Datasets:

nbertagnolli

/

counsel-chat

like 30

Should my wife and I seek any kind of counseling if she is convinced our marriage is over and has turned romantic love into platonic love?

Over the course of a few days, my wife was unsure about her feelings for me due to constant intimacy issues. After she thought things through, she came to the realization that she is no longer "in love" or attracted romantically to me. She instead has more of a platonic love and just cares for me as just "family." At that point, she said our marriage was over. Now over the course of the last few days, she has taken a "friendship" from a coworker. She insists there is nothing more than friends, but she has spent all her free time with him.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-my-wife-and-i-seek-any-kind-of-counseling-if-she-is-convinced-our-marriage-is-over-and-has-turned-romantic-love-into-platonic-love

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Portland,This must feel like your world is turned upside down, for your wife to declare her confusion, followed closely by resignation, followed closely by a new "friend". I get how upsetting this is.If I was your therapist, I'd want to explore this a good deal, because there are several possibilities concerning what might be happening. Be careful not to jump to conclusions. Sometimes people have been slowly "falling out of love" for a long time, and often this is due to some (perhaps unnamed) unmet need in the marriage. She may have been coming to this point over a period of time, and has only finally said so. It's also possible that your wife is going through some temporary crisis...she's changing and personally unhappy and blaming the marriage for it. Only she can help herself through this (she could get the help of a therapist, but it's not your place to tell her to do this). Or, it's possible she's met this new "friend" and her attachment to him has clouded her view, or clarified something for her.  Right now, it's important that you respect your wife's decision to separate, if she's asking for that. We can't trap people in a marriage. If she needs separation, or distance, then it's respectful to give her that.That doesn't mean that you have to give up on the marriage right now. I would seek the support of a therapist who can help you sort out what YOU want; whether it's to move on with your life, or wait patiently for a period of time. I can't predict what will happen here. But you can find out what the best path for you is. I wish you the best.

What does it mean when my wife says she loves me but isn't "in love" with me?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-does-it-mean-when-my-wife-says-she-loves-me-but-isn-t-in-love-with-me

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Usually someone means by this that the person cares about you, feels warm and friendly, has an interest in helping you, believes you have positive qualities such as kindness, and are generally a likable person toward whom the person feels affection.Romantic love and intimate involve a deeply felt dynamic that is unique to the particular couple.  The dynamic results from the shared identity of being part of that particular couple.  Loving another person is a one way dynamic of one person toward another person.In love is appreciating and freely wanting to continue, contributing to the couple's shared dynamic.Good luck in understanding more about your happiness and satisfaction in the current relationship!

Why do I feel so lonely these days?

I have no idea what happened. I go places and do things but still feel lonely. I honestly have no friends, and I am always the one texting people and bothering people. I feel invisible, like someone that no one wants to be around.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-so-lonely-these-days

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

A lot of times any and each of us creates what we need for ourselves by seeing other people as creating these circumstances and situations.Is it possible that at this time period in your life, being alone is positive for sorting through your true values or sorting through key situations in your life?If "yes", then possibly you are giving yourself some alone time, even though to some degree being alone is not your first choice.At the very least, since you aren't happy with being the one who texts others, then some alone time may encourage new thoughts and ideas creating more open space within you to attract other people who do enjoy texting you first.Also, most relationships are not forever.  Is it possible you are at a phase when some relationships are simply closing down so that you have clear space within your life for new and different activity?

Why do I hate sex?

I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don’t like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-hate-sex

intimacy

Pamela GriggsLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-griggs

Although I am not entirely sure why you might be struggling in this area, an initial question I have is do you want to be sexually active at this time or is this something that you feel pressured into doing.?  If you feel pressured into being sexually active by your friends or boyfriend it is understandable that you want it to be over.  I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend to be patient with you at this time  until you figure out what is going on.  I encourage you to then think very deeply about what your reservations, if any,  about being sexually active.  Do you fear pregnancy?  Are there problems in the relationship?  Are you afraid of the emotional intimacy? Another question that comes to mind is whether or not you have any history of sexual activity that you did not consent to that might be getting in the way.   When these types of traumatic events occur,  people can essentially become triggered negatively by anything that reminds them of past trauma.  Such events can cause an aversion to sex even if there is now a loving relationship whom one wants to be sexually active with.  If this is the case I strongly recommend individual therapy to begin working through some of these issues. A final area that you might explore would be whether or not you are experiencing pain with penetration.  If so, I would recommend that you schedule an appointment with a gynecologist to rule out any type of medical issues that might be causing these problems.  Although pain can also be associated with emotional issues, it is always good to rule out possible physical causes.  I hope that these ideas help to point you in the right direction.  Take care.

Why do I hate sex?

I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don’t like it because all of my friends enjoy it.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-hate-sex

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Does your boyfriend notice that you hate sex?If "yes", then it is a topic which the two of you would gain deeper understanding of each other, by discussing.If "no", then possibly one reason for hating sex is that your boyfriend doesn't notice who you are as a person, not simply a physical body engaged in sex.

How do I get my wife to forgive me?

I didn't trust my wife when I found out that she had a new guy friend that she was texting and calling. I investigated him before I found out that he was gay and that there was nothing going on. Now all my wife and I do is fight about trust.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-wife-to-forgive-me

intimacy

Margaret Van AckerenMA, LMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda

Hello. Being unable to trust your significant other certainly can cause one to feel unsettled. Has your spouse ever done anything questionable that would cause you to not trust her? If so, then it will take time and some work to gain the trust back. Couple's counseling would be of benefit. If not, then you may want to consider seeing a therapist on your own in order to better learn where your insecurities come from. There are several possible reasons why you may be feeling insecure but without knowing them, the issue is not likely to get resolved. In the meantime, I suggest that when you're feeling upset and are unable to trust what your wife says/does, think before you speak. Ask yourself if you have valid reasons to not trust her. Instead of arguing, try and communicate how you're feeling and let her know that resolving this trust issue will be a top priority for you so that you can focus on other aspects of your relationship. Hope it all works out for you both!

How do I get my wife to forgive me?

I didn't trust my wife when I found out that she had a new guy friend that she was texting and calling. I investigated him before I found out that he was gay and that there was nothing going on. Now all my wife and I do is fight about trust.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-wife-to-forgive-me

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Instead of fighting about trust, is it possible for you and your wife to talk with other about areas which upset each of you?Whenever feelings are hurt, knowing what exactly is problematic and being heard and understood by the partner, goes a long way to building trust.These type of discussions are hard to have, and especially for the first time.  A lot of emotions arise and often people lose their conversation focus from this.If you and your wife have a tough time opening up to each other, consider scheduling time with a couples therapist.Just by each of you committing time to invest in the relationship will show faith in the relationship, and this may contribute to restoring trust.

How can I stop myself from making poor choices and hurting the one I love?

I've been in a relationship for over a year. He's cheated and lied. I heard he's married, but he says he's not. Everything is very up and down; there's no trust. Recently, he went on a trip, and I promised him I'd behave and not drink because when I drink, I drink too much, and I tend to make poor choices. This time, I made a huge mistake: I drank too much, and I cheated on him. I slept with another man for about five minutes before realizing what I was doing is wrong. I told him and he just got really rude. He called me names and threatened me. I feel bad as I do love him. We just have so many issues. I'm not a bad person, I've just made a lot of bad mistakes. It’s unintentional, and I know right from wrong, but why do I still make the wrong choice?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-myself-from-making-poor-choices-and-hurting-the-one-i-love

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Calgary (Canada!),  Let me get this straight...you're in a 'relationship', but he might be married. You both cheat and lie and he's abusive. The short answer is that there is too much wrong here for this therapist to try and fix it. Relationships don't heal us and they don't help us grow up. We have to be mature and stable enough to love someone before it's going to work. I'd recommend you focus on yourself alone for a while. You have a lot to sort out. I wish you the best.

My wife no longer wants sex

I crave attention, companionship, and sex. She has had a hysterectomy, and she has a bad knee.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-no-longer-wants-sex

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Hampton,Although I'd bet your wife also wants the attention and companionship, it seems that there are a few barriers in your sexual relationship right now. I also would bet that there are things that your wife would like from you. This is a very common issue; two people with different sexual drives or needs. If you both want the relationship to improve, a couple's therapist who works in sexuality is a great idea; it's a complex picture that you've only given us a glimpse of.In the meantime, you can try a few things: have compassion for your wife. She's in pain and this may preoccupy her. Sex may be uncomfortable for her. She needs understanding. You need understanding too, right?  Help her to see that you're not just angry, but lonely and hurt; it might affect how you see yourself as a man. Showing her irritability or anger might push her farther away.There are many ways to be close, intimate, and sexual that don't involve intercourse. You might want to explore some of these things and reassure her that you won't pressure her to have intercourse. Find out what your wife's wishes and ideas are. You might be surprised.These things take time to address, especially if they've been years in the making. I do recommend seeing that therapist. Relationships are very complex and it takes time to explore all the layers and barriers to change. Best of luck.

Do I leave my cheating husband or share him with someone?

