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How do I let go of someone who continues to hurt me

Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me. He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard. I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-let-go-of-someone-who-continues-to-hurt-me

relationship-dissolution

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

First decide what you truly would like in the current relationship. Understand your reasons for staying in the relationship.Three years is a substantial amount of time to be involved with someone.   Whatever attachment you feel toward this man is deep and complex.Instead of deciding to leave or not leave, change your question to figuring out your satisfactions and dissatisfaction with the man. Also important is to tell the man your feelings.Whatever problem you are feeling may become clarified by discussing what bothers you.At the very least, you will give the guy a chance to show how interested he actually is in the tension you currently feel and have felt for a while.

Why is it so hard for me to be social?

I was in a relationship for almost five years. We were friends for a few years before we got into a relationship. He was a caring, friendly, and charming guy up until three and a half years in. He started controlling me: who I hung out with, where I was at all times, and he had a huge hissy fit if I tried to ask him the same questions. All that time, he just liked me as a friend and was cheating on me with my so-called friends. At the end, he was a nasty and narcissistic person. Now it’s hard to be social.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-be-social

relationship-dissolution

Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

It sounds like you had a very confusing and painful experience in this relationship, and now you feel hesitant to let yourself get close to people. It is understandable that when we are hurt in relationships, we may have trouble trusting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others.Therapy is a great place to explore the roots of present difficulties in relationships, to unpack what happened in prior relationships, and to find new ways to show up in relationships so that we can have the relaxed intimacy that we want. Often, relationship difficulties represent patterns of relating that we learn early in life which we may feel compelled to act on outside of our awareness and therapy provides an opportunity to become more aware of these patterns so that we can change them, enabling us to feel secure and to seek out satisfying companionship.

I’m having problems moving on

We're not together, but I’m still doing things for him and we are intimate. He’s not there for his son.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-having-problems-moving-on

relationship-dissolution

Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

You didn't ask a direct question because I feel from what you wrote you already know the answer.  I hate to sound harsh but I am a therapist that call it how I see it so brace yourself...You will always continue to have problems with letting your child's father go as long as you:Don't love or respect yourself first...Don't love and respect your son...Don't demand respect as a woman and mother...Give up the goods regardless of what he does for you or your son...Don't hold your son as a priority in your life....Have self worth of a $1, etc.I have a feeling you are saying...I do love my son and hold him as a priority even if you don't do it for yourself...I would ask...Are your actions of allowing such disrespect from his father proof of that?I know what I have said may have gotten under your skin...I want it to.... because I feel that you have a conscience, want to do better, know you and your son deserve better and you can do better.  Believe in yourself and that you and your son DO desire better and it starts with you setting boundaries with his father.  You can do  it!!!

Is my husband having a midlife crisis?

My husband told me last year he never loved me and should have never married me. He's been talking about divorce, but he hasn't filed. Now he has a girlfriend and he abandoned me and his kids. He has no financial help, and he has been out of the home for four months. He became very angry and mean. He says it's all my fault, and that we're not compatible.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-my-husband-having-a-midlife-crisis

relationship-dissolution

Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

It's hard to say that it is a midlife crisis stage..  could be... but so much more seems to be going on or have been going on to say with confidence that it is not much more.

I'm not sure if I want to trust my husband again

My husband used a lot of negative words to hurt me, and I moved out. He is seeing a counselor and wants another chance to make things right. I'm not sure if I trust that he will not go back to his old ways.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-want-to-trust-my-husband-again

relationship-dissolution

Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

I am glad he is seeing a counselor.  That is something that most men struggle with doing at times.  Time will tell if his actions are of good intentions.  However remember that a person can only do to you what you allow them to do in relationships.   What part did you play?  Did you down play his disrespect at one time?  Did you give up the power of your own voice?  Did you lose yourself in the relationship and it became just one sided?  Did you allow him to make you doubt yourself?   In others words, if you do decide to give him another chance, what would you do different?  Not saying that you are the blame or cause of the negative words AT ALL, but don't allow such disrespect from him or anyone else in the future.  If you do decide to give it another try, go in with a voice, with the demand of respect, with your needs and wants expressed and expected.  With an increase in your self worth and confidence, you will know what to do if his actions are true or if with dishonest intentions.   Seek counseling as well, if you need that additional support to find self.

Why do I still feel a connection with my ex-boyfriend that hurt me very badly?

My ex-boyfriend boyfriend and I lived together. He had a two year affair with a girl and had three pregnancies with her. One was an abortion, another was a miscarriage, and then she had the third baby. They are not together, but he continues to contact me and wants me back. He has nothing to offer me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-still-feel-a-connection-with-my-ex-boyfriend-that-hurt-me-very-badly

relationship-dissolution

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Attica,This is a question I think a lot of people deal with...they feel confusion about why they can't forget about or get over (or stop connecting with) someone who they absolutely know isn't good for them. In your case, part of the problem is that he keeps trying to get back in touch with you. For some people, honestly, it's a game... to see how much power they have over you or it's their need to control you. If you don't want contact from this person, it's really important to give him clear messages about boundaries ("Don't contact me again"), and then ignore all of their communications. Any interactions or responses from you at all will feed their behaviour. Remind yourself why you don't want to be with them. I hear you doing that already when you say "he has nothing to offer me". That's great self-talk.But let's get back to the question of why we have a hard time letting go of people like this. Sometimes it's because we still hope they will change. Maybe we remember who they used to be or how they used to treat us, and we think it can go back to the way it felt in those "good old days". The problem there is that, over the first few years, as intimacy grows, people tend to show more of who they are, not less. So what they're eventually showing you is who they are and what they're capable of. People do change and grow, but it won't happen at your pace. Accept that person for who they are and stop expecting them to change. Another reason we can't let go is because we picture our ex with someone new in the future and we wonder if they will be a better person for the next partner in their life. This is a normal... but not a healthy... thought. It's as though we want them to stay, maybe apologize, and heal our hurts; maybe make up for past mistakes. You deserve that healing, you deserve better than you got, you deserve apologies, but to expect that from the person who hurt you and hasn't demonstrated that compassion as yet is probably foolhardy. It is my belief that underlying some of the above scenarios is the deep belief that we must somehow be responsible for the hurts our exes have caused. If you blame yourself in any way for someone's poor treatment of you, you will be dancing around trying to do things differently so that they can treat you better. It will be impossible to let go, because you blame yourself for their behaviours.Draw a line. Their behaviours are about them, not you, and the only solution is to challenge and reduce thoughts of them, and create physical and emotional distance. These things plus time will help the events of the past fade from importance.

I’ve been separated from my husband for six months and he still has not filed for divorce

My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-ve-been-separated-from-my-husband-for-six-months-and-he-still-has-not-filed-for-divorce

relationship-dissolution

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

In any relationship, including marriage, each partner will be better able to do their part, by understanding their own interests and wishes.Concentrate more on what you'd like from your marriage.  This will naturally raise the questions and criteria of what to talk with your husband about and what to ask of him.Think over whether you wish to divorce or not.Since he hasn't taken any action, then for the moment, you can assume he is not sure of what he wants.Once you feel a little more clear on your opinion about your marriage, including feeling uncertain if you'd like it to end or continue, then you will be able to tell your husband the suggestions you have for resolving the dispute matter and emotions.Try to re-direct your speculations about, "what does he want", "I wonder what he's thinking", back to answering these very reasonable questions, about yourself.This will strengthen your own purpose in clarifying where to start and guide a discussion with him.Good luck!

I’ve been separated from my husband for six months and he still has not filed for divorce

My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-ve-been-separated-from-my-husband-for-six-months-and-he-still-has-not-filed-for-divorce

relationship-dissolution

Analyce Zapata-BarnesI'm here to help!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/analyce-zapata-barnes

In situations like this, in most cases, he probably will not fill anytime soon. It's more of the fact that he isn't ready to give that life yet... Now if you probably pressured him about it then yes, he would probably give in.. But if it hasn't been a big issue anymore or something you guys aren't talking about, then right now.. Everything is on a hold.

Can our marriage still be saved?

In 2008 my former husband of 14 years walked away from my life and we've been separated ever since. We have always been together sexually and both have experienced sleeping with others. I stopped because I wanted my marriage to work out but he did not. If he stops sleeping with other women, can our marriage be saved? Or should we just part ways? I still care deeply about him after all that I did and he has done. But he is seeing someone else on and off for years now. Will our marriage still be saved if he decides that he wants to try to do so?

https://counselchat.com/questions/can-our-marriage-still-be-saved

relationship-dissolution

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Sorry to hear about the stress in your relationship.  There is definite value in being clear as you are, about your own emotional investment in your husband and that you expect sexual exclusivity from him as part of the foundation of your marriage.Also positive is your awareness that only your husband is the one who must similarly decide his own standards of being sexually exclusive to you, or not.Whether your marriage can be saved depends on what each person is willing to accept about the other one.Is sleeping with other women the only criterion of what will satisfy you about being together with your husband?Love and care are not enough to make a marriage work. Partners need to be able to compromise and cooperate with each other. That you care for him definitely intensifies any emotion you feel toward your husband.  It intensifies any frustration and sadness about the relationship too.Decide how much emotional sadness and hurt you're willing to tolerate and the reason you're willing to do so.From what you write, you are being very generous of yourself and not being reciprocated for this.If your husband doesn't start taking steps toward satisfying your wishes, this may be your time to question your own generosity in waiting for him to do so.

My husband and I are separated. I'm so scared of getting divorced

I keep on begging him to come back. I am so unhappy with him but am so scared of being a single parent to our son. I was abused as a little girl and that has made to be very abusive to men. What should I do...

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-and-i-are-separated-i-m-so-scared-of-getting-divorced

relationship-dissolution

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Major change frightens almost everybody.Don't be so afraid of your fear that you let yourself beg and are willing to accept unhappiness as a standard in your marriage.If you start considering that life can be better than what is current for you now, new possibilities and ideas will start developing in your mind.Consider finding a therapist so that you have private space to talk in detail about your fears and the new ways of seeing your Self.A therapy relationship, since it is safe and supportive, will be a good balance to having been abused, suffered, and unhappy.

