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Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Liana NelsonPsychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/liana-nelson

It is very natural for you to be attracted to someone that you find an interest in building a romantic relationship with.  These feelings are an emotional response toward adulthood.  You are at a healthy age to start the development of attraction and intimate bonds with those around you.  Pedophilia is a disorder in which adults or older adolescents find themselves continuously sexually attracted to children and minors.  At the age of 15, you are still considered a child/minor yourself that is growing into his own adulthood.  This is healthy for you to seek the elements of attraction and intimacy.  There may be a lot of confusion during this time due to the effects of puberty and all the changes you may be experiencing during your adolescence phase.  In this case, see if you are able to reach out to your parents, caregivers, and/or trusted adults to seek an understanding of those elements to help with any confusion with age, attraction, and underage dating.

Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc

A pedophile by definition is anyone who is sexually attracted to children.  This is applicable to children to are pre-pubescent.  So I'm repeating others here, but you are not a pedophile!The fact that you worry about this means that you wouldn't be OK with being a pedophile.  Sounds like you have a healthy reaction to your girlfriend!

Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/brandon-coussens

The short answer is, NO! It is not wrong for you to be attracted to your girlfriend. You are a perfectly healthy person. When puberty hits, hormones start changing and it is a natural to be interested and attracted to others. It may feel wrong, especially if you are a Christian and have grown up in that home due to the messages that are sometimes sent your way. But as a Christian myself and a counselor, I remind people that every human is made with a very similar biological make-up. If humans did not have an innate attraction to others, then the human race would not survive because we would not marry or have children. You are not a pedophile!

Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

intimacy

David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-klein

Nope! In fact you are NOT a pedophile. That term is reserved for older adolescents attracted to children, or adults who are attracted to children. I see an age difference as being one key factor in determining pedophilia if the older person is still in adolescence. You being only a year older than your girlfriend doesn't qualify, so go right ahead and be attracted to your girlfriend without shame!

Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

You wrote that each of you is under the age of 18.   A 15 year old cannot be a pedophile because you're not an adult.Also, if you mean "girlfriend" in a romantic way then this makes sense bc romantic relationships include physical attraction to the other person.

Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Earl LewisRelationship Expert

https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis

No. You are not a pedophile. You are both under the appropriate age where it would be seen so. Your both only a year a part so this shouldn't a worry to you. Like Frank said below, Pedophelia is a problem that won't apply to this situation.

Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?

I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-wrong-for-me-to-be-attracted-to-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you. You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.

Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/brandon-coussens

I want to be short and brief about this. First, If you can achieve a good erection at anytime without your girlfriend, your penis is fine. However, erections work through getting enough blood flow to the penis. If you are having any sort of mental related concern (anxiety, depression, stress, etc) it can cause your blood vessels to constrict and keep your penis from becoming erect. After reading your concerns, my questions would be: What are you thinking about right before and during sex?" "Do you feel anxious or nervous during that time?" Have you ever experienced not getting an erection before?" I am assuming it has do to with what you are thinking and their is a certain amount of anxiety you are having during or right before sex. If you want to work this out, I would encourage you to work on your thought process and learn to relax your mind and your body (meditation/relaxation exercises). Focus more on enjoying the experience through your 5 senses. What do you smell, take it in and enjoy it. What do you hear, take it in and enjoy it. What do you see, take it in and enjoy it. What do you feel, take it in and enjoy it. Calm yourself! Not having an erection is not the end of the world and happens all the time to men. If you freak out about it, it will happen more. Just relax, believe it is normal and try again and ENJOY the beauty in front of you!

Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Cimberly R. NeskerRegistered Psychotherapist (3579)

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker

Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors. Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs.  When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time.  Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection.  While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well.

Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus

First off, I want to acknowledge the emotional pain you must be experiencing about not being able to experience an erection -- you're not alone. And, it took a lot of courage for you to post your query here. Below you will find excellent advice from skilled clinicians regarding your question and concern. If you haven't done so already I'd encourage you to checkout the Mayo Clinic's website on this very topic (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047).Once you've ruled out any medical-organic issues with either your PCP or Urologist I recommend you work with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and/or Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and do some psychotherapy around attachment/family-of-origin, intimacy, self-image, trauma history, sex history, pornography, etc. ). There is hope.

Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Todd Schmenk, M.S., M.Ed.AQAL Therapies, Inc.,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/todd-schmenk-m-s-m-ed

This is something I have had to address with individuals often since working with couples is one of my practice's focuses.  The answer can depend upon several reasons all which tend to be explored while in session.  If you or your counselor utilizes an integral approach, in which one of the main premises makes sure to check the four irreducible perspectives (subjective, intersubjective, objective and interobjective – also known as the four quadrants) in determining where the challenges are, it then becomes possible to identify what might be contributing to or causing the challenge as well as offering up ways to address the situation.In this case, from the upper-right or behavioral and physical perspective, we would want to make sure there is no physical limitation or ailment meaning that you would need to visit your doctor and have the basics checked (such as blood pressure.  We would also look at particular behaviors to see if you are doing something with is effecting performance (such as masturbating often or being influenced by pornography). Next we would look at the upper left quadrant (thoughts, cognitions, identity, feelings) to look at what is going on here both during sexual activities and at other times.  If you are worried about your job, your family or under immense pressure to perform at work or while intimate, this can contribute to your situation.  From there we would turn to the lower left quadrant (cultural rules and tools) to see who you have learned to interpret challenges that come up during sex and look for ways to shift, update and/or reshape the way you view sex and its challenges.  It would be here that we would see whether one is even comfortable using a service like counseling based upon how your family/culture of origin views the profession. Finally, we would need to account for challenges that show up in the lower right quadrant (systems, laws, rules of society) such as your economic ability to try services and products as well as whether such services and products were even available.  Once we have rolled through these areas it then becomes possible to look at which aspects might need to be looked at further in a more meaningful way to help you change a perspective or if just getting a blood pressure medication is all you need.To sum your question then of why you can’t keep an erection we would need to look at your thoughts (look at your actual thoughts during the act as well as before and after), look at your behaviors, look at your physical body for issues, look at where you picked up your rules and tools (culture) and look at your ability to access goods and services.  They all contribute equally and need to be taken into account.  So - as you can see, there is no one possible answer to this, but several.  I hope this helps.

Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

This issue could come from any variables. The pressure of being satisfying, or if you have experienced anytension. Do you have any uncomfortable thoughts or is anything from your past coming up?  Had you been socialized to believe certain things or did new beliefs come up?  What were your models of healthy relationships?  Was anything of substance coming up around the time this began? Some have found acupuncture to be helpful or even the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

Why can't I get an erection with my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-get-an-erection-with-my-girlfriend

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I'm sorry to hear of your problem.First step as always when a possible medical explanation exists, go for a urology check up to either your internist or a urologist.Once you know there is no medical reason which would prevent an erection, then we can consider the psychological and emotion based factors.Maybe you're nervous about your sexual performance or that your gf may be disappointed in your performance.Men often mistake their own fears of performance failure with the assumption that their partner thinks about sex as a performance.Talk with your gf about whatever is on your mind which may inhibit you from enjoying sex.The reasons are endless.What matters is to have a heartfelt dialogue with each other.The emotional support which comes through such an intimate conversation may very well be the catalyst for a more relaxed and satisfying approach to sex w your gf.

I'm not comfortable with my girlfriend showing off her body on social media

For some reason I feel very uncomfortable with my girlfriend showing off her body in certain poses on social media. I know she is proud of her body and I respect that, but I dont feel comfortable with her openly showing off her body the way she does. Anytime I bring it up to her she thinks Im calling her a whore. How can I deal with my girlfriend showing off her body on social media and not hurt her feelings?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-comfortable-with-my-girlfriend-showing-off-her-body-on-social-media

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Ask her to consider your feelings not only her own defensiveness that she is called a whore by you.Clearly since you're writing on a site which offers psychological and emotional support and guidance, you do not consider your gf to be a whore.She may not realize or considered that you are somewhat protective of who sees her body.   In the end she may not want the privacy over her body which you are encouraging her to have.At least you will have the satisfaction to know you stated your actual reasons for your request, and did not rely on the ones she imagined you have.

I'm not comfortable with my girlfriend showing off her body on social media

For some reason I feel very uncomfortable with my girlfriend showing off her body in certain poses on social media. I know she is proud of her body and I respect that, but I dont feel comfortable with her openly showing off her body the way she does. Anytime I bring it up to her she thinks Im calling her a whore. How can I deal with my girlfriend showing off her body on social media and not hurt her feelings?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-comfortable-with-my-girlfriend-showing-off-her-body-on-social-media

intimacy

Dr. Tenille Richardson-QuaminaExpert in Issues Caused by the Internet and Social Media

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-tenille-richardson-quamina

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Zofia Czajkowska, PhD OPQPsychologist in Montreal

https://counselchat.com/therapists/zofia-czajkowska-phd-opq

Infidelity is common. In a largest study conducted to date about 10-15% of women and 20-25% of men admitted to being unfaithful while in a monogamous relationship. You are not alone and you can get through this just like countless couples have done before you. First of all, you need to know that although there may be reasons for his behaviour (e.g., not feeling sexually satisfied) those are not excuses. He could have chosen to masturbate instead of cheating on you, right? Your partner needs to own his choices and if he is capable of doing it and is truly willing to work on the relationship with you to make it stronger, more transparent and more fulfilling for both of you, then there is hope. The question is : are you willing to put in all this extra work? Forgiveness is not easy and it may take a lot of time and effort for you to consciously choose to trust again. It won't just happen if you don't work on it. And yes, it's unfair that you are being asked to work on this, when he is the one who had been unfaithful. Even though it is hard, you need to be able to let go at some point of having all the power in the relationship, because right now you have it as the one who had been cheated on. You cannot hold on to being the victim forever because it will create an imbalance in your relationship making it less healthy in the long-run. All of this is hard work. Is he and this relationship worth it? Are you equally committed to making it work? If so, don't abandon this relationship just yet. Work on it together (ideally get a few sessions with an experienced couple counsellor) and see where that gets you. For additional specific ideas check out my tips for how to deal with infidelity in a relationship. Good luck!

