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fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_01x04

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(Opens seeing Meredith through a rain covered window into her bedroom) MVO: Intimacy is a four-syllable word for, "Here are my heart and soul. (Meredith is writing check to Roseridge home for extended care) MVO: Please grind them into hamburger and enjoy." (Meredith licks envelope) MVO: It's both desired and feared, (Izzie walks into bathroom, George is in the shower) MVO: difficult to live with... George: Uh, excuse me! Excuse me! (Izzie is brushing teeth and walks out) MVO: ...and impossible to live without. (George peeks out shower) George: Is that my toothbrush?! (Meredith is flipping through pictures and stops on one of little girl in wagon, with man and woman standing around it) MVO: Intimacy also comes attached to life's three R's: Relatives, romance and roommates. (Izzie walks in wearing her underwear and t-shirt and brushing her teeth) Izzie: Coffee? MVO: There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know. Meredith (to Izzie): Hello, kitty. (Seattle scenes) (Screen flashes 4:30 am and siren wails in the background) (Seattle Grace parking lot, everyone getting out of Meredith's jeep) George: You don't understand. Me gonads, you ovaries. Izzie: Oh, that reminds me. We are out of tampons. George: You're parading through the bathroom in your underwear when I'm naked in the shower. Izzie: Can you add it to your list, please? George: What?! Izzie: Tampons Meredith: To the list, it's your turn. George (yelling): I am a man! I don't buy girl products! I don't want you walking in while I'm in the shower, and I don't want to see you in your underwear. Izzie: It doesn't bother me, ok? Look at me in my underwear, George. Take your time. It's no big deal. (Interns are entering hospital; car alarm beeps in the background) (SGH locker room, interns are standing around, getting dressed and ready for pre-rounds) Bailey: You are the first person they see in the morning. You say please. You say thank you. You apologize for waking them up. (Alex enters, late and gets a glare from Bailey) Bailey: You make them feel good about you. Why is that important? Cause then they'll talk to you and tell you what's wrong. Why is that important? Because then you can tell you're attending what they need to know during rounds. And why is that important? Because if you make your resident look bad, she'll torture you until you beg for your mama. Now get out there. I want pre-rounds done be 5:30 am. Alex (to Izzie): Morning, Dr. Model. Izzie: Dr. Evil Spawn. Alex: (shines light on Izzie stomach) Ooh, nice tat. They airbrush that out for that catalogs? Izzie: I don't know. What do they do for the 666 on your skull? Alex: Ooo Meredith (to Cristina): I'd better get good patients today. Yesterday I had two guys with colostomies who needed dressing changes every 15 minutes. Cristina: I'm gonna be in surgery. Today's my day. Meredith: On what? Cristina: Like I'd tell you. Meredith: What do you know? Cristina: I know that I was here at 4:00 and you didn't get here till 4:30. Meredith: Tell me. Cristina: No. I'm not the intern who's screwing an attending. Meredith: I am not screw... (Leaves locker room and runs into Derek) Meredith (to Derek): You're here early. Derek: I have a chordotomy at 5:00. I'll be out at 6:00. I thought I might buy your breakfast before your rounds. Meredith: I've already eaten. Derek: What'd you have? Meredith: None of your business. Derek: You a cereal person? Straight out of the box? Or all fruit and fiber-y? (He laughs) Pancakes? Do you like pancakes? Meredith: Fine, leftover grilled cheese. Curiosity satisfied? Derek: That's sad. It's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast. Meredith: Look, I'm not being seen with you in this hospital. Learn it, live it. It's unprofessional. Derek: I'm just an attending getting to know one of his interns. Meredith: He slept with the intern Derek: Barely knew her. Meredith: And it should stay that way. Derek: You want me to be professional? I'll be professional. Meredith: That's what I want. Derek: Then that's what you get. Meredith: You're gonna be late for your chordotomy. Derek: Nice talking to you, Dr. Grey. (Bailey at desk) Bailey: Anyone seen the floor chart on the new admission? (Cristina opens door, flips on light to a room) Woman: You always come in like that, bang the light on? Cristina: You're Elizabeth Fallon? Liz: What does my chart say? Cristina: It says you used to be a nurse here. Liz: A scrub nurse Cristina: And you have abdominal mass consistent with pancreatic cancer. Liz: Oh, and you are hoping they're gonna give me a Whipple. Pancreatic duodectomy. This hospital sees those maybe once every six months. That's why you got here at 4:30, huh? Cristina: 4:00 Liz: Grabbed my chart before anybody else could see it. Impress Dr. Burke with your pre-round exam so you'd be the logical intern for him to ask to scrub in. Ha-Ha! I know all the tricks, doctor. Cristina: Yang. Cristina Yang. Liz: I'll call you Cristina. You call me Nurse Fallon. (Scene: Izzie entering Mr. Humphrey's room, quietly) Izzie: My Humphrey? Mr. Humphrey, I'm sorry to wake you. Mr. Humphrey: Come on. What time is it? Izzie: Ten after 5. I'm sorry. I just need to do a brief exam. If you could sit up for one moment. Thanks. This might be a little bit cold, so just take a deep breath. If you could just take a deep breath. Mr. Humphrey: You're not a doctor. Izzie: I'm Dr. Stevens but you can call me Izzie. I'll be helping Dr. Bailey with your biopsy this morning. Mr. Humphrey: No, I don't think so, no. Izzie: Mr. Humphrey, this will just take a moment. (Mr. Humphrey digs around on nightstand.) Mr. Humphrey: No, get me Dr. Bailey or Dr. Victor. Izzie: I just need to do a brief Mr. Humphrey: You don't need to do anything. Is this you? (Opens magazine to photo spread of Izzie in her underwear) Mr. Humphrey: Huh? Is this you? It is, isn't it? You know, get out of my room. Izzie: Mr. Humphrey Mr. Humphrey: Get out of my room. (Izzie leaves) (George and Meredith walking through hallway) George: There need to be some rules. Meredith: So, what, we can walk around in our underwear on alternate Tuesdays, or you could see bras but not panties? Or are you talking Amish rules? Because if you think you're gonna get Izzie to cover herself George: The amount of flesh exposed is not the point. You have to do something. It's your house. Meredith: It's my mother's house. George: Meredith Meredith: Do you like Izzie? Is that what this is about? Do you have a crush on Izzie? George: Izzie? No. I don't like Izzie. Izzie no. She's not the one I'm attracted to. Meredith: Not the one. So, there's a one. George: This is not...Look, there just have to be some rules. (Enter hallway, Bailey is at a desk) Bailey: O'Malley, Grey, get Karev and head down to Trauma. Shepherd needs you. Meredith: Shepherd's in surgery. Bailey: He got pulled before he could start. (Interns exiting elevator and enter trauma room) Meredith: Those look like Derek: Nails. (Show x-ray screen of man with 7 nails in his head) Man: I can't see my hands. George: Oh my God! He's conscious. Alex: Breathe deeply George. You won't pass out. Derek: Use 4 mg's of morphine. Titrate up to 10. You know what? I don't want him to move. Man: I can't see. Meredith: It's ok. We need you to be very still, Mr Doctor: Cruz, Jorge Cruz. He tripped and fell down a flight of stairs holding a nail gun. Alex: Sick. Derek: Somehow he managed to miss a blood vessel. That's a minor miracle. Optic nerve's been affected. Can you feel this? Numbness on his right side. What's our immediate concern? Meredith: Infection. Derek: Right. I wanna be pulling these nails out in the next half-hour. I need a CT. Doctor: CT's are down. Derek: What? Doctor: They exchanged them out last night. Computer's crashed; have them back up by 1:00. Derek: So typical. So what are the options? George: An MRI? Derek: No! Alex: Brilliant. The man's got nails in his head. Let's put him in a giant magnet. You want films from three axis points and a C-arm in surgery. Derek: Excellent! You guys dig up research and find out if this has ever happened before. Go! Jorge: My wife, my wife, my wife. Doctor: She's on the way. Meredith: Your wife is on the way, Mr. Cruz. Derek: Stay with him, keep him calm and look for changes. Jorge: Ohh. I can't see. (Nurse Fallon's room, Cristina is presenting rounds) Cristina: Fifty-five-year-old woman with adenocarcinoma of the pancreas. Has had radiation therapy to reduce the tumor load. Rates her abdominal pain three out of ten. Positive nausea, but no vomiting. Diarrhea, hematochazia, melena, afebrile with T-max 37-2 and stable vital signs. Lab significant for a total ability of seven and elevated liver enzymes. Burke: Thank you, Dr. Yang. Liz: Aggressive little witch, isn't she? She stole my chart during pre-rounds so she could scrub in on my surgery. She's hoping for a Whipple. Chief Webber: Well, actually, Liz, I was gonna give you to Meredith Grey. Liz: Ellis's daughter? Chief Webber: Yes, she's an intern this year. Thought you'd have something to talk about. Liz: Oh, I doubt that. I was Ellis's scrub nurse for 18 years, practically lived with that woman. I didn't meet that daughter once. Burke: Well, anyway, Shepherd has her on the guy with the nails in his head. Cristina: There's a guy with nails in his head? Burke: Seven of them. Shot himself in the head with a nail gun. Cristina: "Nail" nails? Burke: Sixteen pennies, three and a half inches long. Cristina: Wait, and he's still alive? Burke: Fully conscious. Should be a pretty interesting surgery. Chief Webber: But I guess you've got the Whipple. Burke: I'm gonna need a full blood work-up and abdominal CT. Chief Webber: CT's are down this morning. Burke: Then an MRI. She needs an enema, an ERCP for a stent and brush biopsy this afternoon. Chief Webber: Take care of her. Liz is an institution around here. (Burke and Webber leave) Liz: Good call doctor. Grey's got the human two-by-four, and you have the institution in need of an enema. (Scene Jorge's trauma room) Meredith: You'd say your healths been good recently? Jorge: Maybe some headaches. Nothing compared to now. Sona, that's my wife. Sona, she'll say "Why you think they call it a gun, moron?" She hates the damn things. Meredith: With good reason. (Derek and Sona enter) Sona: Baby? Jorge: Sona. You are in so much trouble. Derek: Get a history from her before you scrub in. Meredith: Ok. Derek: Thank you. (Research room) George: 23. People have been accidentally shot in the head with nails 23 times. Alex: One was attempted suicide, doesn't count. George: Oh, so he pointed a nail gun at his head on purpose? That makes me feel better. Alex: So, uh, Grey and Stevens really walk around in their underwear? George: Not all the time. I mean, some of the time, you know. But not all the time. Alex: Sexy underwear? George: Yeah, I mean Alex: And they just, uh, let you look at them? George: Well, uh yeah. Alex: Like sisters. George: No, well, not like sisters. (Laughs) I don't think of them as sisters. Alex: But they're not coming on to you. George: Not exactly. Alex: They don't expect you to do anything. George: No. But Alex: Like sisters. Just like sisters. (Bailey enters scrub room) Bailey: Is he prepped? Izzie: I think they're doing it right now. Bailey: You think? He's having a prostate biopsy. Trust me. If you'd been in there, you'd know. (Bailey enters and after a minute Izzie follows) Bailey: Ok, Mr. Humphrey. We're gonna get started. Mr. Humphrey: Get her out of here. I want her out of here! Just get her out of here! Bailey: Wait, Mr. Humphrey. Mr. Humphrey: Just you go! Now! Just go now! (Izzie leaves) Bailey: Hey, relax! Relax, Mr. Humphrey. (Hospital hallway) Sona: Will he be able to see again? Meredith: We won't know until the nails come out. Sona: Did he tell you he takes photos? Beautiful photos. It's his hobby. I just got him a new digital camera now he can't stop, you know? He always has it out, always taking pictures of me. Meredith: Jorge said he's been having headaches. Can you tell me about them? Have they been recent? Sona: Um I'm not sure. Maybe the last couple of months. Meredith: Have you seen him experience any dizziness or disorientation? Sona: Yes, yes, I have. Meredith: Ok. (Bailey exits room, Izzie is waiting in the hall) Bailey: You want to tell me what that was all about? Izzie: Nothing. He's probably just crazy or something. (Pause) Bethany Whisper. Bailey: What? Izzie: Bethany Whisper. I did a new Bethany Whisper lingerie ad. He saw it in a magazine. Bailey: You got time to pose for magazines? Izzie: No, the shoot was last year. It just came out. Bailey: So because he saw you in a thong Izzie: It wasn't a thong. Bailey: you're hiding out in the hallway. Izzie: I just think it might be easier if you assign another intern. Bailey: Easy is not in your job description. You are a doctor. He is a patient. He's your patient. Biopsy these. If they come back positive, I expect to see you in surgery. (Pause) Hey, you're on this. You understand me? (Scene scrub room for Derek's OR) Derek: Vertiginous or light-headedness? Meredith: Light-headed. Sometimes he'd have to brace himself to get out of bed. Derek: Could be a million things. Simple orthostasis. What? Meredith: What made him fall down the stairs with a nail gun? Derek: He said he tripped. Just because you hear hoof beats, don't assume zebras. Meredith: Something caused him to lose consciousness and fall down the stairs. He could have a tumor. Derek: Look, I have no idea why this guy's still alive, let alone moving and talking. Not a clue. Let's just get him through this before we start digging around for something else. (Into phone) Shepherd. 23 cases? Alex: One as attempted suicide. Derek: Yeah, that doesn't count. Talk about procedure. George: Biggest problems were bleeding and infection but the odds improved with shorter surgery times. Alex: Bottom line was get them out quickly and watch for bleeding. Derek: I got it. Other words, I'm on my own. (Research room, George gets up to leave, Alex is flipping through a magazine) George: You coming? Alex: Dude, I don't need an escort. Go. Go ahead. (George leaves) Well, well, well. Dr. Bethany Whisper. That's so nice. (SGH parking lot) (Scene copy machine, Alex making copies while whistling and humming.) (Jorge's OR) Jorge: She had this thing for red when we met. Red car, red dresses, red hats. Personally, I hated the color. Too obvious, you know? But a couple years ago, I took her up to the mountains. She was in a red dress, and there was this field of red poppies, I think. And she jumped out of the car and ran into them and started laughing laughing at all the red. (Dr. Bailey leaving Mr. Humphrey's room) Bailey: The good news is it hasn't spread from his prostate to his lymph nodes. Dr. Victor: With a radical prostatectomy, we could probably get it all. Good prognosis. Bailey: Spare some nerves? Give him a chance at a normal s*x life? Dr. Victor: Young puppies like to take chances with cancer. Old dogs like me, we do what works. Bailey: Yes, sir, of course. Dr. Victor: We on the schedule tomorrow? Bailey: 10:00 am Dr. Victor: Good. Maybe I can squeeze in a round. (Dr. Victor walks away) Bailey: An ass who deals in Asses. We call him "Limp Harry." He never spares the nerves. (Jorge's OR) Chief Webber: As you can see, the patient has shot seven nails directly into the skull without doing significant damage other than the optic nerve, and we may be able to save that. The idea is to remove the nails at exactly the angle they entered. Any wiggle, and we risk doing more damage than when they went in. (Gallery) Cristina: Where are they? Move over. George: They're just pulling them out. Hey, I heard you got a Whipple. Cristina: A maybe Whipple. Burke is running my butt off. Oh, man. Look at those films! Alex: (Evil laugh) It's Hellraiser (OR) Woman: Maybe try to an 87. Man: Small increase then it will stabilize. (Derek pulls out nail) Derek: Gelfoam. Nurse: Here you go. (Gallery) Cristina: There goes the third grade. Burke: Dr. Yang did you put in the blood work? Cristina: Oh, right before I got here. Burke: Hmm. Take her to Radiology for the MRI. Beep me when you're done. (Cristina sighs) You want the Whipple, right? Cristina: Yeah. (Cristina leaves, Izzie enters) Cristina: Hey. Izzie: Hey. Here. My share of the grocery money. When are you going? George: Tonight. Izzie: Ok, seriously, George. Please don't George: Yeah, could we not talk about it here? Izzie: What, tampons? George: Did you not hear a word I said? Izzie: You're a man. We know. Alex: Talk about shrinking the salamander. (Scene: Elevator) Liz: I always divided surgeons into two categories: Those that remember the names of their patients and those who didn't. They all remember their surgeries, of course. Every damn suture. Cristina: But the good ones remember the names, right? Liz: I didn't say that. Now, some of the best ones, you know, distance themselves on purpose. They believe that the personal stuff clouds the medicine. Woman: Hi, Liz. Liz: Hey. Cristina: But? I'm waiting for the "but." I'm sure there's a big fat qualifier coming. Man: Hey, Liz. Liz: Hey! Man: Looking good. Liz: Oh you liar! Man 2: How you doing honey? Liz: Oh fabulous, just fabulous. Woman 2: Hey, Liz. Liz: Hey. Man 3: Hey, Liz. (Jorge's OR) Derek: Bleeding? Doctor: It's clean. Derek: All right. Way to go, team. Good job, everybody. Thank you. I don't think we made it worse. The big question is the optic nerve. We'll know in the morning. Meredith: Should I order the MRI? Derek: He needs to stabilize. We'll do it tomorrow. (Hallway exiting gallery) Man: One of the most amazing things I ever saw Cristina: Is it over? Hey, is it over? Man 2: Yeah, it's over. (Cristina stops to read OR board) Cristina (loudly): Hey, does Burke have a Whipple scheduled? (Another hallway) Cristina: Dr. Burke, I wanted to know if you've seen Nurse Fallon's labs. Burke: I have. Cristina: They're getting worse. The stent doesn't seem to be helping her jaundice. Burke: No. Cristina: Should we be doing something? Burke: We are. Cristina: Oh, I noticed you didn't have the Whipple on the board. Do you want me to schedule it for you? Burke: I want to see the results of her biopsy, and have a look at her overnight labs. Cristina: Overnight? Burke: You're on-call, right? Cristina: Um sure, yeah. Burke: Well, good. Stick with her. Cristina: Well, you're still doing the surgery, right? Y-you're still doing the Whipple? Burke: The woman has pancreatic cancer, Dr. Yang. We're gonna do something. Cristina: Ok. Ok. (Nurse Fallon's room) Liz: Kiss the baby for me. Woman: I will. Get some sleep, Liz. Liz: Ok. Good night. Woman: See you later, hon. Man: Bye-bye Liz. (Meredith enters) Liz: Oh. Your mom's a bigger woman. Meredith: You were her scrub nurse. Liz: Liz Fallon. Come in. Meredith: Meredith Grey. She wanted me to send her regards. Liz: That doesn't sound like her. Meredith: Excuse me? Liz: Well, the Ellis Grey I know didn't have regards for anyone except Ellis Grey. But you know that already, don't you? Where is she now? Meredith: Traveling. Liz: Traveling? Meredith: Yeah. Liz: Huh. Is she practicing? Meredith: Not so much. Liz: Oh. Doesn't sound like her, either. She was all work, just like me. She never left the hospital. But you know that, too, don't you? Is she well? Meredith: She's fine. Liz: Good. Meredith: Just wanted to send her regards. Take care. Liz: Yeah. (Meredith and Ellis at the rest home) Meredith: I think there were taken at the old house. (Opens photo album) There's you in your scrubs. Ellis: Who is that? Meredith: That's dad. Ellis: Who? Meredith: Your husband. Thatcher Grey. You called him Thatch. Ellis: Thatch. Meredith: That's the red wagon he got me for my birthday. I'm about four years old in this photo. This is your family. Ellis: Sure, sure. Meredith: I saw Liz Fallon at the hospital today. Ellis: (Laughing) Liz. I love her. How is she? Is she still a scrub nurse? She was excellent. (Bathroom at Meredith's house, George is in the shower, Izzie is in her underwear) Izzie: I reminded you before you went. George: I forgot when I got there. Izzie: No, no. You were so passive-aggressive. (Opens shower door) George: Naked. I am naked in the shower. Izzie: They're just tampons, George. I really need d tampons. God! (Meredith enters) I'm not riding in the same car with him. Meredith: Unless you're going like that, you're not riding with me. (Opens cabinet) Where are the tampons? Izzie: He didn't buy them. Meredith: You didn't buy them? George: Men don't buy tampons. Izzie: You know what. You are gonna have to get over the man thing, George. We're women! We have vaginas! Get used to it. George: I am not your sister. (Scene: SGH hallway) Derek: Grilled cheese again? Meredith: Cold pizza. Derek: Is he awake? Meredith: Even better. Derek: Really? Let's see what his nurse says. (Enters Jorge's room) Hi, Sona, Jorge. How are you this morning? Sona: Tell them what color my dress is, Jorge. Jorge: I'd know the answer to that even if I couldn't see. (Scene: SGH entryway) Izzie: I'm taking the elevator. Take the stairs. George: I was going to anyway. Izzie: Good! Hold it. Thank you. (Elevator is full of men laughing) What? (Elevator doors close and there is a picture of Izzie as Bethany Whisper on the doors) [SCENE_BREAK] (Scene: Cristina enters Nurse Fallon's room) Liz: You don't wake a patient like that. What do I have to do to get through to you? Cristina: Cut me some slack. I was on call last night. I didn't get much sleep. Liz: Oh, stop whining. You'd rather be here, and you know it. What you got waiting for you at home? Boyfriend? Cristina: Nope. Liz: A girlfriend? Cristina: Nope. Liz: A pet? Family? Cristina: A bed. Liz: We got plenty of beds here. I don't feel sorry for you. This is who we are. This is our lives. You tell her, Dr. Burke. Cristina: Can I talk to you? (Another hallway) Man: Hey, come on, come on. Man 2: Let's go. Man 3: What's going on? Woman: Excuse me. What's going on? (George tries to block Izzie from entering locker room) Izzie: George, stop. (Izzie enters locker room to find pictures or her posted all over. There is whistling and cheering.) Alex: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh! We have Bethany Whisper in our locker room. Oh, boy, I guess they do airbrush out the tattoo, don't they? Izzie: You want to see it? You really want to see it? Fine. (Takes off coat) Let's look at that tattoo up close and personal, shall we? (Takes off shirt) And what are these? Oh, my God! Breasts! How does anybody practice medicine hauling these things around? (Takes hair down) And what do we got back here? Let's see if I remember my anatomy. (Takes pants off) Glutes, right? Let's study them, shall we? Gather around and check out the booty that put Izzie Stevens through med school. Have you had enough or should I continue? Because I have a few more very interesting tattoos. (Alex looks ashamed) You want to call me Dr. Model? That's fine. Just remember that while you're sitting on 200 grand of student loans I'm out of debt. (Storms off) George: I'll take them down. Izzie: Don't bother. (Scene: Jorge's room) Derek: Can you tell me what you had for breakfast on Monday? Jorge: Cheese omelet. And on Sunday. And on Saturday. And on Friday. Sona gets up every morning and makes me a cheese omelet. Sona: It's the only thing he likes. Jorge: It's the only thing you know how to cook. Derek: Ok, well, things look good. But I need Jorge to get an MRI this morning to check for residual bleeding. Ok? (Scene: Izzie enters Mr. Humphrey's room and puts a Bethany Whisper picture down.) Izzie: This is who I was. It has nothing to do with who I am now. I'm a physician, a surgeon. And I am just as qualified as any other intern on this floor. So, you're just gonna have to get over you chauvinist crap and allow me to do my job. Mr. Humphrey: I'm sure you're a very good doctor. Izzie: Then what is your problem? Mr. Humphrey: Look. I fantasized about you about the woman in this photo, whoever she is. I'm not proud of it, but it's a fact. Do you know what they're gonna do to me today? I have cancer. And they're gonna lift up my legs and expose me to the world and cut out my prostate and my nerves, effectively neuter me. So, is it so hard to understand that I don't want the woman who's in that photo to witness my emasculation? (Hallway) Cristina: Have you seen her overnight labs? Burke: I have. Cristina: Did you check her liver panel? Burke: They're not good. Cristina: No, they suck. She's choking on bile. She's jaundiced. Burke: A very sick woman. Cristina: Why haven't you scheduled the Whipple? Burke: Well, are you a surgeon now? Cristina: I'm her cruise director, pushing her around all day. The woman is circling the drain. We need to do something. Burke: I'll take a look at her biopsy. Cristina: Screw the biopsy. Burke: Dr. Yang Cristina: Enough. You know You know I I You know what I think? I think you never intended to do the Whipple. I think this entire thing has been bull, and you're behaving like the only reason she's in this hospital is to die. (Burke raises his eyebrows and nods. Cristina realizes the relevance of her words.) (MRI for Jorge Cruz) Derek: There. That's a tumor. It's midline near the hypothalamus. Meredith: Damn. (Jorge's room) Derek: Best practice, probably to remove the tumor. "Probably" because I can't get it all. 99%, but not all of it. Radiation and chemo, you're looking at maybe five to ten good years. Jorge: Let's do it. Derek: You haven't heard the downside. See, the tumor is located in a part of your brain where your memory and your personality resides. And because of the fuzzy edges of this type of tumor, I have to cut out a lot. Jorge, you stand a good chance of losing your memories. Of losing who you are. Sona: Is there any other way? Derek: The alternative is gamma or cyberknife treatment with focus radiation. It's less evasive. There's little chance of memory loss or him losing himself but it would only give Jorge maybe three to five years. Sona: Three to five years? Derek: This is an incredibly difficult decision. If you have any more questions or you need to talk to me, I'm here, ok? (Scene: Meredith is sitting in Liz's room, she is asleep and breathing heavily.) Liz: Hey. Meredith: I told my mother about you. She remembers you very well. Liz: Of course she would. Ellis Grey never forgot a thing. Meredith: (Chuckling) Mmm. Oh . I'm sorry. It's not really funny. It's not funny, but Liz: What's her diagnosis? Meredith: Alzheimer's, early onset. Liz: And she doesn't want anyone to know. Meredith: No. She's in a nursing home and I'm the only person she'll allow to see her. Liz: But if I know Ellis Grey, she made the nursing home sign a contract to that effect. Meredith: You know my mother well. Liz: What a bitch. (Both laugh) (Scene: Outside SGH) Izzie: The woman's life was this hospital. It was her home. It's a sweet thing for them to do. Cristina: It's a waste of a bed, and it's a waste of my time. Meredith: Who are we talking about? Cristina: Liz Fallon. They brought her here to die. Izzie: Wouldn't you want them to do the same thing for you? Cristina: No! You know what, I'd want the doctors to do everything they could. I'd want them to cut me open until the minute I die. Meredith: Sometimes doing everything can be worse than doing nothing. Cristina: (Flipping through Seattle magazine) You are eight feet tall. Your boobs are perfect. Your hair is down to there. If I were you I'd walk around naked all the time. I wouldn't I wouldn't have a job. I wouldn't have skills. I wouldn't even know how to read. I'd just be naked. Izzie: It's makeup. It's retouching. Cristina: You get that we hate you, right? Izzie: (Pager beeps) Bailey again. Cristina: You know what, any patient who spanks to his doctor's pictures forfeits his rights. You're seriously not gonna give up the prostatectomy, are you? Izzie? Oh forget it. You know, sometimes it is actually, you know, painful to be around you. (Scene: Mr. Humphrey's room, he is getting ready to go to the OR.) Bailey: Where the hell have you been? When I page, you answer. It's not that difficult to understand. O'Malley answered his page. He's doing your prep. (Mr. Humphrey is wheeled out.) If I hear the words Bethany Whisper one more time Izzie: I can't, ok? I just can't. He doesn't want me in there. Bailey: No, what he wants is to not have cancer. What he wants is to be saved. You want to stay in the scrub room, that's your choice. (Jorge's room) Derek: All right. I'll do my best. (To Meredith) Jorge and Sona want the surgery. Meredith: They want you to cut it out? Derek: Mm-hmm. It's their decision. (Scene: Liz's room, her breathing is very heavy now.) Liz: They were never gonna operate. Cristina: You could have told me. Liz: What fun would that have been? Think of it as a hazing ritual. (Grabs Cristina's hand) Welcome Cristina: Liz, don't talk. Don't talk. Liz, just (Liz's machines begin beeping) Cristina: Liz? Liz, stay Liz, stay with me. Stay with me, Liz. (Pushes cold blue button) (Jorge's room. He is asleep, Sona leaves quietly. Meredith is outside the door.) Meredith: Sona? (Scene: Code team running to Liz's room) Doctor: Let's go. Nurse: Here we go. Bag her. Push epi and atropine. Cristina: Somebody page Burke. (People are trying to resuscitate Liz) Male Nurse: She's DNR. She's DNR. Do not resuscitate! Dr. Yang! Cristina: Come on, people! Push another epi! Come on! (Hallways outside of Jorge's room) Meredith: You need to consider what you'll lose. What good is five years if he doesn't joke about your omelets and he can't remember seeing you in that red dress? Sona: It's still five more years. Meredith: You don't understand. He'll be there, but he won't be Jorge. He won't even recognize you. Sona: This is our business. Meredith: You have no idea what this will do to you. Isn't five good years better than ten bad ones? Derek: Meredith, what the hell are you doing? Meredith: She needs to understand. Sona: I do understand. You think that I'm being selfish, that I don't want to give him up. Meredith: I don't. Sona: This is Jorge's decision. And it that means ten bad years for me, fine. I'll give him those years because I will give him whatever he wants. Derek: Look, I am so sorry, Sona. Just please forgive her. She's an intern Sona: And if he doesn't remember me, if he doesn't remember what we are, he's still my Jorge. And I'll remember for us both. Derek: Ok, all right. (Liz's room) Cristina: (Performing CPR) Five, breathe, one, two. Burke: What the hell are you two doing? Cristina: We lost pulse. Burke: Let her go. Cristina: Where's that epi? Burke: Let her go! She's DNR. Let her go down. Cristina: Four, five. One, two. Burke: (Pulling Cristina off) Do not resuscitate. Cristina: All right. Burke: It is on her chart. Cristina: All right Burke: Let her go down. Let her go down. (Mr. Humphrey's scrub room) Izzie: Where are they? George: He's resecting the prostate, coming up on the distal nerve. Izzie: You said, "I am not your sister." Do you feel like I was emasculating you? George: No. No. I'm too masculine to be emasculated. Izzie: I'm sorry. George: Guess you put Dr. Model to rest. Izzie: Guess I did. (OR) Bailey: Dr. Victor, I'm sorry, these are viable nerves. We should try and save them. Dr. Victor: It'll take at least an hour longer, and we might not get it all. (Scrub room) Izzie: You know, they call him Limp Harry. (OR) Bailey: But his prognosis with chemo is nearly as good. And frankly, if you're worried about missing your tee time, I'd be more than happy to finish. (Izzie enters) Dr. Stevens. Dr. Victor: Can we help you? Izzie: I'm sorry, Dr. Bailey. Dr. Victor, I agree with her. You just can't you have to save the nerves. Dr. Victor: What? Izzie: The nerves, you have to save them. Dr. Bailey: Dr. Stevens, I can handle this. Izzie: You told me the most important thing is giving the patient what they want. What Humphrey wants is his erection. Dr. Victor: She's yours. You get her out. Dr. Bailey: Can't do that sir. You know how these young puppies are. Dr. Victor: I'm going to tell Richard about both of you. Dr. Bailey: You do that. In the meantime, let's pretend it's you on this table and give this a try. (Scene: Liz's room is full of doctors and nurses waiting for her to die.) Burke: Dr. Pinosky (Man turns off monitor) (To Cristina) you ever called one? Cristina: No. Chief Webber: Call it doctor. Cristina: Time of death, 11:43. (Scene: Derek talking to Sona, Meredith standing back) MVO: I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of a guide that could tell you when you've crossed the line. (Scene: Stairwell) Burke: You can't lose it like that. MVO: It would be nice if you could see it coming. Cristina: I'll get her. (Burke grabs her) Burke: Let her go. MVO: And I don't know how you fit it on a map. Burke: We have to let her go. (Scrub room) Bailey: Of course, now you know every time he gets a rise, he'll be thinking of you. (Izzie smiles) MVO: You take it where you can get it (Jorge is taking pictures of Sona.) MVO:...and keep it as long as you can. (Meredith holding her moms hand walking down some stairs) (George in the shower, Izzie is sitting on the toilet.) MVO: And as for rules George: Better not be using my toothbrush. Izzie: I'm not. MVO: Maybe there are none. (Meredith walks up to a table and sits down with Derek) MVO: Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.

Cristina's encounter with a former nurse, now a patient at Seattle Grace, changes her forever; Derek and Meredith treat a construction worker who has miraculously survived an injury but is now faced with tough decisions about his future; and a patient recognizes Izzie from a lingerie ad, which makes her the subject of hospital gossip.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_04x15

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_04x15_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS GOLF COURSE (STOCK) -- DAY] Camera zooms through the following different scenes and views. [EXT. LAS VEGAS - HOUSES ON GOLF COURSE (STOCK) -- DAY] [EXT. LAS VEGAS - CLOSED COMMUNITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [EXT. TRENT'S RESIDENCE -- DAY] [INT. TRENT'S RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY] (LAUREL TRENT stands at the kitchen sink washing the coffee cup, wiping it and putting it aside as MIKE TRENT walks into the kitchen, puts his arm on her shoulder and kisses her on her cheek.) Mike Trent: Ready to go? I'll get the paper, you get the car. Laurel Trent: (smiles in agreement) Okay. (She turns and heads out of the kitchen.) [EXT. TRENT'S RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVEWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The front door opens and MIKE TRENT steps outside. He picks up the paper on the front walk and heads for the garage. He crosses the lawn and absently opens the paper to read the headlines.) (Cut to: [INT. CAR (PARKED)] LAUREL fiddles with the radio controls in the car. It's 6:40 a.m. She shifts the car into gear.) (Cut to: MIKE reaches the bottom of the drive and waits for the car as it reverses down the driveway. He looks back down at the paper.) (LAUREL smiles as she reverses the car. In the rear view mirror, she sees her husband. Suddenly from the side, a man dressed completely in black grabs MIKE from behind and puts a taser up to his neck, zapping him.) (As she sits there in shock, a second man opens the driver's door and pulls LAUREL out of the car. She grabs the steering wheel and screams.) WHITE FLASH TO: (LAUREL TRENT lies dead on the driveway pavement in a pool of blood in front of her car, her eyes wide open.) (Flash to: MIKE TRENT is also dead on the driveway facing up, his eyes wide open.) WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. TRENT'S RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVEWAY - DAY -- LATER] (From a camera view high above the front of the house, we see Officers swarm around the crime scene and we also noticed the large blood smear from the top of the driveway down to the edge near the sidewalk. CATHERINE and GRISSOM get their things out of the cars.) Catherine: Early morning call-out, the worst. (CATHERINE shuts the back door of her car.) Catherine: Where did you come from? Grissom: Home. (They turn and head toward the driveway.) Catherine: Did you get any sleep? Grissom: No. You? Catherine: About a half an hour. Grissom: I was watching the world series of poker. Waiting for Sam Farha to light his cigarette. Catherine: Mm-hmm. (BRASS looks at them.) Brass: Ever been to the Acid Drop? Catherine: I try to avoid those places. Brass: The victims were the owners. Mike Trent and his wife Laurel. Both shot execution-style back of the head. A neighbor walking the dog found 'em. Mike used to own a semi-pro hockey team with some other guy. He made a ton of money, sunk it all into clubs like Acid Drop, uh, Psychedelic Hoe-Down ... (An OFFICER calls out to BRASS.) Officer: Captain Brass. Brass: (trails off) ... fun joints. (BRASS turns and leaves with the OFFICER.) Catherine: Looks like they never got out of the driveway. (Quick flashback to: MIKE TRENT is on his knees as the gunman fires shots at the back of his neck. LAUREL TRENT watches, then is shot herself. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: She dropped where she was shot, but he looks like he was dragged. (Quick flashback to: The GUNMAN drags MIKE TRENT'S body down the driveway. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: You drag a body away to hide it, not down a driveway for the world to see it. Grissom: (looks out at the street thoughtfully) Unless that was the point. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRENT'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (The front door opens. CATHERINE and WARRICK walk into the house carrying their kits. They look around and notice the center foyer table full of framed photos of the couple.) Warrick: Bling-bling. (CATHERINE picks up a framed photo and looks at it.) Catherine: The ol' trophy wife. Warrick: You think? Catherine: Classic Vegas. He pays for her boobs, tummy tuck, Prada, weekly spa, french manicure. And she's just hanging on his arm like she belongs. Warrick: Tell us how you really feel, Catherine. Catherine: Oh, it's gross. I wouldn't want to be her for the world. I wouldn't mind being her for a day, I guess. Warrick: Well, not this day. Catherine: (agrees) No. Warrick: Looks like it was just the two of them. Catherine: Nobody I know lives like this with kids. (WARRICK'S phone rings. He answers it.) INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. EAST COAST BACK GATE] (GREG stands outside the locked gate as he listens to the phone ringing.) Warrick: Brown. Greg: I've been here for twenty minutes. What's the code? Warrick: You on the East Coast looking for a sunset? Greg: I am. Warrick: You're at the wrong gate. Drive back down the road, make three lefts. When you get to the main gate, speak to Officer Ray and tell her you're with the crime lab. When you get to the scene, make sure I'm the first person you speak to. Greg: Okay. (GREG hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DRIVEWAY -- DAY] (BRASS shows NICK and SARA the crime scene.) Nick: Mike Trent? Brass: Mm-hmm. Nick: Boy, he's a big dog in the club world. Rumour is he paid Lil' Kim $10,000 one time just to walk into one of his clubs, turn around and walk back out. Brass: Yeah, I heard Jah Rule gets the same fee. (NICK and SARA share a look.) Brass: (shrugs) It's what I heard. (SARA pops a cough drop into her mouth. NICK holds out his hand.) Nick: Hey, uh, let me have one of those, Sara. Sara: Sorry, last one. Brass: (eye-ing her) You have a cold, Sara? Sara: I've been feeling a little run down lately. Brass: Okay, it's a gated community. The main gate has a guard all the time. The resident gate is at the north end, has punch-key access. Those are the only two ways in and out of this place. Nick: I thought you moved into communities like this for this not to happen. (NICK and SARA walk up to GRISSOM who is checking the purse inside of the car.) Nick: Hey, Grissom. What do you got? (They peer in through the open car window. He looks up.) Grissom: So far, an empty briefcase and a purse. Sara: You want us to take the perimeter? Grissom: Yeah, please. Catherine and Warrick are inside. The bodies were found on the driveway, so any evidence of the killers is going to be out here. Nick: I'll check the rear for any sign of forced entry. Sara: I'll take the side yard. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DRIVEWAY - FRONT CURB -- DAY] (WARRICK approaches GREG who is getting out of his car.) Warrick: You just get off a shift? Greg: Catherine called me. I'm here to help with the case. Warrick: You look like a man who just rolled out of bed. You all right? Greg: Yeah, why? Warrick: T-shirt, sneakers. You're already a half hour late. Grissom will rip you a new one if he sees you like that. (WARRICK walks around the car to take a look at GREG'S open trunk.) Greg: Serious? Warrick: Yeah, it's not a rebel game. It's a crime scene. See, this is what I'm talking about right here. (He reaches into GREG'S kit and takes out his flashlight.) Warrick: The battery's not changed kit's open. It's not stocked; no swabs. Did you sterilize your equipment after your last case? Greg: Uh, no. Warrick: See, you know when I'm on call because my clothes are folded next to my bed. Shoes, jacket, ball cap, bottle of water, pen, paper, Thomas Guide, next to the phone. That way, if I get a call at 3:00 in the morning, I'm not scrambled. Everything's there before the phone rings. My game is tight, like my trunk. Check it out. (WARRICK shows GREG the trunk of his car.) Warrick: Camera case, tripod, film is in the fridge. Markers, check. Extra field kit, fully stocked, sterilized. Shoeprint lift kit, wet weather gear. Files "mama." Forms for days. First call form, first officer form, consent to search, bird's eye view inside, bird's eye view outside. It's down to how I like my lunch. Picking up what I'm putting down? Greg: Yeah. See, no one ever told me. Warrick: You've been told. Greg: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DRIVEWAY -- DAY] (SARA walks past the body on the driveway toward the side wall. She pops another cough drop into her mouth as she climbs over the wall. She starts looking around.) (A few steps in, she finds some cigarette butts and orange peel pieces.) (She takes off her glasses and kneels down to look. Thinking.) (She looks up and visualizes the image of the gunman standing there, waiting, taking a puff of his cigarette and throwing it to the ground. The gunman pulls off an orange from the tree and ... (The visualization ends to reveal NICK standing in the spot in front of SARA.) Nick: No sign of disturbance in the rear. Sara: Cigarette butts. Orange peel, seeds. Lying in wait, maybe. Nick: You still sucking on that same cough drop? Sara: Yeah. I'm a ... a slow sucker. Nick: So, assuming the killer didn't live in the community, how did he gain entry? (NICK checks out the rest of the yard while SARA stays with the cigarette butts and orange peels.) (NICK finds some bike tracks in the dirt.) (He walks back onto the driveway looking out over the hill where he visualizes the two gunmen each on their own bike riding over the hill. They ride out onto the street. (End of visualization. Resume to present.) (NICK looks down on the ground in front of him to see the bike tracks on the road.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRENT RESIDENCE - STAIRWAY -- DAY] (CATHERINE and GREG walk up the stairs up to the second floor.) Catherine: Crime occurred in the driveway. Nothing to indicate that the suspects were inside the house. Greg: Yes, ma'am. I got it. So, then, what are we looking for? Catherine: Anything inside that'll make the outside make sense. [BEDROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (They walk into the bedroom.) Catherine: On your hands and knees. Check the carpet for trace. (GREG puts his kit down while CATHERINE checks out the closet. Starting along the doorway, Greg crawls along the carpet floor with his flashlight. CATHERINE opens the drawer inside the closet. GREG works his way toward the foot of the bed.) (CATHERINE checks the jewelry box and finds it empty.) Catherine: Hey. Greg. I'm going to need you to photograph something. (GREG finds some storage boxes under the bed.) Greg: Why, what'd you find? Catherine: It's what I didn't find. (At the foot of the bed, GREG finds some blood on the carpet.) Greg: Well, I found something. Blood. (CATHERINE walks out of the closet and finds GREG kneeling at the foot of the bed with one of the storage boxes in front of him..) Catherine: Blood? Where? Greg: Right here. (He points to the spot with his flashlight. CATHERINE walks over and looks at it. GREG opens the storage lock box and finds a stash of porno video tapes - starring Laurel Lust.) Greg: Ooh, I also found some videos. Looks like amateur p0rn. Catherine: p0rn. That figures. (CATHERINE looks at one of the video tapes.) "Sunburn Sin". Ooh. "Starring Laurel Lust." (realizing) That's Laurel Trent. Greg: Isn't that the wife? Catherine: Yeah. A few years back. (reading) "A Goode/Mike T. Production." "Mike T" as in Mike Trent? (She flips the box over and reads the back.) Well, I bet he seduced her, and then he produced her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (ROBBINS goes over LAUREL TRENT'S body with GRISSOM.) Robbins: Laurel Trent definitely had some work done. Implants which she later had removed. She has a four-centimeter-long scar at the edge of the collapsed fibrous capsules in both breasts. Grissom: Fascinating. Cause of death? Robbins: I was just getting to that. Two gunshot wounds to the back of the head, just like her husband. Close range. Either one immediately debilitating and fatal. I sent the bullets to the lab. But this is why I sent for you. (ROBBINS walks over to MIKE TRENT'S body and points out the burns on the neck.) Grissom: Stun gun burns? (Quick flashback to: [EXT. TRENT'S DRIVEWAY] MIKE TRENT is waiting for his wife to pick him up when the gunman rushes up behind him zapping him on the neck with a stun gun.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: If you're close enough to stun him, you're close enough to shoot him. Grissom: And we suspect that there were two assailants. Robbins: Well, maybe they were trying to buy time. (beat) Grissom: For what? (GRISSOM slowly turns and looks at ROBBINS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COMMUNITY GATE -- NIGHT] (WARRICK and NICK walk across the lawn.) Warrick: Now, the first order of business is to kill the Trents. Then the suspects go upstairs and rip off laurel's jewelry. Nick: And bail on bikes. That's a little low-rent, don't you think? Warrick: Yeah, but I'm thinking, in a neighborhood like this, if you burn rubber out of here, it's gonna cause a lot of attention. If you roll quietly away on a bike, though ... Nick: Ah, no one's the wiser. Okay, I get it. (They stop in front of the community gate.) Warrick: This is the resident gate that Greg called me from; he couldn't get in. He needed a code. Nick: Sara did find an orange peel in the side yard. What do you think, sticky fingers? Warrick: Does citrus illuminate? Nick: Sure it will, if it's derivatized. Do you have any fluorescent reagents? Warrick: I've got ANTs. Not the insect. Nick: Amino-Naphthalene Trisulfonic acid. Warrick: (jumps in) -- Trisulfonic acid. Nick: You're trying to stump me. I can feel it. (WARRICK puts his kit down and takes out the container. He hands it to NICK.) Warrick: Let me check it out. The ants should make it light up under the ALS. (NICK dusts the key pad for prints. WARRICK uses the ALS and checks the key pad for the numbers that glow.) Warrick: One, three ... five and six. In some configuration. They had the code. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE is with GRISSOM in his office. She stands near the window as he sits behind his desk with a file folder open in front of him.) Catherine: We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now? Grissom: I have to get this evaluation in, or I'm gonna get written up. Catherine: Okay. My goals. Mm ... oh, all right, okay. (She takes a seat in front of GRISSOM'S desk.) Catherine: For starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to ten a year instead of the usual twenty, and, uh, I would love to find a reliable baby-sitter, so I could have myself some kind of a personal life. Grissom: You don't have a personal life? Catherine: I ... write this down: I haven't had s*x in six -- no -- seven months. (GRISSOM looks at CATHERINE.) Grissom: (sighs) How can I help? (CATHERINE stares at GRISSOM, her eyes wide.) Grissom: (awkwardly) You. Advance, I mean. Do you ... have any interest in changing sections in the lab, for instance? Catherine: Gil, how do you do this? Honestly, how do you juggle scheduling and vacations and ... Grissom: The goal of any supervisor is to teach someone how to take his place someday. Are you going someplace? Grissom: You never know. Catherine: Are you considering me? Grissom: Why not? You're certainly qualified. But ... a CSI who uses the DNA lab to establish her own paternity ... calls into question ... her judgment, don't you think? (He moves the evaluation file folder in front of CATHERINE. She looks at what he's written.) Catherine: You've left that out. Are you covering for me? Grissom: I believe that we've dealt with this issue, handled it internally. As far as I'm concerned, it's dead. Besides, you'll never do it again. So just sign your name by the red "X." (CATHERINE hesitates.) Catherine: Before I sign, um, since we're putting all of our cards on the table, there's something you should know. Sam Braun wrote me a check, and ... I cashed it. Grissom: For how much? Catherine: Enough to where Lindsay and I can do anything and ... not enough to where we can do nothing. Grissom: Sam Braun was a murder suspect in one of your cases. How does this not look like a payoff? Catherine: I consulted an attorney. It is a check from a father to a daughter. It is completely out of departmental jurisdiction. Grissom: What about conflict of interest? Not just for you but for this lab. Catherine: Gil, I would never compromise you or the lab. Grissom: Maybe not legally, but ethically? (CATHERINE doesn't say anything.) Grissom: What else should I know, Catherine? Catherine: That's everything. (She signs the evaluation, stands up and walks out of the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (SARA'S in the lab going through the things found at the site. CATHERINE walks in putting on a pair of latex gloves.) Catherine: Talk to me. Sara: Orange peels, seeds, cigarette butts. I'm logging them in and moving them to DNA. (CATHERINE picks up the purse, opens and closes it, then goes through the other bags on the table.) Catherine: Okay, so you've gone through her purse, uh, her wallet ... Sara: Yeah, everything's there -- money, credit cards. Catherine: What about the briefcase? Sara: Empty. Stop. I-I got a system here. I found this wadded up in her purse. It's a release form -- permission to film an adult movie at the Acid Drop from Drake the Snake productions. Signed by a Drake Snow. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. ACID DROP -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE walks through the club. She shows her I.D. to the bouncer.) Catherine: I need to see your boss. Bouncer: (motions to her) Follow me. [BACK] (The BOUNCER leads CATHERINE to the back room where his boss, CHRIS BEZICH, is giving last minute instructions to the waitresses.) Chris Bezich: Tonight's for Mike. We pay our respects by ringing the register. Now, I don't mind if you're talking, just as long as they're drinking. Watch the doubles ... (He looks up and sees the BOUNCER with CATHERINE.) Chris Bezich: Uh ... Watch the doubles. Be smart. You do that, we're gonna take this party through till 6:00 in the morning. And most importantly, have fun. (The waitresses smile.) Waitress: Okay. Chris Bezich: Go make some money. See you later. Waitress: Thanks. (The waitresses leave. He turns his attention to CATHERINE.) Chris Bezich: You here about Mike? Catherine: Yes, I am. Chris Bezich: Let's go somewhere private. [BACKROOM] (They make their way to a back room. CHRIS BEZICH sees some PATRONS leaving the back room.) Chris Bezich: (to patrons) Sorry for the inconvenience, everybody. When you come back, next bottle's on me. Patrons: Great. (He motions CATHERINE inside.) Chris Bezich: Go ahead. (CATHERINE clears her throat.) Chris Bezich: Thanks, chief. We're going to shut her down for about half an hour. Catherine: (looks around) Well ... this is private. Chris Bezich: It was, um ... it was a real shock, you know? Mike and Laurel getting killed like that. But I got to say, if they had a choice how to go out, it would have been together. For him, the sun rose and set with her. Catherine: He didn't treat her like a trophy wife? Chris Bezich: No. You kidding? No. He got her off the VHS covers, and she made a home for him. (He sits down and motions for her to sit down also.) Chris Bezich: Have a seat. Catherine: Um, and what was, uh ... what was your professional affiliation with him? Chris Bezich: I run his clubs. Ever since he got out of the partner business with Kyle Goode. Catherine: Have you seen this Mr. Goode lately? Chris Bezich: He shows his face every once in a while. I just try to keep him away from Mike, you know? As much as humanly possible. Catherine: And ... What about this Drake Snow guy? Chris Bezich: Drake? (chuckles) Drake the Snake. I, uh ... I hired him. He's harmless. He saw one Ron Jeremy movie. Now the guy just sees dollar signs. Catherine: Uh, and how did he get along with the Trents? Chris Bezich: Why don't you go ask him? Catherine: Reading my mind. Chris Bezich: Mm. (She stands up and he also stands up, rushing to stop her from leaving.) Chris Bezich: You, uh ... you never gave me your name. Catherine: Oh. Catherine. Chris Bezich: Catherine. (They shake hands.) Catherine: Willows. Chris Bezich: Chris Bezich. Catherine: Chris Bezich. Chris Bezich: (motions to her) Come on. [BAR -- LATER] (CATHERINE sits and talks with the bartender, DRAKE SNOW.) Drake Snow: Mike and Kyle -- they made all their money out of Laurel taking it off. She-she was a cash register in panties is what she was. Catherine: And you wanted in? Drake Snow: No. Trust me. The last thing that I wanted was to be partners with Mike. Guy'd ... would chew you up and spit you out soon as look at you. Catherine: And Kyle - Drake Snow: Forget it. Guy'd tell you right to your face he's sticking it to you. Pasadena, baby. I got my own plans. I-I just ... I just need a location. One location. Catherine: And what? Mike didn't agree to it? Drake Snow: Didn't ask him. Last time I asked him for something, he took a swing at me. (Quick flashback to: [INT. TRENT'S RESIDENCE - KITCHEN] MIKE TRENT throws DRAKE SNOW out of the house.) Mike Trent: Get the hell out of my ... Drake Snow: I just want the same shot that you had, Mike. Laurel said that ... Mike Trent: You two aren't in business anymore. (MIKE takes a swing and hits DRAKE SNOW in the face.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: In the kitchen, you said? Drake Snow: Yeah. So, I wasn't going to make that mistake again, so I had to try something different. So, I pulled a Geffen. I went straight to Yoko. Catherine: Oh, you gave Laurel the release form. Drake Snow: Yeah. She was going to give it to Mike. He was going to sign it, and they were going to get it back to me. So much for that. Catherine: All right. So, uh, listen, Drake. I'm going to help you get that dream shot. So that when you do get into the p0rn biz, you won't have a murder rap hanging over your head. (She takes out a swab.) Catherine: Here. Crime Scene 101. Stick this in your mouth. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT] (WARRICK rolls in another set of bikes.) Nick: Hey, you can set 'em right there. Warrick: Can't believe that there's this many abandoned bikes in Charleston Hills. These were found in the alley behind the fire department, so check them out. (NICK dusts the handlebars and sees some prints glow under the ALS.) Nick: Sugar on the handlebars of both bikes. Just like the keypad. Warrick: So we may have our getaway bikes. Nick: We could check the serial numbers, but they're usually not recorded. (WARRICK sighs.) Warrick: You know what? I got an idea. Nick: Hmm? (WARRICK takes the seat off of the bike.) Nick: What are you doing? Warrick: Get me a pair of tweezers, will you? (He checks inside the seat and pulls out a receipt.) Nick: Now how did you know that receipt was in there? Warrick: Well, I used to read point spreads. Now I read books. Nick: Good for you. Bad for Ross Davis, though. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and WARRICK interview ROSS DAVIS.) Ross Davis: This is a little intense for getting my bike stolen. I already got a new one. Warrick: Did you report it? Ross Davis: No. You're kidding me, right? I got jumped, man. Warrick: By whom? Ross Davis: By two bucked-ass brothers. They were both yoked as hell. Ripped. I thought for a second they were going to kill me. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] ROSS DAVIS rides his bike along the street. A car screeches to a halt in front of him, blocking his path. A man in black jumps out of the car and stuns him.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (He rubs the back of his neck.) Warrick: Something wrong with your neck? Ross Davis: Man, it's killing me. I don't know what the hell they hit me with, but my knees was the first to go. Grissom: I believe you were hit with a stun gun. Warrick: Just like Mike Trent. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (CATHERINE walks down the hallway; GREG rushes to catch up with her.) Greg: I found something on your butt. Catherine: Checking out my butt again, Greg? Greg: I was ... Catherine: mm-hmm. Greg: ... as well as the four butts Sara got at the crime scene. Catherine: Oh. Greg: Found something on them that I can't explain, so I sent them over to Hodges. Your butt's fine. (beat.) Greg: Switching gears. Blood found in the Trents' bedroom is a match to Drake Snow. Catherine: So he told the truth about the blood and lied about the kitchen. Figures. Greg: Three of the four cigarette butts are also a match to Drake. Catherine: Puts him at the scene. And the fourth butt? Greg: Female, not a match to Laurel Trent. Catherine: Orange seeds? Greg: Two additional donors, both male. Not a match to any of our players. No hits on CODIS. Catherine: So we're looking for two guys and a gal who might know Drake. (GREG nods. They both walk out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS interviews DRAKE SNOW.) Brass: We already know you lied. We found your blood in the Trents' bedroom, not in the kitchen. So what were you doing in there? You putting the shot in her, or what? Drake Snow: Hey, look. I know where you're going with this. Okay, I was in the bedroom. She wasn't on her knees. I was. I was begging. Not for s*x. I was begging for my business. Drake the Snake Productions. Mike comes busting in, goes ballistic, smacks me in the nose ... Brass: I mean, I know I keep coming back to this three-and-out thing, but maybe because you're in bed with his wife. Drake Snow: Laurel and I didn't have s*x in the bedroom. We had it on the set- past tense -- long time ago. Brass: Then along came Mike. Drake Snow: Mike was good for Laurel. Mike was not good for me. She got carte blanche -- Laurel. Me, I got a bar back. Now I'm popping blue pills looking for something to bring me down, but I know the business. I just don't have the capital to get behind the camera. Brass: So what does killing the Trents get you? (pause) Drake Snow: Zero. No one was more upset than me. Brass: You're still pouring drinks. Boo-hoo. And what are you doing smoking around their place? Drake Snow: (shakes his head, confused) What? Brass: Yeah, we found cigarette butts with your DNA on it on their property. Drake Snow: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't. I smoke one place, okay? I smoke at work. I'm down to one a day. Right after happy hour, I have my one cigarette, and it's out back by the service register. You ask anybody. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ACID DROP - BACK BY SERVICE REGISTER - NIGHT] (CHRIS BEZICH leads CATHERINE out back by the service register.) Chris Bezich: Drake's telling the truth, you know? He smokes one a day. Not on the floor, right here, my rule. Catherine: mm-hmm. Well, I'll have to verify it with evidence. (CATHERINE puts her kit down.) Chris Bezich: You verify everything? Catherine: Everything. Including you. You're clear. Chris Bezich: Can you blame Drake, you know? He's trying to give up cigarettes. That's like me trying to give up ... (CATHERINE pours a shovel of sand into the baggie. She turns around.) Catherine: s*x? Chris Bezich: Everybody needs to indulge in a vice at least once a day, right? Catherine: Yes, well, I did happen to notice those little waitress girlies trying to serve their way into bed with you. Chris Bezich: That's work. I prefer women. Speaking of work, do you, um ... ever get a day off? Catherine: What? You want to get to know me? Chris Bezich: Yes. (They inch closer and closer together until finally, they kiss. CATHERINE pulls back.) Catherine: Um ... Chris Bezich: What? Catherine: Wait. Hang on. I'm on the clock. Chris Bezich: You started it. Catherine: Yes, and when the time is right, maybe I'll finish it. (She smiles at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- NIGHT] (BRASS steps out into the hallway and finds SARA sipping coffee in the break room.) Brass: How you feeling? Sara: Hey. What do you mean? Brass: Well, you were popping cough drops at the scene the other day a mile a minute. Sara: I thought I was coming down with a cold. Brass: Ah. Yeah, I, uh ... (They both sit down.) Brass: I understand colds. You know, back in Jersey when I was getting it from both ends, from my wife and my work, uh ... things started to get heavy. I started "medicating". (He motions drinking with his hand.) "Cure" my cold. And, um, and god forbid I had an early morning roll-out and I had that tell-tale breath, you know what I mean? So I would dodge my supe, and I started popping cough drops. Sara: Huh. Brass: I mean, what I'm trying to say is that ... there's more problems than answers in the bottom of a bottle, believe me. Sara: Yeah. (She sighs.) Sara: Actually, I had a couple of beers with breakfast when I got off shift. And then I got called in. Brass: Just a couple? Sara: Yeah. Brass: (smiles a bit) I'm just looking out for you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (BRASS walks into the office and finds GRISSOM sitting at his desk looking at the photos of jewelry.) Brass: Hey, what are you doing after work? Grissom: More work. Brass: You've photos of Laurel Trent's jewelry. Grissom: Yeah, two-carat diamond earrings, ruby necklace, diamond and sapphire bracelet, lady's gold rolex. Brass: The insurance company says it's worth somewhere north of two mil. I got every pawn shop in town on the lookout. (GRISSOM nods.) Brass: What? Grissom: You know that feeling you get when you just can't quite put your finger on something? Brass: What can't you put your finger on besides the clock-out button? Grissom: Why did they drag his body down the driveway? Brass: Dragging's your racket. But I can tell you who's dragging Mike Trent into court. His ex-business partner, Kyle Goode. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY] (DAVID HODGES shows CATHERINE the results of the evidence sent to trace. He holds up the evidence bag.) David Hodges: Evidence. (He puts a hand on the scope.) David Hodges: Evidence in context. Take a look. [SCOPE VIEW OF CIGARETTE BUTT] Catherine: Trace on the cigarette butt is a match to the sand I collected from the ashtray. David Hodges: At Acid Drop. (He puts in a different slide under the scope.) David Hodges: Now ... take a look at this. I found trace amounts of soil in the orange seeds and the orange peel ... [SCOPE VIEW OF THE SOIL] David Hodges: ... but not on any of the butts. Catherine: So it's possible that the butts were planted. (Quick flashback to: PERSON places the cigarette butts on the found near the orange peels. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: May explain why there seems to be so many suspects at the crime scene. David Hodges: Probably clears Drake Snow and your unidentified female smoker. Where does that leave you? Catherine: With two guys on bikes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ARCADE -- DAY] (ALEX GOODE plays the arcade machine as KYLE GOODE stands next to him watching and smoking his cigarette.) Kyle Goode: Hit that ninja. On the bridge. KYLE GOODE: That's it. (BRASS walks up to them.) Brass: Kyle Goode? Kyle Goode: Uh-huh. Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass, homicide. (BRASS gives KYLE GOODE his card.) Kyle Goode: I was wondering when you guys would get around to me. Brass: Why's that? Kyle Goode: My ex-partner's murdered. I got a lawsuit against him. He owes me millions. I'd like me for it. Brass: Great, then we won't have to pull teeth to get to the truth. Where were you yesterday morning? Kyle Goode: With my son, Alex. Brass: Where? Kyle Goode: You're not going to believe anything I tell you. Why don't you ask him? Brass: Okay. Kyle Goode: Come, Alex. Get off the game. (ALEX continues to play the game.) Kyle Goode: That's enough. (KYLE grabs the plastic gun out of ALEX'S hand.) Alex Goode: (whines) You cost me a man. Kyle Goode: I got more quarters. (KYLE takes out the quarters for ALEX.) Brass: So, Alex, where were you yesterday morning? Alex Goode: At grandma's. Brass: All morning? Alex Goode: No. She lives in Laughlin. My dad drove me. Brass: What time did you get there? Alex Goode: I don't know. I was sleeping. Maybe around ... 11:00? Brass: You sure about that? Alex Goode: Yeah. When I woke up, Captain Caveman was on. Brass: Okay, Laughlin's about two hours away, so you and your son left home around 8:30? Kyle Goode: More like 8:00. Alex likes those breakfast sandwiches. We picked a couple up. Ate them on the way. Brass: Where'd you pick them up? Kyle Goode: Sunny Side's over on Eastern. You looking for an alibi? Brass: Something like that, yeah. Kyle Goode: Come on, Alex. Let's go over to Circus Circus. They got a real arcade. (KYLE takes a last puff from his cigarette and snuffs it out in the ashtray. He and ALEX leave. BRASS tucks his notebook into his jacket pocket and uses a handkerchief to take the recently discarded cigarette butt out of the ashtray.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SUNNY SIDE - COUNTER -- DAY] Missy Wilson: Thank you for visiting Sunny Side's. Next in line, please. (NICK steps up to the counter.) Nick: Hi. Missy Wilson: Would you like to try the Sunny Side's special? Nick: No, I'm Nick Stokes. I'm with the Las Vegas crime lab. Can I talk to you for a second? Missy Wilson: Um ... (She looks around and motions to the clerk next to her. She steps aside with NICK.) Nick: Are you Missy Wilson? Missy Wilson: Are you a truant officer? Nick: No. Your Manager said you were working breakfast the other day at the pick-up window. Missy Wilson: Yeah. Nick: Do you remember this guy? (He shows her the DMV photo copy of KYLE GOODE'S license.) Missy Wilson: Oh, my god. That's the creep who was hitting on me. He was so repulsive. You know what he said to me? (Quick flashback to: KYLE GOODE muttering to MISSY WILSON through the order window.) Kyle Goode: I'd like to bend you over the counter, baby. (MISSY WILSON gasps at him, then closes the window shut.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Missy Wilson: And he said it in front of his kid. What kind of father acts like that? Nick: Sounds like he wanted to make an impression. Missy Wilson: Oh, he did. I hope you're going to arrest him. Nick: One thing at a time. Now this window ... Missy Wilson: I get all the creeps in drive-through -- teenagers, perverts, walk-ups, and those are my favorites. "Hi, I'm on a skateboard. Can I have a burger combo?" "No, dork." Nick: Does this window have a surveillance camera? Missy Wilson: Oh, yeah, we have cameras all over here. Even in the cooler. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO / VISUAL LAB -- DAY] (CLOSE UP: SECURITY VIDEO FOOTAGE of KYLE GOOD ordering through MISSY WILSON'S window.) Nick: Confirms his alibi. Every suspect Brass leans on seems to have a case of the "airtights." Grissom: Hold it. Run that back. (NICK rewinds the video.) Grissom: Pause it. (He pauses the video.) Grissom: What is that around the kid's neck? Nick: I don't know. Let's enhance it. (The video is enhanced with a focus on ALEX GOODE.) Nick: Hard to tell, but, it almost looks like a canteen. Grissom: You bring a canteen up to your lips, not to your eyes. Nick: I'll pull some stills, see what I can make of it. (The lab phone rings. GRISSOM answers it.) Grissom: AV Lab. Grissom. (pause) I'll be right there. (GRISSOM hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (A body is dead from a gunshot wound, blood seeping onto the carpet. A taser weapon is discarded nearby.) (Fade to: Several taser marks on the victim's skin.) (Fade to: A gunshot wound to the back of the head.) (BRASS, GRISSOM and DAVID PHILLIPS is in the crime scene. DAVID is looking over the body.) Brass: Well, he lived by the stun, but I don't think he died by it. David Phillips: He didn't. Uh, two gunshot wounds to the back of the head. TOD is within the hour. (GRISSOM looks around and sees the blood spatter on the walls.) Grissom: Blood spatter everywhere. Multiple directionalities. (GRISSOM looks around and sees a chain in the victim's pocket.) Grissom: You almost done, David? David Phillips: Uh, yes, sir. He's all yours. (DAVID takes his things and moves away from the body.) Grissom: Thanks. I want to pick his pockets. (GRISSOM finds a rope chain with two initials charms on it.) Grissom: M ... and T. Doesn't look like Michael Trent. Brass: If he's one of our bad guys on the bicycle, where's his partner? Grissom: And where's the rest of the jewelry? Brass: That's probably what his partner said before he tossed the room. (GRISSOM nods. They both stand up and look around. GRISSOM sees the open window and looks outside.) [EXT. RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM walks outside the side of the house. He walks around the house to the open window where he finds some blood drops on the outside of the wall.) (He looks around and finds blood drops on the fiber glass sheet on the ground.) (Quick flashback to: THE GUNMAN is bleeding on the fiber glass. He coughs and runs through the bushes.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM heads into the bushes where he finds a SECOND BODY dead on the ground. He kneels down to look at the body.) (BRASS walks around the corner carrying a plastic bag. He holds it up.) Brass: Hey, look what I found: A knife with blood on it. Grissom: Look what I found: A dead guy. (BRASS nods.) (GRISSOM picks up the gun at the scene.) Grissom: Nine-millimeter. Pillowcase full of jewelry. Two stacks of $10,000 bricks. Brass: Well, either they pawned some diamonds at the US Treasury, or they're on someone's payroll. You know what that means: Hit-for-hire. Grissom: And we're still looking for somebody. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (GRISSOM and ROBBINS stand between the two bodies.) Grissom: Who gets the honors: Him or him? Robbins: Eh, let's start with Mr. Head wound. (They turn to the first body. ROBBINS points to the stun gun burns on his chest.) Robbins: You've seen these before. Grissom: Stun gun. The debilitator of choice. (Quick flashback to: The two GUNMEN fight. One uses the stun gun on the other, driving him to his knees, then down to the ground.) (Flash to: Close up of a gun firing two shots.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: Heard you found a nine-millimeter at the scene? Grissom: Mm-hmm. Robbins: I sent the bullets to ballistics. Grissom: How about his buddy? Any lead in him? (They turn to the second body.) Robbins: No, but he took a blade to the stomach. The cut was shallow, five or six centimeters below the sternum. Like the soft spot in a dragon. (Quick CGI flashback to: The knife sinks into flesh, then is pulled out. The fight between the two men ensue and the taser gun brings the other man to his knees. White flash to end of CGI Flashback.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (BRASS and CATHERINE walk through the hallway.0 Catherine: Sounds like no honor among thieves. Brass: Well, I'll tell you what they were fighting over. The jewelry was hot. Either you fence it fast or eat the loss. Catherine: I'm thinking more and more it was never part of the plan. Brass: You know, you could be right. I talked to the Trents' bank. They were on their way to the safety deposit box that morning and then off to Hawaii at the end of the week. Catherine: So it was Laurel Trent who cleaned out her own jewelry box. Brass: Yeah. Murder was their wage, and jewelry was their tip. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CLOSE UP OF: WARRICK checking the bills.) (Dissolve to: SARA and WARRICK are documenting bills.) Warrick: How's your hands? Sara: Sore. Document every single bill. Fun. Warrick: I got to hand it to these casinos. They got it all figured out. Sara: What do you mean? (WARRICK holds the stack of money in his hand.) Warrick: Well, this is a ten thousand dollar brick, right? Sara: Mm-hmm. Warrick: I could either lose this in a hand of blackjack, or I could lose cranberry chip. What's worse? (SARA doesn't look up.) Sara: To me, losing's losing. (WARRICK chuckles. Camera holds on SARA. WARRICK watches her and notices that she's staring at something.) Warrick: Sara? Sara: I got a bloodstain. (SARA looks up at WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (CLOSE UP of the blood stain on One Hundred Dollar Bill, #CL89631217A.) Greg: You know, the last time I checked, defacing government property was a federal offense. Sara: Not when it's logged in as property, Greg. The blood might be from a paper cut. Greg: Okay, but you're my witness. (GREG cuts off a bit of the bill with the blood on it.) Sara: Run it against all our players. Greg: Uh-huh. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (NICK stands in front of GRISSOM'S desk holding a file folder in his hands.) Nick: I finished up on those still photos. The canteen around Little Alex's neck ... is really a set of binoculars. (GRISSOM looks at the clear photo still of ALEX looking through a pair of binoculars in the car.) Nick: If you keep flipping, it tells the rest of the story. (He goes through each photo still one by one.) (Quick flashback to: The photo stills moving faster showing KYLE GOODE grabbing the binoculars out of ALEX'S hands.) Kyle Goode: You're going to break them. ALEX GOODE: I-I-I ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Now, call me crazy, but it looks like daddy doesn't like the little man wearing the binoculars around his neck so much. Grissom: I wonder why? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. TRENT RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVEWAY -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and NICK check out the front driveway as Christmas lights in the trees behind them and the front car headlights light their way. Cute.) (GRISSOM looks at the empty lot beyond the fence across the street from the driveway. He looks down and positions himself where the blood ends.) (Quick flashback to: MIKE TRENT lying on the concrete drive. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM looks up and sees a lit spot across the street on the hillside.) Nick: What are you thinking? Grissom: Stay right here until I call you. (NICK shrugs.) (GRISSOM moves forward to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [BINOCULARS VIEW: NICK standing in the driveway] (GRISSOM focuses the binoculars on NICK.) (He takes out his cell phone and dials. NICK'S phone rings. He answers it.) Nick: Yeah? Grissom: Nick, would you move about halfway up the driveway? Nick: Back where Mike Trent was shot? Grissom: Exactly. (NICK turns and walks back up the driveway, hidden behind the bushes.) Nick: How's this? Can you see me here? Grissom: No, I can't. Thank you. (NICK pulls the phone away from his ear and gets it. He smiles.) (GRISSOM puts down the binoculars and hangs up (Quick flashback to: MIKE TRENT is being dragged down the driveway. The GUNMAN pulls MIKE TRENT'S dead body down the driveway as SOMEONE across the street watches.) (The GUNMAN stops and sits MIKE TRENT up to show the person that it really is MIKE TRENT.) (The person across the street puts his binoculars down. It's KYLE GOODE.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM walks forward, his phone still in his hand. He takes out his flashlight and looks at the barrier in front of him where he sees some scrapings on the side.) (Quick flashback to: A moving car scrapes the barrier, sparks fly. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM dials.) Grissom: (to phone) Jim? Gil. (He pauses.) I'm fine. How are you? Would you put an APB out on Kyle Goode's vehicle, please? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (BRASS and GRISSOM interview KYLE GOODE in the presence of his lawyer.) (BRASS puts the photo still on the table in front of KYLE GOODE.) Brass: You recognize this? Kyle Goode: That's my kid. Brass: What's that around his neck? Kyle Goode: That's his binoculars. Brass: Yeah. Zeiss, 20x60, BSGA. Forty-five hundred a pop. Kyle Goode: You know how it is. You got your kid in the car, traveling a long distance. Whatever keeps them occupied. Grissom: According to your son, he slept all the way to Laughlin. Lawyer: Kid falling asleep in a car on the way to his grandma's house? You guys won't even make it through the courthouse door. Brass: Court. That's where the lawyers get fat. And you know all about that. I mean, you've got a lawsuit with your ex-business partner, and your ex-wife, who's suing you for past alimony ... Lawyer: That's irrelevant. Brass: Not according to his wife it isn't. She gave us permission for a hair sample from your son. Kyle Goode: For what? Grissom: The good thing about drugs? They work their way through the bloodstream in the urine, but not the hair. Our lab found trace elements of ambien, which is a hypnotic sleep sedative, in your son's hair root. Lawyer: Until we see the test results, we're withholding comment. Brass: No problem, counselor. Okay, moving on. (GRISSOM hands the file folder to the lawyer.) Brass: The "buy" money, the 20k that we found on the two geniuses you hired? Kyle Goode: What geniuses? Brass: You know, the brothers, who are so cool and laid back, they're in the morgue. (KYLE GOODE looks surprised.) Brass: Oh, what? You didn't know they're dead? Yeah, they greased each other over the jewelry. And that wasn't even part of the deal in the first place, was it? (Quick flashback to: THE GUNMEN find the jewelry in the car ... and take it. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Good help is hard to find, huh, Kyle? Lawyer: He's not answering that. Kyle Goode: I hated that son of a bitch. Mike Trent was a scumbag, worst of the worst. Use you up and blow right through you. I brought him in on my nickel. And he throws me out? Invests our money in clubs and kicks me out? To do what? To ride off into the sunset with my piece of sushi? And it's not just me. There's a lot guys out there got burned by him who wouldn't mind a little revenge. I'll even go so far as to say I'm not sorry he's dead, or rotting somewhere in some box. (He looks at both of them.) Kyle Goode: But I'll say this for sure: I didn't kill him. Brass: I'm not saying you did. Kyle Goode: Or his wife. Brass: But your $20,000 incentive pulled the trigger. And you know what? You won't believe this -- a paper cut gave you away. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] KYLE GOODE hands the stack of bills over to the GUNMEN.) Kyle Goode: ... Ten makes twenty large. (The GUNMAN takes the stack of bills out of KYLE'S hands, cutting his finger in the process. He sticks his finger in his mouth to stop the bleeding.) Kyle Goode: When you do it, I want to see it. I'll be up here. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: We did the DNA test for the cigarette butt you left at the arcade. Plain view, right counselor? And we matched it to the blood we found on the money. Lawyer: He didn't hire two killers. He only hired me. Grissom: Yeah, well, lawsuits take a while. I don't think you cared about a verdict anyway, did you, Kyle? You wanted much more than that. (Quick flashback to: [DAY] The GUNMAN rushes up and grabs MIKE TRENT from behind. He tasers his neck, bringing him down to his knees.) (Cut to: The SECOND GUNMAN pulls LAUREL TRENT out of the car, screaming.) Laurel Trent: God ... ! (He pushes her down to her knees.) (Cut back to: The FIRST GUNMAN brings the gun to the back of MIKE TRENT'S neck.) (LAUREL TRENT tries to get to her husband. The SECOND GUNMAN fires twice, shooting her in the back of the head.) Mike Trent: No! (The FIRST GUNMAN fires twice at MIKE TRENT.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Lawyer: My client was with his son all day that day. Grissom: Yeah, that's where he screwed up. Your hatred of Trent was stronger than your love for your own child. You drugged your son so you could use him as an alibi. Brass: And that's all a jury's going to need to hear to convict you. (beat) Kyle Goode, you've been bad. You're under arrest. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EARLY MORNING] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (CATHERINE passes by GRISSOM'S office door and finds him sitting behind his desk.) Catherine: Oh ... you're still here. Uh ... (She clears her throat as she puts her jacket on.) So I'm leaving. Need anything? Grissom: No, I'm good. (beat) Catherine: Are we good? Grissom: We'll be fine. Catherine: Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Grissom: Going out? Catherine: I've got some unfinished business to take care of. (She smiles.) I'll see you. (She leaves. GRISSOM watches her as she goes.) FADE TO BLACK

The whole team investigates the execution -style murder of a husband and his porn star wife in a gated community . Catherine gets involved with one of the suspects, even after Grissom questioned her ethics when she told him she accepted Sam Braun's check.

fd_Veronica_Mars_03x01

fd_Veronica_Mars_03x01_0

EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Under a grey sky, Veronica makes her way across the campus. A large banner is set up: "Rally Against Violence Towards Women - Take Back the Night - 4pm at Johnson Lawn - All are welcome to attend - Let's Stand United!" Veronica passes under it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Here it is. First day of college. What do you say, Veronica? New school, fresh start. Veronica glances over at three girls, securing one end of the banner. VERONICA VOICEOVER: How 'bout you try not to piss anyone off this time around. Veronica heads for the entrance in the main building. DR. LANDRY: [offscreen] Welcome to college... INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. On a screen at the front of a lecture theatre are the words "Intro to Criminology." A man walks forward from the lectern next to it. DR. LANDRY: ...where it's okay to skip class. Just not mine. The students titter appreciatively. A girl sitting behind Veronica leans forward, gazing dreamily at the professor. CATHY: Skip class? I'm gonna staple myself to the floor. Veronica growls in agreement. DR. LANDRY: Before we dive in, I've been asked to plug the Criminology Department's mentoring program. We work with at risk kids here in Neptune. Our philosophy is that it's better to prevent crimes through intervention than be forced to solve them later. My teaching assistant... Landry extends his arm in the direction of a young man sitting at the front of the room, facing the students. The young man, the spitting image of Lucky from Season Two, but in a shaggy wig, stands. DR. LANDRY: ...Timothy Foyle, will take the names of those who would like to volunteer. Timothy gives a small bow. Landry quickly moves on, pointing a remote over his shoulder at the screen behind him. DR. LANDRY: Here's a reading list for the semester. The screen changes to a list of books. DR. LANDRY: All should be available used at the Co-op. CATHY: What about your book, Dr. Landry? DR. LANDRY: Profiling is an upper level course. Gotta walk before we run. There's giggly amongst the students. Cathy leans back in her seat, satisfied with her brown-nosing. Landry claps his hands together. DR. LANDRY: All right, what do you say we start off this semester with a little bit of ridiculous fun. He picks up some envelopes from his desk and holds them up. DR. LANDRY: Murder on the Riverboat Queen. He passes the envelopes to Timothy who starts to distribute them among the students. DR. LANDRY: If Tim hands you an envelope, that makes you a passenger and a witness on the Riverboat Queen. Go ahead, open your envelope. It'll give you all the details you need to play this role. Timothy walks past Veronica without giving her an envelope. DR. LANDRY: Who you are, what you saw. If you're the murderer, you're given your cover story. Now if you're not given a card, that makes you one of the Pinkertons, brought on board to solve the case. You can question any of the passengers. Timothy makes his way back to the front of the class. DR. LANDRY: The current record for solving the case is sixteen minutes, courtesy of the amazing Mr. Foyle. Timothy bows with a grand flourish. Landry chuckles as Veronica looks on, brow furrowed at the boastfulness on display. DR. LANDRY: All right, detectives. You may begin questioning your passengers... He pauses, checking his watch. DR. LANDRY: ...now. Landry goes back to his lectern, Timothy watches the class and the students start to turn to talk to each other. Some move about. Veronica looks at one of them, then turns her attention to her laptop, open on the desk in front of her. She's connected to the internet. She starts to type. Cut to a few moments later. The babbling of the students continues as Timothy paces the room. Veronica is sitting back in her seat, reading Popular Photography & Imaging. Timothy notices and heads towards her. He stands in front of her and clears his throat. Veronica looks up. Timothy folds his arms and smirks. Veronica smiles and, when he doesn't say anything, takes the initiative. VERONICA: Yes? TIMOTHY: Dr. Landry expects everyone to participate. Is it possible you ended up in the wrong class? Veronica does a little double-take. TIMOTHY: [condescendingly] Your academic advisor can get you into something else, you know. Elementary education, maybe. I think it's okay to read magazines over there, they even cut them up sometimes, make little collages. Veronica's eyes narrow to slits before she gives him a forced giggle. She returns her attention to her magazine. VERONICA: I know who did it. Timothy is flabbergasted. He goes to say something, stops himself, looks at her and then shouts to Landry. TIMOTHY: Dr. Landry! DR. LANDRY: Whatcha got? As Landry makes his way over to them, Timothy points at Veronica. TIMOTHY: This girl says she's got it, but she hasn't moved from her seat. DR. LANDRY: And you are? VERONICA: Veronica. Mars. DR. LANDRY: So, Veronica Mars. Who are you going to send to prison for the rest of his natural born days. VERONICA: The blind yet not really blind fiddle player, Rutherford Styles. Landry, impressed, looks at Timothy, who is put out. They both look down at Veronica who gives Timothy a triumphant shrug. DR. LANDRY: Congratulations, Veronica. He addresses the class as he heads back to his lectern. DR. LANDRY: All right everybody, you can stop. We have a winner and a new record holder. Six minutes. Veronica finally drops her magazine as the students return to their seats. DR. LANDRY: So, how did you figure it out? VERONICA: Murder on the Riverboat Queen was a murder mystery in a box game made by Wigwam Toys in the late '80s. Fans of the games set up message boards on line that gave away details. I just ignored all the spoiler alerts, which I know is kind of douchebaggy, but... TIMOTHY: The game is set in the 1890s. You can't use the internet. Veronica looks past Timothy to Landry VERONICA: Was that a rule? DR. LANDRY: [amused] It wasn't a rule. TIMOTHY: And there are two possible killers in the box. I mean, [chuckling with disapproval] you just took a fifty-fifty stab, didn't you? VERONICA: Sorry, no. The other killer is Countess Magee. Dr. Landry just asked me who I was going to send away for the rest of his natural born days. That kind of sold me on blind Rutherford. There is one thing I can't figure out though. She pauses a moment and looks up at Timothy. VERONICA: What did you do for the extra ten minutes. There is laughter among the students. Timothy is beaten and knows it. He heads back to the front of the class. Veronica watches him, please with herself. Opening credits (new style). EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Logan is sitting on a bench, disinterestedly watching people walk by. VERONICA: [offscreen and with a raspy voice] You a bounty hunter, boy? Logan smiles. The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica sitting on the bench next to him, adopting his position: arms spread out resting along the back of the bench, legs wide apart. LOGAN: I really shouldn't have pushed for the Clint Eastwood marathon. Now I've ruined you. I didn't think it was possible to make you more butch. Stupid, stupid Logan. He looks over at her. LOGAN: Well, you wanna feel like a man, walk me to class? Veronica leans forward, holding out her hand. VERONICA: Carry your books? LOGAN: Why not? Logan picks up the few books next to him as he leans forward to give her a kiss. She takes them. They stand and start walking. LOGAN: Guess who I saw on campus today? VERONICA: Some girl going wild? As I understand it, it happens all the time in college. I'm on the verge of it right now. LOGAN: No, Dick, my BFF. VERONICA: I thought he was crashing with his dad in the Caymans. LOGAN: Naw, he's back. VERONICA: You guys talk? LOGAN: Yeah, but it was brief. Shouted his name, flipped me off...the bonds of friendship. VERONICA: It was enough of a struggle getting you into Hearst, how do you think he managed it? LOGAN: Well, his mom remarried Schwarzenegger's business manager. VERONICA: Ah. LOGAN: Yeah. I'm sure a call from the Governor can get you into most colleges in the state. Logan pauses, suddenly serious. Veronica stops and faces him. LOGAN: Hey, uh...people are saying Dick's a mess, you know, on account of his, uh, brother Greg Louganising off of my roof. VERONICA: It wasn't your fault Cassidy jumped. LOGAN: Nothing's ever my fault. Logan bends down to give Veronica a quick peck, takes his books from her and walks away. Veronica watches him go with concern. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica enters the apartment carrying the post. She looks through it, swinging the door closed behind her. She is particularly interested in a large brown, padded envelope from the Sutcliffe Hotel, New York, New York (addressed to Mars Family, 1909 Seacrest Road, Neptune, Ca 98...). INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith is at his desk. His gun is dismantled in front of him and he is in the process of cleaning it. He looks down the barrel, then drops a weighted line through it. There's a noise from the outer office and he looks up. Vinnie Van Lowe appears, one leg to the side in the air and claps softly, making an entrance. Keith returns his attention to his cleaning equipment. KEITH: [unenthusiastically] Vinnie. What brings you to the good part of the wrong side of the tracks? VINNIE: Dollar signs, mi amigo. He grins and clicks his fingers, taking a step further into Keith's office. VINNIE: The almighty buck. I got a case that requires a little, uh, double detective duty. Vinnie accompanies this with the a little boxing jig, coming fully into the office. He points out of the window. VINNIE: Uh, Lucky Pierre owns a jewellery store and suspects that he's got an embezzler. Vinnie comes to a halt in front of Keith's desk. VINNIE: What do you say? Huh? Wonder Twin powers activate! He holds out a fist excitedly. KEITH: Can't Vinnie. Got my own case and it's taking me out of town. Vinnie looks down at the gear spread all over Keith's desk. VINNIE: A hit? I understand there's good money in that. How does one break in? Is there a union of some kind? Put in a good word for me, would ya? Vinnie picks up the soft briefcase that is lying on the corner of Keith's desk, inspecting it. VINNIE: You know, I've thought about getting myself a briefcase, not that I really need it. Vinnie ducks his head into the briefcase. Keith, with a bit of a sigh, gets up from his chair to take it from him. VINNIE: You know, everything I need I keep right up here. Vinnie taps his head as Keith leans forward and grabs the briefcase. KEITH: Vinnie, I'm busy. Vinnie holds up his hands. VINNIE: Okay, okay, if you wanna be that guy. Vinnie pouts and turns to leave. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith enters the apartment and checks the mail where Veronica has left it on the kitchen counter. VERONICA: [offscreen, shouting] Dad? Come here! Keith looks up, throws down the post and heads for Veronica's bedroom. He enters. Veronica is at her desk, the computer open before her. KEITH: You beckoned? VERONICA: Yeah. You'll never believe it. Keith settles on the chair next to her. VERONICA: A maid from our hotel in New York found the flashcard with all our vacation pictures on it. Look! KEITH: Hot dog! Veronica pauses for a moment and gives him a confused stare. VERONICA: Hot dog? KEITH: [dryly] It's an expression of excitement and enthusiasm. Joe and Frank Hardy and I used to say "Hot dog" all the time while we were waiting for the car hop to bring up our malteds at the drive-in. VERONICA: Drive-in? KEITH: I hate you. VERONICA: [coyly] You love me. KEITH: [sighing] Yeah, but it's all instinct. Veronica pounds a few keys on the keyboard. VERONICA: Okay, you'll notice that the first couple dozen photos feature your daughter doing the one-handed self-portrait... As Veronica demonstrates the action of taking a picture of herself, Keith's head drops into his arms, in shame. VERONICA: ...as her negligent father showed up three days late... Veronica pats him companionably and Keith peers up at the screen. VERONICA: ...but look, you finally make it. Here we are in front of Spamalot. Keith chuckles. The camera switches to a view of Veronica's screen, showing a picture of the two of them outside the doors of a building, numbered 405. VERONICA: [offscreen] Here we are in front of the Empire State Building. Keith points at the picture. KEITH: That's the Chrysler Building. VERONICA: No, it isn't. KEITH: Veronica, there are a few things in life to which you'll have to defer to my age and experience and that, sweet child of mine, is the Chrysler Building. VERONICA: Hm, senility. That comes with age too, right? KEITH: I...can't remember. Veronica laughs. KEITH: Oh, by the way, how was your first day? How does it feel being a college student? Veronica stretches her arms out in front of her. VERONICA: [languorously] Well, it's exhausting. I had one whole class today. KEITH: Did you make any friends? She laughs. VERONICA: Lord, no. KEITH: Enemies? VERONICA: Eee... KEITH: Yeah, well, it is a day that ends in a Y. VERONICA: Hey! You mess with the bull. Veronica holds up a corna, (a fist with the index and little fingers extended), which also illustrates the horns of a Texas Longhorn. Keith chuckles. VERONICA: Okay? She turns back to the pictures and squees. VERONICA: Oh, look, here you are stuffing cupcakes in your face at Magnolia Bakery. Keith stands up. KEITH: Say, you remember I'm gonna be gone a few days, that bail jumper I've been tracking... VERONICA: I'll hold down the fort. KEITH: Yeah...yeah. I'm afraid I put Backup in charge while I'm away. Backup, spread out over Veronica's bed, stirs himself at the mention of his name and barks. KEITH: And he's been instructed to maul your boyfriend if he's here past midnight. VERONICA: Backup's in charge? What about the bitch he's been seeing? Backup, now sitting up, barks again. Keith doesn't bite. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE'S DORM ROOM - DAY. A small ball drops into a hoop on the wall. It falls and rolls back, via a device, towards Wallace, lounging on a beanbag on the floor. As he picks up the ball, the door opens behind him. Piz enters, struggling with a box and some sports gear. Wallace looks behind him. PIZ: Hi. Piz balances the box between the door and his knee, and holds out his hand. Wallace leans back to shake it. WALLACE: Hey. Piz enters the room and heads for the space Wallace hasn't made his own. WALLACE: You must be my roommate. Stosh? PIZ: Uh, call me Piz. But you're...Wallace? Piz puts his stuff down on the empty desk and turns back to Wallace. PIZ: Sorry, there must be some mistake. On my roommate request form, I specifically said I didn't want a roommate who was...uh, you know. Wallace stares at him with a frown. Piz shuffles uncomfortably. Wallace lifts up a hand in confusion. WALLACE: What? PIZ: Better looking than me. I made it very clear. Wallace laughs and levers himself off of the beanbag. WALLACE: Sorry, man. The fairest of them all right here. He shrugs and then points to his side of the room. WALLACE: Took this side. I hope that's cool. PIZ: Yeah, no sweat. I rarely wear clothes indoors. I hope that's cool. Wallace chuckles then shakes his head seriously (in a way very reminiscent of Veronica's response to Wanda's pep squad effort in 106 "Return of the Kane"). WALLACE: That's not cool at all. It's Piz's turn to laugh. Wallace smiles. WALLACE: You got more stuff? PIZ: Uh, just a car full of boxes containing all my worldly possessions. WALLACE: Want some help? Piz punches the air. PIZ: Yes! EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Piz leads Wallace through an archway. PIZ: Over here. They approach a small, dirty, green car. PIZ: Yeah, this fine example of American automotive engineering is mine. Piz opens the boot and both boys stare down into it. It's empty. PIZ: Oh my god! Piz hurries to the side of the car and opens the back door. WALLACE: Where's all your stuff? He quickly slams it shut again. PIZ: It's all gone. Everything I own. It was here five minutes ago. Now it's gone. WALLACE: I know someone. She'll get your stuff back. Piz is pissed off and sceptical. WALLACE: Count on it. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Back in their room, Piz disconsolately tosses one of his few remaining possessions onto the desk. PIZ: This girl, she's, uh, she's our age and she's a [with air quotes] detective. Is she also a cartoon? As Piz paces, Wallace lounges on the chair at his desk. WALLACE: Look, she doesn't carry a magnifying glass or anything. Her dad's a PI. He used to be sheriff. Wallace expels a deep breath. WALLACE: She's picked up a few things. PIZ: Look, I appreciate that, man, but I-I think I'll just let the local police handle it. WALLACE: Yeah, good luck with that. There's a knock on the door (on the back of which is a poster declaring: Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals - Dr. James Naismith, inventor of basketball"). Piz opens the door and is stunned by the sight of Veronica. VERONICA: Hi, I'm Veronica. Are you Piz? PIZ: Yes, um, I'm Piz. Piz doesn't know what to say and fidgets nervously. Veronica smiles and then leans around him. VERONICA: Wallace? Are you in there somewhere? WALLACE: Yeah, come in. Veronica passes Piz to enter the room. Piz regains his senses and closes the door. VERONICA: And you call yourselves college men. Behind her, Piz mouths to Wallace "Who is this?" VERONICA: Where are the posters with beer and half-naked ladies? WALLACE: Oh, it's behind the case of p0rn and my shot glass collection. So, looks like Piz is just gonna let the sheriff handle things. Piz tries to gesture to Wallace to stop, then takes a deep breath. PIZ: Actually, uh, I'd love your help. As Wallace nods knowingly, Veronica turns to face Piz. VERONICA: As to my fee, five hundred, payable in cash, cashier's cheque or a pre-agreed upon exchange of goods or services. PIZ: I could give you guitar lessons. VERONICA: Pass. On the bright side, if I don't get your stuff back, you owe me nothing. She turns back to Wallace. VERONICA: That's the friend of a friend rate. WALLACE: Wait, I haven't even decided if he's cool yet. VERONICA: Well act now. Time is running out on this special offer. She glances back at Piz who smiles tightly. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Piz leads Veronica and Wallace out of the building towards his car, talking quickly. PIZ: So I pulled into the parking lot and there was this... Piz searches to avoid saying "fat." PIZ: ...heavy set girl with a clipboard. She had a Hearst sweatshirt and cap on. Wallace is walking behind Veronica and Piz. A pretty girl passes them which distracts him momentarily. PIZ: Anyway, she checked my name off a list, told me which dorm was mine, and said she'd keep an eye on my stuff while I went and found my room. VERONICA: This girl, did she look like a student? PIZ: Yeah, I guess. She said she was front of the Hearst Welcome Wagon Committee. VERONICA: Wallace said that you lost your clothes, your computer, a guitar- PIZ: [passionately] No, not just a guitar, okay. It was a 1967 Gretsch Astro-jet Red-Top. Veronica holds up "no offence" hands as Piz throws out his arms. PIZ: It's like the holy grail of guitars, okay. I spent two summers mowing lawns just to earn enough to buy it. They reach his car, Veronica and Piz on one side and Wallace on the other. PIZ: This is, this it is. VERONICA: They stole your stuff and covered your car in dirt? You're not welcome here. Veronica inspects the door. VERONICA: Doesn't look like they jimmied their way in. PIZ: It wasn't locked. VERONICA: College campus, all your worldly possessions. Where are you from, Brigadoon? Wallace chuckles. PIZ: Portland, or, well, just outside of Portland, this little suburb called Beaverton. Real salt of the earth people, you know, mini-van in every driveway, chicken in every pot. VERONICA: Where they never ask rhetorical questions? Veronica heads around the other side of the car. Piz holds out a pleading hand before following. PIZ: The Welcome Wagon girl said she'd watch my car. Wallace is staring at the side of the car as Veronica and Piz join him. WALLACE: This is how you know you've gone from high school to college. The word "unwashed" is written on the car, with an arrow down from the H and an arrow up from the D. WALLACE: The graffiti goes highbrow. "Wash me" is so 2005. Veronica sighs and then turns to Piz. VERONICA: Come on, Beaverton. Let's go talk to your RA. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RA'S ROOM - DAY. Be-shirted arms (Laura Ashley does shirts?) pour hot water into a mug of tea. MOE: All your stuff? Frak, that blows. The RA turns to face Veronica and Piz. VERONICA: Qu'est-ce que c'est? Frak? MOE: No Battlestar Galactica fans in the mix, I see. "Frak" is the profanity of the future. I'm trying not to swear. VERONICA: That's very enlightened of you, Moe. So what the frak is with this Hearst Welcome Wagon Committee? Moe takes a seat. MOE: Well, first off, there's no such thing, so there's that. Veronica turns to Piz who gives a wry grin. MOE: It doesn't exist. Moe holds out his mug. MOE: Oolong, anyone? EXT - PRISON - DAY. An inmate and a guard walk towards a small turnstile gate. CORMAC: You gonna miss me, Howard? HOWARD: Not for long. We'll keep the lights on. Cormac Fitzpatrick, carrying a brown paper bag, pushes the gate and exits the prison grounds, leaving the guard behind. A car pulls up where Cormac has stopped on the street. He leans in. CORMAC: You my ride? The driver is Keith. KEITH: Get in, we need to move. Cormac climbs into the car. Keith pulls away. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica, walking across campus, pauses at the sound of clapping. She hears the speaker and veers to watch the Take Back the Night rally. The speaker's voice becomes more audible as she approaches. NANCY: ...here to ask one question to the students of this university, the faculty of this university and to the dean of this university. Nancy is a black girl with very short hair. She is holding a megaphone, addressing a small gathering who are standing in front of a set of steps, the top of which serves as a stage under the Take Back the Night banner. NANCY: How many women like me have to be raped, have to end up like this, their heads shaved before this administration listens to our demands? Veronica heads her way through towards the front of the crowd, the female members of which are making various supportive noises. NANCY: Two wasn't enough? Three wasn't enough. Nancy is flanked by one girl on her right and two on her left. NANCY: They say they are taking steps. Awesome. The dorm wings are same s*x. Is that enough? The "no" that erupts from the crowd is largely female. NANCY: We demand more. As the crowd claps and cheers, Veronica spots Mac and moves towards her. NANCY: Mandatory sensitivity training, an official university sexual conduct code, more security personnel, more outdoor lights - twice as bright, and most of all, Dean O'Dell, shut down the fraternity houses. Nancy holds up a fist and the girls in the crowd cheer. Behind them, a group of boys in fraternity t-shirts boo loudly and gesture with thumbs down. Veronica reaches Mac, who is watching Nancy. VERONICA: [softly] Women. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Mac grins without turning around. MAC: Why can't they just look pretty and get their MRS degrees? VERONICA: Hmm. Veronica moves around to stand next to Mac. VERONICA: How's tricks, kid? MAC: Shrink asked if a lifetime without a libido was such a bad thing. I think she's given up on me. VERONICA: You just need more time. MAC: Irony of all ironies? Frozen from the waist down's new roommate? She's a one woman red light district. VERONICA: Really? MAC: Every night since orientation she's been with some new dude. The phone rings every ten minutes. If college is a boy buffet, she's got two full plates and a purse full of boys wrapped in napkins. VERONICA: Yet the void won't fill. As they turn their attention back to the rally, the sound of loud music starts up. Music: "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect. LYRICS: All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom Just shake your rump All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom Just shake your rump All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom Just shake your rump Check, baby, check, baby, 1-2-3-4 Check, baby, check, baby, 1-2-3 Check, baby, check, baby, 1-2 Check, baby, check, baby, 1 All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom Just shake your rump The fraternity boys start cheering. One of them holds up a portable stereo. The attention of the girls on the steps and the crowd is turned to the fraternity and no one initially notices a boy wearing nothing but Union Jack underwear and a balaclava, and carrying a blow-up doll, do a cartwheel behind the girls on the steps. As the crowd notices and starts to react, Nancy looks behind her and see him, dancing suggestively with the doll, which is dressed in a French maid's uniform. Fern, one of Nancy's supporters on the step, swings her head round too. The dancer writhes, encouraged by the frat boys. The crowd, generally depending on gender, either express approval or disapproval. MAC: It's like we never left Neptune High. Pissed off, Fern strides forward and grabs the blow-up doll. The other two supported rush at the boy and knock him to the ground. They hold him down. Fern arrives and places herself between his outspread legs. FERN: You won't be needing this. Fern draws back her leg, then knees him, hard, in the balls. The boy grunts in pain. One of the other girls lifts the balaclava and pulls it off of his face. It's Dick Casablancas. DICK: Oh, god. Oh. VERONICA: It's exactly like we never left Neptune High. Dick groans in pain. End music: "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect. EXT - ROAD - NIGHT. The lights of Keith's car is the only thing to be seen for miles. Inside the car, Keith drives and Cormac looks at what scenery can be gleaned in the dark. CORMAC: What you did for my Kendall, you saved her life. That's a tough lady to make disappear. Tends to stand out. KEITH: All I did was get her out of town. CORMAC: Ah, it was more than that. New passport, house, ATM card. All with my little brother hot on her heels. KEITH: We're not safe yet. Liam's still looking for her and he'll be looking for you too, Cormac. CORMAC: Naw, he doesn't know I'm out yet. All that good behaviour. KEITH: Well, that's what we've got going for us. As I understand it, your brother believes he's entitled to a cut of Kendall's good fortune. CORMAC: Yeah, Kendall agreed. The quarrel was over the size of that cut. My little brother got greedy. That's always been a problem for that kid. Ah, that's why I'm gonna spend the rest of my days lying on some beach with the woman I love and Liam will end up shived in some state penitentiary INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT. On Logan's bed, Veronica and Logan come up for air after strenuous, sweat-inducing s*x. They lie back in the bed, side by side. VERONICA: Woof! Logan laughs. VERONICA: You should seriously consider going pro in that. LOGAN: What, and miss the college experience? Logan looks over at her and Veronica chuckles. She leans up on one elbow. VERONICA: Don't go anywhere. You're gonna get your brains spooned out whether you like it or not but first... Veronica slides out of bed. VERONICA:...Must. Have. Water. Logan watches her go with a satisfied smile. In the bathroom, having donned a t-shirt, Veronica twists off the cap of a water bottle and pours from it. She looks at herself in the mirror as she sips. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, Veronica. Aren't you the girl who laughed at those idiots who tried to take their high school romances with them to college? Her head spins round at the sound of the room's telephone. In the bedroom, Logan responds by checking the clock - it's 12:15 am - turns on the lamp by the bed, and picks up the receiver just as Veronica races into the room. VERONICA: Logan! No! LOGAN: Yep. She's too late and Logan's face falls as he listens. He pulls the phone to his chest to whisper to Veronica. LOGAN: It's your dad. VERONICA: I forwarded our calls. LOGAN: We need to word on communication. He hands her the phone. LOGAN: Yeah. Veronica sits on the bed and takes the phone. VERONICA: Hi, Dad. Logan snakes his body around the back of Veronica. VERONICA: Nope. He's heading home right now as a matter of fact. He leans into her. Veronica jerks her elbow back to dissuade him. EXT - ROAD - NIGHT. Keith is still driving as he talks to Veronica on his cell. KEITH: All right, honey. Give Logan my regards as you're shaking his hand good night and I'll be sure to call unexpectedly again. Cormac is enjoying the conversation and grins. KEITH: Love you too. Keith closes up the phone. CORMAC: Well they do grow up quickly. When you got Kendall out of town, she was carrying, what, millions, right? KEITH: I saw it. Didn't count it. CORMAC: Kendall's always been a good judge of character. I mean she knows who she can trust and who she can't. A lesser man might have taken advantage. KEITH: I was well compensated. CORMAC: What'd you spend your fee on? KEITH: Bought back my daughter's love. EXT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Veronica and Piz exit Veronica's new car, a silver Saturn. Piz points back to it as they head towards the entrance to the building. PIZ: It's a cool ride. Graduation gift? VERONICA: My dad stood me up for my graduation trip. Lucky for me, he felt really bad about it. PIZ: Stood you up? That's harsh. VERONICA: He had his reasons. PIZ: Well, a Saturn for a Mars. VERONICA: In Neptune. Yeah, the planets really aligned for this one. Now... She points towards the building with her thumbs. VERONICA: ...move your anus. The mercury's rising. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Sacks walks into the hallway followed by Veronica and Piz. SACKS: Don't feel too bad. Same outfit got four other victims. At least, that's how many we've heard about. All of 'em, in the span of ninety minutes. They reached the main counter. Sacks walks around it as Veronica and Piz stop in front of it. PIZ: Yeah, I guess that's comforting. Somehow. VERONICA: Well, they must have had a truck or a van. You mind giving me a list of the other victims? Sacks takes a long, long look over his shoulder at Lamb's closed door. SACKS: [reluctantly] I don't know, Veronica. VERONICA: I track down the bad guys. Call you, you make the busts. You know what that makes everyone, Sacks? A winner. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica walks along with a boy wheeling a bicycle. VERONICA: The woman said she was part of the Hearst Welcome Wagon? FRESHMAN BOY: Yep. VERONICA: Blonde? Chubby? FRESHMAN BOY: Sounds like the one. He walks off and Veronica stares after him. INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Rose exits the bath/shower room in her dressing down, her wet hair flat against her head. Veronica is following. ROSE: I'd been keeping a journal, kind of like a podcast spoken word thing on my iPod. And now some stranger, some thief has it. What if they're listening to it? They reach the open door of Rose's dorm room. She pauses at the door. VERONICA: All the others who got ripped off were freshman. You're a junior? ROSE: Yeah. [offended] What? Are you saying I'm dumb? VERONICA: [quickly] No. It's just...you didn't know there was no such thing as the Hearst Welcome Wagon? ROSE: I just remembered something. I don't know who you are or why I'm talking to you. Rose slams the door in Veronica's face. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica strides across the busy campus, passing a notice board. She stops just past it and then returns to look more closely at something that caught the corner of her eye. It is a flyer for Winston's, advertising a couple of punk bands at an "All Ages Show." The support act is the Perturbed. The main act is the Unwashed. The H and the D of the name has the same arrows as were written on Piz's car. INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica proceeds down the hallway of one of the dorms. She stops at one of the doors. There's a whiteboard with a pink border on the door on one side. It is covered with flowers, lips and bouncy messages, such as "Parker is hot," "Parker hearts you" and "What the frak." On the other side of the door is a small strip of tape on which is written, "Mac." Veronica laughs and then knocks on the door. Loud music can be heard within. Music: "Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls. LYRICS: I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) But you keep frontin' (uh) Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) But I ain't seen nothin' (ah) I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) But you keep frontin' (uh) Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) But I ain't seen nothin' (ah) Typical and hardly The type I fall for I like it when the physical Don't leave me askin' for more I'm a sexy mama (mama) Who knows just how to get what I wanna (wanna) What I wanna do is bring this on ya (on ya) Backup all the things that I told ya (told ya, told ya, told ya) You've been sayin' All the right things all night long But I can't seem to get you over here To help take this off Baby can't you see (see) How these clothes are fittin' on me (me) And the heat comin' from this beat (beat) I'm about to blow, I don't think you know I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) But you keep frontin' (uh) Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) But I ain't seen nothin' (ah) I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh) But you keep frontin' (uh) Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh) But I ain't seen nothin' (ah) The door swings open to reveal Parker, a beaming, bubbly blonde. PARKER: Hey! VERONICA: Mac around? PARKER: Oh my god! Are you one of Mac's friends? Well come on in, sister! Veronica steps into the room. PARKER: Mac's friends are my friends. I'm Parker. Parker holds out her hand to shake. Veronica takes it. VERONICA: Veronica. PARKER: So. I just love Mac. Like love her, like I wish she was a little Bichon Frise I could carry in my purse. I mean, how great is she? VERONICA: She's...pretty great. Parker turns away and walks towards a shirt lying on her bed. Much to Veronica's consternation, and without pausing the gushing of words, Parker pulls her top over her head, leaving her in only a mini-skirt. She drops the top and puts on the shirt. Veronica isn't sure where to look. PARKER: I was a little weirdly disappointed because I had this idea that I'd get like this gangster street chick or some death metal girl and we'd be like all odd couple, but with me and Mac, it was just... Parker turns to face Veronica as she buttons the shirt. PARKER: ...whoosh! Instant sisterhood. Total mesh, total blend. You know, you should come watch Top Model with us tonight. VERONICA: [barely hiding her scepticism]Mac's watching Top Model with you, huh? PARKER: Mm-hm. Parker goes to hang up her top on a hook over one of the wardrobes. Next to it is a large poster of Colin Farrell. VERONICA: Oooh. Your's or Mac's? PARKER: Colin? Oh, he's all mine. He should really love me, don't you think? VERONICA: Depends. Have you had your shots? PARKER: Aww. Parker stares at the poster. PARKER: Look at his eyes. He's just so...soulful and troubled and deep. You just know he'd kick ass in the back seat. Parker giggles. The door opens behind Veronica and Mac enters the room. PARKER: [cheerfully] Hey, roomie! MAC: [unenthusiastically] Hey. Veronica turns to Mac. VERONICA: Wanna go see a band play? MAC: [sincerely] More than anything in the world. PARKER: Oh my god! I'm so totally in! Just give me a sec to change. Parker turns and starts to take off the shirt as Veronica and Mac look helplessly at each other. End music: "Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls. EXT - WINSTON'S - NIGHT. Veronica, Mac and Parker approach the front of the venue. The names of the band are on the large sign above the door. They pause for a moment. MAC: Hey. I know that guy. Waiting outside, next to the queue of people going into the club, are Wallace and Piz, who has his back to them, looking around. VERONICA: Our muscle. Short notice. PARKER: Your boyfriends? MAC: [shortly] No. Veronica leads the girls to the muscle. WALLACE: What's up, V? Hey, Mac. VERONICA: Wallace, Piz, this is Parker. Parker, Wallace and Piz. Piz and Wallace shake hands with Parker who is smiling brightly. PIZ: How do you do? WALLACE: Nice to meet you. VERONICA: And this is Mac. Mac, Piz. Mac and Piz shake hands. MAC: Nice to meet you. VERONICA: So, gang, [with false excitement] are we ready to rock? Veronica does cornas with both hands. MAC: No. WALLACE: Not particularly. Veronica punches the air. VERONICA: That's the spirit! Veronica marches towards the entrance. Parker, the only one genuinely excited, throws her hands up in the air and follows. PARKER: Whoo-hoo! INT - WINSTON'S - NIGHT. The Unwashed, played by real band Four Fifty One, are on stage in the middle of the last song of their set. Music: "Socks and Shoes" by Four Fifty One. LYRICS: It's a bitter one. Don't talk to me, don't tell me How I got to try and feel right now. It's too bad that you're over me now. And now (and now) Felt good when I was feeling high and you dragged me down. It's too bad that you're over me now. And now (and now) Felt good when I was feeling high. What can I say. And we go... Surely, I know and I say You're bitter too. Whilst a lot of people are dancing, Mac, Veronica, Piz and Wallace are watching the band from a table. Mac is enjoying the band, Veronica is indifferent, Piz is watching Veronica, and Wallace is finding the music positively painful. In the crowd, Parker is dancing. PIZ: She seems nice. Mac and Veronica both stare at him, half disapproving and half surprised. End music: "Socks and Shoes" by Four Fifty One. The song comes to an end and the crowd cheers. Parker jumps up and down. Mac claps with some enthusiasm. SINGER: We're the Unwashed. That's it for now, but, uh, Billy's got CDs by the door. Veronica drums the table. VERONICA: That's my cue. She spins off of her seat and races off. PIZ: Where's she going? WALLACE: [without opening his mouth] I don't know. VERONICA: [offscreen] All right, give it up for the Unwashed. Veronica is onstage. The crowd cheer and clap. Parker whistles. VERONICA: I've got a little public service announcement. My friend had everything stolen out of his car over at Hearst in the parking lot of Venice Hall. The crowd cheer loudly. VERONICA: All right. All right. We think someone here tonight might have seen something. My friend is offering a hundred dollar reward for information that'll help him get his stuff back. We're back at that table, if you know something. Veronica leaves the stage. In the crowd, Parker is being chatted up by the lead singer of the Unwashed. She laughs at something he has just said to her. PARKER: Okay. Mac and Veronica are watching from their table. MAC: Look at her. She's like boynip. Three younger boys approach the table. RAT BOY: We saw you get ripped off. VERONICA: You're twelve. What were you doing up at Hearst? FERRET BOY: Checking out the college girls laying out. Some of them go topless. WALLACE: Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Hold up right there, son. Tell us exactly where this sunbathing goes on. FERRET BOY: South quad. Where that statue is. VERONICA: What are you saying you saw? PIZ: Is it the Randolph Hearst statue or the amorphous blobby thing? Veronica brings Piz back to earth. VERONICA: Breasts or the Holy Grail guitar? RAT BOY: We'd just come back from the parking lot. We saw these two dudes in a moving van pull up by this car. They just starting throwing stuff from the car into the van in a major hurry. VERONICA: Anything you remember about the two dudes or the van? RAT BOY: They were black dudes. WALLACE: 'Course they were. FERRET BOY: And the van didn't have any windows. It was white, I think. VERONICA: Is that all? RAT BOY: That's a lot. Where's our reward? VERONICA: You didn't see squat. Motor, munchkins. Veronica shoos them away. The boys turn to go. FERRET BOY: I told ya, man. Bogus. The leader of them turns back to the table. RAT BOY: There was a chick there, a white chick. VERONICA: 'Course there was. RAT BOY: She hopped up in the cab with them. PIZ: A blonde? Chubby. The kid points at Piz. RAT BOY: Naw. That was the weird part. I thought she was a heifer at first. When she hopped in, she pulled off her sweatshirt...she had a slammin' bod. Girl was packed tight, like she was wearing a fat suit. Veronica stares at them in surprise. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT. Mac is in bed. There's a banging at the door. Dick's voice drifts in. DICK: [offscreen] C'mon, Parker. Why you wanna be like that, girl? Mac gets out of bed and walks slowly to the door. DICK: [offscreen] It's the right time of the night. It's the right time of the night for making... Mac opens the door DICK: ...love. Dick, who's drunk, and Mac, who's horrified, stare hard at each other. MAC: Parker's out somewhere with the Unwashed. I'll tell her that Needs Hosed Down dropped by. Dick gives her a sneer. Mac starts to close the door but pauses on Dick's response. DICK: My little brother never cared about you, you know? You were just his beard. Mac stares at him, but is saved any need to retort by the appearance of her dorm's resident advisor, who comes out into the hall from another room. ANGRY R.A.: Hey, you! What's your name? You're not supposed to be here. Dick plays the fool. DICK: Isn't this the boys' floor? Oh, gosh, I am so lost. I'm just a dumb freshman who wandered onto the wrong floor. Wow! Campus is so confusing. Thanks for understanding. I'm just gonna show myself out. Dick starts to walk away. Mac looks out to watch, still crushed by his words. ANGRY R.A.: Lemme see your school ID. DICK: We're supposed to have IDs? See, I don't know anything. College had got me plumb flustered. He turns away again, exiting post haste. DICK: Goodnight, ladies. Mac stands at her door, staring after him, looking like she wants to be sick. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Piz is sitting on the same bench that Logan was a few days before. He looks at his watch and over his shoulder. He fidgets and plays with his hair, anxious. He doesn't spot Veronica appear behind him, carrying a large paper bag. VERONICA: Hey! She takes a seat next to him, setting the bag on the bench between them. VERONICA: These are for you. Piz takes the bag and peers into it. VERONICA: Clothes, a friend of mine's, he can't use them anymore. You look about the same size. PIZ: Thanks. VERONICA: Hm-mm. Oh, and I think I found your guitar. It popped up on Craigslist late last night and the seller's just off campus. EXT - NEPTUNE HOUSE - DAY. Veronica and Piz exit the Saturn, parked in the driveway of a house, numbered 1752. They go to the door and knock. A man answers. DONALD: You here about the guitar? VERONICA: That's us. He invites them in. DONALD: [offscreen] I wasn't really looking for a guitar... [SCENE_BREAK] INT - NEPTUNE HOUSE - DAY. The man carries a guitar case into the main room. DONALD:...but I went to the flea market yesterday and I found this. Girl was selling it for five hundred dollars. She had no idea what she had. You won't find one of these for under five grand. But, I'd be willing to let it go for four. He lays the case on a couch. Veronica and Piz are sitting on another couch. Piz leans forward, barely able to contain his anticipation. He and Veronica both rise as the man opens the case. PIZ: That's it! That's my stolen guitar DONALD: What? PIZ: Go ahead, look in the pick tray. There'll be two millimetre picks from Guitar Town in Portland. The man lifts the guitar and holds it up while he looks in a compartment in the bottom of the case. As Piz claimed, there are two picks from Guitar Town. DONALD: Okay, yeah, so? VERONICA: This girl who sold you the guitar, can you describe her? DONALD: Blonde, thin, pretty smokin' bod. Piz does a "there you go" slap on Veronica's arm and grins. INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica walks down the hallway of a dorm. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Donald Fagan, the current possessor of Piz's guitar offered to sell it back to Piz for the five hundred dollars he paid for it. A better plan, I think, is to make the thief pay for it. Veronica stops outside Rose's door. She gets her camera out of her bag and knocks. Rose opens the door. Before she even has a chance to register who her visitor is, Veronica puts the camera to her eye. VERONICA: Smile. Veronica takes a picture. VERONICA: Thanks. Veronica races away. Rose is not happy. ROSE: Hey! Wait a minute! Veronica is gone. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE'S DORM - DAY. On the door to Wallace and Piz's room, attached to the whiteboard is the handwritten message: "Gone Bird Watching." Veronica shakes her head with a knowing smile. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, SOUTH QUAD - DAY. There are many girls sunbathing in bikinis, laying on the grass. One of them has packed up her stuff and leaves her friends. GIRL: See ya, guys. GIRLS: Bye. She walks past Wallace and Piz, who are standing at the edge of the grassy area, purportedly playing Hacky Sack. Wallace half-heartedly tosses the sack to Piz with his foot, but Piz is too busy watching the girl go by, as is Wallace. Veronica arrives and stands in front of them as they both stare at the back of the departing girl. VERONICA: You guys are pathetic. WALLACE: It's a white man's sport. VERONICA: Right, because I was talking about the Hacky Sack. Veronica takes her camera out of her bag and walks to Piz. VERONICA: Piz, is this the Welcome Wagon girl? She shows him the picture of Rose, which he glances at, still distracted by the sights. PIZ: Hard to say, m-maybe. VERONICA: Add a few extra pounds. He looks again, trying to concentrate. PIZ: Yeah, I'm trying to. I don't think it's her. Discouraged, Veronica turns and gazes out over the quad. VERONICA: It's not often you get to see bikini babes in their natural habitat. Such gentle, yet elusive creatures. She looks back at Piz and Wallace who are immune to her sarcasm and pretty much to her very presence as they remain enrapt with the girls on the grass. VERONICA: Okay. You two have fun being gross, I'll just continue trying to find your stuff, on my own, with no help. She walks away. Belatedly, Piz responds, shouting after her. PIZ: That's why you make the big money. Wallace waves her goodbye, then has another attempt as passing the sack to Piz. It lands disregarded at his feet. EXT - ROAD - DAY. Keith is standing by the front of the car. Cormac is behind him, leaning against the side of the car. The bonnet is open and steam is rising from the engine. Keith is trying to read a map and use his cell at the same time. The phone gives off a couple of beeps. KEITH: No signal. CORMAC: And not one car for ten minutes. Keith joins Cormac and shows him the map. KEITH: Highway turns back in a few miles. Looks like if we just walk due east, we'd see the town of Granger in three or four miles. CORMAC: Nah, I don't think we want to do that. Have you spent much time in the desert, Keith? KEITH: Naw, can't say that I have. CORMAC: First time I got busted, judge gave me the option: two years in the army or two years in Huntsville. Well, I chose the army. We did our training in west Texas before they sent me to Iraq for Desert Storm. Between here and Granger, you got...rattlesnakes, coyote traps, scorpions, hippies doing mushrooms, all kinds of bad stuff. Yeah, let's, let's wait it out. You know, someone will help us. I've bided my time for five years, what's a few more hours. Keith chuckles. INT - DONALD FAGAN'S HOUSE - DAY. Veronica is holding up the camera with the picture of Rose on display. VERONICA: Is it her? DONALD: I'm ninety percent that's her. Eh, whoa, you know what, make it eighty, eighty percent sure. Veronica sighs, then notices something behind Donald. She points to a book: Profiling by Hank Landry, Ph.D., 2nd Edition. VERONICA: Hey, are you in Landry's profiling class? Donald glances back at the book. DONALD: Oh, last year. Yeah, man's tough. VERONICA: I have him for Intro to Criminology. Did you do the mentoring thing, 'cause I'm thinking about it? DONALD: Best thing that I did as an undergrad, working with those kids. You can read all about street crime in a text book, but mentoring takes everything out of the theoretical, really grounds it. You should sign up. Veronica feigns excitement on seeing a photo behind Donald. VERONICA: Oh my god. You can settle a debate for me. She walks around him and grabs the photo. It shows his with a large blonde girl, posing against a cityscape. She holds it out. VERONICA: Is this on the Empire State Building or the Chrysler Building? DONALD: That, that's actually the Space Needle in Seattle. VERONICA: I have to remember not to debate my dad when it comes to architecture. Veronica effects a dry throat. VERONICA: Can I have a glass of water? DONALD: Sure. Donald leaves to accommodate her. Veronica stares down at the picture. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LANDRY'S CLASS - DAY. Dr. Landry is just finishing up. DR. LANDRY: So, by the time you finish your reading this weekend, you should be able to discuss crime and social control in relation to biological and sociological positivism. See you Tuesday. The students start to collect their belongings and leave. Veronica makes her way to the front of the room where Timothy is lingering. VERONICA: Excuse me. Um, I was interested in the mentoring programme. You're the guy to talk to, right? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, TIMOTHY'S OFFICE - DAY. Timothy takes some files from a filing cabinet and passes them to Veronica as he clears his throat. He hasn't warmed to his record-breaking successor. TIMOTHY: You can take your pick. All of them have juvenile records. He takes the seat at his desk, leaning back to look up at her. TIMOTHY: Most of the girls, it's shoplifting, fighting, chronic truancy. VERONICA: Wait. Just because I'm a girl, that means I have to mentor a girl? TIMOTHY: Yes. VERONICA: That's just in case they get their period or something, right? Mac appears at the open door behind Veronica. She taps on the doorframe. MAC: You Tim? TIMOTHY: Who are you? MAC: Dr. Landry needs you back in the lecture hall. VERONICA: I'll wait. Timothy leaves the office. Mac and Veronica share a conspiratorial smile before Mac leaves. Veronica goes to the files. She finds the file for Donald Fagan from the photo of his attached to the front. Behind it are the youths he is mentoring. It is the same three youths who approached Veronica at Winston's, claiming to have witnessed the theft from Piz's car. Veronica smiles. EXT - ROAD - NIGHT. Keith is lying on the back seat of his car, asleep. A flashing light reflects on his face and there's a knock on the top of the car. Keith wakes up to see Cormac leaning into the car. CORMAC: Tow truck's here. Keith rises and sees the tow truck starting its work of connecting to the car. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - NIGHT. Veronica and Logan are sitting at a small table for two in the middle of the food court. Logan is eating while Veronica drinks from a bottle. VERONICA: Wallace says you're in his sociology class. LOGAN: Really? I haven't seen him. VERONICA: Maybe because you haven't showed up for class. LOGAN: Well, that's certainly one possibility. Logan leans down and reaches into his bag. He pulls out and slaps down in front of Veronica a gift made up almost entirely of a large red bow. LOGAN: Here. A bonus birthday gift. VERONICA: You got me a bow? A bow? How did you guess? Veronica grabs the bow and starts to try to find the actual gift. LOGAN: Open it, smarty pants. The bow is attached to a key card from the Neptune Grand. She holds it up. VERONICA: Your room key? LOGAN: Um-hm. VERONICA: What if I drop in unexpectedly? The other girls will have to- She smacks her lips and gestures with her thumb, to indicate "Scram." LOGAN: [sincerely] Stop it. You know there's no one else. I only want you. He covers her hand with his own. He bends over and kisses her hand. LOGAN: You ought to know that by now. Veronica smiles and drops her head. She is genuinely touched and at a loss for words. LOGAN: What and no quip? Veronica looks up at him but notices something over his shoulder. She points. VERONICA: Look. Logan looks around. It's Dick, heading straight for a girl sitting alone at one of the tables. VERONICA: [offscreen] It's your BFF, the town drunk. Dick takes the chair, spins it around, and takes a seat, legs akimbo. He rests his elbow on the back of the chair and his head on his hand as he leans forward. DICK: Hi, my name's Dick. What's yours? DEE DEE: Dee Dee. DICK: How long have we known each other, Dee Dee? DEE DEE: Eight...seconds. DICK: So, where's this going, Dee Dee? I mean is this thing we feel real or are we just in it for the torso butter? Dick takes some food from the table and chews. Veronica and Logan watch, Logan with increasing concern. DICK: Truth is, I've been kicked out of on-campus housing, and I know timing's a little sooner than we hoped for but what do you say we move in together? Make our own love nest. Dick sticks out his tongue lasciviously. DEE DEE: You should really walk away. DICK: You'd like that, wouldn't you? I'll admit it. The kid looks good walking away. It's all me too. Ass like Marky Mark and the entire Funky Bunch. Before Dick can make more of a fool of himself, a large boy grabs him violently from behind and throws him forcibly from the chair to the ground. Logan turns to Veronica. LOGAN: Your bag. Veronica swings it over quickly and Logan grabs it. On the floor, Dick starts to get up but the big guy punches him hard, sending him back down. The same thing happens again. The big guy grabs Dick and lifts him to a standing position. Dick just looks at him and makes no effort to defend himself as the guy pulls back his arm for another punch. Before he can throw it, there is the sound of electricity and the guy falls, revealing Logan behind him with the taser. Dick looks down at the guy and then up at Logan. DICK: [resentfully] What? Do you want a hug or something? Dick storms off. Logan looks sad. On the other side of the food court, Veronica watches. Piz arrives behind her, wearing one of Duncan's Argyll shirts (the one Logan borrowed in 206 "Rat Saw God"). PIZ: Does that sort of thing work with college girls? Veronica turns to face him. PIZ: 'Cause I'll tell ya up front. I'm a lover, I'm not a fighter. Veronica gives Piz a bemused look. Logan steps up behind and she turns back to him. LOGAN: I'm gonna try to talk to him. As he bends down to kiss Veronica, he clocks Piz with raised eyebrows. He and Veronica kiss. As he straightens up, he looks at Piz. LOGAN: Nice shirt. Logan walks away and Veronica turns to face Piz again. PIZ: You wanted me to meet you here? VERONICA: Yeah, uh... As Veronica bends down to her bag, Piz's feelings at discovering that Veronica has a boyfriend are clearly marked on his face. He's pissed. Veronica straightens and holds up the picture she took from Donald Fagan. VERONICA: Is this the Welcome Wagon girl? PIZ: Yeah, that's her. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. The camera lingers on the picture Fagan and the girl. VERONICA: [offscreen] The girl in the photo is the Welcome Wagon girl. The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica and Piz at the Sheriff's Department. Veronica has changed, but Piz is still in the Argyll. VERONICA: The guy is the ringleader. Sacks, sitting at his desk, is holding the picture. SACKS: And you're sure that's her. PIZ: That's her. Veronica pulls the files she took from Timothy's office of the youths. VERONICA: His name is Donald Fagan and these three charming lads are the kids he mentors. Sacks flips through them. VERONICA: [offscreen] Thieves. All of them. EXT - DONALD FAGAN'S HOUSE - DAY. In a hard top area behind Fagan's house, where his garage is, Veronica and Piz have set themselves up in deckchairs, with a good view of the back of the house and the garage. PIZ: Okay, so why would those kids at the club talk to us if they knew they'd stolen my stuff. VERONICA: Um, so they could steer us in the wrong direction? Then they just repeated the story to their mentor so the stories would match. PIZ: So you do realise there's not a lot of college freshman girls who do this sort of thing. You know. [whispers] Solve crimes. VERONICA: [faux surprise] There aren't? PIZ: So why do you do it? Veronica shakes her head and lets out a deep breath, but remains flip. VERONICA: Cold, hard cash. PIZ: Seriously. Veronica starts to get uncomfortable. VERONICA: Um. PIZ: Wallace told me about your friend, who was murdered. This news is unwelcome. VERONICA: Because I'm good at it, maybe, I don't know. She shrugs. VERONICA: Wallace should stick to analysing himself. Veronica takes a long swig from a bottle of water and is spared further interrogation when Sacks exits from the small gate next to Fagan's garage door, followed by a blustering Fagan and another deputy. DONALD: This is not right, this is absolutely not right. You cannot just walk into my house... Veronica leans over to Piz. VERONICA: You wanna know why I do it? Here it comes. She pats his leg. VERONICA: This is the good part. Fagan is still babbling. DONALD: ...come into my house, an-an-and take my things from me and then- He spots Veronica and Piz. Veronica gives his a "cheers" gesture with the bottle. Piz waves. Both are smiling. Fagan drops his objections as the garage door slides up. PIZ: I might actually get my stuff back. VERONICA: I might actually get paid. As the door opens, stacks of goods are revealed. Veronica offers her bottle to Piz to clink, which he dutifully does. VERONICA: Boom goes the dynamite. Piz laughs and then gives her a quick glance. PIZ: So is that guy from last night your boyfriend? Veronica hesitates. She thinks for a moment, then looks over at Piz with some surprise. EXT - KENDALL'S HIDEOUT - NIGHT. It's pitch black as Keith and Cormac pull up at the small, isolated, shack-like cabin. They pause a moment and study the house. Kendall can be seen through the window. CORMAC: There she is. Kendall, on seeing them, races from the window. CORMAC: Ever have a woman who loved you so much, she'd do time for you? Kendall wrenches open the door and runs towards the car. Cormac climbs out and meets her halfway. She flies into his arms, her legs around his waist. KENDALL: Baby! They spin round and around under Keith's doleful gaze. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC'S DORM - NIGHT. Veronica rounds the corner to find Mac sitting against the wall next to the door to her room. VERONICA: I figured out the knocking thing. You could have waited in your room. MAC: [miserably] Parker's in there with some guy. VERONICA: Well, let's head out. The midnight movie waits for no man. MAC: Our tickets are in there, stuck in the mirror... [sarcastically peppy] above her suggestion box and tip jar. VERONICA: Well, frak. Give me your keys. Mac, who hasn't moved from her spot on the floor, hands her keys up to Veronica. Veronica quietly opens the door and enters the room. The radio is playing the end of an unidentified song. Veronica looks over towards Parker's bed and hears a sexual grunt. CLUB FLUSH: You're listening to Club Flush on KRFF, Hearst College Radio. She creeps to the mirror and gets the tickets. VERONICA: Don't mind me. She secures the tickets and hurries out. INT - KENDALL'S HIDEOUT - NIGHT. Keith, in a short-sleeved shirt, is sitting in an armchair, finishing off a plateful of cake. KEITH: That's excellent cake, Kendall. Cormac is sitting on the couch. Kendall is sitting in his lap, feeding him cake. KENDALL: Well, I'll tell Sara Lee you approve. We decided where we're going to run off to, Keith. KEITH: I don't want to know. KENDALL: It's got sand and water. KEITH: Stop. But that reminds me. I've got Cormac's travel documents in the car. I'll just grab them and get outta here. Give you kids some private time. Keith rises, dons his cap and heads for the door. CORMAC: Hurry, Keith. We might not be able to contain ourselves. EXT - KENDALL'S HIDEOUT - CONTINUING. Keith exits the cabin and walks towards the car. He checks his pockets as he goes, then pauses when he doesn't find he keys. He turns to walk back to the cabin and then thinks better of it. He trots to the car, rubbing his arms with the cold. The car is unlocked. He opens the door and reaches for the briefcase, warming his hands with his breath first. He reaches into the case and pulls out a small pouch. He notices something else in the case and reaches in for it. It's a pen, marked: Vincent Van Lowe Investigations. KEITH: Ah no, Vinnie, please tell me you're not working for Liam. Keith quickly unscrews the pen. It has a transmitter inside. Keith looks up and around, deeply worried. He opens his glove compartment to get his gun. It's not in its holster. Keith pulls out the holster, mind working quickly. He wrenches himself out of the cars and runs towards the cabin. He crashes through the door, shouting. KEITH: Kendall! INT - KENDALL'S HIDEOUT - CONTINUING. Keith freezes as he hears a shot. Cormac is pointing a gun into another room in the cabin. He fires another shot and Keith flinches. Cormac turns to face Keith. Cormac brings up the gun and points it at Keith. Keith takes off outside, perhaps winged by the bullet. EXT - KENDALL'S HIDEOUT - CONTINUING. Keith stumbles as he exits the cabin. He picks himself up and runs, only to trip on a rock. He pulls himself up and crawls around a large rock. Cormac comes to the door of the cabin. CORMAC: [sarcastically peppy] Awfully cold night, Keith. Cormac walks out a little way from the cabin. CORMAC: I'll come and pick up your carcass in the morning. Guess Kendall wasn't that great a judge of character after all. Cormac goes back into the cabin, leaving Keith outside, shivering. EXT - NEPTUNE GRAND, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT. Logan stands on the balcony, brushing his teeth with an electric toothbrush, looking out over Neptune, thoughtful. There's a knock on the door inside. Logan turns and looks into the suite for a moment before responding. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING. As he walks towards the door of the suite, Logan throws the toothbrush onto the couch. He opens the door and comes to a halt. It's Dick. His face looks like a punchbag. He is dishevelled and in somewhat of a state. His breathing is ragged. DICK: I don't have anywhere else to go. LOGAN: Yeah, hey, it's all right, I...you can stay here. Logan jerks his head, beckoning Dick in but Dick doesn't move. He starts to cry. Logan goes to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. DICK: I messed up bad. Logan examines his face intently for a moment. LOGAN: It's gonna be okay. Dick starts to cry harder. Logan pulls him into a hug. LOGAN: Come here. They stand in the hall, Dick sobbing in Logan's arms. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC'S DORM - NIGHT. Mac and Veronica enter the hall. Veronica is tipsy. MAC: You worked in a coffee shop. How can you not know that an Irish coffee has whisky in it? Veronica heads for the wrong room. Mac pulls her back on track. VERONICA: At Java the Hut, it meant a latt with a little shot of Irish Cream syrup. MAC: That explains the first one you ordered. VERONICA: They were magically delicious. And they served me. Boo-yah! Veronica slaps Mac's hand. Mac giggles. MAC: Yeah, boo-yah. You probably shouldn't drive home. VERONICA: I'm fine...okay, maybe not. They both giggle. Mac uses the key to open the door to her room and pops her head in. MAC: And we're dude free. The couch is yours. Veronica pumps her fist and races into the room. Mac follows and shuts the door. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Veronica, crashed out on the small couch in the room, awakens at the sound of an anguished scream. She sits up in bed abruptly, as does Mac. Parker is staring at herself in the mirror. Her head has been shaved. She cries out again. Veronica looks over at Mac, who stares back at her in distress. Veronica returns her attention to Parker, still in shock and wailing at the mirror. Veronica is horrified. End.