How do couples keep from being at risk for divorce?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-couples-keep-from-being-at-risk-for-divorce

relationship-dissolution

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

The Gottmans have been studying relationships in their "love lab" for over 4 decades and what they've found is pretty awesome. There are 4 things that, when added together and built up over time, predict divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt & stonewalling. These behaviors lead towards emotional disengagement over time and will eat away at your positive feelings towards one another. The awesome news is that they've also identified antidotes; gentle start ups, taking responsibility, discussing your feelings and needs (not to be confused with what you need from your partner) and self soothing. No couple can ever truly eliminate saying/doing the wrong thing, that's ok though because sustaining your marriage isn't about always getting it right, it's about knowing/learning how to repair when your get it wrong. To learn more, pick up a copy of Gottman's "The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work" or seek out a Gottman trained couples therapist.

How do I cope and rebuild my life after ending an 11 year abusive marriage?

I am going through a divorce from a narcissistic sociopath who left me for another woman after mentally and emotionally abusing me for 11 years. I have moved to a different state and after giving up my successful business am working as a server at a restaurant. I’m coping as best as I can. Is it normal and healthy to not adapt as quickly and be as strong as I think I should be? I am astounded at his cruelty and how much he doesn't care, as well as most other people in my life. I feel like I don't exist to anyone anymore as there is no contact from anyone who I thought cared about me. My brother just said no to lending me a few hundred dollars for me to live on. I am losing faith in humanity itself.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-and-rebuild-my-life-after-ending-an-11-year-abusive-marriage

relationship-dissolution

Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw

I am very sorry to hear of your struggles. I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you. This tells me that you didn’t have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you. Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can’t do any better. Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get. The way I see it, he did you a favor. You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be. Take this time alone to work on you. As hurtful as it may be that other people don’t want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you. Your statement “I don’t feel like I exist anymore” tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don’t have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are. People can and will let you down. It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self. Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it. Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good. Find a hobby that you enjoy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily. Google “positive affirmations” to find some that resonate with you. Such statements might be “I am a good person who deserves to be happy” or “I can do this.” Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well. There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing. When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them. Good luck with rebuilding your life. I know it is hard! Remember to take it one day at a time.

I feel like I'm going to get fired because I cried at work

I'm a teenager, and I just got my first job. I am a month and a half in. Yesterday, my boss pushed me to the point where I had to go to the restroom and cry. She didn't see me, and I'm glad, but when I went to talk to her about it today, I let a tear or two come out. I hate it. I feel like they're not going to keep me anymore.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-m-going-to-get-fired-because-i-cried-at-work

workplace-relationships

Daniel Kelley-PetersenMental Health and Career Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen

Getting your first job is an exciting, terrifying, and challenging experience. It is something you will remember for a long time and it shapes how you begin to think about yourself as a worker. You are literally "learning as you go" in this completely new environment. You are going to make mistakes. You are not going to get it right the first time. It can be even more challenging if you are having a difficult time building relationships that are supportive at work. A couple of things to remember here: 1) You are there to do a job and you are getting paid to do it, 2) There is a reason or reasons for you wanting to be there and do that work, 3) you know best what you need in order to be successful. These three items can be helpful to remember, especially when we feel our emotions are taking over in a place where we do not feel safe to express them fully. If you feel like your supervisor is approachable, meaning someone you could talk to because they express confidence in you, let them know you are nervous about doing a good job. Also let them know how you learn new tasks, information, or expectations so they can deliver the message in a way that you understand. Becoming a successful worker doesn't happen overnight, but each day you can identify what works for you and what doesn't by communicating with your work team, the easier it will be for you. We all had a first job once, and were all worried about doing well. Hang in there, and call a counselor if you need more help.

I feel like I'm going to get fired because I cried at work

I'm a teenager, and I just got my first job. I am a month and a half in. Yesterday, my boss pushed me to the point where I had to go to the restroom and cry. She didn't see me, and I'm glad, but when I went to talk to her about it today, I let a tear or two come out. I hate it. I feel like they're not going to keep me anymore.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-m-going-to-get-fired-because-i-cried-at-work

workplace-relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

How sad for you!I'm sorry your first job is turning into a place of tension.Did the matter between you and your boss get resolved?Do you feel respected by your boss and does she listen to your point of view, even if afterwards, she disagrees?Keep an open mind over the next several weeks or few months on how you feel in your new work situation.Expect to be treated fairly and reasonably.If this is not the way you feel most of the time, then consider finding a new place to work.

Why do I feel like I'm always wrong in everything in my relationship?

My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-always-wrong-in-everything-in-my-relationship

workplace-relationships

Virginia ChowTheraspace

https://counselchat.com/therapists/virginia-chow

Hello. That must be very frustrating for you to feel that you to be reminded of constant wrongdoing in your relationship, especially when you feel that your wife does not admit to any fault. This could lead you to feel inadequate in the relationship that can harm your relationship in the long-term. Based on what you are reporting and without knowing your wife's side of the story, I would say that you are raising 3 different concerns. One is that there seems to be some concern of infidelity from your wife that you feel is not justified. It may bear clarifying how each of you define "infidelity". Currently, there is no uniform definition of infidelity because it can emcompass a hook-up, chatroom texting, extensive phone calls to a female friend, viewing pornography, a massage with happy ending, physical intercourse, or intimate emotional sharing. Depending on whether any of these circumstances have occured, you may need to reflect whether there is any truth to what she may be accusing you of and for you to share with her your reasons for engaging in these activities. If there is no truth to it, then my clinical intuition is that she may be accusing you of infidelity as a way of saying, "I feel you distancing from me." In other words, it's not so much about whether you are actually unfaithful but a statement of how she feels as she witnesses your distancing from her. Often times, accusing a partner of cheating is likened to a cry or a yearning for closeness. If so, what you want to do is to reflect to her that perhaps she is saying that you are unfaithful because she senses that you are moving away from her emotionally. If this is true, you may wish to share with her why you are pulling away and then discuss the kind of support you may need to feel closer to her again. Otherwise, if the focus becomes about who is right and who is wrong, the conversation will never touch at both of your core emotional needs. The second issue touches upon how to interpret calling someone a "sweetheart." The term has been loosely used in a variety of contexts to mean "you're so sweet and kind", "my dear", or in a flirtatious manner to mean "sweetie." The intention behind the use is known only to the speaker. You may want to reflect in what context you meant to use the term and share it with your wife. If your wife overheard the comment not knowing your intentions or context, it is possible that she may have misinterpreted what you have said.  If she finds the term disrespectful, it may be her way of expressing, "I want to be the important person in your life and if you call someone else a sweetheart it means that I am not valued as much." Therefore, arguing about who has the right or wrong interpretation may be missing the mark. Rather, the issue is about how do you wish to treat or show consideration of each others feelings? You may wish to explore how do you show her that you value her and that she is important to you? Is saying "sweetheart" to another woman conducive to that or is it sending mixed messages to your wife? That said, if you have expressed and shown her that she is important to you on many occasions with open discussions and by understanding, accomodating and prioritizing her needs, then her actions may be a reflection of her personal insecurities. She may need to speak to a therapist about her feelings and her fears.The last issue you raised concerns your wife never admitting she's wrong. Indeed that must be frustrating for you to hear often that you are doing something wrong. In the absence of her admitting to any faults, it could seem like you are the one with the problem. Unfortunately, blaming invites defensiveness and a withdrawn behavior because most people who feel blamed do not feel good about themselves and wishes to distance themselves from the person who is making them feel unhappy. This pattern can also trigger the partners' insecurity as they witnesses the distancing, which could make them angrier and more accusatory - creating a vicious cycle. Finding a healthy way of reaching out when your partner is in turmoil to help calm her emotions and being able to speak about your own feelings and needs is at the heart of a very secure attachment. This kind of conversation can be guided by an experienced professional to help both of you to express your feelings and needs in a safe and secure way to foster a secure bonding. We sometimes take for granted the simple expression of, "I'm sorry." However, it requires a certain comfort with being vulnerable to express that. In my practice, when a client tells me that his or her partner never says "I'm sorry", I am often observing the first partner to see if they are able to express vulnerability. If neither of them express it, then it makes sense to me because why would one risk being vulnerable and then getting hurt if they open up if the other partner doesn't do it.? These insights in therapy can sometimes lead to a different relationship building conversation, which can help couples to to feel safer with each other rather than blaming and alientating. For more information about these services, you are welcome to read my materials on my website at www.PsychologyResource.ca or to contact me at (514) 690-2469.

Why do I feel like I'm always wrong in everything in my relationship?

My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-always-wrong-in-everything-in-my-relationship

workplace-relationships

Erica LondonExpert Relationship Therapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/erica-london

Here is the truth: You will never get her to understand! because that would mean changing her and we can't change other people we can only change ourselves. I would recommend to take the time to self reflect on what exactly it is that you are doing that is contributing to the mixup. You both have very valid feelings and those won't magically go away until you address the root problem (which could be many factors). I am curious to know more about past relationships the both of you have had and how that plays a role in your current relationship. Many times we don't realize how past relationships truly impact our current behaviors.

Why do I feel like I'm always wrong in everything in my relationship?

My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-always-wrong-in-everything-in-my-relationship

workplace-relationships

Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR

https://counselchat.com/therapists/gayle-weill

It sounds like you feel your wife doesn’t trust you and it’s frustrating for you because you aren’t cheating on her and you aren’t trying to be disrespectful towards her. It must be really difficult to constantly be faced with accusations and misunderstandings from your wife. I am so sorry you are going through this but I’m really glad you are trying to seek assistance with this.I don’t know your wife, in fact I don’t know you either for that matter, but from what little I know from what you wrote it sounds like your wife has some insecurity and maybe even self-esteem issues. People that present as very sensitive and accusatory like your wife are often not acting that way to purposely frustrate their loved ones- they act that way because they are feeling unloved and hurting. Having that perspective in mind about your wife- that she is hurting when she makes those accusations- I am wondering if that changes your perspective about this? Your wife needs your sensitivity towards her feelings, your  love and your reassurance of your commitment to her. Be very loving in your actions and words towards her. Don’t call other women sweetheart. It sounds like your wife is a sensitive person which means she needs her husband to be sensitive to her feelings. These are just some things to think about.