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Renelle NelsonHelping you create a Pleasurable lifestyle in and out the bedroom.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/renelle-nelson

HelloYes many couples have survived infidelity. How sincere is he with wanting to work it out?That means alot in recovery. The key is to understand that cheating is a choice. Please don't take the betrayal personal.Look at the foundation of the relationship.  Is there cracks that can be healed? How do you feel about betrayal? Honest communication is the key to healing. Never assume monogamy discuss it. No one can tell you if you should stay or go. That is a very personal decision. Start by setting up face to face time to discuss the affair and emotions.  If this may be hard please get a counselor or therapist that can meditate this journey. Just remember even if you decide to leave you still need support to heal. Just because you leave the situation,  the trauma still exists.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Anna McElearneyHelping Couples Build Stronger Relationships

https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney

Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - "is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?" Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around "Will their partner ever forgive them?" "Will they trust them again?" "How long will it take to regain their trust again?" While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

Do you feel he will do this again, and do you trust him, can you trust him again?.   Would you and he be open to couples’ therapy? There are many variables to consider but asking yourself these questions could give you some clarity.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Tanya LorenziRecover. Reconnect. Recommit.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tanya-lorenzi

Hello. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and that you are struggling with making a decision about this. In my experience, a couple can absolutely overcome cheating and get back to the relationship they once had. Hopefully, the other relationship is over, and you can work on rebuilding the trust that has been broken. It will be difficult for the both of you to move past this, and getting professional help as you navigate rebuilding your relationship is a good idea. Just know that you can get past this, many couples do.Good luck!

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Definitely yes, it is possible for a couple to trust each other again and become close with each other.Since your trust was broken, your fiancé would need to earn back your belief that he is faithful to you.Do you feel he empathizes with how you felt to find out about his cheating?Before you have this question answered, based on what you write there is a sense of your own doubt as to whether you are with the right partner.Before you and he address regaining your trust, first decide if you'd like to work on this.Ask yourself if the sexual attention he felt he wasn't getting from you was bc you're not as interested in him as you imagine or once felt in the past.If each of you sincerely wants to be together, it is possible to talk about your respective needs and help the other person feel safe again with the other.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Marissa TalaricoSex and Relationship counseling

https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico-2

As a relationship therapist I work with couples all the time that are in the repair phase of their relationship after infidelity. The short answer to this, is not only is it possible to have a satisfying and fullfilling relationship after infidelity, it happens more often that we may know. The current rate of infidelity is high, while it's not important to go into many reasons, it mau be important to know you aren't alone in this! My biggest suggestion for you would be to seek out a professional counselor that specializes in working with couples healing from infidelity. Best of luck!

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here

https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-teixeira-lcsw

Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Finding out about an affair is quite an emotional experience. It's usually jarring. I encourage you to give yourself some compassion about emotions that you have.You asked whether it is possible to get past the cheating and the answer is that it can be. It depends on many factors.I would recommend that you see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. There are certain ways that both of you could learn more about yourselves and each other that may actually serve to make your relationship stronger. Sometimes there are motivations for having an affair that can be discussed in therapy in a way that you become more aware of what each other is experiencing and where you want to go from here. It could be that learning to communicate differently would be helpful.Regarding whether you should "just move on," I recommend talking about with a therapist as well. At the very least, you can discuss more about what you are thinking and feeling and what your choices are as far as where you want to go from here.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Philip KolbaRelationship Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/philip-kolba

It's possible but challenging. Both partners need to be feel motivated enough to repair the relationship and dedicated to the work needed to address whatever underlying issues led to the serious breach of trust. For some people, cheating is an absolute deal breaker—for others, the context of the cheating allows them to see it as a mistake that they can forgive their partner for. So it depends on how you feel about the relationship and whether you want to put in the work to repair it.If you're not sure how you feel, counseling can help you resolve the ambiguity, either individually or with your partner. Then, depending on what you decide, a counselor can help you either repair the relationship or decouple from your former partner.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Ashlie BrownCounselor & Hypnotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ashlie-brown

I think there are many different directions we could go as far as answering your question.  I think the first and most important question you need to ask yourself is do you truly believe in your heart that you can forgive him and trust him again?  Once you answer that question honestly then you can move in one of two directions.  First, if you truly love this guy and see yourself being with him long term and for the "long haul", so to speak...and you genuinely want to forgive him and trust him again, that is completely do-able and possible if you both put in the work.  But, there's a greater issue here that needs to be addressed.  You say your relationship is "good", but there's been a sexual disconnect between the two of you and that usually indicates some type of emotional disconnect is at the core.  Would you agree with that, or what are your thoughts?  Were you giving him less sexual attention than you normally do or were you guys never on the same page about sexual needs and having compatible sex drives?  If you are more of an emotional person than he is, you may have been less interested sexually because he hasn't been meeting your emotional needs.  For instance, if you hadn't been feeling loved, cared about, validated, appreciated, cherished, and special to him than you may have felt less connected physically and been less interested.  This is a common issue with couples, and can easily be addressed if the communication in your relationship is strong and you can find a way to express to him your frustrations.  In essence, many women tend to have more emotional needs than men, this is the way we are hard-wired, and there are exceptions to this of course, but if you have been feeling neglected emotionally than your lack of interest in sex is actually completely understandable and NORMAL!  Until he understands this, and can learn to tune into your needs emotionally, you may struggle with feeling you are out of sync emotionally (and sexually).  This leads to you both being frustrated, but if all this is ringing true to you, he seriously probably has no clue what's going on and may not know how you're feeling.  You need to communicate your needs to him; if you are super lost with how to do that, there's an awesome book called The Five Love Languages.  It's not that long, and it's very approachable and easy to apply the concepts to your relationships. Invaluable resource for relationships and truly eye opening; really!!This is a long post, I'm sorry!  But this is such an important issue that is very common and many people feel lost about how to handle it.  So back to the second direction you can go....you feel very betrayed, you aren't sure if you can ever trust him again and you see yourself perhaps being paranoid forever and never being able to completely get over this.  For instance, if he says he is working late, or if he doesn't call or text right away when he usually does, you may immediately jump to the worst case scenario that he is cheating again.  Of course, it may not be true, he may have legit reasons for his behaviors, but the point is if you are going to be in paranoia-mode OR you just will always be unsure whether he loves you and is committed to you and only you, then the trust may not be able to be re-built.  You need to think long and hard about this, and if you decide you have the capacity to forgive him and rebuild your foundation of trust and honesty, then you need to let him know very explicitly what you need him to do to earn that trust back.  You can't just tell him vaguely "I need to trust you again"; if he wants his family back and he's willing to do the work, you need to line out exactly what he needs to do and he needs to do it.  But, be prepared that he might throw out there that he cheated because he felt you weren't attracted to him anymore (or he tries to put the blame on you somehow because he says you weren't meeting his physical needs)...if he throws that out there, but you weren't showing him the affection because you were frustrated emotionally, then it all starts with you communicating that to him.  Get that book!In conclusion, if you feel in your heart there is no way you will be able to trust him again and you will always wonder if he's cheating when his behavior isn't spot on, you will be a nervous wreck and perhaps cutting your losses now would spare you the continued heartache.  There is certainly a way to work through this, but you both have to be motivated and you have to get to the source of why the cheating happened in the first place.  Rebuilding trust can be a long process, maybe even years, and for some people, they may never be able to fully trust and let go of the past.  I truly recommend starting with the book, and then going from there.  If you decide you want to stay with him, you would really benefit from couples counseling, as it sounds like a professional could help you strengthen your communication and ability to trust again.

Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-for-a-couple-to-overcome-cheating-if-it-only-happened-once

intimacy

Marissa TalaricoSex and Relationship counseling

https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico

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Why do I always push my boyfriend away?

My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. I love him so much. Why do I do this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-push-my-boyfriend-away

intimacy

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

I sympathize with you! It is actually quite common for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other, and can lead to discord in the relationship. The good news is, there are ways to deal with this.You may have already answered your question. There are many medications that can alter one's sex drive. If your birth control pills are the cause of this, talk to your doctor about switching to a different brand. You may even consider alternate methods for birth control, such as condoms.However, there are some other things to ask yourself. First, you used the term "affection" but then talked about sex. They're not the same thing. There are different kinds of intimacy, and many different ways to show love for someone. A book you might find useful is "The Five Love Languages".Defining what "affection" means to you, and to him, and discovering all the ways you both can show this towards each other, may help lessen some of your anxiety over this.Humans are hard-wired to need appropriate physical touch. In fact, studies have shown that newborns/premies who can receive skin-on-skin contact with their parent can recover faster than babies who don't receive this touch. It's called Kangaroo Care. Children who have grown up in neglectful environments where they're not hugged and kissed and shown appropriate physical contact can often be unable to show this to their partners and children when they're adults. One question to ask yourself is, were you having intimacy issues before starting the medication? If so, there may be other, deeper issues at play here.For someone who has received the wrong kind of sexual/physical touch (sexual abuse, physical beatings) it can be difficult to allow someone to be physically close to you. A therapist could help you work through this.Sometimes, a person may lose their sexual feelings for their partner due to issues in the relationship. Once those issues are resolved, the sex drive comes back. Examine your relationship and see if either of you are unhappy, if you've been arguing a lot, or if there are any problems in your relationship that need to be addressed.Finally, look for the other ways that the two of you may be intimate in a non-sexual way. You may be doing things for each other that you don't even realize, and noticing these will help you appreciate it more. Take the stress off of the sexual gratification and focus on showing your love in other ways. Some people like to give gifts, do the other person's chores, or do other things they think the person will appreciate.If, after all of this, you still have a discrepancy with one of you having a higher sex drive, there are many articles online that offer advice for couples dealing with this situation that you may find useful. It is a very common issue for a lot of couples.