The fall term at Hearst College starts and Veronica and Logan are dating. Veronica is still living at home, and Mac and Wallace each have roommates. Wallace's roommate Piz asks Veronica to recover his stolen possessions. Veronica sneaks into Parker and Mac's darkened room to retrieve an item, and successfully avoids disturbing what she thinks is consensual sex. Parker later awakens from her drugged stupor to find her head shaved, and Veronica is horrified to realize she unintentionally allowed Parker to be raped.

fd_The_O.C._03x16

fd_The_O.C._03x16_0

Opening scene - Summers bedroom - the first thing we see is a close up of Summer, she has a thoughtful/contemplative expression. we then hear Summers voice only she isn't actually talking Summer (voice over): some might say as a teenage girl growing up in Orange County everything is ours for the taking (raises eyebrows) but sooner or later we have'ta choose (we see 2 swim suits lying out on Summers bed, she looks down at them. we then hear a knock at the door and Summer looks over, Marissa is standing there) Marissa: hey (Summer holds her finger up to Marissa as if to say hold on. we hear the voice over again) Summer (v.o): you don't choose ta choose, choosing chooses you Marissa: (frowns) ok what's that (points) Summer: (v.o): and when we choose we're left with our choi- (Summer runs over and stops her stereo. we now realise it's a recording that Summer was actually playing to herself of her own voice/thoughts) Marissa: (points) oh my god you're listening to your own voice Summer: you see all the TV shows I watch, all these women have voiceovers they even gave one to April on the Valley (Marissa looks at her) now where most'a these voiceovers (squints) they don't make much sense (points) they do make your life seem more (raises eyebrows) dramatic an meaningful Marissa: so you think our lives need ta be (raises eyebrows, emphasises with finger) more - dramatic Summer: (points) no not yours (shakes head) but it's our senior year second semester an I think things should be more poignant, an we don't have much time Marissa: yeah well your right about that last part we don't have much time, cause we're late so come on (leaves) Seth an Ryan are waiting for us Summer: (calls) ill be right there (Summer goes back over to her stereo and pushes a button. the voiceover starts again. Summer goes back over to her bed) Summer: (v.o): no one said choosing would be easy, but not choosing is even less easy...or something (frowns) (Summer picks up the red swim suit and looks at it) CUT TO: Cohen backyard, night - Seth and Summer are opposite each other in the hot tub, we see Marissa get in near Summer Summer: so where is Atwood anyway Seth: I don't know, but I don't care Marissa: yeah I haven't seen him for a while (frowns) Seth: yeah but look at it this way, the hot tubs roomier (Marissa/Summer look at him) plus, two girls an a guy I like those odds (Summer and Marissa look at each other) Summer: you know what (looks at Seth, Marissa does to) your right Cohen (nods) hot tub, house to (looks at Marissa) ourselves (Seth looks at them) Marissa: I have been kinda lonely (looks at Summer) and I have kissed a girl before (smiles, touches Summers shoulder suggestively) Summer: (laughs, smiles, looks at Marissa) (Marissa smiles and shrugs at Seth) an I've always wanted to Seth: uhhh, you guys are kidding (smiles a little uncomfortably) Summer: you know what they say Cohen (moves closer, Marissa does as well) what happens (raises eyebrow) in the hot tub Marissa: stays in the hot tub (Summer laughs) Seth: yeah, you guys are really committed to this joke, I commend you (looks down) (Summer and Marissa are now either side of Seth, they have their hands on his chest/shoulders, and strangely he doesn't seem to be enjoying it) Marissa: who's joking Summer: yeah Seth: oh Summer: (rubs Seth's chest) Cohen whats'a matter Seth: nothin Marissa: (cutesy, touches Seth's ear) your not man enough for two girls Seth: I gotta call Ryan (leaves the hot tub) (Summer and Marissa laugh as Seth gets out, they clearly enjoyed torturing Seth. poor guy) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan is under the kitchen sink and Sadie is there with him holding a flashlight, just not under as far. Ryan is trying to fix the pipe Sadie: be gentle that pipe is old Ryan: uh-hh yeah, if you're such an expert why'd you ask for my help Sadie: (laughs) I didn't ask for your help Ryan: that's alright, almost got it Sadie: mm-hmm Ryan: almost Sadie: wait hold on, not so hard not so hard, your gonna break it, your gonna break it Ryan: no its (pulls on the pipe) its not gonna break Sadie: don't do it so hard (the pipe breaks and water sprays out over them, Ryan and Sadie quickly get out) Sadie: quick turn it off Ryan: I got it I got it Sadie: (laughs) thankyou for the help Ryan: here's a towel (playfully puts it in Sadie's face) any time at your service, you're too dry though Sadie: (laughs) that's mean Ryan: you ok, fine, oh (we hear a knock at the door. Sadie wipes the front of her with a tea towel. Ryan motions to the door) Sadie: ill get that, an some towels (Ryan wipes his face and Sadie heads to the door, she fixes her top and then looks towards the door. we hear what sounds like police communication and see flashing blue and red lights through the glass panel. Sadie looks worried. back in the kitchen Ryan's phone rings, he sighs and then answers) Ryan: hey man (we see Sadie open the door. 2 policemen are standing there. Sadie looks worried) Officer: is this the Harper residence, got some questions ma'm (we now see Seth on his phone near the hot tub, we can hear Marissa and Summer laughing) Seth: you were suppose'ta be here an hour ago Ryan: yeah I know I'm sorry we just finished painting an the sink got clogged Seth: I've got two girls in bikinis tryin'a seduce me (we see Summer and Marissa looking over at Seth, still smiling and laughing) Seth: which sounds awesome, but I'm scared...an I'm wet an I'm cold Ryan Ryan: ok alright ill be right there, just gotta towel off Seth: (frowns) why d'you need ta towel off (Ryan hangs up and puts his phone down, then looks over towards the door. a dazed Sadie comes back into the kitchen, and the officers are still at the door) Sadie: you should probably go home Ryan: what're they doing here Sadie: they have some questions about Johnny Ryan: an what kinda questions Sadie: (frowns) there saying his death might not'a been an accident Ryan: no, I saw what happened I was there Sadie: I know, so do they, just... go home I got this (pushes Ryan towards the back door) Ryan: you sure Sadie: go Ryan: yeah ok, yeah (Ryan puts on his jacket and Sadie goes back over to the door. Ryan leaves. we see the flashing lights reflect on the house as he does) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Trailer park, next morning - Marissa and Summer are inside together. Marissa is getting ready for school and Summer is sitting on the bed Summer: I was thinking of having a party, something small maybe you me Seth Ryan Marissa: that's not a party, that's a double date Summer: (thinks) a double date (stands) Coop that's a great idea why don't we do it this weekend Marissa: can we just play it by ear Summer: (arms folded) why, so you can come up with some last minute excuse to get out of it Marissa: (sighs) hey it wasn't me who didn't show last night that was Ryan Summer: that's true, did you guys come up with some sort of system or something (points) Marissa: look ill call him later, we'll figure out a time to sit down an talk, ok (Marissa and Summer walk out of the bedroom area into the kitchen) Summer: you know, I love our pep talks, so affirming, wish I could have em with my dad Marissa: (frowns) what's wrong with your dad Summer: oh he's jus been working hellacious hours ever since step monster left, he was still asleep when I left this morning Marissa: (shrugs) well maybe he's just busy Summer: yeah well that's the point, he's been burying himself in his work to avoid staring into the emotional void Marissa: I'm sure he'll snap out of it Summer: (looks at Marissa) yeah, so will you an Ryan (smiles confidently) (Marissa looks at Summer and then her phone rings) Summer: what did I tell ya, ill be outside (smiles, leaves) (Marissa sighs and then answers) Marissa: hello...yeah this is CUT TO: Johnny's house - Sadie is on the phone to Gwen, Johnny's mom Sadie: no Aunt Gwen you just stay up there with my mom (we see Ryan and Seth come in the back door) Sadie: I don't know, I don't know but ill figure it out (Ryan looks worried) Seth: (points to the sink) I love what you've done there (Ryan sighs) probably get a cable show ta pay for that ? TVs extremely sad home makeovers (Ryan nods) Sadie: no ones taking your house (Ryan/Seth look over) I promise, ok, love you bye (hangs up) Ryan: hey (Sadie walks over) so I just thought id stop by before school, see how everything's going Sadie: the banks gonna foreclose on my aunts mortgage, an until the cops figure out how Johnny died...there's no insurance money from his accident, so now the insurance companies frozen the claim Ryan: he fell off a cliff Seth: yeah what'do they think Ryan pushed him Sadie: I guess they've recovered some new evidence Ryan: (frowns) what evidence Sadie: I don't know, they wouldn't say (Ryan looks at her, then Seth frowns) don't worry its not you there interested in (frowns) they asked alotta questions about Marissa Ryan: and Sadie: an I said they should talk ta her (Ryan nods) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Julie is sitting at the table which has New Match paper work all over it, Kirsten is standing near her Kirsten: as you can tell we are over our advertising budget for the month (Julie doesn't appear to be paying attention) maybe we can put something up on (Julie yawns) ocnewmatch dot com, we could call our old Newport publisher an see if he could put New Match (sits) in one of his high end lifestyle magazines Julie: you want some more coffee (stands) Kirsten: Julie are you even listening to me Julie: yes, of course I'm listening you've been talking ever since I got here Kirsten: (looks at Julie) what's going on with you, you've been zombie-like all week Julie: ooooh (moves head side to side) another late one with Doc Roberts, in the back of his Maserati no less Kirsten: I didn't know Maserati's had back seats (Julie looks at her) maybe you two should stop sneaking around an go public Julie: I don't disagree an neither does my chiropractor (sighs) but you know with the death of Marissa's friend an Summer being left motherless for the second time we just don't wanna make any unnecessary waves (Julie takes a sip of her coffee and we hear a phone ring. Julie looks at who is calling and then answers) Julie: hello (we now see Neil on his phone, heading towards his car) Neil: good morning gorgeous, how'd you sleep Julie: all by my lonesome Neil: yeah well we've gotta do something about that don't we (picks up a note on the car, it reads "Quit working so late! miss you, Sum) just found a note from Summer I think she's getting suspicious (Julie listens) I hate keeping secrets from the kids you know Julie: yes, well maybe we should discuss that...covertly of course (smiles) Neil: (now in the car) how bout tomorrow night, I know the perfect hide away Julie: well I like the sound of that (laughs) ok ill see you tomorrow (hangs up) (Kirsten looks over at Julie) Julie: oh Kiks I'm so tired I could really use a quick cat nap, wake me in twenty (Julie walks off and Kirsten looks at her in disbelief) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt is in his office, on the phone Matt: well I pulled the permits unfortunately I think I left them at- (we hear a knock and Matt looks over towards the doorway. Maya is standing there with papers in her hand, smiling) Matt: uhh scratch that ill fax them from here (hangs up, stands) Maya: you need'ta start tying a little string around your finger Matt: do I (kisses Maya) Maya: mm, yesterday it was your wallet, Monday it was your Blackberry Matt: well, I find you very distracting in the morning (Maya laughs) in the afternoon, late at night (kisses Maya) Maya: mm does that mean you're comin over tonight Matt: mm-hmm (nods, kisses Maya) Sandy: Matt we are way outta time with the hospital you gotta talk ta- (Sandy sees that Maya is with Matt now) Sandy: Maya, what a nice suprise Maya: morning Sandy your looking well (smiles) Sandy: oh you too, I'm sorry ta interrupt (to Matt) buzz me when you're free Maya: oh he's free now, nobody respects company time like a company girl (smiles) Matt: umm thankyou for uh Maya: yeah ill have my assistant pick up some string for those fingers (Matt half smiles) (to Sandy) say hello to Kirsten for me Sandy: you bet (Maya leaves and Matt looks at Sandy) Sandy: already with the early office drop in, you two are really hittin it off Matt: yeah she is really great Sandy: well I'm glad to hear it, cause if we don't get that proposal to Dr Griffin an the board by Monday (shakes head) we're dead in the water Matt: (looks down then at Sandy) yeah I know, but the way things are between Maya an I right now I jus cant come out an ask her to get us a meeting with her dad, if I don't do this the right way it could all backfire Sandy: (looks at Matt) you need to come through (nods)...the clock is ticking (Matt watches Sandy as he leaves) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are in the student lounge together, Summer is on her phone and Seth is reading next to her Summer: um yeah can you just tell him that his daughter called again (Seth looks at her) thanks (hangs up, sadly) oy Seth: as in vey (Summer looks at him) (clicks) atta girl Summer: apparently my dads in "surgery" all day, how many calf implants does it take to fill a hole (raises eyebrows) in the human heart (Taylor comes over and sits between Seth and Summer) Taylor: hi friends Seth: hey Summer: oh hey Taylor: (looks at Seth) so what're we (looks at Summer) talking about Seth: Summers worried her dads burying his pain an loneliness in his work Taylor: oooh (frowns, looks at Summer) that's so sad Summer: yeah Taylor: what's the plan (Seth and Summer both look at Taylor, frowning) Taylor: you guys don't have a plan Summer: (shrugs) do you Taylor: off the top of my head, um (looks at Summer) get him inta therapy to explore the route of why he cant express himself in a lasting partnership (holds up finger) or, find him a hot date, take his mind off being utterly alone Summer: (nods) huh Taylor: (softly to Seth) does he still have the things on his thing Seth: no no no, a little penicillin cleared that right up Taylor: great Seth: looks fantastic (Taylor looks at him) (nods) Taylor: (frowns) good, that's good (Summer looks at her) an you know I would offer up my mom but she's not a big second chancer Summer: (fakes disappointment) oh Taylor: what about getting Seth's mom to take your dad as a client (Summer looks as though she's considering it) Seth: that's not a bad idea Summer: yeah but the last person that should be choosing my dads next great love, is my dad but me on the other hand I could make a list of all the stuff that he should (raises eyebrows) be looking for and pick the girl myself Taylor: that's good, an ill start brainstorming on ideas for fun things for old people to do on a first date (smiles excitedly) Summer: hm Seth: hmm (Seth, Taylor & Summer all look as though they are trying to think, but not having much luck - the next thing we see is Ryan walking over to Marissa at her locker) Ryan: hey, I've ben tryin'a find you Marissa: (looks) oh Ryan: police talk to you Marissa: (looks at Ryan) yeah, they call you too, they must wanna talk to everyone who was there Ryan: uh no actually uh Sadie said they only asked her about you Marissa: me Ryan: yeah, you want me ta go with you Marissa: ...no, no it's ok whatever it is I don't wanna drag you into it at the same time: Marissa: so how's that j- Ryan: look I'm- (Ryan and Marissa look at each other. Marissa half smiles and looks down then at Ryan) Ryan: look I- I know I haven't been around much lately Marissa: its ok, you're helping Gwen that's important Ryan: yeah actually I need'a go over there after school but um...maybe we could get together later, talk Marissa: yeah of course, ill uh ill call you, tell Sadie I say hi (starts to walk away) Ryan: you know you might wanna see Sandy about the police Marissa: (looks) I'm sure it's nothing, but thanks (smiles) (Ryan watches Marissa as she walks away) CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan comes in the backdoor holding a bucket full of supplies Ryan: (calls) hey, so I figured we'd start by patchin up the wall (sighs) which is really more fun than it sounds (Sadie comes out) Sadie: no its not Ryan: no its not (looks at Sadie) you look like your on a mission Sadie: (puts on jacket) that's because I am Ryan: everything ok Sadie: uhh it will be, once I get done smacking that stupid b*st*rd around Ryan: ooo who's gettin smacked around Sadie: my uncle Ryan: Johnny's dad Sadie: if you wanna call him that, so the patching'll have'ta wait until after I get back from Brea Ryan: yeah, sure, d'you want'a ride Sadie: I've got a car (smiles) Ryan: well your gonna need some company Sadie: (closes eyes) I kinda already have some (Ryan looks towards the front door just as Volchok comes in) Volchok: hey what's up you ready to roll Ryan: what is this guy doin here Volchok: that's funny (points) because I was just about to ask her (points to Sadie) the same thing about you Ryan: yeah well you've always been kinda slow Volchok: yeah but I'm quick at kickin your ass Ryan: running away is more how I remember it (Sadie looks from Ryan to Volchok. unimpressed by the so called pissing contest they have going) Volchok: ah really, well id love to jump back in the ring (Ryan raises his eyebrows as if to say anytime) Sadie: you know what too much testosterone (Ryan looks at her) Volchok's dad use'ta be drinking buddies with Jack Harper so he knows where we can find him Ryan: alright (looks at Volchok) then he can give us the address Volchok: mm well, I'm kinda lookin forward to a road trip (looks at Sadie) you know catchin up Ryan: (confidently) we'll send you a postcard (raises eyebrows) Sadie: Ryan (shakes head) don't (Sadie goes over to get a piece of paper. Ryan watches her and then looks at Volchok. Volchok smiles) Sadie: (holds out pen & paper to Volchok) why don't you just write down the address (Volchok takes the pen and paper and starts writing) Volchok: whatever, any chance to avoid Johnny's dad sounds good to me, I hate that guy Sadie: thanks, ill send him your best (Volchok heads towards the door then stops and points at Ryan) Volchok: so if your gonna be with her (points to Sadie) does that mean your girlfriends all alone (Ryan looks at him) what goes around comes around (Volchok looks at Ryan and then closes the door behind him. Ryan doesn't look happy with the notion of Volchok going after Marissa) CUT TO: A desert road - Sadie is driving and Ryan is in the passenger seat Ryan: (off screen) you wanna tell me the deal with you an Volchok Sadie: (off screen) I was visiting Johnny one summer, when I was younger, stupid, it didn't work out Ryan: (off screen) hard ta believe (on screen) you wanna take the five to the fifty seven, its faster Sadie: (laughs) oh right because you know so much about driving inland, when was the last time your parents (Ryan looks at her) eighty thousand dollar SUV was east of South Coast Plaza Ryan: (looks at Sadie) the Cohen's are my guardians, not my parents...grew up in Chino, dads in prison my mum...couldn't make it work Sadie: I just knew there was something about you that didn't quite fit in Ryan: mm Sadie: (smiles) in a good way (Ryan half smiles) I wonder if your dad knows my Uncle Jack Ryan: why would he Sadie: from prison, he's ben in a couple times (Ryan nods) id put him back if I could (Ryan listens) he owes my aunt years of child support, he's her last hope, now she needs that money Ryan: so you think you can turn him? Sadie: if I don't try who will (we see Sadie's hair blowing in the wind as the car drives past and then gets further away) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt is in his office writing something and Sandy walks in Sandy: what would you feel about dinner Matt: (looks up) sure, whatever you feel like Sandy: tomorrow night (Matt looks at him) me you Kirsten an Maya Matt: (sits forward) sounds good (Sandy sits) have you been locked in your office all day plannin our social lives Sandy: let me ask Maya about the proposal Matt: ...Sandy I said id do it Sandy: no its better this way, ill bring it up, it'll be easier (before Matt has a chance to respond there is a knock. Marissa is standing in the doorway) Sandy: (stands) Marissa, come on in Marissa: hey, I went by the house (hugs Sandy) Kirsten told me you were here Sandy: oh the doors always open honey (points) you remember Matt (Matt waves) Marissa: I think I need some legal advice, the cops wanna talk to me about Johnny...they don't seem ta think it was an accident Sandy: did they suspect Ryan's to blame for this Marissa: no, I actually think there tryin'a blame me Sandy: (suprised) you Marissa: yeah I don't know what's going on (frowns) I just know I'm suppose'ta be at the station right now giving them a statement Sandy: (nods) well ill call an get that rescheduled, we'll do it at the house Marissa: eh oh if you don't mind id kind of like to keep Ryan outta this Sandy: of course (raises eyebrows, nods) Matt: feel free to use my place Sandy: thanks Matt, but before that we'll need to sit down an go over what your gonna say, an your gonna have'ta tell me everything you know about Johnny...an you...an that night (Marissa looks worried) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Julie are still at the table with New Match paperwork all over the table. Summer comes in Kirsten: oh hey Summer I didn't know you were joining us tonight (Julie looks) Seth just went out ta pick up dinner Summer: oh, actually I came to see you guys Kirsten: oh, is everything ok Summer: (frowns) well no, not really, it's my dad he needs like serious an immediate help with his love life (Kirsten and Julie look at each other) Julie: really what-what (looks at Summer) makes you say that Summer: I've never seen him so miserable, he's barely ever at home he's either at work which is so lame (Kirsten looks at Julie) or at the gym which is just weird (frowns) he's already dropped like twenty pounds Julie: well, maybe he's getting into shape incase he meets that special someone Kirsten: or maybe he's already met her Summer: oh please don't say that (shakes head) my dad has disastrous taste in women, if I don't step in he'll wind up with the first money grubbing slut bag that gets into the back seat of his Maserati (at this point Summer goes out of focus in the foreground and Julie comes into focus in the background, she has her mouth wide open in shock) Kirsten: Julie would you like to take this (Summer turns and looks at Julie. Julie holds out her hand but doesn't say anything, speechless perhaps, lol) Summer: actually, all I need is like a list'a candidates cause I did all the work myself (Summer holds out a folder to Kirsten. Kirsten takes a look at some photos) Kirsten: there all blonde (Julie looks at Kirsten, worried) Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct Summer: the look my dad goes for (Julie takes the folder from Kirsten and looks through it herself) Summer: um an this is a list of non negotiable qualifications that she must possess (Summer holds out the list to Kirsten, Kirsten goes to take it but Julie grabs it first) Julie: (reads) mental stability, crossword enthusiast (worried) (Summer nods) love horses (shows Kirsten) Kirsten: (reads) must have own money, plastic surgery free, fluent in Italian, this doesn't leave much wiggle room Summer Summer: its just that my dad didn't have much in common with his first two wives an they left so...its just not fair to (shrugs) him or me (Julie and Kirsten look at each other) Julie: ok well we'll see what we can do Summer: really, thankyou guys so much this means so much to me (Kirsten smiles) (points)I'm gonna go see if my dads actually coming home tonight (smiles) bye (Summer leaves .Julie looks at Kirsten worriedly) Kirsten: (smiles) what're you gonna do Julie Julie: I don't know, is it possible I'm not enough woman for him, do I really need to be all these things (points) Kirsten: Julie you are never gonna be any'a these things (Julie looks at her) ok blonde maybe, fluent in Italian (shakes head) not so much, you have'ta tell Summer the truth (Julie looks very reluctant) CUT TO: Brea - we see Ryan and Sadie out the front of a house, the yard has debris all over it Ryan: guy really keeps up on his yard work Sadie: yeah Uncle Jack is a really good neighbour (Sadie knocks on the door and a scruffy looking guy answers) Sadie: hi (looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at her) we're looking for Jack Harper but...your not him Guy: what he in some kinda trouble Ryan: n- no no no no, no trouble Sadie: n-no g-good news actually Guy: too bad, I frikkin hate that guy Sadie: he owes someone money an we're tryin'a collect Guy: he moved to Indio, that's all I know Ryan: uh phone number (shrugs) forwarding address Guy: no one around here is lookin to keep in touch Sadie: ok, thankyou for your help Guy: you find Jack Harper you won't be thanking me (the guy shuts the door. Ryan and Sadie walk away) Ryan: so we're goin ta Indio Sadie: Ryan Indio's like two hours inta the desert, we wont even be able to start looking until morning Ryan: yeah, so we spend the night Sadie: (looks at Ryan) you know I think you might be missed Ryan: I will make some calls (Sadie looks at Ryan and hands the car keys to him) Sadie: (shakes head) you don't have'ta do this Ryan: I want to (Ryan heads back to the car and Sadie follows him) CUT TO: A restaurant - we see Neil walk in and the guy at the front motions to where Julie is. the camera then moves to Julie, we see her legs and then gradually the rest of her. she is sitting at the table dressed like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, right down to the cigarette in her hand. she is doing a crossword on the table Neil: Julie Julie: (looks up) Buona sera doctor Neil: (looks at Julie suprised) Buona sera Julie: what's a thirteen letter word for secretive Neil: surreptitious, I don't think you can smoke here (sits) (Julie shrugs and puts the cigarette down) Neil: Julie what is all this Julie: oh do you like it (un crosses legs and re crosses them towards Neil) (smiles) because tonight is all about you Neil: ...I didn't...know you do crosswords (Julie smiles - over at the door we see Taylor on the phone. I apologise in advance for my poor skills here but I can barely understand what they say led alone write it) Taylor: no mom there out of bibimbap Guy: settle down? Taylor: uh how bout pogo oui? Guy: (nods) two'a those Taylor: (nods) szesnan taru jutsao (the guy nods and smiles) mom next time let me call in the order (laughs) I know that's why they call it Korean barbeque, ok goodbye (hangs up, frustrated) amunindey (the guy laughs and says something which I can't hear properly, and nods to Taylor) Taylor: ne (the guy walks off and Taylor notices Neil inside. she can't see that Julie is with him. she starts walking over and then stops) Julie: (off screen) so what'll it be hm, blonde Italian philanthropist, I can be all of them (we see a close up Taylor's shocked face) tell me in your wildest dreams what would you do with a willing woman Neil: (off screen) ok (Taylor makes an oh sound and keeps watching them) CUT TO: Trailer park - Marissa is sitting on the verandah leaning against the trailer, she's also on the phone to Summer Summer: (off screen) so did you guys make plans to talk or what Marissa: yeah, we agreed we'd talk we just didn't pick a time or a place (we now see Summer on the phone in her house) Summer: Coop, usually a time an place are crucial aspects to any plan Marissa: I know Summer: look don't be scared, you an Ryan have been getting along ok Marissa: (scoffs) yeah that's because we haven't been talking Summer: (frowns, worried) just call him (Marissa doesn't say anything) do it! Marissa: fine, bye (Marissa hangs up and stares off in the distance) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: A motel - we see Ryan looking out of the window before closing the curtains. Sadie comes out of the bathroom with wet hair Ryan: (holds up cards) you play poker Sadie: what's the pot Ryan: uhhh well I got like twenty bucks on me Sadie: mm that's not gonna do it Ryan: (laughs, looks at Sadie) then what Sadie: ...you ever play strip poker Ryan: (raises eyebrows suprised) yes, yes I have (Sadie smiles) played strip poker, I think I'm wearing more clothes than you are though Sadie: yes but I think I'm a way better player Ryan: you think so Sadie: mm-hmm, yeah, just deal Ryan: ok (Ryan and Sadie sit on the bed across from each other) Ryan: uh-hm Sadie: loser sleeps on the floor, which basically means your gonna be sleeping on the floor Ryan: sure, sure, sure (Ryan shuffles the cards just as his phone rings. he looks over at his phone which is lying LCD side down, he turns it over and we see that it says CA MARISSA, Ryan just stares at it ringing) Sadie: your bookie (smiles) Ryan: no, no it's just Seth...I'll call him in the morning (Ryan goes back to shuffling - we then see Marissa with her phone to her ear and she hears this msg: Ryan: hey its Ryan, leave a message Marissa hangs up without leaving a message, we see a close up of her face, she almost looks sad, that fades to a shot of waves crashing on the beach and then that fades to Ryan and Sadie laughing with each other, this fades to a shot of the motel from outside) CUT TO: Motel, next morning - we see the door open on a dark room, the light that the door lets in lets us see that Ryan is on the floor. he opens his eyes a little. Sadie is standing in the doorway with food and coffee Sadie: room service Ryan: (leans up) what's on the menu (squints) Sadie: black coffee an jelly doughnuts, courtesy of the circle k, full set service? Ryan: I gotta remember this place (gets up) (the next thing we see is Ryan sitting at the outside table on the verandah, Sadie comes out with the yellow pages in her hand) Sadie: so I flipping through the yellow pages...an I found this (Sadie puts the yellow pages down on the table and taps on a specific add. it says 24-HOUR BAIL BONDS underneath that it has BIG and a fancy H in a circle, there is more details etc underneath but they aren't important) Ryan: (looks) hmm, think that's him Sadie: when we were kids he was big H an Johnny was little H so I think its gotta be Ryan: alright (sighs) I'm gonna shower (sniffs) wake myself up (stands) I didn't actually sleep so well last night Sadie: hey if you wanna sleep in a bed, don't bluff with a pair (Sadie smiles, Ryan starts to go inside) Sadie: did you call Seth back CUT TO: The pool house - we see Seth rolling around on Ryan's bed, in the covers etc. his phone rings and he answers it Seth: dude, where are you (we now see Ryan on his phone, on the verandah of the motel near the pool) Ryan: Indio (sighs) how much trouble am I in Seth: uhh none yet mom an dad think your helping inner city kids paint a overpass mural, I'm rolling around in your bed right now so it looks slept in Ryan: yeah you'd probably do that anyway Seth: so, how bout a little gratitude Ryan: your right I owe you uh (sighs) but trust me it's for a good cause Seth: any chance you wanna clue me in on what that cause is Ryan: the less you know the better, uh jus keep doin what your doin, except the bed thing that's just creepy (hangs up) (Seth hangs up, thinks for a few seconds and then pulls the covers back over himself as he rolls. Taylor walks in) Taylor: Seth what're you doing Seth: Ryan's painting a mural (sits up quickly, he has bed hair, lol) Taylor: what're you doing Seth: hey (frowns) what're you doing here, how'd you get in Taylor: you know never mind all that this is an emergency (holds up hand) Summers going to majorly wig when she finds out who her dad is dating Seth: yeah well whoever it is, stayin out of it Taylor: (matter of factly) Julie Cooper (Seth frowns) I caught them having an illicit liaison an the way they were talking was totally perverted (shakes head) Seth: wow, wait perverted how Taylor: (screws up face) just what are we gonna tell Summer (Seth points to Taylor and mouths "you". Summer of course comes in) Summer: what's who gonna tell Summer Seth: (looks at Summer then Taylor) do I need'a call a locksmith Summer: (arms folded, looks at Taylor) what're you doing here T bad? Taylor: uhhh (looks at Seth) you know what she's your girlfriend you should tell her Summer: oh puhlease, not you two again (Seth frowns and shakes his head) Taylor: oh no, no no no I'm totally over that weirdness no (Seth frowns, nods) uh your dad an Julie Cooper are doing it (Summer blinks and turns her head, stunned) Taylor: yeah it's a shock to me to (Seth holds his hands out & shrugs) I wouldnt'a believed it myself if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes (Summer looks at her) it was all very mid nineties overwrought thriller, a sort of a Verhoeven shape Summer: (frowns) it's like a Sharon Stone movie, oh my god Seth: ok but hold on this kind of broad reveal requires independent confirmation (raises eyebrows) Taylor: fine, you can see for yourself, I happen to know where there next tryst is going to be CUT TO: Driving range - we see a golf ball sitting on a tee Neil: (off screen) keep your eye on the ball and (swings golf club) swing through it, ok (we can now see that Neil and Julie are there together, Julie has a cute little red and white golfing outfit on, she looks quite the part) Neil: go ahead, your turn, come on Julie: oh (reluctant) Neil I am not very athletic (Julie stands near the tee and Neil stands behind her, aww) Neil: spread your feet a little bit, ok, let the grip rest gently in your hand (Julie smiles) you keep your eye on the ball an your gonna swing through the ball, ok Julie: ok Neil: raise the club gently (raises the club with Julie) Julie: (stops) now if I break a nail, your next fantasy better involve a French manicure Neil: are we gonna do this now Julie: mm-hmm (nods, smiles) Neil: look at the ball Julie: ok, ok, yes (we see Julie and Neil swing together and she actually hits the ball. we then see Summer and Seth nearby in a golf cart, Seth is driving) Summer: there's no way, this is my dad's favourite place he would not bring a woman here Seth: maybe he doesn't think of Julie as an actual woman, just a golf buddy (Summer looks through binoculars just as Neil and Julie share a kiss and then a hug) Seth: who he makes out with Summer: (screws up face) I cannot believe this (looks at Seth, hits him) lets go (Summer looks through the binoculars again and we see Julie in Neil's arms, her feet are actually off the ground, you know that kind of hug) Seth: (mesmerised) ok Summer: let's go! (Seth reverses the golf cart and they start to leave) Summer: that's so horrible Seth: I think there cute CUT TO: Bail bonds in Indio - Sadie and Ryan walk up to the door. Ryan opens it and motions after you to Sadie. the next thing we see is the inside of the shop, as Sadie and Ryan walk in we can see a gun being cleaned in the foreground Ryan: (shuts door) Jack Harper in (there is a scruffy looking guy sitting at a far table. Ryan and Sadie are near him) Guy: he's out on a job, if you need a bond i can- Ryan: we're not here about a bond, we uh we're lookin for him (guy looks at him) Sadie: when d'you expect him back Guy: who wants to know Sadie: well his dead son (raises eyebrows) for starters Guy: (scoffs, shakes head) get outta here Ryan: we- we don't mind waiting Guy: (stands) I got authority to protect this property with lethal force (Sadie/Ryan look at him) you know what that means Ryan: means we'll be out in the car Guy: yeah (Ryan opens the door for Sadie and they leave. the guy picks up the phone and starts to dial) CUT TO: The cliff where Johnny fell - we see a yellow police line has been set up which is being held in place by several white barriers. we hear Johnny's voice very echo'y and distant, from that night Johnny v.o: hey Marissa, come up here, you gotta check this view (we see that Marissa is standing near the barriers, in a thoughtful daze. we then hear a mans voice more clearly) Detective v.o: was your friend Johnny a big drinker Marissa v.o: no (we are now with Sandy, Marissa and a man in Matt's apartment. the man that asked the question is a Detective and it seems Marissa is thinking back to the deposition) Detective: but he was drinking that night, any idea why Sandy: your asking her ta speculate (we see Marissa at the cliff again. she's looking out towards the water with her arms folded. we are seeing mainly the back of her) Detective v.o: are you aware of anything that happened to Johnny that day, anything that might of made him want to drink (we see a grey scale flashback of Johnny standing on the cliff with the bottle in his hand, motioning for Marissa to join him. from 314 of course) Detective v.o: a fight with a friend or (we then see Marissa and Kaitlin looking up at Johnny terrified, at the same time we can hear Johnny's voice in an echo) Johnny v.o: as bad as I wanna be with you, I love you an I think you love me too (we see a shot of Marissa thinking, this is still the deposition Marissa and not the one at the cliff. it then flashbacks to the scene from 306, the moment when Johnny confides in Marissa about what he did. we then see Marissa with Sandy and the detective guy again. Marissa looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at her) Detective: (off screen) yes or no Sandy: excuse me detective we need a minute (stands) alone please Detective: (reads) what we're doing here (we can now see that the detective is reading the burnt letter which is inside an evidence bag) Detective v.o: isn't only unfair to you it's unfair to (while the detective talks we see a flashback of Johnny reading the letter by the fire, we then see Johnny screw it up) Detective v.o: this next parts burned here Marissa: Ryan (closes eyes) to Ryan (looks over at the letter) (we then see a flashback from 306 of Johnny and Marissa standing together after Johnny confides in her, the sun has just started to set) Marissa v.o: I'm with you Ryan v.o: but that's not the whole story is it Detective v.o: recovered from a fire pit on the beach (we see a flashback of Johnny throwing the letter into the fire. then we see Marissa starting to look upset and hear more of the detective reading the letter) Detective: (off screen) I'm not in love with you (Marissa closes her eyes, its clearly hard for her to hear it) and I never will be Sandy: may I see that (the detective hands Sandy the evidence bag, we then see another flashback from that night, Marissa is looking up at Johnny just before he fell) Detective v.o: seems like Johnny took the news pretty hard Johnny: (echo'y) Marissa...Ryan Atwood saves the Detective v.o: I can't imagine that it made your boyfriend very happy either Marissa: (scared) Johnny (we then see Ryan trying to convince Johnny to come down) Marissa: Ryan didn't even know this existed (looks at Detective) he has nothing to do with this Sandy: jus let him ask his question Marissa: no its ok I wanna tell him (looks at Detective) Ryan didn't push him (we see another flash back of Johnny standing close to the edge) Johnny: (calls) hey Marissa Marissa v.o: and Johnny didn't commit suicide (we see Marissa and Kaitlin looking up at Johnny, and then Johnny with his hands outstretched just before he falls) Marissa v.o: if you really wanna know what happened he slipped (we see Johnny's feet slide down the rocks and Johnny fall out of the shot, the camera goes down a little like we are following the fall but all we see is the rocks of the cliff face) Kaitlin v.o: (echo'y) Johnny (we now see Marissa at the cliff again, the reliving/remembering everything has upset her and she kicks one of the white barriers down which knocks another one over. she moves closer the edge and then turns to walk away, as she does she stops. Volchok is standing there looking at her. Marissa looks at him and pushes hair behind her ear, he looks at her and holds out a flask) Marissa: no thanks Volchok: you know uh Johnny an I use'ta be friends...yeah he an Chili use'ta follow me an the guys around, try an get us to teach em how'ta surf Marissa: ...(shrugs) yeah well what happened Volchok: he got better'en me, an I didn't like that Marissa: your secrets safe with me (starts to walk away) I should go Volchok: look (Marissa looks) if you ever wanna kick it or hang out or somethin...I'm around Marissa: I'm not interested Volchok: you sure about that (Marissa looks at him) I can keep a secret too (Volchok turns towards the water and Marissa looks as though she's thinking) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is in there and Sandy comes in Kirsten: how'd it go Sandy: well there were a few suprises, but there doesn't seem to be any material evidence pointing ta suicide or foul play so if that's the case (shakes head) they'll have no choice but to rule it a- an accident Kirsten: I'm glad (looks at Sandy, moves closer) honey you look exhausted Sandy: well thankyou darling you look beautiful as always (Kirsten smiles) I was up most'a the night putting the finishing touches on this hospital proposal Kirsten: maybe we should reschedule this dinner with Matt an Maya for next weekend Sandy: oh I wish we could (takes off jacket, sighs) but it'd defeat the whole purpose Kirsten: I thought the purpose was dinner Sandy: well dinner, an Maya's our only chance at getting a second hearing at the hospital board Kirsten: (looks at Sandy then walks away) well the way those two have been getting along I think he really likes her, I thought you abandoned this idea weeks ago Sandy: why would we abandon it, she's not naive, she might wanna help Kirsten: (puts on jacket) well she might wanna re think the relationship if it doesn't go well, I know I would Sandy: oh honey we're all adults here...an this project has the potential to do an awful lotta good (Sandy walks past Kirsten, Kirsten looks worried) CUT TO: Bail bonds Indio - Sadie and Ryan are sitting in the car waiting for Jack to show up. Sadie has a big drink Sadie: stakeouts are so much cooler in movies Ryan: (takes drink) yeah that's cause they cut right to the part where the guy shows up (a black nice looking truck pulls in front of Sadie's car and stops closer to the shop) Sadie: that's him come on (Ryan nods and they both get out of the car. Jack gets out of his truck and heads towards the shop) Ryan: (off screen) (calls) Jack Harper (Jack turns around and looks at Ryan and Sadie. he looks like the typical deadbeat dad) Jack: who's asking Ryan: friend'a your sons Jack: I don't have a son (keeps walking) Sadie: I know Uncle Jack, It's why we're here Jack: (turns around) Sadie Sadie: Aunt Gwen says thanks for the card you sent Jack: I didn't send her a card Sadie: yeah an you know what else you didn't send, child support for like the last three years Jack: see I needed that money to start my business Sadie: really, so is this truck here (points) apart'a your business Jack: yeah, matter'a fact it is (Ryan looks at Jack. Sadie is over at Jacks truck) Sadie: oh, its nice (Jack nods smugly) you must be doin pretty well so I'm sure you wont mind just paying her whatever you owe her Jack: (points) I don't owe that bitch, anything (Jack turns and heads towards the door to the shop. Sadie takes a pipe out of the back of the truck) Ryan: (sees) Sadie (Sadie quickly goes to the front of the truck and hits it hard. Jack laughs but its more of an you've gotta be kidding me kind. Ryan looks from Sadie to Jack) Jack: (points) your jokin right (Sadie looks at Jack with a determined look and then smashes the side mirror. by this point everyone in the shop has come out to see what's going on. Jack runs over to Sadie and Ryan tries to stop him) Jack: come here, give me (grabs Sadie from behind) Ryan: get off her (Ryan tries to pull Jack off Sadie, Sadie says something but I can't make out what it is) Ryan: get off'a her! (Jacks friends try and get Ryan off him. Ryan grabs one of them around the waist and slams him into a car. the guy from inside earlier, is holding Sadie and Jack goes over to Ryan) Sadie: get off me, let go of me, let go Jack: you know what, this aint high school kid (Jack's buddies hold Ryan for him and he punches him hard in the face. Ryan's head flies back) Sadie: (screams) stop! (we see Jack laying into Ryan through a reflection near the car) Sadie: stop it, get off of me (jumps, tries to wriggle free) Ryan! (after a few punches Jack and his buddies throw Ryan to the concrete and he just lays there. Jack steps over him and we can see his bloody face) Sadie: get off me, get off, get off me (upset, screams) Ryan! let go, Ryan! (the guy holding Sadie doesn't let her go, then we see Ryan's face again. his nose, mouth, cheek and eyebrow are covered in blood and he breathes in but it looks painful. his eyes are closed. poor guy!) CUT TO: A diner in Indio - Sadie and Ryan are sitting at a table together. Sadie dabs at Ryan's wounds Sadie: I'm sorry Ryan: (closes eyes) no its (laughs, pulls away) not that bad, except when you do that Sadie: no I meant I'm sorry that I dragged you inta this Ryan: (raises eyebrows) yeah well if I remember you kinda begged me not to come (looks at Sadie) (we see a close up of Sadie taking ice out of a bowl on the table. next to the bowl are the car keys Sadie: I just wish we had gotten the money Ryan: yeah what'do you think Johnny's moms gonna do now Sadie: I don't know, Jack was kind'a her last chance (Ryan looks down) Sadie: (frowns) I bet it's kind of hard for you to imagine Gwen married to a guy like that Ryan: (raises eyebrows) easier than you think...turns out Johnny an I kinda had alot in common (looks down) (Ryan swallows and grabs something from the table, he stands to leave) Sadie: are you ok Ryan: (points) I will be (Ryan walks away and Sadie watches him. she then looks down at the table and moves the ice bowl, realising the car keys are gone. we hear the sound of a car starting and Sadie looks out of the window next to her just as Ryan drives off without her) CUT TO: A restaurant - Sandy, Kirsten, Matt & Maya are sitting at a table together, they are all smiling and happy Maya: first time I laid eyes on Matt was at a tailgate party, he was doing a cake stand Matt: no you see I thought it was when you rushed my house as a little sister? Maya: no (raises eyebrows) that's the first time you saw me, I was stalking you for months (smiles) (Matt raises his eyebrow and smiles) Sandy: I use'ta walk behind Kirsten on her way home (Kirsten smiles) she lived on the opposite side'a campus but I lived to watch her walk Kirsten: an I called campus security (raises eyebrows) (Maya smiles) Sandy:ah it was worth every minute I was detained an questioned (Maya laughs, Kirsten smiles at him) now here we are, I'm running Kirsten's fathers company, Matt here has ben workin like a dog (Matt looks at Maya) on a proposal for your dads hospital Maya: (smiles at Matt) yeah, I wish that had worked out Sandy: well (Kirsten looks at him) we don't give up that easily (Maya looks at him) we were hopin you could help us get one more shot with your father (Matt looks uncomfortable) we listened to what he had'ta say an we completely reworked the proposal Maya: well your a (raises eyebrows) passionate man Sandy ill give you that (shrugs) why don't I take a look at it, if I like what I see ill pass it along (nods) we'll set up a meeting for next week Sandy: well we can't wait that long, the board is moving forward on Monday Maya: (looks at Sandy then away) I see Matt: Maya its not a big deal don't worry about it (Kirsten looks uncomfortable) Sandy: it really is that big'a deal, your our only chance (Maya looks at him) (shrugs) I'm sorry in advance if this is putting too much pressure on you (Maya looks away) but this hospital could help alotta people, that's the only reason we're asking...but we are asking, we need your help Kirsten: Sandy we're eating can we at least wait until after dinner (Kirsten looks at Sandy, clearly not happy with him. Sandy looks at her. Maya looks at Matt) Maya: Matt, d'you want me to show the proposal to my father too Matt: ...yeah, I would Maya: ...then id be happy to Sandy (smiles) will you excuse me (Maya leaves the table. Matt follows her. Kirsten looks at Sandy unimpressed) Sandy: she said she'd be happy to (Kirsten looks down, almost disappointed in him) CUT TO: Summers house - we hear kissing sounds and see legs intertwined on the couch. the camera moves up to show Seth on top of Summer, we hear a few giggles from Summer Summer: wait but (Seth kisses her) wait Seth (we hear more kissing and then Summer pushes Seth to the side) Seth: what Summer: (worried) what if her evil plan works an my dad actually falls for her Seth: would that really be the worst thing, you an Marissa are already like sisters (raises eyebro

Ryan road-trips with Sadie. Strip poker, anyone? Summer learns - ew! - about her dad and Julie. Kirsten worries that The Newport Group is corrupting Sandy. And Marissa is a suspect in Johnny's death.

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Rotunda [SCENE_BREAK] SECRETARY: Good evening, Ms. Bristow. Sydney's putting an awful lot of stuff in trash cans and on ledges as she down the hall. She fakes a breath DNA scan. She's putting cell phones everywhere. [SCENE_BREAK] Dixon's office Where do we stand with Rambaldi's equation? How close are we to solving it? MARSHALL: I only recovered about 92%. I designed a program to extrapolate the rest, but these permutations are like vast. It seems to be written in some sort of pre-Galilean algebra, which makes you wonder what these guys were... (fakes smoking a joint)... should be about 8 hours. DIXON: Let me know the moment it's done. MARSHALL: Absolutely. Sir, do you mind if I ask... what exactly are we looking for? DIXON: Our only intel came from the interrogation of Dr. Lee in Havana. Crazy as it sounds, he says we're looking for Rambaldi. MARSHALL: Rambaldi, as in... Mr. R... from the... You know, I don't even want to know. I've got too much on my (mind), with the baby. He's not (really a baby), he's like a toddler. And Carey's constantly (talking), even when I.., DIXON: I understand. MARSHALL: I'm going to (go). [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda From the voice, Sydney is really Lauren in disguise. LAUREN: (comm) I'm in. Patching into the feed now. The voice is Lauren's. SARK: (comm) I must say, your disguise, it addresses a certain proclivity of mine. LAUREN: (comm) If this works, I'll happily make your sick little fantasy come true. LAUREN: (comm) Uploading Rambaldi's equation now. MARSHALL: Oh, hey Syd. Uh, listen, have you seen a USB key with a Speed Racer logo on it? Any... Oh, it happens to have every single picture we've ever taken of Mitchell on it, and well, I brought it in here to make duplicates, and of course, the genius that I am, I forgot to make a backup copy. I'll tell you something, Carey's going to kill me if I don't find it. MARSHALL: Found it! Left it in here when I was doing the keyboard thing earlier. It's a good thing I found it because Carey would probably divorce me if I (didn't)... I'd probably divorce myself in the process, you know? MARSHALL: Is that a new perfume you're wearing, cause it's nice. I like it. Marshall starts to leave, then turns around. MARSHALL: Why are you downloading the equation? Lauren shoots him. LAUREN: (comm) I have it. Corrupting the database now. She starts to leave. Marshall hits some sort of emergency button that just happens to be under Sydney's desk. LAUREN: (comm) Activate countermeasures now. SARK: (comm) Get down, love. VAUGHN: Sydney! SARK: (to himself) Call on line one, Mr. Vaughn. DIXON: (phone) We have a level five... (explosion) WEISS: Marshall! We need a medic. Call St. John's, tell them we have an incoming. WEISS: Marshall. Jack walks up. Vaughn sees Sydney walking out and runs after her. WEISS: They hacked into an off-site relay. They're in a parking structure on the Northeast corner of Sixth. JACK: (cell) This is Jack Bristow. We have a location on one of the intruders. SARK: (comm) Keep moving. You have a clear path for the exit. VAUGHN: Syd, wait! Lauren ambushes him, takes off her mask, and runs out. At the parking garage, Sark is caught by the goons Jack dispatched. Lauren runs out into the street faking an injury. She gets a car stopped. DRIVER: Are you alright? Lauren shoots him, pushes him to the passenger side, and drives away. [SCENE_BREAK] TITLE [SCENE_BREAK] Some interrogation room. [SCENE_BREAK] Someone arrives. FOSTER: The name's Hank Foster, Counterintelligence, threat analysis. SYDNEY: What am I doing here, Mr. Foster? FOSTER: At 7:22 this evening, you were logged in at the safe-house where Nadia Santos is being held. Is that accurate? SYDNEY: It was around dinner. I brought her a sandwich. FOSTER: Where were you before that? SYDNEY: Buying her the sandwich. What is this? FOSTER: At 6:12 tonight the Rotunda was compromised. SYDNEY: What? How is that... FOSTER: You tell me. Sydney sees herself shooting Marshall. SYDNEY: Oh my God. Is he okay? Was anyone killed? FOSTER: It would do you good if you had an alibi. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda [SCENE_BREAK] VAUGHN: I used the key you gave me. I took the suitcase. I'm prepared to use it. JACK: When the Agency concludes, as they will, that Lauren is responsible, the pressure to capture her will rise exponentially. The disposal project we discussed must be anonymous. Once her status changes, that will be more difficult. DIXON: Sark isn't talking. He hasn't requested counsel, not even so much as a glass of water. JACK: May I suggest you have Vaughn talk with him. DIXON: Given their personal history, I'm not sure that's advisable. JACK: Sark undoubtedly will be more afraid to face the man he so recently tortured. Given his pattern for caving out of fear, I believe Vaughn's presence will more likely yield the results we're looking for. Vaughn starts to walk away. DIXON: As the director, I can't sanction the beating of someone in our custody. VAUGHN: Understood. I'll apprise you of any intel that comes from his interrogation. [SCENE_BREAK] Sark's Cell [SCENE_BREAK] VAUGHN: Last time we were together, our roles were reversed. Funny how things happen. SARK: I'm afraid the irony is lost on me. VAUGHN: You like the electric batons and the injections. I'm not into accessories. SARK: I'm more than willing to cooperate, Mr. Vaughn. I will tell you everything you want, but I will need something in return. VAUGHN: No deals. SARK: Well then it seems we're at an impasse. I assure you, it won't take Lauren long to solve Rambaldi's equation. VAUGHN: Well, better get started then. Where's Lauren Reed? Vaughn slams Sark's head against the table, just like in 2x22. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's Interrogation SYDNEY: I understand your suspicion, but we both know whatever was taken, I probably have access to it. And if Marshall had it, I could have just asked him. FOSTER: It was a covenant raid. They got the Rambaldi equation. We apprehended Julian Sark. [SCENE_BREAK] Sark's Cell Vaughn presses on Sark's nose. Sark winces. VAUGHN: I think I broke it. SARK: Clearly. VAUGHN: You ready to talk? SARK: Yes. When I first learned of your wife's true allegiance, I almost felt pity for you. How embarrassing it must have been to learn that the woman you shared your bed with was only using you as an unfortunate means to an end. VAUGHN: I wouldn't do this if I were you. SARK: But then, she wasn't sharing your bed lately, was she? She was in mine... or in my car... or an elevator, or a garage. I remember this one time -- this is my favorite -- we were engaged in an alley, and she called you to tell you she loved you. That woman was deliciously filthy. VAUGHN: Feel that? Feels like a knife slicing through you, doesn't it? Where is she? [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's Interrogation SYDNEY: Lauren Reed was working for the Covenant the entire time she was NSC liaison. Her codes have been revoked, but she would still know our security protocols. This is the person you're looking for. Foster gets up and pours himself some water. FOSTER: Let's talk about your sister. The equation, the part taken from the Rotunda, was implanted in your sister's subconscious? SYDNEY: Not literally. It's more like a genetic inheritance. SYDNEY: My sister is innocent. FOSTER: Rambaldi refers to you as the chosen one, he implants in your sister's head the whereabouts to his greatest invention, and you expect me to believe that neither one of you is involved in this? SYDNEY: I don't care what you believe. This is a waste of time. FOSTER: Last week, Ms. Santos was in the custody of the Covenant. SYDNEY: As a prisoner they nearly killed. FOSTER: If Lauren Reed broke in using your identity, she would need to be sure you were out of the office. Did your sister call you to come see her? SYDNEY: If you want to arrest me, hold me under the PATRIOT Act. We're through talking. Bad writers, bad. FOSTER: The DCI will have my preliminary findings on his desk within 48 hours. Until that time, you will be reassigned as a desk officer. You may go. [SCENE_BREAK] Sark's Cell VAUGHN: I'm not going to kill you. That would be too easy. But I'll leave you so disfigured that when you walk down the street, people will pity you. Lauren is going to pay for the damage she's done to the people I care about, not for having had an affair with you. I don't give a rat's ass who she's sleeping with. So, for the last time, where is she? [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda [SCENE_BREAK] SYDNEY: How is Marshall? WEISS: He's still in the OR. Eighteen agents taken to St. John's. Twelve treated and released, four being held overnight for observation, and Brandon's not going to make it out of the FIX. It just makes me sick. SYDNEY: Where's Vaughn? WEISS: I haven't seen him since he finished interrogating Sark, but, uhh, word is he worked him over pretty good. Didn't get any information out of him, but it had to feel pretty good trying. I'm sure he'll be back soon. Probably needed to walk it off. SYDNEY: (cell) Eric said you took off. Need some company? VAUGHN: (cell) No, I'm good. SYDNEY: (cell) Where are you? VAUGHN: (cell) Doesn't matter. SYDNEY: (cell) What does that mean? Vaughn, what's goin' on? Sark talked, didn't he, and you know where Lauren is. VAUGHN: (cell) I'm taking care of it. SYDNEY: (cell) I don't know what you're thinking, but you cannot do this, Michael. If you kill her, you will be arrested and charged with her murder. If you're not, if you get away with it, it'll haunt you, Michael. God, after everything we've been through, I'll lose you all over again. VAUGHN: (cell) I have to go. Vaughn's out in the rain. A car pulls up to a warehouse, and Lauren goes inside. Vaughn follows inside. LAUREN: You're sure the computation is exact? TECH: It's all good. ... Someone went through a lot of hoo-hah to encrypted a longitude and a latitude. What the hell is in Palermo? On the screen are some equations and coordinates: 38deg 07' N, 13deg 21' E Y=A(cosh(X/L)C-1) X=L/C(cosh-1)(1+Y/A) where A=?/((Q2/Q1)-1)=? C=cosh-1(Q2/Q1)=3.0022 LAUREN: You're payed to be discreet, not curious. TECH: That's okay, beautiful. This will keep my mouth shut. He's apparently been paid very well. LAUREN: So will this. Lauren shoots him, takes the money, and walks off. VAUGHN: Hi honey. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda SYDNEY: I need the tape from the Sark interrogation. TECH: Actually, that's been classified. SYDNEY: By who? TECH: Jack Bristow. Sydney, of course, goes to confront him. SYDNEY: I want that tape. JACK: No, you don't. Not if you want what's best for Vaughn. SYDNEY: You know what he's going to do if we don't stop him. JACK: Yes. He'll get closure. SYDNEY: You want him to kill Lauren. JACK: If he doesn't, it will eat at him like a cancer. The only cure is to end it, now. She destroyed Vaughn's life. SYDNEY: Vaughn's life, not yours. This is about what Lauren did to Vaughn, not what mom did to you. I don't know what you've told him or how much of all this you've orchestrated, but in some twisted way, you've got Vaughn carrying your burden, trying to get you closure by doing the one thing you never had a chance to do, kill the person who betrayed you. JACK: I did have a chance, and I didn't take it. And not a day went by that I didn't regret letting her go. Vaughn will feel the same way. He will end up like me, and I love you too much to let that happen. [SCENE_BREAK] Vaughn has taken Lauren to another warehouse and strung her up with a pulley. LAUREN: Michael, please, I need to ask you to understand. When the Covenant asked me to marry you, I knew eventually they'd want me to coax you back into the CIA. Two years went by, and I hadn't heard from them, and by then I'd convinced myself I never would. I prayed I wouldn't, because I'd fallen in love with you. VAUGHN: Shut up! I am going to erase you. I'm going to remove any evidence you ever existed. You used me, you used my grief, my work, who I am. You took that from me. I'm, taking it back. This is hydrochloric acid. You'll be unrecognizable. LAUREN: Michael, I swear I was going to tell you everything. Remember that night we went downtown and had dinner? Instead, you told me Sydney was back. She came back, and you didn't need me anymore. I could see it in your eyes. Sydney came back, and... VAUGHN: I said don't say her name. VAUGHN: I hate you, but I love Sydney more. That's the only reason you're not dying tonight. Vaughn gets stabbed in the back by someone. All that's seen are gloved hands taking a key from Vaughn. LAUREN: Thank God. Lauren spits on him. [SCENE_BREAK] Night - Safe-house [SCENE_BREAK] SLOANE: Shhh. Shhh. Quiet. Listen to me. This device I'm wearing on my wrist is masking my heat signature. I have three minutes before the thermal imagers detect a malfunction. I trust that you will allow me that time before you alert the guards. NADIA: What are you doing here? SLOANE: You received your last dose of the Rambaldi fluid. I saw you begin to draw, which means you know where the Rambaldi artifact is . I gather you never told the CIA. That is wise, Nadia. They cannot be trusted. NADIA: You expect me to trust me, after what you did to me? SLOANE: It was all in an effort to pave the way for us. Rambaldi wrote about this vessel in which he was able to house his consciousness, his essence, his soul. He called it the sphere of life. Now you and I can claim it together. NADIA: Your beliefs are your own. SLOANE: I understand your skepticism, but tell me this. When you were under the influence of the Rambaldi fluid, what you saw, was it not transcendent? Was it not divine? Yes, it was. I can see it in your eyes. NADIA: You have twenty seconds before the guards detect you. You have to go. SLOANE: I'm leaving you instructions on how to find me. I pray you'll use it. [SCENE_BREAK] Hospital SYDNEY: Vaughn! NURSE: What do we got? EMS: 35-year-old. Stab wound to the back. 18... and tachycardic at 125. ... SYDNEY: Vaughn, you're going to be okay. He's wheeled away. Some time later, Jack shows up. JACK: I heard. Is he still in surgery? SYDNEY: You were right. Lauren has to pay. JACK: Vaughn is going to be okay, and when he is, he has to end it, not you. SYDNEY: If it's okay for Vaughn it's okay for me. I need your help... expedited credentials, transportation... JACK: My advice was specific to Lauren's betrayal of him. SYDNEY: Lauren betrayed all of us. JACK: Not in the same way. She was his wife. SYDNEY: I don't care about any of that now. I want her to die, and that's going to happen whether you help me or not. [SCENE_BREAK] Sark's Cell [SCENE_BREAK] Lauren's brought in. LAUREN: When I went to meet your contact, Vaughn was there. He was your contact. You set the meeting. Did you set me up? LAUREN: It's okay, I would have told them too. LAUREN: Let me see what they've done to you. LAUREN: My mother's hired a lawyer. He'll be here soon. The only way we can get the location is if I tell him how to access your contact's information. SARK: He backs up everything on an off-site server. LAUREN: Tell me you know the passphrase. SARK: I do. It's a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche. LAUREN: God is dead. SARK: No, the other one. Woman was God's second mistake. Lauren starts to choke him through the bars. LAUREN: Thank you. Lauren lets him go. Sydney takes off her mask. Lauren's really Sydney, of course. SYDNEY: Voice modulator courtesy of CIA technical services. SARK: This little trick of yours means Vaughn failed. Tell me, is he dead. SYDNEY: No, he's not. But thanks to you, Lauren won't be so lucky. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney's Loft, err, Apartment SYDNEY: The equation leads to Palermo. JACK: False ID, passport, drivers license. Plane from ? Aerospace is standing by with instructions to take you wherever you want to go. If this is the location of the artifact, there will be a strong Covenant presence. SYDNEY: I'll be careful. JACK: Let me go instead. SYDNEY: I can't. JACK: I'll cover for you with Foster. SYDNEY: What is it? JACK: Nothing. We'll talk when you get back. [SCENE_BREAK] PALERM[O] (pushthrough) Sydney repels down a cliff and approaches an excavation site complete with armed guards. [SCENE_BREAK] Hospital [SCENE_BREAK] Vaughn wakes up. WEISS: How're you doing? VAUGHN: Where's Sydney? WEISS: Take it easy. Easy, sit back. VAUGHN: Tell me where she is. WEISS: She went after Lauren. MICHAEL: No no no, have to get her. WEISS: No no no no, Mike, you've got a punctured lung. There's a guard outside the door. Foster's got the building locked down. He revoked your clearance pending investigation of your rogue op. You're not going anywhere. VAUGHN: I have to get to Syd. She's walking into a trap. WEISS: What? What are you talking about? VAUGHN: Lauren didn't stab me. Katya Derevko did. [SCENE_BREAK] Hospital again. WEISS: Vaughn's flatlining. I need help in here now. NURSE: Pull his covers so I can clear him Vaughn shocks the nurses. VAUGHN: Let's go. They go out into the hall, with Vaughn holding Weiss at gunpoint. Two goons are there. GOONS: Freeze! VAUGHN: No, you freeze! GOONS: Put it down. WEISS: Come on, think about what you're doing, man. VAUGHN: Put down your weapons, put them in the trash can. WEISS: Put it down, guys, put it down. VAUGHN: Now get in the elevator! VAUGHN: Get in! WEISS: What? VAUGHN: Get in! Vaughn shoots an elevator button, which apparently breaks the entire elevator system. He runs to a staircase, the infamous Alias staircase, with one of the guard's walkies. VOICE: (walkie) Locking the building down. On our way up. This is no problem, because Vaughn uses a fire hose to escape past the guards who are running up the stairs. He sees a few guards outside. No problem... VAUGHN: (walkie) Vaughn's going out the front. All units to the main entrance. The guards run around front, and Vaughn escapes. [SCENE_BREAK] Palermo Sydney's still sitting watching. It's dark out. Someone comes up behind her with a gun, but Sydney notices and disarms... Katya. KATYA: Sydney! I could have killed you. I thought you were a Covenant guard. SYDNEY: What are you doing here? KATYA: I'm infiltrating the camp, the same as you. My informant told me the Covenant had been transporting excavation equipment. I thought they might have a lead on the Rambaldi artifact. SYDNEY: Have you seen Lauren? Is she here? KATYA: She was. She drove away about an hour ago. SYDNEY: Then we'll wait until she gets back before we make our move. Sydney hands the gun back. KATYA: The Covenant agents have been patrolling up here. We'd better take cover. Are you alone? SYDNEY: Yes. Katya tries to shoot Sydney, but there's no ammunition in the gun. Sydney's taken it. Note: This is bogus. Nobody who's ever handled a gun would fail to notice the LACK OF A MAGAZINE. Bullets are heavy. It's even possible to estimate within one round how many rounds are in a gun, given enough practice with that gun. KATYA: How did you know? SYDNEY: I didn't, but now I do. Sydney shoots Katya with a tranq. She shoots two other guards. Lauren pulls up. WORKER: We have already hit subsoil, hard clay. If the artifact is any deeper, we will need ground-penetrating radar to narrow the search grid. LAUREN: Then do it. The artifact is here. I want it found. WORKER: (to others, something in Italian) Sydney shoots Lauren, but hits the worker instead. [SCENE_BREAK] Safehouse AGENT: Hey Nadia, we're ordering Chinese. Game? (no response) AGENT: Nadia? Nadia! Nadia! Coming in! He and another agent break down the door, and discover she's missing. [SCENE_BREAK] Street [SCENE_BREAK] Nadia meets Sloane SLOANE: Covenant solved the equation. Rambaldi's sphere may already be compromised. NADIA: When I was drawing, there were moments as the fluid wore off. I altered the equation. I didn't want to give you what you were looking for. SLOANE: Which means the Covenant has the wrong coordinates. They're looking for the sphere in the wrong place. NADIA: We should go. We have a long journey ahead of us. They walk off. [SCENE_BREAK] Palermo [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney approaches the excavation site. Lauren ambushes her. LAUREN: Guess who? Catfight. Dumb ABC. Just because it worked last year doesn't mean repeating the whole thing will work. LAUREN: If you kill me, you'll never know the truth. SYDNEY: That's the truth. Sucks, doesn't it? LAUREN: Do you think the CIA couldn't find you when you went missing, or that they learned what happened to you by chance? And if your mother's really been helping you since she left You're just trying to buy time. LAUREN: You can't believe that you and your sister just happened to be agents SYDNEY: This isn't going to work. LAUREN: There's a bank in Whittenberg. A numbered vault. Proof. LAUREN: We're both pawns in the same game. The difference is I know who controls me. SYDNEY: Who controls me? LAUREN: I guess you'll never know. VAUGHN: Stop! LAUREN: Put the gun down! If you love her, you'll put the gun down. Vaughn lowers the gun. LAUREN: You really are a boyscout. Vaughn shoots Lauren. SYDNEY: Vaughn! What are you doing? How did you get here? VAUGHN: I came for you. They kiss. Lauren starts to get up. Vaughn shoots her. LAUREN: one... zero... six... two... Vaughn shoots her a fifth time. She falls. VAUGHN: What was that? SYDNEY: I dunno. It doesn't matter. [SCENE_BREAK] WITTE[N]BERG (pushthrough) Sydney's at the bank. MANAGER: If you have further questions about your account, please feel free to come to my office when you're finished. SYDNEY: Thank you. She ignores the new box she rented, and breaks into box 1062 using various Marshall gadgets. She finds a CIA file written in phosphorescent ink. It starts out: [p1] NO. 938-JB/47 SAB 47 PROJECT [SCENE_BREAK] PROJECT INITIATED: 17 APRIL 1975 PROJECT SUBJECT: SYDNEY ANNE BRISTOW PROJECT STATUS: ACTIVE SENIOR PROJECT MANAGER: (Signature) JACK BRISTOW She reads the other pages and starts crying. Then... JACK: Sydney. She looks up. JACK: You were never supposed to have found this.

Lauren stages a stunning betrayal to steal classified materials from the CIA. Meanwhile, Vaughn comes face to face with his darkest demons in pursuit of his wife; Nadia must decide whether or not she can trust her father, Sloane, in the pursuit of Rambaldi's most priceless artifact; and Sydney receives a shattering revelation that will make her question everything - and everyone - she thought she could trust.

fd_The_L_Word_01x05

fd_The_L_Word_01x05_0

INT . - WEST HOLLYWOOD DINER - BATHROOM - NIGHT [title card: West Hollywood, California 1976] [Muffled traffic and police sirens are heard outside, in addition to music coming from the diner. Two men, Stephen Green and Sammy Craff, are in the bathroom. Sammy pushes Stephen to the wall. Stephen tries to kiss him. Sammy pushes him against the wall again, then backs up against the opposite wall. He unzips his jeans.] Sammy: You ready? (unbelts pants) I'll bet you are. [Sammy puts his foot up on the nearby toilet. Stephen stares at him.] Sammy: You just gonna stand there, or are you going to do something with this? [Stephen approaches. He tries to kiss Sammy again. Sammy pushes him down by the head.] Sammy: Go on. Take that meat. [Stephen starts to give Sammy head. Sammy sighs and groans.] INT . - WEST HOLLYWOOD DINER - NIGHT [Outside, the diner is busy. The patrons are all men. Most of them are dressed up for partying. A few red, white and blue balloons float around, and there are some red, white and blue streamers hanging up. A couple of decorative signs on the wall read "1776" and "1976" (1976 was the Bicentennial celebration of America's independence). A couple of workers stand behind the counter, helping patrons. Music plays - Connie Francis - "Everybody's Somebody's Fool"] [The order bell rings. One of the workers behind the counter goes to the kitchen window and picks up a bag.] Worker: Twenty-four. Number twenty-four? [One of the guys sitting at the counter looks at his receipt.] Guy: God. [He gets up and heads to the back, toward the restroom. Just before he gets there, the door flies open. Sammy emerges, holding out a police badge for everyone to see, with Stephen in handcuffs.] Sammy: Stephen Green, you f*ckin' faggot, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. [main title] INT . - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY [Tim and Jenny are brushing their teeth, getting ready for the day. They kiss. Tim picks Jenny up, Jenny giggles, and they walk off camera.] INT . - ALICE'S APARTMENT - DAY [Alice is sleeping on the couch, under a comforter. A noise in the kitchen startles her. She sits up.] Alice: f*ck! Mom! sh1t! [Lenore comes out of the kitchen, wiping her pajama top with a dish towel.] Lenore: Wasn't my fault, wasn't my fault. That machine is just... [Alice grunts and gets up, heads into the kitchen.] Alice: Oh, f*ck... Christ. Allright. (in kitchen) What the fu - aw, god, Mom! (sighing) Ah, f*ck! [Lenore goes to the big board on the wall - the original, infamous chart with the names on it - grabs a dry-erase marker and proceeds to writes her name down at the bottom. Then, she draws a line back to Shane. Alice comes back in.] Alice: Okay, do you know how much that espresso maker costs, mom? What... what's that? What are you doing? [Lenore steps back and looks at the boards.] Lenore: My name. [Alice walks up to the board, grabs an eraser and starts to erase Lenore's name.] Alice: Okay, this is not something you just go and write your name on, like you're giving some sort of autograph. Lenore: I know that, Alice. I'm not stupid, I understand the purpose of your chart. That's why I wrote my name. Right there, off of Shane. [Alice turns around.] Alice: Shane. Lenore: Mm-hmm. Remember the other night at the party, when we were talking? Alice: Yeah, we were all talking. You can't be on the chart for talking. Lenore: I know, would you listen to my story? [Lenore walks to the couch and sits down.] Lenore: We were talking, and at the end of the evening, when we were saying our goodbyes... we had a moment. Alice: A moment. Lenore: A romantic moment. [Alice closes her eyes.] Lenore: And I have to say, I'm not sure that I haven't been limiting myself... [Alice opens her eyes and gawks at her mother.] Lenore: ... in being exclusively with men. [Alice rubs her neck, trying to figure out what to say. She approaches her mother.] Alice: Um... (laughs) (smiling) I need you to tell me exactly what happened. Lenore: We kissed. At first, it was casual, but then it became... intimate. French. [Alice blinks. Lenore smiles.] INT . - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - DAY [Tina comes racing into their bedroom from the kitchen, holding the phone in front of her and her other hand over her mouth. A moment later, she comes racing out of the bedroom, into the bathroom, and slams the door. Bette comes walking out of the bedroom, and stands in the hallway in front of the bathroom door.] Bette: Baby, are you okay? [Inside the bathroom, Tina throws up. Bette answers the phone.] Bette: (phone) Hello? (smiling) Daddy, you're here! [More retching noises from the bathroom. Bette walks into the kitchen.] Bette: No, everything's just great. [More retching noises from the bathroom, then the sound of a commode flushing.] Bette: (in kitchen) (phone) What? INT . - KIT'S APARTMENT - DAY [Kit sits at a table, writing on a note pad. She writes, "Dearest David, This is your mother." She scratches out "your mother" and writes "Kit" instead.] INT . - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY [Tina is laying on the bed, recuperating. Bette is sitting at the foot of the bed, putting her shoes on for work.] Bette: Wonder what he's gonna say when we tell him. (smiling) He is gonna be so excited. (putting shoes on) What should we tell him when he asks about the last name? Tina: Why do we have to bring it up? [Bette stands, puts on her jacket, and walks to the bureau to get her jewelry.] Bette: Well, I'm not saying that we should, just, you know, if he does. Just might be easier to use Kennard-Porter, I think. Tina: (sighs) I don't think we should tell him anything that might not be true. You know how your father is. [Bette looks at Tina.] Bette: How is he? Tina: I think we should do some sort of combo thing. You know? Instead of the whole hyphenated thing? [Bette walks back over and puts a pink handkerchief in her jacket's breast pocket.] Bette: What, like, "Portard"? [Tina sits up and smiles at Bette.] Tina: Bette... (chuckles) "Hey, Poor Tard, how's your two moms, ya big gay-mo?" [Bette smiles.] Tina: Or whatever it's gonna be in 2015. Bette: Okay, fine. What about Kenter, then? (puts on earrings) Tina: It has a nice sound to it, doesn't it? Bette: You're right. We should just... try not to talk about it tonight. [Bette walks out of the room. Tina collapses back to the bed.] EXT. - COUNTRY CLUB - TENNIS COURTS - DAY [Dana has just finished practicing. She meets her coach at the net.] Coach: Nice, Dana. Much better. Dana: (smiling) Thank you. Coach: I'm gonna have Andrew come by this week and test the speed of that serve, allright? Dana: Allright, sounds good. Thank you, I'll see you in a bit, okay? Coach: Good stuff. Dana: Allright. [She and the coach part ways. Dana heads to the stands a few feet away, where Lara sits.] Dana: (smiling) (to Lara) Hi. Lara: Hey. Dana: How are you? [Dana bends down and kisses Lara.] Dana: Mmm. (sits) So, my serve is faster. Lara: Cool. [Dana's agent, Conrad, walks up behind them. He's dialing his cell phone, so isn't paying attention to them just yet, and they don't see him.] Lara: So who is the sexiest tennis player in the world? [Dana giggles and puts her head on Lara's shoulder.] Dana: Anna Kournikova ? [Dana laughs and kisses Lara again. Conrad looks up.] Conrad: Hey! [Dana jumps up. Lara gets up and stands next to her. Conrad comes down and stands in front of them.] Dana: Hey. [Conrad looks at them both.] Conrad: So. Guess who's having an event tonight and wants you to come? [Dana smiles, and is about to say something, but Lara cuts her off.] Lara: Subaru? [Dana chuckles. Conrad looks at Lara.] Conrad: Who are you? Her psychic? [Lara leers at him. Conrad chuckles.] Conrad: (to Dana) Yeah. So, uh, Subaru's hosting a dinner. Some kind of charity event, to support the arts in, uh, public schools. It'll be teeming with the who's who. How hot is that? Dana: That's very hot. [Lara puts her hand on Dana's back. Conrad watches the display.] Lara: (to Dana) See how you're a star? (to Conrad) So, where is it? Conrad: Morton's. 8 o'clock. Lara: I'm so excited! It's gonna be so great. [Lara puts her arms around Dana's neck and moves closer, whispering in her ear.] Lara: You are so f*cking hot. I wanna have s*x with you right now. [Dana puts a hand on Lara's neck smiles.] Conrad: (chuckling) Allright. Still here, ladies. [Dana and Lara break contact.] Dana: Sorry. Conrad: Yeah, ah. Don't apologize. Hey, you know what? Ever wanna... mix it up, let me know! [Dana and Lara squint at him.] Conrad: I'm kidding. (laughing) I'm kidding, I'm just kidding. Lara: I'm gonna get back to work. (to Dana) Um... I will see you later. Dana: Mkay. Lara: (to Conrad) It was nice meeting you. I think. [Lara leaves.] Conrad: It's a joke. A joke. Just a... just a joke. (to Dana, still watching Lara) She's cute. Really cute. [Conrad turns back to Dana and gives her a silent up-and-down look.] Conrad: So, about tonight, I think you should bring Harrison. He's your doubles partner, it's what people want to see. [Dana glances over at Lara, who is just walking around the corner.] Conrad: Dana? Dana: I - Conrad: Dana? (holds phone out) You wanna call him? Or should I? [Dana walks away.] INT . - THE PLANET - DAY [Alice is asking Shane about her mother. Music plays in the background.] Shane: I mean, I'd really... love to say that it's not true, but... [Alice shakes her head and rubs her neck.] Alice: Oh, my god... Shane: Ah, sh1t. I don't know, man, your mom... all I know is I was saying goodbye, and the next thing I know, she just... (shakes head) ... (sighs) f*ck. [Alice looks uncomfortable, and paces.] Shane: I don't know. I'm thinking maybe those drinks were a little strong. [Alice sighs, and paces.] Alice: You know what this means? This means I can never be gay again! Never! I cannot be gay! Shane: Al, (chuckles) c'mon, it's no big deal. Your mom is really sexy for an older woman. Alice: (grunts) Oh! Shane: She is! And you know what, she's got really.... (gesturing for breasts) ... she's really.... [Alice sits in a chair and covers her ears with a pillow.] Alice: Oh... (singing) My baloney has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R, my baloney has a second name - Shane: Al, shut up, okay? I should be singing. Your mom got funky with me, allright? Alice: She came on to you? [Shane half-smiles and shakes her head.] Shane: (smiling) sh1t, she's wild, Al. Alice: Oh, okay, please with the details! God! Why's my mom such a slutty, slutty, chicken-chasing pervert? I mean, god, you know, not to mention a liar, because she said you came on to her, and she was just being polite! Shane: (reading newspaper) She's wild. Alice: Uh, well, you can say your goodbyes because she is going back to Nelson's. I am not driving her to Palm Springs, they can do that. She put her name on the chart. Do you know that? (flustered) I mean, what is that? I mean, who di - where'd she come from? [Alice noticed a couple of well-dressed men sitting at a table several feet away, eyeing Shane.] Alice: Okay, there's two guys staring at you, and I think one of them is Harry Samchuck. [Shane turns to look. One of the guys waves at her. She turns back around quickly.] Shane: (tosses paper down) f*ck. (a beat) He thinks I'm a guy. [Alice squints at the two men.] Shane: All of those f*cking gay Hollywood mafia fags think I'm some twink they can pick up on. (gets up) Allright. I'm outta here. Alice: Hey, hey. I'm really sorry you got Lenore'd. Shane: (chuckling) It's allright, don't worry. It happens. (pats Alice on the head) I'll see you later. [Shane leaves.] ELSEWHERE AT THE PLANET - [Clive, an old friend of Shane's, is at the counter, getting a crescent roll.] Clive: (to worker behind counter) Can I see the one just... no... third one in. No, next to that. No... Shane: Jesus Christ. Just give him whichever one's on top. [Clive turns around. He smiles.] Shane: Where the hell have you been? [Shane draws Clive into a tight hug.] Clive: San Diego. Shane: Yeah? With your mom? Clive: Yeah. I needed a break. L.A. was getting all (mimicking a talking head with his hand) "blah, blah, blah"... [Clive waves to Harry Samchuck. Shane looks over there. Harry Samchuck smiles and waves for Clive to come to his table.] Shane: That's your friend now? Clive: Yeah, I uh, I met him. You know. Shane: (joking) (smiling) You are a f*cking asshole, you know that? You're a dick. Call me. Take care. [Shane begins to leave.] Clive: (grabs Shane's arm) Shane. Shane: What? Clive: I need a favor. Shane: Aw. Clive... I can't do it. I don't have the room this time. Clive: Please, it's just for a couple of days. Shane: Jesus, man, I got roommates. And they're gonna freak out. There's four of us living in one bedroom. (a beat) I mean, what, you can't stay with someone else? Clive: No, I... made some calls, but, uh, you know, no one's called me back. [Shane shakes her head.] Shane: (sincere) Dammit, I ca - I'm sorry. I can't do it this time. Clive: (shaking head) (smiling) It's cool. Shane: Yeah? Clive: (lying) Yeah! Of course. Shane: Sweet. Will you call me, though? Clive: Yeah. Shane: Please? Clive: Of course. Shane: It's good to see you. Bye, darlin'. [Shane leaves. Clive grabs his order off the counter and heads for Harry Samchuck's table.] Clive: Mister Samchuck... Harry: Clive, (points to friend) have you met Mark? EXT. - PARKING LOT - DAY [The swim team is getting on the bus to go to a competition. Tim and Randy stand at the bus door, checking the roster. Trish comes up to the door.] Trish: (to Tim) (smiling) Trish Peverell? Tim: (looking at roster) I can't seem to, uh... (laughing) Get on the bus. [Trish gets on the bus.] [Randy looks really nervous.] Tim: You are so f*cking nervous, man. (laughs) Randy: I know, I know. Tim: I don't even have to bother. Look at you. Randy: I know, man, I know. I gotta try and calm down, I mean... I mean, we're in a good position, right. Look, man, I don't even want to know what you did to get Trish in this, but I thank you. [They clasp hands and hug.] Tim: No problem. Seriously. Randy: Allright, let's do this. [Randy and Tim smack fists.] Tim: Let's win it! Randy: Yeah! Tim: Allright! [Randy gets on the bus. Tim kneels and puts his clipboard in his duffle bag. He searches his jacket for his stopwatch, but doesn't find it.] Tim: f*ck! (searching bag) Randy? f*ck. Randy! Randy: What's going on? Tim: Uh, forgot my stopwatch. Randy: Hey, man, there's no way you're leaving now, man. Tim: Oh, I gotta. We're not going to win without it. You know that. And don't call me superstitious, either, because I know you have your Garfield boxers on. [Randy lifts his shirt and tugs on the waist of his boxers, which say "Garfield".] Randy: Absolutely. (laughs) Okay, look, don't be late, man. Tim: sh1t. I'll probably be there before you. [Tim grabs his bag and walks toward his car. He passes the school mascot on the way, a big blue bird.] Mascot: Whassup! INT . - THE GARAGE - DAY [Marina and Jenny are sitting together on the sofa bed by the window. Marina is reading something Jenny wrote.] Marina: I think it has amazing potential. Jenny: Potential? Marina: Well, it's a draft, right? Jenny: (defensive) Yes. Marina: Well, you can't expect every story you write to fall out of you and be gold. [Jenny tosses her story aside.] Marina: Writing is re-writing. Jenny: Mm-hmm. Marina: It doesn't make you less talented. Jenny: Right. [Jenny, leaned back against the window, puts her leg in Marina's lap. Marina leans close, over Jenny.] Marina: Your strength is you write from here. [Marina puts her palm over Jenny's heart.] Marina: (quietly) The demons that tempt you. That you struggle with. [Jenny pushes Marina's hair back and looks at her.] Marina: Am I that demon? [Jenny looks at Marina.] INT . - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY [Tina is trying on clothing - apparently everything she owns. A pile of clothing lays on the bed.] [She tries to button some pants, but can't. She sighs.] [She holds a blouse up to her. Doesn't like it. And another.] Tina: Ugh. [She tosses a shirt onto the growing pile. She puts on a purple sundress.] [The doorbell rings. She sighs, and goes to answer it.] INT . - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - DAY [Kit is at the door. Tina is running to open it, but doesn't get there before Kit opens it. Kit has a medium-sized box in her arms.] Kit: (gasps) Oh girl, you scared me. Guess what I got for you, mommy! Check it out! Vitamins for women. (sets box on kitchen table) Everything that you don't get, even when you have a good diet. [Tina looks in the box as Kit takes some of the contents out.] Kit: It's gonna be so good for you and the baby. [Tina smiles and hugs Kit.] Tina: You're so good to me. Kit: I - I wanted to bring you something. (steps back) That's a cute dress. Tina: You think? (looks down) I think it makes me look fat. I bet it'll take Melvin 5 minutes to say it. Kit: Um... Melvin? My father? He's here in Los Angeles? [Tina apparently wasn't supposed to tell Kit.] Tina: Yeah, he's, uh... he's just sort of in and out... uh, some sort of business thing. Bette made him squeeze us in. She really wants to tell him about the baby in person. Kit: (a little hurt) Ai. Sounds like it'll work out really nice for you. Tina: Yeah, it saves us the trip. [Kit sighs.] INT . - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY [Tim comes in the front door, looking for his stopwatch. The sound of kids playing is heard from outside.] Tim: Hello? Jen? You home? [He looks under newspapers.] Tim: Jenny? [He finds his stopwatch by the window that looks out over the garage.] INT . - THE GARAGE - DAY [Jenny sits on the edge of the sofa bed. Marina is going down on her.] Jenny: Oh, f*ck... oh... oh yeah... wait, wait, right there... [Tim comes to the door, and stops when he sees Marina and Jenny through the door window.] Jenny: Oh, yeah! [Tim slowly pushes the door open, shocked. He steps inside and stands there. Neither Jenny nor Marina notice he's there.] Jenny: Mm! Ah! f*ck! Mm! Ah! [Jenny leans up and sees Tim. Marina turns around, then gets up, buttons her pants, takes her shirt and leaves. Jenny puts her tights back on and covers herself with her shirt. Tim is in total shock. He steps forward and stares down at her, tears almost forming in his eyes. Jenny stares up at him.] [Tim bends and picks up Jenny's story off the floor. He reads the title: "The Demons That Tempt Me" by Jennifer Schecter. Tim tosses it at her and walks out.] INT . - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY [Bette comes in. Tina's on the bed, sleeping in her purple sundress and fuzzy slippers.] Bette: (sighs) Tina? (shakes Tina's leg) Tina, wake up. Tina: (waking) Oh... hi baby. Bette: We have to pick up my dad in half an hour. Tina: (sitting up) Oh, okay. All I have to do is, uh, put on my makeup. Bette: You're not serious. You - you're not wearing that dress. [Tina looks down at herself.] Bette: I, you know, I - I'll just pick something else out. Can you at least just take the tags off the present? [Bette hands her a Chanel bag and goes to the closet. Tina opens the bag and pulls out a small package. She opens the package and pulls out a red tie. She looks at the pricetag on the tie. It says $300.00.] Bette: Why did you call me earlier? Tina: (taking pricetag off) I didn't. Bette: (picking out clothes) Well, my cell showed our home number. Tina: Oh, hm. Mighta been Kit. She dropped by earlier. She brought us vitamins. [Tina puts the tie back in the package.] Bette: You didn't tell her daddy was in town, did you? [Tina looks up at Bette.] Bette: (sighs) Tina, what were you thinking? (walks to Tina) I mean, first David writes a note on a post-it, and her dad's in town, he doesn't even bother to call her... these are just the kinds of things that make it hard for her to stay sober. Tina: Well, I'm sorry, but you didn't brief me on what allright to say and what wasn't. Bette: I shouldn't have to. [Bette throws the clothes on the bed for Tina to change into. She grabs the package and Chanel sack and leaves the room. Tina looks hurt.] EXT. - PARKING LOT - NIGHT [Tim leans against his car, in the near-darkness, at the building where the swim team is competing. The bus is parked nearby.] [He's looking at his stopwatch. He presses the stop/go button and the reset button over and over and over again. He presses down on the glass of the stopwatch face too hard with his thumb, and the glass breaks.] [He walks to the building.] EXT. - MELVIN PORTER'S HOTEL - NIGHT [Bette and Tina are pulling up in their car. Bette is on the phone as she parks the car.] Bette: (phone) (smiling) You see me? Daddy, it's the blue Saab. Look straight ahead. Do you see me? (looks in rearview mirror) I can see you! Tina's in the passenger seat right next to me, she'll get out right now. [Bette nudges Tina and motions for her to get out of the car.] Bette: (phone) Yeah, she'll wave. (to Tina) Wave. Wave when you get out. [Tina slowly unbuckles her seatbelt and steps out of the car.] Bette: (phone) You see her? See? (to Tina) (whispering, frustrated) Wave. Wave! [Tina waves. We see Bette's dad standing by the hotel entrance about 50 feet away. He waves back and begins to walk over.] Bette: (phone) Yeah! That's her. (chuckles) [Bette hangs up and gets out of the car. She and her dad hug, excited to see each other.] Melvin: (laughing) Oh, it's so good to see you! [Bette goes to get back in the car. Melvin walks toward Tina.] Melvin: (smiling) Hello. Tina: (smiling) Hi. [Melvin politely kisses Tina on the cheek. Tina gets into the back seat of the car, then Melvin gets in the front seat. Tina hands Melvin the Chanel sack with the tie in it.] Tina: This is from Bette. Melvin: (taking sack) From Bette? Tina: Mm-hmm. Melvin: Ah, now... what can this be? Oh, no, don't tell me... (opens package) It is a tie. (chuckles) Bette: I thought the color would look good on you. Melvin: (laughing happily) 'Cause you've got the eye! [Tina sits in the backseat, feeling ignored.] Melvin: (chuckling) Ah, look at that. Beautiful. Bette: (starts car) Hope you're hungry. [Bette turns around to see to back the car up, but Tina is in the way.] Bette: (to Tina) Can you just move over? I can't see. [Tina scoots over.] Bette: (backing car up) Thanks, Tee. Melvin: Oh, I am. That's what we have in mind. Oh, that was a nice trip. [They drive away.] EXT. - PARKING LOT - NIGHT [The swim team is getting on the bus after the competition. Trish walks with Tim.] Trish: Hey. Don't take it so hard. We only lost by a 10-point margin. Tim: You did a great job, out there. Thanks. [Trish gets on the bus. Suddenly, Jenny comes racing up to Tim, from somewhere in the parkinglot.] Jenny: Tim! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Tim: (holding Jenny back) What are you - what are you doing here? Jenny: Please, please, don't shut me out! Please? [Tim literally holds Jenny at arm's length. Behind him, the team continues to board the bus.] Tim: Please what, Jenny, huh? What the f*ck is with "please"? Just give me my ring! [Tim grabs Jenny's hand and tries to take the ring off.] Jenny: No! I'm not giving you your ring! [Jenny backs away and tries to keep her hand from him.] Tim: Give me my ring. Jenny: No, no! I'm not giving you your ring! If you want the ring, take it off my finger... [The team on the bus sit at the windows, watching Tim and Jenny. Jenny tries to keep her hand away from Tim, but he gets angry and grabs her.] Tim: (really angry) I f*cking swear to god, just give me my ring! Jenny: (yelling) Nooo! Nooo! Don't! Nooo! [Randy jumps off the bus and pulls Tim off of Jenny.] Randy: Hey, hey! What the hell are you doing, man?! (to Jenny) Are you alright? Jenny: (hands up) I'm fine! Randy: (to Tim) What the hell's going on? Tim: (calm) Randy... just leave us alone, allright, this is none of your business. Randy: Listen, if you want to start beating on your woman in front of me and the whole team, that is my business. Tim: I was not beating on her. [Jenny stands a few feet away, watching.] Tim: (to Randy) Leave us alone, that's all I need from you. [Randy sighs and turns to Jenny.] Jenny: (hands up) I'm fine. Randy: (sighs) (to Tim, closely) Listen. Don't disappoint me, man. Allright, you don't wanna do that. Tim: I won't. Allright, this is just between us. [Randy pats Tim on the shoulder and gets on the bus. The bus drives away.] Jenny: Tim, you have to understand that this was a big mistake. It was like... watching yourself, and seeing yourself do something terrible, and not being able to stop it. Tim: Why? (yelling) Why couldn't you stop it? Why was it so f*cking hard?! Jenny: (shaking head) I don't know. Tim: When did it start? Jenny: That was the first time, the only time... we didn't even talk. Tim: So, you went from not talking to letting her eat you out? Is that it? Jenny: Please don't say that. Tim: I can't believe this is happening. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with you. Jenny: Well, why can't we? Tim: Because you f*cked it all up, Jenny! Jenny: I know, but I'm begging you to forgive me. Tim: God... I mean... you two must have just been laughing at me, the whole time... Jenny: No, no, no, no, nobody was laughing at you, it was just this thing that happened and it wasn't planned. Tim: You know what kills me? (two beats) I was standing there. Watching you two. Jenny: Tim. [Jenny tries to put her arms around Tim's neck. Tim walks away, to his car.] Jenny: Tim, please. Please, please, Tim. (pulls on Tim's arm) Tim, please, please, please. Please Tim. [Tim throws Jenny off and gets in the car. He sits in it and stares straight ahead.] Jenny: Please, this doesn't have to... if you can just forgive me, Tim, please, it doesn't have to end. We can just keep on going as we'd planned and nothing has to change, right? Tim, please, please, don't leave me. 'Cause if you leave me, I think that I'll die. Tim, please look at me. [Tim finally looks at her.] Jenny: I love you. And I just wanna be your wife. Tim: You wanna be my wife? Jenny: Yes. (nodding) More than anything else. Tim: Get in the car. [Jenny gets in the car. Tim starts the engine and they drive off.] INT . - DANA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Soft, jazzy vocalist music plays in the background. Dana, in an extremely tight dress, heels and makeup, walks down the stairs. She's putting on earrings. At the bottom of the stairs, she drops an earring. She struggles to bend over to get it because the dress is so ultra-tight.] [Harrison comes out of the kitchen, carrying two glasses.] Harrison: So, I made these with vodka and whey protein, there was some kind of chemical reaction, but the soy protein is really great. [The doorbell rings. Dana walks to the edge of the balcony and shouts downstairs.] Dana: (yells) It's open! Lara: (offscreen) It's me! [Dana shoots Harrison a worried look.] Harrison: Uh-oh. [Harrison hands Dana a glass and quickly darts upstairs to the third floor, just as Lara comes upstairs to where Dana is. Lara is carrying a garment bag containing a couple of dresses.] Lara: Ah! God, you look great! Okay, I need help. I didn't know what you were wearing, and I didn't want to end up looking like twins, you know? That's like saying, "Wow, I'm so cute, I wanna go out with me." [Dana smiles uneasily. Harrison comes back down the stairs.] Harrison: Oh, hi! Lara: ... Hi. Harrison: I'm... going to freshen my drink. [Harrison goes back upstairs. Lara looks at Dana, embarrassed.] Lara: I can't believe I assumed I was going with you. (walks toward stairs) I feel so stupid. Dana: Lara, Lara, wait, wait, wait. Look. Look, Conrad was the one who called Harrison, okay? He just thinks that it's better for me not to... he just... he just wants me to be consistent, and Harrison's who I usually go with, and you know that I really wanna go with you - Lara: (dejected) Okay. I get it, believe me. [Lara walks back down the stairs.] Dana: Lara, I'm sorry! [Lara stops and looks up at her.] Dana: Look, I know I should've called. Lara: That would've been nice. [Lara leaves. Harrison comes back down the stairs to console Dana.] Harrison: You did the right thing. She's gotta understand, it's not personal, it's business. Out and proud does not sell cars. EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Several people sitting around at tables outside, enjoying the weather.] INT . - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Tim follows Jenny inside. Jenny looks as if she's been crying.] Jenny: Tim. We don't have to do this. [Tim doesn't respond. Jenny walks into the middle of the club. Marina sees her and comes over.] Jenny: (to Marina) I need to tell you something. [Marina looks around.] Marina: Um, let's go to my office. Tim: No. She can say what she needs to say right here. [Marina turns to look at Jenny. Jenny stares at her, unmoving.] Tim: (to Jenny) Tell her. Jenny: (to Marina) What happened between us was a terrible mistake. It is never gonna happen again. I will never see you, ever again. Do you understand that? [Marina looks down at Jenny. Tim steps up, getting in Marina's face.] Tim: (threatening) Did you hear what she said? Marina: (icy stare at Tim) Of course I did. [Marina and Tim stare at each other, fiercely.] Tim: Tell me when it started. [Jenny looks worried.] Marina: It didn't. You saw all there was to see. The beginning, and the end. [Tim glares at Marina.] Tim: (to Jenny) Let's go. [Tim walks off. Jenny doesn't move. Jenny and Marina stare at each other. Jenny's eyes fill with tears.] Tim: Jenny. Jenny: (to Tim) Yes. I'm coming. [Jenny looks at Marina, her expression filled with sadness, then walks away.] [SCENE_BREAK] ELSEWHERE AT THE PLANET - [Shane is playing pool alone. Clive walks up, carrying a huge duffle bag. While he talks, Shane continues to play pool.] Clive: So, this morning after you left, Harry asked me all about you and I told him you did Pink's faux hawk for her "Bitter Pill" video and he f*cking creamed! Shane: Yeah? Clive: Yeah, he says he wants to recommend you to all his friends! Shane: (sighs) That's fabulous. How much do I owe him? Clive: What? Ew, god, no, no, no, he just wants to hang out sometime! [Shane takes a shot.] Shane: Clive. I'm not hanging out with him. He thinks I'm a guy, I'm not into that. You should know that. Clive: Since when? [Shane takes a shot.] Shane: Since I found a real job. [Shane turns around and nearly runs into Clive. For the first time, she sees the huge duffle bag over his shoulder.] Shane: Hey! Good for you, you found a place. Clive: Yeah, I'm staying with Harry. Shane: Oh, f*ck. (a beat) f*ck, Clive, no you're not. Clive: What are you talking about? Shane: We made a promise to each other that we're out of that. Clive: (huffs) I'm not going back out on the streets, Shane, I'm going to a $30 million mansion in Bel Air! Shane: You are going to be the latest boy toy to a bunch of Hollywood fags who are going to pass you around and suck you dry. (takes a shot) They're vampires, man, and you should know that. [A moment of uneasy silence passes between them.] Clive: I don't exactly have a choice, do I? [Shane looks around for several seconds, thinking about it.] Shane: Allright. (walks to other side of pool table) Allright. One week. [Clive smiles huge.] Shane: One week and that's it. And if you mess up, if you f*ck around, you're out. [Clive runs over and envelops Shane in a hug.] Clive: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you! INT . - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Alice walks down the hall into the spare bedroom, where her mother is getting her bags together. A car horn honks outside.] Alice: Mom? Nelson's outside. Lenore: (sighs) (zipping bag) Why do I feel like I'm being banished? I said I was sorry. [Alice sits on the bed and helps pack.] Alice: You're not being banished, I just need my place back. I work here. [The car horn honks again.] Lenore: You see how your brother is? I feel like one of those fast girls in high school whose boyfriends can't even bother to come to the door. [Lenore kneels to get something from the floor.] Alice: I'm gonna help you. Just, you know, he's got the kids in the car. Lenore: (whining) Aw, Alice, please. Promise me. Alice: I'll remind them. Call you "Bunny" and not "Grandma." [The car horn honks again. Lenore sighs dramatically and zips up another bag.] Alice: Mom? You know how I had that talk with Shane? About what happened? Lenore: (standing) Yeah? Alice: She says she thinks you're wild. Lenore: (flattered) Really! (grabbing bags) Well. I hate to hurt her feelings, but I'm afraid it can't go any farther. (leaving room) You'll talk to her for me, won't you Alice? Alice: (grabbing bag) (smiling a little) Yeah. I'll talk to her. EXT. - HIGHWAY - NIGHT [Tim's car drives down the highway. The car passes a sign that says "TAHOE 23mi".] INT . - RESTAURANT - NIGHT [Bette, Tina and Melvin are being seated.] Bette: And then, daddy, MOCA had the show but I just wouldn't give up. You know what I did? I went to go see Peggy Peabody myself. (sitting) Melvin: Incredible. (chuckles) (sitting) What do I always tell you? You are my child. You can do anything you set your mind to! [The trio sits. Bette and Tina sit next to each other, and Melvin sits across from them. The waiter hands them their menus.] [Bette smiles at her dad.] Melvin: So. (to Tina) What do you think of my girl? Tina: (looks from Bette to Melvin) Oh... I think she's amazing. I think the show's gonna be incredible. [Bette smiles at Tina.] Melvin: (to Tina) And, uh, how is your career shaping up, Miss Kennard? Tina: I don't have much of one, at the moment. [She and Bette exchange glances.] Tina: I left the studio about seven months ago. Bette: Well, the thing is, daddy, Tina is doing something very special. Something for the both of us. [The waiter comes to the table.] Waiter: Hi, can I start anyone off with a drink this evening? Melvin: Bette? Bette: (to waiter) Um, I - I think we'll have a large bottle of Pellegrino. Melvin: A Manhattan, sir. Waiter: (nods) I'll get those right away, and I'll be back to take your order in a few minutes. Tina: Thank you. Bette: Um... [Bette and Tina are holding hands on the table. Melvin looks down at the display. Bette lets go of Tina's hand, smiles almost apologetically to Melvin.] Bette: Tina, would you like to tell him? [Tina looks nervously from Melvin, back to Bette.] Tina: (nervous chuckle) Um... okay! Uh, Melvin, Bette and I are having a baby. Bette: (smiling) Daddy, we're having a baby. Melvin: I don't understand. Tina: (happy) I'm pregnant. Melvin: And you're happy about that? Tina: Of course. Bette: Daddy! Melvin: I'm sorry. I'm not familiar with the proper response. [Bette and Tina aren't sure what to say to him, either.] Bette: Well, um... this is something that... we've been trying to do for a very long time. We want this very much. Melvin: I was unaware of that. Bette: (smiling) Well, how do you feel about it? Melvin: I'm not sure. This child - you're gonna be... taking care of it, and Miss Kennard? Bette: Dad, we're a couple. We are starting a family. Melvin: If that makes you happy. Bette: Well, doesn't it make you happy? I mean, you're going to have another grandchild. Melvin: That is biologically impossible. [Bette and Tina frown.] Melvin: Unless there's been a medical breakthrough that I don't know anything about, the possibility that this child... will be my grandchild... does not exist. [Bette looks crushed.] Melvin: Therefore, I am happy if that's what you want in your friendship with Miss Kennard. But, I cannot realistically be asked to participate in this fiction of your creation. [Bette looks at Tina. They both look unhappy.] [The waiter comes to the table and sets the drinks down.] Waiter: Can I tell you about tonight's specials? (pouring drinks) We have Chilean sea bass with wilted spinach, a risotto with prosciutto ham and shitake mushrooms. Tina: Could you give us just a minute, please? Waiter: Of course. [The waiter sets the bottle on the table and walks away.] Tina: (to Melvin) Bette and I have gone through so much to get here. We've talked about how our child could truly reflect who we are when we're so limited by biology. That's why we've decided to use an African-American donor. So when we look at our child, and you look at your grandchild, we'll all be looking into a familial face. Melvin: A black man is the father of this child? Bette: The donor, dad, he's an African-American artist. Melvin: An African-American. And because of that I'm supposed to feel closer to this child? [Bette and Tina look down. Bette folds her arms.] Melvin: (to Bette) Because all of us blacks are somehow connected? We can traced back to some tribe in Africa, where we were beating drums? That is absurd. You are an Ivy-League-educated woman. How is this logical? Bette: Dad. [Bette and Melvin exchange hurt looks. Tina seems distant. The waiter comes back to the table.] Waiter: Just to tell you the rest of our specials, we also have salt-crusted cod, and that comes with lovely raspberry-infused artichoke hearts and a light lemon vinaigrette. [Melvin looks from the waiter, to Tina, then to Bette. Bette looks despondent.] Waiter: Would anyone like to start? Tina: (getting up) I'm sorry. I don't feel so well. Bette: (getting up) Do you have to go to the bathroom? Tina: (to Bette) No. I think I'm just gonna go home. [Melvin stands.] Bette: Well, then, I'll - I'll take you. Tina: No. Stay. (to Melvin) It was really nice seeing you again, Melvin. Melvin: I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I'll have Bette back to you in no time. [Tina walks away. Bette helplessly watches her go. Melvin sits. The waiter comes back to the table.] Melvin: I am going to have... [Bette slowly takes her seat. She looks extremely sad.] Melvin: ... uh... the sea bass. [Bette sadly looks up at her father.] INT . - LOVE'S INN WEDDING CHAPEL - LOBBY - NIGHT [Tim and Jenny sit on a couch together in the lobby. Tim flips through a large, white Holy Bible sitting on the coffee table. Elevator music plays in the background.] [Tim flips through the Bible and finds the page he wants. He slowly runs his finger down the page. We see definitions for words beginning with the letter "H" - holy, Holy Spirit, homage, homosexuality. Beneath each definition are listed passages that reference the word. Tim's finger stops on "homosexuality". The definition is obscured, but the words "with a person of the same s*x" are seen. Tim reads.] [The sound of a door opening upstairs.] Woman: Yoohoo! (comes downstairs) Hey there lovebirds. [Tim and Jenny stand. The woman walks over to them.] Woman: Come this way. [They follow the woman into a small chapel area. Several chairs are set up for attendants; there are flowers and everywhere and the room is done in pink. An older man sits in the one of the chairs, snoozing.] Woman: Jerry, get up! (to Tim/Jenny) Now, you've both given this a lot of thought? Jenny: (looking around) (smiling) Uh, yes. Woman: You sure? Jenny: Uh-huh. [Tim nods.] Woman: Well, I didn't mean to scare you. Uh, you didn't run away or anything, did you? [The woman stands behind a podium on the stage. Tim and Jenny stand in front of the podium.] Jenny: No. Tim: No. Woman: You pregnant? Jenny: (shaking head) Mm-mm. Woman: In love? Jenny: (smiling) Yes. Woman: Good! I like to make sure. Now, this is my husband, Jerry. He will be your witness. [Jerry smiles and nods.] Jenny: Hey. (to woman) How long have you guys been married? Woman: Uh... what is it, 32 years? Jerry: (unexcited) In March. Woman: (to Tim/Jenny) See? It's good to be sure. Now, you will, uh, stand over here (pointing) and you will stand here (pointing). [Tim and Jenny exchange spots so that Tim is on Jenny's right.] Woman: And, remember, this is the beginning of the rest of your life, so why don't you both kiss? I think that's a good way to start out. [Tim and Jenny hesitate, then turn to one another. Jenny kisses him. He doesn't seem into it. Jenny smiles, purposefully oblivious.] Woman: Okay! Well, let's start. INT . - LOVE'S INN WEDDING CHAPEL - TIM & JENNY'S MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT [Jerry unlocks the door and turns on some lamps. The room is an average motel room, but this one's subtly lit with pink light. The muffled sound of highway traffic is heard from outside.] Jerry: Checkout's 12. If you want a decent breakfast, don't go across the street. You can, uh, drive up 90, one mile, you can go to Pancake House. It's on the left. [Jerry hands Tim a bottle of champagne.] Jerry: Have a good night. Tim: (smiling) Thank you. [Jenny looks around the room excitedly as Jerry leaves. Once Jerry is gone, Jenny runs to the bed and jumps on it a few times, before collapsing on it happily. Tim smiles at her and walks toward the bed.] Tim: Um... Jenny: A toast! Yes! Tim: (to Jenny, re: champagne) What do you think? Jenny: (standing on bed) Yes! Um, glasses. Tim: Oh, should I go get some? Jenny: (hops off bed) (happy) No, allow me, please. (giggles) [Jenny very happily bounces into the bathroom and retrieves a couple of plastic drinking cups. She skips back to Tim.] Jenny: (smiling) Okay. Tim: (taking wrapper off bottle) Allright, stand back for this one. Jenny: (whispers, joking) I am not afraid. [Tim wraps his hand around the top of the bottle and carefully pulls the cork out in his palm. He pours some champagne in the cups that Jenny holds out.] Jenny: Very smooth. [Tim grins as he pours.] Jenny: Okay. I propose a toast. [Tim sets the bottle down. Jenny hands him a cup.] Jenny: Okay. [Tim goes to drink the champagne.] Jenny: Uh! [Jenny waves at him to not drink yet.] Jenny: To... (hand over her heart) Mr. and Mrs. Haspel. [Jenny clinks her plastic cup to his.] Jenny: Aww. [Tim chuckles. Jenny winds her arm through his for the traditional newlywed drink. They drink a little.] Jenny: That minister, um, was pretty great, wasn't she? Tim: (a beat) Why? Because she's a woman? [Tim sits on the edge of the bed.] Jenny: No... [Jenny slides onto Tim's lap and wraps an arm around his shoulder. She runs her other hand across his chest, then under his t-shirt. Tim looks uncomfortable. Jenny kisses his cheek, then his chest.] Tim: Uh... could you just... uh... take a shower? [Jenny stops. Her smile fades.] Tim: (quietly) Please. [Jenny stares at him for a long time.] Jenny: (whispering) Yeah. [Jenny takes her arm from around his shoulder, slowly walks into the bathroom. She leans against the counter and stares at herself in the mirror. She turns around.] Jenny: (closing door) Excuse me. I'm sorry. [Tim sips his champagne.] INT . - LARA'S APARTMENT [A modest apartment with a lived-in look. Some shirts hang on pegs on the back of the front door, there's a bead curtain in the kitchen doorway, and the livingroom is decorated with retro furniture.] [A knock at the door. Lara goes to answer it. It's Dana, still in her getup from the evening. Dana has some seriously apologetic puppy dog eyes going. Lara sees her and looks sad.] Lara: Come in. [Dana steps inside and closes the door. They stand in the hallway. Lara has her arms crossed and looks down as Dana talks.] Lara: (folding arms) So, how was the party? Dana: I know you hate me right now. And I don't blame you. I should've called. I know. I always mess things up. [Dana hesitantly touches Lara's arm.] Dana: Did I mess everything up? I'm sorry. It's just that... you just - you make me so happy. (voice wavering) And that's not a very familiar feeling. You know? (steps closer) Can I please try again? [Dana brushes the hair from Lara's eyes. Lara finally looks up at her.] Dana: I really wanna try again. [Lara finally unfolds her arms. She puts her hands on Dana's waist.] Dana: (voice wavering) Can I? [Dana tries to kiss Lara, but Lara backs away a little.] Lara: One thing. Dana: Anything. [Dana takes Lara's hand and leads her into the livingroom.] Lara: You have to at least take some steps towards being out. [They sit on the couch, close, facing each other.]

Tim finally finds out about Jenny and Marina when he walks in on them. In a desperate attempt to hold on to him, Jenny tries making up with Tim; he tells her to prove her love by traveling to Lake Tahoe and marrying him immediately. Meanwhile, Dana is invited to a Subaru dinner party to sponsor her tennis career. She ends up hurting Lara when she takes Harrison, her (male) doubles tennis partner as a cover date. Bette and Tina have dinner with Bette's conservative father ( Ossie Davis ) where they announce Tina's pregnancy. Shane runs into an old friend, Clive, who is the personal assistant to Harry Sandchuk, a Hollywood bigwig who has come to see Shane's hairstyling work. Alice finally tells her irresponsible mother to move out of her apartment.

fd_Downton_Abbey_03x04

fd_Downton_Abbey_03x04_0

[OPENING CREDITS] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson sorts the post and hands it out.] Thomas Barrow: Well, she [?] Mrs Hughes: Oh, that's a shame. [Anna waits, but doesn't receive any letters.] Anna Bates: Nothing for me, Mr Carson? Mr Carson: No, Anna. Once again, I'm afraid there's nothing for you. [Carson and Mrs Hughes both look sad for Anna.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The prisoners walk around the catwalks. Bates steps up to the guard, but the guard looks at the post he has left and shakes his head. Bates pauses in disappointment. A second guard gets impatient and pulls him forward.] Turner: Come on. [Bates walks sadly back to his cell.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MARY AND MATTHEW'S BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna helps Mary finish dressing while Matthew sits on the bed already dressed.] Matthew Crawley: I've got enough on my plate without going into every detail. Lady Mary Crawley: You're co-owner of this estate. You have to get into the detail. Matthew: (exhale) Not to challenge Robert, surely? Mary: You won't have any reason to, but you have to pull your weight. That's all I'm saying. Matthew (to Anna): How is Bates? Anna: I've not seen him for a while, sir. Matthew: Oh? Why is that? Anna: I'm not quite sure, sir. They've stopped all his visitors. Matthew: Has he given you a reason? Anna: Well, he's not written in quite some time now. Matthew: And you don't know why? [the conversation is becoming increasingly difficult for Anna.] Anna: No, but I'm certain I will before too long. [Anna finishes tying Mary's shoes.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Someone knocks and Isobel enters. Mrs Hughes gets up from her writing desk with a pleasant tone of surprise.] Mrs Hughes: Mrs Crawley, how may I help? Isobel Crawley: I'm sorry to push in on you again, but I didn't have time to come down before dinner and now we're on our way home. Mrs Hughes: Oh. [Mrs Hughes nods. Isobel hesitates for a moment, then closes the door.] Isobel: Mrs Hughes, you know I went to see Ethel Parks. Mrs Hughes: I do, ma'am. Isobel: Well, she wouldn't speak to me then, but she has since sought me out and asked me to deliver this letter into your hands. [Isobel hands her the letter.] Mrs Hughes: When we last spoke of her, you seemed to think she'd...fallen into bad way. Isobel: I'm afraid that's the case. She's been working as a prostitute. [Mrs Hughes is taken aback. She begins to recover after a moment.] Mrs Hughes: My, my. That's not a word you hear in this house every day. Isobel: No. But I think it also serves to show the measure of her misery. Ethel has been driven into this, of that I have no doubt. If only she would allow me to help her. But she won't. If this letter can give you any clue as to how I might be helpful, please let me know. Mrs Hughes: I will, ma'am. [Isobel turns to the door.] Mrs Hughes: Your sentiments do you credit, but I suspect she will be too ashamed to face how far she's fallen. Isobel: Goodnight. Mrs Hughes: Goodnight, Mrs Crawley. Isobel: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew and Robert have drinks together. Carson brings them cigars.] Mr Carson: Sir, am I to answer to you both? Matthew: Of course not. What Lord Grantham means is that I have made an investment in the estate. That is all. Otherwise, nothing has changed. Mr Carson: Very good. And can we bring the staff back up to snuff? [Matthew takes in a breath, about to speak.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I believe we can. [Matthew regards Robert, dropping whatever he was about to say, but clearly not in agreement.] Mr Carson: Mrs Hughes is short of a housemaid, Mrs Patmore wants a kitchen maid, and I need a new footman. Matthew: Do you really? I sometimes feel the world is rather different than it was before the war. Mr Carson: I see. [Robert regards Matthew now.] Mr Carson: I would like to return to my duties as a butler, sir. But if you prefer that I continue to do the work of a second footman in addition- Robert: Mr Crawley does not mean that at all, do you? Matthew: Certainly not. Mr Carson: Well that is good news. Robert: I suppose it's too late to get into shape before the dinner for the archbishop of York, but it'll be the last time you'll have to fudge it. Mr Carson: I will do my best for the archbishop with an added spring in my step. [Carson exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert, Matthew, and Edith have breakfast together.] Matthew: Why don't you have breakfast in bed? Lady Edith Crawley: Because I'm not married. Matthew: Yes, but...now that Edith: Now that both of the others are, what difference would it make? Matthew: You know what I mean. Edith: I prefer to be up and about. [Robert reads the paper aloud.] Robert: Tennessee is going to ratify the nineteenth amendment. Matthew: Meaning? Robert: All American women will have the vote. Edith: Which is more than they do here. Robert: Well, they almost do. Edith: I don't have the vote. I'm not over thirty, and I'm not a householder. It's ridiculous. Matthew: You should write to the Times. Edith: Maybe I will. [Robert doesn't seem pleased by the suggestion.] Robert: Ask your mother if she needs any help with tonight's dinner. There's nothing so toffee nosed as a prince of the church, so make sure you put him next to your grandmother. She'll know how to handle him. [Edith rises from the table.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR/HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna descends the stairs and hangs up her apron, struggling to hold down her emotions. She enters the hall where the servants are dining.] Mr Carson: Oh, Anna, you'll be happy to hear that as soon as we take on a new housemaid, you'll be a lady's maid to Lady Mary at last. [Anna sits down at the table, still fidgety and distracted.] Anna: That's nice, Mr Carson. Thank you. Mrs Hughes: Thought you'd be more pleased. Anna: No, I am pleased, really. I'm... I've just got a lot on my mind. Sorry. Mr Carson: I've also advertised for a new footman. Sarah O'Brien: He'll be second footman, won't he? Mr Carson: As to that, I will make no pronouncements at this stage. Thomas: Try to find a man with something about him, Mr Carson. I don't like to feel the house isn't being properly represented. Alfred Nugent: Is that aimed at me? Thomas: If the cap fits, wear it. MR CARSON (to Mrs Hughes) You're very quiet. Mrs Hughes: You'll never guess what. [Mrs Hughes keeps her voice low.] Mrs Hughes: I've had a letter from Ethel. She wants to meet me, but she won't come here. Mr Carson: What for? And why not? Mrs Hughes: I think she'd be uncomfortable. Mr Carson: Why, particularly? Mrs Hughes: Never you mind. I think I'll ask Mrs Crawley if we can meet there. Heaven knows what Ethel wants of us this time. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NURSERY - DAY] Matthew: Cora said you were looking for me. Mary: Yes. I've stolen the nursery as a sitting room for us. And this is the paper. [Mary points out some materials she has laid out for redecorating.] Mary: Unless you hate it. Matthew: No. [Matthew looks at the paper and back at Mary, expectantly.] Matthew: Is that all? Mary: Why? What did you think it was? [Matthew rounds the table to approach Mary as she looks over the materials.] Matthew: Cora said you'd been to the doctor earlier. I wondered why. Mary: To find something for my hay fever. [Matthew nods.] Matthew: And what will we use for a day nursery...should the need arise? [Matthew leans in behind Mary with a playful smile on his face.] Mary: I think we can worry about that a little further down the line. [Matthew's smile fades and he nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWER HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Violet looks at a small bottle in her hands.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, thank you, my dear. That's very kind. How much do I owe you? Edith: A guinea. [Violet looks sharply at Edith in surprise.] Violet: A guinea? For a bottle of scent? Did he have a mask and a gun? [Edith exhales in an attempt to chuckle.] Violet: How are you? Edith: All right...I suppose. Violet: Yes, I worry about you. That sort of thing is so horrid. Edith: Being jilted at the altar? Yes, it is horrid. Multiplied by about ten thousand million. [Edith sits.] Violet: Oh. You must keep busy. Edith: What with? There's nothing to do at the house. Except when we entertain. Violet: Well, there must be something you can put your mind to. Edith: Like what? Gardening? Violet: Well, no, you can't be as desperate as that. [Edith sighs.] Edith: Then what? Violet: Edith, dear, you're a woman with a brain and reasonable ability. Stop whining and find something to do. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna puts sewing supplies in a small box. She sniffles. Mrs Hughes enters.] Mrs Hughes: I'm going out, Anna. I've told Mrs Patmore, and I think everything's under control for tonight, but... [Mrs Hughes sees Anna's expression.] Mrs Hughes: What's the matter? Anna: Nothing. [Mrs Hughes gives Anna a dubious look and waits.] Anna: Except...well, I ha- I haven't had a letter from Mr Bates in weeks. [Mrs Hughes nods in understanding.] Anna: I worry...I worry that he's being gallant and...trying to set me free. He wants me to make a new life without him. Mrs Hughes: I doubt it very much. Anna: Then why would he be silent like this? And stop me visiting? Mrs Hughes: Obviously, I don't know why, but I do know there'll be a good reason. Anna: Do you really think so? Mrs Hughes: I'd swear to it. [Anna nods with a relieved smile and Mrs Hughes puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, WORK ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The prisoners sew cloth sacks. Dent sits down across the table behind Bates and whispers to him.] Dent: They know you tricked 'em. John Bates: Who knows what? Dent: Mr Durrant's a dealer on the outside. [Bates keeps quiet while Durrant walks past.] Bates: What's that to do with me? Dent: He's working for your cellmate. All I know is that you punched Craig, so they set you up. But you hid the stuff they planted and turned the tables on them and now they're angry. Bates: And what can they do? Dent: Tell you what they can start by doing. [Dent surreptitiously moves to the bench across from Bates.] Dent: Durrant's reported you to the governor for violence. You're officially a dangerous prisoner. Bates: The governor won't fall for that. Dent: No? So when was the last time your wife came to visit, eh? How many letters you received lately? [Bates freezes and he smiles with a chuckle.] Bates: Thank God. What a relief. I thought she'd given up on me. [Dent shakes his head.] Dent: Don't thank God until you know what else they've got in store for you. Turner: Stop talking! [Dent moves away. Bates ponders Dent's words and smiles again.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY] Mr Carson: Go on, then. [Alfred points to the row of spoons laid out before him.] Alfred: Tea spoon, egg spoon...melon spoon, grapefruit spoon, jam spoon... [Alfred points his finger over the last spoon, thinking hard. Carson waits.] Mr Carson: Shall I tell you? [Thomas steps in watching.] Alfred: All right. [Carson picks up the spoon.] Mr Carson: A bullion spoon. Alfred: But I thought soup spoons were the same as table spoons. Mr Carson: Ah, so they are, but not for bullion, which is drunk from a smaller dish. Off you go, now. I must get on. [Thomas glares passively at Alfred as Alfred exits.] Thomas: You're taking a lot of trouble with young Alfred, Mr Carson. I feel quite jealous. Mr Carson: I don't know why. He asked for help. You never did. [Thomas quirks his head at the comment, then pulls his mouth in to a tight smile before leaving.] [SCENE_BREAK] [CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] Ethel Parks: It's very hard to begin. Mrs Hughes: Well, find a way, Ethel. We all have lives to lead. [Ethel takes a breath.] Ethel: Could you write to the Bryants? To say I want them to have Charlie? Mrs Hughes: We've already been down this path...to no avail. Ethel: I know. And I know I said a mother's love was worth more than all they had to give, but I said it for me. Not for him. Isobel: My dear, you mustn't do anything until you're absolutely sure. Ethel: Mrs Hughes said we all have lives to lead, but that isn't true. I've got no life. [Mrs Hughes purses her lips and swallows hard.] Ethel: I exist, but barely. Isobel: Ethel, we all know the route you've taken. Ethel: It's good of you to have me here. Isobel: All I mean is that I work with others like you to rebuild their lives. Can't we work together to find a way for you to keep your son? Ethel: With his grandparents, Charlie can build a life that is whatever he wishes it to be. With all respect, ma'am, you and I working together could never offer him that. [Mrs Hughes looks at Isobel and then to Ethel.] Mrs Hughes: You want me to write to them again. Isobel: But leave it vague. Say that Ethel would like them to keep in contact with their grandson. [Mrs Hughes nods.] Ethel (determined): I won't change my mind. Mrs Hughes: Nevertheless, that's what I'll do. Then there'll be no disappointment whatever comes. [Ethel nods.] Mrs Hughes: Now, if you'll forgive me, we've a big dinner tonight. Good day, ma'am. Ethel. [Mrs Hughes exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, FRONT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes walk to the front had with Mrs Bird.] Mrs Hughes: Ethel has had a very hard time of it since she left us, Mrs Bird. She's had great difficulty making ends meet. Mrs Bird: We know how she solved that problem. [Isobel and Ethel join them in the hallway and Mrs Bird opens the door for Mrs Hughes.] Mrs Bird: Give my regards to Mr Molesley. [Mrs Hughes exits.] Isobel: Till we meet again, my dear. [Ethel turns to the coat rack.] Ethel: I- I had a coat. Mrs Bird: It's there. [Mrs Bird waves at the coat rack, but doesn't move. Ethel begins stepping forward.] Isobel: You will help Miss Parks, please Mrs Bird. [Mrs Bird takes the coat off the rack and holds it out toward Ethel, not moving, so that Ethel has to step forward to take it. Ethel opens the door for herself and exits awkwardly with a small smile to Isobel. Isobel waits for Mrs Bird to close the door and turn around.] Isobel: Some manners wouldn't go amiss. [Isobel turns to leave.] Mrs Bird: I do not believe it is part of my duties to wait on the likes of her. I'm sorry, but that's what I feel. [Isobel stares as Mrs Bird exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Archbishop of York: I don't want to sound anti-Catholic. Robert: Why not? I am. Archbishop of York: (chuckle) Not in any real way, I'm sure. Robert: I don't want thumbscrews or the rack, but there always seems to be something of Johnny Foreigner about the Catholics. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [A policeman bicycles through the rain. A figure watches the policeman pass and then runs up the street.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRAIN STATION/DOWNTON FRONT HALL - EVENING] Sybil Branson (on telephone): I've no time to talk, but tell them I'm all right. I'm out of the flat. They haven't stopped me... [Sybil stops talking when she sees someone suspicious.] Edith (on telephone): Who hasn't stopped you? Sybil? Hello? [Sybil hangs up. Edith hangs up the phone, very confused.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. WOODS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The hiding figure dashes between trees in the dark, pouring rain.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith enters with hesitant footsteps.] Mary: What's the matter? Edith: I've just had the most peculiar conversation with Sybil. [Cora and Mary wait with curious concern.] Edith: She kept on about being out of the flat and nobody had stopped her and... Cora, Countess of Grantham: What do you mean, "No one had stopped her"? Stopped her from doing what? Edith: That's just it. I don't know. She suddenly put down the telephone. [Carson enters.] Mr Carson: Dinner is served, my lady. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Violet: Y-Tell me, Dr Lang, do you find that the war has driven the people back into the churches or further away than ever? [Someone pounds on the front door.] Archbishop of York: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Matthew: Someone sounds very angry. Cora: Or very wet. Mary: Or both. [Carson turns to Alfred. Alfred nods and leaves to answer the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FRONT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred opens the door to find Tom standing there soaking wet.] Alfred: Do you have any luggage, sir? Tom Branson: I barely have the clothes I stand in. [Tom walks in past Alfred. He takes off his hat and looks back as Alfred closes the door.] Tom: Where are they? Alfred: They're in the- [Mary appears.] Mary: Tom! What's happened? Where's Sybil? Tom: I had to get away and leave her to follow, but I made all the arrangements in case. She'll be on her way by now. Mary: By why are you here? And why must she follow you alone? [Tom hesitates and Mary becomes concerned.] Tom: I can explain. Mary: There's a dinner going on, but I'll go on and tell them that you're here. [Tom grabs Mary's arm to stop her.] Tom: No. Don't. [Mary looks down at her arm and back at Tom with real concern.] Tom: No one must know. I'll tell you it all when they're gone. [Matthew enters.] Matthew: What's the matter? [Matthew looks at Tom in surprise.] Matthew: Tom! Mary: Go upstairs and find some dry clothes of Matthew's. I'll come for you when the coast is clear. [Matthew leads Tom upstairs and Mary turns to Alfred.] Mary: Would you please ask Mrs Hughes to sort some food out for him? Alfred: Yes, milady. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Matthew return to dinner.] Mary: An idiotic man delivering a village pamphlet, can you imagine? In this weather and this time of night? [Robert chuckles, but Cora looks more suspicious. Mary leans over and whispers to Robert, surprising him with the truth.] Mary: It's Branson. He wouldn't come in. Robert: Why not? [Mary shakes her head.] Robert: Is Sybil with him? [Mary doesn't respond.] Robert: What's going on? Mary: She's not here, but apparently she's coming soon. He'll explain what's happened when our guest is gone. Violet: Something to look forward to. Robert: Other men have normal families with sons-in-law who farm or preach or serve their country in the army. Violet: Maybe they do, but no family is ever what it seems from the outside. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Daisy Mason: Do you think he's on the run from the police? Anna: Don't be so daft. Thomas: Well, he hadn't got the money for a taxicab from the station. Mrs Hughes: Maybe he fancied the walk. O'Brien: Yes, that's it. I should think he loves a night walk in the pouring rain without a coat. Daisy: What room is he in? Mr Carson: I'll take that, thank you, Daisy. [The servants stand and Carson takes the food tray from Daisy. Carson gives the gossipers a look over his shoulder before he exits.] Thomas: So, there'll be no more gossip on that subject tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom is on the spot, slouching miserably in his chair, as the family gathers to listen to his explanation.] Tom: They turned everyone out of the castle. Lord and Lady [?], their sons, and all the servants. And then they set fire to it. [The family is stunned.] Edith: What a tragedy. Violet: Well, (indistinct) yes and no. That house was hideous. But of course, that is no excuse. Robert: No, it is not. Matthew: But what was your involvement? Tom: Who says I was involved? Mary: Well, you seem to know a lot about it if you weren't. Cora: And why are you running away? And what was Sybil's part in all this? Tom: She's not involved. Not at all. But they think I was part of it. They think I was one of the instigators. Mary: So the police are looking for you? Tom: That's why I couldn't go home. I knew if they took me, I wouldn't get a fair hearing. Cora: You mean, you gave them Sybil while you saved yourself. Tom: I don't think they'll hold her, but if they do, then I'm prepared to go back and face the consequences. Robert: You damn well better be. Cora: You must see the home secretary. Robert: And tell him what? The police say he was there, he says he wasn't. Tom: I didn't say I wasn't there. [The family looks at Tom with wide eyes. Robert takes a couple steps forward.] Robert: Why were you? For the fun of seeing private property destroyed? Tom: Those places are different for me. I don't look at them and see charm and gracious living. I see something horrible. Violet: J-with [?] Castle, I rather agree. Robert: Mamma, you are not helping. Tom: But when I saw them turned out, standing there with their children...all of them in tears watching their home burn...I was sorry. I admit it. I don't want their type to govern Ireland, I want a free state, but...I was sorry. Edith: Never mind that. What's happened to Sybil? Tom: We agreed that I should leave at once, and that she'd close the flat and follow. But I got the last boat, so she won't be here before tomorrow. Robert: Good God Almighty! You abandoned a pregnant woman in a land that's not her own! [Tom begins crying with shame.] Robert: You leave her to shift for herself while you run for it?! Cora: You have to go to London, Robert. For Sybil's sake if not for his. You have to see Mr Short. [Robert is red-face with rage.] Robert: I don't have to do anything! Tom: I never meant for- Robert: Go to bed! [Robert turns away and lowers his voice to a calmer level.] Robert: I'll give you my answer in the morning. [Tom gets up shakily and leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom enters the room, walks to the bed, and cries as he sits down.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - NIGHT] Mr Molesley: Of course, she married beneath her. Mrs Patmore: And who are you, then? A Hapsburg archduke? O'Brien: What if he has to go to prison? What then? Mr Carson: That's quite enough of that, thank you Miss O'Brien. Bedtime, I think. [The servants rise from the table.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes finishes her tea as Carson knocks and enters with a sheet of paper.] Mr Carson: I'm going up. Mrs Hughes: Good night. Mr Carson: I'll try to keep them quiet, but to be honest, I knew it would happen. I knew he would bring shame on this house. It sounds as if he's on the run from the police, and for all we know, Lady Sybil is languishing in a dungeon somewhere in Dublin. Mrs Hughes: (sigh) Let's wait. And see what the morning brings. [Mrs Hughes picks up a metal contraption with a cord.] Mr Carson: What in God's name is it? Mrs Hughes: An electric toaster. I've given it to myself as a treat. If it's any good, I'm going to suggest getting one for the upstairs breakfasts. Mr Carson: Is it not enough that we're sheltering a dangerous revolutionary, Mrs Hughes? Could you not have spared me that? [Mrs Hughes looks at her toaster, not understanding his objection. Carson leaves and she inspects the toaster mechanics.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR/HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A stranger walks down the corridor and knocks on the open door. The maids look up and stare at the handsome stranger.] Jimmy Kent: Hello. [One of the maids gasps in excitement.] Anna: Can we help you? Jimmy Kent: I'm here to see Mr Carson. [Thomas enters, sees the handsome man, and looks at gawking women.] Thomas: Who's this? Jimmy Kent: Jimmy Kent, at your service. [Thomas smiles at Jimmy.] Thomas: I'm Mr Barrow, His Lordship's valet. Jimmy Kent: And I am hoping to be His Lordship's footman. [Alfred shifts in his chair.] Jimmy Kent: Which is why I'm looking for Mr Carson. [Thomas looks over the handsome possible addition, and Mrs Hughes enters.] Mrs Hughes: What's the matter? Have you all been turned into pillars of salt? [Mrs Hughes catches sight of the handsome newcomer.] Mrs Hughes: May I help? Jimmy Kent: I've come for the interview. Mrs Hughes: I see. Well, if you'll, er, wait there. [Mrs Hughes turns to look at the staring maids and exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The family is gathered. Robert speaks just under a shout.] Robert: I want to make it quite clear that whatever I do, I am doing it for Sybil, and not for you. I find your actions despicable, whatever your beliefs. You speak of Ireland's suffering and I do not contradict you, but Ireland cannot prosper until this savagery is put away. Mary: That's all very well, Papa, but you must keep Tom out of prison. [Robert exhales unhappily.] Robert: I'll go to London today. I'll telephone Murray and ask him to arrange an interview. I won't come home until I've seen Short. Cora: Thank you. I know it's right. Robert: It's right for him. Cora: And for Sybil, and for this family. Robert: I suppose so. Let me know if Sybil gets in touch. Tom: She won't. She won't want to give them anything to trace her by. Robert: What a harsh world you live in. Tom: We all live in a harsh world. But at least I know I do. [Robert draws his gaze up thoughtfully at these words and then exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson looks over Jimmy Kent's reference.] Mr Carson: I see you've been working for the Dowager Lady Anstruther. Jimmy Kent: Yes. But she's closed up the house and gone to live in France. She begged me to go with her, but I didn't fancy it. I didn't think I'd like the food. Mr Carson: I see. She begged you, did she? [Jimmy can see his comment didn't go over so well.] Jimmy Kent: You what women can be like. Mr Carson: Not, I suspect, as well as you. [Jimmy seems nervous at the cool manner.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Ethel walks her little boy up to the house, she stops just outside the gate.] Ethel: Hey, Charlie, let's put your hat in. Make you look nice and smart. [Ethel puts his hat on.] Ethel: Be a good boy for Mummy, yeah? [She wipes a smudge from his face and kisses his little hand.] Ethel: Come on. [Ethel takes his hand and they walk to the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The Bryants sit with Ethel, Isobel, and Mrs Hughes. Charlie sits on Ethel's lap.] Mrs Bryant: Thank you for letting us come. Mr Bryant: And why have we come? To hear more guff about a mother's love? Isobel: Mr Bryant, that's not fair. Mr Bryant: Isn't it? We know what you are now, Ethel. We know how far you've fallen. I didn't want to let Mrs Bryant in the same room as you, but she insisted. Mrs Bryant: What Mr Bryant means- Ethel: How could you know about me? Mr Bryant: Do you think it's so difficult to find out about a woman like you? Ha. I could give you a list of your clients. [This does not sit well with Isobel or Mrs Hughes.] Ethel: You mean, you've had me followed? Mr Bryant: What? Didn't you think we'd keep a check on our grandson? Mrs Bryant: We're not judging you. Mr Bryant: I'm judging her. I judge her and I find her wanting. Mrs Bryant: Ethel, we've decided to offer you some money, to make things easier so that you won't have to... Mr Bryant: Unless you don't want to give it up. [Mrs Bryant looks at her husband's distasteful comment.] Isobel: Well, that's very generous, isn't it, Ethel? [Ethel looks down at Charlie and kisses his forehead.] Isobel: It throws a different light on things. [Ethel glares up at Mr Bryant. Isobel hears trays rattling outside the room.] Isobel: Oh, there's Mrs Bird with the tea. [Isobel gets up.] Isobel: Would you like to help me, Ethel? [Ethel stands up, putting Charlie on his feet, and Mr Bryant crouches in front of him with a teddy bear.] Mr Bryant: Charlie, look what I've got for you. Charlie: A teddy. [Mrs Bryant laughs happily.] Mr Bryant: That's right. [Ethel looks at Charlie sadly as she exits with Isobel.] Mr Bryant: Isn't it nice [?] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Ethel and Isobel step into the hall just as Mrs Bird is approaching with a tea tray.] Mrs Bird: Should I not take it in, then? Ethel: I can do that. [Ethel reaches for the tray, but Mrs Bird pulls it out of her reach.] Mrs Bird: Sure I don't need your help. [Ethel pauses awkwardly.] Isobel: Thank you, Mrs Bird. [Mrs Bird puts the tray down on a nearby table and exits with a backward look at Ethel. Ethel picks up the tray.] Isobel: Ethel... you don't have to do this. You have a choice. Ethel: You mean I should take money from that man? It won't be much. Enough to keep us from starving, but not much more. Isobel: But even if Charlie doesn't go to a famous school or university, you'll be there to give him love. [Ethel stares into space.] Ethel: Yeah, I suppose Mr Crawley went to a famous school and university. [Ethel looks Isobel in the eye and Isobel can't refute it. Ethel nods.] Ethel: I see. Thank you, Mrs Crawley. [Charlie and Mr Bryant laugh in the room. Isobel enters the room.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, CAFETERIA - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates sits down next to Dent.] Dent: When do you want it to happen? Bates: Tomorrow night. Dent: Not Mr Durrant? Bates: No. Any other warden but him. Tell Turner about it; he's straight. But don't tell until the afternoon. [Dent nods.] Bates: Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? Dent: I can't stand Craig. [Bates looks down the table at Craig.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Ethel serves Mrs Bryant tea.] Mrs Bryant: You do that very neatly, my dear. Ethel: I was trained [?] by Mrs Hughes. Mr Bryant: She was a good worker, even though things haven't gone so well lately. [Ethel and Isobel continue to serve the tea.] Mrs Bryant: I hope that you can accept our offer, Ethel, and that we can be friends, because we both wish you well, don't we, dear? [Mrs Bryant turns to her husband who is sitting with Charlie on his lap.] Mr Bryant: I don't wish you ill, I'll say that. Ethel: I can't accept your offer. [Mr Bryant is surprised. Ethel puts down the tea tray and faces him.] Ethel: And we won't be friends. Mrs Bryant: What? Not even for Charlie's sake? Ethel: I think you love my son, Mr Bryant. I don't think you're a nice man, or a kind one, but I believe you love my boy. [Mrs Hughes looks away.] Ethel: So you'll be pleased by what I've come here to say. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary enters to find Matthew looking over papers at the desk.] Mary: Any news while I was out? [Mary rings the bell.] Matthew: No. Perhaps the home secretary won't see him. Mary: Papa will pull some strings until he does. [Mary approaches the desk and sees the papers.] Mary: A-ha, you started on the Aegean task. How are you getting on? Matthew: Badly. I'm beginning to get a sense of how it all works. Mary: In a way, it's probably best you tackle it by yourself. [Matthew smiles with a chuckle and Mary walks away from the desk. Carson enters.] Mary: Ah, Carson. May we please have some tea? Mr Carson: Of course, my lady. [Carson begins to leave.] Mary: Anna said you're interviewing footmen today. Mr Carson: That is correct. Mary: Have you chosen the lucky winner? Mr Carson: Not yet. There were two candidates when it came down to it. One was steady, but not much else, but the ladies downstairs want the other one. [Mary nods with an understanding "oh" expression.] Matthew: Why is that? Mr Carson: I don't know precisely, unless it's because he's more handsome. [Mary smiles.] Mary: Of course it's because he's more handsome. Oh, do pick him, Carson, and cheer us all up a bit. Alfred's nice, but he does look like a puppy who's been rescued from a puddle. [Matthew chuckles.] Mr Carson: Well, this new one seems very sure of himself. Matthew: You can manage that, can't you? Mr Carson: I suppose I could, sir. Mary: Well, it's settled, then. Tell the maids they can buy their valentines. Mr Carson: So be it, my lady. [Carson walks toward the door.] Mr Carson: But Alfred is very good, you know. He's very willing, even if he is Miss O'Brien's nephew. [Carson exits and Mary and Matthew both laugh quietly.] Matthew: Clearly nothing worse could be said of any man. [Mary laughs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Isobel, Mrs Hughes, and Ethel follow to the Bryants' waiting car, Mr and Mrs Bryant each hold one of Charlie's hands. Mrs Bryant turns to Ethel.] Mrs Bryant: You'll want to say goodbye. [Ethel looks at Charlie and crouches down and gives him his new teddy bear. Ethel smiles at Charlie and kisses his hand.] Ethel: I give you my blessings for your whole life long, my darling boy. Charlie: Yes. Ethel: You won't remember that or me. [Charlie reaches out to Ethel.] Ethel: But I'll stay with you all the same. [Ethel kisses Charlie's cheek. Isobel and Mrs Hughes exchange a sad and disapproving look. Ethel embraces Charlie. The Bryants look at each other and Mr Bryant steps forward to collect Charlie.] Mr Bryant: Let's not make a meal of it. [Mr Bryant pulls Charlie away.] Charlie: Mummy. Mr Bryant: Come on. [Mr Bryant picks up Charlie and carries him to the car. Ethel watches them go, beginning to cry. Mrs Bryant steps up to Ethel.] Mrs Bryant: I'll write to you. Ethel: I'll never see my son again. [Ethel gasps in tears.] Mrs Bryant: Never is a long time, Ethel. But you were right, he does love Charlie. And not just for his father's sake. Now, I must be going. Say goodbye. [Mrs Bryant steps back and nods to Mrs Hughes and Isobel. Ethel watches Charlie through the car window as Mrs Bryant walks back to the car. She begins to cry again when Charlie waves to her. The car starts off and Ethel takes a few steps toward it, then stops and puts her hands to her face as she watches the car drive away. Ethel cried bitterly and Mrs Hughes steps up behind her.] Mrs Hughes: You've done a hard thing today, Ethel. The hardest thing of all. Ethel: You don't agree, do you? [Ethel turns to Isobel.] Isobel: I don't want to make you doubt now that it's happened. [Ethel turns back to where she last saw the car.] Mrs Hughes: You've done the right thing for the boy, Ethel, whatever Mrs Crawley may say, begging your pardon, ma'am. Isobel: Perhaps you're right. Mrs Hughes: I am, until we live in a very different world from this one. Ethel: Well, then. I should be away. [Ethel walks down the road, pulling her coat in around her. Isobel and Mrs Hughes watch her go.] Mrs Hughes: What chance is there for a woman like her? She's taken the road to ruin. There's no way back. [Mrs Hughes takes a breath and nods to Isobel before leaving. Isobel stares at Ethel's retreating figure.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, BATES'S CELL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The guards enter.] Turner: Stand up! Against the wall, the pair of you. [The other guards push Craig and Bates against the wall.] Craig: What you looking for? Turner: Just keep quiet. [The guards search the beds. Durrant enters and looks at Craig with concern. One of the guards finds something in Craig's mattress.] Guard: Mr Turner. Turner: Well, well. A very mysterious package, I don't think. [Durrant looks at Bates.] Turner: Craig, what d'you call this? Craig: I don't know. I've done nothing. [Turner looks at Bates, then back at Craig.] Turner: You better come with us, Craig. [Turner nods to the other guards and exits. Craig looks at Bates.] Craig: You'll be sorry. [The guards escort Craig out of the cell. Bates thinks over the situation and exhales.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR/INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A motorcar drives to Downton Abbey. Sybil enters the hall alone. Tom jogs in, out of breath.] Tom: Oh, thank God. [Tom and Sybil walk straight into each other's arms and hold tight. They pull back just enough to kiss. Tom strokes her cheek with tears in his eyes.] Tom: I'm so sorry. SYBIL (whisper) Shh. It's all right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom and Sybil sit holding each other's hands while the ladies of the family stand in the room. Anna leaves.] Sybil: They didn't try to stop me, but it doesn't mean they won't come after us. Unless Papa can persuade them otherwise. Cora: Tom... [Cora sits on the bed.] Cora: How could you have left her all alone to fend for herself? [Sybil shakes her head.] Sybil: It wasn't like that. We thought this might happen and we decided what to do. The question is, what now? Cora: You mustn't travel anymore, not before the baby's born. [Tom and Sybil look at each other for a moment.] Sybil: But Tom wants it to be born in Dublin. [Mary stares at Sybil in disbelief.] Mary: He won't hold you to that now. Tom: Well, won't this be the first place that they look? Mary: How could you be part of it? The [?]s are like us. [Tom looks away and stands up.] Mary: She came out with me. She was Laura [?] then. How could you dance 'round her burning house, Tom? It's horrible. Sybil: He didn't dance. And he isn't dancing now. [Someone knocks.] Sybil: Come in. [Carson enters with a tiny silver tray.] Mr Carson: Telegram for you, my lady. [Cora takes it and Sybil stands in anticipation. Cora reads it quickly to herself.] Cora: Your father's coming home. He's seen Mr Short. Sybil: And what happened? Cora: He doesn't say, only that neither of you is to leave Downton. [Sybil and Tom look at one another and hold hands.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas enters with a couple suitcases.] Mr Molesley: You're back. Thomas: I am. Anything happen here? Mr Molesley: There's a new footman; came today. How was London? Thomas: I had fun, as a matter of fact. Mr Molesley: Has the [?] been saved? Thomas: That's not for me to say, is it Mr Molesley? I better take these upstairs. [SCENE_BREAK] [SERVANTS' BEDROOM CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas passes the new footman's room as he walks down the hall. He stops and looks back in the room where Jimmy is changing clothes.] Thomas: You got the job then? Jimmy Kent: I'm on my way, Mr Barrow. They say you were a footman once. [Thomas smiles.] Thomas: That's right. Jimmy Kent: So can I come to you if there's anything I need to know? Thomas: Certainly. Why not? [Thomas nods with a smile and continues down the hall as Jimmy finishes dressing. O'Brien walks by and looks in at the half-dressed man, then down the hall at Thomas.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The family gathers. Tom stands by Sybil's seat on the couch.] Tom: I can never go back to Ireland? That's impossible! Robert: If you do, you'll be put in prison. It's the best I could manage. Cora: Surely they need proof to ban a man from his own country. Robert: They have more proof than Tom will concede. Sybil: Is that fair? [Sybil takes Tom's hand.] Sybil: He's admitted to being there. He told you so himself. Robert: But he did not tell me that he attended Dublin meetings where the attacks on the Anglo-Irish were planned. [Matthew, Mary, and Sybil look at Tom in surprise. Sybil pulls her hand away from Tom's, looking betrayed and disappointed.] Tom: I was always against any personal violence. I swear it. Violet: Oh, so at least we can sleep in our beds. Robert: Maybe, but you were not against the violent destruction of property. Tom: I've told you, the sight of it was worse than I expected. Matthew: So, what was the deal you managed to extract from the home secretary? Robert: They don't want to make a martyr of him. And with Sybil, they think they could have another Maud Gonne on their hands, or Lady Gregory, or worse if they're not careful. Violet: Lady Gregory, Countess Markievicz...why are the Irish rebels so well born? Robert: Whatever the reason, I don't want Lady Sybil Branson to join their ranks. Mercifully, nor do the Irish authorities. If Tom can stay away, they'll leave him alone. Tom: I can't be kept away from Ireland. Robert: You'll be arrested the moment you touch dry land. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] Mrs Patmore: Now then, do what Mr Carson tells you. Jimmy Kent: I know what I'm about. Daisy: Are you all right, Alfred? Alfred: Yes. But shouldn't I be carrying the pork and Jimmy the veg? I am first footman. Mrs Patmore: Never mind that. Up you go. Daisy: I think Alfred's right. Isn't he first footman, like he says. Mrs Patmore: That's for Mr Carson to decide. [Jimmy carries off the pork with a smile.] Mrs Patmore: By heck, it's nice to think we're running at full strength again. Daisy: Really? I'm running at full strength and always have been with no one to help me neither. Mrs Patmore: All in good time, Daisy. All in good time. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Violet: What do you mean you wrote to a newspaper? No lady writes to a newspaper. Edith: What about Lady Sarah Wilson? She's the daughter of a duke and she worked as a war journalist. Violet: Well, she's a Churchill. The Churchills are different. Mary: Have we no Churchill blood? Cora: I think Granny's right. Violet: Can somebody write that down? Cora: It's good to have strong views, but notoriety is never helpful. Edith: Well, I've sent it now. Robert: It won't be published. Edith: Thank you for the vote of confidence, Papa. Cora: This is our new footman, Mamma. What should we call you? Jimmy Kent: Jimmy. Mr Carson: James, Your Ladyship. [Carson steps forward and clears his throat.] Mr Carson: This is James. Robert: Welcome to Downton, James. James: Thank you, milord. [James stands there stiffly and looks sideways at Carson before exiting.] Mary: Well done, Carson. That must've cheered up the maids. Violet: He looks like a footman in a musical review. Edith: Poor Alfred. We mustn't allow him to be completely overshadowed. Mr Carson: Quite right, my lady. Hard work and diligence weigh more than beauty in the real world. [Carson steps away.] Violet: If only that were true. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [James, Alfred, and Carson descend the stairs.] James: I've never been James in my life. I was Jimmy to Lady Anstruther. [James stops and turns around when Carson speaks.] Mr Carson: I don't care if you were Father Christmas to Lady Anstruther. You're James now, and you will stay James while you're at Downton. [James nods obediently and turns around unhappily.] James: He thinks he's the Big Cheese and no mistake. Alfred: That's 'cause he is the Big Cheese. [O'Brien and Thomas watch James and Alfred enter the kitchens for the next course.] O'Brien: He's nice, that new bloke, isn't he? Thomas: Why do you say that? O'Brien: Oh, only an impression, that's all. [O'Brien leaves. Thomas looks at her, then back at James, considering her comment.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert, Tom, and Matthew have drinks after dinner.] Tom: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed. [Tom stands.] Can you tell the others? Robert: Tomorrow we'll make some plans. Tom: I don't know how. [Tom walks toward the door.] Matthew: You've lived out of Ireland before, surely you can again? Tom: But Ireland's coming of age now and I need to be part of that. [Robert sighs in slight annoyance.] Tom: But I know what you've done for me. [Tom and Robert regard one another earnestly.] Tom: I know you kept me free...and I am grateful. Truly. [Tom exits.] Matthew: Poor chap. I'm sure he is grateful. Robert: No, he's not. He says it to keep the peace with Sybil. But then, I only rescued him for Sybil's sake, so I suppose we're even. [Robert takes a sip and Matthew smokes his cigar.] Robert: Did you get a chance to look through the books they brought in? Matthew: As a matter of fact, I did. Robert: Could you make head or tail of them? Matthew: I think so, yes. I was waiting for a...good moment to discuss them. Robert: Oh? Matthew: Yes, there was some...aspects of the way things have been done that I wasn't quite sure about. Robert: You sound like Murray. [Matthew looks worried by Robert's carefree attitude.] Matthew: Do I? Robert: He's always banging on about how we should overhaul this or overhaul that. Nothing's ever right for him. Matthew: Well, I...[?] Robert: Come on, we should let them get in here. We can talk about it another time, if you really want to. [Robert leaves and Matthew thinks over the situation uncomfortably.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, BATES'S CELL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates is reading when Turner opens the door. Turner tosses a tied stack of letters onto the desk.] Turner: These came for you, Bates. [Bates looks at the letters.] Bates: When? When did they come? Turner: They came when you were out of favour. Now you're in favour again. [Bates rushes to untie the stack. He looks at Turner.] Bates: Why? What have I done? [Turner pauses to think before answering.] Turner: Just watch out for Mr Durrant. You're not a favourite with him. [Turner exits and Bates flips through the letters. Bates chuckles with relieved happiness and opens a letter.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL/MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson looks around and sniffs the air. He sees smoke coming from another room.] Mr Carson: Oh...my... [Carson rushes down the corridor, grabbing a fire pail. He takes off the cover and rushes into Mrs Hughes's sitting room, stopping abruptly when he finds Mrs Hughes sitting there.] MRS HUGHES (chuckling) Oh! Are you going to tip that over me? I was just making myself some toast. You have to set the number on the dial, and I had it up to high. But I've got the hang of it now. [Mrs Hughes takes some lightly toasted bread out of the toaster.] Mrs Hughes: Would you like a piece? Mr Carson: I was worried that Mr Branson might take it into his head to burn the house down, but I didn't think that you would. Mrs Hughes: No? I should never take anything for granted, Mr Carson. [Another servant rushes in with a fire pail.] Mr Carson: No, no, no, no, not now. [Mrs Hughes chuckles and Mr Carson exits with a sigh.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Sybil sits in bed with a cross look on her face.] Sybil: You never told me you went to those meetings. Tom: I never told you I didn't. Sybil: And what else haven't you told me? Tom: I all I know is, I can't stay here. Not for long. Sybil: You must. And so must I. And you must let the baby be born here. Tom: You're very free with your musts. Sybil: But I will not be free with our child's chances. [Tom gets into bed.] Sybil: We need peace and safety. [Sybil puts her hand over Tom's.] Sybil: Downton can offer us both. [Tom kisses Sybil's cheek, but she still looks sad when he pulls away.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert reads the paper as he, Matthew, Edith, and Tom sit down to breakfast.] Robert: God in heaven! "Earl's daughter speaks out for women's rights." [Robert lowers the paper to look at Edith.] Edith: What? Robert: "In a letter to this newspaper today, Lady Edith Crawley, daughter of the earl of Grantham..." [Edith looks excitedly at Matthew, who begins to grin.] Robert: "Condemns the limitations of the women's suffrage bill, and denounces the government's aims to return women to their pre-war existence." [Edith smiles.] Edith: You said they wouldn't print it. Matthew: Well done. That's most impressive. Robert: Don't say you support her. Matthew: Of course I support her. And so do you, really...when you've...had a chance to think about it. Tom: So I should hope, anyway. [Tom grins at Edith.] Mr Carson: Ugh. Robert: What do you think, Carson? Mr Carson: I would rather not say, my lord. [Matthew smirks and looks at Edith. Edith smiles happily down at her plate.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna climbs the stairs. Mrs Hughes stops at the bottom of the steps.] Mrs Hughes: Anna? Anna: Yes? Mrs Hughes: There's quite a package of letters arrived for you earlier. [Anna walks quickly back down and flips through the letters.] Mrs Hughes: Are they all from Mr Bates? [Anna nods and smiles with tears in her eyes.] Anna: It looks like it. Mrs Hughes: Why so many at once? Anna: (sigh) Oh, I neither know, nor care, just so long as I've got them. [Anna rushes up the steps happily with the letters clutched in her hand.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy looks through the cupboard. Alfred enters and clasps his hands behind his back.] Alfred: Thanks for sticking up for me last night. Daisy: It won't make any difference. Alfred: Well, no, but it's good to know you're on my side. [Daisy thinks for a moment and gathers her courage and turns around.] Daisy: I am on your side, Alfred. In fact... [Daisy steps down from her stool.] Daisy: There's something I've been wanting to say. Alfred: You've got my attention. [Daisy smiles.] Daisy: Well- Mrs Patmore: Ah, here you are, Daisy. [Mrs Patmore enters with another girl.] Mrs Patmore: I'd like to introduce Miss Ivy Stuart, the new kitchen maid. [Alfred smiles down at the pretty maid.] Mrs Patmore: And this is Daisy, my assistant cook. [Mrs Patmore says the title with a proud flare. Daisy just stares and Mrs Patmore's smile drops in confusion.] Alfred: My, but aren't you a sight for sore eyes, Miss Stuart. [Daisy looks up at Alfred.] Mrs Patmore: That's enough of that. Alfred's a footman, so you'll know enough not to listen to a word he says. Shoo. [Mrs Patmore waves him away. Alfred steps forward and leans down toward Ivy.] Alfred: Tell me if you need any help. [Daisy stares at them. Alfred begins to leave, then turns around.] Alfred: Sorry, Daisy, what were you saying? Daisy: Nothing. Don't matter now. [Alfred leaves and Ivy steps up to Daisy with a smile.] IVY STUART I hope we're going to get on. [Daisy pouts.] Daisy: We don't have to get on. We have to work together. [Daisy turns back to her cupboard.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew visits Violet. He voice is anxious.] Matthew: A situation has arisen, and...I'm not quite sure which way to turn. Violet: Well, obviously, if you've turned to me. Matthew: Robert won't discuss the matter. And Mary is affronted by the very mention of it. But given that I've sunk my own fortune, alongside everyone else's, into... Violet: Into-into Downton. Matthew: I feel a duty, apart from anything else, to do what I can. Violet: About? Matthew: Downton is being mismanaged, Cousin Violet, and something must be done. The thing is, how do I do it without putting people's noses out of joint? Violet: Oh, my dear. Oh, I doubt there is a way to achieve that. I mean, you must do what needs to be done, of course, but...oh, I think I can safely say a great many noses will be out of joint. [Matthew nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, BATES'S CELL/HOUSEMAIDS' BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates sits on the bed reading his post with a big smile. Anna curls up in bed with a letter, crying with happiness. They both read into the night, delighting in the letters from each other.]

Branson's political views land him in trouble and Sybil's loyalty is tested to the limit, while Ethel makes a difficult decision about her son's future. Anna wonders what is causing Bates' silence, and Carson begins recruiting a footman, with promising candidate Jimmy (Ed Speleers, Eragon) sparking immediate interest below stairs.

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[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe walks up to and knocks on Chandler and Monica's door.] Monica: (opens the door wearing a robe, but leaves the chain on) Hey, what's up? Phoebe: Well, I left my guitar here again. Monica: Oh, okay. No problem. Phoebe: Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.) Monica: Okay. Phoebe: Oh. Monica: Here you go. Phoebe: Okay. Monica: Okay. Phoebe: Great! Umm...(Monica closes the door again and Phoebe knocks again.) Monica: What?! Phoebe: So do you want to hang out or something? Monica: Phoebe! You kinda caught me at a bad time. Phoebe: Oh are you and Chandler... Monica: Yes! Exactly. Phoebe: Okay. Do you guys want me to play for you? Monica: (laughs) No. (Closes the door as Chandler walks up.) Chandler: Hey Pheebs, what's up? Phoebe: You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing. (Chandler lets her into the apartment and reveals that Monica is getting a massage from another woman.) Phoebe: Oh my God! You're getting a massage! You never let me massage you!! Monica: Phoebe, I can explain! Phoebe: You told me you hate massages! Chandler: Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning...Don't let Phoebe in. Phoebe: I can't believe this! How long as this been going on? Monica: Well umm, Alexandra has been... Phoebe: Oh, it has a name? Monica: Phoebe, don't get upset! Phoebe: Okay-Oop! Too late! I'm leaving! Come on Chandler let's go! (She storms out.) Chandler: Well, Phoebe I thought I'd-(Off Phoebe's look)-Yeah, what the hell. (Exits with Phoebe.) Opening Credits [Scene: Joey's Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.] Joey: Oh okay, okay! One more push! One more push! Come on honey, we're almost there! We're almost there! Rachel: Oh Joey, I'm so happy things worked out for us that we're having this baby together. I love you so much. Joey: Oh, I love you too. Rachel: And I hope it's not an inappropriate time to say this but, you're the best s*x I ever had. Joey: That's always appropriate! (Back to the matter at hand) Oh, okay. One more push! One more push! (Finally, the baby is delivered and starts crying.) Doctor: Oh, here is your beautiful baby. Congratulations! (She hands the baby to Joey who pulls down the blanket to reveal Ross's face where the baby's should be.) Ross: (crying) I hope you're a better father than you're a friend!! (Cries again and Joey wakes up in horror.) Rachel: (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey! Joey: What? What's going on? Rachel: Come feel this! Come feel my belly! Joey: Aaaah... Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?! Joey: Really?! Rachel: Yes! (Joey starts to get up but stops.) Joey: Oh, y'know what? Maybe uh, you...you should come to me. I'm a not, I'm not wearing any bottoms. Rachel: Oh, okay! (She goes over to him and he feels her belly.) Joey: Oh my, oh my God! Rachel: Aw, it's unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, she's like umm...oh...who's that kind of annoying girl soccer player? Joey: Mia Hamm? Rachel: Mia Hamm! Joey: Oh that's amazing. (Drops the sheet.) Rachel: (looking down) Oh-oh!! One hand on the sheet Joe! Joey: Whoa-hey-oh! Sorry! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has opened another wedding present as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey babe. Monica: Hi honey. We just got a wedding gift from Bob and Faye Bing; they don't like us do they? (They gave them a pok-a-dotted punch bowl.) Chandler: Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back? Monica: No, it doesn't say where it came from. Where would we return it? Chandler: How about to the street say from the balcony? Monica: Why don't we just find a place for it? Chandler: Okay. How about in that cabinet? Monica: No! That's where we keep the canned goods! Have you completely forgotten everything you learned at orientation? Chandler: How about the closet by the bathroom? (The secret green door by the bathroom.) Monica: Oh, okay. Here, why don't you let me do it? Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) It's locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked? Monica: No reason. I-I keep private things in there. Chandler: Oh y'know, I've been living here a while and I've never seen what's inside that closet. What is, what is in there? Monica: Feminine stuff. Chandler: Don't try to make me uncomfortable with feminine stuff! Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-you'll let it go. Chandler: Fine. Monica: Thank you! (He tries the door again and Monica glares at him.) Chandler: (walking casually away) Love you. Phoebe: (entering) Hello Chandler, lovely day huh? (To Monica) You! Chandler: Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. (Phoebe rolls her eyes and walks away and Monica glares at him.) If! I said, "If it helps!" (Goes to the bedroom.) Phoebe: Why won't you let me massage you? Monica: Well it's...I mean I'd just-I'd be self-conscious. You're my friend; I'd be naked. Phoebe: Monica! We lived together for years! I've seen you naked! Monica: That's different, we were roommates! And when?! Phoebe: I'm curious about the human body. Monica: Hey, come on Phoebe, you can understand why this would be weird for me. Phoebe: But I'm a professional! And I'm really good! Look, if you're uncomfortable we can stop. Just give me a chance, okay. Please? Monica: Okay, if it means that much to you... Phoebe: It does! How would you feel if you couldn't share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldn't teach us about dragons. Monica: Dinosaurs. Phoebe: Potato, potaato. [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey! Joey: Hey Ross! The baby's kicking! Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachel's belly.) Rachel: It's not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again. Ross: Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened? Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joey's room and he was sleeping... Joey: A dreamless sleep. Ross: My God, the baby's kicking. That's great. Although I...kinda wish I-I would've been there to feel the kicking for the first time y'know. Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel. Ross: Look, I-I don't want to miss anymore baby stuff. So...Here. Here's my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! I'll be there! Okay? I don't care if it's three in the morning and all you want is ice cream. Joey: Wow! Can I get a copy of that? [Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Monica is lying on the massage table waiting for Phoebe.] Phoebe: (calling from her room) Are you under the sheet? Monica: Yes. (Phoebe turns on some music and grabs some oil.) Phoebe: (in a soothing voice) Great, let's begin. (She starts the massage.) How's the pressure? Monica: Nice! Wow Phoebe you are good! Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And it's not weird is it. Monica: No. Ooohh... Phoebe: That's right, you just enjoy. Monica: (in a sexy voice) Oh. Oh yeah! Ohhhhh! Ohh! Oh yeah! Phoebe: (getting uncomfortable) Okay. Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh that's it! That's it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh... (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has a box of keys and is trying them on the secret closet when someone enters.] Chandler: I wasn't trying to open your closet! I wasn't trying to open your closet! I swear! (Running into the kitchen and sees its Joey.) Joey: Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing? Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she won't let me see what's in it. Joey: Why not? Chandler: I don't know! What could she possibly be hiding in here that I can't see?! Joey: I don't know. Ooh, I bet it's Richard. Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here? Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe she's having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or! Chandler: And here we go... Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Y'know it wouldn't kill ya to respect your wife's privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs! Rachel: Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I don't-Whoa!! (Winces in pain.) Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, don't worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing. Rachel: Really? Joey: Absolutely. But, we're gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? I'll page Ross on the way. Come on. Rachel: Okay. Oh God-Ow!-Oo! Joey: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everything's gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones! [Scene: The Hospital, Joey is in the waiting room as Rachel comes back out with the doctor.] Joey: Hey! So? Dr. Long: She's fine. She's experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, mild discomfort caused by contractions in the uterine wall. Rachel: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it you've had one of these Braxton thingies? Joey: So but everything is normal. Dr. Long: Absolutely. Joey: And-and there's no danger to her and the baby? Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you don't know what they are, but she's fine. Rachel: Thank you doctor. (Dr. Long exits.) (To Joey) Oh thank you for being so nice and calm. Joey: Calm?! I wasn't calm! I've never been more scared in all my life! Rachel: But wait you said everything was gonna be okay. Joey: Well what do I know?! I'm not a doctor! Rachel: But I-But everything is okay. I'm fine! Joey: You sure?! Rachel: Yes! Yes! I got half a mind to contract that doctor's uterus though. Mild discomfort, what's he talking about? Joey: (seeing Ross) Oh hey-hey! Ross: (rushes in) Is everything okay? Rachel: Yeah, everything's fine! Ross: Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened? Joey: Something called Braxton-Hicks contractions. Ross: Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them. Rachel: Okay, no uterus, no opinion. Joey: Hey uh, what's with the candy? Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater. Rachel: Oh you went to the movies by yourself? Ross: No I-Mona! Rachel: Oh, I gotta go back in there. Ross: What? Why? What's wrong? Rachel: No, everything's fine. I just gotta go back... Ross: No really, you tell me what's up. Rachel: I-I forgot my underwear. (Ross lets her go.) Ross: (To Joey) So, thanks so much for bringing her to the hospital. Joey: Oh hey, don't worry about it man. Don't worry about it, no big deal. Ross: Yeah but still, I mean it should've been me. I'm the dad. Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, here's some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. You're gonna make a wonderful father. Joey: Oh uh, hey. Not as good as this guy! (Grabs Ross around the shoulders.) He brought Twizlers! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.] Chandler: There has got to be a way! Joey: Easy there Captain Kirk. Oh, do you have a bobby pin? Chandler: Yeah. (Checks his hair.) Oh no wait, I'm not an nine-year-old girl. Joey: Then why do you throw like one? Chandler: Maybe Monica has a bobby pin. Joey: Sure. "Monica." Chandler: So, how's the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming? Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I just-I wish I didn't feel this way about Rachel anymore, y'know? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think...I think Ross feels left out. Y'know? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God... You should've seen the look on Ross's face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what I'm doing here. For all I know I'm just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card? Chandler: That's a good idea. Joey: Yeah. Chandler: Okay. (They switch places and Chandler gets out a credit card.) So uh, Ross is kinda bummed huh? Joey: Oh, I just...I feel terrible. Chandler: Well, it's not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Y'know? You're doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card? [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.] Monica: Hey. Phoebe: Hey. Monica: I gotta tell you, yesterday was amazing. That massage felt so good! Phoebe: No-no, I got that. Monica: So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment? Phoebe: Okay. Okay but you should know though, I've raised my rates to $200 an hour. Monica: Okay. Phoebe: I mean $500. Monica: What? Phoebe: 600. Monica: What's going on? Phoebe: Oh, you make s*x noises when you get massaged! Monica: What? (Laughs.) Phoebe: Yeah, and it really freaked me out! And after a while I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on. Monica: What?! You're crazy! There's nothing sexual about the noises I make! Phoebe: Really? There's nothing sexual about this? (Sexily) Oooh. Oo God! Ohh. Ohhhh. Ohh. (Some cute guy is watching closely.) (To him) What are you looking at?! (Pause) I mean hi. Monica: Oh my-This is so embarrassing. Oh my God, I'm never gonna get massaged again! Phoebe: No, you can't let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do! Monica: Really?! Phoebe: Well not clients, lovers. But let's just y'know, try it again. Come back and-and we'll work through it. Monica: Are you sure? Phoebe: Yes. Monica: I guess. Phoebe: Great! Okay, if you'll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked? [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing an aluminum can on her stomach as Ross enters.] Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick! Ross: Hey uh, I brought you some lunch. Rachel: Ohh! That's so sweet of you! Oh yum! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich and starts to get sick.) Did you put pickles on this? Ross: Well yeah! Rachel: Oh Ross!! (Runs to the bathroom and closes the door.) Ross: What?! What?! Rach what?! Joey: What's going on? Ross: I made her favorite, tuna salad with pickles. Joey: Pickle? Pickles make her sick. Giving her pickles is like giving me salad. Ross: (to Rachel) I-I'm sorry Rach, I didn't know. Are you gonna be okay? Rachel: Yeah, I'll be fine. But could someone please make sure that sandwich is gone when I get out there? Joey: I'm on it! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.) Ross: I can't believe this! I shouldn't be the one making her throw up! Joey: Dude relax! It could happen to anyone. Ross: Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I don't know any of it and I'm the father. I wish I'd be more involved y'know. Rachel: (entering) Well, if anyone is keeping score, I no longer eat tuna. Joey: Hey uh, can I, can I talk to you guys for a second? Ross: Yeah. Rachel: What's up? Joey: Uh, sit down. I wanna talk about our situation. Rachel: (Gasps) Are you breaking up with us? Joey: The thing is...'cause I live with Rachel I'm here for a lot of the stuff, okay? (To Rachel) And Ross...Ross is missing everything. So... Rachel: Yeah? Joey: Maybe you two should live together. Rachel: Are you asking me to move out? Do you not want me here? Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that...if you're gonna have a roommate, y'know it might as well be the father. Rachel: But Joey, I don't think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean-(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)-Or he does. Ross: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis. Rachel: But Ross, its you and me! Ross: So? Sure! But it-it wouldn't be anything romantic. And I'm-I'm dating Mona-Damnit Mona! I was supposed to meet her like an hour ago! What is wrong with me?! Joey: All right now, so? What do you think? Rachel: I don't know. Is it crazy? Ross: No! No it's not. Joey, this is a smart idea. Joey: Well, I was due. Rachel: Okay, let's do it. I'll move in. Ross: Really? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: Oh Rach that's great. That's great. (They hug and Joey breathes a sigh of relief.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is pounding out the hinge pins on the closet door to get it open.] Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself...using my wife's tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see what's behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God! Monica: (entering) (Gasps) How did you get in there?! Chandler: (laughs) You're messy. Monica: Oh no! You weren't supposed to see this! Chandler: I married Fred Sanford! Monica: No Chandler, you don't understand! (Chandler starts singing the theme for Sanford and Son, an old TV show starring Redd Fox.) Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Now you know. Okay? I'm y'know...I'm sick. Chandler: No, honey you're not sick! Look, I don't love you because you're organized, I love you in spite of that. Monica: Really? You promise you won't tell anyone? Chandler: Yes! And look, now that I know if I got some extra stuff lying around can we, can we share the closet. Monica: Well...it's just umm...I'm afraid you might mess it up. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is drinking a gallon of orange juice as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey. Joey: Hey. Chandler: So Rachel's all moved out huh? How are you taking it? Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldn't stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, it's a couple weeks past it's expiration date, so it's got a bit of a kick. Chandler: Are you okay? Joey: Are you kidding me? I'm great! Yeah, I'm uh; I'm better than great. I am good. And now that she's gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldn't do before. Y'know? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Y'know? I can uh, I can watch p0rn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Y'know? I like being on my own, I'm uh, better off this way. I'm uh, a lone wolf. Y'know? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. What's a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.) Closing Credits [Scene: Phoebe's Apartment, Phoebe is giving Monica another massage.] Monica: Ohhh. Phoebe: That's it. Just relax. Monica: Ohh. Oh! Ohh! Phoebe: Come on more! Monica: Oh God! Phoebe: Yeah, you like that don't you? Monica: Oh yeah right there! Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there baby! Monica: Uh Phoebe? Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it! (She stops when she realizes what she's doing.) And now I'm going to cover you back up, and umm we're never doing this again.