I've been with my husband for eight years now. We have split twice before, and the first time was because he cheated. I took him back months later, and he really tried making it up to me by making a lot of changes. However, we continued to have issues because of my lack of trust. My insecurities and trust issues lead to physical abuse, which lead to us separating again. During that separation, he consoled himself by talking to the same girl he cheated on me with. But we then ended up back together and worked it out for a while until I got pregnant with our second child. The baby was a few months old, and he confessed to me about his secret relationship with her. He told me how he could never stop talking to her and how, during our issues, she has been and is the only women he's gone behind my back with (but on a friendship level because she's miles away). He confessed how he fought feelings for her and feels like he's possibly in love with her too. He said he feels like he's in love with the both of us now because this women has fallen for him, and she hasn't been able to leave him alone since. Even though she knows that he's still with me and happy with our family, she can’t help it, and he confessed how his feeling for her are mutual. Being that he loves me too, he wanted to be with the both of us at the same time. He wanted to have affairs with her behind my back by flying her out and staying at a hotels, but he didn't want me to find out, so he told me everything. He said he didn't want to continue to lie to me and so I can finally stop accusing him of being with other women when it's only been this one girl the whole time. He feels like my insecurities and trust issues are what pushed him closer towards her, and that no matter what he did to do right, I would still accuse him. He's caught up in his feelings and pretty much says that he wants her but doesn't want me to leave him because I'm the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. I'm of course hurt and in shock. I feel like I have to make a decision on whether I want to allow it and deal with having to share him or walk away. Both of these decisions are really hard to make because I feel like whether I stay or go, my heart will still be torn apart. I have to make a decision quick because she will be flying out sooner than I thought.

https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-leave-my-cheating-husband-or-share-him-with-someone

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Jayuya, I'm struggling in this moment with my own biases. I have biases that are about respect and every individual's need for and right to respect. Your husband lies, cheats and physically hurts you. He makes excuses and blames you for these behaviours and trains you to do the same. He demonstrates many controlling and abusive behaviours. And now, in an attempt to manipulate and silence you, he wants to have his cake and eat it too and suggests you should share him? There aren't many crumbs of this cake left for you, are there?So, my biases about respect don't make me want to rescue you or tell you what to do; I can't do that, and I don't think either of those things will help you. I'd like to ask you some questions though...Are you happy? Do you know what happy is? Do you know what respect is? Are your children safe? Are your children witnessing violence (because if they are, then they're not safe)? Do you have supports? Do your family and friends know what's happening in your life? Have you ever been to a women's shelter? Are you willing to sit down in an office with a professional who can help you think clearly? That's what I suggest. These are big decisions, you deserve some support. I wish you the best.

What can i do if there is no trust in our relationship?

I just got married with my husband. I have four kids of my own, and he accepts me with my kids. I am thankful he loves my kids even though they’re not his. Now we are having problems in our relationship because of my past. I know all marriages have problems, but sometimes I feel it’s not going to work out if there’s no trust. It’s hard for me to let go because I love him, but I am getting tired.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-if-there-is-no-trust-in-our-relationship

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Louisiana,You say that the problems are with your "past", but my hunch is the problems are about his insecurity and his personal barriers to trust (unless you've recently revealed details of a sordid past?). You don't mention ever having hurt the trust in the relationship.Trust is the first stage in a relationship. Moving forward before they develop trust is a common mistake couples make, and now you two have involved children in a relationship that's missing a crucial element. But you didn't see this coming, did you? That's because only as we become emotionally intimate do our deeper fears and insecurities come to the surface. I give you credit for wanting it to work, and I believe you would benefit from the support of a therapist in working through the kinks related to trust. Good luck!

I'm scared of hurting my boyfriend after he had a cyst removed from his testicles

My boyfriend and I have not had sex in a couple of weeks. He had to have a cyst removed on his testicles. I have been wanting to have sex with him for a while now, and it drives me crazy not to be able to make love to him. I'm scared to touch him and get close to him because I'm afraid that I will hurt him.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-scared-of-hurting-my-boyfriend-after-he-had-a-cyst-removed-from-his-testicles

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Are you talking with your boyfriend about his doctor advises on starting to have sex again?Being able to talk together about topics that involve both of you, will establish a new type of intimacy on an emotional level.Also, there are many ways of making love.  If your bf's cyst hasn't yet healed, then another way of both increasing your emotional intimacy and learning different love making suggestions, is to read about these together with him.I hope the two of you enjoy learning new ways of sexually taking care of one another, while developing more emotional closeness in the process.

My husband works all the time and neglects his family

My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-works-all-the-time-and-neglects-his-family

intimacy

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Ohio, The crazy things about situations like this is that, almost guaranteed, while your husband is out working and away from home, he feels he's doing it all for you and the kids; he believes he's loving you. He might feel like he's carrying his family on his shoulders. Your 'love language' is different...you'd rather spend time with him or talk to him...you want to feel like he's a bigger part of the family and feel connected to him. I absolutely understand that, and I support you asking for that.He might very well miss that feeling of connectedness too, but he's likely also feeling the weight of financial responsibility. A lot of men (and women) don't talk about this but they feel it. Sometimes they feel like they can't win either way; there's pressure to earn and pressure to be home. He has needs too; he probably wants more appreciation and less blame. I urge you to talk to him about how you feel, find out how he's feeling, and use a professional to assist you if your communication styles aren't great. Right now you WANT to spend time with him and that tells me that you have a good chance of addressing this problem successfully.

My husband works all the time and neglects his family

My husband always works. He does work from home, but his hours are from morning until night, and he neglects his family. If I have anything I want to do, I have to find a babysitter, but he does what he wants. He rarely comes to bed when I do, and we never have date nights.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-works-all-the-time-and-neglects-his-family

intimacy

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I'm glad you're aware to expect more satisfaction from being part of a couple, than you currently describe yourself as having.Are you and your husband able to talk about any or all of what you've written here?His answers would be a starting point for knowing how he understands his share of your relationship and whether and how he would like making any changes.If the two of you feel too much tension in the relationship to bring up any of the topics you write about here, then ask yourself the reason for this.Very commonly, people are afraid to ask questions of their partner, even when feeling unhappy and that they'd like changes to the relationship.Often, people are fearful of harsh criticism by the partner and worry that by simply stating the reasons for feeling unhappy, will mean hearing judgments against them, spoken by the partner.It is always a good idea to utilize the services of a professional, credentialed and licensed therapist, if after trying to start a conversation on the topics you bring up here, does not go well or very far.For all of us, the emotions in our intimate relationships are deep and powerful.  They are not easy to handle, especially under tension and frustration.Sending lots of good wishes for future happiness!

I want to have sexual experiences with adults, male or female

How do I stop those thoughts?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-have-sexual-experiences-with-adults-male-or-female

intimacy

Lisa ShouldicePsychotherapist MA, RP, CCP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisa-shouldice-toronto

The thoughts you are having are just thoughts.  Not actions.  It is your choice whether you act on these thoughts.  If you decide to explore having sex with adults of different genders that is great.  If you find yourself obsessed with sexual thoughts, you may want to see a cognitive-behavioural therapist.  Take care.

What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-you-do-if-your-partner-isn-t-satisfying-your-needs-sexually

intimacy

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

Talking to your partner about what's off  would be a good place to start, but sometimes that can be really hard to muster the courage to do alone. It may not feel emotionally safe to dive into. This is where couples, and even more specifically, sex therapy can be really helpful. Therapy with a qualified professional can help to hold a safe and supportive space for you and your partner to open and explore these dynamics. You can also pick up some amazing books like Passionate Marriage which could be what you need to get that conversation started.

What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-you-do-if-your-partner-isn-t-satisfying-your-needs-sexually

intimacy

Earl LewisRelationship Expert

https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis

Depends:  What do would you like to see happen?

Any suggestions for erection problems?

I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it.

https://counselchat.com/questions/any-suggestions-for-erection-problems

intimacy

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

When a doc blows you off it may be a signal that it is time to find a new one! ED can often be caused by health issues. If all physical possibilities are ruled out then it's time to look within and enlist the help of a sex therapist. Here's a good article for you to start with.

Any suggestions for erection problems?

I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it.

https://counselchat.com/questions/any-suggestions-for-erection-problems

intimacy

Keisha HelmsMS Counseling Psychology

https://counselchat.com/therapists/keisha-helms

Hi there, first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not, this problem is very common for men and women. There are some things that you can try naturally, before resulting in medication, such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly? How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily? These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it, in order for it to continue to run. If you would like to get further natural advice and/or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising, I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor, I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!

My wife has a diminished libido, and is faking orgasms and denying it. What do I do?

My wife and I are newly married, about 2 months. We've had some issues surrounding sex, particularly her lack of libido. She's on an anxiety medication, of which diminished libido is a side effect, but I think our issue is also partly one of a lack of intimacy/romance centered around my hectic schedule. Our sex life has suffered as a result. Tonight she made a genuine effort to let me know she wanted sex, which is a big deal. Once things started, she had the most obviously fake orgasm I've ever encountered. I was honest with her about why, and told her that the most important thing to me in sex was knowing that she was legitimately enjoying it. She responded angrily with a complete denial of the faking. I don't know how to broach this subject and have an honest conversation. I think she will continue to lie to me about faking it which will cause our sex life to spiral further. Please help.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-has-a-diminished-libido-and-is-faking-orgasms-and-denying-it-what-do-i-do

intimacy

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

You are newly married, you Have a hectic schedule, your wife is on anti anxiety medication. What if you take the focus (hint: pressure) off of her orgasms and focus instead on connecting with one another. You know, like the gestures you each likely made while dating.  It turns out that these little moments of connection throughout our days are actually foreplay. Spend a few weeks making a real effort to focus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about this a while back, you can find it here: http://connectfulness.com/little-moments/ And have fun with it!

My wife and I have been married for over 3 years and we're tired of having sex

We make love once per month. Is it normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-and-i-have-been-married-for-over-3-years-and-we-re-tired-of-having-sex

intimacy

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

To begin with, what's normal for one couple isn't going to be normal for the next, every couple has their own normal and that's important to keep in mind. Your sexual lives will ebb and flow. What I'd be more curious about is the quality rather than the quantity of the sex you are having. I'd also want you both to refocus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about exactly that a while back and you can find it here.

I tell my husband I love him. But I don't believe it or feel it

When having sex I think of other men and want other men all day long. Been married 3 years, together 14. What do you think?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-tell-my-husband-i-love-him-but-i-don-t-believe-it-or-feel-it

intimacy

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

Sustaining passion in marriage is tough stuff. It's a relatively modern dilemma you are facing with perhaps unrealistic expectations of what marriage "should" be. It sounds like your definitions of love and sexual passion have merged together, that's both common and confusing! Intimacy and sexuality within your marriage are bound to ebb and flow. Resparking your passion will involve growing. Using your sexual drama and fantasies as windows into discovering your needs (security) and wants (desires). Marriage is a people growing process; you mature into one another and to achieve fulfillment your continued development will be required.

How do I deal with a weird fetish I'm afraid of opening up about?

I have this weird fetish that I'm afraid to open up about it. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-weird-fetish-i-m-afraid-of-opening-up-about

intimacy

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

This is difficult to answer because you don’t tell us what the fetish is.  I do understand that this is something that is bothering you though. The first thing to ask yourself is if this is something that is illegal or not.  If this is illegal to engage in, then you need to seek counseling help immediately to control the urges.However, if your fetish is not something illegal and you just feel that it is something odd, a therapist could still help you deal with these feelings.  You may find that it is something very common and not something to be ashamed of.  You may find other people have the same interest as you.  Find a therapist that you can trust and tell them.  Don’t hold back with your therapist.  Trust me, they have heard and seen it all by now, and they can help you either stop the behavior that is causing you distress, or help you come to terms with accepting the behavior as part of who you are.  There is no need to suffer with this alone.