Why do I always push my boyfriend away?

My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. I love him so much. Why do I do this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-push-my-boyfriend-away

intimacy

Erica LondonExpert Relationship Therapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/erica-london

There could be many reasons that you push your boyfriend away. It could be part of how you were raised, it could be because of culture, it could even be your own insecurities about yourself that are then outwardly manifested in you "pushing" him away. What is important in all this is that you both find a way to connect. So what if you aren't a hugger, a kisser, or a toucher you have to find what works for the both of you and your relationship. There are many ways to show affection that aren't physical (words of affirmation, giving of time and/or gifts, etc). If your boyfriend wants the physical attention then work on ways that are comfortable for the both of you making sure to start out slow and to work your way up to more physical touching.

Why do I always push my boyfriend away?

My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. I love him so much. Why do I do this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-push-my-boyfriend-away

intimacy

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

There seems to be two issues at play; your sex drive and the resulting pushing your boyfriend away.  Research mirror work, sometimes this technique allows us to get to the root of our issues. You can also practice this in a therapeutic setting if that feels like your next right step. Having control, you get to be in control and decide what happens next, which could be at play on a subconscious level. Also, investigate your feelings around intimacy, and what does that truly means for you and this relationship overall.

Why do I always push my boyfriend away?

My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. I love him so much. Why do I do this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-push-my-boyfriend-away

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Are you sure it is only the birth control pills which has changed your sex drive?My guess would be that possibly due to the hormonal changes of the pill, your own awareness and understanding of yourself in this relationship, is what is actually changing.Birth control pills control ovulation.   They don't directly prevent people from all desire to express affection.Allow yourself some time to reflect on how you feel toward your BF.   It is possible the birth control pills triggered a change in your attitude toward him.And, maybe independent of the pill, maybe you just are done with the relationship.

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Keep doing the crossdressing since you like it.Your problem sounds more a matter of timing and reason to tell the girl about it.Not keeping a secret is a good attitude regarding meaningful parts of your life.  Usually our relationship partner is someone whom we trust as a safe person to know all about us.Once you feel at ease with your potential partner then bring up your crossdressing.  Based on their handling of this intimate part of your life, you will know more as to whether or not you feel more or less drawn to them.Secrets held within a relationship usually get worse with time.   The person who feels unsafe in truly being and stating themselves eventually will end up feeling ashamed of parts of them which prior to the relationship, felt good or at least not worrisome.

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

intimacy

Allison VelezIs your relationship worth it?

https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez

While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself.  It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Thanks for asking this question. I think the most important part of what you mentioned was that you do it because it makes you happy. For that reason, I would encourage you to keep doing what makes you happy.As far as telling girls or keeping it a secret, I don't really think that it's necessarily one or the other, at least not the first time that you meet. In other words, one part of your decision-making could be whether it is something that you always want to address in the first date, or perhaps something that you address after you've known each other for a couple of meetings. The answer to that question may also change depending on who you are dating. I would imagine that each person that you are with mainly due to a different decision this was when to disclose this. It sounds like this is an important part of you, so I would think that if you were going to date someone long-term, you would want them to know about the most important parts of you, including that.I also encourage you to remember that if you meet someone who is not comfortable with this, that does not mean that there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but rather something that the other person is in some way deciding not to continue learning about or choosing to have someone they are dating like to cross-dress.I'd also ask you to consider this: Are the people who you say this to expecting it? My guess is that the answer is probably not. Along with that, Are they going to have questions? I would imagine so.Are you comfortable answering questions?I wonder if you could figure out yourself or with friends (or perhaps even with a therapist) how you would answer these sorts of questions:What exactly is cross-dressing?Does that change the gender that you're attracted to?What does it mean to you?Why is it important to you?And what you want your listening person to know about you related to cross-dressing.There could even be ways that you can start the conversation by asking them to be open to listen to you and ask questions about what they are thinking before they make any quick decisions about you or the relationship.I certainly hope that you find the right person for you. I imagine that having this conversation could be stressful, especially considering the idea that you have had some negative reactions in the past. Remember that talking this through with a therapist could be very helpful.

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

intimacy

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

Normalizing cross-dressing and being open about who you are.  Consider if this could be a deal-breaker , which would encompass considering if you want to be with someone who does not accept you for all you are? Also explain your personal reasons and the possible reasons many others crossdress, how it is not always for sexual stimulation.

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

intimacy

Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here

https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-teixeira-lcsw

If you enjoy crossdressing and it is an integral part of who you are, giving it up for anyone else or to get into a relationship will only lead to resentment and resentment in a relationship usually leads to it's demise. So I would caution you against giving it up for someone else, as you won't be happy and neither will your partner because they will be losing out on getting to know your authentic self. Stay true to your authentic self and balance that out with dating people who do the same and are open to exploring thoughts and feelings in a relationship. You definitely get to choose the right time to share this with a partner and I encourage you, if it feels safe, to talk about it as soon as you can. Sometimes just keeping something a secret for a long time in a relationship can also lead to other issues, too. Also, if you know the other person doesn't respect this part of you if you find out early you won't waste your time and can move onto a relationship that feels more supportive.I hope this makes sense and I wish you the best of luck!

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

intimacy

David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-klein

It would be my professional opinion that the desire for you to keep it a secret at all, while yes I could see it as "giving you a chance with a girl," is something that might be more about a discomfort for you. If you are comfortable with your kinks and fetishes (if I may call it such, not my intention to pathologize in any way though), then be as open as you want to be. But I also don't know that you need to be announcing it as part of your online dating profile (because you do say it "bothers girls I ask out" which to me implies that that is what you're leading with.) My hope is that people don't make dating decisions based on your kinky behaviors, but more likely that they would make decisions based on your own comfort and security with said kinky behaviors.

How do I tell a girl that I crossdress?

I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it. I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-a-girl-that-i-crossdress

intimacy

Katie LeikamLGBTQIA Affirming Gender, Anxiety and RelationshipTherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/katie-leikam

Your happiness and healthiness is key.  I would not suggest that you hold back and keep it a secret.  You should be up-front about it, but perhaps gently bring it up on a date.  When thinking about whether or not you should stop, think about how it makes you feel.  Perhaps try to be social at more accepting affirming locations in your area.  The people who will accept you for who you are are out there.  You may not be looking in all of the places you have available to you.

My husband only has sex with me once a month or less

I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Have you said anything to your husband about the way you're feeling?Start with this.Sex is after all, a two person enterprise.If he would like to talk about the way you're feeling, great and wonderful.  The two of you already are continuing to grow trust in your communication and relationship.If he doesn't want to talk about how you're feeling, then you're facing a different problemYour feelings are real and need to be handled.If you end up facing your feelings of frustration about your husband not wanting to have sex with you, on your own, then does your husband give you a truthful sounding reason as to why not?Ask what explains his disinterest in having sex with you.If he doesn't want to address this question, then you are a little further down the rung of trust and care about you.Depending on how satisfied you are with his answers, will guide you on how much dissatisfaction you can live with and why, longterm.

My husband only has sex with me once a month or less

I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less

intimacy

Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus

Feeling rejected and frustrated is a reasonable reaction to your experience with your husband. I want to encourage you that his actions may have little to do with you, and regardless of outcomes, I hope you find the help you need to process through your pain and still have hope for your marriage.   If your husband was to work with me I'd explore with him his understanding of, and experience with, intimacy in relationship with others. Furthermore, like other male clients of mine, I'd challenge your husband to secure an updated full medical exam from his PCP (primary care physician) and/or urologist in order to identify or rule out any organic issues which may be causing his apparent lack of desire for sexual intimacy. If there are no physical issues, per se, I would encourage your husband to process further his family of origin story-line regarding rules, roles, sex, and sexuality along with working through his sexual and trauma histories.

My husband only has sex with me once a month or less

I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like "I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?"When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word "why." That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with "what makes" Instead. For example, "what made you choose not to do that?"

My husband only has sex with me once a month or less

I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less

intimacy

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-s-ncc

Every area in a relationship, including intimacy, experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period.  Couples have to work to maintain the spark.  Find a moment to talk to your husband about your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen to his concerns and demands as well.  But don’t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other.  Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones conmigo una vez al mes o menos.  Me siento rechazada y frustrada.  Esto no es nuevo.  El primer mes que estuvimos juntos, teníamos sexo casi todos los días.  Luego se redujo a una vez por semana.  Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.Todas las áreas de una relación, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del periodo de la luna de miel.  Las parejas tienen que trabajar para mantener la chispa.  Encuentra un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupación, y sugiere maneras de reencender su vida sexual, está atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y sugerencias al igual.  No olvides que el sexo es una de las partes más divertidas de una relación, jueguen, coqueteen, bromeen y continúen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

James McCrackenLife is better when we live in the shelter of each other. We are designed for it.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/james-mccracken

Your question highlights your pain very clearly.  What you are describing is one of the most common scenarios I see in my practice with couples: One partner feels terribly lonely and unimportant in response to the other partner either turning towards other people and activities or being withdrawn and turning inward. My mind immediately goes to a question for you: What happens when you are feeling alone and uncared for? What do you say to yourself about you, about your spouse, and about your relationship?  What do you do in response to these feelings? Do you ask for what you need?  Does this lead to arguments?  Do you stay silent or withdraw?Very often, couples enter into negative patterns where one partner feels afraid of rejection by the other partner and so withdraws from the relationship (and is often seen as "cold and aloof" towards the relationship), and the other partner feels afraid of abandonment by the withdrawing partner and so pursues the other (and is often seen as "critical and nagging").  Regardless of "who started it," these patterns can turn into infinity loops that take on a gravity of their own, and ultimately cause both partners to withdraw and dissolve the relationship.  If both partners want to work on saving and improving the relationship, the way out of this is to learn about your emotions and patterns together so that you can slow down the pattern and stay in touch with the emotions that pull people together.  As the patterns slow down, partners are better able to get more deeply in touch with their vulnerabilities, needs and longings, and ask for them to be met in such a way that doesn't leave the other partner feeling criticized, threatened, abandoned, or uncared for.Some couples can do this without the help of a therapist.  The book "Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a LIfetime of Love" by Sue Johnson is a self-help book based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (the most scientifically validated couples therapy that currently exists), and has been helpful to many couples that I see.  When a therapist is needed to help partners reconnect or overcome betrayals, I recommend seeking couples therapists who are trained in a scientifically tested model of couples therapy (such as Emotionally Focused Therapy.  You can learn more about EFT or find an EFT therapist here: http://www.iceeft.com).To summarize:Your pain is understandable and valid.  It's telling you what you are missing and what you want.Reconnection comes when we can listen to what our feelings are telling us, express those feelings in a safe way, and assert our wants/needs, while remaining open to the vulnerabilities and needs of our partner.If you can do that on your own, and your relationship is responsive, that's fantastic!  If you encounter challenges in resolving this yourself, consider therapy with a trained couples therapist using a model that is scientifically validated.  Pain means this is important!  You and your marriage are worth the effort!

