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fd_The_Walking_Dead_03x03

fd_The_Walking_Dead_03x03_0

In the sky above a field A helicopter is flying above an empty field. In the helicopter It's a military helicopter. There are three soldiers in it. One of them is trying to make contact probably with the rest of the servicemen. Soldier 1: Whiskey 1-2. Whiskey 1-2, do you copy? Going 180, close the distance, get back in contact! There's a problem with the helicopter, it starts to move really fast, there's turbulence. Pilot: Have faith, guys. I've gotten us through a lot more than some light turbulence. Smoke starts to come out of the helicopter. Pilot: Wellsey! Soldier 1: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Pilot: Crash positions! I'm putting her down by the road! Soldier 1: Come on... The plane is about to crash. Soldier 1: We're going in! The plane crashes into some trees in the middle of a forest. On a road nearby Andrea, Michonne and the two walkers are walking on a road near the place where the plane crashed. They see the smoke coming out of the forest after the explosion. They go in that direction. OPENING CREDITS In the forest Andrea and Michonne arrive to the place where the helicopter crashed. Andrea is still sick, and she's exhausted. She vomits and coughs. Michonne: Don't push yourself. You'd better sit. Michonne helps Andrea to sit down, and she attaches the walkers to a tree. She gives Andrea a gun. Michonne: I'll check it out. Michonne goes to see the helicopter. One of the soldiers is dead, cut in half. The pilot is also dead. She sees two cars arriving near the helicopter, and she runs to Andrea. Michonne: Someone's coming! Andrea: Any survivors? Michonne: Two dead, not sure about the other. The two cars stop next to the helicopter. Andrea and Michonne are hiding. Men come out of the cars. Governor: Fan out. (to one of his men about to shoot a walker) Save those rounds for when you need them. One of the men shoot an arrow in a walker. Andrea coughs. The governor and his men still look around. Martinez (one of the Governor's men) kills two walkers with a baseball bat. The governor looks inside the helicopter. Governor: Got a breather! Tim! Help me out here. They get the survivor off the helicopter. Michonne sees a walker behind her, she's about to kill it, but it walks right past them, and the Governor's men see them. One of the governor's men: Over here, Shumpert! Shumpert shoots an arrow into the walker's head. The governor and Tim carry the body away from the helicopter. Governor: Drag him out. Andrea: He's saving them. We should show ourselves. Michonne: Not yet. The governor looks at the cut in half soldier that Michonne saw. He turned. Michonne and Andrea think that you only turn when you get bit. They see the soldier, and think he's dead. The governor stabs him in the head. He goes in the helicopter and stabs the pilot who turned too. Michonne and Andrea don't understand, because they think he stabbed two dead men. Michonne's walkers start to do a lot of noise, the governor and his men notice them. Michonne runs to them and cuts their heads off. She hides with Andrea. The governor and his men look at their direction, but don't see them. Governor: Let's roll out. Michonne and Andrea are relieved. Michonne hears a noise behind her, she pulls her katana out. Merle: Uh-uh-uh! Easy does it, girl. Mine's a whole lot bigger than yours. (Andrea recognizes Merle's voice) Now, put down your weapons. That's it, nice and easy. And let me see your hands. (they show their hands) Now spin around. That's it, nice little twirl around. (Andrea turns around, Merle recognizes her) Oh, holy sh1t. Blondie! You're looking... good! (Andrea sees that Merle fashioned a knife onto the stump where his hand used to be, he kills a walker with it). Now, how's about a big hug for your old pal Merle? (Andrea passes out). In the governor's car Andrea wakes up in the Governor's car, she is still dizzy and doesn't open her eyes fully. Governor: Have Stevens prep the infirmary. Milton (man on the microphone) : How many? Governor: Three. One with multiple fractures and severe burns. Another in and out of consciousness, probably shock and dehydration. Milton: And the third? Governor: She's fine. Milton: Female? Governor: Two. Found them hiding in the woods. Bringing a homework assignment for you, so open the lab. Milton: Do tell. Governor: At the gates in five minutes, get off the radio. Milton: Well, what is it? Governor: Now, Milton! Andrea looks at the window, she can't see much but cars, and a man with a gun guarding a wall. Andrea: Michonne? Michonne: Right here. Andrea looks the other way and sees Merle. Merle: Shhh... He puts her blindfold back on, she doesn't see anything anymore. In an infirmary A nurse is examining Andrea. Andrea: Why are we being held here? We want to leave! Nurse: You're not well enough! And it's dark. You should stay the night. Andrea: Where are we? Nurse: That's not for me to say. He'll talk to you. Michonne: Who? Merle enters the room. Merle: Go check on your patient, doc. Bet you was wondering if I was real! Probably hoping I wasn't. Well, here I am. I guess this old world gets a little small towards the end, huh? Ain't so many of us left to share the air right? You know, when they found me, I was near bled out, starving, thinking to myself a bullet might make a good last meal. Take myself a nice long nap after, wait for Daryl on the other side. You seen my brother? Andrea: Not for a long time. Merle: Makes two of us. Andrea: He went back for you, him and Rick. You were already gone. Merle: Yeah well, not all of me! He shows Andrea his cut off hand, and laughs. Andrea: Oh, god... Merle: Yeah... Rick. He's that prick that cuffed me to the roof top. Andrea: Yeah... he... tried. Daryl saw that. Merle: He's always been the sweet one, my baby brother. Andrea: He wanted to keep looking, then things happened, people died. A lot of them. Jim, Dale, Jacqui, Sophia... Amy. Merle: Your sister? Andrea: Yes. Merle: She was a good kid. I'm sorry to hear it. Andrea: There were more, a lot more. We had to leave Atlanta, we wound up on a farm. Daryl stepped up, became a valued member of the group. Merle: Now he's dead. Andrea: I don't know that for sure. We got run off by a herd. Merle: How long ago? Andrea: Seven, eight months. I was separated from the rest of them, got left behind. I know what it feels like. Merle: (showing his "hand") I doubt that. Andrea: What do you want from us? Merle: There she sits, four walls around her, roof over her head, medicine in her veins, and she wants to know what I want from her. I plucked you and your mute here out of the dirt, blondie. How 'bout a thank you? Michonne: You had a gun on us! Merle: (he laughs) Oh, she speaks! Well, who ain't had a gun on 'em in the past year, huh? Show hands, y'all! Anybody? Shumpert? Crowley? Y'all had a gun on y'all? Hell, I think I'd piss my pants if some stranger came walking up with his mits in his pockets. That'd be the son of a bitch you'd really want to be scared of... Andrea: Thank you. Merle nods, Michonne looks at Andrea in dismay. The governor enters, whispers something into Merle's ear. Merle: Sure thing. The governor: (to Andrea and Michonne) How you feeling? Michonne: We want our weapons! The governor: Sure. On your way out of the front gates. Andrea: Show us the way. You've kept us locked up in this room. The governor: You see any bars on the windows? You're being cared for. Andrea: Under guard. The governor: To protect our people, we don't know you. Andrea: We know enough about you to want out of this place. We watched you drive a knife into the skulls of two dead men, what the hell was that all about? The governor: They turned. Michonne: They weren't bitten. The governor and Merle share a look. The governor: It doesn't matter. However we die, we all turn. I put them out of their misery. It's not easy news to swallow at first but there it is. Now, you're not prisoners here, you're guests. But if you wanna leave, as I said, you're free to do so. But we don't open the gates past dusk. Draws too much attention. (to Andrea) And you especially, you need a solid night of sleep. You wouldn't last another day out there in your condition. Have you brought over to my place in the morning, hand over your weapons, extras ammos, food for the road, some meds, keys to a vehicle if you want one. Send you on your way, no hard feelings. Andrea looks at Michonne, everyone follows the Governor who opens the door. There's a city. The Governor: Welcome to Woodbury. Andrea looks at the place, she can't believe what she's seing. The governor: Come with me. They arrive at the gates, guarded by men. Merle: (to one of the guards) Go relieve Pete at the back gate. I'll take the spotlight. Andrea: Are you military? The governor: Hardly. A couple of feds but, by and large, we're self trained. Andrea: That's heavy artillery they're packing. The governor: Some men arrive with guns, but most of the weapons are scavenged over time. Andrea: And the other side of the town, the rest of the streets, they're all guarded like this? It can't be. The governor: It can. And it is. Merle: Got us a creeper, Governor. (he shows a gun) May I? Thank you. (he takes it and aims at the walker) Andrea: Governor? They call you that? The governor: Some nicknames stick whether you want them to or not. Andrea: Buzz is a nickname, Governor's a title. There's a difference. Shumpert turns on the spotlight so Merle can see where the walker is. He shoots it. Merle: Got him. He brought his buddies! (He shoots two walkers the same way) Clear. The governor: We'll get them in the morning. Can't leave 'em to rot, creates an odor, makes people uneasy. Andrea: What people? There's nobody here, it's a ghost town. The governor: This way. Andrea and Michonne follow him to a house. [SCENE_BREAK] In a room of the house The Governor opens the door. There are beds, a shower, toilets, and other pieces of furniture. The governor: You'll be more comfortable here. It's not the four seasons, but there's a hot shower. Water's limited, so keep it short. We got food, water, fresh clothes, hope this works. (they take a look at the room, Andrea sits down on the bed) I know you'd feel better with your sword, more secure but you're safe here. Andrea: We appreciate it. What about the pilot? Will he make it? The governor: Well, doctor Stevens is doing all she can. Now I know you got a lot more questions, but I've got work to do. My man will be outside the door if you need anything else. I'll see you tomorrow. The governor leaves. Michonne and Andrea look at the man outside, Michonne looks angry. In Woodbury, the day after Andrea and Michonne are walking in the town, they're talking to a woman, one of the citizens. There are a lot of people. Andrea: It's real. The woman: You two have been out there for a long time. While you were, the governor was doing this. Andrea: How many people do you have here? The woman: 73. Eileen's about to pop, so her kid will make it 74. Still a work in progress, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Andrea: That's a bold comparison. The woman: I think we've earned it. Walls haven't been breached in well over a month, we haven't suffered a casualty in the inside since early winter. Andrea: How's that possible? The woman: Our governor's set a strict curfew. Nobody out after dark. Noise and light kept to the bare minimum, armed guards on the fence and controlling the perimeter to keep the biters away. Andrea: I saw what your patrols do on the way in last night. They had a dead one strung up like an ornament. The woman: I won't make excuses, those men, put their lives at risk every day to protect this town. We've lost more than a few friends out there. Everybody copes in their own way. But I'll raise it with the governor. The woman leaves, Michonne looks suspicious. In the infirmary The governor and the doctor are talking to the injured pilot. Pilot: Things were orderly, the fences held, people were protected, food supplies were lasting. Then one of the men inside got bit, not sure how. He went haywire, panic swept through the camp. Someone opened the gate to escape, others were bitten and infected. These people went crazy. The whole place went to hell in a few hours. My team grabbed whatever supplies and vehicles we could abandoned our post. He coughs, the doctor gives him water, then leaves. The governor: How many of you escaped? Pilot: Maybe it was ten in my group. We got maybe fifty miles from the post, before getting jammed up on the highway. I took the bird up in the air to scout ahead. She took a beating in the riot, but we had no choice. My guys? The governor says no with his head. The governor: Let me go find the rest. Bring them here, where they'll be safe. They're out there waiting for you, exposed. Tell me where they are, and I promise, if they're still alive, I'll bring 'em here. In the laboratory The governor gets out of the building to go in the laboratory, where Milton and Merle are as well. The governor: Did you finish your homework? Milton: Unfortunately, the dog's eating it already. Merle: What the hell you call me? The governor: Hey, where are we? Back in the schoolyard? You want to take his lunch money while you're at it? Merle: Sorry, governor. The governor: Maybe I've wasted my time with you. Maybe you haven't learned anything at all. Milton: He was trying to smoke in here. The governor: And you expect better. Keep poking the bear, and you're bound to get mauled, remember that. (to Merle) Tell me about the girl. Merle: Name's Andrea. Milton: What, you know her? The governor: She's from that group in Atlanta? Merle: Yeah. Same one left me on the roof, forced me to mutilate myself. The governor: Does she know your brother, Daryl? Merle: Yeah, she did. The governor: Then talk to her again, see what else you can find out. Merle nods and leaves. The governor: Show me something! (Milton shows the Governor the walker whose head Michonne cut off before, the one she was carrying with them) What do you make of it? Milton: Oh, pretty impressive, really. Major kudos for ingenuity. You take away their arms so they can't grab, you take away their jaws so they can't bite. Take away their ability to eat, they lose interest in doing so. They're no longer in attack mode, you can be in their presence without threat. They become... docile, in a sense. The governor: Lurkers. Milton: Mmh, docile. Or lurkers, you know? Whatever you like... The governor: Why keep 'em? Milton: Ah, repellent. The governor: Camouflage. (he puts his finger in the walker's mouth) Walk with the biters, they think you're a biter. Low profile, that's smart. (Milton nods) They're still pretty thin. If they're not eating, why don't they starve? Milton: They are... starving, they just do it slower than we do. The governor: Feels like we're trying to impose logic on a chaos. Milton: That is not a bad thing! The governor: No? Well what does it buy us? More questions, more theories, no answers. Milton: Not yet! If I could talk to those women... The governor: Merle's handling it. Milton: I don't want to question your judgment, governor... The governor: Sure you do. That's why I need ya. That and your tea. Milton: Ah... Well then, (he gives the governor a cup of tea) with all due respect, letting Merle talk to those women unsupervised is a mistake. Now, you've always said, every tool kit needs a hammer, but do you really feel a hammer's the right tool for that job? In the governor's apartment The governor, Milton, Michonne and Andrea are sitting at a table. The governor has prepared some food and serves it to everyone. The governor: Eight months? Hard to believe you ladies lasted so long out there. Andrea: Because we're women? The governor: Because you're alone. Andrea: We had each other. The governor: Two against the word. It's long odds. Andrea: We manage. The governor: Oh, we're impressed. Milton: Very. The governor: Survival in the wild is tough sledding. Wake up every morning on the ground, wondering if today's the day. Will it be quick and final or slow and... well without end? Will someone have the good sense to kill my brain, or will I come back as one of them? Milton: Do you think they remember anything, the person they once were? Andrea: I don't think about it. The governor: Milton believes there might be a trace of the people they were, still trapped inside. Milton: Like an echo. Surely, it must have crossed your mind. Andrea: One time, yeah. Right before it tried to bite me. Milton: And then you killed it? I say "it" only because no one here lies to refer to them as "him"... (he looks at Andrea) or "her"... The two you had in chains, who were they? (to Michonne) The way you controlled them, used them to your benefit. You did know them, didn't you? The governor: Let them eat. Milton: My apologies. Andrea: So what you have here, you expect it to hold? What if a herd comes through? The governor: It'll hold. Andrea: What's your secret? The governor: Really big walls. Andrea: (she laughs) That soldier had walls too and we all know how that turned out so... The governor: I guess we do. The real secret is what goes on within these walls. It's about getting back to who we were, who we really are. They're just waiting to be saved. And people here have homes, medical care, kids go to school, adults have jobs to do. There's a sense of purpose, we're a community. Milton: With a lot of guns and ammunition. The governor: Never hurts! Andrea: And really big walls... The governor: And men willing to risk everything to defend them. Compromise our safety, destroy our community, I'll die before I let that happen. There's another awkward silence. Andrea: Looks like you're sitting pretty at the end of the world. The governor: Do I strike you as the kind of man who sits pretty? You reap what you sow. We're the seed, now that winter has passed, it's time to harvest. Andrea: Time to hope? The governor: We're going out there, we're taking back what's ours! Civilization. We will rise again. Only this time we won't be eating each other. Andrea looks at him, at Michonne, then raises her cup of tea. Andrea: To civilization, then! Someone knocks at the door, it's Shumpert. The governor goes to open the door. The governor: Excuse me. Milton: (to Andrea) How's the tea? Andrea: (nods) Yeah... Shumpert whispers some words into the Governor's ears, who then closes the door. The governor: Sorry to cut breakfast short but this can't wait. Michonne: (standing up) We want our weapons! The governor: Well, we can make these meals to go and your weapons will be waiting outside but you should take time to relax. Get your strength back. Have a look around. Who knows? You might like what you see. In Woodbury Michonne and Andrea are walking in the town. Michonne: I don't trust him. Andrea: Why not? Have you ever trusted anybody? Michonne: Yeah! Andrea: Then, give this a day or two, that's all I'm asking! Some time to get our sh1t together. Michonne: My sh1t never stopped being together. Andrea: Didn't look that way when Milton asked about your walkers. I'm surprised he didn't get a fork in his eye! Michonne: It was not of his damn business! Andrea: Guess it's not of mine either. (they stop walking to face each other) Seven months together, all we've been through, I still feel like I hardly know you. I'm sorry, it's the truth, I mean, come on, you know everything about me! And I... Michonne: You know enough! Andrea: Those walkers were with us all winter long, protecting us, and you took them out without any hesitation, that had to... Michonne: It was easier than you think. Michonne leaves. In the soldiers' camp The pilot told the Governor where his camp was. Now, the governor and his men are going there. There are a lot of soldiers. One of them sees the governor's car approach. Soldier: Vehicle approaching, corporal. Corporal: Alright, stay alert. The car enters the camp, the soldiers aim at it with their guns. The governor shakes a white fabric through the window. The governor: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't shoot! Corporal: Identify yourself! The governor: (getting out of the car) Hey, hey, hey, hey! We found your guy, Wells! Lieutenant Wells? His chopper went down! Corporal: Well, where is he? The governor: We got a little settlement. Now, he's badly hurt, but he's alive! And the other guys didn't make it, I'm sorry. But Wells, he told me I would find you here! He wants me to bring you to him! Soldier: (to another soldier behind him) They found Wells, they got him, they found him! The governor: We sure did! (he pulls his gun out and shoots the corporal who was looking behind him and smiling) We found you too! The governor's men start shooting every single soldier, while the Governor watches. They were hiding in the grass next to the camp. The governor takes the gun of a dying soldier on the floor, and then finishes him off by beating his head with the gun. As the Governor's men check that they're all dead, one of them seems shocked by the governor's violence. The governor: Never waste a bullet, son. Pick up the rest of these weapons. One of his men: Yes, sir. They see one of the soldier was hit on the leg, and is trying to escape. The governor shoots him down. He gives a knife to the man who was shocked. The governor: Go put a merciful end to that young man's days. (he goes, and to the others) Let's see what uncle Sam brought us, shall we? The cars return to Woodbury. All the citizens gather around the Governor, including Andrea. The governor whispers something to Merle and Milton. Michonne stays back. The governor stands on one of the cars. The governor: (to the citizens) We brought in three new people yesterday. One was a helicopter pilot with a National Guard outfit. Even though he's clinging to life, he told us about his convoy on the highway, his men. I promised I'd bring them back here alive. But they didn't have our walls or our fences. Biters got there before we did. Now, the men had trucks, the trucks had weapons, food, medicines, things we need. Now, we didn't know them, but we'll honor their sacrifice by not taking what we have here for granted. Won't be long before dark, so go on home. Be thankful for what you have. Watch out for each other. (he gets down and goes talk to Andrea) You're still here. Andrea: Anything I can do? The governor: No, no, nothing tonight. Andrea: Long day? The governor: Haven't had many short ones, lately. Good night. He starts to walk away. Andrea: So what's your real name? If it's not asking too much. The governor: I never tell. Andrea: Never say never. The governor: Never. In the governor's apartment The governor closes the blinds, has a drink. We see a naked woman in his bed. He looks at a photo, then opens a door with a key, and enters. He sits down on a big chair in the middle of the room. He looks at the wall in front of him. We see a lot of big jars with heads of walkers in them. We can recognize the two walkers Michonne killed, as well as the pilot Wells. The governor looks at them.

Andrea and Michonne witness a group of men investigate a helicopter crash, but are captured by Merle and taken to the fortified town of Woodbury, where they meet The Governor , of whom Michonne is distrustful. One of the survivors of the crash tells The Governor of where their group is based out of, and The Governor leads his men to kill the other group and secure their weapons and vehicles for themselves.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_19x20

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_19x20_0

EARTHSHOCK BY ERIC SAWARD Part Two Running time: 24:23 [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern the androids do nothing. The Doctor, Kyle and Scott watch. The androids shoot energy bolts. The troopers fire at them. They exchange blaster fire and energy bolts a few more times. LT SCOTT: Our weapons have no effect on them. DOCTOR: Yes, they will, but you must concentrate your fire! LT SCOTT: All right. Hold your fire. When I give the word, go for the one on the right. An android shots an energy bolt. LT SCOTT: Now! They shoot at the android, The Doctor watches. They shoot some more. There's a close up of Kyle. The troopers concentrate on the androids hand, which finally explodes. LT SCOTT: Got him! DOCTOR: No, it's only damaged! We see the hatch from the androids POV again. Back on the Cybership CYBERLEADER: The androids are too valuable to waste. We may still need them. CYBERLIEUTENANT: They are programmed for self- preservation. The will not take any more unnecessary risks. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern the androids go off and hide. PROF KYLE: Will they attack again? DOCTOR: Undoubtedly. The androids stand and look at each other. LT SCOTT: They've covered the exit. TEGAN: Well, won't someone on the surface realize that something's wrong? LT SCOTT: Sooner or later. TEGAN: Let's hope it's sooner. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside the TARDIS Adric walks around to the other side of the console and opens the doors. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern the Doctor turns around and sits on the floor. LT SCOTT: What are they doing? DOCTOR: Waiting. PROF KYLE: What can they possibly want? TEGAN: Isn't it obvious? Us dead. PROF KYLE: But why? DOCTOR: Were you working near the rock fall the first time you were attacked? PROF KYLE: Yes. DOCTOR: Well, maybe their function is to protect that hatch. PROF KYLE: What can be in there that's worth so many lives? DOCTOR: Well, let's find out. The Doctor turns back around. LT SCOTT: I haven't had much experience in fighting androids. DOCTOR: They're just like people. NYSSA: Only they function much more logically. DOCTOR: Which can be their weakness. [SCENE_BREAK] In a tunnel Adric moves forward. ADRIC: Doctor! The androids move towards him. ADRIC: Doctor! The androids are right around the corner. NYSSA: Oh. No. TEGAN: Adric. DOCTOR: Adric. Adric finally realizes they're there and runs off to hide. TROOPER: Lieutenant. Scott moves forward. Adric looks on. Scott moves back. LT SCOTT: The power packs for the rifles are almost finished. TEGAN: So are we. DOCTOR: Brave heart, Tegan, Now, the androids are programmed to protect that hatch. In order to carry out that duty successfully it's important they remain operational. LT SCOTT: Go on. DOCTOR: Well, the androids now know we have the ability to inflict serious damage on them. So, if we attack that hatch we'll create a dilemma. NYSSA: We attack what they're programmed to defend. PROF KYLE: Why should they care if we attack the hatch? NYSSA: They won't care, they'll react. They have no choice. DOCTOR: The conflict between duty and survival should cause enough confusion in their logic circuits for them to start making mistakes, which is exactly what we want. LT SCOTT: I hope you're right. DOCTOR: Well, let's find out. LT SCOTT: Right. Stand by. The androids wobble a bit. LT SCOTT: Fire! The troopers blast the hatch simultaneously. The androids wobble and bleep in apparent confusion. CYBERLIEUTENANT: The earthlings are attempting to break through the hatch. CYBERLEADER: Are their weapons capable? CYBERLIEUTENANT: Yes, Leader. CYBERLEADER: They must be stopped immediately. Adric crawls through a tunnel on his hands and knees. The Doctor, Kyle and Nyssa look on. Adric picks up a rock and smashes the android's hand (sort of). The troopers fire. The android's head explodes. DOCTOR: Well done! LT SCOTT: Who's that boy? DOCTOR: It's Adric. CYBERLEADER: Is the second android fitted with visual monitoring? CYBERLIEUTENANT: Yes, Leader. CYBERLEADER: Then activate. The Cyberlieutenant activates. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern the remaining androids fires an energy bolt. The troopers fire at it. Scott moves forward. The android's hand explodes Tegan ducks behind a rock. Scott stands over the android and shoots it in the head. Its head explodes. CYBERLEADER: We must act quickly. Prepare to activate the device. CYBERLIEUTENANT: It's too soon, Leader. CYBERLEADER: We must be prepared. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern there was much rejoicing. (Which mostly consisted of a lot of mumbling.) NYSSA: It's fairly primitive. DOCTOR: You think so? Nyssa takes a piece of metal from the androids head. NYSSA: Look at this. DOCTOR: Lieutenant? LT SCOTT: Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: I think you should curtail the celebrations for the time being. LT SCOTT: Oh, something wrong? DOCTOR: We must get this hatch open. LT SCOTT: What's the hurry? NYSSA: One of the androids was a massive ultrasonic transmitter. ADRIC: So, that was the signal I picked up in the TARDIS. Scott walks over to the Doctor. LT SCOTT: What does that mean? DOCTOR: Whoever built this hatch now knows we destroyed its guardians. [SCENE_BREAK] On the Cybership. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Carrier signal now being transmitted. Being locked on. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern the Doctor tries to open the hatch, and reacts as he burns his hand. DOCTOR: Your troopers got quite carried away, didn't they? I would suggest you get your people well back. The hatch may be booby trapped. LT SCOTT: What about you? DOCTOR: Well, my arms are only this long. I can't get any further away. NYSSA: Can you see what it is? DOCTOR: No, you better get back too. LT SCOTT: Right, everybody back! [SCENE_BREAK] On the Cybership. CYBERLEADER: Activate the computer. CYBERLIEUTENANT: It's too early, Leader. It will be wasted. CYBERLEADER: The device is already lost. Let the earth see the effectiveness of Cybertechnology . Explode the bomb! Back in the cavern the Doctor is still trying to open the hatch as Adric walks up. DOCTOR: Got it! Release mechanism. You better get back too. ADRIC: You've checked for booby traps. DOCTOR: I'm not in the mood to argue. LT SCOTT: Come on, lad. Scott ushers Adric away. DOCTOR: Further than that. The Doctor opens the hatch and the inside lights up as the camera zooms in. [SCENE_BREAK] On the Cybership. CYBERLIEUTENANT: The Earthlings have broken in. CYBERLEADER: They are too late. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern. TEGAN: Are you all right? DOCTOR: Yes. TEGAN: I thought a booby trap had gone off. The Doctor moves towards the hatch and looks inside. He puts his hand to his forehead. NYSSA: What is it? DOCTOR: A bomb. My opening the hatch has started off the arming procedure. You better let your people on the surface know what's happened. LT SCOTT: How much time have we got? DOCTOR: I have no idea. Tegan, get everyone into the TARDIS. LT SCOTT: Scott. Scott to Walters. Come in please. ADRIC: Come on, you can't stay behind. DOCTOR: It was my own stupidity that started it off. The least I can do is to ... The Doctor looks back at the hatch. DOCTOR: Of course! Come on! They run off. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the Cybership CYBERLEADER: How much longer before activation? CYBERLIEUTENANT: One minute. The Doctor et al enter the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Set the coordinates at zero! The Doctor unlatches a panel from under the console. ADRIC: It would be nice to know what you're doing. DOCTOR: The arming procedure on the bomb is being operated by remote control. ADRIC: Can you jam it? DOCTOR: Yes, but not until I know where it's coming from. Adric stretches a cable from the panel to the other side of the TARDIS where Nyssa attaches it to the console. Meanwhile Scott looks around perplexed. The bomb counts down. The Cyberleader twists a knob. CYBERLEADER: Master detonator engaged. [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS the Doctor reaches up and flips some switches. DOCTOR: Well, that isn't right ... or is it? TEGAN: How long does an arming procedure take? DOCTOR: Not long. TEGAN: Well, shouldn't we move the TARDIS in case the bomb goes off? Cybership. CYBERLEADER: 30 seconds. The bomb counts down some more. There's a reading on the Cyberconsole. The bomb counts down some more. Cyberleader. Bomb. Cyberconsole. Bomb. An alarm goes off on the Cybership. CYBERLEADER: What's happening? CYBERLEADER: Our signal is being jammed. CYBERLEADER: More powerrrrrrrr!! The Doctor and Adric run through a tunnel. DOCTOR: Come on Adric, hurry! ADRIC: But you've already jammed the signal. DOCTOR: If they increase power they could break through. They look at the bomb. On the Cybership. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Supplementary power on. CYBERLEADER: Hurry! CYBERLIEUTENANT: Power building. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern. DOCTOR: Magnetic clamp. ADRIC: Magnetic clamp. How much damage could this bomb do? DOCTOR: Enough. ADRIC: Enough for what? DOCTOR: Enough to make life intolerable for the few who survive. [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS Nyssa flicks some switches. An alarm goes off. She and Tegan go to see what it is. NYSSA: Oh, no. TEGAN: What's the matter? NYSSA: Whoever they are, they're fighting back. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cavern. DOCTOR: Probe. ADRIC: Probe. He hands the Doctor the probe. ADRIC: Do you know, I find this whole situation so bizarre? I mean there's just no purpose to it. DOCTOR: Well, there is somewhere. We just don't have enough of the pieces yet. ADRIC: Look, Professor Kyle said she'd been down here four weeks before the androids attacked. DOCTOR: Laser cutter. ADRIC: Laser cutter. Adric fumbles a bit. DOCTOR: You think they should have attacked earlier? ADRIC: It would have made more sense if they had. DOCTOR: Oh, I don't think so. The androids are programmed to protect this hatch. Now, the cave system is enormous, why draw attention to yourself and your charge by attacking on the first day? ADRIC: Yes, I suppose that has certain logic. DOCTOR: Magnetic drone. ADRIC: Magnetic drone. The Doctor attaches the magnetic drone to the bomb. He slowly opens a door on the bomb and touches a circuit inside, and gets a shock. DOCTOR: There was power in that circuit! He sets the tray on the floor. DOCTOR: Bread and water. ADRIC: What's happening? DOCTOR: The signal's breaking through. [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS Nyssa acts like she just did something. NYSSA: That's it. Maximum output. TEGAN: There must be more. The TARDIS has unlimited power. NYSSA: But that transmitter doesn't. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the cavern the bomb flashes. DOCTOR: I think drastic action is called for. ADRIC: But there can't be much time left. What do we do? DOCTOR: Abandon methodical procedure for blind instinct. Laser cutter. ADRIC: Laser cutter. [SCENE_BREAK] On the Cybership. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Full power. CYBERLEADER: We proceed towards the destruction of Earth. The Doctor contemplates for a moment. DOCTOR: Hmmm, right or wrong. Here we go. He starts to cut, but changes his mind and changes position. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Our signal has broken through. CYBERLEADER: Excellent. An alarm goes off. CYBERLEADER: A fault? CYBERLIEUTENANT: No, Leader. The bomb has been deactivated. CYBERLEADER: That cannot be. Cybertechnology is too advanced for Earthlings! [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the TARDIS. NYSSA: It stopped. TEGAN: What? Nyssa walks to the other side of the console and flips some switches. NYSSA: It's stopped. They've stopped transmitting. The Doctor's done it. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the Cybership. CYBERLIEUTENANT: But how did they succeed, Leader? CYBERLEADER: They have been helped. We have been betrayed. Whoever has done this must be found and destroyed at once. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the cavern. DOCTOR: Tell me, Adric. Why a bomb? ADRIC: Doctor? DOCTOR: Why a bomb, and not a missile or some other device, and why these particular caves? There's a reason. ADRIC: It's not our problem, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, isn't it? [SCENE_BREAK] On the Cybership. CYBERLEADER: I should have realized sooner that the Earthlings had help. CYBERLIEUTENANT: There's nothing on this replay that indicates who it might be. The camera pans around as the Cyberleader watches intently. CYBERLEADER: What is that? I know that object. The TARDIS stands in a tunnel. Inside the console room. DOCTOR: Right, the bomb is deactivated. Your own scientists can dismantle it. Good luck. LT SCOTT: But you must stay, Doctor. PROF KYLE: You've done so much. We want to show you our gratitude. DOCTOR: Well, thank you, thank you, but we must go. Still a great deal to do. TEGAN: Haven't we done enough for one day? ADRIC: We could afford to spare them a few hours, Doctor. DOCTOR: No. there isn't time. TEGAN: Where are we rushing off to? DOCTOR: Sector 16. NYSSA: Well, that's deep space. TEGAN: Sounds great fun. ADRIC: The Doctor wants us to look at the people who built the androids. LT SCOTT: Do you know where they are? DOCTOR: No, just from where their signal originated. LT SCOTT: Then you must let us come with you. NYSSA: We can't fight androids by our self. DOCTOR: Well, I'm hoping that won't be necessary. LT SCOTT: If my planet is being threatened I'd like to do something to help. PROF KYLE: Indeed. DOCTOR: All right. The TARDIS dematerializes. A line drawing of the TARDIS appears in the Cybervisualizer . CYBERLIEUTENANT: What is it? CYBERLEADER: A TARDIS. CYBERLIEUTENANT: A Time Lord? But they're forbidden to interfere. FIRST DOCTOR: Emotions. Love, pride, hate, fear. Have you no emotions, then. CYBERLEADER: It was in this regenerated form that he confined the Cybermen to their ice tomb on Telos. SECOND DOCTOR: I imagine you have orders to destroy me. CYBERLEADER: And as this, he defeated us in our attempt to destroy Voga, the planet of gold. FOURTH DOCTOR: You've no home planet, no influence, nothing. You're just a pathetic bunch of tin soldiers skulking about the galaxy in an ancient spaceship. CYBERLIEUTENANT: I did not see any of these men in the cave. CYBERLEADER: It appears he has regenerated again. (SPECIAL EDITION ADDITION) Now the scanner shows Rory, with the Cyberfleet exploding behind him. RORY: Would you like me to repeat the question? CYBERLEADER: Whatever his form, he must be found ... and destroyed! [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS an endless parade of people comes out of the console room. LT SCOTT: Bigger than you think. DOCTOR: Uh, Adric. ADRIC: Yes, Doctor? DOCTOR: Do you have a moment? ADRIC: I'm hungry. DOCTOR: Well, you can join the others later. Nyssa walks past him. ADRIC: Well? DOCTOR: Look, I'm very grateful for your help with deactivating the bomb. Adric giggles like a school girl. ADRIC: That's all right. DOCTOR: It was very brave of you. Also, the way you tackled the android. ADRIC: All part of the daily routine. DOCTOR: Hmmmm. Look, I've been thinking about your wish to return home. ADRIC: And? DOCTOR: Well, I thought if we could work out a satisfactory course, I might give it a try. ADRIC: Well, I've already done so, Doctor. DOCTOR: Really? ADRIC: As you can see here, I've even managed to calculate the way into the CVE, the gateway through E-Space. DOCTOR: You've done extremely well. ADRIC: Thank you. DOCTOR: Look, uh, I'm sorry about our argument earlier. ADRIC: So am I. I overreacted. DOCTOR: Do you really want to go home? ADRIC: No, of course not. There's nothing there for me anymore. DOCTOR: So you've done all these calculations for nothing. ADRIC: Well, it made a point, didn't it? Besides, who knows? I might change my mind again. The Doctor hits him with the tablet and walks out. Back on the Cybership. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Our deep space probes have identified the TARDIS. CYBERLEADER: It's destination? CYBERLIEUTENANT: The freighter. CYBERLEADER: Excellent. Our contingency plans can go ahead. CYBERLEADER: The attack on Earth will proceed accordingly. Two models space ship hang in apace. RINGWAY: The captain's been on the space station a long time. BERGER: Everything will be all right. RINGWAY: Well, I wish I had your confidence. Three men have disappeared in the last two weeks. It would take just one word from a disgruntled member of the crew and this ship will be stuck here for months pending an enquiry. BERGER: They won't say anything. They know if we don't deliver on time it will cost them their bonus. RINGWAY: Well, I wouldn't be so certain. Morale is very low. BERGER: And with every negative thought you have, Ringway, it sinks even lower. You're supposed to be an officer. Smile when you talk to the crew. Reassure them. RINGWAY: Security scan in Section 15 is still non- functional. BERGER: Oh, for heaven's sake. There's a beep BERGER: Bridge. CREWMEMBER (v.o): The captain is about to come on board. BERGER: Thank you. Now, isn't that good news? The TARDIS materializes in a hold somewhere in the freighter. [SCENE_BREAK] In the console room. PROF KYLE: This is where the beam came from? DOCTOR: As near as I've been able to trace it. NYSSA: The freighter could be nothing more than a relay point. DOCTOR: And the crew entirely innocent of what's going on. So, we'll start with a recce. ADRIC: May I come? DOCTOR: You sure? ADRIC: Yes. They leave the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the Cybership the TARDIS appears in the Cybervisualizer . CYBERLEADER: Excellent. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the freighter the Doctor and Adric slowly exit the TARDIS. ADRIC: Which way? DOCTOR: Oh, I don't think it really matters. The Doctor puts his hat on and the y walk away. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the bridge. Two crewmembers enter carrying Briggs' suitcases. She follows behind. BRIGGS: Take that straight to my cabin. CREWMEMBER: Captain. RINGWAY: Welcome aboard. ma'am. BRIGGS: Don't call me ma'am on the bridge. RINGWAY: Sorry, Captain. BRIGGS: Get that transponder code fed into the navigational computer at once. I want to get underway. RINGWAY: Yes, Captain. BRIGGS: Seven hours they kept me waiting. Seven hours. I'm exhausted. BERGER: Were there problems with security? BRIGGS: Earth's on red alert. Some interstellar conference. That's why they're checking that bit more carefully. BERGER: That explains why we were scanned half a dozen times. BRIGGS: Well, there'll be no more problems from now on. I've got a clearance straight through to Earth. Our bonus is safe. RINGWAY: There was no mention of the missing crewmembers? BERGER: Mr. Ringway was concerned that might be the reason for you being delayed. BRIGGS: Oh, panicking again, was he? No, no mention, Mr Ringway. RINGWAY: I just happen to think, uh, that the disappearance of three crewmembers rather important, that's all. BRIGGS: So do I, mister, but it's something that can be settled when we get back to Earth, and our cargo's delivered safely, understood? There are some beeps. BRIGGS: Make ready to get underway. If it makes you any happier, double the patrols. I don't want any mention of this. You're beginning to bore me! [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the TARDIS. LT SCOTT: I should have gone with them. NYSSA: The Doctor will be all right. An alarm goes off. TEGAN: What's that? They walk over to the console. And look at it momentarily. NYSSA: The freighter's gone into warp drive. [SCENE_BREAK] In the freighter two crewmembers look at the hold from a gantry. VANCE: I don't fancy walking around that lot. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the bridge. BRIGGS: Who's on first watch? BERGER: I am, captain. BRIGGS: I wish you luck. I'm going to my cabin. Ringway knocks on the faulty scanner panel RINGWAY: I thought I'd check the security patrols. BRIGGS: You do that, mister. I'm sure they'd appreciate it. Briggs leaves. RINGWAY: Why is she always running me down? BERGER: I'll give you a bit of advice. You shouldn't sound so earnest all the time. They share a special moment. The two crewmembers walk down a stairway. VANCE: You could hide an army down here and no one would find it. They walk slowly through a section of the hold, and eventually stop at a hallway, and one of them looks down it. CREWMEMBER: What's that? Some shadows flicker in a hallway by Silo 16. VANCE: What? CREWMEMBER: It's gone. I'm sure I saw something move. VANCE: Where? CREWMEMBER: By Silo 16. VANCE: Are you sure? CREWMEMBER: Let's look. They move in the direction of Silo 16. [SCENE_BREAK] In another part of the hold Adric carefully looks round a corner. The Doctor confidently strides past him. ADRIC: Look, aren't we being a bit casual about this? DOCTOR: Well, there's no one about. The ship's totally automated. DOCTOR: A small one somewhere. ADRIC: But not down here. What's the point of going on? DOCTOR: I want to announce my presence, and see what the reaction is. ADRIC: And how will they know we're here? We see a security camera with a red light. The Doctor nods knowingly and they walk on. [SCENE_BREAK] In the Cybership an alarm goes off and the Cyberleader flips a switch. CYBERLEADER: Report. RINGWAY: The freighter has security clearance for its journey to Earth. There is one problem. The disappearance of the three crewmembers has caused a lot of unrest. CYBERLEADER: Get your minions to search the hold. You will find a scapegoat there. RINGWAY: Leader? CYBERLEADER: You have intruders! The Doctor and Adric walk town a stairway. ADRIC: I don't like being so far from the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Someone should have seen us by now. ADRIC: Look, why don't we go back? DOCTOR: Minute or two more. They walk on. [SCENE_BREAK] In another part of the hold Ringway looks around methodically. He eventually pulls out his radio. RINGWAY: Ringway to Vance. Report please. The camera zooms in on the hold. VANCE: This is Vance, sir. RINGWAY: Report position. VANCE: Low walkway. Just passing Silo 529. We've spotted someone, sir. RINGWAY (v.o.): Then apprehend him. I'll be down directly. The Doctor and Adric wander around some more they stop at a junction and the Doctor looks around. Adric looks back. DOCTOR: What's the matter? ADRIC: I got the feeling we were spotted rather a long time ago. DOCTOR: We're being followed? They walk on. Ringway walks down a flight of stairs at an excruciatingly slow pace brandishing his gun. [SCENE_BREAK] In another part of the hold Vance rounds a corner and bumps into the other crewmember. VANCE: We've lost him. The other crewmember walks a ways and looks through a gap where he sees someone run past. CREWMEMBER: No we haven't. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge Berger studies the monitor earnestly. She sees the Doctor and Adric walking down a hallway. BERGER: I'm sorry to disturb you, Captain, but we have intruders in the hold. BRIGGS (v.o.): I'll come up right away. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the hold the two crewmembers enter an open area. VANCE: Well, where did he go? They run off stage right. CREWMEMBER: There! Long shot of hold. The Doctor and Adric sit on a stairway. CREWMEMBER: We've got to help them somehow. Long shot of hold. The Doctor and Adric sit on a stairway. ADRIC: Why won't they show themselves? The two crewmembers scream agonizingly. ADRIC: What's happening? Adric starts to get up. (D'oh!) DOCTOR: Over there! They run off. [SCENE_BREAK] Back to the bridge. BRIGGS: Have you got them yet? BERGER: No, Captain. BRIGGS: Why not? BERGER: They're out of camera range. BRIGGS: I don't want to lose them. Sound the general alarm. I want them caught. Berger sounds the general alarm. [SCENE_BREAK] In the hold the alarm blares over badly foleyed running footsteps. Ringway runs pat the camera. The Doctor and Adric run in a different part of the hold. The Doctor gets ahead of Adric. ADRIC: Doctor! Doctor, over here! The two crewmembers lie dead in an adjacent hallway. The Doctor walks up to them. DOCTOR: They're finished. ADRIC: Look, let's go before we're caught and blamed. DOCTOR: I've seen wounds inflicted this way before. Ringway creeps up behind them. ADRIC: Doctor, we have got to get out of here. DOCTOR: Yes. They turn to leave and run into Ringway. RINGWAY: On this ship we execute murderers.

The Doctor discovers a bomb planted by the Cybermen, disarms it and then materializes the Tardis onto a freighter orbiting the Earth where mysterious murders are also being committed.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x16

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x16_0

Scene: The apartment Howard: I'm thinking about growing a goatee. Raj: Oh, actually that's a Van Dyke. A goatee is just hair on the chin. Leonard: Oh. Wait, then what is it if you just have hair up here? Raj: You mean a moo-stache? Leonard: Moo-stache. Howard: He said it. Raj: Ha-ha, very funny. Make fun of the foreign guy. For your information, there are four times as many Indians as there are Americans, so the way we say it is right. Howard: Say what? Raj: Moo-stache. Leonard: Moo-stache. Howard: He said it. Bernadette: Guys, you're being childish. Sheldon: Yeah, she's right. You're grown men, the kind who are perfectly capable of growing your own moo-staches. Amy: Hey, you were funny on purpose, good job. Penny: Hi. Sorry I'm late, I was at an audition. Leonard: Oh, I'm sorry. Sheldon: You'll get 'em next time. Penny: How about instead of assuming I failed, you ask me how it went? Leonard: Sorry. How did it go? Penny: Just shut up. Raj: Here, you can have your seat. Penny: No, no, no, stay there. I'm fine on the floor. Bernadette: Have you guys ever thought about getting a dining room table? Amy: Yeah. You actually do have room for one up there. Raj: Oh, sure, I sit on the floor for years, no one cares. The pretty white girl's there ten seconds, and suddenly we're all running to IKEA. Sheldon: No one is running anywhere. We're not getting a dining room table. Leonard: I know you don't like change, but it's not a terrible idea. Penny: Yeah, you guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table? Sheldon: Do you want the long answer or the short answer? Howard: Hey, how come we never get that option? Sheldon: Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system, if the equations describing its behaviour are non-linear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result. Penny: Translation? Leonard: Waah. I don't want a table. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Hey, Penny and I are gonna go shop for a dining room table. You want to come with us? Sheldon: You know, I'd love to, but, um, I'm too busy falling back in love with Windows 98. Leonard: Seriously? You haven't used this desk in years. The second I want to get rid of it, you're up here working? Sheldon: I can't talk right now, I have several thousand updates to install. Leonard: Are you really gonna sit here all day? Sheldon: Think of me as Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, lying in front of the bulldozers to protect his home. Leonard: If you'll recall, the Vogon fleet blew up the Earth anyway. Sheldon: It's a made-up story, Leonard, I don't even know why you're talking about it. Leonard: I'm putting all this stuff in storage. We don't need any of it. Sheldon: You, how can you say that? You show me one thing in here we can live without. Leonard: Oh, hang on. Check your in-box. Sheldon: Wait. Is this really worth it? We've lived together for years with nary an argument. Leonard: Huh? Sheldon: But we start talking about a table, and suddenly we're at each other's throats. Leonard: Nary an argument? Nary? Sheldon: Well, that means not one, or not any. Maybe instead of a table, you should buy a dictionary. Well, I don't know if I won that, but at least he's upset. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Howard: Check it out. Raj: Magic wand TV remote? Howard: Yeah, I can control all sorts of stuff. Raj: Did Bernadette think it was cool? Howard: Not when I said mute and pointed it at her face. Raj: Oh, uh, let me try. Uh, channelis changeroni. This might be my second favorite brown magic wand. Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that. (Phone rings) I have to take this. Hello? 00:04:24,137 Raj: Uh, off. And on. And the Oprah Network. This is so much better than watching TV like a muggle. Howard: Okay. Thank you. We'll be in touch. You're not gonna believe this. Raj: What's going on? Oh. Wait. On. And off. What's going on? Howard: That was NASA. They want me to go back up to the space station. Raj: Wow. What did you tell them? Howard: I told them I'd be honoured. Raj: A second trip to space, I'll miss you. Howard: And I'm gonna miss you, too. Raj: And I just want you to know, I'm happy to look in on Bernadette while you're gone. Howard: Thank you. Raj: And if anything were to happen to you, we will name our first born son Howard. I'm just kidding. We'll name him Dalib, after my grandfather. Scene: A furniture store. Penny: Ooh, this one looks nice. Leonard: No. Sheldon doesn't like reclaimed wood. Penny: Why not? Leonard: He's afraid the original owners will come back. Penny: Yeah. Well, Sheldon's not here. Leonard: Well, he is here. So unless you want to dig him out with a bone saw and a melon baller, there's nothing I can do about it. Penny: All right, sweetie, you're paying for this table, and it's your apartment, too. Leonard: I know, but... Penny: No buts. You got to stop letting him boss you around. Leonard: You're right. I mean, he decides what TV shows we watch, what food we eat, who my favourite hobbit is. I wanted Frodo, but we can't both have Frodo, so guess who's stuck with Samwise Gamgee. Penny: See? Right there. You're a grown man, you should be able to pick whichever hobbit you want. Wish you wouldn't, but one problem at a time. Leonard: You make a lot of sense. I like this table, and I'm getting it. Penny: Really? This one? Leonard: That one? Damn right I like that one. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Bernadette: Hey. Howard: Good news. Someone in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket. Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first? Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no take-backs. Bernadette: What are you talking about? Howard: Sit down. NASA called. The telescope mount I installed on the space station got damaged, and they want me to go back up and fix it. Bernadette: Wow. Well, what did you say? Howard: What do you think I said? I said yes. Why do you look surprised? Bernadette: Well, it's just, after last time, I didn't think you'd ever want to go back. Howard: Are you kidding? It was the greatest experience of my life. Bernadette: Really? 'Cause I kind of remember a lot of complaining and wishing for it to be over. Howard: I think you have me confused with what's gonna happen when you get out of that shower. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Hey, all set. What do you think? There's plenty of room for everybody, a view out the window. Sheldon: My spot on the couch has a great view of a window. Sometimes I can see space battles through it. It's called a TV. Penny: Give it a chance, Sheldon, you might actually like it. Sheldon: You're absolutely right. Nope. Penny: Well, you can't say he didn't give it a fair shot. Sheldon: So, when can we get rid of it? Leonard: We're not. Sheldon: What about the roommate agreement? It specifically states that any changes in furnishing have to be approved by the Furnishing Committee. Which only sits on alternate years. Yeah, and by the way, it sits over there. Penny: Come on, that is ridiculous. Leonard: She's right, a committee that important should meet more often. Penny: That's not what I'm saying. Leonard: Oh. This is the thing about me standing up to him and not letting him run my life? Penny: Yes. Leonard: That. Sheldon: Okay. I think we've found the problem here. It's not the table at all. It's you. Penny: Me? Leonard: Well, it's always me, take one for the team. Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will, and then you came along and reshaped him, with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals. Penny: Are you gonna let him talk to me like this? Leonard: Fancy sounds like a compliment. Penny: Okay, I have not tried to change Leonard. That's just what happens in relationships. Look how much Amy's changed you. Sheldon: That's not true. Penny: Oh, please. When I first met you, you were incapable of touching another human being. Now you're holding hands, you're going on dates, you even made out with her on a train. Sheldon: She told you? Penny: Of course she told me, it's the most interesting thing that's ever happened to her in her entire life. Leonard: You're too close to it, but Amy has had a huge impact on you. Sheldon: You're right. Without realizing it, I've allowed that woman to alter my personality. Leonard: Mm, Sheldon, you didn't have a personality, you just had some shows you liked. Sheldon: No. No, I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death. Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by a princess and turned into a prince. Leonard: Or you're just a tall, annoying frog. Sheldon: Excuse me. I have to break up with my girlfriend. Penny: Oh, Sheldon, wait. Sheldon: No. You've opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person. And that stops now. Leonard: Well, we should call her. Penny: Yeah, mm-hmm. Amy, it's Penny. Hey. Just a little heads-up. Leonard bought a dining room table. Yeah. Sheldon's breaking up with you. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy? (Knock, knock, knock) Amy? (Knock, knock, knock) Amy? I'll get right to the point. I think we need to end this relationship, so just sign this with your finger, and, uh, please don't cry on my iPad, I didn't get AppleCare. Amy: I'm not surprised you want to end the relationship. I'm a little surprised you didn't get AppleCare. Anyway, enjoy your life. Where do I sign? Sheldon: At the bottom. I must say, I'm relieved you're not making more of a scene out of this. Amy: Oh, I've already moved on. Besides, this breakup has nothing to do with me. Sheldon: It doesn't? Amy: Of course not. This is just Leonard trying to take the focus off that dreadful table by sowing discord in our relationship. He's manipulating you like he always does. Sheldon: Wait, wait, now, hang on. You think he manipulates me? Amy: All the time. And he knew that, as your girlfriend, I wasn't gonna stand by and let him bring a table into your apartment. I mean, a table? Come on? Sheldon: It is hideous. Amy: Well, thankfully, I won't have to see it, 'cause I won't be your girlfriend anymore. Amy Farrah Fowler. Why, yes, I would like to take a survey. Sheldon: Wait. You were really gonna stand by me against the dining room table? Amy: Of course I was. Sheldon: Wait. How do I know that you're not manipulating me right now? Amy: I think if I were manipulating you, you'd be smart enough to see it. Sheldon: How do I know you're not saying that as part of the manipulation? Amy: I think you'd be smart enough to see that, too. Sheldon: Okay. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time, I just had to be sure. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Raj: It's pretty exciting that NASA wants to send Howard back up. Bermadette: Yeah, exciting. Can I ask you something? Raj: Course. Bernadette: He hated that entire experience. Does it make me an awful wife if I don't think he should do it again? Raj: Not at all. He's forgotten how miserable he was the entire time he was up there. It's like me in those moments when I miss India. Bernadette: So you'll talk to him? Raj: Why me? Bernadette: Well, I'm his wife, I don't want to ruin it for him. Raj: That's the dynamic, I'm the fun one, you're the buzzkill. Bernadette: Since when am I the buzzkill? Raj: Do you think this is cool? Bernadette: No, I think it's stupid. Raj: Aha. Bernadette: You're right, it's great. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Hello. Leonard: Oh, hey. You guys didn't break up. Sheldon: No. Sorry to disappoint you, but Amy pointed out that you were only trying to manipulate me. Amy: Which you also figured out by yourself. Sheldon: Which I also figured out by myself. Penny: Well, I'm glad you're still together. Sheldon: Yeah, okay, you can stop trying to make this about our relationship. Amy: Which is stronger than ever. Sheldon: Which is stronger than ever. This is about you trying to change my environment, which was perfect the way it was. Howard: But it got the way it was through change. The-the-the spot that you love to sit in, that no one else can sit in, only exists because, despite your objections. I bought this couch. Me. So explain why that change was bad and this change was good. Sheldon: Um. Amy: You don't need to explain yourself to him. Sheldon: I don't need to explain myself to you! Amy: You're sick of his nonsense and ready to move in with me. Sheldon: Keep the table. We don't use that space. Amy: Damn it, I got cocky. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Howard: Hey, Bernie. I'm home. Hello. Bernadette: Hi, honey. Howard: What's going on? Bernadette: Maybe you should have a seat. Howard: Um, okay. I know my mom's not dead, there'd be balloons. Raj: Um, okay. First off, know that we all love you and cherish you. Mike Rostenkowski: Well, I wouldn't... Bernadette: Daddy. Mike R: You're great. Mike Massimino (on skype): Can I say something? Raj: Oh, of course. Mike M: Hey, Fruit Loops. Howard: Massimino? Why are you here? Mike M: Well, I heard you were thinking about going back up to the space station, and as someone who's been there with you, well, you know how astronauts need to have the right stuff? Howard: Sure. Mike M: The stuff you have is wrong. Howard: You don't think I did a good job up there? Mike M: You did a fine job. It's just, you were scared and miserable the whole time. Bernadette: I think what we're all trying to say is, you don't seem to be remembering how traumatic the experience was for you. Raj: Like how women often forget the pain of childbirth. Mike R: Like a woman. Great analogy. Howard: Fine, maybe I was a little scared. Mike M: You peed in your space suit. Howard: You're supposed to do that. Mike M: Not during the fitting. Mike R: Son, do I need to remind you what you asked me to do before you went up last time? Howard: Hang on. That was just me joking around. Mike R: You wanted me to shoot you in the foot. Howard: Come on, how is that not a joke? You got to get me out of this. Shoot me in the foot. Bernadette: Don't forget all the other astronauts picking on you. Raj: And how you threw up in zero gravity, and it floated back in your mouth. And you threw up again. And so on and so on. Mike M: That was funny. Howard: Okay, so I wasn't exactly John Glenn up there, but I've changed. I'm a different man now. Yeah, and I'm a little insulted that you guys don't think I can handle it. Mike M: You know you're gonna have to go through survival training again. Howard: Really? Scene: A doctor's surgery. Howard: You've got to get me out of this. Doctor: What do you want me to do? You're perfectly healthy. Howard: Check my blood pressure again. I can get it higher. just give me a second. (Dials phone) Mrs Wolowitz (on phone): Hello? Howard: Hi, Ma. How are you? Mrs Wolowitz: How I am is not dead, but you wouldn't know that, because you don't love me enough to pick up the phone. Howard: Go, go, go. Mrs Wolowitz: For all you know, I could have slipped in the tub and drowned. That's what happened to your Aunt Ida. Doctor: Wow. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Howard, I'm so sorry your blood pressure was off the charts. Howard: Oh, me, too. I mean, the doctor was willing to fudge the results, but it just seemed so darned dishonest. Leonard: But the mission wouldn't be for at least a year. Isn't that enough time to get your blood pressure under... Howard: Look, my blood pressure's too high, okay? Drop it. Penny: You know, my aunt changed her diet, and in a few months, she... Howard: Went to space? I don't think so. Now, pass the soy sauce. Hey, not the green one, the red one. Penny: Sheldon, Amy, will you please come join us? Bernadette: Yeah, it's fun up here. Leonard: So why are you trying to ruin it? Sheldon: No, thanks. We're fine. I mean, if you people want to eat at the table, then that's what you should do. I like eating down here because this is how we've always done things. But if those days are gone, they're gone. It just makes me sad. Bernadette: Now I feel bad. Leonard: Oh, don't anthropomorphize him, he's got big eyes, but his feelings are not like ours. Bernadette: No, it just seems silly for us to sit in two groups. Leonard: Well, it's not silly if you think of that group as being led by a big, evil baby. Bernadette: Look at Amy down there. Should we go? Penny: Yeah, let's go. Leonard: But Penny, this was your idea. You said that I should stand up to him. Penny: Forget it, Leonard. It's over. Leonard: Fine. Amy: Rajesh? Raj: Screw that! I sat on the floor for seven years. I'm staying right here. Bernadette: Come on, Raj, it's not the same without you. Raj: Fine. But no more making fun of how I say tings. Howard: You mean tings like moo-stache? Sheldon: Well, isn't this nice. Sometimes the baby wins.

Leonard and Penny decide to get a dining table for the apartment so that they no longer have to eat around the coffee table. Sheldon objects to the change, blaming Penny for changing Leonard, though she points out that Amy has changed Sheldon. Unhappy with this and that Amy told her about the kiss, he decides to break up with Amy. Penny alerts Amy, and agrees to break up, but blocks Sheldon's plan by convincing him that Leonard is manipulating him. Amy feeds Sheldon arguments against Leonard, but goes too far when she suggests they move in together. Finally, Amy and Sheldon eat together on the sofa, with the others at the table, until everyone pities Sheldon and all end up back at the coffee table. NASA asks Howard to revisit the International Space Station. He has forgotten his horrible first time, and eagerly wants to return. Bernadette holds an intervention where Howard is reminded he would have to go through survival training again. Howard finds a way out by phoning his mother during his blood pressure test, thus failing his physical.

fd_Frasier_01x14

fd_Frasier_01x14_0

Act One. Scene A: KACL Radio Station. Bulldog is in the middle of his show. Frasier is watching from the corridor. Bulldog: [on-air] ...4 for 17 on Sunday, he calls himself a quarterback? I've passed kidney stones with more accuracy! Frasier: [to Roz, who's just passing by] Roz, Roz. Listen, could you go in there and get my briefcase for me? I was just on my way out but I left it in the studio. Roz: Why don't you go get it? Frasier: Well, because every time I go in there, he puts me on the air and humiliates me. Roz: Well, what do you think he does to me? Last week when I went in to get my car keys he introduced me as Martina Navratilova's girlfriend. [leaves] Bulldog: [ringing a cowbell] Well Chuck, I'm really sorry I offended you. Now why don't you put your skirt back on and do some dishes? Frasier opens the door and crawls into the studio. His briefcase is sitting on the console near the door. As he reaches out for it, Bulldog, who has seen him, picks up the briefcase and moves it to the other side. Frasier, keeping his head down, reaches a hand over the console and gropes blindly for it. Bulldog: The lines are open. And how about some real men calling instead of crybabies like Chuck? He raps Frasier over the knuckles with his drumstick, making him jump to his feet. Bulldog: Well... look who's just crawled into the doghouse, it's Dr. Frasier Crane! And you know what we always do when we get a house call from the doctor. [puts tape in machine] Tape: [Italian] Dropp-a your pants and bend over, I take-a your temperature. Frasier: Hello, Bulldog. Bulldog: [holding up briefcase] So, doc? Who's your pick for the Giants- Saints game this weekend? Frasier: [wearily] The Giants. Bulldog: You're kidding! Frasier: The Saints? Bulldog: You're kidding! Frasier: Somebody has to win. Bulldog: Yeah. They would if the Giants and Saints were playing this weekend! He plays a tape of a donkey braying, then throws the briefcase to Frasier. Frasier: Yes, that was very funny indeed. I wished you'd played it on my show. It deserves to be heard by a much larger audience. Hee haw! Hee haw! [leaves] [SCENE_BREAK] A CHUMP OFF THE OLD BLOCK Scene B: The Frasier Residence. Daphne opens the door to Niles. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: Hello, Daphne. [indicating package] I brought this for dinner. Martin: Hey, Niles. Niles: Dad. Martin: Kinda early. Niles: Well, I just put Maris on the train to Chicago. And you know how desolate I am without my Maris. Daphne: [opening package] Champagne? Niles: Goes with all occasions. Can I be of any assistance in the kitchen? Daphne: No, I have everything well in hand. Niles: Ah, well... lucky everything. He goes over to the table, where Martin is working out a chess problem. Niles: [as Martin reaches for a piece] Uh-uh. [Martin reaches for another piece] Mmm-mmm. Martin: All right, what would you do? Niles: Well for starters, I'd take that corn-nut off the board. Martin: That corn-nut's my bishop. Eddie ate the real one. Niles: In that case, corn-nut to Rook 7. Frasier arrives. Frasier: Hello all. Daphne: Evening, Dr. Crane. Guess what your brother brought, champagne. Frasier: Oh, Maris left for Chicago already? Niles: She's riding the rails as we speak. Daphne: If I may ask, why does she take the train? Niles: She's been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident. Daphne: Oh, dear. Did a plane almost crash? Niles: No, no. She was bumped from first class. She still wakes up screaming. Martin: Hey Frasier, I'm glad you're here, I've got a favour to ask you. Frasier: What is it, dad? Martin: Well, you know my old buddy from the force Joe Linski's running the benefit for the Widows and Orphans fund this year, and he's doing one of those bachelor auctions and he's out looking for local celebrities and I thought if we could get somebody really famous from the radio station... Frasier: Dad, say no more. I'd be delighted to help. Martin: Great. So you'll ask Bulldog tomorrow? Frasier: ...Bulldog. Martin: Oh. Well, you know, don't get me wrong, I was going to ask you too. Frasier: Mm-hmm? Martin: Yeah I was, I was. I was just saving the best for last. Frasier: A-ha. Niles: Oh Frasier, give him a break. If he backpedals any faster, he'll trip over his walker. Frasier: All right, I'll do it. Martin: Oh, great! I really appreciate it... you won't forget to ask Bulldog, will ya? Frasier: I'll leave a note on his hydrant. Daphne: A bachelor auction. I've always thought it would be fun to pick a man off the block to do my bidding and fulfill my every desire. [then] Dr. Crane? Niles: [from his private little world] I'd love to. [realises Daphne is offering him some champagne] I mean, ah... Frasier? I was just thinking, what if no-one bids? What if you're left standing there, with flop sweat trickling down your back, amidst a great, gaping silence. Martin: It'll never happen, Niles. Frasier: Thank you, dad. Martin: Yeah, we got a band! [SCENE_BREAK] GOING ONCE Scene C: Backstage at the bachelor auction. Frasier and Bulldog are listening to the screams of the audience. Announcer: [offstage, or rather, on stage, if you know what I mean] Our next bachelor on the block is public television's own cute and cuddly Mr. Science. Frasier: My God! The estrogen levels are off the charts out there! Bulldog: Yeah, isn't it great? I mean, deep down, chicks are just like guys. We all want the same thing. Frasier: Well, I've got news for them: Frasier Crane does not put out. All they're getting for their little donation is a well- prepared gourmet meal and a handshake at the door. Bulldog: BORING! My date gets a stretch limo, moon roof, dinner, floor seats at the Sonics game and these incredible buns of steel. [turns around] Feel 'em, doc. Come on, feel 'em! Frasier: Thank you, no! As Martin enters we hear the announcer on the stage say:- Announcer: Please, please. Keep articles of clothing off the stage! Martin: Man, you show these women a little celebrity beefcake and they go nutso. Frasier: I don't mind telling you dad, I'm a little bit nervous. This is a textbook case of mob mentality. I hope all the fire exits are clearly marked. Martin: Ah, relax, relax, will ya? Frasier: Right, that's easy for you to say. You're not the one jumping into the Rottweiler pit with a pork chop around your neck! Martin: [spotting a celebrity] Hey Frasier, that's T.J. Smith, he's a linebacker for the Seahawks. They call him "The Enforcer," he's put two quarterbacks in hospital already this season. [goes over to T.J.] Hey, T.J.! Marty Crane, nice to meet ya. The stage manager, a woman with a clipboard comes in. Manager: Number 19? T.J.: [to Martin] Please don't make me go out there. Martin: Oh, you'll be fine. Don't worry, just go on out there and have a good time. T.J. goes on stage. Martin: They're gonna have him for breakfast. [SCENE_BREAK] GOING TWICE Time passes. T.J. stumbles in, a broken man. Bulldog: Hey, T.J. How was it, man? T.J.: It was horrible. They're like sharks at a feeding frenzy. The one who bought me had this crazed look in her eye. Roz sweeps in. Roz: Where do I pay? Frasier: Roz! Roz: I saw what I wanted and I went after it. [T.J. makes to back off] Stay! Manager: Number 20? [this is Frasier] Frasier: [nervously] That's me. Martin: You know son, I haven't had a chance to tell you how much I appreciate this. You know, having somebody like you in the auction really adds class. Frasier: My pleasure, dad. Martin: Now, if the bidding gets slow, drop a quarter and take a couple of minutes to pick it up. Frasier walks slowly out. [SCENE_BREAK] ...GONE Time passes. Announcer: Sold! To that very determined lady in the back row for five hundred dollars. Frasier re-enters. Bulldog: So Doc, who bought ya? Frasier: I have no idea. Last thing I remember is someone shouting out, "Shake your money maker." Manager: Number 21? [that's Bulldog] Bulldog: Ladies! Start your engines! [exits] A beautiful woman enters. Christina: Dr. Crane? Christina Harper. I just bought you. Frasier: You? You? You... bought me. Christina: I listen to your show all the time, I'm a big fan of yours. Frasier: Well, how... wonderful. Ah, you bought me for, for five hundred dollars. That's a lot of money. Christina: Oh, that's all right, I just did a big layout for "Seattle Style." Frasier: Oh, are you a photographer? Christina: No, I'm a model. Frasier: A model! How wonderful. For you. Christina: So um, how about Friday? Frasier: Ah, Friday's fine. I live at the Elliot Bay Towers on the Counterbalance. Ah, around seven? Christina: Sounds great. See you then. Frasier: Bye. Christina exits as Bulldog enters. Frasier: [happily] That's my new owner. She's a model. Bulldog: No kidding, she almost put my eye out. Frasier: So you're back awfully quick. Bulldog: Hey-hey! I was one of the last guys out there! The money was running low, but! - there was still one rawhide chew toy out there for the Bulldog. Daphne enters, in a state of shock. Bulldog: [leaves, saying to her as he slaps her behind] I gotta take a squirt. When I come back, we'll play fetch. He slaps Daphne's backside and exits. Frasier: Oh my God, Daphne. Why? Daphne: Things were slowing down, so your father asked me to shill. I opened at a hundred dollars, who knew that would be the only bid? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene B: The Frasier Residence. Frasier is making the final touches for his date. He wheels a restaurant cart out to the living room. The doorbell bing-bongs. Frasier answers it to- Frasier: Christina. Buenas noches. Christina: Hi, Frasier. Sorry I'm late, but I got a last minute call for a job. Frasier: Oh, well that's all right, you're here now, and you look enchanting. Christina: No, you don't understand. The job's tonight. But we could have dinner later. Frasier: Oh, well I suppose that's all right. Christina: I hope you didn't go to too much trouble? Frasier: Oh, no-no-no-no-no. Christina: [looking at room] You rented a restaurant trolley. Frasier: No, no, I own it. Don't tell me that you don't have one? Christina: There's just one more thing. Um, my friend Sandy got called in on the same job, and she was supposed to look after my daughter. She indicates the corridor. Frasier looks out to find a young girl standing there. Frasier: Don't tell me you want me to babysit? Christina: Look, I wouldn't do this, but I'm really in a jam. Look, Sandy'll take her as soon as we get back, and umm, that'll leave just the two of us. Frasier: Christina, I'm not really sure if I can... He catches onto her look. Frasier: I'll make a lot of points for this, won't I? Christina: A ton. Frasier: Bring the darling in. Christina: Dr. Crane, this is my daughter Renata. Frasier: Hello. [she says nothing] Christina: She's shy at first. See you later. She exits. Frasier: Well... come on in, have a seat. Can I get you, um, a soft drink? Goose liver pate? Renata, that's a pretty name. I suppose it has some poetic, romantic significance... Renata: Can I use your phone? Frasier: Now, Renata. We're going to be spending the evening together, let's try to make the best of it, shall we? I may surprise you, you know. I'm probably more "with it" than you think I am... the phone's right there. End of Act One. Act Two SHRINK RAP Scene A: Time Lapse at Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is at the table, Renata is throwing treats to Eddie whilst talking to her friend on the phone. Renata: No way! That is so fresh. No way. No way. No... way. Hold on, there's another call. [changes lines] He'll call you back. [switches back] No way... Frasier: Who was that? Renata: I don't know. [into phone] No way! Oh god, another call's coming in. Frasier: [taking phone] Do you mind? I'll answer this one, thank you. Hello? [gives phone back] It's for you. Renata: Hello? Hey, Tiffany. Frasier: Tiffany? I thought you just spoke to Tiffany? Renata: That was Tiffany Schwartz. This is Tiffany Martinez. Frasier: Celebrate the ethnic mosiac that is America, but nonetheless... [takes phone and hangs up] Renata: What's your damage? Frasier: Well, I'll tell you what my damage is, young lady. You've been Talking on the phone for an hour and a half. You haven't said a word to me except to ask for more Cheetos. [Eddie barks] They're coming, Eddie! Renata: Excuse me. Like I'm supposed to be happy I'm here? Her Fabulousness dumps me with a total stranger who could be a total perv. Frasier: Well, I'm not exactly thrilled about it either, but your mother was in a bind. And for the record, I am not a perv. Renata: You don't get it. She is always doing stuff like this. She's a flake. Frasier: Nonetheless, flake or not, you are in my charge. I think it's Time you had something that was a bit more nutritious. Now, how about some seafood crepes? Lobster Neuberg? [gives up] Corn dog dipped in curare? [N.B. Curare - a VERY powerful neurotoxin found in South America.] Renata: You got any raw cookie dough? Frasier: Even more lethal. Yes, just come on into the kitchen, we'll See what we've got. Renata: You know, you wouldn't have gotten anywhere with this gourmet Meal routine. She eats like, nothing. She's a total diet freak. That's all she talks about, besides herself. Frasier: You don't care much for your mother, do you? Renata: Well, duh. Frasier: You know, I have a son. I'd hate to think by the time he's your age, he thinks of me as some sort of, um... Renata: Dweeb? Frasier: Thank you. Renata: Brace yourself. Frasier: Oh well, look what we have here. [pulls a packet of cookie dough from the freezer] Will one tube suffice? He cuts the packet in half and gives one to Renata. Frasier: Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Reset to the Living Room, as they come back in. Frasier: Well now, Renata, you know, I am a psychiatrist. And um, if you're having problems with your mother I'd be glad to listen. Renata: You mean you want me to tell you all my problems like those Gomers on your show? Like you care. Frasier: I do care about the Gomers. I even care about you. Renata: Don't make me hurl! [Frasier gives up and sits down] She keeps telling people I'm younger than I am. Frasier: Why do you think she does that? Renata: So they won't know how old she is. I've been nine for the past three years. Frasier: Really? Renata: That's nothing. Once, she promised to take me ice-skating for my birthday? On the way there she saw a tattoo parlor. So she just left me out on the sidewalk 'til she could get a stupid butterfly tattooed on her shoulder. It's like she forgot I was even out there. Frasier: My God! How old were you? Renata: That was the first time I was nine. Frasier: What does your father say about all this? Renata: Tony? He's on the road with Whitesnake all the time. Frasier: Whitesnake? Is that a musical group or a pet? Renata: It's his new wife. [SCENE_BREAK] DRIVING MISS DAPHNE Scene B: Back of Bulldog's stretch limo. He and Daphne are leaving the game. Daphne is a little tipsy. Daphne: I must confess, I was a little apprehensive about going out with you tonight. But I'm actually having a jolly time. Unless of course it's the champagne getting to me. I have had quite a bit, haven't I? Oh, who cares? That's the beauty of being in a limo. Unless of course the driver's drinking. [into intercom] You're not drinking, are you? [to Bulldog] He's not drinking. Let's drink to the driver not drinking. Bulldog: Man, you're really looped, this is great. Outside, someone leans on their horn. Daphne: Well, that's annoying, isn't it? Certainly is taking a long time getting out of this parking lot. Did I mention this was my first basketball game? Yes, of course I did, three or four times. I still can't get over those players. They are positively gigantic. Not that being tall is the only measure of a man... but it's a bloody good one. [bursts out laughing] Oh dear, I just insulted you, didn't I? Sorry. Oh well, you can take it, you're a tough little nut. Even Bulldog cannot help but be turned off by her drunkenness. Daphne: Oh, dear. This is not good. Not good at all. Bulldog: What, you don't like the champagne? Daphne: No, I can see the bottom of me glass. Bulldog: [refilling Daphne's glass] Well, bottoms up! Daphne: Oh, you are a naughty boy. Now don't go getting any ideas. Oh, look who I'm saying this to. You don't have an idea in your head! [laughs] Did it again. I insulted you. Let's drink to that. Boom! She knocks her glass on Bulldog's forehead. Outside, the car horns start up again. Daphne: Now that is downright rude. [lowers window and yells through a speaker-cone] Hey, you there! You in the Firebird! Yes, you! Stop that honking! Now, now, just because you look stupid doesn't mean you have to act stupid! Bulldog: Hey! Don't aggravate him, we're kinda pinned in here. Daphne: Oh, posh! Civilization's not going to progress one iota unless someone points out when people's manners are remiss. [from outside we hear someone shouting, "Move it!"] OH, SHUT YOUR BLOODY CAKEHOLE! Bulldog: Don't do that! [looks out] Great, now he's getting out of his car! Daphne: Ooh, he's a tall one too. Bulldog: Quick, roll up your window, lock the door. Daphne: Don't be stupid, he's not going to hurt a woman. Bulldog: Just roll it up, roll it up! Bulldog's door opens and he starts getting pulled out of the limo. Daphne: Get your bloody claws off him! Let him go, you big ugly oaf! Bulldog: SHUT UP!!! He gets pulled out of the car while Daphne waves her fists, shadow- boxing. As his door slams, the limo starts to roll. Daphne: Oh. Well, we're moving. [through the speaker-cone, to Bulldog outside] Thank you, Pitbull! I had a lovely time! She falls over while attempting to finish the champagne. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene C: Frasier's Apartment. He and Renata are sitting at the dinner table, eating the cookie dough. Frasier: You know, this cookie dough is not that bad. Of course, I'm Sure later I'll be hurling. [the doorbell bing bongs] Ah, that must be Her Fabulousness. Want to take the rest home with you? Renata: I'd better not. If I gain an ounce, she goes ballistic. She makes me weigh in every morning. Frasier: You poor thing! Renata: I'm used to it. Frasier opens the door to Christina. Christina: Hi, I'm back. [kisses Frasier] Renata, honey. [kisses her] Sandy's waiting downstairs in the car. Frasier: Renata, I must say I had a rather enjoyable evening. Renata: You don't get out much, do you? [leaves] Frasier: You know, I think she likes me. Christina: Well uh, thank you for helping me out. Now, roll out that trolley, I'm starving. Frasier: You know, Christina, I don't think so. I think you ought to go home and spend the evening with your daughter. Christina: But I thought we had a date? Frasier: Well, you know, when we first met, I was, well, attracted by your remarkable beauty. But now that I know a bit more about you, well suddenly you don't look so good, sister. Christina: Excuse me? Frasier: A daughter is a privilege, not an inconvenience. You don't Leave her standing on some street corner while you're inside getting tattooed! Or keep her in some ageless Never-never Land where everyone is nine for ever and ever! Christina: Renata told you I did that. Frasier: Yes! She also told me about the morning weigh-in's. And the time you left her with the coat-check girl at the Palladium, so you could go dancing! I mean, what kind of excuse for a mother are you, anyway? Christina: Well. Did it ever occur to you that she might be lying? 'Cause this is the first night I've been out in over a year. God knows John and Maryanne never take her. Frasier: Who are they? Christina: Her father and his new wife. Frasier: Oh, who are Tony and Whitesnake? Christina: Our two dogs. Do you know what I do most nights? I stay home. And I help her with her homework, or French lessons. Oh, except last Saturday, when I took her and her twelve friends to an ice-skating party. Frasier: I don't suppose there's any chance that during that party you got your shoulder tattooed? Christina: [lowers her coat and turns round] Do you see anything there? Of course, Frasier sees no tattoo - only the smooth, flawless skin of her back - which, he realizes, is all he'll ever see of her. Frasier: No. But then my eyes are tearing up. But why would she lie? Christina: Because she's twelve, and she's mad at me. She wanted to stay home alone, and I wouldn't let her. I probably would have been better off if I had. God, some shrink you are! Frasier: Please don't go, child development is not my thing. My specialty is adult relations. Christina: Well, you won't be having any of those tonight. Frasier: Christina, please don't go, I... Christina: [getting into lift] Oh, and by the way - I only have one kidney. Guess who has the other? Frasier absorbs this parting shot with a mortified look, as the elevator doors close. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene D: Time lapse. Frasier's Apartment. He's sharing the cookie dough with Eddie - and we do mean sharing. He takes a bite, then lowers it for Eddie to lick and nibble. Then, beyond caring, he takes another bite himself. Martin enters. Martin: Is the coast clear? What happened to the supermodel? Frasier: She left. Martin: Oh. Was kinda afraid I might walk in on an embarrassing moment. Frasier: Should have been here half an hour ago. Martin: Well, your date's left, what are you doing still sitting up? Frasier: I was wondering if my sweet little boy's going to turn out to be a monster when he's twelve. Martin: What the hell brought that up? Frasier: Oh, it's a long story. Do you really want to hear it? Martin: Well, it is getting late. Look, all kids are the same. They start out cute, then somewhere along the way they get into that obnoxious, know-it-all stage and you think they'll never grow out of it. Frasier: But eventually they do? Martin: I'm still hoping. The phone rings, Frasier answers. Frasier: Hello? Oh, Daphne. How was your evening? ...No way! Martin reacts. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] In the limo, Frasier and Martin have joined Daphne in the back of the limo. The boys finish off the champagne, while Daphne has a glass of seltzer.

Frasier takes part in a bachelor auction, where he is "bought" by Kristina, a model. He invites her for dinner at his apartment, but when she arrives, Kristina announces that she has some urgent business and needs Frasier to look after her daughter, Renata. Frasier learns from Renata that her mother is neglectful, leading him to criticize Kristina heavily when she returns, only to discover that Renata had invented the bad behavior she described.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_05x01

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_05x01_0

Act I Fade in on a beach, daytime. Buffy runs into the camera's view and catches a football. BUFFY: Ha! Touchdown! Oh yeah. Go team me. (She does a victory dance) Shot of Riley grinning. Buffy throws him the ball; he catches it with a frown. RILEY: Anybody ever tell team you the quarterback throws like a girl? (Throws the ball back) BUFFY: (catches the ball, frowning) I do? Riley gives a "well, yeah" shrug. Buffy frowns, takes a grip on the ball and throws it. It hits Riley in the face and he falls down. BUFFY: (concerned) Ooh, sorry! Switch to long view. In the foreground we see Willow, Tara, and Anya lounging on beach blankets while Xander is sitting by a fire pit, trying to light it. In the background we can see Buffy and Riley and, beyond them, the ocean. Riley is getting up and running at Buffy. BUFFY: No, don't, no - (shrieks as Riley tackles her) XANDER: I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running... Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion? ANYA: Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness. TARA: Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put. WILLOW: I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks. Buffy and Riley approach. WILLOW: Game over? RILEY: Uh, Buffy slayed the football. (Holds up the deflated ball, then tosses it aside) BUFFY: Where's my burger? (Xander is still trying to light the fire) RILEY: Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me. (He and Buffy sit) XANDER: The, uh, fire's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman. WILLOW: (gestures at fire) Ignis incende. The logs burst into flame. Xander falls backward onto his butt in the sand. BUFFY: Willow, check you out! Witch-fu. Tara smiles at Willow. WILLOW: It's no big. You just have to balance the elements so when you affect one, you don't wind up causing... A huge clap of thunder interrupts as dark clouds appear out of nowhere and it starts to rain. Everyone jumps up shrieking and starts frantically gathering up their stuff. WILLOW: I didn't do it! I didn't do it! They all grab their stuff and run off. Cut to: Exterior shot of a castle, evening, with the storm still raging. A truck drives up. Two guys get out and go to the back of the truck, where they remove a tarp from something and begin to pull out a large box. GUY1: Come on, hurry it up, I'm getting soaked. GUY2: I'm trying. Geez, this thing weighs- They give a pull and the box falls to the ground, cracking open slightly, leaning at an angle with one end on the ground and the other leaning on the truck. A little dirt leaks out of the cracked corner. GUY1: (annoyed) Nice. Good job. GUY2: (kneels to check out the broken corner) Look at this. Guy's carting dirt around. GUY1: Leave it. We'll, we'll turn it on its side. They begin trying to right the box. GUY2: Dirt. Man, rich people are- A hand bursts out of the box and slashes his throat. He screams and staggers backward. The other guy watches in horror as a body begins to burst out of the box. Cut to: Exterior shot of Giles' building. Cut to inside Giles' apartment. Willow is typing on a computer as Giles looks on. WILLOW: There you go. All set. GILES: Thank you, Willow. Obstinate bloody machine simply refused to work for me. (Walks off) WILLOW: Just call me the computer whisperer. (Stands up, putting something in the scanner) Let's get scannin'. I want to see this puppy go. Giles puts a pile of old books on her outstretched arms. GILES: Start with those. WILLOW: (scowls) Start? Where is finish? GILES: Willow, it's essential that we begin archiving the library. I mean, most of these texts have no duplicates. WILLOW: But ... now? Doesn't winter seem more like archiving season? GILES: (looks surprised) Well, you don't have to, Willow, I mean, you're, you're welcome to leave if, uh... WILLOW: No. It's fine. (Sits back down) It's just, you've been Mr. Project all summer. You know? Labeling the amulets and indexing your diaries. (Giles gives a little smile) I draw the line at making giant rubber band balls. That's when you'll just have to get a life. (Opens the scanner and takes out whatever is in it) GILES: (clears throat) That's what I'm trying to do, actually, is, um, get a life. (Sits down) WILLOW: (not looking at him, doesn't realize he's turned serious) It might go better if you left the house. GILES: Willow, um... you mustn't repeat what I'm about to say. Especially not to Buffy. (Willow looks confused and concerned) WILLOW: Uh-oh. GILES: You promise? WILLOW: Oh, god. Well, I guess. Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know, you know? GILES: Did that mean yes? WILLOW: Yeah. GILES: We're doing all this because I, I want you and the others to have everything you need at your fingertips. You see, I'm, I'm going back to England. Willow looks shocked. WILLOW: You're ... what? But you can't! You're ... Buffy's Watcher! Giles sighs. WILLOW: I mean, in a fired way, but... GILES: Well, it's become quite obvious that Buffy doesn't need me. I-I don't say that in a self-pitying way, I'm, I'm quite proud, actually. (Smiles gently) WILLOW: But what about the rest of us? We still need to be watched! Personally, I can't get through a day without a little hairy eyeball. GILES: (laughs softly) I appreciate the sentiment, but it's, it's just not so. You'll be fine. You all will. (Gets up) And you know, we'll, we'll stay in touch. You can always call me whenever you like. WILLOW: When are you gonna tell Buffy? GILES: Soon. It won't be easy, but, um... I know she'll understand. Cut to Buffy eating dinner with Joyce. BUFFY: Thanks, Mom. Everything was yummy. (Put her napkin on the table) JOYCE: Hey, you up for dessert? We could, uh, take a drive, get some ice cream. BUFFY: (stands) You know, I, I would, but I kinda have to get out on patrol. (Begins gathering up dishes) JOYCE: Now? It's 8:30. BUFFY: Well, vamps don't really care what time it is. You know, dark equals dinner bell. (Begins carrying dishes to kitchen. Joyce stays seated) JOYCE: Right, of course. (Look around empty table) You know, I'm gonna have to get used to this place without you again. It gets so quiet. Buffy comes back in. BUFFY: You know, maybe we should make a regular date of this, when school starts. JOYCE: (nods) Mm. BUFFY: I'm sorry. (Kisses Joyce on cheek) Duty calls. It's a total drag. (Leaves) Cut to Buffy punching a vampire in the cemetery, looking like she's having plenty of fun. She punches him several times and then grabs his shoulders and knees him. He gets up and she's on his back. Shot of a bunch of smoke or fog, coalescing into a face. We see just a pair of eyes and a nose. Back to Buffy on top of the vampire. He throws her down. She gets up and charges, ducks a punch, punches and then kicks him. She tries to kick again but he grabs her and lifts her over his head, then throws her down. She gets up again, Jumps on him with her legs around his neck. He throws her down, she flips him over and then stakes him. Buffy stands up looking satisfied, begins to stride away purposefully. She walks between the gravestones and suddenly stops, whirls around. MAN: Very impressive hunt. We see a man walking forward out of the darkness. He's very thin and pale, has long hair, and speaks with an accent. MAN: Such power. BUFFY: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job. We see that the man is wearing a long flowing cloak and has long flowing hair. He walks toward Buffy. BUFFY: Care to step up for some overtime? MAN: We're not going to fight. BUFFY: Do you *know* what a slayer is? MAN: Do you? (Smirking) Buffy looks intrigued. BUFFY: Who are you? MAN: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula. Buffy's eyes widen and she looks delighted. BUFFY: Get out! [SCENE_BREAK] Commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II Fade in on Willow and Xander walking through the darkened graveyard, holding plastic cups of iced coffee. WILLOW: Xand ... what if somebody had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone. XANDER: (nodding) News flash, Will. Everybody knows. WILLOW: No, thi-this isn't about me and Tara. XANDER: Oh. Well, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty. WILLOW: (grins) Sorry, this is of the non-naughty variety. And I'm not telling you. (Nods firmly) XANDER: Okay. Want to see if Buffy's hanging around the headstones? WILLOW: Sure. So if I was gonna tell you, which I'm not going to... Cut to Buffy still looking amazed. BUFFY: So lemme get this straight. You're ... (in Dracula's accent) "Dracula." The guy, the count. DRACULA: I am. (We can see his fangs now.) BUFFY: And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Cause ... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat. DRACULA: (looks a little annoyed) You know who I am. As I would now without question that you are Buffy Summers. (Walks toward her, looming over her.) BUFFY: You're heard of me? DRACULA: Naturally. You're known throughout the world. BUFFY: (smiles bashfully) Naw. Really? DRACULA: Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned ... killer. BUFFY: Yeah, I prefer the term slayer. You know, killer just sounds so... DRACULA: Naked? BUFFY: Like I ... paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember? DRACULA: Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it. Buffy frowns and ponders this for a moment. BUFFY: No. You know what I feel? Bored. She lunges at him with her stake. He dissolves into smoke. As she straightens up looking confused, he reappears behind her. She turns, lunges again. He dissolves into smoke again. Buffy looks around. BUFFY: Okay, that's cheating. Xander and Willow walk up. XANDER: Hey Buff, what's up? WILLOW: You look like you just- BUFFY: Get out of here. Now. XANDER: Fine, but I was gonna give you a sip of my double-mint mocha, but.. (We see Dracula reappearing behind him) BUFFY: Behind you. Willow and Xander turn and see Dracula. WILLOW: Hi. XANDER: Nice. Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy. (Behind him we see Buffy holding her stake, looking concerned) DRACULA: I have no interest in you. Leave us. XANDER: No, we're not going to (in Dracula's accent) "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? (As the Count on Sesame Street) Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha! Dracula looks annoyed. BUFFY: (whispering) Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula. XANDER: Wow, really? (Hurries to stand behind Buffy) Hey, sorry, man, I was ... just jokin' around. DRACULA: This is not the time. (Locks eyes with Buffy) I will see you soon. He spreads his cape out and moves toward them, turning into a bat and flying over their heads as they all duck and yell. The bat flies away, squeaking. They straighten up and look around. The bat comes back and flies around Buffy's head. She covers her head with her hands. BUFFY: Bat! Ooh, bat! The bat squeaks and flies away again. Cut to: Exterior shot of Giles' building. XANDER VO: And then Buffy's all, "Look out!" Cut to inside Giles' apartment. XANDER: And then frigging Dracula's standing right behind us. (Sits on sofa where Anya and Willow are already sitting. We see Buffy and Riley standing around.) WILLOW: And then, he lunges at us, like whoosh! (With hand gestures) XANDER: He totally looked shorter in person. BUFFY: I told you he'd heard of me, right? I mean, can you believe that? (Shot of Giles nodding patiently) Count Famous heard of me. RILEY: I couldn't believe it the first twenty times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now. BUFFY: I'm sorry. Am I repeat-o-girl? I was just ... blown away. RILEY: It's not that surprising that he's heard of you, Buffy. You are the slayer. BUFFY: I guess. Just - the way he said it, you know, I mean, he made it sound so... WILLOW: Sexy? I bet he made it sound sexy. (Grinning. We see Tara coming up behind her.) BUFFY: Kinda. He of the dark penetrating eyes and lilty accent. (Sits) XANDER VO: I wonder if he knows Frankenstein. TARA: (sits on arm of couch and gives Willow a glass of soda) You thought Dracula was sexy? WILLOW: Oh! No. He, he was ... yuck. ANYA: Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? Yucko. XANDER: How would you know? ANYA: Well, we hung out a few times. (Xander looks jealous) Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. (sighs wistfully, then remembers herself) You know, from, from a whole ... evil thing perspective. XANDER: (scoffs) Please. He was no big whoop. WILLOW: No big whoop? What about that thing where he turned himself into a bat? That was awesome! GILES: It must have been, yes. (Everyone looks at him) I must admit, I'm sorry I missed that. WILLOW: (suddenly realizing) Me too! The whole time I was thinking, 'Gosh, I wish Giles were here, he'd know what to do!' Giles smiles tolerantly; he knows what she's trying to do. WILLOW: (to the others) Didn't you guys ... think that? BUFFY: Actually, I was more thinking, 'Bat!' (Wiggles hands near her head) XANDER: (to Giles) How come he can do that? GILES: I, I have no idea. There's a great deal of myth about Dracula. I imagine the trick to defeating him lies in separating the fact from the fiction. WILLOW: Great point! That is so Giles, to think of something like that, you know? (To the others) That, that we ... would have never... (trails off) BUFFY: So we should take things slow with Dracula. I mean, he said that we would meet again, but I would like to avoid that until we do some serious homework. RILEY: I don't know. I mean, he may have a bunch of swell party tricks, but he's still just a vampire. I say we load up with stakes and crossbows and go after him now. XANDER: Second. ANYA: No, Buffy's right. Dracula's too slick to fall for the usual stuff. BUFFY: So we hold off. No killing until we know exactly what we're dealing with. RILEY: You're not just saying that because of those dark penetrating eyes of his, are you? BUFFY: Noooo, his eyes were -- (Gets up and goes over to Riley) There were - there was no penetration. (Embarrassed) Cross my heart. GILES: All right. Willow, you and Tara find out everything you can about the actual legend of Vlad the Impaler on the Internet, (Willow and Tara nod) and, uh, I'll check the library. (Everyone starts to get up) RILEY: If the Initiative was still around, we'd be able to find everything on this guy in a few hours. BUFFY: We might not be as fast, but we'll find him. You guys, we'll reconvene here in the morning. Everyone says "uh-huh" and goes off. Riley pulls Buffy aside. RILEY: What's your plan? BUFFY: Big sleep. My count encounter wiped me out. RILEY: (nods) I'm kinda wired. Maybe I should just let you get your rest. BUFFY: You sure? I mean, maybe if you just lie down with me... (suggestive look) RILEY: (grinning) Nothing you are about to say will lead to rest. BUFFY: I guess you're right. I'll see you in the morning? RILEY: Mm-hmm. With donuts. BUFFY: Mm. Heaven. (Smooch) See? A little sugar and I'm all yours. Dracula schmacula. Cut to Anya and Xander walking down the street. ANYA: I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like seven hundred or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think? XANDER: Adorable. ANYA: It was a great spell. I made this jerk incredibly fat, like a human minivan. The camera pans up to the rooftop of the Espresso Pump, where we see a wolf growling as it walks along the roof following Anya and Xander. ANYA VO: You should just mention my name if you see him again. XANDER: Or better yet, why don't you just go sit on top of a crypt and flaunt your neck cleavage until Dracula shows up? Then you two can talk private. ANYA: Oh please, don't tell me you're jealous. XANDER: Oh no, just because you're panting over the guy. (Stops walking) ANYA: I am not panting. Now stop being silly. I'll see you tomorrow. (Smooch) XANDER: You don't wanna come back to my place? ANYA: It's whites day, remember? The bleach smell makes me nauseous. (Walks off) XANDER: Fine. I suppose Dracula doesn't use bleach, huh? He's a darks-only man. (Walks off. We see the wolf still watching him.) Cut to Xander rounding a corner on the dark street. He jumps in shock when he sees Dracula waiting for him. XANDER: (sighing) Great. Perfect. (suddenly deciding he's not scared) You know what? You're not so big. (Looks Dracula up and down) One round of old-fashioned fisticuffs, you'd fold like a bitty baby. Dracula scowls. XANDER: (rolls up sleeves) Okay, let's do it. And no poofing. Come on, puffy shirt. Pucker on up, cause you can kiss your pale ass- DRACULA: Silence. XANDER: Yes master. (Shakes head) No, that's not- DRACULA: (lifts a hand) You will be my emissary, my eyes and ears in daylight. XANDER: Your emissary? DRACULA: Serve me well. You will be rewarded. I will make you an immortal. A child of darkness that feeds on life itself... on blood. XANDER: (in Dracula's accent) "Blood"? (speaking very quickly) Yes! Yes! I will serve you, your excellent spookiness. Dracula frowns. XANDER: (still speaking too quickly) Or master. I'll just stick with master. DRACULA: You are strange and off-putting. Go now. Xander nods, turns to go, turns back. XANDER: But master, how can I find- (Sees Dracula is gone) Brilliant. What an exit! Guy's a genius! (Giggles crazily and walks off) Cut to Riley opening a crypt door and walking in. Candles are lit everywhere. He walks in, looking around. SPIKE: Well, well. Spike emerges from the shadows holding a crossbow. SPIKE: You can take the boy out of the Initiative, but you can't take the Initiative out of the boy. RILEY: I'd put that down, unless you're bucking for one hell of a headache. Spike hesitates, puts the bow down. SPIKE: I can't be too careful. I got quite a few demons after me these days. RILEY: I'm looking for some information. Might pay a little. SPIKE: (shrugs) I'll play. (Goes over to a couple of chairs) RILEY: What can you tell me about Dracula? SPIKE: Dracula? (scoffs) Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing. (Puts a cigarette in his mouth) RILEY: You know him? SPIKE: Know him? We're old rivals. (Lights cigarette) But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. (Points at Riley) I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us. (Sits down) You know, the mirror bit? RILEY: But he's not just a regular vampire. I mean, he has special powers, right? SPIKE: Nothing but showy gypsy stuff. What's it to you, anyway? RILEY: He's in town. Making his presence known. SPIKE: (smiling) Drac's in Sunnydale-way? (Puts feet up on a cassock) I guess the old boy needed closure after all. RILEY: Actually, he's gunning for Buffy. But I'm out to find him before he gets another shot at her. (Sits) SPIKE: Tough talk, cowboy. But you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt. No, the count has to have his luxury estate and his bug-eaters and his special dirt, don't he? RILEY: So you're saying I should check out mansions, that sort of thing? SPIKE: No. (stands) I'm saying ... you should go home to your superhoney. Have a nice, safe snog. You're out of your depth on this one, boy. (Turns his back on Riley) RILEY: You've helped Buffy before, so she has a problem with killing you now that you're helpless. (Spike still turned away) RILEY: I don't. Spike turns to face him, walks up to him. SPIKE: I'd like to see you try. Riley stands, gets in Spike's face. RILEY: Would you? They stare each other down. Finally Spike looks away. SPIKE: Pfft. Riley walks to the door. SPIKE: (calls out as Riley is at the door) You're never gonna find him. Riley leaves. SPIKE: (to himself) Not before he gets to her. Cut to: Exterior shot of Joyce's house, night. Cut to Buffy in bed, asleep. Pan over to the window. Fog pours in from outside, flows across the floor toward the bed. A breeze comes up, ruffling the sheets. Buffy wakes and sits up with a gasp. Dracula stands at the foot of the bed. DRACULA: You are magnificent. BUFFY: I bet you say that before you bite all the girls. DRACULA: No, you are different. Kindred. BUFFY: Kindred? Hardly, I- DRACULA: Pull your hair back. Buffy looks surprised but pulls her hair back from her neck. Shot of Dracula admiring her. BUFFY VO: This isn't how I ... usually fight. Buffy looks a little self-conscious. Glances at the window. BUFFY: You think you can just waft in here with your music video wind and your hypno-eyes... (trails off) DRACULA: I have searched the world over for you. I have yearned for you. (Sits on the bed next to her) For a creature whose darkness rivals my own. He puts his hand on her chin and moves her head aside. He sees the scar where Angel bit her (episode "Graduation Day") and touches it with his fingertips. DRACULA: You have been tasted. (smiles slightly as he trails his fingers over her cheek) BUFFY: He was- DRACULA: Unworthy. (Buffy stares at him, looks scared) He let you go. (Looks her in the eyes) But the embrace ... his bite ... you remember. BUFFY: (uncertain) No. Dracula caresses her face some more. DRACULA: Do not fight. (Puts his hand behind her neck) I can feel your hunger. He leans down to bite her neck. Buffy gasps but doesn't pull away. [SCENE_BREAK] Commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III Fade in on exterior of Joyce's house, morning. Cut to Buffy asleep in bed. She wakes up. Sits up looking a little confused. Cut to Buffy dressed, looking in the mirror. She fiddles with her hair, notices something, pulls her hair back to expose two bite marks on her neck. She looks at it for a moment, then grabs a scarf and ties it around her neck. Cut to Riley leaning over with a donut. RILEY: Here's a jelly one, you want it? Closeup of Riley's hand holding the donut out. Shot of Buffy on Giles' couch with the donut being held in her face. BUFFY: No. XANDER: Got it! Got it. Mine, mine. (Note: throughout this scene Xander speaks each line very quickly and moves around a lot.) Xander rushes out of the kitchen and grabs the donut. We see Giles in the kitchen. Xander walks in little circles, nibbling quickly at the donut. Riley looks in the box for another donut. We see Willow on a chair in the background. WILLOW: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids. XANDER: (sitting on a stool eating the donut) Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master. Everyone gives him a strange look. XANDER: ...bator. WILLOW: A lot of it we already knew. (Riley walks to another chair opposite the couch) Turnoffs: wood, fire, crosses, garlic. Turnons: nice duds, minions, (wistful) long slow bites that last for days... RILEY: Yeah, I did a little research too. (Shot of Buffy looking distracted) Dracula likes to live in style. Which means we can rule out the usual dumps vampires haunt. XANDER: Ah! But he's smart enough to figure that we probably already know that. I'm guessing he's lying low. (Licks his donut. Giles comes out from the kitchen) WILLOW: Actually, my research backs Riley up. Drac isn't the lay-low type. GILES: (gives Riley a glass of milk) So we can, uh, check out the nicer places. Don't you think, Buffy? Buffy isn't paying attention. We see Xander moving from chair to chair and tapping fingers nervously. GILES: Buffy? Buffy blinks, tunes back in. BUFFY: Yeah. We'll check all the swanky places first. What else did you guys get? GILES: Well, Willow has most of it, actually. WILLOW: (sits up) Only because you gave me super pointers! I never would have... GILES: (puts up hand to stop her) Just go ahead, Willow. WILLOW: OK. Dracula's modus operandi is different from other vampires. He will kill just to feed, but he'd rather have a connection with his victims. And he has all of these mental powers to draw them in. Buffy looks thoughtful. WILLOW: He, he can read and control minds... appear in dreams... BUFFY: (distracted) Uh huh. WILLOW: Makes sense. That stare ... he just kinda ... looked right through you. Didn't you feel it, Buffy? Riley looks at Buffy. BUFFY: (pause) No. (gets up) No, I didn't. XANDER: See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince. Everyone gives him a strange look. XANDER: ...bator. GILES: The point is, though he goes through the motions of an intimate seduction, the end result is the same. He turns them into a vampire. Buffy looks as if she hadn't considered that. XANDER: Well. That *is* intimate. Dracula's gifting these ladies with his own blood. And blood -- (He notices a spider on the desk next to him, glances around to see if anyone's looking) Blood is life. Everyone looks confused. XANDER: According to them. (Slams his hand down on the spider) GILES: Um ... Just be aware that he, he tends to form a relationship with his prey. (When no one's looking, Xander scoops the spider into his mouth and chews) It's not enough for him to take her. She must want to be taken. She must ... burn for him. (Buffy looks uncomfortable, fiddling with her scarf.) BUFFY: That's ... interesting. I'm gonna go find him. She starts to leave. Everyone gets up. RILEY: You shouldn't go by yourself, Buffy. I mean, this guy's seriously dangerous. BUFFY: It's cool, I got it. (Opens door, leaves.) Buffy walking through the courtyard outside Giles' apartment. Riley comes out after her. RILEY: Hey. (grabs her arm and stops her) Take off that scarf. BUFFY: What? No. (puts hand over scarf) RILEY: (gives an "I knew it" nod) You're under the thrall of the dark prince! BUFFY: (scoffs) I am not under the thrall of the dark prince. RILEY: Then take off the scarf. BUFFY: Oh, let go of me! This is ridiculous. (tries to break arm out of Riley's grasp but he holds on) Riley rips off the scarf as the others come out too. Everyone looks at Buffy's neck. She sits on the edge of the stone fountain and puts her head in her hands. GILES: Why didn't you say anything? XANDER: Cause she didn't want to worry us, right Buffster? It's nothin'. Just a scratch. WILLOW: Two deep, puncture-y scratches. Buffy looks apologetically at Riley. BUFFY: I'm not sure why I tried to hide it. Uh, there was just this voice, and it was, it was telling me to cover it. RILEY: And what did I tell you? (to the others) That's thrall. XANDER: You're saying Dracula has some sort of freaky mind control over her? You're watching too many creature features, man. BUFFY: But it does seem like he has this ... control over me, I ... even though a big part of me is resisting. During this speech we see Xander grab a fly off a nearby leaf and eat it. RILEY: No, that's okay. I shouldn't take this personally. I mean, what with Angel, I mean, it's understandable that there would be transference. I mean, they're both broody immortals. Buffy looks dismayed and gets up to walk close to Riley. BUFFY: (firmly) I am not transfer-y. (quieter) I swear to you. I'm your girl, and I'm gonna stay that way. RILEY: Okay. But you are not going anywhere near him again. GILES: Uh, Riley's right, you should - you should stay out of sight. Let the rest of us look for Dracula. BUFFY: I can't go home. He already got inside once. XANDER: You can come over to my place. I'll make sure you stay put. GILES: Good. Um, Riley and I can, uh, can... search for Dracula, and Willow, you and Tara could uh, could do a protection spell on Buffy's mother's house, and prevent him from returning. WILLOW: (nodding) Got it. How'd he get inside anyway? Cut to Joyce walking through her house. JOYCE: He seemed so nice and normal. A little pale. We see Willow and Tara working magic on the front door. WILLOW: A good Sunnydale rule of thumb? Avoid white-skinned men in capes. JOYCE: I'm not like this. I don't invite strange men over for coffee, it's just ... Oh, when you girls are older you'll understand. (Sits on stairs) It's hard to date. Sometimes you just ... feel like giving up on men altogether. Willow and Tara sneak little looks at each other and try not to grin. Cut to: Shot of the sun setting on the horizon. Cut to Giles and Riley walking through the grounds of a mansion. Riley has a notepad. Giles carries a bag. RILEY: Another bust. (crosses something off on notepad) GILES: And it's getting dark. I should have turned up a better lead. There must be an easier way to find him. RILEY: Too late to worry about that now. If we hurry, we can hit these last places. They leave the estate. Cut to Xander's basement. ANYA: How come I have to be here slayer-sitting while the other guys get to look for Dracula? We see Buffy and Anya sitting on the couch while Xander paces. ANYA: I mean, just because I'm- XANDER: What time is it? ANYA: (checks watch) Uh, almost six. (stands up so she's standing in front of the open closet door) Look, I mean, I'm the one who knows him, I-I'm the one who had a really good look at him, and so, I mean, what- Xander pushes her into the closet and shuts the door. ANYA: Hey! What? Xander puts a chair under the doorknob to hold it shut. We hear Anya banging on the door and yelling. Buffy sits oblivious through all of this. Xander turns to Buffy. XANDER: (still talking too fast) I'm supposed to deliver you to the master now. Buffy looks up at him. XANDER: There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that? BUFFY: Take me to him. She stands. We still hear Anya pounding and yelling. Cut to: Exterior shot of the castle, night. Xander and Buffy walking up to the castle, walking up the steps. Cut to interior of the castle. The typical wooden furnishings. Torches and candles everywhere. Xander leads Buffy in. XANDER: Master? I deliver the slayer. She who you most desire. (Buffy walks in behind him, still looking kind of catatonic. Xander gives a little bow.) XANDER: Sorry, whom. Pan across a long table. Shot of Dracula standing by the fireplace, wearing black pants, red shirt, black vest. He turns slowly. XANDER: So now comes the immortality, right? You do the thing, and- DRACULA: Leave us. Xander stops. DRACULA: We must not be interrupted. XANDER: You bet. (leaves) Buffy and Dracula stare at each other across the long table. DRACULA: I knew you'd come. BUFFY: Why? Because I'm under your thrall? (Whips out Mister Pointy and drops the dazed expression) Well, guess again, pal. DRACULA: Put the stake down. BUFFY: Okay. (Puts it down, then looks at her hand in surprise) Right. That ... was not ... you. (Sounding unconvinced) I did that. I did that because ... I wanted to. Dracula watches her. BUFFY: Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing. (looks around nervously and gives a little whimper) [SCENE_BREAK] Commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV Exterior of castle. Riles and Giles walk up. RILEY: I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before? GILES: Uh, a castle? RILEY: A big honking castle. They walk toward it. Cut to Riley and Giles opening the castle door and entering, looking around. Riles points down one hallway. Giles nods and goes down it. Riley goes the other way. Shot of a woman with yellow eyes and vampire teeth peeking out from the shadows, smiling. Cut to Buffy and Dracula in the dining room. BUFFY: Stay away from me. DRACULA: Are you afraid I will bite you? (walking slowly toward her) Slayer, that's why you came. BUFFY: No. Last night ... it's not gonna happen again. DRACULA: (still walking toward her) Stop me. Stake me. BUFFY: (backing up a little) I... (glancing at stake on the table) Any minute now. DRACULA: Do you know why you cannot resist? BUFFY: Cause you're famous? DRACULA: Because you do not want to. BUFFY: (shakes head nervously) My friends- DRACULA: They're here. (she looks at him) They will not find us. We are alone. Buffy looks anxious. DRACULA: Always alone. Buffy continues to look anxious. DRACULA: (begins to circle around her) There is so much I have to teach you. Your history, your power ... what your body is capable of... BUFFY: (shaking head) I don't need to know. DRACULA: You long to. And you will have eternity to discover yourself. (Comes back around in front to face her) But first ... a little taste. BUFFY: I won't let you. DRACULA: I didn't mean for me. Shot of Buffy looking determined. Cut to Riley moving through the dark hallways. He tries a door but it's locked. He turns away, but then the door opens and Xander comes out. XANDER: Nobody harms my master. RILEY: Your master? XANDER: You want him? You come through me. Riley punches him in the face. He falls down. RILEY: Okey-dokey. Steps over Xander and through the door. Cut to Giles in another part of the castle. He tries a door and it opens. He steps into the darkness beyond and falls off a ledge to the floor about eight feet below. GILES: Oh, good show, Giles. Uhh... at least you didn't get knocked out for a change. (Turns over on his back with a groan) GILES: Oh ... oh, ladies. Three vampire women appear and begin crawling over him, GILES: You would ... be the three sisters, yes? They begin kissing his cheek and rubbing his chest. GILES: E-excellent, right. Uh, I'd heard that you were myth ... obviously erroneous. One of them rips his shirt open and begins caressing him. GILES: Aah! Ooh, that's, uh, that, uh... (giggling) tickles! Ooh, uh... oh, dear god. (Panting) Cut back to Dracula. He holds up his arm and rolls up the sleeve. BUFFY: What are you- DRACULA: All those years fighting us. Your power so near to our own... (Cuts his arm with a fingernail till blood wells up) ...and you've never once wanted to know what it is that we fight for? (Holds his arm out to Buffy) Never even a taste? BUFFY: (looks conflicted) If I drink that- DRACULA: I have not drunk enough for you to change. You must be near death to become one of us. And that comes only when you plead for it. BUFFY: (staring at his wrist) I'm not hungry. DRACULA: No. Your craving goes deeper than that. Buffy stares at him. DRACULA: (whispering) You think you know ... what you are ... what's to come. You haven't even begun. Buffy looks at his arm, at his face. Takes his hand in both of hers and puts her mouth on the bloody wrist. DRACULA: Find it. The darkness. Find your true nature. Buffy's eyes are wide. A very quick series of shots flashing by. Most are shots of Buffy fighting, but a few are shots of the First Slayer from episode "Restless." There's also a shot of a vein with blood corpuscles rushing through it. Buffy lifts her head. BUFFY: (softly) Wow. She suddenly shoves out her hand and pushes Dracula away. He lands on the table and slides across it on his back. BUFFY: (normal voice) That was gross. She walks forward as Dracula gets to his feet. DRACULA: You are resisting. BUFFY: Looks like. DRACULA: Come here. Come to me. (holds out hand) BUFFY: You know, I really think the thrall has gone out of our relationship. But I want to thank you for opening up my eyes a little. DRACULA: What is this? BUFFY: My true nature. You want a taste? Dracula growls and lunges at her. She jumps over his head, whirls, kicks him, punches him twice, kicks him into a wall. He spins back, grabs her arm, punches her and flings her across the room. She lands on the table on her back. Cut to Riley walking up to an open door. RILEY: Buffy? Are you in- (stops himself before falling into the pit) Giles! Giles! Riley pulls out a cross and holds it up. The three female vampires hiss and slink away. Riley tosses the cross to Giles, who catches it. RILEY: Come on, come on. Grab my hand. GILES: Thank god you came. RILEY: Come on! GILES: There was no possible escape. Still staring back toward the sisters, Giles takes Riley's hand and Riley pulls him up. Giles notices his foot has only a sock on it. GILES: Oh, my shoe. (Pointing back into the pit) Silly me, I'll just pop- RILEY: No no no, sir! (Pulls him away) No more chick pit for you. Come on. (They get up and move off down the hall.) Cut back to Buffy running across the room. She barrels into Dracula and they fall to the floor, rolling. He's on top. He punches her, she punches him, then she grabs his shirt and flips him over. Now she's on top. She punches him a few times. Then he catches her fist and flings her off him. He's grinning. They both get up, grab each other and fall down again. Buffy's on top. She brings both her hands down but he blocks and flings her away again. She flies backward and hits the wall. She grabs him, he flips her across the table and then jumps onto it. She hits him with a chair and then sweeps his feet out from under him. He punches her. She grabs a torch and he rolls away just as she hits the table with it. They face each other across the table. BUFFY: A guy like you should think about going electric. Seriously. Dracula growls and turns to smoke. Buffy looks around, sees where the smoke is converging, drops the torch and runs toward the smoke. She grabs Mister Pointy off the table as she runs, leaps to the top of the stairs, and is there to stake Dracula just as he appears from the smoke. He looks shocked. BUFFY: How do you like my darkness now? Dracula growls, falls down the stairs and explodes into dust. Buffy saunters down the stairs. Riley and Giles rush in. RILEY: Buffy! You okay? BUFFY: Yeah. Chock full of free will. GILES: And Dracula? BUFFY: Eurotrashed. Xander rushes in holding a torch. XANDER: (back to talking normally) Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch? BUFFY: He's gone. XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey! Giles, Riley, and Buffy nod and try to look solemn. BUFFY: Check. No more butt-monkey. RILEY: It coulda been worse. At least you weren't making time with the dracu-babes like Giles here. GILES: I was not making time! I, I was, uh, just about to kill those, uh, loathsome creatures when Riley interrupted me. (Wrapping his torn shirt around himself) Riley (grinning) You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death? Riley and Buffy grin and start to walk away. GILES: Of course not! I was in complete... (the others have walked off) control. He walks out. Shot of the candles burning in the chandelier. Shot of the stairs. Shot of the bottom of the stairs. The fog appears and begins to converge. As soon as Dracula has fully appeared, a hand appears and stakes him again. He gasps. BUFFY: You think I don't watch your movies? (rolling her eyes) You always come back. Dracula explodes into dust again. Buffy folds her arms and watches. The fog begins to collect again. BUFFY VO: I'm standing right here! The fog dissipates. Exterior shot of Giles' building. BUFFY VO: You wanted to see me? Cut to inside Giles' apartment. Giles gets up as Buffy walks in. GILES: Yes. Thanks for coming. Can I offer you some tea? BUFFY: Oh ... no, thanks. (notices a plate on the table by the sofa) Ooh, cookies. How come I rate the little cookie treatment? GILES: Well, actually, I have something to tell you. (comes over with a teapot. They both sit on the sofa.) BUFFY: Actually, I have something that I'd like to talk to you about, too. GILES: Oh, well, you go first, by all means. BUFFY: No, go ahead. GILES: No, I insist. (pouring tea) BUFFY: (after a moment, softly) You haven't been my Watcher for a while. (Giles stops pouring) I haven't been training ... and I haven't really needed to come to you for help. GILES: (sadly) I agree. (sets down the teapot) BUFFY: (gestures helplessly, gets up to pace) And then this whole thing with Dracula ... it made me face up to some stuff. (Giles looks concerned) Ever since we did that spell where we called on the first slayer ... I've been going out a lot. (Giles looks surprised) Every night. GILES: Patrolling? BUFFY: Hunting. That's ... what Dracula called it. (pacing) And he was right. He understood my power better than I do. He saw darkness in it. Shot of Giles looking very concerned. BUFFY: (sits down again) I need to know more. About where I come from, about the other slayers. I mean, maybe ... maybe if I could learn to control this thing, I could be stronger, I could be better. But ... I'm scared. I know it's gonna be hard. And I can't do it ... without you. I need your help. (pause) I need you to be my Watcher again. Giles stops frowning. BUFFY: (sighs, laughs nervously) Boy, I just, I just keep talking, don't I? I'm sorry, you-you had something you wanted to say? GILES: (smiling) No ... it's nothing. He picks up his teacup. Buffy looks relieved. Cut to Joyce's house. Buffy walks through the halls and peeks into Joyce's bedroom. BUFFY: I'm outta here. (Joyce comes onscreen, in the bedroom. Buffy moves offscreen but keeps talking) Riley and I are going to the movies. JOYCE: Okay. Have a good time. Buffy goes into another room and sees the back of a girl with long brown hair. BUFFY VO: What are you *doing* here? The girl turns around, looks surprised, then gives Buffy a sour look. Buffy doesn't look too pleased either. Cut back to Joyce in her room, calling out. JOYCE: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister? Cut back to the bedroom. Both girls turn to look at the doorway, looking annoyed. Buffy and Dawn (in unison): Mom! End.

Buffy faces Count Dracula who has come to Sunnydale to make her one of his concubines. Dracula turns Xander into a Renfield of sorts, before being defeated but not killed.

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Skyline:The crescent moon rises over the city. ACT I Scene One - KACL Frasier is standing by. Frasier: We still have a few minutes left, and all our lines are open. Uh, shall I attempt another joke? Roz: [quietly] No. Frasier still looks at her questioningly. Roz: [louder] No! Frasier: All right, then. Come on, callers, don't be shy. There's still time to talk with the good doctor. Five open lines. Roz looks up at the time. Frasier: [beginning an act] Who's this, then, Roz? On line one, uh, whom do we have? I understand we have... Susan, who recently moved here from... Texas. He gestures to Roz to play along, and she shakes her head wearily, pleading no. She does not want to do this. Frasier: Go ahead, Susan, I'm listening. Roz: [giving in, putting on a Texas accent] Hi, Dr. Crane. [N.B. Peri Gilpin is originally from Waco, Texas.] Roz: I'm new in town, from Texas, and uh, I just left my husband. Frasier: I see, and why did you do that? Roz: Well, uh... [suddenly resuming her normal speech] Oh, I know, he was abusive! Frasier: [glaring at her] That couldn't have been easy for you. Roz: [resuming Texas accent] Well, my girlfriend helped me. We just got in our convertible and drove through the desert, and we stopped at this honky-tonk. I started dancing with this cowboy--long story short, he roughed me up, and my friend killed him--but then... we met the cutest cowboy, but he stole all our money, so we robbed a gas station and blew up a tanker truck... Frasier: Yes, I'm afraid we're out of time. I will finish with you off the air, Susan. Meanwhile, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, saying Good Day, Seattle, and Good Mental Health. He signs off. Roz enters from her booth. Frasier: Well, thank you, Thelma. Or is it Louise? Roz: Don't snap at me because you didn't get any phone calls today. I told you not to put me on the spot again. Frasier: I'm sorry, Roz, but I was desperate. You know, I really think you were closer with that character yesterday--the young teen who moved into the town that had banned dancing. Now that, that had the tang of reality. Roz: That was Footloose, you idiot. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's apartment Martin opens the door to Ronee. Martin: Hey, I thought you were working tonight. Ronee: I got the night off, and I am kidnapping you for the weekend. Martin: Oh, where we going? Ronee: My boss gave me his house in the mountains. It's very romantic. There's this little family of deer that comes right up to the window, so you might want to bring your... Martin: My camera? I will. Ronee: I was going to say gun, but suit yourself. Oh, you are going to love it. There's this amazing view of the lake. You can see every star in the sky. Martin: Wow! Is there a VCR there? Because I just bought a couple of great old Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire movies. He gets them. They have Blockbuster logos. Ronee: Well, why didn't you just rent them? Martin: I did, last August. Ronee: Oh. Let's get moving. I don't want to get stuck in traffic. Martin: Sounds good, I'll go pack some food. That was really nice of your boss to give you the cabin. What made him do it? Ronee: I put out. Martin: That's my girl! She goes to the powder room. Frasier enters. Frasier: I hate people. Martin: What's the matter with you? Frasier: In a perfect ending to a perfect day, the driver next to me swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel, running me into a pothole and drenching me in coffee. I hate squirrels, too. He hangs his coat. Martin: Well, maybe it was for the best. The coffee might have made you irritable. Frasier grins at him sarcastically, then goes to the bar. Frasier: My show today was a fiasco. For the second day in a row, we had virtually no callers. It's getting harder and harder to blame it on Roz. Martin: Well, maybe you fixed everybody. Frasier: Oh wait, there was one caller. My date for Saturday night called to cancel because I am not her type. Oh, and guess what? Her honesty was not refreshing. Frasier picks up a bottle. It is empty. Frasier: Dear God, we're out of sherry. Insult... [placing the bottle down] made injury. He goes to the kitchen. Martin follows. Martin: Well, here's something that will cheer you up. Ronee's boss gave her his cabin for the weekend, so we're heading up there tonight. Frasier: Oh. Well, being home alone for the weekend might be just the thing for someone in my state of mind. Me... and my shadow of a life. Frasier's back is to Martin. Eddie begs and paws at Martin, who addresses him. Martin: [to Eddie] Hey! We're not leaving you at home. You're coming with us. It wouldn't be any fun without you. Frasier: [turning around holding a glass] Oh really, Dad? I was so hoping that you would say that. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the weekend here wallowing in self-pity. Leave it to you to see right through me, and toss me a lifeline. They return to the living room, where Ronee is on the couch. Martin: [not sure how to react] Well, uh, now are you sure, Fras? 'Cause, you know, uh, come to think of it, there are lots of squirrels up there. The doorbell rings. Frasier: Well, I-I don't mind them in their own milieu. Oh, gosh, I'm so looking forward to taking in some mountain air with the two of you, and isn't this fortuitous? I've just had my Tyrolean hat re-feathered. Ronee: [to Martin] Can I talk to you? Martin nods sheepishly. They go to the kitchen. Frasier opens the door to Niles. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Oh, Frasier, I have had... the worst day imaginable. I need a sherry. Frasier: Brace yourself. Niles: [noticing the empty bottle] You always think it's going to happen to someone else. Frasier: I've opened some wine, Niles. Help yourself. Niles: Oh, thanks. Two of my patients cancelled, and Daphne and I spent the afternoon arguing over which diaper pail we would buy for the nursery. Then, driving home, I successfully avoided hitting a squirrel, only to be nearly run off the road by some horn-happy maniac. Frasier: That was me, you simp, you nearly killed me. Niles: You nearly killed me! And what was that crude multi-part gesture you unleashed on me? Frasier: I had hot coffee all over my hand. He waves, demonstrating. Frasier: You know what, I do not wish to delve into this. I am trying to put my own miserable day behind me. To that end, Ronee and Dad are going to the mountains this weekend, and I've decided to tag along. Niles: Ah. So it'll be just two wheels and you. Frasier: What are you saying? Niles: Well, just that if Ronee and Dad are going away for the weekend, it might have been more considerate not to horn in. Frasier: I'm not horning in, they invited me. Niles: Ah. I would never dream of accepting such an obvious pity invite. Frasier: Well, you don't have to dream because they didn't invite you. CUT TO: Martin and Ronee in the kitchen. Martin: It happened so fast, then he got all excited and I didn't know what to say. Ronee: Well, how about "I was talking to the dog?" Frasier: Well, you know, the poor guy's going through a bad patch right now. He could use a little company. We don't have to spend any time with him. Ronee: Marty, you know I love Frasier, but this was supposed to be our weekend, you know, you and me alone. Martin: I know. Ronee: But hey, why stop at Frasier? Why not invite Niles and Daphne and make it a party? Niles has walked in, Ronee's back to him, just in time to hear this. Niles: We'd love to! Thank you, Ronee! Thanks, Dad! [exiting, with a taunting tone] Frasier... Ronee sighs and turns to Martin. [SCENE_BREAK] MY BROTHER'S REAPER Scene Three - The kitchen of a mountain cabin. Daphne is at the counter. Martin and Ronee are preparing to go out. Frasier enters. Frasier: Morning. Daphne: You're finally up. How'd you sleep? Frasier: Perfectly. I was borne off to dreamland by the cooing of a morning dove. Ronee: Oh, I heard that too. I think the weasels are in heat. Martin: Ronee and I are taking a walk down to the lake. Anybody interested? Frasier: Oh, no thanks, Pa. I'm fixin' to have me some vittles. Ronee: Is he going to talk hillbilly all weekend? Martin: Ah, you should have heard him the weekend of the Renaissance Faire. Frasier: See you guys later. Martin: All right. Ronee: Okay, bye. Martin and Ronee exit, leaving Frasier and Daphne alone. From this point on, it is clear that the scene is a dream sequence. Note that Daphne is wearing a lounge outfit, and is very pregnant. Frasier: Ah, Daph. You know who would have really enjoyed this trip? [wistfully] Niles. Daphne: You're right. But let's not dwell on that. We'll make our own fun. She tenderly touches his shoulder. Frasier: Right. Something smells good. Whatcha cookin'? Daphne: Sausage patties. Frasier: Oh. Hope they're hot and spicy. That's the way I like it. Daphne: I know you do. They laugh in a playful, teasing manner. Daphne: You're so different from your brother. Frasier: Really? How so? Daphne: Well, for one thing... you're alive. They both laugh heartily. Frasier: You know, I can't believe there are still people who blame me for Niles's death. Daphne: Oh, people will talk about anything. So you sliced him to ribbons with your wheat thresher. It was your first time farming, for God's sakes. Frasier nods his agreement. Daphne: What did I do with the salt? Hmmm... She turns the largest canister. Next to matching ones labeled "Flour, Sugar," etc., it clearly reads "Niles." Daphne: Maybe I left it in the dining room. She moves across the room to another cupboard and turns the smallest of another set of canisters. It is labeled "Eddie." She exits the kitchen. Daphne: [calling from behind the door] Oh, I forgot to mention... Frasier: What's that, dear? A very non-pregnant Daphne now enters in a sexy red nightie, holding a swaddled bundle. Daphne: I just had your baby. Frasier: [rising] I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. He tenderly takes the "baby" from Daphne, unceremoniously throws it on the counter, and takes her in a passionate kiss and embrace. SMASH CUT TO: a horrified Frasier waking up from his dream. He gasps and contorts his face in puzzlement over the frightening dream. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - The same kitchen Cut from the preceding. The following scene is clearly back in "reality." It is late at night, and Niles is seated at the table reading. Frasier enters. Niles: Frasier? I thought you went to bed. Frasier: I-I had a rather bizarre dream. Niles: Really? What about? Frasier: Oh... Long pause. Frasier: Well, I'm not sure you'd really want to hear about this one, Niles. Niles: Well, clearly it troubled you. It might help you to discuss it. You know how I enjoy interpreting dreams. Frasier: Mmm... Well, all right, uh... [clears throat] it took place in this very kitchen, and... I was married to Daphne and we were expecting a baby, and, uh... you were dead, and I killed you. He has now seated himself. Niles: Well, I can see how that might disturb you. Frasier: Indeed. [He sips his coffee.] Niles: A man of your intellect having such an obvious dream. Frasier: I beg your pardon? Niles: Oh, come on. You're lonely, and you envy what I have. I was just hoping for something more complex, you know, a stairway leading nowhere or Mom giving you a physical. Frasier: Well, there were many other perplexing details that I left out. For instance, uh, well there was um... a wheat thresher and... some sausage patties. And Eddie was dead, too. Niles: Ah, well, there's a real head-scratcher. Niles mockingly waves his hand next to his ear. Frasier: Well, thank you for your exhaustive analysis, Dr. Crane. Perhaps you should relocate your offices to a drive-thru so your patients could speak into a clown's nose. Niles: All right, I'm going to bed now. I was hoping this book would make me drowsy, but it looks like your dream has done the trick instead. He exits out the door Daphne used in the dream. Frasier: [calling out to him petulantly] You died tragically, and no one missed you! Frasier sips his coffee. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - KACL Frasier enters Roz's booth. Frasier: Oh, hi, Roz. Roz: Finally, your show's about to start. Frasier: I'm sorry. We just got back from the mountains this morning. Roz: Well, you're about to get all the vacation you can handle. Kenny says if you don't get a call today, you're off the air. Frasier: What?! Well, we're bound to get a call. Roz: Why? We haven't had a call in six months. It is revealed that Roz's control panel is covered in cobwebs, indicating that this is another dream. Frasier: Oh, dear. Roz: You're on! Frasier: What? He pushes a button on the cobweb-covered panel. Frasier: Hello, Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. Who's our first caller, Roz? Roz: We have no one from nowhere. Frasier: Very amusing, Roz. A phone rings. Frasier: What's that sound? Roz: It's a phone! Go get it! Hurry! Frasier: Oh! He rushes out of the booth. The studio desk is covered with phones, red and black. Frasier picks up a red one. Frasier: Hello! Hello, Seattle, I'm listening! Roz: Not that one, the black one! He tries one of the black ones. Frasier: Hello! Seattle, I'm listening. [It's not the right one.] Roz: [pointing] Right there! Frasier: [trying again] Hello! Hello, Seattle... Roz: Hurry! They're going to hang up. The multiple rings continue, raising to a pitch. Frasier keeps trying different phones. Frasier: Hello... Hello... Hello... Through the cobwebs, we see Roz decked out in a Thelma and Louise-style headscarf and sunglasses. She is behind a steering wheel mounted on the control panel. Roz: [Texas accent] If you don't find that phone, I'm driving this booth off a cliff. Frasier: [desperately trying to find the right one] Hello.... Hello.... Oh, God, I'm trying to listen... [He sobs.] SMASH CUT TO: He suddenly wakes up in his bed at the cabin. Frasier: Oh! Damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT I ACT II SWEENEY TOT Scene Six - A surreal-looking nursery, with very bright colors and loud decor. Throughout the scene, Daphne's voice is heard as through a loudspeaker/PA system. We do not see her in the course of the dream. Niles is sitting in a bright red chair near a bright green table, trying to take care of a baby. Daphne: [v.o., fade in] Niles, how's the baby? Have you fed the baby yet? Niles dutifully grabs a bottle and starts to feed. Daphne: Make sure you warm the bottle first, but not too hot. Should I come up? The bottle has become an ignited stick of dynamite in Niles's hand. He quickly tosses it back, and we hear an explosion. Niles jerks the baby up and back. Daphne: What was that? Is everything all right up there? I'm coming to check. Niles sets the baby down and takes the bottle to a warmer. Daphne: [over Niles's actions] Don't forget to burp him. If you don't burp him, he'll cry. I'd better do it myself. Here I come. Is the baby okay? What's going on? I'm on my way. Niles leans on a florescent green crib. A buzzing sound is heard. We see that Niles has set the baby on a conveyor belt and the bundle is heading toward a saw-blade, head first. He quickly saves and cuddles it. Daphne: He's going to need a new nappy, too. But don't forget your other responsibilities, Niles. There's lots of other responsibilities. Niles sets the baby down again. He goes to an oven and puts the finishing pinches on an unusually large pie, which he places in the oven over Daphne's following speech. Daphne: You have to prioritize, and the baby comes first. Is he all right? I'm coming up there. He closes the oven door and goes back to the crib. He pulls something out of the crib, but it is a bag of apples. Daphne: Make sure you support his head when you hold him. Are you doing it right? I'm coming to check. Are you ignoring me? Why don't I hear anything? Do I have to do everything around here? Realizing, Niles rushes to the oven. After the smoke clears, he removes the pie, digs into it, and pulls out the baby. Daphne: Do I smell something burning? Niles sniffs the baby. Daphne: I'm on my way. Niles sees that the bottle warmer is smoking and begins to run to it. As he does, he trips, and the baby flies into the air. When it lands, we see porcelain shatter across the floor. Daphne: What was that? I'd better not find a mess. I have enough work taking care of the baby. I can't clean up after you, too. Niles frantically begins picking up the pieces of the "baby." He sees the doorknob with child guard begin to turn. The camera focuses on his face, a picture of sheer horror. Daphne: Is everything all right in there? SMASH CUT TO: The scene cuts back to the cabin. Niles, in bed next to Daphne, awakens from his nightmare. Niles: [sitting up, gasping] I can't do it. Daphne: It's just as well, I'm too tired anyway. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - The cabin kitchen Frasier is seated, playing a chess set (the one he won from Wayne Shafter in [11.12] "Frasier-Lite"?) Daphne enters from the door she did when presenting Frasier with his child in his dream. She is dressed in the same lounge outfit as in that dream. She looks pregnant. Frasier: Oh, you couldn't sleep either? Daphne: Just thought I'd fix meself a little snack. She explores the cupboards. Frasier: Well, you're entitled, eating for two. Daphne: I had the baby five months ago. Frasier: Oh. Yes, that's right, I had Roz send you some flowers. Daphne now looks slightly larger than before as she turns around. Clearly, this is Daphne's dream. Daphne: I just have a few extra pregnancy pounds I haven't been able to lose yet. I work out every day. It's really starting to show. She is now noticeably larger in the lower half of her body. She lifts dumbbells with both arms. Frasier: Oh yes. Well done. I'll have Roz send you some flowers. Niles enters from outside in his bathrobe, accompanied by a busty blonde in a blue bikini. She is wearing a toolbelt and carrying a plunger. Niles: Excuse us. The plumber has to fix the leaky faucet in our bedroom. Daphne: Oh, sure. Go right on up. Niles leads the "plumber" by the hand through the now familiar door out of the kitchen. Daphne: Isn't he a clever one, finding a plumber at this hour? Isn't he a clever one, finding a plumber at this hour. Daphne has expanded again. She is unnaturally large, exceeding even her peak in the first part of Season Eight (a subtle reminder of that storyline?) Frasier: Yes, indeed. How fat of you to notice. A knock at the front door. Daphne answers to a gorgeous brunette in a tan bikini. She also wears a toolbelt. Daphne: Hello. Woman: I'm here about the cable problem? Daphne: Oh, I don't know anything about that. Niles: [rushing back in] I'll handle this, Darling. [suggestively] Cable's out in the bedroom. Woman: [sultry tone] Well, let's see what you've got going on in there. Niles takes her hand and beamingly leads her back. Daphne: Bless him. He's on top of everything around here. Frasier: [contemplating his chess set] You know, I really miss playing with Niles. He's so busy sleeping with other women. Daphne: What did you say? Niles: [re-entering] Have you seen Dad? Daphne has expanded yet again. She is truly huge, and her face now also shows it. Daphne: Do you still think I'm beautiful? Another busty blonde enters from another door. She wears a flannel bikini top and tight khaki shorts, and carries Martin's cane. Niles: Dad! There you are. I need to show you something in the bedroom. He takes her hand and leads her back where he took the other two. Daphne runs after him in her hot-air-balloon-like state. Daphne: Niles, wait! She tries to go through the door after them, but she cannot fit through and bounces back. She calls after Niles. Daphne: Please tell me you think I'm beautiful! Niles, answer me! Her face is now so fat that it distorts her speech. She begins to sob. SMASH CUT TO: Suddenly she awakens next to Niles. Daphne: Niles! Niles: Are you all right? Daphne: How could you?! She hits him with a pillow. Niles: I'm sorry? Daphne: You'd better be! Niles cowers. Daphne turns around and goes back to sleep. [SCENE_BREAK] IT'S ENOUGH TO WAKE THE DAD Scene Eight - The cabin kitchen Back in reality. Daphne enters from the familiar door, in the same lounge outfit. Frasier is playing chess. Daphne: [grumpily] Hello. Frasier: Hi, Daph. Daphne: What are you doing here? Frasier: Had a nightmare. Couldn't get back to sleep. Daphne: [sitting] That's strange. Niles had a nightmare, too. And I just dreamt... Frasier: [interrupting] Niles had a nightmare? Daphne: Mm-hmm. Frasier: What about? Daphne: He dropped the baby and it shattered. Frasier: [chuckling] That's perfect. Wait a minute. How did he drop it? Was it from a height? In a crowd? Was there water involved? Daphne: No, it was in the nursery. Frasier: [satisfied] Yes! Niles enters. Frasier: Oh, hi, Niles! I understand you had a bad dream. [He chuckles.] Niles: Yes, it was utterly inscrutable. There was a table saw and apple pies, and... Frasier: Spare me, Niles, you broke the baby. Now who has the obvious dreams? Niles: It was still more interesting than yours. [to Daphne] Frasier dreamed he killed me and married you. Daphne: At least he wasn't cheating on me with the service people because I was fat! Niles: Will you please stop blaming me for something I did in your dreams? Daphne: So you admit it? Niles: Daphne, Daphne, I will always find you attractive. Your dream shouldn't worry you at all, unlike mine. I could very well turn out to be a bad father. Frasier: At least you two can face your fears together. Whom do I have to hug away my nighttime terrors, hmm? Daphne: Oh, boo-hoo, send yourself some flowers. Frasier: I beg your pardon? That's a rather flippant comeback, when I express myself... Niles: [talking over him] Don't you take that tone with my wife! Daphne: He finally notices I'm in the room. They all begin to argue over each other. Martin enters in his bathrobe. Martin: What the hell is going on here? Frasier: Well, Dad, it's this infernal mountain air. It's giving us all nightmares. Martin: All of you? Frasier: Well, Daphne dreamed that she was terminally fat, Niles that he was going to be a bad parent, and... well, at least mine arose from a real problem, the fact that I will always be alone. They start to talk over him. Martin: Oh, geez, we come up here to relax, and you're arguing about your dreams? Niles: Well, dreams that reveal genuine anxieties, which... Martin: Blah, blah, blah. [to Daphne] You're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. [to Frasier] You're afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. [to Niles] You're afraid you're going to be a bad father? Join the club. Now just clam it up and go to bed. He exits. Niles: You know, I'm starting to regret inviting him up here. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Nine - The cabin living room Martin is getting a drink. The other three enter from the kitchen. It should be noted that unlike the previous scene, Martin's dressing gown is cinched up to well above his collar, obscuring his neck. Frasier: Dad, we're sorry. Niles: You were right. Daphne: Maybe we let our problems get to us a bit too much. Martin: Well, hell yes, if they're the worst of your problems, you're lucky. I've got a bullet in my hip, a girlfriend who's too good for me and might realize it any day, a dog who's pushing eighty in human years, and I'm not far behind him. But you don't hear me making a fuss, do you? Know why? 'Cause I focus on what's good about my life. You know what you people should do? Let's tell them, Ronee. Suddenly, Ronee appears behind a piano, wearing a robe. We have now entered Martin's dream. As she begins to play, he begins to sing, shedding his robe and tossing it to Frasier, Niles, and Daphne. Underneath he is now wearing a tuxedo with tails. As he starts his song, he tosses his cane like Astaire would toss his umbrella, and then catches a snappy walking stick that is tossed back to him. It becomes a full-fledged dance number. Martin: [singing] Grab your coat and get your hat Leave your worries on the doorstep Life can be so sweet On the sunny side of the street The scene darkens, and the piano accompaniment fades into a full orchestration for the transition to the next verse. Feathers pass in front of Martin's face, and they are revealed to be the hats of a group of Rockette-like dancers who accompany the rest of the number. Martin and the dancers step upon a Vegas-like stage with full lighting as the second verse begins. Martin: [singing] Can't you hear that pitter-pat? And that happy tune is your step Life can be complete On the sunny side of the street Ronee now joins him onstage wearing a ball gown. She dances with him and they sing the rest of the song together. Martin/Ronee: I used to walk in the shade With my blues on parade But I'm not afraid And this rover, crossed over They now harmonize. Martin/Ronee: If I never have a cent I'll be rich as Rockefeller Gold dust at my feet On the sunny side of the street! The number ends. Martin and Ronee bow and wave. DISSOLVE TO: the scene fades to the two of them cuddling in bed together, completely content. In his sleep, he pulls her closer, she gives a "mmm" and snuggles up to him. [N.B. "On the Sunny Side of the Street" is a jazz standard by Fields/McHugh.] [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT II [SCENE_BREAK] The family is seated at the table in the kitchen of the cabin. Eddie is accepting scraps from Martin and Frasier. He comes around the table, and Ronee brings him a full turkey on a platter, which she places in front of him on the floor. He begins to devour it. The scene fades to the same one that ended Act II, revealing Eddie at Martin's and Ronee's feet, asleep. Even he gets his turn to have a dream.

Frasier's radio show is receiving very few calls, and Niles has been losing patients and arguing with Daphne. Martin, on the other hand, is offered the chance to spend the weekend at a house in the mountains with Ronee, courtesy of her boss. They inadvertently end up inviting Frasier, Niles and Daphne to join them, and seeing the state those three are in, Martin and Ronee feel compelled not to let them down. They all go to the house determined to have a relaxing time, but once there Frasier has a nightmare in which he has murdered Niles and is married to Daphne. Soon afterwards, Niles has a nightmare about the stresses of being a father, and then Daphne also has one in which she puts on copious weight after childbirth and Niles sleeps with other women. The three of them all end up in the kitchen in the middle of the night arguing, and it falls to Martin to sort them out.

fd_Queer_As_Folk_04x01

fd_Queer_As_Folk_04x01_0

[We opens with a drag queen, Shanda Leer, singing "What I Did for Love".] Shanda Leer: # Kiss today goodbye, And point me t'ward tomorrow. We did what we had to do Won't forget, can't regret What I did for...# [Cut from Shanda Leer to Brian and Justin at the loft. Brian is going through the mail.] Brian: sh1t! It's that time of the month again. Justin: When your little friend comes to visit? Brian: When every gay charity on the f*cking planet tries to hit me up for a table at their benefit or an ad in their booklet or a sperm sample for their silent auction. Unfortunately, it's also that time of the month for my credit card bills. Justin: I've never seen so many zeroes. Brian: Except for a mixer at the Gay and Lesbian Center. Justin: How are you gonna pay for them all? Brian: How many blowjobs can you give in an hour? Justin: Not enough. Not nearly enough. Brian: I guess I'll have to come up with the cash some other way. Justin: Look, we sold almost 3,000 copies of Rage last month on the 'net last month alone. I could give you some - Brian: No. Justin: Why not? Brian: (laughs) I'm not taking your money. Justin: I thought we were partners. Brian: We are. Justin: Then why won't you let me give you the money? Brian: 'Cause I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help! What I need is - [he walks over to the liquor cart and picks up an empty bottle. Cut to the bar at Babylon, where Brian's ordering a drink.] Brian: Chivas Regal! Justin: You may be a pauper, but you drink like a prince. (to the bartender) Make it two. On me. Brian: Keep it. Justin: You won't even let me buy you a drink? [They clink glasses.] Brian: I can still afford to tie one on without any assistance from you. [Brian takes Justin by the arm. They continue their conversation in the backroom.] Justin: Brian, I don't know what the f*ck your problem is. You help everyone! Liberty Avenue would be a police state if it wasn't for you. And now, when you need help - Hey Todd, how's it going? [Todd get f*cked in the backroom of Babylon - like in Season 1 and Season 3] Todd: Fine! Justin: (momentarily confused) Where was I? Brian: Umm... When I need help? Justin: Right. You won't take it. You wanna know why that is? Brian: Pourquoi? Justin: Because you always have to be the one in charge. The one who's in control, the one who's on top. Brian: Mmm-hmm. You got it. [He turns Justin around to face the wall and pulls down his pants.] [And a big fat Bronx cheer for Rita Montgomery, who shows up in the next scene to threaten Ben.] Rita: So where is he this time? Huh? Movies, Little League? Ben: Look, I told you -- Rita: Yeah, yeah, I know, you don't have a clue. Like I believe that! Ben: I don't care what you believe. He took off. It's not exactly the first time he's run away, is it? So I'd say it's safe to assume he's back on the streets. Rita: What about your little boyfriend? Huh? He doesn't seem to be around either! Ben: He's gone to find him. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a class. Rita: Oh, and I have a custody hearing on Tuesday. And if Jimmy's not there, I'm gonna have the cops all over your little boyfriend's ass! You hear me? Cause keeping a kid away from his mom? That's called contributing to the delinquency of a minor. And if he took him, that's called kidnapping. I could have him arrested. Ben: You wouldn't do that. Rita: You're a smart guy, Professor. You figure out how many years your little sweetie'd be locked up for. [Back to Mel & Lindz. Mel's going through the mail which is full of solicitations for fundraisers.] Mel: Angels over Pittsburgh, the Suizzies Hotline, Transgender Shelter. Jesus we must need money to go to all of them. Lindsay: Look, I get it to. Mel: If we get any more, somebody's going to have to throw us a benefit. [Enter Emmett, looking pretty chipper, all things considered.] Emmett: Hi girls. I would love to smu, but I get slip into a hot bath and dressed and out being five. Lindsay: Got a hot date? Emmett: From your lips to the gay gods ears. No, Vic and I invent a fundraiser for HIV positive. Mel: Another benefit, when does it ever end? Emmett: Well if we don't take care of each other, who will? [Then he notices a rather droopy orchid on the table] Emmett: Honey, Ted had an orchid who look just like that. He used to tell them Droopy. Mel: Say hello to Droopy. Emmett: What are you doin' with it? Lesbians are notories by having her own farns. Mel: He called us to take care of his mail... Lindsay: ... and take care of his plants. Emmett: He off to the Black and Blue party in Sardinia? Mel: He is in rehab. Lindsay: He checked himself in. We though about visit him. Mel: How about coming with us? Emmett: I can't - benifit. Mel: It must not be tonight. Emmett: I'm really busy. Mel: I'm sure he can use our support. Emmett: What an interesting thing coming from you, Mel! You were the first to condemn him and now you're his cheerleader. Mel: He's trying to help himself. Lindsay: Isn't that what you wanted? [Cut to Mikey and Hunter in a motel room somewhere out in Nowhere.] Michael: Think you can leave on something longer than 1 second? Hunter: What different would it make? It's all sh1t! Michael: Borrow me your chips. Hunter: To eat? With Captain Crunch? The chips are sealed. Michael: I had a whole bag on... Hunter: So how much longer we have to stay here? Michael: You see what's goin on outside? It's practically a monsoon. Hunter: Why we head up to Mexico? Go and become a drug lords. What do you say? Michael: Why do I bother? Hunter: Well, you came up with some brilliant plan. Michael: Better soon, we ran out of cash fast. Hunter: You have a credit card. Michael: When I use it they can track us. [Mikey's cellphone rings. Hunter grabs it.] Michael: It's Ben. Hunter: Dude! What's up? Ben: Hey, pal. How's goin'? Hunter: We're stuck in a shithole motel in the pouring rain down to our last Cheeto, but other than that, life is beautiful. [Mikey grabs the phone back.] Michael: Ben? Ben: Michael? Michael, are you ok? Michael: Fine. We're both fine. Ben: Listen, Hunter's mom came by again. Michael: What you tell her? Ben: That he ran away and you looking for him and... she didn't believe me. Now, she's running that you arrest it. Michael: For what? Ben: Kidnapping. Contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Michael: Can she do that? Ben: All I know is, she can make a lot of trouble for all of us. That is why you have to come back. Michael: I told you, I'm not gonna let her take him! Ben: You can't just hide out forever! Michael: I'll be OK. Ben: Please. Tell me where you are. Michael: I don't want you to get into trouble or hafta lie. [Hangs up] Ben: Oh, dammit, Michael! Mike - Michael? Michael: (to Hunter) Where you going? Hunter: To get us something to eat before we starve to death! [Hunter strides off into the pouring rain leaving Michael leaning in the motel doorway.] [Lunchtime at the Diner. Brian, Ben, Mel and Lindz are in a booth. Justin is in the booth behind Brian. Debbie's wearing a "f*ck Yoga" t-shirt.] Debbie: It's three days, three fuckin' days and not one f*cking word! Lindsay: Deb, I got the tuna melt. Ben: And I got the turkey wrap. Debbie: Except for this strange, cryptic message, "Don't worry, Ma, I'm alright!" Justin: Doesn't sound strange or cryptic to me! [Brian laughs.] Debbie: Well, you're not a mother! Ben: I just talked to him, Debbie, and he's alright. Debbie: He's not alright! A mother can always read between the lines! It's the first time since Michael learned how to pick up a phone that we haven't talked three times a day! Justin: (incredulously) Three? Brian: I know, it explains so much. Debbie: Ben, honey, next time you talk to him, would you please tell him I love him up to the sky and back. Ben: Sure, Debbie Debbie: - and if he's not back here pronto, I'm gonna rip his balls off! Mel: I make a few phone calls about that custody hearing and we see what I can do. Ben: Thank you, that'll be great. [Deb hands out the checks to everyone but Brian.] Brian: Hey Deb, where's mine? Debbie: Don't you worry about it, honey, you can settle up later, after you're back on your feet, baby. [Brian grabs everybody's checks, ignoring their protests.] Brian: Lunch is on me. Justin: Brian. Brian: Isn't it allowed to treat me friends? Lindsay: Brian, it's okay. Mel: We can handle it. Ben: Yeah, as soon as you get another job. Brian: By 4:30 this afternoon, I intend to be reinstated at my former position and with a sizable raise. Justin: Vance asked you back? Lindz: Brian, that's great! Brian: I'm gonna try and be gracious about it for as long as I possibly can, then I'm gonna stick it to the m*therf*cker. Keep the change, Deb. [Shanda Leer.] Shanda Leer: # There'll be a change in the weather And a change in the scene How is that? I'm gonna start wearin' leather And change my routine [We cut to Ted. Ted speaking to Group at the Rehab Center - Blake is sitting at his side.] Ted: I uh, crashed... and cames out for three days. When I came to me the party still goin'. The party was always goin' on. The guys were downstairs, watching p0rn. And they were really into it. It was hot. So I go down. And that's when I saw the guy in the video... the guy who's goin' gangbanged... [long pause] It was me. That's how I uncontroll I was. God knows if they were using condoms. I don't know, I'll have to take a test. I don't feel very optimistic. That's when I knew if I didn't come here I could be dead. [After the meeting. Ted and Blake walk out into the hall together.] Blake: I know how hard that was for you. Just remember, nobody was judging you, because we've all been there. Ted: Well, your being there made it a whole lot easier. In fact, I keep thinking, if all this hadn't happened, if I hadn't come stumbling through that door, we might not ever have seen each other again. [Blake doesn't say anything, but his expression seems a bit strained.] Ted: So, you wanna grab some lunch? Blake: Yeah, lemme just check my messages and I'll meet you in the lounge. [Blake leaves to go to the cafeteria. Ted glances over at the front office and Emmett is standing there. Steeling himself, Ted puts on his game face and goes over to greet Emmett.] Ted: Well, this is a surprise! Thought they outlawed shock therapy! Emmett: Hello, Teddy. Ted: How did you find me? I hope I didn't end up in the paper again. Emmett: No, Mel and Linds says you checked yourself in. Ted: I knew they couldn't keep their mouth shut. Emmett: I'm happy - if that's the word - that you're here. Ted: Nothing like a little R&R at a cozy little B&B! Emmett: So - how long are you - uh -? Ted: Not long, not long at all. Feeling good as new already. They tell me I'm making remarkable progress. Emmett: Glad to hear it. Just be careful. You don't want to rush it or - Ted: Or what? Emmett: Nothing. Ted: Or I'll wind up using again, is that what you were gonna say? Emmett: All I meant was, be careful not to take the cupcakes out of the oven till they're done! Ted: (sarcastically) Well, isn't that profound! In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a cupcake. OK? And I have no intention of winding up back here, in the losers' lounge. Emmett: I didn't come here to upset you. Ted: Then why did you? To see for yourself how far I've sunk? Emmett: No. Ted: I told Mel and Lindsay I didn't want anyone visiting! Emmett: Since when am I anyone? [Enter Blake, carrying a tray of lunch. There's a strained silence.] Ted: Blake, you remember...? Blake: Emmett? Of course. Emmett: Back again or haven't you ever left? Ted: Blake isn't a patient. He's a substance abuse counselor and a damn good one! Emmett: Well, if anyone knows his stuff, it's you! Ted: He's been amazing. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been here. Emmett: Well, I just came to make sure you're alright and it seems like you are - so - [Shanda Leer sings "Cry Me A River."] Shanda Leer: # Now you say you're sorry For being so untrue- # [Brian and Gardner Vance.] Gardner: You look great. Whiskey? Brian: Little bit early for happy hour. Gardner: You're here - I'm happy. So did you hear the news? Stockwell was indicated for the coverup of that young man's murder. Mayor Deekins has demanded his resignation. Brian: My, how the mighty have fallen. Gardner: Damn lucky for Vanguard he didn't bring us down with him. Brian: Mmm-hmm Gardner: So...name your price! Brian: For what? Gardner: To come back, of course! We need you here. I need you here! Brian: I don't know, Gardner. It's not just a matter of the money. There are - other issues. A Jacuzzi in my private bathroom. An unlimited expense account. Loyalty! Gardner: I give you my word. And my handshake. [Gardner sticks out his hand. Brian hesitates, then shakes it.] Gardner: Now I just need you to sign this. [He whips out a paper. Brian skims it, then laughs.] Brian: Non-competition clause. Gardner: It's just a formality. Brian: So this is why you wanted me back? Afraid I was gonna raid the pantry? And here I thought it was me that you didn't want to lose! Gardner: You're not giving yourself enough credit. Brian: I'm giving myself ALL the credit. I brought in ALL of the major accounts. I created their campaigns. I convinced the world they couldn't live without their products. And they would leave with me faster than a ten second spot. But if I sign this, they'd all be off-limits. I wouldn't count my clients before they're snatched! [Brian walks out.] [Cut to Michael, talking to the cashier at a truck stop diner.] Michael: He's 16, he's tall, skinny, he's got long, dirty blond hair, he's got a bit of an attitude. Cashier: I haven't seen him. Sorry. [Mikey walks out into the parking lot just in time to see Hunter getting out of the cab of an 18-wheeler.] Michael: Hunter! Where the f*ck have you been? I've been looking all over for you! Hunter: C'mon. Dinner's on me. (He waves a bill in Mikey's face.) Michael: Where did you get that? How many truckers did you have to f*ck to get it? Hunter: Just one! And it was only a blowjob. Michael: (sarcastically) That's a relief. How COULD you? Hunter: How could I what? We're broke. Isn't that what you said? Michael: OK, that's it. Let's go. Hunter: (hopefully) To Mexico? Michael: To Pittsburgh. Hunter: No way, you promised! Michael: I'm breaking it. Now c'mon! Hunter: Get the f*ck off me! Michael: Listen, you little asshole. I risked EVERYTHING for you! Now you're gonna do what I tell you. We're gonna go back and fight and then we're gonna try to turn you into a normal human being which - at the moment? Flapping my arms and flying to the moon seems like a better bet. MOVE IT! [They're going back to Pittsburgh.] [Meanwhile, back at the rehab, Ted is scrubbing floors. Blake approaches just as Ted is sniping at somebody for messing up his floor.] Ted: What do they think I'm doing this for, MY HEALTH? Blake: Actually, you are. Ted: I wonder if they made Elizabeth Taylor do this. Blake: Absolutely. In her diamonds. Ted: Well, maybe I'd feel better about it if I was wearing a 600 carat choker! Blake: I'll pick one up for you while I'm out. Ted: Sorry. Just feeling a little - Blake: Upset? Ted: Constipated, actually Blake: I know what you're going through. It wasn't that long ago I was going through it myself. Ted: Yeah, I know. I remember bringing you here and I came back to see you and - Blake: And I was gone. It wasn't very nice of me. Ted: It was fuckin' shitty. I cared about you. I more than cared about you. Blake: I know. I know - that's why I had to leave. Ted: (sarcastically) To spare me the pain? Blake: And myself. From you seeing me that way. Ted: Well, now it's my turn. I'm down on my hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. While they all come and gawk so they can feel superior - like Emmett! Blake: I'm sure he felt just as uncomfortable as you did. Ted: It takes something like this for a person to reveal his true colors, huh? At least I have you. And you're the only one who knows how it feels, what it's like. Blake: (Slightly uncomfortable) I have to go. Ted: A hot date? Blake: Actually, yeah. We're going to see "Lucia". Ted: Oh, that's nice. I didn't know that you like opera. Blake: Thanks to you, I'm hooked. Ted: Well, at least that's one addiction you don't have to go to rehab for, right? [Next scene: Hunter, Mikey and Ben's reunion. Hugs all around.] Ben: [to Michael] I missed you so much. Michael: Me to. Hunter: Hey, what about with me? Ben: Come here, pal. You behave yourself? Michael: He was a perfect angel. Hunter: I was a perfect dangel. [Michael returns the car to Brian. It looks like he drove it to Afghanistan and back. Brian is not pleased.] Brian: At least it's still in one piece. Michael: You'll be happy to know Hunter and I are both OK, too. Brian: (picking up a wrapping) What's this? Michael: Burger box. Brian: You ATE in my car? Michael: We were in a hurry to get home. We didn't wanna stop. Brian: So you turned my car into a recycling bin. Christ! It's like that time in the 7th grade when I lent you my brand-new ten speed. You brought it back, The front fender was crushed, my seat was torn - Michael: I was hit by a bus! [Brian is like - "and your point is?"] Brian: Well, this is the last time I ever loan you - [Michael interrupts him with a kiss.] Brian: What was that for? Michael: For giving me the wheels for no good reason other than - you love me. Brian: You're pathetic and so is this car. I haven't enough time to get washed. How do I look? Michael: Like a million bucks! Brian: Don't sell me short. Wish me luck! Michael: You don't need it. [Shanda Leer sings] Shanda Leer: # But I can't see a thing in the sky 'Cause I only have eyes for you # Brian: Because I consider you to be my most important client... Because I regard you as my most valuable account... Because no one's close personal friendship means more to me than yours... Brian: I wanted you to be the first to know... I'm starting my own agency! Woman: That's great news, Brian. Men#1: Well, congratulations, Brian. Men#2: Way to go, partner. Brian: It's a big step, I know, ...but I'm confident that by focusing on a small,... select list of clients,... I can still provide the same innovative campaigns you've come to expect... but with the personal attention only a boutique operation can offer. Woman: Sounds like a hell of a plan. Men#1: If anyone can pull us off Brian, you can. Men#2: I like what I'm hearing, partner. [Dinner Chez Novotny. Ben, Michael, Vic, Deb and Hunter.] Debbie: Wanna pass the suice, sweety? Michael: Sure, mom. [whispers to Ben] She's pissed. She's waiting for the right moment to whapp me. [It knocks on the door. ] Debbie: Right there! Vic: Well, you sit down and finish eating. Look who's here. Debbie: Jesus Christ, what the hell are you supposed to be? Mel: I'm Mother Superior. Lindsay: And I'm Friedrich. Vic: I can only dream what perverse go on on your house. Ben: Let me guess. The theme was "Sound of Music". Lindsay: It was a benefit. Mel: Hunter, I mean Jimmy. You sure to cash? Debbie: You short of cash, honey? Vic, get the tea kettle. Lindsay: No, it has to come from Hunter. Hunter: What for? Mel: I can represent you by the hearing to pay me before the relationship is official. So, what do you say? Hunter: f*ck, yeah. Ben (to Michael): See I told you we should do this the right way. Deb: Yeah, instead of running off without telling your mother! [She smacks Mikey upside the head.] Michael: (to Ben) I told you! Ben: [laughs] Yes, you did. [Brian and Justin are sitting at the bar at Woody's.] Justin: By the time you're done decimating his client list, Vance will be asking you for a job! Brian: We'll see. Justin: Stop being modest. Brian: I was aiming for smug. Justin: How do you like the name I picked out for your new agency? Brian: Kin-net-ic. Justin: With two "n's." Brian: That's clever! Justin: It's genius! [They smile at each other. Brian pulls Justin close and hugs him.] [Emmett is also at Woody's sitting alone at a table, looking morose.] Guy: Excuse me but if no one's sitting here, I was wondering - Emmett: I'm very flattered you should ask, so don't take this the wrong way - but f*ck off! Guy: I was gonna ask you if I could borrow the stool - asshole! [Brian and Justin approach Emmett's table.] Brian: Buy you a drink? Emmett: (not looking up, starts the same spiel) Look, I'm very flattered you should ask, don't take - (looks up) Hello, boys. Brian: Sorry, I mistook you for my friend, Emmett Honeycutt. Justin: We're going to Babylon, wanna come? Emmett: I'm not really in the mood for men, muscles and music. I'd rather stay here and get shitfaced. Brian: You passed shitfaced about ten miles back. Emmett: So I've had a few cocktails! Does that qualify me for rehab? Besides, I've already been there! Justin: Did you see Ted? Emmett: And you'll never guess who's there with him! Brian: Liza? Justin: Robert Downey Jr.! Brian: Ben Affleck. Justin: Matthew Perry. Emmett: Blake! The tweaked out twinky! Isn't that great? Brian: Well, some assholes never learn! Emmett: Oh, no no no, he's learned! He's even gotten a degree! He's a drug abuse counselor! A few days in Dr.Boytoy's care and Mr. Schmidt's as good as new! Let's have a drink to his remarkable recovery. Shall we? [Ben/Michael s*x scene. In their bedroom. Ben starts teasing Michael by playing with one of his hotspots.] Michael: Stop it. You get never enough? That'll make three. Ben: Got I missed kissing you, holding you. What? Michael: You are so beautiful. Ben: You're kinda cute yourself. Michael: Sometimes I wonder why you love me. Ben: What are you talking about? Michael: I feel like a such an idiot, running off with Hunter. I should stay here like you've said. Instead putting everybody into "Mikey and Hunter's Excellent Adventure." It wasn't cool, it was so immature. And what kind of message will give that to a kid? Ben: Well, what you're do was incredibly. Michael: It was? Ben: Not only I do admire you for all the balls to do it. I'm actually a kind of jealous. Michael: Jealous? Ben: Mmmh, how you broughed you home. I wouldn't call that immature. I would call that...love. [SCENE_BREAK] [Justin lets himself into the loft. Brian has a visitor. It's - Jennifer! Jen: It's a special place. Brian: Special as in unique, fabulous, one-of-a-kind or special as in there are schools where they can teach them to dress themselves? Justin: Mom. Jen: Hi, honey. Brian: Hi, honey! [They smile at each other.] Jen: I mean special as in it's for a certain kind of person, a person who has no children, who's single, a person who - let's face it, Brian, it's a fuckpad! Justin: Mom. What are you doing here? Brian: So how much do you think I can get for it? Justin: Get for what? Brian: I'm selling the loft. Justin: What? Brian: It was either cut my expenses or cut my wrists, so I just opted for the tidier of the two. Jen: Listen, I'll call you later with some comps. We can set a price. (To Justin) Bye darling ...and I won't be charging commission. After all you've done for Justin, it's the least I can do. [Exit Jennifer] Justin: You're not selling your loft! It's your home. Brian: Not for long. Justin: I thought you were starting your own agency, that your clients were gonna go with you. Brian: Yeah, well, they turned me down. The best laid plans of mice and ad men. Justin: There has to be a better way. A loan! Brian: $100,000 in debt and unemployed? I'm not exactly a very good risk. Justin: Get a job at another agency. Brian: Yeah. I do have an offer. It's in Scranton. It's at half my salary. Justin: Christ. You never should have listened to me. Brian: I didn't. I listened to me. Besides, it's just four walls and a floor. And top of the line appliances and stainless steel countertops and imported Italian fixtures and - Justin: It's more than that. It's where we made love for the first time. Brian: That wasn't love. I just gave you a rim job and f*cked your brains out. Justin: It was love to me. [Cut to a hungover Emmett sitting in Deb and Vic's kitchen, flinching as Vic is cracking crab shells with a mallet.] Emmett: Vic? VIC! Do you have to do that? Vic: I guess we gave give our guest a claw and a straw or they can suck to be out. Emmett: All we need is a a dwell or a gun. Vic: Someone had to many last night. How about I wash the greens gently? Where is the f*cking strainer? I can't find a thing in this goddamn kitchen! [Deb goes through the mail.] Debbie: What's the matter with my goddamn kitchen? Vic: We had all when we are over to Ted. Debbie: Then go to Ted's! Vic: We can't go to Ted's? Emmett: Would you please...? Make a list and I get everything up. Debbie: [mouth to Vic] What's wrong with him? Vic: [mouths back] Ted. Debbie: Open a new Q-Mart. Fundraiser for the Senator. Christ, another one? Oh, look Vic, you got a postcard - from "Michaelangelo." Emmett: That must've been lost in the mail a long time. Vic: Actually, it's somebody I met at a "faerie gathering." Emmett: The Tony Awards? Vic: It's a group of gay men who get together to rediscover our spirit of joy - Debbie: - and get laid in the bushes. Vic: Michaelangelo isn't his real name. It's his faerie name. We all have one. Mine was - Debbie: Cherub! Vic: I went right after I was diagnosed. I was devastated. I didn't know how I was going to go on. So I swallowed my skepticism. It turned out to be one of the most healing experiences of my life. Debbie: You know honey, maybe that's what you need. Emmett: Running around in the woods with a bunch of fairies? Thanks, but I'll stick to Advil. [Cut to Justin with Mel and Lindz, who's pushing Gus in a stroller.] Lindsay: [reading the headlines] "Stockwell indicted." Seeing a headline like that restores my faith in humanity. Justin: We all have Brian to thank. Lindsay: Well, he's the Wizard of Oz! Justin: There wasn't any wizard. There isn't any Concerned Citizens for the Truth. Brian paid for that commercial against Stockwell himself. Lindsay: What? Mel: You're kidding! Justin: Now he's $100K in debt. He has to sell off everything he owns, even the loft! Mel: I never dreamed I'd be saying this, but I wish there was something we could do. Justin: I tried offering him the money I made from Rage but he wouldn't take it. Lindsay: He's too proud for that. Justin: So what are we supposed to do? Stand around and watch while he loses everything? Lindsay: It's his choice. Justin: It's his choice? That's it? I thought you cared about him. Lindsay: I do! But I also know Brian would never be beholden to anyone. [They go on walking.] [Cut to Courtroom scene. Rita and her lawyer square off against Ben, Michael, Hunter and Mel. ] CHL: You have in front of you, Your Honor, a copy of Mrs. Montgomery's social worker's report, psychological evaluation, testimony from her new employer, lease for her apartment rental and an approved credit card application. Hunter: Did they include a Girl Scout badge? [Mikey, Ben and Mel shush the impudent youngster.] CHL: Hopefully after reviewing these documents, Your Honor will concur that Mrs. Montgomery has taken admirable initiative in overcoming severe hardship so that James may be returned to her care. Hunter: Mind if I heave? Mel: [shush to Hunter] Don't say another word. Your Honor, I don't mean to diminish Rita Montgomery's admirable initiative, but you'll also find another set of documents, including her arrest for stabbing her husband, testimony from neighbors recounting her repeated drug abuse, as well as a statement from her own son describing how she forced him from the age of 12 into acts of prostitution. Rita: That's not... that's not true! Hunter: The f*ck is it. Judge: Young men, please allowed your lawyer speek for you. That's what she's being paid for. Hunter: Yeah, a buck. Mel: Now she wants him back. I contend that Rita Montgomery is unfit to be James' mother. It would be detrimental to his physical and emotional well-being to be returned to her so-called care. CHL: Your Honour, May I...? Judge: No, Mr.Landby, we're not. I'll be examine the documents in my chambers. I call a 15 minute recess. Officer: All rise! [Emmett returns to Ted's apartment to get pots and pans.] Emmett: Strainer. Strainer. Ted: Under the sink... [It comes from the living room.] Emmett: Jesus, f*cking Mary and Joseph! You scared the sh1t out of me! Ted: Sorry. Emmett: Since when are you back? Vic needed some things and - Ted: Don't mind me. Just take whatever you want. Emmett: What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in rehab? Ted: Rehab? I left. Emmett: Kudos to your counselor. Must be the fastest cure on record. Ted: Well, with the cost of health care these days, they don't like you to linger too long. In fact, they're thinking of putting in a drive-through window. You don't think that's funny? Drive-through window? Emmett: Yeah, Teddy, a real scream. I don't know when I've had more laughs than with you. Ted: Well you must feel real good that the last one's on me. How I've managed to totally f*ck up my life? Emmett: Sorry! Don't plan pity parties! Ted: I'm not asking for your pity. I'm just stating a fact. Emmett: Well, then here's another one. You're not gonna get better sitting on the sofa. So why don't you take your sardonic wit and your superior "I'm not like those other losers" attitude and get your ass back there! Ted: So they can fix me? It's too late. I'm beyond repair. I have nothing. No future, no friends, no job, no lover, what's the point? I might as well be dead. Emmett: Then do it. Ted: What? Emmett: I said, then do it. Go on, kill yourself. You'd be doing us all a favor. Only don't be a man about it. Be a queen. [Emmett turns on the stereo.] Emmett: A little mood music. Here [hands Ted a letter opener] - it's not quite a dagger, but it'll do in a pinch. Go on! You can finally be Maria Callas. Plunge it in your heart like Tosca! Ted: Tosca didn't stab herself, she jumped off a roof! Emmett: Even better. Feel free to scream or sing as loud as you want. Because nobody's listening. [Emmett flounces out. ] [Now back to the courtroom for Hunter's custody hearing.] Judge: Having reviews all the documents there is no doubt Mrs.Montgomery that alcohol and drugs abuse as well as violiated homelife made you fit to give your son a proper care he deserved. Still there is an indication that you made break free from your past. It is also my overwhelming personal feeling that a child should belong where it's matched to their parent as long as the parent can't prevent a safe enviroment. This court is willing to giving you a second change by granting the custody of James. [to Hunter] I hope you will also give your mother a second chance. Hunter: It's no way helling to give her that. Judge: If you don't, young men, I'll be forced to hold you even contempt. This court is ajourned. Mel: I'm so sorry. [Rita comes over, trying to talk to Hunter.] Rita: Jimmy, I promise everything's gonna be better from now on. Hunter: Sure would, mom. [Hunter kisses her on the mouth. A big wet one.] Hunter: I forgot to tell you - I'm HIV positive. Rita: It's not very funny, Jimmy. Hunter: It's true - ask them! Ben: It's true. [Rita wipes her mouth.] Rita: You f*cking dirty little faggot! What the f*ck - you're trying to give it to me? [The judge, who must realize that she f*cked up.] Judge: Miss Marcus, Mister Landers, may I see you? [Cut to Brian and Justin walking down Liberty Avenue.] Justin: My mom told me there's someone who's interested in buying the loft. Brian: A couple of designer fairies who can't wait to turn it into a Moroccan bordello. [They stop in front of Woody's.] Justin: Hey, let's grab a drink. Brian: Nope - better read the fine print. Another f*cking benefit. Wonder what the worthy cause is this time? Send a tranny to summer camp? Justin: C'mon. [Inside, Shanda Leer is singing.] Shanda Leer: # What I Did for Love. What I Did for Love. # Brian: Some suckers just cannot wait to give their money away. Justin: It's for a worthy cause. [Vic with his boyfriend Rod ney, Deb, Em, Ben, Michael, and yes - Hunter too!, Lindz and Mel. ] Brian: What the f*ck's going on here? Lindsay: We're having a little fundraiser for a very special organization. Perhaps you've heard of them? Concerned Citizens For the Truth? You see, they've made a very significant contribution to our community. They've helped us. And now we hear they're in need of - well, a little help themselves. So we, the community, would like to give something back. It may not be all that they need - but it's a start. We're hoping you'll accept this on their behalf. [Applause. Lindsay hands Brian an envelope. He hesitates.] Lindsay: C'mon, open it. [Brian looks around, then opens the envelope. There's a little smile on his face, but he's also clearly struggling with his pride. He's obviously touched, but something in him resists the idea of a "handout." ] Brian: Umm..I've only known the Concerned Citizens for the Truth for a short time but I've known them long enough to know that they don't like to accept handouts - charitable donations. But I guess this time I'm just gonna have to tell them that once in a while we could all use a little help and they're just gonna have to swallow their f*cking pride and say - thank you. [His voice breaks a little on the "thank you." More applause. Hugs all around.] Shanda Leer: # It's Gonna be a Great Day # Angels in the sky Promise that be by and by There's gonna be a great day Hunter: The night's still young. Whaddaya say we hit some after-hours clubs? Michael: Excuse me, young man? Ben: You've got school tomorrow. Hunter: Christ, don't tell me you're gonna turn into my goddam parents. Mel: Hey, you heard what the judge said. You can live with Michael and Ben provided you stay on your best behavior. Lindsay: And we're gonna keep an eye on you just to make sure you do. [Also leaving Woody's: Deb, Vic and Emmett.] Debbie: Well, I knew I'd live long enough to see gay marriages, but I never thought I'd live to Brian Kinney accept help - and say thank you! Vic: I thought I even saw a tear in his eye. [to Emmett] Didn't you? Debbie: Honey, what's wrong? That famous flame of yours is just about out. Vic: What you can need a gentle sprinkling of Fairy Dust. [Brian and Justin.] Justin: Hey Shanda, the charity was great tonight. Shanda: It's what I do for love. Justin: Now you and half of gay Pittsburgh can sleep soundly in your bed tonight, knowing the loft is still yours. Brian: Half of gay Pittsburgh can sleep soundly in their own bed. [He kisses Justin on the cheek. But then - we see Darren, a/k/a Shanda Leer, leaving Woody's.] Man#1: Hey, here comes on. Man#2: Hey faggot! [Gay bashing just out of earshot of all our boyz and girlz - who walk along in ignorance of what's happening so close to them. Intercutting scenes of our cast laughing, unawares - and of Shanda Leer's earlier performance with clips of Darren being hit and kicked. Finally, Darren is left unconscious on the ground as the episode closes - no music playing, just the sound of the street, traffic, etc.]

Brian is deep in debt and faces giving up the lifestyle to which he's grown accustomed. Michael and Hunter return to Pittsburgh to face the custody hearing. Emmett visits Ted in rehab.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_16x13

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_16x13_0

THE ANDROIDS OF TARA BY: DAVID FISHER Part One Running time: 24:53 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Rook to bishop's four. DOCTOR: I saw Capablanca make that move against Alekhine in 1927. K9: He lost, master. DOCTOR: Who? K9: Capablanca. DOCTOR: Are you sure? K9: Master, I have been programmed with all the Championship games since 1866. Capablanca lost. DOCTOR: I must have been called away. Are you really sure? K9: King to knight's two. DOCTOR: King to knight's two. King? That's a terrible move. You've weakened the king's side. K9: Clock, master. DOCTOR: I know, I know. I'll check your programming sometime. We're not supposed to be playing draughts, you know. K9: Master. ROMANA: What are you doing, Doctor? DOCTOR: Shush. We're playing chess. ROMANA: Yes, I can see that, but aren't you forgetting something? DOCTOR: I don't think so. ROMANA: What about our task? The Key to Time, remember? DOCTOR: Oh, that old thing. ROMANA: Yes, that old thing. The Guardian did stress the need for urgency, didn't he? DOCTOR: Shush. ROMANA: I'll do it. DOCTOR: If you must. DOCTOR: I just feel I deserve a little break. After all, we've got half the segments. I prefer to play chess. ROMANA: Really. Materialisation in fifteen seconds. Mate in twelve. K9: Correction, mistress. Eleven. ROMANA: Eleven? Oh yes. Sorry, K9. K9: Apologies are unnecessary, mistress. DOCTOR: Mate in eleven? Oh yes, oh yes. Well, that's the trouble with chess, isn't it. It's all so predictable. ROMANA: Materialisation commencing now. Five, four, three, two, one. ROMANA: Was that smooth enough for you, Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? ROMANA: I said, was that smooth enough? DOCTOR: Mate in eleven? What, have we arrived? Oh good. Where? ROMANA: Tara. DOCTOR: Tara? ROMANA: Earth-type gravity, oxygen atmosphere, climate, temperate. DOCTOR: Ah. Peaceful looking place. That shouldn't give you too much trouble. ROMANA: Me? DOCTOR: I think it's rather beautiful, don't you? Very good for. Yes, I think it would be. ROMANA: What? DOCTOR: Shouldn't you be getting changed? ROMANA: Oh yes, all right. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: Tara, Tara. Tahiti? ROMANA: No. Tally ho. Tara! [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA (OOV.): What are you looking for? DOCTOR: Well, it's in here somewhere. ROMANA (OOV.): I said, what are you looking for? DOCTOR: Aha! Aha! Goody. Gosh, that takes me back. DOCTOR: Or forward. That's the trouble with time travel, you can never remember. ROMANA (OOV.): What is it? DOCTOR: Last time I used this, I was with Isaak Walton. Yes. Yes, it's all here. ROMANA: Well, how do you like it? Good. According to our records, it's what everyone on Tara's wearing this year. Isn't that right, K9? K9: Affirmative. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: Aha. DOCTOR: Aha. ROMANA: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Fishing. ROMANA: Fishing? What's fishing? DOCTOR: Fishing? It's an art, worthy of the knowledge and practise of a wise man. Isaak Walton ROMANA: Look, we haven't got time for you to practise anything. We've got to find the fourth segment. DOCTOR: You find it. I'm taking the day off. ROMANA: The day off? DOCTOR: Yes. After a journey of four hundred years and twelve parsecs, I'm allowed a rest of fifty years. ROMANA: Where does it say that? DOCTOR: Section ninety three, paragraph two, laws governing Time Lords. You look it up. Go on. ROMANA: What? You just made that up. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: But you can't just spent the fifty years fishing. DOCTOR: Well, of course not. I'd get bored. I just propose to spend the next couple of hours fishing. ROMANA: But what about the fourth segment? DOCTOR: You get it. ROMANA: Right, I will. DOCTOR: Yes, you do that. It's a lovely day, beautiful countryside. The walk will do you good. ROMANA: Thank you. DOCTOR: Would you just mind standing aside, please? You're casting a shadow. It frightens the fish. ROMANA: Frightens the fish. Look, I'm going to get that fourth segment and I'll be back here in under an hour. You be ready to leave. DOCTOR: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] GRENDEL: Here, beast! GRENDEL: It's incredible! ROMANA: I don't know how to thank you. If you hadn't have come along when you did, that beast would have got me. What's your name? GRENDEL: My name? Er, you're not damaged in any way? ROMANA: No, no, I just stumbled slightly, that's all. GRENDEL: Your head isn't injured? ROMANA: No, I don't think so. There's no harm done. I'm sorry if you're somebody frightfully important, but I'm a stranger here, you see. My name's Romana. GRENDEL: Ah, the fair Romana. That's a pretty name. ROMANA: Thank you. Tell me, are there many creatures like that around here? I understood that the fauna of Tara were supposed to be friendly. GRENDEL: I always keep some beasts in my woods to hunt, but they don't usually attack people unless they're frightened in some way. ROMANA: Your woods? GRENDEL: Yes. These are part of the estates of Gracht. What a curiously shaped stone. ROMANA: Yes. GRENDEL: Oh, have you hurt your ankle? ROMANA: No, no, it's nothing, really. Could I have my stone, please? GRENDEL: Of course, as soon as its been registered. ROMANA: Registered? GRENDEL: Yes. Do you not know the law? ROMANA: No. As I said, I'm a stranger here. GRENDEL: The law decrees that all minerals, particularly unusual ones like of this kind, must be registered with the Knight of Castle Gracht. ROMANA: Who's that? GRENDEL: Me. I am Count Grendel, Knight of Gracht, Master of the Sword. ROMANA: Oh, I see. GRENDEL: What's happened to the statue? ROMANA: Is it important? GRENDEL: Only to superstitious fools. ROMANA: Oh? GRENDEL: It's our family emblem. At least, it was. It's supposed to guard our fortunes. How very odd. ROMANA: Look, I'm sorry, but I really must GRENDEL: It's of no importance. What is important is to get that ankle of your attended to. ROMANA: It's nothing, really. GRENDEL: I shall take you to my castle. My steward can register your stone while my surgeon attends to your injury. ROMANA: Look, it's very kind of you, but I really couldn't GRENDEL: Then I shall provide you with a mount and an escort to take you wherever you wish. ROMANA: It's just a question of time. GRENDEL: An hour, no more. What's an hour out of your life? GRENDEL: I shall not take no for an answer. ROMANA: What's that? Is it yours? GRENDEL: My favourite charger. Strong as a tree and swift as the wind. ROMANA: Well, how does it go? What makes it work? GRENDEL: Good heavens, I don't know, my dear. ROMANA: You don't? GRENDEL: I'm a knight, not a farrier. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Do you mind not standing on my chest? My hat's on fire. I don't think we've met before. ZADEK: Who are you? DOCTOR: Hmm? ZADEK: Who are you? DOCTOR: Call me Doctor. ZADEK: What are you doing here? DOCTOR: Oh, fishing. ZADEK: This is Prince Reynart's hunting estate. DOCTOR: What? Prince Reynart? ZADEK: Yes. DOCTOR: I've never heard of him. Decent sort of chap, is he? FARRAH: Shall I kill him, Swordmaster? DOCTOR: No, no, that won't be necessary. DOCTOR: Good heavens, electrically charged. The control's in the hilt, I see. ZADEK: You know about such things? DOCTOR: Well, I've travelled. FARRAH: He said he was a doctor. ZADEK: You know about machines, electronics? DOCTOR: A little. ZADEK: You don't look like a peasant. DOCTOR: Well, of course not. I've travelled. ZADEK: But you have certain skills. Can you mend an android? DOCTOR: What? What did you just say? ZADEK: An android. DOCTOR: I thought you said an android. What's wrong with it? ZADEK: It won't go. DOCTOR: Why don't you just try your local android dealer? FARRAH: Shall I kill him now, Swordmaster? DOCTOR: Look, that isn't necessary. You see, I'd really love to help you out but I'm frightfully busy and where is this android? [SCENE_BREAK] GRENDEL: There is Castle Gracht, my dear. ROMANA: It's beautiful. GRENDEL: It's the ancient home of the Grendels of Gracht. And it's quite, quite escape-proof, I'm glad to say. [SCENE_BREAK] TILL: My lord is come! Open the gate! GRENDEL: There, that wasn't too bad, was it? ROMANA: There's no need to carry me. I can still walk. TILL: Master. GRENDEL: Fetch Madame Lamia. TILL: Master. GRENDEL: She's my surgeon. Come, my dear. [SCENE_BREAK] GRENDEL: There. ROMANA: Oh, thank you. You won't forget to register my stone, will you? GRENDEL: What? ROMANA: My stone. GRENDEL: Oh, no, no, of course not, my dear. LAMIA: I got your message. GRENDEL: Oh, Romana, my dear, this is Madame Lamia, my surgeon-engineer. ROMANA: Hello. Engineer? LAMIA: I don't believe it. ROMANA: What's the matter? LAMIA: It's incredible. It's a marvellous job. Who did it? GRENDEL: The question is not so much who, my dear, as why. LAMIA: I'm a peasant. I leave politics to my betters. GRENDEL: Very wise of you, my dear. ROMANA: Now look, I don't know what all this is about, but I must GRENDEL: Restrain her. LAMIA: What do you want me to do with her, my lord? GRENDEL: Well, we can't have her running around the kingdom. Disassemble her. We can cannibalise her for parts. ROMANA: What parts? Now, wait a minute. GRENDEL: I should like to keep the head. You're right, it really is quite remarkable. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ahem, you're standing on my scarf. FARRAH: I'm terribly sorry. DOCTOR: If you don't stop burning my scarf, you're going to have to kill me. REYNART: Doctor, you must forgive Swordsman Farrah. He tends to get overenthusiastic in the pursuit of his duties. DOCTOR: Perhaps he does REYNART: But particularly in defence of his prince. DOCTOR: Well, maybe he does get too enthusiastic in the course of his duty. What about my scarf? ZADEK: Peasant, you will speak with respect when you address Prince Reynart of Tara. DOCTOR: I told you, I'm not a peasant. REYNART: But you do know about androids. DOCTOR: Well, that depends. ZADEK: On what? REYNART: On how we treat him, obviously. REYNART: So you're not a peasant. DOCTOR: No. REYNART: Very well, I'll make you an offer. One thousand gold pieces if you can mend our android. DOCTOR: One thousand gold pieces? Pfft. Do you think you can buy me for money? Ha! Five hundred. REYNART: Done. DOCTOR: Suppose I can't mend the android? ZADEK: Then we shall give you to Swordsman Farrah for sword practice. REYNART: No, we won't, Zadek. This man is obviously a gentleman. If he can mend our android, we shall reward him. If he cannot, you have my word, Doctor, you will come to no harm. You may go free. DOCTOR: Thank you. REYNART: Wait. The android? DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes. Where? Excuse me. REYNART: There he is, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] GRENDEL: I always enjoy watching you work, my dear. LAMIA: Thank you, my lord. I shall make the cut here. GRENDEL: Excellent. ROMANA: Count, far be it from me to query this lady's competency as a doctor, but where I come from you don't cut off the patient's head if you wish to cure their ankle! LAMIA: Ankle? GRENDEL: Yes, there was supposed to be something wrong with its ankle. LAMIA: It's swollen. ROMANA: Well, what did you expect? LAMIA: Extraordinary. If I didn't know better, my lord. LAMIA: She is not an android. GRENDEL: What? LAMIA: She is real. ROMANA: Brilliant. GRENDEL: Well, you can keep your head, my dear. I may have a better use for it. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: That's not bad. I have seen better. REYNART: Don't you sometimes wish, Zadek, that our fathers had permitted us to learn peasant skills? ZADEK: No, your highness. If we'd have meant to have been peasants, we'd have been born peasants. REYNART: Perhaps you're right, Zadek. Well, Doctor, can it be fixed? DOCTOR: Well, that depends. Fixed for what? REYNART: Zadek. REYNART: For one thing, it must wear this. DOCTOR: Why? REYNART: Tomorrow, at the appropriate hour fixed by the astrologers, in the great Coronation room of the Palace of Tara, I am to be crowned King. DOCTOR: Well, congratulations. REYNART: They will be in order if I get there. DOCTOR: Why? What's to stop you? REYNART: Count Grendel of Gracht. DOCTOR: What? REYNART: He'll kill me if he needs to. After all, you can't crown a dead Prince. Grendel and his men will be watching every entrance to the palace to prevent my getting to the Coronation room at the ordained time. DOCTOR: So? REYNART: If I fail to appear at the right moment, I forfeit my right to the crown. DOCTOR: Ah. And that's when Grendel of Gracht steps in? REYNART: The only other contender for the throne is the Princess Strella, but she disappeared some time ago. Nobody knows where she is. DOCTOR: Where does George come into all this? ZADEK: There have been three attempts on his Highness's life already. The next one could be successful. DOCTOR: Ah, I see. Let them attack George here instead of the Prince. REYNART: Precisely. We use George, the android copy of me to create a diversion, to distract their attention. DOCTOR: And draw their fire. REYNART: To draw their fire, while we slip past the guards into the Coronation room. What do you think, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, it has been done before. [SCENE_BREAK] LAMIA: I don't like it. GRENDEL: I'm not asking you to like it, just do it. LAMIA: Is it wise? Think of the risk. GRENDEL: You question my commands? LAMIA: No, my lord, of course not. GRENDEL: Then do what I tell you or I shall have you flogged, and don't imagine that I won't. LAMIA: Yes, my lord. ROMANA: What are you doing? What? No! Please, no! Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: Congratulations, Doctor. Thank you. And now if you will forgive me, gentlemen, I must retire. GEORGE: Goodnight, gentlemen. REYNART: Excellent! Farrah, bring wine. Do you know, it's quite eerie seeing oneself walk and talk like that. I never thought I'd see that thing going again. DOCTOR: Well, it'll do for now, but if I'd had the proper tools I could have done a much better job. REYNART: It's good enough to fool Grendel and his men, don't you think so, Zadek? ZADEK: I hope so, your Highness, for our sake. REYNART: Oh, Zadek, always the pessimist. Thank you, Doctor. DOCTOR: My pleasure. REYNART: Zadek. ZADEK: Five hundred gold pieces. REYNART: You wouldn't be interested in permanent employment, would you, Doctor? DOCTOR: No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm otherwise engaged. REYNART: Pity. Still, you will stay and drink a toast to our success for tomorrow, won't you? DOCTOR: All right. REYNART: One of our local wines. Modest, demure, but palatable. Join us, Farrah. FARRAH: Thank you, your Highness. DOCTOR: You look better without your helmet. FARRAH: Cooler, anyway. ZADEK: With your permission, your Highness. To the King. DOCTOR: To the King. FARRAH: To the King. REYNART: Not yet. Tomorrow, perhaps, thanks to the Doctor. DOCTOR: Thank you. FARRAH: To the Doctor. REYNART: The Doctor. FARRAH: Your Highness? DOCTOR: Potent stuff.

The Doctor and Romana are now searching for the 3rd segment of the Key to Time. Landing on the world of Tara, the Doctor decides to send Romana off in search of the 3rd segment while he takes a break and does some fishing.

fd_Charmed_01x13

fd_Charmed_01x13_0

[Scene: Occult shop. Prue and Phoebe are there.] Tanjella: Excuse me, but I'm getting ready to close now. Prue: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that you were open until 1:00. Tanjella: Normally I am, but not on the evil Friday the 13th. In fact, I kinda wanna be closed by midnight. Prue: Alright, well, we won't be much longer will we, Pheebs? Phoebe: Okay, okay. So, input? (She holds up a necklace.) Prue: Nice. Let's go. Phoebe: It's nice? That's it? Maybe I should look for another one. Prue: Phoebe, the woman wants to close. Phoebe: I know, I know, but choosing the right good luck charm is a very big decision. Prue: If they all bring good luck, what's the worse that can happen if you pick the wrong one? Pheobe: Alright, you know, this is why I like shopping with Piper. (They walk up to the counter and hands the necklace to Tanjella.) Tanjella: Okay, you want me to put this on Piper's order? Phoebe: Uh, no, I'll pay separately. Tanjella: Cash or charge? Phoebe: (to Prue) Uh, will you put it on a credit card for me? I will pay you back. And tomorrow I have a job interview and... Prue: And the good luck charm is going to help you get the job. How much? Tanjella: $25.50 plus tax. Prue: Okay. Tanjella: Oh, but you get 10% off if you sign the mailing list. Phoebe: See? Good luck already. (Phoebe writes down their names.) Tanjella: If you're interested, we're having a Wicca gathering for the spring equinox. Prue: What makes you think that we would be interested? Tanjella: Most witches are. Prue: We never said that we were witches. Phoebe: (to Prue under her breath) Do you think she knows? Prue: (under her breath) How could she? (The clock strikes twelve.) Tanjella: Could you please hurry? Phoebe: Is there a problem? Tanjella: I told you I just, I want to be closed by midnight. Prue: Wow, you really take this Friday the 13th stuff seriously. Tanjella: Yeah, you should too. Especially this one. Phoebe: And why is that? Tanjella: Because once every thirteen hundred years, there's a universal convergence of negative energy on Friday the 13th and this is the year. Prue: Of course it is. Tanjella: Did you hear that? The clock struck thirteen. It's starting already. Phoebe: Good night, Tanjella. (They grab the necklace and leave.) [Cut to outside. Prue and Phoebe get in the car and drive off. Smoke rises out of the sewer and Barbas appears.] [Cut back inside. Tanjella is blowing out the candles. She turns off the light. Barbas knocks on the door.] Tanjella: Sorry, we're closed. (Barbas knocks on the door again.) I said we're closed. (Barbas walks through the door like a ghost.) Barbas: Not to me, witch. Tanjella: Oh my God. (Tanjella picks up an amulet.) Barbas: Amulet's don't work with this demon. (He passes his hand in front of her face.) Your greatest fear is being buried alive in an earthquake. (The room starts shaking and things fall off the shelves. Tanjella screams. Shelves fall down around her.) Yes. You can't run, you're frozen in fear. (Tanjella stops screaming and she falls on the floor. She is dead and her hair has turned white. Barbas walks over to the mailing list. He passes his hand above it and half of the names disappear.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Piper walks in the solarium holding a small box. She pulls out some necklaces and looks at them. She chooses one.] [Time lapse. Piper and Phoebe walk out of the kitchen into the solarium.] Phoebe: Think about it. When has she ever said it to you? Piper: I don't remember exactly but I'm sure she must of. Phoebe: Yeah, okay, try to think of a time, just one. Whenever I say it to her, she says something like, 'oh me too' or 'same here'. Piper: You know, you're right. Phoebe: Yeah. The girl cannot say the words 'I love you'. It's like some weird... (Prue walks in.) Prue: Morning. Phoebe: Oh, good morning. (Prue and Phoebe sit down.) Prue: Oh, that outfit looks great on you. Phoebe: Thank you for giving it to me. Piper: Wait, you gave her that outfit? Prue: Yeah, it was an early birthday present. Phoebe: For the next three years. Piper: Are you feeling okay? (She touches Prue's forehead.) Prue: I am fine. In fact, I had a wonderful dream about mum. Piper: Oh, how great. What about? Prue: Um, I was a little kid like four or five and I was reaching up holding her hand and she was taking me some place. I don't know where but it felt so safe. Phoebe: I wish I had dreams like that. Piper: Mum would have to knock before she came into your dreams. Phoebe: Ooh! (Prue yawns and Piper covers her mouth.) Prue: What are you doing? Piper: You have to cover your mouth when you yawn or you might let the Devil in. (Phoebe and Prue laugh.) Especially on Friday the 13th. Prue: Is that amulet one of the things we picked up for you last night? Piper: Yes. And this (she holds up a stone) and these. (She holds up the other necklaces.) We're having a superstition theme fundraiser at the restaurant today. I'm going to need all the help I can get. Prue: Don't you think that you're over doing it just a little bit? Piper: With all the warlocks and demons we've seen. I don't think so. Prue: Piper, those things are real. Okay, superstitions are like old wives tales invented to explain somebody's misfortune. Piper: Statistics show more bad things happen on Friday the 13th than any other day. I met Jeremy on Friday the 13th. Phoebe: Really? Piper: Yeah, and he tried to kill me. Afterwards I find out there's a superstition. That any relationship started on Friday the 13th is doomed. Prue: More bad things happen on Friday the 13th because people put energy in believing bad things will happen. Piper: Pheebs. Phoebe: Actually, I prefer the upside of superstition. Good fortune, which is what I hope this (she holds up a coin) little honey brings me in my job interview with the real estate agency. Will you give me a lift? I'm running late. Piper: Okay. (They start heading towards the doorway.) Phoebe: Okay, well, have a great day, Prue. I love you. Prue: Yeah, me too. (Phoebe and Piper stop and look back at her. They look at each other and continue walking.) [Cut to the other room.] Piper: I wonder if she knows she does that? (They walk in the foyer and opens the door. Andy's there who was just about to knock.) Hey, Andy. Andy: Hey. Is Prue in? Phoebe: (calling out) Prue, there's a policeman here to see you. Piper: See you later, Andy, we're running late. (They leave. Andy walks in the living room. So does Prue.) Prue: This must be bad news. Andy: Why would you say that? Prue: A little early for a social call. Andy: You're right. We've had three suspicious deaths since midnight. All single females, all under thirty, one was a book store owner. Credit card company records show you were her last customer. Prue: Oh my God. Andy: You remember anything out of the ordinary? Suspicious characters hanging around? Prue: No, Phoebe and I were the only ones in there. In fact, she was locking up when we left. Andy: Was the place in order? Prue: Yeah, why? Andy: When we found her, her body was half buried in debris. But the coroner said it wasn't her injuries that killed her, it was a heart attack. Prue: A heart attack? Andy: Yeah, her hair had turned chalk white, her face was contorted in terror just like all the others. If I didn't know any better, I'd say literally scared to death. Do you visit occult book stores at midnight often? Prue: No, of course not. Phoebe needed a good luck charm for her job interview today. It was very last minute. Andy: His killings look like some weird ritualistic thing. The victims all had ties with the occult. You might consider shopping somewhere else. Prue: Meaning? Andy: Just be careful. [Scene: Later on in the attic. Prue opens the Book Of Shadows.] Prue: Friday the 13th. Friday the 13th. (She finds a page.) "The Demon of Fear appears once every thirteen hundred years on Friday the 13th. He feeds on the fears of young witches for his survival." Mum's handwriting. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Quake. Piper's standing there staring at Lucas. Prue stands behind her.] Prue: Who's the guy? (Piper turns to face Prue.) Piper: Lucas Devane. He's chairing the fundraiser for the children's hospital. Prue: Oh, right, I saw his picture in the magazine. Wasn't he named the Bay Area's most eligible bachelor? Piper: Don't rub it in. Prue: Hey, you're the one who's letting a silly superstition run her life. Piper: Is he still looking over here? Prue: Yeah. He's undressing you with his mind. (They start walking.) And he's down to white cotton. Piper: I haven't worn white cotton since high school. (They approach a ladder.) Whoa! (They walk around it.) You, ---- me. Sorry, I had to rush off the phone. What's with the demon of fear? Prue: Well, I found a page about him in the Book Of Shadows in mum's handwriting. Piper: Mum's, are you sure? Prue: Yeah, I'm sure. I checked it against the handwriting on the back of the spirit board. (They sit down at the bar.) Piper: Wow, this is the first time we've found anything mum's written in the book. Prue: Well, she must have known that this demon would appear in our lifetime and she wanted to warn us against him. Piper: I don't like the sound of that. Prue: Well, if he can kill thirteen unmarried witches by midnight, he'll be free from the underworld to wreck his terror every single day. Piper: Unmarried. Like being single doesn't have enough problems. So how can we stop him? Prue: I don't know but he does kill by turning a witch's greatest fear against her. Piper: Meaning? Prue: The book doesn't say. But mum wrote that in the face of our greatest fear, our powers are paralised. Piper: Wait a minute, we're on the most wanted list and we're defenseless? Didn't mum say anything about how to get rid of him? Prue: Just to release our fear. Piper: How do we do that? Prue: I don't know. That's all she wrote. Look, I know that you're afraid of flying. Piper: That's not really a fear, I just prefer buses. Prue: Well, as long as you stay in a crowded restaurant you'll be fine. And since Phoebe's afraid of being trapped in an elevator, I'll tell her to take the stairs. Piper: And you'll stay away from pools. Ever since mum died you've been terrified of the water. That's why you never took swimming lessons. We've always known that was the reason, it's okay. Prue: Yeah, well, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I've gotta go. Piper: Call me when you get to Bucklands. Prue: I'm not going to Bucklands. Mum warned us but there are others. Piper: We don't know any other witches. Prue: No, see, Tanjella gave me this flier for a wicca gathering and there's a woman named Zoe listed as a contact, I'm hoping that she can help. So just call Pheebs and let her know what's up, okay. Piper: Okay. (Prue starts to walk away.) I love you. Prue: Yep. (Prue walks under the ladder.) [Scene: SWA Properties. Phoebe's in her interview.] Susan: As you can see we're a small firm but we've built a very successful business. Phoebe: Oh, well, size doesn't matter to me. What does excite me though, is the chance to work with successful women. I mean, if I want to be a success who better to learn from right? Susan: Oh, I like that. I've heard all I need to hear. When can you start? Phoebe: Are you serious? I got the job? Susan: I can spot talent when I see it. Um, can you start today? Phoebe: Uh, yeah, yes of course. (A guy walks in.) Susan: Hi, honey. Give me a second. (He walks back out.) Here are the keys. Louise is out of town, I've got I'll be ----- So, all you have to do is answer the phone. Phoebe: Making a romantic mid-week break? Susan: Well, yeah. Um, which reminds me, there is one special task I'll need you to handle from time to time. If my husband calls, I'll need you to cover for me. (Phoebe's eyes widen and she laughs nervously.) Phoebe: Oh, uh, sure. Susan: Our little secret? Phoebe: Oh, of course. Susan: Well, you have my pager number. Have fun. Phoebe: Okay. (The employer leaves.) You too. [Scene: Zoe's apartment. Barbas appears.] Zoe: I thought you might come. But I have nothing for you here. Barbas: Oh, you couldn't be more wrong, witch. You're all alone, that's all I need. Zoe: You have no power over me. I have evolved powers to release all mortal fears. My inner strength will destroy you. (Barbas passes his hand across her face. Barbas makes the flame from a candle fall on the carpet. She tries to stamp it out with her foot.) Barbas: You didn't release your fear of fire, you only repressed it. (The fire spreads and flames surround her.) Zoe: No, please. Barbas: Save it for another life time. You're frozen in fear. [Cut to outside. Prue knocks on the door.] Prue: Hello? (Zoe screams and Prue uses her power to open the door. She walks inside and sees Zoe dead on the floor with white hair.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Zoe's apartment. Police and photographer's are there. Andy walks up to Morris.] Andy: Sorry I'm late. So what do we have? Morris: The coroner said there are no burn marks on the body. She didn't die of smoke inhalation, her heart gave up just like the others. (He looks at Andy's shoes.) And I can't believe you're wearing the serial shoe again. Andy: They're my good luck charm. Morris: They're embarrassing. Andy: This is the fifth woman with ties of the occult that's been found dead since midnight. Now tell me it's not the work of some serial nutcase. Morris: I can't but it still doesn't mean those shoes aren't embarrassing. Cop: (to Morris) Inspector, would you have a look at this? (Morris goes to talk to the cop. Andy looks under the sheet that's covering the body. Morris comes back.) Morris: Doorman, he says there was a signing log. Wanna guess who the last person was to see the victim? Andy: I'm gonna guess the killer. Morris: Prue. [Scene: Quake. Prue, Phoebe and Piper are sitting at a table.] Piper: What did you tell Andy? Prue: I didn't talk to Andy. I didn't want him to know I was anywhere near there so I called 911 and I left. Phoebe: Are you sure you're okay? Prue: Yeah, it's just, uh, I can't get her face out of my mind, you know. There was so much fear and her hair was pure white, the terror that she must of felt. It's just... Phoebe: Okay, I'm scared enough, thank you. So now what? Piper: We avoid any place he can use to terrorise us. Phoebe: And what about all the other witches? Prue: Well, I took Zoe's day runner. Some of the names in there have got to be witches. I'll start making phone calls. (Prue reaches for the salt and knocks the jar over spilling some salt.) Piper: Oh, oh, quick. Throw some over your shoulder. Prue: Don't be ridiculous. Piper: It's bad luck. You could be attacked by evil spirits. Prue: Piper, we have been attacked by plenty of evil spirits and they had nothing to do with salt. And considering our powers, I can't believe that you want to rely on this for our protection. Piper: My feeling is, you can never be too rich or too safe. (Phoebe sees a ladybug on the plant on the table.) Phoebe: Oh, look, a ladybug. Prue: Is that bad luck? (Piper pulls a face.) Phoebe: No, actually Grams once told me that whatever direction it flies in, you can find your ideal mate. We've gotta try it. (Phoebe flicks the ladybug and it flies across the room and lands on Lucas.) Piper: Oh. Prue: So does a positive superstition cancel out a negative one? Piper: I don't know. Phoebe: Wait, what's going on? Prue: That guy has been trying to talk to Piper all day and she has been avoiding him because she... (A waiter trips and spills drinks all over Prue. Phoebe and Piper wipe her with napkins.) Piper: You should've thrown the... Prue: You know what? Piper, don't even say it. I'm going home to change. Phoebe: Be careful, I love you. Prue: Yeah. (She leaves.) Piper: Okay, she can't say it. Maybe she's afraid it'll make her look too vulnerable. Ever since mum dies, you know, she has to be the strong one to take care of us and everything. It's probably just all part of that. Phoebe: Maybe. Hey, I gotta get back to work. Piper: How's the new job? Phoebe: Great, except my new boss wants me to lie to her husband about an affair that she's been having. Piper: Oh, how nice. What are you gonna do? Phoebe: I don't know. I'm just hoping it never comes up. Hey good luck. (Phoebe leaves and Lucas walks up to Piper.) Lucas: How's it going? Piper: Oh, good. Lucas: Listen, um, we've been working so well together on the fundraiser, I was, uh, wondering if you want to get dinner after it's over. Piper: Uh, I should probably... I should probably check my schedule. Lucas: You, uh, don't know if you're free tonight? Piper: Well, um... (she notices the ladybug on his shoulder) dinner would be great. Lucas: Great. [Scene: SWA Properties. Phoebe's sitting at a desk holding a coin.] Phoebe: Okay, heads - I tell him the truth, tails - I lie. (She flicks the coin in the air and it lands on its edge.) Oh, that helped a lot. (She picks the coin up. The phone rings. She reaches for it and knocks over a bottle of water.) Oh! Hold on please. (She picks up the bottle and has a premonition that water has filled up in the shower and Prue's stuck inside.) Prue. (in the phone) Uh, no one's in, call back later. (She hangs up and then dials another number.) [Cut to the bathroom in the manor. Prue gets in and turns on the water. The phone rings and the answering machine picks it up.] Phoebe's voice: Prue, it's Phoebe. Are you there? Pick up. Hello? Prue, I just had a premonition, you could be in trouble. Are you there? Prue, are you there? [Cut to where the answering machine is. Barbas appears and passes his hand in front of it and the message disappears.] [Cut back in the bathroom. Barbas appears. He passes his hand in front of the shower. Prue notices Barbas standing there.] Barbas: Your greatest fear is drowning. Thank you for making it so easy. (The shower starts filling up quickly.) That's right. (Prue starts panicking and hitting on the glass. The water rises up near her neck. She turns off the water. She tries to use her power but it doesn't work.) You powers are frozen by your fear. (The water continues to rise over her head.) [Cut to outside the manor. Andy and Morris are walking up to the door.] Andy: I wish I could think of a logical reason to explain why Prue's involved in this. Morris: You mean this time or every other time? (They ring the door bell. They hear Prue scream. Morris gets out his gun and Andy kicks open the door. They run inside.) Andy: Prue? [Cut to the bathroom. Barbas disappears. The door flies open and Morris and Andy run in pointing their guns. The water has disappeared.] Andy: Prue? You okay? Prue: I don't know. (Morris walks outside.) Andy: I'll wait for you downstairs. (Prue grabs a towel and wraps it around her. She opens the door and water that was sitting in the bottom of the shower runs out onto the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Andy, Prue and Morris are there. Prue's wearing a dressing gown and has a towel wrapped around her head.] Prue: I told you I had soap in my eyes. Andy: You had soap in your eyes? That's why you were screaming? Prue: Yes. Morris: You wanna tell us what you were doing at that woman's apartment? Prue: I was, um, Zoe was a collector of occult items and she wanted to know if the auction house was interested in selling them for her. Morris: When you got there was she alive or already dead? Prue: Dead. Andy: So you called 911? Why didn't you leave your name? Why did you just duck out? Prue: Because I wanted to avoid this. I knew that you'd suspect me of being involved and I'm not. Andy: Prue, don't you think it's a little coincidental you being one step ahead of death twice in one day? Prue: What exactly are you implying? Andy: Prue, if you were in my shoes, what would you think? (She looks at his sneakers.) Prue: First of all, nobody should be in those shoes. Morris: Told you. Prue: But if I were, I would never think that you had anything to do with these deaths. Andy: Prue, five women your age have been scared to death since midnight and we show up, we hear you screaming, we break in, find you terrified in the shower. Prue: I told you, I had soap in my eyes. Andy: That wasn't pain on your face, that was fear. (You hear the front door open.) Phoebe: Prue? (She runs in the living room.) Hi. Andy, Morris: Hi. Phoebe: Is everything okay? Prue: Yeah, everything's fine. So, are we done? Morris: Yeah, we're done. (Andy and Morris leave.) Prue: You will not believe what happened to me. Phoebe: Yes, I would, I saw it. (Prue takes the towel off her head and she has a streak of white hair.) Prue, he came really close didn't he? You've got some white in you hair. (Prue looks in the mirror.) [Time lapse. Prue and Phoebe walk in the attic.] Phoebe: There's gotta be something in the Book about releasing fears. Maybe it's just not obvious. (She walks over to the Book Of Shadows.) Prue: Phoebe, do you smell that? Phoebe: What? Prue: It's like Sandalwood. Phoebe: No, I don't smell anything. Prue: Mum used to wear a fragrance like that. Phoebe: I was too young to remember. (Phoebe looks in the Book.) Wait, I thought you said there was nothing in here about releasing your fear. (Prue looks at the page,) "To let go of your fear, trust in the greatest of all powers." Prue: That wasn't there this morning. Phoebe: Well, maybe because of all the stress... Prue: No, Phoebe, it wasn't there alright. It's in mum's handwriting, I would of remembered. Phoebe: Okay, uh, what do you think the greatest of all powers is? Do you think that's the power of three? Prue: I don't know. Phoebe: What is it? Prue: It's like I can feel her presence. Phoebe: Okay, maybe you should get dressed and go to Bucklands. Prue: No, um, I don't really think I'm up for that. Phoebe: Look, Prue, you said he disappeared once Andy got there. So maybe he only attacks when you're alone. When your fear is greatest. Prue: Yeah, you're right. Phoebe: Of course I am. Whatever you do, stay away from water, any water, don't even drink it. Prue: Don't worry. Phoebe: I love you. Prue: You too. Phoebe: Why do you do that? Prue: What? Phoebe: You never say 'I love you' to me. Prue: I just did. Phoebe: No, you just said 'me too' and you never say it to Piper either. Have you ever said 'I love you' to anybody? Prue: Yeah, I said it to mum and it was the last thing I said to her right before she died. (Phoebe hugs Prue.) [Scene: Quake. Piper's walking to somewhere but sees Lucas and walks back the other way. She stops a woman dressed up as a black cat who's about to walk past her.) Piper: Oh, uh, do me a favour, uh, walk behind me so you don't cross my path. Woman: Okay. Piper: Oh, wait... (she bends down to pick up the woman's tail off the floor and her dress rips.) Oh! You dropped your tail. (Piper walks into the kitchen and gets a cigar out of a shoe box. A guy walks up to her.) Guy: Are you okay? Piper: Me? Guy: You seem kind of, I don't know... tense. Piper: Well, it just seems ever since I agreed to have dinner with Lucas, I've had a run of bad luck. I broke a nail, the shipment of clams is late, I had to fire a hostess and I just ripped my dress. Guy: Well, it is Friday the 13th. (He walks away. Piper lights the cigar with the flames on the stove and starts waving it in the air. She then chants a spell.) Piper: "Sage so fair, from far and wide, take my troubles and brush them aside." (The smoke detector goes off from the cigar smoke.) Chef #1: Is there a fire? Where's the smoke coming from? (Piper quickly puts out the cigar by putting it in a saucepan of boiling water. She burns her fingers.) Piper: Ow! Chef #2: Is it malfunctioning? Piper: (to herself) It's just not my day. [Scene: SWA Properties. Phoebe's sitting at a desk. A man walks in.] Phoebe: Hi, may I help you? Man: Hi, I was looking for Susan. Phoebe: Oh, she's not here but I can tell her you came by. What's your name? Richard: Richard Warner. Phoebe: Oh, you're Susan's husband. Richard: Unless she's got one I don't know about. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: No, no. She doesn't have another husband. Richard: I thought I'd surprise her and take her to dinner. Do you know where she is? Phoebe: Uh, she went out. Richard: Okay, well, I think we established that. Do you know where? Phoebe: Uh, well, she... that's actually interesting, she, uh... I can't do this. Richard: I don't understand. Phoebe: I'm sorry, Mr. Warner, but I can't be the assistant your wife wants without compromising my beliefs and I just won't do that. Richard: Wait a minute, slow down. Phoebe: Don't worry about the office, I will lock up. (She writes a note.) Richard: Thank you. Phoebe: For what? Richard: For not lying to me about Susan's affair. Phoebe: You knew? Richard: I've tried denying it for some time now but I guess there comes a time when you have to face the truth. Phoebe: I'm so sorry. Richard: Don't be, you mustn't. Don't quit on my behalf. Phoebe: I'm not. (He leaves. The phone rings.) SWA Property. Woman on phone: Hello, may I speak to Susan? Phoebe: Uh, no, she's not in right now. Can I take a message? Woman on phone: I'm outside a house she was supposed to show me and she's not here. Phoebe: Uh, well, I'm sorry but she must of forgotten. She's out for the rest of the day. Woman on phone: Can anybody help me? I flew in from L.A. just to see this house. I'm under a terrible deadline to move from my other house. Phoebe: Uh, no one's here. But you know, since you flew in and all, I guess I can show you the property. What's the address? [Scene: At the property. Phoebe walks in the yard.] Phoebe: Mrs. Juffy? Hello? Mrs. Juffy? SWA Properties. (She hears a voice behind her.) Woman: Hello, dear. (Phoebe turns around and it's Barbas imitating a woman's voice. Thanks so (his voice changes back) much for coming out. (He grabs her.) Phoebe: Let go or I'll scream. Barbas: I could use the fix. (He passes his hand in front of her face.) Phoebe: I know how you kill. There are no elevators around here. Barbas: Elevators? That's what you think your greatest fear is? You mortals need to look deeper. Down where the real truth lies. Your greatest fear is losing a sister and I get two for one. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. She's on the phone.] Prue: He's only a threat till midnight, okay. Alright, well, take care and don't look in any closets till then. (The other line rings.) Alright, look, I gotta go, someone's calling me. Bye. (She picks up the other line.) Hello? Phoebe: Prue, it's Phoebe. I got stuck at a house I was showing. Can you come and get me? Prue: Yeah, sure. Where are you? [Cut to the property. Barbas is on the phone imitating Phoebe's voice.] Barbas/Phoebe: I'm at 3112 Napper Street. Prue: Alright, I'm on my way. (You see Phoebe is tied up and with tape over her mouth.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Quake. Piper's having dinner with Lucas.] Piper: I can't remember when I enjoyed a dinner more. I'm so glad you suggested this. Lucas: You know, I almost didn't. Piper: Really? Lucas: I'm pretty sensitive to people's feelings and I got the sense this morning that you were totally turned off to me. Piper: How odd. So what's it like being one of the city's most eligible bachelor? (He laughs.) Lucas: That magazine article was so lame. I'm, uh, really a very simple guy. I value home and heart, I'd like to settle down, have kids. I've got two nieces I'm crazy about, I even carry pictures of them. (Piper freezes him.) Piper: You sound too good to be true. (She reaches in his jacket and pulls out his wallet. She opens it up and sees a photo of them.) You are too good to be true. (He unfreezes just as she's putting his wallet back in his jacket. He wonders what she's doing.) Lint. A little lint. (She brushes his jacket.) Lucas: Oh, thanks. Piper: So, your instinct about me this morning was right. I was sort of sending out negative vibes. Lucas: Why? Piper: Well, there's this superstition that any relationship started on Friday the 13th is doomed. So I was determined to avoid you but ten there's another superstition about finding your ideal mate... Lucas: Wait a minute. You were gonna reject me because of a superstition but then decided I was worth going out with only because of another superstition? Piper: Yeah. Lucas: Well, it doesn't say much for me then does it? Piper: Oh, um, it's that... Lucas: Piper, someone who let's things like superstitions or omens to determine their lives, well, I just had an experience like that with my last girlfriend and it was a disaster. I'm looking for someone who's just not into that stuff. I'm sorry. [Scene: At the property. Prue walks to the gate.] Prue: Phoebe? (She opens the gate.) Phoebe: I'm in the backyard. You won't believe the view from here. (Prue walks in the yard.) Prue: Pheebs, where are you? (She walks near the swimming pool.) Phoebe? (Prue turns around and sees Phoebe tied up and Barbas standing there.) Barbas: (imitating Phoebe's voice) Isn't that a great view? (Barbas pushes Prue in the pool.) That's right. (Prue sinks to the bottom. She tries to swim back up to the top but can't.) Give me your fear. (A bright light appears in the pool.) A voice: Prue, Prue. You must face your fears, Prue. You must trust in the greatest of all powers. Love. Prue: Mum? A voice: Save yourself. Save your sister. (Prue's mum holds out her hand.) Don't be afraid. (Prue reaches out and holds her mum's hand. Her mum pulls her up to the top.) Prue: (to Barbas) It's over. (She uses her power and Barbas flies across the yard. She gets out of the pool.) Barbas: Your fear. Prue: I'm not afraid anymore. Barbas: Nooo! (Barbas burns and explodes. The rope disappears off Phoebe. Prue and Phoebe hug.) Phoebe: Oh my God, I was so scared. Prue: I know. I'm just glad you're safe. Phoebe: I don't know what would happen if I ever lost you. I love you. Prue: I love you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper's sitting on the floor in front of the fire place. Phoebe and Prue walk in.] Phoebe: Hey, what are you doing? Piper: Kicking myself. I just lost probably the greatest catch in San Francisco. Prue: What happened? Piper: He doesn't like women who rely on superstitions to make decisions. And I'm not so sure he's wrong. Phoebe: So, Prue vanquished the demon of fear. Prue: Well, at least put him back in the bottle for another thirteen hundred years. Piper: Wait, whoa, what? What happened? Phoebe: Well, he pushed her into a pool and then... Prue: And mum helped me out. Piper: Mum? Prue: Okay, I know it sounds crazy but I saw her. It was just like my dream. She was this incredible vision, so peaceful and she took my hand and brought me to the surface. Piper: That doesn't sound crazy. I wish I could've seen her. Phoebe: Me too. Piper: I'm just glad you're alright. (They hug.) Prue: I love you. (Piper breaks the hug.) Piper: What did you just say? Prue: I love you. (Piper and Phoebe smile.) Piper: I think that's the first time you've said that to me. Prue: Yeah, I know, I wish I had of said it a long time ago. Ever since mum died I've been afraid to say it. I didn't want to lose anybody else. Piper: Well, we're not going anywhere. Prue: Okay. I'm exhausted. I'll se you two in the morning. (Prue leaves the room.) Piper: Uh, what happened to her in that pool? Phoebe: I don't know. But whatever is was, it must of been incredible. [Cut to the attic. Prue's sitting in a chair holding the Book Of Shadows. You see words magically appear on a page and their mother's voice saying: "Thanks for letting them in your heart."] Prue: I miss you, mum.

Barbas, the Demon of Fear, spends Friday the 13th literally scaring witches to death. He tries to drown Prue in the shower, as her greatest fear is drowning. Barbas realizes that Phoebe's greatest fear is losing a sister, so he tries to drown Prue again with Phoebe watching. This time, Prue feels the presence of her late mother and manages to release her fear and vanquish Barbas.

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fd_NCIS_01x15_0

BLACK SCREEN GUARD ONE: (V.O.) On your knees! (LIGHT CLICKS ON) INT. INTERROGATION CHAMBER - NIGHT INTERROGATOR: (V.O.) Colonel Ryan, where is our money? RYAN: Where you bastards will never find it. INTERROGATOR: (V.O.) I wouldn't count on that. RYAN: How long do you think you can keep this thing a secret? If I found out, so will others. INTERROGATOR: (V.O.) Then it's a good thing we're in Iraq. People like you get killed here all the time. RYAN: Maybe you're the one who shouldn't count on that. INTERROGATOR: (V.O.) If you're referring to the Marines you were traveling with, they're dead. We also intercepted the three packages you attempted to mail stateside. It's over. RYAN: Then at least tell me why. INTERROGATOR: (V.O.) We all have our orders. Unfortunately for you, we kill anyone who learns about ours. RYAN: Well, I was kind of hoping for a little more than that. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/RYAN ATTACKS THE GUARDS) INTERROGATOR: Don't just stand there! Shoot him! CAMERON: Sir! It's clear all the way back to the entrance. RYAN: By the way, it was four packages, not three. (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES / CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: This is my favorite part of the day. Oh Debbie, and Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. KATE: Since when did you start giving women your work address? TONY: Oh, since I broke up with Michelle. KATE: The social worker? TONY: Yeah, we had a little misunderstanding. KATE: Like what? TONY: Well, she was under the impression that we were in an exclusive relationship. KATE: Imagine that! So what happened? TONY: She broke into my apartment and filled my closet with dog crap. (KATE LAUGHS) KATE: Really? I knew there was a reason I liked her. TONY: I still have her number. Maybe you two could get together and boil rabbits or something. KATE: Not my style, Tony. I would just shoot you. GIBBS: And that would be the reason for rule number twelve. KATE: Rule twelve? GIBBS: Never date a co-worker. Come on. The director wants to see us. Now! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY MORROW: Three weeks ago a Marine officer transporting two million dollars of Saddam Hussein's cash was ambushed in Iraq. His driver was found dead on the scene. The officer and the cash were MIA. The officer was Colonel Lou Ryan, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: What? MORROW: The FBI sent this footage of the main terminal at Washington Dulles Airport. Two days ago he was spotted re-entering the country under an assumed name. The question is why. KATE: Some kind of classified op, Sir? MORROW: Well, if it is, no one at the Pentagon knows anything about it, Agent Todd. The FBI believes he may have staged the ambush and taken the money for himself. GIBBS: That's not possible, Sir. If he's back in the States, I guarantee he's got a damn good reason. MORROW: If so, it's what I'm looking forward to hearing. You need to find him and bring him in. If he's turned on us, it could compromise half our operations in Iraq. GIBBS: The Colonel would rather die than betray our country, Sir. MORROW: Oh let's hope it doesn't come to that. As of today, he just made the FBI's most wanted list. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: (V.O.) He's kind of cute. TONY: So you're into older guys, Abby? ABBY: Sure. Dating older is a sign of maturity. TONY: Oh. What's the oldest you've gone? ABBY: Sixty five. My biology professor. You? TONY: Twenty six. My dry cleaner. ABBY: Ha ha. I rest my case. GIBBS: What do you got, Abs? ABBY: This is from the airport surveillance video. It looks like Colonel Ryan is talking to someone, but I can't tell who. GIBBS: Pull all the airport tapes that match our time frame. ABBY: I'm already on it. GIBBS: Tony? TONY: Ah, yeah. What's left of Colonel Ryan's Hummer was shipped back to Camp Lejeune last week, I can have it here tomorrow. GIBBS: His personal effects? TONY: Yeah, I'm checking on that. GIBBS: Meaning you forgot. Excellent work, Abs. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) ABBY: I just realized something. TONY: Gibbs never gives me any compliments? ABBY: No. Maybe it's not that you're dating younger women but that they're dating an older man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: What's SERE school? TONY: Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape. Why? KATE: Ryan served as an instructor there for three years. His O.Q.R. reads like something out of Soldier of Fortune. (TONY SHAKES THE BOX) TONY: What do you think is in here? KATE: Probably some part for his boat. TONY: No, I don't think so. The postage is from overseas. (TONY SHAKES THE BOX) KATE: Tony. TONY: He's standing right behind me, isn't he? (TO GIBBS) Do you want me to open this for you, boss? GIBBS: No. TONY: Ah, the Colonel's personal effects are en route from Iraq. They'll be here in forty-eight hours. GIBBS: Anything interesting in his jacket, Kate? KATE: Iraq hasn't caught up with his records yet, but judging by his background, he won't be easy to find. GIBBS: Unless you happen to know the man. I have a pretty good idea where to look. KATE: Where? GIBBS: Check the sedan out of the motor pool. I'll tell you on the way. (KATE AND TONY WALK O.S.) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS OPENS THE BOX) ON NOTE: MILLIONS BEING SMUGGLED OUT OF IRAQ. USED TO FUND COVERT OPERATIONS OUTSIDE MILITARY AND GOVERNMENT OVERSIGHT. I'LL CONTACT WHEN I KNOW MORE. ON FLASK: TO LIEUTENANT COLONEL W.D. RYAN "SEMPER FI" GUNNERY SERGEANT L.J. GIBBS [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CABIN - DAY (CAR BRAKES TO A STOP/CAR DOORS OPEN/CLOSE) GIBBS: Anytime the Colonel took leave, he'd come here. KATE: Not exactly my idea of a vacation. GIBBS: You should see it in the summertime. KATE: Do all Marines build boats? TONY: Just the ones that have been married a few times. KATE: Why's that? TONY: The other ones can afford to buy one.(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS RUSHES TO THE CABIN) (GIBBS KICKS IN THE FRONT DOOR) (MUSIC OVER ACTION) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY (SFX: DOOR BURSTS OPEN) TONY: Clear! KATE: We've got a body in here. TONY: Blood's not fully clotted. This is recent - three, maybe four hours. KATE: It looks like your Colonel was interrogating this guy. TONY: Guess he didn't like what he had to say. GIBBS: Colonel Ryan didn't do this. KATE: How can you tell? GIBBS: Somebody stormed this place. He wouldn't shoot the lock off his own door. TONY: Any idea who, boss? GIBBS: Not yet.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) KATE: Do you think he knows more than he's telling us? TONY: Come on, Kate, this is Gibbs we're talking about. Of course he does. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MAIN ROOM - DAY GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) No, that's right. We need the MCRT vehicle and the M.E. Oh, yeah, and I'm also going to need a dog. Well then find me one. Right. We'll be here. (SHOUTS) DiNozzo! What do you make of this? TONY: Ooh. So you think it's Ryan that's wounded? That makes sense if he was in the bedroom when his company arrived. They blast the lock. Ryan pops out of the bedroom. He starts to run, takes a hit, and keeps on going out the back door. KATE: That still doesn't explain our body in there. Either he was already here or your shooter stopped to tie him in the chair. GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Do you hear that? KATE: Hear what? GIBBS: Sounds like a... like a beeper. TONY: It's probably the guy's watch. KATE: I checked his wrists, Tony. He wasn't wearing one. (SFX: LOUDER BEEP TONES) (GIBBS LOOKS UNDER THE BED) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CABIN - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS/ KATE AND TONY RUN FROM THE CABIN) TONY: (SHOUTS) Yah! Yah! (GIBBS/ KATE AND TONY LEAP OVER THE CAR/HIDE BEHIND THE CAR) TONY: Are you sure it was a bomb, Gibbs? GIBBS: Yes, DiNozzo! For the last time yes, I'm sure it was a bomb. TONY: If you say so. D.O.D. is sure taking their sweet time getting here. (SFX: VAN BRAKES TO A STOP/ DOORS OPEN/CLOSE) DUCKY: Sorry we're late. Gerald got us lost several times. GERALD: Me?! You had the map. GIBBS: We have our own problems here, Ducky. DUCKY: Yeah, I can see that. The FBI take over our crime scene again? KATE: Gibbs thought he saw a bomb. GIBBS: What do you mean thought? KATE: Do I really have to say it? GIBBS: Say what? DUCKY: Yes, Kate. Say what? KATE: You need glasses, Gibbs. Are you happy? (SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION) (SFX: DEBRIS DROPS TO THE GROUND) GIBBS: I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch that last part. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT DUCKY: Oh. Well, I must say you seem to have a remarkably fine set of teeth. TONY: Yeah, for an extra from Pirates of the Caribbean. DUCKY: I heard that was very good. GIBBS: The ride? DUCKY: The movie. KATE: You know, Johnny Depp? (BEAT) Wow. Tony's right. You really need to get out more, Gibbs. GIBBS: Duck, this is my only link to Colonel Ryan. I need to know who he is. DUCKY: That's understandable, but I'm afraid it's going to take some time. GIBBS: How much? DUCKY: Well, ah... fingerprints are certainly out of the question. It would, of course, be a simple matter to match him to his dental records. Assuming we knew where they were located. GIBBS: We don't. DUCKY: Is there any reason to suppose he was associated with the Armed Forces or a Federal Agency? GIBBS: Possible. DUCKY: Then we can run his DNA. I should be able to get a sample for analysis even from this. Although, I do remember one case in Malaysia. GIBBS: Ducky, how long? DUCKY: Uh... ten days. Perhaps, nine. GIBBS: No. No. That's not good enough. DUCKY: Well, I don't suppose any of you bothered to take his photograph before you ran screaming from the place. TONY: Hey, that was not screaming. That was yelling... loudly. GIBBS: Kate, can you sketch him? KATE: I can try, but I didn't get a really good look at his face. GIBBS: Tony can help you with the recall. Nobody talks about this case unless it's with me. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) KATE: Ducky? DUCKY: Yeah? KATE: Did you know... Colonel Ryan? DUCKY: Only by reputation. KATE: Which was? DUCKY: Professional. Driven. His work was his life. TONY: So he was pretty much Gibbs? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. Sir, what the hell is going on? (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) RYAN: (V.O.) Did you get my package? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes, Sir. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I was also at your cabin. (SCENE CUT) RYAN: (INTO PHONE) Look, Gunny, I don't have much time. They could be tracing this call. I have to meet with you. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Considering you just made... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) ... the FBI's most wanted list, I agree. You need to get to NCIS as fast as possible, Sir. (SCENE CUT) RYAN: (INTO PHONE) Negative. That's the first place they'll try to require me. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Who? (SCENE CUT) RYAN: (INTO PHONE) That's kind of what I'm trying to find out, Gunny. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) You've got to trust me. We can protect you, Sir. (SCENE CUT) RYAN: (INTO PHONE) They've already tried to kill me twice. I don't intend on giving them another chance. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Where, then? (SCENE CUT) RYAN: (INTO PHONE) The bar where you bought that flask. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) When? RYAN: (INTO PHONE) Tonight. Twenty one hundred hours. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I'll be there. RYAN: (V.O./FILTERED) Make sure you're not followed. (SCENE CUT) RYAN: (INTO PHONE) I don't know how high this thing goes, but trust no one, Gunny. (HANGS UP PHONE) (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) CAMERON: Do you think he'll show, Sir? RYAN: He'll show, Lieutenant. CAMERON: People change, Sir. How do we know we can trust him? RYAN: Call it a gut feeling. CAMERON: Permission to speak freely? RYAN: When has that ever stopped you? CAMERON: What if you're wrong, Sir? (RYAN TAKES OUT HIS GUN) RYAN: There's a first time for everything. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (KATE SKETCHES) KATE: Damn it! I'm going to start over.(CRUMPLES THE PAPER) TONY: Oh, god. You're killing me, Kate. Not again. KATE: You think it's easy sketching from memory? I need a break. TONY: I took an art class once. KATE: Let me guess, it involved nude female models? TONY: Yeah, but that wasn't the only reason I took the class. We drew fruits or something, too. KATE: This I've got to see. TONY: I thought you'd never ask. So are you going to take off your clothes or do I just draw you like that? Ha. Kidding. One dead guy coming up. Eyes are always the hardest part for me. KATE: Me, too. TONY: The nose was kind of angular, right? KATE: And flat on the top. TONY: All right. There we go. Done. (KATE LAUGHS) KATE: You are so pathetic. TONY: I never said I passed the class. GIBBS: Done yet, Kate? KATE: Oh. Um... I was drawing and then Tony asked if I uh... you know, I don't think I can sketch him. GIBBS: Yeah, I can see that. I want both of you to start trying to find out who Colonel Ryan was working with in Iraq. Concentrate on anyone responsible for finding or shipping U.S. currency in-country. TONY: Where are you going? GIBBS: Tracking down another lead. TONY: Where? GIBBS: Not here. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS DOWN THE SIDEWALK) (AGENTS FOLLOW GIBBS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MALL - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS SELECTS AN UMBRELLA) GIBBS: Thank you. (GIBBS WALKS THROUGH THE DOORS) (MEN BANG ON THE BLOCKED DOORS [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BAR - NIGHT CAMERON: I don't think Gibbs should know I'm working with you, Sir. RYAN: There was a time when you would have trusted Gunnery Sergeant Gibbs with your life, Lieutenant. CAMERON: What if he's followed, Sir? If we're both compromised, who's left to stop them? RYAN: Okay, we split up but stay close. CAMERON: Always, Sir. (GIBBS WALKS TO THE TABLE) GIBBS: Colonel. RYAN: Gunny, it's been too long. Here, give an old man a hand up. GIBBS: We need to talk, Sir. RYAN: Let's talk while we play some pool. GIBBS: You're wounded. RYAN: Not badly. GIBBS: I need some answers. RYAN: Yeah, so do I. GIBBS: What happened in Iraq? RYAN: My task force was charged with recovering money Saddam had stashed around the country. We did a damn good job. We found close to thirty million in U.S. currency. GIBBS: A lot of cash. RYAN: A lot of temptation. I started noticing irregularities in the accounting. And when I investigated, strange things started to happen. GIBBS: Like what? RYAN: My reports to higher headquarters would disappear, or be ignored. Shipments would be redirected or cancelled last minute. GIBBS: That still doesn't explain your disappearing act. Why didn't you go directly to CENTCOM? RYAN: Because someone a hell of a lot higher up the chain of command was behind it. I set up a decoy. One vehicle with two million in cash to draw them out and it worked, just not the way I intended. They killed my men and captured me GIBBS: Who? RYAN: The CIA? NSA? Hell, NCIS for all I know. These guys had black ops stamped all over them. They're stealing money to fund something and they're killing anyone who finds out about it. GIBBS: What about the man I found in your cabin? RYAN: Do you have him in custody? GIBBS: He's dead. A bullet in the forehead execution style. RYAN: And you think I killed him? GIBBS: Why don't we start with who he was? RYAN: I was trying to find out. I caught him following me two days ago. GIBBS: How long exactly have you been in the States, Colonel? RYAN: A week and a half. I've stayed one step ahead of them until today when they tried to kill me. GIBBS: We've got to get you to NCIS - get this figured out. RYAN: Have you been listening to me?! These people are on the inside. This could be anyone. GIBBS: With all due respect, it's not a request. We can protect you. RYAN: I'm sorry, Gunny, but I can't take that chance. Someone has to stop these people. GIBBS: Colonel, you're wounded. You're alone - you look like hell. You're not going to be able to stay one step ahead for very much longer. RYAN: Who says I'm alone? GIBBS: Give me something to work with at least. There was a video tripod in your cabin. Did you tape the interrogation? RYAN: Yes, I did. GIBBS: Get me the tape. RYAN: It was damaged when they shot my place up. GIBBS: You will be amazed what my people can do with technology. RYAN: If you can fix this, you can prove that I didn't shoot that man. You might find a shot of the men who attacked me. I'll be in touch. GIBBS: When? RYAN: When I find out more about the people behind this conspiracy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - NIGHT ABBY: We have a bit of an enigma here, Gibbs. I spent all day scanning tapes from the airport looking for Colonel Ryan. And I mean all day. And guess what? GIBBS: He wasn't on any of them. ABBY: Uh-yeah. GIBBS: Lucky guess. ABBY: Okay, would you like to guess what I found out from the original tapes the FBI sent us? GIBBS: It was from more than two days ago. ABBY: Right. But can you tell me where they were from? GIBBS: A week and a half ago. ABBY: Did I mention that I spent all day doing this? TONY: Do you want to tell us how you knew all this, boss? GIBBS: The FBI lied to us. They've been using us to find Ryan this whole time. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Do you think Colonel Ryan's innocent? TONY: Gibbs seems to think so. KATE: The man disappears from a war zone with two million dollars. Ends up in the states under an assumed name. What's that tell you? TONY: He leads an interesting life? KATE: What about the dead body we found in his cabin? TONY: Like I said, Gibbs thinks um... KATE: You don't always have to follow his lead, you know. TONY: I don't always follow his lead. KATE: Like when? TONY: Like... remember that girl Michelle I told you about? KATE: The one with the dog? TONY: Yeah. Gibbs met her once, told me to run while I still had the chance. FORNELL: Agent DiNozzo. Agent Todd. KATE: Agent Fornell. Why am I not surprised to see you? FORNELL: For the heck of it, I thought you might enjoy some coffee. KATE: Is this the FBI's idea of an apology? FORNELL: Think of it more as a peace offering. TONY: It's going to take more than your house special blend after the stunt you pulled. FORNELL: I thought as much. Croissant? TONY: It's a start. FORNELL: Where's Gibbs? We have a lot to talk about. GIBBS: You've got that right, Fornell. FORNELL: Do you mind telling me what you were doing in Georgetown last night? GIBBS: Why don't you ask your men? FORNELL: The Colonel's in a lot of trouble, Gibbs. Level with me and I might be able to help. GIBBS: I have a better idea. You level with me and I'll decide if I need your help. FORNELL: No, it's not going to work that way. GIBBS: Tony, Kate, entertain our guests. Agent Fornell and I are going to have a little chat in private. (FORNELL AND GIBBS WALK O.S.) AGENT: I feel sorry for your boss. KATE: And why is that? AGENT: You obviously don't know Fornell very well. KATE: We've worked with him before. TONY: We just don't particularly like him. AGENT: So you do know him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE) (SFX: ELEVATOR STOPS) GIBBS: Tobias, you lied to me. FORNELL: Don't take it personally. I'd lie to my own mother if I thought it'd help solve a case. GIBBS: Are you going to lie to me now? FORNELL: That depends on what you were doing in Georgetown last night. GIBBS: Colonel Ryan is not a thief. FORNELL: I don't really care one way or the other. My job is to find him. GIBBS: Then that's a problem because I do care. FORNELL: I know you and Ryan served together. I can appreciate that. But innocent people usually don't run. GIBBS: They do if someone's trying to kill them. FORNELL: And just who is it that's trying to kill him? GIBBS: At this point? Maybe you. FORNELL: Come on, Gibbs. (SFX: ELEVATOR STARTS) GIBBS: You had to know we'd check the tape and figure out that it's more than two days old. FORNELL: Sure. I just didn't think you'd get it done that fast. (SFX: ELEVATOR STOPS) GIBBS: What changed? Why the rush to find him right now? FORNELL: One of my men disappeared two days ago, just after he reported sighting the Colonel. GIBBS: Oh. And you put me on the trail and hoped that I'd lead you right to him. FORNELL: If it was your man, are you telling me you wouldn't do the same? (SFX: ELEVATOR STARTS) GIBBS: Next time just ask for our help. FORNELL: You don't exactly have a reputation for playing well with others, Gibbs. GIBBS: Well, maybe I might have been able to help save him. FORNELL: What do you mean save him? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY AGENT: He was getting married next month. FORNELL: We don't know it's Agent Carlson yet. DUCKY: I'm sorry but I'm afraid it is. The dental records are conclusive. Our John Doe is your missing agent. FORNELL: Now your Colonel is a murderer. RYAN: Colonel Ryan didn't do this. FORNELL: And how could you possibly know that? KATE: There was evidence of a break in and a gun battle at his cabin. AGENT: We need to see it. TONY: So do we. Unfortunately it was incinerated in the explosion. AGENT: That's pretty convenient. KATE: Hey, all this started because you people lied to us. FORNELL: Agent Todd, if Ryan's innocent, how did my men end up handcuffed to this cabinet in the first place? GIBBS: I'll get you your evidence. FORNELL: How? GIBBS: Any way I can. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) AGENT: Your boss is playing a dangerous game. TONY: He doesn't play games. FORNELL: Well neither do we. If I find Gibbs is helping Ryan, I'll have him charged as an accessory to murder. Let's go. (FORNELL AND AGENTS WALK O.S.) KATE: He's right. We have to do something. TONY: Like what? Gibbs obviously doesn't trust us enough to tell us what's going on. DUCKY: You don't honestly believe that, do you? Don't you see? Gibbs is doing his very best to protect you. TONY: From what? DUCKY: From being accessories yourselves. He's willing to risk his own life and reputation for a friend, but he's not going to risk yours. KATE: So what do we do, Ducky? DUCKY: You let him know that he's not alone in his conviction. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Abby? ABBY: (V.O.) Hey Gibbs. GIBBS: What did you want to see me about? ABBY: I'm retesting Colonel Ryan's vehicle to make sure, but I don't think this damage came from an Iraqi weapon system. GIBBS: What then? ABBY: Well, the chemical signatures are matched to an American AT-Four. It's a light anti-tank weapon. It looks like friendly fire. GIBBS: I don't know if friendly had anything to do with it. Thanks, Abs. ABBY: Uh... Gibbs? GIBBS: Hmm? ABBY: Actually, we asked you to come down here for another reason. GIBBS: We? KATE: She means us. TONY: We need to talk to you, boss. GIBBS: About what? KATE: About what you're not telling us. TONY: We know you made contact with Colonel Ryan. KATE: Tony lifted your cell phone while you were charging it today. You received a phone call last night around nineteen hundred from a bar payphone in Georgetown, McPhinley's Pub. GIBBS: You lifted my cell phone? TONY: Borrowed. But uh... we showed your photo and Ryan's to the bartender this afternoon... KATE: He remembered seeing the both of you between twenty one hundred and twenty one thirty. ABBY: Which explains why you knew Ryan had been in the country more than two days. GIBBS: You borrowed my cell phone?! KATE: Look, we understand the situation and we just want to help. TONY: We can't back your play if we don't know what it is. GIBBS: Let me get this straight. What you're saying is you stole my cell phone. TONY: I think next time we can skip the cell phone part, Kate. GIBBS: This tape could prove that Colonel Ryan did not kill Fornell's agent. Do you think you can find out what's on that for me? ABBY: All you had to do was ask, Gibbs. GIBBS: Okay. Okay, I will try to remember that for next time. (DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Tony, touch my cell phone again, I'll break your fingers. (DOORS SLIDE SHUT) KATE: You know, he really does like you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LABORATORY - DAY FBI AGENT: (ON TAPE) I don't know anything about a conspiracy. I told you. I'm an FBI agent. I've never even been to Iraq. RYAN: (ON TAPE) What about you, Lieutenant Cameron. Do you believe him? Neither do I. FBI AGENT: (ON TAPE) Who the hell are you? RYAN: (SHOUTS ON TAPE) We're asking the questions! What is the money being used for?! Who is running your unit? (SFX: EXPLOSION B.G.) RYAN: (ON TAPE) Josh, grab the camera! ABBY: The end of the tape received the most damage. I haven't been able to pull much info from it. The video processing lab would probably have better luck. GIBBS: I'd like to keep this in-house. See what you can do. TONY: Anyone catch a glimpse of the person he was talking to off camera? KATE: No, but he called him Lieutenant Cameron. Did you ever hear of him, Gibbs? GIBBS: The Colonel and I used to work with a Lieutenant Cameron. TONY: Do you think it's him? GIBBS: Nope. TONY: Why not? GIBBS: Because he died fourteen years ago. TONY: Was there anyone in the bar with him last night? GIBBS: Not that I could tell. Kate, run down every Cameron you can find in the Pentagon database. KATE: You got it. GIBBS: Abby, you and Tony transfer out the tape. I had a tough time following his line of questioning. TONY: Where are you going? GIBBS: Home. To think. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER GIBBS LOOKING AT THE FLASKS) (GIBBS DRAWS HIS GUN) RYAN: There's no need for that, Gunny. GIBBS: You're not looking too good, Sir. RYAN: Looks can be deceiving. GIBBS: I watched the tape. The man following you is FBI. RYAN: Now you know what I'm up against. I told you, they're everywhere. GIBBS: Who are you talking to off camera? RYAN: You didn't recognize his voice? GIBBS: Whose voice? RYAN: Your company X.O. GIBBS: You're working with Lieutenant Cameron? RYAN: Just like old times, Gunny. GIBBS: Sir, Lieutenant Cameron is dead. RYAN: Yeah. Yeah, I thought so too. This group has been active since Desert Storm. They tried to recruit him but he fooled them. GIBBS: He died in my arms, Sir. You were standing right there. RYAN: You saw what they wanted us to see. When are you going to get it? GIBBS: I get it. You need help. I'm taking you in, Sir. RYAN: Put the gun down. GIBBS: No. No, I can't do that! RYAN: It was the second place I looked. I know it's a shock, Jethro, but maybe you'll believe your own eyes. Lieutenant? CAMERON: He doesn't look happy to see me, Colonel. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BASEMENT - DAY RYAN: This proof has been influencing national policy for years, Gunny, the bad intel we were fed on Iraq, the breakdown on the info prior to Nine Eleven. GIBBS: Lieutenant Cameron was working with them? CAMERON: More like infiltrating. RYAN: It's part of a small cell. We've been trying to trace the organization and find out who's at the top. GIBBS: Well, then we need help. We should go to my office. CAMERON: Negative! RYAN: They'd kill us before we even got close to the building. CAMERON: The way I see it, Colonel, we're a little outgunned here. RYAN: Well, we've made some preparations. GIBBS: What kind? RYAN: Oh, you'd be amazed at what you can get your hands on these days. GIBBS: Is that why you needed the two million you took from Iraq? RYAN: What makes you think we have it? GIBBS: They tore your cabin apart looking for something. RYAN: Then they must have been pretty upset when they didn't find it. GIBBS: Well, yeah. Yeah, they were. They blew it up. Where's the money? CAMERON: Some place safe. RYAN: We need to tell him. CAMERON: I don't know, Sir. What if he doesn't believe us? GIBBS: Colonel, look, you contacted me. You want my help, you have to level with me. RYAN: No, it's not that we don't trust you, Gunny. The question is, are you prepared to believe it? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Gibbs is two hours late. KATE: And he's not answering his cell. Should we swing by his house? FORNELL: No need. I've already been there. TONY: Did you order coffee, Kate? FORNELL: Your boss has crossed the line. KATE: We'll be sure to let him know the next time we see him. FORNELL: If I were you, I'd start looking. TONY: Why is that? FORNELL: Because this is a warrant for his arrest. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY RYAN: The perfect base of operations. It's in my aunt's name. Nobody's used it for years. GIBBS: Base for what? RYAN: To fight a war. They're not the only ones who know how to smuggle things out of Iraq. GIBBS: What exactly are you planning, Colonel? RYAN: I'm planning on exposing them... by force if necessary. GIBBS: What about the missing money? RYAN: Half of it's here, half at another location with the Lieutenant. GIBBS: How long have you known he was still alive? RYAN: Almost two years now. GIBBS: Where is he now? RYAN: He's close. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONE) RYAN: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Who are you calling? GIBBS: I need to contact my team, see if they got any information out of that video tape you gave me. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Where the hell are you? Fornell is here with a warrant for your arrest. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, that's a good thing I'm not there then. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) This is serious. He thinks you're with Colonel Ryan. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, he's smarter than he looks. (V.O./FILTERED) See if you can get Abby to pull (INTO PHONE) whatever she can off that video tape for me. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) What are we looking for? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Anything... (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) ...that'll prove that Colonel Ryan did not kill that FBI agent. (SCENE CUT) TECHNICIAN: (V.O.) We've got a solid contact. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Whatever you do, don't come back here. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) I wasn't planning on it. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I'll be in touch. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) I just hope you know what you're-- (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. VAN - DAY TECHNICIAN: We've got a location. It originated from the warehouse district in Fairfax, Virginia. MAN: All teams stand by to receive intercept orders. FIELD AGENT: (V.O./FILTERED) Roger that. MAN: We got him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: It's not much. Most of the data was corrupt. KATE: For all we know it could be Ryan. TONY: If we're going to get Gibbs out of this, we need more than a shadow puppet, Abby. ABBY: I've been rendering several frames over the past hour, using a modified algorithm I snuck out of NASA on my last visit. It's based on the Mars Global Surveyor's ability to interpolate information from corresponding pixels so you can build a composite. TONY: Today, Abs? ABBY: That is very Gibbs of you, Tony. TONY: Thanks, I've been practicing. ABBY: It looks like we have a face on Mars. KATE: I've seen this guy before. In the files Gibbs had us run down on units responsible for transferring money in Iraq. I think he's a Reserve Army Colonel. Let's roll. (KATE WALKS O.S.) ABBY: Looks like Kate's been practicing too. TONY: Let's just hope we get the real one back when this is over. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY GIBBS: I need to know what Cameron's been telling you. RYAN: Enough to convince me that they have people in every branch of our government. GIBBS: How do you know you can believe him? RYAN: He saved my life in Iraq. He has no reason to lie. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY (VAN BRAKES TO A STOP/UNIFORMED MEN JUMP FROM THE VAN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) We've got a positive ID on one of the shooters at the cabin. Reserve Army Colonel Mike Granger. (SCENE CUT) KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) He rotated out of Iraq two weeks ago. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) To where? (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Uh, Virginia. He owns a small business in Fairfax and he's there now. Are you ready to write down the address? (INTERCUT OUTDOOR WAREHOUSE SCENE) (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Got it.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) GIBBS: I know who's behind your conspiracy. We I.D.ed him off the tape. RYAN: That his address? GIBBS: Yeah, it is. We can pick him up for questioning. RYAN: No, no. You don't cut off conspiracy by taking out foot soldiers. You strike at the head. GIBBS: No, you've got to trust me on this. RYAN: Trust you? Trust you like the Lieutenant trusted you? Or have you forgotten about Lieutenant Cameron? GIBBS: No, Sir! I have not forgotten him. I think about him every night! Have you forgotten him, Sir?! (SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN) (VOICE: "Go go go!") (UNIFORMED AGENTS RUSH INTO THE WAREHOUSE) CHARLES: (SHOUTS) It's the FBI! Put your hands in the air! (SFX: GUNFIRE) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) NCIS!! Cease fire! RYAN: You set me up! GIBBS: Then why are they shooting at me?! Stay down and let me do the talking. Hold your fire! NCIS! Cease fire! (RYAN RUNS) VOICE: We've got a runner! (SFX: PROLONGED GUNFIRE) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Cease fire!!! Cease fire! Damn it! Stop shooting! We need to talk. CHARLES: You're under arrest. GIBBS: For what? CHARLES: For pissing off the FBI. GIBBS: Get used to it. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY FORNELL: Give me one reason I don't charge you with aiding and abetting a suspected murderer right now. GIBBS: I know where Colonel Ryan is headed. FORNELL: Where? GIBBS: Your men are trigger-happy, Fornell. Let me bring him in. FORNELL: You're not exactly in a position to be making demands, Gibbs. GIBBS: Do you want him or not? FORNELL: If you screw me on this... GIBBS: I'll consider it a bonus. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY FORNELL: What makes you think he's coming here? GIBBS: Granger tried to kill the Colonel. Your agent got caught in the middle. FORNELL: Your Colonel had enough weapons and explosives in that warehouse to take out half of D.C. How high does he think this conspiracy goes? GIBBS: That's what he's trying to find out. (SFX: WOMAN SCREAMS O.S.) GIBBS: You take a shot at him, you answer to me. FORNELL: I can live with that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GRANGER'S OFFICE - DAY RYAN: This is the last time I'm going to ask. Who are you working for? The CIA? The FBI? GRANGER: For ourselves. RYAN: No! It goes higher than just your greed! GRANGER: We risked our lives bringing down Saddam. Why shouldn't we take a little of his money? (SFX: GUNSHOT) RYAN: Do you think he'll talk if I blow his kneecap off next, Lieutenant? FORNELL: Who is in there with him? GIBBS: An old friend. Stay here. I'll bring him out. RYAN: Last chance. Who's behind it? GRANGER: The FBI, CIA - whoever you want. Please don't shoot me. GIBBS: I wouldn't waste the bullet. (SFX: RYAN HITS GRANGER WITH HIS PISTOL) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY CAMERON: Colonel, I told you we couldn't trust the Gunny. GIBBS: Put the gun down, Sir. There is no conspiracy. CAMERON: He led them to the warehouse. You can't believe a thing he says, Sir. RYAN: The Lieutenant is right. CAMERON: Thank you, Sir. FORNELL: (SHOUTS) Put the gun down! GIBBS: I told you to wait in the hall. FORNELL: As much as I'd like to, I'm not going to let him shoot you, Gibbs. (TO RYAN) Drop it now! CAMERON: This whole thing was a set up! RYAN: But why? Why would you do that? I don't understand. GIBBS: Neither did Lieutenant Cameron when he died, Sir. CAMERON: I'm not dead, Sir! I'm right here! RYAN: I can see that, Lieutenant! GIBBS: Lieutenant Cameron bled out in my arms, Sir. I couldn't save him. CAMERON: Shut up, Gunny! GIBBS: Where is the Lieutenant, Colonel? Is he behind me? CAMERON: I said shut up! (BEAT) Don't do this to me. Not again. GIBBS: The Lieutenant died a long time ago, Sir. There's a part of you that I know remembers that. RYAN: That's not... no, that's not true. That can't be true. GIBBS: Give me the gun, Colonel. Let me get you some help. Sir? (VISION OF CAMERON SLOWLY DISAPPEARS) GIBBS: Colonel! Colonel! If you want to shoot somebody, shoot me! Lieutenant Cameron died saving my life! (RYAN COLLAPSES) GIBBS: Colonel. RYAN: (SOBS) I... I don't understand what happened. GIBBS: That's okay. None of us ever do. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY TOLLIN: Though it's rare for paranoid schizophrenia to strike a man this late in life, it's not unheard of. I'm hoping that with the right medication he can return to a relatively normal life. FORNELL: Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean people aren't out to get you. KATE: Any idea why he fixated on Lieutenant Cameron, Gibbs? GIBBS: Yeah. Some. (BEGIN AUDIO FLASHBACK SCENE) (SFX: MUFFLED GUNFIRE B.G.) GIBBS: (V.O./SHOUTS) Corpsman! Hold on, Lieutenant Cameron! You've got to hold on! CAMERON: (V.O.) I can't, Gunny. Oh, Colonel, I don't understand... RYAN: (WHISPERS) I don't understand...I don't understand... I don't understand... I don't understand... (FADE TO BLACK)

Gibbs puts his career on the line after finding out that a marine colonel, William Ryan ( Terry O'Quinn ) who also happens to be his former CO has absconded from Iraq with two million dollars, and returned to the States under an assumed name. The FBI, led by Fornell, believe that he staged the ambush and stole the money for himself while Gibbs denies the claim, believing he is innocent. Ryan later contacts Gibbs, and explains that he has discovered a conspiracy to siphon funds out of Iraq for use on black ops while vehemently denying any responsibility. Gibbs finds himself in a delicate situation as he realizes that Ryan is mentally unstable after the latter kept mentioning a "Lt. Cameron", Gibbs's former company XO who had died in his arms years ago. Gibbs later learns that Lt. Cameron is alive, but only in Ryan's head and is working with Ryan to stop the conspiracy. After being arrested for "pissing off the FBI", Gibbs, along with Fornell, set out to discover the truth behind the Colonel's claims in a tense standoff and discover that Ryan had indeed been framed. With the truth out and the standoff over, Ryan is admitted into a mental hospital so that he can be treated for his paranoid schizophrenia .

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[Scene: The Leery Fish House. Gretchen is talking on the phone to one of her friends while working behind the bar.] Gretchen: Ok. I'll ask him. Ok. Tara, I gotta go. I'll talk to you. [Gale comes up to her, not looking too happy.] Gretchen: Sorry. She's a talker. Gale: Where is table 9's cabernet? I asked you for it 10 minutes ago. Gretchen: Oh. Friday night frenzy. We've already gone through 10 bottles of the Cakebread preserve, which means you're having an amazing night. Gale: Which means nothing if we can't put the orders on the tables. You know, maybe if you weren't taking personal calls, you'd have time to get the other case. [Gale leaves and Dawson comes up carrying a case of wine.] Dawson: Hey. Took me a while to find it. Gretchen: Great. Ah. Thank you. [She hands the bottle to the waitress] Table 9, A.S.A.P. Thanks. Ok. So please tell me that your mother is this edgy at home, too, that it's not just something about me that gets her knickers in a twist. Dawson: No. It's called hormones. In case you haven't noticed, she's seriously close to poppin' out number 2. Gretchen: Right. So it's not like it has anything to do... With...Well, us? Dawson: No. You kidding? My mom loves you. Gretchen: Yeah, me as Pacey's sister and her ever-trusty barkeep, maybe. Me as Mrs. Robinson, maybe not. Dawson: Come on. 3 years does not make you Mrs. Robinson. Gretchen: So that incredibly hostile vibe I just felt is not about us. Because... We're good. And...We're good together. Dawson: I like to think so. Gretchen: Right. Solid. Dawson: [Chuckles] Gretchen: so, I was thinking... Maybe it's time that you and I progressed to the next stage. You know, after a few weeks coupling, it's time that we actually go out amongst others and meet the friends. Dawson: As in your friends? Gretchen: Yeah. Aren't you a little curious to meet my friends? Dawson: Yeah. Definitely. Someday. Gretchen: How's tomorrow? Two of my best pals from college are swinging through to see this band, and I told them if it was ok with you that we'd go. Dawson: Tomorrow? Gretchen: Ok. Hey, I know that meet-the-friends night can be incredibly scary for the new guy. Dawson: You actually refer to me as the new guy. Gretchen: Oh, not me. Them. But that's why you need to meet them-- so they can get to know you. And then you can invariably wow and impress them. Dawson: And if I only variably wow and impress? Gretchen: Oh, then I dump you. Dawson: Well. Very kind of you. Gretchen: [Chuckles] Just be yourself. They'll love you. [She bends over the counter to kiss him, when Gale comes walking up to them] Gale: [Clears throat] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Drue is in the office talking with his mother when Joey comes up to it.] Drue: Thank you. Mrs. Valentine: I give you a lot of leeway around here, Drue. You want that to continue, you will do as I say. Drue: You ever noticed the pushier you get, the more you resemble a Disney villainess? [Joey walks into the room as Drue leaves.] Mrs. Valentine: You want something, miss potter? Joey: Uh... No. Actually, I'm good. I just stopped by to let you know that I was here. Mrs. Valentine: This wouldn't, by any chance, be about that quaint, upcoming senior trip... Would it... The one where if you have any hope in hell of going, you're gonna need a Friday and Saturday off? Joey: I'D...Really rather, uh, come back another time and maybe catch you in a rare moment of open-minded generosity. Mrs. Valentine: This is it, princess. Grab it while you can. Joey: You mean you'd actually consider giving me the time off? Mrs. Valentine: Giving? No. Trading...Perhaps. There is this date tonight that Drue is going on with Anna Evans. Joey: As in Dr. Evans, president of the club's board? Mrs. Valentine: Anna is his daughter. You probably wouldn't know her. She's your age, but she goes to a much better school. Joey: She's rich and important, so you're having Drue take her out. Mrs. Valentine: Precisely. And I want you and that boyfriend of yours to go with them. You two are the perfect couple. Joey: Thank you. Mrs. Valentine: It's important that Anna have a nice time tonight. And if she does, the days off are yours. If not, you'll be working Friday and Saturday shifts for the rest of the year. Joey: When should we be ready? [Scene: Mr. Brooks' House. Dawson and Mr. Brooks are working on the movie, on Dawson's laptop computer.] Mr. Brooks: How come you chose that clip instead of the Tuesday interview? Dawson: You were more concise here. Mr. Brooks: [Chuckles uncertainly] Well, whatever you like best. They're both fine. [Grams comes into the room with a tray.] Grams: You two have been at that all morning. Why don't you take a break? Dawson: Well, I've actually got lunch plans, so... As much as I hate to stop... Grams: I have to go get another bottle of Percoset. I'll be right back. [Grams Leaves.] Mr. Brooks: Before you go, kid, there's somethin' I want to ask you. Dawson: Yeah. What's up? Mr. Brooks: Uh, I can't get to the store to get my pills, and, um, Evelyn's been takin' me, and I hate it. Dawson: Yeah, whatever I can do to help. Mr. Brooks: Here. [He takes some documents out of his sweater and hands them to Dawson to sign.] Sign these. It's just lawyer talk... Legalese. Gobbledygook. Here. Dawson: Saying what, exactly? Mr. Brooks: Well, I designate you as my, uh, gofer. Dawson: Oh. Mr. Brooks: Gives you the right to go get my medicines for me... If you, uh... If you want. Dawson: I'm flattered you ask. Yeah. Mr. Brooks: Hurry up and sign 'em before Evelyn gets back. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Dawson: All right. Mr. Brooks: All right. [Mr. Brooks quickly hides the documents as Grams comes into the room.] Dawson: Be back in about an hour. Mr. Brooks: Yeah. Grams: Have a good time, Dawson. Dawson: Ok. [Dawson Leaves] Mr. Brooks: [Sighs] Ohhh...God. Grams: Mmm. Nursing agency called. They said they haven't received a check yet for next month. Mr. Brooks: Well, I remember sending it! Damn post office. Enough to make anybody sick. [He fakes taking the pills and hides them in his pocket.] [Scene: Pacey and Gretchen's Place. Pacey is sitting on the couch, when Gretchen comes into the living room wearing a tight sweater.] Pacey: Oh, no, no, no. Gretchen: Are you offering a fashion opinion here, Pace? 'Cause you'll have to excuse me if I find your credibility in that department somewhat lacking. Pacey: I'm offering a brother's opinion. Ok? And as a brother, I can tell you that that... Is not going-out-of- the-house outfit. It's better the bottom layer of something that could become a going-out-of- the-house outfit, but not until you put on a sweater or somethin'. Gretchen: This is a sweater. Pacey: No, it's not. A sweater is a big, baggy, shapeless thing that hides the human form. They're specifically designed for sisters about to go out on dates. Gretchen: This isn't even a date. It's a group activity. Keira and Jessica are gonna pick me up any second. And what are you still doin' here, anyway? Pacey: Well, I was just getting mentally prepared for yet another night of being the perfect boyfriend. It's a thankless job. Long hours, very few rewards. Not that I'm in it for the rewards, of course. Gretchen: No. Of course not. True love waits. Pacey: And waits and waits. Gretchen: Is something up? Pacey: No. Gretchen: Because if something were up Pacey: But nothing's up. Gretchen: Well, if something were up and you wanted to talk about it--- Pacey: Then I would. I absolutely would. But I'm not going to because guess what's up. Gretchen: Something. Pacey: Nothing. [Horn honks] Gretchen: [chuckles] You are so saved by the horn. Pacey: [Sighs] Have fun workin' the boulevard. [Scene: Outside the Mcphee House. Tobey is staring at the door trying to get the courage to go up and knock, when Jack comes jogging up from behind him.] Toby: I should've known you're the type that jogs. Jack: What type is that, exactly? Toby: The country club family type. You probably play a mean game of tennis, right? Jack: Huh. Golf, actually. Tobey, what are you doin' here? Toby: I've, uh...Uh, come to proposition you. Relax. It's merely a turn of phrase. You see, I--I'm doing this thing tutoring kids with the Boston Inner City Reading Cunsel. We're desperate for anybody who can read. Jack: Yeah, that makes me feel special. Toby: Come on. Check your attitude at the door, and let's get serious for a minute. I mean, Jen told me you liked working with kids. Well, here are some kids who need you to teach them. You interested or not? It's that simple. Jack: Tell you what I'm not interested in is a repeat of the soccer incident. Toby: Well, hey, everybody at the counsel knows I'm gay. Nobody cares. It--it's not an issue. Jack: Uh...I don't know. I don't think I want to get into somethin' like that right now. Toby: Well, uh, if you change your mind, we tutor 'em in the library at Jordan Junior High. Uh, weekend nights, after 7:00. [Door opens and closes] [Scene: Outside the Capeside Yacht Club. Joey and Pacey are waiting for Drue and Anna to get there.] Pacey: I know that you work for Satan's handmaiden and all, but does that really have to involve double-dating with her evil spawn? Joey: You want me on the senior trip, don't you? Pacey: Well, of course. You know me. I mean, I want you on a boat, ski resort, parking lot. I'm not choosy. Joey: Look, Pace, just remember, we're not here to have a good time. Ok? Pacey: I wouldn't even dream of it. Joey: And this Anna person, whoever she is, she's the one having a good time. And no matter how high she registers on the over privileged bitch-o-meter, just promise you'll be nice. Pacey: When am I ever not nice? Joey: Pace... [] Pacey: What a good boy. Joey: Mmm... [Anna and Drue pull up and get out of the car.] Anna: I don't understand why people are always honking their horns. Like, I don't know they're behind me? Drue: Could it be 'cause you're camped out in the middle of the intersection rethinking your eye makeup? Anna: Well, it could've been smudged. Is--is it smudged? Drue: Relax. Potter here knows about as much about makeup as I do. Besides, no one's had quite the heart to tell her the natural look went out before she was born. Joey: Oh, poor me. Anna: Don't listen to him. The natural look is so in. I totally read about it in the new allure. [To Pacey] You must be Joey. Pacey: Nice to meet you. Anna. Hi. [Chuckling] Joey: You're not Joey. I'm Joey. Nice to meet you, Anna. Drue: Pacey, guy. Joey, girl. I told you a thousand times in the car. Anna: Who's potter? Drue: Right. So much for the polite chitchat. Let's get this disaster on the road. [Pacey goes over and opens the door for Anna.] Pacey: Let me get that for you. [She gets in and Joey looks over at him from the other side of the car and smiles.] Be nice. Joey: Mm-hmm. [Scene: Mr. Brooks' House. Mr. Brooks is watching the finished video on Dawson's Laptop as Dawson sits back and watches.] Video: My passion for pictures... Is gone. Hard as I tried, as far into my soul as I searched, I... Couldn't find it. Dawson: Well...I think that section's pretty much done. Mr. Brooks: It's all done... 93 minutes of the life and filmic times of A.I. Brooks. Dawson: I was thinking a little work in the Columbia years could help it move along a little faster. Mr. Brooks: Lock the picture, do your credits, and run it for an audience. Dawson: You don't think a tweak here, an edit there, would make it better? Mr. Brooks: Could be better, could be worse. Could be just... Different. Dawson: [Chuckles] Mr. Brooks: The thing to do now is, uh... Let it go. Dawson: Right. At least for tonight, anyway. All right, let's get you in the living room for some of that music you love to blare. [Dawson pushes Mr. Brooks' Wheelchair into the Living Room.] Mr. Brooks: Hey, when are you gonna tell me more about your girl? Dawson: Oh, Gretchen? The one you refer to as the local ditz? Mr. Brooks: Ah, that was said with great affection. Dawson: [Chuckling] yeah, right. She's, uh... She's pretty terrific. But, uh, you know, we're takin' it easy. Mr. Brooks: Don't take it too easy. You're not my age. You hear me? Dawson: [Chuckles] I hear you. Mr. Brooks: You're still young enough to fall in and out of love a few more times before you get it right. Dawson: That doesn't sound like... A lot of fun. Mr. Brooks: It isn't. And it is. And it isn't. It's worth it every damn time. Dawson: Someone's on a prophetic roll this evening. Mr. Brooks: Pancreatic cancer will make a prophet out of anybody. Dawson: [Chuckles] well, um... I guess I'll... Cut out, unless there's anything else you want me to do. Mr. Brooks: Yeah. I, uh... It's hard for me to get out of this chair. Give me a hand, will you? Give me your hand. Dawson: Sure. [Dawson helps him up, and over to the chair and while Mr. Brooks is leaning on him, he gives Dawson a hug with a tear in his eye, and Dawson hugs him back before lowering him down into the chair.] Dawson: Well... There you go. Mr. Brooks: Yeah. Picture's not half-bad. [Chuckles] not just because it's about me, either. Dawson: We should make another one sometime. Mr. Brooks: Anytime, kid. Anytime. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's House. Dawson goes up to the front door and opens it to find Gretchen and her two friends outside.] Dawson: Here you are! Hey. I started to think you forgot about me. Gretchen: Sorry. We just, uh... We started talking, and we totally lost track of time. [Chuckles] Dawson, this is Keira and Jessica my 2 suitemates from freshman year. Keira: Which means we're friends basically due to random computer assignment. Great house. Rental? Dawson: Uh, no. This is my parents' house. Uh, speaking of whom, there's, uh, one of 'em now. Mom, this is Keira and Jessica. Gale: Hello. Keira: Nice to meet you. Dawson: Are we gonna make it? Gretchen: Uh, yeah. The show doesn't start till 9-ish, so we have more than enough time to get there. Dawson: Great. Gale: Uh, what show you going to? Dawson: Some club up in Bingham bay. We'll be back late. I'll see you in the morning. Gale: Wait a second, Dawson. I'm not sure I like the idea of you going to a club. I mean, do they serve alcohol there? Dawson: You serve alcohol in the restaurant. Doesn't seem to bother you when I'm there, so why should this be a problem? Gale: You're my son and I worry about you, that's why. And, uh, since when do you go...Clubbing? Dawson: It's--well, we're not dropping in on Studio 54. We're having dinner and seeing a band. Gale: Still, I would feel better if I at least knew you were gonna be home at a certain time, say, by 1:00. Dawson: [Chuckles] that sounds like a curfew, um... Which I've never had before in... My life. You know, I-- can I just put you guys outside? All right? Dawson: Ok. Thank you. See you in the car. [They go outside] Dawson: Ok. Thanks. If you're trying to embarrass me, consider it a job very well done. I'm completely humiliated. Gale: I am trying to protect you. Dawson: From what? The dangers of having a good time with my girlfriend? Come on. Gale: No. The dangers of getting hurt by a woman whom, as perfect a person as she seems right now, might actually be in a different place in her life. Dawson: Mom, it's not like that with Gretchen. Gale: Honey... I'm not so sure. Dawson: Well, I am. And you know what? It really doesn't matter what you think, 'cause it's my life and it's my relationship. If you want to express a little last-minute maternal control, you're gonna have to wait for the next one to come along, 'cause I really don't want that from you anymore. [Scene: The Mini Golf range. Anna is trying to line up a put, but she is visibly disturbed by the windmill as the others wait for her to take her shot.] Drue: [Sighs] just...Hit... The ball...Already. At this rate, we're gonna be here all night. Joey: Well, it's a date. We're supposed to be here all night. Take your time, Anna. Pacey: You know what? Let me give you a hand with this. [He goes over to the windmill and stops it from spinning.] And, uh, can I give you a friendly word of advice? Anna: Thanks. Pacey: It's not really about power. It's all finesse. So you just loosen up on your grip and swing through. Anna: All right. Drue: You know what? Just because you skeeves have nothin' better to do doesn't mean I'm planning on spending my entire night among the socially challenged. I've got a date later with the honey I want to be with. [Drue takes his mobile phone out of his pocket and Joey grabs it from him.] Drue: What exactly is your problem with mobile technology? Joey: It's invasive and irritating, like you. You are on a date, and unless you want a repeat of the bodily damage I did to you in the storage room, you start being nice to her. Drue: I get it. You'd like me to be a little more like Pacey. Joey: Well...Now that you mention it, it definitely wouldn't hurt. Drue: Mm-hmm. And he does seem to be enjoying himself, doesn't he? But then, why wouldn't he be? [Anna eventually sinks the putt and she runs over and hugs Pacey for the help.] Anna: Oh! Oh, my god! I did it! Aah! I did it! Ha ha! [Chuckles] Drue: Nice work, you two. Very nice. [Scene: Junior High Library. Jack enters the library to find several children sitting at the tables learning to read from various people. He looks over to see Tobey helping a young child.] Toby: And you use all file groups, right? Kid: Mm-hmm. Toby: Hey, I'll-- I'll be right back. [Chuckles] Well, well. Look who's slummin'. Little Jack sprat. Jack: [Chuckles] I did not come down here to be your whipping boy, Tobey, so, uh, check the attitude at the door, please, and let's get serious for a second. Toby: Clever. [Chuckles] All that and sass, too. Maybe you are one of the tribe after all. Jack: [Chuckles coolly] all right. So, uh... Tell me how this tutoring thing works, exactly. Toby: Uh, you read with them. Encourage them to sound out a word, and them, uh, help them if they can't. Mostly, though, just be nice to 'em. Jack: I can do that. Toby: I know. That's why I asked you down here. Jack: Mmm. [Scene: Gretchen's Car. Gretchen and Jessica are sitting in the front seats, while Dawson and Keira are sitting in the back seats.] Keira: After the impromptu kitchen counter event, which, by the way, I do not recommend if you've left any sharp implements lying around... And the chill factor... Definitely! Just remember that tile is very cold. [All chuckle] Keira: Well, we're in the living room heading for the bedroom, and the next thing I know...Mmmtt! Round 2! The guy needed, like, no recovery time. Oh...Is this too much for you? Dawson: No. [Stammers] it's--it's fascinating. Gretchen: [Chuckling] Keira's... Keira's love life is always a little fascinating. [Both giggling] Jessica: Oh, god. You guys remember this song? Keira: Turn it up! Gretchen: To Jack! There was this guy on our floor-- total Dionne Farris freak! He used to play this on his keyboard to try to impress us. You know it? Dawson: Now it's time for me to be strong vaguely, yeah. Girls: Hello, morning ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Sure missed you last night last night, last night, last night sing it, Dionne! Ha ha ha! [Scene: Inside the Mini Golf House. Joey and Anna are sitting at the table while Pacey and Drue return the equipment.] Anna: So this whole myth that certain girls can't wear red lipstick is a total lie, and it only makes people with yellowish skin tones feel bad about themselves, which is so mean. [Pacey and Drue join them.] Pacey: What's mean? Joey: Uh, we're... Just discussing the beauty industry and how it, uh, manipulates and contorts the perception of ourselves in service of a capitalistic economy. Pacey: Oh. Drue: See what we've been missin', Pacey? An intellectual conversation. Hey, perhaps Anna here can grace us with her opinion on that whole electoral college controversy. Joey: Drue...Lay off. Anna: No, that's ok. I think people should be allowed to go to whatever college they want to. I mean, as long as their parents can afford it, what's the big deal? Drue: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the marveling, idiotic mental feats of Anna Evans. Warning-- do not try this at home or with more than 2 brain cells. Anna: You're such a jerk. Drue: You're the one who ordered your daddy to arrange this whole night for you. You happy now? See, unlike your nose job, I can't be bought. Pacey: Ok. [Snickers] With that happy little anecdote, I think this sick and twisted evening is now over. Drue: It's sweet, isn't it... The way he always rises to the defense of damsels in distress, especially the blonder ones? Pacey: Are we in agreement here that punching him in the face has now completely entered the appropriate zone? Drue: Before you do, answer me one question, Witter. Guy to guy, ok? How come beautiful girls who are dumb as a box of rocks will only put out if you tell 'em they're smart, while the ones who actually are smart will only perform sexual favors if you tell 'em they're beautiful? Anna: This is all my fault. Joey: No, it's not. Nothing is your fault. Anna: Yes, it is. Oh, I can't believe I was so stupid! I feel like such an idiot. Oh! I can't believe I slept with you! [She storms off.] Pacey: I gotta admit I didn't see that one comin'. [Scene: Outside the Club. Gretchen, Dawson, Jessica and Keira pull up and get into line to get into the club.] Gretchen: How you doin'? Dawson: [Chuckling] well... It's been an interesting evening so far. I've been humiliated by my mother. I've learned more about Keira than I think I want to. And, uh... Honestly, I've never felt so 17 in my entire life. Gretchen: My god. Are you really 17? What am I doin' with you? [Chuckles] I'm kidding. Dawson: Ha, ha. Gretchen: Look, Keir, jess, and I are just catching up. It'll be over soon. So the worst of the night is already behind you. Bouncer: How're y'all doin' this evenin'? Gretchen: Good. Bouncer: All right. Drink safe and designate a driver. Dawson: That will be me. I'm not drinking. Bouncer: Are you under 21. Dawson: Yeah. Bouncer: Ok. Let me see your left hand. [He stamps Under 21 on Dawson's hand.] Dawson: [Chuckles] you have no idea how perfectly this encapsulates my life right now. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Docks outside. Anna is standing at the end of one of the piers looking into the water, when Pacey comes walking up to join her.] Pacey: Please tell me that you're not shedding so much as one tear over Drue valentine. The man is a world-class moron. Anna: Yeah, well, if that's the case, shouldn't we be perfect for each other? Pacey: You know how some people are good at books? I'm not at all good with books. People like you and I, we just... We have to figure out what our thing is and then become good at it. Anna: I know what I'm good at. Men. Pacey: [Chuckles] Well, I suppose it's a good thing that you've already figured that out. But there has to be something else that you're good at. Anna: Not really. It's always been the easiest thing for me. But with Drue... I wanted him to like me for more than the way I look. Pacey: You don't know that he doesn't. Anna: Yeah, but Now I'll never know. I blew it. I fell into bed too easily. If I hadn't Do you think he might've liked me? Pacey: I can't answer that. But I can answer you this-- I have only just met you, Anna, and I can already tell that there are a lot of nice things about you... Besides the way you look. And if Drue valentine can't see that, well, that's his loss, not yours. [Scene: Inside the Club. Dawson, Gretchen, and Jessica are sitting at a table when Keira walks up to join them.] Jessica: Ok, so not only does the creep have another girl, but he has another apartment across town that she's living in. Gretchen: Oh! b*st*rd. That's terrible. Jessica: One more for my loser list, which means I edge past you with 7. Keira: Ah, but I'm still the leader with 9. Dawson: What, you--you guys keep a running count of all the losers you've dated? Keira: Well, only the ones we've slept with. Jessica: Yeah, if we'd included the ones we'd also dated, we'd be in the triple digits by now. Gretchen: [All chuckle] But don't worry, Dawson. You're way too nice of a guy to ever end up on my loser list. Keira: Oh, wait. How often have I heard that before? Look, for all of Gretchen's strong points, she's not the best judge of men. But I'm sure that doesn't include you. You--you seem nice. Dawson: Why does everybody keep saying that? I'm not really that nice. Gretchen: [Gretchen chuckles] Well, Dawson, I think she just means you're not the kind of a guy who would take me to a concert, meet another girl in line, then dump me, leaving me to find my own ride back to school. Dawson: That actually happened to you? Keira: Oh, yeah. Loser number 2. Jessica: Well, he's probably no number 6, either. Gretchen: Ok, you know what? Let's not do this. I'm really not drunk enough to sit here and go through the entire list of my life's most embarrassing choices. Jessica: Come on, he doesn't know about lucky. Gretchen: Jess. Dawson: Lucky? Which loser is he? Keira: Lucky is a leprechaun that Gretch had tattooed on her hip to impress... Loser number 5. Jessica: He's a total rocker. Gretchen: But at least it's there to remind me to never, ever date a musician again, no matter how hot or sexy he might be, girl. [The girls chuckle] Gretchen: but that's why I'm so happy to have Dawson. You know, at least I know you won't shred my heart. [Mary Beth Maziarz goes up on stage and begins to play some romantic music, and Gretchen snuggles up close to Dawson as they listen to the music] [Scene: Junior High Library. Jack is working with Will, as he tries to learn to read better.] Will: "And...Then... "They... Took the me-a-su-ra--" ohh, I don't like this story! Jack: [Clears throat] Um... We could read another one. You have to have somethin' ready for class, right? Will: There's nothing good in here! Jack: You know...I used to have the same problem. School stories? Bored me. I mean, where did they come up with this stuff? You know, I bet you, you and I, we could make up a better story. Have you ever done that? You just sit around in your room, and just think up your own story? Will: Sometimes... I guess. Jack: Yeah? Ok. Will... Tell me about a story you thought up. Will: I had this...Idea about...[Chuckles]... About aliens takin' me to the moon. Jack: See, that's perfect. I love that. That's great. Ok. See, what we're gonna do, you're gonna tell me a story, I'm gonna write it down. Monday you tell it to your class. Will: Can I do that? Jack: Yeah. Sure. I mean, the assignment was to read "a story." It can be whatever you want. Except there's one rule. You can only use words that you can spell. Deal? Will: Ok. Jack: Ok. Gimme a title. Will: Beam me to the moon... A story about a spaceship that Jack: Well, hold on, hold oooonnnn. How do you spell "beam"? Will: B-E... E-M? Jack: Close. Close. Very close. Look it up, buddy. [Jack hands him a Children's Dictionary.] Will: "B-e-a-m"? Oh, yeah. And "spaceship..." S-p-a-c-e-s-h-i-p. Is that right? Jack: Absolutely. And that's a tough one to spell. I'm very impressed. Keep goin'. [Tobey looks on from out of sight.] [Scene: The Mini Golf house. Drue is hitting on two girls when Joey comes walking up to join him.] Drue: Anytime. Come to the yacht club. I'll take you out on one of my boats. Ok? Joey: Drue, I think it's time we talk about the baby. I think you need to take responsibility and marry me. [The two girls leave.] Drue: You know, everyone here thinks you're so sweet, but I know better. You're really a minion from the deep, sent here to make my life a living hell. Joey: Mmm. Hell would be too good for you. Think you could try to explain to me how you can sleep with her and then treat her like that? Have you no capacity for human kindness? Drue: Very little. Joey: How does someone like you end up so Drue: Damaged? Joey: Completely. Drue: Just lucky, I guess. Joey: You have this whole witty Drue routine you do. But it's just a front for some really scared kid who's desperate for people to love him and desperately trying to keep any sort of intimacy away. Drue: Mmm. How insightful. Joey: It doesn't take a PhD. To interpret your behavior. It's classic first grade. You know what? You keep acting like this, and your worst fear's gonna come true-- you're gonna walk through life alone. Drue: I'm not really good with girls. I'm actually incredibly bad with them. [Joey is quite shocked at this.] Joey: How come? Drue: My guess? Uh... Spending my formative years in all-boys institutions. Pretty much all I know how to do is pick on women or sleep with them. I was never around them much longer to get good at doing anything else. Joey: You're doing something else right now. I mean... You're being honest and...And real. You should work on that. [Drue looks over Joey's shoulder to see Anna and Pacey enter.] Drue: They look kinda cute together, don't they? Yeah. They have that warm, wondrous glow of 2 people who've had s*x. Not...With each other... Of course. Seperat--oh, you get my drift. Oh, whoops. I forgot. That's a subject you know absolutely nothing about. [Pacey and Anna walk over to join them.] Anna: I can't believe you spent the whole summer on a boat. My dad could totally use someone like you. He's always looking for help, and I'm, like, "sailing? No way." [Pacey puts his hand affectionately onto Joey's shoulder then takes her hand.] Pacey: Well, you just haven't done it with the right person yet. [Scene: Junior High Library. Jack is finishing up with Will and he is getting ready to go.] Jack: All right. Next week have another one ready. Will: Mm-hmm. Jack: Good job, buddy. [Will meets his mother at the door and they leave.] Toby: It's the first time I've seen will excited about comin' back. Jack: Yeah, well, he's a good kid. He just needed to be interested in somethin'. Toby: And you got him there. That must feel good. Jack: Feels great, actually. I'm all wired from it. [Both chuckle] Toby: Good. Hey, I'm, um, meetin' some friends for coffee around the corner. Why don't you come? Um... I promise not to keep you out too late. Jack: Ok. Yeah. Just-- just for a little bit, though. [Scene: Outside the Club Dawson, Gretchen and her friends are leaving the club after listening to the band.] Jessica: Wow! I do not want to get in a car and drive back yet. Gretchen: I know. It went so fast. I feel like we've barely talked. Keira: I know what this group needs-- some French fries and some black-and-tans. Gretchen: Dex's! Jessica: Dex's! Gretchen: Oh, you'll love Dex's. It's one of our favorite places. Dawson: Uh, I probably can't get in. Keira: Oh, they never used to card. They probably still don't. [Dawson hold up his hand with Under 21 still on it.] Jessica: Oh. Right. That. Dawson: Yeah. So...You-- you guys go. Gretchen: Without you? Dawson: Yeah. Just 'cause I can't get in doesn't mean the evening should end for everybody. So you guys go. Have a great time. And I'll--I'll take a cab back. Gretchen: No. Don't be ridiculous. No. We've been drinking. You take the car. We'll get the cab. Dawson: Ok. Ah. Gretchen: God, I have the best boyfriend. [She Kisses him.] I'll call you tomorrow. Dawson: Ok. Gretchen: Ok. [Gretchen gives him her keys.] Jessica: Bye, Dawson. Keira: It was great to meet you. Bye. Dawson: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the Yacht Club. Joey, Pacey, Drue and Anna all get out of the car after she has pulled up.] Anna: Guess this is it. Sorry about that whole left turn from the right lane thing. Drue: You know what? These--these lanes, they aren't even really marked right on this part of Market Street. Anna: It was nice meeting you, Joey. Joey: You, too. Anna: Oh, I almost forgot. I feel really weird keeping this. [Anna hands him a stuffed Bear.] Pacey: Ahh, it was your quarter. Well, I think Joey would like it. Joey: Thank you. Anna: Good night. Joey: Good night. Pacey: Good night. [Joey and Pacey leave] Drue: Um... If you ever want to go out...Again sometime... You don't have to get my mother to coerce me. You know? Anna: I won't. I promise. Drue: And thanks for letting me off the hook about not calling. Most girls would consider that completely unforgivable. Anna: Well, I don't, but... I'm easy. Drue: [Chuckles] That's cute... The way you sort of make fun of yourself. Anna: Cute--likable or cute--annoying ditz? Drue: No. Likable. Definitely. Definitely. [Scene: Mr. Brook's House. Grams and Mr. Brooks are playing Scrabble by the fireplace.] Grams: If I'd only had an "s," I could have bingos. [Chuckles] you all right, Arthur? Mr. Brooks: Oh, just a little tired. Grams: Well, why don't we stop, then? I should be getting home, anyway. [She notices him smiling]What? Mr. Brooks: I'm kinda glad that leery kid stole my boat. Grams: [Chuckles] we'd met before. Barbara Seibertz brought you to the church bazaar. And you purchased 2 of my apple pies... After complaining bitterly that they were highly overpriced. Mr. Brooks: They were peach and worth every penny. Grams: Mmm. A compliment. 10 years late, but nice to have, all the same. [Grams starts to put away the scrabble Grams, and notices a box filled with the pills that Mr. Brooks has been hiding.] Mr. Brooks: [Chuckles] I have to stay alert if I'm gonna play scrabble with you. Grams: This is not funny, Arthur. You've been hoarding your medication for weeks. Arthur-- Mr. Brooks: Please. [Sighs] I knew you'd understand. Grams: How could I possibly understand something like this? Mr. Brooks: Because you know that living without dignity is not living. Grams: Now, this is in god's hands, Arthur. There is a natural course of events. Mr. Brooks: [Sighs] as long as I can think for myself, I determine them. I mean, this doesn't belong in god's hands or in yours. It belongs in mine. Look, with all your faith, do you really want any less for yourself? Hmm? [She bends down and gives him a kiss on the cheek.] [Clears throat] good night. Grams: Good night, Arthur. [Scene: The Coffee House. Jack and Tobey come in and see a table with 2 guys sitting at it, as they wave over to them Jack realizes that they are a couple.] Toby: So, pick your poison. Regular or decaf? Jack: Can I talk to you? You didn't tell me we were meeting another couple. Toby: Uh, I--I--I didn't think it was important. Jack: Yeah. It kind of is, Tobey. It's Saturday night, late. You want me to meet your friends. I'm beginning to think this is more than just coffee to you. Is it? Toby: Actually, uh, I'd really like it if it were. Jack: The tutoring thing. You start that because of me? Toby: It--it's possible that maybe part of the reason... Well, a big part. I thought it was something that we could do together. Jack: So everything you said about being friends is-- was just a set-up to be with me. Toby: No. Jen said that if I wanted to get to know you I should try to be your friend, so I'm trying. That's all. Jack: Friends, yeah. That--that's fine... But I want to make something clear that there's not gonna be anything more, ever. Toby: Why not? Jack: Tobey, we don't click, and even if you wanted to change that, you--you couldn't. I mean, that's just the way it is. Look, I know this isn't gonna make you feel any better, but I really do wish we had something. [Sighs] I don't know-- I don't know if this is such a good idea for us to do this tutoring thing together. Toby: Jack, you're great at it. You've got to keep going. I'll, um, I'll find something else. Jack: Yeah. That--that's-- forget I said that. That--that's crazy. There's no reason for either one of us to--to quit... As long as you have no problem with us just being Toby: No. I'm fine. That's fine. Jack: I'll see you next Saturday. [Scene: Dawson's House. Dawson comes into the house to find his mother sitting on the house half asleep.] Dawson: Waiting up for me? Gale: I'm a mother. That's what we do. [Sighs] Did you have a good time? Dawson: Uh...No. [Laughs] no. I didn't, actually. Figure I'll end up number 7 on the loser list. Gale: And what does that mean? Dawson: It means that... As much as I hate to admit it, I think you were right about Gretchen and me. Gale: No, honey. I'm not. I was wrong... And I have been sitting here all night long regretting what I said to you earlier. Like it or not, I'm gonna have to let my first baby go. Dawson: But I probably will get hurt. I mean, Gretchen's just got a lot more life experience than I do. Gale: All of her experiences make her the person that she is. Dawson: I know. Gale: Someone who is clearly crazy about you. That's why it's important to just see where it goes and not be afraid to put your heart at risk. That's the only way that you will ever find love... Again. [Knock on door] Gretchen: I hope it's not too late. Dawson: No. Come on in. Gretchen: Hi. Gale: Hi, Gretchen, and, uh, good night. I think I should get off to bed. Dawson: Good night, mom. Gale: Good night, honey.[Dawson goes back into the living room.] Uh, Gretchen. I don't know what happened tonight, but I hope we both agree that Dawson will never be number 7 on any list. [Gale goes up to bed and Gretchen joins Dawson in the living room.] Gretchen: If it makes you feel any better, as soon as I got to Dex's, I felt bad, and I had the cab bring me here instead. Dawson: Actually, it does. Gretchen: And the good part was that I got the uncensored new guy evaluation, and they were invariably wowed and impressed. Dawson: And the age thing didn't bother them? Gretchen: No, and even if it did, I don't really care what they think about your age. I mean, it doesn't bother me. Dawson: It bothers me... All right? There are things that I want to do with you, like take you to a little club, or order a bottle of wine at dinner. You know, go to a bar with your friends. I don't want to be some guy who's holding you back from what you want to do. Gretchen: I'm doing exactly what I wanna do. I'm with you. Dawson: Earlier tonight, you said that I would never be the kind of guy who would shred your heart. You're right. I would never intentionally hurt you, but... I can't be the nice guy that you date after a bad relationship because there's no risk involved. I need to know that I've made some sort of impression. Gretchen: It's already done. Dawson: Really? Gretchen: Oh, yeah. [They begin to kiss.] Dawson: So, when do I get to see lucky? Gretchen: [Laughs] We'll see. [Scene: Pacey and Gretchen's place. Pacey and Joey are sitting on the couch talking.] Joey: So, in his own like-like way, he was just freaked out because she liked him back. Pacey: Well, that kind of freaks me out, too, though. Why on earth would she give him another chance? She seemed like a perfectly reasonable girl, you know? It kinda makes you wonder. Joey: [Laughs] yeah. Pacey: Sleeping with somebody you just met is totally reasonable. Well, you know, maybe it's a little rash, but to be perfectly honest, 2 people do something that they both want to do that's completely natural, I don't exactly think that's crazy. Joey: Unlike what we're doing? Pacey: What are you talking about? Joey: The thing that we don't talk about, Pace. We have a problem. Pacey: Yes, we do. I mean, it used to be this little problem that we could easily ignore, but by doing that, all we really did was make it bigger, and now, unfortunately, it's so damn big it's starting to obscure my view of you. Joey: So, basically you're saying that if I don't sleep with you soon, we're gonna break up, and it's gonna be all my fault? Pacey: No. No. Not at all. I'm agreeing with you. I'm saying that we have a problem, and this is something that we need to talk about. I'm not saying in any way that it is your fault somehow that we have-- Joey: Because it's not. I mean, we talked about this, Pacey, and--and you were fine with waiting. Pacey: I have been fine with waiting. I have been too scared to sleep with you too soon. I don't want to do anything that is gonna jeopardize the most amazing relationship that I've ever had. Jo, I am happy that you and I took the time to really fall in love with each other, but we're here now, Jo. This is 8 months and counting. So, I just--I-- I want... I need for you to know that if our relationship is not gonna be progressing onto that next level... It's not because of me. Joey: Pacey... I want you... I really do. Pacey: I need to know that. Joey: Know it. I don't really know what's wrong, but, um... I just keep holding back. I'm sorry, but I'm scared. Pacey: Well, good. Joey: What? Pacey: Do you think I'm not scared? I'm terrified, Jo. Joey: You are? Pacey: Yeah. Joey: [Laughs] so then, can we just be scared together? [Scene: Mr. Brooks' House. Dawson comes up to the door and begins to knock on it.] Dawson: Mr. Brooks. [Sighs, and goes inside] Dawson: Mr. Brooks. Mr. Brooks? Where is he? [He looks around the house and he goes into the living room to find Mr. Brooks unconscious on the floor.]

The senior trip is coming up and Joey needs to get the time off from work - not an easy task seeing that Drue's nasty mother is her boss. However, she decides to give Joey a few days off if she agrees to go on a double date with Pacey and a wealthy girl named Anna Evans. During their night out, Joey starts to get concerned about Drue's offensive behavior towards Anna. Dawson has his own problems when he and Gretchen go out with her friends and he is surprised at the problems their age gap cause. Jack gets some positive attention from Toby.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x13

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x13_0

"THE INVASION" BY DERRICK SHERWIN FROM A STORY BY KIT PEDLER First broadcast - 16th November 1968 Running time - 23 minutes 44 seconds [SCENE_BREAK] 1. WAREHOUSE (PACKER watches the guards load the unconscious forms of ZOE and ISOBEL into two of the crates.) PACKER: Load it onto the return van. (JAMIE sees the guards pick up the crates.) JAMIE: Zoe's there! (JAMIE starts to charge out of his hiding place.) DOCTOR: (Dismayed.) No, Jamie, wait. (JAMIE rounds the corner and tackles PACKER to the floor.) PACKER: (Shouting.) GUARDS! GUARDS! (JAMIE lets go of PACKER and he and the DOCTOR start to run away. Meanwhile, the other guards and some friends of theirs hear PACKER's cries and turn towards them. The DOCTOR tries to lead JAMIE away but their way is blocked by more guards. PACKER draws his revolver as he pulls up off the floor and gloats at the DOCTOR and JAMIE, and their raised hands of surrender.) PACKER: Like rats in a trap... You really don't learn, do you? This is private property. A restricted area. JAMIE: Where's Zoe? Where have you taken her?! PACKER: Be quiet! JAMIE: Look, we heard them scream. If you hurt her... PACKER: BE QUIET! (JAMIE lunges for Packer's throat, but PACKER catches JAMIE and easily hurls him back across the wall. PACKER intends further damage to JAMIE's well-being until VAUGHN steps into the room.) VAUGHN: Packer! You really must try and control this violent streak in your nature, Packer. Although I must admit, the situation is provoking. (To the DOCTOR and JAMIE.) So here you are again. You really are beginning to try our patience, you know. JAMIE: (Nodding at PACKER.) And he's beginning to try mine. DOCTOR: Jamie, Jamie. (To VAUGHN.) We came here looking for two friends of ours. VAUGHN: Two young ladies? Yes? JAMIE: So he admits they are here. VAUGHN: (Laughs.) Ha ha. Correction - they were. It would seem that you have been chasing each other's tails. They came here - looking for you. DOCTOR: Where are they now? VAUGHN: Why, they left of course. JAMIE: Aye, carted off by two of your thugs in a box. (VAUGHN smiles.) VAUGHN: Oh really... JAMIE: Look it's true. We heard them scream and I saw some of Zoe's clothes trapped in the lid. VAUGHN: You really do have a very fertile imagination, young man. JAMIE: Now listen you, I'm telling... I definitely saw those... DOCTOR: Jamie, Jamie. (To VAUGHN.) It would set our minds at rest if we could take a look inside those boxes. VAUGHN: Then you shall. (To PACKER.) Packer, I assume the only crates going out of here are the empty ones being returned to the factory. PACKER: Yes sir, they're loading now, sir. VAUGHN: Then you shall inspect them at your leisure. After you. DOCTOR: How kind. (VAUGHN gestures for them to lead the way. On the way out, he turns and signals to PACKER. PACKER turns on a small wristwatch radio he is wearing.) PACKER: This is Packer. Get the return van moving - immediately. Do you understand? Immediately! [SCENE_BREAK] 2. OUTSIDE (The DOCTOR, JAMIE, and VAUGHN emerge into open air to find they've just missed the train carrying the boxes.) VAUGHN: Ah, just too late, I'm afraid. Such a pity. Still, all is not lost - I am myself going down to the factory today. Care to join me? We can meet the train on its arrival. DOCTOR: That's very civil of you. VAUGHN: My pleasure. (The three turn back into the building.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. UNIT AEROPLANE (The BRIGADIER is on the radio to his surveillance crews.) BRIGADIER: How long ago did they go in? BENTON: (OOV.) Some time ago, sir. Tracy followed them as far as the official boundary of the railway sidings. They went in about an hour ago. BRIGADIER: Is Tracy still round there? BENTON: (OOV.) Yes sir. BRIGADIER: Right, stick around for a while... BENTON: (OOV.) Just a minute, sir. BRIGADIER: What is it, Benton? BENTON: (OOV.) The Doctor and the boy. They're coming out sir... with Vaughn. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. CAR (The DOCTOR and VAUGHN climb into VAUGHN's very large private car. JAMIE darts round the car and takes the front seat, to the annoyance of PACKER, who wanted it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. UNIT AEROPLANE BRIGADIER: Benton, what's happening? WHAT'S HAPPENING? BENTON: (OOV.) Oh, sorry sir. Nothing really, they've all got into Vaughn's private car... oh, they're driving off, sir. BRIGADIER: Is any force being used? BENTON: (OOV.) No, not that I can see. Packer was there but it looked very friendly to me. Shall we follow? BRIGADIER: No, I have them tracked more discretely. Over and out. (He signs off, and then turns to Sergeant WALTERS.) BRIGADIER: Sergeant Walters. WALTERS: Yes sir? BRIGADIER: Alert all area patrols in section three. (He turns to TURNER.) BRIGADIER: Did you hear all that, Jimmy? WALTERS: Yes sir. BRIGADIER: Look, we'll get you aboard a chopper and you can rendezvous with the tracking agent. WALTERS: All right, sir. Are there any specific instructions? BRIGADIER: No, we're playing a bit by ear for the moment, so try to keep out of trouble. Should the Doctor contract us for help, I have his signal relayed straight to you. WALTERS: Right, sir. (He walks off towards the exit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. IE'S COUNTRY HQ (VAUGHN's car drives to the main gate of the countryside IE compound the DOCTOR, ZOE and JAMIE left earlier. The guards open the gates and allow the car to drive through. As they close the gates, they see a helicopter hovering nearby, watching them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. HELICOPTER (Inside the chopper, the Captain is on the radio.) TURNER: They've just gone into the IE area, sir. Should we follow? [SCENE_BREAK] 8. UNIT AEROPLANE BRIGADIER: No, circle the area. We can't really do anything until we get a request from the Doctor. TURNER: (OOV.) Standing by, sir. BRIGADIER: Oh, and Jimmy, keep out of sight. If Vaughn's private army see you, they might have the wind, and they might make things rather unhealthy for the Doctor and the boy. Over and out. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. IE'S COUNTRY HQ (VAUGHN's car parks next to the main building and PACKER, VAUGHN, JAMIE, and the DOCTOR climb out. The security guards in front of the building all give a loud militaristic salute as VAUGHN passes them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. LIFT (Inside the building, VAUGHN leads the party to the end of a corridor and a lift.) JAMIE: Hey, what's happening? I thought we were looking for Zoe and Isobel. VAUGHN: All in good time, young man. The train on the indicator will take some time to get here. In the meantime, I'd rather like to talk to you. DOCTOR: Oh really? VAUGHN: Yes... Those circuits you gave me, they're rather fascinating. I'd like to know more about them. (The door opens.) VAUGHN: This way gentleman. DOCTOR: Thank you. VAUGHN: Packer. (When the lift reaches its destination, the four people file out, but VAUGHN and PACKER lag behind - PACKER in the doorway, VAUGHN in the corridor.) VAUGHN: Be a good fellow and see if Professor Watkins is finished, will you? PACKER: Very good, Mr. Vaughn. (The lift door starts to close but PACKER stops it.) VAUGHN: You might offer him a little encouragement. (To the DOCTOR and JAMIE, walking off.) Coming gentlemen. (PACKER climbs back into the lift and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (JAMIE, the DOCTOR, and VAUGHN enter VAUGHN's office. JAMIE gapes in astonishment because this office is exactly the same as the one in London - the video screens, the swirly patterned carpet, the desk, the window (with a different view, of course), everything.) JAMIE: Hey!? Doctor, it's... VAUGHN: Confusing, isn't it? JAMIE: Exactly the same as your office in London. VAUGHN: In all basic assertions - yes it is. That's the secret of my success, you see: uniformity, duplication. My whole empire is based on that principle. The very essence of business efficiency. Do sit down. DOCTOR: Oh, how kind. (The DOCTOR sits down - JAMIE turns and stares out of the window at the different view.) VAUGHN: I must say I'm rather glad that we have this opportunity to talk. DOCTOR: Really? VAUGHN: I should of course be angry with you. You've thwarted my elaborate security precautions twice. I'd like to know why. DOCTOR: Oh, that's quite simple. I hate computers, and refuse to be bullied by them. VAUGHN: Your young friend Zoe... JAMIE: Well, what about her? VAUGHN: She appears to have the same instincts. She so confused one of my computers, she ruined its memory store. JAMIE: (Turning from the window.) So that's why your thugs dragged her and Isobel away. VAUGHN: My dear young man, I wasn't angry with her. On the contrary, I found the incident quite amusing. She's a remarkable girl. And you, Doctor, are obviously a man of no mean scientific ability. DOCTOR: Why do you say that? VAUGHN: Oh, my research department found these... (He pulls the TARDIS circuits from a breast pocket.) ...quite fascinating, particularly the illogical factor in their construction. Are they your own invention? (The DOCTOR gives a noncommittal answer, with his eyes fixing themselves on something interesting on the ceiling.) VAUGHN: Ah, you're determined to guard your secret, I see. (He puts the circuits down.) VAUGHN: I don't blame you. I promise not to pry any more. In fact, I'll do all I can to help you. DOCTOR: Oh, how kind. VAUGHN: Now you say you came here looking for Professor Watkins because you thought that he might be able to help you. DOCTOR: Yes. VAUGHN: Then I'll "try" to persuade him to put aside his work and um... concentrate his efforts on your behalf. Make yourself at home. (VAUGHN stands and walks out of the room.) JAMIE: Look, you're not going to trust him, are you? What about Zoe and Isobel? DOCTOR: I haven't forgotten them, Jamie. JAMIE: They're in that box, I'm sure of it. DOCTOR: Jamie, we're not going to help Zoe by annoying Mr. Vaughn, are we. JAMIE: I don't think you can annoy that man even if you want to. He's being as nice as pie. DOCTOR: He's too nice. JAMIE: Why should he be? DOCTOR: I don't know. He was a little too interested in these circuits for my liking. JAMIE: Hey, you think he knows about the TARDIS then? DOCTOR: (Surprised.) Well, I don't see how he could do. JAMIE: Perhaps this Professor Watkins will be able to tell us what's going on around here. DOCTOR: Yes, that's what's worrying me. JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: If... if Vaughn has anything to hide, why is he letting us talk to Watkins. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. LABORATORY (PACKER is talking with a bearded man (WATKINS).) PACKER: I'd think about it if I was you, Professor. After all, she is a pretty girl. It'll be a shame to spoil all that. WATKINS: What a vicious sadist you are, Packer. I don't believe you anyway. PACKER: I don't make idle threats, Professor, as you well know. If you want to see that girl again in one piece, I suggest you do as Mr. Vaughn asks. WATKINS: How do I know you haven't already harmed her. If you got her... (VAUGHN enters the room.) VAUGHN: You can take my word for that, Professor. WATKINS: Your word. (Laughing.) Oh, I know how much value I can put on that. VAUGHN: Harsh words, Professor, harsh words. (To PACKER.) Any progress? (VAUGHN crosses the laboratory to examine a tangle of technology on the table.) VAUGHN: So you haven't yet completed the machine. WATKINS: No, and I don't intend to. VAUGHN: Oh I think you will, Professor. Much as I detest violence... I find it difficult to restrain Packer's... er... indisputable talent for persuasion. Your niece is in our custody, and unless you do as I ask, I shall hand her over to Packer. The choice is yours... WATKINS: (Thinks.) If I do co-operate, will you let her go? VAUGHN: (Laughs.) Oh no, she's our guarantee, but she'll come to no harm. WATKINS: All right. But I must see Isobel first. VAUGHN: Of course. Oh, there is just one other thing. (WATKINS looks hard at him.) VAUGHN: Don't look at me so suspiciously, my dear Professor. It's merely that there are some friends of yours that wish to see you. WATKINS: Friends? VAUGHN: (Purrs.) Yes, they're going to great pains to seek you out. WATKINS: But I haven't been allowed visitors since I came here. Why are you suddenly considerate? I might tell them everything. VAUGHN: Everything? My dear Professor, you know nothing that can harm me. And besides, there's always Isobel to consider, isn't there. PACKER: Or would you rather leave her to me. VAUGHN: Now, now, Packer. The Professor's going to do exactly as we ask, aren't you. (WATKINS looks totally defeated.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR and JAMIE are looking out the window in VAUGHN's office at something interesting in the compound.) JAMIE: Can you see? DOCTOR: Yes, Jamie, I can see. Let's have a closer look at that, shall we? (The DOCTOR takes an extending telescope from a pocket and rests it on JAMIE's shoulder to get a better look.) DOCTOR: Now just hold still a minute. Keep your shoulder still. (Through the lens he sees three large white spheres resting on buildings.) DOCTOR: That's odd. That's very odd. JAMIE: What is it? DOCTOR: It looks like a deep-space radio communication system. What's it doing here? JAMIE: Don't ask me. You're the brains. (JAMIE then sees something else.) JAMIE: Hey, a helicopter. Could it be the Brigadier's lot? (He hears something.) JAMIE: Shh. (Understanding the meaning, the DOCTOR and JAMIE turn round just in time to see PACKER enter.) PACKER: Come on. (The DOCTOR and JAMIE pass him to leave the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. UNIT AEROPLANE (Sergeant WALTERS is manning the radio.) WALTERS: Hold on, sir, he's just here. (He turns as the BRIGADIER approaches.) WALTERS: Sir, it's Captain Turner. BRIGADIER: (Into the microphone.) Yes, Jimmy. Any news? TURNER: (OOV.) No, sir. Not a sign of them. BRIGADIER: Right, stay in the area. We daren't make a move until we hear from the Doctor. Over and out. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. LABORATORY (WATKINS, the DOCTOR, and JAMIE are alone in WATKINS' lab.) WATKINS: Yes, of course, I remember Anne Travers telling me about you. She was a student of mine, you know, some years ago - brilliant girl, brilliant. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, they... they went to America, didn't they? WATKINS: Oh, Travers was getting past it, a little you know, and Anne had persuaded him to go with her. DOCTOR: Oh yes. (The DOCTOR looks around the room, still nervously and suspiciously.) WATKINS: What are you doing here? DOCTOR: Well, it's a long story... [SCENE_BREAK] 16. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (VAUGHN stands in his office, confiding events to PACKER.) VAUGHN: This strange Doctor has been on another planet, Packer. PACKER: That's not possible! VAUGHN: It is a fact, Packer. He has some sort of machine. Now let's see if we can learn more about it shall we? Switch on, Packer... with sound. (PACKER throws a switch, and a view of the lab and the DOCTOR's voice appear on the monitors in the room, and Packer smiles as he realises this is the reason VAUGHN wanted them to talk alone.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) ...so we went to see Mr. Vaughn. He said you were working on something important. PACKER: I see... That's why you want to leave them alone together. VAUGHN: Exactly, Packer. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR has spotted something on a wall.) JAMIE: But the Doctor needs some help with some electronic circuits that the TARDIS has. WATKINS: Really? JAMIE: Aye, aye... DOCTOR: Jamie, Jamie... I don't think the Professor wants to hear about that. WATKINS: On the contrary, from what Anne told me of the TARDIS, it's most intriguing... I'd like to hear a lot more about... DOCTOR: Professor, I... think that I should warn you that Anne Travers allowed her imagination to run a little wild. WATKINS: (Turning to JAMIE.) You mean to say that there is no such machine. JAMIE: Of course there is... DOCTOR: Jamie, I think that there are other more important things to talk about at the moment. (While saying this, the DOCTOR points to the camera, from out if its shot. JAMIE and WATKINS catch on.) JAMIE: Oh, I see, yes. DOCTOR: Professor, tell us about what you're doing. (The DOCTOR fumbles in his pockets for something.) WATKINS: Oh, it's very simple, really. I've been developing some new kind of teaching Machine. DOCTOR: Oh yes? A teaching machine? JAMIE: What's it called? WATKINS: I call it the Cerebraton Mentor. The main difference from the other teaching machines is that it is able to induce emotional changes in the subject. JAMIE: Oh. (The DOCTOR suddenly places a small piece of metal up against the camera's box.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (The picture and sound from the monitor disappear, to be replaced by static.) PACKER: Could it have broken down? VAUGHN: Let's check. (VAUGHN, via the controls on his desk, checks other cameras to see if it's just the screen that's broken down. All the others are working perfectly.) VAUGHN: All the other monitors are functioning. PACKER: Yeah? VAUGHN: Our friend, the Doctor, is a resourceful man. No wonder our allies fear him. PACKER: (Surprised.) Our allies know him?! VAUGHN: Oh yes, I was ordered to destroy him. First I must know the secrets of this extraordinary machine of his. PACKER: If you've been ordered to destroy him... (VAUGHN rounds on PACKER and shouts loudly:) VAUGHN: I DON'T TAKE ORDERS. I GIVE THEM! Now, I think the time has come to stop playing games with this Doctor! (He turns to walk out of the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR is looking over the machine.) WATKINS: But what can we do? If, as you say, they have Isobel and your young friend, then we are entirely at their mercy. DOCTOR: Oh no, not entirely. There's my friend the Brigadier, remember. WATKINS: Do you think he can help us? DOCTOR: Possibly. But quickly, what is Vaughn up to? What's he doing here? WATKINS: I don't know more than you do. He's a ruthless man, without morals or principles. His object, I'm sure, is to get complete control of the electronics industry of the world! DOCTOR: (Faintly.) I wonder... I've got a nasty feeling that he's aiming somewhat higher than that... (JAMIE, listening at the door, turns rapidly about.) JAMIE: Doctor, quick, somebody's coming. (Before the DOCTOR can undo his work to the camera, VAUGHN enters.) VAUGHN: Don't bother, Doctor. Allow me. (VAUGHN looks at the piece of metal on the camera.) VAUGHN: Very ingenious. A simple magnet. I congratulate you. (He hands the magnet back to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: (Staring straight ahead.) Oh how kind. VAUGHN: However, you must surely realise that it has forced me to consider other methods to make you talk. JAMIE: What are you going to do? VAUGHN: Your friend, Zoe, is due to arrive here shortly. JAMIE: So you have got her! Listen, if you have harmed her in any way... (He moves forward to grab VAUGHN but PACKER and a guard grab him.) VAUGHN: You may still be adolescent enough to make idle threats, young man, but I can assure you, I am not. (To the DOCTOR.) I want your travel machine, Doctor. Otherwise, I shall hand your friend Zoe over to Packer. It's a simple choice, and it shouldn't take you longer than an hour to consider. Take them away, Packer. (PACKER escorts the DOCTOR and JAMIE, giving them a little push as they pass him.) DOCTOR & JAMIE: All right, all right. PACKER: (To the guard.) Leave them to me, I'll take them. VAUGHN: Now, Professor, I suggest you continue with your work. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. CORRIDOR (The DOCTOR, JAMIE and PACKER are walking down the corridor.) DOCTOR: Oh dear. You know Jamie, I've always been rather scared of lifts. JAMIE: Why? DOCTOR: I don't even like to start them. You'll have to push the button for me. PACKER: Keep your mouth shut and do as you're told. DOCTOR: (Significantly.) Yes, Jamie. Do as you're told. (JAMIE nods recognition and steps into the lift.) JAMIE: Oh, I see... PACKER: Be quiet! (The DOCTOR suddenly turns round.) DOCTOR: Packer! Mr. Packer, I obviously can't let you harm Zoe, so I'll have to tell you all you want to know - now. PACKER: You mean, you're willing to talk? DOCTOR: Yes, I'm sure Mister Vaughn... (Looking over PACKER's shoulder.) Oh, there he is now... (PACKER turns round to look at VAUGHN, but VAUGHN isn't coming. The DOCTOR instantly pushes Packer to the floor...) JAMIE: Quick, Doctor. (...and leaps into the lift with JAMIE, who instantly closes the door and starts the lift.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. LIFT DOCTOR: Your knife... Give me your knife. (JAMIE gives him his knife. He uses it to prise the cover off the lift's control panel.) JAMIE: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: Try to break the circuit. (The DOCTOR looks set to yank the wires.) JAMIE: What would that do? DOCTOR: It will either stop the lift, or send us out of control. JAMIE: But we're six floors up. DOCTOR: Well, we've got to take that risk. Hold tight, here we go. (He pulls the wires and the lift shudders to a sudden stop.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (PACKER is reporting the escape to VAUGHN in the office, and VAUGHN is not at all pleased.) VAUGHN: Why are you so gullible, Packer? PACKER: Just wait until I get a hold of them... I do... VAUGHN: You'll do nothing! I want them in one piece. (A call comes over PACKER's wrist radio.) PACKER: Packer here. Have you got 'em? (He listens.) PACKER: Well, what happened!? (Listens again.) PACKER: STUCK! HOW!? (Listens.) PACKER: WELL, GET ON WITH IT MAN! (To VAUGHN, hardly able to believe what he is saying.) The lift is struck between the fourth and fifth floors. VAUGHN: So I gathered, Packer. PACKER: Well, it's obviously a mechanical fault... (He breaks off, while VAUGHN looks on.) PACKER: Wait a minute... HE did it! (Referring to the DOCTOR.) VAUGHN: Yes, Packer. Our clever Doctor has outwitted you. Oh, then that wouldn't be too difficult, would it? PACKER: Well, it won't do him much good, will it? After all, he can't get anywhere, can he? VAUGHN: No, but then why do it? (He thinks to himself.) VAUGHN: He might be playing for time. But I doubt it. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. LIFT DOCTOR: There was a fifty-fifty chance, Jamie. JAMIE: Yes, but what good has it done us. I mean, we're stuck here in this lift now. DOCTOR: No, no it's the lift that's stuck. Not us. Look! (He draws JAMIE's attention to the emergency door at the top of the lift.) JAMIE: Hey, where does that lead to? DOCTOR: Out into the lift shaft, I imagine. Quickly, on your back. (He bends down to allow JAMIE to climb up to it.) JAMIE: You know something? You're a clever wee chappie! [SCENE_BREAK] 24. CORRIDOR (PACKER is talking into the wrist radio whilst surrounded by guards.) PACKER: Switch over to the emergency circuits. I want that lift operational in three minutes! (He turns to speak to the guards assembled in front of him.) PACKER: I want all lift exits covered. I want a man on each floor. MOVE! (The guards do so - rather fast. When they clear, we can see VAUGHN approaching PACKER.) VAUGHN: Don't panic, Packer. Our birds can't fly away. [SCENE_BREAK] 25. LIFT SHAFT (JAMIE emerges onto the top of the lift and sees that they have a long climb ahead of them. He then helps the DOCTOR to scramble out of the lift.) DOCTOR: Thank you, Jamie. (He looks up at the huge shaft.) DOCTOR: Oh my word! Well, that's a long way up, isn't it? Oh well, we'd better get cracking before they realise what's happened. First I'd better shut this. (He then closes the emergency door, and then leads the way up the ladder on the side of the lift shaft.) JAMIE: Hey, Doctor? I've just been thinking. What happens if they get the lift going before we reach the top? DOCTOR: Oh, that's simple. JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: We get squashed. JAMIE: What! Well, come on! (They start to climb - the DOCTOR first, and then JAMIE.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. CORRIDOR (PACKER gets a report on his wrist radio.) PACKER: (Into radio.) Right! (To VAUGHN.) They've switched over the circuits. The lift's working! VAUGHN: (Bored.) How splendid! Bring it up here. PACKER: (Into the wrist radio.) Bring it up to the sixth floor. [SCENE_BREAK] 27. LIFT SHAFT (As they climb, JAMIE hears a clanging noise.) JAMIE: Hey, that's not what I think it is, is it? DOCTOR: I'm very much afraid it is. Come on! (They start climbing faster, but JAMIE looks down and sees that the lift is rising quickly.) JAMIE: We'll never make it! DOCTOR: Yes, we will! Come on! (The lift suddenly stops.) JAMIE: It stopped! DOCTOR: They must be checking it. Come on, they may guess where we are and come after us. [SCENE_BREAK] 28. LIFT (The lift doors open and PACKER enters, gun ready. He is followed by VAUGHN.) PACKER: They vanished! They just vanished! VAUGHN: (Roaring.) CHECK THE OTHER FLOORS! (PACKER steps outside the lift and speaks into his radio.) PACKER: This is Packer. Check all the lift exits and get me the engineer. (He listens to the reply.) PACKER: Hello? Yes? (He listens.) PACKER: Did the lift stop at any other floors on the way up? (He listens again.) PACKER: You're certain. (And again, and then turns to VAUGHN.) PACKER: Right, the engineer's certain... VAUGHN: (Cutting him off.) The shaft terminates in the roof, doesn't it, Packer? PACKER: Yes, sir. VAUGHN: Why didn't you think of that? PACKER: (A little fearfully.) I'll get them! VAUGHN: (Angrily.) Call me when you do, Packer. I'll be in my office, and PLEASE DON'T FAIL THIS TIME, THERE'S A GOOD FELLOW. (VAUGHN walks out. PACKER talks into the radio again.) PACKER: This is Packer. Get some men on the roof. They're still in the lift shaft. (He listens.) PACKER: NO! Don't take the lift. Those two might still be... (He stops and thinks.) PACKER: Hey, wait a minute! (Into the radio.) I'll take the lift. Tell the engineer to take it right to the top. (The lift doors close, and PACKER stands in the centre of the lift with his arms folded, with a grim/furious look on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29. LIFT SHAFT (The DOCTOR and JAMIE are nearing the top of the shaft. On the wall is chalked "Kilroy Was Here!".) JAMIE: Are we nearly there, Doctor? (The lift starts moving again.) JAMIE: It's started again! DOCTOR: Hurry, Jamie! Hurry! (They continue to climb faster and faster.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30. ROOF (The DOCTOR and JAMIE climb out through a door onto the open rooftop of the IE building. They crawl on the ground for a little bit before they straighten up on their knees. Both are exhausted from the climb.) DOCTOR: Come on, Jamie. JAMIE: Wait a minute, Doctor. DOCTOR: No, come on. Let's see where we are. (They stand up and walk over to the edge. The DOCTOR looks down.) JAMIE: Now where? DOCTOR: Down there. (JAMIE looks six floors down.) JAMIE: Oh no! DOCTOR: We can't go down the lift again, can we? Hello. (He spots something that we can't see.) DOCTOR: There's a fire escape. Come on. (They run over to it and the DOCTOR begins climbing down. JAMIE swallows and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (PACKER is reporting the DOCTOR's escape.) VAUGHN: Oh, Packer, you do disappoint me. PACKER: They must have gone down the fire escape. VAUGHN: And, of course, you didn't think to have a guard on that! PACKER: Well, normally... (VAUGHN shouts him down.) VAUGHN: YOU'RE A STUPID INCOMPETENT! I WANT THAT DOCTOR! PUT THE WHOLE COMPOUND ON ALERT! HAVE EVERY AVAILABLE GUARD ON THE JOB! FIND HIM PACKER! FIND HIM! [SCENE_BREAK] 32. TRAIN STATION (The DOCTOR and JAMIE hide in an alleyway formed by a wall and a railcar. They crouch down and crawl under the train, hiding from guards passing by. They come up from the other side and then climb into the door of the car, closing it behind them, while another alarm starts.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33. RAILCAR (The railcar is filled with crates like the ones which ZOE and ISOBEL were in.) JAMIE: Hey, Doctor. Do you think that this is the train that Zoe and Isobel came on? Vaughn said that one had empty crates on it, didn't he? DOCTOR: Yes. JAMIE: Well, we'll soon see. Let's peak inside. (They push one of the crates open, and to JAMIE's disappointment, it's full of a cobwebby substance.) JAMIE: Oh no, these are full. (PACKER's voice comes from outside.) PACKER: (OOV.) I want all these trains searched from top to bottom! MOVE! DOCTOR: Jamie! Hide! Quickly, Hide! (The DOCTOR dashes off to the left, off-screen, and JAMIE opens up the box to climb inside and hide beneath the lid - just in time, for as JAMIE's lid closes, the door is opened and light is thrown into the railcar.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34. CRATE (JAMIE lies next to something covered by a sheet and he hears PACKER's voice.) PACKER: (OOV.) You two, search this one. (JAMIE lies still nervously, and then even more nervously as he feels something shift beneath him. He turns and looks and sees that the cobwebby substance he's on top of is stirring silently...)

The Doctor and Jamie return to the IE factory in search of Zoe and Isobel, where they meet with Professor Watkins and fall foul of Vaughn.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_06x14

fd_One_Tree_Hill_06x14_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Peyton : I'm having your baby, Lucas Scott. Lucas : I love you. Nathan : That was the Charleston chiefs. You're looking at their newest point guard. Mia : I'm Mia. Chase : Chase. I'm covering for Owen. Millicent : I had s*x last night. It was a mistake. It was supposed to be you. Julian : You should design the wardrobe for the movie. Brooke : I'm not a costume designer. Julian : You were there, it's authentic, and I would be lucky to have you. Sam : Get the hell off of me! Jack! Jack! Jack! Brooke : You took my life, and you turned it into a nightmare. Sam : Brooke, please, don't. I need you, mom. This is jack. Leave a message. Or don't. whatever. Sam : Hey, it's Me. I haven't seen you since. Um, I'm just a little worried, that's all. don't do anything stupid. If you didn't help yourself. Just call, okay? BROOKE'S HOUSE Julian : Hey, Sammy. Love the whole bedhead thing you're rocking there. Sam : Brooke, Julian's here. Julian : Coffee ... black, tons of sugar. How's jack doing? Sam : Well, his brother's a murderer, so probably like crap. I haven't talked to him much lately. Julian : Well, he probably really needs you right now. You can make a big difference for him. Brooke : Hi. I'm sorry. I know that we were supposed to look at costumes today. I've just been totally turned around dealing with fashion femme fatale thwarts killer! the press. Can't they just go back to stalking Britney or something? Julian : Oh, come on. Hot clothing designer tracks down attacker and exacts revenge. If you're not gonna sell me the movie rights, you should at least ame the tabloid. Brooke : So that every time I look at it, I can be reminded of the fact that my attacker was also Quentin's killer and that maybe if I had reported it. Julian : Brooke, you were attacked by a guy in a mask. Even if you had reported it, the chances of the police finding him were slim to none. It's not your fault. Brooke : I know. It's just sad. Julian : Yeah. Listen, take the day, focus on your work. I'll come back tonight and see where you're at, okay? I got you a latte, extra foam. See you ... Bye, Samson. Sam : Bye, Julian ... You've got a date. Brooke : I have a business meeting. Sam : Yeah, like his junk's got a meeting with your lady business. Brooke : Samantha! Sam : What? LUCAS'S HOUSE Lucas : Wow, that was fast. Peyton : I just realized I'm gonna be pregnant on our wedding day, and that is so redneck. Lucas : Well, I think you're gonna look beautiful. Now, what's really bothering you, huh? Peyton : How am I gonna tell Brooke? BROOKE'S HOUSE Sam : So, how are you gonna tell Peyton? Brooke : What? Sam : That you're going out with Julian. Aren't they, like, practically married or something? Brooke : I told you, it's not a date. It's business. Sam : He said you were hot. He said "hot clothing designer tracks down attacker. Brooke : He meant successful. Sam : Yeah. 'Cause the empty store is just kicking so much fashion ass. Brooke : Okay. Sam : He meant hot as in hot. So do yourself a favor. Dress a little sexy tonight. It's definitely a date. SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Hi, baby. Haley : You scared me, you wonderful man! Nathan : Oh, I missed you. Haley : Good. Shut up and kiss me. Jamie : Daddy's home! Daddy's home! Nathan : Oh, there he is. Come here, buddy. I missed you. Jamie : I missed you, too. How long are you home? Nathan : The whole weekend. Jamie : Sweet. You have to come upstairs and see the new jersey mama bought me. Nathan : All right. I'll be right up. Haley : So, how does it feel to be a pro basketball player? Nathan : Mostly tired and sore. It's good to be home, though. Just take a break from it all. Haley : 'Cause you're not gonna be sore and tired after this weekend. Jamie : Come on, dad! Nathan : Like I said, it's good to be home. Haley : Yeah. BROOKE'S HOUSE Sam : Hey. Peyton : Hey. Sam : Brooke, Peyton's here. You can tell her your big news. Peyton : What's the news? Brooke : There is no big news. Sam : Julian's hot for Brooke. Brooke : Don't listen to her. Sam : Brooke's totally hot for him, too. Brooke : Do you want to go back to living in a car? Sam : Got anything for an awkward silence? Peyton : I'm pregnant? Brooke : No. Peyton : No, no, no, Brooke, don't cry, honey, okay? I ... I know that you wanted to have a baby, and I want to be insensitive to that. I just want you to know you are gonna have a huge role in this baby's life. Brooke : Thank you. That is not why I want to cry right now ... I ... I just finished your second wedding dress, and it has a corset, a painfully hand-stitched, skinny-girl corset. Peyton : Maybe we can just cut a hole for my stomach? Brooke : You're really pregnant? Peyton : Yeah. Brooke : Is it Lucas? You're pregnant! Oh, my god! Sam : Okay, I am going to excuse myself from this whole Brooke/Peyton lesbian-love-hug thing. Don't forget about Julian. Hot for Brooke. Brooke : No. Sam : Totally. MOUTH'S HOUSE Millicent : Hi. Mouth : I've been sitting here all week after work, just. I'm mad at myself for driving you away, and I'm mad at you for what you did after that. I packed your stuff. I was thinking about just giving it away to a complete stranger ... you know, like you did with your virginity? Millicent : My virginity was mine, Marvin. It was never yours. Mouth : No, but you were. Millicent : Have fun telling Brooke you slept with Owen. PEYTON'S HOUSE Haley : it's a good start, Mia. It is. Mia : I know, but I owe Peyton a song, not a good start. Man : can I help you? Chase : I just wanted to talk to Mia, but I don't want to interrupt, so. Mia : Chase. Hi. You have to push the talk back. Chase : Hi. Hi, Haley. Haley : Hey, man. Mia : Did you need something? Chase : Well, um. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime. Like, go out, maybe. With me. Man : Smooth. Mia : Sure, I'd love to. Chase : Take that, my friend. She's totally into me. Man : Yeah? She also totally just heard everything you said. Chase : Uh. okay. Just want to come by to tric,like,8:00? Mia : Okay. Cool. Chase : Cool. Man : Cool. Mia : Bye. Haley : Bye, Dude. BROOKE'S HOUSE Peyton : Oh, hey, honey, do you need help? Brooke : No, I ... aah! Peyton : Geez! Brooke : I'm so sorry! I had it! Peyton : It's baby Brooke! Oh, but I thought this was all ... Brooke : Tied up in litigation with my evil bitch mom. It is, but these are the samples. Peyton : Brooke, these are really, really good. God, why is Victoria so petty that she won't let you have just this one little part of the company? Brooke : I think the better question is why anybody bothers having children when they're just gonna refer to you as "evil bitch mom" someday. Yours is not going to do that. Peyton : Okay. Speaking of kids, Sam seems to think you and Julian are meant for each other. Brooke : She heard him asking me to work tonight, and she is having a field day with it. Peyton : Hey, if you like him, don't bench yourself on my account. Brooke : No. It's nothing. Not gonna happen. AT THE COFFEE BAR Sam : So, when's this thing with you and Brooke gonna happen? Julian : Brooke and I are working together. Sam : Mm. I think you like her. Julian : Do not. Sam : Do too. Julian : Do not. Sam : Do too. Julian : No. Peyton : So, I hear you like Brooke. Julian : We are working together. I have to get an office. Peyton : He so likes her. Sam : That's what I said. Julian : I think you're jealous. Sam : Dude, get over yourself. She's pregnant. My bad. Um. see ya. Julian : Wow. That's, uh, really hard to hear for historical reasons, but great news for you and Luke. I mean that. Peyton : Thank you. We're excited about it. Julian : You should be. And I'm happy for you. That kid just won the lottery. Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this. Peyton : Yeah, sure, no, I'll give you your space. You break her heart, I break your face. BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Come in! Oh, Millie, thank goodness you're here. Do the words "I'll come back tonight and see where you're at" sound even vaguely date-like to you? Millicent : I don't. Brooke : Exactly. I agree. Especially since it came hot off the heels of me saying I hadn't finished my costume stuff yet. Right? He has to mean business. Millicent : Who? Brooke : Julian. I don't know why I'm even in such a stew about this. I mean, he is so not into me, and even if he were, which he is not. It would so not be okay for me to be attracted to him. Millicent : Are you? Brooke : No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know, but it doesn't matter because no matter what, you cannot do something with your friend's ex, right? I mean, even if she says she's okay with it, that is a lie on some level, because we are never actually okay with it. And. it just isn't done. Right? Oh, are you crying? Millie, what's wrong? Millicent : I slept with Owen. Brooke : Get out ... Millie, wait. Millicent : I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I ruined everything. Brooke : It's okay. Shhhh. It's okay. Everything's okay. PEYTON'S STUDIO Mia : I need your help. Haley : Packing? Mia : No. I need help picking out clothes for a date. Haley : Are you telling me you've been crisscrossing the country, singing sad songs to broken-hearted boys, and you haven't had a date lately? Mia : No, Haley, you don't date on the road. You hang out on a stinky tour bus and you kiss random boys sometimes, but I don't have date clothes. This is a disaster. I'm a musician. I don't have an iron. And I don't know how to iron even if I did. And what if it's weird? What are we gonna talk about? You know, do I offer to pay for stuff? Haley : Okay, will you hold off on the meltdown? This is just a date. Mia : I think I should cancel. Haley : Okay, I have an idea. Look, Nathan's back in town for the night. Why don't we all go out? Mia : Really? Haley : Yeah, it'll be fun. Mia : You would do that for me? Haley : Come on, we could use a night out. Mia : That's awesome. Thank you! Haley : Oh, you're welcome. Mia : Maybe ... do you think you could help with the iron? Haley : Oh, don't push your luck, girlie. I'll see you at 8:00. LUCAS'S HOUSE Haley : Hey, Luke. Lucas : Hey, Hales. Haley : Okay, listen. I know Peyton wasn't supposed to say anything, but she told me you guys are pregnant, and I'm so happy for you! Lucas : She wasn't supposed to say anything yet! Haley : She didn't! Ha! I knew it! Congratulations! Lucas : Oh, you suck! Haley : Get over it. My best friend's gonna be a dad. Oh, I'm gonna be an aunt! Listen, whatever you need, I am here for you, okay? Lucas : The same goes for you now that Nathan's out on the road. We're always here for you. Haley : Really? Lucas : Yeah. Haley : Good, 'cause I need somebody to watch Jamie. and Andre. Lucas : This was a set-up, wasn't it? Haley : Well, the squealing and hugging was really genuine, but the rest of it was kind of a set-up. Lucas : That's okay. We'd be happy to watch the kids. It'll be good practice. Haley : Cool. Thanks. Okay, boys, come on in. Lucas : Oh. You meant now. Haley : Yeah, um, Nathan fed them some cake, so they might be a little. Well, anyway, good luck, and congratulations again. I'm so happy for you. You're gonna be a great dad, Luke. And I promise I'll act all surprised when Peyton tells me. Lucas : Thank you. Haley : Seriously, good luck. MOUTH'S HOUSE Brooke : Hi, old friend. Before I say the next thing I'm gonna say, I want to remind you that I love you, but having said that, you are a complete ass for even thinking about messing around with Gigi. Mouth : As opposed to sleeping with Owen. Brooke : Okay. You have a right to be upset, and you have a right to be hurt. But I can guarantee you that as hurt or upset as you are, Millicent feels worse. Mouth, she lost the two things that matter the most to her, and she can only get one of them back. Mouth : It's stuck in my head, Brooke. All I can see is the two of them. It's not like I can just decide everything's the same. Brooke : I think you're wrong. You can decide that everything is the same. If you can't, then you have to decide if you really love her. Come on. Give me a dart. Mouth : Feels good, doesn't it? Brooke : It's gonna be okay. LUCAS'S HOUSE Jamie : Shoot, Shoot. You got nothing lose, come on. Aow. My ball now, my ball ... Lucas : Hey. You guys break that box spring, you're sleeping on the floor. Follow me, guys. Peyton : Oh, you boys are in luck tonight! We have all kinds of crazy fun planned! Jamie : Why are you talking funny? Lucas : Uh, that's right. We've got. Drum roll, please. Movies! Andre : These are baby movies. Peyton : But wait, there's more. Lucas : We've got. Macaroni and glue arts and craft thingies. Son of a ... Peyton : Luke. Lucas : Most importantly, though, we have ... mouse trap. Jamie : What is it? Lucas : It's only the coolest game ever, man. Andre : I think it's busted. Jamie : What else you got? Lucas : What do you got in mind? Jamie : The game is five-card draw. One-eyed jacks are wild. Ante up. Andre : Is this like "go fish"? Jamie : It's like taking candy from a 5-year-old. AT TRIC Nathan : Chase! What's going on, man? Chase : I had two bartenders call in sick, and I had no idea it was karaoke night. Haley : Does Mia know? Chase : I haven't seen her. She's coming, though, right? Say she was coming? I hate first dates. God I love first dates. Mia : Long island iced tea, please. Chase : You look amazing. Mia : Thanks. There's this cool new thing called an iron. You look busy. Chase : Long story. Working on it, though. Mind if we hang here for a while? Mia : Sure. Just don't tell the manager I'm underage. Chase : Done. Thanks. Did I mention how hot you look? Mia : You did. Totally the iron. Chase : Totally you. Be right back. LUCAS'S HOUSE Jamie : I think we had a deal. Never try to bluff a bluffer, uncle Lucas. Lucas : Okay. Peyton : Are you boys tired yet? Andre : You're funny. Jamie : What's next? AT TRIC Chase : Dude, you're killing me. Come on, man, I'm on a date. You're gonna make me look like a total loser. There you go. Faster, they're coming. Haley : Hey, boys. Mia : Wow, did you just actually beat Nathan? Chase : Yeah, I guess I did. He kind of sucks. Mia : Play again. I want to watch! Nathan : I think getting schooled once is all my ego can take. Haley : Well, Mia and I just signed up for karaoke. Nathan : You two signed up for karaoke? That's like Kobe and Lebron signing up for a two-on-two rec-league basketball tournament. That's completely unfair. BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : All right, let's see what you got. Sketches of costumes for business meeting, check. Slightly moody lighting in case I have totally lost my Mojo and this is actually a date, check. Okay. Beer says : "Come on in, get comfortable, let's talk business. Wine says o me. Hard liquor it is. Okay. Julian : Okay, right. Yeah, well, let's just make sure we're paying the minimums, 'cause the last thing we need is the union on our ass. Uh, were you just on your way out? We were meeting tonight, right? Brooke : Yeah. I ... I had a charity thing ... Earlier ... I'm read to roll up my sleeves and get to work. Just let me take some of this. Thank you. Can I get you anything to drink? Julian : Actually, I brought us some wine. I hope that's okay. Brooke : Wine is perfect. IN THE STREET Sam : I went by your house a couple times. Jack : Child services keeps showing up, looking for me. Sam : If it helps,I've dealt with them a lot, and they tend to clock out at around 5:00. Have you eaten? Jack : No. Nice. It's fast food.It's just like mama used to make. AT TRIC Junk : Ladies and gentlemen, next up, we've got two enormous talents. Unfortunately, their talent ain't singing. Please give it up for Nathan Scott and chase, the new bartender guy. Haley : I told you I'd signed up for karaoke. I just didn't say who we signed up. Chase : Kobe and Lebron. Nathan : Kobe and Lebron. Let's do it. Bust it. Chase : Bust it. Peyton : Boys, karaoke! Mens : This here's a jam for all the fellas. Trying to do what those ladies tell us Babies : Get shot down cause ya over-zealous. Play hard to get females get jealous Mens : Okay smarty go to a party. Girls are scantily clad and showing body Babies : A chich walks by you wish you could s*x her, but you're standing on the wall like you was Poindexter *** Let's dance everybody ! *** Mens : Your movie's showing, so you're going, Could care less about the five you're blowin. Theater gets dark just to start the show. Then ya spot a fine woman sitting in your row Babies : She's dressed in yellow, she says "Hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow." Mens : You run over there without a second to lose And what comes next hey bust a move Chase : Dude, she's so hot. Nathan : Dude, that's my wife. LUCAS'S HOUSE Peyton : Okay, hey, hey! Okay. Um, new game, huh? Why don't we play hide-and-seek? You guys go hide. We're go a count first. 10, 9 ... Lucas : What time is it, anyway, huh? 2:00 A.M., 3:00? Peyton : 9:15. Lucas : Oh, god. How could time possibly be moving so slowly? Peyton : They're kids, Lucas. They need to be entertained every single second of every single day. Lucas : How would you feel about a paternity test? Peyton : I tell you what. Why don't you go get some ice cream, and I'll play hide-and-seek? Lucas : You want to feed those little monsters ice cream? Peyton : Oh, no, no, no. The ice cream is for me because I am pregnant. I am craving, and if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Lucas : Got it. Peyton : All right, here I come! You better have really good hiding spots! MOUTHS'S HOUSE Millicent : Hi. Mouth : Are you drunk? Millicent : I thought I meant so much more to you. I was your friend and partner and friend. Mouth : Yeah, you said that one already. Millicent : But if all you cared about was s*x, you can have me, Marvin. If that will fix things, just have all the s*x with me you want. Mouth : Millicent. Millicent : I need you, Marvin. I need ... I need the bathroom. BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : So, we have home- and away-game ravens jerseys, and for the popular kids, if you want to keep it realistic, cheerleading uniforms, lettermen jackets, and a lot of jeans. Julian : Well, clearly, you have this under control. Brooke : Well, Brooke Davis will be particularly easy to dress. Julian : Why, because she spent most of high school naked? Brooke : No, jerk. Because I still have all of her clothes. And I don't care what it says in your little script. You don't know me well enough to judge me. Julian : Well, actually, I feel like I do know you. Brooke : Why? Because, I'm so transparent? Julian : No. Because of the book. You know, truth be told, I read it because of Peyton, but. I related to I because of you. Brooke : More wine? IN THE STREET Jack : They're eventually gonna find me, those family-services people. Sam : Look on the bright side. Whoever they put you with couldn't be as bad as your brother. Jack : Well, at least I knew what temp with him. He was still my brother. What did you do when they were gonna come take you away again? Sam : Usually I'd just pretend Sharon and Ozzy Osborne were gonna be my next parents and that they'd let me pick out a dog. When that got old, I would. Hold my own hand. Like this. Pretend it was somebody else's holding mine, somebody who actually cared where I was going. I only did that 'cause no one else was there to do it, but you've got me. AT TRIC Nathan : Hey, all I'm saying is dating a girl on the road is not easy. Chase : She says she's back in tree hill a lot. Nathan : Well, yeah, but when she's gone, she's a rock star. She's in sexy clubs with alcohol. I mean, just thinking about that stuff will fry your brain. Chase : I can handle it. Nathan : Godspeed, my friend. Oh, and one more thing. If she ever meets a guy named Chris Keller, you punch first and ask questions later. Chase : Got it. Haley : so, I take it you like him? Mia : Oh, my god, he's so cute! And sweet, too. Haley : Yeah. See, first dates aren't so scary. Totally not scary. Mia : In fact,if you and hubs want to get lost, I think we might be ready to fly solo. Just make it look natural. Haley : All right. Mia : Mm-kay? Haley : Hey We should get out of here soon. Lucas called, and Jamie's getting homesick. Nathan : Really? Haley : No. Mia just wants to be alone with chase. It's the best I could come up with. Mia : Nice. Thank you. Haley : Have a good night. Mia : Bye. LUCAS'S HOUSE Jamie : What's next? Andre : Yeah, what's next?! Peyton : Oh, next,we are gonna play kill uncle lucas just as soon as he ... Lucas : Hi! Jamie : Kill uncle lucas! Andre : What's in the bag? Lucas : Only the coolest thing ever. Andre : What is it? Lucas : walkie-talkies. Andre : Sweet! Jamie : Awesome! Lucas : When I was little, I always wanted a brother to play walkie-talkies with. Peyton : That's sweet. Lucas : Oh, yeah? Peyton : Oh, that is sweet. One of us should probably keep an eye on them just to make sure they don't get in any trouble. Lucas : Got that one covered. Peyton : Oh, my baby thinks of everything! You think are gonna be okay at this? Andre : Your uncle Lucas and aunt Peyton are the coolest. Jamie : I know. Hey, you go under the bed, and I'll go in the closet. Lucas : Yeah. I think we're gonna be fine. Peyton : I love you. BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : So, I drop-kicked the company to my mother, and I washed my hands of everything. Julian : I admire you, letting it all go and starting over like that. Brooke : Well, I don't know if it was brave, or if I was just a total coward. Julian : It's brave. I have a similar situation. Brooke : You have an evil bitch mother? Julian : No, perennially disappointed father. I took my mom's last name so I could make it on my own, but time and again, I go back to my dad for help. And time and again, he makes me feel like a failure, but one of these days. Brooke : Well, here's to that day. LUCAS'S HOUSE Haley : What are you still doing awake, mister? Jamie : Shh. We put them down, like, an hour ago. PEYTON'S STUDIO Chase : This is so awesome. It must be amazing living your dream. Mia : Yeah, it definitely is. But you know how when you're flying over a city and it all looks so neat and tidy, like it's different from a distance, but then once you're inside of it. it's not the same. Mia : Yeah. Chase : Well, I should probably get you home. Mia : You know, I think I'm gonna stay and work. I kind of owe Peyton a song, and, you know, for once I might actually be inspired. But you should go. It's getting late. And you're old. Chase : Listen, I'm sorry I sort of had to work on our date. Mia : I had a great time. Chase : Good. I'm glad. Me too. Night. Mia : Bye. Chase : I forgot to ask if you wanted to go out again sometime. Probably should have kissed you, huh? BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : So, can I get you anything else? Another drink or. Julian : I'd love to, but I should probably get going. Um, this was nice, Brooke. Brooke : Yes, it was. Julian, what was this? Julian : Um. We should probably just say this was what it was. 'cause anything else gets complicated. Brooke : Perfect. Julian : I'll see myself out. This has to be business, right? I mean, with Peyton and. this should be business. We can't just ... I mean, I kiss you, and then it gets. Brooke : Definitely. It would be. Julian : It would be. Brooke : Yes. MOUTH'S HOUSE Millicent : What happened? Mouth : Here, eat these. Chalky. Millicient : I'm sorry, Marvin. Mouth : I know. Millicient : Brooke says she needs a buyer in New York for costumes. Maybe I should go. Mouth : I think that might be best. You should get some sleep. IN THE STREET Sam : I should probably get going home. John : Must be nice. Sam : I could ask Brooke. John : My brother attacked her. Besides, I mean, you got a good thing going on there. Listen, um ... I probably won't see you for a while. But it ... it doesn't mean that. Sam : Hey. Listen. Sometimes, these foster-home things work out, okay? John : Yeah. Sometimes. I'll see you. LUCAS'S HOUSE Nathan : Hey, Luke. You there? Wake up. Over. Lucas : Nathan, is that you? Nathan : Yeah, man. These walkie-talkies were a stroke of genius. Jamie loved his so much, he went to bed with it. Lucas : Oh, my god. Jamie. Nathan : Don't sweat it. We picked them up. They're fine. Speaking of which, I heard a rumor you're gonna be a dad. That's pretty cool, man. Lucas : Yeah. Kind of over whelmed. I don't know how you do it. I'm exhausted. It's all about teamwork. Nathan : You see that girl lying there next to you? Well, you don't know it now, but. she's a superhero. Trust me. And anyway, we're both here for you, man. Whatever you need. I just want you to know that. Lucas : Thanks, man. Have a good night. Peyton : What's going on? Lucas : Just playing walkie-talkies with my brother. Peyton : That's nice. The boys had fun, right? Lucas : Yeah, I think so. Peyton : 'Kay. And I'm gonna be a good mom, right? Lucas : I know so. Peyton : And our kid's gonna be great, right? Lucas : The greatest. Peyton : I love you. You know that? Lucas : I love you. SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : I love you, son. Jamie : roger that. Over and out, daddy. Nathan : Over and out ... Over and out.

News of Peyton's pregnancy spreads quickly through Tree Hill. Brooke has to deal with Julian's intentions and in the meantime, Lucas and Peyton babysit Jamie and his friend. Haley and Nathan double up with Mia and Chase on their date. Millie attempts to reconcile her relationship with Mouth to no avail. This episode is named after a song by Okkervil River .