Chandler becomes obsessed with finding out what is inside Monica's locked closet. Phoebe feels betrayed when she discovers Monica has been using a different massage therapist. Ross feels left out after missing their baby's first kick especially when Joey is mistaken for the father. Joey, feeling bad about the situation, suggests that Rachel should move in with Ross even though he wants Rachel to live with him.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x17

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x17_0

Ted and Karen arrive at McClaren's where Marshall, Robin, Lily and Barney are already installed. Ted (2030): In March 2009, I went out a few weeks with my high school girlfriend, Karen. My friends were not really happy. Karen: Hi all. All: Hi. Ted: Sorry, can not stay. Barney: It's unfortunate! Robin: Disgusted! Karen: They are real diamonds? Robin: Yes. Yes, absolutely. Thank you. Karen: I did not say that I loved. Robin: I got a great deal... Karen: I'm sure that minors exploited in Sierra Leone you would type in five if they still had their fingers. But it's nice.Meet me at the top. Karen part. Robin: They need a finger to do what I think. Marshall: Ted, Karen is an idiot. Ted: Nice set of forms. Marshall: I put the forms there. Ted: Believe it or not, my friends do not have a say on which I frequent. This is my life. I decide. Karen: Now! Ted: I arrive. Following the call from Karen, he left. Barney: I do not know what it is, this shrew. Okay, she has boobs, but... In fact, I see. Lily: That's because he met her in high school. This is his first girlfriend. Marshall: For us, Karen is an idiot. For him, this is the first to have touched his pen1s in hand himself, his mother and pediatrician. Robin: It's almost 2am. I must work. Lily: How can they call it a "daily"? 4h, it's still the middle of the night. You impressed me. Robin: It's been almost a month. I'm used to. And then the show is not bad, right? Marshall: That is clear. Barney: I've never seen. Robin: You've ever watched? Marshall: Sure! Barney: I've never seen. Robin: Your favorite item? Marshall: Weather. Barney: I've never seen. Robin: Have you ever looked. Marshall: Sorry. Barney: I just said. Robin: I know, this is basic and bland, and it is smaller audiences than the Korean channel that does that Kim Jong Il by the horse. But, friends, it would touch me to know that at least once you look. Marshall: You know what? This Friday, everyone will come home at 3:30. We leave the pajamas and watch his show. Robin: You're the best. Lily: We want to encourage you. Friday, 3:30, Marshall, Lily and Barney are in the lounge. Lily: I just want to sleep! Marshall: I hate Robin not to have done better. Ted arrives. Ted: Hi, guys. Bad news: I was Karen plated. Go ahead. Marshall: I knew you were listening! GENERIC Barney: We should not celebrate. Ted has just been dumped.Tell us everything, everything that happened. Seriously, do not forget any details. She said what? You, you said what? How you going? If you had to redo it from start, perhaps you...? Lily: How did that happen? Ted: This is totally stupid. We were together, you know, we laughed... Flashback Ted and Karen are sitting on the bed and pillows are a battle. Ted: It's you who love the Chianti 2002. Karen: No, it's you who love the Chianti 2002. Expect. What is this? Ted: Looks like the earring Robin. Bizarre. It's you... Karen: What's she doing here? Ted: I know. Karen: Have you slept with Robin? Ted: What? Of course not! She had to be found in the laundry. Karen: Why I believe you? Ted: Maybe because I've always been faithful, when thou hast deceived me 6 times, bitch. End flashback Marshall: In your face! Ted: Right? I too would have said that. Flashback Karen: Why I believe you? Ted: Maybe because I've always been faithful, while you... I love you... Karen: I knew it was a mistake. It's good. It's over. End flashback Ted: That's it. She's gone. Barney: What a story. What courage to share it with us. Lily: Wait. That's your pajamas? You sleep in pajamas suit? Barney: Of course. You think I'm sleeping in it? Ted: A coffin. Marshall: It's not look comfortable at all. You wear a tie. Barney: First, it's a tie night. Second, it's not for comfort. This class is to be at any time. Marshall: Why have the class at any time? Barney: Let me tell you a story that happened to me recently. Flashback Barney is sleeping in his bed. He gets up and opens the door. Woman 1: It is a contest of "who is the hottest," and it was stained with massage oil. Woman 2: Super pajamas. Woman 1: You can use your shower? End flashback Ted: It's not an anecdote, it's a porno. Lily: This is not "a" skin flick, it's the scene... Forget it. Barney: But it could happen. If it happened and I was in top form for these oiled bitches, I would regret it. Marshall: Sorry, dude, but it is the nightwear most ridiculous I've seen in my life. Finally... Barney: Marshall wearing a nightgown! He wears a nightgown! You know when they say, "Remember, he was wearing a nightgown? "It is now! This is a nightgown. Call it, "Held danger of Ninja," if you want. You stay still a transvestite. Marshall: I do not care. It's comfortable. Barney: Nice to fly to Neverland with Peter Pan? Me, again! It was nice to get out of bed to accompany Charlie to the chocolate? Oh, me, me! Something about Scrooge! Come on, guys. I do all the work. Ted: I know. I live with Marshall for 12 years. Every time I put something, it's a victory. Ted folds his clothes in the room. Lily: Ted, it will start! Ted: I arrive. Ted is an earring on Robin bedroom dresser. The show starts Robin. Robin: Hello, New York. I'm Robin... Ted mutes. Ted: Marshall, I found an earring Robin on your dresser. You know why the other was in my bed? Marshall: What are you talking? Ted: You hate Karen. You told me to break it. It's you. Did you put the loop in my bed for Karen to find. Marshall: I would never... Ted: Admit it! Marshall: There's nothing to admit! Ted: Why was it on your dresser? Barney: It is pretty! Ted: I swear, if you tell me the truth on the field... Lily: Wait! Marshall did nothing. It's me. I made you break. Ted: You made me break with Karen? Are you sick? What right did you do that? Lily: I did it for your own good. You do not see how it was horrible. She failed the test of the porch. Ted: What is this test? Lily: You, Me and Marshall are friends since college. Imagine how they account for one another. So when I look to the future, I see us all together. (Lily imagines the scene) When will retirees, sipping tea on the porch of our house, playing bridge all day. Marshall, Lily and Ted are on the porch of a house and play cards. Lily, old: Bridges are wild. A bridge of four beats a royal bridge. Ted, old: I see your bridges and I raise of 3 bridges. Marshall, old: Bridge! I won! Barney: You know not to play bridge, eh? Lily: It will take over. Marshall: It's important to stay active. Lily: So whenever you go out with someone for a while, I take the test of the porch. How that person will fit over the years?And when I think of Karen... Marshall, old: Bridge! I won! Karen, old: Fantastic. Yet the bridge. Especially, not reading. Ted, old: Look, darling... dolphins. Karen, old: They seem happy. Apparently, the chemical releases of this property have not yet elitist rotten their vents. It will happen. This water will kill you. A real trap toxic. Lily, old: I'm going swimming. Marshall, old: I'm coming with you. Lily: Karen has failed the test of the porch. She had to leave. Ted: I can not believe you did that. Lily: Do you like is great, you, me and Marshall. Really, think about it. Ted: It's pretty awesome. Lily: It is really great! So for that you will marry, one that will join the Team G niale, the bar is very high. I say that I did well, but... Marshall: You're better off without her. Barney: If the angel Clarence says it's true, it should be. Marshall: You know what? Go ahead, laugh. Barney: Why are you wearing this stuff? Marshall: Several reasons. Barney: You can not even give five. Marshall: A: You can not wear anything underneath. Ted: I confirm. You can cross your legs? Marshall: Two: It's sexy. Lily: I confirm. You can uncross your legs? Marshall: Three: My grandfather was Olaf and he died at 107 years. Four: No elastic waistband leaving its mark around my Thanksgiving belly. And five: each night as I sleep, it's the most wonderful and free feeling in the world. I feel... as if I was flying. That's how I'm going to bed at night: happy, light. With a heart full of joy. And you? Barney: I have to stand still to avoid offending my pajama suit.But at least I do not wear a dress. Lily: So you're really angry? Ted: I know. I mean, I guess if you get all this for Karen, then it may be better. Lily: I'm really sorry. I hated to do it again, but Karen had to leave. Ted: "Redo"? How many times you made me break with my girlfriends? Lily: Never! Six. Ted: Like who? Lily: No one! Angie. In the second year. She used you to get revenge on her ex, and you will not see it, so... Flashback [SCENE_BREAK] A woman sleeps. Lily:... one day she was taking a nap... Lily-between opens the door and on the CD is a convenient but then wants to see someone come out, she goes and hides in the closet. Ted's turn to the room and discovered the CD. Ted: Creed? Oh, my God, I have to break up with her. He leaves and Lily out of the closet. End flashback Marshall: That's where is my CD of Creed. Ted: Who else? Lily: Do you remember this strange girl who wanted you to marry him after two months? You loved him in trouble, but you thought there anyway, so... Flashback Ted is in a queue in disguise. A person, also disguised, comes to see. Woman: Look, Ted, you're great, and it is very difficult, but I think it does not look the same. So, long life and prosperity. Or something else. End flashback Ted: That was you? It's crazy! Lily: Ted, I did it to help you. You're addicted to the commitment. You fell in love with these women, even if they do not deserve you. Ted: And if one of them was to be the mother of my children? Lily: If there was any chance, I swear, I would have done anything. As Victoria or Stella. Ted: Or Robin. Or Robin. You made us break too? You made us break too? Lily: Stop talking to me as if I were your enemy! You know these women cry, but you have the luxury of not knowing what I know: you have these breaks tragic surely avoided a first marriage crap and very expensive. Ted: You have made us break up? Lily: You do not want the truth, because deep down, you want me to watch over you. And basically, you know that none of these women would have been the mother of your children. Ted: You have made us break up? Lily: I did what I had to do. Ted: You have made us break up? Lily: Just as I did! Barney by nightdress: Your grandfather was a wise Olaf. Ted: You made me break with Robin? Lily: No, it's not... Ted: I can not believe it. I need another drink. Barney: I feel a little breeze there. It's nice. Marshall: You think that's good? Come to the mouth of heating.It's like your bazaar was on a tropical island. Barney: The Little Barney says "Mahalo." Ted: Seriously, just what is your problem? How could you do that? Lily: I did it because I care about you! Robin, entering: Too glad you watched that one! Barney: My God, what has happened? Robin: You have not seen the show? Barney: The show! Sorry. It happened something? Robin: The routine. Ted: Lily has just told us it made us break. Robin: What? We do break? What does that mean? And why they wear a night gown? Marshall: A shirt. Barney: It's called a shirt. Ted: It turns out that Lily has decided to sabotage many of my relationships, including ours. Lily: Robin was different. I did not mean that you break, but you wanted different things and you refused to settle it. I could imagine the porch. Ted, old: 2 of heart. As the heart of two children that I have ever had, because my lovely wife hates children. Robin, old: Equality. As my career that fell when I decided to settle down and marry Ted. Bridge! I won. End flashback Marshall: I do not like this scenario. Lily: I was just trying to make you talk about your problems. I did not know it would lead to your break. Flashback In April 2007, Ted and Lily are in the kitchen. Lily: I have a funny joke. Where you see yourself in five years?(Later that night, Lily is with Robin at McClaren's) You know what's funny? Funny questions. Where you see yourself in five years? The next night, Ted and Robin are in the restaurant. Ted: Where do you see yourself in five years? Robin: And you? Lily: Not that I want to make you say, but surely you want to get married. Ted: I would probably get married. Lily: You would surely be in Tokyo or Paris. Robin: I would surely be in Argentina. Ted: In Argentina? Robin: Or Tokyo, or Paris. Ted: We have a deadline, does not it? End flashback Robin: My God. Ted: You can not manipulate people like that! I've known you for 12 years, but I've never been back! Lily: I was not... Ted: I want to hear! Barney: Calm down! Let us be calm! I have a question. This is how when you're in bed? Marshall: Come, let's check. Robin: So, without you we would come out still together? Lily: Or you'd been together too long, and would have had an incredibly bitter break without even remain friends, and we would never become best friends. Robin: Do not say that. Ted: Stop cuddling! You got no right to interfere in my relationships you. You're lucky. You have found the love of your life in a dorm you turn 18. It gives you no right to play God while others are still looking for. You worry so much about who will finish with you on the porch. You know what? Keep it for you. Lily: It is what happened to your jacket? Robin: Soot, breadcrumbs, placenta. You have not even registered? Barney and Marshall are installed in the same bed. Barney: You're at home, every night, and Lily layer always with you? Marshall: Yeah, marriage, man, unconditional love. You can wear what you want and you get laid. Barney: Tell me about marriage. Marshall: Sometimes when you're married, the smell of breakfast wakes you ready. Barney: The coffee too? Marshall: The cafe also. Sometimes she even puts a vase of fresh flowers. Barney: I love flowers. And sometimes when you're afraid of making wrong choices and you're not the one you wanted to be, what it does? Marshall: It says you're great and everything will be fine. Barney: It's beautiful. And it helps you to find other girls to sleep with? Marshall: I guess. If you have agreed, perhaps. The guy had a hard day. We'll talk tomorrow. Good night, champ. Ted (2030): The next night, I always wanted your aunt Lily.Until... Ted arrives at the bar. Karen: What are you doing... (She kisses him before he finished his sentence) Lily rose and explained everything to me. And she gave me this for you. Ted reads the word that Lily wrote him. Lily: Ted, I'm sorry. No matter who you marry. I know it will be great because she will think you are. To prove my sincerity, I have prepared a surprise for you and Karen at the top. Kisses, Lily. Marshall: PS: Sorry that the envelope is opened. I read what she wrote. Marshall. Karen: Sabotaging our relationship? I must admit that even setting the bar really low for judging friends, Lily really outdid themselves. Clearly, we can not see her again. I know. It's hard, huh? Ted thinks the porch with Karen. Karen, old: Do you remember your college roommate? He was married to this girl's voice rattle. Ted, old: It's been so long. Karen, old: My God, I hated him. Finally, here is his obituary. Ted was at the apartment and talk to Robin. Ted: I realized that no matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it really matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends. Robin: So, it's over? Ted: Yes. If you wanna be my guest, Lily is a sacred stove. Robin: beef pie, macaroni and cheese, butter cookie house. Ted: Normal Marshall dies at age 68. Robin: Thank you. Ted (2030): And with Robin, we're treated to a gourmet dinner.For her breakfast. And we ended up doing exactly what Lily wanted us to do: talk about our relationship. Robin: Basically, Lily made us break. Ted: It makes you wonder. Robin: If it had not been there, we always go out together? Ted: Maybe. She was right. We were not ready. We needed to move forward, we do our stuff. It is always the case. Robin: We should make a pact. If the years pass and only 40 years old, one is always alone... Ted: Will you be my wife back? Robin: A girl dreams of hearing those words. A million times, yes! They hug. Ted: Okay, that's it. Do we must etablire rules? Robin: Genre? Ted: I know. As not to become huge, that sort of thing. Robin: Just one thing: no nightgown. Ted: I'll never wear. Barney gets up and opens the door. Woman: Too bad.

When Karen comes across another woman's earring in Ted's bed, he learns that Lily put it there on purpose. Ted discovers this isn't the first time she's covertly meddled in his relationships.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x02

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x02_0

Scene One [Title: The Year 2030] Narrator: Okay, where was I? Daughter: You were telling us how you met mom. Son: In excruciating detail... Narrator: Right, so (While Flashbacks take place) back in 2005 when I was twenty-seven, my two best friends got engaged. And it got me thinking, "Maybe I should get married." Then I saw... Robin. She was incredible. I just knew I had to meet her. That's where your Uncle Barney came in. Barney: I suggest we play a little game I like to call, "Have you Met Ted?" Ted: No, no, no-we're not playing "Have you Met Ted!" Barney: (Taps Robin's shoulder) Hi! Have you met Ted? (Leaves) Narrator: So I asked her out, and I know this sounds crazy... but after just one date, I was in love with her, which made me say something stupid Ted: I think I'm in love with you. Robin: What? [Cut to Year 2030] Daughter: Oh, Dad. Son: So then what happened? Narrator: Nothing. I mean, I made a complete fool of myself. So... a week went by and I decided not to call her. [Cut to Entering the Bar] (As Marshell, Barney and Ted enter) Marshall: So you're not goanna call her? You went from, "I think I'm in love with you" to "I'm not gonna call her?" Ted: I wasn't in love with her, okay? I was briefly in love with the abstract idea of getting married! That had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. (Finds Lily and Robin chatting at a table.) Robin! Robin: Hey! Lily: Look who I ran into! Ted: Since when do you guys know each other? Robin: Uh... since about (points to glass) here. Lily recognized me from the news and-(Lily and Marshall kiss) Hello, Sailor! Ted: They just got engaged. Robin: Well, I should get back to the station. See you guys. (Marshall raises a hand while still kissing Lily) Nice seeing you, Ted. Ted: Yeah, you too. (Robin leaves, Barney walks closer) Damn it. Lily: What? Ted: I'm in love with her. Barney: (hits him) No! As your sponsor I will not let you relapse. You blew it; it's over-move on. Ted: I don't know! I just have this feeling. She's the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. (Lily Squeals) Ted: Lily, you squeaked? (Lily shakes her head) Ted: She said something about me didn't she? Come on, spill it, Red. Lily: Fine! [Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar] Lily: So what do we think of Ted? Robin: (laughs) Ted's something else. [Flashback ends] Ted: Huh... I'm gonna spin that as good. Lots of guys are "something", I'm "something else". [Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar] Robin: Comes on a little strong. [Flashback ends] Ted: But...that's part of my charm. [Flashback to Earlier. Lily and Robin talking at the bar] Lily: But that's part of his charm. Robin: Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just looking for something a little bit more serious than I am. I mean the most I can handle right now is something casual. This just stays between us, right? Lily: Are you kidding? This flapper-for knocks. [Flashback ends] Lily: (shy) Oops... Ted: She wants casual. Okay, I'll be casual. I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? Cause it's a game! I wanted to skip to the end and do the "happily ever after" thing but you don't get there unless you play the game. Marshall: So're you gonna ask her out? Ted: Yeah-No! I can't ask her out, because if I ask her out I'm asking her out. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out? (thinks) (Silence) Lily: Did you guys get high? Ted: I got it! I don't ask her out... I invite her to our party next Friday. Marshall: We're having a party next Friday? Ted: We are now-Casual Barney: Yeah, cuz nothing says "Casual" like inviting a hundred people over just to "Mac" on one girl. Oh, and Lily-that's my leg. Lily: You waited five minutes to tell me that? Marshall: Alright-so call her up! Ted: No-calling's not casual! I just gotta bump into her somewhere. If only I knew her schedule I could arrange a "chance" encounter. Lily: that's great, Ted. You'll be the most "Casual" stalker ever. (They laugh) [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two (The Apartment) Narrator: Now ever since Marshall put that ring on her finger, Lily had been...well... extra affectionate. Marshall: Baby, no. I have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on Monday, I barely started, Lily: Hey, I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring... my beautiful ring. Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. Or... my underwear. Oh-that's right-I'm not wearing any. Marshall: (Closes laptop screen) No underwear? Lily: Not slightly. (Scene widens to show Ted is on the couch listening) Ted: Guys, boundaries! There she is! Robin: (on TV) Thanks Bill, I'm reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket on 75th in Columbus Ted: 75th in Columbus. (Gets up and grabs coat) Game on! (Leaves) [Cut to Razzle Dazzle Supermarket. Robin's reporting on the news] Robin: where four year old, Leroy Ellensburg, climbed inside a grab a prize machine (You see child stuck in toy machine) and gotten stuck. [Cut to Ted running down the street] [Cut to Razzle Dazzle Supermarket. Robin reporting on the news] Robin: And on the pursuit of a stuffed purple giraffe. (Ted appears behind her, leaves nervously) From Metro News One, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. (News report ends) (Ted re-enters running) Cameraman: We're clear Robin: (To cameraman) Thanks. (Notices Ted) Ted? Ted: (Turns around nonchalant) Robin, wow! What are the odds? Robin: What are you doing here? Ted: Oh, you know, just-uh-Shopping for-uh-dip (holds dip) I love dip... I mean I don't love dip, I like dip. As a friend, you know. So-uh-hey, you-uh-reporting a news story or something? (puts dip back) Robin: Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news. Ted: Wow, kid in a crane machine (approached machine. To boy) You just had to have that toy didn't ya? Couldn't play the game like everyone else. Leroy: You're all sweaty! Ted: Cute kid (wipes forehead) Um yeah it's f-it's so funny running into your we're having a party next Friday if-if you like swinging by! But, you know, whatever. Robin: Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight. Ted: (Shocked) It is, it's tonight. This Friday, Did I say next Friday? Yeah-sorry-cuz I've been saying "next Friday" all week, but yeah it's tonight. The-uh-party's tonight. But, you know, whatever. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three (Marshall and Lily in bed after s*x) (Phone rings, Marshall answers) Marshall: Hello? Ted: (on Phone) hey, am I interrupting anything? (Holding party mixes) Marshall: No, no I'm just writing my paper. Hitting the books. Ted: (on Phone) Yeah, well you and Lily might wanna put some clothes on. We're throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye (hangs up) [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four (The Party #1) Marshall: So, Gatsby, what are you goanna do when Robin shows up? Ted: Okay, I got it all planned out. [Shows Fantasy "Plan" as Ted tells story] Ted: She steps through the door, and where's Ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. Nah I'm across the room at my drafting table showing some foxy young thing all my cool architecture stuff. So Robin strolls over and I casually give her one of these, "Hey, what's up?" She says, "Hey, nice place" etcetera, etcetera. And then I say, "Well make yourself at home," and I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later, "Oh, you're still here?" I say like I don't really care, but it's a nice surprise. And then very casually, "Wanna see the roof?" [Fantasy pauses] Lily and Marshall: (Gloating) The roof. Ted: Get her up to the roof and the roof takes care of the rest. Barney: What's so special about the roof? Lily: Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. You can't not fall in love on that roof. Marshall: We do it up there sometimes. Barney: Solid plan, my little friend. Ted: We're the same height. Barney: But may I suggest one little modification. [Fantasy Continues as Barney takes over] Barney: That foxy young thing you were chatting up, take her up to the roof and have s*x with her! Crazy monkey-style. Ted: That's not the plan. Barney: Should be the plan, I mean look at her. Ted, look at her. She's smokin'! Fantasy Girl: Thank you. Ted: Yeah, but she's not Robin. [Fantasy Ends] Barney: Exactly! Ted, let's wrap. Statistic, at every New York party there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see-where I'm going-hu-with this? Ted: Barney, I don't wanna say- Barney: Aargh! (Pulls down imaginary scope) Scoping, beep, scoping, beep! Lily: Man you're a dork. Barney: beep, beep, beep, beep. Target acquired! And now it's time we play a little game I like to call "Have You Met Ted?" Ted: No, come on not this. Barney: (taps woman) Hi! Have you met Ted? Tatiana: No. Ted: Hi. Tatiana: Hi. Barney: Do you know Marshall? Lily? Tatiana: No. (smiles) Barney: Hmm, do you know anyone at this party? Tatiana: I work with Carlos. Barney: Excuse me, (to group) Anyone know a Carlos? Ted: No. Lily: No. Barney: On a silver platter! Bon appetite! Ted: I don't think so. Barney: Your loss, her gain. (To Tatiana) Excuse me, can I show you the roof? It's magical up there! Tatiana: Sure (Smiles) Ted: Whoa-whoa-Hey hey. I got that roof reserved! Barney: Dude, Robin's not coming. Ted: Hey, she's goanna show up. (Silence) She'll show up. [Cut to day after party in the Apartment] Narrator: She didn't show up. Lily: At least it was a great party. Marshall: I ate like four whole cans of dip! Ted: You always know what to say old friend. (Phone rings.) Ted: It's Robin. Lily: Answer it! Ted: No, no, no. Not right away. I gotta seem casual. (Answers phone) Hello? Robin: (on Phone) I'm so sorry I missed your party. Ted: Who is this? Merideth? Robin: (On Phone) Robin. Ted: Oh, Robin! Hey, yeah, guess you never showed up did you? Robin: (on Phone) no I got stuck at work, but they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. Ted: Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? Robin: (on Phone) Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. He was in there a long time and little kids have smaller bladders. Ted: (scoffs) Robin: (On Phone) I wish your party was tonight. (Silence) Ted: It is the party's tonight. (Marshall's mad) Yeah-uh-it's a two day party. Because that's just how we roll. Uh-so if you wanna swing by its-uh-you know, Casual. See ya. (hangs up) So that was Robin. Marshall: What are you doing to me, man. I got a paper to write. Ted: I know I'm sorry. It's terrible (grabs coat) I'll buy more dip (runs out) Marshall: TED! TED WAIT-GET FRENCH ONION. (Closes door) Can you believe this guy, I got a paper to write. (Lily smiles) Okay, fine-(they walk into the bedroom) but it's gotta be like super quick. Lily: Oh! Marshall: And no cuddling after. Lily: I'm the luckiest girl alive (runs into bedroom. Marshall strips.) [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five (Party #2) Barney: Oh, you were so right about the roof. The roof. The roof is on fire, Ted! Girl from last night, took her back to my place then this morning took her outside, spun her around a couple of times sent her walking-she will never find her way back and there she is. How did she get here? Did you invite her? Ted: I have no idea who that is. Barney: She said she works with Carlos, who's Carlos? Ted: I don't know any Carlos. Barney: Grr. (Turns around) Hi, you. You're back. Tatiana: I sure am (kisses Barney). Come on, sweetie, I need a drink. Barney: "sweetie"? Really? (They walk into the kitchen Barney mouths) Sweetie? (Marshall and Lily walk towards the stairs to the roof) Ted: Whoa-Whoa rabbits! Come on, I got that roof reserved. Marshall: Alright. Barney: So, it's over between me-and-works with Carlos girl. Ted: Oh, that was fast. Barney: Yeah, I was trying to think what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met? [Flashback] Barney: I think I'm in love with you. Tatiana: What? [Flashback ends] Barney: Thanks, bro (walks away) Ted: (straight-faced) Glad I could help. (Marshall's on his way up to the roof) Ted: What the-no, no, no, no-come on! Marshall: Sorry, Ted. (Goes up) Ted: Great! What am I going to do when Robin shows up. (Silence) She'll show up. [Later after the party] Narrator: She didn't show up. Marshall: Alright, we threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me, "I will not have s*x with Marshall". Lily and Ted: I will not have s*x with Marshall. (Phone rings) Ted: It's Robin. (sighs. Answers) Hello? Robin: (on the Phone) Hi, Ted. Ted: Amanda? Oh, Denise-Sorry you totally sounded like Amanda (Does weird hand thing with Marshall) Robin: (On Phone) It's Robin. Ted: Oh, Robin-(laughs)-Hi. Robin: (On Phone) I totally wanted to come; I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. I'm sorry I missed your party...again. Ted: Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing mamacita. (To Lily and Marshall) WHO AM I? Robin: (On Phone) I guess there's no change your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer. Ted: (Silence) It did indeed, the party continues tonight. (Marshall grabs for him, Ted runs away) Yeah. Last night people were like, "KEEP IT GOIN' BRO! PARTY TRIFECTA!" Robin: (On Phone) Wow, okay-well I'll be there. Ted: Great, see you tonight. (hangs up. Looks to Marshall) So that was Robin. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six (Party #3) Narrator: So I threw a third party for Robin. On a Sunday night (Very Little people in the apartment) Barney: Oh, this is lame. Ted: lame or "Casual"? Barney: lame. Ted: Or "Casual"? Lily: Hey little old books. Ready for a little fifteen minute recess? Marshall: Sorry, baby, I gotta work. I need all my blood (points to brain) up here. Has anybody seen an introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923? (Silence) Anybody seen a big-ass book? Crowd: (mutters) No, no. Tatiana: Hello, Barney. Barney: Of course. Tatiana: You look well. Isn't it weird they invited both of us? Barney: Who? Who invited you? No one even know who you are! Tatiana: I understand you're hurt, but, you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you. Barney: Who is Carlos!? Marshall: Okay, where the hell is my-OHH! (Book has been used as coaster, all wet) Okay, introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923...is not a coaster! Ted! I'm jeopardizing my law career so that you can throw not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not gonna show up. (Ted's shocked) I mean where is she, Ted, huh? Where's Robin? (Finds Robin) Hi! Hi Robin. (Throws book on the floor and grabs Lily for s*x) Robin: so you threw all these parties for me? Ted: No! Oh you thought that-oh, no! I c-okay yes. You got me-I-(laughs)-one of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you to uh-(Barney throws Ted a random guy) this guy. I figured, you know, since it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it (nervously laughs)-Anyway Robin, this is. Carlos: Carlos (shake hands) Barney and Ted: Ohhh. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six (Party #3. Robin's sitting with Carlos, happy. Ted's being supported by Lily and Marshall.) Ted: She's still talking to Carlos. I can still win this, it's not over. Lily: Okay, buddy, time for the "tough-talk". Robin seems great. But let's look at the facts, you wanna get married and right now there's a million women in New York looking for exactly you, but Robin ain't one of them. Ted: She's not just "one of them" she's the one. Barney: Yeah well, "the one" is heading up to "the roof". (Robin leaves to the roof with Carlos) Marshall: What are you gonna do? Ted: Nothing. It's a game, I gotta just-keep playing it. [Flashback to Leroy playing the crane machine, and then crawling into the hole to get what he wants. Just like what Ted does by climbing out the window to reach the roof-what he wants] [Cut to the rooftop] Robin: Hey. Ted: Hey. Carlos, can you give us a minute? Carlos: Hey, no sweat hombre. Ted: Robin, look I didn't invite you to this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. (Robin smiles) I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. Robin: Well, here I am. Ted: There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy. Robin: (exhales) you're not crazy. I-I don't know, Ted, I mean we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look and it's like-(struggles) Ted: Like what? Robin: like-let's fall in love, and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice. Ted: I'm not gonna force sports on them unless they're interested. Robin: (laughs) It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl. Ted: No, I'm not. Robin: Yes, you are. I don't wanna get married right now, maybe ever and if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart and-I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. Ted: (reaches in his Jacket) Click. Off. Let's make out. Robin: (laughs) What? Ted: What? That was the off switch! And I turned it off. I mean sure yes, I wanna fall in love get married blah, blah, blah, but-on the other hand... you... me...the roof. Robin: There's no off switch. Ted: There is an off switch... and it's off. Robin: (smiling) no, it's not. Ted: (silence) yes, it is. (They draw closer) Robin: No (smiles)...it's-not. Ted: Yes-it is (they kiss long) No it's not. You're right, there's no off switch. God I wish there was an off switch. Robin: (sighs) me too. (Silence. They laugh) Ted: So (They mutter together. Then laugh) Robin: we could be friends (shrugs) Ted: Oh (clutches heart) Robin: look, I know it sounds insincere when people say that but... we could. Ted: I don't know, Robin. I made such a jackass out of myself here, every time we start hanging out it'll be like, "Oh-that's right-I'm a jackass." Robin: You're not a jackass. I'm sorry. I only moved here in April and I'm always working and-I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand. Ted: Well-uh-maybe in a few months after it's not so fresh, we could all-uh...you know, get a beer. Robin: yeah. (sighs) That sounds good. I'll see you, Ted. (walks away) Ted: Or, you know-now. (Robin looks at Ted) We could all get a beer now. Robin: (Smiles) I'd like that. Ted: My friends are goanna love you-like you-you know, as a friend. (Robin giggles) Jackass. [Fades to Bar Scene] Barney: Unbelievable. That is just a recipe for disaster, they work together (Carlos and Tatiana are making out) Ted: You jealous? Barney: Oh, please, what does Carlos have that I don't? Robin: a date tonight? Marshall, Lily and Ted: Ohh!! Lily: Stop the tape, rewind-play it again. Robin: (Imitates a rewinding tape) a date tonight? (smiles) Mashall, Lily and Ted: Ohh!! Barney: I'm not sure I like her. Ted: Hey, don't you have a paper to write? Marshall: Dude, you're talking to the kid. Ted: I know it. Marshall: I'm goanna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna write a twenty-five page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get a A. My name is Rufus, and that's the Trufus. [Scene Freezes] Narrator: He got a B Minus. But still-twenty-five pages in one night, B minus? The kid was good. [Scene Continues] Ted: At least let me buy you a beer. Come on I'll buy everyone a beer. Robin: I'll help carry. You know something, Ted? Ted: What? Robin: You are a catch. You're gonna make some girl very happy, and I am going to help you find her. Ted: (laughs) Well, good luck. I mean maybe New York's just too big a town, you know? There's millions of people in this city. How in all this mess is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin? (Robin taps a random woman at the bar) Robin: Hi, Have you met Ted? (Cute girl shakes head) (Music Takes over) Ted: (mouths) Hi, I'm Ted (Robin takes the beer to the table. Ted watches her while the Cute Girl talks to him. Robin looks back. Smiles. Ted engages into a conversation)

In an attempt to repair his situation with Robin, Ted instead pursues a "casual" relationship with her by inviting her to a series of parties. Marshall tries to write an important 25-page law paper, but Ted's parties and Lily's post-engagement desire distracts him. Meanwhile, Barney tries to end a relationship he unknowingly started.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_09x01

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_09x01_0

DAY OF THE DALEKS BY: LOUIS MARKS 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. HALLWAY (NIGHT) (A grandfather clocks ticks in the darkened tapestry covered hallway of a country house. A UNIT soldier stands guard on a set of double doors. From them emerges a smartly dressed fair-haired woman in her forties. She speaks to the soldier.) MISS PAGET: You will be sure that nobody disturbs him, won't you? (The soldier nods and the woman - MISS PAGET - ascends a staircase.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (NIGHT) (Through the doorway is a study and within it a distinguished man sits at a table writing. He blots the paper and, tired, takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. Suddenly, the curtains at a french window blow as if disturbed by a wind. The man - SIR REGINALD STYLES - gets up from behind the desk and goes to the curtains. He parts them and stands back in shock as he sees a figure behind the curtains. It is a man dressed in combat fatigues and carrying a futuristic weapon.) SIR REGINALD STYLES: What the...? (SIR REGINALD steps back but the man grabs him by his jacket and pushes him down onto a table. SIR REGINALD lies on his back looking at the man as he aims the gun at him.) SIR REGINALD STYLES: Ah...no...no! No! (Suddenly, the man stiffens. A pattern of lights surround him and seem to extend from him and an electronic warbling fills the air. Within the pattern, the man disappears. SIR REGINALD looks up in shock and clambers to his feet. The door opens and MISS PAGET enters, alerted by the noise.) MISS PAGET: Sir Reginald? (She sees SIR REGINALD shaking in the middle of the room.) MISS PAGET: Are you all right? (He gabbles incoherently.) MISS PAGET: What happened? SIR REGINALD STYLES: (Gasps.) He attacked me! Tried to kill me! MISS PAGET: Who did? What happened? SIR REGINALD STYLES: He vanished...disappeared into thin air! Like a...ghost... (He points at the open French window.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. UNIT HQ. DUTY ROOM (A phone rings on a desk in the UNIT duty room. The BRIGADIER hands a paper to one of the female operatives within and then sits at the desk, picking up the phone.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) Lethbridge-Stewart? VOICE: (Over telephone.) Ah, I have the Minister for you. MINISTER: (OOV: Over telephone.) Hello? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) Oh good, put him through, will you? MINISTER: (OOV: Over telephone.) Hello? Hello? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) Er, good morning, Minister. MINISTER: (OOV: Over telephone.) I've just been on to Auderly House. I've rather had some rather disturbing news. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) Yes, yes, I've seen the report from Miss... (He looks over a paper.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.)...er, Miss Paget. Doesn't seem to be very much to go on. MINISTER: (OOV: Over telephone.) I don't need to tell you how critical the situation is. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) Er, yes, Minister. I'm very well aware of Sir Reginald's importance in these negotiations. MINISTER: (OOV: Over telephone.) Then you're proposing to do nothing about it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) No, Minister. I do not propose to ignore the matter. I'm putting my best man on to it. (A small smile appears on his face.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) As a matter of fact, I was just about to brief him when you rang. [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR has once again taken the TARDIS console out of the ship and is again making adjustments to the dematerialisation circuit, watched by JO, who holds a clipboard.) JO: Doctor, why don't you take a break? (The DOCTOR ignores her and crosses to the other side of the console where he flicks a switch.) DOCTOR: It's maddening, you know. So nearly there. If I could only cut out their override on the dematerialisation circuit. Let me see those figures. (He takes the clipboard and a pen off her and starts to read the sheets attached.) JO: Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? JO: I thought the TARDIS was working again. DOCTOR: What gave you that idea? JO: Oh, being dragged off to an alien planet five hundred years in the future, for example. Oh, you know - all that business with the miners and the colonists. DOCTOR: My dear Jo, the TARDIS was being operated then under remote control by the High Council of the Time Lords. JO: Well, if it worked for them... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) I don't want it to work for them. I want it to work for me. No-one's going to turn me into an interplanetary puppet. (JO smiles. The DOCTOR returns to his clipboard.) DOCTOR: Yes, of course. Why didn't I think of that before? (He hands her the clipboard back and ducks beneath the console. JO herself starts to look over the clipboard and hears the green double lab doors opening behind her. In the corridor stand another DOCTOR and another JO! She turns round and looks at them in shock.) DUPLICATE DOCTOR: Yes, of course. I remember now. (This second DOCTOR sees the look on the original JO'S face.) DUPLICATE DOCTOR: Look, don't worry, my dear. I know you're alarmed but you needn't be. (The original DOCTOR gets up from beneath the console.) DOCTOR: Yes, well I think that should do it. Why on Earth I never realised that... (He sees the look on JO'S face and follows her gaze.) DOCTOR: Oh no! What are you doing here? DUPLICATE DOCTOR: Well, I'm not here. Don't worry. Well, that is, in a sense, er, I am here, but, erm, you are not there. Er...yes, well, it's a bit difficult to explain really. DOCTOR: This won't do at all! We can't have two of us running about. DUPLICATE DOCTOR: Yes, well don't worry. It will all sor... (There is a sudden flash on the console and the two duplicate figures disappear.) JO: Doctor! What happened? DOCTOR: Well, it's a very complicated thing - time - Jo. Once you've begun tampering with it, the oddest things start happening. JO: But there was another you and another...me. (She looks round.) JO: Well, where've they gone? DOCTOR: Back into their own time stream, of course. Or do I mean forward? JO: But, Doctor, I don't understand... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Look, Jo. Don't worry about it. It was a freak affect. It's very unlikely to happen again. (He passes her the dematerisation circuit.) DOCTOR: Hold that and give me those papers. (He takes the clipboard off her again and is once more looking over the papers when the BRIGADIER enters the lab, himself reading a report.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Ah, Doctor. Glad you're still here. (The DOCTOR looks up and grins at JO.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I need your help. DOCTOR: Sorry, Brigadier. I'm busy. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yeah, so am I, Doctor, so am I. Now then, you've heard of Sir Reginald Styles? (The DOCTOR continues to make notes on his clipboard and shows no interest in the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: No, can't say that I have. JO: Well isn't he the chief representative at the UN? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: That's right - key figure at the latest summit conference. DOCTOR: My dear chap, I'm a scientist. Not a politician. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: You know, Doctor, if you...didn't spend so much time tinkering around with this wretched contraption, you'd realise just how bad the international situation's become. DOCTOR: Humans are always squabbling over something, Brigadier. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes, well, this particular squabble looks like ending up in a third world war. (The DOCTOR looks up from his clipboard and shows some interest at last.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: The Chinese delegation have refused to attend. Without them, the conference can't even begin. Now Styles is flying to Peking in a few hours. There's just a chance that he can persuade them to change their minds. DOCTOR: All right, Brigadier. So what's his problem? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, he was working late last night, down at Auderly... JO: (Interrupts.) Where's that? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Auderly, Miss Grant, is a Government owned country house about fifty miles north of London where the conference is due to be held. JO: Oh. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: He suddenly started behaving...rather oddly. Seemed to think that someone was trying to assassinate him. DOCTOR: Any idea who? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Some sort of "ghost" apparently. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. AUDERLY HOUSE (The quiet but overgrown grounds of Auderly House are bathed in sunshine. The peace is disturbed by the same sound that was heard in the study the night before. A pattern of lights appear and within, the attacker from the night before materialises. He quickly looks round and then runs for the cover of some undergrowth. Seeing that all is clear, he starts to run towards the large white Georgian mansion. Suddenly he stops. A long drawn out whistle-like sound can be heard. The GUERILLA looks terrified. He turns and runs back the way he came as fast as he can.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. TUNNEL AREA (A short time later, the man, now out of breath, arrives at a railway bridge which runs over a canal. The GUERILLA looks round when a large simian-like figure steps out behind him. The man is clubbed to the ground and he falls down the bank towards the canal side. The figure which clubbed him looks down on him. It is large with a dark ape-like face and thick set eyes. Long straggly hair comes off its head. It wears a primitive sort of uniform. It is joined by another of its kind and they glance over their victim before walking under the railway bridge where there is a tunnel leading into darkness. A train rumbles over head as they go...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (The DOCTOR, JO and the BRIGADIER have travelled to Auderly House where MISS PAGET explains what she knows in the study.) MISS PAGET: He said somebody attacked him and vanished. DOCTOR: And you're absolutely certain that he used the word "ghost"? MISS PAGET: Oh yes. But afterwards he... (The doors open and SIR REGINALD walks in. He is clearly angry at the intrusion of the strange group.) SIR REGINALD STYLES: Miss Paget! What's going on here?! MISS PAGET: These people are from UNIT, sir. SIR REGINALD STYLES: Who asked them to come here? MISS PAGET: I did - because of what happened yesterday. SIR REGINALD STYLES: Nothing happened yesterday. (He snatches a paper from her and starts to read it.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: There seems to have been some sort of incident, Sir Reginald? SIR REGINALD STYLES: (Snaps.) Nothing of any importance. JO: Well, if you could tell us what happened? SIR REGINALD STYLES: (Unconvincingly.) I was working late. I must have dropped off. Freak gust of wind, blew some papers off my desk, I woke up rather confused, I was picking up the papers when Miss Paget came in. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: But you did mention ghosts. SIR REGINALD STYLES: Did I? Must have been having a nightmare. MISS PAGET: But the French windows were shut. I closed them before I went to bed. SIR REGINALD STYLES: Then I must have opened them! (The DOCTOR points across the room.) DOCTOR: Did you, er, did you also make those marks on the floor over there? Muddy feet, Sir Reginald. Someone was in here, you know. SIR REGINALD STYLES: (Angrily.) Are you accusing me of lying, sir?! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Sir Reginald, you've obviously been under considerable strain recently. Were you feeling at all unwell last night? SIR REGINALD STYLES: I felt, and feel, perfectly well. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've a lot to do. I'm due at the airport in an hour. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: You've no objection to my men searching the grounds? SIR REGINALD STYLES: None at all. Though I really don't know what you hope to find. (He walks out and shuts the door. MISS PAGET looks worried.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. TUNNEL AREA (The search of the grounds has begun. Two soldiers traverse the railway bridge, looking down on the canal and embankment below. The DOCTOR, the BRIGADIER, YATES and BENTON watch as more soldiers search the overgrown area nearby. The GUERILLA still lies unconscious at the bottom of the embankment which leads down from the railway bridge, his futuristic weapon next to him. Suddenly, he is spotted by one of the soldiers on the bridge.) UNIT SOLDIER: He's over here! (The DOCTOR and his companions run towards the spot indicated.) UNIT SOLDIER: Sergeant! (BENTON moves to where the soldier has called him while the DOCTOR looks over the GUERILLA.) DOCTOR: Ah, he's in a bad way, poor chap. You'd better get him to the hospital. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Captain Yates... CAPTAIN YATES: Right away, sir. (YATES runs off to fetch help. The BRIGADIER picks up the GUERILLA'S weapon and looks over it.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: This is a new one on me. What do you make of it, Doctor? (He passes it to the DOCTOR who looks over it.) DOCTOR: I'm not sure... (BENTON returns carrying what looks like a small battery pack in his hand with a shoulder strap attached to it.) SERGEANT BENTON: Sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: What've you got there, Benton? SERGEANT BENTON: No idea, sir. (He passes it to the BRIGADIER who opens the top. Inside is a mass of complex circuitry.) SERGEANT BENTON: It was hidden about fifty feet inside the tunnel. Must have been put there recently, I reckon. (The DOCTOR looks thoughtful.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CONTROL ROOM (Far away, a cold-faced man sits in a luxurious leather chair in a large control room. He is dressed in a simple dark green tunic. Around him, a number of girls man flat-topped control units which stand on split level platforms. A uniformed guard stands to one side. The man in the chair - the CONTROLLER - presses a button on a small remote control unit and a door buzzes open. The two ape-like beings who attacked the GUERILLA walk into the room and up to the CONTROLLER.) CONTROLLER: Your report? OGRON: We...found...and destroyed...the enemy. CONTROLLER: Any complications? OGRON: No complications. CONTROLLER: Good. They will be satisfied. (The two OGRONS turn to go.) CONTROLLER: I did not say dismiss! I want an intensified effort. There can be no relaxation - not until we have found all those responsible for this menace - and eliminated them too! (Wearily.) Now you may go. (The two OGRONS start to walk out.) CONTROLLER: But keep me informed of all developments. (The two beings leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (SIR REGINALD walks into his study but recoils in shock as he sees the BRIGADIER holding the GUERILLA'S gun.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Have you seen this before? SIR REGINALD STYLES: (Angrily.) Really Brigadier! What sort of games are you playing? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: It's not a game, sir. It's our duty to protect you! SIR REGINALD STYLES: (Snaps.) I don't need your protection! (He storms past the DOCTOR who is also in the room.) DOCTOR: Sir Reginald, we've just found a very severely injured man down by the canal tunnel. (STYLES goes to his desk and starts putting papers into a briefcase.) SIR REGINALD STYLES: Oh really? And what did he look like? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Thirty-fiveish, average build. He was wearing a sort of guerilla combat suit. DOCTOR: And carrying that gun. SIR REGINALD STYLES: I am very sorry, gentlemen, but I have rather more important things on my mind at the moment. If you'll excuse me? (He heads for the door, briefcase in hand.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I've arranged an escort to take you to the airport, sir. SIR REGINALD STYLES: Thank you, but it shouldn't be necessary. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I'm sorry, sir, but I think it will! SIR REGINALD STYLES: (Dismissive.) Oh, if you insist. (He walks out.) DOCTOR: I'd like to get that gun down to the laboratory and run a few tests on it. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Anything else we can do? DOCTOR: No, not for the moment. I think we'll just have to sit and wait and hope that our would-be assassin regains consciousness. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. AMBULANCE (SERGEANT BENTON sits in an ambulance near the railway bridge and helps pull in a stretcher which is pushed in from the other side by YATES and another soldier. The GUERILLA is on the stretcher.) CAPTAIN YATES: And stay with him every moment, Benton. Take down everything he says - anything at all. SERGEANT BENTON: Leave it to me, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (A miniature dematerisalisation circuit sits on a box top. Near it, the DOCTOR has secured the GUERRILA'S gun onto a stand. The gun is pointed at a man-shaped target which is set in an alcove. JO and the BRIGADIER watch.) DOCTOR: Well, basically it's a form of ultra-sonic disintegrator. JO: You mean a ray gun? DOCTOR: That's right, Jo, I mean a ray gun. Only it's far more sophisticated than any weapon yet invented on Earth. Now take a look at this. (The DOCTOR fires the gun. There is a white flare and the target disappears.) DOCTOR: Quite an effective little weapon, eh? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Doctor, you say this wasn't made on Earth. Do you mean it comes from another planet? DOCTOR: Well that was my theory at first, yes. But the metallurgical analysis shows that the, er, iron constituent is very much of this world. In fact, it was mined not very far from here - North Wales. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: How do you explain that? DOCTOR: Do you believe in ghosts, Brigadier? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Let's be serious, Doctor. DOCTOR: I am. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Oh, come along, Doctor, come along. DOCTOR: Oh, my mistake. I was forgetting the unimaginative nature of the military mind. But we saw a couple of "Amicus Seperatus" a few moments ago, didn't we, Jo? JO: Did we? DOCTOR: Yes, here in this laboratory. JO: Oh, you mean when we... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Mind you, they were manifestations of a much more benevolent kind. None of your clanking chains and chilly fingers! But ghosts, none the less. JO: That was because you were playing around with the time mechanism on the TARDIS, wasn't it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Smiles.) Still can't get it to work, eh? (The DOCTOR picks up the box found near the railway bridge.) DOCTOR: Well, I can't get this thing to work, either. But this is a form of, er, of time machine of a very crude kind. JO: How do you know? DOCTOR: Come over here. Look at this. (He picks up the miniature dematerialisation circuit.) DOCTOR: Now what do you think that is? JO: Ooh, it's a...mini-dematerialisation circuit. DOCTOR: Top of the class, Jo. Now then, pop this in here, like that. (He slots the circuit into the box.) DOCTOR: Now, as far as I can gather, when you push this button, it should... (The box starts to hum and the light display starts to emanate from it.) DOCTOR: Good grief! It's working! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. AMBULANCE (In the ambulance, the GUERILLA is bathed in the same light display. Watched by an astonished BENTON, he vanishes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CONTROL ROOM (The CONTROLLER stands to one side of the room. Nearby a GIRL TECHNICIAN'S hands seem to hover over the control board. She speaks in an emotionless monotone.) GIRL TECHNICIAN: Sir? CONTROLLER: What is it? GIRL TECHNICIAN: Time transmitter in operation, sir. Twentieth Century Zone. (The CONTROLLER is instantly alert.) CONTROLLER: Can you fix the space-time coordinates? GIRL TECHNICIAN: I'm trying, sir, but it's very faint and erratic. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The time machine shakes in the DOCTOR'S hand as he attempts to control it.) JO: Do be careful, Doctor! DOCTOR: All right, Jo, all right. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. CONTROL ROOM CONTROLLER: Well? GIRL TECHNICIAN: No good, sir. There was a transference, I think, but the machine's cut out completely. CONTROLLER: (Angrily.) Continue scanning - and next time you had better be more efficient! (He walks over to his chair and looks over to an open archway. Within a familiar looking being waits for him - a gold coloured DALEK!) CHIEF DALEK: Report! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR looks over the now dormant time machine.) DOCTOR: Well, the thing's completely dead now. JO: But it was working. DOCTOR: Yeah, it started to work... (He opens the unit and looks over the circuitry.) DOCTOR: Ah, I see, yeah. Yes, the temporal feedback circuit has overloaded. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: The what's done what? DOCTOR: In your terms, Brigadier, the thing's blown a fuse! (A phone buzzes. The BRIGADIER mouths to the DOCTOR if he minds him using it.) DOCTOR: Please. (The BRIGADIER picks up the phone while the DOCTOR and JO look over the miniature dematerialisation circuit.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into phone.) Lethbridge-Stewart? (He listens.) Yes, Sergeant. (Listens.) Really? (Listens.) You're sure? (Listens.) Yes, I see. All right, sergeant. You'd better report back to Captain Yates. Goodbye. (He puts the phone down.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: That was Benton. He was in the ambulance with the man we found. DOCTOR: Well? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well according to him, that man just...vanished, faded away - like a ghost. JO: Oh no! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, Doctor, what now? DOCTOR: Well, everything that happens seems to centre round Styles' house. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Obviously. DOCTOR: And whoever tried to harm him will probably try again. (He considers, then...) DOCTOR: Jo, how would you like to spend the night in a haunted house? (A non-too pleased JO looks at the BRIGADIER.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. AUDERLY HOUSE (NIGHT) (Auderley House sits in semi-darkness. A crow and an owl can be heard nearby. The only lights in the house come from the study.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (NIGHT) (Within, a very nervous JO runs over to the French window and shuts and locks them firmly. The study door opens and the DOCTOR enters, carrying a tray on which rests a bottle of wine, two glasses and a cheese.) DOCTOR: You know, one thing you can be certain of with politicians, is that whatever their political ideas, they always keep a well-stocked larder - not to mention the cellar! (He sits down on a leather settee and puts the tray down.) JO: Doctor, ought you just to help yourself like that? DOCTOR: Well, you heard what Miss Paget said, Jo. We were to treat the place as our own. JO: I wish you hadn't sent all the servants away. DOCTOR: That's commonsense. You can't expect a ghost to walk in a house full of people, can you? Come on, tuck in. (He starts to cut himself a piece of cheese.) JO: Well, I'm not really hungry, thank you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well you ought to eat something, you know. This is likely to be a very long night. (JO sits next to him but jumps up almost immediately as she hears a bell tolling. The DOCTOR tucks into the cheese.) JO: What's that? DOCTOR: It's a clock chiming. I say, you really ought to try this gorgonzola cheese. It's absolutely delicious. (JO, however, cannot settle and paces the room, constantly on the alert.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. AUDERLY HOUSE (NIGHT) (A patrol of soldiers run past the house, harangued by SERGEANT BENTON.) SERGEANT BENTON: Move! (They go past CAPTAIN YATES who stands next to a jeep, radio in hand. BENTON goes over to him.) CAPTAIN YATES: (Into radio.) Hello? Hello? Greyhound to trap one. Greyhound to trap one. How do you read me, over? SERGEANT BENTON: All the lads are in position, sir. CAPTAIN YATES: Thank you, Benton. Quiet so far? SERGEANT BENTON: Like a morgue. [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. TUNNEL AREA (NIGHT) (Not far away, in the tunnel under the railway bridge, the light display from one of the time machines starts to appear...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (NIGHT) (JO is still nervously pacing the room as the DOCTOR, sprawled on the settee, smells and then tastes a glass of wine.) DOCTOR: Yes...yes, that's a most good-humoured wine. A touch sardonic perhaps, but not cynical! Yes, a most civilised wine. One after my own heart. (JO walks into the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. HALLWAY (NIGHT) (The ticking of the grandfather clock is the only sound she can hear. She steps onto the staircase landing and looks round. Hearing a noise, she spins round. SERGEANT BENTON steps out of the darkness.) SERGEANT BENTON: Everything all right, miss? JO: It was until you came along! You took years off my life creeping about like that! SERGEANT BENTON: Well, I didn't want to disturb the Doc. (Whispers.) What's he up to? JO: Well, at the moment, he's carrying on rather like a one-man food and wine society. SERGEANT BENTON: Oh, talking of food, you, er, you couldn't get us a bite to eat, could you, miss? I'm famished! JO: Hang on. (JO goes back into the study.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (NIGHT) (Smiling, she picks up the plate of cheese and a glass of wine and starts to walk out. The DOCTOR watches her go.) DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) Jo? JO: All in a good cause. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. HALLWAY (NIGHT) (She passes the items to BENTON.) SERGEANT BENTON: Ah, you've saved my life. (He cuts a piece of cheese and is about to eat it when...) CAPTAIN YATES: (OOV.) Sergeant Benton! SERGEANT BENTON: Sir! (With a look of pain on his face, BENTON hurriedly passes the items back to JO and stands to attention just before CAPTAIN YATES walks into the hallway.) CAPTAIN YATES: Just what do you think you're up to, Benton? SERGEANT BENTON: Er, I...was just checking, sir. CAPTAIN YATES: Yes, well I want you to go and check on number three patrol. Move, Sergeant Benton. SERGEANT BENTON: Sir. (He leaves. CAPTAIN YATES spots the plate and glass.) CAPTAIN YATES: Jo, how thoughtful! (He takes the glass and has a large swig of the wine, then hands it back.) JO: Well, that wasn't very kind of you. (YATES takes a piece of cheese.) CAPTAIN YATES: RHIP, Jo. JO: Pardon? CAPTAIN YATES: Rank Has Its Privileges. Thank you. (He walks off and JO goes back into the study.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (NIGHT) DOCTOR: And what was all that about? JO: (Smiles.) Feeding the troops. (She puts the plate and glass down and sits next to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Oh, quite right. Do you know, I remember saying to old Napoleon, "Boney", I said, "Always remember - an army marches on its stomach". JO: Well, Mike Yates certainly does. Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? JO: You didn't mean what you said to the Brigadier - about...ghosts? DOCTOR: Well, there are many different kinds of ghosts, Jo. Ghosts from the past and ghosts from the future. JO: Well what kind did you have in mind? DOCTOR: What's more to the point is - have they got us in mind? (The wind blows and the French windows open. JO jumps up.) DOCTOR: Just the wind. (The DOCTOR gets up and closes them.) DOCTOR: Look, why don't you take a nap? [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. TUNNEL AREA (NIGHT) (The light display in the tunnel appears again and, within it, three figures materialises - a woman and two men. They are dressed in the same combat gear as the GUERILLA. One of the men, SHURA, starts to walk off but the woman - ANAT holds him back.) ANAT: We'll wait here till it's light. SHURA: Time we... ANAT: (Interrupts.) I said we'll wait! [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. HALLWAY (The next morning, the clock continues to tick in the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (JO is asleep in a leather armchair. The DOCTOR fiddles with the small time machine and then checks his watch. He goes over to JO and taps her.) DOCTOR: Wake up, Jo. (JO wakes up with a start.) DOCTOR: It's all right. It's morning. JO: Nothing's happened? DOCTOR: No, nothing at all. (He goes to the window and opens the curtain. Daylight floods the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. TUNNEL AREA (Two UNIT soldiers on patrol walk along the canal bank and towards the railway bridge and tunnel. The three Guerillas have pressed themselves against the brick support of the bridge in hiding. As the soldiers get nearer, SHURA steps out of hiding and raises his blaster. He fires, there is a flare and the two soldiers fade away in nothingness. The three Guerillas move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. UNIT HQ. DUTY ROOM (A female RADIO OPERATOR yawns at her set. Two other operatives are at another set. The door to the room opens and a slightly dishevelled BRIGADIER walks into the room.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Any chance of a cup of coffee? U.N.I.T. RADIO OPERATOR: The canteen's closed, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: It would be. (He starts to walk out.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Anything? U.N.I.T. RADIO OPERATOR: Not a murmur, sir, all night. (As he goes into the corridor, the radio bursts into life with a loud klaxon-like alarm.) U.N.I.T. RADIO OPERATOR: It's Geneva, sir. 1st VOICE: (Over radio.) Emergency! Emergency! Emergency to all UNIT national HQ's - stand by for a special announcement. (The BRIGADIER comes back in and stands over the radio.) 2nd VOICE: (Over radio.) Here is the latest official report: the international situation is growing steadily worse. War now seems inevitable. As yet, there is no further news of Sir Reginald Styles, who has flown to Peking in a last minute attempt to persuade the Chinese to con...reconsider their withdrawal. 1st VOICE: (Over radio.) Observation satellites report troops massing along the Russian-Chinese frontier. In South America and Southern Asia, reports say fighting has already broken out in many regions. All UNIT personnel are hereby placed in maximum alert! [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (The DOCTOR is again making adjustments to the time machine. He puts the set down and it starts to hum.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: EXT. AUDERLY HOUSE (The DOCTOR can be seen through the open French window and he walks across the room.) DOCTOR: Jo! Jo! (In the shrubbery, the three Guerillas arrive and crouch down. SHURA takes aim with his blaster at the figure.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (The DOCTOR pours himself a drink from a table next to the French window and then steps away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: EXT. AUDERLY HOUSE (His target having moved, SHURA lowers his blaster. ANAT signals to him to move and he starts to run towards the house. ANAT and the third Guerilla - BOAZ - then run in another direction but also towards the house. SHURA reaches the house, checks round and then enters the study.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. AUDERLY HOUSE. STUDY (He looks round the empty room. He quickly spots the humming time machine and puts his blaster down. He walks towards the machine but is interrupted when the DOCTOR, glass in hand, enters the room. SHURA runs at him but the DOCTOR casually gives him an Akido punch to the stomach and then a chop to the neck. As SHURA falls to the ground, the DOCTOR takes a sip of his drink. He walks over to the settee and puts his glass down on the table as SHURA gets up and runs at him again. The DOCTOR grabs him and throws him over onto the settee. SHURA tries to get up but the DOCTOR places a nerve hold on his chest and the Guerilla lies back helpless.) SHURA: Please! Turn that machine off - or they'll kill all of us! Please! [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. CONTROL ROOM (The GIRL TECHNICIAN at her station picks up the signal.) GIRL TECHNICIAN: Sir? CONTROLLER: Yes? GIRL TECHNICIAN: We've picked up that time transmitter again. CONTROLLER: You're sure? (He steps over to her.) GIRL TECHNICIAN: Yes, sir. Same frequency, same time...time zone. Much stronger now. CONTROLLER: Right. I want the exact space-time co-ordinates so whatever happens, don't lose it! (He steps over to his chair.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. DALEKS CHAMBER (His image appears on a screen high up on the wall in the DALEKS metallic chamber. Two grey DALEKS are in here together with the gold coloured CHIEF DALEK.) CONTROLLER: (On monitor.) We have a fix on the time transfer device. It is operating again in the twentieth century time zone and it must be them. CHIEF DALEK: You have obtained the space-time co-ordinates? CONTROLLER: (On monitor.) We're trying now. The trace is much stronger this time. There is every chance... CHIEF DALEK: (Interrupts.) You must not fail! CONTROLLER: (On monitor.) Security forces are standing by. If we do get the co-ordinates, what are your instructions? CHIEF DALEK: Whoever is operating the time machine is an enemy of the Daleks. All enemies of the Daleks must be destroyed! Exterminate them! (The three DALEKS start to chant...) DALEKS: Exterminate them! Exterminate them! Exterminate them!

When someone tries to assassinate diplomat Sir Reginald Styles, UNIT investigate the possibility his attacker came from the future.

fd_Charmed_02x22

fd_Charmed_02x22_0

Teleplay by: Brad Kern, Zack Estrin and Chris Levinson Story by: Brad Kern [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Council. It is dark and foggy. There are five hooded men standing in a circle and a dragon warlock standing in the middle. There is a genie bottle on the ground next to him.] Council #1: Council will remind you of the heavy losses emanating from this San Francisco. From what we have learned all of the witches there have been turned. Dragon Warlock: I descend from a long line of Dragon Warlocks. When my father died, he left me two things. The power of flight and the passion and hatred of those who killed him witches. And I will not rest until I put all witches to rest. Council #2: The council is intrigued. However, all who have used force of these witches before have failed. Council #3: There is another way. (The man clicks his fingers and smoke blows out of the bottle. A male genie appears.) Dragon Warlock: A genie? You can't be serious. Council #3: Tell them what you told me. Genie: Well, actually that was kind of a just between you and me kind of thing. Council #3: Tell it! Genie: Right. Well, personally I think that the best way to destroy witches is not to treat them like witches at all. You treat them like humans. Most of your evil doers, naughty types, think it's best to deprive humans of what they desire. No. You wanna get them, you give them exactly what they desire. You grant them their wishes, it'll lead to their undoing. Council #2: We don't know that. He's a genie. Council #3: If council agrees how do we proceed? Genie: Just make sure that the bottle cross paths with the witches and let el Genie grande, take it from there. Dragon Warlock: With all due respect, Genie's only work for themselves. If he grants them three wishes, he goes free. How do you know that he won't betray you? Councillor#1: Remember, getting your freedom does not make you free from us. Councillor # 2: As long as you are a Genie we can find you anytime, anywhere. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Piper and Leo are there. Phoebe is groaning while Piper is bandaging up her ankle.] Phoebe: Check my to do list. It says bank, dry cleaners, pedicure. No where on the list does it say kick box a beast. Just walking along, minding my own business and wham!' it was like a random attack, a demonic drive-by. Piper: Nothing in our lives is random anymore. Phoebe: You know, we keep saying that but what does it really mean? Is there some kind of cosmic order to all this? Are we on some kind of list? And if so, how many points are we worth? Leo: Phoebe Phoebe: What? We've had a great year, we've wiped out a tonne of nasties. I just wanna know if we've tripped some supernatural alarm or anything. Owie! And are we ever gonna learn what it really means? Leo: Well, not to sound all whitelightery but everything happens in its own time. You can't rush what's to be. Piper: Okay, how about what already is. Dan is back in town. Leo: So? Piper: So what am I gonna tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's gonna expect a reaction from me. Phoebe: How about "Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac." Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe: Ow! Why does everyone always Phoebe me? (Prue walks in.) Prue: Hey. Piper: Where are you off to? Prue: Lunch date with Dick. Phoebe: Dull Dick? Prue, you are too hot to have to duty date. Prue: Yeah, well, all demon hunting and no play has made me a lot less picky. I gotta figure out a way to put some more balance in my life. Piper: Yeah, but you don't need Dick. (Prue, Phoebe and Leo smile.) What I mean is you should be excited to see the guy you're dating. You look like you're off to the inquisition. Prue: It's not that bad. Piper: Okay, I have to go open the club. Are you gonna be alright, Pheebs? (Piper stands up.) Phoebe: Yes. (Leo helps Phoebe up.) Thanks Leo. I'm gonna take a walk and try to loosen up my ankle. (They walk into the foyer and open the door. There is a box sitting on the doorstep. Prue picks it up.) What is that? Prue: I don't know. (Prue opens the lid.) Piper: Somebody got a secret admirer? (Piper takes a bottle out of the box.) Phoebe: Eww, it's so dusty. Who would send us something so dusty? (Phoebe rubs the bottle, the lid flies off and the genie appears.) Genie: Your wish is my command. (They stand there in awe.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Living room. Everyone's there including the Genie.] Phoebe: I don't get it. You've been stuck in that bottle for 200 years, someone finally sends you to us and you have no idea who licked the stamp? I kinda find that hard to believe. Prue: What, and a genie man standing in our living room wearing that offering to each grant a wish isn't? Genie: Well, I don't get it. You win the lotto and you're asking for explanations? Piper: Actually, we'd just like to know who to send the thank you note to. Genie: All I know is that you rubbed and now I serve. Oh, look at that. Mmm. Snacks. (He walks over to the table and picks up a peanut.) What I wouldn't give to taste food just once. Smell it even. Leo: I don't trust him. Genie's are tricksters by nature. They can and will do anything just to be freed. Genie: What are you the butler? Come on, everybody's got wishes. I mean, most people spend their entire lives with their wishes never coming true. Here's your chance. Phoebe: No way is this legit. Genie: Oh, you don't think so? Well, I'll tell you what is. I stay until I grant three wishes. One from each of you, those are the rules. No wishes, permanent house guest. And I snore, I make house calls I can't even pay for, you think I'm gonna be putting the CD's back in the right case? No. Alright, talk amongst5 yourselves, I'll be over here, alright. I have a hunch that I'm going to be here for a while. It's a nice house. (He walks into another room.) Prue: He's enjoying this. Piper: Alright, Leo, what else do you know about Genies? Leo: Well, the good thing is they're not evil by nature, they can't harm you unless you wish for something. (The genie is in the other room throwing a vase up in the air.) Prue: Well, I mean, what is so dangerous about a wish? Leo: Well, with genie's there's always a catch, an unseen consequence. For example, say a man wishes for a car, the next day his dad'll die and he'll inherit a car. Piper: So as long as we don't wish... Leo: You're free and clear. Prue: Clear enough to make a lunch date? Phoebe: If what Leo says goes, you two go on ahead. Leave the genie with the cripple, I'm not really in a wishing mood. (Prue kisses her on the cheek.) Prue: Thank you gimp. (She leaves.) Piper: You sure? Phoebe: Yeah, I'll look through the Book and see if we can UPS him back to wherever he came from. Piper: Alright. (Leo and Piper leave the room. The genie comes back in.) Genie: So, uh, what's it gonna be, master? [Scene: Cafe Le Blue. Prue is there with Dick. They are looking at menus.] Prue: So, um, have you been here before? Dick: Oh, it's close to the office. I don't like to take long lunches. Prue: What's good? Dick: Caesar's fine, pasta's fine, fish is fine, steak is... Prue: Fine. Dick: Yeah, actually, how'd you know? Prue: Wild guess. (mumbles behind the menu) What have I gotten myself into? (The genie appears really tiny and stands on the top of Dick's menu.) Genie: Hey, Dick. (The genie jumps in Dick's mouth and goes down his throat. Dick then starts acting like the genie. Dick dips his fingers in the butter.) Dick: Don't you just love butter? Oh, creamy goodness, to your health. (He licks off the butter.) Prue: Ah, Dick, are you... Dick: Sick and tired of trying to pass myself off of being half way worthy of dating you. You betcha. Look, you and I both know I'm dull as mud. I can't help it. I know who I am. I know I'm not the guy you're looking for. Prue: I... Dick: The question is what are you looking for? I mean come on, how did we make it to date three and you really know I'm not the guy. Prue: I don't know, you know, I mean, at this point I feel like dating's kind of a job, you know. I mean, you get none but you feel like it's your duty to stay out there. I just want to feel excited by love again. I wish it was like it the first time. Dick: Your wish is my command. (He clicks his fingers and you hear a chime.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe's flipping through the Book Of Shadows. Genie appears.] Genie: Hi. How about great fortune? You want that? Phoebe: After taxes, not worth it. Genie: No? Land, power, beauty? Phoebe: Nope. Genie: Okay, who am I kidding? Phoebe: Why are you not in this book? Genie: Because the only way to get rid of me is to make three wishes. Come on, large or small. I do all kinds. Only no world peace, I can't do that. Phoebe: The fine print of wishing. Your job has its limitations. Genie: Yeah, well, so does yours. (He looks at her foot.) Phoebe: Occupational hazard. Genie: Mmm hmm. Doesn't have to be. You could wish to be as powerful as you want. (She thinks about it for a second.) Phoebe: Nope, nope, I-I am not interested in that. Genie: Oh, not interested, not interested in absolute power. You're a rocket scientist. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Piper and Leo are sitting at a table.] Piper: I mean, poor Dan. It would be so much easier if I could be honest with him but other than saying 'Leo is a whitelighter' what am I gonna tell him? Leo: What more does he need to know? Piper: Well, maybe it's about what I need to know. I mean, you've been watching me my whole life and I don't even know where you spend yours. Leo: If there's anything you wanna know... Piper: It's not exactly about knowing, it's more about experiencing and experiencing it with you. I mean, I have no idea where you go when you orb out. Do you have a house? Friends? A CD player? (Leo smiles.) Leo: It's not really like that. (Dan walks in.) Piper: Dan. Dan: You have got to be kidding me. (He starts to leave.) Piper: Uh, uh, wait. (She stands up and walks over to him.) I think it's time we talked. Dan: I don't think there's anything to talk about, Piper. (The genie appears near by.) It's your life. Piper: Uh, Leo, can you give us a second please? Leo: Yeah, yeah. (Leo walks away.) Dan: What do you expect from me? I really like to know because at this point I really don't know what to expect from you. I mean, how can you be with this guy after everything I found out about him. He's a fraud. Piper: Dan, I know who Leo is. I always have. Dan: What? Piper: It's not that I don't appreciate everything you... Dan: Wait, I've spent all this time worrying about you, worrying about who he is and you've known all along? Piper: Well, uh, it's very complicated. Dan: Complicated. Complicated. (He leaves. Leo comes back.) Piper: He's right, he deserves to know but what am I gonna tell him, what am I gonna do? I wish there was somehow he could just move on with his life. Genie: Your wish is my command. (He clicks his fingers and disappears.) [Cut to the attic. Phoebe's sitting in a chair reading a book. The genie appears right next to Phoebe and scares her.] Phoebe: Do not do that. Genie: Is that a wish? Phoebe: No, it is not a wish. Genie: So, figure out how to get rid of me yet? Phoebe: Yeah, all I have to do is get you back in the bottle. I have no idea how to do that but I will figure it out. Genie: Well, wish and it will be so. Otherwise your only shot is if I volunteered to leave willingly and, uh, news flash, (he sits on the footstool where Phoebe's foot is resting and he hits her ankle) that's not gonna happen. Phoebe: Oww! Genie: I'm sorry. Look, could you stop trying to banish me just long enough for me to try a little something on you. It's-it's-it's wish free. (The genie starts massaging her foot.) Phoebe: Ow, ow, ow. Wow, ooh, oh. How'd you learn how to do that? Genie: Little something a Sultan taught me. Phoebe: Um, just out of curiosity, what would you wish for yourself? I mean, you must of heard them all, right? So what would be your wish? Genie: That's easy. I wish for the little things, you know. Things people take for granted. I mean, the feeling of a sun tan, taste of ice cream, preferably chocolate. s*x. That looks like that could be a little bit of fun. To be human. Yeah, that's what I'd wish for. So what did you do to yourself here? Phoebe: I was demon dueling. One of my kicks was a little off centre. Genie: So, uh, did you finish them off with your scary witchy power? Phoebe: No, that, that is my power. Genie: That's it? Phoebe: That and premonitions. Genie: You're a witch with no real powers? I mean, no, you know, premonitions, those are, those are great but... Phoebe: I know, I know. I mean, I would love an active power but what can you do? (The genie stands up.) Genie: You just done it. (Phoebe throws down the book, stands up and covers her mouth.) And I know exactly where to get one. Phoebe: Was that a...? Genie: A wish? Yeah, yeah it was. (He clicks his fingers and a choker disappears from around his neck.) And that's three and I'm free. Phoebe: Three? That wasn't even one. Genie: That's three. I'm gone. (He starts leaving.) Phoebe: Okay, if you're free then where's my power? (He leaves.) Hello? Ge... [Cut to outside. Piper and Leo pull up in the car. Next door, Dan is talking to a real estate guy. He has a for sale sign on his lawn. Piper and Leo get out of the car.] Piper: Um, I'll be right back. (She walks next door.) Dan: Well, thank you very much for your time. I appreciate it. (They shake hands and the real estate guy leaves.) Piper: What's going on? Dan: I, uh, I got a job offer in Portland. I just thought I'd take it. Piper: Just like that? Dan: I just think it's time that I move on with my life, don't you? Look, I, uh, I really gotta go. Piper: Right. (Dan goes inside. Piper walks back over to Leo.) Something's not right. Leo: Well, it's probably for the best. Piper: No, something he said when I asked... (You hear Prue's car screeching down the street. Prue slams on the brakes and stops in front of the house. Prue gets out. She has a fringe and is wearing braces.) Prue: Hey. (She runs up the stairs.) Piper, check it out. So the valet guy said that this cool ride is mine. Can you believe it? Ooh, who's the cute boy? Piper: Prue? Prue: Hey, are you okay? I mean, don't take this the wrong way but you're looking kinda... old. Piper: And and you're back in braces. (Piper and Leo look at each other.) Phoebe: (from upstairs) Help! Is anyone home? Prue? Piper? [Cut to the attic. Piper, Leo and Prue walk in.] Leo: Phoebe? Phoebe: I'm up here. (Phoebe is floating up in the air.) I can't get down. I don't know how I got up. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo's floating in the air and helping Phoebe down.] Leo: I've got you. Phoebe: Thank you, Leo. Leo: No problem. (They land on the ground.) Prue: That is so totally cool. So do I get that power when I get old too? Piper: Alright, let's get something straight. We are not old, we are just older than you are right now for some reason. Phoebe: Wait a minute. Exactly how old are you? Prue: Seventeen. Piper: Seventeen? Prue was a nightmare at that age. Why would she wish for that? Leo: She probably didn't. She probably only wished for something she could only get by being seventeen. Which explains why she has no memory of being older. Phoebe: Yeah, but how is that even possible? I mean, it's so... (She starts floating again and Leo holds her arms.) Leo: Alright, you know what? How about you just keep your arms down until you learn how to work the controls. Phoebe: Got it. Good idea. Piper: (to Prue) Are you sure you don't remember anything about witches? Genies? Dick? Prue: No, but it sounds totally bitchin'. This is such a cool book. What is it? (She starts flipping the pages.) Piper: I'll tell you when you're older. Let go of it. Stop it. Stop it. Leo: You guys have another problem. At seventeen, Prue didn't have her powers yet which makes you guys more vulnerable. Phoebe: Yeah, especially if whoever sent the genie is a demon or something. (You hear the front door fly open from downstairs.) Dragon Warlock: Where's my power? I want it back. Phoebe: Who is that? Piper: A demon or something. (to Prue) You stay here. Phoebe: You stay. (Leo, Piper and Phoebe walk half way down the stairs.) Leo: Remember what I told you about wishes and strings attached? That genie gave you a power but he must of stolen it from him. Piper: So are we thinking demon or warlock? Phoebe: I don't know. (Prue comes down the stairs.) Prue: Oh my God, who's the hottie? Piper: Oh my God, get her out of here now. Go. (Leo takes her back upstairs. The dragon warlock breathes fire at them and Piper freezes it and him.) Okay. Phoebe: Okay, okay, alright. (Phoebe hops down the stairs with Piper's help.) Piper: Easy. Phoebe: Okay, now what? Piper: Well, we can't vanquish him if we don't know what he is. Phoebe: So why don't I just fly him outta here and dump him somewhere. Piper: I don't know, can you do that? Phoebe: I have no idea but I can try to do that. I mean, I've always wanted an active power, right? Piper: Uh huh. Phoebe: So let's see what it can do. Piper: Alright. Phoebe: Alright. (Phoebe raises her arms and she starts flying. She grabs the dragon warlock, he unfreezes and she flies outside.) Piper: Phoebe? (Phoebe flies above a park and drops him.) [Cut to the attic. Piper's there looking in the book. Leo walks in.] Leo: Your new little sister's in the bedroom checking out the clothes. Piper: Nice to see some things never change. Uh, I think I found our fire breather. (Phoebe flies past the window.) Phoebe: Uh, guys? Leo: (reading from the book) Dragon Warlock... (Piper looks behind her but is not sure where the noise is coming from.) Most feared witch killer there is. He can fly, breathe fire, (Phoebe flies past another window. Piper looks outside again but sees nothing.) has supernatural strength. You're gonna need the power of three to vanquish him. Piper: Which we don't have right now. (She starts walking towards the window.) If I ever find that genie again, I'm gonna wish him into oblivion. (Phoebe flies past the window again yelling.) Did you hear that? Leo: Hear what? (Suddenly, Phoebe flies straight towards the window and crashes through it. She slides across the floor. Her hair is all messed up.) Piper: Oh my God, are you alright? Phoebe: Uh huh. (Piper helps her up.) Piper: Alright. Phoebe: I'm great. Piper: Okay, alright, oh, oh, alright. Phoebe: Flying's awesome, it's the landing part that's a bitch. Piper: Yeah. Alright, Leo, how do we fix this? Phoebe: Oh, I know how to fix it. According to the book we've gotta get the genie back into the bottle. It's the only way to undo the wishes and make everything back to normal. Leo: Yeah, but first we gotta find him and we don't even known where to start. Phoebe: Well, he's really got a thing for food. Maybe he went back to that cafe where he found Prue. Leo: It's worth a try. [Scene: Cafe. The genie is there sitting at a table and shoving food in his mouth. Leo and Piper are near by. Piper freezes him and the restaurant and they walk over to him.] Piper: This guy's not a genie, he's a pig. (She unfreezes him.) Hi. Wanna know what I'm wishing for now? Genie: Look, uh, you're probably a little bit upset, huh? Piper: No, I've moved past upset and straight to pissed off. You tricked us and now there's a warlock that's trying to turn us into witch kebabs. Genie: Warlock? What warlock? Leo: A dragon warlock. The one you stole the flying power from. You remember him? Genie: Wow, he came already? Wait a second. How did he know where to look for it? Piper: I don't know, you tell us. Genie: Well, I didn't tell him. Look, they probably just tracked it somehow, that's all, I don't know. We're not partners. I got this gig on my own. Leo: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Gig? So somebody did send you. Who was it? Genie: Well, you see that's it, that's part of the genie client privilege thing. I couldn't possibly tell. Yeah, plus that and they'll kill me. Piper: They're gonna have to wait in line. Alright, let's go. (He picks up some food.) Put that down. Genie: Alright, just one more. Piper: Let's go. No. Put that down. Genie: You know, you are a real kill joy. Piper: You know what? You're going right back in that bottle, buddy. (The genie disappears.) What happened? Where did he go? I thought you said free genie's don't have powers. Leo: They don't. It's somebody who does must of wanted him badly. [Scene: At the Council. The Council, the dragon warlock and the genie are there.] Council #3: It has come to our attention that you have violated our pact. You accuser will speak. Dragon Warlock: He used the Halliwells' wishes not to destroy them but to free himself from his bottle. Council #1: What do you say to this charge? Genie: It was all part of the master plan, alright. And those witches would be dead right now if puff over here hadn't screwed everything up. Dragon Warlock: Screwed everything up? (He grabs the genie's clothes.) You stole a power from me. Genie: Borrowed, okay, the term is borrowed. And I knew (the dragon warlock lets go of his shirt) that it would, that it would piss you off so bad that you would be that that mush more motivated to get out there and kill you some witches, right? Council #2: But you plan failed. The dragon's attack was thwarted. Genie: Look, you don't go after the witches with powers, you go after the one without. [Scene: Manor. Prue's room. Prue's there sitting on the bed. She's wearing a black low-cut blouse and a mini silver skirt. She opens up her purse and pulls out some money. She gets all excited, grabs her bag and coat and climbs out the window.] [Cut to downstairs. The phone's ringing. Phoebe answers it.] Phoebe: Hello? Morris: When I first got the call, I naturally dismissed as a crank. But I realised it was Deputy Marrow on the other end. Phoebe: Okay, Darryl, can you speed this up because I'm kinda busy right now. Morris: What, flying? (There's silence.) Now, see I've learned to interpret those pauses as admission. Phoebe: What did he see? Morris: Actually it was his wife. She swore she saw a brown hair, young woman fly over the house earlier... without a plane. Phoebe: How about a broomstick? Morris: Phoebe, this isn't funny. Just the fact that a call like that got brought up to me gives you some idea of the pressure that I'm under here. Piper: (from other room) Phoebe? Phoebe: In here. (to Morris) Okay, Darryl, I'm really sorry okay, it won't happen again but I gotta go, bye, bye, bye. (Piper and Leo walk in.) You didn't find the genie? Piper: We did but then we lost him. Where's Prue? Phoebe: Upstairs, reminding me what a pain she was at seventeen. Piper: Now you know why she was lucky to make it to eighteen. Leo: Why? What do you mean? Phoebe: Well, you remember it better than I do. Piper: It was Prue's rebellious stage. She thought everything bad was good, especially the guy she thought she was in love with. Phoebe: Until he attacked her. Leo: What? Piper: And Grams went crazy when she found out. Come to think of it, that guy disappeared not too long after that. You don't suppose Grams... (the doorbell rings) I'll get it. You go watch Prue. (Phoebe goes upstairs. Piper opens the door and a really old man is standing there.) Can I help you? Man: Piper, why the hell is this happening to me? (Phoebe comes back downstairs.) Phoebe: Prue snuck out of her window, we have to go find her. Piper: Phoebe, that's Dan. [Scene: Prue's driving along in her car. She has the radio on. She checks herself out in the mirror and then sees the dragon warlock standing in the middle of the road. She slams on the breaks. He walks up to the car.] Dragon Warlock: How about a lift? (She smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue's room. Piper's trying to call Prue. Phoebe's touching things trying to get a premonition.] Piper: She's not answering. Phoebe: Well, maybe she doesn't know how. Were there even cell phones ten years ago? Piper: She knows what a ringing phone sounds like doesn't she? Phoebe: Maybe I should fly around and see if I can spot her car. Piper: You'll never be able to find it. You have a hard enough time controlling your power in the day time let alone at night. Phoebe: Why can't I get a premonition when I want to? If I had one wish right now, that's what it would be. Piper: At least your wish isn't hurting anyone. Look what mine did. Phoebe: That's not your fault. Piper: How can it not be? Dan is aging because I wished for him to move on with his life. He would be fine if it wasn't for me. It's not fair, he doesn't deserve this. It's bad enough the wishes are biting us in the ass but not him. This shouldn't be happening to him. Phoebe: We have to find the genie. It's the only way to save Dan... and Prue. [Scene: Golden Gate Park. Prue is parked there. Prue and the dragon warlock are sitting in the car. Music is playing softly on the radio.] Prue: So, um, what you, you don't have a name? Dragon Warlock: I go by a lot of names. Depends where I am. Prue: So why are my sisters scared of you? Why did you come to our house tonight? Dragon Warlock: Because they have something that I want. Something's that mine. Are you scared of me? (Prue laughs.) Prue: No. (They kiss. The phone rings and Prue picks it up of the dashboard.) God, it's ringing again. How do you turn it off? (The dragon warlock presses a button. They continue kissing and he gets a bit rough.) Easy. Okay, hey, hey, hey. Easy. (He grabs her around the neck and his eyes glow red.) Dragon Warlock: (In a demonic voice) Are you scared of me now? (She screams and opens the car door. She runs away. The dragon warlock gets out of the car and the genie walks up to him.) Won't be too long before she calls her sisters to come rescue her. It's the perfect trap. Genie: You didn't hurt her did ya? Because I thought I heard screams. Dragon Warlock: You've spent too much time with humans already. Developing a conscience. (He grabs the genie around the neck.) If you want your freedom, you do exactly as I say. You understand? Genie: Absolutely. Dragon Warlock: Hmm mmm. (He lets go of the genie and walks off.) [Scene: Manor. Living room. Dan's on the couch. Piper and Leo walk in. Leo sits on the end of the couch and kneels on the floor.] Piper: Dan, I'm so sorry. Dan: I don't understand. Piper: This is going to be hard for me to explain and even harder for you to believe. We're witches. Prue, Phoebe and myself. And not your everyday kind of witches. We have supernatural powers that we use to fight off... (she pauses and looks at Leo) demons and warlocks. You know all the family emergencies that I used to have? Um, I never told you before because I didn't want you to be hurt because of it. I didn't want something like this to happen to you. Leo: And I'm the same Leo Wyatt that died in 1942. I'm a Whitelighter, a guardian angel for witches. Dan: Yeah, right. (Leo stands up and orbs out and then back in. Piper touches Dan's hand but he pulls it away.) [Cut to Prue's room. Phoebe's there. She picks up Prue's purse off the bed and has a premonition of the genie's bottle falling under the chair.] [Cut to the foyer. Phoebe comes down the stairs.] Phoebe: Piper! (Piper and Leo walk out of the living room.) I just had a premonition. I have no idea what it means... (The phone rings. Piper answers it.) Piper: Hello? [Cut to Prue. She's hiding in the bushes, talking on her cell phone. She's breathing heavily and crying.] Prue: Piper, thank God, you have to help me. [Cut back to the manor.] Piper: Prue? Phoebe: Where is she? [Cut back to Prue.] Prue: Piper, he's trying to kill me... dragon... he's trying to kill me and I don't think he's human. Piper: Okay, calm down. Uh, where is he now? Prue: I don't know. I think he's, he's following me. You have to come quick. Piper: Okay, Prue, where are you? Prue: Golden Gate Park. Piper: Okay, listen to me. Go to the lake where dad used to take us fishing, remember? And hide under the bridge until we get there, okay. Prue: I think he's coming. [Cut back to the manor.] Piper: Prue? Prue? (The phone goes dead.) Phoebe: What? Piper: The dragon's after her. (Piper and Phoebe grab their coats.) Leo: It's a trap, you know it's a trap. Phoebe: It doesn't matter, Leo, we have to go anyway. Leo: Alright, well, at least go with a plan. Try using your new power, fly over head, spot him before he spots you. Piper: Alright. (She kisses Leo in the cheek.) Uh, stay with Dan. We'll be back. Leo: You better be. Piper: We gotta hurry, it's gonna be light soon. (They leave.) [Scene: Golden Gate Park. It's daylight. Phoebe and Piper pull up in the car. They get out.] Piper: Okay, you think you can control the power this time? Phoebe: I'll have to, I have no choice. Alright, I'll spot the dragon, you freeze him. Piper: Then we find Prue and get the hell outta here. Alright, go, fly. (Phoebe raises her arms and she flies up into the air. Prue comes running towards Piper.) Prue: Piper! Piper! Piper! Piper: Prue! (Piper starts running towards her.) Prue: Piper! Piper: No, Prue, shh. Go back! Go, go! (The genie runs out from behind a tree and grabs Piper. The dragon warlock also runs out from behind a tree and grabs Prue.) What are you doing? Let go of me. Genie: I'm sorry. Piper: Let her go! Let go of her damn it! (The dragon warlock pulls out a knife.) Prue: Piper. Piper: No. (The dragon warlock sees Phoebe flying.) Dragon Warlock: Come on. Keep coming. Come and save your little sister. Phoebe: No. Piper: No, no, no, no. (The dragon warlock plunges the knife into Prue's back.) Nooo! (Phoebe flies towards the ground.) Phoebe: Prue! (She lands flat on her stomach on the ground.) Dragon Warlock: Time to get my power back. (He throws Prue on the ground and heads over to Phoebe.) Piper: Let go. (The genie lets go of her, she freezes the dragon warlock and runs over to Prue.) Prue! (Phoebe gets up and runs towards Prue. Piper kneels down next to Prue.) Phoebe: (crying and panicking) Oh my God, oh my God, what do we do, what do we do? Piper: Leo can heal her. I know he can. We just need to get her home. Go get the car, Phoebe, go get the car. Phoebe: Oh my God. (Phoebe runs off.) Genie: Oh my God, what have I done? [Cut to the manor. Phoebe and Piper are carrying Prue through the back door into the kitchen.] Phoebe: Leo! Leo! (Leo comes in. Phoebe and Piper lay Prue on the floor.) Leo: What happened? Piper: Never mind, just heal her. Quickly, come on. (Leo kneels down beside Prue and holds his hands above Prue. His hands glow but doesn't heal Prue.) What's the matter? Why isn't it working? Phoebe: Leo. Leo: I can't heal the dead. (Phoebe and Piper cry harder.) Piper: Yes you can. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Conservatory. Piper and Phoebe are sitting on the chair crying and holding each other. Leo and the genie walk in. Piper and Phoebe stand up.] Phoebe: What the hell is he doing here? Leo: Wait, wait, just hear him out, he may have an idea. Genie: Listen, I'm so sorry. All I ever wanted was my freedom, that's it, that's all that I was thinking about. I'm just a genie... Piper: Get to the point! Leo: He's willing to give up his freedom. Go back in the bottle and return everything to the way it was. Phoebe: Even Prue? Genie: It should. I mean, technically teenage Prue is the one who got killed, not adult Prue. Piper: How do we know this isn't just another trick? Leo: Well, if it gets Prue back you'll have the power of three to vanquish the dragon. What have you got to lose? (Piper and Phoebe look at each other and then Phoebe takes the lid off the genie's bottle.) Phoebe: After you. (The genie claps his hands once and rubs them together. He disappears into the bottle.) Piper: Try to fly. (Phoebe lifts her arms and nothing happens. Phoebe runs in the kitchen and Leo and Piper run in the living room.) [Cut to the kitchen. Prue changes back to an adult.] [Cut to the living room. Dan changes back also.] Piper: Prue. (Leo and Piper head towards the kitchen.) [Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe has Prue's head resting on her lap. Piper and Leo walk in.] Piper: It worked. Dan's... Phoebe: No it didn't. Dan: All it did was turn her back into her adult self, it didn't save her. Piper: Wait, the genie's back in the bottle, so if we can get him out, then we have three more wishes, right? Phoebe: All we need is one. [Cut to the conservatory. Piper comes running in heading towards the bottle. The dragon warlock crashes through the window and pushes Piper on the floor. The bottle gets knocked under a chair like in Phoebe's premonition. Phoebe and Leo come in. Dan comes in from the other room.] Dan: Piper? Phoebe: Dan get down! (The dragon warlock turns around and blows fire at Dan. Dan dives on the floor. Phoebe kicks the dragon warlock in the stomach and he blows fire at her. Leo pulls her out of the way and they crouch around the corner.) Leo: You see where the bottle went? Piper: No, I have no idea. Wait, yeah, in my premonition. You distract him. Leo: Right. (Leo orbs out.) Dragon Warlock: Too bad you don't have my power anymore. (Leo orbs in behind the dragon warlock.) Leo: Hey, dragon breath, over here. (The dragon warlock turns around. Phoebe runs over to the chair and gets the bottle. The dragon warlock blows fire at Leo and he dives out of the way. Phoebe rubs the bottle and the genie appears.) Phoebe: I wish Prue were alive. (The genie clicks his fingers.) Piper, go check on Prue. (Piper goes in kitchen.) Dragon Warlock: Where the hell did you come from? Genie: Oh, no, no, that's where you came from. (Piper and Prue walk in.) Piper, Prue: "The power of three will set us free, the power of three will set us free." (They repeat it two more times. The genie starts flying and heads for the window. He explodes.) [Scene: Outside Dan's house. Piper walks up the stairs and rings the doorbell. Dan answers the door.] Piper: Hi. Dan: Piper, I really don't feel like talking right now. (He starts to close the door.) Piper: Wait, wait, wait. We're gonna have to talk sometime. Dan: No, we don't. I don't know how you expect me to react to your secret but I don't... I'm really sorry you told me. I wish you never did, I wish I never saw what I saw. I never imagined things like that even existed. Piper: Dan... Dan: Please, just go away. I don't wanna know anymore and I don't wanna know anymore about you. (Dan closes the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Phoebe, Leo and the genie are there.] Genie: They call themselves the council and they're scary dudes. Very high up on the evil food chain. It's only gonna be a matter of time before they send somebody looking for you. Prue: Just means we're doing something right if we got their attention. Phoebe: Plus it means that there's some method to this wiccan madness, some greater purpose. It's nice to finally know. Leo: Be careful what you wish for. Phoebe: Oh, I am a reformed wish-a-holic, believe me. I'm in no hurry to get any new powers. Prue: Yeah, besides, the power that you already have is the one that saved the day anyway. Phoebe: I know and I love it. I just have to work on controlling it better. Prue: Yeah, and I'm gonna concentrate on finding Mr. Right, not settling for Dick. (Prue and Phoebe smile.) Genie: Well, speaking of wishes, you still got two left, you know. Prue: Yes, we know and we already know what one of them is if you're up to it that is. We want to make you mortal. Keep you off of the councils radar once and for all. Leo: True freedom. And not just from the bottle although mortality is the consequence. Phoebe: And feelings too. Even the painful ones. Genie: That's okay. I think I'm ready, I'm feeling very sensitive these days. (Piper walks in.) Let me ask you something. Why would you do that for me? I mean especially after I helped kill you. Prue: Yeah, well, you also helped bring me back. And besides, once you're human, we don't have to worry about you tricking us again. Piper: But there's one wish you have to grant first. One that I need. I want Dan to have peace of mind, to forget about all the horrible things that have happened in the last couple of days. About who we all really are. I wish that Dan could truly move on with his life without consequences. Genie: Your wish is my command. (He clicks his fingers and the choker around his neck disappears. Piper walks outside and sees Dan in his front yard picking up the paper. He looks over at Piper and she waves. He waves back and goes inside. The genie comes outside.) Piper: No tricks, right? Genie: No tricks. I promise. I've got no powers. (The genie leaves. Piper walks back inside and Leo, Phoebe and Prue are standing in the foyer.) Prue: Well, that was an interesting couple of days. Phoebe: Interesting couple of years. (The Whitelighters call Leo.) Leo: They're calling me, I've gotta go. Piper: Not so fast. If we're ever gonna make this work I think I deserve to know a little bit more about you, don't you think? Leo: What do you mean? Piper: I mean, I'm going with you, Leo. I'd like to meet 'them'. Leo: Are you sure? Piper: Positive. (Piper puts her arms around him.) Take me to your leader. Phoebe: Uh, Piper? Wh-wh-whatta? Piper: Don't worry, I'll be back. (They orb out.) Phoebe: Worried? I'm not worried, I mean of course they'll be back, right? Prue: Of course, I mean why would we worry? (Prue and Phoebe look at each other, obviously worried. Phoebe walks away. Prue looks at the door, raises her hand and uses her power to close it.)

Tiring of always losing to the Charmed Ones, the Infernal Council decide to send a Genie to destroy them by granting them each a wish. As a result, the sisters soon discover that their wishes come with consequences that could be deadly. It is only after the Genie agrees to undo the wishes do things return to normal that Prue, Piper, and Phoebe are able to vanquish the dragon warlock. To thank the Genie, the sisters agree to grant him a final wish. Piper goes with Leo to meet the Elders.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x06

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x06_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] MAN: What? You got a problem? JULIAN: Yeah. I do. DOCTOR: You have what's called a dissociative fugue disorder. You temporarily become someone else. CLAY: Why is there a kid here? DOCTOR: That's Logan. He lost his parents. NATHAN: Bye, Lydia. WOMAN: Okay, it looks Nathan Scott was on flight 2326 last night. HALEY: You said you lost everything in the fire, so why do you have this? HALEY: What else are you lying about, Dan? Where is Nathan? What did you do to him? WOMAN: 911. What's your emergency? HALEY: I need your help. There's a murderer in my house. MORNING SHOW Millie and Mouth are showing. MOUTH: And so we've heard from a guy who collects records and lives in his parents' basement. Millie, what else is happening locally? MILLICENT: Let's see. Well, Allegedly, Tree Hill cafe was vandalized last night, and, supposedly, it was Karen's cafe owner Brooke Davis. Tree Hill cafe owner Tara Richards is not pressing charges, but would simply like everybody to know that Brooke Davis did it. Allegedly. Okay, not allegedly. Witnesses confirmed it. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke watches the show. MOUTH(at TV): Of course, not all witnesses are reliable. MILLICENT(at TV): Exactly. BROOKE: Unbelievable. That Tara is such a bi... MOUTH(at TV): Okay! Let's move on. What's going on in the world of entertainment these days? BROOKE: Bad person. Hey, you know that mommy was just protecting daddy, right? Right? You guys believe me, don't you? Of course you do. Brooke joins Julian in the kitchen. BROOKE: Hey. JULIAN: Hey. BROOKE: Oh, my God. What happened? JULIAN: It's okay. It's just a bar fight. I slept on the couch. BROOKE: A bar fight? JULLIAN: It doesn't even hurt. BROOKE: Ohh. Let's me see. JULIAN: Okay, it hurts a little. BROOKE: Okay. You should lay down, put some ice on that. I'm gonna call the police on this guy. JULIAN: You can't really do that. BROOKE: Why not? JULIAN: Because I started it. BROOKE: Why would you do that? JULIAN: Because I left our baby in the car. BROOKE: Okay. I guess you finally found the punishment that you've been looking for. Why don't you ask Nathan what happens in bar fights?Did you even think for one second about your family when you did this? JULIAN: That's all I've been thinking about. BROOKE: I was gonna ask you to take the boys to the sitter for me today, but I can't have you going in there and scaring all the kids, so I got it... Again. JULIAN: I can do it. BROOKE: Can you?! Julian, I love you, and I really want to help you move past this, but I do not want to raise two kids by myself. So when you're ready to be a parent again, I could really use the help. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is worried. HALEY: Where are you, Nathan? POLICE STATION The inspector asks some questions to Dan. INSPECTOR:Your daughter-in-law said Nathan wanted you out of the house by the time he returned, but he... Never returned. So, lucky you. DAN: I'm not sure I follow your logic. INSPECTOR: I think you do. Let's talk about the fire at the diner. She said you admitted to burning down your own diner just to get close to them. DAN: And you believe her. INSPECTOR: Well, weren't you involved with a fire like this previously? At your car dealership? DAN: You're right. I lit the dealership fire, almost burning myself to death in the process, just so I'd have an excuse to murder my own brother and serve a full term in jail, get released, get a third-world heart transplant, then write a book, start my own motivational talk show, give up my new found fortune, and move to a remote diner just so I could burn it down and collect the $65,000 insurance policy, then get rid of my son, and move in with his family, who hates me. Nice work, Detective. You caught me. What's it take to be a Tree Hill cop these days? A pen? This is the part where you either charge me or release me. MORNING SHOW The show goes always on. MOUTH: And that is why you should only park in handicap spaces if you're handicapped. Karma, people... look it up. (Mouth receives a note) MOUTH: This can't be right. MILLICENT: What is it? MOUTH: We're just getting initial reports that former NBA player and Tree Hill resident Nathan Scott has been reported missing. Scott, who became a sports agent after retiring from the NBA due to a back injury... NALEY'S HOUSE Haley watches the show. Quinn is with her. HALEY: This is not happening. This can't be. MOUTH(at TV): Where he was scouting potential prospects 128 00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:54,709 for his agency, fortitude. QUINN: Okay. What can I do? Do you want me to take Jamie for the day? HALEY: No. I need to talk to him. Haley enters in the Jamie's bedroom. HALEY: Hey. You okay? JAMIE: Is it dad? Is he okay? HALEY: Actually, I needed to talk to you about that. Um... I know how brave you are, and I know that it's all gonna be okay, but just right now, we're having a little trouble finding your dad. I'm sure that he's fine. He probably just got lost... Or something. We're gonna find him. We're gonna find him. Promise. LOCAL Dmitri talks to Nathan. DMITRI: "O, from this time forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth." CHASE'S LOFT Chase and Tara gets up. CHASE: We should... Burn those sheets. TARA: You mean bronze them, champ. (Tara goes to the bathroom and Chris enters in the loft) CHRIS: Yo, yo! Yeah. What are we doing today? CHASE: Yo! W-what are you doing here? CHRIS: I don't know. I was in the neighborhood. I thought we'd get some food. Well, well! A little "not Alex" action? CHASE: Uh, maybe. And we... we already made plans. CHRIS: Dude, so bail on her. Or better yet, take me with you. Dude, I make dudes look so much better. CHASE: Ah. Come on, Chris. You should... you should really go. CHRIS: Nope. Dude, besides, I want to meet her. CHASE: You know what? You're right. Let's bail. She can find her way out. CHRIS: Wait. Are you serious? CHASE: She doesn't own me. She's just lucky I let her stay the night. That... Tramp. CHRIS: Damn! Dude, you're colder than Chris Keller. HOPITAL CENTRE Clay looks some comics with Logan. LOGAN: Who's that with the claws? CLAY: Dude, you got to know your namesake. That is Wolverine, also known as Logan. LOGAN: Why does he have two names? CLAY: Because Wolverine's his secret identity. LOGAN: Who's that? CLAY: That's Cyclops. He's the frosty one of the two. He's kind of like my friend Nathan. But they don't really get along because... They both like her. That's Jean Grey. LOGAN: She's cool. CLAY: And kind of hot for a comic-book chick. Anything else you want to know? LOGAN: Why do you come here? CLAY: Okay, Captain subtle. I... Don't really like to talk about it. LOGAN: Not even with your doctor? CLAY: Not really. LOGAN: Then you're gonna be here for a long time, like that old man who eats his buttons. CLAY: Thanks for the advice. Keep reading. TV SET Mouth wants to talks to Jerry. MOUTH: hey, Jerry. You got a sec? JERRY: Yeah. Hey. Listen, I'm really sorry about Nathan Scott. I know you're friends, and if there's anything I can do... MOUTH: I'm glad you said that, because I was thinking I could take some time off from the morning show and look into things. Just temporarily. JERRY: I can't do that. I need you here. MOUTH: Just for a few days. Come on. The show will be fine. JERRY: It's not just that. Look, I'd have the news department crawling up my ass, wondering why you're doing their job for them. I'm sorry. But if you happen to put in some work after hours, I don't have to know about it. LOCAL Dmitri wants to talks with Nathan. NATHAN: Aah! DMITRI: I'm so sorry. My associate has a twisted sense of humor. NATHAN: Take these off. I'll make him stop laughing. Why am I here? Besides listening to your lame quotes. DMITRI: Whoa. I learned english from Shakespeare. NATHAN: What do you want? DMITRI: You know, where I come from, we have all kinds of interests... guns, drugs, prostitution, gambling, basketball. A franchise player leaves, owner loses money, owner not happy. NATHAN: So I'm here because I tried to sign someone. DMITRI: Signing is stealing! And we don't care for thieves. We have to set example that our interests, our property, is not to be touched. You, my friend, are that example. Once we get the order, you're a dead man. NATHAN: Over a basketball player? That's insane! DMITRI: No, no. Insane is crossing a man who pays his players cash from a suitcase chained to his wrist. You take his best player, you take his money. You take his money, we take your life. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke arrives and finds out there is nobody in the cafe. BROOKE: Um... Is there a zombie apocalypse or something going on that I don't know about? WAITRESS: It's been dead all morning... pun intended. BROOKE: Is this because I trashed that whorehouse next door? The town should give me a medal for that. WAITRESS: I'd settle for some tips. (Tara enters) TARA: Brooke... Did you see me on the news? I guess people are more afraid of the crazy manager than the murderous chef. BROOKE: Crazy? I'm crazy? I'm not the one who put that horrific note on my husband's car. TARA: Yeah, and I'm not the one that left a baby in it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a packed cafe to run. BROOKE: This is not over. TARA: Looks over to me. (Cellphone rings, door closes) BROOKE: "I need you at the house asap. Haley." How am I gonna explain this one? NALEY'S HOUSE Dan knocked on the door. Haley opens. HALEY: No. DAN: Wait, wait, wait. Don't be afraid. I just want to talk. I'm not upset with you for calling the police. HALEY: I don't care, Dan. DAN: I just want to look for Nathan together. He's my son. I love him. I love Jamie. I love you. I would never hurt my family. HALEY: It's my family, and you have. DAN: I had nothing to do with it. You have to believe me. HALEY: I don't believe you, Dan, because if it wasn't you directly, it was because of something you've done. JAMIE: What did you do to my dad?! DAN: Jamie, it's not like that. JAMIE: No. You're a liar! Just bring him back! HALEY: So, what now? You want me to tell my son that you're not a monster? DAN: I'm sorry. HALEY: Yeah, you are. I want you to stay away from my house and stay out of our lives! SOUND STAGE Dan comes in. Julian plays with a ball. DAN: Julian Baker. JULIAN: You're looking at him. DAN: I'll take your word for it. What happened to your face? Your wife beat you up? That Brooke's a feisty one, huh? JULIAN: Dan Scott. What do you want? DAN: Right to the point. Good. I need a work space. I'll give you 3 grand a month to get rid of the rest of your clients. JULIAN: I don't have any other clients. DAN: Like I said, I'll give you 2 grand a month. I'll need a trailer and complete privacy. JULIAN: To do what? DAN: Let's make it 3 grand a month and you don't ask that question again. JULIAN: It's nothing illegal. DAN: Deal? JULIAN: I'll show you the trailers. NALEY'S HOUSE Brooke comes in. BROOKE: Hey. I know why you're upset, and I'm really sorry. It's just Tara left this note on Julian's car, and I totally flipped out! HALEY: Nathan's missing. BROOKE: What do you mean he's missing? HALEY: His flight landed, and he never came home. BROOKE: Oh, my God, hales. I'm so sorry. HALEY: No. BROOKE: I've been running around all day. I... I'm here now. What can I do? HALEY: Can you watch the cafe? Can you...just so I know that it's in good hands and I don't have to think about it. BROOKE: Yeah. Of course. Anything. Okay. We've been through a lot, you and I. We'll get through this. HALEY: Yeah. KAREN'S CAFE Chase and Chris takes drinks. CHRIS: Thank you. CHASE: What are you doing? CHRIS: I'm just hoping Tara sees me here. Pisses her off. CHASE: And you like that because...? CHRIS: I don't know. She likes the drama. We call it foreplay. So, I can tell you were pissed that I stood up kid Keller. CHASE: It's fine. CHRIS: Nah, it's not. CHASE: You're right. It's not. But if it makes you feel any better, his dad eventually showed up. CHRIS: You checked on him? That's pretty cool, dude. In fact, Chris Keller's decided you're a good dude. CHASE: Is that a good thing? CHRIS: Hey, Chris Keller doesn't hand out those titles lightly. Truth is, I don't have a lot of friends. Anyway, I just... I just wanted to say I'm sorry for playing a part in Alex taking that tour. I know it's been hard to deal with. Chris Keller's here for you. CHASE: Wow. Well, uh, I appreciate that. CHRIS: All right. We just got to find you a girl like Tara now. HOPITAL CENTRE Clay has a seance with his doctor. CLAY: Logan asked me why I'm here. DOCTOR: What did you say? CLAY: I did not know what to say. DOCTOR: Well, it's not an easy thing to explain. The amount of trauma that you've experienced in your life is, uh, significant. CLAY: A lot of people go through crap, but they don't wake up on merry-go-rounds. DOCTOR: A lot of people don't watch their wife die in front of them and then get shot point blank by a woman who looks like her, either. CLAY: It's still just trauma. DOCTOR: You've been through a lot, Clay. And I think maybe it's hard for you to admit that you need more help than most people. You think somehow it diminishes you. It doesn't. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke and Millicent talks together. MILLICENT: It's hard to think about it... Nathan. BROOKE: I know. When I left Haley, she was just about to meet with the detectives. I thought that I had it bad, you know, with Julian literally beating himself up over this Davis thing. I can't imagine what this is like for Haley. MILLICENT: How is she holding up? BROOKE: She's a wreck. Plus she asked me to watch the cafe, and I don't know how to tell her that when she comes back here, there isn't gonna be a cafe because of that bitch Tara! God, it feels good to swear without my kids here. MILLICENT: Well, I'm here to help. BROOKE: You better be, especially after your little pro-Tara report this morning. MILLICENT: I was just reading the news I was given. BROOKE: Mm-hmm. MILLICENT: But, to make up for it, I have a very pro-Brooke idea. BROOKE: I'm listening. MILLICENT: What if you organize some live music here like back in the day? You could ask one of our current patrons... not chase. How's that for help? BROOKE: Pretty good. I'm gonna need you to pick the twins up in an hour. Ugh. NALEY'S HOUSE Jamie looks a video about Nathan, Quinn joins him. QUINN: What you got there, little man? JAMIE: Some videos dad sent me from Europe. NATHAN(in video): It doesn't matter how far I go, Jamie Scott, you're always with me. JAMIE: When I play this, it feels like he's right here talking to me But what if it's the last time I see him? QUINN: It's not going to be. Okay? Think of all the things your dad's come back from... the car crash, his back, your crazy nanny. JAMIE: Our crazy nanny who kidnapped me. QUINN: Exactly. But here you are. 'Cause you're a Scott, and no one is tougher or smarter than a Scott. LOCAL Dmitri and his associate plays game. DMITRI: I love this game. How did you... where did you come by this? MAN: A local friend. He calls them "bones." Like he'll be... bones. NATHAN: Hey, what are you waiting for, anyway? Huh? You got me here. What are you waiting for? DMITRI: "How poor are they that they have no patience?" They tell us to wait, we wait. NATHAN: Well, who's they? Hey. You know I have a wife and two kids, right? MAN: I have two wives. And six kids. NATHAN: I also used to play in the NBA. I can pay you a lot of money. DMITRI: It's not about money. NATHAN: Right. It's about killing me over a basketball player. That makes sense. DMITRI: We entered into contract. You, as agent, should understand it. NATHAN: Have you ever heard of a holdout? Two wives? Six kids? I'd milk every penny I could get. What are you... ohh! MAN: No talking! DMITRI: Have you not heard of honor among thieves? We gave our word, Nathan Scott, that you would die. And so you will. HOPITAL CENTRE Mouth visits Clay at the hospital. MOUTH: Knock, knock. You got a sec? CLAY: Mouth. What's up, man? Hey. I'd offer you a drink, but juice time is not for another half-hour. MOUTH: I'm good. I just... I wanted to come by and say I'm really sorry. CLAY: Well, thanks. But hopefully I'll be flying this cuckoo's nest soon. MOUTH: Well, of course, but I meant about Nathan. CLAY: What about him? MOUTH: They didn't tell you. Clay, Nate's missing. He landed in Tree Hill two days ago, and he never came home. The police are involved now. I'm... I'm sorry. I thought you knew. When's the last time you heard from him? CLAY: Uh... A voice-mail. He was scouting the euro camps and said, "I'm gonna be going off the beaten path." Why the hell did it take two days for me to hear about this? MOUTH: We're all just learning about it. Listen, I'm gonna look into some things and see what I can find out. If you think of anything else, you let me know, okay? CLAY: Yeah. MOUTH: I'll see you. CLAY: Mouth. Keep me in the loop. MOUTH: I will. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn was in the phone with the police. Haley comes in. QUINN(at phone): Okay. All right. (She hangs up) QUINN: That was Detective Colvin. Um...Haley, this is gonna sound bad, but... HALEY: What? QUINN: Um... They're searching the woods by the airport. Posters will be up by this evening, and, look, there's a lot off really good people out there looking for him. He's gonna come home. HALEY: I never should have let Dan back into our life. QUINN: Look, I know you have a lot of history with Dan and that most of it is bad, but I went and saw him when I had problems with Katie, and he talked me out of doing something really stupid. HALEY: Are you saying that you trust him? QUINN: No, I just... there's a lot worse people to have in your corner in a crisis, Haley. He knows people. HALEY: Yeah, which is exactly why I don't want him anywhere near my family, and neither should you. TRAILER Julian comes to see if Dan needs help. JULIAN: I just wanted to see if you needed anything. DAN: Yeah. The completely privacy that I paid for. And another notepad. JULIAN: What is that? DAN: A list of my enemies. Better make that two notepads. JULIAN: Looking for Nathan, aren't you? You sure it's about you? DAN: I don't know, but I'm gonna find out. JULIAN: Can I help? DAN: What happened to your face? JULIAN: Um... I was having a bad day, so I picked a fight. DAN: Apparently you picked the wrong guy. JULIAN: I didn't fight back. DAN: Why not? JULIAN: Because I was angry at myself for leaving one of my infant sons in a hot car. DAN: So you let yourself get beat up. If I let someone kick my ass every time I did something stupid, I'd be unrecognizable. JULIAN: Great pep talk, Dan. No wonder your sons love you so much. DAN: Let me ask you a question. If I let you help me, who are you gonna be looking for? Nathan or yourself? JULIAN: Both. DAN: When I got out of prison, I wrote a bestseller with my ex-wife, Rachel, also on the list, by the way. JULIAN: Yeah, my dad wanted to buy the rights. I talked him out of it. DAN: Probably smart. The book's a fraud. I made a deal with an investor in prison to buy 10,000 copies on the first day, because once the book's a bestseller, everyone will want to read it. JULIAN: Self-fulfilling prophecy. DAN: At first, all I had to do was pay back the loan plus the interest, but then the talk show became a hit. My friend got greedy. He threatened to tell the world how the book became a bestseller. Once the show ended, so did his payments, and that didn't make him very happy. JULIAN: So you want to confront this guy and see if he has something to do with Nathan. Let me help. DAN: You can watch my back. That's all. JULIAN: Fine. HOSPITAL CENTRE Clay takes his stuff and goes away. Logan sees him. LOGAN: Where are you going? Are you leaving? KAREN'S CAFE Chris is still in the cafe. BROOKE: You know... It's on the house. CHRIS: Well, well. Trying to buy me breakfast to get me back in the sack. It's too bad I'm taken. BROOKE: Actually, I was hoping that you might consider performing here tonight... If possible. It would really help us get our customers back. CHRIS: Oh, I don't doubt it, but I can't. I'm kind of doing the girl who runs Tree Hill cafe. BROOKE: Great! Of course you are. Figures that little tramp would be doing you and chase at the same time. CHRIS: What? BROOKE: Chase and Tara... CHRIS: Chase?! No, no. Tara's my girlfriend. Why would you think chase and Tara would... Come on. BROOKE: Oh, crap. Sorry. CHRIS: Chase is doing Tara? Oh... Oh, man. Chris Keller will play. HOPITAL CENTRE Clay is the border on the road. He isn't himself. Quinn comes in and sees him. QUINN: Clay? Hey! Hey! Hey! Where are you going? CLAY: Do I know you? QUINN: Yes. It's me... Quinn. CLAY: I don't know you. QUINN: What?! It's me! It's Quinn! Hey, it's me. It's me. No. It's okay. It's okay. Quinn and clay talk with the doctor. DOCTOR: What's the last thing you remember? CLAY: I remember Logan asking me where I was going. DOCTOR: As you were leaving? CLAY: Yeah, as I was leaving. You should have told me about Nate. QUINN: Look, I-I wanted to and I would have, but I was afraid that you would try to leave and something like this would happen. DOCTOR: Look, the silver lining is that we can learn from what happened today. Clay, I hope you understand now. The emergency you need to fix first here is you. KAREN'S CAFE Chris performs. Brooke is happy. BROOKE: Not bad, Millicent Huxtable. MILLICENT: I know. I tweeted it. BROOKE: I did, too. I expect a glowing review on tomorrow morning's show. MILLICENT: This is our lead-in. BROOKE: Or it could be this. (Tara enters in the cafe) TARA: What the hell are you doing helping my competition? CHRIS: Why the hell are you sleeping with my best friend? BROOKE: Yeah. CHRIS: All right, we're gonna take an intermission. I'm gonna need to see you outside. BROOKE: Well...Chris Keller, everyone! Chase joins Chris outside. CHASE: Listen, Chris, it's... it's not what you... (Chris punches him) CHASE: Oww! What the hell was that? CHRIS: Yeah, I would have punched you except I don't want to hurt my guitar hands, so just consider yourself punched! CHASE: Aah! You're right! I deserve whatever the hell that was. I'm sorry. CHRIS: Man, this... this whole time, you made me think not Alex was ugly because you didn't introduce me to her. CHASE: I didn't know you thought that. And I didn't even know Tara was your girlfriend at first. CHRIS: "At first"?! CHASE: Well, then I was mad at you for standing up Chuck. CHRIS: I apologized for that. CHASE: Not until after I... Slept with her. But I just...I'm sorry, okay? I knew better and...I'm sorry. CHRIS: Man. You and Tara?! You know what this means, right? STRIP-TEASE CLUB Chase pays all consummation of Chris. CHRIS: And then... That's when Chase here swooped in and stole my girl. WOMAN: You poor baby. I'm so sorry. That's terrible. CHASE: Come on. We weren't even friends yet. WOMAN: Let me take you to the V.I.P. Room. Lift your spirits. Half price. CHRIS: Make it full price. I bank with chase. My pin is "backstabber." HOUSE Julian and Dan go seeing the guy who blackmailed Dan. JULIAN: So what's the plan? DAN: I don't know. JULIAN: What do you mean you don't know? DAN: I'll say we just got in an accident. JULIAN: That's not gonna work. JULIAN: Of course it will. DAN: Look at your face. (Someone opens the door) JULIAN: Hi. Julian Baker. Directors' guild of America. We love your house, and we want to shoot it for a movie I'm directing. Can we see inside? WIFE: I've always wanted to be in the pictures. Please, come in. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley joins Jamie in his bedroom. HALEY: Hey. How are you feeling? JAMIE: Aunt Gwen says that dad's tough and smart, and she's right. I think he'll be okay. HALEY: You're such a... Brave young man. And I can't wait to brag about you to your dad when he comes home. JAMIE: Are you okay, mom? HALEY: I know we're gonna find him. I know it. HOUSE The investor is handicapped. JULIAN: This is the investor? DAN: What's left of him. WIFE: I thought I recognized you. I know what you've come here for. My husband was blackmailing you. What do you want? DAN: My son's missing. WIFE: Well, we had nothing to do with that. As you can see, we have bigger problems. LOCAL Cellphone rings. DMITRI: It's for you. NATHAN: Take my money. Get rich. You're their only link to this. Eventually, they're gonna find a reason to kill you, too. MAN: Say the word. NATHAN: You either work for the man, or you be the man... when are you gonna be the man? DMITRI: I am the man. MAN: Say the word! NATHAN: You're the man's bitch! Be the man! MAN: Say it! OTHER MAN: Enough! The phone rings, he dies. That's it. DMITRI: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. OTHER MAN: Phone rings, he dies. DMITRI: But what's to say phone rings, we get rich? OTHER MAN: I'm here to kill a man. Don't make me kill two. DMITRI: I hear you, my friend, and I respect you. Can we have moment, please? Away from this dog. Dmitri and the other man go in an other room and Dmitri kills him. Dmitri comes back. DMITRI: Okay. We talked it over. And now I'm going to ransom you. Who is man? Who is bitch now? Bitch! KAREN'S CAFE Brooke counts her money. Tara comes in. BROOKE: Mm. $1 million six, $1 million seven. TARA: You're so funny. I'm looking for chase and Chris. BROOKE: Which one? I'm curious. TARA: It's none of your business. BROOKE: They went to a strip club, so I'm sure you'll see them when you get there for your shift. $1 bajillion eight. I am just gonna need to get a bigger vault. TARA: So you had one good night. BROOKE: Mm-hmm. TARA: How long do you think you can keep this up? BROOKE: Well, Chris Keller has volunteered to play here whenever we need him, so as long as you're here. It looks pretty dead over there tonight. I guess people are even more afraid of the crazy show-crashing slut than the soup-throwing hero. Sleep tight. TV SET Mouth makes some research and Jerry gives him pizza. JERRY: I saw you burning the midnight oil. I thought you might be hungry. MOUTH: Thanks. JERRY: I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. See you tomorrow. HOSPITAL CENTRE Clay goes to see Logan to apologize. CLAY: Hey. Are you mad at me? LOGAN: You didn't even say goodbye. CLAY: Well, that's only because of my condition. All right, the truth is, sometimes I wander 'cause I'm not myself. That's why I come here. But that other me doesn't know who you are. LOGAN: I thought you left 'cause you didn't like me. CLAY: What? You're my best friend in here. LOGAN: Hey. Can we read more "X-Men" tomorrow? CLAY: Does Wolverine have adamantium claws? That's a yes. LOGAN: Cool. Hey. Maybe that other you is a secret identity. CLAY: That would pretty much be the coolest thing ever. Just... Don't tell anyone, okay? LOGAN: I won't. I promise. DAN'S CAR Dan drives and Julian is with him. DAN: You weren't horrible today. JULIAN: Thanks. So what's next? DAN: I'm going back to work. You're going in there to be with your family. You think you got it bad. You left one of your kids in the car. I left mine for good. You're a good father, Julian. You're gonna be a good father. Go on. Go inside. Kiss your wife. Do something I can't. Hug your sons. 'Cause, trust me, I'd give anything to be able to do that again. Go on. JULIAN: We'll find him. (Julian enters in the Karen's cafe and kisses his wife) TRAILER Mouth comes to see Dan. DAN: Mouth? Is that you in there? Let me guess. You're here to accuse me of hurting Nathan. MOUTH: No, actually. I'm here because I found something that can help find him. Nathan didn't like the players in the euro camp, so he went off the beaten path. I'm thinking to eastern and central Europe. Basketball's a shady business over there. A lot of the teams are owned by criminals. DAN: You came to me. MOUTH: I went to see Haley, and Quinn suggested I come to you. I didn't want to. Maybe it's something. DAN: I'll check it out. MOUTH: Anything I can do? DAN: Yeah. Go easy on the carbs. LOCAL Kidnapper play game and Nathan always waits. NATHAN: Take this number down. It's my attorney. He'll arrange your payment. DMITRI: I said I was going to ransom you. I didn't say to who. NATHAN: What the hell are you talking about? DMITRI: Family's too messy. I'll sell you to the people who want you dead. NATHAN: What? DMITRI: You're right. You know the team owner, you know the players. You can make trouble. Your death is more valuable now. NATHAN: So you're just charging them more to kill me. DMITRI: At least you bought yourself some more time. But, yes. Either way...we're still going to kill you. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is at the phone. HALEY(at phone): No, I have no comment at the time. Please stop bothering us! (She hangs up and sees Lydia is walking) HALEY: Honey, you're walking! Honey! You're walking! (Haley starts to cry) End of the episode.

Dan enlists Julian to help in his search for Nathan. Mouth fills Clay in about Nathan, as Haley explains Nathan's disappearance to Jamie. Brooke gets an idea of how to bring patrons to an empty Karen's Cafe, and Chris Keller confronts Chase about Tara. This episode is named after a song by the band Explosions in the Sky .

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SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR JACKSON: [OS] Is she still asleep? [Cut to inside, close shoot of Lorelai just waking up on the couch, the action goes on behind her, Jackson remains of screen for the whole scene.] SOOKIE: [OS]Yeah, so let's be super-quiet. Super-quiet, Davey! JACKSON: Super-quiet, son! SOOKIE: Like we're playing a game called "let's be super-quiet," and you win a prize if you're super-quiet! JACKSON: A prize! Let's get him out the door! Let's get him out the door! SOOKIE: Lunches! Come on, Davey. [runs into a chair] Ohh! Come on. Let's get your lunch. JACKSON: This is fun. SOOKIE: Here you go. Go give it to daddy. Okay. JACKSON: Come to daddy, son. SOOKIE: Shh! We're still playing the "super-quiet" game! JACKSON: So, did she say anything else after I went to bed? SOOKIE: Not a word. We sat and we had tea, but she was somewhere else the whole time. JACKSON: Don't open the door, Davey. The door's loud. SOOKIE: Let daddy open the door! I'm worried about her. JACKSON: If she wanted to talk about what ever it is, she would have talked. SOOKIE: I know what it is. It's Luke. I just, I don't know the specifics. Okay let's go. JACKSON: Be very quiet going out the door, Davey. SOOKIE: Super-quiet! JACKSON: You're gonna win the prize. SOOKIE: It's gonna be a super-fun prize! JACKSON: Close the door for me? SOOKIE: Got it. JACKSON: Great job, son! High five! OPENING CREDITS STARS HOLLOW STREET WOMAN: Morning, Taylor. TAYLOR: Good morning. Some weather, huh? If you don't like it, just wait five minutes. Top of the day to you, Mrs. Harris. Say hi to Maurice for me. MRS. HARRIS: Will do! [Taylor stops to see a troubadour setting up then starts playing] [Joe Pernice sings "Amazing Glow"] TROUBADOUR: [Singing] A rare and wicked skill to change a lot of weather no room was spared no mood, show no mercy I was a tireless fool I thought I could do better I left in flames of paper shade hanging from a light and when it came to the victories the genus names of all the flowers that were feeding off her her amazing glow her amazing glow LOGAN'S APARTMENT RORY: oh, that's another good one. LOGAN: No, it's not. RORY: Hold it. LOGAN: Yo, Alfred Stieglitz, stop with the pictures. RORY: I prefer Cartier-Bresson. LOGAN: My eyes are pale, very sensitive to the light. RORY: You only graduate from college once, and I will document it to my heart's content, and you can't stop me. LOGAN: At least I'm clothed in these. RORY: Oh, yes, those shower photos will fetch me a bundle on the internet. LOGAN: I don't even know why I'm doing this. Why am I doing this whole cap-and-gown thing? RORY: Because the graduation ceremony is not only for the graduate. It's for the loved ones, too. We talked about this. LOGAN: No, you talked, and I disagreed. RORY: Then I ruled, and that's that. LOGAN: I'm taking that Stalin biography away from you. RORY: Come on. I don't want to be late. LOGAN: [Sighs] You do realize you're putting yourself in the cross hairs. RORY: Meaning? LOGAN: There will be all manner of Huntzbergers in the audience. RORY: Oh, I can avoid people with the best of them. LOGAN: I didn't say "people." I said "Huntzbergers." RORY: Don't worry your pretty little head about this. I'll take care of myself. LOGAN: I just want you to be fully prepped. RORY: [Looking at the camera] Oh-ho. I have outdone myself photographically. Every one of these is a keeper. LOGAN: Okay that's a close-up of my naked butt. That's not a keeper. RORY: You're right. That's a screen saver. STARS HOLLOW - NEAR DOOSE'S MARKET [Sparks is singing "Perfume"] SPARKS: The olfactory sense is the sense that most strongly evokes memories of the past. Well, screw the past. [Mid-tempo music plays] Genevieve wears Dior Margaret wears Tr sor Mary Jo wears Lauren, but you don't wear no perfume Deborah wears Clinique Maryanne wears Mystique Judith wears Shalimar, but you don't wear no perfume that's why I want to spend my life with you that's why I want to spend my life with you that's why I want to spend my life with you [cut to another troubadour] TROUBADOUR2: no one likes talkin' to a drunk unless he's buyin' nobody says hello when they're goodbye-in' unless they're Hawaiian [Stops singing] TROUBADOUR2: Well, hey, there, Taylor. Fancy seeing you here. TAYLOR: I live here! TROUBADOUR2: Beautiful. [Sings] Nobody eats eggs and bacon when they're fryin' that'd just be dumb you'd probably burn your tongue and nobody laughs at a clown when he's cryin' boo-hoo LUKE'S DINER [Taylor enters] TAYLOR: Is everyone seeing what's going on out here? Lucas, have you eyeballed the chicanery that's taking place outside? LUKE: What? Eyed what? TAYLOR: Balled, eyeballed these hooligans! LUKE: How interested do I look in talking to you, Taylor? TAYLOR: Not very. LUKE: And this is the very peak of my interest. TAYLOR: My god, there's another one! KIRK: I have a theory, Taylor. TAYLOR: Let's hear it. KIRK: Our usual town troubadour, he was discovered last week on these very streets. TAYLOR: Discovered? KIRK: Some big-time music manager was limo-ing through town, and he caught one of the troubadour's songs, gave him an opening slot on Neil Young's tour. TAYLOR: Who's Neil Young? KIRK: One of the Monkees. Anyway I'm guessing when word hit the east coast troubadour community, every one of them thought to come to stars hollow for their shot at the big time. TAYLOR: There's an east coast troubadour community? KIRK: Oh, yes, our wandering musical storytellers. It's an honored American tradition going back to the puritans. Gierke Schoonhoven delighted his fellow pilgrims with his timely songs. His most popular was "a beaver ate my thumb." It was quite catchy. I wonder if Neil still does "Last Train to Clarksville." I love that song. TAYLOR: [Exhales sharply] [Cut to out side Luke's, Mary Lynn Rajskub is singing] TROUBADOUR3: [singing] I drive an '89 volvo have you seen it anywhere? 'Cause I can't seem to find it and no one seems to care I don't know how it happened I've never lost a car I might have to retrace my steps back to the bar I stepped into a puddle I'm bleeding from the lip my shirt mysteriously opens... TAYLOR: Excuse me, uh, bohemian people! May I have your attention, please? TROUBADOUR3: I'm kind of doing a song here. TAYLOR: It won't take long. Please, people, your attention! I would just like to say that there is no bigger fan of music than the man standing before you. No memory is more precious to me than the one of my father taking me to the Hartford civic auditorium to see the great Pat Boone. But you, my friends, do not have the talent of Pat Boone. And if you insist on loitering and playing your hippie doo-wop music to the obvious detriment of the mercantile interests of this town, our authorities will forcibly remove you... with water hoses and canine units if necessary! Thank you for your time, and, uh... goodbye. TROUBADOUR3: [She Picks up her stuff and moves on] Can you say "BTK"? LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Lorelai drives up in the Jeep] LORELAI: [Looking at her cell phone] Oh, shoot. [she dials] RORY: You're grounded. Ha. Sorry, mom. Kimmy saw this guy at the mall who was a total Chachi, and he bought us a slurpee, and we totally lost track of time. RORY: I called you twice. I left messages. I called the national guard, who didn't answer because they're all in Baghdad. LORELAI: Well I just checked my messages. RORY: I won't be ignored, Dan. LORELAI: I know. I'm hiding my rabbit as we speak. RORY: So what's the deal? LORELAI: No deal. I, um, spent the night at Sookie's last night. RORY: Why? LORELAI: No reason, we were talking and it got late, so I crashed on her couch and woke up covered in jam. RORY: Is everything all right? LORELAI: Everything's fine. How's it going with you? RORY: Well, Logan graduated. LORELAI: Ah that's right, the graduation. Wow. How was it? RORY: I'm here now. It was nice. Logan looked great, very dignified. He didn't trip. He remembered to wear pants. LORELAI: He's quite a catch, that guy. RORY: I was very proud of him. I'm just waiting for him to extricate himself from those people. LORELAI: Oh his parents are there, hu? RORY: Yep, they are with Logan, and I am standing a good 50 feet away. LORELAI: As per the restraining order. RORY: They're dragging him out for drinks, 30 minutes tops we're meeting back at the apartment, and then he'll be all mine. I've got the afternoon planned out. LORELAI: Ah you're such a girlfriend. You should take him to the mall. RORY: I'll think about it. LORELAI: So, you take pictures? RORY: Only about a thousand. I'll bring my camera tonight. Oh, listen, just a heads-up, I might have to duck out after drinks. LORELAI: No! Why? RORY: I made reservations at this crappy Italian restaurant with Chianti bottles hanging from the ceiling, and the husband and wife that own the place wind up screaming at each other after 8:00, we love it. LORELAI: Sounds great. RORY: Well it's our last night together for a while. I want it to be really special. LORELAI: Sounds perfect. RORY: I better get back. I'll see you tonight? LORELAI: Okay, hon. See you tonight. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai comes in the front door] LORELAI: Hello! Babette! [Paul Anka comes up] Hi, buddy. Where's Babette? MISS PATTY: Oh, she had to go, honey. I told her I'd take the morning shift. She told me to tell you that everything went fine. Paul Anka ate all his food, and then he did something weird with your nightgown. LORELAI: Oh, are you cross-dressing again? I got here at 7:30. I gave him a little kibble and a new hoof, and he ran around the house a few times and then passed out in the corner. He's been quiet ever since. LORELAI: Thank you guys for doing this, Patty. Paul Anka's never spent the whole night alone before. MISS PATTY: Oh, it's our pleasure, sweetheart. So, you're staying out all night, huh? Anything illegal? LORELAI: Oh, no, no. Just a little girls' night out. Or in, I should say. Sookie and I had a slumber party. MISS PATTY: Oh, that sounds fun. LORELAI: Do you want some coffee, Patty? MISS PATTY: Oh, no, sweetheart. I need to get going. I'm teaching a cardio striptease class at 10:00. I have to make sure those poles are screwed in tight. LORELAI: Okay. [Front door opens] LUKE: Lorelai, you here? LORELAI: Tell him I'm not here. MISS PATTY: What? LORELAI: Patty, please. Tell him I'm not here. [Hides on Rory's room] MISS PATTY: No, no, but I... Luke, hi. LUKE: What the hell are you doing here? MISS PATTY: Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that. LUKE: [sounding worried] I'm looking for Lorelai. MISS PATTY: Well, she's not here. LUKE: Her Jeep's right out front. MISS PATTY: Well all I know is she called to have me come and feed Paul Anka. LUKE: Called from where? MISS PATTY: I don't know. The inn, maybe. LUKE: No, she's not at the Inn I tried the Inn. MISS PATTY: Well, uh, I-I don't know. You know, half the time people speak to me, I'm thinking about Baryshnikov. Did you see "turning point"? LUKE: No. MISS PATTY: Oh, that man was so beautiful. LUKE: Yeah, I'm sure. MISS PATTY: Pure s*x walking. Flying, actually. That man could fly. Have you ever thought of taking dance? LUKE: Me? No. MISS PATTY: Well, maybe you might want to think about it. There's nothing sexier than a man in tights. LUKE: Yeah, I'm sure that's true. Look, can you just tell Lorelai I came by? MISS PATTY: Oh, of course I will, honey. LUKE: Stop imagining me in tights, patty. MISS PATTY: It's a free country, honey. [Luke leaves] He is so easy. LORELAI: Thank you, patty. MISS PATTY: Something going on with you and Luke? LORELAI: It's nothing. We had a little fight, nothing big. I'm just... MISS PATTY: Punishing him. Good for you. The longer the freeze-out, the better the makeup. LORELAI: Yes, exactly. Listen thank you for doing this. MISS PATTY: Oh, sure, any time. If you need anything else, just give me a call. LORELAI: I will. MISS PATTY: Oh, and, honey, don't freeze him out too long. Luke is a much better man than my first husband... or second husband. But he's neck and neck with the third one, though. LORELAI: Okay. MISS PATTY: Bye, Paul Anka! Thank you for letting me scratch your butt for an hour! Just like husband number four. LORELAI: [Chuckles] Bye. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Rory is waiting, she hears the elevator dings] MITCHUM: Pete Michaels will be there for at least the first two months. You meet him in Omaha. LOGAN: I know. MITCHUM: He runs the department, so he's the one to see. He's a good guy. [cell phone rings] I got to go. LOGAN: Yeah, I'll talk to you later. MITCHUM: [On the phone] Yeah? [Logan makes his way into the apartment] LOGAN: Hey. RORY: What happened? LOGAN: It took longer than I thought. RORY: Way longer and I've got to leave for my grandparents' like right now. LOGAN: To top it off, just as the family thing is winding down, a bunch of dad's business automatons came by and he made me stay to talk shop. RORY: To talk shop. LOGAN: Synergy and new media ventures in increasing shareholder value. I could hear my soul dying. RORY: He's doing this on purpose. LOGAN: I wouldn't put it past him. RORY: Why is he doing this? LOGAN: Look don't think about him. Just go, go to your thing. Get it over with. I'll wait for you here, go. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: No more thoughts about Mitchum. RORY: Your right, no more thoughts. LOGAN: Go. [Cut to Rory entering the hall way outside the apartment,] MITCHUM: Yeah. At this number. Here, call me back. Bye. [Rory runs to the elevator, stops the doors and enters.] Oh. Hello, Rory... Were you at the ceremony? We didn't see you. RORY: Yeah, I was there. MITCHUM: Ah. MITCHUM: We didn't see you. RORY: Well, I was there... Did you know that Logan and I had plans to go out after the ceremony? I mean were you aware of that? MITCHUM: No, I was not. RORY: Yeah. 'Cause why would your son want to go out with his girlfriend the last day before he leaves, right? MITCHUM: Rory... RORY: And this gathering of yours, it turns into a business meeting on his graduation day? As if Logan's not gonna have enough time for that during the year you're forcing him to do in London. MITCHUM: It wasn't exactly a business meeting. RORY: Why are you doing this? MITCHUM: Doing what? RORY: Why are you taking him away from me. Why? Do you hate me that much? MITCHUM: I don't hate you. RORY: Yeah, right. MITCHUM: Why would I hate you? RORY: Because I'm dating your son. MITCHUM: Logan's love life is his business. I don't get involved. RORY: Oh, please. You have done nothing but get involved. MITCHUM: How? RORY: You're sending him away, 5,000 miles away. What other reason is there but to separate us? MITCHUM: Well you flatter yourself if you think I put that much energy into thinking about your relationship. RORY: Here's the lobby. MITCHUM: Wait let's get this clear right now. I'm sending Logan away for one reason, because it is time, it is time for him to stop jumping out of planes in a gorilla mask and crashing boats and getting plastered every night and ending up in the hospital. It's time for him to stop being a child and to start being a man. It's time for him to start focusing on his future, and the only way he is gonna do that is to get him out of his environment and away from those dopes, Colin and Finn, and "The Life and Death Brigade" and get him on a path. Logan is talented he's talented. He's my son. I want him to achieve something. And he needs a push. It's what my father did with me. He pushed me, I grew up, and now Logan is gonna grow up. Anything here you're not agreeing with? [Rory is quite] I didn't think so. STARS HOLLOW - NEAR THE MUSIC SHOP [Yo La Tengo are playing "Tried So Hard"] YO LA TENGO: [singing] And we tried we tried with all our might we tore the playhouse down we ran headlong in our way yeah, we tried so hard we stared at the sun too long... CLIFF: got your mail here, Taylor. TAYLOR: Thanks, cliff. I guess the last group of miscreants didn't get word that troubadours are "persona non grata" in STARS HOLLOW. Just one more rat I have to exterminate. See ya, cliff. [Taylor look out to the town square to see dozens of troubadours playing.] GILMORE MANSION EMILY: Gerta, you're half my age. Why do I always beat you to the door? LORELAI: Hi, mom. EMILY: Hello, Lorelai. So, just you tonight? LORELAI: Well, I know how mad you get when I bring the insane clown posse with me. EMILY: So no Luke? LORELAI: Luke's working. EMILY: All right. So, how are we? LORELAI: We're good. We're Fine. We're starving. We'd love a drink. EMILY: Your father's making martinis in the living room. [To the maid] Oh, now your legs work. Here, hang these up. And eat something with sugar! RORY: [OS] That's it. [Emily make there way to the living room] I'll take care of the rest. Just say whatever it takes and get him out of there about 9:30. I trust you, Finn... No, it's not a surprise you've never heard anyone say that before. Just get Colin and get him out of there. Bye. [Hangs up the phone] Sorry, everyone. I'm off it for good now. RICHARD: Hello, Lorelai. LORELAI: Thanks, dad. Hello. What's this? RICHARD: Don't touch that! RORY: He slapped my hand earlier. EMILY: It is top secret. LORELAI: Oh, my god. It's the weapons of mass destruction. Quick, get the president on the phone. RICHARD: Lorelai. LORELAI: If he's not in the oval office, try the ice-cream room. EMILY: Just tell them what it is, Richard. RICHARD: Well, it looks like we're going to receive a tidy little settlement from the charlatan that botched your mother's eye surgery. EMILY: A very tidy settlement. RICHARD: And we've decided to add it to the money we're donating to Yale. LORELAI: Thank god. Finally a hot meal for the lacrosse team. EMILY: We're adding it to the money we're donating in Rory's name. RORY: Oh, goody. They didn't forget. EMILY: And with that extra money, we can now afford what is on the table right in front of you. Richard, do the honors. RICHARD: All right. Miss Rory Gilmore, may I present... your building. RORY: What?! EMILY: Your science building. [Lorelai starts laughing] RICHARD: On the Q.T., A friend of mine who knows the architect snagged the model for me. It's a beaut, isn't it? Built perfectly to scale. EMILY: Very sleek. And there's plenty of wall space inside for a portrait. RORY: Of who? EMILY: Of you. RICHARD: And look right here. My friend attached a placard to the front of the building. LORELAI: [Reading the placard] The Rory Gilmore Astronomy Building. RORY: Um, grandpa... EMILY: They're going to start construction this summer, so it should be up and running by Christmas. RORY: Is this the actual lettering? I mean, is this the scale? RICHARD: I don't know. Although the style is very dignified. EMILY: I'm sure we can request this lettering if you like. RICHARD: It's your building, so why not? RORY: Because the lettering would be 30 feet high. LORELAI: Well honey it's the astronomy building. You have to be able to see it from space. RICHARD: I don't know whether it's to scale. RORY: Well is there someone we can call to check? EMILY: Relax, Rory. She's so modest. LORELAI: Relax, Rory. Remember when you wanted a personalized license plate? So much better. EMILY: We're going to try to get them to add another floor so that it's taller than everything around it. RICHARD: Make it stand out a bit more. RORY: More than this?! LORELAI: I love the portrait idea. RORY: Who's not helping? LORELAI: Hmm? GERTA: Excuse me, everyone. Christopher Hayden has arrived. [The girls look surprised] EMILY: Christopher, how wonderful. Come in. Come in. LORELAI: W-what are you doing here? CHRISTOPHER: I was invited. [Leans down to kiss Lorelai on the cheek, then Rory] LORELAI: [Sounding like she's 16] Shut up! Me too! EMILY: We promised Christopher a home cooked meal last time we saw him, and since we're leaving for Europe, for the next 2 months, [kisses Emily] this was the last chance we had to make good on that promise. RICHARD: You can call a Gilmore many things, but you can't call him a welsher. LORELAI: What are the things you can call him, just for future reference? CHRISTOPHER: I'm very grateful for the invitation, Emily. RICHARD: Martini, Christopher? CHRISTOPHER: Sounds good. What's this? LORELAI: Oh it's Rory's building. RORY: It's not my building. CHRISTOPHER: It's got your name on it. Wow are those letters to scale? RORY: Oh, boy. CHRISTOPHER: 'Cause it's gonna be huge. RORY: Yeah. Okay dad, you can take my seat because I have to go legally change my name and transfer to brown. LORELAI: Honey, now come on. We have teased you way worse than this before. Remember when you were 10 and thought you discovered U2? RORY: I should get going. Logan's leaving in the morning. EMILY: Oh, that's right. Tell him to have a safe trip. RORY: I will. EMILY: [Doorbell rings] My goodness. It's grand central station here tonight. Come on, Rory. I'll walk you out. LORELAI: Bye, honey. RORY: Bye. RICHARD: Christopher. [hands him a drink] CHRISTOPHER: Thank you. So, he's leaving, huh? LORELAI: Yeah he's going to London to work for his dad. RICHARD: She should be very proud of that boy. LORELAI: She should buy him an observatory. EMILY: [Coming back in to the room] Well, look who I found outside. RICHARD: Oh. Carolyn. CAROLYN: Hello, Richard. How wonderful to see you, especially standing so close to a martini. RICHARD: [Chuckling] Oh, Carolyn, that sense of humor of yours. One martini coming right up. EMILY: Carolyn, this is my daughter, Lorelai. Lorelai, this is Carolyn Bates..."Lynnie" to those in the know. LORELAI: Oh, am I in the know? CAROLYN: You are now. Nice to meet you. LORELAI: You too. EMILY: And, Lynnie, this is Christopher Hayden. CHRISTOPHER: Nice to meet you. RORY: Lynnie, olives or a twist? CAROLYN: Olives, please. EMILY: Lynnie's mother and I go so far back, I'm embarrassed to talk about it. Lorelai, you remember my talking about Marie Randle. We were roommates in college. LORELAI: ar-hu EMILY: Well, Lynnie is her daughter, and she just moved to Hartford, so, of course, we promised her a dinner. And since we're going to be out of town for the next couple of months, tonight seemed like the perfect opportunity. LORELAI: Tonight she's settling up all old debts, huh? RICHARD: Lynnie, I've got your two olives. CAROLYN: Thank you very much, Richard. EMILY: [Too Lorelai] Move. LORELAI: What? EMILY: Move [grabbing Lorelai's arm] LORELAI: Ow! The arm is supposed to be connected to the body! EMILY: Lynnie, sit down next to Christopher. Lorelai's gonna sit with me. CAROLYN: Okay. EMILY: You know Lynnie is a psychologist. Isn't that fascinating? CAROLYN: I do a lot of work with family counseling, runaways and drug recovery. LORELAI: Arm-yanking rehab. [Emily pinches her] Ow! EMILY: Lynnie just moved here from Maine. Isn't that interesting? I've never been to Maine. Christopher: Have you ever been to Maine? CHRISTOPHER: Uh, no, but I like lobster. CAROLYN: Well, then, you're in. [Laughter] EMILY: I tell you, Lynnie, you're a card, just like your mother. Christopher you should meet her mother. [Lorelai and Chris share a look] She's a stitch. Isn't Lynnie's mother a stitch, Richard? RICHARD: She's an entire seam, Emily. EMILY: It's so important to find someone who can make you laugh. I was always so envious of Johnny Carson's wives. I just thought these women must do nothing but laugh all the time. How's your drink, Lynnie? CAROLYN: Very potent. Thank you, Emily. EMILY: Well, potent is good because tonight is a party. Which reminds me, Christopher Lynnie once threw her mother the most wonderful birthday party. I think she made the cake herself, didn't you, Lynnie? [She nods] Oh, these days a woman who can bake is a rare treasure, isn't she? And Lynnie is a Leo. STARS HOLLOW - TOWN SQUARE [More bands are playing] [Sonic Youth are playing "What a Waste"] SONIC YOUTH: [Singing] Give me hollow stimulation it's so sleazy to be free Let's invest in dull creation thrill city cheap legacy what a waste you're so chaste I can't wait to taste your face TAYLOR: Stop, go home this is private property, stop that jumping, stop that jumping right now, there's no jumping in the town square. Officer Ruskin, what took you so long? I called you hours ago. OFFICER RUSKIN: Well, I'm here now, Taylor. What do you need? TAYLOR: Handcuff these ruffians and take them away. OFFICER RUSKIN: In what? TAYLOR: In your car. OFFICER RUSKIN: Well, I came on my bike. TAYLOR: Why? OFFICER RUSKIN: Fred took the car. Plus my handcuffs are broken. TAYLOR: Well, then, find an appropriate vehicle to haul them away. OFFICER RUSKIN: My sister has an S.U.V. But she's out of town, though. TAYLOR: Well, then, line them up and have them follow you to jail. OFFICER RUSKIN: I could do that, but it's a single cell, though. It holds two, maybe three if they're not fat. And we don't have any food. TAYLOR: Oh, forget it...Barney Fife. OFFICER RUSKIN: My brother has a pinto. TAYLOR: Patty, don't do that. MISS PATTY: But they're hungry. TAYLOR: If you feed them, they won't go away. TROUBADOUR: Taylor! How'd you let this happen? This is my turf, Taylor! TAYLOR: How did I let this happen? This is your fault. You had to go off and make it in the big time, and now they're all copying you. TROUBADOUR: The big time? I made 700 bucks and got booed. And I never even met Neil Young. Heart of gold, my ass. TAYLOR: I suddenly feel very tired. MISS PATTY: Would you like a tiramisu? TAYLOR: No, I think I'd just like to go to bed. Tell everybody to try and keep it down. God, I hate music. DANIEL PALLADINO: [Singing] A beaver ate my thumb a beaver ate my thumb a doctor gave me rum 'cause a beaver ate my thumb wow! GILMORE MANSION - LIVING ROOM CAROLYN: How old? CHRISTOPHER: 4 going on 40. EMILY: And a doll, a living doll. CAROLYN: Enjoy them while their legs are still short enough for you to overtake them. CHRISTOPHER: That's good advice, doc, thanks. LORELAI: Excuse me. I'm just gonna go to the restroom. EMILY: Well, hurry back. Dinner's almost on. LORELAI: Yes, ma'am. CAROLYN: My sister just had twins last week. CHRISTOPHER: Twins? Wow, that sounds... CAROLYN: loud? CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckling] Exactly. EMILY: I'm sorry, I know I'm being very forward, but the picture of the two of you sitting there so young, so beautiful, it's almost like looking at a shampoo ad. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to the restroom, Lorelai entering] LORELAI: Oh, my god. What are you doing? CHRISTOPHER: [Closes the door] What do you mean what am I doing? I thought "restroom" was code for "follow me, and we'll talk about how to get you out of this." LORELAI: What the hell kind of spy school did you go to? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, I'm here now, so let's figure out how to get me out of this. LORELAI: Out of what? CHRISTOPHER: What do you mean, "out of what"? This is a setup. LORELAI: So it seems. CHRISTOPHER: I can't believe Emily would do this. LORELAI: You're talking about Emily Dickinson, right? 'Cause Emily Gilmore was made to do this. CHRISTOPHER: I thought I was having dinner with you and Rory. I didn't realize I was going on a date. LORELAI: Well luckily you didn't get ugly overnight. CHRISTOPHER: Thanks a lot, by the way. LORELAI: What did I do? CHRISTOPHER: Nothing! You're just sitting there, not saying anything. LORELAI: What are you talking about? When mom said, "doesn't he look like Cary Grant?" I said, "yes." CHRISTOPHER: You're just letting this happen. LORELAI: I'm not just letting this happen. CHRISTOPHER: You can't see that I'm miserable out there? LORELAI: No, I can't. You seem fine. You're talking to her. CHRISTOPHER: She's talking to me what am I supposed to do, slap her in the mouth? LORELAI: That would be a conversation stopper. CHRISTOPHER: I assumed at some point you'd jump in and try and save me. LORELAI: By doing what? CHRISTOPHER: I don't know, deflect, detract, get the conversation off her and me and us. LORELAI: I'm sorry. I didn't know you needed saving. CHRISTOPHER: [Laughing] Oh, come on. LORELAI: "Oh, come on"? How do I know you don't want to date her? You're single. She's single. You're pretty. She's pretty. It's how all great divorces start. CHRISTOPHER: How did I used to get out of here? LORELAI: What are you talking about? CHRISTOPHER: In high school, I'd be in your room. I had several ways of sneaking out of here. LORELAI: Chris! CHRISTOPHER: Which drainpipe was it that I used to crawl down? LORELAI: Christopher! CHRISTOPHER: I think I used to get to it from the attic window, does the attic window still access the drainpipe that drops you off by the garage? LORELAI: You do know you're grown up now. You can just walk out the front door. CHRISTOPHER: If I just leave, I'll insult your parents. LORELAI: But vanishing into thin air, way more polite. CHRISTOPHER: It's only 8:00! This night's gonna last forever. We haven't even had dinner yet. LORELAI: [Laughs] Relax. Now that I know you're not interested in her... CHRISTOPHER: I'm not! LORELAI: Okay. Now that I know, I can help you out. CHRISTOPHER: You will? LORELAI: Yeah, I got your back. CHRISTOPHER: Okay, thank you. LORELAI: You're welcome. I know you always got mine. CHRISTOPHER: Always. LORELAI: So, it wasn't code, you know. I got to... CHRISTOPHER: Yes, right. I'll see you back in the living room. LORELAI: Yeah. [cut to the dinning room] RICHARD: Very interesting dinner, Emily. EMILY: It's paella. I got the recipe from Hilde Macintosh , whose son married a Spanish girl. God knows how long it's going to last, but the food at their wedding was wonderful. Do you like it, Lynnie? CAROLYN: I do. EMILY: Not too spicy? CAROLYN: I like spicy food. EMILY: Do you? Well, Christopher, did you hear that? Lynnie likes spicy food, and so do you. Isn't that something? CHRISTOPHER: Uh, yes. Small world. LORELAI: Hey, Lynnie, I have a recurring dream where a walrus waddles up, lies down on me, falls asleep, and I can't breathe. What do you think it means? RICHARD: Lorelai... LORELAI: What dad Lynnie is a psychologist. She should know. CAROLYN: It's okay. Umm It could mean a myriad of things, too much stress at work, something in your life is strangling you, you've read "Alice in Wonderland" too many times. EMILY: Touch , Lynnie. RICHARD: She's got wit and wisdom, this one. EMILY: You know, Christopher does the Sunday New York times puzzle every single week. LORELAI: Hey, what's it called when you're afraid of spiders? CAROLYN: Arachnophobia. EMILY: You have arachnophobia? LORELAI: No. RICHARD: Thank goodness. LORELAI: What's it called when you're afraid of people who are afraid of spiders? 'Cause that one I've got. EMILY: Oh, lord. CAROLYN: I don't think there's a technical term for that yet. LORELAI: How about arachnophobiaphobia? 'Cause that makes sense. EMILY: You know, Christopher, Lynnie... LORELAI: voices in your head, totally normal right? CAROLYN: Excuse me? LORELAI: There's only two... that speak English. EMILY: Lorelai, eat your Paella. RORY: So, Christopher, how's business going? CHRISTOPHER: It's really been picking up lately. CAROLYN: What do you do? CHRISTOPHER: Oh, I'm in computer software. CAROLYN: That sounds exciting. CHRISTOPHER: Can be, it's a lot of traveling, actually... CAROLYN: I love traveling. It's one thing I miss about my job. LORELAI: You know what I think is even better than traveling? Time-traveling. Do you think that's possible? CAROLYN: I would have no idea. EMILY: Lorelai, are you having some kind of breakdown? RICHARD: You're very quiet, Christopher. CHRISTOPHER: Well, I, uh - LORELAI: Lynnie, as a psychologist, tell me what do you think of "The Sopranos"? CAROLYN: Actually, I miss Adriana. LORELAI: Oh, so do I. EMILY: Lorelai! LORELAI: What? I was serious about that one. EMILY: That's it. No more talk until dessert. ELEVATOR TO LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Doors open] COLIN: Come on! One more stop! LOGAN: I can't. FINN: But tomorrow you'll fly away to London and we will forget all about you. LOGAN: I'm touched, but Rory will be back in a minute. COLIN: You know I'm starting to get the feeling you'd rather be with her, than us. FINN: Impossible. LOGAN: I appreciate the drinks and the diversion. Your friendship is worth a couple pages in my memoir. But as of now, it's goodbye. I'm spending the rest of the night alone with my girl. [The apartment door opens] RORY: [British accent] Hello, governor. Chips? LOGAN: I'm sorry. I was looking for my girlfriend. RORY: Oh, I'm sorry, mate. No girlfriends here. Just us birds and blokes taking the piss out of each other. They make there way in] LOGAN: Your accent is terrible, by the way. RORY: Just go with it, you geezer. Now we've heard that you're about to fly away to old blighty, and word 'round the pub has it you're not happy about it. LOGAN: Well, I'm leaving a couple people I'm pretty fond of... and some people I'm a little afraid of, but all in all... RORY: Well, we're just going to have to change your mind, because London, you see, is a place of fun and musical excitement, the queen, hello! Magazine. LOGAN: You're gonna break into a chorus of "Imim Chimney" any minute. RORY: Shush, now. None of that talk. Because tomorrow, brilliant things will happen, a new life, a new adventure. You like adventure, don't you, mate? Well, London is certainly the place for that, and we, frankly, would not be the fine chaps we claim to be if we did not send you off in a proper way, [Raises her voice] with the bash of a lifetime! [cheering from the party goers] Come on. Someone get this chap a pint. See if you can't be happy, at least you can be drunk. LOGAN: Kiss me, Mary Poppins. RORY: [Normal voice] Really I thought it was more Gwyneth Paltrow, "Shakespeare in love." LOGAN: Kiss me. MAN: To the queen! EVERYONE: To the queen! [Cheers] GILMORE MANSION - INTERIOR [Front door] EMILY: Well, that was a complete waste of time. LORELAI: What are you talking about? EMILY: I'm talking about Christopher and Carolyn leaving separately. LORELAI: Well, come on, mom. What did you think? They were gonna throw down and consummate it right here in the foyer? EMILY: No, I didn't think they were gonna throw down and consummate it in the foyer. I just thought they could go out for coffee. LORELAI: You served them coffee. EMILY: So what? LORELAI: You can't be shocked when you serve people three cups of coffee, and they don't feel like going out for coffee. Not everyone is me. EMILY: I just thought they would have hit it off better, than that. LORELAI: Well you never know with these things. EMILY: I was just so sure. Oh, well. Maybe next time. LORELAI: Absolutely. EMILY: Christopher's probably too immature for Lynnie, anyway. LORELAI: I'm sure he is. EMILY: The way he was going on and on about that motorcycle of his. I half expected him to start talking about his Tonka truck and announcing to the room he wanted to be a fireman or a cowboy someday. LORELAI: Sure is nice when it's not me. All right, bye, mom. Have a nice trip. EMILY: Goodbye, Lorelai. [Shuts the door] Gerta, did I fire you? GERTA: No. EMILY: Really? Everything's off tonight. [Cut to exterior, Lorelai making her way to the Jeep.] CAROLYN: You also know that it is one meal, and one meal does not a lifestyle make. That's okay, Sandra. All right. Okay. Call anytime. I'll talk to you on Monday. [Too Lorelai] Sorry. I'm blocking you in. LORELAI: No, no, that's okay. So, you do sessions over the phone? CAROLYN: I do sessions whenever people need them. LORELAI: Wow. That's quite a commitment. CAROLYN: Well, I've always been a good listener. Excellent note-taker. I have fantastic penmanship. Good head-nodding abilities. LORELAI: You found your calling. CAROLYN: [Chuckles] I think I did. LORELAI: So, it was nice meeting you. CAROLYN: Oh, you too. You too. This was, this was really very sweet of your mom. LORELAI: Well, you keep thinking that. CAROLYN: Hey, it's been a long time since I've been invited to such a blatant setup. It made me miss my own mom. [Cell phone rings] Oh, I'll just let it go to voice mail. LORELAI: Your work sure follows you around, huh? CAROLYN: When you're going through something, you never know when you're gonna need to talk. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. LORELAI: Yeah, I suppose so. CAROLYN: You okay? LORELAI: Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm good. It was really nice meeting you. Sorry if I talked too much during dinner. Every now and then, I just feel the need to re-enact certain key scenes from "Purple Rain," you know, for a captive audience. The lake Minnetonka scene really bugs my mom, so... CAROLYN: I could analyze that one for you if you want. LORELAI: That one, I've got a handle on. Other things are more fuzzy, but that one, I got. CAROLYN: Okay. [awkward pause] Lorelai? LORELAI: Yeah? CAROLYN: Do you... do you want to talk about something? LORELAI: Me? No, no, I'm good. It was nice meeting you. Bye. I got to go. [Cut to inside Carolyn's car, Lorelai in sitting in the back, Carolyn in the drivers seat] LORELAI: My parents have been married for 40 years, and that's, like, mind-blowing for me because there is no one worse at communication than my mother, except my father and most of my relatives. It is not a chatty group, basically. Everything in the Gilmore house was "don't talk about it. Shove it aside." Of course, I talked about it and shoved it right in your face, but still, I don't know. I never saw myself getting married. CAROLYN: Never? LORELAI: Not until max asked me... I think. I mean I guess I thought about marrying Christopher when everyone was freaking out because I was pregnant, but I never thought about it in a longingly, good way. CAROLYN: That could be why. LORELAI: Why? CAROLYN: Well, marriage was just a solution to a problem, not anything romantic or because you were in love. Plus it came from your parents. LORELAI: I love that I've got one more thing to blame my mother for. CAROLYN: What about max? Did you love him? LORELAI: No, I didn't. I wanted to, but...I didn't. I don't think I never really loved anyone, until Luke. Did I tell you I proposed? CAROLYN: No. You didn't. LORELAI: I did. I saw this guy in front of me who was a real...man. He was solid, and he was strong. He would protect me, but he, he got me. I knew all that when we started dating. But that moment, when I realized how much he cared for Rory, that was it. Suddenly I knew I was ready. CAROLYN: Did he accept right away? LORELAI: Pretty much...Hey, where's the weirdest place you ever had a session? CAROLYN: Skull mountain at six flags. LORELAI: So, not this. CAROLYN: Nope, not this. LORELAI: Well, not only have I screwed up your night, but it's not even a good story. CAROLYN: It's still a pretty good story. LORELAI: Yeah, that's good, 'cause I like to entertain. You know. I should have been a monkey in Washington square park with, like, a snappy hat. I feel so stupid. I really had myself believing it was gonna happen. I bought that stupid dress, and now it's just hanging there, mocking me. And the crazy thing is, I am ready to get married. I am ready to start the next phase of my life. I want another kid, and I, I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to be patient. I've been patient long enough. I'm not happy, and I feel crappy all the time. And I just think I've had it. CAROLYN: So...what are you gonna do? Only you can make you wait. Nobody else can. You need to decide what you want and what you're willing to give up to get it, and then you got to be okay with that, or you got to be okay with waiting. LORELAI: I could lose him if I push too hard. CAROLYN: You don't really seem to have him now, at least not the way you want to have him. You won't get anything unless you ask for it. And if you ask for it and you don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place. Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were. LORELAI: I can only imagine what you could do if you had a couch. LOGAN'S APARTMENT [Party is still going on] RORY: Want to put money on who nails the queen? LOGAN: I think her highness is pretty safe tonight. RORY: Why? I thought Jenny and Paul broke up. LOGAN: They got back together this morning. RORY: Do the boys know? LOGAN: No. RORY: Are you gonna tell them? LOGAN: No. RORY: Well, watching your best friends waste precious scoring moments, you can get kicked out of the club for that. LOGAN: Yeah, well... you know, I have given a lot of great parties in my lifetime. RORY: Oh, I know. LOGAN: But I do believe that this one has topped them all. RORY: Hey, it's not over. We have hours to go. There's plenty of beer left, and no one's slugged Finn yet, so... LOGAN: Thank you. RORY: My pleasure... You want more beer? LOGAN: No. RORY: More Twiglets, Cadburys? LOGAN: I'm good. RORY: Do you want try the Frug again? 'Cause I think my cramp has gone away. LOGAN: Tell me not to go. RORY: What? LOGAN: Tell me not to get on that plane. Tell me to blow off my father, the paper, the whole Huntzberger destiny. Just tell me I can figure something else out. Just tell me not to go. RORY: Well, I can't do that. LOGAN: Hey, you afraid the teacher's gonna see or something? [Music playing by Petula Clark] PETULA CLARK: Don't stand in the pouring rain, don't sleep in the subway... LUKE'S DINER LUKE: No, I can't just charge you for half a cup of coffee. TROUBADOUR: But I'm not gonna drink the whole cup. Seems like a gyp. LUKE: Well. [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Hey. I need to talk to you. LUKE: Where have you been? LORELAI: It doesn't matter. LUKE: What are you talking about it doesn't matter, I've been looking everywhere for you. I tried your cell. I went by the inn. Patty was at your house. LORELAI: Let's elope. LUKE: [Stunned] What? LORELAI: Come on, Luke. Grab your keys. Let's go. LUKE: Elope? LORELAI: You said that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard. Didn't you say that would be fine at Martha's Vineyard? LUKE: Yes, I did. I'm just... LORELAI: Come on, then! Let's go! We can drive to Maryland. What the hell, right? I mean, you have to see Maryland eventually. We can drive there, get married, and then come back here. And you'll get your stuff, and you'll move in. LUKE: Okay, hold on. LORELAI: I mean we have the plan already, right? We just have to put the plan in motion. LUKE: Let's calm down. We don't have to figure all this out now, do we? LORELAI: Yes, we do, because we've been waiting and putting it off, and I don't want to put it off anymore. LUKE: But right now? LORELAI: Yes, now is the right time. It's the best time because it's now! LUKE: Come on. [Opens the door] LORELAI: Your car or mine? LUKE: Lorelai, let's just talk this through. LORELAI: No I don't wanna talk, all we've done for months is talk. I want to do. I want to go. LUKE: We can't just take off and get married. LORELAI: Why not, Luke? Don't you love me? LUKE: You know I do. LORELAI: But I love you, Luke. I love you. But I have waited, and I have stayed away, and I have let you run this thing, and no more. I asked you to marry me, and you said yes. LUKE: Yeah, I'm just trying to think here. LORELAI: We fixed up the house, right? We have a bigger closet, and I didn't get the purple wallpaper because you didn't want the purple wallpaper. And if it's between you and the purple wallpaper, I pick you! LUKE: I didn't tell you not to get the purple wallpaper. LORELAI: Oh my God you didn't like it. LUKE: I don't care about wallpaper! LORELAI: Do you care about me? LUKE: Yes! LORELAI: Because I'm going crazy here. I made a commitment to you, and I need to make it happen. LUKE: It will, it will happen, okay? I just have April to consider. LORELAI: But once we're married, everything with April will be fine. Anna said so. LUKE: Anna said so, what does that mean? LORELAI: When I talked to Anna... LUKE: When did you talk to Anna? LORELAI: After the party... LUKE: I didn't know you talked to Anna, you weren't supposed to talk to Anna. LORELAI: I know. I'm sor... God, no! I'm not gonna defend myself! For months now, I've been skulking around not saying anything, not having an opinion, like I'm Clarence Thomas or something, and I... I'm done with that. I-I've been waiting for a long time, and I don't want to wait anymore. LUKE: I have to think this through. LORELAI: No! LUKE: I have April! LORELAI: You're gonna have to figure out how April fits into our lives, not the other way around. LUKE: I'm trying. LORELAI: Well, try married! LUKE: Just wait! LORELAI: No! I'm not waiting! It's now or never! LUKE: I don't like ultimatums! LORELAI: I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually. LUKE: I can't just jump like this. LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. [Sniffles] And I have to go. [Luke looks stunned as Lorelai walks away] [Sam Phillips playing "Taking Pictures"] SAM PHILLIPS: [Singing] When I take a picture of the city it disappears it's only a photograph the city is gone places I go are never there the places I go are never the-e-e-e-re and nostalgia isn't what it used to be I can only picture the disappearing world when you touch me. EXTERIOR CHRIS'S APARTMENT [Lorelai knocks] CHRISTOPHER: Hey. LORELAI: [Almost crying] Hey. CHRISTOPHER: You okay? LORELAI: Uh, I'm having a really bad night, and, um... I just don't want to be alone. Okay? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. Uh, come on in. LOGAN'S APARTMENT - MORNING [Rory is asleep] LOGAN: Rory. RORY: Logan? LOGAN: Don't get up. RORY: You're dressed. Why are you dressed? LOGAN: My bags are already in the car. RORY: The car? LOGAN: It's downstairs. I just wanted to tell you... RORY: [Jumps up out of bed] I'll be five minutes. I just have to find the closet. LOGAN: Relax. RORY: I'll just grab shoes and a coat. LOGAN: No. RORY: No shoes. Just a coat. LOGAN: You don't have to come. RORY: Your leaving, I have to go with you to the airport. LOGAN: No. RORY: I have to go to say goodbye. LOGAN: Rory, no. RORY: Yes. I have to wave to you at the gate. LOGAN: They won't let you. They'll stop you at security. RORY: Okay, well, I'll wave to you at the metal detectors. LOGAN: Rory... RORY: I have to go with you. LOGAN: No! RORY: Yes. You are leaving for London. Who knows when we'll see each other again? LOGAN: I thought that was all set. RORY: What was all set? LOGAN: Christmas, thanksgiving, Guy Fawkes day. RORY: That's so far away. I... LOGAN: Rory, if you come with me, I won't get on the plane...I've paid for the apartment for the next year, so you don't have to worry about that. There's still a few weeks left on the car service, so use it whenever you want. I know that you won't, but just in case you need to. I'll call you when I get in, okay? RORY: [Sniffles] [They kiss] LOGAN: What? RORY: [Sniffles] I keep trying to think of fabulous things to say, but all I can think is, "say hi to William and Harry for me." [Sniffles] LOGAN: I love you, ace. RORY: [Chuckles] That's so much better than "say hi to William and Harry for me." [They kiss again] LOGAN: I have to go. [Rory is trying nor to cry as Logan gathers his stuff, Rory goes to the door to watch him get in the lift] BEDROOM - CHRIS'S APARTMENT [Lorelai is asleep and appears naked under the bed sheets, single camera shot all the following action happens be hide Lorelai.] CHRISTOPHER: [OS] G.G., Come get your coat. G.G.: [OS] Not that coat. The pink coat. CHRISTOPHER: [OS] Miriam, where's the pink coat? MIRIAM: [OS] She doesn't have a pink coat. CHRISTOPHER: [OS] G.G.! Come back here! [Lorelai opens her eyes, without moving she wonders where she is.] G.G.: [enters the room] Who is that? CHRISTOPHER: Shh! That's your aunt Lorelai. G.G. : Is she sick? CHRISTOPHER: No. [Picking up G.G. and handing her to the maid] Miriam... MIRIAM: Sorry, Mr. Hayden. G.G. : I don't like to wear my nightgown to bed when I'm sick, either. CHRISTOPHER: I'll explain later. Have fun at school. Bye-bye hon. [Chris closes the door, takes off his rode and gets back into bed, He has a very pleased look on his face. He puts his arm around Lorelai.] [Lorelai has a stunned look on her face, "Sad Realization" of what had happened.]