Why do I feel like I'm always wrong in everything in my relationship?

My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-always-wrong-in-everything-in-my-relationship

workplace-relationships

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

People often project their insecurities onto others.  Has she been cheated on prior to your marriage, or has there been infidelity in the marriage? Would she seek therapy for her insecurities, and/or couple’s therapy? Also, something to consider is not to allow someone else’s insecurities to become your insecurities. Do not allow their words to penetrate your psyche.  Your worth is not based on others’ estimations of you. You may enjoy this video Self-Esteem & Worthiness Affirmations - Remember Your Worth and value

Why do I feel like I'm always wrong in everything in my relationship?

My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?

https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-always-wrong-in-everything-in-my-relationship

workplace-relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

You may not get her to understand your point of view with any more success than your wife is having with you to do the same.It is possible you are a balanced couple in the sense of neither one of you understanding the other.The deeper question to ponder is whether each of you can accept the other person even though you each have very different terms for defining "cheating".You will find either there are enough strong similarities to keep the two of you happy as a couple, or there aren't these similarities.Then, the new question would be whether either of you want to address your findings or not.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-klein

I think it's important to tease more of this situation out to figure out what is at the root of the stress. It is emotionally dangerous to be at a job for a lengthy duration in which you feel overworked and underpaid. You will not perform well as you mention, and thus your self-esteem will continually take a hit without really any effort. So, I don't know that simply coping with your stress would be advisable as a first step.You don't speak about a lot of what the office dynamics are like, which can be a big indicator for me of what can be done to help you feel better (because we exist as a part of a relationship with everything, including people at our job.) I would encourage you to speak up about your contributions to your boss. Often, "overworked and underpaid" also includes the "my boss never notices me," and that can demoralizing. If we feel appreciated, that can go a long way. I've found that it is quite common for bosses to require some instruction for how to show each of their employees "appreciation" (and it goes deeper than "thank you" or taking you out to lunch - it's almost something felt as opposed to made explicit.)But sometimes appreciation isn't going to do the trick either. Because that overworked and underpaid actually has led you to feel "burnout." You have zero interest in doing the job in the way it is designed, so some real changes need to be implemented. The bottom line? Try not to just "suck it up" and do all of the "self care" work on your own. If your company isn't helping you to take care of yourself (I'm talking to you, boss that handles employee pay and/or work conditions!) then you also have to question if this is a company worth working for. While I don't know exactly what you do, it sounds like you have confidence in your contributions! So take that confidence to a tech company that will support you (and there are tech companies out there!)

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Samantha OsborneEncouraging and Compassionate

https://counselchat.com/therapists/samantha-osborne

Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job.  1. Have a ritual to begin the day:  Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better. 3.  Have a ritual to end the day:  If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist.  Take a walk. Light a candle.  Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available after hours, set boundaries where you can.  Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that.  Have phone free meals.    Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family.  5. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs.  Move as much as you can.  Get outside in natural sunlight.  These are just ideas/ suggestions.  Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction.  Best of luck!

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LCMHCStep into your new life path.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lcmhc

Hello. Workplace stress is one of those areas of living that troubles many people who need an income to survive. The interactions between you and coworkers is a mixed bag, and sorting that out can be difficult. Also, if you are feeling under appreciated and not well paid, this can add bitterness to your lot of emotions. A few questions can be kept in mind as you work through your situation. Do you have the option of talking to your employer about your experiences and feelings with regard to your current work? Do you have local resources that you can use to find different jobs in your field? Do you have connections with employment counselors or agencies that can support you with strategies in dealing with workplace stress? These questions might cause others to bubble up, and could begin a new journey into a new field.While still at your job, what can you do to take care of yourself? Are you taking breaks? Do you eat lunch at the office, or do you go somewhere away from the office to eat? What do you do when you have a few moments to breathe? Understanding that you can indeed find even the smallest strategies useful for self-care, can help bolster your energy and give you some support as you move through the day. Seeking the support of family and friends can be helpful as well. Knowing your personal limits and when to pull back and take a break will give you a chance to recharge your mental and physical energy, thus helping you face the demands of your job.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Ashley "Ashton" BernalRenewed Hope Counseling

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ashley-ashton-bernal

I am curious, what makes you stay? Sometimes "managing stress" is only a band aid to a bigger problem. When you ask yourself "what your life would look like without this stress," what do you see? We can easily talk about coping strategies for stress. Mindfulness, deep breathing, meditation, journaling, exercising etc. All of which may be things to help manage your stress. Hearing your sentiments above "I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions" I wonder if the stress is more resentment and if "managing" is really the solution?

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Erin Pritchard, MA, LPCC-S | EMDR IntensivesSea Glass Counseling and Consultation

https://counselchat.com/therapists/erin-pritchard-ma-lpcc-s-emdr-intensives

Ugh, overworked and underpaid is such a terrible combination. I applaud you for recognizing your value, both monetarily and otherwise. To manage your anxiety at work, consider putting together a small grounding box for yourself to have at work - fill it with fidgets, hard candy or gum, something that smells nice, kind words and reminders to yourself. Remind yourself that you are not stuck - you have lots of options for how to move forward and the freedom to decide what to do. A few options might be: look for another role in the same company, look for another job at another company, use some of your PTO time to give yourself a restful break, ask for a meeting with your supervisor or HR to discuss your concerns or advocate for yourself to get a pay increase. You are valuable, both inside and outside of the workplace! And it's okay to ask to be fairly compensated for the work you are doing, and set boundaries for yourself if that request is not accepted.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR

https://counselchat.com/therapists/gayle-weill

It is so hard to feel undervalued on the job! To be given so much work and not to get paid for it is unfortunately a headache many experience. Make sure that you are surrounding yourself with loved ones and ways of relaxing when you are not on the job, and taking care of yourself (aka eating well, getting enough sleep, etc). When one ensures that their physical needs are met, they give themselves the best chance for also functioning best mentally and emotionally. Think to yourself how you best take care of yourself and make sure when you are off from work you do those things. For example, do you enjoy reading, exercising, or maybe having a milkshake? If you do, make sure you make time to do those things! Whatever it is you enjoy please utilize self-care and do them. As long as it is not an activity that will harm you or anyone else, make time for taking care of yourself when you are not on the job. There are also skills you can learn to manage any symptoms of anxiety, and that a competent therapist can go over with you, should you decide to try counseling. And while you are doing all of that, you could also search for other jobs. Best of luck !

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Reggie Smith, LPC, CTP, CCATPTexas Couples, Anxiety, Trauma therapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/reggie-smith-lpc-ctp-ccatp

Hola. I understand.  I worked 27 years in a sales & management environment in corporate before transitioning towards my area of purpose.  I hear a couple different things here.  One, I hear that your job is stressful (I know, thanks Capt Obvious).  Secondly, that you are not compensated based on your appraisal of your contributions, Third, and maybe the core or at least closest to it - not being recognized or seen for your contributions.  Did I get that right?  if so, then I see the link between being demoralized and being stressed/having anxiety.  Be curious and ask yourself, "What irks me the very most?", "What is the one thing that could be done that would help me feel better" Typically money is not the root of many workplace issues. Often its direct supervisor, not being valued (ding?!), harassment, misaligned values, favoritism, and then money does come up.  As a mental health professional, we believe in empowering the individual to have increased agency over their situations/lives.  You can practice and then bring up the issue to your supervisor(s) but first chat through it with a good friend or counselor or coach.  They can give some specific things to do based on more detail of your situation.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Gay Lee Schumann

https://counselchat.com/therapists/gay-lee-schumann

First, look at your own history.  At times, past trauma can make the current situation worse.  If you have ever experienced trauma, you may want to try addressing the traumatic experience directly so that you can see clearly to deal with the current situation.In addition, consider how your current boss, co-workers and/or company may be similar to your home life as a child.  Is your boss or the company like one or both of your parents?  Is a co-worker similar to a family member?  Could you be perceiving a work-related situation or a person at work the same as a family member because their words, actions or looks remind you of that person?  Ultimately, after asking yourself these questions and providing honest answers, it will help you to determine whether you are dealing with issues of the past or whether you are in a current toxic work enviornment.  From there, you can decide what you want for your future.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

Is this what you have always seen yourself as?  I understand.  Do you have a cushion to fall back on? Your health is not worth this if it is making your life a complete mess.   Not sure of your situation and responsibilities but you might consider a different path if you can.  You might want to talk to a counselor or try some energy work to help with this.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-suraci