What should I do if my boyfriend can't get over my past?

My boyfriend can't get over my promiscuous past. He says he loves me but says the thought of my past is disgusting and a sexual distraction. He says he should have had more sex with different people. I don't know how to handle this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-if-my-boyfriend-can-t-get-over-my-past

intimacy

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles. One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about? In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this. I think it is common and natural for partners to ask about the sexual history. For one thing, it is a good idea to be checked for STD’s before entering into a sexual relationship with someone, and it is fair to share that information with each other. Partners usually want to know how many you have been with and what kind of sexual preferences you have or if there is anything you don’t like to do. This gets into a gray area for some people. I don’t necessarily want to know how many people my partner has been with and I certainly don’t want a whole lot of details. Sometimes that is an image I just don’t want in my head about my partner. Vague details are usually enough.However, I understand that your partner has the details and is not happy with your past. This is a reflection on him, not you. This shows insecurities on his part. You cannot control how he will react to information that you provide to him and you cannot control how he feels about the information. The past should remain in the past and not be held against you in the present or future. If he cannot handle your past then it is going to cloud your relationship. You can offer couples counseling to him and see if he will go with you. I have seen relationships recover from some very serious problems such as infidelity. It takes two people who both want it to work to make it work though. If your boyfriend cannot get over your past, you may have to let him go. Don’t keep yourself tied to someone who is not right for you. Constantly holding your past over your head and holding that against you is only going to bring you down and eventually you may start having insecurities or low self-esteem due to this type of treatment. I don’t see that you have done anything wrong. If you aren’t cheating on him now and you answered his questions about your past honestly, how he handles that information is on him. Ultimately, relationships have a tendency to come and go. Don’t fight to hold onto someone who is not right for you. It is okay to be single and enjoy being the best you that you can be. In time, the right person for you will enter your life.

I'm losing my husband because my lack of sex drive

I have no sex drive due to medical issues. I’ve shut down completely and closed everyone out. I’ve even told my husband that I wanted a divorce since that’s what I thought he wanted to hear. However, it devastated me when I learned he's seeing someone else. I’ve since told him that I wanted to work things out but he’s not sure I actually mean it. He thinks the only reason I want him back is because I’m jealous. How do I show him I’m serious?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-losing-my-husband-because-my-lack-of-sex-drive

intimacy

Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez

I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. My heart goes out to you during this time.First of all, it is of vital importance that you discuss your symptoms with your doctor. Regardless of whether you are able to mend your relationship with your husband, you need to address the physical issues you are experiencing. More than likely he/she will be able to help you relieve some of these symptoms.Secondly, you must be upfront and honest with your husband. Intimacy is a large part of a relationship and it is unfair to your husband that you did not disclose how you were feeling. I think he would appreciate knowing that it was your medical problems causing the lack of sexual desire as opposed to the reason being him.If you explain to him that you are addressing your sexual issues with your doctor in order to enhance your relationship, he may be more willing to see that you are serious in wanting to mend the relationship. The conversation will be hard to explain to your doctor and your husband since it is of such a personal nature but it will be extremely beneficial. And please note that the reason for the feelings you were experiencing (or lack thereof), was not your fault.Best of luck to you and your husband!

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I'm sorry your grandpa died.Good for you to write on this site about wanting help to know how best to live with this new loss.Have you looked online for blogs and forums about adjusting to a recent death?  That you know you'd like another person to help you adjust, is a good sign of your own mental health stability.It is possible that reading online blogs and discussion forums, writing on these if you feel like doing so, and possibly joining a local free support group, will be all you need to feel better.There is no set timeline in grief.   Let yourself take as much time as you feel is best for you.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

You have my deepest condolences!  It is hard to lose someone you love, was close!  Remembering the good times and wrapping yourself in those warm memories.  Think of your grandpa in his totality, all the things about him, so you remember the entire essence of him. Perhaps you could write to him, saying what you would want to say and maybe even going so far as to think and respond in a way that he would.  Feeling your feelings, do not stuff them down, your feelings are valid. Grief is handled differently, experienced uniquely for each person.  This thought also helps, see the graphic I am adding, please.  Take him with you in your heart as you move forward in your life. Also, there are places to receive grief counseling at low and/or reduced even for free rates.  You may consider doing things in his honor, being kind, paying it forward, starting a tree-planting drive, or another event to honor him his legacy.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Dr. Joi LatsonLets start your journey today!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-joi-latson

Hi! There are support groups to join! I facilitate grief groups at trauma resolution center. Individuals are free to join if you live in Fl. Feel free to call 305-374-9990 to ask when the next grief group will begin. They are virtual

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

Prayer online requests.  Search for free spiritual support for grief.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind

https://counselchat.com/therapists/michele-ramey

I'll help you! Let's work something out! Email me! If I can't help you I will help you with a referral for someone else who might be able to help. Or call the back of your insurance card and see if you can get in touch with a community mental health center that helps clients who can't afford normal prices for therapy. Or google a College/University near you that has a therapy or counseling program and they have a clinic on campus. I was the manager of mine and at the time, I had a client only paying $1 per session. They will try to help you as much as they can. Hopefully this helps!

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Chris SheehanLet's build upon your INNER STRENGTH so you can HEAL, GROW, THRIVE, and live a life you love! www.InnerStrengthTherapyLLC.com

https://counselchat.com/therapists/chris-sheehan

Grief can be confusing, and it can be hard to know who to talk to and how you are supposed to feel. It can be helpful to talk to a trusted adult to get support with talking to your family  about your need for counseling at this difficult time. You can find free resources and support online at:-https://whatsyourgrief.com-www.GriefNet.org-The Dougy Center at https://www.tdcschoolkit/org/teens

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner

https://counselchat.com/therapists/audrey-oneal-3

My condolences to you. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is certainly an  emotionally devastating experience particularly in the early stages of grief. Healing from grief can include counseling, but also attending grief support groups can be helpful. Generally, there is no cost for attending a group apart from a voluntary donation.The universality of experience as well as the cohesion that happens between members contributes to healing in a significant way. During a pandemic, meetings may have been cancelled. However, you can also find support in attending online grief support groups. Compassionate Friends  is an organization which helps families deal with the death of a child, but their website provides excellent resources for related groups you might want to explore that may  lead you to an active online support group. All the best to you.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc

It's really admirable that you are reaching out to get help for something that can be very hard to deal with on your own.Many counselors work based off a sliding-scale, meaning they may lower their fees to meet client's needs.  This can vary by location and therapist availability.  Another option is to try searching for counselors that would consider working with you probono.  There's no harm in asking!It also may be helpful to check with your insurance company to see what services they cover and what their copay is.  If it turns out that you are unable to find what you need, there are still many online support groups you can search via Google and/or Facebook that are specifically geared toward loss of loved ones.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Ian Palombo#ThoughtMediator & #LifeUntangler

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ian-palombo

Feeling profound sadness after the death of a loved one? Experiencing excessive guilt about something left unsaid or undone? Are you gripped with fear? Caught in a cycle of anxiety, helplessness, or panic? Having trouble resuming a normal life with grief and pain as your constant companions? Grief counseling could help you understand what's happened and provide professional help and support through it.Learn to cope with their grieving experience.Grief is a natural human response to loss. That doesn’t mean the loss of a loved one isn’t an intense and at times desolate experience. While painful experiences are normal during this time, your emotions may feel trapped on a non-stop roller coaster. You may experience downs and deeper downs interspersed with periods of brief respite.You can learn to express and come to terms with the broad range of emotions involved in the grieving process, from those that you may expect — sadness, loneliness, exhaustion -  to those that come as a surprise, such as relief, anger, and a sense of confusion. We offer a variety of therapeutic approaches to best support you and work with you as an equal collaborator to empower and engage your healing.Loss is a very personal journey, with some finding it more difficult than others. While grieving for the same person can often foster compassion and connection among family and friends, it’s also common for the grieving to struggle with anger, conflict, a lack of understanding, or an inability to fully share your feelings with others. Grief and bereavement counseling can provide you a much-needed safe space to work through your struggles with a caring, nonjudgmental professional.Do any of these describe you? You’re struggling to come to terms with a lossYou feel overwhelmed with grief, fear, despair, or worryYour faith seems shattered and you feel abandoned at your time of greatest needYou feel alone as everyone else seems to have moved on without youYou want to live a happier, more connected lifeYou’d like professional support to better cope through the grieving processA counselor may offer the support, guidance, and expert care you need. In grief and bereavement counseling we work with you toward lessening the pain so you can function well in your post-loss life. We listen with empathy, discuss ways to deal with unhelpful and unhealthy thoughts and behaviors, and teach you techniques to manage distress and enable you to move forward.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Dr. Melissa ValentinaHonor Yourself and Live Your Truth

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-melissa-valentina

If you connect with your therapist and can say whatever you want to say and not be judged. If you feel like things, situations, your outlook are shifting for you.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-timothy-paul

Y'know, to see a man you've loved and care for pass on must make ya' want to cry and weep a bunch, don't it?And, may I say to you that... (as I've long since said)... if you need to mourn, take about a week or so and mourn like your life depended on it.  I mean, get to weeping, gnashing, moaning, crying, solemnness, and reflection.And then, after about a week or so, reflect on the man as if he were a well-beloved traveler... sent off on a wondrous journey that will consume and encapsulate his entire awareness... and...Rather than expression vibrations of fatigue, sadness, and anger, send him the finest recollections and images you have of him, and regard him fondly...For, I think you will realize that the dead are not gone forever, but are actually extraordinarily active... and when he sees what you express out from within yourself, he experiences it himself (probably more than you know); so, why not send the very best you have out to him :)

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Christina McGrath Fair"Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean." -Thich Nhat Hanh

https://counselchat.com/therapists/christina-mcgrath-fair

I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-suraci

Losing someone you love, someone who has been there from your very first days, is really hard.  Look for a local hospice support organization in your community - grief groups and counseling are often available through these centers.  Don't just tough it out and wait for your sadness to fade.  Your grandfather would not want that for you.  Take extra good care of yourself and get some support

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Maggi HorsemanUnconscious material, symbols, and self-knowledge

https://counselchat.com/therapists/maggi-horseman

Your local hospice will have grief support groups and free community counseling available with bereavement counselors who are expects with grief and loss.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Eileen Moran

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eileen-moran

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Angela TopcuPsychotherapist, specializing in Grief, Anxiety and Self-Esteem

https://counselchat.com/therapists/angela-topcu

Hello,I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. My suggestion would be to look into community mental health agencies in your area. Sometimes they can offer low-fee counseling. You can also check the hospitals in your area because they may offer free or low-fee bereavement support groups, which can be very helpful. Lastly, you may want to look into reading some books about grief as they can help you understand the general effects of grief and feel comforted that you are not alone. Lastly, some therapists offer sliding scale, or reduced fee so it doesn't hurt to call some local therapists to see if they offer could offer a very low-fee. I hope this helps! Please take good care of yourself. Grief is so difficult but please know the pain will ease up over time. Warmly,Angela Topcu, MFT

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Amelia Mora MarsHi, I'm Amelia. I help overwhelmed, stressed out teen girls and women find peace again.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/amelia-mora-mars

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He must have been very special to you and it definitely makes sense that you are having a hard time with it. Counseling may be an option if you have a university near you with a graduate marriage and family therapist program. Graduate students provide counseling at a very low cost as part of their traineeship.  Here is an example... http://www.clucounseling.org/.  Another possibility is a support group for bereavement and loss. Many are free. I wish you the best towards healing your heart.