The town troubadour departs Stars Hollow for his Neil Young gig, creating a stampede of would-be troubadours to town, including the bands Sparks , Sonic Youth , and Yo La Tengo . Logan graduates and leaves for London. Emily and Richard try to set Christopher up with Carolyn Bates ( Melora Hardin ). The Lorelai-Luke love affair may be over.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x22

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x22_0

THE ENEMY OF THE WORLD by DAVID WHITAKER first broadcast - 27th January 1968 running time - 21mins 41secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. FIELD, JUST OUTSIDE THE TUNNEL ENTRANCE (ASTRID has escaped from the caravan, and is hiding behind some bushes. Nearby, a wounded SWANN is staggering out of the tunnel. ASTRID crawls through the bushes, and notices SWANN.) SWANN: (Calling out.) Help! Somebody help me. ASTRID: Ohhh... who did this to you? SWANN: A man named... Salamander. ASTRID: Salamander? SWANN: (Pointing towards the tunnel.) He did it... down there... ASTRID: Down there? [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INTERROGATION ROOM BRUCE: Now wait a moment! Are you seriously trying to tell me without a shred of evidence that Salamander is attacking the world with natural disasters? JAMIE: He must be. DOCTOR: That's what I believe! BRUCE: But it's beyond belief! How could he possibly... DOCTOR: I'm sure we'll find proof in the Records Room. BRUCE: Maybe. But that's where Salamander is. DOCTOR: Ahhh... well we shall have to wait until he comes out, won't we? (Suddenly, BENIK strides into the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. OUTSIDE THE TUNNEL (SWANN starts mumbling.) ASTRID: What? SWANN: Water... ASTRID: (Looking towards the tunnel.) Yes. SWANN: No no, Salamander's place... Danger... ASTRID: Right. Be careful. I'll get you some water. SWANN: (Weakly.) Salamander... [SCENE_BREAK] 4. RESEARCH CENTRE SALAMANDER: Really Benik, I'm beginning to wondering why I pay you such a monstrously high salary. Worrying me over trifles. Make your own decision! Is that all? BENIK: You have to sign these passes for the hovertruck food supply. SALAMANDER: What, now? BENIK: Well you always told me they had priority over everything. SALAMANDER: Oh very well. BENIK: By the way? SALAMANDER: Yes? BENIK: The door to the Record Room is jammed. It was alright when you came out, wasn't it? SALAMANDER: Oh, yes. BENIK: Well it won't open now. May I have your key? SALAMANDER: Aha. I'm going mad. I left it in there, what a fool. Ha ha ha. BENIK: It's alright, I'll use the emergency key. SALAMANDER: Yes, do that will you? Right away. Oh please don't wait for these. (BENIK leaves.) DOCTOR: (Own voice.) That was close. BRUCE: How long was he standing there listening to us? DOCTOR: I don't know. JAMIE: D'you think he's on to us? DOCTOR: I hope not. But he's done us a good turn in bringing me these. This'll interest you, Bruce. BRUCE: Hmm? DOCTOR: How many people you say work in the research centre? BRUCE: Fewer than you'd think. It's fully automated, you know. Six engineers, and six guards on duty at any one time. DOCTOR: A dozen, eh? Will you tell me why thirty people are catered for here? [SCENE_BREAK] 5. FIELD, OUTSIDE THE TUNNEL SWANN: The war, h-how bad was the war? ASTRID: War? I didn't understand you. (SWANN groans weakly.) ASTRID: I wish there was something I could do for you. SWANN: What's he done? What's he done? He's kept us prisoners. Listen, there are others... there are more people down the shaft... Salamander's kept us down there, prisoners, years of it. Promise you'll bring them to the surface. Swear it... You've got to swear it... (SWANN dies.) ASTRID: I swear it. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. RESEARCH CENTRE DOCTOR: (Into intercom, as SALAMANDER.) This is Salamander. I want a security escort to come to the interrogation room immediately. I'm releasing two prisoners. They are to be conducted to the main gates and set free. Is that understood? Good. (As himself.) Well I hope that works. JAMIE: So do I. VICTORIA: What do you want us to do when we get outside? BRUCE: There are plenty of public phones in the area. Dial double zero one and ask for a man named Forrester. JAMIE: Eh? BRUCE: He's my deputy to this area. VICTORIA: Double zero one Forrester. BRUCE: Tell him where I am and just say "redhead". VICTORIA: Redhead. BRUCE: Redhead. Is that clear? JAMIE: Redhead? Is that your wife? BRUCE: It's our emergency call. JAMIE: Sorry. (The intercom buzzes.) DOCTOR: (As SALAMANDER.) Salamander... Is the, is the pass in order?... Very well, you have my authority. JAMIE: What's all that about? DOCTOR: We have a visitor. Now Bruce, you're going to get your proof, but I want you to do one thing. BRUCE: What? DOCTOR: I want you to take my two friends to the gates and see they get away all right. BRUCE: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: You are to go straight to the TARDIS as soon as you can. JAMIE: No. Wait a minute... BRUCE: What is this "Tardis"? VICTORIA: It's a sort of spacesh... house. House we live in. BRUCE: I don't think you heard me the first time. What are you going to do? [SCENE_BREAK] 7. SHELTER MARY: Please eat some of them Colin. COLIN: I will, but later. (The buzzer sounds, indicating the arrival of the elevator from the surface.) MARY: He's coming back. COLIN: Right, this time I'm going to have it out with Salamander. (The door opens. ASTRID emerges. The survivors fall silent.) MAN: Who's that? (They edge back.) ASTRID: Where are you? MAN: Keep away. Get back. ASTRID: I've come to help you. (Panic breaks out.) WOMAN: The radiation! ASTRID: Please, don't. Please... COLIN: It's a girl, a human being. WOMAN: And the radiation. COLIN: What's the matter with you? Are you all mad? Get back! Get back! ASTRID: Oooh. Thanks. COLIN: First, don't move. I don't know who you are, but you must be carrying radiation. ASTRID: What? COLIN: You're from the surface, aren't you? ASTRID: Radiation? How'd you get down here? COLIN: Did you see Salamander? And Swann? What about Swann? ASTRID: Swann sent me. MARY: Swann? Where is he? ASTRID: He's dead. (There are cries of disbelief.) MARY: You see, Colin, Salamander was right. He always said if we went up to the surface we'd die of radiation. ASTRID: No, not radiation. Salamander killed him. VARIOUS: No. No. I don't believe her. She's lying. ASTRID: He's been keeping you prisoners, I don't know why. VARIOUS: No. No. ASTRID: Now listen to me... COLIN: Now wait! We must decontaminate you. There's equipment in Salamander's control room. In there. VARIOUS: Yes. In here. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CONTROL ROOM COLIN: In there. (ASTRID enters. COLIN switches on the detector. It beeps.) COLIN: See. Radiation. (The beeping dies out.) COLIN: You can come out now. ASTRID: I'm alright? COLIN: Yes. Now, tell us. What's this about Swann? ASTRID: No. Just watch. Look at the meter. (She holds a ruler in front of it. It beeps once again.) ASTRID: The machine's a fake. Is this ruler contaminated? Look. See those valves. There's an invisible ray. Break it, and it works the meter. COLIN: But Salamander... MARY: He built it. He always uses it when he comes down. ASTRID: Yes I know, to try to convince you for some reason or other that there's radiation above ground. MARY: There is. The war. ASTRID: War? What war? COLIN: Where is he? Where's Salamander? ASTRID: That's just what I would like to know. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. RESEARCH STATION GUARD CAPTAIN: Wait. Where are you going? JAMIE: Leader Salamander's orders. CAPTAIN: What orders? JAMIE: He's released us. CAPTAIN: I wasn't informed. BRUCE: I was. CAPTAIN: Where are the release papers? BRUCE: Are you questioning my word? CAPTAIN: No, of course not, sir, but there are strict rules. BRUCE: Rules? Really? You forget, I'm world Security Controller. I make rules and break them. And men, Captain. Come on, you two. CAPTAIN: Find Deputy Benik. Quickly. GUARD: Sir! [SCENE_BREAK] 10. SHELTER (There is discord amongst the survivors as the truth dawns on them.) ASTRID: But I can only take two at a time. MARY: I'm sure they all understand that. COLIN: Where is he? I must find Salamander. MARY: Are you sure you don't want me to wait here with them? ASTRID: No. Now that Swann's dead you two seem to be the leaders. After what you've told me we must confront the man that started all this, face to face. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. OUTSIDE THE RECORDS ROOM GUARD: Yes, sir, the door's jammed and I can't get a view of the inside of it all. BENIK: Right. So Bruce and the rest of them are in the interrogation room? GUARD: Yes sir. The Captain felt something was wrong and so do I sir. One minute Leader Salamander's locked in the Records room, the next he's in the interrogation room. It doesn't make sense, sir. BENIK: Of course it doesn't make sense if you haven't got any sense. Just stand guard and try and keep your wits about you. GUARD: Yes sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. RECORDS ROOM SALAMANDER: Giles Kent. What are you doing here? KENT: Oh, I've been looking forward to this meeting. You're getting careless. You didn't double lock the doors. Oh, its all right, I've done it now. The only way anybody can get through there is to blast their way through. SALAMANDER: How did you get into the Research Centre? KENT: Oh, you know me. There isn't a pass in the world I can't get my hands on if I put my mind to it. SALAMANDER: You won't find it so easy getting out. KENT: Really? Well we'll see. I'm not on my own this time. I've got friends here with me. And between us we're going to fix you once and for all. SALAMANDER: You always were a tiresome man, Kent. KENT: I'm going to be more than tiresome this time. You know the biggest mistake you ever made was not killing me when you had the chance. SALAMANDER: Oh so you going to kill me huh? How petty. What good do you think that will do? KENT: Hold it! Now don't move quickly, my nerves are a bit shaky at the moment. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. OUTSIDE THE RECORDS ROOM BRUCE: We must get in there somehow. BENIK: We can't without the emergency key, and Salamander has it in there. GUARD: We could burn our way in. BENIK: Never. BRUCE: Why not? BENIK: It's an X-structure alloy, you'd hardly scratch the surface. BRUCE: We'll have to try it. Get the gear up here. Fast! [SCENE_BREAK] 14. RECORDS ROOM KENT: Ha ha ha. Never get away with it? Oh, that's good, coming from you. Don't you realize you're dispensable, and the world is going to get along fine without you from now on. The only good idea you ever had in your life was getting rid of me and you couldn't even do that properly, could you? Ha ha ha. And now I'm back and you're finished. (From outside, the sound of machinery can be heard.) KENT: Oh, what's that? SALAMANDER: They're breaking down the door. KENT: They don't appear to be having much success. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. OUTSIDE THE RECORDS ROOM GUARD: It's not cutting, sir. BRUCE: Never mind, keep at it. GUARD: It's no good sir. BRUCE: Keep going! [SCENE_BREAK] 16. RECORDS ROOM SALAMANDER: You're trapped, aren't you? KENT: You're a fool, Salamander. You don't think I'd forgotten already, do you? SALAMANDER: What? KENT: I've been with you too many times in this room in the past, not to know where this leads to. (He operates a switch, a door opens.) KENT: Your little bolt-hole. Halfway down the tunnel. A passage out to the fields and enough explosives down there to stop you or your thugs following me. DOCTOR: (Own voice.) Well that's very interesting Mister Kent. Why didn't you tell me that before? KENT: Oh no, it can't be. DOCTOR: Oh, I'm afraid it is. Oh look. Here's another surprise for you. Look behind you. (ASTRID, COLIN and MARY enter from the elevator.) KENT: Astrid, you've come just in time. ASTRID: It's too late, Giles, I know everything. COLIN: That's him, that's the man who took us down there in the first place. MARY: Giles Kent, we thought you were dead. KENT: Now look, I've never seen these people before in my life. ASTRID: They told me everything. You and Salamander were in it together... [SCENE_BREAK] 17. SHELTER (The survivors listen to the conversation in the Records Room.) ASTRID: ...You built an atomic shelter, took some people down for an endurance test. The next person they saw was Salamander... [SCENE_BREAK] 18. RECORDS ROOM ASTRID: ...who told them that an atomic war had started. DOCTOR: You see, Kent... ASTRID: Oh, be careful, Doctor. He'll kill you. MARY: You kept us down like animals. COLIN: Why? Why did you do it to us? KENT: We had to have someone create the natural disasters, didn't we, and we fooled you all! DOCTOR: You didn't fool me, Kent... KENT: You didn't suspect me. DOCTOR: Any man who resorts to murder as eagerly and as rapidly as you must be suspect. You didn't just want to expose Salamander, you wanted to kill him and take his place. KENT: And I will! Think you're going to stop me? And these people? Now move out of the way, quick! We'll see who'll stop me! (KENT steps into the elevator and descends.) DOCTOR: Huh, he's going to try and blow the place up! ASTRID: Come on then! (She heads for the Records Room door.) DOCTOR: No! Don't touch that door, it's red hot. ASTRID: What do you mean? DOCTOR: Well it's locked. They're trying to burn through from the other side. ASTRID: Look! DOCTOR: It looks like some sort of cave. ASTRID: It's the escape route. Salamander! DOCTOR: Yes. I wonder if he knows Kent's on his way? [SCENE_BREAK] 19. OUTSIDE THE RECORDS ROOM GUARD: Still no good, sir. BRUCE: Come on, man. Can't you increase the power? GUARD: No sir. Get back! BRUCE: About time, Forrester. BENIK: Don't shoot, don't shoot. (The men cutting the door stop.) BENIK: I demand a trial, Bruce, a fair trial. BRUCE: What a nasty little man you are, to be sure. Forrester, I want all research personnel detained, and you can begin with Benik, here. Take him away. DOCTOR: (OOV.) Bruce? Bruce, can you hear me out there? Bruce? [SCENE_BREAK] 20. RECORDS ROOM DOCTOR: Can you hear me? BRUCE: (OOV.) Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, there you are. I think Kent is going to try to blow us up. Any chance of getting us out of here? Things are going to turn rather nasty in a minute. BRUCE: (OOV.) We're doing our best, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh. Well if you can't you better leave with your men. There's no point in us all going up in smoke. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. TUNNEL SALAMANDER: You always were a fool, weren't you? KENT: Now wait a minute. They'll be after both of us now. SALAMANDER: Oh no they won't. KENT: I tell you, they know! SALAMANDER: So what you want me to do, huh? Bury our differences, hmm? I didn't need you once, I still don't need you. KENT: Now wait a minute. The place is mined, we know that. We planned it for years, together. Between us we can destroy them all, and the evidence. Just you and me, Salamander. SALAMANDER: You and me? What use are you to me? You were useful once, but now... KENT: No. No... (SALAMANDER fires. KENT, wounded, tries to escape.) SALAMANDER: Ha ha ha ha. You won't get away from me, Kent. Ha ha ha ha. (KENT desperately tries to get away. He is cornered.) SALAMANDER: Ha ha hah. I told you you could not escape me. (He fires again.) KENT: Well if I'm going to die, Salamander, you'll die with me. (KENT produces a detonator remote control.) SALAMANDER: No! No! (KENT presses the button.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. RECORDS ROOM, ELEVATOR ENTRY MARY: Aaaaaaa! BRUCE: Come on Doctor, let's get out of here. ASTRID: Salamander, Giles, they're dead. BRUCE: Come along man, quickly. ASTRID: The people... BRUCE: People. What people? ASTRID: The people underground in the deep shelter. DOCTOR: They may have been killed. ASTRID: I promised Swann I'd get them out. BRUCE: But that's not your fault. You couldn't have done more. DOCTOR: There's a TV monitor screen in there. There must be a link to the deep shelter. (They turn on the monitor.) ASTRID: It's alright! They're alive! BRUCE: How are you going to get to them? ASTRID: There's a tunnel from outside. We can get to it outside the Research Station. BRUCE: But that's probably been destroyed by the explosion. ASTRID: We'll get to them somehow. BRUCE: Lookout! ASTRID: Get me some men. I'll lead them. BRUCE: Alright. I'll go with you. DOCTOR: Oh good then. That's splendid. I'll come too. ASTRID: Oh no Doctor. It's far too dangerous. They might mistake you as Salamander. DOCTOR: Oh yes. Ooooh. ASTRID: Are you hurt? DOCTOR: Oh I'm alright. I'll come with you as far as the gates. Come along, we must go. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. BEACH, OUTSIDE THE TARDIS, LATER (The DOCTOR arrives, still disguised as SALAMANDER.) JAMIE: I thought you were never coming. (The DOCTOR goes inside.) JAMIE: Hey Doctor, are you alright? [SCENE_BREAK] 24. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM VICTORIA: Oh there you are Doctor. You do look in a state. Come and sit down. JAMIE: I told you it wouldn't be long. You, you worry too much. VICTORIA: We shouldn't have left him. JAMIE: You see, after the explosion, Doctor, we dinna know what to do. You said to come back here, which we did, but I'm sure we were followed. VICTORIA: Please, can we start straight away? (The DOCTOR gestures towards the controls.) JAMIE: Me, Doctor? But you said we were never to touch the controls. (The real DOCTOR enters.) DOCTOR: Quite right, Jamie. (To his double.) Welcome to the TARDIS. SALAMANDER: Thank you. You're doing so well impersonating me, ah, I thought I might return the compliment. DOCTOR: And Giles Kent? SALAMANDER: Unfortunately, didn't survive the explosion. DOCTOR: We're going to put you outside, Salamander, no friends, no safety, nothing. You'll run, but they'll catch up with you. SALAMANDER: No! (He struggles with JAMIE.) SALAMANDER: And now I'm going to kill you. JAMIE: No you don't. (SALAMANDER operates the dematerialization control. With a familiar sound the console's column begins moving up and down, as the TARDIS dematerializes. The floor tilts and the three travellers and SALAMANDER desperately reach for a hold as they are sucked towards the still open door.) VICTORIA: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Victoria! Jamie! Hold onto something! SALAMANDER: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! DOCTOR: Jamie! Oh! SALAMANDER: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (SALAMANDER is sucked out of the TARDIS and into the void, as the DOCTOR, VICTORIA and JAMIE hold on for their lives.)

The Doctor discovers the true link between Salamander and Kent while Astrid tries to convince the shelter inhabitants they have been lied to.

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Originally written by Alexa Junge. Transcribed by Mikael Hedberg [[email protected]] or [[email protected]]. [Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there.] MONICA: Tell him. RACHEL: No. PHOEBE: Tell him, tell him. MONICA: Just...please tell him. RACHEL: Shut up! CHANDLER: Tell me what? MONICA: Look at you, you won't even look at him. CHANDLER: [sarcastically] Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won t look at me. RACHEL: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were... PHOEBE: Doing it on this table. [points at the table] CHANDLER: Wow! JOEY: Exellent dream score. ROSS: Why, why, why would you dream that? CHANDLER: More importantly, was I any good? RACHEL: Well, you were pretty damnedy good. CHANDLER: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I m allways surprisingly inadequate. [Monica pats him on his lap] RACHEL: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table. ROSS: I love it, when we share. [Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.] CHANDLER: You re okay there? ROSS: I can t belive you two had s*x in her dream. CHANDLER: I m sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else s subconscious. OPENING CREDITS [Time lapse. Chandler is sitting on the table.] CHANDLER: Hi Rachel. RACHEL: Get off. PHOEBE: [points at Joey s pen] Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me operating a drill press? JOEY: I don t know. What are you wearing? [Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him] ROSS: Phoebs, why would you want to operate a drill press? PHOEBE: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back some of my massage clients. CHANDLER: Pirates again? PHOEBE: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop". And they are. JOEY: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you. CHANDLER: [sarcasticly] Thanks Joey, that s a good idea. PHOEBE: What... I could, I could do it. What is it? CHANDLER: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. It s a whole big boob story. PHOEBE: I could be a secretary. CHANDLER: Well, you know Phoebs. I don t know if it s your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day. PHOEBE: I could do that. [Ross s beeper goes off] RACHEL: What are you playing with? ROSS: Oh, it s my new beeper. JOEY: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for? MONICA: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they re still extinct.' ROSS: No, it s for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO. CHANDLER: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid. MONICA: All right, I ll see you guys later. [raises] RACHEL: Off to see young Ethan? MONICA: Thank you. JOEY: How young is young Ethan? Young? MONICA: He s... our age. CHANDLER: When we were? MONICA: Okay, he s a senior in college. ROSS: College? JOEY: Whoa! CHANDLER: And this manchild has no problem with how old you are? MONICA: No, of course not. It s not even an issue. Cause I told him I was 22. ALL: What? MONICA: Oh, I can t pass for 22? PHOEBE: Well, maybe 25-26. MONICA: I am 26. PHOEBE: There you go. [Scene: Chandler s office. He and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.] CHANDLER: Can you hear that? PHOEBE: [plays with a thumbtack remover] Yeah? CHANDLER: See That ll stop when you pick up the phone. PHOEBE: Oh. Uh, I m on. [picks up the phone] PHOEBE: [with a deep voice] Mr. Bing s office. No I m sorry, he s in a meeting right now. CHANDLER: I m not in a meeting. I m right... Whoops. PHOEBE: Will he know what this is in reference to? And he has your number? All right, I ll see that he gets the message. Bye bye. CHANDLER: What? PHOEBE: Ross says hi. CHANDLER: Ah! PHOEBE: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now? CHANDLER: Well, now, I actually have to get to work. PHOEBE: Most likely. [raises and goes toward the door] Okay, I m gonna be out there. CHANDLER: Okay. PHOEBE: All right. Bye bye. CHANDLER: Bye bye. [The intercom buzzes] PHOEBE: Whatcha doin ? CHANDLER: Ooh. [leans against the desk] [Scene: Monica and Rachel s apartment. It s just them there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.] MONICA: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt s to tight, gotta change the belt. Did i turn the fish? [goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner] No, cause I made lasagne. Am I out of control? RACHEL: Just a touch. Mon, I don t understand. I mean, you ve been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh. MONICA: What? RACHEL: Could tonight be the Night? MONICA: I don t know. Look he s a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don t plan these things. RACHEL: So, did you shave your legs? MONICA: Yeah. RACHEL: Aha! [Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.] JOEY: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn t mean... [Ross s beeper goes off] ROSS: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it s baby time. Baby time. JOEY: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be cool. [Ross dials a number on his cellular phone] ROSS: [on phone] Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. [pause] No, Andr is not here. [to Joey] Third time today. [on phone] Yes, I m sure... No, sir. I don t perform those kind of services. JOEY: Services? Oh, services. ROSS: [on phone] Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that s right. That s right, JUMBO with a U, sir. [pause] No, belive me, you don t want me. Judging by his number, I d be a huge disappointment. [pause] All rightie, bye bye. [Phoebe and Chandler enters] JOEY: Hey, hey. How was the first day? PHOEBE: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice. CHANDLER: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. [Joey and Ross wonder what he means] Me. PHOEBE: No, I didn t tell anybody that I knew you. CHANDLER: Why not? PHOEBE: Oh, because, you know... they don t like you. CHANDLER: What? PHOEBE: I thought you knew that. CHANDLER: Noho. Why doesn t they like me? PHOEBE: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone. CHANDLER: What are you talking about? PHOEBE: Don t feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you re like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing". [Joey and Ross laughs] CHANDLER: I can t belive it. PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah. They even do you. CHANDLER: They do me? PHOEBE: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be any later?' [Joey and Ross laughs] CHANDLER: I don t sound like that. ROSS: Oh, oh Chandler... JOEY: Oh... Yeah, you do. ROSS: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.' [Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs] JOEY: [reaches for hi scones] My scones. PHOEBE, JOEY & ROSS: 'My scones.' [Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again] CHANDLER: Okay, I don t sound like that. That is so not true. [Joey and Chandler laughs] CHANDLER: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up! [Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs] [Scene: Monica and Rachel s apartment. Monica and Ethan are sitting in the couch.] MONICA: Did not. ETHAN: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place wher crimes happen. MONICA: How was that possible? ETHAN: Well, think about it. It s always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' You know, I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? Oh, ah. I should go. MONICA: Okay. [They kiss] ETHAN: Okay. MONICA: Unless-- ETHAN: What? MONICA: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I m going to, so... ETHAN: Yeah, I d really like that. [They kiss] ETHAN: Uuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, there is something you should know. MONICA: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I m secretly married to a goat'? ETHAN: Well it s somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I m not uh..., well I, I mean I haven t ever uh... MONICA: Ethan-- ETHAN: Yeah? MONICA: Are you a virgin? ETHAN: Well, if that s what you kids are calling it these days then, yes I am. I uh, I ve kinda been waiting for the right person. MONICA: Really? ETHAN: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right? [They kiss] [Time lapse. They are now in Monica s bedroom, on the bed.] ETHAN: Wow! MONICA: You keep saying that. ETHAN: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practise it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that. [They kiss] MONICA: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to. ETHAN: Oh god, don t tell me, I did it wrong. MONICA: No no. Nothing wrong about that. ETHAN: Oh. MONICA: Um, okay, here it goes. I m not 22. I m, I m 25... and thirteen months. ETHAN: Huh! MONICA: But I figured, you know, that shouldn t change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are. [They kiss] ETHAN: Uh, listen um, as long as we re telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I m a little younger than I said. MONICA: You re not a senior? ETHAN: Oh, I m a senior... in High School. MONICA: Ok...ay. [Time lapse] MONICA: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had s*x with somebody that wasn t alive during the Bicentennial. ETHAN: I just had s*x. MONICA: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me? ETHAN: Well, you never told me how old you were. MONICA: Well, that s different. My lie didn t make one of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking? ETHAN: I wasn t thinking. I was too busy fallin'-- MONICA: Don t say it. [closes Ethan s mouth with her hand] ETHAN: --in love with you. MONICA: Really? ETHAN: [nods] Sorry. MONICA: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn t even be here, it s a school night. Oh god, oh god. I m like those women that you see with shiny guys like Chad. I m Joan Collins. ETHAN: Who? [Scene: Monica and Rachel s apartment. Everyone exept Monica is there.] ROSS: [on phone] Okay, Andr should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. [to Phoebe] Just easier that way. CHANDLER: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream. RACHEL: No, forget it. CHANDLER: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy? RACHEL: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. [Camera fades to Ross, who s listening very carefully] Joey was there too. JOEY: All right. ROSS: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else there. RACHEL: No. ROSS: You re sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything? RACHEL: No, it was just the three of us. ROSS: Huh! JOEY: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler? RACHEL: He, he, he. You know what? JOEY: What? RACHEL: There were times when it wasn t even me. [Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other] PHOEBE: That is so sweet, you guys. [hugs them] [Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn t hear what the others say] ROSS, RACHEL & PHOEBE: Hey, Mon. RACHEL: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon? ALL: [shouting] Mon! [Monica takes of her walkman] MONICA: What? RACHEL: Ethan called again. MONICA: Oh. ROSS: Are you not seeing him anymore? MONICA: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn t work out. CHANDLER: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym. [Monica stares at Rachel] RACHEL: I, I didn t say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I swear. JOEY: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest "Power Ranger" is? [Ross and Chandler laughs] ROSS: Oh, yeah. MONICA: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now? JOEY, CHANDLER & ROSS: Sorry. ROSS: It s morphin time! JOEY: Stegosaurus! CHANDLER: Tyrannosaurus! [SCENE_BREAK] [They all cross they re arms like the "Power Rangers" do] PHOEBE: Ooh, oh, I ve gotta go. [raises] Whoa, oh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. [sits down, and then raises again] Cool! RACHEL: Where are you going? PHOEBE: Um, oh, I ve got a birthday party, with some work people. CHANDLER: Work people? Nobody told me. PHOEBE: No, I know. That s a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravagance. CHANDLER: You know, I don t get this. A month aga, these people were my friends. You know, just because I m in charge doesn t mean i m a different person. PHOEBE: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are. CHANDLER: You think I should? PHOEBE: I really do, yeah. CHANDLER: Okay. PHOEBE: Okay. CHANDLER: Okay. PHOEBE: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don t wanna be the geek that invited the boss. [Scene: Chandler s office. He and Phoebe are taking a break from work.] CHANDLER: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing "Ebony and Ivory". PHOEBE: You were great. But they still made fun of you. CHANDLER: What? PHOEBE: You know, now you re more like, you know like, "Mr. Caring Boss", "Mr.", you know, "I m one of you, Boss", "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing" CHANDLER: Then, I don t get it. PHOEBE: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you ve gotta face it. You re like, the guy in the big office, you know. You re the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you re a great boss. CHANDLER: They do? PHOEBE: Uh huh. But they re not your friends anymore. CHANDLER: I just wan t to-- PHOEBE: No, but you can t. CHANDLER: But I just wa-- PHOEBE: Uh uh. [Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross s beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.] MONICA: Aren t you gonna-- ROSS: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she s having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it. JOEY: What about Andr ? ROSS: Oh, welll this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know. [Ethan enters] ETHAN: Hey. MONICA: That was gonna be my opener. RACHEL: [understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone] Hey, did you guys check out those new handdryers in the bathroom? ROSS: I thought that was just a rumour. RACHEL: True story. JOEY: They re here allready? [Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom] ETHAN: All right, look. I ve gotta tell you something. I m not 17. I only said so that you d think I was cute and vunerable. I m actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I m your congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we re great together. We can talk , we make each other laugh, and the s*x. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great. MONICA: It was. ETHAN: Then, what s the problem? MONICA: Ethan, it s um... it s icky. ETHAN: Icky? You re actually gonna throw this away because it s icky? MONICA: This isn t easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really-- ETHAN: No, don t say it. [closes Monica s mouth with his hand] MONICA: --love you. [Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren t finished talking to each other yet.] ROSS: Are you re hands still wet? JOEY: Uh, moist, yeah. RACHEL: Let s dry em again. [They go to the bathroom again] [Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees s conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.] GERSTON: Uh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger? [They discover that Chandler is listening] Hey, Chandler. SANTOS: Hello, Mr. Bing. PETRIE: Loved your "Stevie Wonder" last night. CHANDLER: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I m gonna need them on my desk by nine o clock. SANTOS: Sure. GERSTON: No problem. [They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler] CHANDLER: You have to give em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who s the guy with the moustache? PHOEBE: Petrie. CHANDLER: Petrie, right, right. Okay, somebody s gonna be working this weekend. [Scene: Monica and Rachel s apartment. Ross is watching TV, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket over her.] RACHEL: [talks in her sleep] Oooooooooh. [Rachel strokes her hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently] Oh, that s nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross. [Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes up.] RACHEL: Ross? ROSS: I m here. RACHEL: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... ROSS: What? [his beeper goes off] Great, now I m having a baby. RACHEL: What? ROSS: Ooh, Ooh. RACHEL: What? ROSS: I m having... I m having a baby. [jumps back onto the table again] I m having a... Where s the phone? The phone? RACHEL: I don t know where the phone is. [Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls onto the floor] RACHEL: Ross? ROSS: I m hurt. CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: The hall between the apartments. Ross is eagerly waiting for the others to get ready, to go to the hospital.] ROSS: Monica, let s go. Come on now people, woman in labor. [Chandler struts out from his apartment] CHANDLER: Hey Ross, look what I ve got going here. ROSS: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay. [Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands] ROSS: What are you doing? We re going to a hospital. RACHEL: What, so I can t lokk nice? There might be doctors there. ROSS: Joey, get out of the fridge. JOEY: All right, all right. [he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand] ROSS: What is that? [refering to the sandwich] JOEY: For the ride. CHANDLER: Yeah, like in a cab-- ROSS: Save it. CHANDLER: Okay, hating this. ROSS: Monica, come on now. Let s go, baby coming. [Monica enters from their apartment, crying] MONICA: I can t belive it, I m gonna be an aunt. I m gonna have like a nephew. ROSS: That s nice. Get out Let s go, come on. JOEY: All rihgt, I m going. I m going. [They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.] CHANDLER: Here we go, here we go. RACHEL: Rossy, Rossy.

After losing his virginity to Monica, young Ethan reveals that he is not a college student as she believed, but is a high school senior. Rachel has erotic dreams about Joey and Chandler, making Ross jealous. Phoebe temps as Chandler's secretary and discovers that no one at work likes him anymore now that he is the boss.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_07x18

fd_One_Tree_Hill_07x18_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Lydia : I have cancer. Haley : Oh, no, no, no. Lydia : It's pancreatic. Brooke : Julian? Mouth : We don't know what tomorrow will bring. I want to go out with you... On a date. Clay : Excuse me. Are you Katie Ryan? OUTSIDE ON THE SET Paul : What's his problem? Alex : Costume malfunction. Josh : I'm not coming out! Paul : This isn't funny, josh! Josh : No, it's not! Julian : What's his deal? Paul : Maybe he wants to know why his director Is an hour late to set. Julian : No sleep. Don't ask. Josh?! Get out here before I tell everybody who you went home with last Saturday. Josh : This is bull... Julian : Someone find... Brooke! What the hell is this? Brooke : It's the jogging scene. Is there a problem? Julian : The problem, Brooke, is that my romantic lead looks like the love child of Richard Simmons and a village person. Brooke : Well... I guess I made a huge, stupid, unforgivable mistake. Imagine that. Julian : Brooke, this is not the costume we agreed on. Brooke : Well, then, I guess I'm also a dirty, no-good liar. Good morning, Paul. Paul : So that's it! Josh : No special effects, baby. If you like what you see, that's exactly what I'm working with. Alex : Um, barf. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Lydia : Hey, Tay, it's your mother. Again. Call me, honey. Haley : It smells suspiciously like birthday chicken-dumpling soup in here. Lydia : Well, I was feeling particularly energetic this morning, and it's the least I can do for having missed your birthday. Haley : Well, you didn't miss my birthday, mom. I just didn't get your message because I was at that fundraiser. Lydia : Same difference. We didn't speak on your birthday. First time ever. Haley : Well, I would continue to argue with you, but I really want soup. So can I please stir the dumpling batter? Lydia : Ah, you know you can, sweetie. It's always been a two-person recipe, baby. Haley : Hey, mom. I love you. Lydia : Oh...Good...Lord. You have been saying that every 10 minutes since you learned I have cancer. I'm not gonna keel over in the soup pot, Haley. Haley : Okay. Lydia : But in case I do... I love you, too. Now, let's not be morbid. Stir. AT THE HOTEL ROOM Girl : Dressed to kill at 9:00 in the morning. Either you met a boy or... You met a boy. Katie : I met an agent. A very cute agent. With a very expensive car and a very naked ring finger. Girl : And did this miracle of nature and bachelorhood sign you to his agency? Katie : I'm meeting with him this morning. He'll either sign me or marry me. Either way, this just might be the first day of the rest of my life. ON THE STREET Lauren : S-o-o-o... Shall we get to the elephant in the room? Mouth : Sure. His name is Harold, and he's very sweet. He never forgets, but he's very forgiving. Lauren : Mm-hmm. Mouth : And on that note... I'm really sorry I asked you out. Lauren : It's okay. Mouth : No, it's not. I had too much to drink. And Haley was at Tric giving this kind of "carpe diem" speech that just makes you want to stand on your desk and tear the pages out of your textbook. And I just... I got carried away. Lauren : Well, I was flattered. Seriously. It's just... Mouth : Skills. Lauren : Actually, it's more Millicent. You were just jealous of her hanging out with Owen. Look... I really like you. But I would rather be your partner in crime than your rebound. Mouth : Wheel man or bag man? Lauren : Bag lady. No. Bag...Woman? I'll just take the food. Mouth : Yeah. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Hey. What are you looking at? Nathan : It's your mom's funeral arrangements. She left them here on the desk. It's like contracts. Haley : This is how it ends, huh? With a line-item total. Nathan : Hales, it's okay. I can... I can read through this stuff. Haley : How am I supposed to do this, Nathan? Nathan : The same way you always do... Gracefully and courageously... And with me at your side every step of the way. Okay? Haley : Okay. IN A COFFEE SHOP Katie : So, Mr. Agent... Tell me this is just the beginning of a beautiful relationship. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : "Let's not be morbid"? You left your funeral arrangements lying around, mom. Mom? Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! No, no, mom. Hey! Hey! Nathan! Nathan! Nathan! IN THE DRESSING ROOM Alex : It's just amazing how difference between good a day and a bad day can come down to a good, long... Ouch! Brooke : You were saying? Alex : I was saying a good, long sleep can totally give you an attitude adjustment. You should try it. Brooke : Like it was the sleep. Alex : Oh, you're grumpy because we had s*x, aren't you? Brooke : Excuse me? Alex : I told him not to tell you. Besides, it just sort of happened, and then it just sort of happened again and... Ouch! Son of a... Brooke : It just sort of happened. Alex : Whatever. Ouch! Brooke : And then it just sort of happened again. IN A COFFEE SHOP Katie : I know my stats could be better, But I'm training like crazy. And let's be honest... They're better than Anna Kournikova's were at my age. And at the risk of sounding a little conceited, I, like Anna, could make a wheaties box look good. Clay : You're right... On all accounts. I have no doubt that you have a very bright future ahead of you, you know, both professionally and commercially. B-but I-I can't represent you. Katie : I don't get it. Then why am I here? Clay : Because I thought I could. But I can't. And I can't really explain it. I'm sorry. Katie : Well, if you can't sign me... The least you can do is take me out on a consolation date. Clay : A date? Katie : Come on. I saw the way you were looking at me last night. You were practically imagining our babies. Clay : Look, I'm... I'm sorry... Katie : Hey. It's okay. I think you're hot, too. Clay : Hi. When? I'm so sorry. I'm on my way. Yeah. Yeah. Katie : Call me when the fire's put out. Clay : I'm sorry, but that's not gonna happen, Sara. Katie : "Sara"? Clay : Right. I mean Katie. Katie : Who's Sara? Clay : I got to go. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Hi, daughter. Hi, mother. How was your morning on the set, daughter? Oh, it was just fine, mother. Fine until the ex love of my life and current bane of my existence made it very clear to me that they did the wild thing last night! This is where the motherly sympathy is supposed to start kicking in! Victoria : Sorry. I've been, um, wasting all my self-pity on me. But if misery loves company, I did get stood up last night. Brooke : Paul stood you up? What a toad! Victoria : I never said it... Brooke : You didn't have to. It is so clear to me that the Julian apple did not fall far from the sleazy Paul tree! AT THE HOSPITAL Lydia : Did I ruin the soup? Haley : Well, that depends on whether or not you think my floor is clean enough to eat off. Lydia : And I was looking forward to that. And in my condition, one can only do so much looking forward. Quinn : It's okay. You're gonna be around long enough to make a lot more soup. Lydia : Hey, girls. It's okay. The doctors talked to me, too. And I know that I... I don't have much time. But it's okay. I had wonderful visits with each of my children. Quinn : It's not fair. Doctors promised you a few more months. Lydia : Cancer doesn't care much for promises, baby. I mean, after all, I promised myself that I would stick around until you two were right with Taylor again. Haley : Well, great. You'll be here forever. Lydia : God. You all were probably too young to remember, but...You three girls were... You were inseparable at one point. I mean, look. Haley : That's a long time ago. Quinn : Yeah. She seems almost human here. Lydia : Two out of three. Ain't bad. Haley : Ain't bad. Lydia : Come here. My sweet things. AT TAYLOR HOTEL ROOM Taylor : You should really call first. Quinn : Mom's dying. Taylor : Yeah, eventually. Quinn : No. Now. She collapsed this morning, and they don't think that... This it it, Taylor. This is the time to say goodbye. Taylor : I don't think so. Quinn : Please stop. Look, I don't know what your problem is. And I-I don't understand you at I don't know when or why you became such a colossal, selfish bitch. But I know that you're my sister. And I love you. And I know that mom wants to see you. And I know that it's the right thing to do. Taylor : Well, you also know that I rarely do the right thing. Quinn : Taylor, please. Taylor : Fine. I tried. Way to go, perfect daughter! What the hell is this? Quinn : That's the real you. The sister you used to be. Taylor : I... I don't want this, Quinn! I don't want this. AT THE HOSPITAL Haley : Well, that must have been some dream you were having. You were awfully smiley. Lydia : I was dreaming about your dad. I woke up smelling his cologne. Huh. Haley : What kind did he wear? Lydia : Stetson. Back when I first met him, He was something of a dime-store cowboy. Haley : A cowboy? Dad? We can't be talking about the same father. Lydia : You'd be surprised what you don't know about that man. Or about both of us, actually. Haley : Like what? Lydia : Oh, I don't know. Haley : Well, come on, like... Did you guys have a song or... Lydia : "Don't think twice, it's all right" by Bob Dylan. Haley : That's a breakup song. Lydia : I know, but it's what was playing in that old Chevy Pickup the first time that we... Haley : uh, uh, "kissed," please. Se."kissed." Lydia : Oh, now, that... That was at a Christmas mixer. Mistletoe... Nat king cole on the record player. Huh. I felt that kiss in my toes. Mm. Haley : And you won his n his heart wir chicken-dumpling soup, huh? Lydia : I won his heart... With a note that I left in his jean-jacket pocket. I won his stomach with my chicken-dumpling soup. Haley : I don't even have the recipe. Lydia : Well, give me a pen. Come on. Here. Now... The secret, as you know... Is to stir the batter slowly. And whole peppercorns. None of that table stuff. And always start with a whole chicken, okay? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Hey, Jame! We need to talk, buddy. Jamie : Man to man? Nathan : Yeah. When you were at Andre's this morning, your grandma got sicker. She's in the hospital now. And, um, she'd like to see you. Jamie : She's gonna die now, isn't she? Nathan : Man to man? Yeah, buddy. Pretty soon. You want to talk about it? Jamie : If it wasn't for grandma, I wouldn't have Chester. Nathan : Didn't your mom and I buy you Chester? Jamie : Yeah, but you didn't really have a choice. Grandma taught me to wish on a star. Nathan : And you wished for Chester? Jamie : Wouldn't you? Nathan : Yeah. Jamie : Can I have a few minutes before we leave? Nathan : Sure. I'll be downstairs with your mom, all right? ON THE SET Julian : All right, let's go, people! Rehearsal's up! Alex : It was crazy-hot. When he finally caught his breath enough to speak, he actually called it a religious experience. I know. But the last girl he was with practically qualifies for a senior discount. I know. Brooke : Julian? Have you called last looks for hair and makeup yet? Julian : No. Why? Brooke : Just trying to be professional. ON THE SET Julian : Alex, you okay? Alex : I'm fine. Ouch. Wow. Ouch. Julian : Get off my set. Brooke : Do you have any idea the kinds of things she has been saying about... Julian : I don't care, Brooke! Get off my set! Brooke : Julian! Julian : I don't care! Brooke : Yeah, I guess you've made that pretty obvious. Excuse me. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : It smells awesome. Haley : It's my mom's recipe. Nathan : You okay? Haley : Yeah, I was just... Where's Jamie? Nathan : He'll be downstairs in a second. Haley. He knows. Haley : I thought we decided we weren't gonna tell him. Nathan : He guessed. Of course he did. He's so familiar with death. Haley : Why wouldn't he? Nathan : Haley. Haley : Ow! Damn it! Nathan : Are you okay? Haley : Mm-hmm. Nathan : Are you okay? Is it bad? Haley : Yeah, it's bad. It's really bad. My mom's dying, and I'm making soup! Because there's nothing else that I can do because I can't stop it because nothing can stop it! Nathan : Okay. All right. Haley : There's just... this is so... There's so many moments and there's so much that go with her when she dies. I don't know what the right questions are to ask. And I don't... I'm not ready for this. I'm just really not ready. Nathan : Nobody ever is. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Alexander : Whoa. You're all right? Brooke : In movies, you never see how much punching hurts the puncher. Alexander : And who did the puncher punch? Brooke : Alex. Alexander : Because? Brooke : Because I went to Julian's hotel room last night, and I saw Alex naked in his bed, and I could hear him in the shower. Alexander : Oh, dear. Brooke : Yeah. You said it. Alexander : No, I meant... "Oh, dear, I don't know whose room she was in, but Alex was with me last night. And she was very naked." Brooke : You? Alexander : Yes. Brooke : Not Julian? Alexander : No. Brooke : In Julian's hotel room? Alexander : Apparently. Brooke : Oh, my God! Alexander : Hey, come on! Look, whatever you've done... How... how bad can it be? ON THE SET Paul : We're completely screwed. We can't shoot a thing until the swelling goes down. Julian : Okay. Paul : "Okay"? This is a $50,000-a-day operation. Let's do the math before we call it "okay." Alex : I am so sorry. Julian : This is not your fault. We'll just... Paul : Roll with the punches? Julian : Right now your job is to keep ice on that eye, okay? Josh : Uh, looks like we're gonna get a couple days off. You know what's good on a black eye? Alex : If you say, "raw meat," I will tear out your tonsils, tie off your weiner bag, and castrate you like a bull. Josh : Well, you mess with the bull... You know what you get. Alex : That doesn't even make sense! AT THE HOTEL ROOM Katie : Well, well. AT THE HOSPITAL Lydia : I could smell it coming all the way down the hall. Ah, here's the real test. Haley : How's it taste? Is it too salty? Are the dumplings soggy? Lydia : It's perfect. Haley : It's not perfect. I made it myself, and it's a two-person recipe. Lydia : Oh, sweetie. Haley : I followed your recipe to the letter. And when it was finished, I realized that it's not the soup I love. It's making it with my mom. Lydia : Okay. Haley : And now she's leaving me. Lydia : I may have some unconventional beliefs about the afterlife, but I can tell you right now I have no intention of leaving you. You just prepare to be haunted, Haley James Scott. Jamie : Hi, grandma! Lydia : Oh, goodness gracious! When did they start letting squirrels into the hospital? Get on up here, boy. Give your old grandmother a kiss. What you got there, huh? Jamie : "The Handsomest Husky." Mom reads to me whenever I'm sick. It pretty much makes me feel better. You want to hear it? Lydia : I can't think of anything that I would like more. Jamie : "Once upon a time, there was a dog named Andy. Everybody loved Andy. He was very handsome. Andy had a best friend. His name was mike. Andy and mike did everything together." AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Victoria : Why is the store closed? And why are you lying on the floor? Brooke : I'm trying to pick a place to hang myself. Victoria : Oh, don't be so dramatic. Brooke : Apparently it's best to find a load-bearing beam. I don't think we have one. Victoria : Fine. You want to talk about it? Brooke : What is there to discuss? I'm the donkey in a big, stupid Shakespearean mix-up. Victoria : You're not making any sense. Brooke : Alex slept with Alexander, not Julian. Victoria : Oh. Brooke : So, I ruined wardrobe... Bitched out the one man who makes my world turn... And clocked an interloping hoochie whose only mistake was boning Crocodile Dundee. Victoria : You realize you're overlooking the best part of this... Julian didn't sleep with Alex. And as far as that Shakespearean play, as I recall, the donkey gets turned back into a person once he realizes what an ass he's been. Brooke : You think I should go talk to Julian? Victoria : It's far less tacky than suicide. Brooke : Thanks, mom. AT THE HOSPITAL Quinn : Hi, mom. Lydia : Hey. Clay : Hey. How you feeling? Lydia : Ooh, a little tired. What's with all the hardware? Clay : Your daughter and I have been working on something special for you. I'll be right back. Quinn : Okay. Lydia : Now, you know that I loved David, but... I have the same feeling about Clay that I did with Nathan. I think he's one of the good ones. Quinn : Yeah. He's special. I really love him. Lydia : Well, have you told him? Quinn : Not yet. But I think he's pretty clear on that. Lydia : Oh, you do, do you? Well, just in case you haven't figured this out yet, men need to be hit over the head with things. Sometimes frying pans. But mostly love. Don't be afraid to do it. Quinn : Am I that obvious? Lydia : You have always been my heart girl, the one with the most unbridled passions. Just give your head permission to follow your heart, okay? Quinn : Okay. I promise. Taylor : Hi. AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Brooke : Oh, my God! Alex : Didn't know your own strength, did you, bamm-bamm? Brooke : Uh...I was... Alex : You're looking for Julian. Come in. He switched rooms with me last night because the guys In the room next to me were keeping me up with their... Whatever they were doing. Brooke : Which explains why he was exhausted today. Alex : Can I ask why you punched me? Because I know we weren't gonna, like, braid each other's hair anytime soon, but I kind of thought we were okay. Brooke : We were. We are. I... I came here last night, late. You were sleeping, and I guess it was Alexander in the shower? Alex : But you thought it was Julian. I wish. Seriously, I'm not gonna lie to you, Brooke, But it's never gonna happen between us. You know why? Because whether you guys continue to push each other away or not, he knows what it's like to really be in love. I never had a chance. Brooke : Alex, I'm sorry. For everything. Alex : Me too. For everything. AT THE HOSPITAL Lydia : I'm so glad you came. You know it's all right to be upset about all of this. I mean... Lord knows I am. It's pretty upsetting stuff. Taylor : I came to tell you that I'm sorry for being such a disappointment. Lydia : Is that what you think? That I'm disappointed with you? Taylor : Why wouldn't you be? I'm awful. All of my siblings are talented or smart or both. And I'm just Taylor. Nobody likes Taylor. Lydia : I do. Taylor : You have to say that. You're my mother. Lydia : Get over here. Come here. Here is something... That nobody else knows. Of all of my kids, You are the one who reminds me the most of myself. Taylor : I don't believe it. Lydia : Well, that's because you've only known Lydia the mom. But there was a very... Taylor-ish Lydia before that. And that's why I have never had any doubt that you will find your way, because I did. And you can fight this all you want, But you are going to end up happy. Taylor : I've been so awful. How can you still love me? Lydia : Oh, God! My sweet baby. My love for you has never been in question. The only question here is : How long is it going to take for you to love yourself? Because wherever I am, wherever I go from here... I will never, ever let go of you. Taylor : Please don't leave. Lydia : It's okay. It's okay. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Alexander : Victoria, I just want to say... Victoria : Don't bother. I know why you stood me up. You were with that snotty little actress. Alexander : It was just s*x. It... Victoria, you and I are different, okay? You and I are... are... Victoria : Finished! Good night, Alexander. AT THE HOSPITAL Jamie : I have a surprise for you. Lydia : I love surprises. What is it? Jamie : Make a wish. Taylor : What's going on? Lydia : An audience. Listen. Taylor : I'm really sorry. I know that I have been a lousy sister. And I totally don't deserve it...But if you could maybe give me another chance. Okay? From now on, I'll be better. Quinn : It's okay. Lydia : Thank you. ON THE SET Brooke : I know I'm banned from the set, but I need to clear something up. Julian : Well, this better be good. That black eye's gonna cost us about 100 grand. Brooke : If it helps, it cost me my dignity. Julian : Brooke, what the hell happened today? Brooke : I thought you slept with Alex. Julian : So, basically, you still don't trust me. Brooke : No. Basically I got jealous. Because I'm in love with you, Julian, and I always will be. And that's gonna make me do stupid things sometimes because love is crazy. And I've been crazy. I know. First, I thought you were falling for Alex, and then, last night, I went to your hotel, and I thought you fell for Alex. I'm sorry. Julian : You think too much, Brooke Davis. AT THE HOSPITAL Quinn : Are you comfortable? Lydia : Yes. Quinn : Okay, mom. Here we go. Lydia : Oh, my goodness. My beautiful babies. IN FRONT OF CLOTHES OVER BROS Victoria : How long have you been out here? Alexander : I like you. Victoria : Okay? Alexander : I know I slept with Alex. But I like you. A lot... I like... AT JOSH'S HOTEL ROOM Josh : Nice job other eye. Not good enough for film, but definitely good enough for s*x. Alex : If you talk, I can't pretend you're somebody else. AT THE HOSPITAL Lydia : I guess I did all right, didn't I? Haley : You did everything, mom. Lydia : Hello, handsome. AT MOUTH APPARTMENT Mouth : Come in. Lauren : Hey. Mouth : Hey. Lauren : Okay, look, I wasn't worried about being your rebound, Mouth. I was worried you'd be mine. Mouth : What are you saying? Lauren : I'm saying... Skills : What the hell. Anybody home? Hey, baby. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Something smells awesome. Haley : Mm. This is your grandma's chicken-dumpling soup. And you are just in time. Jamie : I am? Haley : Yes. Did you know that this is a very special chicken-dumpling soup recipe that specifically calls for a handsome 7-year-old boy named Jamie to stir the dumpling batter? Jamie : What are the chances? Haley : I don't know. Now, the secret is to stir the batter slowly. And the whole peppercorns, not the table stuff. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Clay : Hey. What's up? Quinn : What's up is that I love you. In case you didn't know. Clay : I love you, too. Nothing's ever gonna change that. AT THE HOTEL ROOM Katie : Did I tell you? I'm gonna get that agent. Girl : He decided to sign you? Katie : Not yet, but he will. 'cause it turns out...I'm his type.

As Brooke angrily deals with Alex's tryst with Julian, Lydia's condition worsens, prompting Quinn and Haley to try to reconnect with Taylor. Clay is forced to deal with Katie's unsettling advances, and Nathan helps Jamie come to terms with Lydia's impending death. This episode is named after a song by Sinéad O'Connor .

fd_Justified_04x06

fd_Justified_04x06_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] [ Growls ] [ Screams ] Arnold's a furry. He gonna press charges? Ava: He's the Judge Executive. What's he gonna do? Ellen May. What are you doing here? Girl looked me in the face, talking about she knows things. I never should've left a witness, what we done. Boyd: It'll be quick, Ava. Colton: I saw a sheriff's car on the security tape. One of my deputies was there last night. Colton: Which way did they go? That, I don't know. Boyd and Ava intended that man to kill you. You must know something that could hurt him real bad. Raylan: You and your boyfriend went into Arlo's. Who told you the bag would be there? Josiah sent us. All right, fine. I'll tell you where he's at. Raylan: The hills, huh? If ol' drew's still alive, that's where you'll find him. Only time I seen him since he left was near 10 years ago at the bluegrass festival, rubbing shoulders with the mayor, Judge Executive... all them rich Clover Hill folks. Boyd: I expect I have your man drew within the week. Wynn: That's impressive work, Mr. Crowder. Boyd: The new price for drew is, I get half the heroin business in the state of Kentucky. Wynn: You have a deal. Johnny: I thought we had a deal. Wynn: Once he brings me drew, he and I are done... And you're free to kill him. Raylan: Josiah! It's Raylan Givens. Well, my goodness. [ Note playing ] P-please. My son's asleep upstairs. Then we should talk quietly. Boyd: Where's your wife, Dale? Uh... on vacation. [ Scoffs ] No, she moved out. Just [Sighs] going through a rough patch. Boyd: Oh, you mean to tell me that all rich people don't live in a constant state of domestic bliss? Well, you got a lot of pretty things in this house, Dale. What do you do for a living? Banking... up Cumberland. Boyd: You go to school for that? No, just learn by doing. Boyd: Oh, you're a self-made man? I guess. Boyd: Well, that's something we have in common. Well, Dale, if you want to continue to enjoy the fruits of your labor... I'm gonna need you to tell me your real name. I told you. It's Dale Haywood. Y-you got my driver's license. Boyd: Yeah, the thing is, driver's license, birth certificate, I.D's... they don't mean much these days, technology being what it is. If you don't believe my I.D., how am I supposed to prove it? Boyd: Well, that's your problem, Dale... Not mine. O-okay, n-now, I-i swear what you want's in that box, right there. Boyd: What is this? What... oh, that... That there's nothing. Just... Boyd: And as I watch her kiss Curt, my heart fills with hurt. My soul fills with sorrow "the size of Kilimanjaro." [ Laughs ] Holy sh1t. Boyd: Why, you a poet, Dale? No, I just dabbled in high school. Look, there's... let me find it for you, j-j-just some proof... Wait... l-look there. There. There's it. All right? All right? 1982... Kentucky state champion. Boyd: Well, I do my math right, that makes you a 20-year-old high school senior. Well, yeah, I-i-i-i failed 3rd grade. And...6th. Well, that explains the poetry. Well [Sighs] you gonna kill me? Boyd: No, Dale, I am not. In fact, I'd like to apologize for ruining your day, but I bet you hadn't gotten as rich as you are without ruining a lot of people's days, so I'm sure you'll be able to forgive my transgression. Oh. Uh, you may want to keep that memory box close at hand. You never know when somebody else might want to drop by and reminisce. [ Panting ] Treated a guy once... got his foot caught in some mining machinery. But nothing like this. What do you mean? What kind of machine? You know, one of them things. It was a messy bit of business. How long could a guy survive losing blood like that? With a tourniquet, cauterize the wound, maybe through the night, but I wouldn't give much more than that. Raylan: Hey, guys, you ready to put a bolo on him and get KSP and locals on it? Waste of time, you ask me. Raylan: What is... Doing your job? Hell, all we know, the asshole might've done it to himself. [ Truck door slams ] Raylan: You have reason to believe he'd be that desperate? What do marshals want with a piece of sh1t like Josiah for, anyway? Raylan: He owes us money. You show up here in the middle of the night and find a foot... sounds like something special to me. Raylan: I think he might have info on a fugitive. Which fugitive? Raylan: Jimmy Hoffa. [ Cellphone vibrates ] Is there any particular reason you're treating us like a couple of bleached assholes? Raylan: Not in particular, no. Raylan: What's up, Bart? Well, I hear you're having an interesting morning. Raylan: Tim tell you I wasn't coming in? Yes, he did. Said the game was afoot. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Here we go. I'm sure you'll keep putting your best foot forward... Do what needs to be done. Raylan: That why you called... Foot puns? Yes, actually. Yes, it is. It's the only reason. Raylan: Any luck delaying Arlo's deal? No. Sonya Gable hasn't returned our calls. Raylan: Why's that? I suspect she knows that we're trying to delay the deal. Raylan: Why the hell would she delay the deal? Well, I don't know, Raylan. After you finish playing footsie, why don't you go ask her? Aw, sh1t! Jesus Christ, man. Watch it. Raylan: I got to go. This here's what we call a crime scene, Wilson. Thanks for the heads-up. Raylan: What is that? My footprint? Raylan: No, not that... That. Hello, Roz. On this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul God get at your boy you try to bogard fall back, I go hard on this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come Come on. Johnny: Are you positive he ain't Drew? Boyd: Well, Dale's guilty of a few things, I'm sure, living up in Clover Hill, but being Drew Thompson ain't one of them. Baby, would you please come over here and have a seat? And where the hell is Colt? What's taking him so long? Colton! Colton: Just a minute! Johnny: So, what's next? Boyd: Well, you and me gonna ride out and have us a conversation with Harvey Jones, get the names of the men up in Clover Hill that fit the profile. Johnny: And then what? We're just gonna put a gun to the head of every old man lives in Clover Hill? Boyd: Well, if that's what I choose to do, Johnny, then that's what we gonna do. Baby, would you please just stop cleaning? Ava: If we want an in to Clover Hill, we could just go to Arnold. Boyd: Arnold ain't gonna give us anything that a gun to the head won't give us a whole lot faster. Johnny: And if we do find Drew, you really think that Duffy's gonna honor the deal? Boyd: Well, you have reason to believe that he won't? Johnny: Well, if it were me, I'd take Drew off your hands and then I'd try to kill you. Boyd: Well, then, lucky for me it ain't you. Now, go find out what's taking him so long. [ Knock on door ] Colton: Give me a minute! Ava: You think Johnny's right? Boyd: I just need to find Drew Thompson, and then I'll worry about Wynn Duffy. Ava: I just want to make sure you don't get hurt, Boyd. Boyd: Baby, ain't nothing gonna happen to me. Hey, do you love me? Then trust me. Now, this bird in the hand is gonna be worth 10 in the bush. [ Pounding on door ] Colton: I said give me a goddamn minute! [ Blows ] Johnny: The hell you burning there? Colton: A match. What are you, the bathroom monitor? Next time, I'll leave you a present. Boyd: Well, I done told you not to eat that huevos rancheros for breakfast. Now, listen to me... I need you to head over to Audry's, and any of them Clover Hill types over 50 come in, I want you to give me a call. You understand? Colton: Got it. Boyd: Baby. Come on, cousin Johnny. Let's go. Ava: Are you okay? Colton: [ Pounds table ] I'm good. [ Door opens ] [ Gunshots ] Raylan: Benny. Oh. Great. It's the man in the hat. The hell do you want? Raylan: Just keep that thing pointed down. You gonna shoot me if I don't? Raylan: Be within my rights to. What are we playing here... Cowboys and Indians? I ain't playing anything. What the hell do you want? Raylan: Where's your girlfriend at? She ain't my girlfriend anymore. Raylan: I don't care if she left you. I just want to know where she's at. Just said I don't know. Raylan: So? Call her. You call her. [ Vehicle approaches ] Raylan: Take out your phone and call her. Marshal Givens! I have a word, please? Raylan: I'm in the middle of something. You got a phone, don't you? Take it out... let your fingers do the walking. I'm not doing sh1t. Now get the hell away from me. Aah! I see I'm gonna get the same deferential treatment you gave my deputies. You got a line on Roz? Raylan: I'm working on it. Yeah, how's that going for you? Raylan: I'm dealing with a love-scorned teenager. You draw this, Benny? Uh-huh. You want, I'll sell it to you. You can hang it up over your shitter. Well, it's not really my taste. Lacks a little in composition, but you sure got the likeness right. You coming? Or you want to stick around here and push a kid around some more? [ Panting ] Teddy. This is marshal Givens. We're looking for Roz. Raylan: Yea high, braces, hit puberty about six months ago. You speak English, Teddy? Good. You mind if we come inside... Make sure she's not here? That nod means yes, you do mind or yes, we may come inside? Okay, look... I'm gonna come inside. All right! I'm here! Christ! Go ahead and let them in. Don't mind, I'm gonna just hang on to that. Raylan: Sorry if we're interrupting something. I didn't have no goddamn s*x with Teddy. Raylan: No, I'm sure you and "rapes with a smile" here were just talking. What, did you come here to stab me in the foot again? Raylan: Well, at least I ain't gonna chop it off. I don't even know what you mean. Hey! Aah! God damn you! Raylan: He does speak English. I will cut you assholes! Raylan: Right. For now, just scoot your ass over there. You're gonna be stupid enough to step in blood, least be smart enough to wash it off after. So I was there! It ain't like I chopped him! Raylan: You see who did? Roz, we're trying to help him. Yeah, well, we can find him on our own. How's that? Teddy here's part Cherokee. Family came here on the trail of tears. Raylan: Is that right? Yeah. We're gonna find who did this, and when we do, we ain't gonna arrest him, like you will. Raylan: Well, it's gonna be tough tracking anyone with Teddy in jail for statutory rape. I already told you... Raylan: Repeating a lie don't make it true. Now, I've already seen you half-naked, so it won't be tough to convince a jury that we walked in on the two of you making sweet underage love. There was two of them. Could you tell what they look like? No, not really... on account of Josiah made me hide the second he saw them pull up. Raylan: What else? They was in a panel van. Painted up ugly as sh1t. Raylan: Anything else? I don't know. There was a lot of screaming. I couldn't make most of it out. Even called him by the wrong name. Raylan: Remember it? Yeah, I'll never forget it. 'Cause that was the last thing I heard before Josiah started screaming... and I saw that they had chopped him. Raylan: What was it? "Drew." "Drew Thompson." Drew Thompson. Raylan: Name mean something to you? Ain't nobody in Harlan name doesn't mean something to. But Drew's dead. Raylan: Well, maybe she heard it wrong. Yeah, and maybe somebody thinks he's still alive. Maybe that's why you went to see Josiah in the first place. Raylan: Shelby, I appreciate your help finding Roz. I'll see you down the road. You headed to Boyd Crowder's? Now, why don't we just cut the sh1t, marshal? Now, you won't talk to me or my deputies 'cause you think I'm in Boyd's pocket. Raylan: I think Lynyrd Skynyrd's overrated. I know you're in Boyd's pocket. I used Boyd to get into office, but my loyalty's to the law. Raylan: You understand if I call bullshit and be on my way. I'm afraid I won't. Now, if Drew Thompson is alive and in Harlan, that is a story for the ages. But the only thing I know for certain is that Josiah Cairn is a parolee gone missing, making it my responsibility to find him. Now, your Drew Thompson agenda aside, I brought you to Roz. If you think you got a line on what happened to Josiah, you're gonna share it with me. Raylan: You gonna say "please"? [ Indistinct conversations ] I'm so sorry, man. Meeting went long. Tim: Glad you're still going to meetings. How's your leg? Well, doc says I need one more surgery. Pins pinch like hell. Tramadol helps some, but I got to tell you... much as Oxy screwed up my life, it sure knocked out the pain. Tim: You try acupuncture? That needle bullshit? Tim: You remember Chewy... That CSAR helo pilot pulled us out of Sangin, karaoke badass? Yeah. Tim: Said it helped him with his back. Maybe help you with your menstrual cramps, then. Tim: Nah, those went away once I got on birth control. I-I appreciate you coming. Tim: Well, look, I got your message. I thought maybe you... Slipped up again. Nah. Nah, man, I'm good. Two months now. [ Chuckles ] Tim: Okay. So what...? But I need your help. I still have some debts from my user days. Tim: sh1t, Mark. You know I really don't have that much cash... No, no, I don't want it. It's my debt, and I'll pay it. I was more hoping you might come with me. It'll only take 15 minutes. I promise. Tim: All right. sh1t, brother, I owe you one. Tim: It's okay. I love a good excuse to show off the biceps anyway. Hold on. Hey, Boyd Crowder's ride. Colton: Hey. Marshal Givens' sidekick. Tim: You here for a check-up? Colton: Yeah, I got a... [ Coughs ] Bagram lung. Tim: Didn't know the doctors took appointments this late. Colton: Yeah, it's a courtesy for the after-work crowd. Tim: All right, well, you... Look after yourself. I know those eyes. That guy's in a world of hurt. [ Clears throat ] [ Urinating ] [ Sniffs ] [ Chuckles ] You got a problem? Colton: I'm looking for a dealer. Man, I'm clean. I'm not trying to get involved in nothing like that. Jesus Christ, man. Colton: Betcha that dick just got a lot smaller, huh? I can find you a dealer. You got a picture or something? Colton: No picture... Just any dealer. He just has to be from here. Okay, okay. What are you looking to score? Colton: Heroin. It's got to be heroin. [ Cellphone vibrates ] Oh, sh1t. Hold it. Come on. God damn it. You were saying? Ava: You and Johnny get the name? Boyd: We did... narrow them down to 13 men. Soon as Colton gets back from Audry's, we're gonna go knocking on doors. Ava: Well, I got another idea, if you'd like to hear it. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Well, I'm all ears. Ava: Napier's place. He has them parties every week, and we can go. Boyd: Uh, baby, I don't mean to sound rude, but how do you think we're gonna get into Napier's party? He'd shoot me 'fore I got through the door. Ava: Not if we use Arnold to get us an invite. 'Less his wife wants to hear about his more peculiar tendencies. Boyd: Do you know what happens up at these parties? Ava: It's a swingers' party, not a whorehouse. I know I can handle myself. Baby, all them Clover Hill boys are gonna be there. You can talk to them real friendly-like, all at once. Boyd: Ava, we don't fit in up there. Ava: I'll put on my little red dress, and we'll fit in just fine. Boyd: Uh... well, Shelby, I believe it's customary to knock before you walk into a room. Well, you want me to go back out and come back in again? Boyd: No, I want you to go back out and then go back out. We're in the middle of something here. Well, it's gonna have to wait, 'cause I need you to come with me. Boyd: Did you not hear what I just said? I ain't asking, Boyd. Boyd: Excuse me? Don't worry about that gun. It ain't loaded. Well, I didn't figure you'd shoot me in front of her, anyway. Now, I need you to turn around, put your hands behind your back. Ava: Hold on, Shelby. You arresting him? That's what it looks like, isn't it? Ava: On what charge? He'll find out soon enough. Boyd: Son, you are turning a corner that you can't walk back around. Well, that's like warning a man it's gonna rain when he's already wet. Now, let's go. The hell are you doing? Colton: Hey. Maybe I'm looking for you. [ Scoffs ] Expecting to find me under the bed? Colton: You got a smart mouth. What else can you do with that mouth? I'm a professional. I do it all. Colton: How about... You go get Ellen May... And the three of us have a good time? Ellen May? She's gone. Colton: Yeah, I know, but... I think you know where she is. How should I know? I haven't seen her in days! Colton: She has been back here! You're lying to me! I ain't lying! Colton: Bullshit! [ Groans ] [ Clatter ] Jesus! Hey! You want a freebie, you ain't got to wreck my sh1t to get it. Colton: [ Grunts ] Ohh! Colton: Damn it! I don't know where Ellen May is, and your smacking me around ain't gonna change that! Colton: Okay, hey. How about any of the other girls, huh? You think maybe they know where she is? Not that I know of. Colton: Hey, listen, I'm... I'm not a bad person. [ Scoffs ] Colton: No. [ Laughs ] Colton: You believe me, don't you? Okay, good. Aah! Oh, God! [ Whimpers ] Colton: You tell anyone about this... I will cut out your tongue. And then we're gonna see what kind of professional you are. Aah! [ Gasping ] [SCENE_BREAK] Boyd: You want to tell me what this is about? 'Cause I ain't laughing. Well... he says he was playing checkers with his grandma. Boyd: Well, now, that's before I realized you two were acquainted. Raylan: Well, we're just getting to know one another. How long were you up there for? Boyd: Oh, well, I thought it might take Colton a little while to find a saw, so I decided to eat my way through the tree. Raylan: Mm. Call your deputies. Have them check Josiah's foot for teeth marks. Boyd: His foot? That's all we found of him. Raylan: So far. Boyd: Let me get this straight... You brought me in here to ask if I cut up Josiah when you know that I spent all night handcuffed to a tree, freezing my goddamn ass off?! Well, maybe not you, but one of your guys. Boyd: You know, my mama always told me a man who couldn't keep his word wasn't much of a man at all. Now, given our history, Shelby, I'm wondering what kind of man that makes you. The kind whose mama raised him so's he could look in the mirror in the morning and not hate what he saw looking back. Boyd: Well, how did that man feel when he was a greeter at a big-box store? Raylan: Ouch. That's a shitty job. Before the academy, I worked cleaning bathrooms in dive bars. I used to work for a crime-scene cleanup crew. Raylan: Think you got me beat. Boyd: Well, as much as I'd like to participate in writing your occupational r sum s, I've got somewhere I got to be. Now, you want to take these handcuffs off or do you want me to pick them, like I did the last set? Sit your ass down. We ain't done yet. Boyd: Well, I'm done with you, Shelby. Now, you don't want to talk about Josiah, maybe there's some other case you don't want to talk about. Maybe a missing-persons case... Whore worked for you. Sweet girl... got wrapped up in that church you had me investigate. Ellen May... yeah. I haven't seen her lately. Raylan: You do something to Ellen May, Boyd? I liked Ellen May. Boyd: All right, just so you're clear in your head, Raylan, I did not kill Josiah Cairn. Raylan: You're saying he's dead? Boyd, if you know something we don't, say it. Boyd: You said the man got his foot cut off? So if he hasn't already met his maker, he's well on his way... Joining all his other asshole friends. That's what assholes do, Raylan. They get old and die from being assholes. Raylan: But while they're alive, they got the right to be alive. Boyd: Unless somebody says they don't. [ Door opens ] What are the charges? Boyd: Well, would you look at that. My lawyer, right on cue. Raylan: You're Arlo's lawyer. Boyd: Somebody had to provide your daddy with representation. Because if he's not under arrest, we're leaving right now. Get those handcuffs off of him. Raylan: Why are you stalling the deal? Excuse me? Raylan: AUSA says they've reached out to you on Arlo's deal, but they haven't heard back. I don't know what you're talking about. Come on. Boyd: You boys have a nice day. Johnny: Teri. No... hey, hey. What the hell happened? It's nothing. Johnny: Who did this to you? I can still work. Johnny: I don't care about that. What I care about is that eye swelling shut. It was a customer. Johnny: Which customer? Can't say. Johnny: No, you can, and you will. It ain't that big a deal. Johnny: Yes, it is. I got to make sure that this asshole knows that he is not welcome here. Teri. U-um... It was Max. My Tuesday-night regular. Could I get another blanket? Listen, I know your friends are telling you that you're gonna get paid off for this deal, but I am not who they think I am. Shut up, old man. Can't you see I got a pair of scissors in my hand? Well, it's official. That sh1t ain't coming out. Ruined my goddamn van. What the hell are you doing? What's it look like? Looks like you're getting toenails all over my goddamn garage floor. Now, cut it out. You need to calm down, bro. You cut a man's foot off, ruin my van... you want me to calm down? The tether would've brought the cops. Hey! Y'all need me alive, don't you? Get me some goddamn water. You're a criminal. How do you get bloodstains out of upholstery? Oh, sh1t. He don't look so good. 'Course I don't look so good. I'm dying here, asshole. I thought you said the belt was gonna stop the bleeding! Ow! Just get me to a hospital! Aah! Oh, sh1t. It's bleeding bad. Look, he don't live, we don't get paid. Ohh! You best hope that don't happen. Well, I'm not the one who took an ax to the man's leg. And if I'd have known you'd turned into a bona fide psychopath with all that time in the joint, I wouldn't have asked you to help out. Well, if I had known you'd turned into a bona fide pussy, I wouldn't have said yes. You two want to be any louder? I don't think the whole neighborhood heard you. How is he? Not good. How far away are your guys? Half-hour at least. We got to stop the bleeding. He ain't gonna make it. I can get some bandages. Blowtorch. Blowtorch will stop it. Oh. We're not using a blowtorch. Why not? Because I wanted to retire on a beach somewhere and not take an open flame to a man's leg. Look, m-maybe it's time we start thinking about cutting bait here, you know? I don't get paid, I'm gonna kill you both and take my cut out of you. You understand me? Yeah. Good. Now go get the goddamn torch. April, honey? You home? [ Laughter ] Is dinner... oh, hey, Arnold. This here's Ava Crowder. Oh, honey, you didn't say we had company. Ava: Mr. Judge Executive. It is a pleasure to meet you. Likewise. Well, Ava and I went to high school together. Ava: Well, not exactly together. I mean, April's a few years older. You sure don't look it. [ Laughs ] You don't know this, but you're one of the girls inspired me to become a cheerleader. Oh! Ain't that nice? [ Laughs ] Ava's up here putting together a memory book for the high school cheer squad. We've been reliving the good old days. Ava: [ Laughing ] Yeah. Remember... Ava: Oh, yeah! Together: Go... wildcats! [ Both laugh ] Go, indeed. Ava: I'm definitely gonna use this one. Aww... little Teddy bear in the wildcat Jersey. Isn't that cute? That's not you, is it, Arnold? No, it is not. [ Laughs ] You know, I would love to look through these lovely pictures of my wife, as well. Uh, April, honey, do me a favor. Go grab my reading glasses from upstairs. Oh, yeah, sure. I'll be right back. Thanks, darling. The hell are you doing here? Ava: Now, Arnold, be nice. No reason to let them bear claws come out. Tell me what you want. Ava: [ Sighs ] I want you to get me and Boyd an invite to Napier's party tomorrow night. 'Less you want me to tell your wife about your fondness for wildlife. [ Sighs ] [ Laughing ] Hell, girl. All you want is an invitation to the party? You could've just asked. Don't have to threaten me for that. sh1t. Ava: Well, what about Boyd? Can't imagine that's gonna be easy. Eh, women are probably gonna like him. Guys will be giving up their left nuts just to get a shot at you. Ava: I meant Napier. Oh, I'll handle Napier. You just consider yourself invited, okay? Both of you. Ava: Okay. All right. [ Engine shuts off ] [ Car door closes ] [ Vehicle approaches ] What the hell you think that was about? Raylan: I got a vague notion. You see the license plate? It was a rental. Raylan: I bet if you check the rental agreement, you'll get a Detroit credit card. He's gonna struggle. You two need to hold him down. I'm actually feeling a whole lot better now. I-i can't be part of this. Hey, hey, hey! You're gonna do it, or you're next. Now grab his arms. No! You grab his legs. No! No! Just hold his damn leg. I swear I am not Drew Thompson. That's not what Arlo Givens said. Well, Arlo Givens is a lying sack of sh1t! You two done yet? Aah! [ Screaming ] Raylan: Back off! Get away from him right now! Back away! You turn that off... right now. Stop it! Are you kidding me? [ Doorknob rattles ] [ Sighs ] Jesus! Aah! Raylan: What the hell was that? You picked a couple winners here, darling. Which one's your client? The dumb one. Raylan: That don't narrow it down. Hell of a day, huh, Josiah? Call an ambulance. Raylan: Says the man who tried to kill me. Well, I can explain that. Raylan: I'm surprised this brush with death has not given you a greater appreciation for living in the moment. Well, I ain't Drew, if that's what you're wondering about. Raylan: I figured as much. Arlo would never tell Sonya who Drew was without his deal being in place. Still, you tried to send me to my death, and I'd like you to tell me why. I figured I'd get rid of you and find Drew myself and get out of that damn tether. Raylan: Well, you got out of the tether. How were you gonna find him? This fella I used to know... Former lawman from Harlan. If Drew was hiding here, he'd know. Raylan: What lawman? [ Laughs ] You ought to know. He's in jail for trying to have you killed. Hunter and me were deputies together. I never did care for him much. Raylan: Man tried to have me killed. How do you think I feel about him? Well, let me know if I can help. Raylan: Thanks. I appreciate that. When was the last time you shot somebody? Raylan: Well, it's been a while, actually. You? Oh, about 20 years. I was on my way to meet my girlfriend at the Dairy Queen. I was gonna propose to her. Kid in a truck cut me off at the light, so I followed him instead. I got him cornered in a parking lot, yelled at him to get the hell out of his truck. Unbeknownst to me, he's robbed a liquor store in Lynch. "He ain't gonna do nothing," I say. So, the son of a bitch hit the gas, come flying at me. Truck hits me in the legs. I go flying in the air. Got one shot off... hit him square in the chest. Raylan: Maybe I could use your help. Well, wasn't always a greeter in a big-box store. Raylan: That thing on Ellen May... You really got something on her missing? I can't remember. Raylan: Having fun with me now. Well, spent most of my years as a lawman chasing your daddy. How do I know his tendencies ain't been passed down? Raylan: Fair enough. That notwithstanding, you got something on Boyd, my advice... Tell someone quick. After today, he's coming after you sooner than later. Appreciate the warning, Raylan. [ Engine turns over ] Raylan: You ever marry that girl? No. And I put flowers on that kid's grave every week. [ Both laugh ] [ Scoffs ] Got to be sh1tting me. You got balls of steel, showing up like this. I'm just here to resolve our issue. Who's he? Tim: I'm just a friend. You want to let us in, or you want to discuss drug deals out here on your porch? Come on, come on. Get out. Get out! [ Locks click ] Hey, hey! Hey, hey! Oh, yeah. Where you going? You know the drill. Hey! Tim: Dude. Everybody strips comes in here. Only way I can be sure you ain't wearing a wire. Oh, and that I'm the only one packing. Sorry, man. I-I should've warned you. You take them off, or we're gonna have a major problem on our hands. Tim: Look, we're not here to score. We're just here to work out mark's debt. Debt? That what he told you? Well, last time I saw this piece of sh1t, he ripped me off. 800 bucks. And a bottle of oxys. Tim: What the hell, man? Hey, hey, all right. Everybody just calm down. Okay, last time I was here, I was high and I took some things that weren't mine, but that's why I'm here now... to make things right. Oh, you want to make things right? Well, then you gonna give me double what you stole. Hey, man... Tim: Mark. Fine. Thing is, I don't have it right now. Do not say that to me. I can get part of it to you by next week. I hate it when people say that, all right? Tim: Good thing I never took my pants off, huh? Now, Mark's trying to make things right with you. You need to let him. It's just gonna take you a little longer to settle up than you might've hoped. Well, patience might be a virtue, but waiting sucks. Tim: Well, I agree with that. But getting your money and living is better than getting shot, don't you think? Now, what do you say we lower our guns at the same time as a show of faith? How about a show of good faith, Mark here gives me a down payment? Everything he's got on him right now. No chance. Tim: Mark. You heard the man. I got to pay my rent... Tim: Hand it over to him. I will shoot you myself. [ Indistinct talking on TV ] Hey, Robbie, get in here. You got to see this, man. [ Laughs ] Johnny: You Max? Yeah. Johnny: Turn that sh1t off. The hell are you? Hey, man! Johnny: Get up. Teri, the girl you see on Tuesdays? [ Scoffs ] How's that any of your business? Johnny: Well, as a matter of fact, Teri is literally my business. She works for me. So? I pay her. Even bring her flowers from the store when I got a mind to remember. Johnny: You must've had a screw loose, thinking you could toss her around and not hear about it. Who you think you are, come in here, interrogate me like I'm in Gitmo? Get the hell out of here. Johnny: No, son. Now, see, this is where we tell you what to do, not the other way around. Colton: Get on your knees. What, he didn't finish sucking you off? Aah! I didn't do nothing! Johnny: Now, here's how it is... You go and hit one of the girls, you hit us. And we... We are gonna hit you back with a vengeance. I didn't do it, man. Aah! [ Groans ] No, please! I didn't hit nobody! Plea... [ Sobbing ] Please... no! No more, please... Johnny: All right, all right, all right! Lesson learned! Don't kill him, Colt! Jesus! Colton: That's for hitting a girl. Johnny: God damn. Hey, check his pulse. Colton: Check it yourself. Ava: I'm glad you're still here. Boyd: Colton and Johnny had to run an errand. Well, I'm assuming you're in that dress 'cause you want me to go with you up to Arnold's. Ava: Already went. And we are invited to Napier's house tomorrow night. Arnold even seemed happy to have us. Boyd: Okay, baby. We'll try it your way. Ava: I'm struggling here, Boyd. [ Sighs ] You asked me earlier if I loved you. You know the answer to that's "yes." Now, I didn't lose any sleep over devil. Certainly not Delroy. But Ellen May being in the ground... It's tearing me apart. Boyd: Ava, she could've destroyed us. Ava: I know. Doesn't keep me from seeing her face every time I close my eyes. I have and I will do anything for you, Boyd Crowder. But if we're gonna continue down this road, I got to know where we're headed. Boyd: You meet me in that truck in two minutes. Ava: Boyd, I... Boyd: Baby. Please. Ava: Okay. [ Door closes ] Boyd: My mama... she used to bring me up here when I was a little boy. And I would look out at these lights, pretend that they were stars. I'd step in my spaceship and just float through the universe. It wasn't long 'fore somebody run us off. We weren't really welcome up here. Ava: That your spaceship? It's awful small. Boyd: It's for you. Answer to your question from earlier. Ava: That's a lot of money. Boyd: I've been stashing away for the last few months. I hated to hide it from you. I've just, uh... been waiting for the time to be right. Ava: Right for what? Boyd: It's a down payment on a house, Ava... Anywhere you want it. Maybe it'll even be a place with a view like this. Ava: [ Chuckles ] Boyd... Boyd: This is why we're doing the things we're doing. It's for the future. Three generations' time, we'll be an old family name. Won't nobody think twice about their kid and a-a crowder kid playing together after school. Ava: Kids? What are you saying? Boyd: Look underneath. Ava: [ Clears throat ] [ Gasps ] Boyd: I know this ain't exactly how most people do it... Ava: [ Sighs ] Boyd: Professing their love over a box of cash, but the way I see it, Ava crowder, you and me... Well, we ain't like most people. Ava: [ Voice breaking ] No, we ain't. Boyd: A-Ava... Ava: [ Chuckles ] Boyd: The love of my life... The apple of my eye... Ava: [ Chuckles ] Boyd: Will you marry me? Ava: God, yes. [ Laughs ] Oh, baby, it's the other hand. [ Laughs ] Boyd: [ Laughs ] Ava: [ Squeals ] [ Both laugh ]

Raylan is in Cairn's yard and it's daytime, marking the end of Raylan's 24-hour opportunity to find Drew Thompson and ruin Raylan's dad's plan to get out of prison. Raylan's boss, Art, tells Raylan that the deal for Arlo is on hold for some reason. This gives Raylan more time to track down Drew Thompson and remove his dad's leverage. There's also a severed foot to deal with. Raylan finds a bloody footprint in the yard that is unmistakably from Cairn's stepdaughter's cast boot (earlier in the season Raylan saw the stepdaughter get stabbed in the foot by a constable). Raylan doesn't know where she may have run off to, so he starts with her boyfriend's trailer. Raylan finds the boyfriend target shooting at a picture of a Native American. Sheriff Shelby turns up, and deduces from the picture where the stepdaughter is. After they find her, she tells them some guys in a beat-up van took her stepdad and called him "Drew Thompson." Raylan and Shelby don't have anything to go on, so the sheriff brings in Boyd for questioning. Boyd's lawyer shows up to get Boyd, and deflects Raylan's questions about why she's stalling Arlo's pardon. Raylan and the sheriff follow the lawyer to a house with a beat-up van and find Cairn. Cairn says the former Harlan county sheriff Hunter somehow knows where Drew Thompson is.

fd_Torchwood_2x07

fd_Torchwood_2x07_0

INTRODUCTION JACK HARKNESS : (v.o.) Torchwood. Outside the Government, beyond the police. Fighting for the future on behalf of the human race. The 21st century is when everything changes... and Torchwood is ready. INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - NIGHT Martha pulls back the sheet covering Owen on the autopsy table. He's naked and cleaned up, ready to be autopsied. Martha adjusts the mike hanging from above. MARTHA : The time is 21.30. This is Doctor Martha Jones. Gwen, Toshiko and Ianto are up on the deck in the background. MARTHA: Autopsy on Owen Harper, Caucasian, age 27. Torchwood Officer 565. Time of death witnessed at approximately 20.30. Autopsy begins. Martha puts her mask on. She picks up the biggest knife she can find on the instrument tray and prepares to make the first cut. Ianto closes his eyes. Martha brings the knife down, the curtains in the back open. Jack steps into view. JACK : Stop ! Nobody touches him till I get back, is that clear ? Jack runs out. Everyone is surprised. Martha is left holding the knife. EXT. STREET - NIGHT The Torchwood SUV screeches to a stop in front of a large iron gate. Jack rushes out of the vehicle. INT. STAIRS - NIGHT Jack hurries down the stairs. He pounds his fist on the door. INT. BAR - NIGHT Jack hurries through the hazy room. He's bumps into a man as he moves through the room looking for someone. A large burly bodyguard dressed in back stops him in his tracks with a hand on his chest. SECURITY GUARD : Whoa. Jack stops in frustration. The little girl sitting in the booth turns around and sees Jack. LITTLE GIRL : It's all right. CLOSE-UP of a tarot card with a knight with a sword on it. The Knight looks suspiciously like Jack. LITTLE GIRL : I've been looking forward to seeing the Captain again. She shows Jack the card. Jack doesn't smile at all. [SCENE_BREAK] The little girl looks at a card off the tarot deck as she talks with Jack. She puts the card back down on the top of the deck. JACK : Can you see where it is ? LITTLE GIRL : You'll owe me a favor. Jack leans forward. JACK : Well ? The little girl flips over the card on the table and shows it to him. JACK : They hid it in a church ? LITTLE GIRL : No. (She puts the card down). When the people found out what it could do, they built the church on top of it. Jack gets up and heads for the door. LITTLE GIRL : If I told you not to use it, would you listen ? Jack stops and looks back at her. JACK : Shouldn't you know the answer to that ? Jack heads out. The tarot card of Death breaks into frame as she holds it. LITTLE GIRL : I do. That's the problem. EXT. ST. MARY'S CHURCH - NIGHT View of the sign to the top of the church, a tall imposing sight. The church is dark and quiet. Jack steps into frame. He viciously kicks the sign down. It falls onto the grass. INT. ST. MARY'S CHURCH - NIGHT The door opens. The light from Jack's flashlight shines brightly in the dark church. He walks into view and makes his way slowly through the church. The place is a mess. Pews are overturned and a large heavy bell is tipped over on the floor. Something growls. Jack immediately covers his flashlight completely with his hand as he listens. Once his eyes adjust, he sees it. There in front of him, the sanctuary floor is covered with weevils. Dozens. More weevils than can count and they're sleeping. Jack closes his eyes. This isn't going to be easy, but he's determined and he slowly makes his way through the sleeping weevils. He keeps a tight hold on the light of his flashlight, using it only to get a good look at his bearings and where he needs to go. He carefully places his feet on open areas between the tightly packed bodies on the floor. It's a slow process that could be disaster for him if he doesn't do it properly. He puts his foot down to take a step. The sleeping weevil tucks its arm around his foot and holds on. Jack freezes. He carefully pulls his foot out of the sleeping weevil's grip. The weevil continues to sleep. After a pause, Jack breathes, turns and sees the wooden chest at the front of the church. [SCENE_BREAK] He's there. He looks back to make sure the weevils are still sleeping, then he opens the chest.Inside are plastic doll parts. Jack takes a step back and puts his foot in some metal cans behind him. He makes a loud clatter. The weevils continue to snore. Jack digs through the dolls inside the chest. Whatever he's looking for isn't there. He looks up at the wall of junk, discarded toys and pieces of wood. Sunlight from outside filters through the holes in the junk. He looks behind the wall of junk and finds a box tucked in the back. He turns off his flashlight and reaches for it. He can't grab it. Jack climbs up and misses his footing. His leg hits the piano keyboard sending a sound loud enough to wake the weevils from their sleep. The weevils get up snarling and growling. Jack spares no time. He grabs the box. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS Ianto sits on the couch. Martha sits next to him. She's out of her scrubs and in regular clothes. Everyone is quiet as they wait for Jack to return. The alarm sounds and the cog door rolls open. Jack hurries into the hub carrying the box. He hurries past them toward his office. GWEN : Jack .. ? INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE Jack puts the box down on his desk and opens the box. Gwen and the others walk in. GWEN : Jack, what have you got ? Jack reaches into the box and takes out the glove. Similar in looks to the resurrection glove from episode 1X01, only this one is for the left hand. TOSHIKO : Oh, my God. GWEN : You can't use it. Not after Suzie. JACK : I'm using the glove. I'm bringing Owen back. Opening title INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA Jack hurries into the autopsy area with the glove. Gwen and the others follow him. GWEN : Are you really going to use that after what happened last time ? Jack, the gloves are dangerous. At best it'll give us two minutes. At worst... who knows what will happen ? JACK : It's not up for discussion. GWEN : I thought the glove didn't work for you. The monitor beeps off screen, probably as they hook it up to Owen. The constant drone of it flatlining is heard. JACK : Different glove, different circumstances. This time, it has to work for me. I'm not going to give it any choice. Okay, if you've got anything you need to say to Owen, now is your chance. Jack puts the glove on his left hand. Everyone is quiet. Jack cradles Owen's head in his gloved hand. He closes his eyes and looks up as he concentrates, trying to make that connection. Electricity crackles. JACK : Owen ... it's Jack. Can you hear me ? Jack opens his eyes and looks up. JACK : Owen ! Hear my voice ! Get a hold of it, let it draw you out, pull you out. Ianto watches the monitor. IANTO : I'm not getting any vital signs. JACK : Owen, it's me, Jack. (To everyone) He's coming, he's coming ! Loud electrical pulses sound. Suddenly, Owen's eyes open. He screams, loud and long. OWEN : Aahh ! MARTHA : Oh, my God ! OWEN : What happened ? Where am I ? Oh, God I'm shot, he shot me ! JACK : Owen, listen to me, we don't have long. OWEN : Where am I ? This isn't the hospital, this is the autopsy room. (Jack puts the back of his hand against Owen's cheek,mumbles). What am I doing here ? (Owen turns and sees the glove). Jack, oh, no ! What's that ? What's that ? JACK : The resurrection glove. We lost you, but I brought you back. OWEN : How long have I got ? IANTO : We're at thirty seconds and counting. OWEN : Oh, no. Jesus. Really ? JACK : Okay, team, say your goodbyes. Owen mumbles something. Jack looks at Gwen. JACK : Gwen. Gwen doesn't say anything. Ianto keeps time on the stopwatch. OWEN : Gwen, no offense, but I've only got two minutes to live ! JACK : Tosh ! Toshiko appears next to the table. TOSHIKO : I'm gonna miss you. (Leans in closer, quieter). And I love you. I always have. JACK : Owen, I need the code for the alien morgue. You're the only one who knows it. OWEN : You brought me back for that ? For that ?! JACK : Sorry ! OWEN : Oh, Jack, it's 231165. Ianto repeats the number to himself to remember it. OWEN : Okay ? JACK : Sorry, and to help you prepare. I know what death is. I want you to be ready. Jack clutches onto Owen's hand. OWEN : There's nothing. Just ... just darkness. IANTO : Two minutes. OWEN : Jack, Jack... JACK : Be brave ! Owen prepares himself. JACK : Owen ! The monitor beeps. JACK : Owen ! Jack releases his hold on Owen's head. The heart monitor flatlines. TOP VIEW DOWN : Owen on the table, his eyes closed and the heart monitor flatlining the only sound in the room. Jack is still clutching his hand. Everyone is quiet, grieving. Toshiko is crying. OWEN : (o.s.) I'm really gonna need that hand back. Jack's eyes widen. He looks at Owen to find Owen looking back at him. JACK : Owen ? Now everyone is freaked. IANTO : Two minutes, twenty. Jack stands up and backs away from Owen. The glove is still on his hand. JACK : Look, I'm not using the glove. OWEN : But I'm still here. IANTO : Oh, here we go again. Jack shudders, removes the glove and tosses it on the level near Gwen's feet. Gwen backs away from the glove. Owen sits up, panting. Everyone stares at him. OWEN : Maybe I cheated it somehow. Maybe... I wasn't meant to die so I'm being kept alive. Ah, somebody pass me my pants, please. Whoa ! Owen looks down and sees the bullet wound in his chest. OWEN : Uhh... In the background, Jack and Ianto tend to Owen. JACK : It's okay. I hate to say it, but... you'll get used to it. CLOSE ON : The resurrection glove. Unnoticed by anyone, the fingers move. ABRUPT CUT TO : INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - CONTINUOUS Dressed now, Owen tries to listen to his own heart with a stethoscope. Jack and the others follow. OWEN : My God. No heartbeat. There's no pulse. MARTHA : Owen, you can't lead the investigation. OWEN : Why not ? MARTHA : Because you're the subject of it, and because... you're dead. OWEN : Are you sure about that ? MARTHA : Yes, I'm sure. Owen points to the computer monitor. Gwen, who sits in the chair, backs away from him. OWEN : Well, I'm okay. Look, there's electrical activity in my brain. MARTHA : That shouldn't be possible. OWEN : Well, I'm still here and actually, I feel amazing ! MARTHA : So, where's the power coming from ? GWEN : Suzie survived because she was draining energy from me. Owen could be doing the same to Jack. They look at Jack. JACK : I feel fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Toshiko runs a hand-held monitor along Jack's arm as she scans him. Owen dabs at the remaining blood on his face and buttons up. TOSHIKO : The Philemon filter detects biochemical energy. (Martha nods). It's how we knew Suzie was draining Gwen. MARTHA : And ? TOSHIKO : Nothing. There's no connection between them. It's not... Jack. JACK : I told you. I feel fine. OWEN : So what's keeping me ticking ? The energy in my brain must be coming from somewhere. Ianto arrives carrying the glove which appears to be holding his hand. Gwen reacts as he passes by her. IANTO : This glove is different to the other one. Maybe different gloves do different things ? MARTHA : How many are there ? IANTO : Two. Well, they do tend to come in pairs. Martha rolls her eyes. IANTO : We fished the first one out of the harbor last year. MARTHA : But where does it come from, originally ? JACK : Good question. No idea. Gwen gets up from her seat and slips away. Owen looks at his own hand. JACK : Tosh, do an analysis of the glove, see you if you can find out. Ianto hands the glove to Toshiko. JACK : Owen, I don't need to tell you that you're under quarantine. OWEN : You don't, and yet, you still do. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - SECOND FLOOR CATWALK - CONTINUOUS Gwen is sitting on the catwalk grating. She's on her phone as the line on the other end rings. INTERCUT WITH : INT. GWEN'S PLACE - NIGHT The phone rings. Rhys was sleeping. He gets up and answers it. RHYS : Hey. GWEN (quietly) : Oh, I woke you up, I'm sorry. RHYS : No, no, you didn't. So, uh, what's happened ? You coming home soon ? You know, tonight, next week ? In time for our wedding ? Gwen is quiet. RHYS : I was only teasing. GWEN (crying) : No, it's not that, it's not that. RHYS : What's happened ? What's wrong ? (He realizes she's crying, concerned). Are you all right ? Gwen ? GWEN (softly) : A tough day, a tough day. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA Owen is sitting on the autopsy table. He looks at his right hand. Martha walks in looking very serious. Owen gets up. OWEN : You're kind of cute when you frown. MARTHA : The energy from the glove is spreading out through your body, changing its composition. If you keep this on, we should be able to monitor changes as they happen. She secures a monitor to his wrist. OWEN : You've stopped flirting with me. I mean, it's all right. I wouldn't flirt with me in my condition either, but... uh, is it still necrophilia if I'm conscious ? MARTHA : What was it like ? To die ? OWEN : I don't think I should say. MARTHA : Why not ? OWEN : I'm not sure the living should know... "the living..." It might change the way you live your life. MARTHA : You tell me right now, Owen. Owen walks over to the light and lifts the x-ray film up to look at it. OWEN : It's hard to describe, there aren't the words for it. It's like, er... Martha sits down and listens intently to him. MARTHA : What ? OWEN : There was a light. Tiny speck of light. And I was rushing towards it, like down a corridor. Then it glowed brighter and brighter... then suddenly there were these gates... these big pearly gates... (Martha rolls her eyes and gets up). ...and there was this old geezer and he said you've been a very naughty boy. Owen chuckles. MARTHA : Idiot ! Martha picks up the clipboard and writes on it. OWEN : There was nothing, well, not that I can remember. Suzie said it was different. MARTHA : What did she see ? OWEN : She said there was something beyond life, something in the darkness, something moving. Owen suddenly wobbles and loses his balances. He hits the tray behind him. Martha rushes over to help him. And suddenly, he falls. DARKNESS. Owen's eyes are open, but he can't see anything. He blinks. Something growls in the darkness. Owen turns this way and that, suddenly very afraid. Something is there in the darkness with him... whispering. OWEN (shouts) : Martha ! Owen turns completely around. He's alone and not alone. He gasps, afraid. OWEN (shouts) : Mar... Martha-a-a ! Owen falls on his side, his body twitching as he bats away at nothing that is attacking him. OWEN (shouts) : Ah ! Martha ! (Screams). Aahh ! JUMP CUT back to reality. Martha is helping Owen back to his feet. Owen grabs onto the metal autopsy table, clutching onto it for dear life. MARTHA (screams) : Ahh ! Jack ! Help ! I need help ! Now ! Jack rushes in. OWEN (yells) : Don't let me die ! JACK : What's happening ? He grabs Owen. Owen struggles against Jack's hold, as if still fighting the thing in the darkness. MARTHA : He just collapsed. Owen ! Owen, can you hear me ? Calm down. Owen stops struggling and just clutches onto Jack's arm. JACK : What happened ? What happened ? OWEN : I was in the darkness. There was something, something... JACK : What ? MARTHA : What did you see ? OWEN (shudders) : I don't know. It was waiting for me. Owen cries. Jack rubs his back. JACK (softly) : This way. LATER : INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM The team meets. MARTHA : Owen's body's undergoing some kind of transformation. His cells aren't decaying, they're changing. JACK : Into what ? MARTHA : An energy I can't identify. But it's growing, all the time. He's about 40% something else. REFOCUS on the monitor with Owen's body scan on it and the bright light that's consuming the image. OWEN : I don't feel any different. JACK : We need to find out where this energy's coming from. TOSHIKO : Presumably it's the same place as the glove, which, judging from its atomic makeup, isn't anywhere local. GWEN : Owen said he went somewhere when he collapsed. Could the energy and the glove come from the same dark place ? JACK : What are we talking about ? Another dimension ? Parallel universe ? OWEN (raises his hand) : Yes, guys, I'm still here. JACK : Sorry. (To Owen) Okay, you said there was something in the darkness, waiting for you. OWEN : Yeah. I felt it; I didn't see it. JACK : Where do you think you went ? OWEN (shakes his head) : Don't know. Everyone is quiet. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB The meeting over, everyone heads back to the workstations. Gwen and Martha walk out. Owen walks out. Toshiko behind him. Jack and Ianto head back to the workstations. MARTHA : So, what now ? JACK : (o.s.) Ianto, check our internal system readings for any dimensional anomalies in the last hour. IANTO : Will do. Toshiko follows Owen. TOSHIKO : Owen ! What I said before, when I thought you were dying... OWEN : I'm not dying. I'm dead. I'm a headless chicken. I just haven't stopped running about yet. He turns away. She rushes to stop him. TOSHIKO : Well, when I told you I... OWEN : Yeah, you didn't mean it. I know. He nods and turns away. TOSHIKO : You do ? OWEN : Yes, uh... I mean, you didn't say anything before, and then, suddenly I'm dying, and it's like, "I love you." That's not love, Tosh. That's grief. You're losing something, so suddenly you desperately desire it, textbook response. Owen turns and starts climbing up the spiral steps. TOSHIKO : Yeah, but Owen I... don't go ! OWEN : I'm just going to the toilet, all right. (Mutters). For crying out loud ! He continues up out of view. INT. THE HUB - LAB - CONTINUOUS Alone, Owen braces his hands against the table and stops to think. VOICE (distorted, o.s.) : Melenkurion... Owen looks up. He turns around and... DARKNESS. He looks around as he hears whispering. A louder, clearer voice comes through. VOICE (distorted, o.s.) : Abatha... Owen looks around. VOICE (distorted, o.s.) : Duroc... He sees nothing. VOICE (distorted, o.s.) : Minas... Owen looks around. VOICE (distorted, o.s.) : Mill Khabaal. JUMP CUT back to reality Owen gasps for breath. He's back in the lab. He stands there for a moment. When he turns around, his eyes are black pools of oily darkness. OWEN (distorted) : Melenkurion abatha... duroc minas mill khabaal ! Owen steps up to the nearest glass to look at his reflection. His eyes are normal again. Owen blinks and hurries out. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA Martha is writing on the clipboard when the hand-held monitor beeps rapidly. She puts the clipboard down and checks the monitor. Whatever she sees has her concerned. She hurries out. INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Jack is working at his desk when Martha rushes in with the monitor. MARTHA : Have you seen Owen ? JACK : He was with Toshiko. MARTHA : The energy in him just went off the scale. Jack jumps out of his seat. INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - CONTINUOUS JACK (shouts) : Owen ! Jack and Martha run out of the office into the workstation area. Gwen is at her computer workstation. JACK (shouts) : Owen ? TOSHIKO : He said he needed the loo. MARTHA : Owen's digestive system has shut down. He can't eat or drink... so he certainly doesn't need to pee. Ianto holds out Jack's coat for him as he puts it on. JACK : He's not answering. GWEN (checking the computer) : Well, he's not in the hub. MARTHA : So he's out there ? JACK : It's Owen, it's not like he's dangerous. The hand-held monitor beeps. MARTHA : You sure about that ? JACK : Meaning ? Jack hurries toward the cog door. MARTHA : You had the power to bring people back to life and you never told UNIT. Why ? Jack turns around. JACK : They would've wanted to use it. MARTHA : I'm on your side, Jack, but Owen's just had a surge of energy that we can't begin to understand. The cells in his body are being transformed into something else. He's about 50% human. And that 50% is dead. We need to stop thinking about him as Owen. JACK : I'll find him. Jack leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT Owen is out walking the streets. INT. NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT VARIOUS CUTS of Owen drinking glass after glass of alcohol. CLOSE ON : THE MONITOR over the bar with an anime grim reaper on it. Owen sits at the bar finishing off another glass of alcohol. A Hen night girl wearing a halo and angel's wings walks up to the bar. HEN NIGHT GIRL : Smile, it won't kill you. Owen rolls his eyes and rests his chin on his hand and elbow on the bar counter. He ignores her. The Hen Night Girl leans in close to Owen's ear. HEN NIGHT GIRL : You're gorgeous, you are. She looks away from him. Owen grabs her and kisses her. She slips her hand down the front of Owen's pants. HEN NIGHT GIRL : Don't you like me ? Owen pushes her away. OWEN : Get off me.(He turns back to the bar). No blood. Brilliant. Owen turns and pushes his way through the crowd of people on the floor in his effort to get out of the club. VOICE 1 : What ? VOICE 2: What have I... VOICE 3: Oi ! Jack steps up to him, stopping him in his tracks. OWEN : How did you find me ? Jack grabs Owen's right hand and lifts it up, showing Owen the wrist band monitor. Owen pushes Jack. Jack doesn't say anything. Owen pushes him back again. OWEN : Do you know what you've done ?! You don't care about me. You brought me back for an alarm code ! Owen turns away. Jack grabs Owen by his jacket and pulls him back. JACK : That is not why I brought you back. OWEN : Have you any idea what it means to know that your life is over ?! (Shouts).That THAT was it ?! That is Owen Harper's contribution to the world ! You idiot ! Owen takes a swing at Jack... and misses when Jack steps aside. Jack grabs Owen and slams him against the nearby bar, breaking the glass on the counter top. He holds Owen's arms behind his back. JACK : Watch it ! Two bouncers grab Jack and Owen from behind. OWEN (shouts) : Get off me ! Get off me, Jack ! Get off me ! The two bouncers pry them apart and move them toward the door to toss them out. JACK : (shouts) : Be careful with him ! EXT. STREET OUTSIDE DISCO CLUB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS The bouncers throw Owen and Jack out of the night club. OWEN : Get off me you meat head, get off ! Owen turns to go back, but Jack stops him. The police officer gets out of the car with flashing lights just outside the club. JACK : Look, that's enough ! OWEN : Let go of me ! POLICE OFFICER : Calm down, Zoe. OWEN : Look, mate. I'm Torchwood. POLICE OFFICER : Yeah, of course you are, and I'm MI5. Owen pushes the officer. The officer grabs Owen and twists his arm behind his back. He slams him up against the brick wall. OWEN : Agh ! Ahh ! More officers arrive. OWEN : I'm Owen Harper. I work for Torchwood on special ops. JACK : Special ops ? What's he on about ? Special needs more like it ! Chuckles. One officer takes Jack to his car while the other struggles with Owen. POLICE OFFICER : Come on. Come on, that's enough ! He pushes Owen face down against the car hood. [SCENE_BREAK] The officer car drives away, lights flashing and sirens wailing. A couple of weevils step into CAMERA FRAME and watch the officer car leave. The Weevil in the foreground, lifts its head and roars. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. JAIL - HOLDING CELL - NIGHT Jack and Owen are in the cell together. Owen slams his hands against the door and looks out the small window. OWEN (shouts) : You call that number, you speak to Police Constable Gwen Cooper ! I want to make a complaint ! He kicks the door. Jack sits on his seat in the cell and watches him. JACK : Enough ! (Owen leans his back against the door). You're dead ! (Owen heads for his own seat). You break your ankle, what are the chances it'll knit back together ? You want to add a wheelchair to your prob... (Owen sits down opposite Jack. His stomach gurgles) Problems ? Owen looks down at his tummy and twists his hips. His stomach sloshes. Jack looks at him. Owen looks at Jack. [SCENE_BREAK] OWEN'S POV Upside-down Jack watches him from his seat. OWEN : I forgot... my digestive system's shut down. Owen is standing on his head. OWEN : That alcohol I drank is, uh, just going to sit in my stomach, it won't go anywhere. JACK : Couldn't you just stick your fingers down your throat ? OWEN : I'm dead. It's just another one of those things. The gag reflex... I lost it in the process. Owen starts moving. OWEN : Hang on, hang on. If I can just... line up my esophagus, I... Owen's stomach sloshes... and gurgles... and the liquid shoots out of his open mouth. Jack immediately pulls his legs up onto his seat. JACK : Oh ! Oh, that is the single most disgusting thing I have ever seen ! And I know disgusting. Owen stops throwing up. He brings his legs down to stand up. OWEN : Ah ! (He straightens and farts).Sorry, Jack, uh... I forgot, that goes on for a while after death. Owen farts again. JACK : For God's sake, let me out ! Owen looks out the cell window. OWEN (wistfully) : But eventually that will stop too. I will fart my last fart. God, I'm going to miss farting, and... s*x. JACK : s*x more than farting, I hope. OWEN : Oh, you take these things for granted. It's only when they're slipping away that you realize how amazing they are. (He looks down at the cell floor.) This could be the last time I see those flecks or you know, feel these bricks underneath my hands. Owen rubs his hands on the brick wall. JACK : "Only in suffering do we recognize beauty". OWEN : Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... Who said that ? JACK : Proust. OWEN : You've read Proust ?! JACK : Yeah ! Owen sits down on the cell bed. JACK : Well, no. We dated for a while. He was really immature. Owen dabs his wrist against his chin. OWEN : You know, none of us know whether to take you seriously when you say those things. They chuckle. JACK : When you've lived as long as I have, you don't make any more up. OWEN : You've got forever. I could have seconds. Hardly seems fair. JACK : It isn't. But then, forever's overrated. OWEN : Not from where I'm sitting. Jack stands up. JACK : If you've got forever, you don't notice the flecks on the concrete... He sits down next to Owen. JACK :... or bother to touch the bricks. And you send your friends into danger, knowing the stakes aren't the same for you, that you might get them killed while you walk away unscathed. OWEN : Then why did you bring me back ? Guilt ? JACK : No, that's not why. OWEN : They why did you, really ? Jack puts his hand on Owen's shoulder. JACK : Because I wasn't ready to give up on you. I guess I was hoping for a miracle. (He ruffles Owen's hair). And I still am. He pushes Owen's head away. Owen smiles. Jack chuckles. JACK : Let's go home. Jack stands up and goes to the window in the cell door. He raps firmly on the door. JACK (loud voice) : Torchwood ! Authorization Harkness ! Jack ! 4-7-4-3-1-7 ! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - NIGHT Toshiko is working at the computer. Gwen walks up to her. GWEN : Jack called in, he's found Owen. (Gwen sits down). They're okay, they're coming back. TOSHIKO : Is he himself ? GWEN : What do you mean, "himself ?" TOSHIKO : I wanted to know why Owen left. Actually, more if he talked to anyone about what I said, so I checked the CCTV. GWEN (amused) : That's a bit like stalking, Tosh. TOSHIKO : I know ! Only now I wish I hadn't. Look. Toshiko turns the monitor to show Owen up in the lab. He turns around to face the camera monitor. His eyes are black pools of darkness. Gwen stands up. Martha watches as well. OWEN (from monitor) : Melenkurion abatha... duroc minas mill khabaal ! GWEN : Oh, my God. MARTHA : What is that ? Toshiko shakes her head. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT Owen and Jack are walking down the street. A weevil suddenly appears between two parked cars and growls. They stop walking. The weevil turns and looks at them. More growling fills the air. They turn and see more weevils approaching from the other side. JACK : There's too many of them. They're after me. I stole the glove from them. Jack motions for Owen. JACK : Go ! Go ! Owen takes off running. Jack stays a moment. He smiles at them, his arms spread out wide in a taunt. Jack backs away, then runs in the same direction after Owen. Owen and Jack run in a small alleyway. A weevil steps out in front of them, halting them in their tracks. OWEN : Whoa ! Jack turns and continues running. Owen looks at the weevil in front of them. OWEN : They must be really pissed off with you. Jack reaches out, grabs Owen's arm and pulls him along. EXT. GARAGE - NIGHT Jack and Owen run along a parking garage. A weevil steps out in front of them and growls. Jack and Owen stop running. The weevil turns to follow them. Jack turns and runs up the stairs. EXT. GARAGE - NEXT LEVEL - NIGHT Jack runs out of the stairwell. JACK : Owen ! He glances behind him. Owen runs out of the stairwell behind him. They run across the empty parking garage. Jack and Owen stop. They look around. Jack pats Owen on the chest. JACK : Stay here. Jack walks out to the side, looking around as he goes. Owen stands still and his eyes narrow as if sensing their presence around him. He turns around to look at the parking exit. Jack continues walking across the parking garage. Owen stands still, watching. Jack reaches the end of the garage. He turns and looks up the drive. He looks around, then starts back. He takes a couple of steps and passes a column. Behind him on the other end of the garage, we see a weevil standing there, watching him. Jack turns and sees the weevil. The weevil growls. Jack starts walking back toward Owen. The weevil moves parallel to him. Jack passes another column. On the other side of the column are four more weevils. Jack runs. JACK : Owen ! The weevils run after him. EXT. PARKING GARAGE - ROOF - NIGHT Jack and Owen are running up the ramp to the roof level of the parking garage. Just one floor below are the weevils, also running in the same direction. Two floors below are more weevils running in the same direction. EXT. PARKING GARAGE - ROOF (5TH LEVEL) - NIGHT Jack and Owen are running across the parking garage rooftop. Owen glances behind him. The weevils are running after them. Jack and Owen reach the end of the rooftop. They both look down at the drop below. Jack turns and pulls out his gun. JACK (cocks his gun) : Owen, get behind me. OWEN : All right. Owen stands beside Jack. OWEN : Come on. Two dozen weevils fill the parking garage roof. The weevil stop. They growl, but they don't advance. Suddenly, the weevils kneel submissively before them, their heads bowed. Jack has no clue what's happening. JACK : Owen, what the hell is going on ? Reveal Owen's eyes are black pools of darkness. OWEN (distorted) : Melkurian abatha ! Duroc minas mill khabaal ! Owen turns and looks at Jack. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - NIGHT Ianto opens the secured unit. TOSHIKO : I need to know what Owen was saying. MARTHA : We all do. He takes out the translator and gives it to Toshiko. She shows it to them. TOSHIKO : This has never let us down before. INT. THE HUB Toshiko attaches the translator to her computer monitor. It beeps and flashes. TOSHIKO : We should be able to play the translation through the computer's speakers. The hand-held translator beeps wildly. TOSHIKO : It's never done that before. They look at the writing on the computer. OWEN (from monitor, translated) : I shall walk the earth and my hunger will know no bounds. The computer shows the words "hunger" and "Earth". GWEN : I've got a really bad feeling about this. The hub alarms sound and the cog door closes. JACK (o.s.) : You don't know the half of it. They turn and find Jack and Owen back in the hub. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONTAINMENT CELLS - NIGHT Owen stands in front of the weevil's cell window. Inside, the weevil growls low as it inches itself toward Owen and the window. It looks at Owen, its nose twitching. In the window's reflection, we see Martha watching. Owen sticks his fingers through the airholes. The weevil gets close enough to smell his fingers. It immediately backs away from him. It lows in its throat. Jack and Martha look at each other. Even Owen appears stunned by the weevil's reaction. OWEN : So I'm King of the Weevils. The weevil huddles in the far corner, kneeling with its head bend. OWEN : Maybe even Weevil Messiah, but whichever way you look at it, it ain't good. Gwen stands on the side with a folder. She steps toward them. GWEN : No, it isn't, and I think it's happened before. She gives Jack the photos of very old wood carvings. JACK : Where did you get this ? GWEN : I found it in an article about black death and what you're looking at are the first images of the Grim Reaper. "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger will no know bounds." In legend, the person who said those words was Death himself. Owen continues to stare at the weevil in the cell. The weevil gives a low howls. MARTHA : But there's no such thing. OWEN : Yeah, I'm dead. I'm not Death. There is a difference. GWEN : Does he know that ? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT Gwen puts the wood carving photos down on the conference table. GWEN : Right, that wood-carving dates back to the 15th century, to a small parish called St.James. When they heard about the plague, they built a wall around the town. Unfortunately, that didn't prevent a little girl from dying. So the legend goes, the priest performs a miracle, brings her back to life, but she doesn't come back alone, she brought Death with her, and he walked amongst them. TOSHIKO (to Jack) : Are we seriously gonna act on something she's googled ? JACK : What was the name of the priest's church ? Gwen looks it up. GWEN : Yep, St Mary's. JACK : That's where I found the glove, which makes the parish of St. James... GWEN :... the town that five hundred years later would turn into a city called Cardiff. OWEN : What happened to the town when Death walked amongst them ? GWEN : People died. Twelve people. Death needed thirteen souls before it had a permanent hold on the Earth. JACK : How did they stop it at twelve ? GWEN : It just says Faith. MARTHA : Owen is changing. Who knows what that energy is ? What if it's making him a host, a gateway ? OWEN : I've been thinking there's something in the darkness, waiting for me to finally pass over, but I've got it wrong, okay, it's the other way around. It's trying to get here through me. Owen's wristband beeps rapidly. He holds his hand up. OWEN : What's this reading now ? Martha checks. MARTHA : Um... 80%. OWEN : What happens when it completes ? You know, we fight monsters... what happens when we turn out to be the monsters, when I do ? JACK : Even if we have to fight you, you're already dead. OWEN : What do we do with the dead ? Jack doesn't want to answer him. OWEN (shouts) : Come on, what do we do ? (Beat). You embalm them. If we inject a formaldehyde solution into my veins, it'll petrify my neural pathways and freeze dry my brain. It's the only way to be sure. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - NIGHT Owen's body scan readings are up on the wall as Martha and Jack work on the solution. It's still at 80%. They both fill syringes with the blue solution. Toshiko appears a level above them. They hook up the syringes into hypodermics. INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT Owen and Gwen are in the conference room. Owen is dressed in white scrubs while Gwen puts his clothes and things in a box. They're both very quiet. GWEN : Are you sure about this ? Gwen closes the box. OWEN : The formaldehyde might irritate, but the ethanol should prevent me feeling its effect. It's a raging carcinogen, but I, uh, don't think I need to worry about that. GWEN : You know what I mean. OWEN : Yeah. I can't sleep, I can't drink and I can't shag, and they are three of my favorite things. Suddenly, Gwen rushes over and hugs Owen fiercely. GWEN : Owen ! OWEN : I'm not the same, Gwen. I came back different, hollow... like I'm missing something. And I do not want to be like this, okay ? Gwen cries. Owen has no tears to shed. OWEN : I'm ready. Gwen lets Owen go and steps back. They look at each other. Gwen gives a small nod. Owen turns and heads out. INT. THE HUB - BACK CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS The back door opens and Owen steps out of the conference room. Gwen follows him. The door closes behind them as they make their way to the others. INT. THE HUB - CONTINUOUS Owen steps out into the main room. He looks around. He crosses the main hub toward the workstations. Ianto is waiting there. They head for the workstations. INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - CONTINUOUS Jack and Martha are setting up the straps in the chair as Toshiko watches. The monitor beeps rapidly. Martha turns and checks it. MARTHA : Owen's at 95%. OWEN : Then let's not waste any more time. No goodbyes. Everyone is quiet. TIME CUT TO : Owen settles back in the chair. Jack straps him in. JACK : Are you ready for the first injection ? Owen nods. Martha turns to get the first hypodermic. The resurrection glove is on the tray covering the needles. It moves, startling her. MARTHA : Agh ! The glove keeps the needles under it. JACK : Someone really doesn't like needles. Suddenly, the glove flies off the tray right toward Martha. She screams and grabs it as she falls backward onto the floor. JACK : Lockdown ! Martha screams as she holds the glove inches from her face, struggling to keep it off her. MARTHA : Ahh ! Owen struggles to get the straps off him. Jack grabs the glove to help Martha. JACK : Martha just... She screams. Jack rips the glove away from her, hurling it back across the room. The glove hits the floor, its fingers still moving wildly. Martha is on the floor. The glove suddenly rights itself and uses its fingers to move itself across the floor. It heads right ward Martha. She screams as she backs away from it. She runs out of room, her back hitting the storage cabinets. Owen continues to struggle to get out of his binds. GWEN : Come on, give me your hand. Martha turns and reaches up. Gwen and Toshiko pull her up off the floor and up to the level above.) GWEN : Watch your foot. Watch your foot. Ianto walks in carrying an umbrella. Owen struggles to get the restraints off. Jack steps up to the stairs. JACK : Owen, Owen, don't move. (Owen stops moving). Everyone spread out. Everyone spreads out. Jack looks at Ianto. They lost sight of the glove. Ianto shakes his head. He doesn't know where it is. GWEN : Where'd it go ? MARTHA (points) : I think it went under the cabinet. The monitor with Owen's body scan is now at 95%. JACK : Are you all right ? MARTHA : Yeah, I think so. JACK (nods) : Good. Suddenly, they can hear the light clicking of the metal on concrete as the glove moves about. Everyone tries to locate the glove's position. GWEN : It's there. Everyone is very quiet and still. Martha peers over the pipe railing. Suddenly, the glove jumps up and grabs the railing next to her. She pushes away. The glove jumps up and clamps onto Martha's face. MARTHA : Ah ! Agh-hhh ! Martha slams back against the wall. She sinks down to the floor, trying to get the glove off her face. Jack hurries over. JACK : Hold her ! Gwen and Toshiko kneel next to Martha, trying to get the glove off her face. TOSHIKO : Jack ! Toshiko moves aside. Jack grabs the glove and tries to pry it off Martha's face. Owen struggles with his bindings. Martha raises her hand and we notice how wrinkly it is, as if the life is being sucked out of her. Using all his strength, Jack manages to get the glove off Martha's face. He struggles with it, then throws it across the room. The glove lands on a tray of supplies. The glove spasms and twitches. Owen watches it as he undoes the straps around his legs. The glove rights itself up, then jumps down to the ground. Owen is free. He gets up and pins it to the floor with his foot. Owen holds his hand out to Toshiko. OWEN : Gun ! The glove struggles. TOSHIKO : If you destroy it, the connection can be lost. Owen turns his hand toward Jack. OWEN : Jack ! Jack hesitates. OWEN (shouts) : Now ! Jack takes his gun out and tosses it to Owen. Owen takes the gun, steps off the glove and shoots it. The glove explodes in a white flash. Everyone takes a deep breath of relief. Gwen turns and sees Martha. GWEN : Oh, my God. Jack turns and sees Martha. Gwen leans forward to check on her. GWEN : Martha ? She kneels down next to Martha who is now very, very old. GWEN : Martha. Jack lifts her hand. GWEN : What's happened to her ? JACK : It's the glove. It did this to her. Owen, help me with her. Owen doesn't answer him. The monitor beeps rapidly. JACK : Owen ! Ianto stares at Owen who drops the gun. Ianto backs away from him. The Owen-scan up on the wall is now at 100%. Owen turns around, his eyes back pools of darkness. DEATH (IN OWEN) (distorted voice) : I will walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds. Agh-hhh-hhh-hhh ! A black gas escapes out of Owen's eyes and mouth. It rises up, gathering and growing bigger and bigger into a shapeless form above him. OWEN (screams) : Agh-hhh-hhh-hhh ! MONSTER-LIKE (growl) : Agh ! Jack rises to his feet. The black smoke gathers and grows. It shapes into something, then... in a flash, it lunges forward in an attack, two skeletal hands reaching forward. SMASH TO BLACK ON JACK Jack takes a deep, gasping breath and opens his eyes. When he looks around, he finds he's buckled in the... INT. TORCHWOOD SUV (PARKED) - NIGHT He unbuckles and runs out into the building. The sign reads : OUT-PATIENTS CLEIFION ALLANOL. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Martha is on a gurney being pushed by Gwen, Ianto and Toshiko. GWEN (shouts) : Police Officer ! I need a medic, now ! Two nurses run forward to help. A doctor waits at the end of the hallway. Back, Owen staggers around the corner. Jack runs and catches up with him. He grabs Owen's arm. JACK : Where did it go ? (Out of breath, Owen pants). Owen ! Owen continues to gasp for breath and points to the others in front of him. Jack runs to catch up with them. The gurney reaches the doctor who tends to Martha. Jack looks at the others. JACK : So what happened to that thing ? Owen catches up enough to see, but remains apart and behind the others. GWEN : It's gone. JACK : So it's out there ? LATER : In the room, Jack holds a small compact mirror in front of Martha so she can see her reflection. The others remain outside with the doctor. DOCTOR : How do you know her ? I take it you're not family. GWEN : She's a neighbour... we look in, do her shopping, collect her pension, that sort of thing, you know ? DOCTOR : Her red blood cell count is through the floor and she's massively dehydrated. All of which has placed a considerable strain on her heart. GWEN : You've got to help her. DOCTOR : We are. But you have to accept she's, what ? 80 ? GWEN : Just do what you can, please. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside the room, Martha look at her aged reflection. The others enter the room. MARTHA : It must be Death, because it's stolen my life. Jack takes the mirror from her. JACK : We'll find a way to reverse this. Jack steps away to talk with Gwen. GWEN : Last time, back when Cardiff was a town, it killed twelve people. JACK : So ? GWEN : Why didn't it get to thirteen ? And where does this "faith" bit come into it ? Jack turns to Ianto. JACK : Ianto, we need answers. IANTO : I'm on it. Ianto turns to leave. JACK : Owen, I want you back at the hub... you're not safe. Owen is leaning, looking at Martha. OWEN : Jack, I'm free of it, I promise you, and I'm useful, I'm useful here. When it came though me, I felt it. I know what it is, I know what it wants, it's duroc. JACK : And what is that ? OWEN: Hunger. Jack turns and goes to the window. GWEN : Where do we look for it ? Where do we even start to look for it ? Jack moves the curtain aside. Outside and down below, two weevils make their way slowly up the road toward the hospital. OWEN : We won't have to go far. It's here. GWEN : Why would it follow us here ? JACK : I'm not sure it did. Maybe it senses the near-dead. If you were death, wouldn't you target a hospital ? Jack opens the door and hurries out. Gwen follows him. Owen remains behind. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - INTENSIVE CARE - CONTINUOUS MOVING LOW. An old woman sleeps in one of the beds, her heart monitor beeping steadily. We move past the bed, continuing forward. Then we see it : a heavy, black fog moving along the floor, past the bed and into camera view. The heart monitor beeps irratically. The woman in the second bed is awake. She sits up and notices the black fog rolling across the floor toward her bed. Suddenly, the heart monitor flatlines. The heart monitor for the patient in the bed next to that is also flatlining. The woman gasps. A third heart monitor suddenly flatlines. The woman looks around nervously. She reaches over for the call button, misses grabbing it and knocks it down. She turns and sees something that blocks the light as it stands in front of her, a large cloud of black smoke. Hidden inside the smoke is a living skeleton. It rises up tall and towers over her. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Gwen and Jack turn the corner. Jack is on his comm. JACK (briskly, to comm) : This is Captain Jack Harkness, Torchwood. You need to evacuate St Helen's Hospital immediately. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Gwen turns the corner. GWEN (announces) : Ladies and gentlemen, this is Torchwood. If you can move as quickly and as safely as possible to your nearest exit, thank you. The overhead alarm rings. The nurses start moving. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - CHILDREN'S WARD - CONTINUOUS The nurse pushes the doors open. NURSE (shouts) : Can I have a hand in here, please ? The nurse claps her hands briskly. The overhead lights switch on, the children wake up and more nurses enter the room. NURSE : All right, wake up ! Dressing gowns on ! It's not a drill. Can you listen to me carefully, please ? The nurses help the children get up and out of bed. One bed is empty. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS People move quickly past the door. Inside the bathroom and hiding in a stall, Jamie Burton is playing his hand-held video game with his earphones on. He doesn't notice the bustling outside. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - STAIRWAY - CONTINUOUS The evacuation continues. Jack and Gwen hurry up the stairs. JACK : Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill. Please make your way to the assembly point in car park one. They reach the next level. JACK (to comm) : Ianto, I need you to crack into the hospital communication system. INTERCUT WITH : INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - MARTHA'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS Ianto is working on the computer as the doctor checks Martha. IANTO (to comm) : Already done it. They've got multiple code four's in intensive care. JACK (to comm) : Which floor is that ? IANTO (to comm) : Sixth. Jack and Gwen hurry up the stairs. JACK (to Gwen) : What's a Code Four ? GWEN : Heart attack. JACK : We need to do a body count. Let me know if we get to twelve. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS A nurse looks around. Nurse 2 is walking a girl slowly out with her IV stand. NURSE 1 : Have you seen Jamie ? NURSE 2 (looks back) : No. NURSE 1 : I'll catch you up. The nurse looks around. The floor is very quiet now that everyone's left. She turns to leave, when she hears a swirling, squirming movement coming from behind her. She turns to look. nThen, she heads over to Jamie's empty bed to check. NURSE : Jamie ? Jamie, is that you under there ? The nurse kneels to check under the bed. The black cloud of death rises up behind her. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - INTENSIVE CARE - CONTINUOUS In the foreground is a dead woman, barely skin over bones. In the b.g., Jack and Gwen are looking around. He counts the number of dead bodies in the room. JACK (to comm) : Owen, Tosh, we're on the sixth floor. There's fatalities. Seven of them. INTERCUT WITH : INT. ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS Owen and Toshiko are in the elevator. Owen points to the map on the wall. GWEN (from comm) : I'm hearing of a fatality during a routine operation. JACK : Let's count that as eight. That leaves five to go. (Realizes something). Oh. GWEN : What ? JACK : There's five of us. INTERCUT WITH : OWEN & TOSHIKO exit the elevator. OWEN : Jack, it was last seen on the sixth, did it go up or down from there ? Toshiko tries the door. JACK : Most of the upper floors are evacuated, so if it's still hungry, I would guess that it's going to... OWEN : We're on the eighth. We'll make our way down. Owen heads off; Toshiko hurries to follow him. TOSHIKO : Jack, we still have no idea what to do if we find it. JACK : Ianto ? INTERCUT WITH : INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - MARTHA'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS IANTO (to comm) : I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds", but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers. The ambulance man in green hurries in and gets the doctor. They both leave. Ianto and Martha remain in the room. GWEN : It was a medical journal, History of Medicine. Try under Tavistock or Wellcome. (Welkin?) Jack and Gwen head out. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - SEVENTH FLOOR - CONTINUOUS Owen and Toshiko turn the corner and hurry through the hallway. TOSHIKO : We're on the seventh floor. The overhead lights shut off. They stop walking. OWEN : It's here, I can feel it. TOSHIKO : Owen, you're scaring me. OWEN: I'm not exactly reassuring myself. Come on. Owen heads forward. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS Jamie Burton steps out into the dark hallway and finds it empty. No one's there. He turns and heads back to his room. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - CHILDREN'S WARD - CONTINUOUS He pushes the doors open and enters. He walks across the room toward his bed at the end. On his way there, the individual curtains are closed. Jamie continues to head for his bed. He gasps, scared and he looks around. He reaches his bed and pulls the curtain open. It's empty. He sighs with relief. He turns and drops his video game. The sound of the plastic hitting the floor is very loud. He gasps and goes to get it. He pushes the curtain aside and finds a dead body hidden under the bed. He quickly backs out and gets up. Death is behind the curtain which is darker than the others. We hear the sounds of clicking as Death unfurls. Jamie turns and runs out of the room... and through the hallway... and around the corner. Sounds of a man wailing is heard. Jamie glances behind him, but keeps on running. He heads for the double doors in front of him. He runs. He reaches the doors and finds them locked. He slams his hands on the door. There's no where else to run. Jamie turns around. DEATH (whispering) : Melenkurion abatha... He reaches another door and finds it locked. He slams his palms against the door. DEATH (whispering) : ... duroc minas mill khabaal. Black smoke reaches the corner and spills out into the hallway. The smoke gathers and rises. Trapped, Jamie slumps to the floor, his back to the door. Death, nearly in a visible skeleton form, heads toward Jamie. It gets closer and closer. Suddenly, the door next to Jamie opens and Owen steps out between Jamie and Death. Owen motions to Jamie. OWEN : Take my hand. Jamie doesn't move. Death is nearly upon Owen. OWEN (shouts) : Come on ! Jamie gets up and grabs Owen's hand. Owen pulls him out of the hallway. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - HALLWAY (FIFTH FLOOR) - CONTINUOUS The door opens. Owen and Jamie burst out. Toshiko is right behind them. They run. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - SECOND FLOOR - CONTINUOUS Jack and Gwen are walking. GWEN : I'm getting reports of twelve people dead. JACK : So ? They exit through the doors. GWEN : The legend says, when Death took thirteen souls, its power would be unstoppable. It'd roam the earth forever, Jack. It only needs to kill once more. JACK : That's twelve... we're running out of time. INT. ST. HELEN'S HOSPITAL - FIRST FLOOR - CONTINUOUS Owen, Jamie and Toshiko are hurrying down the stairs through the lobby. OWEN : I think we lost it. Owen reaches the glass doors and finds them locked. OWEN : Maybe not. Toshiko uses her hand-held monitor and works on the doors. TOSHIKO : If I can access the correct frequency... OWEN : What's your name ? JAMIE : Jamie Burton. OWEN: Right, Jamie. I'm Owen, this is Toshiko, we're going to get you out of here, mate. (As Toshiko works, Owen looks around). What are you in for ? JAMIE: Leukemia. OWEN : Right. TOSHIKO : Jamie, you're going to be fine. I'll have this door open in a second. OWEN : Jamie, they, uh, got you in for a round of chemo, have they ? JAMIE : Had that. It didn't work. OWEN : So why are you here ? JAMIE : They're trying to make me have it again. It didn't work, though. The cancer just comes back. It just makes my hair fall out. I'm gonna die. I might as well do it with eyebrows. INTERCUT WITH: JACK (from comm) : Ianto, what have we got ? Ianto reads the information off the website. IANTO (to comm) : Back in 1479, the priest discovered that Death needed thirteen souls to walk the earth for eternity. Jack is continuing down the steps. JACK : He stopped Death at twelve... IANTO : It was Faith. JACK (from comm) : I know ! IANTO: No, the little girl who was brought back to life. Her name was Faith. She stopped it. JACK : Well, how ? IANTO : It doesn't say. OWEN (mutters, realizes) : Faith didn't have anything to lose. She was already dead. Owen takes Jamie and pulls him aside. They sit at the tables. OWEN : Jamie. Jamie, you're scared, of course, you are. The last lot of chemo didn't work and you can't bear the thought of going through all that pain again, and I understand that, mate, I really do. But let me tell you that not everyone dies of this disease, and the ones with the best chance of making it are the ones who believe that they can beat death. And sometimes, just sometimes, you can. So watch and learn, Jamie Burton. JAMIE : Watch what ? OWEN : Watch me beat death. Toshiko's monitor beeps. The doors open. TOSHIKO : Come on ! OWEN : Okay, go ! Owen and Jamie get up and run for the doors. OWEN : Come on, Jamie. (To Toshiko) Take him. Okay. Owen turns and heads back inside. TOSHIKO : Owen, I am not leaving you to face that thing on your own. OWEN : I know what to do. TOSHIKO : You don't know what we're dealing with. Owen grabs Toshiko and kisses her. He reaches down and... He steps back. The hand-held monitor chirps. OWEN : You're so gonna hate me for this. The doors close between them. On the other side of the doors, Owen lifts up Toshiko's monitor and shows it to her. TOSHIKO : Owen ! (Pounds on the doors). Owen, no ! Open the door ! Owen works on the monitor. TOSHIKO : What the hell are you doing ?! Owen, Owen ! Suddenly, they hear it. They turn around and they see Death's smokey figure walking down the steps. Owen turns around. OWEN : How long ?! He drops the monitor on the floor. OWEN : How long can you last here with only twelve victims ? (Shouts). There's nothing here for you ! Owen starts toward Death. OWEN : Owen Harper's soul has left the building ! Toshiko and Jamie watch helplessly on the other side of the glass door. OWEN : There's nobody here but us dead men. Owen stops at the base of the stairs and waits. TOSHIKO (screams) : No ! (Pounds on the glass). Owen ! JAMIE (pounds on the glass) : Owen ! TOSHIKO : Owen ! Death reaches its bony hand toward Owen. He grabs its wrist and holds on tight. OWEN : What else have you got ? Death reaches for Owen. The two struggle. Toshiko moves to the next glass door and pounds. TOSHIKO : Owen ! OWEN : What else can you do to the dead ?! Owen and Death struggle. TOSHIKO (to comm) : Jack ! Jack ! Up on the level above, Jack reaches the glass doors. TOSHIKO (o.s.) : Jack ! He pounds on the glass. JACK : Owen ! Down below, he sees Owen struggling with Death. JACK : Owen ! GWEN : Owen ! Jack and Gwen leave to find another way down there. Owen hangs on to Death and doesn't let go. OWEN (taunts) : Is that all you've got ?! See this ? TOSHIKO (sobbing) : Owen ! Death struggles to get away from Owen, but Owen keeps a firm hold on him. OWEN : Agh ! Death starts to dissipate, its bones emulsified in bright light and white smoke, the black smog around it vanishing. Jack and Gwen run in through the back. Jack stops Gwen from getting any closer. JACK : No, no, no. And Death vanishes. Toshiko watches. Gwen clutches Jack's arm as they wait. Owen sits up on his knees. Jack and Gwen walk up to him from behind. Jack puts a hand on his shoulder. The computer beeps and the glass doors open. Toshiko walks in. She stops in front of Owen. INTERCUT WITH : Ianto is in Martha's room. IANTO (from comm) : Jack ? There's no answer. IANTO (to comm) : Jack ? (Pause). Gwen ? (Pause). Anyone ? Martha suddenly grabs Ianto's shoulder and surges up with a loud gasp. Martha's young again. IANTO (startled) : Agh ! Ianto laughs nervously. Martha gives him a weak smile.) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CARDIFF CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT Cardiff city at night. INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - NIGHT Owen and Martha sit side-by-side on the autopsy table. OWEN : So tell me, Doctor, is it worth starting War and Peace ? She gives a mirthless chuckles. OWEN : I'm sorry that you got hurt. That... I got you hurt. MARTHA : It's not me that I'm worried about. You soaked up a colossal amount of energy, but... (She turns to look at the monitor)... it's dissipating now. OWEN : It doesn't sound good. MARTHA : I don't know anything about its properties. None of us do. It could take thirty years for it to die out completely. OWEN : Or thirty minutes. Jack walks past the entryway. OWEN : Jack ? Jack stops. Owen stands up. OWEN : People died because you brought me back. We owe them, you and me. I'm still a doctor. Let's put me to work. See if we can't even that score. JACK : We'll see. Owen nods. INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - CONTINUOUS Jack walks up to Toshiko. TOSHIKO : Did he really beat death ? JACK : Oh, you can never really beat death, never escape it... it's always in the shadows, waiting. TOSHIKO : So what do we do now ? Before he can answer her, a movement catches their eyes and they're both startled silent. They turn. It's Owen. HOLD on Owen.