Ugh!  We spend so many hours at work, so if it's a tough environment it can really drag you down.  Is this your "dream job" gone sour or a "just pay the bills" deal that has gotten stale?  It makes a big difference in terms of next steps.For example, if this job is a step on the way to a bigger goal, it might be time to assess whether you need to be moving along to then next phase.  Have you learned what you needed to learn to make this a helpful experience?  Or do you sense there is more to learn, but you feel stuck in some way? If this current job is part of a bigger plan, then you need to practice some good self care, set up ways to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing, and make sure you are including some "carrots" along the way.  That might mean spending some time each week networking (preferably live but online works well too) with peers in similar situations (entrepreneur groups, skill building trainings, etc).  Big dreams require small steps, but we all need support along the way.If , however, this is "just a job", then you really have to reassess your situation.  If you are burned out and not getting paid your worth then  look around for other opportunities.  You are employed, not owned.  You mentioned anxiety, and while I don't want to minimize the very real issues anxiety presents, is it possible that some of your anxiety can be seen as "revving your engine"  and readying you to move on?  Or is it that pervasive feeling  of never being able to finish your work, feeling like you will be "in trouble", or dreading every single moment of your workday?  The first is a potentially positive motivator, the second is just bad for you.   See the difference?In order to feel any satisfaction with your job, it needs to be financially rewarding (to a level that makes sense), be a good atmosphere to learn, be supportive and/or be a step on the way to a bigger plan you have.  If your job isn't fulfilling any of those criteria, you need to move on.  And finally, if the only reason you have this job is to pay the bills, and you truly see no way around keeping your current position for now, remember why you are there - this is a job, not a family.  You rent your brain and body to your employer, not your heart and soul.  Those belong to you and you are responsible for feeding them.  That means good self-care, making sure you have social engagement (face-to-face, not just online), move your body, feel the sun on your face daily, creating ways to refresh your body and mind and generally taking care of your whole being.Discomfort exists for a reason - it primes us for change, gives us the necessary motivation to take reasonable risks, and pesters us until we do so.  The first step is to figure out what change is realistic, and take action.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Jenifer FinkelsteinNCC, LPCC 44

https://counselchat.com/therapists/jenifer-finkelstein

It sounds like you are experiencing burnout and have very little, if no job satisfaction.  There are some aspects of this that are in your control and others that are not.  What type of work do you typically enjoy?  Do you enjoy high stress work? What keeps you in this job? Is there a reason you have stayed?  Is your boss reasonable to have a conversation with?  I recommend a few things.  For one, you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your job duties and see if there is a way to either eliminate some responsibilities or get higher pay.  Another option, if you are unable to have an open conversation, you can start to look at an ideal work situation, what would you like/ be OK with/ absolutely hate about a job. Then possibly try to look for a new job that fits these qualifications. If you are unable to leave your job, you may want to attempt to balance your work life with more activities that create joy outside of work.  Sometimes that balance can help you tolerate work more.  I recommend that you find a supportive person to talk with and process these frustrations as burnout can lead us to do things we may regret.

How can I cope with work related stress better?

I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing. What can I do to manage my stress?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-work-related-stress-better

workplace-relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Recognize your reason for continuing to work for this place.Sometimes "overworked and underpaid" is tolerable bc of the valuable learning which the person will take with them when they've decided the time has come for these lessons to end.Or, are you in this place bc it is an easy commute to your home or fits well with other parts of your life such as education or some health related program?As long as you have a good reason to be there, you will feel there is good purpose.If there is no good purpose and every day you wake up to work for a place you can't stand, then its time to look for a new position.

How do I assert myself with a boss who called me co-dependent?

My boss took over some work I'd begun. Concerned that she had doubts about my work, i asked her for feedback. I assured her that I did my utmost for customer service, and asked if I was deficient. She then said this was me being co-dependent.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-assert-myself-with-a-boss-who-called-me-co-dependent

workplace-relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Your boss' response was insensitive.Either you can assume she was careless in her remark to you because of some unusual pressure in her own day, and ask for feedback at a different time on a different project.Or, if you don't want to take your chances of being insulted again, then be your own evaluator of how well you did your work.Assume your work was at least good enough, otherwise she would have pointed out any mistakes.

How do I assert myself with a boss who called me co-dependent?

My boss took over some work I'd begun. Concerned that she had doubts about my work, i asked her for feedback. I assured her that I did my utmost for customer service, and asked if I was deficient. She then said this was me being co-dependent.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-assert-myself-with-a-boss-who-called-me-co-dependent

workplace-relationships

Leonard PikaardWhen you're ready, help is here.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/leonard-pikaard

This interaction with your boss seems strange. It is tricky to know how to handle workplace conflicts, but there are typically resources in place to help employees and mangers communicate successful and feel confident that they are being treated fairly at work. Is there an HR department that you can use as a mediator?

How do I get over a coworker?

I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progressed to making out. We agreed to keep it quiet, and we did, but in the back of my mind, I hoped it would become something more. It didn't, and three months later, I'm still not over it. I'm trying so hard to maintain the friendship because that's what he wants. We're no longer in the same office, which I thought would help me get over these feelings, but we still talk about work, and he's constantly touching me, so I'm still very drawn to him. He's a hugger and such a sweet guy, so I find myself fantasizing all the time about what could have been and what could still be, but he's clearly not interested. He's younger than me and prefers model types, but I see him checking me out a lot, which gives me hope. How do I get him out of my system and still maintain the friendship?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-coworker

workplace-relationships

Nat RomanMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc RP

https://counselchat.com/therapists/nat-roman-toronto

It sounds like you have mixed feelings and motivations - which is understandable. On the one hand you want to get over him, on the other you are still holding out hope for something more. It will be really hard to let go of him and create friend boundaries so long as there is a part of you holding on to the idea of something more. If you are being really honest with yourself you might need to acknowledge that you are not really striving to get him out of your system - that you have not really given up hope of having a relationship with him. If you are whole-heartedly committed to moving past the sexual and romantic parts of your relationship and just having a friendship than refraining from all the touching would be a good place to start. It is hard to "just be friends" when all your sex and bonding hormones are coursing through your veins.

How do I get over a coworker?

I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progressed to making out. We agreed to keep it quiet, and we did, but in the back of my mind, I hoped it would become something more. It didn't, and three months later, I'm still not over it. I'm trying so hard to maintain the friendship because that's what he wants. We're no longer in the same office, which I thought would help me get over these feelings, but we still talk about work, and he's constantly touching me, so I'm still very drawn to him. He's a hugger and such a sweet guy, so I find myself fantasizing all the time about what could have been and what could still be, but he's clearly not interested. He's younger than me and prefers model types, but I see him checking me out a lot, which gives me hope. How do I get him out of my system and still maintain the friendship?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-coworker

workplace-relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

How frustrating to want a relationship with someone who does not feel similarly!The person who needs to be at the top of your list of those whose interest you consider, is yourself.Most often, staying engaged in dialogue, affection, sex, with someone who has different reasons than you have, for doing so, creates longing, frustration and sadness.Since the guy has told you he would like limiting his involvement with you, more than likely you will be protecting yourself from disappointed wishes, by taking his words seriously.Since you've made your interest in him clear, it sound like he's taking advantage of what you're willing to offer him.As long as he's not reciprocating with the involvement you'd like, why continue being available to him?The one area that is open to you in a positive way, is to understand which qualities of this guy you find attractive.By understanding more about your own interests about a potential partner, the stronger you will be able to step away from those who would like you for their reasons, which have nothing or very little in common  with yours.Good luck with defining the qualities of a partner with who you will feel fulfilled by sharing yourself.

How do I get over a coworker?

I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progressed to making out. We agreed to keep it quiet, and we did, but in the back of my mind, I hoped it would become something more. It didn't, and three months later, I'm still not over it. I'm trying so hard to maintain the friendship because that's what he wants. We're no longer in the same office, which I thought would help me get over these feelings, but we still talk about work, and he's constantly touching me, so I'm still very drawn to him. He's a hugger and such a sweet guy, so I find myself fantasizing all the time about what could have been and what could still be, but he's clearly not interested. He's younger than me and prefers model types, but I see him checking me out a lot, which gives me hope. How do I get him out of my system and still maintain the friendship?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-coworker

workplace-relationships

Margaret Van AckerenMA, LMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda

It sounds like a tricky situation. If you want to maintain your friendship and continue to have regular contact with him, getting over him may not be possible. What makes it even trickier is that his actions (hugs and touching) may be misleading and are allowing you to believe that a romantic relationship is possible. Some ways in which we naturally get over others are when we fall in love with someone else or when we suddenly see the person we like in a more negative or unattractive light. If you truly want to force yourself to get over him, cutting contact or setting strict boundaries may be necessary. If you don't see him, over time you can begin to forget about him. If you set boundaries by discontinuing to allow the hugs and touches, you will not feel mislead or have the idea in your mind that he is being flirtatious or interested. It would be difficult to continue the relationship as is and expect your feelings to change. Thus, being proactive by talking to him about boundaries or cutting contact with him are two things you can do that will likely help you to get over him. Good luck!

How do I get over a friend/coworker?

I am conflicted with this guy I work with. He is a coworker and close friend whom I've had a crush on since meeting him four years ago. We made out once after years of flirting. I was hoping for more, but nothing happened. I distanced myself a lot after.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-a-friend-coworker

workplace-relationships

Alexandra LarameeTherapy Practice for Professional Women

https://counselchat.com/therapists/alexandra-laramee

Hello! Emotions run high in "crush" situations and when emotions run high it's not uncommon for us to have emotion-based instead of fact-based thoughts. After reading your question, I wondered how you went from "making out" to "nothing happened?" I wondered if this happened because of an emotion-based thought that sounded like "If he liked me, he would make something happen." A truer and more empowering thought might be "I want something different to happen with him and I want to take a different action to see if that can happen." This thought focuses more on the one thing you can control: YOU.  Hopefully, the thought also empowers you to think through what you can do to gauge interest/talk with him about his feelings on the matter. I hope this helps and good luck to you!

A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content

I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

https://counselchat.com/questions/a-friend-of-my-child-s-father-is-sending-him-inappropriate-content

workplace-relationships

Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-timothy-paul

The offspring are your Property;If you require that no other man show inappropriate content to them, then require compensation for use and enjoyment of your Property, without your consent;Send them a bill;When they do not pay it, activate the local Sheriff, take them to small claims court, and win a judgment against them for failure to compensate for the use and enjoyment of your Property;I wonder what might happen after that... learn to act as man :)... and watch the magic happen...

A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content

I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

https://counselchat.com/questions/a-friend-of-my-child-s-father-is-sending-him-inappropriate-content

workplace-relationships

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

From what you write, it sounds like you're reaching quite far into your child's father's way to handle his friendships.There's a difference between an agreement between you and the child's father to not view porn, and with you monitoring and setting standards for your child's father's way to handle his social life.Try to accept the limits of your request extends to you and the child's father, not the way the child's father wants to handle his relationships with other people.Also, pushing too hard or setting your expectations of the child's father too wide for him to tolerate may end up backfiring on you.Who knows, maybe he'll decide "enough is enough" and withdraw from the otherwise reasonable agreement to not watch porn.

A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content

I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

https://counselchat.com/questions/a-friend-of-my-child-s-father-is-sending-him-inappropriate-content

workplace-relationships

Karen ThackerRelationship Specialist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-thacker-2

In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him.  It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.