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

Tamara PowellAnything But Ordinary!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tamara-powell

Piggybacking on the other respondent's suggestions, I also agree that most couples could use more frequent and more bonding communication in their relationships, and this is a GREAT place to get the ball rolling towards reconnecting.Surveying the demographical data on long-term relationships, it's pretty common for couples to start to struggle around the 7-10 year mark and in fact, that's often when first time divorces happen. And for lots of reasons...most of them having something to do with beginning to take one another for granted and no longer doing the little things that nourish the relationship and light our partners up.  Seems like you've encountered this in your own relationship...where he appears to be neglecting your need for emotional connection with him.Doesn't have to be this way though. And from my own personal clinical experience, I can tell you that when even ONE partner is willing to make some small but powerful changes, they can often ripple outward to the other partner and bring about miraculous outcomes! So my encouragement to you is this - if you're still in love with him...even a little bit...and you're down to try something new, there's hope!  As hard as it may be, I would ask you to try and focus on YOUR own side of the street when approaching him. Use an open and curious approach with him. Ask him what he thinks he needs in a marriage. What is it about you he fell in love with? What helps him feel more fulfilled as a man and as a husband? What little things that you have done over the years does he appreciate? Like Sherry said, if you can get him talking, there'll be plenty to work with. We only need a spark to kindle a fire. If he can give you a list, you'll have a blueprint for getting him to reconnect with you and it opens the door for you to offer him little suggestions as well.By the time a couple reaches the point where you're at, there's usually very little fun going on. We've stopped enjoying one another's company. Try and think creatively about some shared experiences he might be willing to do. A picnic? Happy hour? Concerts, museums, cooking class, new sexual behaviors...the list is as infinite as you want it to be! Some of my favorite suggestions for couples looking to understand how they got here and how to build their way out are:"The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship" (Ted Talk) by Esther Perel"Getting Together & Staying Together: Solving the Mystery of Marriage" by William & Carleen Glasser"Divorce Busting - A Step By Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again" by Michelle Weiner-Davis"The Relationship Cure: a 5 step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John Gottman & Joan DeClaire"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman & Nan Silver"The Five Love Languages" by Gary ChapmanAnd of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest that if you're open to the idea, maybe some individual and/ or couples counseling could be helpful too.My very warmest regards to you,Tamara Powell, LMHC

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I'm sorry for how you're feeling in your marriage lately.  Are you and your husband able to talk directly about your feelings?  The way two people connect is usually by talking with each other to understand what each one cares about and thinks.Your current emotional suffering is the natural result of being married to someone who shows no interest in doing this.If your husband wants to start talking with you, then there is a chance the two of you can reconnect.  If he doesn't want to participate in the relationship with you, then start to think if its possible and for how long, to get emotional support from friends and family who do care for you.Also a question for the future is to understand what the value of your marriage is to you besides having a connection to your husband.

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

Laurel FayMarriage and Relationship Expert

https://counselchat.com/therapists/laurel-fay-2

I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

Samara PerezAre you ready for change? Let's make change happen.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/samara-perez

What you are describing is something I often refer to as "living with your roommate" phenomenon. This is the idea that you feel like you are living with a roommate and no your partner or spouse . It is not uncommon for members of a couple to report to feel both physical and/or emotional distance. When we don't feel connected within relationships, this can be isolating and lonely. The emotional distance often makes us wonder: am I important to the other? These types of feelings need to be better understood in the context of your own background and upbringing I.e., who you are and also better understood in the context of your couple. Feeling reconnected can occur-- but there is not a "one size fits all" solutoon. As a first step, do you or your partner have any ideas of how to feel reconnected? Have you considering talking to your partner about the emotional void? Or how about discussing  solutions , together, that might help-- from individual therapy to couple therapy to a weekly date night to inquiring about one another's personal interest to starting off the conversation of what both of you want and can do to re-establish feelings of connectiveness. If this is too frightening I.e., to address the lack of connection between you and your spouse.  a fist meeting with a couple therapist can likely help unpack what the possible solutions for your couple.

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

Anna McElearneyHelping Couples Build Stronger Relationships

https://counselchat.com/therapists/anna-mcelearney

Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage. I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both.

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

David RouttPresident and Clinical Counselor at Totius Therapies

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-routt

Communication opens up what is called "cognitive space" for your partner, and allows them to do the same for you. The more you know about each other, especially your everyday lives, creates a bond between the two of you. Much like the saying goes in the military, the same is true for a couple; "Complacency Kills". It is important for both of you to invest in each other on a regular basis. I regularly recommend that both of you take the 5 Love Languages Assessment and start using each other's top love languages to help show each other the positive affection that you feel (or at least want to feel) for one another. Start asking about your husband's day, trying to learn about all the interactions that he has at work, and feel free to ask questions so that he knows you really want to know about him, and know him intimately again.

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

Earl LewisRelationship Expert

https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis

Absolutely. Your question shows that you are going through a lot of pain and I'm sorry for that. Many couples go through this disconnect and hope to come to reconnect before things get to a breaking point. What I think can help is the following: 1.) Understand what his primary concern is2.) Understand what your primary concern is3.) What would you like to see different?4.) What would he like to see different? 5.) Be honest about your concern with him having friends (Be ready for honesty)6.) Help him understand you feel alone without him feeling guilty.7.) Let him know how committed you are to making this relationship despite the two of you drifting apart.8.) Sometimes if you just acknowledge the elephant in the room.9.) Couples/Marriage Therapy

I feel completely alone in my marriage

I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-completely-alone-in-my-marriage

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

I can think of several things that may help you to reconnect. I don't know how much time you actually spend together, but one thing you could try is to spend 15 minutes a week together talking about common interests or other things that make you feel connected.Have you considered a date night or anything (doesn't have to cost a lot of money, but could make each of you feel special)?Something else you could try is to consider talking to each other in a way where you summarize what you are hearing and reflect back to make sure that you got it right rather than just assuming so. Communicating this way can feel awkward at times, but it could reconnect how you are listening and deeply connecting with your partner. Also, you may discover that you are on two different pages about things on which you thought you understood what each other felt, wanted, or desired.Consider what makes your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated, or special. Can you name a few things and get them right according to your partner when you check in? Can he do the same for you?You could also try doing two things every day that would be appreciated by your partner without either of you having to ask for it. There is some more information here, although what you do for one another does not necessarily need to be on this list: http://www.couplesinstitute.com/tracking-success-by-doing-the-daily-double/Reconnecting is a bit of a process. Try to praise yourself and your partner for attempts that you make and recognize that you're not going to get it right 100% of the time. You may also find this book to be helpful (or there are other similar ones by the same author): https://smile.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471479801&sr=8-1&keywords=Love+languagesIf this still seems difficult, consider seeing a local mental health professional. As one more thought, recall that this relationship involves both of you. If you are both committing to change your level of connection, change will likely not be a steady uphill climb (there could be plateaus or even some dips back in a negative direction) and each of you may change at a different rate.Best wishes in your quest for connection!

My wife doesn't want to have sex

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-doesn-t-want-to-have-sex

intimacy

Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto

That sounds really challenging for both of you. Differences in sexual desire between partners is common and can create real friction and conflict. I would encourage you to do some couples counselling or sex therapy as often these issues can be worked through and low sexual desire can result from relational fears and misunderstandings or sex that isn't as arousing as is possible. There are some good videos on this resource page about sexuality and intimacy and a video that specifically addresses desire differences in relationships.

My wife doesn't want to have sex

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-doesn-t-want-to-have-sex

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Congrats on your upcoming baby!Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex.  Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy.  If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.

My wife doesn't want to have sex

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-doesn-t-want-to-have-sex

intimacy

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

I suggest seeking the support of an AASECT certified sex therapist to help work through much of the issues you address, you simply may need some really qualified support. Also, you might be interested in watching Esther Perel's ted talk on the secret to desire in a long term relationship, and/or you might want to sign up for my own 8-part-series on Reconnecting Parent Couples

My wife doesn't want to have sex

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-doesn-t-want-to-have-sex

intimacy

TINA R. DODSON

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tina-r-dodson

Have you guys ruled out medical disorders. There is new data that post part depression starts in the pregnancy before baby is delivered. There maybe those factors .Please check out those arenas, firstly. Then consider marital therapy services. Relationship changes with the time passing and with the time and care deposits of investment onto the relationship bank account.  Thanks for this opportunity to answer some of ya.alls. relationship intimacy concerns.

My wife doesn't want to have sex

My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-doesn-t-want-to-have-sex

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Seattle,While it's normal in many relationships for there to be a difference in sex drives, I believe that your wife has a major barrier to having a healthy sexual relationship. I'd be curious about what it was like at the beginning for you both, but these things can change. Sometimes people with sexual barriers are very active for a period when they're young because they're trying to prove something or overcome a fear. Right now, you can both accept that there is a barrier and it's hers and she can explore that in a safe relationship with a therapist and perhaps a doctor. It's possible she's asexual (not interested in sexual activity but very interested in love), or that a trauma has affected her. It's for her to explore. Tell yourself that it's not your fault, stop expecting it to change, and encourage her to seek treatment with someone who specializes in sexual issues. Good luck.