Deep in shock, the Torchwood team face their darkest hour. Attempting to put things right, Captain Jack unleashes a primal force that uses Torchwood as a conduit to wreak havoc across Earth.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_04x11

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_04x11_0

Credit & Thanks to ~ Vibrant Fields ~ Views of natural beauty, a stream, animals. Bailey Voice Over: In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. At least, that's what they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the fields and he looked at his creation and he saw that it was good. And then God created man. And it's been downhill ever since. (See Sloan and Derek walking along a country path) Sloan: The woman loves me. Derek: Erica Hahn? Sloan: I'm telling you. We went out last night, had a couple drinks. Derek: You and Erica? Sloan: Just me and Hahn. (pause) And Callie. All right, so it wasn't a date. (pause) You're gonna tell me where we're going? Derek: Why does it always have to be about the destination? Why can't it be about the journey? Sloan: 'Cause I'm wearing $300 shoes. Derek: Meredith told me she doesn't want me seeing other people. Sloan: She found out about you and Rose? Derek: No. There's nothing to find out. It was just a kiss. Sloan: Yeah, but you're not the kind of guy who makes out with nurses in scrub rooMs. Not that there's anything wrong with that. ( they come out into a clearing) Derek: What do you think? Sloan: It was more than just a kiss. Derek: The view. ( It is a hilltop with an amazing view overlooking the surrounding valley.) Sloan: Well, what am I looking at? Derek: The view from my new house. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith's kitchen: Derek is smoothing out house blue prints on the table. Meredith is cracking eggs. Bailey Voice Over: The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image, but there's not much proof of that. After all, God made the sun and the moon and the stars, and all man makes is trouble ... Derek: It's a classic Victorian design with an open floor plan. What are you doing? Meredith: I'm making an omelet. Derek: What do you think of the house? Meredith: The house? I think the house is great. Derek: If you don't like, you can tell me. It's your house, too. (Meredith drops an egg on the floor) Meredith: Damn. Derek: So why are you cooking again? Meredith: Lexie was having a bad night, and I thought I would do something semi-sisterly. Derek: Really? Meredith: Really. [SCENE_BREAK] Izzie's bedroom. Izzie is still under the covers. George is at the door. George: Are you getting up? Izzie: No. Maybe. I don't know. (pause) What's that smell? George: Someone's cooking. Izzie: That's not cooking. That ... That's not cooking. George: You're gonna be late. You know that? Izzie: I hate work. George: Since when? Izzie: Since I hate it. I hate Cristina. I hate Hahn. I hate it. [SCENE_BREAK] Another Bedroom. Lexie is walking up. ? is on the floor. Lexie: Oh, what is that smell? ?: That smells like sulfur. Meredith (distant from the kitchen): Breakfast! Lexie: It's breakfast. (she heads for the door, but ? grabs her to stops her) ? Don't go! Don't go. Lexie: I have to go. She made breakfast. I'm going. Now stop. Off. ?: Aah (he gasps as the door is opened) [SCENE_BREAK] Living room. Lexie stops as Alex comes down the stairs Lexie: Where's your girlfriend? Alex: Back with her husband, I'm guessing. And I don't have a girlfriend. Lexie: Or a conscience, apparently. Alex: Yeah, but you knew that going in. (she follows him into the kitchen.) [SCENE_BREAK] Kitchen. Meredith is putting a plate in front of Derek. Lexie and Alex walk in. Derek: I'm not saying we have to build it now, but we have to plan it now. Alex: Dude, what the hell is that? Derek: Meredith cooked. She wanted to do something nice for Lexie. Lexie: You cooked for me? Meredith: It's no big deal. Just ... eggs and avocado and whatever cheese that was in the fridge. Lexie: Oh, I love, um, avocados. (Alex is having juice, watching Lexie try a bite) Meredith: Is it okay? Lexie: (nodding) mm-hmmm. Meredith leaves. Lexie turns to Derek and shakes her head. Derek puts down his fork. [SCENE_BREAK] Bailey's Kitchen. Tucker carries a load of laundry to the table. Bailey carries Tuck to his seat. Bailey: (to Tuck) Okay, honey. (to Tucker) This little man has been fed and changed. There we go. I put the building manager's number on my desk. Do not believe him when he tells you that he can fix the sink. Remind him he is the one that broke it when he tried to fix the pipes. (Bailey stops to look at him. He is ignoring her, folding laundry. She starts to gather up her things for work.) Tucker: Miranda. Bailey: You're talking to me now? Now that I'm my way out the door? Tucker: You're always on your way out the door. Are you interested in being a part of this family or not? Bailey: OK, I can't do this, uh, now. I don't have time. [SCENE_BREAK] Elevator at the hospital. Hahn is in the elevator when Callie enters. Hahn: Dr. Torres. Callie: Dr. Hahn, anyone who can outdrink me and still kick my ass at the dartboard gets to call me Callie. Hahn: Last night was actually fun, wasn't it? And I'm not a group person. Callie: Me neither. Hahn: I think it's because I generally don't like people. Callie: Me neither. (They are all smiles. The door opens and there is Sloan) Sloan: Morning, ladies. (They look at each other and laugh) Hahn: Case in point. (They laugh harder as they exit the elevator, walking past a bewildered Sloan) Sloan (calling after them): What's so funny? [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway stairs. Derek is coming down them to the Nurses station, where Rose is. BVO: And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of the time, he turns to something bigger than himself to love or fate or religion to make sense of it all. (she offers him candy) Rose: Sweet tart? (He takes it from her.) Derek: Do you ever eat anything that even remotely resembles real food? Rose: You'll have to take me to dinner to find out. Derek: I can't do that. That, uh, kiss was ... unexpected. I like kissing you. I enjoyed kissing you, but ... I'm seeing somebody. Rose: Meredith Grey. (in a whisper) Everybody knows about you and Meredith Grey. Derek: I have to see it through. I'm sorry. Rose: Don't be. It was just a kiss. See you in surgery, Dr. Shepherd. (she takes her candy back and walks off.) BVO: But for a surgeon, the only thing that makes any kind of sense is ... [SCENE_BREAK] Chart corner. Christina is searching through charts and pulls out the one she wants. BVO: Medicine. (Christina turns and sees Izzie coming towards her.) Christina: Back off. Elizabeth Archer is my patient. Izzie: Technically, she's Hahn's patient, but whatever. (She walks past Christina and begins pulling charts.) Christina: Um, I'm scrubbing in on a major coronary artery dissection with Hahn, and what, you're not gonna fight me for it? Izzie: I'm not doing the cardio thing anymore. I am over it. Christina: You're over it? Whoa, why? What do you have? Izzie: Nothing. I'm charting. (and she starts to walk off as Hahn approaches) Hahn: Stevens, Elizabeth Archer's chart. Izzie: Yang has it. You two have fun. (and she leaves. Christina approaches her) Christina: She's not a cardiothoracic surgeon, but I could've told you that. I am the rock star. Hahn: (She looks at Christina a moment. Then looks down the hall.) Karev, are you a rock star? Alex: Always. Hahn: You're with me today. Congratulations. Your life just got more interesting. (Hahn turns to go. Christina is dumbfounded and follows her.) Christina; Karev doesn't know anything about Elizabeth Archer. Hahn: You can read, can't you, Dr. Karev? Alex: Uh, yes. Elizabeth Archer, 49, came into the ER yesterday complaining of severe ... Christina: An urgent cardiac cath demonstrated dissection of the proximal two-thirds of the LAD. She was admitted last night for observation. (Hahn is still walking towards the patient's room, smiling at how ludicrous Christina is in her persistance.) Hahn: While I admire your preparation, Dr. Yang, there is one thing about the patient you failed to notice. (she opens the patient door to an empty bed.) She's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] Waiting room. Callie is putting on her lab coat when a delighted Mrs. O'Malley spots her. Mrs. O'Malley: Callie! Callie: (surprised) Mrs. O'Malley, hi. How have you been? Mrs. O'Malley: Well, I've been worried is how I've been. I've called, and I left messages. I know how busy you two are, but you can't pick up the phone once in a while? Never mind. Water under the bridge. I was in the neighborhood, and I hope you don't mind, but I just couldn't wait to show you some of the outfits I've been making. Callie: Outfits? Mrs. O'Malley: Now don't get mad, but Georgie told me you were trying, so ... What do you think? (she pulls out a hand-crochetted onesie) It's yellow. Callie: (Doing her best to keep smiling) I see that. [SCENE_BREAK] computer lab. Bailey is looking at a monitor when Lexie enters. Lexie: Dr. Bailey. Bailey: Whatever it is, I don't have time. (Bailey's phone starts to ring) Lexie: Uh, I think I need some epinephrine? Bailey: Tucker, now's not a good time for ... Lexie: Epinephrine? Bailey: (to Lexie) The cart's around the corner. (To Nurse) Can you give her the ... ( Tucker on the phone) No, I told you, I put it on my desk. (an alarm sounds from the hallway and "code blue" can be heard over the loudspeaker system) Bailey: Uh, I have to call you back. (she hangs up and rushes down the hall into a patient's room with a nurse.) (A female patient is laying her hands gently on a man who's monitors are beeping.) Bailey: You're gonna have to step back from the patient, Ma'am. (the woman, Elizabeth, ignores her) Ma'am? Elizabeth: Just one second. (she continues to move her hand over the man's heart.) (Christina in the hallway notices and walks in) Christina: Ms. Archer? What is she doing here? Bailey: I have no idea. Who is she? Christina:She's Hahn's patient. Ms. Archer, you need to get back to your bed. (The monitor stops beeping and the man looks better.) Elizabeth: There. Bailey: What'd you do to him? He was in V-tach and now ... Elizabeth: I healed him. I'm a healer. (Elizabeth passes out. Christina catches her.) [SCENE_BREAK] Elizabeth's Room. Bailey, Hahn, Christina and Alex are all there. Bailey: You're a faith healer? Elizabeth: I'm a healer, and I have faith, but I'm not sure the two are related. Hahn: Ms. Archer, you collapsed. You could go into cardiac arrest at any moment. So I'm less interested in what you do for a living than I am with getting you ... Bailey: Wait. I wanna know what she did to Mr. Greenwald. He's been in and out of V-tach all day, and now he's stable. Hahn: Maybe because of the Amiodarone he got two hours ago. Elizabeth: Really? Does Amiodarone usually take two hours to kick in? Hahn: Ms. Archer, you have a coronary artery dissection. Dr. Karev and I need to get you into surgery as soon as possible. Elizabeth: I appreciate that Dr. Hahn, but I am not going into surgery until we've exhausted all the other possibilities. Hahn: Ms. Archer, if you don't have the surgery soon, I can guarantee you that the blood supply to your heart will be cut off, and I'll have to open you up anyway. Elizabeth: All I'm asking for is that you give me some time and talk me through the surgery that you'd like to perform so that I may visualize it while I do what I do. And if it doesn't work, then you can slice me open, okay? Dr. Karev can work with you doing whatever it is that you do. I'll check in soon. (quietly to Alex as she leaves) Call me when she codes. [SCENE_BREAK] George is walking down the hall and turns the corner and sees Lexie at the med cart. George: Hey, what are you looking for? Lexie: Epinephrine. I need epinephrine. George: Why? (she turns and he sees her face has a rash) What happened to you? Lexie: I'm an adult child of an alcoholic is what happened to me. I have boundary issues. So when Meredith made me eggs this morning, I couldn't not eat them. I had to pretend I wasn't allergic to eggs. Now I have a rash covering my entire body. George: Give me your arm. Lexie: I'm codependent, my throat is closing up ... oww, and now my arm hurts. Thanks. George: You're welcome. Lexie: And thank you for letting me crash on your couch last night. (Callie walks up behind him holding baby clothes.) Callie (exasperated): You didn't tell your mom we broke up? George: What? Callie: Your mom's making us baby clothes 'cause she thinks we're trying to get pregnant because she thinks we're still married because she thinks that you're still the kind of person who would never cheat on his wife. Hand-stitched unisex baby clothes. They're yellow and green and go up to toddler sizes. And she's waiting for you in the lobby. (she hands him the clothes and walks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Derek catches up with Meredith. Derek: So you never really told me what you thought of the house. Meredith: I have a house. Derek: That's your house. I'm talking about our house. Meredith: Between yesterday and today you had plans drawn up? Derek: I've had the plans for months. Between yesterday and today, I decided to share them with you. Meredith: Why? Derek: So nothing's really changed? Meredith: Everything's the same as it was. It's just ... It's really a lot, and it's fast. Derek: I'm just trying to take a step forward. Meredith: Okay, well, there are about 100 steps between where we are right now and building our dream house. And they'll be fun steps and sexy steps, and we'll try not to fall down them together. Derek: (He kisses her) Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Flight of Stairs. Bailey is walking up, her phone is ringing. She checks it. Webber catches up to her on the stairs. Webber: Dr. Bailey. Bailey: Uh, s ... Chief. Webber: Yeah, rumor has it Dr. Hahn has a patient who's wandering the halls? Bailey: She's back in her bed, sir. Webber: And laying hands on other patients? Bailey: It was just one patient. Webber: And healing them? Bailey: For which there is a perfectly reasonable medical explanation. (her phone starts to ring again.) Webber: Of course there is, but I can't have a hospital full of sick people thinking there's a miracle woman on the cardiac ward. Creates panic and hysteria, and frankly, it's bad for business. Are you gonna answer that? Bailey: No, sir, I'm not. Webber: Are you gonna make sure this woman keeps her hands to herself? Bailey: Yes sir, I am. Webber: Thank you, Dr. Bailey. (He leaves. She answers her phone but the other person had hung up.) [SCENE_BREAK] Nurses station: Hahn and Alex are looking at charts. She looks up and is peeved. Hahn: Dr. Sloan, why are you endangering the life of my patient? (Sloan is wheeling Elizabeth towards her.) Sloan: Because your patient had her hands all over one of my patients. Elizabeth: She had a staph infection. I was trying to heal her. Hahn: Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Sloan. (to Alex) Karev ... Sloan: Have you noticed that even when you're insulting me, you manage to tell me how pretty I am? Hahn: It wasn't meant as a compliment. Sloan: Is this like a gender reversal thing with you, where you're the big man on campus and I'm the hot blond whose ponytail you can't stop pulling? Hahn: Why don't you get that I just don't like you, that I think you are a crass, predatory ape of man who just happens to be a decent surgeon? Sloan (to Elizabeth): You want to heal someone? Heal her. Elizabeth: This is really toxic in here. Could somebody take me back to my room? 'Cause my healing team should be arriving soon. Alex: I'll take you. [SCENE_BREAK] Waiting Room. Izzie comes down the stairs and sees Mrs. O'Malley. Izzie: Mrs. O'Malley! Mrs. O'Malley: There she is. Come here. Izzie: What are you doing here? Does George know you're here? Mrs. O'Malley: Callie said she'd find him for me. How are you, dear? You okay? Izzie: You talked to Callie? Mrs. O'Malley: Poor thing. It's gotta be hard for her, you know? I mean, you try and you try, but we're all human. Nobody's perfect. And in the end, it's nobody's fault. Izzie: I'm so happy to hear you say that. I have just felt so terrible about it. Mrs. O'Malley: I know. Me, too. Izzie: You know, we just ... We didn't mean for it to happen. I know how that sounds, but it's true. We were ... We were drunk, and it only happened the one time. I know that doesn't make it right. But you have to believe me, it was never my intention to break up George's marriage. I didn't know I was in love with him. George was so distraught about it. I think that's why he failed the intern test. Mrs. O'Malley: What? He failed? Izzie: He didn't tell you that part? Mrs. O'Malley: (she is becoming upset.)He didn't tell me any part. Izzie: But you said you talked to Callie. Mrs. O'Malley: About baby clothes. I thought she was having trouble getting pregnant. I made baby clothes. Izzie (mortified): Oh, Oh, no. George: Mom. (she turns and just stares at him.) What? Izzie: (backing away) I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Bailey's phone is ringing again and she is in a hurry. Bailey: Hey, I know I said I'd call you right back ... Tucker, wait, I can't do this right now. I'm being paged to the ER. What do you mean, you're the one paging me? I told you never to page me at the hospital unless ... (She has entered the ER and sees Tucker on the phone next to a crying baby on a gurney. She is stunned as he puts down his phone.) Tucker: There was an accident. [SCENE_BREAK] ER. Tuck is crying surrounded by doctors. Derek: All four limbs are moving. Pupils are responsive and dilating. There's no neurological damage. (He moves out of the way.) Webber: Let's get him on a monitor and where's the X-ray for the trauma series? Order a left forearm with the X-rays. Callie: There's bruising and swelling here. Bailey: Mama's right here, little man. I'm right here. Webber: (to Tucker) He was under a bookshelf? Tucker: The whole thing must have fallen over on top of him. And all those medical books ... He probably tried to climb up and pulled it over. I heard him screaming and I found him. Bailey: Tucker, I'm trying to hear. Stop talking. Webber: Miranda, let me do that. Bailey: No, I got it. I got it. Webber: Miranda. Bailey: What? (Webber pulls her away from Tuck) (She turns and addresses Tucker) Bailey: This is why we put the baby gate in the living room. Tucker (very upset): The gate was open. Bailey: You left the gate open? Tucker: No, I didn't. Bailey: What? Are you trying to say I left the gate open? Webber: Accidents happen. Bailey: Not if you take the time to bolt the bookshelves to the wall. Tucker: I can't baby-proof every inch of that apartment and watch him at the same time. Bailey: You weren't watching him, otherwise we wouldn't be here right now. Webber: He's got decreased breath sounds on the left side, and his abdomen's rigid. Tucker: What does all this mean? Webber: There may be some internal injuries. Tucker: What kind of injuries? Bailey: We don't have time for questions. He needs a full trauma workup. Clear a CT and get me an ultrasound machine. [SCENE_BREAK] Waiting Room Mrs. O'Malley: This is not okay, Georgie. This is not okay. George: Ah, you're right. Mrs. O'Malley: You're planning to what? You're planning to marry Izzie now? You're planning an annulment? George: This is not about Izzie. Mrs. O'Malley: What the hell is it about? Because this isn't okay. This isn't okay with me. I raised you better than this. George: It's about the fact that I never should've gotten married in the first place. Mrs. O'Malley: (she's in tears) But you did. You got married. You didn't invite me. You didn't let me plan a wedding, and I accepted that. I accepted it because you were happy, and that's all that mattered, but this ... I won't accept this. I don't accept this. George: Mom. Mrs. O'Malley: We're catholic. We don't believe in divorce. And we certainly don't believe in adultery. George: I'm sorry. Mrs. O'Malley: Well, don't be sorry to me. Be sorry to father Mike. You call him, he'll hear your confession and he'll get you and Callie into counseling. George: It's too late for that. Mrs. O'Malley: It is not too late. You made a vow to Callie and a vow to God. You just don't walk away from that. This is your soul we're talking about. George: I have to go. (He walks past her to the ER) Mrs. O'Malley: No, you will not. You won't walk away from me, George O'Malley. George: (He turns briefly) It's Dr. Bailey. I have to go. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Everyone is standing outside Tuck's room. George rushes in. George: What happened? Izzie: He got crushed under a bookshelf. Christina: Multiple rib fractures. Alex: Might've dropped a lung. Meredith: They're worried there may be damage to the heart. Webber: Yang and Stevens, get him to radiology for a head, chest and abdominal CT. O'Malley, tell the lab to move fast. Karev, clear out. We'll keep you posted. (to Meredith) I want you to stay with Dr. Bailey. She's pretty worked up, I want to make sure that doesn't get in the way of the baby's care. Bailey: (as she walks away down the hall) I don't need a babysitter. Webber: (without looing at her) I know you don't. (to Meredith) You stay with her. [SCENE_BREAK] Elizabeth's room. 2 friends are with her. Mai is standing by her bed, has her eyes closed, and is performing healing on Elizabeth. Alex walks in. Alex: I'm sorry about that. Uh, there was an emergency. Dr. Karev, this is Don and Mai. Alex: Nice to meet you. Mai: (She doesn't look up at him)He's a skeptic. He shouldn't be here. Elizabeth: Is Dr. Hahn coming? Alex: Dr. Hahn's been called into an emergency surgery so she asked me to talk you through the procedure. Elizabeth: Is she gonna be long? Alex: I'm hoping she's done before your heart blows, but I can't make any promises. Mai: I told you he shouldn't be here. Elizabeth: I need someone who knows what they're doing to talk me through the surgery. Alex: This ... This, it's crap.You're stalling. You're scared. Elizabeth: Of course I'm scared. Surgery is ... It's barbaric. You tear flesh and spill blood. I work with light. I work with energy. I visualize healing. If there's even the slightest chance that what I do works, isn't that preferable? Alex: I don't believe in what you do. Elizabeth: Well, I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to help me to do it. [SCENE_BREAK] CT Computer Room. Christina, Meredith, Izzie. Meredith: Can you imagine how horrible this is for her? Christina: This is why people should not have kids. Izzie: What's the matter with you? That's Bailey's baby in there. Christina: No, see, no. It's a trauma case. If we are gonna be at all effective in saving that kid's life, it can't be Bailey's baby. He's a blunt trauma case. Izzie: You and Hahn are exactly alike. The two of you deserve each other. Christina: Thank you. Meredith: I thought you loved cardio. Christina: Oh, no, no. She's pretending not to anymore. Can't take the pressure, huh, Iz? Izzie: You're right, Cristina. In the contest to see who can be the best robot, you win. (Christina does some robot moves and sounds. Izzie turns and looks down on the CT scanning) [SCENE_BREAK] CT Room. Bailey is moving the machinery. Tucker is standing by. Bailey: Tell me again how this happened. Tucker: You didn't understand the first time? Bailey: Just tell me again. Tucker: Somebody left the baby gate open. Bailey: Somebody. And you ... You're saying you think I did this? Tucker: I'm saying that you were in such a hurry to get out the house this morning, that you were in such a hurry to get to work and ... And get away from me ... Bailey: This doesn't have anything to do ... Tucker: (He raises his voice) Why do you think he even went into that room? You the only one ever goes in there. He went looking for his mama. He went looking for his mama and wound up in the hospital. (They look at each other. ) Bailey: Guess you made a bad choice, huh, Tucker? You picked a bad wife, she made a bad mother, she made you stay home, raise your son, and then she almost killed him. Poor you, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Nursing Station. Derek is charting. Rose sees him and approaches him. Rose: I heard about Dr. Bailey's son. How bad is it? Derek: (without looking up )We're still waiting on his studies. Rose: Derek? Remember before when I was unbelievably cool and let you off the hook for making out with me? (George starts to come around the corner, but on hearing this ducks back out of sight) Well, now I'm angry. Derek: Why? Rose: Because you're not making eye contact with me. We are standing here talking about Bailey's baby, and you won't ..Look at me. Derek: (takes a breath and looks up.) Sorry. Rose: Better. Now it was one kiss, okay? It was a good kiss, maybe even a great one but are we gonna let one maybe-great kiss get in the way of what, up until now, has been a great professional relationship even though you didn't know my name until recently? Derek: No, we are not. Rose: So ... Friends? (she holds out her hand) Derek: (he takes her hand and shakes it.) Friends. Rose: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Diagnosis room. Everyone is standing around looking at the CT scans. Meredith: Bailey wants to know if Tuck's films are ready. (she sees the scan on the light window. Is that ... ? What's that shadow? Where's his heart? Izzie: You can't see it because ... George: His stomach's in his chest. Christina: There's visceral herniation, a positive collar sign. Bailey: (from the doorway) Which indicates a diaphragmatic hernia. It's a ruptured diaphragm, (she walks to the films and starts pointing out issues) which ... is the least of his problems, 'cause the force of the trauma injured his thoracic aorta. You see this, in the chest cavity next to the stomach? That's colon. And around the colon is fluid, which could mean the colon is ruptured and there's fecal matter floating around that could infect the aortic repair, and that ... Complication can be fatal. (Everyone is silent.) Bailey: What are y'all standing around for? Page Hahn and the chief. Book an OR. (they leave. She is left alone.) [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway outside the OR. Meredith and Bailey are in scrubs. Meredith: Okay, they repaired the hole in the diaphragm, and Dr. Hahn is just about to inspect the mediastinum. Bailey: Okay, is she gonna repair with sutures or prosthetic graft? Meredith: Don't know. Bailey (distressed): Don't know? Meredith: She didn't say. Bailey moves past her to enter the OR. Meredith tries to stop her. Hahn looks up as Bailey enters Hahn: Dr. Bailey? Are you kidding? Bailey: I need to be with my son. Webber: Miranda.. Bailey: I have no intention of getting in the way. Just ... I can't stand out there. I can't. I need to be with my son. Hahn: And what we need, Dr. Bailey, is to not have our patient's mother watching us perform his surgery. Dr. Grey, please escort Dr. Bailey back outside. Bailey: No. There will be no escorting of Dr. Bailey anywhere, Dr. Grey. (To Hahn) You can proceed. Hahn (stone cold): I will not proceed until you leave this OR. Now do you want me to stand here talking to you, or do you want me to try and save your baby's life? (pause) Webber: Miranda! Bailey: I just want to hold my son's hand. I just want to hold his hand. Please. Christina: I'll hold his hand. (to Hahn) Dr. Grey can hold this retractor, right? (Hahn looks at Lexie next to her) Hahn: Yes. Christina: (walking to Bailey) I'll hold Tuck's hand, Dr. Bailey, if it's ... If it's okay with you. I'll hold his hand. (pause as she is torn) Bailey: Okay, go, go. (she leaves and everyone returns to surgery) Webber: Everybody, let's get back to work. [SCENE_BREAK] Waiting room. Mrs. O'Malley is sitting. Callie comes up behind her. Callie: Mrs. O'Malley. What are you ... Mrs. O'Malley: I couldn't leave. When harold was here, when he was sick, Dr. Bailey took such a good care of him. I couldn't leave knowing her son was in trouble. Knowing both our sons are in trouble. Callie: (sighs and sits down) Mrs. O'Malley, I just ... Mrs. O'Malley: I know you think I'm old-fashioned, and maybe I am. But it doesn't matter what I think. In God's eyes, marriage is forever. Callie: Well, if it's any consolation, George and I got married on the Vegas Strip at a 24-hour church of Elvis. I'm not sure God was even there. Mrs. O'Malley: He's everywhere. Callie: I used to believe in God ... and mariage ... And heaven and hell. Mrs. O'Malley: But you don't anymore? Callie: I believe in love ... and second chances ... And that even though George wasn't the one for me, it was okay that I believed that he was because ... (near tears) Well, for a little while, at least ... I got to be an O'Malley. (Mrs. O'Malley takes her hand) And I really loved being an O'Malley. [SCENE_BREAK] Elizabeths Room. Mai is standing with her eyes closed. In the background. Alex comes to the doorway and stops silently. Mai: (resigned) He's back. Alex: I'm sorry to interrupt, but your ... most recent echo shows the dissection is extending. You need to let me prep you for surgery. Elizabeth: Oh. No, not yet. We haven't finished our work. Alex: You're gonna die. Elizabeth: Do you know how Mai knew you were back, even with her eyes closed? Alex: She heard me? Elizabeth: She felt you. It's like a pull, like a darkness. Alex: Right, right. I'm the angel of death. Got it. Elizabeth: No. You're not the angel of death, Dr. Karev. You're actually a very sweet boy. He's got a beautiful heart, wouldn't you say, Mai? I would, but his gut and his throat ... Elizabeth: They're blocked. Second chakra's worse. Alex: Seriously? You're talking about chakra? Elizabeth: We're talking about how you've got a darkness at your throat chakra, where your voice should be because whatever happened to you was so ... So ugly and went on for so long that ... you don't talk about it. You were hurt so badly that sometimes you want to hurt other people just to ... Just to spread it around. You were a good boy, Dr. Karev. A good, sweet boy, but you're not a very good man. What happened to you? Alex: (He's not sure how to take this, but continues on) Your artery is shredding. You need surgery. I'm not a very good man, but I do tell the truth. And the truth is, if you don't get this surgery fast, you're gonna die. [SCENE_BREAK] Bailey's Office. Derek sees Bailey through her office door. She is head in her hands whispering to herself. He enters and sits next to her. Bailey (quietly): I left it on the desk, I went through the office door, and I closed the gate. I walked from the bedroom to the office. I wrote a note to the building manager. I left it on the desk. I was in a hurry so I looked at the clock and I walked out of the door. I... The gate... Derek: This isn't helping. Bailey (agitated): It was open. Did I close the gate? Damn it.. Derek: This isn't helping. Bailey: I walked out of the bedroom into the office, and I wrote a note ... Derek: This isn't helping. Stop this. Bailey: (in tears) I can't remember. I can't remember if I closed that gate. That's my baby. I can't remember if I closed it. Derek: It doesn't matter. Bailey: It does matter! It matters because I'm his mother, I can't have done this to him. I can't have hurt him so badly. Derek: You didn't do this. Things just happen. Bailey: (shouting) No, they don't just happen. Things don't just happen. People make decisions. People prioritize. Okay, the world just doesn't happen! Okay, it's not on God. It's on me or it's on Tucker! Derek: Stop it! Stop. Stop. Bailey: It's on me! Derek: No, stop it. Just stop it. (He grabs her and holds her as she cries) Bailey: Oh, Lord. Derek: You're a good mother. Tucker is a good father. You love your baby. People make mistakes. You didn't do this to your son, and neither did your husband. Meredith and George are seen across the hallway through the office window. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. George and Meredith Meredith: (quietly) He wants to build us a house, with kids' bedrooms and french doors, and that scares me to death. George: Why? Just 'cause of the Rose thing? Well, that shouldn't scare you. It was just one kiss. Meredith: One kiss? George: Yeah, I wasn't eavesdropping. It wasn't like they were being secretive about it. It was just something that happened. Now that you guys are back together, it's not happening anymore, so ... Meredith: Derek kissed Rose? George: Yeah, but you knew that. (She looks at him. It dawns on him that she didn't know that as she walks away.) That I'm an ... An idiot. [SCENE_BREAK] OR. surgery on Tuck. Webber: Okay, the stomach's repaired. There's no splenic laceration. Hahn: Now all I have to do is get the chest tube in, and we're done. Christina: (in a whisper) That's good, Tuck. That means you're in better shape than we thought. You're almost outta here. Hahn: Dr. Yang, would you like to do the honors? Lexie: I can trade places with you if you'd like. Christina: Uh, no. I'm okay. I'm okay here. (She continues to stroke Tuck's hand) [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Webber and Hahn talking to Tucker and Bailey. Webber: It was the stomach that ruptured and not the colon. Hahn: Both of which we repaired, so the surgery was a success. (Bailey is relieved) Hahn: However, there is a lot of fluid in the chest cavity, so ... at this point, we have no way of knowing whether he'll be able to breathe on his own anytime soon. Bailey: I know that. You don't think I know that? Webber: Uh, we'll be moving him to the pediatric ICU. We'll be watching him closely. Tucker: Can I see my son now? Webber: Absolutely. (Tucker and Webber leave for the ICU. Bailey hangs back.) Bailey: (to Hahn) You're new here. You don't know me. And if what you did today ends up saving my son's life, I'll thank you for it. But if I never have to look at you again after that, that'll be all right with me. (Hahn is resigned to this news.) [SCENE_BREAK] PEDS ICU. Bailey is sitting next to Tuck's bed. Tucker is standing near by. Tucker: We never baptized him. We kept ... putting it off, thinking we were gonna find time, and now ... Bailey: We will find the time. When this is over and Tuck is fine ... you and I are gonna find time, and we are gonna baptize our baby. (She reaches for his hand, but he pulls away and walks to the head of the crib. He strokes Tuck's head. Bailey looks at him. Then gets up and leaves. ) [SCENE_BREAK] ICU nurses station. Tucker can be seen in the background through the room window. Izzie is at a computer. Alex walks up to her. Alex: How's Tuck? Izzie: He's still not breathing on his own. You know, I wish ... I could help, but I can't think of anything I can do. Cristina always knows what to do. Alex: What's your deal with her? With Yang? Izzie: Nothing. There's no deal. I don't ... I'm crippled with envy. Alex: Of Yang? 'Cause she's better at cardio than you? Izzie: She's not better than me. She just ... she knows what she wants. She has this faith in her skill, in herself, in her future in cardio. It's an unwavering faith. She knows who she is, and I want that. I was chasing cardio because I want what she has. Alex: She's a robot. Izzie: Not the robot part. The faith part. I want that. [SCENE_BREAK] Elizabeth's room. Elizabeth is resting with her eyes closed. Mai and Donna are at the foot of her bed standing silently. Pan out to the hallway to Webber and Bailey. Bailey: There's probably a thousand scientific reasons why Mr. Greenwald's heart rate just suddenly stabilized. Without question. And why Mrs. Mccaffrey's staph infection just suddenly disappeared. Webber: Sloan's patient? She's fine? Bailey: I mean, don't get me wrong, I have faith. I do. But faith isn't medicine. Faith can't heal you. Webber: Well, that may be so. But then again ... It can't hurt. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Derek and Meredith walk past each other. Derek: How's Tuck? Meredith: He's intubated, and we won't know anything for a few hours. Derek: How are you holding up? Meredith: Who's Rose? Derek: (sigh) Rose is a circulating nurse. I kissed her once. I'm sure you know that. That's why you're asking me. Meredith: When? Derek: When? Meredith: When did you kiss her? Derek: Yesterday. Now we can talk... Meredith: So yesterday you were making out with scrub nurses, and today you're building our dream house. Derek: Yesterday we were dating other people. Meredith: That's not the point. Derek: That is the point. I told you I wanted to marry you ... I wanted to build a house and a life with you, and you weren't ready. Meredith: And Rose is? You don't want to build a life with me. You want someone. You want someone who wants the same things that you want. Derek: I knew the minute I showed you those plans you'd find some reason to walk away. Meredith: So what, you called my bluff? Derek: I did because I can't do this anymore. I can't do the fighting, the back and forth. I can't. Are we together or are we not? Meredith: We were together. I was in love with you. You didn't tell me you were married. Derek: Okay, so now we're gonna have that fight again. Meredith: You didn't tell me about your nurse. You want to know why I'm not ready to build a house with you? This is why. Because I can not trust you. Derek: You can't trust anybody. And no matter what I do ... You're always gonna look for reasons not to trust me. I can't do it anymore. I. . can't. Meredith: Well, neither can I. (and she leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] PEDS ICU; Tuck's Crib. Tucker is head down on the crib rail holding Tuck's hand. Mai, and Donna walk in. Bailey comes in with Elizabeth and IV. Elizabeth comes to the crib and looks at Tuck, then at Tucker. Elizabeth: (to Bailey) I need you to hold hands. (She takes Bailey's hand and then Tuckers.) Tucker: (confused as to why they are here.)Why? Elizabeth: Because the energy in here, it's ... It's not healing. So I need you to hold hands and focus all of your love on this child. For a few minutes, I want you ... to try to forgive each other. Can you try to do that? (he takes Bailey's hand) (Elizabeth drops their hands and lays them on Tuck's head. Pan out to the gang outside the room watching. [SCENE_BREAK] Waiting Room. Mrs. O'Malley is knitting a onesie. George sits down next to her. Mrs. O'Malley: It's not for you. It's for little Tuck. Is he better? cWe don't know yet. I know I haven't called you in a while and that there's a lot that I haven't told you, and I know I messed up. But I didn't want to cause you any more pain, and I didn't want to disappoint you. Mrs. O'Malley: You disappointed yourself, Georgie. You should be disappointed in yourself. George: I am. I don't even recognize myself anymore. This isn't the guy that I wanted to be. Mrs. O'Malley: Who do you want to be? George: The guy Bailey named her baby after. I want to be that guy again. Mrs. O'Malley: You won't go to counseling? George: That's just gonna hurt everyone more. Mrs. O'Malley: I miss your dad. George: Me, too. Mrs. O'Malley: Move back home. I'll take care of you. George: Well, I think it's time that I start ... Start taking care of myself. (she nods and gives him a kiss on the cheek.) [SCENE_BREAK] PEDS ICU. Tucker and Bailey at Tuck's Cribside. Bailey looks up from Tuck and sees everyone outside the room. She goes out to them. Bailey: Hey, it doesn't help me to have you all clustered here, watching. It just doesn't help me. I appreciate that you care, that you're concerned, but I don't need to be watched. (Tucker rushes to the door and pounds on it.) Tucker: Miranda, he's choking. Bailey: He's choking ... (she rushes to the bed side, other doctors follow her.) Bailey: Oh, thank God. (She is near tears of joy) Tucker: What are you talking about? Meredith:(helping to hold Tucker) It's good. He's fighting the tube. It means he can breathe on his own. (They pull out his tube and he starts crying.) Pan out to the hallway. The room door closes with Alex and Izzie watching. [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway outside the PEDS ICU. Alex and Izzie Alex: I need your help. (He walks off and she follows confused.) [SCENE_BREAK] Elizabeth's Room. Alex and Izzie enter. Alex: Hahn said you'd have a heart attack this afternoon, and you didn't. Elizabeth: So you think there might be something to this healing thing after all? Alex: No, but I'm gonna help you anyway. Or, uh, she is. Uh, this is Dr. Steven. Elizabeth: Hello. Izzie: Hi. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I'm doing here. Alex: You're gonna talk her through a coronary artery dissection repair. Izzie: She's an expert? Alex: No, no, no. She's a second-year resident like me. But she's been focused on cardiothoracics for a while, and she's seen the procedure done. Elizabeth: Well, I appreciate what you're trying to do but ... Alex: Uh, she's ... She's like a bright yellow, right? Elizabeth: What? Izzie: What? Alex: What I'm saying is she's an optimist. She's the opposite of me. She's exactly the kind of person you want helping you, right? Mai: (knowingly) She brightens you, that's for sure. Alex: Shut up. Izzie: What are we talking about? Alex: Just talk her through the surgery before she croaks. All right? Can you do that? (He hands her the chart) Izzie: You want me to talk you through it? Elizabeth: In as much detail as possible, yes. Izzie: Ah, Okay. Alex: Yang's got nothing on you. (Izzie, all smiles walks closer to Elizabeth and begins drawing on a sheet of paper.) Izzie: There are 4 chambers in your heart, and there are 3 major coronary arteries that supply blood and oxygen ... [SCENE_BREAK] PEDS ICU. George and Lexie watching Tuck from the hallway. BVO: As doctors, we know more about the human body now than at any other point in our history. Lexie: They extubated him. His blood pressure's up, too. George: Good. Did you know that his middle name is George? Lexie: Tuck's? George: After me. Lexie: I thought Dr. Bailey didn't like interns. George: Yeah, she doesn't. Did you find an apartment yet? Because I was thinking of ... I was thinking maybe I'm gonna get one, and ... [SCENE_BREAK] Hallway. Sloan is standing there, when Hahn walks by ready to leave. She stops, turns back and walks up to him. BVO: But the miracle of life itself ... Why people live and die, why they hurt or get hurt ... Is still a mystery. Hahn: Here's the thing ... You're too pretty. Sloan: Oh, come on. Hahn: No, so pretty, in fact, that if we didn't work together, we would probably be ... But the point is we do work together. And ... in order for me to do my job, I need to leave who I am outside the doors of this hospital. So. (Callie walks out of the elevator, also ready to go.) Callie: (to Sloan) Oh hey. (to Hahn) You ready? Hahn: I am. (and they start walking out the door.) Sloan: Where you guys going? You going to Joe's? I'll come meet you. Hahn: (over her shoulder) Good night, Dr. Sloan. BVO: We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of the book ... [SCENE_BREAK] Office. Rose is looking at charts. Derek comes to the doorway. Derek: Do you want to go to dinner with me tonight? Rose: I thought you weren't free. Derek: Turns out I am. And I'd like to go out with you tonight. Do you want to go out with me? Rose: That'd be nice. BVO: Because the thought of our being all alone down here is just too much for us to bear. [SCENE_BREAK] PEDS ICU. Bailey is stroking Tuck's hair. Meredith comes in. Meredith: How's he doing? Bailey: He's gonna be just fine. Where's your husband? Bailey: Uh, he went home to get some sleep ... And to pack his things 'cause he's getting himself a hotel room tonight. I'm sorry. Bailey: For some reason, life just ... seems to make a lot more sense when you're looking at a baby. (Meredith watches her and the baby. The camera pans backward away from the three of them.) BVO: But at the end of the day ... The fact that we ... show up for each other, in spite of our differences, no matter what we believe, is reason enough ... to keep believing. END.

When Bailey's son, Tuck, is at Seattle Grace following a bookshelf falling on him, she starts to feel that she might be a bad mother. Tucker and Bailey separate. The return of George's mother brings Callie and George together once more, and his relationship with Izzie has failed. Izzie and Cristina continue their rivalry, and Izzie later admits to Alex that it is based on jealousy. A healer with "powers" at Seattle Grace makes the doctors question science and faith. Meredith discovers Rose and Derek have kissed, which leads to them breaking up. Lexie suffers an allergic reaction after Meredith makes her breakfast.

fd_Frasier_10x18

fd_Frasier_10x18_0

Skyline: Lights come on in various buildings. ACT I [Scene 1 - A small specialty foods store. Frasier and Niles walk in.] Niles: Oh, uh, get a cart. Frasier: Oh, could you get it, Niles, please? They're so small they make me feel like I'm some sort of fairy tale giant. [Niles gets a cart. It looks like a child's toy.] Niles: Hey, any thoughts about what to serve? Frasier: Well, I thought we might serve a house-cured gravlax with cr me fraiche and a sprig of dill. Niles: Oh, in other words the usual. Frasier: For your information, Niles, people happen to like it. Niles: Yes, people like animated musicals. [NB: I can't let this pass. I love animated musicals. And both Kelsey and David have done voice parts in animated musicals. So there! - Kelly Dean Hansen] Frasier: Oh, honestly. Niles: Frasier, look! Caviar. Frasier: They haven't had any in ages. This is just what we need to make our soiree soign e. [chuckles and examines the caviar] Whoa. Good heavens. It's $100 an ounce. Niles: Well, it must be mis-marked. [to the owner] Excuse me! Is the Beluga really $100 an ounce? Robert: [heavy French accent] Yes. Frasier: Well, isn't that rather a lot to pay? Robert: To you, yes. To the fish who gave up her life so that you could spread her unborn children on a cracker, it's not so much. [N.B. Francois Giroday reprises his role as Robert from [5.17], "The Perfect Guy".] [A man in black, with a leather jacket, approaches them.] Petyr: [heavy Russian accent] You know, the reason for such high prices is the Russian mafia. They control this market. Niles: [stupidly] The Russian mafia controls Robert's Gourmet Goodies? Frasier: [impatient with Niles] He means the caviar market, you ninny. Petyr: I have Beluga for sale. Top quality, fair price. [Petyr gestures for them to follow them. He exits the store. Somewhat surprised, they follow him out to the patio.] Petyr: [handing Frasier a card] The name is Petyr. I recently arrived on my cousin's ship, the Caspian Queen with beautiful Beluga caviar. But because of those gangsters, we cannot sell. So I do it like this. Quietly. How much you want? Frasier: How do we know this isn't some sort of scam? Petyr: It's no scam. [He reaches for a bottle inside his coat, and hands it to Frasier.] Petyr: Look inside. [Frasier looks at the caviar, stunned. Petyr pulls out a cloth napkin.] Petyr: You taste! [Frasier and Niles each take small spoons from the napkin. While Frasier samples the caviar, Niles wipes down his spoon with his trusty handkerchief. Frasier's face expresses that the caviar is divine.] Frasier: You really must try this, Niles. [Niles does so. His facial expression is equally ecstatic. Petyr gives them a questioning look.] Niles: It's like being kissed by a lusty mermaid! [Petyr takes back the spoons. Niles is still licking his as it is taken.] Petyr: So, you are interested, yes? Frasier: Maybe, but how can we be sure that you are not Russian mafia yourself? Petyr: [gravely] Because for six generations my family fished the Caspian. Then ten years ago, the bastards come. They burn my father's boat. [with increasing passion] They steal my mother's salt so she cannot prepare the roe. And if they know I sell Beluga for $40 an ounce! They would cut out my tongue and pluck out my eyes! Niles: Did you say $40 an ounce? [Petyr nods and smiles. Fade out.] [Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment. Daphne is preparing the table. Niles is pacing. Frasier is also waiting.] Niles: Shouldn't our caviar be here by now? Frasier: It'll be here, Niles, I gave Roz explicit instructions. Niles: What if we've been swindled? What if the tins are filled with sand? Frasier: Niles, I am, as you know, an excellent judge of character. And in Petyr, I saw an honest, hard-working fisherman. Daphne: Why didn't you have him deliver it here? Frasier: What? I don't want him knowing where I live! [The doorbell rings. Frasier answers. Roz is wearing sunglasses.] Roz: The Russian bear hunts by night! Frasier: Very funny, Roz, come on. Give me that. [She hands him a small insulated cooler.] All right, let's have a look. [He opens the cooler and grabs a tin. He and Niles look at it and speak with awe and wonder.] Frasier: [whispering in awe] Oh! Niles! [Niles swoons. Frasier beams.] Daphne: It's beautiful. Roz: I don't get what the big deal is about caviar. I had it once. It was nothing special. Frasier: Well, Roz, a lot of things can affect caviar. Where did you have it? Roz: On a mini-bagel at the Tucson Doubletree. [Niles immediately offers Roz the tin.] Niles: Here, try this. Roz: [sampling the caviar] Hmmm. Wow. Frasier: Mm-hmm. Roz: That's good. Frasier: Yes. Roz: That's really good. What's your little party for tonight? Frasier: Invited guests. I'm sorry, Roz. Roz: What? Frasier: [shepherding Roz out the door] Thank you for your help. See you later. [Martin enters as Roz exits.] Martin: Oh, hey, Roz. Frasier: Oh, hi, Dad. Martin: Hey! Hey, everybody. Check this out! I just went to the ATM for $20, as you can see from this receipt, and it gave me $60. I won 40 bucks! Niles: You mean the bank lost $40. Martin: Uh, yeah, that big faceless bank that charges me $12 a month for my checking account lost $40. [He hangs up his coat.] Daphne: You know, you can't keep that. It's bad karma. Martin: Sorry. This is America. A land built on the principle, "Finders Keepers." Daphne: Oh, come on. There's a toll-free service number right here on the receipt. Just call them and tell them what happened. Martin: Why should I? Daphne: Because otherwise, you could end up like my brother Nigel and his baby teeth. [General silence. The three Crane men all roll their eyes and look at each other uncomfortably. After a long pause, Niles takes the inevitable "Daphne family story" bait.] Niles: [deadpan] What happened with your brother Nigel and his baby teeth? Daphne: Well, like any child, the first time he had a tooth fall out he put it under his pillow at bedtime, and sure enough, the next morning he found that Winston Churchill had left him a shiny new coin. Martin: Question. Niles: No, Dad, we're not stopping. Go ahead, Darling. Daphne: Well, instead of being grateful, he got greedy and went off to school, punching people in their mouths and scooping up their teeth. [Martin reacts to this.] Of course, it didn't work and he got kicked out of school, became a thief, and eventually went to prison. [Martin doesn't "get it." He looks at Frasier, who tries to lead Daphne to the story's "moral."] Frasier: Where he... fittingly had all of his teeth knocked out...? Daphne: No, he lost his teeth years earlier in a rock-eating contest. Now that's an interesting story. We were renting a house next to a quarry at the time... Martin: [unwilling to take any more] All right, all right, I'll call the bank! [He rises. Fade out.] [Scene 3 - Frasier's apartment. The soiree is going very well. Frasier is speaking to a couple.] Mr. Michaels: Very kind of you to have us here, Crane. Mrs. Michaels: Yes, it's wonderful. But then you must be used to hosting successful parties. Frasier: [matter-of-factly] Oh, not really. Something's usually on fire by now. Mrs. Michaels: Oh, you're funny. Frasier: No, I'm serious. Mr. Michaels: Now, tell me. How can we get our hands on some of this fantastic caviar? Frasier: Well, I wish I could tell you but it's uh... a private source. Mr. Michaels: Well, perhaps I should mention then that, uh, this is for our yacht party, at which there just might be room enough for another guest. Frasier: Okay, what are we talking here? Mr. Michaels: Well, maybe five, six ounces? Frasier: [sucking up] Let me go see what's in the refrigerator. Mr. Michaels: Thatta boy, Crane! [Frasier exits to the kitchen, where Niles is gathering the tins of caviar. Martin is on the phone, in the background.] Frasier: Niles, what are you doing? Niles: Oh, good news. Emile Sinclair is crazy about the caviar. If we sell him the rest, he distinctly implied he could get our squash lockers moved further from the showers. Isn't that fantastic? Martin: [on the phone, enunciating] Per-son-al. Frasier: Yes, well, it would be, Niles, if the Michaelses weren't equally enamored of it and dangling an invitation to a yacht party. Niles: [gasping] That is a pickle! Martin: [to the phone] Check-ing. Frasier: Niles, why don't we just call Petyr and order some more caviar? That way we can satisfy both Sinclair and the Michaels. Martin: Cus-to-mer Ser-vice! Frasier: You know, Niles, this caviar connection could really open some doors for us, hmm? Martin: [now yelling into the phone] Per-son-al! Niles: What you doing, Dad? Martin: Oh, this stupid bank's automated voice system. It's like a maze! Frasier: All right, give it here. [taking the phone] You just push "O," and you'll get an operator. Little trick I learned. Another menu, hmm. Sometimes it's a star. [He tries it.] All right, maybe "1" will get me back to a main menu. Ah. Here you go. Martin: Got me to the right department? Frasier: No, but if I remember my high school Spanish correctly, you just qualified for a small-business loan. [Martin is frustrated. He takes the phone. Fade out.] [Scene 4 - Bank lobby. Daphne and Martin approach the counter. A male teller greets them.] Teller: Hi, can I help you? Martin: Yes, uh, I was at one of your ATM's yesterday, and it gave me back more than it should have, so I want to... Teller: [interrupting] Okay, for that you're going to need to complete an ATM trouble report [producing one] and then take it to our operations officer at the desk over there. Martin: You mean I have to fill this out before I can give you 40 bucks? Teller: Yes, sir. Martin: But your sign says, "Making banking simpler!" Teller: Yes, sir. Martin: Well, this isn't simpler, it's more complicated. Teller: Yes, sir, it is. Martin: Oh, forget it. [He and Daphne leave the counter and walk to a table.] Martin: I knew this was going to be more trouble than it's worth. Daphne: A little paperwork's a small price to pay for a clear conscience. Martin: Yeah, meanwhile, I'm out 40 bucks. Daphne: It's not your money! [They approach the desk indicated by the teller. A male officer greets them.] Officer: Can I help you? Martin: Yes, uh, I had some trouble with one of your ATM's. Officer: Oh, I can't help you. I need a manager. [He exits to the rear.] Daphne: I'm proud of you. Trust me, when this is over, you'll feel better. Martin: You really think so? Daphne: I'm sure of it. Martin: Ah, maybe you're right. Maybe I will feel better. And if you're right about that karma stuff, I got a good thing coming to me. Daphne: [looking out the window] Uh-oh. How much money did you put in the meter? Martin: Oh, son of a bitch! [The bank manager, a woman, enters.] Manager: Hi, Mr. Crane, I'm Bree, Todd's manager. I wanted to apologize for the trouble you had with our ATM. And make sure that you got your $40. [She offers him the cash.] Martin: What, uh, oh, no, no! You don't need to give anything to me. The machine accidentally gave me $60 instead of $20, so I need to give you $40. Manager: So, you want to put this in your account? [Daphne rolls her eyes.] Martin: No, no! I want you to take it, plus this $40, and put it back wherever it came from. Manager: Well, I'm afraid I've already done the paperwork. Now, you'll need to speak with our branch manager, and he's out of town. Martin: This is ridiculous! Manager: I'm sorry. Although, there is one other possibility. Let me try something. Martin: Thank you. Manager: Don't mention it. [She picks up the phone and dials. Martin glares at Daphne.] Manager: [in the "enunciating" tone previously used by Martin] Per-son-al. [Martin sighs and sinks into a chair. Fade out.] [Scene 5 - Caf Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are seated. Niles is checking "order slips."] Niles: Sandoval, four ounces. Frasier: Right. Niles: Smoot, five ounces. Frasier: Right. Niles: McBean, ten ounces. Frasier: Hmm, ten? Niles: Yes, I know it's a lot, but he promised me the use of his Sonoma estate. Frasier: Yes, well, for ten he should. You know, for eight, the Ashworths gave me the use of their box on the opera's opening night gala. Niles: But that's the same weekend as the black and white ball? When are we going to sleep? [They laugh cheerily.] Frasier: Sleep is for people without social lives. [They continue to chuckle and clink their coffee cups. Roz approaches.] Roz: So, boys, where's my cut? Niles: What are you talking about? Frasier: I promised her a cut, you see, I was so busy at work taking orders I needed her help. Roz: You know what it's really good on? Scrambled eggs. And pizza. And potato skins! Frasier: Yes, Roz, welcome to caviar. Roz: At work, during the show, I'm just sitting there thinking, "Two hours to caviar. One hour to caviar." You don't have any on you do you? [Frasier and Niles exchange glances.] Niles: Uh, no, no, we're expecting some momentarily. Roz: Cool. You think it'd be good on a cheese Danish? I think it would. I'm getting one. [She rises. Petyr approaches the table with a small cooler.] Petyr: Gentlemen. Frasier: Oh, Petyr, hello! Petyr: Yes, hello, but I'm afraid also goodbye. Frasier: Hmm, what? Niles: What-what do you mean, goodbye? Petyr: All these orders I fill for you, it draws too much attention. It's too risky for me. Frasier: What-what are you saying, that there's no more caviar? Petyr: [placing the cooler on the table] This is my last delivery. Frasier: [looking inside frantically] But this isn't nearly enough! Niles: We've made commitments to some very powerful people. If we disappoint them, there's no telling what they might do! Petyr: They will break legs? Cut off thumbs? Niles: Worse! There'll be gossip. Frasier: Petyr, please, just one more delivery! Petyr: [rising] I cannot, the danger is too great. [He exits.] Frasier: Petyr! [gasping] Dear God! We're ruined, Niles. We owe people all over town. Niles: I know. Roz: Is some of that mine? Can I have it now? Frasier: Roz, Roz, I'm terribly sorry. It seems our supplier is going out of business, and every ounce of this is spoken for. Roz: Well, that's too bad. Oh, well, whatever, I was thinking of giving it up, anyway. Too much salt. Frasier: Yes, good girl. All right, Niles, we can't panic. I think I may have a plan. Niles: [sarcastically] I like it. Frasier: We may have to bite the bullet and buy retail. Niles: Petyr's stuff is much better quality. Our friends will notice the difference. Frasier: Not if we cut it with what's left of the good stuff. Niles: Well, how much is there? Frasier: There's... [He notices the cooler is gone, as is Roz] Frasier: Roz!! [They chase after her. Fade out.] END OF ACT I [SCENE_BREAK] ACT II [Scene 6 - Robert's Gourmet Shop. Frasier and Niles enter worriedly.] Niles: This will cost us a fortune. Frasier: Well, what else can we do? [approaching Robert] Excuse me. Do you happen to know where we can get [pausing] five pounds of Beluga caviar? Robert: There's not that much Beluga in all of Seattle. Niles: Thank you. [They move away.] Niles: What are we going to do? Frasier: All right, just give me a chance to think, Niles. Ah... What was the name of the boat... Niles: [enthusiastically interrupting] H.M.S. Bounty! Frasier: [glaring with irritation] This isn't Trivial Pursuit. Let me finish! What was the name of the boat that Petyr said he sailed on? Niles: Caspian Queen. Frasier: Right! Niles, if we can find that boat, perhaps we can get enough caviar to solve our problem. [Roz enters. Upon seeing them, she quickly spins the other way, but they have already seen her.] Frasier: Roz? Roz: [emerging] Hey, what are you guys doing here? Niles: I think the question is, what are you doing here? Roz: You know, shopping, for stuff... [She pretends to look at the merchandise.] Frasier: You're looking for more caviar, aren't you? Roz: Of course I am! You took all mine! Frasier: That was ours! You know, Roz, I think you may have a little problem. Roz: [desperately] You're the one with the problem! Not me. This is all your fault. You made me try it. Now I crave it! I really hate you! Frasier: Now, Roz, you know you don't mean that. Now, come on. Listen. It's just possible that we may be able to get some more from our old supplier. Roz: [excitedly] Is that true? Is he right? I'm sorry I said I hate you. Frasier: Roz, Roz, it's all right. Roz: Are you going to get it today? I love you! [She throws her arms around Frasier. Fade out.] [Scene 7 - Frasier's apartment. Martin is ready to relax in his chair. As he sits, the phone rings. He reluctantly begins to rise, when the doorbell rings. He falls back in his chair. Again the phone rings. He rises and, after indecision, answers the phone.] Martin: Hello? Oh, no I'm sorry. Frasier isn't here. [becoming irritated] Sure you can place an order. [irritated singsong] Let me transfer you to that department. [The doorbell rings again as Martin is speaking. He hangs up and opens the door. It is Daphne, carrying her supplies and the mail.] Martin: Hi, Daph. Daphne: Hello. The postman gave me your mail. Martin: Oh, thanks. Daphne: You ready to get stretched? Martin: Oh, you mean we're working out today? Daphne: [impatiently] We work out every day. [She begins to set up.] Martin: Yeah, I know. [examining mail] Oh, postcard from the bank! Uh, "Dear Mr. Crane, we apologize for the inconvenience. We have evaluated your request [with amazed irritation] and credited your account $80?!" [Scene 8 - Bank lobby. Martin is in line. Daphne quickly enters.] Daphne: There's no spaces. I parked your car in a loading zone. Martin: No, no, no, just pull around front and wait for me. This won't take long. Daphne: You're sure? Martin: Yes. And you better get back to the car before Eddie starts to panic. [Daphne rushes out. Martin approaches the counter. The teller is female.] Teller: [cheerily] Hi! How can I help you make banking simpler? Martin: [agitated] I'll tell you how you can help me. I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen, and you're going to do exactly as I ask. Teller: [apprehensive] I think I should go get a manager. Martin: [angrily] No, no managers! Teller: Oh, but our policy is... Martin: Now this is real simple and I know you can handle it. Now what I want you to do is... [as he speaks, he reaches inside his coat] Guard: Hold it right there, Mister! [He turns and sees the guard pointing a gun at him. He quickly raises his hands.] [Scene 9 - Bank lobby. Time fade. Martin and Daphne are seated at the back desk. Daphne is holding Eddie. A dignified, bearded gentleman speaks to them.] President: Mr. Crane, as the president of the bank, I want to assure you that it is not our policy to draw firearms on customers trying to make a deposit. [Daphne rolls her eyes and tosses her head back.] Martin: [wearily] It wasn't a deposit. President: Now, I'm sure that neither of us wants to turn this into a protracted legal battle, so if you would simply sign this non-disclosure agreement here, here, here, and here... [Martin puts on his eyeglasses.] Our attorneys have authorized me to compensate you for your troubles in the amount of $10,000, which can be credited to your account. [Martin and Daphne are stunned.] Martin: Ten grand?! President: Plus the $40 from our original mistake. [Martin gives Daphne a look, seeking "approval." She obviously grants it.] Martin: [feigning weariness] Oh, what the hell, I just want to get it over with. [He signs the forms.] President: That's wonderful. Now, is there anything else I can do for you? Daphne: [bemused] Could I open an account? [SCENE_BREAK] THEY CALL HIM VLAD THE IMPORTER [Scene 10 - A dark ship's interior. Frasier calls from above and descends a ladder. Two Russians sailors are seated, playing chess.] Frasier: Ahoy? Ahoy? Is anyone there? [He descends into the cabin.] Vladimir: Who is there? Frasier: Oh, hello. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, and this is my brother, Dr. Niles Crane. Uh, we're interested in purchasing some Beluga caviar. Vladimir: This is not a shop. I have nothing for sale. Niles: See, let's go. Frasier: No, no, no, Niles, Niles. This is how the game is played. Maybe he thinks we're Russian mafia. Niles: Oh, yes, people make that mistake about us all the time. Frasier: Petyr gave us this card, and told us that this was his cousin's boat. Are you sure you can't help us? [The second sailor takes the card and speaks to Vladimir in Russian. He responds and they laugh heartily. Frasier and Niles play along and laugh with them.] Vladimir: How much do you need? Frasier: Five pounds. [Vladimir gives instructions to the other sailor in Russian, who goes to fetch the caviar. Frasier takes the empty seat.] Vladimir: $80 an ounce. Frasier: Well, we were paying $40. Vladimir: And now you pay 80. Frasier: [attempting to bargain] 50. Vladimir: 80. Frasier: 60. Vladimir: 80. Niles: I don't think you're doing this right. Frasier: [glaring at Niles] 70, that's my final offer! Vladimir: 80. Frasier: Done! [The other sailor approaches with a huge tub of caviar and places it on the table.] Frasier: I want to taste it first. Vladimir: Go ahead. [Niles has pulled out napkins and tiny spoons, but Frasier simply uses his fingers. With apprehension, he samples the caviar. Niles observes.] Frasier: [relieved and delighted] That's the stuff. Niles: That's enough to take care of everyone and still go out on top. Frasier: Yes, all right, here's your money. Pleasure doing business with you. [A voice on a loudspeaker is suddenly heard outside.] Agent: Stop where you are! U.S. Customs! [The Russians frantically scramble out of the cabin. Frasier and Niles run around in sheer panic.] Frasier: Oh, my God! Niles: Frasier, we have to get rid of it! Frasier: Oh, dear God! Oh, dear God! Oh, dear God! Oh, dear God! Niles: All right, all right, we have to hide it! Frasier: [shouting] No, Niles, you can't hide it! They're U.S. Customs. That's what they do! They find things on ships! Niles: All right. I know one way to get rid of it. [He pulls out his tiny caviar spoon and begins frantically scooping it into his mouth.] Frasier: [incredulous] Can I get you a toast point? Oh, here, for God's sakes. [They both begin to scoop caviar into their mouths with their bare hands. They spill it all over the table in the process. They continue to scoop rapidly as the officer enters the cabin. When they raise their heads, their faces are covered with black fish eggs, as are their hands.] Agent: What the hell's all this? Frasier: [like a deer in the headlights, his mouth still full] It's not ours. We found it. Agent: What, the caviar? Niles: [mouth full] Is that what this is? Agent: Relax, we don't care about that. We're looking for a couple of Russians who've been smuggling DVD's. [They indicate the direction the Russians ran. The officer stares at them for a moment, bemused. He then recovers himself and rushes out in that direction.] Niles: My heart is pounding! Frasier: I was afraid we were going to get arrested. Niles: What have we become? Frasier: I don't know. We got caught up in a nefarious scheme. And for what? A visit to a wine country estate? Niles: A box at the opera? Frasier: Dinner at the governor's mansion? [A pause.] Frasier: How much of this do you think we can salvage? Niles: I don't know, just start scraping. [They begin to scrape the caviar off their faces and hands back into the tub. They also collect what has spilled onto the table. Fade out.] END OF ACT II [SCENE_BREAK] The brothers are placing the caviar in tins to fill their orders. Niles spills some on his sweater and runs into the kitchen. Frasier follows. Eddie leaps onto the table and begins to eat from the large caviar tub. Frasier and Niles re-enter, horrified, and shoo him away. After taking a moment to recover, they continue to fill the tins as before.

While shopping for ingredients for an at-home soirée , Frasier and Niles are outraged by the price of Beluga caviar . Their protests are overheard by a rather shady-looking individual, who claims to them that the Russian Mafia control the market and keep the prices up. He also says he can supply high-quality caviar at more reasonable prices, and after tasting one sample the brothers are more than convinced. The guests at their party are also very impressed, and all sorts of social opportunities start opening up for Frasier and Niles in return for supplying the caviar. Roz helps with the transactions in return for a share, and becomes gradually fixated to the point of addiction . However, their supplier becomes worried that too many orders draw attention, and stops making deliveries. Determined not to lose their social advantages, the Cranes decide to track down The Caspian Queen , the Russian ship which brought the caviar to the USA. Unfortunately, Customs are on the same trail. Meanwhile, Martin has been overpaid by a cash machine , and Daphne insists that he return the extra money to the bank and clear his conscience, but they find the process surprisingly complicated.

fd_Doctor_Who_09x12

fd_Doctor_Who_09x12_0

Ashildr: I do as they tell me and the street is safe. The Doctor: Who are they? Ashildr: I never meant for anyone to get hurt. Clara: Let me be brave. The Doctor: Is it a trap? Is it a torture chamber? If you want any part of killing her and you're not afraid, then you understand nothing at all. ( Ice cracks ) The Doctor (O.C.): Go to the city. The Doctor: Tell them I'm back. Tell them...I know what they did. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nevada, USA. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time I'm having a ball... [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Diner. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( There is a waitress behind the counter in a sky blue uniform; it is Clara. ) Waitress: Hi. What can I get you? The Doctor: I don't have any money. But I play. Waitress: OK. Don't you need to plug that thing in? The Doctor: Yeah. ( Whirring sound ) The Doctor: You're English. Waitress: You're not. The Doctor: How did you get out here? Waitress: Magic. Or... maybe I went to an airport and caught a plane. The Doctor: Ah. Waitress: You? The Doctor: Magic. ( Radio crackles ) Waitress: I believe you. You been travelling? The Doctor: Yeah, from time to time. ( He plays Clara's song ) Waitress: Is it a sad song? The Doctor: Nothing's sad till it's over. Then everything is. Waitress: What's it called? The Doctor: I think that it's called... Clara. Waitress: Tell me about her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Planet Surface. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Wind rustles. The Doctor is walking through the desert and he spots a barn. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Council Chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Bells ring and vibrate ) The General: Lord President? The President: Are all the bells ringing? The whole cloister? The General: What's going on down there? [SCENE_BREAK] ( Bells ring ) Gastron (O.C.): On my way down to the Matrix now, sir. The General (O.C. on communicator): "Keep the perimeter. It's OK to be afraid down there, soldier." Gastron: Sliders are everywhere, sir. Loads of the things. The General (O.C. on communicator): "Language, please. I'm with the President." Gastron: Sorry, sir. The Cloister Wraiths are active. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Council Chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] The General: Do not approach them, don't even enter the cloister, just tell me... [SCENE_BREAK] The General (O.C. on communicator): "are all the bells ringing?" Gastron: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Council Chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] The President: Then we are facing great danger. Gastron: The Cloister Wraiths seem to think so. The President: So, where is he? Where has the Doctor gone? Ohila: Back to the beginning, I should think. The President: The Sisterhood of Karn has no business in this chamber, or on this planet. Ohila: I heard the Doctor had come home. One so loves fireworks! ( The President huffs ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Bells ring in background. The Doctor climbs to a loft. ) Woman: Why are they ringing all the bells? Never heard so many. What's gone wrong this time? All the fuss they're always making. You, up there! You're not supposed to be there! I've just put all that back, it's for the boys, if any of them ever want to come... They'll kill you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The Doctor is eating some soup, when there is a rumbling as a craft approaches. ) Gastron (over loud-hailer): Attention! Will all non-military personnel step away from the Doctor. Gastron: I repeat... all non-military personnel, please, step away from the Doctor. Gastron (over loud-hailer): At least move the children away! Gastron: Doctor, you will lay down any weapons on your person and accompany us to the capital. Gastron (over loud-hailer): Doctor, you will accompany us to the capital. ( The Doctor scrapes a line in the dirt with the heel of his boot. ) Gastron (over loud-hailer): Doctor? Gastron (O.C.): Come back. Gastron: You will come back immediately. Gastron (over loud-hailer): That is an order and this is a military vehicle. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Council Chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] President: What's his plan? Ohila: I think he's finishing his soup. General: Suggestion, sir... [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The Doctor is resting and twiddling his thumbs. ) General (O.C.): We could talk to him. President (O.C.): Words are his weapons. General (O.C.): When did they stop being ours? ( The woman knocks on door, enters and points outside. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The Doctor exits the barn. ) General: Welcome home, sir. As commander of the armed forces of Gallifrey, I bring you the greetings of the High Council... ( The Doctor returns inside. ) President (on communicator): Who the hell does he think he is? General: The man who won the Time War, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The woman knocks on door, enters and urgently signals to the Doctor. ) ( The Doctor exits the barn. Door slams shut. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Council Chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] President: What is he doing? What does he want? Revenge? Ohila: The Doctor does not blame Gallifrey for the horrors of the Time War. President: I should hope not. Ohila: He just blames you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The woman knocks on door, enters and urgently signals to the Doctor. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The Doctor exits the barn and walks up to the President, who is standing on the other side of the scraped line. The President extends his hand. ) The Doctor: Get off my planet. President: We needed to know. You have information about the Hybrid. A danger to all of us. If you'd told us what you knew, you could've walked out of there. The Doctor: Get off my planet. President: You have nothing, Doctor. Nothing! Do you know what I have, out here in the Dry Lands, where there's nobody who matters? (whispers) No witnesses. The Doctor: Me, too. President: Take aim! Aim at the Doctor. Fire on my command. General: Sir? President: Step forward and take aim! What's the matter with you? General: Lord President... he's a war hero. Some of these men served with him. President: These men serve me! All of you! On my command... Fire! ( The men fire their guns. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Diner. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (O.C.): Could I have a lemonade? Waitress: Oh, you like a cliffhanger, don't you? So you went back to your home town... The Doctor: Something like that. Waitress: Glasgow? The Doctor: Er, well, sort of Glasgow. Space Glasgow. Waitress: And there was this gang boss and he wanted to kill you. The Doctor: Wanted to, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] President: You missed! All of you! Every single one of you! How is that possible? What is it? Is the firing squad afraid of the unarmed man? You... explain. Gastron: There was a saying, sir, in the Time War. President: A saying? Gastron: The first thing you will notice about the Doctor of War... is he's unarmed. For many, it's also the last. (to the Doctor) I was at Skull Moon, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Diner. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Waitress: Is this a story or did this really happen? The Doctor: Every story ever told really happened. Stories... are where memories go when they're forgotten. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Barn. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The men start dropping their guns and crossing the line to the Doctor's side. ) President: Not one more of you moves! That is an order! ( The men continue. ) A direct order of your President! You leave me no choice. How many regenerations did we grant you? I've got all night. President (O.C.): Excellent, General. President: You sent for reinforcements. The Doctor: No, he didn't. I did. President: What? I am Rassilon... the redeemer! Rassilon, the resurrected! Gallifrey is mine! General: Lord President... with respect... get off his planet. ( The General drops his gun and joins his men on the Doctor's side of the line. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. City. Viewing platform. ] [SCENE_BREAK] General: Gallifrey is currently positioned at the extreme end of the time continuum, for its own protection. We're at the end of the universe, give or take a star system. The Doctor: I know. I came the long way round. General: The President may not find anywhere to go. The Doctor: He's not the President any more. General: He was a good man once. Isn't this... going a little far? The Doctor: Oh, I've barely started. Tell the High Council they're on the next shuttle. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ohila (O.C.): I thought I'd find you down here. Old times. The Doctor: You're a long way from Karn. Ohila: At the end of everything, one must expect the company of immortals. The Doctor: Do you know what they did to me? A confession dial is a ritual act of purification. It allows a dying Time Lord to face his demons and make his peace, before his mind is uploaded to the Matrix. It was never intended as a torture chamber for the living. Ohila (O.C.): Rassilon grew concerned about the coming of the Hybrid. The Doctor: Afraid! Ohila: You were entrapped and imprisoned at his command. The Doctor: And look at him now. Ohila: Why did you banish him? Was it punishment? Or for your own protection? Or are you just being cruel? Or just being cowardly? The Doctor: Let's see, shall we? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Council Chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: If you wanted to know about the Hybrid, why didn't you just ask me? General: If the Hybrid is a threat to the people of this world, why don't you just tell us? The Doctor: What do you know already? General: The Hybrid is a legendary... The Doctor: No. General: The Hybrid is a creature thought to be crossbred from two warrior races. The Doctor: Which races? General: The Daleks and the Time Lords, it is supposed. The Doctor: Oh, must be well hard, then. General: Unstoppable. According to the stories. The Doctor: If they're just stories, why are you so worried? General: Some Matrix prophecies suggest... The Doctor: No. General: Many prophesies suggest... The Doctor: No. General: All... Matrix prophecies concur that this creature will one day stand in the ruins of Gallifrey. It will unravel the web of time and destroy a billion billion hearts to heal its own. The Doctor: What colour is it? General: I don't know. The Doctor: Prophecies, they never tell you anything useful, do they? Ohila: This is no time to play the fool. The Doctor: It's the end of the universe. It's the only time I've got. And you want me to keep you all safe. General: Can you? The Doctor: I'll need help, obviously. General: Gallifrey is at your command. The Doctor: Oh, not from you lot. No, you'd cramp my style. Look at your hats. I'm going to need the use of an extraction chamber, to talk... to an old friend. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Trap Street ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Raven squawks ) Clara: Let me be brave... ( There is a jolt and time appears to stand still. Clara looks at the stationary raven in front of her. The Doctor appears from a strong white light, extending his hand. ) The Doctor: This way. I can save you. ( Clara looks back at the other Doctor, then follows. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Sector 52, Extraction Chamber Seven ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: Doctor? The Doctor: Yeah. Clara: Where am I? Is this the TARDIS? The Doctor: No. This is a planet. Clara: What planet? The Doctor: Basically, my place. Clara: I was about to die. I should be dead. The Doctor: Forget about that. It doesn't matter. Clara: Hang on, your place? The Doctor: Yeah. Clara: What do you mean, your place? The Doctor: My place. Clara: You don't mean...? The Doctor: Yeah. Clara: Gallifrey... The Doctor: Gallifrey. Clara: OK. Er... Hang on. Wait. What? What? Did I miss something? The Doctor: Well, we're several billion years in the future and the universe is pretty much over, so, yeah, quite a lot. General: Young lady, Miss Oswald... I'm afraid we only have a very few minutes with you. Clara: Who's he? General: According to the Doctor, you can tell us something about the creature known as the Hybrid. Clara: Oh... Oh, that's weird. What's wrong with my ears? The Doctor: Nothing. Clara: Oh, it's weird. Everything sounds wrong. The Doctor: It's a side effect. Clara: I can hear you. I can hear you fine. It's like... I don't know, it's like, erm... It's like something's missing. General: Doctor, we have to tell her. We always tell them. Clara: Tell me what? What's he talking about? Doctor...? Doctor, what's going on? The Doctor: Clara, there's a sound you've been living with every day of your life, but you've learned not to hear. Clara: What sound? What's wrong? Just tell me. Doctor, what sound? The Doctor: Your heartbeat. Your physical processes have been time looped... Frozen between one heartbeat and the next. Even your breathing is just a habit. You don't need it. Clara: If I'm frozen, how can I... How can I be walking about? The Doctor: Because the Time Lords are very clever. It doesn't matter. Clara: Yes, it matters to me! General: Doctor, we have to explain. Clara: Doctor, what is going on? The Doctor: Although you are currently conscious and aware, in fact, you died billions of years ago. Clara: Doctor...? General: We have extracted you at the very end of your time stream to request your help. Once we're finished here, you will be returned to your final moments. Your death is an established historical event and cannot be altered. I'm sorry. Clara: Doctor, will you just talk to me! The Doctor: I'll try not to break your jaw. Clara: My jaw? The Doctor: I wasn't talking to you. General: Doctor, you can't do this. You know you can't. The Doctor: No, General, I don't know that. Everybody, stay exactly where you are! No moving about. On pain of death, no-one take a selfie! General: These people are unarmed. The Doctor: So are you. General: Doctor, I will not let you leave here. That's the sidearm of the President's personal security. There isn't a stun setting. The Doctor: I will not let Clara die. General: She's been dead for half the lifetime of the universe. If you tried to change that, you could fracture time itself. Doctor, Lord President, are you really going to take that risk? Clara: Doctor... Please... I don't want this. Put it down, please. The Doctor: Regeneration? General: Tenth. The Doctor: Good luck. General: You too, sir. The Doctor: I want a neuro block. Human compatible. Quickly! Come on! Come on, quick! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Diner. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Waitress: This Clara person, you must really like her. The Doctor: Why do you say that? Waitress: You killed a man. You don't seem the type. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Citadel Corridors ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: You killed that man! You shot him! He's dead! The Doctor: It was him or you. Clara: I don't care! The Doctor: Yeah? Well, the difference is, when you die, you stay dead. Clara: So does he! The Doctor: We're on Gallifrey. Death is Time Lord for man flu! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Sector 52, Extraction Chamber Seven ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gastron: Med team to sector 52, extraction chamber seven. Regeneration in progress. Are you all right, sir? Oh... Er, sorry... ma'am. Female General: Urgh... Back to normal, am I? The only time I've been a man, that last body. Dear Lord, how do you cope with all that ego? Gastron: Ma'am, where's the Doctor? Ohila: The Cloisters. Where else would he run, except into the greatest danger on Gallifrey. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ohila (O.C.): The hell of the Time Lords. Clara: I thought you said Gallifrey was frozen in another dimension? The Doctor: Well, they must have unfrozen it and come back. Clara: How? The Doctor: I didn't ask. It would make them feel clever. Happy? Clara: No. Tell me what a neural block is. The Doctor: Never mind. This way. Clara: What did you mean, human compatible? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Diner. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Waitress: So what was it, the thing you took? The Doctor: There was only one way to keep Clara safe. I had to wipe some of her memory. Waitress: Of what? The Doctor: Of me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Eerie noises ) The Doctor: The Cloister Wraiths. Sliders, we used to call them. They guard the Matrix. We're safe in here. Clara: Why? The Doctor: They only attack if you make any attempt to leave. Clara: How long are we planning to stay? The Doctor: Or, actually, if you try to stay. Clara: You realise how well that conversation went, right? The Doctor: You're starting to look, er, a bit... ( Eerie howling ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Sector 52, Extraction Chamber Seven ] [SCENE_BREAK] General: We need to block every exit from the Cloisters. Every available man. I need that place surrounded. Gastron: No-one's ever made it back out of the Cloisters. Ohila: Not quite no-one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: This way, I'm fairly sure. According to the stories, there's a secret way out. If you find it, the Sliders let you go. Dalek: Ex...term...in...ate! The Doctor: It's OK. It's OK, look at it. Dalek: Exterminate... me! Clara: Is it trapped? The Doctor: Don't worry, it's been neutralised. Those aren't vines. In your terms, they're fibre-optic cables, they're alive and growing. We're inside the biggest database in history. Sometimes, people are stupid enough to break in. Clara: And? The Doctor: It's a database. They get filed. Dalek: Ex...term...in...ate... me! The Doctor: Probably a leftover from the Cloister Wars. There's nothing we can do. Come on. Dalek: Exterminate... me! Exterminate... me! Dalek:(In the distance): Ex... term... in... ate... me! ( It growls. A Cyberman grabs Clara's arm. ) The Doctor: Keep away from them! The Matrix can use them as a defence. It means the secret exit must be close. Clara: What's to defend in a crypt? The Doctor: It's not just a crypt. More like a stone circuit board. This is the Matrix database. Clara: Database? What do you mean, database? The Doctor: Oh... Clara: Oh? The Doctor: Oh... Clara: Oh? Oh... The Doctor: Looks like the primary service hatch. Just have to work out the key. Clara: Oh. The Doctor: When Time Lords die, their minds are uploaded to a thing called the Matrix. This structure, it's like a living computer. It can predict the future, generate prophecies out of algorithms, ring the Cloister bells in the event of impending catastrophe. The Sliders - they're just like the guard dogs, the firewall. Projections from inside the Matrix itself, the dead, manning the battlements. Clara: Was I supposed to understand any of that? The Doctor: The Time Lords have got a big computer made of ghosts, in a crypt, guarded by more ghosts. Clara: Didn't hurt, did it? The Doctor: Tiny bit. Clara: Why would a computer need to protect itself from the people who made it? The Doctor: All computers do that in the end. You wait until the Internet starts. Oh, that was a war! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Sector 52, Extraction Chamber Seven ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gastron: They don't seem to be moving. General: And they're by lift shaft seven. Keep monitoring. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: A long time ago, there was a student at the Academy. He got in here, disappeared for four days. Showed up in a completely different part of the city. Said the Sliders talked to him, they showed him the secret passage out. And we just need the code. Clara: What, and the kid told you the secret? The Doctor: Ah, no, he didn't tell anyone anything. He went completely mad, never right in the head again. So they say. Clara: OK, that's encouraging... The Doctor: The last I heard, he stole the moon and the President's wife. Clara: Was she, erm... Was she nice, the President's wife? The Doctor: Ah, well, that was a lie put about by the Shabogans. It was the President's daughter. I didn't steal the moon, I lost it... Clara: I'd know you anywhere. The Doctor: I was a completely different person in those days. Eccentric, a bit mad, rude to people. Clara: Look at me again. The Doctor: Sorry, what? Clara: In the eye. Look at me. Just do it. The Doctor: What? What is it? Clara: How long has it been for you since you last saw me? The Doctor: Oh... Oh, I'm not sure. Clara: How long? The Doctor: I was stuck on a place. They... Clara: They what? Who? Who are we talking about? The Doctor: They wanted something from me. Information. It really doesn't matter. Clara: What happened to your coat? The velvety coat. I liked that one, it was... it was very Doctory. The Doctor: I changed it. Clara: Why? The Doctor: Well, I can't be the Doctor all the time. I think I've almost got it. I think this is it. Clara: Tell me what they did to you. Tell me, what happened to the Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Outside The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] General: We're here. Gastron: It's pretty quiet. Gastron (over communicator): He seems to be talking to her. Like he's telling her a story. You might want to have a look. General: Open up, we're going in. We'll stick to the perimeter, no more than three paces from the lift. Do not enter the Cloisters. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: 20 feet of pure diamond. Harder than diamond. ( Lift door clangs open ) The Doctor: But you break through anything, given time. Clara: How much time? General: Miss Oswald... Clara: Stay back. General: I'm sorry, but we have to find a way to extract you... Clara: (shouts) I said, stay back! (to the Doctor) The Hybrid, what is it? What's so important you would fight so long? The Doctor: It doesn't matter what the Hybrid is. It only matters that I convinced them that I knew. Otherwise, I'd have had nothing left to bargain with. Clara: What were you bargaining for? The Doctor: What do you think? You. I had to find a way to save you. I knew it had to be the Time Lords. They cost you your life on Trap Street, Clara, and I was going to make them bring you back. I just had to hang on in there for a bit. Clara: How long? The Doctor: It was fine. Clara: One question. And you will answer. How long was the Doctor trapped inside the confession dial? Ohila: We think... four-and-a-half-billion years. General: He could have left any time he wanted. He just had to say what he knew. The dial would have released him. Clara: Four-and-a-half-billion years... The Doctor: If she says so. Clara: Why would you even do that? I was dead! I was dead and gone. Why? Why would you even do that to yourself? The Doctor: I had a duty of care. Listen, I'm nearly through here. If I'm right, there should be a service duct under here. We'll be able to get to the old workshops. They'll have TARDISes there. Clara: OK, listen... I have something I need to say. The Doctor: We do not have time. Clara: No, my time. My time is up. Doctor, between one heartbeat and the last is all the time I have. People like me and you, we should say things to one another. And I'm going to say them now... ( We see scenes over the city and music plays. ) Clara: You're monsters. Here you are, hiding away at the end of time. Do you even know why? Because you are hated. You are... hated by everybody. But by nobody more than me. Ohila: What did you say to him? Clara: Oh, nothing I'm going to tell you, or anybody else. Except, maybe this one part. I said... (whispers) "Don't worry, Doctor. They'll all be looking at me!" ( We see an open trapdoor, with light shining upwards from it. ) General: You need to tell us what the Doctor is going to do now. Clara: You really are thick, aren't you? The Doctor is back on Gallifrey. Took him four-and-half-billion years to get here. What do you think he's going to do now? ( TARDIS fires up in the background ) Clara: Why, he's stealing a TARDIS and running away. Bye! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: You were quick. The Doctor: Time machine. I backed up a bit. Ohila (O.C.): Doctor! Doctor, face me! Ohila: Doctor, can you hear me? Get out of that TARDIS and face me, boy! Clara: Boy? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Cloisters ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ohila: You have gone too far. You have broken every code you ever lived by. The Doctor: After all this time, after everything I've done, don't you think the universe owes me this? Ohila: Owes you what? All you're doing is giving her hope. The Doctor: Since when is hope a bad thing? Ohila: Hope is a terrible thing on the scaffold. ( TARDIS whirs ) General: Where can he run? Ohila: Where he always runs. Away. Just away. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What do you think of the new wheels? Clara: Basic. The Doctor: Classic! Look at the colour scheme. Clara: It's all white. The Doctor: Genius! Check your heartbeat again. I think that you'll find you have one. Clara: Yeah? The Doctor: It should have restarted when we broke free of Gallifrey's time zone. You're alive! Now we just have to shake off the Time Lords. There's only one place we can do that. What do you say to lunch, followed by breakfast? Because we're time travellers and that's how we roll. Then cocktails with Moses. Then I'm going to invent a flying submarine. Why? Because no-one ever has and it's annoying. And maybe we should use this TARDIS to find my proper one. I need a clean shirt. Clara: Doctor... I still don't have a pulse. The Doctor: You just haven't found it yet. Try again. Clara: I know how to take my pulse. Look, I know how to do it. See, no pulse, right? Is it still there? Don't lie to me. The Doctor: I think we maybe just have to fly a little bit further, give it a bit more welly. Clara: They said, your lot, that if you saved me, time would fracture. What does that mean? The Doctor: Oh, they're exaggerating. They exaggerate all the time. History will be fine. Time will heal. It always does. Clara: Always? The Doctor: Yeah. It'll sort itself out. It'll be all right. You'll have a heartbeat. Or don't you trust me any more?! Clara: No. Not when you're shouting. Where are we going? The Doctor: Nowhere in space, forward in time. We're going to the last hours of the universe. We're going long past where the Time Lords were hiding. Literally, to the end. They won't be able to track us there. We'll just be there for a minute. I just need to... I need to make an adjustment. Clara: To what? The Doctor: It's nothing, really. It's this... Clara: A neural block. Human compatible. That's what you said. ( TARDIS goes quiet ) The Doctor: We don't have to stay here long. Check your heartbeat again. Your timeline must have started by now. A pulse, yeah? You have a pulse, yes? Pulse? Let me do it. Clara: I am checking it properly! The Doctor: This should work. This has got to work. Clara: What if one last heartbeat is all I've got? What if time isn't healing? What if the universe needs me to die? The Doctor: The universe is over! It doesn't have a say any more! We're standing on the last ember, the last fragment of everything that ever was. As of this moment, I am answerable to no-one! ( Four knocks ) Clara: How can there be anybody there? ( Four knocks ) The Doctor: Four knocks... It's always four knocks. The Doctor: No. This one I do alone. Clara: What's out there? The Doctor: Me. ( Electronic whirring as the door opens. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I told you once... so long ago... that the universe would become a very small place when I'm angry with you. Small enough for you yet? Hello, Me. Ashildr: You don't seem surprised to see me. The Doctor: At the end of everything, we should expect the company of immortals, so I've been told. Ashildr: Even the other immortals are gone. It's just me. The Doctor: The one and only me. Finally, you earn the title, sitting here in a reality bubble at the end of time itself. How are you sustaining it, by the way? Ashildr: Brilliantly. I've been watching the stars die. It was beautiful. The Doctor: No. It was sad. Ashildr: No. It was both. But that's not something you would understand, is it? You don't like endings. She died, Doctor. Clara died billions of years ago. The Doctor: You killed her. Ashildr: No. The Doctor: You let it happen. Ashildr: No, I didn't. Neither did you. She did. She died for who she was and who she loved. She fell where she stood. It was sad. And it was beautiful. And it is over. We have no right to change who she was. The Doctor: Ashildr... Ashildr: Me. The Doctor: Me, go to hell. By my calculations, you've got about five minutes. Ashildr: You know why we run, Doctor? The Doctor: Because it's fun! Ashildr: Because we know summer can't last forever. The Doctor: Of course it can. Of course it can. You just have to steal a time machine. Ashildr: The Hybrid. Five minutes to hell. I think it's time to tell the truth. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: Screen on. Ashildr (on screen): You were barely more than a child. You broke in here and the Wraiths spoke to you about the Hybrid. Why did that story make you so scared? The Doctor (O.C.): I don't know. I don't remember it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ashildr: Sometimes you do. It's always the way with things we'd rather forget. You remember now, though, don't you? Tell me, Doctor, who is...the Hybrid? Who threatens all of time and space? The Doctor: Oh, that's easy. That's very, very easy. The Hybrid... is you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ashildr (O.C.): I'm human, with a little bit of Mire inside me. The Hybrid is supposed to be half Time Lord, half Dalek. The Doctor (O.C.): No, it isn't. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: The actual prophesy specifies only two warrior races. The Daleks and the Time Lords made assumptions, of course. And they would. Humans and the Mire... both warrior races. It fits perfectly. Ashildr: It's an interesting theory. The Doctor: Do you have a better one? Ashildr: By your own reasoning, why couldn't the Hybrid be half Time Lord, half human? Tell me, Doctor, I've always wondered... You're a Time Lord, you're a high-born Gallifreyan. Why is it you spend so much time on Earth? The Doctor: That's your best theory? I'm the Hybrid? I ran away from Gallifrey because I was afraid of myself? That doesn't make any sense. Ashildr: It makes perfect sense, and you know it. Am I right? Is it true? The Doctor: Does it matter? Ashildr: No. Because I have a better theory. The Doctor: Really? Ashildr: What if the Hybrid wasn't one person, but two? The Doctor: Two? Ashildr: A dangerous combination of a passionate and powerful Time Lord and a young woman so very similar to him. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ashildr (O.C.): Companions who are willing to push each other to extremes. The Doctor (on screen): She's my friend. She's just my friend. Ashildr (O.C.): How did you meet her? Clara: Missy...! [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Missy. Ashildr: Missy. The Master. The lover of chaos. Who wants you to love it, too. She's quite the matchmaker. The Doctor: Clara's my friend. Ashildr: I know. And you're willing to risk all of time and space because you miss her. One wonders what the pair of you will get up to next. The Doctor: Nothing. Nothing at all. I know I went too far. I get it. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing. Ashildr: And what would that be? The Doctor: I'm taking her back to Earth. Somewhere safe, somewhere out of the way. I'm going to wipe her memory of every last detail of me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (O.C.): It'll be like our friendship never happened. Ashildr (O.C.): That may not be what she wants. The Doctor (O.C.): I've done it before. Usually, I do it telepathically, But this time, I've got something better. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: It's quite... painless. Ashildr: Will you tell her what you're going to do? The Doctor: Of course. Ashildr: When? The Doctor: Now. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: Screen off. The Doctor: You OK? Clara: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just, you know, my pulse. The Doctor: Yeah, we'll fix that somehow. I promise. You remember Ashildr, of course. Clara: Yeah, sure. The Doctor: I thought you'd be more surprised to see her. Clara: I was watching. On the monitor. No. Doctor, whatever you're about to do, don't do it! The Doctor: It won't hurt, it'll be nothing. You'll just pass out for a moment. Clara: And then? The Doctor: When you wake, you'll be fine. Clara: But... The Doctor: Clara, just listen to me. Clara: Just say it. Say it. Come on. Tell me. The Doctor: When you wake up, you will have forgotten me. You'll have forgotten we ever even met. Clara: And why would I want that? The Doctor: Because it's the only way. That stuff in your head, the image of me, they could use it to find you. Clara: I, er... I used these. The Doctor: On what? Clara: That. The Doctor: What did you do? Clara: What do you think? Ashildr's right, you see? We're too alike. The Doctor: Tell me what you did. Clara: What else? What else do you think I did? I reversed the polarity. Push that button, Doctor, it will go off in your own face. The Doctor: You were trying to trick me? Clara: What were you doing to me? The Doctor: I'm trying to keep you safe. Clara: Why? Nobody's ever safe. I've never asked you for that, ever. These have been the best years of my life. And they are mine. Tomorrow is promised to no-one, Doctor, but I insist upon my past. I am entitled to that. It's mine. The Doctor: Oh, Clara Oswald... What am I doing? You're right. You're always... always right. Clara: So what happens now? Hey? Me and you, what do we do now? The Doctor: I'm not sure you managed to reverse the polarity. I'm not even sure that you can. It'll do something... to one of us. Better than flipping a coin. Clara: Doctor...? The Doctor: You and me... together. Look how far I went, for fear of losing you. This has to stop. One of us has to go. Clara: You really don't know which? The Doctor: Let's find out. Let's do it like we've done everything else. Together. Clara: How about we just don't? Why don't we just... fly away somewhere? The Doctor: Oh, that'd be great, wouldn't it? Clara: God, yeah. The Doctor: Good luck, Clara. Clara: Good luck, Doctor. ( Electronic beep ) Clara: So, what happens now? The Doctor: I suppose, we just, erm... We just wait a minute, I suppose. Clara: And one of us... One of us will... I don't think I could ever forget you. The Doctor: Clara, I don't think you're ever going to have to. Clara: No... The Doctor: Run like hell! Clara: What? The Doctor: Run like hell, because you always need to. Laugh at everything, because it's always funny. Clara: No. Stop it. You're saying goodbye. Don't say goodbye! The Doctor: Never be cruel and never be cowardly. And if you ever are, always make amends. Clara: Stop it! Stop! Stop it! The Doctor: Never eat pears. They're too squishy and they always make your chin wet. That one's quite important. Write it down. Clara: I didn't mean to do this. I'm sorry. The Doctor: It's OK. It's OK. I went too far. I broke all my own rules. I became the Hybrid. This is right. I accept it. Clara: I can't. There has to be something I can do. The Doctor: Smile for me. Go on. Clara Oswald... one last time. Clara: How could I smile? The Doctor: It's OK. Don't you worry. I'll remember it. ( The Doctor collapses. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nevada Desert. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Man: Sir? Are you all right? The Doctor: Where am I? How did I get here? Man: Clara asked me to look after you. She said you might be a bit... upset. The Doctor: Clara? Man: Yeah. She was just here. I don't know where she went. The Doctor: Clara? Clara who? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Diner. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: When something goes missing, you can always recreate it by the hole it left. I know her name was Clara. I know we travelled together. I know that there was an Ice Warrior on a submarine and a mummy on the Orient Express. I know we sat together in the Cloisters and she told me something very important, but I have no idea what she said. Or what she looked like. Or how she talked. Or laughed. There's nothing there. Just nothing. Waitress: Are you looking for her? The Doctor: I'm trying. Waitress: She could be anyone, right? You don't know who you're looking for. I mean, she could be me, for all you know. The Doctor: There's one thing I know about her. Just one thing. If I met her again, I would absolutely know. I think that we were here, you know? I think that we were here together once. I'm sure I'll remember. Over here. Stupid Doctor... Amy and Rory. It was Amy and Rory! Waitress: What about your TARDIS, hey? Have you found that yet? The Doctor: No. Somebody's moved it from London. Still looking. But this diner... it wasn't always here, was it? It used to be on the other side of the hill. Waitress: Well, maybe someone will find your TARDIS for you. ( He strums a blues tune ) Waitress: What Clara told you in the Cloisters... The Doctor: I don't remember a single thing about it. Waitress: You said memories... become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become songs. ( He resumes strumming ) The Doctor: That would be nice. Waitress: Yeah, it would be, wouldn't it? ( Clara the waitress walks out of a door and into the TARDIS. The TARDIS starts up and the diner dematerializes, leaving the Doctor standing in the Desert. We see an old TARDIS with grafitti. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ashildr: I don't think I've got the Chameleon circuit working. The outer shell might be stuck as an American Diner. Clara: Awesome. Ashildr: Still no pulse? Clara: Time isn't healing. I am still frozen. Ashildr: You know what that means? Clara: It means my death is a fixed event. The universe depends on it happening. Ashildr: I'm sorry. Clara: Why? Why does everybody think I am so scared? We all face the raven in the end. That is the deal. If I go back to Gallifrey, they can put me back, right? On Trap Street, the moment they took me out? Ashildr: Of course. Clara: Mind you... seeing as I'm not actually ageing, there's a tiny little bit of wiggle room, isn't there? Ashildr: Wiggle room? Clara: Wiggle room. Yeah, you know, wiggle room. We could, erm, you know, stop off on the way. Ashildr: Where are we going? Clara: Gallifrey. Like I said... Gallifrey. The long way round. ( TARDIS hums into life ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Desert. Outside the Doctor's TARDIS. Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The Doctor regards the TARDIS, which is painted with flowers and has a drawing of Clara on the door. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Doctor's TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The Doctor enters and there is electronic beeping. On a blackboard is written: "RUN YOU CLEVER BOY AND BE A DOCTOR". The Doctor dons his velvet jacket, scoops up his sonic and closes the TARDIS doors. ) ( TARDIS whirs and dematerializes. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Next time... ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Knocking ) The Doctor: Is there anything on my head? Man: Er, well, yes. The Doctor: Raver! Deep male voice: Death initiating. The Doctor: Stop holding my hand! People don't do that to me. Man's head: Destroy them! Woman (O.C.): Nobody move or the head gets it. The Doctor: A sonic trowel... You realise how ridiculous that sounds? Man: You planned to take my head. Woman: It never crossed my mind. Man (O.C.): Long live the king! Woman: This is a serious mission. There is nothing to laugh about here. The Doctor: We're being threatened by a bag! Man: Give us the treasure!

Aided by the Gallifreyan military, the Doctor usurps and exiles Lord President Rassilon . Now the new President, the Doctor learns that Rassilon imprisoned him in the dial to force him to confess about the Hybrid, which is prophesied by the Time Lords to stand in Gallifrey's ruins and unravel the Web of Time. The Doctor has the Time Lords retrieve Clara from her timeline at the instant of her death, ostensibly so the Doctor can consult her about the Hybrid. The Doctor escapes Gallifrey with Clara with a TARDIS stolen from the workshops under the Capitol, attempting to take her far away enough that she will return to life, despite this potentially damaging time. At the end of the universe, the Doctor encounters Ashildr [N 2] in Gallifrey's ruins; the two conclude the Hybrid is the Doctor and Clara together. The Doctor decides to remove Clara's memories of him to prevent the Time Lords from finding her, but Clara alters the device so it will affect the Doctor. The Doctor wakes in the Nevada desert where his own TARDIS has been moved. Clara, travelling with Ashildr, begins her trip to Gallifrey in the TARDIS stolen from Gallifrey to return to her death.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x12

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_02x12_0

Ted (V.O.): Kids, you remember my first day with Robin. Flashaback. Ted and Robin are at Robin's apartment. Ted: I think I'm in love with you. Robin: What?! End of flashback. Ted (voix off): Well, here's the thing, normal people, you know, people who aren't your dad, usually take longer to say "I love you." Robin went through the usual stages. Flashback. Ted, Robin and Barney are at the apartment. Robin: Spider! Spider! Barney: I left something in the hallway. Ted: Where? Robin: Right there. Ted: Got it. Ted kisses Robin. Barney comes back to the apartment. Ted (voix off): First there's the moment when you think you think it. Ted: Whoa, still alive. Barney leaves the apartment. Ted (voix off): There's the moment you think you know it. Robin is sick and in bed: Robin: Oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick. Ted still kisses her. Two days later he's the one who's sick. Ted: Totally worth it. Ted (voix off): There's the moment where you know you know it, but you can't yet say it. Ted: All right, it's getting to be that time. I'll talk to you tomorrow? Robin: Good night. Ted: Good night. Robin: Wait, Ted? Ted: Yeah? Robin: Good night. The next morning, Ted walks into Robin's apartment. Robin's on the phone. Robin: Well, great, I'll see you then. Bye, sweetie. (To Ted) Hey. Guess what? My sister Katie is coming to visit next weekend. She gets in on Thursday. Ted: That's awesome. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take off work Friday. We're gonna take her to the Empire State Building. Robin: Really? You'd do that? Ted: Of course. Everyone should see the Empire State Building. Ted (voix off): And then there's the moment where you know you know it, and you can't keep it in any longer. Flashback. At Ted's apartment. Robin: Ted. Ted: Yeah? Robin: Falafel. Credits. Robin and lily are at the airport. Lily: Falafel? Robin: Falafel. Lily: Instead of telling Ted you love him, you said "falafel"? Robin: I totally choked. Lily: I just don't get it. Why can't you tell Ted you love him? Robin: Oh, come on, this is a big deal for me. Lily: Oh, God, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. No. Robin: Okay, well, I don't usually getthis far in the relationship. I usually take the three-week exit. Lily: Don't tell me you're actually buying into Barney's freeway theory. The whole gang is at the bar Barney: Watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause I am about to drop some knowledge. Relationships are like a freeway. Marshall: Wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships are like a traveling circus. Barney: No, this is new. This trumps that. Freeways have exits. So do relationships. The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. You meet, you talk, you have s*x, you exit when she's in the shower. Robin: So every girl you have s*x with feels the immediate need to shower? Actually, yeah, I get that. Barney: The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months--that's when you guys are gonna break up, mark your calendars. Ted: What? Barney: Then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit-- death. Which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, it's like, "Are we there yet?" End of flashback. Back with Robin and Lily. Robin: So I've never been on the freeway this long before. I mean, usually by now I find out the guy has some weird personality thing that makes me want to take the next exit. Lily: Yeah, been there. I once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. Okay, it was Marshall. Robin: It's just things are going so well with Ted I just don't want to complicate it. Lily: Relax, it'll happen when it happens. Which is also the advice I gave Marshall to get him over the classical music thing. Robin: Oh, here comes Katie. Lily: Aw, your sister's so cute. Robin: Yeah. This reminds me of when I used to see her coming up the driveway from school, with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty backpack. Her sister is kissing a boy. Lily: Hello, Kitty. Robin: Oh, no. No. No. No. Katie: Hey, Robin. How are you? Robin: Oh, good. Good. So, who is this... tongue person? Katie: Robin, this is my boyfriend Kyle. Kyle: Looks like hotness runs in the family. Robin: Oh, you said that. Great. So how long have you two been...? Katie: Two whole months. Kyle: Yeah. Katie: He's actually coming to visit family in New York, too. Isn't that great? Kyle: My cousin. He's 23, kind of a wad, but he buys me beer, so... Robin: That's cool. This is my friend Lily. Kyle: Hot. Robin: You say things! Well, come on, let's get you back to my place, we'll get you settled. Katie: Um, actually, I'm going to stay with Kyle tonight. Robin: Uh, no, you're not. Katie: Oh, come on. It's kind of a special night. If you know what I mean. Robin: What? Oh. Oh... The whole gang is at the bar. Robin : I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a......douche with a faux hawk. This can't happen. You guys have to help me talk her out of it. Marshall: Speech to talk a girl out of having s*x. Ted: Yeah, I don't have any of those. Barney: Discouraging premarital s*x is against my religion. Robin: Please? I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions. Lily: It's 2:00 and you've already had three scotch and sodas. Robin: That's why I need your help. They're all at the Empire State Building. Ted (voix off): Robin convinced Katie to stay with her that first night. And the next day, I took everybody to the Empire State Building. Ted: You guys are lucky you came here with an architect. Empire State Building fun fact number one: When construction began on March 17, 1930, the framework rose at a rate of four and a half stories per week. Four and a half stories per week. Four and a half stories per week. There it is. There it is. Come on. These are fun facts, guys, let's have fun with them. Robin: You know, Katie, I have wanted to come to the Empire State Building for so long, but I waited to come here with someone special. Katie: Oh, here we go. Lily: Marshall and I have never been to the Empire State Building either. But I'm so glad I waited to do something so important with my fiancee. Marshall: Speaking of waiting, I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. It's totally cool to wait. And stay away from drugs... other than pot. Katie: You told them? Robin: Oh, okay, yes, I told them. But only because I think you should hear it from other grownups, too. Everyone thinks you should wait. Right, guys? All: Totally. You should wait. Barney: s*x is fun. Robin: See? Katie: You are such a hypocrite. You were only 16 when you lost yours. Robin: Well, how do you know that? You left your diary in your old room slash my new room. Barney: I'll pay you $10,000 for that diary. Katie: Look, I've been dating Kyle for two months now. It's like forever. I mean, we've already done everything else. I mean, we've even... Robin: Oh. La, la, la, la, la.La, la, la, la, la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la. Marshall: Even Kyle gets to do that. Katie: You have no right to tell me not to do it. Robin: But Kyle? Why can't you just wait? Because if you wait, you can get a nice guy like Ted. Katie: Robin, this is happening. Look, I already put it up on my Myspace page. I need a clove. Robin: You smoke now, too? Lily: Oh, remember cloves? Marshall: No! Robin: No "Aw, remember cloves?" This can't happen. She's my baby sister, okay? She should be watching The Little Mermaid and drinking Yoohoo, and not having s*x. Ted: Come on, you were only 16 when you had s*x. I was 17. Marshall: We were 18. Ted: Barney was probably 12. Barney: Good one, Ted. I was, uh, six... fourt... How old were you again? Ted: 17. Barney: Dude, me, too. Lily: Barney, you okay? Barney: Yeah, of course. What, you don't believe me? - It was at camp, so I'm... Marshall: What camp? Barney: This place in the Catskills. Look it up. I was there teaching for the summer. Robin: What did you teach? Barney: Uh, dance. Ted: Dance? Barney: Yeah, Ted, dance. Maybe you've heard of it. It was just a simple summer job, but it turned into so much more. Her name was Frances Houseman, but everyone called her Baby. Flashback. Where Barney work that summer. Barney: Sylvia Sylvia: Yes, Mickey? Barney: How you call your loverboy? Sylvia: Come here, loverboy Barney: And if he doesn't answer Sylvia: Oh, loverboy Barney: And if he still doesn't answer? Sylvia: I simply say, baby... Oh, baby. My sweet baby End of flashback. Back to the Empire State Building. Lily: That's Dirty Dancing. Ted: It was on last night. Marshall: No, it was two nights ago. "She's Like the Wind" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. I just got it out. Now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze! Lily: Do you remember our first time? Marshall: Yeah. It was back in college. Flashback. 1996. In Marshall and Ted's college room. Marshall and lily are kissing. Lily: Oh, wait, wait. Look... I really want to do this, but... we should make it special, you know? Do this right. Marshall: Okay. You're right. Maybe we could go to the beach and get a house for the weekend. Lily: Yeah, New Year's Eve. Marshall: Okay. Lily: Oh, and we'll light candles and maybe put on some classical music. Marshall: That's not a good idea. Lily: Why not? Marshall: Long story. But maybe we could put on some Al Green and take a bubble bath together. Lily: Oh, yeah, that sounds so good. Oh, I love you, Marshall. I'm so glad we're waiting. (12 minutes later): Oops. End of flashback. Robin: Oh, that's adorable. Ted: Yeah, tell her what happened next. Back to Marshall and lily's flashback. Marshall: That was amazing. Lily: Yeah. Want to do it again? Ted (on the bed of the top): Please don't. End of flashback. Marshall: We said we were sorry. Ted: Yeah, well, then why'd you do it again? Marshall: You know what, I loaned you my Walkman. Lily: The point is no matter what, it's never gonna be as perfect as you want it to be. Robin: Well, mine was terrible. Lily: Wait, I've never heard your story. Robin: Well, as you know, I was 16. And it was with my boyfriend Brian. Flashback. Robin's in bed with Brian. Brian: Ready? Robin: Yeah. Brian: This feels so right. Robin: Oh, I know. Brian: Oh, Robin. Robin: Oh, Brian. Brian: Yeah, I'm gay. End of flashback. Lily: I'm so sorry. Robin: Eh, I should've known. There were signs. Back to Robin's flashback. Brian: Oh, my God! My mom's home. Quick! Get under my bed. Robin: What?! Oh, my God! End of flashback. Robin: You only get one shot at losing your virginity. And even though I just barely had s*x, it counts. Lily: What do you mean just barely? Robin: Well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, but he... splashed around in the shallow end. Lily: Then you didn't lose your virginity to him. Just barely doesn't count. Robin: Yes, it does. Lily: No, it doesn't. Marshall: Yes, it does. Lily: No, it doesn't. It doesn't count. End of story. Barney: Ooh, why, Lily Aldrin, you saucy little harlot. Could it be that before Marshall took a swim, someone else tested the water? Marshall: No. Nobody else tested the water, right? Scooter? Barney: Who's Scooter? Lily: My high school boyfriend, who I did not have s*x with. Marshall: I... I can't believe this. We're Marshall and Lily, when people see us, they say, "Oh, look at them, they've only had s*x with each other." Barney: No, Marshall, they say, (with a sad voice) "Oh, look at them, they've only had s*x with each other." Marshall: But now that's not true anymore, now you've had s*x with twice as many people as I have. I knew that you were too good at it. Katie: Know what? I don't want to see the stupid Empire State Building anymore. Ted: It's not stupid. Katie: I'm going to see Kyle. Robin: Katie, please. You only get to lose your virginity once. You should only be having s*x with someone who's special. Katie: Oh, please, you've had s*x with, like, a hundred guys. Robin: It's not a hundred guys. It's not a hundred guys. Katie: I'm sure you were madly in love with all of them. Robin: I had different levels of feeling for each of the... very reasonable number of guys. Katie: Really. Well, do you love Ted? Do you love Ted? Robin: I, um... Ted: Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 22: The Empire State Building has tons of places where people can have private conversations. ( goes away with Robin) You're off the hook, okay? Robin: Just let me explain. Ted: You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to say it-- it's fine. Robin: Okay, but if relationships are like a freeway, then saying... "hm hm hm" is like... getting into the carpool lane. And I don't want to take an exit, but... at the same time, I'm not ready to get into the carpool lane. Because what's in the carpool lane? Oh, it's a big diamond, and I'm just not ready to get... Ted: Okay, Robin, Robin, stop. It's no big deal, you don't have to say it. Robin: It's just, it's a big thing to say to someone, and I don't want to say it too soon. Ted: What, you mean like I did? Robin: No. I didn't... Yeah, like you did. I mean, you have to admit it, Ted, it was a little weird. Ted: Weird... or courageous? Robin: Pretty sure weird. I mean, who gives it up on the first date? Ted: Well, come on, it shows I'm brave and bold, like a knight. Robin: No, it shows that you're an I-love-you slut. Ted: Well, then you're an I-love-you prude. You know what? I take mine back. Robin: You... What? Ted: I take my "I love you" back. Robin: You can't take it back. Ted: Nah. Just did. Got it right here. But, you know, I'm such a slut. I'm just gonna give it away. Hey, you, sir. I love you. Man: Thank you, man. I was going up there to jump. (the man hugs Ted) Lily: Marshall, why is this such a big deal? Marshall: Why is this such a big deal? Oh, uh, sorry, Christopher Columbus, guess who actually discovered the New World. Some dude named Scooter. Oh, uh, Neil Armstrong, it actually goes like this: "One small step for man, one giant leap for Scooter." Whoa, hey, Adam, guess who got with Eve before you did... Lily: Okay, Marshall, I get it. Marshall: It's a big deal because it rewrites our history. Lily: No, it doesn't. Look, have you been to the Empire State Building? No. You've only been in the lobby. People don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. They buy tickets to get to the top. Scooter only got in the lobby, and the lobby doesn't count. Marshall: Really. Excuse me, sir, uh, can you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building? Man (the same that talked to Ted) Um, we're in it right now. Marshall: Thank you, sir. You're a very wise and brilliant man. Man: You're right. Why would I throw that all away? I'm having the best day! Robin: Katie, I'll admit, maybe I'm not in any place to lecture you on romantic relationships, but... but I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I've made. Katie: Oh, believe me, Kyle is not gay. Robin: That's not what I meant. I just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. Please don't do this. Ted (V.O.) : But, kids, later that night, Katie did it, and she got pregnant... with quintuplets... and she lived out her days in a trailer park... where she died an alcoholic. So the moral here, kids, don't have s*x until you're married. Maybe even, like, a year or two into marriage. His kids: Dad! The girl: Come on, what really happened? Ted (V.O.): All right, here's what really happened. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted is sitting on the couch at the apartment when Robin comes in. Robin: Hey. Ted: Hey. Robin: She didn't do it. Ted: Hey, that's great! You got through to her. Robin: No, I didn't. You did. She told me that you talked to her. Flashback. Ted meets Katie et the Empire State Building. Ted: Hey, Katie. Katie: Hey. Got another Empire State Building fun fact for me? Ted: No. I wouldn't bore you with the seven million man-hours it took to build this 102-story testament to human will. So, you okay? Katie: I don't know what everyone is freaking out about. Kyle, he's a really nice guy. He could've cheated on me with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't. 'Cause he said he knew I'd find out. Ted: That's very gallant. Well, I don't know what your sister's freaking out about, either. - I was your age my first time. Katie: Oh, really? Ted: Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly. Flashback. Ted is on the bed with molly. Molly: I love you, Ted. Ted: Oh, I love you, too, Molly. (Voix off ) But I didn't. Molly: That was amazing. Ted: Look, I got to go. Molly: Where are you going? Ted: My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going out to the woods to light 'em-- it's gonna be awesome. Molly: Well, will you call me? Ted: Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you. (Voix off) But I didn't. Molly? Molly: Yeah? Ted: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back.(Voix off) But I didn't. End of flashback. Back to Katie and Ted. Ted: And I never saw her again. I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have s*x. I-I would've said anything to make that happen, and... that's exactly what I did. Look, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. Even the nice ones. Flashback. Katie's at Robin apartment. Katie: So I told Kyle I wanted to wait... and he dumped me. Robin: Oh, oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Aw, honey. I promise everything is gonna be okay. You want to watch The Little Mermaid and drink some YooHoo? Katie: Only if you put a buttload of Kahlua in it. Robin: Don't tell Mom. End of flashbacks. Back to robin and Ted. Robin: Thanks for doing that. Ted: You're welcome. I knew it meant a lot to you. Robin: But, man, your story, I mean, it doesn't even sound like you. Ted: Yeah, well... Flashback. Ted and molly are on the bed. Ted: I love you, Molly. Molly: Oh, I love you, too, Ted. Ted: Wow. That was amazing. Molly: Look, I got to go. Ted: Wh-Where are you going? Molly: Uh, my cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going into the woods to light them. It's gonna be awesome. Ted: Will you call me? Molly: Yeah. I'll totally call you. Oh, Ted? Ted: Yeah? Molly: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. End of flashback. Ted: But she didn't. Robin: Oh, come here. I love you. I said it. Feels right. I love you. Ted: I'm gay. I'm kidding. I love you, too. Hey... you lost your I-love-you-ginity. Robin: Yeah. I guess I was just waiting for the right guy. Ted (voix off): Katie ended up having a great first time in New York. And the last thing we did before she left was go to the Empire State Building. Ted: I am so glad we're finally doing this. Barney: What are you talking about? We were here yesterday. Marshall: Yeah, but that didn't really count. Oh, crap. Lily: Exactly! So yesterday doesn't count as having gone to the Empire State Building. So I lost it to you, Marshall. And I rode that elevator to the top, and I saw that view, and I basked in the awesomeness. And that's our story. Marshall: Yeah. Yeah, that's our story. We've only had s*x with each other. Lily: We've only had s*x with each other. Barney: They've only had s*x with each other. Ted: Ooh, okay, in, in we go, in we go. Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 81: There are 1,860 steps from this... (They push him outside the elevator) Whoa, whoa! Come on! They're at the bar. Ted: So, now you guys can finally say you've been to the Empire State Building. How have you lived here so long and never been to the top? Marshall: Well, we're usually busy... drinking. Lily: Speaking of first times, we never got to hear your virginity story. Marshall: That's right, I almost forgot. Barney: Okay. I was 16, and it was in a baseball dugout... Marshall: Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Barney: I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl... Ted: Risky Business. Barney: I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer... Ted: That's War Games, and there's not even a s*x scene in it. Barney: All right! I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend, Rhonda. She called me "Barry" the whole time, and for two weeks, my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. You happy? Marshall: Hey... Why don't you tell us again about your first time at the camp in the Catskills. Barney: Baby and her family spent every summer at Kellerman's. Her dad did not approve of our love. Ted: Did anyone put Baby in a corner? Barney: Oh, God, no. What can I say, I... had... the time of my life. True story.

Robin wants to tell Ted she loves him, but she can't make the leap. Meanwhile, her sister visits and brings her boyfriend, and Robin doesn't react well when her sister says she's ready to lose her virginity.

fd_The_Mentalist_01x05

fd_The_Mentalist_01x05_0

Redwood Point, in the forest Sheriff Nelson: The girls were last seen leaving Sullivan's tavern, 1:00 in the morning. A truck driver spotted the car around 5:30 and called it in. Look, I only have four deputies. Only a couple of them have ever seen a body killed in anger. If what we have here is a homicide, I'm gonna need some help. Lisbon: Just to be clear, except in special circumstances, We don't help out. We take over. You need to be okay with that. Sheriff Nelson: Okay. I guess. Jane (To Sheriff): She's not really a morning person. She'll improve. Lisbon: Names of the missing women? Sheriff Nelson: Nicole Gilbert and Kara Palmer. Local girls, both 21. Work together at hunting store in town. Last night was Nicole's engagement party. Lisbon: The car was found exactly like this? Sheriff Nelson: Yep. Well, no. Uh, the door was open just like that. We popped the runk. Ah, yep. Dead as a dodo. Jane looks at the car. Lisbon tries to start it Sheriff Nelson: No gas either. They must have left it running. Cho: Hey, there's a different set of tire tracks here that pulled off the road. A truck or big S.U.V., looks like. Lisbon: They're still fresh. Must be from the trucker who called in the car. Make sure forensics gets a mold. Cho: Yep. Jane: What's going on with your dog? Parker: Oh, he's confused somehow. This behavior? He's saying, "hey,look! Here they are!" Give me my slim jim already. Sheriff Nelson: Parker, do you have a better dog close by somewhere? Parker: Sir, this is the best dog in the county. Come on, Dexter. People are waiting on us. Jane: Did you look under the car? Sheriff Nelson: Under the car? Jane: Yeah. Sheriff Nelson: Of course we looked under the car. Oh, crap. Cho and Sheriff look under the car Jane: One or two? Cho: One. Sheriff Nelson: It's Kara Palmer. Jane: So... Where's Nicole Gilbert? They look for Nicole Policemans: Nicole! Parker: Good boy, Dexter. He's got her on lock now. Jane: Is there any way to tell from the scent trail how fast Nicole was moving? Parker: Oh, sure. Dexter's detecting skin cells. They fall off your body all the time at a pretty consistent rate. Policemans: Nicole! Parker: So the faster you move, the thinner the trail you leave. Jane: So are we following Nicole on foot or Nicole tied up in the back of a truck? Parker: I don't know. Jane: You said you can tell how fast she was moving. Parker: Oh, Dexter can tell. I'm just walking behind him. Policeman: Nicole, can you hear us?! Lisbon: Tell us about Kara and Nicole. Sheriff Nelson: I've known them practically their whole lives. Kara was a real sweetheart. You'll find no one around here will say a bad word about Kara Palmer. Churchgoing family, no trouble at all. Jane: Meaning Nicole Gilbert was trouble. Sheriff Nelson: Nicole... well, she had her problems. Drugs and drug-related foolishness mostly. Fraud, petty theft. Lisbon: Any violent offenses? Sheriff Nelson: No. No. Policeman: Nicole! Sheriff Nelson: No, she was more of a troubled soul than a bad person. Tough life. Her mom died when she was 7. Her father raised her on meth and hot dogs. He's in prison now for drug dealing. Kara and her family were all the stability Nicole ever had. Jane: So she and Kara were good friends. Odd match. Sheriff Nelson: Yeah, real close since they were little. In a small town, you don't choose your friends. They're the same age. They're female. That's enough. (Policeman arrives) Kyle, boys, thank you for coming. Kyle: Sheriff. Where do you want us? Sheriff Nelson: Well, you know this valley as well as anyone. Just pick your spots. Kyle: Do we know if she's armed? Lisbon: What do you know about this case? Kyle: Uh, same thing as everybody else, I guess. Some badass townie girl got mad drunk, Stabbed her friend to dealer and ran off into the woods. Lisbon: Kara Palmer died from loss of blood. Nicole Gilbert is missing. Maybe she ran off. Maybe she was abducted. We don't know. Don't assume anything. Kyle: Message received and understood, ma'am. All right, fellas. (They Lisbon: You knew Nicole. You think she did this? Sheriff Nelson: Who knows what others are capable of? She sure had built up a lot of bad Karma. But I don't know. She seemed to be turning her life around. Lisbon: Bad Karma doesn't have an expiration date. Jane: Uh, actually, it does, According to traditionnel buddhist teachings. I'm counting on it. Lisbon leaves Lisbon: Let's go. Palmer's House, she gives tea to Van Pelt and Rigsby Mr. Palmer: People in town are already saying Nicole did this. But I don't believe it. She will have to tell me herself that she did this before I believe it. Nicole loved our daughter, and we loved Nicole almost like she was our own. Mrs Palmer: Almost. Mr. Palmer: Why... why would she kill her? She had her troubles, lord knows, but... she wasn't crazy. Rigsby: Has there been any tension between them recently? (To Mrs Palmer) Oh, nothing. Mr. Palmer: No. None at all. Mrs Palmer: Well... Van Pelt: Yes? Mrs Palmer: That boy. That... That fiance of Nicole's. Van Pelt: Jason... O'toole. Mrs Palmer: We never met him but once or twice, and he seemed nice enough. Mr. Palmer: He works lumber. You know how those fellas are. Like to play the buck. All but sleep at Sullivan's tavern. Mrs Palmer: But, you know, these days, you have to look past the piercings and the tatous and all that, don't you? But Kara didn't think much of him. Van Pelt: No? Mrs Palmer: Didn't approve. I think there might have been some tension there. Rigsby: What was her problem with Jason? Mrs Palmer: Oh, I guess just a feeling that he wasn't trustworthy, you know? But Nicole was in love, and she thought Kara was just jalouse 'cause Kara didn't have a boyfriend. Rigsby: Did Jason ever get violent with Nicole? Mrs Palmer: No. Not that I heard, but I wouldn't be surprised. Nicole had her fair share of that type. Van Pelt: Kara didn't have a boyfriend? Mrs Palmer: Kara could've had anyone she liked. But have you seen the men around here? It's all drunken lumberjacks and hippie pot farmers. Kara had... she had higher standards than that. (She cry) In the forest: Sheriff Nelson: What's the problem now, Parker? Parker: Trail's cold, sheriff. Sheriff Nelson: Best dog in the county, huh? Parker: Come on. Sheriff Nelson: Nicole! Jane: She can't answer you. Lisbon: Or doesn't want to. Jane: No, she's a captive or dead. Sheriff Nelson: How do you know that? Jane: How far have we come? What, 5 miles? Nicole would've been barefoot, probably drunk. It was a dark night. There's no way she could cover that distance. Someone must have her in a vehicle, and Dexter lost the scent. Sheriff Nelson: Okay. So you're in charge now. What do we do? Jane: It's close to evening. Call off the search. Gather everybody together and... Sheriff Nelson: Give up? There's a girl missing. Jane: Tell me, of the men on this search party, Which one would you guess is a violent sexual predator? Sheriff Nelson: What kind of question is that? Jane: Whose name just popped into your head? Someone's did. Huh? There's always someone. Sheriff Nelson: This is your method? Asking people to guess whodunit? Strange kind of detective work you guys do. Lisbon: Jane's being dramatic, But if somebody did victimize Kara and Nicole, statistics show that they'd be really like to join the search party. Jane: They enjoy the deceit. It's like being the invisible man. Sheriff Nelson: Is that right? Jane: Yeah. So gather up the search party. Let me have a crack at them. Lisbon: He gets results. Sheriff Nelson: I know all these guys. I'll vouch for every one of them. Well, most of them. I'll call them in. Cho and Rigsby are in front of Sullivan's tavern. Jason O'Toole comes out. Cho: Jason O'Toole? Jason: Get your truck outta my way. Rigsby: We need to talk to you about Nicole Gilbert. Jason: I don't have time for this, guys. Rigsby: Let's have a little chat. They enter Sullivan's tavern Cho: Where were you going in such a hurry, Jason? Jason: Back to the woods to find Nicole. Rigsby: How do you know she was in the woods? Jason: I don't. I hope she's in the woods. Because if she's not in the woods, then she can be anywhere in the frickin' world, right? Rigsby: Why not search with the rest of the town? Jason: Nah, I cover more ground alone. Cho: Why did Kara drive Nicole home after the party? Why didn't you? Jason: Because I was too drunk. Cho: Or maybe you two had a fight. Jason: No. We were celebrating our engagement. Cho: That's right about when the fights start. Jason: We video'd the whole thing. Okay? You can watch it and see. There's no fighting. Cho: We'll do that. Where is that video? Jason: It's in my truck. Rigsby: There's this whole Kara issue we have to talk about. Maybe that blew up, huh? Jason: What issue? Rigsby: Well, Kara didn't like you, didn't think you were good enough for Nicole, thought you were untrustworthy. Jason: That's funny. is that what you do? You try to get me all upset or something so I look guilty? Cho: Does it upset you? That Kara didn't like you? She was trying to undermine you? Jason: I couldn't care less, okay? Because it's not true anyhow. Kara liked me well enough. Least I never heard her say different. Cho: Where were you between 1:00 and 7:00 a.m. last night? Jason: I was here, passed out on the floor. Redwood Point Sheriff Nelson: We'll regroup in the morning, first light. Before you go, Patrick Jane from the CBI would like to have a word with all of you. Jane: Thanks, sheriff Nelson. I want you to look at me, all of you, and listen closely. I'd like you to raise your hands above your heads like this. (He gets his hands) Both hands. You, too, sheriff. And you, agent Lisbon. Please. Good. Very good. One of you... one of you here killed Kara Palmer and abducted Nicole Gilbert.I want that person to lower their right hand now. (Nobody doing) Uh, okay. Okay, uh, usually gets a hit. Forget I even spoke. Sheriff's radio: Sheriff Nelson, We have a 1028 reported on Nicole Gilbert... a gas station convenience store. I repeat, 1028 on Nicole Gilbert. In the station, Nicole is sat. She has a knife and is writing To hospital Doctor: She had a nasty blow to her head, moderate concussion. Her feet are badly abraded and she has a lot of minor scratches and bruises. Mild hypothermia. Physically, she'll be fine in a day or so. Mentally, it's another story. When you brought her in, she was in some kind of a psychotic state. We've medicated her to take the edge off that, but she's still in deep shock. She has no memory at all of the events that brought her here. Sheriff Nelson: That's convenient. If I just stabbed my best friend to death, I'd want to forget, too. As soon as she's well enough, I'm charging her and taking her to jail. Lisbon: Sheriff, you have custody of Nicole, but the CBI's leading this investigation. I decide when to file charges. We don't have the full facts yet. Sheriff Nelson: Facts? She's covered in blood. She's carrying what looks to be the murder weapon, which the forensic guys say has Kara's blood on it. What more do you want? Lisbon: If she well enough to speak to? Doctor: As long as you're gentle with her. Jane: Have you told her Kara's dead? Doctor: No. We don't want to upset her. Jane: Mm. Doctor: She's very fragile. Jane: Yeah. They enter the bedroom Lisbon: Nicole? My name is Teresa Lisbon. I'm with the California Bureau of Investigation. Nicole: Hi. Lisbon: We want to ask you a few questions about what happened to you and Kara. Nicole: I told the doctor I can't remember. Lisbon: That's okay. What's the last thing you do remember? Nicole: My party. I remember leaving Sullivan's and getting in the car with Kara. You know where my fiance is? Lisbon: Do you remember anything else about the party? Nicole: We had a good time. Lisbon: Nothing bad or unusual happened? Nicole: No. We drank a lot... Danced. Where's Kara? Lisbon: You and Kara left the Sullivan in her car. Then what happened? Nicole: I don't know. I don't know. that's what I'm telling you. The next thing I remember, I was in this bed. What's wrong with me? What happened? Where's... where's Kara? Why won't anyone tell me anything? Lisbon: Shh. It's okay. Jane: She's dead. Lisbon: Jane! Jane: Stabbed to death. Nicole (crying): No. Lisbon: Why did you say that? Jane: She was gonna find out at some point. Lisbon: The doctor said to be gentle. Jane: Ah, doctors. Open your eyes, Nicole. Look at me. Open your eyes. (She opens his) I told you the trust because you can handle it. You have to. You will. Tell me you will. (She says yes with his head) What you have to do now, you have to remember what happened. Close your eyes and remember. Lisbon: Jane... Flashback Jane: Close your eyes. You were driving with Kara down Flagship road. Nicole: Pull over. Kara: What? Nicole: Pull over! Jane: Why did you stop? She gets out the car Nicole: I was feeling sick. A man arrives Nicole: Hey. There's a man. Lisbon: What does he look like? Nicole: I don't know. I can't see. It's dark. I can hear... a loud rushing sound, like water. Jane: Then what happened? Nicole: I... I don't know. I can't remember. Jane: You have to. Nicole: No, I can't. Jane: You have to. Nicole: I can't remember. Jane: You have to. Nicole: No, I can't. I... The doctor arrives Doctor: What have you been doing to her? Out! Sheriff, Lisbon and Jane leave the bedroom Sheriff Nelson: That's bull. She's got amnesia, but not so badly she can't finger somebody else for killing Kara. Rushing water, my ass. Jane: No, she's telling the truth. Something happened... something too horrible for her mind to handle. Her memory's blocked. Sheriff Nelson: Well, even if that's true. Maybe it's bloque because she killed Kara. Jane: Well, it's possible. I don't think so. I think she's a victim. Sheriff Nelson: How can you tell? Jane: It's in her eyes. Sheriff Nelson: Oh. Well, then... why didn't you say so? It's in her eyes.Here's me looking for facts. Jane: Why would she kill her best friend? What's her, uh, motive? Sheriff Nelson: Why do women kill other women? Lisbon: Over men. Sheriff Nelson: Could've been fighting over Jason, though he's no Brad Pitt. Jane: She was covered in blood. Lisbon: Yes? Jane: But it rained. It rained hard for a good few hours last night. Only when they recovered Nicole, she was still covered in blood. so... Lisbon: So she must've been under good cover when it rained. She must've been indoors. Sheriff Nelson: She was hiding. Jane: Or she was a captive, probably near the river... hence the sound of rushing water. Lisbon calls Rigsby Rigsby: Rigsby. Lisbon: Rigsby, get a couple park rangers and organize a search of all the empty summer cabins, storage units and sheds within earshot of the river... caves, too. Oh, and, Rigsby, have Van Pelt set up the video Jason shot at the party at Sullivan's tavern. Rigsby: You got it, boss. Lisbon hangs up Lisbon: Let's go. She leaves Jane: Hmm. Uh, sheriff? There's a man out there that needs to silence Nicole before she recovers her memory. Sheriff Nelson: So you say. Jane: So I say. No one should enter her room. Make sure your men keep her safe. Sheriff Nelson: I know my business. You mind yours, whatever in the heck it is. Sheriff's Office. The Team watch a video. Van Pelt: How's Jason's alibi look? Cho: Alibi's solid. Several people saw him passed out at the bar. Jane: Damn. Nelson was right. Cho: About what? Jane: Look at Jason's camera work. He's torn between Nicole and Kara. Kara: I love this girl. I love this girl. Nicole: And I love you, baby. Cho: So he had a thing for Kara. It's no proof of motive unless Nicole knew about it. Jane: And it doesn't look like they're feuding over him, does it? Nicole: I'm getting married! Nicole and Kara: Whoo! Whoo! Lisbon: Wait. Stop right there. Run it back. There. The guy at the bar staring at Kara, in the baseball cap. Van Pelt: I can blow it up. Lisbon: Yeah, let's get a better look at that hat. Van Pelt: "Earthly Pure." What is that? Lisbon: That's the brand of cosmetics we found in Kara's vehicle. Can we match that image to the D.M.V. database? Van Pelt: I can try. Cho: Rulon Farnes. Van Pelt: Truck driver for Earthly Pure Cosmetics. I can call the company, see if I can get a track on him. Lisbon: Mm, yeah. Lisbon's phone rings Lisbon: Anything? Rigsby: We searched every cabin and shack along the river. Nothing. Lisbon: Have them drop you back at the station. Rigsby: Okay, boss. Jane begins to leave Lisbon: Where you going? Jane: For a walk. Hospital, Jane is in Nicole's room Jane: How you doing? Nicole: People are saying that I killed Kara. That's why there's a policeman outside, so that I don't escape. Jane: Hmm. Did you... kill Kara? Nicole: I don't know. I don't think I did. I do you think I did? Jane: No. Why would you kill Kara? Nicole: Yeah. Why would I kill her? But the thing is, I don't know. I don't think I did, but... I don't know. We hear a scream Policeman: Hey! Hey, where you going?! Jason: Take your hands off of me! Policeman: Don't make me tase you, son. Kyle: Guys, come on. Everybody just take it down a notch. Jane: Uh, what's going on? Policeman: He was trying to sneak in to see her. Jason: I was just... I was crying to see my girl, all right? I was just walking through! Jane: Nobody's allowed to see her right now. Policeman: Come on. Jane: Wow. Nicole: Are they gone? Jane: Yes. Nicole: I'm not ready to see anyone yet. Jane: Are you okay? You need me to get the nurse? Nicole: No. No, no. Don't leave me alone. Jane: I won't. What was it in particular that scared you just now, Nicole? Nicole: I don't know. I'm sorry. Jane: It's okay. It's not your fault. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt are going to Sullivan's tavern. Cho and Rigsby enter the toilet but Van Pelt stays outside. Cho: Rulon, we need to talk to you about Kara Palmer. Let's go. Rulon tries to leave. Cho and Rigsby try to stop him. Cho: Rigsby, get up! Come on, get up! Van Pelt enters the toilet and hits Rulon, who falls. Cho: Oh! Let's go. Hospital, Jane waits for Nicole to wake up. He hear a piano. Flashback, Jane's daughter plays piano: Jane's daughter: Daddy, listen. End of Flashback Jane's phone is calling Jane: Uh, what? Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. [SCENE_BREAK] Sheriff's Office Cho: So how is it you know Kara Palmer? Rulon: This town's on my regular route, and I stop here to eat. Huntin's store is next door to the diner. One day I walk in there, and a tight little pair of buns caught my eye. Boy meets girl. So I walk over, and I start up a conversation. Cho: What did you talk about? Rulon: Offered her $10 to sit in my lap. She said no, but she said no in that kind of way like I was lowballing her, Not no, like, to the general principle. So I guess you could say I've been courting her.I'm through town, (Jane takes Kara's MP3) I stop by, I give her some free stuff. Van Pelt: What did you expect from Kara in return for the free stuff? Rulon: I gave her a lot of stuff, So I'm thinking eventually... some form of sexual congress. Van Pelt (exasperate): And what did you get? Rulon: I disgust you, don't I? Van Pelt: A little, yeah. Rulon: You're pretty. How's your lipstick supply? You beautiful people got no ideawhat unattractive guys go through. Don't I have a heart? Don't I long to be held,to be loved, to be cherished? Yes, I do. So I gotta pay for a little human contact every now and then. Shoot me. It's not my fault I look like this. Cho: It is, actually. With a low carb diet and exercise, you could look very different. (Lisbon laugh) Rulon: I got a glandular problem. Jane: Uh, how heavy are you, exactly? Rulon: 245. I... I've lost a lot of weight in the last year. Van Pelt: You expected sexual favoris from Kara. What did you get? Rulon: She was a beautiful woman. There's nothing more beautiful than a beautiful woman, is there? Cho: What did you get from Kara? Rulon: Nothing at all. In France, they'd have called her a coquette. I was... always held out high hopes. I mean, there's always hope. Jane: There sure is. Van Pelt: Suppose she never did put out for you. How would you feel? Rulon: If I killed all the omen that had rejected me... I'd have killed a lot of women. Cho: We can place you at the same bar where Kara was last seen the night of her murder. Rulon (laughing): So were a whole boatload of other people. Cho: Where were you between the hours of 1:30 and 7:00 that morning? Rulon: My motel. Van Pelt: Were you alone? Rulon: Yeah, I was. Cho: So you have no alibi. Rulon: Nope. Doesn't look good for me, does it? Cho: You seem fine with that. Rulon: You know, I read that prosecutors are not real happy with juries nowadays, 'cause those folks watt a lot of crime shows on TV, and they walk in there expecting every crime scene to have, like, DNA, hair, whatnot. And if that prosectorat does not hand them the defendant's spit on a plate, (He hit on the table) not guilty. Cho: You saying you're innocent or careful? Rulon: You'll never know. The team move away a little Cho: He has no alibi, and I can't find an angle to get at him. He's shameless. He likes the attention. Rigsby: Maybe we should let Jane at him. Lisbon: Hey, Jane. Want to have a crack at him? Jane doesn't hear Lisbon because he's listening to music Lisbon: Jane! Jane: Oh, him? Oh, let him go. Lisbon stops music Lisbon: Let him go? Cho: What for? Rigsby: We had to fight to catch him. Jane: Oh, you're such policemen. Yes, let him, go. Set him free. He's telling the truth. Lisbon: You know this how? Jane: He liked Kara. Why would he kill her and kidnap Nicole? Doesn't make any sense. Besides, he blushed when he lied about his weight. A man without guile... innocent. Kara...not quite as innocent as she's been painted. Van Pelt: By the word of a creep. Jane: An honest creep whose stuff she took knowing what kind of a man he was. Lisbon: Free eyeliner doesn't make her a whore, and a man blushing, embarrassed by his weight, hardly makes him innocent. It makes him sensitive about his weight. I think he's a good prospect. We should keep him close. (She see Kara's MP3) Hey, is that Kara's Mp3 player? Jane: Yeah. Lisbon: What are you doing with it? Jane: Uh, listening to music. It's pretty good. Lisbon: But that's evidence. You can't play with that. Jane: Evidence of what, that she likes music? Lisbon: It's in the log as physical evidence. It's evidence. Jane: Okay. (Talking of Lisbon) What's with her? Rigsby: Seriously, if it's in the log, it's in the log. You can't touch it. Jane: Really? All right.Well, uh... I'm sorry. I, uh, I didn't realize it was a sacred thing. I'll put it right back. You gonna release Rulon or what? Lisbon: I don't want to, but I don't have enough to hold him on. (To Cho)Let him go. We'll keep him under surveillance. Put that back. Jane: All right. It's going. Cho: Rulon, you can go. Sorry about the inconvenience. Jane: There it is. # I never hurt nobody # # Never done nobody wrong # # Just tackle me and do it if you want to come along # Jane going to the hospital to see Nicole Jane: Nicole? Hey. You want to get out of here? She says yes Jane: Put these on as quick as you can. Quick as you can. He leaves bedroom and speaks to a policeman Jane: Hi. I... if I may? (He takes his cap) Thank you. I'll be right back. He leaves and the policeman runs after him Policeman: Hey. Hey! Hey! Jane enters and wants Nicole to leave hospital before the policeman arrives To the tavern, Rigsby and Lisbon are there. Lisbon: There's nothing left to eat. You cleaned us out this morning. Listen. Rigsby: Cars? Lisbon: The flow of them. It's like a hum. What if Nicole didn't hear water that night? What if it was the flow of traffic? Rigsby: Then we should have been searching cabins on this side of town, near the highway. Lisbon: We'll split up. I'll get a ranger to come and get me, Search the likely spots. You stay with Rulon. Jane and Nicole are in the car, in the forest Nicole: Where are we going? Jane: You trust me, Nicole? Nicole: Yes. Jane opens the MP3 Jane: I'm gonna help you remember what happened to you that night. Nicole: I don't want to remember. Jane: You have to. Wherever you go, untel you know the trust of what happened, you will be haunted. Until you see Kara's dealer redeemed, you'll be haunted. You have to know the truth. # Curled up like a cat at the corner of everything # # Don't feel bad even if you could # # Because if you did not do it someone else just would # # It's easy # Nicole: Makes me feel sad. Jane: It's the same music that was playing in Kara's car that night. Nicole: Yes. Yes. How did you know that? Are you psychic? (Jane smile) Jane: No. These machines have clocks. They log in their memory what was played when. Kara told you the secret, didn't she? Terrible secret she'd been keeping from you. But she had to tell you. She had to be honest. # That time forgot # # And though somme names have changed # Nicole: I'm gonna be sick. Jane: Okay. He stops Nicole: She said that I shouldn't marry Jason... Because he's no good, and then I said she was wrong. Then she said that she knows he's no coud because... She and him were sneaking around behind my back... hooking up. Jane: I'm sorry. She leaves the car, Jane follows her Jane: Nicole, then what happened? Nicole: No. I don't want to remember any more. Jane: You must. Nicole: No. I'm scared. Jane: I've been where you're going. I know how you feel. I know. But you have to be brave. I'm here. I won't let anything bad happen. I promise. # Bow down before # # Adore, adore # # Bow down before # # Adore, adore # Flashback, Nicole leaves car and she was sicked Kara: Sorry. I'm so sorry! A car arrives Kara: Nicole, get back in the car. Nicole: Go screw yourself! Kara: Get in the car! A man arrives Nicole: Hey, mister, are you looking for a good time? Because my friend here is a cheap whore, and I'm sure she'd be happy (He hit her) ... ohh! # And I'll be there when you get home in evening # Kara come in see Nicole but the man kill her Nicole: Oh! I'm being carried now. I can hear the engine. It's vibrating. Jane: Gasoline or diesel? Nicole: Sounded like a diesel. Jane: Where is he taking you? Is it a long journey? Nicole: No. No, not long. short. A bumpy road. END of flash-back In hospital: Sheriff Nelson (calling): Agent Lisbon, your man Jane just kidnapped Nicole Gilbert from the hospital. Lisbon is in a car with Kyle Lisbon: Oh, no. Sheriff Nelson: Oh, yes. And I'm not happy. In fact, I'm mad as hell. You people are my guests. You can't come in here and abduct my suspects! Lisbon: Sheriff, I will fix this. Let me get on it right away. (She hangs back up) Son of a bitch. Kyle: What's up? Lisbon: Personnel issues (She call Jane) Pick up your phone, damn it. Jane's phone rings Nicole: We're stopping now. It's like an old shed. It was small and dark... and cold and dusty. I'm scared. Help me! Somebody help me! The door won't open. I can't get out. Flashback, she is in a cabin Jane: You will get out. Nicole: I can't get out! Jane: It's gonna be fine. The... the door will open. It will open. Is it bolted? Nicole: Somebody help! Nicole: No! Jane: Chained? Nicole: No, I don't think so. I'm trapped. Nicole: I'm gonna die. Nicole: Oh, my god. I'm gonna die! Jane: Nicole, you can open it. It's your choice. The door is unlocked if you want it to be. Open the door, Nicole. Open it. She tries to open the door but a man arrives ... It's Kyle. END of flashback Kyle and Lisbon are in a caban Lisbon: It's cold up here at night, huh? Kyle: Yeah, and broiling during the day. Worst of both worlds. Nicole and Jane Nicole: He... he's got a knife on me. Flashback, He restrains her with a knife Nicole: Aah! He's trying to rape me, but I won't let him. She hits him, takes knife and runs away END of flash-back Kyle and Lisbon. Jane calling her. Lisbon: Where the hell are you? Jane: Nicole remembered everything. She can describe the suspect. We're looking for a tall, well-built man with brown hair and glasses, mid 30s. Lisbon: That's it? That describes half the men in California. Jane: Yeah, that's it, but at least we know it wasn't her that killed Kara. And it wasn't Rulon Farnes. Lisbon: Nice work. For this you illegally abducted her from the sheriff's custody? Jane: Yeah. I was... I was gonna tell you about it, but I figured seeing that it's illegal, best to keep you out of it so that you have deniability. Lisbon: Oh, how considerate of you. Listen to me carefully and do exactly as I tell you. Take her back to the hospital right nos and sincerely apologize to sheriff Nelson. They hang up Kyle: Wow. What was all that about? Lisbon: My bad karma. Kyle: How's she doing, anyway? Lisbon: Who? Kyle: The girl... Nicole. How's she holding up? Lisbon: Okay, considering. Kyle: She remember anything yet? Lisbon: We're doing what we can. Kyle: Good. Jane and Nicole in the car Jane: Is there anything else, anything specific that you can remember about him? Nicole: Just what he looked like. that's all I remember. Jane: Doesn't matter how small it is. Little things like what his voice sounded like or what he smelled like or... Nicole: Pineapple. Jane: That's great. (He call Lisbon) Lisbon: Is this the last place to check? Kyle: No, there's one more place. Lisbon: All right, let's go. (She accept call) Hey. Jane: Pineapple. He smelled like pineapple. Lisbon: Pineapple? What the hell go... (Flashback, Lisbon remember had see a desodorisant to pineraie in Kyle's car) Okay, good. Listen, tell Rigsby Teresa needs his help. Me? I'm at the Eagle Pine Lodge off Route 6. Jane: Okay. She puts her phone in her pocket but she doesn't close it Lisbon: Kyle, let's stay calm and think this through. Kyle: Think what through? Lisbon: I really don't want to shoot you, but I do have to take you into custody for killing Kara Palmer. What are we gonna do about that? Kyle: It's not like I set out to hurt anyone. I just wanted to talk to Nicole. Lisbon: Before she ran off and got married? Kyle: I've noticed her around town for a long time. I didn't want her marrying that guy Jason. she's too good for him. Lisbon: Please, Kyle, I really and truly do not want to hurt you. Kyle: You like your chances, do you? They take out guns and shoot Jane: Uh, Lisbon? Lisbon? Lisbon! Lisbon: Shh! Jane: You all right? Lisbon: Yeah. Did you call Rigsby? Jane: Yeah, he's on his way. Listen, I have an idea. She send his phone in middle of piece Jane: Lisbon, be careful! Kyle shoots twice. But Lisbon approaches. So he goes outside the cabin and Lisbon holds his gun on him. Lisbon: Drop it! Rigsby arrives Rigsby: Really drop it. On your knees. Hands, come on. Let's go. come on. Sheriff's Office Cho: Nice work, Jane. Nicole: I was hoping I'd find you here. Jane: Yeah, we're, uh, we're just about to hit the road. She takes him in her arms Nicole: Thank you. Jane: It's okay. You know, uh, eventually you'll start to remember the good things. Nicole: Yeah. Nicole's father (to Lisbon): It goes without saying... Lisbon: You're welcome. Nicole's father (to his daughter): You ready to go? Lisbon: Good-bye. Nicole: Bye. They leave Lisbon: Hey, can you believe he fellah for that old cell phone gag? Jane: "old cell phone gag"? I invented that right there and then... rather brilliantly, I thought. Lisbon: Oh, please. I've seen that done a dozen times. Jane: What do you mean? Where? Lisbon: On TV. Jane: Oh, on TV. Well, anything can happen on TV. (They are coming in the car) The question is, where have you seen that done in real life?

When a bloodstained car connected to two missing girls (Nicole Gilbert and her best friend Kara Palmer) is found abandoned off a local interstate along an isolated lumber town, CBI is called in to help. Upon arrival, Jane locates Kara stabbed to death under the car, but Nicole is nowhere to be found. After searching for her, Nicole turns up at a gas station, covered in blood and holding the murder weapon but has no recollection of what happened. Could she have killed her best friend? Jane, seemingly convinced Nicole is innocent and her memory is just blocked, engineers a situation in which Nicole must relive the terrifying evening. As her memories return and as she helps Jane identify the killer, Lisbon finds herself unintentionally facing him as well, alone.