I just lost my grandpa

I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it. I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-just-lost-my-grandpa-2

grief-and-loss

Gwendolyn Nelson-Terrywww.GwendolynNelsonTerry.com

https://counselchat.com/therapists/gwendolyn-nelson-terry

I'm sorry you lost your grandpa.  Some things that may help you through this tough time are to journal or write about special memories you have of your grandpa.  You could also journal about your feelings of loss and how you miss him.  Another thing that might help is to talk with a friend or family member.  Sharing special memories of the person you lost can help you to grieve.If you would like to pursue counseling I would suggest doing an internet search for grief groups in your area.  Sometimes hospitals or hospice centers will offer them for free or low cost.  You can also do an internet search for non-profit counseling clinics in your area.  Many cities and towns will have a non-profit clinic that can provide low cost counseling, it might be worth checking into.

How can I end the grief of my son's passing?

It's now the 18th anniversary of my son's passing. The pain has not gotten any easier to deal with. Each year from the time he is born to the time he passed. I break down into a spinning depression. Nothing I have tried or read helps in anyway.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-end-the-grief-of-my-son-s-passing

grief-and-loss

Eileen Moran

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eileen-moran

How do I deal with the pain of losing my baby?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-the-pain-of-losing-my-baby

grief-and-loss

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Recognize and allow yourself to know your feelings.  And, let this process take as long as it naturally requires.  You won't feel this way forever, and the feelings will dissolve by themselves once you've accepted them.Also take good care of your physical self during your grieving time.   Grieving usually means people withdraw themselves from everyday life as much as possible.While emotionally it is necessary to primarily care about knowing your recent loss matters, monitor yourself to eat properly, keep your house in good shape, wash your clothes and take care of your personal hygiene.Otherwise it is possible to get overwhelmed from your own self-neglect of daily life.Finally too, a major loss such as you have, is a time for reflection and re-evaluation of overall life happiness and direction.Let yourself know more about who you are and in which direction you'd like to go as your grief feels more manageable and you regain interest in everyday life.

How do I deal with the pain of losing my baby?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-the-pain-of-losing-my-baby

grief-and-loss

Michelle ComerMaternal, Infant, and Early Childhood Mental Health

https://counselchat.com/therapists/michelle-comer

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Here are some things that I know have worked for other parents following the loss of their babies: allow yourself to feel all your feelings no matter how big or scary they may be, find ways to memorialize the baby now and in the future, and don't put a time limit on your grief.  It isn't a linear process so you will have days that make you feel like you did the moment you experienced the loss.  On other days, you will feel better and may not even think about the baby.  I hope you have a really good support system and at least one trusted person you can share your thoughts and feelings with without any judgment.  If you don't, I know parents have found comfort in journaling or blogging as ways to express themselves.  I'm glad you have reached out for help.  I'm wishing you well..

How do I deal with the pain of losing my baby?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-the-pain-of-losing-my-baby

grief-and-loss

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

First, I'm very sorry that this has happened.With just the information that you mentioned, I'm not sure whether you mean that you lost your baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, very young after being born, or several years into your child's life. While the process of working through your loss would certainly have similar components no matter how old your baby was, there are some differences as well.In general, I would suggest that you find more than one person in your life who you can trust to talk with about your feelings. If you have no one or would prefer to talk to someone who was not as close to you in that sense, consider speaking with a mental health professional.There is quite a process to grieving and it certainly takes time. It's different for everyone and the timetable is different for everyone.Here's a link to some information about some tasks of grieving. This is very general information and it would likely be helpful to work through it with someone: http://therapychanges.com/blog/2015/05/review-wordens-four-tasks-of-grieving/I don't know how long ago you lost your baby, but it may also be helpful to look at what remains that you do have control over. For example, I imagine that you choose what you want to eat, how you want to dress, whether or not to go to school or work, etc. While I'm sure your routine is quite different than it was before your loss, consider establishing a basic routine for daily activities.Also, depending upon the age of your child, you could probably find a local support group.Having pain after losing your baby is quite typical and is a reflection of how important your baby was, and still is, to you. If you feel as though you are going through this alone or without the type of support that you want (it is possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone), consider finding some effective support as an important beginning step. Reaching out here is certainly the beginning of that.

Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-being-mean-and-fighting-with-my-boyfriend-normal-after-an-abortion

grief-and-loss

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

It isn't.Being mean and fighting suggest the naturally strong emotions associated with the decision to end a pregnancy.Even the most detailed thought out decision to end a pregnancy, has mixed emotions along with it.Look within for any emotions which are similar to losing someone with whom you feel close.   This may connect your sense of loss to how you may feel now.Also, you and your boyfriend can talk together on the subject of how you each feel about the abortion.  This may start a more connecting dialogue.If either of you do not want to discuss the abortion, then realize the other person may have strong feelings and feelings which are different from each other's to understand, require some quiet time and respect their need to do so.

Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-being-mean-and-fighting-with-my-boyfriend-normal-after-an-abortion

grief-and-loss

Eileen Moran

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eileen-moran

Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-being-mean-and-fighting-with-my-boyfriend-normal-after-an-abortion

grief-and-loss

Catherine HodgeLicensed Mental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hodge

Yes, it is completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions after a major loss. Healing can occur in stages. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed the concept of the five stages of grief:Denial - Unable to believe the reality of the loss.Anger - Wanting to blame somebody or something, having thoughts like "this isn't fair!" and "why me?"Bargaining - Hope that you can somehow avoid the cause of grief with a promise to compromise or change.Depression - Feeling sad, discouraged, and/or hopeless.Acceptance - Being able to remember with love rather than pain.The stages are not linear and not everyone experiences all five stages in this order. This 5-stage model is meant to help normalize the grieving process and educate individuals that you have to let yourself feel your way through your grief. It can help to work with a trained professional counselor to guide and support you on your path to healing. ​​

Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-being-mean-and-fighting-with-my-boyfriend-normal-after-an-abortion

grief-and-loss

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Saying that this is a very emotional time for you would be quite the understatement. I would imagine that there are lots of changes in mood and different emotions that you feel about the abortion itself.Also, there are probably quite a few hormonal changes happening as well.Is your boyfriend able to provide support through this process?There is some information here about some of the changes you may be experiencing as well as a link to a place where you may find support groups: http://psychcentral.com/lib/understanding-abortion-grief-and-the-recovery-process/?all=1 Please realize that if you would like to talk with someone about this, someone is there. There are links at the article above and you can also call a local mental health professional. The link above is meant to link you to some places that are supportive. I would just like to be clear that I respect the decision that you have made and I am looking only to link you to places and people that are supportive of that.

Why can't I stop crying?

My grandma and brother both passed away 11 years ago and sometimes at night I just can't stop crying while thinking about the good memories we had but won't have ever again. I can't sleep at night when the memories and tears come I'll be fine all day then at night...boom! it's like waterfalls from my eyes. Why can't I stop crying?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-crying

grief-and-loss

Linda MullinKicking anxiety and depression to the curb!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/linda-mullin

It's good to know you are reminiscing about good memories.  The sadness and crying is normal when you are missing a loved one.  You are noticing that grief changes, it doesn't just stop.  You have recognized that there will be moments in life that you will want to have shared with your brother and grandma and it just seems unfair that you cannot.  I often find that when someone is stuck in the place you are, it is a result of unfinished business and in your case, it appears, unfinished futures.  A professional versed in grieving and it's intricacies, can guide you to navigate through this and lessen the intensity that you experience.  As life goes on, there will be many moments that you will have wished they were present, but those moments do not have to bring you such intense emotion.  Seek some help, you won't regret it.

Why can't I stop crying?

My grandma and brother both passed away 11 years ago and sometimes at night I just can't stop crying while thinking about the good memories we had but won't have ever again. I can't sleep at night when the memories and tears come I'll be fine all day then at night...boom! it's like waterfalls from my eyes. Why can't I stop crying?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-stop-crying

grief-and-loss

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Because you're sad and miss the relationship you had w grandma and your brother.The academic point that grief takes a different length of time to lift for each person, is true.Also, from a spiritual perspective, your grandma and brother are still here in loving relation to you, just not in physical body.  Pay attention if you have a sense of talking to them within your mind.  This may lessen your feeling of loss.When you're done crying about missing them, your grief will simply disappear on its own!  It cannot be forced to leave.