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_05x04

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] King Arthur: I dub thee Sir David of the Round Table. Rumplestiltskin: I'm the voice in your head, the Dark One's powers inside you. Rumplestiltskin: She has to die. Emma: She has to die. Hook: Don't. We can find another way together. King Arthur: It is said one of you is the Savior. Regina: I am the Savior. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Past. Many Years Ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Poor Village. Young Arthur and Guinevere walk through the village. ) Arthur: Look around. Someday this village, will be the great kingdom of Camelot, and I will be King. Guinevere: ( Laughs ) You have some very strange dreams. Arthur: But they're not just dreams. Come on. ( Arthur and Guinevere laugh and run up to Merlin's tree. ) Arthur: Can I trust you with a secret? This tree... a man is trapped inside of it. A great sorcerer known as Merlin. He spoke to me one night. He gave me a prophecy. Told me I would pull a sword from a stone and become King of Camelot. Guinevre: King Arthur? Arthur: Yes. And you will be Queen Guinevere. ( Hands her a pink middlemist ) And on your birthdays, I'll fill the kingdom with flowers. Guinevere: A middlemist? I love it. Arthur: There's more where that came from. I'll show you. ( Leads Guinevere to a replica of a sword stuck in stone ) Guinevre: Arthur, is that the sword in the stone? Arthur: It's not. We should leave. Kay: ( Walks up and pushes Arthur to the ground with force ) Go on, King Arthur. Pull the sword. Guinevere: Leave him alone, Kay! Kay: His mother must have dropped him on his head before she took off, and now he thinks he's the orphan king. They call Camelot the Broken Kingdom because we have no king and we never will. And nobody in Camelot is ever gonna kneel to the boy who cleans the stables. ( Pushes past Arthur and pulls the fake sword out, before walking off with his friends ) Arthur: Maybe he's right. Guinevere: No, he's not, and you will find that sword. All you have to do now is follow your heart. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Past. Many Years Ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Set right after "The Dark Swan" when Arthur discovers the sword is not whole. ) Arthur: ( Pulls the sword out ) Lancelot: Where's the rest of it? Percival: How will you take the throne with half the sword? What will you tell the people? [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Past. Many years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Arthur, Lancelot and Percival arrive back at the village where everyone is waiting. ) Villager: All hail King Arthur! Arthur: Camelot. Is no longer the broken kingdom! I give you Excalibur, the sword pulled from the stone! ( Pulls the sword out, but purposely hides the missing part ) ( The villagers cheer loudly and Guinevere watches on, smiling. ) Arthur: ( Dismounts and runs to Guinevere, hugging her tightly ) Guinevere: I see you followed your heart, King Arthur. Arthur: And it led me back to you... Queen Guinevere. Guinevere: ( Chuckles and kisses him ) Something's wrong. Tell me. Arthur: Our journey wasn't all I hoped for. Merlin speaks in half-truths. And now my quest has only just begun. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Arthur watches on his subjects as David approaches him. ) David: ( Opens the doors and walks over to Arthur ) You wanted to see me. Arthur: Yes. Yes, we have something serious to discuss. Please, join me. Now that you're a member of the Round Table, it's time to share Camelot's greatest secret. ( Shows David Excalibur ) The sword that made me king is broken. For years, I've hunted its missing piece... Something known as the dagger of the dark one. David: ( Looks taken aback ) I've heard tales of it. Arthur: Well, I think you're the man to help me find it. After all, you're the only one who needs it as bad as I. You're desperate to destroy the power of the Dark One. David: Only Merlin can do that. Arthur: Perhaps. Perhaps not. No one knows what Merlin really wants, but with that dagger, we wouldn't need Merlin. I could reforge Excalibur into the sword it once was with the power to destroy the darkness once and for all. Can you help me in this quest? [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Its night time, and Emma can't sleep so she is whittling dreamcatchers. There are voices whispering to her. ) Rumplestiltskin: Do you hear it? A sweet sound. A strange sound. Let's go have a look, shall we? ( Emma walks down a long corridor, towards the room where the voices are coming from. It's Regina's room, and the box which holds her dagger is sat there. ) Rumplestiltskin: So that's where it's coming from... Your dagger. Since Regina left it in her room, I say, uh, finder's keepers. Emma: ( Attempts to take it, but is stopped by a magical barrier ) Rumplestiltskin: So she put a spell on it. That's nothing for you. Shatter it. Emma: I can't. Rumplestiltskin: It's calling to its other half. Emma: Leave me alone. Rumplestiltskin: Your friends cannot protect you. Emma: Stop. Rumplestiltskin: You're the Saviour. Save yourself before it's too late. Emma: Get out of my head! ( Turns around and tries to use her magic to get rid of Rumplestiltskin, but it narrowly misses Hook who has just appeared. She rushes forward, worried she's hurt him ) Hook: Calm down. ( Slowly approaches her ) There's no one here. It's just us. You and me. ( Pulls Emma into a gentle hug ) Emma: ( Watching Rumplestiltskin ) He's inside my head. I can't get him out. He's here. He's always here. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Emma is now laying down, and is surrounded by her loved ones. She is holding Hook's hook, whilst everyone else watches on worriedly. ) Mary Margaret: What happened to her? Hook: I have no idea. She hasn't said a word. David: It's getting worse, isn't it? Mary Margaret: ( Turns to face him ) David, where have you been? I was looking all over the castle for you. David: With Arthur. It turns out he might have a way to help Emma. Mary Margaret: We can't... David: ( Interrupts her ) If we give him the dagger... Mary Margaret: ( Interrupts him in return ) David, listen to me. We can't trust Arthur. David: What are you talking about? Who told you that? Mary Margaret: ( Inhales deeply ) Lancelot. David: Lancelot? Lancelot is dead. Mary Margaret: That's what he wanted Cora to think, but he outwitted her. Regina: ( Interrupts them both ) Hey, not in front of the patient, given the state that she's in, anything could set her off. She needs rest... Somewhere quiet and away from prying eyes. Henry: I know the perfect place. Hook: Perhaps me and the boy should take her there. Come on, love. Let's sail away. ( Helps Emma to stand ) ( Emma, Hook and Henry leave the scene. Regina, David and Mary Margaret remain behind. ) Regina: Whatever's happening to her, I think she was here for the dagger, so I should probably move it somewhere safer. David: Now, hold on a second. Arthur has a way to use that to help Emma. Mary Margaret: What did I just tell you? We are not giving it to Arthur. Lancelot said he can't be trusted. David: And Cora said Lancelot was dead. You can't believe everything you hear. Mary Margaret: You really don't trust Lancelot, do you? He married us. He's our friend. David: That was a long time ago, and where's he been all these years? Mary Margaret: He didn't say. David: Well, where is he now? Mary Margaret: Hiding. It's not like he's welcome in Camelot. David: Because he went after Arthur's wife. And he's back. Why? Why's he back? Mary Margaret: I don't know, David! I don't have all the answers! ( Realizes that Regina is still standing there, looking awkward ) Regina, would you mind please giving us a minute? Regina: ( Poofs away ) David: Listen, Arthur is already looking for the dagger. If we come clean now, he can still help us. Mary Margaret: So that's what this is about. You haven't met a king in a while, and you're star-struck. David: That's not what this is about. Our daughter is sick. We have to help her. Mary Margaret: So why become a Knight of the Round Table? How does that help her? Or is it that you need to feel like a hero again? David: Maybe the Round Table's exactly where I should be. Mary Margaret: We aren't telling Arthur anything until we know he can be trusted. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Arthur is looking through old drawings for clues on how to make the sword whole again and the location of the dagger. When he hears the lock click, he quickly hides the sword from view. Festive music plays in the background. ) Guinevere: ( Enters ) Don't worry. It's only me. Arthur: My Queen. I'm so glad to see you. I've almost translated the Carmarthen Scroll. I had to pull language fragments from a dozen different books. But can you believe how close we are to the other half? This time I'm right. Directions to the Dark One dagger as clear as day. It's just these symbols I can't figure out... Star, eye, and sun. What do you think it means? Guinevere: It means... come to the party, dance with your wife. Arthur: No, no, no, I can't. I can't. Not until I finish this translation. Don't you understand? This is Merlin's test. Why else would he lead me to this? The broken sword to rule the broken kingdom. It's a cruel joke. The world's most maddening riddle. Guinevere: I know. But this one night, your wife needs you. Arthur: You're right. Give me five minutes, and we shall dance until dawn. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Arthur still hasn't come down to the party. Guinevere sits and watches the other dance, and looks sad and bored. ) Lancelot: ( Approaches and sits down beside her ) I'm sure he'll be out shortly. Guinevere: I'm sure he will. Lancelot: Happy birthday, my Queen. Guinevere: ( Smiles ) Thank you. Lancelot: In the meantime... Perhaps you'll allow this knight a dance. ( Stands up and offers her his hand. He then leads Guinevere to the dance floor and they begin to dance ) Guinevere: He's getting worse, locked up in that room all day instead of actually building the kingdom we dreamed of. Lancelot: Arthur may have much on his mind, but look around. He did manage to throw you quite a party. Villager: A birthday gift from King Arthur to his Queen Guinevere! ( Throws handfuls of pink middlemist petals over Guinevere and Lancelot ) Guinevere: ( Laughs ) Middlemist flowers. ( Face falls ) Lancelot: What's wrong? You don't like them? Guinevere: I'm not a fool. I know he didn't plan any of this. The fact that you won't deny it tells me all. Thank you. Arthur: ( Appears ) Where's my queen? Guinevre: ( Happy ) You made it! Look! Arthur: ( Holding his maps and scrolls ) I completed the translation. The dagger is only a day's ride from here. By this time tomorrow, I will hold it in my hand. Lancelot: Let me fetch my horse. Arthur: No. No, not this time, old friend. I need my best knight to stay here and protect the queen. After all, she is the most precious thing I have. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years later. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( David walks down the corridor alone and enters the room where Arthur is looking over the Excalibur. ) Arthur: David? David: ( Shuts the door behind him and approaches Arthur ) We need to talk. Ever since we came to Camelot, we've been lying to you about why we're here. That stops right now. It's not easy for me to be here, and people I care about told me not to, but the darkness is threatening someone I love, and I will do anything to destroy it. So, we're gonna restore Excalibur tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years later. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( David has just finished telling Arthur about Emma. ) Arthur: I'm glad you told me about your daughter. Of course I will help you defeat the darkness inside her. David: ( Sighs ) That is a relief. My wife thought this was a bad idea. Arthur: What put her off me? It's the beard, isn't it? David: Something a bit more serious. Lancelot. He's back. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Guinevere is trying to sneak off in the night unnoticed. ) Lancelot: ( Catches her ) You must not think much of me. And what would I tell Arthur if his queen ran off on my watch? Guinevere: ( Turns to face him ) Tell him I'm going to find the dagger myself. ( Pulls out the gauntlet ) I broke into Merlin's tower and took this, a magic gauntlet, and it has shown me the true location of the dagger. Arthur has it all wrong. Lancelot: And how did Arthur not find this remarkable magic object in all his years of looking? Guinevere: He would never think to use it because he believes the dagger will be his strength, and this gauntlet... It leads you to a person's greatest weakness. So I'm going to finish this damned quest and get back the man I love. And you cannot stop me. Lancelot: Stop you? I'm joining you. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Lancelot and Guinevere arrive at the entrance to the dark one's vault with the guidance of the gauntlet which Guinevere is now wearing. ) Guinevere: ( Sighs ) I told you it would work. This is it. Lancelot: The vault of the Dark One. Guinevere: These symbols... they are the same ones Arthur showed me on that damn scroll of his. Star, eye, sun. ( The door to the dark one's vault opens, and slowly, a stairwell leading underground appears. ) Lancelot: Shall we? ( Guinevere and Lancelot descend into the vault, before making their way through the tunnels, looking for the dagger. ) Guinevere: This way. ( They continue walking through the tunnel, when the same darkness that tried to consume Regina in the season 4 finale, attacks Lancelot. ) Guinevere: Lancelot! No! You cannot have him! ( Uses a torch on the wall to fend the darkness off, resulting in Lancelot falling to the ground. She rushes forward ) Lancelot. I thought you were dead. I was sure I'd lost you. ( Kisses him passionately, but pulls back ) I'm sorry. That... will never happen again. Lancelot: ( Stands up ) No. Never. Guinevere: We need to remember why we're here. For our King. For Arthur. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years later. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Arthur is looking shocked at David's news of Lancelot being alive. ) Arthur: Lancelot's alive. And here in Camelot. Serious news, indeed. Can we keep this between ourselves? David: Of course. Arthur: Sometimes a husband has to go on the defensive. I wouldn't want my wife to learn that he's here. Guinevere: ( Enters and walks over ) She already has. Where is Lancelot? Arthur: He doesn't know, my love. Guinevere: So tell me how to find him so I can make him pay for what he did. David: From what I heard, you both had some culpability in that. Guinievere: ( Chuckles ) So you heard the old story? Believe me, the legend is only the beginning. Lancelot coveted far more than a kiss from a queen. Arthur: I'm afraid my wife is right. ( Walks over to Guinevere and stands by her side ) I didn't want to speak ill of a former knight, a former friend, but if Lancelot is in Camelot, that dagger isn't safe anywhere. David: Then it's a good thing I brought it with me. ( Opens the box, but finds it empty ) Arthur: Where is it? [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years later. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Mary Margaret arrives at Granny's diner where Lancelot is hiding. ) Mary Margaret: You can come out. It's me. It turns out I need your help. There's something we must hide. ( Shows Lancelot the dagger ) [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years later. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Emma and Hook walk arm in arm as they follow Henry through the forest to a stable. ) Henry: Come on, Mom. Keep going. We're almost there. ( They enter a barn and Emma and Hook look around curiously. ) Henry: It's nice here, right? A good place to rest. You'll feel better in no time. Hook: It's a quiet and isolated little nook. How did you turn up such a refuge, lad? Henry: Well, there's this girl. Hook: Is there, indeed? Well, I like this tale already. Henry: I-it's not like that. Her name's Violet. She brought me here. The stable belongs to her family. Emma: So you two are getting close? Henry: N-not at all. We're just hanging out. Violet: ( Arrives outside ) Hello? Who's in there? Henry: That's her. Hide. Hide. Go on. Go on. ( Emma and Hook quickly hide behind a stable door. ) Violet: ( Enters and chuckles when she sees Henry standing there ) Henry. What are you doing here? Henry: I was wondering if you'd be interested in taking me riding. Violet: Yeah. I'd love to. Come on. I'll introduce you to Nicodemus. Henry: That your dad? Violet: ( Laughs ) No. It's my horse. I hope you're ready to get your heart racing. ( Laughs ) Come on. ( She leaves and Henry follows ) Hook and Emma ( Come out of their hiding place ) Hook: Well, you can hide buried treasure or a winning poker hand, but you can't hide the bloom of first love. Emma: Yes, he has a crush. And he straight-up lied to my face. And I'm the Dark One. Hook: You're his mother. Emma: Which is scarier? Hook: To him? That's up for debate. Speaking of your dark one-ness, don't you think it's time you tell me the truth of what happened? Emma: It's Rumplestiltskin. Or at least something that looks like him. I've been seeing him in my head ever since we got here. Hook: He was there when we first found you, with the flame-haired Scot. Emma: I almost crushed her heart because of his voice. Hook: I've spent many years battling demons in my head... ( Emma reaches out and takes a hold of his hand ) And I was able to purge them on the prow of the Jolly Roger, riding the ocean's waves. Emma: Too bad you can't have it shrunk in your pocket right now. Hook: Well, we may not need it. That girl promised to get Henry's heart racing astride a horse. You and I are gonna do the same. ( Looks over at the saddle ) [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Mary Margaret and Lancelot make their way through the forest together. ) Mary Margaret: You never told me what happened between you and Guinevere. Lancelot: It's complicated. But what's happened is in the past. It doesn't matter anymore. Mary Margaret: It does if you still love her. Do you? Lancelot: Yes. I'll forever love Guinevere. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Guinevere continues to use the gauntlet to lead her and Lancelot to the dagger. ) Guinevere: The dagger lies beyond this door. Lancelot: Stand back. We have no idea what trap remains. ( Guinevere draws her sword, and they both enter through a door, and come out in a forest. The dagger lays in front of them. ) Guinevere: There it is. Excalibur will finally be complete. ( Goes to take the dagger, but she and Lancelot are thrown back by magic ) Rumplestiltskin: ( Appears ) Not exactly a sword in the stone, but it still does the trick. ( Giggles and notices Guinevere's gauntlet ) So, that's how you found this place, Merlin's gauntlet. That's quite a powerful object, at least for a wizard stuck in a tree. Guinevere: That dagger is Arthur's birthright, and you will surrender it to us. Rumplestiltskin: So, that's King Arthur's weakness, is it? So that must make you Guinevere. Sadly, I can't give you what you want, though I might be willing to part with the next best thing, assuming, of course, you're willing to make a deal for that gauntlet. Lancelot: What's the next best thing to completing a magical sword? Rumplestiltskin: Making it appear like it's been completed, with this. ( Produces a vial of sand with his magic ) Enchanted sand from the mystical Isle of Avalon. One pinch of this can "fix" anything. Guinevere: Even Excalibur? Rumplestiltskin: Your husband need never know. After all, what's one little secret if it means getting your husband back? Assuming, of course, that's, uh, still what you want. Guinevere: And why should I trust you? Rumplestilskin: Because I know what happens when a woman's heart is torn between duty and desire. And believe me, it never ends well. Lancelot: Please, Guinevere, don't listen to this demon. Guinevere: I will accept your deal. Rumplestiltskin: ( Laughs ) Good girl! But be careful. Love is a weapon, dearie. The most dangerous weapon of all, which means the pain you should worry about isn't the kind inflicted by a broken sword, but the kind that comes, from a broken heart. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years later. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Lancelot and Mary Margaret arrive at the vault of the dark one. ) Lancelot: We're here. Mary Margaret: The vault of the Dark One. Lancelot: ( Opens the vault by using the correct symbols ) ( The scene changes to Mary Margaret and Lancelot arriving in the same place where Guinevere traded the gauntlet for the sand, and the same place where Mary Margaret once had her vision of a young Emma. ) Mary Margaret: This place. I've been here before. I had a vision. I thought I understood what it meant, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was always about Emma becoming the Dark One. Lancelot: What did you see? Mary Margaret: Emma crushed my heart. We have no time to waste. We have to make sure that Arthur can't get this dagger. Lancelot: This altar is the place to secure it, but it's shielded by a nasty protection spell. Mary Margaret: ( Sighs ) Well, if it's meant to keep the dagger safe, then maybe a person holding it can be allowed past? Lancelot: Wait. It should be me. Mary Margaret: You've done enough. Lancelot: You need to let me do this, Snow. What is it? Don't you trust me? Arthur: ( Enters ) Apparently not. And that's a decision she's gonna regret. Lancelot: Arthur! Arthur: ( Points his sword at Lancelot ) I wouldn't. Excalibur's blade is broken. This one works just fine. Mary Margaret: You followed us. So I was right. Arthur: Pity your husband didn't listen when you tried to warn him. Mary Margaret: Where is he? David: Searching for you in the wrong place. Which means if you ever want to see him again, you're gonna hand over that dagger. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Five years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Arthur looks over as Lancelot and Guinevere have a romantic moment before saying goodbye. Guinevere then enters the tower. ) Arthur: Hello, Guinevere. Where were you? Guinevere: Lancelot and I... Went to find the dagger of the Dark One. Arthur: And tell me, were you able to find it? Guinevere: Yes. It was where you said it would be... In the Dark One vault. Arthur: You mean to say you truly found it? Well, where is it, then? Give me the dagger! ( Grabs her satchel and hastily searches through it ) I'll finally prove Merlin wrong. That I'm not his fool! That I'm meant to be king of this god-forsaken place! It's not here! Where are you hiding the dagger from me?! Guinevere: The only thing I'm hiding is this. ( Pulls out the vial of sand ) I couldn't get the dagger, so I got this instead. Enchanted sand that can make something broken appear whole again. Arthur: Well, that's why you came back... To use magic to trick me! Guinevere: Yes! I wanted you back! To be the man I loved! My King. And now I realize I don't want any of it. Not unless it's real. Arthur: It can be. You can have me back. You can have it all. I just need the dagger. Tell me where the vault is! Guinevere: Don't you understand?! You have to make a choice! Stop trying to mend that sword, or your marriage and your kingdom will be broken forever. Arthur: And what if I can't? Guinevere: Then I'll follow my heart to where it belongs. Arthur: With Lancelot? I saw you. Guinevere: It's not what you think. He was saying goodbye. He's leaving Camelot. Arthur: You expect me to believe that? I can't lose you to him, Guinevere. I won't. I'll do whatever it takes to fix things. Guinevere: Arthur, what are you doing? Arthur: I'm sorry, Guinevere, but my heart tells me I have to finish my quest. And with this magic, I can keep you by my side to do it. Guinevere: No! Arthur: ( Throws some of the sand on Guinevere to make her believe she is happy ) So, my Queen, how are you now? Guinevere: Better... I think. ( Sees she is now holding flowers ) Middlemist flowers. So beautiful. Arthur: Do you remember the first time I gave one to you? Guinevere: Of course. It was the day you told me about Merlin's prophecy... A prophecy you have yet to complete, and I... have not been supportive enough. I know how much getting that dagger means to you, so you can prove yourself to Merlin. Arthur: Yes, my Queen. But until then, I don't see why you can't live in the kingdom you deserve. And I think it's time to fix this broken kingdom, don't you? ( Throws the sand out the window, and Camelot transforms into a beautiful kingdom ) [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Arthur is now pointing his sword at Mary Margaret. ) Arthur: Give me the dagger, or I will put this sword through my oldest friend, like I should have done years ago. Mary Margaret: No. Arthur: First you try and steal my wife, and now you want to deny me the dagger after all I've done for you! Mary Margaret: Please don't hurt him! ( Hands Arthur the dagger ) Here. Arthur: I have waited a lifetime for this. Now I control your daughter. I can command her to reunite the sword and free Merlin. Excalibur's blade will be the last thing he sees before I use it to run him through. Then I will use the blade to snuff out the darkness once and for all. I can become what no one thought I could... The greatest king in all the realms. Dark One, I command you to appear! I said I command you! Mary Margaret: She's not coming. Arthur: Why? What have you done to the dagger? Mary Margarey: The dagger's not real. Arthur: How? Lancelot: You knew he would follow us. David: ( Walks up behind Arthur and draws his sword, pointing it at Arthur ) She wasn't the only one. Mary Margaret: Well, I was wondering when you were gonna show up. David: I had to keep my distance so Arthur wouldn't see me trailing him. Arthur: You betrayed me. You broke the sacred trust of the Round Table. David: You tried to trick me with a catchy title and a comfy chair. Arthur: David, you deserved a seat at my table. Every choice I've made is for the good of Camelot! I'm trying to destroy the darkness! David: The darkness is in my daughter, so every choice I make is for the good of my family. Lancelot: So this was all a show? Are you even really fighting? Mary Margaret: Oh, the fight was real. Oh, very real. But we quickly realized that fighting wasn't going to solve any problems, so we put aside our differences and thought of Emma's well-being first. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Hook leads a brown horse through the forest, and Emma walks next to him. The horse is saddled up and ready to be ridden. ) Hook: Beautiful animal, isn't she? The finest horse in all of Camelot. Or at least the finest I could borrow without anyone noticing. Emma: I thought the plan was to ride the horse. This feels a lot like walking. Hook: This isn't like driving that yellow contraption of yours. You can't just turn a key. The horse has to trust you. So, go on. Introduce yourself. Emma: ( Slowly approaches the horse and reaches out, but the horse snorts and tries to move away from her, and she snatches her hand back ) Rumplestiltskin: ( Laughs ) Well, I guess the pony's smarter than the pirate. She knows what you are, dearie. Emma: Go away. Hook: ( Already mounted the horse ) Swan, stop talking to the demon in your head. Get on the horse. Emma: This is pointless. I'm the Dark One. What's this going to do? Hook: This isn't about the bloody horse, Emma. This is about you putting your faith in me, in our future. Emma: You still think we can get back there, to Storybrooke and some white-picket-fence life? Hook: Yes. I'll never stop fighting for us. All you have to do is trust me. This'll work. Emma: ( Walks around the horse, and climbs on behind Hook, him helping her ) Hook: ( Kicks the horse into a walk ) Emma: ( Watches Rumplestiltskin as Hook rides them past him ) [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( David, Mary Margaret and Lancelot have Arthur handcuffed in Granny's diner and Mary Margaret is examining Excalibur. ) David: Finally a blade that can stand up to Granny's meatloaf. Mary Margaret: So, now what do we do with it? David: Well, Arthur wanted to reunite it with the dagger and use it for evil. But that doesn't mean that it couldn't also be used for good. Mary Margaret: Like helping Emma. David: We can talk more about it as soon as we get back to Camelot and put someone worthy in charge. Lancelot: I spent a lifetime putting my faith in a false king. Camelot's true leader... is its queen, Guinevere. Mary Margaret: ( Looks over at Arthur ) Is it me, or is he unusually quiet? ( Stops when she hears a horse whinny outside ) David: Because he knows something. Guinevere: ( Enters with some of Arthur's knights ) Lancelot: Gwen. What's going on? Why are you doing this? Guinevere: ( Unlocks Arthur's shackles ) I love him. Lancelot: No. It's not real. He must have used the sands of Avalon on you. Guinevere, we can break this spell. ( Looks down at Guinevere who is standing in front of him ) Guinevere: Not interested. ( Takes Excalibur back ) Take this traitor to the dungeon where he belongs. ( A couple of guards come forward and arrest Lancelot and he watches in sadness as Guinevere kisses Arthur, as he is escorted out of the building. ) Arthur: ( Turns to face Mary Margaret and David ) You're not the only couple with hearts that beat as one. David: The second you lock us up, our friends will know something's wrong, and your secret's out. Guinevere: Who said we're locking you up? We're hoping you can help. Mary Margaret: Never. Arthur: Oh, actually, I'm quite optimistic. Guinevere. Fix this, my love. Guinevere: ( Walks up and blows the sand on Mary Margaret and David ) [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Lancelot is thrown in the Camelot dungeons. ) Merida: Someone doesn't like you. That's the cell the rats take a fancy to. Lancelot: I had a disagreement with the king. Didn't make me a lot of friends. Merida: It might have made you one. Because an enemy of King Arthur is probably a friend of mine. I'm Merida. Lancelot: Lancelot. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Regina and Robin wait for the return of Mary Margaret and David, and Regina is pacing backwards and forwards. ) Robin: You're going to wear out the masonry if you keep pacing. I'm sure David and Mary Margaret are fine. Regina: ( Scoffs ) You think I'm worried about them? Those two can outlive a cockroach. I want to know how their test went. I get antsy when I don't know who I should hate. Mary Margaret: ( Enters with David ) I think we can help with that. Regina: ( Sighs ) What took so long? Mary Margaret: Turns out David was right. We can trust Arthur. Robin: And Lancelot? David: Locked safely in the dungeon. He was lying. Our best move now is to give Arthur the real dagger. Regina: I just spent all day hiding it, like we agreed upon. Mary Margaret: Plans change. Making Excalibur whole is our best chance to help Emma. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Hook and Emma ride through the country side of Camelot, and Emma is carefree. They are galloping. ) Hook: ( Turns his head to look at Emma and grins at her smile ) Yah! ( They continue to gallop before they arrive at their destination. Emma dismounts the horse, happy and laughing. ) Emma: That was amazing. Thank you. Hook: ( Takes her hand as he leads her to a spot in the flower meadow ) Well, I had a feeling you would like it. ( Leans down and picks her a pink rose from the grass and hands it to her ) Tell me. What do you see? Emma: ( Looks around ) Lots of flowers. Hook: Very good. Now... What don't you see? Emma: Rumplestiltskin. He's gone. Hook: I hoped he might be. By trusting me with your burden, you've left no room for him in that head of yours. Emma: Well, now that we're alone... ( Leans up and kisses him ) ( The two engage in a very passionate kiss. Emma holds onto the rose and she wraps her hands around his neck. They kiss until the camera changes scene. ) [SCENE_BREAK] Storybrooke. Present time. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Emma is twirling the rose Hook gave to her in Camelot, as Mr Gold is tied up behind her. ) Gold: I remember how the darkness feels. But you don't have to give in to it. You just... You could just set me free. Emma: ( Stops and turns to face him, still holding the rose ) The only one who can get me that sword is you. Gold: I can't be the hero you want. Emma: Of course you can. You're like a dull knife sitting in a drawer. But don't worry. I have just the thing to sharpen you up. Gold: What? Emma: We'll call it my secret weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] Storybrooke. Present time. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Emma walks towards her yellow car, where she has Merida tied to the front. ) Merida: I should have trusted my gut when I first met you. You are a witch. Emma: I should have trusted my gut, kept that heart of yours. ( Takes her heart again ) Merida: Oh! Now you're gonna kill me? You coward! Emma: ( Takes away Merida's ability to speak ) No more talking. Go pick up the bow. You see, there's a guy I know. You wouldn't like him. He's a real coward. But for me to get what I want, that needs to change. I need you to make him just like you. I need you to make him brave. [SCENE_BREAK] [ End of episode ]

In Camelot's past, Arthur's obsession with Excalibur has taken a toll on Guinevere and leads to a betrayal of trust by Lancelot, as the two seek out the dagger. This leads to a confrontation with Rumplestiltskin, who offers a deal that Guinevere takes and ends up paying the price for at the hands of Arthur. This scenario comes full circle five years later, when Arthur learns of Emma being the Dark One from David after Mary Margaret confides that Lancelot is alive. Unfortunately, David and Mary Margaret's plan to save Emma and help Lancelot is foiled with Arthur arresting Lancelot and using Guinevere to brainwash David and Mary Margaret into doing his bidding. Lancelot discovers that he is not alone in trying to stop Arthur, as he is joined by another cellmate, Merida. Meanwhile, Hook, with the help of Henry, tries to keep Emma from giving in to Rumplestiltskin's manifestations by spending a romantic day with her. Finally, in Storybrooke, Emma tells a reluctant Gold that she has plans to make him a hero and has found the perfect person to help her do the job: Merida.

fd_The_Office_03x03

fd_The_Office_03x03_0

Michael: [waiting on Pam to be done with the microwave] Ahhhhhhhhh. [whispering loudly] I'm hungry. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is... Varsity Blues! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Let's gooooo! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Dwight: [directing people to their assigned seats] Take a seat down there. Second from the end. Michael: Alright, everybody here? Yes. Pam: [walking in with a tray of six popcorn bags] Popcorn anyone? Michael: Yes pleeeeease! Thank yooouuu! Pam: [with five popcorn bags left] Anyone else? Nooo. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Entourage! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Kevin, would you like to do the scenes from last week? Kevin: Yes! Dwight: Why him? Michael: Don't whine. Get the window. [Dwight exhales] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Previously on Varsity Blues... Kevin: Ok. Billy-Bob, got a head injury, but coach made him play. So then Lance, he gets sacked, he's out for the year... [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [walking into an empty office because everyone is watching Varsity Blues] Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I don't approve. I don't. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Hello? [Angela coughs and points to the conference room] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Jan walks in on Movie Monday] Hi Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds! [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: How would a movie increase productivity Michael? How on earth would it do that? Michael: People work faster after... Jan: Magically? Michael: No... they have to... to make up for the time they lost watching the movie. Jan: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [walking past Dwight's desk] Kitchen. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie, and now Jan is peeved off and we're all going to lose our jobs. Dwight: That's not going to happen. Angela: You know she has it out for him now. Dwight: That's not his fault! He had to follow his heart! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Dwight, you should be running this office. Dwight: Michael would never let me... Angela: It's not up to Michael, it's Jan's call. Talk to her. Dwight: I could never do that! Angela: Fine! Sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: At the Stamford branch, they all play this World War II video game called Call of Duty, and they're all really into it. I'm told it started as a team building exercise. Unfortunately I really suck at it. We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like, uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note, and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And uh, Pam called it... Pretendenitus. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [on the phone] Hey Kelly, my stuff just got here. [Kelly screams with excitement into the phone and Pam has to take it away from her ear] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Kelly really likes to online shop. Soooo, I felt like I wanted some new clothes. I mean, I just, I wanted to, it just, I felt like it was time, to maybe um... just get new clothes. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [pulling her new shirt out of a box] Ok. Kelly: [gasps] I love it! Pam: Really? I don't know. Kelly: You haven't even tried it on yet, try it on. Pam: Not at work, I'll try it on--- Kelly: Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Pam: ...noooo Kelly: [clapping her hands in unison] Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Why did you do that?! Jim: I'm just killing Germans, any way I can. Andy: We're on the German team. Shoot the Brittish. Jim: [turning around to Karen] Wait, are we playing teams? Karen: [laughing] Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [outside in the parking lot, pacing back and forth] WAH! GAH! [breathing heavily] [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [answering the phone] Hello? Dwight: Is this Jan? Jan: Who is this? Dwight: This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter. Jan: You should talk to Michael, and he'll talk to me, and that way we don't have to speak to each other. Dwight: It's about Michael. Jan: What about him? Dwight: [exhales] I can't talk here. It's too sensitive. Jan: It's not about a surprise party is it? Dwight: No, but we should discuss that another time. Jan: Look, I am already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight, I'm not coming back. Dwight: Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop, until I can meet you. Jan: How do you know I like that store? Dwight: Many of your blouses are Claiborne's. Jan: How do you know that? Dwight: Part of my job. Jan: No it's not. It's officially not. Dwight: ...noted. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [walking into Michael's office] I'm going... to the dentist. Michael: Ok. Dwight: I have to have an emergency crown put in. Michael: Ouchy. Dwight: Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone... three hours. Michael: Three hours, wow. Have fun. [Dwight walks away staring through the blinds at Michael] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Did you get anything good? Jan: Yeah. Dwight: New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I can save the branch. Jan: Really? Dwight: If you let me run it. Jan: Ok. Dwight: [excitedly] "Ok" I can run it? Jan: What would you do differently? Dwight: Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. [to waitress in diner] Right here. It's all for me. Thank you. Jan: Dwight, you must feel strongly, to speak with me this way, behind Michael's back, and turn on so many of your co-workers. Dwight: The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. [pouring way too much syrup on his food] But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So [cutting his food, giving Jan a "so there" look], here we are. It's all, on the table. I want... the branch. And I await your decision. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [shoveling waffles into his mouth] Oh, by the way. There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings. Jan: [thinks for a second] Where is it? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [on speakerphone with Michael] Michael. Michael: Hi. Jan: I just had a very interesting conversation with one of your employees. Michael: Oh. That's nice. Jan: No, it wasn't. Dwight just told me that he thinks he can run the branch better than you. Michael: ...what? Jan: Mm-hmm. Michael: ...you were at the dentist? Jan: You can't have people undermining you. Get control of your branch immediately. Michael: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What was Dwight thinking? That he could turn Jan against me? She's my ex-lover! ...ish. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [Pam walks out of the bathroom wearing her new red shirt] Woooooow. Kelly: It's so sexy. You look so hot. Phyllis: It's really something. Pam: [smiling] It's too much. Kelly: What? Pam: I'm gonna return it. Kelly: No, you have to keep it today, just see how you feel. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: [walking into the break room] Hey. Pam: Hi. Roy: You look nice. Pam: Thanks. Kelly: Isn't that like your third soda today? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Yeah I think we can be a big help to your company. [someone dims the lights, signifying that it's game time] Ok, see you next week. Bye. [to Karen] Again? Karen: Scared? [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [with her hands making the rocker sign] Call of Duty! [SCENE_BREAK] Josh: [sounding upset] Andy, Jim, can I see you in the conference room for a minute? Andy: Now? Josh: Yes now. Andy: Put the game on hold everyone. [SCENE_BREAK] Josh: This is not working, ok? We are getting slaughtered out there. Andy: It's the new guy. [looks at Jim] Jim: Oh, I'm sorry I don't know... what we're talking about... Andy: See what I mean? Josh: We just need a strategy, ok? We're going to set up a trap in the gun room. All right Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44? Jim: Um, sniper rifle? Josh: SNIPE-- Andy: WHAT? Josh: JIM! Andy: Are you playing for the other team?! Josh: You don't snipe in Carrington, ok? Andy: Saboteur! Josh: Andy, it's not--- Andy: Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey Dwight. Dwight: Hey. Michael: Do you want an M&M? Dwight: No thanks I'm stuffed. Michael: No seriously. You should have an M&M, they're really good. Dwight: ...ok. [takes and eats several M&M's] Michael: They're good, huh? Dwight: ...so good. Michael: Hey. I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put in. Dwight: They have this new kind of quick drying bonding, so... Michael: Sounds like a good dentist. Dwight: Oh, yeah. Michael: What's his name? Dwight: [long pause] Crentist. Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist. Dwight: Yep. Michael: Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist. Dwight: Maybe that's why he became a dentist. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Let me see your teeth. Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em. Dwight: [reluctantly opens his mouth and Michael peers inside] Ahh. Aaaah. Michael: You should... floss. Dwight: I know... Michael: [exhales] Well then... I am glad you're ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Business is like a jungle. And I... am like a tiger. And Dwight, is like a monkey, that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? [smiling] Pun. There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight, can I talk to you for a second? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in Michael's office] Wow, this is tough. Dwight: What? Michael: Ohhhh. Arrrgggh! Dwight: What is it? Michael: Well, I just got off the phone with Jan. And um... she demoted me. Dwight: No. Michael: Yeah. You know what the craziest part of this is? She demoted me to your job! Dwight: Gahh! Michael: And she said that you should be expecting a call later from corporate, and that um, I guess that means that you are going to be acting manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Dwight: I can't believe this news. That--- wow. Michael: I know. I told her I didn't know whether you'd wanna do it... because you've always been so loyal to me. You've been my most trusted ally. Dwight: You said that? Michael: Yep, I did. I did. But I think... you should do it. Dwight: Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will. Michael: [exhales] Perfect, well, we're settled. Dwight: All right. Michael: All right. Well then, you are now acting manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch, and I... am assistant regional manager. Dwight: Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it. Michael: Ohh.. Dwight: Hey... I can't imagine this place without you. Michael: [muttering] Can't you? That's so nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well... I guess we should go tell the troops. Dwight: Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. [Dwight exhales, Michael looks at the camera] Ok let's do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, hi, hello. Everybody, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. I... am being replaced, as your leader, by Dwight. Phyllis: You're kidding... Michael: You might think that I am kidding, and I understand that. Angela: Congratulations Dwight. Dwight: Thank you Angela. Stanley: But... why Dwight? Michael: Because, Dwight... never lies. Stanley: How does that qualify him to run a branch? Michael: Because that's all it takes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ok, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody... about loyalty? Dwight: Thank you Michael. I just want to say, to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black! With ferocity! [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Michael, what will you do? Michael: Oh, I'll be fine. Kevin: Do you have any savings? Michael: No, no, I don't, but--- Kevin: Michael, you might lose your condo. Michael: I... won't. I won't. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Maybe I'll quit. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: It's really happening! Dwight: Yes. Angela: We can make a difference here. Dwight: I, will, make a difference here. Angela: You alone? Because I thought together we could--- Dwight: Oh please, don't be naive. But you can be in charge of the women. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [whispering] Look how cute he is! He's trying to shoot with a smoke grenade. Jim: I'm sorry what are you whispering about? Karen: I'm sorry nothing, just concentrate on turning around. Jim: I'm trying--- Karen: Just tap S then D. Jim: Oh. Karen: [her players gun is pointed directly at Jim's player's head] Any... last words? No? Jim: What? [Karen's player shoots Jim's player, "You killed Jim Halpert" appears on the screen, Karen giggles] Jim: Wow. Psychopath. [Karen grins widely at Jim] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: What? Creed: I'm just looking. Pam: Please go back to your desk. Creed: In a minute. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Well, I remember why I dress the way I do at work. But I'm gonna keep the clothes. I mean, it'll be cool to just have some after work clothes that aren't pajamas. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well, I guess it's time, that I turn over the keys, to the famous Sebring. Dwight: [smiling] No thank you. Michael: It's a corporate lease Dwight, you've earned it. Dwight: No thanks. Michael: What? Dwight: Not my style. Michael: But you said you liked it. You've always admired it. Dwight: Well that was before. I'm thinking about getting something German, something with decent gas mileage. Plus, that convertible, it's a ridiculous choice for this climate. Michael: [Michael finally breaks] Take it back. Dwight: [confused] No. Michael: That's my car. Dwight: What did you--- Michael: THAT'S MY CAR. Dwight: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know. Dwight: You know what? Michael: Jan called me about your little meeting! Dwight: No! Michael: I know, what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight. Dwight: I think the Sebring's cool. It's cool. The Seabring's cool. It has a cassette and it has a CD. Michael: Oh do you? Do you like the Sebring--- HOW DARE YOU?! How dare you, Dwight? Dwight: [Dwight gets on his knees and puts his face down on the ground] Don't fire me. Please. Michael: Give me one good reason why I should fire you RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT?! Dwight: [terrified] I HAVE EXCELLENT SALES NUMBERS! Michael: Not. Good. Enough! Dwight: [sobbing] I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year! Michael: I have a laundry machine! Dwight: I'm sorry! I'll do anything, I swear. [squeaking, crying] Michael: I don't know if I can trust you anymore. Dwight: You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael. What can I do? [Michael exhales] What can I do? [Dwight has his face to the ground but his butt raised high in the air] What can I do? What can I do? Michael: You can get up. Get up. [Dwight gets up with spit hanging from his lips] And you can hug it out, bitch. [Dwight and Michael have a firm embrace] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just... let it go. And walk away. And they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found. It doesn't translate. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [leaving his desk for the day, pretends pull the pen out of a pretend grenade, and tosses it to Karen] Karen: [throws some desk material in the air to signify debris from the grenade explosion, grins as Jim walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yep. Yeah, we hugged it out. But, it turns out, I was still a little angry. So, I felt I needed to punish him, just a little bit more, [cut to Dwight standing on a box with "LIAR" written on a piece of paper hung around his neck, Dwight's head hung in shame] and I'm making him do my laundry for a year.

Michael's managerial tactics lead Angela and Dwight to conspire to take Michael's job. Dwight meets with Jan, who, after listening to Dwight's propositions, later calls to inform Michael that his own employees are conspiring against him. Michael informs Dwight that Jan has promoted him to regional manager in an attempt to make Dwight confess. However, Dwight immediately takes over the office and begins making sweeping changes. Michael, unable to control his anger, reveals to Dwight that he knows everything. Dwight begs for forgiveness and offers to do his laundry to make it up to him. Meanwhile, at Dunder Mifflin Stamford, Josh's managerial tactics include playing Call of Duty as a team-building exercise. Unfortunately, Jim is less than competent at the game.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_06x07

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_06x07_0

I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy tied up in Spike's dungeon. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: Oh my god. Willow and the others doing the spell to revive Buffy. WILLOW: Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over. Buffy's corpse regenerating. Buffy talking to Spike in the alley. BUFFY: I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there, by my friends. They can never know. GILES: We can't ignore this kind of behavior. Dawn stealing a coin at the magic shop. GILES: Something needs to be done before it spins out of control. BUFFY: I'm glad you're here to take care of it. XANDER: We're getting married. TARA: Congratulations. Willow doing a spell. TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. Willow and Tara in the bedroom. TARA: Can we not do this now? WILLOW: Just ... forget it ever happened. Willow picking up the forget herb. WILLOW: Forget. No actual teaser. Just "Previously," then wolf howl and opening credits. The opening credits and music are done in the style of a 1950s musical. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest Starring Hinton Battle and Amber Benson as Tara. Original songs, music and lyrics by Joss Whedon, produced and arranged by Jesse Tobias and Christophe Beck. Score by Christophe Beck. Choreography by Adam Shankman. Written and directed by Joss Whedon. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open in Buffy's bedroom, morning. The words "Once More, With Feeling" splash across the screen in the style of an old movie musical. Pan down to reveal an old-fashioned alarm clock (the kind with actual bells). The clock hits 7:00 and the alarm goes off. Reveal Buffy in bed, rolling over to glare at the clock. She reaches over, picks it up, looks at it. Overture The overture music is a medley of the musical themes from the rest of the episode. As it plays, we see the following action: Begins with Willow walking across her bedroom, then she turns and goes back the way she came. Grabs a sweater from a chair and exits into the bathroom. As she goes, we see Tara making the bed. She finds the herb that Willow used to do the "forget" spell. Tara picks it up, sniffs it, smiles. Pan to the hallway. Dawn runs out of her room and over to the bathroom door. She knocks on the door while jumping from foot to foot as if she has to pee. Willow comes out of the bathroom brushing her hair. Dawn rushes into the bathroom. Pan across the hallway again to reveal Buffy still lying in bed, awake. Cut to the magic shop. Overture music continues. Xander and Anya are looking at a bridal magazine, smiling and talking (we don't hear their dialogue). A customer comes over and Anya escorts her toward the cash register. Pan across to Dawn standing by the bookshelves looking at a book. Giles comes over and takes the book away. Dawn looks annoyed. Giles gestures with the book and she walks off. Pan to the round table where we see Willow and Tara looking at a book together and taking notes. Pan further and we see Buffy sitting next to Tara, sketching on a pad. Giles comes over and holds a large axe in Buffy's line of sight. Then he gestures with his head toward the back and walks away. Buffy puts down her sketch pad, gets up and follows Giles toward the workout room, taking off her sweater as she goes. End Overture. Cut to the graveyard, night. Buffy walks along, looking around. Suddenly she begins to sing! Song: "Alive" BUFFY: (verse one) Every single night, the same arrangement I go out and fight the fight. Still I always feel this strange estrangement Nothing here is real, nothing here is right. A vampire appears from behind a gravestone, rushes at Buffy. She spins him around, continues singing. BUFFY: I've been making shows of [punch] trading blows Just hoping no one knows [kick, grabs vampire and throws him behind her] That I've been going through the motions Walking through the part. Buffy pulls a stake from her jacket pocket. The vamp attacks her from behind and she stakes him without looking back. BUFFY: Nothing seems to penetrate my heart. She resumes walking and singing. BUFFY: (verse two) I was always brave, and kind of righteous. Now I find I'm wavering. We see two vampires and a demon gathered near a tree. There's a person tied to the tree. The vampires see Buffy and attack. BUFFY: Crawl out of your grave, you'll find this fight just [punches a vampire] Doesn't mean a thing. [punches second vamp] VAMP 1: She ain't got that swing. The vamp punches Buffy and she goes down. A sword is stuck in the ground beside her. She lies there on her back. Sound of crickets chirping. BUFFY: Thanks for noticing. She continues lying there as the two vamps and the demon begin to do a dance. VAMPS AND DEMON: She does pretty well with fiends from hell But lately we can tell [Buffy gets up and grabs the sword] That she's just going through the motions DEMON: Going through the motions. Buffy pulls Vamp 1 away, cuts off his head with the sword. VAMP 2: Faking it somehow. [Buffy pushes him aside, stabs the demon] DEMON: She's not even half the girl she- [looks down at his wound] ow. The demon falls over. Buffy continues walking, holding the sword. BUFFY: Will I stay this way forever? Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor? She uses the sword to cut the ropes that are tying the person to a tree. The person comes around the tree trunk and we see it's a very good-looking man. HANDSOME GUY: How can I repay- BUFFY: Whatever. She turns away, tosses the sword aside and continues walking. BUFFY: I don't want to beeeeee... [walks up onto a raised platform ringed by statues, stops] Going through the motions Losing all my drive. I can't even see If this is really me And I just want to be- Vamp 2 attacks her and she stakes him. He explodes into dust which forms an artful cloud, obscuring Buffy from view, then clears as she sings the final word. BUFFY: Aliiiiiive. End of song "Alive." Wide aerial shot of Buffy standing amidst the gravestones. Cut to magic shop, day. The bell jingles. Buffy enters. GILES: (O.S.) Good morning, Buffy! We see Willow and Tara standing by the counter. Giles in background. WILLOW: Oh, hey, did Dawn get off to school all right? BUFFY: (distracted) What? Oh, uh, yeah. I think so. Buffy walks farther into the store. We see Xander sitting at the round table holding a donut in each hand. XANDER: Respect the cruller. And tame the donut! Anya passes by en route to the counter. ANYA: That's still funny, sweetie. Anya goes behind the counter. Giles looks in the box of donuts, takes one out, takes a bite. BUFFY: So, uh, no research? Nothing going on? Monsters or whatnot? Giles and Xander shake their heads "no," continue eating donuts. BUFFY: Good! Good. (awkwardly) Uh, so, did anybody ... uh ... last night, you know, did anybody, um ... burst into song? Giles stops chewing. Everyone stares at Buffy for a moment. XANDER: Merciful Zeus! Willow, Tara, and Anya rush over. Everyone talks at once. WILLOW: We thought it was just us! GILES: Well, I sang but I had my guitar at the hotel... TARA: It was bizarre. We were talking and then it was like- BUFFY: Like you were in a musical! TARA: Yeah! GILES: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps. WILLOW: We did a whole duet about dish washing. ANYA: And we were arguing and, and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies and the dance with coconuts. WILLOW: There was an entire verse about the cous-cous. XANDER: It was very disturbing. [The above is everyone talking at once.] GILES: (to Buffy) What did you sing about? BUFFY: (pauses) I don't remember. But i-it seemed perfectly normal. XANDER: But disturbing. And not the natural order of things, and do you think it'll happen again? GILES: I don't know. I should look into it. WILLOW: With the books. TARA: Do we have any books on this? XANDER: Well, we just gotta break it down. Look at the factors before it happens again. Because I for one- [Giles begins to sing, interrupting Xander.] Song: "I've Got A Theory" GILES: I've got a theory That it's a demon A dancing demon! No, something isn't right there. WILLOW: I've got a theory Some kid is dreamin' And we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare. [Tara doing "jazz hands"] XANDER: I've got a theory we should work this out. ANYA/TARA/WILLOW/XANDER: It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about? XANDER: [jumps up] It could be witches! Some evil witches! [sees Willow's and Tara's expressions] Which is ridiculous, 'cause witches they were persecuted, Wicca good and love the earth and woman power and I'll be over here. [sits] ANYA: I've got a theory! It could be bunnies! Silence. The others just stare at her. Sound of crickets chirping. TARA: I've got a- Suddenly the tune changes to a frantic hard-rock beat with electric guitar and a roving spotlight that waves crazily over Anya. ANYA: (shrieking a la Alanis Morissette) Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? [playing air guitar] Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be bunnies! Fireworks go off all around her, then the smoke clears away. The others continue simply staring. ANYA: (back to original melody) Or maybe midgets. WILLOW: (quickly sits down beside Giles and opens a book) I've got a theory we should work this fast. WILLOW/GILES: Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed. Giles gets up, starts to climb the stairs to the loft. BUFFY: I've got a theory. It doesn't matter. Giles pauses, turns back. Everyone looks at Buffy. BUFFY: What can't we face if we're together? What's in this place that we can't weather? Apocalypse? We've all been there. The same old trips Why should we care? ALL EXCEPT GILES: What can't we do if we get in it? We'll work it through within a minute. Buffy looks at Giles throughout this. He watches her too and finally joins in. ALL: We have to try We'll pay the price It's do or die BUFFY: Hey, I've died twice. Giles smiles, comes down off the ladder. ALL: What can't we face if we're together? GILES: (descant) What can't we face... ALL: What's in this place that we can't weather? GILES: ...if we're together... ALL: There's nothing we can't face. ANYA: (sits) Except for bunnies. End of song "I've Got A Theory." XANDER: (sits) See, okay, that was disturbing. WILLOW: (sits) I thought it was neat. BUFFY: So what is it? What's causing it? GILES: I thought it didn't matter. BUFFY: Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish yet affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here. And that doesn't usually lead to hugs and puppies. ANYA: Well, is it just us? I mean, is it only happening to us? (Buffy turns away) 'Cause that would probably mean a spell or- Buffy goes to the door, opens it. The bell jingles. Cut to the street. A man (BTVS writer/producer David Fury) stands in the street holding a shirt in a dry-cleaning bag. DAVID: (sings) They got ... the mustard ... out! We see a whole crowd of people standing in dance formation holding dry-cleaning bags. They do a synchronized dance, waving the clothing around. CROWD: (sings) They got the mustard out! Buffy turns back into the store, closes the door. BUFFY: It's not just us. Cut to later. Dawn enters the store wearing a huge smile. DAWN: Oh my god. You will never believe what happened at school today. Reveal the rest of the gang sitting around the table looking at books. BUFFY: Everybody started singing and dancing? Dawn looks disappointed. DAWN: I gave birth to a pterodactyl. ANYA: Oh my god, did it sing? Shot of Willow and Tara whispering to each other. DAWN: So, you guys too, huh? (walks closer) XANDER: So what'd you guys sing about? DAWN: (sighs) Math. Dawn puts down her backpack, sits on a stool by the counter. We see Willow whispering in Tara's ear. TARA: (loudly) Tha-That's right! The, the volume. The text. GILES: What text? WILLOW: The volume-y text. You know? The, the (mumbles) report. XANDER: The what now? TARA: Oh, there's just a few volumes back at the house that deal with mystical chants, bacchanals. Dawn glances at the counter, sees a necklace lying there. TARA: It might be relevant. WILLOW: Yeah, we could, um- GILES: Well, I'm a hair's breadth from investigating bunnies at the moment, so I'm open to anything. Dawn furtively picks up the necklace and puts it in her pocket. WILLOW: Great, we'll, uh, go check it out and uh, we'll give you a call. TARA: Yeah, this could blow the whole thing wide open. Cut to Willow and Tara walking through a park. It's sunny and beautiful. Green grass, blue sky, etc. TARA: Do we have any books at all at home? WILLOW: Well, who wants to be cooped up on a day like this? The sun is shining, there's songs going on... A couple of young men walk by and look at Willow and Tara as they pass. WILLOW: ...those guys are checking you out. TARA: What? (turns to look) Wh-What are they looking at? WILLOW: The hotness of you, doofus. TARA: Those boys really thought I was hot? (looks back at them again) WILLOW: Entirely. TARA: Oh my god. I'm cured! I want the boys! Tara makes like she's going to run after the guys. Willow grabs her and pulls her back. Tara giggles. WILLOW: Do I have to fight to keep you? 'Cause I'm not large with the butch. They stand underneath a tree, leaning on a wooden railing. TARA: I'm just ... not used to that. They-they were really looking at me? WILLOW: (fondly) And you can't imagine what they see in you. TARA: I know exactly what they see in me. You. Song: "I'm Under Your Spell" TARA: (verse one) I lived my life in shadow Never the sun on my face. It didn't seem so sad, though I figured that was my place Now I'm bathed in light [walking out from the shade, lifting her face to the sun] Something just isn't right I'm under your spell How else could it be Anyone would notice me? It's magic, I can tell How you set me free Brought me out so easily. Pan across a little stream with a bridge over it. Willow and Tara are on the bridge. Tara takes Willow's hand and they walk off the bridge onto a path, holding hands. TARA: (verse two) I saw a world enchanted Spirits and charms in the air. Tara makes a gesture with her arm and sparkles appear, following her hand with a little tinkling noise. TARA: I always took for granted I was the only one there. Willow makes some even more impressive sparkles with her hand, ending in a small shower of sparks surrounding them both. They smile at each other. TARA: But your power shone Brighter than any I've known. Tara spins away from Willow. We see a small pond at the edge of the grass. Tara begins to dance. TARA: I'm under your spell Nothing I can do You just took my soul with you A couple of young women are on the grass sunbathing in the background. They get up and begin dancing in sync with Tara. TARA: You worked your charms so well Finally, I knew Everything I dreamed was true You made me believe. SUNBATHERS: Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh (etc...) Willow and Tara spin around in each other's arms. Suddenly they are in their bedroom. They sit down on the bed and look lovingly at each other. The music and background "ahh, ahh" continues. TARA: The moon to the tide I can feel you inside I'm under your spell [lies down on the bed] Surging like the sea [Willow leans over her, smiles] Wanting you so helplessly I break with every swell [Willow moves downward, disappears out of shot] Lost in ecstasy Spread beneath my willow tree You make me complete! Tara's body slowly rises up and hovers over the bed. TARA: You make me complete You make me complete You make me... Cut back to the magic shop. Everyone still looking at books. XANDER: I bet they're not even working. BUFFY: Who now? XANDER: Willow and Tara. You see the way they were with each other? The get-a-roominess to them? I bet they're- (glances at Dawn, catches himself) Singing. They're probably singing right now. GILES: I'm sure Willow and Tara are making every effort. XANDER: Oh, yeah. BUFFY: Xander. DAWN: Buffy, it's okay. I do know about this stuff. Besides, it's all kinda romantic. BUFFY/XANDER: No it's not! DAWN: Come on! Songs, dancing around. What's gonna be wrong with that? Cut to the Bronze. It's dark. A man is tap-dancing across the floor. Cut closer and we see that his expression is scared and desperate. He continues dancing and suddenly bursts into flame, screaming. He falls to the floor in front of a pair of feet in red shoes and red pants. Pan up to reveal a demon in a red suit, with red skin and a pointy chin. SWEET: That's entertainment. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on exterior shot of Xander's apartment building. XANDER VOICEOVER: You want some breakfast, baby? Cut to the bedroom. Xander and Anya still in bed. ANYA: You don't have to go to work? XANDER: Nah, I shut the crew down for the day. My guys start dancing around me, I don't know if I can deal. It's a flab thing. So, waffles? ANYA: Will you still make me waffles when we're married? XANDER: No, I'll only make them for myself, but by California law, you will own half of them. (kisses her) Hey, how about omelettes? I could do an omelette. I've almost got that- Xander continues talking unintelligibly as Anya sits up and begins to sing to the camera. Song: "I'll Never Tell" ANYA: This is the man that I plan to entangle Isn't he fine? My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle Vengeance was mine! But I'm out of the biz The name I made, I'll trade for his The only trouble is [pauses, shakes her head] I'll never tell. Anya gets up and walks off. Xander sits up in bed and sings to the camera. XANDER: She is the one She's such wonderful fun Such passion and grace. Anya returns, sits beside him to put on her slippers. Xander fondles her knee. XANDER: Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight- [catches himself] Embrace! Tight embrace! [hugs her] I'll never let her go [Anya putting slippers on] The love we've known can only grow There's just one thing that - no. I'll never tell. BOTH: 'Cause there's nothing to tell. Cut to the two of them leaving the bedroom, emerging into the living room. ANYA: He snores. XANDER: She wheezes. ANYA: Say 'housework' and he freezes. XANDER: [opens the fridge] She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe. Xander picks up a green cheese, sniffs it and makes an "ew" face. ANYA: I talk, he breezes. XANDER: She doesn't know what 'please' is. ANYA: His pen1s got diseases from a Chumash tribe! [Xander looks annoyed, closes fridge] BOTH: The vibe gets kind of scary XANDER: Like she thinks I'm ordinary ANYA: Like it's all just temporary XANDER: Like her toes are kind of hairy BOTH: [giving each other fake smiles] But it's all very well 'Cause god knows, I'll never tell! Xander opens the newspaper. The headline on the front page reads: MAYHEM CAUSED. MONSTERS CERTAINLY NOT INVOLVED, OFFICIALS SAY. ANYA: When things get rough, he Just hides behind his Buffy! [Xander gives her a look] Now look, he's getting huffy 'Cause he knows that I know. XANDER She clings She's needy She's also really greedy She nev- ANYA: His eyes are beady! XANDER: This is my verse, hello! She- Anya begins to dance in flapper style. ANYA: (spoken) Look at me! I'm dancing crazy! Xander joins the dance and they dance together around the apartment. BOTH: You know... XANDER: You're quite the charmer. ANYA: My knight in armor. XANDER: You're the cutest of the Scoobies With your lips as red as rubies And your firm yet supple- [catches himself] Tight embrace! They resume dancing, then go to opposite sides of the dining room table and sit. ANYA: He's swell XANDER: She's sweller ANYA: He'll always be my feller XANDER: That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified. ANYA: I've read this tale There's wedding, then betrayal I know there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide. They get up, crawl across the table toward each other. BOTH: I lied I said it's easy I've tried But there's these fears I've can't quell They sit with their backs pressed against each other. XANDER: Is she looking for a pot of gold? ANYA: Will I look good when I've gotten old? [stands up] XANDER: Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful? ANYA: When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley? They get up, resume dancing. XANDER: Am I crazy? ANYA: Am I dreamin'? XANDER: Am I marrying a demon? BOTH: We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell! So, thank god, I'll never tell! I swear that I'll never tell! They walk around the table, toward the couches in the living-room area. XANDER: My lips are sealed ANYA: I take the Fifth XANDER: Nothing to see Move it along BOTH: I'll never Tell! They both fall back onto the sofa, clutching each other and laughing fake Hollywood-musical laughs. End of song "I'll Never Tell." Cut to the street. Anya and Xander are on either side of Giles, all walking down the street. Anya and Xander both talking at once. XANDER: It's a nightmare. ANYA: It has to be stopped. XANDER: It's a plague. It's like a nightmare about a plague. ANYA: It was like we were being watched. XANDER: It's like, I didn't wanna be saying things- ANYA: Like there was a wall missing- XANDER: -but they just kept pouring out. ANYA: -in our apartment. XANDER: And they rhymed and they were mean and ANYA: Like there were only three walls and not a fourth wall and XANDER: My eyes are not beady! ANYA: My toes are not hairy! They stop talking over each other. XANDER: Giles, you've got to stop it. GILES: Well, I am looking into some leads, and I- ANYA: It's just, clearly our number is a retro pastiche that's never going to be a breakaway pop hit. XANDER: Work with me, British man. Give me an axe and show me where to point it. We hear a woman singing but we can't see her or make out the words yet. GILES: Well now, Xander, it's not quite that simple. But I have learned about some disturbing things. Basically- They continue talking in the background as we focus on a woman (BTVS executive producer Marti Noxon) who is standing by her car singing to a policeman. The cop is writing her a parking ticket and we see that her car is parked next to a fire hydrant. As she sings we can see Giles, Xander, and Anya standing and talking in background. MARTI: I'm asking you please no It isn't right, it isn't fair There was no parking anywhere I think that hydrant wasn't there [cop gives her the ticket] Why can't you let it go? I think I've paid more than my share... She continues singing in the background as Xander, Anya, and Giles resume walking and talking. XANDER: As in burnt up? Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts! ANYA: I don't know. One more verse of our little ditty and I would've been looking for a gas can. GILES: Well, clearly emotions are running high. (We see people in background dancing together) But as far as I can tell these people burnt up from the inside, spontaneously combusted. (Three street sweeper men in background dancing with brooms) I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias. XANDER: Okay, but we're sure that the things are related: the singing and dancing, and burning and dying. They stop walking. The street sweepers continue their dance in background. GILES: We're not sure of much. Buffy's looking for leads at the local demon haunts, at least ... in theory she is, but ... she doesn't seem to- XANDER: She's easing back into it. We pulled her out of an untold hell dimension. Ergo the weirdness. The important thing is to be there for her. GILES: (shakes head) I'm helping her as much as I can, but, uh... Anya pats Giles awkwardly on the shoulder. Cut to Spike's crypt. Buffy enters. Spike emerges from his underground lair. SPIKE: The sun sets and she appears. (climbs up the rest of the way) Come to serenade me? BUFFY: So you know what's going on. SPIKE: Well, I've seen some damn funny things in the last two days. A 600 pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac, that one will stay with you. I remain immune, happy to say. (holds up a bottle of whiskey) Drink? BUFFY: A world of no. (sits) So any idea what's causing this? SPIKE: (disappointed) Oh. So that's all. You've just come to pump me for information. BUFFY: What else would I wanna pump you for? (cringes) I really just said that, didn't I? SPIKE: Yeah, well ... don't wanna bore you with the small talk. Spike walks to the door, opens it and turns toward Buffy. SPIKE: Don't know a thing. BUFFY: (frowns) What's up? You're all bad moody. SPIKE: Nothing. Glad you could stop by. He makes a gesture toward the door. Buffy stays seated, looks at him. SPIKE: (defensive) It's nothing. BUFFY: What? Song: "Rest In Peace" SPIKE: (verse one) I died So many years ago. [Spike looks surprised to hear himself singing. Buffy rolls her eyes] But you can make me feel Like it isn't so [shakes his head, closes the door] And why you come to be with me I think I finally know Mmm, mmm. (verse two) You're scared. Ashamed of what you feel [Buffy not looking at him] And you can't tell the ones you love You know they couldn't deal [Now she looks at him, frowns] Whisper in a dead man's ear, It doesn't make it real. [points to his head] Buffy looks at him, then looks away. Spike rolls his eyes in annoyance. SPIKE: (verse three) That's great. But I don't wanna play. [walks over to a coffin] 'Cause being with you touches me More than I can say. But since I'm only dead to you [jumps up to sit on the coffin] I'm saying stay away [lies down on the coffin, crosses arms over his chest] And let me rest in peace. Spike jumps up and the song takes on an angry rock beat for the refrain. SPIKE: (refrain) Let me rest in peace Let me get some sleep [grabs whiskey bottle and throws it against the wall. Buffy jumps up] Let me take my love and bury it In a hole six foot deep I can lay my body down [advancing on Buffy] But I can't find my sweet release [turns away from her with an angry gesture] So let me rest in peace! Buffy looks annoyed, turns toward the door, but Spike intercepts her. SPIKE: (verse four) You know You've got a willing slave [goes to his knees] And you just love to play the thought That you might misbehave. [Buffy rolls her eyes] But till you do I'm telling you, [stands up] Stop visiting my grave [angrily] And let me rest in peace. Spike yanks the door open again. Cut to the graveyard. A group of men carry a coffin along. A few dozen yards away we see Spike and Buffy walking along side-by-side. SPIKE: (bridge) I know I should go But I follow you like a man possessed There's a traitor here beneath my breast [exchanges a look with Buffy] And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed [looking at Buffy] If my heart could beat, it would break my chest [they stop walking] But I can see you're unimpressed [angrily] So leave me be. Spike jumps up onto the coffin being carried by the men. SPIKE: (refrain) And let me rest in peace Let me get some sleep The pall-bearers tip the coffin and Spike tumbles off the end of it, bounces to his feet and shifts into game face. SPIKE: Let me take my love and bury it In a hole six foot deep He rampages through the mourners, tossing their folding-chairs aside. The people scatter. SPIKE: I can lay my body down But I can't find my sweet release... He grabs the priest, stares at him. Buffy comes up behind Spike, grabs him and turns him around. Spike and Buffy tumble backward into the open grave. Spike lands on his back with Buffy on top of him. He's back in human face. SPIKE: Let me rest in peace. Why won't you Let me rest in peace? End of song "Rest In Peace." They still lie in the grave with Buffy on top. She stares at Spike for a moment, then gets off him, leaps out of the grave and runs off. Spike pokes his head up out of the grave to watch her go. SPIKE: (spoken) So ... you're not staying then? Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Dawn is dumping stuff out of her schoolbag. Tara watches from the doorway. Tara has the "forget" herb pinned to her blouse. TARA: Lotta homework? DAWN: Ah, math. It seemed cool when we were singing about it. TARA: (smiles) Willow said they have a lead on the whole musical extravaganza evil. This demon that can be summoned, some sort of Lord of the Dance. (grins) Oh, but not the scary one. Just a demon. DAWN: Um ... do they know who summoned it? TARA: They don't even know its name yet. But Willow will find out. She's the brainy type. (smiles) DAWN: Hm. (smiles at Tara) I'm glad you guys made up. TARA: What? DAWN: That fight you guys had about magic and stuff? It gives me belly rumblings when you guys fight. TARA: (confused) Dawn, Willow and I never fought about- DAWN: It's okay. It's just ... you guys are so great together. I just hate it when you- Tara puts her hand to the herb on her blouse, removes it. Her "I'm Under Your Spell" melody plays in background. DAWN: But that was the only fight I've seen you guys have anyway. But I'm still glad it's over. TARA: (staring at the herb) Dawn, I, um ... there's something I need at the shop. Will you be okay for a little while? DAWN: Yes. The fifteen-year-old can spend a half an hour alone in her locked house. TARA: I-I won't be gone long. Tara leaves. Dawn goes over to a side table, opens a small wooden box. It's filled with stuff she has taken from the magic shop. She takes out the necklace from before and puts it on, looks at herself in the mirror. DAWN: (sings) Does anybody even notice? Does anybody even care? She turns around to find a demon (Sweet's minion) standing behind her. Its whole head is like a big mask. We see there are actually three of the minions. They throw a bag over Dawn's head. She continues screaming, muffled. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the Bronze. Pan down to reveal Dawn asleep on the pool table. She suddenly jerks awake, sits up, begins to do a ballet dance. She leaps down off the pool table and is confronted by one of the mask minions. They do a ballet-ish dance that basically represents Dawn trying to escape and the demon stopping her. The other two demons appear and join the dance. They surround Dawn as she huddles close to the floor. Then they fling her and she goes sliding across the floor, stopping beside the stage. We see Sweet's feet in red pants and black-and-white dance shoes. They begin to do a tap-dance number, dance down the stairs and toward Dawn... Meanwhile the camera moves up to reveal Sweet. He dances around to the other side of Dawn. Song: "That's What It's All About." SWEET: Why'd you run away? Don't you like my ... style? He snaps his fingers and his red suit turns to a blue one. SWEET: Why don't you come and play? I guarantee a... He reaches up to his face, pulls off his mouth and holds the disembodied mouth in Dawn's face. She stares in shock as the mouth continues singing. SWEET: ...great big smile. The mouth disappears from his hand and reappears in its normal place. SWEET: I come from the Imagination And I'm here strictly by your Invocation [holds up a scroll covered with writing] So what do you say? Why don't we dance awhile? He dances over to Dawn, gestures at her, then dances away again. SWEET: I'm the hot swing I'm the twist and shout [tapdances] When you gotta sing, When you gotta ... let it out. [shot of the three minions dancing to the tune] You call me and I come a-running [dances back toward Dawn] I turn the music on I bring the fun in [makes a string-pulling gesture at Dawn, who gets up] Now we're partyin' That's what it's all about. [chuckles] He dances toward Dawn and she dances backward. SWEET: 'Cause I know ... what you feel, girl. He puts his arms around her and they dance together. Dawn looks scared. SWEET: I know just what you feel, girl. He spins Dawn away, she dances a few steps away from him. DAWN: (spoken, nervous) So ... you're like a good demon? Bringing the fun in? Sweet laughs, shakes his head "no." SWEET: All these melodies ... [Dawn sits] They go on too long Then that energy [minions doing a dance-fight] Starts to come on way too strong All those hearts laid open, that must sting [a door appears beside Sweet, he reaches for the knob] Plus, some customers just start combusting Sweet opens the door and a charred smoking corpse falls through it. Dawn stares in horror. SWEET: That's the penalty [dances back over to her] When life is but a song. [dancing up very close to Dawn, she looks very nervous] You brought me down into this town So, when we blow this scene Back we will go to my kingdom below And you will be my queen Sweet makes a gesture and Dawn's clothing turns to a satiny ball gown. SWEET: 'Cause I know what you feel, girl [dances up onto the stage] DAWN: No, you see You and me Wouldn't be very regal SWEET: I'll make it real, girl [dancing around the stage] DAWN: What I mean I'm fifteen So this queen thing's illegal SWEET: [jumps back onto the floor] I can bring whole cities to ruin And still have time to get a soft-shoe in DAWN: Well, that's great But I'm late And I'd hate to delay her SWEET: [dancing around her] Something's cooking, I'm at the griddle I bought Nero his very first fiddle DAWN: She'll get pissed If I'm missed See, my sister's the Slayer Sweet stops in mid-kick, looks surprised, stops dancing, turns to Dawn. End of song "That's What It's All About." SWEET: (spoken) The Slayer? DAWN: (nods, nervously) Yuh-huh. SWEET: (chuckles, turns to minions) Find her. Tell her ... tell her everything. (Dawn looks nervous) Just get her here. I want to see the Slayer burn. Dawn looks alarmed. SWEET: (sings) Now we're partying. That's what it's all about. Cut to the workout room. Giles holds a large piece of wood. Buffy kicks it in two. GILES: Good. Good. BUFFY: I feel like I should ... bow, or ... have honor or something. GILES: It may seem hokey, but we need to work on precision and concentration as much as power. (goes to put the wood down) We're still not sure what we're facing. BUFFY: (puts one leg up on the horse, stretches) Oh, you'll figure it out. I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an 80's movie. GILES: Ah. Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away. (picks up a towel) Anyway, I don't think we need to work that much on your strength. BUFFY: Yeah, I'm pretty spry for a corpse. (doing a handstand on the horse) GILES: (pauses) Have you spoken to Dawn about that incident at Halloween? Buffy leaps down from the horse, frowns. BUFFY: Oh. I thought you took care of that. (stretching her arms) GILES: (softly) Right. BUFFY: (oblivious) What would I do without you? Giles looks pensive, turns and begins to walk toward a set of weapons in a display case on the wall. BUFFY: Okay. I'm ready. Song: "Standing In The Way" GILES: You're not ready for the world outside You keep pretending, but you just can't hide [picks up something from weapons case] I know I said that I'd be standing by your side [walks toward Buffy] But I... Giles throws a small knife at Buffy. She leans backward, lets it fly past her. GILES: Your path's unbeaten and it's all uphill [throws another knife, which she deflects with one hand] And you can meet it, but you never will [walking back toward the weapons] And I'm the reason that you're standing still [looks at her as she stands waiting] But I... [walks back, throws another knife, Buffy kicks it aside in slow-motion] I wish I could say the right words To lead you through this land. [Buffy still kicking in slo-mo] Wish I could play the father And take you by the hand [reaching out his hand, then pulls it back] Wish I could stay here But now I understand [walks closer as Buffy does a handspring and then a split in slo-mo] I'm standing in the way. As Giles continues singing, we cut to the magic shop. Tara walks in as Willow has her back turned. Willow doesn't see Tara. GILES: The cries around you, you don't hear at all Tara walks quickly toward the back, crying, looking at the herb in her hand, begins to climb the steps to the loft. GILES: 'Cause you know I'm here to take that call Cut back to the workout room. Giles walks around the perimeter in regular speed as Buffy does flips across the center of the room in slo-mo. GILES: So you just lie there when you should be standing tall But I... [Buffy punching the punching bag in slo-mo as Giles walks around her] I wish I could lay your arms down And let you rest at last Wish I could slay your demons But now that time has passed Wish I could stay here Your stalwart, standing fast But I've been standing in the way. Buffy walks right up in front of Giles, shaking her hair out, still in slo-mo. GILES: I'm just standing ... in the way. End of song "Standing In The Way." Buffy returns to regular speed. BUFFY: (spoken) Did you just say something? Cut to the loft. Tara looks through a book. She holds the piece of dried herb up to a picture of the same herb. Close shot on the book. The herb is labeled "Lethe's Bramble. Used for augmenting spells of forgetting and mind control." Song: "Wish I Could Stay" TARA: (same melody from her previous song) I'm under your spell God, how can this be? Playing with my memory [turns, goes to the edge of the loft and looks down] You know I've been through hell Willow, don't you see? [below, we see Buffy go over to Willow and greet her] There'll be nothing left of me You made me believe. [Giles emerges from the back, overlaps with Tara's last word] GILES: Believe me, I don't wanna go GILES/TARA: And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so [shot of Willow and Buffy talking, oblivious to the singing] GILES/TARA: But we both know Tara comes down the stairs and Giles sits at the table as they sing. GILES TARA Wish I could say the right words To lead you through this land Wish I could play the father And take you by the hand Wish I could trust that it was just this once But I must do what I must I can't adjust to this disgust We're done and I just GILES/TARA: Wish I could stay [Tara reaches the ground level, Giles stands up] Wish I could stay Wish I could stay [They both walk toward the front of the store. Another shot of Buffy and Willow talking] GILES/TARA: Wish I could stay... End of song "Wish I Could Stay." Tara and Giles stand side-by-side as their song ends. Suddenly Spike bursts into the magic shop pulling one of Sweet's minions. Everyone turns to look. SPIKE: Lookie lookie what I found. TARA: Is-is this the demon guy? WILLOW: (happily) Tara! Tara ignores her. Willow looks surprised. Xander and Anya emerge from the back. SPIKE: Works for him. Has a nice little story for the Slayer, don't you? Come on, then. (shoves the minion forward) Sing. The music swells up dramatically as if to introduce a big musical number, but the minion simply speaks in normal voice. MINION: My master has the Slayer's sister hostage at the Bronze because she summoned him and at midnight he's going to take her to the underworld to be his queen. GILES: What does he want? MINION: (indicates Buffy) Her. SPIKE: (scoffs) If that's all you've got to say, then- Spike tries to grab the minion but he breaks free and runs off. SPIKE: (surprised) Strong. Someday he'll be a real boy. BUFFY: So. Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday. TARA: I-I just left her for a few minutes. BUFFY: Oh, it's not your fault. So what's the plan? XANDER: Plan, schman. Let's mount up. GILES: No. ANYA: Uh, Dawn may have had the wrong idea in summoning this creature, but ... I've seen some of these underworld child bride deals and, and they never end well. Well, maybe once. WILLOW: We're not just gonna stay here. GILES: Yes we are. (looks intently at Buffy) Buffy's going alone. SPIKE: (disgusted laugh) Gah! Don't be a stupid git. There is no- GILES: If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll- (pauses to consider) I'll never want your opinion. WILLOW: A little confusion spell could- TARA: No! (Willow looks surprised) I mean, I don't think it'll help. SPIKE: (to Buffy) Look, forget them, Slayer. I've got your back. BUFFY: I thought you wanted me to stay away from you. Isn't that what you sang? XANDER: Spike sing a widdle song? ANYA: Would you say it was a breakaway pop hit or more of a book number? XANDER: Let it go, sweetie. SPIKE: (to Buffy, angrily) Fine. I hope you dance till you burn. You and the little bit. Spike exits. Buffy looks at Giles. BUFFY: You're really not coming. GILES: (walks up to her) It's up to you, Buffy. BUFFY: (upset) What do you expect me to do? GILES: Your best. Buffy stares at him. Cut to the street. It's dark, red lighting. Some people are doing an angry dance-fight. Pan down to focus on a garbage can with a fire burning inside it. Buffy walks up in foreground, holds her hand out to the fire. Song: "Walk Through The Fire" BUFFY: (verse one) I touch the fire and it freezes me I look into it and it's black Why can't I feel? [looking at her hand] My skin should crack and peel [turns to glare at the camera] I want the fire back! Cut to the Bronze. Smoke swirls as Sweet shoves Dawn into a chair, goes to sit in another chair beside her. Dawn looks scared. BUFFY: (verse two) Now through the smoke, she calls to me To make my way across the flame [cut back to Buffy standing on the street] To save the day Or maybe melt away I guess it's all the same (refrain) So I will walk [starts to walk] through the fire 'Cause where else can I turn? I will walk through the fire And let it- Cut to Spike sitting in an alley smoking a cigarette. SPIKE: (verse three) The torch I bear is scorching me Buffy's laughing, I've no doubt [takes a drag] I hope she fries I'm free if that bitch dies! [tosses cigarette away angrily, then jumps up] I better help her out. [starts walking] Cut to the Bronze. SWEET: (refrain) 'Cause she is drawn to the fire. SWEET: Some people SPIKE: She will SPIKE/SWEET: never learn. [Spike walking down the street. Sweet standing up in the Bronze] SPIKE/SWEET: And she will walk through the fire And let it- Cut to the magic shop. Willow and Tara sit at the table not looking at each other. Giles stands behind the counter. GILES: (bridge) Will this do a thing to change her? Am I leaving Dawn in danger? Is my slayer too far gone to care? XANDER: What if Buffy can't defeat it? ANYA: Beady Eyes is right, we're needed! Or we could just sit around and glare. [looks at Willow and Tara] Giles comes out from behind the counter, gives Willow and Tara a look. They get up, and they all start walking toward the door. ANYA/GILES/TARA/WILLOW/XANDER: (refrain) We'll see it through It's what we're always here to do So we will walk through the fire Cut to Buffy walking alone through an alley. BUFFY: TARA: (descant) So one by one, they turn from me I guess my friends can't face the cold But why I froze, not one among them knows And never can be told. What can't we face... If we're together? The following sequence has Sweet split-screened with the Scoobies as they walk along the street singing. Basically whoever's singing at the moment is on screen. SWEET: BUFFY: ANYA: She came from the grave much graver SPIKE: First he'll kill her, then I'll save her TARA: Everything is turning out so dark SPIKE: No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her WILLOW: I think this line's mostly filler GILES: What's it gonna take to strike a spark? So one by one they turn to me The distant redness as their guide That single flame Ain't what they had in mind. It's what they have inside. Going through the motions Walking through the part BUFFY: SWEET: These endless days are finally ending in a blaze She will come to me. BUFFY, ANYA, GILES, SPIKE, TARA, WILLOW, XANDER: And we are caught in the fire [Buffy walking down the street alone] The point of no return So we will walk through the fire [The Scoobies walking down the street. A fire engine goes by behind them with lights flashing] And let it Burn Let it burn [Spike jumps over a fence, is in an alley] Let it burn Let it burn! Buffy kicks down the door of the Bronze. It smashes to pieces. SWEET (spoken) Showtime! (chuckles) Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy walks into the Bronze, looks around, sees Sweet and Dawn sitting in chairs on the stage. SWEET: I love a good entrance. BUFFY: How are you with death scenes? Sweet just chuckles. Buffy walks a little closer. BUFFY: You got a name? SWEET: I've got a hundred. BUFFY: Well, I ought to know what to call you if you're gonna be my brother-in-law. DAWN: Buffy, I swear I didn't do it. BUFFY: Don't worry. You're not going anywhere. (Sweet looks at her) I am. DAWN: What? (Sweet looks interested, sits forward) BUFFY: (to Sweet) Deal's this. I can't kill you? You take me to Hellsville in her place. SWEET: (scoffs) What if I kill you? BUFFY: (deadpan) Trust me. Won't help. SWEET: Hm, that's gloomy! BUFFY: That's life. SWEET: (chuckles) Come now, is that really what you feel? Isn't life a miraculous thing? BUFFY: I think you already know. Song: "Life" BUFFY: (verse one, ballad-like melody) Life's a show And we all play our parts And when the music starts [unbuttons her jacket, opens it] We open up our hearts. [drops jacket to the floor] It's all right If some things come out wrong [looks over, sees the minions holding pool cues] We'll sing a happy song And you can sing along. The beat changes to a harsh hard-rock tune with lots of electric guitar. The minions attack. BUFFY: Where there's life [grabs pool cue from minion, hits him] There's hope Every day's [elbows second minion] A gift Wishes can [kick] Come true Whistle while [punch] You work [blow with pool cue] So hard [blow] All day [throws pool cue, impales third minion] Back to the original ballad melody. BUFFY: To be like other girls. Giles, Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara run in. BUFFY: To fit in in this glittering world. [Sweet watching, listening] Don't give me songs. GILES: (spoken) She needs backup. Anya, Tara. BUFFY: Don't give me songs. Anya and Tara take up positions behind Buffy to be her backup singers and dancers. The three of them move in sync. BUFFY: Give me something to sing about. ANYA/TARA: Ahhhhh... BUFFY: I need something to sing about. ANYA/TARA: Ahhhhh... More dancing. The hard-rock beat returns. The girls dance to it for a minute, then return to the first dance and the ballad. BUFFY: (verse two) Life's a song You don't get to rehearse. And every single verse Can make it that much worse. [Anya and Tara stop dancing, move to background] [Buffy puts up a hand as if to shield herself from the sight of her friends] Still my friends Don't know why I ignore The million things or more I should be dancing for. Back to the hard-rock tune. Buffy continues dancing alone. BUFFY: All the joy Life sends Family And friends All the twists And bends Knowing that It ends Well that Depends Back to the ballad melody. BUFFY: On if they let you go [looking around at the Scoobies] On if they know enough to know [walking up the steps to the stage] That when you've bowed You leave the crowd. She walks up onto the stage, looks back at the others, then at Sweet still sitting. He makes his string-pulling gesture. Buffy walks right up to him. BUFFY: (verse three, new melody) There was no pain No fear, no doubt Till they pulled me out Of Heaven. [looks back at the others. Giles and Xander looking surprised] So that's my refrain. [Willow looking horrified] I live in Hell [Xander looking horrified] 'Cause I've been expelled From Heaven I think I was in Heaven [Willow looking horrified] So give me something to sing about. [whirls around to look at Sweet] Please Give me something... Sweet shakes his head. Buffy gives a desperate look, turns and flips off the stage onto the floor. The hard-rock tune returns with the electric guitars playing a wild riff. Buffy dances, faster and faster. Dawn watches in dismay. Sweet leans forward expectantly. Buffy spins wildly round and round and round, smoke begins to curl off her. Suddenly Spike appears, stops her by grabbing her upper arms. Buffy gives him a desperate unhappy look. SPIKE: (verse four, same melody as verse three) Life's not a song Life isn't bliss Life is just this It's living [brushes hair back from her face] You'll get along [Dawn stands up] The pain that you feel You only can heal By living [Buffy looks about to cry] You have to go one living So one of us is living. Buffy stares at Spike. Dawn walks forward to the edge of the stage. DAWN: (spoken) The hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it. Buffy looks at Dawn, then back at Spike. Shot of Tara trying to comfort Willow. Last few chords. End of song "Life's A Show." Sweet applauds. SWEET: Now that was a show-stopping number. (Buffy and Spike turning to look at him) Not quite the fireworks that I was looking for. WILLOW: Get out of here. SWEET: Mm, I smell power. (stands) I guess the little missus and I should be on our way. (Dawn backing away from him in fear, sitting back down) GILES: That's never going to happen. SWEET: (chuckling) I don't make the rules. She summoned me. DAWN: (to Sweet) I so did not. (to others) He keeps saying that. SWEET: You have my talisman on, sweet thing. Sweet reaches to touch the necklace Dawn is wearing. She cringes in fear, cowers away from him. DAWN: (very nervous) Oh, but, no, I, I, um, uh, this, at, at the Magic Box, on the floor, I was, I was cleaning, and I ... forgot ... but ... I didn't summon anything. SWEET: Well now, that's a twist. GILES: If it was in the shop ... then one of us probably... Beat. They all look around at each other. Slowly Xander raises his hand. ANYA: Xander?! XANDER: Well, I didn't know what was gonna happen! I just thought there were gonna be dances and songs. (to Anya) I just wanted to make sure we'd... we'd work out. (nervous smile) Get a happy ending. SWEET: (chuckling) I think everything worked out just fine. XANDER: Does this mean that I have to... (gulp) be your queen? (Anya looks anxious) SWEET: It's tempting. (Xander looking apprehensive) But I think we'll waive that clause just this once. Xander is intensely relieved. Everyone else just continues watching Sweet. SWEET: Big smiles everyone! You beat the bad guy. He does a quick spin. Song: "See You In Hell" SWEET: (same tune as his first number) What a lot of fun You guys have been real swell [chuckles, begins dancing] And there's not a one Who can say this ended well [Buffy and Spike watching] All those secrets you've been concealing [Willow, Tara, Giles, and Xander watching] Say you're happy now, Once more with feeling. Now I gotta run See you all... He turns into a ball of light that swirls around their heads, leaving a sparkly trail. They watch it go. SWEET: ...in heeeeeeell! End of song "See You In Hell." Everyone stands around looking kind of shell-shocked. Dawn walks across the stage in foreground with the others in background. Song: "Where Do We Go From Here?" DAWN: Where do we go ... from here? [walks to the steps and down] BUFFY/SPIKE: Where do we go ... from here? GILES: The battle's done And we kind of won GILES/TARA: So we sound our victory cheer Where do we go from here? ANYA/XANDER: Why is the path unclear When we know home is near? They all move to stand in a line side-by-side. ALL: Understand we'll go hand in hand [all join hands] But we'll walk alone in fear. [all release hands and walk off in different directions] GILES: Tell me! ALL: Where do we go from here? When does the end appear? They all make a dance gesture with their arms. Close on Spike. In the middle of singing "appear" he suddenly stops, scoffs, puts his arm down. SPIKE: (spoken) Bugger this. Spike turns and leaves. The song continues without him. ALL: When do the trumpets cheer? The curtains close on a kiss, god knows Cut to outside. Spike exits and begins walking down the street. ALL: (faintly) we can tell the end is near. Buffy comes out of the Bronze after Spike. BUFFY: (spoken) Hey. ALL: (faintly) Where do we go from here? End of song "Where Do We Go From Here." SPIKE: (spoken) You should go back inside. Finish the big group sing. Get your kum-ba-yayas out. BUFFY: I don't want to. SPIKE: (sighs) The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones. BUFFY: Spike... SPIKE: Look, you don't have to say anything. BUFFY: (sings) I touch the fire and it freezes me. Spike looks surprised. They walk toward each other. SPIKE: (sings) I died... BUFFY: SPIKE: I look into it and it's black This isn't real But I just want to feel So many years ago. But you can make me Feel As they hold the last note on "feel" they walk right up to each other. They finish the song and kiss passionately. ALL: (singing) Where do we go from here? The words "The End" flash on the screen, then an image of curtains that draw closed over Buffy and Spike as they continue kissing. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. THE END

A mysterious force compels Sunnydale residents to break out into song and dance numbers that reveal their true feelings, and a new demon in town, Sweet, seems to be responsible for it. Buffy and Spike share a kiss.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_03x06

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_03x06_0

At Sean's house. He's dialing Emma's number Emma's answering machine: This is the Simpson-Nelson residence, please leave a message. (Sean hangs up. Tracker and Wendy come in.) Sean: Need help with that? Tracker: Um, Sean. This is uh Wendy. Wendy: Hi Tracker: This is my little bro, Sean Wendy: Bathroom? Tracker: First door on the right... Sorry bout' that bro. Figured you'd be over at the girlfriends, you know, as usual Sean: Haven't been there in a month. Thanks for noticing. Tracker: What? Did you guys break up or something? Sean: Her step-dad is sick. Tracker: Yeah, well, that's too bad. Look, why don't you um, why don't you go buy him a get well card or something. (Sean calls Emma again.) Emma's answering machine: This is the Simpson-Nelson residence, please leave a message. Outside Degrassi Toby: My (something) should just buy stock in the photo company, they ordered like two dozen prints. Sean: Are they blind? (Jay's civic comes up.) JT: See that guy Jay? One hundred percent pure psycho. Toby: Park there you'll get a ticket. Jay: Oh not a ticket! ~Jay grabs Toby's pictures~ Toby: Hey give those back! (Sean grabs them.) Jay: What are you? His body guard? Sean: His friend. Jay: pfft. Media Immersion Mr. Simpson: Good job... Spell check, try it some time. Sean: He's in a great mood. Emma: He started chemo last week. Sean: Oh, sorry. Emma: It's okay. The laptop was a surprise from Mom to cheer him up. Sean: Cause' nothing says happy like a new computer. Emma: true, if you're Archie Simpson...Did you call last night? There were some hang ups. Sean: No. Wasn't me...I was thinking. Why don't we get together tonight. You know, watch some TV, order a pizza, like we used to Emma: I don't know if I can Sean: Come on. A movie, a couch, double cheese, me. Emma: How could I resist? Hallway. Jay's breaking into a vending machine Jay: Yo what's up? Get up. (Jay gives Sean a chocolate bar. Sean sits next to Emma at her locker.) Sean: Hey. What is this? Emma: Tempe alp alpha and peanut sauce. Hello, vitamins. Sean: Hello, taste good. Mr. Simpson: Emma, I'm calling a sub, I'm going home. Emma: Not feeling well? Mr. Simpson: Your mom's stuck at the salon tonight. So you got a come straight home. Emma: I can't Sean and I are... Mr. Simpson: Are going to have to reschedule. (Emma sighs.) Sean: Did you guys ever hear of babysitters? Emma: Sean? Sean: Yeah I know, it sucks Emma: I know Outside Kendra: Wow, (something) you can't do that! Liberty: Oh, I can, a rare but legal move of opportunity by the lonely pawn. Nadia: Toby, is everything okay? Toby: JT was supposed to be here. Nadia: Then why is he sitting over there? Toby: He probably just forgot today's the inaugural meeting of the Rooks and Knights Society. Hey JT! Over here! Kendra: Yeah, he really forgot. Toby: Hope he hasn't forgotten he's staying over at my house tonight. Nadia: Check mate four Shop class Craig: When I try doing that with a wrench, it just felt looser. Sean: Maybe you should stick to selling cars. Craig: Hey shut up! Man, this was supposed to be my bird's course for the semester. Sean: I don't know many birds that can change a transmit ion. Mr. Ehl: Ah, nice job Sean, you can work my pit any day. Craig: Sean? What's his problem? Don't mess with him man. Sean: You're doing that wrong... Try removing the injector line first. Righty tighty, lefty loosy. Jay: You've got guts Cameron Classroom Mr. Armstrong: Now in an obtuse triangle, one angle is greater then 90 degrees, where as in a scalene triangle... (Mr. Raditch comes in.) Mr. Raditch: May I see Sean Cameron please? Mr. Armstrong: Sure, Sean? (They go outside the classroom.) Mr. Radicth: Someone broke into a vending machine near your locker. Did you see anything? Sean: No. Mr. Raditch: Really? Some students said that they saw you- Sean: Saw me what?! Mr. Raditch: I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this. Sean: So that points to me? The poor kid?! Mr. Raditch: That's not what I said Sean: Then what are you saying?! Mr. Raditch: Watch your tone. Sean, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this. Sean: Well I'm not at the bottom of it. Mr. Raditch: Well the way you're acting, I'm beginning to think you are. I'm watching you, Mr. Cameron. Outside Jay: What's your problem? Sean: You! Raditch is all over me because of that stupid vending machine! Jay: Did you tell him anything? Sean: No. But he thinks I did it! Jay: Oh, I'm in trouble with Raditch! I'm gonna get a detention! (Sean punches Jay, and a fight breaks out.) Mr. Armstrong: Hey, I said cool it! Office Jay: Technically, the sidewalk is city property. Fight was off school grounds. We should get a warning. Sean: Don't talk to me. Jay: You handled yourself pretty good. Sean: I said don't talk to me. Jay: Look at you, all Eminem on the outside, big scared baby on the inside. Sean: I've got a record okay? Jay: You're that guy aren't you? Nearly killed a kid in Wasaga! Sean: It was a fight, and I deafened him in one ear. Jay: Sorry? What, I can't hear you? Sean: You know, you're a real comedian for someone sitting in the principal's office. Jay: Chairs got my imprint in it. Look, you ever wanna hang with some real people, your people. Not geeks. You let me know. Mr. Raditch: Jason, you first. In my office now. JT's dream JT: Liberty... (Wakes up.) Toby: JT, get up. We're gonna be late. JT: Toby quit it! Stop! Toby: What? Did you pee the bed or something? You had a wet dream? 3 feet above my head? JT: Can you keep it down?! Toby: Who was it about? JT: Your Mom. Toby: It was Liberty wasn't it? Liberty...Liberty... JT: Toby! I swear if you tell anyone, I'll slaughter you! Toby: Okay shooter. So, what time do we meet the cool kids for lunch? JT: Lunch? No, no you're not having lunch with us okay? Toby: Oh yes I am. Unless you want everyone to find out about your sticky situation. Outside School Sean: Cold air intake. Jay: Yeah, how'd you know? Sean: It's a simple mod. Sucks air into the engine, adds about 5 horses. Jay: You know your cars. Sean: You don't. It's loose. Now, the cold air in takes a start, but if you really wanna tweak this, add a full cap back system...It, it's a pipe running from the (something) converter to the exhaust, it adds about 15 horse power. Jay: Sweet. How much? Sean: In parts? A few hundred. (Jay whistles.) Sean: The parts aren't cheap, but if you want, I can do the labor for free. [SCENE_BREAK] Lunch room Paige: Oh it might be a trump nine, but it does not beat a left bower. Spinner: I, I don't understand. I mean trump, bower, Euchre? Is this even English? Toby: Actually Euchre is an English word. But it's origins are unknown. Love Euchre, always play with my Buby. Deal me in. JT: I'm Toby Isaacs, I know everything. Toby: I was just making an observation. JT: Really? Would you like to hear my observation Toby? No one cares. Toby: Well I know something everyone here might care about. JT: Toby Toby: The nocturnal emission , better known as the wet dream. I've had them, Spinner's had them, even Mr. Raditch has even had them. Paige: Okay, I so did not need that mental image. Toby: Know who else has had them? JT: Hey guys, lets get back to the cards Toby: JT York Spinner: Okay. Is there a point to this? Toby: Oh there's a point. Right there. Spinner: I'm still lost. Toby: So was JT this morning, in sweet dreams of Liberty. Hazel: Uh, gross. Can we change the topic? Paige: No way, this is such juicy gossip. Pardon the pun. Ravine Emma: We have one hour to pick up each and every last piece of garbage. Remember guys, today we're gonna Everyone: clean the ravine! Jay: This is how you're gonna spend lunch? Picking up garbage? Sean: I promised I'd help out. Jay: Fine, help out. We're going for a drive. Emma: Sean, I was thinking you and I could start on the northeast slope. Jay: Uh oh, chemical spill! Emma: Well I'm gonna go start. Jay: Great sense of humor. Look man, it's your choice. Come for a ride, or "Clean the Ravine!" Emma and Sean in the Ravine Emma: Want a drink? Thanks for helping. I know this isn't exactly your idea of fun... Sean? Sean: The garbage isn't going any where. (They start to make out, but Kendra comes up.) Kendra: Uh, lot, lot a garbage? Sean: Emma? Emma: Anybody could walk by. Sean: Who cares? Emma: I do. Hallway Emma: See you in class... Fine, be like that Sean: Like what? Emma: Sulky. Sean: You're so uptight! Emma: Why? Because I didn't wanna like make out in front other people. Sean: No, because you never wanna do anything. Not with me! Emma: I just spent my entire lunch with you! Sean: Yeah! Cleaning the Ravine! Emma: Well sorry that I care about stupid unimportant things like the environment! Sean: That's all you care about! Emma Nelson! Environmental Crusader. A babysitter. A nurse. Emma: Snake has cancer Sean. Sean: Yeah, I heard! Emma: Fine, tomorrow you spend lunch with those losers! Sean: You know what? I will! Because at least they're fun! Emma: Fun?! And you! You're just pathetic. (Sean slams her locker.) Shop class Mr. Ehl: This is not a barn yard. I am not your mother. So clean up. Okay? All of you who have cleaned up, get outta here. Jay: Righty lefty loosy huh? Hey, remember the cap back system? I've been working on a scheme to get the cash. Sean: Oh yeah? Jay: It's pretty good. Sean: Good, lets do it. Jay: Don't you need permission from the boss? Sean: She's not my boss. Lets go. Jay: Alright Hallway Jay: Alright, I'll break in. You guys make sure the janitors are occupied. Sean: Yo, the keyboard will get you $50 if you're lucky. Now that, that'll buy you a cap back system. Jay: Since it was your idea. (Sean slips the laptop into the bag.) Outside School Sean: Alright, I got this. All you gotta do is clamp here. Jay: Up front? Sean: And another one at the (something) should be at the back. Emma: Sean, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone? Sean: No. Jay: Go ahead and talk. We're all interested. Emma: It's about yesterday. We both said a lot. I was hoping we could talk, really talk, about everything. Sean: Got nothing to say. (Emma walks away.) Alex: She really is as flat as a board. Outside JT: How could you do that? Toby: Me? What about the way you've been acting? JT: You told them I had a wet dream over Liberty! Toby: You treated me like crap for no reason! You stood me up for lunch, you act like I'm some big loser. What did I do to you? JT: Look, you're they're my friends, you're my friend, but you and them.. Toby: Are never gonna happen? JT: No... Toby, Toby, wait up! Let's have lunch together today, okay? Mr.Simpson's room Emma: What's the matter? Mr. Simpson: My, my new laptop. I, I thought I left it locked in here last night. I mean I know the chemo's making me stupid, but I cant believe I actually lost it. Emma: Maybe it's not the chemo...

Sean starts hanging out with the bad kids at school, which causes problems between him and Emma. Meanwhile, J.T. has been spending more time with Paige and the popular kids, leaving Toby behind.

fd_Bones_05x13

fd_Bones_05x13_0

TEASER (Fade in: Exterior -- Civil War reenactment site -- daytime. Soldiers walking about, riding horses, marching in formation. Indistinct conversation.) (Cut to: Two reenactors, Union soldier JASPER ALMAN and Confederate soldier DUVAL MILTOE, walking past a unit marching in formation.) ALMAN: Sayler's Creek was the beginning of the end for the South. MILTOE: We dug in and held you Yankees off for two days. ALMAN: Pfft. Which is why we live in the Confederate States of America, I guess, right? (Cut to: MILTOE digging a ditch in an old, dry creek bed as ALMAN stands by watching.) MILTOE: Our boys had set up a perimeter along this here creek. If we had been able to get supplies-... ALMAN: Oh, I hate to rub it in, Duvall, but you Rebels had more soldiers surrender at Farmville than in any other battle of the war. You could always switch sides, you know; join the winners. MILTOE: What the-... (brushes leaves away from what appears to be the bones of a leg) ALMAN: (kneeling to help clear debris; uncovers a hand) What is this? MILTOE: Oh, my God. Is that a dead soldier? (ALMAN continues to clear debris; uncovers a skull. Both reenactors jump up.) MILTOE: That's one of them Yankees we killed. ALMAN: Yankee? That's a... That's a Rebel Yell if I've ever seen one. MILTOE: He's screaming for his mother; that's how you can tell he's a Yankee. ALMAN: General Sheridan, we got a dead Rebel over here, sir. MILTOE: No, way. (calling out to nearby reenactors) Dead Yankee! ALMAN: Yes, we do! Dead Rebel! (Close up on the skull still buried in the ditch, as ALMAN and MILTOE continue to argue over the indistinct exclamations of gathering reenactors.) ALMAN (O.S.): Rebel! MILTOE (O.S.): Yankee! ALMAN (O.S.): Clearly a Rebel! MILTOE (O.S.): Clearly a Yankee! (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Hoover Building -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building -- SPECIAL AGENT SEELY BOOTH's office. BOOTH is doing paperwork as JARED BOOTH appears in the open doorway.) JARED: Is that work or Solitaire? BOOTH: Ha-ha, little brother; look at you. (BOOTH rounds his desk.) Hey! JARED: (enters the office and hugs BOOTH) How are you? BOOTH: Hey, good to see you. I thought you were biking across India. JARED: I was. You know what else? I survived. BOOTH: (returning to his chair) Survived. JARED: (laughs as they sit across from each other) I biked through Sikkim. I hiked to the top of Himachal Pradesh. I even learned a few dirty jokes in Hindi. You want to hear one? BOOTH: You didn't get yourself in any more trouble, did you? JARED: Not unless you count falling in love. BOOTH: Wow. Falling in love. Really? How? JARED: I was swimming with elephants in the Andaman Islands, when out of nowhere, Padme swan dives off a cliff, nearly killing both of us. BOOTH: Padme? JARED: Padme Dalaj. It's a beautiful name, right? Seely... I'm thinking of asking this girl to marry me. BOOTH: You... Congratulations. That's... (phone rings) I gotta get that; it's my special murder line. JARED: (laughs) Okay... You... You go ahead and save the world. BOOTH: All right, I'll...ah... I'll catch up with you later, okay? JARED: All right. BOOTH: Okay. (Answers phone as JARED exits the office.) Booth. (Cut to: Exterior -- Civil War reenactment site -- daytime. BOOTH and DR. TEMPERANCE BRENNAN are walking from their vehicle to the site of the recently discovered skeletal remains.) BOOTH: Jared's only known her for a month. One month. BRENNAN: Confederate soldiers at Farmville were so hungry, they scavenged seed and corn from horse excrement. BOOTH: Tasty. But, who marries someone after a month? BRENNAN: I thought you believed in love at first sight. BOOTH: Only in the movies, all right? And, not for Jared. (BOOTH and BRENNAN arrive at the ditch, where MILTOE and ALMAN are still standing.) BOOTH: Oh-ho! Look at this. What is with the red dirt? MILTOE: Well, the pine needles left behind tannic acid, which acts like red dye. BOOTH: (to BRENNAN) Who are these guys? BRENNAN: (descending into the creek to look over the remains) Well, he's right. And, years of tobacco farming drained the land of nutrients. ALMAN: Which caused the topsoil to wash away, which left behind red clay. BRENNAN: You're better informed scientifically than your attire might suggest. MILTOE: Well, as amateur historians, we've studied this battle, the terrain, military maneuvers... BOOTH: You don't say? ALMAN: (to BRENNAN) Could you, by any chance, tell us if that's a fallen Union soldier, or a dead Rebel? BRENNAN: The angle of the jaw indicates male. Otherwise... (shaking her head) I can't tell anything until I get the remains back to the lab. BOOTH: (to the Crime Scene Technicians) All right, you know what? We're going to need a backhoe. BRENNAN: And a cement cutter. BOOTH: (to the Crime Scene Technicians) And a cement cutter. (to BRENNAN, O.S.) You really love the heavy machinery. (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- the Jeffersonian Institute -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. BRENNAN, DR. CAMILLE SAROYAN, and VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY are on the platform discussing the body, still incased in a block of red clay.) BRENNAN: This trauma to the sternum is degraded. It's as though the bone demineralized over time. CAM: Maybe he got bayoneted, and then the clay leeched out the calcium. VINCENT: During the American Civil War, diseases such as typhoid fever, dysentery, and tuberculosis killed twice as many men as battle wounds. (BRENNAN begins reviewing x-rays on the computer.) CAM: That could be relevant. BRENNAN: It is not. CAM: Why? BRENNAN: This was not a Civil War casualty. VINCENT: Ah. Reconstructive surgery. BRENNAN: (points to the x-ray of an elbow joint) Titanium screws. VINCENT: Which were not introduced until the mid-60s. (quickly, after a look from CAM) Completely relevant to the matter at hand, I believe. (CAM begins looking over the block of clay with a flashlight.) BRENNAN: It's going to be very difficult to extract the remains from this clay without damaging the bones. VINCENT: Perhaps we could spray it with liquid nitrogen? Give it a short, sharp shock? BRENNAN: No, freezing the clay with gas would make the bones brittle and destroy evidence. VINCENT: But, as an idea...the fast-freezing option, it needed stating. (BRENNAN gives VINCENT a bemused look. CAM has focused her light on a crack in the side of the block of clay; a large number of small spiders begin crawling out. CAM screams and backs away quickly.) CAM: Whoa! BRENNAN: What...what happened? CAM: (pointing to the crack) Spiders. I don't like spiders, and... VINCENT: (sees the spiders) Oh. CAM: ...there are thousands of little spiders coming out of... VINCENT: I'll go get Hodgins. (runs off the platform) CAM: Uh... I really don't like spiders. BRENNAN: I don't mind them, actually. (Fade to: Opening Credits) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 1 (Fade in: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. DR. JACK HODGINS is vacuuming up the spiders, still crawling around the floor. VINCENT is examining the skull, while CAM is standing off to the side, clearly still intimidated by the spiders.) HODGINS: The spider eggs were on the body before it was encased in the clay. The heat in the lab caused the eggs to hatch, and when you shone your flashlight, they headed for the light. VINCENT: Based on mandibular dentition, the victim is late-20s, early-30s. CAM: Dr. Hodgins, I can...uh...still see one in his mouth. HODGINS: Yup. (vacuums the skull's mouth) These bad boys are Frontinella communis; they're non-poisonous. CAM: Yeah, still with those gross spider faces and legs, though... HODGINS: This spider's not found in the area where the body was discovered. (CAM begins scratching herself.) VINCENT: Indicating that the victim was probably offed elsewhere. CAM: Any idea how to...uh...remove the body from the sediment? HODGINS: Well, I mean, if we remove the moisture from the clay, then it should just fall away without affecting the bones, at all. I just need four dehumidifiers. (notices CAM scratching) You okay, there, Dr. Saroyan? CAM: Yeah, I'm just...itchy all over. I'm gonna go burn all of these clothes, and maybe my hair. (exits the platform) VINCENT: Some male spiders are known to actually...to pluck their webs like a guitar, to attract the females. HODGINS: Someone should tell them it's drummers that get the girls. (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Founding Fathers -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Founding Fathers' dining room. JARED and PADME DALAJ are sitting at a table across from BOOTH.) PADME: We were in Bangalore visiting the Karnataka Belur Temple, when a pickpocket stole my wallet. Jared climbed onto the roof of a building and tackled the thief. (laughs) JARED: You know all that hero stuff? I learned it from my big brother. That, along with hotwiring a car and stealing cable. PADME: Jared's very proud of you. BOOTH: Yeah... What can I say? You know, it's normal big brother stuff, that's all. I'm amazed how good your English is: it's perfect. PADME: That happens when you grow up in Alexandria, Virginia. I'm third-generation American. BOOTH: Yes, you are. (to JARED) Thank you for setting me up and making me look like an idiot. JARED: Yeah, it's just normal little brother stuff. BOOTH: So, basically, you went all the way to India to meet a girl who lives down the street from you? JARED: Seely thinks every decision I make is wrong. PADME: (pacifying) Like you said, typical big brother. JARED: Yeah. BOOTH: (chuckles) So, what is it you do for a living, Padme? JARED: She's a bank robber. BOOTH: It's a normal question, you know? She's very glamorous; I thought maybe she worked at some glamorous job. PADME: Hardly; I teach grade school. JARED: Seely's got a kid in third grade. His name's Parker. PADME: There's no one named Parker at my school. JARED: She's the kids' favorite teacher, Seely. (kisses PADME) (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. VINCENT is working on the victim's teeth as BRENNAN enters onto the platform.) VINCENT: Phosphate and calcium have leaked from the bones into the clay in several places, making the bones softer and the clay harder. BRENNAN: I see you started with dentition. VINCENT: Interesting juxtaposition: Substandard dental work, but top-of-the-line materials. I thought that might help with identification. BRENNAN: I've seen that before in people who get their treatment for free at a dental school. VINCENT: Suggesting that the victim was poor. BRENNAN: Specious leap, Mr. Nigel-Murray. The hook of the hamate shows wear from torque, rotational force, and repeated tugging... VINCENT: (begins to speak, then thinks better of it) I only have inappropriate comments off the phrase "repeated tugging." BRENNAN: These are occupational markers for many professions, including funeral directors, surgeons, dentists, mechanics... VINCENT: (catching BRENNAN's hint) A dentist would most likely have his dental work done by other students, while in dental school. That would explain the work on his teeth. BRENNAN: Mm-hmm. Next, I'd like theories as to what might have caused the initial damage to the sternum. VINCENT: E-even though it's been severely degraded by demineralization? BRENNAN: Yes. VINCENT: Okay. (BRENNAN begins to leave) I'll have to remove the rest of the clay, first. (quietly, to himself) Oh, I will get you to praise me, Dr. Brennan. I will have you look at me with admiration and astonishment at all-... BRENNAN: I'm sorry, Mr. Nigel-Murray; were you talking to me? VINCENT: No, Dr. Brennan, I was simply... I was running through my...uh...knowledge...of clay. (Cut to: Interior -- BOOTH's car -- daytime. BOOTH is driving BRENNAN to the victim's house.) BRENNAN: You think your brother's girlfriend is hinky? Is that slang for "pretty" or "buxom?" BOOTH: No, it's just slang for "iffy." BRENNAN: Well, "iffy" is already slang. I don't see the need for slang for slang. BOOTH: Okay, look, the point is, there was just a...a hinky vibe between me and her. Look, you know what? I don't expect you to understand, Bones. The victim's dental records confirm his identity. BRENNAN: (takes a file folder from BOOTH and opens) Dan Pinard. BOOTH: Mm-hmm. BRENNAN: Dentist. Lives alone. Are they happy together? BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Jared and Padme; do they seem happy? You've put a high premium on feelings. BOOTH: Don't go twisting this around, Bones. BRENNAN: Well, you used to think that people could find true love. BOOTH: I still do, okay? But, this is Jared, all right? He only just got sober. BRENNAN: Well, if he's sober, he should be able to find love. I don't understand the rules. BOOTH: Ah, there are no rules; there's just life, okay? There's just life. (Cut to: Exterior -- Dan Pinard's house -- daytime. BOOTH and BRENNAN arrive in the truck, pulling in the driveway full of paving stones and construction equipment. They exit the truck and approach the house.) BRENNAN: Big house for a single man. BOOTH: Looks like he's doing some serious remodeling, huh? Door's open. Hold on. (draws his gun as he approaches the front door) (Cut to: Interior -- Dan Pinard's house. BOOTH and BRENNAN enter the front door. There is the sound of a sports program on television emanating from nearby. They pass through the living room and dining room and enter the den, finding LUCAS PICKFORD sitting on the couch.) BOOTH: Hands up. PICKFORD: (stands quickly, hands raised) No, no, no. Okay. Okay, this is not what it looks like; I'm allowed to be here. BOOTH: Who are you? PICKFORD: Uh, Lucas Pickford. My-my Social Security number is three zero eight, one two-... BOOTH: Okay, Mr. Pickford, what are you doing here? PICKFORD: I'm Danny's contractor. I-I live over the garage. He said I could come in any time and use his TV. BRENNAN: (as BOOTH lowers his gun) Danny is dead. PICKFORD: He's dead? That's where he's been? BOOTH: Oh, that's right; he's been dead. PICKFORD: I thought he just...met someone. Danny once took off for three weeks and never said a word. BOOTH: (to BRENNAN) Ah, big-screen TV, cold beer... I mean, it's not a great motive for murder, but I've seen people kill for less. PICKFORD: Why would I kill Danny? He-he owes me money. Like, three grand. You shouldn't be hassling me. You should talk to his ex; they had a bad breakup. BOOTH: Right. What's her name? PICKFORD: Chris. But...she's a him. I mean, it's a...Christopher Chris, not a Christine Chris. He rents a place on Dalgren Road. (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. VINCENT is cleaning the victim's bones with an electric tooth brush as CAM enters onto the platform and approaches.) CAM: There's no faster way to clean the skeleton? VINCENT: Oddly, no. Not in a localized fashion. Dr. Brennan seemed very anxious to get at the sternum. Uh, Dr. Saroyan, not to come across as in any way needy, but...have you ever seen Dr. Brennan, um, compliment or praise one of us interns? CAM: I wouldn't worry about praise, Mr. Nigel-Murray; strive for...mild approval. VINCENT: (nervous chuckle) Then, back to work I go. Heigh-ho, heigh-ho. CAM: Did you...clean the victim's teeth? VINCENT: A small sign of respect for a dentist. CAM: If you want praise, I'd concentrate on the sternum if I were you; something hit him there. Hard. Let's see if we can't figure out what that was and, uh, whether it killed him. VINCENT: Okay. (sighs loudly as CAM exits the platform) (Cut to: Exterior -- Chris Fife's house -- evening. BOOTH and BRENNAN are questioning CHRIS FIFE.) FIFE: I worked two jobs to put Dan through dental school. As soon as his practice was up and running, he dumped me. BOOTH: And since Virginia doesn't recognize gay marriage or civil unions, you weren't entitled to anything when he left you. FIFE: How is that fair? BRENNAN: It's not. I'm sorry to inform you that we have identified some human remains as Daniel Pinard. FIFE: Wait. Uh, Danny's dead? BOOTH: (after BRENNAN nods, answering the question) When was the last time you saw him? FIFE: I haven't heard from him, but... It's got to be a year. (BRENNAN notices a silver arrowhead stuck in the trunk of a tree and moves to investigate.) BOOTH: All right. Were you, uh... (watches BRENNAN walk away) Were you upset when he broke it off with you? FIFE: What? BOOTH: Well, like you said, you...you didn't have any legal options. FIFE: Not upset enough to kill. I moved on. I met someone after a couple months, and bygones are bygones, right? Is that everything now? Because, Danny was a part of my past, and like I said, I've moved on. (BRENNAN takes a glove from her bag and uses it to remove the arrowhead from the tree trunk.) BOOTH: Actually, no. I'd like to ask you, uh, quite a few more questions, if you don't mind. FIFE: I do mind, so, excuse me... BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah. (BRENNAN approaches, holding out the arrowhead) What do you got there? Looks like an arrowhead. Is that yours? FIFE: I'm a bow hunter; whitetail deer. Yeah, I'm gay and I hunt. Get over it. BRENNAN: (pointing to the bow hung in the rear window of FIFE's truck) That bow in his truck would generate sufficient velocity for this arrowhead to cause the trauma on the victim's sternum. BOOTH: Hmm. FIFE: What is she saying? BOOTH: Basically, she's saying you have a choice: Either you come with us willingly and answer my questions or...I arrest you. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 2 (Fade in: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. VINCENT and CAM are on the platform, discussing the victim and cause of death in light of the possible murder weapon found by BRENNAN.) VINCENT: The damage to the sternum is not the cause of death. CAM: So, the ex-boyfriend's off the hook. VINCENT: At a velocity of 82 meters-per-second, a-a hunting arrow would not only pierce the sternum and the heart, but would sever the spinal column. I will point out, uh, however, that the angry ex-boyfriend might still have killed the victim, but either he didn't use a hunting bow or he-he made an amazing shot from the-the absolute, the limit of the bow's range, which-which would be...is...is very far. I sounded very much like Dr. Brennan then, did I not? CAM: Up until the "very far," yes. What did strike our victim in the chest? VINCENT: It could easily have been postmortem. Probably as a result of being tipped into a creek... CAM: So, we don't have cause of death. VINCENT: (suddenly, clapping his hands together) Rhubarb! CAM: Uh...rhubarb...yeah...uh, the victim was killed by rhubarb...? VINCENT: Approximately ten kilos. CAM: All right, I'm usually pretty good with following your jumpy little brain, but you've totally left me in the dust on this one. VINCENT: If you can acquire for me the rhubarb, I can deliver unto you a skeleton free of clay. Rhubarb! CAM: (as she is exiting the platform) Rhubarb, it is. (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Hoover Building -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building hallway. BOOTH and DR. LANCE SWEETS are walking to the Interrogation Room.) BOOTH: Okay, well, you know, our victim wasn't killed by an arrow. SWEETS: Yeah. BOOTH: But hey, you know, the good news: our victim's dental hygienist says that he gave her hepatitis C. SWEETS: The dental hygienist is gay, too? BOOTH: I don't know. I'm going to ask her. SWEETS: Her? Did the victim have heterosexual relations with his hygienist? BOOTH: I don't know. I'm going to ask her. (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building -- Interrogation Room. GRACE BRYSON is sitting at the table as BOOTH enters.) BOOTH: Miss Bryson, I'm Agent Booth. BRYSON: They said Dan is dead? What happened? BOOTH: Well, we were hoping that maybe you would be able to help us with that. BRYSON: Me? BOOTH: Mm-hmm. (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab experiment room. HODGINS and VINCENT are preparing the victim for a soak in rhubarb-infused water.) HODGINS: How did you work this up without me? VINCENT: When I told Dr. Saroyan that the sternum wound was not caused by a hunting arrow, my brain jumped to different types of arrows... (lifts the body with HODGINS up into the container) ...which led me to the image of a giant wasp, which was silly, but which then led me to stinging nettles, which are covered in thousands of tiny little arrows, and on the tip of each tiny little arrow is a drop of oxalic acid, which not only stings, but works very well at dissolving silicates. HODGINS: Silicate causes clay to adhere... VINCENT: ...and rhubarb is full of oxalic acid. HODGINS: Okay. Next time someone says your brain is a jumble of disconnected chaos, you just send them to me. VINCENT: (chuckles) I wi-... (realizes what was said) People say that? HODGINS: You need me to stir? VINCENT: Don't you have lots of spiders to trace? HODGINS: Well, there's over 30 separate breeding grounds within a 200-mile radius of the body site. I'm analyzing the egg sacks to see if I can narrow it down further, but... I've got some time. And this is so cool. (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building interrogation room. BOOTH continues to interrogate BRYSON.) BRYSON: You want to know if I had s*x with Dan? BOOTH: Well, you filed a grievance against him requesting the ADA revoke his license because he gave you hepatitis C. BRYSON: No, we didn't have s*x. Dan nicked me during a procedure. BOOTH: Really? So, he nicked himself and you? What about the patient? BRYSON: It was while preparing a syringe. My husband and I tested positive after that. BOOTH: Who believes that story? Did your husband believe that story? BRYSON: It ha-... It happened. BOOTH: How did you really get hepatitis C? Tell you what, before you answer that question, this here's a report from the ADA saying that Dan never had hepatitis C. BRYSON: I had an affair. I... I got hep C. I just... I needed a way to explain it to my husband. BOOTH: Right, so maybe you killed Dan so your husband wouldn't find out the truth, or your husband did. BRYSON: No. No, neither of those things happened. BOOTH: On the day that Dan Pinard disappeared, he canceled all of his appointments so he could, uh, go see Dr. Hibbert. Only problem is, we can't find this Dr. Hibbert. BRYSON: D-Dr. Hibbert is the name that Dan wrote in his appointment book when he canceled patients at the last minute. BOOTH: Any idea who it might have been that day? BRYSON: I was already fired. BOOTH: Right. (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- the Jeffersonian Institute -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. BOOTH and BRENNAN leave BRENNAN's office together, walking a circuit around the platform.) BRENNAN: You ran a background check on Jared's girlfriend? BOOTH: Well, yeah; you do things like that for people you care about. BRENNAN: Do you do that when I go out with someone? BOOTH: Look, Bones, you're the one who says not to jump to conclusions without all the facts. BRENNAN: But you always say, in matters of the heart-... BOOTH: Ah, the heart is just a muscle. See? I'm learning from you, huh? Anyways, this whole background check came up hinky. BRENNAN: Hinky, how? BOOTH: Four years ago, this woman was an escort. Jared's going to be crushed. BRENNAN: Why? I'm sure she possesses sophisticated sexual skills, and if she's reformed... BOOTH: She's just...reformed. She's a reformed escort. BRENNAN: Well, maybe Jared already knows. BOOTH: No, he doesn't know. BRENNAN: How do you know he doesn't know? BOOTH: Because, if he knew, he wouldn't be talking about getting married. He wouldn't be saying stuff like that. (sighs as BRENNAN walks away from him) (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab experiment room. HODGINS and VINCENT are fishing bones from the rhubarb bath as BRENNAN enters.) HODGINS: Hey. Look what Vincent did; he turned our victim into rhubarb pie. VINCENT: Uh, fractures are evident on at least half a dozen bones, including possible cause of death. (points to the skull) BRENNAN: Hmm. Fracture to the glabellar region on the frontal bone. Head trauma could definitely be cause of death. VINCENT: Tendonitis of the shoulder, broken ribs, knee trauma, and a nick to the ankle. That's all just the right side. HODGINS: Sounds like he was tortured. BRENNAN: He also had Bennett's fracture of the thumb, broken left clavicle, and his knee... HODGINS: You know what? These are all common football injuries. BRENNAN: Some of the injuries are over a decade old, but others show almost no remodeling, which means-... VINCENT: He was still active in the sport. HODGINS: A gay dentist who plays football. BRENNAN: Do the significant looks you are exchanging mean that you doubt a gay man can play football and be a dentist? VINCENT: No. I mean, for me, the answer is no. What I'm thinking is that American football is a bastion of testosterone-fueled masculinity. HODGINS: Maybe one too many lingering glances in the locker room got him in trouble. BRENNAN: What, does that happen often? HODGINS: (as VINCENT chuckles) Yeah. I mean, with me, it happened all the time. VINCENT: If I'd killed everyone who looked at me lustily, I wouldn't have made it out of school. (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Washington, D.C. -- daytime. BOOTH's truck drives past the Capital.) (Cut to: Exterior -- Cardinals' football field -- daytime. COACH JASON HENDLER stands by as the Cardinals run a scrimmage during practice. The quarterback calls the play, and the subsequent sounds of men blocking one another precede BOOTH and BRENNAN's entrance onto the field.) BOOTH: There's only one amateur full-contact league in the DC area, so it wasn't hard to find out which team Dan played for. BRENNAN: Well, they are not unlike mountain rams that butt heads in an attempt to attract a mate. (watches as BOOTH catches a stray football) It's hard to believe that brain damage isn't a result. BOOTH: It's amazing; you can even make football sound bad, Bones. (throws the football offscreen) HENDLER: Come on, ladies... My little sister hits harder than that. Filmore, do you want me to get you a skirt? BRENNAN: He's challenging their masculinity to enhance aggression. BOOTH: That's coach talk; it's the way coaches talk. Let me handle this. Excuse me, Coach, FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. This here is my partner, Dr. Temperance Brennan. Like to ask you a few questions about Dan Pinard. HENDLER: Yeah, well, he better be in prison; that's the only excuse I'll accept for how long he's been gone. BOOTH: We found his body. HENDLER: Oh, my God. BOOTH: I'm sorry, did any of Dan's teammates or opponents have any problems with him? HENDLER: What, he was murdered? (BOOTH nods) No. Oh, no. Uh, all the guys loved Dan. BRENNAN: Is it possible that someone's masculinity was threatened, and that person killed Dan because he was a homosexual? BOOTH: Way to ease into that one, Bones. That's smooth. HENDLER: No, that's definitely not an issue with my guys. BOOTH: What makes your team so highly evolved, Coach? HENDLER: Meet the Cardinals, Agent Booth. We're all gay. (two players collide in front of them) Good hit! [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 3 (Fade in: Exterior -- Cardinals' football field -- daytime. The CARDINALS, which include a player named GREG, and HENDLER are gathered on the sidelines as BOOTH questions them.) BOOTH: So, anybody here have any problems with Dan? Disagreements, arguments, fights? GREG: Everyone here joined this team because a lot of the straight players don't want us on their teams. We're like family. No one here hurt Dan. No way. BOOTH: And you're all...gay? HENDLER: Oh, I suppose, statistically, we could have two or three straights who are still in the closet. (the team chuckles) BRENNAN: (entering from off field) Booth, this is Dan's equipment bag. I found his protective headgear inside. BOOTH: That's a helmet, Bones. BRENNAN: There's blood on the inside of the lip. It approximates the location of the fracture on Dan's forehead. The force could have cracked his skull and killed him. BOOTH: (to HENDLER) Are you sure nothing happened here? One of your guys, they probably could have hit Dan, you know, in practice a little too hard, try to cover it up. HENDLER: What are you saying? BOOTH: I mean, you lose your insurance, you're kicked out of the league. But, hey, it's just an accident, right? (to the CARDINALS) All right, I'll tell you what: Anybody who's got plans for this weekend, just cancel 'em. HENDLER: (as the team grumbles) Because of blood on a football helmet? BOOTH: Because of blood inside of a football helmet. Isn't that right, Bones? BRENNAN: That's correct. (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab -- HODGINS' office. HODGINS is examining the spiders from the clay when VINCENT enters.) VINCENT: I was draining the vat when I noticed these white things floating in the rhubarb stew. Spider eggs, right? HODGINS: No. No, the boiling water would have destroyed the eggs. VINCENT: So what are they? HODGINS: (bring them up on the microscope) I have no idea. VINCENT: Always glad to sow confusion. This man endured a remarkable amount of abuse. It must have been tough. HODGINS: Yeah, this ain't England, pal; being gay in America is still a tough go. VINCENT: I was referring to being a football player. HODGINS: Yeah, I-I knew that. (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- the Jeffersonian Institute -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab bone room. ANGELA MONTENEGRO is conversing with BRENNAN as she reexamines the victim's skeleton.) ANGELA: Four years ago Jared's girlfriend was a hooker? BRENNAN: Well, an escort. I believe, in the hierarchy of prostitution, an escort ranks equal to high-class call girl. ANGELA: And now she teaches grade school? BRENNAN: Mm-hmm. I don't see any other injuries to the bone that could be cause of death. That leads us back to the head trauma. Apparently the rule is: once a s*x worker, always a s*x worker. ANGELA: You know, it really would have been better if Booth never ran her record. BRENNAN: He said it was my influence, that it was the rational thing to do. ANGELA: No, sweetie; he's rationalizing, which makes what he did irrational because he's rationalizing that Jared cannot make rational decisions for himself. You do the same thing all the time. Maybe that's what he learned from you. BRENNAN: In order to be fatal, whatever struck the frontal bone had to be pointed enough to pierce the brain. ANGELA: Now, wait a second... Is Booth going to tell Jared about this? BRENNAN: I believe that's his plan. ANGELA: What if Jared and this woman are really in love? Booth could ruin everything. BRENNAN: Well, not if, as Booth always asserts, love conquers all. ANGELA: Yeah, well, this is going to be one hell of a test case. CAM: (entering) I ran blood tests on the items in Dan's athletic bag. I found evidence of someone else's blood. (pulls up the report on one of the computer screens) BRENNAN: Football is a contact sport; there are bound to be traces of other people's DNA on his uniform. CAM: This was more than a trace, and it wasn't on his uniform; it was all over his towel. We ran it through CODIS and got a match. (shows CYD ZIGLER's CODIS entry on the screen) 32-year-old man named Cyd Zigler. (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building -- Break Room. BOOTH is sharing the new suspect's file with SWEETS as he makes himself a cup of coffee.) BOOTH: Zigler is a firefighter and a former Marine. He lives in Greenbelt, Maryland. He plays for one of, uh, the other teams in Dan's league. SWEETS: One of the straight teams? BOOTH: Yeah, there's a big game. Zigler fumbles, uh, the victim recovers, scores a touchdown, game over. SWEETS: Well, I doubt even a homophobe would kill for that. BOOTH: Yeah, but a fight ensues. SWEETS: Oh, so they fought? If Dan won a physical altercation, uh, in front of both teams, then there-there's a certain personality type that might feel impugned enough to strike back. BOOTH: Go on. SWEETS: (following BOOTH out of the break room toward his office) Gay guy beats up a certain type of straight guy, straight guy can't handle it. BOOTH: Well, see, th-that's what I wanted to know. SWEETS: Now, did the victim and Zigler have any contact since their fistfight? BOOTH: Well, the two of 'em, they played against each other in a game the weekend before Dan disappeared. SWEETS: Okay. BOOTH: (finds JARED waiting for him in his office) Jared. JARED: Hey, Seeley, your message sounded urgent. What's going on? BOOTH: Uh... (whispered to SWEETS as he closes the door) Thanks for the gay insights. SWEETS: (as he leaves) You're welcome. (BOOTH turns and sighs.) JARED: Oh... You got that big brother look all over your face, like the time you had to tell me the puppy I brought home was a rat. BOOTH: (chuckles) Uh, well, um, that sort of happened again. JARED: Okay, what the hell are you talking about? BOOTH: There are some things that you need to know about Padme. JARED: You ran a background check on my girlfriend? BOOTH: What, no, she was arrested for prostitution four years ago. JARED: Shut up, Seeley, shut up. BOOTH: The charges, they didn't stick, but you need to know that she was an escort. JARED: You just can't stand to see me happy, can you? BOOTH: No, that's not true. If I were in your shoes, I'd want to know if my girlfriend was hiding something. JARED: No, you wouldn't. Okay, I have watched you for years. I learned. You would make your own judgment. You wouldn't care what other people said. You'd say exactly what I'm gonna say: Go to hell. (exits the office) (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Hoover Building -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building -- Interrogation Room. ZIGLER is sitting at the table, being questioned by BOOTH.) ZIGLER: Look, I called him a fag, the dude kicked my ass. End of story. BOOTH: You got a problem with gays? ZIGLER: No, that was over a year ago. Look, what's this all about? BOOTH: I'm trying to put together a sequence of events before Dan Pinard disappeared. ZIGLER: Disappeared? Wh-What do you mean "disappeared?" BOOTH: We, uh, found your blood on his towel. ZIGLER: I-I cut myself during a game, a big gash on my leg. Danny used his towel to stop the bleeding. What do you mean "disappeared?" BOOTH: He came up to you in the locker room and he presses that towel on your leg? ZIGLER: I thought... I thought it was only me. I thought Danny didn't want to see me anymore. And, I-I called him, I...I went by his place a hundred times. Nothing. BOOTH: Hmm. Why do you think he didn't want to see you again? ZIGLER: 'Cause, I mean, Danny had it all figured...who he was. I wasn't ready. BOOTH: To come out of the closet? ZIGLER: For any of it. And, that made Danny mad sometimes, you know? Frustrated. Is Danny dead? (BOOTH nods) You, uh, you think I killed him. (takes a picture of himself and the victim out of his wallet and shows BOOTH) Danny was, uh... The only time I've ever been happy was with Danny. I wouldn't expect you to understand. I don't guess anyone would understand. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 4 (Fade in: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. HODGINS and VINCENT are in the bone room examining the victim's remain, still searching for the cause of death.) HODGINS: Looks like cause of death to me. VINCENT: Cause of death, yes, yes, but I cannot discern the cause of the cause of death, so to speak. HODGINS: Okay, bugs and slime, pal. Different discipline entirely, sorry. VINCENT: (addressing the magnified image of the victim's skull on the computer screen) There appear to be three separate fractures on the skull. We-We couldn't see them before because all of the fracture lines connect. HODGINS: Okay, so the victim was hit three times instead of once. VINCENT: Dr. Brennan thinks that the brain was pierced when the skull was hit. HODGINS: Brain piercing? Yeah, sounds very death-causing to me. VINCENT: The beveling on the exterior of the skull suggests that all three fracture points emanate from inside the skull. His forehead exploded from the inside out. HODGINS: Again, very deathy. Wait a minute. Wh-What would cause someone's forehead to explode from the inside? VINCENT: I was hoping that you'd say it had something to do with those bulbous seedy jobbers that I thought were spider eggs. HODGINS: No. I mean... Oh. Wow. (exits quickly) VINCENT: Wow? What wow? (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building. BOOTH, BRENNAN, and SWEETS are eating lunch and discussing the case in the Conference Room.) BOOTH: So, Zigler was a Marine. He gets married to a woman, it lasts six years. Why? BRENNAN: Why did his marriage last six years? BOOTH: No, why did he get married? SWEETS: Well, most likely Zigler was trying to conform to social norms. BRENNAN: In many cultures, homosexuality is revered. Anthropologically, it makes no sense for heterosexuals to be threatened by homosexuals because they are actually removing themselves from competition for mates. BOOTH: Right, so Zigler forces himself to conform, and the dentist comes along and forces, you know, Zigler to confront... SWEETS: Zigler couldn't come to terms with his sexual orientation, so when the victim elicited this flood of unwanted feelings in him, he transferred the self-loathing from himself to the victim. BRENNAN: Native Americans believed that homosexuals were of two spirits, held them in high esteem. So what's the problem? BOOTH: It's no problem. Why are you looking at me like that? I was a soldier. I mean, gay guys...they saved my life in battle more than once. BRENNAN: So, are you saying that if a former prostitute saved your life in battle, that would solve the problem with Jared's girlfriend? SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Seriously, you're going to bring that up in front of Sweets right now? BRENNAN: It's a rational question. SWEETS: I'm sorry... Jared's involved with a prostitute? BRENNAN: Former. Former prostitute. BOOTH: Bones. BRENNAN: What? SWEETS: Oh, did you run a background check on Jared's girlfriend? BOOTH: Okay, why is everybody saying that to me like it's some sort of terrible thing? SWEETS: 'Cause it's kind of terrible. BOOTH: Look, I'm just looking out for my brother, that's all. So, can we just, you know, focus on the case? SWEETS: Yeah... Uh, well, the fact that the suspect carries in his wallet a photo of them together...it doesn't really jibe with homosexual panic. BOOTH: Great, thanks, that's all I need to know. I got enough. Thanks, appreciate it, Sweets. (exits) SWEETS: (to BRENNAN) Wow, that was-... BRENNAN: I have to go, too. (exits) SWEETS: Thank you, Dr. Sweets, for your invaluable psychological insights into the human condition. (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab -- ANGELA's office. BRENNAN enters to find HODGINS, ANGELA, and VINCENT present.) HODGINS: Do you know what Vincent Nigel-Murray is? He's a genius. BRENNAN: Yes, but, so are we all. Except for Angela. ANGELA: Oh, right. And yet, who do you turn to when you need pretty pictures? VINCENT: Dr. Hodgins figured out what caused the fracture to the frontal bone. HODGINS: Vincent found these small particulates floating in the rhubarb stew, right? Well, I identified them as silica phytolith, which is a...a razor-thin, clear, hard shell which protects seeds. ANGELA: Now, the victim was tossed into the creek bed where his body quickly decomposed. HODGINS: (as ANGELA queues up the simulation on the Angelator) Flooding from the rain washed the clay and debris into that creek bed, which encased the body. Now, in all that muck, three periwinkle seeds became embedded within the victim's skull. BRENNAN: Okay. HODGINS: It's called floral turbation. Over time, soft can become even harder than hard, like, uh, a sliver of grass that grows through cement. VINCENT: The same kind of process that causes tree roots to destroy pipes. BRENNAN: So a seedling fractured the frontal bone? ANGELA: Three of them. BRENNAN: So...head trauma was not cause of death. (as she exits) We have no cause of death. VINCENT: Did she seem disappointed to anyone else? She definitely seemed disappointed to me. (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. Musical montage of BRENNAN in the bone room examining the skeleton meticulously one last time to try to find a cause of death. VINCENT walks past and tries to catch her attention in an effort to offer his assistance, but is ignored. He walks away just before BRENNAN appears to have found the cause of death.) (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab -- HODGINS' office. HODGINS and VINCENT are going over evidence.) HODGINS: The pollen from the egg sack is from hickory pine trees, but they don't grow where the body was found. VINCENT: She didn't even want me to help her examine the bones. HODGINS: Okay, you're not listening to me. VINCENT: Yes, the, um...the-the keening shriek of intern anxiety is interfering with my hearing. BRENNAN: (entering) There is a slice on the medial malleolus. VINCENT: Yes, uh, duly noted in my report. BRENNAN: But you didn't note what that might mean. VINCENT: I would, uh, most definitely have done so, if-if I had the slightest inkling of what it might mean. BRENNAN: Whatever caused the nick on this bone must have cut the posterior tibial artery. VINCENT: Oh, yes. Tissue. Um, posterior tibial artery wou-... Massive bleeding. HODGINS: Dude, you should totally just toss culpability onto Cam. BRENNAN: I need to know if the weapon that caused this left any trace in the bone. HODGINS: Well, Vincent's rhubarb stew completely washed away all the surface particulates. (to VINCENT) See how that's done? VINCENT: We can sand down the top layer of bones cells and analyze what lies beneath. BRENNAN: (handing the bone to VINCENT before leaving) Thank you. (HODGINS holds up a rotary saw. It turns on as VINCENT reaches for it, and VINCENT pulls his hand away.) HODGINS: (turning the saw off as he hands it to VINCENT) My bad. (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab -- BRENNAN's office. CAM enters to find BRENNAN at her desk, working on her laptop.) CAM: You can't blame Mr. Nigel-Murray; the nick was on the bone, but I should've realized the implications for the flesh, and I didn't. BRENNAN: I agree. CAM: Then why are you letting him worry that he's disappointing you? BRENNAN: Mr. Nigel-Murray should be aware by now that I don't hold others to my level of expertise. Otherwise I'd have no one to help me. CAM: How would he know that if you don't tell him? HODGINS: (entering with VINCENT) Tungsten carbide, which is a compound used to coat various types of tools. VINCENT: Including dental tools. BRENNAN: (after a reaffirming nod from CAM) I distinctly remember saying to you once, "Good job, Mr. Nigel-Murray." I'm saying it again now. VINCENT: Cheers. Brilliant, that. BRENNAN: One of the suspects was Dan's dental hygienist... CAM: Grace Bryson. BRENNAN: Mm-hmm. HODGINS: Hey, where does she live? BRENNAN: Fairfax, Virginia. HODGINS: Okay, the pollen I found in the sheet weaver spider's egg sack came from hickory pine trees. They don't grow where the body was found, but you can find them all over that part of Virginia. CAM: Motive, theoretical weapon, spiders... That should be enough for an arrest. (Fade in: Exterior establishing shot -- daytime. BOOTH's truck is traveling down a D.C. area street.) (Cut to: Interior -- BOOTH's truck. BOOTH is driving BRENNAN and himself to BRYSON's house.) BOOTH: So, according to Grace Bryson's statement, she and her husband were at a yoga retreat when Dan Pinard disappeared. BRENNAN: Well, the retreat was in Silver Spring; that's close enough to drive back, kill Dan and then return to the spa. BOOTH: Right. It could be both her and her husband. BRENNAN: Hmm. When your gut speaks to you, do you think it could be an increase in stomach acid, due to anxiety? BOOTH: Huh? BRENNAN: I-I...feel some anxiety. BOOTH: Okay, about what? BRENNAN: About your sudden abandonment of a belief system. Really, it's-it's making my stomach upset. BOOTH: Okay, you know what? You are really just, um...crack a window there, Bones, all right. Just get some air. BRENNAN: You told me that my father's criminal past didn't matter, that the love between us was real and that was all that mattered. Because I believed you, my father and I have a relationship today. BOOTH: Okay. I'm glad I could help out. BRENNAN: But, I'm anxious because I can't see any meaningful difference between my father and your brother's girlfriend. Can you explain that to me? It's a question of logic, so I'm just going to be quiet now while you work your way through it. (Cut: Exterior establishing shot -- daytime. BOOTH's truck travels down a D.C. street.) (Cut to: Exterior -- BRYSON's house -- daytime. BRYSON is raking leaves as BOOTH and BRENNAN question her about her alibi.) BRYSON: I already told you where I was: at the yoga retreat. BOOTH: Yeah, we know that. But you would have had more than enough time to, uh, leave the retreat and return. BRYSON: Well, I didn't, so, can you leave me alone? BOOTH: After Dan fired you, you couldn't find a job, could you? BRYSON: Well, that wasn't Dan's fault; that was the hepatitis. BRENNAN: Ms. Bryson, do you own a set of dental tools? BRYSON: Well, I had to buy a set when I was in school. Why? BOOTH: Can we see 'em? BRYSON: (sighs) No. Not without a warrant. (picks up a bag of leaves and walks toward the house, to a trashcan in the driveway) BRENNAN: When did you put in this driveway? BRYSON: Excuse me? BRENNAN: When were these paving stones laid? BRYSON: A few months ago. Is there something illegal now about doing home improvements? BOOTH: What's going on, Bones? BRENNAN: Look at the stones. BOOTH: Well, you know these stones look just like the ones that were at Dan's house. BRYSON: It's the same contractor: Lucas. I met him at Dan's office, before I was fired. Well, he said he had some extra materials left over from Dan's job and he could give me a good deal. BOOTH: That's a scam; Lucas was reselling the supplies that Dan had already paid for. BRYSON: Well, I didn't know that. BRENNAN: Was Lucas working on the driveway when you were at the yoga retreat? BRYSON: Yeah. He was finished by the time we got back. It was the fastest he ever finished anything. BRENNAN: We need to dig these up. BOOTH: Backhoe and a cement cutter. (Cut to: Interior -- Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. CAM is in the autopsy room working on a computer when BRENNAN enters.) CAM: The bottom of the paving stones are covered in blood. All the samples I've taken are a match for the victim. BRENNAN: He bled out on the ground, then it was paved over. VINCENT: (entering with HODGINS) Behold, Lucas Pickford's grout scraper. He used it for installing the paving stones. HODGINS: Coated in tungsten carbide. CAM: Please tell me it's a match. VINCENT: I-It is, in fact, a perfect match for the injury to the victim's ankle. (noticing BRENNAN's smile) Yeah? Cheers. Brilliant. HODGINS: Hmm? No, she didn't say anything. BRENNAN: I-I discerned a lovely...a little glint of approbation in her eye. (exits, followed by HODGINS) (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Hoover Building -- daytime.) (Cut to: Interior -- Hoover Building -- Interrogation Room. PICKFORD is sitting at the table across from BOOTH and BRENNAN.) PICKFORD: I-I admit it: We had an argument. BRENNAN: About the paving stones? PICKFORD: Yeah. BOOTH: Did you call him something? BRENNAN: A vulgar slur for "homosexual?" PICKFORD: In the heat of the moment, maybe. I mean, but you should've heard what he was calling me. Dan knocked me down and he started kicking me. So I grabbed the-the scraper, and swung it at him to get him off me. BOOTH: Self-defense. PICKFORD: Yeah. Yeah, that's it. I-I'll admit it. It was self-defense. BOOTH: Yeah, except, um, you didn't call 911. BRENNAN: No. You just watched him bleed to death, and then you dumped his body in a ditch. PICKFORD: If he charged me with theft, I lose my contractor's license, my whole livelihood, for what? A few dozen paving stones? The guy attacked me for a few dozen paving stones. BOOTH: You robbed him, you lied about it, and you called him a "fag." To him, that was a big deal. [SCENE_BREAK] TAG (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Jefferson Memorial -- evening.) (Cut to: Exterior establishing shot -- Founding Fathers.) (Cut to: Interior -- Founding Fathers bar area. BOOTH and BRENNAN are sitting at a table near the bar.) BRENNAN: I'm sure Jared wants to talk to you alone, Booth. BOOTH: No, he asked for you to be here. BRENNAN: I really don't want to be in the middle of a fight. BOOTH: I'm not going to fight. There's going to be no fighting, I promise, all right? So, you really think I was wrong? BRENNAN: I don't know if you were wrong, but I fail to see the point of being right. BOOTH: Okay. I've really been thinking about what you said. What if I ruined it for him? What if he was really happy with her? BRENNAN: I imagine you would never forgive yourself. BOOTH: Thanks. BRENNAN: Well, on the bright side, he might totally ignore you. BOOTH: Great, thank you. BRENNAN: Well, perhaps Jared will think for himself. Isn't that all you've ever really wanted for him? BOOTH: Well-... JARED: (entering with PADME) Hey, sorry we're late. Padme, this is Temperance Brennan. PADME: Hi. JARED: This is my, uh, brother's partner-slash-friend. BRENNAN: Nice to meet you. PADME: Pleasure. JARED: So...here we are. BOOTH: Think we can talk outside, privately? JARED: No. Whatever you want to say, you can say to both of us. See, we don't have secrets, Seeley. Never did. About anything. BRENNAN: I suspect Jared is implying that he already knew about Padme's past as an escort. BOOTH: Great, thanks, Bones. I got that. PADME: Jared and I have come to grips with...everything. JARED: Yeah. So, the question is: Are you in or are you out? BOOTH: I'm in. JARED: That's good, 'cause, uh, I really wanted to know if you'd be my best man. BOOTH: Wow. Uh...so soon. It's only been, what, a month? JARED: Ow. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Oh. JARED: Temperance, she kicked me under the table. Pretty sure she was aiming for you. BOOTH: Definitely meant for me. PADME: Well, if that's true, I like her. BRENNAN: (standing) I'd like to make a toast. JARED: What is this? BOOTH: It's her new thing. She likes to make--... She's really good at making toasts, though. M-Maybe we should get some champagne, though. BRENNAN: No, Jared is an alcoholic, Booth. JARED: No secrets. BRENNAN: When Booth and I first met, I didn't believe that such a thing as love existed. I maintained that it was simply brain chemistry. But, perhaps Booth is correct; perhaps love comes first, and then creates the reaction. I have no tangible proof, but...I'm willing to accept Booth's premise. BOOTH: To love. JARED: To love. PADME: To love. BRENNAN: To love. (They all clink glasses. JARED whispers "To love" again to PADME before kissing her, as BOOTH says something undecipherable to BRENNAN. Fade to credits.) END.

When a human skeleton is discovered in the trenches of an old Civil War battleground, Brennan and Booth are called to the case. Despite the historical location, Brennan quickly identifies the bones as belonging to Dan Pinard, a present-day local dentist. While Booth investigates suspects, including the victim's former boyfriend, Hodgins and lab intern Vincent Nigel-Murray work doggedly to clean the bones of a stubborn clay residue which is preventing the team from determining a cause of death. Meanwhile, Booth's brother, Jared, returns from his travels with some suprising news.

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fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x10_0

Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Clarify something for me. Isn't the point of a communal meal the exchange of ideas and opinions? An opportunity to consider important issues of the day? Leonard: It is. You just kind of put a damper on things when you said, the next person I see talking with food in their mouth will be put to death. Sheldon: Well, we could argue about who said what all night long, but to set things back on course, I will propose a new topic of conversation. Leonard: Great. Sheldon: What is the best number? By the way, there's only one correct answer. Raj: Five million, three hundred eighteen thousand and eight? Sheldon: Wrong. The best number is 73. You're probably wondering why. Leonard: No. Howard: Uh-uh. Raj: We're good. Sheldon: 73 is the 21st prime number. Its mirror, 37, is the 12th, and its mirror, 21, is the product of multiplying, hang on to your hats, seven and three. Eh? Eh? Did I lie? Leonard: We get it. 73 is the Chuck Norris of numbers. Sheldon: Chuck Norris wishes. In binary, 73 is a palindrome, one-zero-zero-one-zero-zero-one which backwards is one-zero-zero-one-zero-zero-one, exactly the same. All Chuck Norris backwards gets you is Sirron Kcuhc. Raj: Just for the record, when you enter five million three hundred eighteen thousand and eight in a calculator, upside-down it spells boobies. Leonard: Remember when you were wondering why the girls didn't want to eat with us tonight? Howard: Yeah, I get it now. Scene: A bar. Penny: I love your little heart locket, Bernadette. Bernadette: Oh, thanks. Howard gave it to me. It's the cutest thing. Every time I have dinner with his mom, the next day I get jewellery. Amy: Did you know that the iconic Valentine's heart shape is not actually based on the shape of a human heart, but rather on the shape of the buttocks of a female bending over? Penny: Oh, so I spent seventh grade dotting my I's with little asses? Cool. Zack: Hey, Penny, how's it going? Penny: Hey, Zack, what are you doing here? Zack: My dad's company prints the menus for this place. I'm just dropping off some new ones laminated. Makes 'em easier to clean if people throw up on 'em. Guess how I got the idea? Penny: Yeah, I got it, I got it. Uh, Zack, these are my friends Bernadette and Amy. Bernadette: Hi. Zack: Hey. Amy: Hoo. Zack: Okay, well, it was good to see you. Penny: Yeah, you, too. Bernadette: He's really cute. How do you know him? Penny: Oh, we went out a couple of times. Amy: I'm often flummoxed by current slang. Does went out mean had intercourse? Bernadette: Yes. Penny: No, no. But in this case, yes. Amy: Interesting. And was it not satisfactory? Penny: No, it was great. He just didn't really challenge me on an intellectual level. Bernadette: Couldn't you just fool around with him and then listen to NPR? Penny: Wouldn't help. Zack can't even spell NPR. Bernadette: It's what I do with Howard. I'm much smarter than he is. But it's important to protect his manhood. Amy: Hoo. Bernadette: What's the matter? Amy: I'm suddenly feeling flushed. My heart rate is elevated, my palms are clammy, my mouth is dry. In addition, I keep involuntarily saying hoo. Penny: Oh, we know what's causing that, don't we? Amy: It's no mystery. I obviously have the flu coupled with sudden-onset Tourette's syndrome. Credits sequence. Scene: The university cafeteria. Howard: Did you hear about the accident at the bio lab? Leonard: No. What happened? Howard: They were injecting rats with radioactive isotopes and one of the techs got bit. Raj: Did he get superpowers? Howard: No, he got five stitches and a tetanus shot. Raj: Oh. Well, that's disappointing. Howard: Why? Raj: Well, you get bit by a radioactive animal in a lab, you kind of want to turn into a superhero. Howard: Yeah, but who'd want to become Rat-Man? Raj: Who wouldn't? You could zip through a maze in nothing flat, squeeze through really small holes, and shut down restaurants in a single bound. And the best part is, if I were Rat-Man, you could be my sidekick, Mouse Boy. Howard: Mouse Boy? Raj: You don't like Mouse Boy? How about, uh, uh, Kid Vermin? Howard: First of all, if we had superpowers, I wouldn't be the sidekick. You'd be the sidekick. Raj: Rat-Man is nobody's sidekick. Howard: Leonard, settle this. Of the two of us, who's the obvious sidekick? Raj: Yeah, Leonard, who? Leonard: 12 years after high school, and I'm still at the nerd table. Scene: Amy's lab. Sheldon: Aren't you slicing that man's brain a little too thin? Amy: It's too thin if I were making a foot-long brain sandwich at Quiznos. For examination under a two-photon microscope, it's fine. Sheldon: Well, you're the expert. If the correct way to do it is the wrong way, then I yield. Amy: Very well. If you die and donate your body to science, I promise to slice your brain like Canadian bacon. Sheldon: Thank you. Amy: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take my temperature. Sheldon: Are you monitoring your circadian rhythms in order to identify your periods of maximum mental acuity? I did that one summer. Ah, youth. Amy: No, I experienced some distressing symptoms last night, so I'm checking my vital signs every hour. Sheldon: I'd be happy to create a chart and participate in a differential diagnosis. Amy: Oh, that sounds like fun. Sheldon: All right. What were the symptoms? Amy: Elevated heart rate, moist palms, dry mouth and localized vascular throbbing. Sheldon: Localized to what region? Amy: Ears and genitalia. Sheldon: Interesting. Not body parts that usually team up. What about environmental factors? Describe the scene for me. Amy: I was sitting in a restaurant with Penny and Bernadette, drinking water, carbonated as it was a special occasion. Penny's friend Zack stopped by and said hello and I said hoo. Sheldon: Who? Amy: Zack. Sheldon: Then why did you ask? Amy: Ask what? Sheldon: Who. Amy: Zack. Sheldon: All right, let's start over. What did you say when Zack walked in? Amy: Hoo. Sheldon: Zack. Amy: Why do you keep saying Zack? Sheldon: Because you keep saying who. Amy: I'm not saying hoo now. I said hoo last night. Sheldon: And the answer was Zack, correct? Amy: There was no question. I simply said hoo. Sheldon: All right, I think I have enough to go on. Possible explanations for your symptoms are, in descending order of likelihood, hyperthyroidism, premature menopause, hosting an alien parasite or, and I only include it for the sake of covering absolutely all bases, sexual arousal. Amy: Where would I have picked up an alien parasite? Scene: The cafeteria. Howard: There you are. Raj: Oh, hey. Howard: Let me ask you a question. What are you most afraid of? Raj: I don't know. Um, nuclear war. Accidentally being buried alive. Any of those movies where you get that phone call that says you're going to die, and then you do. Howard: No. Something very specific that we both know you, Rajesh Koothrappali, are terrified of. Raj: Well, type two diabetes runs in my family. The thought of losing a toe... Howard: Spiders! You're afraid of spiders! Raj: What the heck is this? Howard: A jar with a big spider in it, of course. Bravery test. First one to take his hand out is the sidekick. Raj: Are you crazy? Howard: Perhaps. Are you scared? Raj: No. But it's a stupid test. Howard: Oh, really? What if the earth was in danger and the only way to save it was to stick your hand in a jar with a spider? Raj: Oh, yeah? What if the earth was in danger and the only way to save it was to take a shower in the locker room and let other guys see you naked? Howard: Oh, come on. That's never gonna happen. Now put your hand in the jar or forever be revealed as my sidekick. Raj: All right, I will. Howard: How did you get so brave all of a sudden? Raj: It's easy. The spider's crawling up your arm. Howard: Get it off! Get it off! Please, Raj! Ah! Ah! Ah! Please. Oh! Scene: Amy's lab. Amy: My blood work shows thyroid function normal. Cortisol levels normal. Sheldon: How about your follicle-stimulating hormone levels? Amy: Sheldon, I am not going through menopause. Sheldon: Are you sure? You said that with the testy bark of an old biddy. Amy: I think we need to face the cold, hard truth, I was sexually aroused by Penny's friend Zack. Sheldon: Hang on. I don't know that we've given the alien parasite hypothesis a fair shake. Amy: Let's look at this logically. I have a stomach, I get hungry. I have genitals, I have the potential for sexual arousal. Sheldon: A cross we all must bear. You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself. Amy: Religion? Sheldon: Star Trek. Did you see Star Trek: The Motion Picture? Amy: No. Sheldon: Don't. It's terrible. However, in it, we learn that when Spock finds himself drawn off the path of logic by feelings bubbling up from his human half, he suppresses them using the Vulcan mental discipline of Kolinar. Amy: Are you suggesting we live our lives guided by the philosophies found in cheap science fiction? Sheldon: Cheap science fiction? Amy: What are you doing? Sheldon: Using Kolinar to suppress my anger at that last comment. Amy: Is it possible that your concern for me at this moment is motivated by nothing more than simple jealousy? Sheldon: I hadn't considered that. Give me a moment. All right, I've considered it. Amy: And? Sheldon: I reject it. Amy: You reject it because you don't feel jealousy, or because you are suppressing jealousy? Sheldon: I think I'll eat my lunch at home. Amy: That's not your lunch, Sheldon, those are the cadaver brain specimens. Sheldon: Oh. As they were incorrectly sliced, you can see how I could mistake them for my sashimi. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The laundry room. Sheldon: Hello. Penny: Hey. Isn't tomorrow your usual laundry night? Sheldon: The supermarket was out of my regular fabric softener. If this one under or over-softens, I'll need time to make things right. Penny: That's thinking ahead. Sheldon: The alternative would be to think backwards. And that's just remembering. Penny: So how's Amy? Sheldon: Amy's changed. I might have to let her go. Penny: Oh, no. Why? Sheldon: I thought she was a highly evolved creature of pure intellect, like me. But recent events indicate that she may be a slave to her baser urges. Like you. Penny: Just going to skip over that insult. Sheldon: What insult? Penny: Yeah. That's why I'm going to skip over it. Are you saying that Amy is, oh, what's the scientific word? Sheldon: Forget science. She's horny. Penny: Oh! Okay. Wow. Sheldon: It's simple biology. There's nothing I can do about it. Penny: Are you sure? Sheldon: What are you suggesting? Penny: I'm suggesting there might be something you could do about Amy's urges? Sheldon: It's illegal to spay a human being. Penny: Yeah. That's not what I had in mind. Sheldon: Oh. Oh! You mean something I could do. Penny: Exactly. Sheldon: Well, I was hoping to avoid this. But I might as well get it over with. Thank you, Penny. I'll let you know what happens. Penny: Oh, Amy, you lucky girl. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is on the phone. Sheldon: Yes. This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Is this the Zack Johnson who used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny? Sorry to bother you. Hello. I'm looking for a Zack Johnson who used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny. Coitus. It means intercourse. And I have a feeling I'm speaking to the right Zack. This is Sheldon Cooper. Fine. Shelly. Yes, that does sound like a girl's name. No, it doesn't bother me. Yes, Smelly Shelly does bother me. Let me tell you why I'm calling. I'd like to know if you'd be interested in having s*x with Amy Farrah Fowler. Amy Farrah Fowler. Yes, that is a girl's name. Good grief. It's like trying to talk to a dolphin. Scene: A gymnasium. Leonard: Really? This is going to decide who's the hero and who's the sidekick? Howard: You got a better idea? Leonard: Every idea is better than this idea. Howard: Ding! Raj: Wait. What the hell is ding? Howard: It's a bell. Raj: I don't think this kind of wrestling has a bell. Howard: Fine. How do you want to start? Raj: I say, uh, how about one, two, three, go? Howard: One-two-three-go? That's for babies. Raj: Okay, how about, uh, on your mark, get set, go? Howard: That's for a footrace. If you want to race, we have to go outside. Raj: No, it's chilly outside. Didn't bring my jacket. Howard: Oh, for crying out loud. What kind of superhero needs a jacket? Raj: What kind of superhero says dibs on the red tights, dibs on the red tights. Howard: All right, how about this? Ready, wrestle. Raj: Wait. Are we starting now? Or is that what you're going to say when we do start, or... Howard: We're starting now! Raj: Don't yell at me! Leonard: Suppose there are worse ways to spend a Friday night. None come to mind. Scene: A bar. Sheldon: Look at this stamp. On what authority are they permitted to mutilate patrons as they enter? Amy: I'm sure it'll wash off. Sheldon: Little comfort tonight. I look like a Hell's Angel. Amy: There's Zack. Sheldon: Are you sure this is what you want to do? Amy: It's not what I want to do, it's what I have to do. Sheldon: Go, Amy Farrah Fowler. Follow your endocrine system. Amy: Thank you, Sheldon. You're a good friend. Sheldon: Please don't drag this out. This is never going to come off. Amy: Excuse me? Zack? I am Amy Farrah Fowler. We met the other night. I have spent my life in pursuit of pure knowledge. Until I met you, my decisions were founded in logic and reason. And yet here I stand before you, 130 pounds of raging estrogen, longing to grab hold of your gluteus maximus and make Shakespeare's metaphorical beast with two backs. Zack: My gluteus what? Amy: On the other hand, as I look at the blank, ape-like expression on your face, I have decided to adopt the Vulcan practice of Kolinar. Good-bye, Zack. Zack: Bye. Hoo. That should hold me for a while. Scene: The gymnasium. Howard: I'm legally obligated to inform you that I took a karate lesson when I was 11. I'd be a regular ninja by now if my mom could've arranged a carpool. Raj: Oh, yeah? Well, I've been taking Pilates class at the rec center, and my abs look like sections of a Hershey bar. Howard: Oh, yeah? Won't matter, you're going down! Raj: No, uh-uh, you're going down! Howard: If anybody's going to go down, it's going to be you. Leonard: Fellas. It's been 30 minutes. Nobody's touched each other. Scene: A street. Sheldon: I'm glad you decided to reject your animal hindbrain and return to the realm of pure intellect. Amy: As am I. (Holds Sheldon's hand) Sheldon: What are you doing? Amy: An experiment. Nope. Nothing. Never mind. Scene: The gymnasium. Raj: You realize you can't win. Howard: I prefer to think that I can't lose. Raj: You're wrong. It's only a matter of time before you fall into Rat-Man's rat trap. Howard: You pathetic fool! If there were a rat-catcher, wouldn't it catch Rat-Man? Raj: Just because I didn't express myself well doesn't mean my underlying point was invalid! You bloviating buffoon! Howard: You narcissistic nincompoop! Raj: You crimson coward! Oh, Leonard, wake up, you're missing some very excellent superhero quips.

Amy meets Penny's ex-boyfriend Zack and experiences sexual arousal. She later discusses her symptoms with Sheldon, though Sheldon prefers to assume that Amy has contracted an alien parasite. Later, when Sheldon discusses Amy's situation with Penny, she tells him that there is "something" he could do about Amy's "urges", meaning that he should have coitus with Amy, but Sheldon assumes that she meant Amy and Zack should have coitus. He arranges for them to meet again, but Amy discovers that Zack is not very intelligent, solving the problem. Meanwhile, Howard and Raj argue about, if they both acquired superpowers, which of them would be the sidekick. They try to settle the issue in a wrestling match refereed by Leonard, but they merely circle around threatening each other.

fd_Doctor_Who_05x06

fd_Doctor_Who_05x06_0

INT, PALAZZO, THRONE ROOM Venice 1580. An elegant woman of the nobility sits on her throne like a queen. A young man, also dressed as a noble, stands behind her. A man, GUIDO, and young woman, ISABELLA, are brought in front of her for an audience. The man bows as the woman curtseys. GUIDO: Signora, your school offers a chance for betterment, escape. My daughter... (nervously removes cap) Isabella is 17 now, but what prospects are there for the daughter of a boat-builder? There's no future for us. No future but you. SIGNORA: I am moved by your concern for your daughter. I believe protecting the future of one's own is a sacred duty. GUIDO: Signora... (takes Isabella's hand) she is my world. SIGNORA: Then we will take your world. ISABELLA and GUIDO laugh in relief as they hug each other. GUIDO: I knew it! SIGNORA: (stands) Say goodbye to your daughter. GUIDO: Now, signora? SIGNORA: Why wait? Time ticks. SIGNORA nods to the man who escorted them in and he goes to lead GUIDO away GUIDO: Be brave, my girl. (kisses her hand) Make me proud. (is escorted away) SIGNORA: Step into the light, my dear. That's it. ISABELLA walks forward and looks to GUIDO as the door slams behind him. The SIGNORA and the younger man begin to circle ISABELLA. SIGNORA: What say you, Francesco? Do you like her? FRANCESCO: Oh, I do, Mother. I do. (opens his mouth to show a row of fangs) ISABELLA screams INT. PUB It's RORY'S stag night and he's trying to talk to AMY above the din RORY: Hey...! It's me! Hello! How are you? INT. AMY'S HOUSE, BEDROOM RORY'S call has gone straight to answer-phone. RORY: The reason for this call is because I haven't told you for seven hours that I love you, which is a scandal, and even if we weren't getting married tomorrow, I'd ask you to marry me anyway. INT. PUB RORY: Yes, I would, because you are smashing. Behind RORY, a large cake is being wheeled in and "The Stripper" begins playing. His mates poke him and he turns, still on the phone. RORY: Oh... Oh. Oh, blimey. I've... I've... I-I-I... I'll see you tomorrow. ALL: Out! Out! Out! The DOCTOR pops his head through the top of the cake. The chanting stops but the music continues. RORY shakes his head in disbelief and the DOCTOR looks about bemused. DOCTOR: (stands and turns) Rory! That's a relief. I thought I'd burst out of the wrong cake. Again. That reminds me, there's a girl outside in a bikini. Could someone let her in, give her a jumper? Lucy. Lovely girl. Now, then. Rory. We need to talk about your fiancee. She tried to kiss me. (everyone gasps) Tell you what, though. You're a lucky man - she's a great kisser. (someone drops his glass and they all stare at the DOCTOR) Funny how you can say something in your head and it SOUNDS fine... [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan "The Vampires of Venice" by Toby Whithouse Producer Tracie Simpson Director Jonny Campbell [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is in a harness seat in the space underneath the TARDIS console doing some welding work. AMY is pacing nervously above. DOCTOR: Oh! The life out there, it dazzles. I mean, it blinds you to the things that are important. I've seen it devour relationships and plans... (RORY looks down nervously and the TARDIS experiences a small explosion) Ohhh! It's meant to do that. (resumes) ..because for one person to have seen all that, to taste the glory and then go back, it WILL tear you apart. So...I'm sending you somewhere. Together. AMY: Whoa! What, like a date? DOCTOR: Anywhere you want, any time you want. (walks up the steps to join them at the console) One condition - it has to be amazing. The Moulin Rouge in 1890! The first Olympic Games! Think of it as a wedding present, because, frankly, it's either this or tokens. (takes in RORY'S stunned expression) It's a lot to take in, isn't it? (heads up a set of stairs) Tiny box, huge room inside. What's that about? Let me explain. RORY: It's another dimension. DOCTOR: (heads back down stairs) It's basically another dimen... What? RORY: After Prisoner Zero, I've been reading up on all the latest scientific theories; FTL travel, parallel universes. DOCTOR: I like the bit when someone says, "It's bigger on the inside!" I always look forward to that. AMY: So, this date. I'm kind of done with running down corridors. What do you think, Rory? DOCTOR: How about somewhere... romantic? (sets the TARDIS in motion) EXT. VENICE, DAY, MARKETPLACE The TARDIS materizlises in the middle of a busy market and no one takes any notice. The DOCTOR is the first to exit. DOCTOR: (opens arms) Venice! Venezia! La Serenissima! Impossible city. Preposterous city! (RORY and AMY looks about in amazement) Founded by refugees running from Attila the Hun. It was just a collection of little wooden huts in the marsh, but became one of the most powerful cities in the world. Constantly being invaded, constantly flooding... constantly... Just beautiful! Oh, you gotta love Venice. And so many people did. Byron, Napoleon, Casanova. Oooh, that reminds me. (checks watch) 1580. That's all right. Casanova doesn't get born for 145 years. Don't want to run into him. I owe him a chicken. RORY: You owe Casanova a chicken? DOCTOR: Long story. We had a bet. An official dressed in black steps out in front of the DOCTOR. OFFICIAL:: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Papers, if you please. Proof of residency, current bill of medical inspection. DOCTOR: (holds up psychic paper) There you go, fella. (OFFICIAL takes the paper) All to your satisfaction, I think you'll find. OFFICIAL:: (bows deeply) I am so sorry, Your Holiness. I didn't realise. DOCTOR: (takes back paper) No worries. You were just doing your job. Sorry, what exactly is your job? OFFICIAL:: Checking for aliens, visitors from foreign lands what might bring the plague with them. AMY: Oh, that's nice See where you bring me? (slaps the DOCTOR'S arm) The plague! OFFICIAL:: Don't worry, Viscountess. (bows as AMY sighs) No, we're under quarantine here, no-one comes in, no-one goes out, and all because of the grace and wisdom of our patron, Signora Rosanna Calvierri. (points to crest on the box he's carrying) DOCTOR: How interesting. I heard the plague died out years ago. OFFICIAL:: Not out there. No, Signora Calvierri has seen it with her own eyes. Streets are piled high with bodies, she said. DOCTOR: Did she, now? RORY reaches for the psychic paper as the official goes off to question someone else. The DOCTOR and AMY continue on. RORY: According to this, I am your eunuch! AMY: Oh, yeah, I'll explain later. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL, DAY The young women are in two lines, all wearing white gowns of varying designs. An older woman, most likely a teacher, walks to the head of the procession. WOMAN:: Veils down, girls. The girls lower their veils. It must be a daily ritual because people in the street stop what they are doing to watch. The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY get a spot across the canal and watch. GUIDO runs up to the procession. WOMAN:: What do you want? GUIDO: (begins to lift the girls' veils) Where's my Isabella? WOMAN:: What are you doing? Get away from there. GUIDO: (keeps searching) Isabella! Isabella! (finds her but she backs away) It's me! One of the other girls comes forward and hisses at him, her mouth, two rows of fangs. GUIDO falls to the ground. WOMAN:: Girls, come along! The girls continue their procession. A booted foot lands on GUIDO'S chest, keeping him down. FRANCESCO: She's gone. (leaves with a swirl of cloak) GUIDO: Isabella! It's me! (two guards lift him from the ground) AMY: What was that about? The DOCTOR leaves. GUIDO: Isabella... AMY: I hate it when he does that! EXT, DAY, NARROW PASSAGE GUIDO walks along the passageway. The DOCTOR crosses behind him and leaps onto the bottom step of a stairway. DOCTOR: Who were those girls? GUIDO: (stops and looks at DOCTOR) I thought everyone knew about the Calvierri school. DOCTOR: My first day here. (steps down) Parents do all sorts of things to get their children into good schools. They move house, they change religion. (Whispers) So, why are you trying to get her out? GUIDO: Something happens in there. Something magical, something evil. My own daughter didn't recognise me. And the girl who pushed me away, her face... like an animal. DOCTOR: (puts arm around GUIDO'S shoulder) I think it's time I met this Signora Calvierri. EXT, DAY, CALVIERRI VILLA, COURTYARD The SIGNORA is kneeling in the center of a courtyard, drinking from a chalice poured by her servant. We hear a door close in the distance. FRANCESCO: Mother? SIGNORA: (chalice is refilled by servant) Mummy's hydrating, Francesco. FRANCESCO: (comes down the stairs) And we never interrupt Mummy when she's hydrating. We were accosted again. (SIGNORA leans back against the well and FRANCESO lies down, head on her lap) A man made a grab for one of the girls. The longer we wait, the greater the risk of discovery. I mean, we've already converted more than enough. Surely it is time to introduce them to my brothers? SIGNORA: I shall decide when we have enough. (she strokes his head) FRANCESCO: If it's more you want, let me take the girls into the city tonight. We could... SIGNORA: We follow the plan. Let them hammer on our door... beg to be taken. A bell tolls and FRANCESCO stands abruptly. The SERVANT helps the SIGNORA stand. With a look at FRANCESCO, the SIGNORA and the SERVANT leave. EXT, DAY, NARROW PASSAGE AMY and RORY are walking through a narrow passage. RORY: And what have you been doing? AMY: Well... running. And fighting. I've been scared. More scared than I thought was... RORY: Did you miss me? AMY: I... I knew I'd be coming back. RORY: He was right. It blots out everything else. AMY: Rory... this is our date. Let's not do this, not now. There is a fluttering of wings overhead and RORY looks up. RORY: Ha! We are in Venice and it's 1580! AMY: (laughs) I know! They both laugh as they walk off, arm-in-arm. They pass a stairway where Francesco is lounging at the top, unnoticed. A young flower-seller walks by and sees him. FLOWER SELLER: (holds out small posey) Flowers, signor? FRANCESCO shakes his head and she moves on. He goes down the steps and walks under the archway where the FLOWER SELLER is resting. She holds out a bunch of flowers again. He takes it in his gloved hand. EXT, DAY, NARROW PASSAGE AMY poses in front of a doorway and RORY kneels to take her photo with his phone. There is a piercing scream. AMY runs towards the sound. RORY: What was that? RORY runs after AMY and they arrive in the passage to see FRANCESCO over the girl. He lifts his head and we see blood on the girl's neck. We then see FRANCESCO'S face and his mouth is open, showing fangs. He walks past them with a hiss, holding his cape in front of his face. RORY goes to the girl. RORY: She'll be OK. Where are you... Amy! Come back! AMY runs off after FRANCESCO. Her chase comes to an abrupt end at one of the canals. We then see AMY as if someone is watching her from underwater. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL, DAY GUIDO approaches the guards of the school. GUIDO: You have my daughter. Isabella! GUARD: You're not coming in, stop there! We've told you... While GUIDO has the guards distracted, the DOCTOR sneaks along the side. GUIDO: You have my daughter. Isabella! I demand you let me see my daughter. The DOCTOR uses the sonic screwdriver on the canal gate. GUIDO: Isabella! It's me! It's your father. GUARD: I'll arrest you... GUIDO: Isabella! After the DOCTOR has made it inside, the GUIDO leaves. INT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL, DAY The DOCTOR makes his way down some stone steps and into a chamber. On one wall, he spies a mirror. DOCTOR: Hello, handsome. (straightens tie and checks teeth) We see the DOCTOR from the mirror's POV and a group of girls dressed in white are standing behind him GIRLS: Who are you? The DOCTOR turns to face them then quickly looks back mirror. They are not visible. He keeps looking back and forth. DOCTOR: How are you doing that? I... am... loving it. You're like Houdini, only five scary girls, only he was shorter. WILL BE shorter. I'm rambling. GIRLS: I'll ask you again, signor. Who are you? DOCTOR: Why don't you check THIS out? (holds out wallet that shows an ID with a photo pf his first incarnation) Library card. (puts it away) Of course, it's with... He's... I need the spare. Pale, creepy girls who don't like sunlight and can't be seen in... (looks into the mirror) Am I thinking what I think I'm thinking? But the city. Why shut down the city? Unless... GIRLS: Leave now, signor, or we shall call for the steward... if you are lucky. DOCTOR: Ooh! The GIRLS hiss and bare their fangs as they advance on the DOCTOR. He runs to the doorway. DOCTOR: Tell me the whole plan. *That one may not work.* Listen, I would love to stay here. This whole thing... I'm thrilled. Oh, this is Christmas! (runs up the stairs as the girls hiss after him) EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL, NIGHT The DOCTOR and AMY meet up across the canal from the school. AMY: Doctor! DOCTOR: I just met some vampires! AMY: We just saw a vampire! They both talk at once, voices overlapping. DOCTOR: And creepy girls and everything. AMY: Vampires! They jump up and down together excitedly as RORY joins them. RORY: We think we just saw a vampire. DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, I know. Amy was just telling me. AMY: Yeah! The Doctor actually went to their house. RORY: Oh. Right. Well... DOCTOR: OK, so... (slaps his hands on RORY'S cheeks) first we need to get back in there somehow. RORY: What?! AMY: How do we do that? RORY: Back in where?! DOCTOR: Come and meet my new friend. INT. GUIDO'S HOUSE, NIGHT GUIDO has brought out a map of Venice. The DOCTOR and AMY are at the table looking it over with him as RORY sits back among some barrels. GUIDO: As you saw, there's no clear way in. The House of Calvierri is like a fortress. But there's a tunnel underneath it, with a ladder and shaft that leads up into the house. I tried to get in once myself, but I hit a trapdoor. AMY: You need someone on the inside. DOCTOR: No. AMY: You don't even know what I was going to say! DOCTOR: We pretend you're an applicant for the school to get you inside and tonight you come down and open the trapdoor to let us in. AMY: Oh. So you know what I was going to say! RORY: Are you insane? AMY: We don't have another option. RORY: He said no, Amy. Listen to him. GUIDO: There is another option. (points in RORY'S direction) I work at the Arsenale. We build the warships for the navy. DOCTOR: (sniffs the barrels) Gunpowder.(puts hand on RORY'S shoulder) Most people just nick stationery from where they work. RORY slides slowly off the barrel and backs away into a dead rabbit hanging by the fireplace. DOCTOR: Look, I have a thing about guns and huge quantities of explosive. GUIDO: What do you suggest, then? We wait until they turn her into an animal? (turns away and pokes fire) AMY: I'll be there three, four hours tops. DOCTOR: (gives a small smile at her persistence) No, no, no, no, no, no. It can't keep happening like this. This is how they go. (sits on the bed, head in hands. He then takes a breath and sits back) But I have to know. We go together. Say you're my daughter. RORY: What?! Don't listen to him! AMY: Your daughter? You look about nine. DOCTOR: Brother, then. AMY: Too weird. Fianc . RORY: I'm not having him run around telling people he's your fianc . AMY: No. No, you're right. RORY: Thank you. AMY: I mean, they've already seen the Doctor. You should do it. RORY: Me? AMY: Yeah! You can be my brother. (rubs his head playfully) Over on the bed, the DOCTOR smiles at their interaction. RORY: Why is him being your brother weird, but with me, it's OK? GUIDO: (to DOCTOR) Actually, I thought you WERE her fianc . DOCTOR: Yeah, that's not helping. RORY: This whole thing is mental! They're VAMPIRES, for God's sake. DOCTOR: We hope. AMY: So if they're not vampires...? DOCTOR: Makes you wonder what could be so bad it doesn't actually mind us thinking it's a vampire? INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, THRONE ROOM AMY and RORY stand as petitioners in from of Signora Calvierri. RORY is wearing GUIDO'S clothes and AMY is wearing a simple skirt and blouse that once belonged to ISABELLA. RORY: So, basically, both of our parents are dead from getting the plague. I'm a gondola... driver... so... money's a bit tight... so having my sister go to your school for special people would be brilliant. Cheers. FRANCESCO shows an interest in AMY and stands in front of her. FRANCESCO: Have we met? RORY: I've just got one of those faces. FRANCESCO: I wasn't talking to you. RORY: She's got the same face... which is because she's my sister! SIGNORA: (turns to servant) Carlo, explain yourself. Why have you brought me this imbecile? CARLO: Signora, they have references from the King of Sweden. SIGNORA: What?! Let me see. (holds out her hand and RORY walks to throne and hands her the psychic paper) Well, now I can see what got my steward so excited. (hands it back to RORY) What say you, Francesco? Do you like her? FRANCESCO: (circling AMY) Oh, I do, Mother. I do. SIGNORA: Then we would be delighted to accept her. Say goodbye to your sister. RORY and AMY grip each other's hands just before CARLO leads a stuttering RORY away. AMY: Tell Uncle... Doctor...I'll see you both pretty soon, OK? (at the doorway RORY nods) I'll be fine. Behind AMY, FRANCESCO bares his teeth and RORY sees as the door closes. RORY: A- Amy! INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, CORRIDOR CARLO is leading AMY through the school. The girls watch as CARLO leads her upstairs. He takes her to a room she shares with some other girls. CARLO: There are clothes on the bed. Get changed and wait here. AMY: (looks about opulent, domed room) Blimey. This is private education, then? All the other girls leave but one. AMY looks at her. AMY: Hey. Hello. I'm Amy. What's your name? ISABELLA: Isabella. AMY: Listen, we're going to get you out of here, but I need you to tell me what's going on. What is this place? What are they doing? ISABELLA: They, um... they come at night. They gather around my bed and they take me to a room... with this green light and a chair with... with straps, as if for a surgeon. AMY: What happens in there? ISABELLA: I wake up here. And the sunlight burns my skin like candle wax. A bell tolls and AMY looks around warily. EXT, CANAL, NIGHT The DOCTOR and RORY sit back in a gondola as GUIDO, dressed in RORY'S clothes guides them along the canal. DOCTOR: She'll be fine. RORY: You can promise me that, can you? INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND STAIRS Dressed in a white gown and carrying a lamp, AMY makes her way downstairs to try and find the room ISABELLA mentioned. She hears moans and cries and follows them. As she passes through one of the chambers, she doesn't notice the skeletal hand sticking out from a wooden chest. EXT, CANAL, NIGHT The gondola has arrived at its destination. GUIDO: We're here. Carrying a lit torch, the DOCTOR opens the creaking gate and RORY follows. GUIDO stays with the gondola. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND STAIRS DOCTOR: Right. OK, I'll go first. If anything happens to me, go back... RORY: What happened? Between you and Amy? You said she kissed you. The DOCTOR stops as they are just outside a wooden door. DOCTOR: NOW?! You want to do this NOW?! (goes up wooden steps towards door) RORY: I have a right to know. (follows) I'm getting married in 430 years. EXT, NIGHT CALVIERRI SCHOOL, COURTYARD AMY goes to the well in the center of the courtyard, sets down the lamp, and releases the bar locking the grate. Done, she picks up the lamp to head back inside and nearly walks into CARLO. She shrieks and drops the lamp. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND PASSAGE The DOCTOR and RORY are continuing through a narrow passage, the only light coming from the DOCTOR'S torch DOCTOR: She was frightened, I was frightened, but we survived, and the relief of it... and so she kissed me. RORY: And you kissed her back? DOCTOR: No. I kissed her mouth. RORY: Funny DOCTOR: Rory... (stops) Rory, she kissed me because I was there. It would have been you, (taps him on the chest) it SHOULD have been you. RORY: Yeah. DOCTOR: Exactly. That's why I brought you here. A strong gust of wind blows out the torch leaving them in the dark. DOCTOR: (whispers)Can we go and see the vampires now, please? INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND CHAMBER AMY gasps as CARLO forces her down the stairs. CARLO: Control yourself, child! The SIGNORA, FRANCESCO and some of the girls are waiting in the chamber. AMY: Get your hands off me. SIGNORA: Psychic paper. Did you really think that would work on me? There is a hum of power as the chamber is bathed in a green light. AMY looks about her nervously. EXT, NIGHT CALVIERRI SCHOOL, COURTYARD The DOCTOR pushes the grate open and climbs out, using RORY as a ladder. DOCTOR: Push... (gets out and then reaches in to pull RORY out) Come on. There we are. (whispers) Amy! Where's Amy? I can't see a thing. RORY: Just as well I brought this, then. (pulls out a small pencil torch) DOCTOR: (pulls out a long large torch from under his jacket) Ultraviolet. Portable sunlight. RORY: Yours is bigger than mine. DOCTOR: Let's not go there. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND CHAMBER The SIGNORA circles AMY as CARLO holds her. SIGNORA: Where are you from? Did you fall through the chasm? FRANCESCO: Mother this is pointless. Let's just start the process. SIGNORA: Hold your tongue, Francesco! I need to know what this girl is doing in a world of savages with psychic paper. (two of the girls bring forward a wooden chair with wrist straps) Who are you with? I scarcely believe your idiot brother sent you. (FRANCESCO sets a hook into an eye socket above the chair) What are you doing in MY school? (one of the girls attaches an IV bag to the hook) AMY: OK, I'll tell you. I'm from Ofsted. SIGNORA: (laughs) Put her in the chair. CARLO pushes her into the chair and the girls fasten the straps as she struggles. FRANCESCO holds her head from behind. AMY: No! Get your hands off me! SIGNORA: Oh, make sport of me, will you? Tease me as if I were your dog? Well, this dog has a bite, girl. (turns to show her fangs) AMY: Doctor! The SIGNORA leans in and bites her neck. EXT, NIGHT CALVIERRI SCHOOL, COURTYARD RORY: If we cancel now, we lose the deposit on the village hall, the salsa band...(sighs) The DOCTOR opens a chest on the ground to reveal skeletal remains. RORY: What happened to them? DOCTOR: They've had all the moisture taken out of them. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND CHAMBER The SIGNORA pulls away from AMY and stands, licking her lips. The girls leave. AMY'S eyes are glazed, the trauma having been too much for her. FRANCESCO leans down and runs a finger along her neck by the puncture wounds FRANCESCO: Mother... where you drink from her, may we share? I'm so thirsty. SIGNORA: Of course, darling. EXT, NIGHT CALVIERRI SCHOOL, COURTYARD RORY: That's what vampires do, right? They drink your blood and replace it with their own. DOCTOR: Yeah, except they haven't just had their blood taken, but all the water in their bodies. RORY: Why did they die? Why aren't they like the girls in the school? DOCTOR: Maybe not everyone survives the process. RORY walks away in frustration then stops and points at the DOCTOR. RORY: You know what's dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks. It's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around. GIRLS: (in unison) Who are you? The girls appear, each from her own archway. The DOCTOR holds the ultraviolet light up to them as they get closer. DOCTOR: We should run. Run! The DOCTOR and RORY run from the courtyard followed by the girls. [SCENE_BREAK] INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND CHAMBER SIGNORA: This is how it works. First, we drink you until you're dry. Then... we fill you with our blood. It rages through you like a fire, changing you, until one morning you awake and your humanity is a dream... now faded. FRANCESCO: Or you die. (chuckles as he moves a strand of hair away from her neck) That can happen. AMY: And if I survive? SIGNORA: Then there are 10,000 husbands waiting for you in the water. AMY: Yeah, sorry. I'm kind of engaged. (kicks SIGNORA and FRANCESCO restrains her) The SIGNORA is stunned. There is a slight electric hum of technology. The SIGNORA flips back part of her clothing to reveal a device clipped to her dress. Her image flickers to show an insectoid creature with a fish head. Her human image returns. They hear running footsteps and voices from above and run upstairs leaving AMY alone. She struggles to escape the chair. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, CORRIDOR The DOCTOR and RORY run along to corridor and stop when they encounter the SIGNORA, FRANCESCO and CARLO. DOCTOR: Cab for Amy Pond? INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND CHAMBER A hand reaches out to undo her straps and AMY gasps in surprise before seeing that it is ISABELLA. AMY: She bit me! INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, CORRIDOR The girls approach from the other end of the corridor, blocking their escape. SIGNORA: This rescue plan, not exactly watertight, is it? DOCTOR: (brandishes the light to hold back the girls) Ha-ha! AMY, followed by ISABELLA, runs into the corridor from an intersecting hall. AMY: Rory! RORY: Amy! ISABELLA: Quickly, through here! ISABELLA runs back the way they came followed by AMY, RORY and the DOCTOR. The girls follow. SIGNORA: Seal the house. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND STAIRS AMY: They're not vampires! DOCTOR: (uses sonic on the door) What?! AMY: I saw them, I saw her. They're not vampires. They're aliens! DOCTOR: (chuckles) Classic! RORY: That's GOOD news?! What is wrong with you people?! The DOCTOR hears the aliens as they begin to break through the door and urges RORY forward into a passage. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, UNDERGROUND PASSAGE DOCTOR: Come on, move! FRANCESCO leads the way with a torch. The DOCTOR once again brandishes the ultraviolet light as a weapon, causing FRANCESCO to hesitate. DOCTOR: Keep moving! Come on, guys. FRANCESCO sends the girls forward. EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL CANAL, MORNING ISABELLA opens the doorway and ushers the others forward down the stairs to the canal where GUIDO is waiting. ISABELLA: Quickly. Get out. Quick! (stops in the sunlight and puts up her hands to block her eyes.) DOCTOR: Oh... (runs to help ISABELLA) Come on, run! ISABELLA: I can't! (is dragged back inside) The DOCTOR pounds on the door and spasms once the door is electrified. He falls to the ground. RORY and AMY run to check on him. AMY: Is he dead? RORY: No, he's breathing. AMY looks back at GUIDO who looks down at the ground, knowing he will never sees his daughter again. EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, MOORING, MORNING ISABELLA stands in front of the SIGNORA, FRANCESCO, and the girls. She is on a plank that extends over the water. CARLO: (reads proclamation) And so in memory of the children lost to the silence, the traitor is delivered to the arms of those she betrayed. (nods to a soldier who holds his lance behind ISABELLA so she can only move forward) ISABELLA: Do you expect me to drown? I'm Venetian! I can swim! (the water begins to bubble) We can all swim! (the lancer gives her another push and she falls into the water) Something touched my leg. (the water around her bubbles and FRANCESCO watches avidly) They're all around me! They bite! (she is pulled under) SIGNORA: (walks forward) Now leave us. CARLO claps his hands and everyone else turns to depart. The SIGNORA walks to the edge and kneels. The water bubbles at her proximity. FRANCESCO: (walks to her) Mother! Change your form... or my brothers will think they are being fed twice today. SIGNORA: (into the water) Not long now. It's not long. The water bubbles again. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, THRONE ROOM The SIGNORA walks into the room to find the DOCTOR on her throne. He gives her a wolf whistle. DOCTOR: Long way from Saturnyne, aren't you... Sister of the Water? SIGNORA: No, let me guess. The owner of the psychic paper. Then I take it you're a refugee, like me? DOCTOR: I'll make you a deal. An answer for an answer. You're using a perception filter. It doesn't change your features, but manipulates the brainwaves of the person looking at you. But seeing one of you for the first time in, say, a mirror, the brain doesn't know what to fill the gap with, so leaves it blank... hence no reflection. SIGNORA: Your question? DOCTOR: Why can we see your big teeth? SIGNORA: (laughs) Self-preservation over-rides the mirage. The subconscious perceives the threat and tries to alert the conscious brain. DOCTOR: Where's Isabella? SIGNORA: My turn. Where are you from? DOCTOR: Gallifrey. SIGNORA: You should be in a museum. Or in a mausoleum. DOCTOR: Why are you here? SIGNORA: We ran from the silence. Why are you here? DOCTOR: Wedding present. The silence? SIGNORA: There were cracks. Some were tiny... some were as big as the sky. Through some we saw worlds and people and through others we saw silence... and the end of all things. We fled to an ocean like ours and the crack snapped shut behind us... and Saturnyne was lost. DOCTOR: So Earth is to become Saturnyne Mark II? SIGNORA: And you can help me. We can build a new society here, as others have. What do you say? DOCTOR: Hmm. (stands and walks to face her) (whispers) Where's Isabella? SIGNORA: Isabella? DOCTOR: The girl who saved my friend. SIGNORA: Oh, deserters must be executed. Any general will tell you that. I need an answer, Doctor. A partnership. Any which way you choose. DOCTOR: I don't think that's such a good idea, do you? I'm a Time Lord. You're a big fish. Think of the children. SIGNORA: Carlo! (CARLO approaches) You're right. We're nothing alike. I will bend the heavens to save my race, while YOU philosophise. DOCTOR: This ends today. I'll tear down the House of Calvierri, stone by stone. (CARLO puts a hand on his chest to get him to move) Take your hands off me, Carlo. (walks to door and stops) And you know why? You didn't know Isabella's name. (door opens) You didn't know Isabella's name. (leaves and the door slams) EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL ENTRANCE, MORNING CARLO: Open the gates. One of the guards opens the gate and the DOCTOR strides out. EXT, DAY, CALVIERRI VILLA, COURTYARD SIGNORA: Attend! Attend! (FRANCESCO, CARLO, the girls and attendants come into the courtyard.) The storm is coming! (begins down the stairs and her perception filter falters allowing CARLO to see the real creature. Screams in frustration) FRANCESCO: Mummy... What's wrong with your perception filter? SIGNORA: That idiot child must have damaged it when she kicked me...(there is another glitch) Now... assemble the girls. I have a job for them. INT. GUIDO'S HOUSE, DAY The DOCTOR is examining the bites on AMY'S neck with the sonic screwdriver. DOCTOR: You're fine. Open wide. (slips a candy into her mouth. Shouts in frustration as he paces) I need to think. Come on brain, think, think. Think! (sits at table) Think! AMY: (talks around candy) If they're fish people, it explains why they hate the sun. DOCTOR: (puts hand over her mouth) Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. RORY: It's the school thing I don't understand. DOCTOR: (puts other hand over RORY'S mouth) Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. GUIDO: I say we take the fight to them. DOCTOR: Ah-ah-ah! GUIDO: What? DOCTOR: Ah! (nods at RORY who places his hand over GUIDO'S mouth) Her planet dies, so they flee through a crack in space and time, and end up here, then she closes off the city and, one by one, changes people into creatures like her to start a new gene pool. Got it. Then what? They come from the sea, they can't survive forever on land, so what's she going to do? Unless she's going to do something to the environment to make the city habitable... She said, "I shall bend the heavens to save my race." (moves his hands from their mouths to their heads, forcing them to nod) Bend the heavens... Bend... the heavens... She's going to sink Venice. GUIDO: She's... she's going to sink Venice? DOCTOR: And repopulate it with the girls she's transformed. RORY: You can't repopulate somewhere with just women. You need... blokes. AMY: She's got blokes. DOCTOR: Where? AMY: In the canal. She said to me, "There are 10,000 husbands waiting in the water. " DOCTOR: Only the male offspring survived the journey here. She's got 10,000 children swimming in the canals, waiting for Mum to make them some compatible girlfriends. Ew. I mean, I've been around a bit, but, really, that's... that's... Ew. There is a loud clattering from the floor above. They all look up at the ceiling. DOCTOR: The people upstairs are very noisy. GUIDO: There aren't any people upstairs. DOCTOR: I knew you were going to say that. Did anyone else know he was going to say that? Wood creaks as if someone is walking across the floor. RORY: (looking up) Is it the vampires? DOCTOR: Like I said, they're not vampires. Fish from space. There is a loud thump and breaking glass as the converted girls enter the room. There are more outside the window. They stand quickly, startled. The DOCTOR brandishes the ultraviolet light as GUIDO crosses himself. RORY: Aren't we on the second floor? The girls at the window break the glass and the DOCTOR uses the light to keep them back. He then uses the sonic screwdriver on them, which shows their true selves. GUIDO: What's happened to them? DOCTOR: There's nothing left of them. They've been fully converted. Blimey, fish from space have never been so... buxom. OK... (switches off screwdriver) Move. Come on. They run downstairs, AMY, RORY, the DOCTOR, then GUIDO. GUIDO: Give me the lamp. (uses it on the girls) EXT. GUIDO'S, DAY The door opens and AMY and RORY run out, disturbing the chickens. DOCTOR: (following) Go, go, go, guys! Keep moving, go, go go! GUIDO: (stops at the door before closing it, locking the DOCTOR out) Stay away from the door, Doctor. DOCTOR: (pounds on door) No! Guido! What are you doing?! INT. GUIDO'S HOUSE, DAY GUIDO uses the ultraviolet light on the girls DOCTOR: (V.O.) I'm not leaving you! What are you doing?! EXT. GUIDO'S, DAY The DOCTOR uses the screwdriver on the door but it doesn't work. INT. GUIDO'S HOUSE, DAY GUIDO lures the girls after him, leading them to his rooms. GUIDO: Come on. That's it... Come on. EXT. GUIDO'S, DAY DOCTOR: Guido! INT. GUIDO'S HOUSE, DAY GUIDO picks up a candle in his free hand and backs up towards the barrels. GUIDO: Come on. Come on. Come on! EXT. GUIDO'S, DAY The DOCTOR realizes what GUIDO is planning and turns from the house. INT. GUIDO'S HOUSE, DAY GUIDO: We are Venetians! (puts the flame to one of the barrels) EXT. GUIDO'S, DAY The DOCTOR runs and is thrown to the ground as the house explodes. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, THRONE ROOM The SIGNORA strides towards her thrown and opens a device that is attached to the throne's armrest. SIGNORA: Right, to begin, let's fill the sky with fire. (activates device) EXT. VENICE, DAY Smoke and vapor pour out from the bell tower of the school, blocking out the sky. Lightening streaks across the sky as the storm begins. The SIGNORA stands on a balcony, elated. SIGNORA: Yes! The people on the streets begin to worry that it's the end of the world. MAN: In sight of the Lord, protect and keep us! EXT. GUIDO'S, DAY The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY look at the damage. They hear the people clamoring in the streets. DOCTOR: Rosanna's initiating the final phase. AMY: We need to stop her. Come on! DOCTOR: No, no. Get back to the TARDIS. AMY: You can't stop her on your own. DOCTOR: We don't discuss this! I tell you to do something, Amy, and you do it. Huh? AMY storms off. RORY: Thank you. (goes after AMY) DOCTOR: Yeah... You're welcome. (hears screaming and runs off) EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL, DAY FRANCESCO opens the gates and looks up at the roiling sky. AMY and RORY look out from the opposite side of the canal. AMY: Oh, my God! What is going on? FRANCESCO recognizes AMY. RORY: The sky, it's like it's boiling. FRANCESCO removes his hat and cape. AMY and RORY continue on. FRANCESCO watches them leave then dives into the canal. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, THRONE ROOM The DOCTOR enters the room, walks directly to the throne and begins to examine it. He opens the back to reveal alien circuitry and he takes out the sonic screwdriver. SIGNORA: You're too late. Such determination... just to save one city. Hard to believe it's the same man that let an entire race turn to cinders and ash. Now you can watch as my people take their new kingdom. DOCTOR: The girls have gone, Rosanna. SIGNORA: You're lying. DOCTOR: Shouldn't I be dead? Hmm? (she walks away) Rosanna, please, help me. There are 200,000 people in this city. SIGNORA: So save them. (leaves) The DOCTOR looks at the throne. He knows he can't stop it from there and runs out of the room. EXT. VENICE, DAY AMY and RORY make their way through the streets and soon are blocked by a wet FRANCESCO. RORY picks up some candlesticks and holds them up in the form of a cross. RORY: Amy, run! (FRANCESCO swipes the candlesticks away and moves towards AMY) This way, you freak! Don't! This...this... this way, you big, stupid, great... SpongeBob! The only thing I've seen uglier than you is... your mum! No... FRANCESCO turns to ccnfront RORY FRANCESCO: Did you just say something about Mummy? RORY picks up a broom and brandishes it like a sword. FRANCESCO pulls out a real sword, making RORY question his bravado. FRANCESCO attacks RORY who blocks with the broom handle. AMY: Careful! Hit him! This way, bring him this way! Rory! FRANCESCO slices the broom handle, leaving RORY defenseless. FRANCESCO thrusts his sword through a hanging drape and RORY dodges out of the way. He then wraps FRANCESCO in the drape then backs away. RORY: Ew! You stink of fish. (backs away into next courtyard) FRANCESCO: (following) Well, I'm hardly going to smell of cheese and biscuits RORY trips and falls backwards onto the ground, hitting his head. FRANCESCO leaps, changing form in midair, and lands on top of RORY. AMY: (on stairs) Hey! Mummy's boy. (holds up compact mirror and FRANCESCO explodes in the reflected sunlight) RORY: (wipes off dust) Ohhh... Oh... AMY: That was lucky. (RORY stands) Why did you make the sign of the cross, you numpty? RORY: (walks to AMY on the stairs) Oh, oh, right! I'm being reviewed now, am I? AMY kisses him passionately. AMY: Now we go help the Doctor. RORY: Rightio. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL BELL TOWER, DAY The DOCTOR looks out from the balcony down onto the city below. The bell tolls and he heads inside. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL MAIN GATE, DAY Outside, townsfolk are screaming and running through the rain. CARLO approaches the gate from the inside dragging a bag of precious items he is stealing from the school. CARLO: Open the gates! MAN: It's the Almighty! Look at the sky! AMY and RORY run through the streets and sneak through the gate while CARLO picks up his bag. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, THRONE ROOM The DOCTOR enters from the main door as AMY and RORY enter from the side DOCTOR: Get out! I need to stabilise the storm. (runs to the throne) RORY: We're not leaving you. DOCTOR: Right, (walks back to them) so one minute it's, "You make people a danger to themselves," the next it's, "We're not leaving you!" But if one of you gets squashed or blown up or eaten, who gets...The ground shakes and some of the ceiling falls down. They all fall to the ground. RORY: What was that? DOCTOR: (stands) Nothing. Bit of an earthquake. AMY: An earthquake? DOCTOR: Manipulate the elements, it can trigger earthquakes. But don't worry about them. RORY: No? DOCTOR: No. Worry about the tidal waves caused by the earthquake. (faces throne) Right, Rosanna's throne is the control hub but she's locked the program, so tear out every single wire and circuit in the throne. Go crazy. Hit it with a stick, anything. (heads for throne and begin to check wires) We need it to shut down and re-route control to the secondary hub, which I'm guessing will also be the generator. EXT. VENICE, DAY The storm grows even more. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, BELL TOWER The DOCTOR works on wires that connect the control in the throne room to the device that created the storm. He runs up closer to the tolling bells, holding his hands over his ears. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, THRONE ROOM AMY and RORY continue to pull all the wires they can, causing sparks. INT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, BELL TOWER The DOCTOR holds the clapper on one of the bells. DOCTOR: Shut up! Shut up. (it stills and he jumps down) That's better! The DOCTOR tugs on one of the cables but it doesn't budge. He then climbs up onto the rail, gripping the column as the rain pours down. He slips, regains his balance, and begins to climb. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL MAIN GATE, DAY AMY and RORY run to the courtyard and look up. RORY spots the DOCTOR. RORY: There he is! EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, BELL TOWER The DOCTOR climbs to the top using the cable and reaches the giant sphere at the pinnacle. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL MAIN GATE, DAY RORY: Come on! EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, BELL TOWER The DOCTOR opens the sphere to reveal the device that is creating the storm. He begins to examine it to see how to stop it. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL MAIN GATE, DAY RORY and AMY: Come on! Come on! EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, BELL TOWER The DOCTOR finds a simple toggle switch and flips it. The rains stops, the clouds clear, and birds begin to sing. EXT. CALVIERRI SCHOOL MAIN GATE, DAY AMY and RORY look around before laughing and hugging each other. EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, BELL TOWER The DOCTOR closes the sphere and looks down at the street with a little wave. RORY: You did it! EXT, CALVIERRI SCHOOL, MOORING, DAY The SIGNORA walks the quay to the water's edge. She tries to turn off the perception filter, but the device dies. She pulls off her gloves and strips down to her chemise. The water begins to bubble. She walks along the plank. The DOCTOR finds her. DOCTOR: Rosanna! SIGNORA: One city to save an entire species. Was that so much to ask? DOCTOR: (slowly approaches her) I told you, you can't go back and change time. You mourn but you live. I know, Rosanna, I did it. SIGNORA: (turns her head) Tell me, Doctor... can your conscience carry the weight of another dead race? Remember us. Dream of us. (falls into the water) DOCTOR: No... No! (looks down into the water as the bubbling stops. He stands slowly) EXT. VENICE, DAY, MARKETPLACE The townsfolk are cleaning up after the storm. The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY head back to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Now, then, what about you two, eh? Next stop Leadworth Register Office? Maybe I can give you away. RORY: It's fine. Drop me back where you found me. I'll just say you've... AMY: Stay...with us. Please. Just for a bit. I want you to stay. DOCTOR: Fine with me. RORY: Yeah? Yes, I would like that. AMY: Nice one. (kisses RORY) I will pop the kettle on. (unlocks TARDIS door) Hey, look at this. Got my spaceship, got my boys. My work here is done. (goes inside closing door behind her) RORY: (scoffs and looks at the DOCTOR) We are not her boys. DOCTOR: (claps a hand on RORY'S shoulder) Yeah, we are. RORY: Yeah, we are. DOCTOR: (stops in open doorway and pulls RORY out) Rory, listen to that. RORY: What? All I can hear is... silence. (goes inside) The DOCTOR stands there looking out, the SIGNORA'S words playing in his head. SIGNORA: (V.O.) 'There were cracks. Through some we saw silence and the end of all things. ' The DOCTOR closes the TARDIS door.

The Doctor takes Amy and Rory to Venice in 1580 on a romantic date. They meet Guido ( Lucian Msamati ), a boat-builder whose daughter Isabella (Alisha Bailey) had entered the House of Calvierri girls' school. Guido is distressed because Isabella did not recognise him on the street and now has vampire-like fangs. The Doctor, Amy and Rory investigate the school and learn that the city's patron, Rosanna Calvierri ( Helen McCrory ), is a fish-like alien and has sealed off Venice in an attempt to make it a refuge for her race after losing their home planet to the cracks in the universe. Rosanna transforms the girls admitted to her school into her race to be mates for ten thousand of her male children who are waiting in the water. Guido sacrifices his life to kill the girls from the school. Rosanna activates a storm to flood Venice, but the Doctor foils her. As the last of her species, the hopeless Rosanna sacrifices herself. As they leave, Amy asks Rory to stay and travel with her.

fd_The_O.C._04x09

fd_The_O.C._04x09_0

At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Taylor: So I woke up early this morning to make my New Year's resolutions, but I think I need your help. So number one, stop mooching off other people's families, and get a job. Number two, start taking calcium supplements. Do you think that's enough? Summer: Uh, how about number three? Plan Summer's wedding. Taylor: But engaged? Oh, my God. Why didn't you say something sooner? Summer: Denial. Taylor: Hmm. How romantic. Summer: Look, someday I want to get married, and I'm guessing that it will be to Seth. But now that I'm without child... Taylor: Well, have you told Seth that? 'Cause getting married is kind of a big deal. I should know. Summer: Well, Taylor, I cannot break it off. You should have seen his face when he asked me. He's never been that sincere in his entire life. Usually everything he says is laced with irony and contempt. But he meant it. So did I. Taylor: Except you didn't, not really. Summer, you have to tell him how you really feel. Okay, great. I've always wanted to plan a wedding. I'm thinking bagpipes. Maybe a replica of the Starship Enterprise. At Cohen's - In the kitchen Ryan: Hey. Why are you still in bed? Are you sick or something? Seth: I am sick, Ryan. I'm sick of being engaged. Ryan: So you asked her before you looked at the test? Seth: I was trying to be a man, a plan with a fundamental conceptual flaw. Ryan: And now? Seth: Well, it'not that I regret it, exactly. Okay, that's exactly it: I regret it. Ryan: Acting impulsively when your girlfriend is pregnant, believe me, I know about that. But you can't ask Summer to marry you if you don't want to get married. Seth: Well, I can't ask her and then take it back. You should have seen the look on her face; it'd crush her. Ryan: All right, that's cool, that's cool. Let's go call Sandy d Kirsten. Seth: No. No, no. Ryan: They might think you're too young, but I'm sure after we tell them about the whole pregnancy scare, they'll totally get behind it. Seth: Ow. Jettey Ryan: So just you know, Seth doesn't want to get married. Taylor: Well, it's not like Summer wants to be a desperate housewife. Ryan: Right. Taylor: Yeah, it's going to be easy then. All it will take is one of them to say they think theyshould wait a while, and the other will happily agree, and that'll be that. Except that it is Seth and Summer. Ryan: Right. Oh, here they come. Summer: Hey. So Seth and I had a long talk. Seth: Ryan, I'd like you to be my best man. Summer: And I'd like you to be my maid of honor. Ryan: Well, I'd be honored. Taylor: Yes, me, too. Super. Let's go talk wedding stuff. Seth: Okay. Uh... I feel good about this. I think a little long-term lifelong commitment is exactly what I needed. Ryan: This is bad. Seth: This is so bad. Generic Jettey Sandy: Thanks for meeting me. Frank: Thanks for calling. Sandy: So you're Ryan's father. Frank: That's funny, 'cause I was just going to say the same thing to you. New Match Office Julie: House drip? I ordered a bone-dry cappuccino. Kirsten: This one's for u. I didn't know what to get Frank and everyone likes the house drip. Julie: Frank? Kirsten: Our new accountant. Did he go to Dubai with Bullet? Julie: Um, actually, Keeks, I was going to talk to you about that. Jettey Frank: I know I've got a lot of explaining to do, Sandy. Sandy: Well, yeah, you can start with what you're doing in Newport, using a fake name, working for my wife. Frank: I want to see Ryan. Sandy: So ring our doorbell, introduce yourself. Frank: And have Ryan answer it? I don't think he'd be thrilled to see me. New Match Office Kirsten: So how did Frank Atwood become our new accountant? Julie: He became friends with Bullet while they were both locked up, and Bullet offered him a job. Frank saw that he had holdings in Newport, saw your name on the New Match portfolio. He found out from Social Services that Ryan was living with you. Jettey Sandy: I got to be honest, Frank, knowing what I do about you, and your past, it's tough to root for that family reunion. Frank: I only ask that you hear me out. New Match Office Kirsten: Rehabilitated ? Julie: He used to hit Dawn and the boys. Kirsten: How rehabilitated could he be? Julie: Well, he owned up to all that, made no excuses. Apparently, the violence always started after he'd been drinking, and he hasn't had a drop in eight years. He went to anger management, got his GED, took some business classes by correspondence. Jettey Sandy: I know about that; I checked your record. Frank: You ever think maybe the system works sometimes? Sandy: Yeah. But how come you're reaching out to Ryan only now? New Match Office Julie: He only got out six weeks ago. What was he supposedto do before that? Send a postcard from prison? "Great food. Love the view. Wish you were here." Look, his entire family hated him. He's the first to admit he deserved it. Kirsten: So you think he's really changed? Julie: Yeah, I guess I do. Jettey Frank: I know it's on me to prove itto Ryan and to you, that I'm a different guy. But I'd like the shot. With your blessing, of course, and hopefully with your help. At the shopping center Ryan: Of course you had a chance to break it off, you just chickened out. Seth: Summer had the same chance. Ryan: Yeah, maybe she's a chicken, too. Seth: Summer Roberts is not a chicken. She wants to get married. Ryan: Yeah, you sure about that? Seth: Why, did Taylor say that she doesn't? Ryan: Will it hurt your feelings if I say yes? Seth: No. Then yes. Ryan: She says someday. Seth: But not now. I said the exact same thing. Ryan: All right, well, then tell her you don't want to be engaged. Seth: She'll be fine with it. And spend the rest of my life living down the fact that I left her at the altar? Ryan: The ring you gave her glows in the dark. Seth: I know; it's so cool. Ryan: Yes, and I think she'll get over it. Seth: Yeah, she says she'll get over it, but what she means is she'll get even, okay? Now, if she doesn't want to marry me, she can tell me that herself. Ryan: Hmm, good point. Seth: Really? Ryan: No, but if you're too chicken to tell Summer how you feel, give her no choice but to tell you how she feels. Smoke her out. Seth: I'm not a chicken. At Harbour School Will: As a dog, Buck has the opportunity to view man when he doesn't even know he's being watched. Personally, I think all books should be written from the point of view of a dog. But seriously, seeing the world through the eyes of an animal, forces us to see the world and ourselves in a new light. Thank you. Teacher: That was excellent, Will. For a new student,you're really catching up nicely. Kaitlin, you're up. Kaitlin: Thanks for the nap. I really needed to be put to sleep. Eric: She's not really going to do it. Brad: Yeah, she is. Kaitlin: We're supposed to talk about the book like Buck would. And, well, Buck is a dog. So, I think that Buck would say... Ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff... Teacher: Okay, Kaitlin, that's enough You can sit. Kaitlin: But the assignment was 500 words. Teacher: I'm not done yet. "Ruff, ruff, ruff." Think we got it. Okay. See you all tomorrow. Kaitlin... I want to see you right now. You think this is funny? Kaitlin: Kind of. I mean, it was original at least. Teacher: Well, I'll give you an A for originality. Kaitlin: Cool. Teacher: But your presentation gets an F. You're failing English. You think beininheld back is funny, too? Kaitlin: An extra year in high school is definitely not funny. Will: Sorry, I forgot my books. Teacher: Will, you seem to have a real handle on public speaking. Would you mind helping Kaitlin with a revised presentation? Will: Well, you know, I... Teacher: Great. One more shot, Kaitlin. And every word better be different. At Ryan's workplace Ryan: Hey. No shrimp tacos today; we got fish. You like tilapia? Sandy: Oh, I love the tilapia, but I'm actually not hungry. Thanks, though. Ryan: What's up? Sandy: Are you on a break anytime soon? Jettey Ryan: You talked to him today? Sandy: We met, yeah. Ryan: Always knew one day he'd be out. Sandy: Well, he's out. Ryan: Yeah, yeah. It's... weird. And I know I'm supposed to have a lot of questions, but... it's like my dad's from another life it's so far in the past. Sandy: Well, if that's how you want to keep it, that's fine with me. Ryan: No speech about the importance of family? Sandy: You're my family. What's important to me is you. Ryan: I don't want to see him. Maybe later, not now. Sandy: Then that's what I'll tell him. Ryan: Yeah. Sandy: And no need to explain. Ryan: Thanks. Sandy: So I'll see you at home. Ryan: Uh-huh. Sandy, how'd he seem? Sandy: He seemed good. Ryan: Good. Motel Franl: Hello. Sandy: Frank, Sandy Cohen here. Frank: Hey, Sandy. Sandy: Hi, listen, I spoke to Ryan, and, uh, I'm sorry, but he does not want to see you. Frank: Not even a half hour for a cup of coffee? Sandy: No. Not now. I'm sorry, Frank. Best of luck to you. Frank: Yeah, um, thanks for trying. Julie: Ryan said no? What are you gonna do? At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom Summer: A cookbook? I thought you got me a present. Seth: That's just the first part of it. I also signed you up for some cooking classes. Here you go. Summer: But... I don't even like cking. Seth: Well, that's just something, I guess, you better work on, if we're gonna get married, since I expect a nice, home-cooked meal on the table every day by 5:00. Summer: Since when? Your mother never cooked. Seth: Since I decided to get a wife of my own. I also brought over the Torah. You're converting to Judaism. At Roberts' - Taylor's bedroom Summer: He's totally trying to smoke me out. He wants me to break off thengagement so he can live a long, guilt-free life being a big, fat victim. It is sneaky, cowardly and passive-aggressive. Taylor: And you wish you'd thought of it first? Summer: Totally. Taylor: So what are you gonna do, level with him and tell him the truth? Summer: Crack that. He wants a game of chicken?He's gonna get it. Summer: I'm going bridezilla on his ass. New Match Office Sandy: Hey, honey. Kirsten: Hey, Sandy. Sandy: I didn't know you were in a meeting. Are you okay? What happened? Kirsten: We need to talk. Sandy: What are you doing here? Kirsten: Frank's not leaving. Sandy: Well, I'm sorry, but I spoke to Ryan, and that's what he wants. Frank: There's something I didn't tell you when we spoke. I was hoping I wouldn't need to mention it. But then I was saying good-bye to the ladies, and it just came out. Julie: Sandy, Frank is dying. At Cohen's - Kirsten and Sandy' bedroom Kirsten: I felt terrible at dinner last night, not saying anything to Ryan. Sandy: Well, you shouldn't. Did he mention Frank? Did he seem remotely curious at all? Kirsten: Well, he's Ryan. I'm sure he's full of questions. He's just sitting on them. Sandy: You know, I asked him point-blank, and he said he did not want to see him. Kirsten: He doesn't know he's sick. Sandy: If he's. Kirsten: You think Frank's lying about having cancer? Sandy: Well, yeah, he's not the most trustworthy guy I've ever met. Kirsten: Yeah, he'd lie about that. He smoked two packs of cigarettes a day since he was 14 years old. It would be weird if he didn't have lung cancer. I appreciate you being cautious, but this seems personal. Sandy: It is personal. Ryan is our son. Because Frank turned his back on his family. He has hurt Ryan before. I'm not gonna let him do it again. Kirsten: But what if he's not lying? Please. What if Ryan finds out that we knew the truth and didn't tell him? Just let me talk to him, please. At the comics bookstore Summer: Shalom, Cohen. Well, since you brought me presents yesterday, I thought I'd return the favor. Seth: Oh, that is sweet. Summer: Yeah. So here's information on the four "C"s: carat, clarity, color and cut. Seth: Ah, diamonds. Sure, sure. Well, if we're really doing this, we better do it right. Summer: Exactly. Which means nothing less than two carats. Seth: Why not three? You're worth it. Summer: Oh, there's just one more thing. Seth: Pancakes? Summer: Pancakes. I thought he should live with you for a little while. You know, I just need to make sure my husband can take care of something small and vulnerable. Seth: Sure, sure, I've been meaning to spend a little one-on-one time with the little guy. Seth: Oh, and I've been thinking, uh, Yates or maybe Shelley. Summer: You're working on the guest list? Seth: Those are poets, Summer, and their words will inspire my vows. Have you been working on yours? Summer: Why, yes. I was thinking of Shel Silverstein with a dash of Dr. Seuss. "I meant what I said, I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful a hundred percent." Seth: Very moving, Summer. Summer: I know. Seth: Okay. We sort of had a dog once. At Harbour school Kaitlin: Hey, band geek. Sorry, I meant that band geek. Will: So Miss Tidy says that you're my tutor. Kaitlin: That's what she says. And you never disobey Miss Tidy? Will: Let's just get this over with. Kaitlin: Actually, I was wondering if you could just write something down and give it to me tomorrow. Will: Well, I'm not like the other guys at this school. I don't play water polo, and I really don't listen to you. Kaitlin: Look, little drummer boy, Miss Tidy said that you had to help me with my assignment. If I fail, you fail. Will: You can do this yourself, you know. You're not as stupid as you want to be. Kaitlin: Stupid has nothing to do with it. See you before class. At Sandy's office Sandy: I didn't know you were coming by. Kirsten: Oh, well, I knew you'd be at court all morning, and doing all that good can work up quite an appetite. Sandy: You're telling me. Kirsten: Roast beef is rare, and the mustard is spicy. Sandy: Then I'm a happy man, but I'm guessing a picnic isn't the only reason you stopped by. Kirsten: Aw, Sandy, I don't want to fight with you. Sandy: We both love Ryan and we both want what's best for him. Kirsten: Sometimes we're just not gonna see eye to eye. Sandy: No, and our yin-yang style of parenting has produced two pretty good kids, so why stop now? Kirsten: Does that mean everything is okay? Sandy: I know you want to talk to Ryan. I respect that. But you should know I called Dr. Alessi at the prison. I asked him to look into Frank Atwood's medical records. Kirsten: Sandy, that's an invasion of privacy. Sandy: Yin and yang, baby. If I'm wrong, I'll eat my words, but if I'm right, the sooner we know, the better. Kirsten: Does that mean I'm the yang? Sandy: Maybe. El guapo nuevo Ryan: See you tomorrow. Hi. Taylor: Hey. What do you want to do? Maybe get some Mexican food? Ryan: That is the last thing I want to do ever again. Taylor: Occupational hazard. Ryan: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Actually, I have to stop by Kirsten's office. She said she wanted to talk to me. Taylor: Do you think it's about your father? Ryan: Uh, well, I hope not. I made it very clear I don't want to see him. Taylor: Right. Which I totally support. Ryan: Mmm, you just don't agree. Taylor: Well, it's none of my business. Ryan: Ah, that's never stopped you before. Taylor: Look, all I know is that if my father wanted to see me, even if he was a lying, violent, drunken card shark who holds up liquor stores with a sawed-off shotgun... Ryan: My mother's a card shark, but whatever. Taylor: I would still want to see him. If only to get whatever feelings I had off my chest to tell him that I think he's a total ass and I never want to see him again. Ryan: That would feel good. Taylor: Ryan, my dad lives in San Diego with his new family. He comes to Newport once a quarter to check on his car dealership and play around at Big Canyon I haven't even spent more than 20 minutes with him since I was in second grade. It's just... really easy to ignore your kids, and the hard part is trying to have a relationship. Ryan: Look, I'm sure everything you're saying is right, but you don't know my father. Taylor: You haven't seen him since you were a little kid. No offense, but you don't really know him either. At Roberts' Julie: It says Dalet. Summer: Damn it. Oh, my brisket is burning. Ooh! Julie: I like it chewy. Summer: Julie, I really appreciate you helping me and filling in for Rabbi Gutterman, but this just is not working. Julie: Right, and whenever you want to let me know what this is, I'm all ears. As much as I've enjoyed learning the Hebrew alphabet with you. Summer: Well, this is a ridiculous sham. I mean, not that I don't look forward to one day becoming Jewish. Julie: Did Seth dare you to do this? Summer: Um, in a way, yes. We're engaged. Julie: Oh, that's great! I think. You're young, but, hey, worked for me. Summer: You can't tell anyone. Julie: No, no, but Summer, did... Are you...? Summer: No, no... we thought that I might be. Julie: Then why are you getting married? Summer: Because he asked me, and I said yes. Julie: And now you don't want to call it off because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Summer: Mmm. Julie: Or 'cause if you do, he'll get the upper hand. Summer: Exactly. Julie: Now we're talking my kind of dating game. Summer: Manipulating the opposite s*x. God, Julie, why didn't I come to you earlier? Julie: Thank you, Summer. Look, if you want to take him down, you have to kick it up a notch. It's called chutzpah. Summer: I think it's chutz... chutzpah. Chutzpah. Okay, never mind. What are you thinking? Jettey Sandy: After I talked to Sandy, I didn't think I'd hear from you again. Kirsten: I'm sorry he was so abrupt with you. Sandy: Can't say I blame him. Kirsten: He's really protective of Ryan. But we talked. Ok, well, there's someone here who wants to meet you. Ryan: Hi. Want to grab some coffee? At Ryan's workplace Ryan: It was fine. Seth: You haven't seen your father in eight years, and it was fine? Ryan: Yeah, well, fine is not a total disaer. I'll take fine. Seth: What'd you guys talk about? Politics, movies? Ryan: His Netflix queue must have been jam-packed. Seth: Has he seen Titanic? Ryan: I don't kown. We just kind of talked. I mean, I don't know. I must have thought hundreds of times about what I would say to my dad when I saw him again, but... sitting in the diner, I just didn't want to say any of those things. Seth: Oh, because he's sick? Ryan: Because he's normal. Look, you can meet him tonight. See for yourself. He's coming over for dinner. Seth: I would, but Summer and I have a date to build our chuppah together, but maybe if we get done early. Ryan: You know, you can stop that crazy train anytime you want. Seth: Yeah, I love her enough to ask her to marry me. I am not gonna lose her. Ryan: Uh, you mean you don't want to lose to< her. Seth: Exactly. Plus, the little guy is kind of starting to grow on me. Ain't that right, Pancakes? Oh, hi! Hi! Ryan: Dude, you can't bring an animal in here. What are you doing? Seth: How dare you talk to your nephew that way. Don't listen to mean Uncle Ryan, Pancakes. That's just the 'roids talking. They do make him huge, I know. Ryan: Would you get him out of here, please, before he ends up in a quesadilla? Seth: Ah. We'll be on the patio. Please bring us another side of carrots. At Harbour school Kaitlin: You got my speech? Will: Here. Kaitlin! I knew you'd come through. Eric: You asked him to do your homework? Brad: Yeah, what about us? Kaitlin: I'm sorry, guys. You've been replaced. Eric: Dude, I feel so betrayed. Brad: Me, too. Teacher: Kaitlin, you ready to start us off today? Kaitlin: Yes, Ms. Tidy. Teacher: This better be good. Kaitlin: Oh, I worked really hard. Teacher: We're ready when you are, Kaitlin. Kaitlin: Ms. Tidy, there's been some kind of a mix-up. And Will here, he... Teacher: No excuses, Kaitlin, let's go. Kaitlin: Um... Buck is, like, this spoiled and pampered dog who lives a sweet life in a big house in California. And also, he's got really pretty hair. Then, one day, like the book says, the facts of life take a fiercer aspect, and then things just kind of start to suck. Buck goes through so much crap that he goes to live with some wolves, and he'd rather kill for his own food than talk to other people. I mean, not talk to other people, because he's a dog, and he doesn't... You guys know that. I think that... that Buck's story is kind of like a metaphor. A taphor for being a teenager. Just like... the more crap you go through, the more you kind of want to be alone. Eric: Dude, she's pretty deep. Brad: Shut up, dude. I'm trying to listen. At Cohen's - In the kitchen Taylor: Fish? Are you sure about that? Kirsten: What's wrong with fish, Taylor? Everyone likes fish. Taylor: Well, what if Ryan's dad was a fisherman on choppy seas, and the smell of fish brings back bad memories? Kirsten: Chino is inland, and Frank was a mechanic-- cars, not boats. Taylor: Oh. Okay, then. Wait. What is the FDA's official position on the spinach recall? Kirsten: Spinach has a clean bill of health. Taylor: I don't think we should take any chances. I'm gonna go to the store and get some broccoli. Kirsten: Taylor... what's wrong? Even for you, you're acting a little strange. Taylor: Yeah, I know. I'm just really nervous. I'm meeting Ryan's dad. The guy hasn't seen a woman in eight years. Kirsten: I think he'll like you. Taylor: Well, it's not about that. I mean, of course he's gonna like me. It's just, my first real Ryan situation. Everything else has been all French husbands and slutty aliens. Kirsten: Excuse me? Taylor: It's like the first major test of our relationship, and I just... I really want him to see that I can be there for the serious stuff, too. Kirsten: The fact that you're there for him means everything. Taylor: Ooh. Thanks, Keeks. You could make such a great mother-in-law. Sandy: What's going on here? We having some kind of feast? Taylor: Frank's been eating prison food for almost a decade. The least we can do is grill him some fish. If he likes fish. Do you think he's gonna like fish? Sandy: You invited Frank to dinner? Kirsten: No, Ryan did. At Cohen's - Sandy and Kirsten' bedroom Kirsten: Hmm. Sandy, I told you that I was gonna talk to him. He just wants to see his father. Sandy: Well, now we all get to see him at the delightful extended family dinner. Kirsten: Have you heard back from the doctor at the prison? Sandy: No. Not yet. Kirsten: Well, I guess we just make the best of it. We always do. Sandy: With Dawn, with Trey-- I think we've been very open with Ryan's family. Kirsten: Until now? Sandy: Ryan's been through hell this year. And there is just something about this guy... Kirsten: That he's not a total screwup ? Look, I get it. We all imagined that Ryan's father would be some kind of monster. And then he shows up, and he's smart, and he's funny, and he's nice. Sandy: Yeah, minus his record for spousal abuse and armed robbery, the guy's a real prize. Move over, Bachelor Bob. Kirsten: Sandy, your relationsh with Ryan is your relationship. Nothing's gonna change that. Sandy: Well, I know that. And I know this is important to Ryan. Kirsten: So important. Sandy: All right. Let me change. I'll fire up the grill. I'll put a smile on my face and conjure up some embarrassing stories about the family. Kirsten: Thank you. At the restaurant Frank: Hey. Julie: Hi. Is everything okay? When you called, you made it sounded like an emergency. Frank: It sort of is. Jacket or no jacket? Julie: Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Frank: In case you can't tell, I really want this to go well. Julie: Just relax, be yourself, everyone will love you. Frank: Thanks. Sound pretty sure about that. Julie: Well, we've all done things we're not proud of, Frank, but people change. Ryan knows that, so do the Cohens. Frank: No, I know, it's just... Julie: Hey, you'll be fine, Frank. It will all be fine. Frank: Right. But maybe I'll bring the jacket, you know, just in case. Julie: Good luck. Call me. Let me know how it goes. Frank: Yeah. Julie... Thank you. At the comics bookstore Summer: Cohen. Pancakes. Seth: Hey, you ready for some chuppah construction, or you just want to take it easy and maybe brainstorm some ideas for the centerpiece? Summer: Actually, I've changed my mind. Seth: You have? Summer: Yes. I don't want some big, formal wedding extraganza. I want something smaller. Seth: Great, great. It'll just be our families, really intimate, be cozy. Summer: Even smaller. Me, you and Elvis! Let's elope, Vegas-style. Seth: Oh, wow, okay, well, yeah, you know. Planning a wedding can be such a pain in the ass. So we'll just have to pick a time that works for you and I... Summer: How about now? Seth: Now works, too. Let me just see if I can get a flight. You know, they may be all booked up. Summer: Well, hey, let's gas up the car and drive there. Seth: Awesome, a road trip, I love them. Summer: Well, hey, if you don't want to... No, of course I want to go. Seth: I really want to go. I just think I need to stop at home first to, um, change my underpants, 'cause you know how I feel about underpants. Summer: Well, come on. It's our honeymoon. Go commando! Seth: Awesome. Summer: Come on, no stops, no excuses. I am marrying you tonight. Seth: Not if I marry you first. At Cohen's Ryan: Yeah, so I guess the plan is that I'd start there in the fall. Frank: Well, Berkeley's a great school. Or, you know,so I hear. How'd you pick it? Sandy: Kirsten and I went there. Kirsten: We met there, so it's a very special place for us. Frank: Well, that's-that's great. Family tradition. Ryan, do you remember the time we went to San Francisco? Ryan: Uh, no. Frank: That's 'cause we never quite made it. Your mom and I had this idea in our heads that we should take a family trip. So we all piled into that old pickup truck we had and drove up north for the weekend. But it was just miserable. Trey got carsick. We got two flat tires. Of course, we only had one spare. Day in the life of the Atwoods. Frank: You know what? I actually have a photo from that trip. Ryan: Oh, there's no reason... Taylor: Baby pictures, yay! Oh, my G, look at baby Ryan. You could already see that strong jawline, those piercing blue eyes that just stare right into your soul. Ryan: That's my cue to get dessert. Sandy: Kirsten makes a great key lime pie. Taylor: Only if you like key lime, though, because I actually thought lemon meringue. And if you want I can just go inside and whip it right up or... Peach tort, I make peach... Frank: You know, key lime sounds great. Taylor: You were right. Kirsten: I should clear the table. Frank: Well, let me give you a hand. Sandy: No, no, sit down, sit down. You slaved in the kitchen all day, and you are our guest. So please, just relax. Frank: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: So we all survived dinner. Sandy: Yeah. I got to say I didn't start off a big fan of your father's. Ryan: Join the club. Sandy: But he's kind of winning me over. Ryan: Yeah, huh? He's different than I remember him. Sandy: Well... people can change. Ryan: Too bad all it took was a terminal illness. Sandy: But better late then never, I guess. Ryan: True. Sandy: Looks good. Yeah. Will you excuse me for a second, I got to take this. Yeah, sure, I'll just take this outside. [SCENE_BREAK] Sandy: Hello.Yeah, this is Sandy. Thanks for getting back to me, Dr. Alessi. I really appreciate you doing this for me, and I understand the position it puts you in. Uh-huh. I see. Well... Okay. Thank you. Seth's car Seth: Are you okay? You want to stop? Summer: No, I'm good. Seth: Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Summer: Sated and quenched, thanks. Seth: I can't do this. Summer: You can't? Seth: No, I can't. Because, you know, as much as I love you... Summer: Yeah? Seth: It just doesn't feel right getting married. You know, without asking your father... for your hand. Summer: You want to ask, um, my dad's permission to marry me? Seth: I do. Yes, I do. Summer: Cohen, that is such a holdover to when women were chattel, Traded between men like they were property and animals. Okay, I took two-thirds of a semester of women's studies and... Seth: Well, I just, I can't do this to your father, Summer. We've watched too much golf together. I love that man. Summer: Okay... you know, once we ask my dad, there's no turning back. Seth: Oh, yeah, I know. Summer: Okay. Hey, well, let's head on home and make it official. Seth: Okay. At Cohen's Frank: All I know is you're a ballplayer and then I go away and suddenly, you're in musicals? Ryan: Mom had her dreams. Taylor: Don't you worry, Mr. Atwood, I'll straighten him out. Frank: Hey, you know what? I like this girl, Ryan. Taylor: I told you he'd like me. Kirsten: I should make some coffee. Sandy: Sorry, I had a call. Kirsten: Decaf, hon? Sandy: No, I'm good. Frank. Frank: Hmm? Sandy: Can I speak to you for a minute? Frank: Yeah, sure, excuse me. [SCENE_BREAK] Frank: Hey, Sandy, thanks again for everything. I mean, this has been a great evening, great dinner. Sandy: Yeah, well, when a man doesn't have a lot of time left, every meal counts. Frank: Yeah, right. Sandy: Why are you doing this, Frank? Frank: What are you talking about? Sandy: You're his father. He would have wanted to see you either way, and now he's going to find out you lied to him. I made some phone calls. You're as healthy as a horse. Frank: You, uh... you checked up on my story? Sandy: Yeah, for good reason. Your story doesn't check out. The cab is on its way. Now before you go, tell Ryan the truth. Or I will. Frank: Look, you're wrong about him wanting to see me. He didn't. You know, he... Even though I came here clean and I-I-I was sorry, he still didn't want to see me. Sandy: Are you going to tell Ryan, or am I? Kirsten: Is everything okay? Sandy: Frank? Frank, you got something you want to say? Frank: Nope, nothing. Ryan: What's the matter? Sandy: Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Frank: I'm not going anywhere. Sandy: This is my house. Frank: And he's my son. Sandy: Not anymore. I've extended you every courtesy. Now, I'm going to have to show you the door. Frank: Hey, don't touch me. Sandy: Oh, come on. Let's go. Frank: Or what? You don't want to hit me. Sandy: Oh, yes, I do. Frank: That was a mistake, Sandy. Sandy: I'm standing right here, Frank. Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, stop. Stop! What the hell is going on? Sandy: Ryan, your father wants to tell you something. Ryan: All right, come on. Let's talk outside. Kirsten: Sandy, what on earth? Sandy: Well, the good news is, Frank Atwood is going to outlive us all. The bad news? My hand is killing me. Taylor: I'll get you some ice. Sandy: Thank you. At Harbour school Kaitlin: That was pretty good. Will: Oh, you saw the halftime show? Kaitlin: I don't watch girls' basketball. Chicks with big hands freak me out. Will: So you must mean, like, today in class, huh? You liked that? Kaitlin: Maybe you're not a total geek after all. I mean, you're still a geek, but you got me pretty good. I've got to respect that. Will: Well, your speech was pretty good. And I've got to respect that. Kaitlin: It's not like I care if you respect me or not. But thanks. Will: So got anything else to say? Kaitlin: No. What else would I say? Will: I don't know, it's just that you're still standing here. Kaitlin: So are you. Will: Do you maybe, like, want to do something? Kaitlin: Something with you? I don't think so. Good, 'cause, 'cause I didn't want to do nothing anyway. Will: I was just asking. Kaitlin: Really, because that's what you do? Just ask people what they're doing? Will: Exactly, yep. Kaitlin: Well, then why don't you ask this guy what he's doing? Will: What? Nah, I'm good. Kaitlin: Hey, guy, do you want to do something with him? Because he's... Will: Shut up. Hey, she's playing, she's playing. Kaitlin: What? Sorry. Will: Trying to be funny, huh? At Cohen's Frank: Ryan, it was one lie. Ryan: Kind of a big one. Frank: I needed to buy some time. I just wanted you to get to know me better, so that, you know, maybe you could forgive me. Of all the bad things I've done, this doesn't even make the top ten. Ryan: Yeah. That's a hell of a point. Frank: Look, I want to do better. Will you help me? Ryan: I think you should just go. Frank: Ryan! Ryan: It's too soon. Frank: I've worked so hard to get... Ryan: Not for you, for me. Frank: Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, not much of a hugger. Ryan: Yeah, I know. Frank: Look, I'm sorry about what happened in there. All right, see you. Ryan: I'll call you. [SCENE_BREAK] Taylor: Did your dad leave? Ryan: When you get decked after dessert, it's usually a time to call it a night. Taylor: Good tip. So are you okay? Ryan: First dinner with the family. Taylor: Very impressive. Ryan: I'm sorry you had to go through that. Taylor: Are you kidding? It was amazing. Well, not amazing, but, you know intense. And we went through it together, so it was kind of like our first major relationship milestone. Ryan: Yeah, I guess it was. Taylor: And now you are totally prepared for dinner with my mom. Ryan: Huh. Well, no family is perfect, right? Taylor: Mmm. Yours is pretty close. You should go spend time with them. I'll call you tomorrow. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: You all right? Sandy: I'm from the Bronx. I used to hit guys all the time. Key term: "used to." I am sorry I lost my cool back there. Ryan: He kind of asked for it. Sandy: And I'm sorry things didn't work out with your dad. Ryan: My dad is right here. But you know, if you want, I can teach you a mean left hook, just in case. Just in case what? Sandy: You got more relatives showing up here or what? Ryan: I have some mean uncles. Sandy: I bet you do. Jettey Julie: Well, you get caught lying about cancer, you're going to get punched, those are the rules. Frank: Yeah, I just wanted time with the kid. I don't think I would have said or done anything. Julie: I understand, believe me. Frank: No matter what lie I told, I would have got caught eventually. Julie: God knows Sandy's caught me in more than a few whoppers. He's just looking out for Ryan. Frank: If I'd done a little more of that in my day, I wouldn't be in this position in the first place. Julie: So where you going to go now? Frank: Bullet's got opportunities all over. I'll think of something. As for you, this ought to keep things straight with Gordon. I think you'll find these books are cooked, so you can hide as much as you make. Julie: Oh, the prostitution ring. No. After you busted me on New Year's, I made a resolution to quit. It's hard out there for a pimp. Frank: It's a nice little operation. I mean in no time, you could pay for that house you live in. Be financially independent. Here, you think about it. Okay. I, uh, I want to thank you for everything, Julie. Julie: See you. Uh, keep in touch. At Cohen's Seth: Hi, everybody. Sandy: Look at you. Where were you? Seth: Uh, I was working late. Sorry I missed dinner. Ryan: That's all right. I noticed you're not nursing a bunny. Seth: I noticed that, too. Yes, Pancakes is with his mother since I'm going to be heading up to Seattle to visit Dr. Roberts. Kirsten: Oh, that's odd. Seth: Speaking of fathers, where's Ryan's? Kirsten: Sandy punched him. Seth: You punched a dying man? Sandy: Well, it turns out he wasn't dying. Ryan: That's why he punched him. Seth: Miss one dinner around here... Kirsten: Well, you're home now. Get on the couch. It's family time. Seth: Is it family time? Sandy: Come on. Sit thee down. Seth: All right, what are we watching? Sandy: Well, it's about meerkats. Meerkats. Seth: Why are we watching it? Kirsten: Because I wanted to. Sandy: And we don't want to get your mother angry. You haven't seen her right cross. Ryan: Dad's pretty good though. Seth: That makes sense. He was in a gang. End of the episode.

Kaitlin fails a class presentation and is forced to work with a smart classmate, whom she ends up liking. Seth and Summer move forward with their plans, regardless of how they really feel. Sandy confronts Frank about why he's in Newport.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x15

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x15_0

THE ICE WARRIORS by Brian Hayles first broadcast - 9th December 1967 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. ICE WARRIORS' SPACECRAFT (THE DOCTOR is in the ICE WARRIORS' SPACECRAFT, talking to VARGA who is on a small video screen.) VARGA: Who are you? DOCTOR: I never answer questions until I'm properly introduced. VARGA: You will answer now. (THE DOCTOR defiantly ignores him.) VARGA: Very well. You are standing in the airlock to this spacecraft. Unless you answer my questions within ten seconds, I will take the atmospheric pressure around you down to zero. DOCTOR: But... but if you do that my body will explode! (A dial next to the monitor slowly decreases.) VARGA: One... two... three... DOCTOR: Oh alright! Alright! But I don't think much of your hospitality! VARGA: Identify yourself. DOCTOR: Me? I... I'm a scientist. I've come to talk with you. [SCENE_BREAK] 2. ICE WARRIORS' SPACECRAFT (VARGA is talking to THE DOCTOR on a video screen, while ZONDAL watches.) DOCTOR: To help you. VARGA: A scientist? DOCTOR: Yes, yes you could call me that. ZONDAL: You do not look like a scientist. DOCTOR: Well looks aren't everything you know! VARGA: You look more like a scavenger. We killed him. DOCTOR: Well if you kill me, you'll ruin any chance you may have of escape. ZONDAL: Do you think he can help us? VARGA: He cannot afford to lie. Allow him to enter. (THE DOCTOR enters.) DOCTOR: Ah, thank you very much, that's very civil of you. (Seeing the ice warriors, he tries to exit, but the door quickly closes.) DOCTOR: Oh, my word! VARGA: You claim to be able to help us. DOCTOR: No... I am sure I can help you. On certain conditions. VARGA: You are our prisoner. It is we who set conditions. (There is another rumble from the ever-advancing glacier. The room shakes.) DOCTOR: On the contrary, it is you who are the prisoner, and I can help you! VARGA: Not on your terms. (To ZONDAL.) Bring in the girl. Now we will have two hostages. DOCTOR: Well what good will that do? You are buried alive in the heart of this glacier. Time is desperately short! You've got no time to bargain over hostages. VARGA: Inside our spaceship, we are safe. And with you here, your base will dare not use their secret weapon against us. DOCTOR: Weapon? But, but the ioniser is not a weapon! VARGA: You know how it works? DOCTOR: Yes of course! It'll melt the ice and set you free! (From the other side of the room, VICTORIA enters.) VICTORIA: You're hurting me! DOCTOR: Victoria! VICTORIA: Oh Doctor! DOCTOR: Victoria. (They embrace.) VICTORIA: Oh dear but they've got you too. DOCTOR: It's alright. We are not beaten yet. VICTORIA: Jamie... DOCTOR: He's alive! VARGA: If what you say is true, why have you not freed us before? DOCTOR: Well, there are difficulties. VARGA: What are they? DOCTOR: Well... VARGA: You will tell us. (He threatens THE DOCTOR with his gun.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CAMP PERIMETER (PENLEY drags JAMIE through the snow towards the base. JAMIE is on a sled-like arrangement, and is wearing goggles. Howls can be heard from some sort of animal.) PENLEY: ...Well it's not... it's not much farther now, lad. JAMIE: How far are we? PENLEY: Well, we're at the edge of the woods fringing the camp perimeter. JAMIE: Can we not rest a while? PENLEY: (Sounding exhausted.) I think so - but a couple of minutes, no more. JAMIE: Aye, you're right. The Doctor needs help right away. PENLEY: I wasn't thinking only of the Doctor. (There is another howl.) JAMIE: Wolves! PENLEY: Yes. Here we're more or less safe, but the last stretch is open country. JAMIE: I don't help much, do I? PENLEY: Well I'm not exactly a man of action myself. Storr should be here now, I miss him. JAMIE: Have you no weapons? PENLEY: Arden's tranquiliser gun, that's all. JAMIE: Aye, it's not much. PENLEY: Storr was a huntsman. An expert with a bow and arrow. JAMIE: Uhh, it's no good wishing. PENLEY: Well, I'd better carry on. JAMIE: Aye, lead on McDuff. (PENLEY spots something.) PENLEY: Keep very still. (A bear comes into the open, sniffing around for food. PENLEY and JAMIE look at it in horror.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. ICE WARRIORS' SPACECRAFT (VARGA is still talking to THE DOCTOR, while ZONDAL holds VICTORIA.) VARGA: So, you are afraid of us? DOCTOR: No, but of your ship. If the ioniser sets off a nuclear holocaust, it will all have be in vain. VARGA: That is good. In that case you dare not act. ZONDAL: But if you thought there would be no explosion? VARGA: Well? DOCTOR: Well in that case we'd have... we'd have no choice. VARGA: You would use the ioniser. DOCTOR: But it wouldn't harm the ship, it would release it! ZONDAL: There would be floods. VARGA: Our engines would be useless. ZONDAL: We would be at your mercy. VARGA: Why did you come here? ZONDAL: To spy? To betray us? VARGA: But you could not hope to escape to tell the tale. DOCTOR: Oh, I always live in hope. VARGA: You have some kind of communicator. DOCTOR: You do realise, don't you, that after a certain point, my base will... [SCENE_BREAK] 5. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (CLENT and GARRETT listen to THE DOCTOR on their communicator.) DOCTOR: ...have to activate the ioniser regardless of the consequences? VARGA: And destroy you and themselves as well? [SCENE_BREAK] 6. ICE WARRIORS' SPACECRAFT DOCTOR: Is that what would happen? VARGA: Give it to me. (THE DOCTOR reluctantly hands over the communicator. VARGA grasps it between his pincer-like hands.) VARGA: Ah, they would never know. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. IONISER CONTROL ROOM VARGA: They would never know. (The communication ceases. GARRETT and CLENT look at each other.) GARRETT: The Doctor. You heard what he said. CLENT: Regardless of the consequences. Yes. Yes, he's telling us to take the risk. GARRETT: But we can't give the computer the information it needs. It can't instruct us. CLENT: Can the ioniser hold? (She inspects an instrument.) GARRETT: Present power it's... steadily losing ground. But we dare not increase! COMPUTER: Summary of orders to all World Ioniser Stations: The new equation originated from Brittanicus Base will be adopted to conditions prevailing in each sector. All bases will prepare to use full ioniser attack on the ice in concerted action. Zero hour in six hours exactly. Report readiness one hour. CLENT: We can't do it. GARRETT: But if we don't the whole plan must fail. CLENT: But if we act and there is an explosion... apart from destroying this base, the contamination could easily... GARRETT: (Interrupting.) We must state our problem to World Control, now. CLENT: No wait! We'll give our computer all the information we have. GARRETT: It isn't enough! CLENT: It may be. Er, it may be. GARRETT: I know what the computer will say. CLENT: No no no no no. Let the computer speak for itself. GARRETT: There's only one answer it can give! CLENT: Come on, quickly. Put the situation to the computer. (She hesitates.) CLENT: Do as you're told! [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CAMP PERIMETER (PENLEY and JAMIE still cautiously watch the bear.) PENLEY: He's sizing us up. JAMIE: Can you not run for it? PENLEY: I don't intend to leave you here as... JAMIE: Well the gun! Use the gun! PENLEY: I could hit the side of the mountain. I'm a scientist, not a gladiator. JAMIE: Well at least you can try! PENLEY: Alright. Cross your fingers. Here goes. (He fires the gun, but misses. The bear starts to move towards them.) JAMIE: Quick get me out of here, I'll tackle him! Get a hold of yourself man! Quick, he's nearly on us! (The bear rushes towards them, and PENLEY fires the gun in one last desperate attempt.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (THE COMPUTER is giving CLENT and GARRETT its recommendations.) COMPUTER: Set up all circuits to new equation. And wait. Further information essential before decision can be taken. Prepare to notify World Control in event of emergency. CLENT: Of course, the computer's right. We must be prepared. And we must wait. GARRETT: It is the answer I expected. CLENT: But you don't realise why it made this choice, do you? GARRETT: Because it is the most logical answer in the circumstances. CLENT: Of course. And because it's so logical, it can't gamble, it can't take risks. GARRETT: That is its function. To be totally impartial. To serve the community. CLENT: Exactly. And one more aim in its life: to survive. GARRETT: It has given us its decision. CLENT: It is no decision. The computer is playing for time. (He addresses the room.) CLENT: Now listen! All of you! We risk destruction either by a radioactive explosion, or, by the slow grind of the glaciers. (He points to the monitor showing the ice's progress.) CLENT: Now there you see that the ice has advanced 100 metres today. Now either way... GARRETT: The computer is destroyed. CLENT: So that, by demanding a decision, we are asking it to commit suicide. GARRETT: It can't do that! CLENT: Then what is the answer? GARRETT: We can escape. There's still time to evacuate. CLENT: Perhaps you could face world opinionata. I couldn't. GARRETT: You must notify World Control eventually. The other bases will be waiting. CLENT: I will decide exactly when. For now we do as the computer says. Prepare the ioniser, and wait. Now, complete data check please, Miss Garrett. (He begins to check the stations.) CLENT: Miss Curtis(?), report to me the moment ... four reaches one-five-oh-oh. One-three-seven-nine, now. (He continues to check instruments. WALTERS is standing by the door.) CLENT: Well, what do you feel about all this Walters? Bet you didn't think you'd have ice monsters and things like that to deal with when you volunteered for the job, did you? (He is silent.) CLENT: Well, did you? WALTERS: I didn't volunteer. CLENT: Ah, yes, well... good man, anyway. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. CAMP PERIMETER (PENLEY has succeeded in shooting the monster, but has come off badly.) JAMIE: Penley! Penley, are you alright! PENLEY: I'll get up... JAMIE: You sure you're alright? PENLEY: Well he's clawed me, that's all. (There is a large gash on PENLEY's face.) JAMIE: Now we better get away quick. He won't be any friendlier when he wakes up! (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. ICE WARRIORS' SPACECRAFT (The engine room door opens and VARGA and THE DOCTOR step out.) VARGA: (To another warrior.) Close engine room. (To THE DOCTOR.) Well? DOCTOR: It's an ion reactor, isn't it? Hmm. It could be dangerous, but it wouldn't necessarily explode. VARGA: True. But your friends do not know that. (He indicates the communicator he still holds in his hand.) DOCTOR: Now why don't you let us help you? VARGA: We can get what we want without your help. DOCTOR: But, but what else do you need, apart from escaping from the ice? VARGA: We have had enough of your questions. Now you will give me answers. DOCTOR: Well, I've told you all I can about the ioniser. VARGA: That is only a toy. The base - what is its power source? DOCTOR: Why on earth do you want to know that? VARGA: Answer. (There is a look of realisation on THE DOCTOR's face.) DOCTOR: Oh, so that's what you need is it? ZONDAL: Answer the Commander's questions. (ZONDAL holds his gun to VICTORIA's head.) DOCTOR: Fuel! Fuel for your reactor! And suppose I don't tell you? VARGA: The girl dies, now. VICTORIA: Doctor, don't tell them! DOCTOR: Yes, you'll find what you need at the base. (VICTORIA rushes over to THE DOCTOR.) VICTORIA: You shouldn't have! DOCTOR: But you, you won't find Leader Clent easy to persuade. He's a very obstinate man! VARGA: He will listen to our sonic cannon. ZONDAL: We must act quickly, Commander. VARGA: Isbur and Rintan, wait for me at the entrance to the cave. Zondal, you will man the sonic gun. VICTORIA: You won't succeed! You can't be so inhuman. VARGA: We only fight to win. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (GARRETT is checking figures on one of the control panels.) GARRETT: Ion density reading at 1000? PANEL: 74 ... GARRETT: 2000? PANEL: 62 ... GARRETT: 3000? PANEL: 43.3 ... GARRETT: 4000? PANEL: 39 ... GARRETT: 5000? PANEL: 35 ... (The communicator beeps, and CLENT moves over to it. It is WALTERS.) WALTERS: Reception check-point to Leader Clent. CLENT: Yes, what is it? WALTERS: Two new arrivals, Sir. CLENT: Well I don't wish to be disturbed by trifles! WALTERS: These aren't scavengers Sir. It's the lad that came with the Doctor and Scientist Penley. CLENT: What? (The screen now shows PENLEY.) PENLEY: Clent, I must talk to you. I have news of the Doctor. CLENT: Walters! (WALTERS comes back onto the screen.) CLENT: Bring the arrivals to me at once. WALTERS: Sir. (GARRETT is now getting information from the main computer.) GARRETT: Density compensator setting, please. COMPUTER: Density compensator setting: zero-three-nine. Seven-seven-seven. Zero-one. Sequence ends. GARRETT: Take all systems up to this level. (To CLENT.) Everything seems to be proceeding satisfactorily. CLENT: Is it? GARRETT: What's wrong? CLENT: Penley's come back. GARRETT: Of his own choice? CLENT: Apparently. GARRETT: Why? CLENT: We shall soon see. If he tries to start any trouble... GARRETT: Well, he can't be allowed to interfere with the program. Not at this stage. CLENT: No. I no longer need to be tolerant with him. 'Cause he's no longer my equal - he's an outsider. (WALTERS and PENLEY enter, dragging JAMIE, who can still not move his legs.) WALTERS: Come on then. PENLEY: Put him over here. (He indicates one of the chairs.) WALTERS: Take it easy. PENLEY: Rest on that Jamie. JAMIE: Thank you. WALTERS: Alright there, lad? JAMIE: Thank you. (WALTERS begins to leave.) CLENT: No stay, Walters. You may be needed. PENLEY: I'm not liable to be violent. CLENT: What do you want? PENLEY: Well I brought this lad. He's in desperate need of medical supervision. GARRETT: We are not a first-aid center. PENLEY: He's paralysed. CLENT: How did it happen? PENLEY: He was shot down by the warriors' guns. CLENT: Well thank heavens. Their weapons don't deal fatal blows. PENLEY: Well they killed Arden. JAMIE: Look you've got to help. CLENT: Er, yes of course boy. Um, Walters will take you to the Medi-Control Centre. JAMIE: No I didn't mean me, I meant Victoria and the Doctor! Look, they're inside the alien spaceship! You've got to help them. CLENT: That isn't possible. JAMIE: Well why not? You've got to do something! CLENT: No, we lost contact with the Doctor over an hour ago. I'm afraid there's no hope. PENLEY: You mean hope happens to be inconvenient! You've got to stick to your precious schedule, is that it? You've got to wave your splendid ioniser about to prove that it works and never mind about human beings! GARRETT: The computer has decided! PENLEY: The compu... Override it! Let the ioniser wait. The computer isn't gonna fall apart because it has to mark time for an hour! CLENT: We are marking time. We're not using the ioniser under instructions from the computer itself. PENLEY: Why? GARRETT: The spaceship may contain a reactor system that could wipe us off this island if we cause it to explode. PENLEY: So what are you gonna do? CLENT: We obey the computer. We will wait. PENLEY: Wait? But that's suicide! The glacier's practically on top of us! CLENT: We still have time in hand. JAMIE: Yes, but if the Doctor, if he's... CLENT: (Interrupting.) No. PENLEY: If the Doctor doesn't contact you, what hope is there? CLENT: There is hope. PENLEY: Oh don't be a fool, Clent! You're not a man, you're just a machine's slave. CLENT: Don't you spit your stupid liberty in my face, Penley. We know your kind of freedom - freedom to run away - from responsibilities, from service, from moral judgement. I may be a physical coward, Penley, you're a coward in the mind. PENLEY: Well at least I have a mind and not a ... junction box. I would act, but you daren't. And so you're going to be destroyed, along with your mechanical master. JAMIE: Look, you've got to help us man. (JAMIE touches CLENT on the arm, who is now standing next to him.) PENLEY: Jamie, I don't think you're... (A struggle ensues.) PENLEY: Jamie, take it easy. (The shouting continues until WALTERS shoots both PENLEY and JAMIE.) CLENT: (Exploding.) Ahh! Now, get them out of here! GARRETT: (To WALTERS.) You'd better take them to the Medi-Control Centre. Get someone to look at the boy. Make sure there's a guard for when they come to. WALTERS: Right. (Into his wrist communicator.) Get two guards to control. CLENT: Penley - he's nothing! GARRETT: Our trust is in the great computer. With its aid, we cannot fail. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. ICE WARRIORS' SPACECRAFT ZONDAL: (To THE DOCTOR and VICTORIA.) They are now outside their base. VARGA: (On the communicator screen. Behind him is the Brittanicus Base.) Stand by, gun control. Take target readings. (The sonic gun on the outside of the spacecraft moves into position. Inside, the screen focuses on the base.) ZONDAL: Ready. VARGA: (His voice only can be heard.) Vertical bearing: minus point nine. (ZONDAL makes the setting. On the screen the aiming cross moves up into position.) VARGA: Lateral bearing: three-five. (ZONDAL makes the changes. The cross moves across. The gun moves again.) VARGA: Prepare to charge to frequency three-five. ZONDAL: Frequency three-five. (ZONDAL turns a dial. A scale above the aiming cross moves into the correct position. In the background, THE DOCTOR motions to VICTORIA to pretend to start crying. She does so. THE DOCTOR produces his phial.) DOCTOR: It's all right Victoria, don't cry. (She cries more. Meanwhile, THE DOCTOR gets out a handkerchief.) DOCTOR: It's alright. There's nothing to be afraid of. ZONDAL: But if Varga Rintan is triumphant, then you will have cause to cry. DOCTOR: Come along, Victoria, blow. Blow. (THE DOCTOR makes a sound like a nose being blown.) DOCTOR: That's better, that's better. (VICTORIA continues crying.) DOCTOR: We can try and escape with this. (He shows her the phial.) VICTORIA: What is it? DOCTOR: Ammonium sulphide. VICTORIA: Ammonium sulphide? It's only a stink bomb. DOCTOR: Yes, you've had the benefits of a classical education. Yes, it is what you'd call a stink bomb. VICTORIA: What use is that? DOCTOR: You'd be surprised. Harmless to humans, but to aliens very possibly deadly! ZONDAL: The gun is now ready, Commander. VARGA: (Now back on the screen.) Good Zondal. We will now contact the scientists. On my command you will fire once. Do you understand? ZONDAL: Yes, Commander. VARGA: Good. VICTORIA: (Trying to distract him.) Zondal! Zondal, look! ZONDAL: What is it? (Behind him, THE DOCTOR tries to open the phial, only to find the stopper is stuck. He wrestles with it, while VICTORIA plays for more time.) VICTORIA: Look! ZONDAL: Do not try any tricks. VICTORIA: There's, there's water, seeping into the ship. Just there. DOCTOR: ... VICTORIA: Er, over in the corner there. ZONDAL: You tricked me. There is no water. (He turns and sees THE DOCTOR still trying to open the ammonium sulphide.) ZONDAL: What is that? Let me have it. Give it to me at once. VARGA: (On the communicator.) Zondal! Zondal fire! (THE DOCTOR has opened it, and VICTORIA throws the liquid at ZONDAL's face. ZONDAL staggers to the ground, barely ably to breath.) VARGA: Fire now! Zondal fire! Zondal fire! Fire now! (As ZONDAL falls, he makes a lunge for the firing control. THE DOCTOR tries desperately to stop him, but one final effort he manages to reach it, and fire the sonic gun at the base.)

The Doctor and Victoria are both held prisoner by the Ice Warriors as Varga decides to take over Brittanicus.

fd_FRIENDS_01x15

fd_FRIENDS_01x15_0

Transcribed by Ruth Curran. Converted to HTML by Dan Silverstein. [Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is working, Monica is drinking coffee.] MNCA: Rach, why does my swizzel stick have an eraser? [Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a swizzel stick. She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee.] RACH: Oh! That's why. I'm sorry! [Monica puts her cup down in disgust.] Opening Credits [Scene: Chandler's job. Chandler is typing data into his computer. One of his co-workers walks by.] WOMAN: Chandler. CHAN: Ms. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you. WOMAN: Yeah. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day. CHAN: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. [Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.] [Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.] PHOE: Hey guys, guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know... [Chandler comes in.] CHAN: Hey! ALL: Hey! PHOE: Never mind. But it was going to be really good. ROSS: What's going on? ALL: What is it? CHAN: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm putting in my numbers, and then big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor. ALL: That's great! CHAN: So.... I quit. ALL: Why? CHAN: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job! MNCA: Uh, Chandler... you've been there for five years. CHAN: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do. PHOE: So was it a lot more money? CHAN: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS. [Everyone looks at him, confused.] RACH: ... the WENUS? CHAN: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term. RACH: [sarcastic] Oh. That WENUS. JOEY: So what're you going to do? CHAN: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there. PHOE: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? [pause] Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef. MNCA: Um... hi there. PHOE: Hi! [turns back to Chandler, then to Monica] Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so.... CHAN: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant. MNCA: Yeah, yeah! Well, what kind of food is he looking for? PHOE: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu. MNCA: [excited] Oh my God! PHOE: Yeah, I know! [turns to Chandler] Well, what do you think? CHAN: Thanks, Phoeb. But I just don't see myself in a big white hat. PHOE: OK. [pause] Hey Monica! Guess what! [Scene: Monica's apartment. Chandler walks in, wearing a suit.] CHAN: Can you see my nipples through this shirt? RACH: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there. PHOE: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man? CHAN: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. [pause] I added the "a-gogo". RACH: Work counselor? CHAN: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do. RACH: I don't! CHAN: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream. ROSS: Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech. [Monica enters, excited.] MNCA: Oh, I love my life, I love my life! PHOE: Ooh! Brian's Song! RACH: The meeting with the guy went great? MNCA: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right. CHAN: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears? MNCA: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises. RACH: What are you going to make? PHOE: [as though Rachel wasn't paying attention] Yummy noises. RACH: [pause] And Monica, what are you going to make? MNCA: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great! PHOE: Ooh! I know what you could make! [runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen] I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. [sits down] ROSS: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood? JOEY: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free. ROSS: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma? CHAN: Who are you going out with? PHOE: Oh, is this the bug lady? RACH: [trying to sound like a bug] Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross. ROSS: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum. RACH: So what are you guys going to do? ROSS: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I might introduce her to my monkey. CHAN: And he's not speaking metaphorically. JOEY: [aside to Ross] So.... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... [gestures with hands, back and forth] huh-huh? ROSS: Well, I don't know.... [gestures] huh-huh.... but I'm hoping [gestures] huh-huh. JOEY: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal. [Scene: Cut to Ross' apartment. Marcel is hanging from Celia's hair, and she is screaming, trying to get him off.] ROSS: He's not going to hurt you! Keep going, Celia. Marcel... CELIA: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my... ROSS: Alright... [lifts Marcel away] [Scene: Monica's apartment. Everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.] MNCA: [to Joey] OK, try this salmon mousse. JOEY: [tasting] Mmmm. Good. MNCA: Is it better than the other salmon mousse? JOEY: It's creamier. MNCA: Yeah, well, is that better? JOEY: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know? [Chandler kicks open the door, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.] RACH: My God! What happened to you? CHAN: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? [he taps the results and reads them] "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation." PHOE: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that! CHAN: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing... something. RACH: [comes up and rubs him on the chest] Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt! MNCA: [brings a plate of tiny appetizers over] Hey, maybe this'll cheer you up. CHAN: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you. MNCA: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche. CHAN: [tastes it] Well.... it is amouz-ing... [Phone rings. Monica answers it.] MNCA: [on phone] Hello? Oh, hi Wendy! Yeah, eight o'clock. What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... OK, great. All right, I'll see you then. Bye. [hangs up] RACH: Ten dollars an hour for what? MNCA: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out. RACH: [hurt] Waitressing? JOEY: Uh-oh. MNCA: Well... of course I thought of you! But... but... RACH: But, but? MNCA: But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress. RACH: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics. CHAN: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. [dead silence] Amouz-bouche? [holds out tray] [Scene: Ross' apartment. Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon (the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing. Ross and Celia are kissing passionately.] CELIA: Talk to me. ROSS: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning... CELIA: No no no. Talk... dirty. ROSS: [embarrassed] Wha... what, here? CELIA: Yes... ROSS: Ah.... CELIA: Say something..... hot. ROSS: [panicked] Er.... um..... CELIA: What? ROSS: Um... uh.... vulva. Commercial [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.] JOEY: [in disbelief] Vulva? ROSS: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling. JOEY: [sarcastic] Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times?? ROSS: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know? JOEY: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me. ROSS: [deadpan] Please be kidding. JOEY: Why not? Come on! Close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now. ROSS: OK. [closes eyes] I'm in my apartment... JOEY: ....yeah... what else? ROSS: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. [gets up, walks across room] JOEY: [walks to catch up to him] Alright, look, I'll start, OK? ROSS: Joey, please. JOEY: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! [in a low voice] Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now. ROSS: [impressed] Wow. JOEY: Alright, now you say something. ROSS: I... ahem... I really don't think so. JOEY: Come on! You like this woman, right? ROSS: Yeah. JOEY: You want to see her again, right? ROSS: Sure. JOEY: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt! ROSS: OK, turn around. [Joey looks taken aback] I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this. JOEY: [turning around] Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead. ROSS: Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips. JOEY: There you go! Keep going. Keep going! ROSS: I, er... [At this point, Chandler walks through the door. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.] ROSS: I want to take my tongue... and... [Chandler is completely astounded.] ROSS: ....and.... JOEY: Say it... say it! ROSS: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with... [Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.] CHAN: [smiling]....with?? ROSS: [rushing to explain] Funny story! CHAN: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together. JOEY: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again. CHAN: Again? JOEY: And again, and again, and again... [phone rings, he answers] Hello? [hands phone to Chandler] And again. CHAN: [on phone] Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor?... Yeah, I miss you too. Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know?... Well, that's very generous... er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier?... Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection!.... No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! I'll see you on Monday! [slams the phone down] [Scene: Chandler's new window office. He is showing Phoebe around.] CHAN: Well? PHOE: [excited] Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube. CHAN: Look at this! [he opens the curtain to a view of New York City] PHOE: Oh! You have a window! CHAN: Yes indeedy! [they look outside] With a beautiful view of... PHOE: Oh look! That guy's peeing! CHAN: [walks away from window] OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down. PHOE: [sitting] OK. CHAN: This is great! [he presses a button on his intercom] Helen, could you come in here for a moment? [An unamused woman walks into the office.] CHAN: Thank you Helen, that'll be all. [She leaves, obviously perturbed.] CHAN: Last time I do that, I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica is on the phone. Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.] MNCA: [shouting on phone] Wendy, we had a deal! Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! [hangs up] RACH: Who was that? MNCA: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress. RACH: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. [she walks away towards the door] MNCA: Ten dollars an hour. RACH: No. MNCA: Twelve dollars an hour. RACH: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around. MNCA: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... [desperate] twenty dollars an hour. RACH: Done. [Scene: Monica's apartment, later. Rachel is waitressing, Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz).] RACH: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat? MNCA: Hi Steve! STEVE: Hello, Monica. [to Rachel] Hello, greeter girl. MNCA: [to Steve] This is Rachel. STEVE: [unconcerned] Yeah, OK. PHOE: [overemphasizing] Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of [Monica signals her to stop] of, OK, smells. STEVE: It's a lovely apartment. MNCA: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour? STEVE: I was just being polite, but, alright. [They leave. Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen. Rachel notices that Phoebe seems agitated.] RACH: What's up? PHOE: [whispers] In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie. RACH: What? PHOE: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja? RACH: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK. STEVE: [from the living room] Is it dry in here? [licks his lips] RACH: No. Let me get you some wine! MNCA: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. [Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray] OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... [Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly]... with just a touch of mints... and... [he finishes]... ginger. STEVE: Well, slap my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic! MNCA: I'm so glad you liked them! STEVE: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them! MNCA: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of those. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets. STEVE: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning. [he gets up and goes into the kitchen] RACH: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything? STEVE: You know, I don't know what I'm looking for. [Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.] STEVE: [from kitchen] Ah, cool! Taco shells! You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope. MNCA: [joining him and taking the taco shells] You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite. STEVE: [looking in cabinets] Hey! Sugar-O's! [grabs the cereal box] MNCA: You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes... STEVE: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this! MNCA: No, we don't. [reaches for box] STEVE: Oh, OK. [he drops the box on the floor] Oh, sorry. [When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.] MNCA: Why don't you just have a seat here? [he sits at the table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears. Monica spots him.] OK... give me the Gummi-bears. STEVE: [childishly] No. MNCA: Give them to me. STEVE: Alright, we'll share. MNCA: No, give me the... STEVE: Well then you can't have any. [she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.] Man overboard! I think he's drowning. [he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl] Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! MNCA: [furious] That's it! Dinner is over! STEVE: What? MNCA: What? STEVE: Why? MNCA: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet? [The oven goes off.] STEVE: [excited] Hey! [Scene: Central Perk. All are there except Chandler.] JOEY: What a tool! RACH: You don't want to work for a guy like that. MNCA: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it. ROSS: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef. PHOE: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking. JOEY: [to Ross] So, er... how did it go with Celia? ROSS: Oh, I was unbelievable. JOEY: All right, Ross! ROSS: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were different characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers. JOEY: Whoa! And the... [gestures with hands] huh-huh? ROSS: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so... JOEY: You cuddled. ROSS: Yeah, which was nice. PHOE: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something? RACH: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler? JOEY: Yeah, where the hell is he? [Scene: Chandler's office. He's on the phone, agitated.] CHAN: [on phone] Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! [slams phone down, then leans back and realizes what just happened] Whooooaaaa.... Closing Credits [Scene: Phoebe's massage parlour. She has Steve on the table, and is giving him an extra-painful massage.] PHOE: How's this? [presses down hard] STEVE: Eeeee! PHOE: How about over here? [presses down hard again] STEVE: Aaaaah! PHOE: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt? [presses down elsewhere] STEVE: No. PHOE: What about this? [she starts using her elbows on his back, he yells in pain]

Monica cooks a gourmet meal for Steve ( Jon Lovitz ), a restaurateur looking for a new chef. He arrives stoned and wants to eat everything in sight, including taco shells and gummy bears. After working as a data processor for five years, Chandler gets promoted to supervisor, then quits, claiming he only intended for his job to be temporary. When his boss calls and offers more money, Chandler caves and goes back to work. Ross has a date with a beautiful colleague named Celia ( Melora Hardin ) and gives new meaning to the term "spanking the monkey" when she meets Marcel. Ross turns to Joey for advice when Celia wants him to talk dirty as foreplay.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x12

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x12_0

LUCAS' CAR Lucas is in his car (Keith's car) with Haley and Jamie. LUCAS (voiceover) : When I was a boy, my family took me on a trip. We didn't go to any exotic place. We didn't go anywhere glamorous. We just drove. JAMIE (voiceover) : Where did you go, uncle Lucas? LUCAS (voiceover) : We drove the back road to Tree Hill, and we saw all kinds of wonderful things. JAMIE (voiceover) : Well, where were you going? LUCAS (voiceover) : Everywhere. Anywhere. But where we ended up really wasn't the point. It was the things we saw and the people we met along the way. JAMIE : Who was with you? LUCAS (voiceover) : It was just my mom, my uncle, and me. JAMIE (voiceover) : Where was your daddy? LUCAS (voiceover) : He wasn't there. But something happened that day... something magical. JAMIE (voiceover) : What was it? What happened? LUCAS (voiceover) : My uncle let me drive. (Lucas put Jamie on his lap and makes it like he is driving.) JAMIE (voiceover) : Were you scared? LUCAS (voiceover) : No, I mean, the truth is, I'm not sure I ever felt safer. That day, in that car with my uncle and my mom... was one of the best days of my life. Just like today. OUTSIDE CHURCH Peyton is in her car and stops by the church. We see all the guest in front of the church and her and Lucas walking outside, married. She is daydreaming... CLOTHES OVER BROS We see Brooke, wearing Lindsey's wedding gown with a seamstress working on her. Millicent walks in. MILLICENT : Whoa In fact, the gown is on a dressmaker's form and Brooke is the one working on it MILLICENT : That's gonna make for one beautiful bride. INSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is in the kitchen, Haley walks in NATHAN : I want to come home, Haley. I love you. HALEY : I have to get ready right now. I can't. (Nathan grab Haley and kiss her, like for their first kiss) HALEY : You shouldn't have done that. NATHAN : I wanted to. HALEY : Yeah. (She kisses him back and it starts raining inside the house) Nathan is, in fact, in his shower, alone HARBOR Haley, Lucas and Jamie are waiting HALEY : So, you want to talk about this? LUCAS : Well, you hate my book and you think I picked the wrong girl to spend the rest of my life with. What's there to talk about? HALEY : Stop it. You know that I love Lindsey. LUCAS : Oh, but I don't? I mean, I think I do, but I guess I'm just lying to myself. Is that your story? HALEY : Geez, see if I read anything you write ever again. LUCAS : Look, Hales, you can't say that the manuscript I gave you is about Peyton. HALEY : It's about yearning and want, Luke. I think you wrote it about Peyton because you still love her. LUCAS : And I think it's about a guy watching the sky. But thanks for caring. HALEY : Well, whatever you do, just don't show those pages to Lindsey. LUCAS : I already did. (Lucas sees her mom getting of a boat and runs toward her) LUCAS : Mom! HALEY : And? KAREN : Lucas? LUCAS : Mom KAREN : Oh, my gosh! Oh, I missed you, baby boy! LUCAS : Oh, I missed you, too! KAREN : Haley! How are you? HALEY : Good. (Karen sees Jamie) KAREN : Oh, and who is this? JAMIE : It's me, aunt Karen... James Lucas Scott. KAREN : No, you are not James Lucas Scott. Jamie Scott is a baby. JAMIE : I got bigger. KAREN : You got bigger! Oh, my goodness. Look at you. JAMIE : Where's lily? LUCAS : Yeah, ma. Where's my little sister? KAREN : Your little sister is with Andy. (We see Andy, holding Lily , on the top of the boat) GRAVEYARD Karen is laying down some flowers in front of Keith's grave. Lucas and Andy are watching from afar. LUCAS : I think it's really great that you and my mom are back together, Andy. ANDY : I think it's really great that you're almost gonna get married. Well, I mean, till your fianc e meets me. LUCAS : I got to talk to my mom about getting rid of you. ANDY : Listen, um... I love your mom... and Lily, but I want you to know something. I'd give it all up if Keith could be here on your wedding day. And all the days after that. LUCAS : Thank you. HOTEL ROOM Dan is alone, getting ready for the wedding DAN : I do love a wedding. Perfect occasion for a family reunion. INSIDE THE CHURCH In a private room, Lucas is already dressed and is helping Jamie to get ready. LUCAS : All right, dude, sit still. You want to be the second-best-looking guy in this church, don't you? (Nathan walks in) NATHAN : Second best? JAMIE : Daddy! NATHAN : Jamie's gonna be the man. I'm gonna be second-best. You'll be lucky to make the top 10, Luke. LUCAS : Thanks. NATHAN : Oh, come here. I love you, boy. How much have you growing the last week... a foot? JAMIE : Maybe. Aunt Karen didn't even know me. NATHAN : All right. JAMIE : Ooh, and daddy, did you see mama? She looked pretty. NATHAN : I'll bet. You know the drill, right? You're gonna lead Lindsey down the aisle with Lily, and then when you get to me, you're gonna give me these two rings. JAMIE : Treasure! NATHAN : Nice, huh? And worth, like, all the money in the world. So when I give them to you, don't lose them, okay? 'Cause uncle Lucas can't finish his second book, and he's poor. JAMIE : I'm sorry you're poor, uncle Lucas. LUCAS : Thanks, Jamie. JAMIE : Hey, daddy, when you married mama, was it your best day ever? NATHAN : Actually, I think the day I graduated high school was my best day ever. JAMIE : How come? NATHAN : Well, 'cause that's the day you were born. Now, lace 'em up. Chop-chop. NATHAN (to Lucas) : Got any intel for me with my girl? LUCAS : Not really. She misses you. She's still stubborn. Same as last week. But I'll tell you, it kind of sucks for you that my mom's here. NATHAN : Why's that? LUCAS : Well, she raised a son with a really great uncle and no husband. NATHAN : Dan sucks. (A guy enters the room) GUY : Flowers for the bride... who's clearly not here. Sorry. LUCAS and NATHAN : I'll take 'em. Jamie is holding the flowers, and with Lucas and Nathan are following him to Lindsey's private room. NATHAN : Dude, you got to give me this one. If I take these flowers to Lindsey, I get some face time with Haley. LUCAS : Forget it, man. Lindsey's been staying with Haley to make it all romantic. I haven't seen her in a week. NATHAN : So? It's bad luck. Besides, what do you think is gonna go down before your wedding in a church? LUCAS : Oh, you underestimate me. NATHAN : Lucas, you're going to hell. Listen. You and Lindsey are good, okay. You're still in that blissed-out,best-underwear, she-still-laughs at-your-stupid-jokes phase. LUCAS : My jokes aren't stupid. NATHAN : That's what you think. Look, the point is, I need this, okay? I'm fading fast here. (Haley opens the door when Jamie knocks) HALEY : Oh, flowers from a gentleman. (Haley lets Jamie walking in) LUCAS : Hey, we can help you out with that. NATHAN : Hey, look who it is. HALEY : Sorry, bad luck. (Haley shut the door) LUCAS : "Hey, look who it is"? No wonder you're fading. (Lucas knocks at the door and Lily opens) LUCAS : Lily. Oh, I sure did miss you. You think you can let your big brother Lucas in and come say hello? LILY : No! You're bad luck! (Lily slam the door too) FLASHBACK, LUCAS' BEDROOM, FEW DAYS EARLIER Lucas and Lindsey are kissing, starting to make out LUCAS : How did I get so lucky? You know, if I knew being engaged would be like this, I'd have proposed when we met. LINDSEY : It's the book. LUCAS : The book? My book? LINDSEY : I love it, Lucas. I love what you wrote, and I love that you wrote it. It's so romantic. LUCAS : Okay, we can definitely talk about this later. (Lucas gets his short off and starts to undressed Lindsey, but suddenly stops) LUCAS : You know, can I ask you... How do you mean "romantic"? LINDSEY : What? LUCAS : Well, I'm glad you like it and all, but I didn't really expect "romantic." I mean, it's about a Scientist and the stars. LINDSEY : Luke, are you kidding me? I cried so much. He's just this lost little boy, and then he sees the comet, and suddenly, his life has meaning. And then he waits his whole life for the comet to return. He has faith that it will, even though science and his intellect tells him it won't. His heart still believes. It's beautiful, Lucas. And heartbreaking. It's an epic love story. LUCAS : It's about a comet. LINDSEY : It's about love in its purest form. When I think about how it came from your heart and your mind... it makes me so happy to know that I found you... and that I get to be your wife. LUCAS : Thank you. I love you, Lindsey. LINDSEY : I love you, Lucas. CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke is turning back to the door when Karen walks in BROOKE : I'm sorry, we're closed! (She turns away and sees Karen) BROOKE : Oh, my god. (Brooke starts walking toward Karen but stops) BROOKE : Do you hate me? KAREN : No, I am proud of you! BROOKE : I missed you! How's lily? KAREN : Oh, she's good. She's very girly. But you'll see her at the wedding. BROOKE : God, unless I'm so late that I miss it. I'm supposed to be there... you're supposed to be there! KAREN : I just wanted to come by and see the caf ? and see you and maybe catch Peyton. BROOKE : She's on her way. KAREN : Good. How's she doing? BROOKE : She's a mess. She's trying to put on a brave face and be noble, but we all thought this was gonna be her day. KAREN : Yeah. And how are you? Are you happy? You are doing so well. BROOKE : Thank you. It's hard, but I'm... I'm happy. At least I'm trying to be. Can I ask you something? (Both sit on the couch) BROOKE : I made Lindsey's wedding gown, and it got me to thinking about how I was supposed to make yours. KAREN : It's okay. BROOKE : It's not okay, and somehow you managed to make it okay. And I just wonder, I mean, I've always wondered where that strength comes from. That dignity and grace that you have put on in the face of everything that's happened in your life. Because I really want to be that kind of person someday. KAREN : You already are, Brooke Davis. You've come further than anyone I know. And if you want to know a secret, you've just scratched the surface. BROOKE : Thank you. (Peyton walks in) PEYTON : Hey, Brooke, come on. We're gonna be... (She sees Karen and hugs her) PEYTON : Hi KAREN : Hi PEYTON : Thank you for my office! KAREN : Oh, you are so welcome. I... I know we have to go, but there really is something I wanted to tell you... both of you. You know, in life, if you let it, you can always come up with reasons to give up. But if you don't, you might just find love in places you never imagined... in a new relationship or in your work... BROOKE : Or in your children. KAREN : Whatever it is, just don't give up on it. And if you don't get it, well, you might get something better. OUTSIDE CHURCH Jamie and Lily are sitting outside of the church LILY : That's what you have to call me. JAMIE : I do not. LILY : Do so. Say it. "Aunt Lily." (Lindsey comes out, all dressed up) JAMIE : You look like Cinderella! Brooke and Peyton arrive in Peyton's car and join all the gang. BROOKE : I cannot believe we don't have dates for this thing. What kind of boyfriend takes his guy roommate camping for the weekend? PEYTON : Jake Gyllenhaal? BROOKE : That's nice SKILLS : Ah ,what up, what up? Who want a beer? PEYTON : I do. BROOKE : You're tailgating at Luke's wedding. SKILLS : Like you don't want one. (Brooke takes the beer and proposes it to Millicent) MILLICENT : I'm designated driver. SKILLS : So, what up, P. Sawyer? You got a plan? PEYTON : A plan for what? SKILLS : To steal Lucas back. Oh, so I'm the only one thinking like that, huh? Okay, look. Here's the drill. When they say "does anybody have any reason that this thing shouldn't go down?" Bam, that's you. BROOKE : They don't do that at real weddings, Skills. SKILLS : They should, though. You know, that's good drama. Anyway. How about this? I say we drug Lindsey first... even though I love her... Then we throw you in the wedding gown, so when Lucas lift up the veil, bam, it's on. BROOKE : Um, Skills? That gown is tailor-made, so no. And Peyton is gonna be okay. SKILLS : Right. You know I love you, P. Sawyer, right? But, baby girl, you are so far from okay, man, you ain't even in the same area code. Wait... Maybe Lucas will say the wrong name on the altar just like Ross did on "friends." PEYTON : Okay. How about this? How about Peyton puts on a nice dress, watches Lucas get married, gets wasted, and has drunk, meaningless s*x with some guy at the reception? BROOKE : Yes. SKILLS : Hey, baby, I ever tell you how sexy you look in that dress? Maybe we should head in. (Skills grab some beer) MOUTH : Hey, uh, aren't you watching Jamie? SKILLS : You know what? You right. We got to get one for him, too. Let's do it! See y'all inside (Everybody is heading inside the church, leaving Brooke and Peyton alone) BROOKE :. I meant what I said. You're gonna be okay. PEYTON : No, I know. I know. I just... I just need a minute, you know? BROOKE : Okay. I'll save you a seat. (Brooke leaves and let Peyton alone. Then she sees Lindsey, they looked at each other and Peyton walks to the church, leaving her shawl on the hood) Haley sees Dan sitting in his car HALEY : Can I help you? DAN : Hello, Haley. HALEY : Save it. You're not going into that church. And you're not gonna talk to my son, my husband, Karen, or Lucas, for that matter. DAN : You should be careful about being so bossy. I've been in prison a long time. Kind of sexy. HALEY : Don't screw with me, Dan. This is the last conversation you and I will ever have. Enjoy your reprehensible, miserable life. [SCENE_BREAK] INSIDE THE CHURCH Lucas is watching Peyton entering the church, Nathan joins him NATHAN : You ready for this? LUCAS : Yeah. I'm ready. NATHAN : All right, well, I'm not much for speeches, but, um... you're a good guy, Luke. You're a good friend, and you're a great brother. Whatever life throws at you, I got your back, all right? LUCAS : Thanks. NATHAN : All right. That's us. The wedding starts, we see Haley walking down the aisle... FLASHBACK, NATHAN AND HALEY'S APARTMENT, FEW YEARS AGO Nathan and Haley are in their bed NATHAN : What are you thinking, Mrs. Scott? HALEY : Big things. Big, important things. NATHAN : Like, "this isn't how I pictured my wedding night"? HALEY : No. Like, this is the night we're gonna tell our children about, and our children's children. NATHAN : I'd like to have kids someday. HALEY : A son with your eyes? NATHAN : No. A little girl just like you. INSIDE THE CHURCH Haley is still walking down the aisle NATHAN (voiceover) : I am gonna love you forever, Haley James Scott. I promise. From the balcony, where the orchestra is MUSICIAN : You're welcome to watch from here, but I'm sure you can find a seat down below. CARRIE : No, I'm fine. My son's the ring bearer. Lily is walking down the aisle and throws petals in front of Peyton... FLASHBACK TO WHEN THE RAVEN WON THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP (EPISODE 409) LUCAS : It's you. PEYTON : What? LUCAS : When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me. It's you. It's you, Peyton. INSIDE THE CHURCH Lindsey is walking down the aisle MINISTER : We give thanks today... for Lucas and Lindsey, for their open heart sand their willing spirits, and for their closest friends and family. May we all be changed by what is said and witnessed here. SKILLS : I got you, P. Sawyer. BROOKE : Behave or I will spank you. FLASHBACK, CLOTHES OVER BROS, FEW DAYS EARLIER Brooke and Lucas are sitting on the couch, alone BROOKE : It's a lot to process, I know. But now you know why I came home. LUCAS : Brooke, are you sure? I mean... are you sure? BROOKE : I'm sure. My heart is sure. This is what I want. INSIDE THE CHURCH MINISTER : It's a mystery how we fall in love, who we fall in love with, why we fall in love. But we do. Lucas Eugene Scott, do you take Lindsey Evelyn Strauss to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you... (Peyton stand up) PEYTON : Lucas, you can't! SKILLS : That's what I'm talking about! PEYTON : I'm sorry. I'm... I'm sorry, but you just... you can't, because I love you, and because you fixed my car! BROOKE : Oh, boy. PEYTON : Remember that day? Because that day changed everything, and I didn't know it at the time. But when you fixed my car, you fixed my heart. And when you proposed to me two years ago, I just wasn't ready. And I was lost and scared, so I said "someday," but someday is now, Luke, it is. Someday is now, and I love you. Please don't leave me again. People always leave. (We see Lucas and Lindsey in the same position as before Peyton's interruption) MINISTER : Do you promise to be true to her? PEYTON (voiceover) : At least, that's what I should have said. MINISTER : In sickness and in health... PEYTON (voiceover) : instead, I said nothing. And he said... MINISTER : ... as long as you both shall live? LUCAS : I do. (Lucas put the ring on Lindsey's finger) MINISTER : Lucas Scott, you have declared your love... JAMIE : I got to go to the bathroom. SKILLS : All right, let's go. JAMIE : Can I go by myself? Lily will make fun of me. Let me do it. I know where it is. SKILLS : All right, but you come right back, you hear me? JAMIE : I will. MINISTER : Lindsey Evelyn Strauss, do you take Lucas Eugene Scott to be your lawfully wedded husband... Jamie is walking toward the bathrooms alone CARRIE : Jamie! JAMIE : Nanny Carrie! CARRIE : Oh, god, I missed you so much. JAMIE : What are you doing here, nanny Carrie? CARRIE : Your mom and dad said I could be with you again. Oh, I get you back, and I'm so happy. Come on. JAMIE : I'm not supposed to leave the church. CARRIE : Jamie, you know I love you. Don't you trust me? JAMIE : Okay. (They both leave the church) We come back to the wedding MINISTER : ... and to love and honor each other all the days of your life, until death do you part? LINDSEY : It was a comet. MINISTER : Excuse me? LINDSEY : It was a comet, Luke. LUCAS : Could you just give us a moment, please? LINDSEY : The boy saw a comet. LUCAS : Okay. LINDSEY : The boy saw the comet, and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away, he waited his entire life for it to come back to him. LUCAS : Lindsey, I love you, but this really isn't the time for a book review, okay? LINDSEY : What was the first day you ever talked to Peyton? LUCAS : Lindsey LINDSEY : Please. LUCAS : Her car broke down. FLASHBACK (EPISODE PILOT) LUCAS : That's me inside your head. PEYTON : What? LUCAS : NOFX. Come on. Let me give you a ride. (As the tow truck starts moving, we see the name of Peyton's car: "Comet") (And then we see Lindsey taking Peyton shawl she let on the hood earlier, and she sees the "Comet") INSIDE THE CHURCH End of the flashback, Lindsey is crying LINDSEY : The boy saw the comet... and suddenly his life had meaning. I'm sorry, Lucas. I can't marry you. (Lindsey gives him her wedding ring back and run out of the church) Later, Lucas is sitting in the private room, Nathan walks in NATHAN : I'm sorry, Lucas. She's gone. LUCAS : I never took the time to make her feel comfortable with my history. I never took the time to explain it all. NATHAN : So what are you gonna do? What happens next? LUCAS : I want her back. NATHAN : Then go get her. You're Lucas Scott. Come on. Screw that. Listen to me. You're Lucas Scott, okay? I've seen you do great things. I've seen you do some of the greatest things. Now, you need to look into your heart and ask yourself what you truly want, and if the answer is Lindsey, then just go get her, man. She doesn't stand a chance. Hey, you're my brother. I'm here for you. Now go. Go on, man. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH Haley is running and screaming for Jamie HALEY : Jamie! HALEY (to Lily) : Sweetie, have you seen Jamie? LILY : No. HALEY : Jamie! Jamie! KAREN : Haley, any luck? HALEY : No. I'm really getting worried right now. Dan was here. I saw him earlier. What do... ANDY : No luck inside. I'm sorry. SKILLS : I'm so sorry, Haley. I should have went with him. ANDY : Mouth and Millicent are taking another look around back. HALEY : Jamie! Jamie! INSIDE THE CHURCH Everybody left the church, Peyton is sitting alone and Brooke joins her BROOKE : Hi. Well, that was a crazy wedding, huh? Did I ever tell you the one about the girl who got everything she ever wanted? PEYTON : Did she feel horrible? BROOKE : At first. But it's only 'cause she had a good heart. And then she fixed her makeup and smoothed out her pretty dress and went and talked to the boy she loves. PEYTON : He said "I do," Brooke. The minister asked if he would love and cherish Lindsey forever, and he said "I do." BROOKE : Bitch, you need to stop. (Brooke looks up) BROOKE : Sorry. Okay. Peyton, do you want to know why I came home? Besides to help you. I am 22 years old, and I have made more money than I could ever hope to spend, and I have never felt more alone in my life. You need to talk to him, Peyton. Just talk to him. And if you let the fact that Lucas said "I do" today to Lindsey while he was obviously lying to his own heart be the reason that you sit here and cry, I am gonna smack you across your pretty face. Come on. (Brooke hugs Peyton) BROOKE : It's okay... I want to have a baby. PEYTON : With me? BROOKE : No. I've spent four years working these endless hours to fill this void that all the success in the world is never gonna fill, and I realized that what I actually want is to have a family. It's okay. Luke looked really freaked out when we talked about it, too. MOUTH : Sorry, guys. Have you seen Jamie? BROOKE : No. Why? MILLICENT : He's missing. BROOKE : What? OUTSIDE THE CHURCH NATHAN : Haley. Hey, what's going on? HALEY : Jamie's gone, and Dan was here. NATHAN : What? HALEY : He's missing. Dan came by. I told him he was not to come into the church, and now he's gone... we've looked everywhere! (Nathan sees a police car and stops it) POLICE OFFICER 1 : What the hell are you doing? NATHAN : My son is missing, okay? POLICE OFFICER 1 : All right, calm down. You could have got yourself killed. NATHAN : We just left the wedding, okay? All the guests are gone, and my son is missing. He's 4 1/2 years old. POLICE OFFICER 2 : Have you been drinking, sir? Have you been to the reception? NATHAN : What kind of question is that? Have I been drinking? POLICE OFFICER 2 : Hey, you need to listen to me. NATHAN : No, you listen to me! My name is Nathan Scott, okay? My father is Dan Scott. He was arrested for murder, okay? He's a bad guy, and he was here today. Now, either one of you two idiots gets on your radio right now and finds my son, or I'll knock you both out and I'll do it myself! POLICE OFFICER 1 : Hey, you need to relax, all right?... Dispatch, I have a 9-20c Charlie... missing person, critical. We're gonna need an exact description of your son. HALEY : His name is James Lucas Scott. He's 4 1/2 years old. He's wearing a black tuxedo. He has blue eyes and sandy blond hair. HOTEL ROOM Carrie is washing Jamie's hair in the washbasin. CARRIE : You like that, Jamie? This will be fun. I'm gonna go get the hair dye, and then you're gonna have black hair just like mine. JAMIE : Won't mama be mad? CARRIE : No. Besides... I'm gonna be your mama now. Later, Jamie, still blond, is sitting on the bed watching tv, while Carrie is going through her luggage, nervously. TELEVISION : Run for your dear little lives. She is a witch and means to eat you for her supper. CARRIE : Jamie, honey, nanny Carrie has to go out. But I have a key, and I want you to stay here and keep the doors locked. JAMIE : By myself? CARRIE : You'll be fine. I'll be right back. And I'll bring you a present. JAMIE : When are we going home? CARRIE : Home? Wh... don't you want to play a game? JAMIE : I guess so. CARRIE : Okay. Let's play hide-and-seek. I want you to hide, and don't come out until I find you, okay? Okay, I'll go out, and you hide. Go on. JAMIE'S BEDROOM Haley is alone, crying, Nathan joins her NATHAN : The police are looking everywhere. Dan's license-plate number is on every single highway sign. Haley, you should... you should come downstairs. HALEY (whispering) : I don't want to! NATHAN : Haley... HALEY : I don't want to! You should have been there. NATHAN : I know. HALEY : You're his father. You should have been there to protect him. You should have been there, and I should have let you come home. NATHAN : This is not your fault. Haley... HALEY : Yes NATHAN : Haley, come here. (Nathan takes her in his arms) HALEY : I can't lose him! He's all I have. NATHAN : I know. It'll be okay. I know. HOTEL ROOM Jamie is hiding. Dan is trying to look inside of the room by the window. DAN : Jamie. Jamie, can you hear me? Listen to me. I'm here to help you. You have to open the door, son. I'm here to take you home. (Jamie seems scared) LUCAS' HOUSE Lucas comes home and run to his room, where Lindsey is, sitting on the bed, holding Lucas' manuscript. LUCAS : Lindsey! Lindsey! Linds?... Hi LINDSEY : "It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life... direction, beauty, meaning. There were many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday, it would return to him, and his world would be whole again, and his belief in god and love and art would be reawakened in his heart." LUCAS : Lindsey, it's just a story. I mean, so what? Peyton's car is just a comet, you know? But this is crazy. I love you. LINDSEY : I love you, too, Lucas. I do, and I always will. But your heart is conflicted, and I think I've always known it. I guess I was hoping that someday... I could be your comet. It's an epic love story, Luke. It's just not ours. And neither is this. (She put her engagement ring with the manuscript, on the bed and goes to the door) LUCAS : Lindsey, please. You can't just leave. LINDSEY : People always leave, Luke. You know that. (She looks at him and leaves) HOTEL ROOM Carrie comes back CARRIE : Jamie? I'm back! I'm gonna find you. I'm gonna get you. Jamie. (Dan pulls her against the wall and starts choking her) DAN : I think you're wrong. I think I'm gonna get you. My name is Dan Scott. I think you know my grandson. It's okay. You can blink once for "yes." (She blinks once) DAN : That's what I thought. Well, you're done knowing him for the rest of time. And if you forget or if you decide to go anywhere near my family ever again... let's just say this... I killed my brother in cold blood. I'd have no problem killing you. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE In the living room, all the guest are there SKILLS : I will never forgive myself. He has to come home. He has to. Nathan is sitting on a chair, Lily comes to see him with Jamie's little basketball LILY : Is it okay if I play with this? NATHAN : Yeah Lucas enters the room, looks at Nathan and then goes see Haley to hug her LUCAS : Haley. I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay. You got to believe that, okay? He's gonna come home. Jamie comes home and run into his parents arms JAMIE : Mama! HALEY : Sweetie, what happened to you? Are you okay? JAMIE : I'm fine. Grandpa Dan saved me. HALEY : What? We see Dan walking in and everybody is looking at him.

It's Lucas and Lindsey's wedding day and Peyton must decide what to do about her feelings for Lucas. Nathan uses the occasion to attempt a reconciliation with Haley, and recently-paroled Dan shows up for the family reunion. Carrie kidnaps Jamie, but Dan steps in to intervene.[25] This episode is named after a song by The Fray .

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MUSIC IN: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) DUCKY: Mister Palmer! Mister Palmer!(SFX: MUFFLED MUSIC B.G.) JIMMY: Yes, Doctor! DUCKY: As a serious and dedicated student of anatomy... you are a serious and dedicated student of anatomy, are you not? JIMMY: Uh-huh. DUCKY: Well then, Mister Palmer, are you up to the task of identifying the reconstructive blunder that has been foisted upon our deceased? JIMMY: Uh... uh... DUCKY: Would you call that a thumb? JIMMY: I would call that a toe. DUCKY: Why then, perchance, did you place it with the other digits from his right hand? JIMMY: Because that's where it belongs. If you look at the scar line, it matches perfectly. Plus his right foot had a cleanly amputated big toe. This guy lost his thumb in an accident or something and had surgery to replace it with the big toe. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. COURTROOM - FLASHBACK (MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK COURTROOM SCENES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: My god. I think I know who this is. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY "THE MEAT PUZZLE"(SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) TONY: Mmm, I love Filomena's ice cream. KATE: Filomena's in Georgetown? TONY: My standard first date place. KATE: I went there on a first date Saturday night. TONY: Yeah? After dinner, I like to stroll the lucky lady down Wisconsin to this pretentious gallery called "Impressions." Boy, they really eat it up. KATE: That's where we went after dinner. TONY: Really? Huh. KATE: You've been following me. TONY: Me, follow you on a Saturday night? Not that desperate, Kate. KATE: I don't believe you. TONY: Well, on my mother's life I was not following you. GIBBS: Your mother's dead. TONY: I didn't follow her, boss. I do know her boyfriend, Steve Adler. KATE: He's not my boyfriend! I don't believe this. MCGEE: Did you tell her about your fraternity brother yet? TONY: I was just getting to the good part there, McGee. KATE: Steve Adler is your fraternity brother? TONY: I'd show you the secret handshake, (WHISPERS) but then I'd have to kill you. KATE: (WHISPERS) He told you about our date? TONY: Well, not the intimate details... until I asked him. Then he had to. (WHISPERS) It goes with the oath. KATE: Gibbs! GIBBS: DiNozzo! DUCKY: Jethro, I need you in autopsy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: What he had was a great toe transplantation. An incredibly arduous surgical procedure. Nerves smaller than a human hair are connected using microscopic sutures. GIBBS: They sewed his toe to his hand? DUCKY: Exactly. In a catastrophic injury when the thumb is lost, the patient's Hallux, or big toe, is removed and attached to the hand. JIMMY: The opposable thumb is one of the most important milestones in human evolution. It's what makes us, us. Our ability to make tools, a defining element which separates us from the animals, comes directly from this dexterity. DUCKY: Drawn out digressions is a privilege earned, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Sorry, Doctor. DUCKY: If I'm right, the victim's name is Michael Grant. He was a Baltimore district attorney. Ten years ago I testified at several cases he was prosecuting. GIBBS: About the other bodies, Duck. DUCKY: Well, at this point I still have no idea who they are. GIBBS: We need positive I.D.'s, Duck. DUCKY: The flesh was peeled off the pads of the fingers. JIMMY: That rules out fingerprints. DUCKY: And the flesh and skin of the face has also been removed. So photographic identification won't be possible either. GIBBS: Dental? DUCKY: Unless we can find a piece of Michael Grant's DNA, the dental records will have to do. GIBBS: Do it.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Jethro, a barrel is left at Bethesda in my jurisdiction containing three dissected bodies, one of whom I knew. This isn't a coincidence, is it? (BEAT) I didn't think it was. (SIGHS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Possible ID on one of the Meat Puzzle bodies. A D.A. named Michael Grant. TONY: Hey cool! After six months, we finally got a lead, huh? GIBBS: Find out if he's been reported missing. Kate, pull the cases that Ducky testified where Michael Grant was the lead attorney. KATE: On it. TONY: Psst! Hey, it looks like we're going to work late. So do you want me to call Steven and cancel your dinner reservation? KATE: This is a nightmare. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: If you have a thought about continuing your genetic line, I would suggest a change of position. JIMMY: Oh. DUCKY: Jaws expand and contract, Mister Palmer. Teeth wear, but fillings, crowns, and bridges remain. DUCKY: Now let's see... four fillings on the lower left bicuspids. Crowns on the upper left molars. JIMMY: It's him. DUCKY: Yes, it's he. JIMMY: Doctor Mallard, on a more personal note. DUCKY: It's not the best time, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: I just want you to know that I am determined to learn from you. DUCKY: Your point quickly. JIMMY: Well, it's important for me to know that you know that even though there are nearly two thousand pieces of tissue on these tables, that I... DUCKY: Please come to the point, Jimmy! JIMMY: I know the difference between a thumb and a toe. DUCKY: Ah.(DUCKY WALKS O.S.) JIMMY: He called me Jimmy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Michael Grant disappeared eight months ago hiking the Appalachian Trail. His body was never found. Local LEOs could never determine if he got lost or killed. DUCKY: Definitely killed. The poor fellow was then dissected into small pieces, put in a barrel of alcohol along with two other bodies, and deposited in a dumpster behind Bethesda Naval Hospital. GIBBS: Dental records matched? DUCKY: I'm afraid so, Jethro. KATE: Ducky, remember a Judge Roland Davis? DUCKY: Of course. A man of small stature and enormous ego. A highly competent jurist, nonetheless. KATE: He was the judge on one of the two cases you testified, where Michael Grant was the lead attorney. DUCKY: The significance of that, Caitlin? KATE: He was reported missing seven months ago. DUCKY: I'll run a dental comparison -- the judge with the other two bodies. GIBBS: Pull up the case, Kate. DUCKY: Oh, yes. Of course. Who could forget him? Vincent Hanlan. A medical school washout. He was studying to become a... medical examiner. He was accused of raping and murdering a Navy Lieutenant who worked at Bethesda Hospital's pathology lab. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PATHOLOGY LAB - FLASHBACK DUCKY: (V.O.) I performed the autopsy. She was a beautiful girl. I believe her name was Lieutenant Sylvia... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Sylvia Waksal. DUCKY: Yes, that's right. She was working late one night. Vincent Hanlan stalked her with the intention of raping her. The speculation was that he was unable to perform the rape. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - FLASHBACK DUCKY: (V.O.) His impotence so enraged him that he proceeded to beat the poor girl to death. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DUCKY: When it went to trial... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. COURTROOM - FLASHBACK DUCKY: (V.O.) ... Michael Grant was the prosecuting attorney. Judge Davis presided. And I testified. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DUCKY: The evidence was all circumstantial. So when the judge offered the jury second degree murder, they accepted it. KATE: Vincent Hanlan served eight years in the Maryland Correctional Adjustment Center. GIBBS: Kate, start building a profile on Vincent Hanlan. Tony... TONY: Find the whereabouts of everybody else associated with prosecuting Vincent Hanlan and fast. GIBBS: McGee, the last address for Vincent Hanlan. I want to bring him in. McGee! MCGEE: Uh... sorry, boss. I already found him. GIBBS: Give me the address. MCGEE: It's twenty two Victor Road, Mount Ephraim Cemetery. He's been dead over a year. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Crown, crown, match, match, filling, filling, match. As we feared, the second corpse is Judge Roland Davis. GIBBS: Any guesses on number three here? TONY: Carl Foss. KATE: The jury foreman. DUCKY: Of course! TONY: Missing since last summer. KATE: His x-rays are on the way over from his family dentist. GIBBS: Are you okay, Duck? DUCKY: I assume this macabre play is being put on for my benefit. My testimony was key in putting Vincent Hanlan in prison. MUSICAL DISSOLVE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - FLASHBACK DUCKY: (V.O.) I was able to lift a partial print of Vincent's off her body. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Thinking back, I think I was slightly unnerved by Hanlan during the trial. KATE: How so? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - FLASHBACK DUCKY: (V.O.) He just seemed particularly agitated when I was on the stand. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY KATE: You were the medical examiner he was never going to be. DUCKY: I was using his failure against him. GIBBS: You'll stay at NCIS as much as possible. Other than that, one of us will be with you at all times. DUCKY: Jethro, my mother is ninety-six years old. She suffers from dementia. She gets very nervous when I'm not home in the evenings. GIBBS: Tony, you'll take the first shift ... with his mother. TONY: Uh... doing what, boss? GIBBS: Whatever she wants. DUCKY: Yes, it would be helpful if you could assist with the dogs. TONY: Oh, gosh. I'm not really an animal person, Ducky. I just haven't spent a lot of time with them lately and... DUCKY: The yappy creatures are all she has in this life... except for me, of course. GIBBS: If Vincent Hanlan is dead, who is getting revenge? KATE: His family? GIBBS: Find them, Kate. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: According to their tax returns, Vincent Hanlan's parents are both morticians. They've run a funeral home for the last thirteen years. GIBBS: Siblings. KATE: One brother who's a taxidermist. GIBBS: Mortician, taxidermist, wannabe medical examiner. KATE: Yeah, the death obsession pretty much runs in the family. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY FRED: Vincent's conviction tore the family apart. His death pretty much put us under. Through here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. EMBALMING ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) FRED: Mary. MARY HANLAN: Get these people out of here! FRED: They're federal agents. MARY HANLAN: I don't care! FRED: They're here about Vincent. MARY HANLAN: They're not authorized! Get out! GIBBS: Individuals connected with Vincent's prosecution have been found murdered. MARY HANLAN: Good. KATE: Good? MARY HANLAN: Vincent was innocent. He was a good boy. He was in medical school. GIBBS: Jack the Ripper went to medical school. MARY HANLAN: When my son got out of prison, he had nothing left. No hope. No promise. They labeled him a s*x murderer. KATE: What was he doing when he got out of prison? FRED: He was drinking a lot. MARY HANLAN: Oh, that's all you have to say about your dead son!? FRED: That isn't what I meant. I was trying to explain how difficult his life was. GIBBS: What happened the night he died? FRED: He was driving with his brother and they hit a tree. KATE: Can you think of anyone who would want to get revenge on the men who put your son in jail? MARY HANLAN: Me! But I don't know anything about it, so why don't you just get the hell out of here before I call the authorities and have you arrested and maybe you'll go to prison! Bastards! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Two bridges, ten crowns, seven fillings. Not exactly a paragon of oral hygiene, my dear fellow. JIMMY: Is he Carl Foss? DUCKY: Was there ever any doubt? Well, that's all three... prosecutor, judge, and now foreman of the jury. JIMMY: Are you scared, Doctor Mallard? DUCKY: Madame Curie, one of the world's most brilliant thinkers, once said, "There is nothing in life to be feared. It is only to be understood." I think it's safe to say that Madame Curie never set her eyes on a meat puzzle. Yes, I'm scared. Scared as hell. Put them away, Jimmy. They're tired of talking. They need to rest. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) JIMMY: Yes, doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. MALLARD HOME - DAY VICTORIA (V.O.)Keep it down --(KNOCK ON DOOR) (SFX: DOGS BARKING) (DOOR OPENS) VICTORIA: Yes? TONY: I'm Anthony DiNozzo, Mrs. Mallard. I work with your son. He called, said I'd be coming over. VICTORIA: You're Italian! TONY: Yes, I am. VICTORIA: You're a gigolo. TONY: Ah... well, I wouldn't exactly call-- VICTORIA: You move furniture. TONY: I could. VICTORIA: I have a commode that has no business being here. It belongs in the lounge. I've told Donald this. He never listens. TONY: I understand. Okay. If you'll just show me where you want the -- (SFX: DOGS GROWL) VICTORIA: Who are you? TONY: Anthony DiNozzo. Everyone calls me Tony. VICTORIA: That's an Italian name. TONY: Yes, it is. So if you'll just show me where ... VICTORIA: Oh... gigolo. If you look down my blouse, I shall disembowel you! TONY: (LAUGHS) That's funny. VICTORIA: I have a knife in my brassiere. TONY: I'll keep that in mind. VICTORIA: Good! Who are you again? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANLAN'S WORKSHOP - DAY JONATHAN: Couldn't there be another case where these men worked together? GIBBS: I haven't found one. KATE: Your brother's case is the common link. JONATHAN: I would love to have stuffed Vincent. (CHUCKLES) He would've liked that. He had a good sense of humor, Vincent did. But it's against state law. Oh! Best mammal at the regionals last year. Like anything else, you get obsessed. Becomes a way of life. KATE: I thought pandas were endangered? JONATHAN: Oh, they are. "Re-Creation Category." I took two black bears and bleached one. And then I sewed them together in a panda pattern. GIBBS: Do you miss your brother? JONATHAN: He's my brother. GIBBS: Did you two get along? JONATHAN: When he got out of prison, he was depressed. He couldn't go back to school. He couldn't get a job. He started drinking heavily. GIBBS: You didn't answer my question. JONATHAN: We were close. And I have no idea who killed the men that put him in jail. KATE: What happened the night he died? JONATHAN: Vincent was driving. He lost control. We went off the road into the woods. My head hit the dash hard. I stumbled out of the car. I fell to my knees. When I got my bearings, I saw the car was on fire. KATE: Do you feel guilty you didn't pull him out? JONATHAN: I was told he died instantly from the impact. That he never felt the flames. I think he felt the flames. Oh! Second place, Nationals. Small animal division. African civet. (SFX: PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO) Boss, I've been running down other people involved in the Vincent Hanlan case. I've got something good. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Spit it out, McGee. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) The lead Detective in the Hanlan ... (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ...Case was a Baltimore officer named Marco Cesaretti. He retired in ninety six. Missed his last rent payment. Nobody's seen him in three weeks. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MALLARD HOME - DAY TONY: Where do you need this? Oh, God. Mrs. Mallard? Mrs. Mallard!? VICTORIA: Who are you!? And where are you going with my commode! TONY: I'm your son's co-worker. Remember? Tony DiNozzo, the Italian gigolo furniture mover. (SFX: DOOR BELL RINGS) (SFX: DOGS BARK) TONY: No! (VICTORIA SHOUTS/KNIFE FALLS TO THE GROUND) TONY: I'm a Federal Agent, Ma'am. VICTORIA: That's what they all say. (SFX: DOORBELL RINGS) TONY: Will you please go stand over there? Now! And keep the girls and boys in the other room. VICTORIA: Stay. Quiet down. TONY: What is it? DELIVERY MAN: Delivery! TONY: What kind of delivery? DELIVERY MAN: I don't know, Sir. It just says perishable. (DOOR OPENS) DELIVERY MAN: Hi. TONY: Step back, please! Step back! DELIVERY MAN: Okay! TONY: Thank you. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. MALLARD HOME - DAY (PHOTO FLASHES) DUCKY: Victim number four, Jethro. The size of the pieces, the cuts, are all consistent with the bodies of the D.A., the judge and the foreman. GIBBS: The homicide detective completes the team. DUCKY: You're forgetting the Medical Examiner, Jethro, whose testimony put Vincent Hanlan behind bars. JIMMY: That's you! DUCKY: Very good, Mister Palmer. He's saving the best for last. GIBBS: It's not going to happen, Duck. MCGEE: Boss. DUCKY: You may load it, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Right. Should I...uh... roll it? DUCKY: Well, one could do that, but I think it might be easier if you used the hand trolley. JIMMY: Oh, oh, of course. I was so distracted by its contents, I didn't notice it. DELIVERY MAN: Here. Let me help you with this. MCGEE: The guy, who works for an independent delivery service downtown, picked up the barrel from a new client on Twenty-seventh Street. That's the order. GIBBS: Universal Scrap Metal. MCGEE: The owner called it in. The print's kind of small. Even I had trouble reading it. GIBBS: Print's fine, McGee. Jeffrey... Jeffrey Winston. MCGEE: Actually, it's Jeffrey Wilson. But you're very close, Boss. GIBBS: Are you sure it's Wilson? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PORCH - DAY KATE: Gibbs is right. Whoever he is, he's not going to get you. DUCKY: There is only one thing better than looking into the eyes of a beautiful woman and have her say that everything is going to be all right. KATE: And what's that, Ducky? DUCKY: My saying it to her. JIMMY: All loaded, Doctor! GIBBS: You stick to him like... KATE: Glue. GIBBS: An ex-wife after an alimony check. KATE: (LAUGHS) Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger? GIBBS: Ilya Kuryakin. (TONY LAUGHS) TONY: The sweet smell of freedom! GIBBS: Mrs. Mallard? TONY: Sleeping. Her usual afternoon fistful of Wild Turkey. Her last words to me were either "I'm going to slit your throat" or "kiss your moat." I couldn't tell because she was slurring. GIBBS: That's good work, Tony. TONY: Thank you, boss. So who's taking over for me now? GIBBS: Kate's on protection detail with Ducky. TONY: Yeah. GIBBS: McGee's going with me to interview the guy who delivered the barrel. TONY: Yeah. GIBBS: I guess that leaves you. TONY: Me? Boss, I just spent all day playing furniture mover for this slightly demented old lady and her pack of yapping hounds. GIBBS: They're not hounds, DiNozzo. They're Corgis! TONY: No, Boss! No, Boss! I'm on the verge, man! McGee? (SFX: CAR STARTS) TONY: (SHOUTS) Boss, I'm going to go postal! I'm not kidding! I'm this close! (SFX: DOGS BARK) TONY: Here's Tony! Come on. Here you go. Guys, come on. We've got treats in the house. In the house! We've got treats. Good boy, Tyson. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SCRAP YARD - DAY WILSON: Are you going to badge me? That's what they say on T.V. GIBBS: NCIS. Naval Criminal Investigative Service. WILSON: I know what it stands for. I wasn't always in the junk business. U.S.S. Forestal. Machinist's Mate First Class. GIBBS: Are you Jeffrey Wilson? WILSON: This is about that barrel, ain't it? I knew that deal was too good. GIBBS: Tell us about that. WILSON: Well, this dude comes in. He buys a few of those. GIBBS: Where'd you get them? WILSON: Back of plants, factories. They don't want 'em. I clean 'em up, resell 'em. GIBBS: Okay. Go on. WILSON: Well, the dude brings one of them back. It's got some kind of liquid in it 'cause I can hear it sloshing around. So first I thought it might be some stuff to make meth. He offers me two hundred bucks to messenger it someplace in Reston. MCGEE: Probably didn't give his real name. WILSON: No name, no address. He didn't tell me what was in it. And I didn't ask. GIBBS: I need you to come by the Navy Yard, sit down and describe him to a sketch artist. WILSON: Won't do no good. Dude always wore a hooded sweatshirt and shades. He could've been Elvis. What was in that barrel anyway? GIBBS: A meat puzzle. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) ABBY: Oh! Gibbs, you scared me. GIBBS: Come on, Abs. You sleep in a casket dressed in a funeral gown. ABBY: I don't always wear the gown. GIBBS: Too much information. What do we got here? ABBY: Straight to the point. That's our Gibbs. Okay, bottom line. The sicko that's killing everyone that sent Vincent Hanlan to jail is definitely not Vincent Hanlan. ABBY: Before Ducky went to see his mom, he checked the dental x-rays with those from the Maryland Correctional Adjustment Center. GIBBS: Vincent Hanlan is in the casket. ABBY: Every last inch of what is probably very rotting flesh at this point. GIBBS: What about a DNA testing? ABBY: Maryland incinerates all biological evidence three years after sentencing. GIBBS: Okay, find an earlier x-ray. Before he went to prison. ABBY: Before? Before. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MALLARD HOME - DAY (DOOR OPENS) DUCKY: Mother, I'm home! KATE: Your dogs. DUCKY: Not just dogs, Kate. Welsh Corgis. In Wales the Corgi was the protector of the farmer. Now they protect my mother. That's Tyson. KATE: Because he thinks he's a boxer? DUCKY: No, because he bites. The bedrooms are upstairs, of course. Mine's there. You could use the guest room. KATE: I won't be sleeping, Ducky. DUCKY: Of course. KATE: Where's your mother's room? DUCKY: Oh, she sleeps down here now. KATE: It must be difficult for her to get up the stairs at her age. DUCKY: It has nothing to do with stairs, Caitlyn. Her snoring is deafening. She kept me awake all night. She'll keep you awake, too. Hello. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DINING ROOM - DAY (SFX: HAIRDRYER B.G.) DUCKY: Hello?(DOOR OPENS) VICTORIA: There you are, Contessa. You're beautiful. (SFX: KATE LAUGHS) KATE: Oh Tony, you finally found your true calling. DUCKY: Mother, may I present Caitlyn. She works with Tony and me. (SFX: VICTORIA SPITS) DUCKY: Mother! We talked about this! Caitlyn is here to protect us. VICTORIA: Show me your knickers. KATE: Um... Ma'am? VICTORIA: Your underwear, missy. One can always tell a woman's intention from her panties. TONY: That's always been my philosophy. DUCKY: I do apologize. Come along, Mother! Time to get dinner ready. VICTORIA: Haven't I had dinner? DUCKY: No you haven't. VICTORIA: Well, use butter tonight. You always use bacon fat. DUCKY: I use canola oil. VICTORIA: I can tell that, too. TONY: Sometimes older people can make so much sense. KATE: You're relieved, Tony. TONY: Oh, god. Okay, this is Contessa. She likes it rough. KATE: Good night, Tony. TONY: Yeah, look at the time. I've got to meet Steven for a beer. Hate to be late. So much to catch up on. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Vincent Hanlan's dental x-rays just arrived from medical school. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: McGee, you're with me. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: These x-rays were taken at Vincent Hanlan's autopsy. And these were eleven years ago in medical school. And if you look closely, you can see a perceptible difference due to molar wear, which is highly unusual given the short span of years, at least in modern man. In Neolithic man, who used to gnaw a lot of bones, you know, it could incur these kinds of... GIBBS: Are you telling me these x-rays match? JIMMY: I'm afraid so. The fillings in the upper third molar and second bicuspid are identical, as are the shape of the teeth. GIBBS: He gnaws on bones like a caveman? JIMMY: I can't explain that. MCGEE: He grinds his teeth, boss. I did it as a kid in my sleep. Had to wear a special retainer at night. ABBY: You still should. GIBBS: I want Vincent Hanlan's body exhumed. JIMMY: Why? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that, Sir. It just... it just spewed out. GIBBS: Abby, call Mount Ephraim Cemetery. McGee, you're with me. You dig up that body! ABBY: Love to! JIMMY: He's supposed to get a judge's authorization. He didn't even give us a reason why! ABBY: Well, obviously Gibbs doesn't think that Hanlan is dead. JIMMY: He is dead. Dental x-rays don't lie. ABBY: Well, either Gibbs is wrong or Hanlan is one of the dead that still walks at night. JIMMY: Okay, well then Gibbs is wrong. Isn't he? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: DOG BARKS O.S.) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE WALKS THROUGH THE HOUSE) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. YARD - NIGHT KATE: Mrs. Mallard? Mrs. Mallard.(SFX: DOG CONTINUES BARKING B.G.) VICTORIA: Sneaking off after having your fun. Just as I knew you would. KATE: No, it's not like that, Mrs. Mallard. Now please, I need you to take your dog and go back inside. VICTORIA: That's not my dog. KATE: Of course it's yours. Now, please, Mrs. Mallard! VICTORIA: I've never seen that dog before in my life. I only have Corgis. KATE: Get back inside now! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MALLARD HOME - NIGHT KATE: (SHOUTS) Ducky! Ducky! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT (KATE RUNS FROM THE HOUSE) (SFX: CAR DOOR CLOSES) (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) KATE: (SHOUTS) Ducky! (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Gibbs, I'm sorry. GIBBS: It's my fault. Two agents... KATE: Excuse me? GIBBS: Two protectees. I should have had two agents. You were as responsible for the mother as you were for Ducky. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: Boss! Abby says the tire tracks from the van were made from Uniroyal Laredos. They're standard on Chevy Express cargo vans. MCGEE: Both the funeral home and the taxidermy business own Chevrolet Express Cargo vans. GIBBS: That's good enough for a search authorization. TONY: On it. GIBBS: Tony, you and Kate take the turkey stuffing brother. McGee, come on. You're with me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY MARY HANLAN: You have no right to invade my home and my business. MCGEE: Actually, that search warrant says we do, Ma'am. MARY HANLAN: Don't Ma'am me you simpering wimp! MCGEE: No, Ma'am. GIBBS: Unlock this door. MCGEE: Ma'am, if you impede our search in any way, you will be charged with obstruction. GIBBS: That's not the way to do this. I have the right to break down that door, and anything in my way. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CREMATORIUM - DAY MARY HANLAN: Are you satisfied? GIBBS: No. McGee, take a scraping from inside. One son beats a young woman to death, the other one plays with dead animals. I wonder where they get that. MARY HANLAN: From their mother. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: Same teeth. Vincent Hanlan's corpse matches his autopsy x-rays. ABBY: Teeth don't lie, Jimmy. (BEAT) What? JIMMY: Do you think... you could get a blood type from the nerve tissue in this tooth? ABBY: If I can rehydrate it. What are you thinking? JIMMY: I'm thinking something crazy, Abby. ABBY: Crazy is good. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. COFFIN STORAGE ROOM - DAY (SFX: SCREW GUN B.G.) MCGEE: It's heavier. Definitely something in this one. MARY HANLAN: Mister Goldberg. He's being buried in the morning. GIBBS: Check underneath Mister Goldberg. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE SEARCHES THE CASKET) MCGEE: There's nothing. MARY HANLAN: I'll inform the Goldbergs their grandfather was frisked by NCIS in his coffin. They're litigators. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TRUCK PULLS AWAY FROM THE HOME) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY MCGEE: Boss, the van is on the way to the garage for forensics. What next? MARY HANLAN: Why don't you just admit that you made a mistake and get the hell out of here. (SFX: PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) No joy, Boss. We've looked under every furry creature and inside a couple. Ducky's not here. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I knew you'd find something, DiNozzo. That's good work, Tony. You bring him in for interrogation. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Did you hear what I said, Boss? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah! Yeah, I heard you. (CHUCKLES) Let's go, McGee.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) MCGEE: What'd they find? (DOOR OPENS/CLOSES) FRED: Jonathan called. They're searching his shop, too. MARY HANLAN: What do they think, he's stuffed their precious doctor? FRED: Mary, we should do something to prevent... MARY HANLAN: Fred... Fred. Shh... shh... shh. Don't start thinking now. You're far too old for that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY JONATHAN: I already told you. GIBBS: Tell me again. JONATHAN: We crashed into a tree. GIBBS: Vincent was driving? JONATHAN: Yes. GIBBS: You jumped out of the car? JONATHAN: That's right. GIBBS: You didn't even attempt to help your brother? JONATHAN: The car was on fire. I was in a daze. GIBBS: But you didn't even try. JONATHAN: It was too hot! There was no way I could get to him. GIBBS: What did your mother think about that? JONATHAN: I wouldn't know. We don't talk. We haven't spoken since that night. GIBBS: Yeah? Why is that? JONATHAN: He was her favorite. GIBBS: She blames you for his death. If my friend dies, I'll blame you, too. KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Gibbs, Jimmy Palmer .... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KATE: ...and Abby need to see you. (DOOR OPENS) JIMMY: I pulled one of Vincent Hanlan's teeth and gave it to Abby. ABBY: We did a blood analysis of the nerve tissue and compared it to the blood type of the tissue from the corpse. ABBY AND JIMMY: (IN UNISON) They didn't match. JIMMY: These are Vincent Hanlan's teeth, but they were put into this jaw. This body is not Vincent Hanlan's. ABBY: I did a gas chromatograph and I found traces of Cyanoacrylate on the bottom of the-- GIBBS: In a language I speak, Abby. ABBY: There is Super Glue on the root of the tooth. JIMMY: Just a drop. It would never show up on an x-ray. KATE: So the teeth were pulled from Vincent's mouth? JIMMY: One by one. And then they were glued back into this jaw. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Homo sapien. Reconstruction category. Someone took your brother's teeth and put them in that skull. JONATHAN: It wasn't me. It was them. It's always them. GIBBS: Your mother and Vincent? JONATHAN: Vincent was drunk the night he slammed into that tree. We got out just before it burst into flames. When we got home, Mother had a car crash body laid out on the embalming table. Closed-casket job. She came up with the idea of giving Vincent a new life. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: He's got to be telling the truth. KATE: Why? TONY: Who would make that up? JONATHAN: (MUFFLED) After she extracted Vincent's teeth and put them in the car-crash body... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY JONATHAN: She burnt the corpse beyond recognition. GIBBS: Where is Vincent? JONATHAN: (CRYING) With Mother. He's always with Mother. GIBBS: We already searched the funeral home. JONATHAN: Look harder! GIBBS: Is Doctor Mallard there? JONATHAN: Probably. GIBBS: They don't keep you informed? JONATHAN: They have lots of secrets. Terrible secrets with each other. GIBBS: You call your mother, Jonathan. You tell her we've released you. You tell her that everything is okay now, that we had run into a dead end. You convince her, Jonathan. If you don't, I will tear every tooth out of your skull! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. STORAGE ROOM - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY GIBBS: I got a light. TONY: Let's go. GIBBS: Wait. TONY: For what? GIBBS: Let them get Ducky out of wherever they've been hiding him. TONY: Now? GIBBS: Not yet. Okay, get into positions. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. EMBALMING ROOM - NIGHT VINCENT: It'll only take four minutes to drain your blood. Versus eight years in the same cell, twenty four hours a day. MARY HANLAN: He's getting off easy, Angel. (SFX: DUCKY'S MUFFLED CRIES B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. FUNERAL HOME - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/DOOR CRASHES OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT GIBBS: Where are they? MCGEE: Turn around! Hands out! He's clean. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. EMBALMING ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Get back! (SFX: MUFFLED DUCKY CRIES CONTINUE) GIBBS: Move back or you're dead! Tony? DUCKY: My hands. Release my hands! Get me something to stop the bleeding! KATE: Hands in the air! VINCENT: I can't go back there. MARY HANLAN: Just do what they say, Vincent. GIBBS: Turn around! Face the wall! MARY HANLAN: Just do it. VINCENT: I love you, Mother, but I can't do this again! MARY HANLAN: (SCREAMS) No! No! My god, no! Oh my god no! No god, they killed my son! KATE: Come on, let's go!(MARY SOBS HYSTERICALLY) DUCKY: You're the one that got off easy, my boy. What kept you? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT TONY: The mother finally give a statement? GIBBS: Yeah, short one. Two words. TONY: So, you seeing my frat brother tonight? KATE: As a matter of fact, I am. Steven feels bad. Said he'd like to make it up to me. TONY: How's he going to do that? KATE: By telling me things about you. TONY: Never gonna happen. The Fraternal oath is sacred. KATE: Some things are even more sacred, Tony.

After several months, Ducky and Jimmy finally start identifying the bodies in the meat puzzle they have been working on. It is not long before Ducky realizes that the victims all played a part in a trial in which he himself testified: the court case of a would-be medical examiner named Vincent Hanlon. Hanlon was accused of raping and murdering a young Navy lieutenant, and was eventually jailed for eight years as a result. They soon discover that the dead men were involved in the case, and it dawns on Gibbs that Ducky might be the next target. It appears that whoever has already carried out the gruesome killings is out for revenge against those who were involved in the case. Tony and Kate are assigned to protection detail, which means safeguarding Ducky and his elderly mother, but Kate makes a split-second mistake that leads to Ducky being kidnapped from his home during the night. The team must race against time to find him before he ends up dead like all the other previous victims. Meanwhile, Jimmy and Abby begin working together and uncover a surprising revelation: Vincent Hanlon, who is thought to have died in a car crash, is not actually dead. The corpse's teeth match Hanlon's, while the body belongs to someone else.

fd_Mars_01x05

fd_Mars_01x05_0

Javier Delgado: Previously on Mars. Ed Grann: We at MMC feel that we're ready to go faster. Hana Seung: Phase two expansion was underway and the Cyngus crew had arrived with experts to oversee our upgrades. Base commander Hana Seung. We had hoped to have the second facility up by now, but we've been running into trouble every step of the way. Leslie Richardson: Within two months we'll have enough power to double the size and capacity of your facilities. Marta Kamen: Hana approved this? Leslie Richardson: I informed her yes. Joon Seung: It's a little too ambitious right now. Ed Grann: You don't go to Mars without ambition. Hana Seung: No matter how hard Ed Grann's team worked to expand Olympus town's infrastructure, Mars worked even harder to tear it down. Javier Delgado: Oliver! Hana Seung: And I was caught in the middle, trying to keep us alive. Ed Grann: Our dream is now a reality. Hana Seung: They don't know Mars. Robert Foucault: I don't think we're going to get a chance to get that reactor back online. [Theme music plays] [SCENE_BREAK] Mae: Pressurization complete, perprolate deposits detected. Please sanitize before entry. Hana Seung: Seung Hana, mission entry phase 2. We've been in full storm protocol for the last two months, trying to budget the power and resources we have. The way current satellite forecasts are looking it could be anywhere between 5 to 8, 9 weeks before the storm passes. There's no sign of relief. Experiments have been put on hold. All EVA's suspended. The days seem like they go on forever, filled with innane tasks and darkness. Sam: And no grown-up will ever understand... That this is a matter of so much importance! My grandfather used to read me this book on long blizzard nights. I hope this storm ends before I have the whole thing memorized. Hana Seung: We never had a chance to bring the nuclear reactor back online after Oliver's accident. The redundancies are gone and we're on backup power. I don't like running like this, it means we're just one complication away from a complete outage. Dr. Leslie Richardson may be overseeing Olympus town's infrastructure now, but I'm still responsible for the safety of everyone in it. Paul Richardson: Two brothers. Leslie Richardson: Nick. Paul Richardson: Twins. Leslie Richardson: That grow light can you just take it out. Paul Richardson: And their father king. [Mumbles] Hana Seung: Doctor. Leslie Richardson: This is not a good time, sorry. Hana Seung: We have to start rationing power. Leslie Richardson: These lamps were inadequate to begin with and now we're only utilizing fifty percent of their potential output. Paul Richardson: We barely have the power to keep the feed systems running. I'm struggling to keep the crop yield as it was 2 months ago. Hana Seung: I know. The solar arrays are useless in the storm. We have to reserve power for critical systems. If we hadn't taken the nuclear reactor offline before the storm, I've instructed Robert to dial the greenhouse power down to one-quarter output. Paul Richardson: Please. They're only babies. Hana Seung: I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. Paul Richardson: Would you leave me alone, please? Hana Seung: Of course. Paul Richardson: I'm sorry... Truly sorry. Hana Seung: With Robert squeezing every last bit of energy out of our reserves, we were all just hanging on, as we tried to weather the storm. Jim Green: We've been studying the dust storms on Mars for quite some time, and there's a particular season where some of the dust storms can actually go global. Not just regional, but global. Dust storms on Mars can be absolutely enormous. They can be 20 to 30 kilometers high, and in fact the dust can get charged and in the case of these really tall dust storms, lightning can strike. Andy Weir: These dust storms are huge. They can cover the entire planet, and they can last for months. They're visible from space. Mars just kind of turns into a hazy, red ball, and we can't see surface features anymore with our satellites. The dust, it's not like sand. It's like talcum powder. It's very, very microscopicly small nasty dust particles. And if they get into your lungs, it's a human safety issue. So you would want to try to keep it out as much as possible. Stephen Petranek: There's a lot of dust on Mars. You know we've learned from our rovers on Mars that they're constantly getting covered in dust. And one of the problems with solar panels is that dust would cover them almost instantly, or they would simply block out the Sun so much that they don't work. If you've got a dust storm that lasted for a month on Mars, and you were relying on solar power you'd be in big trouble. Paul Richardson: We have no energy and I can't keep my plants alive. [Thunder] This storm has been raging for months. They call it a season. I can't do my job. Board member: You told us that we were sending the best minds on earth, doubling the power, expanding the infrastructure, these people have been trapped in a dust storm for two months with a third of the power they had before you had your prodigy shut it down. Ed Grann: This storm is just a bump in the road. We have the world's leading agronomist working around the clock. He's getting hybrids producing, and that will make Olympus town self-sustaining. That means Mars will have the resources to feed thousands of people, and those people are going to need rockets to get there. We own the hybrids, and we build the rockets. We just have to play the long game. Paul Richardson: She left, she left, but not you. It's gonna be ok. These are the times that try men's souls. Amelie Durand: Paul Richardson please report to the medlab. Paul Richardson please report to the medlab. Ava Lee: But this storm. Amelie Durand: I know. Dr. Richardson, please come in. Paul Richardson: Look, if this is a bad time, I've got a lot of work to do. Amelie Durand: No, no, no. We'll talk more at next week's session, and I'm here in the meantime whenever you need me, okay? Come in. Just a quick examination and you'll be on your way. This storm, it's getting to everyone. How are you holding up? Paul Richardson: I'm fine. Amelie Durand: You prepare for everything you can, but there are some things you just cannot train for. Are you missing home? Paul Richardson: No. Amelie Durand: That would be okay, you know. To miss home. It would be normal, even. Paul Richardson: I'm okay. Amelie Durand: And your wife, how are things with you and her? Paul Richardson: We're working mostly. Look, I could really. Amelie Durand: And how is the work? The hybrids, how are they coming along? Paul Richardson: They're trying. They're really trying. Amelie Durand: Hey. I know it's hard especially now, but maybe the best thing is to take a little time away from the work and refill the well. Paul Richardson: Okay, thank you. Amelie Durand: Thank you. Paul Richardson: I couldn't save them. They weren't strong enough. They died so that you could live. It's all on you. It's all on you. We're going to be strong. Just remember, we have it in our power to start the world over again. [Lightning strikes] We have the power. Robert Foucault: God bless Mars. Stephen Petranek: Mars sounds like a terrifically romantic idea, what could be a greater adventure? The realities of this adventure are almost depressing, and they're significant. There are a lot of challenges involved in surviving in a very small spacecraft with a few other human beings for eight months at a time and then being able to deal with the idea that you're not going back to earth for possibly decades. So that you're leaving everything behind, and maintaining a psychological balance in what is really a vast desert and unfriendly environment is not going to be easy for people. Neil Degrasse Tyson: It's always wise to test what you're about to do, in advance. You wanna live on Mars isolated? Create some kind of hab module on earth, test that in advance. Tristan Bassingthwaighte: We've been here just over seven months and we've got just under five to go so it's like 140 something days left, um, it's been a long time. Kim Binsted: Hi-Seas is a NASA-funded research analog and simulation. It's located at about 8,000 feet on the slopes of Mauna Loa here on Hawaii so the crews we put there are very isolated. The goal of Hi-Seas is to be as close as possible to a Mars mission, so that means we put a lot of constraints on the crew. Andy Weir: Groups of people living together is what civilization is, we're very good at it. Interestingly the biggest problem is when you have a small group of people. Andrzej Stewart: So you'll notice there are only four crew members here, and well here are the other, here are the other two. Andy Weir: You have a small number of people, the, the biggest risk to the mission's success is those people not getting along. And even if they're very, very professional about it, if they're not getting along and they're not communicating enough, there's going to be problems. Mary Roach: Talk to people that have been in prison, the lack of control over your environment and your life is stressful, to not be able to just do what you want to do when you want to do it is a, a stressor. This is what it will be like to be on a Mars mission. Andrzej Stewart: I know that we face far less danger than a Mars mission, and that's ok. This is a simulation just like any other simulation but these aren't just simulated effects, these are real. You really are isolated, you really do feel separated from planet earth and this is the part of the simulation that NASA is interested in. Kim Binsted: What we're concerned with is how resilient are the crew, if you think about it, the human part of a Mars mission is just as critical as the technological part. If the human part breaks, it's just as disastrous as if the rocket blows up. [Sighs] Robert Foucault: How's it going Emmanuel? I, I know that I haven't been around a lot. I've been working really hard. Systems are all experiencing losses and moving slowly. We are trying to work together as a team, some days are good, some days are rough and it's ok, you know, I never realized how hard it was trying to hold it together. Just be tough. Just be tough. Paul Richardson: I can't keep the plants alive at this level. Leslie Richardson: I know. What do you want me to say? We should have been at twice the power now at least. So I don't know what else to say. Paul Richardson: And no one anticipated a storm of this magnitude? Leslie Richardson: Of course not. That storm was moving faster than anything we've ever monitored this early in the season. How could we? The plan was there. There's nothing else we can do at this point. Let's face it. Ugh, god, really? Do you even try to tidy up before you come home? I mean, I did my job. The team's training was impeccable, the plan was bulletproof, it should have worked! We should have had nuclear fully up and running by now. Before we even got here. Do you think I don't feel awful that Oliver got hurt? It's constantly on my mind. Did you know sometimes I feel as if people are not really looking at me as I pass them in the hall? Paul, darling? [SCENE_BREAK] Amelie Durand: Also showing emotional strain is Dr. Richardson, Paul J. While Richardson reports no psychological issues, his affect and behavior with the crew is, I request psychiatric consultation and review of prior and current mental health testing. Please send all records via private med link. Thanks. Robert Foucault: The lightning strike must have blown a junction box between Olympus and the reserve power station. Javier Delgado: Every second that passes we're draining batteries just keeping air breathable and heat running. Sam: I've got Mae back online in the main terminal. Hana Seung: Mae, what's the status on critical systems? Mae: Climate recycling rate decreased to 75% nominal. Current rate of temperature decline three degrees celsius per hour. Robert Foucault: I have to make repairs. Hana Seung: There's no way I'm sending anyone out there, it's way too dangerous. Amelie Durand: There's no visibility, you'll be completely blind. Javier Delgado: We'll take the Rover, get as close as we can. Robert Foucault: It'll be slow going, but it's the only shot we have. Javier Delgado: It is. Hana Seung: All right, good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] Ed Grann: Hey, I've been calling. Joon Seung: I'm sorry, I've had my hands full, two and a half months in a dust storm means clean-up down here too. Walk with me. Ed Grann: I want to talk to you about increasing freighter launches, our assembly line can handle it. Joon Seung: I'm still doing damage control after losing power in the middle of a dust storm, and you want to talk to me about freighters? The nations are getting cold feet, Ed. This is a public relations exercise, and the public sentiment is as low as it's ever been. China is talking about pulling out. Ed Grann: Don't worry about that. As long as the U.S. and E.U. stay on board, no way China risks missing out on the glory down the road. Joon Seung: Olympus town was ready for this storm; the nuclear reactor was operational before you gambled on an accelerated schedule. Your expansion plan was science fiction. Ed Grann: The money doesn't come without expansion. No money, no MMC; No MMC, no mission. It was the right play. Joon Seung: This isn't some lush frontier land. They are fighting for every step of the way. If we push too hard too fast, something's going to break. Mae: Interference detected in all navigational systems. Javier Delgado: The electrostatics are whacking guidance to hell. I can't see anything. Robert Foucault: We can triangulate that down to a seven and a half meter-discrepancy. Javier Delgado: Good thing I came to help. Robert Foucault: When I was a child, the Harmattan wind would blow into Lagos from the Sahara. Sand storms would cover the whole city, sometimes all the way to the ocean. People would lose their way, turn up kilometers out, skin raw from sand burn, lungs filled with dust. You'll have plenty to do when we find that junction box just making sure I don't get lost out there. Believe me, I am grateful for the company. Javier Delgado: Do you still think about it, the ocean? Robert Foucault: Every day. Trouble is, every time it's like the waves are getting a little quieter. Javier Delgado: Like someone's turning down the volume. Robert Foucault: Yeah, last week I realized I couldn't even remember what the ocean sounded like. Javier Delgado: Yeah. Robert Foucault: We're going to be okay. Javier Delgado: You sure about that? Robert Foucault: Well, I hope so. [Laughter] [Mumbling] Paul Richardson: Let's talk of groves of warmth, look at you, look at you. You are so strong. Oh, well done, you clever, clever thing. How about I introduce you to your brothers? For god's sake let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings. How some have been deposed, some slain in war, some haunted by the ghosts they have deposed. Some poisoned by their wives and... [Inaudible] You are gonna love this. This is going to be a treat just for you. Botanist, my ass. Amelie Durand: Leslie! Leslie Richardson: Oh, look, I'm up to date on weekly so if this is supplemental, I can save you the trouble: I miss home, but I'm not homesick; I don't ever think of hurting myself or anyone else; I'm not experiencing any more stress than anyone would under the circumstances, and the only voices in my head are the ones telling me to get back to work. Amelie Durand: I'm not worried about you. I spoke to Paul and he seemed, distant. Leslie Richardson: He's just focused. Amelie Durand: I checked his ration allotment and he's hardly eating. Leslie Richardson: He forgets sometimes. Look, he lives for his work and he can't do it. What do you expect? Can I go now? Amelie Durand: Yeah, sure. David Dinges: We don't think it's a trivial thing to send people off to Mars and just assume that intelligence and motivation and getting along before they go is going to be enough. We actually have to understand who is going to have a real problem with prolonged exploration in an extreme environment. Not everyone can tolerate the isolation, the loneliness, the risk. To life and limb. Some people disintegrate psychologically and behaviorally and you look back at many of the explorations where humans moved where humans moved across thousands of miles you typically will see dysfunction occur in crews. It happened on shackleton's mission to the south pole. He puts his men off at elephant island and tries to get to South Georgia island, 800 miles in heavy seas. But he's got a very dysfunctional carpenter, psychologically sick, so he has to take him along cause he can't leave him with the crew because it's going to create chaos. On Mars, just like the nineteenth century explorers, you might see fragmenting of the crews and you find these dynamics in these historical records and you see how problematic they are for the success of the mission. Marta Kamen: Someone wrote this at the end of the fourth century, St. Augustine. My memory contains my feelings. Not in the same way as they are present in the mind when it experiences them, but in a quite different way. That is in keeping with the special powers of the memory. For even when I am unhappy I can remember times when I was cheerful. And when I'm cheerful I can remember past unhappiness. I can recall past fears, and yet not feel afraid and when I remember that once I wanted something, I can do so without wishing to have it now. Amelie Durand: Marty? Look at me in the eyes. Marta Kamen: Sometimes memory can induce the opposite feeling. Amelie Durand: Jake, are you still taking your antibiotics? Marta Kamen: For I can be glad to remember sorrow that is over and done with. Amelie Durand: Alex, feeling better? Alex: Yes, yes thank you. Marta Kamen: And sorry to remember happiness that has come to an end. [SCENE_BREAK] [High winds] Javier Delgado: Anything? Okay, just a second. Okay, I got your signal. Junction box should be less than five meters out, six degrees north-east. Anything? Robert Foucault: Negative. Javier Delgado: You should be seeing the cable now. Robert Foucault: I have no visual. Javier Delgado: Robert it's... [Static] Robert Foucault: You're breaking up, Javier. I can't hear you. Javier Delgado: What? Robert Foucault: Storm's interfering with the signal. Javier, Javier? Javier Delgado: Robert, do you copy? Robert Foucault: Hello, Javier? Javier Delgado: I said it's dead ahead, dead ahead. Robert Foucault: Copy that. [Wind gusting] Damn it. Javier Delgado: You okay? Robert, you okay? Robert? Robert Foucault: I'm out of room on my tether. Javier Delgado: Okay, Robert. You need to come back to the Rover. I can't move the Rover any farther forward because of the terrain. It's too dangerous out there with this storm. So we can't risk it. Come back. Robert, you need to come back. Robert Foucault: I'm going to unclip. Javier Delgado: No, no, no, no, Robert, do not unclip. Do not unclip, Robert. Come back. Robert, Robert, do you copy? Do not unclip Robert! Robert, answer me. Robert, do not unclip. Can you hear me Robert? Robert Foucault: Where are you? Javier Delgado: Robert, come on. Robert! Come on, Robert. Robert, I need you, come back here. Robert, Robert! David Dinges: The challenge people face when they do exploration is that they're used to handling conflict or disagreement or dislike with each other by separating, and being apart for awhile. With spaceflight, or any exploration that involves intense confinement, where you can't get away from the other people, and you're all in a very tiny space. The whole idea of individual territoriality becomes a problem. This sounds astonishing. Billion dollar explorations and yet it comes down to the little things that will often determine what happens. These things definitely occur, they occur in the antarctic, and they occur in other analogs. The Russians created something called a Mars 500 Mission which was a 520 day full simulation of a crew of 6 to Mars and back. Man: They will live as if they were in an interplanetary spaceship. They will eat, sleep, and train as if they were real astronauts. David Dinges: They sealed the crew in the chamber and isolated them so you couldn't have social contact, and then they held the crew to not only the time delays, but to a full simulated mission to Mars so there was a landing on the martian surface simulated, and it was many, many months, and to go to the bottom line, out of 6 crew members, 2 managed to maintain stable activity levels and were psychologically healthy. Four other crew members experienced problems with mood, emotion, impulsivity, insomnia. These were people who were astronaut trainers and physicians so they knew about space life. Even with that kind of a skilled and analog crew that is close to astronauts, you find the crew is suffering. We don't understand why people equally trained and equally intelligent, equally capable as astronauts will have different rates of vulnerability. We actually have to understand who is going to have a real problem in space flight because ultimately there are some people who are going to have a really hard time. [Gusting winds] Javier Delgado: Robert, come on Robert, talk to me. Robert Foucault: Where are you? Javier Delgado: Come back here. Robert do you copy? Robert, please, talk to me Robert, do you copy? Robert, do you copy? Robert, Robert! [Mumbles in spanish] Robert Foucault: Found it. Javier Delgado: What, you found it? Robert Foucault: I found the cable. Javier Delgado: Jesus, yeah, man. You scared the hell out of me. [Mumbles in spanish] Robert Foucault: I'm here. Javier Delgado: How bad is it? Robert Foucault: Looks like my ex-wife's cooking. Javier Delgado: The chef? Robert Foucault: The lawyer. Javier Delgado: Yeah, I can imagine, man. Can you fix it? Robert Foucault: The junction box is gonna take some work. But I can do it, I can fix it. Javier Delgado: Good job, good job. [Laughter] Joon Seung: Hana, you doing ok? We spend all this time looking for something greater than us, something that'll bring us all together, but what if it's not even there? I used to think the struggle was enough. But lately, I'm having a hell of a time imagining sisyphus happy. Hana, I'm "running out"; I miss you so much. I want you to come home. Okay? I want you to come home. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cheering and applause] Hana Seung: Finally, when we thought it could only get darker, there was light. [SCENE_BREAK] Mae: Power restored. Solar power back online. [Cheering and applause] Mae: Eastern section systems fully online. Environmental systems restored. Thermal control restored. Recycling systems restored. Central section systems fully online. Western section systems fully online. Greenhouse systems fully online. [SCENE_BREAK] Oliver Lee: Commander Seung, please come to the facility monitors immediately. Commander Seung, please come to the facility monitors now. Hana Seung: Oliver, what's going on? Oliver Lee: It's Paul Richardson. Hana Seung: What is he doing? [SCENE_BREAK] Leslie Richardson: Paul! Mae: Greenhouse airlock compromised. Imminent danger. Hana Seung: Sam, get to the pressure door immediately! Evacuate the west section now! Mae: Imminent danger, imminent danger. Hana Seung: Sam, seal the door. Mae: Imminent danger. Sam: There are people in there! Leslie Richardson: Move! Hana Seung: Sam you have to seal the door. Mae: Imminent danger. Hana Seung: Seal the door! Oliver Lee: Shut the door! Mae: West section jeopardized. Imminent danger. [Screams] [Alarms] Mae: East wing pressure stabilized. [Quiet sob]

In 2037, 8 weeks into the dust storm, the colony is on lockdown. Psychological pressure takes its toll as the crew is trapped in the habitat. The dust storm is in its 2nd month and the base commander has to ration power. The temperature in the habitat has dropped and the doctor is checking all crew members. A botanist who loses his grip with reality, due to the decimation of his crops and the disintegration of his marriage, opens an airlock killing himself and several others. In 2016, NASA performed the simulation " HI-SEAS " mission in Mauna Loa, Hawaii to test the effects of isolation and the psychology of a crew living closely together for a period of 12 months.