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker

There are many different ways that can be approached in your situation.1. I would recommend a complete medical examination including blood test. i would want to know if there are any medical issues in your low sex drive.2. Where is your husband in this situation? Is he resentful, accepting, demanding or neutral?3. What is your past sexual history? has this had an affect on your current issue?4.Has there been problems in your past with abuse of any kind?5. Understand that intimacy is more than sex. What other ways can you be close to your spouse?6. It sounds like there is some confusion about sexual intimacy from both of you.Couples counseling would be a great place to start. All of these areas need to be explored before any treatment goals can be established.You need to talk with a professional counselor to explore how to better connect with your spouse.

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

The numbers you write are low compared to how much sex many other people would be satisfied having.The key is your and your husband's satisfaction with the amount of sex you are having.And, know if there are reasons besides low sex drive that possibly explain this.Knowing the other possibilities matter because a low sex life may mean one of you is being satisfied sexually outside the marriage or that one of you prefers sex with a same gendered partner.If you've ruled out these possibilities, and you are satisfied with your emotional and financial life in the relationship, then a low sex drive may simply be the norm for the two of you.

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Miriam Dyak

https://counselchat.com/therapists/miriam-dyak

It's encouraging that you say you want "to be better connected with [your] husband," and since he hasn't left you, he must care about you and the relationship more than he does about just having sex. You don't say whether he complains or not, but even if he doesn't it seems there's a sense of something important missing for both of you.Most likely to connect better with him physically you'll need to become better connected with yourself and your body. Men often feel fulfilled by sex simply because it happened - the woman they want received them, allowed them to make love with her. For women that can sometimes be more complicated. A woman who loves sex most likely also loves her body, knows what pleasures her, and feels confident asking for what she wants. Self-pleasuring can be a way for you to discover more about your sexuality, and a classic resource is Betty Dodson's book Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving. A good counselor or sex therapist can be very helpful with your whole relationship as well as the sexual part of it, but not all counselors are comfortable working with sexual issues. Shop around and be sure you find someone who can help you and your husband get better connected on all levels.

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

There are a lot of different things that could be playing a role here.First, different people have unique levels of sex drive, and sometimes there is a hormonal imbalance.Because you say both that there is a possibility that neither one of you "actually knows what you're doing," and you want to be better connected with your husband, consider having some time where you sit together and touch each other in nonsexual ways and communicate about what you like and don't like. One person would be doing the touching and the other would be communicating. Then the rules would switch. After you both become comfortable with that, you could try the same thing with touching that is sexual in nature.Dr. Tammy Nelson is a therapist who specializes in relationships and sexual issues and she has several books and lots of other resources on her website: https://www.drtammynelson.com/There are actually therapists who specialize in sex therapy and if you are interested in that, you would want a therapist who is a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist). This does not mean that they only specialize in sexual addiction, but they do have special training in discussing sexual elements of relationships and their training is quite extensive.In addition to connecting sexually, you may consider discussing with your husband whether each of you are aware of things that make you feel valued, special, loved, and appreciated. It may be that making positive changes related to your sex life would also improve your relationship, and vice versa.

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/brandon-coussens

I am sorry that you are struggling with this! I would love to help. I have a few questions first and I know you can't answer back unless you contact me. Do you use birth control? Is there pain during sex? Have you had sexual experiences before your husband? Have you ever experienced sexual abuse or trauma? Has their been any negative sexual experiences between you and your husband? Did you grow up in a Christian home? When you say you have low sex drive or you don't know what you are doing:Do you ever think about sex? Do you ever have the urge or desire? When ya'll have had sex, do you both enjoy it? Do you enjoy it? What are your priorities? Is your relationship good? Did you have sex before marriage and how much? Wow... So, it is hard to answer this question without knowing more information. I want you to be better connected with your husband too. If you don't want to seek other help, my best advice would be to intentionally initiate sex once per week, whether you feel like it or not. If something hurts, don't do it. Begin talking about sex regularly. Read more books on sex and build a knowledge about sex. I can give you some good resources if you would like. Please don't give up, but please work on this soon!

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-timothy-paul

When it comes to sex drive, we are talking adrenal function, and a little bit of kidney;The endocrine glands require a bit of pumping up to improve one's sense of desire, motivation, and joy;Consider herbal formulas centering around woman's reproductive function to improve desire;To improve his, there are herbs for the man's side as well :)

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Lauren GoldsteinGLBTQ Affirmative Relationship Therapist for individuals and couples

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein

In order to develop a better intimate connection with your husband, it's important to first cultivate a strong connection with yourself.  I would take some time to explore your own body, notice what feels pleasurable, and play with different ways to achieve orgasm on your own.  Explore your own willingness to be open emotionally, sexually, and to play and have fun.Once you've engaged in a process of self exploration, I would check in with yourself and be honest about why you're not enjoying sex.  Are there specific reasons you're not enjoying sex with your husband?  Sometimes the reasons might be of a sexual nature and other times there could be emotional blocks (or anxiety) or other reasons that prevent you from wanting to be fully open and let go with your partner.  From a sexual perspective, I would explore what you can do to increase your own pleasure, learn ways to communicate your needs in a loving way, and focus on pleasure and play (rather than outcome and orgasm).   Begin by taking the pressure off orgasm and enjoy a naked massage together-- focusing on exploring what feels pleasurable.  Lastly, if you're wanting to learn new skills, check out a local sex workshop.

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Viktoria IvanovaYou are a warrior! Every day you wake and face the excitement and challenges of the world. At times, we all need a guide to get us through the tough times on our life journey. Together, we will decipher mysteries of life.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/viktoria-ivanova

Hi there, Thank you for your openness about the challenge you are experiencing in your relationship. Sexual intimacy is an important part of many people's life, but how much importance is placed on it varies from couple to couple. The first step would be to have an open conversation with your husband. It's important you are both open about what you desire from sexual intimacy and how much intimacy each one of you wants. For example, asking your husband how often does he want to have sex/ week or /month. When having this conversation, it's important that you are both respectful and open with each other. The point of the conversation is to get to know each other and not to solve a problem, yet. There are couples who enjoy fulfilling platonic/friendship relationships with minimal or no sex because both partners are not interested in it. If you are both on the same page - lack of sex might not be a problem. If there is a difference in your sex drive and frequency of desire, I would recommend seeing a professional relationship & sex therapist as a couple to help you explore your current sexual dynamic, what's creating it, what's getting in a way of connecting sexually and to assist you and your husband in finding creative solutions.

How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex?

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex

intimacy

Marissa TalaricoSex and Relationship counseling

https://counselchat.com/therapists/marissa-talarico

I work with many couples that experience a wide range of sexual and relationship challenges. The one aspect I tell many folks that I work with, is this: Every person and relationship is different. There really isn't a "normal" amount of sex a person should have or want to have. If having sex 4 to 5 times in the course of your relationship is satisfying to you and your husband, there is nothing wrong with it. If you or your husband would like to have sex more often, I suggest talking with a counselor about this to find ways to engage in a sexual life in which you are both satisfied. The aspect of connectedness is an important one. While sex can be very connecting for many couples, it isn't the only way to connect. I find that communication about the matter of frequency of sex, checking in to see how you and your husband feel, as well as communicant about your needs for connection are an important start to fulfilling this need.

How do I stop obsessively checking if my boyfriend is cheating?

My dad cheated on my mom for 13 years. I cannot stop obsessing over the fact that my boyfriend might be cheating on me even when I know he isn't. I have full access to his phone, social media, and e-mails. I never find anything, but I'm obsessed with constantly checking just in case. How do I stop this? It's driving a wedge between us.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-obsessively-checking-if-my-boyfriend-is-cheating

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Greenville, I respect that you're owning your own overreactions, and that you want to give your boyfriend the respect he deserves. The truth is that some people cheat, and some don't, and our partners deserve the benefit of the doubt unless they show signs they can't be trusted.The answer here is in two different areas. Basically, if you want to feel differently (more trusting, in your case), you look at your thoughts, and your behaviours.Your thoughts are stuck... like tires in deep ruts in the road. These thoughts are only habits, they don't reflect the truth. Fear is probably whispering in your ear things like "everyone cheats", or " you're not enough for him". Once you figure out what fear is trying to tell you, picture those words in red next time they come up. Ask yourself what the evidence is that supports that thought (there won't be much...perhaps none), and what is the evidence that doesn't support it (I know lots of good men, I know I deserve love and loyalty, there is no sign of infidelity...). You're learning to refute the thoughts that are connected to the fear. That's the first half. Practise these thoughts.The rest of the work is in your behaviours. Act as though you trust him. Force yourself to not check or interrogate, and the less you check, the less obsessive and untrusting you will feel. Acting "as if" something if true strangely helps us believe it.It's possible to change the way we think, and this is turn changes the way we feel. Try this to start, and see a therapist for support and cognitive behavioural therapy if you want to dive more deeply into why this is happening and how to stop it. Good luck!

Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-won-t-my-boyfriend-have-sex-with-me

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Your question is very meaningful to your relationship.And, the possible reasons are endless.It is definitely a topic which affects both of you.  You need to gently ask your boyfriend this question directly.  How you ask, how he answers and the discussion or lack of discussion which follows, will show a lot about the comfort you each feel being with each other and what conditions would improve the sex life.Medical rule out is always the first consideration.Before addressing in detail any topics of trust, care, love, ways to express oneself sexually, your boyfriend needs to know that here isn't some physical problem preventing him from having sex w you.If he is told by his doctor that there is no medical reason, then the two of you are free to talk about why he stops himself from having sex with you.

Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-won-t-my-boyfriend-have-sex-with-me

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

If you are saying that he will not have sex with you, but the rest of your relationship is as you would like it to be, perhaps you can have a discussion about it. There could be a difference in preferences. Perhaps you could give each other feedback regarding what you like and what you don't like.If there are other concerns in your relationship, such as possibly needing to communicate better or trust each other more, these concerns could be showing up related to your question about sex.

Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-won-t-my-boyfriend-have-sex-with-me

intimacy

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

Hello, and thank you for your question. I am not sure that we can be much help since we know very little about your situation. For example, we don't know how old you are or if you have previously had a satisfying sex life. So, I will just name a few things that can impact someone's interest in sex, and some colleagues may add others. There are quite a few things that can actually lead to disinterest or inability to have sex. Things such as depression, illness, anxiety/stress, substance or alcohol abuse, and relationship dissatisfaction are just a few reasons. I work in a medical setting, and you might be surprised by how many male patients have some kind of erectile dysfunction occurrence even in their 20s. The best way to find out why he won't have sex is simply to ask. Guessing will likely not bring you to the actual truth, and if you are dissatisfied about your sex life, it is likely not to get better without take some kind of action step. I suggest approaching your partner with compassion and concern. He may also be aware that there is a problem and is afraid or embarrassed to talk to you about it. If you do end up communicating, you have some options to explore. He may want to see his primary care provider if he believes it may be a health issue. A vicious circle can develop about this topic. A person has difficulty with sex for some reason, which generates anxiety, which can actually lead to more difficulty with sex. Counseling can be helpful. Some couples try something called the Sensate Focus Method. You can look it up online. I am not suggesting it or indicating it will help, but some people have said it is helpful.Good luck and be well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

How can I fix my trust issues with my wife?

I’m always questioning her about things such as who she is texting and talking to on the phone, why she is always on social media, checking her phone records, and going through her phone. I do this knowing that I have never found any reason for her to be cheating, and I have no reason to.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-fix-my-trust-issues-with-my-wife

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Understand the reasons you feel mistrustful.  Even though you aren't finding evidence of cheating, your weak sense of faith in your wife's behavior is worth examining bc trust is fundamental to a good relationship.It is possible you don't have faith in yourself to accurately tell whether someone is telling you the truth or whether you are interpreting evidence accurately.Anyone who has themselves had their trust severely violated will feel uneasy to naively trust what is on face value.The work requires observing your own confidence in gradually feeling safe that what someone tells you is true, is actually true.Examine as much evidence as needed of whether what the other person tells you they're doing, does in fact take place.When the facts line up and show you no reason to be fearful, then you will be one step closer to trusting yourself to trust someone else.

How do I know who to trust?

So many people lie, and it's hard to tell who speaks the truth. Who do I trust? I don't even trust my family or friends.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-who-to-trust

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Start by trusting yourself.This is harder to do than it may sound.If a person trusts themselves, their actions, decisions, way of handling matters, then evaluating whether or not to trust another human being, becomes much easier.Also, don't be in a rush to trust someone.   Trust takes time to develop.   First observe someone, listen to the person, whether they follow through.   Repeat this process multiple times, which requires time to accomplish.At a certain point in this process you will start to feel whether or not the person is trustworthy or not.

What should I do about not being sexually attracted to my girlfriend of five years?

Nothing we've tried has worked so far.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-not-being-sexually-attracted-to-my-girlfriend-of-five-years

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Probably what you should do is decide whether you can continue having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone to whom you don't feel like having sex.Five years is long enough to know that the way you feel toward your partner is more than likely going to remain this way.Talk with your gf about your feelings because she may not wish to be in a relationship in which her partner is not sexually attracted to her.

What should I do about not being sexually attracted to my girlfriend of five years?

Nothing we've tried has worked so far.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-not-being-sexually-attracted-to-my-girlfriend-of-five-years

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Sexual attraction is often discussed on a continuum. If you are saying that you are not attracted to your girlfriend, you could try changing what you do during sexual intimacy. You could also try slowly using nonsexual touch and discussing what you each like and would prefer to do more of compared to what is not as desirable. After doing this for nonsexual touching, it can also be used with sexual touching. Looking at more of what you like or would like to feel may be of help.

How can I stop letting things that happened in my past ruin my current relationship?

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says I stress him out with me not trusting him and always accusing him of things. It hit me that I still hold on to every bad thing my mother has ever said to me and everything that anyone has ever done to me. I act as if he's going to do it too.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-letting-things-that-happened-in-my-past-ruin-my-current-relationship

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

The relationship history with your mother was probably quite painful and left emotional hesitation to avoid similar dynamics with others.If you haven't done so already, then tell your bf about the difficulties you had with your mother, and ask him to be sensitive to not trusting easily.The two of you can collaborate in creating more security in relating to him.   Maybe he can tell you sooner about particular times he feels frustrated.Then you will know and be able to address your own sore points and by handling these differently than through the years with your mom, toward your bf.Your process of feeling and thinking in terms familiar from your growing up years, is normal.   Each of us is this way.The difference is you know and would be willing to develop new patterns of relating to someone which is based on more care and trust than you knew growing up.

Should I get a divorce?

I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-get-a-divorce-3

intimacy

Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/brandon-coussens

I don't know that I should tell you to get a divorce. Some would, but I think there is something much deeper going on for you. I would be more concerned about figuring out the deeper reason you are having an affair. Do you have shame and guilt? Do you not like that you are doing this to your husband? Do you see yourself as a bad person, or do you just want more? All of this can be handled if you really want to fix it in your marriage.You can have more in your marriage with some help. You can stop having affairs if you get help. I would encourage you to seek help right away and find out what you are missing that is driving you to commit affairs. I actually believe that if you get a divorce, you will probably keep repeating the same behavior with another person. Let me know if you desire more help.

Should I get a divorce?

I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-get-a-divorce-3

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Whether to divorce or not depends on your reasoning to do so.Marriage is its own unique existence dependent on what the partners want from it.Examine your terms of satisfaction from the marriage.Maybe you have very clear reasons to continue the marriage.Maybe you don’t.Only you can decide if what you’re contributing and benefitting is satisfying enough to stay.

Should I get a divorce?

I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-get-a-divorce-3

intimacy

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-s-ncc

Clearly you seem interested in being other people, and you are also concerned about your husband being unfaithful online.  But it seems like there is something that keeps you with your husband.   And I have so many questions for you: What are you looking for outside of your marriage?  Are you willing to give that up if your husband is not able to provide it?  Do you want to stay together and make it work? Do you want to open the lines of communication with your husband, so you could analyze the situation together?I suggest attending couple’s therapy or even couple’s mediation to assess and discuss where you want to go whit your relationship.  It will also help to establish healthy lines of communication, where you could express the pros and cons of the relationship, analyze if you are willing to work to stay together, or have some closure and process a separation. I provide a combination of counseling and mediation in couple's therapy, you can call 787466-5478 to make an appointment.¿Deberé divorciarme?Le he sido infiel a mi esposo al menos diez veces en los últimos cinco años.   En el trabajo pretendo que no soy casada.  Recientemente se fijo, pero mentí para cubrirlo. El hablaba con mujeres por el internet, pero yo he tenido varias aventuras.Claramente tu estas interesada en ver a otras personas, y estas preocupada de que tu esposo haya sido infiel.  Pero al parecer hay algo que aun sostiene la relación.  Tengo varias preguntas para ti: ¿Que estas buscando fuera de tu matrimonio?  ¿Estás dispuesta a dejar lo que encuentras fuera del matrimonio, si tu esposo no puede dártelo?  ¿Quieres quedarte con él y hacerlo funcionar? ¿Te gustaría abrir las líneas de comunicación con tu esposo, para que puedan analizar su relación?Les sugiero hacer terapia de pareja o inclusive mediación, para asesar y discutir a donde quieres llegar con tu relación.  También les ayudaría a re-establecer líneas  de comunicación de manera que puedan expresar los pros y contras de estar juntos, ver si pueden trabajar para mejorar su matrimonio o partir amigablemente.  En mi consultorio proveo una combinación de consejería de pareja y mediación, puede llamar al 787-466-5478 para una cita.

Should I get a divorce?

I have cheated on my husband of five years roughly ten times. I pretend we aren't married at my work. Recently, he has caught on, but I lie to cover it. He use to talk to girls online, but I have caught myself constantly having a affair.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-get-a-divorce-3

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

It may be helpful to have this emotionally impactful conversation in the context of couples therapy.Whether or not you should get a divorce is not the first question that comes to mind for me, but more along the lines of do you want to be together and what kind of relationship do you want to create?For some people, polyamorous relationships (those involving more than two people) are acceptable. This does not work for everyone, but if each of you agree that that is okay, it may work for you and your husband. If it is something that you are both open to, it is often beneficial to have more than one discussion about the details of what is acceptable for each of you.If you want to be devoted only to each other, what does that lifestyle look like for each of you? What can you start or stop doing right now to move your relationship in that direction?Neither of you can make the other partner change. That does not mean you cannot talk about what each of your goals are together and support each other in working toward those goals you have for yourselves.Sometime having discussions like these is easier when there is a structure and/or someone in the room (like a therapist) who can help keep the conversation on topic and work on having each of you communicate in a way that expresses your wants, wishes, and desires in a way that is not blaming of your partner.If either of you wants a divorce, that could be part of the discussion. Divorce is not the only choice here, depending upon what each of you wants and is willing to accept, learn, and grow from as it relates to yourself and your partner.

What's the best way to handle my spouse's narcissism and bipolar disorder?

He is always telling me our fights are only and all my fault, he bashes me to our young child, and he is addicted to a few substances.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-s-the-best-way-to-handle-my-spouse-s-narcissism-and-bipolar-disorder

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Strengthen your own belief in your right to a decent life and respect of who you are.From the brief description you write, your husband has very limited capacity to recognize how others feel and even less capacity to empathize with the person.The best you can do is convince yourself of your own worth and associate with others who believe similarly about your qualities.

What's the best way to handle my spouse's narcissism and bipolar disorder?