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MUSIC IN: EXT. WOODS - NIGHT GRANT: It's called "Shroomsville" because some of the guys think these reeds look like little mushrooms. MINA: Or they were on mushrooms. (MARINES WALK INTO CLEARING) GRANT: Hey! BROOKS: You're not supposed to be lighting fires out here. It's against base rules. Let's go, kids. Let's go home. You too, miss. Let's go! Last one out has to douse the fire. (BROOKS PULLS ON LEG/ STUMBLES) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Ooh, yeah, baby! Come on. Oooh. Come on, come on. Oh, yikes. ZIVA: I'm trying to concentrate. TONY: That makes two of us, then, doesn't it, Ziva? ZIVA: Is it work-related? TONY: Of course it's work-related, Ziva. MCGEE: (READS) Judge My Tush-dot-Com? TONY: Hey, a little privacy here, Probie! ZIVA: I give it a four. MCGEE: Are you kidding? Four?! ZIVA: Out of five, I think that's good. Isn't it? MCGEE: Out of five. TONY: What do you think about this one? Come on. Come on. ZIVA: (OVERLAP) No. I will not get involved with this any further. Gibbs always seems to be just around the corner. No. No! No! TONY: (OVERLAP) Come on. Give me a little here. Give me a little something. Come on! What do you think? Rate it. ZIVA: Fine. A two. TONY: A two?? MCGEE: Ha ha!` TONY: A two? GIBBS: What's a two, DiNozzo? TONY: I was just explaining the rules to Ziva, Boss. GIBBS: And number two is what? TONY: You know, I was a little fuzzy on two. GIBBS: Grab your gear. We're going to Quantico. (TONY AND ZIVA BUMP INTO EACH OTHER) TONY: Two. ZIVA: I took three points off for excessive hair. TONY: I don't have - that's a five. ZIVA: (LAUGHS) If you shave. TONY: Shave... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. WOODS - DAY BROOKS: Marines run tactics through these woods every day, Sir. GIBBS: What time yesterday? BROOKS: Nineteen hundred. TONY: Ducky, where's Jimmy? DUCKY: Having a root canal. Allow me. ZIVA: Thank you.(SFX: BRANCH WHIPS BACKWARDS) MCGEE: Thank you. DUCKY: Oh, watch your step. ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) Toda. (Thank you.) DUCKY: (IN HEBREW) Al lo davar. (You're welcome) (IN ENGLISH) Oh, let me give you a hand. ZIVA: No, no, no. It's lovely that chivalry is not dead, Doctor. But in the Army, I swam three miles across the Red Sea after scaling rough cliffs without safety lines. I believe I can manage. Oh! DUCKY: Ah!(F/X: ZIVA SLIPS ON THE ROCKS) (SFX: WATER SPLASH) DUCKY: How refreshing. An independent woman.(SFX: LAUGHTER) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLEARING - DAY BROOKS: They were under this bush here, until I...uh... moved one to here. GIBBS: The teenagers? BROOKS: Said they never noticed the legs. GIBBS: Tony, shoot. Ziva, bag and tag. McGee, samples. MCGEE: Got it. DUCKY: Well, I'm afraid a liver temp is out of the question. GIBBS: Well, talk to me, Duck. DUCKY: It's very strange. The marbling on the skin indicates advanced decomposition. But the complete lack of insect activity on the moist area of the open thigh indicates a cessation of decay. GIBBS: Any idea how long? DUCKY: Well, the muscles have gone through all three stages of rigor mortis, so that gives us at least forty eight hours. But Jethro, the leg is in pristine condition, apparently untouched by air, water, soil or insect. GIBBS: Frozen? DUCKY: Mm-mm. No ice crystals. GIBBS: Basement? DUCKY: Well, if that's the case, we are dealing with a dark soul.... one who kills, cuts and keeps. (CAMERA ANGLE ON TONY AND ZIVA) TONY: That's trash. ZIVA: I think I know what I'm doing by now. TONY: Well, MREs and paint pellets say training area to me. ZIVA: No one has ever been killed during training? MCGEE: You know, my forensic instructor back at FLET-C - he once planted a pregnancy test at a crime scene to test us. TONY: That's nice, Probie. But in my years as an investigator, I've learned that trash indigenous to an area is not worth collecting. ZIVA: What if because I did not bag and tag this trash, I happened to miss this? The finger of a rubber glove. TONY: I didn't say don't look under indigenous stuff. ZIVA: I think we're almost done here, Gibbs. GIBBS: No, I don't think so. I want every paper, projectile, stomped-on leaf within a ten-foot radius of both legs. (SFX: ZIVA GIGGLES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: I'll bet Tony made some unseemly comment about these legs, didn't he? DUCKY: Why would he do that, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: I just mean... knowing Tony... ah... they're fairly shapely legs, Doctor. DUCKY: Yes, nobody had the bad taste to verbalize such a thought until now. Now that you've come to mention it, they do look remarkably similar to Betty Grable's. JIMMY: Betty? GIBBS: One of the all time pin-up gals in the Forties. DUCKY: Yeah, great gams. JIMMY: Gams? DUCKY: Aren't you a little young to remember Betty Grable, Jethro? GIBBS: My dad had her painted on the nose of his P-Fifty-One, Duck. JIMMY: A P-Fifty-One? DUCKY: Up to Abby. Quick as you can. JIMMY: Yes, Doctor. GIBBS: What do we know about our Jane Doe? DUCKY: She was young. Look at her femur here. It's one of the last bones in the body to develop fully. In the female, growth is complete around age twenty five. I'd say our victim was between nineteen and twenty one. GIBBS: I.D.? DUCKY: Without a toe print database, I'm afraid we'll just have to rely on good old DNA. GIBBS: What about the splotch on her calf, Duck? DUCKY: Blood. I'd say the assailant's. It's on it's way up to Abby's mass spectrometer. GIBBS: Couldn't be hers? DUCKY: It could be. But she was dead long before she was dissected. Blood no longer pulsed through her veins, when, what I would guess was a surgical saw, severed her thighs from her torso. Look, see how my glove sticks here? Also headed up to the mass spectrometer. Yes, but take a look at this. GIBBS: Skin's been removed. DUCKY: Yes. A meticulously cut circle. GIBBS: Strange keepsake. DUCKY: Actually, I think it was the killer trying to remove his marks. GIBBS: Like all s*x killers after Bundy? DUCKY: Yes, after Theodore Bundy was identified and caught by his crooked lower teeth, sadistic biters have been forced to excise their evidence. You know, I think I might be able to get an impression of teeth from the underlying damaged tissue. GIBBS: You could get me a bite mark? DUCKY: Worth a try. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JIMMY: I have some samples for Abby. CHIP: Well, that's convenient because I'm Abby's assistant. JIMMY: I just wanted to say hi. I haven't seen her in a while. CHIP: She's really busy right now. JIMMY: It'll only take a minute. CHIP: You haven't been an assistant for very long, have you? JIMMY: Longer than you. CHIP: We'll see about that. JIMMY: That doesn't make any sense, Chip. CHIP: It's Charles. Charles.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INNER LAB - DAY ABBY: It's an evidence showcase showdown, Chip. What do you prefer? Possible prints, sticky stuff, or name that blood? CHIP: Uh... well, I aced serology. I was a dilettante with fingerprint identification... so ... ABBY: Name the sticky stuff for a hundred, Chip. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: For a Caucasian female, a factor of two point nine oh is multiplied by the tibia length. MCGEE: Okay, autopsy report says tibia is thirty eight point three four centimeters. TONY: What are you doing? MCGEE: We are calculating our Jane Doe's probable height and weight. TONY: Why didn't you ask me? ZIVA: Tony, these are complex equations we're dealing with. TONY: Whatever. She was what - five eight. So she's like a hundred and twenty five, hundred twenty six pounds. (INTO PHONE) Hey... MCGEE: Okay. One eleven point one eight six for adipose. Density of musculature... ZIVA: Let's add sixty one point five three. MCGEE: One seventy two point seven two centimeters for height. ZIVA: Ducky estimates fifty seven point zero eight kilograms in weight. MCGEE: Converting to imperial... and we're done.(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) ZIVA: She's five foot eight. MCGEE: One twenty five and a half pounds? TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hold on a second. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT ABBY: You're grumbling. CHIP: Well, I know. I can't read Ziva's writing. ABBY: It looks perfectly clear to me. You've got to loosen up, Chip. Evidence is fun. Fun. You know, fun? Fun, Chip! You're a tough case, Chip. CHIP: Yeah, I know. ABBY: Gibbs!! All this evidence and a CAFF-POW! Is it my birthday? GIBBS: Pretend it's mine. ABBY: Okay, here's what I have for you. The blood on the calf is different from the victim's. I sent both off for processing. But here's your real gift. I found a smudged print on the tip of the glove finger and clarified it into a partial print. Happy birthday. GIBBS: Get a match? ABBY: It's running through AFIS now. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) ABBY: Whoa. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT TONY: I must have ripped a glove at the scene, Boss. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) TONY: Like I was saying, I must've ripped a glove at the crime scene sometime before yesterday. GIBBS: When was the last time you worked a crime scene at Quantico? TONY: Napalitano case, Boss. ABBY: The computer only found three points from your fingerprint to the sample. Most prosecutors want eleven. CHIP: Well, technically, Abby, the minimum to go to court is one. (BEAT) Well, I'm just saying that, you know, people have been convicted on less. TONY: Well, that's great, Chipper. Team player. ABBY: I'm going to redo this by hand. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) TONY: You set this up, didn't you? ZIVA: I would never....okay, maybe I would, but I didn't. ABBY: It matches Tony. GIBBS: Put a rush on those blood samples. ABBY: I did. But it's a sixteen hour turnaround. GIBBS: Make it twelve. (TO TONY) When's the last time you were at the dentist? (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: (MUFFLED) Cooon't yooo haaa uuuued my een-al ray-corss? (Couldn't you have used my dental records?) DUCKY: Hold still. This is far faster and more accurate than your x-rays. TONY: You're not known for your bedside manner, are you there, Duck? DUCKY: You're just upset that I didn't have peppermint. McGee. ABBY: Here's Tony! (F/X: COMPUTER IMAGES ON SCREEN) ABBY: The program uses laser scans of three-D objects to create three-D images for comparison. CHIP: Computer generated hollow volume overlay. Measures inter-tooth spacing, dental arch, tooth thickness. TONY: All right, enough of the geek speak. ABBY: Here's Ducky's muscle tissue scan. A little three-d magic for clarity. And I give you... the killer's incisors. Next step... and don't worry, Tony, the chances of even one of your teeth matching are like a hundred thousand to one. GIBBS: Do it, Abby. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/IMAGES FLASH ON THE SCREEN) (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY SHEPARD: Jethro, I know DiNozzo didn't do this. But I also know that it would be political suicide if we got caught investigating one of our own agents. Appearances matter, Jethro. In this world, sometimes more than facts. It could ruin the Agency. Look at Robert Novak and the CIA. You have a responsibility to your man, I know that. But I have a responsibility to the entire agency. GIBBS: Jen... SHEPARD: I'm not forgetting the time I stepped in it and you covered my ass until I could get out of it, but that was alone, undercover, and in the field. Half of NCIS already knows about this. I know what you have to do, Jethro, and I won't stop you. But officially, I am suspending you from investigating this further, and I am turning it over to the FBI. GIBBS: I know. One request. SHEPARD: I'll see that Fornell runs the investigation. I always could read your mind. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES) GIBBS: Not always, Jen. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. LANDING - DAY ABBY: Still waiting on Jane Doe's DNA. MCGEE: Corporal at Quantico said that there were no missing female dependents or U.A. Marines. GIBBS: Try the base hospital. ZIVA: I checked missing persons for Maryland, Virginia, and D.C. There were a few similar descriptions. Their DNA is headed over now. GIBBS: David Brant. BRANT: Gibbs. GIBBS: I heard you were quitting. BRANT: I like to refer to it as a lateral move into the recreational sector, Jethro. GIBBS: I wish you luck with that. ZIVA: Lateral move into the recreational sector? GIBBS: Yeah, it mostly means fishing and hitting a golf ball. DiNozzo? TONY: Yeah, Boss. GIBBS: What are you doing? TONY: Somebody's setting me up. GIBBS: Two surgically-removed legs dumped into a training area. Do you think? TONY: Yeah, I was trying to think of arrestees with grudges. ZIVA: Wouldn't they all have grudges? TONY: You see my dilemma. MCGEE: Mike Macaluso? GIBBS: He's the Mafia boss Tony busted in Baltimore. TONY: They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop. ABBY: What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired? TONY: I didn't arrest him, Abby. ABBY: Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off. MCGEE: Forensic tech set a killer free when he contaminated some blood samples. Tony reported him. TONY: Good old George Stewart. MCGEE: You know, maybe you should expand the list just to include people that just hate you. TONY: Hate me? Nobody hates me. MCGEE: Paula Cassidy? TONY: Don't go there. People like me. I'm a nice guy. MCGEE: What about the woman who posted your picture on the herpes alert website? TONY: Lieutenant Pam Kim. ABBY: She so went Fatal Attraction on you. TONY: Boiled the bunny. MCGEE: Oh, don't forget about Mrs. Dean. ZIVA: Another girlfriend? MCGEE: No, she threatened to cut off his... when Tony put her husband away for murdering his first wife. ZIVA: Speaking about wives. What about your ex-girlfriend, Monica? TONY: I always break up with them when I find out they're married, Ziva. Okay, all right. Thank you all, but I think that's enough. ZIVA: The personnel in the evidence garage? TONY: What about them? ZIVA: They hate you. MCGEE: She's right. You never wait your turn to check in evidence. ZIVA: And women don't appreciate being called "baggie bunnies." GIBBS: They're right, DiNozzo. Eight years. Three different forces. TONY: That's a lot of names and people to remember, Boss. GIBBS: Ziva, take the women. McGee, you take the men. I'll pull the case files of the ones DiNozzo put away who aren't on the list. TONY: Wait a minute, you never do anything. (SFX: GIBBS SLAPS TONY) TONY: Because you're such a good delegator. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: Oh, this is not good. (FORNELL AND THE AGENTS WALK INTO THE LAB) FORNELL: Gibbs. DiNozzo. This is Special Agent Sacks. GIBBS: He's being framed. FORNELL: I believe you. I've been there myself, Jethro. I'll take care of him. GIBBS: I know, but I want to be kept in the loop. FORNELL: Oh, now I'm hurt. Are you saying you don't trust me? GIBBS: Whoever set this up, Tobias, is a pro. If this were to go to court right now, DiNozzo would not stand a chance. FORNELL: Well, I've got to take him into custody for questioning. Or, I guess, we could question him here. GIBBS: Tony, Fornell's going to question you. TONY: You mean interrogate me. GIBBS: Question. Lie down. SACKS: After we talk to Agent DiNozzo, we'll need to requisition any evidence involved in the case. (TONY/FORNELL WALK O.S.) GIBBS: Are we covered on evidence? MCGEE: I'll just need a few hours to copy the data from Tony's hard drive, cell phone and... ABBY: I'll make duplicates of all... GIBBS: Have Ducky do the same. ZIVA: What can I do? GIBBS: Help. Help Abby. Help McGee. Help Ducky. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM SACKS: Where were you Tuesday night between oh nine hundred and oh three hundred the next morning? TONY: Hm.... um.... um.... would that be Zulu time? SACKS: Just run through your night. TONY: Okay. (BEAT) Oh, out loud. Right. I worked until seven, went for a run, drove home. Spent the night alone. Which, I know, is unusual. But it was a school night, and I wanted to watch Magnum. SACKS: What was it about? TONY: Ah-ha. The old checking-the-plot ploy. You're good, Agent Sacks. Very good. It's my favorite Magnum. It's the one where he finds himself adrift at sea after a boating accident and vividly relives his father's death during the Korean War. SACKS: I'm going to go out on a limb here. You think you were framed. TONY: Now we're getting somewhere. SACKS: And who do you think it was who framed you? TONY: Well, any one of a hundred people maybe. I have a list if you're interested. SACKS: Do you realize the kind of trouble you're in here, DiNozzo? TONY: TONY: Oh, believe me. I do. Do you realize that you have an enormous clump of something green between your teeth? It's right there. What is it about women? Is it the way they smell or the beguiling smiles? The whispers? The secrets? (CONT.) The way they tip toe around in those little ridiculous shoes? And the way they fit their tiny little bodies into those tiny little outfits. SACKS: You're wasting my time. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY FORNELL: Take it easy. SACKS: This guy is implicated in a homicide and he's making jokes. FORNELL: You've never worked with NCIS before, have you, Agent Sacks? SACKS: A Federal Agent suspected of crimes doesn't get special treatment in my book. FORNELL: It's getting late. We should collect the evidence. SACKS: We have to arrest him, Fornell. Bite marks don't lie, and this guy can't stop. FORNELL: I'll think about it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY (SFX: TONY BANGS RHYTHMICALLY ON THE TABLE) (INTERCUT SCENES OF LAB EXPERIMENTS OVER RHYTHMIC BEATING B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY FORNELL: The U.S. Attorney's going to see this as a heinous crime, Jethro. GIBBS: It is a heinous crime, Fornell. Tony didn't do it. FORNELL: Without an alibi, I'd be remiss if we didn't detain him. People are going to think we're orchestrating a cover-up. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS) TONY: Finally! How'd I do? GIBBS: Fine. TONY: Fine? I thought I was Oscar material. GIBBS: Fornell's not going to book you. TONY: Uh-huh. GIBBS: But he is going to take you into custody until we figure out a few things. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Are you all right? ABBY: I must have screwed up, Gibbs. GIBBS: You didn't screw up, Abs. ABBY: And now I have all this evidence. Forensics. The thing that I love and I believe in. And it says Tony's a murderer. GIBBS: Tony's not a murderer. ABBY: I know he isn't. But something's gotta give. I mean, either the forensics are wrong or it's bad forensics! Or... we have to save him, Gibbs. GIBBS: We will. ABBY: Because is this goes to court with his fingerprint and his bite mark on the leg, Tony's going to prison for the rest of his life. And I'll be the one that put him there. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. DETENTION CENTER - DAY TONY: TONY: I smelled you coming, Boss. Pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese, right? My favorite. Thanks. I'll save that for later. You know, I've been thinking. I'm a federal prosecutor's dream. "You do tend to date a lot, don't you, Mister DiNozzo?" "Yeah. I do tend to date a lot but where does it say that dating, you know, a new girl every week is a crime?" "No, it's not. But it does speak to your deep-seated psychological problems and commitment issues." "Really? So you're saying my intimacy issues stem from my mother who dressed me as a sailor until I was ten years old?!" "Maybe! Well, I guess it might explain why you objectify women and treat them as sexual objects. While you're being so forthright and insightful, Mister DiNozzo, why did you sink your teeth into the victim's leg?" "Because I'm angry, and I'm immature and I like control!" "You have no alibi." "Alibi? How can I have an alibi when the murder doesn't even have a (CONT'G) time or a date?" "That's interesting. What about means? Latex glove? Scalpel? You could have gotten these things from ....work. No?" "Right. Of course. Yes, I ripped a glove at the scene. It seems a little sloppy for a Federal agent who investigates crime scenes but, you know, those are the breaks when you're a homicidal maniac dumping butchered women's remains out in the woods in the middle of the night! Right?!" I'm not getting out of this one, am I, Boss? (SFX: GIBBS HITS TONY) TONY: Thank you, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (TYPING FX) ZIVA: Mike Macaluso. Still in jail. My sources say, his family is very happy about it. MCGEE: How is it you've been in this country only a couple months, and you already have sources? ZIVA: Who says my sources are from this country, McGee? MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Yes, hi. Killed in prison? I'm very sorry for your loss. No, you'll have to take that up with ICE. (TO GIBBS) Dead. GIBBS: Where are we? MCGEE: Head of my suspects list is George Stewart. The forensic tech Tony got fired from Baltimore P.D. Lost everything when Tony accused him of contaminating blood samples in oh-two. GIBBS: Define everything. MCGEE: Wife, house, kids. Fought the firing in court and he won but by then no one would hire him. Disappeared two years ago. GIBBS: How'd he win? MCGEE: Don't know. George Stewart versus Baltimore P.D. was sealed. GIBBS: Un-disappear him. MCGEE: Right. ZIVA: Lieutenant Pam Kim. Surgical nurse. Fully capable of slicing off the woman's legs. Met Tony on the Jeremy Davison serial rapist case. GIBBS: At Quantico. MCGEE: She's the one that egged Tony's car. ZIVA: Really? GIBBS: Where is she now? ZIVA: Virginia. Returned two weeks ago from a tour in Iraq. She's on her honeymoon at the Greenbriar. MCGEE: Who'd she marry? ZIVA: Scott Sparks. MCGEE: Boss, that's the guy that she was engaged to when she met Tony. GIBBS: Get her in here. ZIVA: On it. MCGEE: Uh.... Boss? GIBBS: Uh-huh. MCGEE: I was thinking, she's... she's on her honeymoon. GIBBS: Yeah? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM KIM: Ever heard of coitus interruptus, Special Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Nope. KIM: Ever been on a honeymoon? GIBBS: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM KIM: (FILTERED) Then you know I feel. MCGEE: You mean -- ZIVA: Flagrante delicto. MCGEE: That's... ZIVA: Roman slang for what Tony calls badda-bing badda-boom. KIM: (V.O./FILTERED) Being dragged... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM KIM: ....Into NCIS for interrogation isn't exactly the best way to start a marriage. GIBBS: Is your husband the same guy you dumped for Tony DiNozzo last year? KIM: Look, I had a fling with Tony and I regret every last minute of it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: (FILTERED) Is that why you put him on the herpes website? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY KIM: I got a little emotional. GIBBS: A little emotional was egging his car. Putting him on the herpes website was... KIM: Bitchy. I know. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY ZIVA: What does a woman accomplish by cracking eggs on a man's car? MCGEE: A lot of guys really care about their cars. It's kind of like, "you break my heart, I'll break yours" thing. ZIVA: In Israel, we just shoot men who are untrue. KIM: (V.O./FILTERED) Look. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY KIM: Tony could have turned me in when I was harassing him. He didn't. If anything, I owe him. GIBBS: When were you last at Quantico? KIM: I've been on tour in Iraq for the last eight months. GIBBS: That's not my question. KIM: I checked in with my Command ten days ago before I took leave to get married. Look, if someone brown-bagged Tony's door or torched his car, it wasn't me. GIBBS: Does your husband know about Tony? KIM: Of course he knows, but... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KIM: (FILTERED) Scott's a lawyer. If he has a problem with someone, he sues them. Not... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY KIM: (ON CAMERA) Tony wasn't murdered, was he? GIBBS: No. KIM: Then what is this about? GIBBS: Lieutenant, you can return to your honeymoon, but if I need you... KIM: We'll be at the Greenbrier for another week. (BEAT) And next time, have your agent knock. (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) MCGEE: Boss, do you really not know what coitus interruptus means? GIBBS: Better question. Do you know what it means if you haven't located Stewart? ZIVA: My father used to say... (IN HEBREW) Esh ktana sorefet harbe teerass. GIBBS: Translate. SHEPARD: A little fire burns a great deal of corn. GIBBS: What? SHEPARD: It never really made sense to me either. ZIVA: It loses something in translation. Director. SHEPARD: I saw Lieutenant Kim leave. She have an alibi? GIBBS: No. She framed DiNozzo and I let her go. SHEPARD: So George Stewart is... GIBBS: He's next on my list. SHEPARD: You know, there's no reason to be petulant, Jethro. GIBBS: Hey, the word's pissed, Jen. You know what? You can drop the Director act. We're alone. SHEPARD: You think my job is an act? GIBBS: No, not all of it. Ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill. SHEPARD: So is castration. GIBBS: I wear a cup. (SHEPHARD HANDS GIBBS PAPER) What is this? SHEPARD: George Stewart's alias and work address. I managed to find it between kissing asses. GIBBS: It just proves you should have stayed a field agent. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY CHIP: Ma'am? Abby? ABBY: What? CHIP: I think I found something that might help out Tony. ABBY: Why didn't you say so? CHIP: Maybe not exonerate. But at least place someone else at the crime scene. ABBY: What is it? CHIP: You know the sticky substance found on the victim's ankle? ABBY: Yes. CHIP: Well, I chemically and instrumentally examined it. The material is an adhesive. The same kind found in duct tape or carpet tape. ABBY: How does this help Tony? CHIP: Well, I discovered an anomaly in the adhesive material. A carpet fiber. I used the FTIS and the mass spec to determine its chemical composition. It's a Dupont fiber for a Mustang. ABBY: But Tony drives .... CHIP: I know what Tony drives. But when I tested the stain resistance, it showed the fiber had a coating from a two thousand four Mustang. Tony's Mustang is a sixty six. It couldn't have been his car. ABBY: We have to get a fiber from Tony's car before it gets towed. CHIP: Nice to have you back - Abby. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY ZIVA: George Stewart?(DOOR OPENS) GEORGE: Petrie. I changed it legally. No sailors here.(DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: Any Jane Does? GEORGE: Always got a couple of them. ZIVA: Could we see them? GEORGE: I told you. No sailors here. GIBBS: How do you know, if they're Jane Does? GEORGE: Look, what the hell do you two want? GIBBS: To see your Jane Does. GEORGE: Got a warrant? GIBBS: No, do we need one? GEORGE: Hell, yes. Now get out. GIBBS: Tony DiNozzo. GEORGE: What'd that b*st*rd say about me now? I was exonerated! GIBBS: How were you exonerated? GEORGE: Fourth Circuit Court. It wasn't me that messed up that blood test. I sent it out to a lab. GIBBS: What's the name of the lab? GEORGE: Pemberton Medical Analysis. ZIVA: Sure we can't take a quick look around? GEORGE: Not without a warrant! That's what happened last time. Just a quick look around.... a few questions. Then I'm fired and my life is trashed. Now get out! ZIVA: We'll be back. With a warrant. (BEAT) Psst! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Reasonable doubt can go a long way with a jury, Chip. If this is someone else's carpet fiber that was on that duct tape....hello, frame-up. CHIP: The bite make? I guess you could steal dental records, create your own mold. Make an impression on the leg. ABBY: Keep going. Keep going. CHIP: And the print from the glove. I mean, anyone could have pulled those gloves from our trash. ABBY: Yes! CHIP: Yeah, but how would anyone know which was Tony's? ABBY: Don't blow it, Chip! You're on a roll. CHIP: Sorry. (SFX: RAPID BEEP TONES) ABBY: See what I mean? CHIP: Uh, no. ABBY: The carpet fibers match. Tony must've redone his carpeting. Never have a negative thought when you're on a roll. CHIP: It could have been worse. ABBY: How? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY FORNELL: The blood on the severed leg - DNA came back with a match. GIBBS: It matched DiNozzo.(FORNELL NODS HIS HEAD) (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Ah! What are you doing? MCGEE: I was trying to throw away your CAFF-POW. ABBY: Why? MCGEE: I bought you a fresh one while you were sleeping. ABBY: Sleeping? I can't sleep. I've got to save Tony. What time is it? Six a.m.? I lost two hours. I have been running Jane Doe's DNA everywhere. She's not in CODIS, the Armed Forces, the fertility clinics, rare disease databases. MCGEE: Abby. Abby, it's not your fault. ABBY: Not my fault!? Someone's using forensics to frame Tony and I'm letting him get away with it. MCGEE: You'll find something. ABBY: How!? All the FBI left me was a speck of blood and a carpet fiber. I have to look at this from a new perspective. (BEAT) Your butt's getting bony. MCGEE: Bony? I'll have you know that Ziva rated it a four out of five, okay? ABBY: Bone marrow. There's a national database for bone marrow donors! Why is Ziva rating your butt? MCGEE: Tony started it. ABBY: Don't you blame Tony! He's almost on death row right now! MCGEE: No, no, no. Look, I.... (SFX: RAPID COMPUTER BEEP TONES) ABBY: Jane Doe is Carla Johnson. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY CARLA: You matched my DNA with a pair of disembodied legs? I'd fire whatever lab you're using at NCIS, Agent Gibbs. I assure you they're real and they're mine. GIBBS: Are you a bone marrow donor? CARLA: I volunteered for bone marrow, organs, blood. I believe in sharing my good health. But I draw the line at body parts... at least until I'm dead. ZIVA: We got the DNA match from a bone marrow database. CARLA: I haven't donated any bone marrow yet. I did give blood to an accident victim a couple of weeks ago. She died on the operating table. ZIVA: Did she lose her legs? CARLA: No. Her chest was crushed. GIBBS: Where is her body now? CARLA: Either at our morgue or the State's. She was a Jane Doe. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY CHIP: I can't believe the blood we DNA-tested was someone else's from the transfusion. What are the odds of that? ABBY: The same as this killer getting away with framing Tony. CHIP: Well, the guy is a genius. You've got to give him that. ABBY: Even genii make mistakes. I did. CHIP: What was your mistake? ABBY: Giving up on forensics when I should have looked deeper. CHIP: We already processed that fiber. ABBY: I know that, Chaz-zoid! But the killer picked up this fiber, took it to work, had it in his car, carried it to the woods. There has to be some sign of that guy on this fiber. CHIP: Not if he wore gloves. ABBY: Maybe the gloves have a different residue than NCIS gloves. Maybe he smokes a cigar. Maybe there's cigar residue on the fiber. CHIP: You're testing for cigar smoke? ABBY: For a second, I lost my faith in.... but now I know that forensics was just testing me. And I will rise up and I will find the man that did this to Tony and I will crucify him! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY ZIVA: Is it standard operating procedure for nurses to give transfusions? CARLA: No. We were low on blood and I'm a universal donor. Identifying a pair of legs must be a first. Here it is. Jane Doe was transferred to the Virginia County Coroner's office eight days ago. GIBBS: Who signed for the body? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORONER'S OFFICE - DAY ZIVA: We have a warrant now. GEORGE: For what? I didn't do anything wrong! ZIVA: No? I can think of at least two things. Framing an NCIS Agent for murder. And really, really, really pissing him off. GIBBS: Open it. ZIVA: I strongly recommend you do what he says. (SFX: SLAP) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. REFRIGERATOR - DAY (DOOR OPENS) ZIVA: This explains why Jane Doe's legs were in pristine condition. GEORGE: You think I cut off some girl's legs? ZIVA: Did you? GEORGE: No. Why would I ever do such a thing? ZIVA: I don't know, but if you're going to talk to me, please get a breath mint first. Please! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. JAIL CELL - DAY (SFX: MCGEE PLAYS THE HARMONICA) TONY: Very funny, Probie. MCGEE: Come on, Tony. It's a gift. TONY: From who? The baggie bunnies or Pam Kim? MCGEE: No, actually it's from Chip. TONY: Great. Now I'm getting crap from lab monkeys. MCGEE: Not for much longer. TONY: I knew Boss would get me out of here. What did he find? MCGEE: Well, hopefully the body that goes with those legs. TONY: What do you mean hopefully, Probie? MCGEE: Abby matched the legs that you severed... TONY: (SHOUTS) I didn't sever any legs! MCGEE: Sorry, a slip of the tongue. The legs you supposedly severed were DNA matched to a Carla Johnson who, you are not going to believe this... TONY: I'll believe it if it gets me out of here. MCGEE: She's alive! TONY: With no legs! MCGEE: No, she's got legs. (TONY GRABS MCGEE THROUGH THE BARS) MCGEE: Okay, Tony. TONY: Prison changes a man. MCGEE: Tony, come on, man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. REFRIGERATED ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS LOOKS IN THE BODY BAGS) GEORGE: He's doing it to me again! That b*st*rd DiNozzo set me up! ZIVA: (OVERLAP) You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. JAIL - DAY (SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN) TONY: I never thought I'd say this, but I am so happy to see you, Fornell! FORNELL: That makes one of us, DiNozzo. TONY: Ha! Never even got to do my Cool Hand Luke impersonation either. What we got here is a failure to communicate. MCGEE: Never saw it. TONY: Are you kidding me? Only the greatest chain gang movie of all time. (SFX: FORNELL PLAYS THE HARMONICA B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY CHIP: Oh, they're throwing a little welcome back party for Agent DiNozzo upstairs. ABBY: Go, Chip. I'm not finished here. There is no way that Stewart pulled this off by himself. CHIP: Why not? ABBY: Because I refuse to believe that some alcoholic M.E.'s assistant beat me at my own game. CHIP: Abby, don't you think you're obsessing a little? ABBY: You know what I found in the little fibers, Chippy? Sodium, chloride, potassium, black tape, urea. CHIP: Sweat? ABBY: Exactly. Should be able to pull DNA from that. I've also put a call into Pemberton Medical Analysis; the lab that fired Stewart. He's probably after them, too. CHIP: What can I do to help? ABBY: Stay out of my way. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT TONY: I didn't doubt you for a second, Boss. Well, maybe one second. GIBBS: No, don't thank me. It was all Abby. DUCKY: The poor girl hasn't slept since this entire affair began. TONY: Where is she? ZIVA: She's probably passed on by now. MCGEE: The term is passed out. ZIVA: Whatever. The girl is tired. SHEPARD: I got the court records from Stewart's case against Baltimore unsealed. GIBBS: You're a little late, Jen. Uh... I mean, thank you, Director. SHEPARD: Better, Jethro. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT ABBY: (INTO PHONE) All I'm saying is that you might want to warn the person who actually made the mistake that got Stewart fired. VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Now that-- (SFX: PHONE DISCONNECTS) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Hello? CHIP: It looks like we lost our connection, Abby. ABBY: It was you! You worked at Pemberton Medical Analysis. CHIP: Until I got fired! ABBY: You took this job just to set up Tony? CHIP: Yep. And I did a pretty good job at it, didn't i? Didn't I? (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES/TONY AND CHIP) CHIP: You know, I thought a fair trade would be taking down those two idiots who got me fired!! But you couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?! Could you?! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS) (GIBBS RUNS FROM THE SQUAD ROOM) SHEPARD: Jethro? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT GIBBS: Abby!(SFX: CHIP'S MUFFLED SHOUTS B.G.) ABBY: Now can I work alone? (MUSIC OUT)

A pair of legs are found on a Marine base, and the team is dumbfounded and shellshocked when every piece of evidence in a murder points towards Tony as the prime suspect. In an effort to help their colleague, the team compiles a list of people who may have grudges against Tony, providing them with a long list of suspects. Abby is upset that she may have incriminated Tony through the forensic evidence she provided and refuses to give up until she's proved his innocence.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_04x08

fd_One_Tree_Hill_04x08_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] LUCAS : This is Peyton's brother, Derek. SKILLS : Who'd have guessed that Peyton's brother... was a brother. NICK : I'm your new english teacher... Mr. Chavez. BROOKE : Nick? BROOKE : Well, I don't know who I hate more, Mr. Chavez... you for being a lying b*st*rd or me for believing your crap. GIGI : I'm gonna ask you out. MOUTH : Like on a date? GIGI : Just wanted to let you know. LUCAS : There's nothing going on between me and Peyton. BROOKE : And there's nothing going on between us, either, so why are you still here? LUCAS : Give me your hand. I'm gonna get her back. You can't help who you love, Peyton. HALEY : I want to go to Duke with you. NATHAN : Oh, Haley. NATHAN : Daunte, I don't have your money yet. DAUNTE : I could forget the amount. The Ravens are favored to win by 10 points tonight. NATHAN : We're a lock to win by a lot more than that. DAUNTE : Well, not if you want your debt to go away. MOUTH : The Ravens have won by 9! They're heading to the state championship! NATHAN : I wanted to say thanks. I know how hard it was for you to throw those points away. LUCAS : You know I'll always be there for you... but never again. RIVERCOURT Nathan is playing alone when he receives a visit from Daunte and Bear NATHAN : There's no reason you guys should be here anymore. We're done. DAUNTE : Hear that, Bear? The kid says we're done. Maybe we should leave. NATHAN : I made sure that we won by less than 10 points. That was the deal. DAUNTE : Yeah. Well, I thought about it. I think I'm gonna extend our partnership. NATHAN : What are you talking about? DAUNTE : State championship... a lot of people think we're gonna win tomorrow night. NATHAN : Those people are right. DAUNTE : No, they're not. NATHAN : I'm not gonna lose that game. DAUNTE : Think about next year, Nate. You're gonna be a Duke Blue Devil, get to play on TV. Wonder what Duke would do if they found out that their star recruit shaved some points in a high school basketball game. NATHAN : Like anybody would believe you. DAUNTE : I got proof. Your last game was your worst game of the year. Eight turnovers? You missed three lay-ups in the fourth quarter. Even Bear thought that was a bit much. All it takes is a whisper, and your future's over. Would you risk your future and the future of your pretty little wife for a meaningless trophy? (Nathan doesn't answer) DAUNTE : Yeah. That's right. Think it over. I'm sure you'll do the right thing. (Daunte and Bear leave) OUTSIDE RACHEL'S HOUSE Rachel goes get the mail and find a mid-term report. It looks like she got an F in calculus RACHEL : F... Mean... LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is packing his school bag when it knocks at the door. It's Brooke BROOKE : Hey, stranger. LUCAS : Hey. Brooke, what are you doing here? BROOKE : I thought maybe we could ride to school together. (Lucas just stand there, looks surprise) BROOKE : You gonna invite me in? LUCAS : Yeah. Yeah. Come on in. Sorry. (She comes in, Lucas closes the door, still surprises) BROOKE : Lucas, I miss you. (Lucas sighs) BROOKE : Okay, I guess I thought you were gonna say you miss me, too. LUCAS : Oh. Brooke, of course I miss you. I'm just a little confused. You show up on my doorstep out of the blue after ignoring me for the past month. BROOKE : I've just been thinking a lot about you and us, and I thought that was enough. LUCAS : Brooke, I... I don't know. BROOKE : Because of Peyton? LUCAS : You're never gonna let that go, are you? For the last time, Peyton and I are just friends, okay? (Peyton enters the room, brushing her teeth) BROOKE : "Just friends"? Well, at least you're enjoying the benefits. (Brooke leaves the room) LUCAS : It... (Brooke slams the door) ONE TREE HILL CREDITS INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Peyton arrives at school and walks by Lucas LUCAS : Cutting it kind of close, huh? PEYTON : I overslept. LUCAS : No, you didn't. Are you forgetting? We sleep in the same bed. PEYTON : I know one person that's not gonna forget it anytime soon. LUCAS : Oh... Brooke. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. That must have been really weird for you. PEYTON : It's okay. I actually have bigger news to report. They caught him... Derek, or whatever his name is. He's in jail. It's over. (Lucas hugs Peyton) LUCAS : Oh, my god. Oh, that's great, Peyton. PEYTON : Thanks. LUCAS : Hey look, you can, uh, sleep in your own bed now, huh? PEYTON : Lucky me. Why did Brooke come over this morning... some kind of morning-dew booty call? LUCAS : She said she misses me. PEYTON : Do you want her to miss you? LUCAS : I don't know. PEYTON : Look, I know you can take care of yourself. Just be careful, okay? Rachel joins Brooke at her locker RACHEL : What happened to you this morning? BROOKE : I... kind of went to see Lucas. RACHEL : Should have seen that coming. BROOKE : Should have seen what coming? RACHEL : Well, it's obvious that you're rebounding from Nick. It's perfectly normal to want to re-tap an old keg after a breakup. BROOKE : That is not what this is about, and I don't even like beer. I'm just worried that I might have screwed up a good thing. You know, I do miss him. What if I made a mistake? RACHEL : Trust me, Brooke. You didn't. BROOKE : How I am supposed to be sure? What if I only broke up with him because I was mad at Peyton? RACHEL : What if you just realized you didn't love him anymore? (Brooke sighs. They start walking) RACHEL : Okay, look... what you need to do is focus. You are organizing tonight's basketball awards banquet. BROOKE : I can't wait to get out of here. I'm so excited graduation's coming. RACHEL : Yeah, for some of us. BROOKE : Hey, don't forget that you promised to help me decorate for the banquet today. RACHEL : Yeah, remind me to quit making drunken promises. I'll meet you there after school. I got to deal with something. BROOKE : Okay (Rachel walks by Mouth when leaving) RACHEL : Hi, Mouth. Bye, Mouth. MOUTH : Hey, Rachel. (Gigi joins Mouth and squeeze his butt. Brooke sees it and smiles) MOUTH : Gigi, hi. Didn't see you coming. GIGI : I'm sneaky like that. MOUTH : Good to know. GIGI : I just wanted to tell you I had a great time on our date. MOUTH : So did I. It was definitely not boring. GIGI : Walk me to class? MOUTH : Yeah. (Mouth take her hand and they start walking) Nathan arrives at Whitey's office NATHAN : You wanted to see me, coach? WHITEY : Yeah. Come on in, Nathan. Have a seat. I just wanted to tell you that, uh, you're getting the most valuable player trophy at tonight's banquet. I'd like to ask Lucas to present it to you. NATHAN : Okay. WHITEY : I also found out the alumni are giving me some kind of a lifetime-achievement thing. NATHAN : Coach, that's great. You deserve it. WHITEY : I don't know. "Lifetime achievement"? Sounds like an obituary to me. It still hasn't sunk in that... tomorrow night's game is the last one I'll ever coach. NATHAN : Yeah. WHITEY : Can you keep a secret? I really want this championship. In the tutor center, a teacher is talking with a tutor. Rachel is watching from behind the door. TEACHER : Here, take Mr. Kelly's english quiz down to the tutor center and file it. Then bring me back my key, okay? Thanks. (The teacher sees Rachel) TEACHER : Miss Gatina? A little early for you to be at school, isn't it? RACHEL : Kind of. Um, quick question... if someone was failing calculus this late in the year, what would that mean? TEACHER : Well, calculus is a part of the school's core curriculum. So if one were to fail it, that student would not graduate with their class. RACHEL : That's what I thought. Thanks. (Rachel starts leaving) TEACHER : Can I give you some advice, Rachel? It's no secret you flirt your way through high school. You're a pretty girl, and you can bluff a lot of people. But you can't bluff math. Study for your final, okay? And graduate with your friends. THE CAF Haley is working HALEY (shoving a customer) : Oh, I'm sorry. (Nathan walks in) NATHAN : You know, some people actually eat lunch during their lunch break. HALEY : Well, good for them. Unfortunately, we need money. I just figured I'd pick up a few extra shifts at the caf . It might give us some extra breathing room. Check this out. (Haley shows him a $100 bill) NATHAN : What is this? HALEY : Breathing room. NATHAN : You made all this today? HALEY : Yeah, on one table. That's them leaving now. Hey, guys! Please come again. (It's Daunte and Bear) DAUNTE : Count on it. NATHAN : Hey, uh, I'll see you back at school, okay? (He kiss her and leaves) HALEY : Okay. See ya. IN A SMALL ALLEE Daunte and Bear are walking and talking, Nathan arrives behind them NATHAN : Hey! This is over! Stay away from me, stay away from my wife, and forget about the state championship. It's not gonna happen. You can tell Duke whatever you want. Now we're done. DAUNTE : You really think all we're gonna do is tell Duke? BEAR : Come here! (Bear grabs him and push Nathan to the wall while Daunte grabs a steel bar) NATHAN : What?! No! Aah! DAUNTE : You want to mess around, huh?! DAUNTE (to Bear) : Hold his leg up! NATHAN : Wait! No! DAUNTE : Say goodbye to basketball! You won't play anywhere. Hell, you'll be lucky to walk again. It didn't have to come to this. (Daunte fakes hitting his leg with the bar) DAUNTE : Here's my final tip to you. Lose that game! (Daunte and Bear leave) PEYTON'S BEDROOM Peyton is sitting on her bed, eating lunch and thinking, while Derek is painting her room DEREK : You sure about the color? 'Cause this is starting to look like that scene in "The Shining" with those creepy little twins. (Peyton doesn't answer) DEREK : Oh, am I boring you? Just say the word, and I can stop painting your room. PEYTON : I'm sorry. I'm just dealing with some stupid high school boy drama. DEREK : Lucas, huh? PEYTON : Is it that obvious? DEREK : Only to everyone. PEYTON : Everyone except Lucas. DEREK : So make it obvious to him. I don't understand why you're so afraid of your own feelings. PEYTON : Well, those feelings are what destroyed my friendship with Brooke. And I don't want to lose Lucas, too. DEREK : What have I been trying to teach you? You can't live in fear. Life is about taking risks, not being afraid to go after what you want. PEYTON : I'm just not sure this is the right time. DEREK : It never is. That's why it's called a risk. You got that banquet tonight. Ask him to go with you. PEYTON : Maybe I should. Look, I got to get back to school. But the room really is looking so much better. DEREK : I'll tell you what... I'll promise to have this room done by the time you get home if you promise to take a risk today. Deal? PEYTON : Okay. Deal. DEREK : All right. No fear! INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Nathan comes back to school and walks by Lucas LUCAS : Hey, Nathan. NATHAN : Luke, not now, okay? I'm not in the mood. LUCAS : Look, Whitey asked me to present you with the MVP award at tonight's banquet. NATHAN : If you have a problem with that, just say no. LUCAS : No, I'll do it, but before I do, I need to know if I'm presenting Nathan Scott the MVP or Nathan Scott the point shaver. NATHAN : Lucas, I don't need another lecture, okay? I didn't ask you to miss those free throws. If you don't want to give me the stupid award, then just don't. LUCAS : You told me this was over, Nathan. Just promise me that it is. (Nathan doesn't answer and leave) OUTSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Brooke is walking with a to go box in her hand and stops in front of Peyton BROOKE : Peyton, I brought you something. Thought you could use it. (She gives Peyton the box who open it. It's empty) PEYTON : Am I missing something? BROOKE : It's a to-go box... you know, since you're screwing my leftovers. PEYTON : Really, Brooke? You seriously went through the trouble of bringing me an actual to-go box? BROOKE : At least you're a dedicated bitch. PEYTON : Says the dedicated slut. For the record, I'm not screwing Lucas. I know you have trouble comprehending two people in bed together actually just sleeping. BROOKE : Remember, Peyton, I gave Lucas to you, and I can take him back whenever I want. PEYTON : Brooke, are you listening to yourself? If you decide to get back with Lucas, you better mean it, 'cause he deserves to be with somebody who loves him. BROOKE : Someone like you? (Brooke leaves her and walk to Lucas) BROOKE : Luke, can I talk to you? LUCAS : Well, that depends. You're gonnna bite my head off ? BROOKE : Uh, sounds like fun, but probably too many people around for that. LUCAS : Look, about this morning... BROOKE : Listen, you don't have to explain. It's none of my business. I shouldn't have interrupted. LUCAS : Well, you weren't interrupting anything. Peyton's been sleeping over 'cause that crazy stalker guy's been missing. But they finally caught him, so she's safe now. BROOKE : So she won't be sleeping over anymore. LUCAS : No. But even if she was, you know, why would you care? BROOKE : Luke, the reason that I came over this morning was to ask if you wanted to go to the banquet with me. LUCAS : You mean, like a date? BROOKE : Or as friends. We should be able to be friends, right? LUCAS : Yeah, I kind of remember asking you that same question once. BROOKE : And you were right, okay? I know that now. So, what do you say? LUCAS : Yeah. I'll go to the banquet with you. BROOKE : Okay. I'll see you later, then. INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Rachel enters the tutor center and finds Haley HALEY : In case you were wondering, the nurse's office is still the best place to treat a venereal disease. RACHEL : That's good to know. Actually, I was looking for you. I need you to tutor me. HALEY : Oh, god, she's serious. RACHEL : I'm failing calculus, and if I don't pass, I won't be able to graduate with my friends. HALEY : Remind me who your friends are again. RACHEL : Look, Haley, I know we've had our differences. HALEY : You think? RACHEL : I've seen what you can do with some of those brain-dead losers at our school, and I'm actually smart. I've just skipped too many classes, and I can't catch up on my own. HALEY : Well, if you're really committed to this, I will be happy to recommend another tutor to you. But I can't help you personally. It's not possible. RACHEL : Oh, I figured you'd be all booked up. HALEY : No, no. I have plenty of time. I just can't stand you. THE CAF Karen is working, Dan arrives KAREN : Five visits in one week... I think you've just become my most loyal customer. What can I get you? DAN : Actually, I came by to see if you were going to the awards banquet tonight. KAREN : Yeah, I wouldn't miss it. DAN : Well, in that case, how about we go together? (Karen seems surprise) DAN : Not as a date... just two people attending the same event, riding in the same car, possibly sitting at the same table. KAREN : Look, Dan, I appreciate everything that you've done for me lately, but I can't. I'm sorry. DAN : No, I understand. I'll see you there. (Dan leaves) INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH Peyton is in front of her locker, Lucas joins her LUCAS : Hey, Sawyer. Thanks for diting me at lunch. PEYTON : Sorry. Derek's repainting my room. I figured the least I could do is keep him company. LUCAS : You two are getting pretty close, huh? PEYTON : Um, I guess so. He's still annoying as hell. He seems to have an opinion about everything. LUCAS : Remind you of anyone? PEYTON : Uh, if you mean you, then, yes... So, look, I was wondering. Do you want to go to the banquet tonight, like, together? LUCAS : I'd love to, Peyton... but I... I don't know. There's some weirdness going on between you and Brooke right now. PEYTON : What does that have to do with us going to the banquet together? LUCAS : I already told Brooke I'd go with her. PEYTON : Oh... LUCAS : I feel bad. It would just be great if we could all go together. PEYTON : No. No. It's... it's cool. Really, it's not a big deal. I just didn't know you two... LUCAS : No, no, no, no. I don't know if we are. I guess I'll find out tonight. Wish me luck. [SCENE_BREAK] THE BANQUET'S ROOM Rachel and Brooke are there for the organization BROOKE : Look at this thing. (They look at some flowers) BROOKE : These are ugly. RACHEL : Yeah, they're pretty ugly. Who cares? BROOKE : I do. I don't want tacky flowers sucking the energy out of the room. RACHEL : Why are you so concerned about this stupid banquet? BROOKE : 'Cause I asked Lucas to go with me. RACHEL : Brooke, what are you thinking? Go sleep with him if you're horny. Don't go to the banquet with him. What you're feeling isn't real. BROOKE : Well, maybe you're wrong. These are wrong. RACHEL : You know what this means, don't you? You have a date for tonight, and I don't. BROOKE : Well, you may not have a date, but you have a seating chart you can help me with. RACHEL : Oh. Well, you've got a problem. Do you realize who you have sitting at this table? BROOKE : I know exactly who I have sitting at that table. RACHEL : Then we are in for a fun night. BROOKE : Yeah. (Mouth arrives) MOUTH : Hey. RACHEL : Oh, Mouth. I need you to be my date for the banquet tonight. I'll pick you up at 6:00. And don't wear the drakkar. MOUTH : Sorry, Rachel, I'm going with Gigi. In fact, um, I better go home and get ready. But the room looks really great, you guys. Those flowers are awesome. BROOKE : Okay, we are losing the flowers. And it looks like you're going solo. Sorry. (Brooke leaves) RACHEL : Or not. (Rachel writes something on the seating chart) PEYTON'S BEDROOM Derek is alone, his cell phone rings DEREK : Hello? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I understand. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. (He hang up, Peyton enters and watch the room, done painting) PEYTON : Are you kidding me? This place looks great! I can't believe you finished. DEREK : Just holding up my end of the bargain. The question is, did you? PEYTON : Yeah. I took a risk. DEREK : Are you gonna leave me hanging? PEYTON : He's going to the banquet with Brooke. DEREK : I'm sorry, Peyton. At least you put yourself out there. I'm proud of you. PEYTON : Thanks. So, I kind of need a favor. Um, will you go with me? And I'm not sure I can handle another "no." DEREK : I'd be honored to. PEYTON : Cool. DEREK : You got a special place for this? (Derek shows her her drawing "People always leave") PEYTON : I used to. I don't think I need it anymore. THE CAF Lucas enters, Haley is there, Karen too LUCAS : Hey. HALEY : Hey! I heard you're presenting Nathan with the MVP award tonight. That's awesome. Do you need a ride? We could swing by and pick you up on our way. LUCAS : Uh, actually, um, I'm going with Brooke. HALEY : Rewind. When did this happen? LUCAS : She asked me today. HALEY : Are you guys back together? LUCAS : You guys think I'm crazy. HALEY : No, I... KAREN : I don't think you're crazy, Luke. I mean, maybe Brooke thinks she's made a mistake. Everybody deserves a second chance. HALEY : I agree. I think you guys are good together. (Lucas laughs) HALEY : Oh, hey... Rachel asked me to tutor her. LUCAS : You're tutoring Rachel? HALEY : Hell, no. I said she asked me. LUCAS : Wait, wait, wait... What happened to second chances? HALEY : Uh, Rachel's had plenty of second chances, and every time, she's proven her true colors. LUCAS : I'm just saying. Look, people make mistakes. But if they're willing to put the past behind them, then maybe we should, too. Right, mom? (Karen is thinking) KAREN : Right. Right. (Karen leaves) OUTSIDE DAN'S HOUSE Karen rings the bell, all dressed up. Dan opens the door KAREN : It's not a date. INSIDE THE BANQUET Dan and Karen arrive, Tim's mom sees them SHARI : Wow! D j vu! Dan Scott and Karen Roe, together again. I hear you're pregnant, too. It is just like our high school prom. KAREN : Shari, is your son Tim even on the basketball team anymore? SHARI : Actually, Timmy is doing really well. He's at a private institution that focuses specifically on each student's strengths and weaknesses. DAN : Just say he's slow, Shari. Inside the room, Mouth walks to his table with Gigi, Rachel is there MOUTH : Rachel, are we at the same table? (Mouth find Rachel's name right beside his) RACHEL : Sort of. MOUTH : I think there's been a mistake. Where's Gigi supposed to sit? RACHEL : Oh, Gigi, I'm sorry. You were a last-minute add, so I had to seat you at another table. GIGI : That's okay, 'cause now I've got the best seat in the house. (Gigi sits on Mouth lap) RACHEL : Let me get you a chair. Peyton arrives with Derek PEYTON : We're at table five. (They walk to their table, where everybody is already there, Lucas, Brooke, Nathan, Haley, Mouth, Gigi and Rachel ) DEREK (whispers to Peyton) : No fear. Later, everybody is seated, nobody is talking. It seems awkward PEYTON : Everyone, for those of you who don't know, this is my brother Derek... the real one. MOUTH : Hey. DEREK : How you doing? NATHAN : Nice to meet you. DEREK :What's up? HALEY : Hey. (Brooke and Peyton look at each other, Brooke doesn't say anything) DEREK : So, guys, is Tree Hill gonna win the state championship this year? LUCAS : I don't know. Hey, Nathan, are we gonna win tomorrow? NATHAN : We're gonna try. (It seems awkward again) PEYTON : Anybody else need a drink? (Gigi raises her hand, Peyton stand up and leave with Derek) BROOKE : Well, he seems nice... Derek. LUCAS : Yeah, he's a good guy. You should really get to know him. BROOKE : What's the point? Besides, tonight's about us, right? Dan and Karen are at their table, watching Nathan and Haley DAN : How's Haley doing? KAREN : She's, uh, grown into a strong woman. I can't believe she's gonna be a mom. It seems like yesterday that she was coming and asking Lucas to come out and play. DAN : You know, they're definitely young. But at least they have each other. Nathan's gonna be a great father. Karen, I realize you have no regrets, but I do. I just need you to know that. Everybody applause as Lucas starts his speech LUCAS : Good evening, everybody. Tonight, I've been asked to present a very important award to a very important person. The most valuable player award honors not only the best player on the court, but also a true leader off the court. An MVP leads a team not only in points or rebounds, but also leads by example. And we are very proud to follow in the footsteps of our leader and our most valuable player, Nathan Scott. (Nathan stand up and goes get his award LUCAS : You're our leader, Nate. NATHAN : I'm, uh, I'm not very good at speeches, so I just wanted to thank my teammates... guys... and, most of all, coach Whitey Durham for, uh, giving me a year that I'll always remember. Thanks, coach. I appreciate. Thanks. Later, Brooke comes to see Haley BROOKE : Hey, proud wifey. HALEY : Hi. Did Nathan look nervous to you at all? BROOKE : Well, he looked like the star of the basketball team. HALEY : Yeah, he did, didn't he? BROOKE : Yeah. Um, okay. Rachel told me she asked you for tutoring help, and you turned her down. HALEY : Yeah. Can you blame me? She's been hitting on Nathan for a month. BROOKE : I know. I know. She has flaws... big ones. But, deep down, I promise you, she's a really good person. HALEY : Oh, my god, you and Lucas with your second chances. I cannot help her! BROOKE : Okay. I'm not saying you have to tutor her. I'm just saying she's been really good to me lately. So think about it, okay? Outside the room, Peyton is sitting alone, Derek joins her DEREK : Hey, private, you hanging in there? PEYTON : Trying my best. Thanks for coming with me tonight. Without you, I would have left a long time ago. DEREK : Peyton, I need to tell you something. My unit is deploying in 24 hours. PEYTON : "Deploying"? I take it that's Marine for you're leaving? DEREK : I leave for assignment tomorrow. PEYTON : How long have you known? DEREK : I got the call today. I was waiting for the right time to tell you. I'm supposed to be back at the base by now. PEYTON : Why aren't you? DEREK : Because my little sister needed me. PEYTON : I guess I should have let you hang that drawing. Inside the room, Principal Turner is making a speech TURNER : As most of you know, tomorrow night is coach Whitey Durham's final game. And to show our appreciation for his dedication and excellence, we present him tonight with a lifetime-achievement award. So, without further ado, I give you your coach, Whitey Durham. (Whitey stand up, as everybody in the assistance, to give his speech) WHITEY : You do realize we have one more game to play. Let me tell you... this award means an awful lot to me. I might have given a lifetime to this team... but the players... the players have given me so much more. You know, basketball was my first love. And, as most of you in here realize, you don't forget your first love. My only regret is that I can't share this wonderful moment with the other love of my life... my late wife, Camilla. Camilla was the only person who ever fully understood me. Being with her made everything else seem less important. The moment I met her, I knew that I was looking at my future. And I knew no person could ever come between us. I know Camilla would have liked this group of boys. I want to thank them. And I want to thank all of you for allowing me... to spend a lifetime with my first love. Thank you. (Whitey is crying) (Nathan goes to see Dan) NATHAN : Dad, I need to talk to you. DAN : Excuse me. OUTSIDE THE BANQUET Dan joins Nathan NATHAN : I'm in trouble, dad. DAN : How bad is it? NATHAN : Bad enough that I need you. I borrowed some money from these guys, and I couldn't pay them back, so... they asked me to shave a few points in the last game. DAN : Tell me you didn't do it. (Nathan doesn't answer) DAN : How could you be so stupid?! NATHAN : I came to you for help! I needed you, and you said no! I didn't have a choice! And now they want me to throw the state championship tomorrow night. You got to help me, dad. DAN : Tell me their names. NATHAN : Daunte and Bear. DAN : Damn it, Nathan. Go back inside. I'll take care of this. (Nathan starts leaving) NATHAN : Dad... I'm sorry. INSIDE THE BANQUET Dan comes back inside to see Karen DAN : I'm sorry, Karen. Something urgent came up. I have to go. KAREN : That's okay. I can find another ride home. DAN : Are you sure? KAREN : Yeah. I'll be fine. It's not like this was a date or anything, remember? DAN : If you say so. (Dan leave) Peyton is pouring some punch, Brooke joins her BROOKE : I just have one question. PEYTON : What, no props? BROOKE : If you're sleeping in Lucas' bed, why haven't you told him how you feel? PEYTON : Brooke, I told you I was not gonna say anything to Lucas until it was over between the two of you. So, yes, if you had moved on, then I probably would have said something by now, but... you haven't dated anybody since Lucas. BROOKE : You had your chance, Peyton. You should have said something. PEYTON : It doesn't matter now, does it? Looks like the two of you are getting back together. BROOKE : I was mad at you when I asked him to come with me tonight. PEYTON : So you invited him out of spite? BROOKE : No, not at first. Now I don't know anymore. (Brooke leave) INSIDE NIGHTCLUB Dan comes to see Daunte and Bear who are with hookers DAUNTE : Mayor Dan Scott. BEAR : Are we sitting at your table, Danny? DAN : I understand you've had a little misunderstanding with my son. Now, we're all businessmen, so, uh, how much is it gonna take to make this all go away? (Dan takes his checkbook) DAN : Take a hike, bitches. BEAR : Daunte? DAUNTE : All right. Go on. Go on. (The hookers leave) DAUNTE : Let me ask you a question, Mr. Mayor. Where the hell do you think you are? Think you can settle this with a checkbook? Unless you're prepared to write a check for all the money that the gamblers stand to win tomorrow night when your son loses... or, rather, your sons. DAN : You don't scare me. You're just a couple of punks. And this is what's gonna happen. You stay away from my son, whether I give you money or not. Do you understand? (Two bodyguards approach the table, Daunte stops them with a sign) DAUNTE : It's awful comforting having so many people close to you, isn't it? For example, your ex-wife, your cute little daughter-in-law... BEAR ; A couple sons. DAUNTE : Oh, and let's not forget Karen Roe and her baby. Be an awful shame if the ground next to your brother Keith started getting real crowded, don't you think? Here's a tip for you, Mr. Mayor. Bet against the Ravens tomorrow night. Make yourself some money. Get the hell out of here. (Dan leave) INSIDE THE BANQUET The banquet is done, Nathan and Haley are talking HALEY : I'm so proud of you. NATHAN : I wish people would stop saying that. HALEY : Why? What is going on with you? You've been so distant all day. Is it the game? NATHAN : No. I'm fine. I'm just... I'm feeling a lot of pressure lately, I guess. HALEY : I'm sorry. NATHAN : Yeah, you know what? For the first time in a while, I think everything's gonna be okay. HALEY : Good. So, uh, I got to ask your advice on something. NATHAN : All right. HALEY : Rachel asked me to tutor her. NATHAN : And... HALEY : I just wanted to know what you thought I should do. NATHAN : Well, I remember, not too long ago, I needed a tutor, and you set aside your feelings and agreed to help me. HALEY : Do not compare yourself to Rachel. NATHAN : Well, we all make mistakes... all of us. Look, you do what you want to do. But I think you should know that, when I was freaking out about the whole pregnancy thing, Rachel was the one that got through to me. HALEY : Oh, god. I'm gonna have to tutor Rachel, aren't I? NATHAN : Yeah. HALEY : Yeah. OUTSIDE THE BANQUET Peyton is alone, Derek joins her DEREK : I better get back to the base before they think I went awol. I'll drop you off on the way. PEYTON : It's actually a really beautiful night. I was thinking maybe I'd walk. DEREK : You sure you want to do that? PEYTON : "No fear," right? I haven't walked by myself since psycho Derek disappeared... the other one. It would be nice to walk home by myself. DEREK : Peyton Sawyer, wanting to be alone. Look how far you've come. PEYTON : It's because of you. So I'm... I'm kind of a pro at this next part, the "goodbye" part. People always leave. Remember? You'll be careful, right? DEREK : Don't worry about me. I won't go trying to be a hero or anything. PEYTON : Sure, you will. (Peyton starts crying) PEYTON : Come here. (They hug) DEREK : I'll be back, Peyton. PEYTON : I believe you. Thanks. OUTSIDE BROOKE'S HOUSE Lucas escorts Brooke to her doorstep BROOKE : Lucas, don't hate me, okay? But I think that this was a mistake. LUCAS : So do I. BROOKE : You do? LUCAS : I... I missed you so much... when you broke up with me, Brooke. I mean, I spent every day hoping that maybe we'd get back together. But... listening to Whitey describe his life with Camilla, I just realized that... BROOKE : He wasn't describing us. (Lucas nods) BROOKE : Do you think that even exists anymore? LUCAS : What? BROOKE : A love so strong that no person can come between it. LUCAS : I sure hope so. BROOKE : Yeah. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. So, where does this leave us? LUCAS : Friends? BROOKE : Friends. (They shake their hands, then hug) INSIDE THE BANQUET Haley come to find Rachel HALEY : Rachel? RACHEL : Haley. HALEY : Look, I will tutor you on three conditions. The first one is that you have to work around my schedule. I'm working a ton of hours right now, and I really don't care if it disrupts your social life. The second is, if you miss one session, it's over. Got it? RACHEL : Got it. So, what's the third condition? HALEY : No matter how nice I seem, you have to remember... that I can't stand you. Okay? INSIDE DAN'S HOUSE Dan is sitting on his couch, Nathan arrives NATHAN : Did you talk to them? DAN : Yeah. NATHAN : What are we gonna do, dad? DAN : You're gonna lose the state championship. PEYTON'S BEDROOM Peyton is alone, sad. Lucas enters LUCAS : Now, this is more like it. Listen, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that we didn't get to spend more time together tonight. PEYTON : How'd it go with Brooke? BROOKE : I realized tonight that it's over between me and Brooke. And... she realized it, too. (After a blank) PEYTON : I love you, Lucas. LUCAS : I love you, too, Peyton. PEYTON : You don't understand. I've been holding this in for a really long time. And you just need to know. I love you. I'm in love with you.

Derek convinces Peyton to take a chance with Lucas at the same time that Brooke approaches him about getting back together. Daunte's latest demand leads Nathan to seek help from an unlikely source - Dan. When Rachel learns of a failing grade, she turns to Haley for tutoring. Nathan is named MVP of the Ravens at the annual sports banquet.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x05

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x05_0

[Connor's Trailer] (Connor enters and puts Nate's head on the table) [Whitmore College] (Connor and Shane are in his classroom) Connor: You have any idea what I've been through? I spent the last two days chained up by an original vampire Shane: So you met Klaus? I only know him by reputation. Apparently he's a real monster Connor: He's a vampire-werewolf hybrid. Do you know how hard it is to kill them? Shane: From what I gather, you have to... Remove their head, or their heart. That is, according to lore. I'm just speculating Connor: I had to figure out how to do it on my own. I could have used some of this occult Professor knowledge of yours. But then again, you've always been slow when it comes to providing answers. Shane: We had a deal. I'll give you answers about your hunter's mark when it's grown to completion Connor: In other words, kill as many vampires as possible Shane: Come on, Connor, why do you think I sent you to Mystic Falls? There's no shortage of vampires. That town's practically infested. Listen, there's a witch mixed up in all this. She's important to what I have planned. I want her to be kept out of harm's way Connor: Anybody gets in my way... anybody... they're dead Shane: Ok... Sure, I'll occupy her myself. Just do what you do. And the less I know about it, the better [Mystic Grill] (Jeremy is in the storage room, cleaning. He hears a noise and turns his head. He goes toward the noise and when he turns himself, Connor's here. He puts a knife under his throat) Connor: Do I have your attention? Good. Then let's talk about vampires [Gilbert's House] (Elena is in her bed and sits down) Elena: Dear diary, I know it's been a while. A long while. I haven't needed... I haven't wanted to write this stuff down. But I don't want to say it out loud, either. The thing is... I'm a vampire. And I hate it [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is writing in his diary) Stefan: She's been spiraling since her transition. There are times I barely recognize her. But now for the first time in a while, there's hope [Gilbert's House] (Elena sits down on her bench and opens her diary) Elena: I feel hopeless. Depressed. Angry. But most of all... I'm scared [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is still writing) Stefan: Somewhere in the world, there's a cure for vampires. If I can get it, Elena can be human again. I can give her back her life [Gilbert's House] (Elena is writing in her diary) Elena: Part of me just wants to end it. But then I think of Jeremy. I'm all that he has left. So, I need to find a way through this. No matter what it takes. [Salvatore's House] Stefan: So that's what I need to do. No matter what Klaus asks; no matter what lies I have to tell, secrets I have to keep, I'll do it. No matter what it takes [Klaus' Mansion] (Stefan is looking at Nate's body, without his head. He's on the phone with Klaus) Stefan: How the hell did Connor escape? [Italy] (Klaus is in Italy in an archeological site) Klaus: I blame mind-numbing incompetence, but pointing fingers isn't going to help me. You're going to help me Stefan: Well, he could be anywhere now Klaus: Think, Stefan. He took the hybrid's head, which means he wants werewolf toxin Stefan: Which means he plans to stay in Mystic Falls to kill vampires Klaus: Which is a pity. Me being on the other side of the world digging up a dead hunter, you'll have no access to my blood. And therefore the antidote. Nevertheless, his tattoo is our only map to the cure, so your task is quite simple. Find him, catch him, and above all, keep him alive. He's no good to us dead Stefan: Damon's been looking everywhere for him. If they cross paths... Klaus: You need to keep Damon in check Stefan: It would be a lot easier if I could just tell him the truth Klaus: You trust Damon with the cure? I imagine he prefers Elena the way she is Stefan: Nice try, Klaus, but I trust Damon a hell of a lot more than I trust you Klaus: And I trust no one. Which is why my sister is lying daggered in a box. The more who find out about the cure, the more will go after it. Nations have gone to war over less. You mark my words... tell one soul and I will throw the hunter's sword in the Mediterranean and we can end this quest right now. Am I understood? (Stefan hangs up) [Mystic Grill] (The Mystic Grill is closed. Matt is working and on the phone) Matt: Really? Jeremy, you're half an hour late. Get here now (He hangs up. April enters) April: Uh, Matt? Matt: Uh, hey, April. We don't open till eleven April: Oh, sorry. I wasn't, like, trying to scare you or stalk you or whatever. I just, um, I came to ask if you've seen Rebekah? Matt: Why would I have seen Rebekah? April: Oh, I just assumed. I mean, aren't you guys kind of like a thing? Matt: Rebekah and I are not a thing April: Well, I mean, I'm worried about her. She said she'd help me find stuff out about the fire that killed my dad, and then she just disappeared (Connor enters with Jeremy, a knife under his throat) Connor: Trust me... That's the least of your problems [Gilbert's House] (Elena opens her bedroom door, ready to leave but Damon's here. He enters) Elena: Oh. Excuse me. What are you doing? Damon: Where's Stefan? Elena: Ok, good morning to you, too Damon: He's not answering his phone and he's not here, which, you know, big deal, we've only got a killer vampire hunter on the loose Elena: I haven't talked to him yet today Damon: Hmm. Give me your phone. Maybe he's dodging me Elena: Why would he be dodging you? Damon: Oh, I don't know, maybe the hot, sweaty dance party business? I figured you spilled your guilty little guts to him when I left last night (She doesn't say anything) Damon: Ohh, you didn't tell him, did you? Elena: No, Damon. I didn't tell him that I got high on blood like some crack head and dirty danced with you. It was a mistake, ok? I wasn't...Myself. And besides, he's already got enough to deal with, trying to get me through this vampire stuff (She gives him her phone) Damon: Oh, I see. This is classic shame spiral Elena: I'm not in a shame spiral Damon: Oh, you so are. Newbie vampire remorse? Whoof, it's worse than a hangover Elena: I'm not in a shame spiral, Damon! (Damon calls Stefan with Elena's phone) Stefan: It's Stefan. Leave a message (He hangs up) Damon: So either he's dodging both of us... Elena: Or something's wrong [Mystic Grill] Connor: Sit down. Sit down! (Matt and April sit down at a table. Connor makes Jeremy sit down with them) Connor: Gilbert, give me your cell phone Jeremy: Look, at least let April go. She doesn't have anything to do with this Connor: She has everything to do with this (He takes Jeremy's phone) Connor: Her and her father. Plus, she and I have history April: What are you talking about? I've never seen you before in my life! Connor: You kids need to get some vervain. And don't just wear it as a bracelet where anybody can just take it off. Maybe then you'd remember our conversation at the hybrid's yesterday Jeremy: Our conversation? Are you saying someone compelled me?! April: Will someone please tell me what he's talking about?! Connor: Compulsion. Secrets. Vampires Matt: If you know so much, then you know our friends are going to come for us Connor: Oh, yeah, I'm counting on it. Every vampire that comes for you is another one I get to kill. Now, who should I text first, hmm? Damon Salvatore? His brother Stefan? Tyler Lockwood? All of the above [Lockwood's Mansion] (Damon, Elena and Tyler are at his house) Damon: So we each take a different entrance, hit him at the same time (Stefan enters) Elena: Stefan (She goes toward him and he embraces her) Damon: Where the hell have you been? Stefan: Coming up with a plan Damon: Yeah, we have a plan. The plan is I'm going to rip Connor's heart out and I am going to feed it to him Stefan: That's not a plan. We need to be careful. Connor has Jeremy and who knows how many other hostages Damon: Hence the open heart surgery Elena: Damon's right. Connor's strong, but he's not going to be able to take all of us Tyler: I called in the hybrids to help, too. (Caroline enters) Caroline: My mom put squad cars blocking the streets. They're saying it's a faulty gas main. We're good to go Damon: Good. Great. No cop, no witnesses, no reason to wait around Stefan: All right, hold on, you're not all going Tyler: He shot me like 9 times. If we're killing him, I want in Elena: He's got Jeremy, I'm going Stefan: Listen, nobody is going anywhere until I figure out what we're walking into Damon: Until you figure it out? Is that where you've been all morning, out buying bossy pants? Stefan: This guy's known for setting traps, right? We'd be pretty dumb to walk into one, especially if he has werewolf venom Elena: Does he? Stefan: He's had it before Damon: Fine. Fine. You want to take some time to do recon, you get one hour. But we're going to need some extra help, so where the hell's the wicked witch of the west? Caroline: She can't do magic Damon: Really? Well, call her, tell her Jeremy's life is in danger. Maybe that'll bring her out of retirement [Whitmore College] (Bonnie is in Professor Shane's office. She's reading a book) Bonnie: I can't believe you wrote a book Shane: I did. I wrote three books, actually. Two of them are just too mortifying to display Bonnie: Oh, I'm finding them online Shane: No, no, you're not. Hey, come on, you promised, remember? Right? No cell phones, and no Internet during witch therapy. Here. This is yours (He gives her a glass of tea) Shane: Right now I want you to focus. And I want your undivided attention Bonnie: You really think you can help me start practicing magic again? Shane: Absolutely, I can. I invited you here because I can. But you know what, right now, just relax. Drink your tea. I got this in Australia when I was backpacking with these aborigine spirit guides. Trust me, it's better when you smoke it, but I'm trying to be a role model. Bonnie... Listen, the thing is, what I have in mind might come off as a little unorthodox Bonnie: Now I'm officially curious Shane: What do you know about hypnosis? Bonnie: You really think that would work? Shane: What, you practice witchcraft but you don't believe in hypnotism? Bonnie, listen... You're afraid to practice magic because those witch spirits convinced you it's wrong. They threatened your grams and they made you feel guilty. You just have to confront that fear... And that guilt. And remove it Bonnie: Maybe. I don't think hypnosis would work. Witches are naturally immune to any sort of manipulation Shane: Really? Well, let me ask you something. How'd you like to put that earring back on? [Mystic Falls' Square] (Stefan is walking and is on the phone with Klaus) Klaus: You expect me to care about bloody hostages? Stefan: Well, you should. Damon does. So does Caroline, Tyler, Elena. If any of them get to Connor, then you just wasted a trip to Italy. I can buy us some time, but Damon's getting antsy. So if you want Connor alive, you better get your hybrids onboard with my plan [Alaric's Apartment] (Elena looks through the window and sees Stefan on the phone) Elena: Who is he talking to? Damon: Bonnie, hopefully. Maybe she's decided to make herself useful again (He lays a plan on the table. She rejoins him and looks at it) Elena: What is that? Damon: It's our way in, courtesy of Alaric Saltzman's interest in the Mystic Falls Underground Railroad Elena: The tunnels, like the ones in the Lockwood cellar Damon: Yep (He takes a picture with his phone. Elena's phone rings. She answers) Elena: What did you find out? Stefan: I could only make out the voices Damon: How many hostages? Stefan: Three. But, Elena, it's Matt. And April young Elena: What?! Damon: Those two idiots. They're like danger magnets Elena: We have to get them out of there Stefan: Yeah, I just need a little more time Damon: The clock's ticking, brother Stefan: You know, I could do without the color commentary (He hangs up) Elena: I'm going in these tunnels Damon: No, you're not. This guy doesn't know that you're a vampire. Let's keep it that way Elena: Well, maybe that's it. I can offer to trade myself in exchange for the hostages Damon: No! Best case scenario is, now you're a hostage. Worst case scenario...he figures you out, kills you on the spot Elena: Stop treating me like I can't handle myself. Alaric trained me, and I've been practicing with Stefan Damon: So what? Now you're going to take on a professional killer? Bang, you're dead. Now what? Elena: Head shot's no good. It has to be the heart. So now you're dead Damon: For someone that doesn't want to be like me, you sure are good at it Elena: My brother's the only thing that's holding me together right now, Damon. If anything happens to him... Damon: We'll get him out. I promise [Mystic Grill] (Connor is preparing something. Jeremy, April and Matt are looking at him) April: He's clearly delusional. I mean, right? All this... all this talk about vampires? I...I mean, he mentioned my dad Matt: Hey, this guy's a nut job, ok? Don't let him get in your head April: What if he knows something? Jeremy...Did he say anything to you about why he's doing this? Jeremy: I don't know. Maybe. Maybe I just can't remember (He gets up) Matt: Let it go. Jeremy! (Jeremy rejoins Connor) Jeremy: You said we had a conversation yesterday? Connor: Mm-hmm Jeremy: About what? Connor: We'll get into that. First, take a look at my handiwork. Pick up some tips from the hunter's trade Jeremy: What is all that? Connor: The fluid is derived from werewolf toxin. Trip the wire, bomb goes off, nails deliver a lethal dose into the bloodstream Jeremy: And what's the point? What do you get out of all this? Connor: You know, I used to think that there was no "get". That I was just supposed to "do". Kill vampires. That was until I realized that the mark held the answer to why I'm the way I am. The more I kill, the more it grows, and once it's complete... I'll learn my story, and... and all this will have meant something (He looks at Matt and April) Connor: Hey! We're going to have visitors soon. You two get in the back. Get up! Move! (They get up. Matt takes April by the shoulders) Connor: And before you think about any other exits, I got every door rigged. Got it? (They go in the back) [Alaric's Apartment] (Elena is looking through the window) Damon: Stefan's on his way. This will be over soon Elena: Will it? I mean, haven't we already been here before with Jeremy? Isn't this why we sent him to Denver? Damon: Well, we'll get him out of this and we'll compel him down to the Bahamas. Maybe he'll find an island girl (Stefan enters) Stefan: Did you find the tunnel map? Damon: Got it. It was in his weapon's drawer with seven stakes, a weird MacGyver crossbow, and the last remaining vervain in Mystic Falls. So, how about we get this party started? Stefan: Not yet. Klaus is sending one of his men. He'll take the front and you and I can take the tunnels Damon: Since when do we team up with Klaus and the lollipop guild? Stefan: Well, I already told you, Connor has werewolf venom. We need someone to draw his fire, the hybrids are immune to it, so they're our best bet Damon: Well, how are you sure he even has werewolf venom? Why is Klaus involved, Stefan? Stefan: Oh, stop being paranoid, Damon (He takes a vervain dart) Damon: Start telling the truth...Stefan. Why is Klaus involved? Did he compel you? Stefan: I am telling you the truth, this is the best way to get everyone out Elena: What is with you two? We're wasting time! Damon: You know what, she's right. Screw your plan. I'll kill Connor myself (He goes to the door but Stefan injects the dart in his back) Elena: Stefan! Why are you doing this? Stefan: Damon had the right idea with the tunnels, but I'm not going to go in there if I can't count on him to do it my way Elena: If you can't count on him? You just vervained him! Stefan: Do you think he cares about April or Matt? He'll get Jeremy out for you, but then he'll go right after Connor no matter who gets hurt Elena: Then I'm coming with you Stefan: You're not coming with me, Elena! Elena: You need my help! Stefan: What if Connor attacks and you have to defend yourself? And what if you kill him? The guilt will wreck you Elena: You don't think that I'm afraid of that? Of course I am. Stefan, I'm barely holding it together. If Jeremy gets hurt... Stefan: we'll get Jeremy out, ok? I promise you. Elena, listen to me, listen to me. This is the most important thing that I have ever asked you to do. I just need you to trust me. Please (She nods. He kisses her. When she opens her eyes, he has disappeared. She looks around) [Lockwood's Mansion] (Tyler is talking with a hybrid) Tyler: Look, man, this guy is dangerous. He's highly trained, he's armed... Hybrid: I can handle myself. Besides, Klaus asked me personally Tyler: This is a bad idea (Haley is listening. Caroline arrives and looks at her) Caroline: Uh, who are you? Haley: Who the hell are you? Caroline: Caroline Haley: Ohh. You're Tyler's girl. He told me about you. I'm Haley Caroline: Well, Haley, that's pretty crazy, 'cause I haven't heard a thing about you Haley: I've been staying here a few days Caroline: Excuse me? Haley: I needed a place to crash, Ty's a buddy. He was kind enough to offer Caroline: I know all of Ty's buddies and I haven't heard about you, so how about we cut the crap? Haley: Yeah, I don't do teen drama. Take it up with Ty. Excuse me (She leaves) (Haley enters the living room where Tyler is talking with the hybrid) Haley: Dean, you don't need to do this Dean: Stay out of this, Haley. I'm going Tyler: Just listen to her, man. It's suicide (Caroline enters) Tyler: Klaus told you to take Connor by yourself, and you can't even fight back? You have to use "non-lethal force"? What the hell is that? Dean: Klaus gave me a direct order Haley: It's too dangerous. That maniac already killed Nate Dean: You're not a hybrid; you don't know what it's like. Klaus asks for something, you do it Tyler: Look... I'm a hybrid. I used to do everything Klaus said. But I don't anymore. You don't have to, either Dean: You think you can stand up to Klaus? Here, prove it (He gives him his phone) Caroline: Tyler, don't... (He calls Klaus. He's in Italy. Someone gives him the sword) Klaus: Hello? Tyler: Hey, Klaus Klaus: Tyler. I hope you're not causing problems Tyler: I can do whatever I want. I'm not sired to you anymore Klaus: Fair enough. Though I do happen to know your little secret about your time in Appalachia. What was your friend's name? Haley, was it? You'd probably prefer I kept that to myself. I'm sorry, mate. Are you going to answer or should I just assume you're back to being... How did you phrase it? Oh, yes. My little bitch (Tyler hangs up and is uncomfortable. He looks at Dean) Tyler: Ahem. Do whatever the hell you want (He leaves) Haley: That's it? You just back down?! (She goes after him) [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Grill] (The phone rings. Jeremy is about to answer but Connor catches his arm and answers) Connor: We're closed Stefan: I want you to free the hostages Connor: I'll free them. As soon as you give me what I want... you and everyone like you dead Stefan: What, so your hunter's mark can grow? Yeah, I know all about that. What it means. What you are. Listen, you free the hostages and you and I can have a little chat. Maybe I can tell you about the brotherhood of the five Connor: That's a weak move. You must be desperate Stefan: Think about it, Connor. Klaus saved your life, he needs you alive. Aren't you the least bit curious why? (Connor hangs up and throws the phone) (Matt and April are in the back) April: When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me these scary stories about vampires Matt: They're just stories April: Not to that man out there. There's something so familiar... About him Matt: Look, this is a messed up situation. The last thing that you want to do is buy into that guy's craziness. You're going to be fine. We're getting out of here April: What is that? Matt: There used to be an exit through the old wine cellar (He looks inside) Matt: They bricked it over April: So that's it, then? We're screwed (He takes a hammer and starts to break the bricks) Matt: No. We're not screwed [Mystic Grill] (Dean arrives in front of the Mystic Grill. He has an earpiece) Dean: There's no sign of anyone Klaus: Stefan's coming at him from the other side. He'll free the hostages, your job is to get Connor out alive and use caution, mate. He favors booby traps and ambushes Dean: Understood (Connor is fixing his bomb. Jeremy sees a rifle and tries to get it) Connor: You may be a potential hunter, but you make one move, I will break all 27 bones in your hand Jeremy: They're not all bad, you know? Some of them, they're my friends Connor: Friends, huh? Yeah, I had a friend like that once. She got turned by this vampire I was hunting. He thought it'd be ironic Jeremy: What happened to her? Connor: I didn't want to hurt her. She promised that she would keep it under control, but... A vampire's like a loaded gun. Eventually it's going to go off. That's when I got this Jeremy: So you killed your own friend? Connor: Listen! If you're going to be like me, you need to understand. Vampires kill humans. Hunters kill vampires (They hear the door) Connor: We have company (They bend. Dean enters. He sees the wire and the bomb. He goes by the wire but he walks on something. The bomb goes off) (Matt and April are surprised) Matt: Oh my god (April turns herself and is surprised when she sees Stefan but he puts his hand on her mouth and tells her to be silent) (Dean gets up. He's in bad shape. Connor arrives, aims his rifle at him and shoots him, leaving a hole in his chest, he's dead) (Stefan gives a phone to Matt) Stefan: Follow this map. Get out of here. Take her to Caroline's so she can... Matt: Okay. Stefan! That guy's armed. If you go out there, he's going to kill Jeremy Stefan: No one's killing anyone. Go (Connor takes his shirt off and looks at his tattoo growing. Jeremy is intrigued. Stefan arrives. Connor sees him and catches Jeremy and shoots Stefan but he's faster. Connor throws Jeremy on the ground and Connor is aiming his gun at Stefan) Stefan: Connor, you don't have to do this Jeremy: Stefan... [Alaric's Apartment] (Elena is leaving a voicemail to Stefan) Elena: Stefan, call me. There was an explosion at the grill. I need to know what's happening (Damon is waking up. Elena turns herself and hangs up and goes toward him) Elena: Damon. Hey. Can you get up? Damon: Oh, where's Stefan? I'm going to kill him (He tries to get up and is burned by the sun) Damon: Ow-ow! Ow! Elena: He took your ring? Why would he do that? Damon: Ughh. Because he's playing us. All this stalling, getting the hybrids, taking my ring, add it up. He's either made a deal with Klaus or he's compelled Elena: Then I need to get in there Damon: No, Elena, this guy is dangerous! Elena: So am I, Damon! Damon: Then you need to be smart. He doesn't know you're a vampire. You get as close as you can. And kill him [Mystic Grill] Stefan: Connor, we can end this right now. Just put down the gun and come with me Connor: Sure, come out. I'll hand the gun over Stefan: Think about this, no one has to die. I'll tell you everything you need to know Connor: I don't make deals with vampires! Stefan: Listen to me. If you die right now, then your whole life, all that killing, it will all be for nothing. I can give you the truth. Put down the gun and let Jeremy go (Elena enters) Elena: Please! Don't hurt him Connor: Come any closer, he's dead Jeremy: Elena, get out of here Elena: He's the only family that I have left. Just...just let him go Connor: You hear that? Your girl's watching. I will shoot the boy right in front of her! On the count of three! 1... 2... (Stefan comes out. Elena rushes overs Connor and he shoots Jeremy in the stomach. She's on tops of him, punches him and strangles him. Jeremy is bleeding and is about to move. Stefan rushes over him and throws him. The bomb explodes but Stefan was in time) Elena: Jeremy? (Connor pushes her and he's in top of her. He's about to stake her but she resists. Stefan intervenes and pushes him off her. Elena gets up. Stefan and Connor have disappeared. She looks around) (Elena is giving Jeremy her blood. She touches his face and looks the blood on his shirt. Her face changes and she turns herself) Elena: I'm sorry... I.... Jeremy: Hey, it's ok. You don't have to hide it; I know you're not going to hurt me Elena: How did this happen, Jer? Why did Connor come after you? Jeremy: He said I was like him, because I could see his tattoo Elena: His what? Jeremy: His hunter's mark. It's invisible to everyone but me. Stefan and Damon didn't tell you about it? Elena: No. Who else knows about this? Jeremy: Well, that's the thing. I don't even know. Apparently I was with Connor all day yesterday, but I can't remember. Someone compelled me Elena: I think I know who [The Tunnels] (Stefan is walking with Connor. Damon's here) Damon: Good work, brother Stefan: It's over, Damon, I have him Damon: Not after what I just went through. I had to punch through a boiler room basement into a septic tank to get into this stupid tunnel. But it'll be worth it Stefan: I'm taking him with me Damon: That's the thing... you're not. I don't know what you're up to or what Klaus has over you, but even if I have to go through you, I'm going to kill him Stefan: Better back off, Damon Damon: Why? Because Klaus wants him alive? Stefan: This has nothing to do with Klaus, you're just going to have to trust me on that Damon: Don't want to. Don't have to. Not gonna. You can give him to me, brother Stefan: Run as fast as you can (Connor leaves. Stefan rushes over Stefan and pushes him against the roc) Stefan: You're not going to kill him! Damon: Why are you protecting him? Tell me. Tell me! Stefan: Klaus will kill anyone who knows! Damon: Then it has to be good. Spill it. Spill it! Stefan: Connor's tattoo is the key to a cure Damon: The cure for what? Stefan: For her! For Elena Damon: Klaus told you there's a cure for vampirism? Stefan: And if Connor dies, then we'll lose it forever. I know it's crazy, Damon, but its hope. Do you understand me? It's her only hope! (Connor is running but Elena finds him and bites him) Elena: You stay the hell away from my brother! (She pushes him. He falls on his knees) Connor: Look at you. So worried about your brother. And you're the biggest monster he'll ever meet (He stakes her in the guts) Elena: You missed (She breaks his neck, killing him. She looks at his body) [Whitmore College] (Bonnie and Shane have their eyes closed. They're silent. She opens her eyes) Bonnie: This isn't working. It's not you. I just...I can't get into hypnosis Shane: Bonnie, what do you think we've been doing for seven hours? (She looks at the clock) Bonnie: Wow, that's crazy Shane: Look, I'm good at this, ok? And trust me; you're doing a lot better than you were when you came in this morning. You know what? Proof (He takes a candle and puts it in front of her) Shane: I bet that you can light this candle as easily as I can sign my name. All you have to do is want to Bonnie: I'm sorry. I just...I can't Shane: If you can't... It's only because you're afraid. You're afraid of those spirits and what they might do to your grams. But let me tell you something, Bonnie Bennett... you're stronger than they are. You have a power of your own you haven't even approached yet, and you don't have to be afraid. Of anyone. Say it "I don't have to be afraid." Bonnie: I don't have to be afraid Shane: Now close your eyes. And mean it (She closes her eyes) Bonnie: I don't have to be afraid (She opens her eyes and looks at the candle. She isn't lit) Bonnie: Guess it wasn't good enough Shane: Oh, I don't know (She looks around and sees that every candle in the room is lit. she smiles, looks at him and then looks around. She laughs and looks at him again, surprised) [The woods] (Elena is digging a grave for Connor. She's crying. Stefan and Damon arrive and look at her) Stefan: Elena... (She stops and looks at them. She looks at Connor) Elena: I need to bury him. I killed him, I should... I should bury him (She keeps digging. Stefan looks at Damon) Stefan: Hey. Hey, come on Elena: Don't! I heard you talking to him. Making some secret deal with Klaus? You said you were going to protect Jeremy! Keep me from...This. You said that I could trust you, Stefan Damon: Elena, it's complicated... Elena: no, it's not complicated, Damon! You want to know why? Because... because he's dead now. You told me to kill him. So I did. I killed... I killed someone. I k...I killed someone! [Lockwood's Mansion] (Tyler is embracing Haley) Tyler: I'm so...Sorry Haley: I can't believe Dean's gone. We could have saved him (Caroline enters) Caroline: I apologize. Am I intruding? Tyler: Caroline, it's not like that Caroline: I keep waiting for you to make up some dumb story so at least I can call you a liar. Is that now? Haley: I'll let you two talk Caroline: Thank you, how big of you! (Haley leaves) Tyler: You have to understand... Caroline: no, you don't tell me what I have to do. I went through hell when I thought you died. I cried like an idiot, and this whole time, you've been keeping a secret from me about falling for some werewolf in the Appalachians! Tyler: I never fell for her Caroline: Oh, please Tyler: Caroline, she saved my life! I almost died trying to break the sire bond. Haley was there for me. She helped me get through it but nothing else happened! Caroline: Then why would Klaus think that? Tyler: Because I'd rather him think that than know the truth. There are other hybrids that need to be set free. Haley and I can help them. But if Klaus found out about what we're trying to do, he'd kill us all [Mystic Falls Square] (Jeremy is sitting alone. He's taking his vervain bracelet off. Matt and April arrive) April: Hey, Jeremy. Sorry we're so late. We had to take this crazy detour Matt: There was a gas leak Jeremy: Yeah, I heard about that April: Yeah, and we had to stop by Tyler Lockwood's house 'cause we had to see Caroline. We talked to her for a little bit, but now I was thinking maybe we could all go get some coffee. But the grill is closed. That's...Weird Jeremy: You know what, it's ok. I, uh, I need to get home anyway, 'cause I'm feeling a little... Over it today Matt: I should probably get home, too April: Oh. All right, then (She goes. Jeremy drops his bracelet and picks it up) Jeremy: Hey, uh, April. Did you drop this? April: Oh, that's not mine Jeremy: You sure? Here, let me see your wrist (He puts it around her wrist) April: Ah, thanks, but... Matt: I like it. I think it looks good on you. You should wear it (She looks at the bracelet and looks at them) April: Okay (She leaves. Matt looks at Jeremy) Matt: Are you ok? Jeremy: Yeah. I'm just sick of all the secrets, you know? Matt: Yeah, tell me about it (He stops and looks at his hand. The tattoo has appeared) Jeremy: What? (He's shocked) Matt: What's wrong? Jeremy: Nothing [Salvatore's House] (Stefan enters his room. Damon is sitting at his desk) Damon: How is she? Stefan: Angry, full of guilt. Hasn't said a word to me other than she wants to be left alone. Is that my journal? Damon: Had to go through six locks to get it. Needed something to back up your insanity. Did you figure out how to tell Klaus you lost a hunter and a hybrid? Stefan: He's on a plane. Which means I get to live for another six hours Damon: I got your back. You know, when he comes to murder you Stefan: Thanks. Thanks for not saying anything to Elena Damon: About what? A cure that we don't have, can't find, and probably doesn't exist? You're welcome Stefan: She doesn't need to know that she killed her chance of being human again Damon: Alleged chance Stefan: I believe him, Damon. You didn't hear Klaus' story. I believed every word he said Damon: Well, I'll remain a skeptic for now. So what's your next move? Stefan: He said there was a brotherhood of the five. Which means there are other hunters out there, and I'm just going to keep looking until I find one Damon: Sure, Stefan, since you asked, I'd be happy to go on a suicide mission with you for a potentially non-existent cure. Not a problem Stefan: Yet a couple hours ago, you were ready to rip my heart out Damon: Because you were being a pain in the ass. I just need one thing... why do you want to cure her? Stefan: What kind of question is that? Damon: Legitimate one. You want to cure her because she's a vampire and she's not cut out to be, or you can't love her if she is one? Stefan: I'll always love her. But she's not supposed to be this person. I don't want her to be Damon: Well, if I'm going to ride this fairy tale to its conclusion, let me be clear about one thing Stefan: What's that? Damon: I'm fine with her either way, brother. So if we do this, we're doing it for you [Gilbert's House] (Elena is taking a shower) Elena: Dear diary, today I did the thing I was most afraid of. I lost control. I killed someone. I used to think the worst feeling in the world was losing someone you love, but I was wrong (She's writing in her diary) Elena: The worst feeling is the moment that you realize... You've lost yourself (Blood drops fall on her hand and on her diary. She looks at her hands and smells them. There's blood everywhere on the floor and she follows the path. He enters the bathroom. There's blood everywhere. She looks at her mirror. There's ''Killer' written in blood on it. She slips on the blood and falls on the ground. She looks around her, panicked but everything is back to normal)

After being told by Shane that the truth about his tattoo will be revealed, Connor returns to Mystic Falls, agreeing to kill humans if necessary. Stefan and Klaus team up once again to stop Connor, but Klaus leaves to find Alexander's sword. Connor takes Jeremy, Matt and April hostage. April who doesn't know of vampires yet, and so thinks Connor is delusional and is naturally scared of him. Stefan and Damon argue on the best course of action. Damon is knocked unconscious and the situation turns violent when one of Klaus's minions is sent to stand up to Connor. Meanwhile, Shane is trying to get Bonnie to get over her guilt via hypnosis, which at first appears not to work when he tries to get her to light a single candle, but when Bonnie opens her eyes she sees she lit every candle in the room. Jeremy tries to talk to Connor, who explains a friend of his was once turned into a vampire but he had to put that friend down, and then the tattoo began to appear. Elena breaks in and attacks Connor, but he is taken away by Stefan. Damon catches up to them and confronts Stefan on why he doesn't kill Connor and he explains Connor is the key to a cure. When Connor makes a run for it, the brothers witness him being killed by Elena, much to her guilt.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x32

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_06x32_0

The Space Pirates 5:25pm - 5:50pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. TUNNEL (Screwing up his eyes, the DOCTOR sees that the light is a portable searchlight carried by two men. There seem to be other men behind them - men with guns. The little group instinctively backs away.) CAVEN: (Over the speakers.) Keep moving! (The DOCTOR stops and stands his ground.) DOCTOR: All right! There's no need for that! (A blaster chips a chunk or rock from the wall by his feet. The DOCTOR skips back. Another bit of rock splinters from the rock wall by JAMIE's head.) CAVEN: (OOV.) Back! Back! Back! (ZOE turns and sees a small round hole in the wall behind her.) ZOE: Quick! Down this passage! DOCTOR: Run! (All three start to run through the opening - and ZOE gives a yell of alarm. JAMIE runs after her and then teeters on the edge of the opening. Beyond it is a sheer drop into darkness. JAMIE tries to give a warning to the DOCTOR but it is too late. ZOE is going too fast to stop and with a scream, she dives into the pit. The DOCTOR is already on JAMIE's heels. He grabs JAMIE's hand just as the young Highlander loses his balance and falls yelling. The DOCTOR is dragged after him. Struggling furiously and screaming, they drop down into the darkness...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. PRISON SHAFT (The DOCTOR, JAMIE and ZOE land one by one at the bottom of the shaft. ZOE instinctively rolls over as she hits the ground. JAMIE narrowly misses her, falling heavily close to one side. The DOCTOR, however, lands partly on top of JAMIE provoking a yell of protest. Gradually they sort themselves out.) ZOE: Oh Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: (Sadly.) No! JAMIE: What's the matter? DOCTOR: Just a minute. (He fishes in the back pocket of his baggy chequered trousers and produces a broken cardboard box of drawing pins.) ZOE: What are you counting drawing pins for? DOCTOR: I like drawing pins - normally. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. TOP OF THE SHAFT (CAVEN stares down into the darkness of the pit.) CAVEN: Right! They won't give us any more trouble. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. PRISON SHAFT DOCTOR: Oh... (JAMIE tries to get up, and winces with pain.) JAMIE: Oh, my leg! ZOE: Are you all right? JAMIE: I must have twisted it when I landed. (The DOCTOR helps him up and JAMIE manages to limp a few paces backwards and forwards.) JAMIE: Ah, now where are we? (They are in semi-darkness. The pit seems to be lit by only the faint light from the tunnel above. They look round, trying to accustom their eyes to the gloom.) ZOE: It looks like some sort of a prison cell. DOCTOR: Yes. (A low moan comes from somewhere in the dark recesses of the pit.) JAMIE: What's that? ZOE: Doctor, there's something over there. (Raising a hand for silence, the DOCTOR moves cautiously forward, JAMIE close behind him. The DOCTOR sees a shadowy figure stretched out in the corner, and kneels beside it. As he comes closer, JAMIE sees that the figure is in uniform.) DOCTOR: Oh dear. JAMIE: What is it? DOCTOR: Look! JAMIE: Hey, it's that chap from the beacon - the one that was shooting at us. ZOE: Yes, he's injured! Look! (The DOCTOR finishes his examination.) DOCTOR: I think it's his shoulder. I... I think it's only a bruise. It's not broken. (To JAMIE.) Lift him up - very gently. (While JAMIE lifts SORBA up, the DOCTOR has a good look round.) DOCTOR: What's this? Ah, wait a minute... (Looking round, the DOCTOR sees an earthenware jug half full of water.) DOCTOR: Yes, that's all right. (He dips his handkerchief in it and uses the damp cloth to moisten the unconscious man's lips and forehead. The man moans and stirs, his eyelids fluttering open.) JAMIE: Ah, he's coming around. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. CONTROL ROOM (From his hidden control room, CAVEN is talking to DERVISH, now reluctantly in space on the pirate's Beta Dart. The face on the vid-com screen is sweating with fear.) CAVEN: Come in, Beta Buccaneer. DERVISH: (OOV.) I want permission to return to base. Caven, do you hear me? I'm bringing the ship in. CAVEN: Calm down man. Report your position. DERVISH: (OOV.) We're forty-three thousand miles out, on course for the beacon sections. CAVEN: You should be among them in twenty minutes. What's wrong? Why the panic? DERVISH: (OOV.) We're running our heads into a trap, Caven. The Space Corp cruiser is less than three hours away, and on a convergent course! CAVEN: Those beacon sections have got to be diverted to Lobos. How long will that take? DERVISH: (OOV.) It will take at least, two hours! We just can't do it on time. CAVEN: You'll have to, Dervish! Just find some way of cutting the time. DERVISH: (Looking panicked, OOV.) Those minnow fighters will blast us to bits! I'm bringing the ship in! (CAVEN holds up a simple hand control, plugged into the panel.) CAVEN: Now wait, don't be so impulsive. Surely you recognise this, Dervish? You designed it. DERVISH: (Stares at it, OOV.) Well, it's a UHF detonator! What are you playing at, Caven! CAVEN: I'm not playing at all. It is a detonator, and it is keyed to a charge right under the atomic drive to the Buccaneer. DERVISH: (Now shaking, OOV.) I... I... I don't believe it. Why you... you're bluffing. CAVEN: If you think I'm bluffing, just you try turning back. You see Dervish, you've got a fair chance of escaping the V-ship and the minnows, but you've no chance at all of getting away from this. (CAVEN puts his hand on the switch and DERVISH visually collapses on the screen.) DERVISH: (Defeated, OOV.) All right, Caven. CAVEN: I knew you wouldn't let me down. Report as soon as you reach Lobos! (He cuts the link.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. V-SHIP (HERMACK is now back on the flight deck.) PENN: Major Warne's just come on abroad, sir. He's coming up to the bridge. HERMACK: Good. (He presses his communicator switch.) HERMACK: Bridge to power room. We're under way again. Half-boost. (The engines start to power up.) HERMACK: (To PENN.) Set course for Lobos, Penn. PENN: Very good, sir. (WARNE comes onto the flight deck looking a little abashed.) WARNE: Thanks for the rescue, sir. HERMACK: Ah... What happened to you anyway? (WARNE gives HERMACK one of the copper needles that entrapped him.) HERMACK: Copper needles? WARNE: Yes sir. I warned Clancey I was about to fire with the Martian missiles. I pressed the button and the next thing I ran slap into a cloud of these. The computer blew and the whole machine just stopped. HERMACK: Copper! Of course! Attracted by the argonite hull of the minnow. WARNE: Yes sir! It won't happen again, sir. HERMACK: It had better not! When one old man in a worn out junk-heap like the LIZ, makes a complete fool of a highly trained fighter pilot in a sophisticated flight ship I... WARNE: (Trying to stop the tirade.) Yes sir, well I'll hit him with a deflection shot next time, sir. I worked out how to do it. You see... HERMACK: Never mind the theories, Major. With a bit of luck, Clancey will not be able to exploit your limitations again, because, we shall take him on the ground. WARNE: On the ground, sir? HERMACK: Yes, we're on course for Lobos. The headquarters of the Clancey Mining Company. WARNE: You think that's where he's gone? HERMACK: I'm sure of it. Apart from Ta it's the next nearest planet. Yes, that's where Clancey will be and that's where we shall find our evidence - the sections of Beacon Alpha Four. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. SPACE (We see the V-Ship flying, and then DERVISH's ship carrying the beacon sections further on into space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. PRISON SHAFT (ZOE is checking over SORBA.) ZOE: Are you feeling better? (SORBA's eyes start to focus on ZOE.) SORBA: (Dazzled.) You were on the beacon... What are you doing here? JAMIE: Oh look, it's all right. We're friends. SORBA: Friends? You led my men into a trap. JAMIE: Aye we were in the same trap ourselves. The pirates left us for dead. SORBA: I thought you were decoys. ZOE: Oh look we wouldn't be here now if we were helping them. SORBA: Then how did you get off the beacon? DOCTOR: Well... well it's a long story, but the important thing is to ah... to escape from here now. SORBA: You think I haven't tried? That shaft is the only way in. It's impossible to get out. DOCTOR: Oh, there's another entrance here somewhere. SORBA: I've searched every inch of this cell. Solid rock. DOCTOR: There's a hidden door. The problem of course is going to be finding it. SORBA: There's no door, believe me. You're only wasting your time. DOCTOR: No, no, no. There's obviously a less painful way of getting in here - so there must be a way of getting out. ZOE: What makes you so sure? I mean it could be a sort of tomb. JAMIE: Aye, a burial pit. DOCTOR: Look. (The DOCTOR taps the earthenware jug.) DOCTOR: Water, in a fragile bowl. Well that couldn't have been thrown down that chute, now could it? (He starts tapping the walls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. CONTROL ROOM (DERVISH reports back to CAVEN on the vid-com link.) DERVISH: (OOV.) Caven, I've got the crews out realigning the auxiliary rockets for Lobos, but one of the beacon sections is missing! CAVEN: (Surprised.) That's not possible! DERVISH: (OOV.) Look there's only seven sections here, there should be eight! I checked back right along the flight path, but there's not a sign of it. It's completely disappeared. CAVEN: Nothing disappears in space. Even if the rocket exploded there would be debris along the flight-path. DERVISH: (OOV.) There's no debris, there's nothing! It's completely disappeared! The scanner shows zero hind. CAVEN: But that's crazy! There must be some explanation. DERVISH: (OOV.) Oh yeah, there's an explanation all right, but you're not going to like it! CAVEN: Well, come on, come on! DERVISH: (OOV.) Somebody must have engineered the section out of its flight-path. CAVEN: How could anybody manage that? DERVISH: (OOV.) Well, I don't know... CAVEN: Wait a minute. (CAVEN thinks hard.) CAVEN: That space guard - the one we took off the beacon. DERVISH: (OOV.) Lieutenant Sorba? CAVEN: Yes. He said something about seeing strangers on board. Perhaps he wasn't raving. Perhaps we've got competition, Dervish. Someone trying to cut themselves in, hey? DERVISH: (OOV.) Just a minute. (He looks away from the screen.) DERVISH: Look I've got to go. Once of the spider team wants picking up. CAVEN: Right. I'll question Sorba about these strangers he saw. Call in as soon as you get the sections on the new flight-path. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. PRISON SHAFT (SORBA watches unbelievingly, as JAMIE and the DOCTOR go round the pit, solemnly tapping every inch of wall.) SORBA: You're mad, it's solid rock! ZOE: When the Doctor gets an idea nobody can change his mind. (By now JAMIE is beginning to get discouraged.) JAMIE: Oh look Doctor, this is doing no good at all. DOCTOR: Patience Jamie, patience! (The DOCTOR produces a stethoscope and starts listening to the wall.) JAMIE: We'll not find anything. We've been over it three times already! DOCTOR: It's got to be here - look! (The DOCTOR points to a crack in one of the walls.) JAMIE: Aye I know, cracks in the wall. DOCTOR: Yes, but see the way they run. JAMIE: There are marks like that all over the place. DOCTOR: Yes, well we're going to go on trying. (The DOCTOR starts to bang the walls again. JAMIE sits down with ZOE and SORBA.) ZOE: Now what's he doing? JAMIE: Oh, search me. DOCTOR: There's ah... there's got to be a control unit here somewhere. Just a question of locating it, that's all. ZOE: What sort of control unit? DOCTOR: Shh, Shh. Just a minute. (He produces a piece of chalk and draws a little circle on the wall.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes. It's under there. JAMIE: (Puzzled.) What's under there? DOCTOR: An audio lock. ZOE: (Face clearing.) An audio lock! JAMIE: (Still puzzled.) Oh now, wait a minute, what's an audio lock? DOCTOR: Well ah... they were used in outer space, Jamie. Combination locks became a little too easy to open when burglars took to taking miniature computers with them on their expeditions. (The DOCTOR is searching through his many pockets.) DOCTOR: Now I... I have my tuning forks here somewhere. ZOE: What are you going to do with a tuning fork? DOCTOR: I usually carry them... Ah, yes! Here we are, now then... get these sorted out. Right. (Delightedly, the DOCTOR holds up an old-fashioned tuning fork, and begins tapping it gently against the wall inside the chalked circle. JAMIE turns worriedly to ZOE and whispers: ) JAMIE: Which end did you land on when you fell down that shaft? [SCENE_BREAK] 11. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (PENN looks up from his scanner screen.) PENN: Contact ahead, sir! HERMACK: What contact? PENN: It could be the sections of Alpha Four, sir. There are seven objects moving quite slowly. WARNE: If it's the beacon sir, there should be eight sections. HERMACK: What's their course, Penn? WARNE: Approximately the same as ours, sir. The convergence is less than half a degree. HERMACK: Then the flight destination must be Lobos! Clancey's home planet. We've got him, Ian! WARNE: We can't be sure it is the beacon, sir. Well we counted eight sections originally. (HERMACK points at the scanner.) HERMACK: Just a minute! What's that, on the edge of the scanner? PENN: I'm trying to get a fix on it now, sir! It's just come into frame. HERMACK: It must be the missing section. PENN: No sir, it's too big and it's moving too fast. I think it's some kind of ship. HERMACK: Out there! No, with any luck it's the pirates. WARNE: He seems to be circling. HERMACK: Can't you magnify that signal, Penn? PENN: No sir, she's right out on the fringe. HERMACK: Ian, get down to the minnow deck. I want you ready to go as soon as we've got an identification. WARNE: Right, sir. (As WARNE hurries away, HERMACK turns to the communicator.) HERMACK: Power room! I want main boost for as long as we can hold it. (To PENN.) Don't worry about those beacon sections Penn - that ship is our target! (We hear the power building up.) PENN: Right sir. Shall I get those wreck simmers? HERMACK: Not yet. Go to half-speed. (Into the communicator.) General Hermack. I want all crews at emergency stations. I repeat, all crews at emergency stations. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. SPACE (We see the V-Ship fly off in space at an increased speed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK (A few minutes later WARNE comes through from the minnow deck.) WARNE: (OOV.) X-X 2 ready to go. Any news yet V-Master? HERMACK: The range is down to forty minutes. Penn has just made a positive identification. It is a Beta Dart, so they can still outrun us. WARNE: (OOV.) He won't outrun a minnow, sir. PENN: Sir, she's boosting. She must have spotted us! (HERMACK leans forward eagerly.) HERMACK: Right! (Into communicator.) V-Master to X-X 2. Blast away! WARNE: (OOV.) Right, sir. I'll bring back a chunk of her. [SCENE_BREAK] 14. SPACE (Seconds later, the sleek, deadly minnow blasts away from the mother ship into the blackness of deep space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. CONTROL ROOM (CAVEN summons a guard into the control room.) CAVEN: There's a Space Corps lieutenant in the punishment cell under tunnel nine. He's injured. I want him brought here for questioning. GUARD: Yes, sir. CAVEN: Here's the audio-lock tuner key. (The GUARD hurries away just as DERVISH's worried face comes up on the vid-com.) DERVISH: (OOV.) This is Beta Buccaneer. Caven! There's a minnow-fighter on our tail. CAVEN: Only one? What's his range. DERVISH: (OOV.) Thirty minutes, but closing fast. And we're on maximum boost. CAVEN: Can't you hold him off long enough to reach the camouflage cone? DERVISH: (OOV.) That's just what I'm going to try and do. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK WARNE: (OOV.) X-X 2 to V-Master. I seem to have lost contact. Can you steer me in please? HERMACK: Stand by. (PENN looks at the scanner screen, where the two blips are slowly moving apart.) HERMACK: (To PENN.) Major Warne's lost her. PENN: I thought he would sir, she's doubled round. HERMACK: I'll switch it through on audio. You get an RT track for him to track on. PENN: Very good sir. (Into the communicator) This is Navigator Penn to X-X 2. Are you reading me? WARNE: (OOV.) Yes, I just don't have a nice picture of that Beta Dart any more. PENN: OK sir. Now, if you steer round seven under TDC. Now thirty-seven degrees up. (As Penn reels off the string of co-ordinates, steering the minnow by remote control, the blips started to converge.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. SPACE (A striped nose-cone hangs in space ahead of the frantically-twisting Beta Dart. The Beta Dart manoeuvres straight onto it, so that the nose-cone locks onto the front of the ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK PENN: Should be in range now sir. WARNE: (OOV.) Right. I can see her on the visual scanners. HERMACK: (To PENN.) Switch video through Ian, we might as well all enjoy this. WARNE: (OOV.) Cutting you in now, sir. (Relayed from the minnow, the image of the Beta Dart comes up on the battle- cruiser's screen. HERMACK stares unbelieving at the striped nose-cone.) HERMACK: That's an Issigri ship! Flash out! Flash out! [SCENE_BREAK] 19. SPACE (WARNE's ship pulls out and the contact is lost.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. V-SHIP, FLIGHT DECK WARNE: (OOV.) Contact broken. HERMACK: You didn't fire at her?! WARNE: (OOV.) No, sir. I was just in range when I got the flash out. What's gone wrong? HERMACK: We nearly wiped out one of the Issigri Mining Company's new freighters! WARNE: (OOV.) You mean to say that wasn't the pirate ship? Then where's it got to? (HERMACK wearily shakes his head.) HERMACK: I don't know. Anyway, we'll abort the mission. You'd better return. (Turning away from the screen, HERMACK stares thoughtfully into space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. PRISON SHAFT (The steady "Ping! Ping! Ping!" of the DOCTOR's tuning fork is beginning to drive his fellow prisoners crazy.) JAMIE: Oh Doctor, will you stop it! ZOE: What's that noise? It's getting on everybody's nerves. (The DOCTOR is indignant.) DOCTOR: You want to get out of here, don't you? JAMIE: Oh, that's not going to get us out! DOCTOR: Yes Jamie it is! An audio-lock is a simple solenoid switch which is only activated by a particular sound. It's just a question of finding it, that's all. (He gives a further succession of twangs.) JAMIE: Oh look, I can't stand any more! DOCTOR: Jamie! Jamie! (Snatching the tuning fork from the DOCTOR's hand, he hurls it at the rock wall. The tuning fork gives out a particularly jarring twang, there is a heavy grating sound, and a section of wall slides back before their astonished eyes.) DOCTOR: Jamie, you found the right note! ZOE: (To SORBA.) Oh come on, we can get away now! DOCTOR: Oh no we can't. JAMIE: What? (ZOE and JAMIE turn to see that there is an armed man on the other side of the door. The man steps forward. To their utter astonishment it is MILO CLANCEY.) MILO: I've been trying to find my way in here for the last hour. Now come on now! (Nobody moves, and MILO glares indignantly at them.) JAMIE: Come on where? MILO: What's the matter with you boy? You don't think I'm in cahoots with the pirates, do you? DOCTOR: Well they're here, you know. We've seen them. MILO: I know. They've got nothing to do with me. DOCTOR: Well it might help if you didn't point that thing in our direction. (MILO slings the blaster rifle over his shoulder.) MILO: Oh come on now! If I was in cahoots with the pirates, why would I be trying to rescue you. ZOE: We don't know that you are trying to rescue us. JAMIE: No. (MILO laughs.) MILO: That's a fine thing to say, isn't it. Didn't I get you off that beacon? You would have died if I hadn't helped you then. JAMIE: Aye, you only got us off of there because you were curious to know who we were. ZOE: And that Space Corp ship opened fire on you. JAMIE: Hmm. MILO: If that don't beat jumping grasshoppers! Now you listen to me, you three sourpusses. You're only in this pickle now because you did the very thing I told you not to do - you went wandering off into these mine workings. I've had a whale of a time trying to find you, and if you want to get out of here alive, Milo Clancey is the only person who can show you the way! (The DOCTOR starts to speak.) MILO: Now, you either come with me, or am I going to leave you here to rot? DOCTOR: Well well, well yes, yes if you put it that way... MILO: Right. Good thinking. It's about time one of you showed a bit of sense. (MILO looks at SORBA.) MILO: Who's this? SORBA: My name is Sorba. Lieutenant Sorba. JAMIE: The pirates took him prisoner when they attacked the beacon. MILO: Oh, there's no love lost between me and the Space Corp, Sonny Jim, but, well you'd better come with us I guess... DOCTOR: Shh! Shh! Somebody's coming! (They hear heavy footsteps coming towards them.) MILO: Keep back there! (He enters the cell and hides behind the open door.) GUARD: (OOV.) The door's open! (An armed guard appears out of the darkness. MILO swings the rifle from his shoulder and shoots him down.) SORBA: (To JAMIE.) Take his gun, it might come in useful. JAMIE: Right. (MILO fires at another guard and misses; the man turns and flees down the corridor. JAMIE picks up the gun.) MILO: ... ... ! A couple of years ago I'd have nailed him before he got ten yards. DOCTOR: What, you mean he got away? MILO: Aye he did. It means we're in real trouble. There... there'll be guards swarming round that tunnel now like a buzz of bees! ZOE: Oh, we'd better get away. hadn't we? MILO: We sure had, come on! (They hear the distant wailing of a siren as they exit the cell.) JAMIE: What's that? MILO: I told you, that's the alarm signal! Now come on, let's get out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. CONTROL ROOM (CAVEN is directing the hunt from his control room.) CAVEN: Where are they now? VOICE: (OOV.) They've gone through into the small bore workings on level eight. I've sent five men after them. CAVEN: I thought I told you to cordon off those lower caverns. VOICE: (OOV.) Yes, well they got through somehow. They must have used one of the old ventilators. They seem to know their way better than our own guards. (CAVEN thinks, and then speaks in a low voice.) CAVEN: Milo Clancey! VOICE: (OOV.) What was that Chief? CAVEN: There's only one man who can get through these tunnels like that. All right Jupiter, I'm coming down! I want these people either caught or killed, I don't care which, you understand? VOICE: (OOV.) Just a minute Chief... (Another voice can just be heard talking to the first voice.) VOICE: They've just passed the perimeter eye on level six! CAVEN: Level six already?! All right, listen! I want every man up to level three. Use the elevators. I want every inch of that level sealed off. And it had better done by the time I get there. (CAVEN storms out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. SHAFT (MILO is setting a cracking pace through the tunnels, up cramped iron ladders and along disused ventilator shafts. His followers are soon exhausted and SORBA, still weak from his wound, has to be almost carried.) SORBA: Milo! MILO: What? JAMIE: Can we rest a moment? MILO: Why? (SORBA thinks that they are thinking of him.) SORBA: Oh no, don't bother with me, I'm all right. ZOE: Oh, well I want a rest anyway. It's this climate. MILO: Well just for a minute then, but remember they're closing in on us all the time we stay here. DOCTOR: Oh dear! Where are we... where are we heading for, Milo? MILO: The... the Issigri Mining Company. We got to get to their headquarters. It's only a couple of levels from here now. (Boxes of abandoned equipment provide seats, and they settle down to rest.) ZOE: But didn't you say that Madeleine Issigri was your sworn enemy? MILO: Yeah, well I ah... I thought she was. I thought it was her lot that was behind all this piracy - trying to do me out of business. DOCTOR: You've changed your mind. Why? MILO: Well, I... I thought Madeleine blamed me for her father's death. Poor old Dom. He just disappeared - years ago now - I wasn't even here at the time. Then all this piracy started and Madeleine started to find argonite in workings that Dom and I had abandoned years ago. Well it all seemed to fit together somehow. ZOE: Yes, well it fits together a bit too well, if you ask me. Aren't we jumping out of the frying pan into the fire? MILO: No! No! When I found you down that shaft I recognised the leader of these pirates - he's a murderous criminal called Maurice Caven! (The DOCTOR frowns.) DOCTOR: You know this man? MILO: Yeah, I've seen his picture on home planet. He's notorious. (JAMIE hears footsteps.) JAMIE: Someone's coming. MILO: Come on, let's get out of here. (They all jump up and run.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. CORRIDOR, JUNCTION BOX (He leads them down to a side tunnel, where an old electrical junction box hangs drunkenly from the wall. Its door is dangling from one hinge, revealing a jumble of rusty electronic circuits. SORBA collapses by the wall. He tries to struggle to his feet, but slumps back.) MILO: Hey, come on there. Come on. SORBA: It's no use. MILO: Oh come on, we're almost there now! SORBA: I'll never make it. You go on. MILO: No, we've got you this far, we're not going to leave you here. DOCTOR: We could carry him Milo. (ZOE is listening to the sounds coming from down the tunnel.) ZOE: Oh Doctor, they're not far behind us! (JAMIE's face is full of the joy of battle.) JAMIE: Aye, well they won't get much further, don't worry. (Clutching the blaster rifle he took from the guard, he runs back down the tunnel.) DOCTOR: Oh Jamie, come back! MILO: He won't hold them off for long. He got no recharge units for that gun. ZOE: Oh Doctor, can't you think of something. DOCTOR: (Looking annoyed.) I'm not a magician Zoe, I... (He spots the box on the wall and starts to study it.) DOCTOR: What's this? MILO: (Glances at it.) An old power distributor box, we got one on every level. DOCTOR: Really, oh well I... I wonder if it's connected up. (The DOCTOR jiggles some wires, producing a bang and a flash and a shower of blue sparks.) DOCTOR: Oh! Oh, ooh, ooh! (The DOCTOR waves his burned fingers.) ZOE: (Trying not to laugh.) Yes, it's connected. (The DOCTOR begins rummaging through the boxes of equipment. Meanwhile, JAMIE sets the power of his blaster to maximum, takes cover behind a convenient pile of rocks and waits for his foes to come within range. The first shadowy figure appears down the tunnel. JAMIE fires, and the man drops with a yell. The others fall back. JAMIE fires again. This time his fire is returned and a chunk of rock explodes by his head. He ducks back into cover, then pops up and fires again. Back at the junction box, the DOCTOR has found a coil of metal cable and is frantically connecting one end to the junction box while ZOE unwinds the rest of the wire across the tunnel.) DOCTOR: Zoe, attach these (Pointing to her rope.) to that metal ring there. D'you see? ZOE: Yes, all right, but hurry Doctor! DOCTOR: I AM hurrying! (MILO looks on in amazement.) MILO: Wh... what's this contraption supposed to do Doctor - trip them up? (Back at the battle, a guard tries to wriggle forwards; JAMIE stops him dead with a blaster-bolt. Another tries a charge, and JAMIE drops him on the run. CAVEN rises to wave his men on. Jamie takes careful aim - and finds to his disgust that the gun is dead. Tossing it aside, he runs back down the tunnel to rejoin the others. By the time he arrives, the DOCTOR has completed his work.) DOCTOR: Right, step over the wire. MILO: What? (To SORBA.) Come on. That's it. (They both step over the wire so that it is between them and pirates.) DOCTOR: Now I'm going to... I'm going to test this, so stand clear. (He throws the switch and powerful roar can be heard.) MILO: Is that all? DOCTOR: Yes, I think it's working. (He turns to MILO and ZOE.) DOCTOR: Right now, you two, you carry along. I'll stay here and help Jamie. MILO: Right now, come on. (As MILO and ZOE help SORBA down the corridor, JAMIE comes hurtling down the tunnel towards him.) JAMIE: Doctor! DOCTOR: Now wait Jamie, wait! JAMIE: What? (The DOCTOR leaps for the switch, throwing it seconds before JAMIE hits the cat's-cradle of wire laced across the tunnel floor.) DOCTOR: Right. Look! (Pointing at the wire.) Stand clear. (The DOCTOR throws the switch again and retreats down the tunnel.) DOCTOR: Here they come! (They both run down the corridor. Realising that JAMIE's weapon is exhausted, CAVEN's guards dash confidently down the tunnel. The guard in the lead suddenly twists and falls in mid-air, sparks playing about his body. Terrified by this new, unknown danger, the guards fall back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (MADELEINE rises from behind her ornate desk in amazement as MILO Clancey and his motley companions are shown into her office by one of her guards.) MADELEINE: I thought it was some sort of joke, when my company guards told me that Milo Clancey was on his way up in the main elevator. Who are your friends? (MILO strides masterfully forwards.) MILO: No joke doll. Now look, will you do one thing for me before you start asking me any fool questions? MADELEINE: What? MILO: I want you to get onto General Hermack, and get him to get that V-ship here as soon as he can. MADELEINE: Why? MILO: There you go, asking questions! Because you're harbouring a nest of vipers down there in those mine workings, and they're on their way up here at this very moment. (MADELEINE still looks baffled; the DOCTOR intervenes.) DOCTOR: He... he means that the argonite pirates are using the old mine workings as a secret hideout. MADELEINE: (Laughing.) Argonite pirates? Oh really... MILO: (Upset.) Oh child, will you listen to me... [SCENE_BREAK] 26. CORRIDOR, JUNCTION BOX (A shot from CAVEN blows the force field and the way is clear again.) CAVEN: Right, come on! (They run on down the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27. MADELEINE'S OFFICE (MADELEINE has just been told the full story.) MADELEINE: If what you say is true and I don't believe it for one moment... MILO: (Looking very panicked.) Mean to say that you don't know of this fiend Caven? You don't know what kind of villain he is? (MADELEINE seems to realise that he is serious.) MADELEINE: Well if he is using the old mine workings as you say, then my company guards can perfectly easily take care of him. MILO: Look child, he's got a whole army of thugs out there! MADELEINE: I assure you there's no need to call in the Space Corps. I can deal with it. MILO: Ah! You're an idiot girl! (To the others.) She's as stubborn as her old man! (To MADELEINE.) Now look here child! Your guards wouldn't last five minutes against that gang of thugs out there. Now look, I am going to contact General Hermack whether you want me to or not! (MILO strides towards the vid-com console beside the desk. MADELEINE's guard pulls a gun our and aims it at MILO. He and the others look on in shock.) MADELEINE: Stop! Don't touch that call-button, Milo. (CAVEN suddenly bursts in, flanked by two armed men. SORBA is the first to react. He snatches the blaster-rifle from MADELEINE's guard and swings it round to cover CAVEN, who promptly blasts SORBA down before he can fire. CAVEN smiles coldly.) CAVEN: Anybody else want to die like a hero? (He walks over to MILO.) CAVEN: You must have walked in here with your eyes wide open, Clancey. How very naive of you. (And as his men aim their guns at the DOCTOR and crew, CAVEN points his gun squarely at MILO's head. If he fires it will be impossible for him to miss...)

The Doctor, Jamie and Zoe are held prisoner by the space pirates while Caven comes up with a plan to throw suspicion onto Clancey.

fd_Frasier_03x08

fd_Frasier_03x08_0

ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier is doing his show. Vinnie: [v.o.] Anyway, Doc, I got this thing. It's, uh, got to do with women. Frasier: Well, I sense you're having trouble finding Miss Right. Vinnie: What, are you nuts? I meet Miss Right most every night! Eager young college girls, tough career women hungry for a little R-and-R, if you know what I'm saying... Frasier: Well, you're leaving precious little room for misinterpretation. But I sense, despite these frequent dalliances, that you're still not truly happy. Vinnie: Well, sure I am. It's just that I lost a pinky ring in one of their houses - star sapphire, beautiful thing. I figured if I went public with it on your show, I had a pretty good chance of getting it back. Roz rolls her eyes. Noel Shempsky comes into her booth and shows her a piece of paper. Frasier: Well, Vinnie, it's obvious you know nothing about this show, or how to treat women. But even more appalling, you know even less about jewelry! A pinkie no more needs a ring than a neck needs a gold medallion! Vinnie: Just shoot me, why don't you? Frasier: I'd be delighted! [disconnects Vinnie] We'll be right back after this. He goes to commercial. Roz comes into his booth, and Noel sticks his head in after her. Noel: Hi, Dr. Crane. Roz shuts the door in his face. Roz: He's driving me crazy! Frasier: Well, Roz, we can't all choose our admirers. Roz: It's gone way beyond the admiring stage. Have you seen this petition he's got going around? Noel comes in through the other door. Noel: Hi, Dr. Crane. Could you sign this petition someone "anonymously" posted in the lunchroom? It's to the talented producers of "Star Trek," suggesting a new character. Frasier: [reading] "The all-powerful space vixen... Rozalinda!" Noel looks mooningly at Roz; she gives him a sour smile. Frasier: "Four-breasted queen of the planet Rozniak!" I'll sign that. Roz: Frasier! Frasier: [signing it] Well, Roz, television will never improve unless the viewers speak out! Noel: Thanks. I'd better go. Well, [makes the Vulcan salute at Roz] live long and prosper! Roz: Oh, just go! [Noel leaves] I am the joke of the station. When I used to come in in the morning the guard would say, "Morning, Roz." Now it's "All hail, Rozalinda!" Frasier: Roz, I think you should be flattered. Noel's attempt to immortalize you is-is akin to... a love poem written by Robert Browning to his wife. Roz: Did he ever write a poem where he gave her two extra breasts? Frasier: Well, I'd have to check my English Lit notes, but I think not, no. The phone on his console rings; he answers. Frasier: Hello? Yes? Niles, Niles, slow down, I can hardly understand you! Roz: What is it? Frasier: Maris is missing! [Roz gasps] What? No, I don't think you should drag the koi pond! Listen, I'll be right over! All right, just hang tight! [hangs up] Roz, Roz, how much time left in the show? Roz: No, you go, do whatever you have to do; I'll handle things here. Frasier: You're sure you can manage? Roz: If I can nurse quadruplets and still find time to rule Rozniak, I can do anything! Frasier grabs his jacket and briefcase and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] THANK GOD GUCCI WAS CLOSED Scene Two - Niles's House Frasier comes in the front door. Daphne is pacing the living room; Martin is on the couch with the phone in his hand. Frasier: All right, what's going on? Martin: Yeah, Maris is really gone; I'm on the phone with the station right now. Daphne: Apparently she just vanished. No note, nothing. Niles comes in through the glass doors, looking like hell. Niles: Oh, Frasier, thank God you're here. [hugs Frasier] Daphne: Any news, Dr. Crane? Niles: No, no, I asked the neighbors if they'd seen any strange cars in the neighborhood. One reported spotting something called a "minivan." But that was weeks ago! Frasier: Well, there's no need to panic, Niles. I'm sure she's all right. Daphne: Oh, dear me... [picks up the poker from the fireplace] I don't want to alarm you, Dr. Crane, but I'm getting a very strong vibration off this. Niles: Oh, dear God. Daphne: I can see Mrs. Crane. She's waving this poker around and screaming, "You thief! Get out! You'll never get away with this!" Niles: Wait... no, I remember. That's what she said to the decorator when he tried to double-bill her for the andirons. Daphne: I was wondering why the intruder was wearing Toreador pants. Martin: [into phone] Yeah, Mike, I'm still here. Yeah, that's right, she's been missing three days. Frasier: Uh, excuse me? She's been missing for three days and you're just panic-stricken now? Niles: I only just realized it. The last two nights, I knocked on Maris's bedroom door to wish her goodnight and I was greeted with a chilly silence, so naturally I assumed everything was status quo. Martin: [into phone] Uh, thin. Make that VERY thin. Caucasian. VERY Caucasian. Niles: Oh God, what could be happening to her? Martin: Oh, wait, wait, you got something? O.K., uh-huh, O.K. [to Niles] Mike ran a check on Maris's credit cards, there's been a whole bunch of charges in New York. Niles: Oh, God. She's been kidnapped. Someone's using her credit cards. Martin: [into phone] Yeah, O.K., slow down. Armani... Valentino... Cartier... Tiffany... Niles: Any restaurants? Martin: Any restaurants? [to Niles] Not a one. Niles: [springing up with joy] She's alive! Frasier: Oh, Niles! You're certain! Niles: Oh, yes! From that list, she's recreating her infamous "Sakes alive, I'm thirty-five" shopping spree! Martin: O.K., Mike, thanks a lot. Yeah, I owe you. Bye. [hangs up] Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, I'm so relieved. Niles: Oh, so am I. I'm exhausted. I was so scared. He notices that Frasier is quiet and dour. Niles: Frasier? What's wrong? You look positively uncelebratory. Aren't you glad Maris is O.K.? Frasier: Of course I am. It's just that... well, here you are, all panic-stricken and scared to death, and she's off on some shopping trip! Don't you find that the least bit upsetting? Niles: Yes, I suppose her behavior was a tad inconsiderate. Frasier: Well, she left without so much as a note or a phone call! Martin: Frasier, stay out of this. It's between Niles and his wife. Frasier: You know, I'm sorry, Dad, but this is not the first time we've experienced Maris's selfish behavior! She always puts her needs before his! She never attends family functions! Doesn't that make you angry? Niles: Well, over the years I've learned to accept Maris's eccentricities. Frasier: Oh, she's not being eccentric. She's being arrogant and selfish! Martin: If he says he's not angry, he's not angry. Niles: And even if I were angry, what would you have me do? Frasier: Let it out! Niles: Well, I am letting it out! [holds out his hands] I'm getting hives! Frasier: Well, that is a triumph of self-expression! My God, man, why don't you just let out some of the words that you're dying to say? Niles: Oh God, I am so sick of you and your relentless psychobabble! He grabs a glass knick-knack off the piano and smashes it to the floor. Frasier: A-ha! You're not angry at me! That was directed at Maris! Niles: Nope, that was for you! This is for Maris! He grabs another knick-knack and hurls it into the fireplace. Martin: Whoa! O.K., all right, Niles, now you got it out of your system! Niles: Yes, but it felt so good! Let me do one more! He runs around the room, grabbing various valuables and smashing them. Frasier: All right, Niles, this is good, this is healthy! But you've got to channel it! You must talk to Maris! Niles grabs a Ming vase. Daphne: Oh no, wait! That's beautiful! [grabs a porcelain "Commodore" statue] Here, this one's hideous! Martin: Hey, I gave him that for a wedding present! Niles: Well, all right, here! Niles continues to smash things. Marta comes down and sees. Marta: [gasps] Dios Mio! Niles: [smashing] Oh, Marta! This feels wonderful! You must try it! Marta picks up something and smashes it. She grins and nods. Niles: I meant at your house. Headlights shine in the driveway. Martin: Oh my God, it's Maris! Niles: Maris?! What?! You said she was in New York! Martin: Well, I don't know, she probably flew back! Martin and Niles ad-lib bickering for a second. Niles: All right, all right, no one panic, there's an easy solution to this! [grabs another vase] Frasier, bash me on the head with this, we'll tell Maris there was a break-in! Frasier: Niles, Niles, stop it! God, you are the damaged party here, not Maris! Niles: But-but-but-but the mess! Frasier: This mess is the physical manifestation of years of repressed anger! It's time to draw a line in the sand and say, "I have had enough!" My God, man, show her your mess! Niles: You're right. It's time I told Maris I will not tolerate this behavior. I'm going up there and I'm going to demand an apology! Frasier: Good for you! Niles walks to the stairs. Before going up, he takes the Ming vase and tosses it over his shoulder, smashing it. Niles: I always hated that dynasty. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment Later that evening, Daphne, Martin, and Frasier are riding the elevator up. Daphne: How're you feeling, Mr. Crane? Martin: I'm fine, I wish you'd quit asking me. Frasier: Well, it's a reasonable question for a man who just ate a cut of prime rib the size of a hatbox. Martin: Well, whose fault's that? You're the one who was too embarrassed to walk out with a doggie bag. For what it cost, that meat was coming with me, one way or another! The elevator stops at their floor, and they step off. Daphne: [checking her watch] Goodness, we've been gone three hours. Probably have a dog with a full bladder in there. Frasier: Lord, let's hope so. As soon as Daphne unlocks the door, Eddie runs out with his leash and into the elevator. Martin: Hey, Daphne, how do you feel about taking him for a walk? I just want to get in there and unbuckle my pants - since I wasn't allowed to at the restaurant! Daphne: Oh, sure. We all know how Eddie needs his exercise. I mean, we wouldn't want all that fatty meat he eats clogging up his aging arteries until his poor old heart gives out. Martin: Oh and, uh, why don't you pick up some half-and-half at the corner store too? Daphne: Get moving, old man! She hauls him into the elevator with her and Eddie, and they ride down. As Frasier steps into the living room, Niles steps in from the kitchen. His jacket is off, his shirtsleeves rolled up, he has an open Ballantine in one hand and the rest of the six-pack in the other. Niles: There y'are! Frasier: Niles? Niles: Sorry to startle you, I let myself in. Want a beer? Frasier: No. Niles: I have to thank you for putting me in touch with my anger. I had no idea how therapeutic it was to just pick something up and smash it! As he says this, he lays a hand on one of Frasier's African sculptures. Frasier steps forward and surreptitiously puts his hand on the base. Frasier: Well... you're welcome, Niles. But, um, how did things go with Maris? Niles: Oh! Niles goes to sit on the couch. Frasier removes the sculpture to a safe place. Niles: I marched into her room and demanded an explanation. It seems that over lunch with her garden club, Maris heard that the new Couture lines had arrived in New York. So she hied her way to the airport, and in her haste she forgot to leave me a note. Frasier: Unbelievable! Niles: Just thinking about it makes me furious! Frasier: Really? Niles: Yes! Frasier removes the breakables from the table behind the couch. Niles: So I told her, "Maris, you were inconsiderate, and when you are ready to apologize, I can be reached at Frasier's!" Then I stormed out and slammed the door. Of course, it was that fourteenth-century Bavarian cathedral door, so I had to get two of the servants to help me slam it. But what it lacked in spontaneity it made up for in resonance! Frasier: Well, Niles, you know I'm not usually one to toot my own horn, but I think in this case I was on the mark. You feel good, don't you? Niles: I feel great! Frasier: You feel empowered? Niles: So empowered! Frasier: And you'd like to switch to wine now, wouldn't you? Niles: Oh, please. As Niles puts down the beer can and wipes off his tongue, the phone rings. Frasier answers. Frasier: Hello? Oh, hello, Maris. Yes, Niles is here. I'll see if he's available. Frasier and Niles wait for a few seconds, letting her stew, then Niles takes the phone. Niles: Hello, Maris. Mmm-Hmm. Well, I know you're not used to me speaking to you that way. That's rather the point, wouldn't you agree? Uh-huh. I see. Well, thank you. I know this was a very difficult call for you to make. Goodbye. Niles hangs up. Frasier gives him a thumbs-up. Niles: She wants a divorce. Frasier drops his thumb to a half-and-half position. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene One - Frasier's Apartment It's later that night. Martin, Frasier, and Niles, are in the living room. Niles has just hung up the phone. Niles: It's no use. She still won't talk to me. Martin: Oh, just give her time to cool off. Call her again in the morning. Frasier: Geez, you must be exhausted, Niles. Why don't you call it a day and get some rest, huh? Niles: Do you have a blanket for me? Martin: Oh now, Niles, you've been going through a rough time lately, you're not sleeping on any couch. You can sleep in Frasier's bed. Frasier: What? Niles: You're sure it wouldn't be too much trouble? Martin: No trouble. Niles: I wouldn't want to impose. Martin: No, don't worry about it, you're family. Niles: Thank you. Niles goes down the hallway to Frasier's room. Frasier: Well, that was very generous of you. Martin: Well, it's the least you can do after getting him kicked out of the house. Frasier: Well, Dad, I was just trying to do what's right for him. Martin: Well, trust me. I handled domestic disputes for thirty years. The first rule is, don't take sides. Frasier: Well, it's just a little difficult when it happens to be your own brother. Martin: Well, that's the second rule. When it's your own family, keep your nose out of their personal problems. Frasier gets up and gets his coat. Frasier: This is starting to make some sense. Martin: Well, maybe you should listen to your old man once in a while. Frasier: I know. Martin: I mean, I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, I'm just a cop. Frasier: But a darn good one. Martin: You're going to talk to Maris, aren't you? Frasier: I'll be back in an hour. Frasier leaves. Martin shakes his head. [SCENE_BREAK] WHAT LIGHT BREAKS THROUGH YONDER WINDOW Scene Two - Niles's House Marta is sweeping up the last of the mess in the living room. Frasier is standing outside the glass doors. Frasier: Don't ignore me, Marta! Marta: Go away! Frasier: Let me in, I need to speak with Mrs. Crane! Marta: Missy Crane say, no you Dr. Crane, no other Dr. Crane, and no Crane with a cane! Frasier: Well, at least tell her that I'm here! Marta: She know. Everybody know. Marta goes up the stairs, turning off the light. Frasier steps back and looks up at the second floor. Frasier: Maris? Maris, we need to talk! Oh, look, look, I know you're up there, I can see you through the shutters! All right, if you won't talk, listen! Niles didn't ask me to come here, I came because I care about both of you. I realize that Niles spoke to you rather harshly today. Truth be told, is it was I that urged him to express his anger. As hard as it was for you to listen to such criticism, you're a fair-minded woman and you must concede that he had a right to be upset! [the window opens] Oh! Oh, Maris! By opening that window you're opening up a window to a long and happy marriage, that's good! A bucket of water is dumped on his head; he splutters for a few seconds. Frasier: All right, you're expressing your anger! That's good, too! But, listen, in spite of that last little outburst, I am not going to leave here until we've had some sort of a breakthrough! [attack dogs barking] Well, I see our time is up, I'll let myself out! He runs like hell. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment The next morning. Frasier is standing in front of the open refrigerator. Eddie is sitting on the floor behind him, staring. Frasier: I know you're there. After last night, frankly, I've had quite enough of your kind. Daphne tiptoes in, grinning mischievously. Frasier: You can stare all you like. I'm not going to give you anything to eat. Daphne whimpers like a puppy. Frasier: Oh, all right, here. You might as well finish off this god- awful Shepherd's Pie that Daphne made. Lord knows it isn't fit for humans. [turns around and sees her] Did that sound like "humans?" I said "Mormons." Daphne: You're not at your quickest first thing in the morning, are you? Frasier: Well, it was a rough night. Martin: [coming in] Well, maybe next time you'll listen to your old man and not come between a husband and his wife. Frasier: And here's Dad, all sleep-refreshed and bright-eyed, ready to resume his lecture! They bring the fixings for breakfast out to the dining table. A blanket on the couch shows where Niles slept, but there's no sign of him except a note on the table. Daphne: Oh look, your brother left us a note. Frasier: [reading] "Dear Dad, Frasier, & Daphne: when you wake up this morning I'll be gone. Thank you for all your help, but I don't want to be a burden any longer." Daphne: You don't think... no, I'm sure this is all completely harmless. Martin: Yeah, my gun's still locked up... and the door to the balcony's closed... Frasier: And we all know that Daphne's Shepherd's Pie is still in the refrigerator. Daphne gives him a dirty look. Niles comes in the door with a shopping bag. Niles: Hi-ho, everyone! What are you all doing inside on such a beautiful, clear autumn day? Frasier: Niles, you seem awfully chipper this morning. Niles: Well, I woke up this morning and I had a realization. Like it or not, my life is changing. I'm single now, so I went out and rented a bachelor pad. Ooh, is that coffee? Martin: Don't you think that's jumping the gun a little bit? Niles: Oh no, Dad. Maris, uh, ordered me to get my stuff out of there by sundown, or else she'd turn it over to a church bazaar. Oh, and I got these jeans! [pulls a new pair of jeans out of the shopping bag] Right? Right? And I'm starting a goatee, and I'm thinking of joining a gym, but I don't know whether aerobics or weight training is the quickest route to "buff!" Any thoughts? Frasier: One thought: seek help! Niles, you've just been through a very traumatic experience here and you are deep in denial here. You are going through some very extreme emotions right now, and rather than feeling them, you're denying they even exist. Niles: I'm not denying my feelings. I'm so in tune with my emotions that I was able to move through them quickly. In fact, I've logged them all in my journal. He takes out a small notebook and reads from it. Niles: Let's see, where are we? Here... [reading] "5 AM: Blissful confusion. Something's happened, but what?" "5:01: Ah, yes. An overwhelming sense of emptiness and despair." "5:07..." - this one's hard to read... oh, right! - "Wept uncontrollably." "6:15: All cried out. Hungry now. Ate entire box of Frosted Flakes, they're gr-r-r-reat!" [closes journal] So don't you tell me I'm not in touch with my emotions! He exits. Martin: "9:45: get out the butterfly net." [SCENE_BREAK] DENIAL AIN'T JUST A RIVER Scene Four - Niles's House Niles is standing to the living room, addressing the assembled household staff. Frasier and Marta are on the couch. Niles: It's not easy for me to say goodbye, especially after so many years - all we've shared, all that we've meant to one another. Jean-Pierre, Marie, Bernard - thank you for your years of devoted service. As a personal favor, please look after Mrs. Crane. It'll be just you and her from now on. The staff look anxiously at Marta. Marta: Uh, the staff, they have a question: Can we come with you? Niles: Marta, I'm afraid this is a road I must walk alone. The staff file away. Frasier: Must be very painful, isn't it? Niles: Painful doesn't begin to describe it. But they're strong, they'll get over it. [some moving men come down carrying boxes; Niles goes over to them] Oh, watch that, careful with those! Frasier: Look at him, Dad. My God, he's locked in denial! Martin: Oh, for God's sake. First you get him to move out, then when he does he's not upset enough for you. There's no pleasing you! Frasier: Well, what would please me would be to see him actually experience some real emotion! My God, he's walking through this thing like a zombie! Niles: Well, that's everything. Shall we? Martin: You know, there's no hurry, Niles. Niles: Well, actually there is. I have aerobics at five, and then I'm meeting with my decorator at six-thirty. Off we go! Frasier and Martin get up and head for the door. Niles starts to follow them, then stops and turns around. Niles: Have I got my wallet? [pats pocket] Yes. [turns to leave, but turns back again] Have I got my checkbook? [pats other pocket] Yes. [turns to leave, but turns back again] Have I lost my MIND?! I can't leave! This is my home! You're not taking me! He slams the glass doors shut, with Martin and Frasier outside. Frasier: Niles, Niles, open the door! Niles: Nope, nope, bye-bye! Thanks for coming, I'll tell Maris you sent your best! Frasier and Martin push their way back in. Martin: Now, Niles, calm down. Frasier: No, no, don't calm down! Let it out! This is very healing! Niles: Don't you ever let up? Martin: Look, everything's gonna be fine. Niles: No, it isn't. There's no life for me out there! Martin: You're just excited. Niles: I don't want to be a bachelor. I didn't like it the first time. Frasier: Niles, look, just sit down for a second, O.K.? Niles: Where, Frasier? [wanders around the room; puts his hand on an armchair] Here, in the chair that Maris and I picked out on our honeymoon in Vienna? [goes to the piano] Or here, where I sit Sunday mornings playing Mahler while Maris dabs at her watercolors? [goes to the fireplace] Perhaps here, where we sipped champagne on our last anniversary. Guess that really was our last anniversary. Frasier: Oh, Niles... Marta comes down the stairs. Marta: Dr. Crane? Niles: Yes, Marta? Marta: Missy Crane give me message for you: if you say is all your fault, you no have to leave. Niles: ...I can stay? Marta: She waiting upstairs. Marta goes back up the stairs. There is silence for a moment. Frasier: Niles, before you make your decision, just make sure that you're remembering things the way they really were. Yes, you bought that chair on your honeymoon in Vienna. But remember, you wanted to buy the chair that you saw in Paris. Yes, you sit at the piano every Sunday morning and play Mahler for Maris. But you hate Mahler! Besides Maris, who doesn't?! Martin: Look, just give him a little air here... Frasier: Look, all I'm saying is that along with the good things in your marriage, there were problems - things you said you couldn't live with anymore. Now if you want those to change, you have got to stand up to her. If you back down now, you will go through the rest of your life feeling weak and small because you never had the courage to say, "I will not let you treat me like this, Lilith! ...Maris!" Niles and Martin stare at him. Frasier: Well, I've lost all credibility here. Dad, would you please say something? Martin: I told you, I'm not telling him what to do. Niles: I wouldn't mind knowing what you think. Martin: It doesn't matter what I think. What matters is what you think. Now if you want to walk up those stairs, we'll support you. If you want to go out that door, we'll support you there, too. Niles thinks for a few moments, then walks toward the stairs. Martin: What are you, nuts?! You're gonna go up there and grovel to that woman after what she did to you?! Niles: Actually, I was just going to get my car keys. [picks them up off the table by the stairs] But thanks for the impartial advice, Dad. Frasier and Martin walk out the glass doors. Niles follows them. He pauses on the threshold, looking around the living room, then closes the doors behind him and walks away from the house. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] KACL Roz comes into the radio booth with a clipboard. She notices a gift box sitting on her console. As she picks it up, a gang of staffers excitedly crowd around the window. Roz opens the box. Inside is a four-cup bra - two bras sewn together, one on top of the other. She rolls her eyes, then holds it over her chest to see if it fits. Then she turns and sees the staffers laughing, bowing up and down and saying "Hail, Queen Rozalinda!" Roz runs out of her booth and chases them down the hallway.

Maris has been missing without trace for three days. Frantic, Niles is convinced that she has been kidnapped, but Maris' recent credit card transactions are checked, indicating that she is merely indulging in a shopping expedition in New York City, and Niles is relieved. Frasier, on the other hand, is annoyed by Maris' lack of concern in going on a shopping spree without a word. He persuades Niles to stand up to his wife for a change and confront her about her selfishness, which he does. However, rather than apologising, Maris demands a divorce and throws Niles out. Frasier feels responsible, and gives Niles sanctuary at his place, but is unable to talk Maris round. Eventually Maris agrees to take Niles back on the condition that he apologize to her; he cannot decide whether to do so.