I lost my mom, and I feel like I'm depressed

Last year, I just always felt hopeless. I don't have a great relationship with my sister. I lost my mother recently, and that really added to my sadness. My sister always brings up how I was never close to my mother.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lost-my-mom-and-i-feel-like-i-m-depressed

grief-and-loss

Emily Freeze, MPH, MA, LMFTSpecialist in Women's Mental Health

https://counselchat.com/therapists/emily-freeze-mph-ma-lmft

I am so sorry about your loss.  Losing someone you love is always difficult, however, losing a mother is a significant loss in a daughters life.  What makes this loss complicated is that it appears you have also had a loss in your relationship with your sister.  It is difficult to know what happened with your sister with the limited information you have provided, but what I suspect is that there are some unresolved issues between the two of you and that she may be projecting her pain on to you.  It is important to remember that your sister is also grieving the loss of your mother and may not be dealing with it in a very healthy way.  By her bringing up your relationship with your mother and suggesting that you were "never close" to her is her opinion.  Only you can define and determine what your relationship was like with your mother.  If there is truth to this, then it may be something you may need to talk about with a counselor.   There could be an added layer of ambiguous loss in that you are not only grieving her physical absence, but could be grieving the loss of a relationship you wish you could have had with her and the realization that you never will.  You and your sister are both in the heart of the grieving cycle.  When two people are grieving the same loss at the same time, it is difficult to provide support to each other because of their own struggle, even if they both were on good terms with each other.  Depression is part of the cycle of grief.  It is absolutely normal to feel sad, as well as experiencing other depressive symptoms (i.e., feelings of isolation, lack of motivation, low energy, sleep or appetite changes, etc.).  Anger is another phase of the grief cycle.  Your sister may be stuck in the anger phase, not wanting to connect with her own feelings of sadness, so this may be why she is being hurtful towards you, in projecting her anger onto you in order to avoid the vulnerability of experiencing her own grief.Finally, it appears that your depression proceeded the loss of your mother and is making your experience with grief more complicated.  Were you officially diagnosed and treated for depression prior to your loss?  Depression in grief is different than a depressive mood disorder.  Depression can be situational (i.e., triggered by an event) or related to genetics, undiagnosed health issues, stress, trauma or other potential risk factors.  If you have a family history of depression, you are more susceptible to have depression.  It would be wise for you to discuss this with a mental health provider, and if necessary, get treatment through counseling and medical interventions.

I lost my mom, and I feel like I'm depressed

Last year, I just always felt hopeless. I don't have a great relationship with my sister. I lost my mother recently, and that really added to my sadness. My sister always brings up how I was never close to my mother.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lost-my-mom-and-i-feel-like-i-m-depressed

grief-and-loss

Genevieve RideoutChristian Counseling for Women ages 20-95

https://counselchat.com/therapists/genevieve-rideout

Wow what a painful journey you have been in for a long time. Death and grief bring up so many painful reminders of relationships--what they could have been, never were, and what was lost. With death of a family member the family often falls apart for a while... or longer. I hope you can find some support for you and your pain that was occurring before your mom's passing. I also hope you can find someone to help you set boundaries with your sister so you can have your time (as long as you need) to heal from losing your mom and then later figure out how to interact with your sister.

How can I stop craving nostalgia?

The past always feels much brighter and more beautiful than my present. Everything about what's gone feels so amazing; almost like I'm high off nostalgia. But in the end it just makes me feel sadder knowing that all of the memories (and a close friend that left me) are gone forever. How do I move past that and live more in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-craving-nostalgia

grief-and-loss

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Do some self-reflecting as to what areas of your life you'd currently like to develop.The good news is you know how happiness feels.That you were able to create situations and dynamics which produced happiness in your life is good motivation to believe happiness is possible and to try new ways to create this in your life.

I feel guilty about my fathers death

I spent my whole life taking care of my dad, but left because of his verbally abusive behavior. I was the only one that helped with his health issues. I feel if I hadn't left he might still be alive. I need help dealing with my grief and guilty conscience.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-guilty-about-my-fathers-death

grief-and-loss

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

I see such a sharp contrast between your question and your first sentence. Do you see it? "I feel guilty about my father's death", and "I spent my WHOLE LIFE taking care of my dad." Wow. After everyone else had left him to his misery, you hung in there. He is so lucky to have had you there. You didn't have to do that. I have a hunch that your dad blamed you for a lot of things. Abusive people do that a lot; they make you believe things are your fault when they're not. You did the opposite of what you fear you did. You didn't contribute to your dad's death; your selfless care gave him a longer life...better health. In the end, no one's love and care could save him. No one could fault you for deciding you had had enough at some point. I would never expect anyone to keep putting themselves in a hurting place over and over again. But this is what you did. You did it for him, and you did it so you wouldn't feel guilty. But you feel guilty anyway, right?...so putting yourself in that position was only worth it if you allow your loving acts to melt away the guilt. Can you tell yourself "It's okay that I had to take care of myself too."... "I gave up a lot for my dad; I have nothing to feel guilty about".Putting yourself last for your dad was a loving thing to do. And... my hope is that you can also find different ways to help yourself feel "good enough" in this world, and a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.  :)

How do you cope with the death of your child, while surrounded with your parents who aren't supportive and disregard your feelings?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-cope-with-the-death-of-your-child-while-surrounded-with-your-parents-who-aren-t-supportive-and-disregard-your-feelings

grief-and-loss

Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your loss, which must be very painful. It sounds like in addition to the loss, you are also feeling invalidated by your parents and alone with your grief. Grieving is a very personal and sometimes complex process which many people are ill equipped to support us through. If you can get the support of a competent therapist, this may be quite valuable in helping work through this process.

I think my wife is running from the pain of losing our first born

My wife is trying to leave. She agreed to come back and give me a little time. Even said she hopes I can do it. We buried our first born in Jan 13 years ago. She never got past it. So every year around this time, she gets emotional and says she doesn't think she loves me, but then we go back to normal. This time, another guy came in and showed her attention. I'll forgive the cheating if she'll come home.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-my-wife-is-running-from-the-pain-of-losing-our-first-born

grief-and-loss

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I'm sorry that you lost your first born child.  Death of a child always leaves a permanent reminder to the parents of a very painful time in their lives.The good news is your awareness that you and your wife are not connected in a satisfying way.There are many possible areas to examine in your relationship as partners and as parents.If what you write here are your observations and theories about your wife's outlook and conclusions, then the first step is to directly have conversations together on the topics you write here.What needs clarifying is what her reasons are for wanting to leave the marriage.Often, a crisis such as a child's death, motivates someone to look deeply into other intimate relationships.  Keep in mind that looking deeply doesn't necessarily mean leaving the marriage.Also, be aware of your own frustrations and marital discontent.  Be ready to talk about your feelings and uncertainties.There is no such thing as one happy partner in a marriage and one unhappy partner.   Each person is part of a system and can only be as satisfied as their partner.The conversations that open relationship hurts and disappointments, hold a lot of emotion.  They are difficult to keep on track.Best recommendation is to find a couples therapist who will be neutral to each of you as individuals, and help both of you examine the true health of the relationship.

How do I cope with losing my mom?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-losing-my-mom

grief-and-loss

Britta NeinastLCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/britta-neinast-valparaiso

First, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. The grief of losing a parent can be very difficult to work through. When you lose someone you love, you are forever changed. The goal of working through any loss is to reach a "new normal." Though you will never forget your mom, the grief processing is about learning to live in a different way, without her physical presence. One of the best things you can do is find a good support system. You need to talk about your loss, and talk about it a lot. Talking helps work through your emotions and reach a place of healing. Find friends you trust who can support you or find a good grief support group. They are hugely beneficial since the group will understand exactly how you feel. If you find you are still struggling, a good grief counselor will also help.

How do I find happiness after my boyfriend passed away?

I loved him more than anything. He passed away on our anniversary which was also the day I was going to apply for our apartment. I'm not handling it well. I moved to a new town and started a new life but nothing helps.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-happiness-after-my-boyfriend-passed-away

grief-and-loss

Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez

I am so sorry to hear of your boyfriend's passing. Grief is something that can take a long time to recover from. Have you considered speaking with a grief counselor? Being able to speak with someone that specializes in grief would be very beneficial. Do not get down on yourself for not recovering quickly. This is one of the hardest aspects to deal with in life but eventually you will be able to move forward. In the mean time, immerse yourself with positivity (i.e. Good friends, hobbies, exercise) and try to schedule a time with a counselor. Perhaps there will be a support group you could also join. Oftentimes, it is comforting to meet others who share the same experience as you.Good luck to you. I hope you will find peace and comfort soon.

How do I stop grieving my mother’s death?

What can I do to stop grieving my mother’s death? When I am awake I just cry every day. I don't have anyone to talk to. I need help; I am still cry over her. Will I ever stop crying? It’s been 3 years.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-grieving-my-mother-s-death

grief-and-loss

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

I am sorry that you lost your mother. That is a really hard thing for someone to go through.There is really no set time for grief to be over, but I agree that if it has been three years and you are still crying every day then this is past the time for normal grief. I do not know how old you are and if you are in school or have a job, but I would imagine that if by now you literally were doing nothing but crying every day all day, someone would have noticed and would have gotten you some help. For one thing, bills have to be paid.There are typically five stages of grief and they can come in any order. You can go back to another stage that you previously experienced. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages. At first, people are usually in denial over the fact that they lose someone or are losing someone. This may mean that you deny they are ill or deny that they have actually died.Then comes bargaining, in which you may beg God that if you can only have this person back then you will do whatever. Depression is when the reality has settled in and when we cry and really feel the loss. It sounds like you are stuck in this phase.Finally, acceptance is when we accept that it has happened and we pick up the pieces of our life and move on.When we lose someone we never forget them. We may always have certain days that are tough, such as holidays or any special remembrance of your loved one. But we do get to the place where we accept that death is part of life and that it is inevitable, and that life goes on.A therapist can help you explore the reasons for your extended grief and can help you with coping skills to better deal with it. One suggestion I have is not to try to run from the sad feelings, don’t try to not feel them. Embrace the feelings. Let the feelings wash over you and accept them. Trying not to feel something is not going to help. Sadness is a part of life and needs to be felt just like happiness does. Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided.I am sincerely sorry that you lost your mother and that you have had such a hard time of it for three years now. You deserve to be happy and to live a full life. I am sure your mother would not want you being sad for so long. I wish you all the best as you continue to try to heal from this loss and deal with your grief.

Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility?