A friend of my child's father is sending him inappropriate content

I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

https://counselchat.com/questions/a-friend-of-my-child-s-father-is-sending-him-inappropriate-content

workplace-relationships

Dr. Denise HallWork Health Consulting and Career Development

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-denise-hall

It sounds like you are wanting to protect your child from degrading images and that is one of the important parts of the job of a parent. Although it is challenging to supply an answer without knowing the full situation, it might be helpful to have a more broad discussion about what you both think about the influences and images that your child is exposed to and what you think your role is in protecting your child. This situation is one about beliefs and values and could well be an example you can use for exploring your parenting roles in protecting your child.

I'm attracted to my boss

I've been suppressing it for quite some time, but there are days when I can't make eye contact with her. I think she knows, and we both admitted there was some type of vibe, but the overall discussion was vague. I think she could possibly be dating someone that works with us. It's driving me crazy. As an act of expression, I have purchased a gift for her that's personalized. I haven't given it to her yet.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-attracted-to-my-boss

workplace-relationships

Lauren GoldsteinGLBTQ Affirmative Relationship Therapist for individuals and couples

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-goldstein

There are many possible ways dating your boss could go awry and jeopardize your occupational well-being so my recommendation is to hold off on presenting your boss with a personalized gift and instead focus on building attraction and romantic interest with someone who is not at the workplace.  Sometimes the element of power and unavailability can heighten our sexual interest but that doesn't mean it's a healthy idea to pursue someone who is in a position of power over you at your workplace.

I'm attracted to my boss

I've been suppressing it for quite some time, but there are days when I can't make eye contact with her. I think she knows, and we both admitted there was some type of vibe, but the overall discussion was vague. I think she could possibly be dating someone that works with us. It's driving me crazy. As an act of expression, I have purchased a gift for her that's personalized. I haven't given it to her yet.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-attracted-to-my-boss

workplace-relationships

Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg

Human attractions can be tricky things, and in this case - a power dynamic. In the workplace, a boss usually has the power to hire, fire, set schedules, approve vacations, and evaluate performance. Because of this power dynamic, most employee handbooks expressly forbid supervisors and their direct employees being in a romantic relationship. Perhaps you should check your employee handbook.  It is possible that if you or your supervisor act on your feelings, one of you might have to be reassigned, or if no reassignment is available, asked to resign. While you may be attracted to your boss, and your feelings may be strong, it might be in your best interests to resist acting upon them.

My sexual partner wants me to reimburse him on a hotel room

I was having a sexual relationship with a coworker. He decided he was going to get a hotel room for the weekend. Before I got paid, I told him I would have $25.00, which I thought I would. But when I saw my paycheck, I could not pay the $25.00. He says I lied to him about it. He wants me to reimburse him $25.00 for the hotel room he decided to get. He stayed at the hotel, and I left. I don't think it's right that he want me to reimburse him $25.00 for a hotel room he wanted to get in the first place. He is out of town right now and texted me yesterday telling me I am a liar and that I should never said I was going to have $25.00 when I knew I wasn't. I told him I had to pay rent and my rent was late. He texted me saying I need to get two or three jobs.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sexual-partner-wants-me-to-reimburse-him-on-a-hotel-room

workplace-relationships

Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting

https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc

Hello, and thank you for your question. It really is up to you to decide if you owe him the $25.00. If you feel like it is the right thing to do based on your discussion with him, then pay when you can. I am actually much more concerned with how he is treating you over $25.00. I know that it can be a lot of money if you don't have much, but that doesn't give someone the right to call you names and harass you through texts. You may want to take some time and think about your relationship and make sure that these are the qualities and behaviors you want in a sexual partner. Be well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC

What can I do if my coworkers accuse me of mood swings?

My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-if-my-coworkers-accuse-me-of-mood-swings

workplace-relationships

Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

If this is a concern of a few coworkers, make sure it is not something they see but you don't admit to.  Employers can "suggest" or something "stipulate" in continued employment with them  for you to go to their Employment Assistance Provider (EAP) if they have noticed the same behavior and concerned of how it is effecting productivity or employee relationships.  No one wants to work in a environment which they consider hostile.  Employers can be held responsible if they do not take action.Couple of things you can do...Ask a coworker in which you trust and respect if what others are saying is true?Seek professional help from your primary care provider or counselor if mood swings do exist.

What can I do if my coworkers accuse me of mood swings?

My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-if-my-coworkers-accuse-me-of-mood-swings

workplace-relationships

Rebecca DuellmanMA, Applied Psychology, Specializing in Forensic Psychology issues.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-duellman

I can’t give you legal advice, but employers can suggest you see someone if your behavior is affecting your job. I believe most government agencies have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where employees can talk to a therapist about any issue, not just work-related, for free (up to a certain amount of sessions).I’m wondering, though, why your coworkers would tell your boss this if it’s not true. Is it possible that you're not aware of how your interactions are affecting others? Maybe this “forced counseling” can be an opportunity for some introspection on your part.

Is work burnout a real condition?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-work-burnout-a-real-condition

workplace-relationships

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

It absolutely is a real thing.  Work can take a significant toll on a person in many ways. There are several things you can do to manage burnout at work. Depending on your specific work environment, some of these might be more realistic than others. It may help to set firm boundaries between your work life and your personal life. Also, it often help s to create some variation in your work schedule or work tasks. At times, burnout can also stem from a lack of challenge at work. Feelings of being burned out by work might be a sign that it's time for a change.

Is it unethical to have a relationship with a fellow counselor?

Does this go against any ethical codes? Are there legal ramifications?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-unethical-to-have-a-relationship-with-a-fellow-counselor

workplace-relationships

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

Generally, the ethical codes only prohibit relationships with clients. There are however a few types of counselor-to-counselor relationships that are prohibited by the ethics codes. Such prohibited relationships include those between supervisors and supervisees; between professors and students; or any time the relationship might negatively impact your (or their) clients. Lastly, some workplaces have rules against dating coworkers. It would be a good idea to check if there is such a rule that applies to you.

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

As in Matthew 7:7   Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” although I minister in interfaith  Jesus also mentions about how he lives within all of us.  As in the beginning when the solar system was created in dark matter.   We are created in the image of to better understand ourselves.  Your soul journey the date and time life  breathed into your physical part while understand that we animate the physical.  Faith and belief is a choice.  Suggestion : Order a life path report.  It helps you learn more about You. Educate and seek spiritual advisors to help you connect to the spirit.   Talking about it helps.

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ashton-sullivan

Since no one can prove that there is a higher power (meaning we cannot observe "God" with our senses), the decision to believe is a choice you make.  When something can't be proven true, you get to choose what belief system works best for you.  Some questions to reflect on might be:1.)  What does "God" even mean?  What are the experiences that have shaped your perception of "God?"  Are there any other ways to think of it?2.) What turns you on or off to the idea of God?  And remember that there is a difference between religion and spirituality.  You do not have to be religious to believe in God.3.) How might your life look if you truly believed there was a higher power/God?  How might that be beneficial?  Why wouldn't you believe (what is there to lose)?4.) How might your life look if you chose not to believe in any higher power?  Is there anything you might lose?  What would you gain?5.) How do you cope with things that are outside of your control and don't make sense?  How do you cope with the idea of death and tragedy?If you decide that you would like to cultivate a belief in God, then there are ways you can strengthen this belief (some doubt and questioning is always normal).  Something you could do to strengthen your belief is to look for ways that it fits into your life.  Look for things that have happened in your life that show you there is something/someone out there looking out for you.  Another way to think about God is to think about love.  Not in the emotional sense of the word, but in terms of good versus evil, light versus dark, love versus hate.  There are some things out there that are clearly evil acts (Christians refer to this as the enemy and sin), but many times something good can be found amidst the bad.  As Fred Rogers once said, whenever you see something terrible that happened on the news, "Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping."  And as one of my favorite verses from the Bible goes, "Light always overcomes darkness."Remember the answers you're looking for come from within.  Just look for the answers you hope to find and they will come to you.

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

There are an infinite number of ways to look at this. Spirituality, religion, God, higher power, and many other parts of this discussion mean different things to different people. My question for you is what does "real" actually mean to you? Often, the concept of God has to do with what you believe in. If you ask 1000 different people, you'll probably get almost that many different answers.Consider talking with friends or family about this. I would suggest, though, that you have the discussion initially with people who you trust and who you feel are willing to listen to your questions and beliefs and perhaps offer an opinion without trying to make you believe as they do. You may also consider speaking with a pastor or another religious figure. The local Salvation Army may have a link to a religious or spiritual person that leads nondenominational church services. There may be able to help you to sort through this if your friends and family do not provide a comfortable environment for you related to this discussion.Just a word of caution. In my experience, ideas of religion and spirituality can be lead to very deep discussions with some people who are very strongly connected to what they believe. Some people do not easily separate their own beliefs from those of others. When initiating conversations about this, try first asking whether someone would be comfortable discussing religion or spirituality. A second question may be whether it is okay with this person you are talking to if you have different beliefs or opinions.As far as whether God is real or not, consider trusting yourself and what you learn, feel, and believe as you work through this process.

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Charles LucasHealthFit Counseling: Solutions for Change

https://counselchat.com/therapists/charles-lucas

Thanks for posting.  This is a significant issue for many people and can make us feel helpless; among other emotions due to the uncertainty.  You said that, at times, you feel like everyone is lying. Ask yourself some of these questions.  What is it that makes you feel so strongly that they are lying?  Where is the concrete evidence that they are lying? How could I test my thoughts about this? What if things are not what they seem on the surface? Am I any lesser of a person as a result of this person's behavior or opinion?  Our beliefs about ourselves and the people and our world  and how we interpret information and experiences have a significant effect on how we feel and how we behave.  It is important to objectively challenge the beliefs that contribute to negative emotions.  You can start this process by answering some of the above questions.  We are unfortunately influenced by what and who we associate with.  As it pertains to if God is a lie; be honest with yourself and question your beliefs that tell you that God is or is not real.  It may be helpful for you to speak to a preacher or chaplain of some sort and they can help you with a lot of that.  Hope this helps at least a little bit.