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[Before the teaser there is a montage of scenes from previous episodes.] INT DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN LORELAI: Morning, everyone. [The kitchen staff groans] What's wrong? Uh-oh, food funk? FRED: Major. LORELAI: Are we talking the "Swiss chard a la polonaise" level funk from last may, the pfannkuchen experiment of aught-five? FRED: Two thousand one pigeons a La Ni oise. LORELAI: Pigeons a La Ni oise? Oh, boy. [walking over to Sookie] Sookie? SOOKIE: You mean, Sucky! LORELAI: What's up? SOOKIE: Tell you what's up, you know what this is? LORELAI: An oyster? SOOKIE: An oyster, fresh huh? LORELAI: Looks fresh to me. SOOKIE: I mean, the idea, nice and fresh. LORELAI: Sure. SOOKIE: It isn't! LORELAI: What isn't SOOKIE: Fresh. LORELAI: The oyster? SOOKIE: You're not listening. LORELAI: I am too. SOOKIE: Then what am I saying? LORELAI: No idea. SOOKIE: How long have we been married? LORELAI: Nine years? SOOKIE: I'm experimenting for the prefix menu for Valentine's Day next week, trying to come up with something new, but there's nothing new under the sun. I mean who else would think to serve oysters on Valentine's Day? Hmm, I don't know, maybe 12,000 other establishments within spitting distance! LORELAI: Well, lovers love oysters. I don't. I love burritos, people don't want burritos on Valentine's Day. SOOKIE: How do we know unless we give them the option, huh? That's it! I'll serve burritos! LORELAI: Sookie, no. SOOKIE: No one else will have burritos. LORELAI: Sookie, you can't serve Valentine's Day burritos, that's flirting with disaster. We could be talking the octopus-ice-cream disaster of '98. SOOKIE: God, you're right. I'll figure it out. I'm just hitting an oyster wall here. Okay, take a break, guys. We'll resume in a bit. LORELAI: So um, what are you and Jackson doing for Valentine's Day, huh any plans? SOOKIE: Well, after I finish up here, I'll go home, and Jackson, wonderful man that he is, will have made a lovely meal and opened up a bottle of Syrah and lit a candle. And then he and the kids and I will have a nice, romantic meal together. [Giggles] What about you? LORELAI: Oh, I'll be here. SOOKIE: What? No, you'll be with Luke. LORELAI: Yeah, but we'll probably just hang out. We don't have a reservation anyplace for dinner. I'm sure everything's booked. SOOKIE: Uh, hello. I'm a chef. I know other chefs. I can get you into places. LORELAI: Maybe, Luke says Valentine's Day is just another one of those fake things, like mother's day, created by greeting-card companies, and it is. SOOKIE: Actually, it's not. LORELAI: Really? SOOKIE: I'm printing a history Valentine's Day to go on the tables. It goes back like 2,000 years. LORELAI: Oh, well, then, it must have been a greeting-card company in roman times, you know, the one that came up with gladiator's day. Anyway, no plans yet. MAN 2: Lorelai, excuse me, there's a Zydeco band here to see you. LORELAI: A what? MAN 2: A Zydeco band? LORELAI: Did I mishear him twice? SOOKIE: Then I did, too. LORELAI: Come on. [Sookie Giggles as they walk to the dinning room] INT DRAGONFLY INN - DINNING ROOM LORELAI: Hi, I'm Lorelai Gilmore. How can I help you guys? BOOZOO: I'm Boozoo. LORELAI: Boozoo, that's your name? Boozoo? BOOZOO: Boozoo Barnes and the Cajun Stompers! LORELAI: Sorry, I'm like a thousand miles behind here. BOOZOO: We set this up a while ago,the audition. Boozoo. LORELAI: Boozoo! You're that Boozoo. SOOKIE: You know more than one Boozoo? LORELAI: [To Sookie] I set this up myself. It was for the wedding. [To Boozoo] The audition. BOOZOO: The audition! SOOKIE: Oh, the wedding. BOOZOO: What you want to hear? LORELAI: Well it's like this Boozoo em, I don't need to hear you play because.... BOOZOO: oh, miss Gilmore, no, it's like this. When a zydeco band is at the instrument, they must play. LORELAI: But I... BOOZOO: "zydeco boogaloo," boys. 1, 2, 3, 4. [ Zydeco music plays ] LORELAI: And they're off. SOOKIE: Since when are you into Zydeco? LORELAI: I just thought it might be festive and funny. I was going to audition them and a Dixieland combo and Leled Zepagain. SOOKIE: Who? LORELAI: A led zeppelin cover band. SOOKIE: Oh. That's clever. LORELAI: It just slipped my mind. SOOKIE: June 3rd's coming up pretty quick, too, hon. LORELAI: I know, it is superquick. BOOZOO: [Music stops] You don't like the song? LORELAI: No, Boozoo, I love the song. BOOZOO: Lips say yes, face say no. "Early in the morning," boys. 1, 2, 3, 4. [ Zydeco music plays ] SOOKIE: Smile, or Boozoo may never go away. LORELAI: I'm smiling. SOOKIE: [ Chuckles ] LORELAI: Yeah. OPENING CREDITS INT LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Logan is waling up, OS door closes ] LOGAN: Hey. RORY: Hi. LOGAN: Why are you up? RORY: It's 11:04, the whole world is up. LOGAN: Keith Richard isn't up. Pete Doherty isn't up. RORY: Rory Gilmore is up. LOGAN: She shouldn't be. You're making me dizzy. RORY: I forgot my Thucydides. LOGAN: Don't see how you can function without your Thucydides. RORY: Hey, I'm trying to squoosh four semesters into three. If I slow down, I'll get whoomped. LOGAN: How long you been up? RORY: Five hours, four cups of coffee, two bagels. LOGAN: No partridge, no pear tree? RORY: Okay, Thucydides did not just grow legs and walk away. LOGAN: Come back to bed! RORY: I can't. LOGAN: We see each other less since we've been living together. RORY: I know it seems that way. LOGAN: It is that way. RORY: We'll have time. LOGAN: Not unless we make time, let's go away this weekend. RORY: This weekend's bad. LOGAN: Every weekend's bad. RORY: This one is particularly bad. LOGAN: They're all bad. Now come on. It's Valentine's Day. RORY: That's not till next week. LOGAN: This weekend's Valentine's weekend. Come on let's go somewhere. RORY: I can't. LOGAN: Rory... RORY: No, even if I did get time away, I promised my mom I'd try to hang out with her, even if it was just for dinner. I haven't seen her in ages. LOGAN: But she doesn't kiss as good as I do. RORY: You don't know that. LOGAN: True. RORY: She's been down lately. I kinda want to cheer her up. LOGAN: Then invite her along. We can have a kissing contest. RORY: Bring my mother? LOGAN: Ah. And tell her to bring that guy she's with. What's his name? Luke? RORY: Really? You'd be up for that? LOGAN: Absolutely. RORY: Well I'd have to drop a lot of things. LOGAN: That's what things are for to be dropped. RORY: I'll think about it. LOGAN: Promise? RORY: Yes. Now you have to let me go. LOGAN: That's the worst offer I've gotten all day. [Logan kiss Rory on the cheek] Your Thucydides is on the pool table. RORY: Thank you! [Logan goes back to sleep.] YALE NEWSROOM [Newsroom is busy] RORY: I need every proof sheet on my desk by five o'clock and not a second later. Make that very clear to them, okay? JONI: Okay. RORY: I know the boys in the lab can be jerks to women, but don't let that stop you, girls power baby, Betty Friedan's dead, and we've all got to fill the vacuum. JONI: [Determined] You got it. RORY: Sorry, bill. BILL: No problem. Got all the time in the world. Let's see. How about "amphetamine use on campus"? RORY: Maybe, it would be ironic if my supply dried up based on an expos I approved. BILL: Are you serious? RORY: You leave your sense of humor at home? BILL: There's another protest over the Yale basic-cable-package fee. They're expecting 80 or so to gather. RORY: Doesn't warrant a story, get a photo and tell them all to go home and read a book. BILL: And professor Wallace wants a correction to the interview we printed with him. He wants to clarify that he, in fact, referred to his department's problems with the advisory board as an quote "us-and-them thing." End quote. RORY: What did we print? BILL: "S-and-m thing." RORY: [Giggling] Hmm, that's kind of funny. BILL: Now, the profile on Yale students from New Orleans, how things are back home for them, it'll be done this weekend. I could get a copy to you Sunday morning. RORY: Great. Uh, I mean, no. Wait till Monday. BILL: You sure? RORY: It's Valentine's Day weekend. We should all...take it easy, be with loved ones. You can make plans with that girlfriend of yours. BILL: She just dumped me. RORY: Linda dumped you? BILL: For another guy. It destroyed me. Absolutely destroyed me. That's why I've lost my sense of humor. Nothing's funny anymore. I had forgotten Valentine's Day was coming up. Wow. Oh, god, I hate my life. RORY: Right. See! This is why I hesitate to ask people about their social lives. BILL: I never do. RORY: Good man. BILL: I'll get on that New Orleans thing. [Rory picks up her cell phone and dial a number] INT DRAGONFLY INN, RECEPTION DESK. [ Zydeco band plays. Telephone rings ] LORELAI: Dragonfly inn. RORY: Hi, it's me. LORELAI: I'm sorry? RORY: It's me! LORELAI: Oh, hi, hon! RORY: What's with the flaming accordion in the background? LORELAI: Oh, it's my new friend, Boozoo, which is cajun for "won't leave." RORY: Explain. LORELAI: It's a zydeco band I'd arranged to audition for the wedding, and once they're holding their instruments, they can't not play and, apparently, they can't stop. Oh, they stopped. RORY: Good. LORELAI: I mean they haven't had food or water in two hours. It makes sense that they'd have to... BOOZOO: [OS] here comes the bride LORELAI: Torture me. RORY: Maybe you can get zydeco cops to come and stop them. LORELAI: I guess this is the last nail in the coffin of June 3rd. The cut-off day to get the deposit back on the hall just passed, too. RORY: Might be time to face the music, so to speak. LORELAI: You know anyone in the market for a wedding? It's planned and paid for. RORY: You'll have your wedding, eventually. LORELAI: I guess. RORY: Mom, you'll have your wedding. LORELAI: I don't know anymore. Luke's been so busy with April lately. I mean it's good and all. It's the right thing to do. She's his daughter. But I just... I'm bummed, kid. RORY: I know. Hey, what have you got planned for Valentine's Day weekend? LORELAI: Uh, this weekend? Nothing, surprise, surprise. Luke isn't really a Valentine's Day kind of guy. RORY: Well how would you like an all-expense-paid trip to Martha's Vineyard? LORELAI: Martha's vineyard? Really? RORY: Logan's family has a place up there. It's awesome. And I just cleared my schedule here at the paper, told them, "mama needs some time off." LORELAI: Good for mama. RORY: Go with us, you and Luke. LORELAI: Really? You've run this past Logan? RORY: It was his idea. LORELAI: I don't know if Luke would be up for it. RORY: We'll make him be up for it. I think he'd like it. It's beach, it's nature. I mean it'll be cold, but we can still walk outside. It's beautiful. LORELAI: I've always wanted to see the vineyard. RORY: Then force him to come, and if he's a sourpuss while he's there, you'll still have me. LORELAI: Okay, I'll talk to him. RORY: I'll e-mail you directions. Come anytime Friday. LORELAI: You've got room and all? Me and Luke plus five? RORY: Plus five? LORELAI: Well, I'm not coming without Boozoo and the boys. RORY: The more the merrier. LORELAI: Cool! Bye, hon. RORY: Bye. LORELAI: [Hangs up the phone, Boozoo is still singing "here comes the bride" Lorelai stands up and moves towards the dinning room] Boozoo, I'm going to need my dining room back. Boozoo! LORELAI'S (AND LUKE'S) HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is following Luke down the stairs, he is carrying some travel bags, Lorelai is reading from a sheet of paper.] LORELAI: Well there is all manner of outdoor activities to do in Martha's Vineyard, canoeing, snorkeling, sailing... LUKE: That's mostly summer stuff. It's the dead of winter. LORELAI: Hiking and walking, that's doable. LUKE: Yeah, I guess. Is this all just for this weekend? LORELAI: Plus these. LUKE: Isn't that way too much stuff? LORELAI: It is the dead of winter. The question is do you have enough? LUKE: Yeah, I brought enough. [Pointing to Lamp for Lorelai to turn on.] Burglar lamp. LORELAI: Ooh, and here, of course, is the big-time Martha's Vineyard thing, whaling. LUKE: They have whaling? LORELAI: Not anymore. It's just a fun fact. [Continues reading sheet] Martha's vineyard was one of the world's largest whaling ports. Says here people used every part of the whale back then, the most important being spermaceti, used in candle production. Yuck, couldn't think up a less gross substance to use for candles? LUKE: You know, it's a good thing I don't drive a compact. LORELAI: Herman Melville once shipped out of Martha's Vineyard. Here's a quote from "Moby Dick." "Oars, oars, grip your oars, and clutch your souls now. My god, pull, men!" Wait a second that isn't the pulling they had to do to get the spermaceti, is it? LUKE: I don't think so. Let's go. We're already late. LORELAI: Coming. [As they make their way out side] Now what else, what else "The first people on the island of Martha's Vineyard were Indians of the Wampanoag tribe. This tribe still makes up a large part of the town originally called gay head." Hmm, figures, the Indians survive poverty, disease, then get stuck living in a place called "gay head." LUKE: I guess. LORELAI: You think there's any connection between gay head and spermaceti? [Laughs] LUKE: [Staring to load his truck] I have no idea. Wait, it's an island? LORELAI: Yeah, apparently. LUKE: That means there's a ferry. LORELAI: Oh, there is a ferry to gay head? That is just too easy. Let's see what else is interesting about the island we now know as Martha's Vineyard. LUKE: You don't have to do this. LORELAI: Do what? LUKE: I'm fine with the weekend. You don't have to keep talking the place up. LORELAI: I just want you to have fun. You know I want you to relax. LUKE: I'll try, okay? I just have my concerns. LORELAI: What concerns? LUKE: What concerns? Lorelai, where do we even stand with this guy? LORELAI: What guy? LUKE: Logan. Their relationship changes daily. I mean one day we like him, next day we hate him, next day we like him. LORELAI: Well, we have a sort of truce. LUKE: A truce, what does that mean, a truce? LORELAI: It's a truce, everything's okay. None of us should invade each other or fire guns across our borders or anything. We're in a truce. LUKE: But what if they break up while we're there? LORELAI: They're not going to breakup. LUKE: Our bedroom isn't sharing a wall with theirs, is it? LORELAI: I have no idea. LUKE: You don't know the layout of the house? LORELAI: I thought spermaceti was a pasta until three minutes ago. LUKE: It's weird staying at people's houses, tiptoeing around, using their sheets, drinking their weird tap water. LORELAI: We'll stick to small beer. That's what they drank on the whaling boats. If it's good enough for the spermaceti boys... Come on, I don't want this to be work for you. LUKE: It's not work. Flipping burgers is work. This weekend's going to be fine. LORELAI: Maybe even fun? LUKE: Yes, fun. Oh, hey, arr, I left April's bike in the garage. LORELAI: Oh, why? LUKE: I was going to fix the wheel, and I forgot it was in the back. Is it okay I parked it there? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. It should be safe. LUKE: All right, good. Let's go. We have a ferry to catch. Please, don't add anything to that. LORELAI: Party pooper... Ooh, there are a bunch of historical lighthouses. We should definitely see them. Huh. I wonder if there's a connection between the shape of lighthouses, ferries, spermaceti, and gay head. [Laughing] INT HUNTZBERGER MATHA'S VINEYARD [Rory opens the door] [At the same time] RORY: You made it! LORELAI: We made it! RORY: Hi, Luke! LUKE: Sorry we're late. RORY: Your not late. LORELAI: It took longer than we thought, the ferry and all. Did you know Martha's Vineyard is an island? RORY: Well I've been here before. LOGAN: Hey, there's our intrepid travelers. LORELAI: Hi, Logan. LOGAN: Welcome, and this must be Luke. LORELAI: Oh, no, I dumped Luke. This is Clem. I picked him up at a truck stop on 95. We were at the register, paying for our blue plates, and our hands reached for the same Dixie Chicks cassette. LUKE: Luke Danes. LOGAN: Logan Huntzberger, good to have you, anything else to unload? LUKE: Uh no, there's a few things, but I've got it. LOGAN: Great. RORY: So this is the place. LORELAI: Aww RORY: [Walks in with Lorelai] This is the den, and the dining room, which seats 20, the wet bar. LORELAI: Just keeps getting better. RORY: And that's the living room, the kitchen's up there, and the ocean's out there, but you can't see it. LORELAI: Ahh, rip-off. LOGAN: So you guys hungry? LUKE: We're fine. We ate on the road. RORY: Cool. Just a couple peculiarities about the house. LOGAN: It's a grandma, so it's got its kinks. RORY: Some of the hardwood floors have buckled, so watch your step. LOGAN: The French doors are warped from the winter, so you have to give them a yank when you open them. RORY: And that noise you may hear outside your window in the morning... LOGAN: That would be stan. LORELAI: Gardener? RORY: Raccoon. LOGAN: He's been living on the property longer than my family has. So we give him free reign. RORY: And the showers there are three of them. Run any two at the same time, and they turn to ice, so give everybody heads-up before you take a dive. LORELAI: Oh, good to know. RORY: Oh in the morning we'll have stuff here to eat, or you can go up the street to Joe's caf for breakfast. They open at 8:00. LOGAN: 7:00, actually. RORY: Right, 7:00. We never go before 8:00. But that's all. Want to see your room? LUKE AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM [Door opens] RORY: Here we are, we call it the king and queen's suite. LORELAI: Neat. Why? RORY: Because you're our honored guests, and I just named it that a second ago. LORELAI: We'll take it. RORY: So the controller for the heater is by the nightstand. All of the windows open, except for the second one on the left, so don't try to open it because you'll hurt your back. And don't forget about the showers. LORELAI: Got it. RORY: I guess we'll see you guys later. LORELAI: I'd really like to tip you, but I've only got a $20. RORY: Just add it to the bill, ma'am. LORELAI: Will do. LUKE: Thanks. LOGAN: Good to have you here. [Rory and Logan close the door a they leave] LORELAI: So, nice digs, huh? LUKE: Kind of dark to see. LORELAI: Well, I saw the weather forecast. They're predicting light in the morning. LUKE: So, how does this work? LORELAI: How does what work? LUKE: Are we supposed to stay in this room tonight? LORELAI: Um, what's wrong with the room? LUKE: Nothing, it's just that it's only 9:30. LORELAI: It's that early? LUKE: What do you think they're gonna to do out there? LORELAI: I don't know you think there going to do something? LUKE: She's your daughter and your daughter's snotty boyfriend. LORELAI: Snotty? I thought he was very nice. LUKE: You call that nice? How he embarrassed Rory? LORELAI: How did he embarrass her? LUKE: Correcting her like that with the whole "it's open at 7:00" thing? She was humiliated. LORELAI: She wasn't humiliated. LUKE: Well, we just need them to hold on for three days. LORELAI: Hold on how? LUKE: Hold on and not break up. LORELAI: They're not going to break up in the next three days. LUKE: Lot a tension here. LORELAI: Okay are we in the room for the night or you want to venture out? LUKE: I don't know. LORELAI: Okay well I'll go see what's what, get the lay of the land here. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Okay. HALLWAY LEADING TO THE LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is tiptoeing down the hall to the living room, Rory is on the couch reading Joan Didion] LORELAI: Psst! RORY: Hey, you. LORELAI: [whispering] Are we supposed to stay in our rooms? RORY: [also whispering] What? No. Why? LORELAI: Just checking. RORY: You can stay in there or come out here. LORELAI: Okay, cool. RORY: Then why are you whispering? LORELAI: I don't know. We're in somebody else's house. RORY: I know, it's a little weird, being a foursome. LORELAI: A little. We'll adjust. RORY: Yeah, we'll adjust... So, in or out? LORELAI: I think we'll stay in. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: All right. RORY: Good night. LORELAI: Night. [Giggles as she gets up to leave, Rory goes back to her book] MORNING - LUKE AND LORELAI'S BEDROOM LORELAI: We've got ourselves a beautiful day. LUKE: Mm-hm. LORELAI: The ocean is so blue. I love the beach in the winter. The summer's too hot, too congested, you know? LUKE: Yep, congested. LORELAI: What are you doing? LUKE: Nothing. LORELAI: Are you eating? LUKE: Just a Powerbar. LORELAI: Powerbar? LUKE: You want one? LORELAI: No. Luke, why are you eating? LUKE: Well, I wasn't sure what the deal was. LORELAI: The deal as to what? LUKE: I didn't know whether they served food or not LORELAI: What else do you have in here? LUKE: Just stuff. LORELAI: First-aid kit? LUKE: In case we got hurt. LORELAI: Baggie full of batteries for... LUKE: The flashlight, illuminates up to 50 yards. LORELAI: Bug spray, radio, granola bars...freeze-dried spaghetti? LUKE: Just add hot water, eat it out of the bag. LORELAI: Am I going to find hot water in there? LUKE: [Pulls some water from the bag] You got to heat it up on the stove. LORELAI: Oh...my god. LUKE: It's a bowie knife to cut fish, cut tree limbs... LORELAI: Amputate a leg? LUKE: Not a leg. It could do a foot. LORELAI: Luke, this is your backcountry bag. Why did you bring your backcountry bag? LUKE: I didn't know what this weekend was. LORELAI: You didn't know we wouldn't be performing surgery on each other? LUKE: I wanted to be prepared. LORELAI: I thought this bag was full of clothes. LUKE: My other bag's full of clothes. LORELAI: You're going to freeze. LUKE: It's plenty for me. I'm warm-blooded... LORELAI: I know, I know you're warm-blooded. Check it and see. All right let's see what else they have to eat out there, okay? The freeze-dried spaghetti's not going to do it for me. LUKE: I didn't mean to bring the spaghetti. LORELAI: Come on and leave the knife. LUKE: Okay. [Puts the knife back in the bag] KITCHEN [Lorelai walks into the kitchen] LORELAI: Morning. LOGAN: Good morning. RORY: Hi, we've got coffee and pastries over there. LOGAN: The best pastries on the island. RORY: Yeah, you goto get them early or they run out. LOGAN: Even the prune is good. RORY: She will not like the prune. LOGAN: She'll like this prune. LORELAI: They look great. RORY: Where's Luke? LOGAN: He is waiting for my signal. RORY: Your signal? LUKE: To come out. He wants a signal it's okay. LOGAN: Got a flare gun in the garage. RORY: Luke, it's okay! Come out. LUKE: Morning. LOGAN: Hi Luke. RORY: Luke, you know, you don't have to hide. LUKE: [To Rory] I wasn't hiding. [To Lorelai] Did you say I was hiding? LORELAI: I did not say that. LOGAN: Help yourself to whatever. RORY: You've got to read faster. LOGAN: I read at my own pace, regardless of peer pressure. RORY: But my article is continued in the section you've been reading since before john wrote his gospel. LOGAN: I keep telling her we need to buy two papers. RORY: That's wasteful we don't need two papers. LOGAN: We need it for the health of the relationship. [Rory snatches the paper from Logan] There's your proof... We got eggs and stuff, too, Luke. LORELAI: You still hungry? RORY: Still? You guys eat? LUKE: No, we just ate a big dinner last night. LORELAI: Right... Hey, why don't we take a little walk first, huh? The beach is deserted. We'll have the whole thing to ourselves. LUKE: Okay. LOGAN: You might want a coat. LUKE: I'm fine. LOGAN: Cool. LORELAI: We won't be long. RORY: [Logan snatches the paper back] Drat. LOGAN: U snooze, you lose. BEACH. [Luke and Lorelai are walking along the sand] LORELAI: Smell that air, sea. LUKE: Yeah, there's sewage somewhere, too. LORELAI: I'm loving this. It's been forever since I've been to the beach. Can you imagine living here? LUKE: Wonder what real-estate prices are like. LORELAI: Probably pretty high. LUKE: Bet you the average joe can't afford it, that's for sure. Meaning if you work here, you can't live here, so you have to commute hours every day. LORELAI: Pretty place to work, though. LUKE: Waves keep you up last night? LORELAI: No, I knew you were awake, though. LUKE: Sorry, it's just it's so loud... LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: And just when I got back to sleep, Dan shows up. LORELAI: Who? LUKE: The raccoon. LORELAI: Oh, Stan. LUKE: Yeah right. He decided to play a "Sousa March" with the trash-can lids. That's what a bowie knife's for. RORY: [OS] Hey! [They walk over the Rory] RORY: Nice out here, huh? LORELAI: Beautiful. RORY: You look like you're freezing. LUKE: I'm fine. RORY: I forgot to give you these. [Tosses Lorelai some keys] LORELAI: Oh, we finally earned your trust, huh? RORY: We decided we'd risk it. We're heading out, we'll be back in a couple hours. LORELAI: Where are you going? RORY: The gym. LORELAI: I'm sorry. Ocean's awfully loud down here. Where did you say you were going? RORY: The gym. LORELAI: Sorry, the ocean is so loud... RORY: Stop it. We like to hit the gym when we're here. LORELAI: I cannot picture this. RORY: Well stop mocking, because it's a good thing. LORELAI: I want to go just to see you at a gym. [Turning to Luke] You want to go? LUKE: Sure, I'll go. RORY: Cool, let's go. LORELAI: Great, let's all go to the gym. That will never stop being funny. [SCENE_BREAK] INT GYM [Rory and Lorelai are getting a drink] RORY: Hit me again, there, friend. LORELAI: Ah I needed that, especially after that jog we took. RORY: From the dressing room? LORELAI: Yeah, it was at least 20 yards. RORY: Hmm. LORELAI: Plus the three steps we walked up to get in the building. RORY: That was some gnarly cardio. LORELAI: What is it about cucumber water that makes it so much more refreshing than non-cucumber water? RORY: I think it's the cucumbers. LORELAI: Ha. So, shall we resume our workout? RORY: Let's do it. LORELAI: You know, this is a nice facility. RORY: I know, I like that you can get day passes. You don't have to pay for a whole... WORKOUT GUY: ahh! LORELAI: That was loud. RORY: I think a little warning was order. LORELAI: No one remembers gym etiquette. Hey, any idea what part of the body this exercises? RORY: I don't know. Do you lift it or pull it? LORELAI: Or push it or climb it? So, the walk from the cucumber water to here, that was, what, another 20 calories? RORY: Let's call it 40... Hey, is Luke okay? He seems a little distracted. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's just not much of a traveler, so it's all kind of foreign to him. RORY: Coz I want him to have a good time. LORELAI: He will. [Lorelai notices the workout guy from earlier] Yeah? WORKOUT GUY: Okay if I work in? LORELAI: Okay work in what? Oh, you want to work in. Yeah, I guess I'm done. Boy, I'm going to be sore in the morning. RORY: Yeah, good reps there, mom. LORELAI: Thanks. LORELAI AND RORY: [Watching the guy] Oh. LORELAI: You push with your arms. RORY: I was going to say that. LORELAI: Hum. RORY: More cucumber water? LORELAI: I'm always up for more cucumber water. [More loud noises, the girls both jump] Ah! God, I'll never get used to that. BASKETBALL COURT [Luke and Logan are playing a game] LOGAN: It's probably your shoes. LUKE: Shoes are fine. LOGAN: Yeah but they're a size too small and they're low-tops. LUKE: I bought what they had. The shoes are fine. LOGAN: It's a drag you didn't bring your own gear. LUKE: Yeah drag, let's get going here, all right? I'm playing all out, so you play all out. LOGAN: You're overestimating my skills if you think I not playing all out. So it's what, 5-1? LUKE: 6, you got 6, 6-1. LOGAN: Right, 6-1. [Logan scores another point] Sorry. LUKE: Don't apologize. LOGAN: That was a foul, too. I charged. LUKE: You barely touched me. LOGAN: I traveled. LUKE: No, you didn't foul me, and you didn't travel. Okay. LOGAN: Did you try loosening the laces? LUKE: Just check the ball. 6-1? LOGAN: 7, actually. LUKE: Right, right. 7. LOGAN: Sorry. LUKE: Don't apologize. INT GYM [Luke and Logan are coming down the stairs and see Rory and Lorelai seated having a massage] LOGAN: Hey, guys. What's going on? LORELAI: Oh, wow. I was, like, in a Zen trance. I was totally somewhere else. RORY: Me too. I was in Greece. Where were you? LORELAI: Bergdorf Goodman. RORY: When you reach a Zen trance, you go to Bergdorf Goodman? LORELAI: To each his own. Thanks, Ron, Jerry. RORY: Yeah, thanks, guys. LOGAN: I didn't know the gym had masseurs. RORY: They don't. LORELAI: No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service, but they missed their calling. LUKE: You got laundry guys to give you a massage? RORY: Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore. So, you guys have fun throwing the old hoop around? LOGAN: Or something to that effect. LORELAI: Look at you, you look like a billboard for the Martha's Vineyard chamber of commerce. LUKE: It's all they had. RORY: So, who won the game? LUKE: These shoes stink. LORELAI: So you beat the shoes. LOGAN: Nobody won. We just had fun. Do you girls need to clean up at all? LORELAI: From...? LOGAN: Right, well, I guess we'll see you out here. LUKE: We'll be about 10 minutes. RORY: Okay, see you in 10. So what do we do? LORELAI: Ron, Jerry, you got 10 minutes? [Giggling, they sit back down] I love working out. LUKE AND LORELAI'S BEDROOM LUKE: So what is this like, a fancy meal? LORELAI: Ha, I don't think it's fancy. It's just a meal, they wanted to make us a meal. LUKE: But is it lunch or dinner? I mean it's at a weird time. LORELAI: Well I just think they just want us to eat in the daylight, you know, so we could enjoy the view. LUKE: It's getting kind of foggy out. LORELAI: It's still nice. LUKE: I had no idea it would be this cold. LORELAI: I told you like a million times. LUKE: But not this cold, and it doesn't help that the heat in this place doesn't work very well. LORELAI: Your full line of vineyard swag should keep you toasty. LUKE: This stuff is cheap as hell. The sweatpants I bought in the gym ripped already. Logan... LORELAI: Logan? What about him? LUKE: Well he's the reason they ripped, the way he was playing out there. LORELAI: How was he playing? LUKE: I don't know. Annoying. LORELAI: What was he doing, specifically, to annoy you? LUKE: What wasn't he doing? He was mocking me, traveling, fouling me without calling it, cheating on the score. LORELAI: And that spontaneously caused your pants to rip? LUKE: You know what I mean. LORELAI: He seemed nice when you guys came back from the court. He said you were just playing for fun. LUKE: It wasn't fun, believe me. LORELAI: [Getting annoyed] Maybe you shouldn't have come with us to the gym. Nobody forced you to go. LUKE: [Caught off guard] I know. LORELAI: It's Valentine's weekend, you know? How about we stop talking about the gym and the stupid basketball game? LUKE: Sure, okay, fine. LORELAI: Look, they're probably waiting for us. I'll just see you out there. LUKE: You got it. KITCHEN LORELAI: I'm sorry, but this picture just does not compute. RORY: Stop. LORELAI: You're wielding a knife. That's verboten in Gilmore world. RORY: You forget that I'm a rebel. LORELAI: And you're wearing an apron. RORY: It's so my clothes don't get wrecked. LORELAI: You've not worn an apron since you saw "the sound of music" and you put one on so you'd look like sister Maria, and you made a big crucifix out of Popsicle sticks. [Rory gets something from a draw] LORELAI: Wow. RORY: What? LORELAI: You just went to that drawer and got that thingamabob out of there like that's what you intended all along. RORY: It was. LORELAI: You know where things are. RORY: I've cooked here before. LORELAI: I may need to be resuscitated. RORY: Okay do you want to help or keep on the riff? LORELAI: I wanna Help. RORY: Logan is taking care of the lobsters for us outside, and I am making a salad, mashed potatoes, and Bruschetta. LORELAI: [Picking something up] Hmm. What's this? RORY: It's a Garlic press. LORELAI: [Picks up a large knife] This would do a foot. RORY: Step away from the knife. LORELAI: [Picks up something else] What's this? RORY: That's a lemon Zester. LORELAI: Let me zest a lemon. RORY: No. LORELAI: I get to do something. RORY: Well, you can't just grab things. [Luke walks in] Hi, Luke. LUKE: Hey. RORY: Wash your hands, and I will give you a task. LORELAI: Exultant. LUKE: Food looks good. LORELAI: Rory's going to let me chop something. LUKE: Is that wise? RORY: I did not say chop. LORELAI: All right I'm ready. RORY: Okay. [Handing Lorelai a small knife] Chop the celery. LORELAI: Yay! [Sees the knife] Oh, that's a dinner knife. RORY: [Handing her the big knife] Well, be very careful, please. LORELAI: I am Mario Batali and Ina Garten's love child. RORY: [Too Luke] Logan's outside dealing with the lobsters, if you want to join him, [Too Lorelai] he was very nice, by the way. He kept them well hidden from me when they were, let's say, not dead. LORELAI: Not dead? I don't like behind-the-scenes foodstuff. LUKE: I'll see what's going on out there. RORY: What did you mean, "it would do a foot"? OUTSIDE ON THE PATIO [Logan is cooking] LOGAN: Hey, they kick you out of the house? LUKE: Kind of. LOGAN: You like lobster? LUKE: I never had lobster. LOGAN: I think you'll like it if I don't screw it up. Making lobster is time-honored Huntzberger family tradition. It's in our blood. LUKE: Great. LOGAN: So FYI, I'm probably going to do the present thing at dinner. LUKE: [Slowly] The present thing. LOGAN: Just to give you a heads-up. Don't want to complicate your life. LUKE: You got Rory a present. LOGAN: For Valentine's Day. Forget? LUKE: No. LOGAN: Okay LUKE: I just didn't get her anything. LOGAN: Ah LUKE: I mean, Valentine's Day isn't technically till Tuesday. LOGAN: Sure LUKE: I have a couple of extra days. LOGAN: Right. LUKE: Is there anything open nearby? LOGAN: Only if you want a windbreaker or some boating equipment. LUKE: Oh. LOGAN: Look, I went a little nuts and got two things for Rory. Let me give you one to give to Lorelai. LUKE: No, no, no, no. LOGAN: Yes, I got a necklace and a tennis bracelet. She doesn't need both. Take one, whichever one. LUKE: I can't do that. LOGAN: Dude it's Valentine's Day. You've got to give your girl a gift. LUKE: Well...maybe I will take one. LOGAN: Which one? LUKE: How about the necklace? LOGAN: Perfect. LUKE: Mainly because I have no idea what a tennis bracelet is. LOGAN: Let me finish up getting these things on. I'll take you in and show it to you. I left them in the car so Rory would not find them. LUKE: You really don't have to do this. LOGAN: I'm happy to. We men got to stick together. LUKE: Okay. KITCHEN LORELAI: This is fun. RORY: You have got to stop doing that. LORELAI: I love the squishy feeling. RORY: You're going to over mash them. LORELAI: Is there such a thing as over mashing potatoes? RORY: Yes, it's called potato soup. LORELAI: You know, you can put on the apron and shout out things like "dice the carrots," but implying that you can over mash potatoes proves you're a phony. RORY: You're the one who thought the potato masher was a waffle shaper before I corrected you. LORELAI: Ha... Ow, I think I'm giving myself mashed-potato elbow. Would you like more chef's juice? RORY: More wine would be great. So have I told you what we're thinking for the end of the school year? LORELAI: What who was thinking? RORY: Logan and I. Get this, Asia. LORELAI: Asia, wow. RORY: Well, some of Asia, China, Thailand, Vietnam. We're thinking six weeks. LORELAI: Sounds exciting, hon. RORY: We haven't finalized anything yet, but I bought the books, I'm doing the research. LORELAI: It's official. You've become too fabulous to hang out with me. LOGAN: How's it going in here? RORY: It's good, I hope you like re-mashed potatoes. LORELAI: You can eat them with a straw. RORY: Where are you two headed? LOGAN: I need the other tongs, they're buried in the garage and Luke was going to help me find them. LUKE: Right, we'll be right back. LOGAN: The clawed things out there, they went peacefully. [They kiss and Lorelai looks awkwardly away] RORY: Thank you. [Logan and Luke leave] It's weird, you know? LORELAI: What's weird? RORY: I don't know, it just hit me. These could be the ones. LORELAI: The ones? RORY: The ones, you know? LORELAI: [Thinking] Yeah. Yeah. ON THE PATIO RORY: Luke, weren't you a lobster neophyte? Looks like you liked it. LUKE: It's good. I can't believe I've never had it before. You cooked them perfect. LORELAI: Here, here. [Luke, Lorelai and Rory start clapping] LOGAN: Thanks very much. You're too kind. LORELAI: Not that I'm hunting for my own compliment, but that celery I cut, huh? RORY: Let's hear it for the celery chopper. LORELAI: Oh, this is so spontaneous and unexpected. Not quite loud enough. Thank you, thank you. RORY: So, should we clear? LOGAN: Hey it's so pretty out here, sun will be down soon, so before it gets dark, happy Valentine's Day. RORY: Oh My God, you humanely killed lobsters and you got me a present? [Lorelai looking a little sad, then smiles] LOGAN: I'm a multitasker. RORY: Mmm... Hah, It's a bracelet. LUKE: It's a tennis bracelet. LORELAI: You know what a tennis bracelet is? LUKE: Well, my sister makes jewelry, so I've picked up some terms. RORY: Wow, I love it. Happy Valentine's Day. LOGAN: Back at you, ace. [They kiss] LUKE: Well, I guess it's my turn. [Lorelai looking surprised] Happy Valentine's Day. LORELAI: Really? LUKE: Really. LORELAI: [Gasps] Oh, my god. Luke, it's beautiful. LUKE: Good, good. It's gonna to look great on you. LORELAI: Look at this. RORY: It's you. And it goes well with mine. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, they're almost matching. LOGAN: Luke and I actually sneaked out when you two were playing around in the kitchen. We found those in the same place. LUKE: Yep. Same shop. LORELAI: I can't believe you got me a Valentine's Day gift. RORY: Is it getting kind of cold? LOGAN: Yeah, let's go in, we'll clear all this later. Let's just build a fire and get warm. RORY: Excellent. LUKE: You like it? LORELAI: I love it. LUKE: Good. LUKE AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM [Lorelai is sitting up in bed, looking at the necklace] LUKE: [OS] I really cannot believe I've never had lobster before. It's my favorite thing out of the sea now. Kicks tuna's ass, kicks salmon's ass. LORELAI: Yeah, it's good stuff. LUKE: [OS] Logan did a good job with it, too. We've got to find a good lobster place near stars hollow. [Comes out off the bathroom] Probably have to go to Litchfield. I'm not even going to attempt the lobster-house pancake world. Do you know a good lobster place? [Sees Lorelai with the necklace] What's wrong? I thought you liked it. LORELAI: Oh, no, I do. It's beautiful. LUKE: So what is it? LORELAI: I don't know.... Lately, I've been feeling like it's just not going to happen. LUKE: That what's not going to happen? LORELAI: Our wedding. LUKE: No, Lorelai, that's crazy. Of course it's going to happen. LORELAI: But do you really want it to? LUKE: Yes. We're engaged. That hasn't changed. The wedding's just been postponed. That's all. LORELAI: It's not feeling like it's postponed. LUKE: What happened? I thought this would make you happy. It's making you sad. LORELAI: No, it's not, it's just... I had to cancel a lot of stuff this week, a lot of June 3rd stuff. LUKE: June 3rd? But I... LORELAI: Well, I was holding out hope that maybe, if things calmed down with you a little bit, it would still happen. It was just stupid. LUKE: No. LORELAI: I lost all our deposits. LUKE: That doesn't matter. We'll just put down new deposits. LORELAI: Really? LUKE: We're getting married. LORELAI: I really want to believe that. LUKE: Look, I know I've been preoccupied. I don't like that about myself. It's just who I am. I get in my own head, and I forget about the people around me. LORELAI: I know, that's why I thought this trip would be good for you, get you thinking about something else, but it's been cold here and Logan's been bugging you and the raccoon is noisy and the waves were keeping you up. The trip was a dumb idea. LUKE: Lorelai, no. It was a good idea. [short pause] Hey... LORELAI: What? LUKE: You know I love you, right? LORELAI: I really need to hear that once in a while. LUKE: I love you, and I'm going to marry you, and at our wedding, we are having lobster. LORELAI: Okay. [They kiss. Lorelai looks at the necklace] I really love this necklace. LUKE AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM - NEXT MORNING [Luke and Lorelai are just waking up] LUKE: [Kisses Lorelai's shoulder] Morning. [Rubs her arm] LORELAI: Good morning. How'd you sleep? LUKE: I slept great, better than I have in months. How about you? LORELAI: Wonderfully, actually. It's so quiet out there. LUKE: Just the waves. LORELAI: They didn't keep you up? LUKE: No, I slept like a rock. LORELAI: I wonder if Rory and Logan hit the gym again. I'm going to go check. [Starts putting on a robe] LUKE: I wouldn't put it past them. LORELAI: Or maybe they went hang gliding, went to climb a mountain, pearl diving, or skeet shooting. [Opens the door, Gasps] Wow! LUKE: What? LORELAI: Breakfast Santa's been here. LUKE: Breakfast Santa? [Lorelai carries in the tray] Wow. LORELAI: The kids must have left it for us. LUKE: Well, I don't think there's really a breakfast Santa. LORELAI: So, how do we do this? LUKE: Legs. LORELAI: Service here is so excellent. [Cut to a short while later Luke and Lorelai are sitting on the bed having finished breakfast] LUKE: That must have been Harvey's beach. Last time I was at the beach, I was like 18. LORELAI: I was there, when I was a kid, I used to go with my friend Trish and her family. It had that snack stand where the cute boy worked. Remember? He looked like Emilio Estevez. LUKE: Well, I remember the snack stand, not Emilio. LORELAI: We used to do cartwheels to get his attention. LUKE: I remember my sister picking up someone's cigarette butt behind that stand and smoking it. LORELAI: Ew!.. LUKE: We could have been there at the same time on the same day. Isn't that weird? LORELAI: Nah, we never were. LUKE: How do you know? LORELAI: You would have distracted me from the snack-stand guy. And no guy ever did. LUKE: What about eloping? LORELAI: What? LUKE: Eloping, we can do that, right? Instead of planning this whole big thing? LORELAI: I don't know. Maybe. I guess we could. But Rory has to come. Is it still eloping if Rory comes? LUKE: Sure, why not? Let's start planning it. LORELAI: You don't plan an elopement. You just do it. LUKE: Oh, right. That makes sense. We could even come back do it here when the weather's better. We could rent a place for a couple weeks in the summer. LORELAI: That sounds nice. [OS Door slams] LORELAI: Whoa, loud. LUKE: Must be Rory and Logan. LORELAI: In some kind of hurry. LUKE: Hm. LORELAI: You guys, we're up here! In the interest of full disclosure, we're fairly casual. MITCHUM: [Mitchum comes into the room] Who are you? LUKE: Who are you? MITCHUM: Mitchum Huntzberger. Who are you? LORELAI: Um, I'm Lorelai. I'm Rory's mother. MITCHUM: I'm looking for my son. [OS Door closes] LOGAN: Dad! [Mitchum leaves the room] [Luke and Lorelai get out of bed] LIVING ROOM MITCHUM: Where the hell have you been? LOGAN: What are you doing here? MITCHUM: You turn off your cell, your pager. I told you never turn off your pager. LOGAN: I got your pages. MITCHUM: So you're ignoring them? That's great. LOGAN: We're going to have it out in public? [Rory is watching from another room] MITCHUM: We're not in public, Logan. We're in my house. Yeah, we're going to have it out here. LOGAN: You didn't need me this weekend. MITCHUM: You don't get to decide whether you're needed or not. I decide that do you hear me? LOGAN: They heard you in Nantucket. [Luke and Lorelai enter the room] MITCHUM: You were not to be here. You were supposed to be on a red-eye to London last night. I was in a room full of colleagues! [They start talking over one another] LOGAN: How many time do I have to go to London, I've met all of them. I've met them all for God's sake! MITCHUM: Some of them actually come from other bureaus to meet you, and you blow it off to be with your little girlfriend! You embarrassed me! LOGAN: You want to talk time about embarrassment? MITCHUM: You embarrassed me, you embarrassed yourself! You listen to me. You're getting on a plane to London. You're getting on a plane to London today. LOGAN: Dad! MITCHUM: And you're going to explain to my colleagues why you wasted their Saturday and robbed them of their Sunday. And let me tell you this you better start acclimating yourself, because you're in London for at least a year starting the day after you graduate, as we discussed. LOGAN: You discussed it. MITCHUM: You're doing this, Logan, and I'm driving you to the airport myself right now. Get packed. You've got 10 minutes. LOGAN: I have guests. MITCHUM: Your guests can stay. [Mitchum walks out] You're leaving! LOGAN: [Looks at Rory] Excuse me. [Lorelai looks at Rory] INT HOUSE FRONT DOORS [The doors are open and Logan is waiting] LORELAI: I guess we can just pick something up on the way. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Hey. Still here? LOGAN: Yeah, just waiting for Rory to get her things. LUKE: You ah, you need any help there? LOGAN: No, thanks, Luke. LUKE: No problem. I just have to get that last bag. LORELAI: Hmm. LOGAN: I'm really, really sorry about this. LORELAI: Oh, hey, it's okay. It was fun while it lasted. [pause] No one understands letting family down better than I do. RORY: Hi. LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Walk you out? EXT - DRIVEWAY [A car and driver is waiting] RORY: Intimidating.... So, a full year in London. LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: So, when do you move, exactly? The Asia thing... I guess that's on the back burner? LOGAN: [SIS ] RORY: Do you have to leave the very day after you graduate or is there a cushion or... LOGAN: Stop. It's not happening. Okay? Not yet. It's February. We don't have to think about this right now. Right now, it doesn't even exist, okay? I'm not going to think about it. Let's not think about it. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: Take the Porsche home and keep planning Asia. RORY: I've got all my books with me. LOGAN: Good. [Walks to the car, gets in and leaves.] [Lorelai comes up] LORELAI: So that's Mitchum, huh? It's just like I imagined him. [The car pulls away] LUKE'S DINER - NIGHT [Luke and Lorelai come in the front door] LUKE: Hey, Caesar. CAESER: Luke, you're back early. How was it? LUKE: Great. LORELAI: Ended dramatically, but, yeah. CAESER: Well, welcome back. There was something I was supposed to tell you. LUKE: Was it important? CAESER: Must not have been. LUKE: Well, I'll take care of out here. Why don't you close out the back? CAESER: Sure. Coffee's fresh. Maybe that was it. LUKE: Was that it? CAESER: No. [Returns to kitchen] LORELAI: Well, I'd love some coffee. LUKE: Coming up. Okay. What am I going to do with all that stuff? LORELAI: Keep it. It looked good on you, especially the sweatpants. You got nice mass ass. LUKE: A what? LORELAI: Massachusetts ass. LUKE: Well, maybe I'll keep those then. CAESER: I remember. Your daughter. I'm an idiot. What? CAESER: That's what I had to tell you, April kept calling to confirm the time she's coming over tomorrow. [Lorelai looks sad] LUKE: Oh she did. CAESER: Three o'clock, she kept calling to remind me like I wouldn't remember to tell you, which I almost didn't. She's pretty smart. LUKE: Yeah, thanks, Caesar. [pause, lost for words] Uh... so, three o'clock tomorrow. I guess her mother will pick her up around seven, so... LORELAI: Right. So, I'll pop up sometime after that. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Oh, and her bike, it's at my place. LUKE: Right, right, I guess I'll...pick it up tomorrow before three. LORELAI: Sure, anytime. You know, um, I'm just kind of tired. I don't need to wire myself up again. I think I'm just going to go home. LUKE: Oh, okay. I'll just tell Caesar I'm taking you. LORELAI: No, that's okay. That's okay. I think I'm going to walk. LUKE: You sure? LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, stay here. I'll get my bags tomorrow or you can bring them when you come get April's bike. LUKE: Sure, whatever you want. It's cold out there, you know? LORELAI: I know. Cold can be nice sometimes. LUKE: All right. LORELAI: See you tomorrow. [They kiss] LUKE: Okay. LORELAI'S (AND LUKE'S) HOUSE [Lorelai comes in and turns on the light, she has some mail with her, she checks her messages] ANSWERING MACHINE: Lorelai, it's your aunt Alice. Jim and I saw the beautiful picture of you in the paper announcing your engagement. [Looks through the paper] How wonderful, and what a wonderful picture. I told Emily that you looked so young. We marked our calendar for June 3rd, [Gasps] and we look forward to it. And we're really looking forward to meeting this man of yours, as well. A restaurateur it says. Say hello to Rory for us, and we'll see you soon. Bye. [Answering machine beeps] [Gasps as she find the announcement, the paper have 4 couples with Lorelai in the middle and a larger picture.] SECOND MESSAGE FOR ANOTHER WOMAN: Hello this is Emelda Landers, I'm in the DAR with your mother and of course you went to school for a period with my daughter Carol. Well I told Carol I would pass her congratulations to you about the announcement. So that's it. Picture's beautiful. Goodbye. [Answering machine beeps] THIRD MESSAGE: Hello, Lorelai, this is uncle James. Emily called to tell us to save the date, June 3rd. We saw the picture of you in the paper. It's very nice. [fade out]

Rory and Logan ask Lorelai and Luke to celebrate Valentine's Day with them on a weekend at the Huntzberger's house on Martha's Vineyard, where Lorelai is annoyed by Luke's disdain for Logan. At the end of the weekend, Logan and his father have a confrontation.

fd_The_Mentalist_02x22

fd_The_Mentalist_02x22_0

Hotel Lobby - San Desidera, California (People of different nationalities are present and being interviewed by TV journalists) Banner at the entrance to the conference room: "Global Human Rights, Conference 2010" Lynch: Where the hell is he, Stace? Stacey: Don't worry, Mr. Lynch. I'm sure he'll be here soon. Lynch: Yeah, well, this is ridiculous. I mean, he goes on in less than five minutes. Stacey: It's all right, Mr. Lynch. He's here. Lynch: All right, get him up on stage and I'll tell everybody he's on his way. Stacey: Okay. Stacey: Mr. Brava, I'm afraid we need to hurry. (a journalist approaches) Journalist: Mr. Brava, no advance copy of your speech has been released. Why the secrecy? Brava: Well, come hear it, and you'll know. Journalist: Can you tell us anything about what you're going to say? (Brava stops walking towards the conference room) Brava: You want a sound bite? Fine. People who traffic in humans are like cockroaches hiding in the dark. You have to expose 'em to the light. (Brava's phone beeps, a text message was received) Journalist: What do you mean, "expose"? Will you be naming somebody? (SMS Message): "Meet me through the staff door, Carmen" Journalist: Mr. Brava. Brava: Wait here. Stacey: Uh, Mr. Brava. Brava: I'll be right back. Stacey: Mr. Brava! Journalist: That was Hector Brava, the keynote speaker for the Human Global Conference. (Brava heads off) (after a while, Stacey starts looking for Brava) Stacey: Mr. Brava? We really-have to ... (seeing Brava's body on the ground) Help me! Somebody, please! (she runs out for help) Hotel Lobby (Lisbon and Jane come in, they are greeted by the sheriff) Sheriff: Andy Burnside, Kane County Sheriff. Lisbon: Agent Teresa Lisbon. This is Patrick Jane, our consultant. Sheriff Burnside: Hi. Jane: Hi. Sheriff Burnside: So the victim's name was Hector Brava. He was a do-gooder. Ran an organization called the Sheltering Light Foundation. They fight human trafficking. There's a conference going on. He was supposed to give some kind of a speech. (to Jane) So you're the psychic, huh? Jane: No. No such thing as psychics. (Lisbon, Jane and Sheriff Burnside arrive at the scene of the crime, Cho is there) Cho (to police officer): All right. Thanks. (to Lisbon and Jane) Looks like cause of death is blunt force trauma to the back of the head. Sheriff Burnside: Yeah, some of my men found a fire extinguisher with blood on it over there. No, uh, usable prints on it, though. Lisbon: If he was here to make a speech, what was he doing back here? Sheriff Burnside: This. It's a text message. Lisbon (reads SMS): "Meet me through the staff door. Carmen." Sheriff Burnside: Tracking the sender now. Cho: How many Carmens have you I. D.'d at the hotel? Sheriff Burnside: Two employees at the hotel, another two were attending the conference. They all have alibis, though. We're gonna keep looking. He had his wallet on him, all his credit cards, a lot of money, so you can rule robbery out. Jane: Maybe. Where's his speech? Sheriff Burnside: Hmm? Jane: Well, you just said Brava was on the way to deliver a speech. Wouldn't he have that speech on his person, or notes at least? Did you find anything? Sheriff Burnside: No. Lisbon: Cho, Find out everything you can about the speech. Cho: You got it. Lisbon (to Jane): What? Jane: Uh, there's a contradiction here. The murder itself feels improvised, the fire extinguisher, the semipublic location. But the setup...The text message was planned. No robbery to speak of. No assault other than the blow to the head. It doesn't feel like an anger killing. It feels more like an act of desperation. The murderer wanted to keep Brava from doing something or saying something. Sheriff Burnside: That's just what our psychic said. Lisbon: Your psychic? Sheriff Burnside: Kristina Frye. Jane: You're kidding. Sheriff Burnside: What, you've heard of her? Jane (annoyed): Hmm, hmm In the hotel lobby Frye (to Stacey): Relax. Don't force the memory. It'll come, and the details will emerge. Jane: How much you paying her, Sheriff? Sheriff Burnside: That's none of your business. Jane: Oh, that much? I'm working for the wrong people. Lisbon: Ms. Frye, hi. It's nice to see you again. Frye (to Lisbon): You, too. Thank you. (to Stacey) We'll talk later. Jane: So you got the Sheriff wrapped around your finger. Frye: Sheriff Burnside is a man with an admirably open mind. Jane: Mm, yes. He's also a man that likes to watch television with a cat curled up asleep on his lap while his mother sits next to him and knits. But I'm sure he'd prefer that to remain a secret. Sheriff Burnside: Well, I thought you said you weren't psychic. Frye: Oh, he is. He's just not ready to accept it. Jane: Actually, it was the cat hair on your pants, lack of wedding ring and your general live-with-mom vibe. But if you want to believe that his dead Uncle Harry came down and whispered it in my ear, then be my guest. Frye: Don't you ever get tired of your own cynicism? Jane: Oh, weary as hell. What's the alternative? Lisbon (diverting the sheriff): Why don't we give them a little bit of time to catch up? Sorry about the mom thing. [ CREDITS ] In the hotel's grounds (Jane and Frye walk side by side) Jane: I have a question. What are you doing working with the cops? I thought you were a spiritual psychoanalyst. Did your patients catch on to you? Frye: I still have my practice. Why, you looking for a therapist? Jane: Uh, let me think about that. No. I heard that psychoanalysts are a disease that present themselves as a cure. And on top of that, you add in ghosts. Frye: Reflexive mockery, a sign of a troubled soul, Patrick. Jane: You got bored, didn't you? Got too easy taking their money. Frye: No. I think our gift obliges us to help other people. Jane: Oh, is that what you think? Frye: Mm-hmm. Jane: Our gift gives us an obligation to help. I like that line. I'm gonna use it. On the hotel terrace (Lisbon, Cho, the sheriff) Cho: Van Pelt says there's a problem tracing the text message that Brava got. Sheriff Burnside: What? Cho: Well, the trail leads to an electronic dead drop. No way to trace it back. But she's gonna look at his other phones, run down those calls. Lisbon: And what about the speech? Cho: There's no word yet on whether he had it on him or not. But we haven't talked to the wife yet. She's inside. In an apartment (Jane serves tea. Lisbon, Jane, Frye are there) Ilsa Brava: Hector and I knew something like this might happen. He always said there was too much at stake to waste time worrying. Lisbon: What were you and your husband worried about? Ilsa Brava: The traffickers, people who profit from the enslavement of others. Hector was tireless in his pursuit of them. Lisbon: Is there anyone you can think of who may have wanted to kill him? Ilsa Brava: Agent, my husband's received half a dozen death threats since Christmas. If you're asking for names, well, we didn't make a habit of filing the notes. Lisbon: He was gonna give a speech today. Did he have it on him? Ilsa Brava: Yes. Why? Lisbon: Well, there was some secrecy surrounding it. Uh, do, do you know what he was gonna talk about? Ilsa Brava: No, I didn't. That wasn't unusual. Hector rarely shared the details of his work with me. It was his way of protecting me. The person you need to talk to is Russell Bigelow. He did research for Hector. Frye: Ilsa, um... You've been told who I am and what I do? Ilsa Brava: Uh, yes. Frye: My communication with the other side is like a long-distance phone call with a bad connection. So often the messages I receive are meaningless to me, but not to those with ones who've passed over, okay? Ilsa Brava: I'm really not big on this, um, supernatural stuff. Jane: You're not alone. Frye: Your husband wants me to remind you of something, something that will make you smile. It's, uh... I'm getting an image of, um... cherry blossoms? Does that mean anything to you? Ilsa Brava: Yes. Uh... We were married under a cherry tree. How could you know that? Jane: He can recall foliage from his wedding day, but he can't tell you who killed him? Frye: Crossing over to the other side can be confusing. It's a bit like waking up from anesthesia. Sometimes it can take a while to get real clarity. Jane: Huh. Oh, well, makes sense. Lisbon: Does the name Carmen mean anything to you? Ilsa Brava: Uh, the opera. Why? Jane (playing with a dreamcatcher): That's pretty. Uh, my turn. Ilsa... did your husband ever cheat on you? Did you cheat on him? Ilsa Brava: Why would you ask that? Jane: You, you're very Noble and, and dignified. Very stoic. A Jackie O. thing going on there. Uh, maybe you don't give a crap. Maybe you're happy he's dead. (Brava thinks for a second and throws a saucer at Jane, who dodges it with a smile) Jane: Maybe not. Ilsa Brava: I'd like you to leave now. Lisbon: Good idea. Jane, enough fun. Let's go. Jane (holding out his empty cup to Ilsa Brava): Thank you for the tea. Very tasty. EXT. (Lisbon, Frye Jane and come down the stairs of Ilsa Brava's Apartment) Lisbon: Nice work. Jane: She was hiding something. I wanted to see what it was. Lisbon: And what'd you learn? Jane: Well, it's early days. Frye: She's got a good arm. Jane: Did learn that. INT. CBI office (Cho, Rigsby, Russell Bigelow) Russell Bigelow: I'm, I'm not so sure this is such a good idea I talk about this stuff. I, I, I'm just a researcher, you know? Rigsby: I... listen, Mr. Bigelow, we understand that you're frightened, but we really need to know what was in that speech. Russell Bigelow: You don't understand. Look, trafficking generates billions. I mean, there are governments behind this stuff. It's like these people can get to anybody. I mean, Hector's death already proves that. Cho: Then we can offer you protection, Russell. But only if you tell us what you know. Rigsby: If you don't help us, then all the work that you've done to stop these guys will be for nothing. Russell Bigelow: Traffickers use quasi-legit businesses to launder their money around the world. I watch audit trails. We made a connection. That's what's in Hector's speech. Cho: What connection? Russell Bigelow: Have you ever heard of the world anti-trafficking coalition? Rigsby: One of the backers of the conference, right? Russell Bigelow: Yeah. A major charity. It's run by a guy named Christopher Lynch. They assisted us in shutting down a bunch of networks, but the trafficking continued. The money just went someplace else. So it took a while to trace it, but we found out the coalition is a front for a trafficking group. You know, they used us to shut down their own competition, building themselves a monopoly. Here. Rigsby: That the speech? Russell Bigelow: My copy. Cho: And why didn't you notify the authorities once you figured out what was going on? Russell Bigelow: 'Cause Hector said that he wanted to denounce Lynch himself, in public. I said it was too dangerous, but he just wouldn't listen. Rigsby: Did Brava ever mention anybody named Carmen to you? Russell Bigelow: No. No, not to me. Why? CBI Corridors (Hightower and Rigsby walking) Hightower: So Bigelow is saying that the people fighting human trafficking were traffickers. Rigsby: Apparently. Lisbon: All right. You and Cho go talk to this Lynch. See what he has to say for himself. Rigsby: Okay, you got it. In a hotel conference room (Cho, Rigsby, Christopher Lynch) Lynch: Are you guys joking? Because your humor's in bad taste. Hector was a close colleague and a good friend. Rigsby: Who was planning to give a speech that would identify your coalition as a front for human traffickers, Mr. Lynch. Cho: He named you specifically. Lynch: Look, someone is leading you down the garden path, gentlemen. Okay, there's no basis of truth in this. Surely you can see that it's in the traffickers' interest to split us up, get us suspecting each other. Cho: Looks like Brava went past suspecting you. Lynch: Oh, please. Hector saw conspiracies everywhere. You know, he liked being in the spotlight. Cho: We read the speech. It makes a pretty convincing case. Lynch: Okay, look. We're gonna clear this up right now. I will have my lawyers give you access to all our records, and then you will see that the coalition has nothing to hide. Rigsby: Does the name "Carmen" mean anything to you? Lynch: No. Rigsby: Can you think of anybody who'd want to kill Brava? Lynch: Oh, yeah, maybe only a few hundred people. I ju, uh, wait a second. One thing. Second night of the convention, I saw Hector having an argument with a man named Tariq Sharif outside the hotel bar, and for my money, the argument was about a woman. Rigsby: How could you tell? Lynch: Because I know these guys, and they definitely weren't having a discussion about immigration policy. INT. CBI office (Jane enters, Cho and Rigsby are working on the computer) Lisbon: How's it coming with Lynch? Rigsby: Says a man called Tariq Sharif was fighting with Brava. Van Pelt: I'm checking for an I. D. on Sharif right now. Rigsby: I took a look at the records that Lynch's lawyer e-mailed over. First glance, couldn't find anything that supports Brava's accusations. Cho: I checked Lynch's phone records. He made a single call right after we left the interview to an anonymous disposable cell. Lisbon: Does it say where it originated? Rigsby: Here's the weird thing... Cho: The call ends at a cell tower out in the middle of nowhere. Lisbon: That is weird. Rigsby: Right? So we figured maybe we'd go check it out. Lisbon: All right. Van Pelt: Here we go. I got him. Here's Tariq Sharif. Night hotel bar (Lisbon and Jane pass through) Lisbon: I'll see if anybody's seen Sharif. (Lisbon goes to the bar) (to the bartender) Excuse me. (a young woman shows interest in Jane, he is embarrassed but flattered) He's about 6'2", gray hair, mustache? (she returns to Jane): He's by the pool. Okay. (After a few steps Jane stops, another young woman in the bar taps the stool next to her. Jane smiles but shakes his head) Lisbon (turns back to look for Jane): What are you doing? Jane: Nothing. Near the swimming pool (a man wearing sunglasses is seated) Lisbon: Mr. Sharif? Sharif: Yes? Lisbon: We're with the CBI. Frye (at table with Sharif): Agent Lisbon. Mr. Jane. Won't you sit down? Jane: Well, don't mind if we do. Frye: I was just telling Mr. Sharif that his spirit is troubled. There's a wrong that he burns to rectify. Jane: Mm, interesting. Sharif: Hector was an old friend. I, uh, pushed him to take up the trafficking problem. Naturally, I feel responsible. Jane: They're great glasses. Jane: Could, could I try those? Sharif: Uh, no. Jane (trying to catch Sharif's glasses): Okay. Lisbon: Mr. Sharif, why don't you take off the sunglasses? Now. Jane: Oh! You got a... owie. Sharif: It was a misunderstanding. He was drunk. Lisbon: It didn't have anything to do with Ilsa, by any chance? Sharif: It was nothing like that. Jane: It was exactly like that. Frye: You have a strong connection with Ilsa, a bond. Jane: See? Sharif: Ilsa and I were very close. Uh... By chance, we found ourselves here alone on the first night. I expressed my deep admiration for her. She returned my feelings but was afraid to act on it. Hector found out. Hypocrite that he is, he attacked me. Lisbon: How is he a hypocrite? Sharif: Because he was unfaithful to her. Jane: Mm. I did say. Frye: You did. Lisbon: Mr. Sharif, you were saying that Mr. Brava was unfaithful? Sharif: I'm a pacifist, not a coward. You don't strike me without repercussions. I went to his suite the night before he died to confront him. A woman was leaving. (Flashback, a young woman rushing down the stairs of Brava's apartment) It wasn't Ilsa. Lisbon: Was it someone from the conference? Sharif: It wasn't that kind of woman. She was young, pretty, uh, cheap clothes. I assume she was a prostitute. Frye: Carmen. EXT. night (car illuminates a sign behind a fence) "Keep out" (Cho and Rigsby are in the car) Cho: Far as I can tell, this is the only structure within a half mile of the cell tower Lynch's call stopped at. Rigsby: Well, I don't see anything. Cho: Nope. Not a thing. (They get out the car) Rigsby: Think they have dogs? Cho: Probably. (climb the fence, walk, lit by flashlight, in a maze of wrecked cars) Rigsby: Hey, listen. (We hear, muffled calls from people) Cho: There. (Cho breaks a lock on a refrigerator truck, opens the door and they find twenty women, children crammed inside) Day. CBI offices, an interrogation room. (Lynch, Rigsby, Cho. Hightower and Jane are in the next room, they watch the examination) Lynch: You have misread the situation, agents. I am entirely ignorant of whatever it is that you are accusing me of. Rigsby: You're lying. We've got the phone records. You called your goons and told 'em to lock those women up so your guys could escape. Lynch: I'm sorry. Goons? What goons? And records can be faked. Rigsby: No, those women in the truck, that was you. Hector Brava, that was you, too. Lynch: You're wrong. I weep for those poor souls you found. And as I said, Hector was a dear friend. Cho: What about Carmen? Lynch: Who's Carmen? And where's my lawyer? Hightower: Tough. Jane: Sociopath. Wolf among the sheep. Hightower: He's a caught wolf now. (Hightower and Jane leave the room, talking, walking towards the team's office) Hightower: Phone call's enough to connect him to about 20 different felony charges, not even counting the homicide. He's going away for a long time. (Jane stops in front of Lisbon's office where Frye is) Hightower: She likes you, that one. Jane: Which one? Hightower: The blonde one. Jane: What? Hightower: And you like her. Jane: Wha, I'm not so sure I know where this is headed. Hightower: You know exactly where this is headed. Do you ever consider dating again? Do you? Jane: How did we get to this point so quickly? Hightower: I'm just saying, I think it would be a good thing. (Lisbon and Frye leave the office, are with Jane and Hightower) Lisbon: What would? Hightower: Uh, charging Lynch with Brava's murder. How close are we? Lisbon: A confession would help. Jane: Well, why don't you ask one of her spirits? I'm sure they'll provide the evidence that's needed. Lisbon: Where are you going? Jane: This case is solving itself without me. I have errands to run. (Jane walks away) Hightower: Lisbon. Lisbon: Yeah. (Jane waiting for the elevator, Frye joins) Frye: Christopher Lynch didn't kill Brava. Jane: No. The emotion he was trying to conceal was contempt. Lynch didn't consider him worth killing. Frye: A deeply evil man, but not one who committed this crime. Jane: Mm. (The elevator arrives, they go in) Frye: What if I didn't say "spirits"? What if I said "instincts"? Would that be something you could accept? Jane: Oh, well, maybe. Frye: 'Cause they're telling me to come with you. Jane: Are they? Why? Frye: 'Cause the last time you spoke with Ilsa Engels, she threw a teacup at your head. Jane: It was a saucer. It wasn't a teacup. And who said I'm going to see Ilsa Engels? Frye: Tell me that you're not. She thinks well of me. I can communicate with her husband. And she'll only talk to you if I'm there. Jane: Well, I guess I have no choice but to bring you along with me. Frye: You think you manipulated me into coming with you, don't you? Jane: No, I don't. I think you manipulated me into thinking I manipulated you into coming with me. (Jane gets out of the elevator on the first floor) Ilsa Brava's home (Jane, Frye, Ilsa Brava) Jane: Okay, I'm just gonna come straight out, and I'm gonna say I'm sorry for the, uh, obnoxious infidelity remarks earlier, and I humbly beg your forgiveness. Ilsa Brava: Mm. Jane: Sorry. Frye: Would you mind talking to us a little bit about Tariq Sharif? Ilsa Brava: He was drunk. He said things he shouldn't have said, and I excused myself from his company. Jane: And then your husband punched him in the face. Ilsa Brava: I didn't tell Hector to hit him, if that's what you're asking. I won't pretend I'm particularly sad that Hector punched him. He said things that he, he acted like a pig and an ass. Jane: A pig and an ass? That can't be good. Frye: We need to ask you again about the night before Hector died. (Jane notices a wedding photo placed on a coffee table, March 1997. Jane develops a mischievous smile.) Ilsa Brava: I, um... I had a department meeting. I stayed up in Berkeley. Frye: And, um, is there any chance that a woman could've been visiting with Hector that night? Ilsa Brava: If Tariq said that, he's lying. He wouldn't dare say that if Hector was still alive. It's disgusting. Jane (syllables of equal length): Disgusting. EXT. Day. The hotel grounds. (Jane and Frye walk side by side) Frye: Um, well, I, I guess I should go. Jane: Okay. Well, I still have some business to attend to here, so, uh... Frye: Yeah, I'm gonna catch a cab out front. Jane: Okay. Frye: Okay. (Frye walks away a few yards) Jane: Oh, nice call on the cherry blossoms, by the way. Frye: How so? Jane: The wedding photograph, March '97, D. C. March through to April is the annual Cherry Blossom Festival in D. C. Frye: Patrick, you credit me with far too much cunning. Jane: You're very good. Very compelling. Frye: Thank you. I'll see you later. Jane: Bye. (Jane returns to the hotel) Jane (phonecall to Lisbon): Lisbon. Meet me at the hotel bar. (In the hotel bar, Jane having a drink with a young woman) Jane: Cheers. (to Lisbon, who arrives) Oh, sweetheart, there you are. Join us. Uh, I've got us a room, and our friend here... (Jane turns to the woman sitting next to him) Blonde sitting at the bar with Jane: Novella. Jane: Novella. She's gonna help us explore some boundaries. Lisbon: No, she's not. Jane: Work with me, Teresa. (to Novella) You're pretty, uh, well, you're pretty adventurous, right? Because my, my lady, she, she gets a little out there at times. Lisbon: Gettin' there now. Novella: Let's go upstairs and see. You just have to work things out with Howie. Jane: Okay. Barkeep! Barman: How can I help you? Another bottle of the good stuff? Jane: Uh, no, thanks. Uh... you're the pimp? Barman: Hey. Not nice. Jane: Well, business manager, then. Barman: Concerned friend. Jane: Whatever. We'd like to take our little soir e upstairs to a more private location. Novella says that we have to talk to you. Barman: If it's gonna be the two of you, it's gonna be extra. Jane (indicating Lisbon): Sure. She's paying. Lisbon: I should probably tell you that I am Agent for the California Bureau of Investigation. (Lisbon shows her CBI card) Novella: Oh, wow. Jane: She has a gun, too. And handcuffs. Barman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is entrapment. I want a lawyer. Jane: What you want is to take a look at this picture and tell me if you recognize this man. (Jane shows a picture to the bartender) Barman: Nope. Never seen him. (Did not recognize Brava) But that guy, him I recognize. (Recognizes Bigelow) He was in here getting a girl just the other night. [SCENE_BREAK] The CBI offices - interrogation room. (Lisbon, Bigelow) Bigelow: No. No way. Look, I might not be Denzel, but I do okay. Besides, I couldn't afford a prostitute on my salary, believe me. Lisbon: Not for you. For your boss, Brava. Is that something you did a lot of, procuring women for him? Bigelow: Wow. The man's dead. Are you seriously gonna drag his name through the mud like this? Lisbon: I'm not looking to destroy anybody's reputation, Russell. I just need to know what happened. Bigelow: Ilsa was back in Berkeley. He called me and said he needed me to do him a favor. He couldn't go down to the bar himself, because somebody would recognize him. Lisbon: Somebody could've recognized you. Bigelow: Nobody did. I was lucky. Lisbon: It was hard for you. Bigelow: Sure. Sure, it would've been easier if he didn't do it at all, but... Look, a, all I could do was just keep him from getting caught. Lisbon: Is there anything you can tell us about the girl? Bigelow: Uh... I think her name was... Claret. INT. CBI office (Van Pelt, Claret) Claret: Claret. It's French. Van Pelt: What did Brava mean when he said he wanted to make it regular? Claret: Well, I mean, not, like, actually regular, because he died and all, but every Thursday afternoon, it was gonna be. He had a place up in Oakland, he told me. Van Pelt: Do you have an address? Claret: Sure. And a key, too. EXT. Day. Hector Brava's Oakland Townhouse. (Cho and Rigsby come to the house of Brava) Rigsby: I think it's this one on the left. Cho: Yeah. (in Brava's house) Rigsby: So would you ever, uh... You know... Cho: Pay for s*x? No. Rigsby: Yeah. It's weird, right? Cho: Weird? No. Expensive. Rigsby: Hey. Check this out. Cho: "Carmen." Bingo. (Business card. "Therapeutic Massage. call Carmen 415.555.0168") CBI offices. (Cho, Rigsby, Jane, Lisbon) Lisbon: What do you got? Cho: Well, we tracked Carmen's phone number. It's an apartment rented to a Sally Alvarez. Lisbon: So "Carmen" was just a name she used for work? Cho: Mm. Alvarez has been picked up a couple times for soliciting, once for possession. She skipped on that apartment about a month ago, but her P. O. gave us an address that was good as of last week. Lisbon: Call Burnside. Tell him we're gonna pick her up. Van Pelt: Hey, boss. There was a Carmen Reyes who called Brava on his hotel phone twice the night before he died. Left her name on the hotel messaging system. Cho: There's no record of Sally Alvarez calling the hotel, home or cell. Lisbon: Where did the call originate from? Van Pelt: Sunset Horizon Motor Court in San Desidera. A Carmen Reyes checked in two days ago. She's still there. Lisbon: All right. Then we've got two locations to look for her at. Jane: Or we have two Carmens. Lisbon: Two Carmens? Jane: Two Carmens. Van Pelt: What does that mean, two Carmens? Jane: Well, it means things are getting interesting. Lisbon: Ah, well, as long as it's interesting for you. Jane: I'll go with Van Pelt. EXT. Day (Jane leans on the roof of a car looking at the motel) Jane: There's just something about motels, old-fashioned and illicit, both at the same time. Frye: Is that an invitation? (Frye arrives from behind and surprises Jane) Jane: Whoa. Well, look at you, just showing up like a bad Penny. Frye: I had a premonition you'd be here. Jane: Really? Frye: No. Lisbon told me. (Van Pelt arrives) Van Pelt: Upstairs. 204. Jane: Grace, you know Kristina? Van Pelt: Yeah. Hi. Frye: Hi. Van Pelt: Did your psychic powers tell you to come? Frye: I did have an instinct you were about to get a break in this case. Jane: Oh, I think you might have just made Agent Van Pelt's day. Van Pelt: We're looking for Carmen Reyes. Actually, we have two addresses for her. This is just one of 'em. Her real name is Sally Alvarez. Frye: Wait a second. Sally Alvarez. I know that name. She communicated with me a short time ago. She's passed over. Sally Alvarez property (Cho, Rigsby, Sally's building caretaker) Caretaker: I'm pretty sure she's still in there. Sally? Sally? Cho: Open it up. Step back, sir. (The custodian opens the door of the apartment, Cho and Rigsby enter inside) She's down. (Cho phones Van Pelt) Van Pelt: Hey, Cho. Cho: We found Sally Alvarez. She's been dead for about six hours. Blunt force trauma to the head. Van Pelt: She's dead? Oh, my God. That's amazing. Cho: Why? Van Pelt: Kristina Frye said Sally passed over. She predicted it. Cho: She did? Van Pelt: Yes. Jane: Can I have that? (taking the phone from Van Pelt) Thank you. Cho, please do not believe this mystic mumbo jumbo. Gullible Grace buried the lead. I was right. There were two Carmens. Cho: There were? Jane: That's right, and we have the real one right here. Carmen Reyes. She claims to be Hector Brava's daughter. CBI Interrogation Room (Van Pelt and Carmen Reyes. Jane, Lisbon and Frye in the next room observe the interview) Carmen Reyes (Brava's daughter): A year ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Uh, it got bad very fast. She was gone in less than a month. Before she died, she told me Hector Brava was my father. And after the funeral, I wrote to him. I never heard back. I thought maybe he'd forgotten her. I wrote there was nothing I wanted from him, only to meet the man who was my father. Van Pelt: He still didn't answer? Carmen Reyes: I saw somewhere that he was delivering a speech here. I thought I'd go confront him. Van Pelt: You were angry. Carmen Reyes: I wanted to talk to him. Van Pelt: Did you? When? The morning he died? Carmen Reyes: The night before. I went to his suite. Van Pelt: What happened? Carmen Reyes: He let me in. He was friendly, until I told him I was his daughter. He got very upset and angry. He said, I could not be his daughter. He said, he already met his daughter, and what kind of scam was I trying to play? He turned so pale and shook all over. He threw me out of the room and locked the door, so I left. Van Pelt: And that was last time you saw him? Carmen Reyes: On the news, it said what happened. I didn't know what to do. Van Pelt: And what about the text message? Did you send that? Carmen Reyes: I don't have a phone. Jane: So is she telling the truth? Frye: I'm not sure. Brava's spirit is deeply conflicted. I can't get a clear reading. Jane: What are you using, dial-up? Lisbon: My question is, if she's telling the truth, why was Sally Alvarez pretending to be Carmen Reyes? (Cho enters the room) Cho: I talked to Bigelow. He kept a record of all work correspondences but didn't have anything to do with Brava's personal letters. There's no way to know if her story checks out or not. Lisbon: If Brava's her father, she's got motive. Jane: She's not the only one. (Jane leaves the room) Ilsa Brava's appartment. (Lisbon, Jane, Frye, Ilsa Brava) Ilsa Brava: I could never have children. Is it true? Is she really Hector's daughter? Lisbon: We don't know, ma'am. She's agreed to take a paternity test. I think she might be telling the truth. Ilsa Brava: So you think she might be the one that killed Hector. Jane: Well, maybe... and then maybe it was you. Lisbon: I have to say, ma'am, I, it's pretty hard to believe that you didn't know about his behavior. Ilsa Brava: Yes, I knew. Hector was a passionate and heroic man who devoted himself to helping others. His flaws were correspondingly oversized. Lisbon: And his behavior was okay with you? Ilsa Brava: I accepted it. The good in him outweighed the bad. If he'd told me, maybe I could've done something to prevent it. Maybe I could've saved him. Jane: What for? How could you not want to get away from his serial philandering, from the prison of your loveless marriage? Ilsa Brava: That's not true! I loved my husband, and he loved me! Jane: Well, maybe we can get in contact with him now. Ilsa Brava: You could do that, couldn't you? Jane: It would certainly clear up a few things. Ilsa Brava: Would you do that? Would you talk to my husband? Frye: Yes, Ilsa. Lisbon (to Jane): What are you doing? Jane: What does it look like I'm doing? Hotel Grounds. (Jane, Lisbon, Frye, Sheriff Burnside) Jane: Okay, so Van Pelt is bringing Carmen. Rigsby's gonna bring Richard Bigelow. Cho is gonna pick up Tariq Sharif and Stacey. So we're all set. Sherrif Burnside: What's all set for what? Jane: We're all set for, uh, Kristina Frye to contact Hector Brava's spirit. Frye: I need everybody connected with his passing. Sherrif Burnside: Okay. Well, uh, I guess... Jane (to Frye, in a deep voice): Now listen, just make sure Brava's spirit has a thirst for revenge. He wants to put some kind of a curse on the killer, you know what I mean? That kind of thing. And then I'll take it from there. Frye: I can't do that. Jane: Yes, you can. It is a necessary lie. Frye: I can only contact Hector Brava's spirit and speak as he wants me to. To do otherwise would be to abuse my gift. (Frye goes off followed by the Sheriff Burnside) Lisbon: Everything okay? Jane: Yep. Everything's good. It's perfect. Ilsa Brava's appartment. (Ilsa, Frye, Jane) Ilsa Brava: Are we starting now? Frye: Almost. Jane: I'll just get the door. (lets in: Bigelow, Carmen Reyes, Tariq Sharif, Claret) Welcome. Come on in. Thanks for coming. Frye: It was your husband's request. Jane: Your husband's daughter. (Everybody sits) Frye: Well, thank you all for coming. Patrick will be assisting me. So in order for this to work, I need everybody to be calm and focused. I want you to look at the candle in the center of the table. Focus on the flame and concentrate on Hector. Now... he's here. I can feel him. Hector... Who do you wish to speak to? The killer's here. Know this, Hector Brava says... vengeance will come. Your blood will spill... before the rising sun. Jane (in a trance): Ohh. I sense him. I, I can almost see an image. I, I, it's hazy. Oh, it... Ohh, it's as if it could just... Frye: Hector. Hector, wait. Stop. Don't go. Show us who the killer is. Jane: There it is. A door. "Employees only." And an empty hallway. Footsteps... close... Close... (Jane frappe du plat de la main la table basse devant lui. Bigelow, son voisin de droite rebondit sur sa chaise, tombe avec elle) (Jane slaps the coffee table on front of him. Bigelow, on his right bounced off his chair) Cries of the women of the meeting: Aah! Ugh! Oh! Jane: I see you. Bigelow: I'm sorry. (He rights his chair and sits.) Man, you scared me to death with that. Whew. Jane: It's okay. You can relax, Bigelow. It's over. I know it was you that did it. Bigelow: What, because I got frantic and fell out of my chair? (Lisbon enters the room with a uniformed police officer) Lisbon: Because you managed Brava's correspondence, you were the first one to read Carmen's letters, yes? Jane: You set Brava up on a date with Sally and had her pretend to be Carmen, and then you told Brava that he had s*x with his own daughter. Tariq Sharif: Lord. Jane: And then the real deal showed up, so you faked Carmen's message, and when Brava walked through that service door, you killed him. Lisbon: And you killed poor Sally Alvarez to cover your tracks. Jane: Mm-hmm. Frye: And now you'll pay for the crime you committed. Your blood will spill before the sun rises. Jane: That part I'm not so sure about. CBI Office - Interrogation Room (Bigelow, Cho) Bigelow: It came in the mail. Just out of the blue. Just a... letter describing an affair Brava had 20 years ago, naming the woman and the place. And that came from Carmen Reyes. Cho: The real Carmen. That gave you all the facts you needed- things about the affair that only Brava and Carmen's mother would know. Right? Bigelow: Yeah. Cho: So why'd you do it? Why put a man through that kind of suffering? Was it the money? Or did you just like having Brava in your power? Bigelow: Do you know I've been running numbers on trafficking for Brava and setting him up on his dates for, like, five years? And do you think that he ever, ever thanked me? Said, "I'm sorry"? Said, "I'm gonna make this up to you one day, Russell"? I knew Sally from a whorehouse up in Northern California. I told her if she pretended to be Carmen, we could blackmail Brava and split the money. The letter just gave us everything we needed to make Brava think that she was the real deal. And he was not one for asking a whole lot of questions, so... Cho: Then the real Carmen showed up. Bigelow: Yeah. He called me as soon as she left his room, freaked. So I played dumb. But then the next morning, he called me and he said, "we need to talk." It was pretty clear he figured it out. Cho: And so you went to the hotel and texted Brava from the service hallway. (Flashback, Bigelow envoie le sms a Brava, qui va au rendez-vous fix croit-il par Carmen, Bigelow le frappe a deux reprises avec l'exticteur, s'enfuie) (Flashback, Bigelow sends SMS to Brava, who goes to the appointment he believes to be with Carmen, Bigelow hits Brava twice and runs off.) Bigelow: I just, I just wanted to keep him quiet. Cho: And Sally Alvarez? You had to keep her quiet, too, right? Bigelow: You know, I was a really good researcher. Cho: I bet. Come on. Lisbon's Team Office (Van Pelt, Carmen Reyes) Carmen Reyes: Agent Van Pelt, you wanted to see me? Van Pelt: Oh, yeah. Hi, Carmen. I just wanted to go over a few things in your statement. Let's go in the kitchen. (Van Pelt and Carmen leave the office Frye enters, goes to Jane who is sitting on the sofa, reading a book) Frye: So... Nice working with you. Jane: Yeah. Yeah, you were very good back there. Uh, you almost had me with the whole "I can't misuse my gift for fear of what might happen" bit. Frye: I did what I said I would. I spoke the words the spirits told me to speak, nothing more. Jane: Really? Frye: Don't you know me by now? Don't you know I wouldn't lie about a thing like that? (Hightower and Lisbon arrive) Hightower: Ms. Frye, thank you so much. We couldn't have closed this one without you. Jane: Well, that's debatable. Frye: You're welcome. Lisbon: Although I have to say it looks like the spirits got it wrong. I guess being dead doesn't make you infallible. Frye: Well, what do you mean? The killer was caught, and justice was served. Lisbon: Sure. But no blood was spilled. Look, he's right there. (En arriere plan, Cho signe les papier pour faire emmener Bigelow par un policier, Carmen Reyes donne un coup de poing a Bigelow qui saigne) (In the background, Cho signs Bigelow's arrest papers, Carmen punches Bigelow) Carmen Reyes: Hey! Hey, hey! Murderer! Jane: Oh, come on. EXT. Night (Frye and Jane leave the CBI Building) Jane: That was pure luck. Admit it. Frye: If you say so. Jane: Oh, I know so. The dead are dead. You can't talk to them. Frye: And yet I do. Jane: Yeah... You're very good. Frye: I go this way. Jane: Okay. Frye: It was nice seeing you again. Jane: You, too. (They shake hands, Frye departs) Frye: Bye. Jane: Kristina? Frye: Yes. Jane: That's with a "K, " right? Frye: Yes. Jane: You wanna go get a coffee? I'll drink tea myself, but you can drink as much coffee as you want. Frye: Yeah, I'd like that. I can't right now, though. I, I have to be somewhere else. Uh, maybe some other time? Jane: Some other time. Frye: Sorry, not "maybe." Definitely. Sometime soon. Call me. (Frye walks away, Jane stays put, a small smile on his face)

When the CBI conduct an investigation into the murder of Hector Brava, the charismatic head of a non-profit organization that fights human trafficking and a top charity organizer, Jane is reunited with the supposed psychic Kristina Frye.

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THE SUN MAKERS BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part Three Running time: 24:57 [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: K9. K9: Mistress? LEELA: Hide. We must keep still. Make them think we will not fight. BISHAM: You have a gun, Leela. Why don't you kill us? LEELA: What? BISHAM: I'd rather die here than let them take us. GUARD 2: Drop your arms. LEELA: Get them, K9. K9: Satisfactory, mistress? LEELA: Get their guns. K9: Satisfactory, mistress? LEELA: Yes, K9. What do you want, a biscuit? We will take this machine and crash through their barrier. Put K9 on the back. GUARD 3: The shooting's stopped. Our lads must have got them. Not our lucky day. LEELA: Ready? Forward. LEELA: What's wrong with it? I said forward! BISHAM: Perhaps I'd better take over, Leela. LEELA: All right. I will have the gun. GUARD 3: Bring them against this wall. That's right. GUARD 3: Look out! LEELA: We've done it! LEELA: Ow! CORDO: Stop! Leela's been hit! BISHAM: We can't help her. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL: Now you're going to answer my questions, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good. MANDRELL: Why did the Gatherer give you this money? DOCTOR: Maybe he liked my face. MANDRELL: You know what I think? DOCTOR: Ah, that's a catch question. With a brain your size you don't think, right? MANDRELL: Now listen, Doctor. We can either do this the easy way DOCTOR: Or we can do it the hard way. I've heard that one, too. MANDRELL: Get him. MANDRELL: The Gatherer gave you a thousand talmars to bring to us? DOCTOR: Well, even Gatherers have their bad days. MANDRELL: Now this is going to be your bad day, Doctor, if you don't start talking. DOCTOR: About what? MANDRELL: The deal. You and the Gatherer made a deal. DOCTOR: I only made one deal, Mandrell, and that was with you under duress, and you haven't kept your part of it. MANDRELL: Now the irons. Another minute. Doctor, you've got one more minute. DOCTOR: Yes, that sort of subtle approach is always more effective than crude violence. VEET: Oh, he's very cool. GOUDRY: Parts of him won't be so cool soon. MANDRELL: This is your last chance. DOCTOR: You're a fool, Mandrell. I don't know why yet, but I was released from the Correction Centre. The Gatherer gave me a cock and bull story about machine error, and he gave me a thousand talmars to make it sound convincing. That's all I know. MANDRELL: You'll have to do better than that, Doctor. DOCTOR: You're not very good at it, Mandrell. MANDRELL: Talk, Doctor. DOCTOR: It's the eyes. No conviction. MANDRELL: I'm going to count to ten, Doctor. One DOCTOR: Oh, put it aside, Mandrell. You look a fool. MANDRELL: Two. DOCTOR: Three. MANDRELL: Four. DOCTOR: Five. MANDRELL: Five. DOCTOR: Ha! CORDO: Hold it, Mandrell! DOCTOR: Thank you, gentlemen. DOCTOR: Nice to see you both. Where's Leela? Well, where is she? [SCENE_BREAK] COMMANDER: She's not numbered, Excellency. COLLECTOR: What? All our work units are numbered at birth. COMMANDER: Some criminals have the number removed by surgery, but there's always a scar. COLLECTOR: No number. A mystery to solve. Maximise her medicare. Bring her to me the moment she's on her feet. COMMANDER: Yes, Excellency. [SCENE_BREAK] GOUDRY: He's asking us to help him! CORDO: No, no, he's not. DOCTOR: No, no, I'm not. I'm not, Goudry. I'm asking you to help yourselves. Nothing will change round here unless you change it. CORDO: We have the two guns, and there's K9 upstairs. VEET: Two guns? What will we do with two guns against all those guards? DOCTOR: You can't do anything, but there are fifty million people in this city. Think how the guards will react to that number. GOUDRY: It's crazy talk. Rebellion? No one would support you. DOCTOR: Given the chance to breathe clean air for a few hours, they might. Have you thought of that? BISHAM: I've thought of that, Doctor. The PCM is the source of the Company's power, but without explosives there's no way of stopping it entering the vapour chambers. DOCTOR: There's always a way. Come here. DOCTOR: Listen, that drug is volatilized into the atmosphere. What's its critical temperature? BISHAM: Two hundred and five centigrade. DOCTOR: Two hundred and five centigrade. So if we lower the temperature in the chamber BISHAM: There are eight of them, all round the city. DOCTOR: What? MANDRELL: But all controlled from one point. DOCTOR: How do you know that? MANDRELL: I was a B grade in Main Control. The Doctor's right. It could work. GOUDRY: Are you out of your mind, Mandrell? BISHAM: How? DOCTOR: You mean take over Main Control? MANDRELL: Yes. There are only two work units on duty up there. You're right, Doctor. It could be done. GOUDRY: It sounded to me like you were saying we should help! MANDRELL: That's what I was thinking, Goudry. GOUDRY: But why? It's a crazy idea. MANDRELL: But I think it could work. And what have we got to lose? DOCTOR: Only your claims. BISHAM: Well put, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, it was nothing. I have a gift for the apt phrase. CORDO: Anything's worth trying. If only we could win. Just think, if we could beat the Company! DOCTOR: There's no if about it, Cordo. We will. BISHAM: What's your plan, Doctor? DOCTOR: First of all we've got to blind the scanner system. At the moment it's sensitised on me, so I can't move from this spot. MANDRELL: What scanner system? DOCTOR: Well, every few metres along the subway there are tubes in the walls. GOUDRY: You mean the sun feeds. DOCTOR: No, I mean the oculoid electronic monitors. They're connected to concealed cables. Cordo, I want two of them brought here. CORDO: Right, Doctor. DOCTOR: Cordo? CORDO: Yes? DOCTOR: Take care. I mean, unplug them carefully. BISHAM: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? BISHAM: I don't think she was badly wounded. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Get this thing off me! COMMANDER: The terrorist, Excellency. LEELA: Let me go! COLLECTOR: Name. COMMANDER: Answer his Excellency. LEELA: I will split you. COMMANDER: Your name! LEELA: Leela. COLLECTOR: Place of birth. LEELA: I don't have to answer. COLLECTOR: Place of birth. LEELA: I don't know. I'm a member of the Sevateem. COLLECTOR: The Sevateem? LEELA: My tribe. Tell this gorilla to take his paws off me. COLLECTOR: Zero zero five on Sevateem. COMPUTER: Zero zero five. Sevateem. Negative report. Semantic analysis suggests linguistic corruption. Inferences degenerate unsupported Tellurian colony. COLLECTOR: How did you get to Pluto? LEELA: By accident, as usual. COMMANDER: Answer respectfully! LEELA: The Doctor brought me in a machine called a TARDIS, if that leaves you any the wiser. COLLECTOR: What is the Doctor? LEELA: He is a Time Lord. COLLECTOR: You were in that criminal attack on the Company Correction Centre. Why? LEELA: Well, I heard the Doctor was in trouble, so I came to rescue him, but when I got here he'd been set free, so we COLLECTOR: This interview is terminated. Remove her. COMMANDER: Erased, Excellency? COLLECTOR: Not as of now. Place her under pending. COMMANDER: Immediately, Excellency. LEELA: Put me down! COLLECTOR: I'll issue an invoice for erasure by close of business today. Zero zero five. The Time Lords. Specifically one known as the Doctor. COMPUTER: Zero zero five. Time Lords. Oligarchic rulers of the planet Gallifrey. The planet was classified grade three in the last market survey, its potential for market development being correspondingly low. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: It's true. If we all act together, there's nothing the Company can do. VEET: If we all act together. GOUDRY: Yes, let's fight the Company. VEET: Fight, yes. DOCTOR: What is this Company? Can anyone tell me that? MANDRELL: Well, it's just the Company. GOUDRY: It gave us the suns. DOCTOR: Shush. I mean, who runs it? What's it for? BISHAM: It makes a profit, that's what it's for. And the, er, Collector is a sort of high official. There's nobody else. DOCTOR: A profit? BISHAM: Yes. DOCTOR: But who gets the profit? Where does it go? VEET: Not to us. BISHAM: They're not questions we've ever thought about. I mean there's no answer. DOCTOR: Wouldn't it be interesting to find the answer? BISHAM: Well, yes, of course GOUDRY: Yes! DOCTOR: Cordo, take these. They're ready. CORDO: Right, Doctor. DOCTOR: Now listen. Bisham and Mandrell, stay with me. Now the rest of you, I want you to scatter through the city and tell the people what's happening. Remind them that they're human beings, and tell them that human beings always have to fight for their freedom. All right? ALL: Right! DOCTOR: You all know what to do? ALL: Yes! DOCTOR: Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: Your Hugeness sent for me? COLLECTOR: You ordered a prisoner to be released from Correction today. Why? HADE: I can explain, your Amplification. He is the Ajack conspirator sent here to foment rebellion. It is my intention to follow him through the tracker system and identify his contacts. COLLECTOR: There is no rebellion, Hade, and your so-called Ajack is an alien who landed on this planet by mistake. He is a Time Lord known as the Doctor. HADE: But how? Your Vastness is certain? COLLECTOR: I simply checked Company records. This Doctor could be a problem. HADE: In what way, your Voluminousness? COLLECTOR: He has a long history of violence and of economic subversion. He will not be sympathetic to my Company's business methods. HADE: If there's anything I can do to help the Company? Long life the Company. COLLECTOR: Issue hourly bulletins. Five thousand talmars reward for information leading his capture, dead or alive. HADE: Magnificent. COLLECTOR: The money to be paid from your private purse. HADE: Argh! COLLECTOR: You spoke? HADE: Merely a cry of gladness at being so honoured. COLLECTOR: Also, bulletin information that the Doctor's companion is to be publically executed for her crimes against the Company. HADE: Praise the Company for ever and ever. Er, where will the execution be held? COLLECTOR: In the Exchange Hall. Admission by ticket only, five talmars. Proceeds to the Company Benevolent Fund. HADE: Enormity will attend? COLLECTOR: Naturally. The execution will take place during the first work shift. Announce a two hour public holiday without pay. HADE: The work units will cry with delight. Such generosity is unparalleled. COLLECTOR: I compute a point oh four seven percent drop in production, which is within acceptable limits. Also, station extra security units in all the subways around the Exchange. HADE: Extra units, your Globosity? COLLECTOR: The computer character analysis indicates that the Doctor will try to prevent the execution. With luck, we'll roll two of them into the steamer. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: Ready, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good. DOCTOR: One more time, just for luck. K9: Duplication quite unnecessary. DOCTOR: Right, well that should do it. MANDRELL: What did you do, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I fixed a static loop, what else. Mandrell, you lead the way. Cordo second, Bisham third. K9, fifth. [SCENE_BREAK] COMMANDER: Comfortable? LEELA: Do I look it? COMMANDER: Shan't keep you pending long. His Excellency has invoiced your execution. LEELA: Good. That means I won't have to look at your ugly face any more. COMMANDER: Be a bit of a treat for us, too. We haven't had a public steaming for months. LEELA: A public what? COMMANDER: You don't know about the steamer? [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Visual scan clear, master. MANDRELL: One more level after this. [SCENE_BREAK] MARN: We've picked them up, your Honour. HADE: Excellent. What's the location? MARN: Service subway twenty seven, district four. I've already alerted the guards. HADE: What? Stop them, stop them at once. MARN: They're on live. HADE: I must arrest him myself. MARN: Arrest him? I thought we were to keep him under observation HADE: All the plans have changed, Marn. The Collector wants him taken dead of alive. HADE: You'd better come with me as a witness. Oh, the idiot. Look at him, look at him, walking up and down where everyone could see him. MARN: A witness? HADE: He could cost me five thousand talmars! Hurry, woman! [SCENE_BREAK] COMPUTER: Attention, Citizens. Attention all Citizens. Stand by for an important public bulletin. Have you seen this man? (The Doctor.) He is an anti-Company agent wanted for acts of terrorism. Gatherer Hade will pay a reward of five thousand talmars for information leading to the capture of the gangster, dead or alive. SYNGE: Hey, five thousand. DOCTOR: Peanuts. It's an insult. The Droges of Gabrielides offered a whole star system for my head once. SYNGE: What? BISHAM: K-keep your hands wh-where we can see them. CORDO: Put your hands on your head. MANDRELL: Stand still. This is a rising, Citizens. Either you join us or you die. SYNGE: I remember you. Mandrell. MANDRELL: That's right, Synge. What's your answer, B grade? Right. SYNGE: You stay where you are. You can't do that! CORDO: It's done. SYNGE: But the vapour towers. CORDO: We're shutting them down. DOCTOR: Yes, nasty horrid smelly things. Carry on, Cordo. CORDO: This is the nerve centre of the City, eh? BISHAM: Yes, in one way it is. All the power is controlled from here. CORDO: All right, Citizens. Are you with the revolution or not? SYNGE: We're with you, brothers, eh, Hackett? [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: Now! HADE: He's not there. MARN: I don't understand. MARN: These scanners are still registering. HADE: I don't care what the scanners say. I do care what the scanners say. Check again, Marn. There must be some malfunction. MARN: Your Honour, the scanner information shows that the Doctor is walking up and down exactly here. HADE: Fool! [SCENE_BREAK] COMPUTER: This is the gangster terrorist soon to be executed in the Exchange Hall. BISHAM: It's Leela! COMPUTER: Tickets for the spectacle are still available. BISHAM: Fetch the Doctor, quickly. COMPUTER: Price five talmars. CORDO: Doctor! COMPUTER: At the Company offices. As a special privilege, during the hours of the public holiday, the steaming will also be shown live on all bulletin screens. MANDRELL: The temperature in the heat exchange is down to seventy centigrade. Shall we keep it at that level, Doctor? DOCTOR: What? MANDRELL: At seventy. DOCTOR: What do they mean, a steaming? BISHAM: Well, they put her into a condensation chamber. CORDO: It's directly underneath here. BISHAM: The heat exchange is regulated by water pumps. It turns into high pressure steam, of course, and then goes into the condensation chamber. SYNGE: It's a terrible death. You can hear the MANDRELL: Shush. DOCTOR: Come here, Bisham. Listen, I. Mandrell! Mandrell, what would happen if we cut the water supply to the pumps? MANDRELL: The heat exchanger would blow up, take half the city with it. DOCTOR: No, no, no, just for a few minutes. Just long enough to get her out. SYNGE: You'd have to crawl through that vent in the wall to get to the condensation chamber. MANDRELL: Doctor, take a look. SYNGE: No, it couldn't be done. You can see what the atmospheric pressure in there is. It would flatten you. DOCTOR: So we let that pressure out. MANDRELL: You couldn't do it. DOCTOR: Why not? MANDRELL: It's a safety system. BISHAM: The only way would be to open the valve from the inside. MANDRELL: And inside, you're dead. It's impossible. K9: Suggestion, master. DOCTOR: What? What is it? K9: As my construction offers more resistance to pressure than the human frame DOCTOR: Yes, yes. K9: It may be that I could function inside the vent? DOCTOR: Yes, but could you open a valve? K9: I could attempt to blast it, master. DOCTOR: Attempt to blast. We'll try it. Get that vent open. MANDRELL: Bisham! DOCTOR: K9, I don't know how to say this, K9. K9: Master, your concern is noted. Please do not embarrass me. DOCTOR: Good dog. CORDO: Look, it's starting. [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: Are we ready? HADE: Almost, your Mightiness. We won't be long. COLLECTOR: A poor turnout, Hade. HADE: Five talmars for only one execution. If we could have offered more victims, made a bigger show of it. Of course, when they can see it all for nothing on the bulletin screens COLLECTOR: Not the same thing at all. No sense of a shared experience. I fear the Doctor is going to disappoint us. Your scanners haven't detected him? HADE: Er, not exactly. COLLECTOR: What does that mean? Either they have or they haven't. HADE: Well, er, the truth of the matter is, there's a fault in the system. A false image. But I can assure your Sublimity it'll soon be rectified. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: K9's done it. Look! DOCTOR: Get the vent open. DOCTOR: Mandrell, reverse the pumps. MANDRELL: Pumps in reverse. MANDRELL: We'll give you two minutes, Doctor. We can't give you any longer. DOCTOR: I know, I know. Well done, K9. K9: It was nothing, master. MANDRELL: Take this, Doctor. It's a two way communicator. If anything goes wrong, you can let us know. DOCTOR: All right. Now, don't call me. You understand? I'll call you. MANDRELL: Right. And Doctor? Two minutes! BISHAM: Good luck, Doctor. CORDO: Good luck, Doctor! K9: Good luck, master. SYNGE: Temperature in the Exchange room is rising fast, Mandrell. I don't think we can hold it for two minutes. MANDRELL: We must. I told him two minutes. BISHAM: The execution! She's going into the steamer. [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: This is the moment I get a real feeling of job satisfaction. Are the microphones wired in? HADE: All round the condenser, most Merciful. We're looking forward to excellent duodecaphonic sound. COLLECTOR: Then we shall hear within a few seconds. [SCENE_BREAK] SYNGE: I can't hold it, Mandrell. MANDRELL: Another twenty seconds. SYNGE: It's going. Listen! BISHAM: The Doctor must be in the Condensation chamber by now. MANDRELL: If we release that heat blast, he'll be vapourised. SYNGE: If you don't, we'll all die! CORDO: Look at the dial! MANDRELL: Ten more seconds.

The merciless Collector, who runs The Company, issues a bounty on the Doctor for his capture, while an already captured Leela is sentenced to public execution, via a steamer, for crimes against the company.

fd_Charmed_02x15

fd_Charmed_02x15_0

[Scene: The scene opens up with a key entering a lock. A deputy sheriff is unlocking the gate to the jailhouse. The gate swings open, and Deputy Sheriff #1 enters. Deputy Sheriff #2 removes the key from the keyhole, and follows.] [Cut to a shot of a long jailhouse corridor. Deputy Sheriff #1, who is taller than Deputy Sheriff #2, has broader shoulders, with curly brown hair and Deputy Sheriff #2, who has dark brown hair, with a mustache, go-tee, and arched and drawn-together eyebrows walk side by side. They stop at a cell.] Deputy Sheriff #2: All right Jessup, let's go. (The camera pans down to a shot of Bane Jessup sitting on the jail floor, shirtless, and wearing orange prison attire.) Bane: (suspicious) Where? (He gets up from off the floor.) Deputy Sheriff #2: Downtown. Evidence shows you've got a hearing. Bane: My hearing? It's not suppose to be until next week. Deputy Sheriff #2: It got moved up. (We see a shot of Bane in his cell, looking confused. Deputy Sheriff #2 yells to the other deputies in the corridor.) Deputy Sherif f#2: Open up Bane Jessup! (Voices are heard in the background.) Deputy Sheriff #3: (in the background) Opening Jessup. (The cell door slides open, and Bane steps closer to the entrance.) Bane: I've never seen you guys before. Deputy Sheriff #1: Well, look! It's your hearing. If you don't want to go, fine. (Deputy Sheriff #1 reaches behind his belt and pulls out a pair of handcuffs. He puts them in Bane's face.) [Cut to Bane being led out of the prison by Deputy Sheriff #1 and Deputy Sheriff #2. He is handcuffed, and wearing an orange prison t-shirt. Next to him, an inmate with long brown hair tied into a ponytail is being led in by a tall, African American Deputy Sheriff, and Deputy Sheriff #4.] African American Deputy Sheriff: Garbage in, garbage out, huh?! (The Black Deputy Sheriff and Deputy Sheriff #4 enter the prison while Deputy Sheriff #1, Deputy Sheriff #2, and Bane continue walking.) Bane: Litvack sent you, didn't he? (Bane looks at Deputy Sheriff#1 and elbows him in the chest. Deputy Sheriff#1 falls back towards a big van. Deputy Sheriff#2 pulls an object out of his back pocket, and shines a blue laser light at Bane. Bane steps out of the way, and instead, Deputy Sheriff#1 is hit. Deputy Sheriff#1 is hit in the heart with the blue laser, and quickly disappears in a small sphere of fire. Bane steps into Deputy Sheriff#2, and kicks him with his right foot, square in the chest. Deputy Sheriff#2 grunts, and doubles over, dropping the laser onto the ground. It rolls underneath a van.) [Cut to Bane. He hits Deputy Sheriff#2's head with handcuffs still around his wrist, leaving an ugly gash on his right cheek. He backs into a car, and charges at Bane again. Bane grabs him by the arms, and throws him onto the ground. Bane moves onto him, and grabs him by the shirt. Deputy Sheriff#2 grabs Bane by the collar with his left hand, and gets up. Bane is still grabbing his shirt, but lets go in terror when the Deputy gets up. Deputy Sheriff#2 is standing up while holding Bane by the collar on his shirt. His feet are about six inches off the ground. With his left hand, the deputy heaves Bane into the air. Bane goes flying, and hits a sheriff van with the passenger door open. He slides down the side, and when he looks up, the gash on Deputy Sheriff #2's face heals magically. Deputy Sheriff #2 turns away, to retrieve his weapon, and during that split second, Bane hops into the van, and starts to drive away. Deputy Sheriff #2 quickly turns around and runs after the van. He reaches for the door handle, and manages to pull himself halfway up the van. The van continues moving, and he falls, closing the door of the van at the same time. The van drives towards a gate and Deputy Sheriff #5, who is right in front of the gate. He yells.] Deputy Sheriff #5: Stop! (He motions for Bane to halt. When it is clear that the van will not stop, the deputy dives to safety. The van bursts through the prison gates, while Deputy Sheriff #2 runs back to the van where he lost his weapon. He gets down on the ground and reaches for it, but is unable to grasp it. Meanwhile, Deputy Sheriff #6 enters the scene through the doors. He gives a brief scan of the situation, and sees Deputy Sheriff #2 on the ground.) Deputy Sheriff #6: Hey. What's going on here?! (Deputy Sheriff #2 turns around to look at him, gets up, and runs off. The camera focuses on the weapon underneath the van.) [Scene: Halliwell manor. Kitchen. Piper dressed in a black and white tank top with purple sweats, walks in with the morning newspaper in her right hand. Behind her, Phoebe dressed in a yellow and black tank top with a white headband walks in with her hands on her hips.] Piper: Leo's mortal now and everything, but for how long, I mean how, how do I know he won't want his (walks towards the cabinet to the left of the sink and reaches to get a glass cup) wings back someday? (Phoebe opens the refrigerator to get a bottle of orange juice.) And then there's Dan, who is still great and normal, (walks to the breakfast table where Phoebe is pouring a glass of orange juice) which is good considering I'm not. (Phoebe looks at her watch.) Phoebe: 28 minutes, 33 seconds. (Piper looks at her.) Piper: Really? We ran that long? Phoebe: No. I've been timing how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan. Piper: I haven't been *comparing* I've just been...talking. Phoebe: Nonstop. (Phoebe puts the bottle of orange juice back into the refrigerator.) Piper: Well, so, you're my sister. I have a problem. The least you could be is more understanding. Phoebe: Piper, I am understanding. You're in love with two guys, who both love you. (Piper rolls her eyes) I get it. Totally! But what I don't get, is why you won't let me help you. Piper: Help me? (Phoebe drinks some orange juice) What are you going to do? Take one of them off my hands? (Phoebe pretends to consider the offer, and smiles.) That's not an option. Phoebe: Look, you're stuck. You don't want to string them along, but you can't make a choice. You need help... assistance...a sign Piper: a *sign* Phoebe: ...a spell. One that will point the magical arrow in the direction of your true love, and end the great debate once and for all. (Piper smirks, and sighs.) Piper: Like that doesn't have personal gain' tattooed across its forehead. Phoebe: Not necessarily. I've been working on my spells. I think I can write one for you that's consequence free. It's all in the wording. (Piper sighs.) Piper: No! I can't. (She walks away. Phoebe turns her head.) Phoebe: Why not?! Piper: Because... I can't expect magic to solve my personal problems. Phoebe: But that's the beauty, you don't have to, I'll do it for you. [Cut to Prue in another room, holding a small camera. She is wearing jeans and a fuzzy pink sweater.] Prue: Hey, when did my camera equipment get here? (Piper and Phoebe both walk to Prue.) Piper: Oh, about an hour ago. I didn't want to wake you. Is everything there? Prue: Yeah, it looks like it. Phoebe: Jeez! Prue! (picks up a box, and put it back down) Think you bought enough stuff? Prue: Yeah, I know it's a lot. But so much of photography has gone digital now, that if I want to seriously pursue it, I have to have the right equipment. (She picks up a larger Nikon camera.) Phoebe: Whe...You're thinking of becoming a professional photographer? Prue: Yeah Why? You don't think that I should? Phoebe: No, no I mean, I think it's great if that's what you want to do, it's just... Prue: It's just what? Phoebe: Well, I-uh... isn't photography just a really dicey profession money wise? (Piper pinches her.) Ow, ow! Phoebe: You know, all I'm saying is that how many women professional photographers do you know? Prue: I know, and that's a totally fair question, one that I've been wrestling with a lot lately, like (sigh) ever since I quit my job. Piper: Prue, you dreamt of winning the Pulitzer in photography back in college! You never wanted to work in a museum, or at the auction house. That's something you did for us, so we could keep the house. So now, it is your turn to follow your dreams. (Prue smiles.) Phoebe: Hey! Maybe finding out you were a photographer in your last life is some kind of sign. Speaking of signs... (eyes Piper) (Phoebe walks off to write Piper a spell.) Piper: No... Wait! No... (She runs after Phoebe. Prue looks at the Nikon, and walks to the mirror, camera in hand. She takes a photo of herself, holding a camera in the mirror. She holds the camera down by her waist, and smiles briefly.) Prue: Portrait of a dreamer. [Cut to Piper waiting outside the bathroom.] Piper: Phoebe, you're not in there writing a spell for me, are you? [Cut to the inside of the bathroom, where Phoebe is indeed writing a spell for Piper.] Phoebe: Uhhh No... I'm in the bathroom. Who writes spells in the bathroom? I'll be right out. (Phoebe sprinkles the leaves of a dead rose over the paper on which she wrote the spell.) "I beseech all powers above, send a sign to free my sisters heart, one that will lead her to her love." (A charm is heard in the background.) [Cut to Prue. She is still in front of the mirror. She is looking at the camera by her waist, when Bane's reflection is seen in the mirror.] Bane: Hello Prue. (She looks up at him in surprise. The sound of broken glass is heard.) Prue: Huh...Ba... (Bane presses a cloth to her nose and mouth. She passes out temporarily.) Bane: Shhhhh. Opening Credits Lyrics: Don't wanna be scared / Don't wanna be weak / Don't wanna be last to speak no / I'm gonna be brave / I'm gonna be strong / I'm ready to take it all on / Making it up as I go along / Making it up as I go along [Scene: Halliwell manor. Phoebe's holding Prue's Nikon in both hands, with her eyes closed, trying to get a premonition. Piper is standing near the table. Phoebe opens her eyes.] Piper: Well? Phoebe: Nothing. (She puts her left hand on her hip, holding the Nikon in her right.) Piper: Okay. We have to keep trying until you do get a premonition. We have to figure out what happened to Prue. Phoebe: Piper, that crack that I made about her becoming a photographer I don't want that to be the last thing I ever say to her. Piper: Phoebe, you're overreacting. That is my department. All you have to do is relax and concentrate. (The doorbell rings.) Here. Try the rag again. (Piper walks to the front door, and opens it. She opens the door to reveal Detective Morris. He walks in, and she closes the door behind him.) Detective Morris: I've got bad news, I've got worse news. Which do you want first? Piper: Phoebe... (to Detective Morris) Uh... does this have anything to do with Prue? Detective Morris: Unless she helped Bane Jessup escape from county jail no. (Phoebe walks into the room. She sits on the edge of the couch, and folds her arms across her chest.) Piper: Bane Jessup. Why does that name sound familiar? Phoebe: Because he is the guy our favorite demon hired to 86 us, remember? Piper: The one we thought Prue liked? Phoebe: Yes. Piper: (to Detective Morris) When did he escape? Detective Morris: This morning. We've already launched a full-scale manhunt. (Piper and Phoebe look at each other with concerned expressions on their faces.) What is it? What's wrong? Piper: Prue is missing We think she may have been kidnapped. Phoebe: And I found this by the back door. (She hands him the rag. He sniffs it.) Detective Morris: Chloroform. Piper: We would have called you, but we didn't know who, or what had taken her. Detective Morris: It'd be a pretty big coincidence if it wasn't Bane especially since you guys are responsible for putting him in jail. Piper: Yeah, but why just take Prue? Why not all of us? Phoebe: Well maybe he's trying to lure us. Maybe another demon hired him to trap us. Detective Morris: Which might explain this. (He pulls a bag out of his inner coat pocket, and hands it to piper.) I found it when we swept the prison lock this morning. It's actually the reason why I came over. I wanted to see if it looked familiar to you. [Cut to Piper holding the object in her hands. It is a small silver object, with a light on one side. It has carvings on it and is intricately designed.] Phoebe: Well, it's definitely demonic. Piper: Do you mind if we keep this so we can figure out what demon we're dealing with? Detective Morris: I can't exactly turn that in to...evidence inventory. (Piper and Phoebe both shake their heads.) Look, I gotta go Let me know if you find out anything. I think that your chances of finding out Bane are bigger than ours now. Piper: Uh, yeah, and could you maybe keep this quiet, because the bigger this thing gets, the more danger she's... Detective Morris: I know. Look, I'll keep it as quiet as I can for as long as I can. Phoebe: Thanks. (Detective Morris opens the front door, and is about to leave, when the deliveryman walks up to the door.) Deliveryman: Hi there. Gotta sign. It's for Piper, Piper Halliwell. (Detective Morris leaves.) Piper: Hmm... Phoebe: Hmm... Can I see that? (She takes the package, and examines it. While Piper is signing.) Leonardo's Boutique...Bodega Bay, California. Piper: Yeah, uh Dan and I were there ordered some earrings. (to the deliveryman) Thank you. (She closes the door. She snatches the package from Phoebe.) Phoebe: Mmm. Piper: The deliveryman said he got a sign. Phoebe: Mmm. (Phoebe looks around, and backs up, embarrassed to have been caught red-handed. Piper advances forward.) Piper: Leonardo's Boutique and Bodega Bay. Leo, short for Leonardo, Bodega Bay, where Dan is from. (Phoebe scratches the side of her head, and looks at the floor.) Piper: (hunches over to look Phoebe in the eye) Don't egg blond. You cast that spell, didn't you. Phoebe: Yes I did! Piper: When I specifically asked you not to. (lightly taps the package against Phoebe's forehead) and at a time like this. Phoebe: I was just trying to help Piper, and it was before Prue disappeared. (She takes the demon object and waves it in Phoebe's face.) Piper: You. This. Book of Shadows. Go! (Phoebe takes the object in hand, and instantly gets a premonition Prue sitting in a chair with her feet and hands tied. Bane is behind her, blindfolding and gagging her.) What did you see? Phoebe: Prue, bound and gagged, and with Bane. [Bane's dream house in Mariner's Bluff. The camera focuses in on a sign that says: G.C. Construction. Mariner's Bluff. Lot-827.] [Cut to Bane, dressed in a dress shirt, dress pants, and dress shoes. He walks into a barren and half-painted room. He walks behind Prue, who is bound and gagged to a chair, and unties her gag, but hesitates before removing it.] Bane: Don't scream. (She signs in relief.) Prue: Why not? (He walks to the right of her.) Bane: (sighs) Cuz if you do, we won't be able to talk. Besides, it won't help. The nearest neighbor is about six miles away. Prue: Then why not take off the blind fold. What are you afraid of? Bane: Are you kidding? I've seen you use your powers before On me! (He considers the thought for a moment.) All right, if you try anything, the blindfold goes back on. (He walks behind her and takes the blindfold off. She breathes hard in relief.) Prue: What do you want? (He walks to the front of her.) Bane: (puts his hands in his pockets) Your help, to save my life. Prue: Yeah, well most people ask for it, they don't kidnap for it. Bane: I'm not most people. Neither are you. Prue: What makes you think that I'll help you? Bane: I don't. (shrugs) But without you and your sisters, I don't stand a chance against this particular demon. Prue: Yeah, well, from where I'm sitting, that's a good thing. Bane: He tried to have me killed today Prue. I got lucky and barely escaped. And he's gonna keep trying. Prue: Why would he bother? You're a mortal. Bane: I'm a mortal that knows about demons. (crosses his arms in front of his chest) He doesn't like that. Litvack that's what they call him. (She takes a cursory glance of the place.) Prue: Where are we? (Bane looks up through the window.) Is this yours? Bane: Was going to be before you came along, and cut me off from my dreams. (gives an accusing smile) Prue: Because you tried to kill me. Bane: Now, that was before I got to know you. (smiles) Prue: You don't strike me as a dreamer. Bane: There's a lot about me you don't know. Prue: Few things that you need to learn about me too. (The camera focuses in on her eyes, and her power sends him flying into the back wall. The wall paint comes off, and he slides to the floor.) Like how I will never put my sisters in danger. (He gets up and walks around Prue.) So you can forget about any of us helping you. (He puts the blindfold back on.) Bane: (putting both hands on her shoulders) Sooner or later, you're gonna have to trust me Prue. (He walks away.) [Cut to the cemetery. An undertaker is raking the leaves.] [Cut to inside a mausoleum. The demon Litvack is standing in front of a large rotating triangular sphere of fire. His hands surround the sphere, but don't touch it. His eyes are closed. Nearby, his servant sits on a stone as Deputy Sheriff #2 walks in.] Servant: About freakin' time! What took you so long?! Deputy Sheriff#2: We uh had a little problem. Servant: Problem? What problem?! Where's your partner? (goes to look out the door) Do not tell me that you screwed this up. Do not tell me that Bane Jessup is still alive. (sighs) How is that even possible? He's a lousy mortal. How hard can it be? Deputy Sheriff#2: He's smart. He wasn't surprised we were coming for him. Servant: Well of course not, you idiot! That's why we wanted him off-ed. Because he knows about us. (Litvack opens his eyes, and the sphere of fire disappears.) Servant: Oh jeez! Think, think, think. What are we going to tell Litvack? (Litvack walks towards his two demon servants.) Litvack: He's gonna tell me how you plan to rectify, this little problem, is how I believe he phrased it. Servant: (to Deputy Sheriff #2) On your knees! (He kicks him in the gut. Deputy Sheriff #2 grunts. Litvack puts his hand on his head, and he reads his mind.) (Flash to Deputy Sheriff #2 missing Bane with the blue beam and accidentally zapping Deputy Sheriff #1. Bane knocks the weapon out of his hand, which rolls underneath a van. The van breaks the gate, and Deputy Sheriff #2 has to leave before he can retrieve it. Litvack removes his hand, and Deputy Sheriff #2 groans.) Litvack: I saw what you saw. (Deputy Sheriff #2 looks up at him) How he used you to kill the other. How he got away, how you lost the weapon... Servant: Wait, wait, wait. What?! You lost the weapon? Deputy Sheriff #2: The guards were I had to run. Servant: To find a mortal? Litvack: All you need to do is follow his dreams. That's where they always escape to. You understand me? Servant: He'll find Jessup. I swear. Litvack: No. (Litvack puts his hand above Deputy Sheriff #2's head, and fire appears beneath him. Deputy Sheriff#2 screams as the fire consumes him, and he disappears in a puff of fire.) (smiling) You will, and then you'll find the weapon. No loose ends. (Litvack walks away.) [Scene: Halliwell manor. Piper hands Leo, who is dressed in a blue sweater, the silver object.] Piper: We couldn't find it in the Book of Shadows anywhere. (He looks it over, turning it around and around in his hands.) Leo: It's a weapon. (Phoebe, who has a red sweater on, walks towards Piper.) Phoebe: Are you kidding me, it's a weapon? Leo: One that can only be activated by a demon. From what I remember, it's handed out by a specific upper level demon to those who work for him. Phoebe: What do you mean upper level? Leo: There's a hierarchy of demons. They try to work their way up by destroying good, promoting evil. Whoever issued this particular weapon is very important. Piper: You mean dangerous... Any idea who? Leo: No. (Leo hands the weapon to Phoebe.) Phoebe: All right, well this weapon may be the only way to find Prue, I'm back to the book. (Phoebe walks up the stairs to the attic.) Piper: (to Phoebe) I'll be right there. (to Leo) Thanks for coming over so quickly Leo, and your offer to take care of the club. Leo: Is there anything else you need? Piper: I don't know, I can't do anything but think about Prue right now. Leo: Remember, you know the most important thing. Phoebe's premonition proves that Prue is still alive. Piper: I know, but for how long, I mean, what if we can't get to her. What if she's hurt? (Piper sighs. Piper and Leo embrace.) Leo: I wish I could do more Because I can't help, I remember all the times that I could. (He leaves through the front door. When the door closes, she leans against it, frustrated about the current situation. On the other side of the door, Leo reaches out, as if he knew she was there. He leaves his hand out for a brief moment, and walks away.) [Cut to Bane and Prue. Bane sighs in frustration. He sits down on a wooden crate.] Bane: I don't think you understand. As long as you're here with me, your life is on the line too you know. Prue: I can take care of myself. Bane: Not against Litvack. You have a fighting chance with your sisters, but as long as you're alone, you're as powerless as I am. Even if you can't trust me, you can trust that. Prue: I told you, I'm not getting my sisters involved. Bane: All right fine. Your sisters came looking for you once before, they'll come looking again. (He walks to the window, and looks at the view.) Prue: Not if I can help it. (Prue lowers her head onto her chest, and closes her eyes. She astral projects herself to Piper and Phoebe.) [Cut to the attic. Piper and Phoebe are researching the weapon and demon.] Phoebe: (reading from the Book of Shadows) A weapon issued by level two demons? (She flips the page, and the camera zooms in on a close-up of the page. On the page, there are sketches of the demons, including small captions of each one.) Piper: But it doesn't say which demon. (The camera pans down to a demon looking much like a vampire, when suddenly, The Book of Shadows flips pages. It stops at a page titled Mariners'. It is a spell, and includes colorful drawings.) Phoebe: I love it when it does that. Mariners? (points at the page) Well, they're not demons, they're sea fairies. Piper: (looks at Phoebe and closes the book) That's because it has nothing to do with Prue, Phoebe. It's a sign. (Phoebe looks down in embarrassment, and starts to fiddle with the silver demon weapon in her hands) Dan was a baseball player, for the Seattle Mariners! Phoebe: (still looking down and fiddling) No one feels worse than I do right now. Piper: Mm hmmm. (Magical lights sprinkle in the air, and suddenly, Prue appears in the attic.) Phoebe: Prue! You're okay! Thank God. Prue: Yeah, but uh Bane Jessup he kidnapped me. Piper: We know! Where are you? Prue: You can't find me. Phoebe: What do you mean? Piper: Huh?! Prue: It's a trap, so just stay away. Don't look for me. Piper: What? Phoebe: Prue? Piper: Wait, wait. Phoebe: Wait, wait. Hello?! (Prue is gone.) [Cut back to Prue and Bane. She gasps as she returns. Bane turns around, and unties her blindfold. He seems genuinely concerned.] Bane: You all right? I thought you passed out or something. (He sits beside her.) Prue: Feeling guilty? That's a good sign. It means you have a conscience. (Bane gets up to untie Prue's hands and feet.) Prue: What are you doing? Bane: I'm letting you go. Prue: Just like that? Bane: I never wanted to hurt you Prue, I only wanted your help. But you can't help me if you don't trust me. And you're in danger as long as you're here. (He helps her to her feet.) There's a market a mile down the road. You'll never see me again. I promise. (Suddenly, Litvack's servant appears at the doorway. He aims the weapon at Bane and Prue, but Bane ducks, and grabs Prue, pulling her down with him. They land on a pile of broken furniture. Litvack's servant aims the weapon again, but Prue sees it coming, and holds out her hand, to send the beam back his way. It hits the wall, and Litvack's servant looks away for a moment. Then, she sends him flying out the window. Glass flies everywhere, as he lands on his hands and knees. He scrambles away, not sure of what had just happened. Bane starts to pant, causing Prue to look at him. She sees that while protecting her, he fell onto a knife. He has an ugly gash on his left waist.) Bane: Told you I never wanted to hurt you. Prue: And you just saved my life. Bane: You think you can trust me now? [Scene: Halliwell Manor.] Detective Morris: Tell me you're kidding. (Piper and Detective Morris walk into the living room.) Piper: It's all over the news. (Piper sits down, as Phoebe turns the television on.) Phoebe: We called as soon as we saw the first broadcast. Look. Reporter: I'm reporting live from the county jail, where an inmate escaped earlier this morning. Detective Morris: Unbelievable. Reporter: A massive manhunt has be launched to find the escapee. A man by the name of Bane Jessup, who was awaiting trial for racketeering, money laundering, and embezzlement. Detective Morris: So much for keeping things quiet. This is a nightmare. Piper: Welcome to our world. Phoebe: You want some aspirin? Detective Morris: What I want is Prue safe, Bane put in jail, and nobody hurt by any... (He sees the weapon on the table. He walks forward.) Do you know what that is yet? Phoebe: We're still looking. We do know that Bane definitely kidnapped Prue. Detective Morris: What, has he made contact with you? Phoebe: No, but she has. Piper: It's a long story, but she's okay. Phoebe: She said not to come looking for. She said it was a trap. Detective Morris: Did she say what kind? (He reaches inside a brown sac and pulls out a thick file of paper. He places on their table.) Maybe this will help. The DA's file on Bane. That's all the information they pulled together for his trials. It's everything I copied before I got your phone call. (The phone rings. Phoebe picks it up.) Phoebe: Hello? Really! (speaking to Piper) It's someone calling for a Leonora Watkins. (She leans into Piper.) Leo-nora (Piper motions for the phone) Watkins. Isn't that weird. (Phoebe hands Piper the telephone.) Piper: (into the phone) You have the wrong number. Detective Morris: Anyway, we believe that Bane has a holdup somewhere. Maybe there's something in there that can tell you where. Piper: So what the hell is he doing? Oh God I hope he's not hurting her. [Cut to Bane and Prue. Bane is sitting on a piece of furniture with his shirt open, while Prue is kneeling on the floor, tending his wounds. Bane groans as Prue tries to clean the gash.] Bane: (in pain) P-P-Prue. (He groans and winces.) Prue: If I'm going to clean the wound, then I have to stop the bleeding I'm sorry. Bane: Do you even know what you're doin'? Prue: No. Not really, but right now I'm the only choice that you've got. So, just try and hold still. Bane: That's easy for you to say. You don't have a set of fingernails clawing into your body. Prue: Yeah, well I'm almost done. (hands him a white rag) Put this in your mouth or something. Bane: Forget about me. Go home. Before Litvack's man comes back. Prue: I told you he's gone. Probably ran right back to Litvack. Bane: So now he knows about you too. All the more reason to leave. Prue: Well, as much as I would like to, I can't. (She looks up at him.) Not until I know that you're okay. Besides, it's probably better just to stay put, you know, I mean now that we've been sighted, they'll expect for us to take off. Speaking of things that need to be taken off (hands him the towel)...you're um, pants. (stands up and takes two steps back) Bane: Excuse me?! Prue: Well, I need to get to the, um, wound. (She looks at him, completely embarrassed by the situation.) Bane: Forget it! Prue: (laughs) Okay, you know what? It's just going to get infected. So you can either take off your pants on your own, or I can always do it by force. (Bane stands up and grumbles. Prue smiles in triumph.) [Cut to Piper and Phoebe. Phoebe walks in and places The Book of Shadows onto the table. Piper sits in a white chair, and she is looking through Bane's records.] Phoebe: I am getting nowhere and everywhere. How about you? Any luck? Piper: Well, I'll give Bane this. He works hard tax evasion, racketeering, pick a crime, any crime. Phoebe: I feel like we're looking right at the answer, we're just not seeing it. Piper: He's got good taste too. There's a whole money laundering indictment here based on a real estate development. Exclusive custom homes they're (looks at the front page) really gorgeous. Check out the brochure. (She hands Phoebe the brochure. Phoebe takes it, and opens up the first page.) Phoebe: Mariner's Bluff. Oh! I'm sure the sea fairies will be very happy here. Piper: What did you say? (Phoebe looks at her) Phoebe, what exactly did your spell say? Phoebe: I beseech all powers above, send a sign to free my sisters heart, one that will lead her to her love. What?! Piper: Because the Book of Shadows specifically opened to the Mariners section. What if the signs we're getting have nothing to do with Dan and Leo, and everything to do with Prue? Where is Mariner's Bluff? (Phoebe opens up the brochure, and looks at a map. She points to Bodega Bay.) Phoebe: Bodega Bay. Piper: Leonardo's Boutique of Bodega Bay. Phoebe: Piper, I think you're right. Piper: Okay, so what were the clues? Mariners, Bodega Bay, Lenora Watkins? Phoebe: Watkins Road Exit. Piper: So we've almost found her. All we need is an address. Phoebe: What's this? (flips through various papers and brochures) Let's see. (She opens up a map of the lots in Mariner's Bluff.) Piper: Are the lots numbered? (Phoebe sits down on the chair adjacent to Piper and accidentally hits the power button on the television remote control.) Sports Broadcaster: In an exhibition game last night, the Mariners lost to the Angels, 8 to 7. In other news, Sami Sosa... Phoebe: Okay now we're back to Dan and Leo. Mariners, Angels. Piper: No Phoebe, 8 to 7. Lot 827? (Phoebe looks at the map of the different lots.) Phoebe: Yes, there is an 827 at the top of the hill. Piper: I'll drive, you navigate. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Prue and Bane.] Bane: Prue, why are you still here? Prue: Because umm, I believe you. Bane: Well thank you. It's been a long time since someone believed in me. Prue: Maybe that's because you stopped believing in yourself. Bane: You known, I haven't always been like this. Wrong side of the law, always looking over my shoulder, I had dreams once. Big dreams. Prue: It's not too late to change now. Bane: Nah, it's too late for me, but not for you. So, you should definitely go, so you can still have your dreams. Prue: (smiles) Easier said than done. Bane: What do you mean? Prue: I don't know. I've just been thinking lately, that maybe dreams are just that. Dreams. Bane: I don't believe that. (They look at each other and Bane moves in closer to kiss Prue. Prue puts her left hand around his neck.) Oww. (They both laugh.) Prue: I'm sorry. (laughs) Bane: I'm not. (They both smile at each other and continue on kissing.) [Cut to Litvack's mausoleum. His servant is kneeling on the ground before him. His hand is on his servant's head, and reads his mind.] (Flash to his servant aiming the beam, Bane and Prue avoiding it, and him getting thrown out the window by Prue.) Litvack: Interesting. (paces) Servant: I know, I screwed up. A Bolivian right? Litvack: This is different. You weren't just up against a mortal. From what I saw, you were also up against a witch. Servant: (shakes his head) No excuse. Hundreds of witches out there, I should be able to handle one by myself. Litvack: This was different. Powerful, very powerful. Take me to this mortal's dream house. Servant: What? They gotta be long gone by now. Litvack: But their essence remains. I'll need to tap into it if I expect to reach their minds. Servant: Reach their minds? (stands up) To what end? Litvack: Theirs. The source likes it when I feed them witches. That's how I got to where I am. [The scene opens up with clothes scattered all over the floor. The camera pans up a bed, we see Bane sleeping, covered from his chest down by a blanket. He stirs, and looks around him.] Bane: Prue? (He looks up and sees Prue standing in front of the window, gazing at the view. She is wearing a white tank top and his black boxers. He gets up, holding his blanket.) Prue? (He walks over to her.) (softly) Prue? Prue: The view is amazing. Bane: It's not as good as mine. (She smiles, but keeps her vision on the view before her.) I thought maybe you left. (He draws the blanket around his shoulders.) Prue: No, I just couldn't really find all of my clothes. (Bane laughs, and Prue does likewise.) I'll help you with Litvack. You just have to promise me that you'll turn yourself back in when it's all over. (Bane looks down at his feet) Bane Bane: You know, I was thinking maybe this us doesn't have to end. Maybe we can go somewhere where we can be together. Get away from all this What do you say? Prue: I would say that you're beginning to strike me as a dreamer. (Bane moves in closer to kiss Prue. They kiss, and just as Prue is about to wrap her arm around Bane, he suddenly freezes. Prue looks at him, and takes a step back.) Bane (Piper and Phoebe walk down some stairs, and find Prue and Bane.) Piper: Oh... my... God! (They both look at the situation in shock.) Prue: Uh... (looks at them in disbelief and in embarrassment) what are you guys doing here? Phoebe: We're rescuing you from the tall dark, and naked man. Prue: I told you to stay away. (She puts her hands on her hips.) Phoebe: Yeah, now I know why. He is yummy. (clears her throat) Piper: I don't believe this! We've been frantic, worried sick about you thinking you've been kidnapped... Prue: Yeah, I was... Piper: (points to the side of the bed) Panties. Prue: Oh, oh! (She rushes to the bedside and picks them up.) Huh, thanks. Look, uh, you guys have really got this all uh (looks at her underwear in her hand) wrong. (hides it behind her back) Piper: Yeah, we know. It's a *trap*. (frowns) Phoebe: A tall, dark, and naked trap. Prue: All right, how did you two find me anyway? (walks away to pick up the rest of her clothing) Piper: We'll explain that later. We really need to be going now because there's a demon behind this. Prue: Yeah, Litvack wait, how did you know? Phoebe: We have the weapon he used to break Bane out of jail. Prue: No, no, no, h-he, he, he tried to kill Bane in jail, not break him out. Piper: Or so Bane says. Prue: Well, I believe him, because one of the guys came here and tried to kill me. Piper: All the more reason we should be going now. Prue: Fine, then just unfreeze him. Piper: What?! You want us to bring him along? Prue: Well, yeah, I mean, I told him that I would help him. And I can't leave him here when everything I have to do is clearly at the manor. (Piper sighs, and although not agreeing with Prue, she unfreezes Bane. Bane unfreezes, and straightens up when Prue is not there. He pulls the blanket further over his shoulders as he turns around to see Piper and Phoebe looking at him.) Bane: Well, Hello. Phoebe: Hello. Piper: Nice to see you again. Phoebe: Mmm hmm. Piper: Would you put some clothes on. (Bane goes to put on his clothes. Phoebe continues to look at him. Piper clears her throat and turns Phoebe around, while covering her eyes.) [Cut to the Halliwell Manor. Bane, Prue, Phoebe, and Piper walk into the room. Bane has on his shirt, and the front is stained with dried blood from his wound.] Bane: Listen, do you guys have any peroxide and stuff? I think I should clean this up. Prue: Uh, yeah. Upstairs bathroom, medicine cabinet. Bane: Thanks. (He looks up at the stairs, and proceeds. Prue starts to walk to another room. Piper and Phoebe follow closely behind her.) Piper: First I'd like to tell you how relieved I am you're okay. Phoebe: Me too. Piper: And second, I'd like to tell you that you have completely lost your mind. Phoebe: Completely lost your mind! Prue: Okay, we have a demon to vanquish. (sits down) Piper: You really want to help him? Prue: Piper, past aside, I know an innocent when I see one. And, I trust him. Phoebe: Prue Prue: Phoebe, I'm going to help him. Piper: Think about this how well do you really know him? Prue: Regardless, Litvack has to be vanquished, whether Bane is on our side or not. Phoebe: It would be nice to know that ahead of time. Minimize the surprises. Prue: You really want to minimize them? Help me find Litvack in The Book of Shadows. (Prue begins to flip through the book.) [Cut to Mariner's Bluff, lot 827. Litvack and his servant are inside Bane's dream house. Litvack has his eyes closed.] [Cut to Bane in the bathroom. He opens the cabinet, and takes the bottle of peroxide out. He closes the cabinet door, when he sees Litvack's reflection in the mirror.] Litvack: Hello Bane. (Bane turns around in surprise. He looks around the room, but no one else is in it.) It's a telepathic image. I'm only in your mind. Bane: How did you find me? Litvack: The essence this dream house of yours reeks of it. It's a beautiful place. Too bad you won't live long enough to enjoy it. Bane: You don't scare me. Litvack: Sure I do. I scare everybody. For good reason. [Cut to Litvack at the dream house. We see him standing still with his eyes closed.] Litvack: By the way, (cut back to Bane in the bathroom) your essence isn't the only one I sense here. You bedded a witch. And not just any witch, one of the Charmed ones. My offer is simple. Your life in exchange for theirs. Bane: Screw you Litvack. Litvack: (laughs) You can't hide from me. I can keep sending demons after you for an eternity, till one of them finally gets you. (Bane punches Litvack's image and breaks the glass.) You know everything, better than you wish you did. I'm evil, just like you are. And you can't change that no matter what you do, or who you sleep with. It's who you are. Bring me the witches, and then bring me back my weapon. And I'll give you all your dreams. [Cut to Prue walking to the bathroom. She knocks on the bathroom door.] Prue: Bane, are you in there? Bane: Yeah, yeah, I'll be right out. (buttons up his shirt) Prue: Hi! (laughs) I thought that you had skipped out on me or something. Bane: No I was uh washing up. (He closes the door and walks away. Prue stares after him. Then, after a moment of hesitation, she follows him downstairs.) [Cut to Litvack and his servant at Bane's dream house.] Servant: (walks up to Litvack) So, is he going to do it or not? Litvack: (holds up his hand to silence his servant) Shhhhhh Phoebe: I found Litvack in the book. (Bane and Prue both walk in from the staircase, hand in hand) But there's nothing in here about how to vanquish him. Maybe that means there isn't a way. Piper: Where there's a demon, there's a way. (Prue and Bane sit down.) (turning to Bane) Our jewelry better be where it's suppose to be. Prue: We need to focus on Litvack. Piper: Do we? I mean aside from the fact there's nothing in the book to help us maybe we should just let bad enough alone. Phoebe: What are you talking about? Piper: I'm talking about our lives, Phoebe, as in saving them. This demon has powers we don't know about. Why go up against him unprepared, what's the rush? He doesn't know about us or anything Bane: Sure he does. (Everyone turns to look at him.) I mean the demon he sent after us saw Prue's power right? You know he told Litvack. Prue: Yeah, but that doesn't mean that he knows about all three of us. Bane: Look, all I'm saying is he knows enough. I mean, *you* don't go after him, he comes after you. Phoebe: How can you be sure? Bane: Because I know him that's why. Better than I wish I did. Phoebe: Mmmm. Piper: Okay, still doesn't help us vanquish him. Phoebe: I just wish we knew what his other powers were. Prue: You don't know what they are? Bane: No idea. (Moment of silence. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe look at each other. Bane senses that they don't believe him.) Still have that weapon right? Piper: What?! Bane: Might be your only hope. Piper: I thought only another demon could activate it. Bane: I got one to activate before, maybe I can do it again. Prue: Yeah, he's right. That's how he took out the demon guard. Phoebe: So he says Bane: What! You think I'm lyin' Phoebe: What do you think? Bane: I think I don't (stands up) like your implications lady! I'm in this mess because Litvack tried to off me, remember? If you don't trust me, that's fine! I really don't care. But trust this! I've had it with all this supernatural crap, and I'll do anything I have to get out from underneath it. Phoebe: That's what worries me. Prue: Okay, you know what? I trust him. And please, I'm just asking you guys to trust me. If we're going to get Litvack, then we're gonna have to work together with Bane. Otherwise, we're all gonna be dead. Piper: Okay Phoebe, let's go get that weapon come on. (Piper grabs Phoebe's red sweater as she pulls her along. They walk off.) Bane: I don't really know what to say. Prue: You don't have to say anything. I'll be right back. (She gives him a kiss on cheek. She walks off. Litvack suddenly appears in a mirror. Bane looks around to make sure none of the sisters are there.) Bane: (to Litvack) We're on our way. [Scene: Cemetery.] Prue: He lives in a cemetery? How clich . [Cut to all four of them walking side by side.] Phoebe: Well, at least it's not a warehouse again Piper: Ah do we really think this is a good idea? We don't really have a plan. Prue: Um yeah! Sure we do. Bane goes in, we follow, you freeze Litvack, you get the weapon in his hand, turn it on him, I mean it's pretty simple. Piper: Still Bane: Maybe you should give me that weapon. Phoebe: Oh, I don't think so! Bane: Listen, the guy wants me dead remember? The only way for me to stay alive long enough for our plan to work is to show him good faith. Phoebe: Double crossing us shows some pretty good faith too don'tcha think? Prue: (sighs in exasperation) Pheebz, we've been through this. Phoebe: Yeah, well, it doesn't change my mind Prue Piper: All right, give it to him, we're either doing this or not. (Piper hands Bane the weapon. He takes it.) Bane: Thank you. (He walks up to a tomb with the engravings: Bowen (William) 1889-1979. He flips down the 9' in 1889, and it turns into a 6'. He flips down the first 9' in 1979, turning it into a 6', and lastly flips down the last 9' in 1979, turning it into another 6'. He opens the door to Litvack's lair.) You guys wait at the base of the step for my signal. (He walks to Prue.) Trust me. (He turns away, and enters Litvack's lair.) Phoebe: I hope we're not making a huge mistake. (Prue looks at her, and then turns to follow Bane. Phoebe and Piper follow close behind.) [Cut to Litvack sitting on a chair, flipping through a very old, and thick book. The room is very dark, and the entrance is lit by a few torches placed in holes in the wall. His servant paces in front of him, fiddling with the weapon. Bane enters Litvack's room. Litvack's servant looks up.] Bane: Hello Litvack. Litvack: Well, well. (closes the book he is flipping through) I was wondering when you were gonna show. (Litvack puts a lock on the book he had just been reading. Bane looks back at the entrance, and then at the weapon in his hands. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe sneak past them in the background. They hide behind a wall.) Bane: Before you kill me (Litvack's servant starts to shine the blue beam at Bane. Litvack looks at him.) Litvack: It's all right. Bane: I wanted to give you something. Hopin' that --you'd spare me. Litvack: Hmm... I'm afraid it's gonna take much more than this. (He laughs.) Bane: Now! (Piper sticks her hand out, and she freezes the whole room. She peeks behind the wall.) Prue: That was easy! (They all come out from hiding.) Phoebe: A little too easy. Piper: Let's just get this over with. (She walks cautiously towards Litvack, and is about to take the weapon from his hand, when he moves his hand away. She gasps, and he smiles. She quickly retreats to where Prue and Phoebe are. All three of them take a couple of steps back.) Piper: Wh... he didn't freeze he wh... he didn't freeze. (Litvack chuckles.) Litvack: I'm immune to the parlor tricks of witches. What's the matter? Bane didn't tell you about that power? Prue: He said he didn't know. Litvack: (stands up) He knew. He just didn't tell ya. He showed his true colors. His true evil colors. (He reaches his left hand out to his side, and a rotating triangular sphere of fire appears.) Phoebe: Prue, I just want you to know I am really pissed at you. Prue: No, no, no wait. Something isn't right. Litvack: This is going to please the source. Prue: Piper, unfreeze Bane! Piper: Huh? Prue: Hurry. Piper: Wha... What? (Piper unfreezes Bane. He looks back at them, and at Litvack's servant, whose weapon is ready to be aimed. He goes behind him, takes the weapon in hand, and aims at Litvack. Prue sees him and smiles.) Prue: Tell the source that we said hi'! (Litvack turns around, only to find a beam of bluish purple light flash towards him. He is hit in the chest, and his own weapon sets off, hitting his servant.) Litvack: Traitor! (screams) (Bane lets go of the weapon, and hits the back wall. Litvack and his servant exchange a few beams before they both disappear in a puff of fire. Prue runs to help Bane up.) Prue: Are you okay? Bane: Yeah. Piper: What just happened here? Prue: Bane just saved our lives is what happened. Phoebe: Wait, are you saying that this all part of the plan? To make it look like you were double-crossing us? Bane: I had to. If I had told you about his power, you would have come up with a different plan of attack. Litvack would have known it. He's telepathic, remember? So, he had to believe I double-crossed you. So you had to believe. Piper: How did you Prue would figure it out in time? Bane: We uh trust each other. (They smile at each other.) Piper: Hmmm. Phoebe: Hmmm. (Prue looks back at them with a triumphant smile.) Prue: Hmmm. [Cut to the Halliwell Manor. Prue and Bane are sitting on a white sofa.] Prue: Strange, isn't it? Being back where we started? Bane: Stranger to me is that I'm still here. (laughs) Prue: It was really good of you to call Morris. Bane: I have to go back it's the right thing to do. As much as I prefer not to. Listen, I don't know how much time I have so uh I really want to apologize. Prue: Don't. I'm not sorry at all. (Bane moves to kiss Prue.) Bane: So we're in an awkward part, you know? Prue: Tell me about it. Bane: Well, next time, I'll call first huh? (smiles) Prue: Thank you for saving my life. Bane: Thank you for changing mine. (Prue moves onto Bane's lap, and gives him a hug.) [Cut to P3. Beth Hart's Just A Little Hole' from Screamin For My Supper' is playing in the background.] Lyrics: Just a little heartache / Just a little hole / Just an itchy finger / And nobody knows / Just a little heartache / Somethin' for the soul / Fingers on the trigger / And nobody knows / What she knows [Cut to a shot of Leo serving some customers.] [Cut to Phoebe and Piper sitting on a sofa.] Phoebe: So who do you think is the source? That Litvack was talking about. Piper: I don't want to know. And boy did we read Bane wrong. Phoebe: Not surprising. We read *all* the signs wrong. Phoebe: Hey! Prue: Hey! Piper: How'd it go? (Prue sits down.) Prue: Um, well, the cops came and took him away a little while ago. So, everything's back as it should be. Phoebe: Are you okay? Prue: I'm fine. He thanked me for changing his life. Phoebe: Wow! You must have been a really good uh (raises her eyebrows) Piper: Influence on him. Prue: (smiles) I'm sure the influence was mutual. So, umm how did you guys find me anyway? Phoebe: Umm I uh cast a little spell to help Piper find her love. It was suppose to help her decide between Dan and Leo, but it led us to you. Naked I might add. Piper: I want you to know I tried to stop her. Phoebe: Yeah, and you probably would have too. If you weren't busy getting kidnapped. Prue: Yeah. Umm So, what was the outcome, Dan or Leo? Piper: I never needed a sign to tell me where my heart lies. (She looks at Leo, and smiles. He looks back at her and smiles also. Piper looks back at Phoebe and Prue.) Lyrics: If I only loved you better / I'd see you smile again / But what's done is done / Just a little heartache / Just a little hole / Just an itchy finger / And nobody knows / Just a little heartache.

When a past love of Prue named Bane Jessup is attacked in prison by an evil demon called Litvack, Bane breaks out of prison and ultimately kidnaps Prue in an attempt to keep the demon from killing him. After Piper and Phoebe catch the couple in a compromising position, Prue convinces her sisters to trust Bane long enough to vanquish the demon. Phoebe decides to help Piper out by casting a spell to help her choose between Leo and Dan, but causes Piper to become more undecided. Prue makes a career decision.

fd_Gossip_Girl_2x01

fd_Gossip_Girl_2x01_0

Gossip Girl: Unlike us, s*x, lies and scandal never take a vacation. Once summer shows its face, they take the expressway to the Hamptons, where a considerable amount of work awaiting them throughout the season ... Imagine the atmosphere of Park Avenue with tennis outfit and swimsuit ... The players are different, but the game remains the same. Nate: I dreamed about that all day. Catherine: You're sure Serena is always willing to cover you, I found a little cold. Nate: Do not worry about that. Catherine: You do not say anything to him for us. Nate: All she knows is that I see someone and I do not want to shout from the rooftops for now ... or forever. Listen, it is not yet really recovered from her breakup with Dan ... so I also cover in some way. Catherine: Let's go home before someone sees us. Nate: In your house? ... It is not forbidden? Catherine: It was a home for the guests. Chuck: Girls, thank you from my heart for making me discover the joys of geometry in my daily life ... I love it! Gossip Girl: Preview! Blair Waldorf at Charles de Gaulle, on the way home. What may well push the Queen B. to abandon her two dads, just as the holidays are not complete. I bet Chuck Bass would like to know. Girl: Mr. Chuck! Feel free to tell us if you need something. Chuck: Actually the only thing I need is you ... you ... and you. Gossip Girl: Preview! Also, Serena Van Der Woodsen on the beach alone again ...What are rumors as the temperature begins to climb between her and Nate Archibald, and usually when there is smoke, the fire is not far. But if the rumor is true. How is it that what Nate escapes our radar and Serena is still playing the solo.I wonder what his reaction would be if she knew the boy was no longer lonely that much. Harris: It's possible! People can change. Dan: I was assistant to Mr Harris all summer. How did I not see you for? Girl: But I was in the room when he gave his lecture in June. Dan: No, impossible! I would have seen if you had been there. Harris: This is to serve justice. Two options available to you. On the one hand, violence. The other, reconciliation. daughter: From now on we will be ... whenever you want. Harris: You have questions? ... You have any views on it? Dan: I think she has not noticed. Harris: And did you notice that I chose to read your favorite chapter? Dan: Yeah, and I heard so many times, I feel that it is me who is writing. Harris: Well, about. You've finished your paper? You know the one you have to go to the end of your internship. Dan: Yes. It's coming soon. Harris: Too vague. Try to be more accurate. Dan: I'm putting the finishing touches. It's ... almost finished. Harris: Noa Shapiro, of Paris Magazine said he was eager to read it. Dan: It's really nice of him talking to me. Really. Thank you. Harris: I said that your next paper would be better than what you wrote for the New Yorker. Try to not disappoint me. Dan: It will be on your desk tomorrow at the first hour. Harris: And if you ended up tonight? Girl: Hi! Dan: Hey! Girl: Where do you hide? I thought we would be here? Dan: I know, but actually I'm sorry, I ... I'll have to go. Do it again tomorrow? ... I'll catch up promised. Girl: Okay. Gossip Girl: Oh, well, well. Talk about a lonely boy. Finally, it has served you go out with Serena and drop. I have a feeling he is so find yourself a new nickname.Why not "play boy"? Laurel: Oh, everybody. I panic here! Eleanor returns next week and it is far from finished. In addition, I have a big party this weekend, so I'm not there and therefore neither should you. I recommend you engage the mega turbo today or else you'll really regret it. Gossip Girl: As for the little Jenny, she had been a very studious, no slippage to report. Laurel: Do not tell me you've finished. It is impossible that you're already over what I asked you. You have no life outside of this workshop, Jenny? Jenny: Well, actually, I wanted to show you something on which I worked. Laurel: We're not in school here, you do not have to show me your work. assistant laurel: I was an intern too. You'll see get fixed! Laurel: What is it? Jenny: Oh, it's a dress that I created for the white party. Laurel: To the feast of vitamin water? ... Who invited you? Oh, lace! And besides, it is not even white, it is ivory, not to mention the fact that you will float in it. You could at least adjust it! It is huge. Jenny: Well, actually, it's not for me, it is for you. I'm not invited to the party so ... Laurel: So you thought that I would agree to wear a Sunday dress crafted by a student eager to see his model on the fashion pages of trendy magazines. There is nothing worse than the ordinary custom. It does work! The assistant: Well, what you asked Laurel. Laurel: Since you're so good at tinkering with old rags lying around. I sort all these buttons ... and stores it to me, this color gives me a headache. The assistant: I'm sorry. Dan: We could perhaps order a little something for dinner. Want to eat Indian? Jenny: Oh, it's too hot for the Indian. And if we take the ice? And where is mom? Dan: She went to a room with Alex. What is all this, homework? Jenny: Have you finished your new? Dan: Almost. Jenny: Great! Maybe it will help me understand why you and Serena have broken. Dan: Yeah ... Yeah me too ... Good going Jenny, I'll look for food. I have not for long. Serena: This is the first time this year, as I see you look in the mirror. It's going you're not too scary? I wonder what is the reason that you got pushed to take such a risk. Chuck: Very funny, sis. I'll just take a look, if you want to know. Now that the triplets are distributed in Rio, I will continue my journey from South America towards Argentina. Serena: And the flowers, what is it for? You should not accidentally intercepted a telephone conversation I have had with my best friend, who mentioned his arrival by bus today. Chuck: What are you talking about? Serena: I conclude that the answer is no and I am delighted ... because you B.ne never forgive what you do to her. Chuck: And that's your boyfriend, Nate, who you've passed on this information? Serena: Nate did not say anything at all. Chuck: So much the better because it would not be very smart of you to follow the advice of someone who pretends to go out with you. Not take me for an idiot! ... I wish you a wonderful evening alone. Serena: Good luck on your suicide mission. Gossip Girl: Preview! Chuck Bass waiting for the bus, a dozen roses in one hand, and his heart in the other. You know what they say? Coming home to find a man, that's cool. But coming home with a man ... um, it's even better. Life can be a real bitch, especially when it takes its cue from Blair Waldorf. Blair: So, that way you've done nothing all summer? Please do not tell me you spent your time doing crossword puzzles and you goiffrant of junk. Serena: No, I did some knitting. Blair: And what's all these rumors about you and Nate? Serena: This is pure disinformation, but it allowed me to make my small depression in peace and Nate was free to do what he wanted and it worked for both. Blair: You're telling me that you do not find a single guy with whom to have fun. Serena: I'm ridge dredge by a lifeguard enough gun, but I rembar . Blair: What, you a crazy but! The lifeguards were invented for that, you use them, then you throw them. You can not ask for more to rebound. Serena: Yes, but I think is ready yet. Dan I still miss a little, then a little more, enormous. Blair: The only thing that no longer go out with Dan Humphrey, is to regret not to go out with him. And if you stay prost e your chair, it's because this year, you do not have your little flirtation summer. Chuck: Yes, the triplets are divided, but I must admit that the Brazilian, there is no better way to make progress in language. A more. Blair: Honestly, the guy James is the classiest I've ever recontr e. I swear. He does not drink as wines, he speaks six languages and then he offered me a sublime necklace with a gold B on the clasp. Serena: I thought it came from your father. Who is James? ... Oh course, I'm stupid.You have one of those chances. The last time we had spoken, you had not even met, I think. Blair: That's crazy? There are so attractive, that I scrambled to the second, besides everything he says ... Chuck: You're lying! Blair: Not at all. Chuck: When you lie, your eyes say the opposite of your mouth. Blair: I did not know robots could be jealous. Someone humanized your software? Chuck: Excellent! We both know that you are using this guy to try to hurt me ... as I've done. Blair: You did not hurt! ... Well ok. I admit that the first days I spent waiting for you in Tuscany, were slightly humiliating, but when I realized that you were not coming, I was fortunately regained the lead and I got a buddy. Chuck: Well, the menial service. You mean the employee of my father. In fact, I did it back just for you. Blair: I owe him everything anyway. It was he who introduced me to James. I think it's the right number. Chuck: Prove it. Blair: I not show you anything. But if you want to learn more about James, he will be with us tonight. I bet he'll like as much as me. Chuck: If by that you mean it does not please me at all, then you're right. See you this evening. Blair: Well, what if we tried to find your lifeguard. But first I must pass from Nate, I have something to recover. Jenny: How are you doing in Vermont? Rufus: Great! Vanessa and her parents came to see us play yesterday. I knew that she was in the corner and when I asked him how was Dan, she did not respond. I had hoped it would help him forget about Serena but this summer ... Jenny: I did not feel he needs help for that, and I think Vanessa is realized. Rufus: He still chaining rencards? Jenny: Well, a different girl every night, it's even a date. I'm starting to worry for him. Rufus: Is he here? Jenny: It still asleep, he came home late last night. Rufus: Tell him to call me when he wakes up! By the way, how did it go with your dress? Jenny: Uh, it went wrong. Uh, Laurel refused to wear it. Rufus: Why do not you carry yourself? Jenny: Dad, it's very nice to want to encourage me to do connaitres my creations, but the white party, this is a VIP area with its own. If you think they will invite an intern. Last year they even repressed Jack Johnson. Rufus: What is a good taste! Jenny: Dad! Rufus: Well, I'm willing to bet that Van Der Woodsen are invited. You in to talk to Eric? Jenny: Well, I ... I dare not call it too, since the last time we had spoken, I said unpleasant things. I have done better to spend the summer with you. Eleanor has spent most of his time in Paris and suddenly, Laurel was kind of mega stressed.And if I had gour e? Rufus: You can not know before going after. Eric is already beginning to be known, then you aviseras. Jenny: Thanks Dad. See you Sunday. Rufus: There is interest. Jenny: Okay Hi. Joe: Not today son. Harris: No it's okay, Joe. He is with me. Joe: Okay. Dan: Sorry to bother you at work. Harris: You would not have bothered me if you had turned up on time. Something tells me that you come empty handed. Dan: All I need is one day. One more day. Harris: What? The sixty days you do not have enough. Dan: I'm sorry, but I ... Harris: Do not sit down, you do not stay! You told me you'd be serious about writing. Dan: I know, I tried to write. Really, but every time I sat, my mind was going elsewhere. I could not concentrate ... Harris: Your ridges are poor excuses for the unemployed which you belong now. If you are not damn to your work, me neither. You can sit on my letter of recommendation. Dan: No, it means a lot for me to work for you. Harris: And you did that prove me wrong since day one. Lay my spare key to the mail, that I'm sure you will have time to do so. Eric: If you call to say sorry, you're three months late. Jenny: Eric, waiting. Eric: No, do not tell me anything, you need my help. Jenny: Uh, yes ... it's true. Uh, is that at least you appreciate my honesty? Eric: Not really. Jenny: Look, I know I behaved like the worst bitches, last year, but what you know, I'm wanted all summer. You're the only person who was cool with me and you've taken it on the chin. Eric: Well, it's true that you spared me nothing ... Finally, I have not seen a crowd of friends myself, I want to wipe out all the lies, betrayals all or other stab wounds that I received. What do you want? Jenny: And Ben, I wanted to know if you were in the Hamptons, right now? Blair: Well, I do not expect a horn. It's not classy! Serena: In addition, the car is downright cheesy. And worst of all is that it looks great pride. Blair: my beautiful track. Good luck. Serena: A too. And if you ask me, I'm with Nate. Ok? Blair: I do not know why, but okay. Where is he hiding anyway? Serena: I know. Salvation. Catherine: I'm sorry, but I could not free myself of the day. I do not feel that the summer ends, I broke out like crazy. Nate: Nothing prevents us continue to see us you know. Catherine: Yeah, but I must be very cautious. Nate: I can be very discreet. Catherine: Discretion is cute at your age. But mine, but it is much less. Let's talk about it later? Nate: If I'm so cute, let us go immediately. Catherine: And if I found a way to make you shut up? [SCENE_BREAK] Chuck: So James, I guess you had the opportunity to meet with Harold ... and what is the name her boyfriend already? James: Who Roman? I've met very quickly to the castle. I also met Cat, which was not particularly welcoming. I have the scars to prove it. Chuck: You seem very close to people who have just met. Is that B. has had time to show you his three favorite movies? Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany's and Charade course. James: It's not funny little face, the third? Blair: Gagne. I hate Charade! Relented, Chuck. Eric: Yes, uh, the QCM on Blair Waldorf does not represent any interest for those who already know the answers. Cece: And that lack of subtlety. Chuck: Thank you grandmother. Cece: Why is it that in your mouth, the word sounds like an insult? James: Well, I do not feel harassed. On the contrary, the more I learn about Blair, I am more happy and ... it is there better than learning a quiz? Chuck: First, you should have taken a limousine, rather than the bus! I do not know if you have said but B. is crazy limos ... Blair: Treasury, you can pass the salt and pepper, please. Chuck: I'm sorry, I just suddenly lose your appetite. Blair: I for one minute. Blair: Chuck! Chuck: I know the story of this pin. You had given Nate when you told her you loved her. Blair: And I asked him to make. I wanted James the door. Chuck: Do ... do you feel about this type, what you felt for Nate? Blair: I think so. Chuck: I'll see you in high school. Blair returns to table. Blair: Well gosh, my pin has foolishly entangled in your sweater. James: It's funny, I had not noticed. Blair: I do not either. Catherine: Well Nate, you have a choice, either in bed or out the window. Nate: What? Catherine: My husband just to park. Nate: Your husband? I thought he was going not until next week. Catherine: It seems he is ahead. Nate jumps out the window and crosses the street in his underwear. Serena: Nate! dude: What is it crazy? Serena: I have no idea. Blair: Chuck is an asshole! He is absolutely right, I have nothing to do with James. Serena: Oh thank you bah, I was thinking too. Blair: If I go out with him is only because I did not want to take the plane back on its own. It killed me that Chuck is realizing that he messed my vacation. Serena: Oh B., I'm so sorry. It was that hard? Blair: I was in my bungalow at the Hotel du Cap and I thought only of him. Right in the fireworks of July 14, all I could see what the b*st*rd is Chuck. Chuck: My limo takes me back to New York in an hour, if you want to enjoy the trip? Nate: What, do not you come to the party white, with all these beautiful girls in light dress? Chuck: Unless it is done sprinkle head to toe, I'm not interested. And then, the city will still be full of tourists as easy prey. Nate: Yeah? Chuck: Okay. And I must admit I have no desire to see B. playing with his dog all night. Blair: If only I could find a replacement more fun than James. It's really hard to find a fake boyfriend, at the last minute. Serena: But I found it nice and intelligent, when we drank tea yesterday and it's pretty cute in its way. Blair: That's the trouble lies. You know Serena, it fulfills its function. Now that Chuck has decided to return to New York, I'm going to let go of James, and enjoy the party as a bachelor. And your hot date, anyway? Serena: It made me feel like drowning myself than anything else. Blair: One step at a time, darling. One step after another. Chuck returns near them. Chuck: Well, in fact, Archibald, as summer ends. I can finally say I've never believed in your love affair with my sister can ... It's going to Waldorf? Blair: It was going so far. Serena: Nate, why are you not reminded me this morning? Nate: I can not speak here! Plan B & C: Chuck: So where is Princeton? I thought you had him on a leash. Blair: James studied at Georgetown and contrary to what you believe, out of sight, does not mean out of mind. Map of N & S: Serena: When you told your girlfriend was hysterical older, I thought she was in college myself, not that she was married. Plan B & C Chuck: You had to have his head also, because your little darling told us he was at Princeton. We are talking to you when you played dress-up with Serena last night. Map of N & S Nate: Catherine dumped me last night. Serena: What, tell me bah. Blair: You've misunderstood, Chuck! In addition, he talks all the time its gourmet cafeteria and its rowing club. Georgetown no doubt. Chuck: I'm sure he told Princeton. Blair: Georgetown Chuck: Princeton Blair: Serena ... Georgetown, is we're going! Serena: Well, it reassures me that Catherine has put an end to all this. We hear about it later. Chuck: Eric, it's me. You were there last night, tell me. You remember what factors studied buddy B. ? Yeah ..., bah it's not what he said to Blair! Try to find out more, junior. I'm in the mood to be right. Dan: I manage to get a job with my favorite author, and ... and, and I'm throwing. I'm waiting all he asked me to take care of his dirty laundry, until befuddle be drunk before noon, which was, believe me the utmost I never hard ridge. Rufus: Harder than finishing your news? Dan: I can not write, Dad! I, .. I do not know why. Rufus: You're talking to someone who has not finished a single song in twelve years, so I understand. What's your point? Talking about. Dan: The end of a relationship between two people from two different worlds. Rufus: Pure science fiction? Dan: Um ... yeah. Rufus: Well if I can afford to offer you a fatherly advice, what ... 400 distance markers ... Dan: I can not finish my story, because I can not understand why I'm with Serena. Rufus: That's what I was about to say, uh ... if I had time. Dan: I'm doing everything I could to spend the summer without thinking of her, because I was scared to see ... The funk that I'm doing something stupid, so, I leftspin, I'm just anything. Rufus: Well you spent your summer escape. I think it might be time for you to face reality. Eric: Not only James Schiller is not enrolled at Princeton, but it is not to Gorgetown and according to my research, there is no advantage to large universities. Nate: Since when do you think you're Sherlock Holmes? Eric: So you think James is ... Chuck: a bad replay? When you go to enter into high society, there is nothing better than fooling a woman alone. We're going out the big guns! Mike ... I need you informed of one James Schiller. Eric: It has a private number one favorite. Serena: Nate! Eric: I know that face. Good luck buddy! Serena: My grandmother just told me you'd be my white knight to the party tonight?But if you're more together with Catherine, why you want me to cover? Oh ...! Blair: James! These six days were totally up to my expectations. James: Me too ... and I wanted to tell you that ... Blair: Me first! ... Sorry. (Eventually I'll see you tonight on the arm of Princeton.) James: What's the matter? What you wanted to tell me? Blair: I was wondering if you would be willing to accompany me to the white party tonight? James: Of course ... I'd be delighted. Nate: I know I should not have me use you after the conversation we had this morning. Serena: No! I understand that you wanna see it, but be frank, that's not why you want to come tonight, will you assess the competition. Nate: No! I just wanna ... I just want to see her with her husband, just once. Serena: Yes, that's what I call evaluate the competition, which is pretty stupid and potentially dangerous, Nate. Nate: Yeah, you're right. Serena: But since I myself have acted stupidly and dangerously in the past ... Oh I'm in no position to make you moral and anyway, I'm not really expect to meet the prince charming in the evening. Meet at 5:00? Gossip Girl: Sometimes the stars align to help two old friends to meet ... But they can also be aligned to rekindle a dying love. [SCENE_BREAK] Dan: Hey! You can take me to Sandpiper? Taxi driver: Yeah Dan: If possible. Driver: Yeah Gossip Girl: I wonder what heaven will offer Serena tonight. Friendship or fireworks? Jenny: Hey! Thank you for giving me a second chance. Eric: Thank you to be worthy. You know you're still in the trial? Jenny: Yeah. Laurel: Yes, it will be his best collection ... Serena: Well you seem like, do not hesitate to visit us, chao. guy: Ok, hello. Catherine: Excuse me a moment ... You try to break my relationship? Nate: I'm thirsty! Serena: I'll go with. Cece: Daniel Humphrey! This for a surprise, it's a surprise! Dan: Is Serena's there? Cece: No, she went to a party at which I myself am invited. I am very late, could you please ...? Dan: Oh, yes of course ... If you really want ... And voila! Cece: Thank you. Dan: Oh, you, you seem ... I dunno, different. Cece: Some things are in remission Mr. Humphrey. And therefore, the way I see things too, when you cross what I went through, I assure you we see life differently. Dan: Yeah, like what? Cece: Well, as is to realize that the recipe for happiness is not necessarily the same for everyone. Serena believes fooled me see this summer, but I'm not blind, you are always in his heart, Daniel. Dan: I had Goure home! Cece: The party to which you will accompany me to a strict dress code. James: Well, getting back to what I wanted ... that I tried to tell you just now, well, my feelings for you have changed and I keep telling myself that I'm doing something really, really stupid, that you do not deserve ... Blair: What you can be funny! James: I'm sorry. Blair: I get tired of listening to you. James: I say something funny? Jenny: A vitamin water. Server: You want what perfume? Jenny: Uh ... rescue, please. Server: Ok Laurel: Put two. server: Immediately. Laurel: So Jenny, how you have managed to go? And with this dress and more. I went to the entry and your name was not on the list. I was told you were there because you went with someone. But I can not believe that a girl like you can know a single person here. Jenny: Oh, look there is just someone I know happens. Eric: Jenny, I present Tinsley Martinez, a friend of my mother and Tinsley, that's my friend Jenny, whom I have spoken and now Laurel. Tinsley: Pleased to meet you Jenny. Jenny: Nice to meet me too. It's crazy, I got a book with pictures from magazines that I cut and you are on each one. I think you are insane. Tinsley: What it is nice, thank you. Eric told me you wanted to be a stylist, you wear one of your creations? Jenny: Yes, it's me who designed this dress is. Blair: What's happening? James: You've used to make Chuck jealous. Blair: Anything! James: It's no wonder you hate Charade. It touches you too closely. Blair: You know nothing. Chuck is somebody who's bad, he makes horrible things and uses people. James: And you think you are different? How could I be so stupid? You like me at all actually. Blair: No, that's not it, finally, you're, you're a bit boring. James: Really? Or is it that you're too obsessed with yourself for you interest in others? You go well together! Chuck: You know support where it hurts. I really admire. Blair: It's all your fault ... I never needed a James if you do I had not stood up at the airport. You've forced me to use him. Chuck: I've have nothing at all. It was your idea. Do not you see it the same? You can not fight against that. Blair: On the contrary, I will fight against it, until my last breath because I could not bear to look you in anything. Serena: Nate go, okay, it's good, try to do another head. Catherine: What are you doing still here? Serena: What she just said? Nate: She asked me what I was doing there yet. Serena: Oh no, this is too much, I put it officially on the door of the club. Nate: I do not know what I was thinking. Serena: No, stop blame you. Look, it's his fault, if things are where they are today. Nate: Yeah I know, but it is so con it all. What I love here is that it is as bad as me right now. Serena: We can fix that! Gossip Girl: Preview! Serena and Nate kissing passionately before an audience dumbfounded. Dan: Sure. Gossip Girl: The problem is that Serena did not expect at all to what Dan Humphrey is part of dumbfounded. Serena: No! No, No, No, Dan, look! Dan: No thank you. Serena: No, No, I expected not to see you, you ... you ... well, I'm really surprised. Dan: It's weird, because I was not surprised. Nate ...! I guess the bad stories are repeated. Serena: No, it's not what you think. Dan: Let me guess. There is an explanation? Serena: Yes, of course. I was just trying to help him make a girl jealous. Dan: Who? Serena: Well, that's tricky. Dan: Why? Surely you can not tell me either. Serena: No, I can not say, but this is not the problem. Dan: If that's the problem. There is never a simple answer with you, you can not say: "I kissed Nate," it has to be "I kissed Nate because someone I can not name, would we see, for some reason I can not explain. " It's always the same scenario here or elsewhere ... Oh, what are you doing here? fille1: I came with a friend and it is a chance. fille2: Because as I know his friend, he introduced us to each other. fille1: And over the conversation, we discovered that after reading Harris, when we were kissing. fille2: You were supposed to be with me. Oops ...! Serena: No! No! No! No! Let me guess. This is not what I believe. Nate: Catherine, what are you doing? Catherine: Why you kissed Serena? Nate: You told me it was over. Catherine: I can not believe you're trying to make me jealous for my husband and our friends. Nate: And it worked? Catherine: Totally. Dan: I confess that I have .. a little out of line. Serena A little? Dan: Yeah, that's right, I screwed up and I should not tell you, but ... it is not .. not the first time this kind of thing happens to me ... I ... there's not had a day where I have not thought of you ... I was hoping somewhere. . that I saw you ... I know we had made the right choice .. but ... it's not that I feel ... it's not what I feel at all. Serena: Well, I .. I have not really want to talk about that now. For now, I just want to make sure the costume of my grandfather is not completely ruined .. although this suit was already totally ruined in the 70s. Dan: If you knew what I miss your laugh. Serena: Shh, shh .. just. Dan: Ok Gossip Girl: When words are too many, there remains only one thing to do ... Dan: We're going from here, would you? Serena: Yes ... Oh, you just want me to say goodbye to a dozen people before ... uh, what you ... Dan: Yes, go ahead, I'll wait on the beach. Serena: Great! Blair: You were right ... I used your help to get back at Chuck. I did not need you to be interesting .. then the sudden I'm not interested in you. I just wanted you to be canon. What you are. Chuck: You fall well! So who is behind this impostor? James: I'm afraid that we have something in common. Blair: I too am a gun? James: Not just ... uh, that's what I was trying to tell you earlier ... I .. I have not been honest with you. Blair: Go ahead tell me. James: I'm not going to Georgetown or Princeton, or in any major universities ... and there something else I have to confess. That is, in fact ... my name is Marcus Beaton, I am English and I am Lord. Blair: Sorry? Why me ... you have not said before? Marcus (James): Most women I meet is only interested in my title. That's why I wanted to make me look like an American ... just to see, but after a few days with you, I was afraid that revealing the truth tee, you're furious with know that I lied. Blair: No, I'm not angry Lord ... um, finally your title here is great, but what would please me above all, it's a bit of honesty to change and it is for us both. Marcus: When you told me you found me annoying earlier ... someone had told me before and I liked it ... Tell me, what do you have other against me? Blair: Fewer and fewer things, but I'll make an effort. Eric: It's very good. Laurel: So I heard that Tinsley had offered to help you find a new course. Jenny: Yeah, it's true. I thanked him, but I learned a lot where I was and could not leave you now. Laurel: Well, then spends a good end of weekend ... Jenny. See you Monday. Jenny: I'm looking forward to it. Eric: You think she was sincere? Jenny: No, probably not, but at least it scrapes over my name. Blair: Chuck! Will you stop ruining my evening. Chuck: I should never have abandoned you, ... I knew I had made the wrong choice as soon as I saw the plane took off. I put my head upside down all summer.I thought it will help me but I was wrong Blair: And? Chuck: I was scared ... I was scared that if we spent the summer just the two of you ... it opens your eyes. Blair: What? Chuck: About me ... Please do not go with him. Blair: Why? Give me a reason and a reason that makes sense. Chuck: Because you are not wanted. Blair: That is not enough! Chuck: Because I have no desire. Blair: Still not enough! Chuck: What do you want more? Blair: The real reason ... the one that keep me going ... and you turn your back ...three little words, seven letters ... tell them .. and I am yours. Chuck: I ... I ... Blair: Thank you ... that's all I wanted to hear. Gossip Girl: It seems that the holidays are often flirts with no future, but sometimes some adventures turn into true love story ... a simple night on the beach may be sufficient to clarify the spirit and open hearts to write a new ending to an old story .. ... Those who burned their wings, trying to erase their memories, to start anew ... While others would like to see some moments lasted forever ... Anyway, one thing is sure, the summer comes to an end ... the days get shorter, fade and we get rid of the last grains of sand ... but the end of summer c is also the beginning of a new season, then we look to the future ... You have not seen anything yet. Kisses, Kisses. Gossip Girl.

As the summer draws to a close in the Hamptons, Serena and Nate have everyone fooled into thinking they are a couple to cover up the fact that Nate has been hooking up with an older woman. Blair returns from abroad with a hot guy on her arm, Marcus (Patrick Heusinger), making a very jealous Chuck question his decision to leave Blair stranded at the heliport. Dan has spent the summer assisting a famous author (Jay McInerney), and clearly still has one certain girl on his mind, which results in him going after her. While interning for Eleanor Waldorf's company, Jenny sneaks a coveted invite to the Hamptons' white Party at which Eric introduces her to socialite Tinsley Mortimer.

fd_Doctor_Who_08x08

fd_Doctor_Who_08x08_0

[ BREATHY GROWL ] The Doctor (O.C.): Start the clock. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Dining car ] [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ] Mrs. Pitt: Is there some sort of fancy dress thing on this evening? Maisie: I don't think so. Why do you ask? Mrs. Pitt: Well, that fellow over there, dressed as a mummy monster thing. Maisie: Who do you mean? I can't see him. Mrs. Pitt: You! You! Throw that man out of my dining car. It's disgusting. Waiter: I'm sorry, Madam. Which man? Mrs. Pitt: Which man?! I'll have your job. That man, right there, dressed as a monster. Maisie: Mama, there isn't anyone there. Are you feeling OK? Mrs. Pitt: Don't you dare lie to me, girl. I won't be made a fool of. Stop it. Stop it. Stop him at once. Right now. Maisie: Mama, there's no one there. You're worrying me. Do you want one of your pills? Mrs. Pitt: Oh, no! Get it off! Get it off! Maisie: Oh! Is there a doctor? Sorry, I need a doctor. Sorry, I don't know. She just, she just stopped. [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] [ METALLIC THRUMMING ] The Doctor: Your train awaits, my lady. Clara: Wonderful. The Doctor: The baggage car. But thanks for lying. The real wonderful is through here. [ TRAIN BELL RINGS ] The Doctor: There were many trains to take the name Orient Express, but only one in space. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lounge ] ( BAND PLAY LOUNGE VERSION OF: Don't Stop Me Now by Queen ) Clara: Of course it is. Foxes ( singing ): So don't stop me now. The Doctor: Completely faithful recreation of the original Orient Express. Except slightly bigger. And in space. Oh, and the rails are actually hyperspace ribbons. But in every other respect, identical. Painstaking attention to detail. Foxes ( singing ): I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars... The Doctor: Most of the time. Foxes ( singing ): On a collision course I am a satellite, I'm out of control. I'm a s*x machine ready to reload. Like an atom bomb, I'm about to oh, oh, oh... The Doctor: You're doing it again. Clara: Doing what? The Doctor: The smile. Clara: Yeah, I'm smiling. The Doctor: It's the sad smile. It's a smile but you're sad. It's confusing. It's like two emotions at once. It's like you're malfunctioning. Clara: Sorry. Foxes ( singing ): Travelling at the speed of light. Wanna make a supersonic woman of you. The Doctor: I just thought this would be a good one to... Clara: To end it. Yeah. It is. It's a good choice. A good one to end on. The Doctor: Yeah? Clara: Mmm hmm. The Doctor: Shall we? Clara: Mmm hmm,. Foxes ( singing ): ...gimme a call. Don't stop me now. Don't stop me. [ TING! ] Gus: Ladies and gentlemen. If you would be good enough to look from the windows on the right of the train, you'll be able to see the soaring majesty of the Magellan black hole. The Doctor: Oh, I remember when this was all planets as far as the eye could see. All gone now. Gobbled up by that beast. And there's that smile again. I don't even know how you do that. [ SHE CHUCKLES ] Clara: I really thought I hated you, you know? The Doctor: Well, thank God you kept that to yourself. There was this planet - Obsidian - the planet of perpetual darkness. Clara: I did. I did hate you. In fact, I hated you for weeks. The Doctor: Good, fine. Well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. There was also a planet that was made completely of shrubs. Clara: I went to a concert once. Can't remember who it was. But do you know what the singer said? The Doctor: Frankly, that would be an absolutely astonishing guess if I did know. Clara: She said, "hatred is too strong an emotion to waste on someone that you don't like." The Doctor: Were people really confused? Cos I'm confused. Did everybody leave? Clara: Shush. Shut up. Look, what I'm trying to say is, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. But I can't do this any more. Not the way you do it. The Doctor: Can I talk about the planets now? Clara: Yes. Go. The Doctor: Thedion Four. Constant acid rain. Had a lovely picnic there once, wearing a gas mask. Maisie: That's a lie. Clara: I'm sorry? Maisie: That's a lie, what you said. Thedion Four was destroyed thousands of years ago, so you couldn't have been there. Quell: Miss Pitt, are you sure you wouldn't rather rest in your room? Maisie: That man's a liar. Quell: Perhaps you'd allow Mister Carlyle here to escort you back. Carlyle: It'll be all right, miss. Just come with me. Quell: Sorry about that. I suppose it's understandable in the circumstances. I don't believe we've been introduced. Captain Quell. Clara: I'm Clara. This is the Doctor. Quell: Ah, another one. Clara: Sorry? Another what? Quell: Well, we've got doctors and professors coming out of our ears on this trip. So, what are you a doctor of? The Doctor: Now, there's a question that's never asked often enough. Let's say intestinal parasites. Quell: I'm beginning to think Miss Pitt was right about you. Clara: What's wrong with her? Did something happen? Quell: You mean you really don't know? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] Clara: There's a body and there's a mummy. I mean, can you not just get on a train? Did a wizard put a curse on you about mini-breaks? The Doctor: It might be nothing. Old ladies die all the time. It's practically their job description. Clara: And the monster? The Doctor: Well, seen by no one except her, which suggests that it wasn't there. A dying brain, lack of oxygen, hallucinations. Anyway, people do just die sometimes. She was over 100 years old. Clara: Says the two thousand year old man. The Doctor: Clara, you actually sound as if you want this to be a thing. Do you? Clara: No. No, look, fine. You know, if you think that there is nothing to worry about, then that is fine by me. The Doctor: Are you sure? Clara: Ah, yes, I'm sure. [ TRAIN BELL RINGS ] The Doctor: To our last hurrah. Clara: Our last, yeah. I mean, it's not like I'm never going to see you again. The Doctor: Isn't it? Clara: Is it? The Doctor: I thought that's what you wanted. Clara: No, what I mean, you're going to come round for dinner or something, aren't you? Do you, do you do that? Do you come round to people's houses for dinner? The Doctor: Of course. Why wouldn't I do that? Clara: I don't know. I thought you might find it boring. The Doctor: Is it boring? Clara: No. Clara: To the last hurrah. The Doctor: The last hurrah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Doctor's berth ] [ HE SIGHS ] The Doctor: It's nothing. Nothing. Definitely sure. 99% sure. Really? 99%? That's quite high. Is that the figure you're sticking with? OK, OK, 75. Well, that's jumped quite a bit. You've just lost 24%. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's berth ] Danny (O.C.): A train in space? Sounds pretty cool. Clara: So, what are you saying? Just because he brought me somewhere cool, I shouldn't dump him? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Danny's place ] Danny: Well, one, you can't dump him because he's not your boyfriend. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's berth ] Danny (O.C.): And two, dumping him sounds a little scorched earth. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Danny's place ] Danny: You still basically get on. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's berth ] Danny (O.C.): I think you should just enjoy your space... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Danny's place ] Danny: Train. At least it's not dangerous. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Clara's berth ] Clara: Yeah. It's pretty boring, really. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Doctor's berth ] The Doctor: Because you know what this sounds like, don't you? No, do tell me. A mummy that only the victim can see. I was being rhetorical. I know exactly what this sounds like. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] [ SHE KNOCKS ] Clara ( whispers ): Doctor, are you awake? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Caboose ] [ BUBBLING ] Perkins: Beautiful bit of kit, isn't it, sir? The Excelsior Life Extender. It's like driving around in a portable hospital. The Doctor: Yes, well, it didn't do Mrs Pitt much good, did it? Perkins: Got me there, sir. Certainly got me there. Maybe it malfunctioned. The Doctor: Oh, I don't think so. The records show that the machine did everything it could to keep her alive. Perkins: Yeah. And almost drained the battery doing it. The Doctor: What do you know? Perkins: Well, I know that when I find a man fiddling with a chair that someone died in, it's best to play my cards close to my chest. The Doctor: Really? Well, I know that when I find a man loitering near a chair that someone died in, I do just the same. Perkins: Perkins. Chief Engineer. The Doctor: The Doctor. Nosey Parker. Perkins ( chuckling ): Pleased to meet you, Doctor. Perkins: Course, there's a rumour that someone or some thing else might be responsible. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] Clara: Hello? [ WOMAN PANTS ] Are you OK? Hello? Excuse me? Excuse me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] Clara: Miss Pitt, wasn't it? Are you all right? Do you need some help? Maisie: My name's Maisie. I'm not mad. Clara: Oh, OK. Er, I didn't say you were, but you've had a bad day. I think anybody could do with a little bit of help after a day like today. Maisie: Computer, open the door. Gus: Call me Gus. I'm afraid this door can only be opened by executive order. Clara: Are you OK? [ SHE SOBS ] Maisie: They won't let me see her body. They should let me see her body, shouldn't they? Clara: Er, yeah, I should think so. It's in there, is it? OK, I have a friend who's really good with locks. Do you want to come with me, see if we can find him? [ ELECTRICAL CRACKLING ] Maisie: Oh! Clara: Or you could do that because that works, too. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lounge ] The Doctor: What's the most interesting thing about the Foretold? Moorhouse: I'm terribly sorry, I don't believe we've met. The Doctor: You know. The Foretold. Mythical mummy. Legend has it that if you see it, you're a dead man. Moorhouse: Yes, I know what it is. You see, I happen to be... The Doctor: Emil Moorhouse, professor of alien mythology. I'm the Doctor. Pleased to meet you. So, the most interesting thing about the Foretold. Go. Moorhouse: Er, well, it would have to be the time limit given before it kills you. I can't think of another myth where it's so specific. How does it go? Er, The number of evil twice over. They that bear the Foretold's stare have 66 seconds to live. The Doctor: No, no, no. Nice try. Very atmospheric. But that's not it. Try again. Moorhouse: A cynical man might say that you were trying to pump me for information. The Doctor: The myth of the Foretold first appeared over five thousand years ago. In some stories, there is a riddle or secret word that is supposed to make it stop. Some characters try to bargain with it, offer riches, confess sins. All to no avail. Moorhouse: Well, you certainly know a little mythology. The Doctor: I know a lot. Because, from time to time, it turns out to be true. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Galley ] Chef: What is that? Chef #2: What? Chef: What is that? [ BREATHY GROWL ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lounge ] Moorhouse: But that's the great appeal, isn't it? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Galley ] Chef: Can't you see? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Saloon ] Moorhouse: Earth legends are such dry, dusty affairs, and always fiction but up here, in the stars... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Galley ] Chef #2: What are you talking about? Chef: Get it away! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Saloon ] Moorhouse: ...anything's possible. That's why I chose this field, to be honest. Hoping one day I might meet a real monster. The Doctor: Isn't that everyone's dream? But you still haven't answered my riddle. What's the most interesting thing about the Foretold? Moorhouse: Well, you can't run from it, that's for sure. There are accounts of people trying, but it never works. No matter how far you run, it's always right there behind you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Galley ] Chef #2: There's nothing there! Chef: Can't you see it? Chef #3: Calm down. Chef: Get it away! Get it away! Chef #2: What's wrong with him? Chef: Get it away! Get it away! Chef #2: What is going on? Chef #3: Stumpy, open the door. Chef #2: Yeah, open the door. [ BREATHY GROWL ] Chef #2: Get out! Chef: Argh! Chef #2: He's unhinged! [ HE SCREAMS ] Chef #2: No! Stumpy! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Saloon ] The Doctor: Nope. Even colder. Moorhouse: All right, I give up, you tell me. The Doctor: Mrs Pitt, the old woman who died. Moorhouse: She died of old age. Nothing supernatural. The Doctor: No. That's my answer. Moorhouse: Her death? The Doctor: No. The fact that you were here to witness it. The Doctor: Excuse me, Professor. Quell: In which carriage? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Galley ] Quell: It was a heart attack. And if I hear anyone spreading rumours to the contrary, they'll be getting off at the next station, termination papers in hand. Are we clear? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Maisie: Do you know what you're doing? Clara: Nope. But I do need to be slightly more skilled than a high-heeled shoe. [ THEY CHUCKLE ] Maisie: Do you ever wish... bad things on people? Clara: Oh, yeah. All the time. Whoever designed this door, for a start. Maisie: She wasn't really my mum. She just made me call her that. She was my gran. Do you know why I wanted to see her body? Clara: Because you loved her very much and were missing her? Maisie ( chuckling ): No. You obviously never met her. No, I just felt really guilty. Like I'd been picturing her dying for years. Like a daydream. Not really meaning it. At least, I don't think I did. But now, it just feels like I made this happen. Clara: Hey, listen. You didn't do anything wrong. Difficult people, they can make you feel all sorts of things. But you didn't do it. You didn't kill her. She just died. Maisie: Are you sure about that? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] The Doctor: I think we need to talk. Quell: This matter does not concern the passengers. The Doctor: I'm not a passenger. I'm your worst nightmare. Quell: A mystery shopper. Oh, great. The Doctor: Really? That's your worst? OK, I'm a mystery shopper. I could do with an extra pillow and I'm very disappointed with your breakfast bar and all of the dying. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Quell's office ] Quell: This is not exactly within your job description. The Doctor: Come on, Captain. Where would we all be if we all followed our job descriptions, hmm? Good question. Glad you asked. In your case, you'd be doing something instead of climbing inside a bottle. Quell: I have followed the procedure for accidental death to the letter. The Doctor: Yes, I'm sure you have. And I'm sure you do just enough of your job to avoid complaints. Quell: You don't know anything about me. The Doctor: Wounded in battle, honourable discharge. And this is just a guess, but I think you've had the fight knocked out of you. You expected this to be a cushy desk job where you could put your head down until retirement. Well, I'm sorry. As of today, that dream is over. Quell: There is no evidence of any attack or other parties... The Doctor: Yes, let's just sit around and wait for the evidence while the bodies pile up. Or here's a crazy thought. We could do something to stop it. Why am I even talking to you? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] Perkins: Er, passenger manifest, plan of the train and a list of stops for the past six months. The Doctor: Quick work, Perkins. Maybe too quick. Perkins: Yes, sir. I'm obviously the mummy. Or perhaps I was already looking into this. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Maisie: This Doctor. He's your what, exactly? Clara: He's not my anything. Maisie: Oh, you mean you're just friends. Clara: Yeah, Of course we're just friends. Oh. Well, not even friends, not any more. Maisie: Well, that clearly isn't true. Clara: It's true. It is. It's very true. Maisie: You do seem to be here together. Clara: Seriously? We're stuck in this carriage, probably all night, and all we can talk about is some man? Maisie: Some man? Clara: Not that kind of. Look, we, er, we knocked about together, we travelled and now we're stopping. This is a, I don't know, goodbye to the good times? Maisie: Were the good times all like this? [ SHE CHUCKLES ] Clara: Yeah. Now that you mention it... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Engineer's room ] Mrs. Pitt: [on screen]: No! No! Get it out! Argh! The Doctor: 66 seconds. It fits the myth. Did you see the lights flicker? Moorhouse: Mmm. Perkins: Yeah, the lights went in the kitchen as well just before the chef saw it. Moorhouse: In all of the accounts, conventional weapons have no effect on the Foretold. It's immortal, unstoppable, unkillable. Perkins: Can we get a new expert? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Maisie: Oh, he was wrong. Clara: Yes. Yes. Yes, he was. Maisie: And, and high-handed and, and thoughtless and, and, and arrogant beyond belief. Clara: Exactly. Maisie: And you got on a train with him. Clara: I was saying goodbye. You can't end it on a slammed door. Maisie: Yes, you can. Anyone can do it. People do it all the time. Except, of course, when they can't. [ MAISIE SIGHS ] Life would be so much simpler if you liked the right people. People you're supposed to like. But then, I guess there'd be no fairy tales. [ BEEPING ] [ SOFT SNORING ] [ RINGING ] Clara: Doctor? The Doctor (O.C.): Wake up... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Engineer's room ] The Doctor: Sleepy-head. Time for breakfast. Knowing this train, it'll taste... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] The Doctor (O.C.): Amazing. Clara: Doctor, please, I'm in trouble... The Doctor (O.C.): Can't even get that right, huh? Clara: Doctor... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Engineer's room ] The Doctor: Bad food on trains is traditional. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: Doctor, please, just... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Engineer's room ] The Doctor: Listen, there's been another mummy murder. So our last hurrah... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: Doc... The Doctor (O.C.): Just became a bit more interesting. Clara: I'm trapped! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Engineer's room ] The Doctor: What? Where are you? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] The Doctor: Clara! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] [ KNOCKING ] The Doctor (O.C.): Is that you? Clara: Yes. Yes. Hello. Can you hear us? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] The Doctor: Ow! Computer, can you open the door, please? Gus: Call me Gus. I'm afraid this door can only be opened by executive order. The Doctor: Oh. Forget it. [ CLARA SIGHS ] [ ELECTRONIC BLEEPING ] [ HE GROANS ] The Doctor: Oh. Now the stupid sonic... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: What? The Doctor (O.C.): Screwdriver's not working. Clara: What? What do you mean, it's not working? Why? The Doctor: I don't know. Some sort of a... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] The Doctor: Suppression field, I would guess. And it has to be a guess because, as I say, the stupid sonic screwdriver's not working. What are you even... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] The Doctor (O.C.): Doing in there? Clara: Well, I was looking for you... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] Clara (O.C.): Mister Nothing To Worry About. The Doctor: What, was I supposed to waken you up? Drag you out of bed... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] The Doctor (O.C.): Because I had a hunch? I thought you didn't want to do this any more. Clara: Look, look, please, can we just not do this now? I think we might not be alone in here. ( quietly ) There's a sarcophagus. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] The Doctor: Is it in there? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] [ LOW HUMMING ] [ SHUFFLING ] Clara: I think we might just be about to find out. Turns out the sonic is working. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] Clara (O.C.): Just not on the door we need. The Doctor: Clara, it's coming. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: Doctor? Clara: Doctor, it's OK. It's er, it's full of bubble wrap. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] The Doctor: But the lights? Quell: Doctor, move away from the door. The Doctor: My friend's inside. Quell: Then they're in trouble, too. I spoke to Head Office. There is no mystery shopper. You're not even on the passenger list. The Doctor: Clara, I'm going to have to call you back. Quell: Come on. The Doctor: You know, I'm going to have to mark you down for this. Quell: You are not a mystery shopper. For all I know, you're the one behind the killings. The Doctor: Oh, come on, Captain. How many people have to die before you stop looking the other way? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lounge ] [ GUNSHOT ] Guard: Get back! [ GUNSHOT ] Stay back! [ GUNSHOTS ] Quell: What do you think you're doing, man? Guard: Please, please! ( sobbing ) Stop! Quell: Get up, man. That's an order! [ HE WHIMPERS ] Quell: It turns out it's three. The amount of people that had to die before I stopped looking the other way. The Doctor: Thank you. Perkins: Same as the others? Guard: Excuse me please. Take his feet. Excuse me please. The Doctor: Ladies and gentlemen, could I have a moment of your time, please? There's a monster on this train that can only be seen by those about to die. If you do see it, you will have exactly 66 seconds left in which to live. But that isn't even the strangest thing. Do you know what is? You. The passengers. Experts in alien biology, mythology, physics. If I was putting together a team to analyse this thing, I'd pick you. And I think somebody has. Someone of immense power and influence has orchestrated this whole trip. Someone who I have no doubt is listening to us right now. So, are you going to step out from behind the curtain and give us our orders? Perkins: The engines. They've stopped. The Doctor: And the facade drops away because what use are a bunch of scientists without a lab? Perkins: Teleporter? The Doctor: No. Hard light holograms. They were never really here. Fake passengers to make up the numbers. Quell: That was my best guard. [ TING! ] Gus: Good morning, everyone. Around the room you will find a variety of scientific equipment. Your goal is to ascertain the Foretold's true nature, probe for weaknesses with a view to capture, after which we will reverse engineer its abilities. Isn't this exciting? The Doctor: You said capture, implying that you can't control this thing. And yet somehow you got it on board. How? Gus: There is an artefact, an ancient scroll. I have highlighted it for your convenience. For reasons currently unknown, the Foretold appears in the vicinity of this artefact. The Doctor: And kills at regular intervals. Quell: Then just maybe we should throw this thing out in the airlock. The Doctor: No! No! No! Perkins: Looks like they've thought of that. Moorhouse: What if we say no? Down tools. Refuse to work. Gus: That is your choice, of course. But it would be very upsetting were you all to die at the hands of the Foretold. Perkins: So hurry up, before it kills you. The Doctor: But even if they agree to this, how are they supposed to study a creature that they can't even see? We don't even know what the species is. The Doctor: Perkins, start the clock. Moorhouse: Approximately one point eight metres tall. Actually, seeing it in the flesh isn't nearly as rewarding as I thought it might be. The Doctor: Oh, dear. Hard cheese. What can you see? Details. Moorhouse: Yes. Yes, of course, of course. Uh Well, it just looks like er, a man in bandages. I The Doctor: What kind of bandages? Old? New? Moorhouse: Old. The Doctor: Whole? Ragged? Moorhouse: Ragged. Falling off in places. I don't know what you want me to tell you. The Doctor: Listen to me! You can see this thing. We can't. Tell us what you can see. Even the smallest detail might help save the next one. Moorhouse: The next one? You mean you can't save me? The Doctor: Well, that is implied, isn't it? Yes, this is probably the end for you. But make it count. Details, please. Moorhouse: Er, flesh. Some of it is visible... Perkins: 30 seconds. Moorhouse: Er, leathery. Ancient looking. Peat bog preserved. The Doctor: Keep talking. Don't waste this chance. Moorhouse: I want to bargain for my life. The Doctor: W-w-w-what? Moorhouse: Well, it says, some of the myths say if you, if you find the right word, if you make the right offer, then it lets you go. The Doctor: This is not a myth. This is real. Forget your superstitions. Tell us what you can see. Moorhouse: This is my life, my death. I'm going to fight for it how I want. Er, I give you... Perkins: Ten seconds. Moorhouse: My soul. I confess all sins. I give you all my worldly goods. Only, please, please, please. No! Perkins: Zero. [ TING! ] Gus: We apologise for any distress you may have just experienced. Grief counselling is available on request. On the bright side, I'm sure you've all collected a lot of data. Well done, everyone! Perkins: It's recording every death. The Doctor: Of course it is. That's why we're here. To study our own demise. So let's get to work. Come on. Chop, chop. [ PHONE RINGS ] The Doctor: Clara Oswald. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: OK. So, first things first. The sarcophagus is actually a secure stasis unit. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] The Doctor: Yes. It's where they want us to put the Foretold if we... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] The Doctor (O.C.): ...capture it. Clara: Well, that would have been good to know. The Doctor (O.C.): Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] The Doctor: Teeny bit busy round here. What else? [ TING! ] Gus: Please terminate your call and return to work. Clara (O.C.): We have some paperwork. Passenger manifests from... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: Other ships. Maisie recognised a couple of the names. These are missing ships. The Doctor (O.C.): So, we're not the first. Clara: No. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] Gus: Please terminate your call and return to work. Clara (O.C.): I've got some progress reports. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: The Gloriana spent three days getting picked off by the Foretold. All died. Performance marked as poor. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Galley ] [ TING! ] Gus: Warning. Decompression imminent. Please vacate the area. [ SHOUTING ] Chef #2: No! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: The Valiant Heart. [ ALARM BEEPS ] [ SHOUTING ] 42 crew, four died. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] Clara (O.C.): Performance, promising. Gus: Please terminate the call and return to work. Quell: I think you should do as it says. The Doctor: Clara, I have to go. Gus: I'm sorry. I know that must have been distressing for you. But if you are disobedient again, I will decompress another area containing less valuable passengers. The Doctor: Less valuable passengers? How does it choose? Perkins: Well, I'm assuming qualifications... The Doctor: No, no, no. Not the computer, the Foretold. How does it choose who to kill? We've assumed it's random. What if it's not? I want full histories on all the victims. Medical, social, personal. Gus: Well done. The Doctor: Don't mention it. Perkins: Doesn't seem to be any pattern. Their travel history, interests, health. It's all over the shop. Health? The Doctor: Health? Are you sure? Mrs Pitt, the first victim. She was over a hundred years old. The frailest passenger on board. Perkins: Oh but the next to go, the chef, was young and fit. It's random. Quell: The chef was ill. The Doctor: What? Quell: A rare blood disorder. Not contagious, but we kept it quiet. The Doctor: Because he worked with food. The next one, the guard? Quell: He wasn't ill as such, but he did have synthetic lungs implanted last year. Perkins: Professor Moorhouse. It seems he was physically fine but suffering from, here we are. Regular panic attacks after a car crash last year. The Doctor: It's picking off the weakest first. Sensing the illness somehow. The fake organs, even psychological issues. But this is good news, because it means we can work out who is next. I want the medical records of everybody alive who is still on board. If anyone's had as much as a cold, I want to know about it. Quell: You really think it can sense psychological issues? The Doctor: It seems so. Why? Quell: When you said I'd lost the stomach for a fight, I wasn't wounded in battle as such, but. My unit was bombed. I was the sole survivor. Not a scratch on me. But post-traumatic stress. Nightmares. Still can't sleep without pills. The Doctor: Which means that you are probably next. Which is good to know. Quell: Well, not for me. The Doctor: Well, of course not for you, because you're going to die. But I mean for us, from a research point of view. Quell: You know, for a doctor, your bedside manner leaves... The Doctor: Well, there's goes our head start. Perkins, start the clock. [ BREATHY GROWL ] The Doctor: What can you see? Quell: Almost feels out of focus. Gives me a headache just looking at it. The Doctor: Oh no, no, no, no. That didn't work before. Quell: What kind of soldier would I be, dying with bullets in my gun? [ GUNSHOTS ] Perkins: 50 seconds. Quell: Someone shut that man up! For the record, it didn't even flinch. The Doctor: Where is it now? Quell: Approximately twenty feet in front of me and closing. Perkins: Forty seconds. The Doctor: Am I close? Quell: It's passing right through you, like a ghost. Perkins: It's not a hologram. The Doctor: If you move, will it follow? Quell: Do you want me to move? Because I can certainly do that. The Doctor: Keep looking at it, but back off quick as you like. Quell: It's teleported away. [ BREATHY GROWL ] It's behind me. Perkins: Twenty seconds. Quell: I think this is it. Still, suppose it's not a bad way to go. Blood pumping, enemy at the gates and all that. And thank you, Doctor, for waking me up. It's reaching for me. Hands on my head. Perkins: Zero. Quell: Ah! The Doctor: Teleporter. That means tech. Then 66 seconds to do what? 66 seconds. That seems very, very specific. Too specific for organic. So, what, more tech? What? More? A countdown clock? Something charging? Perkins: A man just died in front of us. Can we not just have a moment? The Doctor: No. No, no, no. We can't do that. We can't mourn. People with guns to their heads, they cannot mourn. We do not have time to mourn. Everybody, what takes 66 seconds to charge up or to change state? Anyone? [ HE SIGHS ] Am I surrounded by idiots? If only I could see this thing. Perkins: Don't even joke about that. The Doctor: I'm not joking about it. One minute with me and this thing, it would be over! Perkins: You know, Doctor, I can't tell if you're a genius or just incredibly arrogant. The Doctor: Well, ah, on a good day, I'm both. Ancient tech. This thing has been around for centuries. How? Tech that keeps it alive. Tech that drains energy from the living. Scanner. The Doctor: Deep tissue scan. He's been leached of almost all energy on a cellular level. The heart attack is just a, is just a side effect. Perkins: Oh, it's not just a mummy, it's a vampire. Metaphorically speaking. The Doctor: But why take 66 seconds to drain us? Why not just pounce? Perkins: Phase. Moving energy out of phase. That takes about a minute, doesn't it? The Doctor: That's why only the victims can see it. It takes them out of phase so it can drain their energy. You, sir, are a genius! This explains everything! Apart from what it is and how it's doing it. Sorry, I jumped the gun there with the "you're a genius, that explains everything" remark. Perkins: Doctor, I think we know the next victim. The Doctor: Ah, of course. That makes perfect sense. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara ( quietly ): Look, she's had a bad day. That's all. The Doctor (O.C.): Clara, it doesn't care. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] The Doctor: Her bad day, her bereavement, her little breakdown puts her squarely in its cross hairs. She's next. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] The Doctor (O.C.): Every simulation we've run confirms it. Clara: OK, but, but we're in here and, if we stay in here, that thing can't... The Doctor (O.C.): This thing can teleport. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] The Doctor: We need her here. Even the computer agrees. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Clara: OK, so you can save her? Right? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] The Doctor: Of course not. Why would you think that? This is another chance... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] The Doctor (O.C.): To observe it in action. Clara: As it kills her. The Doctor (O.C.): Of course, as it kills her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] The Doctor: If it happens in there, it'll be a waste... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] The Doctor (O.C.): So bring her to us. Clara: How? How exactly? She's never going to agree to this. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] The Doctor: Well, I don't know. Lie to her. Tell her I can save her. Whatever it takes to get her here. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Vault ] Maisie: What's he saying? Clara: He says. He says he can save you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Luggage van ] Maisie: I knew he could get us out of there. I told you, he's a good man. Clara: Yes. Yes, he is. Maisie: And to be honest, I don't know how convinced I am by this trauma sense thing, but if the Doctor says he can help me anyway, I mean, that has to be a good thing, doesn't it, Clara? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Lab ] Maisie: Hello, again. I'm Maisie. The Doctor: Good for you. Clara: We passed the TARDIS on the way here. Thought about getting inside, hiding, pulling the levers and hoping for the best. But we couldn't even get in. There was a forcefield around it. The Doctor: It's probably Gus trying to block our escape route. Clara: But how does he even know what it is? Cos if he knows what it is, then he knows what you are. The Doctor: Well, he has tried to entice me here before. Free tickets, mysterious summons, he even phoned the TARDIS number. Do you know how difficult a number... Clara: You knew. You knew this was no relaxing break. You knew this was dangerous. The Doctor: I didn't know. I certainly hoped. Clara: OK, this. You see, this. This is why I'm leaving you. This. Because you lied. You lied to me, again. And now you've made me lie. You've made me your accomplice. Maisie: What? Sorry? When did you lie? Clara? Clara: Maisie, I am, I am so sorry. [ SHE GASPS ] [ BREATHY GROWL ] Perkins: Do we start the clock? The Doctor: Not yet. The Doctor: Focus. Focus. Focus! All of that is your grief, your trauma, your resentment. And now... it's mine. [ BREATHY GROWL ] Maisie: It's gone. The Doctor: No. No, it's not. Not for me. Cos now it thinks I'm you. The Doctor: Start the clock. Hello. [ BREATHY GROWL ] The Doctor: I'm so pleased to finally see you. I'm the Doctor and I will be your victim this evening. Are you my mummy? But you can't hurt me until my time is up. I think. So are there magic words? Is there a way to stop you in your tracks? Oh, you really didn't like your gran, did you? There's something visible under the bandages. By the way, you weren't being paranoid. She really did poison your pony. Maisie: Oh! The Doctor: Markings like the ones the scroll. Oh, and your father. Sorry. Maisie: What... The Doctor: A tattered piece of cloth attached to a length of wood that you will kill for. Perkins: 30 seconds. The Doctor: That doesn't sound like a scroll. That sounds like a flag! And if that sounds like a flag, if this is a flag, that means that you are a soldier, wounded in a forgotten war thousands of years ago. But they've worked on you, haven't they, son? They've filled you full of kit. State of the art phase camouflage, personal teleporter. Perkins: Ten seconds. The Doctor: And all that tech inside you, it just won't let you die, will it? It won't let the war end. It just won't let you stop until the war is over. We surrender. Perkins: Zero. Maisie ( gasps ): I can see it again. Clara: It's OK. I think we all can. Perkins: Do I start the clock? The Doctor: No. [ BREATHY GROAN ] The Doctor: The clock has stopped. You're relieved, soldier. Perkins: Phew. He's not the only one. Clara: We were fighting that? The Doctor: So was he. Clara: Listen, what I said... The Doctor: Save it. We're not out of the woods yet. Well, Gus, I think we solved your little puzzle. Ancient soldier being driven by malfunctioning tech. Gus: Thank you so much for your efforts. They are greatly appreciated. Unfortunately, survivors of this exercise are not required. The Doctor: Ah, well, there's a shocker. Gus: Air will now be removed from the entire train. We hope you have enjoyed your journey on the Orient Express. Clara: I take it you know a way out? The Doctor: My enemy's enemy is my friend. Especially when he has a built in teleporter. Clara: Great! So use it! The Doctor: A little more work. Clara: Doctor! The Doctor: Couple of minutes. Max. I'll give you a shout. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Beach ] The Doctor: Oh hello, again. Sleep well? Clara: Weren't we just on a train? The Doctor: Oh, that was ages ago. Clara: And? The Doctor: And what? Oh, and we got off the train. Oh, well, the teleporter worked eventually. Beamed everyone into the TARDIS. No casualties, just a bevy of sleeping beauties. I tried hacking Gus from the TARDIS, find out who set this all up. He really didn't like that. Set off some fail-safe thing. Blew up the train. Clara: Blew up the train? The Doctor: Blew up the train. But we got away. Then I dropped everyone off at the nearest civilised planet, which happened to be here. The Doctor: You seemed happy asleep so I just left you. Clara: So you saved everyone. The Doctor: No, I just saved you and I let everyone else suffocate. Ha, ha, ha. Clara: Hmm. The Doctor: Yeah, this is just my cover story. Clara: So, when you lied to Maisie, when you made me lie to Maisie... The Doctor: I couldn't risk Gus finding out my plan and stopping me. Clara: So you were pretending to be heartless. The Doctor: Would you like to think that about me? Would that make it easier? I didn't know if I could save her. I couldn't save Quell, I couldn't save Moorhouse. There was a good chance that she'd die too. At which point, I would have just moved onto the next, and the next, until I beat it. Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones. But you still have to choose. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Perkins: Er, it's er, quite a vehicle you have here, Doctor. I won't pretend to understand half of it. Having said that, I did notice you've got a couple of drive stacks need replacing. The Doctor: Oh, you did, did you? Perkins: Yeah. You should get someone in. And a job like that takes forever. The Doctor: Really? Well, I suppose, whoever I did get in, it might just be easier to have them stay on board for a while. I don't suppose you'd know of anyone? Perkins: No. Sorry, Doctor, but I don't think I do. That job could er, change a man. The Doctor: Yes, it does. Frequently. The Doctor: Well, I won't keep you. Goodbye, Perkins. Good to meet you. Perkins: You too, Doctor. And er, good luck. Clara: Do you love it? The Doctor: Love what? Clara: I know it's scary and difficult, but do you love being the man making the impossible choice? The Doctor: Why would I? Clara: Because it's what you do, all day, every day. The Doctor: It's my life. Clara: Doesn't have to be. Is it like... The Doctor: Like what? Clara: An addiction? The Doctor: You can't really tell if something's an addiction till you try and give it up. Clara: And you never have. The Doctor: Let me know how it goes. [ PHONE RINGS ] Clara: Hey, Danny. How are you? Danny (O.C.): Fine. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Danny's place ] Danny: So, is it done? [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] Clara: Yep. Mission accomplished. Listen, I can't talk now but I'll see you soon and, er, I love you. Danny (O.C.): I love you, too. Clara: Huh. No accounting for taste. Danny (O.C.): OK, see you soon. The Doctor: Was that Danny? What did he want? Clara: He's fine with it. The Doctor: Sorry, I Clara: Danny. He's fine with the idea of me and you knocking about. It was his idea that we stop but, he's decided he doesn't mind and neither do I. Oh, to hell with the last hurrah. Let's keep going. The Doctor: That's a big change of heart. Clara: Yeah, they happen. The Doctor: Seriously? Clara: Look, as long as you get me home safe and on time, everything is great. I am so sorry. I've had a wobble. It's a big wobble, but it's fine. Forget about it. Now, shut up and give me some planets. The Doctor: Well, I'm glad that you said that, because you know that one that's made entirely of shrubs. Are you sure about this? Clara: Are you? Have you ever been sure? The Doctor: No. Clara: Then what are you waiting for? Let's go! [ METALLIC THRUMMING ] [SCENE_BREAK] Oh, that can't be good. Something nearby is leaching all the external dimensions. Aliens. Possibly. Oh, who am I kidding? Probably. Whatever they are, they're experimenting, they're testing, they are... they are dissecting. Trying to understand us, trying to understand... Three dimensions. ECHOING: Life support failing.

Clara rejoins the Doctor for one last outing before she leaves the TARDIS and the Doctor. They arrive on a train which travels through space, which is modelled after Orient Express . The Doctor soon discovers that an elderly woman called Mrs Pitt has recently been murdered by a mummy only she could see. When other occupants die in the same way, the Doctor realises that the mummy, identified as a legendary entity called the Foretold, is invisible to all but the one about to die. Once it is seen, it kills its victim in exactly sixty-six seconds. The train's computer program, Gus, reveals to the Doctor that he has tasked him to capture the Foretold. The Doctor discovers that it is a dead soldier powered by phase-shifting technology with unfinished business. The Doctor discharges the soldier by surrendering, and the train's occupants are saved. The Doctor uses the phase-shifting technology to teleport the train's occupants to safety. After a conversation with the Doctor about whether or not he is really cold-hearted, Clara decides she is not ready to leave him yet, and they set off on further adventures together.

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Skyline: Lights come on in various buildings. ACT I [Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa Daphne and Niles are standing in front of the counter holding hands.] Daphne: It's official. Dr. Lee says we're pregnant. [They chuckle warmly and embrace.] Niles: I'm so excited! [He kneels and speaks to Daphne's tummy.] Niles: Hello in there! It's your pater. Daphne: Oh, stop it. [She sits.] So, how do you want to make the announcement? Niles: Uh, well, Frasier's on his way over. We could... Daphne: [interrupting] No! He's a blabbermouth. Let's have him and your dad over for dinner tonight, and we can tell them at the same time. Niles: If you already had a plan, why did you ask me how I wanted to do it? Daphne: Well, because if you'd have had the same idea, then I could have agreed with it, which would have given you the illusion of control. [After a beat.] The waiting room had "Cosmo." Niles: Ohh. All right. Ah! - I have just the quotation for the beginning of the announcement. It's from Robert Burns: "Beneath the shelter of an aged tree, Th' expectant wee-things, toddlin', stacher through [gradually taking on a gaelic accent and goofy facial expression] To meet their dad, wi' filchterin' noise and glee." [Off Daphne's bemused reaction.] Moving, eh? Daphne: [rising] Yes, but not just because of the poem, I'm late for a hair appointment. Niles: All right. [They kiss. As Daphne leaves, Frasier approaches.] Frasier: Hi, you two! Daphne: Hello. Frasier: Hi, Daph, good to see you. [Daphne exits.] Hello, Niles. Uh, my usual, please. Well, I've ruined another relationship. I suppose you'll want to hear the whole sorry tale. [They sit.] Niles: Uh, no thank you. Frasier: Last night, Julia came over and, as usual, I made a mess of things... Did you say no? Niles: I said, "No, thank you." Frasier: But I wish to unburden myself. Niles: And I wish to remain in my good mood. Therefore, I demur. Frasier: You demur? Niles: I demur. Besides, I'm sure I've heard it all before. Frasier: But this time was different... Both: I really thought she could have been the one! Frasier: [wounded] Well. Silly me. To think that I could count on my only brother for shoulder on which to lean. Niles: What you need isn't a shoulder, it's a swift boot to break you out of this pattern. Frasier: What pattern? Niles: Your pattern of ruining things before they've even begun. Frasier: And when have I done that? Niles: Hmm, let me see: Faye [S6], Cassandra [S6], Chelsea [S10], Claire [S8-9], Lana [S7-9], Abby [S8], Mia [S7], Marie [S6]... [N.B. To review these past relationships, refer to the comprehensive list at the head of [9.02] Don Juan In Hell [II] an episode which, by the way, was focused on Frasier trying to break out of this pattern.] Frasier: Oh, all right! I knew I had a pattern, I just didn't think you'd remember the names. Niles: The minute you develop feelings for someone, you get scared and find some way to sabotage things. Frasier: I'd like to strike you, of course, but you speak the truth. I'll tell you what, I will never find a happy relationship un-unless I can break out of this maddening cycle. Niles: All right, all right. The next time you find yourself doing it again, fixating, say on some tiny fault in the woman, recognize what that is: you're feeling vulnerable. But don't give in to the fear. Commit to commitment. Frasier: [a bit annoyed] Commit to commitment. It's a bit glib, but nonetheless inspiring. Thank you, Niles. I'm going to call Julia, and I will not take "no" for an answer. I may have walked in here the old fault-finding, flaw-fleeing Flasier, but I leave a man committed to commitment. Niles: [smiling] You said "Flasier." Frasier: I did not. Niles: Yes, you did. Frasier: I most certainly did not. Niles: I heard you say "Flasier." Frasier: I've been saying my own name for the last forty-some odd years. Niles: I know, but your tongue... [As they continue to argue the point, we fade out.] [Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment Frasier enters, carrying a package.] Frasier: Oh, hi Dad. Martin: Before you say anything, if you know the score to the Mariners game, don't tell me, I'm taping it to watch later. Frasier: Dad, the odds of my knowing the score to the Mariners game are about the same as you knowing the score to Pacific Overtures. Did, uh, Julia call? Martin: No, sorry. Frasier: Oh, damn. Well, at least this little delivery will cheer me up. My new Frette hand towels have arrived. Ha, ha! [opening the package and examining the towels] Direct from Italy, I give you the spugna con frangia, with the tulle lace insert, huh? Martin: Sounds fancy, am I allowed to dry my hands on them? Frasier: Well, you may miss the luxurious feel of your trouser fronts, but yes. Martin: You know, if you're really down about this Julia thing, you can come with me and Eddie to the circus. We're really going to the V-E-T, but if I say that, he won't get in the car. Frasier: Thanks anyway, Dad. I'll just see you at Niles and Daphne's for dinner, all right. Maybe I'll take in a movie. Martin: Oh, what are you going to go see? Frasier: Well, there's this new Russian film in town about a Crimean War vet. [At this, Eddie runs out the door and down the hall.] Martin: No, Eddie! Would it have killed you to say Crimean War circus? [Martin chases after Eddie.] Frasier: I'm so sorry, Dad, I... [The elevator dings, and Julia exits.] Frasier: Julia! You got my message! Oh. [He embraces her, but she doesn't return it.] Julia: What message? I actually came because I think I dropped an earring here last night. Frasier: Oh. I'm sorry. Well, please, please come in. [They enter the apartment.] So, what did it look like? Julia: Oh, it was just a small diamond stud. [She begins to look on the couch.] Frasier: Right, okay, yeah, you check there, and I'll... Julia: So, uh, what was this message? Frasier: [searching on his knees near Martin's chair] Um, oh, I just said that I found you bright, and uh, beautiful and engaging, and then... there was a sonnet: "Fair love's ship ne'er sailed o'er unstorm'd seas. The fickle stars, her compass, bright and cruel..." [pausing] It's pretty sappy stuff, huh? Julia: No, it's sweet. Especially the end. Frasier: So you did hear it? [They rise and approach each other.] Julia: Yes, but Frasier, I'm not looking for just some office romance. I don't see the point in getting involved unless it's heading somewhere. Frasier: That's exactly where I am in my life too. After you walked out last night, I realized how badly I want to be in a real relationship, how ready I am to...well, for want of a better phrase, uh, to commit to commitment. Julia: You're not just saying this to get in my pants, are you? Frasier: No. And if I did...get in your pants, well...I'd want to stay there forever. I-I said that much more elegantly in the sonnet. Julia: You know, I just remembered where I may have lost my earring. Frasier: Really, where? Julia: In your bedroom. Do you care to help me look? Frasier: In my bed...well, we were never in my bedroom, I don't... [Julia gives him a strongly hinting glance and smile.] Frasier: Oh. I see. [They hold hands and walk back. Fade out.] END OF ACT I ACT II THE BASTIE BOYS [Scene 3 - Frasier's apartment Daphne, Niles, and Martin enter, Daphne with a bag, Niles with a pan.] Daphne: Let's hope Frasier's oven is more reliable than ours. [She heads for the kitchen.] Martin: Well, it serves you right for getting such a fancy one. Niles: Oh, it's just temperamental. My Gaggenau is German-engineered. It probably needs more power than my building's old wiring can give it. Martin: Leave it to the Germans. Even their appliances crave power. [Cut to the kitchen. Niles and Daphne. Martin enters.] Daphne: So, when do you want to make the big announcement? Niles: I think a toast before dinner. Daphne: Let's hope Frasier checks his messages after the movie. Or he'll be headed over to our place. Niles: Yes, well I'm sure he will. It's just as well not to have him here while we're cooking. I can't stand his backseat basting. [Cut to Frasier's bedroom. Frasier and Julia after s*x in bed.] Julia: I was just dreaming about us. We were in a boat, floating down the Arno River. Frasier: Have you ever been to fair Firenze? Julia: Oh, it's maybe my favorite city. Frasier: Mine, too. Oh, I knew we'd be a good couple. Julia: [laughing] Have you ever gone there for Christmas? Frasier: No. I've always wanted to. Julia: Me too. Frasier: Well, then let's go! Julia: Do you mean it? Frasier: Sounds perfect! [They kiss.] I'll tell you what. Let's toast this decision with a glass of Chianti. Julia: Ooh, that sounds good. Frasier: Oh, shoot. Julia: What? Frasier: I just remembered I'm supposed to have dinner at my brother and his wife's house tonight. I'm just going to call and cancel. [Cut to the kitchen. Niles's cell phone rings.] Niles: [answering] Hello? Frasier: [v.o.] Niles, it's-it's Frasier. Listen, [cut to the bedroom] I just got out of the movie, and it was so cold in the theater that I think I've...[feigning a hoarse voice. Julia laughs.] I think I've come down with a little something, and uh, I just...I just... I'm afraid I'm begging out tonight, all right? Niles: [v.o.] Oh, I hardly think a little dinner will make you worse. [Cut to the kitchen] And besides, we've had a change of plans. [Cut to the bedroom. Frasier rises, covering himself with a blanket.] Frasier: Niles, for God's sakes, I just want to go home and get into bed. [He begins to exit the bedroom. Julia follows, covering herself with a sheet. Cut back to kitchen/living room.] Niles: But, Daphne and I have put in a lot of effort into making a very nice dinner. Frasier: [moving into the living room] I can't help it if I'm sick. What if I catch pneumonia? [Niles has now moved into the living room, and sees Frasier, followed by Julia. Frasier, compromised, hangs up his phone.] Niles: If that's what you wear to the movies, it's your own damn fault. Frasier: What the hell are you doing here? Niles: My oven's on the fritz. We left you a message hours ago. Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry, Niles, uh, you remember Julia, of course. [Niles makes an affirmative, uncomfortable gesture.] Julia: Well, if he didn't before, he certainly will now. Excuse me. [She exits to the bedroom.] Niles: You lied to me! Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Would you have rather I told you that I was in flagrante delicto? Niles: No, but you're still not excused from dinner. Frasier: Julia and I would be delighted to attend. Niles: Er, we weren't planning on including Julia... Frasier: Well, what do you want me to do, give her fifty bucks and tell her to beat it? [He exits.] [Scene 4 - Frasier's apartment Time fade. Julia, now dressed, is on the couch, speaking to Martin.] Julia: Ten years! I-if I still needed a cane after that long, I'd dump my physical therapist and find one who knows what they're doing. Daphne: [entering from the kitchen, setting the table. Coldly.] Hello. Martin: Well, actually, this is her. She's also my daughter-in-law. Daphne, this is Julia. Julia: Sorry about that. [laughs] Daphne: That's all right. And just so you know, he wouldn't need the cane so much if he'd stretch more. Julia: I'd have thought that part of your job was making sure he stretched. Daphne: Yes, but, I can't be here day and night. Julia: I'm sorry, for some reason I thought you lived here. Daphne: [forcing a smile] Well, I don't. [Daphne exits to kitchen. Frasier enters from the bedroom.] Frasier: How about some Mozart to make things festive, huh? [He turns on the music.] Julia: Well, I'm not sure I'd call that festive. Frasier: Well, then you'd be wrong, as it is from the Salzburg Music Festival. Julia: How about something a little more contemporary. Frasier: Oh, all right. I believe I have Michael Nyman's The Contemporary Trumpet. Julia: What are you, a hundred? [Throughout the scene, she continues to smile and laugh through her insensitive comments and barbs.] Frasier: All right, nothing then, my little wasp. [He chuckles, still in a good mood. Niles enters with drinks.] Oh, thank you, Niles. Thank you very much. Niles: You're welcome [to Julia] and there you go. Julia: [taking Martin's beer] Oh, perfect, thank you. Niles: [awkardly] Oh, uh, [turning to Martin in his chair] there you are. Martin: [sotto voce] She took my... Niles: [also] Just take it. Martin: She took my... Niles: I don't care. Just take it, take it. [Martin takes a glass of champagne, grudgingly. He glares in Julia's direction.] Frasier: [still cheerful] She, uh, shoots from the hip, this one. Niles: Yes. Frasier: You should hear what she says about my show. Julia: I just have to remind Mr. Pompous here that what we do on the radio is entertainment. Frasier: Well... Niles: Yes, Frasier and I have had many a chat about the difference between what he does and genuine psychiatry. Julia: Yeah, big difference. I mean, at least his advice is free, not like those quacks who charge 200 bucks an hour to whine about their childhoods. I mean, what a racket that is! Niles: [after a beat] Frasier, may I see you in the kitchen? [They both proceed there.] Niles: Frasier, what are you doing in the kitchen? Frasier: You just asked to see me. Niles: Oh, so you haven't gone deaf. Frasier: Why would I have gone deaf? Niles: Because that's the only good reason you sat there silently while our profession was assaulted like a drag queen at a tractor pull! Frasier: Niles, Niles, don't be so sensitive. That is one of the qualities I admire most about Julia--her bracing frankness. Now listen, listen, it is partially because of your advice that I have chosen to commit myself to this woman, so please at least give her a chance. Niles: You're right. If you're happy, I'm happy. Help me serve. Frasier: Right, right, okay. [They enter the dining area.] Frasier: Dinner is served, everyone, if you'd come and take a seat. Here we are. Daph, I'll let you sit here. Julia, have a seat there, and I'll sit right next to you. Niles: [after Martin assists him] Thanks, Dad. [He remains standing.] And before we begin, I would like to share some words of Robert Burns which have recently become quite meaningful to me: [starting the "accent" a little earlier this time] "Beneath the shelter of an aged tree..." [He is interrupted by a cell phone.] Julia: Whoops, that's me. [taking the call and remaining at the table] Hello? Hey, what's up? No, no, I can talk. Well, what kind of crap is that? Nail their asses to the wall! [covering the mouthpiece] Is that chicken? Daphne: No, partridge. Niles: Yes, in a champagne and orange sauce. Julia: [into the phone] 'Cause he's a pissy little bitch, that's why. [covering again] I'm sorry, I don't eat birds, they live in their own feces. Martin: [stabbing a piece of partridge] More for me! Julia: I'll just get some cereal. [to the phone] Well, let him sue, I'm starting to think you've got a little pair of panties on under that suit. [She goes to the kitchen during the last speech.] Frasier: [after a beat] You know, she really does work too hard. Niles: Back to what I was saying: "Beneath the shelter of an aged tree..." Julia: [from the kitchen] Okay, I give up, where do you keep your cereal? Daphne: Please, Julia, sit, we'll find you something. [She rises.] Julia: Oh, are you sure? Niles: [refusing to give up, faster now] "Beneath the shelter of an aged..." Daphne: Niles. [He follows her into the kitchen.] Daphne: Let's not do this tonight, not with her here. I want it to be perfect. Niles: You're right, we'll just...we'll just pick a better moment. [Julia enters. Daphne does not see, as she is checking the cupborad.] Daphne: I'll still be pregnant tomorrow. [She hands Niles a box of Cap'n Crunch.] Niles: [also not seeing Julia] Exactly. Julia: [exiting, followed by Niles] Well, congratulations, Niles, Frasier didn't tell me that Daphne was pregnant. Niles: [mortiied] What? Martin: She is? Julia: Oh, no, don't tell me she's just paunchy. Niles: [indignant] She's not paunchy, she's pregnant. Daphne: [entering with milk] Niles!! [He jumps, spilling cereal everywhere.] Daphne: How could you do that? Julia: I'm sorry, it's my fault. I heard you in the kitchen. I didn't realize it was a big deal. Frasier: Well, what does it matter how we came to know this glorious news? Niles, that's wonderful! [The brothers embrace over the table.] Julia: Two words: C-section. My sister's about your size, and when she had her kid it blew out the whole region. [Niles and Daphne stand mystified at Julia's apparently ignorant rudeness.] Martin: Can I have cereal too? [Niles hands him the box.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene 5 - Frasier's apartment Time fade. Julia is sitting in Martin's chair, Frasier behind her on a bench, and the other three on the couch. They are eating dessert.] Julia: So, the more pregnant she gets, the more the husband hits on me, and by the way, she was a model. [Her phone rings again.] Whoops. That's me. Hey, how you doing? No, i'm just...meeting my boyfriend's family. [She exits to the kitchen. Martin quickly claims his chair.] Frasier: [now clearly struggling somewhat] Isn't this fun? I'm having a good time. Daphne: She certainly takes a lot of calls at dinnertime. Frasier: You know, that's exactly the kind of...flaw that the old Frasier would have...seized upon as a pretext to end the relationship, but I-I know now that...that impulse to run is-is really an indication that my feelings for her are just deepening, and um...[Niles and Daphne stare at him with pained, disbelieving faces] gone are the days when I would have said something like...[exhaling deeply, and clearly meaning it] "How rude!" or "She's horrible. I've made a ghastly, ghastly mistake." [He puts on his forced smile again.] Julia: [calling from the kitchen] Hey, Marty, you're a Mariners fan. They won in the tenth on a grand slam. [Martin glares at Frasier.] Frasier: Who's ready to play that game of pictionary we talked about? I know I am. Let me just get that. [running back to get the game equipment] Dad, I'll tell you what, I know how much you like to keep time, so you'll be the timer, and then it'll be me and Julia against Niles and Daphne. How about that? [He sets up an easel with poster paper.] Julia: [re-entering] Oh, that sounds good to me! Frasier: Daphne, what do you say you draw first? Daphne: Ooh, all right. [seeing the clue] Oh, boy. Martin: Ready...set, go. [Daphne draws a simple circle.] Niles: The Ring of the Nibelungen. Daphne: Right! Julia: Damn! Frasier: Wow! Well, congratulations, you two. Great. Julia: All right, enough of that, get your head in the game, we're starting from behind. Frasier: Right, right, okay, here we go. [taking a clue] Yeah, right. Okay, Dad. Martin: Go. [Frasier draws a circle with a stem.] Julia: [shouting guesses quickly] A ball. A balloon. Oh, an apple! A bomb. The circle. Oh, the circle of life. [Frasier adds a sombrero and a mustache to the "apple".] Julia: Uh, I don't know. [Frasier points to the hat.] Julia: Yeah, I'm looking at it. Well, maybe if you point to it harder, I'll get it. Give me something to work with, dummy! [Frasier draws a huge circular arrow pointing to the hat.] Julia: Oh, a hat! The Cat in the Hat! Uh, Abraham Lincoln! Martin: Time! Julia: [leaping out of her seat and screeching] Oh, "From Here to Eternity," I got that in! Frasier: No, that's, that's not it. Julia: What the hell is it? Frasier: It's a cherry with a mustache and, uh, wearing a sombrero. It's "Cherry Garcia." Julia: Oh, my God, that is the worst drawing I've ever seen. [She's right about that.] I mean, even these cheaters [indicating Niles and Daphne] wouldn't have gotten that one. Daphne: Cheaters? Julia: I saw you guys mouthing at each other. And I think Father Time here cut us off a little early, too. Here, give me that pen, I'll show you how it's done. Sit down. Oh, my God, I mean, this painting is just... [She has been very rapidly eating small pieces of candy during the game. She now chokes on one as she stands next to the easel. It looks serious. Frasier has gone to get the clue bag, now looking somewhat exasperated but maintaining his patience, and doesn't see Julia choking. Martin, Niles, and Daphne silently and uncomfortably look at each other as she grabs at her throat, and do nothing. Frasier turns around and sees.] Frasier: Oh, dear God! [She manages to cough it up and recover. Frasier comes to her.] Frasier: Are you all right? Julia: Yes, I just, I think I need to splash a little cold water on my face. Frasier: Right, right, here, let me just, uh, walk you to the powder room. Julia: I'm sorry. Frasier: No, that's okay, you just take as long as you need. [She goes into the powder room and Frasier closes the door.] Frasier: [to the three in a low voice, with outrage] Shame on you! That woman couldn't breathe, and the three of you just sat there! Martin: You didn't exactly jump in yourself. Frasier: That's because I mistook her choking for a sarcastic comment on my Pictionary play! You, on the other hand, were content to let the woman I love die before your eyes, THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID I LOVE HER!! Niles: Oh, knock it off, Frasier, you don't love her. You're just trying to talk yourself into honoring your ill-advised commitment. Frasier: How dare you presume to know the workings of my heart? You can't understand the kind of feelings Julia and I have for one another. You might as well ask me to describe the essence of music or the, the color of starlight! [Julia exits the bathroom with one of Frasier's new and cherished Italian towels.] Julia: Nice towels, Frasier, you'd think a couple of old ladies lived here. [He has managed to tolerate everything she has said and done to this point, but THAT crossed the line.] Frasier: Get out. Julia: Excuse me? Frasier: I said get out! Julia: I'm sorry, have you just lost your mind? Frasier: No, that happened earlier when we slept together! Julia: Are you breaking up with me? Frasier: You're damn right I am! Julia: I want my purse! Frasier: And I, my hand towel!! [They exchange. Julia begins to exit.] Julia: I can't believe this. You're actually kicking me out? Frasier: Do you want me to draw you a picture?! Julia: We'd be here all night! Frasier: Get out! [She does, closing the door behind her. Time fade.] AFTER THE BILE IS OVER [Scene 6 - Frasier's apartment Later in the evening. Frasier is proposing a toast.] Frasier: With this bottle, I would like to both commemorate and apologize for this evening. Daphne, Niles, this should have been your evening, and I selfishly monopolized every moment of it. Niles: Frasier... Frasier: Not yet, Niles. [He pours.] Anyway, I handled things badly, both with Julia and with you, and I just hope that you can forgive me. Daphne: Of course we will. Martin: Oh, look on the bright side. You could have let her choke to death, but you didn't. Frasier: Well, then, to life, both the old and the new. [They clink glasses.] Frasier: Ah, Niles, I'm so proud of you. Niles: Thank you. [Frasier sits on the couch. Niles joins him.] Martin: I'm excited for you, Daphne. Takes me back to when I had my kids. So, what are you hoping for, boy or girl? Daphne: Oh, I don't know. Be kind of nice to have a boy. [Frasier is showing off his towel to Niles.] Frasier: Niles, just look at the edging on this. Niles: Have you ever? Have you ever? And look, this is all hand-stitched. Frasier: Mm-hmm. Daphne: [philosophically] Or a girl. Either way. [They drink. It should be noted that Daphne's glass contains orange juice. Fade out.] END OF ACT II [SCENE_BREAK] Martin has made himself a sundae, and offers some to Frasier, who declines and exits. Martin sits with his sundae, and promptly spills the ice cream on his shirt. He reaches for Frasier's hand towel, which is nearby. Frasier rushes back and snatches the towel in the nick of time. Martin shrugs and starts to lick the ice cream off his shirt.

Daphne is pregnant, and she and Niles are keen to make an official announcement to the family over dinner, rather than tell Frasier informally and have the news broadcast for them. Meanwhile, Frasier's relationship with Julia has run into difficulty, and following a conversation with his brother, Frasier decides to "commit to commitment" and resolve the problems rather than run away from them. His reconciliation with Julia ends up coinciding with Niles and Daphne's announcement dinner, which they are compelled to relocate to Frasier's place after their oven breaks down. They agree to let Julia stay for dinner, and even though they find her frankness and general conduct offensive, Frasier is reluctant to find fault because of his renewed commitment. Things get worse when Julia casually announces Daphne's pregnancy to everyone after overhearing her in the kitchen, ruining the announcement. Eventually, Julia mocks Frasier's hand towels and he breaks up with her in disgust. In the end, Frasier apologizes for allowing Julia to ruin the evening and the family celebrate Niles and Daphne's happy news.

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Spike: No. Nope...No. Applejack: Thank ya kindly, Twilight, for helpin' me out. Applejack: I bet Big Macintosh I could get all these Golden Delicious in the barn by lunchtime. (Spike checking apples) Applejack: If I win, he's gonna walk down Stirrup Street in one o'Granny's girdles! (chuckles) Twilight: No problem at all, Applejack. I'm glad the goal is lunchtime. All this hard work is making me hungry. (thunk) Spike: I know, right? Twilight: Puh-lease, Spike. You've been lounging on my back all morning while WE worked. Spike: Exactly. You two are taking so long, I missed snacktime. (Twilight's stomach grumbles noisily) Twilight: (laughs nervously) I guess we'd better get some food... Spike: Nope. Worm. AHA! Oh, Spike! That looks delicious! (Spike chomps, chews noisily) Twilight: (irritated) Spike! Spike: (gulps) What? (gags, burps) It's a letter from Princess Celestia. (clears throat) "Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness Princess Celestia of Equestria is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital of Canterlot, on the st day of...eh, yadda yadda yadda, cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle and one guest." Both: (gasp) The Grand Galloping Gala! (theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah, (My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me Rainbow Dash: Big adventure Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun Rarity: A beautiful heart Applejack: Faithful and strong Fluttershy: Sharing kindness Twilight: It's an easy feat All: And magic makes it all complete, yeah (My Little Pony) Do you know you're all my very best friends Applejack and Twilight: The Grand Galloping Gala! (both cheering) (Spike gags, burps) Spike: Look, two tickets! Wow, great! I've never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike? No, and I plan to keep it that way. I don't want any of that girly, frilly "froo-froo" nonsense. Aw, come on, Spike. A dance would be nice. Applejack: Nice?! It's a heap good more than just NICE. I'd love to go. Land sakes, if I had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chewin' our tasty vittles 'til the cows came home. Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres?! and Big Macintosh could replace that saggy old plow, (poof) and Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip! Wow. I'd give my left hind leg to go to that Gala. Twilight: Oh. Well, in that case, would you like to- (Rainbow Dash yelps, thuds) Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?! Rainbow Dash...you told me you were too busy to help me harvest apples. What were you busy doin'? Spyin'? No, I was busy...napping. And I just happened to hear that you have an extra ticket? Twilight: Yeah, but- Rainbow Dash: YES! This is SO awesome! The Wonderbolts perform at the Grand Galloping Gala every year! I can see it now... Everyone would be watching the sky, (jets streaming past) their eyes riveted on the Wonderbolts. But then in would fly...RAINBOW DASH! (audience gasps) Rainbow Dash: I would draw their attention with my Super Speed Strut... (audience cheers) Rainbow Dash: Then I would mesmerize 'em with my Fantastic Filly Flash... (whoosh) And for my grand finale, The Buccaneer Blaze. (explosion) (audience cheering) Rainbow Dash: The ponies would go WILD! The Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves get incorporated into their routine, and then welcome me as their newest member. (jets streaming across sky) Don't you see, Twilight? This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff. Rainbow Dash: You gotta take ME- (grunt) Applejack: Hold on just one pony-pickin' minute here! Applejack: (spits) I asked for that ticket first! So? That doesn't mean you OWN it. Oh yeah? Well, I challenge you to a hoof-wrasslin'. Winner gets the ticket. (both straining) Girls! These are MY tickets. I'LL decide who gets it, thank you very much. Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don't you think? Applejack: Drummin' up business for the farm? Rainbow Dash: A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts? Applejack: Money to fix Granny's hip?! Rainbow Dash: LIVING the DREAM?! Twilight: Oh my, those are all pretty good reasons, aren't they? (stomach growls noisily) (chuckles nervously) Listen to that...I am starving. (nervously) I don't know about you, but I can't make decisions on an empty stomach, so I'll think about it over lunch and get back to you two, okay? Both: (dejectedly) Okay. (both straining) Spike: So, who you gonna give the ticket to, Twilight? I don't know, Spike, but I REALLY can't think straight when I'm hungry. So where should we eat- (door slams open) Pinkie Pie: (shrieks) BATS! BATS ON MY FACE! HELP! Wait...these are...tickets to the GRAND GALLOPING GALA?! (extremely rapid speech) It's the most amazing incredible tremendous super-fun wonderful terrifically humongous party in all of Equestria! I've always, always, ALWAYS wanted to go! (singing) Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me Hip hip, hooray, it's the best place for me, for Pinkie (speaking) With decorations and streamers and fairy lights and pinwheels and pinatas and pincushions. With goodies like sugarcubes and sugarcanes and sundaes and sunbeams and sarsaparilla! And I get to play my favorite-est of favorite fantabulous games like Pin the Tail on the Pony! (singing) Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me Oh, the Grand Galloping Gala is the best place for me 'Cause it's the most galarific superly-terrific gala ever in the whole galaxy! WHEE! (song ends) Oh, thank you, Twilight! It's the most wonderfulest gift ever! (Pinkie's eyes squeak) Twilight: Um, actually... Rarity: (gasps) Are these what I think they are?! Twilight: Uh... Pinkie Pie: Yes, yes, YES! Twilight's taking me to the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot! The Gala? I design ensembles for the Gala EVERY year, but I've never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the SOCIETY, the CULTURE, the GLAMOR, it's where I truly belong. (giggles) It's where I'm destined to meet... (dreamily) HIM. Pinkie Pie: (excited) HIM! (quizzically) Who? Him... I would stroll through the Gala, and everyone would wonder, "Who IS that mysterious mare?" They would never guess that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville. Why, I would cause such a sensation that I would be invited for an audience with Princess Celestia HERSELF, and the princess would be so taken with my style and elegance that she would introduce me... (squealing) to HIM, (dreamily) her nephew, the most handsome eligible unicorn stallion in Canterlot. Our eyes would meet, our hearts would melt, our courtship would be MAGNIFICENT, he would ask for my hoof in marriage, and of course I would say... (shrieking) YES! We would have a royal wedding befitting a princess, which is, (giggles) of course, what I'd become upon marrying (squeals) HIM, the stallion of my dreams. (wedding bells ring) TWILIGHT! I simply cannot believe that you would invite Pinkie Pie so she could... (disgusted) party, (high-pitched whining) and prevent me from meeting my true love! How could you?! HMPH! Spike: Hey! (Fluttershy gasps) Angel, these are perfect. Twilight: Uh, listen guys, I haven't decided who to give the extra ticket to. Rarity and Pinkie Pie: You haven't?! Fluttershy: (meekly) Um, excuse me, Twilight, I would just like to ask, um, if it would be all right, if you haven't given it to someone else... (incredulous) YOU?! YOU want to go to the Gala? Oh, no. (Angel thumps feet) I, I mean, yes. Or, actually, kinda. You see, it's not so much the Grand Galloping Gala as it is the wondrous private gated garden surrounding the dance. The flowers are said to be the most beautiful and fragrant in all of Equestria. For the night of the gala, and that night alone, would they all be in bloom... And that's just the flora! Don't get me started on the fauna! There's loons, and toucans, and bitterns, oh my! Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz, and blue jays, and red jays, and green jays, pink jays and pink flamingos. Twilight: Gee, Fluttershy, it sounds...beautiful? Rainbow Dash: WAIT JUST A MINUTE! Twilight: Rainbow Dash, were you following me? (flustered) No. I mean, yes. I mean, maybe. Look, it doesn't matter. I couldn't risk a goody-four-shoes like you giving that ticket away to just anybody. Applejack: Wait just another minute! Applejack, were you following me too? No, I was following THIS one [Rainbow Dash] to make sure she didn't try any funny business. (grumbling) Still tryin' to take my ticket. YOUR ticket?! Pinkie Pie: But Twilight's taking me! (ponies arguing over each other) Twilight: QUIEEEEEEEEEEET! Pinkie Pie: And then I said, "Oatmeal?! Are you crazy?!" ... (sheepishly) Oh. Girls, there's no use in arguing. Rarity: (pleading) But Twilight- Twilight: (shushes) This is my decision, and I'm gonna make it on my own, and I'm gonna make it on my own, and I certainly can't think straight with all this noise, (stomach grumbles) not to mention hunger. Now go on! Shoo! (ponies grumble) And don't worry! I'll figure this out! (crestfallen, to self) Somehow. Twilight: Ah, Spike, what am I gonna do? All five of my best friends have really good reasons to go to the Gala. Applejack, or Rainbow Dash? Pinkie Pie, or Fluttershy, Rarity... Oh, who should go with me? (stomach grumbles) Waiter: Have you made your decision? Twilight: I can't decide! Twilight, he just wants to take your order. ...Oh. I would love a daffodil and daisy sandwich. Do you have any rubies? ...No? Okay. I'll have the hay fries. Extra-crispy. What do you think, Spike? I think we have to try another restaurant. I mean, I like grass just fine, but would it hurt anybody to offer some gemstones? I MEAN about the Gala and the ticket and who I should take. Oh. (annoyed) You're still on THAT? Spike, LISTEN! HOW do I choose? And when I DO choose, would the other four be mad at me? I mean, I could give up my ticket and give away two, but that would still leave three disappointed ponies! Twilight: What if I- Waiter: Ah, your food. Oh, thank you. This looks so good. I'm sure everything will be much clearer once I eat. (stampede rumble) Waiter: Erm, madame? Are you going to eat your food in ze rain? It's not raining... (thunderclap, rainfall) What's going on? Rainbow Dash: Hi there best friend forever I've ever ever had! Enjoying the sunny weather? (accusatory) Rainbow Dash, what are you doing? (innocently) What do you mean? I just saw the smartest, most generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I'd kick a hole in the clouds to keep her dry so she could dine in peace, that's all. Twilight: Rainbow, you're not trying to get extra consideration for the EXTRA ticket by doing me extra special favors, ARE you? Me? No no no, of COURSE not! (sarcastic) Uh-huh. Seriously. I'd do it for anypony. (ponies dashing about) (gulps) Heheh...eh... Rainbow, I am NOT comfortable accepting unwanted favors. Twilight: So I'd appreciate it if you'd close up that raincloud right now. Ugh. FINE. That's better. (rainfall, Twilight grumbles) (Spike snickers) Rarity: Twilight! (matter-of-factly) It's raining. (sarcastic) No! Really? Rarity: Come with me before you catch a cold! (Twilight shakes off water) Twilight: (giggles nervously) Oops...sorry... (saccharine) Oh no! It's QUITE all right! After all, we ARE the BEST of friends! ...are we not? And you KNOW what the best of friends do! Twilight: Uh... Rarity: (singsong) MAKEOVER! Twilight: Rarity! Ow, this really isn't fixing it...I mean, thank you, but (straining to breathe) it's...too...tight... Rarity: There. Oh, you're simply DARLING. Uh...yeah! It is kinda pretty, isn't it? (Spike gagging) Rarity: And YOU! Oh Spike, I have a dandy little outfit for the dashing gent. Spike: Daah! Ow, hey, wow, watch it! WHOA! (Spike shudders) Twilight: Oh, Spike. Rarity: Now you just need a hat. Ugh! I told you, I don't want any part of this girly Gala junk! See you back at the library. Rarity: (laughing nervously) Oh, who needs HIM anyway? (mirror dragging on ground) This is all about YOU, and how FABULOUS you'll look at the Grand Galloping Gala! Wait. "The Grand-" Rarity: (gasps dramatically) And oh, my goodness! What a coincidence! I happen to have an ensemble of my own that matches yours to a tee! We would be the belles of the ball, you and I. Everyone would be CLAMORING for our attention. All eyes would be on us, and then everyone would finally know, the most beautiful, most talented, most sophisticated pony in all of Equestria is RARITY THE UNICORN! Ah... (nervous tittering) And Twilight Sparkle, of course... (nervous giggle) I see what's going on. You're just buttering me up so I give you the extra ticket. Well, it's not gonna work. You're going to have to wait for my decision like everyone else. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've been trying all day just to get some lunch! Applejack: Did somepony say lunch? Twilight: You've GOT to be kidding me! Applejack: I got apple pie, apple fritters, apple tarts, apple dumplin's, apple crisps, apple crumbles aaaand...Apple Brown Betty. Uh, the dessert, not my aunt. Whaddya say there, best friend? (Twilight's stomach grumbles loudly) [SCENE_BREAK] Applejack: Is that a yes? No. No! I don't know who I'm giving the ticket to, and all these favors aren't making it any easier to decide. In fact, I'm less sure now than I was this morning! (Twilight screams) So, that's a maybe? Twilight: (groans) I never thought being showered with favors would be so aggravating... (Fluttershy humming My Little Pony theme) (Twilight gasps) Fluttershy! Not you too! Oh! Well, hello, Twilight. I hope you don't mind. We're all doing a little spring cleaning for you. (dryly) It's summer. O-oh, well, better late than never, right? It was Angel's idea. (salad tongs tapping bowl) You're not doing this for the ticket, are you? Oh, no! I'm doing this because you're my very best friend. Right, Angel? Oh. Yes, we are just doing this for the ticket. (stomach grumbles) No, no, NO! Well, this is all very nice of you and Angel, but I'm not accepting any extra favors until I've made my final decision, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Ponies (outside): SURPRISE! (horns blow, song starts) Pinkie Pie: (singing) Twilight is my bestest friend! Whoopee, whoopee! Twilight: (unamused) Pinkie... Pinkie: (singing) She's the cutest, smartest, all-around best po-nyyy, po-nyyy! Twilight: Pinkie. Pinkie: (singing) I bet if I throw a super-duper fun par-tyyy, par-tyyy Twilight: (annoyed) Pinkie! Pinkie: (singing) She'll give her extra ticket to the Gala to me! (song ends) Twilight: (screaming) PINKIIIIIIIE! (crash) (sweetly) Yes, Twilight? (eyes flutter) At least the other ponies TRIED to be subtle about the ticket! Purple pony: Wait, what ticket? What gala? Pinkie Pie: Oh, you didn't know?! Twilight has an extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala! All: THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA?! (commotion) Pony: Have I ever told you how much I love your mane? Pony: I'll wash your dishes. Pink pony: Would you like any help with your gardening? Teal pony: I have a cartload of extra carrots. (ponies talking over each other) Spike: What're we gonna do? We're...gonna...RUUUUUN! (light remix of Benny Hill's Yakety Sax plays) (ponies offering favors) (poof, ponies gasp) (ponies talk over each other in confusion) (rising pitch hum, poof) Spike: (dazed) Warn me next time you're gonna do that! I didn't even know it was gonna happen! Now quick, lock the doors! (doors and windows slamming shut) (sigh of relief) (frustrated scream) (harried) I can't decide! I just can't decide! It's important to all of you and I just can't stand to disappoint any of you, and giving me gifts and doing me favors won't make any difference because you're all my friends and I wanna make you all happy and I can't, I just CAN'T! Applejack: Twilight, sugar, I-I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you. And if it helps, I don't want the ticket anymore. You can give it to somepony else. I won't feel bad, I promise. Fluttershy: Me too. I feel just awful that I made you feel so awful... Pinkie Pie: And me too. It's no fun upsetting your friends. Rarity: Twilight, it was unfair of me to try to force you as I did. Rainbow Dash: YES! That means the ticket is MINE! (giggles, gloats) I got the ticket, I got the ticket... You know, I haven't perfected my signature moves for the Wonderbolts, anyway. I don't need that ticket either. Applejack: We all got so gung-ho about goin' to the Gala that we couldn't see how un-gung-ho we were makin' you. All: We're sorry, Twilight. Spike, take down a note. "Dear Princess Celestia, I've learned that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings, but when there's not enough blessings to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful. So, though I appreciate the invitation, I will be returning both tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala." All: WHAT?! If my friends can't all go, I don't wanna go either. Applejack: Twilight...You don't have t'do that. Nope, I've made up my mind. Spike, you can send the letter now. (inhales, breathes fire) Fluttershy: Now you won't get to go to the Gala either. It's okay, girls. I couldn't possibly enjoy myself without my best friends there with me, (ponies doting) so I'd rather not go at all. (Spike gags heavily) Applejack: Well, wallop my withers, Spike. (Spike gagging) Isn't that just like a boy? Can't handle the least bit of sentiment. (Spike burps) Applejack: Whoa, Nelly! Twilight: A letter from the princess? That was fast. "My faithful student Twilight, Why didn't you say so in the first place? Six tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!" (ponies gasp) Twilight: Now we can all go! (ponies cheer) (Twilight's stomach grumbles) (Twilight laughs nervously) Rarity: Allow us to treat you to dinner. Rainbow Dash: What a great way to apologize. Pinkie Pie: And to CELEBRATE! Come on everyone, the cupcakes are on me! How come I don't get a ticket to the Gala? (Spike gags, burps) "And one for you, Spike." (childish giggling) Spike: I-I mean, (feigns revulsion) GROSS! I have to go, too?! (Spike and Applejack giggle) (ending theme begins) My Little Pony My Little Pony (instrumental) My Little Pony, friends

Princess Celestia sends Twilight two tickets for the upcoming exclusive Grand Galloping Gala. Upon learning of the tickets, each of Twilight's friends insists she should be the one to go with Twilight, and her friends start giving her special treatment to earn her favor. Twilight is unwilling to pick any one friend over another and she politely returns the tickets to the princess despite her friends' apologies for their selfishness. To everyone's surprise, the princess replies by sending back enough tickets for Twilight and all of her friends.

fd_Bones_06x03

fd_Bones_06x03_0

TEASER (OPEN: Nighttime. MAN on a beach with a metal detector.) MAN: Come on...come on... (metal detector beeps) Oh! (picks up a coin) Oh yeah, that's the stuff. (puts coin in pocket and moves to find more; metal detector beeps again) Oh! (bends down and picks up a metal cross attached to a chain; tugs at the cross to reveal a skeleton head filled with maggots buried under the sand) Oh no. Christ. (looks around, then pulls the cross from the skeleton's neck, breaking the chain) (laughs) (CUT TO: SPECIAL AGENT SEELEY BOOTH and HANNAH BURLEY sprawled over each other presumably after s*x, panting.) HANNAH: Is it me, or are we louder stateside? BOOTH: There are no bombs to drown out, alright? (They kiss. They are interrupted by Hannah's ringing phone on the bedside table.) BOOTH: Are you serious? Its 3AM! HANNAH (gets up to look at her phone): It's my boss. BOOTH: Your boss? Oh. HANNAH (answers phone): Hannah here, and annoyed, it's the middle of the night. At seven? That's only a few hours away. (Booth kisses the back of her knee) Do they have my name at the gate? Okay, thanks. (hangs up and gets dressed) BOOTH (moves behind her): Alright, what's going on? (kisses her on the cheek) HANNAH: Breakfast at the White House. BOOTH: Mmm. HANNAH: Only five of us were invited so...maybe I can get some real questions answered. (kisses him on the cheek) BOOTH: Breakfast at 4AM? HANNAH: Seven... BOOTH: Seven? HANNAH: ...but I have to change. These are the only clothes that I have here. BOOTH: Okay. HANNAH: Gotta go. (they kiss) BOOTH (in between kisses): You gotta go? Right this second? (groans) HANNAH: Bye, see you tonight. (dashes off) (BOOTH flops on the bed. His phone rings.) BOOTH: Seriously? You gotta be kidding me. (rolls over to answer his phone) (CUT TO: A beach, where BOOTH and DR. TEMPERANCE BRENNAN are walking at a crime scene) BOOTH: Look, why can't they find these victims at a reasonable time of the day, huh? (looks at the water) Ah, just look at that. Look how beautiful it is, Bones. Wouldn't it be great to come to work every day at the beach? BRENNAN: Booth, the sand and the salty air would make research and accurate forensic analysis impossible. (They walk towards DR. CAMILLE SAROYAN, who is bent over a body) CAM: Victim's decomposing at an accelerated rate. BRENNAN: Could the acceleration be the result of something chemical or radiological? (bends down to look at the body) CAM: No sign of radioactivity and no chemical that I'm aware of that would cause catastrophic cellular necrosis. (Camera pans to the body where jumping maggots are visible) BOOTH: Whoa, what's going on with the maggots? They're like freaky happy. CAM: Yeah, and they're everywhere. BOOTH (sees a maggot crawling on the leg of his pants): Whoa! Okay, maggot, right on the leg, right there...can I squash him or does Hodgins have to interrogate him? BRENNAN: I'll get him. (picks up the maggot with forceps and puts it on a test tube) CAM: Dr. Brennan, can you help me lift the victim...gently? BRENNAN (moves to help Cam; to Booth): Where are you going? BOOTH: Uh, you know, ID'ing the victim takes forever, I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee. (starts walking away) CAM (looks at driver's license on wallet): Richard Dominic Genaro. (Booth turns back) Born September 25th 1986, 6'2", 195 pounds. (looks at Booth) BOOTH: Or you could just check to see if he has a wallet. BRENNAN: Decomposition is accelerating perhaps because of the sunlight. BOOTH: Okay, so what have we got here, huh? Vampire from New Jersey? CAM: Before we answer that, I'd like to get him back to the lab. (They look at the skull, where the remaining tissue is slowly peeling off) BRENNAN: We better do it quickly. (OPENING CREDITS) ACT TWO (CUT TO: Medico-Legal Lab; Autopsy Room. DR. CAMILLE SAROYAN and COLIN FISHER heave the plastic-covered body on an examination table with a member of the Jeffersonian staff) CAM: On three...one, two, three! FISHER: Whoa! CAM (to Fisher): You're...stronger than you look. FISHER: Why, thank you, Dr. Saroyan. And I appreciate your effort to help me feel comfortable at work after my stint at the loony bin. CAM: Are you being sarcastic? FISHER: No. It's hard to tell, isn't it? CAM: Are you being sarcastic now? FISHER: My, my shrink told me that sarcasm is not earnest communication and that I should try to live joyously and genuinely in every moment. (HODGINS enters. CAM opens the plastic covering the body. Worms start jumping from the body.) HODGINS (enters): Whoa...okay, okay, everybody move, or just, just freeze. Wow. Piophila casei. More commonly known as cheese skippers. Under certain circumstances, they jump up, they grab their butts with their mouths. FISHER: I met a guy at the hospital that could do that. HODGINS: Yeah? They have them hopped up on stimulants? 'Cause that's what's causing this. CAM: We'll screen for amphetamines, Ecstasy, cocaine... (Chest area of the body suddenly deflates) FISHER: Oh. That might account for the rapid decomposition. CAM: This was one big muscly guy, he had only four percent body fat. HODGINS: Really? Geez, how much did he weigh? FISHER: 89 kilos. HODGINS: Really? This dude was shredded. FISHER: Tooth veneers over the central and lateral incisors...this guy must have had a brilliant engaging smile. HODGINS: Yeah, I'm sure he lived joyously in the moment. (Cam gives him a look) Um, no, we're, we're really really happy that you, you didn't kill yourself. FISHER: Oh, I was never suicidal. What happened was I slept 20 hours a day for two months. My shrink said it was a warning sign. CAM: Sounds great to me. FISHER: There's a depression fracture of the cranial vortex. No sign of remodeling. CAM: Smashed on top of the head? FISHER: Guess I'd better map these microfractures. Which will be a satisfying and productive use of my training and abilities. (CUT TO: Angela's Office, where ANGELA MONTENEGRO and BRENNAN are watching a guy's exercise video on the Angelatron) ANGELA (pauses the video): Okay, this one here is our victim, Ritchie the V. BRENNAN: I assume he's called Ritchie the V due to his body shape. (Angela nods and plays the video) RITCHIE: What up, this is Ritchie the V. Today, you're gonna learn how to get my signature V, baby. (gestures at his abs) Boom! Boom! FRANKIE COSTELLO (walks to Ritchie): Oh, Ritchie the V! (bumps shoulders with Ritchie) What's going on? ANGELA: Okay, so this one is L'il Frankie Costello. He's in most of his videos. BRENNAN: These are what are known as guidos. ANGELA: Yeah, sweetie, I don't think they actually like to be called that. BRENNAN: But they do. That's what they call themselves. Although interestingly not all guidos are of Italian descent. ANGELA: Really? BRENNAN: While the styles and mannerisms are based on Italian-American tropes, the guidos can be of any ethnic background. They gather at the Jersey Shore. The male bonding is near homoerotic. The friends or "bros" are more important to them than family. ANGELA: Right. And how do you know all of this? BRENNAN: I stumbled across a compelling documentary about them. The anthropologist in me was fascinated, I've been studying their language and customs. ANGELA: A documentary? BRENNAN: Yes, on television. ANGELA (laughs): Sweetie, just because it's called reality television doesn't mean that it's a documentary. BRENNAN: I-I'm quite certain you are incorrect about that. ANGELA: Okay. (CUT TO: FBI Building; Booth's Office where BOOTH is talking to JANINE GENARO, the victim's mother) JANINE: You sure it's my Ritchie? BOOTH: Yes ma'am. JANINE (crosses herself tearfully): Madonna mia. BOOTH: The autopsy also shows that he may have been assaulted...uh, knocked on the head. JANINE: Who did this to my Ritchie? You tell me that right now. BOOTH: Can you think of anyone that would wanna hurt your son? JANINE: No. Agent Booth, I cannot think of anyone who would wanna hurt my Ritchie. Not anyone. And if I could think of such an anyone, I would go out there and I would kill them myself before they ever got anywhere near my kid! BOOTH: Any reason for him to be in trouble? JANINE: What kind of trouble? BOOTH: Girlfriends, uh, fighting? JANINE: No. BOOTH: Gambling? JANINE: No. BOOTH: Booze. JANINE: No, nothing like that. And, and any trouble he ever did get into was at the urge of that L'il Frankie 321. BOOTH: L'il Frankie 321...does he have a last name? JANINE: Yeah, Costello. Ralphie's boy. Any trouble my Ritchie ever got into, it was because of that L'il Frankie. BOOTH: What kind of trouble? JANINE: Oh, they both got kicked off the high school football team for using steroids. At the urge of that L'il Frankie just like I said, but I tell you what...I put the fear of God into my kid and he stopped. I didn't go through 44 hours of labor so my kid could grow up and stick poison in his body. BOOTH: And you're sure he stopped? JANINE: Yes, I am. BOOTH: How is that? JANINE: Because he told me. Ritchie never lied to me. Not twice anyway. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw your little Ritchie? JANINE: About a month ago, with L'il Frankie, uh, down at the Shore. They were sharing a house. (Booth offers her his handkerchief; she waves him off) Ritchie was very serious about school, and he said it was going to be his last summer to party. And I guess he was right. Agent Booth, if it turns out it was that L'il Frankie that did this... (slams hand on table) ...you bring him here to me. (CUT TO: Jeffersonian; Brennan's Office, BRENNAN's phone rings) BRENNAN (answers phone): This is Dr. Brennan. (Cut to BOOTH in his SUV, talking to Brennan over the phone. Scenes cut to them at the Jeffersonian and in the SUV during the conversation.) BOOTH: Listen, I got a lead on a suspect. It's a guy by the name of Francis Costello. BRENNAN: L'il Frankie? BOOTH: L'il Frankie...wait, how did you know? BRENNAN: Oh, he's featured in the guido video Angela found. BOOTH: Ah. Well, the victim's mother fingered little Frankie. BRENNAN (walking away from her office to the platform): L'il. L'il Frankie. Like L'il Red Riding Hood, L'il Abner, L'il John... BOOTH: Whatever, okay, you know what? We should be in the Jersey Shore, okay? I can come pick you up. BRENNAN: Oh, excellent! I can compare the field experience with the documentary series. BOOTH: Okay, see you in a bit. (They hang up. BRENNAN swipes her card to enter the forensic platform) FISHER: Ah, Dr. Brennan, how are you? BRENNAN: I'm well, Mr. Fisher. Have you fully recovered from your mental breakdown? FISHER: It's an ongoing process. BRENNAN: It's very often those with the highest intelligence who suffer from...the vernacular is meltdown. FISHER: Well, thank you, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: No, I'm not being kind, I'm being factual. FISHER I know. That's what makes it awesome. There was extensive damage to the C1 and C2 vertebrae. It's like the spinous and transverse processes cracked off internally. BRENNAN (examines the skull): That's exactly what happened, these processes were broken off by the foramen magnum, here. The cervical calm was forced into the victim's skull and then penetrated the base of the brain. FISHER: Which caused tearing to the major vessels of the brainpan. The brain would have bled out, thus releasing him into sweet oblivion. (Brennan gives him a look) Which is death, which is sad, not happy. BRENNAN: Yes. Death would have occurred near instantaneously. FISHER: I also found a sliver of concrete embedded in the skull wound, I gave it to Hodgins. BRENNAN: Very good, Mr. Fisher. (CUT TO: BOOTH and BRENNAN in the SUV) BOOTH: So what's got you so interested? BRENNAN: I've been studying their culture, language and customs. The guido tribe is fascinating. BOOTH: Wait, is it alright to call them that? BRENNAN: A tribe? Yes. BOOTH: No, no, I don't think it's alright to call them guidos. BRENNAN: Oh, the guidos' dance rituals, tattoos, speech patterns, secret lexicons and ornate costumes are obvious markers. BOOTH: They're dumb ass kids. BRENNAN: Yes. The avid focus on mating suggests a kind of protracted adolescence. Kids and dumb ass refer to their determined resistance to maturing. (her phone rings, answers phone) This is Dr. Brennan. (Cut to CAM in her office, talking to Brennan over the phone. Scenes cut to Cam's office and the SUV during the conversation.) CAM: We know why the cheese skippers were literally flipping out. HODGINS (enters): Ephedra. Probably from energy drinks. BRENNAN: Synthetic adrenaline. HODGINS: Yeah, the maggots ingested it from the tissue and it made them ravenous. CAM: Which explains why his remains decomposed so quickly HODGINS: Now extrapolating the time it took for one gram sample of flesh to be devoured, the victim died between 40 and 52 hours ago. CAM: There's more. Glycerin, surfactants, lanolin, petrolatum, vegetable oil, coconut oil, and copious amounts of artificial fragrance. HODGINS: Basically, he looked and smelled great when he died. BRENNAN: Okay. (hangs up) (to Booth) The tox screen showed high levels of alcohol, over-the-counter stimulants, and men's beauty products. BOOTH: I'm sorry, men's what now? BRENNAN: Hairspray, hair gel, tanning spray, and some sort of aerosolized perfume. BOOTH: Cologne. Men wear cologne. BRENNAN: You don't. BOOTH: That's because it smells like perfume. (CUT TO: BRENNAN and BOOTH walking down the Jersey Shore) BRENNAN: This is the perfect environment for the tribe to preen and mate. BOOTH: This is like trying to find a guido in a haystack. (his phone rings, answers phone) Booth. Hey, Hannah. Uh, yeah, just, you know what, hey, hell, move all your stuff in. BRENNAN: Say hi for me. BOOTH: Ah, no, I'm serious. Listen, uh, Bones say hi. Hannah says hi. BRENNAN (whispers): Hi. BOOTH: Hi. Everybody says hi. Okay. Uh, listen, mi casa es su casa. Alright. Talk to you later, bye. BRENNAN: That was uh, that was very casual. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: You inviting Hannah to move in with you. I mean, usually there's more ceremony. I hope she didn't feel cheated. BOOTH: It's not like we haven't talked about it before, Bones. (They notice a group of guys and girls chanting "Go!" at the roofdeck of a three-storey house) BRENNAN: Eureka! A gathering of guidos. I believe that's L'il Frankie. (Camera pans to FRANKIE, among the guys and girls at the roofdeck who are still chanting "Go! Go! Go!") Given the excessive amounts of stimulants and alcohol, it's possible that Ritchie the V simply fell down, fracturing his cerebellum on concrete. FRANKIE: Go one! CROWD (joins him): Two! Three! (a guy is tossed in the pool) Wooh! BOOTH: Yeah, that, or he was tossed head-first into the concrete by a bunch of drunken idiots. BRENNAN: That certainly would fit into their tribal customs. (Crowd cheer as the guy emerges from the pool) ACT THREE (CUT TO: A beach house party with dance music playing, people dancing, drinking and making out) BOOTH (sees a guidette - JOSEPHINE - being swung at a hammock): Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, FBI! JOSEPHINE (dropped on the floor): Aw! BOOTH: Watch yourself there. FBI Agent Booth. JOSEPHINE: Hey! FRANKIE: What's your name, pretty lady? BRENNAN: Oh, I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan (bumps shoulders with Frankie) of the Jeffersonian, sup? Yo, sup. Sup. Sup? FRANKIE: Well, Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian, how about when you finish with all your policing or whatnot, you and your Hartford teacher friends come and meet me at Club Elegante tonight, know what I'm saying? BOOTH: Okay, why don't we all just take a small swollen step back. You, Muscles Marinara, when was the last time you saw Ritchie Genaro? FRANKIE: Thursday. Him and Peppy Dio went creeping. BRENNAN (to Booth): Oh, creeping is when males go in search of females for the purpose of having s*x. BOOTH: Right, thanks, Bones, got that. (to Frankie) So, uh, was Peppy the last person who saw Ritchie? JOSEPHINE: Is Peppy in some sort of trouble? BOOTH: That's what we're here to find out. So, where's Peppy now? FRANKIE: He's doing a GTL. BOOTH: What's a GTL? BRENNAN (to Booth): Gym, tan, laundry. BOOTH: Wha...alright. Ritchie and Peppy, Thursday night. What happened? FRANKIE: I don't know, the V hasn't been back since. We just thought he pulled some ho-bag or skank or something, you know, that's the V's weakness. BRENNAN (to Booth): Ho-bags and skanks... BOOTH: Got it. Thank you. Alright, so, Peppy and Ritchie, have any arguments, they fight? JOSEPHINE: They fought over a stupid T-shirt. FRANKIE: Whoa! Shut the ho, Jo! JOSEPHINE: Uh. Whatever! (walks away) BOOTH: Okay, uh, they fought over a T-shirt? FRANKIE: Peppy got his drink on before going to the club. He went to pick up Ritchie who was wearing the exact same Fred McCarty t-shirt. Peppy didn't wanna be twinsies so...they got into it. BRENNAN: So the bros were mixing it up, yo. FRANKIE: Yeah, but they made up and wore the same shirt anyway. BRENNAN: Well, the victim was wearing a Fred McCarty shirt. BOOTH: That's true. FRANKIE: Victim...is Ritchie alright? BRENNAN: No. No, he's dead. FRANKIE (drops to his knees, distraught): Ritchie!!! JOSEPHINE (runs back to him): Frankie! Frankie baby, what did they say? FRANKIE: Ritchie's dead! GUIDO 1: Did you hear what he said? JOSEPHINE: The V? FRANKIE: The V! The V's dead! JOSEPHINE: Oh, Ritchie...Marena! Marena, someone killed Ritchie! GUIDETTE 1: Which Ritchie? Fat Ritchie? JOSEPHINE: No! Ritchie the V! GUIDETTE 1: Oh my God! Ritchie! Someone killed Ritchie the V! GUIDETTE 2: Oh no, he's freakin' out! GUIDETTE 3: No! Not Ritchie! (crying) BOOTH: Well, cat's out of the bag now. (More crying) (CUT TO: Royal Diner where BRENNAN and BOOTH are meeting with DR. LANCE SWEETS.) SWEETS: What these guys do is combine alcohol with, uh, highly caffeinated energy drinks containing pseudoephedrine. BOOTH: They have lots of posturing, muscles and fighting over girls. BRENNAN: Like many tribes, the markers that define a man involve s*x and violence. BOOTH: Look, Ritchie was hooking up with someone who was hooking with someone, that's the bottom line there. And the answer could be right in here. BRENNAN: These copies of his text messages just seem to be random letters. Some kind of code? BOOTH: Well, like TTFN. SWEETS: Ta-ta for now. (Booth and Brennan give him a look) I'm pretty good at these. BOOTH: Great, here you go, all yours. (hands him the folder of documents) Call when you're done. SWEETS: Okay. TTFN. (CUT TO: Brennan's Office, BRENNAN is working) HANNAH (knocks): Hey, Temperance. BRENNAN: Hello. HANNAH: Is this a bad time? BRENNAN: Um, for what? HANNAH: For us to talk? BRENNAN: No. No, this is a fine time for that. Come in. HANNAH (enters): This place is totally cool. It's like working in a spaceship. BRENNAN: Ah, I wouldn't know. I trained for a shuttle mission once but, never got to go. HANNAH: You're quite literal, aren't you? BRENNAN: Yes, I find I avoid a lot of misunderstandings if I merely deal with facts. HANNAH: Well, the reason I'm here, um, Seeley asked me to move in with him. BRENNAN: I can't really give you advice about that. I don't know you that well, and there are so many factors (Hannah laughs)...sexual compatibility... HANNAH: No. I'm doing it. I came back from Afghanistan to be with him. BRENNAN: Oh! Then, congratulations. You must be happy...you and Booth. HANNAH: Yeah, we are. But I was thinking, I wanted to get him something when I moved in, a present and...since you know him so well... BRENNAN: A telephone. Get him a telephone! HANNAH: I was thinking something a little more personal. BRENNAN: A vintage rotary phone. Booth loves them and hasn't been able to find the right one. HANNAH: Really? BRENNAN: Yes. He's been looking. He says that's what a phone is supposed to be...indestructible and heavy enough to knock someone out. HANNAH: Yeah, that, that sounds like Seeley. BRENNAN: His grandfather kept his rotary phone until it fell apart. Booth loved the feel of the Bakelite, the tick-tick-tick of the dial as it turned...he says the mechanics make it human. HANNAH: And lucky for me, he has a partner who knows him so well. BRENNAN: Booth and I have become very close, by necessity. Congratulations again. I'm happy for you both. HANNAH: Thanks. (starts to walk out of the office) BRENNAN: One thing, Hannah. (Hannah turns back) I want you to be sure about this. HANNAH: The phone? BRENNAN: No, although I understand the misunderstanding. No, about you and Booth moving in together. Booth will give himself to you completely. And it will be very painful for him if you aren't as serious about the relationship as he is. HANNAH: I am. But thanks though. You're a good friend, Temperance. Seeley's very lucky. (CUT TO: Bone Room) FISHER (examining the victim's skull): My shrink thought I should get out of the forensic anthropology business. I tried to explain its not violent death that makes me morbidly depressed, it was life. CAM: And he thinks that explanation shows a positive attitude? FISHER: Oh, I'm quite positive about my job. For example, these injuries...how cool are they? There's a perimortem bruise near the depression fracture. That must have hurt. CAM: Another cheery thought, once I removed the scalp, subscapular hemorrhaging was apparent. FISHER: That means there were two injuries to the head. CAM: Which means for the victim to have taken a swan dive onto the pavement, he would have had to do it twice. FISHER: Is there enough Red Bull and vodka in the world to explain that? CAM: Most likely, he was struck in the head twice by the same weapon. What did Hodgins say about the concrete sample? FISHER: It's called Minutecrete and it's not a match to the sample taken from the shore house. CAM: We should do a search for any weapons that could be made of Minutecrete. (exits) FISHER (to victim's skull): Don't look at me that way, dude. You don't know how good you got it. (CUT TO: Angela's Office, where ANGELA is eating saltines while lying down on her couch) CAM (enters): Angela, can you run a search on possible weapons made from Minutecrete? ANGELA (gets up, brushes off crumbs from her clothes): Yeah, sure. CAM: Something that could cause fractures and subscapular hemorrhaging oh my God. ANGELA: What? CAM: You're... ANGELA: Oh I'm, yeah, I'm messy. I know I shouldn't eat lying down. CAM: Pregnant. You're pregnant. ANGELA: What? Pregnant? Me?! No. No. No. CAM: You've got that whole glowy thing and the crackers...I mean, nobody eats crackers for pleasure. ANGELA: Okay, listen. I've been feeling a little bit queasy but, you cannot tell anybody about this. CAM: I was right! I knew it! Um...are you happy about this? ANGELA: Yes, we're, we're thrilled. I mean, I could be having a little Hodgins. How cute would that be? CAM: Oh...m-maybe you should lie down. ANGELA: Uh, no, I'm, I'm okay, actually I'm feeling pretty good. I can do anything, you know? I would hope that you could keep this between us because, nobody else knows. CAM: Oh, of course. Just you and me. ANGELA: Okay. I mean, you can't even tell Hodgins that you know, um, because he wants to make some sort of big announcement at the right time...? CAM: I-I won't breathe a word. ANGELA: Okay. CAM: Oh, I'm just so happy, this is so great, Angela, I'm... FISHER (enters): What is? CAM: That...she is... ANGELA: That I, I have a, um, I have a database of concrete items that can kill someone and today...is the first day that I can use it so I am...o-over the moon. CAM: Yes. And you shouldn't disturb her, Mr. Fisher. FISHER: I wanted to give you the measurements of the injuries, the dispersal of fracturing. ANGELA: Great! Great, fantastic. CAM: And I'll...go...away now. (gives Angela a big grin and exits) FISHER: I just can't get as stoked about work as you guys can. ANGELA (mutters): Okay then. (CUT TO: Club Elegante; BOOTH and BRENNAN arrive, with TERROR, the bouncer, outside the club) TERROR: Hey, whoa, put on the brakes. We're doing a list. BRENNAN (to Booth): Let me handle this. (to Terror, bumps shoulders with him) Yo, 'sup. Yeah. (enters the club) BOOTH (tries to follow): Bones, hol... TERROR: Hey, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, the list. BOOTH: FBI, okay? We're here about a murder. Listen, the victim was here at this establishment uh, with this guy. (shows Terror victim's photo) Uh, is he here tonight? TERROR (points out a guy): Oh yeah, he's right there, see? Him. (points to another guy) No, no, him. (points to another guy) Him? BOOTH: Okay, you know what, I'll tell you what, we'll go, let's go scope the place out ourselves, alright? TERROR: Do your thing. BOOTH: Yeah, whatever. (enters the club) (CUT TO: Inside Club Elegante. People dancing and fist-bumping.) BRENNAN (to Booth, points to some guidettes): Notice the two unpaired females. Their body movements and attire suggest they are available for mating. BOOTH: Bones, we're looking Peppy. BRENNAN: Oh! Over there. BOOTH: Where, Peppy? BRENNAN: No, no, two males have spotted the available females and will approach and begin the exhibition. Fascinating. BOOTH: Fascinating? More like pitiful. BRENNAN: Now the males are displaying their musculature indicating they are good breeders. These activities show that these two will soon mate and the other suitors will continue their search elsewhere. BOOTH: Okay, just remember, we're here looking for Peppy. (they walk up to three guidettes) Excuse me, FBI. You ladies recognize this guy? GUIDETTES: Uh-uh. (Booth and Brennan turn to look at a scuffle at the bar manned by CLINTON, the ice man) CLINTON: Get back here! Stop that guy! You're toast man! You're toast! (A guido - PEPPY DIO - holding an ice bucket laughs tauntingly at Clinton and throws ice cubes at him) BRENNAN: Booth, look, it's him! BOOTH (to Peppy): Hey you, FBI! Hold it right there! PEPPY: Yeah, right. (runs off) CLINTON (goes after Peppy, who dumps the entire ice bucket on Clinton's head): Yeah, you going to pay for that! Come on! (Clinton and Peppy fight on the dance floor) BOOTH: Hey, hey! (Peppy punches Clinton, turns to Booth and throws a punch at him but misses. Booth punches Peppy, who gets up and tries to get to Booth but Brennan gets between them and makes a weird fierce posturing) BRENNAN: This posturing is called throwing the crab, it will intimidate him into compliance. (Peppy looks at her, puzzled and amused) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT FOUR (CUT TO: BOOTH and BRENNAN talking to CLINTON and PEPPY on the dance floor) BOOTH: Yeah, what was that about? CLINTON: These idiots think ice is free, and its not. They're always in my way, they never let me do my job. Look, I gotta account for every single cube. PEPPY: Ice is frozen water, yo. Water's free, do the math, dipstick! CLINTON: Put on some lipgloss, Mary! PEPPY: I will, 'cause your mother likes my lips soft. BRENNAN (to Booth): Oh, he's suggesting that he had s*x with his mother. BOOTH: Right, got that, Bones. CLINTON (to Peppy): Steroid freak. PEPPY (to Clinton): Who's the one who goes ballistic over water? CLINTON: Yeah, like you even know what ballistic means. BOOTH (to Clinton): You, you can go home now. Come on, go. PEPPY: Ballistic as in referring to from the balls! BRENNAN: No, that's not even close to an accurate definition. Ballistic refers to projectile in flight. PEPPY: So, can I make like a ballistic now? BOOTH: No, you cannot make like a ballistic now because you are the last person who saw Ritchie Genaro alive. PEPPY: Seriously, yo? Ritchie was my boy. How am I gonna kill my boy? BRENNAN: Knocking him over the head. BOOTH: You don't seem very upset. PEPPY: It's killing me. But I gotta keep on for Ritchie. He woulda wanted me to keep on, you feel me? BRENNAN: Uh, he's asking if you understand. BOOTH: So his mother said you guys were doing steroids. PEPPY: One cycle, that was all for Ritchie. And I don't use 'roids, not anymore. Ritchie got me off 'em, proved they would trick my ballistics. BRENNAN: So Ritchie only did anabolic steroids once? PEPPY: His mother would kill him, like for real. BOOTH: Alright, look, can you think of anyone who would want to kill Ritchie besides his mother? PEPPY: His stalker. BOOTH: Does his stalker have a name? PEPPY: I don't know her name...I didn't see her here tonight. I could describe her. BOOTH: Okay. PEPPY: She got dark hair, dark skin...big hair. BOOTH: Ah, like everybody in this club. BRENNAN: Would Ritchie's stalker be aggressive enough to strike him over the head hard enough to force his skull down over his spine? GUIDETTE 1: Shut your mouth! (Booth, Peppy and Brennan look at two guidettes having an argument) GUIDETTE 2: Skank! GUIDETTE 1: Ho! (Violent catfight ensues) BRENNAN: I withdraw the question. (CUT TO: Jeffersonian; Angela's Office, where ANGELA is presenting some figures on the Angelatron to CAM, BRENNAN and HODGINS.) ANGELA: Okay, comparing the concrete sample to the injuries on the victim's skull, the weapon appears to have a curved edge. Okay, completing the arc... CAM: The murder weapon was some sort of concrete cylinder? BRENNAN: With a 3.175 centimeter diameter. HODGINS: Like a...plumbing pipe. ANGELA: Yeah...or a tetherball pole. BRENNAN: That's so random, yo. (Everyone looks at her strangely) In the vernacular. (CUT TO: FBI Conference Room) SWEETS: While I was studying all the text messages, I created this overview of what Dr. Brennan calls the tribe, seen through digital lines of communication. This is our victim. (points to a picture on the diagram he made) BOOTH: Ritchie the V...he texted all these women? SWEETS: Yeah, and these are women who texted other men. BOOTH: Oh, it's like jealousy map. Good work. SWEETS: Thank you. So, look at what I stumbled across. A week before the victim was murdered, over 200 texts were exchanged between the victim and a woman named Marie Galasso. (points out Marie Galasso) BOOTH: Hmm. Arrow slash three? SWEETS: Oh, that means a broken heart. BOOTH: M I 2 M 2 H 6y? SWEETS: Am I too much to handle, sexy? BOOTH: So they were together once and she expected more. SWEETS: Y RNT U D 4 6. Why aren't you down for s*x? And then there's this one, 2 G 2 B 4G. Too good to be forgotten. So this is where it gets really ugly. Ritchie texts Marie that she was just a grenade. BOOTH: A grenade? SWEETS: Yeah, a grenade is an overweight undesirable woman that one must jump on so a friend can get with the prettier girl. BOOTH: Oh. SWEETS: Now this really set Marie off. She calls him a bunch of curse words, some of which I had to look up. BOOTH: Sounds like motive to me. SWEETS: Yeah, and after that, Ritchie texts his friends wherever he's headed to find out if she's gonna be there. BOOTH: So she was stalking him. SWEETS: Check this out. UL B SRY. You'll be sorry. Followed by U R GNG 2 DI. BOOTH: You are going... SWEETS: You are going to die. BOOTH: 4Q. SWEETS: I think that's pretty self-explanatory. ACT FIVE (CUT TO: FBI Interrogation Room with BOOTH and MARIE GALASSO, who was pacing) BOOTH: Why don't you just sit down, Marie? MARIE: No! I ain't tired. BOOTH: How is that, uh, a little thing like you could kidnap a strong guy like Ritchie. What happened? Did you find him with another woman? MARIE: I ain't saying nothing. BOOTH: Okay, "I ain't saying nothing" means you're guilty. MARIE: No, I ain't saying nothing not 'cause I'm guilty. I ain't not saying nothing because I loved him. I loved Ritchie and he loved me, okay? I'm not just some Shore-whore. We had plans. Now Ritchie wasn't just some guido, okay? He was going to school to be a therapist. He was gonna do stuff and be somebody and like that, okay? I knew him on a very deep level. He was no juicehead and no knucklehead. He was a gentleman. BOOTH: Okay, I get it. He was a gentleman. Why don't you just sit down and just relax. (Marie sits down; Booth sighs) Now, let's say you didn't kill him. MARIE (gets up again): I didn't kill him! I loved him! You know what, you wanna put me in prison for love, go ahead, okay? I'm guilty as charged, sweetheart. BOOTH: You said you knew him on a deep level. MARIE: Yes, I did. BOOTH: Okay, so why is he dead? Was he afraid of someone? MARIE (laughs): That's funny. Ritchie the V...feared no man. But there was somebody scared of him, maybe wanted him quiet. BOOTH: Who? MARIE: The trainor at the gym who was selling 'roids, 'kay? Ritchie busted the guy. BOOTH: Does this guy have a name? MARIE: They call him Terror. He works the door at Club Elegante. BOOTH: Right. (CUT TO: FBI - Booth's Office) BOOTH (sees SWEETS enter): Hey, Sweets, turns out our victim Ritchie ratted out a steroid dealer. (Sweets closes Booth's door) That same dealer works as a bouncer at Club Elegante. Why'd you shut the door? SWEETS: Well, I have to speak to you, Agent Booth. BOOTH: Okay, that tone of voice says that you want to speak at me. SWEETS: I hear that you asked Hannah to move in with you? BOOTH: So? SWEETS: As your friend... BOOTH: This, this isn't a shrinky visit? SWEETS: No. BOOTH: So from one friend to another, I'm fine, everything's great. Nothing to worry about. SWEETS: Okay, there might be a little shrinky stuff, because that's who I am. BOOTH (walks to the door): Yeah, okay, thanks, friend. (They both walk to the elevator) SWEETS: You know, the relationship that you and Hannah have, it was forged in a highly adrenalized environment. BOOTH: Well, yeah, we were in war together. I mean, our relationship was literally battle-tested. SWEETS: Right. But a new environment, you know, a calmer one with fewer distractions, it alters your dynamic. I just don't want you to jump into something too soon. BOOTH: I really appreciate it, Sweets, but Hannah is bringing all of her stuff over tonight. I even went and I got her some bathroom stuff, a set of new sheets. I mean, what kind of guy does something that crazy if he isn't sure? SWEETS: Hard to argue with that. (Booth enters the elevator) I just had to say something, you know? BOOTH: Yeah, you're a good kid. (elevator door closes) SWEETS: Oh boy. (CUT TO: Jeffersonian; Bone Room) FISHER: I was looking at bone fragments from the top of the skull when I found these. I'm taking out the remaining sliver that was buried in the fractures. (HODGINS magnifies the thing that Fisher found on the monitor) Well, it's not bone. HODGINS: No, some kind of yellow polymer. Its possibly polyvinyl chloride or polytetrafluoroethylene. FISHER: So he had concrete and plastic in his head. (yawns) HODGINS: Oh no. Uh, you okay? FISHER: Are you gonna ask me that every time I yawn? HODGINS: Possibly. I don't want you to fall asleep again for another two months, Van Winkle. FISHER: Alright. HODGINS: I'm gonna figure out where this plastic is from. It might help Angela narrow down the murder weapon FISHER (yawns): Okay. (CUT TO: Inside Club Elegante, which is empty) BOOTH (to Brennan): So when Ritchie ratted out Terror for selling drugs, he lost his job at the gym, all of his clients, it was a mess. TERROR (enters): Can I help you? BOOTH: Yeah. Why don't you tell us what happened between you and your buddy Ritchie. I'm guessing that didn't go very well since he's dead. TERROR: I don't have to say nothin'. I'm the doorman of this establishment so I'm gonna ask you guys to leave. BOOTH: I wouldn't be acting like bouncer right now. BRENNAN (notices the door to the storage room was open): Booth, the storage room. (starts to walk to the storage room) TERROR (stops Brennan): Hey, hey, hey! No. BOOTH: Whoa! (into Terror's face) Did you just shove my partner? TERROR: You're all bad with a gun and a badge, but you won't always be on duty, you know what I'm saying? BOOTH: No, I don't know what you're saying. Why don't you spell it out for me? TERROR: I mean, watch your back. BRENNAN: Oh, no, (Booth starts taking off his suit jacket) you, you shouldn't threaten Agent Booth, he can be very male. BOOTH: I don't like walking around looking over my shoulder, huh? (hands Brennan his gun) So what do you say we do this right now, hmm? TERROR: Alright, li-listen, my boss holds me responsible for everything in that storage room. I wasn't looking for trouble. BOOTH: You're not looking for trouble? He's not looking for trouble. (Brennan gives him back his gun and suit jacket) Which means you are giving Bones permission to go look in the storage room. Bones? BRENNAN (walks to the storage room, notices something): Booth? BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Look, yellow plastic and concrete. ACT SIX (CUT TO: FBI Interrogation Room, where BOOTH is interrogating TERROR) TERROR: Fine, whatever. Yeah, Ritchie ratted on me and I was pissed, but I didn't kill him. Is this really necessary? BOOTH: Then where were you last Thursday night? TERROR: At work. BOOTH: No, you weren't at work. TERROR: I didn't kill Ritchie the V. BOOTH: Then where were you? You know, if I were you, I'd plead road rage. TERROR: I got an alibi. BOOTH: You can't just have an alibi, you gotta share it with the world. TERROR: I took my Ma up to New York to see Billy Elliot. BOOTH: Billy Elliot? TERROR: Yeah, the boy that dances, yeah. BOOTH (trying not to laugh): You like musicals. TERROR: That's why I wasn't forthcoming about my alibi. There's some joys in life you wanna keep to yourself. BOOTH: Billy Elliot is a joy? TERROR: Its beautiful, dude. The boy is an angel. BOOTH: Right. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna find somebody who knows the show and you're gonna tell it to them, the whole story. Then we'll see if you really saw Billy Elliot with your mother. TERROR: Oh, I can perform the whole thing. Word for word. (CUT TO: Angela's Office, where ANGELA is presenting something on the Angelatron to FISHER and HODGINS) ANGELA: This plastic sliver is curved, just like the Minutecrete was. HODGINS: Well, they look pretty close. FISHER: Oh, so close. HODGINS: Okay, both fragments were in the skull wound, but how did they get there if they weren't part of the same weapon? ANGELA: Yeah, that's a good question. Well, since the plastic doesn't fit inside the circle, how about trying it on the outside? FISHER: Okay, that worked. HODGINS: Yeah, alright, great, then what did we just find out? ANGELA: Plastic-covered cement. HODGINS: Concrete. Uh, I'm just being precise. You know, cement is the ingredient in concrete that keeps everything kind of together? FISHER: Right! Uh, right...like...ugh, I totally suck. (CUT TO: BOOTH and BRENNAN walking to Royal Diner) BOOTH: Terror told the whole story of Billy Elliot. He even teared up a couple of times. BRENNAN: Well, it is a touching story of triumph over background and adversity. BOOTH: Well, his mom even backed him up, saying they even had receipts. (they enter the Royal Diner) BRENNAN: You don't think he did it. BOOTH: The whole timeline doesn't add up. Let's sit over here. BRENNAN: Okay, Ritchie's friends say he disappeared on Thursday. BOOTH: Right, so, and the body was found buried in sand the next Monday. BRENNAN: Cam and Hodgins say that the body only took two days to decompose. BOOTH: Exactly. So either they're wrong or... BRENNAN: ...two days remain unaccounted for. BOOTH: Okay, Squints could have gotten it wrong. BRENNAN (shakes finger at Booth): Uh-uh. Uh-uh. BOOTH Don't do that. Don't do that. What? BRENNAN: I have an idea of how those two days went missing. I have to call Fisher. (CUT TO: Bone Room, where FISHER is working) CAM (enters): What are you doing? FISHER: Dr. Brennan had some kind of a brainstorm and it looks like she was right. CAM: You say that like its bad news. FISHER: I should've thought of it! CAM: O-kay. First, tell me the brainstorm. FISHER: Well, note the microfractures in the Haversian canals. CAM: Yes. From a blow to the skull? FISHER: These are from the victim's femur. The victim was frozen for two days! CAM: That's what caused the microfractures. (Fisher yawns) No, why are you yawning? Are you depre...don't yawn. FISHER: I suck. CAM: How long ago did Dr. Brennan have her brainstorm? FISHER: About 45 minutes ago. CAM: So basically, you're 45 minutes behind arguably the greatest forensic anthropologist in the nation? FISHER: That's one way to look at it, but... CAM: I'm not a psychiatrist but it seems to me that if your shrink says look on the bright side, he means give yourself the benefit of the doubt. FISHER: Yeah? CAM: Yeah. (something occurs to her) The victim was killed, and then frozen? FISHER: Apparently. CAM: Put on ice? FISHER: Metaphorically speaking. CAM: Or not. (exits) FISHER: What do you, what do you mean, "or not"? What? What did I miss? No, what did I miss?! (yawns) (CUT TO: BRENNAN and BOOTH gets out of the SUV and walks to the back entrance of Club Elegante, where an ice truck is parked) BRENNAN: Studies have shown that when frozen properly, a body's cell deterioration stops, and can be held in that state nearly indefinitely. But in order to avoid microfractures, when a person wants to be preserved cryogenically, they need to be flash-frozen. BOOTH: I get it, Bones. BRENNAN: I should have seen it earlier because when a body is frozen slowly, the decomposition rate speeds up as the body thaws. (They notice CLINTON pounding the ice with a yellow bat) BOOTH (takes away the bat from Clinton): Hey! (shows the bat to Brennan) Bones? BRENNAN: Look, plastic filled with concrete. That's the murder weapon. BOOTH (to Clinton): You killed the wrong guy. CLINTON: What do you mean? BOOTH: Ritchie the V didn't steal your ice. It was his roommate. BRENNAN: They were wearing the same shirt. BOOTH: You and Peppy were hollering at each other, he takes off, you see Ritchie in the same shirt. BRENNAN: Maybe you threaten him with your wiffle bat. BOOTH: He doesn't know that the bat's filled with cement, he comes at you... BRENNAN: You hit him twice. BOOTH: Then you put him on ice for two days, then you bury him at the beach. CLINTON: I'm just trying to make a living. You know what it's like? To be overrun by these morons? Every delivery they screw with me, take my ice...I lost it. BOOTH: No, Peppy is a real douche, and I'm sure he's got his beatings coming to him down the line, but Ritchie? Ritchie was a good guy. All he was doing was looking for a good time up at the Jersey Shore. CLINTON: What can I say? They all look alike. (CUT TO: Booth's Apartment, where BRENNAN, CAM, HANNAH and ANGELA are drinking and laughing at the living room) BRENNAN: When you said you didn't need us to help you move in, I thought you were merely being polite. HANNAH: I don't really do that. CAM: I'm still...this is everything you own in the world? (gestures to Hannah's bags) HANNAH: Mhmm. It's the life I choose. (BOOTH enters) ANGELA: Yeah, she travels light. I used to travel light. BRENNAN: Booth won't even have to make room for you. ANGELA (notices Booth): Hey, man of the house, come on in. Pretend you live here. BOOTH (looks at them, puzzled): Hi. What's going on? HANNAH: Oh my God. Did you not mean it when you said I could move in? BOOTH: No, uh, yes, I wanted you to move in. BRENNAN: We offered to help her, but... CAM: This is everything. (gestures at Hannah's bags) ANGELA: You're basically taking in a homeless woman. HANNAH: I prefer the term nomad. ANGELA: I used to be a nomad...who drank wine. BOOTH: You don't drink wine anymore? ANGELA: Um... BOOTH (looks at Hannah, Brennan, then Angela): No. (looks at Cam) CAM (nods smilingly): And he just got it. BOOTH: Hey, congratulations! That's so great! (hugs Angela) ANGELA: Listen, you have to act surprised when Hodgins tells you, okay? BOOTH: Promise. You're gonna be a great mom. ANGELA: Thank you. CAM: Oh, speaking of which, I've gotta get home to Michelle and I don't want to reek of wine. ANGELA: Yeah, I should probably get home to Mr. Hodgins. CAM: Bye, guys. (exits) HANNAH: Bye. BOOTH: Congratulations. ANGELA: Thank you. (to Cam) Hey, wait for me. (exits) BOOTH: Okay. (to Hannah) Welcome home. (looks at the phone with a red bow) What's that? HANNAH: Oh, it's a housewarming gift. A Bakelite. Original. Do you like it? BOOTH (tries the phone, hears the dial tone): Hey, it's a real one! (Brennan smiles at his reaction) HANNAH: Temperance told me that you liked them, so... BOOTH: No, I love it. Thanks. (moves to kiss Hannah) HANNAH and BRENNAN: You're welcome. BOOTH: That's...great. BRENNAN (gets up from the couch to leave): See you tomorrow. (Booth and Hannah turn to her) BOOTH: Oh. HANNAH: Oh, no, stay. Do you want to join us for dinner? BOOTH: Yeah, I can make my famous mac 'n cheese. BRENNAN: No, traditionally, when two people share a domicile for the first time, the person who doesn't, leaves. HANNAH: Thanks for your help. (Brennan walks to the door, Booth follows her) BOOTH: Hey, Bones. I'll see you tomorrow. BRENNAN: Yes. Tomorrow. (They give each other a look with a slight smile on their faces. Brennan closes the door.)

When Booth and Brennan are called to investigate decomposed remains found at the Jersey Shore, the team IDs the victim as Richie "The V" Genaro, a 23-year-old who partied the night before at a popular nightclub. Booth and Brennan question Genaro's peers and the club bouncer, and Brennan surprisingly proves her pop culture savvy and anthropological expertise after watching what she believes to be a documentary on the inhabitants of the Jersey Shore, but was in actuality a reality show set there. Meanwhile, at the lab, the team grows fond of Booth's girlfriend, Hannah, and Angela tries to keep her pregnancy a secret.

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I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser Buffy in the Summers house, turning toward the living room. BUFFY: What are you doing? GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy walking into the living room, seeing Joyce on the sofa. PARAMEDIC: Your mother's dead. Buffy in the hospital. BUFFY: She just wouldn't believe me. Dawn in the school bathroom. DAWN: Oh god. BUFFY: I still don't think she does. Dawn talking to Ben. DAWN: I'm not real. BEN: You're the key. Go, before she finds you. She's here. Ben morphing into Glory. The lights come on. Buffy looks up, startled. GILES: Buffy, you're here. Giles, Dawn, and the funeral-home director enter. Buffy drops the lid of the coffin and folds her arms. GILES: You all right? BUFFY: Yeah. DIRECTOR: Did you find something? BUFFY: (nods) This one. Dawn walks over and stares at the coffin. DIRECTOR: (OS) It's a fine choice. It speaks of your deep feeling for the deceased. Giles and the director turn to leave. Buffy follows but Dawn remains. The others stop and look back at Dawn. BUFFY: You don't like it? DAWN: (still looking at the coffin) No, it's not that. It's just ... what if Mom ... what if she'd like something else better? BUFFY: Dawn... DAWN: I mean, how do we know for sure? She's the one who has to be in it forever. BUFFY: Dawn, maybe it wasn't such a good idea you coming along. DAWN: (turns to look at her) It's fine. It's just ... BUFFY: I'm serious. Y-you shouldn't have to deal with this stuff. DIRECTOR: If you'd like a few more minutes to decide- BUFFY: No. I, it's done, it's fine. (to Dawn) Okay? Dawn nods. BUFFY: Okay. Buffy turns and walks out with the men following. Dawn remains staring at the coffin. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring David Boreanaz, Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Troy T. Blendell, Amber Benson as Tara, and Joel Grey as Doc. Written and directed by Marti Noxon. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on Dawn in the Summers dining room, standing by a side table, looking at the card in a flower arrangement. GILES: (OS) I checked prices at different florists, and the funeral home seems to be fairly competitive. Dawn turns and we see the table, laid out with food. Xander sits at left eating. Giles and Buffy sit side-by-side at the end of the table, looking at paperwork. BUFFY: Let's just go with that, it's easier. DAWN: (sits at the other end) What color flowers? Willow enters with a pitcher of water, pours a glass, and sits opposite Xander. BUFFY: Uh, white. (looks at Giles) They're nice. GILES: Yeah. BUFFY: (to Giles) Uh, what about an announcement? People are gonna be expecting a wake after the burial unless we say something. GILES: Um, well, we could put a, a line in the program expressing your mother's preference not to have one. WILLOW: There's no wake? BUFFY: Mom didn't like them. She said that potlucks are depressing enough as it is. DAWN: She said that? When? BUFFY: Uh, right before she went in for the operation. We had a talk about what she wanted ... in case. (looks down) DAWN: She never said anything to me. XANDER: I'm sure she just didn't wanna upset you, Dawnster. Now you better get to work on that dinner. You barely touched it. BUFFY: You really should eat something. DAWN: Why should I? You're not. BUFFY: This isn't about- The cordless phone on the table rings. Buffy sighs. BUFFY: (to Giles) I'm all phoned out. Will you? Unless it's my dad. GILES: Of course. Giles answers the phone. Buffy returns to the papers. GILES: Hello? Yes, yes they did. (Buffy looks at him) Thank you. (gets up) The, uh, funeral is at, uh, three tomorrow. Do you know the Brown Brothers mortuary? Giles walks out of the room, still talking. Buffy and Dawn look disappointed. BUFFY: Can't believe he still hasn't called. XANDER: Your dad's still AWOL, huh? BUFFY: The number he left for us in Spain is no good, and I've left messages everywhere. Um, how about a line that just says, 'Following the burial, there will be no wake'? Or gathering? (Shot of Willow thinking about it) 'At the request of Joyce, there will be no gathering'? Uch, that sounds lame. Buffy puts a hand to her forehead. Willow gives her a concerned look, looks at Dawn, gets up and begins clearing the table. DAWN: What are we gonna do? After, I mean. Are we just gonna ... come back here? BUFFY: Uh ... I, I don't know. I guess so. Um, how about 'At the request of the family, there will be no wake.' XANDER: (gets up to move into the chair next to Buffy) Good, yeah, it's got, uh... DAWN: (to herself) I don't wanna be here. BUFFY: Should I put it at the top, or just a small line at the bottom? Xander and Buffy bend over the paperwork. Willow re-enters, resumes clearing. DAWN: Can I go to your place tomorrow? WILLOW: Tomorrow? DAWN: After everything. WILLOW: Um, well, maybe you and Buffy should ... I-I don't mind. DAWN: (to Buffy) Can I? BUFFY: (looks up from discussing with Xander) Huh? DAWN: Can I go to Willow's tomorrow after the service? BUFFY: (looks at Willow, uncertainly) Um ... i-if you want to. I guess so. DAWN: I'll, uh, get my sleeping bag out of the attic. She gets up and leaves. Buffy returns to her paperwork. Cut to: Willow and Xander leaving the house. Xander closes the door and they start down the porch steps. XANDER: You going home? WILLOW: I'm gonna stop by my mom's first. Been doing that a lot lately. XANDER: Yeah. I actually might stop by your mom's too. (she looks at him) Well, I'm not going to *my* place. Those people are scary. (looks up) Speaking of. We see Spike coming up the walkway holding a bunch of flowers. XANDER: You have got to be kidding. SPIKE: (sighs) I'm not going in. XANDER: And you're not leaving those. Shot of Spike's hand holding the flowers. XANDER: You actually think you're gonna score points with Buffy this way? SPIKE: This isn't about Buffy. (walks closer) XANDER: Bull. We're all hip to your doomed obsession. SPIKE: They're for Joyce. XANDER: Like you care about her. Spike sighs angrily. Willow steps between them. WILLOW: Guys, guys, not here. SPIKE: Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you that I could stand. XANDER: And she's the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched. SPIKE: I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. (Xander and Willow exchange a look) She didn't put on airs. She always had a nice cuppa for me. Willow looks sympathetic. SPIKE: And she never treated me like a freak. XANDER: Her mistake. SPIKE: (scoffs) Think what you want. He throws the flowers to the ground and stomps off. XANDER: Un ... believable. Willow looks at Xander, bends to pick up the flowers. XANDER: The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his s*x monkey. WILLOW: (looking at flowers) Xander... (he looks at her) He didn't leave a card. Xander stares in the direction Spike went, looking surprised. Willow looks sad. Cut to: a wall covered with old black-and-white pictures of people and children. Pan across the wall. It's the hallway in the upstairs of the Summers house. Through the open door, we see Buffy sitting on her bed staring at nothing. Pan across more photos. We see Dawn sitting on her bed doing the same. Fade to: graveyard, daylight. Aerial shot of a group of people standing around the coffin. Fade to a shot of Buffy and Dawn standing together. We can see Xander and Giles behind them. Fade to a shot of the coffin. MINISTER: (OS) We commend to almighty God... Fade to overhead shot of the group. MINISTER: (OS) ...our sister, Joyce Summers... Shot of Willow and Tara holding hands. Fade to shot of Anya and Xander. MINISTER: (OS) ...and we commit her body to the ground. Fade to overhead shot of the group. The camera moves down to head height. Buffy and Dawn are at the front of the group. Dawn wears a black dress, Buffy in black pants with a long beige coat over. MINISTER: (OS) Earth to earth... (shot of Giles) ...ashes to ashes... (shot of Buffy and Dawn. Dawn winces. Pan across the others) ...and dust to dust. Sound of a shovel digging into earth. Dawn suddenly turns and buries her face in Buffy's shoulder. Buffy puts her arms around Dawn, still staring at the coffin. Fade to shot of a shovel putting the first dirt on the coffin. MINISTER: (OS) The Lord bless her and keep her. Fade to overhead shot of the group as it breaks up. One by one the others hug Buffy and Dawn. MINISTER: (OS) The Lord makes his face to shine upon her and be gracious to her. Shot of Dawn looking upset, Willow and Tara in the background. Fade to shot of Buffy hugging Giles. MINISTER: (OS) The Lord lift up his countenance upon her... Shot of Willow and Tara. Tara leans on Willow's shoulder. MINISTER: (OS) ...and give her peace. Fade to a shot of Buffy and Dawn standing alone at the grave, with Willow and Tara behind. Dawn turns away from Buffy and walks over to them. Cut to a closer shot. Dawn takes Willow's arm as the three of them exchange nods. Tara moves over to Buffy, taps her gently on the shoulder. TARA: Hey, um, Dawn's kind of ready to go. Can we take her with us? BUFFY: Yeah. She should probably get out of here. TARA: What about you? We can wait if you want. BUFFY: I'm fine. Thank you. Tara rejoins the others, whispers to them and they turn to leave. Dawn looks back over her shoulder at Buffy as they lead her away. Shot of Buffy staring at the grave with a small frown on her face. The camera lingers on her as the daylight lengthens to darkness behind her. Shot of the grave with Buffy's feet beside it. Another pair of feet appears and walks up beside her. ANGEL: I'm sorry. We see Angel standing beside Buffy, both staring at the grave. ANGEL: I couldn't come sooner. Buffy doesn't look at him, but she nods slightly and slips her hand into his. They stand looking at the grave, holding hands. Cut to Willow and Tara's dorm room. Dawn lies on her sleeping bag on the floor, with Willow and Tara crouched on either side. WILLOW: Oh, Dawn. I wish I could ... help more. (Dawn doesn't look at her) The only thing is ... it'll get better. I promise. DAWN: (looks at her) You don't know that. TARA: Sure she does. We're witches. We know stuff. DAWN: What? (looks from one to the other, sits up) Life goes on, and I forget Mom? (angry) Is that what you're saying? WILLOW: Not forget, no! I, you... (looks to Tara for help) TARA: You make a place for her in your heart. It's sort of like she becomes a part of you. Does that make sense? WILLOW: (nods hopefully) Dawn ... hey, we don't have to talk about this now, uh, you could just go to sleep. DAWN: No. (gets up) I don't wanna sleep. TARA: Okay, we can just ... sit, or, or whatever you want. Dawn goes over to a low table where the magical supplies are laid out. DAWN: Good. 'Cause I know ... what I wanna do now. WILLOW: Great. (she and Tara get up) What are you up for? DAWN: You guys are witches ... and you do ... magic and ... stuff. WILLOW: You want us to teach you something? Uh, like a-a glamour, or, or, I could ... make a stuffed animal dance. DAWN: I wanna do a spell. I wanna bring Mom back. Shot of Willow and Tara looking concerned. Shot of Dawn looking determined. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on Anya and Xander in bed. Anya is on top of Xander, both covered by sheets. ANYA: Mm. (breathing heavily, lies down and puts her head on Xander's chest) That was different. XANDER: (breathing heavily) Yeah. It was more ... intense. ANYA: (nods) It's because of Joyce. XANDER: Right. (pause) Huh? ANYA: Well, she got me thinking ... about ... how people die all the time, and ... how they get born too, and how you kind of need one so you can have the other. When I think about it that way, it ... makes death a little less sad, and ... s*x a little more exciting. XANDER: Again I say, huh? ANYA: Well, I just think I understand s*x more now. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together. It's about life. (Xander looks a little alarmed) It's about *making* life. XANDER: (alarmed) Right, when ... two people are much older, and ... way richer, and far less stupid. ANYA: (lifts her head to look at him, laughs) Breathe. You're turning colors. I'm not ready to make life with you, but I could. *We* could. Life could come out of our love and our smooshing, and that's beautiful. (Xander looks relieved) It all makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger. Like I'm more awake somehow. (smiles) You know? XANDER: Yeah, I do. He lifts his head and they kiss. Cut to Willow and Tara still reacting to Dawn. TARA: (steps forward) Of course you wanna bring your mother back, and ... I wish we could, but it's not possible. DAWN: Why? You guys do magic for all kinds of things. WILLOW: We do, but... TARA: This is different. Magic can't be used to alter the natural order of things. DAWN: But all you do is mess with the natural order of things. You, you make things float, a-and disappear, and- TARA: But we don't mess with life and death. (Shot of Willow looking upset) Dawn, I know how bad you hurt. DAWN: You don't. (upset) They put her in the ground. TARA: They did, and it's awful and unfair, but this isn't the way. WILLOW: I'm not even sure it's possible, Dawn. I mean, I've ... seen things on resurrection, but ... there's books and stuff ... but I guess ... the spells ... backfire? TARA: That's not the point. WILLOW: That's not the point. The, the point is it's bad ... because ... TARA: Because witches can't be allowed to alter the fabric of life for selfish reasons. Wiccans took an oath a long time ago to honor that. DAWN: So it's possible ... to bring someone back? They wouldn't have taken an oath if thy didn't know they could do it. TARA: Maybe they could, but we can't. WILLOW: She's right, Dawn. It's too dangerous. DAWN: You said you wanted to help me. Dawn makes an annoyed sound and goes to lie down on her sleeping back with her back turned. Willow kneels beside her. WILLOW: Dawn... Willow touches Dawn's shoulder but she jerks away, turns over so her back is to Willow again. Willow looks over at Tara. Tara looks concerned. Cut to: graveyard, night. Pan across trees and graves. We discover Buffy and Angel sitting on the ground under a tree, leaning against it. Buffy has her legs curled under her and leans against Angel's shoulder. They both look at the grave as they talk. BUFFY: The funeral was ... (sighs) it was brutal, but it's tomorrow that I'm worried about. ANGEL: What's tomorrow? BUFFY: That's exactly what I don't know. Up until now, I ... I've had a road map. Things to do every minute, having to do with Mom. ANGEL: Tomorrow the stuff of everyday living resumes. BUFFY: And everybody expects me to know how to do it, because ... (sarcastically) I'm so strong. ANGEL: You just need some time. I'm sure everybody understands that. BUFFY: Time's not the issue. I can stick wood in vampires ... but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better ... just what to say. ANGEL: Yeah ... you'll find your way. I mean, not all at once, but... BUFFY: (shakes her head) I don't know. I keep thinking about it ... when I found her. If I had just gotten there ten minutes earlier... ANGEL: You said they told you it wouldn't have made a difference. BUFFY: They said ... "probably" ... wouldn't have made a difference. The exact thing they said ... was "probably." I haven't told that to anyone. ANGEL: Doesn't make it your fault. You couldn't have done anything different. BUFFY: (annoyed sigh) I didn't even start CPR until they told me. I fell apart. That's how good I am at being a grownup. ANGEL: Buffy... BUFFY: And it'd be okay if it was just me I had to worry about. But Dawn... ANGEL: Look, it's okay. I know you don't feel like it now, but you are strong, Buffy. You're gonna figure this out. And you have people to help you. You don't have to do this alone. BUFFY: (looks at the sky) It's gonna be light soon. ANGEL: I can stay in town as long as you want me. BUFFY: How's forever? Does forever work for you? She turns her head to look at Angel, sighs and sits up to look him in the face. BUFFY: (apologetically) That's a bad idea. I'm seriously needy right now. ANGEL: Let me worry about the neediness. I can handle it. They look at each other, then Buffy leans in and kisses him. They kiss softly for a moment. Then it gets a little more heated and they pull away, both breathing harder. BUFFY: (looks down) I told you. (Angel sighs) You better go. ANGEL: (another sigh) I'm sorry. BUFFY: (firmly) No. I'm so grateful that you came, Angel. I didn't think I was gonna be able to make it through the night. ANGEL: (looks up at the sky) Well, we still have a few more minutes until I have to go. BUFFY: Good. She puts her head on his chest and leans against him. He puts his arm around her shoulders. BUFFY: Good. They sit quietly together. Cut to: exterior hospital, night. Ben walks out, wearing a jacket over his hospital scrubs. He turns a corner and see Jinx lurking. Jinx sees Ben and walks toward him. BEN: (angrily) Tell my sister I'm sick of running into her Jawa rejects. JINX: She ... bade me come to you. The news of your relationship with the Slayer- BEN: We don't have a relationship. JINX: But ... you attempted to court her, did you not? BEN: You're more fun when I hit you. JINX: It's just, Glory ... would like to encourage this interest of yours in the Slayer. It might lead to more information about the key. BEN: And why would I share that with the most unstable one? JINX: Time ... is running short, sir. Every moment you fight Glory, you're only fighting yourself, you see? BEN: Fine. Let the best me win. Let Glory understand this: I won't help her find the key. I would never do that to an innocent- (stops himself) JINX: An innocent? The key? That's an interesting choice of words. BEN: No, that, that's not what I- JINX: I understand, sir. I'm sorry to have bothered you, I'll ... take my leave. He begins to leave but Ben stops him. BEN: You understand what? When I said it's innocent, I didn't mean that the key is ... it's not a person. JINX: Of course not. BEN: You're gonna run and tell her, aren't you? Do you understand what's going to happen if she finds the key? How many people are going to die? JINX: Please, I heard nothing. BEN: I can't let that happen. Shot of Ben's hand taking a dagger from Jinx's belt. BEN: Don't you see? Ben stabs Jinx with the dagger. Jinx gasps. BEN: I can't. He pushes Jinx to the ground, looks around nervously. Cut to: Dawn lying on the floor, covered with a blanket. We see her from the back. WILLOW: (OS) We're heading down to breakfast. We see Willow sitting beside Dawn. Dawn turns over to look at her. DAWN: I'm not hungry. WILLOW: Oh. Okay. (We see Tara standing nearby, holding schoolbooks. Dawn sits up) It's just, we have class after that, and I, I didn't know if you want to go home, or... DAWN: I was gonna sleep some more. Giles said he'd pick me up whenever. WILLOW: Oh, okay, great. Sure, uh, hang out. (smiling) I have a, a break around lunchtime. I can come back. DAWN: (sullen) I might not be here. WILLOW: (still smiling) Well, I'll try my luck. Dawn looks away. TARA: Take care, Dawn. Willow gets up, picks up her bag, looks back at Dawn. Dawn doesn't look at her. Willow walks to the door, pauses, framed in the shot with her bookcase behind her. Close shot of Willow's hand hanging by her side, the bookcase in the background. She wiggles her fingers, closing them into a fist. One of the books slides out so that it sticks out from the rest. Willow walks out of the shot, revealing Dawn behind her still sitting on the floor. Shot of the bookcase with the one book sticking out. Sound of the door closing. Dawn gets up and goes to the bookcase, pulls out the book, opens it. It is titled History of Witchcraft. DAWN: (reading table of contents) 'Age of Levitation ... War of the Warlocks...' (flips pages) 'Resurrection -- A Controversy Born.' She flips the pages quickly, finds the spot, reads quickly, then looks up with a thoughtful expression. Cut to: exterior magic shop, day. Cut to inside. Dawn is pretending to dust while really examining the merchandise. We see Anya doing something behind her. Dawn moves over to a cart full of books and dusts them while reading the spines. Anya follows, supervising. In the background we see Giles. He looks over. GILES: You don't have to do that, Dawn, just, just relax. ANYA: Yes, sit down. We have some very amusing chicken feet you can play with. DAWN: That's okay. ANYA: Don't you watch television? I thought all children despise effort and enjoy cartoons. DAWN: (rearranges some books) Um, I like being useful. It keeps my mind off things. GILES: (approaches) Then useful you shall be. I can always use a hand. He comes over to the customer side of the counter. Anya and Dawn stand behind it. ANYA: (anxious) But you have a hand. A paid hand. A hand that isn't the hand of illegal child labor. GILES: (rolls his eyes) Anya. ANYA: (nods in understanding, turns to Dawn) But of course, it's wonderful that you find doing my job so distracting. (smiles) I am unthreatened. Proceed. (walks away) GILES: Yes, uh, carry on, Dawn. Giles starts to move away too, but Dawn speaks up quickly to stop him. DAWN: Is there anything I should know, like, um, off-limits stuff? Willow told me that some of the books and things are ... kind of dangerous? GILES: Quite right. Um, but they're all labeled, and, and, and, uh, kept off the floor. Most of our, uh, more potent texts and potions are all up there. He points upward. Shot of the loft, a fairly narrow section full of bookcases. GILES: If anyone asks you about anything in that area, just come and get me. (turns away) DAWN: Okay. Anything else? GILES: Oh, um, well, if you like, uh, I could teach you how to ... work the cash register, you can ring up sales. DAWN: Cool. ANYA: (approaching) Ring up sales? With the money? She gets to fondle the money? Giles gives her a look. The door-opening bell sounds. ANYA: (excited) Customer! (walks off) Hello, customer! GILES: (to Dawn, resigned) I'll just be a moment. (moves off) ANYA: (in background) I'll help you! DAWN: (as Giles passes her) No problem. Dawn watches to make sure both Giles and Anya are occupied. Then she puts down her feather-duster and picks up her backpack. She climbs the ladder to the loft, looks over the books, grabs one and puts it in her pack. She picks up a small vial and it clinks against the others. She winces and looks to see if anyone heard, then puts it in her pack too, begins to climb back down. Below, Giles goes through the bead curtain (which separates the customer area from the office area) and Dawn freezes until he moves past. Then she continues climbing down. She reaches the bottom and turns to see Giles standing a little bit away. He didn't see her climbing down. GILES: Dawn. DAWN: Uh-huh? (quietly lets her backpack drop to the floor) GILES: Do you wanna come watch this, uh, transaction that Anya's doing? Then I'll let you try. DAWN: You got it. She walks off, leaving the camera to linger on her backpack. Cut to: graveyard, night. Dawn kneels by the fresh grave, opening a jar. Overhead shot of her. She scoops some dirt from the grave into the jar and caps it. She reaches over to smooth down the remaining dirt, looks around nervously, brushes her hands off. We see someone come up behind her. SPIKE: I hope it's just dirt you're after. Dawn turns in surprise. SPIKE: If the spell calls for anything more than that, you're into zombie territory, and that's bad news. DAWN: (shakes her head anxiously) Spike, I-I wasn't... SPIKE: I know good and well what you're up to. That book you've got is infamous. DAWN: Please ... don't tell Buffy. I just ... I have to get her back. (anguished) I have to. SPIKE: I'm not gonna tell, little bit. Dawn looks surprised. SPIKE: I'm gonna help. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on a phonograph with a record on the turnstile. The song is "Tales of Brave Ulysses" by Cream (same song that Giles and Joyce listened to in "Band Candy"). SINGER: ...you touch the distant beaches with tales of brave Ulysses... Pull out to reveal Giles standing next to the phonograph in his apartment. He has a glass in his hand. SINGER: How his naked ears were tortured by the sirens sweetly singing... Giles goes over to a chair and sits. SINGER: For the sparkling waves are calling you to kiss their white-laced lips... The song goes into a guitar riff. Giles slowly takes a sip from his glass and sits staring at nothing. Cut to Spike and Dawn walking down the street of downtown Sunnydale, night. SPIKE: I've never used this bloke's services myself, but there's talk. Word is he knows everything there is to know about resurrection spells. Dawn looks a little nervous. SPIKE: Come on now, no worries. DAWN: You don't have to be all nice to me. I know why you're doing this. SPIKE: Do you now? Enlighten me. DAWN: (frowns, stops walking) Spike, I'm not stupid. You're, like, stalking my sister. (Spike stops, turns to look at her) You'd do anything to get in good with her. SPIKE: (takes a few steps closer; firmly) Buffy never hears about this, okay? (looks around) Found out what I was doing, she'd drive a redwood through my chest. DAWN: Then, if you don't want credit, why are you helping me? SPIKE: (looking at the ground, quietly) I just don't like to see Summers women take it so hard on the chin, is all. (looks up, speaks angrily) And I'm dead serious. You breathe a word of this to Buffy, I'll see to it that *you* end up in the ground. Got it? DAWN: Yeah. Got it. Cut to: Glory's apartment. Glory is walking down the stairs into the living room, followed by several sycophant demons. GLORY: Where is he? He should have been back hours ago. MURK: I'm sure Jinx is on his way, your ... new and improvedness. He's most loyal to- GLORY: Hey! He better be loyal. The door opens and two more demons enter, half-carrying Jinx between them. He has his arms around their shoulders but is conscious. GLORY: Jinxie? She rushes forward and takes one of Jinx's arms around her shoulders. The displaced demon goes to shut the door. GLORY: Oh, no, no! Oh, mind the rug, honeys, blood's a bitch. (to Jinx) Was this the Slayer, I'll pull her wings off! JINX: No. They put Jinx on a sofa. JINX: It was Ben. GLORY: Ben? (turns away) Ben? Oh god, you pointless, stupid lout! Oh, I hate you, I hate you, (pulls several handfuls of hair off her head) I hate youuuuu! JINX: The key! He told me. GLORY: The key? She turns back to him, still holding handfuls of hair. GLORY: What about the key? JINX: He indicated that it was a person, most ... (searching for words) ... highest ... you. GLORY: (smiling hopefully) The key's in human form? JINX: I believe so ... (searching for words) good one. GLORY: (delighted) Ahh! She sits on the sofa and pulls Jinx into a hug. GLORY: Jinx, you robed stud, you're my man! I'm even gonna let you slide on the lame toadying on account of your dying and stuff. Jinx looks a little surprised to hear this. He looks to Glory but she is talking to the other demons. Jinx looks from her to the other demons to his wound as Glory talks. GLORY: So, the key's all secreted away in a flesh wrapper! (gets up and paces) This narrows the search from now on in a serious way, I mean we didn't have a clue. It could have been a log, or, or a bicycle pump, or whatever, am I right? Jinx has fallen asleep or unconscious on the sofa. GLORY: Uch, get him fixed, would ya? (smiling, plops down on another sofa) I wanna hear the whole story again, without all that annoying moaning. Cut to: an apartment. A black cat jumps over a globe in the foreground and runs offscreen as the door opens and we see Spike. He holds the door open for Dawn, who enters cautiously. DAWN: This place belongs to a magic guy? It smells like grandpa. Spike closes the door. The camera pulls back so we can see piles of books and papers all over a table. SPIKE: Hey! We see a door leading into another room, partly obscured by a curtain. Behind the curtain there's a figure standing. SPIKE: Anybody home? The figure moves through the curtains. Spike and Dawn look apprehensive. The figure emerges and turns out to be a small elderly man wearing glasses and a bathrobe. He looks surprised to see them. DOC: I know you. SPIKE: I don't think so, mate. DOC: No, no, you're that guy, that, that guy, hangs around down at the corner mart. (Spike looks confused) Big into dominoes, aren't you? SPIKE: Can't say as I am. Look, we came here because- (stops because Doc is laughing) DOC: That's crazy, isn't it? I mean, I, I, I'd swear, you were that guy. (Dawn looks nervous) I mean, your hair's a different color and you're a vampire, but uh, other than that... DAWN: (to Spike) Maybe we should just go. DOC: No. Now, just because the lights are dim doesn't mean the juice is all gone. What can I do for you? SPIKE: This one's mum kicked it a few days back. DOC: Ohh. I'm so sorry. (Dawn looks down) SPIKE: So we were wondering, what's to be done about it. Heard you were the one to ask. DOC: (concerned) Ohh ... no, no, that's, uh, you don't wanna mess with that. Uh, I know some tonics, uh, make the grieving fly by- DAWN: (shakes head) I don't want any tonics. DOC: Either one of you witches? Got any experience with, uh, spells of this magnitude? Dawn shakes her head. Spike just looks grim. DOC: Didn't think so. Suddenly he reaches out and pulls some hair from Dawn's head. She gasps. DAWN: Ow! Spike steps forward but doesn't do anything. Doc takes the hair over to a lamp and holds it up to the light. Dawn gives Spike an angry look, holding the side of her head. DOC: Well, your mother's a good candidate, at least. Strong DNA. DAWN: Right. Doc turns and begins examining the stuff on his shelves. He hums the theme from Prokofiev's "Peter and the Wolf." Dawn watches. Shot of Doc with his back turned. From underneath his bathrobe a greenish, scaly tail pokes out. Dawn sees it and her eyes widen. She turns to Spike, but he is lighting a cigarette and by the time Dawn catches his attention, Doc has turned again and the tail is hidden again. Doc continues humming, looks at a pile of books, picks up a large one and smiles triumphantly at Dawn, holding it up. He carries the book over to a table, still humming the same tune. Dawn and Spike follow. Doc puts the book on the table and flips the pages. DAWN: I've gathered some ingredients. But the spell I found ... there's things on it I don't understand. DOC: We've got the ghora demon standing between you and success, that's the translation you were missing. SPIKE: Ghora, I've heard of those. They local? DOC: Yeah, they like to stick close to the hellmouth. (Spike nods. Doc reads from the book) Egg of the ghora gives life. (looks up at Dawn) It's key to the spell. DAWN: Can you buy it, this ... egg, or- DOC: If it was as easy as making an omelet, everyone would try it. (Dawn looks chastised) No. You have to steal the egg from the nest of the demon. (looks at Spike) And the ghora won't be happy about it. SPIKE: Where do we find this demon? DOC: First things first. We'll need an image of your mother. A photo, a painting. DAWN: No problem. DOC: Once you get all the ingredients together, put them in the center (makes circular gestures) of a sacred circle. With the photo of your mother. (Dawn nods) Then... (reaches for a small notebook) say this incantation... (begins to write) three times. (Spike listens closely) She won't appear, you know, poof. (Dawn listens very carefully) It'll take ... a while, (smiling) but she will come to you. (tears off the page, hands it to Dawn) Got it? DAWN: Got it. DOC: Oh. Anything goes wrong, the only way to reverse the spell ... is to destroy the image of your mother, understand? DAWN: I'll do it right. DOC: It's a tricky spell, girl. I can't say for sure your mother will come back exactly like she was. (shots of Dawn and Spike listening) Sometimes these ... things ... get a little off. DAWN: But she'll still be my mother. (frowns) Won't she? DOC: More or less. He walks off. Dawn looks apprehensive. DAWN: (weakly) Good. (a little stronger) Good. Dawn and Spike go to the door. Doc follows. SPIKE: And the ghora? DOC: Oh, right, sorry. Um, go in the sewer entrance near Tracy Street. The opening's, um, on the left. Can't miss it. Just follow that down. Spike goes to open the door as Dawn takes out a wad of money and begins removing some bills. DOC: No, no. Keep your money. (smiles, removes his glasses) DAWN: Oh. Thank you. Still smiling, Doc holds out his hand and they shake. DOC: You just keep in touch now. Let me know how it goes. Dawn smiles slightly and nods. Closeup of Doc's face. Suddenly, his eyes go all black (the whites turn black too). Dawn jerks her hand out of his in startlement. Doc pulls his own hand back as Dawn takes a step backward, apprehensive. DAWN: I-I-I will. Spike opens the door. Dawn gives Doc one last nervous look and exits. Spike follows her out, closing the door. Shot of Doc still smiling. As soon as the door closes, his smile drops away. Cut to Spike and Dawn walking down a dark alley. Spike carries an axe. They come to a spot where the wall looks all slimy and rough. DAWN: It's here. Just like he said. SPIKE: (looking into the hole) Well, at least we know the old coot isn't completely daft. Look, you better let me snatch this egg thing on my own. DAWN: No way. I'm going. SPIKE: (firmly) No ... you are not. I've got no idea what's down there. DAWN: You need me, Spike. Somebody's gotta get the egg while you distract the ghora. Now come on. She turns and strides into the opening. Spike shakes his head, sighs and hefts his axe. SPIKE: Well, what do you know. Bitty Buffy. He follows Dawn into the hole. Cut to Dawn making her way down stairs. The walls are stone, covered with vines. Spike follows close behind. We can hear the demon growling. They reach the bottom and look up. Shot of the demon, which looks like a huge lizardy thing sleeping on a pile of rocks. The noises are actually snores. Spike and Dawn move over to the wall and hide behind some vines. DAWN: Doesn't look so bad. SPIKE: (scoffs) Wait till it wakes up. That's usually when the bad starts. Shot of the nest behind the demon's tail. There are several eggs in it, about the size and shape of footballs but pink with purple spots. DAWN: I can't get to the eggs unless it moves. No way. SPIKE: (grinning) I'll make it move. You just be ready. He moves past her and strides toward the demon, lifting the axe. SPIKE: Hey! Ghora! Heads up. The demon wakes and sits up. It has three heads. SPIKE: (staring) Right then. Heads it is. Dawn comes forward. Spike hits one of the heads with his axe. The heads rear back and then strike at him. SPIKE: ? (sorry, can't make out this line) Dawn hurries over to the nest and tries to grab an egg but the demon's tail lashes at her. She jumps back as the demon tries to twist around and look at her. SPIKE: Hey, get away from her! Spike hits the demon some more, regaining its attention. Dawn grabs an egg and runs back to the base of the stairs. DAWN: Spike, come on! SPIKE: That's it. Spike gives one last thrust and buries the axe in one of the demon's necks. He runs to rejoin Dawn. As they start up the stairs, Dawn trips and drops the egg. It bursts open, leaking bright blue stuff. SPIKE: Leave it, Dawn. DAWN: I can't. Mom. SPIKE: It's too dangerous and I haven't got- Dawn turns and runs back toward the nest. SPIKE: -a weapon! Dawn runs to the nest, screams as the demon turns to confront her. One of the heads is inches from her face. Spike throws stones at the demon's head. It turns to him and lashes at him with its tail, knocking him over. Dawn grabs another egg and gets up. One of the demon's heads bites Spike in the stomach and he screams with pain. He shoves it off and gets up as Dawn backs away quickly. SPIKE: No, that's it. Spike gets up, holding his side with one hand. With the other, he grabs the axe from the demon's neck and slams it into the demon's chest. The demon screams as blue blood seeps out. Spike pulls the axe out again. DAWN: Spike! Spike joins her at the stairs. The demon continues screaming. DAWN: Sorry! SPIKE: Did you get it? Dawn holds up the egg to show him. SPIKE: Don't be sorry then. He goes up the stairs, pulling her after him as the demon's noises fade away. Cut to: exterior Summers house, night. DAWN VOICEOVER: Osiris... giver of darkness... Cut to Dawn's bedroom. She has a sheet on the floor with a circle of candles on it, and she kneels by it, pouring something from a vial, onto her hands. She smears it on the sheet, drawing a circle around a cauldron in the middle. DAWN: Taker of life ... god of gods... accept my offering. Bone, flesh, breath ... She completes the circle. DAWN: Yours ... eternally. Closeup of a picture of Joyce, leaning against the cauldron. DAWN VOICEOVER: Bone... Shot of Joyce's grave, night. DAWN VOICEOVER: Flesh, breath... Closeup of the photo. DAWN VOICEOVER: I beg of you... Zoom in on Dawn's face, lit only by the candles. DAWN: ...return to me. She takes a shaky breath. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on Willow and Tara's dorm room. Tara sits on the bed studying. Willow lies on her stomach next to Tara, writing in her diary. WILLOW: What did I have for breakfast this morning? Do you remember? TARA: Hmm? WILLOW: I-I wanna say bagel, but I think that was yesterday. You had two eggs sunny-side-up. (grins) I remember 'cause they were wiggling at me like little boobs. TARA: (grins) Sassy eggs. (Willow continues writing) What are you writing this for? WILLOW: My journal. Tara puts her book aside and lies on her stomach next to Willow. She puts her hand on Willow's non-writing hand. TARA: That's new. WILLOW: Yeah. I-I figured, life goes by so fast, if you don't write stuff down it just gets ... lost. And I wanna remember. TARA: Down to every last bagel. WILLOW: (grins, looks Tara in the eye) Down to every last everything I do with you. Willow returns to writing, the fingers of her other hand still twined with Tara's. Tara looks past Willow toward the bookcase. TARA: Huh. WILLOW: (stops writing) What? TARA: What happened to History of Witchcraft? Tara gets up as Willow tries to hide her guilty look. WILLOW: I, uh, i-it isn't there? Willow sits up as Tara goes to the bookcase and checks out the empty space. TARA: Dawn must have taken it. WILLOW: (anxiously) No she didn't! Did she? (gets up and goes quickly toward Tara) TARA: This is bad, this is really bad. WILLOW: (anxiously) But, i-it's just a history book. I-it might answer some of her questions. I-I don't think she could do any ... harm with that stuff, could she? TARA: Well, it's not a how-to guide, but it refers to specific resurrection spells and potions. WILLOW: But I-I didn't ... I mean ... hey! How'd she know that? TARA: I-I don't know, but ... god, what else did she take? WILLOW: Nothing! I-I think. I think n... she took nothing else. But maybe she did, and we should probably look. Because who knows? I-I don't. TARA: No, no, we can't waste time on that now. We don't know what she's up to. WILLOW: (nodding) We have to call Buffy. Now. Cut to Buffy entering the Summers house. The phone is ringing. Buffy tosses down her keys, pulls off her jacket as she hurries over to the phone. BUFFY: Hello? Cut to the cauldron in Dawn's room. We see that it is filled with the blue goo from the ghora egg. Pan up across the broken eggshell and the piece of paper with the spell written on it. Dawn is still kneeling, with her hands on her knees. DAWN: Bone ... flesh ... breath ... yours eternally. Bone, flesh, breath, I beg of you, return to me. Buffy bursts in. BUFFY: Dawn. Dawn doesn't move. BUFFY: What have you done? (rushes over to Dawn) What have you done? DAWN: (standing) She's coming. She's coming home. Dawn turns and runs out of the room. Buffy reaches down and picks up the picture of Joyce, stares at it for a moment, turns and follows Dawn. Cut to Dawn rushing down the stairs with Buffy in close pursuit. The house is dark. BUFFY: Dawn! Dawn! Dawn reaches the bottom of the stairs and turns to face Buffy, who comes right up in her face. BUFFY: You have no idea what you're messing with. Who knows what you actually raised, what's gonna come through that door! DAWN: (tearful) No, I-I know. It'll be her. BUFFY: No. Now, Tara told me that these spells go bad all the time. People come back ... wrong. DAWN: Not Mom. He told me her DNA- BUFFY: (grabs Dawn by the upper arms) Who told you? Who helped you? DAWN: (angry) Nobody, let me go. BUFFY: You have to stop it. Reverse it. DAWN: No! Dawn wrenches free of Buffy's hold, grabs the picture of Joyce and goes into the living room. Buffy follows. BUFFY: Dawn, you know this is wrong. You know you can't let this happen. Not to Mom. DAWN: (quietly) But I need her. I don't care if she... Cut to: shot of a pair of feet walking on grass. The feet are wearing pale blue pumps, and we can see the hem of a pale blue skirt. DAWN VOICEOVER: I'm not like you, Buffy. Cut back to the living room. DAWN: I don't have anybody. BUFFY: What?! Of course you do. You have me! DAWN: No, I don't. You won't even look at me. It's so obvious you don't want me around. BUFFY: That's not true. DAWN: (harshly) Yes it is. Mom ... died, and it's like you don't even care. BUFFY: (shocked, with tears in her eyes) Of course I care. How can you even think that? DAWN: How can I not? You haven't even cried. You've just been running around like it's been some big chore or something. Cleaning up after Mom's mess. Buffy slaps Dawn across the face. Dawn yelps and puts her hand to her cheek. Buffy puts her hand over her mouth in horror. BUFFY: (tearful) Dawn ... I've been ... working. I've been busy, because I have to- DAWN: (tearful) No! You've been avoiding me. BUFFY: I'm not! ... I have to do these things, 'cause ... (crying) 'cause when I stop, then she's really gone. Dawn frowns in confusion. BUFFY: And I'm trying. Dawn, I am, I am really trying to take care of things, but I don't even know what I'm doing. Mom always knew. DAWN: Nobody's asking you to be Mom. BUFFY: Well, who's gonna be if I'm not? Huh, Dawn? Have you even thought about that? Who's gonna make things better? (crying harder) Who's gonna take care of us? DAWN: Buffy... BUFFY: I didn't mean to push you away, I didn't. I just, I couldn't let you see me. Dawn begins to cry too. BUFFY: Oh god, Dawnie... We see the two of them from the side, facing each other. In the background, the living-room curtains are drawn. A shadow moves past the window, silhouetted against the curtains. The girls don't notice. BUFFY: (still crying) I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm scared. DAWN: Buffy... Sound of someone knocking on the front door. Buffy whirls around, no longer crying. BUFFY: (small smile) Mommy? Zoom in on the inside of the door. DAWN: (alarmed) Buffy. BUFFY: Mom. Buffy runs toward the door. Dawn swiftly picks up the photo of Joyce. Shot of the door from Buffy's perspective as she runs toward it. Dawn stares at the photo for an instant, makes up her mind. She rips the photo in half. Buffy pulls the door open. Shot of the view out the front door. There's nothing there. Just darkened city street and the house across the street. Sound of crickets chirping. Shot of Dawn looking sad. Shot of Buffy looking sad. Dawn comes forward into the foyer. Buffy turns to look at her. BUFFY: (voice breaking) Dawn. She begins to sob. Dawn comes forward and hugs her. DAWN: It's okay. They sink to the floor, holding each other tightly and crying. DAWN: It's okay. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

Buffy is comforted by Angel following her mother's death, although he can't stay. Dawn attempts to resurrect Joyce with the help of Spike and Doc, but stops part way through the ceremony after Buffy convinces her.

fd_Frasier_01x02

fd_Frasier_01x02_0

Act One. Scene A: The Frasier Residence, early morning. Frasier enters wearing a dressing gown. He is obviously still half- asleep. Martin is in the kitchen and Daphne is busy cleaning the dining table. Frasier yawns. Daphne: Oh, good morning, Dr. Crane. Not a morning person, are we? Well, never you mind. I am. Can't very well be a good health care provider if you're not up with the cock. I've already taken your father for his morning constitutional. Such a remarkable man - thirty years on the police force. I can understand why you'd want him to live here, although not many sons would do that, not without getting paid for it. Anyway, coffee's made, and I took the liberty of doing a shop. They don't serve much tripe in Seattle, do they? Frasier: [still groggy] And you are...? Daphne: Daphne. Daphne Moon. I moved in yesterday. You hired me to take care of your father. Frasier: [realizing] Of course. Forgive me, I'm not quite myself until I've shaved and showered. Daphne: Oh, yes. I completely understand about one's morning ablutions. I, for instance, can't stand myself 'til I floss all that gunk out of my teeth... Frasier: [interrupting] Miss Moon! For future reference, if you could just keep your ablutions on a need-to-know basis? Thank you. [goes into kitchen] Now, my coffee. Martin: [doing a fry-up] The half 'n half's curdled, and the garbage disposal's jammed. Frasier: [pouring his coffee] Good morning to you too, dad. Martin: Morning was two hours ago. And close that barn door, we got a lady in the house now. Frasier adjusts his robe, then tastes his coffee. He is not amused. Frasier: Hey, this isn't my coffee. Where's my finely-ground Kenya blend from Starbucks? Martin: That's it. Daphne put an eggshell and some allspice in it. Frasier: [pouring it down the sink] Didn't that just dress it up? Martin: I like it. Gives it a zing. Now, come on, sit down. Your breakfast is ready. He leaves the kitchen with a plate full of fried food. Frasier: [following] Oh, no, dad, dad, look, all I ever have is a bran muffin, and a touch of yogurt. Martin: Ah, girlie food. Besides, I already fixed your breakfast. Now, I made you "Eggs in a Nest." Frasier: Ah yes, the Crane family specialty. Fried eggs swimming in fat, served in a delightfully hollowed-out piece of white bread. I can almost hear my left ventricle slamming shut as I speak. Martin: You want cheese on that? Frasier: No. I'd like to leave some blood flow for the clot to go swiftly to my brain. [to himself] Can't have my coffee, can't have my breakfast, [sees Martin's chair] Oh god, it wasn't a dream. I'll get him for this. [to Eddie] And his little dog, too. [opens front door] Where's my paper? Who's stolen my paper? Mrs. Everly, you old bat, I know it's you! Daphne: Yoo-hoo? It's right here, we brought it in for you. Frasier: [to outside world] Sorry, sorry. [closes door and examines paper] Oh, wait a minute, this... where's the rubber band? This paper has been read. Daphne: Well don't worry, we won't tell you what's in it. Frasier: That is not the point. Dad, dad? Come and sit down please, would you? Daphne: You're going to give a speech, aren't you? Frasier: Oh, that's right, I forgot, you're psychic. Daphne: Yes, but I think anyone could feel this one coming on. Frasier: Let us get something clear. I am not a morning person. I have to ease into my day slowly. First I have my coffee - sans eggshells or anything else one tends to pick out of the garbage. Then I have a low-fat, high-fiber breakfast. Finally I sit down and read a crisp, new newspaper. If I am robbed of the richness of my morning routine, I cannot function. My radio show suffers, and like ripples in a pond, so do the many listeners that rely on my advise, to help them through their troubled lives. I'm sorry if this may sound priggish, but I have grown comfortable with this part of myself. It is the magic that is me. Martin: [to Daphne, while exiting to the kitchen] Get used to it. Daphne: I know this is a stressful time, and this is new for all of us, but I'm sure that soon we'll all be getting along swimmingly. [looks down at Frasier's robe] Ooh, six more weeks of winter, I see. Frasier closes his robe. He sits at the table and starts reading the paper. Eddie comes over and jumps onto a chair to stare at him. Frasier: Down Eddie, down. [Eddie doesn't move] I said down. Good boy Eddie, just get down. Good good, Eddie get down. Eddie, GET DOWN! [Eddie still just sits there, staring at Frasier] Dad, dad, I can't read my paper, Eddie's staring at me. Martin: Why, you do make quite a picture in the morning. Just ignore him. Frasier: I'm trying to. Martin: I was talking to the dog. Frasier goes back to his paper, holding it up to block Eddie's view. He slowly lifts it far enough to see Eddie still staring at him. He gives up and walks towards his private bathroom. Eddie follows. Frasier: Don't even think about it! [he leaves, Eddie follows] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene B: KACL Frasier is doing his show. Frasier: You're listening to Dr. Frasier Crane. Our topic today is... intrusion. Those who encroach on our sense of personal space. The neighbor who plays his stereo too loud. The person who sits next to you in the movie theater when there are fifty other vacant seats. Now let's return to our calls, and let me remind you once more, that our topic today is intrusion, since so many of you seem to be forgetting that. Roz: Dr. Crane, we have Leonard from Everett, on line two. Frasier: Hello Leonard, I'm listening. Leonard: [v.o.] Oh, hi Dr. Crane. Ah, I'm a little nervous, but ah... well, here goes. Several years ago I became afraid of large, open spaces. Like, if I went to the mall, I'd break out in a cold sweat, I'd get so scared that I'd have to run home. Frasier: Yes Leonard, and your comments on intrusion? Leonard: Nothing. Just that, now I'm afraid to go outside at all. I haven't seen another person in eight months. Frasier: Well Leonard, it sounds like you may have a very serious condition known as agoraphobia. But you're not alone. Leonard: But I am alone, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Listen Leonard, I'm afraid your problem is too difficult to deal with in the time we have remaining, so if you stay on the line, someone will give you the name of a qualified therapist. Well, that's all the time we have for today. You've been listening to Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780. Stay tuned for the news. Then next up, Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe and the Gonzo Sports Show. I never miss it. [off air] Yeah, right. Roz: You want your messages? Frasier: Oh, listen Roz, just hang on to them. I think I'll stay in here for a while. Today more than most, I feel an overwhelming need for solitude. I've got a fascinating book here, a comfortable chair and a soundproof booth. Just as Frasier leans back and opens his book the door opens and Bulldog walks in pushing his props trolley. Bulldog: Hiya, doc. How're they hangin'? Frasier: Bulldog, what are you doing here? Bulldog: We lost transmitter link power in Studio C. I gotta do my show from here. He bangs the gong and blows his whistle, indicating Frasier should leave. Bulldog: Hey, where the hell's my Cosell tape? Somebody stole my Cosell tape! THIS STINKS! THIS IS TOTAL B.S.! THIS... oh, here it is. Frasier: [preparing to leave] Let me just get out of your way. Bulldog: Oh, by the way doc, doc, I heard what you said to that kid who fantasizes about killing his parents? You know what I would have told him? Sports. You go out there, break some heads- [hits himself on the head to illustrate] That'll turn him around. Frasier: Yes. If only Jeffrey Dahmer had picked up a squash racquet. [goes into Roz's booth] Bulldog: Hey, where the hell's my Lasorda tape? THIS IS TOT... ah, got it. We follow Frasier into Roz's Booth. Roz is on the telephone. Roz: [to Frasier, as he starts to exit into the corridor] Hold on a second, I have to ask you something. [into phone] Gary? I broke up with him three weeks ago. The s*x was okay, but he was kinda limited. [Frasier moves to leave, Roz stops him] No, no. [into phone] It wasn't that Gary was bad in bed. I mean, he knew where all the parts were. Unfortunately, most of them were his. Yes, totally passionless, it was like he was thinking of someone else. I know I was. Somebody's here, I gotta go. Alright? Talk to you later. Bye, mom. [hangs up] Frasier: That was your mother? Roz: Yeah, why? Frasier: You talk to your mother like that? Roz: Well, we're both adults. We talk about everything. Frasier: Well, isn't that healthy. Roz: What, you don't talk to your dad like that? Frasier: Oh, hardly. We hardly speak at all. Roz: Really? Frasier: Ah yes, well you know, we're just not really similar people. In fact, my brother and I are a lot more like my mother. You know, if it wasn't biologically impossible I'd swear that dad was dropped in a basket on our doorstep. Bulldog: [from other booth] Hey sweetcakes, you seen my engineer? Roz: I think someone's talking to you, Frasier. Bulldog: Come on, come on, come on! Roz: [into mike] Yes, he called, he'll be right here. [to Frasier] So do you want to go across the street and have one of those expensive coffee drinks? Frasier: Maybe some other time. Right now, I'd like to continue my quest for solitude. I'll go somewhere where my father, Mary Poppins and the hound from hell can't find me. I think maybe I'll just go sit under the shade of a tree and read in a quiet park. [exits] [SCENE_BREAK] THE BEST LAID PLANS... [Over the screen we hear the sounds of a thunderstorm.] Scene C: Frasier's Apartment. He enters. Frasier: Hello. [realises the room in empty] Hello? Dad? Daphne? Eddie? [takes off coat; to himself] Could it be? He arranges his book on the couch and pours himself a drink whilst humming the Toreador song from "Carmen." Frasier: Toreador, Don't spit on the floor, Use the cuspidor-a What do you think it's for-a? Drink in hand, he relaxes into the couch and starts reading. Within seconds, the door opens. Daphne: [to Martin]...so the elephant says, "He's with me." [they both laugh] Oh, Dr. Crane, you're home. We just got back from your father's physical therapy. Frasier: Oh, glory be. Oh, happy day. Not that I'm not delighted to see the two of you, it's just that I'm in the middle of a very exciting chapter. Daphne: Ooh, I understand. So why don't I pop into the kitchen and brew you up a nice pot of tea? Frasier: No, I just poured myself a glass of wine, thank you. Daphne: [pointedly looking at watch] I see. [leaves] Martin: [sitting in the Chair] Whatcha reading? Frasier: Oh dad, you wouldn't find it very interesting. Martin: I might. Any good? Frasier: Well, I haven't formed a opinion yet. Oddly enough, I'm having a little trouble getting into it. Martin: [after a moment's silence, indicates book] Thick. Frasier: Dad will you... Listen, I don't want to offend, but if you wouldn't mind, could you just leave me alone, let me read my book? Martin: No problem. Martin sits quietly, not looking as Frasier reads. This finally irks Frasier. Frasier: What are you doing? Martin: I'm leaving you alone. Frasier: Well, it's very annoying! Martin: Ah, what's your problem? You've been sucking a lemon all week. Frasier: All right, all right, I'll tell you what my problem is, I can't get a moment's peace alone in my own house. Martin: Well, forgive me. When you invited me to move in I didn't realise I had to stay chained to the radiator in my room [starts to leave] Frasier: [quietly] Perhaps only evenings. Martin: I heard that! Frasier: Well, of course you heard it, you're never out of earshot! Martin: Ah, you know, you've always been like this. You were always a fussy little kid, and it's gotten worse ever since. You and your precious morning routine. You gotta have your coffee, you gotta have your quiet, you gotta have this, you gotta have that. Well, aren't you the little hothouse orchid. Frasier: Hey, hey-hey-hey! I don't have to sit here and listen to that! Martin: Ah, if you want everything so perfect, why don't you go live in a bubble? Frasier: Oh right, oh well, right now it sounds very inviting! He storms out the front door and slams it behind him. Martin: [sitting down again] Finally, a little peace and quiet around here. End of Act One. Act Two. Scene A: Cafe Nervosa. Frasier is sitting, reading his book as Niles walks in. Niles: Hello there, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, what fresh hell is this? Niles: That's a nice way to greet your brother. [to waiter] Caf latte, per piachere. Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles, it's just I've been trying to read this book and it seems no matter where I alight I get interrupted. Niles: Oh, "The Holotropic Mind" by Stanislav Grolf. I love his conclusion that a change in breathing patterns can induce alternate states of consciousness. Frasier: Great. [slams book shut] Now you've ruined the ending! Niles: I'm sorry, that was inconsiderate. [the waiter brings his coffee] Mille Grazie. [to Frasier] So, how's father? Frasier: Father? You mean the man who's driving me crazy? The man who makes me dread the sight of my very doorstep? The man who just drove me out of my own home? Niles: And how's work? Frasier: Niles, I don't know what I'm going to do. Dad and I had another fight. I'm afraid if we stay under the same roof together we'll do irreparable harm to the relationship we have as it is. Niles: Well, what are the alternatives? Frasier: Well, if I didn't feel so guilty I'd, I'd do what I should have done in the first place: just move dad and Daphne into their own apartment. Niles: Oh, for goodness sake, Frasier. It hasn't been that long, you have to give it a chance. And you might remember why you moved him in in the first place. Frasier: Refresh me. Niles: You wanted to get closer to dad. Frasier: I still do. There isn't anything I'd like more, but he makes it impossible. I can't read my book, I can't have my coffee, I can't have any peace in my own home. Niles: So what you're saying is, you want to be closer to dad, but you don't actually want him around. Ask yourself Frasier, have you tried to sit down and talk to him - I mean, really talk to him? Frasier: Well, I... [he thinks about it] Maybe I haven't done my best. I guess I owe that to the old man, don't I? Well ah, thanks for the chat, Niles. You're a good brother, and a credit to the psychiatric profession. Niles: You're a good brother too. Frasier gets up and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] A COUPLE OF WHITE GUYS SITTIN' 'ROUND TALKIN' Scene B: Frasier's Apartment. He arrives to find some of his furniture piled up beside the door. Frasier: Daphne? What are my things doing here? My leather wing chair? My Kusami lamp? Daphne: [entering from back, carrying a box] We're putting them in the storage room, in the basement. There was no room for them in the study once we got my furniture in. We discussed it last night, remember? Frasier: Of course, of course. Daphne: I was just on my way to ask that peculiar little man from building services to give me a hand moving them. Frasier: Oh yes, Kyle. Well, give him my regards. Daphne: Remind me again - which one of Kyle's eyes is really looking at me? Frasier: The brown one. Daphne exits via the front door. Martin enters from the bedroom. Martin: Daphne left your dinner in the fridge, if you're hungry. Frasier: Well thanks, but I'm not. Ah... Dad, I'm sorry about the blow-up earlier. Martin: Ah, forget about it. I already have. Frasier: You know, I guess there's no secret that there's been a lot of tension between us, and I think maybe one of the reasons is that we never have a chance to sit down and talk. And I... I thought we might have a conversation. Martin: Right now? Frasier: Yes, I think now would be a good time. Martin: Later would be better. Frasier: It doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out conversation, I'm talking about three minutes of your life. Martin: Well, I hope it is only three minutes, 'cause my program's coming on. Frasier: Well, alright. If it'll make you any happier I will get the egg-timer and I will set it for three minutes. He does so, and they sit at the table. Martin: So what do you want to talk about? Frasier: Well, the idea is for us to have a normal, honest conversation like two normal people without getting on each other's nerves. Ready? [sets timer] Go. Martin: This is stupid. Frasier: [stops timer] One second? That's our personal best? Let us see if we can beat it. [sets timer] Ready? Go. Martin: So how about those Seahawks? Frasier: [stops timer] No sports. Martin: All right. But no opera. Frasier: Agreed. [sets timer] Ready? Go. Martin: [pause] This is your idea, you say something first. Frasier: Alright, alright. I'll, I'll tell you something about myself that ah, that you don't know. Ah, six months ago, when Lilith and I were really on the rocks, ah, there was a time of depression I went through that was so terrible I actually climbed out on a ledge and wondered if life was worth living. I... And then I thought of Frederick. Martin: And you didn't jump, huh? Frasier: Good, dad. Martin: Wow. I never knew that. Frasier: Well, that's the point of this whole experiment. To tell one another something that we don't know about each other. Something vulnerable. Now it's your turn. Martin: Okay. [thinks] Well, about two months ago, I was in the basement, going through some old pictures of your mother and me... and all of a sudden something flew up in my eye. And, when I was trying to get it out, I realised I could turn my eyelid inside out, the way kids do at camp. Frasier: That's it? You call that vulnerable? Martin: It hurt. Frasier: Oh well... I'm not talking about that kind of pain, I'm talking about your emotions, your soul. Some sort of painful, gut- wrenching experience. Martin: Other than this one? Frasier: Oh, God! Always the flip answer. Martin: Well, this whole thing's stupid. Frasier: Well, not to me. Oh, how should I expect anything out of you? You are the most cold, intractable, unapproachable, distant, stubborn, cold man I've ever known! Martin: You said "cold" twice, Mr. Egghead. Frasier: Egghead? Egghead? Martin: You said "egghead" twice, too. Frasier: Oh, you are so infuriating! Martin: Well, you're no day at the beach either. You know what you are? [the timer bings] I'll tell you later, it's time for my program. [moves towards Chair] Frasier: Dad, I don't think you see how serious this is. Martin: Oh, will you give it a rest? Frasier: We're not getting along, and it's not getting any better. I'm not sure how to say this, but ah... I ah, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to... Martin: I know what you're trying to say. "You want what's best for both of us." You want to get me out of here, then you can have your own space, and I'll have my own space, and we can put an end to all this bickering. Frasier: Well, yes. I guess it wasn't so hard to say after all. Martin: Except for one thing. I'm not going. Frasier: What? Martin: Look, you want us to forge some great father-son relationship, to make some connection. Well, that kind of thing takes a couple of years, not a couple of days, doesn't it? You're the shrink. Frasier: Couple of years, huh? Martin: Ah, it'll go by before you know it. Frasier: Either that, or it'll seem like eternity. Martin: I'm willing to give it a shot if you are. Frasier: Okay. Martin: Great. How about you and me having a beer together? Frasier: Wow. You know, in all these years you've never asked me that. I'd love to have a beer with you, dad. Martin: Well then, you better haul ass, 'cause the store closes in ten minutes. Frasier: Right. [exits] End of Act Two. ONE MAN'S STORAGE ROOM IS ANOTHER MAN'S SANCTUARY [SCENE_BREAK] Close up of Frasier, reading his book. The camera pulls back to reveal he's in the storage area, sitting on his leather recliner.

After Martin moves into his apartment with his physical therapist, Daphne, and his dog, Eddie, Frasier struggles with the loss of his personal space and ensuing tensions with Martin. After repeatedly failing to get any kind of solitary time at home or work, he decides to try forging a bond with his gruff father.

fd_Alias_05x10

fd_Alias_05x10_0

The episode starts where we left off last episode. Sydney steps onto the upper deck just as a helicopter is taking off. Peyton and her goons are not too far behind. PEYTON: (spotting Syd) There! Sydney ducks back inside, trying each of the doors but most of them are locked. She finds an unlocked room and goes inside, knocking unconscious a man who is working on a laptop. Seeing that the room has computer and radio equipment, she locks the door behind her. She tunes one of the radios and speaks into its mic: SYDNEY: This is field agent ID Black-seven-niner-three-c-r (?) confirmation foxtrot... Sydney pauses to wince at a pain in her stomach. She gathers herself with determination: SYDNEY: Repeat. Confirmation foxtrot-one. Status: MIA. I'm being held upon a cargo freighter. Registry: unknown. The door rattles as Peyton tries to open the door. Sydney looks up, alarmed. Cut to outside the room where Peyton is rattling the locked door. She turns to her lackey: PEYTON: Do it. Lackey steps up and shoots at the lock. They enter the room to find it empty - Sydney has escaped using the other door. PEYTON: Organize a deck-by-deck search and find her. Lackey runs off to search for Sydney. Peyton looks around for clues - she finds the radio's mic hanging down and the radio tuned to '447550.000' PEYTON: Damn it. Cut to LA. Sloane walks up to Jack entering APO. They both look troubled. SLOANE: What did you find out? JACK: I've confirmation Prophet-5 is holding Sydney. I believe they've had designs on her from the beginning. They knew precisely when and where she'd be most vulnerable. They must've been tracking her movements. SLOANE: Have they made any demands? JACK: None. [inaudible]...their intentions. Right now, I have reason to believe they need her alive. SLOANE: Listen, Jack, we've seen Sydney come through some bad situations. Whatever you need, I'm here. JACK: For now, contact everyone you know. Official, or otherwise. I'll do the same SLOANE: Okay. I'll let you know if anything comes up. Cut to Marshall's office. His computer beeps and one line of the spreadsheet he's looking at is highlighted red and blinking. MARSHALL: Um. [loudly[ Mr Bristow! Jack enters Marshall's office looking concerned. MARSHALL: I just recovered a field transmission from Sydney. JACK: Where is she? Marshall brings up the transmission to play it. SYDNEY: [on the transmission] This is field agent ID black-seven-niner-three-c-r confirmation foxtrot... [Sydney gasps in pain] Repeat: Confirmation foxtrot-one. Status: MIA I'm being held [message begins to become garbled. Cut to Marshall's monitor: "TRANSMISSION FILE //0121545 CORRUPT" (Marshall also has a photo of him holding Mitchell taped to the side of his screen - cute.) JACK: [visibly upset] Wh-wh-what happened? MARSHALL: [frowns as he types at the keyboard trying to answer Jack] Don't know. It's like the file's just corrupted. I can't seem to pull them up. You know what? Okay, I just need a second to triangulate the signal origin. Then I'll have the exact location Sydney sending from. I just... Cut to Marshall's screen again. Marshall pulls up some transmission archive folders. The files start disappearing MARSHALL [confused]: Woah. Wait a minute. You know what? They're being deleted. This doesn't make any sense! It's like someone just wiped out the archive I--- JACK: [a little panicked] Marshall, what archive? Who's system are you logged into? Marshall: [shaking his head] This must be wrong. His computer continues to beep. JACK: [in realisation] It's our own. Gather everyone in the briefing room. Cut to the freighter PEYTON: [speaking into a phone] No, we haven't located her yet. No, that won't be necessary. [hangs up.] LACKEY: Shall we prepare to welcome company? PEYTON: Transmission's been taken care of. LACKEY: We've cleared the lower deck, still nothing. PEYTON: [annoyed] Then why are you still standing here? Cut to the lackey searching the ship, giving instructions to his underlings. He enters a room. Pan across to a vent he just passed by. Sydney's eyes are visible. She looks out at the goons nerviously. Cut to APO briefing room. JACK: Moments ago, we received a field communication from Sydney. From the little we were able to decipher, it appears she's still being held in the custody of Prophet-5. However, before we were able to resolve the entire transmission, someone deleted it. Someone at Langley. Based on our current intelligence, we already have reason to believe that Prophet-5's network has infiltrated the intelligence agencies of several foreign governments. It now appears they may have infiltrated our own. Someone within the CIA did not want us to receive that message. Standard protocol for all incoming signals priority-33 and above are to be backed up on Echelon's com archive. Unfortunately, the only way to gain access to this archive is on the premises itself. Not an easy task given the security measures. TOM: Wait, are you suggesting we break into CIA headquarters? JACK: Yes. DIXON: Wouldn't it be prudent to consider other possibilities? Maybe the message was purged accidentally. SLOANE: We could ask Langley for a copy of the archives. Might-- JACK: [cutting in] I appreciate your concerns, but at this point we have no way of knowing how deep this conspiracy reaches. We can't risk tipping them off to our agenda. Effective, as of this moment, all information relating to this taskforce and its activities is to be strictly compartmentalized even from the CIA itself. Understand what I'm asking of all of you. An action of this kind could be considered treason. Given that if anyone feels the need to take a leave of absence you may feel free to do so. No questions asked. But now is the time to speak up.. Camera pans around the room. No one speaks up. JACK: All right then. We're wheels-up in an hour. OPENING SEQUENCE. Open on the freighter. PEYTON: I want a visual inspection of every container on that deck. Post four, do you copy? Gun cocks behind Peyton. SYDNEY: Post four, reporting in. PEYTON: You tracked me with the radio. SYDNEY: [smirks] Not really. You're just predictable. PEYTON: A woman in your condition [looks at Sydney's bump] - shouldn't you be resting? SYDNEY: Thanks. I don't plan on staying long. Turn around. Give me your radio. PEYTON: Whatever. [does what Sydney instructed. Sydney begins to pat Peyton down for weapons]. But you should know, no one's coming for you. We intercepted your message. SYDNEY: Nice try. My message didn't go through a relay. It went directly to my people. PEYTON: [turning around to face Sydney again] That's not true exactly. Technically, it went to Langley. That's where it was intercepted. SYDNEY: Your bluffing. If you really had an undercover asset within the CIA, why would you risk admitting it to me? PEYTON: Because you're not getting off this ship. Cut to APO Sloane: Jack, Dixon just called. They're in position. We're ready out here. Cut to Langley. TOUR GUIDE: I'd like to welcome everyone to the CIA's new headquarters building here in Langley, Virginia. Comprising 1.1 million square feet of space, and resting on 258 acres, this building was an expansion of the original structure, completed in 1991. Aside from the obvious human presence, there are over 5000 surveillance cameras that watch over every inch of the complex... As the group moves through the space, camera moves over the group to reveal that Marshall and Dixon have joined the tour. TOUR GUIDE: And chemical and biological weapons detection sensors that monitor the air quality as well as various other state-of-the-art technologies, that, well, if I told you I'd have to kill you. Tour group laughs politely and quietly. Marshall fake-laughs very loudly, stops abruptly when he catches Dixon's pointed look. TOUR GUIDE: If you'll notice the commemorative plaque to your right, it honors the unsung heros, of World War 2, the intelligence gathers of the CIA... The group walks off-screen as Tom walks on-screen. Cut to APO JACK: Sidewinder, we're almost ready here. TOM: [through com] Roger that. Through security. On my way to payroll. Cut to Rachel going through a security checkpoint. A metal detector beeps. RACHEL: Hi, I have an appointment with human resources. Emily Higgins. SECURITY GUY: Right. Just need an ID. RACHEL: Oh. Yeah. Sure. Sorry, job interview. I'm a little nervous. SECURITY GUY: I'm sure you'll do just fine. Please place your purse on the table. Cut to Tom TOM: 'Scuse me, do you know where payroll is? Cut to security checkpoint, where contents of Rachel's purse are being dumped onto the table. SECURITY GUY: I'm sorry, ma'am. We don't allow camera phones on the premises. Just pick it up from the security office on your way out. [hands Rachel a receipt] RACHEL: Okay, thanks. SECURITY GUY: Third floor. Elevator's to your right. Security guy nods at a colleague, who takes Rachel's phone into the security office. Cut to Tom. TOM: Hey, I'm sorry. I think there's a problem with my cheques. WOMAN: Yeah, just a sec. TOM: Ma'am, I'm, you see, in kind of...in a.. WOMAN: Name? TOM: Thomas Grace. WOMAN: It says here you're no longer an employee of this agency. TOM: Yeah, that's actually why I'm here. I've had several back cheques owed to me. I never received them. WOMAN: Well, our records show that all your cheques went out and they were cashed. TOM: That's impossible. WOMAN: It's usually the spouse that cashes them. I suggest you check with your wife. TOM: Look, I'm sure if you check your file again, you'll see that you're mistaken. WOMAN: [checks and her looks turns sombre] Oh. Mr. Grace, I'm sorry, I didn't realise. Maybe there's something I can do here. Tom sits down. Cut to security office. A device pops out of Rachel's phone. It scans the servers around the room. Cut to APO. JACK: Sidewinder, we're logging into the server now. Cut to Tom. TOM: Look, I don't have six months to wait for the claim to be processed. WOMAN: [sympathetic] I understand, but... TOM: I've got a mortgage to pay, so could you please just... Please help me out.. Cut to security office. Rachel's phone finds a server it can log onto. Cut to APO. JACK: Connection's been established. Sidewinder, stand by for the access code. Cut to Tom. WOMAN: All right, I'll check with my supervisor. Maybe we can help clear this up? TOM: Thanks. When she's gone, Tom goes to her workstation and starts working. JACK: Access code is: Alpha-7-Delta-Lima-22. TOM: Copy that. I've got access. Cut to Rachel. RACHEL: Outrigger, I'm approaching your twenty. DIXON: Copy. I'm gonna need item...[eyes a sensor] number 2. TOUR GUDE: And here's another one of our display items. Looks like ordinary pocket change, [holds up a coin that has a secret compartment inside] but spies use devices like these during the Cold War to smuggle tiny microphone messages. You can only imagine what's in use today. Rachel palms something off to Dixon as she walks by the group. Cut to Tom. He's unlocked four doors to the server room. TOM: Oracle, you're clear to the server room. Call us when you get there. Cut to Rachel entering the server room. Cut back to tom. TOM: She's in. I'm done here. JACK: Copy that. Log out and move to the rendezvous point. TOM: Affirmative. On my way. Cut to monitor of Tom's computer. He pulls up a window which says: "BUILDING ACCESS CONTROL SYSTEM. ACCESS SYSTEM: [blank]" Tom enters "WITSEC_21-29-UNLOCK", opening the WITSEC record room doors. Tom leaves the cubicle and into the restricted access corridors. He ducks behind a wall as he spots Rachel entering the server room. When Rachel is gone, Tom enters the Witsec Records room. Cut to Rachel. (This scene cuts back and forth between Rachel, APO and the tour group as the gang exchanges dialogue) RACHEL: I'm in the server room. Guards are in position. JACK: Copy that. Stand by for the signal. Merlin, you're up. TOUR GUIDE: This sculpture was designed in part as a monument to the code breakers who helped crack the German enigma cipher. In fact, as you can see, the sculpture itself a code. Apparently, a very good one. To this day, no one has been able to decipher the message. Now, if we move on... MARSHALL: I got it! Sorry, it just came to me. The group and the tour guide look at Marshall, perplexed. MARSHALL: I play a lot of sudoku. Um.. [clears his throat] 'scuse me... I'll just... ca.. tell you more.. [Gestures towards the sculpture]The letters overlaid under the coding sections, they act as a key to the cipher. Based off that... As the group is distracted with Marshall, Dixon gets out the item he got from Rachel earlier. He uses it to spray a substance at the nearby sensor. MARSHALL: ...right? It's all you need to do. See? Cut to security office. A monitor blinks with the following message: "BIOHAZARD ALERT: PARTICULATE MATTER DETECTED. ANTHRAX." The guards activate an alarm. MARSHALL: Oh god. Maybe they found out I decoded the message! WE SHOULD RUN! DIXON: [under his breath to Marshal] Take it down a notch, Hamlet. TOUR GUIDE: Please everyone, we need to move quickly to the exits. Cut to Rachel. As the guards run off to respond to the anthrax alert, Rachel takes this opportunity to sneak into the server room. RACHEL: I'm in. I need the server number for Sydney's transmission. JACK: You're looking for 8-5-7-7. RACHEL: 8-5-7-7. Got it. Cut to Tom pulling up a criminal investigation file. It shows photos of a woman lying dead on the concrete ground. Tom opens another window that reads: WITNESS PROTECTION FILES SUSPECT: ALLEN KORMAN STATUS: WITNESS PROTECTION SERVICES REFERENCE NUMBER: //012155SFF22 CURRENT LOCATION: //SECURED INFORMATION// Tom looks pensive and clicks on 'CURRENT LOCATION'. The computer then asks for an encryption key. Tom unscrews a USB flash disk from his pen and inserts it into the keyboard. Cut to Rachel in the server room. RACHEL: I found it. Pulling the archive now. JACK: Sydney's transmission is time-stamped. 9:55am Cut to Rachel's computer screen. There's no transmission that was received at that time - the records jump from 9:52 to 9:57. RACHEL: The archives have been purged The message isn't here. JACK: Can you pull the hard drive? We may still be able to recover the data. RACHEL: Okay. Hold on a sec. [pulls out the hard drive] It's no good, the hard drive is patched into the security grid. If I remove the drive, it will trigger the alarm. JACK: Oracle, pull the hard drive. SLOANE: Langley will initiate a lockdown, Jack. We'll never get them out. JACK: PULL THE HARD DRIVE NOW. I'll get you out. An alarm sounds as Rachel pulls out the hard drive. Both Tom and Rachel find that they're locked in. SLOANE: Make the call, Jack. Cut to Marshall and Dixon's tour group. They're in the foyer of the building. GUARD: Excuse me, you'll have to hold it right here. We're locking down the facility. Marshal and Dixon exchange concerned looks. TOUR GUIDE: Sorry everyone. It looks like we're having a minor security incident. No one will be able to leave the building just yet. Cut to... Weiss! Talking on his cell phone and exiting a building. WEISS: A lockdown? Thirty seconds ago, I got a call about an evacuation due to an anthrax attack. Well there's a big difference. An evacuation means everyone has to leave. A lockdown means everyone has to-- No, he's in with the delegation. I'm not gonna disturb him. Besides, what the hell am I gonna tell him? I got a great idea. Why don't you get your facts straight and then call me back. Great Weiss turns to his assistant (?). WEISS: [sighs] Put in a call to the State, cancel my 4 o'clock. I'm not gonna believe this but I have to cancel my pilates again. [his phone rings] Yeah. JACK: Eric, it's Jack Bristow. WEISS: Jack. JACK: Sydney's in trouble. I need your help. WEISS: What? Yeah. Uhh.. yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever you need. CUT TO BLACK Cut to Weiss' car arriving at Langley. Cut to Dixon and Marshall, then Tom. TOM: Outrigger? Do you copy? What's going on out there? DIXON: Building's locked down. Are you at the rendezvous point? TOM: I'm stuck in the witness protection archives. The door must be sealed because of the lockdown. DIXON: Hold your position. I'll see what I can do. TOM: Okay. DIXON: [off Marshall's concerned look] What is it? Cut to Weiss entering the building, flashing his credentials at the guards. MARSHALL: Think he's here to arrest us? He... looks like he's coming here to arrest us. [weakly smiles at Weiss] Hey. Weiss runs up to the duo, all smiles. WEISS: Ambassador Rudland. Weiss and Dixon shake hands. Dixon laughs. DIXON: Yes. WEISS: How are you sir? [turns to Marshall] And you must be Mr. Gornish. MARSHALL: [laughs and shakes Weiss' hand] Yes. WEISS: It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. I'm - uh - Eric Weiss. I'll be your liaison. I apologize, for the security problems we're having today. DIXON: Please. It's not a problem. I understand - these things happen. WEISS: And I understand you have a meeting on the Hill in thirty minutes. I'm personally here to make sure you make that meeting. [To the guard on his left:] Thank you. I'll escort our visitors from here. The guard leaves and the three move in the opposite direction. WEISS: Jack filled me in. What's going on? DIXON: Tom's trapped in Witsec Records. Rachel is still in the Echelon server facility. WEISS: Okay, you know what? Witsec Records is in the north-east corridor. This should get you in... [gives Dixon an access card as feigns shaking his hand in goodbye] the door. Marshall and I will handle Rachel. Marshall: Thanks. Good to see ya. WEISS: Yeah? You too. Cut to two security guards entering the Echelon server room. Rachel looks nervous, standing beside some servers, ducks around the corner just as one of the guards come into view. Cut to Dixon finding Tom. DIXON: Tom! TOM: Oh, thanks. DIXON: What were you doing here? TOM: I got detoured. I needed some place to hide. DIXON: Come on! We need to move. Tom grabs his usb key and follows Dixon. Cut to Marshall and Weiss in an office. Weiss is putting on an earpiece. Marshall is going through the surveillance feeds. MARSHALL: Okay. Got it. Uhh...that's not good WEISS: Where is she? MARSHALL: There she is. WEISS: What's her callsign? MARSHALL: Oracle. WEISS: Oracle, listen to me very carefully. RACHEL: Who is this? WEISS: Right now, I'm your superior officer. I need you to do exactly as I tell you. There's a guard that's about to go right down the row that you're in I need you to turn left right now. Make a left! Good good good. Go straight. Keep going straight. MARSHALL: Weiss, look. [points to the screen where Rachel is about to come into the view of a guard who is in the next aisle] WEISS: Okay, STOP right there, stop. Marshall, how much longer for that door? MARSHALL: Just give me ten seconds. WEISS: All right. When I say 'go', I need you to go as fast as you can to those doors in the far end. Don't stop. We'll have those doors open by the time you get there. MARSHALL: Okay. Got it! WEISS: GO! Rachel runs, and the guards give chase as they hear her running. Rachel runs into the door and grunts when she falls down. MARSHALL: [flinches sympathetically] Ooh. Uh... sorry. Forgot to hit 'enter'. Okay, now go. GUARD: STOP! The door finally opens and Rachel slips through, closing it behind her and locking the guards in. WEISS: Wow. [exhales in relief] [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to the building's underground level. Weiss, Dixon, Marshall and Tom are running down some stairs to meet Rachel. DIXON: How did it go? RACHEL: Not well. WEISS: [nods to Rachel] Hey. MARSHALL: Don't worry. He's with us. WEISS: Yeah. Eric Weiss. [shakes hands with Rachel] RACHEL: Rachel Gibson. Thank you for the help back there. WEISS: My pleasure. TOM: Any luck with Sydney's message? RACHEL: They wiped the back-ups. [holds up hard disk] We may be able to run data recovery from this, but if they went to all the trouble of deleting the message, I don't think they'd be careless enough to leave any traces behind. Marshall and Dixon nod solemnly. WEISS: Better get a move on. If you take this tunnel to the end, it'll drop you to the south-east edge of the complex. I better get back inside and wipe out the surveillance footage. Oh, and if you hear anything about Sydney... DIXON: We will. WEISS: Okay. And one more thing. Next time? Just call. Dixon and Weiss nod, smiling. Marshall waves goodbye. The four APO agents head down the tunnel Weiss spoke of. Weiss leaves in the opposite direction. CUT TO FREIGHTER. Sydney is holding Peyton's hands behind her back with one hand and pointing a gun at Peyton's back with the other. PEYTON: Care to tell me exactly where we're going? SYDNEY: Your ship has lifeboats. We're taking one. PEYTON: [scoffs] Good idea. We'll be spotted the second we step on the deck. SYDNEY: Not if you order your men to search the lower decks. Do it. Men's voices are audible as they approach. SYDNEY: Get in there. Go! They head into a nearby room. Sydney closes the door behind them. SYDNEY: Make a sound and you're dead. It sounds like the men are now right outside their room. Sydney gasps at her abdominal pain and holds onto a table for support, struggling to keep her gun pointed at Peyton. PEYTON: Something's wrong, isn't it? SYDNEY: Move. PEYTON: Whatever you say, but you don't look so good. They move towards and adjacent door. Another wave of pain hits Sydney SYDNEY: Stop. Stop. Sydney breathes heavily. Again, she leans onto a table for support. She looks down at her hand and sees a folder marked "BRISTOW, S. DOB: 4/17/74". Sydney flicks on the lightswitch and looks around the room - it looks like an infirmary. There are sonograms on the light boxes. SYDNEY: C'mon. Sydney pulls Peyton in front of her with gun still pointed and walks back into the room to examine the sonograms. SYDNEY: What is this? Why is this here? You have until three to start giving me some answers. One... [she closes her eyes painfully. Breathes heavily] Two... Peyton seizes this opportunity of weakness to take the gun from Sydney and points it at her. Sydney tries to stand up straight, but passes out instead. CUT TO BLACK. Fade in on Sydney's point of view, she is coming to. A faucet Is dripping water, she looks up and see a monitor showing her ultrasound. Colourful flecks flicker in the picture. Sydney tries to get up to find that she's restrained to the bed. She tries to break free. ORDERLY: No, no, no. You must not move. SYDNEY: What are you doing to me? ORDERLY: Just be still. A doctor is on the way. SYDNEY: Doctor? What doctor? Just tell me what's wrong. Fade in on the ultrasound monitor ORDERLY: I need to tell them you're awake. You should be still. SYDNEY: [vulnerably] Wait. Please don't go. ORDERLY: I'll come back soon. SYDNEY: Wait! Sydney stares at the monitor, looking as if she's about to cry . Cut to LA. We're in Marshall's office. TOM: You can crack into this hard drive and find Sydney's transmission? MARSHALL: Cracking Langley's encryption won't be a problem. I wrote a program that can handle anything under 512-bit encoding. Marshall's computer decrypts the files. Tom looks impressed as he gets an idea. Marshall finds Sydney's transmission file, but it's still coming out garbled. MARSHALL: Huh. Can't seem to recover Sydney's transmission. Whoever wiped it used a secure deletion program. Basically rewrites random junk over it hundreds of times, so... TOM: The original data's still here. So it should be retrievable, right? MARSHALL: Well, yeah, if I had an electron microscope and two weeks, maybe. Dixon and Rachel enter. Dixon hands Marshall some papers. DIXON: I think I found something. Hard copies of the server logs. Check [inaudible] twenty-two MARSHALL: Looks like an authorization tag. DIXON: That's what I thought. MARSHALL: This tag has an AB-prefix. That means whoever authorized Sydney's transmission had Alpha-Black clearance. RACHEL: What's Alpha-black clearance? Cut to... JACK: Alpha-black is the highest clearance level within CIA. If Prophet-5 has ties to the CIA's operation that would give them all access to classified operations, undercover agent rosters, our entire infrastructure. MARSHALL: The good news to whoever deleted Sydney's message had Alpha-black clearance? That narrows down our list of suspects to just a handful of guys. Only seven people in the entire agency have it. All of them division directors. Aside from that, the only other thing these guys have in common? They were all assigned a modified version of the standard STU -- a secure cell phone. JACK: What are you thinking? MARSHALL: Well, each cell phone broadcasts a unique device ID. Now, it took some digging, but I was able to match the alpha-black authorization code from the server logs to the cell phone ID of the person in question. SLOANE: So does that mean we know who it belongs to? MARSHALL: Not exactly. For security purposes, Langley doesn't put names to numbers. But if you can get within just 50-feet of that person's cell phone? I might be able to scan it. See if it matches. We'd have our guy. DIXON: We could divide into teams. Put all seven of them under surveillance. JACK: That could take days. Whatever Prophet-5 is planning for Sydney, we can assume we don't have much time. I have an Idea. Cut to: WASHIN[G]TON D.C. Jack walks down a hallway. As he approaches a door, he shows his ID to some men. They nod and let him into a room. It's a meeting room and six other men have already arrived. DEVLIN: Jack! It's been a long time. How's life underground treating you? JACK: Good. Always...full of surprises [smirks] DEVLIN: [laughs] I can imagine. Can't say I miss it. Jack sets his suitcase down and presses a button. Cut to APO. MARSHALL: Scanner's hot. [nods at Dixon] DIXON: [into his com] Jack, we got connection here. Cut to Jack. DAVENPORT: So, Jack. Care to enlighten us as to why you've called an operations meeting at 8 o'clock on a Friday? JACK: I didn't call you all here for an operations meeting. Given that all of you have Alpha-black clearance, most of you may already be aware that APO has been investigating an operation known as Prophet-5. What may, however, come as news to you, is that we have reason to believe that someone within our own agency is in collusion with this organization. Someone with Alpha-black clearance. Cut to APO. SLOANE: What have we got so far? MARSHALL: Four down, three to go. Still nothing. Cut to Jack. JACK: The reason I've gathered you all here, if it isn't obvious by now... Only 7 people in the entire agency have this level of clearance. And all of them are sitting in this room. DAVENPORT: Oh, come on! DEVLIN: Jack, this is absurd! Are you suggesting that one of us is working for a terrorist organization?! JACK: That's exactly what I'm suggesting. Cut to APO. Marshall's computer beeps MARSHAL: I got a match. DIXON: Jack, we got a signal match. [SCENE_BREAK] JACK: One of you is working for Prophet-5. And we have your number. DEVLIN: That's enough. This meeting is over. Cut to APO. SLOANE: Go. Marshall dials a number. And we cut back to the meeting. A phone rings. Davenport looks up, alarmed. Jack shoots him and Davenport falls back down into his chair. DEVLIN: Jack! What the hell are you doing? JACK: [choke-holds Davenport and point a gun to his face] Tell me where Sydney is. Devlin approaches Jack. Jack looks up with his gun at Devlin. JACK: Do yourself a favour. Stand back. Davenport gasps for air. Jack turns back to him. JACK: I'm gonna give you one chance. Where are they holding my daughter? DAVENPORT: Go to hell. I don't know what you're talking about. JACK: Wrong answer. Jack shoots him in the shoulder. DEVLIN: Stop! For god's sakes Jack! One of the directors activate an alarm that's hidden under the table. Agents outside the room rush to the door with their guns drawn. JACK: I've sealed the doors! The agents shoot at the glass door, trying to get it open. DAVENPORT: [croaks] You're crazy. JACK: [hits him in the nose[ Answer me! DAVENPORT: [coughs] The... [uncomprehensible[... cargo ship. JACK: Where is the ship? DAVENPORT: Atlantic. Armed agents throw a table through the glass door and rush in to arrest Jack , taking the gun off him. JACK: [into com] Did you get that? DIXON: We got it, Jack, we're on it. Jack and Devlin exchange looks. Devlin is shocked by this revelation. CUT TO BLACK. Cut to APO. Tom sits quietly at his desk, waiting. Pan across to Dixon and Marshall exiting Marshall's office. Tom enters Marshall's office and plugs is USB key into a slot in the computer's keyboard. Opening up the Allen Korman file, he uses Marshall's decryption program to crack the file's encryption key. Tom finds out Korman's current address: 1313 Racine. Cut to Sydney. She is still strapped down the infirmary bed as the orderly from before comes in. He injects a substance intravenously into Sydney. SYDNEY: What is that? ORDERLY: Something to make you relax. SYDNEY: But... whh... [gasps and moans] Cut to APO, Marshall's office SLOANE: Marshall, can you find the cargo ship where Sydney's being held? MARSHALL: There are miles and miles of ocean here. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack. [shakes his head] RACHEL: What if you patched into the radar sat? MARSHALL: Overlay it in the optical feed. Rachel nods. MARSHALL: Right. That's GENIUS. All right. Looks like multiple radar returns. SLOANE: [points] Ignore those. They're commercial shipping. Heavily patrolled. They wouldn't run the risk of a random inspection. MARSHALL: Right. SLOANE: There. That one - it's in international waters. Ship that size wouldn't typically be that far out. MARSHALL: Got it. Sloane dials a number on his cell phone. Cut to exterior shot - night. [/b[ Dixon, all dressed in black exiting a black SUV with Tom and one or two other men. A helicopter whirs nearby DIXON: Hello? SLOANE: We have a hit. We're uploading the co-ordinates to your on-board GPS. DIXON: Understood. [yells to his fellow agents as they board the chopper] All right! Let's go! As the chopper takes off, we [b]cut to Sydney, coming to. Her vision is blurry and voices are coming in a little muffled and distorted. She sees two figures standing at the door. VOICE 1: What else? Besides abdominal pains? VOICE 2: Dizziness. And her complexion is pale. VOICE 1: Any trouble breathing? VOICE 2: Yes. A doctor (Voice 1) approaches Sydney. It's Dr. Lynn, the OB/GYN that Sydney's been visiting in LA. DR LYNN: Hello, Sydney. SYDNEY: [in recognition] You... DR LYNN: I understand you're having trouble. Don't worry, we're gonna take care of you. It's good you called me. Let's take this off her.[unstrapsa restraint on her belly]] SYDNEY: You b****. What did you do to me? DR LYNN: My job as your doctor, Sydney. Nothing more. I understand this must be hard to accept. But it would be much better if you could just relax. Sydney, I need you to hold very still. I need to draw a sample of your amniotic fluid SYDNEY: Go to hell. Sydney tries to struggle free. The orderly holds her down. DR LYNN: Please. I need you to listen. This is a delicate procedure. Any sudden movements could risk the health of your baby. SYDNEY: Please don't. DR LYNN: This might pinch a little Close in on Lynn's syringe ash she draws some clear, yellow fluid. At about 13ml, she begins to draw blood. DR LYNN: [to the orderly] Prep the room. We need to start right away. Cut to APO SLOANE: Zero-one, what's your status? Cut to helicopter DIXON: We're en route on closing (?). ETA 2300. Cut to Peyton PEYTON: [on phone] Are you sure she gave us the wrong information? What if you... No, I'm not doubting you. I just don't see how that's possible. But... what do you mean? How far out? I'm not sure that gives us enough time to... Of course. Yes. I'll let you know as soon as it's done. Cut to Sydney's OR. Peyton bursts in. PEYTON: Our timetable's change. You're going to have to work quickly. LYNN: We're just about to start. PEYTON: How long? LYNN: About an hour. PEYTON: You've got about 40 minutes. Let me know the second you're finished. [exits] SYDNEY: Please... LYNN: Just relax. I'm gonna take care of you. Orderly puts a gas mask over Sydney's face and she loses consciousness. Cut to helicopters. They're making its descent onto the freighter. Dixon and Tom exit. DIXON: I don't like it. Where are they? TOM: Probably taking a defensive position below deck. DIXON: We'll split into teams. You start clearing from the aft quarter, we'll come around from the other side TOM: Outflank them. DIXON: Let's go! Dixon and Tom split off to search the ship. It's empty. TOM: Where is everybody? It's all clear. Cut to more shots of the two teams searching the ship. No one is there. Tom sees a bright light coming from inside one door. He enters as we cut to Dixon's team. DIXON: Bravo, we're all clear here. They must've known we were coming and abandoned the ship. TOM: [through com] Not entirely. DIXON: What do you mean? TOM: Come down to the infirmary. Dixon as his team head down to the infirmary and we cut to Sydney waking up. DIXON: Sydney, are you all right? SYDNEY: I can't move. DIXON: Get the helicopter ready. We'll need to MedEvac her out of here. SYDNEY: Dixon, is the baby okay? DIXON: It's going to be okay, Syd. The two exchange looks, both have their brows furrowed. Cut to Dixon, Tom and two other agents loading a stretcher with Sydney onto a helicopter. Dixon squeezes Sydney's hand reassuringly. Sydney nods at Dixon, looking worried. The helicopter takes off. Cut to APO, Sloane's office MAN ON PHONE: I'm sure you're pleased with Sydney's return. You, however, made a grave error, Mr. Sloane. You should've contacted us the second your agency identified our ship. SLOANE: If you recall, I tried contacting you earlier regarding this matter. I was told-- MAN ON PHONE: Don't play games with me. I am aware of your fondness for power, so I imagine this arrangement is less than desirable for you. If you value your own daughter's life, from this point on, you are not to take a single action without clearing it with us first. As far as you're concerned, we own you. Is that clear enough? SLOANE: [trapped and clearly feeling unhappy about it] Yes. That is perfectly clear. MAN ON PHONE: You may take this as a victory right now, but you should understand, every action has consequences. We'll be in touch soon. [hangs up] Cut to Marshall, walking to Rachel's workstation. MARSHALL: You have a minute? RACHEL: Yeah, sure. MARSHALL: You know that decryption program I wrote? Somebody accessed it when I was out of my office. RACHEL: We should tell jack about the breach. With everything that's been going on... MARSHAL: I recovered the data that was decrypted. When you were in Langley, Tom accessed the Witsec archives. RACHEL: [opens the files that Marshall handed her] Amanda Grace. MARSHALL: Yeah. Did you know he was married? RACHEL: No. [flips the page and sees the Allen Korman photo] This is the guy who did it. MARSHALL: Yeah. I think that's what tom was looking for. Cut to a parking garage. Tom is waiting in a car, looking at the people entering the garage. His phone rings - it's Rachel. Tom spots Korman and switches off his phone. Korman is at his car when Tom approaches. KORMAN: How did you find me? TOM: Hello, Karl [?] KORMAN: Peter, I'm sorry. I was under orders. You have to believe me. TOM: That's not why I'm here. I need to get a message to The Cardinal. Cut to hospital. Jack enters Sydney's room as a suited agent waits outside. JACK: Sweetheart. [Kisses Sydney on the forehead] I'm sorry I took so long. SYDNEY: They just keep running tests. I mean, no body is... they won't tell me. JACK: I know. They want to be sure. SYDNEY: And? [off Jack's look] It's okay. Whatever it is, I can handle it. JACK: [sits down on the bed] Seems there was a crisis with your pregnancy while you were on that ship. Sydney starts to cry. JACK: Sydney, the baby's fine. It's fine. What they did to you on the boat - you were suffering from something called placental abruption. They corrected the problem. They weren't harming the baby. They were saving its life. SYDNEY: Why? Why would they do that? JACK: I don't know. We're not sure what it means. I promise you, we'llg et to the problem of it. Jack strokes the side of her face as Sydney cries. SYDNEY: While I was on the ship they tried to extract information from me but I lied to them. JACK: Shh. [shakes his head] Not here. There is a knock on the door and the suited agent enters. AGENT: Mr. Bristow. I'm sorry, sir. That's time. JACK: [off Sydney's frown] It's nothing. Just a small matter I need to attend to. Jack another kisses Sydney's forehead one more time and leaves.