He is always telling me our fights are only and all my fault, he bashes me to our young child, and he is addicted to a few substances.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-s-the-best-way-to-handle-my-spouse-s-narcissism-and-bipolar-disorder

intimacy

Catherine Misita

https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-misita

The behaviors you describe are boundary violations.  You can not change your spouse, but you can respond to his behaviors in ways that protect your boundaries and ensure your safety.  This is very hard to do without support.  Finding a therapist who understands the dynamics of abusive relationships may be helpful.  If you are not ready to do this, I recommend the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  It's a great resource for helping one recognize boundary violations and learning how to respond to them in ways that are constructive!

How do I hold onto my marriage when there is no common bond or intimacy?

We can't hold a conversation together. The blame is always pointed at me. We have no intimacy.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-hold-onto-my-marriage-when-there-is-no-common-bond-or-intimacy

intimacy

Kelly Garrity, LMFTCreative Counseling for OC Women and their Families

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kelly-garrity-lmft

It is hard to hold onto a partner that isn't available emotionally or is lashing out when you face any kind of coflict between you.The conditions needed for healthy intimacy can not grow when there is an absence of common ground or lack of a sense of "safe space" between you.Learning to nurture yourself in this type of situation is vital and comes first.  If there are to be better conditions to grow the kind of relationship you both feel safe and valued in, it needs to be a shared mission.But healthy intimacy begins within, and you CAN grow and thrive no matter the willingness or emotional availability of another.  I recommend you find a good guide to walk this path back home to a deeper peace in you.  If the relationship can be healed, more will become clear as you feel more ease and harmony within yourself.For more resources related to healthy inimacy, I invite you to visit http://www.counseling4ocwomen.com

How do I hold onto my marriage when there is no common bond or intimacy?

We can't hold a conversation together. The blame is always pointed at me. We have no intimacy.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-hold-onto-my-marriage-when-there-is-no-common-bond-or-intimacy

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

How recent is your awareness of a lack of intimacy?If this is recent or sudden then the best road forward is have a conversation with your partner on the way you feel.Depending on the result and whether you'd like to try this conversation several times in order to see your partner's receptivity to explain their side, you will know how likely the lack of intimacy will continue.If you are living with a lack of intimacy for what feels like a long time, such as a few years, and your partner is unwilling to talk with you about it, then you may have reached the end of the road of intimacy returning.Whether or not you'd want to live this way becomes the next question.

How do I tell my spouse to stop getting angry when I am just being myself?

My spouse seems to get very bothered by me speaking, asking questions, or getting excited in a way that he thinks is "too much." He comes across as acting like whatever it is I'm talking about is nowhere near as important as whatever he's thinking about, which he believes will go over my head.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-spouse-to-stop-getting-angry-when-i-am-just-being-myself

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Good for you to realize you have just as much right to talk and be heard as he does.And, that your words deserve as much respect as his do.At a time which is relatively calm, introduce the topic of your hurt feelings from his difficulty listening to you speak.If it is so, tell him you value his opinion and that when you talk, there is no bad intention toward him.Ask him to explain what bothers him so much about your manner of expression.Then as a mutual project, both of you could develop a new system of talking with one another which avoids hurting your feelings and the distress he feels when he hears you talk.The above assumes good will by each of you.It is also possible he simply has no interest in listening to you, or to develop new understanding which makes doing so more likely.This possibility introduces an entirely new subject of how to live with someone who has no interest in you.

Is my boyfriend cheating?

He leaves and is gone for days or weeks but stays in contact and tells me he misses me. He gets defensive when I ask him stuff. We haven't had sex in two months. He says it's because he's not working, I'm pregnant, he doesn't like it here, and he hasn't been on the mood lately.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-my-boyfriend-cheating-2

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Well, there certainly is distance he creates between the two of you.Whether or not the reason is from his cheating on you is impossible to tell based only on the information here provided.You could open a general discussion about the lack of closeness you feel.   Maybe he'll be more responsive to talk about emotions than about specific actions he's done or not done.Mostly, entitle yourself to the quality relationship you'd like to have.  Your discomfort and distress are valid and there's no good reason to live with conditions which keep these moods in place, forever.Give yourself time to plan your next move, especially since having a baby will add to each of your responsibilities.You didn't write how long the problem you describe has continued.One possible outcome if its been a short time, is he will resolve whatever currently drives his withdrawn behaviors from you.Your life, your outcome.Trust yourself to know when the time is right to stay or to go.

What can I do about my husband's black and white personality disorder?

After receiving counseling, we have been told my husband has a black and white personality disorder. When I offer compromises in our disagreements, he does not seem to understand. We cannot resolve conflict because he only sees things as black or white. My husband has asked that we go to counseling this time. In the past, it has been my suggestion. We are thinking of going to a marriage mediator this time because there are financial issues that need to be resolved. He cannot see the whole picture when I attempt to explain my side to him.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-husband-s-black-and-white-personality-disorder

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I never heard of a marriage mediator before.Since you already went to counseling and the therapist observed your husband's tendency to see black and white in life, and because counseling functions on a deeper level than a mediator generally does, a marriage mediator sounds like a step backwards.Why not go to a financial mediator?This would satisfy your husband's black white outlook and may satisfy you too because no emotions are expected in financial discussion and the relationship suffers from an expectations surrounding emotion.

Can my marriage be saved?

I have been married for ten years. My husband is 29 years my senior. We have a young daughter. Ever since she was born, my husband has "shut down." We have no intimacy; he doesn't even kiss me. I've told him how I feel for years, and he swears he loves me and wants to make me happy, but I still have to literally beg for sex and affection. My self-esteem is gone, and I feel so alone. He has stranded me. He uses his passive-aggressive ways and ignores every comment I make. He refuses to talk to me in detail.

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-my-marriage-be-saved-2

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Smyrna,Your husband is avoiding dealing with this problem. I understand how lonely you must feel, not only sexually, but emotionally too.From what you describe, it seems that he wants to be there for you, but he clearly has barriers to engaging fully around this issue. My hunch is that he doesn't know what to do or how to talk to you. But I think he does have something to say.Your husband is 29 years older and you've been together for ten years...that puts you at around thirty perhaps and him at almost sixty? Has any wise older woman sat you down to explain that men sometimes have erectile issues or hormone-related low sex drive as they age? It's possible that your husband is bewildered, angry, grieving or anxious about changes in his sex drive or his ability to maintain an erection, and that he doesn't know how to talk to you about this. He may feel like he's letting you down, and he's scared it will get worse, so he's sticking his head in the sand. Of course, that doesn't help, does it?The worst case scenario is that you get angry or hopeless, that he senses danger or disapproval from you and pulls away even further in shame. Eventually, you stop chasing him, and you drift further apart. It's a bit of a conundrum...how to honour both your need for connection and honesty and his need for a safe place to explore his fears and insecurities. Maybe lower your expectations for a bit? Your husband will need to believe that you are a safe place to share his fears, and you would need to hold onto the fact that he's really scared, and that he's not rejecting you...just protecting himself.I would suggest having a gentle conversation that sounds something like "Sweetheart, we both know that something's not right here. I think you've been trying to handle this on your own or hoping it would get better, but can we agree that it's not? I need you to either talk to me about what's happening, or please go see a doctor. What I need is to see that you are doing some little step to help us. Either of those things would show me that."In the end, you need to know that he's heard you and that he's willing to look at the issue in some way. If he does neither, then at least you know where you stand and you can decide whether to live in a sexless marriage. I wonder if showing him this answer to your question might help? Just a thought.

How can I address my grievances to my boyfriend?

With college over, my boyfriend and I have such different work schedules. Since I can't see him often, I want to talk more on the phone. He plays video games while talking to players, so often I feel ignored. I find myself always telling him what to do in relation to me, things he should know.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-address-my-grievances-to-my-boyfriend

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Directly tell him what you write here.Either he is losing interest in you or he is simply caught up in short fun w his friends and video games.A conversation on this subject will give you more clarity on your question.

How can I not be afraid of commitment?

I've pretty much been on my own since day one, I'm a middle child of five, and I can't seem to put my trust in anyone. It took me four years to finally open up a little to my best friend. Every time I realize that I have feelings for someone, I freak out and never talk to them again. I really want some help.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-not-be-afraid-of-commitment

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

One way to concentrate is that if your mind starts to wonder then remind yourself to bring your attention back.Start with short time spans of expecting yourself to concentrate.  You'll more likely succeed with concentrating with small time spans than longer ones.Once you start seeing your success, this will motivate you to try increasing the length to expect yourself to concentrate.The task of self-reminding is the same, whether for long or short time periods.Also, before starting this exercise ask your medical doctor if the problem can be related to a physical health problem.If there is, then have the possibility ruled out that your difficulty concentrating comes from the mental ability to concentrate, and not some medical reason preventing this.Before someone can engage their psychological will there must be a clean medical body and mind with which to work.

How can I cope with being led on?

I was with my friends at the park, and we were talking and having fun. After a while, I met a girl there. We talked and flirted for a while, then we gave our numbers to each other and left. We talked for a few months, then we met up again. She kissed me, so I assumed we were dating. Then I found out she has a boyfriend.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-being-led-on

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I'm sorry for your disappointment with this girl.Maybe next time you start to like someone talk with the person to find out if they feel similar to you.   This way you have a good chance to avoid being hurt in the way you describe here.Even if the person doesn't give you a straightforward answer to their feelings for you, you'll gain a little more information by listening to how seriously they consider your question, what their body language is like, whether or not the person seems sincere.Listen to your gut.If you feel unsure the person likes you as much as you like them, then wait a little while to see if your feelings about the person or their feelings about you, change and in what direction they change.Keep yourself informed as best you can so you'll know you did as much as possible to kiss someone who understands your kiss the way you mean it to be understood.

Is it normal to be more sensitive when I'm not intimate with my boyfriend?