My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility

substance-abuse

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

I'm sorry to hear that your brother has been having such a rough time. He's lucky to have you on his side (although he may not always see it that way).As far as whether you can sign him in, that depends on a lot of different things.I would suggest that you Google the state and county that you live in as well as some phrase similar to "crisis hotline." They can tell you how it works in that county. My guess is that you could sign him in as long as he met the criteria for admission at that moment, but I can't  be entirely sure. You could also ask the person on the phone about financial responsibility. I have not heard of that being a problem, but I guess it would depend on insurance.If you have trouble finding a local  hotline, consider calling the national crisis number (800-273-8255) and ask them to help you find someone local.

Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility?

My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility

substance-abuse

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

Thanks for asking this question. I know it can be really difficult to deal with issues like this.To answer your question, you might be able to get you brother some mental health help, even if he doesn't recognize that he needs it. In most states, an individual can request a mental health evaluation of a family member if that family member poses a danger to themselves or someone else, or if they are unable to take care of their own basic needs.You can always call 911 if you are concerned about his immediate safety (for example if you find him sleeping outside in below freezing weather.  As an alternative to calling 911, you might also be able to request an evaluation from an authorized mental health provider.  The deatsils of who you would contact vary from state to state. Here's a link with some additional resources:http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/someone-i-know-is-in-crisisHe's lucky to have a brother who cares for his wellbeing as much as you do.

Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility?

My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility

substance-abuse

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

The answer depends on what State you live.Since the description you write here is that your brother may be a serious risk to himself and others, it is worth contacting a mental health hotline or one of your local area hospitals and talk to a social worker or other professional level person in their psychiatry department.  Ask the same question you posted here.   Your question is a good one and merits serious follow through.

Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility?

My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility

substance-abuse

Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCCRecovery and Wellness Expertise

https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc

Hello, My heart goes out to you, your brother, and your family, dealing with a very painful and difficult situation. In New York, you can't institutionalize someone else directly. You can, however, call the police or EMS. If they agree that he would benefit from hospitalization (and it sounds like they would), he can be held in the hospital for up to 72 hours, whether he agrees or not. Some hospitals will not hold a person that long, in spite of what we might want. I have seen many patients in and out of hospitals countless times, and it has been my experience that it can be extremely difficult to hold a person long enough to achieve good stability and an appropriate after-care plan. Hospitals in NYC tend to take a "patch and release" approach more often than I would like. It's been my experience that family makes a difference. Assertive, knowledgeable, persistent family can improve the quality of your loved one's care. Hospitals are highly pressured to discharge people quickly but they can not discharge a homeless person without someplace to go. If your family is willing to accept your brother, that will be the path of least resistance for the hospital. If the family refuses, they will be forced to find another path for him. You can also pressure the hospital to refer to rehab after psychiatrically stablized (which may only take a few days) and that may give your brother more time to begin making clear-headed decisions. If your brother has a psychiatrist, that person should be actively involved. I had a patient patched-and-released three times, in spite of my advocacy and him literally begging to remain and stop his voices. We finally got a 90 day hospitalization because I strong-armed his psychiatrist into demanding that the hospital stabilize his patient.  If your brother has a history of non--compliance with oral medications, you can push the hospital for injection, which again will help your brother stay stable for longer. Best wishes to you and your family.

Can I sign my brother into a mental health facility?

My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-sign-my-brother-into-a-mental-health-facility

substance-abuse

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

Family members sometimes get Power of Attorney over vulnerable adults. If you had this, you could do something like that. I'm assuming that you don't, though. There are steps family members can take through the court system to get someone involuntarily committed, but it is a long process. I deal with situations like this everyday on the job. The only time an adult can be committed against their will is if they are deemed by the doctor (such as at an emergency room) to be a threat to self or others. For instance, if he had suicidal thoughts and a plan to carry out the action, or if he had homicidal thoughts against someone else and a plan to carry it out, he could be placed on a short hold, but these holds only last for a few days. This still isn't a long-term solution. An adult has the right to refuse treatment and the right to make their own choices, no matter how bad those choices are. If you have a way to get him to an ER whenever things like that happen, such as being found sleeping outside in 12 degree weather, it will help a lot. They may or may not do a short term commitment for treatment based on the situation that brings him to the ER, but it's a start. They can help set him up with appointments for psych and he can get on medications. You can help by taking him to appointments and making sure his medications get filled. However, you can't force him to take the meds, so this may be something that happens a lot. With enough of a paper trail of many ER visits and that sort of thing, you'll stand a better chance of getting a court appointed psych ward stay. Some tips about ER visits: Don't send him alone. Always go with him or have someone go with him, because you will be able to give the treatment team better insight into what's going on than he will. He may say everything's fine and he wants to leave, so they won't have any reason to keep him if that is the case. Go with him. If you do get Power of Attorney, take the paperwork with you when you go to the ER and to doctor's appointments because they aren't just going to take your word. They need to see the actual paperwork. Having it on file in their system isn't good enough because paperwork expires, etc. Take it with you at all times. You can also compile his medical records and that sort of thing to take with you so they can see a full history of what's going on.Keep in mind that if you do get Power of Attorney, this makes you his guardian and you have to take care of him. Otherwise, you can get reported for vulnerable adult abuse and neglect. In fact, your mom ignoring and not helping may already put her at risk of that because she is willingly doing nothing to help someone who clearly needs the help. She won't be financially responsible for the hospital or doctor bills, but should be held responsible for his safety. Someone should. There are group homes for people with schizophrenia. " Being responsible" for someone doesn't mean you have to pay their bills, it just means you are going to make sure they get the care they need. That care may be placement in a long-term care facility like a group home or a nursing home. Psych inpatient hospitals aren't long-term, so you do need to look into other long-term options. Psych inpatient stays are temporary and are to stabilize him, they're not where someone stays forever.Good luck, and keep up the good attitude! Work with his treatment team. Ask for a social worker. If they see family that is wanting to do the right thing and wanting to help, they'll help you even if it does take a while to get things sorted out. The worst thing any of you can do is NOT go to appointments and that sort of thing.

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Rebecca DuellmanMA, Applied Psychology, Specializing in Forensic Psychology issues.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-duellman

Hi. Good for you in planning ahead to do what's healthiest for your baby (and yourself). That's a great first step! It's also good that you are able to identify that it's not always a physical need that's driving the addiction.For the next steps, I would suggest trying to figure out when the psychological cravings for a cigarette occur. The psychological (or mental) cravings are usually based out of habit, such as having a cigarette after a meal. And if you're consciously trying to quit, you'll find the craving starts with simply thinking about having a cigarette, then usually moves on to thinking about how good it made you feel, etc., etc. Well, if I'm on a diet and I continue to let myself think about the ice cream sitting in the freezer, eventually I'll give in and eat it.You're going to have thoughts about smoking a cigarette. That's normal and, for the most part, out of your control. But you choose whether or not to CONTINUE thinking and dwelling about it after that initial thought. That's what you would have to work on changing. When you have that initial thought, acknowledge it ("Ok, I kind of want a cigarette now."), but then change the thoughts that typically follow. Distract yourself, think about something else, do something else, whatever it takes to get your mind off of that cigarette.I've suggested to clients before that they should plan these scenarios out ahead of time so they already know what they're going to do when the time comes. Write down when you usually have the craving for a cigarette and then write down new thoughts or things to do to get your mind off of it. Eventually, it will become easier and easier to brush off that initial thought until you no longer have it.Best of luck, and you have a really great motivator to quit - your baby!

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

When trying to quit an addiction it is imperative to decide what purpose the addiction serves. You said it is not a physical need but rather a mental need. What other ways could this need be alleviated?  A video I  often recommend to those who want to quit a habit is  🍰🍟🍔🍗🍩🚬ADDICTION🍻🍸📺🍆🛏️ 💊🛏️

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Charles LucasHealthFit Counseling: Solutions for Change

https://counselchat.com/therapists/charles-lucas

It's very admirable that you are trying to stop smoking for the sake of your health and your child's health.  The mental aspect of quitting a drug can and usually is the hardest part.  First, it can be helpful to change the focus of your thinking so you are focusing on the healthy behaviors you will start/improve rather than only focusing on the behavior that you are trying to stop.  The reason for this is that our brains hear the main topic of our thoughts.  That is, when you tell yourself "quit smoking, quit smoking, quit smoking", your brain hears "smoking, smoking, smoking".  So we need to put together a self-care plan that addresses your thinking, emotions, and behaviors (nutrition, physical activity, and other stress reducing activities).  The idea is to have an effective plan in place to both prevent yourself from feeling intense stress (which increases cravings) and to have a well-placed plan for when the intense cravings inevitably present themselves.  And lastly, and possibly the most important; You have to believe you deserve to be the healthiest version of yourself.  Think about the times when you are most vulnerable to smoke (stressful situations, after meals, when drinking, social situations, etc.).  The use of affirmations is also an important resource as what we say to ourselves effects our mood.  Repeatedly telling yourself "i am healthy, "i am getting healthier, "my lungs are becoming clear and healthy" or other affirmations like this.  Even if you don't believe them at first, continue saying them.  This step is important to improve cognitive flexibility which trains your brain to be open to change.  Think about activities that you like to do or that you would like to try and replace smoking with those activities.  Any activity that can make you laugh (time with friends, watching comedies, etc.) will evoke a calming response because when we feel happy, we typically don't feel stressed out simultaneously.

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Sara Makin, M.S.Ed.,NCC#1 Best Selling Author & Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sara-makin-m-s-ed-ncc

First off, I would like to congratulate you on making the decision to stop smoking.  The next thing I want to share is that there are so many different ways to kick the habit. Some people find solace in groups, while others prefer to see a counselor about this individually. Remember, that the crux of addiction is feeling one way and using a substance or thing to feel a different way.  My suggestion is to find an addiction counselor and create an individualized plan together to help you stop smoking . Your chances of stopping smoking are much higher when you have professional support and a plan to work on outside of your sessions.

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-klein

While smoking can be incredibly difficult to quit doing, it's not impossible, so the first thing to NOT lose is hope. And certainly planning to have a baby can be exactly the catalyst that one needs to motivate to complete this sort of task. But, as I said, it still won't be easy, even with the motivation there.There is a definite physical component, but it's great that you can acknowledge the psychological addiction that exists. It would be helpful to dive into what that psychological need actually is, as it can vary from person to person (whereas the physical addiction doesn't as much, and therefor can be helped through gums and patches and inhalers, etc.) Exploring and getting to the root of the psychological need can help you to determine what is going on for you psychologically, and how else you can meet those needs of yours, perhaps in much healthier and more adaptive ways, that also help you to feel really good about yourself. While replacement is not always advocated, having psychological needs is not something to be ashamed of, but rather nurtured.