After fleeing from interrogation and learning she was on a freighter at sea, Sydney goes to the communications room and sends a message to APO routed through the CIA to her whereabouts. Unbeknownst to her at the time, the message was intercepted by a mole at the CIA working for Prophet Five, although APO was able to obtain a piece of the transmission. Wanting to retrieve Sydney, APO attempts to break into a secured server room located at Langley with the goal of obtaining the remaining part of the transmission. Problems arise, however, when APO is forced to take the hard drive, which triggers an alarm. They manage to escape the situation thanks to Weiss who aids them in sneaking past the guards. Although the transmission on the hard drive is corrupted, APO is able to learn who corrupted it. Jack sets a meeting up with the division heads of the CIA and is quickly able to identify that the mole was Davenport, who confesses to Jack Sydney's whereabouts. APO then mounts a rescue to retrieve Sydney from the freighter; however, while they are in transit, Sydney is forced to go into surgery. When APO arrives, Sydney is alone on the freighter. After analyzing Sydney, doctors conclude that Prophet Five was not trying to hurt the baby, but actually save it.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_06x02

fd_One_Tree_Hill_06x02_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Dan is hitting by a car and Carrie kidnapps him. Carrie: I hit you with the borrowed car, and now i am going to kill you. But first, I'mgonna get Jamie back. Lucas asks Peyton to get married. Peyton: I love you. Yes. Lucas: You didn't let me ask you. Peyton: Yes baby yes Lucas: This isn't right. Peyton: No, it's... It's okay. It is. I just want to be your wife. Lucas: This is supposed to be a dream comes true. Skills and Deb hide their relation to the others. Deb: You right. We just gonna have to go public. Skills: Yeah. I'mgonna say,"Nate, look, I'mdating your mom, sleeping with her, doing all kind of freaky stuff to her." Skills: You want to tell him or should I? Nathan works hard to replay basketball, with Quentin's help. But he's got back's pain. Quentin: What's up? What's up? There it is. Nathan: For the first time, I, uh... felt like I was on my way back. Haley: I'mso glad for you, Nathan. Jamie: Hey, daddy, when you play in the NBA, you should play for the bobcats. Q says they need a shooting guard. Nathan: You and Q. Come here. Brooke and Victoria quarrel about the company. Brooke: It's my company. Victoria: No,it's our company. Brooke: Without my designs, you have nothing. Victoria: We'll see about that. Brooke: I want you to lock it. She's not getting anywhere near the new line. Brooke is attacked in her store. Beginning of the episode Nathan and Haley's house (day) Jamie is jumping on his bed. Lucas' voiceover: When I was a kid, I used to love to jump on the bed and pretend I could fly and pretend I could dunk. Hotel's room in LA (day) Lucas is lying on bed with Peyton next to him. Lucas: I was happy, and then my mom would pass by the room and shout, "Lucas Scott, if you break that box spring, you're gonna be sleeping on the floor the rest of your life." Peyton: Well, here's the good news. If you have to sleep on the floor, I'll sleep there with you. Lucas: For the rest of your life? Peyton: Definitely. They laugh. Shot on Jamie who's jumping on his bed, shot on Peyton and Lucas who are also jumping on their bed. Nathan and Haley's house (day) Haley walks past Jamie's room. Haley: Jamie Scott, if you break that box spring, you're sleeping on the floor the rest of your life. Jamie laughs and keeps jumping. Haley: And get ready for school, you goof. He stops and leaves his room. Skills comes in. Skills: Good morning. Deb gets a big smile but Haley comes in the kitchen. Haley: Skills! What are you doing here? Hi! They hug. Skills: Haley James Scott, good morning, baby girl. Hey, I was just in the neighborhood and thought maybe Nathan could use a ride to morning practice. Haley: It's because of Deb, isn't it? Deb looks surprised. Skills: What? Haley: You don't fool me, Skills. Well... Look, Mouth and Millicent are out of town. Nathan told you what a great cook deb is. I get it. Come on in. Breakfast is served. Skills: Hey, can't fool you, Hales. Skills takes Deb in his arms. Deb: What are you doing here? Skills: Just picking up Nathan... and kissing your sexy ass. Deb: mmm. Well, breakfast is served. They kiss but Jamie comes by surprise, setting them "in flagrante delicto". Jamie: Hey, uncle skills. Skills: Hey. There he is. Um, let me check. He pretends to verify if Deb has nothing in her eye. Skills: Oh, yeah, I...I...I think you're good. She just had some, uh... Yeah, she good. They seem embarassed. Jamie: Good morning, grandma. Deb: "nanny deb." Jamie: Nanny Deb. Skills: Okay, well, I'mgonna just, uh... you know... hey, locks it up, little man. Skills fists his knock against Jamie's one. Skills: All right. See you later, grandma. Right. He leaves the kitchen. Deb: Let's get you some breakfast. Jamie: And they thought the last nanny was crazy. Carrie's house (day) Carrie arrives with a tray in her hands. Carrie: Breakfast is served. You're gonna need to eat if you want to get big and strong before I kill you. Dan tries to speak but he can't. Carrie: Still can't talk, huh? You are, like, the perfect man. I mean, if you were younger and better-looking. No biting. She puts him a towel around the neck and removes the bell which covers the plate. Cockroaches are mixed in the porridge; she takes a spoon and approaches it of Dan's mouth. Carrie: Oh, okay. Here comes the choo-choo. Deb's car (day) Jamie is sitting in his automobile's seat behind the car. Jamie: Do people just kiss all the time? Deb: If they love each other. Jamie: Do you love uncle skills? Deb: What? Why? Jamie: You were kissing him. Deb (embarrased): uh, no... No, I wasn't. When? Jamie: This morning, in the kitchen. Deb: No, no, honey. I...I had something in my eye, and he was helping me get it out. Jamie: With his mouth? Deb: Jamie, I was not kissing Uncle Skills. I mean, first of all, he's your parents' age and one of Uncle Lucas' best friends. It just... It wouldn't be right. Jamie: I think it'd be cool. Deb: Yeah? Jamie: Yeah. "Grandpa Skills." Tree Hill's gymnasium- Basketball practice The Ravens are training, a guy shots and misses the basket. Skills: Hey, we got to release way sooner than that. He whistles. If we don't get out ahead of the ball, we might forget about. Now, can anybody get this thing right? Nathan: I'll give it a shot. Nathan gets off his pants and his T-shirt. Skills: It's about time. Q, you got a new shooting guard. Quentin (Imitating the sports presenters): Ladies and gentlemen, years from now, you'll be able to tell your friends you was in the gym the day Nathan Scott got back in the game! Nathan: Just give me the ball and get out of the way. Skills: Eight seconds and the shot goes up. Skins, we block out, kick the ball to Q, fill the lanes, and push it. All right? Let's go. Haley arrives next to Skills, he whistles to start the match. Guys: Go, go, go! The opposite team marks, Quentin gets back the ball; he goes back up the court. He crosses the ball to Nathan who shots and marks. Quentin: Don't call it a comeback, baby. Don't do that. The team keeps playing. Haley (smiling): How was breakfast? Skills: So damn good. Haley: Good. Hey, will you remind Quentin that he's got a tutoring session after practice today? Skills: Yeah, I will. Haley: Okay, thank you. Skills: How's he doing? Haley: Great, actually. He's doing better with "les mis" than I did in high school. Skills: Yeah, that's great... whatever that is. Haley laughs and Nathan puts a basket. Quentin: Ohh! Somebody getting sexy! He gives a pat to Nathan on to buttocks. Haley: He's right about that. That boy looks damn good on a basketball court. (raises her voice) Hey, 23... Nathan looks at her, she makes a telephone with her hand. Haley: Call me. Quentin: Damn, I got to change my jersey number. Haley: I'll see you later. She starts to leave the gym. Skills: Hey, Haley. How's Luke doing? Haley: Something tells me Lucas is gonna be just fine. Hotel's room in LA (day) Peyton is still jumping on the bed, she falls down on Lucas when a cleaning lady comes in the room. Cleaning lady: Ooh! Excuse me. Peyton: It's okay. We're getting married. The cleaning lady leaves the room and closes the door. Peyton (laughing): Thanks. Um, okay. So... you know how you said our wedding should be a dream come true? Lucas: Oh, boy. Peyton: I just... I never wanted my wedding to be like "princess for a day", but I do think it would be fun to have your mom there and... Peyton's cell phone rings, she looks who's calling. Peyton: It's Brooke. Can i tell her? Lucas: Sure. You can tell her we're coming home for the ceremony. She takes the call. Peyton: Hey, best friend! Brooke: Hi. You didn't come home again. Peyton: Oh, yeah, well, that's 'cause I'min LA with Lucas. And we wanted you to be the first to know... We're getting married. Brooke (with a strange voice): That's great Peyton. I, uh... I'mjust... I'mat the store, and someone needs help. Peyton: Yeah, no, okay. Um, you sure everything's okay? Brooke: Yeah. I'm just really happy for you. I got to go. We can see Brooke's face which is full of marks of blow, alone in her house. Brooke's house (day) Brooke is calling someone. Brooke: Hi. It's Brooke. I know this probably seems out of the blue, but do you think you could meet me at my store? On a plane (day) Lucas comes back to his seat, he sits down next to Peyton. Lucas: I thought you were gonna come meet me. Peyton: I chickened out. You're just gonna have to join the mile-high club on your own. Lucas: I just kind of did. Lucas: I'mkidding, I'mkidding. So, um... When would you like to get married, Peyton Sawyer? Peyton: Oh, I love that question. Um...I don't know. Why don't we find a place we both like, and then we could pick a date? Lucas: Okay. Well, until then, how do you feel about living in sin by moving in with me? Peyton (laughing): Well, considering the last 48 hours, I'mpretty sure we already have been living in sin. Lucas: Yeah. Peyton: I'd love to. I do want to spend one more night with Brooke, though. She sounded sad on the phone, and I'm gonna miss her. He kisses her on the forehead Lucas: You got it. Clothe's Over Bros (day) Deb arrives at the store which completely returned and discovers that Brooke was assaulted. Deb: My god. Brooke? Brooke is wearing sunglasses. Brooke: Hi. Deb: Honey, what... What happened? Were you robbed? Brooke turns back and take off her glasses, Deb is shocked when she sees her face. Brooke: Yeah. Last night. Deb: Oh, my god. Brooke: I'mnot gonna cry. Deb takes her in her arms. Deb: Oh, it's okay. Brooke: I'mnot gonna cry. Jamie's school (day) Haley is waiting in front of her car to pick up Jamie who's going out of the school. Haley: Hey, baby. How was school? She makes him a kiss on his head. Jamie: Pretty good. Haley: Come on. She takes him by his hand when Jamie shows her a black S.U.V. Jamie: Hey (showing the car with his hand). Grandpa Dan. Haley: Come on. Let's go. She opens the car door, Jamie goes in the car and Haley seems worried about the situation. Tree Hill's gymnasium Quentin and Nathan are training. Quentin: What's up, man? What's up, boy? Nathan takes the ball, dodges Quentin, he shoots and marks a basket. Quentin: My god, man. You are getting it back. Nathan: Slowly but surely. Quentin: Slowly? Dude, you're playing like me. Haley and Jamie arrive in the gym. Haley: Hi, boys. Nathan: Hey. Quentin starts a rap song, following by Jamie. Quentin: "I said they call him J Luke, so put up your duke, is the boy blowin' up and the boy done shook us, hey! " Jamie: "They call him Q Fields, he's a pretty big deal, he's working my corner, he's keeping it real" They pretend to box. Quentin: Give me some. Man, it looks so much cooler when you're rocking that cape, man. Jamie shows him his red cape. Quentin: Yeah, I see. I like that, man. I wish I had me one of them. That's hot. (He slams fingers ) Wait a second. I brought you something, man. I got you a little something. Hold on one second. He leaves looking for something in his sports bag. During this time Haley talks to Nathan. Haley: Hey. Dan was at school again today. It just bothers me that he keeps coming around. Nathan seems annoyed by what says Haley, then they look Quentin and Jamie on the court by smiling. Quentin: Check this out. (He shows to Jamie a small box made in wood) Now, when I was a kid, I used to put all my little treasures in here. See that? Hmm? Now you can, too. Jamie (so happy): Cool! Thanks, Q! Quentin: Oh, man, it was nothing. You got it. Haley starts living. Haley: Q, I'm gonna be in my classroom. Quentin: All right, I'll be right there, miss H.J.S. All right, baller, I got to go, man, but, uh... See if you can beat your dad in that cape. He starts living the gym. Quentin: Oh, yeah, it's easy. It's nothing. You can do it. Nathan comes on the court. Nathan: It's a pretty cool gift, huh? Let's see what you got, Dr. J. He passes the ball to Jamie who marks a basket. Nathan: Yes! They beat themselves in hands. Nathan: Nothing but net. Clothe's Over Bros (day) Deb is putting some make up on Brooke's face in order to hide her overalls. Deb: Did you call the police? Brooke: No, and I don't want to. Deb: Brooke, you have to file a police report, or your insurance company won't accept the claim. Brooke: I don't want to. I have plenty of money for this. Deb: Well, do you know what's missing? Brooke: The computer, cash from the register, and the sketches for my new line. Deb: Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. But I really think we need to call the police. Brooke: No. I don't want the press involved in this. So you can't tell anyone, okay? Not Haley and Nathan or Peyton or anyone. Please. Deb: Okay. Brooke: Thank you. Deb: Come here. Brooke: Deb, you own a gun, right? Deb: I do. Brooke: I want you to teach me how to use it. Carrie's house (day) Carrie returns at home, she puts her business on a piece of furniture and approaches Dan. Carrie: Jamie was happy to see you at school today. Haley didn't look very pleased, though. Pretty soon, when Jamie goes missing, she'll remember that Grandpa Dan kept coming around. As a matter of fact, she saw his car there practically every day. Dan turns his glance and Carrie takes his head with her hand. Carrie: How does it feel to be the prime suspect, huh? She leaves the room. Tree Hill's gymnasium Nathan stops playing and comes to sit next to Jamie and Skills on terraces. Nathan: What's on your mind, Skills? Skills (annoyed): Oh, nothing. Actually, when you first started dating Haley, how hard was that for you to keep that from Lucas? Nathan: It was probably harder for Haley 'cause they were friends, but I didn't like Lucas. Jamie (surprised): You didn't like Uncle Lucas? Nathan: It was a long time ago, big ears. He pulls him ear. Nathan: Why? Where's your head? Skills: Just thinking about the rules of it all, you know... How sometimes the heart just wants what it wants. Nathan: So, what's going on, Skills? You sneaking around with some hot girl and not telling us? Jamie (with a roguish air): Yeah, what's going on, Sk-i-ills? Nathan: Hey. Jamie: My ears aren't that big. Skills and Nathan laugh. Haley's classroom Quentin read "Les Miserables" while Haley corrects his copy. Haley: Well, Mr; Fields, you've certainly come a long way. It almost seems as though you're starting to enjoy "Les Miserables." Quentin: Oh, come on, now. Don't get crazy on me. You asked me to read the book, and I'm reading the book. Haley: I've also noticed how you are with Jamie and Nathan. I appreciate it. Quentin: I'm telling you, man. Jamie, that kid right there, he is gonna be the man. I'm serious. He already got some things going for him. Haley: Well, I think he likes it, that the star of the basketball team makes him feels special. Quentin: Well, I got a little brother his age. Yeah, he always watching me and copying me and whatever. I ju... I don't know. I just try to keep it fun for him before he grows up and life gets harder. Haley: Quentin, what do you want to do with your life? Besides basketball. Quentin: Besides basketball... I don't know, I guess, uh... get married, raise a family. They smile. Haley: Yeah? You want kids? Quentin: I mean, I think about it sometimes. When I look at my little brother or when I see J Luke, I don't know. I think maybe I'll have a son of my own someday or, you know, a little girl. That'd be all right. Yeah. Haley: Well, like I said, you've certainly come a long way. (She shows him his copy) A plus, Mr. Fields. Quentin (making big eyes): A plus? Haley: A plus. Quentin: What? I got A, nice. So, I guess this means I get to go ahead and stop reading this book? Haley: No. Quentin: I, not even, I can't... Nathan and Haley's house Jamie stands on the back of Nathan who's lying on the ground. He masses him the back. Nathan: Okay, that's good. Just a little lower now. Jamie: Okay. Jamie comes down a little more low and we hear the Nathan's back to crack. Nathan: Ahh. Perfect. Haley arrives in the lounge and discovers them, she's amused. Haley: Hi. Jamie: Hi, mama. Haley: What is this? I won't let you hop on the bed? So you're hopping on the pop? Jamie: It's fun. You should try it. Haley: Maybe I will. Haley puts her heel's shoe on the shoulder of Nathan and pretends to rest. Nathan: Hey! She squats towards Nathan. Haley: Um, where's Deb? Nathan: I have no idea, again. Skills' appartment Deb enters the apartment. Skills: Hi. Hey. Deb: Um, I... I don't have very long. Skills: Oh, okay. Good. Skills begins to put off her dress, but she stops him in her moose. Skills: Sorry. How was your day? Deb: I had to lie to Jamie about us. Then...something else happened. Skills: Wait. Come on. Sit down. What's going on? He takes her hand and they go sitting. Deb: Well, I... I can't really talk about it, but, um... I have a friend who's going through some really emotional stuff. And she wants me to keep it a secret. Skills: Okay. Deb: I'm just not sure I should. Skills: Well, how'd you find out about it? Deb: She called me. Skills: Well, without knowing the situation, I'd say that she called you for a reason. And if she ain't really tell nobody else about it, then that means that she respects you and probably thinks that you're the one person that just might understand what she going through. Deb: Yeah. Skills: That makes a lot of sense. I mean, is there anything I can do? Deb: You just did it. She smiles. Deb: Hey. We just had our first real conversation. She laughs. Deb: It was nice. Skills: Yeah, it was kind of nice, huh? I mean, it wasn't better than that cheerleading outfit, but... It was nice. They kiss. Brooke's house Peyton arrives home and calls Brooke. Peyton: Brooke, I'm home! Brooke: Okay, don't freak out. Peyton: Why? She is surprised when she discovers the face of her friend full of marks. Peyton: Oh, my god. Brooke, what happened? Brooke: Lindsey came by and said, "Peyton's a bitch." and i said, "Peyton is not a bitch." And she said, "Yes, she is." and i said, "well, maybe you're the bitch, bitch." and... but you should see her face. Peyton: Brooke... Brooke: I was doing laundry, and I got all tangled up in one of the sheets, and I felt face-first down the stairs. Peyton: Oh, honey. I'm sorry I wasn't here. Why didn't you call me? Brooke: I did, but you said you were getting married. Peyton: Is that why you sounded so bad on the phone? Oh, I'm so sorry. She approaches Brooke to hug her but she stops her. Brooke: No, it's okay. Really, I'm too sore to hug. Peyton: Okay. Brooke: But congratulations. Peyton: Thanks. It's kind of sudden, right? Brooke: Are you kidding? The rest of the world's been waiting on you two idiots since high school. She opens the freezer and takes a package of deep-frozen vegetables. Peyton: He asked me to move in with him. Brooke: Really? Do married people do that? She puts it on her eye. Brooke: I am really happy for you, P. Sawyer. I might be a little happier if it was your bony ass that fell down the stairs, but still... Peyton: I'm gonna miss this. Brooke: Me too. Nathan and Haley's house Jamie arrives quite slowly behind Haley who plays the piano, he imitates a small monster. Haley (playing piano and singing): "I smell a little monster sneaking up behind me" She turns back and they scream together. Haley: What's up, beastie boy? Jamie: Can you help me make a cape? Haley: sure. How come? Jamie: Well, Quentin really likes mine, and I thought maybe we could make one for him, too. Haley: I think that's a very nice idea. I'd be happy to help you, sir. She shakes hands with him, Lucas arrives behind noiselessly. Haley: Do you smell that? Jamie: No. Haley: I, I smell a bigger monster. He embraces Jamie. Jamie: Uncle Lucas! Lucas: You're getting heavy. Jamie: Did you know that Daddy didn't like you once? Lucas: What? When? Jamie: When he was dating mama. I have big ears. He shows his ear with his hand. Lucas: Good looking out. They beat themselves the fist and Jamie goes out of the room. Lucas: Kid's got my back. Haley: So, speaking of sneaking around, uh, where have you been the last few days? With Peyton, maybe? Lucas: Actually, we're engaged. He smiles. Haley: Get out! She strikes him friendly. Haley: Dude, I just shaved your head from your last engagement gone wrong! Lucas: I know. I know it sounds crazy. But we just spent the last couple of days together, happier than either one of us can remember. And I know I have been all over the place. But my best friend told me, "Pick a team" and you were right. Haley: You're happy? Lucas: We both are. Haley: That's all that counts. Besides, the only people that tear happy people down are those that are unhappy, so you go do your thing. I got your back. Lucas: Thanks. Brooke's house (night) Peyton is sitting on the sofa and Brooke is above lying, the head on Peyton's knees. Peyton: Thank you. Brooke: For what? Peyton: For always helping me, for giving me a place to live and for the record label and... For being my best friend. You really are a good person, Brooke Davis. Brooke: And what do I get out of it? Peyton: Great friends... Great life... Good karma. Brooke: I don't believe in karma. I try to be a good person, and bad stuff happens anyway. Peyton: Like what kind of bad stuff? Like falling down the stairs? Brooke (with tears in her eyes): Yeah, something like that. Peyton: You missing Angie? Brooke: I don't really want to talk about it. Peyton: Okay. Peyton: Uhm, let me ask you something. If you don't believe in karma... What do you believe in? Brooke: Justice. Nathan and Haley's house Haley and Jamie unwind the tissue to make the cape. Jamie: Make sure we make it bigger, mama. Q's a li-i-ttle bigger than me. Haley: A little? Jamie: You think nanny deb wants help? Haley: Oh, I think Nanny Deb's taking a nap right now. Haley makes the drawing but does not find her scissors. Jamie: She sure has been tired a lot lately. Haley: Yeah, she has, huh? Where did I put my scissors? She opens the drawer in the bathroom, she takes the flask of medicines which is empty. She opens the door of the room, puts the light on and Deb wakes with a start, a green mask on her face. Haley: Hey. Masked avenger, get up. Deb: What? Haley: I know what you've been up to. Deb: I was gonna tell you. Haley: Deb, I will not have a junkie around my son. Deb: Oh, wait. What? Haley shows her the flask. Haley: I found the pills. Deb: O...kay. Haley: Come on, Deb. Nathan's pain medication for his back. This bottle was full a week ago, and now you're out all night and you're always tired. Deb: You think I took those pills? Haley: Well, unless you've been fighting crime in that thing, where the hell have you been? Deb pust off her mask. Deb: I've been having s*x. Haley grimaces. Deb: Well, I have. And i haven't taken a single one of those pills. I believe your husband's back has been bothering him lately. Shot on Haley and Deb, who are sitting in the lounge in front of Nathan. Haley: We know what you've been up to, Nathan. And don't try and blame it on Deb, because she has been having s*x. Nathan (He grimaces): ugh. Haley: Have you been taking these pills? And don't say... Nathan: Yes. Haley: Yes? Nathan: Yeah. Those are my pain pills for my back, and my back's been in pain. Haley: This bottle was full a week ago. Nathan: I know. I've been taking two a day, which is what the prescription says. But, you know, contrary to popular belief, some people can take pills without turning into a junkie. Deb puts her mask on her face and leaves the room. Deb: I'm going back to bed. Nathan: Look, if it makes you feel any better, I could probably play through the pain, but those pills really seem to help. Haley: I just want you to be careful. Nathan: I will. Are you okay? Haley: Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Can we at least just go see the doctor and talk to him about everything now that you're playing again? Nathan: Sure. We'll go tomorrow. Haley: Okay. Carrie's house Carrie is putting some flowers in a vase. Carrie: You know what the worst part about being a fugitive is? Being a fugitive. All that sneaking around, constantly being pursued. See, that's where you come in. Grandpa Dan, just out of prison, hanging around the schoolyard, and then Jamie's missing and Grandpa Dan's missing. I'm sure the manhunt will be extensive, but they'll be looking for you in a black s.u.v., not in a shallow grave out by the swing set. She puts the flowers on a table next to Dan's bed. Carrie: You know what I love most? The fact that no one checks up on you because no one likes you. Yeah, they'll all miss Jamie, but no one's gonna miss you. All I have to do is burn your i.d. and that pager. And, by the way, a beeper. What are you, a drug dealer on "miami vice"? She opens the drawer and takes the pager. Carrie: You did get one page, though right after I hit you with that car. So I guess your table's ready at the cheesecake factory. Dan is trying to speak. Carrie: It's alive! Well done. What does it want to say? Dan: Your plan sucks. He laughs. Tree Hill's hospital (day) Doctor: You know, that pain you're experiencing is your body telling you to slow down. You can't handle the pace you kept before your accident. Nathan puts back his T-shirt. Doctor: Which is not to say you can't have a basketball career again, if you're smart about it. Haley: What does that mean, exactly? Can you tell us the risks to him if he plays again? Doctor: Well, it's the "exactly" part that's a little tricky, Haley. Nathan's back is held together with medical ingenuity and a few miracles. The miracle part isn't exactly scientific. Nathan: But it's possible that I could play for 10 years and be fine, right? Doctor: Oh, yeah, it's possible. But here's the worst-case scenario. You cause your spine enough trauma to end up back in that wheelchair... Possibly for life. Haley looks at Nathan with a worried glance. Brooke's house- Peyton's room (day) Jamie and Lucas are making Peyton's boxes. Jamie: How come Peyton's moving out? Lucas: Because she's moving in with me. We're getting married. Jamie: What happened to Lindsey? Lucas: It's a long story, kid. Jamie: Were you ever in love with mama? Lucas: What do you mean? Like love love? Jamie says yes with his head. Lucas: No, we were always, uh, just friends. Why? Jamie: Just wondered. Were you ever in love with Aunt Brooke? Lucas: Long story. Here. Make yourself useful, knucklehead. Jamie goes down from the stool and takes the box which gives him Lucas. He stops and turns around towards Lucas. Jamie: When you get married, do I have to be the ring bearer again? Lucas: Not if you don't want to. Jamie: Good. 'cause last time, it didn't work out so well. Jamie leaves the room and Lucas is smiling. Carrie's house (day) Dan is lying on his bed and Carrie is cuting some flowers. Dan: Your plan sucks. Carrie: Really? The guy can finally speak, and he's a frickin' talking parrot. Don't make me get the ball gag. Dan: Now you're just turning me on. Carrie (by sighing of nervousness): Okay. She turns back. Carrie: I'll play your little game, parrot. Why does my plan suck? Dan: The pager. There's a number on the back of it. Call it. Carrie: Is this a trick? Dan: Call it and find out. Carrie: My plan doesn't suck. She is getting angry. Rivercourt (day) Nathan is standing on the court, while Haley is sitting on a table. Nathan: They're getting married, huh? Haley: Yeah. Nathan: The doctor scared you, didn't he? Haley: Right about the time he said "paralysis." Nathan turns back, he joins Haley and sits down next to her. Haley: I was watching you practice with the team yesterday. You looked so happy, somebody that was doing exactly what they were born to do. You still love it, don't you? Nathna: Yeah. I do. And the truth is, I could probably slow down and try to play a little differently. She gets closer to him. Haley (smiling): No, you can't. That's not who you are. You can't do that. Can i tell you a secret, though? That's what I love about you. I remember the first time I saw you play, when I was tutoring you. You were like a rock star out there. Nathan: Masonboro. You sat with Keith, (with a derisive voice) and you wore that goofy hat. Haley: Whatever. She puts her head on his shoulder. Nathan: I scored 35 points that night and each basket was like my own personal version of a Haley James pickup line. Haley: It worked. Nathan: I played that game for you, Haley, and you know what? I'd give it up for you, too. 'cause as much as I love playing the game and the person that I am when I play it, I love being a husband and a father more. Brooke's house Peyton is calling Brooke but she's got no answers. Lucas arrives in the Kitchen with a box in his hands, foolowed by Jamie. Lucas: This is the last of it. No Brooke? He gives the box to Jamie. Peyton: No. She was gone when I woke up this morning, and she's not picking up her cell or at the store. Lucas: That sucks. I really wanted to see her. Jamie: A little help here. The box is too heavy for Jamie, so Lucas takes it. Lucas: Whoa. I got you. Hey, Peyton. It's a beginning, not an end. He gives a wink to her and leaves. Peyton wait a few time and leaves too. We can see Brooke who's on her bed, locked in her room. Carrie's house (day) Carrie makes hundred steps in the room by fiddling with the pager in her hands. Dan on his bed is smiling. Carrie: Stop smiling! Dan: Call the number. Carrie: Aagh! "Call the number, call the number"! You want me to call the number? I'll call the damn number! She takes the phone and calls the number. Carrie: Pay as you go. No caller i.d. My "plan sucks," says the cripple in the restraints. Paramedic (on the phone): Emergency medical response team. May I have your name and the number on your pager, please? Carrie: I... I'm sorry. I think I've dialed the wrong number. Who is this? Paramedic: Emergency medical response team and unless you're on the waiting list for a heart transplant, you've called the wrong number. Carrie: I'm sorry. She hangs up her phone. Dan is laughing. Carrie (screaming): Shut up. I said, "Shut up!" She throws the phone against the door, it brokes. Brooke's house Brooke is alone at her home, she's looking Peyton's room which is empty. Then someone is ringing on the door. Deb: Brooke? It's Deb, honey. Brooke? She opens the door by sighing. Deb: Hi. I was in the neighborhood. Thought you might want to have a little girls' night. Brooke: No, thank you. De: Brooke... I lived a lot of years feeling powerless and alone. I was pissed off and medicated and scared to death. That's not going to happen to you... Not if I can help it. Now, get dressed. Carrie's house (day) Carrie gets angry after her phone call. Carrie: What does that mean emergency response team? Huh?! Speak! Dan: It means... I have less than six months to live and even if I kidnap my own grandson, then I'm only a suspect for a few months. Then I'm dead. And where is he? Carrie takes her head between her hands. Dan (laughing): Which means your plan sucks. Then she threatens Dan with a knife. Carrie: Stop saying that! You hear me?! Stop saying that, and keep your mouth shut, or I promise you I will kill you right now! Dan: Without that heart... I'm already dead. Carrie leaves the room. Lucas' house Peyton is emptying her suitcases, then she calls up at Brooke, but she falls on the answering machine. She listens to the message, smiles and hangs up. Answering machine: "Go! Hi. This is Brooke. And this is peyton. Leave us, call us, you said I was supposed to go next. No, I did not. Yes, you did! Leave a message. Bye. I told you I was gonna go next." Carrie's house Close-up on Dan which tries to remove the hand of the belt, he smiles. Tree Hill's gymnasium Nathan puts a basket. Nathan: Game. He begins to leave. Quentin: Damn. One more, man. Let's go. Nathan: That's it. I'm done today, man. Quentin: What? That's soft, man. You ain't never getting to the association like that. Nathan (smiling): All right, we'll see about that. Quentin: So, you're leaving? Just like that? What the hell are you thinking about, Nate? Nathan: I'm thinking I got a really hot wife and an awesome son waiting for me at home. Quentin: Hey, Nate. I'm happy to be a part of it, man. Nathan: What's that? Quentin: The comeback. Nathan: Don't call it a comeback, man. Quentin: Oh, it's a comeback, baby. It's a beautiful thing to watch, bro. Nathan: Tomorrow morning... Rivercourt. And, Q... Thank you. He leaves the gym. Nathan and Haley's house Haley is finishing sewing the cape for Quentin, under the happy glance of Jamie. Jamie: It's so awesome, mama. Quentin's gonna love it. Haley smiles. Tree Hill high school - Lucas' office Lucas comes in his office and finds Skills who's there. Lucas: Dude. Don't you have the apartment all to yourself now? Where's the party? Skills: Yeah, well, you got a whole house all to yourself. Lucas: Not anymore. Skills looks amazed. Lucas: Peyton's moving in. We're getting married. Skills: Well, well. You want another drink, or should I just wait till you propose to Brooke? Lucas: Nice. How about I buy you a drink, huh? Skills: Okay. Lucas: I mean, unless it's a bad time. Skills: Nah. I was just gonna talk to Q about something. But I'll see him tomorrow. Lucas: All right. Let's go. Skills: Let's roll. They leave the office. Gas station (night) Quentin parks in front of the pumps of the gas station, he comes down() from the car and enters the shop. The man in the store seems bizarre. Quentin: Hey. Can I get 20 on pump number 1, please? Quentin perceives an inanimate man and tracks of blood behind the counter. He pays and turns around. Man: Have a nice night. Shot on a pistol, a blow is pulled. It's Brooke who's training in shooting with Deb. Lucas' house (night) Lucas's mobile rings in the middle of the night, he answers. Lucas: Hello? Oh, my god. He seems swamped by what he learns. Peyton: Lucas, what is it? Lucas: Quentin Fields was shot tonight. He's dead.

After Lucas and his fiancé enjoy planning their dream wedding, Brooke and Peyton reconnect. Nathan works with Quentin on his basketball skills, but Haley for Nathan's well-being. Reeling from a threat to her store, Brooke reaches out to an unexpected ally. Jamie catches Skills and Deb kissing.

fd_FRIENDS_02x05

fd_FRIENDS_02x05_0

Originally written by Chris Brown Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips [[email protected]] Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein. [Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.] ROSS: Man, I sure miss Julie. CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings) ROSS: You ever figure out what that thing's for? CHANDLER: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned. (MACHINE--JOEY'S VOICE): Here comes the beep, you know what to do. JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did? CHANDLER: What? JADE: I got a little drunk...and naked. CHANDLER: Bob here. CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to? JADE: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster. CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her. ROSS: I know. CHANDLER: I'm back. JADE: So, are we gonna get together or what? CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish? JADE: Great, I'll see you then. CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off. ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, "hey, you're not Bob." CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table. ROSS: Oh my god. You are pure evil. CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've done this. (At Monica and Rachel's) ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico. ALL: Hi, Julie! RACHEL: (sarcastically) Hi, Julie. CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday. PHOEBE: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? You know, like from, like 20? CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake. JOEY: Do we need a cake? CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep. RACHEL: Yeah, whoosh! CHANDLER: But it's Ross. PHOEBE: It's Ross. JOEY: All right. CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing. ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you? CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just. RACHEL: So uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight? JOEY: Well I guess I gotta start savin' up for Ross's birthday, so I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies. PHOEBE: Can you believe how much this is gonna cost? RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do? JOEY: Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying "let's go here, let's go there". Like we can afford to go here and there. PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross. JOEY: For Ross. RACHEL: For Ross, Ross, Ross. MONICA: (enters) Oh my god. RACHEL: Hey. JOEY: Hi. RACHEL: What? MONICA: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job. JOEY: If it's not you, this is a horrible story. MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice. JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. (to Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney? (at Central Perk) ROSS: I'm tellin' you. You can't do this. CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods. ROSS: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness. CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy. ROSS: Go over there and tell that woman the truth. CHANDLER: All right. ROSS: Go. CHANDLER: Hi. JADE: Hi. CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something. JADE: Yes? CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk. JADE: How did you--? CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue? JADE: Thanks. CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today. (At Somplace Nice) ROSS: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef-- MONICA: Who is also in charge of purchasing. ROSS: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing-- MONICA: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there. ROSS: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister-- MONICA: Oh, wait, and I got a beeper! JOEY: Cool. PHOEBE: Let's see! ROSS: That's fine, I'll just wait! MONICA: Oh, sorry. JOEY: Sorry, sorry. ROSS: Monica! (glasses clinking) WAITER: Are we ready to order? RACHEL: Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet. WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat. PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices. RACHEL: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching. JOEY: What are these, like famous chickens? CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade? ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine? CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number. ROSS: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper calls? WAITER: Do I dare ask? MONICA: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns. ROSS: That sounds great. Same for me. WAITER: And for the gentleman? JOEY: Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza. But, hey, look, if I get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper? WAITER: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss? RACHEL: Ok, I will have the uh, (whispers) side salad. WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of? RACHEL: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water? WAITER: And for you? PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna have a cup of the cucumber soup, and, um, take care. CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish. WAITER: Anything else? CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you? ROSS: (using calculator) Plus tip, divided by six. Ok, everyone owes 28 bucks. RACHEL: Um, everyone? ROSS: Oh, you're right, I'm sorry. JOEY: Thank you. ROSS: Monica's big night, she shouldn't pay. MONICA: Oh, thank you! ROSS: So five of us is, $33.50 apiece. PHOEBE: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen. CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback. PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just... ROSS: Ok, Pheebs! How 'bout we'll each just pay for what we had. It's no big deal. PHOEBE: Not for you. MONICA: All right, what's goin' on? RACHEL: Ok, look you guys, I really don't want to get into this right now. I think it'll just make everyone uncomfortable. PHOEBE: Fine. All right, fine. JOEY: Yeah. CHANDLER: You can tell us. ROSS: Hello, it's us, all right? It'll be fine. JOEY: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don't get that uh, we don't have as much money as you. MONICA: Ok. ROSS: I hear ya. CHANDLER: We can talk about that. PHOEBE: Well, then...Let's. ROSS: I, I just never think of money as an issue. RACHEL: That's 'cause you have it. ROSS: That's a good point. CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before? JOEY: 'Cause it's always somethin', you know, like Monica's new job, or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla. ROSS: Wha--? Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative--there's gonna be a hoopla? RACHEL: Basically, there's the thing, and then there's the stuff after the thing. MONICA: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and we'll just do the gift. ROSS: G-gift? The thing's not the gift? CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish. ROSS: Hootie and the--oh my. I, I can catch them on the radio. PHOEBE: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert. ROSS: No, look, hey, it's my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together. MONICA: All of us. CHANDLER: Together. ROSS: Not at the concert. RACHEL: Ok. JOEY: Yeah. RACHEL: Thank you. JOEY: Thanks. PHOEBE: Yeah. CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh? (at Monica and Rachel's) CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag? MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look. PHOEBE: Oh, it's like a skit. MONICA: Why, it's dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe. ROSS: Whoo! PHOEBE: Cool. MONICA: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work, and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank-you. ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope? CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall. ROSS: Come on. CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish! MONICA: It's on us, all right, so don't worry. It's our treat. PHOEBE: So...Thank you. ROSS: Could you be less enthused? JOEY: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like-- MONICA: Like? JOEY: Charity. MONICA: Charity? ROSS: We're just tryin' to do a nice thing here. RACHEL: Ross, you have to understand that your nice thing makes us feel this big. PHOEBE: Actually, it makes us feel that big. ROSS: I don't, I don't understand. I mean, you, it's like we can't win with you guys. CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel. JOEY: Oh, now you're tellin' us how you feel. RACHEL: Ok, we never shoulda talked about this. PHOEBE: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now. RACHEL: Me neither. JOEY: Me too. MONICA: Guys, we bought the tickets. PHOEBE: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff. CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that? MONICA: Well, I guess now we can't go. RACHEL: What? Come on, you do what you want to do. Do we always have to do everything together? MONICA: You know what? You're right. PHOEBE: Fine. ROSS: Fine. JOEY: Fine. CHANDLER: Fine. RACHEL: Fine. MONICA: All right. We're gonna go. It's not for another six hours. We're gonna go then. ROSS: Chandler! CHANDLER: Yeah? ROSS: Geez! Are you ready? CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had s*x today. ROSS: Whoa! You had s*x today? CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming. ROSS: Wow. CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign. (phone rings) [SCENE_BREAK] ROSS: Still doing the screening thing? CHANDLER: I had s*x today. I never have to answer that phone again. MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do. JADE: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy. CHANDLER: Bob here. JADE: Oh, hi. CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh? JADE: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had s*x with him 2 hours ago. CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he? JADE: Eh. CHANDLER: Eh? JADE: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name. CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good. JADE: It was just so awkward and bumpy. ROSS: (silently mouthing) Bumpy? CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it. JADE: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean? (at the concert) MONICA: You know what? I'm not gonna be able to enjoy this. ROSS: Yeah, I know, it's my birthday. We all should be here. CHANDLER: So, let's go. ROSS: Well maybe, you know, maybe we should stay for one song. CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now. MONICA: You know, the guys are probably having a great time. (at Monica and Rachel's) JOEY: Come on you guys, one more time. PHOEBE: Ok. One. JOEY: Nooo. MONICA: That was amazing! ROSS: Excellent, that was excellent. CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this. ROSS: What guys? Oh, yeah. STEVE: Excuse me, you're Monica Geller aren't you? MONICA: Do I know you? STEVE: You used to be my babysitter. MONICA: Oh my god, little Stevie Fisher? How've you been? STEVE: Good, good, I'm a lawyer now. MONICA: You can't be a lawyer. You're eight. STEVE: Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run backstage. MONICA: Uh, wait, backstage? STEVE: Oh, yeah, my firm represents the band. ROSS: Ross. CHANDLER: Chandler. STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad? (at Central Perk) ROSS: Hey, you guys. RACHEL: Happy birthday. ROSS: Oh, thank you, thanks. So uh, how was your night last night? RACHEL: Oh, well, it pretty much sucked. How was yours? MONICA: Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but, I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him? RACHEL: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, how's his dad? MONICA: Uh, good. ROSS: Uh, aside from that, the whole evening was pretty much a bust. CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys. JOEY: Yeah, look, we were just saying, this whole thing is really stupid. PHOEBE: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey? MONICA: No, I just, I fell down. RACHEL: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey? MONICA: You know, a party, or-- RACHEL: What party? ROSS: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band. JOEY: You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish? CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this. RACHEL: Who gave you that hickey? MONICA: That would be the work of a Blowfish. RACHEL: Oh! PHOEBE: Oh! I can't believe it. I can't believe this. We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying and having fun, and you know, all, "hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck". ROSS: Look, don't blame us. You guys coulda been there, you know. RACHEL: What, as part of your poor friends outreach program? (Monica's pager goes off) MONICA: It's work. CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it. JOEY: And we don't work hard? MONICA: (on phone) Yeah, hi, it's Monica. I just got a page. CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more. JOEY: And you feel like we hold you back. CHANDLER: Yes. RACHEL: Oh! CHANDLER: No. MONICA: Leon, Leon. Shhh! Guys. Wait, I don't understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. That was not a kick back. I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing. What corporate policy? No. Yeah. All right. I just got fired. PHOEBE: Oh. (Everyone goes over to comfort Monica) WAITRESS: Here's your check. That'll be $4.12. JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks? MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do. JADE: Hi, it's me. Listen, Bob. I'm probably way out of line here. I mean, It has been 3 years, and you're probably seeing someone else now, but if we could just have one night together, just for old time's sake, one hot, steamy, wild night... (Joey lunges for phone and misses.)

When a sexy-sounding woman calls the wrong number, Chandler seeks to exploit the situation, with ultimately embarrassing results. Income disparity issues divide the friends: the more affluent Ross, Chandler, and Monica versus the less-well-off Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey. Newly-promoted Monica is fired after accepting "gifts" from her restaurant's meat supplier, it being against restaurant policy regarding kickbacks.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x05

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x05_0

The Dominators By Norman Ashby 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: SAUCER TOBA: Quark, kill! (The robots power units sing with glee as it discharges both its force weapons into Balan. He gives a horrible scream and falls to the floor, dead.) TOBA: You! You're next, you know the boy, where is he? (The Doctor faces Toba in silence.) TOBA: Answer or you will die! Quark..! RAGO: Toba! What is the meaning of this? Explain! (Toba turns to see Rago looking at him with a face like thunder.) TOBA: We were being attacked and a Quark was destroyed; it was an emergency. RAGO: Emergency? A few hostile primitives manage to destroy a Quark and you expend time and power chasing them! TOBA: Don't you see... RAGO: Why has the drilling stopped? Are you finished? TOBA: All four perimeter bores are complete! RAGO: And the centre bore? TOBA: The centre bore is... RAGO: Not even started! The Quarks power cells are dangerously low, and yet you send them scuttling all over this island on a pointless search and killing harmless aliens! TOBA: I considered it was my..! RAGO: Silence! Have the rockets been inserted into the perimeter boreholes yet? TOBA: No. RAGO: Do it! Is the seed device at a critical mass? TOBA: There has not been enough time! RAGO: Time?! You have jeopardised this most vital part of the Dominator's war mission, you will remain on this planet and die with it! TOBA: Navigator Rago I have been..but..but! RAGO: You are useless unless you obey the Navigator's orders! Now check that seed device. (The Doctor skips out of the way as Toba sweeps past him to check a device the size and shape of a silvery ostrich egg, nestled safely within a transparent crystal box.) ZOE: Oh! RAGO: Well? TOBA: Seed device is almost at critical mass. RAGO: You are fortunate Toba. (The Doctor stands silent, taking advantage of his "worthless simpleton" status to earwig unchallenged.) RAGO: Now, time is running short. You must complete the operation with maximum speed. Has there been a reply from fleet leader concerning the potential use of slave labour force? TOBA: I will check RAGO: No, I will. Take these aliens and place them under guard. Complete the centre borehole and place rockets in all perimeter holes, understood? TOBA: Command accepted. (He moves off.) RAGO: Recall all Quarks from this ridiculous search and conserve their power. We can afford no more delays. [SCENE_BREAK] 2, EXT: SANDY PASS (A pursuing Quark's energy banks giggle as the force weapons fire off two rounds that explode in the sand at the heels of Jamie and Cully as they run across the dunes. They run up an incline and over the other side, skidding to a halt as they scan the ground below.) CULLY: That was too close for comfort, they're all around us. JAMIE: Aye. CULLY: Wait a minute, they're leaving I think - look! (Below them three Quarks solemnly march away.) JAMIE: Hey you're right. Come on, let's get back to the shelter while there's still a chance. (They scramble back the way they came) [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: SHELTER (Jamie and Cully descend the ladder.) JAMIE: Alright Cully? CULLY: Yes. JAMIE: I've unblocked that ventilator shaft, at least we can breathe now. CULLY: Oh I haven't had so much running about for years! Still, it was worth it. (Cully collapses on the bunk puffing with exhaustion.) JAMIE: Aye, we certainly stirred them up didn't we? Anyway, we'll lie low a wee while and then nip out and get us another Quark. CULLY: Oh, you don't believe in half measures do you? JAMIE: Well it's important to keep the enemy guessing. Oh I wish we had some food though, I'm fair famished. CULLY: Hold on, I seem to remember... JAMIE: What? (Cully rummages in the nearby storage locker.) CULLY: Yes, survival kit. JAMIE: Mm? CULLY: Goes with the shelter; food, medicines, all that sort of thing. (He places a box on the nearby table and examines the contents.) CULLY: Ah! (He extracts a long waxy slab of pasty nougat-looking comestible.) JAMIE: Well what's that? CULLY: Try it. (Jamie nibbles a corner with obvious distaste.) CULLY: Basic nutriments. Vitamins, carbohydrates, proteins - you can live on it for years! JAMIE: Oh, I hope I'll not need to do that. Here did you unblock that periscope? CULLY: Yes. JAMIE: Good, let's see if we were followed. (The periscope gives an ancient creak as he pulls it down from the ceiling and turns it, squinting into the viewer to examine the outside surroundings.) CULLY: Hey Cully would you look who's here! (Cully replaces Jamie, and sees the Doctor, Kando, Teel and a Quark.) JAMIE OOV: Any Quarks? CULLY OOV: Yes, one. JAMIE OOV: Uh. (Cully turns a little more to the left and sees Toba and two more Quarks working the ultrasonic drill.) CULLY OOV: No there's more...can't quite see but I think they're working at something just outside the building. JAMIE: Let's have a look. (He takes Cully's place.) JAMIE: Aye, they don't seem to have harmed anybody. CULLY: Well Balan isn't there. (Jamie folds up the periscope handles and pushes it towards the ceiling.) JAMIE: Aye, he's probably working somewhere else. Look Cully... CULLY: What now? JAMIE: We can't just let them stay up there can we? CULLY: Well what can we do? JAMIE: Get them down here with us. CULLY: But what about the Quarks? JAMIE: Well we'll... CULLY: Here we go again! But how? JAMIE: Ah well, don't know yet. Er... (He paces the floor chewing his finger in thought, his gaze falling upon the bunk.) JAMIE: Ah, wait a minute! (He pulls off the sheet and examines it thoughtfully.) JAMIE: Ah...yes. [SCENE_BREAK] 4, EXT: DRILLING SITE TOBA: Operate! (The sonic drill glows harshly as the two Quarks divert their fizzing, sparkling energy into it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5, EXT: RUINED MUSEUM (The Doctor, Zoe sit beside one of the remaining walls, beneath the map of the island with the hole neatly lasered into it. In a corner a Quark stands guard over them, Kando and Teel are slouched not far away.) ZOE: Doctor? DOCTOR: Mm? ZOE: What are they doing? DOCTOR: They're drilling. ZOE: Well yes, I know that, but what for? DOCTOR: Mm? I don't think they want to take something out of the earth Zoe, rather put something into it. ZOE: Well what? DOCTOR: Well, if I'm right... Oh no! (The Doctor has seen Jamie's head pop up from the rubble several feet away, with Cully in his wake. Jamie swings a rolled up sheet like a rope, trying to get it over the head of the nearby Quark, but twice he misses. He decides to kneel silently behind the machine and ties the sheet around it's legs. As the Quark burbles to itself Doctor appears from the ruined doorway.) DOCTOR: Ah, excuse me, I wonder... QUARK: DO NOT MOVE! DOCTOR: Oh...oh! (The Quark tries to walk towards the Doctor, but it's legs don't move. Jamie gives the robot a shove from behind and it keels over pitifully wailing it's alarm cry. As Jamie sits on the robot to keep it from swinging round to shoot anyone, the Doctor, Zoe and the others rush past.) JAMIE: Right Cully! (Cully throws another sheet other the robot's head.) CULLY: Quick follow me! JAMIE: Doctor, come! Move on! CULLY: Quick! (In moments the others scamper to freedom, a few seconds later Jamie rushes after them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6, EXT: DRILLING SITE TOBA: Cease drilling, a Quark is being attacked! Follow! (The two Quarks obey, and they move off. Not far away a hatch in the floor of the ruins silently closes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: SHELTER (The Doctor descends the ladder.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8, EXT: RUINED MUSEUM TOBA: Quarks search and destroy! (Toba pulls the sheet from around the neck of the Quark and rights it, the alarm stops.) TOBA: Quark, where are the prisoners? QUARK: MEMBER OUT OF ACTION, NO RECORDED DATA. TOBA: They can't be far away, they must be hiding. Quarks, search and destroy! RAGO: Command countermanded! Why has the drilling stopped again Toba? TOBA: The prisoners have attacked a Quark and escaped! RAGO: And once again you drop everything to hunt them! I have just completed calculating the remaining power levels of the Quark force; thanks to your foolish actions they are dangerously low! All efforts must now be concentrated on completing our mission! TOBA: And if they attack us again? RAGO: The Quark's power must be conserved. Complete the drilling operation! TOBA: Command accepted. RAGO: Toba. The primitives will not go unpunished. Fleet leader has just confirmed the Dulcians are unsuitable for slave labour. They will die with their planet. TOBA: Good! So the sooner we complete the drilling operations the sooner they will die. [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: SHELTER (The Doctor and Jamie descend, looking nervously upwards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10, EXT: RUINED MUSEUM TOBA: Quark, follow! (The Quarks bibble and move back to the drilling site with him. Rago glares curiously around, then follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: SHELTER (Jamie steps from the ladder.) CULLY: They've gone. DOCTOR: It was very rash of you Jamie, those Quarks are appallingly dangerous. JAMIE: Och they're not so terrible. CULLY: You know, we dropped a rock on one earlier. JAMIE: Aye. CULLY: Hey where's Balan? Why wasn't he... TEEL: He's dead Cully, the Dominators killed him. CULLY: Oh no! If only we'd managed to get him away too. KANDO: You did your best Cully. TEEL: It's thanks to you and Jamie that the rest of us are safe. (The Doctor looks glum.) DOCTOR: I'm afraid not. Nowhere on the island is safe; nowhere on the entire planet come to that! JAMIE: You see we heard the Dominators say that the Dulcians were unsuitable for slave labour. TEEL: But then they'll leave us in peace! JAMIE: Well, no. They said you'd all die with your planet. KANDO: Surely they don't mean to destroy Dulkis completely? DOCTOR: I'm afraid they do. TEEL: But why, what do they want? DOCTOR: A large amount of fuel for their invasion fleet. ZOE: But we know that there are no minerals worth having, at least not on this side of the planet. DOCTOR: They're not mining for minerals or any natural fuel source. ZOE: But their spaceships use atomic power, we've established that. DOCTOR: But there was no reactor in their ship of theirs, only a radiation storage unit. You remember how, when they landed it sucked up all the radioactive dust from the island. ZOE: Yes. So you're saying that they store radioactive particles and then convert that energy into power. DOCTOR: Exactly! ZOE: But then why are they drilling? DOCTOR: Look, I'll show you. (Digging a piece of chalk from his breast pocket he draws four circles in a diamond pattern upon the metal table.) DOCTOR: There are four drill holes here, here, here and here. And one drill hole in the centre. (He adds a circle.) DOCTOR: Now then, they have rockets mounted in each of these drill holes, and the centre hole is probably for that atomic seed device. JAMIE: Oh. DOCTOR: W-well don't you see? They've chosen this spot because the crust of the planet is thin. (He adds a thin strip beneath the diamond pattern.) DOCTOR: They're going to fire the rockets through the crust into the magma, the molten core. (He finishes the diagram by drawing a V-shape down through the crust from the centre hole, and scribbling to indicate the mighty forces of the planetary core.) ZOE: Then that will almost certainly fracture the crust of the planet. DOCTOR: Exactly. ZOE: But that would create a volcano; and if they explode the atomic seed device in the middle of that... DOCTOR: Yes, that's right Zoe. The whole planet will become one vast molten mass of radioactive material - the fuel store for their fleet! JAMIE: Well we'll just...have to stop them then. DOCTOR: Oh Jamie, it's not as simple as that is it? If only I could get hold of that atomic seed device I-I might be able to defuse it. ZOE: Yes. Then there'd only be a local volcanic eruption on the island. DOCTOR: Yeah... ZOE: How can we get to the device? DOCTOR: Yes, that's the problem. JAMIE: Doctor, I've just had an idea. DOCTOR: Shush a minute Jamie, I'm trying to think. JAMIE: Yes I know that but... ZOE: Oh Jamie! CULLY: Will you listen to me?! Now look, there's a dead easy way to get that device thing. ZOE: Really? JAMIE: Yes! You said they were going to drop it down the centre hole, the one they're drilling outside here. DOCTOR: Yes. (He sounds exasperated.) JAMIE: Well it's simple isn't it? All we've got to do is dig a tunnel through from here to the borehole and catch the seed device thing on it's way down! (There is a pause.) JAMIE: Oh, well it was just an idea... DOCTOR: But Jamie... It's a brilliant idea! It's so simple only you could have thought of it. JAMIE: Oh! (He grins, then thinks about the words a little more carefully.) JAMIE: ...Eh? ZOE: We can get the direction from the periscope, just line it up with the drilling site. DOCTOR: Yes, there's only one snag though - could we complete the tunnel in time? It'd have to be twelve feet long or more. JAMIE: Well Cully and I could delay the Dominators' work up there. ZOE: How? JAMIE: Oh, we're getting very good at destroying Quarks aren't we? CULLY: Yes, certainly seems to stop them working. DOCTOR: Yes, that's true - but you've been lucky so far. If only I could devise some sort of weapon for you... Ah, is anything down here, Cully? CULLY: No, doubt it. Nothing but survival rations and medical kits. DOCTOR: Medical kit, ooh. It's surprising what you can do with a few simple chemicals and a little ingenuity. Now come on, we must dig this tunnel! JAMIE: Huh. DOCTOR: Zoe, give us a direction will you? ZOE: Right. Er, on a line from...here! DOCTOR: Right! We start there tunnel there. Get that bunk away come on. (Teel and Cully move the bunk away from the wall.) JAMIE: That's it Cully, I'll start it off with a knife, now... This line here. (He begins to chip at the concrete with his dirk, to little effect.) DOCTOR: I think you'd better let me start it, Jamie. JAMIE: How are you gonna dig through there with your sonic screwdriver? DOCTOR: A little more than a screwdriver, just watch this. (As the others look on, he gives his small pencil-torch sized device a twist and aims it at the wall of the shelter. A harsh beam of light issues from the end and the concrete blisters and disintegrates in a neat line.) TEEL: He's got the technology to do that? JAMIE: Yes. KANDO: It's burning straight through! JAMIE: Aye, the Doctor's very good. (In moments the hole in the wall is almost cut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12, EXT: DRILLING SITE TOBA: Cease drilling. RAGO: Report progress. TOBA: Proceeding as planned. Operation will be completed on schedule. RAGO: Good. All rockets are now in position, no further sign of the aliens? TOBA: No. RAGO: Good. Continue. Inform me when you are ready for the seed device. TOBA: Command accepted. [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: SHELTER (Kando and Teel work digging the sandy tunnel beyond the hole in the concrete wall, Jamie and Cully impatiently watch as the Doctor and Zoe add different amounts of medicines and cleaning chemicals to a beaker.) JAMIE: Oh we can't wait much longer. CULLY: What's the Doctor trying to do? JAMIE: I've no idea. (He approaches the table where the Doctor is working, as Zoe stirs the beaker of suspicious looking browny-grey powder.) JAMIE: Look Doctor, I-I don't think we should wait you know! DOCTOR: Hang on Jamie this is ready. Now if this works you should have a good chance of distracting the Quarks, and maybe even destroying one or two of them. Right come on Zoe let's try it. ZOE: What, in here? DOCTOR: Yes, in here. There you are. Just a bit. ZOE: Alright. (He offers her a small self-sealing vial into which she tips a small amount of the powder.) DOCTOR: Whoah-whoah, that'll do. Now then Jamie, all you've got to do is to add one of these little number nine pills to each bottle just before you throw it, like that. (He drops a small white pill into the vial, seals it and raises a cautionary finger.) DOCTOR: But whatever you do, and this is important, you must throw it before ten seconds have elapsed, otherwise you're liable to blow up with... JAMIE: Seven...eight... Doctor! DOCTOR: What? Whoah! (He tosses the vial into a far corner of the shelter where it erupts violently into a shower of sparks and a puff of smoke. The Doctor laughs delightedly and hops around waving his arms.) DOCTOR: It works! JAMIE: You could have blown us all to kingdom come! DOCTOR: No-no-no Jamie, that was just a small quantity. But with ten times that amount you should have quite a handy little bomb! (He grins mischievously around.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14, EXT: SANDY INCLINE (Jamie and Cully skid to a halt overlooking two giggling Quarks as they drill.) JAMIE: Two each side. CULLY: Yes. Where do we start? JAMIE: Well one of the Quark's as good as another. Come on. (The duo move back up the incline until they can see the other side. On narrow pass below three Quarks slowly trudge. Lying low on their vantage point, Jamie motions to Cully who pops a pill into the vial, seals and hands it to Jamie who in turn throws it at the path of the metal trio.) JAMIE: Two...three...four...five... (With an enormous crump the explosive goes off seconds too early. The centre Quark is knocked backwards by the explosion, teeters on it's legs and collapses wailing it's distress siren.) JAMIE: Not quite. Quick, another one! (The Quarks move to examine their fallen sister. Cully hands Jamie another vial which he tosses into the middle of the static target. There is a titanic explosion and all three Quarks are instantly rent to smithereens leaving little more than a few robot parts and smoking metal feet.) JAMIE: That's it! Quick, round the other side. [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: SAUCER (On the wall of the saucer, the illuminated display of the active Quarks begins to wail in a warning siren. One of the Quark symbols begins to flicker. Rago descends the central dais and examines the atomic seed device in it's protective casing. There is a distant sound of an explosion and two more Quark emergency lights begin to wail and flicker. Rago stalks from the saucer with a murderous look.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16, EXT: DRILLING SITE (Toba hears the explosions and excitedly leaps into action.) TOBA: Cease drilling. Quarks, search and des... (But after a moments thought he scowls.) TOBA: Wait! Continue working. [SCENE_BREAK] 17, INT: SHELTER (Zoe has been watching Toba through the periscope.) ZOE: They've started again. DOCTOR: Oh dear, it's obviously going to take quite a disturbance to stop them drilling. Er, Teel? (He moves to the hole in the wall.) DOCTOR: Teel, how far have you got? TEEL: A little bit further than my own length. DOCTOR: Teel, come out and take a rest. Zoe, your turn. Come on. ZOE: I hope Jamie and Cully are alright. (The sound of an explosion is heard not too far away and the Doctor chuckles.) DOCTOR: Sounds as though they're having great fun. [SCENE_BREAK] 18, EXT: SANDY CLIFF (Jamie and Cully run along the top, and round a twisting path that leads a little way down. Staying close to the sharp bank of sand, Jamie throws another vial into three more Quarks as they march below. They burble to themselves, but continue to advance. Another explosion goes off to the left, but they ignore it) [SCENE_BREAK] 19, EXT: DRILLING SITE (Rago approaches.) TOBA: Cease drilling. RAGO: Two more Quarks have been destroyed. TOBA: You should have let me destroy the aliens! RAGO: Silence! We have eight Quarks left, but their power levels are very low. Do your two Quarks have sufficient power to complete the drilling? TOBA: Quarks check power levels and report. QUARK ONE: POWER LEVEL TWO UNITS ONLY QUARK TWO: POWER LEVEL FIVE UNITS ONLY TOBA: Equalise. (The two Quarks grip each other by the claws and in a rippling burst they even their power.) TOBA: They will have enough for drilling. RAGO: Good. Continue operations. (Rago stalks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20, EXT: SANDY INCLINE JAMIE: They've started drilling again! Look, we've got to stop them somehow. CULLY: Now that's going to be tricky. JAMIE: I know, but the others need more time! Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 21, INT: SHELTER (Kando and Teel help Zoe as she struggles from the hole in the wall.) ZOE: Oh...ooh, we must be merely six feet or so from the borehole, I can hear their drill. DOCTOR: Yes, but they must be nearly finished by now! TEEL: Right, I'll take another turn. ZOE: Any sign of Jamie and Cully? DOCTOR: No, still up there. Unfortunately they're taking a bit... (There is a far louder sound of an explosive blast, and the whole shelter shakes. Zoe squeals and clutches the Doctor who seems more amused than anything.) DOCTOR: Whoah-ho-ho! ZOE: That was close! (The Doctor grins up at the ceiling as Zoe moves to the periscope.) DOCTOR: Yes. (Looking through the periscope Zoe sees the drill has turned over and squashed one of the Quarks which is belching a pall of fresh smoke. The blast also seems to have thrown Toba to the ground.) ZOE OOV: I think they've attacked the drilling Quark! KANDO OOV: Has the drilling stopped? ZOE OOV: I think...yes! KANDO OOV: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 22, EXT: DRILLING SITE RAGO: Toba! (Toba scrambles to his feet.) TOBA: Ah, these primitives again! You see what damage they're doing with their primitive explosives? We must destroy them! RAGO: Replace the Quark! Continue operation! You will not be interrupted anymore. I will personally destroy these primitives. Quark, follow! (Rago's Quark bibbles and obeys.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23, EXT: SANDY PASS (Cully and Jamie run along the pass, straight into the path of two Quarks.) JAMIE: Back! (They rush back, but run into three capturing them in a pincer movement.) CULLY: It's no good! Trapped. JAMIE: Up here. Quarks can't climb - I hope. (They desperately climb up the bank as Rago joins the three Quarks.) RAGO: Quarks, destroy. (Two explosions of force rip past Jamie and Cully as they climb.) RAGO: Recharge force units. Reason for failure? QUARK: POWER LEVELS LOW. DISTANCE TOO GREAT FOR ACCURATE AIM. RAGO: Keep order. Destroy. (Cully cries out as he gets hit by the force charge.) JAMIE: Right Cully, I think we're safe now. CULLY: Wait! It's my arm, I can't move it, nor my leg. You'd better leave me behind. JAMIE: Now don't be ridiculous, I'll give you help. CULLY: Those Quarks will be after us in no time! JAMIE: Aye. How many of those bombs have you got left? (Rago stares up at Jamie and Cully in the distance.) RAGO: Quarks, form a flank movement round this area. Disperse. (The lead robot chitters as they move to obey.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24, INT: SHELTER (Teel carries off a sheet full of sand and the Doctor emerges from the hole.) ZOE: Doctor, they've started drilling again! The blast didn't destroy that Quark and Toba's managed to get the drill working again! DOCTOR: Yes, I know, I can hear it up there. We must be pretty near. Ssh. (The Doctor looks worried for a moment and the all rush to the ladder as they see the hatch moving open.) JAMIE: Doctor, help him, he's hurt! (As they see Jamie's face they give a collective sigh and spring into action.) DOCTOR: What happened? JAMIE: He was hit by a Quark, lucky for him its power levels were low. DOCTOR: My word, lucky indeed! Come along, down you come. That's right Cully. Get over to the bunk, get the table out of the way. Here...there we are, it's all right Cully. Sit down, mind your head. There we are, there...now then. CULLY: My arm seems to be paralysed. DOCTOR: Can you move your fingers? (He manages a feeble movement from his battered arm.) DOCTOR: Ah...you're lucky. I think it's only temporary paralysis. CULLY: Oh don't worry about me; get on with the tunnel. DOCTOR: Thanks to you and Jamie it's nearly finished. (Zoe has been looking through the periscope.) ZOE: Doctor, I think the Dominators have finished drilling too. DOCTOR: What?! We've still got a few feet left! (He rushes over and leaps into the hole.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25, EXT: DRILLING SITE RAGO: Have you finished? TOBA: Yes, just completed. RAGO: Good! I shall enjoy destroying this planet and its creatures. Get the seed device, we will delay no longer! [SCENE_BREAK] 26, INT: SHELTER (The Doctor, Kando and Teel gaze into the tunnel.) DOCTOR: Can you see the borehole yet Jamie? JAMIE: Ceiling keeps caving in. (Zoe turns the periscope slightly.) ZOE: They're back! Toba's bringing the seed device. DOCTOR: Oh dear. JAMIE: I'm through! [SCENE_BREAK] 27, EXT: SAUCER RAGO: You will recall all Quarks from their positions and prepare the craft for take off. TOBA: Command accepted. RAGO: I will insert the seed device. Prime the rockets at perimeter boreholes. TOBA: Command accepted. RAGO: I would soon see this planet die and it's creatures with it. TOBA: Shall I report to fleet leader? RAGO: Inform him the Dominator fleet may approach, and it refuel in orbit. TOBA: Command accepted. Quark, follow. (The robot giggles and trails behind.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28, INT: SHELTER (Zoe is still at the periscope, the Doctor has replaced Jamie on the tunnel.) ZOE: Quickly Doctor, he's taking the device out of it's case now. Oh Jamie, he'll be too late! He's putting it in now. (She watches Rago pause for a moment, then drop the seed device into the hole.) ZOE: It's gone! (Zoe rushes to join to the others assembled around the hole.) DOCTOR OOV: Oh...ooh! JAMIE: Doctor, have you caught it? ZOE: Oh Doctor! TEEL: Great tunnelling Doctor! JAMIE: Quick, out. Well? (The Doctor scrambles out of the hole. Moments later he withdraws the primed thermonuclear device from within his jacket as if it were nothing more than a football. There is the sound of sighs and relived laughter as the silvery egg in his hands continues to hum ominously.) KANDO: Oh thank goodness! (She moves over to happily link arms with Teel.) TEEL: We're saved then! DOCTOR: Now that's just it. I've still got to defuse it before they explode it. Oh. Oho-ho my word! (He turns the device over in his hands.) ZOE: What? DOCTOR: Well it's sealed, it's completely sealed! I can't possibly undo it! JAMIE: You mean all that was for nothing? W-we're still gonna get blown up?! DOCTOR: Yes I'm afraid so, unless I can think of some way of getting it off the planet without a... JAMIE: H-h-have you thought of something? DOCTOR: Well there is a way of getting it off the planet without it doing any harm to any of us at all... (He looks thoughtful.) ZOE: Well how? DOCTOR: Ha! But it's not going to be easy... JAMIE: W-what're you gonna do? DOCTOR: Now just leave it to me Jamie, mm? You and Zoe go back to the TARDIS. Teel take Kando and Cully and get them to the capsule and go to the Capitol. Tell them that there'll be a minor volcanic eruption, but with any luck nothing more violent. JAMIE: But what're you going to..? DOCTOR: Now-now-now there isn't time Jamie! Now come along! (They all rush towards the ladder.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29, EXT: SAUCER RAGO: Is all prepared? TOBA: Yes, just two more Quarks to arrive. RAGO: Start take off procedure. TOBA: Command accepted! (They move through the open doorway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30, EXT: SANDY PLAIN (The Doctor runs flat out across the island, once or twice almost dropping the deadly seed device.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31, EXT: SAUCER (As the last Quark is embarking the Doctor sneakily nips in behind it, unseen. Silently, he places the seed device down with great care on the floor of the ship, just inside the inner door. As he pauses to admire his handiwork he almost gets caught on board as the external doors close, but manages to struggle through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32, INT: SAUCER (Rago and Toba are at the consoles of their ship, too engrossed in their tasks to notice anything else.) TOBA: All Quarks now accounted for. RAGO: Power level? TOBA: Capacity for lift off. RAGO: Electromagnetic field, contact! TOBA: All systems functioning. RAGO: Proceed with lift off! [SCENE_BREAK] 33, MODEL SHOT: SAUCER (Glinting dully in the afternoon sun, the silvery saucer lifts off from the planets surface in a blast of dust, the spindly legs retracting as it soars high into the air.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34, EXT: EASTERN ROCKFACE (Jamie and Zoe are nervously standing by the doorway waiting for the end of the island.) ZOE: Oh where is he? JAMIE: The Dominator's ship, it's away! ZOE: Oh! JAMIE: Oh where's the Doctor? (The Doctor cannons into them from behind, skidding to a halt and panting heavily from running all the way to and from the Dominators' ship.) ZOE: Doctor! JAMIE: Hey, where's the bomb thing? ZOE: Oh, did you get rid of it? JAMIE: Oh where is it? DOCTOR: Y'askmanyquestionz...there's no time. JAMIE: What? (Long whistle like a steam train as jets of gas fire from the perimeter boreholes.) ZOE: What's that? DOCTOR: It's the rockets in the other perimeter holes. Come along we'd better get inside the TARDIS there's going to be an almight...Whoah-ohhh! JAMIE: Oh! ZOE: Umph! (A sudden earthquake knocks them all to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35, INT: SAUCER (As the ship banks slightly to escape the atmosphere Rago observes the seed device roll across the floor with rising horror.) RAGO: Toba! Stop the countdown. TOBA: Impossible, countdown has already started! RAGO: OBEYYY! [SCENE_BREAK] 36, MODEL SHOT: SAUCER (Having just escaped the atmosphere of Dulkis, the Dominator saucer explodes harmlessly in a radioactive flash of smoke and flame.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37, EXT: EASTERN ROCKFACE JAMIE: Doctor come on will ye, the whole place is gonna blow up! DOCTOR: Oh it's quite alright Jamie, the planet is quite safe, there's only going to be a localised eruption - it'll only affect the island. (He beams idly on.) JAMIE: Maybe so, but we happen to be on the island! DOCTOR: Oh my word! Oh-oh! (They both rush for the door of the TARDIS as creamy rivers of molten rock gush and bubble their way hungrily towards them...)

Jamie and Cully manage to rescue the Doctor's party and together they try to find a way to stop the Dominators before they destroy the entire planet.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x38

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x38_0

THE EVIL OF THE DALEKS Original Broadcast: May 27, 1967 Repeat broadcast: June 15th, 1968 Running Time: 25:09 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. HIDDEN ROOM IN WATERFIELD'S STUDY DALEK: Who are you? Who are you? Answer! (KENNEDY looks in terror at the creature, and turns to run. As he reaches the door, though, the DALEK fires, and with a scream of agony, KENNEDY slumps to the ground, dead. The DALEK steps back into the transmat device and dematerializes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. WATERFIELD'S STORE (The DOCTOR and JAMIE enter the store at the front of WATERFIELD's house, carefully silencing the bell as they enter.) JAMIE: I don't know what you're being so cautious abo... (As JAMIE is talking rather loudly, the DOCTOR quietens him.) DOCTOR: Shhh! JAMIE: (Quietly.) They left the door open for us, didn't they? Hey, it's half past the nine o'clock. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. JAMIE: But they made the appointment for ten. Why have we come early? DOCTOR: The early bird catches the worm, Jamie. Now, do be quiet, there's a good chap. And for heaven's sake, don't knock into anything. (Just as he says this, the DOCTOR knocks over a statue, not noticing he has done so, and JAMIE has to catch it to prevent it from falling over.) DOCTOR: Shhh! (JAMIE then picks something up from a nearby shelf and shows it to the DOCTOR.) JAMIE: Any good, this? DOCTOR: It's interesting. In fact, Jamie, it's quite remarkable. JAMIE: Hey Doctor, you know you told me outside it said "Genuine Victorian Antiques"? Well, all the stuff in here's brand new. DOCTOR: Hmm, you've noticed that. JAMIE: Of course I did. The man's a rogue. DOCTOR: Yes, so it seems. Except... JAMIE: Except what? DOCTOR: Except that all these things are not reproductions. They're all genuine. JAMIE: Now, that's ridiculous! DOCTOR: Here, look at this. (He opens a box, finding what seems to be a bill.) DOCTOR: (Reads it aloud.) "To one deed box four guineas." This is a bill from William Dearing and Son, eighteen sixty-six. JAMIE: Then it's a forgery. DOCTOR: Yes. If you were going to make a forgery, wouldn't you try to dirty it up a bit - yellow the edges, crinkle it up? This is brand new. JAMIE: I've got an idea. DOCTOR: What? JAMIE: All the stuff in here is genuine... DOCTOR: Yes. JAMIE: ...but brand new. DOCTOR: Well done. JAMIE: But that is impossible unless Waterfield could've invented a time machine like the TARDIS, Doctor, and he's bringing all this stuff back from Victorian times. DOCTOR: But it's not very likely, is it? The only way to find out is to ask Waterfield. (They move towards a nearby door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. WATERFIELD'S STUDY (WATERFIELD enters his study, then seeing that the door to his secret room is open, he continues into the hidden room, finding the DALEK standing over KENNEDY's body.) WATERFIELD: Kennedy! What happened? DALEK: The human discovered our communications system. WATERFIELD: And you murdered him!? DALEK: He would have betrayed us. WATERFIELD: You don't have to kill! DALEK: Silence! WATERFIELD: I won't be silent! What are you dragging me into? You've destroyed a human life. Don't you understand that? DALEK: That is of no consequence. WATERFIELD: No consequence? DALEK: There is only one form of life that matters - Dalek life! Obey your orders, Waterfield! (The DALEK re-enters the transmat and dematerializes.) WATERFIELD: No, wait, wait! What am I to do with the body? I can't! I can't go on with this. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. WATERFIELD'S STORE (JAMIE and the DOCTOR are at the door to the house, attempting to pick the lock with a wire they apparently found nearby.) DOCTOR: I'm sure I heard somebody shouting. Jamie, we've got to get in there. JAMIE: What about the wire? DOCTOR: No, it's too pliable. (He stops as they hear someone coming and hide behind a display. PERRY enters, attempting to be stealthy, but the DOCTOR and JAMIE surprise him.) DOCTOR: Boo! (PERRY jumps into a different dimension.) PERRY: Oh! What are you doing here? DOCTOR: You made the appointment. PERRY: For ten o'clock. DOCTOR: Yes, well, we thought we'd be early. What are you doing here? PERRY: I work here. JAMIE: Then what are you creeping about for? (PERRY cannot think of a response to this.) PERRY: Umm... JAMIE: Aye... DOCTOR: Yes, I think you've got some explaining to do, Mr. Kenneth Perry! PERRY: My name isn't Kenneth, it's Keith. Now look - I... I don't understand. DOCTOR: So, it's Keith. Hmm. Do you know a man called Bob Hall? PERRY: Well, he's a man Mr. Waterfield employs. DOCTOR: Well, he keeps some very rough company, including a man called Ken. (This name seems familiar to PERRY, as he ponders it out loud.) PERRY: Ken? Kennedy? DOCTOR: What? What do you know about Kennedy? PERRY: Oh, wait a minute. This is all too quick for me. Look, I'll answer your questions, if you'll answer mine. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. WATERFIELD'S HIDDEN ROOM (WATERFIELD holds a picture of the DOCTOR, which he tears in two - half of it he places in the dead hands of KENNEDY, the other half he places inside a box, which he puts just inside the Dalek transport platform.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. WATERFIELD'S STORE PERRY: This old police box was for a collector of curios. DOCTOR: But it belongs to me! PERRY: But why is it so important to you? DOCTOR: Because... because of what's inside it and because it happens to be my property! JAMIE: Look, where is it? PERRY: At the back. DOCTOR: Well, is there another way through? This door is locked. PERRY: We might be able to get over the yard gates. You see, this door has an electric lock on it. DOCTOR: You're going to show me where this yard of yours is. PERRY: I say, if it's a police box, shouldn't we get the police? (The door leading to WATERFIELD's study opens. JAMIE notices and points it out to the DOCTOR.) JAMIE: Doctor... (They head through the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. WATERFIELD'S STUDY (They enter WATERFIELD's study and find KENNEDY's body.) PERRY: That's Kennedy! (The DOCTOR checks for a pulse, but does not find one.) DOCTOR: He's dead! (PERRY runs to the phone, frantically dialling.) JAMIE: What are you doing? PERRY: Getting the police. What...? (He replaces the phone, which doesn't seem to be working.) PERRY: I don't think we ought to touch anything. I'll be as quick as I can. (He leaves.) JAMIE: Should we have let him go? DOCTOR: He's doing the right thing. JAMIE: But the TARDIS...? DOCTOR: Yes, we'll have to find it before he comes back. Now, I wonder what this telephone interference is. JAMIE: Looks like Waterfield's cleared out. DOCTOR: Why make an appointment to see us at ten? JAMIE: Well, obviously, he didn't know he was going to have a fight with Kennedy. Aw, come on Doctor, lets find the TARDIS and go! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, the TARDIS. Now, how did he die? His limbs are stiff; his hands clenched. Look, he died in horrible agony. Look at his face. Hello...? (He finds half of a picture of himself.) JAMIE: What? It's your picture! DOCTOR: Yes. Now, he fell like that with his arm stretched out. Jamie, go out into the hall and measure the length of it up to the door here. (JAMIE goes into the hall, announcing the final number of paces.) JAMIE: ...fourteen, ...fifteen. DOCTOR: Well, it's only five from the door to the wall. There must be another room behind here. (They quickly search the shelf, removing book after book until they find a keyhole in the panel behind them.) JAMIE: Hey Doctor, there's a keyhole! DOCTOR: Yes, you're right. Now, Waterfield would have the key. We've got to find something to prise it open with. (The door opens by itself. They go inside, not noticing WATERFIELD sneak into the study behind them. The DOCTOR sees the Dalek Transmat machine) DOCTOR: Well, look at this. That's where your telephone interference is coming from. Oh, yes, this is interesting. (JAMIE sees a box, with the other half of the DOCTOR's photograph sticking out from underneath the lid.) JAMIE: Hey, the other half of your picture. DOCTOR: Yes. Don't open that! (JAMIE lifts the lid on the box, releasing a gas which quickly renders both of them unconscious. WATERFIELD races into the room, enters a few numbers on the Dalek platform's keypad, and the three of them disappear.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. WATERFIELD'S STORE (PERRY enters the front door, with policemen from Scotland Yard in tow.) PERRY: This way, along here. (He leads them into WATERFIELD's study, where KENNEDY's body still lies.) PERRY: Here we are. Hmm, that's funny. There were a couple of other gentlemen here. They seem to have disappeared! [SCENE_BREAK] 9. MAXTIBLE'S SITTING ROOM (The DOCTOR and JAMIE are lying in a finely decorated Victorian-era sitting room. The DOCTOR begins to wake up.) DOCTOR: (Moaning.) Oh, oh'ff, ohh, ohh, mmm... (Three knocks are heard on the door. A young maid enters, carrying a tray with some kind of drink.) MOLLIE: Hello sir. Are you feeling better? Oh, you did have a party last night, didn't you sir? (Giggles.) The master sent this in for you. DOCTOR: The master? Mr. Waterfield? MOLLIE: Oh, no sir, Mr. Maxtible. Mr. Waterfield came back from abroad last night, sir, with you and the young gentleman. Don't you remember? DOCTOR: Not very well, no. (He drinks the liquid and finds that it quickly helps to clear his mind, making him moan with pleasure.) DOCTOR: Oh! (MOLLIE looks at JAMIE, who is still unconscious.) MOLLIE: I'd best not wake him. DOCTOR: What's your name? MOLLIE: Mollie Dawson, sir. (The DOCTOR indicates the drink MOLLIE has supplied him.) DOCTOR: This, uh... works remarkably quickly, doesn't it? MOLLIE: Am I to pour some more? DOCTOR: No. No thank you Mollie. But you... you can tell me what the date is. (MOLLIE has great difficulty believing that the DOCTOR does not know the date.) MOLLIE: The date? DOCTOR: Yes, I... I... I'm feeling very much better, but I don't seem to be able to remember, ah... the date and where I am. (WATERFIELD appears with another, slightly older-looking man.) MAXTIBLE: Mollie, that will do. The answers you require, sir, might come better from me. My name is Theodore Maxtible and I am the owner of this house. (The DOCTOR attempts to get up.) MAXTIBLE: Pray, don't get up. I have the greatest sympathy for your condition, since I was the cause of it. DOCTOR: And this is Mr Edward Waterfield, I presume. You don't keep your appointments, do you? WATERFIELD: There were circumstances... DOCTOR: Yes, indeed there were! MAXTIBLE: Please, please Doctor. First things first. You asked what date it was and where you were. DOCTOR: Yes, well? MAXTIBLE: You are in my house, some miles from Canterbury. The date is June the 2nd, eighteen hundred and sixty-six. DOCTOR: And just what do you think you're up to? You steal my property, you spirit Jamie and me a hundred years back in time and you murder a man along the way! MAXTIBLE: We had nothing to do with the death of that man. DOCTOR: I don't believe you! MAXTIBLE: You will believe, Doctor. We are, all of us, the victims of a higher power. A power more evil and more terrible than the human brain can imagine. DOCTOR: Power? Victims? What do you mean? WATERFIELD: They've taken my daughter Victoria. DOCTOR: Who are "they"? MAXTIBLE: You will not be kept in suspense very much longer, Doctor. Pray, come with us and we will show you how it all began. WATERFIELD: Doctor, do whatever it is they ask, I beg of you. My daughter's life is in your hands. DOCTOR: I will listen. I... I... I promise. (As they turn to leave, the DOCTOR looks up at a painting on the wall.) DOCTOR: Is, uh... is that your daughter? WATERFIELD: No sir. That is a painting of my wife as a young girl. She is dead now, rest her soul. But Victoria is the image of her. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. A ROOM IN THE WEST WING OF MAXTIBLE'S HOUSE (This is the room where VICTORIA is being held. We see her feeding the birds at a window when she hears the door open and quickly turns around to be confronted by one of her captors.) DALEK: You have not eaten. You will eat. That is an order. Answer! VICTORIA: (Obviously terrified.) Yes. DALEK: You will not feed the flying pests outside. Answer! VICTORIA: Yes. DALEK: Move to the machine. Move! (VICTORIA steps onto a machine in the corner of the room. It makes a deafening noise, finally indicating its result in incomprehensible numbers on the wall beside her.) DALEK: Move, move! The weight of your body has fallen by seventeen ounces. VICTORIA: What do you expect? What do you expect? For pity's sake let me go! DALEK: Speak when you are told to speak! More food will come. Eat it, or you will be fed by force! (Victoria sobs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. MAXTIBLE'S LAB (MAXTIBLE, WATERFIELD and the DOCTOR enter the well-equipped laboratory.) MAXTIBLE: Here we are Doctor; this is hallowed ground. Here we shall not be disturbed by the servants. DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes, very impressive. And now, perhaps you'll explain what all this is about? MAXTIBLE: Your patience, my dear sir, a little longer. DOCTOR: Patience? You don't seem to understand what's happened - a man has been murdered! You behave as though we're going on Sunday-school outing! MAXTIBLE: Neither Whitefield (sic) nor I were responsible for his death. Here, cigar? DOCTOR: Why have you brought us here? Who are these enemies of yours - these ones you say control you? MAXTIBLE: Brilliant minds, Doctor. WATERFIELD: They are monsters. MAXTIBLE: Oh, I admit, Waterfield, they have behaved callously. WATERFIELD: Inhuman monsters! DOCTOR: Inhuman? WATERFIELD: Creations of the devil! MAXTIBLE: Let me explain. DOCTOR: Please do! MAXTIBLE: I have always been fascinated by the concept of travelling through time. Waterfield here is an expert in certain technical matters and I have the money to indulge my whims. Everything you see about you here was constructed by us two. DOCTOR: To try to find a way of exploring time? MAXTIBLE: Yes, now this is my theory: a mirror reflects an image, does it not? DOCTOR: Yes. MAXTIBLE: So, you may be standing there, yet appear to be standing fifty feet away. Well, following the new investigations twelve years ago by J. Clark Maxwell into electromagnetism and the experiments by Faraday into static electricity... DOCTOR: (Suspicious.) Static? MAXTIBLE: Correct! Waterfield and I first attempted to refine the image in the mirror, and then to project it. In here, Doctor, are one hundred and forty-four separate mirrors. (MAXTIBLE shows the DOCTOR a wood-panelled double door, which apparently leads into the heart of their time travel device.) WATERFIELD: And each is of polished metal. Each is subjected to electric charges - all positive. MAXTIBLE: Like repels like in electricity, Doctor, and so next, Waterfield and I attempted to repel the image in the mirror, wherever we directed. DOCTOR: You mentioned static electricity? WATERFIELD: Uh... that was our last experiment. Negative and positive electricity had failed, so we tried static. If only we could have known the powers we were going to unleash. DOCTOR: Powers? WATERFIELD: In the middle of our final test with static, creatures burst out of the cabinet, invaded the house, took away my daughter. MAXTIBLE: Oh, my dear fellow. My dear, dear fellow. But we shall win through, now that the Doctor is here. DOCTOR: These creatures...? WATERFIELD: We had opened the way for them with our experiments. They forced me into the horror of time travel, Doctor. They ordered me to steal a box belonging to you and thus lure you into a trap and transport you here, together with your colleague Mr. McCrimmon. DOCTOR: They knew about me, these creatures? MAXTIBLE: They gave us likenesses. WATERFIELD: What could I do? They said my daughter would die. DOCTOR: (Almost frantic.) What are they called, these creatures? (The doors to the time transport cabinet open, and a figure enters from the cabinet - it is the Lead DALEK!) DALEK: Doctor, now do you understand? DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Perfectly. DALEK: Move back. Our plan has worked. We shall triumph! You will obey! You will obey! DOCTOR: Obey? Obey? What do you want? DALEK: We have your time ship. We will destroy it unless you help us with an experiment. DOCTOR: What experiment? DALEK: You will help the Daleks test another human being. DOCTOR: What sort of test? DALEK: Do not question! DOCTOR: I will not be your slave! WATERFIELD: Doctor, I beg you... DALEK: No harm will come to you if you agree. Where is your companion? DOCTOR: Jamie? WATERFIELD: He is in the house. I have done everything you asked me to. DOCTOR: Why do you ask about Jamie? DALEK: He is the human being who is to be tested. DOCTOR: What do you mean? Tested how? DALEK: Silence! You will reveal nothing to your companion. Obey the Daleks! You are in our power! (The DALEK leaves via the time transport.) DOCTOR: What have you done with your infernal meddling? (He goes and looks in the cabinet as he continues to confront MAXTIBLE and WATERFIELD.) DOCTOR: What is this test? Do either of you know? WATERFIELD: No. MAXTIBLE: I believe I do. They... I mean the Daleks, tell me they have always been defeated by human beings. DOCTOR: In the long run, yes. MAXTIBLE: But, possibly because of some factor, possessed by human beings... DOCTOR: Possibly. MAXTIBLE: ...that is absent in Daleks. DOCTOR: Possibly. MAXTIBLE: Perhaps they want to find out what it is and transplant it into their race. WATERFIELD: But if they do do that, allied with their own alien intelligence, they'll be invincible! Maxtible, you should've... MAXTIBLE: Oh, my dear fellow. I am merely surmising. I know nothing definite. But, besides, what could we have done? Even if I had known for certain, the fact was, nay is, they hold your daughter Victoria. DOCTOR: And now they've got Jamie. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. MAXTIBLE'S SITTING ROOM (MOLLIE straightens the quilt over JAMIE, just as he wakes up.) MOLLIE: Oh, I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to wake you. There. (She laughs as JAMIE attempts to sit up.) JAMIE: Oh, it's not funny. Ohh, ohh. (Groans.) (She gives JAMIE the same drink she had given the DOCTOR earlier.) MOLLIE: The master left this for you to drink, sir. This'll clear away the cobwebs. Here you are, sir. (JAMIE takes the cup and drinks.) JAMIE: Where's the Doctor? Oh. MOLLIE: He's with the master and Mr Waterfield, sir. JAMIE: Waterfield? (Another young woman enters and speaks to MOLLIE.) RUTH: Mollie? What are you doing here? MOLLIE: Just seeing to the young gentleman, miss. RUTH: Go and bring some tea. Well, go along. (MOLLIE curtsies and leaves.) RUTH: Please, Mr McCrimmon. JAMIE: You know my name? RUTH: My father told me that you and your friend arrived last night with Mr. Waterfield. JAMIE: Your father? I'm sorry but I seem to be having great difficulty in remembering anything. RUTH: He owns this house. I'm his daughter, Ruth Maxtible. JAMIE: How do you do? Have you seen the Doctor this morning? RUTH: He's talking with my father. He'll be along presently. Do you have everything you need? JAMIE: I don't know what this stuff is, but it seems to work all right. RUTH: Mollie shall bring you some tea in a minute. JAMIE: I'm obliged to you. Uh... Miss Maxtible? RUTH: Yes? (JAMIE looks up and indicates the portrait of WATERFIELD's late wife in the same way the DOCTOR had done earlier.) JAMIE: Could you tell me who that is in the portrait? RUTH: That's a portrait of Mr. Waterfield's late wife. JAMIE: She was very lovely. RUTH: Yes, and his daughter looks just like her. You're quite comfortable? JAMIE: Ah, yes. Thank you. (RUTH leaves the room. JAMIE gets up, searches through some papers on a nearby desk, locates a piece of paper with something of interest to him, and reads it aloud.) JAMIE: Eighteen sixty-six! So that's what Waterfield's done. (TOBY, a scruffy-looking intruder, sneaks into the room through the open window, and knocks JAMIE out. Hearing MOLLIE returning, he ducks behind some curtains. MOLLIE returns with Jamie's tea.) MOLLIE: Here we are sir. I've been as quick as I could. Shall I pour for you? (She sees JAMIE and assumes he has fallen back to sleep.) MOLLIE: Poor young gentleman. They shouldn't have given you so much to drink. (TOBY leaves his hiding place, slips up behind MOLLIE and grabs her, putting his hand firmly over her mouth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. MAXTIBLE'S LAB WATERFIELD: Doctor, I do ask you to consider. DOCTOR: I have made up my mind. MAXTIBLE: I've repeatedly warned you not to tell Jamie McCrimmon anything. DOCTOR: Do you think I'm going to allow Jamie to run into danger without telling him anything? No, I will not. MAXTIBLE: But suppose he refuses to do what they want? DOCTOR: We shall see. (They head off towards the sitting room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. MAXTIBLE'S SITTING ROOM (The DOCTOR and WATERFIELD return to the sitting room. A figure lies on the sofa. Unable to see his face, they assume it is the sleeping JAMIE.) DOCTOR: He's still asleep. The gas in that box of yours was pretty potent. WATERFIELD: It was Maxtible's invention. (They walk around the sofa to find that it is not JAMIE who is asleep, but instead it is MOLLIE that is unconscious under the quilt.) DOCTOR: Jamie! WATERFIELD: Mollie! [SCENE_BREAK] 15. MAXTIBLE'S LAB (A DALEK has appeared to join MAXTIBLE.) DALEK: Order the Doctor to begin the test. MAXTIBLE: But I must first explain to him what he has to do. DALEK: Go now. Obey the Daleks! [SCENE_BREAK] 16. MAXTIBLE'S SITTING ROOM WATERFIELD: But your... your friend is vital to the plan of these Daleks. Absolutely essential! DOCTOR: So it seems. So, who can have kidnapped him? WATERFIELD: Oh, why won't you understand? The threats they make are not idle ones. Kennedy was murdered. Without your friend, our only hope is gone. Unless... unless, you know something. You seem to be well acquainted with the creatures. DOCTOR: Everything you say, Waterfield, is true. If we cannot find Jamie, the Daleks will take pleasure in killing everyone in sight, and their greatest pleasure will be in killing me. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. HIDDEN ROOM DALEK 1: The humans have been told to begin the test. DALEK 2: Any delay will result in death. DALEK 1: There will be no delay.

The Doctor and Jamie investigate Waterfield's antiques shop, where they are knocked unconscious and transported back to the 19th century.

fd_True_Blood_02x03

fd_True_Blood_02x03_0

Scene 1: In the car, on the road - Bill, Sookie, Jessica Bill drives very fast. Sookie: Bill, slow down, please. Stop this. You're scaring me. Bill stops the car on the side of the road. Jessica is crying. Sookie: I'm sorry. She promised she was just gonna look in the window. I know I made a mistake, but they're her family. Bill: She is a vampire. She has no family. Jessica: I'm a monster, and I'm gonna be alone because of you. I hate you si f****** much. Bill: Be quiet. Jessica: Easy s***. Bill: I said be quiet! (To Sookie) You undermined my authority as her maker. You risked those people's safety and your own. If I had not glamoured them within an inch of their sanity, all of our lives would have been shattered. Sookie: I know. I'm sorry. Bill: You keep saying that! And I am expected to what? Forget this ever happened? Sookie: What else would you like me to say? I knew when she asked me to take her I should say no but all I could think about was Gran and what I'd get to see her again. Bill: That does not give you license to behave like an irresponsible child. She is a loaded gun, Sookie. Not a doll for you to dress up and play with. (Sookie opens the car's door) What are you doing? Sookie: Walking! She goes out of the car. Bill goes out too. Bill: Don't be ridiculous. Bon Temps is nearly 20 miles away. Sookie: I'd rather walk all night than spend another second in that car with you. She goes in the woods. Bill gets back in the car. Jessica: She wants you to go after her. And she wants you to go after her and kiss her and tell her that you love her. Bill: She will come back. When she calms down, she will come back. Sookie walks in the wood. She hears a noise. Sookie: Bill? Bill if you're trying to scare me so I get back in that car with you, it isn't gonna work. She looks back and sees a creature coming through her. Sookie: What the...? Sookie begins to run and the creature runs too. She scratches Sookie's back. Sookie falls on the floor. Bill goes out of the car. Credit Bill sees Sookie, laying on the floor. Bill: Sookie! Sookie! Sookie! He takes her in his arms. Bill: What did this to you? Sookie: Bull... Human... I couldn't see... Bill, I can't move. Sookie drinks Bill's blood but she begins to cough and shake and come white liquid comes out of her mouth. Bill: Sookie! Jessica arrives. Jessica: Oh, gross. Bill (to Jessica): Get the car, now! Scene 2: Fangtasia - Bill, Sookie, Jessica Bill, Sookie and Jessica arrive at Fangtasia. They are in the car; Jessica is driving. Bill (to Jessica): Drive straight home. Jessica: But I wanna go with you. Bill: As your maker, I command you. Jessica leaves. Bill is carrying Sookie. Scene 3: Merlotte's - Sam, Daphne, Tara Sam is in his office. Daphne arrives. Daphne: Sam? Sam: Yeah? Daphne: I'm short. I went over it three times. I don't know what happened... Sam: How much? Daphne: 64 dollars and, like, 8 cent. Sam: God dammit, Daphne, you're gonna have to pay for it. I'm sorry, but this is a business. Daphne puts some money on the table. Daphne: There. That's all the tips that I made tonight, so I'm just gonna have to owe you the rest. She leaves. Sam: F***. Tara arrives. Tara: You can't expect her to learn of you don't give her any positive reinforcement. Sam: Tara, not now. Tara: I'm serious. Nobody succeeds at anything in life unless somebody leads them. Sam: Let me guess. Maryann say that? Tara: What is it with you and Maryann? What's she ever done to you, other than just drop almost 300 dollars in your bar tonight? Sam: I don't want her in here anymore. And if I were you, I'd stay the hell away from her. Tara: You don't even know this person. Sam: Neither do you. He leaves his office. Scene 4: Fangtasia - Sookie, Bill, Eric, Dr Ludwig, Pam, Chow Sookie is on a table. She has scars with blood on her back. Sookie (to Dr Ludwig): What kind of doctor are you? Dr Ludwig: The healing kind. I'm doctor Ludwig, what's your... Sookie screams when the doctor touches her back. Sookie: I'm Sookie Stackhouse. Am I dying? Dr Ludwig: Yes. Bill: No. she cannot die. You will save her. Dr Ludwig: Back off vampire, let me do my job. Eric: Forgive him. Bill is abnormally attached to this human. Dr Ludwig: Well, we don't have a lot of choices, she's been poisoned. You ever heard of Komodo dragons? Their mouths are teeming with bacteria. After one has bitten you, it will track you for hours, days, just waiting for the toxins to slowly eat away at your nervous system till you're good and helpless. Then it will devour you alive. Sookie: I was scratch by a dragon? Dr Ludwig: No. But this poison is similar but way more efficient. I think I've seen it before but it's hard to tell without testing, and we don't have that kind of time. Give us some privacy. I need to remove her clothing. Bill (to Sookie): I will be just outside. I am so sorry. Dr Ludwig: She's running out of time, Mr. Compton. Eric and Bill are in Eric's office Eric: Head of a bull. Bill: That's what she said. It was dark. It all happened in seconds. Eric: So you didn't see this bull man? Bill: No. Eric: And you gave her your blood? Bill: It didn't work. You ever heard of anything like this? Eric: Surprisingly, no. I though in over a thousand years I'd seen everything there was to see. Pam and Chow come in. Eric: Search the woods around highway 71. Pam: He can do it. I'm wearing my favorite pumps. Pam and Chow leave. Eric: She is extremely lazy. But loyal. How's yours? Jessica? Bill: Petulant. Dangerous. Afraid. Eric: I'm glad to see you two are bonding. Being a good maker is very rewarding. Bill: I have to get back to Sookie. Eric: Oh, relax. Dr Ludwig treated one of Pam's humans when it was mauled by a werewolf. Lost an eye, but otherwise he's fine. Sookie is screaming when Dr Ludwig puts some liquid on her scars. Bill and Eric come. Bill: What are you doing to her? Dr Ludwig: Hold her down! Or let her die, your choice. Bill holds Sookie hands. Sookie: No! No! Scene 5: At the Fellowship of the Sun - Jason, Luc, Eddie Jason wakes up, screaming. Eddie: You're so warm. And I'm so cold. Eddie is near him, in his bed. Jason: Eddie? Eddie: What are you doing here, Jason? I thought we were friends. Jason: You're f****** dead. I saw you die. This ain't real. This ain't real. Eddie caresses Jason. Eddie: Does this feel real? He bites Jason with his fangs. Jason screams. It's just a dream. Jason wakes up screaming. Jason: Dear God, you gotta help me out, because, I don't know what's right and wrong no more. Maybe I never did. Just, God, please. Please. Give me another sign. Because... I'm lost. I'm so f****** lost. Luc throws a pillow on Jason. Luc: There's your sign. Now, shut up. Someone's trying to sleep in here. Scene 6: Fangtasia - Sookie, Dr Ludwig, Bill, Eric, Pam, Chow Dr Ludwig (to Bill): You can give her blood now. Her body should accept it. Eric stops Bill when he begin to bite his arm. Eric: Mine is much stronger, allow me. Bill: Never. (To Sookie) Sookie, can you hear me? You must drink. He bites his arm and Sookie drinks his blood. Dr Ludwig (to Eric): I'll expect my payment by the end of the week. Eric: It's always a pleasure doing business with you, Dr. Ludwig. She leaves. Bill: Clearly the pleasure was one-sided. Eric: Well, she's no fan of the fang. She tolerates us, because our blood is of such great value to healers. Be careful. You'll overcook her. Sookie stops drinking Bill's blood. Bill: All right. Sookie: Thank you. Pam and Chow arrive. Pam: The area has been scanned. Chow: Tracks were human, but the smell was distinctly animal. Eric: What kind? Pam: A filthy one. Chow: We didn't recognize it. Eric: How intriguing. Send an alert through the appropriate channels. Find out what the neighbors know. And Pam. Those were great pumps. Pam and Chow leave. Bill (to Eric): I don't wanna move her. Eric: Of course not. I'll make sure she's take care of. Bill: I'm not leaving her. Eric: Longshadow kept a coffin in back. He liked to feed before resting, so it might be a bit messy, but you're welcome to it. Bill: I wanna thank you for your hospitality. And for saving Sookie's life. Eric: I'm sure there's a way she can repay me. Scene 7: Sookie's home - Maryann, Tara, Carl Carl is cooking Daphne's heart. Maryann tastes the sausage. Maryann: That's delicious Carl. Could use a little more juniper, don't you think? Carl: Yes, yes, of course. You're right. Tara (coming in the kitchen): What's all this? Maryann: I'm having a few people over. Tara: How many people? Maryann: You know, I don't remember. Sit, Carl will make you some breakfast. Tara: That's okay. I'm more of a breakfast-for-lunch kind of girl. But coffee's great. Thanks, Carl. She sits with Maryann and has some coffee. Tara: I don't think I'll ever get used to people just doing things for me without me even asking. Maryann: Well, Carl knows that if he wants to find real fulfillment in life, he needs to learn to be of service, so everything he does for us is really a selfish act. Tara: Maryann, why does Sam hate you? Maryann: Sam hates me? Tara: Practically jumped down my throat after you left last night. Kept saying I need to stay away from you, why would he say that? Maryann: Well... I mean, I barely know the man, but if I had to guess, I'd say jealousy. You two have a history. Tara: Yeah, but we're better as friends than we ever were at sleeping together. We both know that. Maryann: Tara, still not valuing yourself. You are a fantastic woman. Sam lost you. He's just looking for someone to blame. Tara: But why you? Maryann: Because you've moved on. And hopefully I've been a part of making that happen. Sam seems like a sensitive, wonderful guy, but all my instincts scream, "unevolved." Tara: You're right. That man has way too many issues. Maryann: And there are not your problem. Unlike Carl, you've done enough taking care of people to last a lifetime. Tara: Holy s***, that's beautiful. It's even got a filter? Maryann: Little technique I picked up in Ibiza. Adorable, isn't it? Tara: F*** it. I don't have to be at work till 4:00. Scene 8: Sam's trailer - Sam, Terry Sam puts things in his car when Terry arrives. Sam: Hey Terry. Thanks for coming. Terry: Taking a trip? Sam: Something like that. Terry: Where to? Sam: Not sure yet. Terry: Well, I ain't been a lot of places, but better here than all the places I've been. Sam: Yeah. So listen, I was hoping you'd take care of the bar for me. You know, just till I get back. Terry: Yeah. I don't know, Sam. I like cooking. It's quiet back there and... I ain't so good with people. If I were you, I wouldn't be my first choice. Sam: Well, actually, you're not. I can't reach Sookie. And who knows where the hell Lafayette is, Arlene's got enough on her plate, and Tara... Tara's... Terry: Don't like feeling the pressure. Sam: She's going through some personal stuff right now. So you're all I got. You do it for me, buddy? Terry: Well, I guess I ain't got no choice. Sam: I appreciate it. Appreciate it, I'll get you a set of keys after closing. Terry: So you're just gonna cut and run? Just like that. Sam: I'm not running. Terry: Remind me never to get stuck on a foxhole with you. Coward. Terry leaves. Scene 9: Fellowship of the sun - Jason, Sarah, the members A woman has bites on her body. Woman: He used me up. Till he got bored. And then he left me to die. I thought he loved me, but I was nothing, but his living,, breathing, snack machine. Sarah: Thank you for sharing your story, Missy. That was very brave. May his holy light shine on you. The members: Praise the light. Jason: Praise... the light. Sarah: Jason. There's something you'd like to share? Jason: No, thank you. I ain't much of a sharing kind of guy. Sarah: Remember, we all signed a vow of honesty. Are you wearing your honesty ring? Jason: Yeah. All right, but, you ain't gonna like it. Pretty much against everything you all been saying. Sarah: You're safe here. Jason: I ain't a vampire victim. The fact is they have never done nothing against me. My sister's dating one, and from everything I can tell, he seems to treat her pretty decent. Well, except for the biting, but I think she likes that.. Man: Huh. Sarah: No, please. Jason: What? Sarah: Go on. Jason: My girlfriend, she staked a vampire right in front of me. His name was Eddie, and... he was gay, but he was a real nice person. Sarah: He wasn't a person, Jason. A person wouldn't do that. Would they? Jason: Well, my Gran and my girlfriend were killed by my best friend just because he had a problem with vampires. And he was a person. Look, I'm only here because I thought God wanted me to be. Thought maybe he had a purpose for me. Some s*** like that. Beginning to see that was just wishful thinking. He leaves the room. Sarah: No, Jason, wait. Becky, take over for a second. Becky: Sure. Let's pray. Sarah joins Jason outside. Sarah: Hey, Jason. Just talk to me. Jason: There ain't nothing to talk about. Sarah: The forst time I laid eyes on you, I knew there was something special about this one. I knew the Lord had sent you to me, but until today that I knew why. Jason: Why? Sarah: Because we're so much alike. Jason: Sarah... Sarah: No, but... we wanna see the best in others so badly, that sometimes we overlook the worst. Jason: That kind of does sound like me. Sarah: When the vampires came out of the coffin, I went with my big sister Amber to march for their equal rights. Jason: Really? Sarah: Two months later, Amber disappeared. Got hooked on V. I know they killed her. Got rid of her body in whatever way they do. Jason: I'm sorry. Sarah: They stole my sister, Jason. The same way they stole your girlfriend and your grandmother. And I know you believe Eddie was your friend, but think about it. If his kind never existed, the people you love would still be alive. Jason: You're saying... if I hadn't been too messed up to protect them, that they'd still be here? Sarah: No, you're just human, but vampires... everything they are, down to their very blood, is seductive. Jason: I should have done something. Could have saved Gran, Amy... all of them. He cries. Sarah: I know how much it hurts. Trust me, that's why... if we can protect even one family from this kind of suffering, then all the loved ones we've lost, their deaths won't have been for nothing. Jason: You know, sometimes... I wish I was dead too. Sarah: But you're not. God needs you. You don't have to carry this alone anymore. Give yourself to His light. Let him carry this pain for you. Pray with me? Jason: Okay. Sarah: Heavenly Father, bless Jason, and protect his sister, and all those who are still out there lost in the darkness. Scene 10: Fangtasia - Sookie, Ginger, Lafayette Sookie is sleeping. She wakes up. She goes to see her back in the mirrors; the scares are gone. Ginger: You're awake. I made you a two-top sandwich. Peanut butter and chocolate syrup. Sookie: That's very... thoughtful, Ginger. Ginger: That's the thing about being with vamps, ain't it? You always forget to eat. I've lost 37 pounds since I got this job. Way better than a fat farm. Sookie: Did Bill leave? Ginger: He's resting in back, I think. Sookie: Do they make you stay here every day? Ginger: Well, sometimes I just come in for deliveries, but these days I've been coming in for... Never mind all that. You just finish up your sandwich and go back to sleep. Ginger voice off: I almost told her about her friend Lafayette, in the basement. Eric says I can't tell her. Sookie: Lafayette? Why would Eric have Lafayette in the basement? Ginger: I just work here. Ginger voice off: Please don't make me use that gun under the cash register. Sookie takes the gun. Sookie: Take me to him! Now! The go down on the basement. Lafayette is there. Sookie: Oh, my God. Lafayette. Lafayette. Lafayette: Sookie. Is that really you? Sookie: What have they done to you? Lafayette: Do I look like a vampire? Sookie: You look awful. Lafayette: I feel f****** worse. I guess that means I ain't a vampire then, wich is good. Sookie (to Ginger): Uncuff him. Ginger: I don't have that key. I swear. Ginger voice off: Eric's gonna be so mad at me. Jesus have mercy. Sookie: I'm gonna get you outta here. I promise. Scene 11: Maryann's house - Eggs, Tara, people Eggs is playing guitar and other people are listening at him. When he finishes, Tara goes to him. Tara: That's a new song? Eggs: Yeah, well, I didn't get serious about this till recently, so I got a lot to learn. Tara: Sounding pretty good to me. Eggs: Nice, I just, you know, I love music, I just wasted most of my life trying to avoid doing the sh1t I love the most. Tara: Why? Eggs: I guess u just felt like... if I was good at something, it's probably just a waste of time, and if it felt good I probably didn't deserve it. You know, a couple days after Maryann took me in, she put this guitar in my hands, and I cried like a f****** baby. It was the first time in my life anybody's actually ever encouraged me to do anything. So... I'm sorry, I... Tara: Don't apologize. Only thing my mama ever encouraged me how to learn was how to pour whiskey. Oh, f*** me. Eggs: What? She looks at the time. Tara: I was supposed to be at work 45 minutes ago. They laugh. Eggs: I can give you a ride, now. Tara: How many of those have you had? Four? I think one DUI between us is enough, don't you? Besides, I am way too f***** up to deal with Sam Merlotte right now. Eggs: Well, is he gonna fire you? Tara: Maybe, but it's just a job. And I got through those about as fast as I go through relationships. Eggs: Maybe you haven't found the right one yet. Tara: I've had a lot of jobs. Eggs: I ain't talking about that s***. They kiss. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 12: Fangtasia - Bill, Eric, Sookie Bill comes in the bar. He takes Sookie in his arms. Bill: You still angry about our fight? Sookie, none of that matters anymore. Sookie: You're right. I'm alive and in one piece, unlike my friend Lafayette who Eric chained up like an animal and left to bleed to death. Bill: What? Sookie: You better not have known anything about this Bill Compton, because if you did, I don't think I could ever forgive you. Bill: I have no idea what you're talking about. Eric: She's referring to the human in my basement. The human that traded sexual services with a vampire in order to sell his blood. Which, as you know, is a grave offense. Sookie: His name is Lafayette and you ought to be ashamed for what you've done to him. Sookie slaps Eric. Bill: Sookie! Eric: I'm glad you're feeling better. And may I add, that color suits you very well. Sookie: Go to hell. Bill: Sookie, enough. Sookie: It's not nearly enough. They've tortured him and bitten him and shot him and kept him down there in his own filth for weeks. Bill (to Eric): Is this true? Eric: There are others who would have done far worse and you know it. Sookie: You're gonna let him go right now, or I swear I'm going to the police. Eric: I do not respond well to threats. But perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement. Please. Scene 13: Merlotte's - Terry, Sam, Arlene Terry is doing the service. Sam on the phone: Hey, Tara. So I guess you're not coming in tonight. I get it. You're pissed at me for what I said about Maryann. Look. Tara, I know you're smart and tough and you can take care of yourself, and that's all I'm asking you to do. Okay? Just keep your eyes open. And take a good look at the people around you. And be careful, okay? Just be careful. Arlene arrives. Arlene: I know. I know I'm late, I'm sorry, but Lisa decided to give Coby a nose piercing. Like she saw on America's Next Top Model. Well, now he's got an infection... Sam: It's okay, Arlene. Just go ahead and get changed Arlene: Is everything alright with you Sam? Sam: Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. I thought, Sookie's supposed to be working tonight. Arlene: Oh, yeah, she was. She called and asked me to cover for her. Lord knows I owe her one after... You know. Nice and understanding looks good on you, Sam. Scene 14: Bill's home - Jessica Jessica gets out of the place where she sleeps. Jessica: Hello. Anybody home? Bill? Sookie... Scene 15: Merlotte's - Jessica, Hoyt Jessica comes at Merlotte's. She looks at two clients. Client (to his friend): Chick, two o'clock. She sees Hoyt. She takes places at a table in front of him and reads the menu. Hoyt goes to her. Hoyt: Hi. Jessica: Hi. Hoyt: You mind if I join you? I mean, if you're alone. Jessica: I'm alone. Hoyt: I'm Hoyt. Jessica: Jessica. Hoyt: So this might sound kind of funny, but I was just sitting there, thinking, "How come you don't ever meet a nice girl, Hoyt?" and the you just walked right in. Jessica: How do you know I'm a nice girl? Hoyt: Because of you smile, I guess. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they smile, and you know, I watch people all the time. You see, like that. That's beautiful. I could just... I could stare at that all day long. Jessica: Day? Yeah, right. Hoyt: Did I say something wrong? No, course not. Hoyt: Okay, good, because I don't wanna scare you away... Would you like a drink or someth... or food? You hungry? You should try the chicken fried steak, because it's... it's like a chicken and a steak got together and made a baby. It's delicious. Crispy, baby, and... Jessica: I'll just have a bottle of Tru Blood. B positive. Hoyt: You're a vampire? For real? Waw. That is awesome. A bottle of Tru Blood. Coming right up. He goes to order. Jessica smiles. Scene 16: Fangtasia, Eric's office - Eric, Sookie, Bill, Lafayette, Pam Sookie: So if I agree to go to Dallas to help look for this missing vampire, you'll let Lafayette go? Bill: No, you nearly died last night. You are not going to Dallas. Sookie: Bill, I can make up my own mind. Eric: I will pay all of your expenses, of course, and yes, I will release your friend. Sookie: And I want 5000$ (To Bill) I've missed a lot of work and I need a driveway. Eric: Your human is getting cocky. Bill: She will take $10000 and I will escort her. Eric: I don't think so, no. Sookie: Yes. Ten thousand and Bill comes with me or it's a deal breaker. Eric: You surprise me. That is a rare quality in a breather. Sookie: You disgust me. Eric: Perhaps I'll grow on you. Sookie: I'd prefer cancer. Eric: You need to leave immediately. Bill: I will make the travel arrangements, but I will need your credit card number. Pam opens the door and throws Lafayette on the ground. Pam: Such a shame. I was hoping I could convince Eric to let me keep you. Eric: No, you already have enough pets. Lafayette: No offense, but you ain't exactly my type, b****. Pam: Can I kick him? Bill: You can try. Eric: Enough. Have Chow fetch their car. Pam leaves. Eric (to Lafayette): I'll see you around, I'm sure. Lafayette: Don't bet on it, baby. I'm retiring. I'm done with you crazy-ass f******. Done. Bill caries Lafayette and they leave with Sookie. Scene 17: Maryann's house - Carl, Andy, Tara, Eggs, Maryann Carl serves to eat. Woman: Best soup I have ever had. Andy sees all the people dancing and half naked. Tara and Eggs are in the pool. Tara: Right when I thought this party couldn't get any f****** weirder, look who shows up. Thinking Andy Bellefleur got better d*** to do, like, I don't know, solve a murder. Eggs: You know what they say about all work and no play. Seems like you're pretty familiar with the idea. Tara: It was your fault I missed work in the first place. You're just too damn distracting. Andy passes near Mike Spencer and Jane Bodehouse. Andy: Mike Spenser. Mike: Howdy, Andy. Great party, huh? Jane: Less talking. More dancing! Mike: Jane Bokowsi, you are one fiery little hellcat. Andy continues to walk in the garden. He sees a pig. Andy: What you doing in there, pig? Maryann: Detective Bellefleur? I'm so glad you made it. Andy: Actually, I'm here because there have been some complaints about the noise. Maryann: Oh. And they sent their best detective to deal with it? Well, I am flattered. But sheriff Dearborne should really put your talents to better use. I'll go turn off that music right away. Andy: Hate to be a party pooper, but you got a livestock permit for that pig? Maryann: What pig? Andy: That pig. Maryann: I don't know what you're talking about. The pig is not where Andy saw it. Andy: It was there a second ago. Maryann: Have you been drinking? Andy: No, dammit. I know what I saw. I know what I saw, I'm a good cop. Maryann: Of course you are. Everybody knows that. Here. Why don't you stay and relax a little bit? Andy: Just one. I am on the clock. Maryann: Come on. Yes, God is love. Scene 18: Newlin's house - Steve, Sarah, Jason Steve and Jason are sitting around a table, having diner. Steve: He's the force of love, but how do we respond to forces that block, undermine, and destroy love? Well, you cannot love evil. You have to hate it. So hating evil is really... loving good. Jason: Good. I never really thought about it that way. Steve: Hate isn't just natural, Jason. We need it in order to survive. My father dedicated his life to God. To protecting the human race. And they murdered him, his wife and my baby sister in cold blood. They're baby-killers. That's what they're capable of. Now, if I didn't hate vampires, and do everything in my power to avenge my family's death, what kind if man would I be? Jason: A pretty bad one. Steve: And what's going on out there is a war. Not right now, Jason, but in general. And we all gotta choose sides. Now, you're either on the side of darkness, or the side of life. Jason: Light. Steve: There's no in between. Sarah arrives with some more food. Sarah: Hope you boys saved room for some banana pudding. Steve: Oh, thanks, honey. Sarah's pudding is a little slice of heaven. Sarah: Don't go bragging on me in front of the company. Steve: Well, you stop being such an angel and maybe I will. Sarah: I'm gonna go get the whipped cream. She leaves. Steve: You know, my wife must think you're pretty special. Jason: Really? Steve: Sarah doesn't whip out her pudding for just anybody. God's got great things in store for you, Jason Stackhouse. Can you feel it? Jason: Yeah. Yeah, I feel it. Scene 19: Bill's home - Hoyt, Jessica Hoyt and Jessica enter in the house. Hoyt: I always wanted to see the inside of Vampire Bill's house. You get to live here? It's pretty cool. Jessica: Not really. I mean, it's full of his creepy old stuff. And he makes me sleep in a hole. Hoyt: Yeah, my mama keeps her doll collection in my closet. You got a Wii? Jessica: A what? Hoyt: You never played a Wii? You'll love it. She sits near him on the couch. Hoyt: Yeah, so you can race cars, or you can play tennis, or... you can dance. Or you can shoot people. Jessica: I've never done any of that. Hoyt: Here, I'll show you. So... may I? Ok, so these are the controllers. You just hold that like that. Jessica kisses Hoyt. They continue to kiss but her fangs go out. Hoyt: No, no. Don't do that. You don't have to hide that from me, that's natural. Jessica: How can you say that? I mean, I have fangs, and they just come out and I can't control them. This is so embarrassing. I'd die if I wasn't already dead. Hoyt: Don't be embarrassed about what you are. Because what you are... is great. Jessica: You think I'm great? Hoyt: I like you. I like you a lot. And that's why I think we ought to wait, you know, before we do anything else. Jessica: I've waited too long already. Scene 20: In Bill's car - Lafayette, Bill, Sookie They arrive in front of Lafayette's home. Sookie: You sure we can't take you to the hospital? Lafayette: Three jobs and I still ain't go no health insurance. Besides, the bullet went strait through, I'll get my uncle stitch it up in the morning. Sookie: You uncle the veterinarian? Lafayette: He chops off steer nuts for a living, I think he can handle the few stitches. Don't worry Sook, I'm fine. Sookie: You don't look fine. Lafayette: Far as I'm concerned, I spent the last two weeks at Club Med. Drinking a margarita and getting my chest waxed. (To Bill) And I appreciate it if you tell your friends that's how I remember it. Bill: That would be wise. Sookie: At least let Bill help you inside. Lafayette: No, Sook, I said I'm fine. Lafayette enters in his home and locks the door. He lays on a couch and cries. Sookie and Bill are in the car. Sookie: I used to get so mad when people judged vampires just for being different. It's like they were judging me too. I told myself their fear was nothing but small-mindedness, but maybe that's just what I wanted to believe, because the more open my mind gets, the more evil I see. Bill: Sookie. Most of us, vampire, human, or otherwise, are capable of both good and evil. Often simultaneously. Sookie: You can't expect me to believe that Eric's capable of anything good. Not after how he tortured Lafayette. Bill: I have had worse sheriffs. Sookie: I don't understand how you can defend him. Bill: He saved your life. Sookie: I can still hate him. Bill: I hate that he may be putting you in harm's way once again. For his own selfish reasons. And I hate that he has shown you the barbarousness that we call justice. If I could glamour it away for you, I would. Sookie: I'm glad you can't. I'm sick of things sneaking up on me. Rene and whatever the hell that was that attacked me last night. If I'm never gonna be safe, I'd rather know what to be afraid of. Bill: Well, after last night, I hope that that doesn't include me. Sookie: I know there's darkness in you. I know there is. And it scares the life out of me. But you're right. There's goodness in you too. And when I look in your eyes, that's what I see. Scene 21: Maryann's - Tara, Eggs, a woman Tara: I feel so unbelievably f****** good right now. Eggs: That's how you feel to me too, baby. They kiss. A woman comes. Woman: Got room for one more? She comes in the pool. Woman: You guys are so beautiful. I'm a licensed massage therapist. Who wants to go first? (She takes Eggs) You got a big knot right there. Tara gets out of the pool angry. Eggs: Tara. Oh, come on, Tara. He runs after her in the house. Eggs: Tara. Hey, come on. That girl in the tub was drunk, I don't even know who she was. Tara: Looked like you wanted to know her a lot better. Eggs: I just got carried away, that's all. Tara: Yeah, you and everybody else out there. Is this what Maryann's about? Are you in the lifestyle? Eggs: Lifestyle? Tara, that's just a bunch of drunk-ass people trying to let loose, have a good time. That's got nothing to do with us. Tara: I don't give a crap what people do with their own body parts, but there's no us of this is your scene. She goes upstairs. Eggs: God dammit. Scene 22: Sam's - Sam, Dean Sam is packing when he sees Dean. Sam: Hell. I wasn't gonna run off without saying goodbye to you. I'm sure gonna miss you, buddy. All right. One last time. Let's go. Come on. You can't keep up with me. They run through the woods. Scene 23: Bill's house - Bill, Sookie, Jessica, Hoyt Bill and Sookie are in front of the house. Sookie: I knew it. Underneath that tough vampire exterior, you're nothing but a big softie. Bill: Don't tell anybody. Sookie: Waw, that's a lot of pink, Bill. I'm sure Jessica will live it. Bill: Yes, well, I remember when ladies' clothing stores sold petticoats. Sookie: That's just weird. Bill: Actually, I kind of miss them at times. They left something to the imagination. Unfastening them required a certain skill. Sookie: I think there's a Halloween store around here that might still have some. Bill: You are such a tease. They enter, kissing. They see Jessica on a man on the couch. Bill runs and pushes Jessica away from Hoyt. Jessica: I wasn't doing anything, I wasn't gonna bite him, I swear. Hoyt: It's okay. Sookie Bill, don't. Scene 24: In the woods - Sam, Dean, Daphne Sam (the dog) and Dean run in the woods. Sam jumps in the water and becomes a human. Sam: What's your problem? Come on in, the water's warm. Fine. Suit yourself. Dean leaves and Daphne comes. Daphne: Were you just talking to that dog? Sam: Daphne, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night? Daphne: Same as you, I guess. Just trying to cool off. And I can't sleep. See, I have this hard-ass boss, who really laid into me this week. Sam: Sounds like a jerk. Daphne: He's not all bad. He can be real nice. To dogs. Sam: Listen, I'm sorry. I've had a lot on my mind. I know how hard you're trying, and I think you're starting to get the hang of it. I really do. Daphne: You're even worse at lying than you are at being a boss, Sam Merlotte, but I'll take what I can get, so thanks. This water really warm or you lying about that too? Sam: No, it's great. Nothing like a midnight swim to wash away the troubles. You should try it sometime. Daphne: Yeah, I think I will. Sam: You mean now? Daphne: It's a big lake, Sam, I think there's a room for both of us, ain't there? Sam: Yeah. Guess so. Come on in. She removes her tee shirt. She has scares on her back.

After glamoring Jessica's family and beginning the drive back to Bon Temps, Bill and Sookie argue fiercely about the night's events, and Sookie storms out of the car. As she walks off, she is viciously attacked and poisoned by a mysterious creature with the head of a bull and the body of a man. Bill rushes to Eric for help and, with the assistance of a goblin woman named Dr. Ludwig, Sookie is saved. At the Light of Day camp, Jason confesses his true feelings about vampires and bonds further with Sarah Newlin when he lets out some of his grief over his Gran and Amy's deaths. She reveals to him that she used to be a vampire sympathizer but now suspects they murdered her sister. At Merlotte's, Jessica and Hoyt take a special interest in one another. Sam warns Tara to stay away from Maryann and later, after snapping at Daphne, decides to take off for a while. At Fangtasia, Sookie takes Bill's blood to heal and then discovers that Lafayette has been held in the basement. She manages to arrange his freedom in exchange for helping locate the missing vampire Godric in Dallas. Tara and Eggs' relationship hits a rough patch at one of Maryann's parties when the guests become strangely sexual with one another, including Eggs and another girl. Lafayette returns home and cries. Bill and Sookie walk in on Jessica and Hoyt making out. Sam and Daphne make peace with one another. The episode ends with the revelation that Daphne appears to have been attacked by the same creature that poisoned Sookie.

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110 - The Moment of Truth "In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin." Ealdor The people of Ealdor go about their day, but scatter when bandits come riding through. KANEN: Search the place! Find him! Bandits bring Matthew to Kanen with his arms full of food. KANEN: It's harvest time. Bandits hand him a couple of the bags Matthew was carrying. KANEN: What's this? Where's the rest of it? MATTHEW: I only kept back what we need to survive. KANEN: Survive? I'll be back in one week, farmer, and I want to see all of it. HUNITH: You can't take our food! Our children will starve! I won't let you do this! Hunith tries to grab the bags that Kanen took. HUNITH: You're not taking any of it! Kanen smacks Hunith, who falls to the ground. VILLAGER: Hunith! A villager runs to help Hunith; Kanen shoots him with a crossbow. KANEN: I will give you a week. Don't you dare disappoint me. I'll see you later, sweetheart. The bandits ride off. Matthew helps Hunith get up. Camelot - Lower Town Hunith walks into Camelot. Merlin sees her as he's collecting water from the well. MERLIN: Mother? HUNITH: Merlin! She goes to hug him, but he notices her bruise. MERLIN: What happened? Who did this to you?! Throne Room Hunith stands before Uther and the court. HUNITH: The winters are harsh in Ealdor, and there are many children. Some of them just won't be strong enough to survive. We barely have enough food as it is, and if Kanen takes our harvest, our children won't live to see another summer. Please, we need your help. UTHER: Ealdor's in Cenred's kingdom. Your safety is his responsibility. HUNITH: We've appealed to our King, but he cares little for the outlying regions. You're our only hope. UTHER: I have the deepest sympathy for you and would have this barbarian wiped off the face of the earth. HUNITH: You'll help us? UTHER: I wish I could. ARTHUR: Surely we can spare a few men? UTHER: Resources are not the problem. MORGANA: Then what is? UTHER: Ealdor lies beyond the Ridge of Essetir. For an army of Camelot to enter it would be an act of war. Hunith drops to her knees. HUNITH: I know you're a good king, a caring man. I'm begging you, help us, please. UTHER: The accord we've struck with Cenred was years in the making. I cannot risk hundreds of lives for the sake of one village. I'm afraid Camelot cannot help. Morgana glares at Uther and escorts Hunith out. Castle - Battlements Arthur looks out over Camelot. Merlin joins him. ARTHUR: I'm sorry. If it were up to me, we'd be on our way there now. MERLIN: You tried. And thank you for getting an audience with the King. ARTHUR: I wish that Camelot was able to help people regardless of how far away they lived. MERLIN: I'm going back to Ealdor. ARTHUR: Of course. MERLIN: It's been an honour serving you. ARTHUR: You'll be coming back. MERLIN: Well, she's my mother. I have got to look after her before anyone else. You understand? ARTHUR: I'd do exactly the same. Well, you've been terrible. Really, I mean it. The worst servant I've ever had. MERLIN: Thank you, Sire. ARTHUR: Merlin. Good luck. Gwen's House Gwen helps Merlin pack for his trip. GWEN: Here. Gwen hands Merlin a sword. He starts to reach for the blade and she sucks in her breath. Merlin grabs the hilt. GWEN: Tell me how it feels? MERLIN: Yeah. Yeah that feel...that feels really good. It's very, erm, you know...swordy. Gwen raises her eyebrows. GWEN: I've packed some armour for you. MERLIN: I won't be able to carry all that. Morgana enters dressed in trousers and a corseted tunic. MORGANA: You won't have to. We're coming with you. MERLIN: What do you mean? GWEN: You're going to need all the help you can get. I can mend armour and sharpen swords. MORGANA: And I know how to fight. MERLIN: But y-y- you can't. I mean, why would you? GWEN: If it was the other way around, you'd help us. You already have. You saved my life. MERLIN: And you helped me get the druid boy out of Camelot. We owe it to you. Both of us. Gaius's Chambers GAIUS: You got the food I prepared for you? MERLIN: Yes. GAIUS: Be careful with the wine. You know what you're like. One whiff of a barmaid's apron and you're singing like a sailor. MERLIN: I'll be fine. GAIUS: Are you sure you don't want an extra blanket? MERLIN: It's okay, really. I'll be alright. GAIUS: Well, make sure you are. Do whatever it takes. Gaius hugs Merlin. Road Merlin, Morgana, Gwen, and Hunith ride for Ealdor. Woods - Camp At night, Merlin sits at the campfire with his mother, the others asleep. HUNITH: They shouldn't be here. Especially the Lady Morgana. Isn't she the King's ward? MERLIN: Not that you'd know it. She's the only person I know who isn't frightened of him. HUNITH: It won't make any difference to Kanen that they're women. MERLIN: I know. But I couldn't talk them out of coming. Merlin looks at the healing bruise on his mother's face. MERLIN: I want to make him pay for what he did to you. HUNITH: Promise me you'll be careful. No one can find out about you. MERLIN: They won't. They never do. HUNITH: Get some rest. Hunith goes to lay down. Merlin takes a burning stick from the fire and blows some flecks into the air. MERLIN: Draca. The glowing flecks take the shape of the Pendragon dragon. Woods Merlin shifts in his sleep and hears horse in the woods. He draws his sword and goes searching through the dark. Someone puts a sword against his back. ARTHUR: I'd ask you for money, but I know you don't have any. MERLIN: Arthur! Merlin whips around and Arthur ducks as the sword swings near his head. ARTHUR: Put the word down, Merlin. You look ridiculous. Arthur takes Merlin's sword and walks toward their camp. Woods - Camp Arthur and Merlin sit at the newly stoked campfire. ARTHUR: How much further is it? MERLIN: Er, maybe a few hours. ARTHUR: How many men does Kanen have? MERLIN: Erm, I'm not sure. I think, from what my mother said, maybe as many as forty. ARTHUR: You should get some rest. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. MERLIN: Thank you. Erm, I know you didn't have to come. ARTHUR: Get some sleep. Road Arthur, Merlin, Morgana, Gwen, and Hunith ride for Ealdor. Ealdor Bandits burst into the village looking for the rest of the food. MATTHEW: Wait. BANDIT: What's in here? What's there? KANEN: If you're hiding anything from me... Merlin's party continues to ride. Kanen's men discover a hidden stash. BANDIT: Kanen! The bandit holds up bags of food. A village woman touches a young girl on the shoulder. VILLAGE WOMAN: Stay there. Stay there. MATTHEW: Please, we have to eat. KANEN: Oh. MATTHEW: And re-sow the fields for next year! We only kept the bare minimum! Everything else you can take. KANEN: That sounds fair. Kanen strikes Matthew, and raises his axe for a final blow. MATTHEW: No! Arthur throws a sword into the post behind Kanen, rides up, dismounts, fights the bandits. Merlin rides up and dismounts too. KANEN: Kill them! Merlin fights a bandit. girls arrive and dismount. Merlin caught against a door in his sword fight. MERLIN: H tende. The bandit's sword heats up. William watches him. Bandit drops sword. Merlin kills him. The bandit attacks Arthur from behind, but Morgana parries and kills him. MORGANA: Bring back memories of when I used to beat you? ARTHUR: That never happened. Kanen mounts. KANEN: You'll pay for this with your lives! All of you! WILL: You still up to the same old magic tricks again? Look, I thought I told you I didn't want your kind around here? Will smiles and Merlin grins back. MERLIN: I miss you, too, Will. They hug. MERLIN: It's good to see you again. WILL: How've you been? I, er, hear you're skivvying for some prince. MERLIN: No. I wouldn't say I'm a skivvy. ARTHUR: Merlin! Gather the villagers; I need to talk to them. MERLIN: Yeah, in a minute. I'm just talking... ARTHUR: Now, Merlin. There isn't much time. MERLIN: Yes, Sire. Arthur addresses the villagers. ARTHUR: I know Kanen's kind. He'll be back. And when he is, you must be ready for him. First of all, we have to prepare for... WILL: Am I the only one wondering who the hell this is? ARTHUR: I'm Prince Arthur of Camelot. WILL(scoff): Yeah, and, er, I'm Prince William of Ealdor. HUNITH: Keep quiet. He's here to help us. WILL: But he's made things worse. Kanen will be back, and when he is, he'll be looking for revenge. You've just signed our death warrants. HUNITH: He saved Matthew's life! ARTHUR: That's alright, Hunith. This is his village. What would you have us do? WILL: We can't fight against Kanen. He has too many men. ARTHUR: So what's the alternative? WILL: Give him what he wants. The villagers shake their heads. ARTHUR: Then what? Those of you who don't starve to death will face him again next harvest! And the harvest after that. WILL: We'll manage. We'll survive. VILLAGERS: How? ARTHUR: The only way he can be stopped is if you stand up to him. WILL: No. You just want the honour and glory of battle! That's what drives men like you! Look, if you want to fight, then go home and risk the lives of your own people, not ours! MERLIN: Will. HUNITH: I'll follow you. If I'm to die, then I want to go out fighting. MATTHEW: That goes for me, too. VILLAGE MAN: You can count me in. VILLAGE WOMAN: I'm in. VILLAGER: Me too! VILLAGERS: Yeah! VILLAGE MAN: You can count me in! Ealdor - Will's House Merlin approaches Will. MERLIN: He knows what he's doing. You've got to trust him. Look, when I first met Arthur, I was exactly like you. I hated him. I thought he was pompous and arrogant. Will rights a stand that has a chainmail shirt and tabard on it. WILL: Well, nothing's changed there, then. MERLIN: But, in time, I came to respect him for what he stands for, what he does. WILL: Yeah, I know what he stands for: princes, kings, all men like him. MERLIN: Will, don't bring what happened to your father into this. WILL: I'm not. Why are you defending him so much? You're just his servant. MERLIN: He's also my friend. WILL: Friends don't lord it over one another. MERLIN: He isn't like that. WILL: Really? Well, let's wait until the fighting begins and see who he sends in to die first. I guarantee you, it won't be him. MERLIN: I trust Arthur with my life. WILL: Is that so? So he knows your secret, then? Look, face it, Merlin You're living a lie. Just like you were here. You're Arthur's servant, nothing more. Otherwise you'd tell him the truth. Ealdor - Hunith's House (Night) The Camelot party sleeps. ARTHUR: Have you always slept on the floor? MERLIN: Yeah. The bed I've got in Camelot's luxury by comparison. ARTHUR: Must've been hard. MERLIN: Mmm. It's like rock. ARTHUR: I didn't mean the ground. I meant, for you. It must've been difficult. MERLIN: Mmm. Not really. I didn't know any different. Life's simple out here. You eat what you grow and everyone pitches in together. As long as you've got food on the table and a roof over your head, you're happy. ARTHUR: Sounds...nice. MERLIN: You'd hate it. ARTHUR: No doubt. Why'd you leave? MERLIN: Things just...changed. ARTHUR: How? Come on, stop pretending to be interesting. Tell me. MERLIN: I just didn't fit in anymore. I wanted to find somewhere that I did. ARTHUR: Had any luck? MERLIN: I'm not sure yet. ARTHUR: We'll start training the men tomorrow. It's gonna be a long day. Get the candle. Ealdor - Hunith's House (Day) Merlin helps Arthur put his jacket on the next morning. MORGANA: You still not learned how to dress yourself? ARTHUR: You don't have a dog and fetch the stick yourself. No offense, Merlin. MERLIN: None taken. HUNITH: Prince Arthur, you didn't finish your breakfast. ARTHUR: Didn't I? MORGANA: Come on, eat up. Arthur pretends to eat it. ARTHUR: Mmmmm. Arthur hands the bowl off to Gwen. ARTHUR: Right. Let's get going. We need wood, and lots of it. MERLIN: Of course. Gwen finished Arthur's breakfast and hands the bowl to Hunith. GWEN: Arthur said it was lovely. HUNITH: He must care for you a great deal. MERLIN: Arthur'd do the same for any village. That's just the way he is. HUNITH: It's more than that. He's here for you. MERLIN: I'm just his servant. HUNITH: Give him more credit than that. He likes you. MERLIN: That's because he doesn't know me. And if he did, I'd probably be dead by now. HUNITH: You don't really believe that, do you? Ealdor Merlin walks toward the woods with an axe. WILL: Merlin! Where are you going with that thing? MERLIN: What does it look like? We need wood. WILL: We both know that you don't need an axe to fell a tree. MERLIN: And I remember the trouble it got me into. I nearly flattened Old Man Simmons. WILL: Ha. Yeah, well, he deserved it, stupid old crow. MERLIN: Mmm. He never did like me anyway. WILL: Well, even less after that. MERLIN (chuckles): Why are you being like this? WILL: You know why. Why did you leave? MERLIN: It wasn't what I wanted. My mother was worried. When she found out you knew, she was so angry. WILL: I wouldn't've told anyone. MERLIN: Well, I know you wouldn't. WILL: You'd be able to defeat Kanen on your own, wouldn't you? MERLIN: I'm not sure. Maybe. WILL: Well, so what's stopping you? So what if Arthur finds out? MERLIN: I don't expect you to understand. WILL: Try me. MERLIN: One day Arthur will be a great king, but he needs my help. And if anyone ever found out about my powers, I'd have to leave Camelot for good. WILL: Are you telling me you'd rather keep your magic a secret for Arthur's sake than use it to protect your friends and family? Arthur trains the village men. ARTHUR: I won't be able to teach you everything there is to know about fighting with a sword, but you can learn the basics: the stance, how to parry a blow, how to land your own. On my count! One! Two! Three! Four! Now, you may have to watch for the feint. So, keep your feet moving, and only stay in range long enough to land your blow. And again. One! Two! Three! Four! Morgana and Gwen watch the training as they sharpen swords. ARTHUR: One! Two! Three! Four! MORGANA: There is no way they're going to be able to hold Kanen off. GWEN: Men aren't the only ones who can fight. ARTHUR: Again. One! Two! Three! Matthew. I want you to organise sentry duty to keep an eye out for Kanen and his men. MATTHEW: Be glad to. ARTHUR: If there's any sign of attack, I want you to ride straight back here. I don't want you fighting all on your own. MATTHEW: Ha-ha. (nods) Arthur draws water from the well to drink. MORGANA: Looks like the battle's already fought and lost. ARTHUR: They'll toughen up. GWEN: They need to. ARTHUR: How are we doing for weapons? MORGANA: There isn't much, but we should be able to scrape together what you need. GWEN: It's not the weapons that worry us. It's having enough people to use them. We think the women should be allowed to fight. MORGANA: You haven't enough men. If they were trained soldiers, maybe you'd stand a chance, but they're not. ARTHUR: It's too dangerous. Arthur walks towards the resting men. ARTHUR: Right! Back on your feet! Come on, let's go! Ealdor - Hunith's House The Camelot party sleeps. GWEN: We don't stand a chance. MORGANA: Arthur can't see that. He's too stubborn. Merlin wakes. GWEN: Why do you think he came here? MORGANA: The same reason we did: Merlin. Arthur may act like he doesn't care, but he wouldn't be here if he didn't. Ealdor - Common Building Arthur speaks to the men. ARTHUR: We're not going to be able to defend Ealdor with sword and sinew alone. We're going to need a plan. We need to find some way of limiting their mobility and drawing them into a trap. If we fight them on their terms, then... A village woman screams. Arthur and the men rush outside to investigate. Matthew is slung over a horse. ARTHUR: Get him down from there! The village men take Matthew down as villagers gather around. Arthur reads the note that's on the arrow in his back. MERLIN: What does it say? ARTHUR: "Make the most of this day, it will be your last." FIANC : Matthew! No! No! No! WILL: You did this! Look what you've done! You've killed him! MERLIN: It wasn't his fault. WILL: If he hadn't been strutting around, treating us like his own personal army, this would never have happened! ARTHUR: These men are brave enough to fight for what they believe in, even if you aren't! WILL: You're sending them to their graves! You killed one man. How many more need to die before you realise this a battle that can't be won? When Kanen comes, you haven't got a chance. You're gonna be slaughtered. Ealdor - Will's House Merlin follows Will into Will's house. WILL: Don't bother, Merlin. I'm not interested. MERLIN: You should be. Because tomorrow Kanen attacks, and whether you like it or not, we'll have to fight. WILL: Not if I'm not here. MERLIN: Well, that's up to you, but the rest of us are staying. Join us, Will! This isn't about Arthur, this is about your friends. Are you really going to abandon them? WILL: What, like you did? MERLIN: I'm here now. WILL: Yeah. Yeah, you are. And you could end this. If you used your magic, then no one else would have to die. MERLIN: You know I can't. WILL: Can't or won't? I'm not the one abandoning these people, Merlin. You are. Ealdor - Hunith's House Arthur sharpens his sword. Merlin sits down next to him. MERLIN: William's father was killed fighting for King Cenred, so he doesn't trust anyone of nobility. ARTHUR: Do you think the villagers believed him? MERLIN: No. He's always been a troublemaker. They're used to ignoring him. ARTHUR: And if he's right? MERLIN: He isn't. Hunith overhears them from inside her house. ARTHUR: I'm treating these men like soldiers, and they're not. You've seen them fight. They...they haven't got a clue! You need to tell them all to leave the village before Kanen returns. MERLIN: No, we're going to stay. We're going to fight, and we're going to win. ARTHUR: Merlin, it can't be done. The odds are too great. MERLIN: It can. We're going to make Kanen rue the day he ever came to this village. All you need to do is get the men ready for battle, and the rest will take care of itself. ARTHUR: How? MERLIN: You've just got to believe in them. Because if you don't, they'll sense it, and the battle'll be lost before it's even begun. [SCENE_BREAK] Ealdor - Common Building Arthur addresses the villagers. ARTHUR: Tomorrow morning, the women and children should gather what belongings they can carry and go to the woods. GWEN: We're not going anywhere! ARTHUR: I know you want to help. The women can't stay here. It's too dangerous. GWEN: The women have as much right to fight for their lives as the men do! ARTHUR: But none of you know how to fight. GWEN: The more of us there are, the better chance we stand! The women step forward. ARTHUR: This is your home. If you want to fight to defend it, that's your choice. I'd be honoured to stand alongside you. Kanen attacks tomorrow. Kanen's brutal. He fights only to kill, which is why he will never defeat us. Look around. In this circle, we're all equals. You're not fighting because someone's ordering you to, you're fighting for so much more than that. You fight for your homes. You fight for your family. You fight for your friends. You fight for the right to grow crops in peace. And if you fall, you fall fighting for the noblest of causes: fighting for your very right to survive! And when you're old and grey, you'll look back on this day, and you'll know you earned the right to live every day in between! So you fight! For your family! For your friends! For Ealdor! The villagers stand with swords raised. VILLAGERS & MERLIN: For Ealdor! Ealdor! Ealdor! Ealdor! Ealdor! Ealdor! Ealdor! Ealdor - Hunith's House Hunith sits pensively in her home. Merlin enters and hangs up his jacket. HUNITH: Come here. Merlin sits down beside her and she strokes his face. HUNITH: I do love you, my boy. MERLIN: What's wrong? HUNITH: I should never have gone to Camelot. I've ruined everything for you. MERLIN: You haven't. Why would you say that? HUNITH: I know what you're planning to do. MERLIN (sigh): If it comes to a choice between saving people's lives and revealing who I really am, *shrugs* there is no choice. HUNITH: You can't let Arthur know about your gift. MERLIN: Why not? Maybe it's meant to be this way. And if he doesn't accept me for who I really am, then he's not the friend I hoped he was. Woods Arthur stands watch. Gwen brings him a bowl of Hunith's home cooking. GWEN: Arthur, Hunith made you some food. Gwen hands him the bowl. ARTHUR: Thanks. Gwen turns to leave. ARTHUR (mutters): I think. Gwen stops and turns back around. GWEN: Food is scarce for these people; you shouldn't turn your nose up at it! Arthur stares at her. GWEN: Oh, no. I--I shouldn't've spoken to you like that. I'm sorry. ARTHUR: Gwen. Gwen starts leaving. GWEN: I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. It won't happen again. ARTHUR: Guinevere! Gwen turns to face him. ARTHUR: Thank you. You're right. And you were right to speak up. I should've listened to you and Morgana. (mutters) We're going to need all the help we can get. GWEN: We'll be fine. ARTHUR: How can you be so sure? GWEN: Because I have faith in you. I mean, we all do. ARTHUR: Thank you. Ealdor - Hunith's House Merlin starts to help Arthur with his armour. ARTHUR: No, not today. MERLIN: Put on your own. They dress for battle. Merlin struggles with the buckle on one of his bracers. Arthur helps him out. ARTHUR: You ready? MERLIN: My throat's dry. ARTHUR: Me too. Arthur holds out his hand and Merlin shakes it. ARTHUR: It's been an honour. MERLIN: Whatever happens out there today, please don't think any differently of me. ARTHUR: I won't. It's alright to be scared, Merlin. MERLIN: That's not what I meant. ARTHUR: What is it? If you've got something to say, now's the time to say it. MORGANA: Arthur. They've crossed the river. Ealdor Arthur goes down the line of villagers, shaking hands. ARTHUR: You ready? VILLAGER: Ready. ARTHUR: For Ealdor. He reaches Gwen and shakes her hand. ARTHUR: Are you frightened? GWEN: Not in the slightest. Gwen, Arthur, and Merlin take their hiding positions. Kanen and his men ride out of the woods and into the village. ARTHUR: Hold. No one moves until they give the signal. Kanen and his men stop and look around the empty village. ARTHUR: Hold. KANEN: Come out, come out wherever you are. GWEN: Now, pull! Gwen and a villager pull up a hidden gate, trapping the riders inside. Morgana tries to light a fire with flint. ARTHUR: Now, Morgana. What are you waiting for? Something's gone wrong. Merlin rushes off. ARTHUR: Merlin! Kanen spots Merlin running. KANEN: There's one. Get him! Merlin dodges the arrow. KANEN: Kill him! Merlin dodges again and reaches Morgana, still desperately trying to light a fire. MERLIN: Give me the flint. Morgana hands them over and Merlin pretends to use them. MERLIN: Baerne. Merlin lights a fire and a prepared line flames up, trapping the riders. KANEN: Come back! Don't run away! Kanen's men ride back into the village. ARTHUR: Now! The villagers give a battle cry as they spring out of hiding to fight. A rider comes up behind Merlin and Will jumps off a roof in his father's armour to unhorse the rider. MERLIN: I didn't think you were coming. WILL: Neither did I. Merlin and Will fight back to back. The villagers start losing. Merlin and Will stop to assess the situation. WILL: There's too many of them. MERLIN: Not for me there isn't. Cume thoden. Merlin conjures a windstorm, Arthur sees. the villagers start winning and the remaining bandits flee. Gwen and Morgana hug. Kanen marches out to face Arthur. KANEN: Pendragon! Arthur fights Kanen and wins, running him through. then he marches angrily towards Merlin and Will. ARTHUR: Who did that? MERLIN: What? ARTHUR: Wind like that doesn't just appear from nowhere. I know magic when I see it. One of you made that happen. MERLIN: Arthur... Kanen picks up a crossbow and aims it at Arthur. WILL: Look out! Will pushes Arthur out of the way and gets hit himself. Kanen dies. MERLIN: Will! ARTHUR: You just saved my life. WILL: Yeah. Don't know what I was thinking. ARTHUR: Come on! Get him inside! Ealdor - Will's House Merlin, Arthur, and a couple village men carry Will inside. WILL: That's twice I've saved you. ARTHUR: Twice? WILL: Yeah, it was me. I'm the one that used the magic. MERLIN: Will, don't. Arthur looks at Merlin. WILL: It's alright, Merlin. I won't be alive long enough for anyone to do anything to me. I did it. I saw how desperate things were becoming and I had to do something. ARTHUR: You're a sorcerer? WILL: Yeah. What are you gonna do? Kill me? ARTHUR: No. Of course not. Do what you can for him. Merlin nods. Arthur puts his hand on Will's shoulder and then leads the women out. WILL: I was right about him. I told you he was going to get me killed. MERLIN: You're not going to die. WILL: You're a good man, Merlin. A great man. And one day, you're going to be servant to a great king. Now you can still make that happen. MERLIN: Thanks to you. WILL: This place has been boring without you. It was good to see you again. MERLIN: Yeah, you too. WILL: Merlin. Merlin, I'm scared. MERLIN: Don't be. It's going to be alright. WILL: Merlin...*dies* The villagers stand at Will's funeral pyre. ARTHUR: I'm sorry. I know he was a close friend. MERLIN: He still is. ARTHUR: You knew he was a sorcerer, didn't you? That's what you were going to tell me? MERLIN: Yes. It was. ARTHUR: You know how dangerous magic is. You shouldn't've kept this from me, Merlin. Arthur walks over to Morgana and Gwen. Hunith walks over to Merlin. HUNITH: You better be going. MERLIN: I don't have to go. HUNITH: Yes, you do. MERLIN: If anything were to happen to you... HUNITH: I know where to find you. You have to go, Merlin. You belong at Arthur's side. I've seen how much he needs you. How much you need him. You're like two sides of the same coin. MERLIN: I've heard someone say that about us before. I'm going to miss you. Merlin hugs his mum. HUNITH: I'm going to miss you, too. When you left, you were just a boy. Now look at you. I'm so proud of you. Gwen, Morgana, Arthur, and Merlin ride for Camelot. HUNITH (voiceover): When the time is right, the truth will be known. Until then, you must keep your talents hidden. It's better for everyone.

Hearing that his village is being threatened by a warlord and his gang, Merlin travels home with Gwen and Morgana to help. Arthur joins them and does his best to drill the peaceful villagers into a fighting force, but Merlin's friend William dismisses him as an egotist. Gwen calls Arthur out on his insensitivity to the villagers' humble ways and also fights for the women's right to fight. But when it comes to the fight, the villagers are still inexperienced and Merlin risks exposing himself as sorcerer to drive off the invaders. During the battle, Merlin conjures up a storm to drive off the invaders, which Arthur sees. During the ensuing battle, William saves Arthur's life, and takes the blame for the magic storm. Arthur pardons William on his (William's) death bed.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_05x05

fd_Gilmore_Girls_05x05_0

OPEN IN DRAGONFLY INN [Camera follows a member of the kitchen staff through the door into the kitchen. Sookie cuts and preps food while she and Lorelai discuss Inn issues.] LORELAI: It's getting the word out to the business community that we're here -- that's the key. SOOKIE: We've got to draw them in with the things that they like -- amenities. [Lorelai pours coffee into her mug while Sookie prepares food portions] LORELAI: What does a businessman want when they travel? Booze, and hookers. Anything else? SOOKIE: [grins] I think that covers it. LORELAI: We got booze. How do we get hookers? SOOKIE: How about a banner up front that reads "Hoes up at the Dragonfly"? LORELAI: Or we tell them Bill Maher's here. SOOKIE: [ Gasps ] They'd come a-flocking. LORELAI: Maybe we're in too silly a mood to be discussing such serious stuff. SOOKIE: You think? [Jackson enters with a laden crate of vegetables. The only thing out of place is the business suit he is wearing] LORELAI: Oh hey Jackson, what would you do to lure more businessmen to the Dragonfly? Besides inviting Bill Maher. JACKSON: What do I look like, the Shell Answer Man? Everybody's gotta have a piece of Jackson. Well, he's got nothing left, I tell you, nothing. SOOKIE: [sympathetic] His town selectman duties are starting to wear on him. LORELAI: That's why the fancy duds? SOOKIE: He's got functions every day and meetings and hearings. JACKSON: I tried to work in a nice suicide, but my schedule wouldn't allow it. [ Cellphone rings ] Ugh, That sound's death to me. LORELAI: Don't answer it. JACKSON: Could be a customer. Hello? [strained patience] Yes, Mrs. Cassini. I got the note about the playground equipment. [Jackson leans against a nearby ledge while talking, and the jacket gapes to expose a bright red stain on his dress shirt.] LORELAI: [points] Oh God, is that blood? SOOKIE: It's tomato. It happens daily. Disrobe. [Without hesitation, Sookie nimbly removes his tie while Jackson continues talking, then slides off his jacket and hands it to Lorelai. She efficiently begins unbuttoning his shirt.] JACKSON: So you say your granddaughter fell off the ducky? Oh, she fell off the piggy and she whacked her arm on the ducky. Uh-huh. I see. Well, the first thing I would do is question the horsy, 'cause he's right next to the piggy and is our most reliable witness.[weak chuckle] No, there's nothing funny about that, Mrs. Cassini. Nothing whatsoever. SOOKIE: Arms up, big boy. [She slips the dress shirt off him, leaving him in an undershirt and begins spot-cleaning the stain at the sink. ] JACKSON: No, a little girl being thrown from a pink, spring-loaded, bobbling piggy toy is very serious business. Yes, Mrs. Cassini. [walks off] LORELAI: I don't think that's gonna come out. SOOKIE: Poor guy. He's only got two dress shirts. [She continues to rub and blot the stain.] LORELAI: Well, maybe a big old bloodstain will help him. People will think there was an assassination attempt and be more sympathetic. [Lorelai glances out through the kitchen door and see Dean standing in the hall. As their eyes meet, Lorelai attempts a weak wave, but Dean immediately pretends to be distracted in another direction and leaves. Lorelai is puzzled. Jackson walks up again still talking on the cell phone.] JACKSON: I do. I hear what you're saying, Mrs. Cassini. Yes, Mrs. Cassini. I'll talk to my parks and recreation chairman and get this solved I promise. Goodbye, Mrs. Cassini. SOOKIE: It's a goner. JACKSON: I know how it feels. I gotta go. I got a Kiwanis luncheon. SOOKIE: Have fun. [she hands him back his shirt and returns to work. Jackson gathers his clothes and prepares to leave. Lorelai produces a rumpled, folded paper and offers to him.] LORELAI: Jackson, before you go, I need your John Hancock on that there. JACKSON: Oh yeah? LORELAI: Yeah, just right at the bottom. I was just ordering a ton of extra, you know, vegetables and stuff. It's just to sign and confirm that I'm ordering that stuff. [He unfolds the paper as she immediately takes interest out the window] JACKSON: Hey, this is for those extra parking spaces you need. It's selectman business. LORELAI: Really? JACKSON: Et tu, former friend? [He leaves as she calls after him] LORELAI: I just need your signature. It's your duty. [reluctantly takes paper and pen back] JACKSON: So impeach me. [Sookie appears and snatches the paper from Lorelai.] SOOKIE: I'll forge that for you. LORELAI: Thanks. CUT TO YALE'S BRANFORD COLLEGE CAMPUS CAFETERIA [Richard and Rory takes their laden trays to a nearby table and sit.] RICHARD: So Dickie high tails it to his office and e-mails me within seconds. RORY: Dickie's the other you at your office, right? RICHARD: Well, there's no other me. RORY: You know what I meant, Grandpa. RICHARD: Dickie and I share some duties. We lunch occasionally, socialize a bit. But he would cut my throat in a heartbeat, as I would his. RORY: It's like Rikers Island, except everyone drives a Jag. RICHARD: [chuckles] Well, Dickie made a mistake. He e-mailed me, thinking that I wouldn't read it for days, but I read it the minute he sent it. He figured my weekend starts at lunch on Fridays, as so many others do -- error followed by error. RORY: That man needs to reread his Sun Tzu. RICHARD: Anyway, that's why I am missing Friday Night dinner. Dickie and I are going to be in the Chicago office. RORY: Well, send me a postcard. RICHARD: I'm traveling much less, but I don't miss it. Thirty years ago, any chance I had to travel, I jumped at, but now... I'm talking a lot, aren't I? RORY: No. I mean, yes. But it's good. RICHARD: I don't want to be tiresome. RORY: Grandpa, you could never tire me. This is fun. RICHARD: Good. My valet isn't much of a conversationalist. He's the master of the monosyllable, although he can shine a shoe with the best of them. So, been reading anything good lately? RORY: I'm very into P.G. Wodehouse right now. RICHARD: Oh, that's great. RORY: You? RICHARD: Actually, I've had a personal triumph of late. RORY: Oh, yeah? What? RICHARD: I've just finished the sixth and final volume of "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire." RORY: [stunned] That *is* a triumph. RICHARD: I started it in 1968. So it took only -- what? -- 36 years to finish it. But by God, I finished it. RORY: Wow. That's quite a commitment. RICHARD: Well, I've had a little more time on my hands lately. Not as many evenings out as there once were. RORY: [quietly] Right. Not as many. RICHARD: You're still getting together with your grandmother tonight, aren't you? RORY: Uh-huh. RICHARD: Has she mentioned her car lately? RORY: Her car? RICHARD: It's due for its six-month service. I hope she isn't skipping those. RORY: I don't know. I'm happy to ask. RICHARD: Oh, no. That's too much trouble. I'll have Robert check with her maid. RORY: Okay. RICHARD: He may have to use upwards of six syllables for this one. I wish him luck. RORY: Couldn't you just ask her yourself, Grandpa? I mean, you're right there. RICHARD: No, I don't want to be an annoyance. RORY: Okay. But, Grandpa -- RICHARD: Chicken's getting cold. RORY: Right. RICHARD: I saw the most preposterous thing on TV the other night. It's been ages since I've just flipped through the channels, and the horrors to be discovered there. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER. [Luke wipes down a clear table. Lorelai enters.] LUKE: Hey, what brings you here? LORELAI: Caffeine withdrawal. And I like looking at you. [Luke returns behind the counter to fetch coffee as Lorelai approaches.] LUKE: To go? LORELAI: To go. [pulls open her purse] LUKE: Don't worry about it. LORELAI: Luke, this is your business. I've always paid, and I always should pay. LUKE: Fine, but don't tip me. Tipping now is weird. LORELAI: Okay. Besides, [exaggerated wink] I can tip you later. LUKE: That was weird, too. LORELAI: I'm a very awkward winker. LUKE: You're never supposed to tip me, anyway. LORELAI: What? LUKE: I'm the proprietor. You're not supposed to tip the proprietor, even when they serve you. [hands her the tall "to-go" cup of coffee] LORELAI: You mean all those years, that extra 20% was unnecessary? LUKE: [scoffs] You never tipped me 20%. LORELAI: Ooh. Now it's getting ugly. LUKE: You were a solid 15 percenter, sometimes less if the bill got higher. Way less if you were mad at me about something. LORELAI: [grinning] Well, it doesn't matter. I wasn't supposed to be tipping you, anyway. LUKE: True. LORELAI: In fact, I want a rebate. LUKE: What? LORELAI: [dryly] You've been ripping me off for ten years. LUKE: Have your lawyer call my lawyer. LORELAI: Thank you [picks up her steaming coffee] LUKE: [without pause] We still on for tomorrow night? LORELAI: Absolutely. LUKE: Talk to you later. LORELAI: Bye. CUT TO EXTERIOR OF LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai exits and almost bumps into Dean as he walks by. He is carrying his Doose's produce apron] DEAN: Oh hi, Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi, Dean. Um, good to bump into you. DEAN: Yeah, same here. [hesitatingly looks around] Um, you on your way back to work? LORELAI: Yeah. You? DEAN: Yeah. I'm going to Doose's. LORELAI: [conversationally] You were just at the inn. DEAN: Yeah, Tom wanted me to sand some doors down. They were getting a little warped. LORELAI: I saw you in the hallway there, but you looked kind of busy. DEAN: [slightly embarrassed] Yeah, I-I saw you, too. LORELAI: Oh. [Dean looks around uncomfortably] So, how's our girl? DEAN: Rory? LORELAI: Yeah. DEAN: Uh, she's good. I saw her like three days ago, or a couple days ago. But yeah, she's good. LORELAI: Good. Well, I talked to her this morning, so I win. [chuckles and smiles] Not that it's a contest. DEAN: [grins back] Right. LORELAI: Well, I guess I'll see you around. Next time you're at the inn, find me. We could have some coffee and chew the fat. Sounds like a disgusting combination, but anyway come by. DEAN: I will. Sure. Absolutely. LORELAI: Okay. DEAN: So have a good day. LORELAI: You too. [They both awkwardly part company] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE HOME - ENTRYWAY [ Doorbell rings ] EMILY: I'll get it, Sara. [Emily briskly approaches and opens the door.] LORELAI: Hi, Mom. EMILY: Come in, come in. LORELAI: I'm sorry I'm late. Traffic was bad. Some moron coming out of Stars Hollow decided to go the speed limit, which is -- ooh! [she stares into the foyer] What the hell is that? [A large metal boxlike structure stands in the center of the room.] EMILY: What does it look like? It's a panic room. LORELAI: Like Jodie Foster? EMILY: I have no idea. LORELAI: But it's very small. It's more like an anxiety room. EMILY: It's for one person. LORELAI: Huh? EMILY: You could maybe squeeze two in. [Lorelai approaches the large object and begins fussing with it. Opening the door and looking inside] LORELAI: And when those two are done panicking, the next couple of panickers get a turn? EMILY: It's primarily for me. LORELAI: Why the foyer? EMILY: It was supposed to go upstairs, but the boors who delivered it claimed they weren't told about the stairs, so they didn't have the right equipment. LORELAI: Hey, let's test it out. I'm gonna get you. [raises her hands like claws] EMILY: [disgusted] Oh, my God. LORELAI: You better get in there, 'cause I'm a bad guy. Baah! EMILY: Stop it. LORELAI: I'm menacing. Panic, damn it. Come on. EMILY: There's nothing funny about this. [ Doorbell rings ] LORELAI: Oh! Get in, quick! Quick! EMILY: Stop it. [Emily walks to the door to open it. Rory kisses Emily's cheek and enters.] RORY: Hi, Grandma. So -- hey, what's that? [Lorelai stands next to the heavy structure like a car show model.] LORELAI: I know how to protect you from shrapnel and Agent Orange. Ask me how. EMILY: It's a panic room. RORY: Like Jodie Foster? EMILY: What does Jodie Foster have to do with this? LORELAI: [teasing] You need one for your dorm. EMILY: That's not a stupid thought. It'll stop a 9-millimeter shell. LORELAI: Handy for when Suge Knight comes for tea. RORY: Why is it here? EMILY: It's a long story. Come, let's have drinks and forget about the panic room. What'll you have? LORELAI: Gin martini. RORY: A soda with lime. EMILY: This little rinky-dink cart has nothing. LORELAI: Dad got the big one? EMILY: He stole it away in the dark of night, so I'm stranded. I had our minister over a couple of days ago, and he had to go without his whiskey sour. LORELAI: I bet he excommunicated you on the spot. EMILY: I've got vermouth, but no gin. [sarcastic] Perfect. [calls out loudly] Sara? [Sara, the maid, descends the stairs and approaches hurriedly] SARA: Yes, ma'am? EMILY: I need gin. Check everywhere. LORELAI: Including the bathtub. EMILY: Start with the pantry. SARA: Yes, ma'am. [Sara exits as Emily joins Lorelai and Rory] EMILY: You know, the main reason I got the panic room is because I'm a woman living alone. LORELAI: Well, let the record show I did not bring up the panic room. EMILY: Do you know I've never lived alone? I went from my parents' house to college to Richard. RORY: But, Grandma, you're not alone alone. Grandpa is only a few feet away. EMILY: He might as well be a million miles away. I don't even know if your grandfather would look up from his stamp collection if he heard me scream. RORY: That's not true. LORELAI: Unless his nose got stuck to the stamp in the book and he physically couldn't look up. [Rory looks reprovingly at Lorelai] It happens. EMILY: He's gone so much, he's no protection, anyway. He just left on some business trip, and it's an afterthought that he even bothered to tell me about it at all. RORY: But he told you, so that's not an afterthought. That's a thought - a very thoughtful thought. EMILY: I'm sure it was in some way for his own convenience. SARA: [returns empty-handed] There's no gin anywhere, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Oh, perfect. SARA: I'll check the bathtub now. EMILY: That was a joke, Sara. Lorelai, please don't joke with the maids. It's not what they do. LORELAI: Sorry. EMILY: [to Sara] Check Mr. Gilmore's study. SARA: Yes, ma'am. [exits] EMILY: I should just call Richard myself and drag him away from whatever business meal he is having and make him tell me. RORY: It's okay. Mom doesn't need a martini. [to her mother] Right? LORELAI: Yeah. Right. I'll take what you got. What's good enough for the minister is good enough for me. EMILY: Your hands are empty. SARA: [returns a little more tentatively] The door to the study is locked. EMILY: He locked the study? LORELAI: Mom, really, I don't need gin. I'll take whatever you have. EMILY: I don't have anything. That's the problem. Come on. [she stands up] RORY: Come on where? EMILY: [pulls a set of keys from the nearby bureau a walks off.] I'm not going to let Richard's business trip keep you from having the drink you want. RORY: Grandma, wait. [Lorelai and Rory follow Emily] CUT TO POOL HOUSE - RICHARD'S PRIMARY RESIDENCE [Emily enters the darkened room and flips on the nearby light switch] RORY: Should we really be doing this? EMILY: Oh, that he can live in this squalor. LORELAI: It's another Calcutta. Is that open sewage? EMILY: It certainly smells like a sewer in here. RORY: It's his cigars. That's the smell. EMILY: It's more than cigars. It's debauchery. LORELAI: [dryly] Yeah. Dad mentioned he had the Barbi twins up here a couple nights ago. He and his butler have a little "auto focus" thing going on. RORY: Well, the drink cart's over there, Grandma. We can grab the gin and vamoose. LORELAI: [shtick] No, she's got vamoose, remember? It's the gin we need. - But you know - EMILY: He must have five packs of breath mints here. Why would a man need five packs of breath mints? LORELAI: It could be the gorgonzola and onion diet he's on. It has its drawbacks. RORY: Grandma, I feel kind of weird snooping like this. [Emily slides open desk drawers and snoops before wandering across the room] EMILY: This is my property as much as his, and when we die, it'll be yours. We're all entitled here. He's got some new books. [browses though the bookcase] LORELAI: Hey, my Petunia Pig plate and spoon. What's it doing here? EMILY: Oh, odds and ends wound up out here over the years. LORELAI: This is not an odd nor an end. It's my Petunia Pig and I'm taking it. RORY: It's not yours to take. LORELAI: [stubbornly] Dad's not using my Petunia Pig spoon. EMILY: I say take it. LORELAI: Hey, Mom, what are we carrying our booty home in? Do you have a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it? RORY: Okay. Just to remind you once again, the drink cart is right over here. Oh, and I think I spot gin. It's brown, right? LORELAI: I love that you think that. [spies Emily in Richard's closet] Looking for skeletons? EMILY: I'm just looking. RORY: Oh, man. I spilled a ton of scotch on my skirt. Who's not closing these bottles? EMILY: Oh, my God. LORELAI: Did you really find a skeleton? RORY: Okay, Gin -- it's clear, it's in my hand, and it looks good enough for a minister. Let's go. EMILY: Oh, my God. Will you look at this? [Shocked, she pulls out a vest dressed in colorful sequins] RORY: Bright. LORELAI: [dryly] And tasteful. EMILY: It's a vest. RORY: Grandpa has lots of vests. EMILY: It's got glitter. It's a glitter vest. LORELAI: So? EMILY: So? Where would your father wear a vest like this? Certainly nowhere he ever would've taken me. RORY: Grandma, it's just a vest. LORELAI: Yeah Mom. There's tons of places he would wear that. EMILY: Name one. LORELAI: Okay, I'm at a loss. EMILY: This is insane. LORELAI: Mom, this is the place where unwanted things came to repose. Maybe it's a vest of his from the old days. EMILY: Our days never included Richard dressing up like that gay fellow whose tiger tried to eat him. I have definitely, positively never seen this vest. This is a party vest. LORELAI: Okay, just put it back, Mom, and let's go. EMILY: [holds out the festive garment] You put it back. RORY: You know, we've moved a lot of stuff around here tonight. We've got to cover our tracks. LORELAI: Where did you find it? EMILY: Squished in the middle, as if he was hiding it from me. LORELAI: [mutters as she returns the vest to the closet] Can you blame him? It's hideous. EMILY: How dare he have a vest like that. RORY: Okay, the mints looked something like this, right? EMILY: That devious man. LORELAI: [pushing Emily across the room and out the door] Come on, Mom, let's go. RORY: [sees the dish and spoon on sofa table -panics] Mom, Petunia Pig. LORELAI: Grab it. [Rory rushes back and snatches up the dish and spoon. She makes a small adjustment to the nearby vase before switching off the lights and following.] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER EXTERIOR - EVENING. [ Camera POV looks inside the lighted interior. Lorelai and Rory are the only customers as busboy carries tub past. Luke is carrying food from behind counter. ] RORY: I have never seen Grandma so singularly obsessed about a piece of clothing. CUT TO INTERIOR OF LUKE'S DINER - LORELAI AND RORY'S TABLE LORELAI: Not since I wore my "Gas, Grass, or Ass -- No one rides for free" t-shirt to the junior league spring tea. LUKE: Here we go. Boysenberry pie with ice cream. Hot fudge sundae. Half a grapefruit. RORY: I don't want a grapefruit. LUKE: It's good for you. RORY: Kinda my point. LUKE: It's too late for her, but not for you. Eat it. LORELAI: The service is very rude. No tip for you. [to Rory] In fact, he actually owes us a lot of money because we weren't supposed to be tipping him all these years. RORY: I know. Customarily, you do not have to tip the proprietor of an establishment. [Luke looks proudly at Rory and checks Lorelai's reaction.] LORELAI: Why have we been tipping him all these years? RORY: We like him? LORELAI: Oh, that. [to Luke] Hey, bring us some coffee, and I promise this grapefruit will be eaten. LUKE: [skeptical] Okay. [Luke exits] LORELAI: How long is my nose? RORY: Very. [gobbles her ice cream] LORELAI: What's with the scarfing? RORY: Well, I figured since it's still early I'd stop by Dean's new place real quick and say hi. Is that okay? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. So he's out of the parents'? RORY: Yeah. He's sleeping on his friend Kyle's couch. It's just temporary. LORELAI: Great. You know, we could call him and have him meet us here if you want. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah. Plenty of pie, ice cream, grapefruit to go around. If we twist his arm, I bet Luke will throw in some raw spinach. RORY: I don't think it's a good idea. LORELAI: So skip the spinach. RORY: You know what I mean. LORELAI: No. What? RORY: It's been a little weird between you two. LORELAI: No, it hasn't. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: I just ran into him today. Didn't he tell you? RORY: Yeah. He said it was weird. LORELAI: Well, then it was only weird on his side, 'cause it wasn't on mine. RORY: Um-hm. LORELAI: Hey, how about I come along with you to Kyle's? He's back from the Navy, right? We could all hang out and hear his stories. He could teach us some sea chanteys, and I could tell Dean how not weird the situation is. See? That's how unweird it is for me. I'd do that. RORY: No. That'd be weird, too. LORELAI: I don't like it this way. RORY: I know. LORELAI: We all used to get together all the time for whatever and hang out. We had a great rhythm. I like Dean. I've always liked Dean. He has a great heart. I don't want it to be weird. RORY: Neither do I. Dean doesn't either. LORELAI: Well, then, what about tomorrow night? Let's all hook up then. RORY: All who? LORELAI: All of us. You know -- the gang -- the fearsome foursome. [Luke returns with two steaming coffee mugs.] How does that sound? LUKE: How does what sound? LORELAI: Doing something with Rory tomorrow night. RORY: You don't have to. LUKE: No, no really. That sounds great. We can all do something together. [nods enthusiastically to Rory] LORELAI: Yeah. It's a great idea. There's a ground swell of support. Let's do it. RORY: Okay, if you want. LORELAI: Yeah, we want, right? LUKE: Yeah. We want. [grins and nods supportively] LORELAI: Good. [to Rory] Go run it past Dean. LUKE: [his grin evaporates] Dean? RORY: I'm sure I can persuade him. LORELAI: Good. RORY: Yeah, good. I'll see you tomorrow night. [kisses her mom's cheek] LORELAI: Okay. See you tomorrow night. [Luke scratches his head in bewilderment] RORY: Bye, Luke. [Rory exits. Luke slips into Rory's vacated chair.] LUKE: [interrogates] Dean? Rory's seeing Dean? LORELAI: Yeah, you knew that. LUKE: No, I didn't. LORELAI: Wha - Didn't I tell you? LUKE: No. Since when? LORELAI: Since she got back from Europe. LUKE: I don't believe it. LORELAI: Haven't you seen them walking around? LUKE: No. Were you hiding it? LORELAI: No. I just - I wasn't sure when they wanted people to know or how I should tell people without getting hammered with a bunch of questions. LUKE: Was this before he left his wife or after? [realization] Did -- did he leave her for Rory? LORELAI: Like those. Questions just like those. LUKE: Sorry, it's just, you know, [futile look] Dean and Rory together again. LORELAI: Well, you can back out if you want. I kind of Shanghaied you there. LUKE: No. We can do it. I just have to wrap my mind around it. Dean. [gritting teeth] LORELAI: [gestures to the grin on her face] Dean. LUKE: Dean. All right. Well, I'll be right back. [exits back to kitchen] LORELAI: hmm. [covertly nudges the grapefruit dish away] CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM [Brian is showing Zach a new song he's written. They are working on it with their guitars. Lane looks on from behind her drum set.] BRIAN: "G." ZACH: "G." BRIAN: For four beats, back to "C" major then jump to "A" minor. ZACH: "C" minor to "A." BRIAN: Major. ZACH: "A" major. BRIAN: "A" minor after "C" major, then it's back to "G." ZACH: Yo, Kid Flash, slow down. I've got chops, but I'm not Les Paul. LANE: Follow the chart, Zach. You wrote it all down. ZACH: I can't look at the chart. It's depressing. LANE: How can a chord chart be depressing? ZACH: The title, "Brian's Song." BRIAN: It's a working title. ZACH: Well, it's bumming me out. It's reminding me of Billy Dee Williams and cancer. Change it. BRIAN: I have to change a working title? Come on. ZACH: Well, then leave it if you don't mind bumming every body out. Or change it to "Lepers Are Fun" or "Kiss My Scurvy." [Lane walks to the paper and scratches something on it.] LANE: Look. There. "Brian's Tune," okay? Good working title there. BRIAN: Okay. From the "G," we go to -- ZACH: Let's take five. I gotta clear my head. LANE: Okay. Five minutes. [The boys set down their guitars. ] BRIAN: I'm gonna go water the lawn. We're getting brown spots again. ZACH: Don't over water. That's not good for it, either. [Zach grabs a magazine and flops on the sofa, while Lane observes somewhat nervously.] LANE: So, how you doing, Zach? ZACH: Comme ci, comme ca. LANE: Anything new? ZACH: Went to the dentist. Said I'm brushing too vigorously. LANE: [conversationally]Oh interesting. 'Cause when you're a kid, they tell you to really go at it, ya know? ZACH: Another lie fed to our generation. LANE: Yeah. ZACH: And now I'm paying with eroding gums. Want to see 'em? LANE: [grossed] I'm good. So, anything else on your mind? ZACH: Not really. [long pause] Want a drink or anything? [he stands and goes to the kitchen] LANE: Nope. [sadly to herself] I want for nothing. CUT TO KYLE'S APARTMENT [ Doorbell rings. Kyle opens to door. ] RORY: Hi, Kyle. KYLE: Oh, hey, Rory. Come on in. [Rory enters and removes her jacket. Sparsely furnished, a wall-sized poster of Bob Dylan dominates one wall. Rory is startled.] RORY: Thanks. KYLE: Welcome to Casa Kyle. It's not the Taj Mahal, but it's cozy. You like Dylan? RORY: I think I better. KYLE: [chuckles] Yeah. I listened to a lot of Dylan out at sea. He really spoke to me. RORY: And you understood him? KYLE: [ Laughs ] Funny. RORY: So you look good. How you been doing? KYLE: Great. Navy's been fantastic. Bitchin' rehab, so I'm up and running. I can drive, type 60 words a minute. You know what else? RORY: No. What? KYLE: This thing is a real chick magnet. [holds up his prosthetic right arm with a hook at the end] Yeah. It's the Captain Hook thing. RORY: Well, good for you. [Dean enters from other room] DEAN: Hey. What are you doing here? RORY: Bonus visit. [they kiss] KYLE: Oh. I think I know what that means. I'm gonna make myself scarce. RORY: No, Kyle. It's okay. We don't want to put you out. KYLE: Don't worry, I gotta make some calls. Check my traps, if you know what I mean. Give a shout out to Cindy or Luene or maybe throw Stacy a little something. DEAN: He's been throwing it around a lot lately. KYLE: Everybody loves the Bionic Man. [ Cellphone rings ] That's not me. Mine plays "Superfreak." RORY: Sorry. It's me. KYLE: I'll leave you two to play. [he exits to the next room] RORY: Hello? CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT - HER BEDROOM [scene switches between her room and Kyle's apartment. Lane is pacing around in frustration.] LANE: Rory, listen, I like you, and I want to be more than just friends with you. RORY: What!? LANE: See? You reacted. That's what a person does after someone says that they like him or her, but in my case, it's him. [Rory and Dean both move to the couch and sit] RORY: Oh, we're talking Zach here. LANE: The inscrutable Zach. He's driving me crazy. I gave him ample opportunity to address the issue, and all he talked about was his eroding gums. RORY: Oh, sexy. [Dean is attempting to nuzzle with Rory, who smiles and attempts to dodge him.] LANE: He's really getting on my nerves, that guy. Where are you, school? [Dean is persistent] RORY: [giggles] No, I'm with Dean. He's staying with Kyle. LANE: Oh, how's his hook? RORY: Apparently it's a chick magnet. LANE: Well, say hi to Dean. RORY: [to Dean] Hi from Lane. DEAN: [calls into the phone] Hi, Lane! LANE: And call me back when you're less distracted. RORY: I will. Keep me posted. LANE: If there's anything to post. Bye. RORY: Bye. [puts away phone] So, tomorrow night. DEAN: Yeah. What time? RORY: Well, I can get here pretty early, but I just wanted to talk about plans with you. DEAN: Sure. What do you want to do? RORY: How about we go on a double date with my mom and Luke? DEAN: [looks doubtful] A double date? RORY: Yeah. DEAN: Won't that be awkward, weird, and about 50 other things like that? RORY: Mom and I already talked about the weird issue in detail, and it won't be. It was Mom's idea. DEAN: You're kidding. RORY: No. You're forgetting, we used to hang out all the time. We had fun. DEAN: That was a long time ago. [Dean stands and takes a couple steps away. Rory joins him.] RORY: Yeah, but we had fun. DEAN: I remember. RORY: Well, so does Mom. Come on. DEAN: [resigned] Okay. RORY: [stands and pulls on her jacket] Good. I'm off. [they kiss] DEAN: I hate these short visits. RORY: They're better than none, though. DEAN: I guess. [Kyle returns to the room] KYLE: Don't leave on my account, 'cause I'm outta here. A couple of my girls took the bait. I'm thinking about doing a back-to-backer. RORY: Well, I'm not leaving on your account. [to Dean] Tomorrow? [they kiss again] DEAN: Tomorrow. [Dean walks her out. "Superfreak" plays. Kyle sighs and reaches for his own cell phone ] KYLE: No rest for Kyle. [into the phone] Yeah? Hey, cool. Yeah, what are you doing around 11:30, baby? [ Laughs ] All right. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR SHOT CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE - INTERIOR - LIVINGROOM [Lorelai, dressed in casual clothes and trendy glasses, reclines on the sofa chatting on the phone. Her brightly striped stockinged feet rest on the coffee table.] LORELAI: So is meeting up at 6:30 cool? RORY: Good with us. What'd you have in mind? LORELAI: I'll surprise you with it, but it's a classic Stars Hollow slate of activities. RORY: So we're gonna T.P. Taylor's house again? LORELAI: Ugh. I wanted it to be a surprise. [call waiting beeps] Wait, hon. Hold on a sec. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Hello? EMILY: Lorelai, are you alone? LORELAI: Why? EMILY: Because I'm going to give you the code to open the panic room from the outside and I don't want to do it if you're not alone. LORELAI: Just hanging out here with my close friend Tex Watson. EMILY: This is not a joking matter. Can I trust you with this information? LORELAI: Maybe not. Maybe you should give it to someone else, someone closer. EMILY: Well, I can't trust a neighbor. LORELAI: How about Dad? EMILY: Oh, your father wouldn't come to my rescue if I was on fire. Besides, that vest of his is so loud he wouldn't be able to hear me screaming. LORELAI: Okay, Mom. Give me the code, and I will keep the code safe. [Resigned, she rises and walks to the desk for pen and paper] EMILY: Okay. Here goes. Are you ready? LORELAI: Pen is poised. EMILY: 1, 1, 1... 1, 1. LORELAI: [drops the pad back on desk] Is that the code it came with? EMILY: Well, I don't know how to change it. The men were supposed to show me, and now it's the code I'm stuck with. Did you write it down? LORELAI: Barring an aneurysm, I think I'll remember it. EMILY: Well, factor in an aneurysm and write it down. This is important. LORELAI: Okay. I'm writing it down. 1, 1, 1, 1, 1. [pretends to write down] EMILY: Don't say it out loud. LORELAI: Our football team is so great. We won, won, won, won, won. EMILY: Everything's a joke. LORELAI: [dryly] No, Mom, seriously. The mailman overheard. I gotta get off the phone and chase him down and whack him. EMILY: Hide that number. LORELAI: I will. Goodbye. EMILY: Goodbye. LORELAI: [clicks call waiting] I'm back. That was mom giving me the secret panic room code. RORY: She should just give it to Grandpa. [Lorelai returns to the couch and flops back onto it, again, resting her socked feet on the coffee table.] LORELAI: I suggested that, but she scoffed. Those two should just divorce and get it over with. RORY: Don't say that. LORELAI: I was just talking. RORY: It's not funny. LORELAI: But this standoff between them isn't good for anybody. Mom's getting more insane and sharing the insanity with me and everybody else. RORY: Divorce is not the answer. I can tell you for a fact that Grandpa is miserable. LORELAI: Really? He and Jeeves seem very happy in their new modern relationship. RORY: Grandpa misses Grandma terribly. LORELAI: Why? He say something like that? RORY: I just know. LORELAI: How? RORY: Yesterday, when we had lunch on campus, Grandpa told me that he finished "Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire." Hmm? You see? LORELAI: You want to de-Mensa the reference? RORY: No one sits at home alone reading that book unless it's a class assignment. It just doesn't happen. It's a honking long book. It's clearly a cry for help. LORELAI: You're very anti-intellectual. RORY: He asked me if Grandma had taken her car in for its six-month service. LORELAI: Hon, that's concern for her car, not for her. RORY: No, that's concern about Grandma and her safety. LORELAI: Why didn't you mention this to Mom at dinner? Maybe she would have been less panicked about what he's doing and the now-infamous glitter vest. RORY: I don't want to open a can of worms. LORELAI: How would that open up a can of worms? RORY: If I told her what I said, I'd have to tell her I had lunch with him, a lunch I had previously not informed her of and that would have made her jealous and defensive. The less you tell Grandma, the better. LORELAI: [She sits up with a mock gasp] By George, I think she's got it. RORY: What? LORELAI: I have been trying to burn that into your brain since you were a baby, but you stubbornly resisted. Now a breakthrough. I'm so proud. RORY: So 6:30, you said? LORELAI: By the gazebo. Dress is cas. RORY: I really, really, really hate what's going on with Grandma and Grandpa. LORELAI: I know, hon, but it's up to them to fix it. RORY: I guess. I'll see you tonight. LORELAI: Okay. See you tonight. Bye-bye. [She clicks phone off and tosses aside, then leans back to re-prop up her feet, pondering sadly] CUT TO RICHARD'S RESIDENCE IN THE POOL HOUSE [Richard relaxes while reading a book. Lorelai appears at the French doors and knocks. He stands to greet her.] RICHARD: Lorelai? This is a surprise. Did we have an appointment? LORELAI: Oh, no, I just stopped by to pick something up for Mom and apparently she's not home. RICHARD: She's at a D.A.R. Meeting. She's always there mid-Saturday afternoons. You should know that. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I guess I forgot. Maybe one day the entire D.A.R. will go collectively wiggy and meet on a late Saturday afternoon. RICHARD: I doubt that. Can I get you something? Water, soda? LORELAI: No, no, thanks. I'm fine. See you have your nose in your Proust. [They both sit] RICHARD: Yes, have you read him? LORELAI: Oh, I tried once. Struck out. [looks pointedly at a small dish near his chair] Whoa. That's a lot of Certs. RICHARD: You know how that is -- you pick one up, you forget you have it. You pick up another. The cycle continues. LORELAI: [mutters to self] Kind of like me and men. RICHARD: What? LORELAI: I don't know. Mom wasn't here, so there was a vacuum. [weak chuckle] [He leans over to gather up scattered news paper ] RICHARD: Ah. I'm sorry about the mess. My man is with his sick mother, and I'm kind of left in the lurch here. LORELAI: Ah, your Lurch left you in the lurch. Hey, is that where that's from? You know, Lurch on the "Addams Family"? 'Cause he would leave people in the lurch? RICHARD: I'm not familiar with the etymology of Lurch. LORELAI: So Lurch is away, you're back from your trip. Anything else new with you? RICHARD: Not that I can think of. LORELAI: How have you been spending your time lately? Anything new and fancy? RICHARD: Not really. I joined a barbershop quartet. LORELAI: Aha! RICHARD: What do you mean, "aha"? LORELAI: And what does the barbershop quartet entail? RICHARD: It's a musical group. We dress up in outfits. LORELAI: Aha! RICHARD: [annoyed] Stop saying that. LORELAI: What kind of outfits? RICHARD: Well, old-timey period things. LORELAI: Straw hats, vests? RICHARD: That kind of thing. And don't say "aha" again. It's loud. LORELAI: Dad, have you talked to Mom lately? RICHARD: Your mother has nothing to say to me. LORELAI: That's not true. I'm sure she'd be interested in what you're doing, like the quartet thing. RICHARD: Why? LORELAI: [gently] Why? You were together 40 years. RICHARD: She couldn't care less about what I do. LORELAI: Dad, you're still her husband. And if you're filling your nights with something, I'm sure she'd be curious what you're filling them with, as you would be with her.[she observes his pensive expression] Just think about it, okay? RICHARD: I'll tell Robert to tell your mother you were here when he gets back. LORELAI: Bye. [She gathers her purse and leaves, pausing at the door to smile encouragingly. Richard contemplates their words. ] [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN [Lane, sans glasses, is rinsing her hands in sink. Zach enters with shaving cream on face. Brian soon follows with toothbrush in mouth. They are all performing their own morning routine.] ZACH: When did the bathroom sink stop up? LANE: It just happened. I called the landlord. He's on it. ZACH: 'Cause we've got rights you know. This isn't Russia. BRIAN: Can I scoot in here? LANE: Sure. ZACH: Don't brush too hard, dude. I'd show you my gums, but you'd puke. BRIAN: What about flossing? ZACH: You mean the silent killer? It's a rope of destruction. BRIAN: Nothing's safe anymore. [Brian exits to other room. Lane concentrates on finishing touches to her makeup looking in a small mirror. Zach, standing behind her, attempts to use the same mirror.] ZACH: [calls after him while continuing to lather neck] Gentle little strokes. [to Lane] We still lack basic necessities, man. We've gotta get a plunger. LANE: [distantly] Yeah. ZACH: [casually] Wanna go today? LANE: Huh? ZACH: To get a plunger? I know a store that sells 'em used. LANE: [turns to face him] Zach? ZACH: Yeah? LANE: I've changed my mind. ZACH: [Deer in the headlights look] Huh? LANE: I've changed my mind. I'm taking it back. ZACH: Taking what back? LANE: I have no feelings for you. I was confused before, that's all, but not anymore. We're roommates and bandmates, and that's it, and that's all it'll ever be. [She exits as Brian re-enters to rinse and spit toothpaste in the kitchen sink. Zach is confused and stares at his hands filled with shaving foam.] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW OUTSIDE - EVENING [Arm in arm, Luke and Lorelai stroll through the grassy town square and pause. They both spy Rory and Dean approaching from a distance.] LUKE: Is that them? LORELAI: Yeah, that's Stretch and Skinny. LUKE: [grumbles] Oh, man, he's wearing nice slacks. LORELAI: I don't think so. LUKE: They're creased. LORELAI: That equals nice? LUKE: I hate that. It's hard enough getting dressed for a date. When you're gonna double with people, it's like dressing for four. LORELAI: Well, at least be thankful you're not wearing your penguin outfit. Then you really would have been out of place. LUKE: This is so not a slacks evening. LORELAI: Please stop saying slacks. That word is creepy. LUKE: Sorry. LORELAI: And don't mention the "S" word to them, okay? Dean is going to be uncomfortable enough as it is. [Luke nods without enthusiasm] We don't want him to think that we're judging him, or that you're inordinately interested in his pants. [Rory and Dean walk up] LORELAI: Hi, hi. RORY: Hi. [mother and daughter hug and kiss affectionately] [After a momentary awkwardness holding out hand to shake, she warmly hugs Dean.] LORELAI: Dean. Hi. Hi. DEAN: Oh, hi. LORELAI: Wow, this is going to be fun. DEAN: Yeah, absolutely. [Luke holds out his hand in greeting.] LUKE: How you doing, buddy? DEAN: Yeah, good. How you doing? [They shake hands in a manly greeting] LORELAI: Too bad you weren't holding a trophy. That would have made a great picture. RORY: So what's on the agenda? LORELAI: We grab some takeout then hit the "Black, White, and Read" movie theater. DEAN: Cool. RORY: I miss that place. It's been forever. LORELAI: They're playing a great movie tonight. [nudges Luke with her elbow] "Cool Hand Luke." LUKE: Not too shabby. RORY: Let's go get the food. DEAN: [glances over his shoulder] Well, good timing. No line at Jojo's. LUKE: Let's just get the stuff at my place. LORELAI: Why? LUKE: Same kind of food, but better. RORY: Yours is way better. LORELAI: [grins] That's why we're going to Jojo's. LUKE: [clueless look to Lorelai] What? DEAN: Allow me. LORELAI: Take it. DEAN: We always do Jojo's on B.W.R. Nights. LORELAI: That's short for "Black, White, and Read" movie theater. That's our little nickname. LUKE: [grumbles] I'm following it. DEAN: Because your stuff is good and has to be eaten pretty quickly. If it sits around, it starts to suck. LUKE: That's true of all food. DEAN: Ah, But not Jojo's. Jojo's sucks to begin with, so it's no worse when you eat it later. RORY: It's a relativity thing. Einstein and whatnot. LORELAI: The secret is Jojo's chili. [motions with her hands] The chili acts as a seal. RORY: Jojo's burgers could travel to China, and they'd still be just as good. DEAN: Because they start off bad. LORELAI: Get it? LUKE: [deadpan] Not really. LORELAI: Good, then let's go. [grabs his arm as they all walk off] Plus, Jojo's is cheaper. LUKE: 'Cause it sucks. LORELAI: I'm just saying. RORY: Jojo is going to be so excited to be making a sale. CUT TO THE BLACK, WHITE AND READ BOOKSTORE - MOVIE THEATER. [Lorelai, Rory, Luke and Dean enter and look around the vacant room] LORELAI: Hello? LUKE: Are they open? RORY: The sign said they were. LORELAI: Hello? [Startled, Kirk hops up from his sleep on the sofa] KIRK: I have a gun! LORELAI: Chill out, Kirk. We're here for the movie. KIRK: You were supposed to pay out front. LORELAI: You weren't out front. LUKE: Here's $20. KIRK: That's too much. LUKE: Keep the change. KIRK: You can get in 16 more people for that. LUKE: Put it towards the popcorn. RORY: [gleefully] Let's sit. [The guys carry greasy paper bags as they move to front of the room where a large, bright red sofa rests] LORELAI: Yes, yes. Ooh, let's take Big Red. RORY: [enthusiastically] Yes, Big Red. DEAN: That's the name for the couch. LUKE: Yes, thanks. I kind of caught onto that. [Luke and Dean fumble to the seat assignment] DEAN: Oh, sorry. LUKE: No, no, no you go. DEAN: That's okay. LUKE: No, that's fine. It's the same down here. [Luke shifts to the opposite end of the sofa and sits. They all settle with the girls sitting in the middle.] LORLEAI: Cool, we have a short feature to start. "The Katzenjammer kids try to sit on the couch." RORY: Whoa, I love the emptiness. LORELAI: Ah, means we can talk during the movie. LUKE: Would people being here have stopped you? LORELAI: We would have hesitated ever so slightly. RORY: Food, food! [Dean and Luke open their respective bags to dispense the food inside. Kirk walks formally to the front of the room and speaks as if to a large audience] KIRK: Hello, everybody, and welcome to the "Black, White, and Read Theater". How are we all doing tonight? LORELAI: Good, Kirk. How are you? KIRK: Good, I'm Kirk. I'm very proud to announce that tonight's feature presentation is the classic "Cool Hand Luke." [ Rory and Lorelai cheer ] But I'm deeply sorry to report that the first reel of the movie inexplicably caught fire earlier this evening. RORY: Oh, no! LORELAI: That's what happens when Richard Pryor is your projectionist. KIRK: I can still show you the film, but you'd miss the first 25 minutes. I'd be happy to recap what you'd miss, or even act it out for you. I must say, I do a wicked George Kennedy. [Lorelai shares her French fries with Luke.] RORY: [politely inquires to the others] What do you think? LUKE: [nabs another fry] First 25 minutes are pretty important. DEAN: I agree. LORELAI: But having Kirk reenact things can be pretty disturbing. He totally ruined "Last Tango in Paris" for me. RORY: What are our options in place of "Cool Hand," Kirk? KIRK: I can offer you anything from the theater's library of films. LORELAI: What have you got? KIRK: A series of graphically violent driver's education films or "The Adventures of Pippi Longstocking." RORY: Pippi! LORELAI: Yay! Pippi! "Annika, it's Pippi!" KIRK: "Pippi Longstocking" it is. Enjoy your film. [he exits] LORLEAI: How long has it been since we've seen "Pippi Longstocking?" RORY: Too long. LORELAI: That's gotta be one of our most watched films ever. RORY: Oh, it's up there. DEAN: I've seen it at least three times with you two. LUKE: [absently munches on another French fry] Isn't it some kind of kids movie? [Lorelai's head snaps to look at Luke] LORELAI: Wait a minute. Have you never seen this movie? LUKE: Never. LORELAI: [gravely looks at Rory] We got us a "Pippi" virgin. RORY: [solemnly] I didn't think there were any left. LORELAI: [To Luke] And it's not a kids movie. RORY: It's a classic of surrealism. LORELAI: And bizarre cinematography. RORY: And atonal singing. LORLEAI: And forced acting. [The room darkens and light from the screen reflects off their faces and the well beloved openening theme song from the movie begins. Lorleai and Rory sing along with the music.] RORY and LORELAI: [sings] "Freckles on her nose, diddle diddle dee, a girl came riding, into town one day, diddle diddle dee, was quite a sight. It's Pippi Longstocking he ho ho ah he ha ha, it's Pippi Longstocking there's no one like her. Happy as can be, diddle diddle dippy, tells you stories you just wait and see, tra la la la la " LUKE: What happened to her hair? LORELAI: She's between stylists now. It's very awkward. LUKE: Unbelievable. [Luke then shifts his attention to Dean and Rory as they snuggle closer to each other.] MOVIE VOICE: ...A monkey and a horse, a suitcase full of golden coins and you amazed... [Lorelai absently notices his distraction] LORELAI: You okay? LUKE: Yeah, yeah. Of course. [As Lorelai's attention returns to the film, he continues to stare at Dean and Rory.] CUT TO OUTSIDE BLACK, WHITE AND READ BOOKSTORE - STORE FRONT [View of the storefront showing the hanging shingle proudly displaying the store's name] CUT TO INSIDE THE "B, W AND R" THEATER ROOM [The only four audience members are watching with intense interest.] PIPPI: Of course I will. I'll behave just like a fine lady. [Cuts to the movie POV - Pippy is holding a strangely spotted horse over her head using a cheap camera effect. The camera POV shifts back to the red sofa - panning from left to right.] DEAN: Not a bad effect. RORY: I don't think George Lucas is shaking in his boots, though. LORELAI: I've always wanted to lift an immense quadruped over my head. LUKE: Shh. LORELAI: What? LUKE: I can't hear anything. LORELAI: Oh. I'll speak up. LUKE: Not you -- the movie. [CHANGE TO MOVIE POV] LITTLE TOMMY IN FILM: [holds up immense shoes with curling toes] Why do you wear such large shoes? PIPPI: [soaks her bare feet in a large tub of water] I love wiggling my toes, and I need plenty of room. [ Laughing as she jumps and splashes the water ] CHILD'S VOICE: Hey, look at her. [CHANGE TO SOFA POV] LUKE: [curiously serious] I still don't understand why every merchant in town takes her gold coins as payment without questioning where she got them.. LORELAI: Her father's a cannibal king. Everyone knows they're lousy with gold. LUKE: This was a book, right? I should get the book. [he glances down to see Dean snacking on the tub of popcorn] Hey, you want to pass the popcorn there, buddy? DEAN: [sheepishly hands the tub over] Oh, yeah. Sorry. LORELAI: Oh, hey, we're below quarter full with the tub. You guys wanna fetch a refill? RORY: Sure. And drinks. [Dean and Rory stand to go retrieve the snacks] LUKE: Thanks, Rory. [Dean and Rory stand before and obviously occupied Kirk. Dean clears his throat. ] DEAN: Kirk? Kirk? Yo. [nudges a foot and interrupts Kirk and Lulu making out.] RORY: Hey, Lulu. LULU: [grins sheepishly] Hi, Rory. Hi, Dean. DEAN: Hi. [rattles the near empty tub] We're needing more popcorn. [Kirk hops to his feet] KIRK: Coming up. [to Lulu] Hold that thought LULU: I will. KIRK: Boy, "Pippi"'s a great make-out movie. Much better than "Blood on the Highway" or "That's my Daughter's Head." CUT TO BACK AT THE SOFA [Lorelai and Luke absently watch the movie] LORELAI: Hey, Cool Hand? LUKE: Hmm? LORELAI: Try to drop the 'tude. LUKE: What 'tude? LORELAI: You practically barked at Dean to pass the popcorn. LUKE: I didn't bark at him. Besides, he was hogging it. LORELAI: Mm-hmm. Say "popcorn" more nicely, please. LUKE: I'll try. LORELAI: Good. LUKE: Does he have to be all over her like that? LORELAI: Who? Kirk? It's healthy for him. His complexion has never been better. LUKE: Dean. LORELAI: All they were doing was holding hands. LUKE: [dryly] Yeah. It was that innocent. LORELAI: Unless he has a third hand, he wasn't holding anything he wasn't supposed to be holding. LUKE: And the way he grabbed that drink from her and started slurping on it. LORELAI: She gave it to him to drink. Come on, chill. For me. And for Rory. It's important. LUKE: I said I will, and I will. [Rory and Dean return with drinks and full tub of popcorn.] LORELAI: Thanks, guys. RORY: Mm-hmm. [Dean hands the popcorn to Luke before sitting] LUKE: [slightly exaggerated] Thank you, Dean. DEAN: No problem. [Dean continues snuggling with Rory as they all return to watching the movie. Luke's attention wanders and soon resumes watching Dean suspiciously.] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER - INTERIOR - NIGHT [Lane wipes down the front counter. Zach enters.] LANE: Hi, Zach. ZACH: I got something to say. LANE: Okay. ZACH: You've known me for two years. You've seen the good and the bad. LANE: [enthusiastically] Oh, yeah! [noting his serious expression] I mean, yes. ZACH: You probably know me better than most people, including my parents. Neither of them have seen me cry during "Dances With Wolves," and you have. LANE: What's this about, Zach? ZACH: You, of all people, know that it takes me a while to process things, okay? You saw how long it took me to get that chord change in "Brian's Tune." LANE: It was a tricky chord change. It wasn't your fault. ZACH: [exasperated] Whatever. It's just the way it is. Now, I may not be fast, but that's what we're dealing with here. And this issue with me and you is going to take longer than a chord change, okay? LANE: Sure. ZACH: I hope you weren't expecting an "Officer and a Gentleman" kind of thing when I came in just now. LANE: I was not expecting that. ZACH: Good. So we clear? LANE: Yes. ZACH: Good. [nods and glances around unsure] LANE: You want something to eat? ZACH: Yes. LANE: Name it. ZACH: Give me a minute, okay? LANE: Sorry. Sure. Take a minute. [She smiles quietly as she watches Zach] [Zach stares off considering his options] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE - EVENING [The foursome enter front door. Luke is discussing the movie] LUKE: Did she own that house she lived in before she rode the horse into town, or did she buy it with her gold coins? RORY: That's a good question. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I see a prequel in the works. "The Adventures of Pippi in Escrow." DEAN: I'd go see it. LORELAI: So, beverages. Shout 'em out. RORY: Water. LUKE: Beer. DEAN: Yeah, beer sounds good. LUKE: [ Chuckles ] Oh, you're serious. You want a beer? DEAN: Yeah. LUKE: Yeah, okay. Bring him a beer. He's not driving... [under his breath] or 21. DEAN: Fine. I won't have a beer. LUKE: [dryly] No, buddy, go ahead. Have a beer if you want one. You're tall. You've got slacks. You can have one. DEAN: I don't want one anymore. LORELAI: Can I substitute something for you? DEAN: Water, I guess. LUKE: Put some barley and hops in it, buddy. No one's judging here. DEAN: [firmly] Water. RORY: We have good water here, right Mom? LORELAI: [rapid-fire speech] Oh, yeah -- and I'll bring out a couple of extra beers, and those of us who want them can grab them as need be. Just keep an eye on Rory, or she'll grab them all for herself. RORY: [replies with equally fast chatter] I'll try to refrain. Need help? LORELAI: [says quickly before exiting to kitchen] No, you stay, entertain. I'll be right back. [uncomfortable silence. The guys are looking anywhere but at each other.] RORY: Hey, remember when you guys were on a softball team together? [another silent pause, before Dean walks to the couch and sits. Luke examines the nearby desk.] DEAN: It was just a pickup game. RORY: But you guys played a neighboring town, right? I forget which one. Um... but I do remember that you guys did Stars Hollow proud. In fact, I think it's probably the best team Stars Hollow has ever thrown. Or however you would word that phrase I attempted in the proper softball vernacular. [She removes her jacket and joins Dean on the sofa.] LUKE: Yeah, well, I haven't played in awhile. DEAN: [quietly] Same here. [another long pause, before Rory attempts to break the silence by humming] RORY: Dum de dum dum dum. [Lorelai enters with a tray of drinks, water glasses and beer bottles. Luke takes one] LORELAI: What's that? A song? RORY: No, it's just dum de dum dum. LORELAI: Okay. Well, here are the beverages. [sets tray on coffee table] DEAN: Thanks. LUKE: Thanks. [takes a sip] LORELAI: [glances around the tense room.] I'll be right back. RORY: [frantically follows] Where are you going? [Lorelai walks to the hall closet] LORELAI: It's time to bring out the Bop It. RORY: [ Gasps ] Bop It! Yes, yes! Good idea. [They return to the living room] LORELAI: Hey, look what I found. Bop It! Who wants to play? RORY: [exaggerated excitement] I want to play! LORELAI: Let's all play. You guys know how to play? DEAN: [somewhat unenthusiastically] I've played it here before. RORY: Yeah, he has. LORELAI: Yeah, I remember. Hey, Cool Hand. LUKE: What is it? LORELAI: Oh, well... each guy holds one of the handles. [Rory and Lorelai both grip a handle] And you start up, and then you do whatever it says. You twist it or pull it or Bop It until one of you's out. [Luke watches them unimpressed] Watch. I'll be yellow. You be green. [Lorelai and Rory demonstrate the game and begin by tapping the game gripped between them.] GAME VOICE: Twist it. [Lorelai quickly twists yellow knob]. Pull it. [Lorelai pulls another knob] Bop it. [Lorelai reacts before Rory can move.]. Yellow. [switches to Rory's turn ]. Flick it. [Rory hesitates... ]. Ow! [Lorelai grins as Rory is defeated] LORELAI: Okay, you try it. [to Luke and Dean, neither look impressed.] RORY: Come on. [encouragingly to Dean] LORELAI: It looks like Luke is green, and Dean is yellow. [Lorelai position the two guys and hand them the game before returning to the sofa. Both girls sit.] RORY: We've got ourselves a contest here. LORELAI: Yep. [The two men stand facing each other without reacting] DEAN: You wanna do a practice run? LUKE: It's not that complicated. DEAN: Okay. Here we go. [he activates the game] GAME VOICE: Twist it. [Dean twists the yellow knob ] Spin it. [ Luke spins another knob]. Pull it. [Dean hurriedly pulls another knob]. Pull it. [Dean quickly reacts as they both struggle with the plastic game]. Flick it. [Luke reacts quickly. They both struggle harder as they grip the game.]. LORELAI: Don't hurt the Bop It, guys. It's got feelings too. GAME VOICE: Pull it. [Luke quickly reacts]. Bop it. [Luke reacts again roughly]. RORY: Looks like it's a draw. LORELAI: Good going, guys. Why don't you take a break? [but they continue playing determinedly.] GAME VOICE: Green. Twist it. Twist it. Twist it. Bop it. [Dean misses a turn] Ow! Green wins! LUKE: [taunting as he waves the plastic toy] Yeah! In your face! In your face! DEAN: Fine. You won. LUKE: [gloating] I hammered you, buddy. DEAN: It's just a stupid game. LUKE: Says the loser. [He walks off. The girls both look very unhappy.] DEAN: [shrugs to the girls] I gotta go. RORY: Already? [she stands to follow him to the door] DEAN: Yeah, it's getting late. Thank you, Lorelai. Thanks for everything. LORELAI: [warmly] You're welcome, Dean. Anytime. [near the front door:] DEAN: [quietly] I'll call you later. RORY: Okay. [they kiss] Yeah, call me. [Dean exits and Rory turns around with a determined look] RORY: Thanks a lot. LUKE: What did I do? LORELAI: Rory... RORY: We shouldn't have gone out like this if people didn't want to. LUKE: No, Rory, I wanted to. RORY: You made no effort. LUKE: I did. I swear. LORELAI: Look, we can talk about this later. LUKE: He had some sort of chip on his shoulder. RORY: Oh, come on, Luke. You're the reason we had to pull out the Bop It. LUKE: What? LORELAI: Bop It's what we bring out for social gatherings that need mouth to mouth. RORY: I'm going back to school. [grabs her jacket and pull it on] LUKE: Rory, wait. I feel awful here. RORY: No, it's okay. Whatever. Bye, Mom. [gives her a quick kiss] LORELAI: Bye, honey. Drive safely. LUKE: [helplessly watches her leave] Yeah, drive safe. [ Sighs ] I feel awful. [He sits on the sofa stewing] LORELAI: Well, it's -- you know, it's my fault. I forced this. LUKE: It's not your fault. I shouldn't have said yes to a double date. LORELAI: Well, I wanted to do this. LUKE: But I can't be around that guy. I knew that, and I said yes anyway. LORELAI: Why can't you be around him? [He jumps up and starts pacing] LUKE: Because he's not good for her. LORELAI: Luke... LUKE: [adamantly] He's not. He's not right for her. LORELAI: You're mad at Dean from years past. What's past is past. They're a couple now. Do you even remember why you're mad at him? LUKE: He's a punk. That's what I remember. Just look at his history. He broke her heart before. LORELAI: Their problems were mutual. You don't know the whole story. LUKE: [emphatically] He got married and bailed out before the honeymoon was even over. LORELAI: When you're young, you make mistakes. LUKE: He was pining for Rory, and he got married. That's unstable. LORELAI: He's 19. Give him a break. LUKE: He doesn't know what he wants. He's proven that. How can Rory trust him now? LORELAI: Matters of the heart are not science. There are no sure things. LUKE: [stubbornly] He's not good enough for her. LORELAI: Well, who is? Jess? LUKE: No, not Jess. A prince, maybe. One that's in line to be king. Not one of those waiting-for-a-brother-to-die ones, but a real one. If not a prince, someone who's gonna be good for her. You know, Rory is like Pippi. LORELAI: Pippi? LUKE: She can have adventures and be free, she's smart. The whole world's waiting for her. LORELAI: [disbelief] You're comparing Rory to Pippi Longstocking? LUKE: [counting attributes on his fingers] Pippi is strong and independent. She can lift a horse above her head. Uh-huh. And beat up bullies and build a hot-air balloon. She's unique, like Rory. But I guarantee you, if Pippi had met Dean, [Lorelai sighs] there would be no horse, no balloons. He'd drag her down to his level, spend all her gold coins, and poof, like that, all her dreams would be gone. LORELAI: It's Rory's choice who she chooses to be with. Not yours, not mine. LUKE: Does it feel right to you? Are you okay with this Rory-and-Dean thing? LORELAI: [quietly] I just need this to work. LUKE: Look at me. Not stopping till he's upset every person that means anything in the world to him in one night. [he pulls her into a long tight hug. After a long pause...] You want a beer? [She answers without hesitation] LORELAI: Yes. [ She sighs as they both sit on the sofa ] Maybe if I brought out the Twister. LUKE: Maybe. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE HOME - SAME EVENING [Emily is sitting at a small desk writing letters. Sound of the front door closing. ] EMILY: Who is it? [Richard enters] RICHARD: I hope this isn't a bad time. EMILY: No, I was just catching up on some correspondence. RICHARD: I just wanted to let you know that our property tax bill is wrong this year. I'm contesting it. In case they call here, I wanted to let you know. EMILY: Fine. Thank you. RICHARD: You're welcome. [He takes a step as if to leave. After a pause Emily returns to her letters] Oh, and I've joined a barbershop quartet. EMILY: Oh. RICHARD: Yeah, we do it up right. Dress in period costumes. These silly vests and things. We've performed a couple of times at charity events. EMILY: [small private smile] All right. RICHARD: It's part of a barbershop chorus. That's a group of about 30. EMILY: [smiles] Very good. RICHARD: I guess I'll be going. [He turns to leave and spies the large metal structure in the foyer.] EMILY: I bought a panic room. RICHARD: [showing no reaction as he looks back] Very good. [He leaves] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW STREET - SAME EVENING [Rory, drives her Toyota Prius through the street and spots Dean walking home. She slows to a stop and he approaches her open window] RORY: Hey. DEAN: Hi. [grins with good humor] Well, I guess that was a bust, huh? RORY: Sorry. Maybe it was too soon. DEAN: Well, your mom was real nice. RORY: She was great. DEAN: Thank her for me, okay? RORY: I will. It was fun for a while there, though, wasn't it? [smiling while remembering] DEAN: [grins comfortably] Yeah. The movie was. It was real fun. RORY: [slightly wistful] Like the old days. DEAN: Like the old days. [after a pause] I'd invite you over, but Kyle's entertaining some buddies. RORY: I should go anyway. Want a ride? DEAN: I'm almost there. RORY: Okay. Kiss. [he leans in and they kiss sweetly] Bye. DEAN: Bye. [she watches him walk off, before putting car in gear and driving slowly off, deep in thought]

The demands of the electorate are beginning to get to Jackson. Lorelai and Rory delicately nudge Richard and Emily closer together. Lorelai decides that a double date with Rory and Dean is the way to smooth over the bumps in her relationship with Dean, but the evening goes awry when Luke can't get over feeling that Dean isn't good enough for Rory. Richard takes up a new hobby, and Emily buys a panic room. Failing to get a response from Zack about the declaration of her feelings, Lane rescinds them, which finally gets Zack talking. Lorelai introduces Luke to " Pippi Longstocking " as Kirk gets much better acquainted with Lulu during movie night at the Black & White & Read Bookstore.

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MUSIC IN: EXT. BEACH - NIGHT (SFX: MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) (SFX: CAMPFIRE B.G.) (SFX: GUNFIRE) DAVE: Hey, did you hear that? SARAH: Yeah. I've always dug the Eighties. (MUSIC OUT) (SFX: VOICES SHOUT) DAVE: Hey! Shut up! Shut up! You hear that? (SFX: GUNFIRE CONTINUES) SARAH: Sounds like fireworks. DAVE: I don't see any. That's gunfire! (SFX: RAPID GUNFIRE) SARAH: Well, whatever it was, it's over now. DAVE: Not yet! (SFX: BOAT ENGINE) DAVE: Look out!(SCREAMS) (SFX: POWER BOAT DRIVES ONTO THE BEACH) DAVE: There's no one in it!(DAVE WALKS TO THE BOAT) DAVE: Fireworks, my ass! It's all shot up! (MOTOR STOPS) (MUSIC OVER OPENING CREDITS AND OUT) (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY "SEADOG"(ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: Hey. KATE: Morning. How was your weekend? GIBBS: What have we got? KATE: So much for small talk. TONY: Car crash in Quantico last night. No fatalities. GIBBS: Next. TONY: Petty Officer caught shoplifting at Bloomingdale's. GIBBS: Is there anything worth over fifty grand at Bloomingdale's, DiNozzo? TONY: I don't think so. GIBBS: Then why would we handle it? Next. TONY: I heard a rumor about an ecstasy ring at Lejeune. GIBBS: You heard a rumor? KATE: Oh, he's been searching for a case... any case since I came in. TONY: (READS) "All Agents not working active cases are to attend a sexual harassment lecture at the NCIS Human Resource Training Center at zero nine thirty hours. Today. GIBBS: I cannot sit through another one of those. I will shoot myself. KATE: You mean they actually train you guys how to harass? (LAUGHS) Hey, I'm kidding. Except for Tony. TONY: For the last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seat belt on. KATE: Right. Seat belt. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. Okay, we're on it. (HANGS UP PHONE) GIBBS: Dead Navy Commander just washed up on North Virginia Beach. TONY: Yes! KATE: Shotgun! TONY: I hate when she does that. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. BEACH - DAY REPORTER: (SPELLS) ....L I ? LINN: (SPELLS) Linn. L..E GIBBS: Gibbs. NCIS. LINN: It's about time you guys showed up. We've been running between the body and this boat all night long. Boat crashed ashore right in the middle of a beach blanket bingo. Hard to believe a Navy Commander getting mixed up in stuff like this. GIBBS: Stuff like what? LINN: Drug running. DEA's working two dead drug dealers three miles north of here at Fort Story. GIBBS: Three miles up the beach and you tied it to the Commander? LINN: They're all shot up. So is his boat. Got to be a connection. GIBBS: And you are? FONTAINE: Diane Fontaine, WXEK News. I'd like to ask you some questions. GIBBS: (OVERLAP)DiNozzo! TONY: Yeah? GIBBS: Escort Miss Fontaine off our crime scene please. TONY: Miss Fontaine? FONTAINE: Let's go, guys. GIBBS: Sergeant Linn is it? You in the habit of convicting people before the investigation starts? LINN: What? Hey, no. I... DUCKY: (OVERLAP) What have we got, Gibbs? GIBBS: The Commander's wallet with this Sergeant's prints. DUCKY: You removed a wallet from a body without gloves!? LINN: I had to get the vic's name. DUCKY: He's not a vic. He's a victim. Where did you learn crime scene procedure? Watching Kojak reruns? LINN: Okay, now just hold on a minute. DUCKY: (OVERLAP) What else did you do to my crime scene? All right, let's start at the beginning. Tell me what you did when you got here.... from the top. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BEACH - DAY (INTERCUT FLASH PHOTO SCENES) KATE: Looks like a herd of elephants went through here. GIBBS: Yeah, just one fat local LEO. All right Kate, bag this. I'll do the photos. KATE: Tony told me what to do. GIBBS: Tony doesn't tell you what to do. I do. Your elephant said the Commander's boat got shot up. Why don't you grab an extra kit from the truck and work that scene. KATE: By myself? GIBBS: You need help? KATE: No! I got it! GIBBS: Hey, have it towed back to the garage when you're done. And get the witness reports while you're at it! TONY: I need more assignments like that, Boss. GIBBS: Did you get her number? TONY: Oh, yeah! JACKSON: You think he was shot or drowned? TONY: Well, either way he's dead. GIBBS: That's too bad. Good guy. He got you out of that sexual harassment lecture.(SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) TONY: I'd rather be at the lecture. DUCKY: That man is an imbecile. He shouldn't be a school crossing guard! GIBBS: Yeah, move. Haven't heard you this pissed, since you shoved that French flic off a cliff, Duck. JACKSON: You shoved a French cop over a cliff? DUCKY: There was a lake below. GIBBS: Sixty feet below. Duck, this crime scene's a mess. Can we move the body? DUCKY: Why not. The imbecile obviously has. GIBBS: Let's turn him over and see if he was shot in the back. TONY: I guess we can rule out accidental drowning.(SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) DUCKY: Oh, my friend... even if you'd survived the water, you would have never have walked again. GIBBS: The DEA found a couple of bodies up at Fort Story that might be tied to this. DUCKY: At least they know not to contaminate a crime scene. GIBBS: Hey, you two clean this up - bag him. Meet us up there. TONY: Well, it gives you a warm feeling, doesn't it? JACKSON: What? TONY: Knowing Gibbs trusts us with a contaminated crime scene. JACKSON: (LAUGHS) Come on, man. Let's get him out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY FULLER: This must be him. Special Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Yeah. FULLER: Sergeant Linn radioed you were coming. Agent Ken Fuller, DEA. This is Captain Bradstone, Army C.I.D. GIBBS: Our M.E., Doctor Mallard. DUCKY: Agent Fuller. Captain. FULLER: Looks like your Navy man fell in with a bad crowd. DUCKY: Ah Gibbs, this scene is pristine. FULLER: We're not amateurs. GIBBS: Who says they're connected? FULLER: How many guys you know go out fishing in the middle of the night? GIBBS: Me. FULLER: Well, I guarantee you these two guys didn't. They meet up with cargo ships off the coast and bring in coke. GIBBS: Where's their boat? FULLER: There's a drug war going on. I figured they got jacked for the boat and the coke. GIBBS: Captain, is C.I.D. working this crime scene? BRADSTONE: The M.E.'s not available till tomorrow. And since this may have something to do with your Navy Officer, the Army has no objection to NCIS and DEA working it. Just send us all your reports. GIBBS: Yep, thanks, Captain. Okay to touch, Duck? DUCKY: You have my permission. GIBBS: How many drug dealers you know dump the bodies and the cash?(GIBBS PULLS OUT CASH FROM BODY) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) KATE: Thanks for waiting, guys. GIBBS: Chain of custody, Kate. You had to stay with the boat. KATE: I'm not stupid, Gibbs. GIBBS: Never said you were. KATE: I didn't have to ride on a tow truck with that boat, now did I? You do this to all the newbies or just the females. TONY: Do we look like sexists? KATE: Ask me who's buried in Grant's tomb. It's a tougher question. GIBBS: Okay, okay, fun's over. Give me the high lights. KATE: Nine students from U.V.A. were having a beach party. Around zero two thirty they heard what they first thought was fireworks out on the water. TONY: Gunfire. KATE: Good guess, Tony. The Whaler had six holes in its stern, two in the engine housing. GIBBS: The Commander was running. KATE: Probably from a larger boat they heard racing up the coast. About fifteen seconds later, the Mary Celeste came roaring out of the dark and onto the beach. Scared the hell out of them. GIBBS: What'd you find on the boat? KATE: Fishing gear, bait, coffee Thermos, ham sandwich. I logged everything. Sent it to Abby. TONY: No drugs? KATE: No. Is there a drug connection? GIBBS: DEA thinks so. Two dealers floated ashore last night at Fort Story. Aerated. KATE: Well, there were no drugs on the Whaler. TONY: You sure? I knew a granny in Baltimore - hid a kilo of "H" in her horse's rectum. KATE: No horse on the boat, Tony. We're working a join investigation with the DEA? GIBBS: Yep. Ducky's got all three bodies autopsied and Abby's drying the money. KATE: Money? GIBBS: The dealers were found with fanny packs stuffed with wet Franklins. KATE: I've got to see those bills. GIBBS: Why? KATE: I did work for the Secret Service. We tend to get all hot and bothered over large sums of hundred dollar bills. TONY: Is that what does it for you? KATE: What does it for me, Tony, is a mystery that you will never solve. TONY: I know the answer. Grant! GIBBS: Why do I felt like a high school principal? TONY: I don't know, Boss. GIBBS: If those college kids are right, whoever shot the Commander ran into the Chesapeake or up the Maryland coast. Find out which. TONY: I'm on it. DUCKY: (V.O.) The South Pacific has a number of ... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS AUTOPSY - DAY DUCKY: ... different refreshments. I remember one. Where was it, New Guinea or Timor? Whatever the case, the natives had this delightfully refreshing drink. It wasn't 'til years later I discovered it was made from a mixture of rum punch and water buffalo urine. To Abby, please, Gerald. They'd never seen a white man and my life was in jeopardy until... FULLER: (overlap)I've got to report in. (FULLER WALKS O.S.) DUCKY: There's a phone over there.(BEAT) Oh well. You'll enjoy this, Commander. As I was saying, my life was in jeopardy until I cured the chief's wife of a terrible yeast infection. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY FULLER: I can see why you don't talk much. JACKSON: I'm sorry....did you say something? FONTAINE: (V.O.) Commander Farrell, a Navy ROTC instructor at Hampton Roads... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY FONTAINE ON TV: (V.O.)...was found on North Virginia Beach this morning (ON TV) near the bodies of two alleged drug dealers. (V.O.) Commander Farrell, a founder of "Urban Lights" a night basketball anti-drug program, (ON TV) may have been involved in smuggling (V.O.) illegal drugs into the Norfolk area. Expressing shock and outrage, a Community Center spokesperson said the Urban Lights basketball program (ON CAMERA) will be suspended on all Norfolk Community courts... (TV CLICKS OFF) (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - NIGHT (SFX: BASKETBALL GAME B.G.) (GIBBS ATTEMPTS TO OPEN THE LOCK) KEVIN: You gonna kick our asses out? GIBBS: Nope. BOBBY: You Five-Oh, ain't you? GIBBS: Sorta. KEVIN: Sorta? Yeah, right. I smell bacon. GIBBS: Big fence to climb over. BOBBY: Not if you got hops. KEVIN: Whatchya want, One Time? GIBBS: Get this lock off the gate. You shouldn't have to hop a fence to play some basketball. KEVIN: You got heat to do something about it? GIBBS: Maybe you do. KEVIN: We did. (LAUGHTER) GIBBS: That you did. It'd be better with lights. Answer me one question. I get the right answer, you have my word these lights will get back on. BOBBY: Shoot, Five-Oh. KEVIN: Slow up, Bobby. What you mean...right answer? GIBBS: Give me the wrong answer, I can't help you. KEVIN: Get out of here, Fed! BOBBY: What you doing, Bro? KEVIN: He's a Narc, man. He's trying to get us to say Seadog was dealing. BOBBY: So tell the bacon what he wants to hear if it gets us our lights back. KEVIN: I ain't diming on Seadog! BOBBY: Man, he's six feet below. He won't know. KEVIN: I will. (GIBBS JUMPS THE FENCE) BOBBY: Man, you too old to hop wire. GIBBS: Want the question? KEVIN: I know the question. You're not going to like the answer. GIBBS: I will if it's the truth. KEVIN: Yeah, we could lie. How you gonna know, Fed? GIBBS: I'll know. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS LAB - DAY KATE: For the nineteen ninety to ninety six series, Treasury introduced micro printing as a countermeasure against computer printers and copiers. Good enough to stop high school kids, but not rogue countries and a few of the world's top forgers. It's got one tiny flaw. GIBBS: I'll be damned. TONY: What? KATE: You'd think a man who can find heroin in a horse's ass could find this. FULLER: You reached into a horse's ass? TONY: I had a glove on. (READS) United States. What's wrong with that? KATE: Read it again. TONY: Untied States! So the forger was dyslexic. KATE: Not just the forger. GIBBS: Who would pay drug runners with counterfeit money? FULLER: I know you don't want to hear this, Gibbs, but the Commander could have bought with bogus bills. That's why they killed him. GIBBS: Commander Farrell was not dealing drugs. Tony, where did you find that boat was headed when they dumped the two bodies? TONY: Well, according to the tide charts, since the bodies washed up at Fort Story, the boat had to have been entering the bay. KATE: Well that narrows it down. Even if we knew the marina, we still don't have a name or a description of the boat. GIBBS: Let's talk to someone who does. Can you pull in the boss of the dead drug runners? FULLER: Trujillo? Sure. For as long as it takes for him to get his lawyers down here. GIBBS: Bring in the dirtbag that runs the rival gang, too. FULLER: These aren't a couple of sailors caught buying grass. These are pros. They won't tell you the name of their mothers. GIBBS: No offense, but maybe you just don't use the right tone of voice with them. Bring 'em in. (FULLER WALKS O.S.) GIBBS: Is there anybody at your old agency you can trust? KATE: Trust to what? GIBBS: Find out who forged these notes and where they've been circulating. KATE: Shouldn't be a problem. GIBBS: Without telling their boss. (BEAT) Is that a problem? KATE: Gee, now why would that be a problem? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ABBY SIGNS FROM THE LAB) (ABBY KNOCKS ON THE WINDOW) ABBY: (SIGNS) I got a match! GIBBS: (SIGNS) Great.(GIBBS AND ABBY CONTINUE SIGNING) TONY: What are you doing? GIBBS: Communicating. TONY: Abby signs? GIBBS: Yeah. Yeah, her parents were deaf. TONY: Where'd you learn? GIBBS: She just said that the A-K Forty Seven round that killed the Commander came from the same weapon that killed our two drug dealers. TONY: Yeah. Why didn't she just come out and say that? (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Hey, thank you. TONY: That was fun, Gibbs. You still got the touch. ABBY: (SIGNS) I've got more. GIBBS: Oh, she's got more. ABBY: I picked up GSR on the smuggler's hands. Their weapons were fired really recently. The Commander's was clean. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONE) GIBBS: They said Seadog didn't deal. TONY: Seadog? ABBY: (SIGNS) I don't know. (GIBBS AND TONY RUSH TO THE ELEVATOR) (ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE SHUT) TONY: Who's Seadog? GIBBS: Did you get that reporter's number or was that just talk? TONY: Gibbs... GIBBS: See if she's available for lunch. TONY: I'd love to. Can I expense it? GIBBS: No, but I will. TONY: How do you sign, "I should have known?" MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. RESTAURANT - DAY FONTAINE: You kick me off the beach and now you play the gentleman? You must want something real bad. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. Bubbles, okay? FONTAINE: Fine. GIBBS: The panini here reminds me of Naples. FONTAINE: No bread. I'm on TV, remember? GIBBS: So is it true the camera puts ten pounds on you? FONTAINE: Five in my case. What do you want, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Jethro. FONTAINE: You're kidding. GIBBS: No. Um... to have a nice lunch, to know you a little... FONTAINE: Ah, here it comes. GIBBS: ....to tell you a story. FONTAINE: (CHUCKLES) Jethro, Commander Farrell's old news. I'm onto fresher bodies. GIBBS: Aren't you interested in getting it right? FONTAINE: I am. My producer isn't. He's interested in ratings. GIBBS: At the price of a man's reputation? FONTAINE: I didn't report anything that wasn't told to me by the cops. GIBBS: You didn't dig deeper. FONTAINE: I couldn't. You threw me out. GIBBS: What if I let you in? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: How was lunch? GIBBS: They here yet? TONY: Downstairs, waiting. (CHUCKLES) You're not going to tell me about lunch, are you? GIBBS: No. (TONY ATTEMPTS TO SIGN) GIBBS: You should wash your hands with soap for saying that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY FULLER: Special Agent Gibbs. Frank Trujillo and Darryl Wilkins as requested. GIBBS: Over here. (SFX: DRAWERS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Is that a glimmer of recognition I just saw? It seems these two belong to you. DARRYL: Good. I can slide, right? GIBBS: Not if you killed them. DARRYL: I never scuffed anyone in my life. GIBBS: I'm the only one not finding anything funny here, you know why? This Naval Commander didn't die a natural death or fighting for his country. He died in a cross-fire between you two dirtbags. FRANK: I want my lawyer. GIBBS: This was found on these two boys in the cooler. It's counterfeit. It comes from a foreign government known to support terrorism. That makes you two dirtbags suspected enemy combatants under the Patriot Act. Tony, read them their rights and put them on the first Navy transpo to Gitmo. TONY: You do not have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to an attorney. (TONY CONTINUES B.G.) FULLER: Gibbs, we don't know who counterfeited that money. Even if it does come from a country friendly to terrorists, you can't send them to Gitmo. They're U.S. citizens. TONY: Do you understand these rights you don't have? GIBBS: Watch me. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY FULLER: (V.O.) Your bluff worked. Trujillo wants to talk. (ON CAMERA) He really believed you'd ship him off to Gitmo. GIBBS: The secret of a good bluff, Agent Fuller, is not to bluff. TRUJILLO: (V.O.) The two men on ice.... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY TRUJILLO: ...are brothers. Jesus and Carlos Garcia. They run two of my boats. Fishing's been poor lately because of poachers in my waters. DARRYL: Your waters? You own the oceans, Frank? TRUJILLO: So I kept my boats in port until our little dispute... could be settled. TONY: I could recommend a Federal mediator. (BEAT) Sorry. Couldn't resist. You were saying? TRUJILLO: Yesterday I learned that the Garcia brothers took one of my boats out Sunday night and never came back. GIBBS: Without asking you, Jefe? TRUJILLO: (IN SPANISH) Si. Sin mi permiso. (Yes, without my permission) DARRYL: (CHUCKLES) You ain't ballin' no more when your marks don't ask, Frank. TRUJILLO: Callete, tonto! Okay? (Shut up, stupid.) DARRYL: You can ride out that salsa spit, okay? GIBBS: You believe that, Darryl? DARRYL: There's no way he would come with real in front of my grille. TONY: Real in front of my grille? I've got to remember that. GIBBS: You know what that tells me? As far as you were concerned, that boat was Trujillo's, fishing in disputed waters. DARRYL: I wasn't hip to this till this narc dragged me down. Swear on my seeds, okay, we ain't whacked them. TRUJILLO: He's not lying to you. He didn't kill them. GIBBS: Hey, this is good, Tony. You've got two rival dirtbags vouching for each other. You think Garcia charted out Frank's boat to some sports fisherman from Iowa? TONY: Would they want to do anything illegal? GIBBS: No. No. They were probably hauling drug smugglers. TONY: Or illegals. GIBBS: Or run guns. Did we miss any potential charters? TRUJILLO: I've told you everything I know. Can I go now, (IN SPANISH) por favor? GIBBS: Yeah. Sure. Once we have the boat. Help me out here, Darryl. DARRYL: He's got GPS locators in all his boats. GIBBS: Now why didn't you tell us that, Frank? TRUJILLO: I like to handle my own problems. GIBBS: Not this time. This one is ours. TRUJILLO: May I use your phone? GIBBS: Yep. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) GIBBS: What's the name of the boat? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. MARINA - DAY FULLER: Can Tony sniff for drugs now? TONY: Tony? FULLER: Some coincidence, huh? GIBBS: The deck's been hosed but there's blood residue. Get me some swabs, DiNozzo. I'll start in the cabin. TONY: Bet he's a real stud. FULLER: He's neutered. (MUSIC OVER CAMERA ANGLES OF BOAT CABIN) (INTERCUT VIOLENT SHOOTING SCENES IN CABIN AND FORWARD HATCH) (SFX: BOAT ENGINE STARTS) TONY: Oh, hell! What kind of engine is in this thing? FULLER: Drug runner special. A blown Five Oh Two putting out eight hundred horses. GIBBS: Main cabin's a mess. Blood stains. Bullet holes. Found some bloody bandages on the bunks. One of them's hurting. FULLER: Can I search for drugs? GIBBS: We're just getting started. What you can do is check with the marina office. See if they paid a mooring fee. Strike out at that and start canvassing the marina and find out if somebody... FULLER: Gibbs, I'm a Federal Agent. I know who and what to ask. GIBBS: I keep forgetting you're not a dog walker. FULLER: Uh, that's very funny. Come on, Tony.(FULLER WHISTLES/DOG BARKS) TONY: Wow. They should have hosed down in here. GIBBS: They did just enough to avoid attracting attention of someone walking by. TONY: We're going to be bagging and tagging for hours. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF FARRELL'S BOAT FLEEING THE POWER BOAT) TONY: If I only had the time. GIBBS: (BEAT) What? TONY: You got the time? My watch is slow. GIBBS: You going somewhere DiNozzo? TONY: Yeah, back to work. MUSICAL DISSOLVE TO: EXT. PARK - DAY CARRUTHERS: Kaitlin! KATE: Glad you could make it, Marcie. I didn't go over to the dark side. CARRUTHERS: Sorry. So how's it feel not wearing a suit? KATE: I think a bit like Mom felt when she burned her bra. CARRUTHERS: Where'd you get those serial numbers, Kate? KATE: Uh... stumbled upon some bogus bills on a drug case. CARRUTHERS: The Navy Commander who was dealing to the kids in Urban Lights? KATE: Oh, we don't think he was, Marcy. CARRUTHERS: Teaches me to believe the news. NCIS have the bogus bills? KATE: Sixty five thousand worth of Franklins. Were you able to trace them? CARRUTHERS: Yes, we were. KATE: We?! CARRUTHERS: Sorry, Kate. You know better than to ask anyone to slip you info on something like this. We had to involve the FBI. FORNELL: Agent Todd. I see you've joined the cowboys. FULLER: (V.O.) Nothing from the marina office... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. MARINA - DAY FULLER: ...but Jenny and Nancy were very helpful. TONY: Jenny and Nancy? FULLER: The girls on the sloop over there. They're sailing that beauty all the way down the Intercoastal Waterway to Miami for her owner. TONY: All the way to Miami... GIBBS: They're going to be there by the time you tell me how they were helpful. FULLER: When they docked yesterday, there was someone on this boat. GIBBS: Did you get a description? FULLER: Late twenties. Glasses. Short hair. Gay or low on testosterone. They waved. He ignored them. TONY: No way. FULLER: That's what I said. GIBBS: What did they say? FULLER: They had a couple of cell phones. When he wasn't making calls, he was working a laptop. About one, Jenny started grilling some prawns. By the way, they're Aussies. TONY: Aussies! I love Auss-(BEAT) ...so Jenny was grilling prawns? FULLER: Saw a white van pull up here. The guy with the glasses was really excited to see the driver. She said they hugged a lot. TONY: Gay. GIBBS: They describe the driver? FULLER: Same look as glasses without the glasses. They brought some heavy suitcases from the boat to the van. Then they helped a third guy with a bandaged leg to the van. He must have been in the cabin the whole time. Then they drove off. GIBBS: Any more on the van, other than the color? FULLER: Nope. I tried. All they could remember was that it was white. (BEAT) Can Tony sniff the boat now? GIBBS: It's all yours. (SFX: DOG BARKS) FULLER: It sure is. TONY: What's that? FULLER: Asset forfeiture notice. TONY: Don't you have to find drugs first? FULLER: I used to worry about rules like that. Then I met you guys. (TO DOG) Come on. Come on. Good boy. TONY: I'm telling you, boss, Aussie chicks are definitely different from American chicks. A guy's even got to approach them differently. I'd have got more than the color of the van out of them. GIBBS: I know I'm going to regret this, DiNozzo. Follow up on Fuller's interview. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Hey, get anything from your friend? KATE: Yep. GIBBS: You disappoint me, Kate. FORNELL: Me too, Gibbs. I thought she knew better than to trade down. Oh. Is this yours? GIBBS: You need to seriously re-think your definition of the word "friend." KATE: If I were in Marcy's shoes, I would have done the same thing. FORNELL: Careful, Agent Todd. You're running out of job options. GIBBS: So I once again have the pleasure of your company, Agent Fornell. We're into more than phony Franklins and dead drug dealers. FORNELL: Much more. Those serial numbers match the batch of bogus bills passed by Nine Eleven hijackers. Your killers aren't drug dealers, they're terrorists. (MUSIC OUT) INT. NCIS MTAC ROOM FBI DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Since Nine Eleven, the Bureau has compiled a worldwide terrorist database incorporating files from over seventy foreign intelligence services. Any prints lifted from that boat that are left by known terrorists will get a hit. MORROW: Why didn't we have access to this database, Charlie? FBI DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) All you had to do was ask, Tom. MORROW: If your Agent Fornell hadn't been here to get us priority, my feeling is I'd still be asking. FBI DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Perhaps I should leave him there. MORROW: I don't think that's necessary, Charlie. Just hard-wire us into this terrorist database. FBI DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Sorry, Tom. We like to monitor who is accessing our data. MORROW: Hard to keep a list like this to yourself, Charlie. I'm sure when our colleagues who head the other agencies hear of this, they're going to be pounding on your door. FBI DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Oh hell, why not? We're all on the same team. But Tom, if any of our colleagues hear about this, I'll pull your plug and NCIS priority will follow the Sandusky, Ohio Fire Department. MORROW: Understood. Thanks, Charlie. (TO GIBBS) Good luck. FORNELL: I see where you cowboys get your chutzpah. GIBBS: How long to scan the entire database?(PHOTOS FLICK ON SCREEN) FORNELL: I don't know. No one's ever done it. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. YACHT - DAY TONY: Nothing like a shrimp on the barby. JENNY: Only a Yank would call it shrimp. They're prawns. TONY: They're prawns. NANCY: Sounds like a real Okker, doesn't he, Jen? JENNY: I reckon. TONY: Okker? JENNY: The ridgy-didge. TONY: I need a translator. NANCY: You get the drift. Aren't you drinking, Tony? TONY: I'd love to but uh... I'm on duty. Pretend I'm not here. I know it's hard. You were sipping wine and grilling shh - prawns when the van showed up. NANCY: This is silly. TONY: Reenacting can jog your memory. Especially your sense of smell. JENNY: Come on, Nance. Give it a go. We put the prawns on the barby. NANCY: We toasted. Cheers! (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES OF THE TERRORISTS AND THE WHITE VAN) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY GIBBS: You know him? KATE: No. FORNELL: His name is Saudi. Same as most of the Nine Eleven hijackers. GIBBS: What's the red star? FORNELL: Active case with a high priority. He's one of the foreign terrorists wanted for the U.N. bombing in Baghdad. Believed to have slipped out of Iraq through Syria three weeks ago. Whereabouts unknown. GIBBS: Not anymore. TONY: (V.O.) It works! (ON CAMERA) I had Jenny and Nancy grill some prawns. They don't call them shrimp in Australia. Sip a really nice chardonnay with a wonderful bouquet. I didn't drink... just sniffed. FORNELL: What the hell is he ranting about? GIBBS: I should have known better. TONY: No no no, boss! I had the girls do exactly what they were doing when the white panel van pulled in to jog their memory. It worked! They remembered the driver was wearing a company uniform. KATE: Water company? Phone company? GIBBS: Jefferson Power? Vantage Cable? FORNELL: Milkman. Breadman. Hell, that white van could be from any of a hundred different commercial, county or state outfits. GIBBS: It's a start. TONY: I'm not done! I pulled this videotape from the security camera at the Mobil station on the road out of the marina. KATE: Wow, that's really smart, Tony. TONY: Any guy could have done it. KATE: Guy? Learn to shut up when you're ahead. GIBBS: What time did the girls say they saw the van? TONY: Ah, around thirteen hundred. ABBY: Are we submitting to the Sundance Film Festival? TONY: Best terrorist film category. ABBY: Sweet. So, if anyone's interested. The only prints off the boat I did match were the druggies in the cooler. GIBBS: Not the Commander? ABBY: Negatory. KATE: We've got a match on a terrorist. TONY: You didn't tell me that. KATE: Who could get a word in? ABBY: I ran those prints through the Bureau. I got nada. GIBBS: You did not have access to the full database. ABBY: You're holding out on us. That is not nice. GIBBS: Whoa! There it is! TONY: Yep. GIBBS: Run it back. Jefferson Power. God damn it. Can anybody read that number? TONY: Eight three one. KATE: They've got to be going after the power grid. ABBY: I found traces of C-Four in the stuff you bagged on the boat. FORNELL: Thank god. They're just going to try to blow something up. We've been sweating terrorists hacking into our power grid distribution software. That could shut down half the country. C-Four indicates a hard target... a power plant, a which are all under tight security. Which is about to get a hell of a lot tighter. GIBBS: There's a good chance that driver works for Jefferson Power. FORNELL: I hope he does. We'll have him before sundown. (INTO PHONE) Terrorist alert. APB on Jefferson Power Company van number eight three one. I want to know where it's based, who is driving it and I want it in five minutes. (TO GIBBS/KATE AND TONY) Thanks. You've all done a terrific job. TONY: I feel like I just kissed my sister. ABBY: I didn't know you had a sister, Tony. TONY: I don't. I'm fantasizing. ABBY: I need music to do that. GIBBS: Fornell's got target fixation. KATE: Come again. TONY: It's when a fighter pilot gets so fixed on his target that he flies right into it. KATE: Ah. Like you and women? GIBBS: That August blackout was caused by a tree falling on some power lines, right? KATE: Something like that. GIBBS: Ah hell, these guys don't need C-Four. An ax will do! KATE: Okay, here's the timeline for the August fifteen blackout. GIBBS: Put it on the plasma, Kate. KATE: It started at Eastlake, Ohio, at fourteen hundred, and by the time it reached Indian Point in Buchanon, New York, all the Northeast and most of Canada was dark. GIBBS: Pull the state's power grid up off the Internet. KATE: Whoa! Look at this! TONY: It says three key failures in Virginia could cascade until every state from here to the Rockies is dark. KATE: Yeah, more than says. It shows how! Wait. Take down those three flashing nodes simultaneously and you take out the entire Eastern Power Grid. GIBBS: All we have to do is stop them from taking out one? KATE: It looks that way. I mean, if any two fail at the same time, the slack can be picked up. There will be blackouts, but it won't cascade. TONY: Well, which one do we go for? GIBBS: Closest one. Right here. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CAR - MOVING KATE: Agent Fornell is concentrating agents on the three key nodes. He's also emailed me the driver's photo. GIBBS: That was fast. TONY: They had the van number. KATE: Here. Take a look. GIBBS: It's an alias. What's he do? KATE: Power line inspector. GIBBS: Is there a node at the end of that transmission line? KATE: Yes, about a mile west. GIBBS: Take that road! (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR CRASHES THROUGH THE CHAIN LINK GATE) TONY: Didn't think you'd want me to stop to open the gate. GIBBS: Hell no! They don't have to blow the nodes. This guy knows where to take down three transmission towers that'll do the same thing. KATE: How do we know this line is one of them? GIBBS: It crosses the node, doesn't it? KATE: Two lines cross this node, in and out. That's four places within a mile of the node that he can blow the tower down. GIBBS: Maybe we'll get lucky. KATE: Nobody's that lucky. GIBBS: Hmm. We are. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TOWER - DAY (SHAKIR SHOUTS INTO THE PHONE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING KATE: He could be a power company employee doing his job. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/SHAKIR FIRES AT THE CAR) (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: RAPID GUNFIRE) (SHAKIR SHOUTS B.G.) GIBBS: No, I don't think so! (CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) (SFX: GUNFIRE CONTINUES) GIBBS: Freeze! (SFX: GUNFIRE) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE TONY AND GIBBS RUSH TO THE TOWER) GIBBS: The phone's got detonators! KATE: Looks like the other two must have the same setup. Looks like he's got all three numbers set to the same number. GIBBS: How many members did he dial? KATE: Six. TONY: One more and it's budda bing, budda boom. GIBBS: Lucky he wasn't phone-savvy. KATE: Savvy enough to wire three phones to the same number. GIBBS: Yeah. What if he used speed-dial? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - NIGHT (SFX: BASKETBALL GAME B.G.) FONTAINE: FONTAINE: (INTO MICROPHONE) The lights are back on tonight at Community Center courts since Navy Commander Brian Farrell, founder of "Urban Lights," was cleared today of any connection to the drug war which claimed his life last Sunday. (CONT.) A Community Center spokesperson issued an apology and announced that a commemorative plaque will be dedicated to the memory of "Seadog", as Commander Farrell was affectionately called by the young men he strived to help have a better life. This is Diane Fontaine, WXEK News. Now back to you. (TO CAMERA PERSON) Doug, I need some B-roll on the boys. (VOICES SHOUT B.G.) (FONTAINE WALKS TO GIBBS) FONTAINE: How was that? GIBBS: Very nice. FONTAINE: I can't guarantee that my producer will air it. GIBBS: You're trying. That's a start. Thank you, Diane. FONTAINE: You're welcome, Jethro. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS CLIMBS INTO THE CAR) (MUSIC OUT) (MUSIC UP OVER ENDING TITLE AND CREDITS AND OUT)

When a driver-less boat and several bodies, including that of a Navy commander, wash up on the beach, seemingly during a freelance drug deal gone sour, the media is quick to link him to drug trafficking and the evidence stacks up. Being a former Marine himself, Gibbs refuses to believe that a good officer could be so corrupt. In his efforts to clear the commander's record and good name, Gibbs uncovers a turf war between two rival drug gangs and a terrorist's scheme to knock out the national power grid. The NCIS team is aided in its investigation by a DEA Agent (played by William R. Moses ), and FBI Special Agent Tobias Fornell .

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_04x05

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_04x05_0

[Scene: The Leery Fish House Kitchen. Gale has walked in followed by Mitch and Dawson who are arguing with her.] Gale: I keep telling you, I'm fine. Mitch: Do people who are fine spend the entire afternoon in our bathroom throwing up? Gale: But I'm fine now. Dawson: Mom. I'm not taking sides, but dad's right. You're not going to get better unless you get some rest. Gale: I don't believe this. My own son. [Gretchen enters the kitchen] Gretchen: Gale, the Guinness tap just ran dry, we're out of Stoli, and somebody just found a hair in the pretzels. Gale: Ok. Call the beer distributor. Tell him he's a week late. If he can't get his ass over today, he's fired. Give the guy who found a hair a free drink. Put out a fresh bowl of pretzels and then tell my husband and my traitor son to get off my back. Gretchen: You heard the woman. Mitch: For the sake of your business go home before your customers catch your stomach flu and we have to rename the restaurant Leery's pending lawsuit. Dawson: He's right. Gale: All right. All right. I give up. Mitch: She promised me she'd go to the doctor last week. Dawson: I thought she had the same thing you had. Yours didn't keep coming back. Gretchen: Guys, gale's been throwing up a lot, right? And she's still hungry and putting on some weight? She's tired all the time? Her back hurts? Irritability, mood swings? Mitch: Yeah. The worst. Dawson: How'd you know? Gretchen: Sounds to me like she'll be feeling a lot better in about 9 months. Dawson: What? [Opening Credits] [Scene: Dawson's House upstairs by the bathroom. Mitch and Dawson are standing outside the door as Mitch paces back and forth.] Mitch: how's it going in there? Gale: I can't concentrate with you talking out there about what I'm doing in here. Ok, now it's way too quiet. Mitch: Uh, Dawson, um, so have you started studying for your S.A.T.S, yet? Dawson: Took the S.A.T.S. Twice. Mitch: I knew that. [Gale comes out of the bathroom carrying a pregnancy test.] Gale: It's pink. Mitch: All right. All right. First thing we do is, uh, we get you to a doctor A.S.A.P. To confirm your results and make sure everything's ok. Gale: Where you going? Dawson: Uh, I'm late. It's my first day painting Mr. Brooks' house. Mitch: Well, aren't you going to say anything first? Dawson: Congratulations. [Scene: Pacey's front Porch. Joey and Pacey are sitting on a chair necking with one another.] Pacey: Uh-uh-uh. Joey: What's wrong? Why'd you stop? Pacey: Uh, well, because every afternoon, we sit out here and we make out, and then inevitably at some point, you stop us, and we just go inside and watch TV for the rest of the afternoon. So today I'm issuing a preemptive strike. And I'm issuing a counteroffensive. [She begins kissing him again.]No, no. Stop right there. Haven't you ever heard the term no means no? Joey: I don't think I've ever heard that from you. Pacey: Well, you're hearing it now. I'm serious. It's time for us to watch some TV. Joey: Let me get this straight. Your girlfriend offers you her lips in the spirit of teenage lust, and you'd rather sit here and watch the e! True Hollywood story on Danny Bonaduce for the fourth time? Pacey: You always get to stop it. And I never get to stop it. So today, I'm stopping it. Joey: Stop it, Pacey. Pacey: I just did. Joey: You know what I mean. Pacey: And you know how I feel. Joey: Are we having a fight? Pacey: Well, not to the best of my knowledge. Joey: Feels like one of those times when you say that you're kidding around, but really, we're having a fight, pace. Pacey: I assure you, everything is perfectly all right. [Scene: The Capeside Soccer Field. Jack and Andie are walking together talking as they come out onto the field. There are tons of little children running around, attempting to play soccer.] Jack: How did I get myself into this? I was a mediocre soccer player back in junior high. I know nothing about kids. I've never coached anything in my life. Andie: Come on, coaching peewee soccer is a great opportunity to help mold young minds, teach them about teamwork and sportsmanship. Ok. The only reason to do it is because it looks good on your college apps. But don't worry. I take full responsibility should it turn out to be disastrous. Jack: Damn straight. Andie: Oh! Hey, kids. I'm Andie, and this is my brother jack. And together, we are all about to embark upon a soccer experience that will enrich your lives for years to come. Kids: Ohh. Andie: Ok. Everybody who wants to have some fun, raise their hands. Jack: What's your name? Boy: Her name is molly, coach jack. Jack: Molly. You don't want to talk, molly? How come? Boy: 'Cause she hates soccer. Molly: Shut up. Boy: She hates soccer. Jack: Why do you hate soccer, molly? Ok. You don't want to talk, that's fine. You don't have to talk if you don't want to talk. Molly: Gee, thanks. Jack: I heard something. I think she talked. Anyway, what molly doesn't know is that by the end of the season, no one is going to hate soccer, 'cause we're going to have so much fun runnin' around, winning some games, and eating plenty of pizza afterwards. So who's with me? Kids: Me! Yeah! [Scene: Mr. Brooks House. Dawson is standing on a ladder painting the same spot over and over without even realizing. He is deep in thought when Mr. Brooks comes outside.] Mr. Brooks: I think you have that space covered, Mr. Leery. Unless you'd like to be working off your debt into the next millennium. Dawson: Sorry about that, Mr. Brooks. Mr. Brooks: What might be prompting such a distracted performance? Worried which pompom girl to ask to the pep rally? Might I remind you that although I'm not paying you, it is you who owes me the debt of service. So I suggest you work it off to the best of your ability and leave the juvenile angst on the playground where it belongs. Dawson: Will do, Mr. Brooks. [Mr. Brooks turns to see some photos hanging out of Dawson's bag.] Mr. Brooks: Well, well, what's this? Fancy yourself a photographer, an artiste? Let's have a look at these. Dawson: Could you leave my personal property alone, please? Mr. Brooks: Surely the boy who stole and wrecked my boat is not giving me a lecture on the sanctity of personal property? Pedestrian. Wholly uninteresting. Amateurish and terrible composition, too. You--you didn't take this on purpose? Whew! As a photographer, you're a mediocre house painter, Mr. Leery. Do you know what your problem is? Those photos are cold, unemotional. There is no spark. Dawson: Thank you for the cogent analysis. I will keep that in mind next time. [Scene: The Capeside High Cafeteria. Joey is sitting at a table thinking when Jen comes up to join her. Joey is very deep in thought.] Jen: Hey, there. Well, looks like we were both robbed on that history test. "B-", my ass. What did you get? Joey: I think I set the curve. Jen: Well, I can see how that would be aggravating. [Giggles] jeez! What's wrong? Joey: Nothing. Mashed potatoes are cold. Jen: I got you. So, it's just been one tragedy after another today, huh? Joey: Mashed potatoes are cold, and so am I. Jen: Is this about s*x? Joey: Is it that obvious? Jen: Heh! No, not really. It's just-- it's just that it always is. Joey: I think Pacey is starting to get impatient. Jen: Joey, he loves you. He'll wait. Joey: But, Jen, Pacey's not the problem. It's me. I mean, let's face it. The waiting just goes on and on, and at this point, even I'm getting impatient, but...For some reason, I just keep waiting. Jen: Joey, let me ask you something. Are you sure that you really wanna have s*x? Joey: Of course I wanna have s*x. The question is am I ready? Because I don't know how you know. I mean... Everyone just says that you just know, but what if that's just what they say and they never really know? Jen: Joey, I think that you'd feel more ready if you were actually prepared. Joey: What do you mean? Jen: Listen...For girls in New York, a visit to the free clinic to get birth control, safe-sex advice-- it's a rite of passage. It's like getting a bat mitzvah or, you know, your learner's permit test. Joey: The free clinic. Jen: Yeah. The truth is I don't think that anybody ever really knows if they're ready, but you do know if you're prepared, and you're not. Joey: You're right. Jen: To responsible sexual gratification. Joey: To womanhood. Jen: Cheers. [Scene: The Doctor's Office Waiting room. Gale and Mitch are sitting on a couch waiting for the doctor and talking.] Mitch: You ok? Gale: I'm fine. Mitch: Look, I've been thinking about it. I know this is terrifying. There's so many cards stacked against us, but it's gonna be ok. And don't worry about Dawson. He's just shocked, but he'll be fine. It's a good shock. Gale: Now, Mitch, have you thought at all about how we can possibly send Dawson to college and raise another child? We're already in debt as it is. And what about the fact we're not exactly 25-year-olds anymore? Do we even have the stamina to be parents all over again? That's 20 more years that we would have to commit to another child. Not to mention what we put Dawson through these past few years. What if that happens again? Mitch: That's not gonna happen again. Gale: I don't know. I can't help thinking that we should have thought about this before. Mitch: Maybe that's true... But you're pregnant now. I mean, that's the reality. Gale: Um... Mitch, you're avoiding one thing. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean that I have to stay that way. And if I were to make that decision right this second... I wouldn't. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Capeside Soccer Field. Jack is watching some of the kids play when a woman comes up to stand next to him.] Jack: Hey, guys. Caroline: So tragic. All these adults pushing their kids out onto the field in order to make one last grasp at vicarious glory. [Both chuckle] Caroline: I'm Caroline, by the way. Caroline say. Molly's older sister. Mom had me when she was 21, molly when she was 40. Mm-hmm. That would make me 28, in case you were wondering. Jack: Gotcha. Caroline: And how old would that make you? Jack: I'm 18. Caroline: Hmm. Girlfriend? Jack: Uh, sister. Caroline: Oh. Cool. Heh heh heh. Coach jack, am I making you uncomfortable? Jack: [Laughs] no. Why would you say that? Caroline: Oh, I just thought maybe you thought I was flirting or something. Jack: Flirting? Why-- why would I think you're flirting? Caroline: Because I am flirting. Jack: Heh! Um... Caroline? Mm-hmm? Uh, look, I-I'm flattered and everything, but, uh Caroline: I'm coming on too strong. And you're shy. Jack: Yeah, see, I--I am. I'm shy and-- and I'm Caroline: shy and what? Jack: Shy and... Caroline: All right, you mull that one over, and I'll just be seeing your sweet face tomorrow. Until then, au revoir, coach jack. [Scene: Outside the Leery Fish House. Gretchen and Dawson are standing at one of the tables outside, and Gretchen is looking at Dawson's Pictures as he plays with his camera snapping pictures of her.] Gretchen: That old man is clearly nuts. These are great, Dawson. Dawson: Actually, he's right. They suck. Gretchen: No, they most definitely do not suck. Dawson: Oh, it's ok. [Shutter clicks] one has to suck before you can stop sucking. True genius begins in mediocrity. Gretchen: Well, I appreciate the humble artist bit. Dawson: It's way preferable to self-described genius. Gretchen: But even you cannot deny your natural abilities. Ok, if you don't stop taking my picture, I'm gonna smack you. Dawson: Am I making you uncomfortable? Gretchen: Yes. Dawson: Good. Gretchen: [Giggles] stop it! I mean it! Stop! Dawson: I'm just gonna finish this role of film. Gretchen: No! Dawson: Come on. Gretchen: Aah! [Both laughing] stop! [Shutter clicks] [They sit on a bench across the street. After almost getting hit by a car crossing it.] Dawson: [huffs] so... You know, you're right about my mom. She's pregnant. [Shutter clicks] Gretchen: I figured. Dawson: Maybe you can help me. I'm-- when I found out... Heh. I was upset. Gretchen: Really? Why? Dawson: Well, they're in their forties. They're about to send a kid to college. They barely have any money in the bank. Their relationship the past couple of years hasn't exactly been rock-solid. Everything's so unstable. It just seems... Completely irresponsible. Gretchen: It is. Dawson: Yeah, but I can't feel that way. I mean, I don't wanna feel that way, you know? I wanna be happy for them. Any idea how I can swing that? Gretchen: You mean how can you make yourself feel something that you're not? Heh heh! I don't know. All I know is I can't help but wonder how your mom feels right now. I mean, she's the one with the baby growing inside of her, you know, the one who doesn't have any money in the bank, the one whose kid is about to go off to college, the one who just got back together with her husband. Dawson: I--you know. I knew you were the right person to talk to. I'm starting to feel bad already. [Gretchen is a little uncomfortable about something.] Gretchen: I gotta go. Dawson: Why? Gretchen: Break's over. I'll see you later. Dawson: Ok. [Scene: The Capeside Free Clinic. Joey is waiting in one of the examining rooms when the Nurse comes in to join her.] Nurse: Have a seat. Did you schedule a pelvic exam with the doctor? Joey: Mm-hmm. Nurse: Ok, I'm gonna ask you a few questions, and I apologize ahead of time if they are a little bit unsettling. Are you ready? Are you currently sexually active? Joey: What do you mean? Nurse: Are you currently having intercourse? Joey: Oh! I'm--I'm sorry. I wasn't sure. Never mind. I-- no, I--but I'm going to be having intercourse. It's--that's why I'm here. Nurse: Are you aware that there is a chlamydia epidemic and that syphilis cases are on the rise? Joey: Syphilis? Nurse: Are you aware that there is currently no cure for the sexually transmitted diseases herpes, HIV, and HPV? And are you aware that while the pill offers excellent protection against pregnancy, it does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases? Have you had sexual relations in the past, and if so, were there any instances of unprotected s*x? Joey: No, I'M... A virgin, 100% Nurse: and are you currently in a monogamous relationship? Joey: So far as I know. Nurse: Is there any reason why you'd think your partner's not being monogamous? Joey: Oh, no, no! I-- I was just kidding. He's definitely monog Nurse: you know, Joey, sometimes we think our partner is being monogamous Joey: no, he's definitely monogamous. There's really no doubt in my mind. Nurse: Regardless, it's important to practice safe s*x. Now, is your partner willing to wear condoms? Joey: Yes. Nurse: Ms. Potter, these aren't even the hard questions. What if you become pregnant or contract an std? I mean, these are the potential consequences of s*x. Joey: Ok. Nurse: Maybe you should know the other side of the coin, Joey. I mean, s*x can be a wonderful, fun, fulfilling part of life. There's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. I just... Want you to approach it with a certain level of maturity and responsibility, that's all. Joey: Ok. Nurse: So you scheduled your pelvic exam for next week. In the meantime, here you go. Condoms, spermicide, some information about birth control, Depo-Provera, other birth control options. And Joey? Joey: Yeah? Nurse: Smile. [Scene: The Capeside Soccer Field. Jack and Andie are on the field. Jack is playing Goalie as Andie is playing with one of the balls and they are talking about the coaching thing.] Jack: Hmm! You know that girl molly, the one that never wants to talk? Andie: Yeah? Jack: I don't know. I feel like I'm-- I'm bringing her out of her shell or making a difference or something. You think that's stupid? Andie: Nah, I think that's pretty awesome. Jack: There is one problem. You know that girl Caroline who comes to practice with molly? I think she propositioned me yesterday. Andie: What? No! Ok. Was she just flirting? I mean, maybe she was just flirting. Jack: No, no, no. No, she was one step away from reaching her hand down my pants and checking out the merchandise. Andie: Eww! Ok, I do not need to hear that. Jack: I know, but you gotta help me, 'cause she won't take no for an answer. I mean, I think the word "no" just turns her on even more. Andie: So just tell her you're gay. Jack: Andie... The word "gay" is kind of controversial when you're talking about working with kids. Andie: Oh, that's crap. Jack: I know it's crap, but it's a reality. I mean, all I wanna do right now is just put "soccer coach" on my college apps, not "gay civil rights crusader." Andie: All right, all right. I'll help you out with this. Jack: Yeah, thanks. Andie: Oh, and, uh, jack? You know, I just hope that you're a better coach than you are a player, because you suck! Ha! Yes, another one! [Scene: Dawson's House Dinning Room. Dawson comes out of the Dark room when he hears his parents, and joins them in the Dinning room.] [Faint talking] Dawson: good. You guys are home. Uh, I want to talk to you. Mitch: What is it, Dawson? It's about how I reacted when I found out that mom was pregnant. Um... I was really shocked and, um... Maybe a little bit disappointed, but I've been thinking, and I've just-- I've realized that... Heh! This is amazing. I mean... God, I'm-- I'm gonna have a little brother or sister. I mean, how cool is that? Mitch: Dawson... We're not gonna have the baby. Dawson: What? Gale: I know. Believe me, this isn't exactly the way that we wanted to tell you. Dawson: You know, w-wait a sec-- j-just... Just like that? You make a decision like this in a day? Gale: Uh, well, no, actually, Dawson, it wasn't just like that. I had suspected that I was pregnant for some time. I just didn't wanna deal with it because I knew what my decision would be if I was. Dawson: I can't believe this. Gale: Well, honey, you should be happy. Your lackluster attempt at excitement just now wasn't exactly Oscar-worthy. Dawson: Mom, I meant everything that I said. I'm trying to be supportive. Dad, you actually agreed to this? Mitch: Yes, I did. Gale: No, Dawson. He's lying to protect me. It was my idea and my suggestion. And yes, I know. I'm a terrible mother, aren't I? Dawson: Th-that's not what I said. Gale: Let's not pretend it's not what you think, honey. It's no lie that I have messed up at being your mother at every turn, that I'm the one that tore your family apart Dawson: wait a-- d-don't use me as the excuse for making this decision. That's not fair. Gale: It's not an excuse, Dawson. No, I sat down, and I considered all the facts. And the fact is... I can't do it again. I can't handle the mistakes. Now, you put that together with the money issues and my age and everything else, and the only answer is... I can't have the baby. Now, honey, maybe you're gonna hate me forever because of this, or maybe you'll never be able to understand, but the fact is... This is my decision, and I have made it. And now this discussion... It's over. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's Beedroom. Dawson is sitting on his bed going through some of his pics when his father comes upstairs to get him.] [Knocks at door] Mitch: hey, your mother wanted me to tell you that breakfast is ready. Dawson: Well, tell my mother I'm not hungry. Mitch: She also wanted me to tell you that she's sorry you're upset. And I can personally attest to her not sleeping a wink last night. Dawson: Is she really gonna do this? Mitch: Yes. Dawson: What about you? What do you want? Mitch: I don't know what I want. But I do know that I don't want her going through with the pregnancy if it's not the right thing for her to do. Ultimately it's her body, her decision. I respect that. Dawson: What if it's the wrong decision? Mitch: Did I ever tell you that we tried for 3 years to get pregnant before we had you? Dawson: No. Mitch: Yeah. We'd just about given up. And then, after you were born, we tried again. 5 years of hope and disappointment. I had always wanted a big family, you know. A house filled with love and all that. Admitting that it would never happen... That was devastating. But then, one morning, I woke up... I realized that it did happen. My house is filled with love, and my life is full. I don't know. Maybe for the rest of my life, I'll wonder, "what if?" But now... I am just so grateful to have you. And your mother. Makes all the rest easier to deal with. [Scene: Joey's Bedroom. No one is in it when Bessie comes in carrying some laundry.] Bessie: Joey, would you please tell your stupid boyfriend to stop sneaking his smelly clothes into our laundry. I'm trying to run a business here. And I'm talking to an empty room. [Bessie begins to put the laundry away when she opens Joey's top drawer and sees the packet of condoms and stuff in it. And she closes the drawer after putting some stuff in when Joey comes in.] Joey: What are you doing? Bessie: Nothing. Just laundry. I gotta go. [Joey goes to the drawer and opens it and then looks devastated.] [Scene: The Capeside Soccer field. Caroline comes up to stand next to Jack. Standing actually very close to him.] Kid: Aw, man, we stink. Caroline: Ready for the game this afternoon? Jack: Uh... Well, our defense sucks, and our offense is merely terrible. Caroline: Ha ha! I'm sure they'll do great. So, jack, listen, I was thinking maybe tonight, we could Andie: oh, uh, jack, we've got that thing we've gotta do tonight. Caroline: And who are you? Andie: I'm jack's girlfriend. Caroline: Really? I thought you were his sister. Andie: Oh, yeah, um, well, actually, I am. Heh heh! I'm just making sure no one lays a hand on Jackers here, 'cause, uh, Natasha-- that's his girlfriend-- uh, she's a black belt, and she'd get really pissed. Caroline: Really. Natasha? Natasha who? Andie: Natasha...Boyardee. Jack: Natasha Boyardee? Caroline: [Chuckling] look, I really appreciate the overprotective sibling thing. I do. But I think jack here can make his own decisions. Andie: And he's decided. He's not interested. Caroline: Or maybe he's decided that it's none of your business and you should butt out and let him speak for himself. Jack: Ok, you know what? It's just not gonna happen, ok? Caroline: And why is that? Jack: Because. Caroline: That's why? Because? Jack: Because I'm gay. All right? Caroline: Wait a minute. Oh! N--[laughing] you didn't think I meant-- because I knew that. Heh heh! Of course I knew that. [Scene: A Distant Capeside Dock. Gretchen is standing there looking out into the water when Dawson comes walking up to join her.] Dawson: Hey. Gretchen: Hey. Dawson: Um, thank you for meeting me here. I didn't wanna go to your place for obvious reasons. Gretchen: Understood. What's up? Dawson: My mom is having an abortion. And, uh, I-I'm not sure that I'm dealing with it too well. And on-- on top of that, I feel awful about what they must be going through. Gretchen: Well, what's the problem, really, Dawson? Are you worried about them? Or is it that your illusions of parental infallibility are finally shattered? Dawson: Well, they were pretty much shattered during my mom's affair. But, um... What's your problem? Gretchen: What do you think my problem is, Dawson? Dawson: I think you went through what my mom's going through. Gretchen: Heh. You're good. Dawson: Uh, y-you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Gretchen: Well, isn't that why you called me here? Dawson: [Exhales] I need to understand why she's doing it. And I know that your situation is probably completely different, but-- I thought you might be able to help me. Otherwise, I never would have brought it up. Gretchen: Heh! It's ok. I get it. You're right. I did get pregnant last semester. In the backseat of my--my boyfriend's Geo Prizm in the dorm parking lot while my roommate was studying for finals. Lynyrd Skynyrd was on the radio. And I hate Lynyrd Skynyrd... Which made me even madder when I found out that I was pregnant. So, there I was, you know, 20 years old, piles of student loans, a--a 2.9 GPA. So I made a decision. It was the hardest decision that I ever made in my life. [Exhales deeply] but it didn't matter, because... A week later, I woke up, and it was over. I had a miscarriage. And you'd think that I'd be happy, you know? But I wasn't. I felt really guilty. You know, for-- for getting off easy, for--for feeling relieved, and for putting myself in a position where I even had to make that kind of a decision. Dawson: Does that mean that your decision was the same as my mom's? Gretchen: Does it really matter? Dawson: No. Thank you. Gretchen: For what? Dawson: For trusting me. I won't tell anyone. Gretchen: I know you won't. [Scene: The Potter B&B Dinning area. Joey, Bodie, Bessie, and 3 customers are sitting down to dinner.] Bessie: I'm so glad you're having a nice visit. Did you take the tour yet? Joey: Hey, I got an "a" on that English test. Bodie: Oh, good for you, Jo. Joey: Yeah, I was up all night studying at Pacey's. I'm exhausted. Bessie: I'm sure you are. Joey: Excuse me? Bessie: Nothing. Pass the potatoes. Joey: Not until you tell me what that meant. Bessie: Bodie, dear, will you please pass the potatoes? Joey: You'll get the potatoes when you tell me what that meant, Bess. Bessie: You wanna know what it meant? Fine. It meant either you were at Pacey's having s*x all night or you've started your own mail-order birth-control business out of your bedroom. Joey: I knew it! I can't believe you snooped in my room. Bessie: It was hard to miss, Jo. You've got enough in there to fill a warehouse. And I'll tell you what. I'd lock you in there if it was legal, because you're not ready to have s*x. Joey: Oh, so now you're playing ms. Responsible caretaker? Bessie, you let me spend an entire summer sailing around on a boat with Pacey alone. Bessie: I didn't let you. You just went. What could I have possibly said? Joey: Nothing. Just like there's nothing that you can say about this. Bessie: There is one thing I can say about it, young lady. You're making the biggest mistake of your life. Joey: Bessie, for your information, I'm not having s*x, ok? But at some point, I probably will, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Bessie: You're a 17-year-old girl who doesn't understand the first thing about consequences and responsibility. You are not ready to have s*x! Joey: I am the oldest 17-year-old in Capeside, Bessie. My whole life is consequences and responsibility, ok? So, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go to my "birth control warehouse." [Scene: The Capeside Soccer Field. Jack is there with the team. Molly is standing looking like she is sad about something.] Jack: Break! Break! Break! Go get 'em. Good luck. What's the matter, molly? You nervous about the game? Molly: Billy and Todd aren't coming. We're definitely gonna lose. Jack: They're coming. They're just a little late, that's all. Molly: Their dads called my dad. They said they had to quit the team because you're dangerous. They're not coming. Jack: Ok, um... Molly, I want you to remember something. Whether or not Todd and Billy quit the team or if, for that matter, everybody quits the team, you and me are gonna play some soccer, and then we're gonna get some pizza. Ok? Molly: Don't worry, coach jack. They're all just jerks. I know you're not dangerous. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the Potter B&B. Later that night. Joey is sitting on the bench in the yard when Bodie comes out to join her carrying Alexander with him.] Bodie: Interesting floor show earlier, though I'm not sure it's good for repeat business. Joey: You know, sometimes I don't get her. I mean, it's not like I'm perfect by any means, but there are a lot of kids out there doing a lot of stupid things, and I just think that she lucked out with me. Bodie: I'd say you're right. Joey: So why is she being so irrational? Bodie: Your sister worries about you, Jo... All the time, in fact. She doesn't want you to end up like her. She wants more for you. You know, you're the one who's supposed to get outta here. She just wants to make sure that happens. Joey: I know. I haven't made my decision yet. About s*x, I mean. I... I just thought that if I got prepared, then I would be ready, and then afterwards, I got really scared. And then this morning, I felt like I was ready again, and then... This afternoon, I... I wasn't so sure. Bodie: You know, Jo, I can't tell you what to do. No one can. For now, all I can say is if you're not ready to be prepared for s*x, then you're probably not ready for s*x. [Scene: Dawson's Living Room. Gale and Mitch are sitting together on the couch, when Dawson comes down sstairs he is in somewhat of a hurry when he stops to talk to them.] Dawson: Um... I just got a few minutes before I gotta go to Mr. Brooks', but, um... Uh... I wanted to say something about how I feel about your situation. Mom, you said that when you sat down to make this decision that you considered all the facts. But I think you're forgetting the most important one, and I just want to make sure that you have it before you make your final decision. You are the best mother that I know, and you're wrong if you think you've disappointed me at every turn, mom. All you've done is make me proud. You're not afraid to make mistakes and then to pick up and to keep going and keep trying new things, and I owe so much of who I am to you... To both of you. I... I used to idealize this perfect childhood with this perfect little house, and then... You guys gave me something so much better. You gave me something real. And were I to do it over again, I would not change a thing. And if you guys are even half the parents to your next kid that you were to me, he would be the luckiest kid in the whole world. Gale: Thank you, honey. Dawson: It's gonna be ok, mom. [Scene: Pacey's living room. Joey and Pacey are sitting on the couch necking once again, when Pacey pushes away.] Pacey: You know, I think we should probably slow this down a notch. Joey: Ok. Pacey: What? Joey: Let's turn it down a notch. I mean, if that's what you want, I respect that. Pacey: Oh... Well... Thanks. Joey: Perhaps you were hoping that if you turn the tables on me, I might get paranoid, 'cause I'm always the one that's stopping things, and now, suddenly, you're stopping things, so maybe I need to go further, maybe even, you know, pay a visit to the free clinic, stock up on goodies, and bring 'em back here, and then we'd have s*x. Pacey: Wait a minute. Did you actually go to the free clinic to stock up on goodies? Joey: I can neither confirm nor deny such reports. Pacey: All right, hold on. Uh, Jo... I really was-- I was just kinda kidding about the whole thing. All I wanted to do was to jump-start the conversation. Joey: I'm actually really glad that I went. So it's... You know, it's fine. Pacey: No, it's really not ok. I don't want to make you do anything that you're not ready to do. Joey: I know. And, Pacey, I get it. Just as long as you realize that if you do turn into some typical hormone-filled, silly-ass boy and try to manipulate me again, I'm out the door. Pacey: Jo, I'm sorry. Joey: I know. You know, pace, just because we're not having s*x yet, it... Well, there are certain things that we can do. Pacey: What kinds of things? Joey: [Whispering] I could kiss you. Pacey: Hmm. Or... Perhaps I could just come over there and... Joey: [Pacey starts tickling her.]No, no, Pacey. Pacey, no! Pacey, stop it! Stop it! [Scene: The Capeside Soccer Field. It the end of the evening and Jack and Andie are cleaning up from the days event.] Jack: What the hell was I thinking? What possessed me just to blurt it out like that? Andie: Come on, jack, it's not like it's a big secret. Anyone can find out if they want to. Jack: I know, I know. But it's naive to think that people aren't going to care, you know? It's naive to think that people aren't gonna be small-minded and bigoted and ignorant and that this whole thing isn't just gonna get worse from here on out. Maybe I should just quit. Andie: Wh--ok, now that is ridiculous, jack, because you did the right thing. I mean, the alternative is not to tell people who you are, and who wants to live like that? And besides which, you are great with these kids. So what you need to do is stick with the coaching and just stop worrying about the parents and their stupid hang-ups, ok? Because it will blow over. Jack: But I'm a good person, Andie. When people look at me, they see something awful. Do you know how that feels? Andie: Give it time. It will blow over, I swear. Jack: Nah, it never does. Andie: It will. Jack: Do you mind if I, um, finish up alone? Andie: You sure? Jack: Yeah. Andie: Ok. [Scene: Mr. Brooks house. Dawson is painting the porch when Mr. Brooks comes out to bother him some more.] Mr. Brooks: Each time I step out onto this porch to watch you at work, Mr. Leery, I breathe a sigh of relief that I'm not paying you. This way, I can still hire a professional to paint over your mess. Dawson: You know, Mr. Brooks, I actually think I'm doing a pretty good job. Mr. Brooks: We all have our illusions. Ah, I see you've been hard at work adding to your collection. Ah, trite. A naked attempt to evoke sentiment. Why not just shoot a photo of a puppy in garbage can, huh? Hmm. [He stops at one of the pictures.] Dawson: "Hmm"? That's the best scathing criticism you can muster? Mr. Brooks: Sometimes honesty is scathing, Dawson. I can't help that. But this last one... Ah... This last one is actually not bad. It's the first picture that makes a connection with the subject, as if you're not only shooting her melancholy but your own. This is the first one I've seen with a bit of you in it. This one has potential. I don't see you painting, Mr. Leery. [Door shuts] [Dawson gets up and grabs his book of pictures and opens it to the picture he was talking about. It is a picture of Gretchen. The scene fades into Jack walking on the empty Soccer field at night with a dejected look on his face. Then into a scene with Joey washing the dishes when Bessie comes up from behind and takes the dish from her hand and begins drying it. They just look at each other and smile. Then the scene fades to Dawson in his Dark Room, developing pictures, and he takes one of Gretchen out of the solution and just looks at it. Then the scene fades into Gale sitting at the kitchen table looking at some pictures when Mitch comes up to join her. She is looking at some baby pictures of Dawson, and then the scene fades to black.]

Gail drops a bomb on the family by confirming she is pregnant. Joey discusses her lack of sexual experience with Jen, who advises her to go visit a doctor for contraceptive advice. Jack begins to coach a children's soccer team, and later finds himself in an awkward situation when a girl is making moves on him and he feels pressured to tell her he's gay.

fd_Charmed_01x05

fd_Charmed_01x05_0

[Scene: Quake. Phoebe enters. Two guys walk up to her.] Guy #1: Are your parents terrorists? Cos baby you're the bomb. Guy #2: Jim, Jim, ask her if it hurt when she fell. Phoebe: Uh, excuse me? Guy #2: When you fell from Heaven. Did it hurt. Cos I know an angel when I see one. Phoebe: Hmm. I'm no angel. I'm a witch. But don't tell my sisters I told you. (She walks over to Prue and Piper who's sitting at a table.) Oh, I'm so glad you guys are still here. What are you staring at? Prue: They have been going at if for almost an hour. (You see a woman and a guy making out.) Phoebe: Hello! Oh, I can't even look. Piper: I know. I hate being single. Skye: Waitress coming through. Special delivery. Piper: Hey Skye. Phoebe: Hey Skye. Skye: Hi. (She places a glass of wine in front of Prue.) Prue: Um, I think there's been some kind of a mistake. I didn't order this. Skye: I know. You have a secret admirer. He ordered it for you. (She points out the Dream Sorcerer. He's sitting in a wheelchair.) Piper: Who's that? Skye: I have no idea. I'm just following the bartender's orders. And, apparently he's been eyeing Prue all night. Prue: Skye, can you do me a favour? Um, tell him thank you and I'm very flattered. But I'm kind seeing someone else. Skye: Sure. Prue: Thanks. Piper: This is a nice change of an attitude. Phoebe: I'll say. Does this mean you're thinking of getting serious with Andy? Prue: Lately I've been thinking about a lot of things. [Cut to the Dream Sorcerer. Skye walks up to him.] Dream Sorcerer: She didn't want the drink? Skye: I'm sorry, no. She's flattered, she's just seeing someone else. Dream Sorcerer: Sure she is. How about you? Maybe you'd like to have a drink with me. Skye: Oh, um, that's really sweet of you but I'm not allowed to date the customers. [Scene: Skye's apartment. She's asleep. The Dream Sorcerer is there.] Dream Sorcerer: Hello, Skye. (She wakes up.) Skye: What the ...? Dream Sorcerer: Shh... (He covers her mouth.) You in my world now, Skye. (Her room turns into her dream. It's all red and there's clouds in the sky. It kind of looks like they're on top of a building roof.) She's now wearing an evening dress.) You look beautiful in that dress. I knew you would. Skye: I don't understand. Dream Sorcerer: It's your dream, but it's my fantasy. Skye: Where am I? Dream Sorcerer: Hehehe. You're dreaming. I'm visiting. Skye: You're in my dream. Dream Sorcerer: But I can make it mine. Skye: You can walk. Dream Sorcerer: In dreams I can do anything. I can dance in your dreams, I can alter your dreams, (They start dancing.) and I can kill you in your dreams. Skye: No, please. Dream Sorcerer: Did you know that if you die in your dreams, you die in real life. (He takes her to the edge of the roof. He makes her look down and you can see that it's a long way down to the bottom.) Dream Sorcerer/Skye: Please don't hurt me! Dream Sorcerer: Hehehe. Now Skye, you rejected me and now you gotta pay. Dream Sorcerer/Skye: Please, don't do anything! (He laughs.) Dream Sorcerer Sweet dreams. (He pushes her off the edge.) Opening Credits [Scene: Skye's apartment. She's lying on her bed in an awkward position. She's dead. Morris and Andy are there.] Morris: What do we got here? Here name is Skye Russell, early twenty's, waitress at Quake. Andy: Every bone in her body's been crushed. Morris: The coroner said it's as if she's fallen of a twenty story building. Andy: But we're in a closed apartment, on the ground floor and the body hasn't been moved. [Scene: Manor. Piper is watching an exercise video and trying to copy what they're doing. Prue is sitting in a chair.] Piper: Uh, I give up. Two weeks and nothing strengthened but my temper. Prue: Piper, here's the problem. You didn't read the fine print. See. It says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon. Piper: Yeah. Well it's worked. She's the most desire female in America. What every man wants. Prue: That woman? Of course men want her. Men are not different from women. We all want what we can't have. Which is why we need to stop thinking about what men want and start thinking about what we want in a man. (Phoebe walks in. She's eating Froot Loops.) Phoebe: Tons of fun, lots of heats and no strings attached. That's what I want. Piper: I know this may not sound very P.C., but I want romance. Long, slow kisses, late-night talks, candle lights. I love love. I'd take what Prue has in a flat second. Prue: Hmm, but then you'd have to deal with the family secret, which isn't exactly normal now, is it? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Police station. Morris and Andy are sitting at their desks.] Andy: Did you see the coroner's report? Morris: Mmm hmm. Skye Russell died of massive internal hemorrhaging. Her body literally imploded upon itself. Andy: Ever seen anything like it before? Morris: On jumpers. Their bodies were usually found on side walks. Andy: There aren't any signs of external damage consistent with any type of fall. In fact there's not a scratch on her. Morris: Yeah, well, maybe we were wrong. Maybe the body was moved. Andy: From where? How? The front door was locked and bolted, each window had bars on it, none of which had been tampered with in any way. Nobody but she was in that apartment last night. It's not a suicide, Morris. And it's sure not death by natural causes which leaves only one thing... Morris/Andy: Murder. Morris: I hate when we say that. [Scene: Quake. Piper hands a guy his meal.] Piper: Here you go, Mr. Manford. The chicken with rice and vegetables. Just the way you like it. Chicken well done, light oil on the vegetables and rice steamed dry. Mr. Manford: Thanks. Piper: Bon Appetite. (Phoebe walks up to her.) Phoebe: Hey, why are you doing that? Piper: Skye didn't show up for her shift day. So we're short-handed. Phoebe: Ooh. (They walk in the kitchen.) Piper: So, what's up? Phoebe: I, uh, I found this spell. "How to attract a lover". Piper: No, Phoebe. Forget it. We're not casting any spells. Phoebe: Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I'm ready to have some fun with our magic. Piper: No. No personal gain, remember? Phoebe: How is it personal gain, if we're using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness. Piper: Could you pass me that colander, please? Phoebe: Yeah. Look, I'm not talking about marriage here. We have our 30s to freak out about that. This... this spell is about having good time. Piper: I admit it's tempting. The dating scene can be a little frustrating. But bringing men into our life through a spell... correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that a little bit desperate. Phoebe: No. How is asking for what you want being desperate? I say it's not. I say it's empowering. Besides, the Book of Shadows says we could reverse this spell at any time. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is cutting up some vegetables. Prue walks in.] Prue: Piper? Phoebe? Piper: Prue. You're in home. I thought you had a date with Andy. Prue: Uh, no. He had to cancel. What are you doing? Piper: Hmm... Phoebe: (from the other room) Piper, I was wrong. The spell calls for cayenne pepper not black pepper. (She walks in the kitchen and sees Prue.) Ooh. Did I say spell? I ... I meant recipe. We are so busted, aren't we? Prue: I would say yes. What spell are you casting? Piper: I realized today that Phoebe may have stumbled onto something. Something that actually makes sense. Prue: Now I'm worried. Piper: All the spells are in this book for a reason, right? And I think that this spell could be a harmless opportunity for us to test our powers, you know, really get a handle on them. I mean, why else would it say we can reverse it at any time? All I want is someone special in my life and this spell provides that exactly. Phoebe: I can translate. [Time lapse.] Prue: You have got to be kidding. Piper: We were hoping you would join us. Prue: No. I have got enough complications in my life. You two are on your own. Phoebe: You know where to find us. Prue: Be careful what you wish for. [Scene: Attic. Phoebe and Piper have everything set up on the table to do the spell.] Phoebe: Okay. You want to go first? Piper: No. You go first. Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe snatches a piece of paper off Piper.) Piper: Hey. That's not fair. Phoebe: You want a man who is single, smart, endowed? Piper: Employed. Phoebe: Oh, sorry, employed. A man who loves sleeping in on Sunday, sunset bike rides (laughs), cuddling by a roaring fire (laughs) and late-night talks. A man who loves love as much as you do (laughs). Wow. You're a romantic. Piper: Yep. Your turn. You want the sexy, silent type that finds you driving through town on the back of a Harley at 3:00 in the morning. A man who appreciates scented candles, body oils and Italian sheets (laughs). Phoebe: He's about hunger and lust and danger and even know you know all this, even know you know he'll never meet your friends or share a holiday meal with your family, you still can't stay away. And he recycles. Piper: He recycles? Phoebe: Yeah. And I think it goes without saying we both want a man who is well... employed. Piper: You're seriously twisted. This is the spell we have to say? Phoebe: Yeah. We're lucky. If we were men looking for women the spell requires putting a piece of honey cake in a sweaty armpit for day. Piper: Eww. Maybe we can say this. Phoebe: Okay. Phoebe/Piper: I conjure thee, I conjure thee, I am the queen, you're the bee, as I desire so shall it be. I conjure thee, I conjure thee, I am the queen, you're the bee, as I desire so shall it be. Phoebe: You think it worked? Piper: I don't know. The big spells usually require all three of us. (The phone rings.) Phoebe: Ooh. Piper: Ooh. (They run downstairs to the foyer. Prue is on the phone.) Phoebe: Is it for me? Is it for me? Prue: This is Prue. Who's this? Um, I'm sorry. Do I know you? Dream Sorcerer Yeah. We met at Quake. Well, we didn't actually meet. I sent you a glass of Chardonnay and you sent it back. Still, you know, I was wondering, maybe you'd like to go out sometime. Prue: Uh, oh, look, as I told the waitress I'm just not available. How did you get my number, my name? (The Dream Sorcerer hangs up.) Prue: Hello? Piper: Who is it? Prue: That guy from Quake who sent me a drink. Piper: What did he want? Prue: He asked me out. (Phoebe walks over to the door and puts on her coat.) Prue: Um, hello. Missy May where are you going? Phoebe: I'm going to Quake see if my spell worked. Want to join me? Piper: Pass. Prue: No. Thanks. I'm gonna take a bath. [Scene: Bathroom. Prue's lying in the bath. She closes her eyes and falls asleep. We go into her dream. The Dream Sorcerer is there.] Dream Sorcerer: Hello Prue. (Prue wakes up.) Prue: Who the hell... Dream Sorcerer: Am I and how did I get in? Hmm? Prue: I don't care just get... Dream Sorcerer: Out of the bathroom? Dream Sorcerer/Prue: Piper, help me! Dream Sorcerer: Scream all you want. No one can help you. Prue: How did you know... Dream Sorcerer: What are you thinking and know what you're going to say? Prue: Yes. Dream Sorcerer: I'm in your conscious. I know your every thought and desire. Prue: Who are you? Dream Sorcerer: I'm the man of your dreams. Prue: You're not real. You don't exist. Dream Sorcerer: That's what your mother used to say, isn't it? Every night, before you went to sleep? Prue: You're not real. You don't exist. Dream Sorcerer: As she tucked you in? She'd say if you saw any monsters to tell yourself they weren't real. Prue: You're not real. You don't exist. Dream Sorcerer: They didn't exist? Prue: I can't move. Why can't I move? Dream Sorcerer: Ha ha ha. Because I'm going to love you to death. (The dream sorcerer gets a sponge and rubs it on her back so hard it makes her bleed. He pushes her head under the water. Piper knocks the door and Prue wakes up.) Piper: Prue, are you okay? Prue: Uh, yeah. Piper: You were yelling. Prue: Yeah. I had a... I had a really bad thing. Piper: A thing? Prue: Yeah. Uh, I'm okay now. I promise. Just go back to bed. (Piper leaves. Prue gets out of the bath.) Ow. (She looks at her back and sees scratch marks from the sponge.) Oh, my God. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue and Piper are there.] Prue: Do you remember what mom used to say about nightmares? Piper: She said if we saw any monsters to tell them to go away that they didn't exist. Always worked, too. Prue: Yeah, well, not this time. He knew about mom. He knew what she told us and how did he know that? And what about the marks on my back. Piper, they were there and now they've disappeared. I don't know how and I don't know why but they were definitely there. Piper: How many hours did you work this week? 60, 70? And now what are doing today, on a Saturday, no less? Prue: Yeah, well, the auctions starts on Monday and the shipment arrives three days late. And you're changing the subject. You don't believe me. Piper: No. I believe you think you saw marks on your back. But I'm watching you down your third cup of coffee and we're talking about a nightmare you had while you asleep in the tub. So isn't it possible that exhaustion made you see those marks and not some dream guy? Prue: No. He was in my dream and it was real. Piper: So why didn't you use your powers to help you out? You know, move him away. Prue: I don't know. (A handsome guy enters wearing no shirt.) Hans: Morning. Prue: Uh, excuse me but who are you? Piper: Who cares? (Hans gets a bottle of milk out of the fridge and drinks it all. Phoebe comes in.) Phoebe: Hans, I found your t... (She sees Piper and Prue.) shirt. Hans: Was it in the hammock or... Phoebe: It doesn't matter. Hans: Thanks. Phoebe: Sure. Piper: (whispering) Hammock? Hans: I got to run. Phoebe: Okay. (They kiss.) Hans: I'll meet you later for lunch. Phoebe: Okay. Hans: Oops. I almost forgot. (Hans puts the empty bottle in the recycling bin. He leaves.) Phoebe: Don't worry. We had safe s*x. A lot of safe s*x. Piper: Eww. (Prue laughs.) [Scene: Quake. Phoebe and Piper are there.] Phoebe: I'm telling you, Piper. The spell worked. Piper: Shh. A little louder, Phoebes. I don't think Oakland heard. Phoebe: Well, it did. Get this. Hans doesn't go to bars. He's never been to Quake but last night he's on his away back from his acting classes. (Piper laughs.) When... BAM! Flat tire on his motorcycle right across the street from Quake. So he comes in to use the pay phone and who should he bump into but me, exiting the ladies' room. Piper: Phoebe, you threw his clothes all over the house. That's not a spell working, that's hormones. Phoebe: No, that's not like that. I really like Hans. He's really cool. And he likes me too. (Phoebe sees Hans, she runs over to him, they hug and he spins her around. Piper takes a plate of food over to a man sitting at a table.) Piper: Mr. Manford, here you go. Chicken, rice and veggies. Just the way you like it. Mr. Manford: Thank you. And please call me Jack. Has anybody ever told you how truly beautiful you are? (Piper laughs.) Piper: Have you been drinking? (He laughs.) Jack: A sense of humor. I love that. (She turns to leave.) Wait, Piper, don't go. I don't know why but I've got to get to know you. Have dinner with me. Piper: Can you hang on a second? Jack: (whispering) Yeah. Piper: (whispering) Okay. (Piper walks over to the phone near the bar. A guy stands behind her.) Piper: Prue Halliwell, please. It's her sister, Piper. Guy: You know, you shouldn't have dinner with that guy. Piper: Why not? Guy: Because you should fly to Paris with me. Piper: (on the phone) Tell her it's an emergency. [Cut to Bucklands. Prue's office. She's talking to Piper on the phone.] Prue: So you're not actually thinking of going out with this Jack guy, are you? (Rex enters Prue's office carrying a box.) Rex: Have you finished the, uh, Cromwell miniatures yet? Prue: Rex... Prue: (to Piper) Hang on a second. Prue: (to Rex) No, I'm still cataloging the Rembrandt sketches. Rex: Oh, well, uh, set them aside. The, uh, letters of Ernest Hemingway are now first on the block. (Delivery guys bring in lots more boxes of stuff.) Prue: (to Piper) I don't believe it. I'm going to be here all night. Piper, let me call you back. (She hangs up.) [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe and Piper are there. Phoebe's tying up her shoes.] Piper: Jack stayed through the entire lunch shift. Talked my ear off, had me laughing at all his stories and somehow convinced me to have coffee with him. Phoebe: Hans and I are going dancing at Rave. You and Jack should come join us. Piper: Well, if our dinner date last as long as our coffee break, we wouldn't make it there till closing Phoebe: Maybe we could all meet back at the house later. (Phoebe grabs her coat.) This has worked out so great, hasn't it? Piper: Yeah. (Phoebe laughs and leaves with a smile on her face.) Piper: Great. [Scene: Dream lab. Morris, Andy and a are there.] Morris: So this is a dream lab? They actually pay people to sleep? Lab Technician: If you wait here, I'll tell Mr. Berman that you would like to speak with him. (He walks away.) Andy: Thank you. Morris: Look, just because Berman dated the first victim... Andy: Julie Garikson. Morris: Doesn't make him a killer. Andy: But it's a great place to start. It's our only place to start. (They walk in a room.) Morris: What do you know about this place anyway? Andy: It's a privately funded research facility and Julie Garikson worked here too. She and Berman teamed together on some kind of experimental project. (Berman arrives outside the room in his wheelchair.) Berman: Hello, Inspectors, how may I help you? (They walk back outside.) Morris: You Whitaker Berman? Berman: Yes. What's this about? Morris: We're conducting an investigation and would like to ask you a few questions. Berman: Regarding? Andy: Do you know this woman? (Andy hands him a photograph.) Berman: That's Julie Derikson. She was my girlfriend. I was heartbroken when she... Forgive me, it's just very hard. I still miss her. Andy: Another woman died just like her the other night. A waitress. Crushed to death in her sleep. Berman: Oh, you're kidding? Morris: No. Berman: That's-that's awful. Andy: Mr. Berman, can you tell us your whereabouts night before last. Berman: I was here in the lab asleep. I left in the morning. Morris: Any witnesses who can confirm that? Berman: A nights worth of day, two scientists and a lab technician. Shall I have them paged? Morris: No, that's okay Mr. Berman. Sorry we disturbed you. Thank you for your time. [Scene: Quake. Piper's having dinner with Jack.] Piper: What else can I tell you? Um, when I get stressed, I get hives... in very strange places. Which is nothing compared to what happens when I panic, believe me. Jack: Your honesty is so refreshing. Piper: Ah, well, it helps keep my ulcer under control Jack: It's the nineties. I mean, is there anyone who doesn't have one? Piper: Would you like to see my tattoo? Jack: Would you like to see mine? Piper: Uh, is there nothing I can say to turn you off? Jack: There really isn't. Which is kind of strange, actually. Piper: Not really. Jack, you're under a... (Jack kisses Piper.) Piper: Spell. (Piper sees a guy sitting behind Jack smiling and giving her the eye, then she sees another guy standing near by holding a glass of wine and winking at her. She laughs nervously. She looks behind her and another guy is sitting at a table holding a white rose.) Guy with rose: Hey, there. (She turns back around to face Jack and lets out a freaked out laugh.) [Scene: Dream Lab. Lab technicians are helping Mr. Berman aka The Dream Sorcerer into a chair.] Berman: Give me 30 cc's of Vandereen. Technician: 30 cc's? That's twice... Berman: I'll be in rem sleep quicker and longer. Set the dream inducement system, the level twelve. Technician: We haven't got the results back from level eight. Berman: This is my dream. My experiment. Set the machine and give me the shot. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Prue has fallen asleep at her desk. The Dream Sorcerer is in her dreams.] Dream Sorcerer: Hello Prue. We meet again. (Prue wakes up. She grabs a letter opener off her desk.) All that work. All those hours. You fell asleep at your desk. Prue: Someone help! (The walls of the office turn into blue and red clouds.) Dream Sorcerer: What do you hide from at work? Is it the pain of your past or the uncertainty of your future? (Prue tries to get out of her chair but she's stuck.) Prue: I don't hide from anything. Dream Sorcerer: You can't move out of the chair, can you? (He spins her around.) Don't you want to know why? Because I don't want you to. You're powerless, Prue. Prue: Go to hell. Dream Sorcerer: I, on the other hand, am the all power-full. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. There's always Piper, Phoebe or any number of young, single women out there. It's an endless pool for the Dream Sorcerer. Prue: No, wait. I'll stay. Dream Sorcerer: It's too late. You're falling asleep. Prue: No. I'm fine. I'm awake. Dream Sorcerer: Shall I sing you a lullaby? Prue: I don't think so. (Prue kicks him and stabs his hand with the letter opener. He yells in pain.) Dream Sorcerer: Good night, Prue. (He grabs the chair and gets ready to push her over the edge. You hear a phone ring. Prue's back in her office. She wakes up and answers the phone.) Prue: Hello? Andy: Hi, you're still at the office. Prue: Yeah, um, can I call you back? (She spins around on her chair and faces the wall.) Andy: Sure. I'm at the station house. Everything okay? Prue: It is now. Thanks, Andy. Thanks for calling. Andy: I just wanted to hear your voice. Prue: Okay, bye. (She hangs up. Rex touches Prue on her shoulder, she gets a fright, spins back around and nearly stabs Rex with the letter opener.) Rex: Bloody hell. (Prue notices blood on the tip of the letter opener.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Police station. Andy and Morris are there.] Morris: The man is in a wheelchair. He's got no motive and he's got an alibi. So tell me again why you think Berman is our suspect. Andy: Dream leaping. Morris: Dream leaping? Andy: That's what Berman's researching at the lab. Dream leaping. The ability to project himself into someone else's dreams. Morris: Into women's dreams and killing them? Now who's dreaming. Andy: Not just any women. Women who reject him. Just like Julie Derikson did. She broke up with him when they were driving somewhere. He got into an accident. That's why he's paralyzed. It's on there in the police report. (Andy stands up and gets his coat.) The day after he went back to work at the lab, Julie Derikson died suspiciously. Six months later, two more women died in their sleep. Crushed to death. Coincidence? You tell me. Morris: Love to. Can't. Let's go. [Scene: Manor. The front door opens and Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: (calling out) I'm home! (She walks down the foyer and notices bunches of flowers everywhere. She sees an open box of chocolates and takes one. She walks in the kitchen. More flowers are in here too. Piper's sitting at the table drinking coffee.) Piper: You're home early. Phoebe: Yeah. So are you. What's with all the flowers. You and Jack fighting already? Piper: I wish. The flowers were all waiting on the doorstep when I returned. They're from men I barely know and men I've never met. All the flowers in here are for you. (Phoebe sits down.) Phoebe: Oh, well. I know they're not from Hans. Piper: What happened? Phoebe: He wouldn't leave me alone all night. He kept touching me. And practically every guy in the bar was hitting on me. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I ditched Hans and left him at the club. So, how was your date? Piper: Perfect. Everything was perfect. Even my faults were perfect. Phoebe: And this is a bad thing? Piper: It wasn't real. Everything he said, everything he felt, it was because of the spell, not because of me. Phoebe: Piper, you don't know that. Maybe he meant every word. Maybe if it wasn't for the spell he would've never had a chance to feel those things. Let alone say them. Piper: No, Phoebe. Love is a magic between two people that cannot be explained and cannot be conjured. What we did, it's just... it's not right. (Kit jumps on the table.) Phoebe: Hmm. Ever our poor cat's in hell. (You see cats outside trying to get in the window.) Go away horny tom cats. Piper: Let's reverse the spell. (Phoebe nods. The phone rings. Piper gets up and answers it.) Piper: Hello? Prue, where are you? Prue: I'm, um, still ate the office. Look, I fell asleep and that man from my dream, he tried to kill me again. Piper: What? Prue: Yeah. I don't understand why. All I know is I'm only safe if I stay awake. If I fall asleep, I'm dead. Piper: Well, stay where you are. Phoebe and I will come pick you up. Prue: No. I don't want to stay here another minute. Look, I want you to look in the Book of Shadows and see if you can find anything on this guy. He calls himself a dream sorcerer, ok? [Cut to the attic. Phoebe's looking through the Book Of Shadows.] Piper: Nothing? Phoebe: Nada. Piper: There's got to be something. Phoebe: I'm telling you. There's no Dream Sorcerer stuff anywhere. Piper: That's impossible. The Book of Shadows has never let us down. Phoebe: Well, maybe he's not a demon. Maybe he's a mortal. Piper: Then he's got one hell of a power. Phoebe: You're not kidding. Piper: Demon, mortal, there's got to be some way to stop him. (The phone rings.) Piper: It's got to be Prue. Phoebe: Wait. What are you going to tell her? That we can't help her? That she can never go to sleep? (They run downstairs.) [Cut to Prue. She's in her car driving along. She's got her phone up to her ear.] Prue: Come on, answer the phone. [Cut back to the manor. Piper and Phoebe are running down the stairs. Piper answers the phone.] Piper: Hello? Prue: Hey, did you, um, find anything? Piper: No, we didn't but don't worry. You're not in this alone. Phoebe and I will help you. Prue: How can you help me when we don't even know what he is? Piper: The most important thing right now is for you get home safely. Prue: Yeah. Ok, um, look. Just keep talking. Don't let me fall asleep. Piper: (to Phoebe) She sounds exhausted. (Phoebe takes the phone.) Phoebe: Okay, Prue. Blast the air conditioning, crank the stereo and roll down the windows. Wait, don't crank the stereo. Phoebe: (to Piper) What's that song we always used to sing when we were little? Piper: The road trip song? Phoebe: Yeah. Let's sing that. Phoebe: Did you hear that, Prue? Prue: Yeah, okay. Phoebe: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. Nothing is going to happen. (Hans knocks on the door. He sounds angry.) Hans: Phoebe! Phoebe: Hans? Hans: Let me in. I have to see you. Pheobe: Go away. (Hans breaks open the door.) Are you crazy? What are you doing? Prue: Piper? Phoebe? Hans: You left me. How could you leave me? Phoebe: Hans, please. Hans: Ever since I met you I can't do anything. Eat, drink, sleep. All I can do is think about you. [Cut to Prue. She's nearly asleep.] Prue: Piper, Phoebe. The Dream Sorcerer appears in her dream.) Dream Sorcerer: Time is now, Prue. We're almost there. (Prue awakes up.) Prue: Piper, Phoebe, where are you? [Cut back to the manor. Piper and Phoebe stand on the stairs.] Hans: What have you done to me? (Hans picks up a vase of flowers and throws it at them. Piper freezes him and the vase before it can hit them.) Piper: Are you okay? Phoebe: I'm fine. (Phoebe remembers Prue.) Prue. (They run back over to the phone.) [Cut back to Prue. She's falling asleep again. She drops the phone.] [Cut back to the manor.] Phoebe: Prue! Prue! She's not there. [Cut back to Prue. She's asleep. The Dream Sorcerer appears.] Dream Sorcerer: Say good night, Prue. (You see her heading for a pole. He starts laughing.) [Cut back to the manor.] Phoebe: She's not answering. [Cut back to Prue. She has ran into the pole. The front of her car is totally smashed. Prue has her head resting on the steering wheel.] Prue: (whispering) I can't fall asleep. I can't fall asleep. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hospital. Prue's on a stretcher. The doctor's are pushing her down the corridor. A nurse runs up to her.] Doctor: (to the paramedic) What have you got? Paramedic: I've got a 27 year old female, one on one carved into a utility pole. BPA over 44.10. Unconscious at the scene. Doctor: Pupil's are responsive. Miss Halliwell, hang in there. Prue: (whispering) Must stay awake, must stay awake. (The doctor runs into a room and gives orders to a male nurse. They push Prue in the room.) Doctor: Ready, 1, 2, 3. (They lift her on the bed and hook her up to the machines.) Doctor #2: ---------- a thirty-five pulse, ----- is falling. Doctor: That can't be. Give me five hundred -------. Stay with us, Miss Halliwell. Damn, she's unconscious. (The room turns into her dream. She's still lying on the bed.) Prue: How did I get here? I'm not... Dream Sorcerer: Asleep? Actually you're unconscious. You fell asleep at the wheel. Hit a pole. Terrible terrible thing. Speaking of pain, you really hurt me last night. (Prue tries call from her cell phone) Dream Sorcerer: And not just my feelings. Prue: Suffer. (Prue starts dialing her phone.) Dream Sorcerer: We're definitely out of range. (He picks up a glass of wine.) A little wine with your death? [Cut to the dream lab. Andy and Morris are there.] Technician: Mr. Berman insists that he's not to be disturbed during his experiments. Andy: I don't care. We want to talk to him. Just wake him up. Technician: It's not gonna be easy. He's highly sedated. Andy: Just get to work. (The technician walks in the room.) Morris: I hope you're right about this. Andy: I know I am. Question now is if Berman is gonna kill again. But who? [Cut back to Prue's dream. Prue's wearing a really nice black evening dress.] Dream Sorcerer: Do you like the dress? Prue: I've worn better. Dream Sorcerer: Hmm, yeah. (The Dream Sorcerer picks up Prue off the bed.) [Cut to the hospital. Piper and Phoebe walk up to reception.] Piper: Excuse me. Doctor #2: May I help you? Piper: You called us a little while ago. Ah, our sister is here. Prue Halliwell. (He looks at some files.) Doctor #2: Oh, your sister's still in trauma one. Phoebe: Is she okay? Doctor #2: Well, if you go down to the waiting room, a doctor will be right with you. Piper: Okay, thank you. (They pretend to walk to the waiting room but when no one is looking they run down to trauma one.) [Cut back to the Dream Lab. Andy's knocking on the glass.] Andy: Mr. Berman! Mr. Berman, wake up! (to the technician) I don't care what it takes, just wake him up. (Andy continues to bang on the glass.) Mr. Berman, wake up! [Cut to Prue's dream. You hear Andy's voice.] Andy's voice: Wake up, Mr. Berman! Prue: Andy? [Cut to Prue in the hospital. Phoebe and Piper are there.] Piper: We're here, Prue, right beside you. Phoebe: Can you hear us? [Cut back to Prue's dream.] Piper's voice: Prue? Prue: Piper. Phoebe. Phoebe's voice: Prue? Dream Sorcerer: They can't help you. You're mine, now. [Cut to the hospital.] Phoebe: I'm scared. Piper: I know. Me too. Phoebe: What do we do? Piper: We don't let her give up. Piper: Prue, listen to me. You've got to fight with this guy. Phoebe: Don't leave us. Piper: You can do it. Phoebe: We need you. Piper: Use your power, Prue. Phoebe: Come back to us. [Cut to Prue's dream.] Piper's voice: Use your power. Phoebe's voice: You can do it, Prue. Prue: Where are you? Dream Sorcerer: You're powerless. Piper's voice: Prue, you can do it. Use your power against him. Prue? (The Dream Sorcerer carries her over to the edge of the building.) Dream Sorcerer: Shall I say good night, hmm? Prue: No, let me. Good night. (She uses her power and he flies over the edge of the building.) [Cut to the Dream Lab. The Dream Sorcerer is yelling in his sleep. He stops and he dies.] Andy: I don't believe it. He's dead. [Cut back to the hospital. Prue wakes up.] Piper: Prue? Phoebe: Are you okay? Prue: Yeah, I'm okay. Phoebe: What about the... Prue: He's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hospital. Piper and Phoebe are carrying bunches and bunches of flowers into Prue's room.] Phoebe: Knock, knock. Prue: Please, tell me you guys are here to pick me up. Piper: Hi. No, Dr. Black said one more day. Just to be sure. Phoebe: Yeah, and you know, it wouldn't kill you to get some rest. (She realizes what she just said and covers her mouth.) Prue: Phoebe, it's okay. Thanks for the flowers. Piper: Yeah. (Phoebe laughs.) Prue: What's going on? Phoebe: Oh, long story, not very interesting. Prue: Does this have anything to do with your lust spell? Phoebe: Mmm hmm. But don't worry. Piper: We reversed the spell last night. Phoebe: Piper called Jack. Prue: The guy that you had dinner with? Piper: And he didn't remember anything. And Phoebe called Hans... Phoebe: And he didn't remember anything. Piper: So, don't worry. Everything is back to normal. Prue: Good. (Andy walks in carrying a red rose and some take-away.) Andy: Afternoon, ladies. Surprise. Prue: Yes. It is. (Prue looks at Phoebe.) Phoebe: What are you looking at me for? I didn't tell him. (Prue then looks at Piper.) Piper: Guilty. Come on, let's go. Phoebe: Okay, bye. Piper: Um, we'll see you later tonight. Phoebe: After we raid your closet. (They leave.) Andy: Brought your favourite. (He hands Prue the take-away bag and she looks in it.) Prue: Oh, cheeseburgers and fries. Andy: Glad to see every bone in your body's not broken. Prue: What? Andy: The car accident. Never mind. (Andy gives Prue the rose.)

Prue finds her sleep disturbed by strange dreams in which she is stalked and taunted by a wheelchair-bound man who is actually a sleep researcher named Whitaker Berman ( Matt Schulze ). He kills women who he feels scorned him by visiting them in their dreams where he has absolute power. While Prue is fatigued and driving home from work in her car he attacks again and successfully causes her to drive into a telephone pole. As Prue is unconscious, he unsuccessfully tries to kill her. With encouragement from her sisters, she uses her telekinesis in the dream world to throw him off a building, killing him.

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Frontios by Christopher H. Bidmead Part Two 6:40pm - 7:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, EXT: FRONTIOS (The Doctor, Tegan and Turlough are sheltering from the bombardment.) TEGAN: It's getting lighter. DOCTOR: The attacks nearly over. Let's get out of here. Come on - the TARDIS. (They get up and move out of their shelter, and all walk very slowly over to where the TARDIS was.) TEGAN: The TARDIS - what's happened?! (All that seems to be still remaining of the TARDIS is the hat-stand. It stands alone amongst a pile of rubble.) TURLOUGH: It's gone. (The Doctor goes over and touches the hat-stand.) DOCTOR: The TARDIS has been destroyed... TEGAN: The TARDIS can't just...disintegrate! TURLOUGH: I'm afraid it has. (The Doctor turns around to see Plantagenet, Brazen and lots of Orderlies coming towards them. One Orderly points a gun at them. The Doctor has simply had enough and he snaps.) DOCTOR: Oh marvellous! You're going to kill me! What a finely tuned response to the situation! BRAZEN: Best to dispatch him now! (Norna runs in front of the gun.) NORNA: Wait! PLANTAGENET: GET OUT OF THE WAY! DOCTOR: Be careful Norna. NORNA: Why did Captain Revere dedicate the whole of his life to analysing the rocks of Frontios? BRAZEN: Remove her. PLANTAGENET: No, wait. Why do you ask when the reason is well known? My father sought the precious minerals beneath the soil. NORNA: What precious minerals? Did he find any? PLANTAGENET: He knew there must be some reason for the perpetual carnage our neighbours inflict upon us. NORNA: Well, if the Doctor is an invader, he has the answer to that question. (Range walks up, worried about his daughter.) RANGE: Um, Norna, I need some help with the lighting. PLANTAGENET: No, wait. You go. (He indicates to Tegan.) TEGAN: I don't know anything about lighting. BRAZEN: Get on with it! DOCTOR: Best to do as they say. We'll be safe as long as we remain calm, now trust me. (Tegan leaves with Range.) PLANTAGENET: Well Doctor. Can you enlighten us as to the reason for these bombardments? DOCTOR: In time, if you let me investigate. (sarcastic) If on the other hand you're going to kill me, you'd better get on with it! (Plantagenet is unimpressed, so he turns to the Orderly with the gun.) PLANTAGENET: Kill him. NORNA: No! (Norna attempts to physically stop the Orderly from shooting, while two more Orderlies restrain the Doctor.) DOCTOR: This wasn't what I had in mind at all. (The guard has managed to get past Norna and holds the gun on the Doctor. Turlough, meanwhile, goes back and pulls out the hat-stand from the ground. It makes an explosion when it comes out and all the Orderlies retreat. Turlough looks as astonished as everyone else, not expecting the explosion. He brandishes the hat-stand threateningly.) NORNA: What was that? DOCTOR: Oh, just residual energy from the TARDIS. (Plantagenet and Brazen obviously haven't seen a hat-stand before, and are visibly worried.) PLANTAGENET: What is it? BRAZEN: The thing that brings down the bombardment... [SCENE_BREAK] 2, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Someone fills the battery with more acid.) RANGE: That's enough. TEGAN: That battery had better work after all our efforts. RANGE: It's in good condition; we're just topping it up. TEGAN: The Doctor is safe, isn't he? RANGE: For the time being - though death is a daily occurrence on this planet, as you can see. The constant state of panic, and the growing number of Rets... TEGAN: Rets? RANGE: Retrogrades. It's what we call the deserters. More of them leave every week to...hunt out in the wastes like animals. TEGAN: Orderlies shoot deserters? RANGE: If they have to - oh yes it's a waste of life, but discipline is paramount. TEGAN: But every death increases the danger of extinction! RANGE: Do you think I'm not aware of that? (Tegan walks over to grab a lamp from the wall, and a patient on a stretcher beneath her grabs her leg.) PATIENT: Water... TEGAN: ...Water. He needs some water! [SCENE_BREAK] 3, EXT: FRONTIOS (Outside, Turlough still holds everyone back with the hat-stand. Plantagenet moves as close as he dares to make a speech.) PLANTAGENET: Now at last, the colonists of Frontios are face to face with their persecutors. For my father's sake, Doctor, I should like that question answered. DOCTOR: What, the precious rocks under the soil business? Well, so would <st1:place>I.</st1:place> Whatever's going on here has put paid to my TARDIS. PLANTAGENET: You deny you're at war with us? DOCTOR: If it is war - and I'm not so sure about that - then you and I, Plantagenet, are in the same shell-hole. Now... (He bends down and picks up one of the meteorites.) DOCTOR: ...Does anyone know where these are coming from? NORNA: Well, we know it's one of the other planets in the Veruna system... PLANTAGENET: Without instruments it's impossible to tell which one. DOCTOR: This rock analysis...you've been investigating the 'why fors', I think you should be looking into the 'where froms'. Mr. Range tells me you have a Research Room... BRAZEN: The research room was sealed up, by the orders of the late Captain Revere. DOCTOR: (annoyed) Well if you want answers, you'd better unseal it! PLANTAGENET: There's nothing in that room that could possibly be of any use to us. TURLOUGH: That's not true! It's full of invaluable equipment. DOCTOR: You've been inside it? TURLOUGH: It's where we found the battery... (The Doctor seems to have a plan, and while smiling knowingly at Turlough he indicates towards the colonists.) DOCTOR: The trouble is, if these good people don't want us inside... TURLOUGH: Yes Doctor...I er...I think I know how to change their minds. (With that, Turlough quickly turns around and brandishes the hat-stand again, and the crowd of people steps backwards in fear.) PLANTAGENET: Order the Research Room to be opened! [SCENE_BREAK] 4, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Range is giving the patient some water, whose head collapses back onto the pillow.) RANGE: Thank you, you can get back to your work now. TEGAN: It's no good, is it? RANGE: I'm afraid not. [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: CORRIDOR OUTSIDE RESEARCH ROOM (Two Orderlies are breaking down the grille barrier on the Research Room door. The Doctor stands behind them, with Turlough who still carries the hat-stand.) TURLOUGH: HURRY UP! DOCTOR: Yes uh...Careful with that thing. (The door is opened, and the Doctor, Norna, Brazen and Plantagenet go in, followed by Turlough. On his way past the Orderly, Plantagenet takes his crowbar quietly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (The Doctor has found something that interests him.) DOCTOR: Well, here we are then. This should keep us busy. Ah...Turlough, you can help. TURLOUGH: I um...I don't know a lot about chemical tests. NORNA: I do. DOCTOR: Good! Good. I want to run a series on halides and silica. And do stop waving that thing around. (The Doctor nearly runs into the end of the hat-stand, so Turlough puts it down. As he does do, Plantagenet swings the crowbar at Turlough.) NORNA: LOOK OUT! (But he doesn't even finish the attack; he yells, clutches his chest and collapses to the ground. Brazen runs forward, thinking Turlough attacked him. Turlough quickly turns the hat-stand on him.) TURLOUGH: I wouldn't! (to the Doctor) What did I do? DOCTOR: I think this joke's gone far enough. (The Doctor takes the hat-stand and puts it on the ground. They all walk over to Plantagenet. The Doctor begins to investigate what is wrong.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (A body is being taken away. Range writes on a small board. He finishes, goes over to a small set of draws and begins typing a code into the keypad. The draw opens and he starts writing on the thing he takes out.) WOMAN (OOV): MR. RANGE! (He runs over to where the acid jar is overflowing. He starts to fix it. Meanwhile, Tegan has been working on the lights, she goes over to the drawer which is still open, and she notices an envelope which reads "DEATHS UNACCOUNTABLE".) TEGAN: "Deaths unaccountable"... (Suddenly she is startled by a noise, so she quickly puts back the envelope, and then shuts the drawer. She turns around to see Range still busy, so she turns back to the drawer, which is of course now locked.) TEGAN: ...Rabbits! (She starts typing numbers on the keypad.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (The Doctor finishes looking at Plantagenet.) DOCTOR: Medical Centre, quickly! BRAZEN: So, he was hit. DOCTOR: Delayed effect of a glancing blow. (to Norna and Turlough) Now, I want you to stay here, and start those tests. [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Tegan now attempts to open the draw with a knife. A hand closes around her wrist, it is Range.) RANGE: What do you think you're doing? TEGAN: I'm...I'm trying to get the drawer open if you really want to know. RANGE: Curiosity is dangerous on Frontios. TEGAN: Not as dangerous as ignorance. RANGE: What do you know? What have you seen? TEGAN: Deaths unaccountable. RANGE: You must forget that you saw that! TEGAN: There's something going on here, isn't there. Some racket you're into. DOCTOR (OOV): TEGAN! (The Doctor runs in and points at the wall.) DOCTOR: Ah...those wires. TEGAN: What about them? DOCTOR: Rip them down. TEGAN: I've only just put them up! DOCTOR: Well jolly good, now you can rip them down again! Damp cloths, anything damp! (Plantagenet is carried onto a small bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (Norna is doing the tests; Turlough doesn't seem to be helping.) TURLOUGH: I wouldn't put up with it. NORNA: Well, we have to; we don't have the technology to go anywhere else. TURLOUGH: Yes, I'm er...I'm beginning to know the feeling. (He picks up the hat-stand and moves it out of the way.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER BRAZEN: What's the matter with him? DOCTOR: Fibrillating. TEGAN: What? RANGE: It's his heart; the Doctor's going to get it going again. (He takes the cloths from Range, the wires from Tegan, and turns to Range who is now over at the battery.) DOCTOR: Are we ready? RANGE: Ready. DOCTOR: Now. (Range presses down the plunger of the battery.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: RESEARCH ROOM TURLOUGH: Why didn't you dig deep bunkers? The Arar-Jecks of Heiradi hollowed out a huge subterranean city under their planet during the 20 aeon war. NORNA: Well there was a quarry, where the stone came from to build the medical shelter - converted that into a place to get away from the bombardment. TURLOUGH: It sounds very sensible. NORNA: We always used to go there to shelter. Then all that got stopped. TURLOUGH: Why? NORNA: Captain Revere made a law against it. TURLOUGH: Oh, as simple as that - he made a law. NORNA: Forbidding any digging under the ground. TURLOUGH: Surely there must have been a reason? NORNA: Captain Revere never gave reasons...Except once. When I was very small, I was sitting on his knee in the State Room, and I asked him why we couldn't go underground anymore. He said...it was a child answer - seemed quite sensible at the time. TURLOUGH: What did he say? NORNA: He said the earth was...hungry. [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (The Doctor listens to Plantagenet's heart. He quickly holds the wires in place again.) DOCTOR: Again! (Range pushes the plunger and Plantagenet's body arches and then collapses.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (Turlough holds out an instrument to Norna.) TURLOUGH: There... NORNA: That's not a pressure filter. TURLOUGH: Oh, sorry, I er...I was just wondering...these rocks. NORNA: What about them? TURLOUGH: Well...they're all labelled with dates. They must've come from somewhere. NORNA: They did; the quarry. TURLOUGH: Yes, but some of the dates are recent. You told me that quarry had been closed for years! (He runs off to the other part of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (The Doctor listens to Plantagenet's chest again. His expression is unreadable.) BRAZEN: You've killed him. (Plantagenet's eyes slowly open.) DOCTOR: I admit it was touch and go for a minute. [SCENE_BREAK] 16, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (Turlough is examining the pulley system that they used before.) NORNA: What are you up to? TURLOUGH: Well...they obviously didn't install this just for us. NORNA: It's for lifting equipment. TURLOUGH: What equipment? What's so heavy in here that needs a block and tackle? [SCENE_BREAK] 17, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Plantagenet is now awake.) DOCTOR: Try to get some rest. PLANTAGENET: Rest...death is the only kind of rest you bring to Frontios! (Brazen holds him down.) BRAZEN: Don't exert yourself, Leader. We have everything under control. PLANTAGENET: I have responsibilities. Frontios depends upon me. BRAZEN: Nevertheless, you should take the Doctor's advice. PLANTAGENET: So you've changed your mind about him too? BRAZEN: I wouldn't commit myself on that, but it was the Doctor that saved your life. TEGAN: The Doctor's alright. You must've realized that by now. PLANTAGENET: You saved my life? Is this true? DOCTOR: Not a word to the Time Lords. [SCENE_BREAK] 18, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (Turlough brings the block and tackle over to a different place, still deep in thought. He walks back out to where Norna is.) NORNA: Very ingenious. TURLOUGH: No, not really. The block and tackle is a simple enough invention. NORNA: I mean you and your excuses to get out of helping. TURLOUGH: How long ago were you in the Research Room. NORNA: When I was very small. I came with my father when he was still Captain Revere's personal science assistant. TURLOUGH: And was that up there then? (He points to the block and tackle.) NORNA: No. TURLOUGH: Exactly. (He walks out to the other part of the room again.) TURLOUGH: These floor plates are solid metal - heavy, solid metal. Norna? Come here. (Norna arrives.) TURLOUGH: We are about to find out where Captain Revere got his rock collection. That hook goes in...here. (He opens a small flap in the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (The Doctor sits at Plantagenet's side. Tegan comes back with another pillow for Plantagenet.) PLANTAGENET: So you see, Doctor, Frontios is not the easiest planet to rule. DOCTOR: After 30 years of bombardments, yes I take your point. TEGAN: Your friend Brazen doesn't trust us an inch. PLANTAGENET: Ah, he's a good man - if a little narrow in his outlook. TEGAN: He's planning to move you to your quarters in the colony ship. PLANTAGENET: The colony ship? No, I must stay here with my people! DOCTOR: Democratic touch, eh? PLANTAGENET: Hardly democracy, Doctor. I must remain in public sight. If the people of Frontios think for one moment that I am dead, there will be anarchy! [SCENE_BREAK] 20, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (Turlough now pulls on the rope; the hook is attached to the ground. One of the floor plates is being lifted; Norna attempts to pull it out.) NORNA: Come on, pull! TURLOUGH: What do you think I'm doing?! (They succeed in putting the floor plate aside.) NORNA: I wonder what's down there... TURLOUGH: Let's take a look. [SCENE_BREAK] 21, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Brazen and Range are now standing with the others as well.) DOCTOR: Now, what's making you so vulnerable to attack is the thin atmosphere on Frontios. PLANTAGENET: Why do they come so frequently now? DOCTOR: Yes...I have some theories about that, and with your permission I'll return to the Research Room and confirm them. PLANTAGENET: Thank you Doctor. DOCTOR: Tegan... (Tegan starts to get up.) PLANTAGENET: Ah, your assistant may stay here with me. That way we'll all...trust one another. (The Doctor doesn't look impressed.) DOCTOR: Then perhaps you'll come with me, Mr. Range. RANGE: Yes, of course. DOCTOR: Good. See you later. (They leave. As they go, Brazen approaches an Orderly.) BRAZEN: Keep an eye on them. (The Orderly leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22, INT: MINES (Turlough descends the ladder down into the mines, followed by Norna.) TURLOUGH: Careful...Come down slowly. (They look around for a while.) TURLOUGH: This rock, it's sort of moth-eaten. NORNA: Hey look! There's a way through. (Turlough doesn't follow her.) NORNA: Don't tell me you're frightened? TURLOUGH: No, it's just like something I remember... (They go deeper into the mines.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23, INT: COLONY SHIP (The Doctor and Range are walking towards the Research Room.) DOCTOR: You know, Mr. Range, if I'm right, these so-called missiles of yours are nothing more or less than natural meteorites. RANGE: Meteorites? In such quantities? DOCTOR: Oh, it's unusual I grant you, but one of the planets in the Veruna system may have disintegrated with long-term fallout. RANGE: Surely Captain Revere could have detected that? DOCTOR: Oh, I think he did. [SCENE_BREAK] 24, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Tegan is tending to Plantagenet, who is asleep. Brazen approaches.) BRAZEN: He'll fill out - find his strength. I saw his father grow the same. The odds were terribly against us, you know, but...he held this colony together with a will of steel. TEGAN: I'm beginning to understand the problems of this planet, what with all the deaths accountable and unaccountable. (Brazen's proud smile vanishes, and Tegan straight away regrets even speaking.) BRAZEN: What do you know about deaths unaccountable? TEGAN: Just a phrase I heard... BRAZEN: Heard where?! TEGAN: I don't know, just...heard it somewhere... (Tegan knows she has dug herself even deeper, and tries an innocent smile.) BRAZEN: Or in some records?! TEGAN: You know about the data store then? (Brazen grabs Tegan.) BRAZEN: Data store? (He leads her off quickly.) BRAZEN: Right! TEGAN (OOV): Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just came across it in a book somewhere. It sounds like a title - 'Deaths Unaccountable'. You can't do that to Mr. Range's records... (As Tegan speaks, Plantagenet opens his eyes and seems to lose control of his body, which stands to move off the bed by itself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25, INT: CORRIDOR OUTSIDE RESEARCH ROOM DOCTOR: What puzzles me... is how it managed to crash in the first place - with er...all that autonomous guidance on board. RANGE: Well the systems failed. DOCTOR: What, before the crash? RANGE: Yes, without the failure there would've been no crash. The guidance systems - everything went together. DOCTOR: Did they now? I see why you call it the day of catastrophe. (They go inside the Research Room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (The Doctor goes over to the bench and picks up Norna's experiments, while Range goes to look for Norna and Turlough.) RANGE: They've gone - exploring by the look of it. DOCTOR: Oh. A rock analysis - they look like Widmanstatten patterns to me, which would seem to confirm... (Range is standing over the hole leading to the mines. The Doctor joins him.) DOCTOR: ...What's the matter? RANGE: I'm afraid they may be in danger down there. DOCTOR: Turlough wouldn't risk an unsafe tunnel. RANGE: No, not that. I've suspected for a long time that Captain Revere ordered the quarry closed because of something he found. DOCTOR: What sort of something? RANGE: A geological feature, perhaps? Something beneath the surface...it might be dangerous to disturb. [SCENE_BREAK] 27, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Brazen has found the envelope with 'Deaths Unaccountable' on it.) BRAZEN: So, it's Mr. Range who's been spreading these rumours. TEGAN: What rumours? BRAZEN: Disinformation about the status quo! (To an Orderly) You, keep an eye on things down here! (He runs out. Plantagenet, meanwhile, is on the soil next to the bed.) PLANTAGENET: Aaa...help...help! (Tegan runs over to him.) TEGAN: Plantagenet! (She physically tries to lift him up, but he is unable to be moved. He is being sucked down into the ground. Within seconds, the leader of Frontios is nowhere to be seen - eaten by the earth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28, INT: MINES (Norna and Turlough are continuing through the mines. It is clear that Turlough is uncomfortable.) NORNA: Bring the light here a minute. (He goes over to her.) NORNA: The walls are quite different here. TURLOUGH: Smooth like glass. Perhaps we ought to go back. NORNA: In a minute. I want to see where this leads to. (She runs off excitedly again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (Range passes a lamp down the hole to the Doctor.) RANGE: Are you sure, Doctor? ... [SCENE_BREAK] 30, INT: MINES RANGE: ...I want to help. DOCTOR: You will, Mr. Range, by staying here. These sort of adventures depend on a well-manned home base. [SCENE_BREAK] 31, INT: MINES (Norna has led Turlough to another different part of the mines.) TURLOUGH: Can we go back now? Please. NORNA: Look, come on chicken... TURLOUGH: I'm not frightened! I'm just thinking. NORNA: Well I'll leave you to it then. I'm going on. TURLOUGH: No wait...I'm coming! (He hurries off after her. After they are both gone, two shiny 'features' of the wall where they were standing start to move and, as they turn around, it can be seen that they are two large insect-like creatures with dark shiny shells. They slowly move off following Turlough and Norna.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Brazen is back, and he is inspecting the soil where Plantagenet disappeared.) TEGAN: It's true. It's as if something was sucking him through the floor! I must get the Doctor! BRAZEN: I don't think so! (He grabs her arm when she tries to run past him.) BRAZEN: We're going to need you here. (Suddenly a large group of colonists start running into the medical shelter. Brazen walks over and notices Cockerill amongst them.) BRAZEN: What's the meaning of this crass behaviour?!...Cockerill! What's going on? COCKERILL: I'm...trying to control the crowd, sir. There's unrest about the leader. BRAZEN: You're an Orderly, aren't you. So keep order! That's the meaning of the word! (Cockerill quickly ushers the crowd out.) BRAZEN: Go on, out! COCKERILL: They think Plantagenet's dead. BRAZEN: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] 33, EXT: FRONTIOS BRAZEN: You've come to show them he's alive, I suppose, eh? What do you think this is - a waxworks museum? Some right retrograde material amongst you lot! Go on...get back to your business! Let Plantagenet and myself get back with ours! (He throws a metal bar that one of the people had carried onto the ground. They all walk off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34, INT: MINES (The Doctor walks along the mines. Suddenly he hears a noise, so he hides. But it is only Range. He walks right up next to the Doctor without seeing him.) RANGE: Doctor? Are you there? DOCTOR: I thought you were supposed to be guarding the rear. RANGE: It's my daughter, Doctor. I can't let you take all the risk. DOCTOR: (unimpressed) Oh well, a risk shared is a risk doubled. Come along. [SCENE_BREAK] 35, INT: MEDICAL SHELTER (Tegan tries to sneak out past the Orderly, but he notices her.) ORDERLY: Hey! (Tegan grabs the loose wires from the lights, intending to use them as a weapon, but Brazen has cut her off at the top of the stairs.) BRAZEN: Now now! We'll have none of that activity here. (Tegan puts the wires together, causing a bright flash, which blinds Brazen for a while. She runs out of the building...) BRAZEN: Ah! Quickly stop her! [SCENE_BREAK] 36, EXT: FRONTIOS (She closes the door and barricades it with the metal bar Brazen threw before.) BRAZEN (OOV): She's getting away! (She runs away from the medical shelter, only to see a large group of Orderlies running from the ship bulkhead with crates of food that they have stolen.) TEGAN: The looting's started already! [SCENE_BREAK] 37, INT: MINES (Norna is still leading Turlough around. Turlough is now visibly worried.) NORNA: Oh come on, stop daydreaming. TURLOUGH: It's more like a nightmare. NORNA: What is? TURLOUGH: I keep glimpsing something out of the corner of my eye. NORNA: Yes, they're funny these reflections. TURLOUGH: And there's a word that goes with it...Tractators...that's it... NORNA: Oh come on, just a little bit further. TURLOUGH: Tractators...tractators. (Turlough eventually follows Norna, whispering the word to himself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38, INT: RESEARCH ROOM (Tegan is surprised to find the Research Room empty.) TEGAN: Doctor? (She finds the entrance to the mines. She grabs a lamp and looks down.) TEGAN: Doctor? Is there anybody down there? [SCENE_BREAK] 39, INT: MINES (The Doctor stops Range.) DOCTOR: Ssh. RANGE: I can't here anything. DOCTOR: Listen. (There is a bloodcurdling yell from somewhere in the mines. It is Turlough.) RANGE: I heard that. (Turlough runs into view of the Doctor, who has to physically stop him from running past him.) DOCTOR: Turlough! Turlough... (Turlough is delirious, he looks totally petrified, and his staring eyes are made to look even more insane by the slight green glow of the lamps.) TURLOUGH: Tractators! I'VE SEEN THEM! DOCTOR: Mr. Range? Look after Turlough. I'm going on alone. (Range takes Turlough, who is staring blankly into nothing, and breathing heavily. The Doctor walks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40, EXT: FRONTIOS BRAZEN: (OOV) Get this door open! (The door starts to get broken down with a makeshift battering ram.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41, INT: MINES (Range makes Turlough sit down. Tegan runs up.) TEGAN: So here you are. Is he alright? RANGE: Yes, I think so. TEGAN: What happened? RANGE: I don't know. The Doctor's gone to investigate. TEGAN: You take care of him. The Doctor will probably need some help. RANGE: No! Wait! (Tegan doesn't stop though.) RANGE: What happened in there? Please tell me. Is my daughter safe? (But Turlough seems incapable of responding. He looks dazed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42, INT: MINES (In a large cave, Norna is surrounded by a group of scaled, insect-like creatures - Tractators. They seem to be exerting some sort of force on her, holding her immobile. Elsewhere, the Doctor is watching.) DOCTOR: So they're Tractators. (Suddenly, the Doctor spots Tegan across the other side of the cave.) DOCTOR: No Tegan! Get back! (He ducks behind a boulder, and Tegan stays out of view. One of the Tractators, bigger than the others and with a different face, turns around. The Doctor gradually puts his head up to see, but is immediately captured by the force emitted by the Tractator. It is seemingly a tractor beam of some sort and the Doctor is helplessly herded into the circle to join Norna...)

The Doctor works to help the injured colonist, Tegan discovers a file in a closed drawer called "Deaths Unaccountable". Meanwhile, Plantagenate works to convict the Doctor of being the source of the attacks on Frontios.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x10

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x10_0

-[Real World]- (August, the Stranger, is tinkering with his motorcycle outside of the Mayor's house. Henry walks up to him.) Henry: What are you doing here? August: Fixing my bike. Henry: No, I mean in Storybrooke. August: Just visiting. Henry: What's that? August: A box. Henry: What's inside it? August: Just something I need to do what I came here for. (Regina opens her front door and sees the two talking.) Henry: Well, I thought you were just visiting? August: Doesn't mean I don't have something to do. (He starts his motorcycle. Regina yells for Henry and walks towards them.) Regina: Henry! August: Better get to school. Looks like a storm's coming. (August drives off just as Regina reaches Henry.) Regina: Henry. Who was that? (Henry shrugs.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's, Emma is eating breakfast as Mary Margaret scrambles to get ready. A television airing the weather is on in the background.) MMB: I can't believe I overslept. Emma: It's only seven ten. You've got plenty of time to get to school. MMB: No, I have to be there at seven fifteen - science fair. I'm helping the kids with their project before school. Emma: I'm sure if you're five minutes late they'll live. MMB: We're making a volcano. (Mary Margaret leaves.) Emma: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret arrives at Granny's Diner. She sits at one of the tables, takes out a book, and fixes her hair in a spoon's reflection. At seven fifteen, David enters the diner and walks up to the counter. Ruby serves him two coffees.) Ruby: One cream and sugar, one black. David: Thank you. (David takes the coffees and notices Mary Margaret sitting behind him.) David: Good morning. MMB: Morning! David: I-I... I should go. I'm going to be late for work. MMB: Oh, the animal shelter, right? How's that going? David: Well, the apes haven't taken over. MMB: Yet. David: Not on my watch. (David leaves. She sees him meet Kathryn at their car, where he gives her the coffee and a kiss on the cheek. Emma comes out of the back room.) Emma: This is making a volcano? MMB: I was- Emma: I get it. MMB: He comes here every morning at seven fifteen a.m. to get coffee. Emma: For him and his wife. MMB: I know, I know, I know. I just like to...come here to see him. Emma: So you're a stalker? MMB: No, not really... Maybe a little bit. I mean, it's not like I'm following him. I just know that he spends his mornings with Kathryn, gets coffee, then drives to the animal shelter to start work at seven thirty and then he's home around five. Emma: Oh, is that all? MMB: Thursdays they pick up Chinese for dinner. I can't get him out of my head. Emma: I know. Maybe the first step is not showing up here tomorrow. MMB: Love's the worst. I wish there was a magic cure. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White is hunting a wild turkey in the forest with a spear. She goes to take aim, but the turkey flies away. Red Riding Hood comes into view.) Red: Hey! It's me. Snow White: Red! Red: The spear, Snow. Snow White: Oh, sorry. (She lowers her spear and walks over to Red Riding Hood.) Snow White: Wasn't expecting you for a month. Red: It's been a month. Snow White: Has it? Red: You're really taking well to the solitude, aren't ya? Snow White: It's fine. It's exactly what I wanted - to be out here...away. Red: And that you are. Here you go. (She hands Snow White the basket of food.) Snow White: Thank you. So, how are things back in the world? Red: Come on - ask what you really want. Snow White: I don't know what you mean. (Red Riding Hood gives Snow White a look.) Snow White: Okay, fine. Tell me. Red: The wedding's happening. Prince James is marrying Midas' daughter. In two days time. You okay? Snow White: I just thought the longer I was out here, the easier it would be to forget him, but... Instead, all I do is think about him. Red: I'm sorry. Snow White: I wish there was a way to get him out of my head. ...What, is there? Red: Of course not. That would be- Snow White: Red, what do you know? Come on - I helped you when no one else would. What do you know? Red: Well, there are whispers. Whispers of a man who can achieve even the most unholy of requests. A man who can do what you ask. Snow White: Who is this man? [SCENE_BREAK] (Snow White paddles a rowboat through the fog. She reaches a pier, where she gets out and ties down her boat. Rumpelstiltskin appears behind her in the boat.) Rumpelstiltskin: How much for this? Snow White: Excuse me? Rumpelstiltskin: Your boat. Exquisite craftsmanship. Snow White: It's not for sale. Rumpelstiltskin: Of course it is, dearie. No one comes to see me without a deal in mind. Snow White: So you're Rumpelstiltskin? Rumpelstiltskin: Indeed, I am. I've been looking forward to meeting you. Wow. You really are the fairest of them all, aren't you? What can I do for you? Snow White: I need a cure. Rumpelstiltskin: What ails you, child? Snow White: A broken heart. Rumpelstiltskin: Ah. The most painful of afflictions. Well, I'm afraid if you want me to make him love you, no can do. And nothing can. Snow White: Oh, no. That's not the problem. We can't be together. Rumpelstiltskin: Well that, I can help you with. (He pulls out an empty vial and dips it in the water. When he takes it out, the water in the vial turns a cloudy white.) Snow White: That'll do it? Rumpelstiltskin: Not yet. No two loves are exactly alike. We must make this personal. (Rumpelstiltskin pulls out a strand of Snow White's hair and adds it to the solution.) Snow White: So, if I drink that, I'll no longer love him. Rumpelstiltskin: The next time you see the object of your grief, you won't even remember who he is. Snow White: Won't remember him? Rumpelstiltskin: Love is the most powerful magic. The cure must be extreme. Snow White: 'Extreme' sounds like an understatement. Rumpelstiltskin: Don't doubt yourself now, dearie. Love makes us sick, haunts our dreams, destroys our days. Love has killed more than any disease. This cure is a gift. Snow White: What's your price? Rumpelstiltskin: These'll do. (He holds up a leftover strand of her hair.) Snow White: What do you need of my hair? Rumpelstiltskin: What do you need of it now? It's been plucked from your head. Do we have a deal? (Snow White takes the potion from his hand.) Rumpelstiltskin: I thought so. Drink it in good health, Snow White. -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret is shopping, when she bumps into Kathryn. Regina is also in the same aisle.) MMB: I'm so sorry! Kathryn: It's fine. Don't worry about it. MMB: I wasn't looking. Regina: Clearly. Kathryn: Oh, is this yours? (Kathryn hands her a chocolate bar.) MMB: Um, yes, thank you. Um, this must... (Mary Margaret picks up a pregnancy test. She hands it to Kathryn.) MMB: Good luck. Kathryn: Thank you. (Kathryn walks away, leaving Regina and Mary Margaret alone.) Regina: I trust you'll be discrete? Their lives are their business - not yours. -[Fairy Tale World]- (At King George's castle, Prince Charming looks out over the balcony while music is heard in the background. King George enters the room with a box in hand.) King George: James. Prince Charming: How goes the feast? King George: Your absence is felt. It is, after all, in your honour. I thought this might rouse you from your chamber. (He pulls the lid off of the box, revealing a crown.) Prince Charming: You could feed the kingdom for an entire winter with that crown. King George: It's a gift - from King Midas. For you to wear as you marry his daughter. Once that is done, our new prosperity will allow us to feed the kingdom for all eternity. Show some enthusiasm. Prince Charming: Enthusiasm wasn't part of the deal. The wedding's in two days. I've honoured your wishes. King George: But I want your heart - not just your honour. Prince Charming: My heart shall belong to Abigail. King George: You think I'm a fool, don't you? Your heart can't belong to Abigail when it's held by another woman. And don't deny it. I know that look. Who is she? Prince Charming: I met her on a journey. We haven't seen each other since, but... She stayed with me. King George: Forget her. Prince Charming: You speak as if that's so easy. King George: Nobility was not meant to be easy. All this wealth, the power we hold over other men's lives - do you think that comes at no cost? Prince Charming: I asked for none of it. King George: You were chosen to be my son. Plucked from poverty, wanting for nothing. Be thankful for that. Prince Charming: It wasn't charity, Father. It was the only way to save your kingdom. King George: Watch yourself, boy. This is a choice you made. A role you have taken - honour it. There is too much at stake. Do whatever it takes to get that woman out of your head, because nothing is going to stop this wedding. (King George leaves. Prince Charming rushes to his desk and starts writing a letter that begins 'Dearest Snow'. He attaches the letter to a carrier pigeon and sets it free.) Prince Charming: Find her. -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret is walking along a gravel road through the forest. She hears a cooing noise coming from the slope on the edge of the road. She slides down the incline and finds a dove trapped in some plastic netting.) MMB: Oh, hey. How did you manage to get yourself... Come on - it's going to be okay. (She frees the dove and takes it with her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the pet shelter, Mary Margaret is talking to the vet. David is standing off to the side.) Vet: Well, the good news is, no broken bones. She was just a little dehydrated, but I got her some fluids and she should be just fine. MMB: And the bad news? Vet: Well, this is a north Atlantic dove. It's a migratory species. Very unique among American doves. They tend to form strong, monogamous bonds, meaning- MMB: If I don't get her back to her flock, she'll be alone forever. Vet: Well, it's a long shot, but the alternative... (He puts the dove into a cage.) Vet: She'll heal, but she won't be happy here. MMB: I'll take my chances. Thank you, Doctor. Vet: You're welcome. Good luck. (The vet leaves. Mary Margaret takes the dove's cage and goes to leave.) David: Mary Margaret, there's a storm coming. You really shouldn't go out there. MMB: Well, the storm's coming tomorrow. If I wait, she could be lost forever. Completely alone. No one deserves that. David: Then let me drive you. MMB: I don't need your help, David. I'll be fine. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma is loading storm supplies into the trunk of her squad car. Regina walks up to her.) Emma: If you're looking to blame me for the storm, I think you're taking things a bit far now. Regina: I need you to look into something, Sheriff. Someone's in town - someone new. Emma: Yeah, I know. I gave him directions to Granny's the other night. Regina: You talked to him? What'd he say? Emma: He asked for directions. What's the big deal? Who is he? Regina: I don't know. I asked around, but no one seems to know anything. There's something about him. Something familiar. Emma: He must be one of the untold millions you cursed. Regina: What? Emma: Oh, you know. The curse. Henry's whole thing. Regina: Sheriff, I need you to find out who he is, what he wants and what he's doing here. Emma: You know, as hard as you tried to find one in my case, there is no law against visiting Storybrooke. Regina: This isn't about the law, Miss Swan. You're going to do this because I asked you to. And because you'll see it's the right thing to do. Emma: And why is that? Regina: Because he was in front of my house. Taking a particular interest in the one thing we both care about - Henry. Emma: I'll look into him. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret is driving along the same gravel road where she found the dove. She has the dove in its cage on the seat next to her. Thunder can be heard in the distance.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White is looking at the potion vial that Rumpelstiltskin gave her. The carrier pigeon from Prince Charming lands on her hand and she unties the letter.) Letter: Dearest Snow. I have not heard from you since our meeting and can only assume you found the happiness you so desired. But I must let you know, not a day goes by that I have not thought of you. In two day's time, I am to be married. Come to me before then. Come to me and show me you feel the same and we can be together forever. And if you don't, I will have my answer. -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret continues along the gravel road, until she comes to a 'Road Closed' sign.) MMB: Well, the flock can't be much farther. We just have to beat the storm. They're waiting for you. (She takes the dove's cage and gets out of the car.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White, wearing a cloak to conceal her identity, carries a basket of flowers through the courtyard of King George's castle. She approaches the unarmored guard, who is acting as a gatekeeper.) Snow White: Flowers for Prince James from the Kingdom of Midas. Guard: Top of the northeast spire. Take the service stairwell. The guards will toss you over the walls. (She walks past him and enters the castle. Inside, she ditches the flower basket and her cloak. She continues down a hall, when she hears the sound of a door opening. Snow White hides behind a pillar as the person walks past. She realizes it's Prince Charming, but is suddenly grabbed from behind by a guard. The guard takes her to the dungeon and throws her in one of the cells.) Snow White: Wait! I am a royal embassary! Guard: Sure you are. The King will decide your fate. (The guard leaves. Snow White unsuccessfully shakes the bars and climbs up the front of the cell. Next, she attempts to climb up the stone wall at the back of the cell, but ends up falling. While laying on the ground, she hears whistling coming from the cell next to her.) Snow White: Who's there? Grumpy: What are you looking at, Sister? Tried it all. Steel gets stronger as we grow weaker. Snow White: Well, I am not...giving...up. (She tries to pry open the lock with a rock.) Grumpy: Give it time. Grumpy. Snow White: I'm not grumpy - I'm focused. Grumpy: No. My name - Grumpy. I'm telling you there's no way out. Snow White: Well, I'm Snow, and I'll find one. Grumpy: You say so. Snow White: There's someone out there for me - someone I love very much. And I will not lose him. Grumpy: Love, huh? Good luck with that. Snow White: Yeah? What do you know about it? Grumpy: It's why I'm stuck in this hole. I had it bad. She was beautiful as a fairy. But I lost her. I was desperate to get her back, so I came up with a plan. I worked at the diamond mines. Traded all my wages to the foreman for a diamond to propose. But I got swindled. It was a stolen rock and I took the blame. I'm no thief, but they think I am. Should've known better. But I wasn't thinking clearly - all cause of love. And now here I am - trapped - with no way out. (A voice suddenly calls out.) Stealthy: I know a way out. (A figured dressed in black slinks toward the cells. It turns out to be another dwarf.) Grumpy: Stealthy! Stealthy: You ready to go home? Grumpy: How'd you get in here? Stealthy: Doc whipped up the sleeping gas - knocked all the guards out cold. The rest are waiting with transport. Snow White: There's more of you? Stealthy: Who's that? She's pretty. Grumpy: No one. Come on - let's go! (Stealthy frees Grumpy and the two go to leave.) Snow White: Grumpy? Good luck. I hope you get your love back. Grumpy: Son-of-a... Give me that. (Grumpy takes the keys from Stealthy and frees Snow White.) Grumpy: Come on. -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret has set out on foot along the road. The storm can still be heard in the distance.) MMB: Do you hear that? Your flock! (Mary Margaret looks over the edge of the road. She puts down the dove's cage and goes closer to the slope. Thunder clashes and she ends up falling down the incline and over the side of a cliff. She grabs onto a branch and dangles over the river below. She attempts to crawl up, but ends up falling farther down. Suddenly, David appears and extends his hand to Mary Margaret.) David: Here! MMB: David! David: Grab my hand! (Mary Margaret grabs his hand.) David: Hold tight! Come on. (David pulls Mary Margaret to safety.) David: You'd really think I'd let you come out here alone? You okay? MMB: Yeah. I'm fine, thanks. (She walks up the incline and back towards where she left the dove. David follows her.) David: Where are you going? MMB: I came to find the flock. David: And I came here to get you before you got hurt. We have to go. (A torrential rainfall starts as they find the dove's cage.) MMB: No. David: Doing this on foot is not the best plan. MMB: The gate was closed. David: I know. I saw. It's too late - we have to go. MMB: No! But the fl- David: Mary Margaret, it's not safe. We need to get out of here. Come on! (Mary Margaret agrees and the two of them run to find shelter.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White, Grumpy and Stealthy are quickly, but silently, running through the tunnels of the dungeon. Snow White stops when they pass a set of stairs.) Snow White: Oh, hey, wait! The stairs. Stealthy: No, we sneak out through the courtyard. Snow White: No, it's safer if we crawl over the curtain wall. Trust me - hiding from royals is my life. Stealthy: No, the courtyard is clear now. It won't be for much longer. Grumpy: Sorry, lady. Stealthy got me this far. (Grumpy and Stealthy leave Snow White behind and continue through the tunnel.) Snow White: Grumpy... Grumpy, wait! [SCENE_BREAK] (Grumpy and Stealthy make it to the courtyard. It seems to be clear, but King George and several guards appear around the corner.) Guard: Halt! Those two are prisoners. Stealthy: Grumpy, run! We can make it! Grumpy: Stealthy, no! (Stealthy starts to run, but is shot with an arrow by a guard in a tower. Stealthy falls to the ground and Grumpy kneels by his side. King George and his guards approach them.) Grumpy: No! Stealthy... King George: Where is the girl? Grumpy: What girl? King George: Kill him. (A guard draws his sword and prepares to swing, but stops when Snow White speaks up. Behind them, Snow White holds a torch over a pile of straw.) Snow White: Looking for me? Let him go, or this place will burn. King George: Be gone, dwarf. Snow White: Go, Grumpy. (A guard kicks Grumpy over. He scrambles to his feet and flees the courtyard.) King George: Now, Snow White. We need to talk. -[Real World]- (David and Mary Margaret are still caught in the storm.) David: There! (He points to a cabin in the woods.) David: Come on! (They run to the front door and look in the window.) MMB: Hello? Hello, is anyone in there? It's empty. (David kicks in the door and the two of them rush into the cabin. David gets a fire going in the fireplace.) David: Okay, let's get you dry. MMB: Whose cabin is this? Are you sure it's okay for us to be in here? David: Well, you're roommates with the Sheriff, so I doubt she'll arrest us for breaking and entering. Here. (He puts a blanket over Mary Margaret's shoulders, but she shrugs it off.) David: Hey, I'm just... I'm just trying to help. What's going on with you today? MMB: What's going on? 'What's going on' is I still have feelings for you. David: What? MMB: Why do you think I go to Granny's every morning at seven fifteen? It's to see you. I don't even know why, because it just makes me miserable. Because every time I see you, it just reminds me that you chose Kathryn instead of me. And that's why I didn't want you to come to the woods with me. Because being around you is too... It's too painful. (David laughs.) MMB: You think this is funny. David: No. No, it's just... The reason I go to Granny's every morning at seven fifteen is to see you. (They slowly lean in for a kiss, but Mary Margaret pulls back.) MMB: How can you do this? David: What are you talking about? MMB: David, I know. David: You know what? MMB: About Kathryn. David: what about Kathryn? MMB: That she thinks she's pregnant. David: What? [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma walks into Granny's Diner to get out of the storm. She sees the Stranger sitting at one of the booths by himself, with the box from the back of his motorcycle sitting under the table.) Emma: We need to talk. August: Why? Emma: Because you're suspicious. August: Sitting here, out in the open, drinking coffee. I wonder what kind of hell I would've raised had I ordered a donut. Emma: You were talking to Henry. August: You mean the little kid who came up to me asking me questions? Is that unusual for him? Being curious and precocious? Emma: What were you doing outside his house? August: My bike broke down. It happens. Emma: Your mysterious box - what's in it? August: It's awfully frustrating not knowing, isn't it? Emma: Just tell me. August: Why? Is it illegal to carry around a box in these parts? Emma: No, of course it's not. August: You really want to know what's inside it, don't you? Emma: No. Well, maybe. August: I'm going to make you wait. You're going to have to wait a long time and watch me carry it around. Hauling it to strange and mysterious places. And with each passing moment, the mystery will become more tantalizing. Your imagination will inflame, but so will your frustration. Never knowing - only guessing - what could possibly be inside that box? Or, you could let me buy you a drink sometime and I'll tell you right now. Emma: You want to buy me a drink? August: Yes. Emma: Okay. A drink it is. (He takes the box from underneath the booth and puts it on the table. He unlocks it and opens it up, revealing a typewriter.) Emma: Really? August: I'm a writer. Emma: That's why you're here? August: I find this place provides...inspiration. Don't you? (August closes the box and locks it back up. He gets up from the booth.) Emma: Wait. Have you been here before? August: I didn't say that. (He goes to leave.) Emma: What about that drink? August: I said sometime. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret and David are still at the cabin.) MMB: You didn't know. David: No. MMB: And you two aren't trying? David: Not as far as I know. Mary Margaret, you have to believe me. I- (The sound of birds chirping can be heard outside.) MMB: Shh. The rain stopped. We need to get her out. David: No, Mary Margaret- (She picks up the dove's cage and goes out the door. David follows her.) David: Mary Margaret, please. Can we at least talk- MMB: Shh. Listen. (A cooing noise is heard in the forest. They look up and see several doves flying above them.) MMB: The flock - it didn't leave! David: They must've been waiting for the storm to clear. (Mary Margaret sets the dove's cage on the ground and lifts the dove out.) MMB: Okay. Okay, girl. Time to join your friends. You can do it. (She releases the dove and it flies off to join its flock. David reaches for Mary Margaret's hand.) MMB: No, David. It's too painful. David: It doesn't have to be. We don't know if Kathryn's pregnant. MMB: It doesn't matter. You chose her. David: I know, but I still have feelings for you. MMB: You can't have both. David: But I do have both. I know... I know it doesn't make sense, but it's like I have these two conflicting lives. Memories of feelings for her and real feelings for you. MMB: Who's to say which is real? David: I can't get you out of my head. MMB: I know, me too. But we're going to have to. We're just going to have to forget each other. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White and King George are in one of the castle's rooms alone.) King George: So, you're the one. Snow White: I don't know what- King George: Enough. I know everything. You poisoned his heart, now his marriage. And with that, the entire kingdom. All because of your feelings. Snow White: I wish feelings could be helped, but they can't. King George: Of course they can. Love is a disease. And like all diseases, it can be vanquished in one of two ways - a cure or death. Do you know where your beloved is right now? He's right down that hallway. Packing for his new life. Snow White: He'll never know I'm here. King George: Oh, yes he will. Because you are going to walk down that hallway, Snow White. You're going to sneak in and tell him you've received his letter. You're going to tell him why you're here - because you don't love him. It will break his heart and that will cure him. Snow White: Or you'll kill me. King George: Oh, no. I'll kill him. Killing you would just make him love you more and the marriage - and the kingdom - would ultimately crumble. But if he were to die at an assassin's hand, he would die a martyr. Midas would forgive, even laud, the death and the merger would be complete. Snow White: You would do that to your own son? King George: He is not my son. [SCENE_BREAK] (Snow White opens the door to Prince Charming's chamber. She sees him packing. She shuts the door to get his attention.) Snow White: James. Prince Charming: Snow. Snow White: I got your letter. Prince Charming: You came. You came! (He rushes toward Snow White and picks her up in a hug.) Prince Charming: You came. You came. (He leans in for a kiss, but she backs away.) Snow White: Wait, James. Us? It can't happen. Prince Charming: Wh-What's wrong? Of course it can. You're here. We can go. We can be together. We can leave all this. I know there are costs, but I've planned for everything. They can't hurt us. And now that I know that you love me too- Snow White: I don't. Prince Charming: What? Snow White: Love you. I don't. I'm sorry. You said I would always be in your heart and... That is too cruel a fate. Go live your life. Live it without me - because there is no place for us together - and fill your heart with love for someone else. Someone who can love you the way I never have - the way I never will. (She gives him back his letter and walks away trying to hold back tears.) -[Real World]- (David is getting dressed in his bedroom. Kathryn walks in and sits on the bed.) David: Anything you want to tell me? Kathryn: What do you mean? David: Something's up, isn't it? What? Kathryn: I feel like ever since you've come home, you're here, but you're not 'here'. I know you say you're trying and I know you've been through a lot, but- David: No, no. Kathryn, look- Kathryn: No, David. Please - just let me finish. I know it's been hard on you, but it's also been hard on me. I want a family with you someday. I want children. I'll be honest - I thought I was pregnant. And when the test came back negative, at first I was upset. But then, I was relieved. We're not ready. If I was pregnant now, it would be a disaster. David: Yeah. Kathryn: But I want to fix this. I want to fix us. David: Me too. Kathryn: Do you? Well then, let's go see Dr. Hopper. Let's get some help. Will you do that? Will you give us our best shot? David: Yeah. Look, you and I... I know we're sup- I know we should be in love. And I want to make that work. Kathryn: It's seven ten. We should get going if you want your coffee before work. David: No. Why don't we go downstairs and have some breakfast instead? Hm? Kathryn: Okay. David: Alright. (He kisses her on the cheek.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White is walking through the forest outside of King George's castle. She runs into Grumpy, along with several other dwarves.) Grumpy: You okay, sister? Snow White: Not even close. Grumpy: You didn't find him? Snow White: Worse - I lost him. Grumpy: Come on. Snow White: Where are you taking me? Grumpy: Home. We all lost someone today. Doc: Now, we're seven. Grumpy: I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. So you're coming home with us, Snow, and we're going to protect you. Snow White: The only thing that needed protecting is destroyed - my heart. Grumpy: It will get better. Snow White: Yes. (Snow White pulls out the potion vial that Rumpelstiltskin gave her.) Snow White: Yes, it will. This will take all of my feelings - all of my pain - and destroy them. Grumpy: No. Snow White: But why? You, of all people, should understand. You've lost love. What if your pain could be erased? Grumpy: I don't want my pain erased. As wretched as it is, I need my pain. It makes me who I am. It makes me Grumpy. Look around, Snow. You're not alone anymore. I promise you that's all the cure you need. If the pain's too much, you can always drink it. But for today, put it away. Snow White: Okay. -[Real World]- (Emma and Mary Margaret are sitting at the kitchen table at Mary Margaret's apartment. Emma is eating breakfast and Mary Margaret is staring at the clock. The clock reads seven fifteen. Emma reaches over and squeezes Mary Margaret's hand.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (Prince Charming is riding through the woods on horseback until he reaches a clearing with a cabin.) Prince Charming: Come on, come on. Snow! Snow White! Snow! Are you there? (Red Riding Hood emerges from the field next to the clearing.) Red: She's gone. She never came back after she went to find you. Prince Charming: Then I'll find her. I will always find her. [SCENE_BREAK] (Grumpy runs into the dwarves' home.) Grumpy: Where's Snow? Where is she? (Doc points to the next room.) Grumpy: Snow! Snow! The royal wedding! The kingdom's abuzz. It's off, Snow. He left her. James left Abigail. Did you hear me? Your Prince Charming isn't getting married. Snow White: Who? (The empty potion vial is on a table next to her.) -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret is at Granny's Diner, where Ruby serves her a coffee at the counter.) MMB: Thanks, Ruby. (David enters the diner. He's stunned for a moment, due to seeing Mary Margaret there, and then quickly exits. Mary Margaret follows him outside.) MMB: What are you doing here? David: It's seven forty-five. MMB: I know! David: Well, I'm trying not to see you. MMB: Well, I am trying not to see you. David: Well, how do we stop seeing each other? MMB: Apparently, we can't. David: This is a problem. MMB: Yes. David: She's not pregnant. (They kiss. Regina, who is parked across the street, sees them.) -[End]-

Mary Margaret grapples with her feelings for David and Emma grows increasingly suspicious of the Stranger while the events surrounding Prince Charming's wedding are revealed along with Snow White's struggle to ease her breaking heart and an offer that sets her on a path from which there is no coming back.

fd_The_Office_07x17

fd_The_Office_07x17_0

Delivery Guy: I got a delivery for ya'. Michael: Leave it at reception. Delivery: I'm supposed to deliver this one in person. [pulls out a gun and starts shooting at Michael, who dodges dramatically] Michael: [pulls out two handguns and kills the man with an unnecessarily large amount of bullets] Clean up on aisle five. [Threat Level[/b]: Midnight titlescreen appears] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level[/b]: Midnight. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Erin... what are you doing? Erin: Guys! Guys. Did you guys know that our own Michael Scott has made a movie, and that he maybe will let us watch it, but only if everybody's dying to see it. Michael: That's... That's. Well, don't put words in my mouth. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Threat Level[/b]: Midnight is the great lost film of Michael Scott. Pam: We're all in it, from like years and years ago. It's like a home movie. Jim: Yeah, if Michael Scott did your home movie! Pam: Michael screened a work in progress for us, years ago, and it didn't go well. We thought it was a comedy. [flashback clip of Michael angrily leaving the conference room while the whole office is laughing at the tv] Everything pointed to it being a comedy. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: We'd love to see it! Michael: Sweet, I will go invite Holly. Pam: Okay everyone, I know we're really excited to see this movie that everybody's in, but we have to remember that Michael is sensitive, so let's stay positive! And no laughing, no comments, just positive energy and we'll have a pure fun day! Okay? Creed: Thanks mom. [SCENE_BREAK] Holly: You never told me you made a movie. Michael: Mhmm! It's got action, it's got heart, it's got some bosom. Holly: It's got you. Michael: It's got a lot of me. Holly: [laughs] I can't wait. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ladies and gentleman, Threat Level[/b]: Midnight. [applause] [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: [Stanley's voice as the screen shows Scarn Manor] Michael Scarn, well that's an interesting story. [headlines of Michael Scarn's success are shown as well as an article reporting the death of Michael's wife, Catherine Zeta Scarn] He was once the best secret agent in the business. That was years ago. Where is he now? Well, that's also an interesting story. Samuel: [Dwight Schrute dressed as a butler. Speaks in slow, deep voice] Master Scarn. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I play Samuel, Michael Scarn's robot butler. I wanted Samuel's voice- [robot impression] to be like this! [normally] But Michael thought that Samuel should be a very advance android, almost indistinguishable from a real person. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight does not play a robot. [SCENE_BREAK] Samuel: [crashes cymbals by Michael's ear] Michael: [lying on bed with a bottle of alcohol] I'm up. Samuel: It's the president. He needs you for a mission. Michael: Tell him I'm retired. Dwight: It's Goldenface. Michael: Goldenface, this makes it personal. [SCENE_BREAK] President: [Darryl, sitting at a desk in the Oval Office] Scarn, you're right on time. [cheering from the office] [SCENE_BREAK] Daryl: I gave up a lot of weekends because I thought it'd be good for my daughter to see a black man as president. Even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time. [SCENE_BREAK] President: It's your old enemy, Goldenface. He's after the NHL All Star Game. He's hidden a bomb somewhere in the stadium. Scarn, this one is personal for me. I own the stadium. I can't see it blown up. It's my retirement plan. Samuel: We have to search the stadium. President: Not so fast, Goldenface has taken all the concession stand workers hostage. Scarn, will you find these hostages, and save the game? Michael: [holding a quarter up] Heads I do it, tails I don't. Best out of seven. [flips the coin] Heads. [flips it again] Tails. [President winces each time he says tails]...Heads...Tails...Heads...Tails. [flips one more time and the quarter spins around on the table. Michael looks at it] Well, it looks like there's going to be a clean-up on aisle five. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: Well, the hostages were scared. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [as a hostage] Don't you guys get it? Nobody's coming for us. Goldenface: [Jim, with his face painted with metallic gold paint] Oh someone's coming alright, the only man who would care. [Goldenface turns in his chair, holding a golden gun] Michael Scarn. See I'm gonna lure him here, then I kill everybody, then... I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife, and I'm gonna hump her real good. [malicious, deep laughter] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: [scene shows Michael Scarn driving through the rain] Well, the All Star Game was three days away, so naturally it was all sold out. The only way Scarn was getting in was in a uniform. Just one problem with that, Scarn didn't know a hockey stick from a Slim Jim. So he went to meet with the famed trainer... [Michael stops the car and gets out] Cherokee Jack. [SCENE_BREAK] Cherokee Jack: [Creed wearing a tunic and carrying a mop, standing with Michael in front of an ice rink] Mop the ice. Michael: I'm not here to learn how to mop, I'm here to learn how to play hockey. Cherokee Jack: Mop it. [A montage of Michael mopping the ice awkwardly and using an ab-cruncher, and slowly getting better. After a little while, Cherokee Jack Slams a hockey stick on the ice to stop Michael, then offers it to him] Now take this. Michael: What am I supposed to do with this? Cherokee Jack: Mop. [a montage shows Michael sliding around the ice skillfully and hitting the puck into the goal] [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: Well, Michael Scarn was quickly becoming one of the hottest hockey players in the country. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [Ryan is acting as an official for the competition taking place. A line is formed in front of a line on the ice. Standing behind it are Michael Scarn, Oscar in a blue full-body suit, and a mysterious man in a hockey mask] Each year, the National Hockey League selects one civilian amateur to play in the All Star Game. It's down to the three of you. The final test is speed skating. [holds a gun to the ceiling] On your marks, get set... Goldenface: Die! [The masked man pulls off the mask to reveal that it is Goldenface] Michael: [Michael and Goldenface skate around the rink, Goldenface shooting with a solid gold gun, Michael with two pistols. Michael is out of breath at the end of the race] Nice try Goldenface, but you forgot one thing, to kill me. Goldenface: I wasn't trying to kill you, I was trying to slow you down. [Ryan is seen placing a medal around Oscar's neck] Michael: No! Goldenface: Oh by the way! Michael: Yeah? Goldenface: How's your wife doing? Michael: [begins to cry as Goldenface laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Congratulations. Oscar: Hey, you came in second. Not bad either. Michael: I am sorry that I have to do this... [starts choking Oscar to death with his towel] Oscar: Huh...[muffled screaming as he slowly chokes, and eventually dies] Michael: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Samuel: I'm intercepting a name. Jasmine Winsong. She works for Goldenface. What I can't figure out is, who is the Funky Cat. Michael: Not who, what. The Funky Cat is the hippest Jazz Club in town. [stands up with his cup of tea and walks by Samuel, pouring his tea all over him] Samuel: Oh-[starts to freak out, but the scene is crudely cut short] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned! What was the point of spilling the drink on me? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [acting as a jazz singer at the Funky Cat, singing] They call me Jasmine Winsong. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [walking into the Funky Cat] Bingo. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: He finished his movie? [frantically trying to open her car door, as if trying to get away from the camera crew] No kidding. Wow, that's great. Yeah that's good for him. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [singing gibberish while laying on the piano on stage] Michael: [pulls out a recording device from his pocket and clicks it on] Jan: [michael pushes the backwards button on the recorder] The hostages are under the stadium. [An assassin with a golden tie shoots her with a tranquilizer and she falls] Michael: Jack Blaise. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: You have to let us go Goldenface! We have families! Goldenface: Ha! This is gonna show them [cocks his golden gun] that I mean business. See ya! [points gun to Toby the hostage's head, shoots and Toby's fake head explodes, the shot is shown repeatedly] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: By far and away, the most expensive shot in the movie. But, it was integral to the story. [SCENE_BREAK] Samuel: Ha! [kicking open the gate in the stadium where the hostages and Goldenface are] Kevin: Michael Scarn! Goldenface: Sorry about your friend, Scarn! Michael: The joke's on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist. Goldenface: [gives Michael a disgusted look] Samuel: We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb? Goldenface: Hm? Samuel: We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb? Goldenface: Hm? Samuel: We've searched the wh- ok... Michael: He said, where is the bomb? Goldenface: In the puck! [tosses the puck to Michael] Michael: Why are you telling me this? Goldenface: Because I'm going to kill you. [takes out golden gun] Unless! You forgive me for murdering your wife. [distraught, memories of him and his wife are shown on the puck in a dreamy haze] Michael: Hey Goldenface. Goldenface: Yeah? Michael: Go puck yourself! Goldenface: [dodges the puck and shoots at Michael] Samuel: Noooo! [jumps in front of Michael to receive the bullet] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: That was not scripted. [SCENE_BREAK] Goldenface: [re-cocks gun and shoots at Michael, who looks shocked and scared] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: More Tylenol. Helene: [as a busty nurse] You've already had four. Pam: Looking at her mother on screen, horrified] Oh God... [looks at Michael] So good. Helene: You're lucky to be alive. Michael: It'll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back, and balls to kill Michael Scarn. Helene: Let's just make sure that everything's... Working properly... [leans in closer to Michael and the heart rate monitor, which was beating steadily, now beats very quickly] [SCENE_BREAK] President: You just said the bomb... is in the puck? Michael and Samuel together: Yes. President: Is that where you hid the bomb Goldenface? Goldenface: [walks into the Oval Office with an accomplice, Troy] Samuel: But why would you blow up the stadium? You OWN the stadium! Michael: For the insurance money! I knew it all along! [the President, Goldenface, and his minion pull out automatic machine guns] You will never get away with this! [takes a painting of Abraham Lincoln and awkwardly smashes it on the President's head, runs out of the office as Goldenface and his minion shoot at them] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Where had I gone wrong? All I wanted was to start a family with my beautiful wife. But somewhere along the way, things got messed up. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: It wasn't easy for Scarn to admit that he had lost his self-confidence. And he hadn't of course, He just wasn't using it right now. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in a bar] Beer me Billy. Billy: [Andy as a bar tender with a Brooklyn accent] You don't looks so good, what's got ya down? Michael: I got problems Billy. Big problems... Billy: You got problems?! My TV don't work! I pay thirty bucks a month for the damn satellite what's-a-whosit, I can't even get the damn game! Now you tell me, what's worse than that? Michael: [laughs to himself] Don't ever change Billy. Goldenface is going to blow up the NHL All Star Game tomorrow. Billy: I see what you mean about problems. I know what'll cheer you up. That table of bachelorettes over there bought you this drink. [a table with Meredith, Phyllis, Karen, and Angela all say hey to Michael] Karen: Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby? [winks] [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Why are you singling my line out, like, a million years later? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm too depressed to save the big game Billy. Billy: I'm gonna cheer you up, the only ways I know hows. [to a small boy in overalls] Hey kid! Hit G-9 on the Jukebox! Michael: No Billy, I haven't done that dance since my wife died. Billy: There is a whole crowd of people out there, who need to learn, how to do The Scarn. Michael: [A funky beat sounds from the Jukebox and Michael starts dancing poorly] Well my name's Michael Scarn and I'm here to say, I'm about to do The Scarn in a major way. [the bachelorettes and the others in the bar stand up to join him] You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! [doing the actions he says to] You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! Todd Packer: [as a drunken man in the bar] If doing The Scarn is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on Earth! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [cracking up at the stupidity of it, the rest of the office besides Michael and Holly are concealing their laughter. Pam Is trying to quiet Jim up] Sorry. Michael: [turns off the movie from the remote, the office complains] Jim: I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry. I think I was just relieved, to see that Michael Scarn got his confidence back. Kelly: Yeah Michael the movie is amazing! Kevin: It's like one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life. Ryan: You should enter it in festivals! Kevin: Or carnivals! Michael: [to Holly] Well that's a... pretty good reaction. [Holly nods] Pretty cool, right? Did you like it? Did you like that? Holly: Uh... which part? Michael: Okay. [Stands up and leaves the conference room to the dismay of the office] No, it's not good enough. It's not good enough... Andy: Some people are really popping on screen! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey. Holly: Hey! Good movie. Michael: Mmmm, good? Everybody out there says it's great! Holly: I loved it. Michael: Did you? What did you love about it? Holly: Uhm, I loved that you got to work together with all your friends. Isn't that great when you can all work together like that? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: No, no. Holly, this isn't Ocean's Eleven, where you get together with all your friends and just have fun and don't care about how it turns out. What'd you really think, honestly. Holly: Uhm... Michael: Is it, is it because you're afraid of where this is gonna take me? See, because I need you... to keep me grounded. Holly: Not worried about that. Michael: [angrily] It was eleven years, okay? This has been my dream for eleven years, and if you don't think it's great than you're basically saying that you don't believe in my dream. Holly: Wha- It's your dream and you never even mentioned it before! Michael: I talk about a lot of things, Holly! I was eventually gonna get around to my dream! Obviously! Eleven years I could've been working on the Scarn Nebulus. Holly: Well why do you have to make a movie at all? Michael: Because, if I don't have this, what do I have? I have nothing. Holly: Really, you can't think of anything else that you might have? Michael: I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO comedy special, Here I Go Again dot-dot-dot. But you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, none of those things are as real to me as my movie. Holly: I'm real. Michael: Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass. And I'm gonna go watch the movie with people who think it's great! And I'm sorry I called you a pain in the ass, I'm angry, and I love you. Holly: I love you too. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I've only seen Antz, but I'll tell you something. What I respect about that man, is that when he was going through all that stuff that came out in the press, about how Antz was just a rip-off of A Bug's Life, he stayed true to his films. Or at least the film that I saw which again was Antz. The thing is... I thought Bug's Life was better, much better. Than Ants. The point is, don't listen to your critics, listen to your fans. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Who likes Threat Level[/b]: Midnight? [applause from the office] Okay then who wants to watch the rest?! [everyone yells approval] [SCENE_BREAK] Samuel: Michael! You have to get to that puck before halftime! Or the whole stadium will explode! Michael: I know, it's a good thing my trainer and mentor is here to cheer me on! Samuel: Cherokee Jack? Michael he died. Michael: [crying] This one's for you Cherokee Jack. [Michael skates into the rink of an already in-play match] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We filmed this during an actual Scranton High School Hockey Game, trying to qualify for states. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [he office shushes Michael to hear the movie better] That's fine, it's great! Michael: No, no! Actually it's really screwed up because they [chuckles], they were trying to qualify, they were disqualified, they had to forfeit the game. Undefeated season. That's why there were so many people there. [Michael stands up, clearly realizing that his movie is not as great as he thought] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Why is your face gold? Goldenface: Why do you care? Pam: I'm just making conversation. Goldenface: I worked in a gold factory, we had a boss, who only cared about money... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey... Holly: Hey, I'm sorry. It is good. Michael: No it's not. [kisses Holly while smiling] It's not. But, they really seem to be enjoying it. [SCENE_BREAK] Hostage: Please Goldenface, let us go! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [ees Cherokee Jack from a confusion of heavenly light and smoke] Cherokee Jack. Cherokee Jack: I want you to take all of your frustrations, with women, the system, with everything. Take it out on the puck. All on the puck. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [laughs at the stupidity] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [skates forward, hits the puck, and stares in wonder as it flies by] [SCENE_BREAK] Samuel: Yah! [kicks open the gate to save the hostages, hostages rejoice as Samuel unties them] [the puck is seen flying into space and it hits a satellite, Billy is at his bar and his TV suddenly turns back on] [SCENE_BREAK] Billy: Hey! We got sports games again! [people at the bar cheer] [SCENE_BREAK] Goldenface: [seen at his house counting his money] Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! [The puck lands on his lap] Oh-[A large explosion blocks out his words] [The office cheers at the ending of the movie, Michael Scarn holds up a trophy] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in Scarn manor] Some breakfast for me [shows a plate of bacon and eggs] and some breakfast for you. [pulls out an oil can and oils Samuel's circuit board on his back] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [phone rings] I'll get it! Man I love being retired! Scarn here! President: [on phone] Michael, it's the president. Michael: Hello sir. President: I need you for another mission. Michael: Ugh... [after a little thought] I'm in. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [the office cheers] Whoa Whoa Whoa! Isn't the president evil? Michael: Oh yeah! [laughs] Yes he is! Dwight: No no, he's doing it to catch the president! Michael: No, no Dwight. He's just being stupid. [the office laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: [in Stanley's voice, a chair is shown with a gray haired head sticking above it] Well, Michael Scarn was back in the game. And I bet you're wondering why do I know so much about Michael Scarn. [the chair revolves to show Michael Scarn, gray haired, talking with Stanley's voice] Well because I AM Michael Scarn. [applause] [SCENE_BREAK] Rapper: [Andy rapping to a montage of scenes from the movie] Ahhhh, yeah! Threat Level Midnight! Makes all the girlies feel alright! From Madonna to Madelyn Allbrite, Threat Level Midnight! It's a threat, a level, a level level threat. He's the greatest hockey-star I ever seen yet. Threat Level what? Midnight! Threat Level who? Michael Scarn! Threat Level why? Apartheid! Gotta fight it, Free Mandela! Peace I'm out!