He's gone for 11 weeks for a band camp. It's week two right now. We used to be Intimate a lot, and now since he's busy 12 hours a day, we can't really be Intimate, even over the phone. Is it normal for me to more sensitive in general?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-be-more-sensitive-when-i-m-not-intimate-with-my-boyfriend

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Well yes, physical intimacy does give all sorts of positive feelings.  The sudden withdrawal of these is certainly possible to trigger a reaction like the one you describe.

What should I do about my husband's emotional affair with his ex-wife?

My husband had an emotional affair with his ex-wife in November. She invited him to dinner, alone, with their daughter. I wasn’t aware of this until after 11pm when I asked where he was. He had been drinking, and I told him not to come home that night. The next morning, we talked about going to counseling. He went out that night with friends and said his ex-wife wasn't going. I found out in April that she did go. I gave him the chance to get everything out in the open. I found out that he stayed that second night with her. I asked if they slept in the same bed, and he said yes, both nights. His daughter wasn't there the second night. He claims they didn't have sex, but what else should I think?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-husband-s-emotional-affair-with-his-ex-wife

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I agree with you that professional counseling is a wise choice for your relationship.Your husband may not know, want to know or want to discuss with you, what his true feelings are toward you and the ex.The topic is very heated, which is why discussing these matters alone may do more harm than good,Usually people start deeply complex emotional matters discussion and get so upset the conversation goes off track and unintended hurts happen.In a therapist office, the two of you will be guided on talking about these critical areas and this will be much more productive than trying to do so only with the two of you.

What should I do about my husband's emotional affair with his ex-wife?

My husband had an emotional affair with his ex-wife in November. She invited him to dinner, alone, with their daughter. I wasn’t aware of this until after 11pm when I asked where he was. He had been drinking, and I told him not to come home that night. The next morning, we talked about going to counseling. He went out that night with friends and said his ex-wife wasn't going. I found out in April that she did go. I gave him the chance to get everything out in the open. I found out that he stayed that second night with her. I asked if they slept in the same bed, and he said yes, both nights. His daughter wasn't there the second night. He claims they didn't have sex, but what else should I think?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-husband-s-emotional-affair-with-his-ex-wife

intimacy

Karen ThackerRelationship Specialist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-thacker-2

My answer is going to be super simplistic but I believe this may be what you need. Ask your husband if he wants to stay married to you.  If he says yes, then it would be helpful to go to a marriage counselor and work this out with a professional.  If he says no, then you can file for divorce.

How do I make my relationship with my girlfriend better?

She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-make-my-relationship-with-my-girlfriend-better

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Maybe your girlfriend feels torn in her emotions between loyalty toward her family and toward investing herself in a relationship.There are so many "maybes", that the best way to strengthen your relationship is to ask your girlfriend if she feels any pressure from her family to avoid involving herself with you.If the answer is "no", then continue to talk with each other as to what would make you each feel more secure with one another.Also, more simply, are the  two of you able to resolve the "little fights"?Differences of opinion are normal between two people, even to the point of each person feeling they are the only one who knows the correct answer.As long as each one of you has the goodwill to give a little, then the fights are a healthy way to respect and care about each other.If the fights are about the same topic which repeats itself, then there are strong differences between the two of you, including the possibility that her family places and she is willing to accept, some obstacle to this relationship.

How do I make my relationship with my girlfriend better?

She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-make-my-relationship-with-my-girlfriend-better

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Maybe you can start with having 15 minutes per week that you know you will be spending time with each other (even if it needs to be on the phone). Because this much time could be scheduled ahead of time, at least you would know there was that time that was set aside. That may also help you to rekindle some conversations between you.As far as your little fights, consider spending five minutes with one of you talking about one issue that is a concern and the other partner asking questions that are open-ended (cannot be answered with just yes or no) and listening as an investigative reporter to try to learn more about what the other person is experiencing. Then, once the partner who started speaking thinks the listening partner is understanding where they are coming from, switch. It's also good to restate what you think you are hearing. Then you know what each other is truly following about this. Also remember that following or understanding what someone is saying does not imply agreement, just that you are recognizing what they are saying and able to see where they are coming from.Also consider noticing what makes you feel valued, special, loved, or appreciated. Think of the same for your girlfriend. This could be a great discussion to have as well.

Why is my ex-boyfriend upset with me?

I went to my ex-boyfriend to reach out to one of his high school friends who's attempted to commit suicide. When I went to him to reach out to his high school friend, he told me that I put him in a terrible position and put an enormous load on his shoulders. He was very angry that I went to him to do that. Am I in the wrong for going to him to reach out? He helped me so much with my depression and bad habits, so that's why I thought of him to reach out. He made me feel awful for thinking highly of him to help. Why did he react this way towards me? I think he's being selfish.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-my-ex-boyfriend-upset-with-me

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Your compassionate reach out to the friend is praiseworthy.That your ex bf has trouble accepting your gesture as kindness shows your ex bf is not seeing the situation clearly.I believe your ex bf's words about feeling burdened by your action.However, he is mixing up his own responsibility to know the root of his feelings.Blaming you for feelings he doesn't understand within himself is unfair and not helpful to anyone, including him.From what you write, you did nothing wrong and your action toward the potential suicider was gracious.My only guess which is also very general about your ex bf's behavior is that he doesn't yet fully understand himself and finds blaming others easier than understanding himself.

Why is my ex-boyfriend upset with me?

I went to my ex-boyfriend to reach out to one of his high school friends who's attempted to commit suicide. When I went to him to reach out to his high school friend, he told me that I put him in a terrible position and put an enormous load on his shoulders. He was very angry that I went to him to do that. Am I in the wrong for going to him to reach out? He helped me so much with my depression and bad habits, so that's why I thought of him to reach out. He made me feel awful for thinking highly of him to help. Why did he react this way towards me? I think he's being selfish.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-my-ex-boyfriend-upset-with-me

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

I'm glad you think so highly of your boyfriend and his ability to be there when you would like to talk about things that are important to you.I see why you would want them to reach out. I also wonder about how close he was with his friend and what he thought you meant when you asked him to reach out. It sounds as if he is thinking that doing so would mean that he is responsible for his friend's well-being, although I can't say that for certain.Would you be willing to have a discussion with your boyfriend where for a few minutes (five minutes or so), you ask him about what made him react that way? During this time, try to listen and ask questions is if you are an investigative reporter and are trying to learn more about his experience. You can also summarize what you are hearing to make sure that you understand it as he does. This does not mean that you have to agree with what you say, but just that you follow. I hear you saying that you think he's being selfish. I'm suggesting that just during this conversation, you ask questions to focus on what he is thinking and feeling. In one sentence, the goal would be to learn more about his experience.I would not be at all surprised if he is scared.Are you aware of what kind of support he wants through this time?

My long-distance boyfriend has started to pull away from me—what can I do?

He told me he started to back away because I was asking for too much in the relationship. The more I tried to fix things, the worse it got. I want to make us better again, but I don't know how.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-long-distance-boyfriend-has-started-to-pull-away-from-me-what-can-i-do

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Have you asked your boyfriend directly this question?It is a good question and possibly would open a necessary clarifying discussion as to what each of you expects from the other.

How do I discuss my fetishes with wife when she is very sexually passive and insecure?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-discuss-my-fetishes-with-wife-when-she-is-very-sexually-passive-and-insecure

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Do  you know whether the reason your wife is sexually passive and insecure is due to your fetishes?Maybe she'd be very turned on by your fetishes.Try to not mix up your hesitancy to speak about your fetishes which she hasn't yet directly heard from you, with your assumption that her sexual passivity necessarily means she will reject or withdraw from you when you speak of your fetishes to her.

How do I discuss my fetishes with wife when she is very sexually passive and insecure?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-discuss-my-fetishes-with-wife-when-she-is-very-sexually-passive-and-insecure

intimacy

Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus

Thank you for asking your question. When I read terms like "fetishes" and that your wife is "sexually passive and insecure" I can't help but wonder that there may be more going on within the coupleship and with yourself than what has been asked about in your particular question.    I invite you to enter into an exploratory journey with an experienced therapist to identify your fetishes and the deeper story behind the "who", "what", "when" "where", "how" and "why" they are important to you. Additionally, consider whether or not you need these fetishes as a requirement or strongly preferred for sexual excitement; and in its absence do you find yourself being sexually avoidant with your spouse or suffering from some form of erectile dysfunction.    While the fetishes may not be causing you clinically significant distress or impairment in functioning it seems from your question that they might (or would) cause distress to your wife. An experienced clinician could help you and your wife to navigate through this relational terrain ensuring all are heard and that the coupleship is honored. Best wishes.

What can I do about my boyfriend being so close with another girl?

My boyfriend has this close female friend. It always bothered me because of how close they are, so I decided to meet her. That made the situation worse because they were even closer than what I thought. They acted like a couple rather than friends with each other. There was no physical interaction, but he talks to this girl a lot. What can I do? Leaving him isn't an option.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-being-so-close-with-another-girl

intimacy

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

I wonder if you could have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you are feeling. A few things may help with that:Try having the conversation you are both able to have a conversation about something that is important (for example, not during a commercial for a TV show)Maybe your boyfriend will be willing to listen to you for about five minutes asking questions to learn more about your experience, kind of like an investigative reporter wouldSee if your boyfriend is able to capture the essence of what you're saying by summarizing it for youRemember that hearing you and following what you're saying does not mean that he agreesAlso consider if there are events in your past that are affecting the way you are looking at this relationship between your boyfriend and this other girl (we all bring our own histories into relationships and we unconsciously expect that what has worked in other relationships will work in current ones)Then you can switch so that you can hear more about what he is experiencing (for example, what it is that he likes about her)Also consider having a discussion that if one of you becomes very emotional and needs a break from the discussion, discuss having a timeout that will last for a certain time frame (usually between 15 minutes and one hour) and then come back to continue the discussionRemember that the goal here is just to learn more about what each of you is going through, not to find a solution right awayThis can be difficult. Consider working with a couples therapist to discuss it together.