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"The Conman in the Meth Lab" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open on a State Police training ground, an old quarry. A State Police Instructor stands facing a class of cadets) STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: Alright Cadets, listen up. What I am cradling, lovingly, in my arms is an M203 40mm canister launcher. (He holds it up to show the cadets). What's it for? Cadet Williams. CADET WILLIAMS: TEAR GAS. STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: That's right. That, (indicates a trailer nearby) is a meth lab, our boys took it three days ago. How do you think they did that? CADET WILLIAMS: TEAR GAS. STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: WRONG. And that is why we are here. I'm gonna demonstrate for you why we DON'T fire tear gas into a meth lab. (Aims weapon at trailer, fires shot through a window) (The trailer explodes in a fireball; something is flung from the trailer by the explosion and lands on the windshield of a vehicle in front of them. It is a charred body) STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: (hesitantly) We're gonna need a, er a fire extinguisher, then maybe some sort of ... trauma counselor. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: The Hoover building. Int. Sweets' Office. Sweets sits facing the door, waiting. Booth enters.) BOOTH: Hey 'm sorry I'm late. (We see Brennan sitting opposite Sweets. Booth sits next to her.) BRENNAN: Well according to Sweets chronic lateness is a way of asserting control. SWEETS: That's right. BOOTH: So you believe that? DR BENNAN: No, I figured there was traffic or something kept you at work. BOOTH: Exactly, work. Work Bones okay. I was putting the final touches on a case that's about to propel me into FBI legendary status. BRENNAN: Ah the big RICO case (Booth glares at her) ...that I'm not supposed to know anything about. SWEETS: Why don't I know about this case? BOOTH: (Whispers) Bones, its top secret. SWEETS: But you told Dr Brennan. BOOTH: She's my partner okay. (Turns to Brennan) Indictments any minute followed by a pay raise, possible parade and most definitely my face on a coin. (Indicates his face.) SWEETS: Just in time for your birthday. BOOTH: Which I will be spending in, Ha-wai-i. Uh look at that, ha, shark adventures. (Hands Sweets and Brennan brochures.) BRENNAN: Sharks? (Booths cell phone rings.) SWEETS Oh, I really wish that you wouldn't... BOOTH: (Answers phone) Booth. SWEETS: ... answer your phone. BOOTH: (Into phone) Jared. (He stands. To Sweets) Oh god, give me that. (Booth snatches the brochure from Sweets hand). BRENNAN: That's his brother. SWEETS: Booth has a brother. BOOTH: (Into phone) Sounds good. I'll see you then. (Closes phone and sits down) BRENNAN: Don't feel bad, I've never met him either. SWEETS: At least you knew he existed. (Booth and Brennan's cell phones ring simultaneously) BRENNAN: (To Sweets) Yeah. (Booth and Brennan stand and look at their phones. They turn to leave.) SWEETS: Okay that's enough for today because obviously you have to go look at some horribly dismembered... (Door slams behind Booth and Brennan) ...human remains. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: The training ground. Brennan is examining the remains on the vehicle's windshield. The State Police Instructor approaches Booth who is nearby. FBI personnel are working in the background.) BOOTH: Any idea how the body got in there. STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: I guess anyone could have done it anytime in the last three days. BRENNAN: Male, 45 to 50 years old. Do we know where the rest of the remains are? STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: Yes, uh, one leg is over there, the other's over there and the arm is over there (he nods his head to indicate locations). Did I kill this man? BRENNAN: No. STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: Okay. BRENNAN: This man was shot in the chest. STATE POLICE INSTRUCTOR: Would you be all upset if I had a little cry? (He turns away). BOOTH: Yeah, take your time. (To Brennan) Uh, what's that there on the inside of his pocket? BRENNAN: (Removes a charred notebook and leafs through it) This man was obviously some kind of technical designer or engineer. BOOTH: Squint huh, one of your own. [SCENE_BREAK] (Titles) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: The Jeffersonian. Int. Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins and Angela are walking through the lab looking at several laminated sheets). HODGINS: So these are from the notebook found in our victim's windbreaker? ANGELA: Blueprints, schematics, sketches. HODGINS: Automatic toilet scrubber, looks like those little vacuum cleaners that move around on their own. ANGELA: Things in a toilet bowl should not move. Alright, look at this, this is a, a snow shovel with an attached heating device. HODGINS: Wow, our victim was an inventor. (Clark appears and clears his throat) ANGELA: Clark, hey. (She runs up and hugs him) CLARK: Oh god, here we go. ANGELA: Really, you came back, huh? HODGINS: You said you didn't want to work with us anymore. CLARK: No, I said my preferred working style tends towards the professional. See my tie? That's an indicator. ANGELA: Mmm-hmm, so why'd you come back then? (Angela turns to walk into her office, Hodgins and Clark follow). CLARK: Because this is the finest forensics facility in the world. HODGINS: Wanna fly MiGs, you fly MiG alley right. CLARK: A Korean War reference. You do know that we have a brand new war right? It's, uh, been in the news. (Angela looks closely at one sheet and puts the rest down). ANGELA: Yeah, I got a form letter here from the Patent Office. CLARK: Ah, good, work. (He reaches for the sheet, Angela pulls it away). ANGELA: Aren't you the least bit curious about whether Hodgins and I are back together or not? CLARK: And... not work. Am I the only one that can tell the difference here? Is there a name on that letter? ANGELA: No, there's a patent application number. We can find out who filed it. HODGINS: Coleoptera just started feeding on the Diptera larva meaning our victim died about three days ago. CLARK: Thank you. (He leaves the office). HODGINS: (Calling after Clark). Aren't you impressed that Angela and I can still work together so well? (Clark turns and pulls out his tie). [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. The forensics platform. The remains are laid out on a table Brennan is examining them. She lifts the head up to look underneath). BRENNAN: Ah... there's no obvious exit wound. (We see Cam also looking at the remains.) CAM: That suggests a .22 or .25 caliber. I'll keep my eyes open. (Clark arrives at the platform). CLARK: Multiple points of possible ante-mortem in-bending with concomitant fracture. (He brings up x-rays on a screen) CAM: These abrasions are patterned. Repeated blows with a perforated surface? (Booth and Jared Booth ascend steps to the platform) JARED: Camille. (Cam approaches Booth and Jared). CAM: Jarhead, it's really you. JARED: Jarheads are marines. I'm a Lieutenant Commander in the Navy, not an acceptable mistake. CAM: He's getting so big. Soon he'll be wanting a later curfew and a car of his own. BOOTH: Jared, this here is my partner Dr. Temperance Brennan, that back there (indicates Clark) is a squint. Bones, this is my little brother. (Brennan removes her gloves and approaches Jared). JARED: Bones. BOOTH: (To Jared) Dr. Brennan. (Jared and Brennan shake hands). BRENNAN: Ah it is nice to meet you Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. (She looks closely at his face). Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's. JARED: (To Booth.) Is she coming on to me? BOOTH: No it's just the way she talks. JARED: Right. CAM: So, the Pentagon huh? JARED: You're looking at the new head of Strategic Plans and Policy. BOOTH: Basically he runs the place. So, uh, Cam, Jared has a favor he'd like to ask. JARED: I can ask my own favors Seeley. BOOTH: Okay, go ahead. (Brennan moves away). JARED: There's a cocktail party tonight. I'm in need of a beautiful woman on my arm, preferably a very smart one. BRENNAN: I'm quite intelligent. BOOTH: No. Not that you're not intelligent, I mean you are intelligent. CAM: I would be delighted. (Angela comes to the platform with some papers) ANGELA: I've got a hit on the patent application, filed by somebody named Paul Stegman. (She hands Booth a document). I've got an address, there. Whoa, there's more than one Booth. I'm Angela. Montenegro. JARED: Jared Booth. ANGELA: Hi. BOOTH: Okay, uh Jared, uh Bones and I have to work on a case so... JARED: Yeah, no problem. I will, uh, grab a cab and get settled into my new place. BOOTH: Okay JARED: It was very nice to meet you all, and Cam I will pick you up at your place, say seven. CAM: Sounds good. JARED: Alright. (He leaves the platform). BRENNAN: (Aside to Angela.) Are you thinking of leaving lesbianism behind? ANGELA: I prefer not to be labeled, okay. BOOTH: (To Clark) Well, since you were last here Angela ran into her ex-girlfriend, who is now her ex-ex-girlfriend. CLARK: Well, the only ex I care about are X-rays. BOOTH: Right. CLARK: Apologize for the pun. (He leaves). BOOTH: Yeah, don't give up your day job kid. Okay Bones, what say we go and solve a murder, huh? Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. the Stegman House. Paul and Lily Stegman sit on the couch. Booth and Brennan sit opposite) BOOTH: The remains are those of a man in his fifties, bearded. BRENNAN: Five foot ten, approximately 195 pounds. PAUL STEGMAN: That matches the description of my father. LILY STEGMAN: Was the, uh victim wearing a blue windbreaker with yellow piping? (Booth hands over a photo) PAUL STEGMAN: Yeah, that... that's my windbreaker. (He stands). LILY STEGMAN: He borrowed it Paul. One of your notebooks must have been in the pocket. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw your father? PAUL STEGMAN: Er... er, three days ago. LILY STEGMAN: Was he drunk? He used to go on binges. PAUL STEGMAN: Lily! BOOTH: How often did your, uh, father go on drinking binges? PAUL STEGMAN: We don't really know. LILY STEGMAN: Jim had just come back into our lives. He said he quit drinking. PAUL STEGMAN: He walked out on me and my mom when I was a kid. LILY STEGMAN: His father wrapped his car round a tree drunk driving, Paul was injured and so was his mom. PAUL STEGMAN: He broke both his legs, but, soon as he got crutches he was gone. BRENNAN: How did he find you again? PAUL STEGMAN: There was an article about me in this magazine. Dad read it, called me, said he had cleaned up his act, wanted to reconnect. (Lily Stegman passes a framed copy of the article to Brennan.) PAUL STEGMAN: So we invited him to stay with us. BOOTH: Did your father have any run-ins recently? PAUL STEGMAN: (Now seated again). Was my father murdered? BRENNAN: We think it may be foul play, yes. (Lily Stegman looks nervous) BOOTH: Mrs. Stegman? LILY STEGMAN: The day before your father disappeared I came home from school, I teach fifth grade, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I, I saw Mike leaving the house, he looked upset. BRENNAN: Who's Mike? PAUL STEGMAN: Mike Campbell. We used to be business partners, but we're still friends. LILY STEGMAN: Your dad said he caught Mike taking something from your workshop. PAUL STEGMAN: Yeah, we loan each other tools all the time. I mean I bet dad just didn't understand that. BOOTH: Well I'm gonna need Mike's number. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Mike Campbell's workshop. The door opens, Mike Campbell enters followed by Brennan.) BOOTH: (His voice is heard from outside.) So there, is it true that you borrowed his tools? (Booth enters. Brennan is looking around). MIKE CAMPBELL: What? I didn't borrow anything. BOOTH: Well then Mr. Campbell what were you doing at, uh the Stegman house? MIKE CAMPBELL: I went to confront his dad. BOOTH: 'Bout what? MIKE CAMPBELL: When I get stuck on one of my projects I like to do a little off track betting. Making predictions based on statistical models clears my head. (Booth looks to Brennan) BRENNAN: Makes complete sense. MIKE CAMPBELL: Yeah. So, uh, that day I go in and there's Paul's dad. He's placing bets and taking hits off of a flask. BRENNAN: Indicating that he hadn't really stopped drinking. MIKE CAMPBELL: I confronted him and then the old geezer slammed me against a wall and told me to mind my own business. BOOTH: So then you left? MIKE CAMPBELL: That's right. But then he disappeared so I figured why should I spoil Paul's last memories of his old man. BRENNAN: Your inventions are much more industrial than Paul Stegman's. MIKE CAMPBELL: Yeah, uh that's why we stopped being partners. Paul's more into toys and gadgets. (Brennan looks at a grating) Oh that is part of a pressurized industrial sieve. Its application's in the sewerage industry. BRENNAN: This grating could have caused the damage to Jim's face. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Booth's car. Booth is driving Brennan is in the passenger seat. His cell phone rings) BOOTH: (Answers cell on speaker) Booth. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Int. Cam's office. Cam sits at her desk, Jared leans. The scene cuts between speakers during the phone conversation.) JARED: Did you catch the murderer? BRENNAN: We subpoenaed a possible murder weapon. CAM: Not a bad day's work. JARED: More important than catching a murderer, I'm dateless tonight. BOOTH: What happened to Cam? CAM: Oddly I think it's more important to catch this murderer. I'm working. JARED: So who else you got for me Seeley? BOOTH: What am I, your pimp? JARED: Don't think I'm not appreciative. BRENNAN: Clark has everything under control so I could go. BOOTH: What? JARED: Really? BOOTH: Huh. JARED: Thank you. BOOTH: No. JARED: Wha... w, wait this is Bones, right? Not some ugly FBI woman with a moustache. BRENNAN: I don't have a moustache Jared. JARED: Seeley would you mind? BOOTH: Mmm No, why would I mind. 'S alright. JARED: Which means this is a great time to hang up. BOOTH: Um-hmm. (He flips his phone closed). [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Int. Bone Room. Brennan enters in evening wear. She is fiddling with her earring) BRENNAN: What did you find? CLARK: It's what I didn't find that's interesting. (He notices her outfit) You have got to be kidding me. BRENNAN: What? CLARK: Oh nothing nothing, nothing Dr. Brennan, I just er didn't know that you were so er... The murder victim was supposed to be a long term heavy drinker, yet his bones show no signs of alcoholic osteoporosis. (We see that Clark is viewing X-rays on a large screen.) BRENNAN: There's no damage to the cancellous structure of the long bones either. CLARK: Furthermore, he was supposed to have broken his legs in a car accident approximately 25 years ago. BRENNAN: There's no signs of remodeling. CLARK: No. These legs were never broken. We misidentified the victim. He is not Paul Stegman's father. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: The Whitehouse: The Rose Garden. A cocktail party is underway. Jared in Naval uniform, drink in hand, stands talking to a group of other uniformed officers.) JARED: Thank you General, appreciated. Would you gentlemen excuse me please? (Jared leaves the group and moves towards a seated Brennan. A waiter passes and holds out a tray.) WAITER: Champagne? JARED: (Takes a glass) Thank you. (He hands champagne to Brennan.) Don't tell me you're sorry you came? BRENNAN: No, not at all. (Jared sits and clinks her glass.) It is not often I get to observe people this powerful in a relaxed situation. JARED: Don't be fooled, it's a school of piranhas in here. (They both laugh.) BRENNAN: You're good at this. They listen to you when you speak. JARED: You wanna know the secret? (He leans in close to her.) You have an incredibly beautiful, incredibly intelligent scientist slash novelist sitting alone waiting for you to bring her a drink. (Brennan laughs.) Nah, it's too corny. BRENNAN: Definitely. (Jared laughs) I was thinking how Booth would be bored, at a function like this. JARED: This kind of event would make Seeley very nervous. I don't mean he's incapable, my brother's very very capable. It's just, it's like Seeley's afraid of success. He stays in his comfort zone. Drove our dad nuts. (He sips his drink). BRENNAN: Really? JARED: Maybe that's what made him a good sniper. He doesn't like to be visible above the ridge line so he keeps his head low - instinct. Me on the other hand, well I cannot help but run that ridge. BRENNAN: Can you give me an example? (Jared leans in and kisses her) JARED: I bet you Seeley never took that risk. BRENNAN: Nope. JARED: (They clink glasses.) To a good night. BRENNAN: Yes, so far. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico Legal Lab. Cam is at her desk talking on speakerphone) CAM: I found a match for our victim's DNA on the felony database. BOOTH: (His voice over speakerphone) Have you seen Bones this morning? CAM: No, I think she and Jared had a late night. Open the attachment I just sent you. (Cut to: The Hoover building. Int. Booth's office. Booth is sat at his desk. He clicks and a mug-shot opens on his computer screen. The scene cuts between speakers during the phone conversation.) BOOTH: 'Kay, Anthony Pongetti, multiple fraud convictions. CAM: That's our victim. BOOTH: Right so, Pongetti pretends to be Stegman. Why? CAM: Reads that article on the inventor and figures there's something to cash in on. BOOTH: You know, Bones never gets in this late. CAM: You're the one who said you didn't mind them going out together. BOOTH: (Sighs) Bye. (Cam rolls her eyes.) (Colonel Wolchuck knocks and enters Booth's office). COLONEL WOLCHUCK: Special Agent Booth? BOOTH: Well look at that, a full Colonel from the State Police. COLONEL WOLCHUCK: Ryan Wolchuck. (They shake hands). BOOTH: How are you? COLONEL WOLCHUCK: Mind if I sit? BOOTH: No, please have a seat. You know if this is about the RICO investigation I've been keeping you guys in the loop just like I promised. (They both sit). COLONEL WOLCHUCK: Well I'm here about the meth lab body. BOOTH: Okay. COLONEL WOLCHUCK: It's extremely embarrassing for the State Police that this homicide victim was blown up during a training exercise. BOOTH: Uh huh. COLONEL WOLCHUCK: And the Superintendent, the Governor, various movers and shakers would look kindly on it if you, well if you simply neglected to give that small detail to the press. BOOTH: And if the press digs up that the bodies were burned and blown into several pieces it makes the FBI look sneaky. COLONEL WOLCHUCK: Well, the FBI is sneaky. (They both laugh) BOOTH: (Stands) Right. Not today sir. COLONEL WOLCHUCK: (Stands) Careers are made when men of good intent help each other. BOOTH: I'll tell you what. Why don't we just tell the truth and take our lumps when we have to. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab: Brennan's office. Brennan sits at her desk, Clark stands by her shoulder.) BRENNAN: No signs of remodeling (CAM appears at the door) CAM: Did you just get in? BRENNAN: I haven't been to sleep. (CAM enters) CAM: Can I offer you a little insight into Booth's little brother. CLARK: Oh god, why am I always standing precisely in the wrong place? BRENNAN: I didn't have s*x with him Cam. (Angela enters) ANGELA: Didn't have s*x with who? CAM: Jared Booth. ANGELA: Good. (She hands a file to Clark, he leaves the room). BRENNAN: Why good? CAM: Because... because... ANGELA: Because he's Booth's little brother and it would just be a creepy way to have s*x with a Booth without having s*x with the real Booth. CAM: Kudos Angela. I would not have had the guts to say that aloud. BRENNAN: N... Jared is a real Booth. ANGELA: Hmmm. Jared's Booth lite. Booth is the real Booth. BRENNAN: W... what if Booth is Booth lite? (Clark re-enters the room with a file) CLARK: Angela found the real Jim Stegman. BRENNAN: Where? (Clark places an open file on her desk, they all move to see.) ANGELA: Here, in the Jeffersonian cold storage. (She takes a photo from the file and places it on top.) Only, he's known as John Doe 100803. CAM: Looks like a drowning victim. ANGELA: Only if he drowned after being shot in the heart. CLARK: How did you find him? ANGELA: The real Jim Stegman has DNA on file stemming from an assault charge twelve years ago. I ran a search and this popped up. BRENNAN: He's been a John Doe right here in the Jeffersonian, since last week. CAM: (reading from file) Washed up at Anacostia Naval Station. Last known address: Bowie, Maryland. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. a garage apartment: Jim Stegman's home. The door opens slowly to reveal Sheriff Wilkinson, Brennan and Booth outside.) SHERIFF WILKINSON: Well this is Jim Stegman's place. Landlord says nobody's been in here since he went missing. (They duck under the opening door and enter.) BOOTH: This guy's gone missing twice and nobody reports it. SHERIFF WILKINSON: You say Jim ended up shot and dumped in the river? BOOTH: That's right, shot and dumped. (He looks around). SHERIFF WILKINSON: Old Jim did not deserve that ending, what with quitting drinking and quit betting. BOOTH: Well, it looks like he fell off the, uh gambling bandwagon. (He is looking through a pile of betting slips) No sign of booze anywhere. Here. (He hands the slips to Brennan). BRENNAN: Booth. BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: One of these is made out to Anthony Pongetti. SHERIFF WILKINSON: Pongetti, well that old boy's another whole earful of wax. BOOTH: Bad egg? SHERIFF WILKINSON: Black-hearted son of a bitch yeah. Had him in custody, oh, two months ago. BOOTH: For what? SHERIFF WILKINSON: Running a bogus roof repair company. He'd give an estimate, 'n take a deposit then skedaddle. Mind I ask what's going on here in my own town? BOOTH: Yeah, the real Jim Stegman, he was shot, killed, dumped in the river a week ago. Pongetti shot and killed four days ago after pretending to be Jim Stegman. SHERIFF WILKINSON: Sounds like maybe Pongetti killed Jim then committed, whatd'yamacallit, identity theft. (Booths cell phone buzzes. He has a text message: From: Jared Booth I'm in trouble Jared) BOOTH: Yeah uh, (He flips his phone closed). Thanks, Bones you know what? I gotta get you back to the lab okay? Thanks, ah Sheriff. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab. We see a large industrial looking machine.) HODGINS: Paul Stegman had 66 inventions in his notebook and this one was marked with a star. (Hodgins and Clark come into view. Hodgins tips a bin full of bottles and cans into the machine). CLARK: All it needed was a little more torque. HODGINS: Yeah well, if the gears can handle it. (Clark switches the machine on. It makes a loud noise as it processes the cans and bottle through 3 chutes. Brennan enters) BRENNAN: (Loudly over the noise) Clark I was wondering if you had a chance to look at the gr... (A bottle shoots from the machine and hits the wall close to where Brennan is standing. Clark winces and switches the machine off). BRENNAN: Is this one of Stegman's inventions? HODGINS: Yeah, it's a garbage sorter. And thanks to Clark it works. CLARK: I only indulged in this, uh diversion after he asked for help. I wasn't wasting time. I came in for the uh... the grating you got from Mike Campbell was not the weapon used to strike Anthony Pongetti in the face. (He picks up the grating and holds it out for Brennan.) The zygomatic bones were fractured. The screen, while it resembles stainless steel, is actually a rather malleable magnesium alloy. So for it to cause that much damage... BRENNAN: Yes, it would have been bent from the impact. CLARK: Yes. So what we're looking for is something heavier. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Street. Several police vehicles are parked with lights on. Jared Booth is stood leant against his car which has been in a crash. Booth's vehicle pulls up lights flashing and siren on. Booth gets out and approaches Jared.) VOICE OVER RADIO: ...dispatch. ...Jared Booth US Navy Lieutenant Commander over. Copy, notify will stand by for transport now... BOOTH: You alright? JARED: Yeah, yeah Seeley. I fell asleep at the wheel but, I'm okay. BOOTH: Yeah. Fell asleep. JARED: Local trooper here says he knows you. (State Police Colonel Wolchuck approaches) COLONEL WOLCHUCK: Agent Booth. (Booth turns to face Colonel Wolchuck.) BOOTH: Colonel Wolchuck. Is that what we're going with here, he fell asleep at the wheel? COLONEL WOLCHUCK: I'm sure you'll agree it's best just to tell the truth, take our lumps when we have to. JARED: They get me for DUI, I lose my job Seeley. I mean, I lose my whole career. BOOTH: (He turns back to Jared) Shut up. Shut up. Please. (To Colonel Wolchuck) Can I talk to you for a second? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Int. the Stegman House. Paul is seated at the dining table Lily stands behind him.) PAUL STEGMAN: The first body you found wasn't my father, but the second was? (We see Booth and Brennan are stood facing Paul Stegman.) LILY STEGMAN: So the man we actually met, the one who said he was Paul's father... BRENNAN: Was not, that's correct. PAUL STEGMAN: This Pongetti guy, did he kill my father? BOOTH: We don't know that yet. LILY STEGMAN: Were we in danger? BRENNAN: Well, Anthony Pongetti was... BOOTH: He was harmless. He was a conman, that's all. BRENNAN: Did Pongetti leave anything behind? Luggage, or papers? LILY STEGMAN: He left a duffel bag in the coat closet over there. BOOTH: Hey Bones, lets check it out. (They all move to the closet) PAUL STEGMAN: What did this man want from us? BRENNAN: We think it's possible he wanted to profit off of your inventions. (Brennan puts on latex gloves and reaches for the bag) PAUL STEGMAN: He'd be the first one that ever did that then. LILY STEGMAN: Don't do that to yourself. BOOTH: Well look at this thing, man, what is this thing, a robot? (Booth pulls something heavy out of the closet) PAUL STEGMAN: That's a battery operated electrostatic dust trap. BOOTH: Ha Ha. PAUL STEGMAN: I gave up on it months ago. Uh, it's... hold on, (he opens the dust trap to reveal a brown paper bag.) Oh... that's not supposed to be in there. (He removes the bag.) BOOTH: Oh ho ho, what is that? (Brennan takes the bag and takes out two thick wads of cash) LILY STEGMAN: Oh my god. BRENNAN: Twenty grand give or take. (Booth whistles) PAUL STEGMAN: Do we get to keep that? LILY STEGMAN: Paul, he wasn't even really your father. PAUL STEGMAN: So what? BOOTH: That is the best motive we've seen for murder yet. Right there. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Hoover building: Int. Booth's office. We see a TV, on screen Colonel Wolchuck is giving a press conference.) COLONEL WOLCHUCK: My name is Colonel Ryan Wolchuck of the State Police Bureau of Criminal Investigations. I have the great pleasure of announcing today that the Grand Jury has handed down 62 indictments following the State Police crackdown on organized crime. (The shot pulls back and we see Booth sat on his desk watching the TV). COLONEL WOLCHUCK: This victory is the result of a six month RICO investigation by our department. The State Police would like to acknowledge the very fine support work of several FBI field officers. (Booth switches off the TV. He removes what we assume are travel tickets from his jacket pocket.) BOOTH: Yeah. Support. (He rips the tickets and throws them in the bin. He takes the Hawaii books from his desk and throws them in the bin too. He sighs and sits at desk. His cell phone rings, he checks it and flips it shut.) [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab: The Autopsy Room. Cam is working with some remains. Booth enters.) BOOTH: Hey Cam, what's up? What's so urgent? CAM: Your people found a fingerprint on the bag of money. BOOTH: I know, W... we don't have an ID. What, why is that so urgent. What's going on? CAM: What happened? (Booth looks puzzled. Cam returns the look) I watch TV, State Police getting all the glory for that big RICO case. What the hell? BOOTH: Relax, okay it's political. It came down way far above my head, right. CAM: Don't you lie to me big man, I'm your friend. I know where this came from, and it wasn't from on high. BOOTH: Cam, just let this one slip by. (She looks down, then nods. He leaves). [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: The Hoover building. Int. an elevator. Jared is inside. The elevator doors open to reveal Sweets waiting. He enters, the doors close) SWEETS: You must be Agent Booth's brother. JARED: Yeah I'm Jared. You FBI? SWEETS: FBI? Uh yeah, yeah. Lance Sweets. JARED: Nice to meet you (We see Jared holding tickets for a Capitals hockey game.) SWEETS: Capitals. JARED: Yeah, I know Seeley's a Flyers man, but hey, when in Rome right? (The elevator doors open, he motions Sweets to exit first). Please. (They exit the elevator and walk towards Booth's office) SWEETS: Yeah, I still haven't gotten him anything for his birthday. JARED: Oh my brother doesn't like birthday presents. Anyways these are more like a thank you. Or, an apology. You know what it's like with brothers right? SWEETS: No, only child. (They enter Booth's empty office, Sweets waits in the doorway, Jared approaches the desk) JARED: Oh well having a big brother is like having an extra dad, only a dad who protects you from your real dad, and always thinks of you as a kid. (He leaves the tickets on Booth's desk, and turns back to Sweets). SWEETS: I have the same problem with Booth. JARED: There is nothing worse than somebody who always thinks they're right, and then they're right. Right? It's a pleasure Agent Sweets (they shake hands. Jared leaves) SWEETS: Doctor, not Agent. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico Legal Lab: The Bone Room. A skeleton is laid out on a light table. Clark walks around the table, Brennan stands at the skull end). CLARK: Jim Stegman was shot four times. I postulate that each gunshot was both precise and deliberate and did not occur in a rapid fire succession. BRENNAN: There's no way to tell that from the bones. CLARK: No, not from the bones, close range injuries. Middle of the foot, middle of the knee, middle of the shoulder, dead centre on the heart. (He points to indicate each injury). Small caliber weapon. BRENNAN: You believe this was done on purpose. CLARK: Yes, torture. Someone was trying to get information from this man. BRENNAN: Pure conjecture Dr Edison. But it has logical integrity. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. The Hoover building: A corridor. Brennan and Booth are walking). BOOTH: So, three years ago Stegman and Pongetti, they were arrested. They were working some scam together. BRENNAN: Well, we already knew they were accomplices. BOOTH: Yeah well, there was a third guy involved. They ratted him out, he went to jail for five years. BRENNAN: Five year sentence, Three years with parole. Is the stool out? BOOTH: Is the stool out? No, you mean stoolie and the third guy wasn't the stoolie, Stegman and Pongetti were, 'kay. You go in there, I'll be in here. (Booth opens a door) (Cut to: Int. Interrogation Room. Steve Jackson is sat at the table. Booth enters). BOOTH: Steve Jackson. What the hell are you wearing? STEVE JACKSON: I'm on parole - they won't let me work on Wall Street. Course I'd make less there. What's this about? BOOTH: Stegman and Pongetti. STEVE JACKSON: Parole officer already told me to stay away from 'em. (Booth, still standing leans down on the chair opposite). BOOTH: But you didn't stay away from them did you Steve? STEVE JACKSON: Fine, I met with Stegman. BOOTH: Why? STEVE JACKSON: He was making amends, apologizing, in the program. One small parole violation and the FBI get involved. BOOTH: Stegman and Pongetti are both dead. STEVE JACKSON: You gotta be kidding. BOOTH: Shot. 'S okay, you can take a moment to rejoice in the death of your enemies. Go ahead. STEVE JACKSON: Pongetti's dead good, I'm glad. Stegman, he was okay. BOOTH: He ratted you out. STEVE JACKSON: Pongetti ratted me out. Stegman backed him is all. I don't begrudge. I have an alibi anyway. BOOTH: I didn't tell you when they died. (Jackson lifts his leg onto the table. He is wearing an electronic tag). STEVE JACKSON: Tracking device, somebody somewhere knows where I am 24 hours a day since I got out for the next two years. (Booth smiles then exits) (Cut to: Int. Observation Room. Brennan watches Steve Jackson through a two way mirror. She turns as Booth enters). BRENNAN: Do you think he did it? BOOTH: No, we'll check his whereabouts but, you know, I don't think so. Nice hat huh? Come on I'll take you back to the lab. (He turns to go). BRENNAN: What happened with your RICO bust? (Booth turns back to her). BOOTH: Nothing, why? Huh, you been talking to Cam? BRENNAN: No. Did you do something wrong? BOOTH: What d'you mean? BRENNAN: Well you didn't get the credit you deserve. What did you do? BOOTH: Life is not always about credit. BRENNAN: Well that's not what you said before. You said life was all about credit and you were going to Hawaii and they were going to put you on a coin. BOOTH: Uh, you know what, let's just forget about it. Okay Bones, forget about it. (He turns to go again). BRENNAN: Jared warned me that you tend to sabotage yourself. (Booth turns back). BOOTH: Jared said that? BRENNAN: Mm-hmm. He said that you were afraid of success. BOOTH: Mmm, so basically I'm a loser. BRENNAN: No, he never said the word loser. BOOTH: Do you think I'm a loser, like that guy in there. Some clown in some dumb-ass uniform who basically can't do any better? Is that what you think? BRENNAN: Well, anthropologically, males tend to rank themselves into a hierarchy. There's no shame in not being at the top of the hierarchy. BOOTH: You're not answering the question Bones. Answer my question. (His cell phone rings, he answers). Booth. (Cut to: Int. Cam's Office. Cam is sat at her desk) CAM: Your forensic techs got an ID for the fingerprint on the money bag. BOOTH: Is it Stegman or Pongetti? CAM: Stegman, but not the one you're thinking of. BOOTH: The son? CAM: Nope, the wife. The fingerprint belongs to Lily Stegman. (We see her picture on Cam's computer screen.) BOOTH: Thanks. (He closes his cell phone). (To Brennan) The fingerprints belong to Lily Stegman. We know that because she works with kids. BRENNAN; She acted like she'd never seen that money before. BOOTH: Well, she was lying. (He turns to go). BRENNAN: Booth... BOOTH: Bones, lets just go and do our work. (He exits; she grabs her bag and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Booth's office. Lily Stegman is sitting in front of the desk, Booth and Brennan are standing.) LILY STEGMAN: I thought he was Paul's father I would never hurt him. BRENNAN: We found your fingerprints on the money. BOOTH: Can you explain that. LILY STEGMAN; I'm ashamed. BOOTH: Well, whatever you're ashamed of believe me murder is worse. (He sits at his desk). LILY STEGMAN: The day after Jim, the man we thought was Jim, the day after he disappeared a package arrived for him. When he didn't come back I started thinking he meant for us to open it. BRENNAN: That doesn't make any sense. BOOTH: No, I understand. He's gone, it's sitting there, maybe he meant for you to have it. LILY STEGMAN: Yes. BOOTH: Plus, you have a family to take care of. We do whatever we can for family. LILY STEGMAN: I Opened it. It was full of cash... (She opens her bag and removes a piece of paper. Brennan takes it) and, a note. BRENNAN: (Reading from the note) Jim do me a big favor. Hold onto this until I can get it back from you. Help yourself to whatever you need. P. BOOTH: P. Pongetti. LILY STEGMAN: I know I should have called the police and when you came I should have told you, but by then... BOOTH: You needed the money and in a way you felt like you earned it for taking an old man in. Family. LILY STEGMAN: My teaching salary barely pays the bills and we're trying to have another child. BRENNAN: So you were the one that hid the money in the dust trap thing. LILY STEGMAN: Yes. BOOTH: What does your husband know? LILY STEGMAN: Nothing. I promise. BRENNAN: She could just be protecting him. LILY STEGMAN: I am, by not letting him know about the money you found, or the... rest of it. BOOTH: The rest of it? BRENNAN: There's more? LILY STEGMAN: Yes, I put it into our safety deposit box. BOOTH: (He leans forwards.) Okay, how much? LILY STEGMAN: 150 thousand dollars. (Booth and Brennan exchange a look). [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Booth's car. Booth is driving; Brennan is in the passenger seat.) BOOTH: So I figured what happened is that Pongetti got his cash in some, you know, illegal way. Maybe in a way that could get him killed. Stegman, he's about to go visit his son. BRENNAN: So Pongetti sends the cash to his friend for safety. BOOTH: Then Stegman gets killed. So to go get that cash Pongetti decides to pretend to be Stegman. BRENNAN: People make stupid irrational decisions. (Her cell phone rings. She answers). Brennan. BOOTH: They act from the heart sometimes Bones, 's not a crime. BRENNAN: (Into phone) Okay I'll be right there. (She ends call. To Booth.) Cam needs me. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab: The Mezzanine. Cam leans on the balcony waiting.) BRENNAN: Hello (Brennan arrives). CAM: Dr. Brennan. I don't want you to think this is an intervention. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. (Sweets arrives with a tray of coffee cups) SWEETS: An intervention is when a group of loved ones bands together to help one of their own make a difficult decision. CAM: Oh, then, then it is an intervention. BRENNAN: Are you my loved ones? SWEETS: I was troubled by a conversation I had with Jared Booth. CAM: Sweets came to me with some theories about Booth's family life, and he pretty much nailed it. BRENNAN: Nailed what. SWEETS: Sit down. (They all sit; he places the tray on the table.) Booth and Jared are children of a physically abusive alcoholic father. CAM: Booth's been digging Jared out of trouble since they were kids. Jared always comes up smelling like a rose and Booth takes the hit. SWEETS: He's denying his brother the opportunity to take responsibility and learn from his own mistakes. BRENNAN: You have no evidence of that. CAM: I've known the Booth boys for 15 years. SWEETS: Now it's natural to be protective of a younger sibling. Of course Jared is a grown man, an intelligent, talented, capable adult. BRENNAN: I like him very much. CAM: Yah? Well, cut it out. BRENNAN: Booth shouldn't be threatened by the fact that his brother is more successful. CAM: I am absolutely certain that however it is Booth lost all the credit for that RICO bust, it's because of Jared. BRENNAN: We're all scientists here, right? Well, not you. (She points to SWEETS). What is your evidence? CAM: How about this, the last time I told Booth what I thought of Jared, he didn't speak to me for six months. BRENNAN: That is an anecdote. CAM: We're saying maybe Booth deserves the benefit of the doubt here, until all the evidence is in. BRENNAN: Evidence, I am comfortable with evidence. CAM: Okay, here's some evidence. The bullets that killed both Stegman and Pongetti were fired from the same gun. BRENNAN: Which suggests they were killed by the same person. Thank you. CAM: Should I tell Booth? BRENNAN: No, I'll do it. (She stands and leaves). (Cam and Sweets look after her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. The Founding Fathers bar. Jared sits on a barstool sipping a drink. Brennan enters, they kiss on the cheek.) BRENNAN: Thanks for coming Jared. JARED: When a beautiful woman asks me out for lunch... (Brennan's cell phone rings. She looks - the call is from Booth) JARED: Something wrong? (She cancels the call) BRENNAN: I need to know the truth. JARED: I've heard that about you. BRENNAN: Do you know anything about Booth losing credit on the RICO case. JARED: No. What, I mean that's the first I've heard of it. BRENNAN: People are telling me that somehow all the credit went to the State Police because of you. Is that possible? JARED: (He sighs) Oh. BRENNAN: So, it is possible. JARED: What did he say to you? BRENNAN: Nothing. JARED: I think this is something between brothers. No offense. (Brennan starts to leave) JARED: Tempe. (Brennan turns back to him). BRENNAN: You took advantage of him. You know you made me think that he's a loser. And what really makes me angry is that I believed you. You know I wouldn't blame Booth if he never spoke to me again. You're the loser. (She leaves.) (She comes back and pushes Jared completely off his bar stool. She leaves. Jared gets up.) BARTENDER: You alright? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Booth's car. Booth is driving; Brennan is in the passenger seat.) BOOTH: 'Kay look, why didn't you pick up? Were you in the bathroom or something? BRENNAN: To be honest I was sp... BOOTH: Okay never mind, just never mind alright. Agents recovered the rest of the cash from Lily Stegman's safety deposit box, right. The bills were bundled with evidence bands. BRENNAN: What does that mean? BOOTH: Well the money is from the County Sheriff's Headquarters in Bowie. It was confiscated during a drug bust. BRENNAN: Oh, so drug money. BOOTH: It was scheduled for transfer to the Federal Reserve two weeks ago. A driver from the Reserve shows up, he flashes his credentials, drives off with the dough. Forty minutes later the real driver shows up. BRENNAN: Oh, so the fake one was Pongetti? BOOTH: Well it had to be, right? I mean jeez, he got away with over 200 grand. BRENNAN: But he was in custody there, how come no one recognized him? (Booth looks at her) BRENNAN: What? It's a logical question. BOOTH: Ah, you know what, you are a genius, hold on for a second. BRENNAN: Why am I a genius? (He does a u-turn) BOOTH: Why? Because I let that big Sheriff know that we found 20 thousand dollars at Stegman's house. BRENNAN: Why is that bad? BOOTH: Because if he was in it with Pongetti then he thinks he knows where the rest of the money is. Thinks. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. The Stegman's entrance hall. Lily and Paul Stegman are stood together.) LILY STEGMAN: We turned everything over to the FBI. PAUL STEGMAN: All the money, everything the guy touched. (The view pulls back to reveal the Stegman's son stood with his father and Sheriff Wilkinson stood by the front door.) SHERIFF WILKINSON: Well, probably just a break down in jurisdictional communication. I'll check with the FBI. (Sheriff Wilkinson exits the house onto the front porch.) BOOTH: (We hear his voice from outside.) Why don't you check with me right now, huh? (We see Booth standing on the sidewalk with his hands behind his back.) BOOTH: Better yet, (he brings a shotgun from behind his back) why don't you just come with us now? (In the street outside the Stegman's home Brennan is peering through the window of Sheriff Wilkinson's patrol car, where she sees a grill) BRENNAN: The grating is what hit Pongetti in the face. BOOTH: Old school, huh? Perp was handcuffed in the back, sped up, slammed on breaks, slam, sped, slam, sped. BRENNAN: He couldn't protect his face. (Sheriff Wilkinson pulls Lily Stegman towards him and grabs her around the neck. He draws his gun. Booth aims his shotgun at Sheriff Wilkinson) PAUL STEGMAN: No, stop, let her go. STEGMAN BOY: Mommy. BRENNAN: Mr. Stegman, take your little boy inside. (Brennan draws Booths sidearm from its holster.) LILY STEGMAN: Do it Honey, please. (Paul Stegman enters the house with his son and shuts the door.) SHERIFF WILKINSON: Now this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna get in your vehicle and drive away, and I'm gonna do the same thing, and everybody lives and everybody's happy. BRENNAN: Well, th... that sounds like a good idea. BOOTH: No, not a good idea, huh. You drive off with the evidence. Not gonna happen. (Paul Stegman opens the door and starts towards Sheriff Wilkinson, who punches him in the face, he falls down.) LILY STEGMAN: Paul! Oh god! (Sheriff Wilkinson begins to descend the porch steps pulling Lily Stegman with him.) SHERIFF WILKINSON: Agent Booth... you are... by far... the worst hostage negotiator, I have ever run into. (He starts walking backwards with Lily Stegman towards his car) Don't you know you're supposed to talk? Disorient, distract the perpetrator. (Booth and Brennan advance towards Sheriff Wilkinson with their guns raised.) BRENNAN: Booth. BOOTH: Not now Bones. BRENNAN: You want me to try and shoot him. BOOTH: No. BRENNAN: Why? I'm a good shot. BOOTH: You are not a good shot. BRENNAN: Wha...? You are. (She turns to Booth.) You know, maybe if we switched weapons you could hit him right between the eyes. (Sheriff Wilkinson shoots his gun. Brennan falls to the ground clutching her arm. Sheriff Wilkinson drags Lily Stegman into his car leaving the drivers door open.) BOOTH: Bones, Bones are you okay? (Sheriff Wilkinson, starts the car and begins driving away. Booth looks back to Brennan as he starts to chase the car.) BOOTH: Bones? BRENNAN: I'm okay. (Sheriff Wilkinson pushes Lily Stegman from the moving vehicle, she rolls on the ground. Booth chases the car shooting at it four times. The car crashes into a parked vehicle. Paul Stegman runs from the house towards Lily Stegman.) PAUL STEGMAN: Lily! LILY STEGMAN: I'm okay. (Booth approaches Sheriff Wilkinson's car with his shotgun still raised. We see Sheriff Wilkinson slumped over the steering wheel with bullet wounds in his back. Booth looks over at Brennan who is now standing.) PAUL STEGMAN: Are you okay? Huh? (PAUL and LILY STEGMAN hug. They walk towards their house). LILY STEGMAN: I'm okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. The Founding Fathers Bar. Jared stands by a pillar watching Brennan as she begins a toast. Booth sits at the corner of the bar. Brennan's right arm is in a sling, she holds a glass of wine). BRENNAN: I would like to propose a toast, to my partner, Seeley Booth. (We see the backs of Angela, Clark and others sat at a table facing Brennan). ALL: To Booth. BRENNAN: I know who he is, but I forget sometimes, because... because, he never shines a light on himself. He shines it on other people. BOOTH: Yeah, right after I conked them on the head with it. (There are quiet chuckles from the table of friends.) BRENNAN: Anthropology teaches us that, the alpha male is the man, wearing the crown, displaying the most colorful plumage and the shiniest baubles, he stands out from the others. But I now think that anthropology may have it wrong (Booth looks puzzled.) In working with Booth... (She turns to face him.) I have come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who is always there for friends and family, that's the real alpha male. And I promise, that my eyes will never be caught by those... shiny baubles again. Happy birthday. (She clinks glasses with Booth). ALL: Happy birthday Booth. (They raise their glasses). BOOTH: Thanks Bones, Thank you. (Brennan pulls Booth from his seat.) BOOTH: Uh Bones, alright. What are we doing? BRENNAN: C'mere. BOOTH: What. BRENNAN: Just c'mere for a second. (She leads him to a quieter area further along the bar.) What you're doing for your brother, isn't fair. BOOTH: Come on Bones, don't get me mad... at you, after that great speech right. Not after I got you shot. BRENNAN: You didn't get me shot, I got me shot. BOOTH: (He sits). I don't wanna talk about my brother. BRENNAN: Would you prefer Sweets do it? (They look along the bar to see Sweets. He raises his glass to them. Booth turns back to Brennan.) BOOTH: I'm listening. BRENNAN: Well I forgot all the psychological stuff but basically, when you... rescue somebody all the time. If you keep getting them out on bail... BOOTH: Bail them out Bones, if you bail them out. BRENNAN: You're thwarting their ability to help themselves. Now you're angry. BOOTH: Come on Bones, you have to admit, getting a psychological lesson from you is like... BRENNAN: Getting and anthropology lesson from you. BOOTH: The RICO case, I traded my one shot at glory to keep my brother from being arrested....... for drunk driving. BRENNAN: Booth! You know, what if he does it again? What if he kills someone next time? You shouldn't have done that. BOOTH: Right. Says the woman who got her father off murder charges. (He sighs.) Face it, we do things for family. BRENNAN: You're right, you're totally right. (We see Jared at the bar chatting and laughing with a young woman.) BOOTH: No, I'm not BRENNAN: What? Why? (Booth stands) BOOTH: There's no risk that your father will kill again. (He walks through the bar towards Jared) Jared. (Jared stands and follows Booth. They exit the bar) JARED: You uh, bringing me out here to give me advice on your partner, because I think that ship has sailed. BOOTH: Well no. It's, uh what I gotta do. I, uh, I gotta stop. Do you understand? JARED: Stop? BOOTH: Yeah, and you should stop too. JARED: I gotta stop what? BOOTH: The drinking: Stop it. JARED: I'll take that under advisement. (He turns to re-enter the bar). BOOTH: I'm serious Jared. No more stepping in to make things go away. JARED: (Angrily) I carry my own water, Seeley. Now you should go back inside and enjoy your birthday party. (He drains his drink and waves the glass in Booth's face) BOOTH: Right. JARED: Cheers. (He re-enters the bar) BOOTH: Yeah, happy birthday to me. (He punches the side of a nearby bus shelter. He sits at the bus shelter). (Brennan appears holding a plate of cake with her good arm. She stops in front of Booth). BRENNAN: Okay? You gonna come back in for cake? BOOTH: Bones, I just need some time. BRENNAN: Do you need time and space? BOOTH: (Smiling) Just some time. (Brennan sits next to Booth. She holds up the plate and they each take a fork and a forkful of cake.) BOOTH: My dad drank. (He takes a bite of cake).

Booth and Brennan investigate the scene where a body was uncovered during a police training exercise. The team identifies the body as a struggling inventor's father who had recently reunited with his son. But when a second body surfaces, the team is led on a trail of deception to find out who was the actual con-man in the inventor's life. Clark Edison returns to the lab, and he and Hodgins work on piecing together blueprints from one of the inventor's potentially valuable inventions. Meanwhile, Booth's younger brother Jared (guest star Brendan Fehr ) moves to D.C. to take a job at the Pentagon, and Brennan, smitten with Jared, agrees to go on a date with him to a White House function. Her date with Jared leads her to learn information about Booth's past and give her a far greater understanding into her partner's motives.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x10

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x10_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY MGM (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. JUST OUTSIDE CASINO - NIGHT] (A man and a woman walking by sees a young man just outside a casino in distress. They look at each other and decide to try to help him.) Matthew Orton: You all right? Vincent Avery: I'm barred. I've got, like, ten thousand dollars in chips and I cannot cash it. Look, if I kept my eye on you two, could you please just go in there and claim my money? Cindy Orton: Sure, we can do that for you, but you don't have to keep your eye on us ... Matthew Orton: We're honest people. Vincent Avery: I'm sure you are, but ... come on. If I'm going to be giving you ten grand in chips, I've just got to know that you're coming back. Cindy Orton: We could give you a deposit. Matthew Orton: What kind of deposit? Vincent Avery: Two thousand dollars ... would give me peace of mind. Tell you what, you two come back and I will give you back your deposit plus another thousand? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CASINO - NIGHT] (The hotel cashier holds up the $500 blue dummy chip and examines it.) Cashier: I'm sorry sir, I can't cash this for you. Matthew Orton: What? Why? Cashier: (he shakes his head) They're worthless. (The couple run out of the hotel to look for the young man.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CASINO - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The couple exit the hotel looking for the man, but he's long gone. They look up and down the strip. There's no sign of him.) (Sound of a gun shot coming from the parking structure followed by sounds of car tires screeching can be heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TROPICANA -- PARKING GARAGE -- NIGHT] (As they walk toward the crime scene, BRASS fills GRISSOM in.) Brass: Guy was running one of the oldest scams in Vegas. Would have gotten away with it, to until the getaway driver put a nickel in the guy's jukebox. (BRASS turns around and indicates the couple talking to DET. SAM VEGA. He's showing the couple an evidence bag. CINDY ORTON nods her head, yes.) Brass: That's the Ortons from Florida. The, uh, couple ID'd the deceased as the con man. (They both arrive at the crime scene. GRISSOM puts his CSI kit down and crouches low to get a better look. He notices three hundred dollar bills next to the body.) Brass: That's the Ortons' money. (GRISSOM looks up at BRASS.) Grissom: It's mine now. (GRISSOM looks around.) Grissom: Surveillance? Brass: Not in the garage. Grissom: Banana skids and fresh blood -- that helps. Oil slick doesn't hurt us either. Det. Sam Vega: Hey, Jim. Got these from the cage. (DET. SAM VEGA hands BRASS the evidence bag full of dummy gambling chips.) Brass: Thanks, Sam. The chip clip. Haven't seen that one in a while. (He hands the bag to GRISSOM.) Grissom: Striking resemblance to Judas. Brass: How's that? Grissom: Both men lost their lives over a worthless bag of chips. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM maneuvers his way through the hallway traffic while carrying a plastic bottle of cockroaches and a large pexi-glass container. He's also sporting a traveling bag over his shoulder.) (He passes by GREG'S LAB. GREG is busy at work while punk rock music plays loudly inside. GRISSOM opens the door.) Grissom: Hey, Sanders, no punk rock. Greg: What about black flag? (GRISSOM glances down at his container full of cockroaches.) Grissom: Are you nuts? (He closes the door and continues down the hallway. As he hurries to his office, he nearly runs into CATHERINE who just turns the corner in front of him.) Grissom: Whoa. Careful. Livestock. (He holds up the container of cockroaches.) Grissom: Hissing roaches from Madagascar. Catherine: Sorry. Grissom: These babies run two and a half miles an hour. Catherine: I don't doubt that for a minute. Grissom: Fifth annual entomological convention in Duluth. Cockroach racing finals. (GRISSOM pushes the door to his office open and walks in. CATHERINE follows.) Catherine: You're roach racing Grissom: Actually, I'm giving a tutorial in preserving mass crime scenes. The sideshow is racing these guys. Catherine: Ah. Grissom: I mean, to have a chance to run against legendary roaches like Cocky Balboa; The Drain Lover; Priscilla, Queen of the Gutters. It's huge. Catherine: What do you feed those guys? Grissom: Dog food. Catherine: And who's ... supervising night shift? Grissom: You are. Catherine: Me? I am on the red-eye to Reno. The Braun Family is opening a new casino. I am Sam's date. Grissom: That's tonight? Catherine: I told you once, memo'd you twice. (CATHERINE sighs. GRISSOM is distracted by the roaches in the container.) Grissom: Man, these guys are primed. (CATHERINE leaves the room. On her way out, she reminds him ... ) Catherine: Better get somebody. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM] Warrick: "A" slash? Acting supervisor? What about Nick? He's got seniority. Or Sara -- she'd jump at the chance. Grissom: If it was about seniority, I'd ask Nick. If I needed someone to stay up for three straight days I'd ask Sara. Instead, I want you. Warrick: And if I ask why? Grissom: Your curiosity would be better served on the case. (GRISSOM hands the assignment sheet to WARRICK.) Grissom: The shooting death of a con man at the Tropicana. Our guys are already there. (He turns to leave the room.) Warrick: Hang on! Have you told NICK and SARA about this? Grissom: No. (WARRICK sighs. Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TROPICANA - PARKING GARAGE - LEVEL 5 -- NIGHT] (NICK sets up a camera on a tripod. SARA walks around the crime scene looking for evidence.) (Camera cuts to an oil spot on an oil spill on the ground. Two evidence markers #1 and #3 are coned next to the spill. Cut to NICK snapping a picture of a white strip. Flash to white. Cut to SARA still looking for evidence. She sees something.) (Cut to NICK moving the tripod over to another spot. He sets up the camera pointing it straight downward over the tire treadmarks. He snaps a picture. Flash to white. He takes another photo of the treadmarks. He moves the tripod over to another spot along the treadmark. He does this several times to get one continuous picture of the treadmark.) (SARA notices the film container under the car. She kneels in low to get a better look at it. She picks it up.) (Cut to NICK continues to snap pictures of the treadmark.) (Cut to SARA notices that there's something inside the film container. She opens it and empties it out into the palm of her gloved hand. Out pours nine pill-sized black capsules. She smells it.) (WARRICK pulls up to the crime scene in his car. He exits the car and approaches the crime scene.) Nick: I got one left. Smile. (He snaps the camera.) Lovely. (SARA sees WARRICK approach. He steps over the crime scene tape.) Sara: Hey. Warrick: Hey. Sara: Nice of you to show up. Nick: Yeah, we're done here, brother. Warrick: Yeah, I'm sorry, I got detained. I guess you did a "one-to-one" on these treads already? Nick: Yeah, I just finished it. Warrick: Put together an evidence list? Sara: No. Warrick: You've got to do it. Nick: You were late. Warrick: Ah, I don't think so. I got to go back with the body. Sara, can you get back to the lab and put a rush on this analysis? Sara: Who died and made you boss? Warrick: He's not exactly dead. Sara: Grissom gave you shift tonight. (SARA goes back to the body to finish up.) Warrick: (to NICK) Anything you want to say? Nick: Yeah. Good luck. (NICK snaps the empty camera and it flashes at WARRICK. He leaves. Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY -- TROPICANA & MGM (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (WARRICK enters the room. He tosses on his scrubs and puts his gloves on.) Robbins: Get a speeding ticket? Warrick: Side roads. So ... this is our con artist? Robbins: Vincent Thomas Avery. I.D.'d him from his prints. Warrick: Did it tell you anything? Robbins: No mystery in cause of death. Gunshot wound to the outer ear. (Quick CGI POV to the left side of VINCENT AVERY'S head. Camera moves in for a close up of the entry wound. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Robbins: Left ear at that. Warrick: Well. Probably when he was getting into the car. (Quick Flashback to VINCENT AVERY running up to the car. Getting into the front passenger seat.) Vincent Avery: All right, go, go, go! (Cut to close up of a shadowed figure holding the gun to VINCENT AVERY'S head (left side). Flash to white. Resume to WARRICK.) Warrick: He knew the driver. Robbins: Soot depiction on the skin surrounding the entry wound tells the story. (Quick CGI POV of the left side of VA's outer ear. Camera moves in closer, through the outer ear, into the ear, following the path of the bullet. The bullet stops. Flash to white. Resume to ROBBINS.) Robbins: (V.O.) Bullet entered the external auditory meatus fracturing the skull base. Cracked the hardest bone of the skull. Warrick: You got any pictures of that? Robbins: Hot off the fluoroscope. Haven't had the pleasure yet. (ROBBINS holds up the film. They both see the location of the bullet.) Warrick: Whoa. Robbins: There is your bullet. Deformed projectile in the right side of the calvarium. Warrick: Can you fish that out for me? Robbins: You bet. (WARRICK glances at the other x-ray film. He sees something.) Warrick: Wait a minute. (WARRICK walks over to the light board and snaps the film in place. Several small balloon-shaped figures show on the film.) Warrick: There's something in his stomach. SHORT TIME CUT TO: (ROBBINS starts the Y-incision and opens the chest to extract the stomach contents.) (Quick CGI POV from inside the stomach looking up and out at both WARRICK and ROBBINS. The camera swings around inside the stomach to show several small white balloon-like capsules coated with green goo. One white balloon is ruptured. The forceps extracts the ruptured white balloon. End CGI POV.) (ROBBINS holds up the white balloon.) Robbins: Something tells me, this isn't filled with white sugar. Warrick: How many more are there? Robbins: I'd say about 50 balloons. Green dye you see here is probably from lime flavored gelatin. Makes them much easier to swallow. Warrick: He's a mule. Why is a guy trafficking in big-pay drugs wasting his time on some nickel-and-dime chip scam? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CSI -- LAB] (NICK is using a magifying glass to examine the developed photos of the tire treadmarks from the garage. BRASS walks in.) Brass: Hey, I got the horsepower on your Vic. Vincent Avery. Age 28, con man out of Atlantic City. Got enough petty thefts and grand larcenies on his record to choke a hippo. Nick: Hey, Jim ... what do you make of that void? Nail? Brass: Either that or a spot on your lens. Nick: Don't say that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GREG carefully puts a black powder from a mortar into a test tube. SARA walks in.) Sara: Hey. Are you baking a cake? What's the hold up on my pills? Greg: Process. Just because you got passed over, don't take it out on me. Sara: He didn't pass me over. Greg: Really? What would you call it, then? Sara: Grissom. Greg: Ah. (GREG puts a sample on the card. Sample A is placed ON THE SPECTRATECH CARD (PTFE) then placed in the machine. It's closed, then processed.) (Quick CGI POV of blue light passing through the sample for analysis. End of CGI POV.) (The following results show on screen: COAL [b289372] with short write-up and chemical break-down on the bottom. ) Greg: (reading) Coal. (Cut back to computer screen.) WOOD [wo83.20982] with short write-up and chemical break-down on the bottom. Greg: (reading) Wood. (Cut to computer screen.) COCONUT SHELLS [cpd_93-049-023] Greg: And ... coconut shells. Sara: Activated carbon. Activated charcoal pills. Best antacid in the world. Coats the stomach and absorbs all impurities. (WARRICK enters the lab.) Warrick: It's great if you're a mule transporting drugs into the states. Sara: Our con man's a mule? Warrick: We found balloons of cocaine in his stomach cavity. (Quick CGI POV of a see-through x-ray like skeleton swallowing several balloon-shaped items. It goes down its throat and into the stomach where a white cloud of gastric acid fills the stomach. End of CGI POV.) Sara: Without the pills, one bite of a chocolate bar would produce enough gastric acid in his stomach to eat away the balloon. Causing him to O.D. Warrick: Then he went out and got shot. Sara: Speaking of which I found airline stubs in Avery's shirt. Warrick: What? Sara: Vincent Avery was four-A, Ellie Rebecca was four-B. Strange, right, using two first names? Warrick: No, what's strange is going into the evidence locker after post and not finding anything left. Sara: Hey, don't make me feel bad for doing my job. Warrick: If it was your job, you couldn't feel bad. Greg: Well, I think I hear some coffee perking. (GREG stands up and leaves the room.) Sara: What do you want from me? I'm working the case, the case is hot. Warrick: It's my case. Tonight, I'm the primary. I have to process it. If you have a problem with that, you can clock out now. Am I clear? Sara: Clear. (SARA nods and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (WARRICK dusts the airline ticket boarding pass stub for prints. He finds one. The boarding pass stub has the following information on it: ) MONUMENT AIRLINES BOARDING PASS REBECCA, ELLIE (He lifts the print and scans it into the computer. He does a database search on it.) (He types in: ) REF#42_23: VINCENT THOMAS AVERY. (ON LEFT SCREEN) (On the right screen, it returns: ) REF#33_A: ELLIE REBECCA BRASS Warrick: It couldn't be. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - PARKING LOT - NIGHT] (BRASS gets out of his car and starts making his way across the parking lot to the police department. WARRICK emerges from the building. He's carrying a file and meets up with BRASS.) Warrick: Hey. Brass: Hey. Warrick: You have a daughter? Brass: Where you going with this? Warrick: Her prints came up on airline stubs relating to tonight's homicide. Brass: Well, there's got to be more than one Ellie Brass in the world. Warrick: Ellie Rebecca Brass. DOB 9/24/82. Essex County, New Jersey. Last known address 554 Applegate Way. (BRASS grabs the file from WARRICK and closes it.) Brass: Okay, you told me. Warrick: Well, I've got to bring her in. You know that. Brass: PD brings in suspects. I'll put Vega on it. (BRASS starts to walk toward the building.) Warrick: You're hands off. (BRASS turns around.) Brass: Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM] (DET. SAM VEGA accompanies ELLIE REBECCA BRASS along the hallway toward the interrogation room. WARRICK is there waiting for them.) Warrick: Just go right in here. (DET. SAM VEGA opens the interrogation room door and holds it open for ELLIE BRASS. They are all just about to enter the room when BRASS rounds the corner. He sees ELLIE BRASS. ELLIE BRASS turns and sees him.) (He stands some distance away from them. She smiles and approaches him. When she reaches him, she stands there a moment, then spits on his badge.) (WARRICK starts to move toward them. DET. SAM VEGA stops him. BRASS holds up a hand.) Brass: I'm fine. I'm fine. (He looks back down at his daughter.) Brass: (softly) So, we're going to pick up right where we left off huh, Ellie? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA sits at the table with rows of hundred dollar bills in front of her. RONNIE LITRE walks in carrying a box. He sets it down on the table.) Ronnie Litre: You still documenting the money from the con man? Sara: Every serial number -- evidence. (she sits up) Did you know that ninety-seven percent (97%) of all hundred dollar ($100) bills have traces of cocaine on them? Ronnie Litre: I was the one that told you that. Sara: Oh, yeah. (SARA laughs. She turns back to the money.) Sara: Hey, Ronnie you know what the intaglio script is. Ronnie Litre: Engraving on Ben Franklin's collar? Sara: I don't see it on this bill. Do you? (RONNIE LITRE looks through the magnifying glass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Ellie Brass: Everyone I sleep with dies. (ELLIE BRASS looks down at the photographs of VINCENT AVERY on the parking lot ground.) Warrick: Excuse me? Ellie Brass: I slept with this sailor once when I was fourteen. He died overseas somewhere. Det. Sam Vega: What was your relationship to Vincent Avery? Ellie Brass: There was no relationship. I barely knew him. Det. Sam Vega: You knew him enough to fly to Baja with him. Ellie Brass: He invited me for the weekend. I figured as long as he didn't chop me up I'd have some fun. (ELLIE BRASS reaches into her bag and pulls out a cigarette pack.) Ellie Brass: Mind if I smoke? (She hits the pack intending to extract a cigarette. Instead, a single blue $500 dummy chip falls out onto the table.) Warrick: Yeah. Det. Sam Vega: Plain sight. (Using his pen, WARRICK pulls the chip in front of him.) Warrick: It's a dummy chip. No casino logo. Det. Sam Vega: Exactly the same kind of chips Vincent Avery used to scam the casinos. (SAM VEGA looks at ELLIE BRASS.) Det. Sam Vega: Before he got shot. Warrick: So, you two fly down to Baja, pose as a married couple brought back home a stomach load of blow and then you run chip scams? Who's taking your drug profits? Ellie Brass: Man, I wish I knew what you were talking about. Det. Sam Vega: Someone catch you and Vincent working on the side? Shoot him? Ellie Brass: I wasn't even there. Det. Sam Vega: Where were you? Ellie Brass: Home. In the bathroom. Warrick: Yeah, she was passing pellets of cocaine. Ellie Brass: I'm out of here. (ELLIE BRASS stands and heads toward the door. DET. SAM VEGA also stands and stops her.) Det. Sam Vega: Sit down. (ELLIE BRASS moves back to the table and sits down.) Det. Sam Vega: Thank you. Warrick: With your permission, we need to take some x-rays. Ellie Brass: As long as you're the one doing them. Det. Sam Vega: We'd also like to take a look at your car. Ellie Brass: I lent it to my boyfriend. Warrick: And what is his name? Ellie Brass: You know, you have this whole Lenny Kravitz thing going on. I'm not one for brothers, but ... damn. Warrick: His name. (She smiles.) Ellie Brass: Keith Driscoll. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] Brass: Now you're telling me to get involved. Warrick: You were behind the glass. This evidence against your daughter doesn't look good. Brass: Hey, listen, nothing places her at the murder. Warrick: She mules drugs for a guy who ends up dead ten hours later? A BS chip scam, a lousy alibi? Brass: Vega's on it, he'll find her boyfriend and if I know my daughter, that's your shooter. (BRASS starts on down the hallway and stops when WARRICK calls to him.) Warrick: Brass. It's a big city. Boyfriend could disappear. But, hey, it's your kid. (WARRICK leaves. Camera holds on BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA is looking at the bills through the microscope. RONNIE LITRE stands next to her.) Ronnie Litre: Left scope is a government- issued $100 bill. Right scope is the money from your tourists. Scope confirms what you saw with the naked eye. Sara: On a genuine bill, the words "United States of America" are written on the border of Ben Franklin's portrait. On the Ortons' bill the intaglio script is blacked out. (Camera view through the microscope of both the genuine bill, then cut to the Orton's bill with the intaglio script smudged. Resume to present.) Ronnie Litre: It's called microprinting. A little trick treasury uses to thwart photocopying a U.S. bill. Sara: What about pigmentation? Treasury seals and serial numbers are the same color, right? Ronnie Litre: They are ... on the bill on your left. (Camera close up of two hundred dollar bills side-by-side. The bill on the left #B3915497L. The bill on the right is B471152 ... The bill on the right doesn't hold the green pigmentation.) Ronnie Litre: No printer on the market can make a true green. Blue and yellow hues always bleed in. Our monetary system depends on it. Sara: Who do we notify? Treasury? Ronnie Litre: Secret Service branch. They've got a field office in Vegas. Sara: I'll put these back in the evidence room. (SARA puts the counterfeit bills back in the evidence bag.) Sara: Wait till the Ortons find out what we do with counterfeit money. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - X-RAY ROOM] (ELLIE BRASS has a chest x-ray taken. CGI superimposes a skeletal frame on her bare back to give us a glimpse inside.) FADE INTO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (X-ray film on the vertical light board. There's no evidence of drugs inside ELLIE BRASS.) X-ray Technician: Nothing. Ellie Brass: Told you I was clean. Warrick: So you gave up your drugs to your boss, huh? Ellie Brass: Boss? Warrick: Do you realize every time you ingest one of those pellets that you risk dying from an overdose? Ellie Brass: Only if I eat. Releases gastric acids, blah, blah, blah... Warrick: So you can just not eat? Ellie Brass: Well, you see, the thing with me is I'm mind over matter. I can imagine a hamburger, and I'm full. Will you fill me up, Warrick? (Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] Warrick: I don't think I can handle this. I got to call Grissom. (WARRICK pulls out his cell phone and turns it on. NICK stops him.) Nick: Then call him. Warrick: But? Nick: I didn't say anything. Warrick: I heard it, bro -- a "but" in there. Nick: You know how Grissom is. If you ask him for the keys to the car he's going to ask you if you've done your homework. Warrick: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Nick: It's like a multiple choice question. You know? Go with your first choice. Warrick: Sack up. Nick: Sack up. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAYLIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BRASS CAR] (BRASS is driving. He punches in some information on the ElectroCom Communication Systems L.P. monitor. The following information returns: ) LICENSE NO: QLF 084 YR: 1976 TYPE: CAMARO VEHICLE REGISTERED TO: ELLIE REBECCA BRASS (A cell phone rings. BRASS answers it.) INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY] Brass: (over phone) So, what, did Warrick tell you to call me? Catherine: Do you think you're the only friend I've got in the police department? I'm just telling you, be careful. (CATHERINE opens her car door.) Brass: What am I supposed to do? Hold my breath and count to ten? Catherine: Hey, look, we all get a little crazy when our kids are involved. Brass: Look. I go on the job, it's standard police work. Enjoy Reno. I got this. Catherine: Okay. Hey, but listen. If you find the boyfriend, don't go it alone. (Suddenly, a red camaro pulls up in front of BRASS. It's tires squealing. BRASS notices the license plate: NEV 428 RQV and registration 3/2002. BRASS begins to pursue the car.) Brass: (to CATHERINE) Don't worry, I won't. (He hangs up. He picks up his police radio and calls it in.) Brass: (to radio) Dispatch, Navaho 41 niner seven. In pursuit of a '78 red camaro. Suspect wanted for questioning. (A car chase ensues. BRASS' black car, license # 29979 chases the red camaro. The red camaro does a 180 then manages to turn off into a deserted site. BRASS catches up with the red camaro as it comes to a halt.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION LOT -- DAY] (BRASS exits the car. He swings and breaks the driver side window and opens the door. He grabs the driver and looks in the car at the passenger.) Brass: Which one's Keith Driscoll? Hitchhiker (Marty Gillmore): I was just hitchhiking. I told the guy to let me out. I begged him. Brass: Get lost. (The Hitchhiker opens his door, unbuckles his seat belt and runs out of the car.) (BRASS pulls the driver out of the car and holds him against he car.) Keith Driscoll: Easy man. Brass: I'm only going to ask you once. What are you and Ellie into? Keith Driscoll: What do you mean? Brass: You got her muling in drugs from Mexico. You got her mixed up in homicide over at the ... Keith Driscoll: No, you got it backwards, man. She turned me on to coke so I could stud for her. (BRASS pulls out his weapon. Sirens can be heard in the distance. Three cop cars approach the two cars.) Keith Driscoll: Hey, you can't just shoot me, man. (BRASS reholsters his weapon and takes a step back. DET. SAM VEGA emerges from his car - license #574-6ZI.) [SCENE_BREAK] Det. Sam Vega: Brass! Yo, Jim we got it. Brass: Everything's cool. Keith Driscoll: Hey, this guy was going to kill me, man. He pulled his gun. Det. Sam Vega: (interrupting) I'm sure the officer felt his life was in imminent danger, sir. We're detaining you for questioning related to the murder of Vincent Avery. Keith Driscoll: I'm not riding with him. Det. Sam Vega: You're right. You're not. (DET. SAM VEGA walks past BRASS. Their eyes meet. Camera holds on BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL POOLSIDE -- DAY] Matthew Orton: What do you mean, you can't give it back? That's all the money we have for our vacation. Sara: Well, it's counterfeit. We have to take it out of circulation. Cindy Orton: What? Sara: Mr. Orton, you don't look so surprised. Cindy Orton: Matt? Honey? Matthew Orton: I went to the gas station. The attendant told me the hundred I gave him was phony so I went to our branch bank here and I tried to exchange the bad money for the good but they said we couldn't do it. I mean, why would anybody turn in bad money if they can't get reimbursed for it? Sara: Because it's in violation of Title 18, Section 473 of the United States Code punishable by up to fifteen years for knowingly passing on bad money. Cindy Orton: Oh, my! God. Matthew Orton: I just didn't want to get stuck holding the bag. Sara: Do you have a $20 bill? Cindy Orton: No, our wallets are up in the room. Sara: Uh, I may have something. You see that ghost? Right there on the right? (SARA fishes out a $20 bill #BC66600758B. She holds it up to the light.) Cindy Orton: Oh, yeah. Sara: Government embeds them in all bills. Protects against forgeries. You should see Lincoln on the five; he looks really stressed out. (SARA hands the bill to MATTHEW ORTON who takes a look at it also.) Matthew Orton: Wish I had met you last week. Sara: A Special Agent from Secret Service is going to want to talk to you about the final disposition of this case. (CINDY ORTON and MATTHEW ORTON look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (While walking down the hallway, WARRICK drops off a file at the main desk. He's stopped by a man waiting at the counter.) Special Agent Beckman: Warrick Brown? Special Agent Beckman, Treasury Department. You're subbing in tonight, right? Warrick: Treasury department? Special Agent Beckman: Wanted to be sure CSI's on the same page on this counterfeit case. Warrick: Counterfeit? Special Agent Beckman: Our lab's going to want to analyze that money, too. Warrick: What money? (SARA approaches the group.) Sara: You were with Brass's daughter. I didn't want to interrupt you. Warrick: On a federal case? Sara: Agent Beckman? I'm Sara Sidle. We spoke on the phone. Could you excuse us for a minute? (SARA and WARRICK move to the side. SPECIAL AGENT BECKMAN gives them some privacy.) Sara: Warrick ... (NICK meets up with them.) Nick: You got to turn on your pager. I got Brass' daughter's car in the garage. Warrick: Hold up. I'm dealing with something. Sara: This is why I didn't bring this to you. Nick: Hey, Vega says we won't be able to hold the suspect more than half an hour. (SPECIAL AGENT BECKMAN interrupts the group.) Special Agent Beckman: Did Sidle hold back information on this money? Sara: I didn't not tell him. I ran with the case. I do it with Grissom all the time. Warrick: Well, I'm not Grissom! Nick: Guys ... Sara: I didn't say it. Warrick: Sara, brief Special Agent Beckman on the funny money. Nick, the garage. (WARRICK leaves the group. NICK looks at SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Music fades up.) Lyric: ["Time Has Come Today", by W. Chambers / J. Chambers] "Time has come today / Young hearts can go their way / Can't put it off another day / I don't care what others say / They say we don't listen anyway / Time has come today / hey / oh / The rules have changed today / hey / I have no place to stay / hey / Thinking about the subway / hey / My love has flown away / hey / My tears have come and gone / Oh, my Lord, I have to run / hey / I have no home / hey / I have no home / hey ... " (NICK and WARRICK work on getting the car (NEV license #428 RQV) tires printed. They grease the tires.) (Cut to WARRICK measuring the diameter of the tire. Cut to them cutting the paper. Cut to the paper being slid under the car. Cut to the tires being marked. Cut to the car being lowered onto the paper. Cut to them rolling the car forward. Cut to them putting black powder on the paper.) (They examine the car tire print. NICK notices the void.) Nick: Tire plug. That's a nail in sheep's clothing. (NICK hands a photo to WARRICK for comparison. He himself picks up a photo for comparison.) Nick: Treads from the crime scene. (NICK compares the void in the photo to the void on the tire print.) Nick: The void on the one-to-one matches the void on Ellie's left rear tire. Siamese twins. Warrick: Proves one thing. This was the getaway car used in the murder. Nick: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY] (Two tire print photos are placed on the table. There is an additional woman there, KEITH DRISCOLL'S LAWYER. She picks up the photographs to examine.) Warrick: We printed the vehicle your client was found driving. It puts the car at the scene of Vincent Avery's murder less than twelve hours ago. Lawyer: Come off it. The car's not even registered to him. Det. Sam Vega: Right. It's registered to the girl he bought tickets to Baja for. Warrick: Bought tickets for Victor Avery as well. Det. Sam Vega: Tickets were bought with your credit card but we have no proof he ever went down there. Lawyer: He's a generous guy. Det. Sam Vega: Till Avery made him mad. Lawyer: You want to talk out the gun your captain pulled on my client -- an unarmed man? That's got P.D. brutality written all over it. Warrick: Vega? Det. Sam Vega: Safety precaution only. We're done. Lawyer: Let's go. (KEITH DRISCOLL stands and leaves. WARRICK and DET. SAM VEGA look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE VAULT] Special Agent Beckman: They don't have any money in their bathing suits so you suspect them of a high-end counterfeit operation. Sara: No, but it did get me thinking. If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't. Take a look. This is the money we got from the con man. See the serial numbers? Each one is different. (White flash close up to the serial numbers on the bills: AB84954856G ... AB33915497L ... AB58365105R ... AB49705903A ... AB66465742I ... AB23494506R ... AB48302606X ... AB47063492G. White flash to present.) Special Agent Beckman: Just like real money. Sara: That's what threw Ronnie and I off the scent. This couple didn't make one bill and run off 100 copies with the same serial number. (Quick Flash to a single hundred dollar bill #AE49705903A(E5) being photocopied. Resume on SARA.) Sara: They had to burn separate plates for each serial number. (Quick Flash to a single hundred dollar bill without serial number having the following serial nos. lasered into it: AB49705903A ... AB66465742I ... AB58365105R ... Resume to present.) Sara: Much harder to catch. Special Agent Beckman: Very high-end. The Duffys are major counterfeiters. Sara: You mean the Ortons. Special Agent Beckman: Our investigators tell me they're the Duffys from Las Vegas County. Orton's their assumed names. Sara: How long have you known that? Special Agent Beckman: As soon as you phoned me I went on a T-Department Database. They've each done time for interstate fraud. And, yes, high-end counterfeiting. Sara: You federal guys are sneaky. Special Agent Beckman: Access. So, what do you want to do with the money? Sara: It's your money now. Well, the Treasury's. Special Agent Beckman: Thanks. I'll take it from here. Find their operation and shut it down. (SPECIAL AGENT BECKMAN gathers up the bills and starts to leave the room. He turns around when SARA protests.) Sara: Hey! I'm still part of this. Special Agent Beckman: Not really. But you're making me look good to my superiors so if you want to tag along ... Sara: I don't "tag" along. Special Agent Beckman: Suit yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] Warrick : (V.O.) We got bad news from the garage. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (WARRICK and BRASS walk down the hallway.) Brass: Give it to me. Warrick: The tire evidence puts Ellie's car at the murder scene. We'll be pressing charges, murder of Vincent Avery. Brass: Oh, come on -- you know she didn't kill him. Keith Driscoll did. Warrick: Maybe so, but we don't have Driscoll. Brass: What? Warrick: Vega had to turn him loose after your gun episode. Brass: Oh, I get it. So Vega thinks she'll eventually rat out Driscoll. Warrick: That's what you cops think. Brass: Yeah, well, let me tell you something about my daughter. (They stop walking. BRASS turns to WARRICK.) Brass: Never happened. (BRASS leaves. Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- BRASS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS] (ELLIE BRASS stands by the shelf. She fingers one of the numerous awards. BRASS walks in. She turns around.) Ellie Brass: Are they arresting me? Brass: I'm going to bail you out. You can stay at my place. Ellie Brass: I have a place. Brass: You have a place? Ellie Brass: Keith and I do. We share everything. (BRASS signs and moves around the desk to stand in front of ELLIE.) Brass: Ellie, why do you do this to yourself? You're better than that. You're better than him. Ellie Brass: No, I'm not. (Camera holds on BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (WARRICK is alone in Grissom's office. He's going through the file when the phone rings.) Warrick: (to phone) Grissom's office. CSI ... Warrick speaking. Det. Sam Vega: Warrick. It's Vega. We've got a four-forty-four. Warrick: Officer-involved shooting? Who? Det. Sam Vega: One guess. (WARRICK hangs the phone up and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DRISCOLL RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Police officers and an ambulance is there. BRASS is sitting alone on the low brick fence. He's holding an ice pack to the back of his head. Behind him, the coroner wheels out a bagged body on a gurney. It's KEITH DRISCOLL.) (ECKLIE follows the body out. WARRICK and NICK arrive at the scene.) Ecklie: Congratulations, Brown. You just bounced off the glass ceiling. Warrick: Excuse me? Ecklie: Brass buys his daughter a get out of jail free card and her boyfriend ends up on a gurney. Good call. Warrick: Ecklie, you're day shift. And you're here because ... Ecklie: I'm dedicated. Warrick: Yeah, picture that. (WARRICK and NICK pass ECKLIE. They're met up by DET. SAM VEGA who fills them in.) Warrick: What the hell happened? Det Sam Vega: Keith Driscoll shot in the throat. First officer here found Brass in the apartment, woozy. Keith Driscoll on the floor, lights out. Nick: Where's his daughter? Det. Sam Vega: No one knows. I got guys out looking for her right now. Nick: Check his weapon? Det. Sam Vega: Waiting on you guys. (DET. SAM VEGA holds out the gun. NICK puts his case down and takes the weapon. He pauses and looks up at WARRICK. NICK gives the gun to WARRICK. WARRICK releases the cartridge and hands the gun to NICK. WARRICK counts the rounds. NICK hands him the bullet from the chamber. Fifteen total.) Warrick: There's one round missing. (They all turn to look over at BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Det Sam Vega: It's just you and me talking now, Jim. Off the record. You went to the apartment? Brass: Yeah. Det Sam Vega: You notify dispatch? Brass: It was a personal visit. Det. Sam Vega: You went looking for Keith Driscoll? Brass: No. I went looking for Ellie. (Quick flashback to KEITH DRISCOLL opening the front door and BRASS pinning him up against the wall.) Brass: Where is she?! Driscoll: She's not here, man! Hey, you got a warrant? (BRASS tosses him to the sofa.) (BRASS leaves KEITH DRISCOLL to look in the back room. KEITH DRISCOLL knocks BRASS out with a baseball bat. BRASS falls to the floor. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Brass: Everything's a blur after that. Det Sam Vega: Do you remember drawing your gun? Brass: No. Det Sam Vega: But you're leaving something out. (Quick flashback to KEITH DRISCOLL on the sofa.) Driscoll: Hey, you got a warrant?! (BRASS ignores KEITH DRISCOLL and goes to look in the back room. KEITH DRISCOLL grabs the baseball bat and gets off of the sofa. BRASS pushes the beads aside.) Brass: Ellie, are you here? (KEITH DRISCOLL hits BRASS with the baseball bat on the back of his head. BRASS falls to the floor unconscious. End of flashback.) Brass: I'm not leaving anything out. Det. Sam Vega: Your daughter lives there. She probably saw what happened. We're going to pick her up eventually. Brass: Careful, she spits. (BRASS puts the ice pack back to the back of his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (WARRICK swabs the gun handle. NICK stands next to the table.) Nick: One shot? Warrick: Fifteen bullets left in brass's gun. There should be sixteen. Nick: What kind of cop doesn't empty his magazine? They're trained to shoot to kill. (NICK slowly walks out of the lab. WARRICK stops him.) Warrick: Hey. Look where I just located this blood? Back of the grip. Nick: Novice shooters get their hands pinched in the slide. (Quick CGI POV of the gun firing and the slide leaving blood behind. End of CGI POV.) Warrick: Slide bite. Man, Brass didn't shoot this guy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Warrick: I need you to show me your hands. Brass: You going to test for gunshot residue? It's a little late for that. Warrick: Your hands, Captain. (BRASS holds out his hands. WARRICK checks BRASS' right hand. He steps back.) Brass: Satisfied? Warrick: I'm going to need to take your badge. Brass: It not your job to take my stripes. In this case it is. Warrick: Detective Vega. (BRASS holds up his hand.) Brass: No. (BRASS pulls out his badge and places it on the table. WARRICK puts it in an envelope.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE ORTONS'/DUFFYS' PRESS ROOM -- NIGHT] Sara: AB Dick forty-nine ten (4910). Eleven by fourteen (11x14) offsets this is the Rolls Royce of printers. Closest thing to what the government uses. Multiple inks. Disaperf computer paper. Special Agent Beckman: Heavy rag. Twenty-five percent (25%) content. Makes for durability. Sara: Mr. Duffy, can Agent Beckman and I see your burn plates please. (MATTHEW ORTON/DUFFY goes to the printer to get the burn plate. He hands it to SARA.) Sara: Press, ink, paper, burn plates ... the only question now is ... where's the money? Mr. and Mrs. Duffy? Cindy Orton (Duffy): There isn't any. Sara: Oh, come on. You can print a million dollars a day with this operation. Where is it? Special Agent Beckman: There is no money. Sara: Excuse me? I don't get this. Beckman ... Special Agent Beckman: Congratulations, Sidle. You passed. Sara: Passed? Special Agent Beckman: Duffy is their code alias. This is Special Agent Conners. This is Special Agent Tessari. We're all with service. Quality control. Sara: I don't ... Special Agent Beckman: We put bait money in the hands of bad people. In this case, a reputed con. Our directive is to see how the money leads to law enforcement. Sara: What if Vincent Avery wasn't murdered in that parking lot? Special Agent Tessari (Cindy Orton/Duffy): Murder wasn't on the agenda. Special Agent Beckman: However, in light of unpredictable events this sting still upheld. It came to you, Sidle, and you didn't take. You should be very proud. Sara: Wow. I don't feel that at all. Special Agent Beckman: It never feels right when it works. Only feels wrong when it doesn't. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- NIGHT] Greg: First, I have the saliva sample taken from captain Brass's badge. Better known as Ellie's DNA. Take a good look at her markers. Second, blood sample from Jim Brass. Warrick: They're nothing alike. Greg: From parent to child seven of thirteen markers should match up minimum. In this case there's not a single marker in common. I don't have Ellie's mother's DNA on file but my guess is ... Warrick: What, is she adopted? (WARRICK sighs.) Warrick: What about the blood on Brass's gun? Greg: Not Brass's, not Ellie's. Warrick: Not Ellie's? Greg: No, or her boyfriend Keith Driscoll. You still got a shooter out there. Warrick: With a pinch on his hand. All right. Where's that manifest? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI] (WARRICK goes through the manifest matching credit card numbers to names.) MANIFEST: PASSENGER NAME / SEAT ASSIGNMENT TREASDEN, ALICE / 1A SHELTON, CARRIE / 1B MC MANUS, BARON / 1C GLOVER, JANE / 1D LADD, FRED / 1E GRIMSAW, LANA / 2A GRIMSHAW, LANEY / 2B WHITING, LARRY / 2C VALPO, NICK / 2D HANSON, DALLAS / 2E REYES, MARIA / 3A CONNORS, TYRONE / 3B / CREDIT CARD / 5479 ... CONNORS, TYRELL / 3C / CASH ANDERSON, LUCY / 3D / CHECK / 83398 WHITING, NANCY / 3E / CASH AVERY, VINCENT / 4A / CC / 5412 4023 8092 2034 REBECCA, ELLIE / 4B / CC / 5412 4023 8092 2034 BENNETT, MEL / 4C / CHECK PACQUETTE, DAVID / 4D / CHECK (WARRICK finds VINCENT AVERY'S name and also the credit card number.) Warrick: Vincent Avery ... (He flips to page two of the manifest.) PAGE 2 OF MANIFEST ??? / 9C / CREDIT CARD / 5439 3939 3839 383 TRUMAN, SIDNEY / 9D / CASH / *** FRAM, KIMBERLY / 10A / CHECK / 9727 ARAGON, SHERYL / 10B / CHECK / 9727 BENNETT, MARK / 10D / CASH / *** LAMBERT, ERIC / 11A / CHECK / 1425 ZIEGLAR, TAYLOR / 11C / CASH / *** GILLMORE MARTY / 11D / CREDIT CARD / 5412 4023 8092 2034 BELL, DUSTIN / 12A / CASH / *** HOLOWELL, JAMES / BLANK / CREDIT CARD / 5429 3839 ... NEWSOME, BERRY / 12C / CREDIT CARD / 5428 ... ARRINGTON, THOMAS / 12D / CREDIT CARD / ROCKWELL, AL / 13A / CHECK / MC FEE, WILLESTSA / 13B / CHECK / DOYLE, JAMES / 13D / Warrick: Two-zero-three-four ... two-zero-three-four... (WARRICK finds a match to the credit card number. He puts an "X" by "GILLMORE, MARTY'S" name.) Warrick: Marty Gillmore. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MARTY GILLMORE'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (MARTY GILLMORE is on his bike. He's starting the engine when two cop cars pulls up the drive to block his exit.) Brass: Hold it. Hold it. Warrick: Game's over, Marty. Brass: The hitchhiker. Warrick: You know this guy? Brass: Yeah, we met. When the three of you got back from Baja. Warrick: You conned the captain. I got to shake your hand. (WARRICK holds out his hand.) Marty Gillmore: What? Is this a joke? Warrick: No, on the real. (MARTY GILLMORE takes WARRICK'S outstretched hand. WARRICK flips it over to check for the slide bite. There is one.) Warrick: You shot Driscoll ... ...with his firearm. Brass: That was you in the other room. (Quick flashback to MARTY DRISCOLL coming out of the room after BRASS is unconscious on the floor. ) Keith Driscoll: I think I killed him. (MARTY GILLMORE checks BRASS' pulse and takes his gun at the same time.) Marty Gillmore: Wrong ... he killed you. (He turns around and fires at KEITH DRISCOLL. Camera close up on the gun slide cutting MARTY GILLMORE'S hand. MARTY puts the gun back in BRASS' grip as KEITH DRISCOLL falls to the floor dead. MARTY GILLMORE leaves the room. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on WARRICK.) Warrick: So you off'ed Driscoll to take over his drug op. What about Ellie? (MARTY GILLMORE doubles over.) Marty Gillmore: She's supposed to be in jail for shooting Avery at the casino. Warrick: You eat something? Marty Gilmore: I took a laxative. Warrick: Oh, god, he's going to OD. Can we get a medic? (BRASS doesn't move. WARRICK looks at BRASS.) Warrick: Can we get a medic? (BRASS still doesn't move.) Warrick: Brass?! (BRASS pulls out his cell phone and makes the call.) Brass: (to phone) I need rescue. 826 Herrick Lane. Overdose. Send an ambulance. Marty Gillmore: Oh, my god, I'm going to die. Brass: No, worse-- you're going to live. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY] (BRASS walks through the double doors. WARRICK runs to catch up to him. Warrick: Brass. Hang on. (WARRICK returns BRASS' shield to him.) Warrick: I only took it to get Ellie's DNA off of it. That's it. Brass: A man's got to do ... (WARRICK nods slightly and says nothing. He does look as if he has something else on his mind.) Brass: What is it, Rick? Warrick: We were checking out the blood from your gun. We compared your DNA to her DNA. Brass: Yeah? Warrick: You never said anything about her being adopted. (BRASS looks around and puts his badge back on. He looks up at WARRICK.) Brass: She's not. Call it the mailman. Ellie doesn't know. (WARRICK nods. BRASS walks away. Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FOUNTAIN -- NIGHT] (ELLIE walks by the fountain on her way somewhere. She's carrying a large traveling shoulder bag with her. She stops when BRASS calls out to her.) Brass: Ellie. (ELLIE signs.) Ellie Brass: How'd you find me? Brass: I'm a detective. Listen, I heard that you never went back to Driscoll's apartment that night. Ellie Brass: It's true. Brass: I could have sworn I heard you in that other room. Ellie Brass: No, dad. I was never there. Never. Brass: I guess I've been doing that since you've been born. I mean, I know I was never around, but ... you know, no matter where I am ... no matter what I'm doing ... I always think that you're there. Even if you're not. Come back to me, Ellie. Ellie Brass: Dad, it's way too late. I got to catch a flight to Jersey. Midnight. Mom says that I can stay with her for awhile. Brass: Sure. Okay. You need a ride to the airport? I can get you there fast. Ellie Brass: Thanks. I'm taking the shuttle. Brass: Oh. Yeah. Okay. (ELLIS starts to walk away.) Brass: Catch you later. (ELLIE turns around and smiles at BRASS. Camera holds on BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT CSI - HALLWAY] (SARA walks through the hallway. She carries her CSI kit with her and passes WARRICK as he walks in the opposite direction.) Warrick: Hey, Sara. Sara: Hey. (WARRICK stops and turns around calling back to SARA.) Warrick: Hey ... I'm a little short on cash. Can you loan me a hundred? Sara: Funny, very funny. (SARA deliberately glances down at her wrist watch.) Sara: Oh, look, shift's over. Guess you're one of us again. (SARA smiles and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (GRISSOM walks though the hallway, his traveling bags slung over his shoulder and container of cockroaches in his left hand. As he passes the Break Room, WARRICK calls out to him.) Warrick: Hey, Griss. How'd it go? (GRISSOM detours into the Break Room to stop to talk with WARRICK.) Grissom: The seminar was fine. Every one of my roaches got stage fright. They came in fourth, third, second and dead last. How about you? How'd you do? (GRISSOM puts his bags down.) Warrick: Well, the job is fine. It's the other stuff -- the personalities. Grissom: "I love mankind, it's people I can't stand." Warrick: Is that Einstein? Grissom: Linus. Warrick: Charlie Brown. Figures. Is that why you put me in charge? Grissom: You think I like dealing with people? Remember when you asked me what I was in high school? Warrick: Yeah, you said "A Ghost". (GRISSOM sits down.) Grissom: When I leave CSI, there won't be any cake in the break room. I'll just be gone. So I wanted to see if you could step in. (WARRICK nods.) Grissom: Tell me ... all of it, from the top. Warrick: From the top? (WARRICK sighs and sits down across GRISSOM.) Warrick: I don't know where to start. It was wild. Grissom: Couldn't have been that bad. (Camera pulls back down the hallway on the two men.)

With Grissom away, Warrick is in charge for the first time as the team investigates the murder of the con artist, who has run off with some tourists' money only to get shot and killed in the parking lot. The prime suspect in the case turns out to be Captain Brass' daughter, which causes Brass to take himself off the investigation professionally, but not personally.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_07x01

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_07x01_0

MEREDITH (VOIX OFF): In our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically, we're brand-new people. WOMAN: Are you visiting Seattle for the first time? MIRANDA: Oh, no, no. I live in Seattle. I- I just went home for a month. I took my son to see my parents. WOMAN: Oh. What do you do in Seattle? MIRANDA: Uh, I'm a surgeon. WOMAN: Uh, uh, did you know any of those doctors... (lowered voice) from that shooting? MERDEDITH (VOIX OFF): We may look the same. We probably do. The change isn't visible... At least not in most of us. But we're all changed... Completely... Forever. MEREDITH: But that's normal. I mean, it's a biological imperative-- change. So the shooting changed me. I'm changed. But I'm also ready to get back to work. I mean, as ready as any of us are. But I'm also ready sitting around the house, waiting... I just spend my time worrying. DR PERKINS: Your husband was shot. That's a lot to worry about. MEREDITH: I'm worried about Cristina. She's getting married, and that's just... Well, I had to cut her out of her last wedding dress with scissors, so... DR PERKINS: You watched your husband gets shot. MEREDITH: He's fine. He's coming back to work today, actually. (screams inaudibly)(shell casing clatters) (monitor emitting continuous tone) We're all fine. (monitor alarm blares) (pager beeps) Uh, ex-excuse me. DR PERKINS: Is everything okay, Dr. Grey? MEREDITH: Yes. Yes. Everything's fine. (cell door clatters) (bangs) MAN: Opening two. (buzzer sounds) DEREK: It doesn't look too bad. You just gotta keep an eye on it. Make sure it doesn't get any bigger. But if it changes color, you should see a doctor. MAN: Dr. Shepherd. DEREK: Mm. PRISONER: Your lady looks pissed. (buzzer sounds) MEREDITH: Again, Derek? (cell door clangs) ARIZONA: Whew. (sighs) (elevator bell dings) What? CALLIE: Nothin'. Just... You're awesome. MIRANDA: Chief. RICHARD: Oh, Dr. Bailey. Welcome back. MIRANDA: Thank you, sir. RICHARD: We missed you here. The place isn't the... same. Mm. Uh, did you get cleared for surgery? MIRANDA: What do you mean, "cleared for surgery"? Who has to clear me? (elevator bell dings) MEREDITH: Well, the next time, I'll leave you there. DEREK: You said that already. MEREDITH: Oh, Derek got arrested again. DEREK: Meredith... MEREDITH: Reckless endangerment. DEREK: Please. CRISTINA: Did he lose his license yet? MEREDITH: Oh, no, because they don't charge him, because the cops worship him. DEREK: Because I saved some of their lives. MEREDITH: What are we picking? CRISTINA: Dress color. I'm not wearing white. Mm. It's sexist and... vaguely racist. Oh. No white, no veil, no rice. MEREDITH: Well, what will your mother say? CRISTINA: No mother. MEREDITH: (sighs) you know, I didn't get cleared for surgery... and I'm pretty sure it's your fault. DEREK: Meredith, I am the chief. I can overrule the counselor. MEREDITH: You can? (chuckles) Yes. I love the blue. APRIL: Chief shepherd, you're back. DEREK: Good morning. APRIL: I find a giant skull base chordoma. Biggest one I've ever seen. DEREK: Really? APRIL: He came in to the e.R. With trouble breathing. MEREDITH: You got cleared for surgery? APRIL: I did. MEREDITH: Bitch. CRISTINA: I like the brown, too. APRIL: I know it looks inoperable. I mean, I would've said it was inoperable, but you're back and you're you. DEREK: Right. Hey, uh, yes, good morning. Thank you. Thank you very much. (staff cheers) Good. Thank you. Thank you very much. It's, uh, it's great to be back. First of all, I'd like to thank Dr. Webber for stepping up in my absence. Thank you. (staff cheers) Uh, I'm grateful for all of you, for all of your support during my recovery. Thank you. Uh, it's just, uh, so great to be back as chief. I'm grateful for the, uh... (inhales sharply) I'm sorry. That's a lie. That's what people say, and, uh, the truth is... (man clears throat) I hate being chief. I hate it. (staff murmuring) Chief Webber... (murmuring continues) Chief Webber is our chief. Um... And I'm sorry, but this giant... Sorry, I gotta go look at this chordoma. I, um, I'm sorry, but... (chuckles) I quit. (staff murmuring) Let's go, Kepner. Come on. APRIL: Oh, sorry. Okay. MIRANDA: (laughing) He just quit. (continues laughing) MEREDITH: He was supposed to clear me for surgery. ALEX: (exhales) Yeah. TEDDY: The bullet's at the surface. That's good. I can take it out now. ALEX: Nah. I mean, if it's not infected, I'm gonna keep it. It's my war wound. (chuckles) Besides... Chicks dig that crap. (door opens) (beeps) CALLIE: (sighs) Oh, my god. MARK: Wow. You weren't kidding. APRIL: The last surgeon broke the dura, which enabled the tumor to mushroom into the brain and down into the spine. DEREK: It's wrapped around his brain stem. (beep) whatever we do, we need to do it quickly. MARK: The size of this thing... Normally I open up the sinuses or the hard palate. DEREK: Well, now you have to open up both. MARK: You want me to split his whole face open? Sinuses, hard palate, tongue, jaw... CALLIE: A broken jaw is excruciating, let alone the rest of it. MEREDITH: Does this kid know what he's in for? DEREK: He wants to live. I don't think he's concerned about the pain. MEREDITH: Well, but you don't know how enmeshed the tumor is. You don't even know if you can get it all. DEREK: Thank you, Dr. Grey. MARK: If you want to try this thing, Torres and I are gonna need to coordinate. What are we thinking, a week? DEREK: No later. CALLIE: I'll clear my schedule. Welcome back, Dr. Shepherd. DEREK: Thank you, Dr. Torres. MEREDITH: You're not even cleared for surgery yet. (monitor beeps) DEREK: I'll get cleared. (clears throat) (Reflection eternal feat. Estelle) (record needle scratches, music stops) RICHARD: Uh, Dr. Grey. MEREDITH: (chuckles) Chief Webber. RICHARD: Yeah, a little... little exercise. MEREDITH: Okay. RICHARD: Mm. Something I can do for you? MEREDITH: Yeah. Um, that stupid counselor Perkins, he won't clear me for surgery. So I was just wondering... RICHARD: No. MEREDITH: But he cleared... RICHARD: I'm... I'm sorry. I am. But we brought in the best, and when Andrew Perkins says you're not cleared, then it's him you need to talk to. LEXIE: Did you hear that Dr. Yang and Dr. Hunt are getting married? DR PERKINS: I did. LEXIE: It's pretty great, huh? It's almost like a silver lining. You know, I... I've read a lot about trauma and how, uh, sometimes people just up and change their lives. They say that the trauma was the best thing that could've happened to them. You know, like Dr. Shepherd this morning. Did you hear that he's not chief anymore? DR PERKINS: And how have you been, Dr. Grey? You've been through a lot since I last saw you. (gunshot) (flashback) ANDREW: does, uh, anyone have anything to say? I know that, uh, a lot of you are only here because this has been mandated. So let's talk. Anything at all? CRISTINA: I ate a really good taco from one of those trucks by the side of the road. MEREDITH: When? CRISTINA: Last night. You were asleep. JACKSON: Which truck? The one on 7th? ALEX: I want to I like tacos. APRIL: Me, too. LEXIE: I read a book... About the history of mass murders in the US. That's... that's the actual name of what happened to us. It was a mass murder. You can't call it a terrorist attack, because the murders weren't political in nature. And we weren't the victims of a serial killer, because Mr. Clark would've had to murder several people over a period longer than 30 days in order to qualify him as a serial killer. We could call it a spree killing... (gunfire) which is defined as killings at two or more locations with no break or pause in between, because Mr. Clark shot that guy in his car before he got here. But I'm not sure that... that counts as a true second location since it was so close to the hospital, which means that we were a mass murder, because it happened at one place, by one person, and more than four people were killed. (object rattles) (taps fingers on table) OWEN: Oh, that was quite a show this morning. DEREK: I didn't plan it. OWEN: (chuckles) Made it better. Any regrets? DEREK: No. Any regrets about proposing to Cristina? OWEN: None. DEREK: Getting shot turns out to not be the worst thing after all. OWEN: I need a best man. I... I know... I know we're not that close, but... I don't know. You being married to the other twisted sister, I... (chuckles) I just thought it... It kinda made us like brothers or something. DEREK: I'd be honored. It's an honor. OWEN: Thank you. DEREK: You need a bachelor party? OWEN: No, no, no. DEREK: Even better. (elevator bell dings) (siren wailing) DR PERKINS: On the, uh, day of the shooting, I understand that you had a particularly difficult day. MIRANDA: On the day I gave birth to my son, and he needed a craniotomy, and he almost died on Derek Shepherd's table. Now that was a particularly difficult day. And at the end of that day, my son was born, and my husband lived. But at the end of this day... The, uh... 'Unh! (shell casing clatters) No! No!' Um... This daywas the worst dayof my life. (flashback) BEN: Miranda. (she gasps) I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... MIRANDA: No, you... you don't just sneak up on people. Okay? BEN: You don't... I got these. I was, um, I was playing golf. My phone was off, and I'm... MIRANDA: You know, 18 people got shot, 11 died, one in my arms. A boy died in my arms, and you were playing golf. BEN: Bailey... MIRANDA: We gotta go. (Tuck babbles) BEN: Well, where... where are you going? MIRANDA: Home, uh, to my mom. Right? Yeah? We're gonna go see grandma? Yeah, Tuck. Here you go. BEN: When are you coming back? MIRANDA: Okay, here, here. Here's your car. BEN: Miranda, w... when are you coming back? MIRANDA: (engine turns over) Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, tuck. DONNA (PATIENT'S MOTHER): No. No. GREG (PATIENT): M... mom. DONNA: You're talking about slicing his face in half, breaking his jaw, cutting his tongue. It's just... it just sounds crazy. DEREK: I know. I wish I could offer some comfort, but honestly, there's no comfort that can be offered in this situation. Let me just say that... Every medical advancement started with the statement, "that sounds crazy." Let me try. Donna, let me help. DONNA: Okay. Let's try. Let's... Okay. DEREK: Good. Okay. MEREDITH: He could not wake up. He could... wake up... and never be able to move again. He could go blind. He could lose his ability to speak or to eat. He could require around-the-clock care for the rest of his life. He could be in a tremendous amount of pain for the rest of his life. He could die on the table. If that doesn't happen, if none of those things happen, he's still facing months of excruciatingly painful recovery from this surgery. And before you make a decision, you need to understand the risks. You're driving awfully fast, Dr. Shepherd. The least you could do is wear a seat belt. DR PERKINS: You've been working. ALEX: In the clinic, in the pit. We haven't been allowed to operate, which makes zero sense if you ask me. DR PERKINS: I'd like to, uh, talk to you about the incident last week. ALEX: She's not my responsibility. DR PERKINS: She was your girlfriend. ALEX: Well, she's not anymore. (monitor beeping rhythmically) (flashback) MARK: Karev, give me another suture. LEXIE: My patient didn't bring her meds. She doesn't even know their names. I... if I give her albuterol and she's on propanolol, then she'll stop breathing. If... if I give her warfarin and she's on ibuprofen, then she'll... then she'll bleed out. If I give her diphenhydramine and she's on doxepin, then she'll die. So do... do... do you think she wants to die? MARK'S PATIENT: Is she kidding? MARK: Karev, what's going on over there? LEXIE: I think that she wants to die. I think she wants me to kill her. Do... do you... do you... do you want me to kill you? Because you... you could just get a gun, and it would be a lot faster. MARK: Karev, get her outta here. LEXIE: You know what? So why doesn't somebody find a gun... (clattering) And we'll bring her a gun and just shoot her... MARK: Karev, help her. I can't step away. Get her out of here! LEXIE: 'cause she obviously wants to die Help! Somebody find her a gun 'cause she wants to die! ALEX: I got my own stuff to do. LEXIE: Somebody find something! DR PERKINS: Why did you walk away? ALEX: Look, life is too short. I almost died trying to stop that guy. Besides, I mean... You know how much tail you get offered when you're carrying a bullet around in your chest? It's like I'm a legend. DR PERKINS: Are you, uh... always this crass, or is that a defense mechanism? I've had too much crazy for one lifetime. MARK: You cleared Lexie Grey for surgery? DR PERKINS: Dr. Sloan, I'm in... I'm in session. MARK: I had to check her into psych last week. I had to commit her against her will! And you just clear her for surgery? What the hell kind of doctor are you? LEXIE: It's okay. You can talk to him. ALEX: I'll come back. MARK: Yeah, walk away. You're good at that. DR PERKINS: She got snowed. Psych put her on heavy doses of antipsychotics and benzos. And then she slept for almost 50 hours straight. When she woke up, she was no longer a risk to herself or others. I mean, she has P.T.S.D. Most of you do. For her, it caused severe sleep deprivation and led to a breakdown. All she needed was sleep. So protocol is that she goes back to work. LEXIE: See? I'm okay. Really. I'm back. TEDDY: Clamp. OWEN: So how are you? I hear there's a guy. TEDDY: Yeah, there's a guy. OWEN: Mm. That good? (laughs) TEDDY: (laughs) Shut up. I need another clamp. So... You're getting married. OWEN: I am. I am getting married. TEDDY: I'm happy for you. I am, really. OWEN: Really? TEDDY: Yeah. OWEN: Thank you. JACKSON: I dig weddings. I do a mean chicken dance. CRISTINA: Oh, there will be no chicken dance. And if you start a conga line, I will physically throw you out. APRIL: I just went to cafeteria, and some nurse called me Reed and then said, "I thought you died." LEXIE: Yeah, don't go to the cafeteria for lunch. They just point and stare. JACKSON: Is that why you dyed your hair? CRISTINA: They stare because we should've died. LEXIE: Pack a lunch. Keep it in your locker. MEREDITH: (Alex laughs) You are kidding me. You got cleared? ALEX: It's down to you and Yang. MEREDITH: That is not funny. CRISTINA: Well, Perkins is no dummy. He can see the crazy right under the Meredith Grey surface. MEREDITH: Again, Cristina, it's not funny because you're not gonna get cleared either, and the two of us are gonna be serving slushies at the multiplex. CRISTINA: Really? I'd choose dermatology over multiplex. JACKSON: No, I'd go gynecology over dermatology. CRISTINA: Oh, of course you would. Perv. LEXIE: I think I'd go with psych. That was a joke. CRISTINA: (forced laughter) That was good. MEREDITH: Anyway, I don't know what Perkins' problem is with me. CRISTINA: Maybe he saw your file. ALEX: Maybe he knew your mother. JACKSON: Maybe he heard how you told the shooter to shoot you. MEREDITH: Not funny. JACKSON: Not a joke. MEREDITH: Dr. Bailey. APRIL: Welcome back. ALEX: You okay? MIRANDA: I'm happy to see you all. Karev, there's a patient in 23-04 that needs an endoscopy. Grey and Yang, surely your paycheck covers more than stuffing your face in the basement. Get to the clinic now. And, you two... I'm awful sorry about the loss of your friends. APRIL: Thank you. JACKSON: So are we. MIRANDA: 22-13 has a bowel impaction, and I'm sure as hell not about to stick my hands in there. DR PERKINS: You, uh, quit your job this morning. Should I be worried about impulsivity? DEREK: (laughs) I didn't quit my job. Being chief wasn't my job. I'm a surgeon. That's what I do. That is who I am. DR PERKINS: But before you got shot... DEREK: Oh, I wanted to quit that job every day before I got shot, I just didn't have the guts to do it. After I got shot, I, uh... (gasps) Life is short. So now I think less and... DR PERKINS: So... for you, the shooting was clarifying? DEREK: A l... a lot of people died in that shooting. DR PERKINS: I'm saying, in your life today... DEREK: A lot of people died. [SCENE_BREAK] (flashback) APRIL: Meredith went to get something to eat. (voice echoes) She should be back soon. (groans) Um... I'm sorry I got you shot. By coming out of the office... I didn't listen, and then you got shot. I... I got you shot, and I just need to say, I am so... DEREK: April... APRIL: So sorry. DEREK: Gary Clark came here for me. I gave the order to pull the plug on his wife. I got everyone shot. MEREDITH: So-- oh! Is this what I need to do to get cleared? DR PERKINS: (clears throat) Dr. Grey, you're early. I'll, uh, I'll call you later. TEDDY: Yes, please. MEREDITH: That was creepy and inappropriate. I want a new counselor. DR PERKINS: Teddy was never a... a patient of mine. She was cleared for surgery before I got here. We just met in the cafeteria. MEREDITH: I'm not interested in your love life. I don't care how love blooms over day-old hot dogs. My husband is about to remove the largest chordoma on record. You cleared Lexie Grey last week. You cleared Alex Karev, who insists on running around the hospital with a bullet in his chest. DR PERKINS: I know who I've cleared. MEREDITH: So then why don't you tell me what you want me to say, and I'll say it. DR PERKINS: Dr. Grey, I don't think that you're being honest... With me or yourself. And I think that's a potentially dangerous situation. So what is it that you're not saying? (monitor beeping rhythmically) (flashback) MEREDITH: Who's with Derek? CRISTINA: Uh, when I left, um, Mark Sloan was with him. MEREDITH: And where's Owen? CRISTINA: Um, I don't know. I... I think he's still talking to the police. MEREDITH: Okay, not a word of this to Derek. You have to tell Owen because he knows. Not a word. CRISTINA: Okay. MEREDITH: And April Kepner. She knows, too. CRISTINA: Okay. MEREDITH: Well, go... go... go tell them. Go... go back to the hospital and tell them right now. CRISTINA: Don't you want me to stay for this? MEREDITH: No, I want you to go. Go and... and make sure no one says a word to Derek. CRISTINA: Okay. Okay. (monitor beeping rhythmically) (sighs) (door opens) DOCTOR: Your friend left? You want me to wait or... MEREDITH: No, just do it. DOCTOR: The d&c's pretty straightforward. The fetus was only at about 5 weeks. You'll feel some cramping after, but it shouldn't be too bad. TEDDY: Andrew and I just got busted by Meredith Grey. ARIZONA: Callie's watching me sleep. TEDDY: What? ARIZONA: She's watching me sleep. And she only watches me sleep when something is up, and I'm afraid that she's gonna propose or... start talking about making babies again, which I'm... I'm open to, honestly, just not right now, you know? And I can feel her watching me, and it is such hard work to keep my eyes closed, but I know that if I open them, that something loaded is gonna come out of her beautiful mouth and pop the pretty pink bubble that we've been floating in. TEDDY: You want to pop the bubble. ARIZONA: I don't, though. TEDDY: Believe me. I've been living in that bubble for years. Oh, no. Owen and I? We're just friends, really. Finally knowing the truth? I don't regret that. ARIZONA: My bubble is so pink and so... Pretty. TEDDY: (taps pen on counter) Pop the bubble. (Arizona sighs) DEREK: I heard you were looking for me. RICHARD: The board officially reinstated me this morning. No more "interim chief." DEREK: Well, I'm glad to hear that. RICHARD: You sure? No seller's remorse? DEREK: Oh, have you seen the tumor I'm chasing? No, no seller's remorse. RICHARD: You feel good about this surgery? DEREK: That sounds like a loaded question. RICHARD: Look, I know Perkins cleared you for surgery. Uh-huh. And I know better than to question your judgment, but... I still have nightmares, and I go to two A.A. Meetings a day. I'm not all the way back, and I didn't get shot. That's what I mean when I say, do you feel good about it? DEREK: I feel adrenaline. And, yeah... The adrenaline feels good. (chuckles) (buzzing) MEREDITH: I can't believe I'm not down there. I can't believe I'm not down there. MARK: Palate's divided. Torres. CALLIE: Yeah. Okay. We're good. MARK: Here we go. RICHARD: You ever see anything like this? OWEN: I've seen mortar fire that didn't do this much damage. MARK: All right, let's bring that microscope in and get you started. Everybody's ready? (monitor beeping rhythmically) DEREK: Okay. There's the tumor. We're there. Microdissectors, please. MEREDITH: Get up. CRISTINA: No. MEREDITH: Get up. Ow! Ow! Ow! Let's go. CRISTINA: What is wrong with you? MEREDITH: Everything is wrong. Derek is decapitating a teenager, and April Kepner is assisting, and you're sitting reading about lilies of the freakin' valley. CRISTINA: Well, you prefer peonies? MEREDITH: We are not better. Cristina, a psychiatrist, given several opportunities, has deemed unfit to do my job. CRISTINA: Well, he'll get over it. Just go back in a couple of days. MEREDITH: You are not better. CRISTINA: Well, in a couple of days, I'll be better, too. MEREDITH: In a couple of days, you'll be married. CRISTINA: Are you trying to talk me out of this? MEREDITH: Look at me and tell me you're sure. CRISTINA: Okay, you know what? No. You don't get to do this. Okay? All you get to do is help me break the tie between the lilies of the valley and the... and the peonies. That's it. MEREDITH: No, I do get to do this. I mean, Derek's the love of my life, but you're my soul mate. I do get to do this. I mean, why can't it wait six months? CRISTINA: Please don't. Don't. MEREDITH: Your flowers aren't going anywhere. You broke up with him because he couldn't choose you. CRISTINA: Don't... don't... don't do this. MEREDITH: Just why does it have to be right now? CRISTINA: You know what I think? I think you should tell Derek about the miscarriage. MEREDITH: We're talking about you. CRISTINA: We're talking about us not being "better." Then you need to tell him. MEREDITH: He's not ready. He's... he's not okay. CRISTINA: Well, you're not okay. You should tell him. DR PERKINS: Well, Dr. Yang, if you don't feel ready, there's no pressure. The hospital is prepared to work with you in whatever way... CRISTINA: What... I'm sorry. I... I'm getting special treatment? 'cause I'm the girl who operated with a gun to her head? If you don't want to clear me, don't clear me. DR PERKINS: Well, you didn't show up for your appointment last week. You were very late today. CRISTINA: I'm getting married. DR PERKINS: I heard that. Congratulations. CRISTINA: Can I go now? DR PERKINS: (chair wheels clatter) When you think about going into an O.R., how does that make you feel? CRISTINA: God, the women in these magazines... (pages rustle) Some of them are actually brides, you know? They're not all models. All smiling. It's like the only thing in the world that matters is that they find the perfect shoe to match that dress. (inhales deeply) God, you know, I knew these girls. I w... I went to school with them. It's funny. I used to feel sorry for them. They're simple girls. They just want to find the guy and get married, you know... and live. (magazine pages rustle) I don't know. I think you're earthborn simple or you're born... me. I want to be the person who gets happy over finding the perfect dress. I want to be simple. Because no one holds a gun to the head of a simple girl. 'Stop fixing him! (crying) Owen, help.' (bang) (flashback) CRISTINA: Who is it? OWEN: I... it's me. It's Owen. Hey. CRISTINA: (chain rattles) You're late. OWEN: I'm sorry. Hey. CRISTINA: It's not okay. OWEN: Cristina, what is this? CRISTINA: (voice breaks) I don't want to be alone. OWEN: You don't ever have to be alone again. I'm not going anywhere, Cristina. I won't ever leave again. You hear me? I am not going anywhere, Cristina... If you let me stay. CRISTINA: Thank you. OWEN: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was late. CRISTINA: Thank you. Thank you. (cries) thank you. BEN: Miranda, look, um... Look, um... I... I was playing golf. And I... I can't apologize for it because it wasn't anything I did on purpose. I was just... I was playing golf. I missed you, and I just... MIRANDA: You're... You're a good man. You are handsome... And kind... And smart. I mean, you're perfect. But, um... I'm... Busy. Holding myself together with tape and glue. And a piece of me wishes that you hadn't played golf, because... (voice breaking) then you'd be all taped and glued, too. And maybe you'd be where I am. BEN: Shh. I... MIRANDA: (crying) You're... You're too much for me right now, 'cause I'm busy with the tape and the glue. BEN: (whispering) Shh. Shh. All right, all right. All right. All right. You take care of yourself. MIRANDA: You, too. MEREDITH: You were amazing in there. DEREK: Let's make a baby. MEREDITH: What? DEREK: Mm-hmm. Come on. (clears throat) Let's do it. Let's start right now. Let's just pull the goal view... (pager beeps) Oh, god. It's Greg. Damn it. APRIL: I... I already gave him 10 of morphine. He's in too much pain. I'm gonna start him on propofol. DONNA: (crying) Greg. I never should've let you do this. I never should've let you. DEREK: All right, Greg. It's Dr. Shepherd. You have to listen to me. Greg. Greg. Greg, this is the fight. T... The pain's gonna stop. We're gonna help you. But until it does, this is your fight. The tumor's not driving anymore. You are. You're in the driver's seat. The life that's in your head? You get if you fight. (beeping continues) You got it? Good. Good. Donna look, this... This pain? Yeah. It's not a dying pain. It's a healing pain. This is a victory pain. (Donna's sobs) You won. (monitor beeping rhythmically) We won. DEREK: Hey. (chuckles) (sighs) what? What? I went out to get some ice. Oh, don't be mad. We'll make the wedding. MEREDITH: Mm. I'll make the wedding. Just wanted to see you were alive for myself. DEREK: Meredith. (chuckles) Meredith. (cell door closes) (playing discordant notes) (spoon clatters) ALEX: You ok hot. The whole, uh, "crazy eyes, tight dress" thing, it's, uh, it's working for you, for whatever it's worth. LEXIE: You think that you are so badass 'cause you lived. I'm the reason that you lived. And while you were dying, you were crying out for the wife who left you. So that's the opposite of badass, for whatever it's worth. MARK: I'm jealous. (Callie sighs) I think I'm jealous of Hunt and Yang. Mm. You know Derek's gonna be the best man? We hardly even know the guy. CALLIE: I'm gonna do it. MARK: You're drunk. CALLIE: That's why I'm gonna do it. ARIZONA: Lame surgery ran long. Sorry. What'd I miss? CALLIE: I have something... to ask you. ARIZONA: Oh, no. CALLIE: I want you to move in with me. I love you, and you have a drawer and a toothbrush, and I want you to have a whole dresser and a whole... blow-dryer or something... more romantic than that or... Something. MARK: You're doing great. Push through. CALLIE: (whispers) okay. (normal voice) Unless you're just totally hating the idea, which... would be okay. ARIZONA: Is that it? CALLIE: Is what it? ARIZONA: You just want me to move in to a place that I basically already live? CALLIE: Mm-hmm. ARIZONA: (whispers) thank god. (normal voice) Yes, yes. Calliope, yes. I would love to have a dresser and a blow-dryer or something more romantic. CALLIE: Oh! (laughs) MEREDITH: Oh. How are you doing? You okay? OWEN: Yeah. I'm okay. Uh, Derek? MEREDITH: Uh, I'm sorry. He's not coming. OWEN: Um... He's my best man. MEREDITH: I know. Do you want to pick a new one? Mark looks great in a suit. OWEN: Derek had the ring. MEREDITH: I have it. OWEN: Oh, okay. MEREDITH: Are you still good? OWEN: Yeah. MEREDITH: Okay. OWEN: She is gonna come down those stairs, right? CRISTINA: I never gave you any crap about your post-it. MEREDITH: You look beautiful. CRISTINA: I know. How's Owen? Is he good? MEREDITH: Owen's perfect. He's perfect. CRISTINA: Thank you. MEREDITH (VOIX OFF): When we say things like, "people don't change". It drives scientists crazy... because change is literally the only constant in all of science. OWEN: Thank you. MEREDITH (VOIX OFF): Energy... Matter... It's always changing... Morphing... Merging... Growing... Dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural... The way we cling to what things were instead of letting them be what they are... The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones... The way we insist on believing... despite every scientific indication... that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change... That's up to us. It can feel like death... Or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it... It can feel like pure adrenaline... Like at any moment... We can have another chance at life... Like at any moment... CRISTINA: I do. MEREDITH (VOIX OFF): We can be born all over again.

A trauma counselor, Dr. Perkins, tries to help the hospital staff in the recovery and to assess each doctor's readiness to return to work. This episode includes flashback scenes, to events that happen between the shooting and the present time. Cristina and Owen plan their wedding, (his proposal is in this episode), while Meredith fails to get approved for surgery, as the counselor doubts her moving on. Derek quickly returns to work with adrenaline but worries Meredith when he continuously speeds while driving. This recklessness costs him a seat at Owen and Cristina's wedding at the end of the episode.

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I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Monks running in fear. The dying monk talking to Buffy. MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human... Monks chanting. MONK: ...and sent it to you. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn. Glory smashing through the warehouse. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting. QUENTIN TRAVERS VOICEOVER: Glory isn't a demon, she's a god. GLORY: Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie, and she won't give it back. I bet you know where she put it, don't you? Spike and Dawn in the magic shop. SPIKE: (reading) They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her, in the form of a sister. BEN: You're the key. Go. Before she finds you, she's here! Ben morphing into Glory. Spike talking to Buffy in his underground cavern. SPIKE: I love you. BUFFY: The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious. Buffy kneeling atop Orlando in "Checkpoint." BUFFY: Let's see what you are. Buffy removing Orlando's mask. BUFFY: Or who you are. ORLANDO: One soldier in a vast army. The knights chanting in a circle. KNIGHTS: The key is the link. The link must be severed. Glory talking to a tied-up Orlando. GLORY: Where ... is ... the key? ORLANDO: I'd die a thousand deaths before I'd tell you. Glory putting her fingers into Orlando's brain. Willow running through crowds of people. WILLOW: No! Glory putting her fingers into Tara's brain. WILLOW: Tara! No! Tara sitting on the bench. Willow running over to her. WILLOW: Tara, I'm so sorry. BUFFY: What are you gonna need? WILLOW: They gave me a lot of stuff to keep her calm. Willow kissing Tara on the forehead. Glory breaking down the wall. Dawn and Buffy jumping up. GLORY: I told you this wasn't over. TARA: (gasping, staring at Dawn) Oh, look at that, look at that. Such pure green energy! Glory smiling. Buffy whirls, grabs Dawn by the hand and runs straight through the door into the dorm hallway. They crash to the floor amid broken pieces of door. Glory laughs and starts after them. Willow holds up a hand. Glory suddenly can't move. She makes an angry face. Buffy and Dawn get up, run down the hall. Willow wraps her other arm around Tara, continues holding up her right hand while speaking some Latin. Glory goes flying backward, off the side of the building into some bushes. Willow and Tara get up and run out. Buffy and Dawn run through the lobby of the building. It's full of students walking, sitting, standing, talking, reading, etc. Buffy still has Dawn by the hand. They run to the doors and outside. Glory comes crashing through the wall into the building. People scream and run away. Glory walks forward, looks around, sees the door Buffy and Dawn just exited. Glory turns into a blur as she moves forward at superhuman speed. Buffy and Dawn run across grass. More students are all around, staring as they go by. DAWN: Buffy! BUFFY: We have to keep moving! DAWN: I can't! Dawn falls to the ground. Buffy hauls her back up and scoops Dawn up in her arms, jumps over a bench and continues running. She crosses the lawn, goes across a paved pathway, heading toward the street. Glory, still a super-fast blur, moves across the lawn toward them. Buffy, still carrying Dawn, comes out onto the sidewalk and suddenly Glory is in front of them. Buffy puts Dawn down and they both stare fearfully at Glory. GLORY: I really hate it when people touch my things. Buffy and Dawn just stand there looking scared. GLORY: Last words, slay-runt? BUFFY: Just one. Truck.Glory looks to her right, too late, as a huge semi smashes into her. Buffy and Dawn run off in the other direction. Glory lands on her back on top of a parked car, smashing its roof in. She starts to sit up, then stops with a jerk. GLORY: No! Not now, you idiot! Let go- She morphs into Ben. BEN: -of my body! Ben rolls off the car onto the ground, looks around. He's wearing Glory's dress. BEN: Oh, god. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Wade Andrew Williams, Karim Prince, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Steven S. DeKnight, directed by James A. Contner. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Xander's apartment. Dawn stands in the middle of the room telling the story. DAWN: A-and then whoosh! All of a sudden Glory's standing right there in front of us, (we see Giles standing listening, and Buffy peering out through the closed window blinds) all skanky and blonde and thinkin' she's all that (shot of Xander and Anya sitting, listening) just 'cause some bumpy heads kiss her stinky feet ... (pauses, very quietly) She does have nice feet. (louder) A-and she's comin' right at us, and- (shot of the whole room. Willow and Tara sitting on the sofa) Buffy's just standing there not even blinking, like "Bring it on," and then, wham! (smacks one fist into the other hand) Hell-bitch in orbit. XANDER: Go, Buff! GILES: I knew you'd best Glory eventually, I mean all-all our years of training- BUFFY: (still staring out the window) A truck hit her. GILES: Oh. ANYA: You threw it at her? DAWN: Well, no. She more kind of waited for it to hit Glory. Uh, but then Buffy ran really fast and we got away. (Shot of Willow and Tara on the sofa. Tara still stares blankly at Dawn.) BUFFY: I don't know how we got away. That truck couldn't have slowed her down for more than a second. GILES: Well, how isn't important, all that matters is that the two of you are safe. Buffy scoffs, turns to look at him. BUFFY: Safe? (angrily) We've barely been able to manage not getting seriously dead every time we've crossed paths with Glory. Now that she knows that Dawn is the key? Giles and Dawn look chastised. GILES: There must be something in the Book of Tarnis that we've missed, something we can use against Glory. Buffy turns to look out the window again. ANYA: Piano! XANDER: Because that's what we used to kill that big demon that one time! Buffy turns to look at them with a confused frown. XANDER: No wait, that-that was a rocket launcher. (turns to Anya) Ahn, what are you talking about? ANYA: We should drop a piano on her. Well, it always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice man with the speech impediment. GILES: (rolls his eyes) Yes, or perhaps we could paint a convincing tunnel on the side of a mountain. Let's just keep thinking, everyone. (to Buffy) Perhaps we should reassemble at the magic shop, see if there's anything- BUFFY: We can't fight her. GILES: (surprised) W-well not yet, no, but- BUFFY: No, not ever. She's too strong, Giles. We're not gonna win this with, with stakes, or spells, or pulling out some uranium power core. She's a god and she's coming for us. So let's just not be here when she starts knocking. ANYA: Run away? Buffy looks at her. ANYA: Finally, a sensible plan. XANDER: That's not what she meant. (to Buffy) Is it? BUFFY: Well, we can't stay here! She'll just kill us off one by one until there's no one left standing between her and Dawn. GILES: Buffy, we all understand the severity of the situation, but there must be another way. BUFFY: (harshly) No. We stay, we die. Show of hands for that option. Everyone is silent. BUFFY: All right. Nobody goes home, nobody tells anybody we're leaving. Just pack up whatever supplies we need and that's it, we're gone. DAWN: (quietly) Cool. Don't have to study for that geometry test. XANDER: (quietly) What about wheels? I don't think everybody's gonna fit in the Xandermobile. BUFFY: Just get your stuff together. I'll handle the rest. She turns to look out the window again. Cut to: Glory's apartment. Ben comes down the stairs to the main room, wearing regular clothes, followed by a minion, Gronx. Gronx holds Glory's dress and speaks with a female voice (although she looks just like the others). GRONX: This is, this is terrible. I'll never be able to mend this. BEN: Not really my color anyway. (sits on the arm of a sofa) GRONX: Oh, yes. Inappropriate humor. (fake laugh) Most amusing. Don't suppose you know what led to this sartorial tragedy. BEN: That's not how it works, you know that. GRONX: Yes, of course. I just thought maybe after her magnificent incandescence was returned to this ... manly and ... (looking Ben up and down) painfully handsome assemblage ... you might have noticed something interesting? A key in human form, perhaps? Lounging about unattended? BEN: If I did, do you really think I would tell you? GRONX: Why do you insist on fighting the inevitable? No one can stand against her blindingly scrumptious luminescence. BEN: Glory. Her name is Glory, and she's your god, you little scab, not mine. GRONX: With all due respect and-and fear of sharp objects, you exist, sir, only because of her divine greatness. BEN: You mean her divine failure, don't you? Gronx squints angrily at him. Ben gets up to pace. BEN: I didn't ask for any of this. I just want to be normal. GRONX: We play the hand we're dealt. BEN: Nothing's mine, is it? This life, this body, it's all infected. The only thing I ever cared about she's taken away from me. You know why I wanted to be a doctor? GRONX: Flattering drawstring pants? BEN: To be close to people. To witness their lives and their deaths, to be there alongside them, a part of everyday humanity. (sighs) Maybe it's the drugs. (walks past) GRONX: Drugs, sir? (follows him) BEN: Find the right combination, keep her buried where she belongs. GRONX: Impossible! Her magnificence can never be fully contained! She is a perfect, all-encompassing light, one you should feel honored to be bathed in. BEN: Oh, yeah, I'm thrilled. Especially with the part where she gets her key back and I cease to exist. GRONX: True, this oh-so-appealing form will of necessity be shrugged off. BEN: Not if I get the key first. (turns to leave but Gronx stops him) GRONX: And if you did ... what then? Could you do it? (Ben looks annoyed) Take a human life with your own hands? (comfortingly) Oblivion is such a small inconvenience in the service of a deity. Accept your fate. I mean, you said it yourself. This life was never really yours anyway, was it? BEN: It doesn't matter how I came by it. It's mine. And I plan on keeping it. Cut to: city street, day. Willow and Tara sit on a bench while Giles, Anya, and Xander stand. They all have bags of stuff and are watching the cars go by. ANYA: Anybody else feel that? WILLOW: What? ANYA: Cold draft of paralyzing fear. GILES: We just need to stay calm. WILLOW: (skeptical) Calm, right. XANDER: Hey, we gotta be like Sergeant Rock. Cool and collected in the face of overwhelming odds. ANYA: *Over*whelming? (turns to him) How much more than whelming would that be exactly? GILES: Look, everything will be all right, we just need to stay here calmly. As soon as Buffy arrives- A large Winnebago (RV, motor home) drives up and screeches to a halt in front of them. The windows are all covered with aluminum foil. The door swings open. GILES: -we'll feel oddly worse. They all pick up their stuff and climb into the Winnebago. Cut to inside. Looking from the driver's seat back, on the left there's a small kitchen area with sink; on the right, a booth with a table. Farther back there's a door leading into a back bedroom. Willow and Anya look with interest at the driver's area as they and Tara move to sit around the table. We see Buffy sitting at the table already, studying maps. Giles and Xander enter. Giles looks at the driver's area too, does a double-take. We see Spike sitting in the driver's seat, wearing a large pair of black goggles. GILES: (grimly) What's he doing here? SPIKE: Just out for a jaunt. Thought I'd swing by and say howdy. GILES: Out. BUFFY: (looks up from the table) He's here because we need him. XANDER: The hell we do. BUFFY: If Glory finds us, he's the only one besides me that has any chance of protecting Dawn. XANDER: Buffy, come on- BUFFY: (jumps up angrily) Look, this isn't a discussion! He stays. Get over it. She takes one of the maps and storms into the back room, slamming the door. Dawn watches anxiously. Spike grins hugely. Giles glares at him. SPIKE: Buckle up, kids. Daddy's puttin' the hammer down. Spike puts the RV in gear and begins driving. Everyone clutches the walls and each other for balance. Shot of the RV rolling down the street. The front windshield is completely covered with foil except one small rectangle that has been cut out in front of the driver's seat. Cut to: interior hospital. A nurse hands a clipboard and pen to a guy wearing a baseball cap. NURSE: Sign here. Shot of the paper on the clipboard. The guy signs: first name Dante, last name illegible. We see two other guys standing behind him, also wearing baseball caps. NURSE: Okay, that should do it. Dante nods, turns to the other men. They start to walk off. The taller man is Orlando. He stares blankly ahead of him. DANTE: (to the other man) See. Did I not tell you how easy it would be for us to- NURSE: Hey! The men stop walking as in the background the nurse comes out from behind her counter. Dante and the other man exchange a look. The second man begins to pull a dagger out of his jacket. The nurse comes over to them. NURSE: (pointing at Dante's hand) My pen. Dante hands her the pen with a slight smile. She takes it and goes back to her desk. The other man puts away his dagger as he and Dante lead Orlando away. Cut to a forest. Dante, Orlando, and the other man move carefully down a slight rise. Orlando looks around at the sunny sky and the trees with wonder. ORLANDO: The trees are singing water. Dante ignores him, stops walking, looks around. Rustling noise from some bushes. They look over as a man emerges from the bushes, wearing battle armor. He has the mark of the Knights of Byzantium on his forehead and several long scars running down the side of his face. GREGOR: You have him. DANTE: Yes, General. Dante and the other man remove their baseball caps, revealing the marks on their foreheads. General Gregor comes forward. DANTE: Our brother has returned to the fold. GREGOR: Welcome home, Orlando. (puts his hand on Orlando's shoulder) I swear by my sword your sacrifice ... will not go unavenged. Orlando seems fascinated by the medal or amulet hanging around the general's neck. He reaches out to touch it. ORLANDO: Shiny. GREGOR: Yes, I suppose it is. ORLANDO: Pretty little girl, she's shiny too. GREGOR: (to Dante) Watch him, make sure he's comfortable. ORLANDO: So shiny. Pretty little shiny key. GREGOR: The key? You've seen it? ORLANDO: Pretty ... little shiny girl. Gregor and Dante stare at Orlando. GREGOR: The monks, they've made it human. DANTE: We know the Slayer's protecting the key. If what Orlando says is true... Gregor turns back to the bushes. We see a large number of knights standing in formation. One knight stands closer, guarding. GREGOR: Prepare to advance! KNIGHT: Yes sir. GREGOR: (turns back) We end this now. He stalks off with the knights following. The camera rises so we can see them emerging from the trees. Some are on foot, some on horseback. Hard to tell exactly how many there are, but there are a lot. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the Winnebago driving down residential streets. The hole in the foil is larger than before. It screeches around a corner. Cut to inside. Giles is driving. Dawn, Willow, Tara, Anya, and Xander sit around the table. Spike sits on the floor beside Dawn, looking irritated. Willow is studying a book. ANYA: Shouldn't somebody be asking, "Are we there yet?" Willow looks up from her book briefly, then returns to it. ANYA: (to Xander) Isn't that what small entertaining children do? Xander doesn't reply. He looks ill. DAWN: That kinda only works if you know where you're going. Anya nods, ponders. Xander groans softly. ANYA: (calls to Giles) Do we know where we're going yet? SPIKE: We'd already be somewhere if Captain Slowpoke would give up the wheel. (Giles looks annoyed) Hey! Gramps! Bloody step on it! GILES: Step on what? I've driven tricycles with more power. Everyone looks up as the vehicle jostles and bumps. XANDER: (groans) Is anybody else queasy? ANYA: (rubs his arm sympathetically) He doesn't travel well. He's like fine shrimp. SPIKE: (to Dawn) I shoulda nicked that Porsche I had my eye on. There's just enough room for me, you, and big sis. Xander gives Spike a queasy glare. SPIKE: What? XANDER: Would you give it a rest, or... SPIKE: Or what, you're gonna toss your cookies on my shoes? XANDER: Or you can be undead man walking. See how fast you can hitch a ride with a flaming (gulps) thumb. SPIKE: Fine. (quietly) Shrimp. Xander gags, gets up and stumbles to the front, falls into the passenger seat beside Giles. XANDER: That guy is bloodsuckin' the last nerve right outta me. GILES: Well, Buffy has a point. In a confrontation, Spike may prove... Giles looks back as Spike gets up off the floor and takes the seat Xander just vacated. GILES: ...useful. XANDER: (still queasy) I don't know if Buffy's thinkin' too clear on that one, or anything else right now. (gulps) I've never seen her so... GILES: She's ... been through more than her fair share of late. She just needs a chance to catch her breath, regroup. She'll be all right. XANDER: Yeah. She'll ... (gulps) Yeah. Shot of the RV going down the road. It seems to have left the city and is now on a highway. Cut to back inside. Willow continues studying her book. Dawn peers over her shoulder. DAWN: Any luck? WILLOW: Uh, if you define luck as the absence of success, plenty. (shot of Anya and Spike listening) There's a couple barrier spells, but... (we see Tara next to Willow, staring past her at Dawn) they only work on a fixed locus. Haven't found anything that'll work while we're still moving. TARA: So pretty, can I have one? Tara tries to reach past Willow to touch Dawn. Willow gently pushes Tara's arm back. WILLOW: (to Tara) Come on. (pushes Tara back into her seat) DAWN: Anyone hungry? ANYA: Ooh! Snacks! The secret to any successful migration. Anya reaches into her backpack and pulls out a frying pan, reaches in again. ANYA: Who's up for some tasty fried meat products? She holds up a can of SPAM. No one looks interested. Tara reaches over to the window and opens the blinds. Sunlight streams in, hitting Spike's hand. SPIKE: Hey! Aah! Spike jumps away from the table as Willow pulls Tara back from the window. WILLOW: Tara, no! What did I tell you? Tara whines loudly in protest. Spike cradles his smoking hand. WILLOW: Shh. Tara continues whimpering. Willow pulls Tara's head to her chest to comfort her, looks over at Spike. WILLOW: I'm sorry. She, she didn't mean to. Spike nods understanding. WILLOW: She doesn't know what she's doing. (Tara continues whimpering) DAWN: We know. SPIKE: No biggie. Look, the skin's already stopped smoking. You go ahead and play ... peek-a-boo with Mister Sunshine all you like. It keeps the ride from getting boring. TARA: (upset) All the light is gone. (crying) WILLOW: No, shh, baby. The light's still outside, okay? Dawn watches with concern. Willow continues trying to comfort Tara. TARA: All dark. All dark. Cut to the psych ward at Sunnydale Hospital. All the patients, strapped down in their beds, are also saying "All dark." They repeat this over and over. Then one of them says "Soon" and they all start saying "Soon, soon." Cut to a section of floor with candles set out and symbols written on the floor in red dirt. A pair of hands throw runestones onto the symbols. The camera pulls out and we see we're in Glory's apartment. Gronx and Murk sit on the floor casting the runes. GRONX: It's coming. The signs are in alignment, and soon victory will be in our grasp. (they smile) All we need do is seize the moment ... and squeeze until it bleeds. They both smile happily. Cut to the RV driving through the desert on what looks like a dirt road. Mountains in the background. Cut to inside. Buffy sits in the back room, leaning against the wall. The door opens and Dawn peeks in. DAWN: Hey. I think Anya's gonna try to cook. Wanna come watch the tears and recriminations? BUFFY: (small smile) Maybe later. Dawn starts to retreat, pauses, leans back in and gathers her nerve. DAWN: Thanks. BUFFY: (looks up) For what? DAWN: You know. Pretty much everything. BUFFY: (sarcastic) Yeah. I'm doin' a great job. DAWN: (firmly) You are. BUFFY: (scoffs) I'm the Slayer. The chosen one. All mythic and defender-y. Evil nasties are supposed to flee from me. Not the other way around. DAWN: You're not fleeing. You're ... moving at a brisk pace. BUFFY: Quaintly referred to in some cultures as the big scaredy runaway. Dawn comes fully inside, closes the door and walks over to sit beside Buffy. DAWN: It's the most amazing thing anyone's ever done for me. Buffy looks over at her with a pained expression, then away. BUFFY: (voice breaking) It just keeps coming. Glory ... Riley ... Tara ... Mom. DAWN: (pause) I know. But there's a bright side. BUFFY: There is? DAWN: At least things can't get any crazier. Right? Suddenly they both jump as an arrow shoots through the window and lands in the wall a little ways from Buffy's head. Dawn stares at it in horror. Buffy gives her an almost amused look. BUFFY: You know this is your fault for saying that. Dawn doesn't seem to see the humor. Buffy pulls down a corner of the Venetian blinds to peek outside. KNIGHT: Come on now! We see a bunch of knights riding horses up alongside the Winnebago, swinging their weapons. KNIGHT: Bring up the rear! Let's go! Buffy and Dawn stare for a moment, then Buffy turns away from the window and sighs. The RV drives on. The knights are about a hundred feet back but closing fast. Buffy and Dawn rush into the main cabin. BUFFY: Giles! GILES: I see them. SPIKE: See who? Shot of the side mirror with the knights reflected in it. Several knights ride up alongside the RV on either side. One has a crossbow and shoots another arrow into the side. Spike jumps aside as the arrow appears in the wall beside him. XANDER: Arrows! SPIKE: Bloody hell! XANDER: They're throwing arrows! Tara peeks out the window. The knights continue to ride up alongside the vehicle. They shoot more arrows. BUFFY: Dawn, get down under the table. Buffy pushes Dawn to the floor. Anya also ducks under the table. TARA: (peeking out) Horsies! The knights shoot more arrows. Willow pulls Tara away just as an arrow appears in the wall beside her. WILLOW: Tara! Willow and Tara duck under the table. Arrows appear in the wall beside Giles. GILES: Weapons? Buffy tosses a bag to Spike. SPIKE: Hello! You're driving one! WILLOW: Don't hit the horsies! BUFFY: Oh, we won't! Buffy moves up next to Giles. BUFFY: Aim for the horsies. Shot of the horsemen reflected in Giles' mirror. Giles turns the wheel trying to hit them, but the horses move out of the way. Giles swings the wheel again to get back on the road. Shot of Spike looking grim. Long shot of the RV being pursued by the horsemen. Cut closer as one of the men rides up alongside the back of the RV, grabs onto the ladder on its side and climbs on, letting his horse gallop away. He climbs up onto the roof. Cut inside. Xander sits by the table. XANDER: Did we shake 'em? The knight's sword stabs through the ceiling inches from Xander's head, making him jump. Giles and Buffy look up. Shot of the knight pulling his sword free. Buffy moves back toward the rear. Spike continues looking in the bag of weapons. The knight stabs down again. BUFFY: Stay low! The knight stabs again. BUFFY: Watch out for the- The sword point comes in directly at Buffy's head. Spike reaches up with both hands and grabs the sword, stops it from stabbing Buffy in the head. She ducks. The knight tries to pull his sword free but can't. Spike continues holding onto it with both hands. SPIKE: Now might be a good time for something heroic. The knight continues trying to free his sword. Buffy looks around. BUFFY: Xander! Hatch! Buffy climbs up on the table and opens the hatch in the roof. Xander boosts her up and through it. She emerges behind the knight. We see the other horsemen still riding alongside. The knight sees Buffy, pulls his sword free. We hear Spike yelling in pain. The knight thrusts at Buffy. She ducks, backs away from his second swing, wheels and kicks his legs out from under him. He goes down and Buffy gets on top of him, blocks another swing, punches him. He drops the sword. Cut to inside. Spike sits at the table beside Dawn. His hands are bloody and he has some rags. He tries to use his teeth to rip them up. Cut to above. Buffy punches the knight in the face a few times, then he blocks and punches her. They grapple, he kicks her in the head and she falls over the side, holding onto the railing along the top of the RV. She hangs there as a knight rides alongside holding a mace. Cut to inside. Spike holds his bloody hands on the table as Dawn rips up the rags. Tara and Willow emerge from under the table. Giles continues driving. They all look up as we hear the sounds of fighting on the roof. Cut to outside. The knight crouches above Buffy to hit her, but she kicks upward and he falls back. Buffy vaults back up onto the roof. They both stand and face off. Another knight rides alongside and throws a grappling hook onto the railing. He begins climbing up the side. Buffy punches the first knight, whirls around and kicks him. He falls off the side with a scream. The second knight reaches the roof as another grappling hook catches on the railing. Cut to inside. Dawn ties the rags around Spike's hands. DAWN: Keep the pressure on. SPIKE: I always do, sweet bit. A knight busts through the window and they both shriek and jump aside. The knight tries to grab Dawn. Spike yells in pain from the sunlight. Giles looks back. Shot from outside of the side of the van with the knight hanging on it, his upper half inside the window. Sounds of Spike and Dawn and the knight yelling. Cut back inside. Tara and Willow cower as Anya appears and begins hitting the knight in the head with her frying pan. He loses his grip and falls to the ground below. ANYA: Not a piano, but hey. Giles glances back, continues driving. Cut to the roof. Two soldiers now face Buffy, one with an axe, the other with a mace. She punches the one with the axe, kicks the other one, kicks the first one, ducks to take a mace blow on her back, punches the mace-wielder, does a back-flip and kicks them both in the faces. Cut to inside. Willow and Anya sit on either side of Tara trying to comfort her as she looks anxious. Cut to above. Buffy picks up the first knight's sword from where he dropped it, twirls it around. The mace chain wraps around the sword blade and she uses it to pull the knight closer. Behind him the knight with the axe tries to attack but Buffy kicks him away. She spins the mace-holder around, knees him in the stomach and throws him off the side of the RV, taking the mace and the sword with him. Buffy ducks an axe swing, kicks the knight in the chest, grabs his axe hand and hits him with her other hand. He gets hold of her from behind as another knight climbs up the ladder. Buffy hits the axe hand. The knight yells and lets go of the axe, which Buffy grabs. She swings it at him and he ducks, then she kicks him and he falls over the side. Buffy throws the axe and it slams into the chest of the knight on the ladder. He screams and falls backward off the RV. Cut to inside. It seems quiet. Spike is on the floor with Dawn crouching over him, Willow and Anya and Tara on the other side of the table, all listening. Giles peers out at his mirror. Shot of the back end of the RV with the road retreating away, clear of all knights. Giles lets out a sigh of relief. Xander does the same although he still looks queasy. Giles glances back. GILES: Everyone all right? Everyone seems to be all right. Giles smiles slightly as he turns back to the road. Only to see another knight on horseback coming straight at him, holding a spear. Giles looks horrified and tries to twist the wheel. The knight throws the spear. It flies through the window and into Giles' side, impaling him. He gasps and is thrown forward onto the steering wheel. Everyone shrieks and gasps as the RV jostles, out of control. Shot of Buffy still on the roof, struggling to keep her balance. She leaps off the roof, lands on the ground and rolls. She sits up in time to see the RV go careening off the road, fall over onto its side, and come to a stop in a huge cloud of dust. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the Winnebago still lying on its side with dust drifting slowly around it. It's on a dirt road in the desert, just a few trees and telephone poles on either side. In the background we can see the gang walking along. Spike has a blanket covering his head. Buffy and Xander support Giles with his arms over their shoulders. XANDER VOICEOVER: We gotta find shelter. SPIKE VOICEOVER: Yeah, right bloody quick. I'm burning up out here. Cut to: overhead shot of an abandoned gas station with a rusting old truck in front of it. The gang walks up to the building. Cut to the entrance. Spike goes first, kicking the door open and hurrying inside. The others follow. BUFFY: Careful. Dawn coughs from the dust, watches with concern as the others bring Giles in. Anya closes the door behind them. Inside, it looks like an empty room with little or no furniture. The windows are boarded up but incompletely, so stripes of light enter the room. There's a long sort of counter halfway in. BUFFY: Spike. Spike and Xander help Buffy bring Giles over to the counter. Giles groans in pain. The lower left side of his stomach is covered in blood. XANDER: Careful. Up. BUFFY: Okay, Will? WILLOW: I'm on it. Giles groans more as Xander and Spike lift him onto the counter. Spike also groans in pain from his wounded hands. WILLOW: Oh, careful! Spike finishes helping Giles onto the counter and hurries out of the sunlight. Willow and Tara come up next to Giles. Willow puts a bag under Giles's head. He is sweaty and panting. Buffy goes over to Dawn. BUFFY: Are you sure you're okay? DAWN: Yeah. B-but Spike's hurt. Buffy turns to Spike, grabs his wrist to look at his injured hands. SPIKE: Ow! Easy with the delicates. BUFFY: (to Dawn) They'll heal. Xander and Anya exchange a look as they put down their stuff. SPIKE: Florence bloody Nightingale to the rescue. Buffy goes to the window and looks through the boards. Shot of the view outside: no one in sight. ANYA: Um, you have another plan, right? (Buffy turns from the window to look at her) One that doesn't involve pointy knives and a Winnebago? BUFFY: We-we-we'll rest here for a minute, but then we have to keep moving. XANDER: Where? BUFFY: (desperately) I don't know! (puts her hands to her face) We just, we, we, we can't, can't stay here. I-it's too close to the wreck, we're too easy to find. WILLOW: Buffy! Buffy runs over to where Willow is standing over Giles. BUFFY: Will, how is he? Willow has her hands on Giles's wound. Shot of Giles's face, still sweaty with blood coming out of his mouth. BUFFY: Will? WILLOW: I-I think I slowed the bleeding, but... Giles continues breathing shallowly, his eyes closed. BUFFY: Okay. Okay, just-just give me a minute. Buffy turns away trying to think. Suddenly a flaming arrow shoots through a boarded-up window and embeds in the wall opposite. Everyone turns. BUFFY: Dawn, get down! Another fiery arrow breaks through some glass that's left in a window. Xander pulls the first arrow out of the window and stomps out the fire on the ground. Buffy pushes Dawn behind the counter. Dawn sits on the floor, protected on three sides. More fiery arrows come shooting through the windows. Willow pushes a whimpering Tara down to a crouch. Xander peeks out the hole made by one arrow. Shot of the outside. A bunch of knights are setting up, mostly hiding behind the abandoned truck and gas pumps with their bows and arrows. There are a few garbage barrels with fires lit in them. XANDER: (OS) We got company. More arrows shoot through the windows. Xander turns back inside. XANDER: And they brought a crusade. Cut to outside. The knights continue firing their arrows. The general rides up on horseback. Cut to inside. Everyone's crouching down. Buffy runs toward the wall. BUFFY: Willow! We see Willow crouching beside the counter, with one hand stretched up to keep pressure on Giles's wound while her other hand is flipping the pages of a magic book. Tara huddles next to her whimpering and covering her head. WILLOW: I'm working on it! Buffy and Spike together shove a large coffee machine in front of the door and tip it over on its side. Cut to outside. The general sits on his horse watching the action. KNIGHTS: Go! Go! Go! Let's move! Come on, move it! We see multiple knights attacking the boarded-up windows of the building with various weapons, trying to break in. Cut to inside. A knight's axe breaks through the wall right next to Dawn's head. She screams. The knight continues hacking and then reaches an arm in. Dawn screams again. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy runs over to help, but a knight comes through the door beside the counter. He punches Buffy and she falls aside. Xander and Anya hide behind something (looks like an old heater). Spike lunges at the knight, punches him, then screams in pain and clutches his head. The knight lifts his weapon to strike Spike but Buffy intervenes, kicks him and then punches him. He punches her back. The boards on the windows rattle as more knights pound on them and the glass shatters. Spike covers his head as glass falls on him. Buffy kicks the knight again and he stumbles back, turns and thrusts his weapon at her but she blocks it, kicks him, then twists around and flips him over her shoulder. He falls unconscious on the floor. Xander runs out from his hiding place and grabs the unconscious knight, begins dragging him away. The other knights continue beating on the walls and windows, knocking out the glass with their weapons. KNIGHT: It's clear! (?) Dawn stands up cautiously from behind the counter and is confronted by the bleeding Giles. She looks at his wound in dismay. The general enters. Buffy turns to look at him. He points his sword. GREGOR: The key. Dawn looks frightened. Buffy picks up the knight's weapon from the ground and throws it at Gregor, hitting him in the hand, making him drop his sword. He lunges at Buffy and she hits him, making him reel aside into a pillar. He hits it face-first and falls down unconscious. WILLOW: Enemies, fly and fall. We see Willow sitting on the floor beside the counter, with her legs crossed holding the book. Her eyes are all black again as they were in "Tough Love." WILLOW: Circling arms, raise a wall. She raises her arms and a circle of light emits from them, expanding outward. Cut to outside. The sphere comes through the walls and all the knights are forced backward, flying through the air. They land several feet away from the building as the bubble holds. Dante hits the barrier with his sword. It shimmers but he can't get through. DANTE: (angry growl) They have the general. Clerics! Two elderly men in long black robes come forward. They walk up to the barrier and hold up their hands to it. One begins to chant while the other turns back to Dante. CLERIC: Energy barrier. A most powerful one. DANTE: Can it be breached? CLERIC: The witch's magic pales to the might of our god. The infidels' wall ... shall tumble before us. Cut to inside. Willow and Tara get to their feet as Buffy comes to check Giles's wound. BUFFY: Will? How long will it hold? WILLOW: (uncertain) Half a day maybe. Buffy and Dawn watch as Willow goes to the window and peeks out. Shot of the view through the window. We can see the two clerics chanting while the knights wait behind them. WILLOW: Or till Heckle and Jeckle punch a hole through it. Buffy and Dawn look nervous. Spike walks forward, looking down at the ground. SPIKE: So. What's the story with these role-playing rejects? Shot of Gregor lying unconscious on the floor. BUFFY: (OS) Let's find out. Cut to Gregor tied to a pillar in a rear room of the building. Buffy stands in front of him with her arms folded. Shot of Dawn by the door watching. Shot of Spike off to the side. SPIKE: You sure Scarface here can habla the English? BUFFY: He understands me. (to Gregor) Don't you? GREGOR: You were warned we would return, Slayer. BUFFY: Took you long enough. What are you supposed to be, some kind of chief? GREGOR: (sneers) General. BUFFY: General. (takes a step forward) In charge of what, getting captured? GREGOR: You do not frighten me, child. (looks at Dawn) The instrument of chaos must be destroyed. Buffy steps forward to him and puts her hands firmly on either side of his face. BUFFY: (angrily) Look at her that way again, and she will be the last thing you ever see. She lets go and steps back. GREGOR: As I've been told, you protect the key of the beast. Shot of Xander watching. BUFFY: It's not that simple. GREGOR: Yes. The key has been transformed, given ... breath, life. Yet, this makes no difference. The key is the link. The link must be severed. (Shot of Dawn looking scared) Such is the will of god. BUFFY: (upset) She doesn't remember anything about being this key you're all looking for. The only thing that she remembers is growing up with a mother, and a sister that love her. What kind of god would demand her life for something that she has no control over? Shot of Gregor looking unmoved. BUFFY: We are not your enemy. (Shot of Spike watching) Tell your men to stand down. GREGOR: (looks at Dawn) No. BUFFY: It is not her fault! She's human now! (Shot of Dawn) GREGOR: The key is too dangerous ... to be allowed to exist. No matter what form it has been pressed into. BUFFY: I will not let anyone tell me- Buffy breaks off as we hear a wailing from the next room and Willow saying "Shh, shh." Xander turns to look through the door. Buffy, Dawn, Spike, and Xander go into the other room where Anya is watching helplessly as Willow tries to calm Tara. WILLOW: Shh, shh, shh. BUFFY: What happened? ANYA: I-I don't know, she just went nuts. Tara whimpers frantically and struggles to get free from Willow who is holding her still. Tara finally breaks free. TARA: Time! Time, time! She runs over to the boarded-up windows and claws at them. Willow runs after her and tries to pull her away. Tara breaks free and runs to another part of the wall, whimpering in agitation. The others watch helplessly. Willow grabs Tara around the torso, pinning her arms to her sides as Tara continues whimpering. WILLOW: Tara! (to Buffy) We have to do something! (shot of Dawn and Spike watching with concern) She, she can't stay this way. Buffy! TARA: Time... time... time... Cut to the hospital psych ward. All the patients are muttering "Time, time" as well, and struggling against their bonds. One of them is the man who accosted Dawn on the street in "The Real Me." PATIENTS: Time. Time. The nurse comes in. NURSE: No, it's not time for your meds, just lie back- The guy from "The Real Me" rips free of his restraints and the nurse rushes over to try to force him back into bed. NURSE: (yelling over her shoulder) Doctor! Doctor McCarthy! Another patient hits her over the head and she falls down unconscious. The other patients begin to break free and get up out of bed. They all walk off toward the door, muttering "Time" over and over again. Cut to outside the gas station. Orlando is among the knights in the encampment. He walks forward, staring at the building. ORLANDO: It's time. It's time. DANTE: No, no, shh. There's nothing to fear, my brother. Orlando looks unhappy. Behind Dante we can see the clerics still standing by the barrier chanting. DANTE: The beast may have taken your mind, but I swear to you, she will never know the taste of your heart. Dante pulls Orlando sharply toward him. Orlando groans and grabs Dante's shoulders but then slumps to the ground. Dante looks sadly down at him. We see a bloody dagger in his hand. DANTE: Clerics! (The clerics turn) I want the witch's barrier down. NOW! The clerics exchange a look, return to their chanting. Cut to: closeup of Buffy's face. BUFFY: I'm sorry. We see she's standing beside Giles, holding his hand with both of hers. Giles is conscious. GILES: For what? BUFFY: We should have stayed. If we had, none of this would have happened. GILES: Don't. (painfully) What you did ... w-was necessary ... what I've always admired. BUFFY: (small smile) Running away? GILES: Being able to place ... your heart ... above all else. He breathes shakily while Buffy watches with concern. GILES: I'm so proud of you. You've come so far. You're everything a Watcher ... everything I could have hoped for. Buffy has tears in her eyes. She sniffles. Giles makes a pained face, closes his eyes. Buffy looks anxiously at their entwined hands, then at Giles's stomach. He continues breathing shallowly, seems to have fallen asleep. Buffy gently removes his hand from hers. In the background we see Willow standing over a sleeping or resting Tara, stroking her hair. Buffy turns away from Giles with a resolute expression. BUFFY: Willow. Willow looks up at her. BUFFY: Open a door. Willow looks uncertainly from Buffy to the wall and back. Cut to outside. A hole appears in the barrier as Buffy comes out of the building followed by Xander. Dante and a few other knights come forward. They stop at the edge of the barrier and Dante holds up a hand to stop the knights. DANTE: Speak. BUFFY: One of my friends was hurt when you attacked us. DANTE: And ten of my men are dead. Honorable men. (draws his sword) Shall we balance the scale? BUFFY: Will you let someone come and help him or not? DANTE: Give quarter to an agent of the beast? What madness would move me to such action? BUFFY: I'm done asking. Buffy starts forward but Xander intervenes, stopping her, as the knights were preparing for Buffy's attack. XANDER: Whoa, whoa, hey! Uh ... this is war, isn't it? And if there's one thing I've learned from Sergeant Rock, it is in war ... there are rules. Dante looks stern. XANDER: Or at least there should be, if you're as honorable as you think you are. (Buffy looks to see if Dante is convinced) Plus, we do have your general forehead guy. Dante considers this. Cut to: Willow, Spike, and Buffy standing beside a pay phone in the building. The phone is dark. WILLOW: Discharge and bring life. The pay phone sizzles and suddenly lights up. Buffy picks up the receiver, turns and nods to Willow, who looks relieved. Buffy begins to dial. SPIKE: (to Willow) Handier than a Swiss knife. Look, the door to my crypt's got this nasty squeak, maybe you could... Willow rolls her eyes, turns and walks away. Pan to Buffy on the phone. BUFFY: Hey, uh, i-it's Buffy. I need to ask you a really big favor. Cut to: exterior shot, night. A car drives up to the gas station where the army of knights stands around watching. Ben is at the wheel. He stops the car and looks fearfully out the window at the knights, who all hold weapons and glare at him. Ben takes a deep breath, picks up his black bag from the seat, and gets out of the car. Cut to inside. Ben stands next to Giles tending to his wound, wearing surgical gloves. Buffy stands beside him with the others in the background. BEN: You, uh, forgot to mention the costume party outside. BUFFY: Sorry. (shot of Willow sitting over a sleeping Tara) I-I didn't know who else to call. BEN: No, it's okay. I mean, yeah, not ... how I pictured seeing you again, but, uh ... I'll take what I can get. Shot of Spike looking annoyed, rolling his eyes. BUFFY: Thank you ... for coming. BEN: My pleasure. Ben looks past Buffy. Shot of Dawn standing a few feet away, with Xander in the background. Ben continues looking at Dawn. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Giles's face, asleep or unconscious. Ben's hands enter the shot and put the discarded surgical gloves down next to Giles. Pan down to Giles's stomach. The bloody sweater is pulled up revealing a bandage wrapped around his abdomen. Cut to a longer shot as Ben pulls a blanket up over Giles's stomach and packs away his stethoscope while Buffy stands watching. BEN: All right, I think I got him stabilized, but there's a lot of damage. We need to get him out of here. BUFFY: Well, I think the guys with the pointy swords kinda have other ideas. BEN: Don't they always. Shot of Spike in the background making a disgusted face, mimicking Ben silently, then turning away. BUFFY: Look, I know this must seem extra "Outer Limits" to you. BEN: This? Naah. I've seen things you wouldn't believe. Shot of Dawn watching with Xander in the background. BEN: (OS) You know, emergency room, full moon on a Saturday night. Xander goes into the other room and pulls the door shut behind him. Cut back to Buffy and Ben. BUFFY: Look, if this gets too weird, just tell me. I'll understand. BEN: Don't worry about me. I won't leave until I've worn out my welcome. He smiles. Buffy smiles back, then looks with concern at Giles. Shot of Giles breathing shallowly and unevenly. Pan down to his blanket-covered stomach. Shot of Giles's hand lying beside his body. Buffy's hand enters the shot and takes hold of Giles's. Cut to Spike's bloody, bandaged hands as he tries to light a cigarette. He fumbles with the lighter. We see that we're in the back room. It's dark. Xander stands watching the tied-up general as the sound of Spike trying to light his lighter continues. SPIKE: (whispering) Ow. Spike shakes his hand in pain and annoyance. Xander walks over. Spike gives him a wary look. Xander takes the lighter. Spike sighs. SPIKE: Thanks. Xander flicks the lighter on and holds it up to Spike's cigarette, lighting it. Then Xander closes the lighter, puts it in his pocket as Spike takes a drag. XANDER: You know, those things'll kill you. Spike gives him a look. XANDER: Oh. Right. They stand side by side, leaning against the wall, as Spike smokes. XANDER: I mention today how much I don't like you? SPIKE: (nods) You mighta let it slip in ... (looks at Xander) once or twice. Xander smiles slightly, looks down at Spike's hands. XANDER: How're your feelers? SPIKE: (sighs, looks around) Nothing compared to the little bits we're gonna get chopped into when the Renaissance Faire kicks the door in. (points to the door; they both look over at it) And here we bloody sit. XANDER: It's not like we got much of a choice. SPIKE: (gestures impatiently) Could make a break for it! Use General Armor-All as a shield (shot of the general) get to the doc's car, and- XANDER: Great plan. And while all the hacking and slashing's going on, what are you gonna be doing, huh? Throwing migraines at 'em? SPIKE: Look, we stay here, we all die! At least this way, some of us might get- BUFFY: (OS) No. The guys turn to see Buffy standing in the doorway. BUFFY: We're all gonna make it. I'm not losing anyone. Spike sighs and shakes his head but says nothing. BUFFY: Check the supplies. See if anyone's hungry. Xander looks at Spike, then they both walk out. Focus on Buffy as they walk past her. She stares at the floor looking pensive. Gregor chuckles and Buffy closes her eyes briefly, then looks angrily at him. GREGOR: Dissention in the ranks. Seldom a harbinger of glad tidings. Buffy scowls, walks over to him and backhands him across the face. BUFFY: Shut up. Gregor turns his head and spits blood. Buffy turns her back to him. GREGOR: Poor frightened girl. (she turns back) You've no idea what you've gotten yourself into. BUFFY: (crosses arms over her chest) Why don't you tell me? GREGOR: Would it make a difference? Pause. GREGOR: What do you know of the beast? BUFFY: Strong. Fast. Hellgod. GREGOR: From a dimension of unspeakable torment. BUFFY: A demon dimension. I know. She ruled with two other hellgods, right? GREGOR: Along with the beast they were a triumvirate of suffering and despair. Ruling with equal vengeance. But the beast's power grew beyond even what they could conceive. As did her lust for pain and misery. They looked upon her, what she had become ... and trembled. BUFFY: (nervously) A god afraid? GREGOR: Such was her power. They feared she would attempt to seize their dimension for herself, and decided to strike first. A great battle erupted. In the end, they stood victorious over the beast ... barely. She was cast out. Banished to this lower plane of existence, forced to live and eventually die trapped within the body of a mortal ... a newborn male, created as her prison. That is the beast's ... only weakness. BUFFY: Kill the man ... and the god dies. GREGOR: Unfortunately, the identity of the human vessel has never been discovered. BUFFY: (puzzled) I don't understand. Now, I've seen Glory. Not a whole lot going on in the hairy chest department. GREGOR: You have seen a glimpse of the true beast. Her power was too great to be completely contained. She's found a way to escape her mortal prison ... for brief periods, before her energies are exhausted and she's forced back ... into her living cell of meat and bone. DAWN: (OS) What about me? Buffy turns to see Dawn standing in the doorway. DAWN: What about the key? BUFFY: Dawn. DAWN: I want to know. GREGOR: The key ... is almost as old as the beast itself. Where it came from, how it was created ... the deepest of mysteries. All that is certain is that its power is absolute. Countless generations of my people have sacrificed their lives in search of it, to destroy it before its wrath could be unleashed. DAWN: But the monks found it first. GREGOR: Yes, and hid it with their magicks. BUFFY: Why didn't they just destroy it? If the key is as dangerous as- GREGOR: Because they were fools. They thought they could harness its power for the forces of light. They failed, and paid with their blood. DAWN: What do I do? What was I created for? GREGOR: You were created ... to open the gates that separate dimensions. The beast will use your power ... to return home and seize control of the hell she was banished from. Buffy laughs. The general looks at her in surprise. BUFFY: That's it? That's Glory's master plan ... to go home? GREGOR: You misunderstand. Once the key is activated, it won't just open the gates to the beast's dimension. It's going to open all the gates. The walls separating realities will crumble. (shot of Buffy no longer smiling. Shot of Dawn) Dimensions will bleed into each other. Order will be overthrown and the universe will tumble into chaos ... all dark ... forever. Buffy looks dismayed. GREGOR: (staring at Dawn) That ... is what you were created for. Dawn stares at him, then looks down. Cut to: Buffy emerging from the back room into another room. BUFFY: Dawn. We see Dawn sitting on a table nearby. She has her back to Buffy. DAWN: (not turning) You think it's true ... what he said? Buffy walks forward with a sigh, sits next to Dawn. They look at each other. BUFFY: I don't know. DAWN: Destroyer of the universe. (pause) I guess cutting school doesn't seem so bad now, huh? BUFFY: It's not you. You know that. DAWN: But it's in me ... isn't it? It's inside me. They look at each other for a moment, then Dawn looks away. DAWN: What are we gonna do? Buffy frowns slightly, then puts her arms around Dawn's shoulders and pulls Dawn close, resting Dawn's head on her cheek. BUFFY: I won't let anything happen to you. I promise. They sit there quietly. Buffy sighs. Cut to the back room. Willow is trying to feed Tara while Gregor, still tied up, watches. TARA: (upset) Wriggling! WILLOW: Come on, Tara, you have to eat something. Tara turns her head aside and whimpers. Anya walks up. ANYA: Want me to try? WILLOW: I don't know. I'm gettin' used to pickin' fruit out of my hair. Pan over to the general. Nearby we see Ben standing over a small sink doing something with gauze. GREGOR: (whispers) You! Ben stops what he's doing but doesn't look at Gregor. GREGOR: You are not a part of this, are you? BEN: (still not looking at him) Just a friend of the family. GREGOR: Would you die for them? Ben turns to look at him. GREGOR: Because that is what your future holds if you align yourself with the Slayer and her misguided people. BEN: (walks a little closer, angrily) It's my life, and I'll do what I please with it. GREGOR: It's not just your life. Unimaginable legions will perish, including everyone here. (whispers) You can stop this. You can save all their lives by ending one. The little girl. The key. Destroy it, and the will of the beast will be broken, she will fade, a distant memory ... (shot of Ben listening, looking uncertain) and all of this madness will end. Ben just glares at him. Cut to Dawn standing over Giles, watching him as he continues to sleep, breathing raggedly. Ben walks up and Dawn gasps in surprise. BEN: Sorry. Ben puts his hand on Giles's wrist and takes his pulse. DAWN: Is ... is he gonna be okay? (shot of Xander watching) BEN: He was hurt pretty bad, Dawn. (releases Giles's wrist) DAWN: It's because of me. It's all my fault. BEN: No it isn't. Ben goes past Dawn to get his bag. DAWN: You don't know what's happening. BEN: I don't have to. (takes a syringe from the bag, begins filling it) I just know that sometimes terrible things happen to good people. It shouldn't, but ... it does. He pulls down the plunger, filling the syringe with liquid. Dawn continues watching Giles. Ben flicks the needle to make sure it's flowing. BEN: It's nobody's fault. He turns back, holding the needle up. Shot of Dawn with her back to Ben. Ben moves slowly closer to her. BEN: It's just the way life is. He walks past Dawn and puts the needle to Giles's arm. Dawn sees it and gasps. Shot of the needle injecting into Giles. Dawn frowns in distaste. DAWN: Is that gonna help? Ben doesn't answer. He turns away. DAWN: Ben? The syringe falls to the ground. Ben has his back to Dawn, puts a hand shakily to his forehead. Dawn stares at him looking very scared. Cut to Ben running into the main room. BEN: You have to let me out. Dawn follows him in. The others begin to gather. DAWN: Ben? BEN: You don't understand, I gotta get out, open a door now! Buffy and Spike run up next to Dawn. BUFFY: What happened? DAWN: I-I don't know, he just freaked out. BEN: (frantically) Let me out! BUFFY: Okay, W-Will, open a door. Willow turns away from Tara to see what's going on. BEN: No! Ha! Ben puts his hands to his head and suddenly morphs into Glory, who turns the movement into a stretch. She slowly brings her arms down and looks around. Buffy and Dawn stare in horror. Buffy pushes Dawn behind her. Glory looks around in surprise. Shot of Willow looking scared, reaching for Tara. Glory begins to smile. Shot of Xander and Anya watching. GLORY: Well, what do you know. Little Ben finally did something right. GREGOR: The beast. GLORY: Hey, it's Gregor. She grabs a hubcap that's hanging nearby and throws it like a Frisbee. It flies into the general's chest. Everyone stares. Gregor falls forward against his bonds, dead. GLORY: Now it's not. Spike rushes at Glory with a yell, Xander right behind him. Glory hits Spike and he crashes backward into Xander. They both fall against the wall. Tara looks upset as Willow lowers her head and closes her eyes. Buffy rushes at Glory as the guys try to get up. Glory hits Buffy and she crashes into Willow, both of them hitting the wall and then falling to the floor. Glory turns to look at Dawn, gives a little laugh. Dawn looks frightened. Glory runs forward and grabs Dawn. Anya grabs Dawn from the other side but Glory pulls her free and begins running out. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy painfully tries to get up as Glory, dragging Dawn by the hand, crashes out the door. Cut to outside. Glory and Dawn burst out, run forward and into the barrier, which stops them. We can hear the knights shouting. GLORY: Yeah, right! Glory swings her free arm at the barrier and breaks a hole in it. She runs through it, pulling Dawn with her. We hear the knights yelling battle cries. The hole begins to close as Buffy emerges from the building. She runs into the barrier just as it finishes closing. She can't get past it. BUFFY: Dawn! Sound of knights yelling and swords clashing. Buffy turns and runs back inside, moving with a slight limp. Cut to inside. Buffy enters. BUFFY: Willow! Willow lifts her head. Her eyes are black again. BUFFY: Get it down, now! WILLOW: Hear, hear my plea. Buffy runs back out again. WILLOW: Circling arm protecting me. Cut to outside. Buffy comes running out as the barrier disappears. Buffy limps forward and looks around. All the knights are lying dead on the ground. Buffy walks forward slowly, looking around at the corpses in horror. Spike, Xander, Willow, Tara, and Anya burst out, slow down when they see the scene. WILLOW: We have to- (stops) Buffy walks slowly forward, looking around. Pan across the men lying dead. We see Dante among them, still alive. DANTE: The beast. Spike and Xander staring around. Tara whimpers and hides her face in Willow's shoulder. SPIKE: (points) The car. Get the keys. Spike and Xander run off. Buffy continues staring. Willow, Tara, and Anya start forward. WILLOW: Buffy! Buffy, we have to find Dawn. We, we can't let Glory- Buffy abruptly sits down on the ground. WILLOW: Buffy? Buffy! Tears run down Buffy's face. Willow and Tara walk over to her. WILLOW: Buffy, you have to get up! We need you! Buffy just sits, the tears flowing, staring in front of her. WILLOW: (OS) Buffy, please! (echoing) Buffy... Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon.