Michael screens his action film Threat Level Midnight to the office after eleven years of writing, shooting, re-shooting, and editing. The film features Michael as Agent Michael Scarn, Dwight as Scarn's butler and sidekick, and Jim as archnemesis "Goldenface," as well as several people from Michael's past including Jan ( Melora Hardin ), Karen ( Rashida Jones ), Roy ( David Denman ), Helene ( Linda Purl ), Todd Packer ( David Koechner ), Tony Gardner (Mike Bruner), and Troy Underbridge ( Noel Petok ). Complications arise when Michael doesn't get an expected response about the film from Holly.

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ACT ONE Scene One Wine Club Niles, wearing his Corkmaster's ribbon, is at the podium as the members finish applauding Reynolds, another member, holding a trumpet. Niles: Thank you, thank you, Brother Reynolds, for your inaugural ode, and may I congratulate you on your ingenuity in rhyming "Sauvignon" with "tie one on." Reynolds: [with a sycophantic salute] Sir. Niles: And now, as outgoing Corkmaster it is my privilege [takes ribbon off] to bestow the sash of office upon the newly- elected Corkmaster... which would be me! [puts ribbon back on, to applause] Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support. It humbles me, and I only hope to live up to the shining example of my predecessor. [laughter] And of course the example of my opponent, the other brother Crane, who so graciously conceded after that fourth recount. Is he - is he here? I guess he's not. Well, I'm sure he's with us in spirit. Uh, if you'll indulge me, I've cobbled together a few remarks to express what this moment means to me- Frasier clambers down the stairs, acting embarrassed but obviously making as much noise as he can. Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm terribly sorry I'm late! Oh, it's just coming down in buckets out there! Niles: Hello, Frasier. [resumes] Just as the cork protects the wine, as Corkmaster I hope to protect the wine club from the forces of metaphorical oxidation- Frasier: Oh lord, Niles, are you in the middle of your inauguration speech? I'm so sorry. Niles: That's all right, that's all right. Frasier: It's just that I have an announcement of my own to make. Niles: Yes well, uh, new business is concluded, Brother Crane. Frasier: I move that we re-open new business. Reynolds: Second. Niles: Denied. [bangs gavel] Frasier: Point of order: once a motion has been seconded, there must be a vote. Niles: Oh, all right, just tell us your new business. Frasier: To override procedure, there must be a quorum. Niles: Very well. Move for a vote? Reynolds: Second. Niles: All in favor? Members: Aye! Niles: Motion carried. [bangs gavel] Secretary, make a note. Reynolds: Noted, Corkmaster. Niles: Thank you so much. [to Frasier] Proceed. Endicott: [a member, to himself] I remember when we used to come here to drink. Frasier stands next to the podium. Frasier: Corkmaster, members of the wine cabinet, esteemed brothers and sisters, I come here tonight with a heavy heart. You see, I am resigning from the wine club. There are gasps and moans of dismay. Niles: Frasier, this wouldn't have anything to do with my winning the election, would it? Frasier: No, no, of course not, Niles, I couldn't be happier for you. You see, I've been afforded a marvelous opportunity to pass on what I've learned here to a much larger audience. Starting next week I will be hosting a new feature on KACL, called "the Wine Corner," just at the end of Gil Chesterton's "Restaurant Beat." [applause] Thank you, thank you. Reynolds: Can't you do both? Frasier: Oh well, no, regrettably no. You see, like this Camembert, I am at my most delicious when I'm not spread too thin. But this isn't goodbye by any stretch of the imagination. Please, I invite each and every one of you to call into my show, so that you can help me get Seattle hooked on our sometimes whimsical, always enlightened brand of discussion. But, I've taken enough time away from Niles. After all, this is his night. He has been elected Corkmaster of this fine club. Niles: Thank you, Frasier. For a moment I thought you were settling in for a long farewell speech. Reynolds: Second. Frasier: All in favor? Members: Aye! Frasier: Well, if you insist! [takes podium] It was a short seven years ago, on a night very much like this one, a man had a dream... Niles, swept to the side, morosely caresses his Corkmaster medal. [SCENE_BREAK] OENOLOGY FOR DUMMIES Scene Two KACL Frasier heads down the hall with Roz. Frasier: All right, Roz, now this is a very different kind of show we're going to be doing, so are you clear on the procedure? Roz: What's so hard? You talk for a while, I screen calls, you answer them, I look interested oh, I see the hard part. Frasier: Oh, ha-ha, very funny. All right, now listen, this is a list of the members of the wine club. [hands it to her] If any of these names should happen to call, put them through immediately, and then fasten your seat belt for an all-out, free-wheeling symposium! Kenny comes into the hall. Kenny: Hey, there's my Renaissance man! Frasier: Ah, Kenny! Kenny: If he can't solve their problems with therapy, solve 'em with drinking! Frasier: Yes well, let's just keep that out of the ads, shall we? Kenny: Heh-heh, too late! Frasier: Kenny! In the booth, Gil is doing his show with his new producer, an effeminate slip of a lad called Lance. Gil: And finally, no review of Le Petite Oiseau would be complete without a word about their d cor: hideous! I'll be back after these messages. Lance: [singsong] And we're out! Kenny brings Roz and Frasier into the producer's booth. Kenny: Hi, Lance. This is Frasier, and this is Roz. She'll be producing the rest of the show. Roz: Hi. [extends her hand] Lance: Oh, my! [ignores it] Isn't that interesting? Roz: Yes well, Frasier wants me to produce his segment of the show. We have to get the levels just right to accommodate the timbre of his voice. Lance: Oh, my, my, my, isn't she the fusspot! Frasier: Actually, it was my idea. Lance: That's who I was talking about! Frasier goes into the broadcast booth. Frasier: Listen, Gil, I-I hope you don't mind my doing this segment. Gil: Oh, perish the thought! I'm ecstatic - as ecstatic as you would be if someone hijacked the last fifteen minutes of your show. Roz comes in. Roz: Hey Gil, what is the deal with Lance? Gil: Oh, smitten already, are we, Roz? Well, he's certainly catnip to the ladies. Roz: No, that would- [confused] Really? Gil: Well, that's what he claims. Of course, I've never actually seen him with a woman. Well, just between us I've always thought he went the other way. Roz: [more confused] Which way would that be? Lance: And we're back! Gil: [into mike] Normally at this time I'd be doing my segment on food for the calorie-conscious, "All Things Light and Edible." But apparently health is going to take a backseat to the random musings of a radio psychiatrist on wine. So without further ado, I give you "The Wine Corner," with your host, Dr. Frasier Crane. Gil slaps his headphones down on the console and leaves the booth with Lance. Frasier and Roz assume their positions. Frasier: Thank you, Gil, for that gracious introduction. And hello, Seattle! Welcome to "The Wine Corner." I hope you're as excited about this new program as I am. I offer myself as sherpa a guide, if you will, to lead you through the labyrinth of vintages and wine lists, chateaus and bodegas, and take you hopefully to a whole new level of sophistication... [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three Fifteen minutes later. Frasier is wrapping up his segment. The wind has all but gone out of his sails. Frasier: In summary, Linda, the year listed on the bottle is not an expiration date. So that wine from 1997 should be perfectly safe to drink. [disconnects] Who else, Roz? Roz: We have ten seconds, Frasier. Frasier: In that case, this is Frasier Crane, reminding you that a great wine is like a great woman: always intoxicating, ever-surprising, and only getting better with age. He goes off the air. Roz comes in. Roz: Aww, do you really believe that? Frasier: Oh, who cares, Roz? I stopped listening to myself ten minutes ago. You're sure no one from the wine club called? Roz: I'm positive. Don't feel bad, you got a lot of other callers. Frasier: It's just that I was hoping to provoke the same kind of spirited debates we have at the wine club! No holds barred free-for-alls! Sometimes go into the wee hours of the night and even spill out into the streets. [mournful] Oh, Roz, we loved wine then. Gil and Lance come in. Gil: Huzzah, Frasier! I'm sure everyone who was listening is hitting the bottle as we speak. Well, Lance and I are going for a boys' night out. Lance: [with a twirly hand motion] Lock up your daughters! They leave. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four Apartment Martin is in his Chair, reading the paper. Frasier is at the dinner table with a laptop and a bottle of white wine. He carefully takes a mouthful, swishes it around, then swallows and sucks in his breath sharply. Then he types. Frasier: Dad, tell me if you think this is too subtle for my listening audience. [Martin puts his paper down] "This delightful offering is infused with the brooding, almost dangerous, presence of vanilla." Martin: No, it's not too subtle. Unless you want them to know what the hell you're talking about. Frasier: Well, you don't think it's clear that I enjoyed the wine? Martin: I don't it's clear you're talking about wine. Doorbell. Frasier: Oh lord, that'll be the new therapist. Martin: Oh, lucky me. Frasier: Oh now, behave yourself, Dad. It's only until Daphne comes back. And besides, you have no idea how difficult it is to find a therapist who can also cook. Her name is Frederika. Martin: Oh, sounds German. You know what that means she was probably kicked off the shotput team for using steroids. Frasier: Now Dad, the Germans never threw anybody off the team for that. Frasier opens the door to Frederika a strapping German woman with blonde hair and a singsong accent. Frasier: Ah, hello. Frederika: Hi, I'm Frederika. Frasier: Won't you come in? [she does] Here, let me take your bag. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, and this is my father, Martin. Here, let me take your coat. [he does] Frederika: Pleasure to meet you. Frasier: Listen, my father's been, well, letting his exercises slide a bit. Frederika: Oh well, that's human nature, Dr. Crane. People neglect their exercising for many reasons holidays, travel, illness, lack of time, death... and there's only one of those excuses that I accept: it's holidays! [laughs] Oh, it's just your leg I'm pulling! Martin: [laughs] Oh, well, good one. You know, I was worried that you were going to be one of those drill-sergeant types. Frederika: You'll show me your exercise mat. Martin: That's my other leg you're pulling, huh? Frederika: Now! Martin obeys, leading her to his room. She follows with a strange, undulating walk. Frasier returns to the table. Frasier: Ah, yes... [sips, swishes, and sucks again; typing] "But discernible only to the educated palate is the hint of violets that lingers like a haunting refrain..." From Martin's room comes a howl of agony, as if from a heretic on the Rack. Frasier runs toward the hall when Frederika comes out. Frederika: Shame on you, Dr. Crane! You really should have kept him at his exercises. Frasier: Is he all right? Frederika: No, indeed! He is shamefully out of shape! Frasier: But I meant- Frederika: But don't worry. I got here just in time. I'll shape him up, or know the reason why! She goes back into the hall. Frasier, worried, is about to follow her, but then the phone rings. Frasier: Hello? Oh yes, thank you for returning my call, Brother Peabody. Yes well, I'm just wondering, how come none of the members have been calling my wine show? [shocked] No! Well, just because Niles is Corkmaster, it doesn't mean he has the right to dictate whom you may and may not call! Good lord, the man is my own brother! How can someone turn his back on his own flesh and blood- [Martin screams even louder] Someone on the phone here! [SCENE_BREAK] WHINE CLUB Scene Five Wine Club Niles is holding court. Members: Aye! Niles: It is so resolved, [bangs gavel] any other business? Frasier storms down the stairs. Niles: Ah, former Brother Crane, what are you doing here? Frasier: You know very well. How dare you instruct the members not to call in to my radio show? Niles: [indignant] I simply directed their attention to Law 10-C, which states that the club "shall not, through contract or deed, endorse-" Frasier: [with him] "Any commercial endeavor," yes, yes, Niles, you can hide behind some flimsy bylaw if you wish to for as long as you like, but we both know the subtext behind this pretext: vindictiveness! Niles: Oh! Frasier: In light of this abuse of power, I move that the Corkmaster be stripped of his title! [gasps from the members] And that some more well-deserving member be named in his stead! Niles: Oh, the motion fails for lack of a second. Reynolds: Second. Niles: Stop that! Motion denied. [bangs gavel] Frasier: Point of order: a motion cannot be denied that has been seconded! Niles: Yes well, the chair doesn't recognize motions from former members, ergo there can be no second to a motion that doesn't exist! Endicott: I move whatever it takes to get us to the bar! Reynolds: Second that. Niles: All right, the chair declares a state of emergency and a five-second recess. [bangs gavel] Frasier, I want you out of here. It's bad enough you upstaged me the other night. Frasier: I did no such thing. Niles: Oh, no, you could have picked any time to announce your resignation, but you chose my inauguration to do it! Frasier: For God's sakes, Niles, will you listen to yourself! This is just a wine club! Niles: "Just a wine club?" That's not the platform you campaigned on two years in a row! Look, you can say anything you want now, you know how important this place is to me. Frasier: Yes, and you know how important my radio show is to me. Niles: Oh well, I guess then we're even. Beat. Frasier: So you admit it. You have dishonored this club with your selfishness! Niles: Yes well, at least I'm still in the club! You are a trespasser! Sergeant-at-Arms! Virgil Hepplewhite, the club s elderly founder, rises slowly to his feet and hobbles over to Frasier. Hepplewhite: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Frasier: [sarcastic] All right, call off your henchmen. Niles: Thank you, stand down, Brother Hepplewhite. Hepplewhite sits down. Frasier: I'm just trying to save you from yourself, Niles. Niles: I see, well, goodbye, former Brother. Frasier: You took the words right out of my mouth! Frasier leaves. END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO Scene Six Apartment Martin is tucking into a plate of German roast, with a glass stein of beer next to his plate. Frasier shuffles in, seemingly at a loss. Frasier: Hi, Dad. Martin: Hey. Frasier: Anything good on TV tonight? Martin: I don't know, why? Frasier: Oh, got the night free. Thought we might hang out together. Martin: Oh... that's nice. Frasier: Yeah, I usually have wine club on Wednesday nights. Martin: Oh. Frasier: What do you usually do Wednesday nights? Martin: Oh, just sit back, enjoy the silence. Frasier: Sounds good. He sinks dolefully onto the couch. Frasier: [checks his watch] Seven-thirty... wonder what they're doing at the wine club right now. Martin: Oh, jeez. Are you gonna do this all night? Frasier: No, no, Dad, you're right, I-I'm sorry. It's just that I hate to see a once-proud institution making so many foolish mistakes. Martin: Well, if it makes you feel any better, the club'll probably fail without you. It'll be no fun. All the members'll resign. This time next month, they'll probably have torn the building down. Frasier: I never know when you're being facetious. Martin: Yeah, you do. Frasier: All right, all right, let's talk about something else. How's your physical therapy? Martin: Oh, it was the most painful afternoon of my life. She did things to me. Bad things. Frasier: Well Dad, I suppose we could look for another therapist- Martin: Whup, hold on a second! Here, [takes a forkful of food from his plate] try this. Frasier does it is delicious. Martin laughs. Frasier: My God, that sauerbrauten is ambrosial! Martin: Oh, and wait 'til you wash it down with her papa's homemade lager! [takes a drink of beer] Frederika comes out of the kitchen. Frederika: How is everything? Frasier: Oh gosh, Frederika, I've never tasted anything so divine! Frederika: Oh, ja, you see, Dr. Crane, I don't believe that fitness depends on starving yourself. The secret is exercise, hard work, then good food and lots of it when you've earned it. Frasier: Oh well, this is fabulous food- He reaches for another bite, but Frederika slaps his hand away. Frederika: You haven't earned it! Frasier is scared. Then she laughs, and pinches his cheek. Frederika: That's just my way of having fun! Of course you're welcome, I'll get another plate. Frasier: Thank you. She goes back to the kitchen. Frasier is still rubbing his cheek, trying to get some feeling back in it. Martin: We ought to get Niles over here, you know? He'd love this stuff! Frasier: Niles Dad, I told you Niles is no longer welcome in this house. [Frederika brings him a plate] Thank you, Frederika. Martin: Oh son, why don't you just ask your brother to take you back? Frasier: I did. I called him and I apologized. He would hear none of it. All he did was keep quoting rules and bylaws. Martin: It's just like when you were kids with that fort! You were always making up these big fancy rules and titles for yourself that always ended up in a fight! I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now. Frasier: All right, Dad, then we just won't talk about it. Besides, I'm through with wine club. Martin: Good! Why don't we just enjoy our Wednesday? Frasier: Second! [to himself] All in favor... aye... motion carried. [off Martin's look] I'm done now. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven Wine Club Niles and other members are standing around, tasting wine. Niles: Mmm, mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. I'm getting oak with plummy overtones. Endicott: I'm getting screwed on alimony. Martin comes down the stairs. Martin: Niles, I want to talk to you. Niles: Dad! What happened, is there something wrong? Martin: You're damn right there is, it's about you and Frasier! [notices] Good God, you wear a sash?! Niles: Frasier sent you down here, didn't he? Frasier: [o.s. from above] No! Martin: Frasier, get in here now! Frasier shuffles in beside Niles. The following scene is weirdly similar to a father dressing down two toddlers a spectacle that both Frasier and Niles are desperate to avoid. Frasier: Dad, this isn't necessary. Niles: Yeah, we-we can talk about this some other time. Martin: Zip it up, both of you! I just gave up the best meal of my life to come down here, so listen up. Niles, let your brother play. Niles: Dad, this is not a game, this is a club, and Frasier broke the rules! Frasier: Technically, I- Martin: [silences him] Well, then you write a new rule so that Frasier can come back. Frasier: First, I want an apology- Martin: I said zip it! Niles: He did, I heard him! Martin: Don't get smart! Now, are you gonna let your brother play? Niles: Dad- Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play? Niles: Why- Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play? Niles: I- Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play? Niles has no choice. Niles: Fine. Martin: Am I gonna have any more trouble between you two? Frasier/Niles: [humble] No. Martin: No, what? Frasier/Niles: No, sir. Martin: Good. Now shake hands. [they do] That's more like it. Now if you don't mind, I've got a big plate of Gew rzpl tzchen waiting for me at home with my name on it. Martin leaves. The whole wine club has watched this scene. Niles: Uh, well, [chuckles] let's get back to the wine, shall we? Reynolds: You got yelled at by your dad. He giggles, and all the members laugh. Niles: Well, be that as it may- Endicott: Zip it! Everyone laughs louder. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Eight Apartment Frasier opens the door to Niles. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Hello, Frasier. I thought we could drive over to wine club together. Frasier: Actually, I'm thinking about not going. Niles: Why not? Frasier: Niles, truth be told, my enthusiasm for the wine club has started to turn. Niles: I know what you mean! It used to be the wine club. Now it's just the teasing people club. Frasier: Then let's not go. Niles: Well, they'll put our names in the Absent bottle, we'll have to bring the crackers next time. Frasier: What if there's no next time? Niles: What do you mean? Frasier: Niles, those people don't care about wine. Niles: Not the way you and I do, no! Frasier: So what's preventing us from starting a whole new club from scratch? Niles: We could really get back to basics! Frasier: Something that's just about wine! And a clear constitutional procedure for enjoying it! Niles: Yes, only maybe this time the governing body could be bicameral! Frasier: Well, I don't know, Niles, there is something to be said for the parliamentary system! Niles: Well, either way we have to have a strong judiciary to keep it in check. Frasier: God, I love wine. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Apartment: Frasier and Niles are busy planning their new wine club. Frasier has even penned a charter on Constitutional parchment, with a quill pen. Niles has an idea that he wants to show Frasier. He goes to the couch and brings back a medal on a ribbon that looks suspiciously identical to his old Corkmaster one. Frasier wants to see it, but Niles won't give it up. They start to fight over it. Martin comes out of the kitchen angry. He takes a pair of scissors and cuts the ribbon in half, leaving Frasier with the medal and Niles with the ribbon. After he leaves, Frasier and Niles guiltily trade off, and are happy at last.

On the night of Niles' inauguration for a second term as Corkmaster of the Wine Club, Frasier arrives late and announces his resignation. He plans to host a new segment on KACL at the end of Gil Chesterton's Restaurant Beat , called the Wine Corner, and he prefers not to do both. Frasier invites the members of the club to call into the show to enliven the discussion. He is subsequently disappointed to receive no calls from them. He discovers that Niles, annoyed at being upstaged at his inauguration, is using a rule in the Wine Club constitution to prohibit all Wine Club members from calling in. This leads to a rift between the brothers, which Martin refuses to tolerate. He, meanwhile, has a temporary new physical therapist called Frederica who works him very hard but provides excellent food.

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x09

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x09_0

1x09 Wolfsbane Harris: Please don't kill me. Peter: Do you know who wrote that list? Harris: Laura - Laura Hale. Peter: Do you know why she was looking for you? I know why. Turn around, Adrian. Turn around and I'll show you. Turn around! Harris: No. Please. Peter: Look at me. Look at what you've done! Derek: Get down! Police: This is the police. You're surrounded. No one leave the building. Sheriff: Repeat, suspect is on foot. We're in pursuit, heading northwest. Chris: He's on foot. Just ran into the Iron Works. Kate: Wait, wait. Did you say on foot? Chris: Yeah, into the Iron Works. Kate: Running? Chris: Yes, running! Kate: If he's on foot, then who the hell is driving his car? Scott: Faster? Stiles: Much faster. Sheriff: Come on, get the dogs. What the hell? Stiles: Scott, I don't think you're grasping the concept of the car chase here. Scott: If I go faster, I'll kill us. Stiles: Well, if you don't go faster, they're gonna kill us! They're gone. Sheriff: All units, suspect is on foot heading into the Iron Works. Stiles: Get in. Scott: What part of laying low don't you understand? Derek: Damn it, I had him! Stiles: Who, the Alpha? Derek: Yes! He was right in front of me, and the friggin' police showed up. Stiles: Whoa, hey, they're just doing their jobs - Derek: Yeah, thanks to someone who decided to make me the most wanted fugitive in the entire state. Scott: Can we seriously get past that? I made a dumbass mistake. I get it. Stiles: All right. How did you find him? Scott: Can you try to trust us for at least half a second? Stiles: Yeah, both of us. Or just him. I'll be back here. Derek: Look the last time I talked to my sister, she was close to figuring something out. She found two things. The first was a guy named Harris. Stiles: Our chemistry teacher? Scott: Why him? Derek: I don't know yet. Scott: What's the second? Derek: Some kind of symbol. What? You know what this is? Scott: I've seen it on a necklace. Allison's necklace. Scott: This is gonna be impossible, you know. Stiles: Why don't you just ask her if you can borrow it? Scott: How? Stiles: It's easy. You just say, "Hey, Allison, can I borrow your necklace to see if there's anything on it or in it that can lead me to an Alpha werewolf that I need to kill in order to get back together with you?" Scott: You're not helping. Stiles: Why don't you just talk to her. Scott: She won't talk to me. What if she, like, only takes it off in the shower or something? Stiles: That's why you ease - that's why you ease back into it, okay? Get back on the good side, remind her of the good times. And then you ask for the necklace. You're thinking about her in the shower, aren't you? Scott: Yeah. Stiles: All right, stay focused, okay? Get the necklace, get the Alpha, get cured, get Allison. In that order. Got it? Scott: Get the necklace. Doctor: What did you say it was that scratched you? Jackson: It was - it was just an animal. Look, can you hurry this up? I'm missing first period. Doctor: Have you had trouble sleeping lately? Jackson: Kind of. I've been having dreams. Doctor: Dreams or nightmares? Jackson: Nightmares. About a fire. It's this - this house, and I can hear screaming - Wait, what does this have to do with anything? Doctor: Nothing. I hope. Jackson: What is that? Doctor: Just taking a closer look. Jackson: Look, I really don't have much time. Doctor: Hold still. Jackson: I thought you said you were just gonna take a look. Doctor: Yes. But in order to do that, I'm gonna have to dig a little deeper. Jackson: What are those? Doctor: Holding still, please. That didn't hurt, did it? Jackson: No, I'm just - I'm just cold. Doctor: Good. Because this actually will sting just a little bit. Holding still, please! Jackson: Oh - hey! Stop! Stop! It hurts! Doctor: There's something just underneath the skin here. Just one moment longer. Jackson: Stop! Doctor: Almost done. Holding still! Derek: Hold still! Doctor: All right, you can put your shirt back on. The scabs on your neck are nothing to worry about. Jackson: So I'm okay for my game tonight? Doctor: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. But I do want to give you an antibiotic. Have you been eating any strange herbs lately? Jackson: Like what? Doctor: Well, you have aconite poisoning. Jackson: What the hell is aconite? Doctor: Well, it's a purple flower, also called monk's hood or - Jackson: Wolfsbane. Doctor: Yes. So you are familiar with it, then? Jackson: No, I - I have no idea how I knew that. Melissa: Hi. Jackson: Hey, uh, would you mind if I look something up on your computer real quick? Melissa: I bet a handsome face like that doesn't hear "no" very often. Aren't you one of Scott's friends? Jackson: Yeah. Good friends, actually. Melissa: Yeah? Just be quick, okay? Jackson: I know what you are, McCall. Scott: Wh - what? Jackson: I know what you are. Scott: I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about. Jackson: Yeah - Yeah, you do. And here's the thing. However it is you came to be what you are, you're gonna get it for me too. Scott: Get what for you? Jackson: Whatever it is. A bite, a scratch. Sniffing magic fairy dust under the moonlight - I don't care. You're gonna get it for me, or, uh - She's gonna find out about it too. Stiles: How the hell did he find out? Scott: I have no idea. Stiles: Did he say it out loud - the word? Scott: What word? Stiles: Werewolf. Did he say, "I know you're a werewolf"? Scott: No, but he implied it pretty freaking clearly. Stiles: Okay, maybe it's not as bad as it seems. I mean, he doesn't have any proof, right? And if he wanted to tell someone, who's gonna believe him anyway? Scott: How about Allison's father? Stiles: Okay, it's bad. Scott: I need a cure. Right now. Stiles: Does he know about Allison's father? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Okay, where's Derek? Scott: Hiding, like we told him to. Why? Stiles: I have another idea. It's gonna take a little time and finesse, though. Scott: We have that game tonight. It's quarterfinals. And it's your first game. Stiles: I know, I know. Look, do you have a plan for Allison yet? Scott: She's in my next class. Stiles: Get the necklace. Scott: Right. Get the necklace. Lydia: Try another row, sweetheart. Teacher: Okay, class, let's settle down. Let's get our books out. Scott: Allison. Allison: Hey. Class is beginning. Scott: I know. I'll shut up. I just, um - I have some stuff on my phone that I wanted to send you. I thought you might like it. Allison: Okay. Teacher: All right, I'd like to return to our discussion from yesterday with a more in - depth analysis of Iago and the way in which he preyed upon Othello's jealousies. We seem to have some here today. Scott: Allison. Allison: Why did you send me those? Are you trying to make me feel even worse for breaking up with you? Scott: No. I thought you would like them. I - I thought they would remind you of us. Allison: Are you trying to hurt me - Get back at me? Scott: No. Allison: Please don't talk to me. Okay? I need more time to get to just friends. Okay? Please. Stiles: Did you get her to give you the necklace? Scott: Not exactly. Stiles: Ah. What happened? Scott: She told me not to talk to her. At all. Stiles: So she's not giving you the necklace - Scott: She's not giving me the necklace! Stiles: Well, did you find anything else out? Scott: Just that I know nothing about girls, and that they're totally psychotic. Stiles: Okay, I came up with a plan "B" just in case anything like this happened. Scott: What's plan "B"? Stiles: Just steal the stupid thing. Scott: Couldn't we try at least getting to Harris? Stiles: My dad put him on a 24 - hour protective detail, okay? The necklace is all we got. Steal it. Thank you. Scott: Stiles, he's watching us. Jackson: Scott - You can hear me? You can, can't you? Stiles: What's wrong? Scott: Jackson's talking to me. He knows I can hear him. Look at me. Just talk to me. Act normal. Pretend that nothing's happening. Jackson: Are you trying to pretend not to hear me? Scott: Say something. Talk to me! Stiles: I can't think of anything. My mind's a complete blank. Scott: Your mind's blank? You can't think of something to say? Stiles: Not under this kind of pressure. FYI, he's not even sitting with them anymore. Scott: Where the hell is he? Jackson: Looking for me, McCall? I'm right here. So what else can you do? Huh? Can you see better? Are you stronger, more powerful? No, I knew there was no way you suddenly got that good at lacrosse. Which means you're actually a cheater, aren't you? I mean, can you even play lacrosse? Scott: Yes. Jackson: I'll bet my new co - captain's gonna score a bunch of shots tonight, aren't you? And while you're pretending you're not a lying cheat, I'm gonna ruin your life if you don't give me what I want. And you know what I'm gonna start with? Her. I'm gonna destroy any chance you'll ever have with her. And when I'm done with that, I'm gonna get her all alone, and I'm gonna get my hands all over that tight little body. Stiles: Scott, come on, you can't let him do this. You can't let him have this kind of power over you. Okay? Jackson: I'm gonna do everything you never got the chance to do, and, Scott, she's gonna beg for more. I'll bet she likes to get loud. Maybe she's even a screamer. How are you gonna feel, Scott - When she's screaming my name? Allison: You beat me again. Jackson: I have an unfair advantage. You see these cheekbones? Aerodynamically suited for speed in water. So you're coming to the game tonight, right? Allison: I was thinking no. Jackson: You have to. We win tonight, we're in the semifinals. It's not because of Scott, right? Allison: I was thinking it might be a little weird. Jackson: He's fine with it. He actually asked me if you were coming. He said he hoped you didn't feel weird about it. Scott: I did? Allison: He did? Jackson: Yeah. You know, he's a good guy. You can't hate him too much. I mean, it's pretty obvious he's a little immature to be dating somebody like you. But then, you - you can't really blame him for trying. Lydia: Jackson! This little text - not funny! Jackson: No, I wasn't trying to be funny. I would have put a "ha ha" at the end of it. And, see, there's no "ha ha." Lydia: "Lydia, please give back my spare house key at your earliest convenience - As we are no longer dating"? Jackson: You didn't lose it, did you? Lydia: What the hell is this? Jackson: Well, Lydia, in preparation for some big changes, I've decided to drop some of the dead weight in my life. And you're just about the deadest. Lydia: Are you breaking up with me? Jackson: Dumping, actually. I'm dumping you. Lydia: Dumped by the co - captain of the lacrosse team. I wonder how many minutes it'll take me to get over that. Wait, seconds, actually. Seconds! [SCENE_BREAK] Sheriff: Hey, Stiles! Stiles: Yo, D-Derek. I, um - Sheriff: What'd you say? Stiles: What? I said "Yo - d - dad." Sheriff: Listen, I've got something I've got to take care of, but I'm gonna be there tonight. I mean, your first game. Stiles: My first game. Guh, it's great. Awesome. Uh - Good. Sheriff: I'm very happy for you. And I'm really proud of you. Stiles: Thanks. Me too. I'm happy and proud - of myself. Sheriff: So they're really gonna let you play, right? Stiles: Yeah, dad. I'm first line. Believe that? Sheriff: I'm very proud. Stiles: Oh, me too. Again, I'm - Huggie - Huggie, huggie - Sheriff: See you there. Stiles: Take it easy. Stiles: I'm sor - oh! Derek: If you say one word - Stiles: Oh, what, you mean, like, "Hey, dad, Derek Hale's in my room - Bring your gun"? Yeah, that's right. If I'm harboring your fugitive ass, it's my house, my rules, buddy. Stiles: Oh, my God! Derek: Scott didn't get the necklace? Stiles: No. He's still working on it. But there's something else we can try. The night we were trapped at the school, Scott sent a text to Allison asking her to meet him there. Derek: So? Stiles: So it wasn't Scott. Derek: Well, can you find out who sent it? Stiles: No, not me. But I think I know somebody who can. Danny: You want me to do what? Stiles: Trace a text. Danny: I came here to do lab work. That's what lab partners do. Stiles: And we will, once you trace the text. Danny: And what makes you think I know how? Stiles: I - I looked up your arrest report, so - Danny: I - I was 13. They dropped the charges. Stiles: Whatever. Danny: No, we're doing lab work. Stiles: Oh, my - Danny: Who's he again? Stiles: Um, my cousin - Miguel. Danny: Is that blood on his shirt? Stiles: Yeah. Yes. Well, he gets these horrible nosebleeds. Hey, Miguel. I thought I told you you could borrow one of my shirts. So anyway, I mean, we both know you have the skills to trace that text, so we should probably - Derek: Uh, Stiles? Stiles: Yes? Derek: This - no fit. Stiles: Then try something else on. Sorry. Hey, that one looks pretty good, huh? What do you think, Danny? The shirt. Danny: It's - it's not really his color. Stiles: You swing for a different team, but you still play ball, don't you, Danny boy? Danny: You're a horrible person. Stiles: I know. It keeps me awake at night. Anyway, about that text. Derek: Stiles! None of these fit. Danny: I'll need the ISP, the phone number, and the exact time of the text. Danny: There. The text was sent from a computer. This one. Derek: Registered to that account name? Stiles: No, no, no, no. That can't be right. Chris: Scott. She should be home in a few minutes. She sometimes goes for a run after school. Scott: You know, actually, I should get going. I've got a game to get to tonight. Chris: You want something to drink? I'm gonna have a beer. Scott: You don't have to test me anymore. Your - daughter already dumped me. Chris: No test. I'm sorry. High school romances burn bright, fade fast. Go ahead. Scott: I'm good, thanks. Chris: So I was curious about something, Scott. How do you know Derek Hale? Scott: Who? Kate: Damn, you got some lungs on you! Allison: Did you follow me here? Kate: Well, you can't blame me for being concerned about my favorite niece, now, can you? What are you looking for? Allison: I don't know - Something. Anything. Kate: You mean answers - To lingering questions like - Allison: Why he would want to kill us. Kate: Well, I mean, come on, look at this place. Could you imagine if your father and I were trapped in something like this? It might do some pretty interesting things to your head, don't you think? Allison: It wouldn't turn me into a psychotic killer. Kate: You don't have to be psychotic to be a killer. You just - need a reason. And even then, sometimes - You can surprise yourself. What do you want, Allison? Allison: I want to not be scared. That night in the school, I felt utterly weak. Like - like I needed somebody to come in and rescue me. I hate that feeling. I want to feel stronger than that. I want to feel powerful. Kate: Allison, if you can give me just a little bit of time - Be just a little patient - I think I can give you exactly what you want. Chris: Allison said that she's seen you talking to him. Don't you think that seems a little disconcerting, Scott? You talking to an alleged murderer? Scott: It's not like I'm the only one that knows him. Chris: But you're the only one that's talking to him. Scott: Why are you talking to me like I've done something wrong? Chris: Have you? You don't have to be afraid of me. I mean, you get that I'm just thinking of my daughter's safety, right? Scott: Will you believe me if say I think about it too? That it's all that I think about. When we were in the school the other night, every choice that I made, everything I did - every single thing was to make sure that she was safe! Chris: You should go. You don't want to be late for your game. Scott: Did you get the picture? Stiles: Yeah, I did, and it looks just like the drawing. Derek: Hey, is there something on the back of it? There's gotta be something. An inscription, an opening, something. Scott: No, no, the thing's flat. And, no, it doesn't open. There's nothing in it, on it, around it, nothing. And where are you? You're supposed to be here. You're first line. Coach: Where the hell is Bilinski? Scott: Man, you're not gonna play if you're not here to start. Stiles: I know. Look, if you see my dad, can you tell him - tell him I'll be there, I'll just be a little bit late, okay? All right, thanks. Derek: You're not gonna make it. Stiles: I know. Derek: And you didn't tell him about his mom, either. Stiles: Not till we find out the truth. Derek: By the way, one more thing. Stiles: Yeah. Oh, God! What the hell was - Derek: You know what that was for. Go. Go! Jackson: It's the bite that does it, isn't it? Scott: Yes. Jackson: Well, then, it's easy. Scott: No, it's not. I can't be the one to do it, okay? It has to be - It has to be an Alpha. Jackson: Well, then, you get him to do it. Scott: I don't even know who he is. Okay, trust me. This whole thing is so much more complicated than you think. There's - there's others. There's hunters. Jackson: Hunting what? What hunters? Scott: Werewolf hunters. Jackson: Oh, my God. You've got to be kidding me. No, jerk - off! There's a whole family of them, and they carry assault rifles. Do you get that? Assault rifles. Jackson: Them? Scott: What? No, no - Jackson: Oh, my God, that actually makes sense. Allison Argent. Oh, my God, you don't get it. You've known her this long, and you never actually asked her - her name, idiot. Do you know what Argent means in French? It means silver. Stiles: Yeah, I said I can't find her. Derek: Look, ask for Jennifer. She's been looking after my uncle. Stiles: Yeah, well, he's not here either. Derek: What? Stiles: He's not here. He's gone, Derek. Derek: Stiles, get out of there right now - it's him! He's the Alpha! Get out! Peter: You must be Stiles. Nurse: What are you doing here? Visiting hours are over. Stiles: You - and him. You're - you're the one who - Oh, my - and he's - Oh, my God, I'm gonna die. Peter: That's not nice. She's my nurse. Derek: She's a psychotic bitch helping you kill people. Get out of the way. Stiles: Oh, damn. Peter: You think I killed Laura on purpose? One of my own family? My mind, my personality were literally burned out of me. I was being driven by pure instinct. Derek: You want forgiveness? Peter: I want understanding. Do you have any idea - What it was like for me during those years? Slowly healing, cell by cell. Even more slowly coming back to consciousness. Yes, becoming an Alpha, taking that from Laura pushed me over a plateau in the healing process. I can't help that. I tried to tell you what was happening. I tried to warn you. Harris: It was six years ago, and in my defense, it was before I'd gotten sober. Sheriff: Listen, I have my son's first lacrosse game to get to. What do you say we just focus on the details, huh? Harris: I met her at a bar. We had a lot of drinks. A lot. She started asking me what I do, and she kept asking questions. Do you have any idea what that's like? To have someone actually interested in the topic of chemistry - After staring at all these vacant faces day after - Sheriff: Details. Harris: Like I said, I talked. It was fascinating stuff. How you could melt away the lock of a bank vault. How you could dissolve a body, and get away with murder. Sheriff: How you could start a fire, and get away with arson? Harris: And a week later, the Hale house burns down. Sheriff: You know, you could have said something. Harris: And be an accomplice? It would have ended my teaching career. Sheriff: So you don't know her name or where she was from? Harris: No! Which is exactly what Laura Hale asked. I'll point you in the same direction that I pointed her. Sheriff: What is this? Harris: The necklace the girl was wearing. That's the symbol on it. I asked her about it. She said it was a family thing. You find the girl wearing that necklace, she's your arsonist. Sheriff: Murderer. Harris: Excuse me? Sheriff: Arson happens to property. This girl's a murderer. Peter: I was going to wait, for dramatic flair - but - When you look this good, why wait? Derek, you have to give me a chance to explain. After all, we're family. Coach: Now, this is what I like to see, rivals turned allies. You know there's no "me" in "team," right, boys? Scott: Yes, there is, coach. Coach: Okay, smartass, how 'bout this - No "A" in econ if no win on field? Good? Huh? Perfect. Good. Scott: So what are you gonna do? Jackson: Well, I'm gonna give you a chance to give me what I want. What's three days, huh? 72 hours. That's all you get, Scott. 72 hours. Scott: What if I can't? Jackson: Oh, come on, McCall. That's not a winning attitude. Coach: Let's go. Huddle up! Let's go! Big night! Big night! Allison: That one. That's Jackson. Kate: Holy hotness. Oh, if I was in high school again - Maybe just a substitute teacher. Allison: You are sick. Kate: You should be all over that. Chris, remember how we were talking about a second beta - a younger one? Chris: Yes. Kate: Can you get turned by a scratch? Chris: If the claws go deep enough. Maybe. Kate: Wonder how deep those went. Coach: Ready? Say it so they can hear it! Hands in. What are we? Team: We are lacrosse! Coach: All right, take the field! Let's go!

Jackson discovers that he has aconite poisoning and thinks he has figured out what is up with Scott. Meanwhile, Derek hides from the manhunt in Stiles' room while Stiles and Scott try to get Allison's necklace and any clues that may lead to the identity of the alpha. Teammate Danny lends Stiles his internet expertise to help in the search. Derek and Stiles discover the identity of the Alpha.

fd_Bones_01x07

fd_Bones_01x07_0

"A Man on Death Row" [SCENE_BREAK] (INT: FBI Building, conference room) (BOOTH and BRENNAN are sitting at a table) BOOTH: Name? BRENNAN: You know my name. BOOTH: Bones, you are making an official request to the FBI to be allowed to carry a concealed weapon. I have to follow protocol. BRENNAN: It's ridiculous. BOOTH: Fine, then we're done here. Do you wanna get some coffee...? BRENNAN: My name is Dr Temperance Brennan. BOOTH: Reason for wanting a gun? BRENNAN: To shoot people. BOOTH: Not a good response. BRENNAN: It's the truth. BOOTH: You know, I'm writing "self defence in the performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to the FBI." BRENNAN: So I can shoot them. BOOTH: Ever been charged with a felony? BRENNAN: Charged, or convicted? BOOTH: Charged. BRENNAN: You know I have. BOOTH: I have to ask the questions. BRENNAN: Bureaucratic nonsense. BOOTH: Nevertheless, name of the arresting officer? BRENNAN: You... Special Agent Seeley Booth. Do you need me to spell that for you? BOOTH: I can sound that out. BRENNAN: So when do I get the gun? BOOTH: You can't have a gun. BRENNAN: Why not? BOOTH: Because you were charged with a felony. BRENNAN: Write down that you were wrong to charge me. BOOTH: Oh, there's no space for that. BRENNAN: Why'd we go through all of this if you were never going to give me a gun? BOOTH: You have a constitutional right to apply for a weapon. I would never deny your constitutional right. BRENNAN: But I need a gun! BOOTH: Rules are rules. BRENNAN: Tell them that I shot a murderer who was going to light me on fire. BOOTH: Which is why you weren't convicted. But you did shoot an unarmed man. I... I can't ignore that. I swore an oath to protect society from people who shoot people. BRENNAN: It was only his leg, and he's in jail for the rest of his life, how much is he gonna use it anyway? BOOTH: You have the right to an appeal. BRENNAN: To whom? (off Booth's look) Cullen? I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me. BOOTH: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're right. (INT: FBI Building, outer office) BOOTH: Bones, you don't need a gun. If anyone needs shooting, I'll do it. BRENNAN: What if you're injured or dead, and someone still needs shooting? Well, I'm not hoping it'll happen, I'm just stating a possibility. BOOTH: Come on, you know what, Bones? You're a professor; you're not an FBI agent. Use your mutant powers... just talk people to death. (BOOTH sees AMY MORTON standing in his office) AMY: Am I interrupting? BOOTH: I told them not to let you in this building. I gave them your picture. AMY: Which is why I wore the tiny skirt. BOOTH: Very cute. AMY: Amy Morton. BRENNAN: Temperance Brennan. AMY: You work with Booth? BRENNAN: Yes, I'm a forensic anthropologist. AMY: I'm a defence lawyer. I tend to work against Booth. BOOTH: If it's all the same, I'd prefer you two didn't bond in any way. BRENNAN: Hey, I want to get back to the lab. You said I could fill out some gun reapplication forms. BOOTH: Yeah. Send it back by courier. No hurry. BRENNAN: (to Amy) Nice to meet you. BOOTH: What do you want, Amy? AMY: You remember Howard Epps? BOOTH: Not likely to forget him. AMY: He's scheduled to be executed tomorrow night. My job is to keep that from happening. BOOTH: Huh, best of luck. AMY: Howard Epps deserves five minutes of consideration from the man who put him on death row. BOOTH: I arrested Howard Epps, okay? It was the jury who sentenced him to die. AMY: They found a pubic hair on the victim at the crime scene. It didn't belong to my client. They never figured out whose it was. BOOTH: Blame the judge who disallowed it as evidence, and the judge who disallowed it on appeal. AMY: Epps was not well-represented at either trial. BOOTH: How long have you been on the case? AMY: Almost a week. BOOTH: Less than a week, huh? Two judges, two juries, two prosecutors that find Epps guilty, but yet it's me you come after. AMY: I'm asking, are you absolutely positive that Howard Epps killed that girl? BOOTH: Yeah. I am absolutely positive. AMY: You know in your heart the judges should have allowed the juries to hear that that victim was with another man that night. You know it. BOOTH: Epps still would have been convicted. AMY: Not if I'd been his lawyer. BOOTH: You weren't. AMY: I am now. When was the last time you looked him in the face? Cause you're a lot smarter than you were seven years ago. A lot less angry. You might want to check out the evidence again. (INT: Prison, visitation room) (BOOTH sits down across from HOWARD EPPS) BOOTH: I'd ask how you were doing, Howard, but I guess we both know the answer. EPPS: Agent Booth. Did you come to apologise? BOOTH: I'm not the one who beat a 17-year-old girl to death. Your attorney wants me to look you in the face. EPPS: Why? BOOTH: She thinks you're innocent. EPPS: She's right about that. I didn't kill anybody. Unlike you, the sniper. The girl who got murdered was smart, she was pretty, she was from a good family. Someone has to die for that, and I'm all they've got. BOOTH: Okay. I looked you in the face. EPPS: I read it can be hell. They say it's like going to sleep, but you're on fire. And you're paralysed so you can't scream. I mean, that's all you've got sometimes, you know? The scream. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medicolegal lab) (HODGINS and ZACK are racing beetles) HODGINS: What if they get mixed up? ZACK: I can tell them apart. That's Jeff, and that's Ollie. I win. HODGINS: What do you... what? That one was mine. ZACK: You had Jeff, I had Ollie. Ollie won. You owe me a buck. HODGINS: You want in on the action, Angela? ANGELA: No, thank you. I'm going to go have s*x. HODGINS: Have a good time. ANGELA: Okay. (She walks over to BRENNAN) Sure you don't want to come? Troy can call a friend. BRENNAN: I've been waiting months for these. It's a partial skeleton from southern France. The Institute... ANGELA: You know, the whole point of the week is the weekend. This is not the cabaret, my friend. Life is the cabaret. Come to the cabaret. It's like describing the moon to a mole. HODGINS: I demand another beetle, alright? Jeff's got a groin pull. ZACK: Arthropods do not possess groins. Pay up. (BOOTH walks in) BOOTH: Mmm, Angela. Looking good. ANGELA: And don't I know it. BOOTH: Okay, our tax dollars hard at work. HODGINS: Yeah, what's break time at the FBI? Book burning? (BOOTH places a beaker over one of the beetles) HODGINS: No! BOOTH: Hey Bones, what are you doing this weekend? BRENNAN: I have plans. BOOTH: Come on, I'm serious. BRENNAN: Between your girlfriend the corporate lawyer and the defence lawyer on the side, your weekend must be completely booked. What is your thing with lawyers? BOOTH: Look, seven years ago, a 17-year-old girl, April Wright, was found beaten to death in a federal park. Amy's just trying to stop the guy who did it from being executed. BRENNAN: So I guess we're not pursuing your lawyer obsession? BOOTH: No, Amy doesn't think he did it. BRENNAN: And what does this have to do with you? BOOTH: Oh, well, if Amy's client is deep-sixed and she doesn't turn over every stone... BRENNAN: And you're one of her stones. Do you think he did it? BOOTH: Yes. BRENNAN: What's her reasoning? BOOTH: There was a pubic hair that wasn't accounted for. BRENNAN: Pubic hair? Sounds like a job for the FBI crime lab. BOOTH: It's a weekend deal. Off the books. But if you have plans... BRENNAN: Wait. This is a personal favour you're asking? BOOTH: Not for me, for Amy. BRENNAN: Well, your personal favour would be for Amy, but mine would be for you, strictly speaking. BOOTH: Please do me a favour. Please? BRENNAN: Any remains withheld from burial? BOOTH: Not after the last appeal. BRENNAN: I'd need X-rays from the ME and the coroner. Originals, the copies are useless. Bone scrapings, lab results, tox screens. BOOTH: All the evidence will be here within an hour. BRENNAN: I'll ask the others, but I won't order them. They might have plans. BOOTH: It's Friday night, and they're racing beetles. BRENNAN: How much time do we have? BOOTH: Howard Epps will be executed in 30 hours and 23 minutes. (CREDITS) (INT: Jeffersonian, Medicolegal lab) BRENNAN: Let's start. Zack, pull up the first X-ray. Stress fractures on both tibias. BOOTH: What does that mean? ZACK: Pre-existing the assault, probably an old injury from dance or running. BOOTH: She was a cheerleader. HODGINS: The Chinese used to execute people by cutting small pieces of flesh off their bodies. Called it the death of 1000 cuts. BRENNAN: Compound fractures of the trapezium, scaphoid and the base of the radius. BOOTH: What's that mean? ZACK: When she was being beaten to death with a blunt instrument, she threw her arm up to defend herself. BOOTH: Well that's consistent with the defensive wounds in the autopsy report. HODGINS: In medieval Scotland, they'd tie a convict's arms and legs to two bent saplings. When they released the saplings, the trees sprang apart and the convicted felon was torn in half. Should I grab particulates from this? BOOTH: That's clean. It's a phone number we found on the girl - belonged to an old woman in a nursing home with no connection to anyone involved. BRENNAN: Extensive damage to the skull, smashed six to eight times with a narrow cylindrical object. BOOTH: The tyre iron was missing from April Wright's car. HODGINS: Autopsy showed she'd had s*x shortly before her death. BOOTH: Consensual. No assault. ZACK: The hair they found was never matched to anyone? BOOTH: No, the prosecution got it excluded from evidence both in trial and on appeal. BRENNAN: That's the basis of your lawyer's last-ditch attempt to stop the execution? BOOTH: Yeah, and whatever else you guys can find. BRENNAN: There are particles lodged between the left triquetral and the capitate. ZACK: The ME concluded that they were bone fragments dislodged by the tyre iron. BRENNAN: No, these radiographic shadows are too opaque for bone. BOOTH: What's that mean? ZACK: The prosecution's theory of the crime does not include foreign matter in the bone. BRENNAN: Let's see if these shadows are bone fragments or something else. BOOTH: Like what? BRENNAN: Let's pretend we're objective scientists and not indulge in conjecture. Zack, get a driver to take you over to Greenbelt Park. I want you to take pictures of the area where the body was found. Ground covering, paved areas. BOOTH: Why does he need a driver? ZACK: I can't drive. BOOTH: You're a genius who can't drive? ZACK: If you knew what I know about structural design, you wouldn't drive either. BRENNAN: Take the file. Get photos of the surrounding areas so that we can contextualize the materials we found. BOOTH: (answering cell phone) Booth. Yeah. Yes, I'll be right there. (to BRENNAN) That was April Wright's father. BRENNAN: A murder victim's dad called you? BOOTH: His wife's a wreck. They heard that Amy's angling for a last minute reprieve. HODGINS: Why did he call you? BRENNAN: Because Booth was the agent that arrested Howard Epps in the first place. BOOTH: You know, I'm pretty sure that that evidence is not in the file. BRENNAN: Earlier you said "it's a phone number that we found on the girl." HODGINS: Wait. You're trying to save someone you arrested for murder? BOOTH: Alright, you know, I think he did it. I think this scumbag bashed April Wright to death with a tyre iron. BRENNAN: We've found some anomalies in the prosecution's case. Do you want us to stop now before these anomalies become meaningful? BOOTH: No. Stay on it. I gotta get going. (EXT: Greenbelt Park) (ZACK takes pictures of the crime scene) (INT: Jeffersonian, Medicolegal lab) ANGELA: You guys are pathetic. It's Friday night. HODGINS: There's nothing pathetic about pro bono work on a death penalty case. ANGELA: Everybody, this is Troy. TROY: Hey, how you doing? ANGELA: Could you just wait here one second? TROY: Yeah. ANGELA: (to BRENNAN) Why did you call me in? Look at this guy. He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy. BRENNAN: Uh-huh. I really, really need you to do texture analysis on seven year old X-rays. ANGELA: But I am on a date. With Troy. He's a man. Wave. What's the big steaming gigantic rush? BRENNAN: A man is scheduled to die in 26 hours. I think he'd like the results of our findings before then. ANGELA: Good one. (to TROY) Troy, sweetie. I've got a few things to do around here. Do you mind just hanging out for a little while? TROY: Um, sure, no problem. Let me just call the restaurant and tell them we'll be late. What do you think, half an hour? ANGELA: You'd better make it an hour, minimum. TROY: Okay. HODGINS: (answering phone) Hodgins. ZACK: (on phone) Most recondite codes have a complex numerical cipher. HODGINS: (on phone) That's a fun factoid, Zack. Thank you. ZACK: (on phone) 12402510221. That's the number they found on the victim. HODGINS: (on phone) Yeah, you're the one with the photographic memory. I'm the one that's good with the ladies. ZACK: (on phone) It's not a phone number. (hangs up) (TROY wanders over to HODGINS' desk) TROY: Hey. So, uh, what exactly do they do here? I thought Angela was an artist. HODGINS: She is. We do mostly forensic identification and reconstruction of discorporated remains. My specialty's entomology and particulates. You ever seen maggots? I just got these in. ANGELA: Do not talk to him. Wait in the lounge, baby. It's up those stairs right over there. Don't talk to anybody. TROY: Okay. (INT: Jeffersonian, lab platform) HODGINS: What'd you find? BRENNAN: A shard of bone. How'd they miss that? HODGINS: They're not as good as we are. 40x magnification. Well, that's not bone. It's inorganic. Mineral, possibly quartz. ZACK: I was out taking the pictures you needed and there was a sign and numbers on the ground, and I thought 'why assume a quasi-randomly generated...' HODGINS: Zack. When you talk that fast, human beings can't hear you. ZACK: The number they found on the girl. 12402510221. Everyone assumed it was a phone number. But what if, instead of spacing the numbers like a phone number, you space them like this? I was in the park taking pictures, and I saw that the parking space was numbered. To get to picnic area 10, you go through gate 25. BRENNAN: Seems more than a coincidence. HODGINS: 1240, what do those represent? ZACK: The time. 12:40. It's when she was gonna meet whoever she was meeting. HODGINS: It fits with the timeline. He's weird, but he's smart. BRENNAN: April Wright was setting up a date. ZACK: Probably with the guy who left the pubic hair on her. BRENNAN: Good job, Zack. HODGINS: I got something. It's not quite so idiot savant, but it's aggregate gravel. BRENNAN: What if the rest of the shadows on the X-rays were also gravel? ZACK: There was no gravel where her body was found. It was all grass. BRENNAN: Then she was killed someplace else. We have to exhume our victim's body. (INT: Wright house, entryway / living room) MR WRIGHT: It's very stressful waiting for this all to be over, and now we hear Epps' lawyers are trying for a reprieve. BOOTH: I heard. DAVID: He got himself a young lawyer from the Innocence Project. They don't consider the families of the victims. MR WRIGHT: You remember our lawyer, David Ross. Agent Booth is the investigator who caught Epps. MRS WRIGHT: Is this ever going to be over? BOOTH: I understand how difficult this is, Mrs Wright. MRS WRIGHT: Epps killed my daughter. You believe that, don't you, Agent Booth? BOOTH: Yes ma'am. I haven't changed my mind. MRS WRIGHT: He deserves to die for what he did. MR WRIGHT: The jury thought so, the judge thought so. All these appeals... BOOTH: It's part of the process, that's all. DAVID: Each effort to stop his execution is more and more desperate. This one's not gonna work either. It's the third time they've launched an appeal, and it's gonna be the third time they fail. MRS WRIGHT: It's the last picture we have of April. MR WRIGHT: She wanted to be a lawyer. David was her role model. He gave her a job at his firm on the weekends. DAVID: She was a good worker. BOOTH: She was a beautiful girl. Excuse me. (answering cell phone) Booth. BRENNAN: (on phone) It's me, I'm with Amy. BOOTH: (on phone) I don't like the sound of that. AMY: We're going to see the judge. I'm going to try to get an exhumation order. BOOTH: (on phone) What? Why? BRENNAN: (on phone) We found evidence April may not have been killed where they found her body. You want details? BOOTH: (on phone) Um, it's not a good time. AMY: We need to look at April's remains. BRENNAN: (on phone) Zack decoded the phone number. BOOTH: (on phone) Who decodes phone numbers? BRENNAN: (on phone) It's not a phone number. April met someone in Greenbelt Park the night she was murdered. BOOTH: (on phone) So she met someone in the park. What does that prove? MR WRIGHT: Is this about April? BOOTH: (on phone) Let me get right back to you. (hangs up) MRS WRIGHT: What's happening now? BOOTH: Apparently some new evidence has surfaced. MRS WRIGHT: What kind of evidence? DAVID: Why don't you give me a few minutes with Agent Booth? Let me evaluate these new developments. MR WRIGHT: Let's get some coffee. DAVID: So this new evidence. Is this something they can bear to hear? BOOTH: Well, it concerns the person April had sexual relations with the night she was murdered. DAVID: The judge ruled that irrelevant. BOOTH: It's always hung there as a question. It's always the basis of the appeal. If we could just ID the guy, this whole issue would just disappear. DAVID: It was s*x in a car. It was probably another teenager. Some kid too scared to come forward. BOOTH: Nobody said anything about s*x being in the car. DAVID: It was a parking lot. I assume the s*x act took place inside a car. BOOTH: When April worked for your law firm on the weekends, what did she do, the filing? DAVID: That's right. BOOTH: Who was with her in the office? DAVID: Why do you ask? BOOTH: Well, a 17 year old girl. I'm sure you just wouldn't leave her in there all by herself. What? You can't remember? I'm sure the security logs will be able to tell us something. Refresh my memory, Mr Ross. Where were you the night that April was killed? Say around 12:30? DAVID: Now's the time that I ask for my lawyer, and say nothing. (INT: Car) AMY: So, are you seeing each other? BRENNAN: Who? AMY: You and Booth. BRENNAN: No. No, we're working together. AMY: Cause I'm picking up a bit of a s*x vibe. BRENNAN: No, that's tension. He has a girlfriend. AMY: Tall, blonde, beautiful? BRENNAN: A lawyer. AMY: Figures. Should've jumped him when I had the chance. BRENNAN: You're really interested in Booth? AMY: You aren't? BRENNAN: No. AMY: Well then why are you helping him? BRENNAN: Because he asked me. He said please. AMY: Come on. You think he's hot. BRENNAN: No. Not at all. This is a very interesting case. AMY: Booth did say you had some kind of mania for the truth. BRENNAN: Mania? As in maniac? AMY: I'm not sure he meant it as a bad thing. Which obviously is how you're taking it. [SCENE_BREAK] (INT: FBI building, interrogation room) CULLEN: You want to start, or shall I? BOOTH: I'm sorry sir, I... CULLEN: I'll start. I'm thinking of suspending you for freelancing on a death penalty case we cleared seven years ago. BOOTH: My intention was just to tie up a few loose ends. CULLEN: Do you disapprove of the death penalty on a principle...? BOOTH: No sir. I have no problem with the death penalty. CULLEN: Because I hear that you're working for a particularly attractive, idealist... BOOTH: Not true! I mean yes, she's young, she's an idealist, but I'm not working for her. No. Like I said, there was a loose end, and I arrested Howard Epps. I provided the evidence which led to the death sentence. CULLEN: That's your job. BOOTH: I need to be sure, that's all. This guy was her godfather. I believe he had s*x with a 17-year-old girl the same night she was murdered. A fact that the jury never heard, by the way. He's married. He's partners in a law firm. The guy's got everything to lose. CULLEN: If you want to question him, fine. Is that the end of your involvement, Agent Booth? BOOTH: Not exactly. They're moving to exhume the victim's body, sir. CULLEN: On whose recommendation? BOOTH: The young idealist lawyer... and Dr Brennan. CULLEN: Got the squints involved. Well, if she shoots anybody this time, I sure the hell hope it's you. (INT: Judge Cohen's house, living room) COHEN: These are not the robes I like to wear to work, Ms Morton. BRENNAN: Sir, if you could maybe tie your dressing gown? COHEN: It's one in the morning. Deal with it. So you found a piece of bone the size of a toothpick. BRENNAN: Yes. A shard from her left triquetral with gravel embedded in it. COHEN: Describe the implications. BRENNAN: The jury was told that these shadows here and here were bits of bone shattered during the attack. AMY: Through advanced digital X-ray techniques, Dr Brennan's team of scientists have found that the density of these fragments is not the same as the surrounding bone. COHEN: What are they? BRENNAN: The only way I can tell is by actually looking at them. COHEN: You want to exhume April Wright? AMY: Yes please. COHEN: Because of some shadows on an X-ray? BRENNAN: I don't see another alternative. COHEN: Dr Brennan, if those shadows turned out to be pieces of bone, I'd be extremely angry. BRENNAN: Thank you, Judge Cohen. COHEN: For making a veiled threat? BRENNAN: I thought you were threatening me because you'd decided to sign the exhumation order. (INT: Jeffersonian, Angela's office) EPPS: (in interview on TV) I did not kill April Wright. There are good people out there... you know, people who believe me. People who know I did not kill that girl because they saw the evidence. AMY: I honestly think he's innocent. Don't you? BRENNAN: I don't like to form any conclusions before all the evidence is in. ANGELA: April Wright's body just arrived. BRENNAN: (to Amy) You might be more comfortable staying here. (INT: Jeffersonian, lab platform) AMY: I... I can't. TROY: (from lounge) Oh, god! ANGELA: Don't look, sweetie. TROY: You're not an artist. You're a freak. You people are all freaks (he leaves). ANGELA: Uh, this job is so hard to describe online. ZACK: The left triquetral. BRENNAN: It's a match. For the record, do you concur? ZACK: I concur. BRENNAN: We've got several pieces of foreign material lodged in the bone. HODGINS: It's the same stuff we found in the shard. ANGELA: Which is consistent with the arm being dragged through gravel after the attack. BOOTH: I got a warrant to search the house of the guy April Wright had s*x with the night she was murdered. BRENNAN: What'd you find? BOOTH: Underwear. Can you run a comparison on the hair? (HODGINS and ZACK play scissors-paper-rock for it; ZACK loses) BOOTH: Is that April Wright? BRENNAN: Looks like she wasn't killed where she was found. BOOTH: Then where was she murdered? BRENNAN: We've got microscopic particles beaten into the skull. Were these ever ID'd? HODGINS: According to the autopsy report, no. ZACK: It's a visual match. BRENNAN: (to Angela) Will you backstop him on that? BOOTH: Where's Amy? AMY: I'm here. I can't... BOOTH: It's okay. Things can get pretty, you know, disgusting around here. ANGELA: I concur with Zack. We have a visual match on the pubic hair. BOOTH: Is a visual match enough to stop the execution? AMY: We need DNA to be sure. BRENNAN: Amy's right. This evidence isn't enough to stop the execution. AMY: And you've got nothing else. Nothing at all? BRENNAN: I don't know what else we can do. AMY: (to Booth) If you tell the judge you've changed your mind, that Howard Epps is not guilty... BRENNAN: Have you changed your mind? BOOTH: No. I have doubts that the guy should be executed, but... let's go see the judge. (INT: Prison, Epps' cell) (EPPS sits, waiting.) (INT: Judge Cohen's house, kitchen) COHEN: At my age, a man needs a good night's sleep. Lack of sleep clouds judgement. AMY: If you stay the execution, Judge, I promise you'll sleep like a baby. COHEN: Mr Carlyle, what does the prosecution think? CARLYLE: This is a waste of the state's time, Your Honour. Ms Morton is recycling old evidence, presenting it in a different way in a last ditch attempt to keep Howard Epps from being executed. She's an ideologue. AMY: That's true. But it doesn't mean I'm not right. This case doesn't add up. COHEN: You, brilliant scientist lady. Talk to me about this bone shard. BRENNAN: It indicates the body was dragged to the location where it was later discovered. That, plus the gravel... COHEN: Common gravel, I'm not convinced. What about the hair? BRENNAN: It's a visual match. That narrows the statistical probability to... COHEN: DNA? AMY: Ten days. We'll have it in ten days. COHEN: What about this man that the FBI's taken into custody? David Ross? Has he confessed to sleeping with her? AMY: No. CARLYLE: Even if the DNA says David Ross slept with the girl, it doesn't prove he killed her. COHEN: Let's stick with new facts, Ms Morton. AMY: Your Honour, at least give us time to find David Ross' car. There could be evidence of murder... COHEN: Could be? I can't stop an execution because there "could be" evidence. AMY: Judge Cohen, I have the arresting officer right here. The primary investigator. COHEN: Agent Booth. Have you suddenly decided that Howard Epps is not guilty? BOOTH: No. AMY: Booth! BOOTH: I think there are doubts, and when it comes to an execution, there shouldn't be any doubts. CARLYLE: He doesn't have doubts, he has cold feet. BOOTH: You think I won't pop you one just because we're standing in the judge's kitchen? COHEN: You see? You lose sleep, you get cranky. Judgement suffers. It's not enough. AMY: Your Honour, you can't dismiss this so easily. COHEN: Easily? I allowed you to exhume that girl's remains. Do you think I did that easily? We all feel the weight of a capital case, Ms Morton, but the law is clear. Unless there is proof of grievous incompetence by counsel, or a denial of legitimate and definitive factual certainties, my hands are tied. (INT: Car) AMY: I'll go out to the prison and tell Epps. BRENNAN: I'll take another look at the skull, see if we didn't miss something. BOOTH: Bones... BRENNAN: The particulates in the skull still haven't been analysed yet. AMY: This is so barbaric. When are they gonna put a stop to the damn death penalty? BRENNAN: I believe in the death penalty. AMY: What? BRENNAN: There are certain people that shouldn't be in this world. The people who hacked hundreds of innocent children to death in Rwanda, beheaded them at their desks at school. The people who did that? They should be executed. AMY: So why do you care about Epps? BRENNAN: Because the facts have to add up. Drop me at the lab, please. (INT: Prison, Epps' cell) EPPS: Last meal. I can't decide. What's the last taste that I want? AMY: Howard, I am so sorry. BOOTH: Dr Brennan is still working on a few ideas. EPPS: You see the truth. You know I'm innocent, right? BOOTH: I know there's a chance you're not guilty. EPPS: Well that's good enough for me. BOOTH: A chance, I said. Alright? A chance. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medicolegal lab) HODGINS: These are slivers of metal found on the skull. ZACK: Probably from the tyre iron. BRENNAN: Is that blood? HODGINS: It's silt. I'm breaking it down. It contains traces of two chemicals. ZACK: Anthracene and fluoranthene. ANGELA: I've scanned in all the X-rays and built a 3-D model. Troy would have liked that. b*st*rd. BRENNAN: I've found some more material in the fractures along the sagittal suture. HODGINS: It's pollen. (INT: Jeffersonian, Angelator) HODGINS: The pollen is from Spartina alterniflora, more commonly known as smooth cord grass. AMY: I'm sorry, what does pollen tell us about April Wright's murder? BRENNAN: Angela? (the Angelator changes pictures) The murder weapon collected pollen from the surrounding flora. When she was struck, pollen from the murder weapon was deposited in April's skull. HODGINS: Spartina alterniflora is only found along Chesapeake Bay. ZACK: The pollen and silt both showed traces of complex chemicals. BOOTH: What does that mean? BRENNAN: April Wright was killed in a marsh near a chemical plant. AMY: (answering cell phone) Amy Morton. Thanks. (to everyone) They've moved Howard Epps to the imminent room. ANGELA: What's that? BOOTH: It's where he has his last meal and says goodbye to his family. We need the location of that marsh. (INT: FBI Building, interrogation room) BOOTH: Look, the hair that we found proves that you had s*x with April Wright. You're going to be charged with statutory rape. LAWYER: But not by you. Statutory rape is not a federal crime. So I'm left to assume that you're here to get my client to confess to murder. BOOTH: It adds up. It tracks. ROSS: I didn't kill April. BOOTH: You met April in the park, but she was killed somewhere else... near a chemical plant? ROSS: I don't know anything about that. BOOTH: You had s*x with her. She threatened to tell her family. You couldn't let that happen. ROSS: No. BOOTH: You'd lose your business, your professional standing. ROSS: No. LAWYER: Do not engage with him, David. BOOTH: You had motive, you had means, you had opportunity. ROSS: I didn't kill her. BOOTH: Then why aren't you helping us? ROSS: What? BOOTH: By not admitting that you were there that night, by not confessing that you were with her, you're clouding the issue. ROSS: So what? Epps will still be in jail for the rest of his life. LAWYER: We are not discussing the events of that night, Agent Booth. BOOTH: You are the only person who can tell us what happened that night. Do you care at all about what happened to her? ROSS: Okay, look, I went there that night just to talk, okay? That's all. LAWYER: This interview is over. ROSS: No, I... just to talk. I'm not proud of what happened, alright? I could tell you exactly why it happened, but I'm not proud of it. I shouldn't have let myself get pulled in. I didn't know it was her first time, I didn't know she'd get so upset. She ran off. BOOTH: Are you telling me you left her in that park? ROSS: No, I looked for her. I waited for her for over two hours. Finally I figured she called somebody to come get her. BOOTH: Was her car still there when you left? ROSS: Yes, it was. BOOTH: What time was that? ROSS: I guess after 2AM. BOOTH: Did you see anyone else? ROSS: Yeah, there was traffic, there was some traffic. It was all teenagers. After 1AM, there was nothing. Look, maybe it is my fault that he got to her. You know, maybe I should got to jail for that. (INT: FBI Building, conference room) CULLEN: He admits to having s*x with her? BOOTH: Yes sir. CULLEN: Did he kill her? BOOTH: Well he's either telling the truth, or he's setting up his defence. CULLEN: So April Wright met David Ross for a sexual liaison. He took her to a second, unknown location, beat her to death, and deposited the body back at the park. That's sketchy. BRENNAN: Which is why we have to find the murder weapon. CULLEN: Find a tyre iron in a marsh after seven years? That's a long shot. BRENNAN: That's why we need metal detectors and GPR. BOOTH: And a dozen or so agents, sir. CULLEN: And if you find this tyre iron, you can positively identify it as the murder weapon? BRENNAN: It's possible we can match the traces we found in April's skull. CULLEN: Possible? No. Howard Epps' lawyer should present this argument to the judge and let him decide. BOOTH: Sir, without the murder weapon, he will not stay the execution. CULLEN: Way out on a limb here, Booth. BRENNAN: He's just trying to find the truth. Why should he be penalised for...? CULLEN: Take the equipment and the men you need. BOOTH: Thank you sir. CULLEN: She can't have a gun. BOOTH: No gun. Absolutely not. No gun. Thank you, sir. (INT: Car) BRENNAN: (on cell phone) We have GPR, and more agents will meet us out there. We'll have a total of four devices so we'll be able to cover a lot of ground. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medicolegal lab) ANGELA: I'm plugging in all the data from the area to get the location with the closest match. HODGINS: Given the chemicals in the soil and the pollen, I'd say we're looking for a spot near the Rock Hall processing plant. BRENNAN: (on speakerphone) We'll have video relay when we get to the bay, and I need pictures of the type of grass we're looking for. HODGINS: Okay. (EXT: Chesapeake Bay) BRENNAN: There are four areas that have Spartina alterniflora. HODGINS: (through computer video relay) It's a muddy area. Knee-high grass. Okay, go back one screen. BOOTH: It's just off that service road. (Agents are searching the area with metal detectors) AGENT: We got it. We got it. AGENT #2: Let me know what you pull up. AGENT: We've got the tyre iron. AGENT #3: Over here! There's something else here. BOOTH: Here. I got something. It's more than a tyre iron. Is that what I think it is? BRENNAN: I need a shov... BOOTH: Bones. I need a shovel! She's digging here. AGENT #4: Right away, sir. AGENT #5: Ma'am (hands her a shovel). Agent Booth. BRENNAN: (digging) Are you gonna help? BOOTH: Well I would, but this is a $1200 suit. BRENNAN: Are you kidding me? I haven't slept in 48 hours and you're worried about your suit? Get over here. BOOTH: Fine. Can I get a shovel? Thanks. BRENNAN: Dig gently. Small layers at a time. What would you usually be doing? BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: If it were a normal weekend. BOOTH: You want to discuss this now? BRENNAN: Compared to you with your multiple s*x partners... BOOTH: You know, that's none of your business, okay? I'm not having s*x with Amy, and I have never ever cheated on any woman that I've ever been with. Never! BRENNAN: I just asked what you'd normally be doing. BOOTH: I'd be at a movie, dancing... being with somebody that I care about. You? (BRENNAN and BOOTH both uncover skulls where they're digging) BOOTH: Okay, what the hell's going on here? BRENNAN: (observing skeletons laid out on the ground) Female, approximately 17 to 25 years old, blunt trauma to the skull. Also female, same approximate age, same type of injury. BOOTH: This doesn't fit with Ross. If he killed April, it was a panic murder - personal, not serial. BRENNAN: Both these victims have been dead for at least five years. BOOTH: Maybe more than seven? BRENNAN: Yes. BOOTH: Epps. It was Epps. He snatched April from the park after she ran from Ross, and brought her here to his killing grounds. BRENNAN: Why did he take her back to the park? BOOTH: He watched them have s*x; he saw them argue. Epps knew suspicions would fall on Ross, and he took her back. BRENNAN: And stole her car. BOOTH: We got played. BRENNAN: What? How? BOOTH: Either way, Epps wins. We find Ross, the execution is stopped. We find these bodies... BRENNAN: The execution is stayed until these murders are investigated. BOOTH: If I don't make this call, he's gonna be dead in half an hour. BRENNAN: But these women, they deserve to be heard. It's what we do, Booth. The rest... BOOTH: Lawyers. BRENNAN. Lawyers. BOOTH: (on cell phone) Amy, it's Booth. I think we got you your stay of execution, but you're not gonna like it much. (INT: Prison, visitation room) EPPS: Thank you. All I can say is thank you. BOOTH: What's that, Howie? Practising to get jury sympathy? EPPS: I did not kill anyone. (sits down across from BRENNAN) Thank you. I mean it. BRENNAN: We found the tyre iron. You'll be found guilty of these murders. EPPS: Well, I need a good lawyer. These murder investigations take a long time. Then there's the appeals. And since I should have been dead half an hour ago, it's all gravy from now on. AMY: We gave him everything he wanted. EPPS: Who knows if there'll even be a death penalty then? I mean, that's your dream, isn't it? We want the same things from life. (AMY leaves the room) EPPS: And I owe you too. I read your book. When I read you were working with Booth here, I knew you were just what I needed. (EPPS reaches for BRENNAN'S hand; she slams his wrist down on the table, breaking it.) BRENNAN: You gonna arrest me for assault? BOOTH: From what I saw, purely self defence. BRENNAN: Maybe I shouldn't carry a gun after all. BOOTH: Hell, you can have mine. (INT: Sid's) SID: What's the matter with you two? BOOTH: Bad day at work. SID: Well that's what you get for working on weekends. You ever hear about taking some time off, having a little fun? BRENNAN: Why, what'd you do? SID: I'd be breaking about six different laws if I just told you how I manoeuvred on my Saturday nights. But I will bring you some food. BRENNAN: I'm not hungry. BOOTH: No use arguing with Sid, Bones. BRENNAN: Are you in trouble with your boss? BOOTH: I'm sorry for wrecking your weekend for nothing. BRENNAN: No, not for nothing. BOOTH: Come on, you know what I mean. You know, all that running around, it didn't change anything. Epps was guilty. He was always guilty. BRENNAN: There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being. BOOTH: Very poetic. BRENNAN: No, very literal. We all share DNA. When I look at a bone, it's not some artefact that I can separate from myself. It's a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don't care who it is. What? What? BOOTH: You know, you've been practising your Nobel prize speech just a little too much. SID: Scallops in Szechwan sauce, duck fried rice. WAITRESS: Here you go. SID: Apple pie, hot cup of joe. To simple pleasures, my friends. Simple pleasures. (They toast) (CREDITS)

Condemned man Howard Epps is scheduled to be executed by lethal injection in 32 hours for the murder of 17-year-old April Wright. Epps' attorney, Amy Morton, makes a last-minute appeal to Booth, the man who arrested Epps, to re-examine the case. Booth believes Epps is guilty, but acknowledges that the case had a few loose ends. He asks Dr. Temperance Brennan and her team of squints to review the evidence and confirm Epps' guilt. But when Brennan finds forensic anomalies in the case, and Booth turns up evidence that another man was with April Wright the night she died, they must race against the clock to stay the execution.

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fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x23_0

FLASH IN. [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] INTERCUT WITH: [INT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - NIGHT] (We see the blurry figures of Trip Wilmont and Paula Levine kissing passionately.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [INT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - NIGHT] (Clothes are rapidly being removed.) [EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - PATH TO DORM - NIGHT] (Camera follows several college kids walking toward the dorm. Camera rises to show the two figures in Trip Wilmont's window.) [INT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - NIGHT] (Trip Wilmont and Paula Levine kiss passionately.) [EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - PATH TO DORM - NIGHT] (Camera rises up closer to the two figures in Trip Wilmont's window.) [INT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - NIGHT] (Paula Levine removes her slippers. She and Trip Wilmont continue to kiss. More clothes are being removed and dropped on the floor where they stand.) (Trip opens a sleeping bag on the floor. He and Paula lie on it and continue kissing. In the foreground, lit candles on the dresser burn. Trip removes Paula's bra and they continue to kiss.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - PATH TO DORM - MORNING] (Police cars are parked in the front. Camera pulls back to the dorm front where Brass shows Grissom, Greg and Sara into the building.) Brass: Freshman dorm, coed. Two DB's on the third floor -- Trip Wilmont and Paula Levine. Both 18. [INT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - HALLWAY - MORNING] (Brass, Grissom, Sara and Greg continue through the corridor to Trip Wilmont's room.) Greg: Hey, Grissom, when you went to college did you live in the dorms? Grissom: Surely, you jest. (Sara laughs.) Sara: You know, they say a B.A. is worth a million dollars in extra income over a lifetime. Grissom: Yeah, but the present value of college tuition is about the same amount. Greg: So you're saying college isn't worth the expense? Grissom: I guess it depends on what you learn. Brass: So this is Trip's dorm room. When he missed a big b-ball game this afternoon, his coach called his R.A. His R.A. got the kid next door to jimmy the lock [INT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - MORNING] (The officer standing at the door opens the dorm room.) Brass: (o.s.) Paramedics pronounced and took off. The coroner's en route. (Brass stops just outside the dorm room to let Grissom, Sara and Greg inside.) (On the floor next to the bed are the two bodies. Sara looks around the room. She notes the stereo system, beer bottles and candles.) Sara: Music, alcohol, candles. Kid was a regular Romeo. Grissom: "For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo" (Greg appears between Grissom and Sara holding the open condom wrapper.) Greg: Condom wrapper. (He looks at them and shows it to them.) Grissom: So much for safe s*x. SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS (STOCK) - DAY] David Phillips: (V.O.) Sara, do me a favor and open the window, please. [EXT. COLLEGE DORM - WINDOW -- DAY] (Through the window, we see David Phillips and Grissom standing in the dorm room.) Sara: Sure. (Sara walks over to the window and opens it.) Sara: You feeling okay, David? David Phillips: Yeah. [INT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - MORNING] (David Phillips shines his flashlight on the dead bodies to look at their skin color.) David Phillips: Take a look at the skin coloration on both victims. (David Phillips kneels down for a closer look.) Their bodies are slightly pink. (Grissom lingers in the doorway.) Grissom: And you're thinking "pink" skin tones are a common effect of carbon monoxide fumes. (David Phillips looks back at Grissom and nods. Greg is kneeling near the bodies.) Greg: (points) That vomit's also consistent with exposure to C.O. (Grissom notes the vomit on the rug.) Grissom: We'll need a sample of that vomit. (Greg reaches over to get a vomit sample.) (Grissom's phone rings; he answers it.) (Greg collects a vomit sample and puts it in a sample container.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. Okay, I'll be right there. (He hangs up.) My testimony's up in the Hoyt case. I gotta go. I see no common source for C.O., so you'll have to use the detector. (to Sara) You're running point. (Sara smiles as Grissom turns to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COLLEGE DORM - HALLWAY - MORNING] (The coroners wheel the gurney down the hallway. At the end of the hallway, Brass interviews Susan, the R.A., and Zack Capola.) Susan: I knew something was wrong. Trip lived for basketball, and it was the semis, so there's no way he'd miss a game. Zack Capola: Yeah, I saw Susan banging on his door, so I used my pocketknife to jam it open. Brass: Had you done that before? Zack Capola: Yeah. All the time. Whenever Trip would get drunk and lock himself out, he would bang on my door. Brass: So you and trip were friends? Zack Capola: Me and Trip? Brass: (nods) Mm-hmm. Zack Capola: No. I'm not really the type of guy that Trip Wilmont would hang out with. Brass: BRASS: So I guess that's a no? Zack Capola: Yeah. But we had Spanish 102 together. Sometimes he'd roll over to my dorm, and I'd help him with his homework. Brass: Did you help him, or did you do it for him? Look, it's not the Spanish Inquisition. Zack Capola: For a jock, it could have been a lot worse but, no, we weren't friends. Brass: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - MORNING] (Greg dusts the door handle for prints while Sara is in the back of the room near the window checking the carbon monoxide levels. She kneels down on the floor checking the levels near the floor. Greg takes out the ALS and checks the door handle for body fluids. Sara's hand-held device reads '0'.) Sara: No trace of carbon monoxide. (Greg finds something on the door handle.) Greg: There's a trace of semen on the door handle. [EXT. TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM - HALLWAY - MORNING -- CONTINUOUS] (Greg steps out of the room to the next-door neighbor's and finds body fluids there, too.) Greg: This one, too. (Sara steps out of the room. Greg removes his goggles and looks at her.) Greg: Trophy condoms. Sara: Trophy condoms? Greg: When a stud scores, he announces his victory by putting his spoils on his neighbor's doorknob. Sara: Oh. Well, my bet is Trip scored a lot. (Suddenly, there's an explosion and a scream.) (Sara and Greg look at each other.) [INT. CAMPUS DORM - BATHROOM - MORNING -- CONTINUOUS] (Sara and Greg walk into the bathroom.) Sara: Everyone okay? (There's a commotion in the bathroom. Someone reaches for his bathrobe while a boy and a girl stand in front of the stall. There's water all on the floor and bits of porcelain on the floor. We hear gushing water coming form the stall.) Sara: Excuse me. (The kids move aside. Greg steps into the stall and turns the water off. Sara can't help by chuckle.) Greg: Spontaneous toilet combustion? Sara: (laughs) Or a college prank. Greg: You think this has anything to do with the case? Sara: Twenty feet away from two dead kids. We got to check it out. Guess you should, uh ... start processing. (Sara turns and leaves Greg in the stall. Greg rolls his eyes and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Det. Vartann walks through the hallway. He looks in the break room and doesn't see anyone. He turns and continues his search down the hallway. He looks in the next office and finds it empty as well.) (Det. Vartann turns and continues down the hallway. He sees Conrad Ecklie reading a file and walking through the hallway toward him.) Det. Vartann: Conrad. Conrad Ecklie: Hey, detective. Det. Vartann: Homicide called you guys over an hour ago. 4-19 at the Tangiers. No one's responded. Not even the coroner. (Ecklie stops in front of the reception desk to check his messages.) Conrad Ecklie: Have you tried Grissom or Catherine? Det. Vartann: Catherine's on a case, I think. Grissom ... Conrad Ecklie: Oh, that's right. Grissom's in court. Det. Vartann: Oh. And Sofia's still on her task force leave. Both shifts are tapped. Conrad Ecklie: Did you check ... ? Det. Vartann: I checked the board. No one's available ... (Ecklie shakes his head absently, his back to Vartann so he doesn't see the light in Vartann's eyes.) Det. Vartann: ... except for you. (Ecklie turns and looks at Vartann. Vartann shrugs.) Conrad Ecklie: I'm the Assistant Lab Director. Det. Vartann: I know. But you're still qualified to process a scene, right? Conrad Ecklie: Yes, I am. (Vartann nods.) I'll dust off my kit. (Ecklie tosses his messages back on the reception counter, picks up his book and looks at Vartann.) Det. Vartann: Meet you there. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins stands between the two tables with the bodies on it. Sara knocks on the door lightly before entering.) Sara: Hey, doc. Robbins: Two dead bodies. Both were in perfect health. Sara: I am so hoping that you have more in your report than that. Robbins: There are two toxins which can turn a body pink postmortem. Sara: We already ruled out carbon monoxide. Robbins: Which leaves one -- cyanide ingestion. Interesting fact about cyanide -- not everyone can smell it. Sara: Right. It's a genetic quirk. Robbins: Unfortunately, I don't have that ability. (The doors open. Hodges enters as Sara turns around to look at him.) Hodges: "The nose" has arrived. Sara: Hodges has the genetic quirk? (Robbins nods.) Hodges: It's a blessing and a curse. (Hodges walks into the room. Robbins points to the table with the sample contents.) Robbins: Stomach contents of both decedents. Hodges, start your sniffer. (Hodges picks up the first container and sniffs it. He puts it down and picks up the second container and sniffs that as well. Robbins and Sara look at each other as they wait for Hodges' verdict.) Hodges: Hints of stale beer and ... cheese whiz. But I don't smell any cyanide. Robbins: Thank you. Hodges: Anytime. (Hodges puts the container down, turns and heads for the door.) Sara: Well, all due respect to "the nose," I would still like to send a sample of blood to tox. Robbins: It's already done. Sara: Is there anything else? Robbins: Nothing on or in the body indicates cause of death. Nothing consistent with homicide whatsoever. Sara: Two college kids die under mysterious circumstances. Let's treat this as a homicide till we know otherwise. (Robbins nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. PARKING GARAGE -- DAY] (OFF ECKLIE: Ecklie steps out of the vehicle. In front of him past the crime scene tape, Det. Vartann stands with the body and an officer.) Det. Vartann: (to the officer) Finally. Yeah, well three hours. All right. Thanks. (Ecklie ducks under the crime scene tape and heads over to Vartann.) Det. Vartann: Crime scene's getting cold. Conrad Ecklie: Had to refill my powders. (Ecklie looks at the body and puts his kit down. Vartann fills him in.) Det. Vartann: I found a rental car agreement in the glove box. James Billmeyer. New Jersey. He's not registered at the hotel. Probably stopped by to lose a few bucks. Conrad Ecklie: Did the coroner step in the blood? (Ecklie snaps a couple of photos of the bloodied prints leading away from the body.) Det. Vartann: No. We're still waiting on him. That shoe print belongs to Mrs. Vivoldi. (Ecklie looks up at the woman talking with the officer.) She called it in. We been waiting on you to take her statement. Conrad Ecklie: Let's do it. Det. Vartann: Yes, let's do it. (Vartann turns and heads over to Mrs. Vivoldi. An officer holds the crime scene tape up for him and Ecklie.) Det. Vartann: Thanks. (The officer talking with Mrs. Vivoldi steps away. Det. Vartann and Ecklie interview Mrs. Vivoldi.) Det. Vartann: Ma'am, sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Detective Vartann. This is Conrad Ecklie from the crime lab. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions? Mrs. Vivoldi: I'd mind if you didn't. I am the one who found the body. (Det. Vartann and Ecklie nod and smile.) Det. Vartann: Yes. At the time, were you walking to or from the hotel? Mrs. Vivoldi: I'd had just finished lunch with the girls. We say "girls," but we're, you know, women. I don't find being called a "girl" derogatory. Det. Vartann: That's good. To or from? Mrs. Vivoldi: I was walking to the car. (She points to her car. Vartann turns to look.) The SUV? A gift from Oscar. Thirty years with the same man. Conrad Ecklie: Congratulations. Mrs. Vivoldi: Thank you. Are you married? Conrad Ecklie: Divorced. Mrs. Vivoldi: Oh. And you? (She looks at Vartann.) Det. Vartann: (squirms) Uh ... ma'am, so you were walking to your car ... Mrs. Vivoldi: Walking to the car, and I think I stepped into gum or something ... (Quick flashback to: Mrs. Vivoldi walks and steps in the blood. She looks down and screams when she sees the body.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Ecklie looks down and notes the blood on Mrs. Vivoldi's shoes.) Mrs. Vivoldi: That's when I called 911. (pointedly at them as she checks her watch) Which was about, um ... two hours ago. (Vartann looks around. Ecklie shakes his head and apologizes.) Conrad Ecklie: I'm sorry, ma'am. We've been very busy. Mrs. Vivoldi: Oh. Conrad Ecklie: I'm going to need your shoes. We'll get them back to you. Even wash off the blood. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Sara interviews Mrs. Levine, Paula's mother, and Tripp Wilmont's parents.) Mrs. Levine: (crying) I just talked to Paula yesterday afternoon. She was on her way to the library. She had a biology final this morning. She shouldn't have been in a boy's room. Mrs. Wilmont: None of this makes any sense. Trip was a serious athlete. He would never sleep around the night before ... Mrs. Levine: (offended) Sleep around? Mr. Wilmont: It's not like your daughter was Trip's girlfriend. Mrs. Levine: Ms. Sidle ... I need to know. Did trip take advantage ... ? Did he ... force himself on Paula? Mrs. Wilmont: (interrupts) My son would never force himself on anyone. Mr. Wilmont: Trip could have any girl he wanted. Sara: Mrs. Levine, the coroner found no evidence of assault. Did Paula ever mention Trip to you? Mrs. Levine: No. I know she liked a boy on the basketball team. I never knew his name. I guess it was Trip. Mrs. Wilmont: I just want to know what happened to them. Sara: So do I. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. FIELD -- DAY] (Catherine and Warrick shut the vehicle door. David Phillips is standing near the body writing on the clipboard.) (They head over to David Phillips, who is standing in the middle of the tall, grassy field.) Warrick: This land used to be part of the Bennett estate. Catherine: Bill Bennett? Guy who owns the Sahara? Warrick: Yeah. Huh. We used to come out here when we were in high school. Used to be, like, a seven-acre lover's lane. Catherine: I thought you said you were a dork in high school. Warrick: I was a dork in high school. I'm still a dork, but I had dimples. I got a little action. Catherine: I don't doubt that. Hey, Dave. David Phillips: Oh, hello. The path to the body was made by the paramedics. They pronounced and took off. ID'ed has Kevin Staniland, age 30 from Reno. I figured before I processed the body, you'd want to photograph the crop circle. Warrick: Crop circle? David Phillips: Well, it's a circle in the middle of a field. What would you call it? Warrick: I guess it's a crop circle. (They head toward the body.) Warrick: The guy has a blindfold on. Catherine: Pin the tail on the donkey gone wrong? (Catherine snaps a couple of photos as David turns the body over.) David Phillips: Lividity is fixed. Warrick: Lividity's fixed? So this wasn't a body dump? He died there? Catherine: (looking around) The only pathway is from the paramedics. How'd he end up in the middle of the circle? (David looks up at the sky.) David Phillips: I have an idea. (Warrick glances up.) David Phillips: I'll keep it to myself. (Catherine smiles as David leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAMPUS DORM - BATHROOM -- DAY] (Greg works on swabbing the toilet porcelain pieces on a table in the bathroom. Sara walks in.) Sara: Hey. How's it going? Greg: I swabbed every square inch of this toilet. So far, no evidence of explosive powders or a detonation device. Sara: Well, I spoke with maintenance. It is an isolated incident. There are no other reports of exploding johns. How about methane gas? Maybe there's a natural reserve under the dorm. Greg: Theoretically, pressure could have built up, broken a sewer pipe and shot up through the toilet. Sara: (shrugs) Yeah. Greg: I already checked. There's no methane gas in this region of Clare County. Sara: Well, there's got to be some logical explanation. Greg: Well, if dorm food is as bad as I can remember, we should consider explosive diarrhea. (Sara can't help but smile at that.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (David Phillips snaps photos of the body. Nick and Warrick walk into the room.) Nick: Crop circles? (Nick laughs.) Nick: Come on, Super Dave. Wasn't the alien autopsy embarrassing enough? (Nick leans forward and looks at the body.) David Phillips: Given the circumstances, alien was not an unreasonable conclusion at the time. Nick: You need to get a girlfriend. David Phillips: I'm engaged, but thank you. Could you just check out his pants? There's grass stains on his knees. Nick walks over and checks the victim's clothes.) Warrick: That's odd, because the grass around the victim was undisturbed. (Nick notices a smell from the victim's underpants.) David Phillips: His tighty whiteys were soaked in urine. Don't know if it's pre- or post-mortem. (Warrick glances down at the body and notices a white worm wiggling out of the victim's mouth.) Warrick: Oh! Now, that's alien. What is that? David Phillips: I've got to document this. (David grabs the camera and starts snapping photos of the white worm.) Nick: Oh, hang on. We have ourselves a tapeworm, gentlemen. (David stops snapping photos. Nick uses a forceps and pulls the tapeworm out.) Nick: This guy's been eating meat or fish infected with tapeworm cyst. (Quick CGI POV of: An open mouth. Some meat or fish is fed into the mouth and is swallowed down the esophagus. The food lands in the stomach.) (A tiny CGI tapeworm cyst goes through the stomach.) Warrick: (V.O.) Yeah, that cyst grows up to be nice fat tapeworm that attaches itself to the intestinal wall and sucks out all your nutrients. (A close-up of the tapeworm as it attaches itself into the intestinal wall.) (The CGI tapeworm grows.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Yeah, and since this guy's already dead, the tapeworm needs to find a new host. Only two ways out. Warrick: I'm glad it picked the mouth. (They all chuckle.) Warrick: Well, the tapeworm could have made the guy sick, but it didn't kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY] (Sara enters the lab. Mia looks up.) Sara: Hello. Mia Dickerson: Hey. Want to talk about semen? Sara: Okay. (Mia hands Sara the file folder.) Sara: Okey-dokey. Mia Dickerson: The semen on the vic's doorknob and the neighbor's doorknob is consistent with Trip's DNA. So, what I'm thinking is that Trip put a trophy condom onto his neighbor's door and then transferred a trace of his reproductive material back onto his own doorknob. (Quick flash of: Trip puts the condom on his neighbor's doorknob. He chuckles and heads back to his room.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: You've, uh, you've heard of trophy condoms? Mia Dickerson: (chuckles) Sara, I went to college. (Greg walks into the lab.) Greg: Ladies, I just spoke with Western LVU's student affairs officer. Apparently, Trip's next-door neighbor, Zack Capola filed several grievances against him. I'm headed over there now. (Sara heads for the door.) Sara: I'll drive. (Greg follows her.) Greg: (mutters) You always do. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins works on stitching up the body as he talks with Catherine.) Robbins: So, crop circles and tapeworms, you got quite a case. Catherine: Mm. You have C.O.D.? Robbins: I have T.O.D., about midday yesterday. Cause of death less definitive. Cuts and abrasions are superficial. There's no obvious anatomical defect. And at this point, I'm going to have to check the default -- cardiac arrhythmia. Catherine: A young man's heart stops, and you don't know why? Robbins: Tox and vitreous lytes are all normal. That's all you're getting from me. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CAMPUS DORM - ZACK CAPOLA'S ROOM - DAY] (Sara and Greg talk with Trip Wilmont's neighbor, Zack Capola.) Zack Capola: This is bunk. I was told my grievances were confidential. They said my name wasn't even on the form. Sara: Why was confidentiality so important? Zack Capola: Ask him. You look like you were a jock in college. Greg: Me? Sara: Him? Zack Capola: Whatever. Look, if it had gotten around that I had ratted out Trip, the whole basketball team would have come down on me. Sara: You are a straight-A student. We've reviewed your academic records. The distractions must've pissed you off. Greg: You had problems with his loud music, banging on the wall, used condoms hanging on your doorknob. Zack Capola: A handful of used condoms would have pissed you off, too. Look, what are you getting at? Greg: We're trying to figure out what happened to Trip and Paula. Earlier you said he wasn't such a bad guy. Zack Capola: Because I didn't see a need to badmouth the dead. But you want the truth, he was an ass, okay? (Greg turns and looks at Sara.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- MORGUE -- DAY] (The door opens and Robbins walks in. He finds Conrad Ecklie inside.) Robbins: Well, Conrad, can I help you? Conrad Ecklie: Where have you been? Robbins: I posted three bodies and then I took a time-out. Conrad Ecklie: A time-out? Robbins: A personal hour. A few weeks ago, my Siamese had kittens. I went by the house to check on 'em. They're just about weaned. You want one? Conrad Ecklie: I'm allergic. So tell me about James Billmeyer. Guy found at the Tangiers. Robbins: I'm just about to post him. Per my prelim, there was an abraded laceration to the right occipital scalp, and a penetration of the epithelium, but not the galea. It's not what killed him, but I'll know the full story once I open him up. (Robbins opens the morgue cabinet to get the body and finds that it's empty.) Robbins: I saw David put him in here. Conrad Ecklie: So where is he? Robbins: I'm not sure. (Robbin pushes Ecklie aside and checks the cabinet next to the empty cabinet.) Conrad Ecklie: Maybe he's taking a time-out. (Nope, there's a body in there.) Conrad Ecklie: Maybe David probably moved him. Robbins: He had no reason to. (Robbins opens a third drawer and finds a body in that one, too.) Conrad Ecklie: A few years back, a body was prematurely sent to a mortician. Remember that? (Robbins shuts the cabinet and checks the cabinet above. It's empty.) Robbins: This is weird. Conrad Ecklie: Maybe someone in your department mislabeled the corpse? Robbins: It's highly unlikely. Conrad Ecklie: Fine. When you find him, get back to me. (Ecklie turns and leaves.) (Robbins shuts the cabinet door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE ECKLIE'S OFFICE] (David waits nervously in the hallway outside of Ecklie's office. Through the door, he hears Dr. Robbins' muffled, angry voice.) (The door opens and Dr. Robbins steps out. He walks past David.) (David enters the office.) [INT. CSI - ECKLIE'S OFFICE - DAY] (Conrad Ecklie sits behind his desk. David shuts the door behind him. He stands in front of Ecklie's desk. Ecklie does some paperwork. David waits.) David Phillips: Sir? Conrad Ecklie: We have a situation. David Phillips: I know. A body disappeared. Conrad Ecklie: No, no. Mr. Billmeyer didn't disappear. He's missing. There's a difference. David Phillips: Sir, this isn't my fault. Conrad Ecklie: You prepped him for autopsy, right? David Phillips: Yes, sir. Conrad Ecklie: Walk me through that. David Phillips: Walk you through what? Conrad Ecklie: Everything you did to Mr. Billmeyer. David Phillips: Okay, um, I brought him into the washroom ... (Quick flashback of a visual of David's narrative. David is snapping photos of the body ... ) David Phillips: (V.O.) I photographed the body, took hair and fingernail cuttings, emptied his pockets, removed clothing, washed his body, tagged him. I put him into the cooler and ... (David pushes the body in the cabinet.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) David Phillips: I haven't seen him since. (Ecklie stares at David.) David Phillips: What? Conrad Ecklie: I was just thinking, David. I've lost my keys, sunglasses, even a wallet. David Phillips: (interrupts) Sir, this really isn't my fault. Conrad Ecklie: But I've never lost a body. David Phillips: I didn't do anything. Conrad Ecklie: Find him, Phillips, or this goes on your record. David Phillips: What would you like me to do? Conrad Ecklie: Get out! David Phillips: I don ... Conrad Ecklie: Get out. Out! (David turns and leaves the office. Ecklie sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Doc Robbins is on the phone.) Robbins: (to phone) Six-one, brown hair and eyes, about 200 pounds are you sure? (David steps into the room.) Robbins: (to phone) All right, thanks. (He hangs up.) I've checked every mortuary and funeral home in the city, no luck. David Phillips: Right, 'cause you never authorized a transfer. Robbins: David, are you familiar with the Latin word necrostuprum? David Phillips: Body snatcher? (Robbins nods.) Robbins: We didn't mislabel or misplace the body. Someone took it. David Phillips: If you wanted to steal a body, wouldn't it be a lot easier to go to a hospital or university facility? Robbins: (nods) Absolutely, which means somebody wanted this particular body. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - STAIRS / HALLWAY] (Nick and Catherine walk down the stairs.) Nick: Some of the leading theories on crop circles include extraterrestrials, wind vortexes, earth energies, and of course, hoaxes. But in 1985, farmers near one U.S. military base suspected the source of a recent incident to be the down wash from a helicopter's rotor blades. (Quick flash of: [FIELD - DAY] A helicopter hovers low in a field and starts to rise.) Nick: (V.O.) The spinning of the blades caused the chopper to rise ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: ... forced the air downward, in effect, bending the grass below. Catherine: For every action, there is an opposite but equal reaction. Nick: Since I'm a skeptic when it comes to aliens and earth energies, ooh. So we started with the chopper. (Nick and Catherine step into the A/V lab.) [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine takes the seat next to Archie Johnson.) Catherine: Hey, Archie. Archie Johnson: Oh, hey. (points to the monitors) Nellis sent over the radar surveillance. Current feed goes back 48 hours. This is where your decedent was located. Nick: Decedent's T.O.D. was approximately 12:00 noon, yesterday. Archie Johnson: Using echo and doppler shift we can determine an object's speed. (He manipulates the radar information over Bennett Ranch.) Catherine: Freeze the frame, Archie. Archie Johnson: Found your chopper. It's holding steady. Airplanes can't do that. Catherine: (smiles) Let's see who owns it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (Neil Jansen is in the lab when Sara walks in. She's looking at her pager and is surprised to see Neil Jansen when she looks up.) Sara: Hey, I got your 911. Don't you work days? Neil Jansen: Ecklie keeps moving me around. Your pink college kids were both blotto. Sara: Yeah, there were beer bottles at the scene. That's not a surprise. Neil Jansen: You want a surprise? Check this out. Now, I know you and Greg tested the scene for carbon monoxide, but did you check for carbon dioxide? Sara: No. I've been a CSI eight years. I have never processed a C02 scene. I mean, you'd need a ton of that gas to cause serious damage. Neil Jansen: It's a first for me, too. I found traces of blood in Trip's vomit. C02 levels are usually .03%. His levels were 8%. Lethal. Sara: C02 replaces oxygen on hemoglobin molecules. At 8%, those kids would've literally suffocated on a cellular level. (Neil nods.) Neil Jansen: Still doesn't explain why they were pretty in pink. Carbon dioxide, unlike carbon monoxide, doesn't affect skin coloration. Sara: So what did? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Det. Vartann takes out some of the victim's clothing from the box. He rolls his eyes and looks at Robbins.) Det. Vartann: What are we expecting to find here? Robbins: Someone went to a lot of trouble to steal James Billmeyer ... maybe there's a clue in his personal effects. (Robbins takes out the items from Billmeyer 's travel kit.) Det. Vartann: So you're a CSI now? (Robbins looks at Vartann.) Robbins: If I were, I would have printed the cooler. Det. Vartann: Really? Maybe you should just put together a list of everyone who had access to the morgue. Robbins: Law enforcement personnel, (sighs) CSIs, paramedics, funeral home personnel, maintenance workers, hospital workers, janitors ... people that get lost in the building ... Det. Vartann: Yeah, that sounds good. Robbins: Two pairs of socks, two pairs of underwear, two T-shirts. Det. Vartann: That tells me the guy was going to be staying in Vegas for two days. Robbins: Your powers of deduction are remarkable, detective. Det. Vartann: Thank you. (Robbins takes out a WESTERN AIRLINES cocktail napkin and finds writing on it: JACINDA HENDLER {heart} CALL ME! Robbins: "Jacinda Hendler, call me." Written on an airline napkin. Det. Vartann: Decedent probably met her on the flight, possibly hours before he died. Robbins: (scoffs) You think? (Vartann reaches over and grabs the napkin out from Robbins' grip.) Det. Vartann: I'll run it down. (Vartann turns and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [DMV NEW JERSEY DRIVER'S LICENSE] AUTO OPERATOR LICENSE JAMES BILLMEYER 2371 HANNOVER ST. MORRISTOWN, NJ 07360 [INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Det. Vartann and Conrad Ecklie interview Jacinda Hendler.) Jacinda Hendler: Yeah, I know Jamie. He's a sweet man. He was supposed to call me. What happened to him? Conrad Ecklie: He died. Jacinda Hendler: Oh, I'm sorry. Why'd you contact me? Det. Vartann: Well, your name was in his pocket. Jacinda Hendler: Napkin. We, uh, we met on the plane. (She laughs.) Jacinda Hendler: And, uh, there was only one blanket, so we ... shared it, and I got a little frisky, and ... anyway, there was a kid sitting two seats away, so ... Conrad Ecklie: So you gave him your number ... to meet up later? Jacinda Hendler: Yeah. Det. Vartann: Do you have any idea who may've killed him? Or who might want his body in its current condition? Jacinda Hendler: No. Jamie told me that he-he was flying in to party with some pals from high school in Seven Hills. Said he'd invite me over. Figured he blew me off. It-it happens. I mean ... I have a healthy self-esteem. Conrad Ecklie: Good for you. Jacinda Hendler: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAMPUS DORM - TRIP WILMONT'S ROOM -- DAY] (The officer standing in the hallway outside Trip Wilmont's dorm room opens the door. Sara and Greg duck into the room under the crime scene tape blocking the door.) Sara: (to the officer) Thanks. (Sara sighs. Greg snaps the camera.) Greg: What exactly are we looking for? (Greg puts his kit down on the floor.) Greg: Most sources of carbon dioxide come from ... (looks around) ... factories, cars and volcanoes, not something we're gonna find in a dorm room. (Greg picks up a journal notebook from the side and looks at it.) Sara: Maybe somebody pumped the gas in through a vent. Greg: Uh, s*x journal. (Greg opens to the journal and looks through a couple of pages.) Greg: Lists of girls ... dates ... and sexual activities. (Sara looks around the room.) Sara: Boys and their conquests. Greg: I've never even heard of some of these. Sara: Really? Greg: Never mind. Sara: Would you help me move the bed, please? (Greg puts the journal aside and helps Sara move the bed.) Sara: There's a fresh hole in the wall. Splinters are on the inside. Someone drilled in from the other side. Cue Sound: (PRE-LAP) KNOCKING [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAMPUS DORM -- ZACK CAPOLA'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (The door opens to Sara and Greg.) Zack Capola: Hey. Sara: Hi, Zack. Mind if we come in? Zack Capola: Why? (Sara and Greg walk into the dorm room. On his walls are posters of cars.) Greg: Ah, you're a car buff, huh? Zack Capola: I guess. Greg: Yeah, me, too. I always wanted a Testarossa. What about you, what's your dream car? (Sara moves Zack's bed and finds the hole in the wall.) Zack Capola: Uh, I don't know. Sara: Zack, can you explain this hole in your wall? Zack Capola: I didn't even know there was one. (Zack walks in closer to look at it. He sighs.) Sara: I think maybe we should step outside. Your room is now a crime scene. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HELICOPTER TOURS -- DAY] (Close up of the banner sign: LAS VEGAS HELICOPTER TOURS CALL: 702-555-0101 (In the background, a helicopter lands. Warrick and Catherine get out of their SUV and head over to the helicopter. The pilot steps out of the helicopter and walks over to them.) Catherine: Are you Morgan Wendel? Morgan Wendel: Yeah. Warrick: We're from the crime lab. We have information that put your chopper at a crime scene yesterday, around noon. Morgan Wendel: You're here about Kevin. Catherine: That's right, yeah. Morgan Wendel: I'll tell you everything, but I want immunity. [SCENE_BREAK] [MONITOR] (The host talks into a microphone. Kevin Staniland is sitting next to him wearing a blindfold.) Host (man): All right, Kevin! Kevin Staniland: Yeah! Whoo! Host (man): I want you to prepare to jump! Kevin Staniland: Without a parachute? (The host nods.) That's my stunt?! No way! [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine and Nick are in the interview room with Host (man): (from monitor) Dude, the name of the show is "Going All the Way." You signed a contract. Now, do it! (Kevin is shaking his head.) Kevin Staniland: Jumping out of chopper's not going all the way -- it's suicide! Host (man): Listen, man, you don't have a choice, Kevin. You already ate raw meat, you stuck your face in a beehive. You don't go all the way, you don't get nothing! Come on, Kevin! Kevin Staniland: No! (The host laughs.) Kevin Staniland: What are you doing?! Host (man): Wait a minute, wait a minute. Dude, dude, check this out, get a shot of this. (The host pulls Kevin toward him while looking at the cameraman.) Host (man): Get his crotch. Get his crotch. Come here. (The camera goes down for a shot of Kevin's pants.) Host (man): Our first contestant peed his pants. (The host gets into the camera.) Host (man): (shouts) Re-a-li-ty! Come on, let go! You can't fake this. (He turns to Kevin.) Host (man): Now, Kevin ... go, baby! (He pushes Kevin out of the helicopter.) (Kevin screams. The host laughs.) Host (man): (to the camera) Keep going, keep going. But here's the thing. We're only four feet up. Joke's on him. Let's check it out. (He motions out the helicopter door.) Host (man): (shouts) Kevin! Kevin! (Camera shows Kevin on the ground. He's not moving.) Host (man): (o.s.) He's not moving. (The host looks at the camera and motions.) Host (man): Turn off the camera. Turn off the camera! Turn ... (Catherine and Nick talk with the host and his lawyer.) Catherine: Kevin thought that he was being pushed out of a helicopter a thousand feet in the air, but ... (Quick flash of: [HELICOPTER] The host yells as he pushes Kevin out of the door.) Host (man): (shouts) See you later, Kevin! (Kevin falls to the ground.) (The helicopter, #N388, hovers over the ground.) Host (man): (yells) Hey, Kevin? (The host looks out at Kevin on the ground.) Host (man): He's not moving. (The host jumps out of the helicopter to check on Kevin and realizes that he's dead. He heads back into the helicopter.) Host (man): Come on, let's get out of here! (The host jumps into the helicopter. The helicopter leaves.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Lawyer: Did you have a warrant for that tape? Catherine: The pilot gave us the name of the cameraman, who supplied the tape voluntarily. Host (man): Look, I assured Kevin all our stunts were safe. And they were. Besides, he signed a waiver; I'm not guilty of anything. Catherine: When you saw that he wasn't moving, you just took off. That sounds like guilt to me. Nick: You scared him to death. He had a heart attack. So the signing of a waiver doesn't make it any less criminal. Catherine: When the jury sees that tape, you'll be going all the way ... to jail. Second-degree murder. Twenty-five to life. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT -- FRONT -- DAY] (Conrad Ecklie gets out of his car. He turns the alarm on and heads over to the crime scene.) Conrad Ecklie: I hope this is a fire drill. (He walks under the crime scene tape toward the bench on the grass. Robbins is standing in front of the bench examining the body.) Robbins: Conrad. We found our body. (Sure enough. On the bench is the missing James Billmeyer wearing a party hat and a cigar stuck in his mouth.) (Ecklie looks at the body.) Conrad Ecklie: Looks more like he found us. (Robbins turns and looks at Ecklie.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT -- FRONT -- DAY] (Ecklie snaps a couple of photos of the body. He turns to Robbins.) Conrad Ecklie: Doc, I want you to process the body ASAP. Robbins: Yeah, Conrad, I'll get right on it. (David Phillips is standing and looking at the body sitting on the bench.) David Phillips: Ah, yes-- the guy we left on the bench. (David turns to leave. Robbins follows him.) Robbins: (scoffs) Right. (Ecklie reaches for an evidence bag. Behind him, Grissom walks by. He's dressed in a suit.) Grissom: Hello, Conrad. Conrad Ecklie: I thought you were in court. Grissom: We had a one-hour recess -- I'm on my way back now. And this must be Mr. Billmeyer. I'm so glad he's back. Conrad Ecklie: Very funny. Grissom: You might want to have Hodges analyze that cigar. Oh, and the print tech is free. He could, uh, spray the party hat with ninhydrin. Conrad Ecklie: I think I remember how to do my job, Gil, thank you. Grissom: I love it when you wear your gloves. (Grissom leaves.) (The body on the bench tilts to the right and slowly falls sideways on the bench.) (Ecklie looks at it and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAMPUS DORM - ZACK CAPOLA'S ROOM -- DAY] (Zack Capola talks with Sara and Greg.) Zack Capola: I swear, I don't know how that hole got there. And if you think that I had anything to do with Trip's death, you're wrong. I was in L.A. for four days. I had just gotten back, and I saw Susan banging on his door. (Quick flash to: [HALLWAY] Susan knocks on the door just as Zack walks down the hallway toward his room.) Susan: Trip, are you in there? Open up. If you can hear me, open the door. Please? Zack Capola: Hey, are you all right? Susan: Yeah, Trip missed a game. I thought something's wrong. (Zack drops his duffle bag on the floor and knocks on the door.) Zack Capola: Trip? (He takes out a pocket knife.) Zack Capola: Hey, man, we're coming in. (Zack pops the lock on t he door. The door opens.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Can anyone verify that you were in L.A.? Zack Capola: The whole dorm can verify it. I was visiting my boyfriend. It was his birthday. We went to the auto show. Greg: Does anyone else have access to your room? Zack Capola: No, I've got the only key, but like I said, it's easy enough to break in. (Sara notices the burn on Zack's finger.) Sara: What happened to your finger? Zack Capola: I'm not sure. I had just gotten back from my trip, and I saw something on the floor, so I picked it up. It kind of burned me or something. Sara: And that didn't seem weird to you? Zack Capola: I'm in college. A lot of things seem weird to me. (Sara smiles.) Sara: Okay. This thing ... that burned your finger, where is it now? Zack Capola: I tossed it. (Sara looks at Greg.) Greg: Excuse me. (Greg ducks under the crime scene tape and enters the room. He heads over to the trash bin and checks it.) Greg: I don't see anything but a couple pieces of balled up paper and a soda can. Nothing incendiary. Zack Capola: It was there. I don't know what to tell you, man. Sara: All right, Zack, we are not going to take you into custody, but we are going to need access to your room for the rest of the day. Zack Capola: Okay. I'm late for ancient history. Can I go? Sara: Sure. (Sara points to the officer standing in the hallway.) And this, uh, this nice officer ... he's gonna be your "study buddy." Zack Capola: Thanks. (Zack leaves with the officer right behind him.) Greg: Well, what are you thinking? Sara: Name a chemical compound that can burn skin and can also disappear into thin air. Greg: The only thing I can think of is dry ice. Sara: And dry ice releases carbon dioxide as it sublimates. Greg: Yeah, but can you put enough dry ice in Zack's room to raise the amount of carbon dioxide in Trip's room to a lethal level? Sara: Is that a dare? [SCENE_BREAK] [THE DARE] (Sara, wearing a mask, opens the cooler and starts stacking the blocks of dry ice against the wall between Zack and Trip's rooms.) (In Trip's room, Greg is wearing a mask and holding the monitor as he checks the CO2 levels in the room.) (TOP VIEW DOWN: Sara continues to stack the dry ice against the wall.) (Camera pans over the separating wall into Trip's room as Greg monitors the CO2 levels. The monitor changes from 1.1 to 1.2.) Greg: Level's only 1.2. We need more dry ice. (Sara continues to stack the dry ice against the wall.) (The monitor changes from 4.9 to 5.0 to 5.1.) (Camera pans back into Zack's room where Sara continues to stack the dry ice.) (Back in Trip's room, the monitor is up from 7.9 to 8.0) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAMPUS DORM - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara and Greg step out of the rooms.) Sara: It took thirty pounds of dry ice to reach the lethal level of saturation. Bill: On the floor, where the sleeping bag was. Sara: Carbon dioxide is one and half times heavier than air. You know, it's conceivable that if Trip and Paula had been sleeping in his bed, they might still be alive. Greg: I think I know why the bodies turned pink. Sara: Really? Greg: Dry ice is cold. The dry ice significantly lowered the temperature in both rooms, and the drastic decrease in temperature can turn a dead body pink. We see it all the time when we pull dead bodies from frozen rivers. Sara: (nods) Nice, Greg. You know, if Zachary is telling the truth, and he simply burned his finger on a remnant of dry ice, who put it there? Greg: I'll have P.D. run a credit card check on everyone in the dorm, see if anyone recently purchased a large quantity of dry ice. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins goes over the body with Ecklie.) Robbins: Your decedent smells like a pine tree. Conrad Ecklie: Whoever stole him probably sprayed his body with disinfectant to cover up the stench. You got cause of death? Robbins: Yeah, he died of a heavy heart. Heart weighed 50 grams instead of 300. Hypertensive cardiovascular disease. Conrad Ecklie: So his heart stopped, he keeled over, hit his head on the pavement. (Quick flashback to: [PARKING GARAGE - DAY] James Billmeyer gets out of his car, collapses and hits his head on the concrete.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Conrad Ecklie: Do you think he was aware of his condition? Robbins: Oh, I know he was. I sent blood to tox ; he was taking atenolol. A heart that size, he was a walking time bomb. Conrad Ecklie: Anything else? Robbins: Yup, our guy chugged a beer, after he died. Lungs were full of foam. Conrad Ecklie: So somebody poured it down his throat? Robbins: Wouldn't be my postmortem beverage of choice, but to each his own. So did you get any prints off that cooler drawer? Conrad Ecklie: Three. Two were yours, one was David's. See you later. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (Neil hooks up the party hat in the fumer and shakes the spray can. He sprays the party hat. He closes the fume hood and waits.) (Time lapses and pink fingerprints appear on the party hat.) [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY] (Hodges takes a sample of the burned tobacco straight off the tip of the burning cigar. He puts the ashes in a tube and tests it.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY] (Conrad Ecklie walks into the lab.) Conrad Ecklie: Anything? Hodges: Just so you know, I moved all your trace evidence up to the top of my pile. Conrad Ecklie: Well, thank you. Why don't you quit blowing smoke and tell me about the cigar? Hodges: Huh. Low in nicotine, high in furfural. I compared it to other tobacco samples from the exemplar collection. It's consistent with the Perdomo Reserve brand. I took the liberty of calling a cigar society. They referred me to the Vegas distributor. Spoke to him directly. Perdomos are very high-end. (Neil walks into the lab.) He only made one sale this past month. It was to a guy in Seven Hills. (Neil scrunches his face at the smell in the lab.) Neil Jansen: Smells like my grandfather. Am I interrupting? Hodges: Actually, yeah. Conrad was about to pat me on the back. (Ecklie smiles.) Conrad Ecklie: What do you got for me, Neil? Neil Jansen: Lifted four clear prints from the party hat. They all came back to Preston Hayburn, from Henderson. (Hodges quickly looks down at his results.) Neil Jansen: He's a paramedic. Would've had access to the morgue. Conrad Ecklie: Good work, Neil. Good work. (Hodges holds out a sheet of paper to Ecklie.) Hodges: I have a number. Neil Jansen: Oh, me, too. (Neil hands Ecklie his own sheet. Ecklie looks at it. It reads: HAYBURN, PRESTON Re: qhey.es. 190021, 05309258.sjj0987 DATE: 2/2- RESTRICTED - EMPLOYMENT VERIFICATION ATTN: LVPD 189929287873.0919_0199 LVPD - NO CRIMINAL RECORD EMPLOYMENT AMBULANCE EMT 1111 NEVADA ONLY RECORD C11/AD0/198828-91988288377_1290 DOB: 7/19/69 s*x: M RAC/CAUC HGT: 5'10" HAIR: B EYES: B 6622 NELSON DR. HENDERSON, NV Conrad Ecklie: The woman he met on the plane said he was heading to party in Seven Hills. I'll start there and then I'll head to Henderson. Okay? Hodges: Yes. (Ecklie leaves the lab. Both Hodges and Neil are smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Sara and Greg stand in front of a toilet that Greg procured for an experiment. The toilet is in a plexiglass protected area. Surrounding the toilet are stacks of sand bags.) Greg: I found this toilet behind my apartment complex. It's, uh, volunteered for an experiment. Sara: It's moving. Greg: I put dry ice in the bowl. Sara: So you're thinking that the killer might have put his excess dry ice in the dorm toilet. Greg: When the ice was flushed, it would've lodged in the drain trap. As the ice sublimated and gas was released, it would've built up, causing the toilet to explode. Sara: Good theory. (The toilet water starts to bubble. Sara: I spoke with Brass. (Greg motions for them to move further away from the toilet experiment.) Sara: Zack's alibi checks out. He was in L.A. all week. Greg: And, uh, P.D. checked credit card records. No one in that dorm bought dry ice on credit. (They step out of the experiment area. Greg closes the door. He puts his fingers over his ears.) Greg: There's only two retail outlets in twenty miles that sell it, and no one's purchased a large quantity of dry ice in the last few weeks. (The toilet water starts to bubble and shake. Sara and Greg turn to look at the toilet.) (The toilet explodes.) (Sara laughs.) (Greg removes his goggles.) Greg: Well, I think I explained the explode-a-potty. Sara: Greg, maybe the dry ice wasn't purchased. I mean, we are looking at a university. Science department would probably keep the stuff on hand. Science major would have access. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Sara and Greg interview Susan.) Susan: I was his R.A. The guy lived for basketball, beer and girls. Didn't want much to do with dorm activities. Greg: Have you ... seen this before? (Greg takes out Trip's s*x journal.) Susan: No. Greg: Trip kept record of his, uh, relationships with women. Your name is in here. Three times. On, uh, February 2nd, you hooked up for the first time. Looks like second base. On February 9th, you rounded third, and on February 18th, he got a grand slam. Susan: He wrote that down? (Greg sits down.) Susan: We had s*x, I admit it. No big deal. I didn't tell you guys because I'm not exactly proud of it, okay? Sara: Trip and Paula died from carbon dioxide gas. We already know that you have access to dry ice, and as a materials science grad student, you are familiar with the chemical properties. Susan: This is crazy. Sara: Last week, you checked out forty pounds of dry ice from the campus lab. Susan: My thesis is on metallurgy. I use dry ice to test the physical constrains of certain metals. Sara: I also spoke to your advisor, who told me that your experiments require two pounds of dry ice, at most. (Susan doesn't say anything.) Sara: He broke your heart. He led you on, he let you believe it was serious, and after you went all the way, you were history. (Quick flashback to: [TRIP'S ROOM] Susan is in the sleeping bag on the floor. Trip is getting dressed.) Trip Wilmont: Look, this has been a wild ride, but if I gave you the impression that I want a relationship, then, uh ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Susan: I was an idiot. I had been consulting my female advisees not to take that kind of crap. Greg: You knew Zack was in L.A., so you broke into his room during the day and drilled a hole in the wall. (Quick flashback to: [ZACK'S ROOM] The door opens. Susan enters. She pushes the bed away from the wall and takes out a drill.) (She drills a hole in the wall.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Greg: Later that night, you returned. (Quick flashback to: [ZACK'S ROOM] Susan opens Zack's door using a knife to open the lock. She pulls in a blue cooler and starts stacking the blocks of dry ice against the wall.) (When she's done, Susan leaves the room.) (In the next room, Trip and Paula are sleeping on the floor.) Greg: (V.O.) Trip and Paula were asleep, passed out from the alcohol. When the ice evaporated, the gas engulfed the room, killing them. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Susan: I didn't know Paula was there, and I never meant to kill Trip. Greg: So drilling the hole in the wall and leaving the ice behind was an accident? Susan: No, no, look. Trip's room is 16 feet by nine feet. I used exactly the right amount of ice just to make him sick. If he had been in the bed three feet above the ground and not on the floor ... I just wanted him to miss his basketball game. Trip only slept on the floor when he had girls over, and he never had s*x before a big game. He shouldn't have been on the floor. Sara: Your science was perfect; your instincts were not so good. And you miscalculated one huge factor: The s*x drive of a college jock. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SEVEN HILLS (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. JACKSON RESIDENCE -- DAY] (The doorbell rings. Charlie Jackson walks down the stairs.) Charlie Jackson: Who is it? Det. Vartann: (through door) L.V.P.D. Charlie Jackson: Shoot. (Charlie answers the door. Det. Vartann and Conrad Ecklie are on his front porch.) Charlie Jackson: Can I help you? Det. Vartann: Are you Charlie Jackson? Charlie Jackson: Yeah. Det. Vartann: Do you know a James Billmeyer? Charlie Jackson: Yeah, we went to high school together. Det. Vartann: Are you aware that he passed away? Charlie Jackson: Yeah, yeah, it was a big blow; we were close. Conrad Ecklie: You mind if we come in? Charlie Jackson: Yeah, come in. (Ecklie and Det. Vartann step into the house.) (Ecklie looks around at the pocker table, the half-filled beer glasses, party hats and cigars on the table.) Conrad Ecklie: You, uh ... smoke Perdomo Reserve? (Ecklie uses the glove and opens the cigar box.) Charlie Jackson: Yeah, on special occasion. Why? (Ecklie smells a cigar. He turns and looks at Charlie Jackson.) Conrad Ecklie: Do you know a Preston Hayburn? Paramedic from Henderson. Charlie Jackson: Yeah, he, James and I were tight. We went to high school together. What's this about? Det. Vartann: Cut the act, Charlie. We know that Preston had access to the morgue. We believe he stole James Billmeyer's body, maybe brought it here. But what we don't know is why? Charlie Jackson: All right, James was dying. He had a bad heart, everybody knew it, so we flew him out here for one last bash, and Preston got called to the Tangiers and it was Jamie. The poor guy died in the parking lot. Conrad Ecklie: And then what? You decided to throw him a dead man's party? Charlie Jackson: (shrugs) Well, we already bought the booze. (Quick flashback to: [PARTY] The party is in full swing. Someone gives James Billmeyer a cigar, sticking it between his lips. They light the cigar and give James a drink of beer.) (Someone else snaps a digital photo of the gang together - complete with dead James Billmeyer in the center.) (The party continues. Someone sprays air freshener on James. James falls forward and hits the food on the table face first.) (The party continues.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Charlie Jackson: He was my best friend, you know? (Charlie sits down.) Det. Vartann: It's a class D felony to steal a corpse with the intent to sell or mutilate. I'm not really sure how to classify "partying with the dead." Charlie Jackson: Look, I know how it looks, but if you knew Jamie ... it's what he would've wanted. And we did return him. Det. Vartann: You're still under arrest. Obstruction of justice and conspiracy to commit theft. You're looking at one to four years, Charlie. (Charlie stands up and nods.) Charlie Jackson: He would have done it for me. (Ecklie and Vartann look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Finished for the day, Robbins shuts his laptop closed. He gets up and starts to head out.) (He stops, turns around and goes back to the morgue cooler. He opens the cabinet door and looks inside to make sure the body is still there.) (Satisfied, Robbins shuts the door.) (Inside the cabinet, the camera pans down to the body's toe tag: CLARK-COUNTY CORONER'S OFFICE NAME: BILLMEYERS, JAMES DATE: 02/25/05 CASE NO. 05-3796 427 CAISNO RD. ROBBINS ECKLIE (Camera holds for a beat, then ...

Sara and Greg investigate the death of two students in a dorm room. Nick, Warrick and Catherine investigate a man found dead in a 'crop circle'. Ecklie has to find out what happened to the corpse in the case he was working on, when it goes missing. First appearance of : Henry Andrews.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_02x13

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_02x13_0

Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Buffy's room at night. She sleeps fitfully. She wakes with a start and puts her hand to her head. She reaches over to her lamp, turns it on and lets out a sigh. She takes her glass from her nightstand for a drink, but finds it nearly empty. She gets up to fill it. Cut to the hall. Buffy comes out of her room holding the glass and walks down the hall. Behind her Drusilla stalks her. Buffy opens the door to the bathroom and suddenly finds herself at the Bronze. A slow ballad, "Anything", by Shawn Clement and Sean Murray, is playing. Buffy ventures in. Lyrics: Take me over, I'm lying down / I'm giving in to you She finds Willow sitting at a table with a large cup of cappuccino and an organ grinder's monkey. Willow: (to the monkey) L'hippo a pique' ses pantalons. Translation: The hippo stole his pants. Lyrics: I'm a hurricane The monkey on the table with her squeaks. Buffy walks up to the table and looks at Willow curiously. Willow smiles at her and waves. Buffy raises her hand back, but remains confused about the monkey. Lyrics: I cannot describe this feeling Buffy continues on and finds her mother holding a large cup and saucer. Lyrics: Now that I've found this love Her mother sees her coming, and she turns to face her daughter. Joyce: Do you really think you're ready, Buffy? Buffy: What? Joyce drops the saucer. Buffy watches it fall. It shatters on the floor. Joyce just turns and slowly walks away. Lyrics: I'll do anything for you Buffy watches her go, then looks around the room again. Lyrics: Now that I've found this love She walks past Willow again and through the crowd to the stage. It's empty, no band tonight. She turns around and smiles warmly. Lyrics: I'm a fire, burning like a house aflame Angel is standing at the pool table. He smiles and starts toward her. Lyrics: I'm a hurricane Buffy begins to walk toward him. Lyrics: I cannot move or see you fly / Now that I've found... Drusilla suddenly appears behind Angel. She is vamped out, and thrusts a stake into his back and pulls it out. He arches backward in pain. Buffy: ANGEL! Lyrics: ...this love They reach out for each other. Before she can touch him his hand begins to disintegrate. The rings on his fingers fall to the floor. His body doesn't explode like most vampires', but just crumbles to dust. Drusilla lowers the stake and takes the few steps over to Buffy. Drusilla: Happy Birthday, Buffy. Cut to Buffy's room. She wakes from her nightmare and quickly sits up, surprised and confused. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Angel's apartment. There's a knock at the door. Angel: Hold on. He reaches for the knob and opens it. Buffy is standing there with a worried look on her face. Angel: Hey. Is everything okay? Buffy: That's what I was gonna ask you. You're okay, right? Angel: Sure. I-I'm fine. (gestures for her to come in) What's up? She comes in and puts her bag down. He swings the door partially closed and walks over to grab a shirt. Buffy: Um... I-I had this... dream that Drusilla was alive. Angel: (pulls on the shirt) What happened? Buffy: She killed you. Right in front of me. Angel: It was just a dream. It wasn't real. Buffy: But it felt so real. Angel: (puts his hand to her cheek) It wasn't. I'm right here. Buffy: Angel, th-this happened before. The dreams that I had about the Master, they came true. Angel: (reassuringly) Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember? Buffy: (looks down) I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas. Angel: See my point? Buffy: (exhales) Yeah, I-I do, but... what if Drusilla is alive? We never saw her body. Angel: (reassures) She's not. But even if she was, we'd deal. Buffy: W-w-what if she is... He grabs and kisses her, and she responds. A couple of kisses later they break off and look at each other. Angel: What if what? Buffy: (whispers) I'm sorry. Were we talking? Angel leans over to kiss her again. They put their arms around each other and hold each other closely as they kiss. Buffy suddenly breaks off and looks down. Buffy: I'm sorry. I, um... I-I have to go to school. She turns and quickly heads for the door. Angel: I know. He follows her, takes her arm, turns her around and kisses her again passionately. They take hold of each other again. They stop kissing a moment later but keep touching foreheads. Buffy: Oh, God, you feel... Angel: You have to go to school. (guides her to the door) Buffy: Right. I know. This is me. (backs into and shuts the door) I'm going. They begin kissing passionately again. After a while they stop and look at each other. Angel: You still haven't told me what you wanted for your birthday. Buffy: (smiles) Surprise me. Angel: (smiles) Okay. I will. They kiss. Buffy: (smiles) This is nice. I like seeing you first thing in the morning. Angel: It's bedtime for me. Buffy: Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime. Um... Um, heh... Y-you know what I mean. Angel: I think so. What do you mean? Buffy: I like seeing you. The part at the end of the night where we say good-bye... It's getting harder. Angel: Yeah. It is. Willow: 'I like you at bedtime?' Cut to the lawn under the trees at Sunnydale High. Willow and Buffy are walking. Willow: You actually said that? Buffy: I know, I know. Willow: Man, that's like... I-I dunno, that's moxie or something. Buffy: Totally unplanned. It just... came out. Willow: (giggles) And he was into it? I mean, he wants to see you at bedtime, too? Buffy: Yeah, I, I, I think he does. Well, I, I mean he-he's cool about it. Willow: Well, of course he is. 'Cause he's cool. I mean, he would never... you know... Buffy: Push. Willow: Right. H-he's not the type. Buffy: Will, what am I gonna do? Willow: What do you wanna do? Buffy: I don't know. I... I mean, (they sit on a bench) 'want' isn't always the right thing *to* do. To act on want can be wrong. Willow: True. Buffy: But... to *not* act on want... What if I never feel this way again? Willow: Carpe diem. You told me that once. Buffy: 'Fish of the day'? Willow: Not carp. (smiles) Carpe. It means 'seize the day.' Buffy: Right. I... I think we're going to. Seize it. Once you get to a certain point, then seizing is sort of inevitable. Willow: (wide-eyed) Wow... Buffy: (smiles) Yeah. Willow: Wow... The school bell rings. Buffy: Oh... (gets up and goes) Willow: (gets up and follows) Wow! Cut to them still walking. Willow stares at Buffy. Willow: Wow. Buffy: (smiles) Yeah. She looks over to the side and sees Oz sitting at a bench with his guitar. Buffy: Hey, speaking of 'wow' potential, there's Oz over there. What are we thinking, any sparkage? Willow: (smiles) He's nice. Hey, I like his hands. Buffy: Mm. A fixation on insignificant detail is a definite crush sign. Willow: Oh, I don't know, though. I mean, he is a senior. Buffy: (stops) You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial. Willow: That's true. (unsure) Uh... I guess... I just... Buffy: You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. Make a move. Do the talking thing. Willow: Well, what if the talking thing becomes the awkward-silence thing? Buffy: Well, you won't know until you try. She walks off leaving Willow to consider her next action. She looks at Oz, at Buffy walking away and back at Oz. Cut to Oz on the bench. He's practicing with his guitar. Willow walks around the bench and stands next to him. Willow: Hey. Oz: (looks up) Hey. (gives her his attention) Willow: Do you guys, uh, have a gig tonight? Oz: Oh, no. Practice. See, our band's kinda moving towards this new sound where... we suck, so... practice. Willow: (smiles) I think you guys sound good. Oz: Thanks. Willow: I bet you have a lot of groupies. Oz: (nods) It happens. Now, I'm living groupie-free nowadays. I'm clean. Willow: (smiles) Oh. (begins to feel awkward) Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting. Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes. Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. (Willow smiles) Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night? Willow: (cringes and slaps her hand to her forehead) Oh! I can't! Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable. Willow: Oh, it's just it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party. Oz: It's okay. Willow: But you could come. If you want to. Oz: Well, I don't wanna crash. Willow: No, it's fine! Well, you could be m... my date. Oz: (nods) All right. I'm in. (smiles) Willow smiles back, and after a moment indicates she has to go. Oz nods to give her leave. She starts away, smiling widely. Willow: (to herself) I said 'date'. Cut to Cordelia's locker. The camera is inside looking out. Cordelia swings the door open. Xander is standing behind her. Xander: So... Buffy's party. Manana. Cordelia: Well, just because she's Miss Save-The-World and everything, you have to make a big deal? I have to cook! And everything. Xander: You're cooking? Cordelia: Well, I'm chips and dips girl. Xander: (gasps) Horrors! All that opening and stirring. Cordelia: And shopping and carrying. Xander: Well, then you should have a person who does such things for you. Cordelia: Well, that's what I've been saying to my father, but does he listen? Xander: Um, so, uh... You're going, and, and, and I'm going. Should... we maybe... go? Cut outside the locker. Cordelia: Why? Xander: I dunno. This... thing with us, despite our better judgment, it keeps happening. Maybe we should just admit that we're dating. Cordelia: Groping in a broom closet isn't dating. You don't call it a date until the guy spends money. Xander: Fine. I'll spend, then we'll grope. Whatever. I just think it's some kind of whacked that we feel we have to hide it from all our friends. Cordelia: Well, of course *you* wanna tell everybody. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I, on the other hand, have *everything* to be ashamed of. Xander: You know what? 'Nuff said. Forget it. It must've been my multiple-personality guy talking. I call him Idiot Jed, glutton for punishment. He looks at her and exhales, then turns and walks off. Cut further down the hall. Giles comes walking out of the lounge and sees Xander. Giles: Oh, good morning. (quietly) Is everything in order for the party? Xander: Absolutely. You ready to get down, you funky party weasel? Giles looks at the stairs and sees Jenny and Buffy coming down. Giles: Here comes Buffy. (to Xander) Now remember: discretion is the better part of valor. Xander: You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens? (to Buffy) Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on. Jenny: I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander. She and Buffy sit at a table in the lounge. Xander: (into his shirt) Check, cancel spanking. Giles: (sits also) You alright, Buffy? You seem a little fatigued. Buffy: Rough night. I had a dream that Drusilla was alive and she killed Angel. I-it just really freaked me out. Giles: You fear it was more of a, a... a portent? Buffy: See, I don't know. I don't wanna start a big freakout over nothing. Giles: Still, best to be, uh, on the alert. If Drusilla is alive, i-i- it could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs. Xander: Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'? Giles: (gives Xander a look) Go to class, Xander. Xander: Gone. (gets up and starts away, but stops) Notice the economy of phrasing: 'gone.' Simple. Direct. (points at Giles and leaves) Buffy: Maybe I should get 'gone', too. (stands up) Giles: (stands up) Uh, don't worry unduly, Buffy. I-I-I'm sure it's nothing. Buffy: I know. I should keep my Slayer cool, but... it's Angel, which automatically equals maxi-wig. Giles: Hmm. He gives her a smile as she goes. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Dalton comes in carrying a large wooden box. Dalton: I have your package. Spike: Just put it on the table... near the other gifts. Dalton walks past the camera to the table as Spike rolls into view in a wheelchair. Drusilla follows him, guiding the chair. Spike: Are you dead set on this, pet? Wouldn't you rather have your party in Vienna? Drusilla: But the invitations are sent. Spike: Yeah. It's just I've had it with this place. Nothing ever comes off like it's supposed to. Drusilla: (leans in and puts her hands on his chest) My gatherings are always perfect. Remember Spain? (crouches next to him) Hey... The bulls? (walks her fingers up his arm) Spike: I remember, sweet. But Sunnydale's cursed for us. Angel and the Slayer see to that. Drusilla: Shhh... (into his ear) I've got good games for everyone. (licks his cheek) You'll see. She walks over to the table and inspects the roses and other red flowers that have been woven into the high backs of the chairs. She steps up to one. Drusilla: These flowers... are wrong. (the decorators look worried) They're all... wrong! (moans) (Spike looks worried) I can't abide them! (screams and rips at them) Spike: Let's try something different with the flowers then. She looks at him and calms down a bit. Then she eyes the boxes on the table and slowly walks around to them. Drusilla: Can I open one? Can I? Spike smiles at her, and she smiles back. Drusilla: Can I? Ooo... Spike: Just a peek, love. She excitedly reaches for the latch on one of them. Spike: They're for the party. He wheels himself over to her. Cut inside the box. Drusilla lifts the lid, inhales in wonder and smiles. Spike: Do you like it, baby? Drusilla: It reeks of death. Cut outside the box. She sighs and kneels in front of Spike. Drusilla: This will be the best party ever. Spike: Why is that? Drusilla: Because... She stands back up and leans toward the box. Cut inside the box. Drusilla: It will be the last. She slams the lid shut. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at the Summers house. Joyce gets up from the far side of the island and takes her plate over to the sink. Buffy is sitting on the other side of the island. Joyce: Mall trip for your birthday on Saturday. Don't forget. Buffy: Space on a mom-sponsored shopping opportunity? Not likely. Joyce: Hmm. So, does, um, 17 feel any different than 16? Buffy: It's funny you should ask that. (gets Joyce's attention) You know, I woke up feeling more responsible, mature and levelheaded. Joyce: Really? Tch. It's uncanny. Buffy: I now possess the qualities one looks for in a... licensed driver. (looks at her mom hopefully) Joyce: Buffy... Buffy: You said we could talk about it again when I was 17. Joyce: Do you really think you're ready, Buffy? She gives her mom a surprised look. Joyce drops her plate. Buffy watches it fall and sees it shatter on the floor. Cut to Ms. Calendar's classroom. She walks to her desk with an arm full of papers. She sets down her mug and a couple of other things and begins to go through them. Behind her a man in a dark suit and hat approaches her. He stops and looks at her. Enyos: Jenny Calendar. Jenny spins around, startled. She stares at him in surprise. Jenny: You startled me. Enyos: You look well. (steps up to her desk) Jenny: Yes, I'm fine. (goes around her desk) I know I haven't written as much lately. I've been busy. Enyos: I cannot imagine what is so important to make you ignore the responsibility to your people. Jenny: Well, I've been working and... Enyos: (interrupts) The elder woman has been reading signs. Something is different. Jenny: Nothing has changed. The curse still holds. Enyos: The elder woman is never wrong. She says his pain is lessening. She can feel it. Jenny: (looks down) There is... Enyos: There is what? Jenny: (looks up) A girl. Enyos: (exhales in disgust) What? How could you let this happen? Jenny: I promise you. Angel still suffers. And he makes amends for his evil. He even saved my life. Enyos: So you just forget that he destroyed the most beloved daughter of your tribe?! That he *killed* every man, woman and child that touched her life?! Vengeance demands that his pain be eternal as ours is! If this, this girl gives him one *minute* of happiness, it is one minute too much! Jenny: I'm sorry. I thought... Enyos: You thought what?! You thought you are Jenny Calendar now?! You are still Janna, of the Kalderash people! A Gypsy. Jenny: I know... Uncle. I know. Enyos: Then prove it. Your time for watching is past. The girl and him, it ends now! Do what you must to take her from him! Jenny: I will see to it. Cut to the library. Buffy is sitting at the table while Giles paces behind her. Buffy: ...and then my mom broke the plate. It was just like my dream. Every gesture, every word. (looks up at him) It was so creepy. Giles: Yes, well, I-I-I'd imagine it would be... fairly unnerving. He sits on the end of the table. Xander and Willow come bounding in. Xander: Hey! It's the woman of the hour. Willow: It's Happy Birthday Buffy! She jumps over to the table, hugs Buffy's shoulders and gives her a big smile. She lets go and goes around to the other side of the table with Xander. Buffy just looks down and pulls her hair behind her ear. Willow: Not Happy Birthday Buffy? Giles: I-it's just that, um, part of the nightmare that Buffy had the other night actually transpired. Buffy: Which means Drusilla might still be alive. Giles, in my dream, I couldn't stop her. She blindsided me. A-Angel was gone before I knew what happened. Giles: Even if she is alive, uh, we can still protect Angel. Dreams aren't prophecies, Buffy. Y-y-y-you dreamt that the Master had risen, but you stopped it from happening. Xander: You ground his bones to make your bread. Buffy: That's true. Except for the bread part. (to Giles) Okay, so, fine. We're one step ahead, but I wanna stay that way. Giles: Absolutely. (stands up) Let me read up on Drusilla, uh, see if she has any particular patterns. (starts toward his office) Why don't you meet me here at 7:00? We'll map out a strategy. Buffy: What am I supposed to do until then? Giles: Go to classes, do your homework, have supper... Buffy: Right. Be *that* Buffy. She gets up from the table, grabs her bag and heads out of the library. Xander: (pointing) Well, that's not a perky birthday puppy. Willow: So much for our surprise party. I bought little hats and everything. Xander: Mm-hm. Willow: Oh, well. I guess I'll tell Cordelia. (starts to go) Giles: No, you won't. (Willow and Xander stop) We're having a party tonight. Xander: (stares at Giles) Looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny. Willow frowns and nods in agreement. Giles: Buffy's surprise party will go ahead as we planned. Except I won't be wearing the little hat. Willow: But Buffy and Angel... Giles: May well be in danger... as they have been before, and, I imagine, will be again. One thing I've learned in my tenure here on the Hellmouth is that there is no good time to relax. And Buffy's turning 17 just this once, and she deserves a party. Xander: You're a great man of our time. Willow: (smiles) And anyway, Angel's coming. So she'll be able to protect him *and* have cake. Giles: Precisely. He goes into his office. Willow and Xander leave with a happy bounce in their step. Cut to the school that night. Cut to a hall. Buffy comes walking down. Jenny sees her. Jenny: Buffy. Buffy: (startled) Oh, my God, I didn't see you there. Jenny: Sorry. Um, Giles wanted me to tell you that there's been a change of plans. Uh, he wants to meet you someplace near his house 'cause he had to run home and get a book or something. Buffy: 'Cause heaven knows there aren't enough books in the library. Jenny: Uh, he's... very thorough. Buffy: Oh, which is not to bag. It's kind of manly in an obsessive- compulsive kind of way, don't you think? Jenny: Mm-hm. Um, you know, my car's here. Why don't I drive you? Buffy: Okay. She starts out to the parking lot. Jenny watches her go a few steps and then follows. Cut to the alley outside the Bronze. Jenny's Beetle rolls slowly along. Buffy: Are we goin' to the Bronze? Jenny: I'm not sure. Giles gave me an address. I'm just following his directions. They round a corner, and Buffy sees something going on. Buffy: This looks funky. Stop for a sec. A truck is parked in an adjacent loading area. A man jumps off of the truck bed while another walks across the loading dock. Jenny: No, Buffy, maybe you shouldn't. Buffy: Sorry. Sacred duty, yada yada yada. She gets out of the car and goes to investigate. Jenny: (sighs) What is this? (leans her head on her hand) Cut to the truck. Buffy walks up and stops by the cab. She sees Dalton carrying a wooden box. Buffy: Every time I see you, you're stealing something. (Dalton growls) You really should speak with someone about this klepto issue. The truck's engine starts. Buffy turns and reaches for the door handle. Dalton makes a hasty escape. The truck door swings open before Buffy can reach it, and a vampire kicks out at her, hitting her in the arm, but not hard. She grabs for him and pulls him out of the cab and onto the ground. Dalton lifts the box onto the back of the truck. The vampire gets up from the pavement, and Buffy punches him, knocking him back down again. She backs up toward the truck to get around him, but a third vampire standing in the bed grabs her by the jacket and lifts her up. He gets her in a full Nelson hold. She pushes him back into a large box. He is stunned and lets go of his hold. She snaps her head back and butts him hard. The other vampire has climbed onto the truck bed also and comes at her. She punches him, turns and punches the one behind her, turns and punches the other one again, then kicks him in the chest, making him fall and roll over a crate. She blocks a swing from the one behind her, grabs his arm and shoves his head into the crate. Cut inside the Bronze. Angel peeks out from behind a pillar and looks around. Angel: Where is she? The others peek out from behind the pool table and look up at him. Willow: Shhh! I think I hear her coming. Cut outside. Buffy punches one of the wooden bed retainers and breaks off a piece. She jams it into one of the vampires' chests, and he bursts into ashes. The other grabs her from behind, lifts her up and carries her onto the loading dock. He throws her at a door. She hits it and rolls away. Cut inside. The gang hears the fighting going on outside and looks toward a window. Cut to the window. Buffy and the vampire come crashing through and hit the floor. Everyone gets up to look. Buffy scrambles to her feet and kicks the vampire as he comes for her. He stumbles back a few steps. The others come closer to see. Buffy grabs a drumstick from a drum set, spins around with it, thrusts it into the vampire's chest and pulls it back out. The vampire explodes into ashes. Oz watches in astonishment. Cordelia jumps up from behind the pool table with her arms raised high. Cordelia: Surprise! The others all look back at her. Oz: That pretty much sums it up. Xander shakes his head at Cordelia. Xander: Tch. Buffy hops down from the stage. Angel goes over to her. Cordelia lowers her arms. Angel: Buffy, are you okay? Giles: Yes. W-what happened? Buffy: (points behind her) Uh, there were these vamps outs... (looks around) W-what's going on? Giles: Oh, um... A surprise party. (blows on a party favor) Cordelia: Happy Birthday. Buffy: (smiles) You guys did all this for me? (to Angel) That is so sweet. Angel: You sure you're okay? Buffy: Yes, I'm fine. Willow: (to Oz) Are you okay? Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust? Willow: Uh, well, uh... sort of. Xander: Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. (gestures between Willow and Oz) Willow will fill you in. (walks off) Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first. Oz: Actually, it explains a *lot*. Jenny comes into the Bronze carrying Dalton's box. Jenny: Hey, can somebody give me a hand here? Angel and Giles take it from her and set it on a table. Jenny: Those creeps left this behind. Buffy: What is it? Giles: I have no idea. Can, can it be opened? Buffy: Yeah. This looks like a release right here. She works the latch and opens the box. Inside is an arm clad in armor. Buffy looks over at Giles in disgust. Suddenly the arm raises up, grabs Buffy by the throat and begins choking her. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. Buffy struggles with the arm. Angel tries to pull it off of her. Between them they get it off, and Angel stuffs it back into the box while Buffy steps back and tries to catch her breath. Giles slams the lid shut. Buffy coughs as Angel helps her aside. Xander: Well, clearly the Hellmouth's answer to 'what do you get the Slayer who has everything?' Giles: Good heavens. Buffy, are you all right? Buffy: Man, that thing had major grip. Willow: W-what was that? Oz: It looked like an arm. Angel: It can't be. She wouldn't. Xander: What, uh, vamp's version of 'snakes in a can', or do you care to share? Buffy: Angel? Angel: It-it's a legend... (Giles looks at the box) way before my time... of a demon brought forth to rid the Earth of the plague of humanity... separate the righteous from the wicked... and to burn the righteous down. They call him the Judge. Giles: The Judge? This is he? Angel: Not all of him. Buffy: (raising her hand) Um, still needing backstory here. Giles: Um... He, he, he couldn't be killed, yes? Um, a-an army was sent against him. Most of them died... but, uh, finally they were able to dismember him, but, uh... not kill him. Angel: The pieces were scattered... buried in every corner of the Earth. Jenny: So all these parts are being brought here. Buffy: By Drusilla. The vamps outside were Spike's men. Angel: She's just crazy enough to do it. Willow: Do what, reassemble the Judge? Angel: And bring forth Armageddon. Cordelia: Is anybody else gonna have cake? (goes to the pool table) Giles: We need to get this out of town. Jenny: Angel. Buffy: What? Jenny: (to Angel) You have to do it. You're the only one that can protect this thing. Buffy: What about me? Jenny: What, you're just gonna skip town for a few months? Buffy: 'Months'? Angel: She's right. I gotta get this to the remotest region possible. (goes to Buffy) Buffy: But that's not months. Angel: (gestures grandly) I gotta catch a cargo ship to Asia, maybe trek to Nepal... Buffy: You know, those newfangled flying machines really are much safer than they used to be. Angel: I can't fly. There's no sure way to guard against the daylight. I-I-I don't like this any more than you do, Buffy. But there's no other choice. Buffy: When? Angel: Tonight. As soon as possible. Buffy: But it's my birthday. Jenny: (comes over) I'll drive you to the docks. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is confronting Dalton. He has his eyes lowered. Drusilla: You lost it? You... lost my present. Dalton: I know. I'm sorry. Spike: It was a bad turn, man. She can't have her fun without the box. Dalton: The Slayer. She came out of nowhere. I didn't even see her. She... Drusilla cuts him off by putting her finger to his lips. She stares into his eyes. She lifts off his glasses and drops them to the floor. She stomps on them and grinds them into the concrete. She lifts her head with her eyes closed. Drusilla: Make a wish. Dalton: What? She holds two fingers up to his eyes. Drusilla: I'm going to blow out the candles. Spike: You might give him a chance to find your lost treasure. He is a w*nk*r, but he's the only one we've got with half a brain. If he fails, you can eat his eyes out of the sockets for all I care. Dalton: I'll get it. Please. I swear. Drusilla thrusts both hands at him and pulls them back at the last instant and up into raised fists, and smiles at him evilly. She bends down and picks up his glasses. Drusilla: Okay. She unfolds them and sets them back on his nose. Drusilla: Hurry back then. (pats his head) She steps over to Spike and sits in his lap. Dalton breathes a sigh of relief and leaves to begin his task. Cut to the docks. Buffy and Angel make their way to a ship. Angel has the box on his shoulder. They walk arm in arm. Buffy leans into him, and he kisses her on the head. When they reach the gangplank Angel sets the box down. They take a few steps away from the box. Angel: I should go the rest of the way alone. Buffy: Okay. Angel: But I'll be back. I will. Buffy: When? Six months, a year? You don't know how long it's gonna take or if we'll even... (looks down) Angel: Hey... (raises her chin) If we'll even what? Buffy: (tears in her eyes) Well, if you haven't noticed, someone pretty much always wants us dead. Angel: Don't say that. We'll be fine. Buffy: We don't know that. Angel: We can't know, Buffy. Nobody can. That's just the deal. (reaches into his pocket) I have something for you. For your birthday. I... I was gonna give it to you earlier, but... (shows her a ring with an intricate design) Buffy: It's beautiful. Angel: My people -- before I was changed -- they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty... and the heart... Well, you know... Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this. He shows her his own ring on his finger. She touches his hand, leans over and kisses the ring. Angel: Put it on. He takes the ring from her and slips it onto her finger. Buffy: (sobs) I don't wanna do this. Angel: Me either. Buffy: So don't go. They kiss. She puts her arms around him. After several kisses they stop and look at each other. Angel: Buffy... I... Two vampires suddenly jump at them from some cargo netting. One pulls Buffy off of Angel and throws her back. The other begins to fight with Angel. Buffy rolls to her feet. The vampire swings at her, but misses. She grabs him and starts pummeling his gut. Angel flips the other one over onto his back. He gets up, and Angel swings at him three times, but he blocks all of them. Angel's next punch lands on the vampire's face. Buffy ducks a swing, lifts herself up on the dock railing and kicks her assailant in the chest with both feet, sending him staggering back into the gangplank. She gives chase and grabs him by the back of the shirt and hair. He growls. Dalton drops out of the cargo netting now, too, runs over to the box, grabs it and starts to run. Buffy: Angel! The box! Angel ducks a roundhouse kick, grabs the vampire's arm and flips him over onto his back. He runs after Dalton and tackles him to the deck. Buffy's attacker shakes free of her and shoves her into a stack of crates. He follows up with a roundhouse kick, but she ducks it and he just hits the crates. She makes a grab for him, but he punches her in the face. Angel gets ready to punch Dalton but gets distracted when the vampire he was fighting before grabs the box and makes a run for it. Buffy's opponent grabs her by the jacket and roars as he swings her around, over the railing and into the water. Angel sees her go flying. Angel: Buffy! He jumps over the railing and into the water after her. Cut to the library. Giles is researching the Judge. He looks up from his books. Giles: They should be back by now. Willow: Maybe Buffy needed a few minutes to pull herself together. Poor Buffy, on her birthday and everything. Xander: Hmm, it's sad, granted. But let's look at the upside for a moment. (gets up) I mean, what kind of a future would she've really had with him? (Willow looks sadly up at him) She's got 2 jobs -- Denny's waitress by day, (Giles looks up, too) Slayer by night -- and Angel's always in front of the TV with a big blood belly, and he's dreamin' of the glory days when Buffy still thought this whole creature of the night routine was a big turnon. Willow: You've thought way too much about this. Xander: No, no. That's just the beginning. Have I told you the part where I fly into town in my private jet and take Buffy out for prime rib? Willow: (sees Buffy come in) Xander... Xander: And she cries? Giles: (stands up) What happened? (Xander sits) Buffy: Dru's guys ambushed us. They got the box. Giles: Where's Jenny? Buffy: Uh, she took Angel to get clothing. I, I had some here. Xander: And we needed clothes because... Buffy: We got wet. Giles, what do we know? Giles: The more I study the Judge, the less I like him. His touch can literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil can survive the process. No human ever has. Xander: What's the problem? We send Cordy to fight this guy, and we go for pizza. (smiles) Buffy: Can this guy be stopped? Without an army? Giles: Um, (reads) 'no weapon forged can kill him.' Not very encouraging. If we could only stop them from assembling him. Buffy: We need to find his weak spots, and we need to figure out where they'd be keeping him. Giles: This could take time. Willow: Better do a round robin. Xander, you go first. Buffy: Good call. Xander heads for the phone. Giles: Round robin? Willow: It's when everybody calls everybody else's mom and tells them they're staying at everyone's house. Buffy: Thus freeing us up for world saveage. Willow: (smiles) And all-night keggers! (gets looks from Buffy and Giles) What, only Xander gets to make dumb jokes? Xander: (on the phone) Mom, hi. Xander. Yeah, uh, Willow and I are gonna be studying all night long, so I'm not gonna be coming home. Cut to later. The research is going hot and heavy. Xander walks over to Willow at the counter with another open book. Xander: Tsk. I think I read this already. Willow: I can't get over how cool Oz was about all this. Xander: Gee, I'm over it. Willow: (smugly) You're just jealous 'cause you didn't have a date for the party. Xander: No, I sure didn't. Giles: (comes out into the main room) Angel? Any luck? Angel comes down out of the stacks. Giles sees Buffy asleep in his office and holds up his hand to silence Angel. He follows Giles' gaze into the office. Giles: Sh-sh-sh. They see Buffy with her head down on the desk. He waves Angel to follow him. Giles: (whispers) Seems Buffy needed some rest. Angel: Yeah. She hasn't been sleeping well. Tossing and turning. (everyone looks at him) She told me. Because of her dreams? They all go back to their tasks. The camera closes in on Buffy and loses its focus. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Buffy walks in, looking at the party decorations. All around candles on tall sticks have burned way down. She goes to the table and walks around it. On the other side she sees Jenny walking the other way. She's confused about that, but gets distracted by several boxes sitting on the floor and goes over to them. Drusilla: Now, now. Buffy spins around to see her on the upper level holding Angel in front of her. Drusilla: Hands off my presents. She puts a sharp blade to Angel's neck. Buffy: No! Cut to Giles' office. Buffy wakes from her nightmare with a start. Buffy: Angel! Angel: Buffy, it's okay. (she turns to him) I'm here. (she hugs him close) I'm right here. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla stands at the top of the spiral staircase and claps her hands. Drusilla: More music! She bobs her head to the gothic beat as she descends the steps. The party is going well. She makes her way to the head of the table and begins to dance there. "Transylvanian Concubine", performed by Rasputina, plays. Lyrics: If you want to know how / To fly high then go now / To the place where all the concubines... / Meet and converse with them / Marvel at their pale skin / Wonder how they chew on their pointy... / Teeth and hair are beauty / They know it's their duty / To be Countess in their hearts and their... Spike comes rolling in with a large box in his lap. Spike: Look what I have for you, ducks. Drusilla looks over at him. Lyrics: Minds that have to whisper / See in them a sister / Look into their eyes and you'll become / Transylvanian Concubine Drusilla smiles and steps over to him. Drusilla: Ahh... The best is saved for last. She takes the box from him and hands it to two vampires. Lyrics: You know what flows there like wine / Sorrow is their master / Cackling with laughter / Now he's having just one piece of... The two vampires take it over to where the other boxes have been assembled into the shape of a body. They raise the box and set the head in place. Lyrics: Cakey is their make up / Catholics try to shake up... Once in place, a bright light emanates through the cracks in the boxes. Drusilla: (smiles) Hmm. The front of the now unified boxes opens like a pair of twin gates to allow the Judge to step out. His skin is blue, and he has small horns on his forehead. He opens his eyes. Drusilla: He's perfect, my darling. Spike looks up at her. Drusilla: Just what I wanted. She steps back to him and takes his hand. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Spike's warehouse. Drusilla looks up at the Judge. Drusilla: Goll... The Judge steps out of his box. He has difficulty keeping his balance. He points at Drusilla. Judge: You! Spike: (rolls over to him in Dru's defense) Ho, ho, ho. What's that, mate? Judge: You two stink of humanity. You share affection and jealousy. Spike: Yeah. What of it? (taps his armor) Do I have to remind you that we're the ones who brought you here? Drusilla: (smiles) Would you like a party favor? (indicates her guests) The Judge looks at the party guests. His gaze settles on Dalton. Judge: This one is full of feeling. He reads. Bring him to me. Another vampire grabs Dalton and keeps him from running away. Spike: What's with the bringing? I thought you could just zap people. Judge: My full strength will return in time. Until then... I need contact. The Judge steps over to Dalton. Dalton: No. No! NO! The Judge puts his hand on Dalton's chest, and he begins to smoke. Drusilla watches excitedly. The Judge's hand begins to burn into Dalton, who quickly combusts, disappearing in a flash of flame and smoke. Drusilla: (gasps) (gleefully) Do it again! Do it again! She smiles down at Spike. The Judge smiles as he feels his power begin to return. Cut to the library. Buffy comes striding out of the cage. Angel follows her out. Giles looks down at them from the stacks. Giles: Buffy, what's happening? Angel: She had another dream. Buffy: I think I know where Spike and Drusilla are. Giles: (comes down the stairs) That's very good, however, you, you do need a plan. I-I know you're concerned, Buffy, but you can't just go off half-cocked. Buffy: I have a plan. Angel and I go to the factory and do recon, figure out how far they've gotten assembling the Judge. You guys check any places the boxes could be coming into town. Shipping yards, airports, anything. We need to stop them from getting all the boxes in one place. Giles: Yes. Yes, well, um, actually, that's quite a good plan. Buffy: This thing is nasty, and it's real, Giles. We can't wait for it to come get us. Giles: Right. Buffy grabs her bag, and she and Angel make tracks for the door. Cut to outside Spike's warehouse. The camera pans up to a second floor window. Cut inside. Buffy and Angel sneak quietly along the upper level. They look down at the party going on below. They walk to the railing. Buffy: I saw this. (whispers) The party. They see the Judge walk into view flanked by Spike with Drusilla following. The Judge stops and senses something. Spike: What? What is it? The Judge looks around, then up at Buffy and Angel and growls. Angel: We gotta get outta here. They try to make a run for it, but there are vampires heading them off on both sides. They are captured. Cut below. Buffy and Angel are brought before Spike, Drusilla and the Judge. Spike: Well, well. Look what we have here. Crashers. Buffy: I'm sure our invitations just got lost in the mail. Drusilla: It's delicious. (licks her fingers) (to Angel) I only dreamed you'd come. Rrrr. Angel: (struggles) Leave her alone. Spike: Yeah, that'll work. Now say 'pretty please'. (smiles) Judge: The girl. Drusilla: Chilling, isn't it? She's so full of good intention. Angel gets himself between the Judge and Buffy. Angel: Take me! Buffy: No! Angel: Take me instead of her! Spike: (raises his hand) Uh, you're not clear on the concept, pal. There is no instead. Just first and second. Drusilla: And if you go first, you don't get to watch the Slayer die. Angel's captors pull him back. The Judge reaches for Buffy. Angel looks up and around for a way out of this. Drusilla wraps her arms around Spike and smiles. Angel sees the chains holding up Spike's video monitors. Then he sees Buffy getting ready to defend herself. Angel: Don't touch him! Buffy kicks the Judge in the chest and knocks him back. Angel shakes off his captors and lunges for the chains. The Judge comes to a stop beneath the monitors, and Angel releases them. They crash to the floor on top of the Judge, hard enough to knock a hole in the floor. Buffy struggles free also, and runs to Angel. She sees the hole in the floor. Buffy: This way! They go to the hole, and Buffy jumps down into the sewers below. Cut to the sewers. Buffy rolls away from the hole, and Angel drops down behind her. They get to their feet and start down the tunnels. Cut inside the warehouse. Drusilla gives the order to pursue. Drusilla: Go! Two vampires rush to give chase. Cut to the sewers. Buffy and Angel pull a door closed behind them as their two pursuers drop through the hole and start after them. They look around to see where they went, but don't see anyone. They start down the tunnel, checking the side tunnels as they go, and continue past the door. When they've gone by Buffy opens the door and checks if the coast is clear. Seeing no one she steps over to a ladder and starts up. Cut to the surface. She lifts a manhole cover up, pushes it aside and quickly climbs out into the pouring rain. Angel follows right behind. Angel: Come on. We need to get inside. Cut to Angel's apartment. He opens the door, and they come in. He turns on the light. Buffy closes the door behind them. He takes off his heavy coat and lays it aside. Buffy is soaked through to her skin without a coat or jacket. Angel: You're shaking like a leaf. Buffy: Cold. Angel: Let me get you something. He gets some things from his armoire and hands them to her. Angel: Put these on. Get under the covers, just to warm up. Buffy walks over to his bed and sits down. She looks up at him. He faces away to give her privacy. Angel: Sorry. Buffy takes off her top shirt and winces and inhales in pain. Angel: What? Buffy: Oh, um... It's okay. I just have a cut or something. Angel: Can I... Lemme see. Buffy clutches her shirt to her chest. Buffy: (whispers) Okay. Angel turns around and sits down on the bed behind her. He gently touches her back and looks at the cut. Angel: It's already closed. You're fine. Buffy leans back into him and cuddles her face to his. He puts his arms around her. Buffy: You almost went away today. Angel: We both did. Buffy: (sobs) Angel... (sniffles) I feel like I lost you... (sniffles) You're right, though. We can't be sure of anything. Angel: Shhh. I... She turns around to look at him. Buffy: You what? Angel: I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop. Buffy: Me, me, too. I can't either. They start to kiss. After a moment Angel breaks off. Angel: Buffy, maybe we shouldn't... Buffy: (stops him) Don't. Just kiss me. Cut to later. They are both in bed asleep. Outside lightning strikes, and Angel wakes with a start and gasps for air as he sits up. Angel: Ahh! He gets up from the bed and hurries off. Cut outside to an alley. Angel has dressed and crashes through the door into the rain. He stumbles over some trashcans and falls to the pavement. He cries out in pain and fear. Angel: Buffy! Cut to the apartment. Buffy stirs slightly but keeps sleeping. Angel: Buffyyyyy! To be continued...

Buffy turns 17 and the Scoobies plan a surprise party. Meanwhile Drusilla plans her own celebration as Spike collects her presents: the disassembled pieces of The Judge, an ancient demon called to cleanse the world of humanity. Stymied at every turn, Buffy and Angel go back to his place to regroup, where they confess their deepest feelings and make love for the first time. Afterwards, Angel wakes in the middle of the night calling Buffy's name in anguish...

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Recap of 107 "The Long Game". 100 years later. INT. CUPBOARD The Doctor is crouched inside what appears to be a small cupboard. The tiny enclosure starts spinning, spinning... The Doctor leaps to his feet and frantically starts feeling the walls. THE DOCTOR: What is it? What's happening? He unexpectedly finds a door and falls through it. INT. THE HOUSE The Doctor lands flat on his face on the floor. He is in a brightly coloured room, drawings on the wall, modern style chair. LYNDA: Oh my God! A woman of 30, Lynda, hurries over to him. LYNDA (CONT'D): I don't believe it! Why'd they put you in there?? They never said you were coming! The Doctor tries to pull himself up, very disorientated. THE DOCTOR: But what happened? I was... Lynda helps him to his feet. LYNDA: Careful now... oh! The Doctor's legs give way and he falls flat on his face again. LYNDA (CONT'D): Oh! Mind yourself! Oh, that's the transmat. Scrambles your head, I was sick for days. He tries to push himself up again. Lynda helps him to stand. LYNDA (CONT'D): You all right? The Doctor grunts. He finally manages to stabilise himself. LYNDA: So! What's your name then, sweetheart? THE DOCTOR (groggily): The Doctor, I think. I was er... I don't know, what happened? How... He looks at her for help. LYNDA: You got chosen. She nods, grinning, as though this explains everything. THE DOCTOR: Chosen for what? LYNDA: You're a house mate. You're in the house! Isn't that brilliant?! She laughs as this truly is something to be happy about. A camp voice comes from within. STROOD: That's not fair. There are two other house mates, Strood and Crosbie, sitting on a purple couch in front of the TV, which has a familiar eye logo on the screen... STROOD (CONT'D): We've got eviction in five minutes! I've been here for all nine weeks, I've followed the rules, I haven't had a single warning, and then he comes swanning in. He gestures to the extremely confused Doctor, clearly rather peeved. CROSBIE: If they keep changing the rules, I'm gonna protest, I am. You just watch me, I'm, I'm gonna paint the walls. The Doctor looks around at the House, mouth open, brow furrowed. Completely bemused. A camera fixed to the ceiling turns slowly. Big Brother's voice rings out over the theme music. BIG BROTHER: Would the Doctor please come to the Diary Room? The Doctor looks up at the ceiling trying to see where the voice is coming from, then turns around at a buzzing noise behind him. A silver door with an illuminated eye on the side awaits him. He walks over to the door, opens it and goes inside. INT. DIARY ROOM The Doctor finds himself in the Diary Room. He plonks himself down in the bright red chair, looking rather useless. BIG BROTHER: You are live on channel forty-four-thousand. Please do not swear. THE DOCTOR (raises eyebrows): You have got to be kidding. OPENING CREDITS INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO Rose is lying on the floor of a darkened room, in a beam of light. She is just starting to regain consciousness. She looks around, bemused, with a just-woken-up look. ROSE (blearily): What happened? A man of 25, Rodrick, is crouched beside her, observing her. RODRICK (CONT'D): It's all right... it's the transmat. Does your head in. Rose looks around at her surroundings, blinking. RODRICK (CONT'D): Get a bit of amnesia. What's your name? ROSE (just about remembering): Rose. But... where's the Doctor? RODRICK: Just remember, do what the Android says. Don't provoke it. The Android's word is law. ROSE: What d'you mean, android? Like... a robot? She looks around as a voice calls out. FLOOR MANAGER: Positions, everyone! Thank you! RODRICK: Come on. Hurry up! (Helps Rose to her feet). Steady, steady... Rose hangs on to him for support. ROSE (beginning to sound scare): I was travelling. With the Doctor and a man called Captain Jack...? The Doctor wouldn't just leave me... FLOOR MANAGER: That's enough chat! Positions! Final call! She is standing next to an inactive robot, which is being attended to by technicians. The robot stands on a platform around which are six podiums, the contestants milling around. FLOOR MANAGER (CONT'D): Good luck! Rodrick smiles slightly in anticipation and looks at Rose. ROSE (confused, frightened) : But I'm not supposed to be here. RODERICK: Well, it says Rose on the podium... Rose looks - and sure enough, her name lights up on one of the podiums. She stares. RODERICK (CONT'D): Come on! He dashes off and climbs up to stand behind his podium. Slowly, confused but with a dawning revelation, Rose takes her places behind her own podium. ROSE: Hold on... I must be going mad. She looks round at her surroundings... the technicians and Floor Manager are still attending to the inactive Android. ROSE: It can't be. This looks like the... FLOOR MANAGER: Android activated! The Android springs to life, raising her face up. ROSE: Oh, my God. The Android. The Anne... Droid. ANNE DROID: Welcome, to "The Weakest Link"! Cue theme music. INT. WHAT NOT TO WEAR STUDIO A white, clinical room. Blurry faces come slowly into clarity. Robotic voices. TRIN-E: Here we go again. We've got our work cut out for us. ZU-ZANA: I don't know, he's sort of handsome. That's a good lantern jaw. Jack awakens. He's lying on a chair in the 'What Not To Wear' studio, being examined by the Trin-E and Zu-Zana droids. He blinks. TRIN-E: Lantern jaws are so last year. JACK: Sorry... nice to meet you ladies, but where exactly am I? TRIN-E: We're giving you a brand-new image. JACK: Oh, hold on, I was with the Doctor... (Realises what she said, looks at them in alarm). Why, is there something wrong with what I'm wearing? ZU-ZANA: It's all very twentieth century. Where did you get that denim? JACK: Little place in Cardiff... it was called "The Top Shop". ZU-ZANA (gliding around him): Oh, design classic. TRIN-E: But we're gonna have to find you some new colours. Maybe get rid of that "Oklahoma Farm Boy" thing you've got going on... Jack stands up and faces them, hands on hips, rather indignant but at a loss for words. ZU-ZANA: Just stand still and let the Defabricator work its magic. JACK: What's the Defabricator? They demonstrate. A beam of light hits Jack's clothing and relieves him of it. He does not seem in the least bit bothered. JACK: Okay... Defabricator. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers? TRIN-E / ZU-ZANA: Absolutely! JACK: Ladies... (Glances down at his body, a smug smile spreading across his face)... your viewing figures just went up. INT. THE HOUSE The sonic screwdriver whirrs and buzzes as the Doctor tries to open a door. Then he stops. THE DOCTOR (to Lynda): I can't open it. LYNDA: It's got a deadlock seal. Ever since Big Brother Five Hundred and Four when they all walked out...? No answer from the Doctor, who is walking swiftly to the other side of the room looking for any possible exits. LYNDA (CONT'D): You must remember that. THE DOCTOR (referring to a mirror): What about this? LYNDA: Oh, that's exoglass. You'd need a nuclear bomb to get through. THE DOCTOR (scanning the edges): Don't tempt me. Lynda leans against the wall next to him. It's as though she wants to say something. She lowers her voice. LYNDA: I know you're not supposed to talk about the outside world, but you must've been watching. Do people like me? Lynda with a Y, not Linda with an I, she got forcibly evicted because she damaged the camera. The Doctor nods, grinning in an uninterested sort of way. LYNDA: Am I popular? THE DOCTOR (indifferently): I don't remember. LYNDA (quickly): Oh, but does that mean I'm nothing? Some people get this far just 'cos they're insignificant. Doesn't anybody notice me? He looks at her properly now, almost pityingly. THE DOCTOR: No... you're... you're nice. You're sweet. Everybody thinks you're sweet. He grins. LYNDA (flattered): Oh! Is that right? Is that what I am? (Very pleased). Oh, no-one's ever told me that before. Am I sweet? Really? THE DOCTOR: Yeah. Dead sweet! LYNDA (grinning, touched): Thank you! The Doctor looks over to one of the so-called windows. It is solid black. THE DOCTOR: It's just a wall, isn't there supposed to be a garden out there? He walks over to it. Lynda follows. LYNDA: Don't be daft. No-one's got a garden anymore. Who's got a garden? (Gasps). Don't tell me you've got a garden! THE DOCTOR (examining the wall): No, I've just got the TARDIS... (Spins around, as though hit by sudden inspiration). I remember. LYNDA: That's the amnesia! So what happened? Where did they get you? THE DOCTOR (remembering): We'd just left Raxacoriofallapatorius. Then we went to Kyoto, that's right. Japan in 1336, and we only just escaped... INT. TARDIS Flashback to the Doctor, Rose and Jack laughing together in the TARDIS. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (voice-over): We were together, we were laughing, and then... there was this light... A bright light shines through the walls of the TARDIS. Bewildered and scared, Rose reaches out to the Doctor as she is sucked into the light... THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (voice-over): ... this white light coming through the walls, and then... Rose is pulled back and back into the blinding white light... end flashback. INT. THE HOUSE THE DOCTOR: And then I woke up here. LYNDA: Yeah, that's the transmat beam. That's how they pick the housemates. THE DOCTOR: Oh, Lynda with a Y... sweet little Lynda... (Walks a few paces into the room). It's worse than that. POV of the mirror, as though there is a camera hidden inside it. THE DOCTOR: I'm not just a passing traveller. No stupid little transmat gets inside my ship. That beam was fifteen million times more powerful, which means... this isn't just a game. There's something else going on. (Steps closer to the camera). Well! Here's the latest update from the Big Brother house. I'm getting out. (Looks straight into the camera). I'm gonna find my friends. And then I'm gonna find you. He places his finger on the camera lens threateningly. INT. FLOOR 500 A male programmer watches these proceedings. He approaches a female programmer, who is working at a computer. MALE PROGRAMMER: Need a word. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Hold on... let me finish this. On her screen is the image of "The Weakest Link" studio, where Rose is. FEMALE PROGRAMMER (CONT'D): 19... 18... INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO FLOOR MANAGER: 17... 16... 15... thank you people, transmitting in 12... 11... 10... Agitated, Rose turns to Rodrick. ROSE: But I need to find the Doc... RODRICK (pushing her back impatiently): Just... shut up and play the game! ROSE: All right then. What the hell? I'm gonna play to win! She smiles. Rodrick looks distractedly at her, clearly thinking she's slightly mad. FLOOR MANAGER: 3, and cue! ANNE DROID: Let's play "The Weakest Link"! Music, lights. ANNE DROID (CONT'D): Start the clock. Music. ANNE DROID (CONT'D): Agorax, the name of which basic food stuff is an anagram of the word "beard"? AGORAX: Bread. ANNE DROID: Correct. Fitch, in the Pan Traffic Calendar, which month comes after Hoob? FITCH: Is it... Clavadoe? ANNE DROID: No, Pandoff. Rose, in maths, what is 258 minus 158? ROSE: One hundred! She looks extremely pleased with herself. ANNE DROID: Correct. Rodrick... RODRICK: Bank. ANNE DROID: Which letter of the alphabet appears in the word "dangle" but not in the word "gland"? RODRICK (after a second's thought): E. ANNE DROID: Correct! Colleen, in social security, what D is the name of the payment given to Martian Drones? COLLEEN: Default. ANNE DROID: Correct. Broff, the Great Cobalt Pyramid is built on the remains of which famous Old Earth Institute? BROFF: T... Touchdown. ANNE DROID: No, Torchwood. Rose laughs. Broff's expression is genuinely distraught. ANNE DROID (CONT'D): Agorax, in language, all five examples of which type of letter appear in the word "facetious"? AGORAX: Vowels. ANNE DROID: Correct. Fitch, in biology, which blood cells contain iron, red or white? FITCH: Um... white. Rose giggles. Fitch looks as though her heart has just sunk into her shoes. ANNE DROID: No, red. Rose, in the holovid series "Jupiter Rising", the Grexnik is married to whom? INT. FLOOR 500 The show is watched by the programmers. ROSE: How should I know? She laughs at the absurdity of the situation. ANNE DROID: No, the correct answer is Lord Drayvole. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Why's she laughing? ANNE DROID: Rodrick, in maths, what is nine squared? FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Oh, my God... I don't think she knows... MALE PROGRAMMER (leaning over her shoulder): And I've got a housemate to appear out of nowhere. I told you, it's like the game's running itself. INT. WHAT NOT TO WEAR STUDIO Jack stands admiring himself in the mirror, flexing his muscles in the mirror. He's wearing black leather trousers and a white vest. TRIN-E: It's the buccaneer look. Little dash of pirate and just a tweak of President Schwarzenegger. JACK: Nah, not sure about the vest. What about a little bit of colour to lift it? ZU-ZANA: Absolutely not. Never wear black with colour. It makes the colour look cheap and the black look boring. Now, let's talk jackets. JACK: I kinda like the first one... ZU-ZANA: No, that's a bit too much Hell's Angel. I think I like the shorter one. Jack shrugs into it in front of the mirror. ZU-ZANA: Look, waist length, nice and slimming, shows off the bum. She pats his bum. Jack turns to her. JACK: Works for me. TRIN-E: Once we've got an outfit, we can look at the face. Ever thought about cosmetic surgery? JACK: Well, I've considered it, yeah. A little lift around the eyes... tighten up the jaw line... what do you think? He places his hands on Zu-Zana's plastic breasts flirtatiously. TRIN-E: Oh, let's have a bit more ambition... (Takes a cap off her forearm revealing a chainsaw underneath). Let's do something... cutting edge. INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ANNE DROID: So, Rose. What do you actually do? ROSE (light-hearted, even relaxed) : I just travel about a bit. Bit of a... tourist, I suppose. Rodrick, holding up a card saying 'Fitch', glances sideways at her. ANNE DROID: Another way of saying "unemployed". ROSE: No. ANNE DROID: Have you got a job? ROSE: Well... not really, no, but... ANNE DROID: Then you are unemployed! And yet, you've still got enough money to buy peroxide. Why Fitch? ROSE (completely wrong-footed): Uh... I think she got a few of the questions wrong. Fitch is staring at the ground, tears running down her cheeks. ROSE (CONT'D): ... that's all. ANNE DROID: Oh, you'd know all about that. ROSE: Well yeah, but I can't vote for myself, so it had to be Fitch... Fitch sobs silently. Rose doesn't understand. She's disturbed, confused. ROSE (CONT'D) (to Fitch): I'm sorry... that's the game. That's how it works... I had to vote for someone. Fitch ignores her and addresses the Anne Droid. She's terrified. FITCH (desperately): Let me try again, it was the lights and everything, I couldn't think. ANNE DROID: In fact, with three answers wrong, Broff was the weakest link in that round, but, it's votes that count. FITCH (begging): I'm sorry. Oh, please... oh God, help me! She looks wildly around at her fellow contestants, pleading for help they can't give. Rose looks at her, still completely in the dark. Rodrick looks away. Broff sobs silently into the board he is holding up. Rose glances back at the Anne Droid. ANNE DROID: Fitch, you are the weakest link. Goodbye! The Anne Droid's mouth opens, and a gun protrudes from it. Without a moments hesitation, it fires, a thick and fast bolt of yellow/gold light. Hits Fitch - and she is gone. The gun retreats back into the Anne Droid's mouth. Rose looks back, having hidden her face, to see only smoke billowing where Fitch once stood. FLOOR MANAGER: And we've gone to the adverts. Back in three minutes... ROSE (to Rodrick, gesturing the smoke): Wassat? What's just happened? RODRICK (wiping his board clean): She was the weakest link. She gets disintegrated. Rose is uncomprehending. She makes a small noise at the back of her throat. Rodrick rolls his eyes. RODRICK (CONT'D) (with the air of addressing a dimwit): Blasted into atoms. ROSE (stunned) : But I voted for her. Oh, my God. This is sick. Her words ring around the silent studio. The contestants glance at her. ROSE (CONT'D): All of ya, you're just sick! I'm not playing this..; BROFF: I'm not playing! (Whimpers, terrified, crying). I... I can't do it. The Anne Droid turns to him slowly. Broff leaps off his podium and tries to run for it. BROFF: I'm not... please, somebody let me... ANNE DROID: You are the weakest link. She fires. Broff disappears in mid-run. ANNE DROID (CONT'D): Goodbye. And the gun retreats back into her mouth. Rose is staring, mouth open, shocked and absolutely disgusted. Rodrick shuffles, uncomfortable. The Anne Droid turns back to the remaining contestants. RODRICK (to Rose): Don't try to escape. It's play... or die. INT. THE HOUSE Lynda, Strood and Crosbie are gathered on the sofa in front of the TV. LYNDA: Doctor, they said all the housemates must gather on the sofa. You've got to. THE DOCTOR: Busy getting out, thanks. He is standing at one of the doors, whirring away with his sonic screwdriver. LYNDA: But if you don't obey, then all the housemates get punished. He grudgingly accepts this, and joins them on the sofa, clicking off his sonic screwdriver. THE DOCTOR: Well maybe I'll be voted out, then. STROOD: How stupid are you? You've only just joined, you're not eligible. LYNDA: Don't try anything clever or we all get it in the neck. BIG BROTHER: Big Brother House, this is Davina Droid. Lynda, Strood and Crosbie all grab each others hands, Crosbie hanging onto the Doctors, who rolls his eyes. BIG BROTHER (CONT'D): Crobsie, Lynda and Strood, you have all been nominated for eviction. The three housemates all look extremely tense. BIG BROTHER (CONT'D): And the eighth person to be evicted from the Big Brother House is... Long, tense pause in which the Doctor looks bored and keeps rolling his eyes. BIG BROTHER (CONT'D): ... Crosbie! Crobsie gasps. Strood and Lynda are immediately all over her. LYNDA: I'm sorry! Oh, I'm sorry! Sorry! STROOD (an arm around her): Oh, it should've been me, that's not fair... oh, Crosbie love... The Doctor relaxes back in the chair with his hands behind his head. BIG BROTHER: Crosbie, you have ten seconds to make your farewells, and then we're gonna get you! Crosbie, Lynda and Strood all leap to their feet. The Doctor doesn't bother. They rush to the door. The Doctor shakes his head. LYNDA: I won't forget you. CROSBIE: I'm sorry I stole your soap. LYNDA: Oh, I don't mind, honestly. She hugs her. STROOD: Thanks for the food, you're a smashing cook. (Kisses her cheek and hugs her). Bless you. The doors slide open, revealing a small, narrow, gleaming white room beyond, ending in a door. BIG BROTHER: Crosbie, please leave the Big Brother House. Crosbie stares into the room apprehensively. CROSBIE (scared, looking at each of them): Bye, then... bye Lynda... LYNDA: Bye... Lynda and Strood catch each others eye and make an archway with their arms. Crosbie walks underneath. The Doctor looks at them in in disbelief over the back of the sofa. Lynda and Strood wave to Crosbie who waves back until the doors slide close. LYNDA (CONT'D) (close to tears): I don't believe it. Poor Crosbie... THE DOCTOR (from the sofa): It's only a game show, she'll make a fortune on the outside! Sell her story, release a record, fitness video, all of that... she'll be laughing! LYNDA (staring at him): What d'you mean, "on the outside"? Crosbie stands in the middle of the white room, trembling. STROOD: Here we go... Lynda and Strood dash back to the sofa and perch on the edge nervously. The Doctor sighs and relaxes back again. There are a few tense moments while Crosbie stands in the room, waiting, and Lynda and Strood watch her anxiously. THE DOCTOR: Well, what are they waiting for? Why don't they just let her go? LYNDA (tearful): Stop it, it's not funny. She turns back to the TV. The Doctor completely uncomprehending. BIG BROTHER: Eviction in... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1! And with the same bolt of light that the Anne Droid used on Fitch, Crosbie is disintegrated. The tension is released and Lynda and Strood stare at the screen, distraught. The Doctor sits up, staring at the screen. THE DOCTOR: What was that? STROOD: Disintegrator beam. The Doctor looks at them, not fully understanding. They look back at him. LYNDA: She's been evicted. (Pause). From life. Cut to the Big Brother logo, stars swirling innocently behind it. INT. FLOOR 500 MALE PROGRAMMER: No one programmed the transmat, no one selected the new contestants... it is exactly like those stories. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Oh, don't start that again. I think you need to take a session off. MALE PROGRAMMER: Well, I would. If you'd take it with me. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: And don't start that again either. The Male Programmer smiles at that. MALE PROGRAMMER: But the rumours go back decades. Saying that something's been... hidden up here. Underneath the transmissions. FEMALE PROGRAMMER (glancing at him): But the Controller would know. She watches everything. MALE PROGRAMMER: Maybe she just can't see it. Gotta allow for human error. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Well, that's your problem, then. (Leans closer, whispers in his ear). I don't think she's been human for years. They smile and then look to the other end of the room, where the Controller is wired up to the computers. She is deathly white and muttering under her breath, monitoring and controlling all the transmissions. CONTROLLER: 18... 19... 20... 21... 22... 23... transmit. INT. THE HOUSE The Doctor paces around the Big Brother house, laying into Lynda and Strood who are still sat on the sofa. THE DOCTOR: Are you insane ? You just step right into the disintegrator? Is it that important, getting your face on the telly? Is it worth dying for? LYNDA (standing): You're talking like we've got a choice! THE DOCTOR: But I thought you had to apply! STROOD: Don't be so stupid. That's how they played it centuries back. LYNDA (frustrated): You get chosen whether you like it or not! Everyone on Earth is a potential contestant. The transmat beam picks you out at random. And it's non-stop. There are sixty Big Brother houses running all at once. THE DOCTOR (shocked): How many? Sixty? STROOD (dejectedly) : They've had to cut back. It's not what it was. THE DOCTOR: It's a charnel house! What about the winners? What to they get? LYNDA: They get to live. THE DOCTOR: Is that it?! LYNDA: Well, isn't that enough?! The Doctor stares at her for a few seconds, then strides across the room. THE DOCTOR: Rose is out there. She got caught in the transmat. She's a contestant. Time I got out. Camera POV - zooms in on him. THE DOCTOR: That other contestant, Lynda with an I, she was forcibly evicted for what? LYNDA: Damaged property... THE DOCTOR: What, like this? And he points his sonic screwdriver directly at the camera, destroying it. INT. WHAT NOT TO WEAR STUDIO Jack is now dressed up in tennis garb, and is swishing a racket around in front of the mirror. JACK (stopping) : No. I'm just not getting this. It just too safe, too decent. And you'd never keep it clean. ZU-ZANA: Stage Two ready and waiting! JACK: Bring it on, girls! He stands in front of the Defabrictor so it can defabricate him. He stands naked in front of them once more. TRIN-E: And now it's time for the face-off! JACK (enthusiastically): What does that mean? Do I get to compete with someone else? TRIN-E: No, like I said, face... off! And she holds up her arms, one with needles on the end of each of her fingers, and the other a chain saw. Jack stares at it, not scared but mildly surprised. ZU-ZANA: I think you'd look good with a dog's head. And she snips the enormous scissors that have replaced her forearm. TRIN-E: Or maybe no head at all. That would be so outrageous. ZU-ZANA: And we could stitch your legs to the middle of your chest. Jack raises an eyebrow, not remotely perturbed. TRIN-E: Nothing is too extreme. It's to die for. JACK (warningly): Now, hold on, ladies. I don't want to have to shoot either one of you. TRIN-E: But you're unarmed! ZU-ZANA: You're naked! Jack reaches behind him and produces a small gun. He points it at them. ZU-ZANA (CONT'D): But... that's a Compact Laser Deluxe! TRIN-E: Where were you hiding that? JACK: You really don't wanna know. TRIN-E (moving towards him): Give me that accessory... But Jack's ready, he fires and blows her head off. And then does the same to Zu-Zana. INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ANNE DROID: You are the weakest link. Goodbye! Rodrick averts his eyes, and with a blast of the gun, Colleen is gone. FLOOR MANAGER: Going to the break! Two minutes on the clock. Rose looks tired and fed-up. FLOOR MANAGER (CONT'D): Just a reminder, we've got solar flare activity coming up in ten. Rodrick is wiping his board clean. Rose turns to him. ROSE: Colleen was clever, she banked all our money. Why'd you vote for her? RODRICK: 'Cos I want to keep you in! You're stupid! You don't even know the Princess Vossaheen's surname. When it comes to the final, I want to be up against you. So that you get disintegrated, and I get a stack-load of credits. Courtesy of the Bad Wolf Corporation... ROSE: What d'you mean? Who's Bad Wolf? Rodrick turns to her as if he can't believe she doesn't know this. RODRICK: They're in charge. They run the Game Station. ROSE: Why are they called Bad Wolf? RODRICK: I dunno, it's just a name. It's like an Old Earth... nursery rhyme sort of thing... What does it matter? ROSE (pensively): I keep hearing those words everywhere we go. Bad Wolf. INT. SNEED'S KITCHEN Flashback. GWYNETH: The things you've seen... the darkness... the big bad wolf... EXT. VAN STATTEN'S BASE TANNOY VOICE: Attention all personnel, Bad Wolf One descending. INT. TOWN HALL, EXHIBITION ROOM THE DOCTOR: Blaidd Drwg... ROSE: What's it mean? THE DOCTOR: Bad Wolf. EXT. POWELL ESTATE "Bad Wolf" graffiti'd on the side of the TARDIS. INT. FLOOR 139, CORRIDOR The Face of Boe on the Bad Wolf channel. End Flashback. INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ROSE (haunted): Different times... different places like it's written all over the universe... RODRICK (impatiently): What're you going on about? ROSE: If the Bad Wolf is in charge of this quiz, then... maybe I'm not here by mistake. Someone's been planning this... INT. THE HOUSE The Big Brother logo on the screen. BIG BROTHER: The Doctor, you've broken the House Rules. The Doctor, Lynda and Strood are sat on the sofa. BIG BROTHER (CONT'D): Big Brother has no choice but to evict you. The Doctor raises his hand in triumph. BIG BROTHER (CONT'D): You have ten seconds to make your farewells, and then we're gonna get you! THE DOCTOR (leaping up and running to the door): That's more like it! Come on then, open up! LYNDA (rushing after him): You're mad! It's like you want to die! STROOD :I reckon he's a plant! He was only brought in to stir things up! The door slides open. The Doctor dashes through into the white room beyond. BIG BROTHER: The Doctor, please leave the Big Brother house. Strood rushes back to the sofa and leaps over the back to watch on the screen, but Lynda stays at the doorway and slides sideways with the door anxiously as it closes, keeping him in vision for as long as possible. When the door is shut, she turns to the TV. THE DOCTOR: Come on then, disintegrate me! Come on, what're you waiting for? He looks impatiently and expectantly up at the disintegrator. LYNDA: He is, he's mad. He's bonkers. INT. FLOOR 500 The programmers watch the Doctor on the screen. THE DOCTOR: Disintegrate me! FEMALE PROGRAMMER: I told you to keep an eye on him, not kill him. MALE PROGRAMMER: He damaged the property. It's an automatic process. INT. BIG BROTHER CORRIDOR The Doctor folds his arms and looks up the disintegrator, waiting, grinning. BIG BROTHER: Eviction in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... INT. THE HOUSE Lynda screws up her eyes, but nothing happens. The sound of the power failing. THE DOCTOR: Haha! Lynda opens her eyes in surprise. INT. BIG BROTHER CORRIDOR THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): I knew it! You see? Someone brought me into this game. If they'd wanted me dead, they could've transmatted me into a volcano. INT. FLOOR 500 FEMALE PROGRAMMER: What did you do? MALE PROGRAMMER: Nothing! THE DOCTOR: They want me alive... MALE PROGRAMMER: It's like... some sort of override. THE DOCTOR (at the door): Maybe the security isn't as tight this end. (Looks mockingly up at the camera). Are you following this? I'm getting out! INT. BIG BROTHER CORRIDOR The Doctor points his sonic screwdriver at the lock at the door swings open. Then, the door leading back into the House also opens. Lynda pops her head through and the Doctor looks back at her. THE DOCTOR: Come with me. Lynda looks at Strood who is kneeling on the sofa. STROOD: We're not allowed! THE DOCTOR: Stay in there, you've got a fifty-fifty chance of disintegration. Stay with me, I promise I'll get you out alive. Come on! LYNDA (nervous): No... I can't, I can't... THE DOCTOR: Lynda, you're sweet. From what I've seen of your world, d'you think anyone votes for sweet? Lynda sees the logic in this. The Doctor holds out his hand and after a moments hesitation, she grabs it and off they go. INT. FLOOR 56 After going through the door, they find themselves on Floor 56 of Satellite Five. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (looking around, surprised): Hold on... I've been here before. This is Satellite Five! EXT. SPACE A shot of Satellite Five from space, looking as it did in 107 "The Long Game". INT. FLOOR 56 The Doctor opens the door to the side room with his sonic screwdriver and they step through it. He whirrs on a control panel. THE DOCTOR: No guards. That makes a change. You'd think a big business like Satellite Five would be armed to the teeth. They leave the room again. The Doctor tests the walls with his sonic screwdriver. LYNDA: No one's called it Satellite Five in ages. It's the Game Station now. Hasn't been Satellite Five in about a hundred years. THE DOCTOR (checking his watch): A hundred years exactly. It's the year two zero-zero/one zero-zero. I was here before. Floor 139. Satellite was broadcasting news channels back then... had a bit of trouble upstairs. Nothing too serious. Easy, gave 'em a hand, home in time for tea. LYNDA (smiling skeptically): A hundred years ago? The Doctor places his hand on a touch-sensitive pad to open a door, with no luck. LYNDA (CONT'D): What, you were here a hundred years ago? The Doctor whirrs around the edges of the door with his sonic screwdriver. THE DOCTOR: Yep! LYNDA: You're looking good on it... THE DOCTOR (turns to her): I moisturise. He looks at the sonic screwdriver. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Funny sorts of readings. All kinds of energy... the place is humming. It's weird. This goes way beyond normal transmissions. What would they need all that power for? He tries another door. LYNDA: I dunno. I think we're the first ever contestants to get outside. THE DOCTOR (scanning the door): I had two friends travelling with me. They must've got caught in the same transmat. Where would they be? LYNDA: I dunno. They could've been allocated anywhere. There's a hundred different games. THE DOCTOR (giving her his full attention): Like what? LYNDA: Well, there's ten floors of "Big Brother". There's a different House behind each of those doors. And then beyond that, there's all sorts of shows. It's non-stop. There's um... "Call My Bluff"... with real guns... "Countdown", where you've got thirty seconds to stop the bomb going off... "Ground Force", which is a nasty one... you get turned into compost. Erm... "Wipeout", speaks for itself... oh! And "Stars In Their Eyes". Literally, stars in their eyes. If you don't sing, you get blinded. THE DOCTOR: And you watch this stuff? LYNDA (shrugs): Everyone does. How come you don't? THE DOCTOR: Never paid for my license. LYNDA (shocked): Oh, my God! You get executed for that! THE DOCTOR (holding up his sonic screwdriver): Let them try. LYNDA: You keep saying things that don't make sense. But who are you though, Doctor? Really? THE DOCTOR: Doesn't matter. And he walks away to try the next door. LYNDA: Well, it does to me... I've just put my life in your hands. THE DOCTOR (examining the lock): I'm just a traveller, wandering past. Believe it or not, all I'm after is a quiet life. LYNDA: So... if we get out of here, what're you gonna do? Just... wander off again? THE DOCTOR: Fast as I can. LYNDA (tentatively): So... I could come with ya. She smiles, waiting for an answer. He looks away from the lock and studies her properly. THE DOCTOR: Maybe you could. LYNDA (brightly): I wouldn't get in the way. THE DOCTOR (smiling) : I wouldn't mind if you did. Not a bad idea, Lynda with a Y. Lynda smiles cheerily. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (briskly): But first of all, we've gotta concentrate on the getting out. (Scans the edges of a door). And to do that, you've got to know your enemy, who's controlling it, who's in charge of the satellite now? LYNDA: Hold on... She runs to the opposite end of the room and pulls down a lever, which illuminates huge letters on the wall. They say "Bad Wolf Corporation". LYNDA (CONT'D): Your Lords and Masters. The Doctor gazes up at the letters in wonder and confusion. EXT. SPACE Satellite Five revolves slowly. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. FLOOR 500 Several people on Floor 500 are busy working at their screens. MALE PROGRAMMER: Okay, you win. The Controller's got to handle this. The Archive makes a record of all transmat activities. The Male and Female Programmers are working on the same screen, which is showing footage of the Doctor and Lynda on Floor 56. MALE PROGRAMMER (CONT'D): Find out how they got on board... Archive Six. He takes off his headphones and strides slowly across the floor to address the Controller. MALE PROGRAMMER (CONT'D): Controller... we have a problem. CONTROLLER: Continue working. MALE PROGRAMMER: We have a security problem. CONTROLLER: Continue working. 6... 5... MALE PROGRAMMER: I'm sorry, but I can't. We have contestants outside of the games. But the alarms haven't gone off. CONTROLLER: No security. The games continue. MALE PROGRAMMER (smiling confusedly): But we can't just let them wander... CONTROLLER: They are no one. The Male Programmer stares at her, brow furrowed. MALE PROGRAMMER: They are no one. The Female Programmer places a hand on the touch sensitive lock to open the door to the Archive. The Controller gasps with pain. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Erm... sorry. I was just, um... CONTROLLER: Archive Six is out of bounds. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: But I need to check the transmat log. CONTROLLER (slightly crazed) : Archive Six is out of bounds. No one may enter Archive Six. Return to work. (Lapses back into herself, muttering numbers under her breath). Return to work. Inform all staff, solar flares in delta point seven. 19... 20... EXT. SPACE The Satellite revolves peacefully. INT. WHAT NOT TO WEAR STUDIO Jack is attaching his Compact Laser Deluxe to the Defabricator. JACK (to himself): Compatible systems... just align the wave signature... (Laughs). Thattaboy! Got myself a gun. (Picks up the Defabricator and glances at the dead Droids). Well, ladies, the pleasure was all mine. Which is the only thing that matters in the end. And off he goes, leaving the smouldering bodies of Trin-E and Zu-Zana. INT. FLOOR 229 Jack runs out onto Floor 299, and places his hand on a pad to open the door to the lift. He consults his wrist device. JACK: Two hearts, that's him... which floor? He impatiently presses a few buttons on the lift and the doors close. INT. FLOOR 56, OBSERVATION DECK The Doctor and Lynda emerge onto an observation deck. LYNDA: Blimey! I've never seen it for real before! Not... not from orbit. Planet Earth... They stand before the window, observing the Earth. The whole planet is grey and ugly, a few patches of light here and there. THE DOCTOR (surprised): What's happened to it? LYNDA: Well, it's always been like that. Ever since I was born. See that there? (Points). That's the Great Atlantic Smog Storm. It's been going twenty years. We get newsflashes telling us when it's safe to breathe outside. THE DOCTOR: So, the population just sits there? Half the world's too fat, half the world's too thin, and you lot just watch telly? LYNDA (bright-eyed): Ten thousand channels, all beaming down from here. THE DOCTOR: The Human Race. Brainless sheep. Being fed on a diet of... mind you, have they still got that programme where three people have to live with a bear? LYNDA (delighted): Oh, "Bear With Me", I love that one! THE DOCTOR: And me. The celebrity edition where the bear got in the... LYNDA: Got in the bath! THE DOCTOR (suddenly serious): But it's all gone wrong. I mean, history's gone wrong. Again. This should be the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. I don't understand. Last time I was here, I put it right. LYNDA: No, but that's when it first went wrong. A hundred years ago, like you said. All the news channels - they just shut down overnight. THE DOCTOR: But that was me. I did that. LYNDA: There was nothing left in their place. No information. The whole planet just froze. The government, the economy, they collapsed... that was the start of it. One hundred years of hell. THE DOCTOR: Oh, my... (Stares at the wasted planet, stunned). I made this world. INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO Agorax screams as the disintegrator beam shoots him until there's nothing left but dust. The gun retreats back into the Anne Droid's mouth and the light behind Agorax's name on his podium goes out. ANNE DROID: That leaves Rose and Rodrick, you're going head-to-head... let's play "The Weakest Link". RODRICK (to Rose, without looking at her): Right, that's the end of tactical voting... you're on your own now. EXT. SPACE Satellite Five, sitting in Space. JACK (voice-over): Hey, handsome! Good to see ya! Any sign of Rose? INT. FLOOR 56, OBSERVATION DEC Jack has managed to find the Doctor, and is now standing with him and Lynda on the observation deck. THE DOCTOR: Can't you track her down? JACK: She must still be inside the games. All the rooms are shielded. THE DOCTOR (fiddling with the computer) : If we can just get inside this computer... she's got to be here somewhere. JACK: Well, you'd better hurry up. These games don't have a happy ending. THE DOCTOR (snaps): You think I don't know that? Jack backs down and gives the Doctor his wrist-device. JACK: There you go. The Doctor snatches it off him. JACK (CONT'D): Patch that in. It's programmed to find her. THE DOCTOR: Thanks. JACK (to Lynda, shaking her hand): Hey there! LYNDA: Hello! JACK: Captain Jack Harkness. LYNDA: Lynda Moss. JACK: Nice to meet you, Lynda Moss! THE DOCTOR (not even looking up): D'you mind flirting outside? JACK (indignantly) : I was just saying hello! THE DOCTOR: For you, that's flirting. LYNDA (to Jack) : I'm not complaining. JACK (kissing her hand): Which is a good idea. LYNDA (laughing) : Oh! The system bleeps in protest. THE DOCTOR (angry and frustrated) : It's not compatible. This stupid system doesn't make sense. He chucks the wrist-device to Lynda, and then wrenches the front of the computer away with Jack's help. He snatches the wrist-device from Lynda again. THE DOCTOR (trying to patch in it) : This place should be a basic broadcaster. The systems are twice as complicated. It's more than just television... this station's transmitting something else. JACK: Like what? THE DOCTOR (working frantically) : I don't know. This whole Bad Wolf thing's tied up with me. Someone's manipulating my entire life. It's some sort of trap and Rose is stuck inside it. INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ANNE DROID: Rose, in geography, the Grand Central Ravine is named after which Ancient Britain City? The TV footage shows a scoreboard on the screen. Rodrick has one tick so far, and this is Rose's first question. ROSE: Is it York? ANNE DROID: No, the correct answer is Sheffield. INT. FLOOR 56, OBSERVATION DECK The wrist-device bleeps. THE DOCTOR: Found her! Floor 407! Lynda gasps with horror. LYNDA (frantic) : Oh, my God! She's with the Anne Droid! You've gotta get her out of there! INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ANNE DROID: Rodrick, in literature, the author of "Lucky" was Jackie who? RODRICK (wild guess): Stewart. ANNE DROID: No, the correct answer is Collins. A cross for Rodrick. ANNE DROID: Rose, the oldest inhabitant of the Isop Galaxy is the Face of what? ROSE: Boe! The Face of Boe! A few second silence in which the Anne Droid and Rodrick both stare at her. ANNE DROID: That is the correct answer. EXT. SPACE Satellite Five. INT. LIFT The Doctor, Jack and Lynda are in the lift, the Doctor impatiently watching the numbers racing up. THE DOCTOR (urgently) : Come on... come on...! INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ANNE DROID: Rodrick, in history, who was the President of the Red Velvets? The scores are equal. RODRICK: Hoshbin Frane. ANNE DROID: That is the correct answer. Rodrick is one-up. The Anne Droid turns her head sharply to Rose. ANNE DROID (CONT'D): Rose, in food, the dish Gaffabeque originated on which planet? ROSE (without a clue): Um... is it... The Anne Droid stares at Rose. Rose stares back, at a loss. ROSE (CONT'D): ... Mars? ANNIE DROID: Nope, the correct answer is Lucifer. Rose gets a cross. The nasty pleasure in Rodrick's eyes is evident. EXT. SPACE Satellite Five. The lift races upwards. INT. LIFT The counter rises rapidly. The Doctor's eyes are on it, intense. INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ANNE DROID: Rodrick, which measurement of length is said to have been defined by the Emperor Jate as the distance from his nose to his fingertip? Rose glances at Rodrick. He doesn't know. RODRICK: Would that be a goffle? ANNE DROID: No. The correct answer is a paab. Rodrick gets a cross. ANNE DROID (CONT'D): Rose, in fashion, Stella Pok Baint is famous for what? ROSE (taking a firm but completely random guess): Shoes. ANNE DROID: No. The correct answer is hats. Rodrick is still one ahead and there's only one question left for each of them... INT. FLOOR 407 The Doctor, Jack and Lynda belt out of the lift onto Floor 407. The Anne Droid's voice rings out over the Floor. ANNE DROID: Rodrick, in physics, who discovered the Fifteen-Dash-Ten Barric Fields? THE DOCTOR (frantically, drowning her voice out): Game Room Six, which one is it?! LYNDA: Over here! INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO RODRICK: San... Hazeldine. ANNE DROID: No... INT. FLOOR 407 They've reached the door, the Doctor whipping out his sonic screwdriver. ANNE DROID: ... the correct answer is San Chen. JACK: Stand back, let me blast it open. THE DOCTOR: Can't, it's made of Hydra Combination. He presses his sonic screwdriver to the touch-sensitive pad. INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ANNE DROID: Rose, in history, which Icelandic city hosted Murder Spree Twenty? Rose stares at the Anne Droid, who stares right back at her. Rodrick glances at Rose. A tense silence. ROSE: Reykjavik...? Rodrick looks back the Anne Droid anxiously. There is a few seconds pause. ANNE DROID: No, the correct answer is Pola Ventura. Rose gets a cross. The game's finished and Rodrick is one point up. Music cue... an ecstatic smile spreads across Rodrick's face. RODRICK: Oh, my God! I've done it! (Looks at Rose, without a trace of pity, even gloating). You've lost! INT. FLOOR 407 The sonic screwdriver whirrs. THE DOCTOR (muttering in his desperation): Come on, come on, come on... INT. THE WEAKEST LINK STUDIO ROSE (terrified) : But I'm not meant to be here. I need to find the Doctor, he's got to be here somewhere... he's always here! He wouldn't just leave me! ANNE DROID (ignoring her, speaking over her): Rodrick, you are the strongest link, you will be transported home with one thousand six hundred credits. RODRICK: Oh, thank you, thank you so much. ROSE (strong but scared, leaning over her podium): This game is illegal! I'm telling you to stop! Suddenly, the Floor Manager turns to look at a point off-set, the Doctor, Jack and Lynda barge in through the door which is just too far away... THE DOCTOR: Rose! ANNE DROID: Rose, you leave this life with nothing... JACK: Stop this game! THE DOCTOR: I order you to stop this game! FLOOR MANAGER: We're live on air! The Doctor runs across the wide expanse of floor as fast as he can. Rose begins to run towards him, pushing the podium out of the way. ANNE DROID: You are the weakest link. ROSE: Look out for the Anne Droid, it's armed! She's running... The Anne Droid turns her head and her jaw hinges down, the disintegrator beams shoots out, hitting Rose squarely in the back. And with a scream, Rose is gone, mere feet away from the Doctor. Jack takes off towards the set, raging. JACK (furious) : What the hell did you do to her? The Doctor crouches down to the pile of dust that was Rose. The smoke clears. There's a moment where he's absolutely in shock... the voices in the background are meaningless to him. He picks up a piece of the dust between his fingers, feeling it... he's just staring - broken, hollow. JACK (CONT'D) (brandishes the gun at the Floor Manager and Rodrick): Back off! FLOOR MANAGER: I need security and I need it here right now! It's this lot... A security guard appears behind the Doctor. JACK: Don't you touch him! Leave him alone! The security guard pulls the Doctor to his feet and places a gun to his head. The Doctor has lost the will to resist. He just lets him do it. JACK (CONT'D) (barking at the Floor Manager while his hands are tied): You killed her! Your stupid freaking game show killed her. His voice is distant to the Doctor. He's staring at the pile of ashes while his hands are tied. He looks empty. A tear is glistening in his eye. SECURITY GUARD (distant): Sir, I'm arresting you under Private Legislation Sixteen of the Game Station Syndicate. And his voice fades away as the Doctor is lost inside his own head. He is as a man dead. EXT. SPACE The Satellite hovers over Earth, the sun behind it. INT. FLOOR 407 The Doctor is slammed roughly against a gate as he is searched. The Doctor is completely unresisting, past caring. The sonic screwdriver is wrenched from his pocket. The Doctor is turned roughly back to face the security guard, who brandishes it in his face. SECURITY GUARD (brusquely) : Can you tell us the purpose of this device, sir? No response. The Doctor isn't even looking at it. INT. FLOOR 407 Jack, the Doctor and Lynda are sat on a bench in a prison cell as they are interrogated. SECURITY GUARD: Can you tell us how you got on board? LYNDA: Just leave him alone... The Security Guard grabs her chin, silencing her. SECURITY GUARD: I'm asking him. He releases her and turns to the Doctor. SECURITY GUARD (CONT'D): Sir? Can you tell us who you are? INT. FLOOR 407 The Doctor is against a wall having a convict's photo taken. First from the front, the camera flashes. He turns to each side and the camera flashes twice more, the sound echoing in the silence. The Doctor is still numb, still dead. INT. FLOOR 407 They are back in the cell. SECURITY GUARD: You will be taken from this place to the Lunar Penal Colony, there to be held without trial, you may not appeal against this sentence. Neither Jack or the Doctor move or make any acknowledgment to this statement, but Lynda shifts uncomfortably. SECURITY GUARD (CONT'D) (coldly): Is that understood? No response. The Security Guard goes to the gate and opens it. THE DOCTOR (to Jack): Let's do it. All three of them leap to their feet. Jack punches and kicks his way through the gate. He tosses one guard aside, the Doctor throwing another easily against the wall, knocking him out. They all grab weapons and leave. An alarm goes off. INT. FLOOR 500 MALE PROGRAMMER (watching the proceedings): Oh, my God. Now we're in trouble. INT. LIFT Jack, Lynda and the Doctor pile into the lift. THE DOCTOR: Floor 500. INT. FLOOR 500 The Male Programmer presses a button on Floor 500, causing an alarm to go off. MALE PROGRAMMER: Clear the floor! He's on his way up here. With a gun! The staff all stand hurriedly. INT. LIFT The Doctor releases the safety catch on the huge defabricator he is now holding. His face is dark, and he means business. The lift zooms upwards... INT. FLOOR 500 FEMALE PROGRAMMER (exasperated, trying to get through the Controller): This is an emergency! You've got to close the lift! CONTROLLER (completely ignoring her): All staff are reminded that solar flares commence in delta point two. MALE PROGRAMMER: Never mind solar flares! He's gonna kill you! And the lift doors open. All the staff turn around, and the Doctor, Jack and Lynda all stride out, armed to the teeth. JACK: Okay! Move away from the desk! Nobody try anything clever. Everybody clears! The staff scatter as the Doctor strides towards the Controller as though he has tunnel vision. JACK: Stand to the sides. And stay there. THE DOCTOR (brandishing his gun at the Controller): Who's in charge of this place? CONTROLLER: ... 18... 19... 20... THE DOCTOR: This Satellite's more than a Game Station. CONTROLLER: 79... THE DOCTOR: Who killed Rose Tyler? CONTROLLER: All staff are reminded that solar flares... THE DOCTOR: I want an answer! CONTROLLER: ... in delta point one. MALE PROGRAMMER: She can't reply. The Doctor abruptly swings the gun around to the staff, making them all flinch. MALE PROGRAMMER: Don't shoot! THE DOCTOR: Oh, don't be so thick. Like I was ever gonna shoot. And he tosses the defabricator to the Male Programmer. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Captain, we've got more guards on the way up. Secure the exits. JACK: Yes, sir! THE DOCTOR (to the Male Programmer): You, what were you saying? MALE PROGRAMMER: But... I've got your gun. THE DOCTOR: Okay, so shoot me. Why can't she answer? MALE PROGRAMMER: She's, um... (Completely distracted by the gun he's holding). Can I put this down? THE DOCTOR (impatiently): If you want, just hurry up. MALE PROGRAMMER: Thanks. (Puts it down). Sorry. Um... the Controller is linked to the transmissions. The entire output goes through her brain - you're not a member of staff so she doesn't recognize your existence. THE DOCTOR (looking up at her): What's her name? MALE PROGRAMMER: I don't know. She was installed when she was five years old. That's the only life she's ever known. JACK (calling over): Door's sealed. We should be safe for about ten minutes. THE DOCTOR: Keep an eye on 'em. MALE PROGRAMMER: But that stuff you were saying about something going on with the Game Station, I think you're right. Jacks device bleeps. He reads it and looks around. MALE PROGRAMMER (CONT'D): Unauthorized transmats... it's been going on for years. THE DOCTOR: Show me. Captain Jack places his hand on the door to Archive Six. FEMALE PROGRAMMER (making him jump): You're not allowed in there! Archive Six is out of bounds! JACK (holding up his two guns): Do I look like an out-of-bounds sort of guy? He places his hand on the pad and the door opens. INT. ARCHIVE SIX Jack smiles - as there, in the middle of the room, stands the TARDIS. He fits the key into the lock and enters. INT. TARDIS The TARDIS is humming away, a comforting, familiar sound. Slung casually over the handrail just inside the door is one of Rose's jackets. He pauses, placing his hand on it briefly before moving on to the console. He checks the screen and leans closer to it, clearly puzzled. JACK: What the hell...? EXT. SPACE The sun rises over the Earth, also illuminating the Satellite. INT. FLOOR 500 CONTROLLER: Solar-flare activity at delta point zero... FEMALE PROGRAMMER (impatiently, to the Doctor): If you're not holding us hostage, then open the door and let us out. The staff are terrified. THE DOCTOR: That's the same staff who execute hundreds of contestants every day... FEMALE PROGRAMMER: That's not our fault, we're just doing our jobs. THE DOCTOR: And with that sentence, you just lost the right to even talk to me. Now back off. He sounds disgusted, his voice rising. Lynda flinches and the Female Programmer stares at him. One of the screens goes static and the lights flicker off, the sound of the power winding down. MALE PROGRAMMER: That's just the solar-flares. They interfere with the broadcast signal, so this place automatically powers down. Planet Earth gets a few repeats. It's all quite normal. CONTROLLER (quietly) : Doctor... FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Doctor? He hasn't heard the Controller and is still sore with the Female Programmer. THE DOCTOR: Whatever it is, you can wait. FEMALE PROGRAMMER (ignoring this): I think she wants you. The Doctor spins around to look at the Controller at the other end of the floor. CONTROLLER: Doctor... The Doctor hurries over to stand before her. She is still staring straight ahead with her milky eyes. CONTROLLER (CONT'D): Doctor...? Where's the Doctor? THE DOCTOR: I'm here. CONTROLLER: Can't see. I'm blind. So blind. All my life, blind. All I can see is numbers, but I saw you. THE DOCTOR: What do you want? CONTROLLER: Solar-flares hiding me. They can't hear me... my... my masters, they always listen but they can't hear me now. The sun... the sun is so bright... THE DOCTOR: Who are your masters? CONTROLLER: They wired my head, their name is forbidden. They control my thoughts, my masters... my masters, I had to be careful. They monitor the transmissions but they don't watch the programmes. I could hide you inside the games. Everyone is listening to her intently. THE DOCTOR (coldly) : My friend died inside your games. CONTROLLER: Doesn't matter. THE DOCTOR: Don't you dare tell me that. CONTROLLER: They've been hiding. My masters, hiding in the dark space, watching and shaping the Earth... so, so, so many years... they've always been there. Guiding humanity, hundreds and hundred of years... THE DOCTOR: Who are they? CONTROLLER: They wait. They plan and grow in numbers, they're strong now. So strong, my masters... THE DOCTOR (persistently): Who are they? CONTROLLER (suddenly looking at him): But they speak of you. My masters, they fear the Doctor. THE DOCTOR (stepping forward): Tell me! Who are they? But at that moment, the Controller gasps. The power flickers back on, and she goes back to counting. CONTROLLER: 20... 21... 22... THE DOCTOR (to the Male Programmer): When's the next solar-flare? MALE PROGRAMMER: Two years time. THE DOCTOR: Fat lot of good that is. JACK (emerging from Archive Six): Found the TARDIS! THE DOCTOR: We're not leaving now. JACK: No. But the TARDIS worked it out. He shoves the Male Programmer out of his chair. JACK (CONT'D): You'll wanna watch this. The Doctor turns around to watch. JACK (indicating): Lynda, could you stand over there for me please? LYNDA: I... I just wanna go home. JACK (fixed smile) : It'll only take a second. Could you stand in that spot, quick as you can? Lynda complies, and stands in an empty area of floor. JACK (CONT'D): Everybody watching? Okay... three, two, one... He presses a button and a disintegrator beam shoots down from the ceiling and hits Lynda. There's nothing left but a billow of smoke. THE DOCTOR (shocked): But you killed her! JACK: Oh, d'you think? He presses the button again, and Lynda reappears next to the Doctor, slightly dazed but completely unharmed. LYNDA: ... What the hell was that? The Doctor looks to Jack for an explanation. JACK: It's a transmat beam. Not a disintegrator. A secondary transmat system. And the Doctor is realising what he's trying to say... his eyes light up... JACK (CONT'D) (walking towards him): People don't get killed in the games! They get transported across space! Doctor, Rose is still alive! The Doctor laughs with ecstatic relief. They throw their arms around each other, grinning madly, so happy. INT. SPACESHIP Rose is lying on the floor unconscious. After a few seconds, she begins to stir. The camera gives us a wider view, and we see that she's inside a spaceship, which is humming ominously. She sits up, sees something... ROSE: It can't be... A horribly familiar alien POV, gliding towards her... Rose scrambles to her feet and stumbles backwards, gasping. ROSE (CONT'D): But you're dead... I saw you die! The alien backs her against a wall. She tries to edge sideways, but is stopped by a plunger shooting out. INT. FLOOR 500 THE DOCTOR (dashing from console to console): She's out there somewhere! CONTROLLER: Doctor! It's causing her pain to communicate with the Doctor and betray her masters, but determined, she carries on. CONTROLLER (CONT'D): Co-ordinates five point six point one... THE DOCTOR (typing them in frantically): Don't! The solar flare's gone, they'll hear you! CONTROLLER (crying out with pain): Point four three four... no my masters, no! I defy you! Stigma seven seven... She screams. The Doctor looks up, and the wires she was attached to fall away, empty. There's nothing left but dust. THE DOCTOR: They took her. INT. SPACESHIP The Controller reappears on the floor of the spaceship. There are holes all over her body where the wires once entered her. She stands, her blind eyes staring forward. She's defiant, proud. CONTROLLER: Oh, my masters... And in the shining wall behind her, a Dalek glides towards her. CONTROLLER (CONT'D) (gleefully): You can kill me. For I have brought your destruction. The sound of a ray gun. We can see right through to her skeleton as she glows negative, and then she slumps to the floor, dead. EXT. SPACE Satellite Five, seemingly serene from the outside. INT. FLOOR 500 Jack is sitting at one of the computer terminals, the others gathered around him. MALE PROGRAMMER: Look, use that. (Gives Jack a disk): It might contain the final numbers. I kept a log of all the unscheduled transmissions. JACK (peering up at him): Nice... thanks... (Holds out his hand, eyeing him in an entirely un-platonic manner). Captain Jack Harkness, by the way... MALE PROGRAMMER (shaking his hand): I'm Davitch Pavale. JACK (flirtatiously): Nice to meet you, Davitch Pavale... THE DOCTOR: There's a time and a place. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: Are you saying this entire set-up's been a disguise all along? THE DOCTOR: Going way back. Installing the Jagrafess a hundred years ago. Someone's been playing a long game. Controlling the Human Race from behind the scenes for generations. JACK (handing a small device to the Doctor): Click on this. The Doctor takes it, points it upwards, and clicks. An image of an empty expanse of space materializes above thier heads. JACK (CONT'D): The transmat delivers to that point. Right on the edge of the solar system. FEMALE PROGRAMMER: There's nothing there. THE DOCTOR: It looks like nothing. 'Cause that's what this satellite does. Underneath the transmission, there's another signal... MALE PROGRAMMER: Doing what? THE DOCTOR: Hiding whatever's out there. Hiding it from sonar, radar, scanner... They all stare up at the blank expanse of space. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): There's something sitting right on top of Planet Earth... but it's completely invisible. Lynda chews her lip. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): If I cancel the signal... He presses a few buttons, and when he looks back at the screen, the expanse of space is no longer empty. Right in front of them is a spaceship, revolving slowly. The Doctor stares at it, eyes wide. We zoom out... reveal more and more... EXT. SPACE Carry on zooming out, revealing ship after identical ship. Two hundred of them. INT. FLOOR 500 JACK: That's impossible. I know those ships... they were destroyed. THE DOCTOR (hushed): Obviously, they survived. LYNDA: Who did? Who are they? THE DOCTOR (fearful): Two hundred ships. More than two thousand on board each one. That's just about half a million of them. MALE PROGRAMMER: Half a million what? THE DOCTOR: Daleks. INT. SPACESHIP A Dalek enters an area on the spaceship, where several others are crowded. DALEK 2: Alert! Alert! We are detected! DALEK 1: It is the Doctor! He has located us! Rose, huddled against the foot of the wall, stares around at them all, her eyes wide. DALEK 1: Open communications channel! Dalek 2 swivels around to face Rose. DALEK 2: The female will stand. Stand! Rose stands. The Dalek looks up and an image materializes in mid-air: the Doctor, Jack, Lynda, the Male Programmer and the Female Programmer all staring back at Rose and the Daleks. INT. FLOOR 500/INTERCUT WITH SPACESHIP The Doctor is grim, looking at the three Daleks flanking Rose with distaste. DALEK 1: I will talk to the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Oh, will you? That's nice. Hello! He waves at them mockingly, his fake grin fading rapidly. DALEK 1: The Dalek Stratagem nears completion. The Fleet is almost ready. You will not intervene. THE DOCTOR: Oh, really? Why's that then? DALEK 1: We have your associate. You will obey or she will be exterminated. Rose, shaking, looks up at the Doctor on the screen. THE DOCTOR: No. As one, Jack, Lynda, the Male Programmer and the Female Programmer jerk their heads in his direction. Rose stares, mouth slightly open. What's he doing? DALEK 1: (clearly not having anticipated this answer): Explain yourself. THE DOCTOR: I said: no. DALEK 1: What is the meaning of this negative? THE DOCTOR: It means: no. DALEK 1: But she will be destroyed. THE DOCTOR (standing in his passion): No! 'Cos this is what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna rescue her. Rose listens, the pride evident in her eyes. The others glance at him in awe. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (true hero, fiery) : I'm gonna save Rose Tyler from the middle of the Dalek Fleet, and then I'm gonna save the Earth, and then just to finish off, I'm gonna wipe every last stinking Dalek outta the sky! DALEK 1: But you have no weapons! No defences! No plan! THE DOCTOR (grinning): Yeah. And doesn't that scare you to death? Rose? ROSE (eagerly) : Yes, Doctor? THE DOCTOR: I'm coming to get you. He clicks the device, and the communication line closes. INT. SPACESHIP DALEK 1: The Doctor is initiating hostile action! DALEK 2: The Stratagem must advance. Begin the invasion of Earth! They spin around wildly. Rose gasps but they take no notice of her, and she steps out of their way. DALEK 3: The Doctor will be exterminated! DALEKS: Exterminate! The entire ship is filled with thousands of Daleks crying "exterminate! " as one. Rose looks around in terror at the huge, insane army. TO BE CONTINUED...

The Doctor, Rose, and Jack wake up from amnesia into various reality television and game shows ; the Doctor is in a Big Brother -like house, Rose is a contestant on The Weakest Link , where those eliminated are thought to be disintegrated by the Anne Droid, and Jack is on a What Not to Wear -like show where two female robots offer to give contestants a new image. The Doctor and Jack escape from their shows and find they are on Satellite 5, one hundred years after the Doctor's last visit, where it is run by the Badwolf Corporation and known as the Game Station. The Doctor, Jack, and Big Brother contestant Lynda find Rose as she is disintegrated on The Weakest Link , and they travel to Floor 500, where Jack figures out the contestants are not disintegrated, but rather transmitted to a point in space. They learn that Rose has arrived on a ship containing Daleks, and the Doctor vows to rescue her and destroy the Daleks, which prompt the fleet of almost half a million Daleks to begin invading Earth.

fd_The_O.C._02x20

fd_The_O.C._02x20_0

Seth: hungry Ryan: no Seth: (makes an ' I can relate' expression) me neither (puts the bowl down) (Ryan sighs. Seth sits next to him at the end of the counter) Seth: (sighs) hey (touches Ryan's shoulder) (Ryan looks at him) dude you cannot blame yourself, alright (Ryan shakes his head and rubs his eyes) all you did was give Trey a chance an you believed in him an its like look (Ryan sighs) whatever he did at Marissa's party that's all on him Ryan: the thing is (looks at Seth) I don't think he did it...I mean Treys alott'a things but eh I don't know I jus don't think he's a drug dealer Seth: ok, so then (Ryan listens) when the cops showed up an asked who's responsible for the...girl floating in the pool he was like what (Ryan sighs) (puts his hand up) I'm an ex-con, on parole I know, ill say me (waves his hand) Ryan: no I think that when the cops showed up an went to put the cuffs on Marissa he did what he had to do (looks at Seth) ta stop em Seth: (looks at Ryan) what makes you say that Ryan: I was...about to do the same thing (Seth laughs and nods his head) Ryan: (laughs) yeah Seth: (thinks) sure (smiles) the compulsive need to rescue Marissa Cooper mus be in the Atwood DNA Ryan: it would explain alot Seth: well look, the good news is if he really didn't do it (Ryan looks at him) then my dad'll get him off (Sandy and Trey walk into the kitchen) Sandy: oh I wouldn't be so sure about that (Ryan looks at Trey, Trey looks at Ryan, worried. Ryan stands and slowly walks towards Trey, Trey again looks at him, unsure what Ryan is thinking) Ryan: (softly) hey (puts his hand on the back of Treys neck and pulls him into a tight hug {just as Trey has done to him a few times, aww}) (Trey is thrown by this, but definitely happy. he touches Ryan's back briefly. Ryan pulls away and looks at Trey) Trey: I...thought you'd be mad at me Ryan: why would I be mad (smiles) I mean...you didn't do it right Trey: no man no way...its jus when I...saw em about to take Marissa off I (Ryan looks at him) had to do somethin Sandy: from the gallantry and or stupidity with defences to felony dealing charges (Ryan and Trey look at Sandy) he'd be a free man (holds out coffee to Trey) here why don't you go get settled in the pool house Ryan: (looks at Trey) what...you're uh staying with us again Trey: I...am in Sandy's custody (walks away) it's the only way he could get the judge not ta lock me up (Ryan watches Trey leave the kitchen. Seth is now standing next to Sandy) Seth: (looks at Sandy) you couldn't get him off Sandy: well you know the old expression...no good deed goes unpunished (looks at Ryan) Trey is facin hard time (Ryan and Seth both look worried) Sandy: I am gonna go make some calls (leaves) (Ryan looks as though he's thinking. Seth looks at him) Ryan: (looks at Seth out of the corner of his eye) I gotta do somethin Seth: o...k (closes his eyes) but the buddy cop thing, I mean that's just a metaphor we're not actually spose'ta...solve crimes Ryan: he's my brother I gotta help him (sighs) an if that means finding the person (raises eyebrows) that's really responsible (looks at Seth) Seth: are you thinking of going under cover in a high school sting operation because that would be (thinks) very twenty one jump street of you Ryan: (small smile) whatever it takes Seth: yeah, ok (nods) I get ta be Richard Grieco Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Scene alternates between Newport group office, and Cohen bedroom. - Kirsten and Sandy are on the phone Kirsten: oh hey honey, how did it go with Trey Sandy: well he's outta jail for the time being but by court order he'll be staying at the Cohen half way house until next weeks hearing, you know that is...as long as it's ok with you Kirsten: well I'm guessing that he's there already (puts coffee down) Sandy: back in the pool house (smiles) Kirsten: is he ok (Sandy is now walking out of the room and into the hallway) Sandy: well...all things considered Kirsten: well, I guess ill tell Carter that we can't go to Santa Barbara then Sandy: oh gee I totally forgot about that, the-the the wine tasting weekend at Featherbrook (frowns) well...you go ill-ill stay with Trey Kirsten: no no that's no big deal, I mean Carter can handle the vineyard story by himself Sandy: (smiles) I don't think he's plannin on going by himself, he told me he was thinkin of askin Erin Kirsten: (suprised, raises eyebrows) Erin, really Sandy: (raises eyebrows) yeah yeah w-when I mentioned that uh you were gonna be bringin me along for the weekend, he thought it might be fun for us to go as a foursome (Sandy is now at the front door) Kirsten: well then, all the more reason for me to stay home with you, I certainly wouldn't wanna be a third wheel (laughs) (Kirsten sits behind her desk and Carter knocks, Kirsten looks over) Carter: (whispers) d'you want a coffee (points to his coffee cup) (Kirsten holds up her coffee cup and smiles) Sandy: honey, are you there (Carter walks away) Kirsten: (distracted) uh yeah um I-ill see ya at home CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Marissa is in her bedroom getting ready for school, a cheerful Julie walks in Julie: hurry up sweetie or your gonna be late for school (looks at herself in the mirror) Marissa: that's it Julie: (looks at Marissa) well yeah, it's almost eight o'clock Marissa: (frowns) whoa I don't get it, you trust me to have a few people over for a birthday party, it turns into a rager (points) someone nearly drowns in the pool an I don't even get punished Julie: well you know it's not your fault, these things can happen...plus (frowns) if I punished you i'd have'ta tell Caleb about it wouldn't I Marissa: oh, so he's finally coming home Julie: yes tonight, an I'm planning a special welcome home celebration for him (Marissa looks at her) (smiles) don't worry it's a party for two Marissa: (screws up her face) gross Julie: personal sacrifices I have'ta make in order to keep a roof over our heads are nobody's business but my own Marissa: ok, really gross (goes to leave) Julie: hey, all I'm asking is that we not mention any lesbian dalliances or...bodies in the pool, ok Marissa: maybe I should stay with Summer tonight, I mean that way you don't have'ta worry about me slipping up with Caleb and y (frowns) you can make...all the personal sacrifices you want (Julie smiles) CUT TO: Harbor school - we see kids walking around outside, then we see the student lounge. Summer is sitting on the couch by herself with a coffee, looking almost sad. Zach comes over Summer: (looks up) hi Zach: (sits) where's Cohen Summer: wouldn't know (sighs) I'm avoiding him Zach: (nods) because of the Reed thing Summer: yeah, he deliberately (looks at Zach) led me to believe that she was a he...she who happens to be cute an obsessed with his precious comic book Zach: (corrects) graphic novel (smiles) Summer: whatever, he's turning into a subdolous ego maniac Zach: (impressed) subdolous (smiles) Summer: yeah, it's from my word'a the day calendar, it means sneaky an underhanded (raises eyebrows) not ta be trusted (nods, laughs) (Zach smiles) (Summers smile goes suddenly and we see why. Seth sits in front of her, mouths 'hi' and does a small wave) Summer: well you ears must'a ben burning, to bad there not on fire Seth: jus wait a second (puppy dog face) (holds up a single flower) this is for you, I keep the rest in a vase at my house (Summer looks at him) (Zach looks from Summer to Seth) an every morning I take one out an I bring it to school (closes his eyes) just hoping that I run inta you so I can apologise (kisses the flower then holds it out to Summer) (Zach looks from Seth to Summer) Summer: (softens slightly) its actually kinda sweet (takes flower) Seth: an to sweeten the mea culpa even a little bit further, guess who got you a ticket to Death Cab (holds up ticket) tonight (Summer slightly smiles and goes to take the ticket from Seth) Zach: whoa hey (Summer looks at him) didn't you check your e-mail, Reed read your first draft (Seth looks at him out of the corner of his eye) of Atomic County Seth: and Zach: she loved it (smiles) Seth: ok Summer: well good, I mean that means that this graphic...book (looks at Zach) things finally over Zach: not exactly, she has notes (Summer doesn't look happy) Seth: well I thought you said she loved it Zach: (nods) she does, note giving is jus the (thinks) publishers way of showing their creative investment in a project (Seth doesn't look thrilled) she wanted to do it earlier but you know we had the whole school thing so we're doin it later at her place (Summer closes her eyes, disappointed) Seth: uhhhh (shakes his head, puts a finger up) no there's um there's-there's Death Cab an I have you know Summer (Summer smiles) and uh Death Cab so (shakes his head) Zach: (frowns) Seth, you can't blow this off (Seth closes his eyes) she's ben working around our schedule already (Summer looks at Seth, hopeful) Seth: well (sighs) ok can we meet up after I guess (Summer doesn't look happy) I hear they play long sets Summer: whatever Mr. subdolous (slams the flower down and leaves) Seth: Mr. subdolous Zach: new villain (smiles) you should pitch it to Reed tonight (Seth looks confused) (stands) see ya buddy (we now see Marissa and Ryan walking together outside, down the stairs) Marissa: Trey should've jus let me get arrested, be alot easier for Sandy to help me then him Ryan: yeah well thinkin before speaking aren't exactly Treys strong suit Marissa: so what can we do Ryan: we can find out who brought the drugs to your party, you got any ideas (looks at Marissa) Marissa: (thinks) Kyle Thompson (motions her head towards Kyle) Ryan: (looks) that guy, I've never seen him before Marissa: yeah well (looks at Ryan) he's a senior an a water polo player so you guys (laughs) don't exactly run in the same circles, but everyone says he's he guy to go to (the camera pans away from Kyle and we see Jess walking over to him {Jess is the girl who almost drown in Marissa's pool} Ryan: looks like floater girl knows him (Jess hugs Kyle) Marissa: who Jess Sather's (Jess and Kyle kiss) yeah I didn't even know she was at my party until she nearly drowned in the pool Ryan: so you know her (Jess and Kyle + friends start to walk away) Marissa: uh use to (bell rings. Ryan and Marissa start walking again) Ryan: so could you talk to her, I mean find out if Kyle's the one who hooked her up Marissa: (looks at Ryan) yeah, I can try (smiles) hey Jess Jess: (turns around as she walks passed) hey (keeps walking) (Marissa raises her eyebrows at Ryan and walks in Jess' direction. Ryan looks behind him then keeps walking) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Carter is on the phone then frowns and hangs up. Kirsten walks passed Kirsten: is everything ok Carter: yeah just (sighs) uh I invited Erin up to the (Kirsten looks over) uh wine tasting in Santa Barbara this weekend, an after a week of not hearing from her she leaves a message saying she doesn't think its a good idea for us (Kirsten looks at him) ta start seeing each other Kirsten: did she say why Carter: no, nothing (raises eyebrows) Kirsten: I'm sorry Carter: yeah me too, I mean I thought we hit it off really well at your dinner party, I even rented a sixty five mustang for the drive up there, you an uh Sandy wanna car pool Kirsten: actually we're not going, your gonna have'ta cover the piece without me Carter: you're kidding, what happened Kirsten: family emergency, Ryan's brother needs Sandy's legal help an so he's gonna be working all weekend Carter: (looks at Kirsten) well what about you I mean you can't peel away for an afternoon (Kirsten goes to say something) did I mention the uh vintage convertible, its red Kirsten: (smiles) I wish I could Carter: I'm sorry, I just I hate drinking alone (Kirsten nods, relating) well I hate drinking wine alone Kirsten: me too (laughs) Carter: (nods and looks down) alright well I will make sure to pick up a bottle of Featherbrooks finest (walks away) and I owe you guys a (points) a supper so maybe we'll do that next week Kirsten: terrific (smiles) have a great weekend Carter: you too (leaves) (Kirsten watches Carter leave, she looks almost disappointed) CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa is walking in the hall and she sees Jess standing at her locker, Marissa hesitates then walks over Marissa: Jess, hey (Jess doesn't say anything) I jus wanted to say how totally sorry I am for what happened at my party last weekend Jess: (frowns) that was your house Marissa: yeah, you ok Jess: yeah, you know, just another war story Marissa: (relates) yeah I got a few'a those Jess: right, heard about your little incident in T.J. last year Marissa: (looks at Jess) not my finest (raises eyebrows) moment, my parents were all over me after that (softly) in fact I don't really know anyone (raises eyebrows) anymore an...well I was kinda wondering if maybe you could hook me up Jess: (looks Marissa up and down) a chance to party with the legendary Marissa Cooper (Marissa looks at her, hopeful) goin to Death Cab tonight Marissa: (thinks) yeah, totally (smiles) Jess: (shuts her locker) look for me, I might know someone (walks away) (Marissa nods and watches Jess leave. Ryan walks over) Ryan: how'd it go Marissa: (looks at Ryan) I think its on (raises eyebrows, then looks back at Jess) (we see Ryan and Marissa watching Jess, who runs up to Kyle and kisses him) Ryan: I think your right CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is in there with Trey, she pulls some take away menus out of the drawer Kirsten: pick any restaurant you want (holds menus out to Trey) sort of a welcome home dinner (smiles) Trey: (looks through them) there...all...Thai...menus (Ryan and Seth come in from school) Ryan: we didn't do a whole lott'a Thai food growin up (opens the fridge) Seth: yeah, I'm convinced somewhere in our heritage a Cohen bagged himself some Asian action Ryan: mm Kirsten: Seth Seth: (to Trey) by the way ya cant go wrong with the shrimp pad Thai, in fact actually save some for me I gotta go Kirsten: where're you goin Seth: I have a incredibly inconvenient note session in Silver lake, Ryan (Ryan looks) delay Death Cab as long as you can, also (points) give one'a those flowers to Summer for me, please (leaves) Ryan: what Trey: you guys goin out tonight Ryan: uh yeah, but iiiiffff you wanna hang out when I get back Trey: I'm the one under house arrest Ry, you don't gotta baby-sit me (Sandy comes in) Sandy: hey gang (kisses Kirsten's cheek) Kirsten: hey, did you talk to the prosecutor Sandy: uh not yet, but I found out who its gonna be, this guy named Tom McGinty Ryan: so you know him Sandy: I know of him, he's a big Irish conservative uh real letter of the law type, who's got about eight kids an (looks at Trey) six are daughters Kirsten: well maybe that's a good thing, if he's a family man maybe he'll be sympathetic to Trey Sandy: an risk keeping a drug dealer near his daughters school Trey: I'm not a drug dealer Sandy: (looks at Trey) oh I know that, but he doesn't Trey: so you're saying I'm screwed Sandy: no, what I'm saying is we're gonna have'ta start working on your defense tonight CUT TO: Reeds house - we see a shot of what looks like a free way, and then we see Seth and Zach sitting with Reed outside at her house. another guy Damon is also there. Reed is holding the draft of Atomic County. it has ATOMIC COUNTY in large blue bubble writing at the top 1/4 of the background is bright red, and the rest is yellow. there are also 2 big drawings of Little Miss Vixen and the Ironist. It looks great! Reed: (sits) thanks for making the drive, I'm sure traffic outta Newport's a bitch on Fridays Seth: (anxious) eh Zach: (waves it off) nah the drive was no problem, we're jus lookin forward to hearing your thoughts an concerns (smiles) Seth: yeah, yeah as quickly as possible please Damon: well lets get started then huh (Seth motions yes) ok uh overall we're concerned (Zach takes notes) about the uh universality of Atomic County (Seth is impatient and fidgety) we're a little worried kids in the heartland there not gonna (thinks) not gonna get this world Seth: ok (puts his hand up) sure sure um (Zach nods) except I know that for me Atomics location was always sorta the back bone'a the comic strip (points) I mean that's why...I thought you guys were interested in the first place (Reed and Damon look at each other) Zach: we'll uh we'll take a look at it (smiles) (Reed smiles) Guy: ok, ok ok (Seth looks at Zach, worried) also we're wondering about uh (Zach smiles, enjoying Seth's predicament, he's still taking notes) Cosmo girl, her magic flask, could she get her power from like ooo like a sports drink instead (Seth doesn't look impressed) because legal's worried about law suits (points) from the parents'a teen alcoholics (Reed nods) um oh oh (laughs and folds his arms) oh the Ironist, oooh boy, a little cerebral (Seth and Zach look at each other, Reed looks at them) Seth: (to Zach) is he bein ironic (Damon's phone rings) Damon: oo I gotta take this (answers) yeah go Seth: (to Reed) who is that guy Reed: oh Damon's a marketing genius, we jus recruited him outta fantagraphics an he's gonna make you very very famous (Zach smiles) Seth: as what, the worst comic book authour ever Reed: he is really good at what he does and the party tomorrow night is his idea Seth: what party Zach: a party that is awesome of you (smiles) Reed: Damon thought it would be a really good idea to introduce you to everyone, get you with directors, musicians animators for your potential off shoot projects Seth: ok that's that's-that's great but we're kind of I I I- Zach: so there (smiles) thank you (Seth looks at him) Reed: an I want you to bring your girlfriend, cause everyone is dying to meet (puts her hands up like claws) Little Miss Vixen Seth: right Little Miss Vixens...a character Damon: can you come here (motions to Reed) Reed: (puts up a finger) ill be right back Seth: yeah (to Zach) (shakes his head) Summers gonna kill me, I say we walk, right now Zach: (looks at Seth, softy) no, we've come to far to blow this Seth: even if those were good ideas, which there not (raises eyebrows) a rewrite would take me like a year ok I cant do that, Summer an I would be over by then Zach: that's why you need to bring her to the party, make her apart'a the process, include her in this Seth: you really think that's a good idea Zach: definitely (Seth looks as though he's considering the idea) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy and Trey are sitting on the couch, at the coffee table together Sandy: (off screen) will you tell me again about Marissa's party (on screen) who'd you talk to Trey: besides Ryan's friends (Sandy nods) I don't know...couple girls Sandy: the girl in the pool (looks at Trey) Trey: ...maybe Sandy: (reads) well the police report has an eyewitness claiming...that she saw you an Jess enter a room an close the door (Trey rubs his eyes, Sandy looks at him) Trey: (sighs, stands) ok, yeah look Jess an I we hit it off a little...you know talked an stuff but (shakes his head) truth is I thought we were gonna go back to my place an hook up, next thing I know the cops have arrived an she's face down in a pool Sandy: (frowns) did you see Jess take any drugs Trey: no, but it was-it was clear she was on em Sandy: where'd she get em Trey: there was this-there was this one guy (shrugs) I heard he was passin out pills Sandy: you think you might recognise him Trey: I don't-I don't know...you know he looked like every other kid in this town, tall tan an a face you jus wanna (bites his lip) flatten Sandy: do any'a these names ring a bell (holds out a list) maybe she uh she mentioned somebody or said somethin about somebody Trey: (takes the list and sits back down) no, no, look I just wanted to help Marissa out, ok (Sandy listens) nobody's ever thrown me a birthday party, an I wasn't gonna let her go to jail for it (sits back) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see shots of Death Cab performing for a few seconds then the camera pans to show that Ryan, Summer and Marissa are standing up top against the railing, watching them. Summer has the 'Seth flower' in her hands, and she's pulling off petals and dropping them below. Marissa and Ryan look as though they are looking for Jess. Summer is oblivious Summer: (sad) I can't believe Seth is missing his favourite band, you know its one thing blowing me off, but blowing off Death Cab (frowns) this comic book has totally broken him Marissa: ya seen Jess yet (Ryan looks at her) Summer: (confused, frowns) Jess, Jess Sather's (looks at Marissa) why're you looking for that coke whore (Marissa looks suprised) what, she is (Marissa doesn't say anything) (looks at Marissa suspiciously) Marissa Cooper, are you doing coke Marissa: (looks at Summer) what, no no we're- Ryan: we're helpin Trey Summer: (looks at Ryan) helping him what, score Ryan: stay outta prison, I'm gonna do a lap Marissa: well if you see her let me know ok (shrugs) or Kyle Summer: (pulls more petals off) or Seth (throws the petals down) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - we see this from an aerial view. Julie is lying on their bed in a sexy little number. and the bed, and herself are covered in hundreds of rose petals. Julie fixes her hair. Caleb: (off screen) Julie (sound of the door shutting) Julie: (calls) I'm up here Caleb: (off screen) would you come down here please Julie: (calls) why don't you come up here... (smiles) welcome home sailor (Caleb walks in) Caleb: (emotionless) what's all this Julie: what'does it look like Caleb: it looks like one of your movies Julie: (hurt) ...that's not funny Caleb: (turns the light on) not suppose'to be (Julie gets off the bed) I 've spent the last few weeks trying to get passed the (thinks) incident (Julie puts a gown on and looks at him) turns out I cant Julie: (moves closer) ...I've...missed you...after all this time I was hoping maybe you missed me too Caleb: cancel whatever spa treatment you had booked for tomorrow, we need to have a very serious discussion Julie: about what Caleb: I have a meeting with my lawyers in the morning...we'll talk after that Julie: (nods) lawyers...what exactly are you saying Caleb: ill let my attorney talk for me (Caleb leaves the room and Julie watches him, it almost looks like she's going to cry) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see more of Death Cab then we see Marissa and Summer walking away from the railing Summer: I mean where other then the Bait Shop are tickets always plentiful and the band never to loud to talk over, Cohen is missing it (touches Marissa) hello (Marissa shrugs, still looking for Jess) Summer: (sees Jess handing out fliers) huh, here comes your girl Marissa: (sees, panics) oh no uh I'm blanking, say something Summer: (whispers) what, oh my god Jess (hugs Jess) hi member me Summer Roberts, we had tap an jazz together in fourth grade (does a dance move) shuffle ball change Jess: (looks at Summer) right Marissa: (laughs) don't mind my friend she's really (raises eyebrows and looks at Summer) really stoned (looks at Summer with a 'right' expression) Summer: (plays along) totally very - very high, isn't this place like so visual (Jess looks at her) Marissa: (to Jess) so d'you wanna go sit down (motions) Jess: cant, looking for a friend (goes to walk away) Marissa: the kind who could hook me up Jess: (looks at Marissa) actually he lost his stash last weekend (raises eyebrows) but he's takin orders for tomorrow night, you want in Marissa: (smiles) definitely Jess: water polos throwing a party (hands Marissa a flier) we can meet up there, here's the address, cash only Marissa: no problem Jess: (to Summer) how bout you Summer: hmm (looks at Marissa) oh no strictly ganja, yeah what's from the earth is of the greatest worth (smiles) (Jess looks at her then walks away) Marissa: I am gonna kill you (looks at Summer, then at the flier) Summer: (worried) I hope you know what you're doing CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Sandy comes in and Kirsten is lying on the bed working. Sandy looks exhausted Kirsten: how is he Sandy: oh he's scared, he's frustrated turns out Trey knew the girl in the pool (sits on the bed) police have an eyewitness to confirm it Kirsten: that's not good Sandy: none of it is (shakes his head) I gotta keep this from goin to trial but there is no way that prosecutor will cut a deal Kirsten: that's because he only knows Trey on paper Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) oh honey...your a genius Kirsten: I am Sandy: yeah, a genius (kisses Kirsten) Kirsten: mm Sandy: what're you workin on Kirsten: notes for the wine tasting article, something to keep Carter focused after his seventh pinot since he will be attending un chaperoned Sandy: (suprised) what happened with Erin Kirsten: uhh it didn't work out Sandy: oh that's to bad I thought those two were a perfect match (looks at the brochure) honey this is gorgeous...wow...you should go up there with Carter Kirsten: I...should be here (smiles) Sandy: well there's nothin you can do for Trey (Kirsten looks at him) he knows your behind him Kirsten: I guess if we leave early enough we could be...back in time for dinner Sandy: ill make the dinner, you bring the wine (Kirsten smiles) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see more of Death Cab then we see Ryan amongst the crowd, he looks around and sees Kyle near the bar. Kyle appears to be waiting/looking for someone. Ryan walks over Ryan: man it's packed in here tonight (Kyle looks around, ignoring Ryan) oh hey, don't I know you, from that house party last weekend Kyle: (looks at Ryan) I don't think so Ryan: Kyle right, man that party was outta control, heard some chick almost OD'd in the pool Kyle: (looks at Ryan) is that right (Ryan makes a 'yeah motion' Kyle looks over and sees a guy standing near the stairs. the guy motions for Kyle to go over to him. Kyle walks passed Ryan and over to the guy, Ryan turns around and watches them. the guy looks as though he had pulled something out, and Kyle puts his hands over it, sort of like saying not here. put it away. Ryan watches, suspiciously trying to get a better look. Kyle goes up the stairs and the guy follows him. Ryan pushes through the crowd and tries to follow them. at the top of the stairs he is stopped by a very disappointed Seth because Death Cab have just said 'good night OC') Seth: (closes his eyes) I - cannot - believe I missed Death Cab jus kill me (Ryan is looking behind Seth, to where Kyle and the guy are standing. Seth is oblivious) Seth: seriously shoot me in the face (Ryan is still watching) speaking of which is Summer around I need your help, I have a little (puts his hand on his face) quagmire ta un quagmire (notices he doesn't have Ryan's attention, and that he's looking past him) what (goes to turn around) (Ryan grabs Seth's shoulder hard and faces him back to himself, hoping Seth didn't just draw attention to them) Seth: (realises) oh is that the guy (Ryan sighs) is that- hey are you on a bust right now (Ryan looks at him) holy dude what can I do, jus give me a job (Ryan notices Kyle and the guy are now leaving) Ryan: (softly) how bout stay out of it (tries to follow them) Seth: (follows) help me, I wanna-I wanna help (runs into a girl) I'm really sorry about that (Ryan and Seth are now outside. Ryan looks around and there is no sign of Kyle or the other guy anywhere. Ryan is breathing heavily and doesn't look impressed) Seth: (points forward) well there not that way, cause that's the ocean so (looks to the left) (Ryan closes his eyes and swallows, frustrated) CUT TO: A cafe or restaurant of some sort - Sandy and Trey are standing just outside, watching Tom inside, who is eating Sandy: there he is Trey: (looks) sooo what'do we say Sandy: (looks at Trey) you say nothing, you stay right here (nods) (the next thing we see is Sandy walking over to Tom) Sandy: big mac Tom: (looks at Sandy) Tom McGinty Sandy: Sandy Cohen (shakes Tom's hand) Tom: Sandy Cohen (squints) why do I know that name Sandy: I've ben tryin'a get in touch with you for the last several days from the DA's office (Tom nods) I represent Trey Atwood (motions to Trey) Tom: (looks over, then back at Sandy) what is this, an ambush Sandy: no, no no no no I...I'm jus hopin we can put together a deal Tom: the kid was caught dealing on parole, you know something I don't Sandy: yeah (looks at Tom) you got the wrong guy Tom: they got his confession, they got eye witnesses placing him with the girl who OD'd and a bag of ecstasy matching her tox screen recovered at the scene (Trey walks up) Trey: check it for fingerprints (Sandy and Tom look at Trey) Sandy: Trey Trey: I never touched it sooo my fingerprints won't be on it Tom: your right, no ones are...an who'd known that except the guy who wiped the bag clean Sandy: not another word Trey (Trey walks away, frustrated) (to Tom) two years probation, plus a hundred hours'a community service Tom: that kid is lookin at least a year for the parole violation alone, none'a those kids at the party have so much as a traffic ticket so unless you got another suspect for me, there's not gonna be a deal (Sandy looks worried) CUT TO: The vineyard - Carter and Kirsten walk into a room where other people are standing around Kirsten: except for my hair issue, great call on the convertible Carter: well that's the way the California coast was meant to be seen an your hair looks uh...(Kirsten looks at him) great Kirsten: liar (folds her arms) for your punishment I control the radio on the way home Carter: no, no one who has won on American Idol ever sings in my car Kirsten: well consider yourself lucky, if it was Sandy you'd be listening to torch songs an show tunes Carter: preferable (a woman comes out and everyone claps) W: members of the press, honoured guests, I'd like to welcome you all to my family's winery, unfortunately my grandfather chief Featherbrook is in poor health an will be unable to join us this afternoon Kirsten: (disappointed) oooh that's a shame, I was hoping to get a glimpse of the old guy Carter: I think he's a marketing gimmick (takes 2 glasses of wine) like the jolly green giant (hands Kirsten a glass) hey maybe we can turn this article into an expos (Kirsten looks at him) W: mountain range running east to west rather then north to south (Kirsten smells the wine, Carter holds his up and looks at it) my grandfather is convinced it's what gives the grape its unique flavour Carter: hail to the chief (Carter and Kirsten clink glasses, Kirsten smiles) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The party for Seth and Zach at Reed's - Seth and Summer are walking towards the house, Summer isn't happy Summer: I can't believe your big apology dinner has turned into make me even madder party in silver? you know, if the cab ride home didn't cost three hundred dollars I would so be outta here Seth: listen, I understand that your here on false pretenses I was jus sorta hopin that once we got here you'd try an make the best of it (they are now inside. Summer is standing there with her arms folded) Reed: (sees) hey guys, come in Seth: (waves) hey Reed: (touches Seth on the back) everyone the man of the hour has arrived (everyone claps, including an unenthusiastic Summer) allow me to introduce to you the architect an illustrator of Atomic County Seth Cohen Seth: hi, hi, hi (shakes different peoples hands) oh (random girl kisses him on the cheek) Reed: his creative partner Zach (Zach smiles, Summer walks in more) and of course Little Miss Vixen herself (Seth looks at Summer, Summer looks at him. Zach looks as though he's enjoying their tension) Zach: (walks over to Seth) dude Seth: hey Zach: ? is in the kitchen right now an he wants to meet you Seth: (suprised) of the vixer uh no I don't I don't know what'do you say to somebody like that (smiles) the guys a legend Reed: and he's a big fan of yours and he's about to leave so (Seth looks at Summer as Reed pulls him away) Summer: (rolls her eyes) jus go (Summer looks away and Zach walks over) Zach: (smiles) you wanna go an get a drink Summer: yes (closes her eyes and nods) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is at the kitchen table working, Ryan Marissa and Trey come in from outside Sandy: (looks up) oh I-I lost track'a time, you guys ready for dinner Ryan: uh actually we need to talk to you Sandy: sure Ryan: well uh- Trey: (puts his hand up) wait wait uh...no matter what happens...I jus wanted to thankyou for all the work you've done (Sandy looks at him) nobody's ever gone out on a limb like this for me...time an time again (Ryan looks from Trey to Sandy) ill never forget it Sandy: your talkin like we're already defeated, look I...ill admit there's alotta work to be done but it aint over till it's over Trey: all due respect (laughs) I was there too, I know I'm goin down Sandy: oh look...I know things look bad...but now is not the time to give up Ryan: no we're not we um (Sandy looks at him) we know who the dealer is Sandy: who Marissa: a guy at school Sandy: (raises eyebrows) well we're gonna need proof Ryan: an I think we can get it (Sandy looks at him) tonight (Sandy looks from Ryan to Marissa. Marissa looks from Sandy to Trey. Ryan looks at Trey. Trey looks at Ryan and Marissa, then Sandy) CUT TO: Mermaid Inn - we hear a knock on the door, and then we see Lance open it. Julie is standing there Julie: (looks up) can we talk (Lance looks at her) I jus need a drink Lance: I got whiskey (motions for Julie to come in) (Julie walks in) make yourself at home (shuts the door) Julie: so Caleb's ben behind closed doors all day with his lawyers, as of tonight (sits) it's over for me (Lance puts a drink down for her) me an my girls are out on the street with nothin (drinks) Lance: no prenup (sits) Julie: I think a p0rn scandal more then nullifies it Lance: ...listen, Caleb's old, his health is not good (Julie looks at him) I know a guy that can get some pills (Julie listens) I could switch out his medicine while your outta town, no one'll suspect a thing then you can live the life you deserve (Julie raises her eyebrows) an never worry about anybody takin that away from you, ever again Julie: (looks at Lance) you're serious, aren't you Lance: as a heart attack (Julie looks at Lance as if she's going to say something but then pulls out her cheque book) what're you doin Julie: I'm writing you a cheque Lance: you don't gotta pay me ta kill your husband Julie: it's not for that...it's to get you outta town (looks at Lance) I'm not a murderer, neither are you (tears off the cheque and hands it to Lance) I never should've come here (the next thing we see is Julie coming out of Lance's motel room. Julie and Lance stand opposite each other) Lance: well (sighs) good luck babe Julie: (touches Lance's cheek and he smiles) good bye Lance (kisses Lance) (as Julie and Lance kiss the screen changes from colour to black and white, and we see several still images of them which resemble pictures being taken. they are all at different distances, we also hear a camera sound) CUT TO: The vineyard - Carter and Kirsten are sitting at the bar together, drinking wine. they are both tipsy Carter: you know, they should implement the bucket concept in fast food chains, all the flavour none'a the calories Kirsten: (laughs) your sick Carter: (laughs) yeah W: ladies an gentleman thankyou so much for coming, we look forward to your reviews (everyone claps) Kirsten: how many (frowns) wines have we tasted Carter: according to my notes (reads) I stopped taking notes Kirsten: (laughs) well should we fire ourselves for drinking on the job Carter: drinking was the job, and I did my job really well cause I'm hammered Kirsten: (laughs) you can't be you have'ta drive Carter: I'm not driving, are you kidding with the cliffs an the ocean an the windy roads (screws up his face) no way, you drive Kirsten: oh no no no no no I cant drive, I have had as much to drink as you have an I'm half the (knocks Carters glass with her hands) si- ooo Carter: oh (the wine went over Carters top) Kirsten: (frowns) oh I'm sorry Carter: point well taken (a woman walks over) Carter: ah excuse me um yes that's ok it'll be alright (wipes his arm) could you uh uh possibly find a driver for us tonight we failed to make proper use of the uh silver bucket (points) W: are you staying locally Carter: uh no, Orange County actually W: ooh I'm sorry (Carter motions 'yeah) but I could offer you a guest suite if you'd like to stay here tonight (Kirsten and Carter look at each other) Carter: what'do you think should we uh expense it uh-hm Kirsten: (smiles) I-I-I guess we don't have a choice (laughs) (Kirsten stops laughing and almost looks worried) CUT TO: Sandy and Trey sitting in a car together. - we see not far from them that a party is going on. we then see Marissa and Ryan arrive G: whose list are you on Marissa: uh Jess' Marissa Cooper G: (to Ryan) you on Jess' list to Ryan: no (smiles) (the guy turns around and looks at Kyle. Kyle sees that it's Ryan and shakes his head) G: (nods to Kyle) then you can't come in, sorry dawg Marissa: (to Ryan as she walks passed) meet me around the side'a the house (the guy steps aside and lets Marissa in. Marissa walks away then looks back at Ryan. Ryan looks at her. Marissa disappears in the crowd. Ryan watches) CUT TO: Inside the party - we see the party in full swing, and then we see Marissa making her way through the crowd. it's pretty dark. Marissa opens like a side door and lets Ryan in. Ryan walks in and Marissa shuts the door, they both make their way through the crowd Ryan: this really is the dark side, any sign'a Kyle Marissa: no, but he probably shouldn't see you here (Marissa looks over and sees Kyle at the far end of the room) Marissa: come on (we see Kyle heading towards Marissa and Ryan. then we see that Marissa is facing towards Kyle, and Ryan is standing closely in front of her so Kyle can only see the back of him as him and his mates walk by. Ryan and Marissa are about kissing distance away from each other and looking into each others eyes, there is definitely a moment between them. an out of it Jess walks over and stops anything from happening. Ryan moves away) Jess: hey Marissa (hugs Marissa) oh my god you came Marissa: hey Jess Jess: you look so beautiful tonight Marissa: (looks at Jess) thanks, you're in a good mood Jess: candy flipping Marissa: (confused) candy flipping Jess: yeah ecstasy an mushrooms, good for the body an the mind Marissa: sounds perfect (smiles) Jess: come with me girly girl (pulls Marissa away) (Marissa looks over at Ryan, who is watching near by. Ryan follows) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Caleb is sitting on the couch in the dark, the way its set up looks creepy. Julie opens the door and the light shines on Caleb's legs. Julie turns the light on and then sees Caleb sitting there Caleb: where've you ben, we had plans to talk Julie: I'm here now...lets talk Caleb: are you sure you don't want to (Julie looks at him, sadly) shower or something Julie: you may not believe this (Caleb looks at her) but I put everything I had inta this marriage...I wanted it to work just as much as you did Caleb: oh I doubt that...no one hates to fail more then I do...but here we are Julie: jus say it Caleb (teary) you want a divorce Caleb: (stands and moves over to Julie, he wipes a tear away with his thumb) these real tears Julie: (looks at Caleb, as tears fall down her cheeks) no ones more suprised (shrug) then me (closes her eyes) Caleb: alright then (Julie looks at him) we'll give it one more chance Julie: (confused) what Caleb: while standing here I realise I still have feelings for you...I owe it to both of us to explore that Julie: (wipes her cheek) I don't know what to say Caleb: thankyou, I suppose (smiles) (Julie looks at him) put on something nice, ill take you for dinner (as Caleb walks away and towards the camera he goes from smiling and gentle to cold and emotionless. it seems as though Caleb is up to something, and he was just putting up a front with Julie) CUT TO: The vineyard - Kirsten and Carter are in the room together. Carter pours some of the mini bar alcohol into a glass. Kirsten comes out of the bathroom holding Carters shirt with the wine stain Kirsten: its ruined I'm sorry Carter: oh that's ok, shall we uh (holds up his glass) drink to its demise Kirsten: defeats the purpose of sobering up doesn't it (smiles) Carter: yeah...but...there's a mini bar Kirsten: (looks at Carter for a second) I should call Sandy Carter: (nods) yeah...an I should take a shower, I smell like a fermented grape (Kirsten looks down as Carter walks by and takes his shirt off, as he walks into the bathroom. we hear the door shut and Kirsten closes her eyes) CUT TO: Sandy and Trey still in the car near the party - they are both watching the party that Ryan and Marissa are at Trey: (off screen) I have a confession (on screen) I was gonna take off tonight...get outta town...never look back Sandy: well legal problems of this nature have a way of re surfacing...the only way to deal with them is head on Trey: yeah that's what Ryan said Sandy: he's a smart kid (phone rings, he answers) yeah, you alright Kirsten: I I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, I couldn't get a signal at the winery Sandy: oh that's ok, you guys on the road Kirsten: uh neither of us are actually in the right shape to drive just yet so Sandy: a little too much Indian spirit huh...well drive back in the morning Kirsten: are-are you sure (raises eyebrows) Sandy: yeah, I mean it's not worth dyin over, I don't want either of you behind the wheel if you've ben drinkin (Kirsten closes her eyes) I love you (we hear the the sound to say Sandy has hung up, and in the background we can hear Carters shower running. Kirsten hangs up the phone - we then see Trey and Sandy in the car again) Trey: (looks at Sandy) you know I gotta tell you somethin...I don't know to many men who'd let their wives spend the night with another guy...no less suggest it Sandy: how many men you know'a ben married for twenty years (we then see Kirsten sitting on the bed in the room, we can still hear the shower running in the background. Kirsten looks as though she's struggling to keep it together. she looks over and sees herself in the mirror, that is interrupted by a knock at the door. Kirsten gets off the bed and goes to the door to open it. the woman from earlier is standing there) W: I'm sorry to disturb you Kirsten: oh your not, its fine (smiles) W: I was able to locate a car if you still needed one Kirsten: oh, uh (looks back into the room, then back at the woman) that's (frowns, unsure) can I call you W: certainly (hands Kirsten a card) the numbers on the back if you'd like to call directly Kirsten: thankyou (smiles) (Kirsten takes a deep breath and shuts the door) CUT TO: The comic book party - Reed, Seth and Summer are outside together. Summer looks bored out of her mind. Damon is standing up, talking Damon: you know I-I jus think that...the cross promotional opportunities for Atomic County are endless w-we're talkin fast food ? action figures, NASCAR Seth: (suprised) NASCAR W: kids are really inta body sprays there days, I'm thinking a different scent for each character (Seth looks over whelmed) G: mm, it's never too early to start developing multimedia franchises Seth: (looks at the guy, dazed) right...what'do ya mean Damon: Atomic County online (Seth looks at him) video games Seth: my own video game Damon: this time next year why not a-Atomic County (thinks) TV show Seth: oooo (W smiles) ooo that's not so bad, with like- Summer: (touches Seth's shoulder, whispers) Seth Seth: (looks) yeah Summer: (whispers) I need ta talk to you Seth: (puts his finger up) wait one second (to Damon) do you think (Summer waits, not impressed) are you-are you talkin about like animation or are you talkin about live action Damon: why not a hybrid Seth: (taking it in) why not a hybrid Summer: (whispers) Seth (hits his shoulder) Seth: (puts a finger up, whispers) ok wait one second Summer: (grabs Seth's finger, mad) no you did not jus give me the finger (pulls Seth away) Seth: I didn't give you the finger Summer: Seth I want to go home now Seth: (clueless) why, are you not having fun Summer: no I'm not, these people are annoying (Zach walks up to Seth and Summer, Reed etc are hearing what Summer is saying about them) they think that they are so smart and they are so cool with their messy hair an their dirty clothes (screws up her face) that they bought that way (Seth sighs) they play their retro board games an they drink wine, for fun (frowns) eww (raises eyebrows) (Seth goes to say something) Reed: (stands) id like ta make a toast (Seth and Summer look over, Summer folds her arms, not happy) ta Seth an his subversive vision an those that inspire it, the real Little Miss Vixens of the world Damon: god save us all (everyone laughs. Summer just stands there as if she can't believe this is happening. Seth almost laughs, but Summer looks at him before walking off) Reed: here here Seth: what, its fun its fun its good time (Reed and Damon clink their glasses. Seth follows Summer who is walking away from him) Seth: I don't...see what you're so mad about, you didn't make any effort, god I asked ya like five times ta join the conver- Summer: (stops) hey Zach (Zach turns around) can I have a ride home Zach: yeah sure Summer: (relieved) thanks Seth: Zach, what're you...doing (Zach smiles, smugly) Summer: goodbye Cohen (Summer walks away, Zach looks at Seth for a second before joining her. Seth just stands there helplessly. Reed walks over) Reed: Seth we need you Seth: Summer wa- (Summer and Zach walk out of the gate, Summer looks back at Seth for a second. Zach again grins at Seth before shutting the gate) Reed: come on then (laughs) we're playing board games (pulls Seth away) Damon: (smiles) I smell Italian? Reed: oh stop (laughs) (Seth looks back in the direct of where Summer and Zach were) Damon: huh (laughs) Reed: (laughs) let's go everybody Seth: (un enthusiastically) what board games are we playing Reed: (yells) come on, we're going to the board room CUT TO: The vineyard - Kirsten is sitting on the edge of the bed. Carter comes out of the bathroom in a white robe Carter: (dries his hair) nothing like five star water pressure (sighs, sits on the bed) you ok Kirsten: uh yeah I just uh, a little it's the wine (laughs) Carter: (points) there's a...hers bathrobe an some fuzzy slippers in the closet (softly) you wanna um uh (looks at Kirsten) take a shower Kirsten: (looks at Carter) Carter...(Carter looks at her) ...uh they found a car for us Carter: (almost disappointed) oh...well that's a good thing, right Kirsten: (looks at Carter) I need to go home Carter: (nods) yeah, ok (sniffs) ill go get dressed (smiles) (Carter goes back into the bathroom and Kirsten looks confused) CUT TO: The water polo party - we see kids dancing, drinking having a good time. then we see Marissa leaning up against a door way, she appears to be watching someone. Ryan comes up next to her Ryan: what's happening Marissa: (looks at Ryan) there outside (shrugs) talking (Ryan walks away just as Jess comes over) Jess: open your hand (Marissa holds her hand out) one at a time, an drink tons'a water (Marissa looks at her) oh an stay away from the THB on this, trust me Marissa: its eighty right (smiles) Jess: Kyle thinks your cute so he only wants sixty, an an introduction (Marissa smiles) (grabs Marissa's hand) come on (as Jess pulls Marissa away, Marissa looks back at where Ryan was. Ryan appears a few seconds later. keeping an eye on them. he makes a phone call. we see Trey and Sandy in the car together and Sandy's phone rings) Sandy: (answers) Ryan...reinforcements are on there way...you be careful (hangs up) Trey: (looks at Sandy) what'd he say Sandy: (nods) we're on (Sandy goes to get out of the car - we then see Jess leading Marissa down the beach a little to Kyle. Jess gives Kyle a big kiss, smiles then touches Marissa's hand friendly' as she walks away. Marissa is now alone with Kyle, and she looks uncomfortable. Kyle looks at her) Marissa: uh hey look I jus wanted ta thankyou for hooking me up (Kyle makes an 'and' motion) but I kind'a (nervous laugh) have a boyfriend so Kyle: (moves closer) I kinda don't care (Marissa starts looking worried. Ryan comes over) Ryan: (yells) hey, back off man she's with me Kyle: (looks at Ryan) you need to get outta here bitch, this is a private party (we hear police sirens) Ryan: well hope you enjoyed it, it's probably gonna be your last (Kyle looks down the beach, and we see the police car driving up) Ryan: (to Marissa) go back inside Kyle: (angry) you're a narc (punches Ryan) (Marissa sees, and looks worried - Ryan gets up and punches Kyle back, then punches him in the stomach. Ryan forces Kyle down onto the sand and holds him there. the police pull up just as he does. Marissa looks over at the police. Tom gets out of the car and heads over to Ryan. we hear 'stay where you are' over the police speaker. Marissa looks over at Ryan and Kyle. we see Ryan still on top of Kyle. Kyle has a bloody nose, and looks out of it. the head lights of the police car are shining on him. Kyle pushes Ryan off of him and gets up. Marissa watches as Kyle tries to run. another police car pulls up and just as Kyle runs passed the door swings open and hits him, stopping him in his tracks so to speak. two police officers run over to arrest Kyle just as Trey gets out of the open door) Tom: (walks over to Trey) this is the kid you saw last week Trey: yeah, this is him (Sandy gets out of the police car) Trey: (to Ryan) you alright (we see that Ryan has a bloody nose, like Kyle) Ryan: (wipes his nose) gettin use to it &l

After the rager at Caleb's mansion, Sandy and the boys devise a plan to save another Atwood from jail time. Kirsten and Carter, fulfilling more than their editorial duties, take a trip to the wine country. Meanwhile, Caleb returns from Europe and is ice-cold to Julie's hot advances.

fd_Alias_02x14

fd_Alias_02x14_0

(In Berlin, a woman rubs her bare legs together in bed. We pan up to reveal a blonde woman. This is Emma. Next to her in bed is Lennox. She turns over to see him.) EMMA: Maybe when we're done here we should go back to Fiji. LENNOX: Yeah, we should. It was so great. (He kisses her and gets out of bed. Points to the shower.) LENNOX: I'm gonna take a shower. (Once he's gone, she rolls her eyes a little. As soon as the water starts, she jumps out of bed and moves to her closed laptop on the desk. She opens it up and starts to type an e-mail. "Abort Operation: Confirmation... Lennox is a" and she doesn't get to finish it because the door behind her creaks. She gets her gun from her bag and, aiming it, she moves towards the shower. She turns a corner. No one's there. She looks in the shower and sees that no one is in the stall. Lennox is standing behind her. She turns and he punches her in the face.) (Moments later, Lennox is sitting on the bed talking on his cell phone.) SLOANE: You're early. LENNOX: I've been compromised. (Sloane is seen walking down a hall somewhere, also talking on his cell.) SLOANE: How? LENNOX: Something I said. How do you want me to handle it? SLOANE: Use her to send a message. Make it public. (Lennox hangs up.) (At the ruined offices at SD-6, a few agents gather information and walk around. In the middle of it all stands Sydney. Vaughn enters and, once seeing her, approaches.) VAUGHN: I heard you were here. (Big smiles. She turns to face him, also smiling.) SYDNEY: I couldn't sleep. I was afraid I'd wake up and find out this was a dream. I went for a run to clear my mind. I ended up here. Any word on Dixon or Marshall? VAUGHN: They'll be in debrief for a while. Meanwhile, Sloane's been put on Interpol's most wanted list. SYDNEY: (nods) About last night... VAUGHN: Is this going to be about Alice? SYDNEY: I know it's complicated-- VAUGHN: We're not together anymore. SYDNEY: Since when? VAUGHN: Since this morning. The truth is, we've been over for a long time. (Sydney can't help it and gets a big smile on her face.) SYDNEY: I was thinking, I can actually go to the CIA through the front door. VAUGHN: And I can actually give you a ride. (In Berlin, tires screech and a van pulls up, dumps someone out the side door. People scream and run away. The van drives off and it's Emma. She's strapped with explosives.) (At the CIA ops center, Weiss walks to Kendall and the Bristows with a young blonde at his side.) WEISS: Folks, this is Christine Phillips, our new clandestine services graduate. Langley's approved her observing our operations over the next few months. PHILLIPS: Hi. WEISS: FBI Assistant Director Kendall. This is Agent Michael Vaughn. Agents Jack and Sydney Bristow. PHILLIPS: I've read your operational file. It's a real honor. (Sydney smiles a little.) (In the town square in Berlin, cops rush to the scene with their guns cocked. Emma slowly stands.) (An agent standing at several monitors, motions to Kendall and the others.) AGENT: Sir, we've got a situation in Berlin. The networks are carrying it live. I'm putting it through central display. TV ANNOUNCER: Tihs is all that we know so far. A woman apparently has been shoved out of a van -- a speeding white van, we're told. This is in a public square... SYDNEY: Oh, my God. WEISS: Sir, that is Agent Wallace. PHILLIPS: You know her? VAUGHN: She's one of ours. (The police captain gets out and speaks German to Emma. In the ops center, everyone watches the monitor.) KENDALL: Give me a better look at those explosives. AGENT: Looks like C-4. JACK: If the C-4 is wired with a remote trigger, any radio communication could cause detonation. (Close on a remote trigger. Someone presses a button on it, causing a high pitched charge. We're in a phone booth with Lennox who holds the remote. He's on the phone, speaking to Emma, who has an earpiece in.) LENNOX: You're doing fine, Emma. Just do what I told you and you will be fine. (Emma cries.) (At the ops center.) KENDALL: Patch me through to the federal office in Berlin! (to Sydney) You speak German, right? (She nods.) AGENT: We'll have satellite cover in the next thirty seconds. RICK: KH-11 coming online now! AGENT: Bump up the resolution. (The police captain speaks German through a bullhorn, getting closer to Emma.) AGENT: Sir, I've got the federal office on the line now. (Kendall gives Sydney the phone, tells her what to say as she nods.) KENDALL: Tell them to put you through to the ranking officer on site. Tell him the woman is CIA and any random radio communication could detonate the explosives. SYDNEY: (speaking German) I need to speak to the agent on site. I know he's in the middle of a tactical operation. I need to talk to him now. (The police have surrounded her. Emma is crying and starts to sing.) EMMA: All around the cobbler's bench, the monkey chased the weasel... the monkey thought it was all for good... pop... goes the weasel... (Sydney watches in horror.) EMMA: A--A penny for a spool of thread, a penny for a needle... that's the way the money goes... pop... goes... (Sydney is on the phone, waiting.) SYDNEY: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on! (The on site agent's cell rings and he picks up.) SYDNEY: (speaking German) I'm an officer for the Central Intelligence Agency-- ONSITE: I speak English. EMMA: No patience to wait 'til time goes by... SYDNEY: We're monitoring the situation. Instruct all of your agents to shut down radio communication. This woman may be wired with a remote detonator. I repeat-- ONSITE: Agent Bristow, I've already ordered radio silence. EMMA: Pop... (She blows up. Sydney and the rest watch the explosion go off. Lennox hangs up the phone. Christine runs off.) (In the ladies' washroom, Sydney takes some water from the sink and splashes it over her face. Christine is crying in one of the stalls.) SYDNEY: Excuse me... are you all right? (The door opens and she comes out.) PHILLIPS: Hi. SYDNEY: Are you okay? PHILLIPS: Sorry. I just wasn't ready for that. SYDNEY: Don't be sorry. (In a conference room with Vaughn, Sydney, Jack and Kendall.) KENDALL: The CIA lost an exemplary agent today. Those of you who knew Emma Wallace may find it difficult to focus but I'll ask you to try. For the last two months, she was tasked with a deep-cover assignment. Her objective was to gain the trust of this man -- Dr. Renzo Markovic, a former R&D scientist who's been developing a new classified technology under the project heading "Helix." He's already received preliminary bids from several terrorist organizations. SYDNEY: Weapons? KENDALL: We don't know. That's precisely the question Agent Wallace was trying to answer before she was murdered. Agent Wallace may not be the only casualty in our effort against Markovic. She was sent undercover with a partner, another CIA operative who we now presume to be captured or dead. JACK: His final satellite transmission indicated he was proceeding to Cayo Concha off the coast of the Dominican Republic. Markovic leases one of the lower floors in the Serena Del Sol resort where he conducts his research. If our operative is still alive, he's being held there. KENDALL: Agent Bristow, you're on point. Agent Vaughn, you'll be assisting. Conditions for success are twofold: acquire what intel you can on Project Helix and bring our man home. SYDNEY: Who is he? KENDALL: He's one of our most decorated agents. Here's his file. James Lennox. You leave tonight. (At Sydney and Francie's, the doorbell rings. Sydney opens it to reveal Vaughn who smiles.) VAUGHN: Hi. SYDNEY: Hi. VAUGHN: Ready to go? SYDNEY: Yeah. Come on in, I'll get my stuff. (He enters and looks around, admiring.) VAUGHN: Nice place. SYDNEY: I'm gonna get a new couch. VAUGHN: Yeah? SYDNEY: Well, I don't know... VAUGHN: So this is where you live. SYDNEY: This is where I live. VAUGHN: I love it. SYDNEY: I'm ready. (He kisses her.) VAUGHN: Okay, we, um... we should go right now. FRANCIE: Hey. SYDNEY: Francie, this is Michael... from the bank. VAUGHN: Hey, Francie. Nice to meet you. (He shakes her hand.) FRANCIE: Nice to put a face with the name. VAUGHN: Same here. (Sydney, standing behind Vaughn, points to him and mouths "This is him!"; Francie doesn't react.) SYDNEY: We should get to our plane. FRANCIE: Another business trip? SYDNEY: Just a finance conference in New York. Just overnight. FRANCIE: Well, have a good trip, you guys. VAUGHN: Thanks. It's nice to meet you. (He shakes her hand again.) FRANCIE: You, too. VAUGHN: Bye. (Sydney looks at Francie, a little puzzled.) FRANCIE: I'll see you later. (Sydney follows Vaughn out. Once they're gone, the little smile on Francie's face immediately fades.) (Cayo Concha. Sydney, wearing a bikini, comes out of a pool at the resort, dripping wet, and walks to her shoes. She gets a towel, drying off, and looks over at a man sitting nearby who is watching her. He's Arden Jezek.) (On the plane to Cayo Concha.) VAUGHN: Arden Jezek. He's Markovic's chief of security at the resort which means he's got access to Project Helix and probably knows where Lennox is being held. SYDNEY: Why aren't we going after Markovic directly? VAUGHN: Our surveillance teams say they lost track of him four weeks ago. Jezek's our best shot. (Back at the pool, Sydney smiles at Jezek as he admires the view. She puts on a warp and heads for the changing tents. He decides to follow her just as she slips off her bikini top and goes inside. Jezek enters the tent and sees Vaughn instead.) VAUGHN: Hi. (Sydney comes out from behind, her top now on, and pushes Jezek onto the table, twisting his arm back. Vaughn takes a syringe and plunges it in Jezek's neck. He groans.) VAUGHN: I've injected you with a cardio toxin, you'll have a heart attack within the hour unless you do exactly as we say. Then you get the antidote. Are we clear? JEZEK: Yeah. SYDNEY: Is Agent Lennox still alive? JEZEK: Yes! SYDNEY: Where is he? JEZEK: Sublevel, room forty-seven. SYDNEY: You'll escort us down there and you will help my partner download everything you have on Project Helix. (In an elevator heading to the sublevel, Sydney is now wearing a blond wig and stands next to Jezek and Vaughn. The doors are about to open when she looks over at Jezek.) SYDNEY: Smile. (They walk out of the elevator and head for the guard.) JEZEK: Uh, they are with me. (The guard nods. The three of them go down a hallway and Jezek swipes his card, getting clearance. They turn a corner and continue walking.) SYDNEY: I'll see you at the exit point. VAUGHN: Yeah. (Vaughn and Jezek go into one room and Sydney continues, heading for room forty-seven. She grabs a labcoat off the wall and enters.) (Flashback to the plane.) VAUGHN: Sydney, if Agent Lennox is still alive, he may have undergone psychological reconditioning. You could be walking into a trap. (She walks in and behind a curtain, she sees someone in a chair with a large machine in front of their face. Another man sits nearby.) INTERROGATOR: Let's start over from the beginning. LENNOX: I already told you everything! (His eyes are forced open by the machine and two needles are extended, centimeters away from his eyeballs. The needles move closer.) LENNOX: Aaaaaah! (Sydney enters and kicks one guard, kicks the other. She elbows the first and grabs a tray off of a nearby setup and hits the second guard across the face with it. She moves the machine off of Lennox and moves the white lights that are right in his eyes.) SYDNEY: My name is Sydney Bristow. I am a CIA agent. I've come to take you home. LENNOX: I can't see. I can't see. I can't see! (He rubs at his eyes while Sydney spots a jar on the table where she grabbed the tray. She pops off the cover and takes a whiff.) SYDNEY: They used metachlorozine on you, it's a photoreactive acid. (She takes a bandage and starts wrapping it around his head to cover his eyes.) SYDNEY: I'm covering your eyes with a bandage. Keep this bandage on or you could be permanently blind. You're okay. (In the computer room, Jezek types as Vaughn stands next to him.) VAUGHN: You're sweating because the poison is taking effect. Type and you'll be fine. (He does so.) JEZEK: Okay, you're in the system. (Vaughn elbows him in the neck and the guy slumps over. He injects him with the antidote and takes over the computer, downloading the files.) (Down the hall, Sydney tries leading a bandaged Lennox down the hall.) SYDNEY: You're doing great, you're almost out. LENNOX: My partner, Emma Wallace, has she reported in yet? (Sydney sees the guards coming and places Lennox against the wall.) SYDNEY: Stay here. (She turns and fights the first guard and then the next. More guards come. Lennox pushes up his bandage and winces at the light.) LENNOX: Ahhh! (She kicks another guard but the last one has a knife and tries to stab her. Sydney blocks it but is struggling. She knees him and the guard throws her against the wall, the knife pointed right above her. Lennox spots one of the guards' guns on the floor nearby. Half blind, he picks it up and sees the guard with Sydney. He holds the gun up and shoots the guard. The guard falls over. Sydney runs to Lennox.) SYDNEY: Oh... thank you. (They start running.) SYDNEY: Shut your eyes, shut your eyes. (They leave together.) (On the plane, Sydney puts drops in Lennox's eyes.) SYDNEY: I know. One more. (He blinks as she finishes. Vaughn opens a door and enters.) SYDNEY: Your eyes should normalize in a few minutes. Okay. LENNOX: Thank you. (She walks over to Vaughn.) VAUGHN: You okay? SYDNEY: What do you think? VAUGHN: No signs of any post-traumatic stress disorder or symptoms of behavior modification. SYDNEY: He was holding his won with the interrogators and he risked losing his sight to get us out. VAUGHN: I don't know. (She looks back at Lennox.) SYDNEY: We'll know more after the psych eval. (Vaughn smiles and goes back through the door. Sydney walks over to Lennox and sits down.) SYDNEY: How are you doing? LENNOX: I could have sworn you were a blonde. SYDNEY: I was. My hair's usually brown. Hard to keep track. LENNOX: It's nice to... see the face of the person who saved my life. So, um... where is, uh, Emma? Is she, uh... she back in LA? SYDNEY: Jim... Emma's dead. I'm so sorry. (Conference room. Lennox, Kendall, Jack, Sydney and Vaughn.) KENDALL: We know that you've been through hell, Agent Lennox, and I apologize that your homecoming had to be celebrated with a psych evaluation but you've been given a clean bill of health even though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way. JACK: Agent Wallace's death has left several questions unanswered. Can you tell us how you infiltrated Dr. Markovic's organization? LENNOX: We were hired on as freelance security expoerts at his villa in Berlin. Emma -- Agent Wallace -- gained Markovic's trust enough to become his driver. In that capacity, she was privy to a phone conversation between Markovic and someone she believed to be his superior in which they indicated Project Helix was ready for testing. KENDALL: Are you saying that Markovic answers to someone else? LENNOX: That was Agent Wallace's impression based on the conversation. They didn't use names, it was just a voice on the speakerphone. JACK: And you never heard this voice yourself? LENNOX: No. JACK: How's your eyesight? LENNOX: It's better. KENDALL: Can you tell us what led to your capture? LENNOX: When we reported to Langley the project was proceeding, we were ordered to break into the facility in Cayo Concha and hack the central database. I knew there was a good chance we'd be caught. I decided to go in alone so I could transmit the data to Emma in Berlin if I were trapped. They moved in before I could do that. KENDALL: Do you have any idea how she was compromised? LENNOX: No, I don't. KENDALL: Okay. I think we have a pretty comprehensive picture here. There's a driver waiting to take you to a safehouse nearby. Is there anything you'd like to add? LENNOX: We were engaged. (At the ops center, Weiss and Phillips watch the footage of Emma blowing up.) WEISS: So, in a case like this, we start by digitizing all the news coverage that covered the bombing. PHILLIPS: Uh-huh. WEISS: You, uh, you like Italian food? PHILLIPS: I have a boyfriend. WEISS: Yeah, me too. VAUGHN: Hey, Weiss. WEISS: Excuse me. (He walks over to Vaughn.) WEISS: I think the new girl has a thing for me. VAUGHN: I was going over Agent Wallace's contact log. She phoned in every two days like clockwork. I mean, the slightest discrepancy in protocol and she contacted us for verification. WEISS: Your point being? VAUGHN: The day Lennox says he was captured we have no record of anything from her. No warning. No extraction requestion. Nothing. Why didn't she make contact? PHILLIPS: Agent Weiss! Roll it back. (He comes over and Phillips shows him the footage again.) PHILLIPS: The flash of static right before the blast. An RF transmitter would account for the interference but all radio signals were shut off. WEISS: Wait, uh, run it back. Slow it down a little bit. (A flash of static right before the bomb goes off.) PHILLIPS: There. WEISS: So if the signal interrupted the feed it had to come from our trigger man's detonator. PHILLIPS: Which would place him within a block of this camera. WEISS: All right, find out where this news van was parked. Check all ATMs, traffic cams. All right? We may just have this guy's face on video. [SCENE_BREAK] (Evening. Sydney parks in front of the CIA safehouse and gets out, carrying a bag of groceries. She enters the house and looks around.) SYDNEY: Lennox? (A lamp is overturned and the shade of another lamp is pushed against the window. She walks in.) SYDNEY: Jim? (She finally sees him at the kitchen table with a bottle of vodka at his side. Sydney puts down the groceries.) LENNOX: Beware of the grieving man and his bottle. (He gets up and makes his way over to her, bottle in hand.) LENNOX: Emma used to say that she had spent so much of her life pretending to be other people that she was afraid she might disappear. And I have been sitting here trying to remember all her aliases and you're right. It's hard to keep track. SYDNEY: I lost my fiance last year and I know we're trained to compartmentalize things that hurt too much but I still haven't been able to do that. As hard as it is, I would rather feel it than to not feel anything. (He tries to take another drink but she stops him.) SYDNEY: Hey. (He kisses her but Sydney's not into it. She opens her eyes and he backs away, taking more steps back.) LENNOX: Oh... I'm sorry. Uh... (Sydney doesn't say anything. Someone enters.) AGENT: Agent Bristow? Agent Lennox? (Lennox and Sydney walk out to the living room and find two agents.) SYDNEY: What's going on? AGENT: Back up against the wall. SYDNEY: Wait, what is this? (One of the agents tries to take Lennox by the arm.) LENNOX: Get your hands off me! (He punches him and throws the agent on the floor. The punches the other agent and twists his arm, throwing him on the ground as well and taking the gun. Lennox aims the gun at the agents.) LENNOX: All right, stay down! Stay down! Sydney, go! GO! Go! Stay down! Go! Go, Sydney, go! (With her hands still up, Sydney walks by Lennox and goes for the door. Instead she kicks Lennox's legs out from underneath him and he falls to the floor. The two agents finally get up and have Lennox by the arms, pushing him out the door.) SYDNEY: Okay, take it easy! Take it wasy! What is it? AGENT: He's gonna be placed in federal custody. (Sydney walks in the ops center and goes up to Jack and Vaughn.) SYDNEY: What's going on? JACK: We've decrypted the specs on Project Helix that you and Vaughn obtained. The data describes a breakthrough in next-generation molecular gene therapy. It refers to a new procedure whereby a patient's face and body are reshaped to identically resemble someone else. Agent Lennox was the first test subject to be doubled. SYDNEY: Doubled how? Like cloning? JACK: Not exactly. SYDNEY: So you're saying the man we rescued isn't Agent Lennox. JACK: It's possible. SYDNEY: So who is he? JACK: Based on our intel, the procedure's first recipient was the man who created the technology. Dr. Markovic. SYDNEY: There is no way the man we have in custody is Dr. Markovic. VAUGHN: I know it sounds insane but as we were analyzing the news footage, Phillips noticed the interference of an RF signal which helped narrow our search. We got this from a traffic camera. (On the computer screen behind them, he brings up a photo of Lennox in the phone booth. The database searches and brings up one match -- Agent Lennox's profile comes up.) (Briefing room.) JACK: Over the last few years it's become common practice for wanted terrorists to employ men who look like them, decoys designed to mislead intelligence agencies. With this new procedure, that would no longer be necessary. Men like Osama bin Laden could simply be made to look like someone else. KENDALL: And clearly that is not something we can afford to have adversised on the blackmarket. SYDNEY: How is this possible without obvious scarring? JACK: The procedure isn't surgical. A patient's genetic code is altered to reshape their physical attributes. SYDNEY: Is it reversible? JACK: It's unclear. It only works on people of a certain genetic disposition and the recipient must be induced into a comotose state for several days while their cells regenerate. The data indicates the only way to distinguish the real person from the double is by an ocular scan. A flaw in the iris was deliberately built into the procedure to tell them apart. KENDALL: Even if Lennox is who he says he is, there is no real way of guaranteeing that he's not the man in that video. SYDNEY: I'm telling you, the man we rescued just had his life destroyed. He's on our side. (Lennox takes the ocular scan. His CIA profile comes up on the screen. The person conducting the test leaves the room and speaks to Sydney who waits in the adjoining one.) TESTER: He is who he says he is. (In another room, Lennox and Sydney.) LENNOX: What the hell do you mean, I've been doubled? SYDNEY: The project you were investigating-- LENNOX: Project Helix. What about it? SYDNEY: It's a prototype surgical gene resequencer. LENNOX: All right, meaning what? What does that mean? SYDNEY: Markovic created a technique that allows people to change their appearance. That's why we gave you the ocular scan, to make sure you were really you. LENNOX: Do we know who it was? The man who took my identity? SYDNEY: Dr. Markovic. LENNOX: Now I know why Emma didn't call for an extraction. She had no idea I was captured. We had a hotel room in Berlin, she thought she was with me. SYDNEY: Markovic had the Helix prototype taken off of Cayo Concha. We tracked it to a freight yard in Poland. LENNOX: He's trying to hide it. What's the next move? SYDNEY: I've been ordered to find the prototype, download the schematics and destroy it. LENNOX: I'm coming with you. (Sydney nods.) (In Poland, at the freight yard, Sydney and Lennox run across the many tracks and approach the various freighters. A guard stands on top of one of them.) SYDNEY: This is Mountaineer, we're in position in the trainyard. (Vaughn, Weiss, Jack, Kendall are back at the ops center.) VAUGHN: Copy, Mountaineer. We've got you on satellite. We're reading five guards. (In the train yard, a guard lights a cigarette.) VAUGHN: (voice over) One on the north side of track two. (Sydney takes the guard down. Another guard walks by.) VAUGHN: (voice over) One between tracks one and two. (Lennox grabs the guard, pulling him down. He climbs the ladder on the side of the freighter, going on up.) VAUGHN: (voice over) Two on the southern perimeter. (Sydney grabs the men.) VAUGHN: (voice over) And one on top of the center car. (Lennox fights the one on top and pushes him off. Another guard walks along.) VAUGHN: Wait. We just lost the last guard. Hold while we reacquire his signal. (Lennox walks in between the tracks when a gun cocks. He sees a guard pointing his gun at him. The guard is shot from behind by Sydney. At the prototype freighter, Lennox takes off his backpack and Sydney starts getting out the things needed to remove the lock. A camera and screen goes up.) LENNOX: Do you have the drill? SYDNEY: Drill. (Lennox drills in to find the appropriate triggers for the combination.) LENNOX: All right, I'm having trouble seeing the third tumbler. SYDNEY: Okay, the borescope's jammed, hang on. LENNOX: Do you have the audio? All right, here we go. All right, all right... (The lock opens.) LENNOX: We got it. SYDNEY: Okay. (The turn the lock and climb inside the lab. Sydney moves to the back while Lennox makes his way to the computer.) SYDNEY: I'm gonna rig the explosives. (Lennox sits at the computer and stars typing.) LENNOX: All right, boot camp, I'm into the data log. WEISS: Copy that, standing by to receive the schematics. (Sydney gets out the explosives.) LENNOX: All right, wait a second. According to this, the sequencer's been used twice. SYDNEY: What? LENNOX: I'm not the only one who's been doubled. SYDNEY: Who else? LENNOX: It doesn't say. (Francie, looking over her shoulder, removes the bottom tray of Sydney's television in her bedroom and places a camera in there. She replaces the cover.) (Ops center.) FEMALE AGENT: Agent Vaughn, a call was routed through the PBX that you need to take right away. (Vaughn hits a button on the phone.) VAUGHN: Who am I talking to? (Another Lennox is talking on his cell and is driving in a Jeep.) LENNOX 2: My name is James Lennox! The man you rescued is Dr. Renzo Markovic! I know that sounds impossible. He's developed some kind of genetic doubling prototype! VAUGHN: Yes, we know that. LENNOX 2: I was captured trying to infiltrate his medical lab on Cayo Concha. They knew the CIA would send in a team after me and they set you up! I just escaped twelve hours ago while they were trying to transport me off the island! VAUGHN: Where are you now? LENNOX 2: I'm in Poland! I've tracked the prototype to a freightyard here, I'm going to destroy it! WEISS: I got him, he's two miles away and traveling alone. (Jack hits the mute button so he can talk freely.) JACK: It could be Markovic. One of the guards may have alerted him and he's now trying to prevent us from sabotaging the prototype. KENDALL: There's no way to be certain. (Vaughn goes back to the second Lennox.) VAUGHN: I'd like to believe you but we just conducted a test confirming Lennox's identity. LENNOX 2: The ocular scan? The ocular scan DOESN'T WORK! That was disinformation that he wanted you to download so you would trust him! The ocular scan is a joke! JACK: Listen carefully. Do not approach the trainyard! LENNOX 2: I'm losing you! I can't hear you! Hello? I'm losing you! Hello? He-- (Lennox 2 drives up to the freightyard and cocks his gun. He gets out of the vehicle and runs towards the tracks.) (In the ops center.) VAUGHN: Put me through to Sydney on a separate channel. I only want her to hear this. FEMALE AGENT: Got it. VAUGHN: Sydney, don't react. Just listen. Do not take your eyes off the man you're with. We just got a call from someone claiming to be the real Agent Lennox. (Sydney glances over at Lennox.) VAUGHN: He's on his way to you now. It looks like he's alone. Clear your throat if you copy. (She clears her throat and stands up. Lennox is right there.) LENNOX: Backup copy. (She takes the disc and Lennox goes back to the computer.) JACK: Sydney, there is no way for us to verify the identity of either man. Disarm the man you're with and take cover so you can do the same with the man heading your way. Once they're both secure, lead them to the extraction point. We'll figure this out when they're in custody. (Sydney takes out her gun.) SYDNEY: Don't move! (He slowly turns.) LENNOX: What are you doing, Sydney? (She reaches down and takes his gun.) SYDNEY: Against the wall! On your knees! Hands behind your head! (He gets up and moves over to the wall.) SYDNEY: Put your hands behind your head! On your knees! (He goes down. She tosses him a pair of handcuffs.) SYDNEY: He's secure. How far away is the other man? LENNOX: What other man? You think I'm Markovic? VAUGHN: Cloud cover has moved over your position, we're blind. But he's got to be right there! LENNOX: Sydney, Sydney, you have to trust me! SYDNEY: Cuff yourself to the railing! LENNOX: All right, all right! (He does so.) LENNOX: If someone is headed this way claiming to be me, it's Markovic, all right? I'm telling you, he's setting us up! SYDNEY: Then why is he traveling alone? LENNOX: Because he knows if our satellite picks up a security team headed this way we won't hesitate to destroy the prototype! All right? It is his only play to get his face back! Sydney, he killed Emma, he will kill you! (She jumps out of the freighter. Lennox 2 approaches the tracks with his gun raised. Lennox tries pulling off the rail. Sydney is out in the tracks and sees Lennox 2.) SYDNEY: Hold it. Drop the gun and turn around. (Meanwhile, Lennox breaks his hand and screams a little, forcing the handcuffs off.) LENNOX 2: You don't work for Markovic. You're CIA. I'm Jim Lennox, I'm CIA too. SYDNEY: Drop the gun! Drop the gun now! (Lennox takes off the handcuff and runs out of the freighter. He spots one of the guards on the ground and takes the guard's gun.) SYDNEY: Put the gun down! LENNOX 2: Markovic's men are on their way here! SYDNEY: Drop it or I'll shoot! LENNOX 2: We have to trust each other. GET DOWN! (She drops to the ground when Lennox 2 spots the othe Lennox. They shoot at each other, missing, and Lennox 2 rolls underneath the freighter.) VAUGHN: Sydney! (She gets up and looks around. Lennox 2 runs down the tracks. The other Lennox runs, trying to find him. Sydney looks as Lennox 2 turns a corner. She comes up the tracks as Lennox comes onto the tracks as well.) LENNOX 2: Oh, DROP IT! LENNOX: You killed Emma, you son of a bitch! LENNOX 2: He's LYING! He has to say that! LENNOX: I was tortured for four weeks. He knows enough to pass himself off as me. LENNOX 2: Don't listen to him! He took my LIFE! (Sydney has her gun pointed at the both of them and the two Lennoxes have their guns pointed at each other.) LENNOX: You're not walking out of here. SYDNEY: Neither of you can drop your guns. (She drops hers.) LENNOX: What are you doing? SYDNEY: I hope you like your face, Dr. Markovic. You're going to have it for a long time. (Sydney gets out the trigger.) LENNOX 2: DON'T! (He aims his gun at Sydney, ready to shoot her. She hits the button on the trigger and Lennox shoots Lennox 2. The lab blows up, prototype and all. Sydney and Lennox approach Lennox 2 who is on the ground, shot. She puts down his gun. They leave.) (At the ops center, Sydney walks in to see Vaughn and Lennox with his bandaged hand, talking.) LENNOX: Yeah, all right. (Vaughn goes to shake his hand but he motions to the bandage.) LENNOX: Yeah, I appreciate it. (Vaughn walks off. Lennox goes up to Sydney.) SYDNEY: Four weeks off. The least they could do. LENNOX: Yeah, well, they offered me counseling but I haven't not worked in eight years. SYDNEY: Where are you headed? LENNOX: Fiji. I've never been there before. Emma and I were going to go for our honeymoon. She was from there. SYDNEY: I know. I knew her. LENNOX: You knew Emma? SYDNEY: One thing about my fiance -- I was lucky to have known him for as long as I did. LENNOX: Thank you. (Sydney's house. In the kitchen, she takes a sip of white wine and moves to the stove. Vaughn watches her. She turns to him and they smile at each other. Vaughn stares as Sydney stirs the sauce and tries it. She puts the spoon in front of him to try it. Replacing the cover on the pot and turning off the burner, she checks the baked potatoes in the oven, bending over. He takes her arm and she turns around. They kiss.) VAUGHN: You're so beautiful. SYDNEY: Dinner's ready. VAUGHN: You do have an oven, you know. We can reheat it. (She kicks the oven door closed. On Sydney's bed, they kiss. He raises her shirt and kisses her stomach. Vaughn's without a shirt now and he removes Sydney's. Their reflection is on the TV screen.) (Somewhere, Francie watches the camera's angle on her laptop computer of Sydney and Vaughn having s*x.)

Sydney, Vaughn and Jack must determine whether CIA agent Lennox is who he says he is after his deep cover mission is compromised in Berlin. It is discovered that an agency has built a machine capable of replicating a human being's appearance. In this case, there are two agents Lennox at large and Sydney must discover which one is the real one and which one is fake. It is hinted that the machine has been used before to replicate someone else this way (Francie).

fd_The_Office_09x09

fd_The_Office_09x09_0

Jim: [Sighs] I'm having second thoughts about one of the shirts I packed. The blue one with the stripes. Pam: I'm sure it's fine. it's a blue shirt. Jim: Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. Like, am I making a statement with the blueness? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I am leaving early today for Philly, because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, check into a hotel at about 6:00 so I can get a real good night of restless sleep and nervous puking. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job in Phila-Whatever. Jim: So you know my job has something to do with sports, but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"? Dwight: Philadelphia. From the greek phila meaning "Love," and adelph, meaning "Adolf." "the city that loves Adolf." Good luck with your new enterprise and don't wear the blue striped shirt. It makes your neck look like an old mop handle. [Pam looks at Jim and nods her head in agreement] Erin: Oh...Hey, guys, the Christmas party is today. Merry Christmas everyone! Angela: No. Nellie: Is It? Erin: I mean, it says "X-Mas party," but I think we all know what that's code for. Kevin: So we're not going to have a Christmas party this year? Angela, how could you do this to us? Angela: Oh, right, like I'm responsible 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee. Kevin: Well, you are the one in charge of it. Angela: Don't blame me for something we all forgot. Oscar: Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, until she tried to have my kneecap shattered for sleeping with her husband. She makes a lot of very sound points. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works. Meredith: [Scoffs] We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party! Nellie: Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-Cupcakes? Kevin: Mini-Cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people? Dwight: What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel. Jim: Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement? Kevin: No. Angela: No! Jim: Done, right? Angela: No. Stanley: No. I want Tropical Christmas. Meredith: Topless Christmas. Creed: Tapas swiss miss. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: Spanish tapas, and swiss miss hot cocoa--What's so hard to understand? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Or, who was it that suggested the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? I think it was someone really popular. Phyllis: We already said no. Angela: No, no, no. Nellie: Too weird. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Holds up a picture] This is me and my family celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas in 1982 on the farm. There's me and my brother Jeb breaking the ceremonial pig rib. He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. This is the same photo, matrix style. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I'm not understanding the confusion. Am I the only one who wants to try hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, and meet this glenpickle guy? Angela: [Blows a weak whistle] Party planning cimmittee, emgergency meeting. Now. Pam: I'm on it. Jim: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: I'm just hoping German terrorists don't take over this Christmas party. Make me go all John McClane on their asses. Erin: Wait, German terrorists? That's oddly specific. And I think--I think you mean John McCain. Pete: Die hard reference. Erin: I haven't seen it. Pete: You haven't seen die hard? Erin: Mm-Mmm. Pete: Why haven't you seen die hard? Erin: I don't know, I just haven't. Kevin: Come on, you had to have at least seen some of it. Erin: No. Kevin: "now, i have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho." Pete: "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs." Erin: None of this makes any sense to me! Kevin: Oh, yeah, and when he takes the gun off his back, and he's like, "Yippie-Ki-Yay, mother--" Pete: Actually, he doesn't say that there. He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans. Kevin: Yes, you are right. Forgive me. Pete: Oh, that's okay, bud. Kevin: Nope. [Kevin walks out the door into the kitchen] Pete: Common mistake. Kevin: No, it's not. Erin: [Points and Pete] Nerd! Do you know every line of the movie? Pete: My brother dared me to memorize it, and I did it, and loved doing it. Erin: Okay, let's hear it. Pete: Hear what? Erin: Die hard. Every line. Go. Pete: "You don't like flying, do you?" Erin: Don't change the subject. Pete: No, that's the-- Erin: Movie is starting. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [In Kitchen] We're thinking of collaborating with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work. Stanley: I love Philly. Dirty town. Darryl: [Comes up behind Jim and puts his hands on Jim's shoulders] Ah-Ha-Ha! Philly! Exciting stuff, man. Jim: Whoo! Darryl: So you sure you remembered everything for your trip? Jim: Yeah, I think so. Darryl: Think that through for a sec. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Yeah, Jim's going to philly tomorrow. He said he was gonna take me with him, but that was two months ago. And I haven't heard anything since. I mean, he said that, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: What else could you possibly be forgetting? Jim: Uh-- Darryl: Things? People? [Jim chuckles nervously] Toby: You know who's not gonna get to work on some exciting new startup this year? George Howard Skub, a.k.a. the alleged Scranton strangler, because he's in prison [Jim and Daryl walk out of the kitchen] for something he may not have done. Nellie: I'm sorry, the--Uh, the Scranton who? Toby: The Scranton strangler. George Howard Skub. Haven't I told you about the jury I was on a couple years ago? Nellie: [Gasps] Oh, what happened? I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. Because if you can't, I mean, I understand. [Stanley gets up and leaves] Toby: I--I could--I could talk about it. Stanley: [Pats Nellie on the shoulder as he's walking by her] See you next Christmas. Toby: I could, sure. Have a seat. I would start at the beginning, but I think I need to go farther back. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: We're the party planning committee, and we did not get where we are by playing it safe. We got here by being risk takers. And, yeah, Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. Maybe. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's going to be great. And if it's great...I think we all know what that would mean to us. Phyllis: Let's do it! Pam: Yes! Phyllis! Angela: No. I don't want my name attached to this party. Pam: What does that even mean? Where would your name appear? Angela: Please just take my name off of everything. Oscar: Just take her name off of everything. [Party Planning Committee walks out of The Conference Room] Pam: [Clears her throat] The party planning committee, minus Angela, has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas. Dwight: Yes! Yeah! [High Fives Jim] Yeah! Okay! Yes! It's a Christmas Miracle! [High Fives Pam] Yeah! Whoo-Hoo! Pam: Dwight, there is one rule that you need to take very seriously. Dwight: Uh-huh. Pam: And that is... Dwight: Uh, Oh. Pam: That there are no rules. Dwight: You have never been cooler. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Best Christmas ever. Pam: You're welcome. Jim: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Plays a trumpet] And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun. Meredith: Ugh. What is this stuff, lava? Dwight: That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, also used to sterilize medical instruments. And, interesting factoid, this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull through the birth canal when I was born. Enjoy. Pam: What is it? [Jim lifts the hog maw with a fork] Don't touch it. Dwight: [Comes running up at startles Pam] Somebody's found the hog maw. Pam: Oh! Dwight: What? It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? I don't even want to tell you what it's made of until after you try it. Stanley: Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat. Dwight: It is stuffed pig stomach. And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib. Jim: Can't wait. Meredith: Weird. Where are the sugar cookies? Where's the karaoke machine? Dwight: This is austere, Meredith. This is celebrating Christmas for all of the right reasons. The cookies and toys and sweets are mere distractions. I mean, most people don't even know that a candy cane represents a Shepherd's Crook, which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. It tastes like sheep feces. Oscar: How would anyone even know-- Dwight: Have you ever tasted a Shepherd's Crook? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I don't know. Is it what you expected? Pam: I feel like [Pam look's out the window and camera pans out in The Office]--Dwight is holding a candle and reading a poem. Jim: So happy right now. [Jim and Pam get up and run out into The Office] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Speaking German] Wait, what is that I hear? Is someone on the roof? How strange. [Blows out the candle] Excuse me. I have to run to my car to take a dump. Kevin: I wish my car had a bathroom. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: "Let Heinrich plant the detonators and Theo prepare the vault. After that--" Erin: [On a computer, checking the script] Eh. That wasn't the line. I'm sorry, Pete. Pete: That is transcribed by some fan. They make mistakes. Erin: I don't know. This looks pretty legit. [Erin's cell phone chimes] Oh, my gosh. I just got an email from Andy. That means they hit land. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [Reading the email from Andy] "What up, shorty? We got in last night, sold the boat, went out, got drunk, saw life of pi, got super depressed and introspective. Gonna hang out here a while. Maybe a couple of weeks. Figure this whole life thing out. Maybe see hobbit. Lates." [SCENE_BREAK] [Erin walks back to Pete and sits down at the computer] Pete: Hey. Everything okay? Erin: So what comes next? Pete: Right, um, okay. So he says, uh, [Pete stands up] "After we call the police, they'll waste hours trying to negotiate--" Erin: We should just watch the movie. That makes much more sense. Pete: Or we can just sit and talk, though. Erin: No. No more talking. It's movie time. Pete: I mean, are you sure...Um, yeah, I probably have a copy or two in my car. Erin: Oh, great. Great! So we're watching die hard, now. Good! This is a good plan. Pete: Okay. Toby: [To Nellie in the kitchen] Here's the thing about moonlight. It's not sunlight. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [With his mouth full] I love this hog mama. Phyllis: Dwight said it's "Hog maw." Kevin: [Chokes and spits it out] What is maw?! [Dwight walks in as Belsnickel] Phyllis: It's the lining of the stomach of-- Dwight: [Cackling] Ohh...[In a German Accent] Judgment is nigh, for the belsnickel ist I! Jim: Yes, he is finally nigh. Dwight: I am nigh! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Every year, my grandfather would dress up as belsnickel at Christmas. He was...okay at it. I am great. You know how they say some people were born to be bad? Well, I was born to be belsnickel. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Ooh, belsnickel has traveled from distant lands to discover how all the boys and the girls have been behaving this last year. Whoo hoo HOO hoo hoo! [Runs over to Stanley and points at his stomach with a stick] Ohh...Too much strudel. Jim: So he's kind of like santa, except dirty and worse. Dwight: No, much better--No one fears santa the way they fear belsnickel. Jim: Wow! It's my favorite part of Christmas. The authority. Pam: And the fear. Dwight: Yes, exactly! Phyllis: Come on, Dwight, you're making this up. Dwight: No. Oscar: [Reading from his phone] This is a real thing. "Belsnickel is a crotchety, fur-clad gift giver related to other companions of st. Nicholas in the folklore of southwestern Germany." Angela: Huh. Pam: Wow. Dwight: Okay, great. Seriously, you guys? Now you believe in Dwight's traditions, when some democrat looks it up on wikipedia? Oscar: [Continues reading] "His partner, zwarte piet, or black Peter, a slave boy, often portrayed in colorful pantaloons and blackface." Stanley: Uh-Uh. No, Dwight. No. Dwight: Oh, come on. We don't blindly stick to every outmoded aspect of our traditions. Come on, get with the spirit of it, you guys. [Texts warehouse worker, Nate, to forget showing up as zwarte piet] [Nate starts walking towards the door, gets the text, and walks back to his car] [SCENE_BREAK] [Pete and Erin watching die hard on a computer] Pete: Okay, Karl was actually a ballet dancer in real life. Isn't that crazy? Erin: Mm. [Chuckles] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daryl drinking the gluhwein in his office, with some alcohol mixed in] Darryl: [Talks drunk angry] Jim, that guy. [Scoffs] You gotta stick to your word! Like when you say something to a buddy, a real buddy...what are you gonna do, lie? To your buddy? [Sighs] It's awful. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Take a bowl and pass it down. Phyllis: Thank you, Dwight. These are nice. Dwight: No, these are gift bowls. When you recieve a gift, it will go in the bowl, but the bowls must be returned at the end. They're a set. Now, hold your bowls forward. The belsnickel will decide if you are impish or admirable. Jim: Oh, it's like naughty or nice. Dwight: No, impish or admirable. Jim: Quick question--Do you just decide who gets what in the moment, or did you make a list? Dwight: I decided earlier. Jim: Oh, nice. Did you check that list? Dwight: Of course I checked it. Jim: But more than once? 'cause you could have made a mistake. Dwight: I checked it more than once. Jim: Okay, so you made a list, you checked it twice, and now you're gonna find out who's-- Dwight: Impish or admirable. Jim: Damn. Dwight: Phyllis Vance! Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year as...admirable. [Jim claps] There you are. Phyllis: [Takes here gift out of her bowl] Oh. What are these? Dwight: It's a set of rubber gaskets for canning jars. Phyllis: I'd rather have the bowl. Dwight: You can't have the bowl! Oscar Martinez, cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year [looks over at Angela, then back to Oscar]...as impish! [Smacks Oscar with a stick] [Angela smiles smugly] Oscar: Ow! You hit people with that thing? Dwight: No, I'm carrying around the stick in order to look cool. For the kinder [puts a mouse trap in Pam's bowl] Jim: Ooh. Pam: [Holds the mouse trap up] Mouse trap. [SCENE_BREAK] [While Dwight is decided on others, he puts canning jars in Angela's bowl, and a twig in Stanley's, then a normal talking head] Dwight: In a head-to-head contest, people prefer belsnickel over santa every time. There aren't as many songs about him, but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. My brother and I wrote one once. it was about a fickle pickle salesman who would tickle you for a nickel. [SCENE_BREAK] [Kevin giggles as Dwight is poking him with a stick for being impish] Jim: Oh, you know what? I gotta go. Dwight: Stop giggling. Pam: Oh, really? Already? Jim: Yeah, it's all right. Dwight: It's a punishment. [Turns to Jim] Hey, where are you going? Jim: I have to go to philly. But this was amazing. Okay. Dwight: But you work tomorrow. Jim: Yeah, I know, I'd just like to settle in and get a good night's sleep. Dwight: But we were gonna break the pig rib. Jim: Ooh. Dwight: Remember? Jim: That's right. Dwight: No matter! Belsnickel cares not about this--off with you! Jim: Perfect. Merry Christmas, everybody. Dwight: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't you want to know your present? Jim: You know what? Yeah. Have at it. Dwight: Jim Halpert. Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! [Jim holds his hands like a bowl] I judge your year as impish. [Hits Jim with stick] Jim: Ooh! Are you nuts? Dwight: [Hits Jim three more times] I judge you impish! Jim: Ow! Ow! Okay, that is three, and you didn't hit anybody that hard. Dwight: They're not abandoning the party. [Hit's Jim again] Jim: Just--Just--Hey! [Dwight hits him again] Jim: [As he's walking out] That's enough, I'm done! Okay? Agh! Dwight: [Hits Jim some more] Impish! [Chases Jim out] Jim: Aah! Ow! Meredith: Belsnickel, I gotta run out early too. [Leans up against the wall as Dwight comes back in] [Everyone groans. And in his office, Daryl continues to drink the gluhwein] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [In the parking lot, holding his side, walking to the taxi, Pam follows] Oh...what was that? Now I'm gonna be all whipped for my first day at work. God. [To taxi driver] One second. Oh... Pam: Well...this is it. Jim: I'm probably never gonna see you again. Pam: Shut up. I'm trying to be serious. Jim: Okay, sorry, sorry. Pam: I can't believe this is actually happening. Jim: Listen, thank you so much for putting that all together. That was the perfect last Christmas party. All right, wish me luck. Pam: Okay. [Jim and Pam hug] Good luck. You're gonna be great. Jim: I'll call you when I get in. Pam: Okay. Jim: All right. Pam: Love you. Jim: Love you. [Jim gets in taxi and it drives away] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: What's going on? Dwight: Party's over. You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you. [To camera] And guess what, kids. Belsnickel isn't real. It's me, Dwight! [Takes off hat and beard] [SCENE_BREAK] [Everyone putting up normal Christmas decorations as Phyllis has a talking head] Phyllis: We found some old decorations in the warehouse. Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. I guess they needed me after all. It's like in it's a wonderful life when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all thos people at the building and loan were just jerks, and he was the real hero. [Kevin dressed up as Santa, helps Angela down from hanging lights] Angela: Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it! [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Oh, it sounds like the party's starting up out there. Toby: Yeah. So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. But then I did a little research of my own, and forget everything you thought you knew about fingerprinting. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Meredith's a little cute. I'm just realizing. She got, like, a Emma Stone thing. [SCENE_BREAK] [Daryl comes out of the conference room and starts dancing. Meredith joins him] Darryl: [At Meredtith] Boo! Pam: For what it's worth, I liked your party better. Dwight: Everyone thought the food was gross, and that belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak. Pam: I don't think anyone thought that. Dwight: Jim couldn't even stay till the end of the party. Pam: Well, that didn't have anything to do with you. Dwight: I don't care. Guess how much I care on a scale of one to ten. Pam: Zero. Dwight: Damn It! [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I'm gonna tell Jim to go [Bleep] himself. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building tied to a hose for me? Pete: Yeah. Definitely. [Erin starts to cry] Hey, what's--Oh, no, come here. [Starts to put his arm around Erin] Hey, hey. Come on, huh? Erin: [Sliding away from Pete] I'm still Andy's girlfriend. Pete: Oh, yeah, of course. I know. Erin: But you can leave your arm. [Pete puts his arm back around Erin as she slides closer to him] [SCENE_BREAK] [Back at the party, Angela sits on Kevin's lap, everyone talking and enjoying the party] Pam: Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog? Dwight: No, thanks. I'll just have another dumatril. Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. You crush it into a powder, and you snort it up your butt. Jim: [Walks back into The Office] Yep, I did say that. Pam: Jim! Jim: What's going on? Where's the belsnickel? Pam: Oh--Oh my god! [Pam goes to hug Jim, but Dwight runs and hugs Jim first] Jim: What are you doing? Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building. Dwight: [Holds his finger to Jim's lips] Shh. Let's not speak of that. The Pig Rib! We could totally break the pig rib! I'm gonna dig it out of the trash! [High fives Jim] Pam: What happened? Did you miss your bus? Jim: No. I just missed my wife.[Gives Pam a hug and a kiss] Dwight: [Comes back in, holding up the pig rib] I found it! Jim: And I found out that there's a bus at 5:00 a.m. [SCENE_BREAK] [All cheering and chanting as Jim and Dwight try and break the pig rib] Dwight: Oh! [Pig rib breaks and Jim wins, and stuff splatters people. Everyone groans] Damn It! Jim got the bigger half. [Jim fist bumps Kevin and holds up the pig rib. Daryl sits in his office] Darryl: [To himself] Back for more, huh? [Gets up and walks towards Jim] Jim: Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. [Everyone talking Phyllis pours Jim some eggnog, as Daryl walks in] Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy? Darryl: You! Jim: Oh, hey, man. [Daryl walks over to Jim, angrily and stares at Jim] Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, I talked to the guys about hiring you. They're gonna bring you in for an interview. Darryl: [Looking at Jim confused] That's great. Jim: Right? Darryl: Thanks, man. Jim: Hey, of course. Darryl: I shall come by at your convenience. Jim: Thank you, sir. [Tips his glass to Daryl] Darryl: [Claps his hands once, spins around] Whoo! Jim: Go get 'em. Darryl: [Falls backwards onto the food table] Oh! Whoa! [Everyone shouts alarmidly] Dwight: Very impish. [SCENE_BREAK] [Nellie and Toby back in the kitchen, Nellie looks bored and standing against the fridge. Toby walking around] Toby: Two dimes, seven nickels--Well, okay, no, that doesn't add up. It was one quarter and-- Nellie: Shh. [Puts her finger to Toby's lips] Toby: What? I was just explaining-- Nellie: Shh. Toby: Why wouldn't it-- Nellie: [Put her finger to his lips again] Shh. Toby: But why? Nellie: No...more...talking. Toby: Are you gonna kiss me? Nellie: Yes. [Kisses Toby] [Toby takes his glasses off and him and Nellie go against fridge and start to make out]

When the party planning committee forgets to plan the annual Christmas party, Dwight gets everyone to celebrate with a traditional Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas. Darryl fears that Jim has forgotten to include him in the new job in Philadelphia. Pete teaches Erin about his favorite movie Die Hard . Toby discusses the Scranton Strangler trial with Nellie.

fd_Frasier_06x06

fd_Frasier_06x06_0

Act 1 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa. Fade in. Frasier is sitting at the window bench with Nancy, a former coworker. Frasier: I just had the most wonderful time today. Nancy: Me too. It's funny that we worked together all that time and we never dated before this. Frasier: Well, anyway I... Roz: Hey, Frasier! Nancy, hi! Nancy: Hi! Roz: So, are you back to work yet? Nancy: Almost, I start at KNFS tomorrow. Frasier: You know, Roz, Nancy and I are having coffee. Roz: Oh, none for me, thanks. [to waitress] Listen, can I have a fat-free muffin please? Nancy, I have been dying to call you. My cousin just moved to town and I think he'd be perfect for you! Nancy: Actually, I just started seeing someone. Roz: Well, you'll forget all about him when you meet Chuck. He is so handsome and rugged and he loves the outdoors... Frasier: Kindly leave him there. You see, the person that Nancy is seeing is me. Roz: Really? You two are dating? Frasier: Even as we speak! Roz: Oh, my God! I am so sorry. Well, good for you. I mean, who needs Chuck when you've got... well, the anti-Chuck? [She gets up] When my muffin gets here, could you send it over? Frasier: You won't even see it coming. Roz: OK... Roz retreats to another corner. Frasier: Well, where were we? Nancy: Well, I think you were about to ask me out again. Frasier: My gosh, so I was. Well, let's just see how far this ESP of yours goes: what night was I thinking of? Nancy: Friday night. Frasier: Astonishing! Busboy, clear these spoons before she starts bending them. Niles enters. Niles: Frasier, I am so glad you're here. Frasier: Niles. Niles: [spotting Nancy] Oh, sorry. Niles Crane. Nancy: I think we've met. Nancy Cavanaugh, I used to work at KACL. Niles: Oh, of course. Talking business? Frasier: Uh, well, actually no... Niles: [sitting down] Oh, good, I was afraid I was interrupting something. Here, feast your eyes on this! [He hands Frasier a document.] Frasier: "Financial Settlement." Good lord, Niles, you and Maris have come to terms? Niles: What's that? I couldn't hear you over the angels singing. Frasier: Well, congratulations! That is exciting. My, ah, brother's been going through a rather rancorous divorce. Nancy: You must be very relieved. Niles: Oh, I'll say. It's cost me a fortune already. If she dragged it out any longer, I'd be literally bankrupt. Frasier: Well, I'm sure you've got some celebrating to do, so off you go. Niles: I cannot wait until I'm done with this. I just have to sign it and get her to do the same and then I can take my seat aboard the freedom train. Frasier: Well, all aboard! Niles: Oh, it's a funny thing: one day you're starting a new relationship, full of hope. The next you're sinking helplessly into a sucking pit of despair that leaves you filled with the bitter bile of regret. Beat. Niles: You're on a date, aren't you? Frasier: It's hard to say at this point. Niles: Oh, I am so sorry. Nancy: [getting up] It's all right, I have to go, anyway. It was nice seeing you again. Niles: Yes, you too. As they all rise, Frasier hits Niles on the arm. Frasier: [hissing at Niles] What the hell is wrong with you?! He sends him off. Then he helps Nancy with her coat. Frasier: Well, here we are. Nancy: So, are we still on for Friday night? Frasier: Yes, of course we are. You know, I was wondering...maybe we could just, uh... Nancy: Have dinner at your place? Frasier: Yes, that's amazing. You read my mind again. Nancy: Well, I just thought it would be more comfortable. We could curl up on the couch, make a nice fire... Frasier: Can you guess what I'm thinking now? She looks at him, then gasps and playfully slaps his face. Frasier: Oh, you ARE good, aren't you? [SCENE_BREAK] LOVE ME TWO TIMES Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Martin is in his chair, Daphne has a basket of laundry. Niles and Frasier come in. Martin: Hey, guys. Frasier: Hey there. Daphne: So, who won the squash game? Frasier: Oh, Daphne, it's not about winning or losing, it's about the thrill of the competition. Martin: Congratulations, Niles. Niles: Thanks, Dad. Pumped as I was, I don't think anybody could have beat me today, even an actual athlete. Frasier: Sherry, Niles? Niles: Yes, thank you. Maris and I have reached a financial settlement. Martin: Oh, ho! That's great! He offers a high-five, Niles just takes his hand and shakes it. Daphne: This is wonderful! Well, as wonderful as the tragic ripping apart of two lovers once bound in a sacred union can be. Oh, it's brilliant, Dr. Crane. Niles: Thanks Daphne. Frasier: Oh, Daphne, as long as you're doing the laundry, let me throw in my gym towel. Daphne: All right. Frasier: You know, if you've got a couple of extra minutes, I can also give you these squash togs. Daphne: Oh, let's save some of the fun for tomorrow. Frasier: [pulling a box from his bag] What's this? Cartier! Niles, did you put this in here? Niles: No. Frasier: My goodness, someone must have slipped this in my bag while we were in the courts. That's odd, I don't remember anyone touching our bags except the valet and Jaime, the squash porter. Martin: Boy, you guys work up quite a sweat down there, don't you? Inside the box is a smaller one nestled in shredded paper. Frasier opens it. Frasier: Oh, my goodness, Niles, look at this. [He gasps.] Cufflinks! They're beautiful. There's a card in here. "I still think of you constantly. I was wrong to ever let you go. Do you believe in second chances?" It's unsigned. Martin: Wrong to let you go. It sounds like it's from someone who dumped you. Daphne: Well, that's no short list, is it now? Martin: You know, maybe it's that Sonya woman he was goin' out with. Daphne: Wasn't there a sister, too? Martin: And a niece! Niles: Oh, yes, he went through that family like a recessive gene. Frasier: Yes, well, not to disrupt the think-tank, but there is an easier way to find out. I'll just make a few well-placed inquiries and see where I get a nibble. [He gets his address book out of the desk.] Ah, yes, there's a group of people that might regret leaving Club Frasier before last call. Oh, yeah, Patricia and there's oh, Susan, yes. Tatiana, oh boy... Niles: Frasier, all during squash the only thing you talked about was this wonderful new woman in your life, now you're just going to drop her to chase after someone else? Frasier: I'm not dropping Nancy! I'm just, uh, I'm uh... Daphne: Weighing your options? Frasier: Well, all right, so what if I am?! Niles: I don't believe this! Frasier: Niles, all of my life, I've dreamt of the day when I would be pursued by more than one woman. What man hasn't? For God's sake, do you blame me for enjoying it now that the day is here? Niles: Well, all of my life I have heard you whine about your dating woes. Now you have a chance for something good with Nancy and you're going to risk ruining it? Frasier: Oh, you are just jealous, that's what you are. Niles: I am not jealous. You're being foolish. Frasier: Oh, come on. Nonsense. Niles: Dad, what don't you agree with me? Frasier: Oh, fine, let's just ask Dad. Dad what do you think? Martin: [getting up] Noooo, no. Don't drag me into this. I learned when you were kids to stay out of it whenever you two started fighting. I'd just wait 'til the whole thing ended, usually in tears, then I'd take you both out for ice cream. [to Daphne] That was my job: ice cream man. He heads for his room. Daphne: I suppose fathers are the same everywhere. Mine couldn't bear to see us fight. If there was so much as a peep out of us, he'd be out the door to the pub. Stay for a few hours, sometimes overnight. Then, when they brought him back the next morning, we couldn't fight because of his headaches. I suppose that was part of his plan to keep harmony in the family. God bless him. She heads out the door. Niles: Oh, Daphne, wait up. I'll ride down with you. Frasier, you have a chance for something real with Nancy. Only a fool would throw that away chasing after some- Daphne: It's here! Niles: Oh, wait for me! -pie in the sky. [leaves] Frasier: What an idiot. [He dials the phone.] Tatiana. Frasier Crane here. Pick up if you're there. Well, I guess I've missed you. Question is: have you missed me? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Cafe Nervosa. Fade in. Roz is at a table, Frasier joins her. Roz: Oh, hi Frasier. Frasier: Hi, Roz. Why so glum? Roz: Why else? The weekend's starting again and I don't have a date. Frasier: Oh. Roz: Do you know how long it's been since... you know. I've probably forgotten how. Frasier: Oh, Roz, I'm sure it will come back to you. It's just like riding a bicyclist... bicycle. Roz: Well, you're in the same boat, why don't you come over and hang out with me and Alice tonight? I'll rent a movie and we can order pizza... Frasier: Gosh, I'd love to, but I've got a date tonight with Nancy. Roz: That's still goin' on? Frasier: Yes, as a matter of fact, we're going out tonight on our THIRD date. You know the kind: it's like one of your FIRST dates. Roz: Oh, ha-ha. Well, I gotta go. Frasier: All right. A waitress comes to the table. Waitress: You're Dr. Crane, right? Frasier: Yes, I am. Can I help you? Waitress: [putting down another gift box] A woman dropped this off for you. [She goes back to work.] Frasier: Oh, my gosh, it must be another gift from my secret admirer. Roz: You've got a secret admirer? Frasier: Yes, I do. In fact the other day, she sent me these cuff links. At least, I think it's the same woman, unless a third person has thrown her hat in the ring. Roz: Oh, my God. You have two women? Frasier: At least. Roz: And you're juggling them? And you're getting jewelry? Frasier: Why is that so hard to believe? Roz: Well, I guess since they cloned that sheep, anything's possible. She gets up to leave, and passes Niles and Martin on the way out. Martin: Hey, Roz. Roz: Hey, guys. Martin: Hey, Fras. Niles: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: Dad, Niles! Niles: [as he and Martin sit] What is that? Oh, not another gift from your mystery woman. As before, the box is filled with shredded paper and a smaller box. Frasier: [opening it] Yes, yes, indeed it is. Oh, my God. It's a Patek Phillipe pocket watch! Niles: That is stunning! I almost bought one like that on my honeymoon, only Maris thought it was too impractical, so we got that Glockenspiel instead. Martin: So, who do you think this stuff is from? Frasier: Gosh, I haven't smoked her out, yet, but she certainly has exquisite taste. She doesn't have a bad eye for jewelry either! [laughs] Martin: He was like this last night. It was all I could do to keep my beer down. Frasier: [noticing a woman] Well, looky there. No, not yet. That's Tina Dalton. We dated last summer. And now it turns out she's in the cafe just as this little bauble arrives... Niles: Frasier, before you go over there... Frasier: Niles, please, I have had enough of your finger wagging. I am doing what any red-blooded American man would do. For God's sake, there's nothing wrong with playing the field. Niles: It looks like you've been eating the field. What did you have for lunch? Frasier: Pesto. Oh, my God! I better go freshen up. Martin: [fussing with the shredded packing paper] Huh. Look at this mess. Ah, it's too bad it's not bubble wrap. Ha! You don't know what funny is until you've seen Eddie go after a sheet of that stuff. Poppity-pop-pop-pop! He gets all scared and runs away, and then he screws up his courage and comes back again, and - poppity-pop-pop! - he runs away again. Yeah, I watched him for an hour one time. You know, it's amazing how entertained he can be by somethin' so simple. [pause, then] Poppity-pop- pop-pop! [laughs] Niles just stares at him for a moment with a look that combines familial concern with analytical fascination. Then he notices something. Niles: Oh, my... Martin: What is it? Niles: This card that came with the gift. Frasier must not have noticed it. "Missing you every moment, my dear sweet Niles." Do you realize what this means? Martin: Well, yeah. You're the one with the secret admirer. Niles: And a pretty nice watch, too! [He opens the case to look at it.] Martin: Well, I don't get this, how could this happen? Niles: Well, the other gift was left in Frasier's squash bag, which is exactly like mine. And, I guess today the waitress must have mistaken Frasier for me. [excited] You don't suppose it's Daphne? Martin: Yeah, she took a second job washing that old Mrs. Lumpkin's hair just so she can give you Cartier. Besides, the note said it's someone you've been with. Niles: There's been so few women since Maris. So few women before Maris. Hence there was Maris. Martin: I'll bet it is Maris! You said yourself you saw that watch on your honeymoon. Niles: Oh, that's absurd. Dad, we're in the process of finalizing our divorce. Martin: [to the waitress] Excuse me, miss? Do you remember the woman who brought this box in? Waitress: Yeah, she was very well dressed and really, really thin. Martin looks smug. Niles: That could be a lot of people. Waitress: Yeah, she just dropped off the gift then ordered a whole- milk mocha with whipped cream and chocolate shavings. Niles: [laughing with relief] Oh, thank God. That's not her. Waitress: Yeah it was really weird, though. She just took a long whiff of it and then just handed it back. She laughs at this and walks away. Niles laughs too, but it soon turns to sobbing. Fade out. End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa. Fade in. A few minutes later, Niles is on his cell phone. Niles: Well, thank you Marta, you've been very helpful. [he disconnects] Well, turns out Schenkman dropped Maris and now she wants me back again. Frasier: [coming back from Tina's table] Well, that was fun! Had a little catching up to do, but it turns out she wasn't the woman sending the gifts. Martin: Yeah, we know, the gifts are from Maris. Frasier: Maris? Is my secret admirer? Niles: No, she sent them to me. Schenkman dumped her and, and she wants me back. Martin: How do you feel about this? Frasier: Well, frankly, I feel a little injured. I thought I had a secret admirer. Well, no matter, I do have a date with Nancy, tonight. You know, it's our third date. Martin: I was talking to Niles. Frasier: Oh. Oh. Niles: I guess I'll just have to go over and talk to Maris and set her straight. Frasier: Gee, Niles, I don't know if that's a very good idea. Niles: [putting the watch back in the gift box] Well, I'm up to my ears in debt. I need to sign this settlement and she'll never do that if she thinks there's any hope of us getting back together. Frasier: Gosh, it just seems a little dangerous to me, confronting her when she's so vulnerable. Don't you agree, Dad? Martin: Don't ask me, I'm just the ice cream man. Frasier: Well, thanks a lot. Listen, Niles, I think this whole pursuit of you has been brought on by a panicked reaction to Schenkman dumping her. You know, give her a few days, she'll probably realize that herself. That's the time to approach her. Niles: I can't wait any longer. Do you have any idea how insulting it is that she thinks she can buy me back with these trinkets? [rising] I am THIS close to being free from her financially and emotionally! I'm going to settle this right now. [He heads out.] Frasier: Niles, I just think you should wait! [But he's gone] Well, he certainly dashed out of here in a hurry. I suppose that's a good thing. Martin: Yeah, he's not gonna back down. Frasier: That, and he forgot these cuff links. I've got a date tonight! Martin glares at him. Fade out. THE EGO HAS LANDED Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Frasier is getting ready, Daphne is dressed up. Frasier: Oh, Daphne, thanks again for taking Dad to Niles's for me. I'd do it myself, but since you're going out... Daphne: I'm going to a party three floors down from here. Frasier: Gosh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I didn't mean for you to miss any of the fun. Dad! Shake a leg, Daphne's in a hurry. You know, frankly I'm really glad he's going over there. I have no idea what condition Niles'll be in after he confronts Maris. Daphne: Yeah, it's a shame about Dr. and Mrs. Crane. Seems so difficult these days to make something last. To find someone to grow old with and share all of life's little details. I only hope someday I find that kind of intimacy. Frasier: Oh, I'm sure you will. Martin: [coming from his room] Daphne, where the hell is my scarf? Daphne: In your sleeve, like it always is. Now come on, we've got to get going, there's construction by the waterfront. Martin: Oh, we're not goin' that way. We're takin' my shortcut. Daphne: I know your shortcuts and the waterfront's faster. Martin: Now don't start with me. Daphne: Don't YOU start with me or I'll leave you here. Daphne opens the door, Nancy is standing there. Martin: Oh, hi, how ya doin'? Come on in. [Nancy enters.] And we're turnin' on my radio station in the car. Daphne: Fine, it's better than listening to you talk. Martin and Daphne leave. Nancy: Is this a bad time? Frasier: No, that's a bad time. Hi. Nancy: Hi. Frasier: You look sensational. Nancy: Thank you, so do you. Frasier: Oh, thank you very much. Can I interest you in a glass of wine? Nancy: Perfect. Frasier: Lovely. Nancy: I've been here before, you know. Two years ago, for your Christmas party? Frasier: Really? Nancy: I don't remember this chair. Frasier: Normally there's something draped over it: my father. Nancy: Oh, there's a message on your machine. Frasier: Must have come in while I was cooking dinner. Nancy: I only mentioned it because I gave my secretary your number so she can call me about tomorrow morning's conference, in case, you know, I don't find my way home tonight. Frasier: Oh, you just reverse the directions I gave you earlier... ohhhh. Feel free to check the machine if you like, I'll just go stir the risotto. Frasier heads to the kitchen, Nancy hits the play button. Cheryl: [voice over from the machine] Frasier, this is Cheryl returning your call, and no- Cut to Frasier in the kitchen with panic on his face. He rushes back to the living room and we cut to follow him Cheryl: I didn't send you anything. I thought I told you when we broke up: It's over. Frasier: Boy, is that old message still on there? Cheryl and I broke up so long ago, I can't even remember when. Machine: Friday, six fifty-one PM. Frasier: I know it was a Friday. Nancy: Oh, well, we all have exes. As long as it's over. It is over, right? Frasier: Oh, God, yes, it certainly is over. Oh Nancy, please here, come sit with me. [They sit on the couch.] Listen, I want to tell you I'm not interested in anyone but you. [The phone rings.] You know, perhaps I'd better get that, it could be your secretary. Nancy: Oh, let the machine get it. [They kiss.] Denise: [v.o. from machine] Frasier, it's Denise. I don't know how you got my number, but I am NOT interested in dating you again. Frasier rushes to the phone and picked it up. Frasier: Denise! Ha, ha, you prankster. No. No, no, I won't. No, absolutely not. I promise, never again. [hangs up] Well, how about that dinner, now? Nancy: I don't believe this. You have been calling other women for dates! How could you lie to me? Frasier: I haven't lied to you. Why would I lie to you? I have nothing to hide. [The phone rings and Frasier pushes her aside to get it.] Let me get that! Hello? Yes? Oh, yes, just a moment. It's your secretary. Nancy: Hi, Gwen. Call me in the car in five minutes. I'm going home. She puts the phone down, and grabs her coat and purse. She leaves as Frasier follows. Frasier: No! No, Nancy, Nancy, please, please don't be hasty. I realize I've done something rather foolish. Look, let me explain. Cut to the hallway as they come out the door. Frasier: Nancy, the truth is, I did call some other women. I guess I was feeling insecure, a little nervous about getting close to you. I don't blame you for getting angry and I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave. It's just that I, I think we really have something here. Nancy: Well, I thought we had something, too. Frasier: I made a mistake. I... give me another chance? Nancy: Well, that risotto did smell good. Frasier: OK. He ushers her back in and follows. Before he gets all the way in, the elevator opens. Madeline: Frasier! Frasier: Oh, Madeline. Madeline: I got that note you left under my door. Frasier: I am so sorry about that... Madeline: I was so happy to hear from you. Frasier: [pulling the door shut behind him] Really? Madeline: I was just thinking about you the other day. You know, I don't even remember why we stopped seeing each other. The door opens and Nancy steps out. Nancy: What is going... This again? This date is over. Madeline: Wait a minute. You slipped a note under my door and you were on a date with her? Frasier: Well, you heard her. Technically, this date is over. Nancy: Don't ever call me again. [steps onto the elevator] Madeline: Or me, you freak! Frasier: Nancy, Madeline, please give me a second chance - either one of you! [N.B. Brilliant tactical thinking on Frasier's part - the sort of thing that makes a woman feel REALLY special Mike Lee] The elevator closes on his plea and he stands alone in the hall. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Niles's Apartment at the Montana. Fade in. Niles is setting the table, nodding as Martin talks. Martin: So then Daphne takes a left on Madison. Bumper to bumper all the way to Pike. Then a right on Pike. And what do you know? King Dome traffic! So I say... Niles: Dear God, this is taking forever! Martin: Exactly! So, here we are on Fifth... The doorbell rings. Niles: Wait, wait, don't go away! I'm coming. [opens door] Oh, Frasier. Frasier: I have just had one of the worst experiences of my life. Martin: You took Madison, didn't you? You're as bad as Daphne. Now what you should have done... Niles: Oh, let it go! Please come in. How was your date? Frasier: Well, Nancy discovered that I had been pursuing other women. Niles: How did she find that out? Frasier: It wasn't hard. You see, I pursued one during the date. Frasier sits on the couch, Martin sits in a chair. Niles: Well, I'm sorry. Martin: Yeah, so am I, Fras. Frasier: Well, thanks, guys. I just, I should have listened to your advice, Niles. How did things go with Maris? Niles: I wish I knew. I returned the gifts and told her there was no chance of reconciliation. She didn't get mad. In fact, she was eerily calm. She just stood there with a blank stare on her face, rubbing her ocelot. Martin: You know, they got a cream for that. Niles gives him a look. The doorbell rings and he turns to get it. Frasier: You know, maybe she'll come around. You've given her a lot to digest. Niles opens the door. There is a box sitting there. Niles: Oh, no. Frasier: What is it? Oh, dear God. Niles: I don't believe it! I thought I made myself perfectly clear. What is wrong with that woman? Martin: Why don't you start, Frasier? I'll jump in when you get hoarse. Niles opens the box and pulls the shredded paper aside. There is a small ring box which he opens. The only thing inside is a coin. He picks up the card. Niles: "Roses are red, your heart is fickle. When I'm through with you... all you'll have left is this nickel." Martin: Oh, no. Niles: Oh, God... she's going to ruin me. Frasier: No, no, Niles, maybe she's bluffing. You know, once she's signed the financial settlement... Niles: [picking up the paper] She's not bluffing. This IS the financial settlement. Oh, Frasier, why did I go over there? Why didn't I listen to you? He falls against the arm of the couch. Frasier: Why didn't I listen to you? If I had I'd be sitting with Nancy right now, sipping wine in front of the fire. He falls against the opposite arm. Niles: I'll be stripped clean and devoured like an animal. Frasier: And I WON'T be. Martin gets up and walks behind the couch. Martin: All right, now. Enough of these long faces. Who wants ice cream? The brothers lift their heads and look at each other. Then, they rise and walk out the door, followed by Martin. [SCENE_BREAK] The three come into Niles's apartment, eating their ice cream cones. They sit down on the couch, then Niles's ice cream falls off his cone. His face breaks and he begins to weep against the arm of the couch. Martin motions to Frasier to give his ice cream to his brother, but Frasier refuses and motions for Martin to give up his and they fight over it.