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Samantha OsborneEncouraging and Compassionate

https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne

Breaking any habit is no easy feat.   Cutting down or cutting out cigarettes is very challenging, and there aren't any one size fits all solutions.  Fortunately, there are a lot of tricks and tools that you can use to stop smoking.  1. Many habits that we have are paired habits. If we do one thing, then we will do the other thing.  Think about the activities that you do when smoking and try to pair those activities with another activity other than smoking.  For instance, many people smoke while they drive.  Consider planning another activity to do while driving. (It might not be driving for you, but you get the idea! :)).  It might be taking a walk instead of smoking on your break at work.  2.  Create distance between you and the habit you are trying to break.  This approach could be used in a variety of different ways.  If you smoke first thing in the morning, consider leaving your cigarettes in a different room in your home.  Walking the extra couple of feet could help you decide not to smoke.   Leave your credit or debit cards at home and carry less emergency cash than a pack of cigarettes.  With this strategy, you are trying to create some distance between you the cigarettes so that you have to jump through extra hoops to get them.  3.  Consider cutting back before cutting out.  If you are smoking 10 cigarettes a day, try smoking 9. Then cut back to 8 and so on.  Having a plan to reduce harm may be more sustainable than cutting things out altogether. 4.  You could also talk to your doctor about the safety of nicotine patches. If you aren't already pregnant, this could be a great resource to help boost your success.  5. Focus on what you are gaining instead of what you are loosing. You may be losing cigarettes, but you are gaining money, health, taste buds, an increased sense of smell, lung capacity, a healthy baby etc.  You could plan small rewards/ treats with the money you save from decreasing cigarette purchases.  I recommend making these purchases small and frequent to keep up the momentum rather than waiting for a big payout a couple of months down the road.  Good luck! Cutting out cigarettes will be good for you and your baby.

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Richie (Yerachmiel) DonowitzExperienced - Compassionate- Measurable Results

https://counselchat.com/therapists/richie-yerachmiel-donowitz

Hopefully you feel you have the time to follow this procedure.1. For a week - log when you smoke - time, place and activity2. Plan on cutting back 10% for a week.Cut out the easiest times.3.Next change the times and and activities for 3 days - consider water or candy or gum if it is very tough. 4. Cut another 10% each week until you are done.

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

It is very good news that you realize the risks of smoking cigarettes while pregnant and are willing to stop.Thinking about smoking is a typical and frequent reaction to being without the substance.Be creative with what you know about yourself to distract you when this psychological urge comes up.  My suggestions are to imagine smoking if you find this would relieve the sense of wanting to smoke.Or, do the opposite and remind yourself of all the good reasons to not smoke.Also, since you're planning pregnancy then ask your partner for ideas on how to make the psychological feeling to want to smoke, feel less intense.Another suggestion is that your partner is your texting buddy to stop smoking.   With AA groups, a sponsor is always available for the alcoholic who feels distress about the urge to drink.   Having a trusted and caring person to tell about your problem helps in many situations.  Maybe it will help you to stop smoking.Good luck!

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Quitting smoking can be difficult. It's also true that there is part that is sometimes a physical need and a part that is often connected to emotions in some way. From the way that you wrote this, it sounds like you may have been able to stop smoking physically, but still have cravings.One thing you can do is talk with your primary care physician or OB/GYN about whether there is anything that you can take to help with the cravings. Sometimes that can very helpful.As far as the more emotional or mental piece, these things come to mind:Sometimes a crucial part is looking at the habit of smoking and seeing what else you can do to keep your mind and hands busy. There are sometimes toys, like those available at Office Playground, that may help to keep you physically occupied.There can also be changes or additions to your routine because I imagine that smoking took up a great deal of your time. Maybe when you have the temptation to get up and go to have a cigarette, you could have several other things that you can get up and do instead. The list is endless, but a few examples could be doing some physical exercise (with the permission of your doctor) just for a couple minutes because that could help with the craving as well, completing a puzzle, learning a new activity that requires using your hands (painting or knitting, perhaps).Another piece of quitting smoking is often linked to anxiety or other emotional changes, perhaps irritability. Depending on what it is that you may be feeling,  learning other strategies to use can be helpful as well.This can all be quite overwhelming and a very big life change. I would recommend that if things do not become easier for you, consider talking with a therapist. Then you could not only have some more strategies or ideas directly related to you, but you could have very direct support for what you are trying to do.I give you a lot of credit!

I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop?

I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental. I cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-addicted-to-smoking-how-can-i-stop

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

It can be challenging to quite anything once we set our mind to it.  We often crave the things more that we know we can not or should not have.  With that being said I would encourage you to become aware of the chemical dependency part that cigarettes have on your brain and your body.  Then make yourself aware of the mental part the habit part.  Often times people will engage in smoking again just from the mere social aspect of it.  Make yourself aware of these and devise a plan of the things you will do instead of going out on smoke breaks, or the ritual of smoking in the car on on the back porch.  There are plenty of support groups out there to help with this as well.  Smoking cessation is a good resource.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

Maybe this will help you understand.  First it depends on many chemical factors.  When you drink alcohol overindulge so to speak.  You are flooding the pre frontal cortex of your brain.  This controls communication and cognitive behavior.  There were studies on this and many times if you notice those intoxicated get loud respond to loudness.  Also certain types of alcohol can have sides effects.  Instead of brown liquor try white liquor.  Experiment safely to find if you maybe having side effects causing overindulgence which we don't want to lead to alcoholism.   Set an intention before experimenting that you will not feel angry or guilty... Seek talk therapy which will help decrease the cravings or desire to.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Karen Keys, LMHC, CASAC, NCCRecovery and Wellness Expertise

https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-keys-lmhc-casac-ncc

Hello, I commend you for your courage in taking a look at the role alcohol has in your life. It sounds like you're concerned about what happens when you drink too much and I suspect you already know the answer to your question about whether you have a problem or not. I imagine you would like to stop feeling guilty and would like to avoid cheating on your boyfriend or other negative consequences and maybe have a fear of being or becoming an "addict" or "alcoholic." You might have a "problem" but that does not necessarily mean that you are an addict. I don't have information to know if "addiction" or "dependence" or other words would best describe where you are with drinking, but it sounds like it's begun to have some negatives, so forgive me using words like addict, dependence and so on. I mean it more as a road map than a diagnosis. The feedback I'm writing here is very general and doesn't address physical dependence and many other factors that might apply to your situation.  One of the ways to think about substance (mis)use is to think of addiction as a disease of avoidance. Let me repeat that: it is a disease of avoidance. Your ultimate task in living a balanced life is to figure out what you're avoiding and develop other ways to manage those feelings, experiences, and so on. And of course, along the way, you may want to look at triggers, situations, biological vulnerability, social pressures, coping skills, relapse prevention planning and so on. Depending on where you are in your drinking, you might very well benefit from expertise and support. Remember also that alcohol depresses our central nervous system and disinhibits us. That means that alcohol is often a substance of choice to relax, destress, calm down, etc. Also, it allows feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we usually inhibit to be expressed. If you were unfaithful and often angry, that's your first signpost. For angry drinkers, it is often true that you don't drink and then get angry, you drink in order to express anger. I recommend you find someone you can speak frankly with, who is knowledgeable about addiction. Wishing you the best health and wellness.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg

The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health: http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/How-much-is-too-much/  There you will find information on how many drinks is too much, and the general answer for women is more than seven drinks in a week. There is also a quiz you can take anonymously that will help you determine if your drinking is a problem. The good news is that you can get help for substance abuse through counseling, self-help programs, or alcoholics anonymous.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

That is great that you recognize you over indulge. Also considering  what is the deeper reason of your drinking and over drinking, to escape, to feel you belong in a group, there are so many possible variables.  The guilt is your body/brains way of knowing this behavior does not resonate with your core being.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Lori McGruderAddiction and Trauma Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lori-mcgruder

Thank you for writing in with this important question.  There are some key words in your question that indicate you may have a problem; they are, "over indulge," "feel really guilty," and "angry drunk."  You also indicate that you have been unfaithful in your relationship while under the influence of alcohol.  In assessing whether or not someone has a "problem" with alcohol, some of the criteria I consider are whether or not they have attempted to cut back on their drinking and have been unable to do so and do they continue to drink despite knowing of likely consequences to their own emotional/physical health, relationships, occupational and/or social functioning.  I indicated you "may" have problem because it would be improper for me to make a formal diagnosis over this type of forum with so little information; however, with the information you provided, my answer is yes, you may have a problem based on my interpretation that you have tried to control your drinking and have been unsuccessful and have continued to drink despite experiencing yourself as an "angry" drunk, feeling guilty after a night of drinking and being unfaithful in your relationship.  I would recommend that you see a counselor for a proper assessment.  I applaud you for being concerned about this issue and seeking help.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-timothy-paul

Guilt is a narcissistic, self-indulgent focus on me, me, me; it's best not to keep it in negative light;What does that mean?  Well, it stems from mankind having an animal nature, and a spiritual nature;In most societies today, the animal nature is looked down upon, seen as egregious and something to be put away;If I may say to you, it is necessary and important (if you wish to end an experience called "guilt") to NOT regard your animal nature as negative, but to accept that you have it, and acknowledge it;The more openly a man or woman acknowledges they're animal-side, the quicker one may subdue it;Try giving your animal nature a name, and talk to it like a cute pet... "Oh, hey, there, Snorky!  Oh, what's that?  You want to be a wealthy, famous Hollywood idol?  Oh, really!  Agaiiiiiiin, Snorky!  Geez, you're impossible!  Ain't you just the cutest thing!"

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Mark RoseIntervention and Addiction Services

https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-rose

I offer that getting a professional assessment is in order to look at your relationship with alcohol.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not.  I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with.  Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time.