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Cory Ian Shafer LPCPsychotherapist, Jungian, Hypnotherapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

The way that I see it is that Humans have always been afraid of life and death, historically we have always tried to understand life, we try to organize it, categorize it, explore it, and we've built up this system, our system and societies system around us to help us define what life and (death) is, this system or way is not real but only a perception of our own value judgements, it is, no matter how you try to argue it, a false system of conditioning, humans have a finite mind and a finite mind cannot ever hope to understand an infinite mind of which a god would be. God has been developed over time as a security blanket for our child-like selves, the world is a beautifully brutal place and what is more reassuring than a master that will take care of us and show us the way. On Earth alone there are thousands of gods and even many more systems of thought, economics, societal structures and so on, it is almost as though it were a supermarket with so many choices, we have more choices in gods than we do flavors of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, so then I ask you, "which one is real?, and "what is real?"

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Richie (Yerachmiel) DonowitzExperienced - Compassionate- Measurable Results

https://counselchat.com/therapists/richie-yerachmiel-donowitz

It is not a stupid question, it is very basic. To help answer your question, let me begin with the premise that you will never have absolute proof. With that being said, one can look at different phenomena in nature and history and figure what is the statistical probability that they happened randomly. If one comes to the logical conclusion that many are quite improbable, then there must be a guiding force and plan.  May you be successful in your journey.

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact.  Beliefs aren't provable.

I'm struggeling with the idea of if God real or not?

Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-struggeling-with-the-idea-of-if-god-real-or-not

spirituality

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-s-ncc

Believing in God is a matter of faith.  There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence.  But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists?  This is a personal choice.  Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not.   Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no.  Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?Creer en Dios es una cuestión de fe.  Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios.  Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe.  Esto es una decisión muy individual.  Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar.

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

Seek deliverance from parts of your past you’re struggling to let go. Ask the Holy Spirit or Higher Power to help you mentally take those past experiences and lay them in trust at the foot of the cross for Jesus to handle. Acknowledge that holding onto the past is sin because it keeps you from obeying God’s call to move on. As you will see in the two verses I will list below, Jesus and the apostle Paul are telling us that we have to learn how to let go of our past. Jesus says that anyone who is trying to move forward in his walk and call for God – but keeps looking back – is not fit for the kingdom of God.  But loves you and you are a child of the most high and it is time to cleanse and strip away this resentment.  There are energy medicine and EFT exercises that I could show you.  I will send him some positive vibes 🙌✨

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

Investigating how holding on to the past serves him and working to forgive the past, even grieve what could have been, while embracing the future. He could if he is open to it see a therapist.  Perhaps he can rewrite (symbolically) the past and project a more positive stance or feeling towards it.

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Kellie Spear, LCMHC, LMFTCompassionate online support & encouragement

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kellie-spear-lcmhc-lmft

Although it is difficult to move forward from past regrets, it is important for the health of your relationship that you find a way to reconcile this. A conversation with your fiance that focuses on what is good in your relationship and what makes it worth fighting for can help as a launching point for digging into the wounds from past choices/decisions. You cannot undo what has been done, and if both of you have past regrets let this be something that you begin to share with one another in a spirit of transparency. Healing begins when you can be honest with one another about your feelings and ask one another what is needed to move forward. If you are part of a church seek fellowship with other believers who will support you individually and as a couple.  Reflect back on what your Christian background taught about God's forgiveness, what does that mean to you and to your fiance? Trust and commitment are essential in any dating/marital relationship. If your fiance is feeling insecure as a result of your past, help him to feel more secure by ensuring him of your love and commitment to him and the relationship.  Consider pre-marital counseling as well if you have not already done so. It will give you and your fiance a safe place to process this further and build a solid foundation for your relationship as you move towards marriage. I hope that you and your fiance will find healing as you work through this and God's peace in your future together.

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/brandon-coussens

Our actions unfortunately cannot be undone, and we all do things we regret. It is sometimes very hard for others to see past our worst behaviors and trying to force them to move forward or "get over them" doesn't usually work. Your fiance is probably grieving the losses and consequences that come with what have happened. I know that may be hard to understand, but desired a virgin for a wife, then he has to grieve the loss of that dream coming true. Also, if he is struggling with you having had sex with another person before, then he will need he may not be able to accept that. All of that to say, as a counselor who helps people everyday with sexual, relational and spiritual issues, I believe it may be helpful for you to help him grieve and connect with the tragedy of your past. Grieve with him. Let him know that you hurt too and wish you could have provided that for him. Listen to his heart and allow him to speak his pain. And after that, ask him to pray with you and do devotions with you. Encourage him to see a therapist. If ya'll are Christians, there are Christian therapists who can help him uncover the blocks that may be hindering him from moving forward.

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Mirella Caro-CortesHelping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive

https://counselchat.com/therapists/mirella-caro-cortes

For you and your fiance to move past this, he needs to accept you just the way you are.  Being that you mentioned that you both come from a Christian background, maybe you could start there, he needs to forgive and trust your love for him.  His insecurities stem from something bigger than you not being a virgin.  Since this is the man, you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, be patient and help him find the help he needs.  Talk about your commitment to him and reassure him that your history does not have to affect your relationship.  Lastly, Pre-Marital Counseling can help you and him to open up about other things that might affect the marriage later.God Bless You Both, Mirella~

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

David Mora- M.A. LPCA helpful listening ear

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-mora-m-a-lpc

You might ask your fiance about people who have let him down in the past; past hurts from parents, friends, people he has dated. If you are speaking about jealousy he may come from a divorced parent upbringing, may have seen parents cheat on one or the other, may have had partners cheat on him in the past.  He may have fears that you may go off the "straight and narrow" once you get married. Listen to any concerns with patience and understanding, avoid being defensive. I would highly encourage pre-marital counseling to explore these things and individual counseling for himself to work on fears and anxieties. If he refuses and things do not improve I would consider postponing the wedding, things will not get better once you get married, only magnified.  Finally show him Bible passages about forgiveness and worry and leaning on God with faith and hope for the future.    God bless.

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Allison VelezIs your relationship worth it?

https://counselchat.com/therapists/allison-velez

You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue.  You cannot change that for him.  He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own.  What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't "fix" this for him.  When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this:  Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today.  The person they claim to love.  If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that.  Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through.  Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!Hope that helps, Allison

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Cory Ian Shafer LPCPsychotherapist, Jungian, Hypnotherapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

This suffering and clinging to the past, especially a troubled past or a past that we dont like, may be  amplified due to the Christian framework that may be built into your life. I am not averse to religion, i just think that many times it puts unreasonable expectations on us and helps us to form a guilt complex or perhaps even insecurities, we are humans and humans make mistakes. you mention the straight and narrow, this is a notion that you must give up on and let go, humans can never travel the straight and narrow for their whole lives there are bounds to be mistakes, we are the most fallible species on the planet and please tell your fiance to have some mercy on himself, he is not perfect. Here is a story about clinging on to things you may find useful to mediate on:Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -- young and old, rich and poor, good and evil -- the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom." The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!" But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks. Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more. And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!" And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure." But they cried the more, "Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior.

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Your patience with his pace of accepting your past, is the factor most in your control in this situation.Everyone accepts a new understanding at their own particular rate.  Yours may be faster than his pace.Since it is possible he may accelerate his pace of accepting your past if he knows that this is a priority for you, tell him about your own discomfort .Even if knowing how you feel does not motivate him to a quicker pace of accepting your past, you will have the peace of mind to know you gave him all the information you possibly had to give.

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here

https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-teixeira-lcsw

Sometimes we have difficulty keeping the past in the past. The best way to build a great relationship and have a great future, believe it or not, is to be firmly placed in the present. That means that when we stay in the moment with our partner and can notice what we are experiencing in the here and now we reap the best benefits of that relationship. We notice the good things that are happening in the moment. We are reacting to what we are experiencing in the moment, not reacting to a worry about the past. We notice, especially, who the person is right now and not who they were in the past.  We can connect with the things we love about them, too.I think it is great that you want to help him and the choice to stay in the present and move forward in the relationship will mostly be up to him. We cannot change another person. It sounds like couples counseling might be a great step for you because you can both learn the skills you need to stay in the present and also learn some helpful "active listening" skills so that you can really listen to one another and understand each other. Communication skills can really be helpful. You can both have the opportunity to hear each other and support each other. We cannot change the past, but we can create the future we want.Best of luck to you both!

How can I help my fiancé accept and let go of my past?

My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-fianc-accept-and-let-go-of-my-past

spirituality

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fiancé wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fiancé feel that way.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Jason Lynch, MS, LMHC, LCAC, ADSIndividual & Couples Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/jason-lynch-ms-lmhc-lcac-ads

I'm so sorry to hear that you don't feel as though your family would support you in embracing your true self. Because this is a very complex situation, I would encourage you to reach out to a local therapist who specializes in treating LGBTQ+ clients. An experienced therapist can help you to explore your feelings around your gender identity and assist in facilitating a discussion with your family or help you prepare to have that conversation on your own. I would also encourage you to contact national and local resources that can be tremendous sources of support. These include the following:GLBT National Youth Talkline - 1-800-246-7743Trans Lifeline - 1-877-656-8860Trevor LIfeline, TrevorChat, TrevorText - Text CHAT to 678-678 or call 1-866-488-7386At the end of the day, there is the family we are born with and the family that we choose. Give your family a chance, but if they refuse to accept you, know that there are people in this world who will appreciate you, validate you, and love you for who you are!