Frasier has been dating Nancy, a former KACL worker, while Niles and Maris have reached a financial settlement. After a squash game with Niles, Frasier discovers some Cartier cufflinks in his bag, with an unsigned note from someone who misses him. He is thrilled at the possibility that he has a secret admirer as well as Nancy, and Martin has to tolerate his gloating for some time. Soon afterwards, a waitress at Café Nervosa brings him a box containing a Patek Philippe pocket watch , saying it was delivered earlier by a woman. Frasier is even more thrilled, but then Niles discovers a card in the box, indicating that the gift was actually intended for him and was from Maris, who wants him back. He refuses to sign the settlement, and she sends him the shredded settlement papers and a nickel, accompanied with a note stating that this is all he will have left after the divorce.

fd_FRIENDS_05x01

fd_FRIENDS_05x01_0

[Scene: Ross's Wedding, continued from last season, the Minister is about to marry Ross and Emily.] Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. (Time lapse) Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross... Ross: I Ross... Minister: Take thee, Emily... Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily. Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on? Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there? Emily: Yes, yes, do go on. Minister: I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross... Ross: I, Ross... Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY... Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like there'd be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.) Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us. Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.) Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever. Ross: Happy too. Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife. Ross: Yay! Minister: You may kiss the bride. (He goes to kiss her, but she isn't very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.) Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian. (The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emily's hand, but she snatches it away from him.) Emily: Just keep smiling. Ross: Okay. Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah. Chandler: It could've been worse, he could've shot her. (Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.) Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it? (Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.) Opening Credits [Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.] Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You've spoiled everything! It's like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?! Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right? Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I'll be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) She's just fixing her makeup. Emily: I hate you!! Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room) Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross? Ross: That's true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.) (Mrs. Waltham's phone rings and she answers it.) Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors. Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Philange. Mrs. Waltham: Who? Phoebe: Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own. Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe. Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too! (Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.) Phoebe: Hello? (Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.) Chandler: Hey. Monica: Hey. Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship. Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen? Chandler: Seven times! Monica: Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away... Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country... Monica: I blame London. Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.) Monica: So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right? Chandler: Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're back home, we don't do it. Monica: Only here. Chandler: Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs... Monica: I'll meet you there in two minutes. Chandler: Okay! (He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.) Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something. Monica: (impatiently) Now? Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend that didn't happen can I? Monica: Oh, I-I don't know. Rachel: Monica, what should I do? Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray) Rachel: What? Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.) Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant. Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realize that, I can't help you. Rachel: Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me. (Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.) Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents? Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes. Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this? Joey: Hey, what's up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, he's eating it with his hands.) (Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.) Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar? Chandler: Forget it, that's off. Monica: Why?! Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes... (Joey walks up to them.) Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat until she has the babies! Joey: Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count. Monica: That's true. Chandler: The man's got a point. (Cut to Rachel and Ross.) Rachel: Oh, hi! Ross: Hi! Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well. Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right? Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know? I mean, so you said my name! Y'know you just said it 'cause you saw me there, if you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, "I take thee circus freak." Y'know, it didn't mean anything, it's just a mistake. It didn't mean anything. Right? Ross: No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was you... Rachel: Right... Ross: But it absolutely didn't. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It didn't!! It didn't!! Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so... Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says-I don't care about the stupid band!! Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.) Ross: Look, I'm sorry. Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh? Rachel: (laughs) Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame. Ross: Oh, right! Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y'know? (They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realize what she just said and run over to the bathroom.) Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? I'm coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.) Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing. [Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.] Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me. (She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.) Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi! Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel. Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, don't believe me, I know I'm right-do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink? Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first. Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a table? Chandler: Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes. Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes. Rachel: Okay. (The phone rings and Rachel answers it.) Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It's Phoebe! Chandler: Oh, yay... Monica: Great... Rachel: Hi! Phoebe: Hi, so what happened? Rachel: Well, Ross said my name. Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything. Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then... Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room? Monica: But my clothes are-ohh! (They both leave.) (Cut to Chandler's room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isn't, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.) Chandler: Wow, you look... Monica: No time for that! (They both start to frantically rip each other's clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.) Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here! Chandler: Well, I've got a girl in here. Joey: No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica! Chandler: Well, we're-we're hanging out in here! Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having s*x in there, me or you? Chandler: Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're watching a movie in here? Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant! Joey: My Giant? I love that movie! [Scene: Ross and Emily's room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.] Monica: You really think this is okay? Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it. Monica: Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I feel right about this. Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects s*x. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get s*x. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser. Monica: Okay! Chandler: Okay! (They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.) Ross: (entering) Emily?! Chandler: Nope, not under here! Monica: You didn't find her? Ross: No, I've looked everywhere! Chandler: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would've found her! Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking! Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes. Monica: Or 45. Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.) Ross: No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here. Monica: Well, it's getting late. Chandler: Yeah, we're gonna go. Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while? Monica: Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York. Chandler: Yeah, it's a very large plane. Ross: (disappointed) That's cool. Chandler: But, we'll stay here with you. Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt. (Chandler slowly takes his hand away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Ross and Emily's room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his head in Monica's lap and his feet on Chandler's lap. Monica and Chandler are both still awake and depressed.] Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour. Monica: I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don't you think? Chandler: We can't do that that's insane. I mean 'A' he could wake up and 'B' y'know, let's go for it. (They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but there's a knock on the door that awakens him.) Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.) Mr. Waltham: No. Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she's not with us. Mr. Waltham: We've come for her things. Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she? Mr. Waltham: She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you ever again. Mrs. Waltham: We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you're absolutely delicious. Mr. Waltham: Excuse me, I'm standing right here! Mrs. Waltham: Oh yes, there you are. Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside... (Sees the Walthams and stops.) Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller. Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna be at that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's name, but it didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and that's all! (Rachel sits down, depressed.) That's all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you'll tell her that. Mr. Waltham: All right, I'll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face! Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me. Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.] Monica: Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again. Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realizes something) Y'know, technically we still are over international waters. Monica: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit? Chandler: 'Kay! (Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monica's seat.) Joey: Can I ask you something? Chandler: Uhh, no. Joey: Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I'm just wasting my life with this acting thing? Chandler: No. Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll ever get there? Chandler: Yes. Joey: Thanks man. Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.) Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me? (Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.) Joey: I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man? (Monica returns.) Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour. Monica: I know! Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh? [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.] Phoebe: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hi! (They all hug.) Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had s*x! (They're shocked.) Chandler: No we didn't! Phoebe: I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica. Monica: Phoebe, I did not have s*x. Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off. Joey: All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck. Phoebe: Oh, me too! Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for four days? Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I'll just go home. (She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.) Monica: Well, we certainly are alone. Chandler: Yes! Good thing we have that, 'Not in New York' rule. Monica: Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother... Chandler: Right. Monica: Well, an-anyway, I just-that night meant a lot to me, I guess I'm just trying to say thanks. Chandler: Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me 'cause, you're really hot! Is that okay? Monica: (laughs) That's okay. Chandler: And I'm cute too. Monica: And you're cute too. Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack. Monica: Okay. Chandler: Bye. (After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.) Chandler: (entering) I'm still on London time, does that count? Monica: That counts! Chandler: Oh, good! (They start kissing.) [Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.] Ross: Rach! Rach! Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi! Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here? Rachel: Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours. Ross: Oh. Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh? Ross: Not yet. Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave? Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call. Ross: Pretty soon I guess. Rachel: Yeah. I'm sorry. Ross: I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up? Rachel: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love. Ross: Same difference. Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board. Ross: I get it! Well, that's that. Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go. Ross: What? Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it'd be really good. Ross: Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know... Rachel: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you! Ross: I could, yeah, I can do that. Rachel: Yeah. Ross: I can't, I can't even believe her! No, y'know what, I am, I am gonna go! Rachel: Good! Ross: I know, why not? Rachel: Right! Ross: Right? Rachel: Right! Ross: Y'know-thanks! (They hug) Rachel: Okay, I'll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here. Ross: Yeah, well...nah. Rachel: What? Wait, what? Ross: Why don't you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not? Rachel: Well-well, I don't know Ross-really? Ross: Yeah, yeah, it'll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes? Rachel: Uh-huh. Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend. Rachel: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that! Ross: Okay! Rachel: Okay! Ross: Cool! Rachel: All right! Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here. Rachel: Oh, okay, we're going. Yeah. Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket! Rachel: Oh, wait-wait-wait... Ross: You tell them to wait! Rachel: Okay. Wait! Wait! (Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.) Ross: Emily. (She stares at him and Ross realizes what she's thinking.) Ross: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! (Emily starts to run out and Ross chases her.) No! No! Emily! Ending Credits [Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.] Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Ross's seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airport's moving. (Realizes that that's not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that we're moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.

After Ross mistakenly says Rachel's name instead of Emily's at the altar, she runs off and goes into hiding. Monica and Chandler, desperate to hook up again, are unable to find a suitable place. Rachel debates whether she should confront Ross about her feelings. Ross goes to the airport hoping Emily will show up so they can go on their honeymoon. He runs into Rachel who is on standby for a flight home. When it appears Emily is not coming, Ross persuades Rachel to go with him instead. Emily shows up at the airport, but seeing Rachel getting on the plane, she runs off again with Ross chasing after her. Rachel, waiting for Ross to board the plane, ends up going to Greece alone.

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fd_Hannibal_01x01_0

(sound muted) (soft ambient pulse) (Sound returns.) (siren in the distance) (sound muted) (soft ambient pulse) (Sound returns.) (insects chirping) (house alarm) Will: I shoot Mr. Marlow twice, severing jugulars and carotids with near-surgical precision. He will die watching me take what is his away from him. This is my design. (house alarm) (woman whimpering frantically) Will: I shoot Mrs. Marlow expertly through the neck. This is not a fatal wound. The bullet misses every artery. She is paralyzed before it leaves her body. Which doesn't mean she can't feel pain. It just means she can't do anything about it. This is my design. (house alarm) (Alarm stops.) (phone ringing on other end) (keypad beeps) Security: This is DDX Security. Who am I speaking with? Will: I need the incident report for the home security company. This was recorded as a false alarm. There was a false alarm last week. He tapped their phone. Yeah. Officer: It's been tapped. Will: He recorded Mrs. Marlow's conversation with the security company. Security: This is DDX Security. Who am I speaking with? Mrs. Marlow's Voice Record: Theresa Marlow. Security: Can you please confirm your password for security purposes? Mrs. Marlow's Voice Record: Tea kettle. Security: Thank you, Mrs. Marlow. We detected a front-door alarm. Mrs. Marlow's Voice Record: Yeah, sorry about that. Security: Is there anyone in the house with you at this time, Mrs. Marlow? Mrs. Marlow's Voice Record: I'm just here with my husband. Security: Do you require any further assistance? Mrs. Marlow's Voice Record: No. Thank you so much for calling. Will: And this is when it gets truly horrifying for Mrs. Marlow. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Everyone has thought about killing someone, one way or another, be it your own hand or the hand of God. Now think about killing Mrs. Marlow. Why did she deserve this? Tell me your design. Tell me who you are. Jack: Mr. Graham. Special Agent Jack Crawford. I head the Behavioral Science Unit. Will: We've met. Jack: Yes. We had a disagreement when we opened up the museum. Will: I disagreed with what you named it. Jack: The, uh, Evil Minds Research Museum. Will: It's a little hammy, Jack. Jack: I see you've hitched your horse to a teaching post, and I also understand it's difficult for you to be social. Will: Well, I'm just talking at them. I'm not listening to them. It's not social. Jack: I see. May I? Where do you fall on the spectrum? Will: My horse is hitched to a post that is closer to Asperger's and autistics than narcissists and sociopaths. Jack: But you can empathize with narcissists - and sociopaths. Will: I can empathize with anybody. It's less to do with a personality disorder than an active imagination. Jack: Um can I borrow your imagination? [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: Eight girls abducted from eight different Minnesota campuses, all in the last eight months. Will: I thought there were seven. Jack: There were. Will: When did you tag the eighth? Jack: About three minutes before I walked into your lecture hall. Will: You're calling them abductions because you don't have any bodies? Jack: No bodies, no parts of bodies, nothing that comes out of bodies. Nothing. Will: Then those girls weren't taken from where you think they were taken. Jack: Then where were they taken from? Will: I don't know. Someplace else. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: All of them abducted on a Friday so they wouldn't have to be reported missing until Monday. Now, however he's covering his tracks, he needs a weekend to do it. Will: Number eight? Jack: Elise Nichols. St. Cloud State on the Mississippi. Disappeared on Friday. Was supposed to house sit for her parents over the weekend, feed the cat. She never made it home. Will: Yeah, one through seven are dead, don't you think? He's not keeping them around. He got himself a new one. Jack: So we focus on Elise Nichols. Will: They're all very, um Mall of America. That's a lot of wind-chafed skin. Jack: Same hair colour, same eye colour. Roughly the same age. Same height, same weight. So what is it about all of these girls? Will: It's not about all of these girls. It's just about one of them. He's like Willy Wonka. Every girl he takes is a candy bar, and hidden in amongst all of those candy bars is the one true intended victim, which, if we follow through on our metaphor, is your golden ticket. Jack: So, is he warming up for his golden ticket, or just reliving whatever it is he did to her? Will: The golden ticket wouldn't be the first taken, and she wouldn't be the last. He would, um, hide how special she was. I mean, I would. Wouldn't you? Jack: I want you to get closer to this. Will: No. You have Heimlich at Harvard and Bloom at Georgetown. They do the same thing I do. Jack: That's not exactly true, is it? You have a very specific way of thinking about things. Will: Has there been a lot of discussion about the, uh, specific way - I think? Jack: You make jumps you can't explain, Will. Will: No, no. The evidence explains. Jack: Then help me find some evidences. Will: That may require me to be sociable. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Nichols (echoing voice): She could've gone off by herself. She she was a very interior young woman. She didn't like living in her dorm. I could see how the pressure of school might have gotten to her. She likes trains. Maybe she just got on a train and- Mrs. Nichols: ... She looks like the other girls. Jack: Yes, she fits the profile. Mr. Nichols: Could Elise still be alive? Jack: We simply have no way of knowing. Will: How's the cat? Mrs. Nichols: What? Will: How's your cat? Elise was supposed to feed it. Was the cat weird when you came home? It must've been hungry. It didn't eat all weekend. Mr. Nichols: I... I didn't notice. Jack: Could you give us a moment, please? [SCENE_BREAK] Will (whispering): He took her from here. She got on a train, she came home, she fed the cat. He took her. Jack: The Nichols' house is a crime scene. I need ERT immediately. I want Zeller, Katz, and Jimmy Price. Yes, and a photographer. Mr. Nichols: Why is it now a crime scene? Will: Can I see your daughter's room? Mr. Nichols: Polices were ther this morning... Will: No-I'll get that. Mr. Nichols, please put your hands in your pockets and avoid touching anything. Mr. Nichols: But we've been in and out of here all day. Will: You can hold the cat, if it's easier. Mr. Nichols: Elise- Will: I need you to leave the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: When you're ready to talk, you talk. If you don't feel like it, you don't talk. We'll be downstairs. You let me know when you're ready for us to come in. (siren) (soft ambient pulse) Beverly: You're Will Graham. Will: You're not supposed to be in here. Beverly: You wrote the standard monograph on time of death by insect activity. I found antler velvet in two of the wounds. You, uh, not real FBI? Will: I'm a special investigator. Beverly: Never been an FBI agent? Will: Um strict - screening procedures. Beverly: Detects instability You unstable? Jack: Now, you know you're not supposed to be in here. Beverly: I found antler velvet in two of the wounds, like she was gored. I was looking for velvet in the other wounds - but I was interrupted. Brian: Hold on, excuse me. Look, deer and elk pin their prey, OK? They put all their weight into their antlers, try and suffocate a victim. That's how they would kill, like, a fox or a coyote. Jack: All right, Elise Nichols was strangled, suffocated, her ribs are broken. Will: Antler velvet is rich in nutrients. It actually promotes healing. He may have put it in there on purpose. Jack: You think he was trying to heal her? Will: He wanted to undo as much as he could given that he'd already killed her. Jack: He put her back where he found her. Will: Whatever he did to the others, he couldn't do it to her. Jack: Is this his golden ticket? Will: No. This is an apology. Does anyone have any aspirin? [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Hello. Hey! ... Hey! Hey. Hey. Come on. Come on. Hey. Hey, come here. Hey. Winston, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Winston. (barking) Tss! Tss! That's right. (heartbeat) Jack: What are you doing in here? Will: I enjoy the smell of urinal cake. Jack: Me too. We need to talk. USE THE LADIES' ROOM! You respect my judgment, Will? Mm-hmm. Will: Yes. Jack: Good, because we will stand a better chance of catching this guy with you in the saddle. Will: Yeah, I'm in the saddle. I'm just, um, confused which direction I'm pointing. I don't know this kind of psychopath. I've never read about him. I don't even know if he's a psychopath. He's not insensitive. He's not shallow. Jack: You know something about him; otherwise, you wouldn't have said, "This is an apology". What is he apologizing for? Will: He couldn't honour her. He feels bad. Jack: Well, feeling bad defeats the purpose of being a psychopath, doesn't it? Will: Yes! It does. Jack: Then what kind of crazy is he?! Will: He couldn't show her he loved her, so he put her corpse back where he killed it. Whatever crazy that is. Jack: You think he loves these girls? Will: He loves one of them. A-And, yes, I think by association he has some form of love for the others. Jack: There was no semen, there was no saliva. Elise Nichols died a virgin. She stayed that way. Will: That's not how he's loving them. He wouldn't disrespect them that way! He doesn't want these girls to suffer. He kills them quickly and to his thinking, with mercy. Jack: Sensitive psychopath. Risked getting caught so he could tuck Elise Nichols back into bed. Will: He has to take the next girl soon 'cause he knows he's gonna get caught. One way or the other. [SCENE_BREAK] Beverly: I got you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: Graham likes you. Doesn't think you'll run any mind games on him. Alana: I don't. I'm as honest with him as I'd be with a patient. Jack: You've been observing him while you've been guest lecturing here at the academy, yes? Alana: I've never been in a room alone with Will. Jack: Why not? Alana: Because I want to be his friend, and I am. Jack: Ah, it seems a shame not to take advantage snd academically speaking. Alana: You already asked me to do a study on him, Jack. I said no. And anything scholarly on Will Graham would have to be published posthumously. Jack: So, you've never been alone with him because you have a professional curiosity about him. (Jack chuckles.) Alana: Normally I wouldn't even broach this, but what do you think one of Will's strongest drives is? Jack: Fear. Alana: Mm-hmm. Jack: Will Graham deals with huge amounts of fear. It comes with his imagination. Alana: It's the price of imagination. Jack: Alana, I wouldn't put him out there if I didn't think I could cover him. All right, if I didn't think I could cover him 80%. Alana: I wouldn't put him out there. Jack: He's out there. I need him out there. Should he get too close, I need you to make sure he's not out there alone. Alana: Promise me something, Jack. Don't let him get too close. Jack: He won't ... get too close. [SCENE_BREAK] Jimmy (sighing): OK. Tried her skin for prints of course nothing. We did get a hand spread off her neck. Beverly: Report say anything about nails? Brian: Fingernails were smudged when we took the scrapings. The scrapings were from her own palms when she scratched them. She never scratched him. Beverly: Piece of metal is all we got. Will: We should be looking at plumbers, steamfitters, tool workers. [SCENE_BREAK] Brian: Other injuries were probably but not conclusively post-mortem. So not gored. Beverly: She has lots of piercings that look like they were caused by deer antlers. I didn't say the deer was responsible for putting them there. Will: She was mounted on them. Like hooks. She may have been bled. Brian: Her liver was removed. Jimmy: See that? He took it out, and then - yep, he put it back in. Brian: Huh. Jimmy: Why would he cut it out if he's just gonna sew it back in again? Will: Something wrong with the meat? Brian: She has liver cancer. Will: He's, um he's eating them. [SCENE_BREAK] (crying) Franklin: Please... Thank you. I hate being this neurotic. Hannibal: If you weren't neurotic, Franklyn, you would be something much worse. Our brain is designed to experience anxiety in short bursts, not the prolonged duress yours has seemed to enjoy. That's why you feel as though a lion were on the verge of devouring you. Franklyn... (crying) Franklin: Yes. Hannibal: You have to convince yourself the lion is not in the room. When it is, I assure you, you will know. Jack: Dr. Lecter. I'm, uh, Special Ag- Hannibal: I hate to be discourteous, but this is a private exit for my patients. Jack: Oh, Dr. Lecter. Sorry. Um, I'm, uh, Special Agent Jack Crawford, FBI. May I come in? Hannibal: You may wait in the waiting room. Franklyn, I'll see you next week. Franklin: Yes. Hannibal: Unless, of course, this is about him. Jack: No, this is all about you. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: Please, come in. So, may I ask how this is all about me? Jack: You can ask, but I may have to ask you a few questions first. You expecting another patient? Hannibal: We're all alone. Jack: Oh, good. No secretary? Hannibal: Was predispositioned to romantic whims. Followed her heart to the United Kingdom. (Jack chuckles.) Sad to see her go. Jack: Wow. Are these yours, Doctor? Hannibal: Among the first. My boarding school in Paris when I was a boy. Jack: The amount of detail is incredible. Hannibal: I learned very early a scalpel cuts better points than a pencil sharpener. Jack: Well, now I understand why your drawings earned you an internship at Johns Hopkins. Hannibal: I'm beginning to suspect you're investigating me, - Agent Crawford. Jack (Chuckling): No, no. No, you were referred to me by Alana Bloom in the psychology department Georgetown. Hannibal: Most psychology departments are filled with personality deficients. Dr. Bloom would be the exception. Jack: Yes, she would. Yes, she would. Well, she told me that you mentored her during her residency at Johns Hopkins. Hannibal: I learned as much from her as she did from me. Jack: Yes, but she also showed me, uh, your paper. "Evolutionary" uh, "Evolutionary Origins of Social Exclusion"? Hannibal: Yes. Jack: Very interesting. Very interesting. Even for a layman. Hannibal: A layman? Jack: Yeah. Hannibal: So many learned fellows going about in the halls of Behavioral Science - at the FBI, and you consider yourself a layman. Jack: I do when I'm in your company, doctor. Um, I need you to help me with a psychological profile. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: Tell me, then, how many confessions? Jack: Twelve dozen, the last time I checked. None of them had any details until this morning. And then they all had details. Some genius in Duluth PD took a photograph of Elise Nichols' body with his cell phone, shared it with his friends, and then Freddy Lounds posted it on Tattlecrime.com. Will: Tasteless. Hannibal: Do you have trouble with taste? Will: My thoughts are often not tasty. Hannibal: Nor mine. No effective barriers. Will: I build forts. Hannibal: Associations come quickly. Will: So do forts. Hannibal: Not fond of eye contact, are you? Will: Eyes are distracting you see too much, you don't see enough. And-And it's hard to focus when you're thinking, um, "Oh, those whites are really white", or, "He must have hepatitis", or, "Oh, is that a burst "vein?" So, yeah, I try to avoid eyes whenever possible. Jack? Jack: Yes? Hannibal: I imagine what you see and learn touches everything else in your mind. Your values and decency are present yet shocked at your associations, appalled at your dreams. No forts in the bone arena of your skull for things you love. Will: Whose profile are you working on? Whose profile is he working on? Hannibal: I'm sorry, Will. Observing is what we do. I can't shut mine off any more than you can shut yours off. Will: Please, don't psychoanalyze me. You won't like me when I'm psychoanalyzed. Jack: Will. Will: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go give a lecture on psychoanalyzing. Jack: Maybe we shouldn't poke him like that, Doctor. Perhaps a less, uh, direct approach. Hannibal: What he has is pure empathy. He can assume your point of view, or mine, and maybe some other points of view that scare him. It's an uncomfortable gift, Jack. Jack: Hum. Hannibal: Perception's a tool that's pointed on both ends. This cannibal you have him getting to know I think I can help good Will see his face. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: Stag head was reported stolen last night, about a mile from here. Will: Just the head? Jack: Minneapolis Homicide's already made a statement. They're calling him the Minnesota Shrike. Will: Like the bird? Jimmy: Shrike's a perching bird. Impales mice and lizards on thorny branches and barbed wire. Rips their organs right out of their bodies, puts them in a little birdie pantry, and eats them later. Jack: I can't tell whether it's sloppy - or shrewd. Will: He wanted her found this way. It's... it's petulant. I almost feel like he's mocking her. Or he's mocking us. Jack: Where did all his love go? Will: Whoever tucked Elise Nichols into bed didn't paint this picture. Brian: He took her lungs. I'm pretty sure she was alive when he cut 'em out. Will: Our cannibal loves women. He doesn't want to destroy them. He wants to consume them, to keep some part of them inside. This girl's killer thought that she was a pig. Jack: You think this was a copycat? Will: The cannibal who killed Elise Nichols had a place to do it and no interest in in field kabuki. So, he has a house, or two, or a-a cabin something with an antler room. He has a daughter. The same age as the other girls. Same-same hair colour, same eye colour, same height, same weight. She's an only child. She's leaving home. He can't stand the thought of losing her. She's his golden ticket. Jack: What about the copycat? Will: You know, an intelligent psychopath, particularly a sadist, is very hard to catch. There's no traceable motive, there'll be no patterns. He may never kill this way again. Have Dr. Lecter draw up a psychological profile. You seemed very impressed with his opinion. [SCENE_BREAK] (knocking on door) (blankets shuffling) (footsteps) Hannibal: Good morning, Will. May I come in? Will: Where's Crawford? Hannibal: Deposed in court. The adventure will be yours and mine today. May I come in? [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: I'm very careful about what I put into my body, which means I end up preparing most meals myself. A little protein scramble to start the day. Some eggs, some sausage. Will: Mm, it's delicious. Thank you. Hannibal: My pleasure. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: I would apologize for my analytical ambush, but I know I will soon be apologizing again and you'll tire of that eventually, so I have to consider using apologies sparingly. Will: Just keep it professional. Hannibal: Or we could socialize, like adults. God forbid we become friendly. Will: I don't find you that interesting. Hannibal: You will. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: Agent Crawford tells me you have a knack for the monsters. Will: I don't think the Shrike killed that girl in the field. Hannibal: The devil is in the details. What didn't your copycat do to the girl in the field? What gave it away? Will: Everything. It's like he had to show me a negative so that I could see the positive. That crime scene was practically gift-wrapped. Hannibal: The mathematics of human behaviour all those ugly variables. Some bad math with this Shrike fellow, huh? Are you reconstructing his fantasies? Will: Heh. Hannibal: What kind of problems? Does he have? Will: Uh, he has a few. Hannibal: You ever have any problems, Will? Will: No. Hannibal: Of course you don't. You and I are just alike problem-free. Nothing about us to feel horrible about. You know, Will? I think Uncle Jack sees you as a fragile little teacup. The finest China, used for only special guests. Will (laughing): How do you see me? Hannibal: The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by. Finish your breakfast. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: What are you smiling at? Hannibal: Peeking behind the curtain. I'm just curious how the FBI goes about its business when it's not kicking in doors. Will: You're lucky we're not doing house-to-house interviews. We found a little piece of metal in Elise Nichols' clothes a shred from a pipe threader. Hannibal: There must be hundreds of construction sites all over Minnesota. Will: A certain kind of metal, certain kind of pipe, certain kind of pipe coating, so we're checking all the construction sites that use that kind of pipe. Hannibal: What are we looking for? Will: At this stage, anything really. But mostly, anything peculiar. [SCENE_BREAK] Woman: Two fellas from the FBI. They goin' through the drawers now. Mm-hmm. Puttin' papers in file boxes. Yes, they are takin' things. No. Well, they didn't say- Yes, they can. What did you say your names were? Will: Jimmyt Jacob Hobbs? Woman: He's one of our pipe threaders. Those are all the resignation letters. Plumbers' Union requires 'em whenever members finish a job. (whispering) I'll call you back. Will: Uh, does Mr. Hobbs have a daughter? Woman: Might have. Will: Eighteen or 19, wind-chafed, uh, plain but pretty. She'd have auburn hair, about this tall. Woman: Maybe. I don't know. I don't keep company with these people. Hannibal: What is it about Jimmyt Jacob Hobbs you find so peculiar? Will: He left a phone number, no address. Hannibal: And therefore he has something to hide? Will: The others all left addresses. Do you have an address for Mr. Hobbs? [SCENE_BREAK] Will: I got it. [SCENE_BREAK] Abagail: Hello? Just a second. Dad! It's for you! Mr. Hobbs: Who is this? Abagail: Caller ID said it was blocked. Mr. Hobbs: Hello? Hannibal: Mr. Jimmyt Jacob Hobbs? Mr. Hobbs: Yeah. Hannibal: You don't know me and I suspect we'll never meet. This is a courtesy call. Listen very carefully. Are you listening? Mr. Hobbs: Yes. Hannibal: They know. (birds singing) (rattling) Mrs. Hobbs: Ah ah! [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Jimmyt Jacob Hobbs! FBI! (girl whimpering) (gunshot) No, no, no. Mr. Hobbs: See? See? (girl coughing and gasping) Will: No! No! No! [SCENE_BREAK] Alana: Biting in lesser assaults and bar fights, child abuse. Emergency room personnel may be very helpful that way. If they have any memories of bad bites, no matter who was bitten or h- Jack: Where's Graham? Alana: You said he wouldn't get too close.

FBI Special Investigator Will Graham ( Hugh Dancy ), who is haunted by his ability to empathize with serial killers and mentally re-create their crimes with vivid detail, is drawn into the investigation of a series of missing college girls by Special Agent Jack Crawford ( Laurence Fishburne ), who has special interest in Graham's ability. Crawford and Graham interview the parents of the latest girl to go missing, only to discover that her body has been returned to her bedroom. Graham suspects it is an apologetic gesture from the killer. Crawford, by recommendation of Dr. Alana Bloom ( Caroline Dhavernas ), enlists the help of noted psychiatrist Dr. Hannibal Lecter ( Mads Mikkelsen ), who takes a keen interest in the case and particularly in Graham, in whom he senses a like mind. Another girl, Cassie Boyle, is found, this one mounted on top of a deer's head in an open field with her lungs removed. Graham is convinced it is the work of someone else, a negative, designed to show him the positives of the other crimes. Dr. Lecter is shown preparing himself a meal with human lungs. FBI crime scene investigator Beverly Katz ( Hettienne Park ) finds a shred of metal from a pipe threader on the clothes of the returned girl, which leads Graham and Dr. Lecter to a construction site that employs Garrett Jacob Hobbs, who fits Graham's profile. Dr. Lecter secretly makes a phone call to Hobbs, warning him that "they know". Lecter and Graham arrive at Hobbs's house just as Hobbs kills his wife. Graham shoots Hobbs dead, but not before Hobbs partially cuts his daughter's throat. Later, Graham and Lecter sit with the unconscious girl in her hospital room.

fd_Angel_01x22

fd_Angel_01x22_0

Kate voice over: "Angelus. A particularly brutal b*st*rd by all accounts." Darla: "They gave you a soul, a filthy soul! NO!" Angel: "Darla." Darla: "You're disgusting!" Kate: "What are you?" Angel: "There are some things in this world you are just not ready to face." Lindsey: "If you continue to harass our client then - we will be forced to bring you into the light of day. A place I'm told is not all that healthy for you." Lindsey: "I need your help. I want out." Lindsey: "If I get myself killed - that will convince you I've changed." Angel: "It's a start." Holland: "What I'm offering you, Lindsey, is the world." Angel steals the scroll from the vault. Wesley: "Is there a reason you took this?" Angel: "I don't really know." Wesley: "The prophecies of Aberjian. - - There is an entire passage - about you." Wesley is researching while Angel is reading a book and Cordy is reading the paper. Wesley: "Shanshu. - Shanshu. - Or maybe it's shushan." Cordy: "Are you still trying to figure out that word? What's taking so long?" Wesley: "Gee, I don't know, Cordelia. The prophecies of Aberjian were only written over the last 4000 years, in a dozen different languages, some of which aren't even human! Why don't we just get a Falanjoid demon in here, suck the brain out of my skull. Maybe that would speed things up." Cordy: "He sure gets testy when he's translating." Wesley: "This word is pivotal to what it prophesies about the vampire with a soul." Cordy: "Well, hurry up and figure out what it says about Angel, because - I wanna know what it says about me. If there is torrid romance in my future - massive wealth? If I have to I'll settle for enviable fame." Wesley: "This is an ancient sacred text, not a magic eight ball." Cordy: "Nobody gets my humor." Angel: "I thought it was funny." Cordy: "Hmm." The camera pans by a sign out in the entrance to Angel's building: Directory: Casas Manufacturing 101 - Angel Investigations 103 - John Folger, DDS 104 - Herbert Stein 105. A figure wearing a hooded cape moves past. Cordy: "Hey guys? Remember born-again lawyer-boy who wanted out of Wolfram & Hart so bad?" Angel: "Lindsey?" Cordy: "They just promoted him. - Junior partner." Wesley: "After all you did for him - he sells his soul for thirty pieces of silver." Cordy: "Actually he sold it for a six-figure salary and a full benefits package." Wesley: "It's disappointing. He had an opportunity to change." Angel goes back to reading his book: "He didn't take it." Angel freezes then looks up. Wesley: "What?" Angel: "Little late for visitors." Angel gets up and goes out into the outer office. Cordy and Wesley follow. Cut to the hooded figure shown form behind. Angel taps it on the back with his battle ax and it cowers down letting out a scream. Angel: "Mr. Nabbit?" Cordy: "David?" Nabbit: "Heart - heart - heart my throat." Angel: "I'm sorry. I didn't - I didn't mean to..." Nabbit: "No, that was awesome. Can we do it again?" Wesley: "Are you - do you need help?" Nabbit: "Me? No. I just popped by to hang. I blew off my board of directors 'cause tonight's my turn to be dungeon master. What do you think of my cape?" Cordy: "Shiny." Nabbit: "You guys wanna hang? (Looks past Angel into the office) Oh, wow. Wow, wow. (Enters the office and gives a whistle) This is where it all happens. They're helpless - in agony - they have no one to turn to so they - come here to you. - Drink that coffee - sit on this couch. (sits down) - Unspeakable fiends from hell hot on their heels. (Everyone looks at him silently) Ah, what did I do? Spun off my digital pager network, made a few more million. (Everyone just stares) Alright, several. - Big whoop! What does that mean?" Cordy: "No more shopping in the Pennysaver?" Nabbit: "It's just you guys, - your lives are so meaningful - so exciting. You fight demons! At any moment one could walk right through that very door! (Everyone looks over at the door then they turn back to look at Nabbit) - - You guys seen any cool demons lately?" Cut to two monks chanting and a white circle between some trees. Chanting: "This hallowed ground is made ready. His time is at hand. For as it is written he of pure darkness shall come into the light." The ground trembles, the circle flames up high. Through the flames we see a face, covered down to its mouth by a bronze-colored mask and framed by the hood of a cloak. He steps from the circle and walks past the two monks to where Lindsey, Lilah and Holland are waiting in front of their office building. Holland: "Welcome to Wolfram & Hart. I hope you had a pleasant journey?" The demon walks past them without a word and the three lawyers follow. Intro Back to where we left Angel and Co. standing silently in front of Nabbit sitting on the couch. Nabbit: "You guys - I, - never know what's going to happen around here. That's... (Gets up abruptly and walks out) Okay. Good to see you." Angel: "You too." Cordy: "It was fun." Wesley: "Drop by again." Nabbit: "We'll hang soon." Wesley after a beat: "I think I know what it means." Cordy: "A very wealthy man with just - no life at all?" Wesley: "No. The word in the scroll." He goes into Angel's office and the others follow. Cordy: "That shoe shine thing?" Wesley: "Shanshu." Angel sits down and resumes reading his book. Wesley: "If it isn't Phygian but instead descends from the ancient Magyar's then its root is proto-Ugaric. In which case it would mean..." Cordy: "What?" Wesley at his book: "Death." Cordy: "But you said it was all about the vampire with the soul. (Wesley looks at her then they both look at Angel, who is reading his book as if he hadn't even heard Wesley) Angel's going to die?" Angel glances up: "Oh. Anything else?" Cordy: "He certainly took that well. - Is this that opportune time to talk about my raise?" Wesley: "It's probably years off - ah, after the coming battles." Cordy: "My raise?" Wesley: "Apocalyptic prophecies aren't exactly a science. And-and I could be way off the mark, so - no reason to be concerned." Angel never looking up from his book: "Hmm." Wesley: "So it's good you're not concerned. - Not - even remotely concerned." Angel glances from Wesley to Cordy then jumps up to catch her as she has a vision of a blurry lady being attacked. Angel: "Easy, easy, easy." Cordy: "Pain - killer." Wesley: "Painful killer-demon." Cordy: "Painkiller!" Wesley: "Oh." Cordy: "A woman, judging by the plastic bag on her head I'm guessing homeless, versus a slime demon." Angel: "Where?" Cordy: "I smelled something awful - that would be the slime demon - Yuck! - who lives behind a waste treatment plant in El Segundo." Angel turns to leave: "Got it!" Wesley: "Do you need...?" Angel: "Nope. Stay here and take care of her." Cordy: "Enough with the scratch-and-sniff visions!" Wesley hands her some pain pills: "Here we are." Cordy: "Ah, thanks. I ever meet these Powers That Be - I'm gonna punch'm in the nose! (Wesley tries to suppress a smile)- Do you think they have a nose?" Cut to Wolfram and Hart. Vocah: "You lost the scroll of Aberjian?" Holland: "The scroll was stolen from our vault." Vocah: "The raising can not be performed without the scroll." Lilah: "We understand." Lindsey steps forward: "It was my mistake. I'll rectify it." Vocah: "You will do nothing. I will retrieve the scroll myself. Who stole it?" Holland: "Angel." Vocah: "Angel! I am summoned for the raising - the very thing that was to bring this creature down to us -tear him from the Powers That Be - and he - has the scroll." Lilah: "We're not unaware of the irony." Vocah: "He is in the possession of the scroll. His connection to the Powers That Be is complete." Lilah: "He hasn't had time to make a full study of the text." Vocah: "No, and he won't. All avenues to the Powers shall be cut off from him and the scroll returned to us." Lindsey: "What can we do to help?" Vocah: "You can leave it to me." Vocah and the two monks leave the room. Holland: "Well - end of discussion?" Two police officers watch as a police car drives up with lights and siren going. Kate Lockley gets out of the car. 1.Officer: "Told you she'd show. She listens to the nut-calls on her scanner." 2.Officer: "Sure she doesn't pick up the radio waves on her brain chip?" Kate steps up to them. 1.Officer: "Detective. According to the report there was a lot of, quote, otherworldly howling and wailing." 2.Officer: "The call said something about something slimy dragging a homeless woman away." Kate: "I heard the call. Stay here." 1.Officer: "Don't you want some backup, detective?" 2.Officer: "Or a Ouija board?" Kate gives them a look but proceeds into the alley without a word. She hears a woman moaning and a man talking, and puts her hand on her gun. Angel and the homeless woman come around a corner. Woman: "See what they do? You turn your back and they come for you." Angel: "You're safe now." Woman: "Yeah, you killed him. Sliced him up real good. (Kate takes her hand off her gun and fold her arms in front of her as they come up to her.) He saved me from one of their spies. And by the way - I don't appreciate the dental association watching me like that." Woman walks past Kate and keeps on going while Angel stops. Angel: "Hi." Kate: "What was it?" Angel: "It's okay. It won't hurt anyone else." Kate: "What was it?" Angel: "Slime demon." Kate: "Gee, this town has everything, doesn't it? Demons, fiends, vampires..." Angel: "Look, I know this hasn't been easy for you. It's okay most people can't handle what's really out here, Kate. Maybe you should think about..." Kate laughs. Kate: "Sorry. It's just someone who's not even a person lecturing me on 'most people,' it's kind of funny. - I can handle it fine. - And I don't care about most people and what they think of me. - What I do care about it ridding this city of your kind." Angel: "My kind." Kate: "Your kind. The kind that killed my father? Did you think I would just forget about that? - I don't forget anything." Kate turns and walks back the way she came. Angel looks after her for a moment then turns and leaves as well. Next day. Wesley is sitting in front of Angel's desk in the office and closes the book in front of him. Wesley: "Death. (He gets up and walks into the outer office to sit down across from Cordelia) Every source says it's death." Cordy: "Well, it's just a prophecy. It's not like it came from on high." Wesley: "That's what a prophecy is, Cordelia." Cordy: "Alright. Yeah, but Angel faces death all the time - just like a normal guy faces waffles and French-fries. It's something he faces every day like - lunch. - Are you hungry?" She gets up to get a doughnut. Wesley: "The fact that his death is prophesied - which isn't good news - doesn't concern me nearly as much as the way he took that news." Cordy: "What? He didn't scream like a girl as some of us would have? (Sits back down) Angel's cool." Wesley: "Angel's cut off. Death doesn't bother him because - there is nothing in life he wants! It's our desires that make us human." Cordy eating her doughnut: "Angel is kind of human. - He's got a soul." Cordy goes for another doughnut. Wesley: "He's got a soul - but he's not a part of the world. (Gets up) He-he can never be part of the world." Cordy: "Because he doesn't want stuff? - That's ridiculous. (Wesley takes her doughnut away from her) Hey! I want that!" Wesley: "What connects us to life?" Cordy: "Right now? I'm going with doughnuts." Wesley: "What connects us to life is the simple truth that we are part of it. - We live, we grow, we change. - But Angel..." Cordy: "Can't do any of those things. - Well, what are you saying, Wesley? - That Angel has nothing to look forward to? That he's going to go on forever, the same, in the world, but always cut off from it?" Wesley: "Yes." Cordy: "Well, that sucks! We've got to do something. We've got to help him." Wesley: "I'm not sure we can." Cordy: "What is your deal? You go around boring everyone with your musty scrolls and then you say there is nothing we can do?" Wesley: "He is what he is." Cordy: "He's Angel. He's good. And he helps the helpless and now - he's one of them. - Well, he's gonna have to start wanting things from life, whether he wants to or not!" Angel comes up the elevator and Cordy and Wesley go into his office to greet him. Angel: "Morning." Cordy: "Morning. - Want some coffee?" Angel: "No, thanks." Cordy: "How about a doughnut? Chocolate..." Angel looking through a book: "No." Cordy: "Creamy fillings?" Angel laughs a little as he looks at her: "No. I don't want anything. (Cordelia makes a sound and looks at Wesley) Am I supposed to know what this is about?" Wesley: "We - were just discussing how - you don't - want that many things." Cordy: "You're cut off from life. But don't worry, I'm gonna help you with that." Angel: "Oh. Good." Cordy: "We'll start small. Keep it simple. - How would you like a puppy? (Angel just looks at her) Right. - A Ficus? They're low maintenance. - Ant farm?" Wesley: "I have to go." Angel: "Where are you going?" Wesley: "Rare book shops. I need references to translate the - prophecy. - Probably not a good idea to take the scroll with me." Angel: "No. I'll lock it up downstairs in the weapons cabinet." Wesley: "Angel - I hope I'm wrong about all this but - it might be a good time to consult the Oracles." Angel: "I don't need to see the Oracles about this." Wesley: "Well, think about it." Wesley leaves. Cordy: "Oracles. - Get out of the house. - Could be fun." Angel turns and goes back down the elevator. Cut to the chamber of the Oracles. Woman: "How dare you enter this sacred space." Man: "Who do you think you are?" Woman: "We do not appreciate being summoned by a lower being." Man: "Who knows no better than to come here on a whim." Vocah: "I'm not here on a whim." Woman: "We do not council your kind. The powers of darkness are not allowed to cross this threshold. How did you get in?" Vocah: "The old order passes away and the new order's come. He that was first shall now be last and he that was dead shall now arise." Woman: "Yes, and he that is trespassing shall now depart." Vocah puts a hand behind his back. Man: "We shall speak no more." A battle scythe grows in Vocah's hand. Vocah: "Yes - I know." Cordy is walking through an open market. Picks up a set of paints. Woman: "Do you paint?" Cordy: "Oh, no. I was just looking for something for a friend. I thought maybe if he had a hobby... - He's a little detached from things." Woman: "Well, they say art is the best therapy for that." Cordy: "Really?" Woman: "Sure, they use it in mental institutions all the time. You get the patients drawing and working with clay - helps them to get back in touch." Cordy: "Well, he is not crazy or anything. He's - just different?" Woman: "Depressed." Cordy: "Well, he wears a lot of black. - How much are these pastels?" Woman: "Oh, these are on special. You get the entire set, the large one, and some drawing paper and little pop-up easel..." Her voice fades as the camera moves away into the crowd - to show Vocah walking by himself. (Close Captioning has: Woman: "...all for thirty four bucks." Cordy: "Awesome!" Woman: "Yeah." Cordy: "Okay. Oh, like this? This... Is this the pop-up?" Woman: "Uh-huh.") Woman hands Cordy two big bags. Woman: "I think you have everything he'll need and then some. You made my day. Thanks." Cordy: "You're welcome. Woman: "You must be really good friends." Cordy: "Yeah. Thank you." Woman: "Take care." Cordy: "Bye." As Cordy walks away Vocah passes her from behind his hand brushing lightly against hers. Cordy looks around but doesn't see anything. She starts to walk on when she get hit by a short vision. She pulls out her cell phone, but before she can dial out she gets hit by another stronger vision. This one doesn't end, and she falls to the ground screaming. The art lady comes over and crouches down beside her and screams for someone to dial 911. Cut to Angel's building - night. Vocah walks into Angel Investigations. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Angel walking down the steps to his apartment, studying the scroll. He rolls it up and locks it into the weapons cabinet. Senses something and turns back to the cabinet when the phone rings. Angel: "Hello? - Yeah, what happened to her? - I'm her employer. - She doesn't have any family in town. What happened? - I'm on my way." Hangs up the phone and hurries out, snagging his coat on the way. Vocah walks in, breaks open the weapons cabinet, takes the scroll, puts something in its place, and closes it again. Cut to Angel running down a hospital corridor. Stops at the nurse's station. Angel: "I'm looking for Cordelia Chase." Nurse: "She is ah, the doctor is with her. If you'll just have a seat over there... (Angel hears Cordy scream and hurries on) Wait! You have to let the doctor handle this!" Cordelia is convulsing on a bed. Doctor: "Try another five mil of Ativan." Angel comes in the room. Doctor: "Hey, you can't be in here." Angel: "What happened?" Doctor: "Are you family?" Angel: "Yes!" Doctor: "They brought her in a few hours ago. I'm not sure what happened." We get a flash of the vision Cordy is seeing. Doctor: "Does she have a history of mental illness?" Angel: "No." Doctor: "Does she use drugs?" Angel: "No." Doctor: "Well, she is having a psychotic episode. We've done a CAT scan. There is no organic damage that we can see, but we can't seem to sedate her." Angel: "Cordelia, can you hear me? - Cordelia! (More vision flashes) Cordelia!" Doctor: "We're trying a number of different drug therapies. Do you know if she has any allergies?" Angel: "I don't think so. Drugs won't help her." Doctor: "Well, something better. I need to inform you, if we don't find a way to stop it..." Angel looks from the convulsing Cordy to the doctor and back. Cut to Wesley walking into the office carrying books. He goes downstairs and sees the broken lock on the weapons cabinet. He puts the books down and opens it slowly, then starts to back away. Angel pulls up across the street and gets out of his car. When he is halfway across, a fiery blast coming form the lower story lifts him into the air. He lands in a heap on the road while flames engulf the building and car alarms start blaring all along the street. Angel runs into his burning apartment form the parking garage. Angel: "Wesley! - Wesley! - Wesley! Wes! Wes!" He sees Wesley laying on the stairs leading up. He checks for a pulse. Angel: "Wes. Wesley." He slings Wesley over his shoulder and heads out. Cut to fire engines and police in front of the building. Wesley, wearing an oxygen mask is being wheeled over to an ambulance with Angel walking beside him. He watches as they load him up, the starts for his car. Kate: "Never a dull moment with you around, is there." Angel: "I have to go." Kate: "Who the hell do you think you are? You are a major witness to a major crime scene. You are not going anywhere." Angel: "You want to try and stop me, Kate?" Kate: "I'm glad we are not playing friends anymore. And I'm real sick and tired of your attitude. There is a thing called the law!" Angel: "This isn't about the law, this is about a little thing - called life. Now I'm sorry about your father. But I didn't kill your father. And I'm sick and tired of you blaming me - for everything you can't handle! You want to be enemies? Try me." Angel hurries past her to his car while she looks after him. Cut to a nurse trying to restart a patient's heart with electro-shock. Nurse: "Clear! - Okay, I got him back." The camera pans over to another bed and an unconscious and battered Wesley. His heart monitor is beeping regularly. The camera pans to show Angel standing beside his bed watching him. After a moment Angel turns and the camera shows him walking into another wing and to Cordelia's bed. Cordelia is sedated, so she is no longer convulsing, but she still has permanent visions. Angel takes hold of her left hand and leans on the bed. Angel: "Cordelia - I'm gonna fix this. - Promise. - I'm gonna get you back. - I need you back." He looks as he lets go of her hand and notices a black symbol on the back of it. Cut to Angel holding a piece of paper with the symbol on it as he does the spell to get to the Oracles. Angel: "I come before the Oracles for guidance and direction. I beseech access to the knowing ones." The doorway opens with a blinding flash of light. Angel stumbles into the chamber of the Oracles, blinking his eyes and sees the Oracles lying on the floor, dead, Vocah's bloody scythe still buried in the woman's body. A ghostly image of the woman appears beside him. Woman: "It's unfortunate. Things are unraveling. The dark ones broach our temples now." Angel: "Can you help me?" Woman: "I can't stay long. I've been dead a while. So far I don't like it." Angel: "My friend who gets the visions..." Woman: "Is in trouble. It's his mark, the one who did this." Angel: "Who? Who did this?" Woman: "Vocah. Warrior of the underworld. He wants you weak. So he opened her mind to all the ones who cry out in pain and need. She doesn't have long either." Angel: "How can I stop it?" Woman: "The sacred scroll of Aberjian is now in Vocah's possession. The scroll is what you need." Angel as she fades: "Wait." Woman: "Find the scroll. The words of Anatole, only they can remove the mark and save your friend." Angel: "Tell me where to find him. I'll repay him for what he did here." Woman: "He is here for the raising." Angel: "The raising?" Woman: "Like so many of them he hides behind man's law. Stop him." She fades. Angel: "I will." Angel grabs the scythe and leaves. Cut to Milano's Italian Kitchen, outside, night. Gunn and some of his gang are loading boxes of leftovers into the back of their truck. Gunn: "This is good. A lot of hungry people are going to appreciate this. You are doing god's work here. If god was a busboy he'd look just like you Jesus. Toss it up, brother. Alright!" We hear car tires screeching. Gunn: "Yo, yo, heads up!" He and his gang scramble for their weapons. Angel's convertible come to a screeching stop. Gunn: "Put them down. I know this fool. (Jumps off the truck and walks to meet Angel) That was entertaining. What you got under that hood." Angel: "I need your help." Gunn: "Yeah, well, I figured you didn't roar in here to ask me after my health. It's pretty good, by the way. - You getting enough iron? You look a little pale. - Okay, it's traditional in the human world to humor people who've done favors for you in the past." Angel: "Your about to do me another one." Gunn: "Yeah, well, if it's tossing a vampire in with them lawyers, I'm in. Because that was my idea of a good time." Angel: "My people, they are in the hospital. St. Matthews. One's in ICU, one's in the neuro-psychiatric Unit. They need protection while I hunt down the guy who put them there." Gunn: "He's gonna come after them himself or is he gonna send someone?" Angel: "However he comes, he's not gonna get them. These people mean a lot to me." Gunn: "I'm getting that." Cut to a crypt. Five vampires are chained to a box sitting in the middle of a five pointed star inside a star laid into the floor. The two monks enter followed by Vocah. Monks: "We have prepared a holy place in the darkness and anointed it with oil. We have taken of the blood of the living and gathered together the living dead." Vocah: "As it was written they shall prepare the way and the very gate of hell shall open. That which is above shall tremble (earth trembles) for that which is below shall arise. And the world shall know the beast shall know the world." A group of people is walking down the steps in front of Wolfram and Hart. Lilah: "Aren't we going to be late?" Holland: "You never want to be on time for a ritual, the chanting, the blood rites, they go on forever." We see Angel peek out from behind a pillar as Lindsey motions to two guys standing in front of a moving van. Lindsey: "You guys follow us." Holland to Lindsey: "I know you've covered all the bases here." Lindsey: "Yes, sir." Holland: "Senior partners are keeping a close watch on us. We don't want let them down." Lindsey: "We won't." Holland gets into the Limo but Lilah turns to Lindsey for a moment before following him. Lilah to Lindsey: "Remember when Robert Price let the senior partners down and they made him eat his liver? - I don't know what made me think of that." After a moment Lindsey follows the other two into the back of the limo. Angel watches them drive off, followed by the movers. He gets into his car and trails them. Cut to Vocah doing the ritual, walking from one point of the star to the next. Vocah: "Five are without breath." Monks: "Yet they live." Vocah: "Five are without time." Monks: "Yet they live." The party from Wolfram and Hart enters the crypt. Vocah: "Five are without soul." Monks: "Yet they live." Holland: "They haven't even gotten to the Latin yet." Vocah: "Five are without sun." Monks: "Yet they live." Vocah looks up, then lays the scroll down on top of the crate and walks to face some steps leading down into the crypt. Lilah: "What is it?" Holland: "I don't know." Vocah produces another scythe. A moment later Angel burst through the door at the top of the stairs and the two of them get into a battle of the scythes. Holland: "Lindsey?" Lindsey watches the fight between Vocah and Angel for a moment then steps forward into the circle and picks up the scroll. Lindsey: "Five are dead. - Say it!" Monks: "Yet they live." Lindsey speaking Latin. Translation according to RayneFire from the Buffy Shooting Script Website: Lindsey: "Et illi quinque sacrificum est et illi que est mortuus vivet." Translation: "And the five shall be a sacrifice... and the one who is dead shall live..." Holland (to Lilah): "Get the movers in here." Lilah: "Yes, sir." Lindsey: "Dum vita et mors non duas res sed unas sunt. In tenebris lux est, in luge tenebrae sunt. Serge! Serge! Serge! Serge! Serge! Serge! Translation: "Even as life and death are not two things but one... in darkness is the light, in light is the darkness. Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise!" The five vampires turn to dust and bones as the earth shakes and a whirlwind begins to spin around the box. The whirlwind sucks the vampire dust and bones into the box, then a ring of light explodes outward throwing Lindsey against the wall. He lands in an unconscious heap on the floor. Angel and Vocah are fighting on as if nothing had happened. The movers rush in. Holland: "Get it out of here." The movers push the box out. Holland throws a quick glance at the unmoving Lindsey then follows the others out of the crypt. Angel and Vocah are still fighting. Lindsey slowly comes to. He still has the scroll. Angel finally gets the scythe away from Vocah and pins him up against the wall. He knocks the mask of Vocah's face to reveal a maggot filled hole where his nose should be. Angel: "Nice." Angel drives the blade of the scythe into Vocah's chest, killing him. Behind him Lindsey has made it to his feet and grabs a hold of post topped by a cross and brandishes it in Angel's direction. Angel slowly walks towards him, bloody scythe held loosely in his right hand. Angel: "Lindsey, give me the scroll." Lindsey: "That's not gonna happen. It belongs to us." Angel: "Us. You put your faith in Wolfram and Hart." Lindsey: "You said I had to make a choice." Angel: "And you did." Lindsey: "Yeah. I had a crisis - and I want to thank you for your help with that - but I see things more clearly now." Angel: "You don't see anything. You don't know what faith is." Lindsey holds up the scroll: "I see that what happened here tonight was foretold - that doesn't bode well for you. - I see that you are either the one with the power - or you're powerless." Angel: "Uh-huh. You see what I'm gonna do to you if you don't give me that scroll?" Lindsey: "You need the words of Anatole to cure your friend. She is your connection to the Powers That Be. And since it's foretold that we sever all your connections (holds the scroll into the flames burning in the urn beside him) well..." Angel throws the scythe, cutting off Lindsey's hand at the wrist. Lindsey drops the cross and screams as he drops to the ground. He is cradling his bleeding stump against his chest, as Angel goes to retrieve the scroll from the floor beside him. Angel: "Don't believe everything you're foretold." Lindsey tries to suppress his screams as Angel walks out. Cut to Cordelia lying on the hospital bed. Wesley is sitting in a wheelchair beside it with Angel leaning over her bed on the other side. Wesley: "And if the beast shalt find thee, and touch thee, thou shalt be wounded in they soul - and thou shalt know madness. - The beast shalt attack and cripple thee and thou shalt know neither friend nor family. - But thou shalt undo the beast. Thou shalt find the sacred words of Anatole and thou shalt be restored. - Three times shalt thou say these words: unbind - unbind - unbind." (Close Captioning gives a different text from what Wesley actually says: "The sins of man shall inflame the earth and bring a great scourge. A fighting beast from hell will arise. The beast shalt attack and cripple thee and shalt poison thee, mind and body, with its mark. But thou shalt undo the beast. Thou shalt take refuge in the holy words of Anatole as handed down to him by the elders. And thou shalt be restored whole. Three times shalt thou say these words: Unbind. Unbind. Unbind.") Cut to the nurses walking down the corridor. A white flash comes from Cordelia's room and she hurries towards it. Cordelia blinks her eyes. Angel looks down at her hand. The mark is gone. Cordy looks up at Angel and he smiles at her. Angel: "Hey." Cordy: "Angel?" Angel: "Welcome back." Cordy looks over at Wesley. Nurse: "I'll get Dr. Evans." Leaves. Cordy looks back at Angel: "I saw them all. There is so much pain. - We have to help them." Angel: "We will. (Strokes her cheek) We will." Cut to a shot of Angel's hand gripping hers tightly. Cordelia's apartment - day. Cordelia is in the kitchen fixing a sandwich. Goes to the fridge. Pan to Wesley sitting at the living room table, the scroll and books spread out around him. Angel is sitting on a chest against the wall. Wesley: "Here is something." Angel: "What is it?" Wesley: "The beast of Amalfie, a razor toothed six-eyed harbinger of death. No, wait, that's due to arise in 2003 in Reseda." Angel: "I would have guessed Tarzana." Cordy set the sandwich and a glass of milk on the table in front of Wesley. Wesley: "Better cross-reference that." Cordy goes back into the kitchen and gets a plastic cup filled with blood. Wesley: "I'm sorry, I don't know what they raised in that box. - I'll keep looking." Cordy: "You've been looking for two days. You need to relax and charge the brain cells. (Hands him the plate with the sandwich) Here. Eat." Wesley accepts it and looks over at Angel. Cordy hands Angel the cup with the blood: "You too. (Angel looks up at her) Don't be embarrassed. We're family." Angel accepts the cup. Cordy notices Wesley staring at her. Cordy: "What?" Wesley: "It's just I... - I'm not used to..." Angel: "He is not used to the new you." Cordy: "I know what's out there now. We have a lot of evil to fight, a lot of people to help. - I just hope skin and bones here can figure out what those lawyers raised *sometime* before the prophecy kicks in and - you croak. - That was the old me, wasn't it?" Angel: "I like them both." Wesley looking at his books: "Ah - oops. - I may have made a tiny mistake. (Angel sets the cup of blood down and gets up) The word Shanshu that I said meant you were going to die? Actually I think it means that you are going to live." Cordy: "Okay, as tiny mistakes go - that's not one!" Wesley: "Shanshu has roots in so many different languages. The most ancient source is the Proto-Bantu and they consider life and death the same thing, part of a cycle, only a thing that's not alive never dies. It's- it's saying - that you get to live until you die. - It's saying - it's saying you become human." Cordy: "That's the prophecy?" Wesley: "Ah, the vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, will Shanshu. Become human. - It's his reward." Cordy: "Wow. Angel, human." Angel: "That'd be nice." Cordy: "Wait. What's that thing about him having to fulfill his destiny first?" Wesley: "Well, it's saying that it won't happen tomorrow or the next day. He has to survive the coming darkness, the apocalyptic battles, a few plagues, and some - uh, several, - not that many - fiends that will be unleashed." Angel: "So don't break out the champagne just yet." Cordy: "Yeah, break out the champagne, Pinocchio. This is a big deal!" Angel: "I guess it is." Cordy: "Typical. I hook up with the only person in history who ever came to LA to get older." Cut to Wolfram and heart - day. Lilah, Holland and Lindsey are entering the vault where the box from the ritual is stored. Lindsey's right arm is in a sling. Holland: "The senior partners were very impressed with your sacrifice. (Lindsey looks at him) Trust me, we'll even the score with them." Lindsey: "Yes, we will." Holland: "Beginning with what's in that box." Lilah leaning to look in through the bars running along the top of the box: "We are all very pleased you're here. - I know it's a bit confusing - but it's going to be better soon - a lot better, (Camera pans to show a naked woman crouched in one corner of the box) Darla."

Wolfram & Hart raises a powerful warrior demon, Vocah, to sever Angel's connections to the Powers. Then, using an incantation from the ancient scroll that Angel stole from Wolfram & Hart, the evil law firm raises an even more powerful adversary. Vocah inundates Cordelia with visions putting her in a coma - the only way to save her is with the words of Anatole, from the scroll. Angel gets the scroll back by cutting off Lindsay's hand. The episode ends showing the demon Wolfram & Hart have raised to defeat Angel, it is his sire Darla.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_02x01

fd_Gilmore_Girls_02x01_0

2.01 - Sadie, Sadie [OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW] [Camera pans around the center of town, which is covered in yellow daisies. Lorelai and Rory are crossing the street.] RORY: You should get married in Italy. LORELAI: All the way from home, same topic. There's tons of stuff going on in the world. Big stuff. RORY: Like? LORELAI: Balkans. RORY: That was ages ago. Read a paper. LORELAI: Ugh. They make my hands black. RORY: Oh! You should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good. LORELAI: Pot Roast. RORY: And you should wear a long veil with your hair up. LORELAI: Ugh, I'll take any other subject in the world for two hundred Alex. RORY: Why don't you want to think about this? LORELAI: Because I haven't made my mind up about the yes or no part, so I don't want to start fantasizing about dresses and flowers or doves and tulle until I do, so please change the subject. RORY: I think the bridesmaids should be able to pick their own dresses. LORELAI: You know how on All in the Family when Edith would be yapping about something and Archie would pretend to make a noose and hang himself or shoot himself in the head? RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: I don't know. Something about this moment just made me think of that. RORY: Fine, I'm done. I'm taking these to Lane. LORELAI: Okay. Meet me at Luke's. RORY: Oh, get me a paper please. LORELAI: But my hands! [OPENING CREDITS] [CUT TO LANE'S HOUSE] [Rory walks in carrying flowers as Lane is arguing with her mother.] MRS. KIM: No! LANE: A time frame? MRS. KIM: No, no more talking. LANE: But Mama, please just tell me! MRS. KIM: It's not for you to think about. All under control. LANE: Just give me a hint. MRS. KIM: Children will know what their parents think they can handle. LANE: I'm sorry, was that the hint? MRS. KIM: I have to work. [walks away] RORY: Hey, I came to bring you some of my mom's flowers. LANE: Thanks. RORY: Are you okay? LANE: No, I'm not okay. RORY: What's wrong? Did she find your CD burner? LANE: My mother and father are sending me to Korea for the summer to visit my cousins. RORY: So? LANE: They're sending me to Korea and they won't tell me when I'm coming back. RORY: What do you mean they won't tell you when you're coming back? LANE: I mean, they bought me a one way ticket. One way! The plane goes there and stops! RORY: Are you sure? LANE: I called the airline to confirm it, and my parents were in their room whispering all morning. And when my mother came out, she looked very happy. She was humming. I swear, they're planning to send me Korea for the rest of my life. RORY: Lane, come on. LANE: It's gonna be just like that Sally Field movie when her husband took them to Iran and wouldn't let them come back, except that I won't have to keep my head covered. RORY: Okay, calm down. LANE: Calm down? Are you listening? I am being shipped off to Korea! RORY: Yes, I think you're freaking out a little prematurely. LANE: Oh really? RORY: Yes, I mean, let's think about this. Maybe there's some deal with the airline and that's why the ticket's one way. Or maybe they haven't worked out the plans with your cousins yet. Or there's a weather consideration or a holiday you don't know about or. . .Wow, I'm really gonna miss you. MRS. KIM: [calls] Lane, come here please! LANE: I have to go. You've been a good friend. [CUT TO NEWSSTAND] LORELAI: Hey Bootsy. BOOTSY: So, apparently they shoot a gland from a pig's head in Ivana Trump's read end twice a month to keep her looking young. LORELAI: Wow, hope she's not Kosher. BOOTSY: I don't know, doesn't say here. [Lorelai buys a paper, then stops to stare at the bridal magazines] BOOTSY: Hey. LORELAI: [startled] Hey, what, nothing, what. . .pas? BOOTSY: You a Leo? LORELAI: No. BOOTSY: Thank God. Those guys are screwed this week. [Lorelai takes one of the Bridal Magazines, starts flipping through it] RORY: What'cha reading? LORELAI: Oh God, do not sneak up on a person like that. RORY: InStyle Weddings. Very interesting. LORELAI: No, not very interesting. RORY: Get any ideas? LORELAI: Yes, we should have cake more often. RORY: Hey Bootsy, I'll take this. LORELAI: Oh, no. I just. . .don't. . . BOOTSY: It's six bucks. MISS PATTY: Lorelai! LORELAI: Oh geez. MISS PATTY: So . LORELAI: Hi Patty. MISS PATTY: InStyle Weddings! You said yes! LORELAI: Oh no, not yet! MISS PATTY: Yet! She said yet! RORY: I know! LORELAI: I'm right here. MISS PATTY: He's a good man? LORELAI: Oh yeah, he's a great man. MISS PATTY: Oh I love this! I just love this! Have you told Luke? LORELAI: Well, no, it just happened last night. Oh Patty, stop it. I'll tell him. It's not that big a deal if he just finds out. MISS PATTY: Well, whatever you say. LORELAI: Well, uh, it just so happens we are on our way over there now to have some breakfast, and I'll tell Luke them. MISS PATTY: Be gentle. LORELAI: Patty, me and Luke are just friends. MISS PATTY: Just friends. Yes, yes, I know. LORELAI: It's true. RORY: Okay lets go. [Lorelai and Rory start walking towards Luke's. A group of townspeople follow them.] LORELAI: Well it is. RORY: I know. LORELAI: What is with this place? Why will nobody believe me? RORY: They believe you. LORELAI: No they don't. RORY: I promise they believe you. LORELAI: You are pacifying me. RORY: Just a little. LORELAI: Well, I don't like it RORY: I'll see if I can stop. [They turn around and see all the townspeople behind them.] LORELAI: I can't wait for the movie theater to reopen. [CUT TO INSIDE LUKE'S DINER] [Lorelai and Rory sit down. The townspeople press themselves up against the windows.] LORELAI: Hmm. Let's see, what looks good. I'm so unbelievably hungry I'm gonna have to order breakfast and lunch, crazy huh? RORY: Mom, go tell him. LORELAI: I will. RORY: Now. LORELAI: Why? RORY: Because in five minutes somebody's about to be pushed through that window. LORELAI: This is crazy. Why is everybody making such a big deal about this? RORY: Because everyone knows that Luke has a thing for you. LORELAI: Luke does not have a thing for me. RORY: Tell him. LORELAI: Uh, we can barely get through a single conversation without biting each other's heads off. RORY: Tell him. LORELAI: Everything about me repulses that man. My coffee drinking, my eating habits. Remember when I called him Ranger Bob last week, he hated that! RORY: Will you get me a muffin when you're up there? LORELAI: Okay. God. Fine. [walks over to Luke at the counter] Hey. LUKE: Fresh coffee will be ready in a minute unless you wanna just roll up a dollar bill and go nuts. LORELAI: No thanks, I can wait. LUKE: [sees the people in the window] What the hell's going on with them? LORELAI: Oh, I don't know. LUKE: Crazy people. Whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping pong tables and hand puppets. What? LORELAI: Nothing. I. . . well, I have something to tell you. No I have something to share with you actually. LUKE: To share with me. LORELAI: Yes, 'cause when exciting things happen in your life, you want to share them with the people in your life who you think will find them exciting, which I think you will. LUKE: What is it? LORELAI: Well, it's very. . . LUKE: Exciting, I've heard. I'm all prepared to jump up and down if necessary. LORELAI: Okay, here it is. Um, Max has asked me to marry him. LUKE: Yeah, I figured. LORELAI: You did? LUKE: Well, it was obvious. You know, you too were getting kind of close. He was around a lot. Then last night with that life changing thing comment, you know, I put two and two together and figured it out. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: Congratulations by the way. LORELAI: Thank you. LUKE: You set a date? LORELAI: No, I haven't answered him yet. LUKE: You're gonna say yes. LORELAI: How do you know? LUKE: Well, you're making a big deal about telling me he proposed. LORELAI: Uh, I don't think I'm making a big deal. LUKE: And you wouldn't do that if you weren't gonna say yes. LORELAI: Okay, I'm sharing something with you. Sharing is not making a big deal, sharing is a nice gesture. Like when you're a kid and you have one of those popsicles and you break it in two and offer half to another kid. That is sharing, that is what I'm doing. LUKE: You offered me half a popsicle? LORELAI: Yes. Okay, so now you know. LUKE: Now I know. LORELAI: Uh, I guess I'll just have two blueberry muffins and some coffee. LUKE: Coming right up. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: You know, I think it's good you're doing this. LORELAI: You do? Good, me too. I mean, not that I'm definitely doing it, but if I do, then it'll be good. LUKE: Where you gonna live? LORELAI: What? LUKE: Here? Hartford? LORELAI: Here. I don't know, we haven't talked about it actually. LUKE: Hartford's probably good, closer to Rory's school. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I guess. LUKE: Of course, it is a little far from the inn. LORELAI: Uh, yeah. LUKE: But who knows how long you'll work after you're married. LORELAI: Excuse me? LUKE: Oh, but you probably already talked about that, right? LORELAI: Uh, no, but I do think he and my father have come to an agreement on how many goats I'm worth. LUKE: Hey, I'm just talking here. It's great, really. You gonna have more kids? LORELAI: Hi, personal. LUKE: I mean, he wants kids right? LORELAI: In the world? Yes, he wants kids. LUKE: You haven't talked about that either. LORELAI: Okay, you know, what we have and have not discussed is none of your business. LUKE: Joint checking accounts? LORELAI: Luke! LUKE: You do know his last name don't you? LORELAI: I want my popsicle back. LUKE: Fine, it's your business. ORELAI: Yes it is. It's my business. LUKE: Hey, some people go their entire lives without having these kinds of conversations. My parents didn't discuss a damn thing my entire childhood. Worked fine for them. Of course, when my mom died she had to tell my dad where the coupon drawer was. Took him ten years to find it. Used a coffee can the whole time. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: I don't care what anybody says, a coupon can is not as good as a coupon drawer. LORELAI: How are those muffins coming? LUKE: But you know what, you might like a coupon can. You never know. Here you go. Two blueberry muffins. LORELAI: Thank you. LUKE: And congratulations again. [Lorelai walks back to the table.] LORELAI: Now what's going on? RORY: Kirk passed out. LORELAI: Here's your muffin. RORY: Thanks. How'd he take it? LORELAI: Fine, he took it fine. [CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE] [Rory and Lorelai pull up out front] RORY: Are you okay? LORELAI: Fine, I'm just tied to the emergency break. RORY: How did you do that? LORELAI: With a flourish and a big ending. Okay, I got it. Let's go. Oh, my coat. RORY: It's pretty warm out for a coat. LORELAI: Yeah, well, it tends to cool off the minute I get in that house. RORY: You good? LORELAI: I'm good. My keys. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: They're in the ignition. Okay, I got 'em. Let's go. RORY: What is wrong with you? LORELAI: Nothing. RORY: You got lost coming here. LORELAI: I took a wrong turn. RORY: Six times. LORELAI: Well, my self preservational instincts at work ladies and gentlemen. RORY: And then the coat and the keys and the . . . LORELAI: I got stuff on my mind. RORY: Max stuff? LORELAI: No, stuff stuff. RORY: You're lying. LORELAI: I'm being mysterious. That's what women do. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Oh look, doorbell. Pretty sound. RORY: You know, you always make me tell you what I'm thinking. LORELAI: Yes, and the lesson we have learned from that is you should never become a spy. [Emily opens the door] EMILY: You're here. Richard, they're here. RICHARD: [from another room] Wonderful! EMILY: Come in, come in, come in. LORELAI: Uh, no. EMILY: Why? LORELAI: Because you're scaring Rory. EMILY: Oh stop that. Get in here. Scaring Rory, you're so silly sometimes. Let's get you a drink. Put your coat down. Oh, and are you hungry? I had Antonia make some Roqueford puffs. Antonia, bring the puffs! Come, sit down, sit down. Richard! RICHARD: Say nothing until I get there. EMILY: Well, hurry up! LORELAI: Mom, what's going on? Ooh, the nails, the nails, the nails. EMILY: So, tell me what's new with you girls. LORELAI: Uh, nothing. RORY: Hey Grandma, what about you? Did something special happen? EMILY: Well, as a matter of fact. Oh for goodness sake. Richard, dammit! LORELAI: Mom, why don't you just tell us what's happening now? EMILY: Oh, all right. I can't wait for your grandfather any longer. Well, you know I'm very good friends with Bitty Charleston, the headmaster's wife. LORELAI: Mm Hmm. EMILY: Well, we had this little arrangement where she keeps me aprised of all the goings on at Chilton. You know, she tells me all the gossip on the students and their parents, and any piece of information I might find useful. Well, this afternoon she called to tell me the class list just came out, and Rory has finished in the top three percent! LORELAI: I know. EMILY: You do? Well, who do you know at Chilton? LORELAI: Um, Rory. EMILY: Oh. RORY: It wasn't definite, but I had a pretty good idea. [Richard walks in] RICHARD: Rory, wonderful news. You finished in the top three percent of your class. LORELAI: Oh yeah, Dad, J. Edgar Hoover over here was just telling us. RICHARD: What? I told you not to say anything before I got here. EMILY: Well, you took too long. LORELAI: No, no, we already knew. RICHARD: It's a simple request. EMILY: Just hang up the phone. LORELAI: Okay, good news either way. Let's all agree on that. RICHARD: I am immensely proud of you Rory. EMILY: Yes, we knew you could do it. RICHARD: Oh, we certainly did. EMILY: We have to celebrate. Next week we will have a special dinner. RORY: Grandma, all of your dinners are special. EMILY: Well, this one will be extra special. We'll make all your favorite foods, and you can invite some of your friends. RICHARD: There's an excellent chance that presents might be involved. RORY: You guys do not have to do this. RICHARD: For the top three percent? EMILY: We most certainly do. RICHARD: You start late, have to catch up, and by the end of the year, you've overtaken everyone. A true Gilmore. EMILY: Through and through. ANTONIA: Dinner is ready. EMILY: Thank you Antonia. Shall we? RICHARD: Ah ah ah ah, after the top 3 percent in her class. RORY: Well, thank you very much. LORELAI: Uh, just go ahead and Start without me. I gotta check in at the inn. Michel's there by himself, people could die. EMILY: Well, hurry up. [Lorelai dials her cell phone and walks out onto the back patio.] MAX: Hello? LORELAI: Where are we gonna live? MAX: Lorelai? LORELAI: Where are we gonna live? MAX: Well, I. . . LORELAI: Your house, my house? MAX: I don't know. LORELAI: I mean, we should figure this stuff out. I have a life and a kid, and both of them require a house of some sort. MAX: Okay, but. . . LORELAI: And I have stuff. I have a lot of stuff. You haven't seen my closet yet, but you would not believe the amount of stuff one person can accumulate. I don't even know what this stuff is, but it's there and it's mine and it needs a place to live. MAX: Well. . . LORELAI: And I want to work. MAX: What? LORELAI: And I like my bank. MAX: Okay hold on. LORELAI: It's small and the teller's name is Margie and she can't count. And I think there's something so poetic about banking at a place where the teller can't count. MAX: Lorelai. LORELAI: What? MAX: Calm down. Talk to me. LORELAI: It's just. . . . If I die, I want you to know where the coupon drawer is. MAX: Well, I would like that too. I think. LORELAI: Well, we need to figure these things out before. . . MAX: Before what? Are you saying yes? LORELAI: What? MAX: Are you saying yes? LORELAI: Why are you asking me that? MAX: Because you call me, out of the blue, completely panicked about where we're gonna live and bank and coupon drawers and Margie. LORELAI: Well, these are important things to discuss. MAX: I agree. They're extremely important things to discuss, especially if you're saying yes. Are you? [CUT TO DINING ROOM] EMILY: I am extremely thrilled about this. Do you think you'll get a certificate? RORY: I'm not sure. EMILY: Well, they certainly should give you a certificate or a plaque or something. I'll talk to Bitty about that tomorrow. RICHARD: I can't wait to tell Tellman McCabe about this. EMILY: Oh Richard. RICHARD: Oh, he's always bragging about that simpleton grandson of his. EMILY: William is a lovely boy. RICHARD: His head is shaped like a football. EMILY: It is not. RICHARD: If he fell asleep in the park, someone would try to punt him. EMILY: Tellman is a very dear friend of yours. RICHARD: Yes he is. And one should always share wonderful news with one's very good friends. EMILY: You just want to brag. [Lorelai walks to dining room doorway. Rory looks at her.] RICHARD: Well, I think I have a right, don't you? EMILY: Well goodness, you'd think you were the one who finished in the top three percent of your class. [Lorelai smiles and nods to Rory] RICHARD: Well it was my genes, I get to claim a little responsibility. [Rory screams, jumps up, and runs over to hug Lorelai] RICHARD: Oh! EMILY: Goodness. RICHARD: I just spilled on my shirt. What are you doing? What are they doing Emily? EMILY: I have no idea. Stop that you too! LORELAI: Sorry. RORY: Yeah sorry. EMILY: What is going on? LORELAI: Uh, I'm just really jazzed about this whole three percent thing. RORY: Yeah, really really jazzed. LORELAI: Yeah. [more screaming and hugging] EMILY: Don't even try to understand Richard. Antonia, please bring some club soda for Mr. Gilmore's shirt. [CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN'S KITCHEN] SOOKIE: Carlito, we're running out of clarified butter. Ooh, chop that finer. No hard boiling. Yo profiero tener los huevos suave. Ooh, that looks good. Add a little pinch of oregano, I think we've got it. DELIVERY MAN: Okay, I got your lobsters. SOOKIE: Yeah? Are they good? Ooh, they look good. Yes they do. Ow! It's got my hand. It's got my hand. Thanks. Okay, I'll be fine, I'll be fine. I'm a good cotter, don't worry. You are fresh, aren't you? Okay, in the back, in the back, in the back. Michel, I'm gonna need you to move. MICHEL: In a minute. SOOKIE: What are you doing? MICHEL: I am weighing my turkey. SOOKIE: Why? MICHEL: A group of scientists did a study on rats where they cut their daily calories by thirty percent. SOOKIE: And you felt left out? MICHEL: No, the rats lived thirty percent longer. And the scientists were so impressed that they cut their own calories just like the rats. SOOKIE: That was a very nice display of solidarity. MICHEL: I have decided to do the same. I figure if I stay alive long enough, these scientists, they will be able to cure anything including death, therefore ensuring my indefinite existence. SOOKIE: So you're gonna live forever, like on Fame? MICHEL: Don't speak to me. SOOKIE: Give me back my scale. [Lorelai walks into the kitchen.] LORELAI: Hey. I have an announcement to make, and it's big and it's fabulous and you are not gonna believe it. MICHEL: Goodbye. LORELAI: Wait, I got news. MICHEL: Oh, well I'm sure it's very exciting. Excuse me. LORELAI: But. . . What's with the turkey? SOOKIE: Oh, Michel thinks he's gonna live forever. LORELAI: Like on Fame? SOOKIE: That's what I said! MICHEL: Hmm, a hundred years from now I will sit around telling my fellow man of science about the two of you and we will giggle like little girls at your ignorance. Now I have work to do. [Michel leaves] LORELAI: He did say "giggle like little girls" right? SOOKIE: Forget him. Tell me about your fabulous news. LORELAI: I'm engaged. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: I'm getting married. SOOKIE: No! LORELAI: Yes! SOOKIE: No! LORELAI: Yes! SOOKIES: No! LORELAI: Yes! SOOKIE: No! LORELAI: No? SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: God, this is amazing! Oh my God, I'm shaking! Max is a wonderful man. It is Max, right? LORELAI: Yes, it is Max. SOOKIE: Okay, good good good. Oh, I knew it. I knew you'd get engaged. LORELAI: Really? God, I didn't. SOOKIE: You're gonna be a sadie. LORELAI: A what? SOOKIE: A sadie. [sings] "Sadie, sadie, married lady. Meet a mortgagee." LORELAI: Funny Girl! SOOKIE: Streisand! LORELAI: Love it! SOOKIE: Who's catering? LORELAI: Um, Bobby Flay? SOOKIE: Not funny. I'm making the cake also. LORELAI: Absolutely. SOOKIE: Okay, let's start a menu. Something light and romantic to start with. Something that will go wonderful with champagne. Truffles go wonderful with champagne. And scrambled eggs. [starts to cry] LORELAI: Sookie? Honey? SOOKIE: I know scrambled eggs don't sound very festive, but when you put them in a little quail's egg shell and you put cavier on top, they are quite a crowd pleaser. LORELAI: Hey, what's with the waterworks lady? SOOKIE: It's just. . .I don't know. You raised that little girl all alone, and she is so great, and you work your butt off here and you go to school and you put up with me. LORELAI: Aww, honey. SOOKIE: You just really deserve this. LORELAI: Thank you. [Jackson walks into kitchen carrying a crate of brussel sprouts.] JACKSON: Prepare yourself for the most gorgeous brussel sprouts ever. Sookie, are you okay? Are you hurt? Have you been making cutlets again? SOOKIE: Lorelai's getting married! Married! Uh, I love saying that! Married, married, married! JACKSON: Oh, that's great. Congratulations. LORELAI: Thanks Jackson. JACKSON: Uh, hey, do you wanna look at the brussel sprouts? SOOKIE: Yes, I do. [giggles] No. Ooh, what about some nice brussel sprouts with like a garlic olive oil for the wedding? That sounds like a 'til death do us part' kind of side dish, doesn't it? JACKSON: Yeah, I wouldn't know. SOOKIE: Well, what do you think is the most romantic vegetable? JACKSON: You know, I'm the wrong guy to ask. SOOKIE: You're the vegetable guy. JACKSON: Yeah, but the normal vegetable guy, not the romantic vegetable guy. I mean, I would have no idea what an appropriate vegetable would be to serve at a wedding. I've never even been to a wedding. One, my cousin BonBon. Yes, that's his real name. And I didn't stay long, and I didn't notice the vegetables, so I would not be the guy to ask about wedding vegetables. I'm not the wedding vegetable guy! [leaves] LORELAI: Uh oh. Jackson's got panicked "my girlfriend wants me to get married" face on. SOOKIE: Yup. Hey, next time he's here, tell him that you're pregnant. LORELAI: With twins. SOOKIE: Why not? [CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE] [Rory's in the living room on the phone with Lane, who's sitting in her closet.] RORY: Okay, so what's the latest? LANE: I just got off the phone with the American consulate. RORY: And? LANE: Can you say Hyung-hyung? RORY: No, and what is that? LANE: My Korean name. RORY: There must be something you can do. LANE: I'm a minor. I've been put in the custody of family by my parents. That's it, it's over. RORY: You have to at least try to talk to your family. LANE: I don't know. MRS. KIM: [calls from downstairs] Dinner! LANE: I have to go. Last meal. RORY: Call me later. MRS. KIM: [calls] Lanie! LANE: Coming Mama! [CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE] [Rory walks into the kitchen] LORELAI: Do you want tater tots also? RORY: That's a rhetorical question right? LORELAI: Okay. RORY: So, what kind of dress are you thinking of? LORELAI: Um, the one Stephanie Seymour wore in the Guns N' Roses video. RORY: What about colors? Did you pick your colors yet? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: Really? What? LORELAI: Spumoni. RORY: Okay, I am planning this wedding without you. You will have no say and I may not even let you come. LORELAI: Uh! [phone rings] RORY: Hello? MAX: Rory, good, it's Max. RORY: Oh, hey Max. MAX: Oh look, I've been out ring shopping all day. RORY: Ring shopping. Very interesting. MAX: Now I've narrowed it down to three different rings, but I want to get her something she's really gonna like, not just something that she tells me she likes but really hates, and you know her taste in jewelry better than I do, so I thought maybe you could give me some advice. RORY: Okay, well, anything with the word "Foxy" on it is a big crowd pleaser. MAX: Oh, maybe for our first anniversary. RORY: Okay, I'm listening. MAX: Okay. The first ring has a gold band and sort of a square diamond. It's simple, but very classic. RORY: Gold band, square diamond, simple, classic. [Lorelai shakes her head] I'm not sure that's really her. MAX: Okay, the next one is sort of an engagement band with small diamonds all around it, white gold, and there's a wedding band that sort of fits into it like a set. RORY: White gold engagement band, small diamonds around it, with wedding band that fits into it. [Lorelai gestures that she might like it] That's a possibility. What's the third one? MAX: The third one is from the twenties. RORY: From the twenties, hmm. MAX: Large diamond in the middle. RORY: Large diamond in the middle. MAX: Diamond clusters on the sides. RORY: Diamond clusters on the sides. MAX: A little deco. RORY: A little deco. [Lorelai pants and barks like a dog] That sounds great. Uh, good going. She's gonna be ecstatic. MAX: She's right there with you isn't she? RORY: What? No. MAX: No, I thought I heard her bark. RORY: No, that's just a wild jackal that hangs out here sometimes. MAX: Mm hmm. Put Cujo on the phone please. RORY: One sec. [hands phone to Lorelai] Here boy. [knock at front door] LORELAI: Oh, hello Max, what a pleasant surprise. I just walked in. [Rory answers door] RORY: Hi. DEAN: Am I late? RORY: Nope, right on time. DEAN: Good. RORY: Are you coming in? DEAN: In a sec. Ah, where's your mom? RORY: In the kitchen on the phone. DEAN: Beginning, middle, or end of a conversation? RORY: Well, it concerns jewelry so there may not be an end to the conversation. DEAN: Good. Hi. RORY: Hi. [they kiss] DEAN: I missed that. RORY: Me too. DEAN: So, uh, ya know, this whole breaking up thing, we tried it. . . RORY: Yeah we did. Didn't really work for me. DEAN: Me either. RORY: Okay good, so it's decided. Breaking up, not for us. DEAN: I mean, hey, not that it's a bad thing. I'm sure some people like it. [they walk into kitchen] RORY: Oh sure, Cher, Greg Allman, bet they'd give it a big thumbs up. [To Lorelai] Did you pick out your ring? LORELAI: Yup, he's gonna surprise me with it tomorrow. RORY: Twenties deco? LORELAI: Supposedly ripped right off of Zelda Fitzgerald's cold dead hand. Hey Dean. DEAN: Hey. RORY: When is dinner ready? LORELAI: Do I look like a timer? RORY: I thought you might have set one. LORELAI: Silly rabbit. RORY: Timers are for kids. LORELAI: I say 10 minutes, we're there. RORY: I'll get us set up. DEAN: So what's the movie for tonight? LORELAI: Oh my god, a classic. RORY: The Joan and Melissa Rivers Story, starring. . . LORELAI: Joan and Melissa Rivers. A mother and daughter torn apart by tragedy. RORY: Suicide. LORELAI: Not getting The Tonight Show. RORY: Mean boyfriends. LORELAI: Identical noses. RORY: You'll laugh, you'll cry. LORELAI: Because you're laughing so hard. RORY: It'll be an evening to remember. LORELAI: And in the pivotal scene where a very distraught Joan gets locked out of High Holiday Services because she's late, I will be forced to rewind it and play it over and over about four thousand times. RORY: You'll never be the same. [Rory leaves the kitchen] LORELAI: So DEAN: So. LORELAI: It's nice to have you back. DEAN: Thanks, it's nice to be back. LORELAI: We missed you. DEAN: I missed you guys too. LORELAI: No, I mean we really really missed you. DEAN: You need the water bottle changed, don't you? LORELAI: Desperately. DEAN: Rag. LORELAI: [hands him a towel] Thank you. [Dean walks out the back door. Rory walks back into the kitchen.] RORY: Where's Dean? LORELAI: Getting water. RORY: You're shameless. LORELAI: He offered. RORY: Please. LORELAI: The first thing he said to me was 'Hey Lorelai, can I change your water?' What can I do? The kid's a freak. [Cut to back porch. Rory walks out the back door.] DEAN: Hey. RORY: Hey, I'm so sorry she's got you doing chores already. DEAN: Aw, I don't mind. RORY: You will. She pulled out the mower this morning. DEAN: Well if that movie is anything like you described, mowing might be a good alternative. RORY: Hey, I wanted to ask you something. DEAN: Yeah? RORY: My grandparents are having this special dinner for me next week. It's nothing big, but they said I could invite someone, and I thought, you've never seen my grandparents' house and I'd really like you to meet my Grandpa. What? DEAN: Well, ah, it's just the last time I met your Grandma was the night of the dance and you know how that turned out, so... RORY: The dance was a long time ago. She's over it by now. I'm sure everything would be fine. DEAN: You want me to go? RORY: Yeah, I want you to go. DEAN: Then I'll go. RORY: Good. LORELAI: [from inside house] Oh my, that coffee can is just so high up there, whatever will I do! DEAN: Coming! [CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE] EMILY: Antonia, take this and put it in the dining room please. Oh, I like that tie! RICHARD: It's rather snappy, isn't it? Oh, oh, oh. EMILY: Richard, don't you dare get on that phone. They'll be here any second. RICHARD: I'm not getting on the phone. I'm going to give Rory that first edition of Mencken's Chrestomathy. [doorbell rings. Emily answers door] EMILY: Well, hello there! Well, hello there. RORY: Grandma, you remember Dean right? EMILY: Yes I do, nice to see you again. DEAN: Thanks. Uh, your house is great. It's huge. I've never seen a house this huge before. EMILY: Well thank you. So few people bother to notice the hugeness of the house anymore. LORELAI: Mom, it was so nice of you to tell Rory to invite a friend tonight, seeing as this is her night. That was really nice of you. EMILY: It was my pleasure. LORELAI: Good. EMILY: Well, don't just stand there. We have a celebration to attend. Come in, come in. [They walk into the living room. Emily walks over to make drinks while the others sit down.] EMILY: So, what would everyone like to drink? LORELAI: Uh, well, I'll have a white wine and Dean'll have a beer. DEAN: What?! LORELAI: Corona right? DEAN: No, I don't want a beer! I don't drink beer. I'll have water or soda or anything. Or nothing. Not beer. Never beer. Beer is. . beer's bad. EMILY: Relax Dean, that's just Lorelai's little sense of humor. You're very cruel. LORELAI: Well, yes, keeps me young. DEAN: I'm just gonna sit here and stare at my hands. EMILY: Soda Dean? DEAN: Please. EMILY: Rory? RORY: Oh, I'll have a beer. [Emily and Lorelai laugh] I'm sorry Dean, we're not laughing at you. LORELAI: Oh wait, I think I was. EMILY: I think I was a little too. [Richard enters] Oh Richard, there you are. Come join us. LORELAI: Hey Dad. RORY: Grandpa, hi. This is Dean. Dean, this is my Grandpa. DEAN: Hi. Sorry, uh, hi. [walks over to him] RICHARD: Hello. DEAN: [offers to shake his hand] It's uh. . it's nice to meet. . . RICHARD: Does everyone have drinks? LORELAI: Uh yeah, we all have drinks. Thanks. DEAN: [sits down, whispers to Lorelai] Should we do the beer thing again? LORELAI: Uh, I don't think so. [SCENE_BREAK] [CUT TO DINING ROOM] RORY: Grandma, I can't believe you found the recipe for Beefaroni. EMILY: It wasn't easy. Antonia thought I'd gone insane. LORELAI: Well . . . EMILY: No one needs a comment from you. LORELAI: No, I was just gonna say, what's the secret? EMILY: Well, let's just say it's not beef. LORELAI: Oh, okay, I'm done. RORY: Me too. EMILY: Dean, would you like some more? DEAN: Uh, no. I'm fine, thanks. EMILY: Well, then I guess it must be present time. RORY: You didn't have to. LORELAI: Oh yeah, Mom, you didn't have to. Unless you got something that'll fit me too, in which case, good going. EMILY: [hands her a gift] Here you go, Rory. Congratulations, we're so proud. RORY: Thanks Grandma. Thanks Grandpa. EMILY: Now go on, open it. RORY: Okay. [opens gift] LORELAI: Oh, pens. All yours. RORY: It's beautiful. LORELAI: I think the top student deserved the top tools. RORY: Thank you so much. Really. LORELAI: Uh, uh, well, pens are very nice, but I just bet there is a fabulous fancy dessert just sitting out there in that kitchen of yours. EMILY: As a matter of fact there is. Twinkies. LORELAI: What? EMILY: Well, Rory told me that was her favorite dessert. LORELAI: Emily Gilmore, you are one classy broad. EMILY: Antonia, please bring out the Twinkies. LORELAI: I can't believe I just heard you say those words. EMILY: Well, don't get used to it. RICHARD: So, Dean, where are you planning to go to college? DEAN: Oh, uh, well I. . . LORELAI: Geez Dad, start off with 'what's your favorite baseball team' or something. RICHARD: I'm talking to Dean. DEAN: I don't know yet. RICHARD: You don't? DEAN: No, not yet. RICHARD: Well, what kind of grades do you get? EMILY: Richard please, don't grill the boy. RICHARD: I'm not grilling the boy Emily. It's an easy question. A's, B's, C's? DEAN: I get a mixture actually. RICHARD: Mixture? [laughs] What's the ratio? EMILY: Richard. RICHARD: I'm just trying to get to know the boy Emily. After all, Rory brings home a young man to dinner, the least we can do is learn something about him. LORELAI: He changes a mean water bottle. DEAN: I get a couple A's, couple B's, few C's. RICHARD: Really? DEAN: I'm not great in math. LORELAI: Yeah, except who is really? You know, except mathematicians or the blackjack dealers, or I guess Stephen Hawking doesn't suck, but you know You know what else is good though Mom, is a Ho-Ho. Because if you can't find a Twinkie, you know, treat yourself to a nice Ho-Ho. How long does it take to open a box? EMILY: She's making them. LORELAI: She's making the Twinkies? You're kidding. EMILY: Oh Richard, wasn't there a book you wanted to give Rory? RICHARD: In a minute. So Dean. . . RORY: Uh, Grandpa? RICHARD: You do know that Rory is going to an Ivy League school? DEAN: I know. RICHARD: Harvard, Princeton, Yale. LORELAI: He said he knew Dad. RICHARD: You need top grades to get into a top school. DEAN: Yeah, well, Rory's really smart. RICHARD: Yeah, she is really smart. RORY: Mom? LORELAI: Yeah, why don't we all go sit in the uh. . . RICHARD: So, how are you planning to make a living once you graduate from this college you haven't thought anything about yet? RORY: Grandpa, can we talk about something else? EMILY: I'm going to get that book. [leaves] RICHARD: I asked you a question. DEAN: I don't know what I want to do. RICHARD: You know, when I was ten years old, I knew exactly where I wanted to work. LORELAI: That's because you were always picked last for dodgeball. RICHARD: I knew I wanted to go to Yale, and put on a nice suit everyday and be a very important man in a very powerful firm. And I knew I wanted to travel and see the world. DEAN: Well, that's great. RICHARD: I wanted to see La Traviata at the La Scala Operahouse. I wanted to walk the ruins of Pompeii. I wanted to travel the far east . . . LORELAI: And be a ballerina or a fireman. RICHARD: Lorelai, this isn't funny. LORELAI: It's a little funny to think of a ten-year-old kid dreaming of the La Scala Operahouse. RICHARD: Rory does. Rory wants to travel. Rory has plans. LORELAI: Rory's special. RICHARD: Yes. Exactly. Rory is special DEAN: Well, I know that Rory is special. EMILY: [returns with book] I got it. RORY: Dean is special too, Grandpa. DEAN: Rory. RORY: You don't even know him. RICHARD: I know enough. RORY: No you don't. Dean is incredible and he's special to me and I bring him here and you attack him. RICHARD: I will not be spoken to like that in my house. EMILY: Richard here, give her the book. RICHARD: This family has standards. You live up to them, and you should expect that everyone that you spend time with live up to them also. You are a gifted girl with immense promise, and you should learn very early that certain people can hold you back. RORY: Grandpa, stop it! You cannot treat Dean this way. RICHARD: I'm sorry, excuse me, I have to work. [leaves the table] RORY: Grandpa! Thank you for the dinner and the gift Grandma, but I really think we should be going. [leaves] DEAN: Thanks. Sorry. [leaves] LORELAI: Am I crazy? That's supposed to be us right? [CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT YARD] LORELAI: Well, want to come in and have some dessert? You never did get your Twinkie. DEAN: Uh, no thanks. I think I should get going. RORY: Are you sure? DEAN: Yeah. LORELAI: Okay, well, Dean, all I can say is that tonight, you officially became a Gilmore Girl. Feels good, huh? DEAN: Yeah. LORELAI: See you later. [to Rory] Meet you inside. RORY: I don't even know what to say. DEAN: It's no big deal. RORY: I had no idea I thought he would I am so sorry Dean. DEAN: It's not your fault. RORY: None of those things he said were true. None of them mean anything. I don't know what made him act that way. I just. . . DEAN: You know what, let's just forget it. All right? RORY: Please, don't be upset. DEAN: I'm not. RORY: Dean. DEAN: I'm fine. I'm not upset. I have to go. Call you tomorrow. RORY: Okay. [CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN] RORY: That man is impossible. LORELAI: Twinkie? RORY: He just attacked Dean out of nowhere. And Dean is sitting there, being perfectly nice, and then all of a sudden. . . Ugh, God, I'm so mad. He's a snob. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: And he doesn't listen. He just wants to say horrible things and have you sit there and listen to him and then just agree with him. What is that all about? LORELAI: Ah, that is about a hundred years worth of inbreeding. RORY: I've never seen him be mean before. Ever, not like that. I don't know how I'll ever talk to him again. And Dean. He must be so upset right now. I hate that he did this to him, I hate it. LORELAI: Yes, it was bad. My father was in fine form tonight. But. . . RORY: But? There's a but, from you there's a but? LORELAI: Twinkie. I don't think my father has ever loved anything in this world as much as he loves you. Now, that having been established, let's just consider that maybe this flipout tonight actually came from somewhere that possibly has nothing to do with Dean and very possibly has nothing to do with you. RORY: What are you talking about? LORELAI: You are the great white hope of the Gilmore clan. You are their angel sent from up above. You are the daughter they didn't have. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: No, it's not a 'feel sorry for me' thing. It's just the truth. I mean, you're gonna go to college. Hell, you're gonna graduate from high school. They're gonna get to watch you walk down the aisle wearing your cap and gown and get your diploma and go to Harvard and be a Phi Beta Bimbo and graduate with honors and just set the world on fire. And that is the plan, looks like it's gonna happen. RORY: It is going to happen. Except for that Phi Beta Bimbo part. LORELAI: But then tonight you walk in with this beautiful boy who likes you enough to brave going to your grandparents house for dinner, and Dad looks at you and sees you with him and all of a sudden, has a terrible Lorelai flashback. He sees it all going away, the college, the cap and gown and. . . RORY: But I'm not going to get pregnant. LORELAI: I know that. RORY: He should know it. LORELAI: Yes, he should, but you do have my eyes. RORY: You do realize you just spent the last ten minutes defending your dad. LORELAI: I know. I'm gonna have terrible nightmares all night long. But I'll tell you what. If you cut him a little slack, I'll wear my p0rn star t-shirt to dinner next week. RORY: Deal. LORELAI: Good. [Phone rings. Rory answers it.] RORY: Hello? LANE: I just thought you should know that my parents just brought in the suitcase that I'm supposed to take on my trip and to paint you a picture, it can fit you and me plus everything we own and still have enough room to do a little souvenir shopping. I am never coming back. [CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE] RICHARD: What is Lorelai thinking letting Rory run around with a boy like that. Well, of course, she isn't thinking! She never thinks. EMILY: Richard, please, you're giving me a headache. RICHARD: And what were you thinking inviting him over here? EMILY: We told her she could invite someone. You were right there. RICHARD: I did not mean him. EMILY: Please calm down. RICHARD: I will not calm down. Did you hear the way she talked to me? EMILY: Yes, I heard the way she talked to you. RICHARD: She sounded like her mother. EMILY: You were attacking her boyfriend. RICHARD: A girl that age shouldn't have a boyfriend. EMILY: You truly think a sixteen year old girl isn't gonna date? RICHARD: Well, of course she's going to date, and she should date. The proper socialization is important to a child. But she should not date one boy and she should not date him. [phone rings] Don't answer that. EMILY: I'm going to answer it. RICHARD: Emily, we are in the middle of a discussion. EMILY: I'm sure you will remember exactly where you were five minutes from now. Hello? SOOKIE: Hi, Mrs. Gilmore? It's Sookie St. James, Lorelai's friend. I don't know if you remember me. EMILY: Oh yes, you're the chef at the Inn. SOOKIE: That's right. Listen, I'm sorry to call so late, but I need to ask you a question. I'm planning a surprise wedding shower for Lorelai and Max, and it's gonna be more like a big party actually. But I've cleared the date with everybody around here, so we're all set to go, but I wanted to make sure you guys were gonna be around before I finalized everything. It's going to be Saturday the 21st. EMILY: I don't know, I'd have to check. SOOKIE: Okay, Okay. You check, and then you call me at the inn, okay? EMILY: Yes, I'll get back to you. SOOKIE: Okay. [CUT TO RICHARD'S OFFICE] EMILY: I want you to call Rory tomorrow and apologize. RICHARD: What? EMILY: I want you to call her and tell her you're sorry. That you weren't feeling well and you think that Dean is a lovely boy and he's welcome here anytime. RICHARD: Have you gone insane? Under no circumstance will I ... EMILY: Our daughter is getting married. She's getting married and she didn't tell us. When Rory decides to get married, I'd like her to tell us. Call her tomorrow. [Emily leaves, starts to cry] [CUT TO LORELAI'S PORCH.] LORELAI: It was awful. MAX: Sounds awful. LORELAI: That's the family you want to marry into. MAX: I must be insane. LORELAI: Must be. MAX: Hmm, and speaking of marrying into. LORELAI: Yes? MAX: I have a little something for you. LORELAI: Let me guess. Is it gum, 'cause you know how much I like gum. How concerned I am about dental hygiene. [Max shows her the ring] Uh, oh my. MAX: You like? LORELAI: It's beautiful. [Max puts the ring on her finger] MAX: Oh, it's too big. LORELAI: No, it's not. MAX: Here, give it to me. LORELAI: Oh, what? No, you can't have it back. MAX: Well, I'll get it sized. LORELAI: No, it's okay. MAX: Well, it's gonna fall off. LORELAI: I'll wear it on my thumb. MAX: You're not gonna wear it on your thumb. LORELAI: I'll eat a lot of salt and bloat up. MAX: Just let me get it sized and I promise you'll never have to take it off again. In fact, I'm going to insist on it. LORELAI: No, just in a minute, okay? MAX: Okay. LORELAI: I'm getting married.

Lane freaks out when her parents buy her a one-way ticket to Korea for the summer. Luke gives Lorelai a lot to think about when she tells him about Max's proposal. Lorelai finally says "yes" to Max and tells everyone except her parents. When Rory brings Dean to a special dinner at her grandparents' house to celebrate making it into the top 3% at Chilton, Richard criticizes Dean for not meeting the Gilmore standards of excellence.Rory springs to Dean's defense and that creates a rift between Richard and his granddaughter. Emily is heartbroken when she finds out about the wedding from Sookie instead of Lorelai and tells Richard to apologise to Rory.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_03x01

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_03x01_0

(Cut to a bus cruising down the street with destination of CAPE COD written on the front. 'Old Time Rock & Roll' is blaring in the background. Cut to the interior of the bus where Dawson is sleeping with his headphones on, head resting on his shirt. He wakes up and notices the girl sitting next to him. It's EVE. She says something to him but he can't hear because of the headphones. He takes them off.) Dawson: Sorry. Eve: You're drooling. On your chin. Saliva from sleep. (Dawson moves to wipe it off.) Eve: Did you know that you're a very heavy breather? Dawson: No. Eve: Oh, and an insinuating, conversationalist, just my luck. What's on your lap? (Dawson looks at her.) Eve: Not that! The movie, what are you watching? Dawson: Oh, uh, Risky Business. Eve: The one with Tom Cruise? Dawson: Yep, and Rebecca DeMourney(sp?). Eve: The one where they do it on the train. And it's unbelievably sweet and believable even though he's a virgin and she's a battle-scarred hooker who's done it with hundreds of men. Dawson: It's more of a myth. Joseph Campbell meets Sigmeund Freud meets Holden Caulfield. A teenage boy passes into manhood with a sexual encounter with a beautiful woman who's essentially a fantasy character of his own creation. Eve: Hey, you're adorable. What's your name? Dawson: Dawson. Dawson Leery. (They shake hands. Dawson has to pull away first.) Dawson: You alright? Eve: My father taught me. Always when shaking hands make sure the other guy pulls away first. It's a powerful advantage in all human intercourse. Dawson: Actually...I meant your skin...do you have a fever or something? Eve: No, it's just me. It's my temperature. I run a few degrees hot. So...when are you going to tell me about your girlfriend? (Dawson looks at her. Cut to opening credits.) (Cut to Joey holding a gas nozzle in a boat at LOGAN'S MARINA. She checks her watch. A figure approaches. It's ROB LOGAN.) ROB: I'll take it from here, Potter. Joey: You said you'd be here by eight o'clock. Rob: Isn't that sweet? Little girl is nervous about missing the first day of school. Oh the Salad Days! I remember them well. Joey: Spare me the Shakespeare, Rob. My last class ends at 2:30. I should be back here by 3:00. Rob: Don't be late. (Cut to two Eggos popping out of the toaster. Jack grabs them and puts them on a plate. Jen grabs that plate and another plate with two Eggos and takes them to the kitchen table and then grabs two glasses while Jack simultaneously pours milk into each one. Then, they both sit down to breakfast and they notice Grams watching them.) Jack & Jen (simultaneously): What? Grams: And how long have you two been married? (Jack turns and smiles at Jen. They laugh. Cut to Pacey and Dawson in the Leery kitchen.) Pacey: And what happened when you woke up? Dawson: She morphed into pure oxygen air and just vanished. Pacey: I hate it when that happens! Dawson: It was the weirdest night. She was like the perfect girl and one minute she's sitting right next to me and the next, (he snaps), she's gone. Pacey: You know, usually when I have moments like that happen, I have to change the sheets afterwards. Dawson: Hey, she wasn't real. Pacey: What about the one that is real? (Dawson pauses.) Dawson: What about her? Pacey: Well, today is the day. Dawson Leery and Joey Potter have been apart for months now, in fact, the whole summer has passed and the whole world is waiting to figure out what's going to happen. Dawson: Maybe you and the whole world haven't heard me the last 50,000 times that I've said that it's over. Pacey: Yeah, until she speaks to you. Dawson: She won't. Pacey: I think you underestimate the healing powers of time, Dawson. Time for Joey to forgive and forget. Dawson: Even if Joey came up to me today and said I forgive and I forget, I wouldn't. I can't forget that this past year has been a hellish nightmare. I spent it verbalizing and angsting instead of living. I need to just learn how to exist, and question things later. Pacey: Ladies and gentlemen, Capesidians of all ages, new and fresh from Philadelphia, Dawson Leery. Now, just to play devil's advocate here, let's say you go to school today and Joey comes up and starts apologizing. She does that cute little hair flip thing she does and locks those truly remarkable brown eyes of hers on you...what do you do? Dawson: I'll tell her that it's over. That it's been over and that we're better off without each other. (Mitch enters the kitchen.) Mitch: Dawson, I'm off to my coaching conference. Dawson: Alright... Mitch: I'll write down the number of the hotel where I'll be. Pacey: Coaching conference? Dawson: What? You haven't heard yet? Substitute Mitch is Capeside High's new varsity football coach. Pacey: Congratulations, Mr. Leery. How are our trusted Minutemen doing? What's the streak now...0 and 38? (Dawson smiles.) Mitch: Pacey, you have little faith. I can assure you as a former Minuteman myself that this season will be a winning one. Here. Dawson: See ya on Sunday, Dad. Mitch: Bye. Pacey: Wait, you're just going to walk out like that? No father/son warning, no rules and regulations, no impending doom shall your sainted son misbehave. Mitch: Good idea. Keep Pacey out of the house. (Mitch winks and leaves.) (Cut to Junior assembly in Capeside Auditorium. Jen and Jack are sitting together.) Jack: If I start to fall asleep, don't wake me, okay? (The cheerleaders walk up including the head cheerleader, Belinda.) Belinda: Jen Lindley. How was your summer? Host, you know, gang bangs? Jen: I have a really scathing comeback right now but I'm thinking that I should show you a little sympathy, seeing as the lypo didn't take... (Belinda storms off with her herd of cheerleaders behind her. Jack and Jen laugh. Cut to Dawson and Pacey.) Pacey: She should be here any minute. It's the junior assembly. She has to come! Dawson: Pacey, that's enough, alright? (Cut to the new principal speaking.) Principal: Hello, I'm Principal Green. Like you, when I was a junior, I had a new principal and on our first day back he stood before us and told us some earnest and touching words. Words that were to usher us into what he called one of the best years of our lives. This is not that speech. We're living in a different time. You children are thinking like people twice your age. (Joey enters silently through the back door of the auditorium and Pacey turns and glimpses her...) Principal (cont.): ...The rites of passage that once existed before us are now almost extinct. (Principal continues speaking...Cut to Pacey turning to Dawson.) Pacey: She just walked in. She's right back there. Right over your shoulder... Dawson: Pacey... (Cut to Principal's view of the crowd.) Principal: ...For example, like that gentlemen in the 5th row who's talking... (Everyone turns and looks at Pacey. Pacey points at himself.) Pacey: Me? Principal: Please stand, sir. Pacey: (muttering) That didn't take very long. Principal: What's your name, sir? Pacey: I don't suppose you'd accept Shaga Verra, would ya? (The crowd laughs.) Pacey: Pacey, Pacey Witter. Principal: Mr. Witter. Mr. Witter I'd like to applaud you for being the first student I've met at Capeside who actually acts like one. I hope that someday you all will act as one. Reclaim your youth. Live, learn, screw up. I applaud you, Mr. Witter. (The crowd applauses.) Principal: Oh, and I'll see you on Saturday. In detention... (Cut to the signups for cheerleading. Belinda, the head cheerleader, checks out the girl signing up.) Belinda: Sally, who're we kidding? Lay off the hot dogs and try Four-H. That's where they're looking for the prize hogs. (The girl walks off and Belinda turns to the other cheerleaders.) Belinda (cont.): She only came over here in the first place because somebody made one too many Krispy Kreme pit-stops over the summer. (The cheerleader is upset. Cut to Jack and Jen, watching.) Jen: Now I know how anthropologists feel when they stumble across one of those lost tribes whose ancient rituals have remained untouched by time. Jack: What I don't get is why anyone wants to be a cheerleader in the first place? (Jen considers the thought and gets an idea.) Jen: There's only one way to find out. (Jen heads toward the sign up table. She starts to sign up.) Belinda: Jen, what're you doing? Jen: Signing up for try-outs. Belinda: Lemme think about that... NOT! Jen: You sure, Belinda? Haven't you ever wondered if I've got what it takes to hold the pom-poms? (Belinda smiles.) Belinda: Okay, Lindley. You're on. Tomorrow at three. Be prompt. Jen: Will do. (Cut to Pacey and Dawson across the room.) Pacey: Principal Green seems cool. Good sense of humor. He was joking about that whole see you Saturday stuff, right? Dawson: I'm not sure, Pace. He seemed rather... (Dawson spots Joey and cuts his thoughts off mid-sentence.) Pacey: Dawson... Dawson... Was there supposed to be a second part to that sentence? Dawson: You were right. I'm gonna break. I'm gonna crumble-- It's Joey Potter at three o'clock. Pacey: Oooh. Dawson: Get me out of here. Anywhere. Pacey: Anywhere? Dawson: Someplace Joey Potter'll never find me. Pacey: Well, for a mere $25, young sir, I think I have just the place. (They turn to leave and Joey looks up in time to spot them heading the other way. Cut to Joey's house. Bessie is finishing dinner and Joey enters.) Bessie: Hey, Jo. Joey: No, I'm not Joey. I'm just the shell of her exhausted remains. I swear Bessie, if I have to work another hour for that nimrod of a boss -- Bessie: It's just that until the insurance money comes through, then we'll have enough for a sitter and I'll get a job. Joey: No speech required. I remember the bargain, if you can call it that. (Bessie sits down with Joey.) Bessie: So? Tell me everything. Joey: We got a new Principal. Bessie: Not about school. About Dawson. What was it like seeing him again? (Joey looks at Bessie's excited reaction and starts lying...) Joey: It was great. Bessie: So, what'd he say? C'mon, Joey, I spend most of my conversations with a teething baby, your sister could use a little vicarious pleasure. Joey: He just looked at me and I looked at him. In that split second, it was like we forgave each other for everything. And then, of course, we talked about it until we were blue in the face. Just like old times. Bessie: I'm glad, Jo. You two are meant for each other. If I'm sure of anything, that's it. Joey: Yeah... (Joey sighs...Cut to: Pacey and Dawson at a strip club.) Dawson: I think I'm having a religious experience. Pacey: That would be Wendy, who is a second year biology student at Woodtold(?). Dawson: How on earth do you know this? Pacey: It's in her bio. And, according to this, she also likes small children, big men, snowboarding and the color green. (A waitress approaches.) Waitress: What can I get you gentlemen? Pacey: Well, I will have a couple of beers and my friend here will have a tall glass of milk. (Dawson smirks and the waitress walks off.) Pacey: You know, sitting here, something occurs to me, Dawson. Dawson: What? Pacey: The meaning of life. Specifically, yours. Dawson: Not another diatribe of my manhood, or lack thereof. Pacey: No, I'm serious here! I just had a blinding vision about the purpose of your junior year. Dawson: You mean, besides the massive and dibilitated college anxiety? Pacey: Yes, sometime during the course of this whole year you are going to get laid. (Dawson laughs.) Pacey: C'mon, man, in keeping with this whole new attitude thing you've got going. You met that girl on the bus, didn't ya? Dawson: Yeah, and I put her to sleep with all the talk about my ex-girlfriend, Pacey. I think it's pretty safe to assume that I'm not going to be hearing from her anytime soon. (The waitress comes and sets the glass of beer down in front of Pacey.) Pacey: Thank you. (She sets a glass of milk down in front of Dawson. Then, she slides herself between Dawson and Pacey, facing Dawson.) Pacey: You know, this is actually a group here. Waitress (to Dawson): You don't remember me, do you? Dawson: Should I? Waitress: Feel this. (She places her hand on his neck. He looks at her surprised.) Waitress: That's right. (She stands up and takes of the wig revealing Eve, the girl from the bus.) Eve: It's me. (Dawson smiles. Cut to commercial break. Cut to Dawson and Pacey walking up to Dawson's house.) Pacey: (beginning of sentence cut off on my tape) -by little Creekside village, Dawson Leery has once again proven successful in his endeavor to avoid Miss Joey Potter. Although, I am starting to question your committment to la vida loca. Dawson: Why? Because I didn't talk to my ex? Pacey: No, man! Because you didn't hook up with bus girl last night! Dawson: Number One, she was working. And you saw me give her my number, it's up to her to use it. Pacey: And if she does? Dawson: She won't. Pacey: Dawson, I wouldn't be so sure of that. Dawson: What is the likelihood of someone of that degree of life experience and sexual liberation to take regard in someone who is having to take their PSATs. (Dawson opens the door to his house finding...Eve in his living room.) Pacey: Oh, I'd say about the chances of finding her in your living room. Eve: Hey Dawson. Dawson: Hi, um, what did you, um, I-I'm sorry, um, h-how did you, um-- Pacey: This is excited teenage male for "How did you get in?" Eve: I thought I'd surprise you and take you up on your offer for a date. It was hot outside and the door was open so I let myself in. Dawson: It's Capeside. We don't exactly lock up... Eve: Hm, interesting. What else don't you do? Pacey: Oooh, (to Dawson) I need to talk to you for a second. (Pacey pulls him into the kitchen.) Pacey: Normally, at this point in the plot, the best friend exits stage left leaving the brand new Dawson Leery all alone with the mystery woman in his parentless house. Dawson: (laughs) I'm freaking out. This is a little too high in the too good to be true category. Pacey: I understand. But as someone who's been there before, I'm telling you, all you need now is some separation. A little time to calm down, catch your breath, and realize that you are in complete control of this situation. Dawson: I am not in complete control. Pacey: Oh but you will be. (Pacey grabs the keys to Mitch's boat and holds them in front of Dawson.) Pacey: The boat. Dawson: What about it? Pacey: I think you should take it out for a little spin. Dawson: Pacey, that's my dad's boat. Dad being the possesive in that sentence. Pacey: Under the circumstances... (Dawson and Pacey lean around the corner and look at Eve.) Pacey (cont.): I think he'd understand. (Pacey looks at him and takes the keys and drops them into Dawson's hands. Cut to cheerleading tryouts. A girl is up on stage getting ready to start. The music begins and she starts cheering.) Girl: (in the tune of 'I Don't Want to Wait' by Paula Cole) We don't want to wait, for this game to be over, we want to root right now-- (Belinda sounds the horn.) Belinda: Thank you! Next! Girl: Um, I didn't get to finish my cheer. Belinda: Um, Stacy. Get a mitt, and catch a clue. It's your third year trying out for the Minute Girls. Your waist line is thicker and your hairstyle is even more outdated. The only reason we even let you get this far is because we wanted to see what lame song you picked to cheer to. (Belinda sounds the horn again and the girl walks off the stage.) Belinda: Next up, Miss Jen Lindley! Jack: (to Jen) Are you sure you still want to do this? Jen: Are you kidding me? Now more than ever. (Jen walks onstage.) Belinda: I'm sure you'll dazzle us, Jen. I mean, we all know how flexible you are. (Jen gives her an evil look. She grabs the microphone.) Jen: When you see Belinda and her clique in the hallway, you're desperately wishing you were walking with them, aren't you? You think that maybe if you were wearing the right shoes, sporting the latest hairstyle, and using the hottest shade of lip gloss, then maybe they'd toss a glance in your direction. Have you ever wondered why they force their narrow minded views down our throats? Maybe it's because they have an inkling about what's in store for them after graduation. Cut to 25 years from now when Belinda McGovern wakes up feeling empty. Maybe it's because her Dartmouth-educated-lawyer-husband Ted has run off to Tiawana with her daughter's roomate from boarding school. Or maybe it's because the twins, Timmy and Tommy, call her my her first name and their live-in housekeeper, Mom. Or maybe it's because of her 2 o'clock, 5 o'clock, 7 o'clock and 9:15 showdown with her bottle of Prozac. Her life has become a domestic wasteland. Avoid this fate. Don't become another cookie cutter, blonde, size 4, rah-rah-sis-bam-boom, mindless, soulless, spineless wench. Screw these auditions. Screw cheerleading. And screw Belinda McGovern. (The crowd stands up and applauses loudly.) (Cut to Logan's Marina. Rob opens the door to the back room to reveal Joey in mid-change.) Joey: Hey! I'm changing here. Rob: Man, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were back here. I wanted a Coke. (He grabs a Coke from the fridge.) Joey: You just happened to "get thirsty" right when I'm standing here half naked? Rob: I hadn't noticed that coincidence. (He takes a sip.) You know what, I think I'm in the mood for a 7-UP instead. (Rob gets a 7-UP and takes a long drink.) Rob: I'll knock next time. Joey: Next time I'll lock the door. (Cut to Dawson on Mitch's boat with Eve.) Dawson: What're you looking at? Eve: You should take off your shirt. Dawson: --Any particular reason? Eve: I'd like to see you with it off. What's the matter, too brazen for you? Dawson: No. Yes. I mean... sometimes I just think I was born in the wrong time. The wrong century, even. Eve: What? Tights and powder and a wig more your style? Or just: club her over the head and drag her into the cave? Dawson: Well.... The latter choice does have a certain appealing simplicity. I'm sorry. I guess, I'm a little nervous. Eve: How come you're nervous? Dawson: The same reason you're not. Eve: Oh, but I am. Dawson: You are? Eve: Of course. Listen, Dawson... anything that's worth anything is scary, or dangerous, in one way or another. Dawson: That's a fairly extreme world view-- Eve: Not at all. Without fear, there would be no accomplishment. No testing of our limitations. No fun. Dawson: Who are you? And where do you come from? Eve: You said it yourself, Dawson. I'm a fantasy of your own creation. (Eve moves up really close to Dawson and puts her arms around him.) Eve: I can feel your heart. Beating. Dawson: You can? Eve: It's going a million miles an hour. Slow down. Dawson: Huh? Eve: The boat. (Dawson slows it down.) Eve: That's better. Reduce speed. The problem with teenage s*x is that it's something you "do"... it's something you "get done." You're a virgin, aren't you, Dawson? Dawson: What comes become virgin? (She smiles and moves in front of him.) Eve: Everything but. Dawson: Everything but what? Eve: That's what comes "before". (She kisses him. Dawson pulls away.) Dawson: Careful. I can't see. (She starts moving slowly downward.) Dawson: What.... What're you doing? Eve: Well, if you're not going to take off your shirt.... Dawson: What's your name? Eve: Eve. You can call me Eve. Dawson: Eve. That's a biblical name. Eve: I'll try and live up to it. (Eve goes completely out of picture "below the border", if you know what I mean. Cut to the boat, crashed, at Logan's Marina. Joey saw the accident.) Joey: Oh my God! Are you alright?! Dawson: I..(realizing it's Joey) I think so. (Eve laughs and comes into view.) Eve: Crashes are so intense. Dawson: Joey, this is Eve. Eve, this is Joey. Joey: And suddenly everything comes clear. Rob (to Joey): Wait a minute. You know this moron? Joey: I thought I did. [SCENE_BREAK] (She walks back up the dock. Cut to commercial break. Cut to Rob calculating damages.) Rob: Salvage charges plus yard costs plus carpentry and painting, I'd say you're looking at three-grand easy. Provided none of the gaskets blew, or engine mounts cracked, as result of the collision. Dawson: Three thousand dollars? Rob: Give or take. Dawson: I should've gone down with the ship. Rob: No argument here. (Dawson walks towards Eve, who is sitting on the dock.) Eve: Things could be worse. Dawson: That's what they said to King Lear before he lost his mind and his daughter killed herself. Or was it the other way around? Eve: Come on, Dawson! No one was hurt, and you'll never forget this day as long as you live. Dawson: That's what I'm afraid of. Eve: Everybody wants life to go smoothly. But the truth is, it's the mistakes that keep things interesting. Dawson: Another treacly truism and my sweet tooth is gonna start to ache. Eve: Wait a second! You're mad at me! Dawson: It's just...you made me crash... Eve: Made you what?! I didn't make you do anything! Dawson: Maybe I'm just not ready. For any of this. Eve: Ready? Dawson, I've known you for 48 hours, but I think it's safe to say that you gotta stop living from the neck up. (She starts to leave.) Dawson: Don't go! Eve: You're going to have to do a lot better than that. Dawson: I'm thinking about something I read once. That a man's character is his fate. Eve: And? Dawson: And this isn't me, Eve. I don't meet strange girls on a bus. Or drive my father's boat without permission. Look what happens when I do. Unmitigated disaster. Eve: Well that's too bad. Because this girl just wants to have fun. (Eve leaves. Cut to Jen walking down the Capeside hallway, in a trance. Jack catches up with her.) Jack: What's the matter, Jen? You look like your dog just died. Jen: I don't have a dog. Jack: I know that. Jen: That's right, you know that. Jack: Jen...what is it? (A cute "popular" guy walks by, grinning at her and gives her a congratulations.) Jack: Who was that? Jen: No clue. I'm going to have to leave school. Immediately. Jack: Why? (Around her, girls giggle and say hi as Jen continues in her trance.) Jen: The unthinkable has happened. (Principal Green walks by.) Principal: Good going, Ms. Lindley. (Jen smiles.) Jack: What? You've become popular? Jen: Worse. Follow me. (Jen heads to her locker and starts opening it.) Jen: It was a coup d'etat. A mutiny. A slave revolt. Belinda McGovern has been excommunicated by her brainless bishops. Jack: Help me out here. I don't think I understand. Jen: (She shows him the pom poms) They're the golden ones. With the rhinestone-studded handles. Jack: Don't tell me they made you a cheerleader? Jen: Oh, no. Jack: Thank God. Jen: They made me Head Cheerleader. Jack: That's cool. (Jack cracks up laughing. Jen throws one of her pom poms at him. Cut to Joey and Bessie out front of Joey's house with laundry.) Bessie: But I thought you said -- Joey: Forget what I said. I was lying, or at least, hoping for the best. The truth is, Dawson's been dodging me for the past two days. Bessie: Dodging you? And then crashing Mitch's pride and joy? It's like one Dawson left for Philadelphia, and another one came back. Joey: Yeah... his evil twin. Bessie: Oh sis... Joey: Yet another chapter in the Joey Potter sob story. Penniless girl from the wrong side of the tracks copes with a felon for a father, a slave driver for a boss, and a two-timing boyfriend -- okay, ex-boyfriend. I keep expecting them to put me on daytime TV between Ivory Snow commercials. Bessie: Don't go there, Joey. You haven't spent a summer pitying yourself. Don't start now. Joey: At least, he could've told me... then I wouldn't feel like such a fool. Bessie: About the girl, you mean? Joey: One look at her, and I knew: she's everything I'm not. Wild, confident, blonde... I feel like the little kid. Always the one getting left behind. Bessie: Listen, I remember the time when there was another blonde in the picture. Joey: Yeah... and look how well that turned out. Besides, it's different now. Bessie: Yes. It is. (Cut to Dawson and Pacey in Dawson's living room. Pacey's reading a magazine and Dawson's searching under cushions of the couch.) Pacey: Look on the bright side. At least her jaw didn't lock. Dawson: Remind me to start cracking jokes when your execution looms just hours away. Two more nickels, a shoelace, and a pair of sunglasses I lost two years ago. I now have a combined total of forty-two dollars and seventy-eight cents. Even if I sell my DVD player, I'm still close to two-thousand dollars short. Pacey: Congratulations, Dawson. Next to Bill Clinton you will have paid more for a certain service than anyone I know. Dawson: If I don't come up with this money, I'm gonna pay with my life. (The doorbell rings. Dawson opens the door to find Eve.) Dawson: Hello. Eve: Didn't think you'd see me again? Did you? Dawson: Didn't know if I wanted to. Eve: Well, I'll get outta your hair. I just wanted to bring you this. (She gives him an envelope. He looks inside.) Eve: There's about four hundred dollars in there. It's a collection. Dawson: A collection? Eve: I told the girls at the club the story. They thought it was so cute they took up a collection of last night's tips. Dawson: "Cute." I'm now officially mortified. Pacey: Never underestimate the kindess of strippers, Dawson. Lady Eve, on behalf of my luckless buddy here, we gladly accept this contribution. Dawson: No, we gladly don't. Eve: Why? Dawson: Because. It's your money and it's my problem. Eve: You were right, I pushed you too far, too fast... Dawson: It was still my fault. Eve: I feel responsible for what happened. And I don't feel responsible that often. Dawson: It doesn't matter. Eve: Just take the money... Dawson: I can't. (Pacey puts on the pair of sunglasses Dawson found. He looks in the mirror. He gets an idea.) Pacey: Hang on a second...maybe these ladies don't have to give of their wallets. But if they could give their time and considerable talents... Eve: I like where you're going with this. Dawson: I don't. Pacey: We'll throw a party. Here. Tonight. Eve: It's genius! You'll make the cash you need in two hours tops! Dawson: It's insane! I will not turn my house into a strip club! No way! Pacey: Teenage boys will come, Dawson. They'll come for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up in your driveway, not knowing for sure why they're doing it, and arrive at your door, innocent as children. "Of course, we won't mind if you look around," you'll say. "It's only twenty dollars per person." And they'll pass over money without even looking at it. For it is money they have and breasts they lack. No, Dawson. Teenage boys will come. They will most definitely come. (Cut to the Leery house at night. Pacey is standing outside with a LONG line of teenage males.) Pacey: Step right up gentlemen, with money in hand. For you are about to enter the Leery house of inequity. Oh and gentlemen, Chino here (motioning towards the muscular man) has strict orders to break any part of your body that touches the ladies, (to guy in front of line) understand? Alright, get up there! (Cut to Dawson walking through his house full of strippers dancing on tables. Eve walks up to him counting money.) Eve: At the rate we're going we'll have something left over for Jerry's Kids. Dawson: There's something so not right about this. Some Guy: This is so freakin' awesome! Dawson (to Eve): Are you alright? (She nods.) Dawson: I'm going to go lay down. (Cut to Dawson in his bedroom. He lays back on his bed.) Joey: Hey. (Dawson turns to find Joey sitting at his desk.) Dawson: Hey. Joey: Rager downstairs, huh? Dawson: Yeah. Less than a week into Junior year and already my life's in complete and utter upheaval. Joey: Then I'm probably the last person you want to see. Dawson: You're a lot of things, Joey. You're never the last person I want to see. (Joey gets up and moves to sit by him on the bed.) Joey: Dawson, um, I'm sorry. Not just about today. About everything. About my dad, I was wrong. However, in that total moment of adolescent anger and upset, I lashed out at the one person who cares about me the most. Who I care about the most. Dawson: You should have called me, Jo. Or written. You should have contacted me. Joey: I should have done a lot of things. But I was so....ashamed. I figured I'd ignore life for awhile. But you can't do that forever, can you? Dawson: No, you can't. Joey: Who is she? Dawson: Eve? I just met her. Joey: Are you two... Dawson: Hardly. Joey: Did you miss me? Dawson: You know I did. Joey: Good. (She moves up standing above him.) Joey: Because I missed you, too. Dawson: It's not the same anymore, Jo. Joey: It doesn't have to be the same, Dawson. It's a new year. It can be different. It can be better. (Joey pulls her shirt off and stares at Dawson as we cut to commercials. Cut back to Dawson and Joey right where we left. She moves in closer then...) Dawson: No. Joey: What is it? What's wrong? Dawson: Everything. This is not you. Joey: I can be sexual, Dawson. Dawson: I know you can, Joey. But we can't do this. Not now. Not like this. Put your shirt back on. (She's embarressed.) Dawson: I'm sorry if you're hurt. Joey: Hurt? Why would I be hurt, Dawson? I hope you're not delusional enough to think it was some embarrassing attempt at getting you back. Besides, if s*x is all you're about these days-- Dawson: s*x is not all I'm about, Joey. And you, more than anyone, should know that. Joey: I am not responsible for your sexual inexperience. Dawson: I'm not blaming you... Joey: I never stopped you from being with someone else. Dawson: That was particularly clear when you dumped me twice. Joey: You had time, Dawson. There was plenty of time for you to have all the fun you wanted. It's not my fault if you're still a virgin. Dawson: I love you, Jo. What happened between us or didn't happen was because both of us wanted it that way. Joey: (whispering) What's wrong? What's so wrong with me? Dawson: It's not you. It's us. I can't go through all that again. You say it will be different, but it won't be. Joey: You don't know that. Dawson: Yes, I do. And so do you. Joey, another year like last year and I can promise you, there will be no more love left between us. Joey: So is there anything else? Dawson: Yes. Joey: So you love me...you just don't want me? (Dawson doesn't answer. Joey starts crying and exits the room through the window. Cut to Pacey downstairs at the rager as Dawson comes down. Pacey interrupts everyone.) Pacey: Kids, could I have everybody's attention please? Ladies and gentlemen, and esteemed exotic dancers, I'd like to present to you, the man that made this all possible, Dawson Leery. (The crowd applaudes.) Pacey: I think the preliminary results of our little pledge drive are in so Gino, if I could have the envelope, please. The unofficial tally of tonight's festivities comes to $3,162! Now, you can call me crazy, you can call me insane, but I think it's time to open this place up to the public. What do you say? (The crowd cheers. Cut to Eve dragging Dawson through the crowd.) Dawson: Where are we going? Eve: I have a surprise. Dawson: I think I should probably stay and make sure nobody burns my house down, right? Eve: And why would you do that? Dawson: Probably to avoid figuring out whether or not I'm going to sleep with you. Eve: Follow me, Dawson. And all secrets will be revealed. Dawson: Go ahead, I'll be right there. (Dawson pulls Pacey off a table with a stripper and takes him outside on the porch.) Dawson: She wants me back. Pacey: Joey? Dawson: Yeah. And as we speak the ever-tempting Eve stands in the wings waiting. Pacey: Always comes down to this, my friend, doesn't it? The Madonna or the Jezebel... Dawson: You should have seen her, Pace. She was standing before me as innocent and as beautiful as she's ever been and I wanted her as much as I ever have. But, I don't know, as large of a part of me that wanted me, there's as big of a part that knows that now is not the right time for us. Pacey: Yeah. Dawson: But I need to know she's okay. Could you talk to her? Maybe watch out for her for a couple of days? Pacey: Oh, no, no, no. Dawson: She needs someone. She'd never admit it, but she does. Pacey: Dawson! Man.... Dawson: You'd be doing it for me, Pace. Please. (Pacey nods. Dawson smiles and leaves the porch. Cut to Dawson meeting Eve on the dock, she's in a boat.) Eve: Want to go for a ride? Dawson: Is it yours? Eve: It's my boss'. I talked him into letting me borrow it. Dawson: I was kind of hoping that we'd graduated from the open ocean to dry land. Eve: If at first you don't succeed... Offscreen: DAWSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dawson turns to see his Dad back.) Eve: Who's that? Dawson: That's my father. Next stop at the home from hell. Eve: Listen, Dawson, you're one step away from the rest of your life. Get in. Dawson: I crashed his boat and I wrecked his house. I can't just leave. Eve: There's nothing you can do tonight. Be honest. What's going to change between now and tomorrow morning? Dawson: Nothing...except maybe me. Eve: Last chance, Dawson. Dawson: I can't. Eve: You know, I don't know who's the bigger mystery. Me....or you. (She smiles and drives the boat away from the dock as Dawson stares after her. Cut to Joey sitting on her dock, crying. She looks up to see Pacey rowing to her house.) Pacey: Ahoy! Anyone ashore? Joey: What are you doing here? Pacey: Well, a funny thing happened. I got in Dawson's rowboat and it magically drifted to your dock. Joey: Magically drift any closer and I'll kill you. Pacey: I almost believe that. (Pacey ties up the boat and jumps up to sit beside her. She looks at him angrily.) Joey: He told you, didn't he? Didn't he? Pacey: What do you think? Joey: I think I hate you both. Pacey: You're gonna hate what I'm going to say even more. He did the best thing, Joey. You two need to be apart now. Joey: How would you know what I need? Pacey: You're probably right. I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're going through. How hard it is to let someone go. How painful it must be to know that as right as you two are for each other, it doesn't mean you're right for each other right now. I wouldn't know a thing about that. About how it makes you want to scream, or hit someone... or cry. Joey: Of all the people to see me like this, it had to be you. Pacey: It's a new year, Joey. You never know, we could even end up friends. Joey: Pacey, I'm upset enough as it is. (He smiles and pulls her closer.) Pacey: Hey Potter. C'mere. (She leans against him and starts crying. Cue ending credits.)

Dawson returns from spending the summer in Philadelphia with his mother, and on the journey home meets a beautiful blonde girl, Eve, who takes a liking to him. He hasn't spoken to Joey all summer. Jen gets an unexpected offer after she stands up to the school's popular crowd. Mitch becomes the new coach of the high school football team, and leaves for a coaching conference. In a moment of madness, Dawson crashes Mitch's boat and he and Pacey hatch a crazy plan to raise money to fix it. Joey offers herself to Dawson but he rejects her. Pacey awaits the return of Andie, who has spent the summer in the hospital.

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The Time Warrior By Robert Holmes Broadcast December 15th 1973 Duration: 24'15 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. FX SHOT. SPACE (We see a bright light moving rapidly across the screen. This is LINX's spaceship heading toward Earth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (An axe smashes into a table. Pull back to reveal BLOODAXE who looks nervously at his master, IRONGRON. They both sit at the table.) IRONGRON: This sheep has been dead a year. Are they trying to poison me? BLOODAXE: It is salted. IRONGRON: Salted? It stinks! (He throws a bone against the wall.) IRONGRON: Wine! Must I perish of thirst? Bring me wine! (MEG scurries up to the table with a pitcher. She pours some wine into IRONGRON'S tankard.) MEG: 'Tis the dregs of the barrel, captain. 'Tis the last there is. (MEG backs away as IRONGRON drinks. It is foul. He spits it out.) IRONGRON: (angry.) Ooh... (He throws the flagon at MEG. It's contents land on one of his minions, waking him up.) IRONGRON: Sour wine!...Stinking meat, sour wine...is this how I am served? BLOODAXE: Our supplies are low captain...it's some time since we went a-foraging. IRONGRON: And meanwhile our fine neighbours feast their bellies full of fresh meat and swill down flagons of fine wine. BLOODAXE: Sir Edward's storehouses and cellars are well stocked. IRONGRON: Then perhaps we should relieve him of some of his abundance, eh my friend? He's a good neighbour...he'll not miss a little of his pantry. BLOODAXE: Look! (BLOODAXE gets up and crosses to the window.) [SCENE_BREAK] (CSO SHOT - We see LINX's ship descend, as BLOODAXE watches.) [SCENE_BREAK] BLOODAXE: Stars a-fallin'! (IRONGRON joins him at the window.) IRONGRON: I see only one star. [SCENE_BREAK] (CSO SHOT - The ship has now landed. We can see a pulsing glow through the window.) [SCENE_BREAK] IRONGRON: It has fallen in the forest! Come on, get up you fellows. Get up. Get up! (His men rouse themselves from their sleep.) BLOODAXE: 'Tis on omen...an evil sign! IRONGRON: It is mine...Irongron's star...I will have it! Hurry, fetch the horses. BLOODAXE: Hurry? Hurry where? IRONGRON: To find the star before some knave robs me of it! It landed close by! BLOODAXE: But the forest is still in darkness! Who knows what demons may set upon us?! IRONGRON: Why, you chicken-hearted knaves! Every man of you! (He rushes at them, axe raised. BLOODAXE stops him.) BLOODAXE: It's but and an hour till dawn. Let's wait till then. To wait and see what faces us. We'll follow you then, captain. (He reluctantly agrees.) IRONGRON: Let all be made ready. I ride at dawn. Alone if need be. BLOODAXE: We're with you, captain. IRONGRON: Then bring me some wine. We'll drink a toast to Irongron's Star. (He smashes the axe into the table as the men scurry out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. EXT. FOREST CLEARING. DAY (On, horseback, IRONGRON, BLOODAXE and the men ride up to LINX's Ship; a silver sphere. They dismount and approach it cautiously.) IRONGRON: A star...a fallen star! BLOODAXE: Careful, captain...looks like the devil's work to me. (A hidden door in the sphere swings open and LINX emerges. He is squat and clothed in a space suit of some kind. A domed helmet obscures his features. He carries a stick.) IRONGRON: A warrior...a warrior from the stars! (He draws his sword.) IRONGRON: Have you come to challenge me, sky warrior? (LINX silently raises his weapon and shoots the sword from IRONGRON's hand.) BLOODAXE: Flee for your life, captain! IRONGRON: What creature is this? BLOODAXE: 'Tis a devil from hell. (LINX adjusts a control at his waist. It emits a strange noise.) LINX: Peace...fear not...I shall not harm you. IRONGRON: It speaks! Who are you? Where do you come from? LINX: I am a Sontaran officer. My name is Linx. BLOODAXE: I say he's the Saracen. I have heard tales of his eastern magic. (LINX thrusts the stick into the ground. He salutes it. It opens to display two small flags.) LINX: By virtue of my authority as an officer of the Army Space Corps, I hereby claim this planet, its moons and satellites, for the greater glory of the Sontaran Empire. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (IRONGRON's men surround LINX at sword-point.) IRONGRON: Help you? Why should I help you, Star Warrior? Why should I not kill you and take your ship and its treasure for myself? LINX: The ship is in need of repair. Even if it were not, you would destroy yourself should you tamper with it. IRONGRON: Then why should I not just slay your for sport? Can you overcome all of us with your...magic? (LINX looks around, considering the odds. He approaches IRONGRON.) LINX: You are a soldier, are you not? A warrior? IRONGRON: I took this castle by force of arms. Those that were here before me I slew. All the countryside around here pays my tribute. LINX: Yet no doubt you have enemies - other warriors who envy your good fortune? IRONGRON: Aye. But they cannot harm me. The King has levied tribute. All their troops are at the wars. LINX: And when they return? IRONGRON: Then we shall fight. LINX: I can give you weapons. Weapons that can make you master, so that none dare stand against you. You shall take what castles you will. IRONGRON: Magic weapons? Like that that smote the sword from my hand? LINX: Other weapons fitter for your purpose. Weapons that can strike a man dead from far away. You can be Supreme Warrior. IRONGRON: I can be king! But what do you ask in return, apart from your life? LINX: Shelter. (BLOODAXE steps forward but IRONGRON signals him to stay.) LINX: A place to conceal my ship and help with its repair. You have men that can work in metal? IRONGRON: An armourer to sharpen weapons...a Smith with a forge if these will serve your need? LINX: I need more of much more. There is damage to the drive mechanism of my ship. I need alloy, skilled technicians, complex circuitry. IRONGRON: We have none of these things of which you speak. LINX: Then I must take them from those who have. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. CUBICLE ROOM (The room has three cubicles on one side and a table and chair in the middle. On the other side, a couple of beds. A soldier is finishing putting up a door to the last cubicle. Another soldier enters with a grubby mattress. The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER follow him. The soldier puts the mattress on the empty bed frame and exits.) DOCTOR: In here, Brigadier? BRIGADIER: Yes, I'm afraid so, Doctor. Not exactly The Ritz, I know, but you know it's no joke providing emergency accommodation for all these scientists. DOCTOR: All right Brigadier, you've had your little bit of mystification. Now I know where I'm supposed to stay, perhaps you we don't mind telling me why? BRIGADIER: Well, this place is one of the most top-secret security establishments in the whole country. In fact, most of their work's so secret they don't even know what they're doing themselves. DOCTOR: And? BRIGADIER: It's also one of the best guarded places in the country; security details, alarm systems... DOCTOR: Yes, I rather gathered that when we arrived. For a moment I thought they weren't going to let you in! BRIGADIER: Yes exactly. Place is almost too security conscious. That's what makes it all the more puzzling... DOCTOR: Makes what all the more puzzling? Come on, Brigadier, you can tell me. BRIGADIER: People...vanishing. DOCTOR: People? BRIGADIER: Well, they've lost half a dozen leading scientists and several million pounds worth of ultra-secret equipment. DOCTOR: What are they working on here, anyway? BRIGADIER: Space hardware...new alloys...guidance systems...methods of propulsion. DOCTOR: And what action have you taken so far? BRIGADIER: Well, I'd rather a bright idea. It's rather hard to keep track of all these scientist chaps at home, so I've had these cubicles put up on several floors...confined the whole lot to barracks...all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. DOCTOR: Well that's fine, so long as no one steals the basket! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. LINX'S WORKSHOP (The missing scientists and equipment LINX has stolen fill one side of the room. One of Irongron's men, hypnotized, brings in some muskets and puts them on the table. LINX inspects these and then crosses toward his ship, which sits in the corner. There is a knock at the door. It is BLOODAXE.) BLOODAXE: Linx? My Lord Linx? Will you open the door? LINX: None may enter here. Such was my agreement with your captain. BLOODAXE: Yeah, it is my captain who sends me. He would have words with you, Lord Linx. LINX: Then tell him I am occupied. Now leave me to my work!...insolent primitives...did I not need their aid... [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (IRONGRON sets an apple up for target. He holds one of the muskets that LINX has been making. BLOODAXE enters.) IRONGRON: Where is the star warrior? BLOODAXE: He will not come. He says he's occupied. IRONGRON: Why, the insolent barbarian! Did I not need his help, I'd... See, Bloodaxe, the first of the new weapons! Watch! (IRONGRON fires the musket.) BLOODAXE: Oh! Claps the ears! IRONGRON: I'll soon master the aim. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. CUBICLE ROOM RUBEISH: Rubeish. DOCTOR: I beg your pardon? RUBEISH: Joseph Rubeish. DOCTOR: Oh, I see. I'm so sorry. Hello. How do you do? (They shake hands. The TARDIS now stands in a corner of the room.) RUBEISH: It's disgraceful of course, utterly disgraceful. DOCTOR: What is? RUBEISH: Shutting us all up. Like a lot of kids kept in after school. That Brigadier chap. Military idiot. DOCTOR: Yes I know how you feel. Still, he means well, you know. RUBEISH: Haven't seen my wife and family for three days. DOCTOR: I'm sorry to hear that. RUBEISH: Ah well, just shows. There's always a silver lining. And your name? DOCTOR: Er, Smith. Dr John Smith. RUBEISH: Oh...seems to be a lot of 'em about today. DOCTOR: I'm sorry? RUBEISH: Well I was talking to a young woman just now. Also Smith. (SARAH enters.) RUBEISH: Ah, there she is. Miss Smith? SARAH: Yes, Professor? RUBEISH: Come and meet your namesake. Miss Lavinia Smith, Doctor, err... DOCTOR: Doctor John Smith. How do you do, Miss Smith? SARAH: Hello. RUBEISH: Doctor, I'm intrigued. What's that for? (He indicated the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: That? Oh, that er, that contains my equipment. Professor. RUBEISH: That's original. (He wanders over to it.) DOCTOR: You're the virologist, Miss Smith? SARAH: Yes. Who told you? DOCTOR: I've read your paper on the teleological response of the virus. A most impressive piece of work. SARAH: Thank you. DOCTOR: Particularly when I realize you must've written it when you were five years old. SARAH: Ah, er...yes, that is rather difficult to explain isn't it? DOCTOR: But you're going to try, aren't you? SARAH: Well um, my Aunt Lavinia is in America on a lecture tour, you see. DOCTOR: hmmm. SARAH: She had an invitation to visit here. I took her place. DOCTOR: Why? SARAH: Well, I thought all this might give me a good story. I'm a journalist. Sarah Jane Smith. DOCTOR: You realize this is a very dangerous place to be in? SARAH: Well I can't help that. I'm stuck here now...and anyway, we've got all these soldiers looking after us. Are you going to give me away, Doctor? (The DOCTOR sits back in his chair, considering for a moment.) DOCTOR: I don't think. SARAH: Why not? DOCTOR: Well you can make yourself useful. We need someone around here to make the coffee. SARAH: If you think I'm going to spend my time making cups of coffee for you, you're very... DOCTOR: Professor! (The DOCTOR slaps the table and stands up, crossing to the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Look, would you kindly desist? This is not a blackboard, you know? (He takes out his key and puts it in the lock.) RUBEISH: Oh I do beg your pardon, Doctor. I was just trying to prove... SARAH: What do you plan to do in there? DOCTOR: Make myself a cup of coffee. Good day to you. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT-SIR EDWARD'S CASTLE [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. SIR EDWARD'S CASTLE LADY ELEANOR: But for how long, Edward? How long are we to tolerate this upstart, this insolent usurper as our neighbour? He robs, he pillages, he murders...he flouts your authority every day. Your authority which comes direct from the King! SIR EDWARD: Unfortunately, my dear, the King who gave me my authority has taken away my troops to fight in his interminable wars. LADY ELEANOR: Irongron's band is small, and we still have Hal the archer and one or two men at arms. SIR EDWARD: I have sent letters to all our neighbours. Each, like myself, has but a mere handful of men...yet, if all these handfuls be combined they might yet make a force that will crush this Irongron. LADY ELEANOR: If you will excuse me my dear, I must give orders for dinner. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (BLOODAXE leads in two men dragging with them ERIC, one of Sir Edward's men.) BLOODAXE: We caught his little rabbit in the forest, sire. IRONGRON: Sir Edward's squire. Are you loyal to your lord, boy? ERIC: Aye IRONGRON: We shall see. BLOODAXE: He had this on him. (He produces a parchment.) BLOODAXE: He tried to eat it when we caught him! IRONGRON: Are all Sir Edward's men so ill fed? (They laugh. IRONGRON looks at the parchment.) IRONGRON: Bah! I can make nothing of their Norman scribbles. What does it say? BLOODAXE: I cannot read, captain! IRONGRON: What's the message say, boy? (ERIC does not answer.) IRONGRON: So your Sir Edward is going to attack me, eh?. Well, speak! ERIC: I know nothing. IRONGRON: Take him below. We will loosen his tongue presently. (They drag ERIC away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12.INT.SIR EDWARD'S CASTLE (LADY ELEANOR is shown SIR EDWARD's uneaten dinner by a servant girl. Then he enters. The room is dark and candle-lit.) LADY ELEANOR: Edward! SIR EDWARD: What is it? Is Eric back yet? LADY ELEANOR: You haven't eaten all day! SIR EDWARD: Why hasn't he returned? I could have ridden to my Lord of Salisbury's castle three times over. LADY ELEANOR: It's not good for you to worry so much. SIR EDWARD: How can I not worry. LADY ELEANOR: Think that tomorrow will be brighter. Edward, I've heard that Irongron walks his battlements every morning. SIR EDWARD: Oh, it pleases him to be high. He's like a cockerel. LADY ELEANOR: But does he climb so high that an arrow cannot reach him? [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (IRONGRON is practicing swinging his axe when LINX enters.) LINX: Irongron! IRONGRON: That strange armour you wear suits you, Linx. LINX: It is Sontaran space armour. IRONGRON: But why must we never see your face? LINX: This helmet conceals the fact that I am not to of your kind, Irongron. You might not find my true appearance pleasing. IRONGRON: By my sword, Linx, I'll wager you're the fairest beauty in the castle! LINX: Why did you summon me? You know my work is pressing. IRONGRON: I have a prisoner in the dungeon, a surly fellow who will not speak. LINX: And you wish him to? IRONGRON: Yes. LINX: Then give him to me. I will make him speak. (IRONGRON throws a bone at one of his men standing by the door.) IRONGRON: Tell Bloodaxe to bring up the prisoner! (The man exits.) IRONGRON: Well Linx, you cunning old devil, what fresh tricks can you show Irongron, eh? LINX: What is the nature of information you seek? IRONGRON: He is a messenger of those who plot a war against me. LINX: A war? That is excellent. IRONGRON: Oh, so you like a war, eh? LINX: Who does not? My race has been at war for millennia. There is not a galaxy in the universe that our space fleets have not subjugated. (IRONGRON looks blank.) LINX: But you do not understand me. I am stranded on this primitive planet when I should be leading my squadron to glory. I am an expert at war, Irongron. IRONGRON: I know. What about those new weapons you promised me? LINX: Keep your side of the bargain and I shall keep mine. You shall have your weapons. IRONGRON: We make good allies, Linx. Each has much that the other wants. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. INT. CUBICLE ROOM (The DOCTOR has set up some equipment on the table, which he is examining closely.) RUBEISH: Miss Smith! DOCTOR: No, no. I'm the Doctor! You really must keep your glasses on the end of your nose, Professor! RUBEISH: No, no, listen. She's not Miss Smith. DOCTOR: She isn't? RUBEISH: No! Who is she? DOCTOR: I don't think I quite understand what you talking about Professor? RUBEISH: Well, just now I was in the common room with Sir Maxwell Dingle and I happened to mention that I was on the same landing as Lavinia Smith the virologist. And do you know what he said? DOCTOR: Yes, he said she's in America. RUBEISH: He said she's in Ameri... How could you know? (As RUBEISH turns round, he knocks over a cylinder on the table.) DOCTOR: Please be careful, this is very delicate equipment! RUBEISH: But, if she's a spy...what do we do? DOCTOR: (PAUSE.) Shoot her? RUBEISH: Well, there's something odd about her. She even tried to tell me you were a spy! (SARAH has entered.) SARAH: Am I on the right floor? RUBEISH: Goodnight. SARAH: Goodnight Professor! (RUBEISH goes into his cubicle and SARAH shuts the room door.) SARAH: What's that? (The equipment.) DOCTOR: That's my alarm clock. SARAH: Oh Doctor, kindly don't be so patronizing. Now what is it really? DOCTOR: It's a Rhondium Sensor. It detects delta particles. At a pre-set spectrum density of 15 ams it oscillates this little cylinder there, which promotes a vacuum in there which wakes me up. Clear? SARAH: Well, why do you want to be woken up when it detects delta particles? DOCTOR: Because I'm very fond of delta particles. Why do you ask so many questions? SARAH: Because I'm a journalist. (The DOCTOR leans back in his chair and puts his feet on the table.) SARAH: Are you going to sleep there? DOCTOR: If you'll allow me to do so. Good night Miss Smith. (SARAH goes into her cubicle. RUBEISH comes out of his.) RUBEISH: Psst. Shouldn't we tell the Brigadier? DOCTOR: Tell the Brigadier what? RUBEISH: About her! DOCTOR: I think we can decide what to do about Miss Smith in the morning, Professor. If we're all still here! [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (ERIC is dragged before IRONGRON and LINX.) BLOODAXE: He's stout-hearted this one, sire. He speaks not a word. IRONGRON: A fair measure for you, Linx. (ERIC stares in fear at LINX, who takes the wand-like weapon from his belt. The end glows brightly and a humming sound is heard. ERIC straightens up, his expression becoming blank.) IRONGRON: Well come on Linx, have at him! LINX: Ask what you wish. IRONGRON: Eh? But you've done nothing! (LINX indicates his weapon.) LINX: This is a key. I have unlocked your prisoners mind. Question him. IRONGRON: How many men guard Sir Edward's castle? ERIC: There are but ten, old men for the most part. IRONGRON: He plans to attack me with ten old men? ERIC: He sends messengers to raise a force against you. If he succeed, then he will attack. IRONGRON: Listen to the fellow! He cannot stop babbling! (LINX begins to leave.) IRONGRON: Stay, Linx! Have I given you leave? (LINX produces his weapon and cuts the head off IRONGRON's axe.) LINX: Each of us has work to do, Irongron. I'll be back. IRONGRON: By my sword, Bloodaxe, I'll pickle that insolent Star Warrior in boiling oil, one day! Insolent dog! (IRONGRON slams a tankard on the table.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. INT. CUBICLE ROOM ( The DOCTOR is asleep. His equipment is making a strange noise. The DOCTOR wakes up. He looks at a compass on the table- the direction of the needle indicates Rubeish's Cubicle.) DOCTOR: Rubeish? (He crosses to the cubicle and knocks on the door.) RUBEISH: (From within) What? Who is it? DOCTOR: Oh, it's alright. Nothing to worry about. Just checking. (He returns to his equipment. SARAH comes out of her cubicle, putting her jacket on.) SARAH: What's happening? DOCTOR: You're asking questions again. (There is a crash from RUBEISH's cubicle.) DOCTOR: Rubeish! SARAH: Professor Rubeish? (They rush into...) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. INT. RUBEISH'S CUBICLE (...but he has vanished.) SARAH: He's gone! DOCTOR: Yes, but he was here a moment ago. (SARAH picks up a pair of glasses lying on the bed.) SARAH: Well, he can't have gone far. He's as blind as a bat without his glasses. (The DOCTOR goes back to the table and picks up a torch-like device. He makes for the door as SARAH comes out of the cubicle.) DOCTOR: You stay here, Miss Smith. I'm going to check the landing. (He exits to...) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INT. THE LANDING (...where two SOLDIERS are on guard.) DOCTOR: Did anybody come out here just now? (The SOLDIERS shake their heads. The Doctor moves toward the stairs and activates the torch-like device. He slowly pans across the landing and up the stairs. Suddenly, the ghostly image of LINX appears at the top of the stairs. One of the SOLDIERS fires a shot. The ghostly image vanishes as they rush up the stairs. The DOCTOR returns to the...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. CUBICLE ROOM SARAH: What were they shooting at? DOCTOR: Shadows. SARAH: Oh come on, Doctor. Stop treating me like a child. DOCTOR: I can't understand why the definition was so low...unless he's operating with a very weak power source at maximum range. Yes, of course! (He makes for the TARDIS. SARAH is about to follow him when the BRIGADIER bellows...) BRIGADIER: DOCTOR!!! (...and she turns back instead into her cubicle as the BRIGADIER enters.) BRIGADIER: Doctor? DOCTOR: (Inside TARDIS.) Hello? BRIGADIER: Look, Doctor, we've had a raid. Is everyone present on this landing? (The DOCTOR comes out of the TARDIS carrying a deep briefcase.) DOCTOR: No. Professor Rubeish is missing. BRIGADIER: Oh my giddy aunt, the Minister'll go spare! Did you see anything, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes BRIGADIER: What? DOCTOR: Well, I thought I saw a man in armour. (The DOCTOR moves to the table and begins packing his equipment in to the case.) BRIGADIER: A man in armour? DOCTOR: Mmhmm BRIGADIER: Old-fashioned armour? You mean a ghost? DOCTOR: I very much doubt it. Sorry I can't stop, Brigadier. BRIGADIER: Why? Where are you going? DOCTOR: Well, I've got to get on the trail while it's still warm. BRIGADIER: What trail? The chap's just vanished? DOCTOR: Oh no he hasn't. I've just got a fix on him. Something very odd indeed is going on. BRIGADIER: Yes, well if I may say so, Doctor, that is not exactly news to me. DOCTOR: Someone's operating a matter transmitter. The really odd thing is, there's a time transference too. It's being worked from several centuries ago. Past and present mixed up. Very interesting, that... (Behind them, unnoticed, SARAH has crept toward the TARDIS. She is looking in through the open door.) SARAH: (Quietly.) Professor Rubeish? Are you in there? (She enters the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Well, I can't stay here chatting, old boy. Got to get after Rubeish. BRIGADIER: Doctor, I forbid you to go off in that contraption. There's no telling where you'll end up. Remember what happened to you on Metebelis Three! DOCTOR: I got there, didn't I? BRIGADIER: Yes, eventually. After several detours. DOCTOR: My dear Brigadier, a straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting. Goodbye old chap. (The DOCTOR enters the TARDIS and closes the door.) BRIGADIER: But Doctor! (The TARDIS dematerializes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. EXT. OUTSIDE IRONGRON'S CASTLE (We can see IRONGRON walking his battlements. In the forest below, HAL, the archer, hears the sound of the TARDIS materializing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. EXT. WOODS (The DOCTOR stands next to the TARDIS. He gives the ship a pat.) DOCTOR: Well done, old girl. Absolutely on target...for once. (He walks out of shot and SARAH exits the TARDIS.) SARAH: It's still only a Police Box...must find a telephone. (She sets off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. EXT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (IRONGRON and BLOODAXE ascend the battlements.) IRONGRON: Sir Edward only has a puny force. He stands within his walls. If only we could breach them, Bloodaxe! BLOODAXE: We can cut Sir Edward's soldiers down in half the time our rogues spend with their breakfast. IRONGRON: It's those accursed walls, walls like these! But with Linx's new weapons... [SCENE_BREAK] 23. EXT. FOREST (HAL has his bow drawn and is aiming his arrow when SARAH speaks and distracts his aim.) SARAH: Excuse me, could you tell me where the nearest telephone... (HAL takes to his heels and runs, leaving SARAH behind.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. EXT. IRONGRON'S CASTLE (HAL's arrow misses IRONGRON, burying itself in a door behind him.) BLOODAXE: He flees through the forest! (He runs down to the edge of the battlements.) BLOODAXE: Take Him! After him, you dogs! Through the forest! [SCENE_BREAK] 25. EXT. CASTLE APPROACH (SARAH runs up to see IRONGRON's men running out to pursue HAL.) SARAH: Oh, it must be some sort of pageant. I say! Hey, you there! (As the men rush past, one of them stops to grab her and drag her back to the castle.) SARAH: Hey! What are you doing? Get off! DOCTOR: How the blazes did she get here? [SCENE_BREAK] 26. EXT. CASTLE COURTYARD (SARAH is being dragged along by one of IRONGRON's men.) SARAH: Look, if this is a Rag Day joke, it's not funny! (She is dragged away, protesting all the while. The DOCTOR cautiously enters the courtyard. He ducks behind a cart as LINX enters and then pauses for a moment. The DOCTOR looks up and gives a nod of recognition at the sight of the Sontaran. LINX removes his helmet and turns round to camera, revealing his troll-like features!)

The Brigadier asks the Doctor to investigate the disappearance of several scientists, only for him to find they have been abducted back in time.

fd_Charmed_06x01

fd_Charmed_06x01_0

[Scene: On the beach. A KQSF Beach Bash is taking place. Smash Mouth is performing on a stage. A large crowd of people in swimwear are dancing along. The song ends and everyone cheers. Phoebe and Chad the DJ, are sitting under a canvas shade shelter holding microphones.] Chad: Give it up for Smash Mouth! Let's here it, come on! Hanging Chad coming back live at the KQSF annual Beach Bash. Winding it up with our special guest, the stunningly, beautiful, Phoebe Halliwell, the Ask Phoebe fame. Okay, so what's your deal? Are you psychic, is that it? Phoebe: I'm sorry? Chad: I mean, you gotta be don't you? Your column has sky rocketed, all the critics rave about how amazingly insightful your advice is. How else do you explain it? Phoebe: I just think I read people really well. Chad: Oh, you do, do you? Can you read me? (The crowd cheers.) Phoebe: I don't know, write a letter and we'll see. Chad: Come on, give it a shot. Crowd: Yeah! Chad: You guys wanna see her do it, dontcha? Crowd: Yeah! (They applaud.) Phoebe: Oh, alright, alright. Ah, what do you want advice on? Chad: Okay, let's see. There's this woman that I like and I'd like to ask her out but I'm afraid she'll say no. What should I do? (Phoebe looks at Chad and thinks.) Phoebe: Well, why don't you just ask me and find out? (Phoebe laughs. The crowd applauses.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Chris is standing back from the Book of Shadows' stand. He is chewing on a pen as he flips the pages with telekinetic powers. He stops at a page that reads Trok Demon and walks closer to the Book of Shadows. He takes the pen out of his mouth and writes something down on a notepad. Suddenly, a portal opens up in the attic and Mist, a Valkyrie walks out of it.] Chris: Hey, are you out of your mind? What are you doing here? Mist: Freyja sent me. She wants to know what's taking so long. Chris: Freyja? You know, for a mythical character she sure does worry a lot. Mist: She's not the only one who's worried. He's an Elder, Chris. How much longer do you really expect us to keep him? Chris: Don't tell me he's complaining. Mist: Yes, a lot, actually. Chris: I don't believe it. Banish the guy to an island filled with beautiful women and he still complains. I can't win. Mist: How much longer? Chris: Until I'm ready. Look, I'm sorry but I haven't finished what I came here to do yet. And I need Leo out of the way until I can. More importantly, the sisters can't find him before I'm ready or else... Mist: I know. We all understand the risks. Chris: I'd never hurt you, Mist. (He moves closer to her.) You know that. Mist: You would if you had to. I know that too. Piper: (from downstairs) Chris, are you up there? Chris: You better go. (They kiss.) Mist: Please... (the portal opens) Hurry. (Mist walks into the portal and it closes. Piper walks in carrying a basket of laundry.) Piper: Hey, do you have any laundry? Chris: Ahh... (He seems distracted.) No. No. I'm good, thanks. I'm gonna get your sisters though. You have another demon to vanquish. Piper: Okey-dokey. (She leaves the room.) [Scene: On the beach. Chad is pouring some juice into a cup at the refreshment table. Phoebe walks up to him.] Phoebe: Hi. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you back there. Chad: Hey, I'm just glad it was only on the radio. Phoebe: I don't know why I answered like that. It was... Chad: Dead on, that's what it was. It's exactly what I was feeling. Nervous about asking you out. Phoebe: Really? You were? Well, then maybe I should ask you out and just take the pressure off. Oh! (laughs) I just don't know what's the matter with me. It's gotta be the heat or something. (Chris orbs in behind a van near by.) Chad: Bayview Cafe, say 1:00? Phoebe: I'll be there. (Chris comes out from behind the van and walks towards Phoebe.) Chris: Phoebe. Phoebe: Chris, what are you doing here? Chad: Um, listen, I gotta get back. Don't be late. Phoebe: I won't be. (Chad walks away. Phoebe raises her eyebrows at Chris.) Chris: Trok Demon, remember? Phoebe: Oh, Chris, get a life. Chris: Come on. Phoebe: Uff. [Scene: Neighbourhood. Paige is running down the sidewalk holding onto five dog leads. She is having trouble controlling the dogs.] Paige: Stop! Stop! Please? (She lets go of the leads and the dogs run down the sidewalk.) Sit! Heal! (She looks around and then orbs out. She orbs back in in front of the dogs.) Stop! (The dogs stop.) I gotta get a real job. (She picks up the leads. Chris orbs in behind her.) Chris: Trok Demon. Paige: What now? Can't you see I'm working? (A bulldog starts humping Paige's leg.) [Cut to the manor. Phoebe's there. Chris and Paige orb in with the five dogs.] Phoebe: Alright, can we get this started because I have to go... (She notices the dogs.) Where did they come from? Paige: He wouldn't let me take them back first. Phoebe: Back? Paige: Yeah, I'm a... dog walker. The temp agency messed up. Chris: Okay, do you guys mind? We have to summon the Trok Demon while he's still on our plane. Piper! Phoebe: Oh, Chris, lighten up. Sending us after all these demons is getting to be a real drag. Paige: Yeah, you're working us like dogs. Chris: I don't see Piper complaining. Phoebe: No, because Piper doesn't complain about anything anymore. Ever since Leo left to become an Elder, all she does is walk around the house all... chipper. Chris: So? Paige: So, it's unusual. What's worse, it's not Piper. (Piper walks down the stairs carrying Wyatt. She's on the phone.) Piper: I'd love to have a play date. Maybe we could call Jenny and she can bring baby Josie. And then I'll bring the juice and maybe bake some muffins and... (She sees the dogs.) Aww, how cute! (She walks into the kitchen.) Phoebe: She's getting worse. Paige: Definitely. Phoebe: (to Chris) Do you have a spell? Chris: Right out of the book. (He hands her a piece of paper.) After you summon him, make sure Piper freezes him. Otherwise you'll never get the spell off. Paige: Here, take these guys to the attic, they'll be fine there. Chris: Wait, me? Paige: Yeah, you. Go. (She hands Chris the leads and the dogs pull him upstairs. Piper walks in all cheery. She's wearing an apron.) Piper: Alrighty, are we ready? Paige: Alrighty. Piper: Phoebe, have I told you how much I love your new 'do. It's fabulous. Phoebe: Very chipper. Okay, let's do this. You take this. (Phoebe hands Paige the spell. Piper grins. Phoebe closes her eyes and concentrates. Suddenly, a two-headed demon with one eye on each head appears.) Piper, freeze him. (Piper blows off one of his heads. He whimpers. Piper giggles.) What did you do that for? Piper: I don't know, I didn't mean to. (The Trok Demon roars and sends the girls flying across the room. They land on the floor. Phoebe grabs the spell.) Phoebe: "From other worlds far and near, let's get him the Trok, out of here." (The Trok Demon bursts into flames and is vanquished. Piper smiles.) Is everybody okay? Piper: Yeah, that was awesome. (Phoebe rolls her eyes.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Living room. Paige walks in with her hand against her shoulder. Chris follows her in.] Paige: What kind of Whitelighter can't heal? Chris: For the record, you can't heal either. Paige: I'm half-whitelighter. How come you didn't tell us about this before we hired you? Chris: Because you didn't hire me. I was assigned by the Elders. (Phoebe walks in carrying a tube of cream.) Phoebe: Any other little surprises you would like the share with us? Chris: No. (Phoebe sits down beside Paige.) Look, I haven't been a Whitelighter very long, okay? And healing, it's big, and takes a little while to learn how to do. (Phoebe dabs some cream on Paige's shoulder.) Phoebe: Great. Student-lighter. Paige: Okay, you could've told us about this like, I don't know, maybe a month ago. Phoebe: Well, I know one thing for sure, we're gonna stop all this demon fighting for a while. Chris: Wait, why? Piper's Voice: Can somebody please fold the towels in the dryer when it's done? Phoebe: That's why. (Piper walks in carrying Wyatt and her purse.) Piper: I put a casserole in the oven, you can check it in about an hour or so. I will be at the club if you need me. Have fun! (Piper leaves.) Phoebe: Oh my god, she is so sad. Paige: Sad? Where are you getting sad from? Chris: How about this. Three more demons, then we can talk about taking a little break. Paige: What, do you have a quota or something? Chris: Look, I've already told you this before. I know from future knowledge that a demon is gonna come after Wyatt. These are all pre-empted strikes. Phoebe: Okay, look, Chris, we like you a lot. But we have been doing this a lot longer than you have. Trust me, you have to pace yourself and you gotta let us have a life. (She looks at her watch.) Ooh, speaking of which, I have to go get ready for my lunch date. (She stands up.) Paige: Oh, I didn't know your boss was back in town. Phoebe: No, it's not with Jason, it's with Chad, the DJ, who I'm not really interested in. Chris: Two demons, how about that? Two. Phoebe: No, Chris. And especially not until we figure out what's wrong with Piper, and more importantly Piper's powers. Paige: I swear, I think Leo did something to her before he left. Phoebe: You know what? I think it's about time we orb him down here and ask him. Chris: I don't think that's possible. Phoebe: Well, then make it possible. Look, even if he doesn't care about Piper as his wife, as an Elder he at the very least should care about what happened to her powers. Chris: I can't. Paige: Yeah, you can. You just go up there and tell him to get his butt down here. Chris: That's not why I can't. Look, I didn't wanna tell you this because I didn't want to worry you two but... Leo's missing. Phoebe: What? Paige: Missing? How long? Chris: Since the last time you saw him. Anyway, the Elders think he's been kidnapped. Phoebe: By whom? [Scene: A war zone. A helicopter flies past. Soldiers pull wounded men onto a jeep. It drives away. One soldier runs towards a burning jeep and gets shot multiple times. He falls to the ground. He lifts his head to see a portal open up in front of him. Mist walks out of the portal.] Soldier: What the... Mist: Shhh. It's alright. You don't have to be afraid. You're one of the chosen few. (The soldier dies and his spirit rises out of his body. The spirit stands up and looks at himself, confused.) Don't worry, I promise you'll understand soon enough. (She removes the lid off a small bottle and the spirit is sucked into it. She puts the lid back on and steps back into the portal.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. There are toddlers there playing with toys. Piper walks over to the bar with Darryl and Sheila following her.] Sheila: You are amazing, Piper. Piper: Sorry? Sheila: I mean, seriously, I don't know how you do it. I mean, I could barely take care of myself when little Darryl was a baby, let alone run a day care. Piper: Well, you know, nobody was using the club during the day anyway and I was running out of room at home with all of Wyatt's play dates. Sheila: Well, I think it's great, really. I mean, especially with everything you're going through. (Darryl and Sheila look at each other.) Piper: What? Darryl: Sheila's just been a little concerned about you lately. You know, with Leo and all. Sheila: I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you. Do you ever even talk to him? Piper: Oh, no, it's probably against the rules. But, you know, no use crying over spilt milk, and besides, you know, I've just got to push ahead for Wyatt. Well, better get these treats to the little ones. (She picks up a tray of snacks.) Um, is Darryl junior staying late? Darryl: Yeah. Sheila: Uh, yeah, yeah. Piper: Super. (Piper walks over to the toddlers.) Hey, guys. Darryl: I gotta get back to the station. (Phoebe and Paige walk in.) Phoebe: Hi, guys. Sheila: Hey. Darryl: Hi. (Phoebe looks at Sheila.) Phoebe: Whoa. What's the matter? Sheila: Sorry? Phoebe: Something's bothering you, I can tell. Paige: Phoebe? Phoebe: What? Oh, sorry. Darryl: So, Piper's doing fine, huh? Phoebe: Yeah, but you don't think she is. Paige: Don't mind her she's just being a little annoying. Um, would you excuse us for a second? Sheila: Yeah, sure. Darryl: Yeah. Sheila: See you later. (Darryl and Sheila leave.) Paige: What is going on with you? Phoebe: I don't know, it's weird. Lately I've just been feeling a lot of weird vibes, I don't know what it is. Paige: Vibes? Check it out, I can really, really only deal with one whacked out sister at a time. Phoebe: Huh, got it. Paige: Piper? (They walk over to Piper.) Piper, you got a minute? Piper: Uh, can't it wait? Phoebe: No, actually, it can't. It's about Leo. Piper: Oh, did he call? Paige: Not exactly. Phoebe: There's no easy way to break this to you so I'm just going to come out and say it. Leo's missing. We just found out that the Elders haven't heard from him since he left us to join them. Piper: Wow. Phoebe: So did he happen to say anything to you the last time you saw him that could potentially help? Piper: No. All I remember him saying is that he was leaving to become an Elder and I wished him good luck. Phoebe: That's it? That was your big goodbye? Piper: Yeah, as far as I can remember. But I wouldn't worry about it too much, he'll turn up sooner or later. Excuse me. (Piper turns back to the babies.) Paige: So much for that shocking her back into reality, huh? Phoebe: Unfortunately, I think only Leo can do that. [Scene: An island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. A beautiful rainforest. Mist walks down a path into a clearing. Men are there training to fight. Some are making weapons. Mist walks past a Valkyrie Trainer.] Valkyrie Trainer: Greetings, Mist. (One of the men training flips in mid-air. He falls on his butt. The Valkyrie Trainer helps him up.) You under rotated. Now watch. (She flips in mid-air and lands on her feet.) [Cut to Mist. She is walking through the rainforest. Two other Valkyries, Freyja and Kara wander out of the shrubs. Freyja, the head Valkyrie, kisses Mist on each cheek.] Freyja: You were gone a while, Mist. I was beginning to worry. Mist: I wanted you to be pleased. (Mist opens the small bottle a releases the soldiers spirit.) Kara: Cute. But can he fight? Mist: Like no other. Freyja: We'll see. Soldier: Am I in heaven? Freyja: Warrior heaven. Until I see how well you go against our champion, anyway. (She blows on the soldier and he becomes corporeal.) [Cut to a cave. A large cage is there. The soldier is thrown into it. A Valkyrie waves her hand and it locks. Six Valkyries including Freyja and Mist sit across the room, watching.] Soldier: What do you want from me? Freyja: We want you to fight. (A man wearing leather armor, a metal helmet and wielding a sword and shield walks into the cage. He kicks up a shield and the soldier catches it. The two men fight. The man slashes the soldier across his stomach and he falls to the ground.) Freyja: He fought well enough. Heal him, get him into training. (They all stand up. One Valkyrie opens the cage and grabs the soldier.) Valkyrie: Come. Man: What about me? (The man tears off his helmet. It's Leo.) Leo: I don't belong here and you know it! Freyja: No? You're an Elder aren't you? You have much to teach my warriors. (Leo looks around at the cage.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Chris is looking out the window. Paige is scrying for Leo on three maps - a map of San Francisco, the world, and the solar system. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Where exactly are you trying to find Leo? Jupiter? Paige: Well, when an Elder gets kidnapped, they're probably not gonna just take him to Chinatown, right? I think everything is game, even the cosmos. Phoebe: Still, I don't see how the crystal's gonna find him. Especially not without something of his to focus it better. (Paige picks up one of Leo's shirts.) Paige: I've got one of his plaid shirts. Phoebe: I was thinking something a little more special than that. Paige: Leo loved those shirts. His entire closet's full of them. (Phoebe suddenly turns to Chris.) Phoebe: What's your problem? (He looks around.) Chris: Huh? Phoebe: You're nervous, I can feel it. Paige: Hm, watch your vibes. (Phoebe walks over to Chris.) Chris: I just think you guys should be focusing on helping Piper, not Leo. Phoebe: Ha, I was right. Paige: Hey, finding Leo could help us with Piper. Chris: Well, then you better find another way because you are not gonna find him. (There's silence.) I mean, you haven't found him yet have you? I'm telling you, you've just got to leave it up to the Elders, alright? Just let it go. Paige: Let it go? He's Wyatt's father. Phoebe: And our brother-in-law. Chris: Ex-brother-in-law. Look, I'm just trying to get you two to focus on your sister here. That's all. Because with her powers messed up, you guys are all at risk. Paige: He's right. Phoebe: I know. But if Leo did do something to block Piper's pain, how do we unblock it without him? (Paige gets an idea.) Paige: A magical laxative. Phoebe: Okay, eww. Paige: But think about it. If we can write a spell to help her remember her pain, I don't know, it could even help us find Leo. (Phoebe picks up the phone and dials a number.) Who are you calling? Spells-R-Us? Phoebe: No, I'm calling the Bayview Cafe. I'm gonna cancel my lunch date with Chad, which I'm already late for. Voice on Phone: Bayview Cafe. Phoebe: Hi, can I speak to Chad Carson please? I was supposed to meet him for... Voice on Phone: Yes, he couldn't make it. Phoebe: What? Voice on Phone: He called and he cancelled. Phoebe: He cancelled? Voice on Phone: Yes. Phoebe: Wait, are you sure? 'Cause he didn't even call... Voice on Phone: He told us to let you know that he's very sorry. (Phoebe hangs up.) Phoebe: Huh! He stood me up. Chris: Wait, weren't you just calling to cancel on him? Phoebe: Yeah, but I called him. That's cancelling. He called the restaurant. That's standing up. (Paige nods in agreement.) Chris: Oh. Phoebe: This doesn't make any sense, I don't understand. He liked me, he really liked me, I felt it. Paige: Well, um, excuse me, it didn't seem like your heart was in it anyway. (Phoebe puts down the phone and heads for the door.) Where are you going? We have a spell to write. Phoebe: And I have a DJ to grill. [Scene: On the beach. KQSF Beach Bash. A man is cooking sausages on a barbeque. He places a sausage on Chad's hot dog bun.] Cook: Here you go, Chad. Chad: Thanks, Billy. (Phoebe walks up to Chad.) Phoebe: Hey, I hear they have hotdogs at the Bayview Cafe. Chad: Phoebe, what are you doing here? Phoebe: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing. Chad: Listen, I can explain. Phoebe: That's good, because that's why I'm here. I was just hoping you could help me understand something that's baffled women since the beginning of time. Why don't men call after they ask us out? And why do they cancel at the last minute and even worse, stand us up. Chad: Look, I'm sorry, but I had something really important come up. (Phoebe gets a vibe.) Phoebe: Are you intimidated by me? Chad: What? Phoebe: Because you weren't intimidated by me when you asked me out. Chad: Hold on, you asked me out, remember? Phoebe: Oh, wait, are you saying that you didn't want me though? Because I know you did, I felt it. Chad: Whoa, wait a minute. (Phoebe gets another vibe.) Phoebe: You don't like successful women. Chad: I gotta go. Phoebe: Wait, are you telling me that everything I've worked so hard for in my life, everything I've fought to achieve makes me less attractive to men? Because if that's what you're saying I just... (A little girl falls off her bike near by and scraps her knee. She starts to cry. Her mother tries to calm her.) Just hurts. It hurts so much. Little Girl: It hurts so much, mummy! Chad: Don't you think you're overreacting just a little? Phoebe: No I don't! (She calms down.) Actually, yeah, I do. Little Girl: It hurts so much, mummy! (Phoebe looks at the little girl and realises something.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is on the phone. The bulldog starts humping her leg.] Paige: Sir, what does it matter when I bring the dogs home? Their owners aren't there, that's why I got the job in the first place. (to the bulldog) Why don't you go hump a dog. Did you ever think of that? (on the phone) No, not you, sir. (The other dogs tear up the attic, pulling things apart and jumping on tables.) Look, you know, when I came to the agency, I really went with the idea that I would be helping, you know, people, not animals. And what I really mean to say is that it's, sir, it is time for me to strike out on my own. Yeah, I'll have the dogs back in an hour. (She hangs up.) Chris: (from downstairs) Piper's home! Paige: Coming! [Cut to downstairs. Chris is carrying a baby in a bassinet. Paige comes down the stairs.] Paige: Hey, who's that? Chris: Ask her. (Chris walks into the conservatory. Piper walks into the hallway.) Piper: Hi, how's it going? Paige: How's it going? Uh, what are you doing? (Piper picks up another baby in a bassinet.) Who's babies are these? Piper: Well, their mummies couldn't pick them up in time so I offered to bring them home for a while. Paige: Oh, you did? Um, what about, you know, Leo? Piper: I don't know, what about him? (They walk into the conservatory where Wyatt and the other baby is in a playpen.) Look, Wyatt, look who's here. Another friend for you to play with. (Chris notices Paige holding onto a piece of paper.) Chris: Is that the memory spell? Paige: Yeah. (Piper puts the second baby in the playpen.) Piper: And she can stay as long as she likes. Chris: Cast it. Paige: "Powers and emotions tide, a witch's heart is where it hides, help her through her agony, bless her with her memory." (A white mist rises out of Piper. She stands up.) Piper? Are you okay? (She turns around.) Piper: I'm sorry, do I know you? (Paige laughs.) Paige: Very funny. (Piper looks at Wyatt.) Piper: Aww, cute. Yours? Paige: No, yours. Piper: Mine? What do you mean? Wait, who am I? What am I doing here? Chris: Great, Paige, you didn't restore her memory, you erased it. Paige: That's impossible, it's a good spell, I know it. Unless it interacted badly with Leo's magic. (A fly buzzes around Piper and she waves her arm around. She accidentally blows up a window. She gasps and the babies cry.) Piper: What happened? How did that happen? Paige: Uh, it's okay, you're gonna be okay. Chris: Just don't point at anything, okay? Just keep your hands down. Like this, okay? Piper: Can somebody please tell me what's going on. Paige: We're gonna tell you that. Just as soon as we know ourselves. (Paige takes Piper into the living room.) Okay, you come in here and you have a seat and, uh, take a load off. And, um, keep those arms down. (She walks back into the conservatory.) Oh my goodness. Okay, don't freak out because magic got us into this and magic'll get us out. (Wyatt cries loudly. Paige looks over at him. Suddenly, the baby's pacifier orbs out of her mouth and orbs into Wyatt's mouth.) Did you see that? Chris: See what? Paige: Wyatt. He orbed his pacifier. Chris: What? Paige: I think I know how to find Leo. Chris: Leo? Will you please forget about Leo. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper is there. Phoebe rushes in all excited. Piper jumps up.] Phoebe: Piper! Hi! You're never gonna believe this. I think I have a new power. It would certainly explain a lot of my weird behaviour lately like why I wanted to date Chad, why my advice has been so amazingly accurate. I know, this is huge, right? Huge. So what's my new power you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Um, do you remember that empath we helped a couple of years ago? That guy that could feel what other people were feeling? (Chris walks in.) Chris: Uh, Phoebe... Phoebe: Just a sec. I think that's what I am now. An empath. I am an empath. That's my new power. Or at least an advancement of my premonition power, I don't know. Chris: Neither does she, I'm afraid. No that is, anything. Paige erased her memory. Piper: Can you blow things up to? (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: Oh, boy. Paige! (She and Chris go into the conservatory where Paige is holding onto Wyatt while scrying.) What did you do to our sister? Oh, you poor dear. You feel awful about it, don't you? I'm so sorry. Paige: Thanks, I think. Chris: That's it? That's all the ass kicking you're gonna go out? You're supposed to be sisters. Phoebe: She's clearly devastated about this. Chris: But you can't let her off the hook. You need enough guilt to get her to fix it. (The crystal points to the Indian Ocean on the map.) Paige: I think I just fixed it. I think we just found Leo. Phoebe: We? (Paige stands up.) Paige: Yep, Wyatt and me. I mean, nothing's more important to Leo than him, right? (She puts Wyatt back in the playpen.) There you go, big boy. Let's go. Chris: Go? Go where? It's pointing to the middle of the Indian Ocean. Paige: There must be something there, I trust Wyatt. Chris: No, this is crazy. Phoebe: Chris, she's feeling really strongly about this. (Phoebe stands beside Paige and Paige puts her arm around her.) I have a new power. I'll explain on the way. Paige: (to Chris) Oh, hey, can you take the dogs back for me? The addresses are in the book. Chris: No, there's no way. (Paige orbs out with Phoebe. Chris kicks one of Wyatt's toys across the room. Wyatt's force field appears around himself.) If anyone should be protecting themselves, it's me from you. (Piper walks in and looks at a cabinet. She sees her and Leo's wedding photo.) [Cut to an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Phoebe and Paige are walking down a path in the rainforest.] Paige: It's so beautiful here, it's like paradise. But why isn't it on the map? Phoebe: They obviously don't want anyone to know it exists. Like the island has some sort of magical camouflage or something. Paige: That's a hell of a lot of magic. Male Voice: Over there. (Phoebe and Paige hide in the bushes. Three men run down the path, past where Phoebe and Paige are hidden. Once gone, Phoebe and Paige come out of the bushes.) Paige: That was close, I hope they're not looking for us. (Phoebe gets a vibe and pushes Paige on the ground. She rolls on top of Paige and pushes her elbow on Paige's throat.) Are you out of your mind? (Phoebe gets out of her vibe and helps Paige stand up. Paige coughs.) I know you're upset about the memory spell, but this is ridiculous. Phoebe: I'm so sorry. I must have tapped into what they were feeling. Paige: Okay, well let them kill me, not you. Let's go look for Leo. [Cut to the cave. Phoebe and Paige walk in and look around.] Paige: Anything? (Leo races into the cage.) Leo: Phoebe, Paige. Phoebe: Leo! Oh my god. Paige: I can't believe it. Leo: I can't tell you how good it is to see you guys. Hey, you cut your hair. Phoebe: (happily) Yeah, yeah, you like it? Paige: Hello, people. Phoebe: Oh. Paige: What are you doing in here anyway? Leo: Somebody put me here, that's what. (Two Valkyries run in.) Watch out! (The girls turn around and the Valkyries fling them across the room with telekinetic powers. The Valkyries run over to them and they start fighting. The Valkyries hold Paige and Phoebe up against the wall by their necks. Leo grabs two swords and throws them at the Valkyries, stabbing them in the back. They fall to the ground.) Phoebe: Oh, oh, thank you. (They go back over to Leo.) Paige: Wow, Leo, I didn't know you had it in you. Leo: I've changed. You need to get out of here before the other Valkyries find you. If you orbed in here, they've already been alerted, believe me. Phoebe: Valkyries? Who are they and what do they want with you? Leo: You can't orb out from here, it's protected. (They hear voices.) You need to get out of here now. Go, run! Phoebe: We'll be back. (Phoebe and Paige run out of the cage and orb out. The Valkyries run in and see the two other Valkyries dead. They look at Leo.) Leo: I told you, I don't belong here. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Dining Room. Phoebe, Paige, Chris and the bulldog are there. Paige is looking through the Book of Shadows.] Chris: You could have been killed, you know that? Huh? What were you thinking? Paige: We were thinking of finding Leo, which we actually did if that matters to you. Phoebe: What was up with that skirt he was wearing? Paige: At least the skirt wasn't plaid. (Phoebe laughs.) Chris: I don't believe this. It's like neither of you guys are taking this very seriously. (The bulldog barks at Chris.) Hey, do you mind? Paige: Well, I can't help it if he doesn't like you. Hey, you were supposed to take him back home anyway. Chris: I tried but the owners weren't there. Besides, the dog, he's not my job, he's yours. Paige: I know, don't remind me. (The dog growls.) Hey, Oscar, lay down. (Oscar walks over and lays down beside Paige.) Phoebe: Aw, look, Paige, I think he likes you. Paige: Yeah, great, don't tell me you can read his feelings now too. Phoebe: No, but if I start licking your toes, run. Where's Piper? Chris: I put her in her room hoping that it might jog her memory. Since nobody else seems to be trying to. (Paige finds the Valkyries in the Book of Shadows.) Paige: Here it is. "Valkyries. A powerful race of demigoddesses who scout the battle grounds for dying warriors." Phoebe: "Then take their souls to Valhalla where they prepare them for the final world battle." Paige: Valkyries, huh? Phoebe: Does that mean they're good? Paige: How can they be good if they've got Leo? Phoebe: And how did they even get Leo? He's not a dying warrior, he's an Elder. Chris: Look, why don't you guys concentrate on helping Piper and I'm gonna go fill in the Elders and see what they wanna do. Phoebe: But Chris, we don't have time for that. We have to go back for Leo now. Chris: Why? It doesn't sound like he's in any sort of trouble. Paige: He's only stuck in a cage. Phoebe: They tried to kill us when we tried to save him. Chris: My point exactly. It's too dangerous, you're not going back. Phoebe: Wait, let me get this straight. Are you telling me that you'd rather just let Leo rot there? Is that what you're saying? Chris: No, but... Paige: He needs our help. Phoebe: Not to mention, he may be the only way we have to save Piper. (Chris sighs.) Chris: You can't orb into Valhalla undetected. The only way to get there safely is with a Valkyries pendant. But that still won't get you close enough to Leo. He's too well guarded now. Paige: How do you know all this? Chris: I've crossed paths with Valkyries before. In the future. Anyway, I can get you the pendants but the only way to get close to Leo is by proving to the Valkyries you're one of them. Phoebe: How are we supposed to do that? Chris: Easy. Just arrive with a warrior's soul. Paige: Oh! Easy. Phoebe: Where are we supposed to find a warrior's soul? Chris: Beats me. (Chris orbs out.) [Scene: Sewer. A cop is shot. He falls to the ground. The shooter runs out. A portal opens and a Valkyrie walks out of it.] Leysa: It's alright, you don't have to be afraid. You're a brave warrior. I'll take care of you. (Chris orbs in.) Chris: I don't think so, Leysa. Not this time. Leysa: What are you doing here? Chris: My plans have changed unfortunately. The witches, they found Leo sooner than I would have liked. Leysa: That's not my problem. We kept our end of the deal. Chris: I know. And I'm forever grateful. But I can't risk them finding out what I'm up to. I'm truly sorry. (He tightens his fist and Leysa gasps. She grabs her chest and falls to the floor. Chris walks over to her and takes her necklace.) Forgive me. (Leysa vanishes. Chris kneels beside the wounded cop. He lifts his arm and hesitates. He takes the cop's radio.) Officer down. Eighth avenue sewer, we need an ambulance. [Scene: Alley. Darryl leads a criminal out of a building into the alley.] Criminal: You ain't got nothin' on me. Darryl: Shut up. (He take him over to the car.) Get in there. (Phoebe and Paige orb in near by and waves him over.) Wait here. Criminal: Yeah, like I'm going anywhere. (Darryl shuts the door and goes over to the girls.) Darryl: Are you out of your mind? What are you doing here? (He leads them further down the alley.) Phoebe: Darryl, we need your help. Darryl: Does this have anything to do with you asking Sheila to watch Wyatt? She just called. Phoebe: Yes, actually. But we don't have a lot of time. It's about Leo. Darryl: You found him? Paige: Actually, yeah, we did. Phoebe: And we need your help to save him. Darryl: Sure, you know that, just ask, anything. Phoebe: Great! We just need to borrow your soul for a couple of hours. Paige: Yeah, we'll get it right back. Phoebe: It's perfectly safe, really. You're body will just slip into a coma and as long as we get your soul back in time... Paige: Which we will. Phoebe: You'll be fine. Just a little headache, that's all. What do you say? (Silence.) Darryl: You're serious, aren't you? Phoebe: Please, Darryl, it's the only way we can save Leo. Darryl: No! I ain't doing it. Phoebe: Darryl, please. Darryl: No, absolutely not! Listen, I love Leo like a brother but you know, there's a limit to what you ask me to do. (He turns and walks off mumbling to himself. Paige throws a potion at him and his body drops to the ground, leaving just his soul walking along.) Paige: Uh, Darryl? Darryl: What? (He turns around. Paige points to his body on the ground.) Darryl: Oh. That's just great. (Phoebe opens a small bottle and his soul gets sucked into it. She puts on the lid.) Phoebe: I hope this works. [Cut to the manor. Living room. Piper and Chris are there. ] Chris: Just remember everything I told you and you'll be fine, okay? (He places the Valkyrie's necklace around Piper's neck and it glows. She turns into a Valkyrie herself and is now wearing a leather skirt and sleeveless top. Phoebe and Paige orb in.) Phoebe: Okay, we got the... Oh my god, what did you do to Piper? Chris: I turned her into a Valkyrie. And convinced her she's one too. Actually, it wasn't that hard really, considering the fact that her mind is basically a blank. Paige: But why? Chris: Because you might need the power of three to get Leo out of Valhalla and this is the only way you'll get her in Valhalla. Phoebe: Well, if Piper ever gets her memory back, she's gonna kill you. Chris: Why? Phoebe: Because she hates wearing those costumes as much as we do. Paige: Mm-hmm. Chris: Yeah, well, in that case, you're gonna kill me too. (He holds out two more Valkyrie necklaces. Paige's eyes widen.) [Cut to Valhalla. Rainforest path. A portal opens and Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk out all wearing Valkyrie outfits.] [Cut to the cave. The Valkyries are there. Two pull out a warrior from the cage. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk in.] Kara: Can I help you? Phoebe: We've brought you a warrior. Kara: Warrior? Phoebe: Is there a problem? Freyja: How come I don't recognise you? (Piper steps forward.) Piper: Perhaps you'll recognise this. A warrior's spirit worthy of Valhalla. (She opens the bottle and Darryl's spirit escapes from it.) Freyja: Well done. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Valhalla. Cave. Darryl, now corporeal, is thrown into the cage, along with a shield and sword. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are sitting near by. A man offers them some fruit but Phoebe shakes her head.] Paige: Not a bad afterlife if you ask me. (Darryl looks at the girls.) Phoebe: You're doing great, honey. (Leo walks into the cage with the helmet on. He sees Darryl and looks at the girls. Paige waves.) Paige: Okay, I know how we're gonna save Leo but how are we gonna save Morris? Phoebe: I have know idea, that's why they call it winging it. Piper: What are you two talking about? Phoebe: Nothing. (Leo and Darryl walk around the cage.) Freyja: What are you waiting for? Attack! (Darryl attacks Leo and knocks off his helmet.) Piper: Leo? Paige: What are we gonna do? Phoebe: It's Piper. Her pain is back, do something. Paige: Uh, kill him! (Leo kicks Darryl and he falls flat on his back. Leo jumps on him and they roll around the floor.) Leo: Take the fall. Darryl: What fall? (Leo head butts Darryl.) Leo: Stay down. (Leo stands up and raises his arms.) Yeah! (The Valkyries are disappointed.) Piper: What is he doing here? What are we doing here? Paige: Piper, shh! (Phoebe feels her pain.) Phoebe: Ow. Do something. (Paige stands up.) Paige: We just wanted to apologise for sending you such a weak warrior. We can get rid of him for you. Mist: Get rid of him? Paige: Yeah. You know, like send his spirit onto the hereafter or something. Freyja: Very well. (The Valkyries go their separate ways. Piper goes up to the cage.) Piper: You left me, didn't you? Phoebe: Potion, potion. (Paige throws a potion at the door and it opens.) We gotta get out of here. (Leo helps Darryl up.) [Cut to outside the cave. Leo and Darryl run outside.] Leo: It's clear! (Phoebe, Piper and Paige walk outside. Phoebe doesn't look so good.) Paige: I'll open the portal. Phoebe: Uh! (Phoebe grabs her chest.) Paige: Phoebe. Phoebe: It's Piper. Her heart is breaking. Leo: Piper... Piper: Don't. Stay away from me. Leo: I promise I will explain everything when we get home but right now we need to go. Piper: Home? We don't have a home. You left us. Phoebe: Leo, talk to her! Leo: I didn't have a choice. I became an Elder, it's not something that I wanted, it's something that just happened. Piper: Yes, see I know all of this. Why didn't I remember it? Leo: Because I used my powers so you wouldn't have to. Your anger almost destroyed a city, and then your pain almost destroyed you. I wanted to help you so you wouldn't have to deal with it all at once. Piper: So you took my feelings away? Leo: No, never. I was gonna reverse the spell slowly so you could feel a little more every day but then somebody did to this to me, somebody put me here so I couldn't. I'm sorry. Darryl: Look, I don't wanna rush you two, but we have to go. Paige: I have to second that. (Piper shakes her head and looks at Phoebe. The empath inside Phoebe kicks in.) Phoebe: You b*st*rd. How dare you do this to me. To our son. Paige: Phoebe? Phoebe: We had a life together, a family and you destroyed it, you destroyed me. You left me alone to raise our son by myself. How could you do this? How could you do this! (She yelled it so loudly that the camp near by hears.) How could you! (Phoebe punches Leo in the face twice. She suddenly stops before she can hit him a third time. She looks at Piper.) I don't feel Piper anymore. (They hear voices in the distance.) Paige: We have to go. (Paige touches her necklace and the portal opens.) Phoebe: Come on, Piper, we've gotta go. Piper: Go? Go where? Paige: Home, hurry. (The warriors run down the path.) Phoebe: We gotta leave her. Come on. (Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Darryl run into the portal leaving Piper behind. Three warriors run in after them. The portal closes. Freyja, Mist and Valkyrie #2 run down the path. They see Piper standing there.) To be continued...

Even though Leo is gone, Piper is in a surprisingly chipper mood, leading Paige to suspect that Leo altered Piper's memory. However, Paige 's spell to restore Piper's memory clashes with Leo's and causes total amnesia. When calling upon Leo for help, Phoebe and Paige discover that he is being held captive on the Island of Valhalla , a mythical place ruled by warrior-maidens known as Valkyries. Phoebe also discovers she is an empath, where she can feel people's emotions, much to the worry of Chris . The Charmed Ones disguise themselves as Valkyries and infiltrate Valhalla to try to rescue Leo. In order for them to get close to him, they must convince the Valkyries that they are one of them. While Phoebe and Paige go to Darryl to borrow his soul, Chris kills a Valkyrie by crushing her heart through his telekinetic power, to possess a Valkyrie's necklace. The sight of Leo causes Piper's pain to come flooding back, prompting her to stay behind on the island to forget the pain while everyone else escapes. Three fallen warriors follow Paige and Phoebe across dimensions to San Francisco and wreak havoc on the city. Phoebe has to control her new power in order to convince Piper that she belongs with her sisters, not the Valkyries. Meanwhile, Paige takes a job as a dog walker and is amazed when one of her dogs is transformed back into a man. Leo later uncovers evidence that Chris had killed two Valkyries, but opts not to use it because Chris had finally earned the Charmed Ones' trust.

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[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie, Joey and Rachel are on the couches] Charlie: (while Joey's giving her a massage) Oh! That feels sooo good! Rachel: (speaking to herself and reading Cosmopolitan) Oh, lucky me! Coffee and a live s*x show! Charlie: I'm sorry, what? Rachel: Oh... Oh, I'm sorry! I'm not... I was just-I was just reading to Emma. Charlie: From... Cosmo?? Rachel: Yeah, yeah... It's... "climax your way to better skin". Charlie: (to Joey) So, I have to go shopping today, which is my least favourite thing, I'm soo bad at picking out clothes! Joey: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good. Rachel: (hiding herself behind the magazine and whispering) Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me! Joey: Oh hey Rach! Rachel: Yeah... Joey: Maybe you could take Charlie shopping. Rachel: Oh, well... Charlie: I'm sure you have better things to do. Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes. Charlie: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help. Rachel: Ok, uh-uh... Let's-Let's shop!! Joey: (to Charlie) Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... (aside to Rachel)... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY! Phoebe: (entering and talking on mobile phone) Ok, great! All right, bye! (she hangs up) Pain in the ass!! (she looks at the others, then back at the phone) That's off, right? Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs? Phoebe: Oh... Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, he's gonna be there. And she was like "Oh, don't worry! I asked him. He's totally ok with seeing you!". So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally ok with seeing him! Rachel: Which you're not, because you've totally hung up on him! Phoebe: Exactly! Rachel: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous! Phoebe: (after a short pause) I didn't even think about that! (pause) Aaargh, sexual politics!! Rachel: Hey Pheebs, I'm-I'm taking Charlie shopping, why don't you come and I'll help you find something. Phoebe: Ok, that'll be great! Joey: Oh, ain't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together. Rachel: That's not what we're gonna do! Joey: Why would you ruin it, who was that hurtin'? Opening credits [Scene: Doctor Connelly's office] Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face! Monica: Oh, I so can't believe this! My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I was trying so hard to be a good hostess! Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!! Doctor Connelly: (entering) Hi there. Chandler: Hi. Monica: Hi. Doctor Connelly: I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your test last week but I wanted to talk to you about your options. Monica: Ok. Doctor Connelly: Above all, even though your chances of conceiving through natural means aren't great, you never know! So, keep having s*x on a regular basis. Chandler: Oh, DAMN IT! (Dr. Connelly glares at Chandler) Monica: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out. Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor. Monica: (long pause) Ok. Doctor Connelly: And, of course, if you feel that neither of those is right for you, you can always adopt. Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment! [Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Charlie on the couch. Rachel enters] Rachel: Hi! Ok, you're ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping? Charlie: Oh, yeah! Let's do it! Joey: (to Charlie) Alright, have a good time. (they kiss) Rachel: Not gonna find any clothes in there! Ross: (entering) Hey, you guys! Rachel: Hi. Ross: Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference? Charlie: Umh... Kurts Baley? Ross: Yeah, right! What was last time he met a submission deadline for an abstract (he and Charlie laugh, then Joey starts laughing too without any reason) Well, why are you laughing? Joey: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah! Charlie: So you're up for keynote speaker! Who's making the decisions? Ross: Professor Sherman, yeah. I've a meeting with him today. Charlie: He's a pretty tough guy to impress. Ross: Yeah, well... I think I know how to dazzle him. Rachel: Oh... you're not gonna do a magic trick, are ya? Ross: Tsz... NO! (he goes to sit down, dropping a multicoloured silk streamer off his sleeve). Chandler: (entering) Hey guys! Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me. Chandler: I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work stuff and/or are sick. Ross: It's in Barbados. Chandler: But you come first! Rachel: I'm there! Charlie: We'll see you, guys! (she goes) Joey: Bye. Rachel: Bye, see ya. (she goes) Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok. Joey: All right, so. How did it go at the fertility clinic? Chandler: Not as much fun as last time. Apparently you only get p0rn if you're giving a sperm sample. Ross: So-so what did the doctor say? Chandler: Well... there's surrogacy, but Monica has dreamt her whole life of carrying a child, she has felt that watching a surrogate would be... too hard for her. Joey: So you're ruling out surrogacy? Chandler: Yeah. Joey: So, I don't have to learn what that means? Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors. Joey: Enough said, I'm there for you man. Where is she, upstairs? Chandler: (stopping Joey) ah-ha! Ross: How do you feel about all this? Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one. Joey: Come on Ross, be a good guy. Step up and do it! Ross: (puzzled) What? (Joey moves close to Ross and whispers something in his ear) Ross: (looking astonished) What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben! [Scene: Professor Sherman's office, Ross is relating to Professor Sherman] Ross: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering. Professor Sherman: Mmm-mm. Ross: (reading from a notepad) I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. (he throws the notepad in the waste bin) So-so what I am saying is - is is that (he picks the notepad back from the waste bin) is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles! (Turns to look at Professor Sherman, only to discover that he is sleeping) Ross: Oh, that's not what you want... [Scene: Shop, Rachel, Charlie and Phoebe walk in] Shop assistant: (to a girl) Incentive For Men? Phoebe: Oh, I'll take some of that. Rachel: Pheebs, that's for men! Phoebe: No, I know, this way when I go to the party later Mike will know I am over him cause I'm gonna smell like another guy. (to the shop assistant) Yeah. (The shop assistant sprays the perfume on Phoebe's neck) Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets! Charlie: (to Rachel) So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be? Rachel: On Melanie Griffith in "Working girl". I think what you want is over here. Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out. Rachel: Really? Charlie: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come? Rachel: Oh, I can't. Because I-I've seen them. Charlie: You've seen all the movies... Rachel: Yeah! I'm a big fan! Of the movies, you know. Motion pictures. The Talkies! Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room? Rachel: Sure! Phoebe: Ok! Charlie: Wha, you know, maybe we can do something else! Rachel: You know that depends on what it is! I've done a lot of stuff. (Phoebe and Rachel go off to the dressing rooms. They enter one and close the curtain.) Phoebe: So what were you doing out there, do you not like Charlie? Rachel: She's ok, I just don't get a really good vibe from her! Phoebe: Why? Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance! Phoebe: Who else? Rachel: Anybody! You, me, you know, Monica's mom... Phoebe: You like Joey? Rachel: Shhhhh! Phoebe! All right, look. I have a little thing for him. Phoebe: (whispering) Oh my God! Rachel: It's just physical and I have it totally under control! Ok? It's just, when I see them together, sometimes I just get a little jealous! Phoebe: Uh, wow! Isn't it ironic that he liked you and now you like him? Rachel: (annoyed) Oh, I get it! Phoebe: Oh well, as long as it is under control, you know, you can't do anything about it, he's already dating her, and she is a nice person, that wouldn't be right. Rachel: I know, I know, so it is just not a big deal. Phoebe: Yeah. Rachel: So can we keep this between us? Phoebe: Sure! Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me! Phoebe: Oh. (Rachel opens the curtains and sees Charlie coming out from the dressing room just next to theirs) Phoebe: Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin? [Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.] Monica: Hi honey! Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work! Monica: Oh, of course, it's so nice to see you again, Zack! Zack: (shaking Monica's hand) You too. Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer. Monica: I got it. Zack: Thanks. Chandler: (to Mon) So, Zack's pretty nice, uh? Monica: Yeah, I guess. Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his! Monica: (turns around and she's quite shocked) Excuse me? Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is "spermtastic"! Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"! Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out. Monica: Chandler! Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go! Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor! Chandler: Ok! Monica: Uh! Chandler: (bringing the beer to Zack) Zack! Zack: Thanks! Do you have a coaster? I don't wanna make a ring. (Monica hears that and is suddenly very interested in Zack) Monica: Tell me about yourself, Zack! [Scene: Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are talking in front of the dressing room] Rachel: Oh, God, do you think she heard? It would be so bad if she heard! Phoebe: Well, maybe she didn't hear! Ok I'm gonna go into that dressing room, you stay in here and I'll talk and see if you can hear me. Rachel: Ok, great! (Phoebe moves in the dressing room from which Charlie went out) Rachel: Oh, thank God I can't hear a word that you're saying! Phoebe: (sticks her head out) I didn't say anything yet! Rachel: (sticks her head out too) Well, get back in there and talk! Phoebe: (goes back in) I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends. Rachel: (comes out again) What!? Phoebe: (comes out too) Well, some things are just hard to say to your face. Rachel: Ok well, I heard that! Which means that she heard it too! Phoebe: Ooh! We have a problem. Rachel: Oh! What are we gonna do? (A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right) Stranger: Just be honest with her. Rachel: Oh my God! Stranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone... Rachel: (yelling at the stranger) Alright! Enough out of you! [Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting on his bed and the phone rings] Joey: Hello? Ross: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there? Joey: No. no... eh... she went shopping with Rachel. Why? What's up? Ross: I'm meeting with professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker... Joey: Oh! How's it going? Ross: It could be better! He, uhm... he fell asleep! Joey: What!? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda! Ross: Barbados. Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job! Ross: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder. Joey: Well, just wake him up! Ross: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job! Joey: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... (pause) no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!? [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartement. Chandler and the guest are in the living room, Monica in the kitchen] Monica: Hey guys! Dinner's ready! Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. (Chandler points him the bathroom) Thanks! Chandler: So what do you think? I want that guys genes for my kid! Those eyes, those cheeckbones! Monica: Ok, there's enthusiastic and there's just plain gay!! Chandler: You don't like him. Monica: I think he is fine! It's just that we don't know anything real about him... we should get more information. Chandler: Alright! Just follow my lead! (Zack comes out of the bathroom. They all sit down at the table.) Zack: You guys have such a great place here. Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family? Zack: Uhm... no. Although I did have an uncle who voted for Ducokus. Chandler: (very seriously) That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack. Zack: (looking very puzzled) Okaaay... so eh... so tell me, how did you guys meet. Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes? Zack: (after a pause, very confused) No... Monica: Eh... Heart Disease, Alzheimers, gout? Zack: You guys don't have people for dinner a lot, huh? Monica: We're just making conversation. (Chandler makes an agreeing-sound) Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny... Chandler: You know what's not funny? Male Pattern Baldness (Monica stretches her neck to look behind Zack's head and then gives Chandler an "ok" sign) Zack: Ok listen, you guys have shown a lot of interest in me tonight and I'm flattered and... and quite frankly a little frightened. Can we just talk about something else? Monica & Chandler: Sure! Alright... Zack: Ravioli's delicious! Chandler: I noticed you were enjoying that Ravioli with a beautiful set of teeth. Did you have braces as a child? Zack: No I didn't. Monica: Yess!! (M & C high-five and Zack looks confused again) Chandler: (Proceeding with his dinner) We're teeth people Zack! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: In the store. Rachel and Phoebe returning from the changing rooms] Rachel: Alright! Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard. Phoebe: Good plan. Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going? Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"! (at which she walks away) Rachel: (to Charlie) Hey, hi! Hey, where've you been? Charlie: Oh! trying on clothes. Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world! Charlie: (smiling) Rachel... I heard you guys whispering. Rachel: Oh God. You did. You heard. Ok, listen, let me explain. Charlie: No! There's nothing to explain. I heard you. Phoebe likes Joey. Rachel: (after a pause) Yeah. Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...? Rachel: Yeah! That's Phoebe. That's Phoebe. You know, she just wants them all! It's like she's a nympho! Charlie: Wow! Rachel: Yeah... Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person. Rachel: (Looks ashamed) I try... [Scene: Prof. Sherman's office. Sherman is still asleep on his chair, blocking the door.] (Ross takes his suitcase and tries to get out but ends up falling on Prof. Sherman's laps, thereby waking him up) Ross: (To the still half asleep Professor) Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you! (hugs him whilst still on his lap) Prof. Sherman: (confused) You're welcome. (Ross hugs him again) [Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the sofa, eating a cookie.] (Phoebe walks in wearing a fancy, revealing dress, and stands before Joey) Joey: (impressed) Wow! You look... (drops the cookie)... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness! Phoebe: Are you sure? Because I'm really dreading going to this party. Joey: Then don't go! Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture. Joey: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk! Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room. (Joey gives Phoebe a thumbs up. Phoebe walks out) [Scene: Outside Central Perk.] Phoebe: David? (David the scientist guy is standing at the news-stand) David: Phoebe! Hi! Phoebe: Oh my God! (they hug) David: Wow, you look unbelievable. Phoebe: Yeah. What-what are you doing here? David: Well, I'm back from Minsk... permanently. Phoebe: What happened? David: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles? Phoebe: Yeah? David: Well, after eight years of research I discovered that it can't be done. Phoebe: Well, it's great that you're back! How are you? David: Good, good, life is good... Phoebe: Good! David: Ah well, I-I'm seeing someone. Phoebe: (disappointed) Oh, good for you. David: She's also a scientist, so she's very smart and pretty and... well, it's actually because of you, really, that we're together, I mean, I saw what you had with that Mike guy, and I just said "Boy, I want that". Phoebe: Mike and I broke up. David: You're kidding me. Because I'm not seeing anybody, I've just totally made that up. Phoebe: Really? David: Yeah, I don't know why, I'm sorry, I guess I just didn't want to lose face. Phoebe: I understand. Yeah. Ok so then ok, so we're both living in New York, not seeing anyone. That's so not like us! David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now? Phoebe: Well... (pause) no. David: Do you wanna get a drink? Phoebe: I'd love to. David: Great. Phoebe: Ok. (they walk away together) David: Do you smell beets? Phoebe: Oh, got it, stay upwind of me. (Charlie and Rachel arrive. They see David and Phoebe leave) Charlie: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with? Rachel: No, that's David. Charlie: There's a third guy? Rachel: (disapprovingly) Tip of the iceberg. [Cut to Monica and Chandler's] Zack: I'm gonna take off now. You're gonna let me go home, aren't you? Chandler: You sure you don't wanna stick around a little longer? Zack: No, no, I should get home, I'm kinda tired. Chandler: Are you just tired now or are you always tired, 'cause that could be a sign of clinical depression. Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow. Chandler: Ok. (Zack leaves) Chandler: I think we've found our sperm! Monica: Does seem pretty perfect. Chandler: Yeah, you think so, well? Should I ask him? Monica: (pause) No. Chandler: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway! Monica: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you. Chandler: Yeah, he's better! Monica: No, he's not. And if I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by... him or anyone else. Chandler: Really? Are you sure? Monica: Yeah, I'm sure. Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm. Monica: That is so sweet. I love you. (they kiss) Chandler: So you know this leaves us with... Monica: Adoption. Chandler: How do you feel about that? Monica: I think I feel ok about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it. Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way. Monica: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt? Chandler: (smiling) Yeah. Monica: (excitedly) Oh my God, we're gonna be parents! Chandler: We are gonna be great parents. Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived. Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking! (they hug) Closing credits [Scene: Zack's office] Chandler: Hey, Zack! Zack: (hardly enthusiastic) Hey Chandler. Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable. Zack: No you didn't. Chandler: Really? Zack: No you did. Chandler: My wife and I have some boundary issues, you know, sometimes we ask inappropriate questions. We're working on it. (Zack's pregnant secretary, Jeanette, walks in) Jeanette: (to Zack) Here are the boards for Friday's pitch (hands him something). Zack: Oh, thank you. (Jeanette walks out) Chandler: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?

After learning they are reproductively incompatible, Chandler and Monica search for a sperm donor. After interviewing a suitable potential candidate, they decide to adopt instead. Phoebe realizes Rachel's feelings for Joey when she and Rachel take Charlie shopping, and Rachel fears Charlie heard that she likes Joey. While getting ready to go to Mike's sister's party, Phoebe meets David, the scientist guy, again. Ross has an interview for a conference in Barbados. Hank Azaria and John Stamos guest star.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x21

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x21_0

Ted (2030): Children, your Aunt Robin was dating Don until recently, but one evening, coming from nowhere... Robin is at Don, sitting on the couch, when Don comes with pancakes. Don: You want to install? Robin: Well... it's a bit early... but... of course, I might consider... I moved here, let me think. Don: I mean, you can install yourself beyond me to sit? Robin: Yeah, that's what I was talking about me too. As I said, let me think. I agree. Don: But... now that you've mentioned... you wanna install? Lily, Marshall, Ted, Barney and Robin are at McLaren's. Lily: You said what? Robin: I thought about it. Barney: You think about it? You hardly know him. In addition, the guy is a draw with a job that is worthless. Robin: We have the same job, Barney. Barney: And we could not be more proud of you, my angel. Lily: It still seems fast. Robin: You're probably right. Ted: You should live with him. Robin: Really? Ted: Yeah, you're happy with him, and i adore you as a roommate, I want you to do what is right for you. Robin: You wanna throw me out because of something with milk? Ted: It's super boring. Flashback Ted closes the fridge having taken a milk carton, but it is empty. Ted: Robin?! He enters the chamber Robin sleeping. He puts the brick in the arms and leaves. End flashback Robin: No. I have a system. I put the empty brick in the fridge to remind us to buy milk. Ted: Why not let the solid brick to remind us not to buy? Barney: All right. As a former... before you embark on anything, I'm meeting this guy. I think it's pretty weird not having yet met. Robin: Bluntly. It's as if someone was orchestrating things for this specific purpose. Okay, but you must promise to behave well. Barney: I promise. Robin presented to Don Barney. Barney: I'm doing this contortionist Portuguese, and I swear... it is so flexible, at a time, it was about me and beneath me. A top and a bottom! One and two! Which is empty? Don: It's good. Robin: And it was Barney. Don: It's not bad. Ted: Actually, I'm not sure. Don: I think it's great. But I pity any woman with self-esteem so low it would go out with him. Ted (2030): Robin had never told Don she was out with Barney. Barney: I appreciate you, Don. Both, we love a good scotch, one likes my stories compelling. And we went out with Robin. Ted (2030): There, he knew it. GENERIC Don: So Barney's your ex and you hang out with him? It makes me uncomfortable. Robin: The'm not, it's as if we had never been together. Barney: In short, the arms of the Erasmus student have dropped and there fell of my swing. Seriously, I have not found a girl who can do that from Robin. Marshall and Lily arrive. Robin: How was your weekend, or any other topic? Lily: Atrocious. Marshall: Terrible. Flashback Lily: Twin beds? I can not sleep in separate beds. We should complain. Marshall: Yeah, you're right, I'll ask for another room. Lily: Yeah, I'll go with you in just a second...... You hit the door. Voice: Maid! Marshall: You can come back later? It takes a nap. Voice: It's time to return the keys. End flashback Marshall: We spent 18 hours. Lily: We missed the full board. Marshall: I lost 5 kg. Don: It's not weird that Robin is still friends with Barney? Ted: It's odd that we all still be friends with Barney. Don: I do not know how to react to the fact that she hangs out with an ex. Ted (2030): Robin had said nothing either to Don about another of his ex. Me. Ted: Trainer with an ex okay, two at a pinch. sh1t, two is even better. Because strawberry... Don: But if you had someone and he hung out with an ex... Ted: Wait, sorry. "It? " Don: He was friends with his ex. Ted: Wait, wait. You think I'm gay? Why you would assume that? Flashback Ted returned to the apartment where Don and Robin are sitting on the couch and watch TV. Robin: Your teacher of calligraphy called... Ted: And? Robin: Your ink arrived. Ted: Yes. Ted, leaving her room: I wanted to ensure that Project Runway is registering. The uniform changed to the Jets? Ted, an apron: I think there will be no creme brulee tonight. My torch to brown is broken. Don: When I found out that your roommate is single, I was a little jealous, but now that I know he's gay, so good. Robin: Ted is not... Ted: But we still house boudoirs and hot dogs. Don: Thank you. Ted is not it? Robin: Ted will not be much there. It follows Cher's tour. End flashback Ted: Think again, Cher made some great concerts. But I'm not gay. Don: Lily, be honest. It's not weird that Robin train with an ex? Lily: Ted and Robin broke up there for years. This is not a problem. Don: Ted? And Robin? Ted: I'm so gay, eh, Donnie? Bartender: An apple martini for gentleman. Ted: Thank you. Don: You're also out with Ted? 4 people you consider your best friends, you've slept with 50% of them. Robin: It's just my friends. Don: But they are also your ex. And you live with one of them.I'm sorry. I have to think about all that. Lily and Marshall are in bed. Marshall, thinking she is hot. It's like putting my leg on a muffler. Lily, thinking: Her toenails are daggers. Marshall, thinking I could do with a sandwich. But we do not eat in bed. Stupid rule! We had ants once... Lily, thinking: Great! And now he falls asleep. Hello, river of slime. Marshall, thinking: My knee itches. I'll just scratch a little. Lily: It should have separate beds. Marshall: Yes, a mini fridge. And separate beds. Lily: a deal! Don joined Barney, Ted and Robin at the bar. Don: I came to apologize to you. I exaggerated. Barney: Well, there you should also apologize. We said some pretty hurtful. Don: Not at all. Barney: That was after you to be part. Robin: Sorry for not having told the truth from the beginning. Don: I acts as a hysteric. It's not offensive, right? Ted: Still not gay. Don: Sorry, I meant you're both important to Robin. How about dinner tomorrow night at home. Ted: It's great. Barney: I can not wait, buddy. Robin: Thank you. Don: You're welcome. They kiss. Robin: So long, guys. Don and Robin out of the bar. Barney: I have to get Robin. Ted: Are you kidding? Barney: I do not know what it is, but I want to get Robin. Ted: I know what it is. You're like... a kid who threw his toys and wants them back as soon as another plays with. Barney: I had perhaps not done playing with. I just left to play with something else for a while. Ted: You ready. Barney: Ready for what? Ted: To read the letter. Ted (2030): Children, I invented the letter to remind me of the reasons for a breakup. I did it for years. Flashback In 1996... Ted: Dear Ted future, never returns with Karen, because it is a pretentious snob. And she has deceived you. Sorry that you discover the way. You see? We laugh now. In 2005... Ted: Dear Ted future, stay away from Natalie. And girls who beat you to the ground for no reason, before a cheering crowd. PS... Check out a shrink to find out why it has you a little excited. In 2008... Ted: Dear genius relations, Stella has left you at the altar, you'll love me maybe more. And you will surely die alone. It's not so sad written in calligraphy. In 2009... Ted (2030): When Barney and Robin have broken in the fall before... Barney: Hanging out with Robin was a huge mistake. Ted: Write it. Barney: What? Ted: Write yourself a letter. That way you will remember the reasons for the break when you miss. Barney: My pleasure. Dear Barney... the future... This ink is too cool. Ted: Right? Barney: You... and Robin... End flashback Barney:... a couple were atrocious. It did not work. You always love Robin, but remember the other women... And above all, the other breast, and all the cool stuff you do with breasts... Y to the head, juggle... squeaker squeaker... I'm a hopeless romantic.And there are drawings of breasts. Ted: Get it? Barney: I understand. I really want it back. Lily and Marshall are sleeping in their beds each. Marshall: Humans are not made to share a bed. s*x and sleep are associated, but these are two different things. Lily: I know. I love you, but I want this new bed is a sanctuary of my sleep and my sleep only. Marshall: Me too. And snacks, but that's all. You know what we should do? Buy a third bed to make love. Lily: A bed for s*x. For hot s*x and bestiality. Marshall: Awesome. That way, each bed will have its uses. Lily: Right. There will be two beds for sleeping, one for s*x, and I thought an ottoman for birthdays. Marshall: Baby, you come to revolutionize modern marriage? Lily: And how. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted, Marshall, Lily and Barney arrive at Don. Don: Do you like sushi? Robin: Don made sushi, it's cool, huh? He learned in Japan. Barney: It's too easy. Ted: Be nice. You want it just because you can not have it. Like saying "Sit wherever you want, except on that chair." You will be so... Barney: My chair! Lily: From spicy tuna? My favorite. Don: I do too. It is more spicy, the better. Barney: Me too, man. More than you, certainly. Instance. Super spicy. I feel bad. Marshall: You will not believe. Don also has twin beds. Lily: We just had. Don: Great. Super. Lily: Wait. This "super" does not look great. Don: My ex and I thought it would be a good idea but they separated. Marshall: But I bet you have no special bed s*x. Don: It yes, with his personal trainer. Barney: This pepper is an ice cube in my mouth. Don: But if Robin decides to move, I bought a giant bed. Robin: I would love. If I move. Don: If you moved in. Don and Robin and Barney kiss between them. Barney: Don Tokyo... You ever do that... in Japan? Wasabi! Ted: Great! Give her milk! Robin: spit, spit! Don: We have more milk. Thank you for the reminder, Robin. Ted and Barney are at the apartment. Ted: Well, I hope you're happy. Barney: I stay on my position. It was bold and romantic. Ted: You were emptied from the top and bottom. Barney: Come on. Did you do stupid stuff to impress Robin. Ted: Yes, but not anymore, because I turned the page. Just like you. Barney: You have not turned the page. You want it as much as me, but you not admit it. Ted: That's ridiculous and I'll tell you why. He fetches a box. Barney: For my biographer? Ted: Concentrate on the letter, ok? At Ted, Robin is the ideal girl for you, but she will not engage. You need someone who wants to settle. So, until Robin is ready for this, it is not for you. I still remember stealing the blue French horn, our first kiss, her eyes when she told me she loved me. And sh1t. I want it back. Ted (2030): So that night, with Barney, we sat down to talk calmly and reasonably to the most deserving Robin. Ted: I stole a blue french horn for her... I was with her for a year.I wanted her to be the mother of my children and spend eternity in his arms. Barney:... I want to sleep with her, at least one last time. She is mine! Ted: It's not for you! And it's not mine, either. It is... to Don. Barney: Okay. We must get rid of him. You know, metaphorically. Ted: Of course. Barney: Or... literally. That's how it starts! I'm afraid, Teddy! Ted: We all talk! Lily and Marshall are still sleeping in separate beds. Lily: I'm worried. I do not want that divorce. Marshall: This is Don. It's not us. Our new way to sleep is only going to get closer. Now, get out of my bed. Lily: We can at least get closer? Marshall: Sure. You spoke of the beds. No, I'm not. Lily: Why? Marshall: I love you more than anything, but you're worse than a kettle. I'm surprised that your pee breaks are not as steam. Lily: You're not perfect either. Between the food and ants. But... I still want to be with you. Marshall: To hit me and slam me all night? I swear, as soon as you fall asleep, it looks like it push you arms. One would think sleeping with an Indian goddess. Lily: We're getting closer? Marshall: You speak of beds yet? Lily: Nope. Marshall: Come here. Ted and Barney are always quarreling about who will be Robin. Barney: Robin Stinson! Ted: Robin Mosby! Barney: Robin Stinson! Ted: Ted Scherbatsky. I would take his name. I do not care. Barney: Okay, wait. What do you say to that? It is being shared?I take up to 40 years and after you can have it. Ted: Who we laugh? It is with Don. We must accept it and move on. Barney: You're right. I go to you... I go to the bathroom. And then I'll break... Robin's phone rings, she picks. Barney: It's BarnExclussif. Robin: BarnExclussif, not quit. I have a double appeal. Ted: It's Teddy Bear. Want some honey? Robin: No. Ted, not quit. I'll remember. Ted is on the other line... and I think he has a problem. Barney: Ted calls you? Indeed, he has a problem. Robin: What's the matter? Ted: There's that you have beautiful hair. Front and back. Barney pat on the back of Ted and pounces on him. Ted: We almost lose control. Barney: It's true. I'm going to leave before something regrettable. Barney crying in the street. Barney: Robin, I love you! Ted joins him. Ted: Species of b*st*rd! I brought the blue French horn! Barney: I brought the blue French horn! Ted has just given me.Sorry, I was there before you. Robin, at the window: Guys, what do you do? Ted: I want you back! Don: Come on, get. Barney: All right! Here we go! You, Me and Ted! Ted: Something to three. Don: Robin and I have to go to work. Sit down watching TV and will be discussed when we come back, okay? Ted: You abandoned easily. Game, set and match! Barney: We won the fingers in the nose... Ted: Where's this great TV? Don: Right there. Robin: Thank you. Don: You're welcome. Good night, guys. Barney: Good night, Dad. Marshall: It was good. Well, you gotta go. Lily: What? Marshall: I'm sorry. It was great and you're great. But, I must get up early, so... Lily: You throw me like that? Marshall: You knew before you start. (Lily gets up to join his bed) Wait. Forget your sweater. Nice try. At Don, Robin comes into the room where Barney and Ted sleep. Robin: The Teddy Bear, BarnExclussif. Barney: Dad? Robin: We get up, fuckers. You remember last night? Barney: Damn, Ted was torn. Embarrassing... Ted: I'm sorry. It is both. We drank and we were stupid, but... We will do everything we can to ensure that Don is part of the group. Robin: Don will not be part of the group. Neither do I. At least for a while. Guys... with Don, it works well. I want to see where it goes. And I could not do it if I continue to hang out with my ex. It will not. I moved in with Don. Lily and Marshall are sleeping entwined. Ted joins Barney in MacLaren's. Barney: So what's going on with Robin? Ted: You were right, she was just angry. It's been four days and not talk to relocate. We must never repeat this kind of sh1t. Barney: I agree. In fact... I even wrote another letter. Dear Barney the future, you think you want to get Robin, thou wilt not true. Let her. Sincerely, Barney's past. Ted: Let me see! Barney: Give me that. Ted: Ps... The top was for Ted. He believed? Fine. Pull yourself together with Robin, but say nothing to Ted because he will still go wrong. And there are still drawings of breasts. Barney: In my defense, the breasts, is not it great? Ted: Too great. Ted uses a bowl of cereal. It takes a milk carton in the fridge but it is empty. Ted: Robin?! He goes into the vacuum chamber... Robin. It remains the blue horn...

When Ted and Barney jeopardize Robin's new relationship by professing their love for her, Robin realizes that she is finally over them. Meanwhile, after spending a weekend sleeping in twin beds, Marshall and Lily decide to get twin beds at home.

fd_Reign_01x04

fd_Reign_01x04_0

(In the courtyard at the castle, people - like Queen Catherine, King Henry, Mary, Queen of Scots and her Ladies in Waiting - are gathered around, watching Francis and Tom s compete against one another in a game of archery.) NOSTRADAMUS: (Speaking to Catherine, who sits between he and King Henry) Who designed the target? CATHERINE: Oh. Who knows? They say it looks like the castle ghost - the girl they blame for every girl or servant that runs off, or goes missing. (Francis and Tom s stand beside one another. Each holding their own bow and several arrows.) FRANCIS: (Speaking to Tom s) Nice shot, Tom s, but the object is to hit the heart. TOM S: Is it? (Francis nods, as Tom s goes to retrieve another arrow. The camera pans in on Mary, Kenna, Greer, Lola and Aylee, as they sit nearby; watching the events unfold) OFFSCREEN VOICE (to Mary, who looks unamused): Is he allowed to take another shot? (Tom s aims his bow and arrow toward the target. This time, he hits the target in precicely the correct place. Looking proud of his accomplishment, he gazes into the crowd - noticing the tension in the air) TOM S (to Francis): Did I take too many shots? FRANCIS: Technically, yes. Shall I take another shot too? TOM S: Take as many shots as you would like. (glancing over at Mary, then back to Francis) You will still lose. (Francis pulls out an arrow, fixes it to his bow and takes a shot - hitting the target just inches from Tom s' last shot. The crowd gives him an applause. Tom s smiles slightly and makes a hand gesture) AYLEE: Does Tom s seem different these last few days? A little more bold? KENNA: More intense? OFFSCREEN VOICE: More *unintelligible* anyway AYLEE: More engaged to Mary, certainly. MARY: Not all the way engaged; not yet. GREER: And how do you feel about that? I detect reservations. MARY: It doesn't matter how I feel. I have to marry who's right for Scotland. AYLEE: How do you feel if Tom s is that man? MARY: I feel that we should remember it's still a secret. At least until King Henry releases me from my engagement to Francis. GREER (laughing): That's no answer. (Mary's uncle - CLOUDE DE GUISE - joins the girls.) CLOUDE DE GUISE (as he reaches his hand for Mary to take): Walk with your uncle. (She takes his hand and they walk away to chat privately) MARY: Almost agreed? (Her annoyance is clear) You and King Henry have been talking for days. What have you been discussing? The weather? CLOUDE DE GUISE: These are tricky matters of state. Your marriage treaty with Portugal does not end our alliance with France. It just changes it. Still... for Henry's approval, there will be conditions. MARY: I will not beg for something I'm not sure I want. CLOUDE DE GUISE: You will beg because Scotland needs this. Portugal's ships will keep the English from raiding our borderland. Henry won't offer the same protection, but he's still a king and kings can't be seen letting allies walk freely from treaties. MARY: But queens can be seen begging release from treaties that go unenforced? CLOUDE DE GUISE: You'll be queen of nothing if you don't make Scotland safe from England - and you can't do that without Portugal's strength, which you can't have without Henry's release to marry Tom s. ACT 2: THE CASTLE (Nostradamus is seen tending to the wounds of Bash, who was gravely injured before he was able to relay Henry's message to the French companies about traveling to Scotland to fight the English.) LOLA (enters the room): Queen Mary is anxious to know how Bash is. NOSTRADAMUS: The wound is closing, but the disease in his blood is speading. If the fever doesn't break by tonight... LOLA (interrupting Nostradamus): He could die. So soon? SEBASTIAN (coming to consciousness): You're scaring the poor girl, Nostradamus. Where's your chivalry? LOLA: Bash... How do you feel? SEBASTIAN: Close to death, apparently, which feels more or less how it sounds. NOSTRADAMUS: You need to rest, Sebastian. SEBASTIAN: What I need is water. Perhaps a little bit more of that lovely *unintelligble* LOLA (smiling widely): I think I can manage that. (Nostradamus brings Sebastian a cup of water, handing it to Lola, who puts the cup to Sebastian's mouth - helping him drink. He takes a few sips before coughing lightly) SEBASTIAN: So, will you run back to Mary with the troubling news; with your other ladies, or will you stay and look death in the face? LOLA: I nursed two of my brothers into the grave... scarlet fever - and I've known other losses too. Not scared of death anymore.. I'm scared of being alone. SEBASTIAN: There's a difference? NOSTRADAMUS: I'm terribly sorry, but this is not helping him rest. SEBASTIAN: Every time I look at her, I feel better. Every time I look at you, I feel worse. The prescription is clear, don't you think? (Nostradamus takes the cup and leaves the room) SEBASTIAN: There's a book of Norse mythology over there. If you wouldn't mind reading that to me... unless, of course, you want to go back to the torment. LOLA: Not at all.. (She flips the book open and looks at some of the pictures) ACT 3: BACK IN THE COURTYARD (Mary has now returned to her seat. Only now, Lola is gone. Kenna, Greer and Aylee still sit nearby. Francis and Tom s continue to shoot arrows at the target) AYLEE (speaking to Mary): So. Is it done? Are you marrying? MARY: The agreement is close, but it's complicated. GREER: Is anything uncomplicated in France? (What looks to be a servant approaches Tom s and Francis, carrying a single rose on a silk pillow. Tom s picks the rose up and carries it over to Mary.) TOM S: Will you accept my favor, Mary, Queen of Scots? (Tom s looks around, noticing that people are whispering) TOM S (to Francis): Have I offended? FRANCIS: Not at all. Please. MARY (reaching for the rose): Thank you, Tom s. I am honored. (After seeing Mary accept the rose from Tom s, Francis storms off. Mary gets out of her seat, lays the rose down on it and follows him) MARY: I'm sorry, that was thoughtless of him to publicly offer his favor FRANCIS: I don't know. I think it was very well thought out, but I don't see the point. He has already won your hand, Hasn't he? MARY: The treaty is almost complete. FRANCIS: So, you're leaving. MARY: Francis, I wanted to tell you FRANCIS: If you mean to tell me you don't want to go, please don't. I'm trying to help. I did everything I could to help Scotland, so you could stay. It was almost enough. If not for one single spy. Someone who's probably here with us right now. MARY: I'm so sorry. (Mary goes to press her hand against Francis' cheek, but he pulls away from her. MEANWHILE: A white haired man approaches King Henry and begins whispering something in his ear.) KENNA: What's he telling King Henry? (Henry looks on disapprovingly, clearly upset over something) KENNA: It's not good news. AYLEE: I hope it's not Bash. (Suddenly Henry sits up. A team of guards go over to apprehend Simon Westbrook ; The English diplomat) SIMON: What is this? Take your hands off of me! I'm Lord Simon Westbrook. I'm the envoy of England! HENRY: You're a murderer and a spy! You slipped word to you country-men that French troops were being sent to Scotland. You caused a slaughter, nearly killing my son! SIMON: That's absurd! I'm a diplomat! I'm here to help keep the peace. HENRY: Then you failed your mission! So your Queen won't mind when I send her your head. Take him away! (The knights do as they are told) SIMON (still resisting imprisonment): Your majesty... you're mstaken.. Let go of me. I've done no such thing. Why would I?! ACT 2: CASTLE (Back in the castle, Mary is upstairs pacing in front of a large, stained glass window) QUEEN CATHERINE: Poor Mary. You feel like the King will never see you. And you're a queen. MARY: I'm glad that my unhappiness brings you such pleasure. QUEEN CATHERINE (somewhat laughing as she speaks): Your unhappiness gives me no pleasure. You're absence, however... MARY (interrupting the Queen): Why do you hate me so? If I'm going to Portugal; why not just say it? You were kind to me when I was young. QUEEN CATHERINE: When I look at you, I see death. I see your country, hanging around my son's neck. I see his men off defending your country; dying.. MARY: If I am such a burden, make the King release me. So I may be Portugal's burden instead. QUEEN CATHERINE: I wish I could, but Henry feels that Scotland has been poached from him. MARY: How can I make the King change his mind? QUEEN CATHERINE: Well, there is one small thing. IN THE THRONE ROOM: (Mary has come to speak with the King about releasing her from her engagement to Francis. After the conversation she just had with Catherine, she bows down to the King as he sits on his throne) MARY: and how may I help France, your majesty? KING HENRY: These English; we keep them at court to help keep peace, but it appears they don't want peace. QUEEN CATHERINE: Their envoy, Simon, was overheard boasting in a local tavern about his role in the ambush -- how he warned his countrymen of our soldier's movements. KING HENRY: The trouble is, to condem a diplomat, we need testimony no nation can question. A witness whose word is unassailable. QUEEN CATHERINE: Instead, we have her. (Catherine brings attention to a young girl also standing in the throne room. The whole room erupts in a audible whisper. Francis approaches Mary to fill her in on the girl's history) FRANCIS (whispering to Mary): She's a prostitute, Mary, but a very brave woman. She came here at great risk to aid the King's justice. MARY: You want me to put my name to her words? FRANCIS: If you don't, the man goes free -- the man who put my brother at death's door. MARY (approaching the girl): What is your name? JUDITH: Judith, uh (she curtsies the Queen), my lady. MARY: and you saw Simon with your own eyes, Judith? JUDITH: Yeah and I heard them call him by name too. He had a fine face and posh clothes and that medallion around his neck. The one with the sun's rays. MARY: The Royal English seal? And you know that this seal means he is a very powerful man and that he could hurt you, but you came forward anyway. Why? JUDITH: I heard how that Englishman talked. He's a heartless man, playing games with other men's lives. MARY (seeming to believe the girl's story, thus turning to face the King): If I sign my name to her statement, will you release me from my engagement to Francis? (Henry nods his head in agreement) MARY: Very well, then. KING HENRY: Notify the executioner. The English spy will lose his head at the *unintelligible* banquet. OUTSIDE THE THRONE ROOM: NOSTRADAMUS: Well it's done? Mary is engaged to Tom s and she's leaving? You've gotten your wish. QUEEN CATHERINE: I never wished for a spy to cause French blood to spill. NOSTRADAMUS: Then, it's unfortunate for you that that spy happened to be Simon. QUEEN CATHERINE: Perhaps he made himself useful so that I would overlook his larger crime. I will not. NOSTRADAMUS: So the end justifies the means? QUEEN CATHERINE: This will save my son's life. Unless you tell me your visions have changed. NOSTRADAMUS: No. If anything, it's the opposite. My dreams are more vivid, more ominous. Mary's presence here will cost you your firstborn. IN MARY'S ROOM: (After Henry officially releases Mary from her engagement to Francis, she immediately went to her room to begin packing her belongings. Her ladies-in-waiting eventually retire to her room wth her) GREER: The engagement's been officially for less than an hour and you're already packing? MARY: I have no choice. We're going to Portugal in two days -- right after the Michaelmas banquet. AYLEE: You're leaving?! What about us? You don't want us to come with you? MARY: Of course I do - More than anything, but you do have a choice! I can't ask you to come with me when none of you expected to live in Portugal. You all moved from Scotland to live here, in France. LOLA: No, Mary. We left to be with you. MARY: So, you'll come with me? (In unison, all of the girls, except for Kenna, say "of course.") MARY: I don't deserve any of you. GREER: You deserve to marry someone you love, or at least like. MARY: Kings and Queens don't have that luxury. IN THE COURTYARD: (An upset Francis is outside, shooting arrows at person etched out of shubbery. Mary comes upon he scene, seeing that he had hit the target several times in the heart) MARY: I wonder whose face you're imagining on that target. A Portuguese, perhaps? (Francis smiles faintly, before reloading his bow with another arrow) FRANCIS: Maybe next time. This time, it's that English envoy. (He arches back to shoot, releasing the arrow, where it makes contact with the dummy's heart) MARY: Simon's lucky you're not the headsman, or he'd be dead already. FRANCIS: I don't know who's lucky anymore. I use to think that we were. The *mumble* we had as children; The time we've had since you've been back at court. Now I feel those days like something sharp in my heart. MARY: Let's not speak of this... (Francis puts down his bow and brings Mary close to him) MARY: I want... I just wish... FRANCIS (interrupting Mary): Mary, we can't. We can't... (Francis looks around, making sure no one is spying on the pair) FRANCIS: The castle. (Mary kisses Francis' hand and begins thinking) MARY: Maybe we can find some other place? At sunset? (Mary releases her grip on Francis and begins to walk away. Meanwhile, it is revealed that someone has indeed been spying; One of Tomas' men. He then goes to report what he witnessed to Tomas) ACT 3: KING'S CHAMBERS THE KING'S CHAMBERS: (Henry hears a knock on the door of his bedroom chambers. He goes to answer it, finding Kenna standing there) HENRY: Kenna KENNA: Your grace (He opens the door further and Kenna walks into the room, smiling at him) HENRY: I was surprised when you were announced, I didn't think... (Before he can finish, she kisses him passionately) HENRY (without looking up or breaking their embrace): You seem different now... more willing. KENNA: I am. HENRY: I wonder why. KENNA: I'm leaving in two days. I want this. (They finally stop kissing for a moment to talk) HENRY: Is that meant to convince you, or me? Are you sure of this? KENNA: Yes, but it's not all I want. I want to stay. HENRY: Stay? Stay as what? You're Mary's lady. If she's gone, what position would you hold at court? KENNA: Well, the position you would give me... as your mistress. Perhaps, in time, I could have more. HENRY: Kenna; I have a mistress. Diane has been with me for half my life. We've had decades together. The heart needs time. KENNA: Mine doesn't and even if it does, I have no time. (Kenna is clearly displeased with how the conversation devolved. Thus, she decides to leave) IN THE INFIRMARY: (Upstairs in the castle, Francis stands over the bed of his sleepy brother, who is still fighting for his life) FRANCIS (speaking to his mother, who enters the room through a loud door): I'm trying to understand how this could happen, but I can't. We're not at war with the English; We were careful to send enough men to discourage their aggression but not, not to threaten them. QUEEN CATHERINE (trying to console Fancis): Which is why you should stop blaming yourself! FRANCIS: I don't blame myself, I blame Simon. My instincts were right and the Portuguese proved it. As soon as the English saw that Scotland had a friend that would defend them, they stopped their attacks. If it weren't for that ambush... QUEEN CATHERINE: Mary would still be yours.. FRANCIS: This is not about my broken heart, mother. QUEEN CATHERINE: No. It's about your good heart. I'm not mocking you Francis, your heart is good; it's good enough to love your b*st*rd brother and to try to love your future wife. If only your father's heart could do that... FRANCIS: If only mine could stop. What if Mary's just moving from one waiting game, to another? QUEEN CATHERINE: Let her go, Francis. You'e worrying over nothing. FRANCIS: You would say that. You can't stand her! My instincts say not to trust Tomas. And they were right before, maybe it's time to stop doubting them. IN THE COURTYARD: (Mary is outside of the castle awaiting sunset when Francis is set to meet her in private) MARY (seeing Francis walk toward her, she breaks out into a smile): I almost thought you weren't coming. FRANCIS: I've been busy. MARY: I know. You've been asking questions about Tomas. It's all over the castle and if I've heard... FRANCIS (interrupting Mary): Tomas will hear too. I don't care. Let him think I'm jealous if he wants to.. as long as he knows he's accountable for how he treats you. I hear he's cruel, to his servants. MARY: Francis; thank you. You don't need to worry. Now come, sit with me. (Mary grabs Francis by the hand and leads him underneath a nearby tree. They sit together) MARY: I've asked my uncle to be sure of my safety in Portugal. He assures me it will be fine. FRANCIS: You need more than your uncle's word. Mary, if anything happens to you, I'll feel responsible. When I couldn't make Scotland safe, I told you to marry this man. MARY: I'm not going into this blindly and I won't let him hurt me. FRANCIS: There are rumors about his scheming; his cruelty. MARY: There are rumors about all royals. You know what they say about you? Half of Europe thinks that you're sickly; and weak; and stunted. FRANCIS: That half-blind portrait artist didn't realize I was sitting in a chair while my sister was standing, and now, half of Europe thinks I'm a dwarf. MARY (laughing): They say Bash got all the good looks and passion, and all you have is tedious... (Before Mary can finish her sentence, Francis stops her with a passionate kiss. He gently pushes Mary down onto a blanket under the tree and they continue kissing, whilst Francis runs his hands all over her body) IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (After her conversation with Francis, she retreats to her room with her ladies in waiting; Greer, Lola, Kenna and Aylee. When they enter the room, all happy and overtly giddy, they are met by Tom s and another gentleman accompanying him) MARY: Tom s... TOM S: Forgive me, Mary. I needed to see you and and I couldn't wait for formalities. I would like to discuss some rules and your ladies should hear them too. MARY: Rules? TOM S: Rules you will live by in Portugal. You seem to believe that until you marry me, we are somehow free. If so, you're mistaken. MARY: My lord, I don't know if I like your tone. TOM S: Do you have whipping boys in Scotland? MARY: Whipping boys? Well, some use them... TOM S: Good. Miguel is now your whipping boy. (Tom s rears back and smacks Miguel very hard across the face) TOM S: That is for the offense of questioning me. MARY (understandably upset): Tom s..please. (Tom s once again plants a large smack on the whipping boy's face) TOM S: That is for interrupting me. (Mary doesn't say another word to him on the subject) TOM S: You are bound by a treaty agreed by your betters: Your Uncle, myself and King Henry. And if you're not impressed by the treaty, maybe you will be by this: My ships made your country safe, but I can remove them as easily as this. (Tom s picks up a glass on a table and drops it onto the ground, causing it to shatter into pieces) TOM S: Whatever freedoms of actions or thought you were given by Francis, forget them. When I am King, I will rule like most Kings: what belongs to my Queen belongs to me. For Miguel's sake, I hope we are clear. Are we? MARY: Yes, My lord. Quite clear. (At this, Miguel and Tom s exit the room) AYLEE: You can't marry him. I beg of you. MARY: Aylee: You heard him, AYLEE: but you're a queen, there must be some other way MARY: If there was any other option, don't you think I would take it? I have to marry Tom s, no matter who he is: no matter my feelings. Because I am a Queen, I have no other option. ACT 4: THE INFIRMARY IN THE INFIRMARY: (Nostradamus puts his hand over Bash's forehead, checking his temperature) NOSTRADAMUS (to Francis): Good news. The fever is broken. FRANCIS (breathing a sigh of relief): Ahh. Thank God. BASH: Ahh. So can I get out? NOSTRADAMUS: I wouldn't recommend it. You're going to live if you don't tear your wound open; if you keep resting; if you take proper care. BASH: If I have to spend one more moment in this bed.. NOSTRADAMUS (cutting Bash off): I'm going to make us both feel better and leave. (Nostradamus does as he said he would; he leaves. As he exits, Francis hands Bash a tin cup) BASH: You promised you'd sneak me some wine, you liar. You look worse than I do. (Bash passes the tin back over to Francis) BASH: It's Tom s, isn't it? Lola told me about your inquiries. FRANCIS: I don't have any proof yet, but everything in me says that he's a monster. There are whispers in court that he murdered his first wife. BASH: If they couldn't find proof in Portugal, how will you find it here? FRANCIS: I don't know yet, but I have to try. I can't let Mary... (Suddenly, Tom s enters the room and interrupts the conversation) TOM S: But you can, and you must. You've been asking questions about me. Did you think I wouldn't know? FRANCIS: No. No, I hoped you would. TOM S: Why? FRANCIS: Because your future wife is a friend of France. Her well-being concerns this country, and always will. TOM S: Is that a threat? If anything happens to Mary, you'll what? FRANCIS: I would hope we won't need to find out. Wouldn't you, as her fiance? TOM S: If anything happens to her, it will be up to me. She's my property now, not yours. No matter how many touches you steal. You'll never be more than the powerless princeling who couldn't even send a few men to defend her country. (At this, Francis launches himself at Tom s, trying to hit him. Bash tries to hold him back.) BASH: Francis, no! (Bash appears to be in great pain, perhaps because he tore open his wound. Francis helps him back to bed) FRANCIS: Sit. (Tom s lets out a little laugh and leaves them alone) FRANCIS: Go ahead; say it. I'm not thinking with my head. BASH: Head, heart, who cares? He is a monster, no matter what the pope chooses to call him; and if you won't kill him, I will. [SCENE_BREAK] ELSEWHERE IN THE CASTLE: (The rest of the residents at court are preparing for the costume ball that's set to take place later that evening. Mary and her ladies gather around, looking through costumes and jewelery) MARY: Well, I would never know there was a costume banquet in an hour from the faces I see. LOLA: How can you be so cheerful, knowing how soon we're leaving? MARY: Should I spend my last hours in France with moping and tears? KENNA (seeing King Heny from across the room): Don't forget pining and regret. (Greer also sees her lover from across the room; the servant who she is embroiled in a tryst with) GREER: Mary's right. What's the matter with us? Why wallow in misery if we have a choice? Why not use the hours we have left to seize some pleasure while we still can? KENNA: Yes. Some pleasure. (Kenna holds a dress up to her body for the others to inspect) KENNA: Or perhaps some spite. MARY: A lovely wood sprite! France will never forget you. KENNA: I hope that they won't. AYLEE (to Greer, who is also looking for a perfect dress to wear): You want to dress up in a footman's livery? Yes. GREER: Why not? But in case I change my mind, I'll take both. IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (In her chambers, Mary is trying on a pair of earrings in the mirror, until she hears some rumblng across the room. She goes to inspect to find a nicknack left among her possessions) MARY (inspecting the trinket): What's this? The royal English seal. (Mary begins thinking about the significance of the find, realizing who left it and why) MARY (to herself and outloud): This is Simon's, isn't it? Why would you want me to have this? IN THE COURTYARD: (Bash has finally got out of his bed and is outside moving his sword around. Finally, Lola approaches him in some sort of an angel costume) LOLA (to Bash): I've been looking for you everywhere. BASH (amused): I know you. I met you in a dream I had about norse gods and goddesses from that book we read. The reality's better. LOLA: Are you sure you should be swinging that sword? You might reopen your wound. BASH: Well, better my sword reopens it than someone else's. (From behind Lola, Bash spots Francis in his costume) BASH: Aha! St. Michael, aren't you? Better be a real sword if you plan to slay Lucifer. FRANCIS: You had to bring up Tom s? LOLA: I don't understand why he changed so quickly. Before Mary said yes, Tom s seemed a whole other person. FRANCIS: He was desperate. He'd been looking for a Queen all over the continent. No doubt to make sure the pope declared him legitimate. Of course he'd put on an act if it got what him he wanted. BASH: Well, he got bloody lucky; didn't he? If I hadn't been ambushed getting those men off to Scotland, Mary wouldn't be marrying him. FRANCIS: Say that again. If our men hadn't been ambushed, then Mary wouldn't need his men, or his marriage proposal. IN THE THRONE ROOM: (As the party kicks off, Simon is sitting, chained up in what appears to be the throne room; watching as people eat, drink and celebrate all around him) MARY (approaching Simon to chat): Simon, I was told I could find you here. SIMON: So you've heard. I'm the entertainment. Or my head is, when it comes off at midnight. (Mary doesn't show even a note of concern for his predicament) SIMON: Try not to look so upset. MARY: Why would I be upset? SIMON: I understand you signed the statement naming me as the spy behind that ambush. I don't suppose you care that I'm innocent? MARY: I might... if I believed it. (Mary is holding the seal she found left for her in her room.) SIMON: Is that my seal stamp? Wondered where that thing went. MARY: Tell me; why is your seal so similar to the royal English seal? SIMON: The Queen is a cousin by marriage. She styles the rose white, we style it red. Why do you ask? MARY: A friend of mine was interested. Thought I might be interested, too. (Tom s has been watching Mary from afar and decides to forcibly end the conversation) TOM S: Mary? Come here, please. (Mary listens to Tom s and begins walking toward him -- covering her face with a mask) MARY: Good evening, my Lord. TOM S: You look like a huntress. MARY: I chose my costume for you. I know that the bow is your favorite weapon. TOM S: My second favorite, but thank you. (Tom s grabs Mary by the arm and pushes her toward him in an aggressive fashion) MARY: Your grip is a little tight, my Lord. TOM S: No tighter than your former fiance's; I'm sure. MARY: I'm sure I don't know what you mean. TOM S: Hey. Must I send for your whipping boy? (Francis grabs Tom s) FRANCIS: Let go of her. (Tom s aggressively pulls away from Francis) TOM S: You've forgotten our talk. Mary is my fiance now. FRANCIS: You came here almost a crown prince, but not quite. You needed a Queen to seal your deal with the pope. And when Mary needed troops sent to her country, you were suddenly there to help, because my men were ambushed... MARY: on a tip from a spy in court -- a spy we assumed was Simon. FRANCIS: When Tomas had a far better motive. (Tom s grabs Mary's arm again) TOM S: If you're accusing the next King of Portugal; I hope you have proof. FRANCIS: We'll have proof soon enough. In the meantime, let go of Mary. (Tom s does let go and he storms off, pushing Bash as he walks by him) FRANCIS: Are you all right? MARY: Yes. You said you'd have proof? Did you mean his valet Miguel? FRANCIS: Tomas could not have acted alone. MARY: He hates his master. I think he'll help us if we can protect him. FRANCIS: We will. I've sent guards to find him. MARY: If Simon is innocent, and the woman whose words I signed my name to lied, she's a pawn in this King's game as much as I am. She might help us, too. Otherwise, If Simon dies wrongly, we will both have war with England. And we can't let that happen. OUTSIDE; IN THE COURT YARD: (As Francis and Bash go to look for proof of his involvement, Lola comes looking for them) LOLA: Miguel wasn't in his chambers, but a footman said he saw him leaving with Tomas, headed for the game trails. BASH: Hunting now? FRANCIS: Tomas must want to kill Miguel before anyone talks to him. (Francis and Bash take off on horseback, in search of Miguel) ACT 5: AT THE COSTUME BALL AT THE COSTUME BALL: (Greer is standing in the main ball room, in a beautiful gown with a mask covering her features. Suddenly, she is approached by the kitchen boy; Leith) LEITH (pulling her aside): Is there anything my Lady wants? GREER: Keep your voice down! You're a kitchen boy. If anyone catches you here, you'll be flogged. LEITH: Did you leave this costume in my room, or didn't you? GREER: Yes, but we have to be discreet. (She guides Leith to a small tree in the corner of the room) GREER (in a hushed tone): My family is depending on me to bring home a title and lands -- to marry someone who's better than me. GREER: Why not just celebrate michaelmas? GREER: What does that even mean? LEITH: Saint Michael. He slewed Lucifer; who sewed vanity, pride and shame, which is why we wear these masks. So on this one day, no one's better than anyone else; We're all the same. (Greer kisses him passiontely) MEANWHILE: ELSEWHERE IN THE KINGDOM (Mary, Francis and Bash have caught up wth Judith; the prostitute who fingered Simon for the attack on French troops) JUDITH: What lies! Why would I? MARY: I'd say for the money to buy that new cloak and those boots, and to get a ride out of town on that vegetable cart. (Mary looks at a bruise on Judith's face) MARY (pointing it out): And for this; to make him stop hitting you. JUDITH: I got that from a patron. MARY: When I signed your statement, you told me that you saw Simon clearly. His face; his clothes; his medallion. What was the color of the rose on his medallion? I'll make it easy for you. Was it red or white? JUDITH: It was white, the seal of the English crown. MARY: Simon's seal is different from England's. His rose is red. JUDITH: Please leave me be. I'm so scared. MARY: The King will have your head for your lies. But he may show you mercy if you tell me who made you lie, and tell me now! JUDITH: He swore he would kill me. MARY: He wasn't lying if he's who I think he is. Just tell me this: Would you know this man if you saw him again? MARY (to the knights that are accompanying her): Get her on a horse. We don't have much time. ELSEWHERE: IN THE WOODS (Tom s and Miguel are galavanting off into the woods, with Tom s asking questions to ensure they covered their tracks) TOM S: And you made sure the prostitute left the village? MIGUEL: I gave her the extra gold, like you said. I told her to leave today, or you would visit her again. TOM S: Good. You've served me well, Miguel. I'll always remember. I'll make sure your family remembers, too. MIGUEL: My family? TOM S: Well, you understand you can't serve me while you still live. MIGUEL: My Lord, please! TOM S: It's not "My Lord" anymore. It's "Your Majesty," because, thanks to you, I'm going to be a King. (Tom s draws an arrow and points it in Miguel's direction, only to be interrupted by Bash and Francis) FRANCIS: No! Run, Miguel! (Tom s decides to send the arrow toward Francis, before changing his mind and shooting Miguel in the back as he tries to flee. The arrow pierces his skin, causing him to fall facefirst onto the ground. He then reloads, but before he can, Bash pulls a sword on him, aiming at his throat) FRANCIS (to Bash): Don't kill him. We need his confession. BASH: I'm trying very hard not to. (Francis rushes over to an injured Miguel, trying to help him) FRANCIS: Miguel! You're alive. Don't worry, we can get this arrow out. MIGUEL (nodding toward Tom s): I'm afraid of him. (With that, Tom s pushes the sword away from Bash and they begin fighting with their swords. Meanwhile, Francis aims an arrow Tom s' way, but he has difficultes pinning down a moving target. Tom s manages to knock the sword from Bash's hands, knocking him onto the ground. As he goes to kill him, Francis rushes over and they begin fighting) TOM S (to Francis): You're going to lose. You never learned how to take, like a b*st*rd learns. Take a crown, take a woman, take a life! (Tom s pushes Francis into a tree and aims an arrow at him, but before he can send it spiraling toward Francis, Bash gets up and attacks him. Francis eventually holds a knife against his throat) TOM S: You can't do it! If you kill me, you'll have war. But if you let me go with Mary, you'll have peace. FRANCIS: When they take off your head, I'll remember the men you killed. And Mary. (Tom s goes to stab Francis, but before he can, Francis stabs him in the heart -- killing him) FRANCIS (to Bash): Can you ride? We need to get back before they execute Simon. BASH: Killing isn't supposed to be easy. If your hands weren't shaking, you'd be him. ACT 6: CASTLE (Back at the ball, Mary and her ladies wait anxiously on Francis and Bash's return, as the spy will soon be excuted without proof that he is innocent) AYLEE (noticing that the King, Queen and their executioner have arrived): What's going on? LOLA: It's time for Simon's head to come off. AYLEE: Where's Mary? LOLA: Where's Francis and Bash? KENNA: They're going to be too late. (Kenna looks around the room and quietly leaves the rest of her friends to go speak with the King) KENNA: Your Grace. I'm begging you, please wait for your sons to return. They think they can prove Simon innocent. KING HENRY: So I've been told.But if I let justice wait for every last effort to prove a man innocent, there'd be no justice. KENNA: Is that what the Queen says? KING HENRY: No. The Queen says waiting makes me look weak, like less of a King. And she says it to everyone. KENNA: If anything, I think it makes you look more like a King. Wise; and fair; and strong -- a King we can believe in. KING HENRY (noticing that Kenna put on an overcoat): You finally covered yourself up. I couldn't think straight, seeing you before. KENNA: I hope that thinking straight helps you make the right choice, and wait. KING HENRY: Before. When you said your heart didn't have to wait...that was brave. Most people; especially here, they keep their hearts hidden. KENNA: Foolish, is more like it, but thank you. If we do leave tomorrow, I don't mind you knowing that I'll think of you. (Kenna goes to leave, but the King continues talking) KING HENRY: Maybe Maybe foolish is something else. Maybe foolish is Diane endlessly shopping in Paris, leaving your King with no one to share his burdens. Maybe foolish is the Queen endlessly undermining your King's authority. Maybe foolish is not baring one's heart. KENNA: What are you saying? KING HENRY: I want you to stay. Whatever that means for Diane or Catherine. I want you, kenna. (Suddenly, Bash and Francis arrive dragging the body of Tom s with them) FRANCIS: Make way! This is your spy. We have witnesses. (Mary enters with Miguel and Judith) MARY: Two of them. (Simon exhales a sigh of relief upon realizing that his life has been spared) LATER ON: (After the earlier events with Tom s, the King and Queen attempt to make things right with Simon and his country) KING HENRY: Lord Westbrook, are you pleased that England has made you their new envoy to Portugal? FRANCIS (whispering to Bash): He's pleased Portugal paid him a King's ransom to stay quiet about what Tom s did to him. SIMON: Well, with respect, I'm pleased to be leaving here alive, Majesty. QUEEN CATHERINE: Please thank Portugal's King for the sacrifice of his son Tomas, who gave his life to protect our son from a stag's horns while hunting. KING HENRY: As to The Vile Rumors. Tomas plotted against France, tell the King we will ignore them if he will accept our sentiments. SIMON: Since Portugal's King had no knowledge of any plot, I'm confident he will accept. The matter will be forgotten by all of us. And history, too, no doubt. SIMON (approaching Queen Mary): You surprised me, Majesty. Most royals won't admit a mistake, let alone save a man's life to fix it. MARY: Well, I hope that saving your life wasn't my second mistake. (After ending the conversation with Simon, Mary kneels in front of the King and Queen) KING HENRY: Mary, Queen of Scots, France is pleased to reinstate our marriage treaty with your country. As soon as negotiations... MARY (interrupting the King): Thank you, Your Grace. Scotland is pleased as well. Especially since, this time, you and my uncle will be allowing me to guide negotiations. QUEEN CATHERINE (mumbling exasperatedly): For God's sake. KING HENRY: Mary, I don't think... MARY (interrupting him again): In the view of the role Scotland played in resolving your troubles with Portugal, and in preventing the wrongful execution of a diplomat, we not only staved off war with England, but also spared our ally, France, considerable embarrassment. Which is why I am sure you will want to improve the terms, committing enough strength to keep your ally safe against England. KING HENRY: Yes. Of course. Let's continue. (Speaking to someone off camera) As to the matter of lands for your dowry, there is Scottish crown property which France finds of interest. (Mary gestures toward a book, which Greer brings over to her) IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: LOLA: Well done, Mary. You got practically everything Scotland wanted. Soldiers and ships and armaments. MARY: Well, they got a few things, too. Our best timber, some farmland. But give it a few days, and we will have a far better treaty than before. (Francis knocks on the door and enters the room) FRANCIS: Am I interrupting? IN THE KING'S CHAMBERS: (Kenna knocks on the King's door) KING HENRY (answerng it): You. (He pulls Kenna into the room) KING HENRY: You have tormented me long enough with waiting. KENNA: I completely agree. (They embrace and start kissing. Henry picks Kenna up in his arms and carries her to the bed) KING HENRY: That's the kind of talk I like to hear from my mistress. KENNA: I like it here. It's very nice. KING HENRY: Well, I like it here. KENNA: Be gentle. KING HENRY: I will. The first time. (She rolls over on her side and Henry undresses her) MARY: You killed a man to protect me. I'm not really sure what to say to that. FRANICS: "Thank you"? MARY: "Thank you" doesn't cover it. You were right. Your heart was right. I suppose you always were. FRANCIS: How so? MARY: It told you to take your time, be careful, make the right choice for France. And even last night, when we were so desperate to lose ourselves, you understood -- why it couldn't go too far. FRANCIS: You know what my heart says now? It says that I should forget about politics and be with you, no matter what. You're a true Queen; a Queen that any King would kill for. MARY: But your head says differently. I understand. Your instincts were right. They'll make you a great King someday. (Francis and Mary walk out to the balcony and watch the darkness paint the sky ouside of the castle) IN THE TUNNELS: (Mary takes Simon's seal into the tunnels and sits it down) MARY: Clarissa? I don't know if you're there, but thank you. You saved Simon's life and I suppose you saved mine. I used to feel so alone here. I don't anymore. And I hope you don't, either. (As Mary leaves the tunnels and goes to bed, we see Clarissa doing the same)

Simon Westbrook is arrested for causing the deaths of the French troops, based on the testimony of a prostitute who claims she saw him bragging about it. Prince Tomas shows his true colours to Queen Mary by threatening her and hitting a whipping boy when she talks back to him. After receiving a hint from Clarissa, Queen Mary, Prince Francis and Bash realize that Prince Tomas had the most to gain by warning the English. She questions the prostitute, who admits she was paid for her testimony. Prince Francis and Bash find Prince Tomas when he's about to kill his whipping boy to cover his tracks in the plot; a fight ensues and Prince Francis kills Prince Tomas. Queen Mary, Prince Francis, and Bash return to court in time to prevent Simon's execution. Henry and Catherine, with the King of Portugal's agreement, agree to cover up Tomas's treachery - the official story is that his death was an accident. Simon leaves France as the new English envoy to Portugal. Due to her role in protecting France's ties with Portugal, Mary is able to reopen negotiations for her marriage to Prince Francis, this time pressuring King Henry and Queen Catherine for better terms for herself and Scotland.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_04x02

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_04x02_0

At the car lot, Paige is pouring water on a car Paige: I christen thee... what's your new baby's name Spin? Craig: Sparky? Looks like a Sparky. Herbie? Thomas? Spinner: The Love Mobile. That's what this is, it's our love mobile. (He and Paige kiss.) Craig: And you're calling me a dork? Joey: Hey you don't own that quite yet. Spinner: $2700 for 386 miserable hours of waiting tables. Joey: Congratulations. (Joey hands Spinner the keys and he and Paige are shown driving around town.) Spinner: Wicked, wicked, wicked day. Okay tonight I am taking you to the drive-in. Load up the car with some blankets, some slow jams of love. (They kiss as a cop pulls up behind them.) Paige: Mm breath spray for you. Spinner: Holy crap on a stick. Paige: Oh my god I told you, you were speeding. Spinner: What do I do? (The cop knocks on his window and Spinner rolls it down.) Spinner: Uh nice day, huh officer? Police officer: Lovely. I'm looking for Paige Michalchuk at this address. Paige: Michalchuk. Um I'm Paige. (He hands her a letter.) Paige: Notice to appear? Police officer: You pressed charges in a sexual assault case in 2002. Paige: Wow. Um really, now? At the drive-in (Paige screams while watching the horror movie.) Paige: Ew! Cuddles please! (Paige and Marco cuddle together and scream at another scary part.) Marco: I hate zombie movies! Didn't I tell you?! Paige: Oh they're totally devouring that chick. Gross. Spinner: I can't even see. Paige: Okay well it's more than we shorties could see if we were stuck behind you, bebe. Spinner: Yeah, but it's my car. Paige: Ew. Okay enough with the creepy un-dead wrestlers. Who needs more corn? Marco: This movie sure doesn't. Spinner: Uh yeah I'll come with you. (He turns to Jimmy and Hazel who are making out.) Spinner: Uh you guys need anything? You know keep up your energy? More fluids? Guys? Huh? Paige: Oh I want to get more of those sour things too. Who cares about carbs? (As Spinner tries to kiss her something gross happens in the movie.) Paige: Ew! Wow um romantic... and since I'm as hungry as Paris Hilton looks. (Paige pulls Marco out from the car.) Paige: Come on. There is no way you're surviving the sludge eating fest on your own love. Marco: Did you see how those veins were dangling from those severed heads?! Paige: I was distracted by her huge silicone investments. (Spinner shakes his head and walks away.) Outside at Marco's van, unpacking Dylan's stuff Marco: It's the heaviest box in the world. Dylan: Don't make me laugh. I'll drop this on your toe! Come here. (Dylan takes Marco's hand and kisses him.) Marco: What was that for?! Dylan: For being so darn cute. For helping me move. For borrowing your dad's van. Paige: For telling your dad a fantastic lie about who needed to borrow it. Um all I know is that you owe us Dylan for making us do this on labor day, the official funeral of summer vacation. Dylan: Well consider me your living, breathing VIP pass to every dorm party this year. Marco: And the first one in oh, only 54 hours! Paige: Grade 11 with dorm parties. Having cake, eating cake too and uh won't you be the life of my all year party Mr. Pouty. Spinner: Yeah like you'd wanna party with me! Paige: Okay what's the problem? Spinner: You're my girlfriend. That's my problem. Paige: Spinner! Spinner: We're always with 3 thousand people and if we're not, you invite them. Paige: Um Dylan's moving and Marco's his boyfriend. They have to be here. Spinner: We're never alone, okay? You make me feel like some kind of leopard. Paige: Leper. The word is leper. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. It won't always be like this. Spinner: Really? Paige: It'll change. Once that stupid trial is finally over. I promise. Dylan: Lovebirds! I need someone to help me with my wardrobe and I need someone to go to Mrs. Vanelli's to get our pizza. Paige: I got the pizza. Marco: How many boxes are left? Dylan: Oh 25... (Paige is walking in the park holding a pizza box and she sees Dean with a few people showing off his car.) [Flashbacks to the night of the party with Paige and Dean in the bedroom] Dean: Hey! Paige: Don't. Dean: Wait Paige! I'm not stalking you. We're in a public park. There's people everywhere. Can we talk? Just one minute? (Paige keeps walking.) Dean: So court, huh? Paige: I'm not supposed to talk to you. Dean: It's gonna be really horrible going through it all. Your parents hearing the details. My girlfriend, your boyfriend. It was a really long time ago. I'm sorry. I should have listened. It was a huge mistake. If I could go back- Paige: Do you have a point? Dean: Why go through this? You could tell them you don't want to testify. Skip it. It'd be that easy. They'd have to drop the case. Paige: My brother's pizza...um it's getting cold. Dean: Okay. But you'll think about it right? I mean maybe we never see each other again and you can forget. At school (Spinner is getting out of his car, polishing it off and Emma, Toby and Liberty are walking together.) Emma: Chris and I broke up in July. Toby: Sorry. Kendra and I broke up in August. Liberty: Sorry. I believe I was abducted by aliens over Labor Day weekend. And Towerz and I broke up. Emma and Toby: Sorry. (They walk into the school as Paige walks by Ellie, Alex, Jay and Sean.) Paige: Morning Ellie! Ellie: Hey Paige. Great outfit! Paige: New year, new look, new Paige. Alex: Ellie, just because Princess Prissy talks to you doesn't mean you have to answer. Paige: I'm going, I'm going. Sean: As usual. Glad we're guys. (Sean and Jay do some hand shake thing) In the school, Manny and JT are walking in the halls Manny: Oh my god! They're so cute. Remember when we were that afraid of Degrassi? JT: Remember when we were that short? Danny: Do you know where the principal's office is? JT: Yeah it's downstairs, through the foyer and to the left. Danny: Good. Go on down. I need to spend time alone with your girlfriend. (JT pushes Danny away.) At Craig's Locker, it's all decorated for his birthday (Ashley accidentally bumps into Craig.) Craig: Ashley? Did you? (She walks away without saying anything.) Craig: Nice going Craig. Really uh, really really smooth. Marco: Oh hey happy birthday buddy! Craig: Wow! Uh you hit the mall lately? Marco: You think it was easy finding those streamers and musical notes? Craig: No, I meant your outfit. Marco: You like it? Craig: Yeah man and I love the locker, thanks. Marco: No problem! Craig: Man, are you dating anybody? I'm serious. At Spinner's locker Spinner: Think Paige will be mad if I put up a picture of Mandy Moore? Jimmy: I saw her. In L.A. when that scout who liked me took the whole camp to see a Lakers game. Are you listening? Spinner: Maybe Hilary Duff will be better. Jimmy: Why? Why would that be better? Spinner: She looks more like Paige. Paige: I'd rather look like Lindsay Lohan. Jimmy: Aren't you at court today? Paige: I always wanted an assistant to handle my calendar. Thanks Jim. But it was supposed to be tomorrow. Spinner: Wait, supposed?! Paige: Not going. Don't really see the point. Spinner: I do! Paige: K, then you can go! Spinner: You're really, you're not going?! Paige: Nope! Spinner: I can't do this anymore. Paige: Do what anymore?! Spinner: This. Us! Jimmy: What was that?! Paige: Did he just dump me? In the school parking lot Paige: Spinner! Gavin! Honeybee! Spinner: You said everything would be okay...after the trial. Paige: I don't need the trial. Look it was one night almost 3 years ago. I've moved on. You know I have! Look let's go park someplace tonight, okay. Just us. Spinner: I guess I'd set a pretty bad example if I turned that down. (Paige kisses him.) At Joey's house (They're watching a videotape of Caitlin that she sent for Craig's birthday.) Caitlin: Hey Craig! It's usually a big load of it when so-called grownups give you that "these are the best years of your life" stuff, but um my wish for you Craig is that these really are. So happy birthday! Signing off from Thailand. Swatika!(?) Angie: Now we eat Cake! Craig: Hey I am the birthday person here and I'm dying to open my big present Joey. Joey: Sorry Angie! Craig is right. Cake will have to wait. (Craig sticks out his arms for something big, then sees the envelope and opens it.) Joey: Happy Birthday! Craig: Holy! 10 grand?! Joey! I can't believe you did this! Joey: No Craig I uh didn't... Craig: Wait. This is from my dad's estate. Joey: He specified it as a birthday gift. I guess to tide you over until your 18th, when you get your full inheritance. Craig: Wow. Angie: Cake noooow?! Joey: You okay Craig? Craig: Hm? Yeah, no I'm fine. Parked outside, Paige and Spinner are in his car making out Paige: Is it okay? Spinner: Mm hmm. Get back here. Paige: Hey um where'd you get this song? Her voice sounds like.. Spinner: Shh. (He begins to kiss her again and she pulls away.) [Flashbacks to Dean's face] Spinner: What? Did I do it wrong? Paige: Sorry! (Spinner slowly reaches to touch Paige's breasts.) [More flashbacks to Dean] Paige: No! Stop! Spinner: What!? Paige: Stop! No! Spinner: Hey come on! Paige: I said no! Spinner: You're okay. Paige: I'm not. I'm not okay! Spinner: Paige... Paige: I have to do it. I have to go. Spinner: I'll go with you. In Mr. Armstrong's class (Craig is drawing music notes.) Ashley: Those are backwards. Craig: Thanks. Ashley: Listen I didn't mean to be all weird yesterday. Craig: No you weren't weird. You just ignored me, which I guess is sort of being weird, but not. Sorry, now I'm being weird. Ashley: Look I was hoping we could be friends, but as soon as I saw you... Craig: You got sucked into some bizarro last year time warp? Ashley: Yeah...so good birthday? Craig: Also weird. Ashley: Weird good? Craig: Well my freak of a dad left me this check for 10 grand in his will. Ashley: Are you serious? Craig: Yeah the guy is half eaten by worms and he's still trying to buy me. It's pathetic. Ashley: Hey your dad owes you. Maybe he was just trying to make it up a little. Craig: Well Joey gave me this lecture about investing it for my future blah, blah, blah, but I'm going to rip the check up. I don't want it. Ashley: Do you have any idea how much fun you could have with that much money? Mr. Armstrong: Alright grade 11. Time to start really preparing you for university math! Outside the courtroom Paige: Thanks for being here today mom. Mrs. Michalchuk: Honey, where else would I be? You're gonna do great in there! Paige: I just want this all to end. Mrs. Michalchuk: I know. And it will. Paige: When he goes to jail! Mrs. Michalchuk: Remember what we talked about in counseling Paige, about why we're doing this. So you can get some closure, feel heard. Spinner: Paige! Hey Paige. Hey Mrs. Michalchuk. Mrs. Michalchuk: Hello Gavin. (Dean gets out of his car.) Mrs. Michalchuk: Ignore him. He can't hurt you. Paige's Lawyer: Morning all. Rose could I just have a minute, please? Mrs. Michalchuk: You'll be okay? (Paige nods.) Spinner: I hate that guy. Paige: You should go home Spin. I don't want you hearing all this. Spinner: I know what happened. Paige: Not the details. When you hear them...picture it. It'll keep playing on the VCR in your head. Rewind, pause, play. Rewind, pause...you can't stop it. You'll dump me and I'll die alone with my 6 cats. Spinner: Paige, I'll never dump you. Paige: Hello, you did it yesterday. Spinner: Yeah, but that was a test. I can't dump a girl as cool as you and you just being here, doing this, is amazingly cool. Paige: Let's get this over with. In the courtroom Dean's Lawyer: Ms. Michalchuk, did you go upstairs willingly with my client? Did you not in fact suggest it? Paige: Yeah. Dean's Lawyer: Why'd you do that? Paige: I just thought... Dean's Lawyer: What. Play pinnacle? Crazy eights? Paige's Lawyer: Objection your honor. Judge: Please rephrase the question. Dean's Lawyer: What were your intentions Ms. Michalchuk in going up to that room? Paige: I just thought we would be alone together. Dean's lawyer: And you find my client attractive? Paige: Yes. I did. Before. Dean's lawyer: When my client put his hand inside your blouse, did you immediately reject him? Slap him? For the record please. Paige: No. Dean's lawyer: This is very difficult for you I know, but when my client touched your breast how did you respond? Did you enjoy it? Paige: No. Well at first yeah. Dean's lawyer: You're telling us that you did. Ms. Michaelchuk, did my client ever hold a gun to your head? A knife to your throat? A grenade? Paige: No. Dean's Lawyer: Did he not in fact wear a condom? Paige: Yeah, but that doesn't make him- Dean's Lawyer: You could show me how he managed to open one of these and roll it onto his pen1s without offering you a chance to get away, if you wanted to. Paige: I said no! He is bigger than me! Stronger...I was afraid. I'm not sure. Dean's Lawyer: Oh so you don't know! How many men have you had s*x with Miss Michaelchuk? Paige's Lawyer: Objection! Paige: Actually I'd like to answer that. That was my only experience and I certainly would not have chosen to lose my virginity upstairs at a house party with a guy I'd known for an hour. At a music store, Craig and Ashley are shopping together Ashley: 20 sets of handmades? Jack White doesn't go through that many strings in a year. Craig: Maybe he should. Ashley: How about this? Legendary Cry Baby WaWa. Craig: I thought I already made you cry enough last year? Wah wah wah. (Craig laughs at his joke and Ashley shakes her head.) Ashley: Craig. Craig: Sorry. That wow... that was really stupid. (Ashley looks at a guitar.) Ashley: How beautiful is this?! Craig: Is that a 62 Stratocaster? Salesperson: Uh 69! Master built American. Ashley: Sunburst finish. Classic. Salesperson: Rosewood Fret board. Ashley: 3 way switch with fazing. Salesperson: It's got all the original hardware. Craig: I feel like I'm in church. Salesperson: You think you could put that back now? It's worth over 4 grand! Craig: I'll take it. My dad would hate it! Ashley: Perfect. Craig: Yup. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the courtroom Bailiff: All rise! Paige: It's good that she's ready with the verdict already right? Paige's Lawyer: Sure. Yeah, sure it is. The Judge: Ms. Michalchuk's testimony was extremely compelling and I want to applaud her for having the courage and the strength for doing what she did here today. It's the kind of case that keeps me awake at night because it's not the kind a justice in my position wants to hear. Given that there are no eyewitnesses and no physical evidence I have no choice, but to find the defendant not guilty. Mr. Walton you are free to go. In Paige's bedroom (Someone knocks on her bedroom door.) Paige: Just tell them to go mom. How hard is it? Marco: Uh was I supposed to hear that? Paige: Do you know I have zero style? I hate everything I own. Marco: So leave it. Come to Dylan's! Paige: Yeah, because everyone loves partying with a wretched, badly dressed, rape victim loser. Marco: Paige you're not a loser, okay? Besides we weren't even thinking that. Paige: K well I am, along with um: what's the point?! Why bother? Marco: Look I felt the exact same way when I got bashed. I just wanted to change my skin...just stop being. The fact that those guys never even got caught... Paige: Of course not. What a joke. Marco: Look grade 11's your year, remember? You can't let him control you. Paige: Marco I just lost my case 3 hours ago. Dean was found not guilty of raping me. Marco: I know... Paige I'm sorry, okay? Just- Paige: What?! You're just what Marco? (Marco stands up to leave.) Paige: I'll be down in a minute. Outside Dylan's Spinner: Hey um this afternoon... Paige: Didn't happen! Spinner: Honeybee I'm sorry. Paige: We're not talking about it, okay? Spinner: Well if you don't feel like partying. Paige: I didn't say that. Spinner: Or if you feel like leaving early... Paige: I didn't say that either! Spinner: Just let me know, I'll take you home. Paige: Do you want me to have a bad time? Hazel! I came to party, not stroll through the park okay! Marco: Come on Spin! Let's go make some soup! At the party (Spinner puts his arms around Paige and Paige breaks free. While she's walking away she bumps into some girl and pushes her into the wall.) Paige: What?! (Hazel is sitting on the floor with the girl Paige pushed.) Spinner: Paige? (Spinner is looking for Paige while she's off dancing and doing body shots with some random guy and then Spinner comes over to take her away.) Spinner: Hey! (He pushes the guy away) Paige: (laughing) Sorry he gets jealous. (Spinner grabs Paige and pushes her into a room.) Paige: I did make you jealous! Spinner: Okay. Put me in traction for asking whatever, but what the hell is going on with- (Paige tries taking off Spinner's shirt.) Paige: Wow you're so tough. Spinner: What are you doing?! Paige: What do you mean?! Spinner: Paige! Paige: What?! I'm easy! Everyone knows it. The judge, my mother, now you! Like Dean! Just get me alone, do whatever you want. No one will stop you. What? You don't want me? Spinner: Not right now, no. Paige: 'Cause Dean got there first? Spinner: You have to let that go! Paige: You want me to just let it go? Like someone was rude or stole my seat at lunch. Spinner: No that's not what I...! I just, I want my girlfriend back, okay? I want Paige back! Paige: You don't even know her. Spinner: That's stupid. Paige: The truth? Paige went upstairs that night. She never came back. You know what I would really like, if I never had to see your idiotic face again! Okay, how about that? (Spinner leaves and slams the door while Paige finds Spinner's keys on the bed and takes them.) At Joey's house, Craig and Ashley walk in Joey: Hey, hey guys. Keep it down. Angie is sleeping. Craig: Oh Joey, remember Ashley? The bad influence? Ashley: It was burning a hole in your pocket. I was trying to help! Craig: Well uh she MADE me do this! Ashley: Did not! (Craig opens the guitar case.) Joey: Is that a Fender Strat?! Craig: Yep! Exactly like Hendricks had! And it's all mine! Joey: Wow, what did this set you back? $400? What 6? 650? Craig: Uh 4 grand...It's the real thing. It's a piece of history. Joey: Enjoy it. (He walks away) In Joey's garage (Craig is playing his new guitar as Joey walks in.) Craig: Got a little ways to go until I sound like 4 grand. Joey: Little bit...Craig! Craig! I was thinking maybe you could help out with a little rent...the mortgage. Craig: My dad's estate gives you money. Joey: Yeah like 250 a month. That barely keeps you eating pizza. You go through shoes like no one I've ever seen. (Craig starts playing his guitar again.) Joey: Craig, Craig! I heat this garage for you...I mean with the price of hydro... Craig: Would you ask Angie this? Joey: For one thing she's seven, she eats like a bird, she didn't just buy herself a four thousand dollar guitar. Craig: And that's the only reason it's different? Joey: Of course! Craig: Yeah well I'm not so sure. Back at the party Jimmy: North Carolina scout is coming back down in December. He wants to see me play ball again. Hazel: Have you seen Paige? Spinner: No! I'm sure she's happy about that. Hazel: Spinner, I'm worried. Cuts to Paige outside another party Paige: Oh uh hi. I'm here to see Steve. Guy at door: Steve? Paige: Steve. The cute one. Second year. He totally invited me today in line at the bookstore and I was like sure I'll come by. Guy at door: Are you 19? Paige: 20, actually. Just short... (The guy lets her in and she sees Dean pouring drinks.) Paige: I have to talk to you! Dean: No you don't! Not now! Paige: I have something to say! Actually everyone should hear it! Dean: Not guilty! Nothing else to say! Paige: You have to listen to me! Do any of you here know what your buddy is? Do you know what he does? Dean: Shut up! Paige: He is a liar! Okay! A liar and a rapist! Dean: Ex-girlfriend you know! Outside NOW! Paige: Don't forget it. I was fifteen! Dean: I don't recommend you do that again. I am trying to get into that fraternity. Paige: This was my life. You raped me! Dean: Yeah! Paige: You admit it! Just like that? Dean: I figure I must have done something wrong if you keep punishing me. Paige: You didn't say that in court! Dean: I must have done something right too. You keep coming back like this. Paige: I'm not coming back. Dean: You can't blame me for wanting some more of this. Paige: Excuse me?! Dean: Listen sweetheart. Go home, call your sad little boyfriend. If you want to have fun sometime, call me. You were good! (Paige gets into Spinner's car and backs it up into Dean's car as Spinner walks around the corner and sees everything.) Spinner: Paige! Spinner: Stop it! Stop! Paige: Spinner! Spinner: Get out! Paige: Spinner, relax! Spinner: Go home! Just get in the cab and go home! GO! (A montage starts with Paige getting into a car. Joey sitting at home looking worried. Craig calling Sean then showing up at his house. Joey trying to call someone. Paige at home looking in the mirror. Spinner walking outside and looking at his car that's totally smashed on the back. Paige lying in bed smiling.) In the school counseling office Ms. Sauve: (On the phone) Hi Paige. Chantalle Sauve. We had an 8:45. (Paige walks in.) Paige: Whoops. Ms. Sauve: Don't worry. Have a seat. Well this isn't the Paige I expected to see this morning! Paige: I've got multiple personalities. That explains a lot. Ms. Sauve: You know what I mean. I want to congratulate you on yesterday. I know things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, but the outcomes going to be good for you in the future because you did the right thing, the only thing by going to court. The justice system isn't perfect but I watched it help you to find your voice again and to heal. You've triumphed over your rapist morally because you've been honest. Paige: Sure. Thanks. In a classroom Paige: You okay? Spinner: Hope it felt good. Paige: A little. How's the uh Love Mobile? I'll get a job, okay? I'll give you the money to fix it. Whatever it takes. Ms. Hatzilakos: Gavin you're wanted outside. (Outside the cops are taking evidence from his car as Spinner is crying while being taken away by the cops.) In the computer lab Ashley: You know you guys should try going a little more post-Emo. Still punk, but less mopey. Craig: I don't think the other guys even know what regular emo is. Spinner probably thinks it's a muppet. Mr. Simpson: Ooh fries and gravy! Good on a plate, not so good on a keyboard. Craig: I'll be careful. No worries. Mr. Simpson: You wanna tell your dad that? The uh no worries part. Called me last night and this morning. Craig: Oh yeah? I don't have a dad, remember? Ashley: See you in class Craig. Craig: Yeah bye. Mr. Simpson: It'll break Joey's little heart to hear you talk like that. Craig: He'd probably make me pay for it, because apparently I'm the bank of Craig. Mr. Simpson: Joey stepped up when no one else was going to. That takes a lot. A lot of guts and a lot of commitment. What you owe him is a little more respect than you're showing him right now! (He snatches the food out of Craig's hand) In Paige's Bedroom (Paige's phone starts to ring.) Paige: Hello? Spinner: Paige. Paige: Where are you? Spinner: Cop shop 55. Paige: You didn't make me your one phone call Spin. Spinner: Failure to remain at the scene of an accident, mischief and dangerous driving. I'm scared. Paige: You didn't do anything! Spinner: Dean called the police with my license plate number. I told them I did it. Paige: No- Spinner: You've been through enough, okay? I saw you go through enough. You're safe. I just wanted to tell you. Cop: Time's up. Your mother's here. Spinner: Bye Paige. At Joey's House (Craig opens the front door and Joey's standing there inside.) Joey: Craig where have you been? Craig: I'm just getting my guitar and some clothes. I won't eat any of your food. Joey: Craig! Craig! Craig: What? Joey: I might lose my business. Craig: What?! Joey: I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to worry. Craig: Well you should have said something! Joey: I'm trying to be the dad here...and instead like an idiot I hit you up for cash! Craig: So you ask me the stupid rent thing instead... Joey: I know. My line of credit is shot. My bills, they're huge! Craig: Look I'll give you the money Joey. I'll take my guitar back and you can have it all. Joey: No. I can't do that. Craig: Well you have to let me do something. Joey: I know you want to be a big rock star someday, but if you needed it, I'd like the dealership to be there for you. Outside the police station Dean: Your boyfriend is dead! Paige: I did it. Dean: You wrecked my car? You're gonna go down for that. I'll prove it was you. Paige: Sorry to uh take away your fun, but I'm about to confess. That's what good people do when they realize they've done something wrong. Dean: That frat didn't let me in because of you and what you said. (Paige starts to walk away.) Dean: Hey! I'm not finished. Paige: Well I'm very finished with all of this, okay? But especially with you! It's over Dean. I've got something to do. Something more important. (Paige walks into the police station, up to the counter.) Paige: Hi, um I'm here about something that happened last night. At Joey's car lot Joey: Now this is a gorgeous car! You really should take it for a test drive. Customer: I don't think so. Joey: Oh what could it hurt! Craig: Cute car! You would look great in it! Customer: I'll go get my bag. Joey: You are a bargain at three times the salary! Craig: Hey three times free is still free! Outside Spinner's house, he's trying to fix his car Paige: Hi. Spinner: What happened? Paige: Well I lost my license, which was exciting and I'm probably stuck with a year of community service. Spinner: Teaching anger management? Paige: I think I'd be good at that. I also thought I might embroider 'On Probation' on all my clothes...give myself that bad girl edge. Spinner: So you came by to make jokes? Paige: I came to say that...I don't know what else to say. I wish I'd never hurt your car...or you. Spinner: Okay. Paige: And I meant it when I said I'd pay! Would you like to go out with me? Triple feature at the drive-in this weekend. Sour candies on me? Spinner: If I get the car in decent shape by then. Paige: Wrench? Scenes for next week: Voiceover: Marco has his eyes on the prize. Marco: Marco for president. Come out and vote! Voiceover: But he better watch his back Mr. Simpson: Hey Marco, hope you're ready for a horse race! She's got a lot of kids talking already. Voiceover: Cause this looks like trouble. Marco: Nobody's gonna vote for you okay? Nobody! Alex: Not yet! Marco: Not ever! Alex: We'll see.

With the new school year on the horizon, Paige receives a summons to testify against Dean when the rape case finally comes to trial after two years. She soon learns that the legal system is not perfect when Dean is unfortunately acquitted of all charges. Angered by the outcome, she seeks a destructive revenge against him which could also affect Spinner. Meanwhile, Craig celebrates his 16th birthday, receives $10,000 from his father's will, and spends it on an extravagant guitar, much to Joey's disapproval.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_01x03

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_01x03_0

Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale High School. Cut to the library. Giles: (upset) This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! (begins pacing) I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... (stops pacing) Cult? Buffy: (wearing a cheerleader outfit) You don't like the color? Giles: I d... (exasperated) Do you, um... (puts some books on a cart) Do you ignore everything I say as a, as a rule? Buffy: No, I believe that's your trick. Giles pushes the cart to the counter. Buffy skips in front of him and poses. Buffy: I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad! Giles: You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it. (goes back to the table) Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how? Giles: Well, I... (sits on the edge of the table and crosses his arms) By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists. Buffy: I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, okay? I just wanna have a life, I wanna do something normal. Something safe. Cut to the witch's attic. The camera moves through the dark space. There are flowers and herbs hanging upside down from the rafters to dry and personal items with tags. The witch moves around in the darkness. The camera follows her to the cauldron. She waves a pendant on a chain over the brew, then pulls it back. She goes over to a rack and yanks off a doll hanging there by its neck on a wire. Cut to the gym. Cheerleader tryouts are about to start. Girls are stretching and practicing, doing back handsprings, cartwheels and walking handstands. One girl does a roundoff followed by a back handspring. Buffy, Willow and Xander come through the door. Willow: Giles didn't approve, huh? Buffy: He totally lost his water. We haven't seen a vampire in over a week. I'd say he should get a girlfriend if he wasn't so old. Willow: Well, we're behind you. Xander: People scoff at things like school spirit, but look at these girls giving their all like this! He notices Amber doing the splits between two chairs. Xander: Ooo, stretchy! Where was I? Willow: You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience. Xander: Who said I was pretending? (to Buffy) Oh, hey! Here's a good luck thing for tryouts. (hands her a bracelet) Buffy: What's this? Willow: What's that? Buffy: Oh, how sweet! (reads the inscription) 'Yours Always.' Xander: I-i-it came that way, really, they all said that! Willow: (exhales) Cordelia: (approaches them) Just look at that Amber. Who does she think she is, a Laker Girl? Willow: I heard she turned them down. Joy, the cheerleading squad leader, steps up with her clipboard and calls for everyone's attention. Joy: Okay, listen up! Let's begin with (checks her clipboard) Amber Grove. If you're not auditioning, move off the floor. Willow: (to Amy) Amy! Hi! Amy: (comes over) Hi! Willow: I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader! You lost a lot of weight. Amy: Had to. Willow: Do you know Buffy? Amy: Hi. Buffy: Hi. Amy: Oh, how I hate this, let me count the ways. Amber begins her routine. It's very athletic. She starts off with a needle split lift followed by a double spin and a jumping double spin. After landing, Amber launches herself into an aerial and a cartwheel. Jazz slides are then followed by a single spin. Everyone in the gym is intent on watching her. Amy: (to Buffy) She trained with Benson. He's one of the best coaches money can buy. Buffy: They have cheerleading coaches? Amy: Oh, yeah! Don't you have? I train with my mom, three hours in the morning, three at night. Buffy: Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide. Amy: Oh, I know it's hokey. But she's really great. Cordelia turns away from Amber with a look of contempt on her face. Cordelia: Hmm! Buffy and Xander watch Amber in amazement. Amy and Willow are impressed, too. Amber's hands begin to smoke. Buffy: What the...? Willow: That girl's on fire! Cordelia: (facing away, not seeing the smoke) Enough of the hyperbole! Amber's hands catch fire. She drops her pompoms and screams. Buffy reacts. Amber flails her hands in the air. Buffy jumps up onto the stands and pulls down a banner. She runs back to Amber, knocks her down and snuffs out the flames with the banner. Everyone stares in shock. Buffy: (trying to comfort Amber) It's okay, it's okay, you're gonna be... okay. (to herself) God! Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Buffy is pacing. Willow and Xander are sitting at the table. Buffy: I've been slaying vampires for more than a year now, and I have seen some pretty cringeworthy things, but... nobody's hands ever got toasted before. Giles: (comes out of the cage) I imagine not. Buffy: So, this isn't a vampire problem. Giles: No. Buffy: (turns to Giles) But it is funky, right? Not of the norm? Giles: Quite. Spontaneous human combustion is, is rare, and, and scientifically unexplainable, but there have been cases for hundreds of years. Usually all that's left is a pile of ashes. Willow: That's all that would have been left if it hadn't been for Buffy. Xander: So, we have no idea what caused this. That's a comfort. Giles: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! (sits on the edge of the table) There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and devils and, and ghouls to engage. (everyone looks at him) Pardon me for finding the glass half full. Buffy: Any common denominators in cases of spontaneous combustion? Giles: Uh, rage. In most cases the person who combusted was, was terribly angry or, or upset. Xander: So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire. It's like the human torch, only it hurts. Buffy: I need to get the skinny on Amber. Find out if she's had any colorful episodes before. (starts to go) Willow: That means hacking illegally into the school's computer system. At last, something *I* can do! She and Xander get up and go over to Buffy. Xander: I'll ask around about her. Buffy: You guys don't have to get involved. Xander: What d'ya mean? We're a team! Aren't we a team? Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes! Buffy: I just don't like putting you guys in danger. Xander: Oh, huh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away. Buffy: Okay, just walk softly, at least until we know a little more. I mean, what if Amber isn't causing these problems herself? Giles: Well, then we have to determine who or what did, and, uh, deal with it accordingly. Cut to the kitchen at the Summers house. There are several wooden boxes and crates. Joyce is trying to pry one open with a crowbar. Buffy comes in. Buffy: Hey! Joyce: Hi, how was school? Buffy: Mm, a reverent joy. What's all this? Joyce: It's for the tribal art display. Buffy: Cool! (examines a piece) We had tryouts today. Joyce: Oh, great! How'd it go? (exhales) Buffy: I didn't actually get to try out. There was an accident. Pretty fierce competition, though. Joyce: Oh, I know you'll do fine. Keep on pluggin', just have to get back on the horse. Buffy: Mom? Joyce: Yeah? Buffy: What was I trying out for? Joyce: Oh, uh... (stops prying at the crate and looks at Buffy) Some activity? I have no idea, I'm sorry. Buffy: That's okay. Your platitudes are good for all occasions. Joyce: (exhales) I'm distracted. (starts prying again and exhales) Got a lotta inventory to go through, here. (exhales) This is my Gallery's first major show. (exhales and gives up) You know, it might not physically kill you to give me a hand here. (goes to check her clipboard) Buffy grabs the lid of the crate and effortlessly tears it off. Buffy: It was cheerleading. Joyce: Oh good! I'm glad you're taking that up again, it'll keep you out of trouble. Buffy: I'm not *in* trouble. Joyce: No, not yet. Buffy is hurt. Her mother looks up from her clipboard and notices. Joyce: I mean, you stopped cheerleading just before the trouble, so it's good you're going back. She goes back to the crate and partially lifts out a statue. Joyce: Oh, dear. Buffy: What? Joyce: The fertility statue, you don't need to see it. She replaces the crate's lid and goes back to her clipboard. Buffy: Y'know, there's this girl, Amy, and, um, she trains with her mom, like, three hours a day. Joyce: Uh-huh. Buffy: Sounds like her mom's pretty into it. Joyce: Sounds like her mom doesn't have a lot to do. She walks out of the kitchen with a piece of art. Buffy lifts the crate's lid a little bit and looks in. Buffy: Jeepers! Cut to the gym the next day. Tryouts have resumed. Joy: (pacing) Despite the terrible thing that happened yesterday we still have to pick new cheerleaders. If you make the team you'll find your names posted in the quad after lunch. Let's begin with group performance. Amy: (to Buffy) Why do my hands have to sweat when I get nervous? Buffy: (to Amy) Don't worry. You'll do great. Joy: (loudly) Five, six, seven, eight! All: Sunnydale! Sunnydale! We never fail! We never fail! Jump and Shoot! Swish and score! The other team is such a bore! Yeah! Amy blows the cartwheel and crashes into Cordelia. Cordelia yelps as she falls and then quickly gets up. Cordelia: You saw that, right? That wasn't me! You saw that, right? (looks at Amy and back again) Right? Cut to the halls. Amy is admiring the trophies in the case with a longing look. Buffy comes up next to her. Amy notices her, smiles and points to a picture in the case. Amy: That's my mom! Buffy: No! (reads the inscription) Catherine Madison. Get down with your bad self! Amy: Her nickname was 'Catherine the Great'. She took that team and made them tri-county champions. Y'know, no one's ever done that before, or since. She and my dad were Homecoming King and Queen. They got married right after graduation. Buffy: That's kinda romantic. Amy: Well, he was a big loser. Never made any money. Ran off with Miss Trailer Trash when I was twelve. Buffy: Okay, that part's less romantic. My folks split up, too. Amy: Drag, huh? Uh, he left my mom with nothing. She put herself through cosmetology school. (smiles) Bought me everything I ever wanted. (shakes her head) And never once gained a single pound. Buffy: (walks around to face Amy) Uh, she sounds really great, Amy, but, um... it doesn't mean that you need to lock step as far as this cheerleading thing. Amy: She was the best! And I can't get my body to *move* like hers! I choked in there so bad! Buffy: No, Amy, you did fine. Amy: (dejected) I'm gonna get changed. Buffy: Wait! No... Willow: (walking by) Hey, Amy! (comes over to Buffy) Is she okay? Buffy: No, she's, she's wiggin' about her mom, big cheer queen back when. Willow: Yeah, her mom's kinda... Buffy: ...Nazi like? Willow: Heil. If she gains an ounce she padlocks the fridge and won't eat anything but broth. Buffy: So, mommy dearest is really... Mommy Dearest? Willow: There's a bitter streak. But Amy's nice. We used to hang in Junior High. When her mom would go on a broth kick Amy'd come over to my house and we'd stuff ourselves with brownies! They start down the hall. Buffy: Hey, any word on Amber? Willow: Nothing thrilling. Average student. Got detention once, for smoking. Regular smoking... with a cigarette, not, like, being smoky. Buffy: Hmm. Willow: All pretty normal. Buffy: So we just have to wait and we'll see what happens. Maybe nothing will. Cut to the girls' locker room. The camera shows the showers dripping. Cut to a row of lockers. The camera follows them around a corner to Amy alone at her locker. She hears a noise and turns to look. Nothing. The showers keep dripping. Amy closes her locker and starts to go, but is surprised by Cordelia. Cordelia: I have a dream. It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by every varsity male as far as the eye can see! We have to achieve our dreams, Amy. Otherwise we... wither and die! Amy: Look, I'm sorry about... Cordelia: (cuts Amy off) Shhh! If your supreme klutziness out there today takes me out of the running, you're gonna be so *very* beyond sorry! (smiles) Have a nice day. Cordelia turns and leaves. She throws her scrunchie into an open locker and slams the door as she rounds the corner, but it doesn't stay shut. Amy leans on her locker, apparently shaken. Cut outside. Willow and Xander are walking. Willow: I told Buffy about Amber. Xander: Cool! Was she wearin' it? The bracelet, she was wearin' it, right? Pretty much like we're goin' out. Willow: Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it. Xander: So I'm just a figure of fun. (exhales) I should ask her out, right? Willow: You won't know till you ask. Xander: That's why you're so cool! You're like a guy! You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff! Willow: Oh, great. I'm a guy. Xander: Oh, hey, they're posting the list! He runs off to check the list of names for the cheerleading squad. Cut to the crowd in front of the bulletin board. Buffy and Amy are at the back. A girl rushes away in tears because her name is not on the list. Amy: I can't take this. Joy steps away from posting the list on the bulletin board. Lishanne sees her name on the list. Lishanne: Yes! Xander comes up behind Buffy and Amy. Xander: Cover me, I'm goin' in. He pushes his way through the crowd and looks at the list. Cordelia comes out of the crowd. Cordelia: (to Amy) You're lucky! Amy: I made it? Cordelia: I made it! Xander comes back out of the crowd and gets hit on the way. Xander: One of those girls hit me really hard! You should test for steroids. Okay, not only did you make the team, but you, Miss Summers, are the first alternate, and Amy's number three. Amy looks at Buffy, badly disappointed, and leaves. Xander: And what a better way to celebrate than with a romantic drive through... Willow: Xander, alternates are the ones who didn't make the team, they only fill in if something happens to the ones who did. Buffy: Excuse me. (goes to console Amy) Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me. Buffy: (catches up with Amy) At least it's over. And you know what I think we should do about it? Brownie pigout, my house, after school. Amy: It's just how many more hours a day can I practice? Y'know, how much more can I do? This would never happen to my mother. Never. She walks off. Buffy stares after her. Cut to Amy's house. The camera closes in on the brickwork outside of the attic. Cut inside the attic. The camera pans from the wall across a bunch of tagged personal items that she's taken from people. Cut to the cauldron. Amy stirs the pot. Amy: Give me the power. Give me the dark. She goes to get another doll from her rack. Amy: I call on you, the laughing gods. She yanks one of the dolls off of the rack. Amy: Let your blackness crawl beneath my skin. She wraps Cordelia's scrunchie around the doll's head. Amy: Accept thy sacrifice... of Cordelia. Feed on her. She drops the doll into the brew. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Summers kitchen. The toaster pops up and Buffy takes out a freshly toasted half of a bagel. She takes it to the island in the middle of the kitchen for more preparation. Her mother comes in. Joyce: Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. Oh, look! There I am. She puts the book down on the island and goes to get a cup of coffee. Buffy looks at the picture. Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had s*x. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair. Joyce: This is Gidgit hair. Don't they teach you anything in history? Buffy: Well, it's really cool, but I gotta book. Joyce: Well, I was thinking. I know the cheerleading thing didn't work out... Maybe you should think about joining the yearbook staff. I did, it was a lot of fun. Buffy: Not really my tip, mom. (opens the refrigerator) Joyce: I was, uh, photo editor. I got to be on every page, made me look much more popular than I was. Buffy: And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them. (walks to her bag) Joyce: Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook! Buffy: (faces her mom) Oh, this just in: I'm not you! I'm into my own thing. Joyce: Your own thing, whatever it is, got you kicked out of school, and we had to move here to find a decent school that would take you! Buffy is hurt. She takes her bag and starts to go. Joyce: Honey, uhhh... (Buffy leaves) Uhhh! Great parenting form! Little shaky on the dismount. Cut to the hall at school. Cordelia walks past Willow and Xander in a daze. Xander: Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day. Is it something I've done? (to Willow) Okay, see how she has no clue that I'm even a mammal, much less a human being? Willow: (takes the pen from her mouth) I see that. Xander: This is the invisible man syndrome. A blessing in Cordelia's case. A curse in Buffy's. Willow: (closes her locker) You're not invisible to Buffy. She chews on her pen some more as they start to walk down the hall. Xander: It's worse! I'm just like a part of the scenery, like an old shoe. Or a rug that you walk on every day but don't even really see it. Willow: (takes her pen out of her mouth) Like a pen that's all chewed up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don't, not 'cause you like it so much, more 'cause you're just used to... Xander: Will, yeah, that is the point, you don't have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike. I'm gonna take your advice and not beat around the bush. Willow: Or I could be wrong! Maybe you should beat around the bush more. Xander: Nah, I gotta be a man and ask her out. Y'know, I gotta stop giving her ID bracelets, uh, subtle innuendoes, taking Polaroids outside of her bedroom window late at night that last part is a joke to relieve the tension because here she comes. Buffy comes out of a classroom and walks toward them. Xander: Okay, into battle I go. (quickly turns to Willow) Would you ask her out for me? He grabs her by the shoulders, startling her. Buffy sees Cordelia trying to work the combination on a locker. Xander pulls himself together. Xander: No. Man. (lets go of Willow) Me battle. (to Buffy) Buffy! Would you like to, uh... Buffy: (reaches Willow and Xander) Is that even Cordelia's locker? They see Cordelia give up and continue down the hall. Xander: Huh? Oh, I don't know. What I'm saying is accompany me Friday night... Buffy: (watching Cordelia go and cutting him off) Xander, I have to, um... (faces him) We can make this up later. You don't mind do you? She gives him her book and follows Cordelia. Xander whistles like the sound of a bomb falling and exploding. Willow looks at him and continues chewing on her pen. Cut outside. Buffy comes out of the hall and looks around for Cordelia. She sees her and starts to follow. Cut to Mr. Pole, the Driver's Ed. Teacher. He's waiting impatiently for Cordelia. He turns and sees her coming. Mr. Pole: Nice of you to join us, Cordelia. We didn't keep you waiting or anything, did we? It's your turn to drive. Okay, people, let's buckle up. Cordelia: (goes around the front of the car) I don't wanna drive today, Mr. Pole. Mr. Pole: You've flunked Driver's Ed. twice already. Show me some moves, or you'll be taking the bus to college. He gets in the car. Cordelia gets in last. Buffy watches from behind a school bus. Mr. Pole: Okay. Check the brake. Check the mirror. Start the engine. Cordelia turns the key and the engine starts. Mr. Pole: Hello? Put the car in drive. Cordelia struggles with the shifting lever. Mr. Pole: Let's move forward through the cones with a gentle even turn to the... The car takes off backward, crashes into some signs and stops. Cordelia gets it in drive and the car races forward, burning rubber. Mr. Pole: Slow down. Slow, slow, turn right! Turn right! Cordelia loses control as the car races along the course, knocking down cones and signs. Buffy begins running after them. Mr. Pole: Brakes! Brakes! The car crashes through the fence and bushes, out onto the street where it comes to a sudden halt. Another car just manages to swerve around them. Mr. Pole: Everybody out! They all get out. Cordelia is in a daze, and she walks into the middle of the street. A delivery van is coming the other way, but it doesn't slow down. Buffy comes running. Cordelia turns to see the van coming and screams. Buffy leaps over the Driver's Ed. car and grabs Cordelia, pulling her down and out of the way. The van takes out the open car door as Buffy and Cordelia roll to a stop. Cordelia: Oh, my God, I, I can't see anything! Buffy: It's, it's okay, it's... (sees Cordelia's eyes) Oh God! Cordelia: What's happening? I can't see anything! Her eyes have no more irises and are completely white. Cut to the library. The team is sitting at the table. Giles: Witchcraft. Blinding your enemy to disorient and disable them is, it's classic! Xander: First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale. Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia? Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that? Giles: And setting Amber ablaze? Xander: Yeah, those guys don't hang... Buffy: They're both cheerleaders. Giles: Someone doesn't like cheerleading. Buffy: Or likes it too much. Willow: Amy! Buffy: Amy! Xander: So, you guys are leaning towards Amy? Buffy: She's desperate to get on that team, and I've got this feeling she'd do just about anything to make her mom's dream come true. Giles: Uh, let me make sure I have this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader? Buffy: I think you're underestimating the amount of pressure a parent can lay on you. If you're not a picture perfect carbon copy they tend to wig. Willow: Cheerleading was kind of her mom's last hurrah. Xander: Look, we still have to stop Amy. We should grab her and... Giles: (interrupts) I think we should be sure she's the witch before we arouse her suspicions. She's, she's capable of some fairly unpleasant things. Buffy: Okay, alright, (gets up) so, you're in high school, you are desperate to make the team and please your mom, so you turn to witchcraft. What's the first thing you're gonna do? Willow: Check out the books on witchcraft! She and Buffy go over to the computer to access the on-line library card catalog. Xander: Uh, no! No, that would be the last thing you would do! You don't wanna leave a paper trail. Forget that! Willow: It'll just take a minute. Xander gets up and stands behind them. Xander: We don't have a minute! Cheerleaders are in danger. Buffy's in danger. (to Buffy) You were the first alternate, you are on the team now that Cordelia's out. You could be next. We gotta get you to a safe house. Willow: Xander... Xander: Yeah. Willow: (exhales) 'Witches: Historic Roots to Modern Practice.' Checked out by Alexander Harris. Buffy: 'The Pagan Rites', checked out by Alexander... Xander: Alright, alright, it's not what you think. Willow: You like to look at the semi-nude engravings? Xander: Oh, well, uh, I-I guess it *is* what you think. Giles: Have you all quite finished? We have to find a conclusive test. There may be something in here... (pages through a book) Yes, this should do it. You'll need some of her hair, a little quicksilver and some aquafortis. Willow: Well, that's just mercury and nitric acid. You can get that in the science lab. Giles: (reads) 'Heat ingredients and apply to witch, and if a spell has been cast in the previous 48 hours, witch's skin turns blue.' Hmm. (shuts the book) Oh, and you'll need some Eye of Newt. Cut to science class. The camera shows Dr. Gregory holding a frog as reflected in a mirror propped up on a stick above him. It pans down to show him holding the frog up for the class to see. Dr. Gregory: Those of you in track one may begin your dissections... now. He indicates where the students should cut their frogs. Cut to Xander trying to take his frog's eye out with tweezers. Dr. Gregory: Those of you in track two (cut to him) take your hydrochloric acid and your ammonium hydroxide and carefully pour them into your beakers. He begins to pour. Cut to Xander still struggling with the frog's eye. Dr. Gregory: Now slow, slow... Xander: I can't. Willow grabs the frog and takes out its eye. Dr. Gregory: ...capping one, I'm being safe. And you get... Willow: (drops the eye into the beaker) Eye of Newt! Cut to Dr. Gregory. The ingredients in the beaker react and begin to bubble and smoke. Dr. Gregory: ...that. Cut to Xander. Xander: How's Buffy doing with the hair? They look toward Buffy. Cut to Lishanne at another lab table. Lishanne: (to Buffy) Isn't this exciting! Buffy: Oh, yeah! (to Amy) Amy, help me. Um, which is the hydrochloric acid and which is the, uh, ammonium hydroxide? Amy: Well, the bottle that says 'hydrochloric acid' is usually the hydrochloric acid. Buffy: Read the bottles. Good concept! (laughs nervously and drops her pencil) Oops. She crouches down to pick up the pencil. She reaches into Amy's bag and pulls some hair off of her brush. She gets up and tries to pretend nothing happened. She glances at Amy to gauge her reaction. Amy smiles back weakly. She noticed but pretends she didn't. Buffy waves her pencil and smiles back. She heads back to her lab table with an expression of relief at having avoided a close call. She puts the hair on Willow's bench as she walks by. Willow picks up the hair and mixes it into the concoction. Amy looks back at them to see what they're doing. Willow and Xander look back nervously. Xander: (in a low voice) Wave 'Hi' to the nice little witch! Amy overhears and gives them another quick look. Willow takes the beaker and pours some of the liquid into a test-tube. Willow: All set. (hands the tube to Buffy) Do you have a plan? Buffy: Spill it on her. Try 'n' make it look natural. Xander: We're right behind you, only... further back. Buffy slowly makes her way over to Amy. Dr. Gregory: Lishanne, can you tell me why these chemicals have this reaction? Buffy pours some of the mixture onto Amy's arm and feigns an accident, drawing in her breath. She sees the liquid turn blue on contact. Dr. Gregory: Lishanne? Amy apparently didn't notice the spill. She's looking over at Lishanne. Dr. Gregory: Are you... Oh, my God! Buffy looks over at Lishanne now, too, and sees her shaking her head violently. She turns to the camera and everyone sees that she no longer has a mouth. Buffy stares in amazement. She looks back at Amy, who looks amazed, too. Willow and Xander are also stunned. Cut to the halls. Buffy, Willow and Xander are discussing the result of their experiment. Xander: Did you see? Amy was as freaked out as the rest of us. Willow: So it's not her? Buffy: The test was positive! She's our Sabrina. I just don't think she realizes what she's doing. Willow: Well, should we talk to her? Buffy: Maybe we should talk to her mother. I wonder if *she* knows what she's created. Cut to Amy's house. She walks through the gate with determination. The gate has a gargoyle face on it. She comes into the house and looks around for her mother. Amy: Where are you? Cut to Catherine. She quickly turns off the TV and gets up. Amy sees her. Amy: Another productive day in front of the TV? Catherine just looks back. Amy: I got a history report due tomorrow. (drops her bag) Write it! Catherine can only keep looking and exhales. Amy: (considers) I should be on that team by now. But instead Miss *Buffy* and friends are sneaking around stealing bits of my hair. Catherine shakes her head. Amy opens her hand and out drops Buffy's bracelet. Amy: I'll be upstairs. Catherine watches her go. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The next morning in Buffy's room. It's a bit of a mess. The camera pans through it and stops on Buffy still sleeping. The alarm clock goes off. She slaps it with her hand hard enough to smash it with her strength. Buffy: Oh! Oops! Oh... (sits up) Mm... Cut to the kitchen. Joyce is making fresh-squeezed orange juice. Buffy comes dancing in singing and wearing her cheerleader outfit. Buffy: Macho, macho, man! I want to be a macho man. Macho... Oh, hey, juice! (grabs the glass and drinks) Mm... Quality juice. Not from concentrate! Joyce: (glances at Buffy) You're in a good mood. Buffy: I am! I'm on the squad, which is great, 'cause I feel like cheering and leading others to cheer. Ooo, hey, juice! Buffy takes the second glass and drinks again. Joyce: Listen, honey, about yesterday, I really... Buffy: Mm! That is totally yester. Besides, it's not like you were wrong, y'know. I did get kicked outta school. I'm just wacky that way! Joyce: Still, I just want you to know that, despite the problems you've had, I really... Buffy: (cuts her off) Mom, you just don't get it. And, believe me, you don't want it. Y'know, there are just some things about being a Vampire Slayer that the older generation... Joyce: A what? Buffy: It's a... long story. Joyce: Buffy, are you feeling well? Buffy: What? Oh, I'm, I'm fine, y'know? What, like, I can't be in a good mood? Is it, like, a new house rule? Fine, y'know? It's just fine, fine, fine, 'cause... I'm a macho, macho man! I want to be a macho man! (bobs her head) Macho, macho man! (leaves the kitchen) I want to be a macho man! Cut to the gym for cheerleading practice. Buffy is positioned next to Joy in the lineup. Joy: (loudly) Five, six, seven, eight! The cheerleaders begin practicing a routine. Buffy: Turn up the music! The routine continues until Buffy stomps on Joy's foot. Joy: (yells) Ow! Get it together Buffy! We have a game in less than four hours! Xander and Willow come in. Buffy: (jumping gleefully) Willow! Xander! My buds are here! I love my buds! Hi! (notices everyone staring) Hi... Oh... She gets back in line and the routine continues. Xander: (to Willow) Is it me, or is Buffy a bit looped? Willow casts a worried gaze. The cheerleaders continue with a series of assisted cartwheels. Willow: We better get her outta there. Xander: Yeah, before she... Buffy overthrows Joy's aerial, sending her crashing into the gym wall. Xander: ...hurts someone. Ay... Joy gets up as Buffy comes running over. Buffy: Did I do that? Joy: (pushes Buffy) You are *so* out of here! Willow and Xander come running up and each grab one of Buffy's arms. Willow: It's not her fault! Xander: She's on medication. Buffy: (to Xander) What? Joy: Well, obviously not enough. Who's our next alternate? Oh. Amy, you just made cheerleader. Buffy: No, no, no. You don't want her, she's a wi... Xander quickly puts his hand over Buffy's mouth. Xander: A wise choice indeed! He and Willow pull Buffy away, nodding and casting nervous smiles at Amy and Joy. Amy stares after them. Cut to the hall outside the gym. Willow and Xander are supporting Buffy between them as they come down the hall. Buffy: She's a witchy! Willow: Buffy... Buffy: I just got kicked off the team, didn't I? Xander: I don't think it was your fault. Buffy: Hmm, I know you don't, that's 'cause you're my friend. You're my Xander-shaped friend! (leans her head on his shoulder) Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander? Willow: We gotta to get her to a... Xander: (stops Willow with a gesture) Let her speak! Buffy: I'll tell you! You're not like other boys at all. Xander: Well... Buffy: You are totally, and completely one of the girls! (to Willow) I'm that comfy with him. Willow smiles widely. Xander: That's great. Buffy: Any other guy who'd give me a bracelet, they'd... wanna date me, and be like a... She begins to feel woozy. Buffy: Oh! I, I don't feel so good. Willow: Buffy? Buffy collapses into their arms. Cut to the library. Buffy is lying prone in a chair with a wet cloth on her forehead. Willow supports her head and keeps the cloth in place with her hand. Willow: We've gotta get her to a hospital! Giles: They can't help her. This is a bloodstone vengeance spell. (takes her pulse) Hits the body hard like a, a quart of alcohol, and then it e-eradicates the, uh, immune system. Xander: A vengeance spell, like she's trying to get even with Buffy? Buffy: 'Cause she knows I know she's a witch. Giles: The others she just wanted out of the running. You she intends to, um... Buffy: Kill? Willow: How much time do we have? Giles: Oh, uh, I'm sure, uh... Buffy: Truth. Please. Giles: Couple of hours... Three at most. Xander: Well, how do we reverse the spell? Giles: (gets up) Well I, I've been researching that, and, uh, we can reverse all the spells if, um... (takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes) ...we can just lay our hands on, on Amy's spell book. Willow: And if we can't get a hold of it? Giles: Well, the other way is to cut the witch's head off. (puts his glasses back on) Xander: Show of hands! (raises his hand) Buffy: It's not Amy's fault. She only became a witch to survive her mother. Xander: (to Buffy) Look, I don't care why, I just care that you go on breathing. Buffy: Giles, where would she be casting these spells? Giles: Oh, she needs a, a sacred space. A-a-a pentagram, um, large pot. Buffy: Her home. Okay. Help me up. Xander and Willow help her up. Buffy: We'll just go to her house and we'll get her book. Willow: Okay, we'll go with you. Buffy: Uh, no! You guys stay here and keep an eye on Amy. Giles: (takes Buffy from them) And keep her away from the science lab. We'll need it to cast our counter-spells. He and Buffy go. Willow and Xander look at each other. Xander exhales. Cut to Giles' old car pulling up to Amy's house. Cut inside. Catherine has a plate of brownies on her lap and takes a bite of one. Giles knocks. She looks up, startled. Giles knocks some more. Buffy looks very tired and out of it. Catherine slides the plate under the coffee table and gets up. Giles knocks again. Catherine opens the door. Catherine: Who are you? Wha, um, uh, is there something wrong? Giles: Mrs. Madison, we need to talk to you about your daughter. Catherine: I'm not allow... You'll have to come back later. She tries to close the door, but Giles prevents her and pushes his way in. Giles: Excuse me! Catherine: What? Giles: (turns to help Buffy) You alright? (looks for a place to sit her down) Um, in here. (leads Buffy into the living room) Your daughter is meddling with something very dangerous, are you aware of that? (sits Buffy on the couch) Catherine: Uh, I don't know what you're talking about. Giles: Oh, I think you know only too well. Catherine: You've got to go. She's gonna be home soon, and you... Giles: (indicates Buffy) This girl is very sick. (very angry) Now you will shut up and you will listen to me! Your daughter has access to some very powerful magics, and somehow your obsession with cheerleading has made... Catherine: (interrupts, incredulous) I don't care about cheerleading! It's not my fault she's doing stuff. Buffy sees the brownies and begins to realize who Catherine really is. Giles: As her mother you should assume some responsibility for her actions. Catherine: (laughs) Well, you know, these kids today! I... (calms down a bit) She's out of her mind. Ever since dad, her dad... left I can't control her. Buffy slowly gets up. Giles: You're afraid of her? Buffy: Amy? Catherine looks at Buffy and realizes she's been found out. Giles looks at Buffy, still puzzled. Buffy: Are you Amy? Giles: (looks back at Catherine) I don't understand. Buffy: She switched! She switched your bodies, didn't she? Catherine looks down, defeated. Giles: (the truth dawns on him) Good Lord! Buffy: She wanted to relive her glory days! Catherine: (looks back up) She said I was wasting my youth. So she took it! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The living room at Amy's house. The camera pans to them sitting on the couch. Catherine: I didn't know anything about her powers. I mean, when dad was here they would fight and yell and he would... call her a witch and... I mean, I would, just thought he meant... Oh, God, when he left I wanted to go with him. But she wouldn't even let me call. She went crazy, I mean, she'd lock herself upstairs for days, and she was always coming down on me, telling me I didn't deserve to have it so easy, and that I didn't know... how hard it was to be her, and... I guess she showed me, huh? Buffy: (takes her hand) Amy, it's gonna be okay. Catherine: A few months ago, I woke up in h... her bed! I didn't know where I was, and... then I looked in the mirror... Giles: She locked herself upstairs? Catherine: Yes. Giles: Where? Cut to the attic. Giles breaks in the door, comes in and starts to look around. Catherine comes in after him. Catherine: (tries to stop him) Don't! If she finds out I've been here she'll kill me! Giles walks around the cauldron to the rack with the hanging dolls. He sees the two dolls bound together for the body-switching spell and takes them in his hand. Giles: My God! (exhales) I believe we can reverse your mother's spell. Well, all of them, in fact. (lets go of the dolls) Catherine: You could? Really, you could? Giles: We need to find her books. There'd be specific volumes she'd need for this kind of casting. He begins to look around some more. He finds a trunk and knocks off the things on top. Giles: Collect those dolls, and, uh, any other personal effects... As he starts to open the trunk a black cat jumps at him and surprises him. Giles: Ah! Nice kitty... (calms down) Let's see what you were guarding. (opens the trunk) Ah, yes! (takes out a book) This is it. Cut to Giles and Catherine coming back down the stairs and going into the living room. Buffy: Did we find? Giles: We found. Come on. He helps Buffy up from the couch. She's gotten weaker. Catherine: But where are you going? Giles: We're going to school. He realizes Buffy is too weak to walk and picks her up in his arms. Giles: And you're coming with us. Cut to the gym. The Sunnydale High basketball team comes through the doors and onto the court. The camera pans across the court, then back and across the cheerleaders, stopping on Amy. Amy's clearly very happy to be there. Cut to Xander and Willow in the stands, watching Amy. Cut to the science classroom. Giles carries Buffy in and lays her down on a lab table, knocking everything off of it in the process. He takes off his coat. Giles: (to Buffy) I'm gonna stop this. I promise. Buffy looks up at him. He folds his coat and puts it under her head as a pillow. Her vision is blurred. Giles: You just hang on. Buffy moans. Giles goes to the box of books and other things Catherine has set on Dr. Gregory's bench and reaches in to get Amy's spell book. Catherine: (concerned) How is she? Giles: We only have a few minutes left. Cut to the gym and the cheerleaders. Cheerleaders: Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go! Six, seven, eight! Go Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go! Six, seven, eight! Go Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go! Six, seven, eight! Go Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go! (yells from the cheerleaders) The camera focuses on Amy in slow motion. Cut to a slow pan across the crowd. Cut to Amy with a smile on her face. Cut to the science classroom. Catherine is cutting an eye from a frog, and is squeamish about it. Giles: Right! Here we go! Cut to Buffy. She's getting weaker. Cut back to Giles. He recites as he mixes a potion. Giles: The center is dark. Centrum est obscurus. The darkness breathes. Tenebrae respiratis. The listener hears. Hear me! Cut to the gym. The cheerleaders are doing a counting chant. The camera focuses on Amy. She stops chanting and looks startled. Her vision flashes to what Catherine sees in the science lab, the book and the frog. She's back in the gym and takes up the count again, but has a worried look on her face. Cut back to the lab. Catherine: Oh, it's... it's working! Giles takes the book up from the table and reads. Giles: Unlock the gate. Let the darkness shine. Cover us with holy fear. Catherine staggers back and covers her face. Giles: Show me... The lights go out in the classroom. Cut to the gym. Some of the cheerleaders are lifting Amy. Once up she thrusts her fists into the air and gives the crowd a big smile. Her smile fades as she has another flash to the lab, where she gets a glimpse of Buffy. She comes back to the gym and begins to lose her balance. Xander and Willow watch. The cheerleaders supporting Amy struggle for control, but they collapse. The crowd reacts to the fall. Xander and Willow see everything, too. Cut back to Amy. Joy: Amy, what's your problem? Amy shoots her a dirty look. Joy is taken aback. Amy gets up, looks around and runs from the gym. Cut to the lab. Catherine: She's coming! Giles looks worried. Cut to the halls. Amy violently pushes open a door. Willow stops her. Willow: Amy! Amy: Get out of my way! Willow: W-wait! I-I-I need to talk to you, I-I can help you. Amy: Help me? With what? Willow: Uh, well, y'know, all your witchcraft! I, I know this really good cauldron. Xander sneaks up behind Amy. Willow: Do you actually ride a broom? Amy twists around, growls and holds out her hand like she's grabbing Xander's neck. His hand goes to his throat. Amy makes a fist and twists it. Xander collapses to the floor, choking. Willow: Xander! Amy spins back around and punches Willow hard in the face, knocking her to the floor. She starts running to the lab. Cut to the lab. Giles is holding up his arms and chanting. Giles: Corsheth and Gilail! The gate is closed! Receive the dark! Release the unworthy! Take of mine energy and be sated! He plunges his hands into the mixture he's concocted. Cut to the halls. Amy slams through another door and continues walking to the lab with a determined look on her face. She tries the door, but it's locked. She yanks at it. Cut inside. Giles takes his hands out of the brew. Catherine looks at the door and sees it's being yanked on. Giles: Be sated! Release the unworthy! Cut back to the hall. Amy stops yanking at the door and finds a fire ax in a glass case. She breaks the glass with her fist and takes out the ax. Cut inside to Buffy. She can't keep her eyes open and is just rolling her head slowly. Giles: Release! Amy begins to chop down the door. Giles: Release! Buffy lies prone. Amy has made a hole, reaches through and gets the door open. She marches in, ax in hand, straight over to Buffy. Giles: RELEEEEASE! Amy starts to wield the ax, but stops when there's a flash of light and the spells are all broken. She is herself again. She looks around, a bit confused, steps back and lowers the ax. Buffy has her strength back and gets up from the table. Giles sees that she is okay. Amy: Buffy? Buffy: Amy? Catherine lunges at Buffy from the side and tackles her to the floor, knocking her out. Giles advances, holding his arm out and pointing. Giles: You... you... Catherine growls and looks at him. She uses her powers to force him back and push a table against him, knocking him down and out. Amy just stands there watching, still holding the ax in both hands. Catherine gets up and confronts her. Catherine: You! You little brat! Amy: (holds the ax threateningly) Mom! Please! Catherine holds out her hand and the ax flies from Amy's hands to hers. Catherine: How dare you raise your hand to your mother! I gave you birth. I gave up my life so you could drag that worthless carcass around and call it living? (swings the ax into a lab table) You've never been anything but trouble. I'm going to put you where you can't make trouble again! Buffy: (jumps up behind Catherine) Guess what? Catherine turns to face her. Buffy: I feel better! She punches Catherine, and she flies through the air, lands on a lab table and rolls off, hitting a shelf full of bottles along the way. She quickly gets up. Catherine: That body was mine! Mine! Buffy: Oh, grow up! Catherine growls, holds her arm out toward Buffy and uses her powers to send her flying against the wall. Buffy hits the wall and falls to the floor. She gets up, craning her neck. Catherine begins to cast a spell. Catherine: I shall look upon my enemy! She looks up at Buffy, and her eyes have become pitch black. Catherine: I shall look upon her and the dark place will have her soul! Buffy looks around for a way to stop her. She sees the pole holding up the mirror above her. Catherine: Corsheth, take her! Buffy does a standing hook kick, knocking the pole out from under the mirror and letting it flop down. Catherine's spell leaps from her hands and is reflected by the mirror back at her. The power of the spell envelops her and she screams. The energy twists around her and disappears with a roar, taking her with it. Buffy surveys the scene. Amy is badly shaken. Buffy sees Giles unconscious on the floor. He wakes up. Giles: Well, that was, um, interesting. Buffy gives him her hand and helps him up. Buffy: You guys okay? Amy: I'm fine! Giles: I assume the, uh, all the spells are reversed. It was my first casting, so... (inhales) I may have got it wrong. Buffy: You saved my life! You were a god! Amy: Well, I didn't think you'd pull it off. Suddenly Xander comes rushing in and grabs Amy tightly. Xander: I got her! I got her! Cut her head off! Buffy: Xander, what are you doing? Xander: Saving you? Buffy: Get your hands off of her. Xander: But she's evil. Giles: It wasn't exactly her. Amy: I was my mom. Xander: Oh! (releases her) Now Willow comes running in, too, wielding a bat. Willow: Where is she?! Xander: Uh, hey Willow! It's cool! Willow: It is? Xander: Yeah, I took care of it. They all just look at each other. Cut to Buffy's room. She scoops her smashed alarm clock into a wastebasket. Her mother comes in. Joyce: I don't get it. Buffy: What? Joyce: I've been doing a lot of thinking about... where you're coming from, how to relate to you... and I've come to a very simple conclusion: I don't get it. Buffy: I'm inscrutable, huh? Joyce: You're sixteen. I think there's a, a biological imperative whereby I can't understand you because I'm not sixteen. Buffy: Do you ever wish you could be sixteen again? Joyce: Oh, that's a frightful notion. (exhales) Go through all that again? Not even if it helped me understand you. She smiles at her daughter, and Buffy smiles back. Buffy: I love you, mom. She jumps up and kisses her mom on the cheek, then runs from the room. Joyce: I don't get it! Cut to the school halls. Buffy and Amy are walking together. Amy: My dad is *so* impossible! He doesn't ever want me going anywhere! He wants to spend total quantity time together. And I'm, like, 'Dad, I can go out, it's perfectly safe!' But he's got all this guilt about leaving me with my mom. And he's being a total pain. Buffy: You're loving it. Amy: Every single minute. Cut to another part of the hall. Amy: This Saturday night he wants to stay in and make brownies. Well, the brownies were my idea. Cordelia: (comes up behind them) Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got bumped back to alternate. (reconsiders) Hold it, wait... No I'm not! Amy: Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms. Cordelia: Ooo, these grapes are sour! Buffy and Amy stop at the trophy case while Cordelia continues on. Amy: (to Buffy) Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that you wanted to be on the squad. Buffy: Oh, hey, that's okay. Cheerleading's just a little too hairy for me these days. Amy: (takes a breath) That's for sure. They go around to the front of the case and look at Catherine's picture. Amy: Catherine the Great. Buffy: And there's been no sign of her? Amy: That last spell... She said I'd never make trouble again. Wherever she is I don't think we'll have to worry. They look at Catherine's cheerleading trophy. Buffy: Twisted. They turn and go. Amy: I'm just happy to have my body back. I'm thinking of getting fat. Buffy: Y'know, I hear that look's in for spring. The camera closes in on the cheerleading trophy. Catherine's eyes are looking out and she's making muffled noises.

Buffy tries out for Sunnydale High's cheerleading squad. The Scoobies at first suspect that Amy is causing all the havoc but discover that her mother, also a practicing witch, has swapped bodies with her.

fd_Bones_02x17

fd_Bones_02x17_0

"The Priest in the Churchyard" [SCENE_BREAK] (EXT: Churchyard cemetery. BRENNAN, ZACK and FATHER MATT are walking through it) FATHER MATT: This cemetery has been connected to our parish for almost 200 years. At 3AM the water main broke. Felt like an earthquake. Coffins were bursting out of the ground. (he winces) BRENNAN: Are you alright? FATHER MATT: I've had some stomach problems lately... this isn't helping. The last person was buried here over fifty years ago, I don't know how you're gonna figure out who's who. BRENNAN: With burial records, identification should be pretty straightforward. (she crouches down to a coffin) Alright, let's see. Female, forty to fifty years old, severe osteoporosis. Dress and jewellery place burial around the late 19th century. (spots another skeleton) This one's in pieces. FATHER DONLAN: What's going on here? Lorraine said you're giving them church records. FATHER MATT: The burial records, Father, so they can identify and re-inter the remains. FATHER DONLAN: Those records are my responsibility, Father Sands. You're to go through me before allowing their release. FATHER MATT: I'm sorry, Father, I saw no harm in it. FATHER DONLAN: I still run this parish. FATHER MATT: I understand. (BRENNAN approaches them holding a skull) FATHER DONLAN: I'm Father William Donlan. FATHER MATT: This is Dr Brennan, from the Jeffersonian, and this is... FATHER DONLAN: They can't speak for themselves? ZACK: I'm Dr. Addy. Are you one of those priests who smacks school children with rulers? FATHER DONLAN: That's not allowed anymore. BRENNAN: We do need those burial records, Father, and since this is a federally protected historic site... FATHER DONLAN: Fine. But I'll expect you two to show some respect for where you are. This is consecrated ground. BRENNAN: When did you say the last person was buried here? FATHER DONLAN: 1951. BRENNAN: This is a male, buried no more than five years ago without a casket. FATHER DONLAN: That's impossible. ZACK: There's evidence of trauma to the frontal bone. Looks like a fatal assault. BRENNAN: Arrange for a forensic team - Hodgins will want to collect soil for bugs and particulates. I'll call Booth. I'm afraid your ground was consecrated as a crime scene, Father. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) BOOTH: You know, the priest made a complaint. He said that you made fun of consecrated grounds? BRENNAN: No, I didn't. Perhaps I was a bit... colourful. BOOTH: Colourful? BRENNAN: Writerly. I'm a best selling author, Booth. ZACK: The victim is thirty to forty years old. BOOTH: He's an old-school priest, Bones. BRENNAN: What, so I'm supposed to walk on eggshells because someone believes that a plot of earth has supernatural properties because they waved a wand over it? BOOTH: It's not a wand, it's a... the church doesn't use wands... BRENNAN: Fine, magic wand. BOOTH: Magic? Holy water. BRENNAN: The terminology makes it real? BOOTH: Okay, you know what, I can't work with you on this case. BRENNAN: What, what do you mean? The victim was clearly murdered; we investigate murders. Together. ZACK: There's evidence of blood pooling on the frontal bone, and an absence of concentric fractures. That requires investigation. BOOTH: I'm not working the whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just sailed off with your boyfriend. BRENNAN: Funny, a man who believes in an invisible super-being wants to run my personal life. ZACK: Death would have followed quickly, caused by cranio-cerebral trauma. BOOTH: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God. BRENNAN: And at one time, most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth. BOOTH: You see what I mean? I don't think this is about religion at all. We obviously have issues, okay, that are affecting our working relationship. And you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion. BRENNAN: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God, I'll burn in hell? BOOTH: It's tempting. BRENNAN: Good. How about we get back to work? You know, I think we both still want to find out who killed this man. (CREDITS) (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) (CAM and HODGINS are examining the water main pipe) CAM: So... a shovel hit the water main? HODGINS: The shovel was found a few feet from where the water main burst, buried in a colony of worms. CAM: And they say Christmas only comes once a year. HODGINS: The metal shavings here match the shovel. Someone was digging in the cemetery and broke the water main, resurrecting the dead. CAM: And why was someone digging up the cemetery at 3 in the morning? HODGINS: Maybe he came back to dig up the victim. CAM: Move him to another location. ANGELA: Yeah, or bury someone else. HODGINS: Dark! ANGELA: Yeah, and this place is always so sunny. Here's our victim. HODGINS: Found casings from Eastern caterpillars in his eye sockets, means he was buried about three years ago. He has kind eyes. How do you know he had kind eyes? ANGELA: I had to make a choice, so, I chose kind. HODGINS: And you wonder why I love you. Is she not fantastic? CAM: You aren't seriously asking me to be a part of this. Get your rendering over to Booth so they can show the priests. I am gonna go re-saturate the dried blood, see if it's of any value. (EXT: Church gardens) (FATHER DONLAN is gardening) FATHER DONLAN: Murder? I don't believe it was murder. BRENNAN: It's not a matter of faith, Father, the injuries were definitive. FATHER DONLAN: You ever hear of the sin of pride, young woman? You could be wrong. BOOTH: Dr Brennan here, she's the best in her field. BRENNAN: He would have been buried about three years ago. FATHER DONLAN: I've been here forty-one years. I would know if someone had killed and buried a man in my cemetery. BRENNAN: You seem quite proud yourself. FATHER DONLAN: I don't need to be insulted. BOOTH: (whispering) Knock it off. BRENNAN: (whispering) What, the rules don't apply to him? (LORRAINE approaches) LORRAINE: Have you offered your guests any tea or snacks, Father? FATHER DONLAN: Isn't that why you're here? LORRAINE: I see someone wants his roast dry and overcooked tonight. Hi, I'm Lorraine. I'm the parish administrator. I have some refreshments inside, and Father Matt is there if you need to talk to him. FATHER DONLAN: Nicknames for priests. Last Sunday, he had the whole congregation holding hands. No wonder there's no respect anymore. BOOTH: Would you mind just taking a look at the sketch we have here, please? So do you, uh, recognize him? FATHER DONLAN: No, no I do not. BRENNAN: You're sure? FATHER DONLAN: I'm not senile. I can name every child I've baptised, every person I gave the last rights to. Every plant on these grounds, over 200. That's aconite, and this is origanum vulgare, and over there are yew trees. BRENNAN: You know, it was the Druids who first thought of the yew tree as sacred. The Christians adopted the belief, claiming it as their own. BOOTH: (whispering) Stop! BRENNAN: What? I'm just making friendly conversation. FATHER DONLAN: If there's nothing else, I'd like to finish pruning. You go have tea with the hippie priest. LORRAINE: Follow me. (INT: Church lounge) FATHER MATT: I've been here three years. The archdiocese was thinking of closing the parish, sent me here to try and breathe some life into it. I started a sports program for the boys, organised singles' dances... none of this has been easy for Father Donlan to accept. BRENNAN: So, you don't believe in all the supernatural mythology he does? FATHER MATT: Well, if you're talking about the holy trinity, the transubstantiation of the host, and the Resurrection, I certainly do. BRENNAN: But you seem like such an intelligent man... BOOTH: You have to excuse her, Father. FATHER MATT: No need. God has a soft spot even for the atheists. BOOTH: (eating cake) I'm telling you, this is fantastic. What is it? BRENNAN: She's trying to concentrate, Booth. LORRAINE: It's an orange berry pound cake. I'm sorry, I don't think I recognize him. BOOTH: How long have you been here? LORRAINE: I've been here 23 years next month. My mother died when I was twelve, the parish took me in. I've been the administrator for seven years now. FATHER MATT: Father Donlan basically raised Lorraine. BOOTH: Right, um, you're not going to eat that, are you, Father? FATHER MATT: No, it's okay. My stomach hasn't been too fond of me lately. BRENNAN: Then let's get out of your way. FATHER MATT: Perhaps a nap wouldn't be a bad idea. BOOTH: Is there anyone else that we can show the sketch to? FATHER MATT: Why don't you bring it to Mass on Sunday? We could pass it around. Some of the parishioners have been there a long time... you might have some luck. BOOTH: Are you sure? FATHER MATT: Agent Booth, I'm trying to build a community here. If we can't work together to help solve a crime like this, then I'm not doing my job. (INT: Car) BOOTH: You know, it doesn't help the case for you to insult the priest. We're supposed to be gaining their trust so they'll help us. BRENNAN: Matt wasn't threatened, you were. BOOTH: We're definitely not working well together. BRENNAN: Because you are bossy and judgemental. BOOTH: Problems between people, it's never just one person's fault. BRENNAN: What about Hitler? He did pretty well on his own. BOOTH: Bones, just... come with me to go see Dr Wyatt, once. BRENNAN: No. Therapy is a vague and inexact process. The man shouldn't even be called a doctor. BOOTH: Well, he helped me. I mean, are you so threatened that you can't even do a favour for someone you call a friend? BRENNAN: I will speak my mind, Booth. I will speak my mind. BOOTH: Okay. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) ANGELA: It's 7.30, Hodgins. HODGINS: I thought maybe the same shovel was used as the murder weapon. The metal residue on the skull is some sort of silver alloy. ANGELA: You said you were going to be finished in a minute. That was an hour ago. HODGINS: If I can narrow down the smelting process of the silver, I might be able to figure out what kind of weapon we're looking for. ANGELA: I love it when you talk about smelting. HODGINS: You do? (They kiss) HODGINS: Move in with me. ANGELA: What? HODGINS: We already live together, just... just move in. ANGELA: No, we don't. HODGINS: You've taken over my closet. It's over half full. And over half is the common law definition of living together. ANGELA: I have my own place, Jack. I need my place. HODGINS: I need you. CAM: (clearing throat) Do I have to throw cold water on you two? ANGELA: We were, uh, just... CAM: Oh I know, just try to keep it off the internet, okay? So, I have bad news. We've all been exposed to coccidiodomycosis, a fungal infection from the graveyard dirt we've been breathing. Symptoms include nausea, weakness, fever... HODGINS: I feel fine. ANGELA: Yeah, me too. CAM: ... decreased libido... HODGINS: I'm listening. CAM: (laughs) We're all gonna get shots. ANGELA: Yeah, that sounds good. HODGINS: Very good. Yeah. CAM: Thought so. (INT: Diner) BOOTH: She refers to God as my invisible friend. BRENNAN: You're talking to somebody who isn't there. I'm sure that the doctor questions your little fantasy. WYATT: My beliefs aren't at issue here, Dr Brennan. BOOTH: Clearly, she's intolerant, and it's affecting our working relationship. BRENNAN: Yes, he's very difficult to work with. (to Wyatt) Booth said that you could fix us, so... WYATT: What now is proved was once only imagined. The rat, the mouse, the fox, the rabbit, watch the roots; the lion, the tiger, the horse, the elephant, watch the fruits. The system contains, the fountain... overflows. BOOTH: What? WYATT: Oh come now, surely you get the reference. BRENNAN: William Blake. WYATT: Yes, Blake is telling us that we're all at the mercy of our fundamental natures. Nonsense of course, but when we understand our natures, we understand the resulting conflicts. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: I hate psychology. WYATT: As do I! It applies a patina of science over what is essentially a dark and complex set of roiling unknowables. BOOTH: You see... what? WYATT: You weren't fighting about religion. BRENNAN: But that's what Booth said. WYATT: No, religion provided the flashpoint you needed to expose an underlying issue. I will find out what that issue is, help you resolve it, and set right the balance of dark and light in the universe. BOOTH: Isn't he great? (INT: Church) FATHER MATT: Oh merciful Christ Jesus, wash away our sins... ANGELA: Shouldn't Brennan be here with you instead of me? BOOTH: We're dealing with a few work issues. ANGELA: Trouble in paradise? BOOTH: Just spending some time apart. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to pray. Thank you. ANGELA: Did you two sleep together? BOOTH: Do you see where we are? You don't talk like that in church. ANGELA: Okay. I... BOOTH: (shushes her) What does that lab do to you people? ANGELA: It's just that... this feels like a couples' thing. And now that Sully is gone... BOOTH: It's not. It's a work thing. So is us being here, so stay focused. FATHER MATT: ... joy, and eternal peace. Amen. I have an... unusual request, before I dismiss you today. We have Special Agent Booth and Miss Montenegro from the Jeffersonian with us, and they need our help identifying a victim found in our cemetery. (BOOTH and ANGELA pass out copies of her sketch) FATHER MATT: Now, I know none of us want to get involved in something so ugly. But as Jesus said, 'whatever you do for the least of these brothers of mine, you do for me.' So please, if you recognize the sketch, let them know. How about you, Enzo? Enzo never misses mass, right Enzo? ENZO: Sorry Father, I can't help you. JAMES: Excuse me? Could you give him a beard, make him... heavier? ANGELA: Yeah. I think I can manage that. FATHER MATT: James was an altar boy here when he was younger. (ANGELA finishes altering the face) JAMES: Uh, I think... does this look like Father McCourt to anyone else? WOMAN: Yeah, that could be him. YOUNG WOMAN: Someone killed a priest? FATHER MATT: Thank you, James. (to BOOTH) Father McCourt was here before me. I replaced him three years ago. I was told he left the priesthood. (INT: Church lounge) FATHER DONLAN: I suppose it might resemble Father McCourt. BOOTH: So much for that sharp memory. LORRAINE: Father McCourt wasn't here for very long. FATHER DONLAN: And the eyes are wrong. That's how you recognize someone. Father McCourt's eyes were hollow... cold. BOOTH: I take it you two didn't get along. FATHER DONLAN: I was his confessor. You know I can't say anything. BOOTH: (to LORRAINE) Can you tell me anything? LORRAINE: Just... he was very secretive. He'd disappear for hours at a time. Some nights he wouldn't even come back to the rectory. One day he was gone. Left a note saying he was leaving the priesthood. BOOTH: Great, thanks. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) ZACK: I've identified some odd post-mortem injuries on the old bodies. Snapped fingers, fractured wrists, abrasions on the ligamentum flava. HODGINS: I found traces of gold in some of the fractures. CAM: I don't get it. ZACK: The person who ruptured the water main that night was a grave robber. Dr Brennan told me she saw injuries like this in Tibet. Broken bones and bone markings from yanking jewellery and valuables off the remains. HODGINS: Yeah, which means McCourt could have been struck by a shovel, but also he could have been struck by one of the valuables the grave robber found. CAM: So our grave robber comes to a nice quiet graveyard, next to a nice quiet church, whenever he's in need of some extra cash. HODGINS: Only to be surprised one night by Father McCourt, who gets his head bashed in for his trouble. (INT: FBI Building, conference room) FATHER MATT: During the 19th century, it was customary to photograph the deceased before burial. BRENNAN: We have identified these two people. Gertrude Waters died 1873, and Horace Rutlidge died 1901. FATHER MATT: And their valuables were missing? BRENNAN: Yes. Dr Hodgins believes the grave robber is working in sections, focusing on the oldest first, where the artefacts would have the most value. BOOTH: Listen, who takes care of the cemetery? A landscaper? Janitor? FATHER MATT: Father Donlan does all the gardening. It's, you know, sort of his obsession. Other than that, the occasional parishioner will rake leaves or shovel snow. (he winces) BOOTH: You alright? FATHER MATT: You know, I can't quite shake this bug. And I've got a wrestling team to coach, so... do you mind? BRENNAN: You were in close proximity with remains - you were probably exposed to a fungal infection. FATHER MATT: Is that bad? BRENNAN: No. BOOTH: (at same time) Yeah. BRENNAN: It's nothing to worry about; I'll have my office arrange for treatment. FATHER MATT: Thank you. (INT: Jeffersonian, Angela's office) HODGINS: That is some serious bling. ANGELA: FBI's trying to track the jewellery to pawn shops and fences. I'm checking online auction sites. This stuff could net a fortune. HODGINS: Enough to kill a priest? ANGELA: Apparently. Hey, have you noticed anything going on between Brennan and Booth? HODGINS: This sounds good. ANGELA: There's tension. Ever since Brennan let Sully sail off into the sunset without her. HODGINS: Nah, I didn't notice. But then again, I didn't notice that you didn't want to live with me either. ANGELA: Hodgins. HODGINS: If you are getting cold feet... ANGELA: You would be the only one that would feel them. HODGINS: Angela. ANGELA: We'll discuss it at lunch. HODGINS: The Egyptian place? CAM: (entering room) Just got off the phone with the CDC. The fungal infection that we were exposed to from the graveyard is rare enough that they'd have records of anyone who was infected. But I need your samples for the strain. HODGINS: You got it. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) BOOTH: Yeah... you know, I got no problem with this place. It's where Bones and the Squints get their answers. See? WYATT: Thumbs in the belt. That's a very aggressive stance... very male. (BOOTH crosses his arms) WYATT: Crossed arms. Defensive. (BOOTH shoves his hands into his pockets) WYATT: Disdain. But let's not worry about what you do with your hands. What you must do is recognize your negative feelings for what is, after all, Dr Brennan's domain, and verbalize them. BOOTH: Verbalize them? What, now? WYATT: Mm-hmm. BOOTH: This place is too... it's too shiny. It's bright. It's clean. WYATT: Clean is bad? BOOTH: Death isn't clean. Especially murder, which is our business. This place is completely fake, it's bogus. WYATT: You'd like to destroy the entire edifice? BOOTH: Oh, I'd like to rip the whole edifice down with my bare hands or set it on fire. Except, you know, there's nothing in this place to burn... all the plastic and the metal and the flashing lights, you know, and the arithmetic. I mean, where is a guy, a normal guy who believes in intuition and the soul and good and evil... WYATT: And God? BOOTH: Yes, and God too. Where is a guy who doesn't believe in all this arithmetic supposed to stand? WYATT: So your problem with Dr Brennan is that you don't know what will or will not catch fire, or where you stand. BOOTH: Heh. What? WYATT: That's good. Now that's, that's very good. (INT: FBI, interrogation room) BRENNAN: CDC shows that you contracted coccidiodomycosis three years ago. The only case in the area. ENZO: Well, you know, I used to... I used to do a lot of odd jobs around the parish. I'd help Father Donlan in the garden. I'm sure that's how I contracted it. BOOTH: Nice try, Enzo, but your name also came up on the auction site that was selling jewellery from the graves. BRENNAN: Which you might have gotten away with if you hadn't hit the water main. ENZO: I want a lawyer. BOOTH: Yeah, nice way to get him to clam up, thanks. BRENNAN: What? So why'd you kill Father McCourt? Did he catch you? ENZO: I didn't kill anybody. BRENNAN: Ah, there you go, he's talking again. ENZO: What the hell is wrong with you people, you think that I'd kill a priest? BRENNAN: Your record also shows that you were assigned to court appointed drug counselling. ENZO: Okay, look, I had a drug problem, and I needed money. I saw these pictures in the rectory - jewellery just buried, you know. I figured no one would miss it. I didn't kill anybody, okay? Father McCourt and me, we never had that problem. I wasn't his type. Too old. BOOTH: What the hell is that supposed to mean? BRENNAN: I'm pretty sure it's an implication of paedophilia. BOOTH: I know, Bones, it's... who, Enzo? Who was his type? ENZO: Talk to James, okay? The kid who ID'd him. [SCENE_BREAK] (INT: Jeffersonian, Egyptian room) (HODGINS and ANGELA are in one of the beds) ANGELA: So is this really Cleopatra's bed? HODGINS: Perfect replica. For the new exhibit. We're just making it a little bit more authentic. Your feet aren't cold anymore. ANGELA: Nice try. HODGINS: Hey, I thought I was successful, but if you want me to try harder... (They kiss) HODGINS: We can't keep our hands off each other. I think about you all the time. ANGELA: Mm-hmm. HODGINS: Moving in is the next logical step. ANGELA: I have a lease. HODGINS: I have an estate. I'll buy out your lease. ANGELA: We only have fifteen more minutes. HODGINS: You said we would talk. ANGELA: Yeah, well, guess what? I got distracted. (INT: FBI, Booth's office) JAMES: I can't believe Father McCourt's dead. I mean, I thought he just took off. BRENNAN: You two were pretty close? JAMES: Yeah. I was an altar boy. BOOTH: Yeah, so was I. I liked our priest, but um... JAMES: What? Oh, you think what everyone else does, don't you? BOOTH: I don't know, what does everybody else think? JAMES: Because we spent so much time together, he was... touching me and stuff. BOOTH: Really. Because, you know, if he did, and you got mad one day... JAMES: And killed him? You think I killed Father McCourt? He never touched me, not even once. He was my best friend. My dad bailed on us when I was three. Father McCourt came to my ball games, he yelled at me about my grades, he was the only one who actually cared. It doesn't matter what you think. Father Donlan didn't even believe me. BRENNAN: Father Donlan? JAMES: Yeah. About a month before Father McCourt disappeared, Father Donlan came to my house. He said he knew what Father McCourt was doing to me, he wouldn't listen. He was screaming that Father McCourt was going to pay for his sins. I'm telling you, it was scary. That old priest was crazy. He was just crazy. (INT: FBI, interrogation room) FATHER DONLAN: Yes, I was strict with Father McCourt. I'm strict with all the priests who are assigned to my parish. BOOTH: How strict, Father? FATHER DONLAN: I'm not a New Age priest, like Father Matt. The church should be firm and act as an immovable bulwark in the face of change. BRENNAN: Actually, organized belief systems which fail to adapt to changing ways are demoted from religions to acknowledged metaphoric myth systems. I mean, no one worships Odin anymore, or Zeus. BOOTH: Thanks, Bones, I can take it from here. BRENNAN: You're kicking me out? BOOTH: Yes! All he can think about now is giving you catechism. I need him to answer some questions. BRENNAN: Wyatt's psychology isn't working. (BRENNAN leaves) BOOTH: Father, I contacted the archdiocese about St Agatha's and they said that quite a few priests have come and gone during your tenure. FATHER DONLAN: Given who they've sent me, I've done well. BOOTH: Who do they send you? FATHER DONLAN: Priests who need firm guidance, for the most part. BOOTH: In 1997, a complaint was sworn against you for assault. Is that your idea of firm guidance? FATHER DONLAN: It was not assault, it was corporal punishment. I found an altar boy drinking sacramental wine from the chalice. BOOTH: And you caned him? FATHER DONLAN: The charges were dropped. I learned my lesson, and I have never struck anyone since. BOOTH: Father Donlan, in your opinion, did Father McCourt pay too much attention to James Levay? FATHER DONLAN: You should ask James. BOOTH: I did. James told us that you suspected the worst. He was frightened at how angry you were. FATHER DONLAN: I regret scaring him. He's only a child. (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) ZACK: There are greenstick fractures on the victim's left ulna, as well as his fibula and some ribs. CAM: Probably defensive wounds received in the struggle. ZACK: There's no evidence of a struggle. These seem to have occurred post-mortem when he was dragged, probably for burial. But even getting dragged over rocks shouldn't have caused those fractures. The matrix of the bone was weakened. The cause could be genetic. CAM: Or it could be some chemical or medicine that compromised the tissue. I'll need samples to run some tox screens. HODGINS: Alright, see these tiny metallic fragments embedded in the victim's skull? It's silver. CAM: Then I'll assume he wasn't struck by a shovel. HODGINS: The silver was smelted using the lead reduction method. The flexes used indicate that it's from the early 1800s, probably during the Napoleonic wars. CAM: One of our old skeletons was ID'd as a bishop. Bishop Jersik. Died 1889. ANGELA: Yeah, his robes were worth a fortune. CAM: Let's find out if he was buried with something silver. A sceptre or a shepherd's crook or something else suitable for skull cracking. (INT: FBI, interrogation room) BRENNAN: Booth kicked me out of here. WYATT: For you to say kicked out means that you've acquiesced in the idea that this is his domain. BRENNAN: Domain... yes. He's good at questioning people. He can... he can tell when they're lying. WYATT: Can you? BRENNAN: I've learned a lot from him about people. WYATT: But? BRENNAN: It's not that Booth has a sixth sense. There is demonstrably no sixth sense to have. Obviously he reads minutiae of body language, pupil dilation... WYATT: Yes. You don't sound very satisfied with your own argument there. BRENNAN: Booth likes to say: there are more things in heaven and earth, Bones, than are dreamed of in your science. That's, uh, a bastardization of a writer named Shakespeare, from a play called 'Hamlet'. WYATT: Yes, yes, I was... uh, I was aware of that. So, if you're so uncomfortable here, why come? BRENNAN: Because something goes on in here. He does something. WYATT: And you want to find out what it is, dissect it, so that you can do it yourself. BRENNAN: Yes! WYATT: So that you can do it without Booth. So that you won't need him anymore. BRENNAN: No. WYATT: No? BRENNAN: No! I just want to observe. WYATT: Surely if you want to observe, you can do that on the other side of the mirror there; instead of insisting on being in this room, with him, out of your element. BRENNAN: Observation isn't just seeing, Dr Wyatt, it's experiencing. Ideally I prefer being inside Booth's head. You know, seeing and feeling things the way he does. Then maybe I'd understand. WYATT: Be one with him. BRENNAN: In a scientific sense. (Her cell phone rings) BRENNAN: Booth needs me. Hodgins has a line on the murder weapon. WYATT: Ta-ta then. We're done here. BRENNAN: Thanks. (INT: Church) BRENNAN: We need to know what artefacts were buried with Bishop Jersik. BOOTH: You see, there was no photograph of his burial in the paperwork that we received. LORRAINE: Well, I'm not allowed to pull interment records with Father Donlan's permission. Where is she going? BOOTH: Bones! You are approaching the altar - very sensitive area. BRENNAN: Right. BOOTH: Listen, you must have known Father McCourt pretty well. Did him and Father Matt have similar tastes? LORRAINE: Look, the only similarity I know of is that they were from the same seminary. BOOTH: Same seminary? LORRAINE: Agent Booth, there's so much suspicion and innuendo these days. This is a good parish. The Father makes sure of that. BRENNAN: What's that? LORRAINE: It's the chalice! BOOTH: Oh no, it's the vessel in which the wine is transformed into the blood of Christ... don't touch it, no... BRENNAN: It is going to be touched, Booth - it's silver and these little eagles are a common Napoleonic motif. BOOTH: You're saying that it's possible that this could be, uh, a murder weapon? BRENNAN: Yeah. Can we take this with us, or do we need to serve a warrant on God? (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) HODGINS: It's a match. The silver fragments in Father McCourt's skull came from that chalice. ANGELA: Well that officially looks the least like a murder weapon than any murder weapon I've seen. ZACK: The green bone response indicated that the injury was inflicted peri-mortem. That means he might have already been dead when he was struck. HODGINS: So, we have no cause of death? CAM: Yes we do. McCourt was poisoned. An alkaloid called taxine. ANGELA: Could it have been accidental? CAM: Not at these concentrations. HODGINS: Alright, I'll go compile a list of possible sources of the poison at the church. (INT: Church, hall - wrestling practice) BRENNAN: So what if they went to the same seminary? BOOTH: Well, then why didn't Father Matt mention it, huh? What else is he not saying? BRENNAN: This is intuition, right? You're subconsciously recalling pupil dilation, or some pheromones? BOOTH: You know what, we're not talking the same language here. FATHER MATT: No, no, no. That's not a butcher. Come here, Tony. TONY: Why do you always pick me, Father? Take Sam. FATHER MATT: Let's go. Watch. (He shows the boys how to perform a wrestling move) FATHER MATT: Now from here, Tony can reach around to my right arm, uses his left knee against my left hip, and... see? Tony's in control. I'm helpless, and he can score some back points. Good job, Tony. Let me up. That's the butcher. Learn it. Love it. Use it to smite your enemies in the name of our loving Lord. Pair up, get it right. (FATHER MATT joins BOOTH & BRENNAN) FATHER MATT: Phew. Kid took me down for real. That shot must not be working, Doc. So... what can I do for you today? BOOTH: Yeah, Father, I... BRENNAN: You and Father McCourt were in seminary at the same time. FATHER MATT: Right. But I told you, I never met Father McCourt. BOOTH: What, you guys never got together, compared wrestling moves? FATHER MATT: I didn't know him there. Did you know everyone who went to your college? BOOTH: You do know why Father McCourt was sent here? FATHER MATT: Yeah, I've heard the rumours, that's all. Do you base all your investigations on rumours, Agent Booth? BRENNAN: He has a point, Booth. BOOTH: You know, St Agatha's has been a dumping ground for troubled priests for some time, so it's reasonable to suggest that... you're one of them? FATHER MATT: I told you why I was sent here. I got work to do. (INT: Diner) BRENNAN: So you still think Father Donlan is the killer? I mean, Matt could have killed McCourt and taken his post? BOOTH: Why? BRENNAN: Because McCourt was going to come clean about being a paedophile, maybe accuse Matt if they knew each other? Of course, there's no evidence of that. I have no intuition. BOOTH: None. Zilch. BRENNAN: You have no analytical skills. I mean, you're all about emotion and feeling. BOOTH: Well... BRENNAN: They say that means you have a well developed feminine side. BOOTH: Who says that? BRENNAN: Psychologists. BOOTH: Oh... BRENNAN: What? You're the one who believes in them. BOOTH: Let's just stick to the case. We know that Father Donlan is this harsh, judgemental guy who keeps being sent these problematic priests. There's McCourt, there's Father Matt... BRENNAN: No proof. BOOTH: Yeah, but Bones, it happens, alright? Anyways, Father Donlan, he's getting old, he can't deal, so he takes action. BRENNAN: Old Testament action? BOOTH: Alright, there you go again, you're attacking God. BRENNAN: I am not attacking God, he doesn't exist, so how can... religion is part of... BOOTH: (speaking over her) Unbelievable, you know, God is not... WYATT: Quarrelling? Yes, of course you are. Uh, cup of coffee please, dearie darling. I am here to put right what has been rent asunder. BOOTH: Great, he's figured out our problem. WYATT: Yes. BRENNAN: From three meetings? WYATT: I knew what your problem was right off the bat, if you'll forgive the cricketing metaphor. The meetings were for fun. Booth never knows where to stand when he's in the lab, feels like teats on a bull whenever he's there. Ditto Dr Brennan in the interrogation room. Simple geography, sense of belonging, et cetera. BOOTH: But that's not the main problem. BRENNAN: He can't possibly know. WYATT: Yes I do. You're both afraid that the reason Dr Brennan didn't sail off into the sunset with her boyfriend Sully might have been because of her ties to Agent Booth. You are both quite wrong. BRENNAN: Why didn't I go with Sully? BOOTH: How's he supposed to know? BRENNAN: Sully is perfect! We communicated well, the s*x was incredible, he invited me to sail around the South Seas in a beautiful yacht for a year. I mean, why would anyone turn that down? WYATT: In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psychosocial development. Which, by the way, is an issue you should address, because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life. BRENNAN: I hate psychology. BOOTH: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is... your fault. WYATT: Mmm, on the contrary. If anything, your issues are more pronounced, given that your behaviour is being affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for someone else's destiny. BRENNAN: That makes sense. BOOTH: Oh, now you like psychology. WYATT: I think you'll both be able to work together just fine, now that your minds have been set at ease. And thank you, dear. Ta-ta then. (WYATT leaves) BOOTH: You, uh, feel anything? BRENNAN: Feel? BOOTH: Yeah, you must... feel something. BRENNAN: I do. You know what I feel? Father Matt has been sick a long time. BOOTH: He got treated for the fungus. BRENNAN: But he hasn't shown any sighs of recovery. BOOTH: So? BRENNAN: I feel that's weird. I mean, his symptoms should have cleared up by now. I feel that since Father McCourt was poisoned... BOOTH: We should have Father Matt checked for the same poison. Ahhh. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: We're back! BRENNAN: We're back! (INT: Jeffersonian, Medico Legal Lab) FATHER MATT: Poisoned? CAM: Yes, Father, by something called taxine. FATHER MATT: Father McCourt was poisoned? HODGINS: The poison's easily derived from boiling yew tree needles. FATHER MATT: We have yew trees at St Agatha's. CAM: Symptoms include nausea, vomiting, increased salivation, stomach ache, diarrhoea, spasms and death. FATHER MATT: Well, I have all of those. Except for death. HODGINS: So far. CAM: We suspect the poison weakened him, made him unable to defend himself. FATHER MATT: Defend himself from whom? HODGINS: Someone much weaker than himself. CAM: Say, an old man. (HODGINS tests a sample) HODGINS: Yellow. FATHER MATT: Yellow, what does that mean? CAM: The good news is, we know how to make you feel a lot better. HODGINS: The bad news is someone's trying to kill you. (INT: Jeffersonian, floor area) ANGELA: So things are alright? BRENNAN: According to the psychiatrist, we were both concerned that Booth was the reason that I didn't run off with Sully. ANGELA: It wasn't? BRENNAN: No, it's because I'm currently unable to live a life without tangible focus, so, you know, sailing around paradise with a man I adore... ANGELA: And you believe that? BRENNAN: Well, if I expect people to defer to me as an anthropologist, I have to concede to their fields of expertise. ANGELA: Right. BRENNAN: And our working relationship has definitely improved, so... ANGELA: Mmm. Maybe I should talk to this guy. BRENNAN: Why? ANGELA: Hodgins asked me to move in with him, but I'm... I'm not sure. I mean, what's the problem? Hodgins is perfect. I'm nuts about him. BRENNAN: I'll call the doctor. (INT: FBI, conference room) FATHER DONLAN: I'm certain that I'm innocent of whatever it is you think I did this time. BRENNAN: Can you identify this clipping, sir? FATHER DONLAN: Taxus baccata. European, or common, yew. BOOTH: Then you're aware that it's poisonous? FATHER DONLAN: Did you bring me here to test my botanical knowledge? BRENNAN: Both Father McCourt and Father Matt suffered yew poisoning. FATHER DONLAN: The hell, you say. BRENNAN: Is he allowed to say that? BOOTH: Dr Brennan's people can prove that the poison from the yew tree came from your own yard. FATHER DONLAN: Both Fathers McCourt and Sands? BRENNAN: It's why Father Matt has been so sick. BOOTH: Can you think of anyone else who'd want to poison these two priests, aside from you? FATHER DONLAN: No. No one. I'm going to need a lawyer. That damn Jesuit would be best. BOOTH: Are you confessing, Father? FATHER DONLAN: Yes. I did it. (BOOTH just stares at him) BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: When this goes to trial, Father, you're going to have to place your hand on the Holy Bible and swear to God to tell the truth. Are you going to be able to do that? BRENNAN: What's going on? FATHER DONLAN: Get me my lawyer. BOOTH: See, I don't think you will. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: You didn't do it. See, it's time to render unto Caesar. FATHER DONLAN: On one condition. I take the confession. (INT: FBI, interrogation room) LORRAINE: I never set out to kill Father McCourt. FATHER DONLAN: You poisoned him. LORRAINE: I saw the way he looked at James Levay. I tried to give him just enough poison to make him too sick to want to... but he, he fell and hit his head. He wasn't breathing. I had to make sure he was dead. I couldn't bury him without making sure. (BRENNAN and BOOTH are watching from behind the glass) BRENNAN: The heaviest thing she could find was the chalice. FATHER DONLAN: And Father Matt? LORRAINE: Wrestling! The boys were all over him. And I knew better this time. FATHER DONLAN: Less poison. LORRAINE: Father McCourt was a mistake, Father, I... FATHER DONLAN: Lorraine. There was no proof that Father McCourt touched anyone. Only rumours. And Father Matt... LORRAINE: But you - you were so angry at Father Matt. I see the way you look at him. FATHER DONLAN: Because he was sent here to replace me. What you saw was my own pride, my own weakness. Father Matt is a good man. LORRAINE: I was trying to help. I was just trying to help. Do you absolve me, Father? FATHER DONLAN: We're not alone with God, Lorraine. This is not that kind of confession. (INT: Diner) (BRENNAN and ANGELA find DR WYATT) BRENNAN: Dr Wyatt? We need you to do it with her. WYATT: W-would that I could, but uh, unfortunately my heart belongs to another. ANGELA: No, it's actually my boyfriend... asked me to move in with him, and I need to know if I should or not. BRENNAN: I told her to come talk to you. WYATT: Look, I absolutely refuse to be relegated to the role of some sort of advice columnist, or daytime television shrink. ANGELA: Well, Brennan says that you are the only psychological type who's ever made any sense to her. WYATT: Yes, well, now of course you're flattering me, so obviously I'm helpless. Alright, so, what made you think you should move with him in the first place? BRENNAN: The closet test. ANGELA: Over half of his closet is filled with my things. WYATT: I see, and what about your own closet? It overfloweth with his things, does it? ANGELA: Uh, no. It doth not. WYATT: Well then, I suggest you wait until it does, thus rendering you manifest equals. Tabling until that day, the vexed question of who should move in with whom. ANGELA: He is good. BRENNAN: I told you. WYATT: As a stopgap, you should remove enough clothing from his closet, so as to occupy less than thirty percent of the space. ANGELA: You know, the accent makes everything that you say sound really smart. (to BRENNAN, in a fake British accent) "Stop-gap". (BRENNAN gets up) WYATT: Oh, you're not leaving, are you Dr Brennan? BRENNAN: Uh, Booth and I have to put our notes together for the prosecutor, so... WYATT: And so, you and Booth, you making any further assumptions about each other? BRENNAN: No. No assumptions. Thanks. (she leaves) WYATT: Good. ANGELA: Look at that. You fixed them too. WYATT: Hmmm. ANGELA: Alright, listen up, Monty Python. You got it right with Hodgins and I, that's fine. But we both know that you are full of it on the other thing. WYATT: I have no idea to what you refer. ANGELA: Brennan didn't run off with Sully because she cannot live a life without focus. She stayed because of Booth. WYATT: Ah, now you're projecting, Ms Montenegro. Agent Booth and Dr Brennan are not you and Dr Hodgins. I stand by my diagnosis. ANGELA: You stand by the FBI. Your first priority is to get agents back into the field, solving murders. WYATT: Mmm. Your romanticism is endearing, but as the Bard says, "lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaking fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends." ANGELA: He also says "journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man's son doth know." (Behind them, outside the diner, BRENNAN gets into the car with BOOTH) WYATT: Hmmm. Excellent. ANGELA: You betcha. Monty. WYATT: You are good.