I over endulge when I drink alcohol and feel extremely guilty about it the next day

I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-over-endulge-when-i-drink-alcohol-and-feel-extremely-guilty-about-it-the-next-day

substance-abuse

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Usually when someone asks if they have a problem, they believe they do have a problem!The first step is to understand your own theory and definition as to what problem you feel you have.  Some possibilities are feeling unhappy in the relationship to your boyfriend, not having enough discussion between the two of you, not feeling cared about by your boyfriend, not liking your boyfriend.Did you grow up in a family in which the grownups drank to the point of excess at the times they felt stressed?Family modeling of how to handle problems may have left you no knowing how to handle stress except to drink to excess.Ask yourself what it is you feel guilty of doing?The guilt may point you in a good direction if it is your sense of self-esteem telling you to find better ways of managing your life.Do you drink alone or together with friends?Try defining your specific reasons for drinking because this is the first step to know how to handle the situation differently.

I found drugs in my moms drawer—what should I do?

She's my stepmom. I'm pretty sure she's illegally buying the drugs and hiding them from my dad.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-found-drugs-in-my-moms-drawer-what-should-i-do

substance-abuse

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Are the drugs themselves illegal or the method of her purchasing them?How do you know the facts of what you write here?Also are you sure your stepmom is buying or hiding them for her own use and not on behalf of your father?If you’d like to lovingly make your father aware of your findings then be clear on these answers since most likely he’ll want to know this information.If the drugs are illegal and in his house then he is just as liable for arrest as the stepmom.I’m sure from this perspective at least, he’d appreciate your telling him of your findings.

I found drugs in my moms drawer—what should I do?

She's my stepmom. I'm pretty sure she's illegally buying the drugs and hiding them from my dad.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-found-drugs-in-my-moms-drawer-what-should-i-do

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

I would suggest having a conversation with your dad and then having a conversation as a family with your stepmom.  Usually there are other signs of use that can often be missed.  Be aware of behavior changes and mood swings.  Be supportive and ready to listen often times individuals suffering from addiction will deny use until they are ready for help.

How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic

substance-abuse

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

If the person doesn't see themselves getting drunk and out of control, and instead continues to drink.   Often along with this the alcoholic person minimizes or dismisses your concern that they're drinking more than for social fun.Also if someone manages their life around drinking as their priority.   Someone who is physically addicted to alcohol will want to drink even when there is no social activity going on or they are not in a circumstance in which relaxing with a drink is possible.Often the drive is so strong the person will keep their drinking secret if they know others wouldn't ordinarily drink at that time of day.

How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic

substance-abuse

Danielle JoelCompassionate Mental Health Care

https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-joel-2

The clinical term for alcoholism is “Alcohol Use Disorder,” which is defined by the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (known as the “DSM-5”). There are 11 symptoms that are described in this diagnostic tool to help health care providers determine whether their patients suffer from an alcohol use disorder. 11 Signs of an Alcohol Use DisorderYou drink more alcohol or you drink over a longer period of time than you intend to.You have persistently wanted to and/or tried to cut down the amount of alcohol that you drink or stop drinking completely, but you have been unsuccessful.You spend a great deal of time seeking out alcohol, using alcohol, and recovering from the effects of alcohol.You find yourself having strong cravings, desires, or urges to use alcohol.Your use of alcohol leads to your inability to fulfill your obligations at work, home, or school.You continue to use alcohol even after your drinking has caused problems in your social life or interpersonal relationships.Your use of alcohol leads to a reduction in or disengagement with important social, occupational, or recreational activities.You find yourself recurrently using alcohol in situations that are physically hazardous to you.You continue to use alcohol despite your awareness that your drinking has caused or exacerbates a physical or psychological problem.You have developed tolerance to alcohol, which is defined as needing larger amounts of alcohol to obtain the desired intoxication level or feeling a reduced effect when you drink the same amount of alcohol.You develop withdrawal symptoms when you don’t drink alcohol, or you use alcohol (or a closely related substance) in order to prevent withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal symptoms include: sweating, fast pulse rate, hand tremor, insomnia, nausea or vomiting, hallucinations or illusions (visual, tactile, or auditory), psychomotor agitation, anxiety, generalized tonic-clonic seizures.A person who has 2 to 3 of the above symptoms is considered to have a “mild” alcohol use disorder.A person who has 4 to 5 of the above symptoms is considered to have a “moderate” alcohol use disorder.A person who has 6 or more of the above symptoms is considered to have a “severe” alcohol use disorder.

How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

Wikipedia states, Alcoholism In a medical context, alcoholism is said to exist when two or more of the following conditions is present: a person drinks large amounts over a long time period, has difficulty cutting down, acquiring and drinking alcohol takes up a great deal of time, alcohol is strongly desired, usage results in not fulfilling responsibilities, usage results in social problems, usage results in health problems, usage results in risky situations, withdrawal occurs when stopping, and alcohol tolerance has occurred with use.  Hope that helps.

How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic

substance-abuse

Sobha VakhariyaOakland County Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya

Our culture "normalizes" drinking but a psychotherapist can diagnose someone with an alcohol problem.  They can use various scales as well as the diagnostic manual ICD-10 to assist them in making the proper diagnosis.

How do you know if someone is an alcoholic?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic

substance-abuse

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Basically, being an alcoholic means that someone really depends upon alcohol and does not function well or becomes sick if they do not have it.There is also this acronym that may help:Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?There is an online assessment from the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test There is other information on this site as well.

What can I do to help my dad stop drinking?

Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-to-help-my-dad-stop-drinking

substance-abuse

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household. Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease. In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.First of all, you can’t make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse. Nobody can change another person. What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him. Research codependency. There’s a great book called Codependent No More. There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read. In short, you have to stop enabling him. Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself. This means do not buy his alcohol. Do not make it easy for him to get. Don’t loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him. Don’t call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way. Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his driver’s license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesn’t stop. What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with. It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking. A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they don’t then they are getting a divorce.If you are an adult and you don’t live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him. If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS. A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect. Substance abuse in the home qualifies. Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems. The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption. Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated? Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state? Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking? This could be a reason for the authorities to step in. You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics. They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members. They can help you.

What can I do to help my dad stop drinking?

Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-to-help-my-dad-stop-drinking

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

Your dad needs to be aware that he has a problem and be willing to make some changes in order for him to be motivated to stop.  Often times individuals will be forced to stop when they were not ready.  Remember we can not ever make someone do something they do not want to do.  There needs to be at least a little willingness on the other party to make some changes.  I would encourage you to reach out to your family or other loved ones and have a conversation with your dad regarding your concerns.

I don't know if my ex-boyfriend is using opiates again

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. One week, we were fine, and the next, he told me he needed space. He completely deleted me out of his life. He does have an opiate addiction. He claimed he was sober, but since we've split, I've heard many lies from him. Could he be using again, and does this addiction affect the mind?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-if-my-ex-boyfriend-is-using-opiates-again

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

Studies have proven that addiction affects the brain, there are many coping skills that addicts use to enable their addiction as well.  I would recommend that you speak with someone abut your relationship and your concerns.  Not only so you can have more clarity in the situation but we often tend to gravitate around or toward the same types of individuals.  Being more aware of your relationship will help you in the future when re-engaging in personal relationships.

Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away?

My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-if-i-take-my-friend-s-pills-away

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

Your friend needs to admit they have a problem.  If not no matter how many pills you take they will find a way to get more.  It is also a federal offense to take someone else's medication so if you did take it she could have you arrested.  In other instances it can be more dangerous to take medication away than slowly tapering off of them.  Like anything we put into our system our tolerance builds up and can effect us in different ways.  I would listen to her and discuss why she feels that she needs to be on the medications rather than playing bad cop in this situation.  Encourage her to get help and let her know you re there for her.

Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away?

My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-if-i-take-my-friend-s-pills-away

substance-abuse

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Your good intentions to help your friend stay clean, are very caring about her.Unless your friend feels like stopping pills,  taking them away will mean she finds them some place else.The problem that anyone who is addicted to pills has, is that the person is psychologically and at least with xanax, physically addicted.Taking pills has basically become a standard part of your friend's life.Her problem is bigger than your ability to care.If you haven't already done so, tell your friend directly about your opinion on the way she is using pills.This is not a guarantee that she'll stop.It isa way of you showing that you care about her.Offering love and advice are the only things you can do for her.Meanwhile, knowing she is hurting herself is probably hurting you.Be sure to keep a sense of balance within yourself.  Offer your concern and know she is the one who must decide to stop using.

Is it okay if I take my friend's pills away?

My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-if-i-take-my-friend-s-pills-away

substance-abuse

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

Hello! Thank you for your question. I have a worked with many people who have become addicted to benzodiazepines, like Clonazepam. It is a difficult road for people who are trying to become clean. It is also a very difficult road for those who love the person and are trying to be supportive. During those times, it is important to remember to take care of yourself, too. As for taking your friend's pills, my concern would be the legal ramifications that you could face should you ever be caught with someone else's prescription medication, and especially these types of medications. Our laws have become much more strict surrounding prescription drug sales and possession due to the increase in prescription drug abuse. In addition, people who are in active addiction are likely to find some other means to get their drug, so it would do little to help the overall problem. I don't know about your friend's family situation, but they may be a better route to take if you are concerned about your friend. They may already be involved, but with your help you may be able to convince your friend to go to treatment willingly. That is usually better. In many states, there are also involuntary committal processes where a person's family may be able to convince a court to force the person into treatment. This varies from state to state. If your friend's family is not aware of this option, it may be something to look into. It usually does take a relative, or a medical provider, to begin this process if it is available. I hope this was helpful, and I wish you and your friend well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

My brother is an addict. He has does nothing but ruin my family. I don't know how to cope with it anymore

My brother has been a heroin addict for years, and he’s now in his mid-30s. He has taken from me my mom and my grandparents. He's sick in the head. Now he moved his girlfriend into the house because they both manipulated us. Today, my mom and my brother went toe-to-toe over his girlfriend not helping around the house and always being high. I ended up hitting my brother for getting so close to my mom's face. I feel terrible, but he's always picking his girlfriend over us. Mind you, he tells other girls that he hates his girlfriend, he's single, and she's only living here because he feels bad. We tried kicking them out and everything, but nothing is working. They do nothing to try and help.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-brother-is-an-addict-he-has-does-nothing-but-ruin-my-family-i-don-t-know-how-to-cope-with-it-anymore

substance-abuse

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

I think the best thing for you is to speak with someone on how you can best cope with the situation.  It can be challenging living in a household with someone who is currently addicted.  It is also important that you realize that you can only work on yourself.  Other individuals need to take the same accountability.  Enabling often happens in households with addiction. It can be a challenging environment to live in.