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here

https://counselchat.com/therapists/toni-teixeira-lcsw

I encourage you to reach out to a counselor and get support. They can help you navigate your own feelings, and talk to you about how you can talk to your family. There are resources for you and for them and I see that some of the other counselors here have shared those resources with you. We don't know for sure how your family will react if and when you talk to them. However, it is important to consider how not telling them is limiting your life and the expression of your preferred gender. My concern is for you and how this might be having an impact on you. Working with a therapist might give you some insights into how you might tell your family. It might create an opportunity for you to also tell them with the assistance of a professional. Ultimately, you know what is best for you and telling them is your decision, and I encourage you to weigh out all the options with a therapist. I wish you the best of luck.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Fred RogersQue Sera Sera Counseling

https://counselchat.com/therapists/fred-rogers

No religion stops a person from being themselves. Gender is self-identified and not the one assigned at birth. Few families need sensitiation program for them to understand that their child is perfectly normal and gender dysphoria or gender incongruence is normal.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind

https://counselchat.com/therapists/michele-ramey

If you want to get some help in how to navigate what you want to do, contact a therapist and schedule sessions so that they can create a space to explore your choices.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Chaya LernerGrief Therapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/chaya-lerner

It’s painful to want to be what you are actually. God loves you. Despite your religious beliefs you need to be tru to yourself. Talk to a common high that you can relate to. Be you.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Valerie Kuykendall-RogersSpecializing in Reconciling, Restoring, and Renewing Relationships

https://counselchat.com/therapists/valerie-kuykendall-rogers

Hello, This is a really tough question and there are no easy answers to this, however, I can recommend that first of foremost, it is important that you learn to accept yourself. This is easier said than done, and I can acknowledge and validate that sentiment. All to well, I have worked with clients such as yourself who struggle to learn how to accept themselves in the face of what appears to be insurmountable obstacles. Nevertheless, it is POSSIBLE! It begins with finding a good counselor who can walk with you through this journey to self-acceptance. I cannot and neither can anyone guarantee that your family will change and accept you (although I have seen in my work with clients like yourself where the family has moved from intolerance to tolerance with the ultimate goal of acceptance), it does not mean that some change is possible. As stated earlier, I highly recommend that you talk with a counselor, psychologist, psychotherapist, etc. who specializes in this area.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Reanna WaughWaugh's Holistic Wellness Center

https://counselchat.com/therapists/reanna-waugh

I understand that this must be a difficult time for you with many adjustments. If you feel comfortable enough to ask your parents to see a Life Coach or a therapist, this may be an excellent place to start. You don’t need to tell them the reason why maybe say that you simply need someone to talk to for support with school or homework etc. The Life Coach or therapist would be the optimal person to advise you on how to proceed with providing support and guidance. There may be someone at your school whom you could talk to for confidential support and guidance as well. Be confident in the fact that you are not alone and there are always responsible adults available to guide you through any difficult process you may experience in life. Talking to family about personal issues can be difficult for anyone, even adults. I recommend getting help from a trusted, professional adult before you decide what to do.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-timothy-paul

Desire to inhabit the opposite sex's body derives from too fast of a re-entry into a new (feminine) body, after being released in a previous life, from an old (masculine) body.You remember the previous life's connection with the masculine experience and body, and wish to find a way to be more comfortable.We will approach this matter, spiritually, and I reckon you'll feel a great deal better :)

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Christina McGrath Fair"Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean." -Thich Nhat Hanh

https://counselchat.com/therapists/christina-mcgrath-fair

It is really important for you to be comfortable with your identity. With that said, it is also so important for you to be safe. It may be helpful for you to find supports (in your life, community, or online) that you can talk about how you feel and potentially gain supportive persons if your family does not accept you. It will be really important to connect with others and even a counselor to help you.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Keyonne Spencer, MS, LPCEnriching the lives of couples, individuals and families.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/keyonne-spencer-ms-lpc

Chances are your family already knows, they are probably just waiting on confirmation from you to say it. A parent knows their child.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Steve Termath, MA, LPCC, NCCLet's regain control! Comfort zones can be the breeding grounds of failure.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/steve-termath-ma-lpcc-ncc

Spirituality for those in the LGBTQ community can be one of the more difficult roads. Unfortunately, many unjustly ostracize members of the LGBTQ community away from faith and spirituality. I believe that folks can embrace the identity that is genuine to them, and still maintain their spiritual beliefs! Briefly, the keys are to first monitor how we allow those in our life to influence our thoughts and emotions. We need to create standards and boundaries to protect ourselves. We also need to not project the judgment of other people onto our individual spiritual beliefs! There are many ways in which to tackle this effort!

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Ultimately, to suppress your natural identity will work against you.However difficult, painful, frightening, it is to tell your family about your discovery about who you are, trying to avoid your own truth will do you harm eventually.One way to make this conversation easier for yourself is to prepare yourself for the outcomes you expect and know will be difficult.Take as much time as you need to accept the potential rejection because this way iff and when it comes you will be better able to handle it.

I want to be a boy but I can't because of my religion

I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-to-be-a-boy-but-i-can-t-because-of-my-religion

spirituality

Lindsey Brooks, PhD PsychologistProgressive Therapy San Francisco

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lindsey-brooks-phd-psychologist

First of all, I want to say, I am so sorry you are not feeling accepted by your family. I know how  isolating and lonely this can be. The most important step you can take right now is building a community of supportive people who do accept you. Creating your own sense of community is very powerful for helping you love yourself. If you can find a trans support or LGBTQ support group in your area, I recommend seeking that out right away through your local LGBTQ center or PFLAG. If you don’t have access to that, I recommend calling Trans Lifeline US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366 https://www.translifeline.org/. You can talk to other trans-identified people anonymously for support, calling them from wherever you feel safe. This is a great way to begin to connect with other people who have similar experiences to you. Next, think of this time in your life as your time to explore your gender identity, just for yourself. Make room to explore you gender identity in ways that are private and comfortable for you. Consider reading a book like: https://www.newharbinger.com/queer-and-transgender-resilience-workbook to explore who you are and build resilience. Also, consider learning about other religions that are accepting of LGBTQ folks for another perspective - there are many out there! Once you feel you have a strong support system outside of your family and a positive sense of self-love (which can take time, be patient, don’t rush it), then you can consider what action steps you want to take with your family. If you are still living with your family or financially depend on them, having other supports in place first is very important. It’s a very personal choice how you want to navigate your family relationships, talk it through in-depth with a trusted friend, other trans folks, or therapist to help you decide what’s right for you.And remember, there are tons of people out there who will love and accept you. We are rooting for you!In solidarity,-Lindsey

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Margaret Van AckerenMA, LMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda

What exactly is it that you are looking for? Different people define themselves in different ways. For example, one person may define himself by his values and morals while another identifies herself by her personality and characteristics. Still, another person may define himself by his interests and hobbies. Learning who you are as a person can take time and life experience. At the same time, who you are may change according to what experiences you have had and how you have dealt with them or felt about them. Try viewing the journey of finding yourself as exciting and ongoing. Allow yourself to feel emotions and learn how they relate to the experiences you have. This may help you to know more about what you value, what you like and dislike, and what you want for yourself in life. Best of luck to you!

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Cory Ian Shafer LPCPsychotherapist, Jungian, Hypnotherapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

This is perhaps the deepest question that one can ask of themselves and the answer is as elusive as the deepest enigma. We are fluid beings, we are never the same from day to day, we learn or unlearn, we evolve or some of us even devolve, we are in a state of constant flux, changing and adapting, like a cloud in the sky that has its shape changed by the wind, life whittles us away and carves us constantly, trying to understand this question is like trying to bite your own teeth, however we can have a sense of what we would call our core and to understand the core, we need to live and to experience, but also to think deeply, analytically, and critically, by engaging with life we get a sense that we are like the Earth itself, inside of us there is a core, just as there is inside our planet but our continents shift and change over time, like those continents so does our own nature shift throughout our lives.

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Because you put this under the category of spirituality, I'm not sure whether you are asking how you find yourself as far as religious or spiritual beliefs or overall.If you are talking about learning more about religious or spirituality, consider either going to or speaking with someone who is involved with a nondenominational church service (the Salvation Army usually has something) so you can discuss questions or ideas that you may have.As far as finding yourself in general, I suggest considering what makes you happy and/or comfortable. I also wonder if looking at the list of values here may be helpful to you: http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Dr. Melissa ValentinaHonor Yourself and Live Your Truth

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-melissa-valentina

This quiet wonder that you have is something you can easily explore. There is a part of you that you can access anytime, anywhere. It is the part that has always been with you. Find a quiet place where you can be alone for a while and get comfortable. Settle in. Let your thoughts go by like a river. Stay with that connection for a while. What you find in the silence is yours alone, your "you".

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Betsy SansbyWhen something needs to change

https://counselchat.com/therapists/betsy-sansby-3

The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Wendy BangerterAwarefull; an evolution of Mindfulness

https://counselchat.com/therapists/wendy-bangerter

Three years ago I attended a week long meditation retreat. By the fifth day I noticed I was light headed and felt very strange. I began to realize within my own being an experience of no separation. I would see others at the retreat and smile. I loved them all. I could feel the connection with this awareness I had read about but never truly understood until that moment. I remember understanding all the teachings I had learned throughout my life about a god who existed outside of me. I realized I had all these answeres within my own being and so did everyone else. I began to see everyone as not just capable but powerful loving beings. Since this experience it has been my desire for everyone to become conscious within whatever experience they wish. I do this in many ways. At our studio we combine Mental Health with yoga and meditation as well as nutrition counseling to help people come to their optimal selves. To truly come into a state of "finding yourself," is to start to know and own who you are from a state of solid being. In this there is nothing new under the sun, and it is very simple. I would love to teach you and anyone interested in coming into a state of awake conciousness.  The more awake we are the more joyful we are. I live in this state of being and demonstrate it in my daily life.

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma

Therapy may be an effective way for you to get a stronger sense of who you are. A competent therapist will work to create a safe and curious therapeutic relationship in which you can explore your identity. There are also many different exercises which you can do in and out of therapy which you may find helpful in this area as well.

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Start by giving yourself enough quiet and time to remember about yourself what feels steady and consistent in your nature and interactions with others.Give yourself the freedom to your interest in having interests.  Are you motivated because of competing with others or because an activity itself feels satisfying?If you are able to develop a sense of defining yourself without fear of judging yourself, you will start coming close to knowing who you are.

How do I find myself?