Brennan and Zack examine corpses, which have been spilled out of their coffins, due to a burst water main in an old cemetery on the St. Agatha church grounds. However, as they identify the individual bodies to be put back in their proper place, they find one skeleton that is out of place. Father Donlan, who runs the church, says all these bodies had been buried for at least 50 years and yet Brennan believes one of them was buried five years ago with no coffin. When it is confirmed the deceased was murdered, Booth and Brennan investigate the priests and administrator of the church and argue about the validity of religion.

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ACT ONE Scene One - KACL. Frasier is wrapping up his show. Frasier: Well, that's all the time we have for this afternoon, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, wishing you good afternoon, and good mental health. He goes off the air and starts gathering his things into his briefcase. Roz comes into his booth. Roz: Frasier, if I ask your opinion about something, will you give me an honest answer and not just tell me what you think I want to hear? Frasier: Absolutely, Roz. Anytime, all you have to do is ask. Behind his back, Roz puts on a new hat. Frasier turns around, looks - and heads for the door. Roz: Oh, I knew it. Frasier: Oh, no, no, Roz, I'm just kidding. I love it! Roz: Really? Frasier: Yes, it looks great. Roz: Are you sure? Frasier: Trust me. Roz: OK. It's just in my condition I'm just a little insecure. You know, every time I see something cute in the window, I remember how I look and I think, "no way." A handsome, dark-haired young man appears in the glass, sees Frasier, and knocks, grinning. Roz: Here we go again. Frasier: Gosh, that's my cousin! Nikos! What are you doing here? Nikos: [coming through the door] I was in the neighborhood, I thought I'd stop by! They hug. Frasier: Oh, it's great to see you! My God, it's been ages. Oh yes, I'd like you to meet my producer, Roz Doyle. Roz: [shaking hands] Hi. Frasier: This is Nikos, my father's brother's son. Roz: Well, I would have never pegged you for a Crane. Frasier: Oh, well, he's half Greek. He gets his looks from his mom. Roz: I'll bet he gets looks from lots of women. Frasier: Roz! Nikos: It's nice to meet you. Roz: Yeah, you too. You know, I never knew Frasier had a cousin. Nikos: I think he's ashamed of me. Why else would he turn down an invitation to my wedding? Frasier: You're getting married? Nikos: Yeah, on Saturday. Don't tell me you didn't get the invitation. Frasier: Well, no, it's the first I'm hearing of it! Nikos: I knew it. I knew Mom wasn't telling the truth. She said she never heard back from you. Frasier: She must still be nursing that grudge. Roz: Uh-oh, this sounds like, you know, personal, private, family stuff. [sits in Frasier's chair and puts her feet up] So, what's this grudge you're talking about? Nikos: Oh, it's all so silly. Mom has never forgiven Frasier for some career advice he gave me. And, trust me, he saved me from going down the wrong path. Frasier: Well, thank you, Nikos. Well, I'd certainly hate to miss this wedding. I wonder if there's some way we could work this out. You want to go grab a cup of coffee? Nikos: Sure. Frasier: Great! Roz: So, what was the wrong path? Frasier: Oh, Roz, it's rather a long story- Nikos: My folks wanted me to go to medical school. Roz: Ah, so what path did you choose instead? Frasier: We don't really have the time to into all that right now- Nikos: I became a juggler. I perform on street corners. Roz: Ah, I see. And all because of his advice. Tell me, do people sometimes toss you coins? Nikos: Sure, lots of times. Roz: [handing him her hat] Well, here's something you can catch them in. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Apartment Frasier has just delivered the news to Martin, who is having his blood pressure taken by Daphne. Niles is pouring himself sherry. Martin: You and your damned advice! Daphne: Mr. Crane, Dr. Rudnik asked me to monitor your blood pressure, and I'd like to get an accurate reading. Frasier: Stop pointing fingers. Why don't we try to solve this problem? Martin: I don't see how! She's a vindictive woman, and she's gonna keep on punishing us because of you! If you kept your big trap shut for just once in your life, my nephew would probably be a surgeon now, and I'd be going to his wedding! Daphne: There, now - 240 over 11. Sounds about right! Niles: Personally, I'd have loved to have gone, but this is clearly a snub and we Crane men have our pride. Right, Dad? Frasier: Oh, stop it, Niles! You're just afraid of seeing Cousin Yvonne, aren't you? Daphne: Who's Cousin Yvonne? Frasier: Oh, a distant cousin who has a slight crush on Niles. Niles: "A slight crush?" There are cannibals who are less man- hungry. Daphne: That's funny, I've always thought it would be kind of romantic to have a secret admirer, someone who longed for me that much. But I do see your point, Dr. Crane. When you think about it, it is kind of sick. Niles: Yeah, well, perhaps "sick" is a tad judgmental. Martin: I can't believe that because of your big mouth, Zora won't even let me in her restaurant! Frasier: Forcing you to go elsewhere when you have one of your frequent cravings for stuffed grape leaves and zither music! Niles: It's a moot point. We're not invited, thanks to Frasier's more-than-usually inept advice. He clinks his glass against Frasier's. Martin: Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother, and not see him for five years? Frasier: No, but I'd like to give it a try. Dad, I think that we should go to this wedding. Martin: Forget it, Zora doesn't want us there. Frasier: But Nikos wants us there! My God, I watched that boy grow up! I want to be there when he gets married! Daphne: I'd like to venture an opinion here. I know this doesn't exactly concern me, but I feel very strongly about this. I like zither music, and I always have! She goes to her room. Silence for a moment. Frasier: And we're back! Listen, Dad- Martin: No, drop it, Frasier. If my brother's wife doesn't see fit to invite me, I am not just going to show up. He gets up and goes to his room. Niles: End of story, case closed, that's all she wrote! Frasier: Oh, stop it, Niles. There are more important issues at stake here than you being mauled by Yvonne the Terrible! Dad is hurt, can't you see that? He misses his brother. Well, it's my fault, and I'm going to put it right. [picks up the phone and dials] I'm going to get in touch with Aunt Zora. Surely she'll listen to reason. [into phone] Aunt Zora? [she hangs up] Well, that's encouraging. She remembered my voice. Niles: Frasier, just give up. Frasier: No! She can't avoid me if I go down and meet her face-to- face. [gets his coat] I'm going to go to that restaurant. Niles: Do you have a death wish? She'll eat you alive! Frasier: Oh, I'm not afraid of her! Niles: Everyone is! Have you forgotten the family legend that when Hitler invaded Greece she joined the partisans just so she could strangle Nazis? Frasier: I have never believed that. She would have to have been five years old at the time! Niles: Well, that's why the legend says they were strangled with jump ropes. Frasier: Stop it! They go out the door. [SCENE_BREAK] WELCOME TO HELL'S KITCHEN Scene Three - Kitchen. The restaurant's kitchen, bustling with activity. At the center is Zora - a short, muscular Greek woman - tenderizing a steak with a mallet. A waiter comes in. Zora: Dmitri, pick up your order, don't make me hurt you again! Dmitri grabs a waiting tray and scuttles out, terrified. Frasier comes in. Zora sees him - and redoubles her assault on the steak, pounding the stuffing out of it. Frasier turns and runs, then steels his courage and comes back in. Frasier: Aunt Zora, I realize I'm not the most welcome person here, but- Zora spits at his feet. Frasier: It is not fair to take my mistake out on your husband, or my father! Zora ignores him and walks around the kitchen, issuing orders to the cooks. Frasier follows her, weaving through the maze of tables and counters. Frasier: They didn't do anything! Zora: [tasting a dish] More pepper! Frasier: You have a wedding coming up, you should be joyous! Zora: Sponge off this countertop! Frasier: Nikos tells me his fianc e's a lovely young woman from a wealthy family, that you like her very much! Zora: Mop up this slop! Frasier: So your heart should be brimming with motherly emotions! Zora: [picks up a bent skewer] When I find out who bent this skewer, I'm ramming it right in his eye! Frasier: [trying to lighten the moment] You know, I've always wanted to do this: make a trip around the Greek Islands! One of the cooks laughs. Zora gives him a vicious slap. Then she picks up a meat cleaver and starts slicing a steak on a cutting board. Frasier: Aunt Zora, my point is that we are family, and we should be together. And I promise that if you invite us to this wedding, I will never give Nikos another piece of advice for as long as I live. Zora stops slicing and looks up. Frasier: I'm through meddling, you have my word. And if you do invite us to the wedding, I also promise that I'll promote this wonderful, wonderful restaurant of yours on my radio program. Zora's expression is unreadable, but she seems to be considering it. Frasier: Every day for a... month? Zora hacks down and buries the cleaver in the wood, making him jump. Zora: [joyous] Frasier! [throws her arms around him] Frasier: You forgive me! Zora: Of course, of course! And you don't just come to the wedding! You come to the rehearsal dinner too! Tomorrow night, right here, because we are family! Here, eat! She grabs a spoonful of something from a pot and shoves it in his mouth. The taste is enough to make him gag, but he converts his wince into an emotive grimace. Zora: My very special kokaretski, for a very special nephew! Oh God, I'm such a softie! I'll be crying in a minute! She hugs him again. Frasier: [mouth still full] Me, too! END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO LORD OF THE DANCE Scene Four - Restaurant The rehearsal party is in full swing, packed with guests. A bouzouki plays in the corner, and some people are dancing. Frasier comes in, followed by a very tightly-wound Niles. Niles: Well, I hope you enjoy yourself, Mr. Blessed-Are-the- Peacemakers! Frasier: Will you stop complaining? The rehearsal went beautifully. Cousin Yvonne didn't even get near you. Niles: How could she? I spent half the time hiding in the confessional! By the way, Mrs. Pappas is having an affair. Zora comes over, followed by Martin's younger brother Ed with a video camera. Zora: There they are, my two favorite nephews! [hugs them] Ed, get me with the boys! [poses with them] You know, I am so glad you are coming to the wedding tomorrow. There is nothing sadder than a divided family, am I right? Frasier: Quite right. Niles: Absolutely, absolutely. When Frasier told me we weren't invited to the wedding, I- Yvonne: There you are, Niles! Niles: Just kill me now. Yvonne - a powerfully-built, curly-haired woman in a tight blue dress that shows off her ample cleavage - attaches herself to Niles's arm. Niles: Hello, Yvonne. Yvonne: I haven't seen you two in a long time! Niles: [eyes on her bosom] Oh well, I haven't seen your two in a long time - "you, too," "you, too!" Yvonne: Oh, well, we've got a lot of catching up to do. Let's go get us a glass of bubbly! Niles: Oh, you know, I don't think so- Zora: Oh, go on, enjoy! it's none of that sissy French wine, it's real Greek champagne! Frasier: Ooh, save some for me Niles! [N.B. A note for wine snobs: "champagne" properly refers only to the variety of sparkling wine produced in Champagne, France. Thus, true Champagne is a sparkling or "bubbly" wine, but not all sparkling/bubbly wines are Champagne. In fact, it is illegal in France for any sparkling wine produced outside Champagne to be called "champagne," or to even have the word anywhere on its label. The French also insist that this rule be followed by the members of the European Union, of which Greece is one. They also boycott any foreign sparkling wines that use the word. Although it is legal in the U.S. for winemakers to use the word, it is taken as a sign of class not to.] Yvonne drags Niles away. Frasier blends into the crowd. Martin comes in with Daphne. Zora: And here he is, my favorite brother-in-law! Martin, it's been too long! Martin: It sure has. Say, where's Walt? We got a lot of catching up to do. Zora: Oh, don't worry, he'll be here. [noticing Daphne] Who is this pretty young thing? Martin: Oh, this is Daphne Moon. She's my physical therapist. Zora: Oh. That's what they call it these days? [slaps him playfully] You dirty old man! She shakes a fist and moves off laughing. Martin tries to simultaneously correct her and mollify Daphne, who's saying "I've never been so insulted!" etc., etc. In another corner, Nikos introduces a pretty young blond woman to Frasier. Nikos: This is my fianc e, Mary-Ann Taubeneck. Frasier: Mary-Ann, it's a pleasure. Taubeneck? As in the Taubeneck Building? Mary-Ann: Yeah, and Taubeneck Park, etc., etc. That was my grandfather, the original robber baron. Nikos: Mary-Ann has some issues with her family. Mary-Ann points to her parents, a well-dressed, middle-aged couple sitting at a table, whose disposition is definitely more funereal than matrimonial. Mary-Ann: Look at them sulking over there. You should have seen their faces when I told them I was marrying a street person. Nikos: Performer. Street performer. Mary-Ann: Oh, right. Anyway, they've got it coming after all the debutante nonsense they put me through. [waves to someone] Would you excuse me? She walks away. Nikos: Great, isn't she? Frasier: Yes. How did you meet? Nikos: A few months back, I performed at one of her parents' garden parties. They were really snooty to me. That seemed to spark something in her. She asked me for a date right in front of them. That's how she is. She likes to play with her parents' heads. Frasier: Yes, well, so did Lizzie Borden. Nikos: What do you mean? Frasier: Oh, I can't help thinking that... nothing. Just a bad joke. She seems like a lovely girl. Nikos: Yeah, she really is. My family adores her. You should hear my mom, she thinks Crystal's the best thing that ever happened to me. Frasier: Crystal? Nikos: Did I say that? I mean Mary-Ann. I must have been admiring the beautiful crystal over there, that's why I called her crystal. Frasier: Yes, it's a good thing you weren't admiring the pork-butt! Nikos: I'm so nervous these days, I don't know what I'm saying. I guess it's just a case of pre-wedding jitters, right? Zora comes over. Zora: Nikos, Nikos, go check on the sous-chef, make sure he isn't into the ouzo! Nikos goes into the kitchen. Zora: Last time, he drank until he got his head caught in the duck press. Frasier: Oh, really? How did he manage that? Zora: [friendly menace] With my help. So, what were you and Nikos talking about? Frasier: Oh, now, now, now, Aunt Zora, don't you worry. I made you a promise, and I'd die before I'd break it. Zora: Or soon after. So, you met Mary-Ann? Frasier: Yes, yes, lovely girl. You must be very proud. Zora: Oh, and relieved! Do you know that crazy son of mine was going steady with a juggler for three years? Crystal- somebody. [Frasier's ears prick up] Can you imagine having a daughter-in-law who throws things for a living? It's embarrassing. She looks around, decides she doesn't like the lull, and smashes two plates to the floor. Zora: DANCE, people! Let us celebrate tonight! Zora goes off. Martin comes over. Martin: Hey, Frasier, thanks for settling everything with Zora. Frasier: Oh, it's my pleasure, Dad. Martin: But, you know, I can't find Walt. I've been waiting five years for this reunion. Frasier: Must be here somewhere. Now, did you know that Nikos and Mary-Ann have only known each other for- Martin: Oh, there he is! Walter Crane, Martin's younger brother [but older than Ed], waves. Frasier: Well, this is so exciting! You two must have so much to talk about! Uncle Walt, hello! Walt: Frasier! Marty... Martin: Walt... Walt: What's new? Martin: Oh, same-old, same-old. How's tricks? Walt: Eh, can't complain. They keeping you busy? Martin: Oh, better believe it. Walt: Well, what're you gonna do? Martin: Tell me about it. Frasier: It's amazing how you two can pick up right where you left off. DISSOLVE TO: Later Frasier wanders over to a shelf of wine bottles. Curious, he takes two down to check the labels - revealing Niles's face hiding behind the shelf. Niles: Psst! Put those back! Frasier: [noticing him] Niles! Do you realize how pathetic this is? Niles: I don't care! At dinner, Zora announced that I'd filed for divorce! Within seconds, Yvonne began purring so loudly my allergies kicked in! I won't be safe until this wedding is over! Frasier: The wedding I'm beginning to think might just be a serious mistake. Niles: Ooh, I like the sound of that. Does this mean you're going to meddle and get us both thrown out? Frasier: I can't! I promised I wouldn't! Niles: Oh, dear God, here she comes again! As Yvonne comes over, Frasier turns around, his head hiding Niles's. Yvonne: Hi, Frasier, have you seen Niles? Frasier: Why, no, I haven't. Yvonne: Oh! [goes off again] DISSOLVE TO: Later Daphne is sitting alone. Martin brings a plate of food over. Martin: Here we go. Daphne: How much longer do we have stay? Martin: What are you in such a snit about? Daphne: This lot. Thanks to your sister-in-law they're all sniggering about me being your "physical therapist." Martin: Oh, don't let it bother you. She's always been a pain. Daphne: You're telling me. Dried-up old grape leaf! Martin: Yeah, and she's one to talk about reputations, too! Between you and me, before she married my brother, she was easier to make than a peanut butter sandwich! Daphne: [laughs] Does everyone know that? Martin: Well, everybody except my brother. I mean, I love him dearly, but he's not exactly the brightest bulb in the, uh... Daphne: Bulb box? Martin: Yeah. Shh, here's Eddie! [Ed comes over] Hey, Eddie! Where's the camera? Ed: Aha, then it worked. It's right here. He flips up the tablecloth at the next table, revealing the camera pointed at Martin and Daphne's table. They blanche. Ed: I decided to go undercover. I wanted to get people just being themselves. Martin: Oh well, we were really boring, believe me! Why don't you just rewind it a few minutes and tape over it? Ed: Funny. Mrs. Pappas said the same thing. He moves off. In another corner, Frasier is seated opposite Nikos. Frasier: So, why did you and this Crystal break up? I mean, I'm not meddling, I'm just curious, that's all. Nikos: It was a career conflict. She's a juggler, too. You may have heard of her - Crystal Baker? Frasier: No. I, uh, don't get to street theatre as often as I should. Nikos: Fabulous performer. Fabulous girl, for that matter. But, she wanted to work in Paris and I wanted to stay here. Frasier: Yes, well, there's always pressure on the two-career family. Nikos: We had a big fight about it. Then Mary-Ann came along. By the time Crystal got back, I was engaged. Frasier: And how did she take the news? Nikos: She was crushed. But she's been wonderful, like she called me a few nights ago to congratulate me. We talked for hours, just like old times. She's a sweetheart. Frasier: Yes, she's starting to sound like one. Nikos: Yeah, it was really great talking with her. I felt happy... purely happy. Maybe the last time I did. I mean, since then it's been all the usual pre-wedding stuff. You know, the jitters, night-sweats, vomiting. Frasier: Nikos, I promised your mother that I would never again interfere in your life- Nikos: Interfere? You saved me from making a terrible mistake! I-I value your advice above anything. Frasier: All right, then. In the interests of your future happiness, I feel it's my duty to let you know- [SCENE_BREAK] Zora comes over. Zora: Nikos, please go make your Uncle Stavros to stop dancing on the table. Nikos goes. She sits opposite Frasier. Zora: Just once it would be nice to have a family gathering where no one leaves in an ambulance, am I right? Frasier: Yes, wouldn't it? Martin and Daphne are following Ed around, trying to get at the camera. Martin: Hey, Eddie, come on, you've been working ever since I've been here! You haven't even had a chance to chow down! Ed: Well, I wouldn't mind grabbing a bite. Martin: Well, hand me that thing, then. I know how to run that baby. Ed: [hands the camera over] Be careful, that tape is historic! Martin: Oh. Ed: I have interviewed every single living member of the family. I even went out to the retirement home and taped Nikos's great-grandmother - 101 years old. Martin: That's amazing. [Ed leaves] Wow, 101. Gosh, that's older than the century. She probably has got more stories than anybody else has... I can't do this. Daphne: Think you have to press this button right here. Martin: Oh, thanks. He ejects the tape and merrily drops it into an urn on the floor. Martin: Bye! Daphne puts the lid on the urn. They slip away. Zora picks up a wireless microphone. Zora: OK, everybody, gather round, we're going to have some toasts here! So, if everybody will stop what they're doing for just one minute and come closer... As Zora speaks, Frasier notices Niles peering out through the porthole in the kitchen door. He goes into the kitchen. Frasier: For God's sake, Niles, why don't you just hide in the men's room? Niles: Where do you think Yvonne is right now? [checks out window] Where have you been? Frasier: Well, I've been on the phone. I've been trying to contact Nikos's ex-girlfriend. Niles: The depths you'll sink to to get a date. Frasier: I am convinced that he's still in love with her, and she with him! I thought if I could get the two of them together he might realize it in time. Niles, I couldn't reach her, she's out working tonight. I had to leave a message with her roommate. Niles: Well, perhaps the time has come for you to- He ducks out the "Out" door just as Yvonne comes through the "In" door. Yvonne: Hi. Frasier: Hello, Yvonne. She goes out the "Out" door just as Niles ducks through the "In" door. Niles: -stop playing games and start being direct! Zora: [o.s.] Frasier? Where's Frasier Crane? Frasier: Oh, dear God. He goes out into the dining room. Niles follows him and sits down. All the guests are seated. Nikos and Mary-Ann stand together in the middle, with Zora hovering around them. Zora: Ah, there you are! Come up here and make a toast to the happy couple! Frasier: Well, all right, I guess a thought or two comes to mind. [takes the microphone] Well, I've known Nikos all his life, and I'm sure that he realizes marriage is a binding commitment, not to be entered into hastily- Zora: [sensing trouble] But when the right one comes along, you know it! Hmm? Frasier: And that it's very important to-to find the person that you're most compatible with. The one who makes you feel happy... purely happy. Zora: More important, makes me feel happy, eh? Frasier: Of course, it would be a shame to go through life having to say, "if I'd only waited..." Zora: Hey, what the hell kind of toast is this, anyway?! Frasier: [getting his last shot in] I just want to make sure that my cousin marries the woman that he truly loves the most. Zora: Oh, well, there! Cheers, everybody! [takes the microphone] Oh, thank you, Frasier. If I may say a word or two? My son Nikos and I have had our ups and downs, but tonight, at this moment, I can honestly say... what the hell are you doing here?! Crystal - a short, dark-haired girl still wearing a clown costume and folie makeup painted on her face - has just entered. Nikos: Crystal! Crystal: Nikos! I couldn't let you get married without... without letting you know that I-I... She can't find the words. Instead, she grabs some long breadsticks and tosses one to Nikos. He picks up two more, and they start relay- juggling them. Zora: Nikos, what are you doing? Stop it! Niles: [aside] How did she get the message? Frasier: Her roommate must have reached her on her car phone! Niles: Jugglers have car phones? Zora: Nikos, you are ruining everything! [to Crystal] You, shoo, shoo, shoo! They ignore her and finish juggling. Nikos embraces her. Mary-Ann: Nikos! Nikos! Nikos: I'm sorry, Mary-Ann, but Crystal's the one I'm meant to be with. Mary-Ann: I will never forgive you for this! She looks at her parents, who are now beaming with relief. Mary-Ann: Oh, see how happy you've made my parents?! She storms out in a huff. Zora corners Frasier. Zora: Frasier, he's lost his mind! Talk to him, he listens to you! Frasier: You remember my promise, no more meddling! Nikos takes the microphone. Nikos: Excuse me, everyone. This may not exactly be appropriate, but I have a toast too. To the man who reunited me with the woman I plan to spend my life with- Frasier: No, no, inappropriate! Toast time is over! Nikos: But we want to offer you our thanks- Frasier: No, no, no, no. You know what, everyone, why don't we do some bouzouki dancing? He breaks into a feverish routine that makes me hysterical every time I watch it - rapping out "Ya-da-da-da!'s" while dancing the way a marionette version of Zorba the Greek might. Zora: Why are they thanking you? Crystal holds Frasier's hand. Crystal: We owe our happiness to him. Frasier: [headed for the gallows] Why couldn't she have been a mime? Nikos: Once again, he saved me from making a terrible mistake. So, everyone, please lift your glasses to my cousin, Frasier Crane! Zora: Oh, I can do better than a glass! She grabs a bottle by the neck and smashes the end off. Frasier: No! Aunt Zora, no! Out of my way! He flees into the kitchen, with Zora right after him. As the noise grows, Niles and Daphne calmly get up and head out. Martin and Walt shake hands. Martin: Well, Walt... Walt: Marty... Martin: Goodbye again. He limps out of the restaurant. Nikos and Crystal kiss, the musicians play, the dancers dance, and the party goes on as the sounds of crashes and Frasier's screams for mercy continue from the kitchen. [SCENE_BREAK] Through the viewfinder of the video camera, we see Niles sitting in a chair, Yvonne enthusiastically pawing him. He motions to Ed to pose with Yvonne. The camera shifts around as it changes hands, then Ed sits down next to Yvonne. Then the camera turns over as Niles hastily puts it down, pointing at the kitchen doors. Niles hastily retreats into the kitchen. Yvonne follows him in. Niles retreats out again, with her right after him.

Frasier receives a visit at KACL from his half-Greek cousin, Nikos, who is planning to get married soon and wants Frasier, Martin and Niles to come to the wedding. They realize that his fearsome mother, Zora (guest star Patti LuPone ), did not send the invitations. This is due to a long-standing rift between her and Frasier: five years ago, he advised Nikos to follow his preferred career ( juggling ) rather than go to medical school as Zora wanted. Since then, she refuses to speak to or acknowledge him, Niles or Martin at all, and she imposes the same restrictions on her husband Walt, Martin's brother. Consequently, Martin is not keen to attend the wedding, and neither is Niles, in case he runs into cousin Yvonne, who has a crush on him. Frasier, however, wants to see Nikos happy, and after accepting his invitation, manages to reconcile with Zora on condition that he never gives advice to Nikos again. He finds this promise harder to honor than he expected, when he deduces that Nikos' affections lie elsewhere. He gets involved once again, ignoring Zora's warning, and Nikos calls the wedding off. Zora, in a rage, attacks Frasier who flees while Martin and Walt say their goodbyes once more.

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Oscar: [to webcam] Hello. My name's Oscar. I'm an accountant in Scranton, Pennsylvania and I'm gay. And I'm here to tell you that yes- it does get better. When I was younger, um- Phyllis: What's he doing? Dwight: He's searching out younger gays. Phyllis: Oh. Oscar: No, it's just a way to tell young people, no matter how hard it gets for them, there's a brighter future ahead. Dwight: ...with you. [chuckles] Oscar: No matter how hard it gets for you, eh- Kelly, seriously, I- Kelly: Just keep chatting. I'm just checking my makeup in your webcam. Oscar: Do you not own a mirror? Kelly: Webcams make me look the way I do in my fantasies. Pam: I know, right? What is it? You always look so good in those things. Kelly: I'm throwing out all my mirrors. Oscar: Okay, as you can see, I now have a cool job at a dynamic workplace. Being gay is a celebration of life, it's a simple- Robert: No, I'm sorry, I just can't sit idly by and have the gay youth of America misled by some reductionist- Oscar: It's not misleading. Robert: -pep talk. Sexuality is a spectrum. It's a paradox to think of any sexual activity as "normal." It gets better but it also gets vastly more complicated. Kevin: Hey, Robert, that guy, he looks just like you. [Robert backs into Kevin's nose] Ooh! [whimpers] Robert: Ow! Damn it, Kevin! God! Dwight: You okay, Robert? Robert: Fine. Dwight: Put some ice on it. Oscar: In any case, it gets better. [Kevin cries] Maybe- maybe not much better... but better. [SCENE_BREAK] Sasha: One, two, three! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I wanted to give a nice gift to the tenants in the building. At first I thought, "muffin basket." Then I thought, "What's even more precious to people than muffins?" [SCENE_BREAK] Jake: Can you just smile, please? Meredith: I don't want to! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: ...their own children. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hey everybody, just a few hours left for the free family portrait studio. Darryl. We'd love to see little Jada come by. Angela? Why don't you bring by your little angel? Angela: No thank you. Dwight: Jim, you've got those two cute kids. We sure would love to see them. Jim: I know why you're doing this, Dwight. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Last week, I may have gone too far. I'll explain it quickly. Basically, I found out where he gets his clothes dry-cleaned. Custom ordered the same suit, made with tear-away Velcro. And... you can fill in the rest. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Jim rips off his clothes] Wha-? [Stanley laughs] Damn it, Jim! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Now he's trying to get me to bring my children in to work. I think it's fair to be cautious. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Let me get this straight. You lost all of it. All your winnings. A hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Hide: Bad economy. Bad investment. Darryl: You mean to tell me no one wanted an energy drink for Asian homosexuals? Calvin: They did not. Darryl: And you got half a million of these? Well I gotta try it. Calvin: I wouldn't. Darryl: Aw, come on. What's the harm? [makes face] Mmm. What flavor was that? Hide: Coconut pen1s. Darryl: The coconut's pretty subtle. Calvin: Come on, man. Can't you just give us a yes or a no? Darryl: I don't know, man. Y'all quit with a lot of confidence. I mean, it was like, y'all came up in here dancing and everybody was- [sees Val] ooh, hold on a second. [sees Brandon] Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: If I were Val, I would break up with Brandon. Then I would date the hell out of me. I wouldn't give in to me too fast, let me buy myself some nice dinners and such. But when I finally did give in, I would go crazy on myself. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [wearing janitor outfit] Hi guys. Jim: How's it going, man? Andy: [whimpering] I'm- I'm good, thank you. And how are you? Jim: Great, yeah, good. Gabe: Oh, how the mediocre have fallen. Nellie: Oh God. Andy: Look, I'm not here to get my old job back. I had my opportunity, I blew it, I'm moving on. I just wanted to come in here and literally beg you for something, anything. I will sweep the floors, water the plants... Nellie: No, you don't understand- Andy: Clean the toilets. Nellie: I don't need anyone to- Andy: Pull the poop out of the toilets. Nellie: That's not even a thing. Andy: Just, please... Nellie: Andy. Andy: Please! Nellie: Andy. Andy: Give me something! Nellie: Why don't you clean the carpets for today? Andy: Thank you. Nellie: You're welcome. Up you get then. Pick yourself up. There it is. Andy: Thank you. Nellie: You don't need to- [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I have a delicious secret. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: Good, good. This carpet's overdue for a good mopping. Jim: Is a mop the most efficient tool to use on a carpet? Andy: Yeah, it is actually. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Mmm, I can't hold it in any longer. Um, I am faking this, okay? Because I convinced David Wallace to buy Dunder Mifflin back from Sabre. And at three o'clock today he's gonna walk in here and reinstate me as manager. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [enters with the kids] Family picture! Jim: Pam? No! Pam: What? Honey, we talked about this. Jim: No, we talked about not bringing them in to Dwight's photo studio slash trap. Pam: Yes, and then we decided that was crazy. Jim: No, we decided it was crazy not to worry about it. Pam: No, we settled in a much more rational place, remember? Jim: Nope. Pam: We decided that there's no way Dwight would harm a child. Jim: But are you a hundred percent sure? I don't think any of us are. Pam: No, no. Jim: Nope. Pam: But it's free. And we'll keep our eye on them. Jim: That's- Pam: Yes! Jim: That's- Pam: And we'll make sure Dwight doesn't do anything C-R-A-Z-Y. Jim: Okay. Kevin: Wait, C-R-A-Z... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Great, right up there. Pam: Yeah? Jim: Yeah. You just sit right here. Here we go. Pam: Okay. Jim: Alright. Why don't you just- Pam: Oh, great. Thank you. Jim: -give him to me and... perfect. Pam: Okay. Jim: This is great. Pam: You ready? Jim: Excuse me. Pam: There we go. Jim: Just do it. Pam: I'll just stand here? Jim: Yeah, just keep your eye on Dwight, great. Photographer: Sir, could you look into the camera? Jim: Let's do it, shoot it. Photographer: Sir. Jim: Great. Dwight: Up here. [whistles] Jim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dwight: Jim, right here, right here. [snaps fingers] Okay, good. Jim: Oh, so that's it? Dwight: That's it. Pam: See? That wasn't so hard. Dwight: Cute kids, thanks for coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Senator Lipton: Hello, Erin. Hello, everybody. Angela: Uh, what? Why? Uh, hi honey. What- how are you doing? Senator Lipton: Hi, you know, my office got a call that they were shooting family portraits right here. And if there's one thing that every politician instinctively understands, it's a good photo op. Phyllis: [laughs] Yeah. Angela: Heh. Erin: Okay, you're going to go through the hallway. Here's a map. And if you get lost, just follow the blue line. [points to line on floor] Senator Lipton: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Well, well, well. Senator Lipton, welcome. Angela. Angela: Dwight. Dwight: Nice to see you. May I hold him? Senator Lipton: Sure. Angela: No. I am going to hold him because I haven't seen him all day. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I think that Dwight is doing this whole thing to, um, get a sample of my baby's DNA to prove he's the father. Which... is impossible... because the senator is the only man I've ever been with. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [Phillip cries] See the duckie! Dwight: Okay, hold on for a second, folks. A few of the baby's hairs are out of place. Senator Lipton: Oh, thank you. Angela: [slaps Dwight's hand away] No. No. I like the baby's hair the way it is. Dwight: Really? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: This is getting more and more delicious by the minute. [gargles alcohol, chokes, coughs] It's go time. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey Nellie, I made soup - I made you some soup. Nellie: Well, I don't want any soup. Andy: But it's really good- [drops soup] Oh! Nellie: Oh come on, Andy! [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I know this is going to be a great payoff. Andy: A delicious moment. Erin: But after you're manager, some of these images are going to be hard to shake. Andy: Well, but it- Erin: Just calibrate. Okay? Calibrate. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Okay, here we go. Oh, you know what? I don't want to throw a wrench in the works, but I want everything to be perfect and the baby's fingernails are just bothering me- Angela: Uh-uh, leave us alone. Senator Lipton: I guess we're okay with the fingernails. Dwight: Okay, great. Suit yourself. Although, are those excess skin cells on the baby's cheek distracting to you as well? Angela: Dwight, we're fine! Senator Lipton: Oopsie, did somebody make a boopsie? Angela: Oh no. [laughs] Senator Lipton: I'm just gonna take him out and change him just for a second. Dwight: He defecated, aw. Senator Lipton: You're stinky. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: A lot has changed since y'all left, okay? You're gonna have to jump through some hoops. And the new foreman is here. Now she's one of the best we've ever known, okay? So I need you to show her your upmost respect. Make sure she feels welcome and at home, okay? Can you do that? Brandon: That's some pretty blatant complementing you're doing there, man. I don't even talk to her like that. Val: Uh, Brandon? Darryl: I would. Brandon: You would? Darryl: Yeah. Brandon: Sounds like you're trying to hit on my girlfriend. Val: Calm down, he's not. Darryl: Yes, I am. Just so everyone's on the same page. Brandon: [scoffs] So you really think she's gonna leave a guy who owns his own restaurant for a dude who ate his own restaurant? Val: Brandon! Darryl: Good slam. Brandon: Thank you, Biggie. Darryl: Good luck to you. Brandon: Oh, and have a burger for me. [SCENE_BREAK] Senator Lipton: Okay, shall we take a few more? Angela: I think we have all the shots we need. Thank you, Dwight. Senator Lipton: Okay. There we go. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: No! Dwight! Give me the diaper! Dwight! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Is this what you were looking for? Huh? Huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Andy, we wanted to talk to you. A lot of us are very concerned about you. Nellie: You're dirty, you stink of booze, you're limping inexplicably. Andy: I just want you guys not to worry. 'Cause old Andy's gonna be just fine. Jim: No, no, see? This is what we're talking about. I mean, what was that accent? And last time I checked, you were drunk and now you're not drunk... Erin: No, unfortunately it's true. He's been a nightmare. And the worst part is, he's been taking it out on me. Nellie: What? Pam: You hit her? Andy: No. That is not the deal. Calibrate. Erin: He's not hitting me. But, he's been verbally abusing me- Andy: That's not true either! That's also total- Everyone, please relax. I think you're gonna like this surprise guest. Gabe: [enters] Happy birthday to Gabe! Nellie: Oh, get out, skeleton man! Toby: I can refer you to someone to talk to. Andy: [his phone rings] Huh? Hold on. Toby: Give you a name or- Andy: I just gonna- quick- [answers phone] Hello? Hey, what's the scoop? Are you close? What? No. no, no, no, no, no. You have to come now. Traffic clears? No, next Friday... that's not gonna work. Okay. Yeah. Okay. [inhales, hangs up] Damn it! Well, this is not going to be quite as delicious as I wanted, but I do have a very tasty announcement for you guys. Not only am I not a lowly janitor, I am the regional manager once again! Guys, I got my old job back! Jim: Oh boy. Pam: Oh, Andy. Oscar: What? Andy: I'm not crazy. I convinced David Wallace to give me my job back. Oscar: David Wallace hasn't worked here in years. Andy: Okay, yes, I see the confusion. I saw David at the fundraiser. He is now a multi-millionaire because he sold his toy vacuum "Suck It" to the U.S. military. Jim: Andy, come on. Kevin: Even I know that's weird. Andy: I- I- Okay, I get how that sounds crazy. Toby: Hey, Andy, Nobody's calling you crazy, Andy. We're your friends, Andy. Andy: Stop saying my name. Erin: No, he's not making this up. Andy: Thank you, Erin. Erin: Andy tells me about seeing David Wallace all the time. Pam: But have you ever actually seen him yourself? Erin: Oh my God. Andy: Erin, come- Come on. You know I've been talking to David Wallace. Toby: Do you see David Wallace in the room right now? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [into phone] Operation Phoenix is a go. Just get the car ready. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Now you look at me like you're adoring me, I'm gonna look at the camera like I don't even know you're there. Ravi: I do adore you. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: Andrew, it's time for you to go home. You're better than this. Andy: Yeah, I know. Robert: Everyone's better than this, because this is the worst thing I have ever seen. [drinks coconut pen1s energy drink] Why'd they add coconut? I miss original. Jim: Hey. Others: Hey! David: Hey guys, long time. Pam: David, what are you doing here? Phyllis: Is it true you're buying the company? David: Okay, I guess the word is out. Uh, please keep this a secret, but yes, I've been talking with Andy- Andy: What? Thought I heard my name. What? I'm the new manager? David: I'll get to that in a second, Andy. Andy: But it's- it is- it is me? Right? David: Yes, as we've discussed- Andy: What? David: But it's very possible- Andy: Oh my God! David: Probable. Andy: Wow. From janitor to manager? David: Yep. Andy: That's quite a Cinderella story. From M-O-P to M-V-P. David: There's an official announcement, a few details to be- Andy: From total loss to total boss, I mean- Stanley: Can we expect any payroll interruptions? David: Now that is a great question, Stanley. Right now I think all your operations or most of your operations are pretty much down in Florida, so to shift back up- [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I was so looking forward to that and it did not... go as I thought it would. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: So we're not gonna be a part of Sabre anymore? David: Actually, nothing is gonna be a part of Sabre anymore. Jo Bennett's planning on liquidating the rest of the company. Robert: Oof. [laughs] Wouldn't wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. [laughs] I'm actually the CEO. David: Ah, I didn't realize you were standing there. Robert: Hey, my friend, trust me. This is for the best. I never understood that corporate mess. David: Well, okay. Great to meet you. Robert: Likewise, I'm Bob. Bob Kazamakis. David: Pleasure. Robert: I'd love to give you a little rundown on what I've learned about this place. David: That's very gracious of you, Bob. I would love that. Robert: Please. [laughs] Andy: Guess I'd better take off these dirty rags. Figure out how to be a manager of this place. Jim: Perhaps your year of experience managing this branch will come in handy. Andy: Gosh, I hope so. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: No! God, Mose! God! Mose: Hi, Angela. Angela: Get out of the car! Get out! Where is he? Mose: I'm not supposed to say. Angela: Yes! [slaps Mose] Tell me! Tell me where he is! Mose, damn it! Where did he go? Mose! Get back here! [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [taking photo with Jada] Let's see that smile. Go on. [waves to Val] Val: [stands next to him] Right here? Darryl: Cool. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Looks like I might get my delicious moment after all. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: May I say one thing? Andy: It would be rude of me not to let you say whatever's on your mind. Nellie: The quality of mercy is not strained. Andy: No. Nellie: It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath. Andy: Do not bring Shakespeare into this. How dare you play the bard card? Nellie: It blesseth he who gives and he who takes. 'Tis mightiest in the mightiest. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I just want one mother[bleep] delicious moment. Is that too much to ask? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: If I were to hire you back. If. What do you think you would do well? Nellie: Special projects manager, that's my background. I just go around doing whatever I want. Andy: All right, you sly b*st*rd. When can you start? [SCENE_BREAK] David: Okay everyone. I had a conversation with Bob, and since I am going to be CEO now there'll be no need for him. Meredith: Ouch. That's gotta hurt! David: But, he is going to be making so much money from the liquidation, he's gonna be freed up to do something much more important. Robert: David has generously offered to donate one million dollars in matching funds to a cause that's very dear to me. So, for the next three years, I'll be travelling overseas, concentrating all of my efforts on educating- mentoring, some African, some Asian, but mainly Eastern European women. David: I had no idea how pervasive this problem was until Bob explained it to me. Robert: Oprah Winfrey's leadership academy and other schools like it, while wonderful, end with high school. I want to see these girls right through college, especially the gymnasts. They've lost so many years of crucial education to perfecting their bodies. Muscle groups the rest of us can't even fathom. Andy: Gymnasts? You're going to seek out uneducated gymnasts? Robert: Yeah, so I'm hoping to identify some truly exceptional women who show great promise. Well, Andy, it's been fun. Andy: Mm. Mm-hmm. [they hug, Robert kisses him on the lips] Robert: It's been a great year. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hello. Angela: Where is it? Dwight: They're testing it now. Angela: How long does it take to get the results? Dwight: Seventy-two hours. Angela: You're gonna wait here? Dwight: Yes. [Angela sits and holds his hand] Angela: [Dwight kisses her] Dwight, I can't do this. Dwight! [SCENE_BREAK] Senator Lipton: Hey. Oscar: Senator Lipton. Hey, how are you? Senator Lipton: You didn't call. Oscar: Um, well, uh, the issue that I- that concerned me... Senator Lipton: You know what this is about. [covers Phillip's eyes] Call.

Dwight offers free family portraits in an elaborate scheme to obtain the DNA of Angela's child. After he steals a diaper, Angela pursues him in a high-speed car chase. After former CFO of Dunder Mifflin David Wallace ( Andy Buckley ) buys back the company, he re-installs Andy as manager and donates several million dollars to a mentor program California will join. California promptly leaves the office for good.

fd_Doctor_Who_02x02

fd_Doctor_Who_02x02_0

EXT. FIELD SOMEWHERE IN SCOTLAND A horse and carriage makes its way across a windy field, bells ringing. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE A procession of Monks walk into the yard of an old house. A man, the Steward, notices Father Angelo walking towards him, taking his hood off. He goes to meet him. THE STEWARD: Come now, Father. You should know better. You're not welcome here, and especially not today. I've got no time to start old arguments. FATHER ANGELO: We want only one thing. THE STEWARD: And what would that be? FATHER ANGELO (looking up at it): This house. THE STEWARD (following his gaze): You want the house? FATHER ANGELO: We will take the house. THE STEWARD (sarcastically): Would you like my wife while you're at it? FATHER ANGELO: If you won't stand aside, then we'll take it by force. THE STEWARD (skeptically): By what power? The Hand of God? FATHER ANGELO: No. The Fist of Man. He suddenly thrusts a staff into the Steward's stomach, knocking him to the ground. He kicks him across the yard and then signals for his Monks to drop their cloaks. They are wearing bright red clothing beneath. They swing their own staffs and a fast martial arts sequence follows, Matrix style, as the Monks proceed to fight against the household staff. When they are done with the men in the yard, they run into the house and capture the maids in the kitchen. Some of the Monks run upstairs and into a bedroom, where Sir Robert is knocked out. INT. TORCHWOOD CELLAR When the Steward comes around, he is in what appears to be a barn, chained up with all the household staff and the Lady of the House. The door is wrenched open by one of the Monks. THE STEWARD: In the Name of Heaven... He turns and spots Lady Isobel. THE STEWARD (CONT'D) (surprised): My Lady? Several of the Monks drag a cage covered in a tarpaulin. They leave it at the opposite end of the barn. THE STEWARD (CONT'D): What's in there? What is it, what's under the canvas? Father Angelo takes a few steps towards the cage, staring as if enchanted and does not answer. THE STEWARD (CONT'D) (urgently): Father, answer me. What's in there? Father Angelo turns to him, a haunted look in his eye. FATHER ANGELO: May God forgive me. He and the Monks rip the tarpaulin off the cage and the prisoners scream. OPENING CREDITS INT. TARDIS Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor appears holding a CD, whilst Rose finishes zipping her bag up and shoves it out of the way. She stands, showing the Doctor what she is wearing (a rather short dungaree skirt). ROSE: What do you think of this? Will it do? THE DOCTOR: In the late 1970s? You'd be better off in a bin bag. Hold on, listen to this. He bungs the CD in the player and 'Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick' by Ian Dury and the Blockheads blares out. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (wandering around the controls): Ian Dury and the Blockheads. Number One in 1979. ROSE: You're a Punk! THE DOCTOR (singing along): It's good to be a lunatic... ROSE: That's what you are. A big old Punk with a bit of Rockabillly thrown in. THE DOCTOR: Would you like to see him? ROSE (mouth open): How'd you mean? In concert? THE DOCTOR: What else is a TARDIS for? They're doing a funky little dance around the console. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): I can take you to the Battle of Trafalgar... the first anti-gravity Olympics... Caesar crossing the Rubicon... or... Ian Dury at the Top Rank, Sheffield, England, Earth, 21st November, 1979. What do you think? ROSE: Sheffield it is! THE DOCTOR: Hold on tight. He pulls a lever and they both lurch forward as the TARDIS shudders and spins through the Vortex. The Doctor whacks the console with a hammer to the beat of the music, shouting. ROSE: Stop! The movement stops and they both fall on the floor, laughing their heads off. THE DOCTOR (standing up): 1979. Hell of a year! He pulls Rose to her feet and they bound towards the doors. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (grabbing his jacket): China invades Vietnam... The Muppet Movie! Love that film. Margaret Thatcher... urgh... Skylab falls to Earth... with a little help from me... nearly took off my thumb. EXT. FIELD SOMEWHERE IN SCOTLAND The Doctor steps out of the doors, Rose behind him. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): I like my thumb. I need my thumb. I'm very attached to... He falters as he notices that they are surrounded by Scottish soldiers on all sides, guns raised. He puts his hands up and Rose follows suit. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): ... my thumb. The guns click ominously. THE DOCTOR (with realization): 1879. Same difference. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: You will explain your presence. And the nakedness of this girl. Rose looks down at herself. THE DOCTOR (Scottish accent): Are we in Scotland? CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: How can you be ignorant of that? THE DOCTOR: Oh, I'm... I'm dazed and confused. I've been chasing this... this wee naked child over hill and over dale. In't that right, ya... timorous beastie? ROSE (with an absolutely hilariously terrible attempt at a Scottish accent): Ooch, aye! I've been oot and aboot. THE DOCTOR: No, don't do that. ROSE: Hoots mon! THE DOCTOR: No, really don't. Really. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: Will you identify yourself, sir? THE DOCTOR: I'm Doctor James McCrimmon. From the... Township of Balamory. Eh... I have my credentials, if I may... He gestures towards his pocket and the Captain nods. They both lower their hands whilst he fumbles in his pocket and produces the psychic paper. He shows it to them. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): As you can see, a Doctorate from the University of Edinburgh. I trained under Doctor Bell himself. A WOMAN (from the carriage): Let them approach. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (still suspicious): I don't think that's wise, ma'am. THE WOMAN: Let them approach. The Doctor gestures towards the carriage, the Captain has no choice but to let them approach. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: You will approach the carriage. And show all due deference. The Doctor does an 'aye aye, Captain' sort of signal, and he and Rose approach the carriage. One of the footmen opens the door to reveal Queen Victoria. THE DOCTOR: Rose... might I introduce her Majesty Queen Victoria. Empress of India and Defender of the Faith. ROSE (curtseying): Rose Tyler, Ma'am. And my apologies... for being so naked. She laughs nervously. QUEEN VICTORIA: I've had five daughters. It's nothing to me. But you, Doctor... show me these credentials. The Doctor obligingly hands the psychic paper over, and the Queen studies it for a moment. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): Why didn't you say so immediately? It states clearly here that you have been appointed by the Lord Provost as my Protector. THE DOCTOR: Does it? Yes, it does! Good! Good! Um.. then let me ask... Why is Your Majesty travelling by road when there's a train all the way to Aberdeen? QUEEN VICTORIA: A tree on the line. THE DOCTOR: An accident? QUEEN VICTORIA: I am the Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. Everything around me tends to be planned. THE DOCTOR: An assassination attempt? ROSE: What, seriously? There's people out to kill ya? QUEEN VICTORIA: I'm quite used to staring down the barrel of a gun. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (on his horse, behind them): Sir Robert MacLeish lives but ten miles hence. We'll send word ahead, he'll shelter us for tonight, then we can reach Balmoral tomorrow. QUEEN VICTORIA: This Doctor and his... timorous beastie will come with us. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: Yes, Ma'am. We'd better get moving, it's almost nightfall. QUEEN VICTORIA: Indeed. And there are stories of wolves in these parts. Fanciful tales intended to scare the children. But good for the blood, I think. Drive on! Rose grins at the Doctor and they go on their way. Rose and the Doctor walk behind the carriage. ROSE: It's funny though, 'cos you say "assassination" and you just think of Kennedy and stuff. Not her. THE DOCTOR: 1879... she's had... oo... six attempts on her life? And I'll tell you something else: we just met Queen Victoria! ROSE (excitedly): I know! THE DOCTOR: What a laugh! ROSE: She was just sitting there! THE DOCTOR: Like a stamp. ROSE: I want her to say (She puts on an affected upper-classed accent): "We are not amused". I bet you five quid I can make her say it. THE DOCTOR: Well, if I gambled on that, it'd be an abuse of my privileges of traveller in time. ROSE: ... Ten quid? THE DOCTOR: Done. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The carriage pulls into Torchwood House. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE ROOM Sir Robert watches the carriage approach from an upstairs window, looking extremely uneasy. SIR ROBERT: I can't do this. It's treason. FATHER ANGELO (appearing behind him): Then your wife will suffer the consequences. And believe me, Sir Robert... she will be devoured. Sir Robert closes his eyes, helpless. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE One of the footmen opens the door of the carriage and helps Queen Victoria down. Sir Robert emerges from a doorway and approaches her, Father Angelo behind him. SIR ROBERT: Your Majesty. He bows. QUEEN VICTORIA: Sir Robert. My apologies for the emergency. And how is Lady Isobel? SIR ROBERT: She's... indisposed, I'm afraid. She's gone to Edinburgh for the season. And she's taken the cook with her, the kitchens are barely stocked... I wouldn't blame Your Majesty if you wanted to ride on. The Doctor cocks his head to one side, watching him, recognizing that Sir Robert would rather the Queen stayed away. QUEEN VICTORIA (cheerfully): Oh, not at all! I've had quite enough carriage exercise. And this is... charming. If rustic. It's my first visit to this house. My late husband spoke of it often. The Torchwood Estate. Now, shall we go inside? Sir Robert is evidently reluctant, but the Queen does not notice. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): And please excuse the naked girl. ROSE: Sorry. THE DOCTOR: She's a feral child. I bought her for sixpence in old London Town. It was her or the Elephant Man, so... ROSE: Thinks he's funny but I'm so not amused. She looks pointedly at Queen Victoria. ROSE (CONT'D): What do you think, Ma'am? QUEEN VICTORIA: It hardly matters. Shall we proceed? Sir Robert nods and they begin to make their way into the house. ROSE (to the Doctor): So close. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: Makerson and Ramsey, you will escort the Property. Hurry up. SOLDIER 1: Yes, sir. SOLDIER 2: Yes, sir. One of the soldiers takes a small wooden box from the carriage and carries it carefully to the house. THE DOCTOR (interested): What's in there, then? CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: Property of the Crown. You will dismiss any further thoughts, sir. The Doctor pulls a face to Rose. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (CONT'D): The rest of you go to the rear of the house. Assume your designated positions. SOLDIER: You heard the orders. Positions, sir. The Doctor nods towards the house and he and Rose follow the others. The prisoners watch the shadows go past the door, fear in their eyes. The Host raises a finger to his lips and makes a "shushing" sound. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE One of the soldiers places the wooden box carefully inside a safe. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: Guard it with your life. The door is shut. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE OBSERVATORY Sir Robert enters the Observatory, followed by the Queen, Rose, the Doctor, Father Angelo and two of the Monks (who are disguised as household staff). There is what looks like an enormous telescope in the middle of the room. QUEEN VICTORIA: This, I take it, is the famous Endeavour. SIR ROBERT: All my father's work. Built by hand in his final years. Became something of an obsession... he spent his money on this rather than caring for the house or himself. THE DOCTOR (smiling): I wish I'd met him, I like him. That thing's beautiful. Can I um...? He gestures towards it. SIR ROBERT: Help yourself. The Doctor and Rose move forward to examine the telescope and the wheel next to it. THE DOCTOR: What did he model it on? SIR ROBERT: I know nothing about it. To be honest, most of us thought him a little... shall we say, eccentric. The Doctor gives a dopey laugh. SIR ROBERT (CONT'D): I wish now I'd spent more time with him. And listened to his stories. He glances at the Queen. THE DOCTOR (peering through it): It's a bit rubbish. Rose turns, grinning. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): How many prisms has it got? Way too many. The magnification's gone right over the top, that's stupid kind of a... (Quietly, to Rose): Am I being rude again? ROSE: Yep. THE DOCTOR (quickly): But it's pretty! It's very... pretty. Rose pats him fondly on the arm. QUEEN VICTORIA: And the imagination of it should be applauded. ROSE: Mm! Thought you might disapprove, Your Majesty. Stargazing. Isn't that a bit fanciful? Queen Victoria stares at her. ROSE (CONT'D): You could easily... not be amused, or something...? No? QUEEN VICTORIA: This device surveys the infinite work of God. The Doctor shakes his head at Rose with a vague smile on his face. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): What could be finer? Sir Robert's father was an example to us all. A polymath. Steeped in astronomy and sciences, yet equally well versed in folklore and fairytales. THE DOCTOR: Stars and magic. I like him more and more. He wanders around the telescope to examine it some more. QUEEN VICTORIA: Oh, my late husband enjoyed his company. (To Rose): Prince Albert himself was acquainted with many rural superstitions, coming as he did from Saxe Coburg. THE DOCTOR (in Roses's ear): That's Bavaria. QUEEN VICTORIA (turning to Sir Robert): When Albert was told about your local wolf, he was transported. THE DOCTOR: So, what's this wolf, then? SIR ROBERT: It's just a story. THE DOCTOR: Then tell it. Sir Robert glances around at Father Angelo very uncomfortably. SIR ROBERT (haltingly): It's said that... FATHER ANGELO: Excuse me, sir. Perhaps her Majesty's party could repair to their rooms. It's almost dark. SIR ROBERT: Of course. Yes, of course. QUEEN VICTORIA: And then supper. And... could we find some clothes for Miss Tyler? I'm tired of nakedness. ROSE (pointedly): It's not amusing, is it? Queen Victoria glances around at her and decides to ignore this comment and turns back to Sir Robert. The Doctor mutters something to Rose who pokes him in the chest. QUEEN VICTORIA: Sir Robert, your wife must've left some clothes. See to it. We shall dine at seven. And talk some more of this wolf. After all... there is a full moon tonight. SIR ROBERT: So there is, Ma'am. He bows, and the Queen leaves the room followed by the others. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The sun is setting over the house. INT. A TORCHWOOD HOUSE BEDROOM Rose goes to one of the wardrobes and opens the door, finding a brown dress which she holds up to herself in the mirror. She almost immediately puts it back. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE KITCHENS The Monks are carefully brewing some sort of drink with mistletoe. INT. A TORCHWOOD HOUSE BEDROOM Rose holds a frilly blouse up to herself, laughs, and puts it back in the wardrobe. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE Father Angelo gives the mugs to the soldiers standing on guard. INT. A TORCHWOOD HOUSE BEDROOM Rose holds a pretty blue dress up to herself and twirls around a bit. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The guards sip the brew inside the mugs. INT. A TORCHWOOD HOUSE BEDROOM Rose places the dress down on the bed, crosses the room and opens another wardrobe door. She screams, a young maid, Flora, is crouched inside, breathing heavily with fear. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE One by one, the guards keel over, unconscious. The Monks hurry over and take their guns. INT. A TORCHWOOD HOUSE BEDROOM Rose and Flora are sitting on the bed. FLORA (scared): They came through the house. The incitements, they took the Steward and the Master. And my Lady. Rose squeezes her hand comfortingly. ROSE: Listen... I've got a friend, he's called the Doctor, he'll know what to do. You've gotta come with me. FLORA: Oh, but I can't, Miss. ROSE: What's your name? FLORA: Flora. ROSE (comfortingly): Flora, we'll be safe. There's more people arrived downstairs; soldiers and everything, and they can help us. I promise. Come on. Okay? Come on. Rose peers cautiously out of the door and seeing that the coast is clear, takes Flora's hand and leads her down the corridor. Just around the corner lies one of the unconscious guards. FLORA: Oh, Miss. I did warn you! Rose kneels and feels for a pulse. ROSE: He's not dead... I don't think, he must be drugged or something. Flora is grabbed from behind by Father Angelo and his hand stifles a scream. She is dragged away, and before Rose can react, she is also grabbed and dragged away. One of the Monks drags the guard away. Father Angelo steps over his body and goes through a door into the dining room. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE DINING ROOM FATHER ANGELO (to the Doctor): Your companion begs an apology, Doctor. Her clothing has somewhat delayed her. THE DOCTOR: Oh, that's all right. Save her a wee bit of ham. QUEEN VICTORIA: The feral child could probably eat it raw. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (laughing): Very wise, Ma'am! Very witty! QUEEN VICTORIA (staring at him appraisingly): Slightly witty, perhaps. I know you rarely get the chance to dine with me, Captain, but don't get too excited... I shall contain my wit in case I do you further injury. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (meekly): Yes, Ma'am. Sorry, Ma'am. THE DOCTOR: Besides, we're all waiting on Sir Robert! Come, Sir! You promised us a tale of nightmares. QUEEN VICTORIA: Indeed. Since my husband's death, I find myself with more of a taste for supernatural fiction. THE DOCTOR: You must miss him. QUEEN VICTORIA (looking at the Doctor): Very much. She seems to be lost in her thoughts, very sad. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): Oh, completely. And that's the charm of a ghost story, isn't it? Not the scares and chills, that's just for children, but the... hope of some contact with the great beyond. The Doctor is looking at her intensely. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): We all want some message from that place... it's the Creator's greatest mystery that we are allowed no such consolation. The dead stay silent. And we must wait. She shrugs herself out of this line of though, but the Doctor remains solemn, looking down as he is probably remembering his own people. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): Come! Begin your tale, Sir Robert. There's a chill in the air. The wind is howling through the eaves. Tell us of monsters! INT. TORCHWOOD CELLAR The Host is sitting quietly in his cage. LADY ISOBEL: Don't make a sound. They said if we scream or shout, then he will slaughter us. ROSE: But... he's in a cage. He's a prisoner. He's the same as us. LADY ISOBEL (voice full of fear): He's nothing like us. That creature is not mortal. The Host raises his head slowly and opens his eyes... which are completely black. Lady Isobel and her household staff whimper, and Rose stares, scared. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE DINING ROOM SIR ROBERT: The story goes back three hundred years. Every full moon, the howling rings through the valley. The next morning, livestock is found ripped apart and... devoured. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (comfortably): Tales like this just disguise the work of thieves. Steal a sheep and blame a wolf, simple as that. Queen Victoria looks mildly irritated at this. SIR ROBERT: But sometimes a child goes missing. Once in a generation. A boy will vanish from his homestead. INT. TORCHWOOD CELLAR Rose stands. She's going to approach the Host. LADY ISOBEL: Don't, child. Rose ignores her. She edges slowly towards the Host, chains rattling slightly. When she's as close as the chains will allow her, she kneels. ROSE: Who are you? THE STEWARD: Don't enrage him. ROSE: Where are you from? You're not from Earth. What planet are you from? THE HOST: Ohhh... intelligence... ROSE: Where were you born? THE HOST: This body... ten miles away... a weakling, heartsick boy. Stolen away at night by the brethren from my cultivation. I carved out his soul and sat in his heart. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE DINING ROOM THE DOCTOR: Are there descriptions of the creature? SIR ROBERT: Oh yes, Doctor. Drawings and woodcarvings. And it's not merely a wolf. It's more than that. This is a man who becomes an animal. THE DOCTOR (leaning forward, intrigued): A werewolf? INT. TORCHWOOD CELLAR ROSE: All right... so the body's human... but what about you? The thing inside? THE HOST: So far from home. ROSE: If you wanna get back home, we can help. THE HOST: Why would I leave this place? A world of industry, of workforce and warfare. I could turn it to such purpose. ROSE: How would you do that? THE HOST: I would migrate to the Holy Monarch. ROSE: You mean Queen Victoria? THE HOST: With one bite, I would pass into her blood. And then it begins. The Empire of the Wolf! So many questions... He suddenly lunges forward, making the prisoners, including Rose, jump and gasp. THE HOST (CONT'D): Look! Inside your eyes! You've seen it too! ROSE: Seen what? THE HOST: The Wolf! There is something of the Wolf about you! Rose stares at him, breathing heavily. ROSE: I don't know what you mean. THE HOST: You burnt like the sun, but all I require is the moon. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The moon has risen over the estate. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE DINING ROOM SIR ROBERT: My father didn't treat it as a story. He said it was fact. He even claimed to have communed with the beast, to have learned its purpose. Father Angelo's attention is caught by something outside the window. SIR ROBERT (CONT'D) (regretfully): I should've listened. He glances around at Father Angelo. SIR ROBERT (CONT'D) (speaking quickly): His work was hindered... he made enemies. There's a Monastery in the Glen of Saint Catherine. The Brethren opposed my father's investigations. QUEEN VICTORIA: Perhaps they thought his work ungodly. SIR ROBERT: That's what I thought. But now I wonder... what if they had a different reason for wanting the story kept quiet? It comes to the Doctor's attention that Father Angelo is stood by the window, chanting in Latin under his breath, the same phrase, over and over again: "lupus deus est". SIR ROBERT (CONT'D): What if they turned from God and worshipped the wolf? THE DOCTOR (watching Father Angelo, the penny dropping...): And what if they were with us right now? INT. TORCHWOOD CELLAR The doors of the cellar are thrown open and the moonlight floods in, over the Host's cage. He presses his face against the bars with a blissful smile. THE HOST: Moonlight... The prisoners shift around uncomfortably, not knowing what to make of this. The Host sheds his cloak. A wind blows through the cellar. The Host grasps the bars of the cage. ROSE (urgently): All of you! Stop looking at it! Flora, don't look. Listen to me. Grab hold of the chain and pull! Rose pulls on the chain. ROSE (CONT'D): Come on! With me! Pull! There are growling sounds emitting from the cage, and Lady Isobel is just staring at it in horror. ROSE (CONT'D): I said pull! Stop your whining and listen to me! All of you! And that means you, your Ladyship! Now come on, pull! They all stand and help Rose pull on the chain, trying to free it from the wall. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE DINING ROOM Father Angelo is still stood by the window, chanting. The room is chaos. QUEEN VICTORIA: What is the meaning of this? CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (pointing a gun at Sir Robert): Explain yourself, Sir Robert! QUEEN VICTORIA: What's happening... SIR ROBERT: I'm sorry, Your Majesty, they've got my wife. THE DOCTOR (shouting at Father Angelo, and in his concern, losing his Scottish accent): Rose! Where's Rose? Where is she?! Father Angelo ignores him and carries on chanting. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Sir Robert, come on! They both run from the room. Captain Reynolds' gun is pointed directly at Father Angelo. INT. TORCHWOOD CELLAR The Host is slowly transforming into a wolf. He screams in pain as his skin bulges horribly. His screams turn into growls as he begins to look more and more like a wolf. ROSE: .... three... Pull! They all tug on the chain, desperately trying to free themselves. The transformation is all but complete. ROSE (CONT'D): One... two... three... pull! INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE DINING ROOM CAPTAIN REYNOLDS (to Father Angelo): Tell me, sir. I demand to know your intention! FATHER ANGELO: Lupus deus est. Lupus deus est. Lu... CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: What is it that you want? Father Angelo stops chanting. He turns to Captain Reynolds, who has his gun pointed directly at him. FATHER ANGELO: The throne. He very suddenly wrenches Captain Reynolds' gun aside and hits him. The Queen's eyes widen. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The Doctor and Sir Robert run down a corridor. INT. TORCHWOOD CELLAR The werewolf's transformation is complete. It growls and flexes its claws as the prisoners scream. ROSE: One, two, three, pull! And finally, the chain comes free. The Doctor kicks down the door to the cellar. ROSE (CONT'D): Where the hell have you been?? The Doctor turns and stares at the werewolf with wide-eyed awe as it grabs hold of the bars of the cage. THE DOCTOR: Oh, that's beautiful! SIR ROBERT (to his wife): Get out! The wolf begins the bend and break the bars, throwing the cage off. The household staff are all clamoring to get out of the room. The Doctor suddenly remembers the urgency of the situation and turns back to them. THE DOCTOR (ushering everyone): Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! ROSE: Come on... The werewolf stands tall, free of the cage. He throws the top of it across the room, narrowly missing the Doctor who finally stops staring and makes a run for it. He slams the door behind him and locks it with his sonic screwdriver. The wolf stretches up and howls at the moon. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE DINING ROOM The Queen and Father Angelo remain in the dining room, standing facing each other across the table. QUEEN VICTORIA: I take it, sir, that you halted my train to bring me here? FATHER ANGELO: We have waited so long for one of your journeys to coincide with the moon. QUEEN VICTORIA: Then you have waited in vain. After six attempts on my life... She produces a small gun from her bag and points it at him, hands shaking. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): ... I am hardly unprepared. FATHER ANGELO (smiling slightly): Oh, I don't think so, woman. QUEEN VICTORIA: The correct form of address is "Your Majesty". She pulls the trigger. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The Steward hands guns to all the men. THE STEWARD: Arms... and your strife... ready everyone? (To Lady Isobel): Take the girls. Get them out through the kitchen. Lady Isobel approaches her husband. LADY ISOBEL: I can't leave you. What will you do? SIR ROBERT: I must defend her Majesty. Now, don't think of me, just go. Lady Isobel kisses him and then gathers her maids. LADY ISOBEL: All of you at my side, come on! She pulls them through to the kitchen. The Doctor is using the sonic screwdriver to relieve Rose of the handcuffs. THE DOCTOR (very fast): It could be any form of light modulated species triggered by specific wavelengths. Did it say what it wanted? ROSE: The Queen, the Crown, the throne... you name it. There is a thumping sound from the direction of the cellar and they both look around. The Doctor ventures out into the corridor to investigate. The wolf has managed to knock down the door and is stood at the other end of the corridor. He and the Doctor stare at one another for a few moments before the werewolf growls and the Doctor runs back into the room. He grabs Rose's hand and pulls her behind the line of men with guns poised and ready. THE STEWARD: Fire! They shoot at the wolf, who stumbles back a few steps. THE STEWARD: Fire! Rose flinches as they fire again. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE KITCHEN Lady Isobel and her maids run through to the kitchen. Lady Isobel crosses the room and tries the door, but it won't open. LADY ISOBEL: It won't open, they've sealed us in. FLORA: Oh, my Lady, look! Lady Isobel follows Flora's gaze out of the window where she sees the Monks have surrounded the house, guns poised. FLORA (CONT'D) (hysterically): They'll never let us out. They mean for us to die! LADY ISOBEL: Don't say that, Flora! INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The room with the firing squad is full of smoke. There is no sign of the wolf. THE DOCTOR: All right, you men, we should retreat upstairs, come with me. THE STEWARD: I'll not retreat. The battle's done. There's no creature on God's Earth that could survive such an assault. THE DOCTOR (angrily): I'm telling you, come upstairs! THE STEWARD: And I'm telling you, sir, that I will sleep well tonight with that thing's hide upon my wall. He strides across the room to look down the corridor, checking of the wolf. The Doctor watches him, looking extremely angry and concerned. Apparently seeing nothing, he strides back looking mildly triumphant. THE STEWARD (CONT'D): Must've crawled away to die... And he is lifted clean through the ceiling by the wolf and we hear him being devoured. THE DOCTOR: There's nothing we can do! He grabs hold of Rose and pushes her from the room with him. Some of the firing squad stand frozen, and through the wolf's eyes we see them being attacked. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE KITCHEN Lady Isobel and her maids listen to the commotion with fear in their eyes. FLORA: Did they kill it? Lady Isobel and the others slowly back into the corner of the room, she wraps her arms around them protectively as they crouch down, her eyes fixed on the door. The wolf appears in the doorway and Lady Isobel screws up her eyes tightly and looks away. The wolf sniffs the air and then just leaves. Lady Isobel opens her eyes and looks around at the empty room, confused. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE STUDY Queen Victoria opens the safe and removes the small wooden box. She stows it away in her handbag. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The Doctor, Rose and Sir Robert hurry into a room. The Doctor slams the door behind them and locks it with his sonic screwdriver. SIR ROBERT: Your Majesty! Your Majesty! QUEEN VICTORIA (coming down the stairs): Sir Robert! What's happening? The Doctor dashes off somewhere. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): I heard such terrible noises. SIR ROBERT: Your Majesty, we've got to get out. But what of Father Angelo? Is he still here? QUEEN VICTORIA: Captain Reynolds disposed of him. THE DOCTOR (coming back): The front door's no good, it's been boarded shut. Pardon me, Your Majesty, you'll have to leg it out of a window. He gestures through a door and Queen Victoria obliges with her head held high. Sir Robert follows and they find themselves in another upstairs room. SIR ROBERT: Excuse my manners, Ma'am, but I shall go first, the better to assist Her Majesty's egress. QUEEN VICTORIA: A noble sentiment, my Sir Walter Raleigh. THE DOCTOR (impatiently): Yeah, any chance you could hurry up? Sir Robert climbs onto the window sill and has to immediately dodge out of the way as he is shot at by the Monks standing outside. The Doctor stares out of the window, eyes wide. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): I reckon the monkey boys want us to stay inside. QUEEN VICTORIA: Do they know who I am?? ROSE: Yeah, that's why they want ya. The wolf's lined you up for a... a biting. QUEEN VICTORIA: Now, stop this talk. There can't be an actual wolf. The words are no sooner out of her mouth than a howling rings through the house. The company spin around, alarmed, and leave the room hurriedly. They run into a hallway and the wolf is battering on the door. ROSE: What do we do? THE DOCTOR: We... run! ROSE: Is that it?! THE DOCTOR: You got any silver bullets? ROSE: Not on me, no! THE DOCTOR: There we are then, we run. Your Majesty, as a Doctor, I recommend a vigourous jog. He jogs on the spot to demonstrate. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Good for the health. Come on! He grabs the Queen's hand and leads her from the room. They run as fast as they can up the staircase. From the wolf's point of view, we see that it finally manages to break the door down. It then bounds up the staircase after them. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Come on! Come on! Having reached the top of the stairs, they run through the corridors, the wolf close on their tails. It is nearly upon them, ready to pounce when Captain Reynolds appears holding a gun. He shoots and the wolf reels backwards down the corridor. The Captain ducks behind the corridor where they others are standing, out of breath. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: I'll take this position and hold it. You keep moving, for God's sake! Your Majesty, I went to look for the property, it was taken. The chest was empty. QUEEN VICTORIA: I have it. It's safe. CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: Then remove yourself, Ma'am. Doctor, you stand as Her Majesty's Protector. And you, Sir Robert, you're a traitor to the crown. He cocks his gun. THE DOCTOR: Bullets can't stop it! CAPTAIN REYNOLDS: They'll buy you time. Now, run! He positions himself at the end of the corridor, gun held ready. Queen Victoria and Sir Robert have already started running in the opposite direction, followed by the Doctor, and finally by Rose who stares at Captain Reynolds in dismay for a few seconds. The Doctor, Sir Robert and Queen Victoria run into the library. Rose stops outside the door and watches as Captain Reynolds shoots at the werewolf as it bounds down the corridor towards him, pounces upon him and then rips him apart. Rose is frozen in horror and cannot move. THE DOCTOR: Rose! He rushes out into the corridor, grabs her round the waist and pulls her into the room just in time to slam the door shut. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE LIBRARY Sir Robert and Rose help the Doctor barricade the doors with chairs and bits of wood. THE DOCTOR: Wait a minute, shh, shh, wait a minute... The wolf howls into the silence. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): It's stopped. He stands on the chair and presses his ear against the door. Right on the other side, the wolf sniffs against the door and growls. Then, it turns and leaves. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): It's gone. Footsteps can be heard padding around the outside of the room. ROSE: Listen... The Doctor climbs quietly down from the chair and there is dead silence in the library as they follow the wolf's progress around the room, absolutely terrified. The Queen is shaking violently. THE DOCTOR (whispers): Is this the only door? SIR ROBERT: Yes. No! And he dashes to the other door with the Doctor and they barricade it shut. ROSE: Shh! Rose silences them. They look around uneasily as they hear the sounds the werewolf is making, and then it stops. Footsteps pad away into the distance. ROSE (CONT'D): I don't understand. What's stopping it? THE DOCTOR: Something inside this room. Sir Robert sits on one of the chairs barricading his door and puts his head in his hands. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (confused): What is it? Why can't it get in? ROSE: I'll tell you what, though... THE DOCTOR: What? ROSE: Werewolf...! THE DOCTOR: I know! Rose half laughs and they throw their arms around each other. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You all right? ROSE: I'm okay, yeah! Queen Victoria stares at them, eyes wide. SIR ROBERT (from behind them): I'm sorry, Ma'am. It's all my fault. I should've sent you away. I tried to suggest something was wrong, I... thought you might notice. Did you think there was nothing strange about my household staff? THE DOCTOR: Well, they were bald, athletic... your wife's away, I just thought you were happy. ROSE: I'll tell you what though, Ma'am, I bet you're not amused now. QUEEN VICTORIA (angrily): Do you think this is funny? ROSE (meekly): No, Ma'am, I'm sorry. QUEEN VICTORIA: What, exactly, I pray someone please, what exactly is that creature? THE DOCTOR (scratching his head): You'd call it a werewolf, but technically it's a more of a lupine wavelength haemovariform. QUEEN VICTORIA: And should I trust you, sir? You who change your voice so easily? What happened to your accent? For the Doctor has accidentally dropped his Scottish accent. THE DOCTOR (realising): Oh... right, sorry... QUEEN VICTORIA: I'll not have it. No, sir, not you... not that thing... none of it. This is not my world. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The moon is high in the sky. The Monks outside with their guns poised have garlands of mistletoe looped around their necks. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE KITCHEN Lady Isobel, from the kitchen, notices this. LADY ISOBEL: Mistletoe... they're all garlanded in mistletoe and the wolf doesn't attack them. Who brought this into the kitchen? FLORA: It must've been the Brethren. LADY ISOBEL: Gather it up. Quickly. Every last scrap! They all begin to gather the mistletoe on the floor up. LADY ISOBEL (CONT'D): Quick, now! They throw the scraps of mistletoe onto the table. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE LIBRARY The Doctor touches the woodwork. There is a carving of mistletoe on the door. THE DOCTOR: Mistletoe... Sir Robert, did you father put that there? SIR ROBERT: I don't know, I suppose... THE DOCTOR (thinking out loud): On the other door, too... a carving wouldn't be enough... I wonder... He licks the woodwork. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Viscum album, the oil of the mistletoe, it's been worked into the wood like a varnish! How clever was your dad?? I love him! (To Rose): Powerful stuff, mistletoe. Bursting with lectins and viscotoxins. ROSE: And the wolf's allergic to it? THE DOCTOR: Well, it thinks it is. The monkey monk monks need a way of controlling the wolf, maybe they trained it to react against certain things. SIR ROBERT: Nevertheless, that creature won't give up, Doctor, and we still don't possess an actual weapon. THE DOCTOR: Oh, your father got all the brains, didn't he? ROSE: Being rude again. THE DOCTOR: Good. I meant that one. He strides towards the book shelves. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You want weapons? We're in a library. Books! Best weapons in the world. He puts his glasses on. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): This room's the greatest arsenal we could have. He pulls some books off the shelf and chucks some to Rose. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Arm yourself. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE KITCHEN The maids and Lady Isobel are working hard in the kitchen, chopping up the mistletoe. FLORA: No sound of the wolf, my Lady. Perhaps it's gone. LADY ISOBEL: Perhaps it's toying with us. But my husband's up there. And if there's any chance he's still alive, then by God, I'll assist him. Flora throws the mistletoe into the boiling water. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE LIBRARY Rose, the Doctor and Sir Robert are frantically flicking through the books, talking over one another. ROSE: Biology, zoology... there might be something on wolves in here... THE DOCTOR (chucks a book to Rose): Hold on, what about this? SIR ROBERT (flicking through): ... some form of explosive... THE DOCTOR: Hmm, that's the sort of thing. Ooh... He jumps down from the ladder, holding a book which he puts down on the table. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Look what your old dad found. Something fell to Earth. On the open page there is an illustration of a rock falling to Earth from the sky. Rose and Sir Robert gather around. ROSE: A spaceship? SIR ROBERT: A shooting star. (Reading): "In the year of our Lord, 1540, under the reign of King James the Fifth, an almighty fire did burn in the pit." That's the Glen of Saint Catherine just by the Monastery. ROSE: But that's over three hundred years ago. What's it been waiting for? THE DOCTOR: Maybe just a single cell survived. Adapting slowly down the generations. It survived through the humans. Host after host after host. SIR ROBERT: But why does it want the throne? ROSE: That's what it wants. It said so, the... the Empire of the Wolf. THE DOCTOR (with foreboding): Imagine it... the Victorian Age accelerated... starships and missiles fueled by coal and driven by steam... leaving history devastated in its wake... QUEEN VICTORIA (standing): Sir Robert! Sir Robert goes to her. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): If I am to die here... SIR ROBERT: Don't say that, Your Majesty. QUEEN VICTORIA: I would destroy myself rather than let that creature infect me. But that's no matter. I ask only that you find some place of safekeeping for something far older and more precious than myself. She opens her bag. THE DOCTOR (from the table): Hardly the time to worry about your valuables. QUEEN VICTORIA: Thank you for your opinion. But there is nothing more valuable than this. And she takes the Koh-I-Noor from her bag and holds it in the palm of her hand. ROSE (amazed): Is that the Koh-I-Noor? THE DOCTOR: Oh, yes... the greatest diamond in the world. The Doctor and Rose shuffle forward for a closer look. QUEEN VICTORIA: Given to me as the spoils of war. Perhaps its legend is now coming true. It is said that whoever owns it must surely die. THE DOCTOR: Well, that's true of anything if you own it long enough. Can I...? He holds out his hand for the diamond. Queen Victoria gives it to him. He pushes his glasses down his nose to look at it closely. Rose prods it, eyes wide. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): That is so beautiful. ROSE: How much is that worth? THE DOCTOR: They say... the wages of the entire planet for a whole week. ROSE (peering at it): Good job my mum's not here. She'd be fighting the wolf off with her bare hands for that thing. THE DOCTOR: And she'd win. Rose laughs. SIR ROBERT: Where is the wolf? (He walks away). I don't trust this silence. THE DOCTOR (of the diamond): Why do you travel with it? QUEEN VICTORIA: My annual pilgrimage. I'm taking it to Helier and Carew. The Royal Jewellers at Hazelhead. The stone needs recutting. ROSE: Oh, but it's perfect. QUEEN VICTORIA: My late husband never thought so. THE DOCTOR (removing his glasses): Now, there's a fact, Prince Albert kept on having the Koh-I-Noor cut down. It used to be forty percent bigger than this. But he was never happy. Kept on cutting and cutting. QUEEN VICTORIA: He always said... the shine was not quite right. But he died with it still unfinished. THE DOCTOR (with realization): Unfinished... oh, yes! He tosses the Koh-I-Noor back to Queen Victoria, who catches it. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (very fast, working it out): There's a lot of unfinished business in this house. His father's research, your husband, Ma'am, he came here and he sought the perfect diamond, hold on, hold on... (He ruffles his hair violently in his eagerness to work it out). All these separate things, they're not separate at all, they're connected! Oh, my head, my head! What if, this house, it's a trap for you, is that right, Ma'am? QUEEN VICTORIA: Obviously. THE DOCTOR: At least, that's what the wolf intended. But! What if there's a trap inside the trap? QUEEN VICTORIA: Explain yourself, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: What if his father and your husband weren't just telling each other stories. They dared to imagine all this was true. And they planned against it. Laying the real trap not for you... but for the wolf. A fine sprinkling of plaster falls from the ceiling. They all look up, and the werewolf is walking over the glass dome above their heads, looking down at them and growling. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): That wolf there... The glass of the dome starts to crack, the Doctor and Rose throw down their books and together with Queen Victoria run to the door. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Out! Out! Out! As the Werewolf crashes through, smashing the desk, the Doctor, Rose and Sir Robert destroy their barricade and run out into the corridor. SIR ROBERT: Your Majesty! The Doctor takes one last look at the roaring wolf before slamming the doors closed. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE The four of them run down the corridor. THE DOCTOR: Gotta get to the observatory! They careen around a corner, the werewolf close behind. Rose turns around and is transfixed by the wolf. Just as the wolf is on her, she screams and Lady Isobel throws the pan of mistletoe water onto the wolf. Rose screams again, but the werewolf bounds back down the corridor away from them. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Good shot! LADY ISOBEL: It was mistletoe! The Doctor follows the wolf a way down the corridor. SIR ROBERT: Isobel! He and Isobel kiss as the Doctor and Rose make sure the wolf has gone. SIR ROBERT (CONT'D): Get back downstairs. LADY ISOBEL: Keep yourself safe. He nods and they kiss again. SIR ROBERT: You go. Lady Isobel and the maids go past Sir Robert and make their way back to the kitchen. LADY ISOBEL: Girls, come with me. Down the Back stairs, back to the kitchen. Quickly! As they run off, Sir Robert stares after his wife, a look in his eyes that suggests he's wondering if he'll ever see her again. THE DOCTOR: Come on! They set off at run again down the corridor. SIR ROBERT: The observatory's this way! They reach the central staircase and hurry up it as fast as they can but the werewolf is recovering and soon returns to the chase. They finally arrive at the observatory, the Doctor in the lead. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE OBSERVATORY THE DOCTOR: No mistletoe on these doors, your father wanted the wolf to get inside! Get inside I just need time! Is there any way of barricading this?! SIR ROBERT: Just do your work and I'll defend it. THE DOCTOR (seeming to ignore Sir Robert): If we could bind them shut with rope or something! SIR ROBERT (determinedly): I said I'd find you time, sir. Rose and Queen Victoria stare at him, aghast. SIR ROBERT (CONT'D): Now get inside. The Doctor looks at him for a second. THE DOCTOR: Good man. Sir Robert closes the door and the Doctor runs to the Queen. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Your Majesty, the diamond. QUEEN VICTORIA: For what purpose? THE DOCTOR: The purpose it was designed for. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE OUTSIDE OBSERVATORY Meanwhile, Sir Robert locks the door from the outside. The howls of the werewolf can be heard coming down the corridor. He arms himself with a sword from the display on the wall as the werewolf bounds up the stairs. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE OBSERVATORY In the observatory, Queen Victoria hands over the diamond form her bag. The Doctor runs over to the mechanism for the telescope. THE DOCTOR: Rose! Rose runs to the Doctor. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Lift it! Come on! The Rose and Doctor struggle to turn the wheel, but the cogs start to shift and the telescope to rise. ROSE (sarcastic despite straining against the wheel): Is this the right time for stargazing? THE DOCTOR: Yes, it is. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE OUTSIDE OBSERVATORY Outside the observatory, the werewolf has found Sir Robert, guarding the door. As it approaches slowly, Sir Robert glares at it, disgusted. SIR ROBERT: I committed treason for you. And now my wife will remember me with honour! He manages one slash at the werewolf with his blade before he is devoured. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE OBSERVATORY Inside the observatory, Rose looks hopelessly terrified at his final screams. Queen Victoria holds up her crucifix. The werewolf can be heard battering the door. The gears continue to grind while Queen Victoria murmurs a prayer under her breath. ROSE: You said this thing doesn't work! THE DOCTOR: It doesn't work as a telescope because that's not what it is! It's a light chamber! It magnifies the light rays like a weapon. We've just got to power it up! ROSE: But there's no electricity! The Doctor grunts and turns to the light chamber. ROSE (she works it out): Moonlight! But it needs moonlight! It's made by moonlight! THE DOCTOR: You're seventy percent water but you can still drown. Come on! The Light Chamber finally starts to align with the moon. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Come on! At last it is properly aligned. Rose and the Doctor step away from the gears as the moonlight bounces off the prisms. Just as the Werewolf breaks through the door, the light spews forth from the end of the light chamber onto the floor far short of the werewolf. The werewolf advances on the Queen but the doctor dives across the floor and throws the Koh-I-Noor into the beam of light. A fantastic, prismatic beam of light hits the werewolf. He is lifted off the floor and hangs there, caught in the wash of moonlight. As they look on, the werewolf retakes human form. THE HOST (quietly): Make it brighter. Let me go. The Doctor slowly walks across to the light chamber and flicks a switch. With a final howl from the wolf form, the creature vanishes and the light shuts off. Rose breathes a huge sigh of relief. The Queen, however, is staring intently at some wound on her wrist. The Doctor notices her. THE DOCTOR: Your Majesty? Did it bite you? QUEEN VICTORIA: No, it's... it's a cut. THE DOCTOR: If that thing bit you... QUEEN VICTORIA: It was a splinter of wood when the door came apart. THE DOCTOR: Let me see. QUEEN VICTORIA (pulling her hand away sharply): It is nothing. The Doctor stares at her, obviously not believing her. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE It is dawn and the sun rises over a serenely misty valley. INT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE HALL The Doctor and Rose step forward and kneel before Queen Victoria. Everyone is present including Lady Isobel and the maids. QUEEN VICTORIA: By the power invested in me by the Church and the State, I dub the: Sir Doctor of TARDIS. She taps him on each shoulder with a sword. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): By the power invested in me by the Church and the State, I dub the: Dame Rose of the Powell Estate. She taps her on each shoulder with the sword. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): You may stand. The Doctor and Rose rise. THE DOCTOR: Many thanks, Ma'am. ROSE (grinning): Thanks! They're never going to believe this back home. Flora smiles. THE DOCTOR: Your Majesty, you said last night about receiving a message from the great beyond; I think your husband cut that diamond to save your life. He's protecting you even now Ma'am, even from beyond the grave. QUEEN VICTORIA: Indeed. Then you may think on this, also: that I am not amused. The Doctor groans whilst Rose looks jubilant. ROSE: Yes! QUEEN VICTORIA: Not remotely amused. Rose makes an effort to wipe the smirk off her face. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D): And henceforth... I banish you. The Doctor and Rose look stunned. THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry...? QUEEN VICTORIA (angrily): I rewarded you, Sir Doctor. And now you are exiled from this empire, never to return. I don't know what you are, the two of you, or where you're from, but I know that you consort with stars, and magic, and think it fun. But your world is steeped in terror and blasphemy and death and I will not allow it! You will leave this shores and you will reflect, I hope, on how you managed to stray so far from all that is good. And how much longer you will survive this... terrible life. Queen Victoria steps away from them angrily. QUEEN VICTORIA (CONT'D) (commandingly): Now leave my world. And never return. EXT. FIELD SOMEWHERE IN SCOTLAND Rose and the Doctor have hitched a lift on the back of a farmer's cart. It comes to a halt. FARMER: Woah! They jump off the back of a farmer's cart back in the highlands near the TARDIS. THE DOCTOR: Cheers, Dougal! The Doctor waves as they walk away and the farmer drives off. THE DOCTOR: You know, the funny thing is, Queen Victoria did actually suffer a mutation of the blood! It's historical record haemophiliac. It used to be called the Royal Disease! But it's always been a mystery because she didn't inherit it. Her mum didn't have it her dad didn't have it, it came from nowhere! ROSE: What, and you're saying that's a wolf bite? THE DOCTOR: Well, maybe Haemophilia is just a Victorian euphemism. ROSE: For werewolf? THE DOCTOR: Could be! ROSE: Queen Victoria's a werewolf? THE DOCTOR: Could be! And, her children had the Royal Disease. Maybe she gave them a quick nip. ROSE (disbelievingly): So, the Royal Family are werewolves? THE DOCTOR: Well... maybe not yet. I mean, a single wolf cell could take... a hundred years to mature... might be ready by... oooh... early 21st century...? ROSE: Nah! That's just ridiculous! Mind you... Princess Anne...! THE DOCTOR: I'll say no more. ROSE: And if you think about it... they're very private. They plan everything in advance. They, they could schedule themselves around the moon, we'd never know! The Doctor sniggers as they reach the TARDIS and he opens the door. They bundle in. ROSE (CONT'D): They like hunting! They love blood sports! The Doctor laughs, the TARDIS starts to dematerialize but they can still be heard. ROSE (CONT'D): Oh my God, they're werewolves! The two of them howl and cackle over the sound of the TARDIS engines until it has completely vanished. EXT. TORCHWOOD HOUSE Night has fallen over the Torchwood House as the Queen and Lady Isobel walk slowly from the house, both wearing black. QUEEN VICTORIA: What will you do? Will you stay here? LADY ISOBEL (tears on her cheeks): I don't think I could. I'd sell it. Or I'd pull this place down. Queen Victoria glances at the sign on the wall saying "Torchwood House", and then away again with a look of grim resolution in her eyes. QUEEN VICTORIA: Although we may not speak of these events in public, they'll not be forgotten. I promise you that. Your husband's sacrifice... the ingenuity of his father... they will live on. LADY ISOBEL: But how? QUEEN VICTORIA: I saw last night, that Great Britain has enemies beyond imagination, and we must defend our borders on all sides. I propose an institute to investigate these strange happenings and to fight them. I would call it: Torchwood. The Torchwood Institute. And if this Doctor should return, he should beware, because Torchwood will be waiting.

The Doctor and Rose end up in Scotland in 1879, where Queen Victoria invites them to Torchwood Estate. Unknown to them, the estate has been captured by a group of monks who have brought a werewolf in hopes to infect Queen Victoria. The Doctor notices the trap and tries to shield himself, Victoria, and Rose from the werewolf. He learns that the estate was designed as a trap for the werewolf as it contains a large telescope which, with Victoria's Koh-i-Noor diamond and full moonlight, can force the werewolf into a human form. Though they save her, Queen Victoria is appalled by the Doctor and Rose's modern eccentricities and founds Torchwood Institute to defend Britain from further alien attacks.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x14

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x14_0

Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is stood in the middle of the room. His whiteboard is behind him. Every few moments he turns round suddently. Penny: Whatcha doing? Sheldon: I'm attempting to view my work as a fleeting peripheral image so as to engage the superior colliculus of my brain. Penny: Interesting. I usually just have coffee. You've been up all night? Sheldon: Is it morning? Penny: Yes. Sheldon: Then I've been up all night. Penny: And you're stuck? Sheldon: Why else would a person try to engage their superior colliculus? Penny: Oh, sorry, sweetie, I can't help you till I've had my coffee. Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don't put him in his crate at night he just runs around the apartment. Penny: What is he doing now? Leonard: Mmm, he's either isolating the terms of his formula and examining them individually, or looking for the alligator that swallowed his hand after Peter Pan cut it off. Sheldon: Captain Hook's hand was eaten by a crocodile, not an alligator. If you're going to mock me, at least get your facts straight. Leonard: Aye, aye, Captain. Sheldon: I can't see it! It just won't coalesce. Leonard: Maybe you need a fresh start. Sheldon: You're right. (Takes whiteboard to window and throws it out. Picks up a new one) It's a great idea, Leonard. Thank you. Credits sequence. Scene: The cafeteria. Sheldon: Electrons move through graphene, act as if they have no mass... Howard: How long has he been stuck? Leonard: Intellectually about 30 hours. Emotionally about 29 years. Sheldon: Unit cell contains two carbon atoms. Interior angle of a hexagon is 120 degrees. Howard: Have you tried rebooting him? Leonard: No, I think it's a firmware problem. Raj (arriving): Hey, it's Disco Night at the Moonlight Roller Rink in Glendale tonight. Who's up for getting down? Howard: Oh, that's perfect. Bernadette's been hocking me to take her roller skating. Leonard: I think Penny likes to skate. The four of us could double. Howard: What could be better? We're in. Raj: Great. It's not like I brought it up because I wanted to go. Howard: You can come with us. Raj: No, it's okay. I don't have to go. I'm happy just to guide you and your ladies to suitable entertainment choices. I'm a walking brown Yelp.com. Sheldon: Structure, constant structure. One atom... Howard: Boy, he's really gone, isn't he? Leonard: Yeah, this morning he used a stick of butter as deodorant. Howard: I thought I smelled popcorn. Sheldon: Pattern is the same as fermions, travels on the pathways, hexagonal, it's always hexagonal... Leonard: I haven't seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie. Raj (as Sheldon reaches out and grabs from his plate): Hey, those are my lima beans! Sheldon: Not lima beans, carbon atoms. Raj: But if I don't eat my lima beans, I can't have my cookie. Leonard: Here, you want my peas? Sheldon: Peas! Perfect, they can be electrons. Howard: Want my corn? Sheldon: Don't be ridiculous. What would I do with corn? Leonard: So roller skating, should we all grab a bite to eat first? Howard: Good. P.F. Chang's? My mom has coupons. Leonard: Great. Your mom's not coming, right? Howard: Not this time, I promise. Raj: Okay, just to be clear, roller skating was my idea, and I'm very unhappy that you turned it into a double date, and I hope you both fall on your asses and break your coccyxes. Sheldon: The plural of coccyx is coccyges. Raj: Screw you. Give me back my lima beans. Scene: The stairwell. Bernadette: Oh, my God, have you ever been so embarrassed? Penny: Not recently. Bernadette: I don't know which was lamer, their roller-skating or their disco dancing. Penny: For me, the worst part was when people saw us leave with them. Leonard: You had some nice moves out there, Howard. Howard: Thanks. You, too. Leonard: Yeah. Did you notice all the people looking at us? Howard: Not really. I was in my boogie zone. Bernadette: When Howard tried to do the splits... Penny: Shh. Leonard: Sorry. I'm moving a little slow. I think I bruised my coccyx. Penny: Oh, poor baby. Leonard: Don't tell Koothrappali. After you. Penny: Oh, what a gentleman. Hey, Sheldon. (Steps on marbles which are all over the floor, screams and falls) Leonard: Oh, my God! Are you... (falls as well) Sheldon: Good Lord! You're ruining everything! Penny: Oh, damn. Leonard: Are you okay? Penny: Do I look okay? Leonard: Don't bark at me. I fell, too. Penny: Oh, you've been falling all night. You're used to it. Howard: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing? Sheldon: The same thing I've been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when travelling through a graphene sheet. Bernadette: With marbles? Sheldon: Well, I needed something bigger than peas, now, didn't I? Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep? Sheldon: I don't know, two, three days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth. Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing? Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing. Bernadette: Okay, Sheldon. What happens to our neuroreceptors when we don't get enough REM sleep? Sheldon: They lose their sensitivity to serotonin and norepinephrine. Bernadette: Which leads to...? Sheldon: Impaired cognitive function. Bernadette: Right, so march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed. Sheldon: But I don't want to go to bed. Bernadette: I'm going to count to three. One... Sheldon: Oh, all right. Leonard: That was amazing how you handled him. Bernadette: I know how to deal with stubborn children. My mother used to run an illegal day care centre in our basement. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Penny: Leonard, you're... you're giggling in your sleep. Leonard: It's not me, it's my new ringtone. The Joker from Batman. Penny: Well, it creeps me out. Leonard: Me, too, but I paid three bucks for it. Penny: Just answer the phone. Leonard: Hello. Yeah, I'm Leonard Hofstadter. Yeah, yeah, he's my roommate. Oh, God, is he okay? Yeah, alright, alright, I'll be right there. Penny: What happened? Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and is terrorizing the village. Penny: Okay. Have fun. Scene: A children's play area. Leonard: Hi. I'm Dr. Hofstadter. Where is he? Security Guard: Ball pit. Leonard: Thanks for not calling the cops. Security Guard: Oh, hey, it's no big deal. My sister's got a kid who's special. Leonard: Yeah, well, he's extra special. Hey, Shelly. What you doing? Sheldon: Size ratio was all wrong. Couldn't visualize it. Needed bigger carbon atoms. Leonard: Sure, sure. How did you get into this place? Sheldon: Back door has a five-pin tumbler system, single-circuit alarm. Child's play. You can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms. Leonard: No, I don't think so. We need to go home now. Sheldon: But I'm still working. Leonard: If you don't come out of there, I'm going to have to drag you out. Sheldon: You can try, but you'll never catch me. (He disappears under the balls) Leonard: For God's sakes. Sheldon, come here! Sheldon (popping his head up): Bazinga. (Disappears, pops up in another place) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga. (And again) Bazinga. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Sheldon is standing over their bed. He knocks on the wall. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. Leonard (Waking up as Penny screams): What! What, what, what? Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. Leonard: What? Sheldon: I have good news. Leonard: And you had to barge in here and wake us up in the middle of the night? Sheldon: Your cell phone was off. Leonard: Because we didn't want to be disturbed. Sheldon: And that didn't work out, did it? Penny: Sheldon, what do you want? Sheldon: I came to tell you I've got the answer. Leonard: Really? You figured out the graphene problem? Sheldon: No, no, I'm still hopelessly stuck on that, but I figured out how to figure it out. Penny: Hey, you know what, Leonard, I know I said I could handle your roommate, but I was wrong. We're going to have to break up. Leonard: What are you talking about? Penny (as Sheldon sits on the bed): Oh. Sheldon: Einstein. Leonard: Yeah, I'm going to need a little more. Sheldon: Albert Einstein. Leonard: Keep going. Sheldon: When Albert Einstein came up with special relativity, he was working at the patent office. Leonard: So, you're going to go work at the patent office? Sheldon: Don't be absurd. That's in Washington. You know I could never live in a city whose streets are laid out in a wheel-and-spoke pattern. No. I'm going to find a similarly menial job where my basal ganglia are occupied with a routine task, freeing my prefrontal cortex to work quietly in the background on my problem. Leonard: Sounds like a great plan. Sheldon: Of course it is. Even talking to you is sufficiently menial that I can feel the proverbial juices starting to flow. Leonard: Okay, well, thanks for sharing with us. Good night. Sheldon: You're welcome. Good night to you, too. Oh, by the way, I was watching you sleep for a moment, and I noticed that your snoring seems to be worse when you're on your back. Penny: Leonard doesn't snore. Sheldon: No, I wasn't talking to Leonard. Leonard: Told you. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: An employment office Employment Office Assistant: So, Mr. Cooper, you're looking for a job. Sheldon: A menial job. Like yours. Assistant: Why, thank you for noticing. I'm Menial Employee of the Month. Do you have a particular field in mind? Sheldon: I do. For thousands of years, the lowest classes of the human race have spent their lives labouring to erect monuments under the lash of their betters, until finally they dropped down and became one with the dust through which they trudged. Do you have anything like that? Assistant: No. Sheldon: Shouldn't you check your database? Assistant (clicks her keyboard a few times): No. Sheldon: You didn't really type. Assistant: I didn't really have to. So, how about construction? Sheldon: Oh, that would be good! Sawing, hammering, eating out of a lunch pail as my working-class fellows and I sit perched precariously on a girder high above the metropolis. Assistant: No, no. This is putting up sheetrock at a housing project in Rosemead. Sheldon: I could do that. Assistant: Good. Sheldon: One question. Assistant: Yes? Sheldon: What's sheetrock? Assistant: Moving on. How about doing deliveries for a florist? Sheldon: That seems acceptable. Assistant: Do you have your own car? Sheldon: I don't drive. Assistant: Of course you don't. Mr. Cooper, let me just ask you a question. What was your last job? Sheldon: Senior theoretical particle physicist at CalTech, focusing on M theory, or, in layman's terms, string theory. Assistant: I see. Just give me a second. Security! Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Penny: Okay, I'll get those drinks started for you. Sheldon (appearing in an apron and carrying a tray): Behind you. Penny: Sheldon, what the hell are you doing? Sheldon: I'm trying to get these tables cleared. We're slammed. Penny: No, wait, wait, no, wait. Wh.. what are you doing here? Sheldon: A reasonable question. I asked myself, what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable, and three answers came to mind, uh, toll booth attendant, an Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don't like touching other people's coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am. Penny: You just, you just walked in and they hired you, just like that? Sheldon: Oh, heavens, no. Since I don't need to be paid, I didn't need to be hired. I simply came in, picked up a tray, and started working for the man. Let me get that plate out of your way. Penny: Sheldon, this is ridiculous. Sheldon: Is it? Just a moment ago I had a minor epiphany regarding the polymer degradation phenomenon while scraping congealed nachos off a plate. Bernadette, table 10 wants their check. Bernadette: Thanks, Sheldon. Penny: Sheldon, wait, this isn't even what I do. I'm a waitress, not a busboy. Sheldon: You're right. That is more menial. Hello, I'm Sheldon. I'll be your server today. I don't recommend the salmon. I saw it in the kitchen. Scene: The same, later. Sheldon: All right, one bacon cheeseburger, breaking two Jewish dietary restrictions simultaneously, kudos. Beer-battered fish and chips. Now, here's your tartar sauce. I also brought you salsa. It's a little unconventional, but I think you'll like it. It's zingy. And for you, Factory Burrito Grande, no cheese, no sour cream, no ugly consequences from your lactose intolerance. Bon app tit. Leonard: Hang on. Black beans, not pinto beans? Sheldon: Yes. Leonard: Double guacamole? Sheldon: Of course. Leonard: No cilantro? Sheldon: Nope. Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped? Sheldon: Yep. Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this to you? Sheldon: I do. Leonard: That'll be all. That was fun. Raj: How long can he keep this up? Leonard: I heard about this professor at MIT who melted down, bought a van, and spent the rest of his life as a mobile dog groomer. Raj: He never went back to the university? Leonard: Only to shampoo Professor Chambourg's shih tzu. Raj: Sheesh. Howard: I bet if we all chipped in, we could buy Sheldon a van. Raj: But he's afraid of dogs. Leonard: Yeah, that's the only thing wrong with that plan. Penny: Hey, guys, sorry you had to wait, but we are swamped. What's this? Leonard: Sheldon took our order. Penny: Sheldon doesn't work here. Leonard: Well, honey, not to complain, but we were starting to think you didn't either. Sheldon (drops tray. A nearby table claps): Is that really necessary? Good Lord. The interference pattern in the fracture. The motion of the wave through the molecular structure. I've been looking at it all wrong. I can't consider the electrons as particles. They move through the graphene as a wave. It's a wave! The moment to applaud would be now. Troglodytes. Penny: Sheldon, where are you going? Aren't you going to clean this up? Sheldon: I'm sorry. I don't work here. Scene: The roller disco. Howard: Happy now? Raj: I'm on a cloud. Swing me. (Howard swings Raj several times.) Scene: The ball pit, presumably earlier. Leonard: Sheldon, come here. (Sheldon once again keeps popping up his head and shouting "Bazinga" as Leonard flails around trying to catch him.)

After becoming obsessed with a physics problem, Sheldon decides to take a menial job, comparing himself to Albert Einstein, who conceived his theory of relativity while working at the Swiss patent office. Meanwhile, Raj feels left out when Leonard, Penny, Howard and Bernadette go on a double-date at a roller skating rink.

fd_FRIENDS_06x11

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Teleplay by: Brian Boyle Story by: Zachary Rosenblatt [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is there as Joey enters happily.] Joey: Hey! Ross: Hey! Joey: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine? Monica: Honey, we have been through this before! Rachel: Yeah. Don't do this to yourself. Phoebe: She's made it pretty clear, it is not going to happen. Joey: Well all right then, I guess I shouldn't get to excited about the fact (excitedly) that I just kissed her! Monica: You serious?! Chandler: That's great! Monica: Really?! Phoebe: Yeah well, we'll see. Ross: You kissed her. Joey: Oh we kissed it up real nice. Chandler: So you kissed her, so what happened after that? Joey: I came over here to tell you guys. Chandler: So she's just waiting over there for ya? (Joey nods yes, but suddenly realizes what he did and runs out of the apartment and back to his place.) Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.] Janine: I gotta go. Joey: Okay. (They kiss.) Janine: I'm gonna be really late for dance class! Joey: Okay. (They kiss.) Janine: Okay, now I'm really late. (Gets up.) Joey: Okay, I'm all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? (She kisses him on the cheek and starts to leave.) Janine: (to Monica and Rachel) Bye. Monica: Bye. (Janine exits.) Joey: Have you kissed her yet? It's awesome! I could do it forever! Y'know what? She-she kisses better than my mom cooks! Monica: I am so glad you said cooks. Rachel: I know. Chandler: (entering) Oh hey Rachel, sweetheart? You have got to tell the post office that you have moved. Okay? We are still getting all your bills and stuff. (Hands her all of her bills and stuff.) Rachel: Oh-oh, Pottery Barn! (Grabs the aforementioned catalog and holds the rest back out to Chandler.) You can throw the rest away. Chandler: I'm not your garbage man. I'm your mailman. Rachel: Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered. (Shows her the picture.) Monica: You got it from Pottery Barn?! Rachel: Yeah! It's an apothecary table. Does anyone even know what an apothecary is? Chandler: A pharmacist. (Rachel mocks him.) Monica: Rach, Phoebe hates Pottery Barn. Joey: I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed! Chandler: You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets! Joey: (indignant) I was tired! Rachel: Phoebe hates Pottery Barn?! Monica: Yeah, she hates all mass produced stuff. She thinks her furniture should have a history, a story behind it. Rachel: Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store. Monica: It's gotta be one of a kind. Y'know like umm, y'know uh, what's that God awful ceramic fruit bowl she has on her counter? Joey: Hey! I made that for her! Chandler: You made pottery? Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage. Monica: I'm telling-If you put that in her apartment you'll never hear the end of it. Rachel: Okay fine! I'll-I'll just tell her it's an antique apothecary table, she doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh! Look at this little drawers! Oh look-look it says that it holds 300 CDs. Chandler: Ahh, just like the apothecary tables of yore... [Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.] Chandler: ...so then the farmer says, "That's not a cow and you're not milking it." (Everyone laughs.) Monica: I am so glad you guys got together, Chandler and I are always looking for a couple to go out with and now we have one! Chandler: Look at us, we're a couple of couples! Janine: I had so much fun tonight, and what a great restaurant. Monica: Yeah. Joey: And Chandler I can't believe I let you pay for this one. (They hug and he whispers in his ear.) Thanks man. Monica: So do you guys gonna come over tomorrow? I'll make that pasta thing I was telling you about. Janine: Oh that would be great! Joey: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine. Monica: Joey, you don't have too! Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right? Chandler: Yeah all right. (They part.) Okay, good night guys. Joey: See ya tomorrow! Monica: Tomorrow! Janine: Can't wait! (They each go into their respective apartments.) [Cut to Joey and Janine's.] Janine: How are we gonna get out of that one? Joey: What? Janine: I can't handle two nights in a row with them. Joey: What-what's wrong with Monica and Chandler? Janine: I don't know, they're just a little blah! Joey: Blah?! Janine: Well y'know, he's blah, she's just-she's very loud for such a small person. Joey: Uh, they're like my best friends. Are you saying we can't hang out with them? 'Cause that would kinda be a problem. Janine: No! Of course we can still hang out with them. Just y'know, not two nights in a row. Okay? Joey: I guess. Janine: Thank you. (They kiss.) Joey: If you want, I'll sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents. [Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is placing CDs into her antique apothecary table as Phoebe returns home.] Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: Hey! Phoebe: (sees the table) Ooh, what a great table! Where-where did you get it? Rachel: Guess! Phoebe: Umm, a flea market? Rachel: Ha! See, I knew, I knew you'd get it on the first guess. Isn't it cool! It's an apothecary table. Phoebe: Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where (She's opening and closing the drawers) they kept all the stuff to make their potions. Rachel: Ohh, yes. Phoebe: Y'know? Ooh, you can almost smell the opium. Rachel: Almost. Phoebe: How much was it? Rachel: It was only 500 bucks. Phoebe: 500 bucks at a flea market?! Rachel: Oh, okay see I thought, I thought you meant how much was it when it was new, y'know like back then. Phoebe: Oh no. Rachel: Yeah no, I mean it was at a flea market, so it was y'know, it was like a dollar. Phoebe: A dollar? Rachel: And fifty. So it was like one and fifty dollars. Phoebe: Ohh, okay, they gave you the old time pricing. Rachel: Yeah. Phoebe: Well, what period is it from? Rachel: Uh, it's from yore. Like the days of yore. Y'know? Phoebe: Yes, yes I do. God, oh it's just perfect! Wow! I bet it has a great story behind it too. Did they tell you anything? Like y'know where it was from or... Rachel: Yes! That I know, this is from White Plains. Phoebe: (gasps) White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place. [Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is entering as Ross comes out of the kitchen carrying popcorn.] Rachel: Hey! We're here! Ross: Hey! Rachel: (seeing his new table) Ohh! Oh my God! Ross: You like it? Rachel: Oh no! Ross: It's my new apothecary table! Rachel: Ross! Phoebe's gonna be here any second, she cannot see this! Ross: Well why not?! She'll-she'll love it! It's the real thing! I got it at Pottery Barn. Rachel: I know you did! I bought the same one! And if she sees your table she's gonna know that I lied to her. I told her ours was an original. Ross: Why did you do that? Rachel: Because she hates Pottery Barn. Ross: She hates Pottery Barn?!! Rachel: I know! I know, she says it's all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. (Ross looks at his table.) So come on, she's gonna be here any second! Can we please just cover this up with something?! Please? Ross: What? No! No! I am not gonna hide it from Phoebe-Ooh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets! (Gets them.) Rachel: Ooo! Oh, I forgot they made sheets! Ross: Uh, yeah! I still can't believe she hates Pottery Barn! Rachel: Ross, get over it! It's not like she hates you. Ross: Yeah but Pottery Barn! Y'know what I think? It's just she-she's weird. Y'know it's because she's a twin. Twins are weird. Rachel: Ross, she's not weird, she just wants her stuff to be one of a kind. Ross: Huh. Y'know what's not one of a kind? A twin! Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hey! Ross: Hey! Rachel: Ooh, Phoebe's here! Okay, let's turn out all the lights and we'll just watch the movie! Phoebe: Okay. Hey-Ooh, cool sheets! (Notices the sheet over the table.) Ross: Oh, you like it? You wanna know where I got it? Phoebe: Sure! Rachel: He got it a flea market! Phoebe: You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little. [Scene: Joey and Janine's, Joey is pacing around as Chandler and Monica enter.] Monica: Hey! Joey: Hi! Monica: The dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. This is so exciting. Chandler: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. (Hands it to him.) You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldn't afford it, because you paid dinner last night. Joey: Thanks. Thanks, but uh actually it's just gonna be me again tonight. Monica: What happened to Janine? Joey: Oh, she's uh-uh really sick. Chandler: Oh that's too bad. Joey: Yeah, she's been in there all day (Points to her room), uh high fever, a nose problem... Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm! Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! I'm really-really sorry about tonight. I don't know if Joey told you; I just couldn't get out of going to this play. I'm sorry. Have a great time. Joey: 'Kay! Janine: Bye. (Exits) Chandler: That's funny, I saw no phlegm. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey and Janine's, continued from earlier.] Joey: No-no, she really is sick! Chandler: Then why-why is she going to a play?! Joey: Uh, y'know, starve a fever, go to a play for a cold. Monica: Joey! Why is Janine not coming over for dinner?! Joey: Well uh, she didn't want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. I'm so sorry. Chandler: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?! Joey: Because she uh, she-she thinks that you are blah and that you, Monica, are too loud. Monica: (loudly) What?!! (Quietly) What? Chandler: So she was just pretending to have a good time last night? She was lying to our faces?! Monica: Ugh, I can not believe this! I mean, who is she to judge us? We could not have been nicer to her! Chandler: And I am not blah, I am a hoot! Joey: I know! I know! Come on, please-please you guys, don't-don't be mad. I'm sure she just, she just said that stuff because she was nervous and you guys are like my best friends! Y'know? And it was our first date! Plus, she's really sick! Chandler: No, you sh-No you said you made that up!! Joey: I know, but don't you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing? Chandler: Eh, they're both good. I generally just go with, Monica's drunk again. (Monica glares at him.) Joey: Come on you guys, come on please-please just give her another chance, huh? She'll come around I promise. Monica: Of course we will, come on we gotta make dinner. Chandler: Okay. (They exit and close the door.) Monica: (from the hallway) I do not like that woman! Joey: (shouting) I can hear you! Monica: I am loud! [Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are watching a movie.] All: Aww! (They all laugh.) Rachel: That's funny. (Phoebe puts her feet up on Ross's table.) Ross: Hey Pheebs, could you please not put your feet up on my new...(On Rachel's glare)...old sheet? Phoebe: Oh sure! (She goes to take her feet off, but drags the sheet with her which spills the wine.) Noo! Rachel: Ohh!! Ross: My apothecary table!!! Phoebe: What?! Rachel: Noooooo!! (Phoebe lifts up the sheet to discover the exact same apothecary table they have.) Phoebe: Ross, where did you get this?! Ross: I got it at Pottery Barn!! Okay?! Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique! Phoebe: Wow! Oh my God, well if they've ripped off our table ours must be much more than one and fifty dollars! Rachel: Oh yes. Phoebe: Well this doesn't even smell like opium. Ross: Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way. Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, I'll give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.] Chandler: Okay, one more time. Monica: Chandler, would you like some more orange juice? Chandler: Perfect decibel. Monica: (loudly) I know!!! Joey: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey. Joey: So uh, what are you guys doing? Chandler: Oh nothing, we're just talking. Y'know, blah-blah-blah. Joey: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine. Monica: Well, I'd like to but, (extremely quietly) I'm not sure we have time to go. Joey: Ha-ha, very funny-Look! I don't know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me! Monica: We owe you?! Joey: That's right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars! Monica: We didn't give you any money! (Chandler is motioning, "No!") Joey: You don't think I know that! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is showing Ross around the newly decorated living room.] Rachel: ...see I can't decide whether it would go better next to the new wicker dining chair, the Sahara desk, or the Parker console table. Ross: Wow! I didn't know that there was a Pottery Barn up here. Rachel: I know, I know. I went a little crazy. Ross: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large! Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hey. Phoebe: (sees Ross) Oh Ross no. Be careful, that is very old! Okay? Early Colonial bird merchants used to bring their birds to market in that. Ross: (glaring at Rachel) Fascinating. Phoebe: (gasps) Another amazing find! Wow! Oh I bet this has a great story too! Rachel: Oh it does, it does! It is a room separating apparatus from Colonial times. Phoebe: Ah! Ross: Hmm, a lot of this stuff is from Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods Rachel? (She glares at him.) Rachel: Well there's yore. And uh, y'know, yesteryear. Phoebe: Yeah no, I'm telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, y'know if you ever decide you need to redecorate-And I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help. Rachel: Oh honey he doesn't need my help. Phoebe: Oh, come on! I think he's ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk. Ross: Really?! (To Rachel) Hey, y'know what? Since you have such a great sense of what I need, uh ooh, here's-here's 60 bucks, why don't you take Phoebe down to that Colonial flea market of yours and get me some stuff. Rachel: (not sure of what to do) Y'know what? I don't, I don't think Phoebe really wants to come. Phoebe: No! I do want to! Rachel: Oh, she does want to. Ross: She does want to. Phoebe: Yeah! [Scene: The Street, Phoebe and Rachel are heading back from that Colonial flea market.] Rachel: Pheebs, I don't know what to say. I guess the flea market was just better last time. Phoebe: Well at least I got these sheets for Ross. Rachel: Yeah. (They walk by a Pottery Barn window display.) Phoebe: Uck, look at this! Pottery Barn, yuck! Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? Don't look at it. (Realizes the display is their living room) Seriously, don't look at it. (Tries to pull Phoebe away.) Phoebe: No! Look-look! There's the coffee table they stole from us! Rachel: Ugh, those bastards! Let's go. Phoebe: That fan kinda looks like ours. And the birdcage and the...wait a sec! This is our exact living room! Rachel: No! No! No! No it's not! No it's not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we don't have the... (Looks desperately for something different.) We don't have the...that lamp! And-and that screen is y'know, on the other side. Phoebe: Oh my God. This is where you got all our stuff, Pottery Barn! Oh my God! Rachel: Okay! Okay-okay look-no I did, I just wanted this stuff and I know how you feel about Pottery Barn. Just... Come on don't be mad. Phoebe: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And it's all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I don't have that lamp! Rachel: Well then honey, buy the lamp! Hey, we have that 60 bucks from Ross. Phoebe: I can't! I can't! Unless... Well are you saying that-that you would move out if-if I didn't buy that lamp? Rachel: What?! No! I'm not gonna move out! Phoebe: But are you saying that you would move out if I didn't buy that lamp? Rachel: (gets it) Oh. Yes! I would so move out! Phoebe: Okay then I don't have a choice! I have to buy that lamp! Rachel: That's right! (They start to go inside.) Phoebe: But at least the apothecary table is real. [Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.] Joey: Well, this-this-this was great. Didn't everybody have a great time? Janine: Well I did. I really did. And you guys, I've got to say, I'm sorry if I was a little weird after the last time we went out. I guess I was just nervous or something. Chandler: That's totally understandable. Monica: Don't worry about it. Janine: So we can go out again? Chandler: Oh yeah! Monica: Absolutely! Janine: Oh good. Joey: Oh well then, good night! Monica: Good night! (They go into their respective apartments.) [Cut to Joey and Janine's, they're entering.] Joey: See? Eh, wasn't that fun? Janine: We have got to move! Monica: (bursting in) I knew it!! Y'know, you're not so quiet yourself, missy! Chandler: And I'm blah? Listen, the only thing more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it, (Imitating her) "Oh Chandler, I just lost myself in the moment." Janine: Y'know, I know you're talking, but all I hear is, "Blah. Blah. Blah-blah-blah." Monica: (steps up and points at her) All right! You and me! Let's go! Right now! Joey: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! (To Chandler and Monica) You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! (They start to leave.) Chandler: (To Monica) Y'know I think you can take her. Monica: (to Janine) You'd better hope I don't see you in the hallway!! (They exit.) Joey: All right, uh, we've got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you can't treat them that way. Janine: They said stuff to me too, y'know! Joey: I know! I know! And I'm going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They... They're like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I... I don't think we can be together. It just, it just can't work. It can't. (Starts to break up) I'm very upset. Janine: Okay. Okay. Would, would it help if I went over and apologized? Joey: Yeah! Yeah! That would be very helpful! Yeah. (He opens the door for her and she exits into the hallway.) [Cut to the hallway, Janine is entering as Monica is taking out the garbage.] Monica: What did I tell you about the hall?! Janine: I was just coming over here to apologize for my behavior! I'd really like it if we could be friends. Monica: Well, I know that would make Joey happy, so, I would like that too. Janine: Great. Monica: Now come on. (They hug like men.) Well, I'm glad we worked things out. Janine: Me too. Monica: Okay. Janine: I'll see you. Monica: Bye. (Leaves to resume her garbage removal task.) Janine: (muttering to herself) Or I'll hear you. Monica: (hearing that) That's it big girl! (Hits Janine in the butt with the garbage bag) Come on! Janine: Wait! (Janine pauses, then runs down the stairs.) Monica: (chasing her) You'd better run! (Joey and Chandler both come into the hallway.) Chandler: Did you hear that? Joey: Yeah uh, what am I gonna do? Chandler: Yeah, I'm sorry man. (Pause) You wanna go watch? Joey: Yeah! (They head downstairs.) Ending Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.] Ross: Hey! Joey: How ya doin'? Chandler: Hey so, did uh, did she move out? Joey: Pretty much, yeah. Monica: I cannot believe you broke up with her just like that. Joey: Well, when it's not right, you know it. Chandler: You okay? Joey: Yeah! Yeah. I'll be all right. Ross: Y'know what would cheer you up? Joey: What? Ross: I'm giving this lecture on erosion theories tomorrow night, I think you should come. Joey: (laughing hysterically) You're right! That did cheer me up!

Janine and Joey are finally dating, only for Janine to tell Joey she does not like Monica and Chandler, forcing him to choose. Meanwhile, Rachel buys an apothecary table from Pottery Barn, a store that Phoebe hates, then pretends she bought it at a flea market. Her story is blown when Phoebe sees the same table at Ross' apartment.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x11

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x11_0

THE RESCUE DAVID WHITAKER 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. LEDGE IN PASSAGEWAY IAN: Doctor? I ... (A series of sharp spikes extend from either side of the face carving overreaching the extent of the ledge - with IAN trapped between them.) DOCTOR: Don't go any further! IAN: What ... I can't go either way! (The DOCTOR examines the ring mechanism. IAN shines the torch over the ledge towards the reptile roaring below. He turns round. From the centre of the face carving, a further series of sharp spikes start to slowly extend towards him.) IAN: Doctor, They're pushing me towards the edge! (The reptile below roars, awaiting its victim. IAN touches one of the blades but quickly pulls his hand back in pain.) IAN: Doctor, they're razor sharp! DOCTOR: Take your coat off my boy and throw it over the blades. IAN: Hold the...torch for me please. (He passes the torch to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: (Taking it.) Right. IAN: Ha! DOCTOR: Now swing yourself round. (IAN places his coat over the end of the blades.) IAN: Give me a hand. DOCTOR: Come on, come on, come on. (IAN swings round the edge of the outermost blades as the watching reptile roars below.) IAN: Thanks. (Looking at the trap.) I thought I'd had it. What do you think this is for? DOCTOR: I've no idea. I've never seen it before in my life. (IAN retrieves his coat and puts it back on. He looks at the third face carving with the dislodged ring pull.) IAN: I suppose this operates the knives. DOCTOR: Yes, quite so. (He passes the torch back to IAN.) Then we've got to get this thing back in its place. (The reptile roars again. IAN shines the torch down onto it as the DOCTOR examines the trap mechanism.) IAN: The executioner sounds disappointed. DOCTOR: Yes, never mind about all that. Come on, give me a hand. Barbara's still outside, she might be in great danger. (IAN shines the torch on the third face carving.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. SPACESHIP (Mists drift round the wrecked spaceship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (BENNETT lies on the bunk as BARBARA listens to his breathing.) VICKI: Is he... is he dead? BARBARA: No, it must have been the strain of walking out here made him collapse. (To Bennett.) How do you feel? VICKI: This is Barbara, Bennett. (They prop him up and VICKI passes him a bowl of water, which he sips.) BENNETT: Koquillion told me of your arrival. He's killed your friends. BARBARA: I don't think so. I'm sure they're alright. BENNETT: Koquillion doesn't make mistakes. BARBARA: Well, he did about me. You know the next time he visits us, we might be able to surprise him. (BENNETT looks at BARBARA in shock.) BARBARA: He doesn't know I'm here does he? So we could set a trap and overpower him! BENNETT: No...no.. VICKI: It's a marvellous idea isn't it Bennett? BENNETT: (Sharply.) No! BARBARA: Well surely it's worth a try? You wouldn't be any worse off than you are now. BENNETT: The Mir rescue ship is due to arrive. Well, hasn't Vicki told you that? We have to sit still, do as he says. Maybe we'll have a chance of escaping back to earth. VICKI: We could still go. BENNETT: You're just a child, you don't know what you're talking about. We get rid of Koquillion, we gain nothing. If the plan fails, he kills us. VICKI: (Sadly.) Bennett's right Barbara. BENNETT: Of course I'm right. Just because I lie on that bed all day doesn't...doesn't mean I've lost the use of my brain! (He sits up.) Help me to my room, please? (He puts his arm round BARBARA and she and VICKI help him out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. SPACESHIP. CORRIDOR BENNETT: You will do as Koquillion says, won't you? Now you do understand the consequences? (BARBARA nods.) Thank you. BARBARA: I'll help you to your bed. BENNETT: I'm alright (Shouts.) I said I'm alright! I can manage. (He stumbles into his cabin and shuts the door in a puzzled BARBARA'S face.) VICKI: I'd better go and collect the water, it...gets...dark early on Dido. Will you lay the table, Barbara? BARBARA: (Staring at BENNETT'S cabin.) Er...yes, yes, alright. VICKI: I'll show you where the things are. (They walk back into the living quarters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. LEDGE IN PASSAGEWAY (The DOCTOR puts the ring back into its place in the face carving.) DOCTOR: I think that's got it back. Watch! (With a quite rumbling noise, the blades slowly retract.) IAN: Yes! You've done it, Doctor! Ah, there they go. Well, lets hope there aren't any more surprises like that waiting for us, come on. (IAN walks off. The DOCTOR stops to examine the large face carving where the blades have now fully retracted.) IAN: Well come on, Doctor. (The DOCTOR follows IAN.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP (Another of the reptiles lies in the mouth of a cave. Vicki walks along with two water canisters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (BARBARA lays the table. She opens the locker and briefly examines the flare gun. She puts it back and takes out a small tin that she puts on the table.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP (The reptile still waits in the cave mouth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. PASSAGEWAY IAN: Daylight Doctor! We must be nearly there! DOCTOR: Yes, I think you're right (Laughs.) (They walk forward but the DOCTOR spots a doorway in the cave wall.) DOCTOR: Chesterton! IAN: Look out Doctor, don't go too near the edge! DOCTOR: Tight, look, there's a door IAN: What? DOCTOR: Now that must lead somewhere. IAN: Yes, it is. DOCTOR: Yes, but they'll be no time to get a...to open that, come on, lets go the obvious way. IAN: Alright. (They carry on.) DOCTOR: Go on, go on! IAN: Now mind this edge. DOCTOR: Just so long as nobody starts...creeping up behind us. (The DOCTOR glances behind him at the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP (VICKI, canisters in hand, stops near the cavemouth and the reptile watches her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (BARBARA wanders round the room. She stops by a window and sees the reptile in the cave mouth shuffling towards VICKI. She runs to the locker, grabs the flare gun and runs out of the ship ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP ( ... where she raises the gun and points it at the creature.) BARBARA: Vicki! (VICKI jumps up and sees the reptile. She shouts at BARBARA.) VICKI: No! No don't! No! (BARBARA fires at the reptile. The gun flashes and the flare hits the animal. It writhes in agony and cries out in pain as it dies.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. PASSAGEWAY (The sound reaches the DOCTOR and IAN.) DOCTOR: What was that? IAN: Horrible! DOCTOR: What is it? IAN: Come on. (He pushes the old man forward.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (BARBARA and VICKI run into the spaceship. VICKI is furious.) VICKI: You killed Sandy, why? What made you? BARBARA: He was almost on top of you! VICKI: How could you do it? Sandy only wanted some food. BARBARA: But he was going to attack you! VICKI: Sandy only ever eat plants. I trained him to come here for food. BARBARA: Well...I didn't know that did I...I, I mean how could I? VICKI: I shouted, you wouldn't listen. BARBARA: Look, all I could see was its jaws. Anyway it suddenly started screeching I thought... VICKI: (Distraught.) You killed him! (VICKI sits at the table and sobs.) You killed him! (The door of the ship suddenly opens and the DOCTOR and IAN clamber in.) DOCTOR: Barbara! BARBARA: Doctor! DOCTOR: My dear Barbara! IAN: Barbara! BARBARA: Oh Doctor, you're alright! (They hug each other.) DOCTOR: Oh, I've never felt better in my life! (He suddenly spots VICKI sat at the table. The three of them look at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. PASSAGEWAY (KOQUILLION walks through the door that the DOCTOR spotted earlier. He sees the footprints of the DOCTOR and IAN in the sand and starts to follow them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. LEDGE (KOQUILLION stands on the ledge looking down onto the spaceship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (The DOCTOR sits at the table near VICKI. IAN and BARBARA are sat next to him. VICKI is wiping her face with a handkerchief.) DOCTOR: That's better, that's better. Now blow your nose and wipe your face. That's it. I don't like saying it my dear but you do look a bit of a mess you know! (Laughs.) IAN: Yes, cheer up, Vicki! And don't forget, if old Kokilikin comes round, I've always got this! (He holds up the flare gun.) VICKI: Oh, you mustn't, Ian. I keep telling you why we did what he said, you'll spoil it, you'll spoil everything! DOCTOR: Now, now, now. It's going to be alright. We're not going to jeopardise your safety! Or your rescue! Now, first of all, I'd like to have a talk with this Mr. Bennett of yours. VICKI: Oh I keep, DOCTOR: Will you take...take me to him? VICKI: I keep telling you, the rescue ship's on its way. It's going to take us back to Earth. Can't you understand? DOCTOR: Yes... BARBARA: Look Vicki, I know you've been here a long time but you're underestimating what Koquillion can do. VICKI: (Standing up suddenly.) Yes! You're right! I've been here a long time. I know what it's like here! You've only just come and you're trying to ruin things! It was alright before, it was! The rescue ship's coming and...nobody asked you to come here, nobody! (She walks away and stands with her back to them.) DOCTOR: Now Vicki... VICKI: Go away! (The DOCTOR signals to IAN and BARBARA that he wants them to leave. They get up and walk out of the ship, leaving the DOCTOR alone to talk to VICKI.) DOCTOR: Vicki, my dear...? (She turns and tearfully looks at him. He beckons her over and points to the chair next to him.) DOCTOR: (Whispers gently.) Sit down. (She sits. He leans over to her.) DOCTOR: You don't mean that do you? Well? Do you? Mmm? (She shakes her head and he laughs.) Good, good! Now, I've listened to all you've said and I've thoroughly understood. We're here to help you. This is all we're going to try to do. You know, we're not going to ruin things for you. VICKI: (Calmer and quieter.) Bennett says that when we get back we've got to tell them on Earth what they did to us here. He thinks this planet should be wiped out... DOCTOR: Yes, I... VICKI: He says Koquillion shouldn't be made to get away with what he's done to us. DOCTOR: I think I agree with Bennett - at least about er, Koquillion, but don't you think there's just a chance, just er, a little chance that my ideas might prove the better ones? Hmm? Good, good! Now, I'll go and have a talk with Mr. Bennett and I promise you, I'll listen to everything he says. Hmm? VICKI: I'll take you to him. DOCTOR: Splendid! (She stands, walks over to the door leading to BENNETT'S cabin, takes the DOCTOR'S hand and opens the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. SPACESHIP. CORRIDOR (She takes him to the door of the cabin, the DOCTOR looking round at his surroundings as they go.) DOCTOR: Ah, well now, I don't think you need to wait my dear. You go back with Ian and Barbara. Hmm? VICKI: (Disdainfully.) Barbara... DOCTOR: Oh, now now now, You mustn't be like that! You're not giving her much of a chance are you? She's nice you know! You'll like her! VICKI: She killed Sandy. DOCTOR: Yes, well, so might I have done! VICKI: No! DOCTOR: Hmm? VICKI: Well, you haven't got the sort of face that...kills things DOCTOR: (Laughs.) And Barbara has I suppose? Eh? You know she was frightened, frightened for your safety. She thought you were going to be hurt. Good gracious me, you mustn't behave like that! Now, look here, er, erm, I think the best thing for you to do is to pop along back there, don't you, hmm? Eh? You must believe what Barbara did, try and understand my dear, and why she did it! Just for me, eh? (VICKI smiles and walks back to the living quarters. The DOCTOR knocks on BENNETT'S door.) DOCTOR: Mr. Bennett! BENNETT: (OOV.) You can't come in. (The DOCTOR pushes the door but only manages to open it a little.) DOCTOR: I want to talk to you! (The DOCTOR picks up a girder type piece of metal from the floor and starts banging it against the cabin door.) DOCTOR: Oh...ah dear... [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (VICKI ignores the banging noise and starts to clear away the table. The outer door opens and IAN and BARBARA enter the ship. VICKI just glances at them.) IAN: The Doctor gone to see Mr. Bennett? VICKI: Yes, I took him. IAN: Good, good. (VICKI walks past BARBARA, puts some metal containers away and then turns back quietly to her.) VICKI: Barbara? BARBARA: Yes? VICKI: I'm sorry. Really I am. BARBARA: (Smiles.) I'm sorry too...about Sandy. (She helps her clear things away.) VICKI: Well, you didn't know. I'm afraid I've got rather used to being on my own. IAN: We know how you feel Vicki. We felt the same way ourselves at first. VICKI: At first? I don't understand. You're from Earth too aren't you? BARBARA: Yes, but it goes a bit deeper than that. VICKI: How do you mean? BARBARA: Well, erm, what was the year when you left Earth? VICKI: (Puzzled.) 2493, of course. My mother had just died and Daddy wanted to get away so he took a job on the planet Astra. IAN: You were on your way there and you crashed here? VICKI: Yes...but why did you ask me the year? What year did you leave? IAN: Well, you see Vicki, Our space ship, er, well isn't like this one. It...it travels through time. BARBARA: We left in 1963. VICKI: (Amazed.) 1963! But that means you're about...five hundred and fifty years old! (BARBARA looks momentarily horrified at this thought and IAN bursts into laughter at her reaction.) BARBARA: Why, yes, I suppose I am...yes, it's a way of looking at it, but I'll try not to look at it too often! (She elbows IAN in the ribs as he walks over to her still laughing.) VICKI: They didn't have time machines in 1963, they didn't know anything then! IAN: Oh, we weren't entirely ignorant, young lady! Even the Doctor thought it was worth paying us a visit. That's how we got mixed up with him in the first place. BARBARA: The Doctors from a different age, a different planet altogether. VICKI: I don't believe you at all, you're joking with me! (IAN and BARBARA laugh) VICKI: The Doctor, a time traveller!? IAN AND BARBARA: Yes! (They all laugh together.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. SPACESHIP. CORRIDOR (The DOCTOR continues to batter at the door until it bursts open and...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. SPACESHIP. BENNETT'S CABIN (...he staggers into an empty cabin. He throws the girder onto the bed and looks around him. He spots a cupboard.) DOCTOR: (Laughs gently.) What have we here? (He opens the cupboard and finds a various pieces of electronic equipment.) DOCTOR: Tape recordings for what? (He switches the machine on and BENNETT'S voice echoes through the cabin.) BENNETT: (OOV.) You can't come in. (The DOCTOR switches the tape off and activates another control. He hears the conversation from the bugged living quarters.) VICKI: (OOV.) Oh yes I like the Doctor... [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS VICKI: ...its funny but as soon as he walked in, I...I felt that...you could trust him, but why does he wear those funny clothes?! And that long white hair! (BARBARA smiles at IAN who laughs quietly.) BARBARA: Vicki, I've told you the Doctor comes from another time. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. SPACESHIP. BENNETT'S CABIN VICKI: (OOV.) Oh, don't start that again! (IAN can be heard laughing. The DOCTOR smiles and switches the machine off.) DOCTOR: Hmm! Silly child! Silly child! (He closes the cupboard.) DOCTOR: Intercom systems, tape recordings, now, I wonder what else? Hmm? (He walks over to a control panel on the other side of the cabin next to the bed. At random, he pulls a lever down. A trapdoor in the floor in the middle of the cabin bangs open. The DOCTOR walks over, kneels down and looks through the trapdoor.) DOCTOR: (Laughs.) Yes, I see, an easy way to get out of a locked room! [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS IAN: They're taking a long time aren't they? (He walks over to the door leading to the cabin. VICKI follows.) VICKI: I don't think we should disturb them. IAN: Well, they can always tell me to go away. (Followed by the two women, he goes through the door...) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. SPACESHIP. CORRIDOR (...and down the corridor to BENNETT'S cabin. He knocks on the door.) IAN: Doctor? Mr. Bennett? Can I come in? Doctor? (He knocks again.) Doctor? (He knocks once more then pushes the door open.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. SPACESHIP. BENNETT'S CABIN (He enters an empty cabin.) IAN: They've gone! (BARBARA and VICKI run in. The trapdoor in the floor is now closed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. PASSAGEWAY (The DOCTOR is again in the passageway that he traversed earlier with IAN. He reaches the door set in the rock and walks through it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. HALL OF JUDGEMENT (He finds himself at the top of a flight of steps that is at one end of a long and atmospheric chamber. Incense burns from the top of several pillars that form an avenue from the steps to the other end of the hall. The DOCTOR walks down the steps and between the columns. He reaches an ornate table and chairs and, beyond them, an altar type affair with candlesticks and other regalia placed on it. He throws open a chest and finds ornate robes within. He takes one out and examines it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (The three re-enter the living quarters.) BARBARA: But where could they have gone to? VICKI: Perhaps Koquillion came. IAN: No, we would have heard him, anyway, the Doctor would surely have warned us. BARBARA: He wouldn't go off without telling us. What do you think we ought to do? VICKI: I think we should stay here. IAN: No. Go back to the TARDIS. In the end, the Doctor'll make for that. Come on. Quickly. (They leave the ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. HALL OF JUDGEMENT (The DOCTOR sits quietly in one of the chairs with his back to the hall. He hears a noise behind him.) DOCTOR: Come in, come in, won't you? I've been waiting to talk to you. (KOQUILLION enters the chamber, walks down the stairs and through the columns. The DOCTOR stands up but still keeps his back to the approaching creature. When KOQUILLION is stood behind him, the old man speaks.) DOCTOR: This used to be the peoples' hall of judgement. (He turns and faces KOQUILLION.) DOCTOR: Fitting in the present circumstances don't you think? Hmm? Mr. Bennett, May I remind you that masks and robes such as you are wearing are only used on absolutely ceremonial occasions, hmm? ("KOQUILLION" takes off one of his spiked hands, revealing a human hand. This mask is then taken off and BENNETT'S bearded features glare malevolently at the DOCTOR.) BENNETT: Are you finished? DOCTOR: Yes, I had hoped that you would continue. This elaborate plan...must have been conceived for some reason, what? Hmm? (BENNETT walks towards the DOCTOR who starts to back away round the table. BENNETT follows.) BENNETT: To save my life. I killed a crewmember on the spaceship to Astra. I was arrested. The ship crashed. My crime hadn't been radioed to Earth. I knew if I could get rid of the other crewmembers... DOCTOR: ...get rid of the other crewmembers and blame...their deaths on the Dido people, hmm? (Laughs.) BENNETT: When we crash landed, the inhabitants invited us all to a grand meeting. It was simple. I just arranged an explosive, using the ships armaments. The whole thing went up. All the inhabitants, the crew, the whole race. DOCTOR: You destroyed a whole planet to save your own skin. You're insane! (BENNETT places his bejewelled club-like weapon on the table.) BENNETT: The girl didn't know I'd been arrested. When we get back to Earth, she'd support my story. I dressed up as Koquillion to show her how terrible the people here were. DOCTOR: If that happened, your guilt would have been hidden forever, hmm? BENNETT: If it happened? (He laughs as the DOCTOR quietly reaches for the club.) Nothings changed. There's only three more people for Koquillion to kill, that's all. (The DOCTOR raises the club. BENNETT sees this and grabs at it. In the struggle, it is activated and there is an explosion on the other side of the hall. Part of the roof crashes down. The club is also broken in two in the fight between the two men. The DOCTOR grabs a sword off the altar. BENNETT raises one of the chairs and the DOCTOR lunges at it with the sword. Both weapon and "shield" are cast aside. The DOCTOR rushes at the altar for another weapon but BENNETT grabs him and starts strangling him. BENNETT suddenly stops in shock. Two men, clothed in white suits, boots and small cloaks stand on the other side of the altar. They are native Didonians.) BENNETT: No! I thought I'd killed all of you! (The two Didonians walk round either side of the altar towards the criminal. He backs away across the hall, looking in vain for any weapons. He thrusts a chair in the path of one of the two oncomers but he merely steps aside it. BENNETT runs up the steps as the Didonians approach and out of the door but oversteps the narrow ledge outside. With a scream, he falls to his death. The two Didonians turn back to the collapsed DOCTOR. The last thing he sees before losing consciousness is their two expressionless faces looking down at him...) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR comes to in his chair in the console room.) BARBARA: He's coming round. (He looks around him as the two teachers bend over him.) DOCTOR: Oh, Barbara, Ian. We're back in the ship, eh? IAN: Yes, I...took the liberty of borrowing your key. BARBARA: Doctor, we found you outside. DOCTOR: Yes, that's ... they left me outside. IAN: They? Who? DOCTOR: Oh, er, two strange, er, er, yes, Bennett's dead. Bennett was Koquillion, you know. IAN: What? Bennett, Koquillion? DOCTOR: Yes. IAN: What, well, why, why, Doctor? BARBARA: No, no, no, no, not now Ian, He's in no condition to answer questions. DOCTOR: The girl, Vicki, now, did you, did you bring her? BARBARA: Yes. DOCTOR: Where? (He stands up with the teacher's help.) BARBARA: She's waiting outside. DOCTOR: Oh, I must get some fresh air. Yes, I...I want to have a talk with that child. IAN: You alright? DOCTOR: Yes, now don't fuss especially, I'm...I'm quite alright my boy, I'm quite alright. (He pats IAN'S hand and walks out of the TARDIS.) BARBARA: Ian, what about Vicki? I wish we could take her with us. Hmm? (IAN looks at her in surprise.) Well, we can't leave her here, can we? [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. CAVE (In the cave outside the TARDIS, the DOCTOR has explained all to a saddened VICKI.) DOCTOR: Er, that's about...what happened, and that's all. VICKI: Then...Bennett murdered my father? (The DOCTOR nods. VICKI turns sadly away.) VICKI: Then I've got nobody. DOCTOR: My dear, my dear, (He places his hands on her shoulders.) why don't you come with us? Hmm? VICKI: In...in that old box? DOCTOR: (Laughs.) We can travel anywhere and everywhere in "that old box" as you call it! Regardless of space and time. VICKI: Then it is a time machine? DOCTOR: And if you like adventure, my dear, I can promise you an abundance of it! Apart from all that, well you'll...you'll be amongst friends. Hmm? Well? Now, suppose I leave you here for a moment to think about it. Hmm? (He pats her chin and laughs gently. He walks back into the TARDIS leaving a pensive VICKI in the cave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM BARBARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? BARBARA: We were talking about Vicki and we were wondering whether... IAN: Yes, do you think er, Vicki, er... DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, I can see that we've all reached the same decision. Now, I suggest we try and get the answer from the child, hmm? (He turns to the open doors.) Vicki! Vicki, my dear! Come in. (VICKI enters the ship but stands, open mouthed, on the threshold.) VICKI: Well, its huge!!... (She walks into the room.) and...well...the outside is just...well.. BARBARA: Vicki, are you going to come with us? VICKI: (Shyly.) Oh I, I'd like to...yes, if you'll have me. (The DOCTOR laughs, crosses to the console and closes the doors. He starts to activate the controls as IAN, BARBARA and their new companion watch.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. SPACESHIP. LIVING QUARTERS (In the living quarters of the crashed ship, the radio bursts into life. Again the sound is filled with static.) SPACE CAPTAIN: (OOV.) Rescue ship to Dido. Rescue ship to Dido. Come in please. (The SPACE CAPTAIN tries again as the two Didonians enter the ship and look around.) SPACE CAPTAIN: (OOV.) This is rescue ship calling Dido. Rescue ship calling Dido. Come in please. Dido, can you hear me? This is rescue ship calling... (The two Didonians lunge at the radio ship and pull its components apart.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35. INT. CAVE (The TARDIS dematerialises...) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR checks the controls as IAN questions him.) IAN: So there were survivors on Dido? Bennett didn't kill them all? DOCTOR: They have their planet back to themselves again. And somehow, I don't think they will allow that rescue ship to land. (Laughs.) Well... IAN: Hmm. That isn't why you brought Vicki along with us, is it Doctor? DOCTOR: No, Chesterton, no, it wasn't the reason. We shall be materialising quite soon. Perhaps we shall be able to get a rest this time. (Laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: EXT. HILLSIDE (The TARDIS materialises on a wooded cliffside. Against the sound of birdsong, it immediately begins to rock precariously on its base.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR switches off controls whilst IAN is the first to notice that not all is quite right with the TARDIS's new landing site.) DOCTOR: There we are! Safely down. IAN: What's that movement, Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? IAN: Well, surely you can feel it? DOCTOR: What movement? (BARBARA and VICKI rush to the console, as the rocking movement grows greater.) BARBARA: Doctor! What's happening? DOCTOR: Oh! IAN: Take off again Doctor! DOCTOR: Hold on! VICKI: We're falling! (The room suddenly lurches to one side.) DOCTOR: Hold on, Hold on, Hold on! (The companions are all thrown to one side and onto the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: EXT. HILLSIDE (The TARDIS falls off the cliffside and down into the valley.)

The Doctor, Ian and Barbara arrive on the planet Dido where a crashed spaceship with the only two survivors are terrorized by the monsterKoquillion. But who is Koquillion? But the enemy may be closer then they think...

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x16

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x16_0

LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [INT. KAREN'S CAF - BEHIND THE COUNTER - DAY] LUCAS: I wanna move in with Dan. KAREN: Over my dead body(!) (Lucas stares with his mouth open.) KAREN: (v.o) What does Dan have over you? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING] (Lucas empties his stuff onto the bed, including his HCM medicine and leaflets.) DAN: (Entering the room.) How did you convince her that you didn't have HCM? LUCAS: I used Keith's negative results letter. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEW BRUNSWICK COUNTY TRANSIT AUTHORITY - EVENING] (Haley has her hands in her pockets as she walks past Chris, towards the bus door.) NATHAN: (v.o) She left to be with Chris. She kissed him, before she left. (Chris puts her luggage away as he watches her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - FRONT HALL - EVENING] (Andy has his phone in his hand as he talks to Karen.) ANDY: My investigator found something interesting about Dan. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Peyton and Jake are sitting on Peyton's bed after their first date.) JAKE: Let's just... go slow. OK? PEYTON: (Considers before nodding.) OK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING] NATHAN: You know there's a girl you had feelings for. LUCAS: Nathan- NATHAN: Look me in the eye. Tell me I'm wrong. (Lucas looks at Nathan but can't say it.) NATHAN: You need to talk to her, Luke. (Nathan walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - FRONT SEATING - EVENING] (Jules sits in the church, Dan behind her. She was praying before he entered.) JULES: (Her back to him.) I've decided to tell Keith the truth. DAN: Maybe you won't have to. I think I'll just let this one go. (Jules turns to look at him.) DAN: Keith doesn't ever have to know. FADE TO BACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVER WALK - DAY] (A white boat with white sails moves slowly past.) LUCAS: (v.o) Kahlil Gibran once wrote: (Lucas comes into the shot, bouncing a basketball while listening to his Ipod.) You're reason and your passion are the rudder... and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; (Shot fades to that of a church with Keith standing by his car, looking up at it.) and passion, unattended, is a flame that burn to it's own destruction. (Lucas continues to bounce the ball as he comes upon Keith.) KEITH: Hey! (Lucas looks up, holds the ball steady and takes an earphone out.) LUCAS: Hey! (They clap hands.) LUCAS: You're a... (Looks at him.) little early... (Takes the other earphone out.) and underdressed. (Laughs) KEITH: (Looks down at himself.) Yeah well, you know, I'm just... making sure everything's OK. (Smiles at Lucas.) LUCAS: Anything I can help you with? KEITH: (Shakes his head.) No, no. You've done enough. Everything is perfect. (Hugs Lucas.) I'm getting married today. (Lucas looks past Keith's shoulder, slightly worried.) (A phone rings off-screen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Nathan sighs as he picks his phone off the floor. He answers his cell in his tank top, on his stomach, half off the bed.) NATHAN: Didn't know rock stars were such early risers. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE - DAY] (Haley walks around a deserted backroom.) HALEY: (Tiredly) We just finished rehearsing all night. (Laughs to herself.) NATHAN: (Through the phone.) Yeah- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] NATHAN: -don't let me stop you from falling into bed with Chris. HALEY: (Through the phone.) It's not like that and you know it. NATHAN: (Scoffs and moves.) I don't know anything, anymore. (Gets off the bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE - DAY] HALEY: (Exasperatedly) You know, I was just calling to tell you that we're gonna be on TV. We're doing this live interview and I was hoping you'd watch. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Nathan is sitting on the edge of his bed.) NATHAN: (Sceptically) That's why you called? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE - DAY] HALEY: Nathan, none of this means anything if I can't share it with you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BADROOM - DAY] NATHAN: (Sighs mockingly and stands.) Keith's wedding's today. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE - DAY] HALEY: (Surprised) He's getting married? NATHAN: (Through the phone.) Yeah- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BADROOM - DAY] (He stops at the window.) NATHAN: -It won't last. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE - DAY] (Haley closes her eyes and sighs.) HALEY: What, what can I say to make things better because I really want to. You know? NATHAN: (Through the phone.) You can't,- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (He smiles.) NATHAN: -see, (Sighs) it's a part you have to live with. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE - DAY] (Haley sighs.) (Half the shot fades into the apartment with Nathan standing and looking out at the balcony, he sighs too.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (The camera pans down from the window, across Jenny, to the bed where Peyton and Jake are lying, kissing.) (Jake pauses as Jenny mumbles.) JENNY: Dada. JAKE: (Shocked) That was a word(!) (Points behind. A door opens somewhere.) That was definitely a word. (Sits up and turns to his daughter.) PEYTON: (Smiling) In what, Swahili? JAKE: She said 'dada'! (Peyton sighs.) My baby's a genius. (Peyton laughs and Brooke comes rushing in, ecstatic and completely ignorant to the fact that Jake is the bed too.) BROOKE: OK, major news; (Peyton turns to her. Jake does too.) Brooke Davis is officially twenty-four hours away from being student council president and rich again! PEYTON: (Clearly embarrassed with her position.) What, you and Felix getting married, too? BROOKE: Please(!) My dad has this final job interview with this giganto company today; they're taking him to play golf... (Peyton turns to Jake, laughing.) and while my dad may not be the brightest tool in... the wherever they keep tools, he can play golf like freaking Michael Jordan(!) PEYTON: (Laughs) OK... BROOKE: (Finally noticing Jake.) And hello, Mrs Jagielski, you two are totally in bed together(!) (Backs up.) (Jake smiles at Jenny.) PEYTON: (Threateningly) Brooke(!) BROOKE: This is great, I am gonna go... and do... almost rich girl things and you are going to call me later with the details. (She smiles, jumps about a bit and leaves.) (Jake turns and points at Jenny.) JENNY: Dada. JAKE: (Joyfully) She's saying 'dada'! (Peyton laughs loudly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY] (Nathan takes yoghurt and some more things out of the fridge and puts them into his bag. He turns back to the fridge to get more things. Lucas walks to the fridge and takes out a bottle of water.) LUCAS: Just leave the caviar. I've acquired a taste for it. (Smiles at Nathan.) (Lucas laughs and turns to sit at the table while Nathan continues to rummage around the fridge.) LUCAS: You know, there's gonna be free food at Keith's wedding today. NATHAN: (Looks at him and smirks.) No thank you. I'm not going to that. (Puts some cans in his bag.) LUCAS: You really gonna do that to Keith? NATHAN: Look who's talking. I can't believe you're actually gonna let them go through with it. LUCAS: He loves her... and she loves him. She just made a mistake. (His double meaning is quite obvious.) You gonna crucify her for the rest of her life? NATHAN: Haley called this morning. LUCAS: (Pleased) That's great. NATHAN: Yeah, to tell me she's gonna be on TV today. You believe that? LUCAS: (Shrugs) It's still awesome for her, man. NATHAN: (Turning back to the fridge.) Yeah, whatever. (Takes a bottle.) LUCAS: Look, Nate, I think you should come to the wedding, man. A lot of people miss you. (Nathan looks at his brother but doesn't reply.) DEB: (o.s) Nathan(!) (Smiles as she enters the room, pleased to see her son.) I'm so glad you're here. Um,... let me make you some eggs? NATHAN: (Barely looking at her.) I think you're out. (He shuts the fridge.) (He sighs and turns to his bag as Deb watches him, heartbroken.) DEB: It's so good to see you. (Nathan takes his bag and walks past Lucas and out of the house. Lucas feels bad for Deb. She sighs.) LUCAS: Sorry. (He stands and walks in the same direction.) (Deb stands and sighs for a while before turning to the cabinet on her right and opening it. She rummages around and takes out a bottle of pills, throwing a quick glance behind her to make sure that no one's looking. She opens it with shaking hands and takes out two pills.) (She pours herself a glass of water and takes one pill, then takes the other. The camera pans to show Lucas leaning against the far wall, looking at her but keeping out of her eyesight. His expression is set and he backs away slowly.) (Deb sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. JULES' HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY] (Dan is sitting oh the porch chair, smiling. The door opens and Jules stands there, in a red robe.) DAN: (Barely turning to look at her.) Great day for a wedding. (Smiles) JULES: What do you want? DAN: (Reaches out in front and grabs something.) Bought you a present. (He opens a jewellery box and hold out a sapphire and diamond necklace to her.) DAN: Something blue, right? (Jules takes it from him for a closer look. She shuts the box.) JULES: I'm not taking it!(!) (Holds it out to him.) DAN: (Holds a hand up.) Come on, it's your final payment. JULES: You said we were done. DAN: And we are. (Turns to her and smirks.) Just wanted to say 'welcome to the family'. (He stands.) JULES: So easy for you, isn't it? (Dan pauses. He looks forward as he listens to her.) JULES: (Mockingly) Dan Scott; king of the world. (Smiles) But someday, somebody's gonna bring you down and I'm gonna watch. DAN: Don't hold your breath, sweetheart. (Jules glares at him as he walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAF (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - KITCHEN - DAY] (Karen takes cookies out of the oven as people work in the kitchen. She places them at the front. Andy enters the caf , holding a folder and looking down at it.) (Karen sees him and hurries to him.) KAREN: Did you talk to your investigator? ANDY: I did. KAREN: (Expectantly) Anything I can use to get Lucas back? ANDY: (Nods) Yeah. Have you ever heard of Emily Chambers? KAREN: No, why? ANDY: I think Dan's having an affair. (Karen looks at Andy, stunned. She looks at the folder.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAF (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - COUNTER - DAY] (Karen's looking through the folder. She flips past a photocopy of a cheque for two thousand dollars, made out to Emily Chambers and signed by Dan.) (She smiles and walks to Andy.) KAREN: Emily Chambers? I've never even heard of her. ANDY: Well, Dan sure has. He's paying her rent, (Karen looks back at the folder.) her bills; personal cheque. KAREN: (Scoffs) Well, why am I even surprised? (Looks up at Andy, eyes wide.) Poor Deb(!) ANDY: Karen, I-I know you care for Deb but... Dan's not fighting fair here. If we wanna get Lucas back, we have to beat him at his own game. My guy's working on a photo; we should find Emily first. (Karen looks at him sadly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIQUOR STORE - DAY] (Whitey's looking at bottles of alcohol. He's unsure of which one to buy. Nathan walks in behind him and pauses.) NATHAN: (Cockily) Little liquid courage for the groom? WHITEY: (Not turning) Hello, Nathan. NATHAN: It's not too late to stop him, you know? (Whitey puts the bottle back and picks up another.) Tell him what kind of hell he's really in for... like someone should have done for me. WHITEY: (Laughs) You're getting pretty good at the moody, broody bit, aren't you? Plan to give Lucas a run for his money? (Puts that bottle back, too.) NATHAN: Whatever(!) (Turns and walks to the fridge full of beer cases and bottles.) Let's have it. WHITEY: And what's that? NATHAN: (Opens the door.) The inspirational story. (Takes out a case of beer.) Isn't this the part where you tell me everything's gonna be OK? (Shuts the door.) WHITEY: (Turns to him with a mocking smile.) I'm sorry; the pity store's closed today. (His smile turns into a glare. He turns back.) Besides, I'm not sure you're worth it anymore. NATHAN: (Shrugs) Great(!) WHITEY: (Picks his bottle and heads for the checkout.) Look son, you took a big risk and I admire you for that, (Nathan follows him.) but it's easy to be happy when things are going well. (Nathan puts his case up too.) Marriage is about making it through, staying together even when things turn to crap. (He counts his money.) NATHAN: Looks like I got my story anyway. WHITEY: (Turns to Nathan.) Will you grow the hell up?! You might not like Haley very much right now, but she's still your wife and where I come from, that still means something, whether like it or not! (Nathan stares and Whitey smiles viciously.) WHITEY: There's your story. (To the shopkeeper.) By the way, his ID's fake. (Nathan sighs as the shopkeeper takes his lager away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY] (Lucas opens the cupboard and takes out the bottle of pills. He looks behind, much like Deb did, before reading the label.) (The pills are prescribed to Deb and come with a warning of schedule II control abuse liability. They are basically, very powerful painkillers.) (A door opens off-screen.) BROOKE: KNOCK KNOCK! (Lucas almost drops the bottle in his surprise. He puts a hand to his head. Brooke appears in the doorway, laughing. He puts the bottle back.) LUCAS: Jeez! Uh... (Shuts the cupboard door and sighs in relief.) crazy girl, what are you doing to my heart? (Brooke walks forward.) BROOKE: Good thing you don't have that genetic defect(!) (Jumps up and sits on the worktop.) LUCAS: (Evasively) Yeah. What're you doing here? BROOKE: Well, I just came by to let you know that my safe ride's program; 'DW not I', is officially up and running so pass the word at the reception. (Lucas opens another cupboard door, all the while looking at her.) You know, drunk and bitter bridesmaids and... (Shrugs) Deb. LUCAS: (Confused) Yeah. BROOKE: (Very obviously.) It's a shame I'm... not gonna be there myself. (Lucas looks at her, raising an eyebrow.) BROOKE: (Quickly) To let everyone know... about the program. LUCAS: Uh-huh(!) BROOKE: (Smiling) What? LUCAS: (Shuts the cupboard.) I don't know; big... romantic ceremony,... (Brooke sighs longingly.) followed by a big fancy party. Wow(!) BROOKE: (Groans sadly.) Oh,... I know. (Lucas walks around her and she turns to watch him.) And then there's the flowers and the dresses and the vows(!) LUCAS: Not to mention my best man speech. BROOKE: Come on, you're killing me. You know I'm a sucker for weddings! Any (Gets off the counter.) chance you could use a date, in a just friends sorta way to pal around with? LUCAS: (Eyes her.) What about Felix? BROOKE: Grounded; his parents found out the 'Bash for Brooke'... and besides, we said we were gonna try to be friends. (Smiles) LUCAS: Yeah, we did. (Nods) BROOKE: (Looking at him, short of begging.) Please. Please, Lucas(!) Please, please, please, I wanna go so bad! (Lucas looks away, laughing silently.) LUCAS: (Giving in.) OK. BROOKE: Yay! (Holds up her arms in victory.) LUCAS: It's a date. (Off Brooke approaching objection.) Kinda - sorta - not really. BROOKE: Yeah, whatever, I'm in. Just... pick me up early. (She smiles and leaves the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton is standing in front of the mirror, holding a top to herself, she's trying to see how good it looks. Brooke walks into the room, Peyton sees her through the mirror.) BROOKE: (Smirking) Hello, hottie! PEYTON: (Turning) Oh,... yeah, well, (Holds the dress up.) this one wasn't my mom's, so... (Smiles) BROOKE: Yeah, well,... (Opens her coat to show her dress.) neither was this one(!) (Peyton gapes at the sparkly multicoloured dress.) PEYTON: Whoa(!) BROOKE: (Laughs) I know, I kinda Anne Frank'd a couple things in the attic before the yard sale. PEYTON: So you're going to the wedding? BROOKE: Um-hum. (Uncertainly) With... Lucas. (Pause) Just as friends. (Sits on Peyton's bed.) PEYTON: (Humouring her.) Really? BROOKE: (Smiling) Come on, love triangles are so last season. PEYTON: (Shrugs) So, I mean, Felix is totally cool with it, right? BROOKE: (Guiltily) ...I actually haven't, um... told him yet. PEYTON: (Wide-eyed) Brooke(!) BROOKE: I know, it's just, I've never just been friends with a guy before except Mouth and... that's different. PEYTON: (Putting on earrings.) Well how's it going? BROOKE: Good(!) Felix is my boyfriend, Lucas and I are just friends. I promise. (Smiles thankfully.) But I love you for looking out for me. PEYTON: OK. (Turns back to the mirror.) BROOKE: (Walks to her.) On the subject of boys; how are things going with Jake? (Crosses her arms.) PEYTON: (Shrugs) You know, still taking it slow. BROOKE: Oh, slow's good, (Nudges her with her hip.) fast is better(!) (Peyton laughs.) PEYTON: (Pushes her lightly.) Shut up(!) (They laugh.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - DAN AND DEB'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Deb is sitting at her vanity. She's getting ready. Lucas is seen through the slightly open door. He knocks. Deb turns to see who it is.) DEB: Lucas, hi. LUCAS: (Enters slightly.) Hey. DEB: You better get dressed. (Turns back to the mirror and combs her hair.) LUCAS: Yeah, I know. I know Nathan was kind of abrupt this morning,... just wanted to make sure you were OK. DEB: (Looks at his reflection.) I'm fine. (Smiles) LUCAS: Deb,... after my accident,... the doctors prescribed me some... really powerful painkillers (Deb stares at her reflection.) except for they gave them to my mom... because they knew how easy it would be for me... (Deb turns to him, slowly and angrily.) or anyone for that matter to become addicted. DEB: (Forcefully calm.) Have you been spying on me? LUCAS: I was just- DEB: You are a guest in my house, Lucas... and as long as you're living under my roof, I would appreciate you not snooping around in my life(!) LUCAS: (Shakes his head.) Deb, I'm just trying to help. DEB: Oh, go-yeah, that's just what I need; an adolescent boy to solve all my problems. LUCAS: Deb(!) DEB: (Stands) Get the hell outta here, Lucas. (Walks to him.) You are way outta line, and way out of your league(!) (Lucas backs up as she slams the door in his face. He looks down and turns away from the door. On the other side, Deb looks around, worriedly.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - KAREN'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Andy finishes zipping Karen's dress up. She smiles appreciatively into the mirror and smoothes the dress down.) ANDY: (Donning his jacket.) So you, uh, (Indicates the both of them.) still think this looks weird? KAREN: Uh-um. (Shakes her head.) And it feels pretty good, too. ANDY: (Laughs) (Without thinking.) I love you. (Andy halts as he realises what just slipped out. Karen is staring forward, her back to him; worry etched into her face.) ANDY: ...Oh god, that,... that kinda came out, didn't it? (The worry's gone as Andy continues to struggle.) ANDY: Not that I,... not that I don't mean it, coz,... I've been dying to say that for a-for a while now, it just, it just never seems like the right time. (Karen turns to him.) You know, what with Lucas being thrown into jail an-and me-me getting a private investigator, it's just... well, uh, (He walks up to her.) I love you. I love your mind, I love your heart, I love picturing our future together. (Karen gives him a look.) I mean, I-I hate the thought of you... (Shrugs) ever not being in my life. KAREN: Andy- ANDY: An-and, I don't want you to say anything. You... know, I just... I just had to get that out. (Tries to turn.) KAREN: (Smiling) I love you too. (He turns to her, delighted.) ANDY: I was hoping you'd say that! (They kiss.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Jake walks into Peyton's bedroom.) JAKE: Peyton! PEYTON: I'm so sorry, I'm not ready yet. Just give me two seconds. I'm being a total girl. JAKE: (Checking his watch.) That's OK, we got time. (He stands and waits. Peyton's bathroom door opens and she exits. She wearing a green, strapless, dress and smiling.) JAKE: (Speechless) Wow(!) (Scoffs) 'Total girl' is right(!) (Peyton smiles as he approaches her.) JAKE: It's a, uh,... good thing that we're taking it slow, right? PEYTON: Yeah. (Whispers) Slow. JAKE: Yeah. (There's a beat before they kiss. She takes his suit jacket off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KEITH'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM -DAY] (Keith puts his suit on and looks in the mirror. He straightens his clothes and picks up the box with the ring. He looks at if before closing the box and pocketing it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Nathan stops walking and looks down their wedding picture and the Polaroid snapshot that Deb put in it. The camera fades back to his face and then back to the picture.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - HALLWAY - DAY] (There's a framed picture of Dan and Deb on their wedding day - it's a very bad fake. Deb is leaning on the shelf and looks at it. She looks up into the mirror in front of her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULES' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Jules stands in front of the mirror and looks at herself in a lace wedding dress. She smiles at her reflection.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton and Jake's clothes are strewn all over the floor. The camera pans across it before moving to the bed where the pair are very much naked. The bedcovers barely cover anything. There are a series of fade outs as the viewers get various shots of their faces as they go at it - they are going to be late.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - DAY] (Lucas walks up to Brooke as she walks down the path smiling.) LUCAS: Hi. BROOKE: Hi. LUCAS: (Looks at her.) You know you look amazing, right? BROOKE: (Laughs embarrassedly.) Thanks. (They walk to Lucas' car and he holds the passenger door open for her. She gets in and he closes the door. Brooke looks on, smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton and Jake have finished and are just lying in bed.) JAKE: How're you feeling? PEYTON: (Looks at him.) Happy. JAKE: (Smiles) Yeah, me too. (He picks up his watch from the bedside table and looks at the time.) JAKE: Man, we're gonna be late. PEYTON: Weddings always start a little bit late anyway, right? JAKE: At least half an hour. (The camera zooms out slowly.) PEYTON: ...Works for me. (They go at it again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - SEATING AREA - DAY] (Brooke and Lucas walk into the place where the party will take place. There is an ice statue of two swans, with their heads bowed and touching, as the centrepiece.) BROOKE: (Awed) Oh, it's beautiful(!) Thank you for bringing me, Lucas. LUCAS: (Smiles at her.) You're welcome. (Brooke touches the ice statue and grins.) LUCAS: So,... how are things with Felix? BROOKE: ...Good! Great(!) LUCAS: Yeah? BROOKE: Yeah. (Nods) He helped me with my campaign and... threw me a party. (Smiles) LUCAS: So you guys are good. (Looks at her.) BROOKE: I don't know. He's been... so sweet. (Pause) Really, but,... lately, I just kinda find myself feeling... (Grins at him.) independent(!) Amazingly. I don't even know if I want a boyfriend right now(!) LUCAS: I guess we're both... finding a new way... for ourselves, huh? BROOKE: (Smiles) I guess so. (They smile at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STUDIO - BACKSTAGE - DAY] BACKSTAGE GUY: OK, listen up, you go out, they'll ask you a couple of questions. (Walks up to Haley and Chris.) Now keep it positive. You're thrilled to be on TV. It's all about living the dream. (Shakes Chris' hand.) CHRIS: (Nods) Yeah. HALEY: Absolutely. BACKSTAGE GUY: Oh, (Clicks his fingers and turns back to Haley.) take off the wedding ring. HALEY: (Dumbfounded) What!? BACKSTAGE GUY: It's a love song, Haley. Look, you and Chris, I mean, look, you sound like a couple, you look like a couple, (Chris smiles.) let them think you're a couple. HALEY: But we're not a couple(!) BACKSTAGE GUY: Details. CHRIS: Yeah, come on, Haley. (Haley sighs and looks at him.) BACKSTAGE GUY: Alright, look,... the girls should wanna be you and the guys should wanna be with you, alright, the wedding ring kinda gets in the way of it all. CHRIS: For some people. (Haley looks at him.) BACKSTAGE GUY: OK, well, you guys can figure it out but... trust me, I'd lose the ring. (His phone rings and he answers it.) (Into the phone.) I'm leaving right now! HALEY: (Trying to stop him.) Listen, I'm not- (He walks away. Haley sighs and stops.) (To Chris.) I can not believe you're asking me to do this! CHRIS: (Playing with her naivety again.) Haley, this is our shot(!) Nothing else matters. HALEY: Nathan matters! CHRIS: Then what are you doing here? Listen, you made a decision. Don't blink now! (Apparently, nobody taught him that pointing is rude.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Nathan is lying on the couch, tapping the remote on his leg. We can clearly see his wedding ring. Deciding, he sits up and turns the TV on to Gavin DeGraw singing Chariot.) (It is quite obvious to see that the video was shot during last season at Karen's caf during the open mic night.) NICK ZANO: Alright, I'm Nick Zano and this is Totally Live Week. That was Chariot, the new one from Gavin DeGraw who's on tour right now with The Wreakers, otherwise known as Michelle Branch and Jessica Harp. Also on that tour are two newcomers who's single, When the Stars Go Blue drops next Tuesday, (Haley and Chris are chatting.) we're here live with Chris Keller and Haley James. HALEY: (Quickly) Haley James-Scott. (Nathan smiles as he watches.) NICK ZANO: Uh-oh, three name roll. Girls with three names are always trouble. (Haley laughs.) CHRIS: Ah, this one's no different. NICK ZANO: Oh, OK. Now, you guys have great chemistry; obviously a great sound, (Nathan's smile drops.) now tell the truth, you a couple in real life? (Haley and Chris laugh.) HALEY: Um, actually- CHRIS: (Talks over her and pts his arm around her shouldre.) You know, the music never lies. (Grins) (Haley looks straight at the camera. Nathan blinks and looks away.) NICK ZANO: Say no more! You heard it here first. (Nathan can't believe what he's hearing.) Alright, let's take another look at those tour dates and we'll be back, right after this. (Nathan looks back at the TV, betrayed.) FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE CHURCH - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY] (The camera is focussed on the church before panning down to Dan and Deb greeting guests.) DAN: Same colour as that shirt. You know where you're sitting, right? (Dan shakes a woman's hand as she nods.) DAN: See you inside. (He shakes the hand of a man who was just talking to Deb. A photographer approaches Dan and Deb.) PHOTOGRAPHER: (Clapping Dan on the back.) Can I get one of you two? DAN: Absolutely. (The photographer takes a picture and the frame freezes, turning black and white, for a beat. He nods at them and walks away.) DAN: Well, well, well, my son cleans up good. (Lucas walks up with Brooke.) LUCAS: (Stopping in front of him.) Thank you. (Smiles) How are you, Deb? DEB: (Tension palpable.) Great(!) The place is beautiful. LUCAS: I think we're gonna head inside. (Lucas and Brooke walk away.) DAN: Save a slow dance for me Miss. Davis. BROOKE: OK(!) (Under her breath to Lucas.) You old perv(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CURCH - WALKWAY - DAY] (Lucas and Brooke walk down a side together.) LUCAS: I'm sorry. BROOKE: It's OK. I get worse than that from drunk high school boys every Saturday night. LUCAS: Yeah, but it's worse when it's not drunken high school boys but your dad(!) BROOKE: (Looks at him, surprised.) I've never heard you call him that before. LUCAS: (Evasively) I'm trying it out. See how it sounds. BROOKE: And? What do you think? (They come to a halt in front of the signing-in book. Lucas groans.) BROOKE: (Rubbing her arms.) OK, it's freezing in here. LUCAS: (Rubs her arm.) Yeah, that's probably by design; Keith's kind of a sweater, especially when he's nervous. BROOKE: (Amused) OK, things I never needed to know. (Lucas takes his jacket off.) LUCAS: (Nods) Sorry. (Brooke laughs.) LUCAS: Look, here you go. BROOKE: Thank you. (He puts his jacket around her shoulders.) LUCAS: So look, I have to go see Keith, you know, start being the best man. (Laughs) You gonna be OK? BROOKE: Well, can your ego handle it if I tell you I just needed someone to get me in the door? LUCAS: (Shakes his head.) Not really. BROOKE: Then, boy, I am gonna miss you. LUCAS: (Laughs) Yeah. (He walks away as Brooke laughs. She hears a rustling as she moves and inspects. She takes out a folded up piece of paper. She looks back at where Lucas left before looking down at the paper and unfolding it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - SEATING AREA - DAY] (Keith is standing around, alone, with a Champaign glass in hand.) LUCAS: (Approaching from behind.) Old habits die hard, huh? KEITH: (Turns and laughs.) It's-it's just water, smart ass. LUCAS: (Laughs) Yeah. KEITH: It's just so damn hot in there. (Tugs at his collar.) LUCAS: You're gonna be fine. KEITH: Yeah, yeah, I know. But, uh, I'm still glad you're here though. Even if you are still living with the Devil. (Lucas groans again. Keith smiles and nods.) KEITH: Hey, listen, I don't-I don't wanna get mushy but, um, I just wanna say thanks. LUCAS: For what? KEITH: Just... for being you, and for being my best man. You really are it, you know? And I'm real proud of the man you're turning out to be. (Lucas smiles.) LUCAS: Nah, (Slaps him arm.) who do you think I learned it from? (Keith looks to Lucas's side slightly and sees Karen at the dining table with a bowl of roses, laying them out. Karen looks up, sees him, and smiles.) KEITH: Um, just... give me a second, huh? (Puts the glass down and walks to Karen.) LUCAS: Yeah, I'll be inside. (Keith walks to Karen and she looks up.) KAREN: (Smiling) You look amazing. KEITH: (Smiles proudly.) Thanks. So do you... (Shrugs) as always. KAREN: (Smiles) It's good to see you so happy. Jules is great. KEITH: (Nods) Yeah, she is. It's like I finally found my place in the world and it was, uh, it was right here all along. KAREN: (Tensely) I'm glad. KEITH: (Sighs and holds out his arms.) Come here. (Karen walks to him and hugs him. They smile and let go.) KEITH: Also, I really appreciate you and Deb standing up for Jules, you know? She really doesn't have anybody else. KAREN: Of course. (Nods) KEITH: Thank you... and, um, now I've got some vows to go make. KAREN: Yes you do(!) (Smiles) I'll see you up there. KEITH: OK. (Turns and leaves.) (Karen picks up the basket of roses again and walks into the back where people are cooking. Andy shuts his phone, looking worried. Karen looks at him.) KAREN: Is everything OK? ANDY: (Still looking down.) Yeah. I just gotta go pick something up real quick. KAREN: Right now? ANDY: Yeah, I'll be right back, trust me. I wouldn't miss seeing you walk down that aisle. (Kisses her.) (Karen smiles and turns away after he leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - WALKWAY - DAY] (Brooke is reapplying her eye make-up. She sniffs. The shadow of someone appears as they sit next to her.) BROOKE: (Looking away.) Don't look at me. (Sniffs some more.) (Lucas doesn't listen and nudges her.) LUCAS: (Concerned) Have you been crying? BROOKE: Just tearing up a little. (Sighs) I read your speech. LUCAS: Brooke(!) BROOKE: (Smiles and hands his jacket back.) Don't leave your journal where I can find that, either. (Lucas smiles.) It was beautiful. (Lucas looks at her and she recites.) 'Remember tonight for it is the beginning of always'. LUCAS: ...That's Dante. We read him last semester. BROOKE: (Embarrassed) And I need to pay more attention in English. (They laugh.) LUCAS: The rest is me. (Smiles at her.) BROOKE: (Completely taken.) The part about taking chances and believing in the possibility, even when life has given you every reason not to believe... (She smiles happily.) LUCAS: That's what's so great about weddings; you know, two people come together... and even if it's just for one night, they make us believe again. BROOKE: (Smiles) Stop(!) I don't have anymore tissues(!) (Laughs) LUCAS: (Reaches into his pocket and takes out a huge handkerchief.) Here. (Shakes it open.) BROOKE: (Rubbing gently at her eyes. She accepts it.) I just hope at my wedding, someone says something that nice about me. LUCAS: I think you can count on that. (Brooke takes one look at the couple descending the stairs and stands with a gasp.) BROOKE: (Open-mouthed) Oh my god(!) (The photographer comes up behind her.) You guys totally did it(!) (Snapshot sound effect and the frame freezes, black and white, on Peyton and Jake's dumbfounded looks. They've been caught.) PEYTON: Um,... (She straightens Jake's tie and looks at Brooke embarrassedly.) Uh, Brooke, we're - we're in a church(!) BROOKE: (Whispering forcefully.) So?(!) If I can tell, (Looks up and points.) so can He(!) (Peyton and Jake laugh embarrassedly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OUTHOUSE - CHANGING ROOMS - DAY] (Keith walks into the room. Whitey's straightening his bowtie.) WHITEY: Black tie; I haven't worn one of these things since Dick Nixon was in office. (Turns to Keith.) Look what happened to him. KEITH: (Straightens Whitey's tie.) Well, I, um, I appreciate the effort. (Smile happily.) WHITEY: I feel like a penguin(!) (Frowns and turns away again.) (Keith laughs.) WHITEY: Where're your folks? KEITH: Oh, um,... (Amused) they're on safari, believe it or not. Dad's off, uh, killing big animals or something. WHITEY: What has happened to the world for god's sake; their son's getting married! KEITH: (Shrugs) Yeah well, you know, they offered to cancel but I knew Royal would just pout about it the whole time so I - I just told them to come on down next month and meet Jules. (Whitey shakes his head.) So, for right now, you're all I got. WHITEY: Lord help you if that's true. (Takes out a flask from his pocket and unscrews the top.) Maybe you'd like a little boost from Mr J.D. (He holds up the flask. KEITH: (Hesitates) Um... actually (Smiles) I think I'm gonna do this one sober. (Whitey nods and takes a swig.) NATHAN: (o.s) True love! That's a good one. (Whitey and Keith turn to look at the widow, where Nathan's drunken voice is coming from.) NATHAN: (Tipsy) Don't... do it, Keith! Just get out while you can! It's all a lie! (Nathan is standing outside, looking into the window with beer in one hand. He's holding his arms out. He takes a drink and staggers about. Whitey and Keith walk to the window.) NATHAN: There's no such thing as forever(!) (He throws the bottle and it smashes off-screen. He looks at it.) DAN: (o.s) What the hell are you doing?(!) (He comes rushing out of the main church.) This is a church for god's sake! (Deb appears behind him.) NATHAN: Oh, shut your hole you freaking hypocrite(!) (Points at him.) I know what you did. DEB: (Rushing forward.) Nathan, it's OK. Let us help you. NATHAN: Do what? DEB: Be happy again. NATHAN: (Laughs) Happy? You don't even know how to be happy, mom. Haley and I never stood a chance with you. DEB: Is that what you think? NATHAN: (Through an epiphany.) You, (Points at Dan.) you hire Chris too? (Walks to him.) Huh? DAN: (Low but harsh.) Don't make me knock you out, son. NATHAN: (Wavering on his feet.) Screw you, you sick son of a bitch(!) (Dan makes to grab him but even in his drunken state, Nathan can keep his father from grabbing him. There's a lot of scuffling before Lucas gets in the middle.) LUCAS: Hey, come on! Come on. (To Nathan) Hey(!) (To Dan.) Hey(!) (He looks at Nathan as he struggles to hold him back.) Don't do this to Keith. Not here. (Nathan stops struggling.) You alright? (Nathan looks at Dan.) LUCAS: Come on. (They walk past Nathan's parents.) DEB: Nate- (Nathan throws his arms out, dismissing her as he and Lucas walks away. Deb watches him sadly.) LUCAS: (o.s) What're you doing, man? (Nathan is holding onto Lucas to keep himself from falling.) NATHAN: (Struggling to speak.) She said she was with Chris... on national TV. LUCAS: I don't believe it. NATHAN: Neither did I. It's really over, huh? LUCAS: Only if you say it is. NATHAN: (Adopting a lost puppy look.) I'm hurting, Luke. (Sighs) LUCAS: (Uncomfortably pats his brother.) It's gonna be OK. NATHAN: (Face screwed up as he touches his chest.) No, I mean I think I'm gonna puke(!) (He pushes Lucas away as he falls.) LUCAS: Hey- (Nathan throws-up off-screen. The sounds are disgusting. Lucas frowns at the mess and looks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE CHURCH - ROAD - DAY] (A taxi with a sign on top that reads: 'DW not I, SPONSORED BY TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT COUNCIL' is parked at the side of the road. Brooke is standing there.) BROOKE: (o.s) 'DW not I' at your service(!) (Laughs) LUCAS: OK, watch your head. (Lucas puts Nathan into the back of the taxi while Brooke watches.) (Lucas shuts the door.) BROOKE: OK, this is perfect; and I don't mean what happened today, just for 'DW not I', it's so great that Nathan got smashed(!) (She's giddy at her new service.) (Lucas laughs and walks to the driver who just happens to be a Tree Hill High student.) LUCAS: (Exhaling) Just make sure he gets inside, OK? (Gives him some money.) STUDENT: Thanks. (Lucas walks back to Brooke who waves at the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE CHURCH - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY] (Karen rushes forward.) KAREN: (Relieved) Oh, thank god you're back(!) ANDY: Yeah, we have a problem. (He's holding an envelope.) KAREN: I know, Nathan's a mess and we have to start- ANDY: (Rushing on.) I've found Emily Chambers. KAREN: What(!)? (Andy opens the envelope and takes out some papers.) ANDY: Emily Chambers is Jules. (There's a photocopy of her drivers licence. Her birth date shown makes her 30, not 26 like Keith believes.) (The camera pans up to show Jules getting out of the back of a limo and walking forward.) (Birdseye view of Karen and Andy's shocked faces. The camera zooms in on them.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - BACKROOM - DAY] (Karen opens the door and enters, stern expression obvious.) KAREN: (Forcefully calm.) You all set? (Jules turns to her, smiling.) JULES: Yeah, just gotta get my veil. She bends down and picks it up. KAREN: Sure, let me help you with that, (Pause) Emily. (Jules looks up like a deer caught in headlights. She stands up straight.) JULES: Did Lucas tell you? KAREN: (Scoffs disbelievingly.) ...He knows that you're having an affair with Dan?(!) JULES: (Frowning) I'm not having an affair with Dan. KAREN: Oh, really? (Walks forward slowly.) then tell me, why would Dan put you up in an apartment and pay all your bills... and seemingly control every detail of your life unless...? (Understanding) (Jules looks away in anguish.) KAREN: Oh my god(!) It's Keith. (Jules looks down.) He's paying you to get back at Keith(!) JULES: (Closes her eyes painfully.) He was. KAREN: (Distressed) You're a whore(!) JULES: No. I was in trouble. The wedding was never part of the plan. It changed. I told Dan I wanted out. I fell in love with Keith for real. KAREN: How could you do that to Keith? After everything that he has been through(!) JULES: You mean after everything you've put him through? (Karen lunges and slaps Jules hard on her face. Jules turns back slowly.) KAREN: (Voice throbbing with anger.) How dare you(!) JULES: How dare you. (Pause) You didn't want him. Now that he's actually found someone who loves him back,... you wanna take that away from him, too? KAREN: (Her voice is calm but there are tears in her eyes.) I want him to know... who you really are. (Karen just stares Jules down. There's a knock on the door and it opens to Deb.) DEB: Moment of truth(!) (Smiles and shuts the door.) (Jules looks at the door, panicked. She looks back down at Karen.) JULES: He's happy, Karen. (Pause) Can't you just let him be happy? (Karen considers but doesn't answer.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - MAIN ROOM - DAY] (Shot of Jake, Peyton and Brooke sitting on the bench seats. Brooke leans into Peyton.) BROOKE: (Mumbling) Was it awesome? Just give me a hint. (Peyton looks at Brooke, unable to believe that she could be so one tracked.) PEYTON: Brooke(!) (She doesn't elaborate.) BROOKE: I know we're in a church. So blink once if it was good and twice if it was better than that. (Straightens up.) (Peyton looks at Jake before turning to Brooke and blinking once, twice and then rapidly, blinking incessantly.) BROOKE: (Giddily) Ooo, my god, I love weddings(!) (Claps her hands.) (Jake looks at them curiously. Peyton and Brooke laugh nervously at him. Brooke waves. Jake whispers something inaudible to Peyton.) (Keith, Lucas and Whitey enter from a side door and walk down. Brooke waves at Lucas. They stop at the front and turn to face the guests. Dan is sitting at the front on his own seeing as how his wife is a bridesmaid and his son is drunk. He nods at Keith.) (Deb walks down from the end and bumps into Andy. She smiles at him and walks on. Karen walks down behind her.) ANDY: You OK? KAREN: I don't know. ANDY: What'd she say? KAREN: It's not Dan. She loves Keith. ANDY: And you believe her? (Karen pauses and looks down the aisle to Keith who is standing there, grinning.) KAREN: (Sighs) I think I have to. (Deb walks up with two bouquets of flowers.) DEB: That's our cue, gotta go. (Smiles and gives one bouquet to Karen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - BACKROOM - DAY] (Jules stands in front of the mirror, ready to go down. She smoothes her dress down and adjusts her straps. The camera rotates to her face as she puts the veil over her head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - MAIN ROOM - DAY] (Deb walks down the aisle alone, holding the bouquet and smiling.) (Peyton whispers something to Jake and laughs. Brooke whispers something to Peyton.) (Keith, Lucas and Whitey stand there, smiling.) (Deb walks past and Karen enters, holding the same bouquet and walking down the aisle slowly. Deb walks past Keith and stands in her rightful place.) KEITH: (To Lucas.) Your mom looks beautiful. (Lucas smiles at him and looks back at his mother. Karen walks slowly, the worry still on the surface. Karen avoids his gaze as she stands beside Deb. Dan watches her. Karen smiles slightly.) (The wedding march starts up and Keith faces forward. Dan smirks and stands when everyone else does but he doesn't turn to the entrance like the guests do, he watches his brother. The music plays and everyone waits patiently. Karen is looking worriedly at the door.) (The music keeps playing and Jules doesn't appear. Karen looks at Keith but he's facing the door, still waiting but his expression has changed to fear. He shuffles and people start to turn back around, muttering amongst themselves.) (Keith looks at Lucas nervously. Karen looks at Keith and then at Dan. He's smirking enough for everyone up front to see, but none of them are paying any attention to him. Keith frowns and Andy runs into the hall. He stops before walking up the aisle.) ANDY: (Walks slowly.) (Hopelessly) I'm sorry. She left. (There are gasps of shock and disbelief. Keith looks down. He doesn't understand. Camera cuts to Dan who is still smirking.) (Jake, Peyton and Brooke turn as one to look at Keith as do Karen and Deb.) KEITH: (To Lucas.) Give me your keys(!) LUCAS: Keith- KEITH: Just give me your keys(!) (Lucas hands the keys over. Keith walks down the aisle quickly.) KAREN: Keith(!) (He doesn't stop. Karen gives her bouquet to Deb and follows Keith.) KAREN: Keith! (Lucas rushes after the pair as Dan stands and smirks the world to hell. He looks at Deb before looking away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE CHURCH - PARKING LOT - DAY] (Lucas runs out as Keith starts the car, Karen behind Lucas.) LUCAS: KEITH! (He gets to the car just as Keith drives off. Dan walks out behind the pair. Lucas and Karen watch the car. Lucas sees Dan and stalks up to him.) LUCAS: You said you were done(!) That you'd leave them alone. DAN: I didn't do anything. I promise you Lucas; I wouldn't jeopardise my relationship with you again. LUCAS: You - sick - b*st*rd(!) KAREN: (Looks away.) I threatened to tell Keith. (Lucas turns to look at his mother.) KAREN: (Sorrowfully) (To Dan.) I found out about your arrangement and I went to Jules. (Sighs) And I threatened to tell the truth. (Lucas can't believe it. Dan can't believe how well his plan came together and we see the beginning of another world class smirk form. Dan walks to Karen.) DAN: Nice work, Cupid. (Nods) This one's on you. (He looks at her then turns and leaves. She looks down dejectedly then back up at Lucas. He takes his speech out of his pocket and looks at it. Without a word, he crumples it, bins it and walks away.) (The camera pans into the bin where Lucas' miraculously not-crumpled speech is lying.) LUCAS: (v.o) Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - TREES - DUSK] (Nathan, sober, has lit a bonfire and stands over it.) LUCAS: (v.o) A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. (Nathan throws the broken bits of the Wedding Wall into the fire. He throws the last piece in and pulls out the Polaroid's of him and Haley.) (The camera pans to the right.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULES' HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DUSK] (Keith opens the door to Jules' house and rushes in.) KEITH: Jules?! (He walks into the middle of the room and looks around.) Jules?! (Jules' wedding gown is lying there. Keith walks up to it and looks at it desolately.) LUCAS: (v.o) The belief (Keith's head drops.) in each other and the possibility of love. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULE'S CAR - DUSK] (Jules sits in her car and cries.) LUCAS: (v.o) A decision, to ignore or simply rise above the pain of the past. (She is still wearing her engagement ring.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - FRONT SEATING - DUSK] (The camera pans slowly around Karen who sits there, staring.) LUCAS: (v.o) The covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. (Andy walks to her and sits in the seat behind her. He sighs.) KAREN: What have we done? ANDY: (Reaches out to touch her but stops short.) Karen- KAREN: I'm sorry, (Pause) I need to see Keith. (Andy doesn't argue as she stands and walks out of the church. He feels bad about what he's done. He shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - SEATING AREA - EVENING] (Close-up of a bottle of Champaign as it's opened and poured into a glass.) LUCAS: (v.o) The celebration, of the chance taken, and the challenge that lies ahead. (Dan can be heard laughing as he walks towards the cake. He puts the bottle down but holds onto the Champaign glass. He takes a taste of the cake.) DAN: Hmm... (He walks around behind the two little Keith and Jules statues on top of the cake. Taking his finger out of his mouth, he knocks the Keith statue down.) DAN: One down,... (There's a blurry shot from his point of view. The frame focuses and Deb comes into view. She stops and looks at Dan, taking keys out of her bag.) DAN: ...one to go. (Drinks some more. He looks at his wife. She smiles, nods and leaves the room. The camera pans to the exit and the ice statue of the swans gets in the way of a proper view. Dan laughs evilly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT WALK - EVENING] (The camera pans down from Peyton's house to show Peyton looking into her car.) LUCAS: (v.o) For two will always be stronger than one. JAKE: Hey, baby. (Gets out of the car with Jenny.) LUCAS: (v.o) Like a team, braced against the tempest's of the world. JAKE: Can you say 'dada'? Can you say dada? PEYTON: (To Jenny) Hey, Jenny, who's that? Who's that?(!) (Points at Jake.) JENNY: Mama. (Grins) (Peyton looks forward, open-mouthed, to somebody standing just off her porch.) PEYTON: (Panicked) Nikki(!) (Jenny coos and Jake worries.) (Nikki walks forward, a malicious look in her face - surprisingly without the eyeliner. She smirks much like Dan.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - TREES - EVENING] (Nathan puts one Polaroid into the flames and looks at another one. The one Deb put in his and Haley's wedding picture frame.) LUCAS: (v.o) And love... will always be the guiding force in our lives. (Nathan is close to dumping them in the fire when Deb walks up to him. She's sad but smiling.) NATHAN: (Seeing his mother.) (Sighs) What're you doing here? DEB: Making sure you find the kind of happiness... I can barely remember. (Nathan looks at her, confused. She holds out money to him.) DEB: Go get Haley. She's your wife. (Deb smiles encouragingly. Nathan looks about to cry. He ponders and then reaches for the money. He hesitates for a beat before walking away. Deb stands near the bonfire and hugs herself.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE CHURCH - SEATING AREA - EVENING] (Brooke is sitting at a table, having just got off the phone.) LUCAS: (v.o) For tonight is mere formality... only an announcement to the world for feelings long held. (Lucas walks up to Brooke as she looks at her phone.) LUCAS: (v.o) Promises made long ago- (Lucas sits down on a chair, next to her.) LUCAS: (v.o) -in the sacred space of our hearts. LUCAS: (Looking at Brooke's face.) What, more bad news? BROOKE: My dad got that job. LUCAS: Brooke, that's great(!) BROOKE: It's in California(!) (Pause) We're moving next week. (She doesn't know what to say. Lucas rubs her back.) BROOKE: (Close to tears.) I don't wanna go. (She starts to cry and Lucas holds her hand. LUCAS: What're we gonna do? (Brooke looks away and cries. Lucas pulls her forward and she rests her head on his shoulder. She continues to cry as he holds her.)

Keith and Jules' wedding day, and the event turns the town upside down. Brooke asks Lucas to take her to the wedding as his date, Nathan makes an important decision involving his marriage to Haley, and Jake and Peyton take a big step in their relationship. Meanwhile, Karen and Andy discover Jules' secret relationship with Dan. This episode is named after a song by Snow Patrol .

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x11

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x11_0

Genesis of the Daleks by: Terry Nation Part One Running time: 24:30 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. EXT. (In a misty and desolate place, soldiers are firing at each others.) (The Doctor is standing there alone, and looks around. A man in black robes appears before him.) TIME LORD: Ah. Welcome, Doctor. DOCTOR: (Confused.) What's going on? Don't you realize how dangerous it is to intercept a transmat beam? TIME LORD: Oh, come, Doctor, not with our techniques. We Time Lords transcended such simple mechanical devices when the universe was less than half its present size. DOCTOR: Look, whatever I've done for you in the past... I've more than made up for. I will not tolerate this continual interference in my life. TIME LORD: Continual? We pride ourselves we seldom interfere in the affairs of others. DOCTOR: Except mine. TIME LORD: You, Doctor, are a special case. You enjoy the freedom we allow you. In return, occasionally, not continually, we ask you to do something for us. DOCTOR: I won't do it. Whatever it is, I refuse. TIME LORD: Daleks. DOCTOR: Daleks? Tell me more. TIME LORD: We foresee a time when they will have destroyed all other life forms and become the dominant creature in the universe. DOCTOR: That's possible. Tell on. TIME LORD: We'd like you to return to Skaro at a point in time before the Daleks evolved. DOCTOR: Do you mean avert their creation? TIME LORD: Or affect their genetic development so that they evolve into less aggressive creatures. DOCTOR: Hmm. That's feasible. TIME LORD: Alternatively... if you learn enough about their very beginnings, you might discover some inherent weakness. DOCTOR: All right, just one more time. TIME LORD: You'll do it? DOCTOR: Yes. If you'll let me have the space-time coordinates, I'll set the TARDIS for Skaro. TIME LORD: There's no need for that, Doctor. You're here. This is Skaro. DOCTOR: What? (He looks around incredulously.) TIME LORD (OOV.): We thought it would save time if we assumed your agreement. (The TIME LORD hands out a small golden device to the DOCTOR. It looks like a bracelet.) DOCTOR: What's this? TIME LORD (OOV.): A time ring. It will return you to the TARDIS when you've finished here. There's just one thing. DOCTOR: What's that? TIME LORD: Be careful not to lose it. That time ring is your lifeline. TIME LORD (OOV.): Good luck, Doctor. (The DOCTOR is examining the time ring.) DOCTOR: Just a moment. (When he looks up the TIME LORD has vanished.) DOCTOR (OOV.): (Angrily.) Don't just disappear. (Shouting.) What about Sarah and Harry? (The DOCTOR puts on the ring on his left wrist and starts walking.) (SARAH and HARRY are climbing the slope to meet him.) SARAH: Doctor? Doctor! DOCTOR (OOV.): Ah, there you are, Sarah. HARRY: I say, Doctor, that was a pretty rough landing. What happened? SARAH: Yes, where are we? This isn't the beacon. DOCTOR: No, there's been a slight change of plan. (Explosions can be heard not so far away. The DOCTOR instinctively ducks.) DOCTOR: This is Skaro. HARRY: (Looking at the sky.) What's that? It's gunfire. DOCTOR: Heavy artillery. SARAH: Doctor, it's getting closer! DOCTOR: It's a creeping barrage. Get down! (The three of them quickly retreat behind the slope while explosions are now really close and loud. They all have their hands on their ears. SARAH is screaming.) DOCTOR: Something's annoyed them. (Some more explosions. Then it stops.) SARAH: Doctor. Doctor, look. (A man wearing a gas mask is lying in front of them.) DOCTOR: All right. (They approach him and HARRY quickly examines him.) HARRY: Nothing can be done for this chap. (The DOCTOR is looking at the weapons the man was carrying.) DOCTOR: That's strange. There's centuries between these two weapons. SARAH: What's that on his jacket? HARRY (OOV.): Radiation detector and a gas mask. The two things don't go together, do they? SARAH: Part of his uniform is made of animal skins and yet the combat jacket is a modern synthetic fiber. DOCTOR: (Pensively.) It's like finding remains of a stone age man with a transistor radio. HARRY: Playing rock music. DOCTOR: A thousand year war? Civilization on the point of collapse. SARAH: What? DOCTOR: Nothing. Just theorizing, that's all. (The DOCTOR puts down the weapons.) DOCTOR: Come along. HARRY: Where are we going? DOCTOR: Er... forward. (They pass several dead bodies on the ground. The place is a battle field where only rocks and dead wood can be seen. Smoke is rising.) 2. EXT: THE MINEFIELD. (Several feet ahead of them are land mines, partly concealed under rocks and debris.) DOCTOR: Halt, don't move. SARAH: What is it? DOCTOR: I see a land mine. We're in the middle of a minefield. Follow me and tread in my footsteps. SARAH: Good King Wenceslas. (They start moving carefully; the DOCTOR is first, then goes HARRY and SARAH. All of a sudden the DOCTOR stops and looks up to their left.) HARRY: What? DOCTOR: I thought I saw something move. (They resume walking carefully on the rocks.) DOCTOR: I have a feeling we're being watched. SARAH: I get that feeling, too. HARRY (OOV.): I can't see anything. DOCTOR (OOV.): Let's hope it's imagination. (Suddenly, the DOCTOR stops walking again and stays very stiff and still.) HARRY: What is it? DOCTOR: Harry, I'm standing on a land mine. (And indeed, the DOCTOR has is left foot on a mine.) DOCTOR: I felt it shift. If I move my foot, it might detonate it. HARRY: Don't move your foot. DOCTOR: I won't. (HARRY moves cautiously to go in front of the DOCTOR. He crouches down and examines the land mine.) HARRY (OOV.): It's rocking. SARAH: Wedge something under it, make it firm. HARRY: Yes, I'm trying to, Sarah. (HARRY is trying to stabilize the land mine by putting small rocks under it.) HARRY: Back up, Sarah. DOCTOR: You back up, too, Harry. No point in risking both our lives. HARRY (OOV.): No, Doctor, you'll have a better chance if I hold it firm. DOCTOR: Please, Harry, don't be difficult. HARRY: Don't you argue, Doctor. (He has finished stabilizing the land mine.) HARRY: Now... just lift your foot very, very gently. (The DOCTOR lifts his foot. Nothing happens. HARRY stands up, visibly shaken.) DOCTOR: (Smiling.)Thank you, Harry. HARRY: (Smiling too with relief.) My pleasure. DOCTOR: Let's go. (Up on the rocky hill, unseen of the DOCTOR and his companions, a shrouded figure is standing, watching them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. EXT. OUTSIDE THE TRENCHES. DOCTOR: Hey, look. What do you think? (In the distance, through the smoke, can be see a great silver dome.) SARAH (OOV.): It's like a big bubble. DOCTOR (OOV.): Protective dome. SARAH (OOV.): What? (Incredulously.) Large enough to cover an entire city? DOCTOR (OOV.): Yes. HARRY: Why are they fighting with old-fashioned things like barbed wire and land mines if they can build something like that? [SCENE_BREAK] 4. EXT. BEHIND THE TRENCHES. (They approach what looks like tranches made of sandbags with barbed wire on top. There are dead men put on the trenches obviously in order to look like alive combatants.) DOCTOR: Even the dead have a part to play. Propped up to make the trenches appear fully manned. HARRY: Different sort of uniform from that other chap's. DOCTOR: Yes. We may have crossed the lines. SARAH: Same mixture of ancient and modern, though. DOCTOR: Yes. That's why I think this war has being going on for a very long time. They probably started out with the most modern equipment but no longer have the resources. Have to make do. HARRY: War of attrition, eh? Only backwards. At this rate, they're going to finish up with bows and arrows. DOCTOR: Well, it would explain the mixture of equipment. (SARAH has found a door, at the extremity of the trench.) SARAH: Psst. HARRY: (Whispering.) Be careful, Sarah. SARAH: (Also whispering.) It's all right. It's locked. HARRY: It's pretty solid, isn't it? Some kind of service tunnel, I suppose. It might even lead into the dome. DOCTOR: Let's see where the trench leads. (They move away from the door. Someone is watching them from a letter box like opening. He wears a gas mask.) (There is a projectile whistling, and greenish smoke is rising near them in the trench.) DOCTOR: It's a gas shell. SARAH: Gas! DOCTOR: Poison gas. HARRY: (Indicating the dead men.) Respirators, quick. (All three of them manage to put a mask on their head. Soldiers in a camouflage uniform and gas masks of their own appear in the trench and manage to subdue the DOCTOR and HARRY.) (Some more men, this time wearing a black uniform, get out from the door and start shooting at the other soldiers.) KALED LEADER: (Speaking about the DOCTOR.) This one's alive. Get him inside. (They help the DOCTOR to get inside through the door. HARRY is on the floor and coughs.) KALED LEADER: There's another one here. Get him inside. Quickly. (They retreat through the door and close it. SARAH is lying unconscious among the dead Thal soldiers, unseen.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. COMMAND COMPLEX - ENTRANCE. (The soldiers remove their gas masks. HARRY and the DOCTOR are recovering on the floor. The leader is holding them at gunpoint.) KALED LEADER: They don't look like Thals. I wonder... There have been rumors recently that the Thals were developing robots. Anyway, stick them on the transporter. I shall alert command headquarters with General Ravon. (HARRY, the DOCTOR and the KALED LEADER sit down on the transporter vehicle.) KALED LEADER: Count the ammunition and clean your weapons. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. CORRIDOR. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. COMMAND COMPLEX - HEADQUARTERS. (In the middle of the room is a great relief map of the battleground outside. The dome is represented, as well as the mountains. Small blocks, red and blue, with X or O on it, are figuring the position of the different forces. A man in a black uniform with gallons on his shoulders is moving a red block across the map.) (The DOCTOR and HARRY enter, visibly still shaky because of the gas.) RAVON: Well? KALED LEADER: Two prisoners, sir, captured section 1 01 . RAVON: For interrogation. Good. I enjoy interrogation. DOCTOR: Yes, you look the type. (One of the soldiers hit the DOCTOR from behind and he falls on his knees.) RAVON: You insolent Muto. KALED LEADER: Sir. RAVON: What? KALED LEADER: My section totally destroyed the Thal attackers except for these two. But our supply of ammunition is running low. RAVON: Then conserve it. Ammunition is valuable and cannot be wasted. KALED LEADER: Yes, sir. RAVON: For instance, when I've finished with these two animals, they'll be hanged. Not taken out and shot as in the past. And that will be all. Return to your unit. (They salute and clack their heels. The KALED LEADER exists the room.) RAVON: (In a mocking tone.) So... the Thals have come down to recruiting Mutos, have they? (He waves his gun at the DOCTOR. HARRY is sitting on a bench with his head low.) RAVON: (In an authoritative voice.) Turn out your pockets. DOCTOR: Certainly. (The DOCTOR begins pulling items out of his pockets. He puts them on the relief map. There is the sonic screwdriver, a large magnifying glass, a yellow yoyo...) DOCTOR (OOV.): It might take some time. (The DOCTOR continues to put things on the table. A pair of handcuffs and a sort of orange crystal.) RAVON (OOV.): Take a good look. RAVON: In a few weeks we're gonna change the shape of that map forever. We'll wipe the Thals from the face of Skaro. DOCTOR: (Muttering.) Yes, I've heard that before. RAVON: What? DOCTOR: I was just wondering how you propose to wipe the Thals from the face of Skaro with boy solders, no ammunition and very young generals. RAVON: You've had one warning about your insults. (A machine buzzes in the background.) DOCTOR (OOV.): I do beg your pardon. RAVON: When victory is ours, we'll wipe every trace of the Thals and their city from the face of this land. We will avenge the deaths of all Kaleds who've fallen in the cause of right and justice and build a peace which will be a monument to their sacrifice. Our battle cry will be ''Total extermination of the Thals!'' DOCTOR: That's very impressive. You mean you're going to sweep these wastelands absolutely... (While talking the DOCTOR is pointing at the map with a stick. He then uses it to disarm the General, whose gun lands in HARRY's hands. He quickly gets up and disarms the other soldier in the room.) DOCTOR: Harry. (The DOCTOR retrieves the handcuffs he has put on the table and passes them to HARRY.) DOCTOR: (To RAVON) Did I hurt your fingers? RAVON: You'll never get out of here alive. DOCTOR: Yes, so you said. So you're Kaleds, eh? (The DOCTOR uses his sonic screwdriver to destroy the communication device.) RAVON: Even you Mutos know the difference between Thals and Kaleds. DOCTOR: K-A-L-E-D-S. Why, that's an anagram of... How interesting. (To HARRY.) Are you fit, Harry? HARRY: (Holding his gun at RAVON with a smile.) Never felt fitter, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good. (To RAVON.) Now, Alexander the Great, you're going to lead us out of here. RAVON: Never! DOCTOR: You won't get any medals for being stupid, General. In fact, you won't be getting any more medals for anything. RAVON: Where do you want me to take you? DOCTOR: Back to the wastelands. RAVON: (With disdain and a contemptuous smirk.) Yes, that's home to you Mutos, isn't it? But you won't get that far, I promise you. HARRY: Come on, we're wasting time. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. EXT. IN THE TRENCHES. (SARAH is coming round and put off her gas mask.) SARAH: (Not very loudly.) Doctor? Doctor? Harry? (She coughs. She goes to the door and finds it closed. She picks up a gun but it is out of ammo; she throws it back on the floor with a sigh.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. INT. CORRIDORS. HARRY (OOV.): Where are we? This isn't leading to the surface. RAVON: There's a platform lift at the end. You Mutos must have seen it. HARRY: You're still making the same mistake. We're not Mutos, whatever they may be. RAVON: Only Mutos live in the wastelands. DOCTOR: Come on! (They have arrived in front of the lift. HARRY is still holding RAVON at gunpoint.) HARRY: Sarah's all right? DOCTOR: Yes. RAVON: If you've a friend up there, they won't last much longer. DOCTOR: What do you mean? RAVON: Night's coming on. The Mutos start moving at night. (Two soldiers following a man with round glasses and gallons on his uniform shoulders are approaching in the corridor.) HARRY: (In a whisper, to RAVON. He holds him by the hand and has the gun hidden but pointed at his back.) Just remember, we're your friends. NYDER: General Ravon. RAVON: Nyder. NYDER: I wish to see you. RAVON: If you'll wait in my office, Nyder, I'll be a few minutes. DOCTOR: (To RAVON.) Perhaps you should introduce us, General. RAVON: (Reluctantly.) Security Commander Nyder. NYDER: You're civilians, I see. DOCTOR (OOV.): Yes, but we're not staying long. DOCTOR: Don't let us detain you. NYDER: You won't. (NYDER and the soldiers to carry on in the corridor, but suddenly their stop and they turn back, riffles raised.) NYDER: (Shouting.) Down, Ravon! (The soldiers start shooting in the direction of the lift.) NYDER: (On a small intercom on the wall.) Alert all guards. Two Thal intruders in the command complex. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. CORRIDORS. (More soldiers are coming while an alarm is sounding. The DOCTOR and HARRY are running away.) DOCTOR: This way, Harry. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. IN FRONT OF THE LIFT. RAVON: They took me by surprise. NYDER: Fool. What kind of soldier lets two unarmed prisoners overpower him in his own headquarters? RAVON: There's something different about those two. They're not Thals and they're not Mutos. NYDER: We'll find out what's different about them... by autopsy. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INT. CORRIDORS. (The doors are closing before HARRY and the DOCTOR, trapping them.) HARRY (OOV.): We're trapped. DOCTOR: Yes. (The doors re-opens behind them.) DOCTOR: After you. (They get inside the lift just in time before soldiers start shooting at them.) NYDER: (On the intercom on the wall.) Alert surface patrols to watch for intruders in the area of platform lift 7. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. EXT. (The lift has brought the DOCTOR and HARRY outside. They start running.) HARRY: Now what? DOCTOR: Keep running. HARRY: What? DOCTOR: Keep running! (On the top of the hill appear the silhouettes of Kaled soldiers. They start shooting at the DOCTOR and HARRY who resume running.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. EXT. MINEFIELD. (While running the DOCTOR notices a wire on the floor, linked to a landmine. HARRY is going to step on it.) DOCTOR: Down, Harry! (The two of them get down to the ground and escape the explosion. The DOCTOR helps HARRY to get on his feet.) DOCTOR: Are you all right? HARRY: That was a lucky escape. DOCTOR: I wouldn't say that, Harry. (Several soldiers are standing before them. They are surrounded.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. EXT. SARAH: (Still not very loudly.) Doctor? Harry? Doctor. Harry. (A deformed creature is following SARAH.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. COMMAND COMPLEX - HEADQUARTERS. (NYDER is examining some of the DOCTOR's items left on the table. The DOCTOR and HARRY are pushed back into the room by armed soldiers.) NYDER: This is yours? DOCTOR: Yes. NYDER: What is its function? DOCTOR: Well, it's an etheric beam locator. It's also useful for detecting ion-charged emissions. NYDER: Oh, really. (RAVON is standing behind him, looking not pleased at all.) NYDER: It is not of Thal manufacture. DOCTOR (OOV.): Well, naturally not. DOCTOR: My friend and I are not from your planet. NYDER (OOV.): Aliens? HARRY: Humans. (Looking at the DOCTOR.) Well, I am anyway. NYDER: I've heard Davros say there is no intelligent life on other planets. So either he is wrong or you are lying. DOCTOR (OOV.): We are not lying... NYDER: And Davros is never wrong about anything. DOCTOR: Well, he must be exceptional. Even I am occasionally wrong about some things. Who is this Davros? NYDER: Our greatest scientist. He's in charge of all research at the bunker. RAVON: They could be Mutos, Nyder. Intelligent Mutos who've developed a technology. DOCTOR (OOV.): Tell me... what exactly are Mutos? NYDER: Mutos are the scarred relics of ourselves. Monsters created by the chemical weapons used in the first century of this war. They were banished into the wastelands where they live and... scavenge like animals. DOCTOR: In other words, genetically wounded. NYDER: We must keep the Kaled race pure. Imperfects are rejected. Some of them survive out there. DOCTOR: That's a very harsh policy. HARRY: It's horrible. NYDER: Your views are not important. (To RAVON.) General Ravon, I'll take these two back to the bunker for interrogation by the special unit. RAVON (OOV.): They're the army's prisoners. NYDER: Then you will release them to me. The special unit will get more out of them than your crude methods ever would. RAVON: Very well, if you insist. NYDER: I do insist, General. (NYDER picks up a list and hands it out to RAVON.) NYDER: And I have a list of requirements here. All these items are to be sent to the bunker immediately. RAVON: I can't spare this equipment. These spare parts alone would take more than half my supply. NYDER: You'll notice the requisition is countersigned by Davros himself. If you would like to take the matter up with him... RAVON: I'm expected to fight a war without equipment. Very well, I'll have these things out to the bunker by dawn. NYDER: By midnight, General. The order specifies midnight. RAVON: By midnight. NYDER: Good. (They salute.) NYDER: (To the soldiers.) Bring the prisoners. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. EXT. (The night is falling. SARAH is walking outside and hears something behind her. She starts running. Several Mutos are following her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. EXT. NEAR A RUIN. (SARAH runs up to a ruin. She peeps through a hole in the wall and sees an old and crippled man in a mobile chair. An assistant is setting shooting pictures of soldiers with a circle on them, along one of the walls.) GHARMAN: Ready, Davros. DAVROS: Observe the test closely, my friend. This will be a moment that will live in history. (DAVROS reaches a level on the panel of his chair and pushes it. On one corner of the ruin there is a Dalek.) DAVROS (OOV.): Halt. Turn right. Halt. (The Dalek obeys and turns then halts.) DAVROS: Now... exterminate. (The Dalek destroys all the targets with its weapon.) DAVROS: Perfect. The weaponry is perfect. Now we can begin.

The Doctor and his companions are sent to the planet Skaro by the Time Lords to prevent the creation of the Daleks.

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fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x12_0

[Rebekah's House] (Stefan wakes up in Rebekah's bed. He seems confused and turns himself. Rebekah is sleeping. He slowly gets up and dresses up hurriedly. He opens the door to leave but Klaus' here) Klaus: Leaving so soon? (Rebekah is awake and putting a robe) Rebekah: I don't appreciate you invading my privacy like some kind of creeping Tom Klaus: Well, I apologize for breaking up this sordid little tryst, but I do have some urgent business. Or have you forgotten that our paranoid brother Kol is running around with a white oak stake and homicide on the brain? Rebekah: He tried to kill me last night. I didn't forget Klaus: Yes. Well, unfortunately, he seems to have absconded with my set of daggers Rebekah: Oh, poor Nik. However will you get your way without your precious daggers? They were so handy when you wanted to end a conversation with one of us Klaus: Kol's irrational fear of Silas has pushed him off the edge. We need to put him down before he does any more damage. Now, I know you have the last dagger, and I know you have some white ash, so hand it over Rebekah: Hmm. And leave myself unprotected? You can file that request under "no chance in hell." Be gone by the time I've showered. Lurkers aren't welcome here (She goes to the bathroom) Klaus: I need that dagger, Stefan. Talk some sense into her. Stefan: Why don't you talk some sense into her? I'm headed home to play prison guard to Damon. He's on lockdown ever since Kol compelled him to kill Jeremy last night Klaus: You see? That's my point exactly. If you let Kol run free, then Jeremy won't live to see his junior prom, and we can kiss our map to the cure good-bye. But if you help me dagger Kol, Damon will be uncompelled, Jeremy will live, and we'll all be on our merry way to a human Elena [Gilbert's House] (Elena is cleaning. Matt and Jeremy are playing video games. She's on the phone with Bonnie) Elena: Where are you? Bonnie: I told Caroline I'd take her place at decade dance prep, but none of the rest of you showed Elena: I know. I'm sorry. I had to, though. I've got Jeremy under house arrest because Kol wants to kill him. And Klaus wants to take him on some vampire-slaying road trip. And since neither of them were invited in, it's the only place that I can keep him safe Bonnie: Why does it sound like you're under fire? Elena: Apparently I'm living in a fraternity house now Jeremy: I'm training Matt: Me too Elena: Train yourself to do some dishes. And put these weapons away before someone tries to use one on me Bonnie: Well, it's hard for me to look forward to this dance while you're trapped in your house Elena: Listen, I have a plan to put an end to all of this. I want Jeremy to kill Kol Bonnie: You want him to kill an original? Elena: Think about it. Kol's sire line must stretch to the moon by now. If Jeremy kills Kol, every vampire that he's ever turned, not to mention everyone that they've turned, will die, which means the Hunter's mark will be complete, and we'll have our key to finding the cure Bonnie: I'm on my way. We'll figure it out. Do you think Caroline will notice if there's only 89 red balloons? Elena: Actually, probably yes (She washes her hands but they burn and she lets go of the phone. She takes her phone back) Elena: sorry Bonnie: What happened? Elena: I don't know. There's something in the water [Mystic Falls' High School] (Bonnie is in the hallways and is on the phone) Bonnie: Are you serious? You dumped vervain into the water supply? Where did you even get it? Rudy: I have my sources. I'm also reinstating the curfew and canceling all town events Bonnie: Dad, there's the dance tonight Rudy: Not anymore Bonnie: Are you serious? Rudy: Honey, I'm trying to protect you, not punish you. The well-being of this town is my job now Bonnie: No. Dad, it's mine, and I've been doing fine without you getting involved Rudy: You've been doing fine? Would you like me to read you all the names of the people that have gone missing or died in tragic accidents in your senior year alone? Head straight home, please. We're having a family meeting (They hang up. Kol rushes on Bonnie and strangles her) Kol: No one can get to the cure if you're too dead to find it (He's about to bite her but she uses her powers on his. He kneels and screams. She makes her escape while he's suffering) [Salvatore's House] (Damon is still in the cell. He hears someone coming. It's Stefan) Damon: Gonna snap my neck again? Because I woke up feeling completely unmurderous, and I'm pretty sure that it's safe to set me free (He throws him a vial of blood) Damon: You practically bled me dry. At least spring for a bag or something. I'm thirsty (Stefan puts a bottle of water on the door) Damon: Not exactly what I had in mind (He gets up to take the bottle and sees Klaus) Klaus: Hello mate Damon: What the hell are you doing here? Klaus: babysitting Stefan: Give him a vial of blood every couple of hours so he doesn't desiccate. If he gets too much strength back or if he just annoys you, bleed him out again Damon: Silent treatment uh? He's still pissed at me for sleeping with Elena Klaus: Are you sure about that? Because I caught him trying to sneak out of Rebekah's bed this morning, which would suggest to me that he's moved on Damon: Well, well. Looks like my brother ripped out a page of my revenge s*x handbook Stefan: Well, why don't you two enjoy your little, uh, villain bonding time? I'll let you know when I get the dagger from Rebekah (He leaves) (Stefan is upstairs. His phone rings. It's Elena) Stefan: Damon's fine. With all the creature comforts he deserves Elena: That's not why I called. Kol just tried to kill Bonnie Stefan: What? Is she ok? Elena: Yeah, just shaken up. She managed to hold him off, but Kol seems pretty intent on murdering anyone who's looking for that cure Stefan: Yeah. Klaus has me trying to convince Rebekah to give up her dagger so we can take care of Kol Elena: I don't want to just dagger Kol. I want Jeremy to kill him Stefan: What did you say? Elena: Bonnie says she's got all this crazy new power. She thinks she can hold him long enough for Jeremy to get a clean shot Stefan: And then what, huh? Klaus and Rebekah will kill every single one of us out of spite. They may be dysfunctional, bickering lunatics, but they stick together no matter what Elena: That's why you need to find the dagger and use it on Rebekah. She can't come looking for revenge if she's lying in a box Stefan: I can't do that Elena: I know you can't because vampires can't use the dagger, but Matt can. It's not like she doesn't deserve it. And Bonnie thinks that she can get Klaus out of the picture, too, at least temporarily. Once we get this cure, none of this will matter because we can use it against them Stefan: All right, fine, but how do you plan to lure Kol in? [Middle of Nowhere] (Kol is walking alone and listening to music. His phone rings) Kol: Jeremy Gilbert. Nice to see I'm still on your speed dial, mate. Hey, you want to meet up at the batting cages in Denver? [Gilbert's House] (It's Elena on the phone and not Jeremy) Elena: Actually, it's Elena Gilbert Kol: What a treat. Yeah, I was just thinking of all the clever ways I could have your brother killed, but I'd settle for ripping off his illustrated arm instead Elena: I need to talk to you--in person. I want to call a truce in the name of Silas Kol: You want to talk about Silas? Elena I'll meet you wherever you want. I'll come to you Kol: I'll tell you what. How about I come to you? (The doorbell rings. Matt leaves) Kol: Open the door and invite me in. I'm waiting. Let me in, and let's talk truce. Hello? Elena: Wouldn't it be kind of stupid to invite you in? Kol: On the contrary. I can't kill your brother with my own two hands, or I'll suffer the hunter's curse and spend the next 20 years trying to off myself in gruesome ways. And I've heard that vervain's back in town, so I can't compel you to kill him either. So I think it's fair to say you're semi-safe, for now Jeremy: I'm the only one who can invite him inside Kol: He's right, obviously (She opens the door) Kol: You'd think being alive for over 1,000 years would teach me some manners, but I couldn't resist stopping by Elena: If I let you in, my brother goes. You're not getting near him Kol: Fair enough Jeremy: You can come in (He leaves) Kol: No gold medal for bravery, I see. Another thing I love about the modern age is music anytime you like. So, is the part where you offer me a drink so we can have a proper chat? [Rebekah's House] (Rebekah is looking at clothes. Stefan enters) Rebekah: The colors, the fabric, the eighties were just tragic. You know, I think shoulder pads rival 17th-century Puritan smocks for crimes against fashion Stefan: Looking for something to wear to the dance? Rebekah: Why? Are you asking me to a date? Stefan: Actually, it was canceled Rebekah: So why are you here? Back for more dagger talk? Stefan: Somebody has some trust issues Rebekah: It's called a healthy skepticism. I know you were trying to sneak out this morning. I'm not stupid Stefan: Sorry. I'm still trying to get used to this Rebekah: Do you regret it? Stefan: No Rebekah: Do you want it to happen again? Stefan: Maybe Rebekah: Even if I don't give you the dagger? Stefan: You think that I would sleep with you just to get the dagger? Rebekah: Don't give me that innocent look. You've done plenty to me in the name of getting what you want. Well, I guess I should pack up these racks. Just another failed attempt at getting to a high-school dance Stefan: Why do you care so much about a high school dance? Rebekah: I don't. I was just bored Stefan: Right. Well, we can still go. If you want? Rebekah: Not if it's canceled, we can't Stefan: Since when do you care about the rules? [Salvatore's House] (Klaus is with Damon in his cell) Klaus: You know, none of this would be an issue if you'd have just done your job properly. I was perfectly willing to let you train Jeremy Damon: No, you weren't. Are you kidding? You got there on day two. Do you know how hard it is to get these X-Box brains to focus? Klaus: And then when I turned a room full of barflies into vampires for him to slaughter, you let Kol kill them Damon: Your brother problem, not mine, buddy Klaus: And whose bright idea was it to saddle Jeremy with a conscience, hmm? Damon: Well, we couldn't have him trying to stake Elena in her sleep, now, could we? Klaus: Ah, yes, for the love of Elena. How is it that she manages to overlook every horrific thing you've ever done? Is it willful ignorance or perhaps something more pathological? Damon: Some people are just more capable of forgiveness than others. Bet you score about a negative 500 in that realm Klaus: Come on. There must be a secret. It can't just be the sire bond. What is it? Compulsion? Manipulation? What is it you say to her? Damon: I think this has something to do with a certain blond vampire. I think you murdered Carol Lockwood, and I think you're worried that Caroline's never going to forgive you Klaus: You've done worse Damon: Debatable. See, I don't mind being the bad guy, because somebody has to fill that role and get things done. You do bad things for no reason. You do them to be a dick Klaus: Debatable Damon: If you're gonna be bad, be bad with purpose. Otherwise you're just not worth forgiving [Gilbert's House] (Kol is playing video games. Elena comes back with a bottle) Elena: Sorry, I have to take up the old people alcohol Kol: Yeah, that's the problem with people today. They have no drinking imagination. Turn-of-the-century New Orleans... now, they knew how to make a drink Elena: You lived in New Orleans? Kol: We all did, till Niklaus shoved a dagger in my heart Elena: Why? What did you do? Kol: What makes you think I did anything? Has your alliance with my brother softened you to his horrors? Elena: I don't have an alliance with Klaus; we had a mutual interest in finding the cure. That's all Kol: Had? Elena: Yes. And I'm willing to give up looking for it if you promise to leave my brother alone. Now can you teach me how to make this? I'll get some ice [A Street] (Jeremy is walking alone and leaving a voicemail to Bonnie) Jeremy: Bonnie where are you, I've called, like, 17 times. Kol is in our house. We need you. Ok, I'm headed to your house now [Gilbert's House] Kol: Would you like one? Elena: Sure. Why not? You're really good at that game. Especially considering you've been locked up in a coffin for a hundred years Kol: I'm a quick learner. Speedy reflexes. It's not much like the real thing, though, is it? You have killed, haven't you? Or are you one of those Mary Sue vampires? Elena: I killed...once. I'm guessing your number is a lot higher than mine Kol: You lose track over the years. So are we going to talk about Silas or just jibber jabber? Elena: No one else seems to think Silas exists. So why do you? Kol: I used to run with some witches in Africa in the 14th century, Haiti in the 17th century, New Orleans in the 1900s. They all knew about Silas and that he needed to stay buried. I actually hold witches in high esteem Elena: Yeah, but why Silas? Why are you so afraid of him? Kol: They said if Silas rises, he'll unleash hell on earth. I happen to like earth just the way it is Elena: That's pretty Biblical Kol: Well, that's the other problem with people today. They've lost faith, and in that loss, they no longer know who they should fear [Bennett's House] (Bonnie is in the living room looking for something. Rudy enters) Bonnie: I have to get to Elena. Have you seen my phone? Rudy: I've got your phone, and I've got your car keys. And I told you we are having a family meeting Bonnie: Is that something you read in a book? Because we have never had a family meeting Rudy: I've let this go on long enough. Shane said you and your magic are like a ticking time bomb Bonnie: And I told you he's crazy Rudy: I lost your mother to witchcraft. I don't intend to lose you Bonnie: It's not your life. It's mine (Jeremy pounds on the door. Rudy opens) Jeremy: Hey, is Bonnie here? Rudy: She's busy Jeremy: It's important (Bonnie rejoins them) Bonnie : What's going on? Jeremy: I've called you, like, a hundred times. Kol is in our house Bonnie: I have to go Rudy: I said no Bonnie: Stop telling me what to do! (April arrives) April: No one's going anywhere! Bonnie: Mom? Rudy: Abby, please come in Bonnie: What are you doing here? Abby: Your father called. Who's Professor Shane? What has he been teaching you? Jeremy: Bonnie, we don't have time for this Rudy: This is a family matter Jeremy: My sister's in trouble. We need Bonnie's help April: My daughter is done helping Elena Gilbert. Now get out Bonnie: Mom! April: Answer my question. What lies has this professor been telling you? (Jeremy tries to kill her but Bonnie stop shim) Bonnie: Don't! Jeremy! Hey, stop! Stop. Don't hurt her. She's my mom. Look at me. Just go, Okay? I'm right behind you (He leaves. She looks at her parents) Bonnie: You wanna talk? Let's talk [Gilbert's House] (Kol is looking at o picture of Jeremy and Elena. She rejoins him with a bottle) Elena: So we're out of gin but I think this is a good year Kol: What if I said I don't believe you? Elena: Ok, you got me. I don't know anything about wine Kol: Just seems odd that you being so willing to give up something you want so much Elena: I would do anything for my brother. And if what you're saying about Silas is true, what does it matter what I want if it puts everyone else in danger? Kol: Well, this has been an enlightening. Thanks for the drinks. I'll take your request for truce under advisement Elena: Is there any chance that you can be wrong about Silas? Kol: Trust me, Elena. Some things are better left buried (He leaves) [Mystic Falls High School] (Stefan and Rebekah enter the gym) Rebekah: Think I saw a horror movie that started just like this. Did you know they play movies on TV all night long now? Hundreds of them. So much better than those silly black-and-white picture shows we use to go to (He puts the lights on) Stefan: I don't know. Kind of miss the old ones. I'll let you pick. Nothing cheesy Rebekah: Oh, that leaves out about half the decade Stefan: Hope you like the cure Rebekah: Funny (He puts music on) Rebekah: So is everything about the eighties so... excessive? Stefan: I think, it had its charm. "Say anything"... Lloyd Dobler standing outside of a bedroom window with a boom box over his head desperately trying to get back the girl of his dreams. "Princess Bride"... Wesley slays giant rats for love. "Breakfast Club"...one detention turns a bunch of outcasts into allies Rebekah: So it was a decade of sentimental drivel, as well Stefan: Well, I was gonna say love, friendship, Possibility of anything happening. You would've loved it Rebekah: And why is that? Stefan: Because, as much as we both hate to admit it, we care about those things (He shows her a box) Rebekah: That better not be a corsage. I loathe corsages (He puts something on her dress) Stefan: These were all the rage in the eighties. Let's dance [SCENE_BREAK] [Gilbert's House] (Jeremy enters, aiming his gun. Elena rejoins him) Elena: I'm sorry. He left. I mean, I tried to stall as long as I could (The doorbell rings) Jeremy: That's Bonnie. She was right behind me (She opens the door but it's Kol) Kol: I've considered your request for truce. Request denied (She closes the door) Kol: I'm sorry. I've already been invited in! (He kicks the door but they're not here) Kol: Hide and seek? Fine by me [Bennett's House] Bonnie: Dad needs to mind his own business; he had no right to call you here Abby: It's not just your father, Bonnie. Witches talk. Word gets around Bonnie: I found a new way to practice. It's unconventional, but I can handle myself, I promise Rudy: That's not what Shane said Bonnie: Shane is sitting in a jail cell right now. You're gonna take his word over mine? Abby: I've warned you about dark magic before Bonnie: It's not dark magic. It's expression, and I need it. They found a cure, Mom. There's a cure for vampirism, and I can do the spell to access it. I can save you, but I have to go... now Abby: I'm not the one that needs to be saved. You are [Salvatore's House] (Klaus is still in the cell with Damon) Klaus: Your brother's lack of communication is infuriating Damon: It's one of his trademarks, like his brooding and his hair Klaus: I don't understand what's taking so long. I mean, how hard is it to steal a dagger? Damon: From the vampire who's been stabbed by it as many times as your sister, I'd say difficult Klaus: You disappoint me, Damon. You're not trying very hard to get out of here. I expected more the daring escape artist, less the cell potato Damon: Well, I am compelled to kill Jeremy, so I figured it's probably smarter to sit in there and chitchat with you than try to bust out of here like the Hulk Klaus: How do you think Elena felt about that, by the way? Your inability to overcome Kol's compulsion for a single moment, even though it meant killing the person she loves the most in the world? Damon: She met me. She knows impulse control is not my strong suit Klaus: Still, must be hard trying to live up to Stefan. I remember when I compelled him to feed on Elena, he fought so hard, he actually managed to resist. Now, that's love Damon: What do you know about love? Klaus: I know that you're in love with Elena, but I think you're afraid of what might happen when we find the cure at the end of the rainbow. Personally, I don't see a fairy-tale ending for you? All I see is Stefan and Elena. I think you see the same thing (His cellphone rings. He answers) Klaus: Well, if it isn't the happy homicidal maniac Kol: Do you know that your darling former blood bag and her brother are trying to kill me? Klaus: What? Kol: Don't pretend like you're not in on it. Your obsession to find the cure clearly trumps any sibling loyalty you once felt Klaus: I don't know what you're talking about Kol: I'm going to rip off Jeremy's arm and kill Elena just for sport. Then I'm coming for you (He hangs up. Klaus looks at Damon) Klaus: What the hell is going on? Damon: I don't know Klaus: What are Stefan and Elena planning? Damon: I don't know. I've been stuck in the penalty box with you since yesterday. Stefan won't talk to me, And Elena won't come to see me. So maybe you're right. Maybe she's written me off (Klaus strangles him and compels him) Klaus: Tell me what you know Damon: I don't know anything about a plan Klaus: You stay here till I return (He leaves) Damon: I will stay here until you return... or not [Mystic Falls High School] (Rebekah is alone is the gym. She dances and kicks some balloons. Stefan comes back with a bottle) Stefan: It's amazing which you can find stashed away in the teachers' lounge Rebekah: This song is not as terrible as the other ones Stefan: This song is the Godfather of rock anthems, ok? Rebekah: What's going on with you? You're... fun tonight Stefan: I can't listen to this music without thinking of my best friend Lexi. We spent most of the eighties together. I remember this one time she snuck us backstage and compelled half the band to do tequila shots with us before the show. She was fearless, kind of like you Rebekah: So you slept with her, too? Stefan: No. It wasn't like that. I was just a better person when I was with her. I didn't think I'd ever feel that way again Rebekah: Until Elena Stefan: Until Elena. And now that's over Rebekah: That look right there, that is why I don't let myself care Stefan: Well, you can say that, but we both know it's not true (A balloon explodes and Stefan is surprised) Rebekah: Don't worry. I'll protect you if Kol tracks his way to this abandoned dance. I think I'll choose next song Stefan: No. You know what? I've a better idea. That way Rebekah: Well, you coming? [Gilbert's House] (Kol is running after Elena through the house. They fight. He enters Jeremy's room and Jeremy shoots him but he catches the stake) Kol: You missed (Elena shoots him with a gun nonstop) Elena: Go! (Jeremy leaves but Kol throws a stake in her thigh. He goes after Jeremy, punches him and throws him in the stairs. Elena arrives and jumps on him but he catches her and pushes him against the wall. In stakes her in the guts and looks at Jeremy) Kol: Now, about that arm? [Mystic Falls High School] (Stefan and Rebekah are in the hallways. He slides down the hallway. Rebekah looks at him) Stefan: Like that! Rebekah: This is ridiculous Stefan: Well, that's the whole point of the "Breakfast Club" slide. It's supposed to be ridiculous (She rushes toward him with her vampire speed) Stefan: No. That's... That's cheating Rebekah: What is fun about hurtling down a hallway like a teenage imbecile? Stefan: You're just gonna have to do it to find out (She tries but she can't do it) Stefan: All right. It's the shoes. Take off your shoes, you'll be fine, ok? (She understands and takes the dagger out) Rebekah: This is what you want right? Go ahead. Take it. You're right, I do care. I want stupid koala corsages and a prom. I want to have kids with someone who loves me enough to stand outside my window with a stupid boom box. I want to be human. So let Klaus put down my brother and let's go find the cure Stefan: Come on, let's go [Bennett's House] (Bonnie is unconscious. Abby is making something with herbs) Rudy: You drogued her? Abby: Just enough to keep her down until I can get some witches here to clean her mind from that poison that professor has been teaching her (Bonnie is awake and standing) Bonnie: That's not happening Abby: Bonnie please (Bonnie uses her powers on her. Abby suffers) Bonnie: I don't belong to the spirits anymore. I belong to myself. Sorry (She leaves) [Gilbert's House] (Jeremy is tied in the kitchen. Kol has a meat grinder in his hand) Kol: Now, like I said, I don't fancy the hunter's curse. So I'm just gonna chop off your arm, but don't worry. I'll heal you right up with a bit of blood after. Sorry about the sting. Now, which arm is it? Is it left or right? I'll just chop off both to be safe (Elena arrives and attacks him. She manages to stop him with the meat grinder) Elena: Jeremy, now! (Jeremy kills Kol. Klaus is in the doorway and has seen his brother's death) Klaus: What did you do? Elena: We didn't have a choice. He was trying to cut off Jeremy's arm Klaus: Lies. He never would've gotten inside if you hadn't have set a trap for him Elena: You said you were gonna put him down, too Klaus: I was gonna make him suffer on my terms! I want to burn this house to the ground, and then when you try to flee for your lives, I'll kill you both without blinking Jeremy: You kill us, you'll never get to the cure. You'll never be able to make any more hybrids Klaus: You really think I care for an instant about my bloody hybrids? I want the cure so I can destroy it. I would've killed you all the second we dug it up, but now I'm just gonna watch you burn instead (Then he holds his head and kneels, in pain. Bonnie arrives) Bonnie: Invite him in. Do it Jeremy: Come in (They run, Klaus tries to attack them but he can't touch them) Bonnie: Living room. Go (They go in the living room. He's trapped) Klaus: Witch, you can't do this to me Bonnie: You have no idea what I can do now Klaus: I will hunt all of you to your end! Do you hear me?! Do you?! [Rebekah's House] (Rebekah is crying) Rebekah: I don't believe you. Kol is not dead. He can't be Stefan: Listen, Rebekah. They didn't have a choice. Kol started this when he went after Jeremy. He went after you, too. Do you remember? I mean, he was never gonna let us find the cure Rebekah: So you knew. This whole night, you knew Stefan: I'm not gonna let the people that I care about get hurt. Not Jeremy, not Elena, not even Damon. And you can hate me for it. Now he can't hurt you, either. And I want us to find this cure together, you and me. Not just for Elena, but for you. So you can have what you want. You can be who you want. You can be human again. Everyone deserves a second chance right? Rebekah: Why would I trust you? Stefan: I don't know. I guess I could give you my word, but at the end of the day you'll just have to take a leap [Salvatore's House] (Elena and Bonnie are watching Jeremy) Jeremy: Didn't work Bonnie: It took time for Finn's line to die off. Remember? It'll work Jeremy: What if it doesn't? (Damon enters) Damon: Where's that Gilbert optimism? Sorry I missed all the excitement (Elena embraces him) Elena: I'm just happy to see you Damon: So I guess I didn't miss much (Stefan arrives with Silas' headstone) Stefan: Got the Silas's headstone Elena: We're just waiting for Jeremy's mark to grow. Klaus is trapped in our living room Bonnie: Temporarily. I drew the new moon to bind the spell. Got three days to find that cure, four max Jeremy: If we don't, we might as well look up Katherine Pierce and see if she wants some company in hiding 'cuz he will come after us Elena: We'll find it. Now we've got Rebekah taken care of, all we need is Professor Shane, and we'll have everything we need Stefan: Yeah, I didn't uh...I didn't dagger her Elena: What? Why not? Stefan: I didn't need to, she's on our side Elena: On our side? Did you just say that? Stefan: Yeah. She handed over the headstone; I mean she wants to find this cure more than anyone of us Elena: Why would you possibly think that you could trust her? Damon: Let me guess. She pledged her allegiance to you while you were naked in the sack Stefan: I bet you're just dying to get that out, weren't you Damon? Damon: Oh was this supposed to be secret? Maybe you should make that a little clearer while you're bleeding me dry in our cellar Stefan: Yeah. To keep you from killing Jeremy Elena: Stop it, both of you Stefan: Now why don't you tell her to calm down, Damon? You've managed to use that sire bond pretty well so far, haven't you? (Damon punches him. Jeremy screams and rips his shirt off) Jeremy: It's happening Elena: Oh my god Jeremy: What? You can see it? Damon: Here we go

Stefan wakes up not really sure of where he is until he glances around. It becomes obvious to him that he spent the night with Rebekah. He quietly dresses and plans to leave without her knowing it, but when he opens the door to leave, Klaus is there. Klaus makes an offer to Rebekah to help him stop Kol and protect Jeremy and when she refuses he turns to Stefan for help. Mayor Hopkins' unconventional way of ending the violence sends his daughter further away from him, then she has an angry meeting with Kol followed by an unexpected visitor, Bonnie's mother. Klaus complicates matters between Damon and Stefan by revealing a bit of Stefan's personal life and then surprises Damon by asking for advice. Elena tells Stefan about her dangerous plan for Jeremy which leaves him in a difficult spot. When the 1980s decade dance is cancelled Stefan finds a charming way to make it up to Rebekah. Kol is finally staked by Jeremy at the end of the episode. Later, knowing about Elena's plan to kill his brother, Klaus wants to hurt her and Jeremy. Bonnie arrives and puts a spell on Klaus that will lock him in the Gilbert's living room until the next full moon. Stefan informs the others that he has not stabbed Rebekah and that she is on their side and can be trusted which leaves Elena furious. Finally after Jeremy killed Kol, his tattoo is now completed and everyone is ready to go search for the cure.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x18

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x18_0

THE HIGHLANDERS by ELWYN JONES and GERRY DAVIS first broadcast - 7th January 1967 running time - 24mins 19secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. SHIP (BEN is dropped into the sea. After a few moments, TRASK signals for the rope to be hauled up. However, there is nothing on the other end.) GREY: He's not escaped? (BEN surfaces on the other side of the ship. He pauses for a moment before swimming off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. QUAY (After a while he reaches the quay, and, paying no attention to the covered rowing boat, drags himself back onto dry land, only to be confronted by a patrolling Redcoat.) BEN: Oh no, not after all that. I give up. (The strangely silent soldier reaches for his moustache and silently peels half of it off to reveal a familiar face.) BEN: It's you, Doctor. DOCTOR: (In a gruff London accent.) Who else would be walking around the jetty at this time of night dressed like a soldier who'd been wounded in battle? BEN: Yeah, you've got a point there. But why? DOCTOR: (In his normal voice.) Why? Because I like it here. Besides, it keeps the other soldiers away. BEN: Oh, I'm cold and hungry. DOCTOR: I know just the place. Hold that. I'll just get these things aboard the boat. (He passes BEN a musket and shows him the stash of weapons hidden in the rowing boat.) BEN: The boat? DOCTOR: Just a few wee gifties for our friends aboard the Annabelle. Come on. (He leads BEN away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS (PERKINS puts the signed contracts in front of GREY.) PERKINS: There you are, sir, all signed and attested. It but wants your signature. GREY: Not before time. TRASK: (Offering GREY a glass of wine.) A little wine for your cold heart, lawyer? GREY: I never mix liquor with business. I would advise you to do the same. We sail on the morning tide, remember. TRASK: What happens it's too foggy to sail? What then? GREY: (Sternly.) You sail, fog or no fog. TRASK: And crash the old girl's timbers on Chanonry Point. (He spits and slams his tankard on the table.) GREY: (Mocking.) I took you for a seaman. TRASK: (Boasts.) Why, that I am. I am! Ha, ha, ha. Trask will get your cargo of little booties to Barbados, never fear. That's what really counts, lawyer. Not those dried up bits of parchment of yours. GREY: Without these bits of parchment, we would all sail foul of the King's law. TRASK: Law? What does the law or anyone care for those Highland cattle we carry? GREY: Nothing. But to take these cattle safely to the slave plantations, before their strength is sapped by his Majesty's prisons - that takes skill and preparation. TRASK: And what would happen to you, lawyer, if this trade was to be discovered to the Duke? GREY: That will never happen, Trask. There are but three of us privy to this secret. I can answer for myself and Perkins. Eh, Perkins? PERKINS: Oh, yes sir. Yes sir, indeed you may. GREY: As for you, Captain, you must answer for yourself. TRASK: (Slightly uneasy.) Ha, ha, ha. It was but in jest. You know me, Solicitor, I'm your man. GREY: Aye, and that is the way you will remain, Mr. Trask. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. BARN (BEN is finishing off his meal and is talking to a delighted POLLY and KIRSTY. BEN is covered by a big blanket.) BEN: Ah, that's better. Never thought I'd live to see a meal like that again. POLLY: But listen Ben, how did you manage to get loose? Underwater, I mean? BEN: Well it's the old Houdini trick, duchess. You flex your muscles when they tie you up. Then, when you're ready, you relax them. Well that way you're half the size you were before. Get it? KIRSTY: No. POLLY: And that's all there is to it? BEN: Well almost all. POLLY: I bet. (The DOCTOR appears, now dressed in his own normal frock-coat outfit and hat.) POLLY: (To the DOCTOR.) Hey you've got your own clothes back. DOCTOR: (Perturbed.) Yes. Can you imagine, I found them thrown out on the rubbish dump, behind the inn. BEN: Amazing, isn't it? Well mine should be dry by now. (BEN turns away into one of the dens to get changed.) POLLY: I liked you better in your dress, Doctor. KIRSTY: Aye, you made a good granny. DOCTOR: Now then, do we all know what we have to do? Ben? (BEN appears in his now dry clothes.) BEN: Yeah, I take you out to the ship in the rowing boat, then double round the back smartish (Smiles.) while they're sorting you out, and then pass the weapons through the porthole. POLLY: (Standing up, adamant.) While Kirsty and I just sit here and wait for you to get back - if you ever do. No fear! KIRSTY: We've done enough waiting. DOCTOR: But it may be dangerous. They may not swallow my story. BEN: Yeah, and they may see me in the boat, even with this on. (BEN shows off his dark clothing. He is also wearing a sort of sailing hat.) DOCTOR: (Approving.) I would like a hat like that. POLLY: Nevertheless, we're not going to let you two out of our sights, are we Kirsty? KIRSTY: (Nods.) Umm. POLLY: Well, you'll get into such terrible trouble without us. (The DOCTOR, smiling, gives up and another plan appears in his head.) DOCTOR: Very well, you shall come in the rowing boat. It might be a good idea at that. BEN: Well, what do you want me to do now? DOCTOR: I've got another idea for you Ben. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. HOLD (On board the "Annabelle", WILLY and the other main Highlanders sit dejected on the board.) WILLY: (Despairing.) I can hardly believe it, they've played right into Solicitor Grey's hands. My own crew amongst them. COLIN: Can you blame them? It's a poor choice between the gallows and the plantations. A man will clutch at any straw to save his skin. JAMIE: And what will they do with us? COLIN: I fear they will make an example of us, once Trask gets away to sea. WILLY: He'll not let me live, that's for sure. Ah well, better a fast death than a lingering one under the overseers. I've no regrets. COLIN: (Sighing.) If I could see my Kirsty again I'd die content. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS (PERKINS is receiving instructions from GREY about collecting the gold from the sale of the prisoners.) GREY: Three thousand five hundred guineas. You will collect this amount in gold on delivery of the prisoners and render strict accounting to me. Is that clear? PERKINS: Yes, sir, Mr. Grey, sir. Quite clear, sir. You may trust me to the death, sir. GREY: Now I must return to shore. I shall expect to see you in London at the end of October. Meanwhile, keep a close eye on Trask. He's not... (Suddenly TRASK bursts into the room surprising GREY and PERKINS.) GUARD: (OOV.) Right lads, bring him down. (There is a general commotion, with characters talking over one another, as the DOCTOR enters, held by two soldiers.) TRASK: Us has got company, Mr. Solicitor. Caught him coming over the side, bold as a welsh pirate. DOCTOR: (Again adapting a "German" accent.) And of my own free will. I'm delighted to meet you again, Mr. Solicitor Grey. GREY: (Firmly.) You may not be so delighted when we part company this time, Doctor. DOCTOR: If you'd ask these fellows to let go of my arms, I have a small token for you. GREY: Indeed, I have not forgotten the last one. All right, let him go. (The guards let go of the DOCTOR.) TRASK: Let me have him. I'll soon change his tune. GREY: Silence! (To PERKINS, who is watching the whole thing.) Perkins, the door. PERKINS: (Wanting to stay.) Please? GREY: Well, go on. DOCTOR: (Starting to search his pockets.) Now then, let me see, where did I put it. No, it's not in there. I transferred it from there, into this pocket. Well it's not there now, perhaps it's in here. TRASK: Why, you! (TRASK, believing he is stalling, chokes him with his whip.) GREY: I would advise you to find this token quickly, before I leave you to the tender mercies of Mr. Trask. (He hands GREY the ring.) DOCTOR: Got it! Here we are. Look at the seal. GREY: (Examining the ring.) The Stuart arms. DOCTOR: Well, Mr. Grey? GREY: Where did you get this? DOCTOR: From the hand of Prince Charles himself. GREY: (Shocked.) Where, man, where? DOCTOR: In prison. GREY: I don't follow. DOCTOR: It's perfectly easy. Prince Charles disguised himself as a Highlander and was taken prisoner with the rest of the rebels. GREY: And where is he now? DOCTOR: I, ah, wonder what that information would be worth? Now let me see. TRASK: I'll burn it out of him. (TRASK moves forward but GREY holds him back.) GREY: No! How much do you think it to be worth, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, umm, shall we say, umm, ten thousand guineas? [SCENE_BREAK] 7. HOLD (POLLY and KIRSTY steer themselves alongside the Annabelle. Securing the boat, KIRSTY leans up to a porthole.) KIRSTY: Father. Father. (COLIN is still half asleep.) COLIN: Hmm? KIRSTY: (Louder.) Father. COLIN: Aye, my child. KIRSTY: Father, listen to me. (COLIN thinks that he is dreaming about KIRSTY.) COLIN: I hear ye, Kirsty. KIRSTY: Father, it's me. It's Kirsty. I'm here. (COLIN wakes up.) COLIN: (Disappointed.) Aye. Ah, I must be dreaming. Kirsty. (He is surprised to hear KIRSTY's voice again.) KIRSTY: Whist, keep your voice down. COLIN: (Delighted.) Where are you? KIRSTY: I'm outside here, in a boat. (COLIN goes over to the porthole to talk to her.) COLIN: Well child, are you well? They haven't harmed you? KIRSTY: Father, I'm fine. And you? COLIN: Better. A world better for hearing your voice. But you cannot stay there. They'll find you! KIRSTY: Here then, take this. (KIRSTY and POLLY start to pass COLIN the weapons.) COLIN: It's a miracle. I must be in a dream. KIRSTY: Father, there's no time to talk. We've got arms for all of you and a plan. Can you come closer? Right, now listen. (COLIN draws closer.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CAPTAIN QUARTERS (GREY is agreeing to a price for the DOCTOR's information.) GREY: You drive a hard bargain, Doctor, but no matter. I agree. Now, where is he? DOCTOR: The very last place you would think of looking for him. GREY: Well? DOCTOR: Right here on this ship. TRASK: Let me have him! (TRASK grabs the DOCTOR's arm.) GREY: A dangerous jest! DOCTOR: Did you mark the young Highlander who was with me? The piper? GREY: Piper? DOCTOR: With the soft hands and face? GREY: No. DOCTOR: Did you notice his hair? Unmistakable, that was the Prince! GREY: You had better be very sure. DOCTOR: Would I come and place myself in your hands if I was not very sure? TRASK: We'll smell out the Pretender right now, by heaven. (GREY stands up.) GREY: (To TRASK.) Come along then, take him. (The guards grab the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Aren't you forgetting one thing? GREY: What? DOCTOR: I'm the only one who knows what he looks like. GREY: Bring him along then. Make haste. (TRASK drags the DOCTOR along.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. HOLD (The DOCTOR, TRASK, GREY, and two guards open the upper door to the hold, watched by one of the "sleeping" Highlanders.) WATCHING HIGHLANDER: (To others.) Go to sleep. (The visitors climb down and soon all five of them are in the hold.) TRASK: In here Doctor. GREY: Quiet. If they have any suspicion of whom we're looking and know him to be here... (Using a lamp, they search for the right face.) TRASK: Argh. Come on, Doctor. Him? Him? DOCTOR: No. TRASK: What about him? DOCTOR: No. Perhaps he is further over. GREY: (Warningly to the DOCTOR.) If you have made a mistake. (The group slowly moves towards the sleeping JAMIE.) DOCTOR: (Pointing at JAMIE.) I've found him. He's the little one, over there. JAMIE: Creag an tuire! (The Highlanders rise up, brandishing their weapons. TRASK quickly draws his sword to protect himself. The fighting is savage.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. SHIP (The Highlanders soon force their way onto the main deck. There is lots of fighting and shouting. It is dark and fog is starting to roll in.) JAMIE: (Crying out as he dispatches a guard.) Creag an tuire! (WILLY finds himself facing TRASK.) WILLY: Now I shall relieve you of your command! TRASK: Not yet, Willy MacKay! (WILLY and TRASK start to fight, but are soon parted by some of the other battles.) TRASK: (Shouting to his loyal crew-members.) Right lads, to me! Throw these scurvy swarbs over the side! I'm still master here! (Behind him, BEN appears.) BEN: Not for long, mate. (TRASK whirls about to face BEN with fury and a little bit of astonishment.) TRASK: You! I'll make sure of you this time, lad. (There is more fighting and shouting as TRASK advances on BEN. JAMIE comes to BEN's aid. And after dispensing with TRASK's sword, JAMIE wrestles with the man and bundles him over the side. WILLY comes up to JAMIE ready to fight TRASK again.) WILLY: Where's Trask? JAMIE: In the firth. WILLY: (Slaps JAMIE on the shoulder.) Good lad. (He turns and shouts across the boat.) WILLY: Hold! Come back! Hold! All of ye. I want men. (Some Highlanders push some of the surviving crew towards WILLY.) WILLY: Get them over here. That's right, we sail for France on the next tide. I want willing hands. (The crew looks happy and nods.) WILLY: If you hadn't volunteered you'd have had a long cold swim for it. (The crew and everybody laughs.) WILLY: Right now, make ready. Off with ye, go on! Up to the top. Off with ye! (The DOCTOR appears leading some of the ill prisoners out into the night sky. One of these is COLIN. Meanwhile POLLY and KIRSTY climb on board.) DOCTOR: Ben, well... well done. Well done. Here Kirsty... here's your father. There we are. Polly... KIRSTY: Father! (KIRSTY hugs COLIN.) DOCTOR: (With an apologetic look at BEN.) Got lost in the fog. (POLLY hugs BEN very tight.) POLLY: Well done, well done. BEN: Oh, don't overdo it Pol. POLLY: But we've won! DOCTOR: Only for the moment. POLLY: What do you mean? BEN: Well, the real jobs only just beginning. Getting back to the TARDIS with only a rough idea of where it is and the whole English army out to stop us. POLLY: What are we going to do? BEN: Well, we're going to get ashore before they get under way. That's the first thing, right, Doctor? DOCTOR: Right. (WILLY is now standing on the "Bridge" part of the boat. The DOCTOR comes up to him.) WILLY: Stand by the capstan. DOCTOR: We have to go ashore now. WILLY: Oh, don't bother me now, man. (To a crew-member.) Stand by. (COLIN comes up to the DOCTOR to discuss what they are going to next.) COLIN: What about the prisoners? DOCTOR: We'll take Mr. Grey ashore as a hostage. COLIN: And the clerk? DOCTOR: Well I... (PERKINS hears his name and comes up to COLIN.) PERKINS: Now, may I have converse with you. COLIN: Yeah, man, yeah. PERKINS: (Grovelling.) Don't send me ashore with that man, sir. (He points to GREY.) PERKINS: Now, if you are going to France, then maybe you can do with a secretary. Especially one who is conversant with the French tongue. COLIN: Eh. Shifting with the wind, you rogue. Well, Doctor, what do you say? DOCTOR: Many of your people speak French? COLIN: Aye, but little. DOCTOR: Then take him with you. He'll stay loyal enough. PERKINS: (Overjoyed.) Oh, I will. I will, sir. DOCTOR: Till the wind shifts again! Laird, we must go. COLIN: Doctor, I... (The DOCTOR calls the guards holding GREY over.) DOCTOR: Bring the prisoner over! (GREY comes over.) PERKINS: Mr. Solicitor! (GREY looks down with his usual attitude to him.) GREY: Well, Perkins? (PERKINS spits on him.) PERKINS: I've been wanting to do that for a long time. You've no idea the pleasure that gave me. (GREY is furious.) GREY: Why you... PERKINS: To the last, sir. (PERKINS turns away and joins some sailors pulling the anchor up. The DOCTOR, POLLY, BEN and GREY are put into a boat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. QUAY (Soon, huddled on the quay, BEN and POLLY stare across the foggy firth.) POLLY: I can't even see the ship. BEN: No, they said they'd send us a signal before they went. Hey look, there it is! (A light from a lantern waves from the boat as it disappears into the fog. The DOCTOR appears beside them carrying a bound GREY.) POLLY: Do you think they'll beat the English blockade? DOCTOR: The fog will help them. More than it will help us. POLLY: We never even said goodbye to Jamie. BEN: No, he just disappeared. I wonder where he went to. (Suddenly a familiar figure appears from behind them. Everybody is shocked but happy.) JAMIE: Right here. BEN: Oh, Jamie! POLLY: Jamie. JAMIE: Aye, himself. BEN: Well, why didn't you go with the others? JAMIE: Well, let's say I fancied my chances here better. Besides, you'll need someone to guide you through the glens, won't you? BEN: How did you know? DOCTOR: Glad to have you with us, Jamie. POLLY: But won't you be in danger here though? JAMIE: Och, if they can survive here, then so can I. (BEN sees an approaching patrol.) BEN: Hey, watch it! Quick, through these doors. (He ushers them quickly into the closest building and the guards go by.) POLLY: (Whispering.) They're going away, it's all right. (GREY seizes his chance.) GREY: Help! (JAMIE grabs his dirk and points it at the solicitor.) JAMIE: One more move and you're a dead man. (The DOCTOR sees the guards starting to come back.) DOCTOR: They heard. POLLY: But what if they find us? DOCTOR: Shh. (As the soldiers enter, GREY tries to make muffled shouts. The DOCTOR and his friends manage to knock out the guards, but POLLY fails to stop GREY escaping as he slips out of POLLY's grasp and goes through an open window.) POLLY: Doctor! Ahh! JAMIE: (Looking at the unconscious guards.) I'm certainly glad I'm on your side. DOCTOR: (Noticing that GREY has gone.) Grey! POLLY: The window. (BEN tries to follow GREY but the DOCTOR holds him back.) DOCTOR: No. No, Ben. It's too late. BEN: But he was our hostage. They'll never let us get to the TARDIS now! DOCTOR: We'll find someone else, eh Polly? (POLLY smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INN (Outside the local inn, Lieutenant Ffinch takes in the night air while enjoying a relaxing smoke.) ALGERNON: What the...? (BEN and the DOCTOR surprise him from behind. BEN is holding a gun to ALGERNON's chest.) BEN: We want your company, mate. DOCTOR: If you don't mind. (ALGERNON turns and sees JAMIE and POLLY.) POLLY: (Coos.) You won't refuse us, Algy dear. ALGERNON: Oh, this is really too much. POLLY: This way. (Suddenly a pompous-looking figure emerges from the tavern. The COLONEL turns to ALGERNON as he is walking off with the others.) COLONEL: Damn it, man. Where the devil do you think you're going? ALGERNON: Colonel! COLONEL: Well, have you forgotten it's your deal, Ffinch? ALGERNON: Yes, Sir, I know. But, ah, I was just... COLONEL: (Glaring at the DOCTOR and company.) Well, who are these vagabonds? ALGERNON: Well, Colonel they're... (The DOCTOR puts on his "German" accent again for the COLONEL.) DOCTOR: Doctor von Wer at your service. Remedies for the ague, the twitch, the colic, the warts and the gout. COLONEL: The gout? I haven't got the gout. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't waste your time with that, a fine healthy gentleman like yourself. No it's... it's this ring you see, sir. (The DOCTOR shows the COLONEL the Pretender's ring. The COLONEL's eyes widen at the sight of the ring.) ALGERNON: Perhaps we'd better get back to the game, sir. The night air. COLONEL: Oh, blast the night air! Let me see. The... the Pretender's ring! (To the DOCTOR.) Where did you get this, man? DOCTOR: Well, you go up there and to the left. No perhaps it's better to explain this way. To the right... COLONEL: Look what are you talking about? (The DOCTOR tries to point down the road.) DOCTOR: No. On second thought, perhaps the other way. Umm, we were taking the Lieutenant, you see sir? ALGERNON: The game, sir. (The COLONEL now has more important things on his mind.) COLONEL: Confound the game, this is the Prince's ring! Go with them. Take an attachment. (This doesn't fit in with the DOCTOR's plan.) DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, sir. COLONEL: What? DOCTOR: Oh, ah, that might frighten the blackguard, sir. We are enough to apprehend him. COLONEL: Then go on. Lieutenant you have your orders, what are you waiting for? ALGERNON: (Sighing.) Yes, sir. But, this wench... (Giving up.) Yes, sir. Very good, sir. COLONEL: And when you have them... DOCTOR: (Finishing the sentence.) ...we will bring him back to you, sir. Right? COLONEL: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. COTTAGE (POLLY, BEN, JAMIE, ALGERNON and the DOCTOR are standing outside the cottage. POLLY has been telling ALGERNON about what GREY has been up to.) JAMIE: You know where you are now? BEN: Yeah, I won't forget this place in a hurry. DOCTOR: Well, it's time we said goodbye, Lieutenant. And thank you. (POLLY turns to the DOCTOR.) POLLY: I've been telling him all about Mr. Grey's activities. BEN: Yeah, you want to nab him quick. (POLLY returns ALGERNON's identity disc.) POLLY: Oh Algy, here you are and thank you very much. ALGERNON: (Proud.) It was nothing. (Suddenly more people appear from the fog - the SERGEANT, along with GREY and some guards.) GREY: (Triumphant.) Ah, so you found these rebels, Lieutenant? Well done. ALGERNON: No! GREY: (To ALGERNON and SERGEANT in a commanding tone of voice.) You can escort them with me to Inverness. (To the DOCTOR.) You will not escape the gallows this time, Doctor. (To JAMIE.) Any of you. As for you, wench, I'll have you tied to the tail of a cart and whipped from one end of... (ALGERNON has heard enough.) ALGERNON: (Angry.) Silence! GREY: (Surprised.) What was that you said? ALGERNON: I've heard the whole story of your schemes from this young lady here. GREY: (Glaring at POLLY.) You take the word of this... DOCTOR: (Adapting his "German" voice again.) What wicked times we live in, Lieutenant. A prison commissioner using his office to smuggle rebels out of the country. GREY: You're wasting your breath, Doctor. It was all perfectly legal. The rebels signed the contracts for transportation of their own free will. DOCTOR: Contracts? I don't believe I saw any contracts. Did you Ben? BEN: No, I wouldn't know what they were. DOCTOR: Or you Jamie? JAMIE: Me? No. GREY: A lie, Lieutenant. The contracts were signed, I have them right here in my... in my... (He searches his pockets but can't find them. The DOCTOR tuts.) DOCTOR: So sad. Once a promising legal talent. ALGERNON: (Furious.) There is only one end for slave traders, Solicitor. I'm placing you under arrest. (POLLY smiles.) GREY: (Furious too.) I warn you, Lieutenant... ALGERNON: (In a commanding voice.) I've had enough of your warnings, sir. Gag him Sergeant. Take him to prison under escort. SERGEANT: Sir! (The SERGEANT produces a handkerchief as two guards grab GREY.) GREY: No wait! This is some sort of trick, you fool. If the Colonel hears of this you'll be lucky to end up as a band master. ALGERNON: Take him away, Sergeant. SERGEANT: (To GREY.) Come on, you traitorous dog. GREY: Fool. (GREY continues to protest as he is dragged away.) SERGEANT: You men follow me. (Soon ALGERNON is left with the DOCTOR's party.) ALGERNON: Well goodbye, Doctor. DOCTOR: Goodbye. BEN: Goodbye. (ALGERNON turns to leave.) POLLY: Wait. Algy, why did you do it? ALGERNON: A chance to put paid to a villain, ma'am. POLLY: It wasn't just that, was it? ALGERNON: Not quite, ma'am. (It is clear that ALGERNON has had enough of GREY.) POLLY: Thank you, Algy. (She gives him a kiss.) POLLY: Goodbye. ALGERNON: Well, I wouldn't linger here if I were you. These moors, you know, they're still scouring them for rebels. DOCTOR: Goodbye. ALGERNON: Goodbye. BEN: Ta-ta. (ALGERNON walks off.) JAMIE: One thing I don't understand - where those contracts went? DOCTOR: I've no idea. (The DOCTOR nonchalantly pulls them out of his pocket. He stares at them innocently.) DOCTOR: Well, how did they get there? BEN: (Laughing.) You old fraud. Come on. We must go. POLLY: What about Jamie? We can't leave him here. DOCTOR: True. His ship's sailed. POLLY: (To JAMIE.) What will you do? JAMIE: Oh, I'll be all right. They won't catch me. (Musket shots can be heard in the distance.) BEN: Did you hear that! They'll catch us all if we don't move fast. POLLY: Doctor, can we take him with us? DOCTOR: If he teaches me to play the bagpipes. JAMIE: If you want, Doctor. BEN: That's all we need. Come on. POLLY: Come on, Jamie. JAMIE: (Puzzled.) But where are we going? POLLY: You'll see. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. CLEARING (The DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY and JAMIE crew arrive back at the clearing. The DOCTOR unlocks the TARDIS and enters. JAMIE holds back for a moment, but after a reassuring look from POLLY enters the strange blue Police Box. POLLY and BEN enter behind him and the doors close behind them. The light on top of the police box begins to flash. The TARDIS dematerialises, carrying one more passenger than when it arrived.)

Ben manages to join up with the Doctor, Polly and Kirsty and together they work to free the Highlanders from Trask's ship before Grey sells them into slavery.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x25

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x25_0

The Seeds of Death By Brian Hayles and Terrance Dicks 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: ROCKET ZOE: At our present rate of drift and allowing for the usual gravitational influences, we'll be drawn into the heart of the sun in approximately five months and ten days. JAMIE: No need to worry about that then. ZOE: What do you mean? JAMIE: We've only got enough food and water for three days remember? [SCENE_BREAK] 2, MODEL SHOT: SPACE (The Ion-Jet-Rocket drifts on steadily towards the moon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: ROCKET DOCTOR: Just a minute, I think I'm getting something! PHIPPS OOV: Hello Earth-Control, this is Moonbase. Emergency-emergency, Can you hear me? DOCTOR: Hello... Moonbase! Can you hear me? [SCENE_BREAK] 4, INT: SOLAR-ENERGY STORE-ROOM (Phipps looks rather astonished that his signal has been received, with renewed determination he answers the Doctor's voice.) PHIPPS: Yes, yes I can hear you load and clear. What part of Earth are you speaking from? DOCTOR OOV: Oh, we're not on the Earth. We're in a rocket orbiting the moon. PHIPPS: A rocket, but...but that's impossible! [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: ROCKET DOCTOR: Well I can assure you it's not impossible. What is your emergency, what's been happening on Moonbase? PHIPPS OOV: We've been invaded. Aliens have taken over. (The Doctor suddenly listens attentively.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: MOON-CONTROL (Kelly hands a small metal grille to a technician who moves to replace it beneath the console.) KELLY: Put that cover back on. Right Let's test it now. FEWSHAM: Do you really think it will work? KELLY: No reason why not. We've replaced the overloaded circuits - it should be alright. Turn on the power. (A technician fumbles with the controls Miss Kelly's patience wears thin with a small tut.) KELLY: Hold it... (She moves over to the control herself.) KELLY: Try again. We'll T-Mat back to Earth and report to Commander Radnor. (The party prepares to move out.) SLAAR: Stop! You will remain here. (An Ice-Warrior appears at the left door to main control.) FEWSHAM: Don't move, do exactly as they say! (A round technician makes a break for the right door, but another warrior appears and it's gun flashes. The torpidly ambling technician falls dead in a haze of wibbling soundwaves. The second picks raises a heavy wrench and attacks one of the Warriors, and in seconds joins his colleague, the tool falling to the floor with a resounding clatter. Flanked by two warriors, Slaar regards Fewsham and particularly Kelly.) SLAAR: You will remain here. [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: EARTH-CONTROL RADNOR: Brent, has contact be re-established with Moonbase yet? BRENT: No sir. As soon as Miss Kelly's transmitted the emergency link switched off again. ELDRED: And you've no idea what's happened? BRENT: Oh I'm sure that Miss Kelly will sort things out alright. RADNOR: I wish I had your optimism. [SCENE_BREAK] 8, MODEL SHOT: SPACE (The Ion-Jet-Rocket continues towards the moon which is now looming large.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: ROCKET DOCTOR: How much longer Zoe? ZOE: Oh, well our orbit will bring us back into his range in approximately forty-three seconds. DOCTOR: Let's hope he can still transmit ZOE: Well his signal was quite strong when we were orbiting his side of the moon, there's not reason for it to fade. DOCTOR: It's not his equipment I'm worried about, it's his survival! ZOE: Doctor, these aliens he described... DOCTOR: How much did you hear? ZOE: Bipeds, reptilian... Armed with some kind of sonic device. JAMIE: Yes, Ice-Warriors! ZOE: What? DOCTOR: Yes, yes... Jamie and I have met them before. They come from the planet Mars. ZOE: Well what do they want? DOCTOR: Well, Mars is a dying planet, I imagine they're trying to find a new home. ZOE: Why the Moon? DOCTOR: Oh I think that that's just a stepping stone. ZOE: What did you they were...Ice-Warriors? JAMIE: Yes. DOCTOR: Yes, well Mars as you know is a cold planet; well they've adapted to that - it's heat they can't stand. ZOE: We should just about be coming into range... Now. (Zoe replaces her headphones.) DOCTOR: Hello Moonbase, hello Moonbase... Can you read me? PHIPPS OOV: Yes, I read you loud and clear. DOCTOR: Oh thank heavens for that! Now listen, we need your help to make a landing. PHIPPS OOV: But you mustn't land, you must warn Earth about what's happened here! DOCTOR: But we can't do that, we've lost radio contact with the Earth. PHIPPS OOV: Well then go back and warn them! DOCTOR: Well we can't do that either, we haven't got enough fuel. We need to get to the fuel dump on the moon. PHIPPS OOV: But they'll kill you! DOCTOR: Mnn, well we'll just have to take that risk. Now, where are you Mr erm...what..what? PHIPPS OOV: Phipps. I'm in the Solar Energy Store. Now...now, what do you want me to do? ZOE: Doctor, if we could adapt our homing equipment to his radio signal, we could beam in on that! DOCTOR: Did you hear that? We want you to keep your transmitter going. PHIPPS OOV: Alright I'll try, but I've no idea how long this transmitter can last... [SCENE_BREAK] 10, MODEL SHOT: SPACE (The Ion-Jet-Rocket orbits the moon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: ROCKET DOCTOR: There, I think that's done it. Now then, let's see if we can pick up his signal. (A regular chirruping of the signal beacon is heard.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, there we are! Now Zoe, what about the approach trajectory? ZOE: Yes, here. (She hands him a piece of printout.) DOCTOR: Ah good. Oh yes - Hah! Yes, I don't think I could have done better myself. ZOE: We need to fire the retro-rockets in seventeen point-five seconds. DOCTOR: What?! W-well landing positions everyone. [SCENE_BREAK] 12, MODEL SHOT: SPACE (The Ion-Jet-Rocket vectors in on the moon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: ROCKET ZOE: Two seconds...one... Now! (The Doctor flicks a lever marked "RETRO ROCKETS" and a loud blast is heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14, MODEL SHOT: SPACE (The rocket adjusts along its entire length positioning its boosters towards the moon for retro descent.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: ROCKET ZOE: Let's hope there's enough fuel left to cushion down on. JAMIE: Aye, let's hope that radio beam thing doesn't conk out before we get there. DOCTOR: Don't worry Jamie, I'm sure we're going to be alright. [SCENE_BREAK] 16, INT: SOLAR-ENERGY STORE-ROOM (The an illuminated glass tubular diode on the communications apparatus glows blazingly bright as he uses the lash up again.) PHIPPS: Hello Moon-Rocket, can you hear me? DOCTOR OOV: Hello Moonbase, yes we can. We are coming in on your signal now - whatever you do, keep transmitting. (Suddenly the glass diode, having reached a critical brightness fizzles and fades into darkness, burnt out from sudden overuse as the homing beam was.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17, INT: ROCKET DOCTOR: The signal! It's stopped! ZOE: Oh can't you get back...us back into orbit? DOCTOR: No! No, I shall have to get us down as best I can. ZOE: But if we crash into a mountain range we'll be smashed to pieces! [SCENE_BREAK] 18, INT: SOLAR-ENERGY STORE-ROOM (Shot with panic, Phipps struggles to screw in a replacement diode, which fortunately glows brightly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19, INT: ROCKET (The chirruping signal starts up again.) ZOE: It's working again! DOCTOR: Uh? ZOE: Doctor, can you lock back onto it? DOCTOR: Well I'll try. Yes, yes there it is. (He breathes a huge sigh of relief.) DOCTOR: Oh my word! I think we're gonna be alright! [SCENE_BREAK] 20, MODEL SHOT: SPACE (The rocket descends vertically towards a waiting Moonbase rocket bay on the lunar surface with a trail of smoke belching from it's boosters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21, STOCK FOOTAGE: SPACE MODULE (Space module jettisoning part of itself is played backwards to simulate a rocket coming in to land in a silo.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22, INT: ROCKET (There is an almighty jolt as the rocket touches down and the crew are thrown about.) DOCTOR: Oh! Oh...Oh! (The rocket travellers cautiously collect themselves.) DOCTOR: Yes, well I'm...I'm sorry about the landing. Is everyone alright? JAMIE: Aye, well we're down that's that main thing. DOCTOR: Yes. ZOE: Oh now what do we do? DOCTOR: Well, the first we must do is to refuel. You can see to that Zoe, can't you? ZOE: Well yes, but what are you going to do? DOCTOR: Well I'm going to go and search for Mr Phipps. ZOE: But what about the Ice-Warriors? DOCTOR: Oh well, I've met them before. ZOE: Oh but Doctor, you can't just go... DOCTOR: Well I've got to rescue Mr Phipps, now haven't I? Now where did I put that map of our... (He searches the pockets of his frock coat and pulls out and unfolds a large map.) DOCTOR: Ah, hang on a minute... Here we are. Now then the Solar-Power Room is... Here we are. Oh yes...oh yes, that seems to be quite a simple route. JAMIE: Right, I'll come with you. DOCTOR: No! ...You'll stay here and look after Zoe. JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: Now don't worry, you're going to be quite alright. JAMIE: Ah. (The Doctor disappears out of the hatchway into the silo.) DOCTOR: Good luck. ZOE: And to you. JAMIE: And to you. (He turns to Zoe.) JAMIE: Well...how do we refuel? ZOE: Oh, well that's simple. It'll connect automatically from, er, here. (She taps a dial.) JAMIE: Uh-huh. ZOE: Now you watch that dial, and when it reads full you switch it off. (She clicks the switch to demonstrate.) JAMIE: Ah. ZOE: Now do you think you can remember that? (Jamie shoots her a look.) JAMIE: Course I can! ZOE: Good, I want to have a look at the rocket motors. JAMIE: Why, what's the matter? ZOE: Well I didn't much like the way we landed. It could have caused some damage. (She opens a hatch in the floor of the command module and climbs down a service ladder into the bowels of the rocket.) JAMIE: Well I, I-I know it was a bit rough, but surely it wasn't as bad as all that? (Her voice echoes up.) ZOE OOV: Well it's not the landing that matters now, it's the take-off. [SCENE_BREAK] 23, INT: MOON-CONTROL (While Slaar watches from a distance, Fewsham is flicking switches on his board in front of him: NEW YORK ATHENS MOSCOW IZMIR TORONTO ROME CALCUTTA OTTAWA BOMBAY TOKYO STOCKHOLM LONDON WASHINGTON CANBERRA The city names illuminate as he checks them off one by one.) FEWSHAM: Tokyo... London... Canberra. That's the lot, the whole system's completely operational again. SLAAR: We can now send to any city in the world? FEWSHAM: Yes, anywhere there's a T-Mat centre. KELLY: Fewsham do you realise what you're doing? FEWSHAM: I'm trying to save our lives! KELLY: And what about the people on Earth? FEWSHAM: We're in no position to argue! KELLY: Why do you want control of T-Mat? (Slaar regards her, his breath hissing icily but remains stoically silent.) KELLY: If you're going to invade the Earth you'll be fighting the armed forces of the entire world. You'll never succeed, there'll be too much resistance! SLAAR: There will be no resistance FEWSHAM: What about us? What'll happen to us? SLAAR: You will remain alive as long as you are useful. KELLY: You'll never get any help from me! SLAAR: When the time comes you will do exactly what you are told - or die! [SCENE_BREAK] 24, INT: MOONBASE CORRIDOR (The Doctor skulks cautiously down a corridor looking around, but it is deserted. He turns a corner.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25, INT: SOLAR-ENERGY STORE-ROOM (The Doctor approaches a metal door and quietly knocks, then lets himself in closing the door behind him.) DOCTOR: Hello? (Phipps jumps out with the standard large metal wrench raised.) PHIPPS: Who are you?! DOCTOR: Oh! Oh...Mr Phipps I presume? PHIPPS: Yes, but where'd you come from? DOCTOR: Er...from the rocket. Ah...We were talking on the radio. (He lowers his wrench with a sigh of relief.) PHIPPS: Thank heavens you made it. ...The others here too? DOCTOR: No they're still in the rocket. Ah...how many of the Ice-Warriors are there? PHIPPS: The creatures you mean? DOCTOR: Yes. PHIPPS: Well there aren't many, but they're deadly. DOCTOR: Oh they have their weak points. PHIPPS: Look, they've killed everybody here! All except Fewsham and he's helping them. DOCTOR: I see...well there is only one thing for it, we shall have to destroy T-Mat. PHIPPS: What?! [SCENE_BREAK] 26, INT: ROCKET (Jamie speaks clumsily uses the communications apparatus.) DOCTOR OOV: H-have you refuelled the rocket Jamie? JAMIE: Yea..er..Yes, we've just finished and Zoe's checking the rocket-motors. DOCTOR OOV: Oh good, er...I have found Mr Phipps. JAMIE: Ah, how is he? DOCTOR OOV: Oh, he is quite alright but er... JAMIE: Aye, and you're bringing him back now? DOCTOR OOV: Yes eventually Jamie, but I've got to put T-Mat out of action first. JAMIE: Butbutbut Doctor, what about the Ice-Warriors? DOCTOR OOV: Now don't worry Jamie! You and Zoe prepare the rocket for take off and wait for us, goodbye! JAMIE: Butbutbut Doctor, Doctor y-hey..! (He thumps the machinery.) JAMIE: Och! (Zoe climbs up from the hatch in the floor.) JAMIE: T-that was the Doctor. He..he-he's found Phipps and he wants us to prepare the rocket for take off while they put T-Mat out of action. ZOE: But he can't! JAMIE: Why? ZOE: I've just checked the main power drive and the rocket's motors are completely useless. The only way back to Earth is by T-Mat! JAMIE: What?! Oh! (Zoe grabs the communications apparatus.) ZOE: Doctor, Doctor? Can you hear me, this is Zoe...Doctor?! Ooh he must have switched off! JAMIE: Oh now what do we do? ZOE: Well go and find him, come on! (They rush out of the doorway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27, INT: MOONBASE CORRIDOR DOCTOR: Where does this lead to? PHIPPS: Control Headquarters. Through this way... (They rush stealthily across the corridor and turn a corner to see an Ice Warrior at the other end frogmarching a struggling Miss Kelly somewhere, one huge clap-like hand on her shoulder.) DOCTOR: There's an Ice-Warrior, it's got Miss Kelly. But how..? (Suddenly the Ice-Warrior sees them and it's arm snaps up covering them with it's weapon.) DOCTOR: RUN! (Phipps and the Doctor run down the corridor as Miss Kelly pulls away from the Warrior and runs after them. The Doctor rushes back towards the Warrior and runs around it causing it's cumbersome frame to wheel around in confusion as it tries to get a clear aim. The Doctor runs off down the corridor drawing the creature away from the others who have by this time managed to put some distance between them and the Warrior. The creature lumbers after the Doctor. Upon rushing down a corridor in which the highly polished walls reflect into each like opposing mirrors, he pauses for a moment. Gazing curiously to the side he examines his multiple reflections staring back at him before continuing his flight. He scrambles forward along many more corridors until the Warrior is quite a way back. The Doctor pauses to breathe a sigh of relief, that is until he spots two more Warriors lumbering towards him in the opposite direction. He rushes back the way he came through the section with the reflective walls, then changes direction again rushing back towards the two warriors. In a desperate attempt to escape he takes a side corridor instead but his journey is cut short by a set of doors which are firmly chained shut. The Doctor rattles the doors in a futile attempt to open them, but he has run out of places to run so turns to face the Warriors who are closing in upon him menacingly. He holds up his hands desperately.) DOCTOR: STOP! ICE-WARRIOR: You must be desstroyed. DOCTOR: You-you've got no orders to kill me! ICE-WARRIOR: All... DOCTOR: Your leader will want to speak to me! ICE-WARRIOR: Humans are our enemiess! DOCTOR: But I can be useful to you, like Fewsham! Er...your leader will be angry if you kill me, I... I'm a genius! (The Warriors turn to face each other momentarily unsure of what to do.) ICE-WARRIOR: Geniuss? (They face him again.) ICE-WARRIOR: You will come with me! [SCENE_BREAK] 28, INT: MOONBASE CORRIDOR (Jamie and Zoe creep along a corridor and come to a fork.) JAMIE: Now which way? ZOE: I don't know, I'm lost. JAMIE: I thought you knew the way? ZOE: So did I! JAMIE: Oh! (She chooses the right-hand fork.) ZOE: Let's try this way. (She heads off.) JAMIE: Women! (He follows her as they come to another fork and in the distance the icy, rattling breath of a Warrior can be heard a short way away.) JAMIE: Oh no, we could wander around here all day! ZOE: Listen! Quick, here! (They cower together in the shadows behind one of the Moonbases iron support struts. A Warrior lumbers by and Zoe gazes curiously at its retreating form.) ZOE: What was that thing? JAMIE: An Ice-Warrior. You see, we were right! (The Warrior turns and spots them and lumbers forward.) JAMIE: Quick, follow me! (Jamie and Zoe rush away down the corridor with the Warrior in pursuit. They rush down the left fork and hide behind another beam.) ZOE: Get back, don't move! (The Warrior reaches the fork and looks left and right and decides to lumber back to control.) JAMIE: Phew! Now what do we do? ZOE: Keep looking for the Doctor and keep your eyes open for the solar energy room. Come on! JAMIE: Solar energy... (They wander off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29, INT: MOONBASE-CONTROL FEWSHAM: I wish you'd tell me what you want me to do! SLAAR: You will shortly dispatch a cargo to certain cities on Earth. They will include Ottawa, Oslo, Stockholm, Hamburg... FEWSHAM: Cargo, what sort of cargo? ICE-WARRIOR: The prisoner Kelly has escaped. This human was in the corridorss. SLAAR: Who are you? Where are you from? DOCTOR: I might ask you the same question! SLAAR: You will find the human Kelly and bring her back here. Who is this man? FEWSHAM: He's not one of the crew. I don't know him - he must have just arrived here. SLAAR: Impossible, we control T-Mat. How did you get here?! (The Doctor smirks.) DOCTOR: Our resources are not limited to T-Mat you know! SLAAR: You arrived here by other means, by spacecraft? FEWSHAM: Rockets haven't been used for years. SLAAR: Then you are lying! You have been concealed here all the time. DOCTOR: But you can't be sure of that can you, mm? The people of the Earth may be preparing a whole fleet of rockets to defend themselves with! SLAAR: No, Earth relies entirely on T-Mat. There is no defence against our plans. DOCTOR: And what are your plans? (Slaar seems to realise that he has said too much and says nothing further on the subject.) DOCTOR: Invasion by T-Mat? There are too few of you to conquer all the peoples of the Earth. (Two Warriors lumber in and set down a small, frozen metal casket which has a set of icicles jutting from the rim like broken teeth.) ICE-WARRIOR: The Grand Marshall has ordered all the seeds to be prepared. You are to receive your instructions. SLAAR: Then guard the humans, if they try to escape you are to kill them. (Slaar departs. As the Warriors busy themselves with the casket for a moment, the Doctor sidles up to Fewsham.) DOCTOR: Why are you helping them? FEWSHAM: I have seen what they can do. DOCTOR: Do you know what is in that container? FEWSHAM: All I know is they want me to send something to Earth by T-Mat. I suppose that's what's in it. DOCTOR: Then I shall have to have a look inside - and you are going to help me... [SCENE_BREAK] 30, INT: SOLAR-ENERGY STORE-ROOM ZOE: The Doctor's been captured? But couldn't you help him? PHIPPS: I'm sorry there was nothing we could do. KELLY: I'm sorry but we had a job to reach here ourselves. JAMIE: Aye, so did we. ZOE: Are you sure the Ice-Warriors don't know about this place? PHIPPS: Well one of them did find it, but I managed to deal with him. ZOE: How? PHIPPS: Well I fixed up a sort of booby trap to the solar-energy power line. JAMIE: Ah. KELLY: By the look of those things I'd have though they were invulnerable! ZOE: No, the Doctor said they can't stand heat. JAMIE: Ah, that's right. PHIPPS: The heating system of the entire base is controlled from the centre. Now if we could reach those controls and turn up the heating... ZOE: But how could we get there, there are Ice-Warriors patrolling those corridors. JAMIE: Aye. PHIPPS: Yes I know... (He clicks his fingers.) PHIPPS: The maintenance tunnels, over here. JAMIE: Hey, Oh, if we could get through here...then turn the heating up, knock the warriors out we could rescue the Doctor. KELLY: Then T-Mat ourselves back to Earth. JAMIE: Aye. ZOE: But I thought T-Mat had broken down? (Kelly looks down her nose frostily at Zoe as if she'd been personally insulted.) KELLY: Not anymore. I repaired it. How can we get this cover off? PHIPPS: This part of the base hasn't been used for ages, it's rusted solid. It'll take some time. JAMIE: Aye, well the Doctor may not have much time. [SCENE_BREAK] 31, INT: MOON-CONTROL (The Doctor whispers to Fewsham by the control panel as a guard watches them from a distance.) DOCTOR: Alright Fewsham, now. FEWSHAM: I can't! He'll kill us both! DOCTOR: You have got to help me! FEWSHAM: I said I can't! DOCTOR: Very well, I shall do it by myself. If I'm caught which is most likely we won't both get killed. FEWSHAM: Alright! (Fewsham walks across the room past the Warrior who swings around to follow him.) ICE-WARRIOR: Do not move! FEWSHAM: I was ordered to prepare the controls for transmission. I-I've have got to check that everything is in order. ICE-WARRIOR: Return to where you were. (Slowly the Doctor scrambles unseen, past the main console and over to the metal casket.) FEWSHAM: But this is most important! ICE-WARRIOR: If you are trying to escape I shall destroy you. FEWSHAM: I-I'm not trying to escape! ICE-WARRIOR: Go back to where you were! FEWSHAM: Alright, alright... (The warrior swings around and sees the Doctor examining the now open casket and covers him with his sonic disruptor. The lid of the casket bangs shut as the Doctor raises his hands, but he is saved by an unexpected voice.) SLAAR: Wait! (He addresses the Doctor.) SLAAR: Open it. (The Doctor stays where he is.) SLAAR: I said open it! (The Doctor does so and removes a small white sphere for a cursory examination.) DOCTOR: What are these things? They...they look like seed pods. (As the Doctor watches, the sphere suddenly enlarges to three times it's size and explodes in the Doctor's face disgorging a cloud of white vapour. Fewsham rushes forward but the warrior puts up an arm to keep him from getting any closer to the spreading cloud.) FEWSHAM: What is it? What's happened to him? Is he dead? [SCENE_BREAK] 32, INT: SOLAR-ENERGY STORE-ROOM (Phipps and Jamie manage to remove the cover to the maintenance tunnels.) PHIPPS: That's it! ZOE: I think I heard something. KELLY: Be careful! (Zoe peeks out of the door, and ducks back inside as she sees an Ice-Warrior heading straight for them and speaks in hushed tones.) ZOE: There's one coming. I don't think it saw me. JAMIE: We won't take any chances. (Jamie jams a metal bar in the sliding door as a large silhouette is seen from the outside.) JAMIE: That should hold it! ZOE: Get back! (Phipps mouths "Don't move" at Jamie.) JAMIE: The booby trap thing, does it still work? PHIPPS: It'll have to be reconnected. JAMIE: Well come on! PHIPPS: Psst, Kelly. (He motions to the equipment and they hurriedly plug it back in. Zoe pulls the metal bar from the door and stands back as Jamie holds the door closed.) JAMIE: Hurry up! (Phipps plugs into the solar-power line.) PHIPPS: Right! KELLY: Now! (Phipps throws the switch, and the Warrior is bathed in brilliant white luminescence from the solar lamps. The creature writhes horribly under the intensity of the stored ultra-violet radiation and completely evaporates into another slime-green puddle. They all gather around, curiously.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33, INT: MOON-CONTROL (An Ice Warrior removes a sphere from the metal casket and moves towards the T-Mat cubicles.) SLAAR: You will prepare to activate the cubicle and transmit to London. (He pauses for a moment.) SLAAR: Obey! (Miserably, Fewsham moves to the console.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34, INT: EARTH-CONTROL COMPUTER: EMERGENCY TRANSPORT SYSTEMS NOW IN OPERATION; HOWEVER, SITUATION STILL EXTREMELY CRITICAL IN MOST PARTS OF THE WORLD, PRIMITIVE AREAS SURVIVING BEST. BUT ALL MAJOR CITIES NOW SUFFERING SEVERE FOOD SHORTAGES. (Radnor turns to Eldred.) RADNOR: Without T-Mat millions are going to die - especially in the cities. [SCENE_BREAK] 35, INT: MOON-CONTROL (Fewsham sits with his hand on the control, within a cubical sits a tall metal stand which contains a single white sphere.) SLAAR: Activate! (Fewsham does so and the stand fades away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36, INT: EARTH-CONTROL (There is a whine from a nearby cubical as something appears.) BRENT: Commander Radnor, the T-Mat is working! RADNOR: Working? Kelly must have got through! ELDRED: Splendid! (They all peer at the object that has materialised.) ELDRED: What is it? (Brent Enters the cubicle and touches the sphere. As he does so it begins to grow like the Doctor's, but more ferociously.) BRENT: It's alive! (They all look astonished as the alien artifact soon fills the entire cubicle with an unknown rippling white mass, and just when it seems it can expand no further...)

The Doctor, Jamie and Zoe make it to the moon and join forces with Phipps but the Ice Warriors have gained control of T-mat.

fd_The_Mentalist_01x12

fd_The_Mentalist_01x12_0

Janice: I don't know, but she actually called and said that she'd done it. Rigsby: Anything else you guys hear, let us know, okay? Van Pelt: Thank you. Rigsby: Kid's name's Cody Elkins, 16 years old Reported missing a couple days ago. Turned serious enough to call us when the local policemen found the boy's shoe two streets away in a gutter. Waiting on the D.N.A. We figure it's an abduction, potential homicide, which makes it a CBI case. Van Pelt: The parents are Michael and Janice, both clean. They have another son named Brad, 14. They own a flower shop here. Cho's with 'em now. Lisbon: Let's go. Jane: Think I'll just wait out here. Lisbon: Sure, whatever. Boy: Hey, dude. Jane: Nice bike. You boys gotta be pretty anxious to see something to ride this, huh? You didn't ride a pink bike through town to come to the store, did you? What'd you come to see? Boy: Nothing. Jane: Really? Boy: Let's go, Clyde. Jane: Where's Cody Elkins? Boy: I don't know. Jane: I know you guys know where he is.You don't have to tell me out loud. Just look in the direction. That way? Boy: Why did you do that? Jane: Thank you. Here's your bike. Be safe. Lisbon: Cho's gonna bring the Elkins home. Jane: I have a pretty good idea where Cody Elkins is. Lisbon: Sharing is good. What makes you think it's him? Jane: Because those kids gave it away. Plus they smelled like eucalyptus. Van Pelt: But there's eucalyptus trees all over around here. Jane: Crows. Van Pelt: So? Jane: Crows are carrion birds. They like dead things. Rigsby: Oh, jeez. Poor kid. Van Pelt: What does it mean? Black magic. Sacrifice. Lisbon: But there's no such thing as black magic. Jane: Well, somebody disagrees. Rigsby: We're looking for a murder weapon. Anything you find, anything at all, tag it and bag it. Thanks, guys. Van Pelt: Wait a second. Elkins' home Lisbon: When did you last see Cody? Michael: Friday night, after the game. Cody plays wide receiver for his high school team. Uh, they got blown out pretty good that night. But, uh, it's a pretty good team this year. It's nationally ranked. Lisbon: When exactly did you see him last on Friday ? Michael: Uh, when he went to bed. We were, all three of us, out early the next morning. When we came back that afternoon, Cody was gone. He was, uh, supposed to meet his coach the next morning for, uh, some extra practice, but he never showed up. Lisbon: And that Friday night, what was his state of mind? Janice: He was fine. Fine. Michael: He was a little upset with himself about the game. He'd, uh, made some mental errors, you know? Coach D. Got on him pretty good. Cody kind of pushed back a little bit, I guess. Lisbon: They had a fight? Michael: You could say. It's nothing serious-locker room stuff, a little shouting. Cody just wanted to do better. Janice: How did he die? Cho: There were indications around the body of some kind of black magic ritual. Now did he have any friends or acquaintances who were involved in that kind of thing? Janice: Oh, my god. It was her. Michael: Of course. Cho: Who's this? Michael: Tamzin Dove. She's into all that black magic crap. Janice: She's... Claims to be a witch. Says she has powers. Lisbon: And did she have some sort of resentment toward Cody? Michael: About a-a week ago, she, uh she claimed that Cody stole her cat. Lisbon: Did he? Janice: No. Of course not. But she put a spell on him in revenge. Jane: A spell? What kind of spell? Janice: I don't know, but she actually called and said that she'd done it. Lisbon: That must have been worrisome. Michael: At the time, Cody thought it was kind of funny. I mean, she's a-a geek, you know? I think that's why we didn't think about her right away. Lisbon: Where can we find Tamzin Dove? Lisbon: [phone] Things are getting weird already. We're off to see a witch. Van Pelt: Oh, be careful. Lisbon: Yeah, yeah. You find anything useful there? Van Pelt: Nothing-no murder weapon, not a lot of blood. Looks like he was killed elsewhere. M.E. estimates that he died on Saturday morning, The cause being several blows with a heavy, blunt object like a crowbar or a pipe, maybe. Lisbon: Okay, I want you two to go and talk to Cody's football coach. He and the kid had a fight on Friday night. They were supposed to meet up on Saturday morning. Van Pelt: Got it. We got the football beat. Rigsby: Okay. Tamzin Dove's home Cho: Look-a goat. Goats are signs of Satan. Lisbon: So petting zoos are, like, gateways to hell? Cho: Very much. Lisbon: Ooh, look, another bad sign. Cho: You shouldn't joke around about this kind of stuff. Lisbon: It doesn't look like anybody's home. Jane: Not much security for a servant of the devil. I could pick that lock with this in about five seconds. Lisbon: We'll wait. Jane: Don't look now, but we should grab one of those kids and talk to 'em. Damn. Lisbon: Are they the same kids from the Elkins shop? Jane: Yes. Coach: Let's see some hustle out there now! It's a tragedy. His whole life ahead of him. Great kid, too. Go, go, go, go, go, go! Vinson, you manatee! Move your lard butt downfield! Great kid. Good values, good habits. Van Pelt: You were supposed to meet with him Saturday morning? Coach: That's right. Right here,9:00 a.m., for some serious fumble prevention reps. He never showed. Rigsby: You and he had serious words Friday night, right? Coach: Yeah,Cody had a shameful game-zero T.D.S, two fumbles and five blown routes- a personal foul that cost us 15 yards. He let himself down and let his team down. That's been his m.o.lately. That's why we were meeting on Saturday morning, to get him back on track. Van Pelt: "shameful"-that's kind of harsh, isn't it? Coach: I run a reality-based program here. If you want to hear malarkey, try the english department. Tillis! I can see you, Tillis! I can see you. Rigsby: What did Cody have to say in reply? Coach: What I discussed with Cody is nobody's business. People have no freakin' idea how it is between a coach and his team. Van Pelt: Oh,we have an idea. Coach: I doubt it. Van Pelt: We looked into your history, Mr. Dieter. Five years ago, you lost a high school coaching job in Oregon for inappropriate physical contact with students. Coach: Wait a minute. You make that sound like I'm a s*x molester or somethin'. I smacked a couple of kids because they needed an attitude adjustment. Their pantywaist parents made an issue of it. Rigsby: That's okay then? Coach: It's football. Van Pelt: Actually, that's assault on a minor. Coach: There were no charges filed. Van Pelt: But you had to resign. Coach: No. No, I chose to resign. Rigsby: With a promise to take anger management class. Coach: 36 hours' worth. I did my time. Bored the rage right out of me. Ask all the questions you want. Not trying to hide something here. Rigsby: Good. Coach: We need to search the school gym and the locker rooms. Do whatever you gotta do. Frank! Frank, you need to pull around him, and you need to get upfield. Van Pelt: No, your strong side tackle should do that. He's got the better first set, and your tight end's jumping his route. Rigsby: Hey, quick hands, think fast. Hit me. I'm open. Uh,no. What kind of coach's kid are you? Your daddy would be ashamed. Van Pelt: Fine. Go long. Rigsby: Oh, nice! Hey, check this out. Van Pelt: Interesting. Rigsby: Let's get this to forensics. Lisbon [phone]: Okay, boss. Minelli says we can go in. The warrant's on its way. Let's do this. Cho: Bet you can't do it in five... Never mind. Lisbon: What's wrong? Cho: I'll wait out here. Lisbon: Why? Cho: All right, I'll go in, but you first. Tamzin: Hello. Jane: Hello. Tamzin: Welcome. You must be the CBI. Please sit down. Jane: Thank you. Lisbon: Why didn't you just let us in? Tamzin: If I had, I wouldn't have the upper hand, now would it? Lisbon: So you were expecting us. Tamzin: Of course. I heard what was done to Cody Elkins. They used a pentacle and a flame, made it look like witchcraft-wicca. Naturally, you'd come to me. I'm the only witch in town. Lisbon: Those details about that- no, thank you-pentacles, and the candles weren't made public. How did you know about them? Yes, please. Tamzin: Friends. Lisbon: So your friends were involved in Cody's death? Tamzin: No. Jane: Are these friends small with long hair? The big one's name is Clyde? He has a sister with a pink bike? Tamzin: Yes, that's them. Lisbon: You're friends with a lot of kids then. Tamzin: Yes, kids... They like mystery and darkness, and I like kids. Lisbon: What do their parents have to say about that? Tamzin: The kids that come here come because their parents don't give a hoot. But they had nothing to do with Cody's death, nor the pentacle and the candles. Lisbon: What were they doing in the woods, then? Tamzin: Picking herbs for me. Cho: Herbs? Jane: Fenugreek, wild roses, nettles. Tamzin: Please. I make and sell wicca healing powders on the internet. You should check out my web site. Lisbon: Why didn't you tell the police your friends found a body? Tamzin: What for? I knew the earth and the rain and the animals would take care of Cody. You can't help him. Lisbon: It's true. We can't, but what we can do is find and punish the people who murdered him. Tamzin: There's no need. Cody deserved to die. He was a bad person. He stole and tortured and killed my cat. I saw him take it. Lisbon: Why would he do that? Tamzin: Fear, I guess. That's just the way it is with the cowen. They live in fear. Lisbon: The cowen? Tamzin: Those who are not wicca. Those who unbelieves our powers. Lisbon: What powers are you talking about, exactly? Tamzin: A witch is simply a high priestess of the wicca. We worship the horned god and the triple goddess. We're healers mostly, but we have the magic also, when needed- spells and so forth. Jane: Did you put a spell on Cody Elkins? Tamzin: I did. I put a killing spell on him. I'd done the spell several times before, but this is the first time it's worked. Jane: What does the spelling involve? What do you do, exactly? CBI Coach: Why am I here? Rigsby: So you can explain to us why forensics tells us that your blood was found l over a t-shirt we found in Cody's locker. Coach: I told you, we had an argument. Rigsby: Oh, so now you're saying you had an actual fistfight? - You drew blood? Coach: Yeah. It was no big deal. I chewed him out. He got mad. He took a couple of swings at me. Rigsby: Laid out by a kid, huh? Coach: It was a lucky punch. Rigsby: So your own student beats you up, and you don't tell anyone? Coach: It was no big deal. Rigsby: Or maybe you figured you're gonna get even with him the next morning, so best keep it quiet, huh? Coach: No. No. I was too embarrassed. People don't know the kid is a freaking nut bag. Makes me look bad either way, so I just pretended it didn't happen. Van Pelt: He hit you first- his own coach? Coach: I told you a nut bag. Rigsby: Well, that's not what we've heard. Coach: Ask Daniel Brown. He's a good friend of Cody's. Last month Cody got mad over a card game or something. Beat Danno unconscious. Had to be dragged off of him. I don't know why Danno didn't press charges. Van Pelt: Daniel Brown? Coach: Yeah. Tamzin Dove's home Tamzin: Killing spells are secret, but this is a public binding spell that I can show you, and it's similar. What is your name? Cho: What's it to you? Jane: Kimball Cho. Tamzin: God and goddess, hear me. By light of the one flame, let this mortal soul, Kimball Cho, be bound by my power. So that he knows I speak truth, let him behold the king of beasts and kneel before him. Cho: Come on. Lisbon: That's it? That's your spell? You're not gonna make him drink a potion or anything like that? Tamzin: Doesn't look like much, does it? But it's very powerful magic. Lisbon: Yeah, okay. Unfortunately it seems that one of your friends helped your magic along with a blunt instrument. In which case, you're as unmagically guilty as they are. Tamzin: If a friend of mine had done this, They wouldn't have pointed the police right to me with a pentacle and flame. No, Cody's murder was staged to look like wicca. Any fool in this town would think of it. It's obvious misdirection. There's a witch in town. Duh. Lisbon: A witch that put a killing spell on the boy in question. Tamzin: Exactly. It's perfect. Lisbon: Thank you for your time. Jane: Thank you. Cho? Kimball Cho, let's go. Jane: Didn't want to bring her in? Lisbon: You don't think she did this, do you? Jane: Oh,s he's deep in it somehow- hiding something or someone. Lisbon: I agree. I'd bring her in, but on what charges? She's a whack job. She enjoys the attention. Quicker and more effective to just ignore her and let her come to us. Jane: That's very astute psychology, Lisbon. I'm impressed. Cho: Hey, why'd you give her my name? She said I was gonna kneel before the lord of beasts. What does that even mean? Jane: What? Oh, come on. You're not telling me you believe she's an actual witch. Cho: No, of course not. But I mean, if dark forces did exist, it stands to reason there could be people who control them for their own ends. Jane: They're called investment bankers. They don't live around here, I assure you. Relax. No such thing as witches. Cho: Yeah, that's easy for you to say. Weird witch lady didn't burn you in effigy and bind you to her power. Cho: "Kimball," she says, "you shall kneel before the lord of beasts." Rigsby: That's scary. Cho: Yeah. Rigsby: Yeah ,if you're a 12-year-old girl at her first sleep away camp. Cho: You had to be there. Rigsby: Don't sweat it, man. Met this girl in college. She said she was a witch. It's not a satanic cult. They're just nerds in cloaks. Cho: Hey, there he is. Rigsby: Daniel Brown? Cho: We've got some questions about Cody Elkins. Daniel: No! Let me go! Cho: Hello to beast. - Let me see your hands. Daniel: Let me go! Rigsby: Come on. Cho: The spell was real. [SCENE_BREAK] CBI Rigsby: Let's go. Dan active your fight with Cody Elkins. Daniel: What fight? There was no fight. Rigsby: No? He beat you unconscious is what we heard. Put you in the hospital. We have witnesses. Daniel: Who? Nah, it wasn't that bad. Rigsby: T you in the hospital? Daniel: Yeah, for a couple of hours. It was observation. Rigsby: So why didn't you press charges? Daniel: It was a misunderstanding between friends. Nobody's fault. Jane: Oh, I want to get in there. Cho: Go in there. Jane: Just... I'm just... Rigsby: Or perhaps you figured you'd take revenge more... directly? Daniel: Nah. Rigsby: How did the fight start, Daniel? Daniel: Over at Roy T. 'S place playing cards, drinkin'. His mom's in rehab. So he's got the run of the place. I did some trash-talkin'. Cody got mad. We fought. He won. That's all. Jane: I'm going in. Rigsby, uh, you- do you mind if I... Rigsby: No, do your thing, man. Jane: Thanks. I'm Patrick. You must be... Daniel: Daniel. Jane: All right, Daniel? Can I keep your hand? Thanks. Nothing strange. I want you to breathe... And look right here. What did you say that angered Cody? Daniel: It was a card game. A lot of trash-talking. So I was tripping on his family like, "your mom's a ho. Dad's a punk bitch." Jane: Keep it over here. Just relax and keep it right up in here. Daniel: I'm lookin' at you, man. Jane: Good. Daniel: Anyway, Cody goes off. Bam. Smashes a beer bottle over my head. No warning. I mean, I'm out cold, but... But the guys tell me he tried to seriously stomp me out. And if they hadn't grabbed him, I could be dead. Jane: How much did the Elkins pay you for your silence? Daniel: Nothing. Jane: Want to try that again? Daniel: 1000. Elkins' home Cho: You have to admit it's uncanny. The lord of beasts? Jane: Coincidence. Cho: Please. What are the chances? Jane: Million to one. Cho: There you go. Jane: Life is a million to one. The universe is one big coincidence. Cosmically improbable coincidences- they happen all the time. We just don't notice 'em. Cho: Or she's a witch. Jane: Or she's a witch. Michael: Is she in custody- the witch? Cho: No, sir. Janice: Why not? Jane: She did put a spell on your son, like you said. You're right. But that doesn't constitute a criminal offense. That's protected free speech. Janice: So why are you here? Cho: It seems Cody had some violence issues that we need to speak about. Janice: No. He was a good boy. Cho: Oh, we're not saying otherwise, ma'am. But if he had problems with his temper, that might help explain the context leading to his death. Michael: Context? In a pig's ear. You're trying to blame Cody for his own death. Jane: I have a question. It's always bothered me. Why do they call it football? People don't really use their feet much, do they? Michael: Are you trying to be rude or disrespectful or what? Jane: Could I use your bathroom, please? Janice: Down the hall to your left. Jane: Thanks. Michael: What's his problem? Cho: Sorry about that. Do you know a boy named Daniel Brown? No. Janice: Michael... Michael: Fine. I see where this is going. Daniel and Cody had a fight. Jane: There you are. Brad: Go away. Jane: I can't. I wish I could. It's my job to hound people until I get the truth. Brad: Yeah, well, uh, good luck with that. Jane: Nice place. Must be tough being Cody Elkins' little brother. Brad: No. Well... Sometimes. Jane: Me? I'd hate it. He gets all the attention, the glory, the girls flocking around- for what? For running and jumping and catching a-a thing? Brad: Yeah, monkeys could do that. Jane: Yeah. Monkeys could do it better. Yeah, you know, if monkeys played football, they would kick some serious jock butt. Michael: All right, I admit it. I gave Daniel Brown money to, uh, to keep him quiet. Cody has a... Had... a real shot at a college career. Would have been the first Elkins to have that chance, and we were so proud. But you gotta understand. A coach hears about these kinds of run-ins, and it would have ruined his chances at one of the top schools. Cho: Had these run-ins ever happened before? - No. Michael: No, our son had no problem with violence. Janice: It was an isolated incident. Michael: Where's your friend? Cho: I don't know. Jane: How come Cody killed Tamzin Dove's cat? Brad: I- I don't know that he did that. Jane: She saw him take it. Brad: Well, look, she-she saw what she saw, right? All right? I-i don't know. Um, if-if he did do it... You know, k-kill the cat... Do you think he deserved to die? Jane: Do you? Brad: I'm asking you. Michael: You don't speak to my son without my permission. Jane: Well, that's a little weird and controlling, but okay. Do you mind if I speak to your son, Mr. Elkins? Michael: Yes, I do mind. Jane: I asked. See you around, Brad. Rigsby: Oh, my god. Where's my food? What is this? Van Pelt: That is healthy and nutritious snacking. Rigsby: I'm gonna die. Seriously, I'm allergic to carrots. Van Pelt: Well, I'm tired of the car reeking like fast food. It's like working with a caterpillar... Rigsby: I can't even be in the same room as a carrot. I go into anaphylactic sho- Van Pelt: funny. That's enough. Rigsby, come on. Look, look, look, look. There he is. He's leaving. CBI Lisbon: Why won't this damn thing log in? [phone] Lisbon. Oh, good, Van Pelt. How do I get on to the- Van Pelt: We just followed the kid to the witch's house. Lisbon: Is she with him? Van Pelt: He just went inside. They hugged. Lisbon: Brad Elkins is at Tamzin Dove's. He hugged her and then went inside. Jane: Interesting. They should wait ten minutes, then go in. Lisbon: Why wait? Jane: Let the plot develop. Let the fruit ripen. Let the yeast rise, etcetera. Lisbon: What if he means to do her harm? Jane: Well, if he was gonna do that, he'd have done it by now. Lisbon: Wait ten minutes, then go in. Van Pelt: Okay, boss. Rigsby: Well? Van Pelt: We wait ten minutes, then we go in. And personally, I don't care if we wait all night. Witchcraft creeps me out. Rigsby: It doesn't bother me. Nerds in cloaks. Van Pelt: There's more to it than that. Rigsby: Ah, it's just a silly alternative lifestyle, like "star trek" or yoga. Van Pelt: I do yoga. Tamzin's home All: By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. By blood, has he been sullied. By blood, let him be cleansed. Rigsby: Hear that? Van Pelt: What is that? All: By blood, let him be cleansed. Rigsby: Not yoga. Rigsby / Van Pelt: Police, freeze! Everybody stay where you are! Stay where you are! - Everybody stay where you are! - Drop the knife. - Drop the knife. Van Pelt: Brad, we're CBI. You all right? Rigsby: Come on. Let's go. Let's go back. Let's go. Brad: What? No! What-what's wrong with you people, huh? Why can't you just leave me alone? Rigsby: Come on, Brad. Tamzin: Stay calm, Brad. Be patient with the ways of the cowen. Van Pelt: Everybody just stay where you are. CBI Jane: TAMZIN DOVE. I like it. These files say your real name is Sarah Jones from New Jersey. Your mother committed suicide when you were 16. You don't know who your father is. You're a college dropout. You have a history of mild psychiatric problems, and you served six months for shoplifting a few years back. Tamzin: Sarah Jones is dead. I'm Tamzin Dove. I am a priestess of wicca. You can't hurt me. Jane: Oh, I don't want to hurt you. I imagine there's been enough of that. I want to help you. This is a murder investigation, so one way or another, you're looking at trouble. Tamzin: The goddess will protect me. Jane: Tamzin, the goddess may give you solace and hope and meaning in your life, but she can't protect you from those police out there. Tamzin: Brad's been an apprentice of my coven since last autumn equinox. There's no crime in that. Jane: Kind of young to be a witch, isn't it? Tamzin: We're all born witch. We're all born into magic. It's taken from us as we grow up. Jane: Interesting, if true. How did Brad's parents feel about this new direction in his life? Tamzin: Brad's parents just... really hate witches for some reason. I mean, like, more than most. About a month ago his mom threatened to kill me if I ever spoke to him again. Jane: But you did. Tamzin: Brad came to me of his own free will. He was drawn to wicca. I couldn't turn him away. Jane: How does he feel about the spell you put on his brother? Tamzin: He's at peace with it. That's why we were conducting the cleansing ritual. Brad knows the difference between the world of magic and the real world. He understands I didn't kill his brother. Rigsby: Maybe because in the real world, Brad did it. Lisbon: What have you got? Rigsby: Brad's been hospitalized twice in the last year. Both times the accident report lists the cause as "roughhousing with brother." Think maybe Brad had enough? Everybody has a limit. Jane: I have to go. Brad: Me? No! W-why would I kill my own brother? Lisbon: So he would stop hurting you. Brad: Yeah, but he never hurt me. Ever! Lisbon: He put you in the hospital twice. Brad: Accidents. They-they were accidents. So? Jane: So he did hurt you. It was just-it was accidentally. Brad: Yeah. I- I mean no. Yeah. Jane: He hated that you were friends with Tamzin, didn't he? Brad: Yes. Jane: But you never gave her up. Why? Brad: I feel safe there. Cho: Sorry. Can I have a minute? Jane: We'll be right back. Cho: The parents are here. You want me to hold 'em off? Lisbon: Yeah. Wait. No. Let Brad go with them until we get some hard evidence to bear down on them. Jane: Yes, but let me talk to them first. Lisbon: Please have a seat. Michael: I don't see why you had to drag him all the way down here. Lisbon: We're sorry for any inconvenience. Jane: Strange that neither of you told us about the connection with Tamzin Dove. Janice: We were... confused, to be honest with you. We don't understand Brad's obsession with witchcraft. We want to understand, and we're trying, but it's... It's disturbing and, uh, a little embarrassing, to tell you the truth. Michael: We're in this together, right? We're gonna get help. Nowadays there's, uh, therapy for these kinds of problems, right? We'll get through this. Janice: Have you charged that, uh, woman? Lisbon: No. Janice: No? I mean, isn't it obvious that she did it- her, one of her weirdo friends? I mean- Lisbon: she's helping us with our inquiries. Jane: She swears she's innocent, so we're having her put a spell of revelation on the murder weapon. Janice: A spell of revelation? Jane: Witches have the power of telekinesis. She says that she has a spell which will raise the weapon from wherever it's being concealed and reveal itself to us. Michael: And you believe this evil crap? Jane: Well, you never can tell. We're gonna give it a whirl. Janice: That's insane. Jane: Her last spell seemed to work pretty well. Janice: How could you be so cold? Jane: Practice. Lisbon: I apologize. Brad is free to go. Janice: Let's go. Michael: Come on, son. Jane: See you, Brad. Well, look after yourself, and if I were you, I'd stay very clear of Brad Elkins for a while. Tamzin: I'll do as the goddess tells me. Jane: Whatever. Oh, listen, next time you speak to her, could you, uh, put a good word in for me? Tamzin: I will. Jane: Thanks. Cho: Hey, I thought you were gonna have her cast a spell to find the murder weapon. Jane: Oh, the spell's already cast. Cho: When did she cast it? Jane: She didn't. I did. Cho: You can cast spells? Jane: Cho, there's no such thing as spells. Cho: I know that. Jane: He, uh, really is quite freaked out about this witchcraft malarkey, isn't he? Lisbon: Uh, yeah. Jane: We're gonna need to work a double shift on the stakeout tonight. Lisbon: Are you at least gonna tell me what's going on? Jane: Oh, come on. You're telling me you don't know what's going on? You don't know who did th and why? Lisbon: No, but you're gonna tell me. Jane: How about I show you? Lisbon: Here we go. Jane: Better call Cho. Lisbon: You're not going anywhere. Put it down. Jane: This is god speaking. You made me angry, Michael. Very angry. - And you're under arr- Lisbon: that's enough. Jane: Arrest. CBI Jane: Amazing, isn't it? The murder weapon revealed. Tamzin's spells seem to work. I guess she really is a witch. Michael: I don't know what you're talking about. Lisbon: I'm sure forensics will confirm your son's blood And tissue on one side of the wrench and your fingerprints on the other. Michael: I have no knowledge of that. Lisbon: Then why were you trying to hide it? Talk to us, Michael. Maybe there were circumstances. Maybe you had to defend yourself. Michael: I don't have to tell you anything. Lisbon: What about your sons' trips to the emergency room- their broken bones? Michael: Just clumsy, I guess. Maybe a little dense at times. Jane: Good that they had you to keep 'em in line, huh? Some people just don't understand how lucky they are. Michael: That's right. Jane: I realized it was you when Brad said he liked going to Tamzin's house because he felt safe there. Safe-he feels safer at a witch's house than they do at home. You've been abusing and beating your wife and sons for years, haven't you? Michael: No. Jane: My guess? You were smackin' Brad around a little too much. Cody wanted to protect his brother. Was that it? Michael: No. Jane: "no," he says. Your wife and son are down the hallway, and they say no, too. They know we caught him throwing away the murder weapon, and they still don't believe he killed Cody. Imagine how much they love this man to be in such denial. Cody confronted you, didn't he? He wouldn't put up with your crap anymore... Flashback [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Jane: But you wouldn't hear of it. Michael He hit me. I was defending myself. Jane: Good-bye, Michael. Jane: Morning. Van Pelt: What are you doing? Jane: Ah, just a little favor for Cho. Jane (to Cho): Uh, Tamzin Dove told me to give you this. She said to keep it in a safe place.

When the dead body of a promising high school football star, Cody Elkins, is found with a pentacle and burning candles next to him, CBI suspects a self-proclaimed real witch is the killer. The witch, Tamzin Dove, confesses to putting a death spell on Cody after he killed her cat but swears she did not hurt him. While Cody's parents believe Tamzin is guilty, hospital records stating Cody put his younger brother, Brad, in the hospital for "rough-housing" and a pentacle in Brad's hideout suggests he killed his brother in retaliation. But when Brad does not fall for a mentalist trap and instead his father does, the true story of family abuse and Cody's murder is revealed.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_07x18

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DRAGONFLY INN [Sookie and Michel are filling some baskets.] MICHEL: What are you doing? SOOKIE: What? MICHEL: Oh, fine. SOOKIE: Michel. Michel. MICHEL: Michel what? SOOKIE: You can't put your schedules in the front of the basket. It's blocking everything. MICHEL: So? SOOKIE: So it shouldn't block everything. It doesn't look good. MICHEL: [Laughing] Yes, it does. I am a man of refine and renown. Aesthetic Fabien Baron once publicly admired the way I decorated my locker at crunch. SOOKIE: What? MICHEL: I worked extremely hard on these schedules, and it looks good. SOOKIE: Yes, the schedules look nice, okay. Lovely font choice, lovely use of bullet points, but give me a break it's not like you made them on an antique printing press or something. MICHEL: Oh! I'm sorry. Did you make your chocolate-dipped apricots on an antique printing press? SOOKIE: Ha ha. No, of course not. MICHEL: Touch . [Moves the schedule] SOOKIE: Ah no, that's not a touch . [Moves the schedule back] MICHEL: Touch . [Moves the schedule again] SOOKIE: Touch . [Moves the schedule back] MICHEL: Tou- [They start having a slap fight like kids] SOOKIE: Leave it! leave it! leave it! LORELAI: [Entering room] Hi, guys. How are the baskets coming? SOOKIE: Great. MICHEL: Yeah, just great. LORELAI: Oh, wow. Looks like Mr. Crankypants is in his usual spring-fling funk. MICHEL: I'm not in a funk. LORELAI: I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about Mr. Crankypants. Hey, the schedule looks good. SOOKIE: You should see his gym locker. Touch . MICHEL: Touch yourself. LORELAI: [Reading the schedule] "Dance of the daffodils, bingo, sack races, pie-eating... bird-watching"? We didn't schedule any bird-watching, did we? MICHEL: There was a void. LORELAI: Huh? MICHEL: On the schedule there was nothing scheduled on Saturday evening. It looks ridiculous so I wrote in bird-watching. LORELAI: Oh, that's clever. Except for the fact we didn't schedule any bird-watching. MICHEL: So? LORELAI: So what if people want to do some bird-watch? MICHEL: Oh, please. No one will want to go bird-watching. LORELAI: How do you know? MICHEL: Who wants to watch birds? Why on earth would you watch a bird? LORELAI: Oh you know what should be on here is hay-bale maze. SOOKIE: I can't believe we're actually having a hay-bale maze. MICHEL: Oh, what is wrong with people? Walking in hay? Don't they have lives? Don't they have televisions and elliptical machines? What kind of weirdo wants to walk around in a maze of hay? LORELAI: Taylor Doose and no one else. LORELAI: But don't you vote on these things in your adorable little meetings? SOOKIE: He hoodwinked us. LORELAI: yeah. This year he gave an impassioned speech about how his childhood dream was to visit a hay-bale maze. And and he was clutching hay and crying. It was very disconcerting but oddly moving. So we voted yes. It was a pity vote. SOOKIE: And a hoodwinked vote. LORELAI: And it turns out he wasn't really crying so much as he was allergic to the hay. MICHEL: Oh! Whatever. SOOKIE: Michel, people stopped saying "whatever" like two years ago. MICHEL: Whatever. I'm outtie 5,000. OPENING CREDITS PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Logan and Doyle having breakfast.] PARIS: oh. Great. DOYLE: What's the matter, babe? PARIS: Logan, did you just polish off a carton of milk? LOGAN: Oh, yeah, I guess I did. Sorry. There's plenty more in there, though. PARIS: Well, actually, no. LOGAN: Really? PARIS: Nope. There's no milk in here for my cereal. It's cool. I'll just skip breakfast and suffer the afternoon mood swings. LOGAN: I'm sorry I could have sworn there were like four or five cartons in there. PARIS: Each of these milks is here for a reason. I need the 2% for my cereal, whole milk for my tea, half-and-half for my coffee, skim milk for cooking or baking, plus, I like to keep lactaid on hand for Doyle. DOYLE: Which I don't need. Because I'm not lactose intolerant. PARIS: You're lactose resistant. You have a bias against lactose. You're sensitive. DOYLE: I'm not sensitive. I have no problem with lactose. PARIS: There's nothing wrong with being sensitive. Jake Gyllenhaal is sensitive. Orlando Bloom is sensitive. DOYLE: Me and lactose are cool. We're down. LOGAN: I tell you what, I'll replenish the 2% and keep my paws off the lactaid. DOYLE: I don't need the lactaid. RORY: Good morning. DOYLE: Me and lactose are bros. RORY: Glad to hear it. PARIS: I wouldn't throw Jake Gyllenhaal out of bed. RORY: Also good to know. LOGAN: Good morning, ace. Welcome to the party. PARIS: FYI, there's no 2% milk. RORY: Ah oh. LOGAN: Guilty as charged. Man, you look great. That is one smart-looking suit. RORY: Well, let's hope that it does most of the talking because I keep thinking of questions that they might ask me, and this lovely little thing keeps happening where my mind goes completely blank. You know it's like "Rory, what journalists do you admire?" ah-um "What journalists do I admire?" And nothing. It's a blank. It's like a snowstorm in here. It's all white and empty. PARIS: Uh-oh. LOGAN: You're gonna be great. DOYLE: Absolutely. PARIS: Or you'll choke. What? It's your first big interview. You very well may panic. I'm just saying, don't panic if you panic. RORY: Ah that's so sweet, Paris. DOYLE: Which paper is it? RORY: The Providence Journal Bulletin. DOYLE: The pro jo -- no kidding? It's a good paper. Excellent reputation. Top-notch staff. RORY: Yeah, it could be a really good job. DOYLE: Oh on the downside, word on the street is they work their cubs hard. Long hours, lots of working lunches. And they do have a comics section. LOGAN: What's wrong with a comic section? DOYLE: Let's just say The New York Times does not have a comic section. Speaking of the biz, I should hit the road here. Where the heck is my attach case? LOGAN: You are gonna be great. RORY: Oh, thanks. PARIS: I got a credit-card statement addressed to you, Logan. Addressed to you here. No "care of..." just you. LOGAN: Yeah that stuff used to go to my dad's business manager. I had them forward it here. Hope that's okay. RORY: That's okay. Isn't it okay? PARIS: Yes. You're right. Of course it's okay. RORY: Okay, I need to pick out a coat. A trench coat would be too "All The President's Men," but my blue coat would be too "His Girl Friday." PARIS: I'm just gonna cut to the chase. Why are you here? LOGAN: You're not talking metaphysically, are you? PARIS: Seriously, Huntzberger. You're used to living in places with doormen and Danish furniture and refrigerators so fancy, magnets won't stick to them. This craphole's smaller than the walk-in closet in your last pad. What's the deal? LOGAN: Well, my last pad was not my pad, technically. My dad's company was picking up the rent, and since I'm no longer working with my dad's company, they weren't so keen on it. PARIS: Plus, you're broke. LOGAN: I'm not broke. RORY: What about this? Is it too "That Girl"? LOGAN: You can never be too "That Girl." DOYLE: Man, those corn flakes really did a number on me. RORY: Okay, I better go catch my train. Have a good day. LOGAN: Good luck, ace. Knock 'em dead. RORY: Okay I will. LOGAN: Call me after. RORY: Okay, bye. PARIS: Oh, after you're finished with all your work, it'd be great if you could... LOGAN: Pick up some 2%. I'm on it. PARIS: "Do the dishes," I was going to say. LOGAN: Oh, okay, sure. PARIS: And, Logan, this probably goes without saying, but no scrubby sponges on the Teflon pans. LOGAN: Wouldn't dream of it. LUKE'S APARTMENT LUKE: Wow. What'd you do, raid the New Mexico state library? APRIL: I know, I know I just couldn't anticipate what I'd be in the mood for. Would I feel like reading Melville or Mcinerney? Or would I be in more of a Native-American, interconnected short-narratives mood, in which case, I'd go for the Louise Erdrich and some "love medicine." LUKE: Yeah you know what I love about you? APRIL: My dazzling wit and generous heart? LUKE: The fact that you could be in a Native-American's interconnective short-narratives mood. APRIL: It's fascinating stuff, and you know what's funny? Growing up in New England, it's like you're told over and over that you live in this old place where houses are 300 years old and there's all this history, right? LUKE: Right, APRIL: Well, some of these pueblos, like the Aztec ruins national monument, or the Casamero Pueblo ruins -- I mean, people were living there in 1100 A.D. It's like, "suck it, New England." LUKE: It's like what? APRIL: And actually, one of my swim-team friends lives on the Jicarilla Apache reservation, which is pretty fabulous. LUKE: Fabulous, huh? APRIL: "Fabulous" is the new word in school. LUKE: I see so New Mexico doesn't seem so terrible after all, huh? APRIL: Yeah, not so terrible. LUKE: You know, you look good. Grown-up. Maybe it's the new glasses. APRIL: Thanks. A girl can only be called Sally Jessy so many times before she has to rethink the red frames. Plus, I think these go better with earrings. LUKE: With... [April pulls her hair away from her ear] LUKE: Oh, look at that. You got pierced ears. APRIL: I basically had to. Unadorned ears seem like a total waste when all around where I live, all this fabulous jewelry making is going on. Oh, speaking of which... LUKE: What's this? APRIL: Open it. LUKE: Ah. [opens the box] Oh, wow, a bracelet. APRIL: Navaho tradition says that turquoise is a piece of sky that fell to earth. And the apache used to put little pieces of it on their arrows so that they'd aim more true. LUKE: Well that is very sweet of you, April. Thank you very much. APRIL: Well? Put it on. Let's see what it looks like. LUKE: [Chuckles] APRIL: Fab-u-lous. LUKE: Yeah, fabulous. APRIL: Totally. LUKE: Yeah. DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION DESK [Michel serves a customer while Lorelai is working on the computer] MICHEL: Is that a rhetorical question? MR SINCLAIR: I beg your pardon? MICHEL: You said, "who doesn't love the spring fling festival?" And I'm asking... LORELAI: Because we just can't imagine anyone who doesn't love it. Michel, will you grab their keys? Mr. And Mrs. Sinclair, it's so wonderful to have you back. Welcome. MRS SINCLAIR: We've been dreaming about the festival since the middle of January. MR SINCLAIR: Mm-hmm. This winter was a doozy. KID: I got my tongue stuck to the swing set in our backyard. LORELAI: Wow. Really? MRS SINCLAIR: He did. I had to get my hair dryer and an extension cord and melt the poor thing free. LORELAI: Well, it's just pony rides and funnel cakes from now on. Let me show you all our information. [Goes to answer the phone] Oh, just excuse me one second. [On the phone] Dragonfly inn. RORY: [On a Train] Hey. LORELAI: Hi, how did it go? RORY: It went great! LORELAI: Wow, that's great. Hold on a second. I'll be right back. Michel, will you talk to Rory? [Back to the Sinclair's] Okay, so here's your map. MICHEL: Hello. RORY: Hey, Michel. How's it going? MICHEL: Middling to poor. Where are you? I hear noise. RORY: I'm on a train on my way back from Providence. MICHEL: Oh. RORY: What? MICHEL: I do not care for trains. RORY: Oh, no? I'm sorry. MICHEL: Trains are dirty. RORY: Well, this train doesn't look very dirty. MICHEL: You know what I find particularly disgusting? RORY: What? MICHEL: Train tracks. They remind me somehow of trails left behind by slugs. You know there are a lot of slugs in the spring, you know? Oozing all over the place. Uh, I think your mother is done now. It was nice talking to you. LORELAI: [To the Sinclair's] Thank you. Have a good time. [To Rory] Hey. RORY: So it's spring fling time again, huh? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, when a young man's fancy turns to being totally rude. So tell me about the interview. I want to hear everything. You walked in the door. What kind of door? You sat in a chair. What kind of chair? Go. RORY: I met the editor, Kate Hessel, and she invited me in. I sat down, we started talking, and we just had so much to talk about. It was great. It was an amazing interview. LORELAI: Wow! That's great! RORY: It was we talked about Seymour Hersh and how he was comparing Iran to Nicaragua and the contra war and everything, from Alexander Haig and Watergate to the Oprah phenomenon. And the best part was I was just being myself, you know? I was just talking, and I forgot about impressing her. LORELAI: But there you were, impressing her. RORY: Yeah and she said she'd call me by tomorrow to let me know whether or not I got the job. LORELAI: Wow, tomorrow? RORY: Yes I feel that everything's happening so fast. I can't believe school's almost over. I can't believe it's spring already. LORELAI: Well, it is, believe me. We are lousy with spring flingers here. RORY: How are those spring flingers? LORELAI: Well you know, as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as ever. So you gonna make it this year? RORY: Oh I do want to come, but... LORELAI: Yay! Did I just "yay" over your "but"? RORY: But I wanted to check with you first because I want to make sure it's cool if I bring Logan, too. LORELAI: Oh. Y-yes, of course. Gosh, I should have thought of that. I'm sorry. RORY: Oh, no, it's cool. LORELAI: You can give him the grand tour of Stars Hollow, and I'll show embarrassing pictures of you picking your nose. RORY: Oh, no. No baby pictures. LORELAI: Who said they're baby pictures? So, um, you're bringing a guy home. RORY: It's not like I picked him up at a truck stop. LORELAI: No, no, I know. You're bringing a suitor, a gentleman caller, home to stars hollow. I'm gonna have to get out my pipe and dust off my "what are your intentions?" Cue cards. ANNOUNCER ON TRAIN: Next stop, mystic. Mystic, Connecticut. LORELAI: Listen to you on the train. RORY: I know. I'm in my suit. I'm reading the paper. LORELAI: Coming back from your job interview. RORY: I know I just went on an interview for a real job in the real world. LORELAI: Wow, I am impressed. RORY: Thanks, mom. LORELAI: Seriously. I'm impressed. RORY: I'll see you tomorrow. [They hang up and Rory smiles while reading the paper] LORELAI'S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR [Rory and Logan enter and make their way to the living room] RORY: Okay, here we are! This is the entryway, or the foyer, if you're feeling fancy or French. LOGAN: Wow. RORY: You can just leave that stuff here. What do you mean "wow"? When you walk into your parents' foyer, there is a genuine-article Magritte right there and a chandelier the size of a Volkswagen. Now, that is a foyer with a capital "F." LOGAN: Yeah but this is where Rory Gilmore grew up -- the Rory Gilmore. RORY: Hello? LORELAI: Are you here? RORY: No, we're really far away screaming really loudly. LORELAI: Ha ha ha. Hi, hi! Welcome, welcome! LOGAN: How you doing, Lorelai? LORELAI: Good, good. Apparently I say everything twice now. It's charming. Charming. LOGAN: Well, these are for you. [Hands Lorelai some flowers] LORELAI: Oh! Wow. Thank you. LOGAN: Thank you for having me. LORELAI: They're beautiful. I'll put them in a vase. LOGAN: They're Cymbidium orchids. They're native to the foothills of the Himalayas. LORELAI: Well, that sounds fancy. And they look fancy, too. Wow. LOGAN: This is a beautiful house. LORELAI: Thank you. I never know what to say when somebody says that. You don't want to agree, but on the other hand, it feels weird to disagree and say, "no, it's a dump," so thank you. LOGAN: It's charming. Charming. RORY: Hey, mom, we still get cell reception in here, right? LORELAI: Yeah, of course, honey. Why? Ooh, the job. RORY: Yeah, she said she'd let me know by today. LOGAN: Today's not over. Today's just starting. LORELAI: Oh, honey, I'm sure she's just busy at work, you know? Speaking of which, I should get to work because Michel's mental state is very precarious today. RORY: Yeah, go. We'll be fine. LORELAI: Okay I circled some stuff in the paper for you, though. So you'd have stuff to do. There's some movies if you feel like going to the movies. And um I noticed that the colonial butter churners are having an exhibition at the antiquarian society. That could be kind of funny. And um then there will be a lot to do tomorrow with the festival and everything. There will be games and face-painting and stuff like that... RORY: Mom. LORELAI: What? You've lived here before? RORY: Yeah I think I remember enough to show Logan around. This is the town with the Sistine chapel, right? LORELAI: Oh yeah and don't forget to show him the Pyramids, Kitty-corner from the Wailing wall. LOGAN: Thank you. LORELAI: Thanks. Um so I got you guys set up in Rory's room, and um just make yourselves at home. I made up the bed for you and the trundle bed, so you can do whatever you want. I mean, bed-wise. RORY: Okay great, that's great. LORELAI: So I'll see you later for dinner. Unless you want to have dinner alone, which is total cool. LOGAN: Don't be ridiculous. RORY: We want to have dinner with you. LORELAI: Okay, good. Well I have the town meeting, but I'll be home after. I will wow you with my takeout-ordering skills. RORY: She really is amazing. LORELAI: There's talk of a show on the food network. LOGAN: Sounds great. LORELAI: And you have some guest towels there. RORY: Oh, I didn't know we had guest towels. LORELAI: Of course. "Guest towels." A fancy way of saying "towels that are clean." RORY: Oh. LORELAI: All right, I'll see you later. Have fun. RORY: Okay, bye. I'll take that, then. [Sighing] Oh. LOGAN: Come here. RORY: What? LOGAN: Why don't you come over here and find out? RORY: What? Here? Where the Rory Gilmore used to sleep? LOGAN: Hi. RORY: Hi. [They kiss] STARS HOLLOW - OUTSIDE MISS PATTYS MISS PATTY: And 4 and 5. Keep those toes pointed. Mary, that means you. Extend and reach out. Roots push into the soil! [Rory and Logan walking down the street] RORY: And this right here -- this is the very curb where I fell off my bicycle the second time. LOGAN: Wait, is that blood? RORY: Yeah you joke, but it was very traumatic, okay? I scraped up my whole face. There was a big old scab on my nose the first two weeks of fifth grade. Oh, they called me bozo. LOGAN: Bozo. RORY: And Rudolph and scab nose. LOGAN: Oh. RORY: [Giggles] This is the curb where I fell off my bike the third time. LOGAN: Oh, poor little scab nose. RORY: Yes. It's also the place where I decided I would never ride a bicycle again in my entire life, or at least till the end of elementary school. LOGAN: There should be a plaque. RORY: There should be. Oh and this is Miss Patty's dance school. LOGAN: Any injuries incurred here? RORY: Only psychological ones. LOGAN: That's cute. Those are some pretty avant-garde costumes there? RORY: They are. They're bold. It's for the dance of the daffodils. There are three acts, you see. In the first one, the bulbs dance, then they grow stalks, and then they bloom into daffodils by the third. LOGAN: Oh, that's cute. RORY: Mm-hmm. LOGAN: And this hay-bale maze -- this is all Taylor's idea? RORY: Yep. LOGAN: This is the same Taylor who is town selectman and owns two businesses. RORY: Yeah, he's basically the Mayor of Stars Hollow and Don Corleone all wrapped up into one. LOGAN: That's fascinating. RORY: That's fascinating? LOGAN: I find Stars Hollow fascinating. RORY: You're out of your gourd. LOGAN: No, I'm very much in my gourd. It's like colonial Williamsburg with fewer knickers and Tricorn hats. RORY: And more hay? This is Luke's diner. LOGAN: Oh. When you were younger, were you in the dance of the daffodils? RORY: Maybe. LOGAN: You were, weren't you? RORY: Well, therein lies the psychological injury. LOGAN: What happened? RORY: I didn't bloom. My headpiece malfunctioned. LOGAN: Poor little scab nose. RORY: Yeah. [They enter Luke's] LOGAN: Wow, the famous Luke's. ZACH: Rory! RORY: Oh, hey, Zach! You know Logan. ZACH: Sure, sure. How's it going, man? LOGAN: Great I'm having a great time. ZACH: Hey, we just saw Kwan and Steve. Oh, yeah? Wait, Lane was there, too, right? RORY: Yeah. LOGAN: She was there. She looks great. RORY: Yeah and the babies are already growing so big. ZACH: I know, huh? Especially Kwan. Well, at least in the torso. He's got this superlong torso, but Steve's growing in the arms and legs department. RORY: I noticed he has long legs. ZACH: Dude, Steve's an octopus, man, but Kwan's got the torso. When it comes to torso, he's so on it. [They laugh] ZACH: Well, I got to get back to work. You guys sit anywhere you like. RORY: Thanks, Zach. LOGAN: So, is this your table? RORY: Oh, I guess they're all kind of mine. They're each my own little kitchen table. [Rory checks her cell phone] LOGAN: No call? RORY: No call. LOGAN: Don't worry. LUKE: Rory, hey! RORY: Hey. LUKE: Hey, Logan. LOGAN: How's it going, man? LUKE: Good, good. So what brings you to this neck of the woods? RORY: Ah the spring fling, and it's my neck -- of the woods, I mean. I wanted to show Logan around. LUKE: Well, it's good to see you. RORY: Yeah you too. LUKE: You know April's here for the festival, too. She's hanging out with her swim buddies, but I know she'd love to see you. RORY: Oh, great. LUKE: You guys know what you want, do you need a minute? RORY: Do you want to peruse the menu first? LOGAN: Sure. RORY: We'll peruse. LUKE: Peruse away. RORY: [Sighs and checks the cell phone again] LOGAN: She'll call you. Now, put it away. RORY: But... LOGAN: Put it away. RORY: Hmm. You know, it's so not a big deal. LOGAN: What isn't? RORY: Not getting this job. I mean It's not even my first choice. What I really want is the Reston fellowship. And not getting this job is just so not a big deal. LOGAN: Okay. RORY: Yeah, I mean, and Providence? It's no Manhattan. LOGAN: That's true, because it's Providence. RORY: Right. LUKE: [bringing water to the table] What the hell? RORY: Whoa. LUKE: Taylor, you cannot... [Luke rushes outside] Taylor, what the hell are you doing? TAYLOR: Now, take it easy, Luke. LUKE: I am taking it easy, Taylor. TAYLOR: No, you're not. The veins in your neck are starting to pop out at me. LUKE: Why is there a giant wall of hay right in front of my diner?! TAYLOR: The entire town voted. I'm just executing what the town wants. LUKE: This is not what the town wants. This is what you want! [Logan and Rory watching from their table] LOGAN: Oh, stars hollow is better than Colonial Williamsburg. RORY: Mm-hmm. STARS HOLLOW - TOWN SQUARE [Lorelai and Sookie walking] SOOKIE: So they're staying in the trundle bed, huh? LORELAI: Yep. SOOKIE: So if they're all cozy and trundly, I guess that means Logan's out of the doghouse, huh? LORELAI: Out of the doghouse. Back to roaming the neighborhood. SOOKIE: What is that tone? LORELAI: Oh, no tone. He's lovely. I'm glad that they're doing well and they're back together and that he stopped gallivanting. SOOKIE: Gallivanting? LORELAI: You know, gambling in Vegas, jumping off buildings, whatever it was he was doing. Of course, I don't love that he was doing it so recently. SOOKIE: Sounds like Logan's still in somebody's doghouse. LORELAI: No, no, no. Logan's a lovely young man. He's nice and polite and funny. He's got that hair, you know? The hair that could sell shampoo to a bald man. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: Logan is a very charming young man. SOOKIE: I know that tone. LORELAI: What tone? SOOKIE: That. The sound of repressed judgment. LORELAI: I don't know what you're talking about. SOOKIE: I am talking about last month at the book-shop bake sale when Winsen brown came up and told us that her daughter Maude was just signed by ford, you know, as a baby model, and you were like, "oh, Winsen, that's wonderful. What a great way for a 9-month-old to see the world." That's the exact same tone. LORELAI: I don't mean to be judgmental. SOOKIE: I know that's why you're talking like you've had your jaw wired shut. [laughs] LORELAI: No, I just... I mean, Rory is an adult now, you know? She's riding trains and wearing suits. Made sense for me to have an opinion when we were talking about Jess or Dean, but with Logan, I don't know. It's just really not my place anymore. SOOKIE: I see. LORELAI: I mean sure, I don't love that he just did a business deal behind his father's back and lost millions of dollars. And I don't love that after that, he quit his job and moved in with Rory. These are not things I love. And I'm not crazy about the fact that, apparently, in the name of getting on his feet, he's writing in some sort of idea book, which is, as far as I can tell, is just a notebook in which he writes ideas. SOOKIE: Wait, what? LORELAI: Yeah, right. I mean I have a dream journal, but I don't use it as evidence of my responsibility. Look, he's an overcoiffed, overprivileged young man, but it's not my place. SOOKIE: To judge. LORELAI: Exactly. SOOKIE: Mm-hmm. LORELAI: Wait a minute. Where are the booths? SOOKIE: Where are the booths? LORELAI: I mean, the festival's tomorrow. All I see is hay. SOOKIE: A ridiculous amount of hay. MISS PATTYS - TOWN MEETING [Lorelai and Sookie enter as people start to gather] LORELAI: Huh! SOOKIE: Wow! It's crowded. LORELAI: Yeah full house, huh? APRIL: Lorelai! LORELAI: Hey. SOOKIE: Hey I'm gonna go find Jackson. I'll save you a seat. LORELAI: Okay. April, hi! [They hug as Luke and April come over] How you guys doing? APRIL: Oh, I'm fabulous. LORELAI: Fabulous. So how is New Mexico treating you? You had any interesting encounters with UFOs lately? APRIL: Oh, tons, but you know what they say - "What happens in Roswell stays in Roswell." LORELAI: Hmm. Do they say that? LUKE: Well, she does. LORELAI: Wow, someone got their ears pierced. Glamorous. APRIL: Thank you. LUKE: Someone's growing up fast, huh? LORELAI: NO kidding. APRIL: I can hear you guys, you know. I'm getting our seat. LUKE: Alright I'll be right there. APRIL: See you later, Lorelai. LORELAI: Bye, hon. Oh. So... LUKE: So, how's the Inn? LORELAI: Good. It's, uh, full of spring flingers. LUKE: Oh, I bet. LORELAI: How's the diner? LUKE: Uh, same as ever. You know. LORELAI: Yeah. [Gavel bangs] TAYLOR: If everybody would please take their seats, I'll call this meeting to order. LORELAI: Well, I guess we better... LUKE: See you later. LORELAI: Okay. TAYLOR: Now, I am aware that a small but vocal minority of you have expressed concern about the progress of this year's spring fling festival. I would like to take this time to assure you that everything is going as planned. [Crowd murmuring, Taylor continues to talk.] SOOKIE: So, how was it with Luke? LORELAI: Um... polite, succinct, fine. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Yeah. TAYLOR: ...well it is Babette, I assure you there's nothing to worry about. BABETTE: But what about our booths? We don't have our booths! TAYLOR: Everything is under control. Take, for instance, the hay-bale maze. It's coming along wonderfully. LUKE: It's taking over the whole town. TAYLOR: What do you mean? JACKSON: There's hay everywhere. I haven't seen so much hay since... I have never in my life seen so much hay. [Crowed agrees] TAYLOR: Would everyone please take a handful of chill pills? GYPSY: Where the hell is my damn lemonade booth? TAYLOR: You don't need to worry about your lemonade booth. GYPSY: Why not? The festival is tomorrow, and I have to start squeezing my lemons, and I don't have my equipment or my booth. TAYLOR: You don't have to worry about that, gypsy, because you don't need to squeeze lemons because you don't need lemonade. Because there isn't going to be a lemonade booth this year. [Crowed mumbling again] GYPSY: What?! TAYLOR: The budget for the lemonade booth has been reallocated to the hay-bale maze. BABETTE: What about Morey's salty nuts?! How's he supposed to have his salty nuts booth if we don't have a lemonade booth? If people start eating salty nuts and they don't have easy access to lemonade, their mouths will fall off. TAYLOR: Well you don't have to worry about that, Babette, because there's not going to be a salty nuts booth because the budget for the salty nuts booth has been reallocated to the hay-bale maze. BABETTE: What?! [Crowd murmuring] LORELAI: He spent the entire budget on the hay-bale maze. SOOKIE: No. TAYLOR: I put the entire budget into the hay-bale maze. SOOKIE: No! LORELAI: Taylor, you can't do that. I have an inn full of guests who've come here, traveled miles, withstood winter, who blow-dried their tongues off their swing sets so they could get to the spring fling. TAYLOR: Yes. LORELAI: They expect certain things, the traditional events -- pie-eating contests, pony rides. They don't want just a hay-bale maze and nothing else. TAYLOR: Feast your eyes on this bad boy. MICHEL: Taylor! LUKE: That goes right up to my diner. It's blocking my entire diner. BABETTE: I don't get it. Is it a race? TAYLOR: You people clearly don't understand the long and rich history of mazes. Ladies and gentlemen of stars hollow, perhaps this will help. [Taylor uncovers someone standing in a costume with a cow's head] LORELAI: Oh, my god. GYPSY: What the hell is that? KIRK: I am the Minotaur! LORELAI: The weird thing is he's been in that head under that velvet cloth this whole time. KIRK: Although the word "labyrinth" is used interchangeably with "maze," maze scholars insist upon a distinction. BABETTE: Hey, Kirk! What's with the cow's head? TAYLOR: Where are you people going? KIRK: A labyrinth is a universal maze, a maze without branches, without choices... LUKE: You ready? TAYLOR: This is important. The Minotaur is speaking. KIRK: ...Blind alleys down which to proceed. Now, the first maze in recorded history... STARS HOLLOW - TOWN SQUARE BABETTE: People are gonna miss your salty nuts, baby. They are. MOREY: Yeah. [Babette, Morey, Lorelai and Sookie, stop to see a crane lifting the gazebo.] LORELAI: Insane. SOOKIE: Insane. LORELAI: Insane. [SCENE_BREAK] LORELAI'S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR LORELAI: Hi, I'm home! RORY: We're in here! LORELAI: We got a new Thai menu that looks kind of promising. I don't know where Jessington way is, though... or never mind. I am -- I am shocked. I-I'm shocked to find there's cooking going on in here. RORY: It is shocking, isn't it? LOGAN: We're making paella. LORELAI: Paella? Who can even spell paella, let alone make it? That smells good. LOGAN: Can I get you wine? We have red and white. RORY: Yeah and in paella, there's chicken, sausage, and shrimp. So anything goes. LORELAI: Uh, red, please. RORY: How was the town meeting? LOGAN: Oh yeah, how was Taylor? RORY: Logan's fascinated with Taylor. LOGAN: He's fascinating. LORELAI: He's insane. He is ripping out the gazebo with a crane. RORY: What? What do you mean? LORELAI: He's ripping out the gazebo with a crane. He thinks that it defeats the purpose of the maze if we can still see a town landmark. RORY: Wait. I cannot believe that he is doing that. That gazebo has been there since Paul Revere was a baby boy. LORELAI: I know. So what can I do? How can I help? LOGAN: You can chop peppers. LORELAI: Peppers. Those are the -- oh, right. Hey, how do you know how to make paella? LOGAN: Well, when I was a junior at Exeter or -- no, sorry, Andover -- I did a semester abroad in Spain. LORELAI: Spain -- wow. [Cell phone rings] RORY: Oh! I think that's me. [on the phone from the living room] Hello?... LORELAI: Um so, I heard you had a really tough business deal. I'm sorry about that. LOGAN: Oh, yeah, that's the way it goes. You know these things happen. A business is like an ocean. You just got to surf it. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Right. Um, but Rory said you're working on some new ideas. How's that going? LOGAN: Great. Really great. It's an exciting time. This is the real dot-com renaissance. Everything's changing from the way media is sourced to the way we buy things to what we buy. All the restrictions of the brick-and-mortar retail mall are gonna be a thing of the past. LORELAI: Hmm. LOGAN: Oh, yeah, it's way beyond Amazon and eBay now. It's kind of like what's going on with these simulation games, like "Second Life" or "World of Warcraft." Actual currency is being exchanged for virtual goods. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? LOGAN: I mean theoretically, I could make a fortune selling virtual Lightsabers or something on "Everquest 2" LORELAI: Whatever happened to selling encyclopedias? Not virtual enough, I guess. LOGAN: Ideas are really my commodity. With the experience I have and the contacts I've gained, I really feel with the right idea, boom, I could be right back on top. LORELAI: Hmm. RORY: Oh, my god. I got it! I got the job! LORELAI: Oh, my god, honey! I can't believe it! LOGAN: I can. LORELAI: I knew you were gonna get it. RORY: It's a real writing job! LORELAI: A real writing job! RORY: I mean I'd have a salary and a desk and maybe even an office. Well, not an office, but she did say something about a desk and a salary and a 401k, and I have to tell her yes or no by Monday. Oh my God. LOGAN: Oh, I'm so proud of you, Ace. LORELAI: Oh, honey! RORY: Someone actually wants to pay me to write. LORELAI: We need to celebrate. [They each get a drink] LOGAN: Absolutely. LORELAI: All right, to you. RORY: Cheers. LORELAI: You know what this calls for. RORY: What? LORELAI: Paella. LOGAN: [Laughs] RORY: Yes. STARS HOLLOW - NIGHT TIME [Lorelai, Rory and Logan walk past the hay-bale maze] RORY: It's a good job. LORELAI: It is. LOGAN: Absolutely. RORY: It's a really good job. I can't really imagine living in Providence, Rhode island. I mean I don't think there's a lot going on there. LOGAN: Well, there's Brown. It's a pretty cool college town. RORY: Yeah which would be great if I hadn't just spent the last four years in college at a college town. It is a great paper, though. I guess that's the part to focus on. LOGAN: It's an excellent paper. RORY: But it's kind of small. LORELAI: Well you could be the big fish in the small pond. RORY: Yeah which means I would actually get to write some articles, which would be great. But I don't know. Is it better to be a small fish in a pond where I'm gonna learn more and have career-advancement opportunities? LORELAI: You don't have to decide until Monday, and between now and then, you can eat a lot of pie. RORY: Yes, if we ever make it to Weston's. LORELAI: Seriously. LOGAN: Yeah, where is this Weston's of yours? RORY: Normally, it's not far away, but all this hay's blocking all the parking spots. It's too much hay. LORELAI: Yeah well, we're burning off a lot of calories, so thank goodness you ordered an extra pie. RORY: Two extra pies, actually. LORELAI: Nice! RORY: To be quite honest, this is one of the best jobs I could imagine getting. LORELAI: That's really great. RORY: I know, but it's just one of, you know? It's not the best. It's just... [Sighs] I don't know. I mean, if I take this job, I'm giving up the chance at the Reston fellowship. LOGAN: Which you really, really want. RORY: I'd be giving up The New York Times, you know? But then, is it idiotic to give up a great job for this chance at another job? Not even a job. The fellowship's only a six-week paid internship. LOGAN: Yeah but if the fellowship is your dream, I don't know I guess people should go for their dreams. LORELAI: Yes, honey, I want all your dreams to come true. LOGAN: You got to go for it sometimes. Screw the 401k. LORELAI: Oh, well, not everyone can live in that dream world. LOGAN: It's not in a dream world, necessarily. LORELAI: Yes, it is, if you're talking about following your whims and neglecting financial security. LOGAN: I'm not saying to neglect financial security. LORELAI: Okay. LOGAN: Not at all. When you're 22, I don't think a 401k needs to be your top priority. That's all I'm saying. LORELAI: Right, well, all I'm saying is food costs money and rent costs money and a salary gives you money, so that can be a good thing. LOGAN: I agree. I'm aware of the reality of money. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: All right you guys figure out my future. I'm gonna go pick up these pies. LORELAI: Okay. LOGAN: I just got my first credit-card statement. I'm very much aware of the reality of money. LORELAI: You just got your first credit-card statement? LOGAN: Earning money is great. It's just not everything. LORELAI: No, I agree. LOGAN: And I think in this particular situation, Rory should take the gamble. LORELAI: The gamble? Rory's not a gambler, you know? She's a thoughtful, deliberate decision maker. LOGAN: I know that. LORELAI: You're a gambler, but that's not her. RORY: Okay, cherry pie, banana-cream pie, and strawberry-rhubarb pie. LORELAI: Great! RORY: I just figured, if we're gonna do pie, we might as well do pie. LOGAN: Let's do pie. LORELAI: Let's do pie. LORELAI'S HOUSE - RORY'S BEDROOM [Late night Logan is wakes up.] LOGAN: What you doing awake, Ace? RORY: Oh, I'm sorry. LOGAN: Oh, a pro/con list. Classic Rory Gilmore pro/con list. RORY: There's so many factors! LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: What about all the other newspapers that have my r sum , you know? Taking this job means rejecting all those other possibilities. I should factor that in. LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: Or what about the very real possibility that print journalism is a dying animal? I should factor that in as a pro, because newspaper jobs might become increasingly rare, and I should snap up what I can get, but also as a con, because I should be careful about getting too entrenched in what could become an anachronistic medium. LOGAN: Mm-hmm. [Reading the list on the laptop.] "Pro -- air quality in Providence as compared to air quality in Manhattan. Con -- Chinese-food quality in Providence as compared to Chinese-food quality in Manhattan." You need to go to sleep. [Closing the laptop] RORY: Oh, no, but these are pivotal hours. I mean these are the hours when I'm gonna make my decision. LOGAN: You need sleep, haven't you ever heard of the expression "sleep on it"? RORY: But... LOGAN: We can do a pro/con list about you doing a pro/con list, but I say we do it in the morning. RORY: I guess I am kind of tired. LOGAN: I bet. RORY: [Yawns] What are you doing there, babe? LOGAN: [Grunts] Just trying to get my pants on and get some water. RORY: Oh, yeah? Some water? With your pants? LOGAN: Yeah, I don't want to go out there without pants. RORY: You need to put a shirt on to get water? LOGAN: Yeah what if your mom's out there? I don't want her thinking I'm David Hasselhoff or something. RORY: She's not gonna think you're David Hasselhoff. Socks? Logan, she's not gonna think anything weird. I promise. LOGAN: Socks without shoes looks ridiculous. I'll be right back, sweetie. RORY: All right, good night, David Hasselhoff. [Rory turns out the light, Logan gets a glass and makes his way to the sink as Lorelai turns on the light.] LORELAI: Oh. LOGAN: Oh, hey. LORELAI: Hi. LOGAN: I'm sorry. I didn't wake you, did I? LORELAI: No, I was... craving some pie, but you know what? I'm not -- I'm not hungry. LOGAN: I just needed some water. LORELAI: That's okay. I'll...see you in the morning. LOGAN: Lorelai? LORELAI: Yeah? LOGAN: I want you to know I'm not a gambler. LORELAI: Okay. LOGAN: Look, I know that Rory tells you stuff, and you know all these things about me, like I know you know I went to Vegas and all that, and I just I want you to know that's not who I am. I don't want you to be worried. LORELAI: Well... I am worried. I'm a mom. That's what we do. LOGAN: Okay well, what exactly are you worried about? LORELAI: Okay. I'm worried that you're not worried enough. You take things lightly. This whole "you got to surf the waves" attitude. "Cowabunga, dude." I mean, you just lost millions of dollars. LOGAN: I know. I know I did, believe me. And I don't feel "Cowabunga, dude" inside. Believe me, I know I made a big mistake. LORELAI: You do? LOGAN: Yeah. But I don't want to act like that in front of you. I mean, for one thing, the whole self-flagellation thing -- it's kind of embarrassing, and I just I want you to think well of me. LORELAI: All right, well... it's good for me to know. It's good for me to know that you know you made a mistake. LOGAN: I made a mistake. I messed up. I really messed up. LORELAI: Okay. I think 401k's are important. I think responsibility and paying your bills and dealing with reality is important. LOGAN: Ah well, I'm beginning to learn about reality. I grew up with a lot of privilege. LORELAI: Right you had that whole silver-spoon-in-the-mouth thing, and that's not how I raised Rory. LOGAN: I know that. LORELAI: This was not a silver-spoon household. This was Spork city all the way. LOGAN: I get that, and I respect that because I just spat out a whole place setting of sterling silver royal Danish. I left my dad's company, I left that world because I have my own values. LORELAI: I understand that. LOGAN: I thought you would because that's what you did. You left the world of privilege to do things your way. LORELAI: I guess I never thought of it that way. LOGAN: And you did it when you were younger and had a baby to take care of. It was really impressive. LORELAI: I don't need you to be impressed by me. I just need you to know it wasn't easy. LOGAN: I know that. LORELAI: I didn't get anything like "boom," you know? I worked hard for everything I got. LOGAN: I want to work. I'm ready to work. And I want to work hard. LORELAI: All right, then. LOGAN: All right, then. LORELAI: Since we're up, do you think we should have some pie? LOGAN: Yeah. LORELAI: Really? LOGAN: Yeah. LORELAI: You think we should have some vanilla ice cream on it? LOGAN: That's my favorite. I love vanilla ice cream. STARS HOLLOW - TOWN SQUARE [Piano playing upbeat tune as people run through the hay-bale maze, A group from the Dragonfly Inn get off a bus.] KID: Are there any people chasing you? MS SINCLAIR: No, it's just a maze -- a maze made out of hay. KID: And there's no people jumping out at you with, like, squirt guns? MRS SINCLAIR: I don't think so sweetie it's just a maze, but it's made out of hay! KID: So, wait a minute. There's no lights or fireworks? It's really just a maze made out of hay? What a drag. MICHEL: You're preaching to the choir. LOGAN: Well, I can't believe we're finally here at the maze. RORY: It's all I've dreamed since I could dream. LOGAN: Oh man there is just something about being in a maze of hay. It's so much fun! RORY: Totally. LOGAN: Oh man, am I glad I got out of that waterslide park so I could come to the hay-bale maze! LORELAI: Take it down, Olivier. LOGAN: Not buying the waterslide thing? LORELAI: Well, just keep it real. Well, the hay-bale maze is gonna be really fun, and then afterwards, Sookie has prepared hot dogs and funnel cakes and salty nuts -- all the festival classics. KID: You like hay-bale mazes? LOGAN: Oh, yeah, I'm crazy about them. KID: That's cool. MRS SINCLAIR: Co o on, let's go! LORELAI: Hey, thanks. LOGAN: No problem. LORELAI: Wow, look at that. You think maybe Taylor was right? RORY: Bite your tongue. LOGAN: That man is a genius. BABETTE: Whoa! LORELAI: Hi, guys. BABETTE: That was, "whoa!" Right, babe? MOREY: Whoa. LORELAI: Oh, you okay? MOREY: The maze. Just high on the maze. BABETTE: [Laughs as they leave.] [Taylor at the entrance of the maze.] TAYLOR: Let's go, people. Keep it moving. [Sneezes] Damn allergies. [Sniffles] All right, next 10 can go. [Sniffling] Uh, no gum, no matches, no pushing, no shoving. KIRK: No running in the maze! TAYLOR: Oh, and if you get lost in the maze, don't panic, just stand still, wave your hands, and the, uh, maze guard will find you. LORELAI: Oh I'm gonna say hi to Sookie and Jackson. I'll be right back. [Walks over to them] Hey, kids. Hi, you guys. Did the kids like the maze? JACKSON: The kids loved the maze. SOOKIE: We loved the maze. LORELAI: Really? SOOKIE: [Laughs] Yeah, it's really fun. LORELAI: But it has no fireworks, no lights, no guys with squirt guns. Why is it so fun? JACKSON: It's just cool! [Back to Rory and Logan] LOGAN: You know when you were making that pro/con list? RORY: Yeah? LOGAN: I kind of noticed there was something on there about me. RORY: Oh. Yeah. I didn't know where to put you. LOGAN: Yeah, I was that, I saw you wrote "Logan," and then there were like three question marks. RORY: Well, there were just so many factors. And I wasn't sure to what extent I should factor you in. LOGAN: Well, I want you to know I don't want you to factor me in. RORY: Oh. Okay. LOGAN: No. I mean... I'm not sure exactly what I'm gonna be doing next, and I know I want to start putting my ideas out, and I know I want to start working, but I think you should do what you want to do, and then -- and then maybe I'll factor you in. RORY: Oh. You want to factor me in. LOGAN: Yeah. I'd like that. If you're in providence, maybe I'll come live in providence. RORY: That would be great. But just, in general, I'd like to factor you in, too. LOGAN: Okay. But for this one, you make your decision based on what you want for you. You do what you want. RORY: Okay. You know what I really want? LOGAN: What's that? RORY: I want to go for the fellowship. I'm gonna say no to the pro jo. LOGAN: Okay. RORY: Yeah, I'm gonna go for it. Okay. TAYLOR: Okay, next group! No gum, no matches, no pushing, no shoving. If you get lost in the maze, wave to the man on stilts. You're good to go. RORY: Mom, you want to come with us? LORELAI: Uh, no, go ahead. [In the maze Rory and Logan walk hand in hand, that come to a fork, look at each other, and go right.] LUKE'S DINER LUKE: You got the tuna there? APRIL: Tuna on rye, tuna on wheat, mayo, no mayo respectively. LUKE: [on the phone] Yeah. No. No, delivery time hasn't changed. Yeah. No, no, no, the maze hasn't changed anything. Okay, all right. Uh, French dip, ham and Swiss, fries, fries, onion rings, roast beef, BLT, BLT no "B," BLT no "T," turkey on rye, burger. Yep. No. No problem. [hangs up phone] ZACH: Okay. LUKE: "Okay" what? ZACH: Okay I've got something to tell you. LUKE: I don't have time for dramatic pauses Zach. ZACH: I've mastered the maze. I have. At first, I thought I had to go around the maze to make the deliveries, but, dude, it's easier to go through the maze. LUKE: Great, Zach. ZACH: I know. At first, I wrote it down, you know the path, but I don't need it because it's all up here, or in here. Check it out, eyes closed -- it goes left, right, right, left, left, left, right. Wait. Left, left, right... APRIL: Don't give it away. I am dying to go through the maze. I bet it's fabulous. ZACH: It so is. LUKE: Go. APRIL: Go? LUKE: GO through the maze. APRIL: Don't you need help here? LUKE: No, no, go ahead. I don't need you. APRIL: Bye, dad. LUKE: Have a fabulous time. CAESAR: I got a patty-melt burger well-done, Pastrami on rye, chili dog, and three orders of fries. ZACH: I'm good to go, man. You know what I'm gonna do? LUKE: I can't begin to imagine. ZACH: I'm gonna go through the maze at night, all alone, me, a blindfold. You know how I can do it? LUKE: How's that? ZACH: I can smell the hay. LUKE: We can all smell the hay. ZACH: No, dude. I can smell the hay. MAZE [Lorelai alone finding her way, taking a few wrong turns and back tracking, looking a little lost.] LORELAI: Oh, god! Hey. LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: "Hey." Hay. [They both laugh] LORELAI: Oh, you got snacks. LUKE: Yeah, well, Zach forgot these. The hay's kind of gone to his head. Anyway he gave me these directions here. LORELAI: [Gasps] LUKE: So I just go right, left...what? LORELAI: What is that? LUKE: Oh! April gave it to me. LORELAI: You have a bracelet on your wrist. LUKE: She's into jewelry. It's just a phase. What could I do? LORELAI: Uh, wow! LUKE: [Laughs] It's just one of these crazy phases. I was just getting used to the fact I had a daughter. Now all of a sudden, I have a teenager. It's wild. Time just goes by. LORELAI: Luke. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LUKE: Yeah, I'm, uh -- I'm sorry, too. LORELAI: No, no, let me go first. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: I messed up. That night I went to Christopher -- I'm sorry. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: I mean I never admitted it to you that it was wrong what I did, and it was, and I'm really sorry. LUKE: Okay. Thanks. LORELAI: [Sighs] I don't know why I didn't say this before. LUKE: Ah. You know... I'm sorry, too, 'cause... I don't know, it's just... now that I've had April, it's... I've learned a lot, and I was crazy to think that I had to fix everything in my relationship with April before I could really be with you. And that's just not how you fix things. I mean things just don't stand still. They're always changing. LORELAI: Yeah. LUKE: I guess I was compartmentalizing? If that's what you call it. I mean I should have opened my compartments. I should have gotten your help. LORELAI: I wanted to help. LUKE: I know. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, also, because I think I kind of used April to push you away. LORELAI: You did, huh? LUKE: Yeah, I think so. I was afraid, and... I'm so sorry. LORELAI: It's really okay. LUKE: I'm glad. LORELAI: Me too. LUKE: Well, I got some fries that are getting cold. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, well, I got to find my way out of here. LUKE: By the way, you're really close. Just go left, two rights, and you're out. LORELAI: Thanks. TROUBADOUR: [singing] Nothing's gonna break your heart today nothing's gonna steal your light away no even when the skies are turning gray...

During Stars Hollow's annual Spring Fling festival, a huge hay bale maze leads to a chance encounter for Luke and Lorelai, where they apologize to one another and talk about the problems that led to their engagement being called off. As Rory shows Logan around town, Lorelai begins to feel that Logan might be too irresponsible for her daughter. Meanwhile, Rory has a job interview with the Providence Journal Bulletin.

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INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DREAM SEQUENCE (SFX: HEART BEAT QUICKENS B.G.) (DOORS SLIDE OPEN) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS THROUGH THE MORGUE TO THE TABLE) (SFX: ZIPPER) (CUT TO BLACK) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] CLOSE ON MONITOR "REVEILLE"(PHOTOS FLASH ON THE MONITOR) (CAMERA PANS TO GIBBS) ABBY: Wake him up. MCGEE: I don't know. Maybe he needs the rest. ABBY: He's not resting. Look at him. His eyeballs are disco dancing under those lids. MCGEE: Disco dancing? Is that back? ABBY: It's Gibbs. It never left. GIBBS: McGee should have... hours ago. Norfolk office opens in.... twenty four minutes. It's a hundred and ninety three mile drive. MCGEE: I was going to call in. GIBBS: Yeah? And tell them what, McGee? MCGEE: Well uh...that you needed me to work here today. GIBBS: Why do I need you here? MCGEE: Well, because I have an idea on how to speed up the search for him. GIBBS: I'm listening. ABBY: Ooh, Gibbs! I dig 'em! GIBBS: Tell DiNozzo. MCGEE: The database you're scanning has over ten million photos. It'll take a month to check them all. GIBBS: Is your idea to depress me, McGee? MCGEE: No, no, no, no! If we found out his precise age, then we could limit the search to the year he turned twenty one. ABBY: Seventy three percent of U.K. graduates are twenty one. MCGEE: And scanning that year would cut down the search to a couple of days. ABBY: That's a good idea, huh? GIBBS: Oh yeah. Yeah, it's a hell of a good idea. Just one problem. How are we gonna find his age when we don't know who the hell he is? ABBY: Would you be less grumpy if you slept in a bed? GIBBS: No, I would not! ABBY: I didn't think so. MCGEE: The FBI has a software program they use on photos of children that have been missing for years to show what they'd look like today. GIBBS: I know what that asshole looks like today, McGee. McGee: I know you do, Boss. But to create that program the FBI needed age specific criteria. ABBY: So McGee spent half the night using their criteria to develop a program that can tell a person's age from a photo. MCGEE: I used the FBI algorithms for cordiodal strain, pore size, wrinkles, adipose tissue and the length of the nose and ears. ABBY: Which keep getting longer the older you get whether or not you wear earrings so you might as well wear them. GIBBS: This you can do? MCGEE: I just need a couple hours to put it on your hard drive. GIBBS: All right. That's worth a hall pass. I'll call Norfolk. He stay at your place? ABBY: Yeah. GIBBS: Did you sleep in the coffin, McGee? (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) MCGEE: Coffin!? You said it was a box sofa bed. ABBY: Well, it is... sort of. MCGEE: That's why you wouldn't turn the lights on. I can't believe I slept in a coffin. ABBY: Not just slept. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. PARK - DAY JOGGER: Hi. TONY: Hey.(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY JOGS AFTER THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN) TONY: Okay. You're on, baby! You're on!(SFX: TONY CHUCKLES) TONY: Steps. I'll get her on the steps. I'll get her on the steps. (SFX: TONY BREATHES HEAVILY) (SFX: ROTOR BLADES B.G.) TONY: One of those is Marine One. It flies the President. MARTA: Ja? TONY: Ja. German? MARTA: Swedish. TONY: Even better. Do you speak any English? MARTA: Ja. Ciao! TONY: That's funny. Okay. Okay. I gotta get in shape. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY PRESIDENT BUSH: (ON TV) Mister Prime Minister, welcome to the White House. SACHS: What do you think about what Sharon is doing? KATE: Assassinating Hamas leaders or pulling settlements out of Gaza? SACHS: Either. I'm just trying to start a conversation. I'm John. AG department. KATE: Kate. NCIS. SACHS: Hi. Really? KATE: Yes, why? SACHS: I've never seen you. I'm at NCIS twice a month. KATE: You are? SACHS: Yeah. I specialize in actuarial analysis. Hail and storm damage. KATE: What NCIS do you think I'm with? SACHS: National Crop Insurance Service. GIBBS: That's us. Oh, yeah. She's a whiz on how corn losses affect the pork belly futures. (GIBBS WALKS AWAY) KATE: My boss. Weird sense of humor. SACHS: Yeah, I...(KATE WALKS TO GIBBS) KATE: How corn losses affect pork belly futures? GIBBS: Rule number seven. Always be specific when you lie. KATE: Why are you bringing me coffee from your caffeine dealer two blocks away? And don't use rule seven. GIBBS: Do you want that or not? KATE: I take my coffee with milk and sweetener. GIBBS: Taste it. KATE: It's a little strong. GIBBS: Strong's better. KATE: Gibbs, you're making me nervous. Scary scenarios are popping into my head. Like you're here to fire me or to tell me that I'm going undercover as DiNozzo's wife. GIBBS: I want you to profile a terrorist. KATE: What terrorist? GIBBS: The one you couldn't stab. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF KATE FIGHTING ARI) KATE: Ducky tell you that? It's true. GIBBS: Why? KATE: His eyes. I was looking into his eyes and they looked kind. GIBBS: They looked kind when he blew out Gerald's shoulder? KATE: You asked me why I couldn't stab him and I told you. GIBBS: Contrary to conventional wisdom, Kate, eyes can lie. You meet him again, don't forget that. KATE: I won't. I won't! GIBBS: Profile him. KATE: He is not an Islamic fanatic. Never used their rhetoric. No mention of Jihad, Allah, infidels. Whatever drives him, it isn't martyrdom. GIBBS: Revenge? KATE: Could be. Maybe money. GIBBS: A Hamas terrorist in it for the money? KATE: Well, he's not in it for the seventy virgins. He'd have no trouble attracting women. (BEAT) Don't go there. GIBBS: Why money? KATE: I just get the feeling that he lives large. He was well groomed. Manicured nails. Perfect teeth. Salon style hair. Gibbs, what is it with your hair? GIBBS: What's wrong with my hair? KATE: Nothing. Nothing. Your hair is ... you. GIBBS: Yeah, thank you. What else? KATE: He's intelligent. Bold. Willing to take big risks. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - FLASHBACK GIBBS: Why? ARI: Why not?(SFX: GUNFIRE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY GIBBS: Why did he give me a chance to kill him? KATE: He had a flack vest. Knew you'd double tap him in the chest. GIBBS: What if I shot him in the head? KATE: It's a risk he had to take to make his escape plan work. GIBBS: No, he did not. He could have killed me in cold blood. H-R-T comes in, throws a flash bang. Either way he escapes just the same. KATE: You're right. Why'd he give you a shot at him? GIBBS: He needs to face death to feel alive. Maybe to feel anything. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROAD - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ MOTORCYCLE DRIVES FAST) (SFX: TIRES SCREECH) (SFX: CYCLE ENGINE OUT) MARVIN ATWOOD: Nice bike, Mister Craig. ARI: It's a motorcycle. A bike is something one pedals. Smoky Sam? MARVIN ATWOOD: Quad launcher. Four missiles. ARI: Maximum altitude? MARVIN ATWOOD: Fourteen hundred feet. ARI: We dogfight well above that. MCGEE: Unless you're flying ultra lights, Smokey Sam can't hurt you. It's just phenolic paper and Styrofoam. Wannabe aces must pay good money to pretend to dogfight. ARI: They don't pretend. We fly aerobatic aircraft armed with laser guns, smoke emitters, combat sounds in their headsets. It's very real except we don't permit dying. MARVIN ATWOOD: How about pissing their pants? Smokey Sam looks awfully real coming up at you. Navy uses them at Top Gun. MAN: It's all set, Marv. MARVIN ATWOOD: Thanks, Pat. (TO ARI) Want to launch it? ARI: Why not? (SFX: SMOKY SAM LAUNCHES) (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: Good morning, Kate! KATE: That grin can only mean one thing. TONY: And what is that? KATE: You're in love. Again. TONY: You are so right. KATE: What's this one's name? TONY: She's Swedish. KATE: You don't know her name. How can you be in love with someone and not.... I forgot. It's you we're talking about. COMPUTER VOICE: You have mail. TONY: Let's see who misses me today. KATE: Tiffany. Crystal. Fanny. The girls down on the farm. TONY: You hacked into my computer? KATE: No. Ever since you used mine, all I get is p0rn spam. TONY: Like you never opened an x-rated site. KATE: Never. TONY: You know that's sad. KATE: Why? TONY: 'Cause I believe you. Where's the boss? KATE: M-TAC. Talking to Bahrain. Tony, I'm worried about him. TONY: Gibbs? That's like worrying about Jim Bowie in a knife fight. KATE: Bowie was killed at the Alamo. TONY: I know. I saw the movie. KATE: Tony, he's fixated on that terrorist. TONY: Not fixated, determined. Like Tommy Lee Jones in the Fugitive. Like The Duke in the Searchers. Mel Gibson in Payback. KATE: Do you ever read a book? TONY: Kate, determined is good in a cop. KATE: Not when it turns into obsession. Gibbs surprised me at D.C. Beans this morning. He bought me coffee and then he probed me about that terrorist like it happened yesterday, not months ago. TONY: That is serious. He's never bought me coffee. KATE: Tony... TONY: Kate, Gibbs is like a dog. He'll gnaw at an old bone until you throw him a steak. When he's done with the steak, he goes back to the old bone. The terrorist is Gibbs' old bone. KATE: Let's hope he doesn't choke on it. GIBBS: (V.O.) Damn it, Daniel! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Mossad is lying to you. This b*st*rd is too good not to be on their radar. SNYDER: (ON SCREEN/FILTERED) They swear they have nothing. Not even a Hamas code name. GIBBS: Israelis tracked down Sheik Yassin and Rantisi in the heart of Gaza. You cannot tell me that they do not know who this guy is. SNYDER: (ON SCREEN/FILTERED) Gibbs, I can only tell you what they tell me. GIBBS: Any chance he's not Hamas? What if he's someone freelance brought in to clean up their Little Creek debacle? SNYDER: (ON SCREEN/FILTERED) Hamas is like the Mafia. They never trust anyone outside the family. GIBBS: Then Mossad has to have a dossier on him. SNYDER: (ON SCREEN/FILTERED) If they're holding out, it could be to take him out themselves. GIBBS: He's not in the Middle East. He is here. SNYDER: (ON SCREEN/FILTERED) Where'd you get that intel? GIBBS: My gut! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY PRESIDENT BUSH: (ON TV) Thank you. REPORTER: (V.O.) That was President Bush. ARI: (V.O.) The Marines are window dressing. Only the two Secret Service agents on Marine One are armed. Marine One with Bush and Sharon will depart the White House at seven p.m. It will meet two identical Marine helos at the Washington Memorial. All three Sea Kings will then fly to the Potomac and follow it north toward Maryland, switching positions now and then to conceal which of them is Marine One. (ON CAMERA) The flight path to Bear Island is always the same. After that they can fly a number of routes to Camp David. Simi and Abdul will take the Zodiac to Bear Island and set up Smoky Sam in these woods on the south end. I have picked you for this vital mission because every rock you threw as boys at Israeli tanks... has missed. (SFX: CHUCKLES) ARI: And that is good. We want to miss. They can't realize these are training missiles. They must think they've been fired at by shoulder-launched rockets. That scenario requires all of them to execute an immediate emergency landing. Bassam? BASSAM: This field is the only area within miles where they can land as a unit. And when they do... we hit them. We disable Marine One's tail rotor with a rifle grenade, and destroy the other two helos with R-P-G's and capture the butchers Bush and Sharon to exchange for our imprisoned brothers in Israel. SIMI: How do you know which is Marine One? ARI: A bird is going to tell me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: Okay, now make him older than mummy dust. Oh, that's so cool! Okay. Now as a young guy on his first date. He wasn't a late bloomer like you, McGee. Oh, he's so cute!(SFX: MUSIC B.G.) (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) MCGEE: You think so? ABBY: Oh, well not cuter than you. MCGEE: Abs, I'm trying to work. ABBY: Sorry. MCGEE: No, I like it. It's just I can't concentrate. ABBY: Okay. What if I watch from way over here!? GIBBS: What are you doing? ABBY: Nothing. GIBBS: Then do nothing at your desk! ABBY: Gibbs, this is my lab! GIBBS: Desk! Now! Turn off the damn noise! You got his age, McGee? MCGEE: Why, I just got-- GIBBS: Yes or no? MCGEE: No. If you give me a minute I will... I think. GIBBS: You think?! MCGEE: No. Definitely I will. (SFX: BLUEGRASS MUSIC B.G.) ABBY: Better? (SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) GIBBS: That makes him twenty one in nineteen ninety. You keep scanning. MCGEE: You got it, boss. GIBBS: McGee... MCGEE: Yes? GIBBS: If you don't get a hit in three days, I'm going to think this was a ploy to play house! DUCKY: (V.O.) Gibbs was like this... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. D.C. CAF - DAY DUCKY: ...just before his last divorce. KATE: We can't divorce him, Ducky. DUCKY: You wouldn't want to, my dear, no matter how gruff he becomes. TONY: Hey, maybe he'll take his frustrations out on that mysterious redhead instead of us. KATE: Must you talk with your mouth full? TONY: No. KATE: So who was Gibbs chasing when he divorced his last wife? TONY: Had to be a redhead. (KATE HITS TONY) TONY: You're not Gibbs! You do that again and you're going to be wearing that tuna salad. DUCKY: He was after a child murderer. Victim was five. Pretty little thing. A deviate had sexually abused her and then beaten her to death. KATE: Stuff like that makes me sick. Did Gibbs catch him? DUCKY: Oh, yes. But it took nearly a year. By then a second girl had been murdered. Gibbs was a bit difficult to live with for a while after that. TONY: It's her! DUCKY: Who? TONY: The love of my life! (TONY RUNS THROUGH TRAFFIC) (SFX: CAR HORNS HONK/TIRES SCREECH) DUCKY: Oh. KATE: When is he going to grow up, Ducky? DUCKY: It's in the genes, my dear. In Italy most boys Tony's age are still living with Mama. KATE: Oh gosh. Gotta head out. I've got a Gitmo conference in twenty minutes. It was Tony's turn to buy. DUCKY: I'll take care of it. KATE: No, no. DUCKY: My treat. KATE: No, that's not right. DUCKY: Go, Kate. It's been a long pale winter. I need some sun before returning to my human jigsaw puzzle. You don't want to go there. KATE: You're right. Thanks for lunch, Ducky. DUCKY: You're quite welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY (SFX: MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS B.G.) (SFX: CYCLE TIRES SCREECH) (SFX: CAR HORNS HONK) KATE: Federal agent! Follow that motorcycle. (CUT TO BLACK) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Anything? MCGEE: Not yet. I thought I had a hit but there weren't enough points. GIBBS: Well, you trace it anyway, McGee. MCGEE: I did. It's a biology teach in Manchester. I spoke to him. Sorry. GIBBS: Stop apologizing. It's a sign of weakness. MCGEE: Sorry. Right. GIBBS: Where's Kate and Tony? MCGEE: Went to lunch with Ducky. GIBBS: When? MCGEE: About an hour... or so ago. GIBBS: I want "or so" in minutes, McGee. MCGEE: Maybe... maybe fifty. Well, they could be following a lead. GIBBS: Is that what you think they're doing, Agent McGee? MCGEE: Ah, no. I don't. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: This reminds me of a butcher I met in China. JIMMY: He murdered someone and chopped up the body? DUCKY: No, no. Claimed his big toe could predict earthquakes. Said it tingled for hours before a quake struck anywhere in the world. Left foot. Yes, when I assured him that many seismic events occur daily all around the globe, he became very excited - said that explained why his big toe always tingled. JIMMY: Did you point out the fallacy of his logic, Doctor? DUCKY: Oh, no no no. He was so happy. I hadn't the heart. JIMMY: Are you making this up, Doctor Mallard? DUCKY: Good grief, no. When one spends one's career traveling around the globe, one has an unlimited supply of mysterious and intriguing tales. Distal phalange. Right foot, I believe. You're quite rare, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: I am? DUCKY: Yes. Most new assistants would take one look at this lot and head for the loo. JIMMY: Hm. It's just a meat jigsaw puzzle. GIBBS: Ducky! JIMMY: Ah, Gibbs. Look what Special Agent Balboa found for me. GIBBS: Just when I think nothing will surprise me. DUCKY: It's pretty amazing, isn't it? One has to admire the skill despite the depravity. GIBBS: Where did Balboa find him? DUCKY: Oh, this poor fellow was found in a fifty five gallon drum of alcohol beside a dumpster at Bethesda Naval Hospital. He'd been dissected by a sadist with a knowledge of anatomy -- [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY LAB - FLASHBACK ARI: (V.O.) Left ventricle, left atrium. (ON CAMERA) You haven't done an autopsy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Oh Gibbs, I am so sorry. I should have realized. It could have narrowed your search for that b*st*rd who put the bullet in Gerald's shoulder. It only just came to me. GIBBS: What came to you, Ducky? DUCKY: That bugger knew anatomy! I even asked him if he was a doctor. He didn't reply but I'll wager he went to medical school in Britain! GIBBS: Well that wouldn't be hard to find out. Thanks, Duck. DUCKY: Oh, you're more than welcome. I'm just furious that I didn't think of it sooner. GIBBS: Ducky, Kate and Tony come back from lunch with you? DUCKY: No. Tony went off on one of his usual pursuits and Kate had a video conference with Gitmo. (DOORS SLIDE OPEN/CLOSED) DUCKY: Oh, right big toe. JIMMY: We have a right big toe, Doctor. DUCKY: Well, I already gave you a left big toe. JIMMY: I know, Sir. DUCKY: Then how come we have... (PAUSE) ...oh, my! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: McGee, sit down! How long is medical school in the U.K.? MCGEE: Four years. GIBBS: Redirect your search. Medical. Post graduate. Ninety four. MCGEE: He's a doctor? GIBBS: Ducky thinks so. I'm going to MTAC. If DiNozzo comes back put him under house arrest. MCGEE: Me? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY PRESIDENT BUSH: (ON TV) I'm pleased to welcome Prime Minister Ariel Sharon back to the White House. I think you said this is our eighth meeting... (PRESIDENT BUSH CONTINUES B.G.) GIBBS: Where's Gitmo? TECHNICIAN: Standing by, Sir. I'll shift her to the main screen. GIBBS: No, I'll take it on the headset right here. TECHNICIAN: Yes, Sir. GIBBS: Agent Cassidy. CASSIDY: Hello, Agent Gibbs. Where's Agent Todd? GIBBS: He's not here. Why'd she ask for a video conference? CASSIDY: (V.O.) She wanted to discuss the Hamas Little Creek lead I gave her a while back. GIBBS: You couldn't do that on the phone? CASSIDY: She wanted face to face. GIBBS: Anything else? CASSIDY: Nope. Hey, Tony! GIBBS: I'll get back to you later, Agent Cassidy. CASSIDY: (V.O.) Standing by. TONY: Hey boss. Uh... McGee said you wanted to see me. Actually, he said I was under house arrest, but I figured it was just your way of making a point. GIBBS: Do I have to tell you the name of the creek you're up without a paddle? Or how deep it is? TONY: Up to my knees? GIBBS: Ah. So you're familiar with this creek. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY TONY: Boss. I'm sorry I took a long lunch, but I'm not working a hot case so I didn't think... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) What's a hot case to you, DiNozzo? Shadowing a tight ass? TONY: That's not fair, Boss! I put in... GIBBS: War's not fair, DiNozzo, and we are at war. Until I relieve you - which may be any moment now - you will fight that war twenty four seven. That includes sleeping, eating, taking a crap. You got it? TONY: I got it. May I say something? GIBBS: Only if it has to do with me catching that b*st*rd I'm chasing. TONY: It does. GIBBS: Then speak. TONY: Boss, you really need to see Moby Dick. (SFX: GIBBS DIALS THE PHONE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING (SFX: PHONE RINGS) BASSAM: Simi. KATE: It's on the left side - on the belt! BASSAM: Who is Gibbs? (BASSAM HITS KATE) KATE: Ah! BASSAM: Who is Gibbs? KATE: My boyfriend. He calls me when he leaves the office. BASSAM: Where does he work? KATE: Iraq. (BASSAM HITS KATE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STAIRCASE - DAY (GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MARYLAND FARM - DAY (CAR DOOR OPENS/CLOSES) ARI: Caitlin. Did you miss me? (IN ARABIC) Who did this? BASSAM: (IN ARABIC) She was insolent. ARI: I apologize for Bassam's actions. KATE: At least he didn't blow my shoulder out with a nine mil. ARI: Bassam. Undo her cuffs. (TO KATE) How is Gerald? KATE: Still in rehab. He asks everyday if you're dead yet. (KATE HITS BASSAM) (BASSAM SHOUTS IN ARABIC) ARI: Satisfied? KATE: No. He smacked me twice. ARI: Being slapped by a woman is twice the insult to Bassam. KATE: Really? What about being shot by one? ARI: Why did Bassam strike her? SIMI: She would not tell him who was calling her cell. ARI: Oh, Gibbs called you. KATE: I'd better call him back, tell him where I am. He is my boss. ARI: Of course. But first some ice for your lip. Then you may call him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Heard from Kate? MCGEE: No. TONY: I tried her home. Not there. Gonna give her a paddle? MCGEE: Huh? TONY: It has to do with a creek Kate and I are up. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - DAY KATE: You told me I could call Gibbs. ARI: On one condition. KATE: Surprise, surprise. And what am I to say? ARI: You became quite ill after lunch. You went to emergency, where it was diagnosed as food poisoning. They pumped out your stomach, gave you an IV and sent you home. You'll be fine tomorrow. You just need some sleep. KATE: And if I don't say that? ARI: Marta. Tell our guest how you plan to entertain Agent DiNozzo tonight. MARTA: I will put a bullet in the back of his head as I run my fingers through his hair. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Tony's right. Never eat oysters in a month without an R. I'll be fine by tomorrow. TONY: Is she okay? MCGEE: Food poisoning. TONY: Food poisoning? GIBBS: I need coffee. TONY: Well, what's wrong? Other than not catching that Hamas guy. GIBBS: The Hamas guy! The terrorist! The b*st*rd! The ass! We call him everything but his name, DiNozzo. Do you know why? TONY: Because we don't know his name? GIBBS: Because you're not working a hot case. I want his name! I want it today! And don't tell me it's Moby Dick. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) MCGEE: Wow! TONY: Kate's right. I think Gibb's is losing it. You don't really think he meant today, do you? Oh! This slammin' girl that I'm supposed to take out tonight. She's Swedish. MCGEE: Ah... TONY: Has this sweet accent... MCGEE: Tony? TONY: Every Swedish girl I've ever known has always let me... MCGEE: Tony! TONY: What?! (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. MARYLAND FARM - DAY ARI: It is a very nice Chardonnay, Caitlin, and almost perfectly chilled. I wish you'd taste it. KATE: Let her taste it. MARTA: I don't drink. KATE: That's right. Muslims don't use alcohol. ARI: Well, not at home. Perhaps if you thought of this as a weekend house party, with you as the honored guest. KATE: And you the charming host? ARI: Oh, many women find me charming. KATE: You must pay them well. (MARTA LAUGHS) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) We are leaving. Do you know? ARI: (INTO PHONE/IN ARABIC) I will call you. (SFX: CAR ENGINES START) KATE: Do you know what? That's why I'm here, isn't it? ARI: Where is the pea? (ARI SHUFFLES THE SHELLS) ARI: You tell me where the pea is, Caitlin, and I will answer your question. MARTA: Lucky guess. ARI: Was it, Caitlin? KATE: No. Now answer my question. ARI: Once more to satisfy Marta that it wasn't luck. (ARI SHUFFLES THE SHELLS) ARI: I told you, Marta. Do you detect slight differences in the shells? KATE: Why am I here? ARI: To teach me this trick. I am quite serious. (ARI SHUFFLES THE SHELLS) ARI: Amazing. How did they teach you to be so observant? KATE: Who? ARI: The Secret Service. KATE: The President is flying to Camp David with Sharon today. I saw those missiles. You want to know which helo is Marine One to shoot it down! ARI: Those tiny missiles are mere training aids. In any case, I have no intention of shooting down Marine One. KATE: You're a lying b*st*rd. (MARTA LAUGHS) MARTA: Sorry. ARI: Unfortunately, half of that is true. MCGEE: (V.O.) His name is Ari Haswari. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: He graduated from Edinburgh Medical College in ninety four. DUCKY: Good Lord! So did I! Well, a few decades earlier, of course. ABBY: Of course. DUCKY: Extraordinary. I wonder if the College should be informed? TONY: Want to name him an honored alumni? DUCKY: Oh, very amusing, Tony. But not when we have such notables as Lord Lister, Doctor Peter Mark Roget, and Sir Author Conan Doyle. MCGEE: You have some famous alumni, Ducky. DUCKY: We should. The medical college is over four hundred years old. It traces its origins back to seventeenth century barber surgeons who did blood-letting and bone setting-- GIBBS: (OVERLAP) I'll be doing some blood-letting if this huddle isn't work-related. MCGEE: Hey Boss, we got it! ABBY: (OVERLAP) We've got a name! MCGEE: Doctor Ari Haswari. DUCKY: He's a graduate of my old medical school in Edinburgh. GIBBS: That's great work, McGee. What's with his name? Ari is Israeli. Haswari is Arab. ABBY: Maybe his folks are working on some sort of Middle East peace plan. GIBBS: McGee, find someone who knew him in Edinburgh. TONY: Already did, Boss. I spoke to a Doctor Martin Sedwick, Pickford Mews, London. He and Ari were post graduate research assistants at the Edinburgh Centre for Infectious Diseases. TONY: That's why Hamas chose him to recover the small pox virus. Doctor Sedwick said he was quite brilliant, always with beautiful women and always answered to Haswari....never Ari. MCGEE: I think I know why. His father was Doctor Benjamin Weinstein. His mother, Doctor Hosmiya Haswari. They worked in Jerusalem Hospital and never married. ABBY: Ooh. Haswari didn't like his Jewish daddy. GIBBS: Call him Ari. TONY: Ari worked with his mother in a Gaza strip clinic until she died four years ago. ABBY: So he went from doctor to terrorist. MCGEE: Rintizi was a doctor. DUCKY: So was Che Guevara. TONY: Jack the Ripper was a surgeon. DUCKY: He was never caught. That's only a supposition. There's a very interesting theory... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Tony, let's go! McGee, give me a G-P-S search on Kate's cell phone. It's off now but if it comes on I want coordinates. TONY: Kate's at home, Boss. GIBBS: She didn't answer her phone. I don't think she ate bad oysters for lunch. TONY: She had a tuna salad. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN): GIBBS: Tony, that b*st*rd's got her. TONY: Boss... GIBBS: (SHOUTS) He's got her! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. MARYLAND FARM - DAY KATE: There is no way to tell them apart. And if there was I wouldn't tell you. MARTA: Even if it meant your life? KATE: Are you willing to die for what you believe? MARTA: We Hamas prove that every day. KATE: No. Your children do. ARI: Marta, give me her gun. MARTA: We are wasting time. ARI: The gun, Marta. Please. If killing is to be done, I will do it. I believe you, Caitlin. Relax. Have a glass of wine. I don't like to drink alone. MARTA: Haswari! What--! ARI: Caitlin is telling the truth. There is no way to identify Marine One from the others. MARTA: You told me there was. ARI: I lied. (SFX: GUNSHOT) ARI: Women should never get involved in politics. It's a waste of beauty. Call your old friends at the Secret Service. I will tell them all they need to know. Take it. My Hamas are well trained. They won't kill or capture your President and mine. KATE: Your President? ARI: I am Israeli. Mossad. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GIBBS' BASEMENT - NIGHT DEBRA GREEN: (ON TV) A shootout today in Great Falls National Park between FBI Agents and alleged Colombian drug dealers lead to the death of three suspects and the wounding of two Agents. One suspect is reported to have escaped on foot and a wide-spread manhunt is underway throughout the park. GIBBS: Suspected drug dealers, huh? Whose idea was that? FORNELL: Secret Service. GIBBS: Ah, they give Ari his "Get Out of Jail For Free" pass too? FORNELL: No. CIA did that. But all the Directors agreed. Even yours. Ari's father was Mossad. Probably knocked his mother up to get a son with Arab blood. Sent him to medical school to vet him as a doctor in Gaza. This guy's been a sleeper his entire life! GIBBS: I'd love to put him in a coma. FORNELL: Al Qaeda funded this Hamas Op. Ari was just doing what he had to do to make his bones with them. GIBBS: You tell that to Gerald. FORNELL: You forget I lost a man and had three wounded. GIBBS: No. But it seems you did. FORNELL: You know better than that. GIBBS: There is a line, Tobias. That b*st*rd crossed it! You don't make your bones shooting friends! FORNELL: (SHOUTS) What do you want us to do? He's inside Al Qaeda! GIBBS: (SHOUTS) I don't know! (FORNELL COUGHS) FORNELL: (BEAT) How the hell do you breathe in all this dust? GIBBS: I don't. FORNELL: You got anything to wash it down? GIBBS: Oh the top shelf next to the paint stripper. FORNELL: Who drinks bourbon anymore? GIBBS: I do. FORNELL: You got a glass? GIBBS: Use my coffee mug. FORNELL: What about you? GIBBS: I use my coffee mug. You go upstairs and get a glass or... drink out of the bottle. FORNELL: What the hell. (SFX: FORNELL GASPS) FORNELL: I see why you keep it with the paint strippers. GIBBS: It's a hundred twenty five proof. You sip it, Fornell. FORNELL: The Directors want your word that you'll forget about Ari. They think you'll blow his cover. GIBBS: If I got payback, it won't be by blowing his cover. Why are you asking me this and not my director? FORNELL: He refused to. GIBBS: (CHUCKLES) Yeah. All right. On one condition. FORNELL: There's always one condition. GIBBS: I want to speak to him, in a place of my choosing, alone. FORNELL: Nobody's going to go for that. GIBBS: Ari will. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: HEARTBEAT B.G.) (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) (GIBBS WALKS TO THE TABLE) (SFX: ZIPPER) GIBBS: She was beautiful. ARI: Very. GIBBS: Did you make love to her, and then blew her brains out? ARI: She would do the same to me. GIBBS: Why do you do this? ARI: Same reason you do. GIBBS: I don't think so. ARI: Then you are lying to yourself. GIBBS: What now? You go back to the Middle East. You tell them Marta was Mossad, and she blew the op. ARI: Yes. GIBBS: Two op failures in a row. I'd ax your ass if you worked for me. ARI: People who blow themselves apart to kill their enemy have lower expectations. GIBBS: How do you sell Marta as a double agent? ARI: My men the FBI permitted to escape. They know the effort I put into this operation. Buying Smoky Sams, kidnapping Agent Todd so I could identify Marine One. And when they search Marta's apartment, they will find money and documents traceable to Mossad. Hamas will believe me. Al Qaeda is more weary. GIBBS: If they don't believe you, you're dead. ARI: Yes. And if they do, I may learn what they plan as the next Nine Eleven. Would you risk losing that opportunity over pride? GIBBS: It's not pride. ARI: If not pride then what? Love of country? Sense of duty? I'm sure those exist in you. But what burns is pride, my friend. Shalom. (SFX: GUNSHOT) GIBBS: Just wanted to help you convince Al Qaeda. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) (ARI CHUCKLES) (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) (ENDING CREDITS UP) (FADE OUT)

As Gibbs's obsession with tracking down the infiltrator who held Todd and Ducky hostage in "Bête Noire" begins reaching new heights, the team grow more concerned about him. But when Kate is kidnapped and reunited with the terrorist, Gibbs's anger goes into overdrive as he pushes McGee and Tony to find out more information about the man responsible, not realizing that Kate's life might be in great danger.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_06x18

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[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. This scene picks up right where the last episode left off. Joey was finishing cleaning up, and Eddie has just walked into the bar, and stopped in front of here. There was a long pause before anyone said anything.] Joey: Eddie...what the hell are you doing here? Eddie: Right. Um, so Joey: what happened to California? Eddie: Well, it's still there. You know, I just kinda left for a while. Joey: And what happened to school? Eddie: Again, still there. Still standing without me and everything. It's hard to believe, I know. Look, I start in the fall. Everything worked out, Jo. Everything, Jo. I mean, I had this interview, right? And I didn't stutter or stumble or throw up or anything, and they loved my writing, which is just totally, like, surreal because no one has ever loved anything I've done. Except for you. Which is why I'm here. I wanted to say thank you. Because you knew I could do it, and I had no idea. You know, Jo, it's not just because I didn't think I could do it. It's because I didn't see the world that way. You know? It's a place where people get second and third and fourth chances to make something of themselves. Or as a place where... you can be a coward, and hurt someone. Hey. But they still have the decency to see the decency in you. And, Jo, you are the most decent person I know. And you have incredible eyes and the sexiest voice and a smile that breaks my heart. And if I'm gonna be a writer, I need someone like that around. I need you around. What do you say? [She fights the urge to kiss him] Joey: No. No. Eddie: Well, that's not the answer that I'm looking for, really. Joey: Eddie, you walked away. Eddie: I came back. Joey: I moved on. Eddie: Oh. Ok. If that's how you feel, then... ok, I understand. I do. I guess I'll be seeing you, Joey. Joey: I'm sorry. [Eddie turns and walks out, and Joey watches him go.] [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey is lying on her bed trying to read a book, as Harley is going through her closet looking at Joey's clothes.] Harley: Brutal. Do not let your enemies have access to this closet. Tell me this was purchased for some sort of Halloween church lady costume. Joey: It looks much better on. Harley: Keep telling yourself that, sweetie. Joey: You know, perhaps you'd like to focus on the task at hand so you can hurry up and go and leave me to my work. Harley: If you're gonna be chaperoning my semi-formal, I need you to wear something that's moderately hip so I don't look like a freak associating with you. Not like sultry, older woman sexy. [Scoffs] What am I saying? I'd never find anything like that in this closet. Joey: Did I actually agree to this? [She looks at a frilly dress.] Joey: Oh, that's Audrey's. I could borrow it. Harley: No way. You need to look good, but not too good. The men at Milton are weak of constitution and highly susceptible to the wiles of the older woman. So, seeing as it's my night, and my fair-weather, jack-of-no-trades, boyfriend Patrick is going to be there, and he has some sort of unholy attachment to you, we're gonna keep your wiles covered. Under... this lovely subdued dress. [Harley feels the fabric of the dress.] Ew! What is this, rayon? Joey: It's silk. [Harley gives her a dirty look] Blend. Harley: It's perfect. Not too perfect. Joey: Harley, look, I swear to keep my Mrs. Robinson claws off your boyfriend. But can you go? I have a lot of work to do. Harley: Yeah, but do you think I should go pasties or strapless? Joey: Neither! I'm considering investing in a chastity belt for you. Harley: Pushing your buttons, potter. Joey: Out. Harley: I'm out. [She leaves and Joey goes back to reading] [Scene: Jen's bedroom. Jen is looking in the mirror at her disheveled hair in disgust.] Jen: Oh. Heh! I look ridiculous. CJ: No, you don't. You look beautiful and glowing. And definitely like you just partook of your boyfriend. Jen: Great. [They kiss] CJ: And all the more beautiful for it. You Lindley women are something else. You know, Grams broke uncle Bill's heart. That man is a shell of himself. Can't even watch wheel of fortune anymore because Vanna White reminds him of his devastation. Jen: My grams, the black widow. Who knew? CJ: [Chuckles] All right. I should go. Jen: No, you shouldn't. CJ: No. You're the one who made me get out of bed. Jen: I know, but I'm woman enough to admit when I've made a mistake. [She begins to kiss him, and they both stop after several seconds of kissing] Jen: Yeah, you should go. [They begins to kiss again] Jen: Oh, god. You gotta go. CJ: Yeah. Yeah. Jen: All right. Well, um... look, I'll see what I can find out about Grams. CJ: Ok. I'll call you later. Jen: Ok. CJ: Ok. Later. Jen: Bye. CJ: Bye. [Scene: Pacey's Office. Pacey is standing by his desk and hits some buttons on the cell phone on his side, and he has his headset on. Cut to Joey's Dorm room. Joey is studying at her desk, when her phone begins ringing. She looks at the caller ID and sees that it s Pacey, and after a couple of rings, she answers it.] Joey: Hello? Pacey: Hi. Is this Potter's house of pain? Joey: This is mistress Joey speaking. Pacey: I'm glad I caught you. I thought you might have gone out of business. I was expecting you last night. Joey: Yeah, I, um... you know, I finished up at the bar, and I was just exhausted, and... no energy left for the naughty stockbrokers. Pacey: That's ok. I understand. I was kind of tuckered out myself last night. Look, here's what I'm thinking. Last night, we were very old people. But tonight, let's at least pretend like we're young people. Go out late, stumble home very late. What do you say? Joey: I have plans. Pacey: No. Joey: Yeah. I promised Harley I'd do her a favor. Pacey: What exactly does rosemary's baby want? Joey: She wants me to chaperone the Milton semi-formal. Pacey: Would that involve you being in a dress? Joey: Mm-hmm. Pacey: And heels? Joey: Possibly. Pacey: Well, ok. Consider my arm twisted. I'll be there. Joey: [Laughs] What? I mean, really? It's...it's a Friday night. Are you sure? Pacey: I'm sure as rain. Joey: Great. Um, meet me here at 6:00. Pacey: I'll see you there. Shoe shined and suit pressed. [Scene: Pacey's Work Place Pacey has just finished the phone call with Joey and is the only one in the conference room, when Dawson walks past the door, and stops when he sees Pacey.] Dawson: Pacey Witter. Pacey: Dawson! Hi! Welcome to the dream machine, my friend. Can you smell the money growing? Dawson: Uh, if it smells like Drakar Noir, then yeah, big time. Pacey: What are you doing here? [Dawson slams a piece of paper down on the table. It is a check.] Pacey: What's this? Dawson: It's all the money I saved working with Todd. I need you to make it grow. Pacey: I need to slow down for just a second Dawson: Transform that into a respectable budget for an indie film. Coming of age story. No special effects, although I might need a slumming a-list actor looking for some industry credit. You up for it? Pacey: Would you mind stepping into my office for one sec? Dawson: Sure. [They go into his office.] Pacey: You know that thing that I told you I could do for ya? Dawson: Uh, yeah. Pacey: I was actually kind of kidding. Dawson: Well, but, uh--[Whistles] That's what you do for a living, right? Is invest money for other people? Pacey: Shh. Shh. [Whispering] Technically, yes. Dawson: [Whispers] Why are we whispering? Pacey: Because if the guys ever heard me turning down investment money based on moral reasons, I would be professionally castrated. Dawson: What moral reasons? Pacey: I haven't exactly hammered out my mixing friends and business policy yet. Pace, I think we've been through together that we don't have to worry about it getting awkward. Pacey: Well, yes, we've certainly been through awkward, but we've never been through "I'm broke and it's all your fault." Dawson: I'm not worried. I know this will sound disgustingly L.A. Of me, but this whole project just has a really good vibe. Pacey: Because I'm your friend... I'm never gonna tell anybody that you just used the word "vibe". Dawson: I'm serious, man. I just... I made a decision to trust my instincts, and ever since I did, everything's been falling into place. I wrote 20 pages last night. I could barely type fast enough to keep up with the ideas that were coming, and I can't wait to go home and write more. I mean, honestly, the only thing holding all this up right now is you. [Scene: Gram's kitchen. Grams is in the kitchen, when Jen comes down into the kitchen looking for her.] Jen: Grams, grams, grams, we gotta chat. Why'd you drop the hammer on uncle Bill? The man is distraught. Well, apparently, he has sworn off women for life. Of course, if we're speaking frankly, I don't know how long that could actually be. Grams: Jennifer. Jen: You know what's funny, though, is that, well, I'm embarking on a somewhat functional, possibly even fully committed relationship. You, who are 2 generations my senior, are behaving like a fickle teenager. You are breaking hearts left and right. Grams: I most certainly am not. Jen: Ok. Outburst. Perhaps I should be slipping some St. John's Wort into your morning Metamucil. [Grams just gives her a look and leaves] [Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey has gotten dressed in the dress that Harley had picked out for her earlier. She is sitting at her looking at some pictures on her wall. She looks at pictures of her and Dawson, her and Pacey, and finally at a picture of her and Eddie together. There is a knock on the door, and when she opens the door she sees that is Pacey and he is in a Suit carrying two flower boxes.] Joey: Hey. Pacey: Hi. Oh, my lord. You are way too hot to be a chaperone. I think I'm living out one of my teenage fantasies right now. Joey: Well, you look quite comely yourself. Pacey: Oh, this old thing? Nah. Ok, now, in order to make up for our last high school dance experience, in which I did actually buy you a corsage, but then I let it wilt to a lovely shade of brown, I brought you options. In box "a"... we have the corsage for the fun-loving and whimsical Joey-- a carved radish on a bed of baby carrots. And then, option "b"... the corsage for the classic and sophisticated Joey-- roses on a bed of baby's breath, which has a creepy name but is a classic flower. Joey: Well, in honor of the youth with whom we'll be sharing the dance floor, I think I'm gonna go with option "A." The veggies. Pacey: All right. Veggies it is. [He puts the veggie corsage on her wrist] Pacey: [Chuckles] Joey: Cool. And, in honor of the classy guy you are tonight [She pins a rose on him] Pacey: Don't be fooled. It's just a costume. Joey: No, really. You get a rose. It's perfect. Pacey: Shall we? Joey: This'll be fun. Pacey: Yeah. A flashback. [He hugs her from behind after putting her coat on her, and we can see she is somewhat uncomfortable] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The school dance. The school is decorated in with castles and knights. Joey and Pacey walk in together following Harley and Patrick.] Joey: Nice night. Pacey: I just love the smell of secret antiperspirant in the evening. It had to be said. Harley: This whole night bites already. I haven't even gotten to the part where my friends swarm around me and shriek about how much they love my dress. Joey: Harley, you're not the first women in the history of semi-formals to accompany a non-dancing date. Mr. Witter over here was famously uncooperative when it came to the booty shake. Pacey: Hey, I danced. Joey: Under duress. And he broke up with me at our senior prom, so we never had the chance to dance at our own prom. Pacey: Ok. Dirty laundry joke. Let it go. Joey: Had to be said. Patrick: This guy's obviously not of sound mind to hurt the feelings of a babe like you. [Joey and Harley give him a dirty look, and another girl walks up to Harley.] Girl: Harley. Harley: I love your dress! Cute! Harley: Thanks. A little too Aguilera for a school event, but maybe it's just me. Patrick: Just keep it down, all right? Your friend over there might think I'm attached. Harley: I hate you. Joey: Patrick, perhaps you'd like to go over to the punch bowl and retrieve some drinks? I think she might wanna claw your eyes out. [Patrick leaves and Pacey takes the opportunity to compliment Harley.] Pacey: Have you ever noticed how much that dress brings out your eyes? Harley: No. Pacey: Oh, well, it does. You look so pretty tonight, and I bet if you and I were to step out on the dance floor, you would be, by far, the most beautiful woman on it. Harley: Duh. [Harley and Pacey go off to dance. Patrick comes up from behind Joey and goes to stand closely next to him] Joey: Ahem. Patrick: What? Oh, beverages. I was wondering why I went over there. [He holds out his arm and they head out to the dance floor] Patrick: You know, I should tell you that I happen to be close, personal friends with Woody Kulchak, who has snuck in a bottle of pea schnapps tonight. So, if you'd like this dance to be truly magical, I could arrange for cocktails for 2 underneath the bleachers. Just give me the word. Joey: No. [She leaves him alone] Patrick: Think about it, babe. [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is in hit Family bedroom. He is hanging several of his old movie posters back on his walls, when Gale comes upstairs and walks into his room.] Gale: Hey, what's all this? Dawson: Ah. Returning to my youth for inspiration. Have you seen my hook poster? Gale: Um, no, not recently. Uh, maybe you could check the attic. So, now that you are revisiting 15, does that mean I have to start paying you an allowance again? Dawson: I don't ever recall you giving me an allowance. Gale: What are you gonna do for money? Dawson: It's fairly inexpensive to live at home. Hence the living at home. Gale: Ah. Meaning that you don't plan to contribute to the household expenses. Dawson: Well, I absolutely can... if you want me to. I mean, I can get a part time job or... I'll baby-sit Lily. That way you don't have to pay somebody else to do it. Gale: That's not what I'm getting at, Dawson. Dawson: What are you getting at? Gale: What I'm wondering is how do you intend to make money in the long term? What's your plan? Dawson: All right. Um... the plan is write this movie, shoot it, finish it, send it off to festivals. Hopefully it'll be good enough to get picked up and distributed and will make enough money to then finance my next project. Gale: I mean what's your backup plan? If directing doesn't work. Dawson: What do you mean, if directing doesn't work? Gale: Making a living as a film director is a one in a million chance. Now, I know you don't wanna hear this, but... you need to be practical. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is sitting in front of his computer and he is having writers block. He is simply staring at the screen of his laptop, unable to figure out how he wants to start. He stares at it for a while, then begins to type Open with then quickly erases it, and stares at the screen again. He is running trough things in his mind and each time he is about to start typing he stops. He finally gives up and leaves his room.] [Scene: The school dance. Harley is dancing with some guy while Patrick watches her dance with a look of jealousy in his eyes. Harley is just looking over at Patrick loving the jealousy.] Jamie: Then I got bumped up to junior varsity when Cy Watson tore his achilles. Harley: [Laughs] Jamie: Well, you probably heard that I was all-state last year, because, you know, I mean, I'm a good outside shooter, and I can dunk, which is good for somebody my age, and I'm a good passer. But, I mean, I've always been really good. I score, like, 30 points a game. [Cut to the Punch bowl, where Joey and Pacey are getting some punch.] Pacey: What kind of school dance actually has a punch bowl? Joey: A schmancy private school dance. Pacey: Well, I hope for the sake of all involved, that some intrepid student has spiked this punch, or else it kinda loses out on its clich value. Joey: Hmm. Pacey: Speaking of, when do we get our picture taken in front of the tropical mural? Joey: That would be prom. Pacey: Right. Blocked prom out. Joey: As you should. It wasn't exactly your finest hour. Pacey: Well, I was troubled back then. You know, James Dean type. Joey: You were a dumbass. Pacey: Was I at least a mysterious dumbass with smoldering s*x appeal? Joey: Dumbass. Pacey: Ok, fine. I can accept that. 'Cause now I'm a happy dumbass. I got a second chance. [He kisses her shoulder, and she is very uncomfortable] Joey: Pace, we should Pacey: Fine. Fine. [Cut back to Harley and Patrick. Patrick is wrestling with the guy that Harley was dancing with.] Harley: Patrick, let go of him! Let go of him! Patrick: Why should I? You guys were dancing pelvis to pelvis like it was going out of style. Harley: It was my only recourse after you failed me in every way! Jamie came to my aid! Patrick: Jamie is not your date! I am! Harley: In name only! Did you do one date-like thing the entire night? Patrick: This is date-like! [Cut to Joey and Pacey. Joey sees the fight going on and turns to Pacey.] Joey: Are you gonna do something? Pacey: Oh, yeah. Of course. Of course. It's just so funny. [She gives him a dirty look.] Pacey: Ok. Ok. [Pacey goes and gets himself in between the two of them] Pacey: Ok, ok, ok. Hey, break it up. [Pacey pushes them apart from one another.] Pacey: Hey, guys. Harley: That's how you win my heart? By trying to give the guy a wedgie? Patrick: It's called the krav maga, and J.Lo used it in enough. Jamie: Hey, it's patty from the block. [Crowd laughs] Pacey: You walked right into that one, bud. Patrick: Yeah, that wasn't even funny, buddy. Pacey: Ok. Jamie: Come on. Your girlfriend liked it. Patrick: Oh, yeah?! [Patrick takes a swing at the other buy and ends up hitting Pacey in the ear.] Pacey: All right! [Scene: The Girls Bathroom. Joey and Harley are in the bathroom by the sinks, and Harley has been crying and her mascara has smeared across his eyes.] Harley: Look at me! I look completely hideous. Joey: No, you don't. You look like a rock star. Harley: Are you kidding? Joey: You have the whole smoky eye look going. Harley: Where's he whose name shall not be spoken? Joey: Oh, he's in the boy's bathroom with Pacey, getting cleaned up. Sort of. Harley: Did he ask about me? Joey: I was there briefly. Harley: Was he with other girls? Joey: It was the boy's bathroom. Harley: Which is where we had our first kiss. Hello? [Cut to the Boy's bathroom. Pacey and Patrick are in there talking] Pacey: I'm all for the grand romantic gesture, but next time, instead of flailing around wildly, why don't you just tell her that you like her? And then, if you still feel the need for throwing a punch afterwards, pick an enemy your own size. Like an opossum. Patrick: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like you're the rock, or something. Pacey: Hey, hobbit, at least I can grow facial hair. Patrick: What do you call this? Pacey: Lint. [Cut back to the girl's bathroom] Harley: Look at me! I'm crying in the bathroom. Joey: And thus carrying on an age-old tradition of women crying in the bathroom. I did it in high school. Harley: Listen, Joey, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but my high school experiences shouldn't really be the same as yours, or I'm doing something terribly, terribly wrong. Joey: Sorry, kiddo. But that's just how it goes with the high school dance. You buy the dress, you mess with the hair, you pose for the picture, you think your date is finally gonna say all the things you've been dying for him to say, and no. Inevitably, you end up in the girl's bathroom crying. [Cut back to the boy's bathroom] Pacey: Look, you like Harley, right? Patrick: She has her strong points. Ok. I mean, as long as we're talking man to man, yeah, I like her. A lot. Pacey: Well, good. Congratulations, man. 'Cause true feelings for a woman, that's about the best experience you're ever gonna have. I mean, it'll make you strong, it'll make you stupid, and it will definitely take you closer to being the man you want to be. [Cut back to the girl's bathroom] Harley: What do boys have to suffer through? Joey: Thinking they're gonna have s*x afterwards and being sorely disappointed. Harley: Well... Joey: Don't even think about it. I know! Harley: Relax. [Cut back to the boy's bathroom] Pacey: Don't be afraid to be nice to her. Patrick: Oh. So, by nice to her, you mean... Pacey: I mean tell her that you like her shoes. Patrick: Oh, and her, uh Pacey: Tell her that you like her, idiot. [Pacey hits him on the back of the head] Patrick: Ow. [Patrick pushes him] Pacey: Hey. Don't push me. Patrick: Oh, yeah? [Patrick runs in and tries to tackle Pacey with little effect.] Patrick: Let's see what's up! [Cut back to the girl's bathroom] Harley: So, you've honestly had a bad time at every dance you've gone to? Joey: Yeah. Except this one. This one was... nice. Harley: Well, I'm glad someone had a good time. [Cut back to the boy's bathroom. Pacey and Patrick are still wrestling a little, when Joey opens the door and sees them. They quickly stop] Joey: Hello? Everything ok? Patrick: Yeah, fine. Pacey: Yeah, everything's good in here. Joey: Just checking. [Joey leaves] Patrick: Yeah, I don't know why I should be taking advice from you. Like you're some kind of Yoda when it comes to the chicks. Pacey: Have you seen my date? Patrick: Tell me more, sensei. [Scene: Gram's Living room. Grams is sitting on the couch knitting when Jen comes walking into the living room carrying a phone.] Jen: That was for you. Grams: Yes? Jen: The phone. Grams: Yes? Jen: Um...dr. Loomis' office calling to confirm your appointment tomorrow at 12:30. Dr. Loomis isn't your regular doctor. How come I've never heard his name before? All right. Something is going on with you, and I demand to know what it is. Grams: Jennifer, if you are looking for mystery or drama, you'd best take your search elsewhere. Jen: I'm sorry. I'm not going to let you keep this secret. I've lived with you for 5 years, and every time that I've tried to mope my way around the house, you've insisted that I come clean for the common good. So... now it's your turn. Grams: All right. Dr. Loomis is an oncologist. I am seeing her because there is a malignant tumor in my breast. I will be starting a round of radiation therapy next week because the growth has spread beyond the point where surgery would be effective. Jen: Are you talking about breast cancer? Grams: Yes. Jen: Oh, my god. Grams: Yes. Would you be a dear? Go turn the oven down. I don't want the crust to burn. [Jen just is staring at her. Tears welling up in her eyes.] Grams: Jennifer, I told you what it is. Now please, just go. [Jennifer is trying to keep from crying, and Grams puts her book down and gets up.] Grams: Very well. I'll do it myself. [Grams goes into the kitchen, and Jen is just sitting there in shock, ready to cry.] [Scene: Outside the School dance. Pacey is outside looking out into the night, when Joey comes out to join him.] Joey: Hey. Ooh. Pacey: Yeah, I know. Kids today, huh? Joey: That damn rap music. Pacey: And those baggy pants. Even with the damage to my unsuspecting eardrum, I did think that tonight was quite nice. Quite nice. Joey: Yes. Quite. Perfect. It was... it's been a perfect night. [He leans closer like he is going to kiss her] Joey: Pace? I can't do this. Pacey: You can't do what? Joey: Even when everything is perfect, being with you doesn't feel right, and I'm sorry. Look, everything tonight-- I mean, tonight was lovely and fun and... you've become this... I mean, this amazing man, but it doesn't... I'm sorry. I don't... I don't feel it. And I can't do this with you. Pacey: Ok, Joey, just slow down for a second. Joey: No, Pace, it's... it's true and... I'm sorry. Pacey: So what, you're scared. Right? You're scared. And so am I, believe me. And I'm scared because I don't know where this thing is going, Jo. As in, I think it could go anywhere. This could be it. Joey: It won't be. Pacey: How could you possibly know that? I mean, really. Last week, you're onboard, and now you're just psychically telling me that this could never be something great. You can't possibly know that, because we don't know that, Joey. Joey: And I'm sorry. I know that this is such a horrible thing to say. Pacey: But how? How could you know? And when did you make this decision, tonight? I mean, I thought tonight was going great. Joey: It was. It was great. Pacey: So then when? And don't tell me that you're not scared, because I know that you are. I mean, I've known you too long and seen you push away too many good things to let you push me away right now. My whole life, Joey, my whole life you have been the most beautiful thing in my orbit. And my feelings for you were what proved to me that I could be great. And those feelings were stronger and were wiser and more persistent and more resilient than anything else about me. Joey: Pacey, stop. Pacey: Jo Joey: Pacey! Pacey: When I was afraid of everything, I was never afraid to love you, and I could love you again. I could. I'm tell you, this could Joey: Pacey, no. Pacey, stop! Eddie came back. I'm sorry. He came back last night. He came to the bar Pacey: Oh. Ok. Joey: Look, I'm sorry [Pacey goes back inside, leaving Joey alone.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's bedroom. Dawson is sitting at his desk and has hit laptop open and a word processing file open, but there is nothing on the screen. After a while he leans back dejected. He reaches over and grabs the remote and turns the TV on, and his movie Creek Days begins playing on the screen] Gale: Hey. I brought you some coffee since you're burning the midnight oil, and a turkey sandwich. Protein. Dawson: Thanks, mom. Gale: Ah, your early work. You really are feeling nostalgic. Dawson: Ah, well... I don't know. In those days it wasn't just me alone in front of a computer screen, you know? I mean, I had people pitching in. I had a whole support system. [Turns off television] Gale: So how is your script coming? Dawson: Great. Great. It's, uh... well, actually, you know what? It's not so great right now. Look, mom, there's something I've got to tell you. Um... I don't have a back-up plan... and I won't ever have one. I'm going to be a director, and I don't want to have anything to fall back on, because there's nothing else that I want to do. Gale: It's not always about what you want. Dawson, you grow up, and life isn't what you thought it was going to be like when you were a kid. Dawson: I agree. And you're right, being a director is a child's dream, and that's how I know that it's real. Because it's what I wanted to do before I knew how to be scared or cynical. Gale: Ok, honey, what about college? At least go back. Finish film school to make sure that you're committed to this thing. Dawson: Mom, please. If a year of fetching lattes and cajoling actresses out of their trailer to act in front of a green screen didn't kill my desire to make movies, nothing will. I know that. And I don't need to spend $60,000 of this family's money to figure that out. I mean, making movies is... it's my life. And I need you to believe that I'm that one in a million who's going to make it, because I do. Gale: Honey, did I ever tell you the story about the time your father decided to make chewing gum on our kitchen stove? Dawson: Please tell me you're kidding. Gale: No. He was going to sell it to local gift shops. And I won't get into anything beyond the fact that it was a sticky mess and we had to shave part of your head once dad decided to make you sous-chef of the strawberry division. Dawson: You shaved my head? Gale: Part of your head. You were 5. It was the eighties. We told you it was punk. [They laugh] Dawson: That's great. Gale: Anyway, I'm just... well, I'm bringing it up because your dad had a lot of harebrained schemes, and I was always convinced that the gum one was based on Charlie and the chocolate factory, which was his favorite book as a child. But he wouldn't admit it. Dawson: Ok, this one's a little more subtle than some of your other life lessons. Gale: Dawson... your dad's pipe dreaming, it drove me right up the wall. But it was also one of the things that made me fall in love with him. Because, like you, he had the courage to believe that life could be as great as you think it could be when you're a kid. So you get what I'm saying? Dawson: Would you like me to watch Lily for you? Gale: Yeah. And then go jump off the cliff. Only metaphorically, of course. Dawson: Mom... Gale: I'm your mother. I can't help it. [She notices a small temporary tattoo of a rose leaning against the laptop screen.] Gale: Ooh. Apparently... you liked my little metaphor about things that fade. Dawson: Actually, I just thought it was cool that there were people in this world who would give you the prize out of their cracker jack box. Gale: It's because I love you, honey. [She leaves] Dawson: Hmm. [He looks around his room, at different pictures of him and all his friends and gets up and grabs his laptop and begins frantically typing away] [Scene: Gram's kitchen. Grams is making some dough on the counter, and rather roughly throwing and needing it on the counter, when Jen comes down and you can tell she has been crying.] Jen: Ok. There is nothing wrong with being scared. It's perfectly natural. Grams: Being scared does no one any good. Jen: Ok. So what do I do to help? Grams: Well, you can fetch me the butter from the top shelf of the refrigerator. Jen: I wasn't referring, um... to this culinary exercise in displaced energies. I mean you. I mean, what do I do to help you? You're going to need somebody to drive you to treatments, and I can do that. I can cook meals in advance, Tivo 60 minutes, and when you get bored, Jack and I are going to act out scenes from Moulin Rouge for you. Grams: Jack can have nothing to do with this, nor can you, Jennifer. This is my own personal business, and I can take care of it myself. Jen: Well, what about me? I mean, who's goin to take care of me? I mean, you're my grandmother, the person I love most in the world, and you're sick, and I'm the one who's scared. Grams: Look, Jennifer, this is not a death sentence. Now... many people my age, they have one round of radiation therapy and they live long happy lives in remission. Jen: Ok, so let's talk about that. Hmm? Grams: Oh, Jennifer... Jen: But can we at least just start talking? Grams: Jennifer... I am not ready to die yet. Come here. [They hug and cry in hear other's arms] Grams: Do you hear me? Hmm? Do you? [Scene: The school dance. Almost everyone is gone now and Patrick and Harley are slow dancing together on the very empty floor now.] Patrick: And as my fist was rocketing towards his neck, I was just, like, you know, Patrick, you're a lover, not a fighter. Harley: That last part was pretty obvious. And as for the first part... Patrick: You mean the lover part? Harley: Not a chance. Patrick: Oh. Well, I didn't mean it literally. Well, yeah, I did, but... you know, that's not the reason I'm at the dance with you. I'm at the dance with you because if I weren't, you'd be with some other guy, and that would kill me. Harley: Because you like me? Patrick: Yeah. Harley: Nice speech. Pacey teach you that? Patrick: Yeah. Yeah, that and how to unhook a bra with one hand. Harley: Try it and you'll have one hand left. [Scene: The school Dance. The empty Bleachers. Joey is sitting alone watching as Harley and Patrick dance. Slowly she looks up and a hand comes into the screen, and it is Pacey.] Pacey: If memory serves, I owe you a dance, Ms. Potter. [They dance for a little while with sadness in both of their eyes and when the song ends, Pacey walks off leaving Joey alone on the dance floor. Joey just stands there looking down at the floor.] [Scene: Outside Eddie's House. A cab pulls up and Joey gets out. She slowly makes her way up to the door. After fighting with herself for a little bit she knocks on the door, and Eddie opens it.] Joey: You're probably wondering what the hell I'm doing here. [He comes out to join her on the porch. She kisses him passionately and he pulls her to him and they continue kissing] Joey: [Chuckles] Hi. Eddie: Hi. [They begins kissing and are happy to be in one another's arms again.]

Jen's seemingly happy world comes crashing down when she learns that Grams has breast cancer. Meanwhile, Joey's tumultuous love life continues when Eddie reveals his true reasons for returning to Boston, and Pacey agrees to join Joey as she chaperones for Harley's school dance, but what should be a magical night doesn't feel right for Joey. Although he is at first reluctant, Pacey agrees to invest Dawson's life savings to finance his new film project.

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[Scene: Street. Prue and Phoebe pull up in the car. They get out and start walking.] Prue: Alright, it should be around here somewhere. Phoebe: And you can't be more precise about what it is? Prue: Okay, I told you, it's some sort of evilly thing. Phoebe: Why'd I let you talk me into this? I should be at home encrastinating my delinquent ethics paper, not chasing some wild goose. Prue: Wild demon, okay? And I was scrying for unnatural activity and this place came up loud and clear. Phoebe: Wait a minute, are you telling me you're actually looking for trouble now? Prue, what happened to putting more balance in your life? You know, less Wicca wonder, more Prue. Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night, and then this morning I am searching for evil. You can't get more balanced than that. Phoebe: Right, just your typical everyday cosmo girl. Prue: Well, you and Piper don't need me anymore, so that leaves me plenty of time to help those who do. Phoebe: Is that what you think? That we don't need you anymore? Prue: Well, I mean, it's just that ever since Piper got married and you moved up with Cole, I feel like I don't really have to watch out for you guys as much anymore. Phoebe: Prue, this is a good thing. Prue: Yeah. (Prue looks over at a dumpster.) I think that's it. Phoebe: Good. Prue: Alright, on the count of three. One, two... (She uses her power to open the lid of the dumpster.) Phoebe: Oh my god! (She runs over to it.) It's the coffee maker I wanted. (She pulls out an empty box.) Prue: Phoebe, it's just a carton. Phoebe: Oh, right, of course. See, I need you. You just protected me from making a fool out of myself. Prue: Now there's a full time job. Phoebe: Thank you very much. (They continue walk down the street.) Prue: Hey, so, how's Cole? I haven't seen him in a while. Phoebe: Oh, he's been dodging demonic bounty hunters. You know, but he still manages to shimmer into the bedroom when he has a chance. Pops in and then pops right back out if you know what I'm talking about. Prue: Huh, I vaguely remember. Phoebe: Even though I'm really happy to see him, it's starting to raise old issues for me. Like, does he really love me or is he just interested in my... charms? Prue: Oh, Phoebe, come on, you know that for a magical fact that he loves you. Alright, and think how many times he's risked his life to save you. I don't think that's just s*x. Phoebe: Yeah, but what about if it was really, really great s*x. Prue: Well... (They hear voices coming from an alley.) Seek and you shall find. [Cut to the alley. Two men are there arguing. One man is holding a small crystal box.] Man #1: Please, just one more. Man #2: I told you! (He pushes man #1.) What you want is no longer in this box. Man #1: I need more! Won't you understand? I've gotta have more! Man #2: You can never get enough greed, can you? (Man #2 throws a fireball at him and he flies against a dumpster. Prue and Phoebe run over to them.) Prue: Hey! (She uses her power on man #2. He drops the box.) Man #1: The box. (The two men both dive for the box. Prue uses her power and the box slides across the room. Man #2 tries to get up and Phoebe kicks him in the face.) Man #2: That box belongs to Lucas. Phoebe: Yeah, well, tell Lucas it's been empoun... (he disappears) dered. (Prue goes over to man #1.) Prue: Hey, it's okay, it's over. Man #1: No, gotta have more. Don't you understand? I've gotta have more! (He pushes Prue out of the way and runs onto the road.) Prue: No! (The man is hit by a bus.) Opening Credits [Scene: On the street. Continued from before. The police are questioning witnesses. Darryl goes over to Prue.] Prue: Hey. Darryl: Hey. Prue: Did you find out anything? Darryl: Nothing unusual. Unfortunately we get the kind of suicides all the time. Prue: Darryl, this was not a suicide, okay? He was driven into the street, demonically driven. I think that I can recognise the signs by now. Darryl: Alright, it's Robert Pike. He was married with two kids. Worked for Brickson investments at a stock broker. Very successful. Prue: The demon accused him of being greedy. I wonder if there's a connection? Darryl: It's hard to believe. It seems like Mr. Pike wasn't your typical stockbroker. From all accounts was more of a philantphalist. He even hosted a fundraiser for the American cancer society just last night. Prue: Well, he must have changed in a hurry because when we saw him, all he cared about was a box. Darryl: What box? Prue: This one. (She opens her bag and he looks inside.) Darryl: What is it? Prue: I don't know, but whatever it is, apparently it's worth dying for. [Cut to Phoebe being interviewed by a cop.] Cop: In your opinion, was there anything the bus driver could have done to avoid him? Phoebe: No, it happened too fast, he didn't have time to react. Cop: Alright, I think that's it. If I could just have your home phone number in case I have any other questions. Phoebe: It's the same as my sister's. We live together. Cop: Really? Just out of curiosity, what would you say if one of my other questions was, can I take you out to dinner? (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: Ooh, you caught me off guard with that one. Cop: That's my job. Phoebe: Uh, well, you're very good at it. Um, but I-I think that it would be best if those numbers stayed in the report. I'm seeing someone. Cop: I'm not surprised. Darryl: Officer. Cop: Excuse me. (Phoebe walks over to Prue.) Phoebe: Are you okay? Prue: Um, I don't know. I keep on thinking about what we could have done differently to try and save him but he ran into the street so fast, and... Phoebe: We couldn't have saved him, Prue. Not without knowing more about the demon who did this to him. (The coroners take the body away.) Prue: Lucas. To find him we have to find out what's so special about this box. [Scene: Lucas' place. Lucas has Man #2 up in the air by the neck.] Lucas: Do you have any idea how important that box is? Man #2: I thought you were working on controlling your anger. Lucas: I am controlling my anger! (He drops the man. The man holds up a crystal.) Man #2: At least we got the business man sold, Lucas. Lucas: Yes, but I need to deliver seven souls for seven sins. Man #2: Can't you just locate the box? Lucas: Yes, but I have to figure out a way to get around the witches first. Thanks to you. You know, my own self destruction was supposed to bring me peace from sin. Instead, I am damned to spend eternity inflicting others. Man #2: You gotta know the product to move it. Lucas: I know the product. I know how sin works human desire. Which might be exactly the way to get to the witches. Yeah, sure, why not? Witches have human desires too, right? (He laughs.) You know, there's only one thing that I can't quite figure out. Why do I need you? (A bright light shoots out of his hands and flies into Man #2. Man #2 disappears in a ball of flames.) I needed to vent. [Scene: Manor. Prue and Phoebe walk inside. Prue gets the box out of her bag.] Phoebe: Don't open that. Let me go get Piper first. Prue: Why? Phoebe: Oh, gee, Prue, I don't know. Maybe so you don't go running in the street and get hit by a bus too. (Phoebe goes in the kitchen where Piper is making sushi.) Piper, we need... Wow. Expecting company? Piper: Uh, no, I was just making Leo a little something to eat. You know, break up his day. Phoebe: And something to take up all of yours? Piper: Well, sushi don't roll itself. Besides, I like taking care of him and cooking for him and dressing up for him. I was actually thinking of going out and buying him a whole new wardrobe. You know, de-flannel him a little. Phoebe: What, you afraid you're gonna lose him? Wait, are you? Piper: Well, I'm certainly not gonna give the Elders any excuse to take him away again, that's for sure. Phoebe: No, Piper, they wouldn't do that. You guys are married now. Piper: So, there is nothing in those wedding vows that says they still can't break us apart. Besides, I don't wanna be complacent about my marriage. Neither he nor they are gonna find any fault in me. Phoebe: Well, they might find fault in us. Prue and I lost an innocent this morning, so we need you. (They walk into the living room. Prue is looking closely at the box.) Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Prue: Uh, opening the box. Phoebe: You're supposed to be waiting for me and Piper. Prue: Okay, so you're here. I'm gonna open it. (Phoebe takes it off her.) Phoebe: What if you unleash some huge abomination? Prue: Whatever it is, I'm sure that we can handle it. Piper: But at least I think we should call my husband and ask his opinion first. Prue: Okay, but we didn't need his opinion before when he was just Leo. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: You called? Prue: No. Phoebe: But as long as you're here. Box. Intercepted from a demon. Open it? Yay or nay? Leo: Have you checked the Book of Shadows? Piper: No. But that's a great idea. Leo, you're a genius. What would we do without him? Prue: Oh, I don't know. I guess our lives wouldn't be this smooth running, carefree existence that they are today. Piper: Oh, uh, Phoebe, your ethics professor called about your meeting today at 2:00. Phoebe: Well, obviously I can't make it now. Prue: No, no, no, you should go. I mean, you're too close to graduating to mess up now. The three of us can handle the box. Phoebe: Are you sure? Prue: Yes, go. Although, you might want to change into, oh, I don't know, clothes. Actual shirt. (Phoebe looks down at her open vest, showing most of her bra.) Phoebe: Okay. Prue: Okay. That's very... let's go. (They all go upstairs.) [Time lapse. Attic. Prue, Piper and Leo are there. They have the Book of Shadows opened up to a page on 'The Seven Deadly Sins'.] Prue: 'Bottled at the Source by the Source.' So what, it's a box of sin? Piper: Good thing you didn't open it. It would have been Pandora all over again. Leo: Not quite. But this may be how the myth got started. Only it's much more specific type of attack. According to this, the box contains seven balls of sin used to corrupt paragon's good. Piper: If you're a paragon of good, how do you get corrupted? Leo: Because no one is immune to sin. Whether it be pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed or sloth. Whichever one you're predisposed to, is the one that attacks you. Prue: Well, the business man must have been attacked by greed, that's why he kept on wanting more. Leo: Only his greed was magnified a thousand times. Prue: And it explains why my scry worked. I felt the unnatural activity was the demon courier. But it must have been the sin working against the businessman's good nature. Piper: Okay, so what do we do now? Leo: Well, the infector appears to be the link. Destroy Lucas and the sins lose their power. Prue: Do we know anything about these infectors? Leo: Only that they were humans consumed by sundering life and in death. Piper: So what we need to do now is find a spell to remove the sin from the infected human incase Lucas strikes again, right? Prue: You can't remove sin magically or otherwise. It's apart of all of us. Piper: Even you? Prue: Yes, even me. Just a teeny little bit. Nothing that anyone would notice but me. [Cut to downstairs. Lucas appears and picks up the box. Phoebe comes down the stairs.] Phoebe: Okay, you guys, wish me luck. (She sees Lucas.) Hey. Lucas: It's okay. I think you're gonna like this one. (A sin ball hits Phoebe. Prue, Piper and Leo come down the stairs. Three more sin balls hit them. Lucas disappears.) Phoebe: What was that? What just happened? Piper: Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with the sin thingy. Phoebe: What do you mean? (to Prue) What is she talking about? Prue: Okay, nobody panic. Does anybody feel different? Leo: No. Piper: Me neither. Phoebe: Uh-uh. Prue: Alright, so maybe we're immune because we're magical. Leo: I don't know, I better orb up and ask. Prue: You do that. Piper and I will go recheck the book, and you missy, you get your butt to that meeting and charm the pants off of your professor. Go, and get home as soon as possible. (Prue pushes Phoebe out the door. Phoebe tries to protest.) No, I'm sure, go! [Scene: College. Phoebe's professor's office. Phoebe is sitting in a chair.] Professor: The problem is, it's an ethics course, it's about the dialectic. So when someone misses as many classes as you have, it's hard to catch up. (Phoebe sighs and rubs her forehead.) Are you okay? Phoebe: I don't know. Professor: Plus, you owe me a major paper, and if I don't get it soon... Phoebe: What are you gonna do to me? Professor: I'll have to give you an incomplete. I'll have no other choice. Now, do you have anything else to say to me? Phoebe: I'm not wearing any underwear. Professor: Excuse me? Phoebe: Yeah, I find it to... constricting. Professor: Are you making some kind of a joke? Phoebe: No, I'm serious. Dead serious. (She stands up.) I've been a bad girl. A very bad girl. (She slowly moves closer to him.) And I'll do anything to make it up to you. I'll do anything to pass. Anything. (She grabs him and they fall over the desk onto the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is sitting at the table talking on the phone, and flipping through a magazine.] Piper: Ah, no, that'll be it. Just the two Armani suits size 42, the Donna Karan dress, the three pairs of Stuart Weitzman shoes, the Wong Gucci jacket and the Prada bag. What's the total? (Prue walks in.) Prue: Alright, we don't have much time... Piper: Shh! I'm on the phone with Bloomingdales. (on the phone) Oh, okay, um, well, then I'm gonna have to split that on two credit cards. You can put $5000 on the card that's on file, and the re-- (Prue hangs up the phone.) What are you doing? Prue: Uh, saving your life or at least your credit rating, which is your life. Piper: Excuse me, Leo needs suits. Prue: Leo doesn't wear suits. Piper: Yet. (Piper picks up a wine glass and has a sip.) Prue: A-a-are you drinking in the middle of the day? Piper: I was a little bummed about this sin thing, so I thought I deserved a little indulgence. Would you like a bit of bubbly? Prue: No, I would like a little bit of help. We are supposed to be tracking down Lucas. Piper: Sorry. Catch me up. (Prue sits down.) Prue: Alright, so it turns out that those sin balls work a lot faster than we thought. Once infected, the victim only has a few hours before it drives them to a total self destruction. Piper: Well, good thing we weren't infected then, huh? (Piper picks up a chocolate and takes a bite.) Prue: Right. But now that Lucas has the box, the question is who will be. I mean, I tried scrying for unnatural activity but it just kept pointing back to the manor. (Phoebe runs in.) Phoebe: Guess what? My ethics professor kicked me out of class. Prue: What? Why, what happened? Phoebe: I don't know, I don't know. One minute I was telling him why my paper was late, the next thing I knew was... unzipping his pants with my teeth. Prue: Oh, Phoebe, you do know that charming the pants off someone is just a figure of speech, don't you? Phoebe: I don't know what came over me, Prue. I'm just glad that I realised what was happening before I... eww! Prue: Alright, unfortunately, what got into you is lust. As in the sin of. Piper: Wait a minute, now you think we were infected? Prue: Hello? Gluttony, table for one. Piper: Leo! Prue: Oh, no, no, no, Leo's not up there. He's in the living room watching TV. (Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk into the living room to see Leo laying on the couch watching TV.) Piper: What are you doing? Leo: Just kicking back. Piper: Something is wrong with this picture. You need chips. I'll go get some. (Piper heads for the kitchen.) Phoebe: Oh, turn on MTV, I wanna see Carson Daily, he is so hot. (Phoebe sits on the couch beside Leo.) Prue: Okay, uh, excuse me, sins in a box. Demon hunt, real life. Can we please focus here? Now, what did 'they' say about Lucas' sneak attack? Leo: I don't know. I didn't make it up there. I orbed half way up and I got tired. Prue: What? Leo: Hey, after sixty years of constant vigilance, I think I deserve a little down time. (Piper walks in carrying a bowl of chips.) Piper: Here you go, honey. Leo: Oh, thanks, honey. I'm gonna probably be thirsty soon. Prue: Oh, I'm gonna be ill soon. (The doorbell rings.) Piper: I'll get it. (Piper opens the door and a flower delivery guy brings in bunches of flowers.) Oh, how gorgeous. Delivery Guy: Hi. Boy, these are a lot of flowers. (Phoebe walks in the foyer.) Phoebe: I'll say. I love a man in a uniform. Prue: Hey, who sent the flowers? Piper: I did, for myself. Prue: Oh, this is just too much. Phoebe: (to the delivery guy) I bet you're too much. (She places her hands on his chest.) Prue: Alright, that's it. That's enough. (She pushes the delivery guy outside.) Nothing to see here, nothing to respond to, get out. You! What are you smiling at, buddy? (He leaves.) Phoebe: Why did you do that? Prue: Because unless you guys want those flowers at your funeral, you had better get a grip, okay? You've been infected. Gluttony, lust, and that in there... (They walks back in the living room. Leo burps.) Is sloth. Piper: How did I get gluttony? I don't over eat. Prue: No, but you over do. The sins are drawn to our predispositions and lately yours has been excess. Phoebe: What sin did you get hit with? Prue: Well, I didn't get hit. Phoebe: Oh, I saw you get hit. Prue: Well, I must be strong enough to fight it off, I'm not showing any symptoms, am I? And thank goodness, alright, one of us has to keep our wits about us. (She sees the news on the TV.) Hey, turn that up, lazy. (Leo turns up the TV.) Reporter: The SWAT team just arrived at Bay City Motor Cars. A further signal that police are taking seriously. Pastor Roger Tremble threatens to shoot and kill his hostage if his demands are not met. Anchorwoman: Do you have any idea what exactly the Pastor's demands are? Reporter: Well, actually, yeah, they're a little bazaar but he claims he wants a Jag. Specifically a XK convertible in British racing green. Piper: That's a new one. Phoebe: That news caster's kinda cute. Prue: Alright, what do you wanna bet that the demon infected the Pastor with envy. Piper: Prue, out of all the people in San Francisco... Leo: Still, he does fit the profile. Paragon of good, driven to an act of self destruction. Prue: Yeah, especially with a SWAT team outside. Alright, we can not let this demon steal anymore of our innocent souls. (Prue drags Phoebe away from the TV.) Piper, are you coming? Piper: Uh, I was gonna stay here with Leo and hold down the fort. Phoebe: More like hold down the couch. Piper: I'll come if you want me to. Prue: No, it's fine, I'll just do all of it myself if I have to. Come on, Phoebe. (Prue and Phoebe leave.) Piper: You think she's mad? Leo: Probably. (Leo moves over and Piper sits down beside him. An infomercial comes up on the TV. Leo changes channels.) Piper: Wait, turn that back. (Leo groans and changes back to the infomercial.) Hand me the phone. (He hands her the phone and she dials the number on the TV.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Bay City Motor Cars. The SWAT team have surrounded the building. Prue and Phoebe are there talking to Darryl.] Prue: Look, Darryl, just let me handle this. Darryl: Look, Prue, it's a highly charged, highly public situation. I can't just ask SWAT to let you handle it. I get enough flak from these guys as it is. Prue: Alright, would you rather me astral project myself in there? Darryl: Come on, Prue, you're not being reasonable. Phoebe: I have something to say. I see that cute officer from this morning. (She gets all excited.) Prue: Hey, stay on point, we still have an innocent to save. Darryl: You're right, we all do, cops included. Look, just let the hostage negotiators handle it, please? Prue: Fine. What's the plan? Darryl: The plan is to talk the Pastor down, weigh him out. Prue: Okay. Darryl: It works in most cases, trust me. Prue: Okay, well, if he's been infected it will not work in this case, trust me, alright. The Pastor's only gonna get worse. Darryl: What would you do to resolve it? Prue: There's only one thing to do. (Prue walks towards the building.) Darryl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! (to SWAT) Hold your fire! Hold your fire! (He notices Phoebe is gone.) Phoebe? [Cut inside the building. The Pastor has a gun up to the salesman's throat. Prue walks in.] Prue: Pastor Tremble? (The Pastor turns around and points the gun at Prue.) Pastor: Who are you? Prue: Whoa, okay, hold on, I'm-I'm-I'm here to help, but I can not do that until you put the gun down. Pastor: Get outta here. Prue: I just wanna talk. Pastor: I just want my Jag. Do you want me to shoot you too? I swear I will. Prue: Okay, no, no, no, wait. I-I know what's happened to you, okay? You've been infected with sin. Pastor: I warned you. Prue: No. (Prue uses her power but the gun doesn't fly out of his hand. He shoots at Prue.) [Cut to outside. Everyone crouches down when they hear the gunshot. Screams are heard. Darryl grabs a megaphone and talks into it.] Darryl: Prue, you alright? Talk to me, Prue. (Prue finally comes out with the salesman.) Prue: Everything's under control, don't worry a thing. I've got it all under control. Hi, he needs medical attention. The Pastor's inside, I kicked his ass. He needs attention too, he's knocked out. (Everyone applauds and news reporters rush up to Prue.) Reporter: Hi, can I just ask a few questions? Prue: The name's Halliwell, Prue Halliwell. Reporter #2: What made you run in there? Prue: Well, my job is to protect the innocent. Reporter: Do you work for the police? Prue: No, actually, I don't. (Darryl pulls Prue away.) Darryl: No, she's a good Samaritan, very good Samaritan. No further questions. Prue: Why did you do that? I was just getting started. Darryl: 'Cause you were about to hang yourself. You shouldn't be talking to the press. Prue: Why not? Darryl: Because they'll destroy you. What's the matter with you? Preu: Nothing can destroy me, Darryl. Darryl: Prue, you're bleeding. (Prue looks at her arm.) Prue: Whoa, I am, oh my. That bullet must have grazed me. Darryl: And you didn't even feel it? Prue: No, no, you know, the adrenalin, it's no big deal. Darryl: No big deal? You almost got yourself killed. I've never seen you runaway from danger before, but I've never seen you run toward it either. What, have you got a death wish or something? Prue: It does sound kind of self destructive, doesn't it? Oh, oh, that means I've been infected. That must be why I can't control my powers. Darryl: Prue, what's going on? Prue: Darryl, I don't have time to explain. Can you get Pastor Tremble to a safe place? Some place where he won't hurt himself, like a psychiatric hospital. Darryl: Yeah, sure, shouldn't be a problem in his case. Prue: Okay, good, but nobody can know that he's there, okay? Because if so, the demon will find him and kill him. Darryl: Okay, I don't know how long I can keep it a secret though. Prue: Well, I don't really need that long. Just long enough for me to find the demon and vanquish him, okay? Okay. Now where is my sister? Phoebe! [Cut inside a SWAT truck. Phoebe is there making out with the officer from before. She starts undressing him, then pulls out a strip of condoms from her bag.] Phoebe: It's a good thing I came prepared. (She rips one off with her teeth. Darryl opens the door.) Darryl: Officer! Prue: Phoebe! Officer: Wait, I can explain. Darryl: The hell you can. Get outta there! (Darryl pulls him out of the truck. Prue pulls Phoebe out of the truck. She grabs her coat.) Prue: Here, put it on. Are you out of your mind? Phoebe: Um, yeah, I think so. But if you're gonna go crazy... Prue: Yeah, well, my sin's not nearly as much fun as yours. Phoebe: Wait, you're sin? I thought you didn't get hit. Prue: Well, that was the pride talking and it almost got me killed already. Phoebe: Pride? You don't seem all that different. Prue: Really? Well, back atcha. We need to get home and try and track down this demon, okay? Phoebe: No, I don't think so, I'm having too much fun, so I'll just see you later. Prue: If I don't get you home, there won't be a later. [Cut to Darryl and the officer.] Darryl: What the hell is the matter with you? Not only in the middle of the day, but in the middle of a crisis. Officer: Look, she attacked me. I swear, I didn't have a choice. Not much of one. Darryl: That's a pathetic excuse. You're an officer for crying out loud. Officer: What would you want me to do? Shoot her? Darryl: You're suspended. Officer: What? Darryl: Go back to the station, turn in your hardware. (Darryl walks away.) Officer: You can't suspend me. It was her fault. Damn it! (Lucas appears.) Lucas: You know that anger is one of the seven deadly sins? Your blood pressure's rising, adrenalin's pumping, you wanna hit somebody, don'tcha? Officer: Who the hell are you? (Lucas gets out the box and hits the officer with the anger sin ball.) Lucas: I'm somebody who can help you channel that anger. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Porch. Prue and Phoebe walk up to the door.] Phoebe: You know, it would have not killed you to drive by the fire station for a little looksy. Prue: You know what? (She opens the door.) If you and Piper do not get your sins under control... (They walk inside and all of Piper's purchases fill the foyer and living room. Piper walks in.) Piper: Good, you're here. The pashminas have arrived and they're to die for. Come see. (A delivery man walks past carrying long metal strip things.) Whoa, hey, hi, almost decapitated. Phoebe: Hello. (They walk into another room filled with stuff. Piper pulls a pashmina out of a box.) Wow, Piper, you really put the glutt in gluttony. Prue: Okay, how did you get this stuff so fast? Piper: Oh, I just let my fingers do the walking and the clicking and the... flipping. Prue: Flipping as in the pages of the Book of Shadows? You used magic? Piper: Well, yeah, I couldn't wait six to eight weeks for delivery. Prue: That is so personal gain. Piper: No, 'cause we need all of this stuff. (Phoebe leaves the room.) Prue: Okay, Piper, this isn't you. You're being consumed by your consumption and it will only lead to your total misuse of magic. (Piper turns on a water fountain.) Piper: Soothing, isn't it? [Cut to the living room. Leo is laying on the couch watching a big screen TV. Phoebe moves over to him.] Phoebe: Hey, Leo. Leo: Shh, watching TV. (She sits down next to him.) Phoebe: I know something more exciting that television. (She unties her top.) Me. (She turns off the TV.) Leo: What the hell are you doing? Come on, give it back. (He reaches for the remote but falls on Phoebe. Piper walks in.) Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe: What? Prue won't let me leave the house, so I have to make do with what I have. (She strokes his chest.) Piper: Get your slutty hands off of my husband! (Phoebe stands up.) Phoebe: Make me. Piper: Gladly. (Piper picks up a statue of a head and gets ready to throw it.) Leo: Watch the remote! (Prue runs in.) Prue: No, no, no. (She takes the statue off of Piper.) Alright, you guys, the last I checked we still had a demon to vanquish and an innocent to save. Phoebe: I thought you said Morris hid the Pastor some place safe. Prue: Yes, he did, but envy is only the sixth sin. Which means there's still an innocent out there infected with anger. (Prue puts the statue down.) Piper: What would you like us to do about it? Prue: Leo, I would like for you to orb up there and ask the Elders what they know, okay? Leo: I'm too tired. Prue: Leo, (she hits him on the arm) get up there right now! You're a Whitelighter, that is your job. Leo: Why? You never listen to me anyway. (He yawns.) I think I'm gonna orb upstairs and take a nap. (He orbs out. Phoebe picks up a magazine and starts to read it.) Prue: Fine! Fine, orb, who needs you anyway? (Piper puts on a pair of boxing gloves.) We still have the power of three. (She looks at Piper and Phoebe.) [Scene: Police station. The officer walks outside to his car. He puts his bag in the boot and shuts the door. Lucas appears.] Lucas: Did you find out where they're hiding the Pastor? Officer: Where'd you come from? Lucas: Answer my question. Officer: No one's talking. At least not to me. Lucas: That's not good enough. Officer: Look, I don't know who you think you are! (The officer grabs his chest in pain.) Lucas: Anger's the worst, isn't it? Especially when the burning rage zaps you of all your strength and reason and the relentless screams locks out all hope. Use it against the Halliwells. (He pulls the officer's gun out of his belt.) Make them tell you where the Pastor is. Trust me, anger always feels better when it has a target. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there. Prue's looking through the Book of Shadows, Piper's got her feet in a foot spa, and Phoebe is lying in a chair.] Prue: There is nothing, there is nothing in the book. Why did only lame witches precede it? Piper: Because nobody is as good as you, Prue. Prue: You know, at least I'm trying, Piper. Instead of getting a foot massage, or sleeping. Phoebe: I'm not sleeping. I'm just having the best premonitions of my life. Prue: Of what? Phoebe: It's a button off Officer Cutie's shirt. Let me tell you, if the movie's anything like the previews... whoa. Prue: Alright, is that all that you care about? (Phoebe nods.) Fine. I'll save the innocents, I'll vanquish the demon, and if I feel like it, maybe when I'm done, I'll save you guys. Phoebe: Oh, don't do us any favours. Piper: Yeah, Prue, worry about yourself. (Piper knocks a lamp in the foot spa and gets electrocuted. She falls over the back of the chair.) Prue: Piper! (She runs over to her.) You alright? Piper: Oh, what happened? Prue: Uh, you were shocked. Piper: I feel strange. Prue: Yes, well, if you had both feet in the water you wouldn't feel anything. (Prue helps her up. The doorbell rings.) Who is that? (Phoebe looks out the window and sees the officer standing on the porch.) Phoebe: Oh! Oh! It's Officer Cutie from this morning. (She opens the window.) Hey! Hey, up here! I'm gonna come down, okay? (Phoebe leans out the window and nearly falls out.) Prue: Phoebe, watch out! (Prue pulls her back in.) Do you see what's happening? Phoebe: That was close. (She runs out of the attic.) Piper: Prue, we just have different priorities than you do. You need a little pick me up. How about I buy you some shoes? (She heads for the door.) [Cut to the foyer. Phoebe opens the door.] Phoebe: I knew you'd come back for me. (The officer walks in.) Officer: This isn't a social call. (He grabs Phoebe.) Phoebe: Whoa, are we roleplaying? Did you bring your handcuffs? (He gets out his gun and points it at Phoebe.) Officer: Where's the Pastor? Phoebe: I don't know, I swear. Officer: You're lying! (He pushes her into a box full of stuff.) You're something else, you know that? (He throws boxes around the room.) I got suspended because of you! You think you can ruin somebody's life and not pay for it? (He points the gun at her.) You're gonna pay. Phoebe: No. Officer: You're gonna pay right now. Phoebe: Please, don't shoot. (Piper walks down the stairs and screams.) Piper: My stuff! (He points at Piper and she freezes him. He unfreezes and shoots at her. She ducks.) Why are my powers not working? Officer: Where's the Pastor? Piper: I don't know. (Phoebe knocks the officer down and he shoots up in the air. Piper falls down the stairs and knocks over all the stuff. A large wooden box falls on top of her. Piper tries to climb out from under the box. She looks over at Phoebe and sees her unconscious on the floor.) Phoebe? (The officer stands up. Prue comes down the stairs. He yells and points the gun at himself. Prue uses her power and some of Piper's stuff is thrown at him. He falls back onto some furniture. She looks at the unconscious Piper and Phoebe. Lucas appears behind Prue and grabs her.) Lucas: You can't save what's already lost. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Phoebe is still unconscious on the floor. Piper crawls over to her and feels her pulse. She crawls over to the stairs.] Piper: Leo! (She starts to climb the steps.) Aah! (She pulls herself up to the top.) Leo! [Cut to Pipe's room. Leo is asleep on the bed. Piper limps into her room.] Piper: Leo, please wake up. Leo. (She falls over and knocks some things off of her dresser.) Ow! (Leo wakes up.) Leo: Huh? What? Piper! (He runs over to her. He is struck with a bright light.) Piper: You glowed. Leo: Doesn't matter. Where are you hurt? Piper: No, you've gotta go downstairs and heal Phoebe first and then go find Prue because the demon took her. (Piper is struck with a bright light.) Leo: You glowed too. Piper: I did? Did you heal me? Leo: No, not yet. (He heals her.) It's the sins. We must have gotten rid of them. Piper: Wait a minute, you said there's no magical way to do that. Leo: There isn't. Maybe there's a human way. Maybe by being selfless. By you caring more about your sisters and me caring more about you, we over came it. Piper: Well, that means Phoebe must have gotten rid of her sin too because she risked her life to save me. (They run downstairs to Phoebe.) Leo: She's still breathing. (Leo heals her.) Piper: Hi, honey. Phoebe: Hi. Leo, what are you doing up? Leo: Fixing you. Phoebe: Where's Prue? Piper: Uh, we don't know, but we need to find her. She won't admit it but she's in big trouble. [Scene: Lucas' place. Prue is tied up. She is struggling to get free.] Lucas: You think you can break free, but you can't. See, that's what makes pride the deadliest of all the sins. It makes you think you're invincible. Above it all... Prue: My powers... Lucas: Are useless now. Corrupted. You have only a small window of opportunity to save your life before it's too late. Prue: No demon has defeated me. And you won't be the first. Lucas: You see, but I don't have to defeat you, you're gonna defeat yourself. In mere minutes you'll be so far gone you will self destruct just like all the rest. However, I am willing to make you a deal. Prue: I don't make deals with demons. Lucas: Do you listen to them? Look, we both know that you safe guarded the Pastor, which means that I can't deliver his soul. But this late in the game I am willing to pay for it. Tell me where the Pastor is and I'll remove your sin. Prue: Go to hell. Lucas: This is my hell. Every rotten day of it. Listen, I am giving you a chance to save your life, Prue. To end your hell. Prue: If you remove my sin, you'll still be one more soul short. Lucas: That's true, but once it's sponged, I can use the sin again. You see, it'll just pop right back into my box. Prue: And let you infect another innocent? I don't think so. Screw you. (Lucas picks up a stick and taps it on the floor. A large hole in the floor opens up.) Lucas: Witness the bottomless pit of ever lasting torment. Pride goes with before the very long fall, Prue. So what's your decision? Remember, if I lose you lose. Prue: Alright, alright, untie me. Lucas: Tell me where the Pastor is first. Prue: Oh, untie me first. If I self destruct, you will never get a soul. (Lucas unties her.) Lucas: Alright, where is he? Prue: Ha, you lose I win, ha! (Phoebe, Piper and Leo walk in. Prue jumps in the pit.) Lucas: No! Phoebe: Prue! Piper: No! Leo, Leo, Leo! (Leo orbs out into the hole.) Lucas: Why did she have to have pride? Pride is the one sin you can't beat. Piper: Beat this. (Piper freezes him.) Phoebe: Oh, I see orbs. (Leo orbs back in with Prue.) Prue: Let go, I can handle this. (Prue elbows him in the chest.) Leo: Ow! I was saving you. Prue: Saving me? I had it under control, I didn't need your help. Phoebe: Right. Piper: Uh-oh, it looks like the only way to get the pride out of Prue is to vanquish him. (Phoebe picks up the sin box.) Phoebe: Oh, who ordered the sweet sin balls? Piper: I think he did. (Phoebe throws all the sin balls at Lucas. He unfreezes.) Lucas: What did you...? (He falls into the pit. The pride sin comes out of Prue and lands in the box.) Prue: Okay, whoa, what just happened? Phoebe: I think you just lost your pride. (Two more sin balls float into the box.) And these must be envy and anger. Which must mean the Pastor and cop are okay now. (Phoebe throws the sin box in the pit. Prue taps the wand on the floor and the pit closes.) Prue: Okay. (Piper picks up a crystal.) Piper: Oh, wait a minute, is this another? Leo: I don't think so. Phoebe: Maybe it's the business man's soul. Piper: Oh, well, then you should release it some place nice. (She hands it to Leo.) Leo: I know the perfect place. He orbs out.) Prue: Wow, we sure showed that demon. (Phoebe smirks.) Okay, you guys sure showed that demon. Piper: Thank you. Prue: So I guess I needed you guys a lot more than you needed me. Phoebe: No, we all needed each other. You got me back at the house, you saved the innocents... Prue: Yeah, but... Piper: Uh, stop it, I don't like this humble Prue, I want my real sister back. Phoebe: Me too. Prue: Well, I mean, I did save that cop from killing himself and I was strong enough to tell him... (She continues to ramble. Piper and Phoebe walk away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Orgy is playing. Piper is at the bar. Prue comes up to her and offers her a glass of wine.] Prue: Here you go. Piper: Oh, no, no, no. Prue: Piper, it's okay to indulge, just don't over indulge. Piper: I guess we can thank Lucas for teaching us anything in moderation. Prue: Hey, there was nothing that Lucas could teach me. Piper: Oh, really? Prue: I'm doing it again, aren't I? That whole pride thing. I swear, I'm working on it. Piper: It's a constant struggle. Prue: Here's one thing that I'm willing to admit I don't understand. You, Phoebe and Leo were able to get rid of your sins with a selfless act. I committed many selfless acts yet why did I have to wait for Lucas to be vanquished to get rid of my pride? Piper: Well, Lucas said that pride was the one thing you can't beat. I think what he meant was there's no such thing as a selfless act to pride. Prue: I threw myself into a pit for the Pastor. Piper: Yeah, but you did that to win. So any good you did during your prideful state was for the greater glory of Prue. Prue: Alright, fine, then here's to Leo, for saving me from eternal torment. (They clink their glasses.) Piper: Mm-hmm, and to me for not trying to be the perfect couple. If it isn't good enough for them, then screw 'em. Prue: I'll drink to that. (Phoebe pushes past some people.) Phoebe: Excuse me. (She goes over to Prue and Piper.) Hi, I am so excited, and not in any sexual kind of way. Uh, recent events inspired me to write a paper on sexual politics, claiming that my indiscretion with Professor Kass was an ethical experiment. So I handed the paper in yesterday and... pause for dramatic effect... Prue: So, did he buy it? Phoebe: I got a B. Prue: Yay! Phoebe: Minus, but I got it fair and square which means I will be able to graduate. And no man, not even Cole, is going to stand in my way. Piper: Congratulations. Prue: I am very proud of you. Phoebe: Oh, and coming from you. Prue: Hey, be nice, I don't even wanna think about the sin tonight. Phoebe: Me neither. Prue: So this is a pretty interesting band. What's their name? Piper: Orgy. (Prue gives Piper a funny look.)

Leo and the sisters become targeted by a demon who has access to the seven deadly sins. After they each get infected with the sins, they must find a way to break the hold the sins have on them before getting destroyed by the demon so he can get their souls.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_14x18

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_14x18_0

THE ROBOTS OF DEATH by: CHRIS BOUCHER PART TWO Running time: 24:15 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INT. hopper (Having opened a hopper door, the DOCTOR steps inside. It is dark. He shines a torch around the hopper interior and lights on a dead body curled in the corner. He steps across to investigate, crouching by the body and turning it over - the body has eye makeup like the sandmine crew, but it is not a person we have met. Suddenly, the door and the hatch close behind the DOCTOR, and ore begins to rain down on his head from a chute in the ceiling. The ore buries the dead body. It looks like it will soon bury the DOCTOR too ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. corridor (V9 and D64 walk along the corridor to the forward storage locker.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. forward storage locker (Inside, V9 and D64 go to the gurney on which CHUB's body lies. LEELA looks on, hiding crouched behind a shelf. The robots wheel the gurney out of the room ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. corridor (... and into the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. forward storage locker (LEELA watches them go and gets up to follow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. hopper (Ore continues to rain down on the head of the DOCTOR. It completely buries him. As the torrent subsides, a metal pipe emerges from the ore pile, forging upwards. Once the ore stream stops, grains of ore are blown out of the pipe - the DOCTOR can breathe!) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. corridor (V9 and D64 wheel the gurney down another corridor. LEELA emerges from the forward storage locker, wielding her knife. She watches where the robots go, and then heads in another direction.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. crew room (UVANOV toys with a pale marble chess piece as the rest of the human crew fidget impatiently. CASS gets out of his seat and moves towards the door.) UVANOV: Where do you think you are going? CASS: To search. We've got to find those killers. UVANOV: The robots can handle it. CASS: So can I. (CASS leaves. BORG gets up to follow him.) UVANOV: (Angrily.) And where do you think you're going? BORG: He's right, Commander. UVANOV: You stay where you are! (BORG leaves. TOOS gets out of her seat.) TOOS: Maybe it would be quicker if we all went to look. (UVANOV rises to confront her. As he does, POUL discreetly slips out the door.) UVANOV: We are not armed. There are two killers loose aboard this ship, maybe more. DASK: The robots can handle the situation more efficiently than we can. TOOS: Alright! I just thought you were in a hurry to get back to work. UVANOV: I am not in any hurry to get myself killed, Toos. (UVANOV gestures for TOOS to sit down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. INT. corridor in hopper area (SV7 punches a button on the console for controlling hopper functions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. hopper (The ore drains away from the Doctor's pipe and from the DOCTOR himself. His hair is flat, but he grins broadly and stands up.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. corridor in hopper area (SV7 unlocks and opens the hopper door and hatch. The DOCTOR climbs out, shakes ore grains from his hair, and stands up.) DOCTOR: Thank you. Thank you very much. SV7: What were you doing in the hopper? DOCTOR: Oh, don't ask me such silly questions. How did you know I was in there? SV7: When I got here, the gauge showed a high percentage of impurity in the ore. I therefore checked. DOCTOR: Well I'm not surprised. There's a dead man in there. Murdered. Strangled - look. (SV7 looks inside the hopper, and then looks back to the DOCTOR.) SV7: That is Kerril. DOCTOR: Oh? (SV7's communicator sounds a tone to initiate communication.) SV7: (Into wrist communicator.) Nearest Voc. Subpriority red four. Section five two. V17. (Addresses DOCTOR.) Commander Uvanov has ordered that you be restrained for questioning. Please do not try to escape again. DOCTOR: Is the robot command circuit rooted only through you? SV7: I am the coordinator. Restrain this person. (V17 has appeared behind the DOCTOR. It grabs him by the arm and leads him away.) DOCTOR: Easy now, easy. Don't get excited. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INT. corridor (LEELA runs at speed down the sandmine corridor toward Uvanov's quarters, and enters the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. UVANOV's quarters LEELA: Doctor! (Still wielding her knife, LEELA turns to her left and sees something moving behind the black curtain that provides privacy to a bed alcove in the wall of the room. She slowly moves towards the alcove.) LEELA: Doctor, you were right. There was a body. Two of the robots - they took it to a special place - (LEELA throws back the curtain and points her knife at whoever is inside. In the alcove sits CASS - dead. LEELA feels his forehead, and at her touch, CASS falls forward onto his face. LEELA turns around to face the room, with her knife at the ready. Standing by the padded couch is a robot - D84! D84 moves silently towards LEELA. She raises a hand to keep him at bay.) LEELA: (Chokes back sounds of fear.) (LEELA steps back as D84 approaches. She lunges at him with her knife, but misses, and D84 restrains her knife hand. He then puts a hand over LEELA's mouth, silencing her. LEELA tries to cry out, but cannot break free of D84's hold.) D84: Please do not cry out. It is important that I am not found here. LEELA: (Voice muffled by D84's hand.) Obviously. D84: If I had killed him, would I not have killed you too? (LEELA realises the truth of D84's words. She turns to look at him as he releases his hold on her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. EXT. storm mine 4 (The forward vent pipes spray out their waste as the sandmine grinds its way through the desert, sending boulders flying down cliff sides in its wake.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. uvanov's quarters (LEELA, having regained her confidence, spins around in a revolving desk chair to question D84.) LEELA: You still haven't explained what you're doing here. D84: You have not explained what you were doing here. LEELA: Oh well I was looking for the Do - (LEELA stands up, defensive.) LEELA: I don't have to explain anything to you. You're just a mechanical man. You're not real. (D84 picks up CASS's hand and shows it to LEELA. It has a corpse marker on it.) D84: Do you know what this is? LEELA: No. D84: I must ask ... I must ask that you tell no one about me. LEELA: Is there anyone left alive to tell? (D84 suddenly grabs LEELA from behind by the arms.) LEELA: What? (UVANOV enters and sees them.) UVANOV: Oh, so we've caught one. (UVANOV sees CASS, goes to him, then steps down towards LEELA.) UVANOV: Not soon enough, though. (UVANOV slaps LEELA's face. She cries out. She kicks him hard in the delicates. UVANOV cries out and falls back onto the padded couch.) LEELA: I didn't kill him! Ask this thing. UVANOV: You'll have to do better than that. Who are you? LEELA: Leela. Who are you? UVANOV: Why did you kill him? LEELA: You try that again and I'll cripple you. UVANOV: Why did you kill him? LEELA: I didn't! (To D84.) Tell him! UVANOV: That is a single function labour robot. D class. D for dumb. It can't speak. LEELA: Has anyone told him that? (D84 gives LEELA a warning shake. UVANOV appears not to notice.) UVANOV: You have cost me and the company a great deal of money, and you have killed three people. Can you think of any good reason why I should not have you executed on the spot? LEELA: No. But you can, otherwise you'd have done it. UVANOV: Now don't get clever with me! (Enter POUL.) POUL: We've caught the man too. Seems he killed Kerril. (POUL sees CASS and goes to him.) POUL: Poor Cass. (To LEELA.) You must be stronger than you look. LEELA: (Scoffs.) You must be stupider than you look if you think I did that. UVANOV: Where is this man? POUL: They're taking him to the crew room now. UVANOV: Well come on, then. (UVANOV goes to leave. POUL holds up CASS's hand with its corpse marker.) POUL: Why do you use these? Robot deactivation discs. There was one on Kerril too. UVANOV: You fool! What did you have to tell her that for? POUL: I assumed she knew. UVANOV: If we could have got her to tell us what those corpse markers were, we'd be halfway to a confession. POUL: Halfway to two confessions. Dask knew what they were. UVANOV: Which rather rules him out. He would hardly have admitted it if he was responsible. POUL: Have you never heard of the double bluff? UVANOV: You seem very keen to spread suspicion, Poul. Could it be that you have got something to hide? POUL: We've all got something to hide. Don't you think so, Commander? (UVANOV glares at POUL, looking offended and perhaps guilty. He turns to D84.) UVANOV: Bring that. (UVANOV storms out. D84 follows, pushing LEELA before him.) LEELA: (To POUL.) I didn't kill him. I didn't kill him! (Exit D84 and LEELA.) POUL: No. Pity. But no. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. INT. crew room (The DOCTOR takes a paper bag of jelly babies from his pocket. He takes a bite of a yellow one. SV7, BORG, TOOS and DASK look on curiously. The DOCTOR notices them looking. He offers the bag to SV7 and BORG, who are nearest.) DOCTOR: Would you like a jelly baby? BORG: Shut up!! (BORG hits the DOCTOR's hand and the jelly babies fly out of it onto the floor. The DOCTOR makes a face.) DOCTOR: A simple no thank you would have been sufficient. (He eats the other half of the yellow one. Enter POUL, LEELA, D84 and UVANOV. POUL pats D84's arm.) POUL: Return to your normal duties. (D84 leaves. LEELA goes to the DOCTOR's side, rubbing her arms.) LEELA: Are you alright? DOCTOR: I'm fine. UVANOV: Well Cass is dead. LEELA: (Pointing at UVANOV.) That one's ready to kill. I had to restrain him. DOCTOR: Sh-sh-sh-sh. It's because they're frightened, that's why they're dangerous. BORG: She murdered him, didn't she? POUL: How do you know he was murdered? BORG: It's obvious. ZILDA: Well, you marked Cass for death. BORG: What are you talking about? POUL: You did put a corpse marker on him. BORG: Well, yes. But I didn't mean anything by it. DASK: Was Cass the same as the others? UVANOV: Yes. Exactly the same. (To DOCTOR.) And, ah, who are you? DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. I assume you're in command here. UVANOV: Yes. What are you doing here? DOCTOR: Just standing here talking to you. UVANOV: I should be very careful if I were you. DOCTOR: No doubt you would. UVANOV: What are you doing on this mine? DOCTOR: Well we're travellers. We came here by accident. UVANOV: Oh, I see. A hundred million square miles of uncharted desert and you just stumbled across us? DOCTOR: (Grins.) Mm. Well. It's a small world. UVANOV: Yeah. I s'pose it's also a coincidence that as soon as you two arrive, three of our people are killed? Well? DOCTOR: Oh, sorry, I thought it was a rhetorical - well, yes, it's just a coincidence. BORG: Why are we wasting time on them? We know they're guilty. ZILDA: We don't know anything of the sort. POUL: We just hope they're guilty. BORG: He was hiding Kerril's body in that hopper and got trapped when it was turned on. Now that's a fact. DOCTOR: No. That's an inference. I wasn't hiding that body, I was finding it. And I'd say it was put there for precisely that reason. Someone wanted to kill me too. ZILDA: The murderer. POUL: No. The others were strangled. Why should he be any different? DOCTOR: To put suspicion onto me. POUL: But why bother? You're a stowaway. What could be more suspicious than a stowaway? DOCTOR: A dead stowaway? ZILDA: It's possible, you know. He could be telling the truth. TOOS: As a lie it's pretty feeble. UVANOV: Ever hear of the double bluff? (In the background, POUL smiles at this.) DOCTOR: Well, yes, now you come to mention it I do remember one time when - UVANOV: Lock them up in the storage bank. Put a guard on them. BORG: I agree with the Commander. ZILDA: Well it gets you out of an awkward situation, doesn't it? BORG: Why don't you shut your mouth. TOOS: Why don't you shut yours. BORG: What? She's as good as accusing me of murdering my friends. ZILDA: You never had any friends. UVANOV: Have you quite finished? Look, either one of us murdered them or they did. Which do you think is the more likely? DOCTOR: Ah. (Clears throat.) There is one other possibility you seem to have overlooked. BORG: We've heard quite enough out of you. DOCTOR: (Grins.) You know. You're a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain. (BORG turns around to face the DOCTOR. He makes a sarcastic smile, then puts his hands around the DOCTOR's neck, strangling him.) BORG: (Mutters.) Dirty stinking murderer! (LEELA attacks BORG. He doubles over, and the DOCTOR escapes his grip.) POUL: Stop her! (DASK grabs BORG. LEELA grunts as SV7 restrains her.) DASK: Down, Borg. It doesn't matter. UVANOV: V8. Lock up these two strangers. (The DOCTOR and LEELA are taken away, unseen.) POUL: I still don't like it. UVANOV: Nobody is asking you to like it. Just do it. TOOS: (Resigned.) Alright, Commander. (TOOS leaves. BORG, DASK and POUL follow as UVANOV speaks. Only ZILDA remains behind, still sitting on her couch.) UVANOV: There are fewer of us now, so you'll each get a larger share if that's any consolation. ZILDA: No, Commander. That isn't any consolation. (UVANOV crouches at the back of ZILDA's chair and speaks closely to her.) UVANOV: Tell me, Zilda. Why do you hate me? ZILDA: You flatter yourself. UVANOV: Well let me tell you something. By the time this trip is over, I'll have more money than you or your fancy family ever dreamed of. ZILDA: May I go now, Commander? (UVANOV nods and gives a nasty grin. ZILDA leaves. UVANOV drops his guard once she is gone and seems ... frustrated?) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. INT. corridor in hopper area (The feet of an unknown HUMAN wearing grey and black puffy trousers approach the feet of a VOC ROBOT (clearly V45, the same robot that killed Chub, though its identity plaque is not visible here). The HUMAN's hand places a corpse marker into V45's hand.) HUMAN: (Whispers.) Zilda. V45: I will kill Zilda. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INT. storage bank (SV7 enters the storage bank - the place where broken robots are stored in individual bays with neck and chest straps of a sparkly silver material. A DUMB is locking the DOCTOR into such a bay, sealing the straps with an electronic signal.) DOCTOR: Thank you. (Beside them, a VOC locks LEELA into another bay. LEELA sighs. The ROBOTS leave.) LEELA: Nice of them to leave our arms free. DOCTOR: (Scratching under his arm.) Yes. In case we want to scratch. (LEELA tries to force the straps apart, panting with the effort.) LEELA: These metal straps. They won't budge. DOCTOR: Of course not. LEELA: The robots bent them as though they were leather. DOCTOR: Yes. And locked the molecular structure. Results - bands as solid as cast iron. LEELA: Oh, it's hopeless. DOCTOR: (Eyes closed in concentration.) I wouldn't say that. (Still with eyes shut, the DOCTOR points both his forefingers towards his head.) LEELA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Concentrating. Whatever's locked can always be unlocked. It's just a matter of thinking out the right combination. LEELA: How long will that take? DOCTOR: No more than two or three weeks. LEELA: Three weeks! DOCTOR: Well, there are several million combinations to think through. LEELA: You don't seem to be taking this very seriously, Doctor. DOCTOR: I'm taking it very, very seriously. I have an uncomfortable feeling. If the murderer doesn't kill us, the Commander will. That is, assuming they're not one and the same person. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. EXT. storM MINE 4 (Storm Mine 4 drives on through the night. Through the control deck windscreen, both HUMANS and ROBOTS can be seen at work.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. INT. CONTROL DECK (Inside, DASK and ZILDA stand at the console on the raised platform, with D33 and a VOC down below. TOOS descends the staircase to take her place at her workstation on the lower level.) DASK: V21, project those figures. TOOS: We're nearly fifty percent under target. DASK: The first third of the operation. ZILDA: Well, you should tell the Commander. (UVANOV enters and strides across to the forward instrument panel, beside V16 and V9.) UVANOV: Tell the Commander what? TOOS: Well unless we find a rich vein we'll take the miner back half empty. Barely cover the operating costs. UVANOV: Oh, don't worry, Toos. I've never gone back to base with an empty tank yet. (UVANOV goes to the green domed instrument.) TOOS: This trip could be different. ZILDA: (Descending the staircase.) It's certainly been different so far. I'm taking my rest period. UVANOV: Oh are you? ZILDA: If you don't mind, Commander. (Exit ZILDA.) UVANOV: I think I'm gonna change the duty schedule. She's been on deck one hour and she needs a rest. DASK: Rest time is an entitlement, Commander. UVANOV: Yes, but this mine is already under manned. I don't know how we're ever gonna make our quota. V16: Lucanol stream bearing two four. UVANOV: Yeah, I see it, 16. TOOS: Stream veering left. UVANOV: It's alright, relax, Toos, relax. V16: Ground centre veering seven two zero. TOOS: We're losing it! UVANOV: Right centre four degrees, V16. And for your information, Toos, I've never lost an ore stream yet. Right centre two degrees. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. EXT. FORWARD VENT PIPES (The sandmine's forward vent pipes spray out waste as the vehicle drives on. The wind of a storm howls around it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. INT. storage bank (LEELA, slumped in her storage bay, perks up.) LEELA: Someone's coming. (The DOCTOR, still concentrating, opens his eyes and drops his fingers. The electronic sound of a door opening is heard. Enter POUL, looking behind him as if to ensure no one followed him.) POUL: I'd like to help you. DOCTOR: You could undo these clamps. POUL: You said there was a possibility that we had overlooked. DOCTOR: Mm. POUL: What is it? LEELA: Be careful of him, Doctor. He's not what he seems. POUL: Why do you say that? LEELA: Well you move like a hunter. Watch all the time. DOCTOR: Are you a hunter, Poul? POUL: Well never mind about me. What matters to you is Commander Uvanov. Now, I know him. And I know it's only a matter of time before he decides that it's a waste of food, water and labour keeping you alive. DOCTOR: That concerns you? POUL: Well I don't think you did it. I know she couldn't have strangled Cass. Not without knocking him out first, and there was no sign of that. So tell me what you know and I'll try to help you. DOCTOR: Well, ah ... (The DOCTOR coughs pertinently. POUL aims his chest communicator at the DOCTOR's straps, activates an electronic signal, and opens the straps.) DOCTOR: Thank you. One of your robots could have done it. (POUL laughs, raising his hands to his face.) POUL: And that's your great theory, is it? DOCTOR: Mm. POUL: Well, my friend, robots cannot kill. Their prime directive - DOCTOR: I know, I know, I know. It's the first program that's laid into any robot's brain from the simplest Dumb to the most complex Super Voc. (Whispers significantly.) But suppose. Suppose someone's found a way of bypassing it? POUL: (Anxiously.) It's impossible. It's just impossible! DOCTOR: Bumble bees. POUL: What? DOCTOR: Terran insects. Aerodynamically impossible for them to fly, but they do it. I'm rather fond of bumble bees. Come on. There's something I want to look at. (The DOCTOR steps out of his bay and walks towards the exit. POUL follows. LEELA clears her throat. POUL turns, activates his chest communicator signal and helps her open her straps.) LEELA: (Sarcastic.) Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. INT. CORRIDOR (ZILDA walks purposefully along a corridor to Uvanov's quarters, and lets herself in by entering a code on the electronic lock panel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. INT. UVanov's quarters (ZILDA goes quickly down the stairs to Uvanov's desk.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. INT. corridor (POUL leads the DOCTOR and LEELA along a corridor to the Forward Storage Locker.) POUL: The first murder happened here. (He points inside and goes through the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. INT. forward storage locker (POUL walks towards the place where Chub's body was found, followed by LEELA and the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Tell us about it. What was his name? POUL: His name was Chub. A government meteorologist. I don't know much about him, he wasn't part of the team. Just along to study the storms. DOCTOR: Who found him? POUL: I did. I heard him scream and I came looking. It was odd, that, because he was strangled like the others. DOCTOR: So whoever killed him was strong. Too strong for him to resist. LEELA: He could have been taken by surprise. POUL: He had time to scream. DOCTOR: What do you think he was doing here? POUL: Well we were on the run up to a storm. He came to get an instrument package to send up in one of his weather balloons. DOCTOR: Where was he found? POUL: He was lying there. DOCTOR: (Points to shelf.) Is that one of his packages? POUL: I think so. (Checks.) Yes. Yes it is. DOCTOR: Good. Imagine you're Chub. There's a storm coming up. Pass me one of those packages. (POUL tries to pull out one of the packages. But it is stuck.) POUL: Seems to be stuck. Must be jammed at the back. DOCTOR: Come on, come on. In those circumstances, you're in a hurry. What would you do? POUL: Well, I'd call ... I'd call for a robot! [SCENE_BREAK] 27. INT. corridor (A ROBOT's feet walks silently along a corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28. INT. uvanov's quarters (ZILDA enters a code on the touchpad of a lock above Uvanov's alcove bed. A panel in the wall opens. Inside are some documents in white and black plastic folders. ZILDA finds the one she is after and reads what it says.) ZILDA: No. [SCENE_BREAK] 29. INT. corridor (Outside in the corridor, V45 turns towards the door, holding a corpse marker.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30. INT. uvanov's quarters (ZILDA tosses the documents onto Uvanov's desk. She opens a black folder with trepidation, and after a moment's reading starts to cry, holding her head in her hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31. INT. corridor (V45 enters a code into the door lock of Uvanov's quarters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32. INT. uvanov's quarters (ZILDA sobs against her hand. She picks up a bulky metal communicator to speak into it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33. INT. control deck (UVANOV, TOOS and DASK are on the control deck - UVANOV at the green dome, and TOOS and DASK at the rear workstations on the lower level - when ZILDA's voice comes over the command speaker, echoing across the room.) ZILDA: (Over command speaker.) You did it, Uvanov! (UVANOV looks up from the green dome.) UVANOV: Zilda, is that you? ZILDA: (On command speaker.) You thought you'd get away with it, didn't you? (UVANOV consults his wrist communicator.) UVANOV: What are you doing in my quarters? ZILDA: (On command speaker.) You filthy murderer! UVANOV: Toos! Take over. (TOOS rushes from her workstation to the green dome as UVANOV leaves.) ZILDA: (On command speaker.) You filthy disgusting murdering animal! TOOS: (Into communicator.) Uvanov's on his way down - what's wrong, Zilda? (ZILDA's voice makes a sudden sharp intake of breath and then goes silent. DASK comes to TOOS's side.) TOOS: Zilda! DASK: The killings. They've affected her mind. TOOS: No, she's found something out. [SCENE_BREAK] 34. INT. crew room (The door opens with a hum and POUL shows the DOCTOR and LEELA inside.) POUL: Wait here. I'm gonna get the others. If you're right about this you can't imagine what it'll mean. DOCTOR: What do you mean I can't imagine what it'll mean? This isn't the only robot-dependent civilisation in the galaxy, you know. (A tone signals someone calling POUL's communicator. He speaks into it.) POUL: Poul here. TOOS: (On communicator.) Go to Uvanov's quarters as fast as you can. Zilda came on the command speaker and accused him of being the killer. He's left control like a scale twenty blow. POUL: I'm on my way. (LEELA bounds up to the door to join him.) POUL: No, you wait here. (POUL leaves.) DOCTOR: Sit down, sit down. What did you call those robots? LEELA: Creepy mechanical men. DOCTOR: Yes. You know people never really lose that feeling of unease with robots. The more of them there are, the greater the unease, and of course the greater the dependence. It's a vicious circle. People can neither live with them nor exist without them. LEELA: So what happens if the strangler is a robot? DOCTOR: Oh, I should think it's the end of this civilisation. [SCENE_BREAK] 35. INT. corridor (POUL races along the corridor to Uvanov's open door, and goes through it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36. INT. uvanov's quarters (Inside, he grips the banister in surprise.) POUL: Uvanov! (UVANOV is standing over ZILDA, his hand at her throat. He looks up at POUL.) UVANOV: Just like the others. (He lets ZILDA's limp head and torso slump to the desk. POUL steps down to see, suspicious.) POUL: Yes. Just like the others. (Into communicator.) SV7 to the Commander's quarters. UVANOV: She really hated me, you know. Though I did think maybe when this trip was over and I was really rich ... (Scoffs.) I must be getting soft. Now look there's more than those two aboard. Get the tin-brains to make another search. And this time, do it thoroughly. POUL: No, Uvanov. UVANOV: Get out of my way, Poul. POUL: I'm confining you to quarters and relieving you of command. UVANOV: You're what? She was dead when I got here! POUL: What were you doing then? Making doubly sure? UVANOV: Oh, don't be a fool. Get out of my way. (He tries to get past, but POUL knocks him out with a blow to the back of his neck. UVANOV crumples to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37. INT. crew room (LEELA appears to be deep in concentration, listening to some internal sensor.) LEELA: Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes? LEELA: Something's wrong. DOCTOR: That's true. LEELA: No, something different. Something that could destroy us all. (LEELA crosses the room to the DOCTOR, who rests with his head in his hands and does not look up.) DOCTOR: You're letting your imagination run away with you. LEELA: Can't you feel it? DOCTOR: No I can't. By the pricking of my thumbs something wicked this way comes. No I can't, and neither can you. [SCENE_BREAK] 38. EXT. desert (Storm Mine 4 drives up a slope and becomes unbalanced. The massive vehicle lurches over, almost tipping onto its side.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39. INT. crew room (The DOCTOR and LEELA along with loose furniture and fittings are thrown across the crew room. The DOCTOR cries out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40. INT. uvanov's quarters (POUL is thrown across Uvanov's quarters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41. INT. control deck (TOOS and the ROBOTS lurch across the control deck.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42. EXT. storm mine 4 (The port side screw pumps turn pointlessly in the air, before Storm Mine 4 rights itself and lands back upright, sending sand flying into the air with its impact.) [SCENE_BREAK] 43. INT. crew room (The DOCTOR and LEELA sit up from their prone positions on the floor, surrounded by loose debris.) DOCTOR: Please don't say 'I told you so'. LEELA: What happened? DOCTOR: Come on. (They get up to go. LEELA reaches for her knife.) [SCENE_BREAK] 44. INT. uvanov's quarters (POUL sits up and activates his communicator.) POUL: Toos! What's going on? TOOS: (On communicator, catching her breath.) Something's ... jammed the motives. POUL: Well what does Borg say? [SCENE_BREAK] 45. INT. control deck (TOOS tries to keep control, stationed at the green dome with V9 behind her.) TOOS: (To robots.) Trim auxiliary vents. (To POUL.) Nothing, he isn't there. Dask's gone down. V16: (In background.) All motive units are now on overload. TOOS: (To robots.) Reverse thrusters. [SCENE_BREAK] 46. INT. uvanov's quarters POUL: Well I'm going down too. Just try and hold her steady. TOOS: (On communicator, sarcastic.) Oh, thanks. I'd never have thought of that. (POUL goes up the stairs to exit. Enter SV7.) POUL: Restrain the Commander. SV7: The Commander is hurt? POUL: He'll be alright. Now just keep him here. (POUL leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47. EXT. desert (The sandmine drives through a huge pile of sand and boulders almost as big as itself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48. INT. control deck (TOOS remains at the green dome while robots staff the lower level workstations and walk calmly about the control deck. V16 walks towards the forward console.) V16: All motive units are now on overload. All readings are ten percent above safety. TOOS: Port sixty, starboard three hundred. (The DOCTOR rushes in and jogs to the green dome, followed by LEELA.) DOCTOR: What happened? TOOS: How did you get out? DOCTOR: Never mind about that. What's happening? TOOS: We're out of control. It's all I can do to keep her upright. DOCTOR: You'll have to cut the power. TOOS: If we do that we'll sink. DOCTOR: If you don't, she'll blow herself to pieces. LEELA: And us! DASK: (On communicator.) Hello, Toos! TOOS: Dask, what's happening down there? DASK: (On communicator.) I found Borg. He's dead. Strangled. V16: (In background.) All readings are thirty percent ... (TOOS crosses to the forward console.) TOOS: Well what's happening to the motive units? DASK: (On communicator.) The drive links appear to have been sabotaged. (TOOS casts a significant glance at the DOCTOR.) DASK: (On communicator.) I'll need a delta repair pick. TOOS: No, Dask, come back to control deck. I need you here. DOCTOR: (Shouting to be heard over sound of overheated engines.) I know what you're thinking, but we had nothing to do with it. TOOS: It's strange how you're always around - DOCTOR: It's a gift! May I remind you we'll all blow together when she blows if you don't cut the power! TOOS: V14, stop all motive units. (V14, at the console on the raised platform with V3, punches some controls with an electronic sound.) V14: Motive units will not stop. Control failure indicated. TOOS: Someone's sabotaged the controls! DOCTOR: What's the limit before the motive units explode? TOOS: I don't know ... ninety percent. DOCTOR: (Thinks for a moment.) Severance kit! TOOS: Severance kit, V3! (The DOCTOR races to the rear of the control deck.) LEELA: Doctor, what are you doing? DOCTOR: Fighting sabotage with sabotage. (The DOCTOR rips the hatch from a control panel. Inside are thick cables. DASK enters the control deck and runs towards the DOCTOR.) DASK: Get out of there! (DASK grabs the DOCTOR and wrestles him away from the panel.) DOCTOR: What? V16: All readings are eighty five percent above safety. TOOS: (Cries out.) She's going! (LEELA blocks her ears. The DOCTOR and DASK pause mid-struggle and to witness the impending disaster ... )

As the strangulations continue and the humans aren't sure who to blame, Leela meets up with an anomaly among the robot crew - an inquisitive, supposedly mute single-function labor robot capable of independent reasoning. Meanwhile the Doctor starts looking into the possibility that the murderer is a robot, and another crew member is targeted for death.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_16x25

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_16x25_0

THE ARMAGEDDON FACTOR BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part Five Running time:24:42 [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: And you shall be my eyes and ears. K9: Affirmative, master. SHADOW: Go now. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Well, here we are. We've tracked him to his lair. ROMANA: Yes, we've got him exactly where he wants us. DOCTOR: All we have to do is find the sixth piece and stop the Shadow taking those other five. ROMANA: How can we get the sixth piece without using the tracer? Or had you forgotten the tracer's holding the Key together, and if we take the tracer out, we break the time loop, and without the time loop millions of people on Zeos and Atrios will die, to say nothing of ourselves. And the time loop's stretching already. It's up to six seconds now. That's four seconds left. And how long will that thing last? DOCTOR: Diagonal thinking, that's what's required, isn't it, Astra? ASTRA: What? I'm sorry, I was lost. DOCTOR: Astra, we need you to help us to find the Shadow. ASTRA: I shall stay here. DOCTOR: No, no, Astra, no. You're the only one who's ever been to the third planet before. Come on. ASTRA: I want to stay here. ROMANA: Astra, you said you wanted to come with us. Don't you want to save Atrios? ASTRA: My destiny no longer lies on Atrios. ROMANA: What do you mean? SHADOW (OOV.): (in Astra's head) Go with them. Bring me Romana. ASTRA: I understand. ROMANA: What did you say? Are you all right? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, everything's perfectly all right. Everything's wonderful, isn't it, Astra? ASTRA: What? Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking about Merak. Yes, of course we must do everything we can to destroy the Shadow. ROMANA: Do you know where he is? ASTRA: I think so. DOCTOR: Go on. I'll catch you up. ROMANA: Right. DOCTOR: Intergalactic computer distress signal? How very odd. How strange. Here? K9. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Master. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: Leave her to Astra. Follow the Doctor. K9 (OOV.): Affirmative, master. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Two six zero. (beep) Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ah, girls. DOCTOR: Shush. I think someone's trying to play tricks on us. You girls better stick with me, or we'll all get lost. I ROMANA (OOV.): Doctor! (echoes) Doctor. Doctor. ROMANA (OOV.): Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. ROMANA (OOV.): Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: Doctor. Doctor! Oh, what does he think he's doing, going that way. I shouted at him. He must have seen us. ASTRA: I think I remember now. Yes, all these passages link up further on. Come on, Romana, we shall meet him. DOCTOR: Ah, I see what you're at, splitting us up. Divide and conquer, is that it? You didn't really imagine we were taken in by Astra, did you? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (on screen): No. She's in your power, your employ. Little something on the neck, is it? Very crude, technically. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Like all this amusement arcade rubbish. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (on screen): No, Shadow, or whatever you're called. I'm sorry to tell you [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: That Romana can look after herself. We are Time Lords [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (on screen): Not like those innocents back on Atrios, you know. Time Lords sent by the Guardian to recover the Key to Time. SHADOW: I know who you are, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW (OOV.): I have always known. SHADOW (OOV.): I have been waiting for you. I too serve a Guardian. A Guardian equal and opposite in power to the one who sent you. The Black Guardian, he who walks in darkness, and you are in the valley of the Shadow. DOCTOR: No, no, no! No! [SCENE_BREAK] K9 (on screen): The Doctor is captured, master. [SCENE_BREAK] ASTRA: Come, Romana. You'll be safe here. [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: Hello, Theet. How you been, boy? DOCTOR: What? DRAX: It is Theet, innit? Theta Sigma? Yeah, 'course it is. Remember me, ay? [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: Begin. [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: Drax is the name. DOCTOR: Drax? DRAX: Come on, Theet. Class of ninety two? DOCTOR: Not DRAX: Yeah? DOCTOR: Drax. DRAX: Yeah. We was on the tech course together. Long time ago now, Theet, eh? Must be what, four hundred and fifty years? And a long way from Gallifrey. DOCTOR: Yes, Gallifrey. Of course! Ha, ha! Drax. DRAX: Yeah, I was all right at practical, remember? DOCTOR: Yeah. DRAX: Temporal theory did me. Still, you did well, mind, getting your doctorate and all that. DOCTOR: What happened to you? DRAX: I failed, didn't I. Still, not to worry. I was doing all right till this lot. I went into repair and maintenance. Do anything, anytime, anywhere. I've been all over the galaxy. Buy a bit, do it up, sell it. DOCTOR: Yeah. What sort of things? DRAX: Cybernetics, guidance systems, you name it. DOCTOR: Armaments? DRAX: Yeah, and that. Not on a regular basis, of course. DOCTOR: Drax, I was introduced to a computer on Zeos. Called itself Mentalis. Did you by any chance have anything to do with the installation? DRAX: Strictly under duress. That's why I'm here. The minute I finished the job, wham. Feet never touched the ground. DOCTOR: The Shadow? DRAX: I didn't know who he was, did I. Just another customer, I thought. And then he puts the heavy word on. Do it or die. I mean, what would you have done? DOCTOR: Yes, very tricky. DRAX: Yeah. DRAX: So that's where it was. I thought somebody'd nicked it. Huh, not a lot of bottle now, is it. DOCTOR: Did you make that? DRAX: Knocked it up, yeah. Well, you gotta do something. There's always a chance some geezer would pick up the distress call. DOCTOR: You made this here? DRAX: I never go nowhere without me tools. Fat lot of good it did, though, eh? Got us both in nick together. DOCTOR: Drax, I don't want to pry, but where did you acquire this peculiar vocabulary? DRAX: Brixton, weren't it? DOCTOR: Brixton? DRAX: Brixton. London. Earth. DOCTOR: I've been to Earth. DRAX: Yeah, me transport broke down. Hyperbolics, as usual. And I was investigating certain possibilities with regard to replacements. I got done, didn't I. Ten years I got. Well, I had to learn the lingo, didn't I, to survive. Why, is there something funny about the way I talk? DOCTOR: No, no. It's very colourful. Very demotic. DRAX: Yeah, well thanks, Theet. DOCTOR: Doctor. DRAX: Oh yeah. DOCTOR: No offence. DRAX: None taken. DOCTOR: Drax? DRAX: Doctor? DOCTOR: Drax? DRAX: Yes? DOCTOR: That hole in the wall? DRAX: Yeah? DOCTOR: Might that, might it lead to a way out? DRAX: No. Not yet, anyway. I dunno, I've got tunnels all over the place, but I can't seem to find it. DOCTOR: Find what? DRAX: The transmat shaft. They all use it. The Shadow and all his horribles. The trouble is, you see, my TARDIS is back on Zeos. DOCTOR: Yes, but where does it lead? DRAX: Have a look. [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: Well, Doctor, welcome to my world. DOCTOR: Aren't they stabiliser components? DRAX: Yeah, they are. DOCTOR: But you said your TARDIS was parked on Zeos. DRAX: Yeah, well, I took the stabiliser out. Needs a bit of work. DOCTOR: How long have you been here? DRAX: About five years. After the war started. DOCTOR: Five years? For five years you've had a dimensional stabiliser virtually intact and you haven't managed to escape? DRAX: I told you, it needed work. DOCTOR: Oh, come on, Drax! You could have repaired that and long-dogged it out of here years ago. DRAX: Here, what's the game? Oh, I get it. You think I'm in with the Shadow, don't you. DOCTOR: Aren't you? DRAX: Now would I. DOCTOR: Yes, you would. What's he offered you? DRAX: Nothing. DOCTOR: Are you about to suggest that you and I make a run for it out of here in my TARDIS? DRAX: Well, it's a good idea. DOCTOR: Oh yes, it's a very good idea, you and me in my TARDIS. And what happens then when we're inside, eh? Sock full of sand, lead pipe and you away with the Key to Time, am I right, Drax? DRAX: Look, I didn't know it was going to be you, did I. He threatened me with the chop, didn't he. He said I was the only one who could get hold of it. DOCTOR: If you had, do you think he'd let you get away? You'd be in for the chop, too. DRAX: Yeah, I would, wouldn't I. DOCTOR: Of course you would. So why don't you help me? I mean, together we stand a slight chance. And after all, we are Time Lords, you and I. Class of ninety two. If we don't stick together, who will? [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: Enough. SHADOW: She has told me everything she knows, and it is not enough. Still the cursed Doctor stands between me and the Key. We shall see what the Doctor is prepared to offer for your life. ROMANA: I'm not afraid to die. SHADOW: K9? K9 (on screen): Master. SHADOW: To the Doctor. K9 (on screen): Affirmative, master. ROMANA: No, K9! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Try synaptic adhesion. DRAX: Synaptic adhesion? It's the chronostat. Always is. DOCTOR: I think it's synaptic adhesion. DRAX: Look, I've done thousands of these. Thousands. DOCTOR: All right. Got to be synaptic adhesion. All right, all right, I'll leave it to you, shall I. DRAX: Yeah. DOCTOR: Drax, where does this lead? DRAX: Upper level. Watch out for the mutes. DOCTOR: Yeah. Yeah, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] K9 (OOV.): Doctor? I have you on scan, Doctor. DOCTOR: Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Turn left now. Turn right now. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, old friend? K9: I have a message for you. DOCTOR: I can't hear. Can you come a bit closer? K9: Such actions warrant immediate death, which I shall execute. DOCTOR: Oh, K9. K9: Here is a message for you. Doctor, Romana is with my master. DOCTOR: Ah. K9: He wishes to know if you will exchange the Key to Time for the life of Romana. End of message. Your reply, please. Waiting. DOCTOR: Tell your master I shall give his offer serious consideration. DRAX (OOV.): Hey! DOCTOR: Yes? DRAX (OOV.): What's this heap of junk? DOCTOR: That's my computer. DRAX (OOV.): Eh? DOCTOR: Drax, I've got no time to explain. Remove the control device from under his chin, all right? DRAX (OOV.): Oh, er, ah, right. Done it. Now what? DOCTOR: Now nothing. Carry on with the stabiliser. I'll be back soon, I hope. Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Attention! Attention! DRAX: What's that? K9: Malfunction in drive systems. Attention required immediately. DRAX: Oh, it's you. I'm busy. K9: Essential restored to vertical position. Alternative is your obliteration. DRAX: Leave me alone. DRAX: All right, all right. DRAX: That better? K9: Affirmative. DRAX: Blimey, it's a dog. Who's a little tin dog, then? K9: Your silliness is noted. Drive systems regenerating. DRAX: I don't get it. It's the chronostat. It always is. K9: Negative. It is a question of synaptic adhesion. DRAX: Not you and all. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: The Key to Time, Doctor. (silence) Then you can watch your assistant suffer. DOCTOR: I refuse to negotiate in an atmosphere of threat. DOCTOR: No, no, stop! Stop! ROMANA: Doctor, no. Don't give in to him. It doesn't matter what happens to me. DOCTOR: Well of course it matters. You have the sixth piece, I take it? SHADOW: It is here. DOCTOR: Well, I'd like to see it, if it's possible. SHADOW: You have already seen it. DOCTOR: Ah. Yes. If I bring the other five pieces SHADOW: Yes? DOCTOR: What is it you have in mind? I mean, what do you intend to do? SHADOW: Come now, Doctor, you know who I am. DOCTOR: Yes. I suppose you realise I've rigged things so that Atrios and Zeos are protected. SHADOW: Your puny time loop. DOCTOR: Yes, my puny. Well, it may be puny but it works. If you break that, millions of people will die. SHADOW: That has always been our intention. This pathetic little war is but a rehearsal for our grand design. DOCTOR: Our? SHADOW: You have your Guardian and I have mine. You and I are on the same quest, Doctor, but whereas you have been scavenging across space and time, I have located the sixth piece here. DOCTOR: Oh. SHADOW: Your are inferior, just as your powers are inferior. Once we have the Key to Time, we shall set not two small planets but the two halves of the entire cosmos at war, and their mutual destruction will be music in our ears. Unlike others, it is not power we seek, but destruction that we glory in. Fetch the Key. DOCTOR: Very well. ROMANA: No! Doctor! SHADOW: Bwahahahahahahaha! [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: It's working. You were right, Doc. Synaptic adhesion. K9: Correct. DRAX: You don't know what the Doctor wants it for, do you? K9: Negative. DRAX: Well, I'd better go and find out. Stay, boy. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: Now, my Princess, your work is done. Your destiny is at hand. ASTRA: Who are you? ROMANA: The Shadow. SHADOW: The Shadow that accompanies you all. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I suppose you realise that once I give the Shadow the Key to Time, that you and your colleagues will be superfluous. DOCTOR: What I mean was that, you see, after I've given the Shadow the Key to Time, he'll kill you and then he'll kill me, and perhaps you don't care. DRAX: Right, Doctor, I'm ready for you. DOCTOR: No, Drax, no. No!

The Doctor with Drax's help, escape from their prison and work to stop The Shadows plan. The Shadow uses Astra to further the Black Guardians plot to obtain the Key to Time.

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x10

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x10_0

Derek: Previously on Teen Wolf... Peter: Say you're sorry. For leaving me burn. Derek: If you can hear me, I need you to give me a sign. Stiles: Malia. Lydia: My grandmother found Meredith. (WHISPERING) Brunski: She was controlling me. Meredith: He wasn't on my list. He was a bad person. (SNARLING) (GROWLING) Brett: Get up, Lori. Come on. Run! Run! (SCREAMS) Brett: Go! (GRUNTING) (YELLING) Brett: Wait, wait! Lori, stop! Lori: Brett... Brett, what's happening? Brett: Close your eyes. Kira: Run! (MUSIC PLAYING) (PANTING) Scott: Kira found Brett. They're fine but we've got to go. Liam: More assassins? Scott: Maybe a lot more. Liam: Different than the ones who just tried to set us on fire? Scott: I think so, yeah. How about I take you home? Liam: I'm not like you. Scott: Not yet. Liam: I don't mean I'm not strong or I'm never gonna learn how to be in control. I mean everything else. You and your friends try to protect everyone. Have you been whole this the whole time? I mean, how are you all still alive? Scott: Not all of us are. Let me at least take you home. (SIGHS) Stiles: I'm completely and totally fine. Melissa: Uh-uh-uh. You completely and totally have a concussion, Stiles. Lie back down. The doctor said you're not leaving without a CT scan. Stiles: We still haven't paid for the last one. Melissa: Oh, no, no, no. Meredith is at the station. Your dad said it could take some time but he will get her to talk. Even if I let you go, what would you do? Stiles: Okay, fine. Can you do me one little favor? Melissa: Anything. Stiles: Can you get me a tape player? Melissa: Like cassettes? Stiles: Yes. Tapes. Melissa: Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Stiles: Okay, tapes, though, please. Melissa: Cassettes. (DOOR CLOSES) Lydia: What did she say? Sheriff: Hard to tell. There were words. I'm not sure there were actual sentences. Nothing. Lydia: I think we need a psychologist... Sheriff: Or a medium. Lydia: Is she even competent enough to be charged with something? Sheriff: If Meredith is The Benefactor, then that means she was competent enough to trick Kate into opening the Hale Vault, competent enough to blackmail Brunski into helping her, and competent enough to create a hit list and pay out money for its completion. This girl's practically a criminal mastermind. (SOFTLY) Lydia: There's gotta be a reason why she would do this. Sheriff: I'm only interested in the "why," if it tells me the "how." Lydia: You mean how to stop it. Sheriff: After what happened to Scott tonight, this thing's still going. The payments could be automatic. And as long as the killers are getting paid, and paid very well, that list is gonna keep getting smaller. Lydia: We don't just need to stop the dead pool. Sheriff: We need to stop the money. Scott: Is your mom... Kira: She's okay. Healing. Scott: What about you? Kira: Me? Scott: Are you okay? Kira: Right now? Very. Scott: Did you find him? Did you find Brett? Kira: Actually, I think I found all of them. Satomi, this is who I was telling you about. Satomi: I know who Scott McCall is. Lori: Are we safe here? Scott: We're gonna need help. A lot of help. (GRUNTS) (THUD) Sheriff: I thought I told you to go home. Lydia: I thought I told you I wasn't going anywhere. Did they get anything out of her? Sheriff: Should have gone with the medium. Deputy Parrish: We went through everything in Brunski's office, and so far everything amounts to pretty much nothing. Did you not go home yet? Lydia: Not until Meredith starts talking. Sheriff: Lydia, I promise she'll talk, and when she does, I'll let you know. Trust me on this. Everybody talks eventually. Lydia: Then let me try. Sheriff: No, we've already discussed this. Lydia: I've gotten through to her before. Just let me try. Stiles: You find a tape player? Melissa: No. But I found someone looking for you. Malia: I heard you almost got killed. Stiles: I heard you almost got killed. Malia: You okay? Stiles: Brunski punched me in the face. Turns out he was a serial killer. Malia: Makes sense. Stiles: Yeah. What about you? Malia: We almost got set on fire. Stiles: Everyone okay? Malia: Basically. Stiles: You okay? Malia: I'm fine. I'm gonna go. Stiles: You don't have to. Malia: I should go. Stiles: Okay. Malia: It's locked. Stiles: Why would she lock the door? Uh... Hey, Melissa? (RATTLING) Stiles: Melissa. Malia: I could break it. Stiles: How about you not? I already owe this hospital enough money. Malia: Why would she lock the door? Stiles: Maybe she didn't mean to. Malia: You don't just accidentally lock a door. Stiles: Okay, well, maybe, she wasn't thinking, exactly. Or wasn't thinking it through. You know, people sometimes do things without thinking them through. Malia: Then she's stupid. Stiles: No, even smart people can do stupid things. You know, 'cause they think that it's the right thing. And I don't think we should hold it against her, you know, for the rest of her life! Especially because she's tried apologizing hundreds of times through texts and voicemails. Malia: Is she gonna keep begging? Stiles: She might. Malia: I don't have much practice in things like forgiveness. Some things I'm picking up fast. But other things are like... Stiles: Like math? Malia: I hate math. Stiles: You hate me? Malia: I like you, Stiles. I like you a lot. Stiles: I can work with that. (GRUNTS) (GROWLING) Scott: Wait! Wait! Brett! This is his place. It's his. Chris: Scott... If you bring in guests, you could have called. Scott: I didn't have anywhere else to take them. Satomi: I know this man. He may not remember, but we've met before. Scott: You can trust him. I trust him. Satomi: How do we know he's not like the others? Chris: What others? Kira: Last night, there was a whole team after them. And they used crossbows. Scott: They're hunters, aren't they? Chris: Not if they're killing for profit. Not anymore. Brett: Can they find us? Chris: They might already know you're here. Maybe they're waiting for dark. Kira: So we're not safe here? Satomi: We're not safe anywhere. We've been trying to get out for days. Everywhere we turn, we find someone new trying to kill us. Chris: If they're coming, Scott, they're coming for you too. You're still number one on the dead pool. Scott: I know. I know Lydia can get the answer from Meredith. She just needs more time. Chris: Then that's what she'll get. Brunski: (ON TAPE) Let's go, Lorraine. Lorraine: Listen to me. Please listen. There's something I have to do, something I have to stop. Brunski: I have to take you back to Eichen, Lorraine. (INCREASES VOLUME) Lorraine: No. No. I don't think you're gonna be taking me anywhere. I can hear the recorder in your pocket. It's on now, isn't it? You're making a tape. Just like you taped the others. Stiles: This didn't happen at Eichen House. Malia: But then where did she go? Stiles: That's what we need to find out. Lydia: I think I'm getting an idea of how all this happened. You used Brunski, right? You knew he'd killed people, and that he would do it again. He used my grandmother's code for the dead pool. He put it online. He took the money from the Hale Vault, then turned the bearer bonds into cash. He made the payments. Was it Brunski's idea to fake your death? Did he get nervous because you helped us with one of the cipher keys? Meredith: I wanted to help. Lydia: All you ever wanted to do was help. Is that why you're here? I know you wouldn't want to be here if you didn't want to talk. Meredith: I do. But only to one person. Lydia: Who? Meredith: Peter. Peter Hale. Brunski: Get back to Eichen, Lorraine. Lorraine: No. No. I don't think you're gonna be taking me anywhere. Malia: That's it. That's where it is. Play it again and turn it up. (TAPE REWINDING) No. No. Lorraine: I don't think you're gonna be taking me anywhere. I can hear the recorder in your pocket. It's on now, isn't it? You're making a tape. Just like you taped the others. (NEEDLE SCRATCHING FAINTLY) Malia: It's the record player. (TURNS TAPE OFF) Stiles: What record player? Malia: The one in the lake house, in the study. Stiles: So she escaped from Eichen House to go back to listen to a record player? Malia: Well, she was like Lydia, right? She was a Banshee? Stiles: Yeah, but only once. She predicted Maddy's death and then just spent decades trying to predict something else. Malia: Maybe she finally did. And what if this time, it wasn't just one death, it was a lot of deaths? Stiles: Like the dead pool. Malia: What if all those years ago, Lorraine predicted it? And she knew there was something in the study that could stop it? Stiles: Then we're going to the lake house. (BEEPING) (LOADING GUN) Scott: They'll be okay. Derek: They've got claws and fangs. But they're not fighters. Scott: That's why I called you. Derek: Well, try to remember I don't have claws and fangs anymore either. Braeden: That's why he called me. Kira: Am I the only one still hoping this is all just a false alarm? I mean, it's possible we could wait here all night and nothing happens. Right? Braeden: Scott, you heard anything from Stiles or Lydia yet? Scott: Lydia's still talking to Meredith. Stiles and Malia are headed to the lake house. They're trying to stop it. Brett: What if there is no stopping it? What if it doesn't end until we're all dead? Derek: Then let's send a message. Let's make something perfectly clear to anyone with a copy of that list. It doesn't matter if they're professional assassins, hunters, or an amateur who just picked up a gun. Anyone who thinks they can hunt and kill us for money, is gonna be put on another list. Our list. They get to be a name on our dead pool. Peter: Her? That's the girl that stole my money? Lydia: That girl is a Banshee. They're more dangerous than you think. Peter: Oh, I think that girl's pilot light went out a long time ago. Sheriff, not to question the unquestionably sterling reputation of your department, but are you absolutely sure you got the one? Sheriff: How about you just go in there and see what she has to say? Peter: Okay... Meredith, where's my money? Or more correctly, what's left of it. Deputy Parrish: Let her go. Let her go. Peter: Why did you do that? Meredith: They're all gone. Lydia: Oh, my God. They have met before. Meredith: The burns. They're all... gone. Chris: I remember meeting you, but you weren't a Buddhist back then. Satomi: And you weren't protecting werewolves. You were hunting them. Chris: Three things cannot long be hidden... The sun. The moon. The truth. What exactly does that mean? Satomi: The truth cannot stay hidden. Chris: I know what the saying means. What does it mean for you? Satomi: The truth for me is that we, my kind, are violent creatures, who eventually will not be able to control their violent impulses. The mantra helps us subdue our nature. Chris: But you're still violent creatures. Satomi: Aren't we all? (ALARM BEEPING) Chris: They're coming. Peter: Meredith, you put everyone, including my nephew and my daughter on a death list. Don't you think you owe us the slightest explanation of why? Meredith: You said it had to be kept secret. Peter: I said? I said that to you? Meredith: You said it. Peter: Meredith. Allow me to remind you yet again, we have never met... Ever. Sheriff: What is he doing? Meredith: You don't remember? Peter: No. But maybe you do. No, don't! (SCREAMS) Braeden: Get back! (GRUNTING) Lydia: Don't! Don't touch them. If you break the bond you could kill them. Both of them. Sheriff: What are we supposed to do? Lydia: I, uh... I don't know. Deputy Parrish: What the hell is he doing to her? (INHALES DEEPLY) (INAUDIBLE) [SCENE_BREAK] Dr. Vandenberg: Patient has been non-responsive for several weeks. No sign of physical trauma, no response to external stimuli. Our feeling is the damage is primarily psychological. (MURMURING INDISTINCTLY) Stilinski: (LOW) Do you hear that? She's saying something. Deputy Parrish: Can you understand that? Lydia: I can. I can hear perfectly. (CONTINUES MURMURING) Lydia: She was in the hospital. The same hospital. Deputy Parrish: Same as who? Lydia: Peter. Dr Vandenberg: Here we have a rather extraordinary case. Near fatal burn victim. The interesting part is that typically in a situation like this, the coma is induced medically as the pain is normally too much for the patient to bear. We're not sure how Mr. Hale became comatose, however. His survival is honestly a mystery we're still trying to solve. Moving on. (MEREDITH CONTINUES MURMURING) Lydia: It was right after the fire. Meredith could hear him. Sheriff: Hear what? Lydia: Everything. She was hearing every thought in his head, like they'd somehow found the same wavelength. And now everything going through his mind was also going right into hers. Stilinski: For how long? Lydia: Weeks. Maybe even months. It was almost like he was standing right over her bed talking about the fire. About getting revenge. (DISTORTED SPEECH) Peter: I predicted this. I told... I told Talia this was going to happen. Something like this was going to happen. I said that they were gonna come for us. The Argents. They're gonna come for us. They are gonna burn us to the ground. Burn us to the ground. Did she listen? Of course not. Did anyone listen? They listened to her. Yes! Say that everything was going to be fine. That we were all perfectly safe. Meredith: (WHISPERS) Peter: Perfectly safe. But she made us weak! She made us weak. And what happens to the weakest in the herd? They get picked off by the predators! We used to be the apex predators. Until Talia turned us into sheep. But I'll start over. Like a vengeful God, I will raze this earth to the ground! I will take out all of them! Not just the wolves, but the Wendigos, the Banshees, every shape shifter. I will obliterate the weak and I will remake the supernatural of Beacon Hills in my image. I won't have to do any of it myself. Because I'll hire people. Assassins. Professional killers. People like The Mute. The Chemist. Even... Someone like the Desert Wolf. I'll use the money in the Vault. The bearer bonds. I'll use every penny if I have to. I'll start with the professionals, and then maybe I'll disseminate the list further. No. No. Not a list. A dead pool. Eventually everybody will want a chance. Anyone can become a killer for the right price because when it comes down to it, everyone can be corrupted by money! (BREATHING HEAVILY) Lydia: It was your idea and you don't even remember. (NEEDLE SCRATCHING FAINTLY) (SIGHS) Stiles: What are we doing? This room wasn't even made for us. No, we need someone like Lydia or Meredith, and we're just sitting here listening to a stupid record player play a record that doesn't play anything. Come on. There's plenty of other things we can be totally useless doing. (DOOR OPENING) (FAINT WHIRRING) Malia: Stiles. Stiles: Yes? Malia: I can still hear it. Stiles: But it's not on. Malia: Then it's something else. Something spinning. Stiles: Uh... Malia: What is this? Stiles: A dead pool. (GUNS FIRING) (GRUNTS) (ROARING) (SNARLS) Derek: How many are there? Braeden: Too many! Peter: Are you kidding me? Sheriff: Hands where I can see them. Peter: How the hell was I supposed to remember any of that? Lydia: She got it from you. (BREATHING SHAKILY) Peter: I was out of my mind. Do you know what it's like for one of us to be in a coma? Paralyzed but cognizant? You try not going crazy. Deputy Parrish: She was listening to you. Peter: She was listening to the ranting and raving of a lunatic. A former lunatic. I'm much healthier now. I had nothing to do with this. Sheriff: If she was following your lead on this, then how do we know there isn't more? Peter: Stealing my own money? Really? Stilinski: You were going to use it anyway. Lydia: Stop. Stop it. This is what she wants. It's why she's here. Look around, Sheriff. There's three people in here right now. Three people still on the dead pool. Me, Parrish... And Meredith. Deputy Parrish: But not him. Peter: Lydia's right. We don't want to kill each other. Sheriff: The only person I'm pointing a gun at is you. Peter: Then you better make it a perfect shot, Sheriff, because I don't go down easy. Sheriff: I'm willing to bet that a bullet between the eyes doesn't heal real fast... Not even for your kind. Lydia: Stop. Please, stop. Peter: This department's getting more corrupted by the second. What are you going to charge me with, Sheriff? How are you going to explain this to a judge? Telepathic girl overhears thoughts of comatose werewolf and decides to enact his plans for retribution? Hmm. (CLICKS TONGUE) Peter: They're gonna be pointing a gun at your head and asking you to go quietly. (GUN CLICKING) Lydia: Let him go. You have to let him go. Peter: I'd take the word of a Banshee, Sheriff. I leave. No triggers pulled. No blood shed. Sheriff: That's twice, Peter. There's not gonna be a third. Meredith: No. It's not finished. No, it's not finished! No! It's not... It's not finished! Stiles: You can't just smash it to pieces. Okay? If this thing's being used to disseminate the list, then it's probably gonna keep going until everyone's dead. Malia: Then what do we do? Stiles: It needs some kind of prompt or command or something, right? No, no, no. Malia: What about a key? (GUNS FIRING) Scott: Get the others back. Tell them to hide. Kira! Kira! Stiles: You see it? There's got to be a way to turn it off, right? Lydia: I don't know. I don't know anything about computers from the 1970s. Malia: Neither do we. Lydia: Okay, where's the monitor? Stiles: Lydia, there is no monitor. There are buttons, knobs, spindles, no monitor. Lydia: Wait, turn the phone back. Point it at the carpet. Stiles: The what? Lydia: The floor! Just show me the floor. Where's the stain? There should be red blotches, a wine stain. Stiles: There's nothing. Lydia: That doesn't make sense. I gave the $500 I was supposed to use to hire cleaners to Brunski. Stiles: Lydia, what the hell does wine have to do with anything? Lydia: Red wine doesn't just disappear. Unless it wasn't wine. Stiles: What? What do you mean? Lydia: The ashes weren't ashes. The study isn't a study. The record player isn't a record player. So... So maybe the wine wasn't wine. Stiles, you have to find the wine. Find the bottle. There could be something about it. Stiles: What kind? What's it called? Lydia: It's a 1982 Cotes du Rhone. (RATTLING) Stiles: I think there's something inside. Do you have, like, a wine opener or... (GUNS FIRING) (EXPLOSION) Lori: Brett? Brett, where are you? (ROARING) (GROWLING) (CELL PHONES CHIMING) Kira: Is it over? Really over? Lydia: Are you okay? I guess you are, aren't you? (SIGHS) Lydia: For someone who'd put their own name on a hit list. Meredith: I had to. Lydia: Why? Meredith: Because I heard you. I heard you scream in the tunnels at Oak Creek. Lydia: Allison! Meredith: That's why I knew it was the right time... To start over. (INHALES SHARPLY) Lydia: But with Peter? Meredith: He's the alpha. He's always been the alpha. He'll make it right. It never was with us. Too many people died because of us. We're the monsters. Even Banshees. Even me. Lydia: I don't believe that. Not all monsters do monstrous things. Meredith: Like who? Lydia: Like Scott. Meredith: Like you. (WHISPERS) Oh, God. What have I done? Kate: You look nervous. Peter: I'm not nervous. I'm rattled. I don't like being rattled. Kate: But it's over. The dead pool's done. And if you need to be reminded, everything else is going exactly your way. Peter: Not exactly my way. Kate: Maybe every little piece in your game didn't move just as predicted, but they still moved perfectly into place. (WATER DRIPPING) Kate: You wanna bail on the plan. Peter: Of course not. Not when I'm this close. Not when I'm this close to killing Scott McCall.

Kira saves Brett Talbot and another werewolf named Lori from a team of hunters. Scott races to the Clinic, reunites with Kira and meets Satomi and her pack. Lydia tries to get Meredith to talk, but she will only talk to Peter, who reads her mind to find out how she knows him. Lydia discovers that during her stay in the hospital, Meredith was placed in the same room as Peter, and involuntarily listened to Peter's thoughts and plans. When Meredith heard Lydia's scream when Allison was killed, she decided to carry out Peter's plan; Brunski stole Peter's money from the vault, and she hired assassins to eliminate every supernatural creature in Beacon Hills. The hunters track down Satomi's pack and are fought off. During the fight, Scott further transforms into a new form, but regains control when the hunter he was fighting surrenders. Stiles and Malia discover a room filled with old computer servers behind the wall of the soundproof study at the lake house. They shut down the computers, deactivating the deadpool and terminating the Benefactor's contracts. Peter meets with Kate and continues with his plan to kill Scott and steal his powers.

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DELTA AND THE BANNERMEN PART THREE Run time: 24:22 [SCENE_BREAK] Chalet area [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Give me Delta and I will give you your life. The Doctor: Life? What do you know about life, Gavrok? You deal in death. Lies, treachery and murder are your currency. You promise life, but in the end it will be life which defeats you. Gavrok: You have said enough. I have traversed time and space to find the Chimeron queen. I will not be defeated. The Doctor: As you will. I came here under a white flag and I will leave under that same white flag, and woe betide any man who breaches its integrity. Now step aside! Release those prisoners. The Doctor: Gavrok, it's over. You're finished, and we're leaving. The Doctor: Actually, I think I may have gone a little too far. [SCENE_BREAK] Welsh countryside [SCENE_BREAK] Callon: Up. Arrex: Up, up. Hawk: What's happening now, Weismuller? Weismuller: I don't know, but whatever it is, it's, it's better than, than just sitting around. Hey! Holy mackerel. Weismuller: Boy. Listen, let's try sitting down again, eh? Hawk: Okay. Weismuller: All right. One, two, three. Ray: I thought they'd never go. Can you move? Hawk: Sure, if I leave my neck behind. Weismuller: Oh, gee. It's no use, lady. They've got a special kind of wrench. It's sort of like a dinky Allen key. Ray: Is this dinky enough? Hawk: It's looking good, sister. Ray: I'll have you out in a minute, then follow me in your car. Weismuller: Who is she? [SCENE_BREAK] Country lane [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: We did it, Doctor! Free! The Doctor: Yes, there's more to this than we can fry, Mel. The Doctor: Duck! Mel: Did they get you, Doctor? The Doctor: No, and I don't think they intended to. Mel: You could have fooled me. [SCENE_BREAK] Goronwy's cottage [SCENE_BREAK] Goronwy: This is the queen's hive. Billy: What's that white stuff? Goronwy: Oh, royal jelly. It's a superfood created by the bees themselves. It has the ability to change an ordinary worker bee's larvae into a queen. Billy: And that's all there is to it, a better diet? Goronwy: Never underestimate the powers of nature, Billy. Now, I want to show you something. [SCENE_BREAK] Honey store [SCENE_BREAK] Goronwy: Now, look at all those jars. Wales' finest honey, all created by my little friends. Billy: How long did it take them to make all this lot? Goronwy: Oh, I don't know. We've been working together so long I've completely lost track of all time. But I remember this one especially well. 1932, a hot summer and abundant cherry blossom. A classic honey. Delta: She's due to change. The singing time is near. Billy: What's the singing time? Delta: The next stage in her growth. This food will help boost her energy for the change. Billy: Will she grow up to be a princess, too? Delta: Yes. Her hair and her eyes are already changing. I've fed her this since she was born. Billy: Sometimes that sounds good, other times it's horrible. Delta: One frequency is an attack warning, and the other is musical. Soon she'll be able to control both. Goronwy: Ah, Ray's back with those two lovely American gentlemen. Goronwy: Hello! [SCENE_BREAK] Welsh countryside [SCENE_BREAK] Callon: Tracker dart in place, sir, but the prisoners have escaped. Gavrok (O.C.): Idiot. Pursue at once. I will follow the signal. [SCENE_BREAK] Country lane [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Let's go that way. The Doctor: Which way? That way? [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Shangri La [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Return to the fighter. Gavrok: Sonic cone. [SCENE_BREAK] Field [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Doctor! Mel: Why are we stopping, Doctor? The Doctor: In order to lengthen our odds, may I borrow a length of your ribbon? [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Goronwy's cottage [SCENE_BREAK] Hawk: All I know is, they're not Americans. Ray: But we've already explained who they are. Weismuller: Yeah, they're like hit men from Mars. Hawk: You too, Weismuller? Whoever they are, I plan to get even. Goronwy: Listen. Ray: You rescued them, Doctor! The Doctor: Ah, we're not in the clear yet. Er, Ray tells me you've got some honey stored, Goronwy. Goronwy: Only about ten thousand jars, Doctor. The Doctor: Excellent! Billy, Ray, you come with me and Goronwy. I've got one final thing to do. [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok's spaceship [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Signal has stabilised. Prepare to blast off. [SCENE_BREAK] Goronwy's cottage [SCENE_BREAK] Weismuller: But it's our patriotic duty to call Washington, Hawk. Hawk: Yeah, well, you go ahead, Weismuller. I ain't licked yet. The Doctor: She saved Delta's life with a warning cry. She's now into the singing time. Billy: Do you think there are any more of them? The Doctor: Certainly. We'd better get back to the TARDIS, so we'll get ready to leave immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok's spaceship [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Prepare to land. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Goronwy's cottage [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Now, I need something of Delta's. The Doctor: Thank you. The Doctor: Are you ready, my cariad? Ray: Doctor. The Doctor: Head 'em up! Roll 'em out! [SCENE_BREAK] Goat field [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: What is this? Arrex: Gavrok! I found their hideout, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Goronwy's cottage [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: They're still there. Stand by to storm it. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Shangri La [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Stay back! The TARDIS has been booby-trapped. Hawk: Booby-trapped? Ain't nothing but a telephone booth. The Doctor: See up there, next to the light? There's a small beam weapon. It emits a cone of sensitivity all round the TARDIS. Anything entering that cone detonates an explosion. Ray: Can't you somehow get around it? The Doctor: I don't know. It's a very sophisticated system. Hawk: I reckon this is all so much eyewash. I'm a-calling the chief. The Doctor: I did warn you. If you'd have stepped into that beam, you'd have been atomised. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Goronwy's cottage [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Open fire! [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Shangri La [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Mister Burton? Burton: Yes? The Doctor: Take everyone back to the camp. Burton: Right. The Doctor: Let me stay here and try and work out how to diffuse that booby-trap, because if it explodes with its full force, it'll take us all with it. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Goronwy's cottage [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Forward! Gavrok: Where are they? Scum! Bannerman: Gavrok! [SCENE_BREAK] Garage [SCENE_BREAK] Delta: What's that you're hiding, Billy? Delta: You haven't been eating that, have you? Billy: I had to, Delta. I'm not a Chimeron, but if I'm to come with you, then I have to become one. Delta: But it's never been tried on humans before. It might kill you. Billy: It'll be all right. I think. Look at my skin and my hair. They're already changing. Burton: Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're ready for you at the office now, Billy. Billy: Sure thing, Mister Burton. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Shangri La [SCENE_BREAK] Ray: Oh, what are you doing, Doctor? The Doctor: Well, I was marking out where the sonic cone meets the ground. Ray: Why? The Doctor: Well, you see, the beam casts a shadow at the base of the TARDIS. Now, if we could tunnel under the cone and come up in that shadow, then perhaps I could disarm it. Ray: Er, Doctor? The Doctor: Yes, I know it's time consuming, but it's our only choice. Ray: No, look. The Doctor: Apart from plan B. Run! [SCENE_BREAK] Main hall [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: They're here! Ray, everyone else stay here until its safe to come out. Goronwy, have you got the beeswax? Thank you. Delta and your daughter, come with me. Barricade the door. [SCENE_BREAK] Office [SCENE_BREAK] Burton: Oh, I haven't used it in over forty years, but it'll still put the wind up a Bannerman. Billy: Almost finished with these connections, Mister Burton. Burton: Through shot and shell, eh? We'll teach these blighters a lesson. The Doctor: Oh! Excellent effort, Mister Burton, but the weapon we're using will be a little more sophisticated. Are you ready, Billy? Billy: Ready to rock and roll. The Doctor: Right, let's roll. [SCENE_BREAK] Chalet block roof [SCENE_BREAK] Billy: They're coming. The Doctor: All haste and no speed makes Jill a dull girl. Pass the side cutters. [SCENE_BREAK] Play area [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Once inside, you will kill everyone except the young princess. I will deal with her personally. [SCENE_BREAK] Chalet block roof [SCENE_BREAK] Billy: Now? The Doctor: A moment's impatience would mean our certain annihilation. [SCENE_BREAK] Play area [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Snipers, forward! Kill them! On the roof! [SCENE_BREAK] Chalet block roof [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Ah, they've spotted us, Billy. Run! [SCENE_BREAK] Play area [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok: Forward! [SCENE_BREAK] Office [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Now! [SCENE_BREAK] Play area [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Secure them with these. Weismuller: Oh, thanks, Doctor. You know, when I was an Eagle scout, knots was my best thing. Okay, pal, here's my speciality. A running noose combined with a dog shank. How about that? [SCENE_BREAK] Office [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: It's over. Well done, Princess, that was wonderful. It's over, Mister Burton. The Doctor: Mister Burton, it's over. It's over. Burton: Oh! Aye. The Doctor: It's over, we won! Burton: Oh, lovely, lovely. The Doctor: Now, come and see your new spaceship, Delta, Princess. [SCENE_BREAK] Play area [SCENE_BREAK] Weismuller: Boy, you're the sorriest bunch of Bannermen I've ever seen. Delta: Thank you for your help and courage. All of you. Mel: Are Billy and the Doctor all right? Delta: Yes. Billy's just changing. [SCENE_BREAK] Billy's chalet [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I know without a male the race will be wiped out, but I haven't seen many examples of species crossing. There could be the most dreadful mutation. Billy: It's our only chance, Doctor. The Doctor: I can't condone this foolishness, but then, love has never been known for its rationality. [SCENE_BREAK] Main hall [SCENE_BREAK] Goronwy: And then, you see, the new young queen comes along and the whole colony swarms all around her, and off they go to find a new hive. A new hive and a new life. Hawk: That's amazing. Goronwy: Well, let's go and see what's happening. [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok's spaceship [SCENE_BREAK] Weismuller: Well, that should hold them all the way back to Mars, or wherever you're going. Delta: Considerably further than that. Weismuller: Bye. Delta: Bye-bye. Billy: Everything ship-shape? Delta: Yes. Billy: I'll just stow all my gear. [SCENE_BREAK] Play area [SCENE_BREAK] Ray: What are you thinking, Doctor? The Doctor: I was just speculating what this vehicle would be like with more sophisticated braking and suspension systems. Ray: Are you kidding? This is the best there is. Delta: I don't know how I can ever thank you for what you've done. You've saved my planet and my people. You will always be welcome. Billy: Goodbye, everyone. I'll always think of you here at Shangri La, Ray. Ray: Goodbye, Billy. I won't forget you, either. Billy: Oh, I almost forgot. Will you look after the Vincent for me? Remember to feather the clutch. Ray: Bye. All: Bye! [SCENE_BREAK] Gavrok's spaceship [SCENE_BREAK] Singer: Love is the answer. Here's to the future. Billy: Let's make this baby fly. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Shangri La [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Stop! The Doctor: No, don't worry. Gavrok absorbed so much energy that the device has lost all its power. The Doctor: Way hey. Ah, Mister Burton. Thank you for saving Mel's life. Burton: No, thank you, Doctor. I haven't had such a shindig since I went buffalo hunting in Africa. Oh, it's a ferocious brute, you know, the buffalo. Goronwy: 1928, hibiscus blossom. The Doctor: Oh, what a sweet gesture. Oh, you're more than a collector, Goronwy. You're a man of taste. Burton: Oh, good heavens. The Skegness Glee Club, and I haven't got any staff. Burton: Oh, I'll have to go. Goodbye, my dear. Mel: Goodbye. Burton: Ah, welcome, campers. Now I am your camp leader while you are at Shangri La. My name is Burton. The Doctor: I believe this is your satellite, gentlemen. Weismuller: We did it! We actually did it, Hawk. Hawk: It's wonderful! It's wonderful! Weismuller: Thanks, Doctor.

As Billy and Ray do what they can to help save Delta and the baby, the Doctor and Goronwy the beekeeper face Gavrok and his Bannermen one last time...

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Act One. Scene One - Caf Nervosa The waitress is serving Frasier, it's his usual (or is it?). Waitress: Here you go Doc, your usual. Frasier: My usual. How lovely it is to have a usual. [tastes it] What is this? Waitress: Latte with nutmeg and cinnamon. Frasier: Ah, no, no, no, that's my brother's usual. Mine is the double Kona with cream. Niles: [entering:] Oh, Frasier, am I glad to see you. Waitress: [to Niles:] Your usual, Doc? Niles: Please. [she hands Frasier's to Niles, then he carries on:] Thank you! Frasier: Niles, you seem more than usually agitated today. Problem? Niles: I'm meeting my publisher here in five minutes. Remember the book deal I signed last month, the one you were so jealous of? Frasier: I wasn't jealous of it, Niles, you just wanted me to be jealous. Niles: It's all moot anyway, the deal's about to be killed. It turns out the idea I sold them had already been done. They gave me until today to think up an alternative and I've got bupkes. I've got less than bupkes. I've got what bupkes keeps for lint in the bottom of his pocket! Frasier: Can't you just ask for an extension? Niles: No, no, I've asked for two already. [He sees the publisher walking in.] Niles: Oh God there he is. Sam, so good to see you. Sam: Niles. Niles: Sam Tanaka, my brother Dr. Frasier Crane. Frasier: My pleasure. [the waitress brings Frasier's coffee] Sam: Nice to meet you. Niles: Sam, would you like a coffee? Sam: [points to Frasier's cup:] Oh, I'll have what he's having. [Niles takes Frasier's cup and gives it to Sam.] Niles: So you shall. Frasier: [to waitress:] One more, please. Sam: Wait a second, you're the doctor from the radio, aren't you? Frasier: Guilty as charged. Sam: I listen to your show all the time. Frasier: Well, thank you. Sam: I never put it together that you two of you were brothers. Niles: All our lives. [laughs] Sam: Well, you two must have incredible insight into sibling relationships. Frasier: No more than your average psychiatrist brothers. [laughs] Sam: So Niles, what's your idea? Niles: [nearly crying:] My idea... Well Sam, you know I've given it a lot of thought, and it's not easy... Sam: You'd almost think there's a book in that. Niles: In what? Sam: Two psychiatrist brothers writing about sibling relationships. Niles: That, Sam, is why you are the most respected publisher in the greater Seattle area. That is exactly the idea we were going to pitch to you. Frasier: What? I hate to interrupt... Sam: Terrific! Gentlemen, I'm going to cancel my lunch date so I can take you two out to celebrate. Niles: Well, we were going to write today, but OK. [Sam leaves.] Frasier: Niles, what the hell are you doing? I don't want to write a book. For God's sake, I'm out of here. Niles: Frasier, I know it's asking a big favor. I mean, I know you're busy. But I want you to know that all of my life I've dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library and go to the card catalogue and see my name under "mental illness" - the day I could finally feel what you feel; that I'm somebody, not just one more dusty little psychiatrist in a grey pinstripe suit. Frasier: Oh Niles, I... Niles: Come on! We haven't collaborated on anything together since we wrote the spring musical in prep school. Frasier: Well, it was well received. And it did get us out of gym class. Niles: It could be like that again. Frasier: I don't know, Niles... Niles starts humming the tune from their old musical; Frasier starts bouncing in rhythm to it. Niles: Ump-da, ump-da, ump-da, da-da-da, ump-da, ump-da, ump-da... Both: [singing:] Though some boys go to college, But we think they're all wussies, 'Cause they get all the knowledge, And we get all the... [dancing in a circle] Ump-da, ump-da, ump-da, da-da-da, ump-da, ump-da, ump-da... Frasier: Alright, I'll do it! Niles: Yes! [SCENE_BREAK] IT WAS PROBABLY LAKE SMITH Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Later, Frasier answers the door to his partner, Niles. Martin is by the television. Frasier: Tu ma frere. Niles: Tu ma frere. Martin: Hello Niles, what are you doing over here? Frasier: Oh Dad, I told you it's our first writing session tonight. Martin: But I thought you were doing it over at Niles's house. Niles: Er, we were supposed to. Unfortunately, it's Maris's turn to host her sherry tasting group and things tend to get a little raucous when she does. Martin: But "The Silencer"'s on in twenty minutes. Frasier: Dad, I've solved that problem. He produces a pair of wireless headphones, the type you can use to hear your television while the sound is muted. Frasier: I've bought you these headphones, see? You'll be able to listen to the TV, without disturbing Niles and me as we work. Martin: What about Eddie? How's he going to hear? Frasier: He can read about the game in tomorrow's paper. Try 'em out, Dad. Martin puts them on and listens while watching the TV. Martin: [shouts:] Hey, not bad! [watches the TV] Niles: Very clever solution. Frasier: Yes, and it also has another little feature that I like a lot. Watch this. While Martin watches the TV, Frasier speaks out of his sight. Frasier: Hey, Dad! Nice shirt. Did they throw that in the last time you had your tires rotated? Martin doesn't respond, Frasier and Niles laugh. Niles: Hey Dad? Tell us about the time you met Dwight Eisenhower. We haven't heard that story this hour! [they laugh again] Frasier: Okay, okay, my turn. Hey, Dad? Remember- Martin: [obviously hearing:] Say another word and I'll club you both with my cane. The brothers hastily back off and sit at the dinner table. Martin settles down to watch the TV. Martin: This is great, thanks a lot. [puts earphones around Eddie's neck] You better watch out for this for me, Eddie. I'm going to get myself a little snack. Who wants some beer? Frasier: Just you! Alright now, Niles, this is no time to procrastinate. Niles: [poised at the keyboard of his laptop] OK, here we go. Chapter One. Page One. Paragraph One. I'm indenting! Frasier shuts the laptop. Frasier: I hate to squash your enthusiasm, but don't you think before We start actually typing the book, we should discuss what the book is going to be about! Niles: Forgive me for just barreling ahead, but damn it, I'm jazzed. You know we have to approach this book from a completely different angle from all of our previous writings, our dissertations, out theses... Frasier: Hmm, that's right. Yeah, this has to be interesting! Niles: Well, the obvious approach is case histories. We'll fill the book with anecdotes with brothers and sisters we've dealt with in our practice. Frasier: Yes, and if we throw in a few references to heaving bosoms, we're bound to make Book of the Month Club. Martin: Why, I could tell you a couple of stories about you guys you could throw in there. Niles: That's an idea, we could use ourselves, it would make a delicious introduction to our book. Frasier: I like the introduction idea. Dad, OK, give us a story which depicts little Frasier and little Niles at their conflicted best. Martin: Oh, that has to be when we went trout fishing up at that lake whats-its-name. Boy, you guys were at it tooth and nail. Niles: This is good, this is interesting. Martin: Now, what was the name of that lake again. Frasier: Dad, the name of the lake is immaterial. Martin: Indian word, Lake Whatchahatchi? Frasier: Dad, you're missing the point here. Martin: [ignoring:] Oh, your mother would know. Too bad she's dead! Er, whatacouchi, whatawoochi. It was an Indian word, it meant "Land of a thousand..." No! This is driving me nuts! I'm going to have to go in there and look it up. Frasier: Dad, we just wanted the story! Martin: No, it's alright. Now where the hell did I put my atlas? [leaves] Frasier: Quite a resource, isn't he? Niles: Alright, we'll just put the introduction on hold. Frasier: Okay, back to case histories. Well, I suppose I could go take my files out of storage after the re... [thinks of something] Niles, is there a light bulb over my head? Niles: You have an idea? Frasier: No, [sarcastically:] I'm actually asking you if there's a light bulb over my head! Of course I have an idea, it's my radio show. I mean, what better source of case histories can there be? I'll just ask my listeners to call in with their personal stories of sibling conflict, and you could be my guest on the show. Niles: So, what you're suggesting, is that exploit your listeners' lives for our own personal game? Frasier: In essence, yes. What do you think? Niles: I think it's borderline sleazy. Let's go for it! [SCENE_BREAK] THE MOTHER LODE Scene Three - KACL So, on the next day, Frasier is standing in Roz's booth, setting up for his show. Niles is sitting to the side of his console, in front of the guest's mike. Roz comes in and isn't too pleased. Frasier: Hello, Roz. Roz: Hey, Frasier. What's your brother doing here? Frasier: He's going to be my guest on the show today. Roz: Oh, no! I don't think so! I am the producer, and I approve all the guests. This wasn't run by me and I do not approve him! Frasier: OK, Roz, bye-bye, have a good show. He puts down his script and starts to leave the booth. Roz: Okay, okay. But I won't make him coffee, I won't run his Errands and I'm not taking any of his crapola. [through mike:] Hey, Niles, welcome aboard. [to Frasier:] Five seconds till air. Frasier: [into booth with Niles:] OK, Niles, sit down, take a deep breath and try not to spit on the mike! [ on air:] Hello Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. I have a very special guest with me today - my brother, the eminent psychiatrist, Dr. Niles Crane. Niles: Hello, Emerald City! What's doing, what's happenin'? Frasier: [off air:] What the hell do you think you're doing? Niles: That was my radio persona. Every successful radio personality has one. Frasier: I don't. Niles: My point exactly. Frasier: Just try to be yourself, will you? [on air:] Our topic today is siblings: what makes you love them, what makes you hate them... Niles: What little things do they do that especially annoy you? These could be things from your childhood OR they could things from your adolesence, OR they could be things from your young adulthood OR... Frasier: They could be things that are going on right now! Roz, who's our first caller? Roz: We have Donald from Bainbridge Island. He hasn't spoken to his brother for over twenty years. Frasier: Hello, Donald. Niles: I'm listening! Frasier: We're listening! Time Fade. The show is now nearing to a close. A woman called Laura is on the line, talking to Frasier whilst Niles is scribbling down all the details. Laura: [v.o.] I'll never forget it, Dr. Crane, I cried for two hours straight. Frasier: So, you were completely bald. Laura: Yes, the perm destroyed my hair. I was sure my sisters were going to laugh at me. But, they all kissed me and then they marched into the bathroom and shaved their heads too, just so I wouldn't feel like a freak. Frasier, Niles, and Roz share an amazed look over this story. Frasier: Amazing! Well, there you have it, Seattle - the miracle of the sibling relationship spelled out in an unselfish act of head-shaving. Well, that's about all the time we have. I'd like to thank my brother Dr. Niles Crane for being here today. Niles, I would shave my head for you. Niles: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year. [Roz hides a grin] Frasier: This is Dr. Frasier Crane, I'll be back tomorrow. One Crane flying solo. He goes off the air. Niles: Frasier, we have hit the mother lode. We've got enough information here for two volumes! I must aplogise for ever criticizing your radio program. Frasier: Oh, it's all water under the pont-neuf. Roz: [peering round:] I hate to break up the stroke-a-thon, but there's a Sam Tanaka on line one. Frasier: [presses button] Oh, hello Sam, you're on speakerphone. Sam: I caught the show today, fellas. Frasier: You did! And? Sam: Jackpot! [Frasier and Niles make ecstatic faces at each other] How's the writing coming? Niles: Oh, incredible, it's just falling like water. We've got, what, two or three chapters already. Sam: That's good to hear, because I just got off the phone with Reader's Digest. They're interested in the serialization rights. I need first few chapters to give them a taste, can you fax them right over? Niles and Frasier share a look of panic. Frasier: Well, Sam Of course we could, but you know, they're a little rough, Sam. Sam: No problem, you've got till Friday to polish them up. You can do that, right? Niles and Frasier look at each other in total dismay. Niles: Absolutely! Frasier: Friday's fine! Sam: Terrific, I love you guys! [hangs up] Frasier: My God, what are we going to do? Niles: Well now, let's remember we have all this material and now it's just a matter of putting it all together. Frasier: It's due on Friday! Niles: We'll settle down and do it by [stressed:] Friday! Frasier: Wait, wait, I just remembered a story about George and Ira Gershwin when they had to meet a deadline. They would lock themselves in a hotel room, free from distractions, and not come out until their task was complete. Niles: Brilliant! If we get hot we'll not only finish this volume but we can write another chorus to "Betsy Who Is My Woman Now." End of Act One (Time: 11:52) Act Two. GEORGE AND IRA Scene One - Hotel Room The Crane boys arrive at their hotel room. It's time to get to work. Niles: It's clean, it's sparkling, [re: paintings on walls] it's mass-produced art, it's totally devoid of charm - it's perfect. Let's get to work. Frasier: I'm with you, mon frere. We cannot be intimidated by the tyranny of a blank page. All we need to get a good start here is... Room Service! Niles: Frasier! Frasier: Niles, you're right! All we need is a good opening sentence. Something that will smack the reader right between the eyes and then take him on a virtual roller-coaster ride of self awareness and discovery. Niles: [typing] Frasier, while you were out there mixing metaphors like a Cuisinart, I've had a breakthrough. Voila! Our opening sentence! Frasier: [reading:] "From Romulus and Remus to the Le Nain Sisters, sibling relationships have sparked psychological debate throughout the world." [thinks] Interesting. Niles: You like it? Frasier: Well, I said it was interesting. The task ahead of us now is to decide whether we'd like an interesting opening or a good one. Niles: You're just being negative because you didn't think of it first. Frasier: No! In truth I'm not. I never cared for Romulus, I never cared for Remus and the reference to the Le Nain Sisters is from the friggin' moon. Niles: Well, alright, if you can do better, please be my guest. Frasier: I will. Ten-second pause. Niles: My fingers are poised over the keys... I'm waiting. Some time later, Frasier and Niles have taken off their jackets, they are sitting in the same exact spot and Niles is still twiddling his thumbs above the keyboard. They look more tired. Niles: I'm still waiting! Frasier: Alright, alright, put this down! "The key to a good sibling relationship is the ability to be open and honest." Niles: That actually sounded good to me. Frasier: Well, put that in there. Niles: [typing:] "The key to a good sibling relationship is the ability to be open and honest, while still respecting each other's boundaries." Frasier: What are you doing? What was that crap about boundaries? Niles: I was just finishing the thought. Frasier: The thought was finished. It didn't need finishing, for God's sake. Now it's a run-on sentence. Niles: I think it's much better this way. Frasier: Well, I don't! Niles: Well, I'm at the keyboard. Frasier: Alright then, let me type! Niles holds onto the keyboard, whilst Frasier tugs it. Niles: No, I can only write at the keyboard. Frasier: Niles, you haven't written a thing all day, except to ruin a perfectly good opening sentence. Niles: [mad:] I was merely finishing it, it was an incomplete thought. Frasier: You're an incomplete thought! What happened to the iced tea? Niles: I finished that too! Much later, both men are stripped down to their undershirts (Niles, of course, wears suspenders). Frasier is lying on the bed, guzzling drinks from the mini bar. Niles is barely awake over the keys, yawning. Frasier: Niles, I've just had an epiphany. Niles: Oh wonderful, we could use a second sentence. Frasier: No, it's not for the book. I've just realised why so many writers become bloated alcoholic suicides. [Niles types] No, don't type that in. Niles: I'm not, I'm adding up our tab from the mini-bar. We now owe... two hundred thirty-two dollars. Frasier: [looks out of window.] Oh, Dear God! Niles: Well, you're the damn fool that ate the whole jar of Macadamia nuts! Frasier: No, it's dawn. It's Friday! Oh Niles, why don't we just admit it. We can't work together, there's never going to be any book! Niles: [brushing up hair:] Not with that attitude, there isn't. Frasier: Oh, will you get off it! Come on, the fat lady has sung! The curtain has been run down here. I'll type it for you in capital letters! [he does] Niles: [reading:] "IT'S UVER?" Frasier: Let's just go home. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier gets up and goes to the door, while Niles picks up a bottle that came from the mini-bar. Niles: Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised you'd give up so easily. It's not your dream, after all. Why should it be, Mr. Bigshot Radio Host? Frasier: Oh, so that's what this little tantrum is all about, huh? You're jealous of my celebrity? Niles: It's not a tantrum, and I'm not jealous. I'm just [angry:] FED UP! I'm fed up with being second all the time. You know, I wanted to be a psychiatrist like Mom way before you did, but because you were older you got there first. You were first to get married. You were first to give Dad the grandchild he always wanted. By the time I get around to doing anything, it's all chewed meat! Frasier: You're crying about something that we can't change! Niles: Oh, you wouldn't change it if you could, you love it! Frasier: Oh, let it go, Niles! Niles: I can't let it go! My nose is rubbed in it every day! I'm the one on the board of the Psychiatric Association, my research is well respected in academic circles, four of my patients have been elected to political office, but it's your big fat face they put on the side of buses! Frasier: I do not have a fat face! Niles: Oh please, I've been wondering how long you're going to store those nuts for winter! Frasier: Well, at least I'm not SPINDLY! Niles: Who you calling spindly, Fat Face? Frasier: You, Spindly. Niles: Fat Face! Frasier: Spindly! Niles: Fat Face! Frasier: Spindly! Niles: Fat Face! Frasier: You take that back! Niles: You make me. Frasier: I will make you. Niles: I don't see you making me. Frasier: Well, here's making you... Frasier reaches forward and pulls a hair out of Niles's chest. Niles: OW! Frasier turns toward the door. Niles runs after him and jumps on his back. Growling, Frasier spins around and slams Niles against the wall, twice. Losing his wind, Niles drops off Frasier's back, and they grapple with their arms. Niles: [levering Frasier's chin] Here's your fat face! Gimme that- Frasier: Gimme that- As they wrestle, Niles gets the upper hand by placing Frasier in a headlock. He laughs triumphantly. Frasier: Niles! Niles! Stop it! We're psychiatrists, not pugilists! Niles, looking stunned, releases him. Frasier: I can't believe you fell for that! [seizes Niles in a headlock] Niles tries to break free, Frasier throws him onto the bed, then leaps onto him with a yell. He starts to throttle Niles. Niles: My God, my God, I'm having a flashback: you're climbing in my crib and jumping on me! Frasier: YOU STOLE MY MOMMY! Suddenly realizing his insanity, Frasier stops and gets off the bed. Frasier: Oh my God, oh my God. Niles, I've gotta get out of here. This entire idea has been a fiasco since the start. It's the stupidest idea you ever had, I should never have agreed to it! Goodbye! He grabs his briefcase and exits without bothering to get dressed. As he slams the door behind him, Niles, whipped, tumbles off the bed onto the floor. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment The next morning, Frasier enters the main room of his apartment where Martin and Daphne are sitting. Frasier: Morning, all. Martin: Morning. Daphne: You seem cheerful this morning, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Why shouldn't I be? Martin: Well, it's going to rain again, jobless rate's up, [Frasier bites into a muffin] and about two minutes ago Eddie was licking that muffin. Frasier puts the muffin down and washes out his mouth, the door bell goes. Daphne: Oh, I'll get it. Frasier: Dad, the mark of a pure man is that one that realizes he can't control his circumstances, he can only control his response. Martin: Have you talked to your brother yet? Frasier: [going to kitchen] I do not have a brother! I'm an only child! Daphne: [answering door to Niles] Oh, hello Dr. Crane. Niles: Hello Daphne, [walks in] Dad. Frasier comes out of the kitchen and sees Niles. Frasier: What are you doing here? Niles: [to Martin:] Dad, I would like you to convey a message from me to Frasier. Martin: What makes you think I know where he is? Niles: Tell him, he owes me half this hotel bill. Tell him I'll accept cash but no personal checks, as I know he has trouble writing things! Martin hands the bill to Frasier. Frasier: I'm not paying any of this! Niles: So, you're cheap as well as intellectually barren. Frasier: And you're a no-talent hack. Niles: And you look stupid in a t-shirt! Martin: Alright, that's enough. Sit down and listen to me. Sit down. [they do.] I never had a brother, but I had a partner once, my first, Mitch Gussy. Big bear of a guy, arms like tree- trunks. Mitch and I would go to ball games together, we'd play cards, and this was after work with eight hours together... Frasier: Dad, that's all very nice... Martin: Just listen to me. Three months into our partnership, Gus and I got assigned to a stakeout. Three days in the front seat of a Chevy Nova together. Sitting up, drinking too much coffee. It didn't take long before we started getting on each other's nerves. Niles: Because he was a big, egotistical fat-face? Martin: Because we were human. He didn't like this about me, I didn't like that about him, so it got ugly. When the stakeout was over Gus requested a transfer and that was fine by me. Three months later, he was stabbed after breaking up a bar fight. By the time I got to the hospital, it was too late. Beat. Martin: Take what you want from this story, guys. All I know is, it ain't worth it. Daphne: [runs to the kitchen, crying:] Excuse me, I need a hanky. Martin: Isn't there something you'd like to say to your brother? Frasier: Yes Dad, I suppose there is. [holding the muffin Eddie licked:] Niles, would you like a muffin? Martin: Frasier! Frasier: Alright! Niles, sorry things didn't work out with the book. You have no reason to feel inferior to me. You're an accomplished psychiatrist, a decent man, and you stand second to no-one. Niles: Thank you Frasier. The truth is, I've always looked up to you and admired you. Martin: Alright, enough of this mushy girly stuff. Just shake hands, punch each other on the shoulder and be done with it. Frasier: Oh, what the heck! Niles and Frasier hug, which just disappoints Martin. Martin walks into the kitchen for a Ballantine and finds Daphne crying. Martin: What are you crying about? Daphne: I just keep thinking about poor Gus, it must be so hard on you carrying all that pain around. Martin: There was no Gus, I just made him up. Daphne: What?! Martin: Well, at least there's one good writer in this family. Daphne hits Martin with a cloth, after feeling used. End of Act Two. (Time: 22:10) [SCENE_BREAK] That night, in the kitchen, there are some muffins on a plate. Eddie jumps up onto the side, knocks the muffin on to the floor and jumps down so he can have his feast.

Offered the chance to fulfill his lifelong dream of authoring a book, Niles enlists Frasier to help him pen a guide to healthy sibling relationships. Faced with writer's block and looming deadlines, the two brothers lock themselves in a hotel room until the book is complete, and begin driving each other crazy.

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Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: I got to tell you, the more I read about the primordial gravity wave discovery, the more excited I get. Raj: I know. Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star. Howard: Only without the s*x. Raj: Yeah, literally, none of it. Leonard: What do you think about it, Sheldon? Sheldon: Meh. Raj: Are you kidding me? This may be the biggest scientific breakthrough of our lifetime. How can you, as a theoretical physicist, not care about this? Sheldon: Maybe it's because I'm not an elitist. What I'd like to know is, how does this gravity wave breakthrough help the man on the street? You know? Who's looking out for Joe six-pack and all his quantum physics concerns? Leonard: Oh, my God, you're jealous. Sheldon: Why would I be jealous? Leonard: Oh, I don't know. Maybe because the origin of the universe just got proven, the Higgs field just got proven, and you've been working on string theory for the last 20 years and you're no closer to proving it than when you started. Sheldon: Yeah, well, I've had a lot on my plate. We happen to live in a golden age of television. Barry: Excuse me, fewwas. Sowwy for eavesdwopping, but there actually was some big stwing theowy news today out of the Hadwon Cowwider. Sheldon: Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions or supersymmetry? Barry: No, but they did find evidence that you'll bewieve anything. Sheldon: Why would you do that? You're a string theorist as well. Barry: Incowwect. I am a stwing pwagmatist. I say I'm gonna pwove something that cannot be pwoved, I appwy for gwant money, and then I spend it on wiquor and bwoads. Water. Sheldon: Do you think he's right? Am I wasting my life on a theory that can never be proven? Howard: Maybe. But how great is Game of Thrones? Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Penny: Hey, you're up early. Sheldon: I couldn't sleep. Penny: I told you those Walking Dead pillowcases were a bad idea. Sheldon: No, that's not it. Penny: Is something bothering you? Sheldon: Yes, but you wouldn't understand. Penny: Oh, come on, try me. Sheldon: All right. I've devoted the prime of my life to string theory and its quest for the compactification of extra dimensions. I've got nothing to show for it, and I feel like a fool. Penny: Okay. I get it. I mean, not all the jibberjabber in the middle, but I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it. Sheldon: You mean your acting career? Penny: No. Sheldon: Your relationship with Leonard? Penny: No. Sheldon: Your failed attempt to go back to college? Penny: No. I'm saying you and string theory sound like a relationship, and I know what it's like to be in one and realize it's never gonna turn out the way you want. Sheldon: I said Leonard, you said no. Penny: I'm talking about other guys. Sheldon: Okay. Well, what do you do? Penny: You have to have the courage to end the relationship. You know? Break it off, shake hands, walk away. Sheldon: I don't know if I can do that. Penny: I know it's hard, honey, but in the end, that's how you grow. Leonard: Penny, have you seen my good inhaler? Sheldon: Break it off, shake hands, walk away. Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: Hey, how's dating two women going? Raj: Um, kind of hit a bump. When I was honest and told Emily she wasn't the only person I was seeing, it went great. So I tried the same thing with Lucy. Howard: And? Raj: She had mixed feelings. But when I said, Emily was cool with it. Emily's the best. Why can't you be more like Emily? Those feelings became less mixed. Leonard: Women. Who knows what'll set 'em off? Raj: At least now I can focus all my energies on just one girl. Howard: I hope I get to meet her as soon as possible. Raj: Why the rush? She isn't going anywhere. Howard: She is. But I like that attitude. Sheldon: Gentlemen, is anybody interested in my old string theory books? Raj: You're really going to do this? Sheldon: I am. Yeah, Penny pointed out that what I'm going through is essentially a breakup. And according to Cosmopolitan magazine, one of the most effective techniques for moving on is to get rid of all reminders of the relationship. Howard: You're reading Cosmo? Sheldon: Yes. As it turns out, there's an article on how to get over a breakup in literally every issue. Anyway, it suggests that I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas. Howard: What's this? Sheldon: Oh, that's just a doodle of a hyperelliptic Riemann surface. Leonard: Oh, yeah. Wasn't that the basis of your postdoc fellowship? Sheldon: It was. This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a simple country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places. Raj: It's going to be okay. Sheldon: I know. As hard as this is, I have to move on. I can't keep postulating multidimensional entities and get nothing in return. I have needs, too. Howard: So, you and Emily still together? Scene: Raj's apartment. Howard: I spoke to Bernadette. She's free tomorrow night. Raj: Oh, okay, great. But if we're really gonna do a double date, then we have to go over some ground rules about Emily. Howard: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything? Raj: She's very real. Howard: Oh, that's what it says on the box. Right next to dishwasher safe. Raj: See? This is exactly the kind of thing I'm worried about you saying in front of her. Howard: I promise I'll be on my best behaviour. Raj: You better be. No jokes about how close I am with my dog. Or the truth about how close I am with my dog. Howard: You got it. Raj: No jokes about the year I took ballet. Howard: You took ballet? Raj: God, you never listen. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Are you sure you want to do this? Sheldon: The magazine articles suggest that one of the ways to get over a breakup is a new look. Leonard: What about your old look, well-groomed ventriloquist doll? Penny (treating Sheldon as a ventriloquist doll): Oh my God, I do look like that. Sheldon: You stop it. Penny: So, how do you want me to cut it? Sheldon: Oh, how about Bill Gates meets Nikola Tesla? Leonard: So, business in the front, science in the back. Penny: Or I don't cut it and maybe just style it a little. Sheldon: Oh, I'm in your hands. Do a good job and I'll tell you Cosmo's ten dynamite tips to enjoy your PMS. Penny: Can you keep him quiet? Maybe jangle some keys in front of him? Leonard: That doesn't work any more. He just thinks I'm taking him to the doctor. So, now that you're no longer invested in string theory, what are you gonna pursue? Sheldon: Oh, there are so many exciting areas. Black holes, dark matter. Penny: Oh, Leonard was telling me about dark matter, but I didn't really understand it. Sheldon: Don't feel bad. Neither does he. Penny: Okay, what do you think? Sheldon: Have you ever even seen a picture of Tesla? Leonard: It actually looks good, Sheldon. Penny: Doesn't it? Leonard: Yeah. Sheldon: I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boy band. Of course, I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one. Amy: Sorry I'm late. What did you do? Penny: I gave him a new look. It's cute, huh? Amy: Yeah, it's cute. That's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like s*x on a stick. Sheldon: She's right. I'm too hot. Scene: A restaurant. Bernadette: I'm excited to meet Emily. Howard: Me, too. I just hope he doesn't blow it. Bernadette: Why would you say that? Howard: Because he's Raj, that's his thing. Beckham can bend it, Ralph can wreck it, Raj can blow it. Look, I don't want it to happen, but odds are he's gonna find a way to... Oh, crap, I know that girl. Bernadette: How? Howard: In a bad way, very bad. Raj: Hey, guys. Howard: Whatever you hear tonight, just remember I love you. Hey. Raj: Emily, these are my good friends, Howard and Bernadette. Guys, this is Emily. Emily: Nice to meet you. Bernadette: Hi. Emily: Have we met before? Howard: Uh, no. I, I don't, I don't think so. Emily: You sure? You look familiar. Howard: Well, you sure don't. You I know, you I know, you? Total stranger. Even if you had yummy candy, I would not get in your van. Emily: Did you go to that spin class on Green Street? Howard: That must be it. Raj: Since when do you go to spin class? Howard: Wow. Now who doesn't listen? Scene: The apartment. Amy: Sheldon, your food's getting cold. What are you doing? Sheldon: Oh, looking through my textbooks for a new field of inquiry. Why do we have a geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas? Penny: Wait. What's wrong with geology? Sheldon: Let me put this in a way you'll understand, Penny. You remember how you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well, geology is the Kardashians of science. Sheldon: Have you considered studying standard model physics? Sheldon: You want me to give up string theory for something that's less advanced? You know, why don't you break up with Penny and start dating a brown bear? Penny: Like you could get a brown bear. Leonard: Hey, I've got a good job. I could buy salmon. You don't know. Amy: Maybe you could make your new field of study the calculation of nuclear matrix elements. Sheldon: Oh, please. If I wanted to take up a fad, I'd get a tramp stamp. Leonard: What about loop quantum gravity? Sheldon: Oh, Duchess, look at me. My quantum gravity's positively loopy. Penny: Who's the duchess? Leonard: One of the people that lives in his head. Amy: I hope he's this distraught if he ever breaks up with me. Leonard: Well, if he does, I'll see if my bear has a friend. Penny: Sheldon, have you ever considered not rushing into something new? I mean, why don't you take your time, enjoy your freedom? Maybe something new to study will find you. Sheldon: That's actually not bad advice. You know, I didn't seek out string theory. It just hit me over the head one day. Amy: How does that happen? Sheldon: A bully chased me through the school library and hit me over the head with the biggest book he could find. Penny: Okay, how about we toast your newfound freedom? Sheldon: Ah, normally I refrain from alcohol, but since my cerebral cortex is twiddling its proverbial thumbs, why not soak it in grape juice that's been predigested by a fungus? Penny: And you wonder why other children beat you with books. Cheers! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The restaurant. Bernadette: Emily, what do you do? Emily: I'm a dermatology resident at Huntington Hospital. Raj: Mmm, and you know what that means. Someone's skin's about to be softer than ever. Emily: This is making me crazy. I know I know you from somewhere. Raj: Oh, uh, Howard was an astronaut. Maybe that's where you saw him. Emily: Wow. That's amazing. What was that like? Howard: It was the most incredible experience of my life. Up there in the space station, you're... Emily: Oh, my God, I remember. Howard: Can I finish my astronaut story? Emily: It was four years ago. Howard: Please don't say it. Emily: We were set up on a blind date. Howard: Please don't say it. Emily: You came to my apartment. Howard: You're saying it. Raj: Wh, what happened? Bernadette: Yeah, what happened? Howard: Okay, I'll say it. I was on the way to pick her up. My stomach felt a little funny. When I got there, I asked if I could use her bathroom. Bernadette: Please don't say it. Howard: One roll of toilet paper and 20 minutes later, I was so humiliated, I snuck out the window and never saw her again. Emily: You know what else I never saw again, my security deposit. Howard: I'm sorry. I tried to unclog it, but you didn't have a plunger, and water was spilling out everywhere. Emily: Right, just water. Howard: Look, I have felt terrible about this for years, and I'm glad I have the opportunity to tell you just how sorry I am. Emily: It's fine. All my friends love this story. They call you Clogzilla. Raj: Get it? Because you clogged up her bathroom like a radioactive monster! Howard: Yeah, yeah, I get it. Bernadette: Howie. Howard: Well, hey, it's not like cotton candy comes out of you. Scene: The apartment. Amy: Come on, let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink. Sheldon: No more than Penny. Amy: That's what I'm saying. Sheldon: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. (Knock, knock, knock) Empty room. (Knock, knock, knock) Empty room. (Knock, knock, knock) Empty room. If somebody says come in, I'm gonna freak out. Scene: The restaurant. Bernadette: So, Emily, why did you decide to specialize in dermatology? Emily: I like cutting people with knives, and all the other jobs where you get to do that are illegal. Bernadette: You're kidding, right? Raj: She's scary, but it's a cute scary. Howard: Can I say just one more thing? I had some kind of food poisoning that day. Sure, in retrospect, gas station sushi, maybe not the best choice. Nor was climbing out your window and running away. But I think we can all understand how humiliating that was, and I'd really appreciate it if we could move on. Bernadette: Howie, we moved on a long time ago. Howard: I'm just saying... Bernadette: We moved on. Howard: Okay. Fine. Bernadette: How's your soup? Howard: Ah, it's all right. They could've filled the bowl a little more. Excuse me. Bernadette: Where are you going? Howard: I need some fresh air. Emily: Been there. Scene: Sheldon, waking up in bed next to a Geology book. Sheldon: Oh, no. What have I done? Scene: The apartment. Leonard: How you feeling? Sheldon: Not so good. Leonard: Are you gonna introduce me to your friend? Sheldon: It's not my friend. Nothing happened. Leonard: I don't know. I heard you reading pretty loud last night. Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord. Where's Amy? Leonard: After she put you to bed, she went home. Sheldon: Oh. I should call her and apologize. Oh, no. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Apparently, I called Stephen Hawking last night. Scene: Stephen Hawking's office. Answerphone: First new message. Sheldon (voice): Hawkman. It's your old buddy Sheldonoscopy. How come you didn't pick up the phone? Oh, right. My bad. Scene: The cafeteria.. Howard: You're awful quiet. Everything okay? Sheldon: Not really. I had a bit of an embarrassing evening. Howard: Ugh. Me, too. What happened? Sheldon: I drank alcohol and may have left an unfortunate voice mail for Stephen Hawking. Howard: I wouldn't worry about it. He's got a pretty good sense of humour. Sheldon: Oh, I hope so. What happened to you last night? Howard: Oh, well, turns out I'd already met the girl Raj is seeing when I did a number on her bathroom. And that number was two. Sheldon: Well, you know, I've always been a fan of a story told by Attar of Nishapur, about a king who assembled a group of wise men to create a ring that would make him happy when he was sad. And that ring was inscribed with the phrase, this too shall pass. Barry: Hey, Cooper. I heard you dwunk-dialed Stephen Hawking last night? Classic. Howard: Get out of here, Barry. Barry: Whatever you say, Cwogziwwa. Sheldon: Clogzilla. That's pretty funny. I don't think that's gonna pass. Scene: Stephen Hawking's office. Answerphone: Next message. Sheldon (voice): It's me again. I gave up string theory. You should give up black holes, and we can totally solve crimes together. Answerphone: Next message. Sheldon (voice): Do you know what's great? Geology. Oh. Look at this geode. That's fun to say. Gee-ode. Gee-ode. Answerphone: Next message. Sheldon (voice): Gee-ode. Gee-ode. I kiss girls now. Answerphone: Next message. Sheldon (voice): Hey, guess who I am. Beep bop boop bop. I'm you. Get it? Answerphone: Next message. Sheldon (voice): Are you mad at me? Oh, no, you're mad at me. I'm so sorry. Beep bop boop bop. Answerphone: Next message. Sheldon (voice): Thiospinel sulfide. Thiospinel sulfide. That's even more fun than gee-ode. Hey, did you see The Lego Movie? Stephen Hawking: What a jackass.

Raj and Howard double-date so that the Wolowitzes can meet Emily before Raj scares her off. At first Raj is afraid Howard will joke about his shortcomings; however, Howard becomes the butt of all the jokes. He had a blind date with Emily years before, and due to a stomach problem, he severely clogged her toilet and ran out on her. Howard gained the nickname "Clogzilla". Recent big bang theory discoveries lead Sheldon to believe he wasted his life trying to prove string theory. On Penny's advice he decides to get rid of all his string theory books and move to a new field. Over frustration at all his possible choices, Sheldon jokes he might as well take up geology, which he believes is not real science. Leonard and Penny tell him not to rush it. Eventually, Amy puts a drunk Sheldon to bed. When he awakes, he is horrified to see what he holds in his arms: a geology book. While calling Amy to apologize for scaring her off, he also discovers he made several drunk calls to Stephen Hawking's answering machine.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x08

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x08_0

DOCTOR WHO AND THE SILURIANS BY: MALCOLM HULKE 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INT. QUINN'S COTTAGE. NIGHT (The DOCTOR waves his hand directly in front of QUINN's eyes. There is no reaction. The DOCTOR leans over QUINN's chest to listen for a pulse which evidently is not there. QUINN is clearly dead. The DOCTOR closes QUINN's sightless eyes, and discovers his hand is clutching something. He gently prises the small metallic device from his hand, and holds it up for inspection. He triggers the device, and to his little surprise it begins emitting the descending three note call to attention. (In the next room, the Silurian hears the signal and instinctively flexes his three-clawed hand. After a moment the DOCTOR notices something moving in his peripheral vision, and spins around to see the reptilian biped slowly marching into the living room towards him. The DOCTOR is quite taken aback and stares in surprise at the Silurian's headcrest, and the prominent three eyes...) DOCTOR: Hello! Are you a Silurian? (The DOCTOR offers the Silurian a friendly hand shake, confronting him with an immediate problem of whether to engage in this custom with either of his claws.) DOCTOR: Look. Do you understand me? (The Silurian nods in assent.) DOCTOR: Well what do your people want? How can we help you. How many are there of you? Tell us what we can do! (The Silurian hears the sound of a car passing by, and immediately suspicious, thrusts the DOCTOR aside, escape at the fore of his mind. The Silurian flees the cottage with a smashing of timber and glass and the DOCTOR is forced to shout after him:) DOCTOR: No wait! Wait! Wait! Unless you Silurians tell us what you want, the humans will destroy you! [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, SICK BAY (Major BAKER is sitting on his sick bed, dressed in shirt and trousers, and is secretively tracing a route through the Wenley Moor caves in a notebook. Then hearing movement outside, and deciding to call in the gullible Sergeant HART, he hides the map under his pillow.) BAKER: Sergeant! HART: Sir. BAKER: Ah, are you ah, still standing guard over me? HART: Sorry sir, Brigadier's orders. BAKER: I see, well ah, as long as you're here, you may as well give me a hand - I, would you help me off with my jacket - my arm's still a bit stiff. (BAKER feigns some pain and stiffness trying to put on his jacket, and in the end HART gives in and assists him.) HART: Certainly sir. BAKER: Oh steady now - steady sir. Ha! Still a bit painful. HART: Yes of course sir. BAKER: Thank you. (The moment HART turns his back on BAKER to leave the Sick Bay, BAKER chops him viciously across the back of the neck. HART collapses in pain on the ground while BAKER makes his escape.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (Sergeant HART is on the carpet in front of the BRIGADIER attempting to defend the indefensible.) BRIGADIER: And you just let him walk away? HART: Yes, but... BRIGADIER: Sergeant Hart, you were told to make sure Major Baker remained in the sick bay. HART: I know, sir, but he jumped me. BRIGADIER: You should have been prepared for that. HART: But I thought he was ill, sir. He said he couldn't use his arm. BRIGADIER: He seems to have used it on you alright. HART: Yes sir. Do you want me to set up a search party sir? BRIGADIER: No. Dismissed. HART: Sir! (HART salutes, turns, and marches himself off at the double. LIZ, who has been observing the whole exchange silently, registers her concern.) LIZ: Surely you're going to look for Major Baker? BRIGADIER: He'll be in those caves, looking for those saboteurs of his. We'll find him when we move in. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. CAVES (Major BAKER is now fully apparelled in potholing gear, and follows the route he marked into his notebook for some time, but then abandons it as he reaches a fork where he can follow one direction or another. Pocketing the notebook, he starts down the left-hand fork where there is a murky pool a few steps down through two large columns of rock. As he puts both feet into the pool the water begins frothing and bubbling violently, and he finds he cannot move his feet at all. (Silurians converge from every direction, and BAKER begins taking pot shots at them. The Silurians jump out of the way of ricochets. He quickly runs out of rounds, and a Silurian marches right up to the pool, it's third eye exerting some force on BAKER. He throws his rifle at the Silurian but is powerless to avoid being forced to the ground by the mental power of the Silurian.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (LIZ and the BRIGADIER have not moved from before.) LIZ: You're still going ahead with your plans to invade the caves? Whatever the Doctor says? BRIGADIER: I've sent to HQ for reinforcements, they should be here by dawn. Look where is the Doctor? LIZ: (Attempting to dissemble.) I'm not quite sure. I... I believe he mentioned visiting Doctor Quinn. BRIGADIER: I didn't bring him down here to visit the sick! (The DOCTOR enters quietly in a very abject mood.) LIZ: (Brightly.) Hello! DOCTOR: (Downcast.) Hello. LIZ: Was Quinn any help? DOCTOR: No. No I'm afraid not. BRIGADIER: What's Doctor Quinn got to do with it? DOCTOR: Well he was... well... is very interested in potholing, I thought his experience with the caves might have been useful. BRIGADIER: May I remind you Doctor, that your business here is to investigate these power failures. Now do you have any suggestions to make? DOCTOR: Oh yes. That this establishment should be closed down completely. BRIGADIER: Not much chance of Doctor Lawrence agreeing to that. DOCTOR: And a planned, cautious, scientific investigation of those caves. Not an invasion by a lot of big-booted soldiers! BRIGADIER: There are times, Doctor, when you sorely try my patience. (The BRIGADIER signals with his swagger stick for the other soldiers to follow him, and blusters out of the conference room.) LIZ: What's wrong Doctor? What happened when you saw Quinn? DOCTOR: Sit down Liz. (For a moment the DOCTOR sits down and holds his head in his hands, then suddenly composes himself.) DOCTOR: Quinn's dead, he's been killed. LIZ: Oh no. DOCTOR: By a Silurian. LIZ: A Silurian? DOCTOR: Probably the same creature that attacked you. LIZ: You saw it? DOCTOR: I spoke to it. And it understood me. LIZ: What was it like? DOCTOR: Reptilian. Biped, a completely alien species. LIZ: And it didn't attack you? DOCTOR: Liz! These creatures aren't just animals! They're an alien life form, as intelligent as we are. LIZ: Why... why didn't you tell the Brigadier? DOCTOR: Because I want to find out more about these creatures. They're not necessarily hostile. LIZ: Doctor, it attacked me. DOCTOR: Yes, but only to escape - it didn't kill you. It didn't attack me when I was in Quinn's cottage - well don't you see, they only attack for survival. Well human beings behave in very much the same way. LIZ: What are we going to do now? DOCTOR: Well I'm going back down into those caves. See what I can find out. LIZ: Then I'm coming with you. DOCTOR: No, Liz. LIZ: Either I come with you, or I go straight to the Brigadier. DOCTOR: Alright. Have it your own way. (He waves a warning finger at LIZ.) But the fate be on your own head. (LIZ smiles and crosses her arms as the DOCTOR's mood relents, and he pulls out a map.) DOCTOR: Here, you take a look at this. LIZ: What is it? DOCTOR: Well it's a map of the caves that I found in Quinn's office. (The DOCTOR unfolds it and points out a series of markings.) DOCTOR: And look here, he's marked a special route to somewhere. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. CAVES (LIZ and the DOCTOR have put on their potholing overalls and helmets, like Baker and Quinn before them, and are advancing towards the area of the caves where Baker ran into trouble.) DOCTOR: I think this is right. (He steps forward some metres and then checks himself.) DOCTOR: Hang on a minute, I'm not so sure. LIZ: Well what about this way then? DOCTOR: No, Quinn's marked a completely different route, look. LIZ: Yes, but look - that's far more direct. DOCTOR: Yes, alright. (They begin taking the route taken by Baker.) DOCTOR: Here, wait a minute. (The DOCTOR points to a section of ground in front of a dark pool. He picks up a bullet casing.) DOCTOR: Look at that. A cartridge. (Examining the cartridge, he holds it to his nose and sniffs it.) DOCTOR: Just been fired, too. LIZ: Yes. Look. (LIZ retrieves Baker's notebook. The DOCTOR flips it open and begins reading. DOCTOR: Well, that's Baker's. LIZ: We've got to find him... (LIZ is about to rush off but the DOCTOR restrains her.) DOCTOR: Liz, wait a minute. (He holds her back by the arm in caution. Looking at the pool, he gets a large rock and dumps it in. The pool becomes agitated as the trap is sprung, and then it settles down again quickly.) LIZ: Oh no. DOCTOR: Yes, well from now on, I think we'd better stick rigidly to Quinn's route. LIZ: Yes. DOCTOR: Come on. (They retrace their steps and go back on to Quinn's route. After a while LIZ stops in exhaustion.) DOCTOR: What's the matter? LIZ: It's this heat. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. It's really odd. (They continue on through a large gallery. Suddenly LIZ sees a black slab embedded in the rock.) LIZ: Doctor, look! DOCTOR: Well, well, well! LIZ: It's a doorway! DOCTOR: Yes. Well, anyone can see that. The question is, how do you open it? (LIZ is looking back in the direction they came from, and she suddenly detects motion.) LIZ: Doctor - a Silurian. (They race quickly out of sight as the Silurian draws near to the door. Somehow, it failed to notice the DOCTOR and LIZ. It stands in front of the door and with it's third eye pulsing, emits the distinctive descending three note signal until the door begins sliding open. It steps through into the corridor beyond and the door closes automatically behind it. The DOCTOR and LIZ return to the door.) DOCTOR: I can't understand why it didn't see us. (LIZ accidentally touches the door and quickly pulls her fingers away.) LIZ: Ooh! DOCTOR: What's the matter? LIZ: Why is it so hot? DOCTOR: Well the Silurians are reptilian you see, they've - presumably created an environment inside there that suits them. LIZ: I wonder how many of them there are. DOCTOR: Well I wish I knew, there's only one way of finding out, that's to get in there and see. LIZ: Well we can't without one of those things it was carrying. DOCTOR: Yes, of course... LIZ: I suppose you just happen to have one in your pocket? DOCTOR: Yes as a matter of fact I have, Quinn's! (The DOCTOR produces the Silurian communicator from his pocket and points it at the door. It emits the three note signal extremely rapidly, and the door slides open. The DOCTOR and LIZ cautiously enter a corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. SILURIAN BASE (Immediately inside the Silurian base the DOCTOR and LIZ see an opening from the corridor. They glance inside, seeing at least one Silurian in what appears to be a control room, and step back, flattening themselves against the wall. Seeing that they are unobserved, they pass by the door and continue further into the base. (Soon they come across a larger opening with a square holding pen in its centre, which is barred like a cage at the front and sides but more solidly built at the rear and offering concealment. The DOCTOR and LIZ move behind the cage and cautiously move to the far side of the space. Major BAKER is confined inside one of the spaces within the cage, shouting out to the Silurians opposite him, who seem to be taking no notice whatsoever.) BAKER: How long are you leaving me in here? They'll be coming after me you know. (With extreme caution the DOCTOR and LIZ sidle up to the back of the pen.) DOCTOR: (Whispering.) Baker! (BAKER turns and crosses to the back of the cage opposite the DOCTOR and LIZ, and whispers back to them.) BAKER: How did you get in here? Where are the troops? DOCTOR: I'm sorry but we're alone. BAKER: Well you've got to get back. Tell the Brigadier. LIZ: Can't we get you out of here? BAKER: No, there's not a chance, there's... there's some sort of electronic lock. DOCTOR: Have they harmed you at all? BAKER: No, they just keep asking a lot of questions. DOCTOR: They can talk to you? BAKER: Yes. DOCTOR: What do they ask? BAKER: The population of the earth, what weapons we use, what food we eat. Don't you see - they are trying to gather information for an invasion! DOCTOR: Look - if they speak to you again, co-operate with them a little, find out all you can about them. (A new loud humming noise emanates from where the Silurians are busying themselves.) LIZ: What's that? (A Silurian lying in a casket gradually awakens, and the DOCTOR and LIZ move slightly closer to take a better look.) LIZ: What are they doing? DOCTOR: They're trying to revive a Silurian from some sort of deep hibernation. Maybe that explains the power losses in the research centre. BAKER: (Hissing to regain attention.) Doctor! (The DOCTOR and LIZ return to where Major BAKER is caged.) BAKER: Look - this is your chance. Get moving. LIZ: We can't just leave you here. BAKER: Go on, get out of here, will you, or we'll all be their prisoners. DOCTOR: Alright, we'll get back for you as soon as we possibly can. BAKER: Fine. DOCTOR: Good luck. (The DOCTOR and LIZ take their leave and wander back down the corridor to the entrance. The room they passed before now contains at least three Silurians.) LIZ: Three of them in there now. One of them's bound to see us. (They turn back and retrace their steps back towards BAKER's cage. Seeing them return, he whispers and points through to another corridor leading off towards the caves.) BAKER: (Whispering.) Try. DOCTOR: Let's try this way. (The alternative corridor seems to be an improvement, with no Silurians around. Passing an aperture that opens out into a gallery of the caves, a huge prehistoric dinosaur suddenly rears up before them. LIZ shrieks and falls back as the dinosaur snarls at the pair.) DOCTOR: That's the creature that attacked me in the caves! They must turn it loose sometimes and use it as some kind of a watchdog. LIZ: Those creatures died out millions of years ago! DOCTOR: Apparently not, Liz! [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CYCLOTRON ROOM (A power failure is in progress in the cyclotron, which is being brought back under control by stages as before. A young technician named TRAVIS is at QUINN's normal post at the control console in the upper half of the room.) TRAVIS: Close down sector three. 1st TECHNICIAN: (Out of view.) Sector three closed down. TRAVIS: Electron voltage reading. 1st TECHNICIAN: (Out of view.) Two thousand million. Falling. TRAVIS: Close down sector four. 2nd TECHNICIAN: (Also out of view.) Sector four closed down. TRAVIS: Be advised all sectors should maintain close down. 3rd TECHNICIAN: (Also out of view.) All sectors stabilised. (Dr LAWRENCE arrives on the scene and addresses himself to TRAVIS at the control console.) LAWRENCE: What is it Travis? TRAVIS: Another power loss sir. We were making the hourly circuit check when it registered. LAWRENCE: Have you stabilised the nuclear reaction? TRAVIS: Yes sir. We shut down at once. (Dr LAWRENCE picks up the internal phone on the console and speaks to the operator.) LAWRENCE: Lawrence here. Get me the generating area. TRAVIS: I've already checked, sir. Nothing wrong there. LAWRENCE: I see. Alright, forget it, get me ah, Doctor Quinn at his home. TRAVIS: I've tried that sir. There's no reply. LAWRENCE: Cancel the call. (He puts down the phone.) LAWRENCE: Where's Miss Dawson? Isn't this her shift? TRAVIS: She didn't report in, sir. (Dr LAWRENCE again picks up the phone, and TRAVIS again pre-empts him.) TRAVIS: And there's no reply from her quarters. LAWRENCE: Oh this is absurd! (Dr LAWRENCE slams the phone down, and it immediately rings. LAWRENCE goes to pick it up but TRAVIS takes it instead.) TRAVIS: Excuse me, sir. (TRAVIS listens.) Travis. (Pause.) Yes, he's here. (Pause.) Alright, I'll tell him. (TRAVIS turns to Dr LAWRENCE.) TRAVIS: The Permanent Under-Secretary, sir. LAWRENCE: (About to grab the phone.) What are you doing man, let me speak to him! TRAVIS: There's no need, sir. (TRAVIS firmly puts down the phone.) TRAVIS: I meant he's actually here in the centre. He's on his way down in the lift now. LAWRENCE: (Gloomily.) That's all I need. (Dr LAWRENCE moves towards the door.) TRAVIS: What's he come here for, sir? LAWRENCE: (Snarls at TRAVIS.) I sent for him! (TRAVIS shakes his head as LAWRENCE looks away. The door of the Cyclotron Room opens, and the Permanent Under-Secretary of the Ministry of Science, Mr Edward Masters enters, duly presented by an usher.) MASTERS: Hello Charles. LAWRENCE: Oh, Edward. MASTERS: (Matter-of-factly.) What's all this about? LAWRENCE: I, I didn't expect to see you till much later. MASTERS: I've got to report to a meeting in London tomorrow. Any chance of some coffee? LAWRENCE: (Regarding MASTER's question with incomprehension.) Coffee? MASTERS: I have been travelling most of the night. LAWRENCE: Oh yes, of course, I'm sorry. Ah, let's go to my conference room, it's this way. (As LAWRENCE ushers MASTERS from the Cyclotron Room, he gives another icy stare in the direction of the capable TRAVIS, who waits for them to go and then again shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (MASTERS and LAWRENCE enter the conference room, which has been recently and rapidly converted into a make-shift military headquarters.) MASTERS: UNIT? LAWRENCE: As you can see, they're well established. (MASTERS espies the drip-filter coffee machine and plastic cups behind the Brigadier's desk and crosses over to help himself.) MASTERS: (Pouring himself a sugarless, black coffee.) Lethbridge-Stewart is asking for more troops. LAWRENCE: Yeah, to go chasing about on some sort of man hunt. (Derisively.) Nothing's been done about the power failures. MASTERS: We've got to get this sorted out, you know. I'm under very heavy pressure from the Minister. (Pauses contemplatively.) The future of this centre is very much in question. LAWRENCE: Ah, but surely... MASTERS: (Interrupting.) You've made great promises for this project, Charles. Nuclear power into electricity, limitless supplies of cheap, safe energy. LAWRENCE: And we can do it, too. MASTERS: Millions of pounds have been poured into this place. With no results to show for it. LAWRENCE: But if this research centre is abandoned, all of that money would be wasted. MASTERS: It would mean the end of your career, Charles. That's why I'm doing my best for you. (LAWRENCE is sobered by this admission.) MASTERS: What does your security man have to say about all of this? LAWRENCE: Major Baker is convinced there are saboteurs in the caves. MASTERS: And are there? LAWRENCE: Well of course not. MASTERS: How can you be so sure? (LAWRENCE again fails to conceal his derision for Major Baker and UNIT.) LAWRENCE: Well the whole thing's ridiculous! The Brigadier and Baker talk of saboteurs, and that Doctor believes there are monsters down there! MASTERS: I beg your pardon. LAWRENCE: Well didn't the Brigadier put that in his report? MASTERS: He was a little vague about the precise nature of the menace. LAWRENCE: That's scarcely surprising. Look Edward, I admit we've had a number of technical setbacks. Mine is not an easy job, you know. MASTERS: I realise that. LAWRENCE: Our problems can only be solved by scientists. Not by security men. MASTERS: What do you want me to do. LAWRENCE: Get all these UNIT people out of my way. Let me get on with my job. MASTERS: The Brigadier is only trying to help you. LAWRENCE: Help me? He's exaggerating this whole business out of all proportion! Merely to magnify his own importance. MASTERS: I hardly think that's justified. LAWRENCE: Well you don't know him as well as I do... MASTERS: (Interrupting again.) I'm not arguing with you man, I'm simply trying to find a solution to the problem. The Brigadier, and his team, have come down here with... LAWRENCE: (Incredulously.) His team? What, that girl and that crazy Doctor? MASTERS: The Doctor is supposed to be brilliant... in his own way, he may be a little eccentric. LAWRENCE: The man's a raving lunatic! He's insolent, he's impertinent! He shows no respect for my authority. (With his usual flair for timing, good or otherwise, the DOCTOR enters followed closely by LIZ.) DOCTOR: Ah, Doctor Lawrence. Just the man I wanted to see. Now tell me, have you just had a power failure? LAWRENCE: Yes. How did you know? DOCTOR: I see, thank you. (Hearing this, the DOCTOR turns to leave again immediately.) LAWRENCE: Now just a minute. This is the Permanent Under-Secretary. DOCTOR: Yes well I've got no time to chat to under-secretaries, permanent or otherwise. I must find the Brigadier. MASTERS: May I ask who you are? DOCTOR: (With a cold degree of arrogance.) You may ask! (In the silence following this retort the BRIGADIER enters the conference room.) DOCTOR: Ah, there you are. BRIGADIER: (Addressing MASTERS.) I've only just heard that you were here. I've been trying to get in touch with you. Look sir, what's happening about my reinforcements? MASTERS: That's one of the reasons [why] I am here. I'm afraid you're not going to get any reinforcements. BRIGADIER: (Clipped.) May I ask why not? MASTERS: I can't go to the Minister of Defence and request regular Army support for you on the basis of a wild tale about monsters in caves. BRIGADIER: (Urgently.) Sir, we have overwhelming evidence that there is something in those caves. MASTERS: Do you mean saboteurs? BRIGADIER: I don't know, but the caves are vast. To cover them properly I must have more men! MASTERS: I'm sorry, that's out of the question. BRIGADIER: Then I'll have to go in with the troops I have. DOCTOR: (Chiming in.) Brigadier. You are not to take your men into those caves. I've been down there and I know what's happening. MASTERS: Well if you do, perhaps you'd be good enough to tell us. BRIGADIER: Yes Doctor. I think you'd better. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. SILURIAN BASE, AT MAJOR BAKER'S CAGE (Major BAKER is still held prisoner in the cage, and is being interrogated by two Silurians, one of whom has an older-sounding voice, the other a younger and more arrogant tone.) OLD SILURIAN: You must answer our questions. BAKER: I am not refusing, am I? OLD SILURIAN: Is your species the only intelligent life-form? BAKER: Only intelligent life-form? Oh I see what you mean. Yes, of course we are! YOUNG SILURIAN: You were carrying a simple projectile weapon. Do all your species carry these weapons? BAKER: Of course not, only soldiers. YOUNG SILURIAN: What other weapons do your soldiers carry? BAKER: I refuse to answer that sort of question! OLD SILURIAN: You must answer. BAKER: You can do what you like, I will not tell you anything. (More defiantly.) I will not tell you anything! OLD SILURIAN: The creature is becoming aggressive again. YOUNG SILURIAN: I will force it to answer. (The younger Silurian moves to force BAKER to answer, but the older Silurian stays its claw.) OLD SILURIAN: I do not wish it to be damaged. This creature is less intelligent. Quinn should not have been killed. YOUNG SILURIAN: But he tried to keep one of us prisoner. OLD SILURIAN: This strange species has developed some kind of civilisation. We need to study it. YOUNG SILURIAN: The species is dangerous and hostile. We should kill them all! [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (The DOCTOR having made some revelations, debate continues in the research centre conference room.) LAWRENCE: And are you suggesting that these Silurians are responsible for the power losses? LIZ: Some of them are still in hibernation. The others use the power to bring them back to life. BRIGADIER: What weapons do they have? DOCTOR: Ah. Spoken like a true soldier. BRIGADIER: It is my job, Doctor. How many are there? DOCTOR: Well, we don't know. Maybe there are thousands! LAWRENCE: Then you must deal with them promptly Brigadier. If they exist. DOCTOR: Look, Mister Under-Secretary, surely this is a government matter. It cannot be decided at this level. MASTERS: Doctor, whether I believe you or not, I can't go back to the Minister with a story like this. There's no proof, except your word. BRIGADIER: I'll find all the proof you need. Look Doctor, I'm not going down there to start a war, but I must know what's going on. DOCTOR: If you go down there with a party of armed men there's bound to be fighting. LAWRENCE: What is your alternative, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, leave them alone. Let me try and make contact with them. MASTERS: Are you really convinced these Silurians aren't savage? DOCTOR: Well, so far they've only attacked in self-defence. At least let's give them the benefit of the doubt. (Miss DAWSON gravely enters the conference room and all turn to face her.) LAWRENCE: Miss Dawson, where on earth have you been? (Miss DAWSON advances.) LAWRENCE: What's the matter? DAWSON: Doctor Quinn... is dead. LAWRENCE: Dead? (The DOCTOR gives LIZ a rueful look at how this news will undermine his argument.) DAWSON: He didn't answer his phone, I. I went there, and found him... The Silurians killed him. BRIGADIER: What do you know about these creatures? DAWSON: Doctor Quinn found out about them when he was potholing. He said... they had great scientific knowledge. He... he co-operated with them and... they killed him. BRIGADIER: Now Doctor, do you still maintain these creatures aren't hostile? (The DOCTOR doesn't answer.) BRIGADIER: I'll continue as planned. MASTERS: I think you're right. BRIGADIER: We'll move in first thing in the morning. Oh, Miss Dawson. I'd like a full statement from you, everything you know about this business. Will you come with me please. (Miss DAWSON turns to accompany the BRIGADIER from the room. The DOCTOR tiredly asks her a parting question without facing her.) DOCTOR: Miss Dawson. Did these Silurians tell Doctor Quinn anything about their intentions? DAWSON: Intentions? (The DOCTOR nods.) DAWSON: Well that's obvious isn't it? We must destroy them, before they destroy us. (MASTERS noticeably reacts to this final statement from Miss DAWSON before she and the BRIGADIER leave.) MASTERS: Charles, we'd better have a word. (MASTERS and LAWRENCE step to one side of the conference room and continue talking quietly. Left alone with LIZ, the DOCTOR picks up a pencil and raps out his frustration.) LIZ: Now what are you going to do? DOCTOR: Well there's only one thing I can do. I've got to get down into those caves and warn the Silurians. LIZ: What? DOCTOR: If the Brigadier... Oh well, listen to reason Liz. Perhaps the Silurians will. (The DOCTOR heads for the door. As LIZ calls after him, MASTERS and LAWRENCE turn to look at her.) LIZ: Please be careful! [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INT. CONTROL ROOM IN THE SILURIAN BASE, THEN THE CAGES (The DOCTOR suddenly appears in the anteroom of the Silurian base, puts down his potholing helmet on a bench, steps up behind three or so who are gathered there, clears his throat and immediately attempts to introduce himself.) DOCTOR: Ahem. I'm sorry to burst in on you like this. YOUNG SILURIAN: How did you enter our base? OLD SILURIAN: Why have you come here? DOCTOR: I came here to warn you that humans are about to enter your caves. YOUNG SILURIAN: Shall I destroy him? (To the DOCTOR's alarm the OLD SILURIAN has to physically restrain the YOUNG SILURIAN from immediately attacking him.) OLD SILURIAN: No. Take him to the cages. (The DOCTOR is dismayed that his plan has misfired, as the Silurians drag him away without listening to him any further.) DOCTOR: No. You don't understand. No, I've come here to... I've come here to warn you. (The Silurians bring the DOCTOR to the cages where Major BAKER is imprisoned. Using the mental power of the third eye the gate is unlocked, the DOCTOR is shoved into a separate section of the cage alongside BAKER, and the gate is locked up again. Major BAKER regards him angrily.) BAKER: What happened, I thought you were going to get help. DOCTOR: Don't worry, help's on the way. I only wish it weren't. (The OLD SILURIAN leader arrives at the cages and addresses the DOCTOR.) OLD SILURIAN: I repeat. Why have you come here? DOCTOR: I came here because I want to help you. BAKER: Just a minute, what do you think you're doing? YOUNG SILURIAN: Quiet! OLD SILURIAN: How can you help us? DOCTOR: Look. People are coming, many people are coming here. I want you to meet them in peace. OLD SILURIAN: Who are these people? DOCTOR: Well, they're soldiers but... they won't attack you unless you attack them first. OLD SILURIAN: Why do you want to help us? DOCTOR: Because... because I want there to be peace between you and the humans. This is their planet now! OLD SILURIAN: This planet is ours. It always has been. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. CAVES (The BRIGADIER is leading his small party of UNIT troops through the caves, and has run into a dead end. He makes a halt and issues an order.) BRIGADIER: Map. (The map is promptly provided by Captain HAWKINS, and the pair examine their current location.) BRIGADIER: Well there should be a way through here. HAWKINS: Well either this map's wrong, sir, or... we're lost. BRIGADIER: We'd better go back. (The party turns around and start to retrace their steps. After a moment, the path they had previously followed ends in another dead end.) HAWKINS: We've just come through this way. This wall... it wasn't there! (The BRIGADIER, HAWKINS and the rest of the party are trapped.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. INT. SILURIAN BASE, AT THE CAGES (Major BAKER is still questioning the wisdom of the DOCTOR's peace-making attempts, as the two of them are still contained in their separate parts of the cage.) BAKER: You had no right to tell them about the Brigadier's plans. DOCTOR: I was simply trying to prevent a massacre. BAKER: What guarantee have you got that these creatures aren't going to set an ambush? DOCTOR: I had to take that risk. At least there's a chance they won't start killing each other. (The YOUNG SILURIAN leader comes across to the cages.) DOCTOR: Have you seen the humans yet? Have you spoken to them? YOUNG SILURIAN: I have destroyed them - and now I shall destroy you. (The YOUNG SILURIAN's third eye glows crimson red as he attempts to kill the DOCTOR.)

With Quinn dead, the Brigadier decides to take an armed party into the caves, prompting the Doctor to contact the Silurians himself.

fd_Roswell_03x16

fd_Roswell_03x16_0

59th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 3ADA16 [PREVIOUSLY_ON] In a warehouse with the FBI. Jesse: I won't lie to you. I'm not the biggest fan of my brother in law. But Max is just a kid. Agent Burnes: He isn't from this world. He's an alien pretending to be a normal teenage kid. Later Isabel rushes in to find Jesse has shot Agent Burnes. Isabel: Oh gosh. Later at their apartment. Isabel: Jesse we can leave Roswell and never come back. Jesse: There's nowhere to go. I'm part of this for good now. Max and his Dad fishing. Max: I saw the board in your office. I know what you are doing. It isn't right to spy on your own son. Mr.Evans: I'm not spying. I'm trying to figure out what is going on. Michael and Maria in the car together. Maria: Michael what is on your chest? Michael: You never shut up now get out. Maria: Michael. Michael: Get out! At Isabel's apartment. Michael: You died. I'm king. It's your turn to get into line. Max: No. Michael: Ok, then. The fight scene and Max taking back the seal. At the Crashdown. Max, Liz and Kyle sitting at a booth. Liz playing footsie under the table with Max. Liz: Um, did you know there is a full college scholarshipping Offered to potential podiatry practitioners. Max: Really? Liz: Have to keep my business south of the equator though. Max: (he clears his throat) couldn't you come a little farther north. She moves her foot a little father north and Max jumps. Kyle gives her a look. Michael walks in the Crashdown carrying a bunch of boxes and everyone stops what they are doing. Maria shakes her head. Michael: What? Maria: What? Michael: Whatever. He walks past her and puts the boxes away. Liz: No. Max: What? Liz: Still no apologies from Michael. Max: Ahh. Kyle: Hey you know that ah, that king thing tattoo in Michael's chest? Liz: That's gone, Max is king now. Kyle: I know, I know, but what I was gonna say is maybe Michael could get like I'm eternally sorry Tattooed there instead and just flash it every half an hour regardless. Saves time, cuts stress. Liz laughs. Kyle: Do we know the foepa? Maria: Yup, he ah, threatened my life and then shoved me out of a moving vehicle and just left me In the middle of no where in the middle of the night. Michael: (from in the back) The car was stopped and I never threatened to kill you. (He busts Through the back door) Maria: After you suggested it would be better off if I was dead and Jesse and everybody else who knows about your little secret. Michael: It was a suggestion. (They all look perplexed) Why am I always apologizing to you guys About who I am? Maria: That wasn't you, Michael. Michael: Yes it is me. Max was dead. I was king. I did what I had to do. Maria: Fine. Michael: I'm not sorry about it either. Maria: FINE! Michael: No I'm not sorry. Maria: Fine. He walks away and smashes the Crashdown door by slamming it so hard. Later Michael is on his own in the desert and as he tries to start his bike back up he Witnesses a crash. He knows there is something peculiar about it because it affected his bike. He comes up on a downed aircraft and tries to find the pilot. But all he finds is his helmet. The name on the helmet was Griffin. Michael: Griffin you ok? Hey. Anybody? As he gets back on his bike the Calvary comes (helicopters, jeeps etc) so he gets out of there. On the news. Reporter: Here we go again. That's the attitude of most local residents to the news that another UFO has supposedly crashed outside of Roswell. All local merchants are hoping that this latest Close encounter will simulate Roswell's dwindling tourist business. Local officials are down Playing the entire incident as of right now Max and Mr.Parker come in carrying boxes. Mr.Parker: Anything yet? Liz: They're down playing it. Mr.Parker: Even better, make it look like a cover up. Hey Max thanks for helping. Would you Mind remarking those prices. Max: Uh, sure. What do you want them to be? Mr.Parker: Double everything. Liz: I can do it dad. Mr.Parker: No. You two have to be here to handle the rush. Maria looks at him like he just grew two heads. Maria: The rush? Mr.Parker: Yeah. Oh. You're too young to remember. Back in 1986 there was another unexplained Incident outside of town. This place went wild. Oh Max there's a box of neckties, the alien neckties In the back room near the, mustard containers. You mind? Max: No problem. Liz: Um, I don't think they're there any more. In the background. Reporter: We're gonna get ready to start our news conference. From what I'm told Major Pete Carlston from the United States Air Force will be conducting the briefing this morning. Although... Mr.Parker: Unexplained. All he's gotta say is it's unexplained. Unexplained incident. Unexplained encounter. Call it unexplained and those UFO Freaks are gonna be flooding in this Town. We'll be swimmin in cash. Back in the back, Liz finds the ties and hands them to Max. Liz: Here we are. (Max pulls one out) You ok? Max: I'm fine, why? Liz: Well a ship from outerspace just crashed in the desert and you don't have a problem with it. Max: Odds are it's probably nothing. Liz: You're not even curious? Oh you are? Max: I have more important concerns. Liz: Really? Mr.Parker: (from the front) Liz! Would you give me a hand out here? Liz: Coming. She walks away and Michael comes in from the back door. Michael: Hey. Max: Where have you been? Michael: Investigating a potential threat to our existence. Max: You were in the desert? Michael: All night. Eh, you couldn't see much they got perimeters around the perimeters out there. Max: Leave it alone. Michael: L...Max are you nuts? I saw it. It killed the engine on my bike, it went right Over my head. Max: What'd it look like? Michael: Like a really great sci-fi special effect. Only real. Max: It was probably an air force jet. Michael: How do you know. Max: Words out. Unofficially. Michael: Yeah Max, I could tell you an air force jet was involved but the question is in what? Max: We're too exposed right now. Especially with Jesse. Michael: At least he came through. Max: He killed a federal agent. And right now the last thing we need is some bonifide alien from Another world who's looking for trouble. Michael: You scared I might find something? Max: I'm terrified they'll find you. Michael: Then I'll handle it. He leaves and Max looks worried. Back in the Crashdown. Mr.Parker: Come on, Unexplained, Unexplained baby. One little word. I'd even take Unknown. Say it. Say it! On the TV the federal agents walk up to the podium. Reporter: Major Carlston! Was it a UFO last night! Tell me was it a UFO? Major Carlston: A test flight. (Isabel picks up the phone) Reporter: We're not going to get many words from him right now. Stepping up to the podium Right now, IS Major Carlston who is expected to confirm what most people in Roswell have already Heard through the grapevine. That the UFO seen last night was an Air Force jet on a cross country Test flight, apparently experiencing...(Isabel getting impatient with the phone ringing but no answer) Isabel: Thank you. Jesse's cell: You've reached the cell phone of Jesse Remerez. Please leave a message at the tone and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Isabel hangs up and shakes her head just as someone knocks on the door. Isabel: Hello (she holds up the phone and then realizes that it was the door) Who is it? Mrs.Evans: It's mom. Isabel opens the door not looking very happy about the fact that her mom is there. Isabel: Hi. Mama. How are ya? Mrs.Evans: Surprise. I have a plan. Since the men we live with are in Delaware on business I Thought we should spend some money on clothes. Isabel, what happened to all the furniture? Isabel: Nothing I just you know felt like it was time for a change. Mrs.Evans: You can afford to replace all of the furniture in your apartment? Isabel: We'll manage. Mrs.Evans: Honey are you ok? Isabel: Yeah, I'm fine. Mrs.Evans: I, uh, I talked to your dad this morning and he felt that Jesse was acting a bit differently. (Isabel nods) Did you two have a fight? Isabel: No, mom. We're fine. (Mrs. Evans nods) I swear. Mrs.Evans: Ok. If you need to talk about anything. Isabel: There's nothing to talk about. Besides if there were it would be one of two things. (She walks over to get her coat) s*x or Money. One of which is great. Mrs. Evans: (she laughs) Ok. Then. Isabel: And the other is a budget I'm about to ignore. Let's go buy me some shoes. Mrs.Evans: Let's go. They leave. Back to the interview on the TV at the Crashdown. Major Carlston: Contrary to some reports this was not, repeat not, a UFO or an unexplained incident. (Mr.Evans and Liz blowing up alien balloons suddenly look up) According to twelve minutes past midnight Mr.Evans: Uh. I think it's time for a going out of business sale. Liz: I'm sorry dad. (She hugs him) Sorry. Major Carlston: Crashed nineteen miles northwest of Roswell New Mexico. The jet was based at Edwards air force base (Michael walks up) in California and was engaged in a cross-country test Flight in night conditions. There were no weapons on board. The name of the pilot was Colonel Theodore Griffith. He is the one and only casualty in this unfortunate accident. That's all I'm Prepared to say at this time. However, air force cadet, Connie Griffin, Colonel Griffin's daughter Would like to say a few words. (She walks up to the podium) Connie: Good Morning. I know a lot of people here in Roswell were hoping for some sort of Extra-terrestrial explanation to last night's incident. But we know what happened. We know the Truth. It's important to me that you know, he died doing what he loved. And you should know my Father stayed with his plane until the end. He made sure it went down someplace safe. To protect Your homes and your lives. He was a good man. Michael: Excuse me are you saying he didn't eject? Connie: No, he didn't have the chance to eject. Major Carlston: That's all we have time for now, if we get any more information we'll let you know. Michael looks over at a man staring at him. The air force people walk away and Michael leaves with the strange man staring after him. At the Pineview lodge where Connie Griffith is staying As she is pouring herself a drink someone knocks at the door Michael walks in the room as she takes a drink. Michael: You might want to keep your head clear. Connie: Who the hell are you? Michael: I believe your father's alive. (He holds up the helmet) He made it out of that plane. He hands the helmet to her. Connie: Where did you get this? Michael: In the desert about a half a mile from the crash site. Next to his ejection seat. But he Wasn't there. Connie: What kind of sick b*st*rd are you huh? Really where did you get this some army navy Surplus? Did you buy some rub on letters right after the news conference? Michael: There's something in the lining you might want to take a look at. She looks in the helmet and finds a picture of her and her dad. As she starts to cry and Michael walk over to her and puts his hand on her shoulder. Michael: Hey. It's ok. (Suddenly she elbows him in the stomach and punches him in the face) Connie: Who are you? Michael: I just wanna know why they lied? Connie: It doesn't matter. Michael: What? Connie: Whatever is going on they must be doing it to protect national security. That's what they Do. Michael: They lied to you. Connie: Whatever I'm told they tell me for a reason. Michael: You're father could still be alive. Connie: Carlston wouldn't lie about that. Michael: How do you know? How do you know that? Connie: Get out! Before I have you arrested for looting the scene of a military investigation. That's A federal offense buddy. You could go away for a long time. Michael just shakes his head and leaves. She picks up the helmet again and cries. In Delaware. Jesse: The battery's dead. Mr.Evans: Your cigar. Mr.Evans lights Jesse's cigar for him. Jesse: Thanks. Mr.Evans: Good work today. You missing home. Jesse: Hmm? Mr.Evans: Isabel? Jesse: What about her? Mr.Evans: Are you missing her? Jesse: Yeah. Sure. Back at the Remerez apartment. Isabel and Mrs.Evans just get back from their shopping spree. They walk in laughing. Mrs.Evans: Oh, my goodness. Have you ever seen discounts like that? I mean, you'd think The whole town was having a, a fire sale. (She drops down on the couch) Isabel: Yeah. Mrs.Evans: How's Max, Isabel? Isabel: Um, Max uh, um, he's fine I- I think he's studying for finals right now. Mrs.Evans: Hmm. Does um, does he know what he's gonna do when he graduates? Back at the hotel. Mr.Evans: Forget I'm your father in law for a second. Jesse: (he laughs) That's impossible. Mr.Evans: Try. You trying? Jesse: Yes, dad. Mr.Evans: Try harder. Jesse: What do you wanna know? Back to the apartment. Mrs.Evans: (she looks at Isabel's wedding picture on the table) Hmm. Nothing worse than being Alone in a house without the one you love is there? Back at the hotel. Mr.Evans: I want to know if everything's ok? Jesse: Everything's uh, a little more difficult than I expected. Mr.Evans: What were you expecting? Jesse: Less difficulty. Mr.Evans nods and laughs Back at the apartment. Isabel: It's ok. He won't be gone forever. Mrs.Evans: Oh, I-it drives me crazy. I mean, I hate being alone in the house when your dad is Gone. The silence is deafening. Back at the hotel. Jesse: (laughs) Look, I'm glad you're concerned really. But at the moment I think I should just keep This between me and Isabel. (He nods) I mean, I know you're her father Mr.Evans: At the moment I'm your friend. I'm serious about this Jesse. I want you to know that you Can come to me with anything you want to discuss. Even if it's about your wife. I've known her Slightly longer than you. So. Door's open that's all I'm saying. Jesse: Thanks. (Mr.Evans nods and they go back to smoking their cigars) Back at the apartment. Mrs.Evans: I could sure use some company. Isabel: Um Mrs.Evans: I could make double fudge brownies. Isabel: Not fair Mrs.Evans: I am an evil manipulative woman. Just ask your dad. Isabel: (laughs) Mrs.Evans: What do you say? Isabel: Sounds great. Mrs.Evans: Great. At a junkyard, in private meeting. Major Carlston: What's this about Cadet Griffin? Connie: Thank you for meeting me here sir, I just didn't feel comfortable coming onto the base with This. Major Carlston: With what? She reaches into her car and shows him the helmet. Major Carlston: Where'd you get this? Connie: Through a friendly sir. Sir, is my father alive? Major Carlston: Has your father been depressed lately? Acting different? Has he said anything that Would indicate that Connie: You think he killed himself? Major Carlston: We can't find him? We have reason to believe he may have gone over. With information Relating to the Raptor. Connie: No. Major Carlston: We have searched everywhere within a ten mile radius. If he contacts you. I need To know about it. Connie: My father is not a traitor sir. Major Carlston: I hope you're right. There's nothing else you can do here. Go back to Colerado, I will contact you if I hear anything. Connie: Yes sir. He takes the helmet from her and she gets into her car and drives away. The mysterious man comes out from in between two trailers and walks over to Major Carlston. Mysteryman: That was quite a yarn. Major Carlston: Find the friendly that gave her the helmet. I'll meet with you later. Mysteryman: Sure. Maybe we can split a malt or something? Later that night. Connie is driving home from the meeting when suddenly a 4x4 shows up in her rearview mirror Blaring his highbeams in her eyes. Then he hits her from the rear. Connie: Wha? Suddenly he veers around her and knocks her off the embankment. It's the mysteryman. He Gets out of the 4x4 and walks to where she is turned upside down in her car. Connie: Help me please. Somebody please help me. He looks in and sees her trapped and hurt. Connie: Help. Help me. Mysteryman: Hey. (She looks at him) It's a beautiful night. Just try and relax. Enjoy the desert Air. (He walks away and sets a bomb on the car) Connie: Help. Help me. Then he runs back to the car and drives away. Connie: (crying) Somebody please help me. Help. Help me please. As he pulls away Michael drives up on his motorcycle. Connie: Help. Help me please. Michael: Cover your face. She does as he asks and he uses his powers to get the door off. He reaches in and pulls her out. Connie: How did you do that? Michael: Do what? Connie: The door? How did you, you? Michael: The crash loosened the hinges. Come on. Connie: What? Michael: Come on just I think we should get going They hurry back to Michael's bike. Connie: Wait a minute how did you know that I was Michael: I told you, you're being lied to I had a feeling that they would try something once you turned that helmet in to the Major with the attitude. She stops. Connie: You followed me! Who the hell do you think you are! Suddenly the car blows up and they shield their faces from the blast. Michael: Any more questions? He walks away and gets on his bike. She stares after him, looks back at the car and decides to follow him. [SCENE_BREAK] Back at the Crashdown. Liz: Stop it. Max: What? Liz: Pretending. Max: What am I pretending? Liz: That you don't know any of this. Max: It's all a mystery to me. (He smiles) Liz: Well me too. Michael walks in with Connie in tow. Michael: Hey. This is Connie. Her father is the pilot of that crashed jet. Air force says he's a Traitor on the run but Connie doesn't buy it. Neither do I. They tried to kill her. Connie: Michael says you can help me. Max: Do what? Connie: Find my father? Max: Can I talk to you a second? He and Michael walk away from Connie. Max: What's going on? Michael: That's what we gotta try to figure out. Max: What I'm trying to figure out Michael is you? I don't even know what to say? Michael: That's why you gotta trust your second in command to know what's right. Max: What's right, or what's next. JFK was killed by aliens? What's happening to you? Michael: Me? What's happening to you? We got a major situation here and you don't Seem to care. Max: Which situation would that be, her or you. He walks back into the Crashdown. Maria hands two Milkshakes to the Major and the Assassin. Assassin: Major? Could I have a penne pasta with chicken sun dried tomatoes in a marinera Sauce please. Maria: Ah, no. We only have spaghetti. Assassin: That's not what I want. Maria: What you want is the Olive Garden. Major: He'll have a hamburger. Just bring him a hamburger. Maria nods and walks away. Assassin: I don't eat red meat. Major: Did you do it? Assassin: (sipping on his milkshake, he nods) Major: Did you find anything in her hotel room? Assassin: No. Major: What about the helmet? Who gave it to her? Assassin: Kid named Michael Guerin. Id him off a local news tape. Major: Are you sure it's him? Assassin: I will be after I break a few of his fingers. This is a great milkshake. Maria looks over at him. Maria: Sun dried tomatoes. Michael grabs her from inside the back room and pulls her in. Michael: We need to talk. Maria: Ow. You should be slapped. (She hits him, then looks over at Connie) Who's this? Connie: Connie Griffin. Maria: Oh you're the pilot's daughter right? Michael: Yeah she's in trouble. Connie: My father's missing. Maria: Missing? Isn't he the news has been saying that Michael: No. He's not dead. Max: Michael says the man with the air force guy is the killer. Michael: Yeah he ran her car off the road and tried to blow it up because she has proof that the air force is Lying to the public about her father. Come on guys the air force is hiding something. Maybe a crashed UFO. They all look at each other. Max: What do you propose? Liz looks out the window on the Crashdown's door. Liz: They're leaving. They all go watch the Major and the Assassin leave. Michael: I say we hook the small fish to hook the big fish. Max: Do you really think there's a ship mixed up in this? Michael: I'm not sure but I'm not sure it's important anymore either. Max: So what is? Michael: Doing the right thing. Max: Was there a collision? Michael: What between me and her? Max: Between her father's ship and the UFO. Michael: Maybe. I don't know. You gotta help me. Max: We force the little fish to talk and we're at risk. (They watch them from the Crashdown window) We might have to kill him. (he looks at Michael) Michael looks at the alien masks on sale at the Crashdown. Michael: I've got a better idea. At the Air Force base. Major Carlston walks into a secured room and takes the sack off a man tied to a gurney. Griffin: Pete? Carlston: Ted. Griffin: So what now? No more questions. Carlston: No more questions. Griffin: Well I got one for you? Who was flying that thing? Carlston: Soon as we figure out how to get the cockpit open we'll have an answer to that question. But I'm afraid you won't. Griffin: Because I'll be dead. Carlston: Actually you already are. Griffin: I never ejected. Carlson: (he shakes his head) No. Griffin: What does Connie think? Carlston: What the rest of the media fed world thinks that you brought a malfunctioning billion Dollar jet down into an unpopulated area to save lives. Griffin: And the guards outside my door? Carlston: They think you're a saboteur and spy. And they'd like to see you shot. Griffin: And here I am just a guy that ran into a UFO. Carlston: Well we've got, protocol in these kinds of situations. Griffin: Protocol? Carlston: I'm sorry Ted. (he puts the sack back over his head and leaves) At the Evans' Mrs.Evans: So it's a nice restaurant? Isabel: Yeah. Mrs.Evans: Jesse likes it? Isabel: Yes. Mrs.Evans: But you like it more. Isabel: We like it exactly the same. Mrs.Evans: (she laughs) Uh, you know, what does he hate? Isabel: What? Mrs.Evans: Well I mean you know honey you're father he hates uh, health food and French movies. What does Jesse hate? Isabel: I don't know. Mrs.Evans: You don't know? Isabel: He doesn't hate anything. Mom where is, where is this going? Mrs.Evans: Honey, I'm, I'm just trying to make a little conversation. You know I, I miss talking To you. Bout things that matter. We used to do that. Talk. Isabel: Mom. Mrs.Evans: What? Isabel: I just want to thank you. Mrs.Evans: For what? Isabel: For letting me be who I am. For accepting Jesse and me. Mrs.Evans: Honey you don't have to thank me for that. It's not a chore. You're my daughter. I Should thank you for having all the patience you've had with me. (Isabel laughs) So? How about Blueberry pancakes? Isabel: Now? Mrs.Evans: No, No. In the morning. I mean, your room is still there. Isabel: Oh, I-I should probably get back home. I mean, Jesse might call and Mrs.Evans: You have your cellphone don't you? Isabel: Yeah, but I do kinda miss my old bed. Mrs.Evans: Great. The Assassin walks into Michael's pad with a flashlight, obviously looking for something. Suddenly the door opens and when he looks back there is nobody there. He turns around and there Are two aliens (Michael and Max) standing there. He tries to shoot them but they throw his gun to The wall with their powers. Back at the Evans. Mrs.Evans is on the phone with Mr.Evans. Mr.Evans: She didn't leave did she? You got her to stay? Mrs.Evans: She's here. She's asleep. I-I just don't feel right about this Phillip. Mr.Evans: We're not doing anything they didn't do. Mrs.Evans: Well what have they done? I mean, if you know something specific or you have some Proof will you just tell me? Mr.Evans: They are not who they say they are. Mrs.Evans: Is that what Jesse's telling you? Mr.Evans: No. Jesse's not talking. Mrs.Evans: Well maybe that's because there is nothing to say. Mr.Evans: NA. He's hiding something. He's not the same man that married our daughter. He's Changed and I think what changed him was knowledge. Mrs.Evans: Of what? Mr.Evans: That's what we're going to find out. Did you do what I told you? Mrs.Evans: Yes. Mr.Evans: Honey. They left us with no choice. They forced us to do this. Mrs.Evans: I know. I know. Back at Michael's. The Assassin is bound by an invisible force to the chair. Assassin: Oh my gosh. What do you want? What do you want! Alien: Where is Colonel Griffin? Where is Colonel Griffin? Assassin: I-I I don't know who that is? Look what is this? The other alien uses his powers to spin the chair at incredible speeds. Max and Michael turn around take off their masks and take another breath of Helium. Then Max stops him from spinning. Max: Where is our ship? (He pulls up his hand) Prepare the probe. Assassin: Wait. Uh, wait, wait. I-I-I I swear I-I don't know anything. Max: Where is Colonel Griffin, where is our ship? We will get answers. Max spins him again. Back at the Crashdown. Max comes down the stairs dressed as a military officer. Michael: They're gonna kill him. Connie: What? Michael: He saw something and they need to get rid of him. Clean team is on it's way to pick him Up and take him to the desert. Max: We're getting there first. Connie: Where'd you get those clothes? Michael: We got a plan. Connie: You've got a plan? No,no,no,no. We're talking about my dad here. I'm not just gonna let some highschoolers Maria: Hey. We've had practice Ok. Connie: Who are you people? Michael: We're the good guys. Maxwell we gotta go. Max: (to Liz) Hey. You know when to meet us? Liz: In two hours. Max: All right. Connie we'll get him back. I promise. Max goes to leave and Liz grabs him. Liz: Hey. Be careful. If there really is a spaceship don't get on it. Max: Not a chance in hell. Max puts on his hat and Michael goes to say goodbye to Maria. Michael: By the way, I'm sorry for ever suggesting that you'd be better off dead. Maria: Go. Do a good thing. They leave with the girls looking on. Connie: They're gonna need ID's to get on the base. Maria and Liz just look at each other. At the base. The guard comes over to the van. The assassin shows him his ID and they drive on. Michael (as the assassin): It's up here on the right. Max: Got it. Go check out the ship. If there is one. Michael: And if there's occupants. Max: We'll deal with that later. I got this. Michael: Ok. Michael walks off and Max stops outside of the guarded room. Max: I'm here for him. Guard: And who are you? Max: None of your damn business soldier eyes front! Don't look at me! Open the door. They open the door and Max brings the gurney into the room. Max: Close it. (Max pulls the sack off Colonel Griffin's face) Colonel Griffin? Connie sent us. Max lifts up the bottom of the sheet on the gurney and the assassin is lying there tied up and his Mouth taped. In the meantime, Michael as the assassin is checking out the secured area. He sees a whole bunch of suited scientists gathered in a lower deck. He walks through a door with a sign saying BIO HAZARD ENTRY PROHIBITED, and walks Down to the lower level. Here he sees tables full of debris. He finds something that looks like it might Be an alien artifact so he takes it. Back in Giffin's cell the guard is looking in and is getting antsy. Max glares at him. Back at the Crashdown. The three girls are sitting around waiting. Liz: It will be ok. Connie: Should have gone with them. Maria: Would have been stopped. Connie: They could die. Liz: They've had practice. Connie: Dying. Liz: No. I mean things like this. Connie: Do things like this happen a lot around here? Maria and Liz just look at each other. Connie: Why don't you leave? Maria: We've tried. Liz: No place like home. Connie: If they get him out. Liz: They will. Connie: We won't be able to go home. They'll come after us. Let em. Back at the base. Max: Is there a ship? Michael (as the assassin): There's a ship. Max: Damn it. Michael: Don't you hate it when I'm right? Max: Usually but to be clear I don't hate you. Michael: I know that. Where's Griffin? Max: The guard gave me some trouble. We gotta go. Intercom: Major Carlston. Code Eight. Major: (picks up the phone) Major Carlston. Down in the secured area. Scientist: It was right here. Major: Give me your sidearm. We've got a breach. He takes off up to the upper level. By that time Max and Michael are in the van on route. He goes up to Griffin's cell and shoots him. When Max and Michael clear the gate, Michael uses his powers to change his face back to One of the masks they were using to scare the assassin. He takes it off. Michael: This is where I'd step on it. The Major takes off the sack and finds that he has just shot the assassin. Later, Michael hands a cloth to Colonel Griffin. Griffin: Thanks. Michael: Not a problem. Griffin: Now, who are you? Michael: The Calvary. Your daughter's waiting for you. She knows everything. Griffin: Everything? Michael: Enough to know that your lives are going to be very different. Griffin: I guess that means we'll be running? Michael: I guess so. You might want to keep the UFO thing to yourself. Griffin: How do you know about that? Michael: We got our ways. They pull up to Max's blue car and they are waiting for them. Connie: Dad. (She hugs him) Griffin: Connie. Oh. Max puts his hand on the van and uses his powers to change the color. Michael: I think you guys better get going. Griffin: Yeah, they're going to be looking for silver He looks over at the van and it is no longer silver it's white. Griffin: Uh wasn't that van ? Connie: How did you do that? Max: Like the man said, we've got ways. Connie: (looks at Michael) thank you. She hugs him. Griffin: Let's go. Griffin goes to leave. Liz: That was different. Saving someone else's bacon for a change. Max: (Smiles) Yeah. Feels good. Griffin drives off. Michael: (holds up the artifact) there's a ship. Liz: Wonderful and is there an alien pilot? Max: Don't know. Maria: Don't you want to find out? Michael: For now, we should stay as far away as possible from that base. Max: Fine with me. Let's go home. He hugs Liz to him. Max: We'll do this another day. Maria walks over to Michael and punches him playfully in the arm. Then they get in the car and drive off. Back at Evans'. Mrs. Evans is making blueberry pancakes. Mrs.Evans: Isabel! Honey breakfast is almost ready. Isabel: (on her cell) Hello? Jesse: Did I wake you up? Isabel: No I'm up. How are you? Jesse? Jesse: Your father's asking questions. Isabel: What do you mean? Jesse: I mean he's on to you. He knows I'm covering something up. He knows it's something bad. Isabel: How can he know that? Jesse: Because he's not stupid, Isabel. Isabel: What did you tell him? Jesse: I didn't tell him anything. Isabel: (sighs) When are you coming home? Jesse: We'll be back tonight. Where are you? Isabel: At my mom's. Jesse: She giving you the third degree? Isabel: Yes. Jesse: It's just a matter of time. They're working on this together now. Isabel: Damn it. Damn it! Jesse: It's just a matter of time. Isabel: I have to go. She hangs up the phone and uses her powers to vent. Little does she know that her mom has put A Video Recorder in her room and has recorded the whole thing. Mrs.Evans: (she hears banging upstairs) Isabel? Are you all right honey? Isabel: Yes Mother. I'm fine. Just fine. Later that night. Mrs.Evans plays the tape over and over not believing what she is seeing. Then Mr.Evans comes home. Mr.Evans: Honey, I'm home. What's wrong? Hey are you ok? Honey, are you ok? (She nods toward the TV and plays the tape for him) Oh my gosh! (She puts her face in his Shoulder)

Michael witnesses a fatal crash between a fighter jet and an alien vessel, and embarks on his own investigation leading to the recovery of an artifact. Meanwhile, Isabel spends the day with her mother, who's harboring a secret agenda and is working with her husband to discover Max and Isabel's secret, which leads to a shocking revelation.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_05x08

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_05x08_0

[Scene: outside in Boston. Jen and Dawson are sitting on a bench drinking coffee and talking to one another.] Jen: Fifteen more minutes Dawson: Yep. You don't have to stay with me if you don't want to. Jen: Hmm, you're not thinking about chickening out again are you? Dawson: I don't No, I'm not thinking about chickening out. I might ditch, but that's something different. Entirely. Jen: You know, it's not really so bad. Dawson: Therapy? Jen: Yeah. Dawson: So. I just talk right? I go into a, total stranger's office. I tell them my deepest fears and it is supposed to solve something? Jen: No, not necessarily. Freud was actually considered himself quite lucks if he could manage to convert hysterical misery into common everyday unhappiness. Dawson: So, the goal here is unhappiness? Jen: Exactly. Dawson: Great. Jen: Ahh. What did he know anyway? All that crap about pen1s envy and over emphasis on libido. Dawson: (Laughs) I love college Jen. I feel like I'm in a French movie. Jen: (Laughs) Really, it's not so bad, trust me. 90% of people on this earth can benefit from a little honest to goodness time on the couch. Dawson: You actually laid on a couch? Jen: Once, but it was not very comfortable. The whole Tom Frost office, very stark, very Danish. However, I predict that this Rachel Weir of yours will probably be much warmer. I'm sure she's Like a spider plant in the window kind of chick. Dawson: You never felt ridiculous blathering on about your problems to a total stranger? Jen: No more ridiculous than I feel about blathering on to no one on the radio. Dawson: Hey. It's not true. I listen. Jen: You and grams. Dawson: Thank you for doing this with me. Jen: Any time. [Scene: Joey's dorm room. Joey is sitting on her bed which is covered with papers, when Audrey comes into the room holding a video camera.] [Door opens] Boy: Ok, so just Audrey: I got it. Love ya. Mean it. Really. Seriously. Boy: Uh, Audrey, call me if you need me. Audrey: How come your film geek looks like tom cruise and the one who worships me looks like the kid who doesn't want to go to the dance in sixteen candles? Joey: You know, you should be nicer to George. I'm sure he's going to be very famous some day. Audrey: Whatever. All I know is that I practically had to sleep with him to get him to loan me his digital video camera. Joey: What do you need that for, anyway? Audrey: My audition tape. Real world, Ibiza, here I come. Joey: You're kidding me. Audrey: No. And it's not that I wouldn't miss you, Jo, it's just, who wouldn't rather winter in Spain? Ok. I'm having problems with the tone of the tape, though. Do I go for vamp, vixen, or all-out slut? Joey: Well, just as long as you're planning on representing all the colors of the rainbow. Audrey: What is all this stuff, anyway? Joey: I'm trying to get up to speed for this Rose Lazare project. We're having another meeting tonight. Audrey: Oh, shouldn't you be getting ready? Joey: I'm trying, but these books I mean, you practically need footnotes for the footnotes. Audrey: Not that, you fool! Wardrobe! Joey: Audrey, I really don't think anyone's gonna be noticing what I'm wearing. Audrey: Ok, and where would Madonna be if she had that attitude? Joey: I'm serious here. You have no idea what these meetings are like. I mean, everyone else is, like, a junior or senior. They're dropping names so fast and furiously they're practically leaving dents in the carpet. And then wilder will throw in these little off-the-cuff explanations obviously intended for me. I mean, the guy knows I'm an idiot. Why would he even bother picking me for something like this? Audrey: Please. Because you're hot, and he's a teacher. And don't tell me you didn't consider that a possibility. I mean, would it be so awful if some incredibly gorgeous guy found you attractive? Joey: Well, has it ever occurred to you that the goal of the college experience is not to be reduced to a piece of meat? Audrey: Oh, so you'd rather be a brain in a jar? Joey: Well, then I wouldn't have to worry about what I'm wearing. Audrey: Definitely this. [Scene: The restaurant. Pacey is trying to cook something while Brecher watches him work] Pacey: So, how many people are actually coming to this anniversary thing? Brecher: Maybe 300, almost all of whom will be eating your mushroom-duck crepes, which you have approximately 39 hours left to perfect. Pacey: And these are friends. Brecher: Friends...backers, patrons, reviewers, who are all happy to keep being our friends so long as they're kept happy. [Karen comes in] Karen: Rob called. Brecher: And what did young rob have to say for himself? Karen: He called to confirm the white asparagus should be here tomorrow morning. [Brecher takes the food off the plate and puts it back in Pacey's pan] Brecher: This is too early. Look, you've gotta wait for the sauce to caramelize. Try it again. Karen: He also said congratulations. Brecher: That means a lot. Especially considering that last year he demanded cash for every delivery and kept sending us the wilted lettuce. Karen: I know. And you slept here every night to wait for the deliveries. Brecher: Well, I had to be there in enough time so that they could unpack the stuff and then repack it again. Karen: Rob hated you for that. Brecher: He did. However, he started sending us the fresh stuff. Pacey: So, you were actually the second chef here. Brecher: Yep. They hired me after the first one's coke habit became a bit too habitual. Pacey: And you really used to live here? Brecher: For months at a time. Pacey: That has got to be hell on a marriage. Hey, speaking of, is Emily gonna be here tomorrow? Brecher: No. She can't make it. [Scene: Rachel's office. Dawson is sitting in a chair across from Rachel, to begin therapy.] Rachel: Something funny? Dawson: No, I--it's a long story. Rachel: Longer than 50 minutes? Dawson: No, it's just, my friend Jen and I were trying to guess what you'd be like, and she... Rachel: right. Right. I used to have plastic ones, but I got rid of 'em. Makes the patients nervous. No one wants a therapist that can't even keep a plant alive. Dawson: Right. Rachel: So, what else did you expect? Dawson: I don't know. What anybody expects. Rachel: Robin Williams in good will hunting? Or Judd Hirsch in a big sweater? Dawson: Do you want to, like, start over or something? I want to do this right. Rachel: You are doing it right. Dawson: So, uh, I guess you know why I'm here. Rachel: I would kinda like to hear that from you, if I could. Dawson: I've been having these attacks. Rachel: Panic attacks? Dawson: Yeah. And I know they're my way of dealing with my father's death. Rachel: And you're sure about that? Dawson: Well, I mean, nothing else is really all that different in my life right now. Rachel: Nothing else? Dawson: I guess that's not really true, is it? Rachel: Did it feel true? Dawson: Well, 6 months ago, this is not what I thought I'd be doing with my life. Rachel: What are you doing? Dawson: Nothing. I mean, I'm helping my mom, I guess. Rachel: And you're not in school? Dawson: No. I was...at USC. Rachel: That's a good school. It's far away. Dawson: Yeah. I'm thinking about going back. I mean, not now. Not recently. I mean, my mom still needs me. I've got a baby sister who's not even one. Rachel: But next semester, maybe? Dawson: Yeah, I've been-- I've been meaning to-- to call them and find out about that. Rachel: Is this something that you want to do? Dawson: I don't know. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. I don't--I don't really do anything. I think I'm frozen between the past and the future. I mean, there's no reason I couldn't go back. Rachel: Except for the panic attacks... and your mom, who obviously needs you, and your baby sister. Dawson: Right. I guess-- I guess that wasn't all that true either, was it? Rachel: Well, the brain works in mysterious ways. Dawson: So, am I just lying to myself? Rachel: Dawson, losing someone you love-- losing them suddenly, with no logical explanation-- the brain isn't set up to cope with something like that. And along the way, a few lies here and there... it's probably par for the course. The only problem is when you start convincing yourself that the lies are true. [Scene: At the book meeting. Joey, Wilder and several other students are sitting around talking about some of the papers strewn about.] Alan: If you ask me, I think this whole thing must be evidence of some big lesbian affair. That's why the husband never showed anybody these letters during her lifetime. Cassandra: And it would explain all the references to Sappho. Wilder: You know, Alan, just because a teenage girl happens to appreciate the lyric poetry of the ancient world's most famous lesbian, doesn't necessarily mean she wants to sleep with other teenage girls. Cassandra: Yeah, but Rose did. As literary sluts go, she was right up there with Edna St. Vincent Millay and Anais Nin. Wilder: Ok, before Cassandra drops anymore names on us, uh, Joey, any thoughts on what makes these particular Rose Lazare letters so different from the hundreds of others we've been sloughing through? Joey: Uh... well, for starters, they're interesting. And this may sound like a stupid question, but who's I.V.? Wilder: That is a far from stupid question. In fact, that is the question. I.V. "I" period, "v" period. The person to whom all these letters are written could be anybody. She never uses a full name? Not within the letters themselves. Alan: What about the envelopes? Wilder: She could have destroyed them, thinking that the letters were still inside, or they all possibly may be in a shoebox stuffed under a bed in new jersey. Cassandra: So, essentially, what you're saying is we have absolutely no idea who these letters were written to. Wilder: None. All that we know are that these are the most intimate, most revealing letters of her career. For the first time in these letters, we catch a glimpse of somebody who is real. Somebody who doubts them self. Somebody who is not afraid of looking stupid while asking essential questions about life. And Rose obviously wrote them to somebody that she cared a lot about. Other than that, we know nothing. So, it's a mystery. Cassandra: Cool. Like Derrida's post card for real. Don't you think, Joey? Joey: Um, I probably would if I had any idea who you were talking about. Wilder: Ok. I think that's a good note to end on. Um, so next time, I want you all to have ideas on who this mystery person could be. Many, many ideas. Till then. [Scene: The restaurant. Pacey is working when Karen comes in to talk to him] Karen: So, you got a date for Wednesday? Pacey: Nope. Karen: What happened to that blond girl I used to see you with? Melissa? Pacey: Melanie. Karen: Right. Pacey: She's a law student. That tends to take up a lot of your time. Karen: That's too bad. You with a law student. Probably could have come in handy some day. So, listen, you want me to set you up with one of my friends? Pacey: No. Karen: Why not? I've got some hot friends. Pacey: I said no, ok? Karen: Hey, what have you done with Pacey? He used to be such a lovable galumph. Pacey: Well, he's a little fed up right now. Karen: Yeah, about what? Pacey: Believe me, you don't want to know. Karen: Maybe I do. Pacey: Ok. You know that boyfriend of yours? The one I've been hearing so much about? He wouldn't by any chance be coming tomorrow night, would he? Karen: No, not exactly. Pacey: You see, now here it's been months, and I've never actually seen the guy. How is that possible? Karen: Well, it's like I said, he's got a really crazy schedule. Pacey: Hmm. And when he's not standing you up, does he ever take you anyplace special? I don't know, maybe Boston harbor, a gigantic sailboat? Karen: So, what? He told you? Pacey: No, he didn't tell me. It's my boat. All this time you've been complaining to me about your boyfriend, and here I've been stupid enough to actually have sympathy for you. Karen: I never asked you to have sympathy for me. Pacey: You didn't ask me to have sympathy, and believe me, I've been trying not to. Karen: So, what, you're just gonna lay your little guilt trip on me now? You don't know anything about my life, Pacey. Pacey: What I know is that this relationship is going to bring you nothing but grief. And I also know that I had to look his wife in the eyes and lie for you. Believe me, that was not too enjoyable. Karen: Yeah. Well, you know, in the real world, sometimes people actually have to do things that are not so enjoyable and accept things that are a little less than perfect, and compromise for reasons that sometimes people are too immature to comprehend. In which case, they should just stay the hell out of it. [Scene: Outside Dawson's house. Dawson and Gale are walking together in the back yard talking.] Gale: So, uh, how was your therapy? Dawson: It was fine. Gale: Did she have an opinion about USC? Dawson: Not really. Gale: Well, you know, Dawson, eventually things are gonna have to start getting back to normal around here. Dawson: Were things ever normal around here? [Their attorney pulls up.] Gale: Ah. Here we go. [They all go and sit down on the porch.] Attorney: This last item is the living trust. As you know, the trust provides money for health care, educational assistance, financial support. You and Dawson are the listed recipients. Dawson: But not lily? Gale: To my knowledge, Mitch never filed a codicil including her in the trust, which means that technically she won't have access to it, which isn't necessarily a concern right now. There are ways that we can work around that, perfectly legal ways. Dawson: But that's not ideal? Attorney: No. I would take a look around for it. I mean, you never know where these things can turn up. A folder, an envelope, the back of a drawer. Gale: Well, we'll certainly look for it. And thank you. Attorney: Well, good luck. Thanks. [Scene: Outside the school. Joey and Wilder are walking down the sidewalk talking about the project.] Wilder: So, I take it you've been finding our little Rose Lazare project somewhat snooze-inducing. Joey: Well, I wouldn't go that far. Wilder: But you have implied that most of Rose's letters were uninteresting. Joey: Well, it's just that, you know, up until this point they've all been so stiff and formal, as if she's writing to someone who's grading her or something. Wilder: People can't be at ease with other people who are giving them grades? Joey: No. Or at least they shouldn't be. Wilder: Good point. So, you don't think she could have written them to a teacher, say, or a mentor. Keep in mind that she was quite young when she wrote these. Around 18 or 19, I think. Joey: I don't know. I think they were written to a friend. Wilder: Interesting. So you're not buying Cassandra's torrid lesbian love affair theory? Joey: Oh, I don't know. It's just that if they were love letters, wouldn't she be Wilder: what, be more obvious about it? Not if she was writing to another woman back in the twenties. Joey: No, that's not what I meant. I mean, if they were love letters, wouldn't she be less honest? Wilder: There's a paradox in there somewhere. Joey: I read all of them last night, and Rose totally pours her heart out into these letters. And who is that honest with someone they're sexually attracted to? People can be friends, right, best friends, but the second sexual attraction comes into it, it's like all bets are off as far as honesty is concerned. Wilder: So, you don't think people can be both friends and lovers? Joey: I do. I hope I do, but... not at 18. Wilder: Well, then I think you better concentrate on this friend angle. Joey: You know, I would, but to be honest, I don't have the same background as everybody else. I don't even know where to start. Wilder: Sure you do. Where do most people make their most lasting friendships? And don't say high school. Joey: College. Wilder: Exactly. And which progressive, if overpriced, liberal arts college did Rose Lazare happen to go to? Joey: This one. Wilder: Which means her friends... Joey: Probably went her, too. Why are you helping me? Wilder: Let's just say I like underdogs. [Scene: Dawson's house. Dawson is going through every bit of paper he can find in the house when his mother comes down stairs.] Gale: Honey? Dawson: You don't think it could be at the restaurant, do you? Like, in a drawer somewhere in the office? Gale: I thought you were going to stop looking. Dawson: Yeah, so did I, but I can't. Gale: But you heard what Mr. Brezny said, didn't you? It's a technicality. It doesn't matter, honey. Everything is going to be fine. Dawson: Well, it'd be better if we could find it. I mean, it's gotta be here somewhere. Gale: Dawson, stop. Dawson: Why? Gale: Because you're scaring me a little. Dawson: You found it, didn't you? Gale: Page 63 of the Stephen king novel on his night stand. Dawson: And it's not signed. Gale: I never thought it would be. Honey, your father was a lot of things, but he, uh, wasn't good with details. [Scene: The School library. Joey is looking through the shelf for the right yearbook, but it is gone, when she notices Cassandra sitting at one of the tables looking through a Yearbook.] Joey: Hi. Cassandra: Oh, hi. Joey: Can I? Cassandra: Sure. Joey: Thanks. Cassandra: Don't tell me you're looking for this? Joey: Yeah. Cassandra: So, got any theories yet? Joey: Well, I was looking into her roommate, Shirley Brown. They caught the chicken pox together. Cassandra: Yeah, but that's doubtful. Rose mentions her later in her letters to Lola Murray. Calls her small-minded. And would you bear your soul to someone you thought was small-minded Joey: I guess not. Cassandra: But the whole college friends thing, that's a good idea. I can't believe we both had it. But it's ok. I mean, this whole thing is just an excuse to be around professor wilder anyway, right? You can have the yearbook if you want it. Joey: Thanks. [Scene: Pacey's boat. Pacey walks up the pier towards his boat and notices Karen standing next to it.] Karen: Witter. Pacey: Torres. Karen: I thought I might apologize for the stuff I said. Pacey: What stuff you said? Karen: You know what stuff. Pacey: Well, it's ok 'cause I wasn't exactly prince charming, either. Karen: No, but you got put in the middle of something, Pacey, which wasn't fair. And when you called me on it, I was defensive and judgmental, which wasn't fair, either. Besides, what do I really know about you? Pacey: I could say the same about you. Karen: Me? About me there's really not much to know. Pacey: Oh, come on. That's not an answer. Karen: You remind me of him. Pacey: I remind you of a guy who could cheat on his wife? Karen: Stop. You know, when we got together, it wasn't exactly cheating. Emily had walked out on him. She felt that he spent too much time at the restaurant, and she was right. But what she didn't understand was that without him, civilization would have folded in 6 months. Danny just has this kind of infectious idealism. This belief that things can work out. I think that's what he sees in you. Pacey: You know, we don't have to stay out here on the dock. You wanna come in? Karen: No. I came to say I'm sorry, and now that I have, I should probably go home. Pacey: You sure? Karen: Yeah. Pacey: Ok. Well, good night, Karen. Karen: Good night, Pacey. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Jen's house. Jen and Dawson are sitting at the table talking.] Jen: So, you like her? Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, I do. She's cool, you know? She wants me to come 3 times a week. Jen: Good. Dawson: Good? My lack of mental health is good? Jen: Yes, because it means that I will get to see you more often. What? Dawson: Well, we just found out that my dad neglected to add lily to his will. Jen: And what did your mom say? Dawson: Well, my mom said the same thing the lawyer said, which is that it's not a big deal. It's a technicality we can work around. Jen: Well, it probably is. Dawson: It's not. It can't be. Jen: I feel like you're, I don't know, like, hanging onto the wrong thing here. Dawson: What do you mean? Jen: Um, maybe your mom is right, you know? Maybe the will isn't such a big deal. It's probably-- it's probably nothing. It's probably a red herring, or something. A meaningless little detail sent to you by the universe to throw you off track of the real culprit. Dawson: And who is that? Jen: I mean, he just made a mistake, Dawson. Dawson: I know. I'm not saying he's perfect. Jen: I know, but you just seem-- you're so afraid to get mad at him. Dawson: I'm not. What good-- it's not gonna change anything. Jen: But it might change you. And call me crazy, but it think that is the point of therapy. [Scene: Joey's dorm room. Joey is sitting on the bed, while Audrey is showing her a video tape.] Audrey: It was on this site that... ok, so this is the stuff of me giving the tour. George took this. It's nice, isn't it? The lighting's good, and I think it's better than the stuff of me pretending to study, right? Joey: They're all great, Audrey, but, you know, I'm gonna be late. Audrey: Just chill. There's only one more option, ok? [She fast forwards to a part with the camera on her and she is talking to it.] Audrey: I know, great birthday present, right? I mean, what 14-year-old wants to fend for themselves like an adult? But I have to forgive her, I know that. 'Cause forgiving her is the only way that I'm ever gonna be good to anyone else. The part that's just really just terrifying is that I think that I'm actually... I don't know, I'm, like, turning into her. I'm loud and shameless and bossy and I...I freak people out sometimes. But I don't think that I can change that, 'cause even if I don't particularly like who I am, I--at least I know who that is. I mean, if I tried to change... who the hell knows who I'd be? [Joey gets a smile on her face and gets up and grabs her coat.] Audrey: What? What's wrong? Joey: Nothing's wrong. That--that-- that's great. That's it. That is... that's the one. Audrey: But I'm just sitting there talking to myself. Joey: Exactly. Audrey: But isn't it kind of cheesy and vulnerable? Joey: No, it's you. It's the real you. I mean, that girl in the video who's not afraid to look stupid... that's the real you. And for what it's worth, I've met your mom. I mean, you're nothing like her. Bye. Audrey: Bye. [Scene: The restaurant. Pacey is working in the kitchen when Brecher comes in, all dressed up.] Brecher: You know, I'm so sorry you're gonna be stuck back here all night. I mean, I feel like the wicked stepmother that's keeping you from the ball. Pacey: I think my inner princess will get over it. [Karen comes into the kitchen] Karen: Wow! You know, I think I would look pretty good with a Rose between my teeth. [Karen and Brecher get close, when Pacey notices Brecher's wife come into the kitchen.] Pacey: Uh, hey, Emily! Emily: Hi, Pacey. Still burning the crepes? Pacey: Yeah. It's hard to get a hand in here, you know? Everybody's always goofing around. Brecher: Hey. I--I thought you weren't coming. Emily: So did I. It's kind of hard to celebrate the success of the restaurant that almost ruined your marriage. Pacey: Yeah, I imagine that would kinda suck. Brecher: Dance with me. Emily: Any time. [Brecher and Emily leave] Pacey: You ok? Karen: Yeah. Sure. Fine. What do you care? You probably called her. Pacey: Well, you know that's not true. Karen: Do I? Pacey: Look, Karen, I know you thought tonight was gonna be your date with destiny, but I'm just trying to be a friend here, ok? Karen: Is that what you think I need, is a friend? Pacey: Yeah, 'cause you obviously don't have too many of 'em, or they would've already told you how badly this is gonna end for you, for him, for everybody. They would've told you that things like this Karen: told me what, Pacey? That married men don't leave their wives for waitresses they're sleeping with? Pacey: Yeah. Karen: Thanks for the news flash. [Scene: Rachel's office. Dawson and Rachel are meeting for their second session.] Dawson: I think the worst part about it was that my mom didn't even seem to care. It's like she expected him to have messed this thing up. Maybe that's why I got so mad. Rachel: So...you were mad? Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, I was. Rachel: At your mother... or at him for not signing it? Dawson: At him, but I can't be mad at him right now. Rachel: Sure you can. Wasn't your father mad at you? You told me he laid down the law, bought you a plane ticket. Dawson: Yeah. I gave it right back to him. Rachel: And you had reasons for that. Dawson: Yeah, but he obviously had reasons for wanting me to go back to USC. Rachel: Yes, he did. And maybe he was wrong. If he were here and we could ask him, we'd probably find out that all those reasons were more about him-- his hopes, his expectations. And just because he died, doesn't mean that he gets to win the argument. Dawson: When I remember that night, all I feel... is furious. Rachel: That's ok. That's how you feel. Dawson: So what do I do now? Rachel: What every 18-year-old has to do: Decide what to do with your own life. Dawson: And what if I don't know? Rachel: That's fine, too. Although, personally... I think you do know. [Scene: The restaurant. Pacey comes out of the kitchen and notices Karen sitting alone at one of the tables. And goes over to her.] Pacey: Hey, Torres. Karen: Hey, Pacey. What do you want? Pacey: Well, when I was running my mouth off back there, I forgot to mention one thing. You look amazing tonight. [Karen looks over to see Brecher and Emily close dancing.] Karen: You ever wish you were someone else? Pacey: Yeah. Harrison ford, raiders of the lost ark. Karen: No. I don't mean someone specific. I just mean someone else, someone... completely different from who you are. That's what I want right now. Pacey: Well, hi, I'm Scott. And you are? Karen: I'M...I'm Marie. Nice to meet you, Scott. Pacey: It's nice to meet you, too, Marie. You are without a doubt the single most jaw-droppingly beautiful woman in this room. And I was wondering if you would honor me with a dance. Karen: Yeah. [They get up to dance. And Karen sees Brecher Kiss Emily.] Pacey: So, tell me, Marie, where are you from? Karen: Just drop it, Pacey. Pacey: Pacey? Who is this Pacey? I have a funny feeling I should be insulted. Karen: How can he... I mean, how can he just Pacey: you know, just calm down, Karen. Karen: I need to go talk to him. Pacey: I think that that would be a really bad idea. Karen: I don't care. Pacey: Karen, what would you say to him? Seriously, what would you say? [Scene: The project meeting. Joey comes in late, and Cassandra moves over giving her room on the couch.] Cassandra: Here you go, Joey. Joey: Thank you. Sorry. Wilder: We'll forgive you if you brought string cheese. No? Ok. Guess you had to be there. Cassandra, you were wowing us with your theory. Cassandra: It's not a theory, really, just a notion. I think whoever Rose was writing those letters to must also have been a writer. I mean, besides s*x, that's practically all she talks about, her insecurities about writing. And who cares about writing except other writers? Wilder: Well, it's highly possible. Joey, agree or disagree? Joey: Uh, I strongly agree. Wilder: Sounds like you have a theory of your own you'd like to share. Joey: I think Rose lizard's greatest confidant was another writer. I think she was Rose Lazare. Wilder: I'll bite. Joey: Well, I--I think she was writing the letters to herself. I think they were like a journal or a diary or a confessional of some kind because they're all about writing, and there are no envelopes, and there's no small talk like in all the other letters. Wilder: The uninteresting ones? Joey: Right. I mean, they're all filled with references about what's going on around her. You know, everyday life, political events, uh, mutual friends, publishers, editors. And these letters are all about herself. You know, her fears and insecurities-- the real her. And I think the only person that she was brave enough to share that with was herself. [Every one is silent] Am I a total idiot? Wilder: No, Joey potter. I think that hush you're hearing is the silence of 5 people simultaneously asking themselves, "why didn't I think of that?" [Scene: After the meeting. Joey and Wilder are cleaning up the mess from the meeting.] Wilder: Kafka writes something very similar to Felice. "Writing letters is like communicating with ghosts, "and not just the ghost of the person addressed, but with your own ghost as well." Joey: Who's Felice? Wilder: Kafka's fianc . They had this intense romance, a kind of will-they, won't they that went on for years. Ultimately... nothing happened. Oh. You wanna hand me that glass? Joey: Yeah. Do you really think I was right about those letters? Wilder: Yours was the best idea I've heard so far. I'm not surprised. You're a freshman. Your brain has yet to be encoded with your discipline's received ideas. Joey: Oh, so, in nonacademic terms, I'm just too stupid to know any better? Wilder: Would you settle for having an open mind? For most people in college, that's the first thing to go. Wow. I hadn't pegged you for such a hardcore cynic. Joey: I'm not. Wilder: Look. It's like this. Most people, when they get to college, feel really insecure. It seems like everybody around them knows so much more. So they race to try to catch up, pretend to know things, instead of slowing down to actually learn them. Because they don't realize that the discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience. See, if you can feel comfortable... not knowing, you can learn anything, anything. And if not, well, then you've stopped before you've begun. Joey: For a while, I was... Wilder: feeling insecure. Joey: No. And I just... I guess what I'm saying is, um... thanks for choosing me to be on this project. Thank you for sticking with it. Wilder: Grab that stuff. I'll clean the rest tomorrow. Joey: Can I ask you one more stupid question? Wilder: Shoot. Joey: Who the hell is Derrida anyway? Wilder: Ha ha! Well, uh, let's just say if literature were the star wars universe, he would be like the Darth Maul. [Scene: The radio Station. Jen is working there as an announcer] Jen on Radio: WBCW. Uh, this is Jen Lindley, and I've been letting you people make requests for long enough now. Tonight I have a dedication of my own. And this one goes out to a very old friend who's seen me at my best and at my worst, and one night at mercer pond, got a pretty good view of me in nothing at all. [REM's Nightswimming playing] [Flashback scene to the night that Dawson and Jen went Skinny dipping.] Dawson: Here I come. Whoo! Ohh! Invigorating! [Laughing] [Scene: Joey's dorm room. Joey and Audrey are talking about yesterday.] Audrey: You really got the idea from my tape? Joey: Yes. Audrey: And... was wilder impressed? Joey: I don't know. I think so. Audrey: Hmm. How impressed? Joey: Audrey. Audrey: Joey, you said you were there after everyone else left. Joey: Ohh, Audrey, please shut up. Audrey: You don't care that you've obviously impressed him and that he obviously thinks you're special? Joey: Heh. No. I just don't care at all. Audrey: [Scoffs] [Scene: Karen' house. Pacey arrives at the door carrying several bags.] Pacey: Hey. Karen: Hey. Pacey: I figured it was my turn to come visit you. Karen: What's that? Pacey: It's a sample platter of tonight's menu. I noticed you didn't really eat too much of anything at the restaurant. Karen: You know, I hate you for making me say this, but...thank you. Pacey: For what? Karen: For this-- for bringing me dinner, for listening the other night, for trying to save me when I told you not to, for not saying, "I told you so." Pacey: That last one may be a bridge too far, because I did tell you so, and I have no problem telling you that I did. Karen: He just-- he kissed her... right there in front of me, like I wasn't even there. Pacey: Well, public kissing is one of the traditional benefits of marriage. Karen: I need to break it off with him. I mean, I just-- I need to end this. I need to move on. Because he's obviously not gonna leave her and... which means we're not going anywhere. Pacey: That's good. Karen: God, this is embarrassing. I'm just another single female with a destructive dating pattern. Pacey: Well, then do like you said. Change it. Karen: What does that even mean, change it? I mean, to what? To you? Sorry. Pacey: Just dig in, ok? Karen: Do you want to join me? I might even have a table under there somewhere. Pacey: Sure. [The phone rings and the answering machine picks up. They both just listen to it.] Answering machine: Hi, this is Karen. If you want me to know who you are, I suggest you leave a message. [Beep] Brecher: Hey, uh, it's me. So, you left. Uh, I can't say I blame you. God, what a mess, Karen. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My, my life is so... complicated right now, and I'm sorry that you're stuck in the middle of it. I...I know that that means practically nothing to you, and I know that you just want to punch me in the face, and you have every right to, but... I love you, Karen. I--I really do... in ways big and small. I never wanted you to get hurt. Please, Karen, if you're there, pick up, please. I just--I wanna talk. I just want to know you're all right. [Scene: Dawson's House. It is late, and Dawson is just getting home to find Gale sitting on the couch by the fireplace reading.] Dawson: You still up? Gale: Ohh, if I don't keep reading, I'll wind up only speaking baby talk. Dawson: [Chuckles] Gale: Oh, you've got, uh, mail. Dawson: What is it? Gale: I don't know. Open it and see. Dawson: I seem to have won a film festival in Hooksett, New Hampshire. Which is... really bizarre because I never entered a film festival in Hooksett, New Hampshire. Gale: No, but your father did. Yep. He wasn't very good with little details, but...he always believed in you. Dawson: I'm not going back to USC. Gale: Ok. Dawson: Ok? Gale: The last thing I want you to do is go back to a school that you don't like out of some misplaced desire to honor your father's memory. Dawson: But he was so set on me going back there. Gale: No. He wasn't ready to give up on the dream, but he would've. You had your reasons for leaving. You'd have won him over. Dawson: You think? Gale: Oh, honey, under all that bluster and concern, he knew it was your decision to make. Dawson: I miss him. Gale: So do I. Dawson: He could be so Gale: I know. I know. He couldn't make a PB&J without getting jelly in the peanut butter jar. Dawson: And he would refuse to buy socks. He would just borrow mine. I loved him... you know? Gale: Me, too. Dawson: [Sighs]

Dawson takes Jen on a road trip to a small film festival in Hooksett, New Hampshire where his documentary about Mr. Brooks has won a prize. The spotlight is intoxicating for both of them as they share one of the single most momentous events in Dawson's life, which results in them becoming a couple. Meanwhile, Jack brings Joey and Audrey to a frat party under false pretenses. Pacey takes Karen on a non-romantic date.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x08

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x08_0

OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai, Rory, Richard, and Emily are eating dinner] RORY: More broccoli, Grandpa? RICHARD: Absolutely. Staves off the cancer. LORELAI: Staves off my appetite. EMILY: You really should eat more green things, Lorelai. LORELAI: I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight. RORY: Oh, have you seen the new twenties? They have a little peach color in 'em. LORELAI: Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty, I'll have my fruits and vegetables. RICHARD: I think we saw some of the new twenties in Atlantic City, didn't we, Emily? EMILY: I think. RORY: How was Atlantic City? Successful? RICHARD: Very. LORELAI: Well, Siskel's chimed in. What about you? EMILY: I'm refraining. RICHARD: It's a bit of a sore subject. LORELAI: We'll talk about something else. EMILY: The garishness, the garishness. LORELAI: Thus spake Ebert. EMILY: Why have a simple sign if it can be in bright flashing neon? And the new slot machines? They don't just make obnoxious bell sounds anymore, they yell at you. LORELAI: The slot machines were talking to you, Mom? Are you sure it wasn't just you? RICHARD: Oh, they talk, I can verify that. One of them kept yelling, "wheel. . .of. . .fortune!" EMILY: And the parking lot of the hotel that we stayed at had an area for RV's. LORELAI: Perish the thought! EMILY: And the boardwalk... RORY: Oh, I've always wanted to see the Atlantic City boardwalk. EMILY: I'll save you a trip. Tip an overflowing trash can on your front porch and walk up and down on it. RICHARD: It was actually quite a successful outing. Maybe not to our taste, but the clients loved it. EMILY: The clients were too plastered to know better. LORELAI: Kind of the point. EMILY: Two of them stayed up all night and smelled like it. RICHARD: That was a tad gross. EMILY: One of them - a married man - had a long conversation with. . .how shall I put this delicately? A woman of less than reputable nature. LORELAI: Hm. Do hookers charge to let you talk to them? RORY: Depends on what they're doing when they're talking to you. EMILY: Rory! RORY: Sorry. EMILY: I expect that from your mother, but not you. RORY: Just a joke. LORELAI: Yeah, Mom, Yale is broadening her world view. EMILY: Digger was in his element. RICHARD: You mean Jason was in his element. EMILY: He caroused along with the best of them. LORELAI: You carouse any, Dad? RICHARD: I played a little craps, but the tables were ice-cold. EMILY: What's the next outing Jason has planned for your clients, Richard? Spring break in Canc n so you can do shots off people's bellies? LORELAI: I'm uncomfortable hearing you say that. RORY: Me, too. RICHARD: I can assure you, Emily, that there are no belly shots in our future. LORELAI: Although doing one off Dad's belly is okay. You're married. EMILY: And those gifts. Those heinous gifts he gave out. RICHARD: Oh, we had little roulette wheels printed up with our company name on them. They were a big hit. Perfect for an executive's table. I got one for each of you. EMILY: Richard, don't, it's embarrassing. RORY: They're cute. EMILY: They're the antithesis of class - so like Digger. RICHARD: Emily, that was his nickname as a boy, and he's sensitive about it. EMILY: I've never called him that to his face. RICHARD: You did at that craps table, and then he sevened out. EMILY: Please, let's discuss something other than New Jersey. RICHARD: I am more than willing. LORELAI: Hey, have you guys read any of Rory's articles in the Yale newspaper? EMILY: Of course, we've read them all. RICHARD: Fine work, Rory. The Yale Daily News is lucky to have you. RORY: Oh, it's really not a big deal. LORELAI: Hey, they're right. Take your props. RICHARD: You'll be running that paper before long. RORY: I'm not even on staff yet. EMILY: You're not? RORY: These are just tryout articles to qualify. You have to write something for every department, and then if those pass muster, then you're on staff. RICHARD: Well, your coverage of that lacrosse match was very exciting. LORELAI: Yeah. For two seconds, I almost gave a flying you-know-what about lacrosse. EMILY: I liked your coverage on the new funds approved for upkeep on the divinity quadrangle. RICHARD: You made it sing. EMILY: We're having all your articles laminated. RORY: That's very nice. LORELAI: Yes! I got my number. CUT TO THE YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE [Rory is looking through a newspaper] PARIS: It just seems like a quaint archaism. I mean, if you're a good journalist, why make you jump through hoops and write all these tryout articles? Stale bagel. RORY: It's a time-honored tradition. All our forebears had to do it. PARIS: If our forebears had fought it, we wouldn't be dealing with it now. What are you looking for? RORY: My article. I did a review of the chamber-music recital. PARIS: Must be in there somewhere. And that's the other thing - they print everything. RORY: Hm, that's weird. PARIS: They'd print my mattress tag if it was in the right margins. RORY: It's not here. PARIS: Impossible. RORY: No, I've looked pretty thoroughly. PARIS: Must be a mistake. RORY: No, it's really not here. PARIS: Just means parakeets will be crapping on something else in the morning. They're all stale. DOYLE: Morning. Morning. RORY: Hi, Doyle. DOYLE: Hi, Rory. Coffee mint? RORY: No, thanks. DOYLE: I'm addicted to these things. So is Bob Woodward. So I hear - not that I'm copying him. What's up? RORY: Well, I was wondering if there was a problem with my review. DOYLE: Oh, the review? Which was yours, the quartet? RORY: Yeah, chamber music at Sprague Hall. DOYLE: Right, right. RORY: Did I get it in late? DOYLE: No, you got it in right on time. You're good about that. RORY: But you didn't print it. DOYLE: No, we didn't. RORY: So, space issue? DOYLE: No, we had the space. We always have the space, but it was a bit of a yawn. RORY: A yawn? DOYLE: Yeah. RORY: Well, you know, chamber-music recitals are very low-key, kind of yawny affairs. Pretty music but no stage diving or anything. DOYLE: I meant the writing. RORY: The writing was kind of a yawn? DOYLE: But don't sweat it. You'll do better next time. RORY: Right, sure. DOYLE: My mother liked it. RORY: Liked what? DOYLE: The recital. She's old. Excuse me. RORY: Sure. Sure. PARIS: Your article didn't get in? RORY: No, it didn't. PARIS: [checks the paper] Mine did. Good, good. I'm going to get a bagel. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are walking down the street] LORELAI: He actually used the word yawn? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: What a jerk. LANE: You should punch him where it counts. RORY: He was just doing his job. LORELAI: He could have been a little more diplomatic. LANE: The word yawn is insulting. RORY: Yeah, but I was actually tired when I wrote it, so it probably wasn't my best work. I should write my articles at night first, then study. LORELAI: I still say Yawn Guy needs a little learnin'. LANE: Yeah, kick him where the sun don't shine. LORELAI: You really are not good at threats. LANE: I know, and I hate that. RORY: I'll just chalk it up to experience. LANE: Hey, what time do you have? RORY: Uh, five to four. LANE: Five minutes to my call with Dave. I should get home. LORELAI: Hey, are we still mad at him? LANE: We never were. LORELAI: That's right. Must be Jackson. We're mad at Jackson for something he said to Sookie. RORY: No, we're not. LORELAI: You sure? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Must be Gypsy. We're mad at her husband? RORY: She's not married. LORELAI: This is gonna bug me. RORY: So, how is Dave? LANE: He's great. I just wish he weren't three thousand miles away. RORY: How did he take the news that you found a replacement for him in the band? LANE: He was a little weird about it. LORELAI: And that's why we're mad at him. RORY: We're not mad at Dave. LORELAI: Must be Jackson. LANE: I miss that boy. RORY: Well, he'll be home for Christmas, right? LANE: He better. LORELAI: This is my stop. RORY: Say hi to the baby for me. LORELAI: Find out who we're mad at. RORY: We're not mad at anybody. LORELAI: We're always mad at somebody. [Lorelai walks up to Sookie's house. Michel is sitting on the front porch] LORELAI: Hey. Door's open. Aren't they home? MICHEL: They are home. I'm not welcome in it. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Lorelai, come on in. MICHEL: I'm being discriminated against. Go, enjoy. LORELAI: Michel can't come in? SOOKIE: Nope. MICHEL: I'm Rosa Parks. LORELAI: Why can't Rosa Parks come in? SOOKIE: He sneezed. MICHEL: Five days ago. SOOKIE: I can't take a chance with the baby. MICHEL: It's a business meeting. The baby should not attend. SOOKIE: He's a week old. What should he do, take in a movie? MICHEL: I got dust up my nose. It made me sneeze. I am not sick. SOOKIE: [to Lorelai] Come on in. LORELAI: Sorry. Uh-huh-huh-huh. . .oh, no. Whew! MICHEL: Not funny. [Lorelai walks into the house] LORELAI: There he is. Oh. Oh, widdle Davey, widdle Davey, peekaboo, peekaboo. Oh, you have a widdle nose. Oh, oh, no, Aunt Lorelai's got your nose. Do you want it back? Do you? Do you? SOOKIE: He's not indicating that he wants it back. LORELAI: Well, then, I'm going to keep it. MICHEL: This is painful. SOOKIE: You know, he said his first word this morning. LORELAI: Who? Michel? What'd he say? SOOKIE: He said, "ah-oopah." LORELAI: Did you say, "ah-oopah"? Did you? Well, you're very talented. Did you know that? MICHEL: If I throw up, do you want it on the bushes or the grass? LORELAI: Michel, don't you like babies? MICHEL: I don't know. I've never been near one. I thought today was my chance. LORELAI: I brought pastries. SOOKIE: Excellent. LORELAI: Do you want one, Michel? MICHEL: So I can look even sadder, sitting and eating pastry by myself? No, thank you. Can we start? LORELAI: Okay. Well, I'm here to report that the Dragonfly is officially demoed and stripped to its studs, to the point where it looks worse than ever and you can't imagine it ever looking good ever again. SOOKIE: Excellent. MICHEL: There are big, flying things out here. LORELAI: But we're on schedule, and when I left, the plumbing contractor was unloading all sorts of impressive-looking copper pipes, so that's something, I guess, and. . .oh, Bruce. BRUCE: Hello. LORELAI: I thought you'd gone. BRUCE: I came back. LORELAI: Well, there you go. SOOKIE: Bruce is not only a midwife, she's also a lactation specialist. LORELAI: Yikes. MICHEL: Ugh. BRUCE: Is that the sneezer? MICHEL: It was dust. What are these big green things with wings? LORELAI: You know, Bruce, I didn't get a chance to tell you how impressed I was by the home birth. It was just amazing to watch and very, very special. BRUCE: Did you talk baby talk to Davey? LORELAI: Yes. BRUCE: Every second Davey's brain is hard-wiring for life. Baby talk can retard his language-acquisition rate. Is that what you want? LORELAI: Definitely not. I want him fully tarded. MICHEL: This flying green thing is toying with me. BRUCE: In five minutes, we'll feed. SOOKIE: Five minutes. Did I tell you she donates her services to indigent, inner-city mothers? LORELAI: It's okay. MICHEL: All right, this thing is getting ready to dive-bomb. LORELAI: So, Davey, beautiful day, huh? What would you like to discuss? Middle East peace, the space program? I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God. He said, "the answer to the problems in the mideast is, 'I have to poop.'" SOOKIE: He got distracted. LORELAI: And now there's no peace? Davey, come on, man, hard-wire those adult thoughts and try to remember what we're talking. . . and he said that Thursday's impossible to start work and I reminded him about our contract. SOOKIE: Good, because he needed to be reminded. LORELAI: So that's all taken care of. MICHEL: I'm being attacked by green things! BRUCE: It's time to feed. LORELAI: Well, this has been a very productive meeting. SOOKIE: Very. CUT TO YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE [Rory walks in] RORY: Hi, Doyle. Got something for you. DOYLE: Your new review? RORY: My new review. DOYLE: Remember "The New Zoo Revue"? RORY: Henrietta hippo? DOYLE: Freddie the frog, and who was the third one? What was the third one? RORY: I'm drawing a blank. DOYLE: Oh, I hate that. Whenever there's three of something, you always forget the third one. It's like a statistical thing. RORY: Do you want me to come back? DOYLE: No, let's look at it now. RORY: So I drank a lot of coffee before writing this, so hopefully it won't be a yawn. DOYLE: Good. [reads Rory's article and crosses things out] RORY: Doyle. DOYLE: Just a sec. RORY: You're crossing everything out. DOYLE: Not everything. RORY: Well, the only thing you haven't crossed out is what you haven't read yet. DOYLE: Hold on, hold on, okay? Well, it's better than your last one. You're showing progress. RORY: Oh. DOYLE: Really. RORY: Okay, is this some kind of hazing? DOYLE: Hazing? RORY: I put a lot of time into this. DOYLE: Oh, I know. It's definitely not for lack of trying. RORY: Is it something personal? Did I do something to offend you? DOYLE: No, Rory, this is how it works. It's not personal. It's just not very good. RORY: I rewrote it four times, and I researched it so thoroughly. DOYLE: Don't worry about the facts. You seem to have gotten those right. Stan, file this for me. RORY: So, it's not good? DOYLE: I just couldn't tell what you really thought. RORY: But I tried so hard. DOYLE: Oh, I know. RORY: So I should try less hard? DOYLE: Look, just write what you think. You have opinions, don't you? RORY: Sure, I do. DOYLE: That's what will work. RORY: Sounds simple. DOYLE: It can be. Charlie the owl. That's the third one. RORY: Right, right, Charlie. Guess I'll go. DOYLE: Don't worry. Either you'll get the hang of things or you won't. RORY: Uh huh. DOYLE: Just make sure this one's good. RORY: Got it. CUT TO YALE THEATER [Lorelai and Rory walk in] LORELAI: Wow, pretty. Yale's got the big bucks, huh? RORY: Yeah, I guess. LORELAI: This is gonna be fun. RORY: It's work for me. LORELAI: Are those our seats, all saved and everything? RORY: One of the advantages of being with the press. LORELAI: Are you okay? RORY: Yeah, I'm the happiest unpublished writer in the newspaper biz. LORELAI: You are not unpublished. RORY: I am recently unpublished. LORELAI: Don't forget your lacrosse-story triumph. RORY: Yeah, maybe lacrosse is the only thing I'm good at writing about, and I'd never heard of it before I was assigned it. LORELAI: Now, come on. RORY: Hopefully, there will be plenty of well-paid, full-time lacrosse-writing positions for me at the major news organizations. LORELAI: You need chocolate. RORY: Chocolate and talent. LORELAI: Stop that. RORY: Maybe I'm just not cut out for college journalism. Maybe I peaked in high school. Aw, man, that's a depressing thought. LORELAI: You didn't peak. This is just a different environment and a bigger league, and that's half the fun, isn't it? RORY: Kind of. Here we go. LORELAI: Ah, I love these seats. They're so important. [The ballet starts] RORY: Oh. LORELAI: Well, she recovered quickly. RORY: Whoa. LORELAI: The floor must be slippery. RORY: Huh. LORELAI: I don't think the guy is supposed to wince when he lifts the ballerina. RORY: Maybe it was involuntary? LORELAI: She wasn't supposed to kick him like that, was she? RORY: I don't think so. LORELAI: It gives new meaning to the word nutcracker. [they giggle] LORELAI: Shh, shh. [cut to the theater after the ballet is over] LORELAI: Wow. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: That was terrible. RORY: From the opening kerplunk. LORELAI: And just kept getting worse. RORY: I'm in physical discomfort. LORELAI: That lead ballerina - she has no friends. RORY: How can you tell? LORELAI: Because no one gave her the heads-up on the roll of fat around the bra strap. RORY: Maybe she just has no friends in the ballet. LORELAI: All ballet people do is ballet. If she has no friends in the ballet, she has no friends. Holy moly. RORY: I wonder how many times I can use the word "blows" in an article before it becomes redundant. LORELAI: What are you gonna write? RORY: I don't know. What I think, I guess. LORELAI: Really. RORY: Well, apparently, that's what was missing from my other pieces - my opinions, so. . . LORELAI: Well, if you want my opinion, that end curtain came down way too slowly. RORY: I'll try to work that in. LORELAI: Man oh man. If Vincent Gallo could just see this, he'd feel a whole lot better about "Brown Bunny." CUT TO YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE [Doyle reads over Rory's article] DOYLE: Nice. RORY: Nice? DOYLE: Really great job. RORY: Really? DOYLE: Really. RORY: Oh, wow, thanks. DOYLE: Thank you. Stan, get this to layout. STAN: Yeah. DOYLE: I love doing that. RORY: And you look good doing it. DOYLE: Coffee mint? RORY: Thanks. CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES [Mrs. Kim walks a customer to the door] CUSTOMER: This piece is beautiful. My wife's gonna flip. MRS. KIM: Good. Now, it's very fragile, so keep it away from young children. CUSTOMER: We don't have children. MRS. KIM: You should. Everyone should have children. CUSTOMER: Okay. Thank you. MRS. KIM: You're welcome. Lane? LANE: Yes, Mama? MRS. KIM: I have something for Dave. LANE: For Dave, my Dave? MRS. KIM: Something for you to send to him in California. Special gift from me to him. LANE: Really? MRS. KIM: Could you wrap it and take it to the post office? LANE: Definitely. That's so sweet, Mama. MRS. KIM: He's a good boy. He's going to make a good man. LANE: I agree. MRS. KIM: I'm going to make some tea. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai and Michel are walking down the street] MICHEL: So, I looked up what Bruce said about baby talk and she was right. You should never talk baby talk to a baby. LORELAI: That's sad. MICHEL: Yeah. So I've been calling all my friends and relatives with babies to tell them to immediately stop talking to them. LORELAI: You mean, stop talking baby talk? MICHEL: No, it's better that they just stop altogether. LORELAI: Ittle-bitty Michel. MICHEL: Now, stop that. LORELAI: Well, I like talking baby talk and I can't do it to babies, so I need an outlet. And you're my outwet - wittle Michel with the happy hair. MICHEL: Goodbye. LORELAI: You no wanna eat? Aw, look at him walking. Big boy walkie. Ooh. [Lorelai walks into Luke's Diner and sees Nicole sitting at the counter] LORELAI: Nicole! NICOLE: Hi, Lorelai. LORELAI: Well, I'll be. Look at you there. NICOLE: It's nice to see you. LORELAI: Yeah. Does Luke know you're here? NICOLE: Yeah, he's just in the back. Do you want him? LORELAI: No, I don't want him, I don't want him. I was just coming in for a bite with a friend and. . .not my imaginary friend. My friend Michel was with me, but he doesn't eat normal food like this, so he's not coming in, so. . . you good? NICOLE: Very good. And you? LORELAI: Very good, too. I'm just still living here in Stars Hollow, and, um, Rory's going to Yale. NICOLE: I knew that. LORELAI: Of course. Well, naturally, you would be all filled in 'cause Luke's talking to you regularly, and. . . NICOLE: Mmhmm. LORELAI: So, um. . .I met a bunch of lawyers from your firm. NICOLE: Really? LORELAI: I did, yes, because, well, I'm - they were coming in to see Luke, and I'm in here a lot, so. . . NICOLE: Right. Yeah, they're good guys. LORELAI: Really good guys. They like you a lot. NICOLE: They're the partners at my firm. LORELAI: Well, so they have to like you. So, is Luke coming out, or. . . NICOLE: He should be. LORELAI: You know, I'm not hungry. NICOLE: No? LORELAI: I just remembered, I just ate. NICOLE: Oh. LORELAI: So. . .but it's really good to see you. NICOLE: Same here. LORELAI: Really good. NICOLE: Uh huh. LORELAI: Okay. So. . . [leaves] CUT TO YALE [Rory is walking toward her dorm] RORY: [answers cell phone] Hello? LANE: Oh, thank God. RORY: Lane? LANE: I just had the biggest fight with Dave that we've ever had ever, and it's all my mother's fault. RORY: Your mother? Why? LANE: Get this - earlier today, my mom asked me to wrap something that she wants to send to Dave. RORY: Is it his birthday? LANE: No, this was something else altogether. You holding onto your hat? RORY: I'm not wearing one, but I can pretend to be. LANE: It's the jug. RORY: What jug? LANE: The jug. The big jug. The monumental jug. RORY: What jug? LANE: Remember when I was a kid, my mother showed me the special jug that's been passed down in my family for years and years in a long-standing Kim tradition that she is personally going to present to the boy I'm going to wed? RORY: Oh, my God. The marriage jug? LANE: The marriage jug. RORY: She's sending Dave the marriage jug? What does that mean? LANE: I'm guessing it means she's reserving a hall and ordering that "Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture. RORY: Whoa, this is serious. LANE: No kidding. RORY: I had forgotten all about it. LANE: I didn't. It's been sitting on that shelf all my life, and I kind of liked that it was there. It was a nice thing, a nice tradition. I had pleasant associations with it, and now I want to break it into a million pieces. RORY: What inspired her? LANE: Who knows? RORY: Have you been sending out a vibe or something? LANE: A vibe, no. What kind of vibe? RORY: Like a marriage vibe. LANE: I don't know what that is. I mean, maybe. I love Dave. If you love a boy, do you automatically send out a marriage vibe? RORY: I don't think so. LANE: I feel weird just saying that. RORY: Well, wait, why did you and Dave get into a big fight? LANE: Well, I didn't send him the jug, but I had to give him a heads-up in case he called here innocently and my mom said something to him like, "You rent that tux yet?" So I did, and he was really mean about it. He was very against getting the jug. RORY: You thought he'd be all for it? LANE: No, but he was way too down on the idea. RORY: Lane, he's eighteen. He just started college. LANE: I know. RORY: Jug or no jug, he's not ready to get married. LANE: I know. RORY: And neither are you. LANE: I know. Someday maybe. RORY: Yes, someday, but not now. LANE: Great. Now we're about to get into a fight? RORY: No, we're not. There have just been enough young people marrying in my life. I don't want any more. LANE: Okay. RORY: What are you gonna do? LANE: I don't know. She's going to expect a call or note from him, thanking his soon-to-be mother-in-law or else she'll be offended. RORY: Probably. LANE: I guess I've got to talk to her about it. RORY: I don't see any other way. [Rory arrives at her suite door, which says "Die Jerk" on it] RORY: Whoa. LANE: What? RORY: Someone wrote something on our door - "Die Jerk." LANE: It says "Die Jerk"? RORY: It's not coming off. LANE: Wow. Cool things like that never happen at adventist school. [Paris opens the suite door] PARIS: Rory. RORY: Someone wrote "Die Jerk" on our door. PARIS: I know. I thought maybe the person who did it was back to make good on the promise. RORY: Who did this? PARIS: I don't know, but we've got to find out and strike back hard. Come on, we're assembling inside. RORY: Lane, I gotta go. We're assembling. Sorry about the jug. LANE: It's okay. Keep me posted. RORY: Yeah, you, too. Bye. PARIS: [to student walking by] What's your business here? [Rory and Paris walk into the common room] RORY: Fun stuff, huh, guys? JANET: Yeah, it's ridiculous. TANNA: I may have been here when it happened. JANET: And you heard nothing? TANNA: No. PARIS: Way to have that radar up. RORY: Let's not make each other feel bad. PARIS: Hey, hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships and retaliate before the next strike. We gotta go full-out Sharon. RORY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. TANNA: There's gonna be another strike? PARIS: You wanna wait to find out? Now, first, we should each make a list of the people we've made enemies of, starting with most recent and working our way back. TANNA: Can't we just let this go? JANET: It may just be a joke. PARIS: I'm not laughing. Anyone here laughing? TANNA: I guess it is vandalism. PARIS: It's more than that. This is an assault that should be met head-on using extreme prejudice. Now let's face it, I'm the most likely target, so I've already made up a list of enemies, which I've narrowed down from twenty-six to five. JANET: Just at Yale? PARIS: Just in this building. TANNA: Maybe we should move. PARIS: Retreat? I think not. JANET: There's a girl on my volleyball team who's livid at me. I kissed her boyfriend. TANNA: I'm exceedingly dull. PARIS: Keep her close. TANNA: What about you? RORY: Me? JANET: Made anyone mad lately? PARIS: Oh, please, that would be like Dorothy pissing off the Tin Man. It's impossible. TANNA: I'm not leaving my room. JANET: I'll keep you posted on my person. PARIS: And my five are already taken care of. TANNA: They're taken care of? PARIS: I got my East Side 860 partners on it. Now let's move. RORY: Wanna watch tv? TANNA: Something light. RORY: I'm with you. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hi, Luke. LUKE: Hi. Take a seat anywhere. LORELAI: Very hungry. LUKE: Yeah, well, you're in the right place. LORELAI: Twice. LUKE: What? LORELAI: I've come here twice. This is my second trip today. LUKE: Oh, right, yeah. Well, you didn't eat. LORELAI: Oh, you knew I was here? LUKE: Uh, why didn't you stay? LORELAI: I wasn't that hungry. LUKE: Oh. LORELAI: So, what's new? LUKE: Uh, got some new coffee pots. LORELAI: Anything else? LUKE: New filters. LORELAI: Anything else? LUKE: No. LORELAI: Anything else? LUKE: Other than "no", no. LORELAI: Nicole, Luke. Nicole was here. She's the one who told you that I was here and didn't stay. She's new. Nothing new. LUKE: Well, you saw her, so it's not new. LORELAI: Oh, it's so new. What's going on there? LUKE: Well, we're kind of seeing each other again. LORELAI: Thank you, and. . .boy! LUKE: It's not heavy-duty. LORELAI: So you're not getting divorced? LUKE: Yeah, we put it on hold. LORELAI: Put the divorce on hold? LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Can you do that? LUKE: I don't know. It's all new to me. LORELAI: So, um, is she moving in with you? LUKE: No. LORELAI: What, no? You're husband and wife. It's not a crazy question. LUKE: No, we're man and woman. We're just seeing each other as if we're not husband and wife. LORELAI: Oh, well, the state of Connecticut sees it differently, you know. To the state, you're sharing a toothbrush holder and deciding together whether there's enough in the dishwasher to justify running it. LUKE: Hopefully, the state will stay out of my way. LORELAI: Now, what about taxes? LUKE: What about them? LORELAI: Well, you file single, jointly? I mean, what do you do? LUKE: That's not for months. LORELAI: You can't put it off. LUKE: I'm not doing my taxes right now. LORELAI: Capone? LUKE: What? LORELAI: They got him for tax evasion. LUKE: I don't plan on evading my taxes. Look, why are you pressing this? LORELAI: Because it's weird. LUKE: You think it's weird? LORELAI: Yes. I am a cross section of the community, and if I think it's weird, then Rory thinks it's weird, and if Rory thinks that, then Miss Patty thinks that, and so on and so on. LUKE: We're just not dealing with it right now. We're just letting things happen as they happen. We're going with the flow. LORELAI: You're going with the flow? LUKE: We're going with the flow. LORELAI: Oh, that's so strum your sitar, dig the Maharishi, pass the owsley, summer of love, flower power, hippie-dippie, I can't stand it. LUKE: You don't have to. LORELAI: I hope you're not expecting a wedding present, 'cause I'm just putting it on hold 'til this whole thing clears up. LUKE: Fine. LORELAI: It's a good present. LUKE: You haven't gotten it yet. LORELAI: It would have been a good present. LUKE: Look, what is it? You don't like Nicole? LORELAI: I like Nicole. She's very nice. I don't think she likes me. LUKE: She likes you fine, and, yes, she is very nice, and I missed her and she missed me and so we're dating again, putting off the hassle of getting a stupid divorce. Avoiding that hassle is the nice fringe benefit of getting back together again. LORELAI: Aha, the hassle. Now we're getting down to it. If the divorce wasn't a hassle, would you still have gotten back together with her? LUKE: I don't want to talk about this anymore. LORELAI: Is that why we're still friends - because it would be too big a hassle for you to tell me you don't want to be friends anymore? LUKE: What do you want to eat? LORELAI: Eating's a hassle. I'll just starve. LUKE: Fine. LORELAI: And I'll starve right here because it would be too big a hassle to get up and leave. LUKE: I'll work around you. LORELAI: And hey, if it's too big a hassle to get rid of my body after I die of starvation, just leave it here to decompose all nice and quiet - no hassle. LUKE: Good. LORELAI: See ya. LUKE: Wow, she's moving. LORELAI: Well, I was kind of kidding about the decomposing here. LUKE: But you still haven't eaten. LORELAI: I'm not hungry, again. LUKE: Fine, see ya. LORELAI: And I liked the old coffee pots. The new ones look stupid. [leaves] [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO YALE DINING HALL [Rory is getting some food when a student walks up to her] GUY: Hey, someone was looking for you. RORY: Oh, who? GUY: It's probably better that they don't find you. [leaves] [As Rory starts to walk to a table, another student walks up to her] GIRL: You are very brave. RORY: What? GIRL: If you hear the rustle of tulle coming up behind you, run. [Rory sits down at a table. A student walks over to her angrily] SANDRA: Rory Gilmore? RORY: Yeah? SANDRA: Remember me? RORY: I don't think so. SANDRA: That's very flattering. RORY: Can I help you? SANDRA: Let's see if this jogs your memory. I have the grace of a drunken dock worker? RORY: Oh. SANDRA: Remember me now? RORY: The ballerina from the ballet. SANDRA: That's right. RORY: Your outfits are made of tulle, aren't they? SANDRA: You're a jerk! RORY: I know. You wrote that on my door. SANDRA: You're lucky that's all I did! RORY: Should we go somewhere else? SANDRA: Your review was mean and petty and despicable! RORY: Look, Sandra - that's your name, right? Sandra? This was all in the line of duty. It was an assignment from my editor, so it was nothing personal, okay? SANDRA: You called me a hippo! RORY: No, I compared you to a hippo, that's not calling you a hippo. And it was a humorous comparison. I was trying to - SANDRA: To destroy me and my company! RORY: No, and think about it - I bet that more than likely, very few people will even read the review, and most people aren't even interested in ballet in the first place. It's unfortunate and awful and I hate it, but what can you do? It's Avril Lavigne's world, and we're just living in it. Plus, most people left before the end, and I stuck it out. That's something. SANDRA: I'm curious. How much ballet experience do you have? You must have a lot since you write about it with such authority. RORY: Well, none to speak of. I had a few years of beginners' class and I stunk. SANDRA: Anybody write about it in the paper? RORY: No. Good point. SANDRA: I've been dancing three hours a day, seven days a week for fourteen years. I've done two summer sessions with the Miami ballet, and I'm on the waiting list at Juilliard, and now your review is out there for everyone to see! RORY: Look, I - SANDRA: You're a jerk! I just wanted to come tell you that to your face! You're a jerk, and I hope you die! Bye, jerk. Die, jerk. [leaves] PARIS: The door thing was about you? RORY: Apparently. PARIS: [on cell phone] The strike is off. Stand down. I repeat, stand down. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [The doorbell rings. Emily and the maid answer the door] LORELAI: Hi, Mom. EMILY: Come in, come in. LORELAI: Ooh, you look tenser than usual. What's wrong? EMILY: Oh, it's your father. I wanted him to go upstairs and clean up, but I can't pry him away from that partner of his. LORELAI: Hm. Digger's here? EMILY: They're in the study doing something computery. When did we suddenly become so dependent on computers? [Richard and Jason walk out of the study] EMILY: Finally. RICHARD: Now how far can I go, Jason? JASON: Uh, as far as you want. It should work anywhere. RICHARD: Ah, fantastic. EMILY: Richard, our company's here. RICHARD: We have company? LORELAI: Oh, actually, it's just me. RICHARD: Oh, well, I suppose you're company. Say, are you and Rory wireless? LORELAI: Oh, no, we're pretty wired most of the time. EMILY: Why are you carrying that? RICHARD: We're testing it. Jason here has just helped me hook up a wireless network for the house. Wi-Fi, it's called. LORELAI: Oh, neat. EMILY: Is that necessary? Oh, Lorelai, this is Jason Stiles. JASON: We've met. EMILY: Really? RICHARD: Emily, they knew each other as kids. You knew that. EMILY: Oh, that's right. JASON: Great to see you again. LORELAI: Oh, same here. RICHARD: Look at this! I'm walking around, and I'm still on the internet. Emily, I'm going to google you. EMILY: You are certainly not going to google me! JASON: It's a search engine, Emily. He's just gonna find you out in cyberspace. EMILY: This sounds absurd. RICHARD: Nah, can't use a laptop here, Jason. The signal doesn't reach. EMILY: When do you plan to use it in the dark corner by the staircase, Richard? RICHARD: Well, you never know. EMILY: I don't like the idea of your using it anywhere but your study. RICHARD: I'm just testing it! LORELAI: They're always fighting over toys, these two. RICHARD: [walks onto the back patio] It's crystal clear out here. EMILY: Richard, it's freezing outside! RICHARD: I won't be a minute. EMILY: Ridiculous. I have to go check on dinner. Excuse me. [leaves] LORELAI: So, um, how have you been these past twenty-five years? JASON: Good. Hey, moved out of my parents' house. LORELAI: Rad. JASON: Love the freedom. LORELAI: Well, you don't have to hide the bong anymore. JASON: Hey, did you get any flowers lately? LORELAI: Uh, several times. Apparently, I have a secret admirer. JASON: I signed all the cards "Jason." LORELAI: I thought it was Jason Priestley. JASON: You're disappointed. LORELAI: No, I just wish I hadn't slept with Jason Priestley. JASON: How's the new inn? LORELAI: Coming along. Uh, we're gonna have horses. JASON: Talking horses? LORELAI: No, just the regular ones. JASON: We could get married there. LORELAI: Where? JASON: The inn, on horseback. LORELAI: Oh. So, you unwired my father, huh? JASON: Per Richard's request. He wanted it. LORELAI: Emily doesn't. JASON: I cannot win with her. LORELAI: You're getting the triple freeze from her. It's nice. Takes the onus off her daughter. JASON: But the more she hates me, the more likely it is that you will go out with me. LORELAI: That's not necessarily the case. JASON: Good, because I gotta make some serious progress with her. LORELAI: Good luck with that. JASON: Maybe I should get her to invite me to dinner. LORELAI: Ha! JASON: Hey. LORELAI: I'm sorry. As if you control these things. JASON: Well, I'm not God, but I have influence. LORELAI: No way is she inviting you to dinner. JASON: Would you have a problem with me staying for dinner? LORELAI: No. You won't stay because you won't be invited. JASON: I will. LORELAI: Let's see it. [Rory enters the house] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Hi, hon. Jason, this is my daughter, Rory. Rory, Jason. RORY: Right, Scooper. LORELAI: Digger. RORY: Sorry. Digger. JASON: It's nice to meet you. And I don't really go by Digger anymore. LORELAI: What is it, P. Digger now? RORY: I'll just call you Jason. JASON: You're a very kind young lady. RICHARD: Oh, dear. Jason, I just hit F12, and everything's going to hell. JASON: Easily fixed. [walks away] LORELAI: Hey. How are things? RORY: Surreal - on a whole new level of surreal. LORELAI: What happened? RORY: I was harangued by an incensed ballerina. LORELAI: That is Salvador Dali surreal. What ballerina? RORY: From the ballet we went to - the one I wrote about. This girl marched up to me in the dining hall and busted me on the bad review I gave her. LORELAI: Uh, wait a second. Are people allowed to do that, yell at the reviewer? RORY: I frown on it. I mean, it's upsetting and ridiculous. I'll probably laugh at it someday, but not today. LORELAI: What did you write? RORY: Well, I brought it for you to read. Tell me what you think because my picky editor loved it. I mean, loved it. LORELAI: Sure, sure. This is very weird. RORY: Very read. [Lorelai starts to read the article] LORELAI: Whoa. RORY: What? LORELAI: Well, you really hated this ballet. RORY: Well, we both really hated it. Remember? LORELAI: Yeah, I do. Jeez. RORY: Oh, now, come on. LORELAI: Well, this is just so harsh. RORY: Again, you were there. LORELAI: I know, but there's something about seeing it in print. People don't write as mean as they talk, except you. RORY: I wrote what I felt. LORELAI: "The roll around the bra strap"? RORY: That was your line! LORELAI: It was? I'm awful. RORY: And it's not even critical of the ballerina's skills. It's critical of the costumer's skills. LORELAI: I know, but it sounds like she couldn't fit into a standard leotard. RORY: She couldn't! But again, the costumer should have put her in a larger leotard. LORELAI: Do I see the word "hippo" coming up? RORY: Give me the paper. LORELAI: I'm sorry, it's just so specific. RORY: It's what I saw, so I wrote it. That's what the editor told me to do. LORELAI: Well, then you did the right thing. RORY: I was too harsh. LORELAI: You said yourself, you were supposed to be. [Emily walks into the room] EMILY: Rory, you're here. Good. RORY: Hi, Grandma. EMILY: Don't tell me Richard's still traipsing around with that thing. Richard, please come inside and close the door. RICHARD: Coming, coming. [Richard and Jason walk in] EMILY: Oh, Jason, you're still here. JASON: Oh, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to you, Emily. RORY: Whatcha got there, Grandpa? RICHARD: A laptop. The Gilmore house is now wireless. RORY: Cool. EMILY: And the laptop is now going back in its case because dinner is ready. JASON: I'll be taking off everybody. I've got a cheeseburger waiting for me. EMILY: Goodbye, Jason. RICHARD: A cheeseburger? That's not a proper meal. JASON: Oh, please, Richard, it's my favorite meal. I've had one for dinner three times this week. RICHARD: Oh, you're joking. EMILY: With the right bread and meat, a cheeseburger can make a fine meal. JASON: Thank you, Emily. RICHARD: You're defending cheeseburgers, Emily? When was the last time you had one? JASON: This isn't just any cheeseburger, Richard. There's this stand that makes them special for me. RICHARD: A stand? EMILY: I hear those can be very good. RICHARD: Emily, are we going to send this young bachelor out for fast food? JASON: Oh, no, no, I couldn't stay. I'd be putting you out. RICHARD: Nonsense. EMILY: I'm not sure we have enough. RICHARD: We always have enough. JASON: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I wouldn't hear of it. RICHARD: Emily, my business partner is going to be standing outside eating a cheeseburger. EMILY: Jason, would you like to join us for dinner? JASON: The cheeseburger will just have to wait. EMILY: I'll tell the cook. RICHARD: Cheeseburger. CUT TO THE DINING ROOM [Richard, Emily, Lorelai, Rory, and Jason are eating dinner] JASON: This food is incredible. RORY: Yeah. It's my first lobster thermidor. JASON: Your recipe? EMILY: No. LORELAI: Hey, can you thermidor other foods? You know, fish thermidor, uh, Spam thermidor, enchiladas thermidor? EMILY: I don't think so. Cora, since we're five instead of four, Richard and I will ration if we have to. RICHARD: Oh, I don't think rationing will be necessary, Emily. LORELAI: Yeah, Mom, you can just pick off my plate. RICHARD: You've forgotten all about that burger, I hope. JASON: After the first mouthful. RICHARD: Good. JASON: You know, Richard, having a computer at home with a high-speed internet access is gonna free up your time enormously. RICHARD: Oh, I should say so. EMILY: How? JASON: How is it gonna free up his time? EMILY: Yes. JASON: Well, he'll be using email more, which means fewer phone calls with chitchat that you have to get through before you get down to business. That's what eats up most of the time. EMILY: Email seems very cold to me. JASON: But fast. EMILY: Fast isn't always better. JASON: A good point and very true. RICHARD: Oh, Jason was saying that you'll get use out of this system, too, Emily. EMILY: Me? How? JASON: The internet. Have you checked it out? EMILY: I'd have no use for it. LORELAI: I wouldn't dismiss it so fast, Mom. The internet is more than just good p0rn now. RORY: Yeah, I'm on it constantly. EMILY: What do you use it for? RORY: Research like for when I can't get to the library. LORELAI: And for shopping. RORY: Yeah, shopping. LORELAI: A lot of shopping. EMILY: Shopping? LORELAI: Yeah, the stores you normally have to go to, they're on the internet now. EMILY: But going to a nice store is half the fun of shopping. I like being greeted at the door and the bustle of people and the shoes and clothes all lined up nice and pretty. LORELAI: That's true. RORY: Yeah, we like that, too. EMILY: Having someone help you pick out the right thing or help you exchange it if it's not right. With the internet, what do you do? Mail it back? LORELAI: We usually just forget. RORY: Yeah. EMILY: So you're just out the money? RORY: Pretty much. EMILY: I don't get it. LORELAI: I don't get it anymore either. RORY: We should go to real stores more often. JASON: But the internet is really good. RICHARD: So, which camp was it where you two met? LORELAI: Hm, it had a funny name and canoes. JASON: They all have funny names and canoes. Was it Camp Waziata? LORELAI: Doesn't sound familiar. Which one asked me to leave? RORY: You got kicked out of camp? LORELAI: I tried to liberate the horses. JASON: Camp Chataguay. That's where we met. LORELAI: That's the one. JASON: I enjoyed camp. I made some good friends. I met your father at that camp. RORY: Dad, really? JASON: We bunked together for a summer. Incredible athlete and a good guy - a really good guy. LORELAI: He hated you. JASON: What? LORELAI: With a passion. JASON: No, I don't remember that. LORELAI: I'm pretty sure. Didn't he try to dunk your head in a toilet bowl after you heckled him during some campfire talent show? JASON: No, I don't. . .oh, my God, I've been repressing that! RICHARD: Oh, that doesn't sound like Christopher. JASON: No, it's okay, Richard. I'm positive I deserved it. EMILY: Rory, I've been meaning to mention to you, we read that wonderful review you wrote on the ballet. It was excellent. RICHARD: Oh-ho-ho-ho, you eviscerated that girl. RORY: I actually didn't mean to eviscerate her. I was just trying to be honest. RICHARD: Well, you honestly sliced her open and ripped out her guts. EMILY: Your pen was your knife. RORY: Right. RICHARD: I especially liked the reference to the hippo. RORY: That seems to be the most memorable for people. EMILY: And the bra strap. RICHARD: I should give you a copy of it to read, Jason. It's terrific. JASON: It sounds interesting. RORY: I just wrote what I thought. EMILY: And the line about regretting how evolution had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night. LORELAI: [laughs] Sorry. I hadn't read that far. EMILY: Why are you apologizing? It is funny. LORELAI: Well, the ballerina in question had kind of a negative reaction to the whole thing. EMILY: So what? RICHARD: Well, yes, don't feel badly about this, Rory. Sometimes people don't know at a young age that they're not good at doing something. Now that poor girl can go to business school. RORY: She's actually not as bad as she sounds. RICHARD: It's rare to read a truthful review. EMILY: I was going to go see that ballet, and now I don't have to. Thank you. RORY: You're welcome, I guess. RICHARD: We were just burned by a dishonest review in the Courant. EMILY: That French restaurant. RICHARD: They must have had the reviewer in their pocket. The man raved about this place, and it was abominable. EMILY: The food was inedible. And the service - I had to snap my fingers to get our waiter's attention. JASON: You know, Emily, as a woman of taste, I could use your recommendation of restaurants in the area. I've been away so long, I'm just woefully out of touch. EMILY: Oh, I'm no more an expert than the next person. JASON: You're being humble. LORELAI: Yeah, Mom, cough it up. You've been everywhere. RICHARD: Multiple times. EMILY: Well, I guess if you're looking for a place for a business lunch, you can't do better than Portofino's. They give you attentive service without rushing you, and it's wonderful Italian food. JASON: Well, you can't beat Italian. I mean, is there anyone here who doesn't love Italian? RORY: Not me. LORELAI: Or me. JASON: Good to know. Anything else, Emily? EMILY: You need more? JASON: Please. I'm a desperate man. RICHARD: Well, don't be shy, Emily. You're a walking Zagat guide. EMILY: Well, there's always Lil's for steak. JASON: Steak's always good. I'm good with that any time. LORELAI: I love steak. JASON: Really? So steak is good. How about ethnic food? Indian? Thai? EMILY: I personally detest Thai food. LORELAI: Me, too. Chinese is good. RICHARD: As long as it's authentic. JASON: So cross Thai off the list. LORELAI: I would. EMILY: Same here. JASON: How about something with a more romantic atmosphere? EMILY: Why would you need a romantic atmosphere for business? LORELAI: Yeah, why? RICHARD: I'd like to know myself. JASON: A client might want a recommendation for him and his wife, and I would like to be prepared. RICHARD: My partner. EMILY: That would be Mill on the River. RICHARD: Oh, yes. Very dark, very atmospheric. JASON: Sounds nice. LORELAI: Very. JASON: Good, we've made progress here, but I'm monopolizing the conversation. EMILY: Oh, that's okay. JASON: Can I call you later to continue this? EMILY: Absolutely. Call me sometime next week. JASON: I'll be sure to do that. CUT TO YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE [Rory follows Doyle into the office] DOYLE: You want to re-review the ballet? RORY: Yes, I do, Doyle, because I have a brand-new perspective on it and on dance. I was ignorant before, so this would be a whole new piece. DOYLE: We don't re-review things. RORY: Well, there's a first time for everything, and I could even buy my own ticket if that's a problem. DOYLE: But it closed early because of your review. RORY: I did not know that. But it's not a problem. I'll just redo the one I already did. That ballet is seared in there, so I could just replay it in my head. DOYLE: But your review was great. People are still talking about it. That's pretty rare. RORY: Okay, okay. Well, what about just a general-interest article on the lead ballerina? DOYLE: Is she the hippo? RORY: No. No. She is an accomplished dancer and her life is quite fascinating. Did you know that she studied dance for fourteen years and has performed in Miami? Miami - that's pretty big. Miami. DOYLE: It's boring. RORY: Well, she almost got into Juilliard. DOYLE: That's not interesting either. RORY: Well, no, but these are simply background facts of a fascinating personal journey. A personal journey of an artist struggling against the indifference of an indifferent society, just dancing as fast as she can. Well, it's "8 Mile" meets "Fame." DOYLE: I know what's going on here. RORY: What? DOYLE: You're feeling bad about the effect your article had on the people in the ballet. RORY: No, that's not it. DOYLE: We heard about the dining-hall confrontation. RORY: That was not really a confrontation. We were just chatting. DOYLE: It goes with the territory. When I was your age, I reviewed a clog-dancing team that was really bad. I mean, even compared to other clog dancers. I was merciless. RORY: But - but if I can't re-review it, then can I just print the things that I meant to put in and didn't have time to? DOYLE: Hurting people's feelings is what we do. RORY: But when I become a real journalist, the people in my reviews aren't gonna live in my building. DOYLE: Doesn't matter. When you write for the Yale Daily News, you are a real journalist. RORY: I didn't mean - DOYLE: And if you can't handle it, you should leave the paper. RORY: I don't want to leave the paper. DOYLE: Good. Here. Your next assignment. RORY: Thanks. DOYLE: Knock 'em dead. CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES [Mrs. Kim is making dinner when Lane carries a box into the kitchen] MRS. KIM: Dinner is going to be a little late tonight. My gluten patties caught fire, so we're switching to spaghetti and wheat balls. LANE: Mama, can we talk about something? MRS. KIM: What's that? LANE: It's the jug for Dave. MRS. KIM: I gave that to you days ago. Why haven't you sent it? LANE: I can't send it, Mama. MRS. KIM: What do you mean you can't? Of course you can. I showed you how to tape the bubble wrap. LANE: No, I mean, I can't! MRS. KIM: What is wrong with you? LANE: Mama, please listen. MRS. KIM: All right. LANE: This is important, and I want to be clear, and I want to say it right, but it's hard. MRS. KIM: I'm listening. LANE: Dave is my first boyfriend, and he's important to me - very important. MRS. KIM: I know that. LANE: And his being in California like this, it's been hard, and it's even caused some problems. But in other ways, I think it's brought us closer. MRS. KIM: Yes? LANE: But I'm still in school and he's still in school, and while I respect you and I respect the jug and all that the jug represents - all the bright hopes and all the tradition - I cannot give Dave the jug. Not now. Maybe one day, but not now. MRS. KIM: Okay. LANE: What are you doing? MRS. KIM: What do you mean? LANE: You're putting it with all the clearance items? MRS. KIM: So? LANE: You're selling my marriage jug? MRS. KIM: Your what? LANE: My marriage jug. MRS. KIM: What's that? LANE: The jug you kept to give to the boy I'm going to marry. MRS. KIM: What are you talking about? LANE: You told me when I was like six that this was my special marriage jug that you were gonna keep on a special high shelf for the boy I'm going to marry. MRS. KIM: This thing? LANE: Yes. MRS. KIM: It's just a jug. LANE: What? MRS. KIM: I probably told you that to make you stop crying. You always cried when you were little. Gave me a headache. LANE: It's just a jug? MRS. KIM: I've got tons of them. They're hard to move. LANE: But - MRS. KIM: We could make it a marriage jug, whatever that is. LANE: No, no, never mind. It doesn't matter. MRS. KIM: I'll send something else to Dave. LANE: Good. MRS. KIM: Oh! My wheat balls! CUT TO YALE THEATER [Rory walks in talking on her cell phone] RORY: So, why can't you show your face at Luke's? LORELAI: It's just for a while. Hey, where are you? RORY: The theater. That's why I'm talking softly. I'm reviewing some music thing. So, now, why can't you go to Luke's? LORELAI: I got into an argument with Luke about Nicole. RORY: Nicole? LORELAI: They're back together. I didn't know that. I walk into Luke's and there she is. RORY: And he hadn't told you? LORELAI: No, and I was the very picture of awkwardness, and basically, I just fled. And when I saw Luke later, we got into a fight about it, and I told him his coffee pots were stupid. RORY: So it was very sophisticated. LORELAI: He is so guarded, so uncooperative. RORY: You know, you should probably get over your problem with Luke being uncooperative. LORELAI: Well, I don't want there to be weirdness between me and Nicole if she's back in our lives. I mean, Luke has gotta get it through his thick skull that whoever is in his life is in my life, too. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: That's not a little stalkery? LORELAI: No. We are a small, close-knit community. RORY: So, you're gonna tell Luke about Jason? LORELAI: What about him? RORY: Well, there's something happening there. LORELAI: Not really. RORY: There was a palpable vibe. LORELAI: Palpable to everyone? RORY: Just me. Grandma and Grandpa were oblivious. LORELAI: Hey, would that be crazy? RORY: What? LORELAI: For us to go out together? RORY: All three of us? LORELAI: Jason and I. RORY: A little. LORELAI: Well, yeah, I haven't decided. RORY: Well, I'm happy to report that there have been no more run-ins with the ballerina. LORELAI: Good. RORY: We're not destined to be buddies anytime soon, but sometimes you have to make an enemy. LORELAI: When you have a job to do. . . RORY: Then you have a job to do. It's starting, I gotta go. LORELAI: Okay. Have fun. RORY: I will.

Richard and Emily hold widely differing points of view on the success of their business trip to Atlantic City. Spurred on by her editor, Rory writes a strongly opinionated dance review that leads to a dining hall confrontation with the ballerina. Even though she continues to resist his interest in her, Lorelai can't help but be impressed by Jason's smooth moves as he manipulates a frosty Emily into inviting him for Friday night dinner so that he can woo Lorelai. Lane and Dave have a long distance argument over pottery. Michel is back on the staff of the still-under-reconstruction Dragonfly Inn, but his one sneeze has Bruce, the midwife, erecting barriers to his attending a staff meeting which includes an overly-protective new mother Sookie and baby Davey. When she learns that Nicole and Luke have put their divorce on hold and have resumed dating, Lorelai becomes so flustered that she has an argument with Luke. Richard ecstatically roams throughout the house with his laptop after he goes wireless with Jason's help, but Emily fails to be charmed by either the Internet or Mr. Stiles.