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself

spirituality

Janice HarrietA student going through the same shit you are.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/janice-harriet

I'm having the same issue... I think you need to consider your morals and what you really want out of life. If there's something you want to achieve, that's who you are. And you need to put yourself into that and immerse yourself in the purpose of whatever you want. It doesn't matter how small it may seem. If there's nothing you want badly then think about other things. What others want or what you need or what others need. Find something that feels important and commit to it.

How do I cope with losing my mom

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-losing-my-mom-2

spirituality

Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc

I'm so sorry you lost your mom.  Grief is a tough process.  Usually the pain from loss doesn't go away, but changes in ways that are manageable for your life.  When most people lose someone, others offer a lot of support.  After a while that support tapers off even though your need for support doesn't.  It's important to identify people or resources that can be there for you when you are still hurting.  Do you have anyone in your life that is pretty constant?  There are also many grief support groups online (e.g., https://www.griefshare.org/), and are usually some in person depending on your area.  These may be temporarily discontinued due to the COVID-19 situation, though they may be doing these groups online as a way to offset the social distancing requirements.I know nothing about what your relationship with your mom was, the manner in which she passed, or how old you are, but many times that can come with some pretty complicated emotions.  I also don't know if you lost your mom through death--some people lose a parent via abandonment or a disease, such as dementia.  No matter what the situation is, whatever pain shows up for you is completely OK.  Many people feel much more than sadness, especially if the relationship with their loved one was problematic or if the loss was unexpected or traumatic.  It's normal to feel intense anger, guilt, feelings of disbelief, even happiness or relief.  Grief does not have the same path for everyone and whatever path you are on is not wrong.When I work with a client that has had a significant loss, there are a number of things I may work on with them.  One is letter writing.  This isn't for everybody and some people need support and guidance with this.  Sometimes there are things we feel have been unsaid and it can provide a sense of closure.  For some people it helps feel connected to that person again.  Closure is not necessary to be able to move through grief, but it can be helpful.  If the client feels it would be useful, we also try to find a way to honor that person.  That may be through talking about them, having a monthly or yearly ritual, or carrying on a tradition they enjoyed.  It also depends on the culture you come from as well.  Many different cultures have different beliefs about death and loss and the ways they think of or honor their loved one.  Stick with what you feel speaks to your heart.Of course, a counselor who specializes in grief may be a great option.  You can find someone in your area or online in your specific state that has the training for that.  Counselors without that specialization may also be able to provide you some help--I don't know any counselors who haven't had training in this area.  Counselors are usually happy to answer your questions about their qualifications.I hope this helps you find some support!

Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians?

I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-it-mean-that-he-isn-t-the-one-god-planned-for-me-if-we-had-sex-as-christians

spirituality

Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker

Having sex with your boyfriend is and was a mistake. Mistakes can be forgiven and you can make amends.But it is not the end of your relationship or God's will for you.Have a serious talk with your guy and get back on track with where you want to be. Talk to a counselor or your priest/pastor. Get someone to be your guide and mentor. Check in with them regularly.Getting back to square one could actually strengthen your relationship.Have a plan for the future where you will not be put into a place of temptation. Group dates, public places and no alone time where temptations might arise.Forgive yourself and move on.

Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me if we had sex as Christians?

I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-it-mean-that-he-isn-t-the-one-god-planned-for-me-if-we-had-sex-as-christians

spirituality

Janice HarrietA student going through the same shit you are.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/janice-harriet

I'm not a super religious person... But I can't imagine that if you love him that much and you want him that much, that he wouldn't be the one for you because of something small like that. Sex is an act of love and commitment. If you feel that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, want to marry them, then why should you have to wait until marriage? If you truly feel that this is the person you want to be with, then why would you need to wait until marriage if you're just showing commitment to each other?

I'm dating a boy that my religious parents don't like, and I'm having trouble finding my identity

I'm a young adult woman, and I have trouble finding my true identity being at home. This all started when I had a boyfriend about 10 months ago. My boyfriend and I were dating for a couple months and decided to get in to sexual acts. At the time, I was pretty religious, but I let this happen. I don't know why. I felt kind of guilty but mostly because I know my parents wouldn't like it. My parents are very religious—they're Christians. We did things every time he'd come over to my house. We didn't have anything to do at our house, so we would get tempted to do things when we'd watch movies by ourselves. One day, my parents found out I did this stuff with him because my dad read my messages. As soon as my dad found this out, he told my mom. They were both aggravated. They told me he was just a boy that wanted to get inside my pants. They said he wanted me for sex and he's not a Christian. I took their advice and broke up with him. Once we broke up for about a month, I decided to get back together with him a little after school started. My parents found out eventually, and I decided to not listen this time. I would constantly talk to my boyfriend about what they say about him: how's he's not the right one for me, and God totally forbids him. I would kind of try to break up with him, and then eventually I would just never listen to my parents. They're always yelling at me about how I shouldn't date this boy. I felt too old to listen to them. Now I'm kind of just stuck. Is the real me religious? Have I been brainwashed by him? I don't talk to my parents anymore about him, and my parents think I'm deceiving because of it. They threatened me that if I'm still with him, I can't do track and they won't support me. They've also called me slut, and now they called me basically a devil worshipper. They say my boyfriend is taking me away from my parents. I'm actually very happy with him. They also say I'm living a separate life at home than I am at school. They say they want what's best for me and love me because they adopted me.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-dating-a-boy-that-my-religious-parents-don-t-like-and-i-m-having-trouble-finding-my-identity

spirituality

Margaret Van AckerenMA, LMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda

What a tough situation you must be in, feeling torn between your parents and someone who is very special to you. I would say the first thing you want to do is (if you haven't already), have a calm reciprocal conversation with your parents, telling them how you feel and letting them know what you need from them. If communication attempts are unsucessful then you will need to make a decision with how you would like to move forward. You, unfortunately, will not be able to change your parent's feelings or opinions but you can agree to disagree on certain matters by keeping them separate from the relationship you have with your parents. It always helps to try and see things from another angle. You might want to, for example, try and understand your parent's perspectives and let them know you understand that they are upset. Validating other's feelings can be very helpful with communicating effectively. Are you living with your parents and do they support you? If so, are you willing to give that up should you decide to not follow their rules? Know that there is nothing wrong with being happy with someone or loving somebody so deeply. Your feelings and actions certainly do not make you brainwashed or a devil worshipper. Not everyone will always approve of the choices we make and sometimes we need to be okay with that. Best of luck to you.

My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences?

In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-and-family-has-different-views-about-religion-how-do-i-resolve-these-differences

spirituality

Danielle AlvarezLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/danielle-alvarez

I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction. There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial. Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues. Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential.

My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences?

In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-and-family-has-different-views-about-religion-how-do-i-resolve-these-differences

spirituality

Mark Morris, LCSWTherapist and Author of Living Yes

https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans

You have an opportunity, but you haven't described a problem.  (Are you creating one?)  Many families have various members who have different spiritual beliefs and religious practices.  Accepting the idea that those with whom we are close may be different from us is the only way to create a world of peace.   This may be a wonderful opportunity to practice tolerance and love.  If mutual decisions need to be made in religious contexts, you may also get to practice boundary setting, assertiveness (without aggression), communication skills, and loving kindness.  This is a great problem to work through!  It is indeed a very spiritual question.  Blessings to you all, ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)

My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?

There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life. I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40. Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away. How can I get my life back?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-past-is-holding-me-back-from-my-future-how-can-i-get-my-life-back

trauma

Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-meredyth-lawrynce

How does holding on to this serve you? Not becoming married to the trauma will be key.  Recreating your life and what that means, what you want it to be. Considering who you would be, what would life be like had this not occurred, not letting it usurp your life. Take your power back.  Releasing any feelings of resentment,   shame, regret. Going as far as to grieve and forgive what could have been and this part of your life history, life story.  If you are open you can write a letter saying what you are still feeling and you can choose even to write the response you would love to receive, and then release it by burning it (safely) or throwing it away! It’s a daily practice, to find peace around this. Have you ever considered the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Hot yoga?

My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?

There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life. I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40. Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away. How can I get my life back?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-past-is-holding-me-back-from-my-future-how-can-i-get-my-life-back

trauma

Elena Engle, LMHC, EMDRVery Good Counseling

https://counselchat.com/therapists/elena-engle-lmhc-emdr

Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events.

My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?

There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life. I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40. Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away. How can I get my life back?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-past-is-holding-me-back-from-my-future-how-can-i-get-my-life-back

trauma

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

I understand and just so you know you can move forward ,  Break the glass.  In your own time.  If this new person is right for you they will stay around .  You want someone that can walk the path forward with you in relationships if seeking commitment.  If not maybe this person is here to help or if it is reminding you then you need seek answers.  Get a tarot reading or a crystal reading find out what is around to help guide you.  Talk to a spiritual advisor.  ✨🙏

My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?

There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life. I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40. Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away. How can I get my life back?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-past-is-holding-me-back-from-my-future-how-can-i-get-my-life-back

trauma

Jason PolkI help couples get along better!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/jason-polk

There is a modality developed by Pia Mellody called "Post induction therapy" (PIT). The work has been continued by Jan Bergstrom who wrote the book: "Gifts From A Challenging Childhood. The premise of the work is that you can "reparent" those wounded parts of you. A quote from Jan's book is, "If it's hysterical, it's historical." I've done this sort of work myself and its been hugely beneficial for my relationship. The idea is when "triggered" by my partner, I'm going to request space and affirm, validate and even love that younger part of myself that's hurting and remind them that I (as the functional adult I am) can handle my partner.  Basically, I'm practicing getting in a more centered space and thus, I'm able to be more relational. This is a practice, but the idea is to provide some separation from the trigger and an automatic reaction. You can do it, especially if you love him and he's worth it.

My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?

There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life. I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40. Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away. How can I get my life back?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-past-is-holding-me-back-from-my-future-how-can-i-get-my-life-back

trauma

Fred RogersQue Sera Sera Counseling

https://counselchat.com/therapists/fred-rogers

Unresolved issues/ Unresolved past - using Gestalt therapy, one does gets a closure to their unresolved emotions. Try talking to a therapist !