Glory discovers the real Key, and Buffy and company must flee from her, and the Knights of Byzantium who are trying to destroy the Key. The gang race from Sunnydale in a caravan .

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_24x06

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_24x06_0

PARADISE TOWERS PART TWO Run time: 24:39 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. EXT. PARADISE TOWERS [SCENE_BREAK] (An exterior view of the Towers, high up in the sky. The glass walls and windows of the Towers reflect the fluffy white clouds hanging in the sky.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. THE CARETAKER HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The caretakers enter pulling the Doctor along with them. The Chief is at his desk and rises to meet them.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Chief! CHIEF CARETAKER: Later, Deputy. Release him. Greetings. I am the Chief Caretaker. THE DOCTOR: How d'you do. I am... CHIEF CARETAKER: No need to tell me. I know who you are. We have been waiting for this momentous visit for so many years. You are the man who brought Paradise Towers to life. The visionary who dreamed up its pools and lift and squares. And now you have returned to your creation. You will make all those dilapidated lifts rise and fall as they've never done before. All signs of wallscrawl will disappear from the corridors of Paradise Towers. The floor will gleam, the windows will shine and all will be made as new. Fellow Caretakers, d'you know who this is. This is the Great Architect returned to Paradise Towers. Bid him welcome. All Hail the Great Architect, all hail. CARETAKERS: All hail the great architect. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: What shall we do with him now then, Chief' CHIEF CARETAKER: Kill him. (The Chief moves away from the Doctor.) THE DOCTOR: Wait a minute! Listen. CHIEF CARETAKER: Why' THE DOCTOR: Well I'm not the great architect. I'm the Doctor. CHIEF CARETAKER: Oh the Doctor now is it' He always was an artful one the Great Architect. Make the preparations will you, Deputy. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Very good, Chief. (The Chief sits at the control desk as the Deputy leans over his shoulder.) THE DOCTOR: Well you can't condemn me without trial, without evidence, without proof. I mean, I don't even know who this Great Architect is. CHIEF CARETAKER: The 327 appendix 3 Subsection 9 Death I think. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: 32...Very good, Chief. (There is a bleep from the control console.) CHIEF CARETAKER: Oh that would happen just now. (He picks up the communicator and speaks into it) Yes' (He pauses to listen) Oh dear, oh dear. Poor Caretaker Number 345 stroke 12 Subsection 3. (He listens to the voice on the other end.) What, now' (He pauses again to listen) Yes, alright, alright. There's no need to quote the rule book at me, Caretaker Number 579 Stroke 14 Subsection 8. I'll come. (He replaces the communicator and stands) THE DOCTOR: Anything the matter' CHIEF CARETAKER: Nothing that isn't under control. Thank you, Great Architect. An unfortunate accident has happened to Caretaker Number 345. I am required by the rulebook to go and investigate it. The 327 appendix 3 Subsection 9 Death will be postponed until I return. In the meantime you will guard the Great Architect here with your lives. D'you understand' DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Yes, Chief, no problem. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (Mel and Pex emerge onto yet another of the dirty streets of Paradise Towers. This street has large globe-like lights protruding from the walls.) PEX: Mel' MEL: What is it now' PEX: Mel. Watch this. Oh go on. Please' MEL: I'm in a hurry you know that. And that ceremony in the square gave me the creeps. PEX: It won't take a moment. (He makes breathing noises and, reaching up, removes a light from its fitting on the wall. With a few more puffs, he takes hold of both ends of the light's arm attachment and bends it. Looking pleased with himself he drops it to the floor followed by a breaking sound.) MEL: (Unimpressed) ...Well' PEX: I'm a finely tuned fighting machine. I work out everyday... MEL: Pex! PEX: Practice martial arts... MEL: Pex! PEX: Run the length of 70... MEL: Pex. If you could bend that back into shape and put it where it came from, it might be more use but you can't can you. PEX: Well, that's not my job. I'm Pex. MEL: I know and you're here to put the world of Paradise Towers to rights. Well go on. I've got to find my friend and I can't waste anymore time. PEX: Mel' [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. SQUARE [SCENE_BREAK] (Fire Escape runs down the stairs and joins the rest of the Red Kangs gathered in the square for a meeting.) FIRE ESCAPE: Build High for Happiness. RED KANGS: (Chorus) Build High for Happiness. FIRE ESCAPE: All sound and safe' BIN LINER: The un-young Doctor and the girl who isn't a Kang are lost for now. FIRE ESCAPE: And No Exit' BIN LINER: No Exit's not here. FIRE ESCAPE: Where is she' BIN LINER: Was on Talky-Phone 3 before Caretakers attacked. (Fire Escape runs over to the Talky-Phone in the corner followed by Bin Liner.) FIRE ESCAPE: Not now' (Bin Liner shakes her head) Mayhaps No Exit's returned to Red Kang Brain-quarters. BIN LINER: Mayhaps or...' FIRE ESCAPE: Or..' BIN LINER: No Exit's unalive. BIN LINER: Taken to the cleaners' BIN LINER: Yes, taken to the cleaners. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. BASEMENT [SCENE_BREAK] (The Basement features a assortment of pipes and the sound of rumbling can be heard. On the floor are the discarded remains of a Yellow Kang garment. A large door open at one end of the chamber, through it enters a large white cleaner. At the rear of the robotic Cleaner is a large bin from which protrudes the leg of the deceased Young Caretaker. The Cleaner glides towards another large doorway which opens as it approaches. Two lights can be seen through the doorway and lots of smoke obscures a clear view inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. CARETAKER HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor sits on a bench against the wall between two silent Caretakers. One of whom is the deputy. The other holds the Doctor's umbrella.) THE DOCTOR: Shall I tell you what puzzles me most. Those cleaners that we had so much trouble with. Well presumably they're part of the organisation of Paradise Towers like your Caretakers. So why should they attack you. (No response from either side.) THE DOCTOR: And another thing. I don't know why you're so keen to kill off the Great Architect. I thought you'd be delighted to have him here to put things to right. It doesn't make sense. Well does it' (Again, no response from his fellows.) THE DOCTOR: I'd hate to have to live my life by some boring old rulebook like you do. You must get fed up' Well do you' DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: No. THE DOCTOR: Never' DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Never. THE DOCTOR: I suppose how you guard me is in that rulebook. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Yes! Rule 45B Stroke 2 Subsection 5. THE DOCTOR: I wouldn't mind having a look at that rulebook if that's not against the rules. I mean after all, I am a condemned man. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Erm... (He flicks through the pages of the rulebook.) Yes, we can count that as your last request. You're entitled to one if you're to undergo a 327 Appendix 3 Subsection 9 Death. Not a pretty way to go. (He passes the rulebook over to the Doctor whilst laughing to himself. The Doctor starts to leaf through its pages.) THE DOCTOR: (Laughs to himself) How extraordinary. No, no. It can't be true. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: What's that' THE DOCTOR: Oh no, no. It's... You couldn't possibly. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: If it's there, it's true. Rules are rules. Orders are orders. THE DOCTOR: If you say so. I don't want to make a fool of you. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Read out what it says! THE DOCTOR: Oh very well but I find it hard to credit... DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Read it! THE DOCTOR: It says here about a 327 Appendix 3 Subsection 9 Death, that after you've been guarding the condemned prisoner for 35 minutes, you must all stand up. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: But if we... THE DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I find it extraordinary. I don't really expect you to do it. But it is in there. (The Deputy and his Subordinate both stand up looking a little uncertain of events.) THE DOCTOR: The Caretakers present must then move 5 paces away from the prisoner. (The Deputy and his Subordinate walk 5 paces forward away from the Doctor.) THE DOCTOR: Five. Close their eyes and put their hands above their head. (The Doctor stands up and makes his way gingerly towards them. He opens the Deputy's back pocket and takes out the Caretaker Headquarters' Door Security cards. He turns and walks slowly away to the door.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: How long do we do this for' THE DOCTOR: For about a minute and a half. You see that's how long the prisoner needs. (The Doctor turns to see his umbrella which he retrieves from the subordinate. He then makes his way to the door.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: To do what' THE DOCTOR: Find the key card to the door and escape. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Sorry' (The Doctor makes his way to the door and tries out several of the key cards.) THE DOCTOR: Find the key card to the door and escape. (The door opens and the Doctor exits giving a courteous, goodbye doff of his hat. Meanwhile, over the other side of the room, the Deputy turns to his subordinate. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Rules should always make sense. Why should we allow a prisoner...' (He turns quickly to catch the sight of the Doctor's umbrella poking through the closing door. The umbrella then finally disappears and with it, the Doctor from their captive.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (Mel and Pex appear from the stairwell and venture searchingly into the dark corridor.) MEL: Doctor' DOCTOR'' (Mel and Pex then disappear out of sight down another street only to miss the Doctor as he appears silhouetted at the other end.) THE DOCTOR: Mel' Mel' (The Doctor runs from one end of the corridor to the other only to disappear up the stairway which Pex and Mel had moments before descended from.) THE DOCTOR: Mel' [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. SQUARE [SCENE_BREAK] (Mel and Pex appear on the walkway over looking the square where the TARDIS landed.) MEL: Oh no. We're back at the square again. PEX: I've been trying to confuse anyone who might be following us. It's part of the training. MEL: Does your training include confusing yourself at the same time. PEX: I'm not confused. MEL: So you know where to go next to get up to the pool then. (Pex remains on the walkway whilst Mel jogs down to the ground.) PEX: Of course. MEL: Well then. PEX: We go that way. MEL: You sure. PEX: Of course I'm sure. (Pex runs down the stairs to join Mel.) MEL: Pex, can I ask you something why are here' PEX: What' MEL: Why are here' PEX: What d'you mean' MEL: Well there's nothing else like you here, is there. PEX: You can say that again. Shall I show you how...' (He strikes a pose a goes to break some other part of the crumbling fountain area.) MEL: Ah! No! I think you've wrecked quite enough for one day. Tabby and Tilda talked about a war. (In the street behind them leading off from the Square, four Blue Kangs venture forward and hide in the shadows. Pex senses that something is there and moves in that direction.) MEL: They said that only the Oldsters and the Youngster were brought to the Paradise Towers and the rest, well the In-betweens, were sent off to fight and never came back. So how does it happen that you're here' PEX: Isn't it obvious' MEL: No, it isn't obvious at all. Pex. You say you want to help me get up to the pool and find my friend the Doctor, so I have to know. PEX: I was sent here. The power to protect has been invested in me. MEL: Who by' PEX: By those I am not allowed to name. MEL: And that's the truth' Really, the truth' (Pex nods.) Then I have to believe you. It can't be safe hanging around in this square any longer. PEX: You're in no danger with me around. MEL: Are you sure' PEX: Of course I'm sure. Come on. We go this way. (Pex darts off across the square with Mel following reluctantly. From their hiding place in the shadows, the four Blue Kangs appear and secretly set off in pursuit of Pex and Mel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor steps out into yet another street which looks more or less like any other. He stands in the centre of the crossroads.) THE DOCTOR: Mel' Mel' (After calling out and receiving no response, the Doctor notices some graffiti on the wall down the street. It shows a cleaner carrying something towards a door with "No Entry" written on it that belches out smoke.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (The Chief Caretaker stand in a street clutching his clipboard in one hand and a communicator in the other. He is with two other silent and depressed Caretakers. CHIEF CARETAKER: Now the main thing, fellow Caretakers, is not to panic. Just because it appears that something unfortunate may have happened to Caretaker Number 345 Stroke 12 Subsection 3, we must not go leaping to conclusions. Careless chat about the Robotic Self-activating Megapodic mark 7Z Cleaners having got out of control is not going to help anyone, and may needlessly upset other Caretakers. Many explanations are possible for this unlucky accident. In the mean time all Caretakers will continue to patrol their assigned streets as before. I'm sure you will be quite safe. (There is a beep from his communicator.) CHIEF CARETAKER: Who did that' Oh. Yes' DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Chief' CHIEF CARETAKER: Yes, Deputy' DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: The Great Architect has escaped. CHIEF CARETAKER: He's what!'! [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. TILDA AND TABBY'S APARTMENT [SCENE_BREAK] (Tilda and Tabby are seated at their kitchen table finishing the remains of their dinner. Tabby bites into a small bone, making sure she has removed every piece of meat from it.) TABBY: Ooh that was delicious, dear. TILDA: Thank you, dear. TABBY: A little on the small side of course. TILDA: Well, I'm sure we could both have done with a little more. Now days you have to take what you can find. Perhaps something better will turn up before too long. TABBY: We can only hope so. (They both pause as they hear a knock at the front door.) TABBY: D'you suppose it's that delicious little Mel. TILDA: She did say that she'd come back. Come in. (The front door opens and an elderly woman dressed in a yellow cardigan and floral attire enters.) MADDY: It's only me. TILDA: Oh, Maddy, dear, how nice to see you. MADDY: I'm not intruding. TABBY: No, no. We're just finishing. MADDY: You're sure. TILDA: Yes, of course. Have some tea. MADDY: Oh thank you very much. (Maddy walks over to the table and sits herself down at the table with her fellow Rezzies.) MADDY: I just had to come over and tell you. TABBY: Tell us what, Maddy' MADDY: Another Caretaker's disappeared. TABBY: (a deep intake of air) was it the Kangs' MADDY: Well, they're trying to make out that it might be but from what I've heard there's more to it than anyone's letting on. I mean people just don't vanish do they. TABBY: No, no, of course not. There's always something left behind. (Tabby covers the remains of her dinner with a napkin and Maddy watches rather uncomfortably.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor appears running down the street, clearly out of breath. He stops by a phone terminal - located by what appears to be a servicing door. He picks up the phone to check for a tone but finds none.) THE DOCTOR: Nothing ventured (hopeful). Nothing gained (disappointed). (In frustration he hits the terminal with his hands. The result of this action is the release of dozens of coins falling out of the socket. He catches the majority of them in his hat. He picks up one coin and examines it.) THE DOCTOR: Jackpot! Issued by the Great Architect, Kroagnon. Kroagnon' (Down the street that he has just run appears a Cleaner belching smoke. He is at first unaware of it. It makes its way toward the Doctor, blocking his exit.) THE DOCTOR: Oh no. Not you again. I've got too many things to work out, you really aren't helping. What d'you want anyway' Oh that is my death! (He turns to run the other way but that is also blocked by yet another Cleaner.) THE DOCTOR: Think calmly! (He is surrounded by smoke from both of the Cleaners. He backs away and falls against the servicing door which promptly opens. Losing his balance he tumbles backwards through it and once inside, it closes behind him. The two Cleaners remain belching smoke.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (Mel and Pex descend the stairway and find that the lift has stopped on their floor.) MEL: Oh. PEX: Wait there. I'll check if it's safe. (Pex gets his gun out and striking a pose, he enters the lift to investigate any dangers.) MEL: Well' PEX: It's safe. Mel: Good. (As Mel and Pex go to enter the lift, a gang of Blue Kangs run into the open and capture them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. INT. RED KANG BRAINQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor is laying on the floor of the Brainquarters and is slowly regaining consciousness. Like the rest of the Towers the room is quite dirty. Against the walls are loads of shelves containing large tins of a variety of consumables.) THE DOCTOR: What's happening... I really don't understand...(hazily sitting up.) BIN LINER: Build high for happiness, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Oh! Build high for happiness. What happened' FIRE ESCAPE: You dropped down, Doctor. Whoosh into our Brainquarters. Where is the girl who isn't a Kang' THE DOCTOR: I only wish I knew. Fire Escape. Bin Liner. I never expected to see you again. I didn't expect to be glad to see you again. But I've got to go, there's much to be done. (The Doctor moves to leave the hideout but his way is blocked by the surrounding Red Kangs.) BIN LINER: No way! FIRE ESCAPE: No ball games, no fly-posts. No out-going. BIN LINER: Why you here, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: It was an accident. I was being chased by two cleaners. And then suddenly... FIRE ESCAPE: Cleaners!'! THE DOCTOR: Yes. I expect they've gone by now. FIRE ESCAPE: (To Bin Liner) Check for safe and sure on the Talky-Phone. THE DOCTOR: Do I get the impression I'm not believed. FIRE ESCAPE: Cleaners make Kangs unalive. THE DOCTOR: Do they now. Why don't you tell me about it' (Fire Escape makes it clear she doesn't want to talk by turning her back to the Doctor.) THE DOCTOR: What is the matter with everyone in the Towers' I simply don't understand. I mean the Cleaners go round killing people and carting them off and no one does anything about them. And all you Kangs can do is draw wallcrawls on the subject all over the place. FIRE ESCAPE: But the Cleaners..!!! THE DOCTOR: I know because I've seen them. And the Caretakers, they're no better. They allowed themselves to be killed off without saying anything either. Just because there's nothing about it in their precious rulebook. FIRE ESCAPE: You mean to say... THE DOCTOR: I know because I've read it. FIRE ESCAPE: ...there's a wipe-out of Caretakers as well. THE DOCTOR: Oh don't tell me you don't know. I mean what is going on' I mean what is behind that door belching out smoke that you Kangs are so keen on painting pictures of eh' Any ideas' Or that simply just another mystery' (Fire Escape yet again turns away from the Doctor. Bin Liner goes up to Fire Escape to report.) BIN LINER: Cleaners were in the carrydoor with sprinkle gas. There no more. THE DOCTOR: Thank goodness for that. Can I have a look' (The Doctor moves over to have a look at the large box on which the talky-phone is held. He lifts the phone from his housing.) THE DOCTOR: You know you really are very stupid for such clever people. If I were you I'd find that door and discover what's behind it. Because until you do, we're all at risk, You, Me, Mel, Everybody. Are these antiques dotted around all over the building' It really is a splendid piece of Auditory Architect Matonical Metrasyncocity. FIRE ESCAPE: It works! THE DOCTOR: I'm sure. (Bin Liner moves aggressively forward and grabs the phone from the Doctor. She taps in a sequence of numbers into the keypad and hands it back to the Doctor.) THE DOCTOR: Hello' Sorry. Wrong number. (He replaces the phone to its housing and starts to turn the large box housing it around. It reveals itself as a drinks machine.) THE DOCTOR: Just one other thing. You probably haven't realised that this machine has another purpose. (He removes his hat to produce a coin that he procured earlier when attacked by the two Cleaners in the Street. Before using it he stops to look at it.) THE DOCTOR: Oh incidentally, yet another Paradise Towers mystery. Issued by the Great Architect, Kroagnon. Kroagnon' Oh I do wish I could place him. I mean what's happened to him since finishing this building. No one seems to know. Sorry. (He goes to put the coin in a slot in the drinks machine. Bin Liner gets worried and raises her weapon. The Doctor promptly uses his umbrella to push it down again. He inserts the coin and then machine starts to hum into action. A Can of Drink falls into the dispenser pocket. The Doctor picks it up and removes the cap. The Kangs run off to take cover. Seeing him take a satisfying sip of the fizzy drink they relax and move forward towards him again.) THE DOCTOR: Erm. Very refreshing. (Bin Liner takes the can from the Doctor and takes a sip herself. Encouraged she passes it to Fire Escape who copies her.) FIRE ESCAPE: Ice hot, Doctor. FIRE ESCAPE & BIN LINER: Ice hot! (Satisfied with himself, the Doctor smiles and wipes the drinks machine with his handkerchief.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. THE BASEMENT [SCENE_BREAK] (The Chief Caretaker strides purposefully through the basement stopping briefly to pick up the remains of what appears to be Red Kang clothing. The Large door in front of him starts to open and smoke pours out of it. Ahead of him are two large neon lights that flash with the disembodied voice.) CHIEF CARETAKER: Hello, my pet. How are you' Did you enjoy your nice Caretaker' VOICE: Hungry! CHIEF CARETAKER: Hungry' You can't be. Daddy's always made sure you get a good supply of what you need. Daddy's the Chief Caretaker, that's his main job. VOICE: Hungry! CHIEF CARETAKER: And why we're on the subject, Daddy's not too pleased with you. Now I didn't send you this little snack, did I' So how come it's got here' I mean the Cleaners wouldn't do things like that without orders from someone and it wasn't me so who was it' Now tell Daddy. (No response.) CHIEF CARETAKER: If you don't tell Daddy who's been feeding you behind his back, I won't give you the Great Architect to eat! VOICE: Hungry! CHIEF CARETAKER: Alright. Alright. Alright. You'll get him just as soon as I can catch him again. VOICE: Hungry! CHIEF CARETAKER: But my pet, my darling. I don't understand, you're not usually like this. What's the matter' Tell Daddy. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (The Blue Kangs have Mel and Pex trapped in a street corner outside a lift. The leader's name is Drinking Fountain.) [SCENE_BREAK] PEX: Fight. DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Enough Muscle Brain. Get back. MEL: Will you please tell us why you're holding us here. DRINKING FOUNTAIN: We saw you with the Red Kangs. MEL: Oh but they were holding me captive too. Look, my name's Mel. I'm a visitor here. DRINKING FOUNTAIN: You know him. PEX: I'm protecting her. (The Blue Kangs all laugh derisively at Pex.) MEL: Do you know anything about this person' DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Oh the Kangs know the Muscle Brain. He's a scaredy-cat. When the In-Betweens sent us all here in the ship, us and the Oldsters, the Muscle Brain hid away and came with us because he didn't want to fight in the war with all the other In-Betweens. PEX: Who told you that' DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Everyone knows that! The Oldsters call out after him in the Carrydoors, "The Muscle Brains a Scaredy-cat". BLUE KANGS - Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat! MEL: Pex' PEX: What' MEL: Is this true' IS THIS TRUE' PEX: I've made up for it since I was here. Since I've been in Paradise Towers, I've been brave! A hero! A fighting... MEL: Sent by powers that you weren't allowed to name' I should have guessed. (To the Blue Kangs) Will you allow me to go if I go alone' I give you my word I mean you no harm. You can see I've got no weapons. Look! (They nod.) Thanks. Goodbye Pex. (Mel turns to Pex and he looks sheepishly at her. Receiving his silent response she turns and walks off down the street alone, leaving the Blue Kangs to chant, "Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat!", at a demoralised Pex.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. INT. THE CARETAKER HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The Chief and the Deputy are standing in the headquarters. The Chief is speaking over the Deputy's shoulder.) CHIEF CARETAKER: So you still haven't discovered where the Great Architect has got to. DEPUTY: No Chief. (The Chief moves away from the Deputy to stand facing him.) CHIEF CARETAKER: And you have no idea as to his whereabouts at all. DEPUTY: No Chief. Unless' CHIEF CARETAKER: Unless' DEPUTY: Unless... He was taken by the cleaners' CHIEF CARETAKER: Don't be absurd. Besides you are overlooking one very obvious possibility. DEPUTY: What's that, Chief' CHIEF CARETAKER: The Wallscrawlers! They've been getting very bold of late, making fun of authority. Summon all available Caretakers. We are going to start a 45D Section 3 Security Search. DEPUTY: Yes, Chief. CHIEF CARETAKER: The 327 Appendix 3 Subsection 9 Death of the Great Architect must take place. And besides even if the Wallscrawlers haven't got him... It's high time they were taught a severe lesson. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (Mel is walking through the Rezzies part of Paradise Towers. She passes a few elderly women who look at her suspiciously even when she smiles at them. Walking around a corner, Mel finds herself outside Tilda and Tabby's Apartment, outside which stands Tilda.) TILDA: Coo-ee' Care for a cup of tea' It's lovely to see you. We'd almost given up hope. How have you been getting on' MEL: Oh not very well. I've been going round and round in circles. TILDA: Oh what a shame. Come inside and rest your weary bones. MEL: Oh I don't know, I... Yes. Yes, thank you. I will. I am very tired. (Mel steps inside the apartment after Tilda who closes the door behind her. Tabby makes her way over to the entrance area to greet Mel.) TILDA: Tabby, guess what. A real piece of good fortune. You'll never guess who's arrived for tea. TILDA AND TABBY: Mel! [SCENE_BREAK] 19. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (A patrol of Caretakers make there way down a street. One of them is carrying a scanning device which they are using to locate the Doctor. The machine emits a bleeping sound. They stop to check the street before continuing their search.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. INT. RED KANG BRAINQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The Red Kangs are busy handing out Fizzy Drinks from the drinks machine. Bin Liner hands a can to the Doctor.) BIN LINER: Build high for happiness, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Build high for happiness. But let us not forget what we have to do. We must find Mel and discover the mystery of Paradise Towers because I've learned enough to realise that its very existence is at stake. FIRE ESCAPE: Ice hot, Doctor. Ice hot. (They are interrupted by the alarm sound. All the Kangs leap to attention and to their weapons in panic. Bin Liner goes to the spy hole.) BIN LINER: Caretakers! I can see them through the Eye spy. FIRE ESCAPE: Ware Doctor. He brings them here because like Caretakers he wants a Wallscrawlers unalive. THE DOCTOR: Not at all. You don't understand. I mean, the last people I want to meet are the Caretakers; I'm in as much danger as you. More probably. You got to believe me. Listen we've got to work together. The Chief Caretaker's off his head. If we don't stop the wipe-outs, who will' Please' (He looks around the room for reassurance from the Red Kangs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. INT. STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside the Red Kang Brainquarters, the Caretakers have an acetylene torch and are attempting to burn through the entrance door. The Deputy stands at the side watching.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. INT. TILDA AND TABBY'S FLAT [SCENE_BREAK] (Tilda, Mel and Tabby are sitting in the seating area. Tabby is toasting a crumpet on a long fork over a small fire.) TABBY: You feeling better now, dear. MEL: Erm. Yes, thank you. There's nothing like tea and crumpets is there' I feel so much more relaxed. TABBY: Oh that's good to hear, isn't it Tilda. TILDA: Yes, very good. MEL: All the same, I really must be going now. TILDA: Oh we couldn't possibly let you do that. TABBY: Oh no, not this time. TILDA: We can't possibly miss this opportunity, can we Tabby' TABBY: No we can't Tabby, not since those horrid little Kangs got suspicious of our little ways. TILDA: I am sorry, dear. MEL: What d'you mean' TILDA: Well you see, we would like you to stay for a very long time. TABBY: In fact we don't imagine you ever leaving at all. MEL: You are joking aren't you' Tilda' TABBY' TABBY: We don't see this as a matter for humour, Mel dear. We mean every word. (Tilda stands and advances on Mel. She throws her knitting over Mel's head and restrains her. Tabby threatens Mel with her long fork.) TILDA: In our experience, Mel dear, it is much better not to struggle too much. It only causes needless distress! (Mel lets out a piercing scream.)

The Doctor meets with the Red Kangs again and asks them why no one questions all the strange deaths at Paradise Towers.

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x07

fd_Teen_Wolf_04x07_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Derek: I know a little about this pack. Their Alpha is a woman named Satomi. They have a kind of secret meeting place in the woods. (GROANING) Deputy Parrish: Meredith's gone. They found her an hour ago in her room. Kira: Peter and Malia? Lydia: Father and daughter. Stiles: We should probably count it. (SNARLING) (SIGHS) (SNARLING CONTINUES) MAN ON TAPE: After entering the IP address, you will be connected through a Darknet portal to an untraceable bank. Once logged in, enter your account number to receive wire transfers. The IP address will deactivate with each transfer. You will be assigned a new IP address if you choose to continue down the list. Remember, visual confirmation is always required for payment. Stiles: You ever made a wire transfer? Scott: Never had enough money. Stiles: So you didn't understand a word of that either? Scott: I don't understand any of this. Why would someone use all this money just to kill us? Stiles: Someone wants you dead, dude. Badly. Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Scott: It's late. We've got the PSATs in the morning. Stiles: No, I meant the money. $500,000. You know how much money that is? Scott: It's 500,000... Stiles: It's half a million dollars. Scott. What are you going to do, just slide it under your mattress? Scott: I have to talk to Derek. The money's his. Stiles: You mean his and Peter's. Scott: What does that mean? Stiles: It means maybe we should proceed with caution. Scott: You don't think we should tell Derek? Stiles: No. No. (SIGHS) No, of course we have to tell him. I'm just... I'm just saying, some of that money's Peter's, right? Scott: Yeah. Stiles: Right? Peter. Homicidal killer? Remember? You want to give $500,000 to him. Scott: So we should give Derek his money back. But not Peter? Stiles: I didn't say that. Scott: Stiles, what are you saying? (BANGING) Malia: We found Satomi's pack. Derek and I. But they're dead. Scott: All of them? Malia: All the ones we found. Stiles: Then where's Derek? Derek: She's been shot! I think she's dying. Deaton: You could have called, Satomi- san. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) KIra: Where's Lydia? Stiles: She's took it her freshman year. Malia: Does that mean I could have taken it some other time? Scott: Malia, you studied harder for this than any of us. Malia: Doesn't mean I'm gonna do good. Stiles: Well... Malia: Well, what? Stiles: It's do well, not good. Malia: Oh, God! Okay, okay. Scott: You're doing this, because while we're trying not to die, we still need to live. If I survive high school, I'd like to go to college. A good college. Kira: It's only three hours. We can survive three hours. (MUSIC PLAYING) Ms Martin: Cell phone in the envelope, Scott. You'll get it back after the test. Simon: Please do not open the test booklet until you are instructed to do so. This test is two hours and 10 minutes. There will be two 25-minute critical reading sections, two 25-minute math sections and an essay writing portion that will last 30 minutes. There are supposed to be two teachers monitoring this exam. Ms Martin: I know. It's Coach. He's not exactly punctual. Um, let me just try him again. (CELL PHONE BEEPING) Ms Martin: Oh, no. (WHISPERING) Hey, get up. (GROANING) Hey. Oh, Bobby. 15 years sober and you fall off the wagon at school? Coach, look at me. It's Natalie. Coach: (MUTTERING) Ms Martin: Forget it. I'll bring you some coffee during one of the breaks. 15 years, Bobby. I can't find him, but Mr. Yukimura is upstairs grading papers. Do you want me to try him? Simon: We have to start. We can ask for his assistance during the first break. You may now open your test booklets and begin. (MUSIC PLAYING) Ms Martin: Sydney! Are you all right? Sydney: I'm okay. I just got kind of dizzy. Ms Martin: Sydney, how long have you had this? Sydney: I don't know. Ms. Martin, do I need to stop the test? Ms Martin: No, um, it's fine. Everybody stay in your seats. I'll, um, be back in a minute. Nobody leaves the room. (DOOR OPENS) (GASPS) (CELL PHONE BEEPING) Ms Martin: Get back! No! Do not come in here! Get back outside! Back to your seats. Now. Please. I need the number of the CDC. Yes, the Center for Disease Control. Sheriff: Excuse me. Can anyone tell me what we're dealing with here? C.D.C.: Hopefully a false alarm. The details provided have concerned us and your local health authorities enough to order a quarantine. We're going to need your help ensuring that no one gets in or out of the school. Sheriff: My son is in there. C.D.C.: Is this gonna be a conflict for you? Sheriff: Conflict? No. Stressful? Yeah. All right. What happens now? Ms Martin: We isolate the sick and then we wait for instructions. If I'm wrong, they'll be out of here pretty quickly, and then I'm the crazy biology teacher who panicked for nothing. (EXHALES LOUDLY) Scott: Hey. You're gonna be okay. Sydney: It's not that. The PSATs, the qualifying tests for the National Merit Scholarship. My parents can't afford to send me to college without it. Scott: Well, I'm sure they'll let you take it again. Stiles: Bet they're thinking smallpox. Simon: Not likely. Smallpox was eradicated worldwide in 1979. We've only managed to completely eradicate two viruses in history. The other was rinderpest. It killed cows. Stiles: So we should be comforted by that, right? Simon: Unless it's something worse. (CHATTER OVER RADIO) Malia: Whatever it is, they're taking it pretty seriously. They're a lot of cars and trucks out there. Sheriff: We're doing the best we can. Malia: Your dad's with them. Stiles: Hey, I should probably call him. Simon: Don't bother. They would have shut off any access to all outside communication by now. No cell service, no WiFi. No one starting a panic. Looks like we're all just going to have to wait here and see what happens. Deaton: How does it begin? Satomi: With fever. Then shifting becomes uncontrollable. Fangs, claws, even full, unwarranted transformations. We moved into the woods when that began. Then it progressed faster and faster. They couldn't stand. But worse than that was this sudden blindness. Deaton: Total? Satomi: They couldn't see a thing. From there, they had only a few minutes left. Deaton: I'm going to be honest, Satomi. We need to get him to a hospital. Satomi: That's never really been an option for our kind. Unless you know something I don't. Deaton: Not something, but someone. (ELEVATOR DINGS) (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Derek: What's that? Melissa: Naloxone. We need to wake her up. Derek: I thought you said she needed to rest. Melissa: That was before I found out the CDC just put the high school under quarantine with Scott and Stiles still in there. (GASPS) (GROANS) Melissa: Braeden, look at me. You were shot, but you're in the hospital now and you're fine. Do you understand? Good. Okay. Last night you were in the woods and you came across another pack? Do you know what happened to them? Derek: I told you, they were poisoned. Braeden: No. No, they were infected. It was a virus designed to kill werewolves. It did. It killed them all. Ms Martin: Scott? You've been in there a long time, you all right? Hey, you need to come back with the others. (KNOCKING CONTINUES) Lydia: All right, Meredith. I'm not sure how to do this. I'm not a psychic. And apparently I'm not much of a banshee either. But I'm trying to help my friends. I don't know if you can hear me. Or, uh, what I'm supposed to ask you. But if I have this thing, it's got to work some of the time. It's gotta help someone. Maybe what I really wanted to say was... I'm sorry. I wish I could have helped you. I'm sorry. (GROANING) Scott: Get Stiles. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Malia: Kira, do you ever get the feeling that Scott and Stiles aren't telling you everything? Kira: What do you mean? Malia: Like they hide stuff. Kira: I think if they did, they'd probably have a pretty good reason. Malia: Do you know what they're hiding in the bag under Scott's bed? Kira: What? No, I've never been under Scott's bed. Or in it. Just on it... Wearing clothes. C.D.C. Doctor: Kira Yukimura. You feeling all right, Kira? I don't like needles either. I promise, it'll be fast. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) Malia: Kira. Kira! C.D.C.: Excuse me. Careful, Doctor. Slowly... Sheriff: What happened in there? - C.D.C. Doctor: I don't know, must have been static electricity. C.D.C. Employ: Any breach of the interior layer, doctor? C.D.C. Doctor: It's okay, it just broke the top layer. Agent McCall: Any verdict on what we're dealing with yet? - My son's in there. C.D.C. Doctor: Your son and his son. Great. You can debrief each other. Agent McCall: I heard smallpox. Any truth to that? Sheriff: You want my opinion? I don't think the Orphans were the only professional killers in Beacon Hills. Mr Yukimura: It's still happening. Malia: I can't make them go back. Mr Yukimura/b]: Obviously the virus is affecting the two of you in a way it won't hit any human being. [b]Stiles: You guys have to stay out of sight. We have to quarantine you from the quarantine. Kira: Yeah, but where? I mean, what if they get violent? Like on a full moon. Scott: We shouldn't stay in here. Not in the locker room. Malia: A classroom is not going to hold us. Kira: What about the basement? Scott: Too many ways out. We need something secure. Somewhere nobody can find us. Stiles: The vault. Scott: The Hale vault. The Hales always have an escape route. Like their house. There has to be another way in. Stiles: This is where the school sign is, so the vault's got to be right about here. Mr Yukimura/b]: I suppose if there's a second entrance, it would probably be accessible from the basement. [b]Stiles: It's probably somewhere in this hallway. West corridor. Whoa. MR. YUKIMURA: It's happening to you too. You're getting sick. You all are. Kira: I don't feel sick. Mr Yukimura: I think it's affecting you differently, neurologically. I found your test answers here in a pile with the others. [SCENE_BREAK] Stiles: Hey, guys... Over here. Look at the cracks in the wall. It's like the entrance outside, it only opens with claws. Anyone's claws, right? Scott: Um... Malia, can you try? Malia: Why me? Scott: I don't have control. Malia: Okay. I'll do it. But first tell me what you've been hiding from me. (STAMMERS) Malia: I know you think you're trying to protect me, but I can handle it. I know I'm on the list. Stiles: Yes... Malia: So how much? Stiles: How much what? Malia: How much am I worth? Scott: Four million. Stiles: Are you okay? Kira: Yeah. Scott's worth 25, Kira, six. They'll take you guys out way before me. Stiles: (WHISPERING) That's progress. That's progress. (STONE SCRAPING) Melissa/b]: Okay. This isn't happening at the school, is it? [b]Deaton: School? It's Saturday. Melissa: They're taking the PSATs. Satomi: I think we need to hurry. (ELEVATOR DINGS) (CHOKING) (SOBBING) Stiles: You know, this is where it all started. That's where the money was. 117 million in bearer bonds. [bKira[/b]: How do you even change bearer bonds into cash? Stiles: Bank, I guess. They just let it sit here the whole time collecting dust. You know bearer bonds are basically extinct? Kira: Why does it matter? Stiles: You know how many problems that money could solve? Kira: For you? Stiles: Me. My dad... The Eichen House and MRI bills are crushing him. Scott: Mom does this thing, she writes down all the items in our budget, and how much they cost, then she adds them all up and figures out how long we have until... We lose the house. Lydia: Sheriff! Sheriff! Sheriff: Whoa, hey! I know this girl, let her in. Lydia: (EXHALES) My mom's in there. What's happening? Sheriff: We're working on it. Stiles: Anything? Scott: They're looking for us. Someone's going to have to go out there. (WHISPERING) We need to tell her the truth about Peter. She's going to see the rest of the dead pool eventually. Stiles: Try to remember that Peter is the one name missing on that list. Which either makes him incredibly lucky with a benefactor, she finds out about him she's going to go to him, you know she is. And then he's going to twist his way into her head like he does with everyone. Including us. We let him walk around like nothing ever happened, like he's one of the good guys... Scott, he's not one of the good guys. If she finds out about him, she's gone. That's probably what he's waiting for and if he wins, we lose. Scott: We're already losing. (SAW WHIRRING) (FLESH SQUISHING) Deaton: I think I know what this is. Unfortunately, if I'm right, and Scott and the rest are infected, it's not good. They're going to die without an antidote. Stiles: Malia... Malia. Malia/b]: Mmm. [b]Stiles: I gotta leave for a few, okay? Malia: Where are you going? Stiles: Whatever's happening, it's worse for you guys. That means it's not just people getting sick, it's another assassin. (SIGHS) (BREATHING HEAVILY) Stiles: Here. (SNIFFLING) Malia: You're coming back, right? Stiles: Yeah. Yeah, I'd never leave you behind. (STONE SCRAPING) (BRAEDEN CLEARS THROAT) Braeden: What are you still doing here? Derek: I'm protecting my investment. Got a lot of money riding on you. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Melissa: Derek. I think there's someone here you've been trying to find. Sheriff: Lydia... As all this is still very new to me, and I don't know how it works, I still have to ask. Do you have any kind of... Indication? Any kind of feeling about this? Is someone in there going to die? Lydia: Yes. And it's not just a feeling. Deaton: It's a variant of canine distemper. A few years ago, an outbreak in Yellowstone killed 40% of the wolf population. Melissa: What's it going to do to our wolf population? Deaton: Well, it's been altered to infect quite a bit faster. Derek: You mean it's been weaponized? Satomi: It infected my whole pack. Deaton: Everyone except for you. That's the real question. Did you not get infected? Or are you immune? Ms Martin: Stiles, you're not looking so good, maybe you ought to lie down. Stiles: It's okay, have you seen Mr. Yukimura? Ms Martin: Yeah, he's fine, he's helping the other students. Stiles: Okay. Is Coach the only adult who got sick today? Ms Martin: As far as I know. Stiles: Why is he... Ms Martin: Stiles? I think you should lie down. Stiles: Yeah, no, it's okay. I'll be back, I'll be right back. Deaton: If your pack was infected, then who was doing all the shooting at the entrance to the woods? Satomi: Apparently another assassin. Personally, I'd rather face a gun than a variant of smallpox. Melissa: Sounds like you're going to get plenty of chances. Satomi: Sorry. I just noticed how much you remind me of Talia. I used to visit her a lot, you know. Do you remember me? Derek: I remember the tea. You always brought that tea that smelled terrible. Satomi: I brought that tea as a gift. Your mother loved it. Deaton: What kind of tea? Satomi: What? Deaton: The tea with the smell, what kind was it? Satomi: Reishi. Wild purple reishi. It's very rare. Deaton: It's also a very powerful emedy for sickness. Satomi, you didn't get infected because you've been inoculated. Melissa: Okay, okay. How rare is it? Can we find it? Derek: We don't have to. My mother kept some of it. It's in our vault. (PANTING) Scott: Malia... Malia? (PANTING) Malia: I can't see. I can't see anything. (PANTING) Simon: I was wondering how that idiot got sick. I'm also wondering where your friends are. Since in order to get paid by the benefactor, I need to have proof they're dead. Stiles: Visual confirmation. Simon: Exactly. Coach: (PANTING) What the hell is going on? Ms Martin: The lesions are gone. Sydney: Can I take the test again now? (CHUCKLES) Ms Martin: They're getting better. They're all getting better. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) (DOOR OPENS) Malia: What's happening to us? Kira: Scott? I can't... I can't see... Simon: Still a bit feverish, Mr. Stilinski. But you should know something, the virus doesn't kill humans, you'll get better. So don't you think you should tell me where they are? Shouldn't one of you get to live? Stiles: I think I saw them in the library. Or it might've been the cafeteria. It was definitely one of those two. Simon: I'm going to count to three, and then I'm going to kill you. Stiles: Think you can scare me? Simon: No, I think I can kill you. I just thought the countdown would make it more exciting. So... One... Two... (GUNSHOT) (SPITTING) (PANTING) Stiles: Where the hell did you come from? Agent McCall: Stiles, listen. I got a call from Melissa. I don't know what it means. She said there's an antidote. It's in a vault, reishi mushrooms. Stiles: Wait, what in a vault? Agent McCall: It's in a jar on one of the shelves. She said to tell Scott, it's in the vault. Derek: I have to get to the school. Satomi: What about the others at Lookout Point? (ELEVATOR DINGS) Satomi: I may have learned to control my anger, but I still know when to use it. Stiled: Hey, Scott? Scotty? In the vault, in there with you. It's called reishi mushrooms. Scott? Scott, open the door! It's in there with you. It's in a jar, it's on one of the shelves. Scott! Scott, can you hear me? (SCREAMS) Kira: Reishi... Scott, I saw it. In a jar on one of the shelves. (WHISPERING) Reishi... (PANTING) (INHALES DEEPLY) (GASPS) (PANTING) Sheriff: Excuse us, excuse us. Pardon me. Lydia: Mom. Mom! Ms Martin: Lydia! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I was just... trying to get a little overtime. (MUSIC PLAYING) Stiles: Hey, Malia?

Derek rushes an injured Braeden to the hospital. A virus designed to kill werewolves is released during the PSATs, and the school is quarantined. Deaton is confronted by Satomi at the animal clinic; she explains that most of her pack have been wiped out by the virus, and she was the only one who was immune. After conducting an autopsy on a werewolf, Deaton figures out that the virus is a version of canine distemper . With help from Satomi and Derek, they realize that Reishi tea leaves are the cure, and that there is a jar of them in the Hale vault. Scott, Malia and Kira are dying due to the virus, and hide in the vault to avoid the assassin. Stiles discovers that an assassin, a teacher overseeing the PSATs, is responsible for unleashing the virus. Agent McCall saves Stiles by shooting the teacher, who was about to kill Stiles. Using the last of his strength, Scott finds the tea leaves and breaks the jar, releasing the spores, which cures the virus. Malia walks away from the others after discovering that she is Peter's daughter.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x16

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_05x16_0

Ted (2030): The children in my stories, I'm a romantic idealist in search of true love. In it, I'm just stupid. Ted joined the band at McLaren's. Ted: Friends, tonight is the night. I invite Tiffany home to see my collection of vintage cameras. Barney: It's the lure of Ted. Lily: Bait? Barney: A true gentleman invents an excuse to bring home a respectable lady. Something interesting or beautiful that can claim to admire for 5 minutes before it starts on the track. Ted: As if she had to "borrow a book" or "listen to old vinyl." Marshall: Or see your new poster rap. Robin: Post rap? On which it would work? Lily: It was the first week of college. I was way into Wu-Tang Clan. Barney: It's tricky. It must be interesting enough that the girl up, but not too much not to spoil the evening. Flashback Barney is a girl with him and they play a slot machine. Barney: The slot machine is too much fun. And a trampoline... that's actually too dangerous. But I finally found the perfect bait... A mini pig. End flashback Ted: A mini pig? On which it would work? Lily: You got a mini pig? Robin: You can see the mini pig? Ted: I can borrow your mini pig? Barney: Yes, you can borrow. Tiffany is in the apartment with Ted. Tiffany: You have a mini pig? I can not believe it! You're too cute!You're the cutest little pig on Earth! What? Ted: You've always been so beautiful? You're going out on "In high school I was super shy and I in my skin"? Tiffany: I was shy and ill at ease. I'd like 50 more pounds and protruding teeth. Ted: Seriously? Tiffany: No. I was always canon. What can I do? You know who else would love this mini pig? (He goes to kiss) My boyfriend. GENERIC Ted: You got a boyfriend? Tiffany: I know... Boring, eh? Finally, it is... not really my boyfriend. Ted: Okay. Tiffany: Well, technically it is. Ted: He is or not? Tiffany: A little each but not both. Ted: Do you understand anything? Tiffany: I appreciate you. But you must be patient. I do not want to lose you, my Dark Brown. Ted: Someone does not want to lose his Dark Brown. Robin: She gave you her hook. Ted: What? I am not to his hook. Barney: Yes, completely. Robin: It gives you false hope, but it does not engage with you, but it keeps you in the corner, just in case, like... an old canned chili in the pantry. Lily: Who would buy a can of chili for not eating it away? Marshall: Amen, sister. Robin: Do you feel pretty good. It is gone. It was on both sides. I was hooked and crocheter. It's good guys. I was shameless, but I did not have money problems. Marshall: I've been hooked. Lisa Walker. See the scene... In 1994, St. Cloud, Minnesota. Flashback Marshall is sitting outside his house with a girl. Marshall: So I was, like, thinking, Lisa, do, perhaps you want, like, go out with me? Lisa: It sounds great. But I'm seeing this guy. It has a LeBaron convertible and an unlimited pass to the rink, so I would not miss it. Marshall: I understand. Lisa: What if we did that? You could be my secret boyfriend who does all my homework. Marshall: Okay. Wanna see my post of rap? End flashback Lily: Whore posting! Marshall: So... Lisa Walker gave me false hope for months until one night I went to tell him how much I loved her. In song. Flashback Lisa Marshall is waiting outside her home. Marshall: She was not home yet so I waited. And expected. I woke up, covered with snow, after 4h. And then I saw them. The footprints of Lisa. She had passed right by me to the house. End flashback Marshall: It was fine in the end. It freed me from its hook. Ted: That's not the same with me and Tiffany. Listen. Flashback Tiffany: You interest me very much. But I can not be with you for now. End flashback Robin: "Right now" is the catch phrase of choice. Marshall: "For now" you draw a picture of a future where everything will be magical, but in truth, it'll never happen. Barney: It's like that. "I can not be with you". "For now." Lily: I think my high school boyfriend Scooter, is a little to my hook. Marshall: A little? Completely. The poor showed up at our wedding hope you recover. Lily: It's weird when I see him at work. Marshall: Wait. What? Lily: Scooter works in the Ikea cafeteria 'school. We talked. Flashback Lily is able to meals noon. Scooter: Nice dress. French fries? I love you. End flashback Marshall: We certainly do not talk about that! Lily: But if. I talked to full time. "Scooter canteen." Marshall: I thought you was talking about a long-awaited means of transport, carrying such poor canteen. Lily: It explains a lot. Flashback Lily: Scooter canteen was still there today. Marshall: You're mounted on it? You did a tour? Lily: No! Marshall: Really? In your place I would have rode this scooter all day to break it into two. End flashback Marshall: So these poor women must still walk? Expect. Scooter works in your school? Lily: Are you jealous? Marshall: I feel bad for Scooter. It took this job just because he thinks he has a chance with you. You must ensure that he understands that it is wrong for it turns the page and gets a real work canteen. sh1t! Lily: I tried! Flashback Lily is in the Ikea cafeteria 'of his school. Scooter: I saw that you had free time. So do I. And if you fled? Lily: Let me be clear, Scooter. There is no way that you and I are together. For now. Scooter: See you tomorrow. It's Tuesday Tijuana. End flashback Marshall: "For now"? You got to the earnest Scooter? You must release your scooter hook. Lily: You're right. Tomorrow, that's what I'll do. Marshall: Why not tomorrow? Lily: I can not spoil the Tijuana Tuesday. Barney is Ted at the bar. Barney: Really? You really gonna sit and watch the door all night because Tiffany said she would try to pass? Ted: I will not give up. Ted (2030): I should have quit. Ted: This girl is special. Ted (2030): It was the devil! Ted: It will get better with Tiffany. Ted (2030): No, moron! Barney: Ted, let me be clear. That girl is poison and you have to forget your life forever. Ted: There she is. (Between Tiffany followed by several other women) It has led to colleagues. Barney: Hold on to it. Never lets go! I have never seen more beautiful girls. They all work with Tiffany? Ted: Yep. Barney: There can be only one explanation for that. Tiffany is a representative... e, pharmaceuticals? Ted: How do you know? Barney: And you never thought to say? Ted: What? It's just a job. Barney: That a b... Since time immemorial there has always been a professional edge to which girls guns, like Tiffany, have flocked. I'll redo the story? Ted: I will not say explicitly. Barney: It began 2.5 million years ago. The man was a hunter.So the profession's sexiest moment? Picker. Homo erectus, indeed. With improved technology, the profession's sexiest moment was changing. I'm sure it's a hernia. You can double-check? And then the man grabbed the heavens. So girls sexy stiletto heels began and became a flight attendant. I'm right and ready to fire. Then the man said, "Life is hard. I should start taking lots of drugs. " So sexy girls landed in medical offices, hot enough to make these pills erection ironically unnecessary. So today, girls are pharma's sexiest moment. Tiffany: Hi my great darkness. How are you? Ted: Okay. In fact, you've dumped your loser of guy? Tiffany: No, sir. It returns to the counter. Ted: She touched my nose. Barney: Largue Tiffany and join the Barnacle in a buffet of girls pharma. There may be loss of clothing, knees burned, respiratory weakness and sore abs the next day. That the world give a damn five?! Lily returned to the apartment while Marshall is sitting on the couch. Marshall: I know you're having trouble dropping Scooter. I decided that you need training. And you say that the problem is his sad eyes? (He returns with a mini pig) Okay, shut up, woman. Now I want you to look this mini pig and you tell him it is impossible for you to be with him one day. Lily: Mini Pig, it is impossible that I may one day with you. For now. Marshall: Go! Be a man! Lily: I'm sorry, but it is just so cute. I just want to cuddle him all day. Oh, yes. Marshall: You know, it's funny. I remember when you told me stuff like that. Lily: I still do. Marshall: Not as much. Not as much. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted returns to McLaren's, where Barney is still there. Barney: There's no nights like with pharma pharma because the nights never stop! Dude, I've flirted with three of them. The fantasy. In addition, my cholesterol is low. My restless legs syndrome is cured. I am more alive than ever. He joined Robin, Marshall and Lily at their usual table. Ted: Friends, good news. Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend. So I'm not the hook. Robin: You're always on the hook. Ted: Look what we did yesterday. Flashback Ted and Tiffany are sitting beside each other on the sofa. Ted: First, it was spoiled. Then we shared a chocolate cake.Then, well, I did not used to join the discussions of changing rooms, but I made her a foot massage... rather sensual. End flashback Robin: And let me guess: it's not gone further than that. Ted: Well, no, but... Lily: And tell me, would you have accidentally made this chocolate cake? Ted: It was a pre-made. Lily: There's no shame to admit it. We were all hooked and we all hooked someone. Ted: I've never done that. Robin: Are you kidding? And this daughter of the university library? Henrietta? Ted: Henrietta and I are just friends. Robin: It is too much to your hook. Ted: Absolutely not. Ted (2030): Yes, completely. Finally... Flashback Ted (2030):... it was spoiled. We shared a chocolate cake. It made me long foot massages. I'm not proud of, children. End flashback Robin: You like to have Henrietta close for the same reason that Tiffany likes to have you close, it flatters the ego. Ted: You amaze me that such an expert is to keep people on your hook. And this poor cameraman your job? Robin: Mike and I are just friends. Ted: Come on. Flashback Robin sits on the couch, eating a chocolate cake and a massage the feet. Robin: Yeah, right. Mike: You never thought to go to the next step with me? Robin: If you mean to do my laundry, I'm starting lineup. Mike: It's a deal. End flashback Robin: What! I do not keep Mike in my hook. Ted: You're Captain Hook. Robin: Dude, I'm a girl. Our female parts are like a cobweb.Sometimes you jokes of things you want to. Ted: That's not why it's good. Robin: And Henrietta, in any way, are not losing time with you, huh? Ted: Henrietta knows we're just friends. In fact, I'll call and get away with it tonight, friends. Ted arrives at Henrietta. Henrietta: I love you. What? Want a foot massage? Because I'm driven on me. Ted: No, that's fine. Henrietta: I did not know if you were hungry, I did some stuff... Nothing special. Ted (2030): Children, looking back, I do not know how I have not seen Henrietta was crazy about me. Ted's phone rings. Ted: Hello? Tiffany: Hey Ted! Ted: Hey Tiffany! Tiffany: I go to the country this weekend at a friends wedding.Wanna be my cavalier? Ted: I would love that. What are you doing here? Great. See you in 10 minutes. Super. Sorry, Henrietta, something unexpected.We redo it, my friend? Henrietta: Yeah, it's not a concern. Ted: It works, yeah. Henrietta: You have the strength. Ted expressed in Henrietta. Ted (2030): What a jerk. Mother of Henrietta: Wait. Where is Ted? I thought we would finally meet him. Henrietta: An unexpected, okay, Mom? Father: I told you there was not. Henrietta: I heard. Ted prepares the room. Ted (2030): So there I was, at one of the surest signs to make a landing in a relationship: a country wedding. It finally came. Tiffany between. Ted: Champagne? Tiffany: I forgot to call you. Ted: Whatever it is, we can talk now. Tiffany: This is Jack. This is the man at the wedding. We just get back together. Ted: Now that I think a call would have been nice. Jack: Is that you Ted? But I heard you were doing a great chocolate cake. Tiffany: It is not great? And it is in a group. Thank you. Marshall Lily always leads to drop Scooter. Marshall: Come on, Lily. You must drop Scooter. Try it again. Lily: Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. For now. Marshall: Act like a man! Lily: Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. Ever. Marshall: Finish him! Lily: It will never be together in any sexual way again. Marshall: Well done. Weird thing to say to a pig. Lily: Really bad. Back in the hotel room with Ted and Tiffany... Tiffany: Well, I do not think it will work out between us. For now. Ted (2030): And that's when it hit me. I was at his hook. I also realized... Tiffany: You've missed so much, baby. Ted (2030): Tiffany was to hook this guy. It was a vicious circle.Henrietta was my hook. And years later I learned that this poor guy was on the hook of Henrietta. Ted: You know what? That will not work between us... ever. I'm done. (He takes the jacket on the bed and hand) And that's really better for traffic if you weight the arch with your thumbs. Now I'm done. Lily and Marshall arrive at the Ikea cafeteria 'school. Lily: I can do it alone. Marshall: So prove it. And... take me a pudding. Lily: Listen, Scooter. There is no way we ever be together. Marshall: Right now! I'm sorry but he is adorable. Lily: Listen. I want to be with you. Marshall: So far. Hang in there. I will not be eternal. Robin and Barney are at McLaren's. Barney: Yesterday I was with this girl so sexy that pharma should call a doctor if you have no erection for more than 4h. I have no reason people? Robin: There is no one. Just the girl with whom you came out recently. Woman: I want you to meet the latest arrival. Woman 2: Nice to meet you. I represent statins and other cholesterol-lowering drugs. Woman: Let's go have a drink. Barney: It's over. Robin: What? Barney: The girls of pharma are more than gunnery. This is the end of an era. Robin: You're a little dramatic. Barney: Really? It starts with a Gladys. And suddenly, a few gay guys not so fabulous fall into the ranks. And before you know it, the girls look like pharma team to a Southwest flight to Albuquerque in Little Rock. It's over! Ted (2030): So that night I went to live in Henrietta prepared to release it from my hook. Ted knocks on the door in Henrietta. Something falls to the ground and he picks up. Flashback Tiffany: This is Jack. This is the man at the wedding. Jack places his jacket on the bed where it was Ted. Ted: I'm done. Ted takes the jacket on the bed thinking it was hers. End flashback Henrietta opens the door and found Ted to his knees, a ring in hand. Henrietta: The answer is yes! Ted is in the apartment with Robin. Ted: It's worse. Flashback Henrietta: This is perfect! Mom, Dad! Ted asked me to marry him! Mother: I knew this would happen! Father: My son! Ted: Yeah, there was a... End flashback Robin: What did you do? Ted: Honestly, I thought to marry him just out of sheer embarrassment. But I did the right thing. I did what anyone who has someone should hook her. I would have broken my heart. Flashback Ted: Henrietta, I'm sorry if it's brutal but I think you duty. I do not wanna be with you. Henrietta: Right now? Ted: Ever. Henrietta: But we're still going to marry, does not it? End flashback Ted: It was violent. Robin: Sorry, big guy. Honesty is hard, but ultimately it is the softer alternative. (Mike enters with the laundry basket) I must tell you something. You've finished the laundry fragile? Mike: Another tour. Robin: It can wait. Ted and Robin are at the bar when Barney comes. Robin: How are you? Ted: You still broies black to the end of the era of the daughters of pharma? Barney: I've realized that their reign had to stop to give way to a sexy new profession. It may be... communications officer in an intergalactic spaceship to a distant solar system that we can imagine. Maybe it will be... contract. It is not known. But one thing is certain. The future shines... as a huge sun throwing rays of orange light over our heads and our spirits. Robin: Why change your mind? Barney: The realization that hope springs eternal. Ca and the little purple pill box found in my bag. I do not know what they are, but they are amazing!

When a beautiful young woman "hooks" Ted (keeping Ted in reserve as backup while she pursues her own dream boyfriend), the gang discusses their own experiences both as the one who "hooks" and the one on the hook. Guest starring Carrie Underwood as "Tiffany".

fd_FRIENDS_09x15

fd_FRIENDS_09x15_0

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, Monica and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters] Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what... Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people... (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except... less s*x with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down! Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's Aparment, Monica sits at the table] Joey: (entering) Hey! Monica: Hey! Joey: Where's Chandler? I wanna wish him good luck on his first day. (Monica smiles) ... and I smelled bacon. (taking some) Monica: He just left. Joey: (puzzled) Who did? (Monica looks bewildered) Rachel: (entering) Joey! You never gonna believe it: she called. Joey: (standing up, surprised) She did? Rachel: (enthusiastic) You got it! Joey: (still surprised) I did? Monica: What is she talking about? Joey: I don't know, but it sounds great. Rachel: Your agent called. You got that audition. Joey: With Lennart Haze? Rachel: Yes. Joey: Oh my god, that is great! That is *** for a play on broadway... and in a real theatre, not that little one underneath the dally like last time. Monica: Is it a good play? Joey: Well, it must be, because I read and I didn't understand a singe word. Rachel: Yeah, and Lennart Haze is starring in it... Joey: Yeah, yeah, and directing. Monica: (sighs) He was so good in that movie of MacBeth. Rachel: (disbelieving) You saw that? Monica: No, but... I saw the previews. They played it right before Jackass. Rachel and Joey: (pointing at Monica, a look of recognition in their faces) Ah! Joey: Yeah, he's done some amazing works. Rachel: Oh, yeah. Oh, I loved him in those cell phone commercials. Joey: (almost laughing) I know. When the monkey hits him in the face with that giant rubber phone. (They all laugh) Monica: Hey! Maybe the monkey will be at the audition! Joey: (sitting down) Don't make me more nervous than I already am! [Scene: Chandler's new workplace, his fellow interns are already seated around a table] Chandler: (entering) Good morning, everybody. Intern: Can I get you a cup of coffee, Sir? Chandler: Oh, no, no, I'm an intern, just like you guys... except for the tie, the briefcase... and the fact that I can rent a car. Intern: Seriously, you're an intern? Chandler: Yeah, well, I'm kinda heading into a new career direction and, you know, you gotta start at the bottom. Intern: (shaking his head disbelievingly) Dude! Chandler: Right. Look, I know I'm a little bit older than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope (he sits down) (Everybody gives him an inquiring look) Chandler: The comedian? USO?! Intern: (correcting him) Uhm, it's USA, sir. (Chandler desperately covers his head in his hands) [Scene: Audition room, Joey is lead into the room by a receptionist in a fancy dress] Receptionist: This is Joey Tribbiani. Joey, these are the producers and, as you probably already know, this is Lennart Haze. (Lennart Haze turns around in his chair to face Joey) Joey: It is so amazing to meet you. (They are shaking hands) I'm such a big fan of your work. Lennart: Well, I've... I've been blessed with a... a lot of great roles. Joey: Tell me about it! "Unlimited nights and weekends!" Lennart: You making fun of me? Because I am not a sell-out. (He stands up and walks menacingly towards Joey) I didn't do that for the money, I believe in those phones. I almost lost a cousin because of bad wireless service. Joey: No, I-I-I wasn't making fun of you, honestly, I-I think you were great in those commercials. Lennart: Really? Joey: Yeah. Lennart: Well, I do bring a certain credibility to the role. Joey: (regaining confidence) Are you kiddin'? When they shoot you out of that cannon... Lennart: Peeeeeooooooooch (He mimes flying out of the cannon) "Hang up that phone!" One take! Joey: Wow! Lennart: So, shall we read? Joey: Oh, yah, sure. Lennart: Top of act two. This is my entrance. You got it? (Joey nods whereupon Lennart acts as if he is entering a room) Lennart: "What the hell are you still doing here"? (Joey stares at him, fascinated by his performance) Joey: Err, "I think you know". Lennart: "b*st*rd"! Joey: "I am what you made me. You know what? I could go right now." Lennart: "Go, go!" Joey: "I can't. Oh, I want to, long pause, but I can't." Lennart: I'm sorry, sorry. You're not supposed to say "long pause" Joey: (understandingly) Oh, oh, I thought that was your character's name, you know, I thought you were like an Indian or something, you know with a... (He mimes wearing a feather on his head) Lennart: No. Thank you so much for coming in. We appreciate it, thank you. Joey: Ah, y-y-you're sure you don't want me to do it again? I could do it with an accent, you know, Southern (He speaks in what he believes is a Southern accent) "I could go right now, maaan!" Lennart: (stunned, muttering) My god in heaven. (The producers stand up) Producer #1: Joey, hang on for a second. Lennart, can we talk to you for a moment? (They stand aside, talking) Lennart: You, you gotta be kidding. See, h-he, he can't act. (Joey hears that and his disappointment is reflected in his facial expression). (Producer #1 whispers something) Lennart: Hey! I-I-I don't care if he's hot, you know. If you want to sleep with him, do it on your own time. (Joey smiles smugly at this) This is a play. No, listen: if you insist on this, I will call my agent so fast on a cell phone that has a connection that is so clear he's gonna think I'm next door. (Joey approaches them) Joey: (interrupting their conversation) Ah, hi, ah. Thank you so much for whispering for my benefit, but, ah, look, if you just tell me what I did wrong, I'd just love to work on it and come back and try it again for you. And, and also: (to Producer #1) 'How you doing?' (to Lennart again) You should, please, just gimme another chance. I really wanna get better, please. Lennart: Well, if you wanna come back at the end of the day today, here are my notes. Ready? Joey: Yeah. Lennart: Uhm, you're in your head. You-you're thinking way too much. Joey: I really doubt that. Lennart: (explaining to Joey, who nods fervently) No, no, no. It's that you're not connected with anything in your body. There's no urgency. The scene is a struggle, uhm, it's a race. Also, what you did was horizontal. Don't be afraid to explore the vertical. And don't learn the words. Let the words learn you. (Joey ponders on this for a while) Joey: (suggesting) Couldn't I just sleep with the producer? [Scene: Backstreet, Ross and Phoebe walking] Phoebe: Hey, do you wanna go to dinner tonight? Ross: Oh, I can't. I've got a date with that waitress, Katy, yeah, I know we've been only going out like twice, but I have a really good feeling about her. Phoebe: Oh, I hear divorce bells. (A mugger, his face hidden by a cap, approaches them from behind) Mugger: Alright. Just give me your wallets and there won't be a problem. Ross: (taken aback) What? Mugger: I have a gun (It looks like he has a gun under his coat) Ross: O-ok. Just relax, Phoene, just stay calm. (He searches his coat and freaks out). Oh my god, I can't find my wallet. (He finally finds the wallet and hands it to the mugger) Mugger: Alright, lady, now give me your purse! Phoebe: No. Ross: (still in a high-pitched voice) What do you mean "no"? I knew you'd be my death, Phoebe Buffay. (A sign of recognition runs across Phoebe's face) Phoebe: Lowell, is that you? Lowell: Phoebe? (He lifts his cap) Oh my god! Phoebe: (simultaneously) Oh my god! (They hug and scream) Phoebe: (excited) I'm sorry, Ross, this is my old friend Lowell from the streets. Lowell, Ross. Lowell: Ross, nice to meet you. (He stretches his hand out to him) Ross: Yeah, a real pleasure. Phoebe: Ah, it's been so long, so long. (They hug again) I can't believe you're still doing this! Lowell: Ough, I know, but I quit smoking! Phoebe: Good for you! Lowell: So you look like you're doing really well! I guess you're mugging days are behind you? Phoebe: Ouh... (she nods) Ross: (shocked) Oh my god. Phoebe, you used to mug people? Phoebe: Excuse me, Ross, old friends catching up... [Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica sits on the couch as Joey enters] Monica: Hey, how did the audition go? Joey: Well, they wanna see me again this afternoon, but, err, well, Lennart Haze did not like me. (He sits down) Monica: What happened? Joey: Well, he said I wasn't urgent enough, you know, and that everything I did was horizontal and I should be more vertical. Oh, and he said that I should think less. Monica: So far so good! (Joey nods) Chandler: (entering, carrying a large box) Honey, I'm old! Monica: (standing up, walking towards him) What's wrong? Chandler: I am so much older than these other interns. I can't compete with them. Monica: So you're a little older. Try to look at the positive: You have all this life experience. Chandler: Yes, but I don't think life experience with these. (He opens the box and takes an inline skate-like sneaker out) Joey: Wooooooooow (He takes the sneaker) It's like they're on fire! Monica: What are they? (They sit down again) Chandler: They're these prototype sneakers and come up with ideas on how to sell them which I can't do because no self-respecting adult would ever where these. Joey: (determined) I give you $ 500 for them! Chandler: What am I supposed to do with these? Monica: Ah, come on, sneakers are easy. You wear sneakers all the time. Chandler: Well, first of all, they're not called "sneakers" anymore. Apparently, they're called "kicks" or "skids" and I think I heard somebody say "slorps". (He takes a sneaker) And here, look: they've got these wheels to pop out from the bottom so you can roll around 'cause, apparently, walking is too much exercise. Kids, kids, roll your way to childhood obesity! (to Monica) Would you help me try to sell these? Monica: Okay, have you considered using a girl with huge knockers? Chandler: No, I don't think that's the kinda thing they're looking for. Joey: Hey, that'd work on me! Why did I get to buy Mrs. Butterwords? [Scene: Central Perk, Monica sits on the couch as Phoebe and Ross enter] All: Hey, hey! Ross: Hey, you'll never guess what just happened... Phoebe and I got mugged! Monica: You okay?! Ross: (sitting down) Yah, because Phoebe knew the mugger! Monica: (bewildered) How do you know a mugger? Phoebe: I'm sorry I have friends outside the six of us. Ross: You wanna know how she knew him? (He points at Phoebe) Because Phoebe used to mug people. Monica: (shocked) Seriously? Phoebe: Well, I'm not proud of it, but, you know... sometimes when I was living on the street and I needed money for food and stuff I... Monica: (disapproving) Phoebe, that is awful! Phoebe: Well, ok, I wasn't rich like you guys, ok, I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony... I had a hard life, my mother was killed by a drug dealer... Monica: You're mother killed herself! Phoebe: She was a drug dealer! Ross: Well, anyway, it was a good thing Phoebe knew the knew him, because (menacingly) I was about to do some serious damage! Phoebe: (laughing) Okay... Monica: Well, this must've brought back some really bad memories for you, Ross. Phoebe: Why? Monica: Well, Ross was mugged as a kid. Phoebe: (worried) You were? Ross: Yeah, it was pretty traumatic. I was outside St. Marc's Comics... you know, I-I-I was just there minding my own business, you know, seeing what kinda trouble got into that week- Monica: (coughing) Wonderwoman! Ross: Anyway, I was heading towards this bakery, you know, to pick up a couple of dozen Linzer torts for someone... (He looks at Monica) ... when outta nowhere this *** with a pipe jumps out and says: "Gimme your money, punk!" Phoebe: (shocked) Oh my god... Ross: I know! And-and the worst part was they took my backpack which had all the original artwork I had done for my own comic book: "Science Boy" Monica: Oh yeah! What was his superpower again? Ross: A superhuman thirst for knowledge. Monica: That's it. Ross: Well, I-I better get to class (He stands up) Are there any more of your friends I should look out for on my way, Phoebe? Phoebe: No... actually, you might wanna stay away from Jane street... that's where stabby Joe works. (Ross leaves Central Perk) Phoebe: Okay, I think we have a problem here. Monica: What? Phoebe: Well, uhm, back in my mugging days, you know, I, uhm, I worked St. Marc's Comics. Monica: Yeah? Phoebe: Well, a pipe was my weapon of choice and, uhm, pre-teen comic book nerds were my meat. Monica: So? Phoebe: Well, there was this one kid who had a sticker on his backpack that said- Phoebe and Monica: "Geology rocks!" Monica: Oh my god! Phoebe: I know... I mugged Ross! [Scene: Audition room, the producers and Lennart are waiting for Joey] Receptionist: You're late! Joey: (entering) I know, I'm sorry, but can I just have a quick second to run to the bathroom? Receptionist: No, Lennart doesn't wait! Joey: But I'm bursting with u-hu! Lennart: (spotting Joey) Joey! Here we go. Let's go very quickly! Joey: Actually, I really need... Lennart: (interrupting) We must go now, quickly, please. Joey: Yes... ahahaaa (He seems to be in pain) Lennart: Ready? "What the hell are you still doing here?" Joey: (walking on the spot) "I think you know!" Lennart: "Oh, you sick b*st*rd!" Joey: "I am what you made me! You know what?" Lennart: "What?" Joey: "I could go right now." Lennart: "Then go, go!" Joey: (urgent) "I, oh, I can't. I want to, but I can't!" Lennart: Cut! That was good. (He turns to the producers) That was very good. You did everything I asked for. Joey: (disbelieving) I did? Lennart: Yes. Plus... what you've got that... I don't know what you've got going... this squirmy quality that you bring into the character that I couldn't've even imagined. Wow, hey, here's what we gonna do: come back tomorrow for the final callbacks with the ***, do all of this what you've got going now, but - you know what? - more, more. Can you do that? Joey: Sure, yeah. I don't have time to say thank you because I really gotta go. (He grabs his jacket and limps out of the room) Lennart: (watching Joey leave) Look at that: still in character, I like it... I plant seeds I can't explain. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Chander sits on the couch as Monica and Rachel enter] Monica: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Monica: What are you doing? Chandler: Putting on the sneakers... thought I'd get into a younger mindset, you know, to see if it sparked anything... Rachel: Oh, anything yet? Chandler: Yes, how's this: They're so uncomfortable it's like getting kicked in the nuts for your feet! (At that moment, Joey opens the door) Joey: (entering) Hey! All: Hey! (Joey heads straight for the fridge, takes all the beverage cans and is about to leave the apartment) Joey: Probably wanna know what I'm doing...? Monica: No, that seems about right. Joey: Yesterday at my audition, I really had to pee, and apparently, having to pee makes me a really good actor. I got a call-back, so I'm drinking everything. Oh, by the way, that egg nog in our fridge was great! Rachel: Joey, that was formula. Joey: We gotta get more of that. (He leaves the apartment) Chandler: (sitting on the couch) You know what... these aren't half-bad! (to Rachel) You should suggest something like these to Ralph Lauren. Rachel: Okay, first of all, that's stupid and second of all, I'm not allowed to talk to Ralph. Chandler: Alright (He stands wearing the sneakers on) I feel younger already! (He trips and falls hard on his back) Chandler: (on the floor) Yah, I think I broke my hip. [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there drinking coffee and Ross is about to enter] Phoebe: (spotting Ross) Hey, you! Ross: Hey! Phoebe: Hey, how was class? Ross: No one ever asked me that, what's wrong? Phoebe: Nothing, I really wanna know. Ross: Oh... (He looks positively surprised) Well, uhm, there was actually a rather lively discussion about the Pleistocene... Phoebe: (interrupting) Alright, nothing is worth this. Uhm, I have a confession to make... uhm, okay, you know, that girl that mugged you when you were a kid... Ross: (disbelieving) Wh-What are you talking about? It wasn't a girl. It was this huge dude. Phoebe: You don't have to lie anymore, Ross, I know that it was a fourteen year-old girl. Ross: No, it wasn't. Phoebe: Yes, it was. Ross: No, it wasn't. You don't think I would've defended myself against a fourteen year-old... Phoebe: (interrupting, pinching his year) "Gimme your money, punk!" Ross: (shocked) Oh my god, it was you! I can't believe it, you... you mugged me? Phoebe: (apologetic) Yeah, and I'm so, so sorry, Ross, I'm sorry, but, you know, if you think about it, it's kinda neat. (She smiles at him, but he doesn't understand) I mean, well, it's just that I I've always felt kinda like an outsider, you know, the rest of you have these connections that go way back and, you know, now, you and I have... have a great one! Ross: It's not the best! Phoebe: I know, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I don't know what to say... Ross: (indignant) There's nothing you can say. That was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me. Phoebe: Really? Even more humiliating than... Ross: (interrupting) Hey, let's not do this! (He picks up his briefcase and walks out of the door, leaving Phoebe behind) [Scene: Chandler's new workplace, we are witnessing a presentation of a fellow intern] Intern: ... and then, at the end of the commercial, the girls get out of the hut tub and start making out with each other! Boss: (ironic) That's interesting! Just one thought: You didn't mention the shoes. Who's next? (Chandler raises his hand) Chander... Chandler: Okay... (He stands up) You start on the image of a guy putting on the shoes. He's about my age... Intern: (snorting) Your age? Chandler: A-huh. So he's rolling down the street and he starts to lose control, you know... maybe he falls... maybe hurts himself. Just then, a kid comes flying by wearing the shoes. He jumps over the old guy and laughs, and the line reads: "Not suitable for adults!" Boss: Chandler, that's great! Chandler: Oh, thank you, sir... or man-who's-two-years-younger-than-me (He sits down again) Boss: You see? That has a clear selling point. It appeals to our key demographic, it's.... (enthusiastic) You did you come up with that? Chandler: (over-enthusiastic) I don't know, I don' I don' know! I was just trying to get into a young mindset, you know, and it just started to flow. Boss: That is great. Good work! Chandler. Thank you. Boss: See all of you tomorrow. (He leaves) (Chandler stands up and walks out the room with a cane) Chandler: The cold weather hurts my hip! [Scene: Central Perk, Ross sits in a chair as Phoebe enters] Phoebe: Hey, Ross! (He lowers his newspaper and scowls at her) I know you're still mad at me, but can I just talk to you for a second? Ross: Sure, go ahead. Whoops, sorry, sure, go ahead. (He raises his hands as if being mugged) Phoebe: I just really wanted to apologize again and... and also show you something I think you'll find very exciting. (She puts a box on her lap, labelled "crap from the street") Ross: (faking enthusiasm) Oh my god, crap from the street? (She smiles excitedly, but Ross just turns back to his newspaper) Phoebe: Look, Ross, in this box are all the things I got from mugging that I thought were too special to sell... or smoke. (Ross looks at her in astonishment) Anyway, I was looking through it and I found "Science Boy" (She holds up some sheets of paper and hands them to Ross) Ross: Oh my god. (He sighs) I never thought I'd see this again. (He browses trough the pages) It's all here. What made you save it all these years? Phoebe: I can't say, I just thought it was really good... and... maybe would be worth something some day. Ross: You really thought "Science Boy" was worth saving! Phoebe: Yeah... but you should know, I also have a jar of vaseline and a cat skull in here. Ross: Still... this is amazing... Oh my god, thank you, Phoebe. Phoebe: You're welcome. And thank you for "Science Boy". I learned a lot from him Ross: You're welcome. [Scene: Audition room, Joey and Lennart are rehearsing] Joey: (hoping frantically on the spot, screaming) "I need an answer!" Lennart: "I-I-I can't tell you somethin' I don't know." Joey: "You know!" Lennart: "I don't know!" Joey: "I need an answer now!" Lennart: "Alright, here, you want an answer... the answer... is..." (He pauses while Joey struggles to avoid wetting his pants) Joey: (screaming) Oh! Lennart: "She never loved me, she only loved you." Joey: "You knew this all along and you never told me? You never told me? I can never forgive you, I can never forgive myself, I have nothing to live for - Bang - End Scene!" Lennart: Absolutely amazing! (The producers applaud Joey) The part is yours. Joey: (in pain) Oh thanks, thanks! Now, I really have to get... Lennart: Wa-wa-wa-wait! Congratulations! You did it! You did it! (He hugs Joey) You can relax now. Yeah. (Joey relaxes and wets his pants while hugging Lennart) Closing Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, Monica sits at the table reading the mail] Monica: Wow, that's a big cable bill! Huh, you don't have a job, but you have no problem ordering p0rn... on a Saturday afternoon?! (shocked) I was in the house! Ross: (entering) Hey, uhm, Phoebe didn't by any chance mention that... Monica: ... that she was the huge guy that mugged you? Yah. Ross: I see. You didn't happen to tell... Monica: ... everybody we know? Yeah. Ross: Great. Thanks! (He leaves)

Phoebe and Ross get mugged by one of Phoebe's old friends from the street (Kyle Gass), then Ross finds out that Phoebe was the person who mugged him when he was a teenager. Meanwhile, Chandler lands an unpaid advertising internship, but feels out of place due to his age. Joey auditions for a play starring Leonard Hayes (Jeff Goldblum), but must go to painful extremes to get the part. Special guest: Phill Lewis

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Trevor Lockley: "Who's this?" Kate: "This is Angel. He's a friend. Angel, this is my father." Kate: "My daddy forgot how to be anything but a cop a long time ago. Maybe that's - that's why I became a cop, too." Angel: "Kate, do you trust me?" Kate: "You know I do." Angel dropping through the ceiling to fight Penn. Angel in vamp face looking down at Kate. Kate pulling a gun on Angel. Kate: "What are you?" Angel: "You already know the answer, Kate." Kate running Angel through the stomach with a 2x4 dusting Penn through him. Angel: "You missed." Kate: "No, I didn't." Sunrise in Galway, Ireland 1753. A maid servant is filling a pitcher with water at a well. Angel is leaning against the wall of the house in the shadow looking disheveled. Angel: "Anna." Anna: "Master Liam?" Angel: "Anna, come closer." Anna: "Master Liam, your father..." Angel: "Will be off to church by now, repenting of his sins, and well he should. Closer, Anna." Anna: "Why do you keep to the shadows, sir? Are you not well?" Angel: "The light. It bothers my eyes just now." Angel's dad: "And I know the reason why. (Pushes Angel out into the sunlight of the courtyard) Up again all night, is it? Drinking and whoring. I smell the stink of it on you." Angel picks himself up: "And a good morning to you, father." Dad: "You're a disgrace." Angel: "If you say so, father." Dad: "Oh, I do. I do say so. Have you not had enough debauchery for one night? Must you corrupt the servants as well?" Angel: "Servant, father. We have *one* servant. Anyway, - everyone gets corrupted, - but I find some forms of corruption - are more pleasant..." His Dad hits Angel hard across the face, making him spin around. Dad: "I am ashamed to call you my son. You're a lay-about and a scoundrel and you'll never amount to anything more than that." Cut from the Angel of 1753 wiping the blood off his lip to the Angel of today wiping blood of his split lip. He is fighting a demon in a subway tunnel in front of a stopped subway car. Cut to Kate and an officer walking on the subway station platform. Officer: "Crazy homeless guy got on at Central Street Station. Went nuts. Started tearing up the car, threatened some passengers. It was one of them that pulled the emergency brake. They're all still pretty shook up." Kate: "What about the suspect?" Officer: "Gone." Kate: "The call said it was a hostage situation." Officer: "It was." Kate: "The suspect escaped?" Officer: "Well, we're still trying to get the story, but it's a little unclear." Kate: "Unclear? You have two dozen witnesses!" Officer: "I know, and they are all saying the same thing." Kate: "Which is?" Officer: "That the suspect went out through the top vent while the train was still moving." Kate: "He climbed out of the moving train." Officer: "They're saying he was pulled out." Kate: "Pulled out by what? (Officer just looks at her) Get statements." She walks down towards the stopped cars. Cut to Angel and the demon fighting. The demon collapses to the ground just as Kate comes running up with a flashlight in her hand. Sees Angel, sees that the thing on the ground is not human. Kate: "Well, I guess I can forget about reading him his rights." Intro. Kate: "It's uhm - it's not a person, is it?" Angel: "No. Demon." Kate: "Is it..." Angel: "Dead? Yeah, Kate, it-it's dead." Kate: "So they - so they die then." Angel: "Yeah." Kate lets out a big sigh. Kate: "Sorry, I guess I'm still having a little trouble with this otherworldly stuff." Angel: "Right. - Although demons aren't technically otherworldly. I mean, in fact they were here (Kate looks at him and walks back towards the station) - first." Cut to them walking back into the station. Kate: "So, do I call the coroner or hazardous materials?" Angel: "My advice? Don't call anyone. I'll see it gets taken care of." Kate: "And what do I put in my report?" Angel: "Just do what you would normally do in a case like this." Kate: "There is no normal in a case like this." Angel: "Los Angeles, Kate, you've seen this kind of thing before, probably a lot. You just didn't have a name for it, that's all." Kate: "No, I think I'd remember." Angel: "Yeah, well, people have a way of seeing what they need to." Delivery guy to officer taking his statement: "No, nothing really stood out, -except maybe the smell. Just your average Joe stink homeless guy." Kate walks over the pair. Officer hands her a pad: "That's what we got." Kate reads: "Average height, average weight, average build. (To witness) That's the best you can do? You're the one that pulled the emergency brake?" Delivery guy: "Yeah. The guy came right at me." Kate: "Why?" Delivery guy: "He didn't say." Kate: "No. Why did you pull the emergency brake?" Delivery guy with a slight frown: "It was an emergency?" Kate turns around to look back at Angel, then hands the pad back to the officer. Kate: "Well, lets get this description circulated. We want to find this guy, right?" Officer: "Right. We'll do our best." Delivery guy: "Can I go?" Kate: "Yeah, you can go." Angel walks up to Kate: "What's your father doing here?" Kate sees her father talking to an officer. Officer: "Nah, not much to go on." Kate looks at Angel than walks over to her dad. Kate: "Daddy, what are you doing down here?" Trevor: "In the neighborhood." Kate: "You've been sitting in your apartment listening to the police scanner again, haven't you." Trevor: "Nothing on cable anyway. I heard you had a hostage situation. Looks like I missed all the action." Kate: "35 years on the force, don't you think you've seen enough action? - Did you also happen to hear I was the lead officer on scene?" Trevor: "You look like you're doing okay. Let you get back to it." As Trevor walks off Angel steps up next to Kate. Angel: "What's he up to?" Kate looking after her dad: "I think he's actually checking up on me." Angel: "You sound surprised." Kate turns to look at Angel: "No, you don't get to do that." Angel: "What?" Kate: "Kill a demon in front of me and then act like we're going to have a cappuccino together. It doesn't work that way." Angel: "How's it work?" Kate: "I'm not convinced it does. - Look, no offence. I think you're probably a pretty decent guy for a - You know, what you are, but lets keep this strictly business, all right? We don't get personal. I'm not your girlfriend." Cut to Darla watching Angel in a tavern fight. Darla to maid: "Who is he?" Maid: "Who, that one?" Angel takes a drink from his mug of ale and goes back to fighting. Darla: "Yes. - He's magnificent." Maid: "Oh, yeah, God's gift, alright." Darla: "Really? I've never known God to be so generous." Maid: "Oh, his lies sound pretty when the stars are out. - But he forgets every promise he's made when the sun comes up again." Darla as Angel smiles at her: "That wouldn't really be a problem for me actually." Angel starts walking towards Darla when someone brakes a bottle over his head. Cut to close up of Angel now. Cordy: "Pay attention! All we have to do is decide what the code will be." Angel: "Code." Cordy holds up a brochure: "For the security system we just had installed. Hello? What have we been talking about anyway?" Angel: "I don't..." Cordy: "Come on. The installation guy said it should be something easy to remember, like - my birthday." Angel: "I don't know your birthday." Cordy: "Yeah, tell me something that you don't know that I *don't* know. But after 11 and months of punching it into this, you won't have any excuses." Wesley comes in carrying to open books. Angel getting up: "Did you identify it?" Wesley: "I-I believe so. (Shows him a picture) Uh, would *that* be the demon you encountered this morning?" Angel: "Yeah, that's him." Wesley: "Her, actually. It's a Kwaini. They're always female." Angel: "Okay, what's it say about disposal methods?" Wesley: "Well, it should be relatively standard. Burial on virgin soil, simple Latinate incantation - however..." Angel: "What?" Wesley: "Well, it's curious. According to everything I could find a Kwaini is a peaceful, balancing demon. Non-violent." Angel: "Non-violent. No. Ha. This thing was a fighter." Wesley: "Not if it's a Kwaini is wasn't, at least not a fighter by nature. They're incredibly articulate, gentle creatures not even capable of the kind of power and strength you described." Cordy: "Maybe it was just having a bad skanky-rag day." Angel sits down with a sigh: "Oh, something set it off. That's for sure." Wesley: "Clearly." Angel: "Alright. So forgetting for the moment whether this thing should have been able to fight as well as it did, what would make a peaceful, balancing demon attack a train-full of LA commuters in the first place?" Wesley: "Something on the train, perhaps?" Angel: "Or someone." Cut to Angel standing in the door to Kate's office at the police station. Kate sees him: "Angel." Angel: "Hi. Can we talk?" Kate: "What's up?" Angel: "It's about that demon from this morning." Kate: "Look if you insist on... (Hurries over to shut the door) talking about this stuff, could you please don't say that word? It makes me (Closes the blinds on the window in the door) it makes me, I don't know, just - uncomfortable. Just say - 'evil thing', okay?" Angel: "Sure. Yeah. I understand." Kate: "Thanks. Anyway, I thought you were going to take care of it." Angel: "It's being taken care of. It's just that the ah, evil thing - turns out it wasn't an *evil* thing." Kate: "The evil thing wasn't an evil thing?" Angel: "Well, it was an evil thing in terms of that word. It just wasn't an evil evil thing." Kate: "There are not evil evil things?" Angel: "Well - yeah." Kate: "Right. Sorry. Hey, anyway, how did you get in here? It's like the middle of the day. Don't you have to..." Angel: "Sewer system leads up to the parking garage." Kate: "Ah, right. Of course. I remember." Angel: "Listen, Kate, I need the names of the passengers on that train." Kate: "Why?" Angel: "I think that the demon uh, - I think that the *train* may have been targeted for a reason." Kate: "An evil thing needs a reason?" Angel: "I think it's after something or someone." Kate: "There was nothing on that train. We searched it." Angel: "Passengers." Kate: "All checked out." Angel: "I want to look into them anyway. And I think we should start with that delivery guy, uh, the man who pulled the emergency brake. He said that that thing was coming right..." Kate: "It's still dead, right?" Angel: "Yeah." Kate: "Good. You told me to forget about it. I'd like to." Angel: "I think the..." Kate: "Angel. There is nothing here. Your not evil evil thing was just evil. Okay? Now can't we just leave it at that?" Wesley on Phone: "I suppose one can hardly blame her for being skittish on the topic." Angel sitting in his car: "I guess so. I don't know. Ever since she ran me through with a 2x4 things have been different." Wesley walking in the subway tunnel: "Well, she'll come around. I think you'll find that most people require some period of adjustment after being confronted with the dark forces, which surround us. Women in particular..." Cordy crouched over the dead demon waving a hacksaw: "Found it!" Wesley watches Cordy sawing into the demon: "Struggle with it." Angel: "Maybe. I'm just afraid if she keeps struggling with the bigger picture - she'll lose the details." Wesley: "Details?" Angel watches the delivery guy coming out of his truck: "Yeah, like why a guy who drives a delivery van would be on a commuter train during his shift." Wesley putting on some gloves: "Good question. Anyway, it appears we've located the Kwaini's body." Angel: "Okay. You'll run the tests?" Wesley: "Yes." Angel: "Good. I'll see you back at the office." The delivery guys cell phone rings and he answers it. He gets in his van and drives off. Angel follows in his car. The guy walks into an apartment building. He knocks on a door. Angel watches as Kate's dad hands the guy a package wrapped in brown paper. The guy sticks it in his delivery bag and leaves. Cut to Trevor grabbing a cup of tea in his apartment. He goes to answer a knock on his door. Angel: "Mr. Lockley?" Trevor: "Yeah?" Angel: "I'm Angel. We met at your retirement party? - I'm a friend of your daughter's." Trevor: "Katie? Did something..." Angel: "She's fine." Trevor: "She with you?" Angel: "No. She doesn't know I'm here either. Though you can bet she'd be interested to know who else was just here visiting you. - You know she actually thought that you were at the crime scene today because you were worried about her?" Trevor: "What do you want?" Angel: "I want to know what was in that package. The one you gave that delivery guy." Trevor: "I don't know what you're talking about." Angel: "You removed something from the crime scene today. Something somebody didn't want the police to find. (Trevor gets ready to shut the door) Who do you work for, Mr. Lockley?" Trevor: "I don't work for anybody. I'm retired. You were at the party, remember?" Angel: "I will find out what's going on, sir. I'm just telling you that now out of respect for Kate." Trevor: "Are you threatening me, son?" Angel: "No. I'm trying to protect your daughter." Trevor: "Protect my daughter. From what?" Angel: "From finding out the reason you were there today wasn't because you cared about her." Trevor: "You got any kids, Angel?" Angel: "No." Trevor: "Right. Then don't think you know how a father feels, or why he does the things he does." Slams the door in Angel's face. Cut to Angel of the past stumbling up to his mother and little sister in his home. His father from behind him: "Liam! You'll do as I say." Angel to his little sister: "Sweet Kathy. No tears. We'll meet again." Dad: "Defy me now, you won't. - Not as long as I live." Angel: "You'll want to move away from the door now, father." Dad: "Go through it, but don't ever expect to come back." Angel: "As you wish, father. Always, *just* as you wish." Dad: "It's a son I wished for - a man - instead God gave me you! A terrible disappointment." Angel: "Disappointment? A more dutiful son you couldn't have asked for. My whole life you've told me in word, in glance, what it is you required of me, and I've lived down to your every expectations, now haven't I?" Dad: "That's madness!" Angel: "No. The madness is that I couldn't fail enough for you. But we'll fix that now, won't we?" Dad: "I fear for you, lad." Angel: "And is that the only thing you can find in your heart for me now, father?" Dad: "Who'll take you in, huh? No one!" Angel: "I'll not lack for a place to sleep, I can tell you that. Out of my way." Dad: "I was never in your way, boy." Angel opens the door and storms out. Dad: "If you'll go courting trouble, you're sure to find it!" Slams the door. Cut to the barmaid at the tavern smiling as Angel picks her up. Cut to Darla scratching her chest to make it bleed. Cut to the barmaid. Cut to Darla in the alley. Cut to the Barmaid feeding Angel some grapes. Darla voice over: "You know what to do. Darling boy." Cut to Angel following Darla into the alley. Darla voice over: "I could show you - things you've never seen." Darla bites him and his eyes pop open. He's knees give out and Darla pushes his mouth on top of the bloody scratch on her chest. Kate to her Dad: "So why the sudden urge to have lunch?" Trevor: "Lunchtime, isn't it?" Kate: "Right. So you drive all the way out here for a hotdog?" Trevor: "Not just a hotdog. One of Manny's. Best there is." He sits down on the edge of a planter. Kate: "Alright. I'll let you and Manny catch up then." Trevor: "And I thought I could spend a little time with my daughter." Kate sits down. Trevor: "So, you've been good?" Kate: "Yeah. Yeah, good." Trevor: "And, uh, - how's Angel?" Kate: "Pardon me?" Trevor: "Tall, good-looking fellow you brought to my retirement party." Kate: "Yeah, I know who you mean." Trevor: "That ain't a Mexican name, is it? Angel?" Kate: "I don't think so." Trevor: "You two still seeing each other?" Kate: "We were never - seeing each other, dad." Trevor: "What's wrong with him?" Kate: "Nothing!" Trevor: "Must be something wrong with him. He married?" Kate: "No." Trevor: "West Hollywood?" Kate: "Daddy, no! - Angel's just - not my type. Or I'm not his type. There is definitely a type involved and it's the wrong one." Trevor: "He's got a job." Kate: "Yeah, he's a P.I." Trevor: "Private Investigator. He any good?" Kate: "Yeah, he's good. - Very good. - He doesn't mind working nights." Trevor: "That's good. - That's good that he's good." Kate: "You came all the way down here to talk about a guy you saw me out with once?" Trevor: "Well, - he made an impression." Kate: "You like him?" Trevor: "No, not really." Kate: "Oh. Then what's this all about?" Trevor: "Nothing, just - just, uh, (sighs) It's not good to be alone, Katie." [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Wesley dressed like a doctor examining some meat on a silver tray in Angel's apartment. Wesley: "Well, the vivisection confirms it. This is most certainly a Kwaini." Angel: "So the species has evolved. It's become violent." Wesley: "No, I don't think so. My tests detected something else." Angel: "What is it?" Wesley holding up a piece of meat: "Think of it as the creatures adrenal gland. Normally it would be the size of a walnut." Angel: "What happened to it?" Wesley: "I believe the inflammation was caused by this substance. (Hold up a little bottle) I found traces of it through out the Kwaini's system." Angel takes the bottle: "Any idea what it is?" Wesley: "Well, it's difficult to say under these primitive conditions, - but what I *can* tell you is it's synthetic. It seems to contain properties not unlike street PCP, though more metaphysical in nature of course. I did identify Eye of Newt as one of the ingredients, but one suspects added chiefly for taste, rather than kick." Angel: "So, you're saying that the thing was on drugs." Wesley: "Yes." Angel: "That's why it attacked the subway train. The delivery guy was probably carrying it." Wesley: "I think that it would be a fair intuitive leap to assume that the Kwaini was jonesing to get well. Yes." Angel: "So not only did this stuff turn the Kwaini violent - it enhances innate strength." Wesley: "Times 20, I would say." Angel: "Hmm. What would happen if this drug were given to an already powerful battle-demon?" Wesley: "I shudder to think." Cordy comes down the stairs wearing a short blond wig and sunglasses. Cordy: "Hey guys? Security system, remember? What is the point of having it, if you never turn it on? I could have been anyone or anything! (Motions to the stuff on the table) Move your - entrails." Angel and Wesley clear off the table. Angel: "So, you're back." Cordy: "Very good Mr. I-can't-trail-the-suspect-during-the-day-because-I'll-burst-into-flames Private Eye." Angel: "What did you find out?" Cordy: "First off, I hate following detail." Wesley: "The voyeuristic aspect is rather unseemly." Cordy: "Uh, can I mention traffic? And parking or the complete lack of it?" Angel: "Not like in the movies, is it?" Cordy: "No! But fortunately I am. (Flips the screen out on the camcorder she is holding and shows them a row of still shots) So it turns out delivery guy really is a delivery guy." Angel: "None of this looks like the package I saw him pick up from Kate's father." Cordy: "But this is where he spent his lunch and he was in there for like ever. (Shot of a warehouse with Kel's Exotic Auto on it, the guy sticks two brown packages into his bag) I don't know what they were serving, but sure are a lot of leftovers in there, huh?" Angel: "That's it. That's the source. That's where it's all coming from." Cut to Trevor in an auto shop. Trevor: "The guy's name is Angel. He's a Private Investigator. From what I hear he's good." Suit guy: "Any idea on why he's looking into our operation?" Trevor: "I don't know. He's got his reasons I guess. - What was in the package?" Suit guy: "Mr. Lockley, we agreed..." Trevor: "We agreed that I'd use my department connections to facilitate movement of your untariffed auto-parts. We didn't agree that I'd be removing evidence form crime scenes, or - pumping my own daughter for information." Suit guy: "We understand the extra lengths to which you've gone. (Pulls out a thick brown envelope and lays it on the table) Don't think that we are not appreciative." Trevor lets out a deep breath and takes it with a grimace. Trevor: "My advice to you guys? Whatever it is you're moving in your little brown packages, (Starts to walk out) dial it down for a while." Suit guy: "Sound advice, Mr. Lockley, thank you very much." The door closes behind Trevor and suit guy turns around to one big ugly demon stepping out of the shadows. Suit guy: "Any instructions on how we should deal with this Angel person, sir?" Demon: "Kill him." Suit guy: "Sure that would be wise, Sir? Lockley appears to be growing uncomfortable with our arrangement as it is. Sudden death of this private investigator could turn him..." Demon: "Kill Lockley, too. (Turns to go) God, do I have to think of everything around here? Someone give me an adrenal gland!" Cut to Angel's funeral in 1753. Angel's mom and sister are crying while his dad stands looking straight ahead. Priest: "Taken too soon from the bosom of his family, a man of just 20 years and 6, Liam was well-loved by everyone he met. (?) Receive this your humble servant. We pray that you may take his eternal soul into your care, Father." Cut to the grave being filled in. The only mourner still standing beside the grave is his father, still staring straight ahead. Cut to the grave stone. 1727 - 1753 Beloved Son. Cut to Darla walking up to Angel's fresh grave that night. A hand breaks through the earth, Angel slowly claws his way out as Darla waits with a smile. (Really nice background music) Darla helps Angel to his feet: "Welcome to my world. It hurts, I know, but not for long. Birth is always painful." Angel breathing hard: "I could feel them - above me - as I slept in the earth. - Their heartbeats - their blood - coursing - through their veins." Darla smiles: "Yes." Angel: "Was it a dream?" Darla: "A dream for you. Soon - their nightmare." Groundskeeper comes up holding a lantern. Groundskeeper: "You there! (Sees the disturbed grave) What have you done? - Grave robbers!" Angel slowly walks towards him, looks back at Darla who nods at him. Darla: "You know what to do." Angel turns back and morphs into vamp face. Groundskeeper: "Our Father, who art in heaven hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, give us this day our daily..." Screams as Angel bites him. After a moment Angel breaks off to look at Darla again, then finishes draining the guy and drops him. He takes a couple deep breaths then turns back to Darla in human face. Darla: "It all makes sense now, doesn't it?" Angel: "Perfect sense." Darla: "You can do anything, have anyone in the village. Who will it be?" Angel: "Any one? (Darla nods) I thought I'd take the village." Cut to Cordy putting in the security code. Cordy: "0-5-2-2 -there, see?" Wesley reading from flyer: "Right. So now we should be protected by state of the art home and workplace security designed to attractively complement any room, home or office, tm." Cordy: "Exactly! Which means no lurky minions form hell get in here without us knowing about it first." Angel steps in: "Sun'll be down soon. I'm going to head out to this exotic car warehouse. See what I can find out." Wesley: "You'll want backup." Angel: "No, not this time. This is strictly recon. I need to know exactly what we're dealing with before we make any moves." Wesley: "Right you are. A deliberate cautious approach would be the most sensible plan. Fools rush in..." Cordy: "No, he wants you to stay here." Kate walks in: "Hi." Cordy takes the flyer away from Wesley: "Give me that!" Kate: "Am I interrupting anything?" Angel: "No. It's alright. Come on in." Cut to Angel and Kate in his office. Kate hands Angel a sheet of paper: "Here." Angel takes it: "What's this?" Kate: "The list of those names you asked for - passengers on the train?" Angel sits down on the edge of his desk and unfold the paper to look at the names. Angel: "Right. - Thank you. (Folds the paper back up) What made you change your mind?" Kate: "Something my father said, actually." Angel: "Your father?" Kate: "Yeah, he asked if you were good." Angel: "Good?" Kate: "At what you do. I said you were." Angel: "Thanks." Kate: "No matter how uncomfortable I am with certain - circumstances - I can't let myself ignore your instincts. If you think there is something more going on here then there probably is." Angel: "I appreciate that." Kate: "And I'd like to be involved." Angel: "What?" Kate: "With the case. You find something, you bring me in, okay?" Angel: "Are you - are you sure about that?" Kate: "Got to face those demons sometime, right?" Angel: "Right." Cut to later. Angel is getting ready to leave searching the whole office for something. Wesley: "Isn't this going above and beyond the call of duty - and friendship for that matter?" Angel: "I have to at least try, Wesley." Wesley: "Angel, I understand, you want to protect detective Lockley from learning about her fathers questionable associations, but you've already warned him once, and frankly even that may have been too much!" Angel: "Look I already warned him about me, Wesley. But now he needs to understand the real nature of what he's working for." Wesley: "If he doesn't already know." Angel starts searching through Cordy's desk: "He doesn't know. He can't!" Wesley: "Perhaps. Still. At the very least he must realize that he is in league with someone who if not criminal is most certainly unethical. It's his choice!" Angel: "Yeah, I know all about it, Wesley, believe me. But sometimes the price we end up paying for one bad choice isn't commensurate with the offence." Cordy holds out the car keys to Angel: "You go talk some sense into him then." Angel: "Thank you." Angel leaves for the garage while Cordy arms the security system. Wesley: "I hope he knows what he's doing." Cordy: "Have a little Faith, Wesley." A Kwai demon burst in through the door. Security system: "Door is open." Cordy: "Yeah. Thanks." The Kwai heads for Cordy, but Wesley tackles it. Alarm: "Bathroom window is ajar." A second demon comes out of the bathroom as the first one pushes Wesley down and Cordy breaks a vase over its head. The second demon grabs Wesley as he gets back up, but he flips it over his back to the ground. Cordy throws some books at the first one then topples the bookcase on it. Wesley and the second Kwai wrestle on the floor, while the first one throws Cordy against the wall. Angel: "Hey! (Holds the bottle Wesley found with the first demon up) Bet you would like some of this." The Kwai demons leave off the others. Angel throws the bottle into his office and the Kwai dive after it. Angel grabs one and throws it out through the window. Alarm: "Window is open." Angel slams the other Kwai down on his desk Cordy: "I'm unplugging it!" Angel to Kwai: "All right. I know you can, so talk!" Cut to Angel walking out to his car. Angel to cell phone: "Kate, it's Angel. Pick up if you're there. If you get this message, get your father. Get him out of his house. He's in danger." Cut to Trevor opening the door to the suit guys from the auto place. Suit guy: "Mr. Lockley. May we come in?" Trevor: "What do you want?" Suit guy: "It'd be better if we discussed it inside. It concerns your daughter." Cut to Angel getting in the car. Angel to phone: "He doesn't know what they are, Kate. He won't understand. I'm on my way there now." Cut to Angel's father nailing up his window from the inside. Angel: "You're no different from the rest of them, - are you, father? (His father spins around and stares at him) Cowering in their houses - boarding up the windows - smearing that foul herb in the doorways. You'd think something evil - and vile - and monstrous - had taken to terrorizing this village -and everyone in it." Dad: "Be gone, unclean thing! A demon can not enter a home where it's not welcome. He must be invited!" Angel: "That's true. - But I was invited." Angel looks to the doorway. His father turns and sees little Kathy slumped against the wall. Dad: "Och!" Angel: "She thought I returned to her - an angel." Dad spins around and charges Angel with the hammer in his hand. Dad: "Murderer!" Angel easily pushes the attack aside, making his dad fall to the ground. Angel: "Strange. - Somehow you seemed taller when I was alive." Dad flattens himself up against the wall: "Lord, bind this demon now." Angel: "To think I ever let such a tiny, trembling thing make me feel the way you did." Dad crosses himself: "I pray ye, give me your protection, Father." Angel: "You told me I wasn't a man. (Slowly stalks closer to his dad) You told me I was nothing. - and I believed you. You said I'd never amount to anything. (His dad stares at him with wide-open eyes) Well, you were wrong. (Angel morphs into vamp face) You see, father? - I have made something out of myself after all." Angel puts a hand over his father's face and bites him. They slowly slide down the wall and out of the picture. Cut to Trevor's apartment. Trevor: "You boys like a drink?" Suit guy: "We'll wait." Trevor: "Okay. So. You said this was about Katie." Suit guy: "Yes. Just a question, actually. You haven't by any chance mentioned to her, even casually, your association with us, have you?" Trevor pouring himself a drink: "She doesn't know a thing. - Why?" Suit guy: "Well, we were concerned, had you confided in her that she might not share your - pragmatism - given her position and youth." Trevor: "You mean you were afraid she wasn't crooked like her old man. She's not! And she'll never have to be, I've seen to it!" Suit guy: "Ahh, providing for her future of course, very noble. Glad we could help with that." Trevor takes the bottle back to the shelf: "Yeah. - I'll be sure and thank you (He opens a door to reveal more bottles and a handgun) when I pick up my father of the year award. Anything else?" Suit guy walks towards Trevor: "Just one more thing." They are interrupted by a knock on the door. Trevor leaves the gun and goes to open the door. Angel: "Mr. Lockley, I need you to invite me in." Trevor quietly: "What? Get out of here." Angel sees the suit guys behind him tries to walk in but can't. Angel: "Invite me in. Do it now." Trevor: "Son, you really need to go." Angel strains against the barrier: "Invite me in. (The two suit guys morph into vamp face) Invite me in! (One of them grabs Trevor and throws him across the room) No. No!" Suit guy to Angel: "Looks like you're not welcome here, bro." Angel: "He dies, the very instant his soul leaves his body, I'm through this door and I'll kill you both!" Angel has to watch helplessly as they drain Kate's father. They drop him and Angel charges in, kicks a chair to break off a leg, hits the bigger vamp and stakes it. The other vamp runs out of the room, almost colliding with Kate as she runs in. Kate falls on top of her dad: "Oh! Daddy! No, dad." She sees the bite marks on his neck and breaks down crying. Angel: "Kate - he invited them in. He didn't know." Kate crying: "But you did. You knew!" Angel: "I wanted to save him. He - he wouldn't' let me. - Look, he was involved in something, Kate, in something he couldn't have understood." Kate: "Get out. Get out! Get out! Get out. Get out. Get out. (Angel slowly back towards the door) Please, get out. Please, get out." Cut to Angel arming himself to the teeth. Throwing star, knife at his waist, knife at his ankle, arm sheath stakes. Wesley: "What happened to calmly, cautiously, and deliberately investigating before rushing in?" Angel: "That was plan A. We've since moved on to plan B." Wesley: "And plan B is?" Angel turns around twirling a big fighting ax in his hand: "Do I really have to explain it to you, Wesley?" Wesley: "No." Cut to Kate huddled against the wall beside her father's body. She spots a manila envelope with a bunch of hundreds in it laying open on the floor and crawls over to it. She finds a business card from Kel's Exotic Auto. Cut to three suited guys gathered around another guy sitting behind a desk at Exotic Auto. Kate walks in and shoots three of them. Kate: "My father may not have known what you are, but I do. I know." Suit guy: "Do you?" Kate: "Oh, yeah." Suit guy walks towards her: "I see." Kate shoots him in the shoulder and he growls. Kate: "I know it won't kill you. (Pulls a stake out of her back pocket and stakes him) But this will. (He bursts into dust) I told you I knew." Head demon walks in: "What do you think you know? Do you know what walks this city?" Kate shoots him four times in the chest and he barely even jerks. There are vamps closing in behind her. Demon: "You have no comprehension! You do not understand what stand sbefore you!" Angel walks in behind Kate twirling his ax: "A big, ugly drug-running demon, who thinks he is a lot scarier than he is, maybe? (Everyone looks at him) Yeah. She knows." Kate and Angel start fighting the vampires while the big demon just watches. Kate goes down beneath a vamp, but Angel reclaims his axe from another vamp, pulls the vamp off Kate and pushes the blade of his ax up against the big demon's throat. Angel: "We walk out of here now, you don't lose your head." Big demon grunts and motions for the other vamps to back off. Angel to Kate: "Lets go." The big demon takes a step after them. One of the vamps grabs Kate, but she throws him over her hip and stakes him. Angel throws his ax straight up into the air and stakes the tow vamps on either side of him with his spring loaded wrist sheathes, then calmly catches the ax as it comes back down (very cool move!). Demon to Angel: "You're dead!" Angel: "I'm already dead. (Swings around and beheads the demon) Welcome to the club." Angel slowly walks over to where Kate is still crouched over the place she dusted that vamp. Angel: "You okay? (Kate is trying not to cry) - Never trust and evil evil thing. - Kate, I know that what happened with your father.." Kate spins to look at him: "My father was human (Gets up) and you don't know anything about that." She walks past him without another word and he watches her go. Darla: "This contest is ended, is it?" Angel has his feet up on the table playing with his father's pipe. His family lies dead around him. Angel: "Now I've won." Darla: "You're sure?" Angel puts his feet down and picks up a mug of ale: "Of course. I proved who had the power here." Darla: "You think?" Angel: "What?" Darla: "You're victory over him took but moments." Angel looks over at the body of his father and gets up: "Yes?" Darla: "But his defeat of you will last life times." Angel: "What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now." Darla: "Nor can he ever approve of you - in this world or any other. - What we once were informs all that we have become. (Angel looks at his father's body) The same love will infect our hearts - even if they no longer beat. (Angel looks at his mother's and his sister's body) Simple death won't change that." Angel: "Love? - Is this the work of love?" Darla steps closer and smiles up at him: "Darling boy. - So young. Still so very young." (Again beautiful score music through this whole scene) Cut to Kate standing in the sun in front of her dad's grave marker. She puts some flowers on his grave then walks away while Angel watches her from the shadows of some crypt a ways away. Cut to the grave marker: Trevor Lockley born 1938 at rest 2000 Beloved Father.

Kate's father, Trevor Lockley, gets involved in a demon drug smuggling operation and he's soon in over his head. When a demon high on drugs attacks the subway, Angel begins investigating and quickly discovers Trevor's shady dealings. He tries to warn Trevor, but it's too late. When Trevor is attacked, Kate blames Angel for not doing more. Meanwhile, through flash backs, Angel's own father is introduced, Angel's past as a human is shown and Angelus is born.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x01

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x01_0

[A house in Tennessee] (A girl comes out, looking for her dog) Girl: Rudy. Rudy! Come on. It's too hot to make me come looking for you (She turns herself. Klaus' here) Klaus: I am so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you Girl: Can I help you? Klaus: Yeah, my, uh, my car ran out of gas a couple miles back. I feel like I've been walking forever. Yours is the first house I'd come to, so I was just hoping I could use your phone Girl: Don't you have a cell phone? Klaus: Heh. Yeah. Battery died. Look, I promise I'm not a serial killer. I just want to use your phone Girl: Sure Klaus: So...I can come in? Girl: No. I'll get the phone and I'll bring it out to you Klaus: I thought you country folks were supposed to be more trusting Girl: I'm from Florida Klaus: Well, that explains it (He comes closer and strangles her. He compels her) Klaus: Now show me a little Southern hospitality... Sweet pea (Inside the houe. A girl is in the kitchen) Girl 2: I bet you a hundred dollars that dog ran off to a house with air conditioning (The other girl comes in with Klaus) Girl 2: What's going on? Klaus: Please don't be alarmed. I'm told Ray Sutton lives here Girl 2: He's almost never here. He's on the road mostly Klaus: But I expect he makes it home... Once a month (She doesn't answer) Klaus: That's what I thought. Where is he now? (She doesn't answer) Klaus: If I have to make you tell me, it's going to be infinitely more painful for you (He smiles. The girl run and tries to leave but Stefan is at the front door. Klaus and the othr girl rejoin them) Klaus: I love it when they run Girl 2: He's in Tulley. It's near the border. A bar called Southern Comfort. It's off Highway 41 Klaus: Thank you, my love. Now... (He looks at the other girl) Klaus: May my friend come in your home? Girl: Yes (Stefan enters) Klaus: Kill this one quickly (He push the blond girl toward him and looks at the other one) Klaus: Make that one suffer. I'll be in the car Girl: Please don't, please... (Stefan bites her. They both scream) (Klaus is outside. He smiles) [Gilbert's house] (Elena is on her bed, awake. She gets up and open the curtains) (Jeremy's room. The sun awake him) Jeremy: Ugh, early. Bad Elena: It's not early. You're late for work. Matt just called Jeremy: Well, maybe they'll fire me Elena: Aim high (She's on the phone with Caroline) Elena: What are you doing? Caroline: Just shopping for the party you're trying to bail out on Elena: I never said yes in the first place Caroline: You were never going to, which is why I planned it anyway. And my mom wants you to call her Elena: Did she find something? Caroline: An animal attack in Memphis. It's the third one this week in Tennessee Elena: And you're sure it's a vampire? Caroline: Yes, but that doesn't mean that it's Klaus Elena: Doesn't mean it's not. I'll call her Caroline: Well, call on her cell Elena: Tell her, thank you for her help Caroline: All right, well, I've got to go. I'll see you in a bit Elena: O, Caroline, wait. Just...keep tonight small. Please Caroline: Wear something pretty (She hungs up. Elena is in the kitchen. Alaric's here) Alaric: Was that, uh, Stefan news? Elena: Could be more Klaus victims Alaric: Are you certain Stefan's still with him? Elena: Easy to be certain when the alternative is that he's dead. Are you sure you're still ok on the couch? Alaric: Yeah, yeah. I'm good Elena: Because you spent half the summer on it. If you need your own bedroom... Alaric: And sleep in your dead parents' room or my dead girlfriend's room... Elena: Right (She gives him a mug) Alaric: Hey, Elena... Happy Birthday Elena: Thanks (She leaves) [Salvatore's House] (Damon is in the tub. Andie is getting ready. He pours himself some champagne) Damon: We are out of champagne Andie: Huh. No, you ar out of champagne, 'cause I don't drink in the morning Damon: Well, would you be a dear and... Andie: I think you can probably get it yourself. I'm not your slave (He gets out of the tub) Andie: I mean, you're dripping... a little Damon: Mm-hmm (He gets out of the room naked) (Elena enters the house and go to the living room. Damon arrives) Damon: Mornin' Elena: Hey, I was going... (She turns herself and sees him naked) Elena: Ohh! (She turns herself) Elena: You heard me. You knew that I was here Damon: You know, you should learn to knock. What if I was... indecent? (She takes a towel. Hides her eyes and throws it to him. He puts it around his waist. She takes her hand of and takes a paper from her pocket) Elena: Sheriff Forbe gave us another location to check. Memphis Damon: Another dead end, you mean? Elena: You don't know that Damon: You're right, Elena. This could be the one (He gets closer) Damon: After almost two months, this could be the clue that tells us Stefan's alive and well and living in Graceland Elena: Fine. I'll go by myself (She tries to leave but he intercepts her) Damon: And let Klaus know that you're tracking him? He thinks you're dead. Let's keep it that way Elena: It's a new lead, Damon. We haven't had one in a while Damon: Ok. I'll check it out. If find anything, I'll call you Elena: But... (he leaves) (He enters his bedroom and opens a closet full of boxes, with a map on it) Damon: He moved on to Tennessee Andie: That Florida victim you had me look into had family in Tennessee Damon: Which one, the Pensacola guy? Andie: Uh-huh Damon: You up for a road trip? Andie: Ha. No can't do. I have got to work, but I can see if I can get you an address (He kisses her) Andie: See you at the party Damon: Get me that address (She leaves) [Mystic Grill] (Jeremy is in the back, he's working and talking with Bonnie via his phone. They can see each other) Jeremy: Ooh. You need to come home. It's boring around here without you Bonnie: You think you're bored? My dad's side of the family is like wet paint that never dries. How's the grill treating you? Jeremy: Well, it's teaching me the value of a mundane human experience Bonnie: A summer job is good for you. You needed some normal in your life (The light flickers) Bonnie: What was that? Jeremy: Nothing. Loo, I, uh, I got to get back to work. I'll talk to you soon, ok? Bonnie: Wait, wait, Jeremy. Is everything ok with you? Jeremy: Yeah. Yeah, normal and mundane. Come home soon, ok? (The light flickers again. When the light comes back, he's face to fac with Vicki) Jeremy: Vicki (She disapears. He takes his phone. Anna is behind him. She tries to touch him but Matt enters) Matt: I need you to switch sections with me Jeremy: Why? Matt: Caroline and Tyler just sat in mine Jeremy: So? Matt: So I don't feel like waiting on my ex-girlfriend (Caroline and Tyler are outside at a table) Caroline: Something's up with your mother Tyler: Like what? Caroline: When I was over yesterday, she just kept eyeing me (Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Hi, guys Caroline: Did Matt make you switch sections? (He doesn't answer. She looks at Tyler) Caroline: He thinks we're dating Tyler: So does my mother Caroline: What?! Tyler: We're together all the time. It's not a leap Caroline: It's crazy Tyler! Right? [A bar] (Ray Sutton arrives and goes at the bar) Barman: What's up, Ray? Ray: Hey, Red. Can I get a beer? (Klaus rejoins him) Klaus: Ray? Ray Sutton? Ray: Who wants to know? Klaus: I've been looking everywhere for you. We started in Florida, Pensacola. I met a young chap there who you worked with you before you moved to Memphis. Now he directed me to two lovely young women. And they led me here Ray: I think I'll be going (Klaus stops him) Klaus: Not so fast, mate. You only just got here. Now your type are very hard to come by (He tries to leave but Stefan stops him) Stefan: I wouldn't do that (He pushes him) Ray: Vampires Klaus: You're swifty swift, Ray. Yes, my friend here is a vampire. He's compelled everyone in the bar, so don't look to them for any help. I, however... I'm something else. A different kind of monster. I've got some vampire, I've got some wolf Ray: A...what? Klaus: A hybrid, Ray. I'm both. You see, I want to create more of me. Now, you being the first werewolf I've come across in many a moon, pun intended, Ray, heh, I need you to direct me to your pack. So... Where can I find them, Ray? Ray: You can't compel me, it won't work (Stefan looks at the bartender) Stefan: I need a scotch on the rocks, please (He has a little bag in his hands) Stefan: Ahem. Tell you what, Ray. We're going to play a little drinking game. Something I like to call truth or wolfsbane (He takes some wolfsbane out of the bag) Klaus: Oh, this is going to be fun, Ray [A house in Tennessee] (Alaric and Damon arrive at the house Klaus and Stefan were at earlier. Damon's phone ring but he doesn't answer) Alaric: Elena? I don't know why you just don't come clean and tell her where we are Damon: 'Cause Andie said this was a half-lead and I don't want to get her hopes up Alaric: Yeah, well, they're all half-leads, and I don't want to get hand I'm your accomplice. What do you want me to say to her? I'm practically living there Damon: Still sleeping on the couch? Alaric: You know, I keep waiting for them to kick me out, but they don't. I don't know why. It's not like I'm helping or anything (They looks around them) Alaric: It's quiet Damon: Yeah. Too quiet (They enter the house. There's blood everywhere. They enter a room and find th two girls' bodies) Alaric: Vampire for sure Damon: Stefan for sure Alaric: How do you know? Damon: It's his signature. There is a reason they called him the ripper. He feeds so hard he blacks out, rips them apart, but ten when he's done, he feels remorse. It's the damnest thing. He puts the bodies back together (He touches the blond girl with his feet. Her head falls on the floor) Damon: Definitely Stefan [Salvatore's House] (Elena, Tyler and Caroline are preparing the party) Elena: I feel like I have to fight Damon every single time we get lead on Stefan Tyler: Maybe he doesn't want to find him Caroline: Tyler! Tyler: What? He's into you. Isn't he? Elena: The only reason Stefan left with Klaus was so that he could save Damon's life. I mean, trust me, Damon wants to find him Tyler: But you kissed him probably screwed with his head (Elena is surprised) Caroline: Tyler! (She looks at Elena) Caroline: I'm sorry Elena: I... don't worry about it. Look, yes, I kissed him, but it was a... It was a good-bye kiss. I thought he was going to die (She looks at her phone) Elena: Oh. I just missed a call from Bonnie. I'll be right back (She leaves the room. Caroline looks at Tyler) Caroline: Just because I tell you things doesn't mean you're allowed to know them! Tyler: Sorry. I've got to run if I'm going to change and pick up Sophie in time Caroline: Wait, you're bringing a date? slutty Sophie is your date? Tyler: Hey, it's been kind of slow in that department. And... I am horny all the time now Caroline: Yeah, tell me about it. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. It's, um, a vampire thing. You know, I feel like our emotions are heightened and we're on overdrive Tyler: It's a werewolf thing, too. It's like I can't turn it off Caroline: Well, I hope you get lucky tonight Tyler: I'll see you later (He leaves) Caroline: Yeah. See you later [A house in Tennessee] (Damon is putting gasoline on the girls' bodies) Alaric: What are you doing? Damon: Covering their tracks. Clearly they have no interest in staying in the dark. But I do (Alaric walks on something) Damon: Hang on (He takes thr rug off. There's a trap door. Damon opens it. There are chains tied to the wall) Damon: Well, what do you know? Werewolves (He closes it and then set the bodies on fire.) [A bar] (Ray Suttton is against the wall, bleeding. He has darts around him. Stefan stirs a dart in a glass full of vervain and then throws it on Ray, he sreams. Klaus looks at them, smiling) Stefan: Ray, you can ended this right now. Just tell me where your pack gathers for the full moon Ray: I can't Stefan: I know, I know, you live by a code and all that. But see, he's not going to let me stop until you tell me and I do whatever he says. That's the way it goes around here (A girl rejoins Klaus at the bar. Stefan looks at them and listens) Claudine: Hello Mr. Klaus. I have some information for you. He told me to tell you that he saw that guy's brother Damon at the farmhouse Klaus: Well, thank you, Claudine. You just tell your friends to keep up the good work with the neighborhood watch, huh? (She leaves. Stefan rejoins him) Stefan: My brother's still on our trail? Klaus: He's getting closer. I'm going to have to deal with that Stefan: No, no, no. Let me handle it Klaus: Why should I let you leave? Stefan: 'Cause you know I'll come back Klaus: Do I? Stefan: You saved my brother's life. I'm in your service Klaus: Oh, that almost sounds sounds so tedious and indentured. Aren't you even having the least bit of fun? Stefan: I'll make sure that my brother doesn't bother us anymore [Salvatore's House] (Elena is getting ready for the party in Stefan's bedroom. Damon enters) Elena: Don't worry, I'm not going to lose it. At least not before the cake Damon: It's your party, you can cry if you want to (He looks at a photo of Elena and Stefan) Damon: Ah, Stefan. Such a pack rat. I got you something. I know I promised not to buy you anything, so don't worry, I didn't pay for it Elena: You stole it? Damon: No. Found it (He takes o box and opens it. It contains the vervain necklace Stefan geve to her) Elena: My necklace. I thought I'd never see it again Damon: Alaric found it in his loft. I figured you'd be happy to get it back Elena: I am happy. Thank you Damon: You're welcome Elena: Can you... Damon: Ah, absolutely (He puts the necklace around her neck. Then he offers her his arm) Damon: Shall we? (She takes his arm and they go downstairs. The house is packed. There's people everywhere. People wish Elena a happy birthday. Girls pass by them with a bottle of alcohol. Damon stop them) Damon: Ooh, hey, hey, hey. You don't want that (He compels them a takes the bottel) Damon: You want the cheap young stuff over by the cheap young people (The girls leave. Caroline rejoins them) Caroline: You like? Don't answer that Elena: This is "keeping it small"? What are drinking? (Caroline smiles. Elena leaves with her) (Jeremy is in the library, twiddling a spliff. Matt rejoins him) Matt: Where did you get that? Jeremy: Uh, Henry from the kitchen sold me a dime (Matt takes it and lights it) Matt: So, what's got you on your spiral downward? I'm sure it's a lot more interesting to know Jeremy: You do not want to know Matt: How bad can it be? I already know everything else. Go for it Jeremy: You know I died, right? And Bonnie used magic to bring me back to life Matt: Yeah, Elena told me Jeremy: The thing is, ever since I came back, I've been seeing... Things Matt: What kind of things? Jeremy: Just...things I shouldn't be seeing Matt: What's Bonnie say about it? Jeremy: No, I haven't told her. I haven't told anybody. It's just messing with my head, is all. You know, I just need to chill out. So...this (Matt smiles) Matt: Yeah (He gets up. Elena and Caroline enter. They seem a little bit drunk) Caroline: Oh, the stoner den. Buzz kill (Matt arrives) Matt: Hey, guys Elena: Matt, hey (He kisses her on the cheek) Matt: Happy Birthday Elena: Thank you (He leaves) Caroline: He hates me. His hatred of me has driven him to drugs Elena: He doesn't hate you. He hates that he's not with you (She sees Jeremy smoking a spliff) Elena: Is that my brother? (She gives Caroline her glass and rejoins Jeremy) (Alaric and Damon are outside) Alaric: I am every parent's worst nightmare. I'm the chaperone teacher from hell Damon: I love high school parties Alaric: Isn't Andie supposed to be coming? Damon: 10:00 broadcast. She'll be here in a little bit (Elena arrives) Damon: Hello, birthday girl Elena: Drink (She takes his glass of scotch and drinks and looks at Alaric) Elena: Jeremy's smoking again Damon: Is his stash any good? Elena: You're an ass (She looks at Alaric) Elena: Talk to him, please. He looks up to you (She gives Damon his glass and leaves) Damon: You're screwed [SCENE_BREAK] [WPKW9 building] (Andie is on the phone) Andie: Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh... bye... uh-huh. Ok, I... I'm the last person here again. Dave, I'm work, please. Can we do this in the A.M.? I have a party I have to get to and you have got to get a life Ok, all right, bye, bye, bye. (She hangs up and enters one of the stages. A spolight is on and on her face) Andie: Hello? Not cool, my retinas are burning (She goes on the side to escape the light but the spotlight goes toward her again) Andie: Ok, seriously? What... what the hell are you doing? (The spotlight goes off) Andie: Hello? Hello? (She runs toward the exit door but trips and fall on the floor. The spolight goes on again and a man is on the light. She gets up an tries to escape but Stefan stops her) Andie: Oh, hi. Oh, Stefan. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What are you doing here? We have been looking everywhere for you! Stefan... (His face changes) [Salvatore's House] (Tyler is dancing with his date. Caroline looks at them, drinking. Matt rejoins her) Matt: Since when are they a thing? Caroline: I thought you were ignoring me Matt: I'm not ignoring you Caroline: Well, you've only said five words to me all summer and those were four of them Matt: Maybe because every time I've seen you, you've been with him Caroline: Cause he's my friend. Which is what I thought you were Matt: Aren't you guys supposed to be, like, mortal enemies? I mean, isn't that how it works in the vampire-werewolf universe? Caroline: Matt, shh! What is wrong with you?! Matt: I don't know. I'm, uh... I'm out of it, I guess. Sorry (He leaves. Tyler, who's been watching them rejoins her with his date) Tyler: What was that about? Caroline: Nothing Sophie: Great party, Caroline Caroline: Thanks (She compels her) Caroline: Now leave it (Sophie leaves) Tyler: What the hell? (She leaves) (Damon is still outside with Alaric. He looks at his phone) Damon: Andie wants me to pick her up Alaric: Your fake, compelled girlfriend wants you to be a chivalrous boyfriend? Damon: Well, it's a complicated dynamic. Hold the fort down, will you? Alaric: You mean the fort full of my drunk history students? Damon: Drink more. You'll feel less weird (Elena enters Damon's bedroom and find Caroline in the bathroom, drinking a blood bag) Caroline: This room's off-limits Elena: Caroline? Caroline: Sorry. I just needed to take a beat (Elena smiles) Caroline: Are you hiding? Elena: I was just looking for Damon Caroline: Well, he' better be here somewhere, because we haven't even done the cake yet Elena: I think I'm going to pass on the whole cake ting Caroline: No! No way, no! It's your birthday. No, it's the dawn of a new day, and you can't get on with your life until you've made a wish and blown out the candles Elena: Is that what you all want me to do, just get on with my life? Caroline: No. Maybe. I just don't think anyone wants to see you like this Elena: I'm not going to give up on finding Stefan, Caroline Caroline: Of course not. And you shouldn't. But you have to admit that you're kind of just letting your life pass you by. And isn't Stefan the one who wanted to make sure that you live it? Elena: You want me to make a wish? I just want to know that he's alive. That's it. That's my wish (Elena goes toward the door and sees the closet open) Caroline: I'm sorry, hey, I'm just drunk and dumb tonight. You know (Elena goes toward the closet and opens it. She sees the map tracking Klaus and Stefan and everything Damon's been hiding from her.) Caroline: What are you doing? (She rejoins her) Caroline: What's all that? Elena: It's Klaus. Damon's been tracking him without me Caroline: Why wouldn't he just tell you? Elena: I don't know [WPKW9 Building] (Damon's here) Damon: Andie... (His phone rings. He answers. It's Elena) Damon: Party central Elena: Where are you? Damon: I'm by the... Punch bowl Elena: Don't do that, Damon, don't lie to me. I saw your closet Damon: Oh, oh, gotta go... gotta go break up beer pong Elena: Wait, Damon... (He hangs up and enter the stage Andie entered earlier. He finds her purse on the floor. He turns himself. Stefan's here.) Damon: Stefan Stefan: Hello, brother Damon: You don't write. You don't call Stefan: Need you to stop following me. Causing some problems Damon: With who, Klaus? I'm supposed to care what he thinks? Stefan: What you're supposed to do... Is let me go Damon: Saw your later artwork in Tennessee. Waling a fine line there, my friend. Keep that up and there will be no saving you Stefan: See, the thing is, I don't need any saving. I just want you to let me go Damon: Oh, I got a birthday girl at home who's not going to let me do that Stefan: You know, maybe I haven't made my point. Hey, Andie, you still there? (Andie is upstairs. In the edge) Damon :Andie? Andie: Damon? I can't move, Damon. He told me that I can't move Damon: No, no, no, it's ok, Andie, stay calm. Not cool, brother Stefan: Oh, come on. It's a little bit cool, huh? Hey, Andie. You can move now Damon: No! No, no, no, no, no! (Andie moves and fall on the floor. She's dead. Stefan pushes Damon agaist the wall) Stefan: I said... Let me go (Damon pushes him and rushes over Andie. Stefan's gone) [Salvatore's house] (Jeremy goes toward his car. Matt's here) Jeremy: What ar you doin'? Matt: I can't find my truck Jeremy: That's probably a sign you shouldn't be driving it. Need a ride? Matt: You're more stoned than I am (Jeremy goes in the car. Vicki's here) Jeremy: Ahh! What the... Vickie?! Vickie: Help me (She disapears. Matt goes in the car) Matt: What'd you just say? Jeremy: Nothin' Matt: Did you just say "Vickie", as in my sister Vickie? Jeremy: What? No, no. I, uh, I didn't say anything (He puts the ignition on. Anna's in front of the car) Jeremy: No... Matt: What's wrong? Jeremy: You know what, maybe we should just walk (Caroline seems a little bit drunk. she tries to walk through the crowd) Caroline: Excuse me. Excuse me (She grabs a guy by the neck and ifts him so she can pass. Tyler intercepts her) Tyler: Hey! What is your problem?! You're pissed that I brought someone? Caroline: Why would I be pissed? You brought a date. You're dating. That's...awesome Tyler: Ok, should I not be dating? Caroline: Hey, you're horny all the time, right? I mean, a guy has needs Tyler: 'Cause if I shouldn't be dating, all you've got to do is say something. If you don't say something, then I'm going to keep dating Caroline: What would I say? Tyler: Don't do that, Caroline! I've already been there once with you, ok, and you said no. You shut me down. I'm not going back there again unless you make it crystal clear that you... (She kisses him) Tyler: Let's get out of here (He takes her hand. Damon enters. Caroline gives him the bottle) Caroline: Hey! You missed the cake (She leaves) (Damon enters his bedroom. Elena's here) Damon: What? What are you doing here? Elena: Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep it a secret? Damon: Can we not do this right now? I'm having a really bad night Elena: All summer, every single time I came to you with a lead, you made me feel like an idiot for having hope Damon: You were an idiot. We both were Elena: Tell me what you know, Damon Damon: I know you need to get back to your party, Elena Elena: we're supposed to be in this together. Why didn't you tell me you've been tracking Klaus' victimes? Damon: Because they're not Klaus' victims, Elena, they're Stefan's! Elena: What? Damon: He's left a trail of body parts up and down on the eastern seaboard Elena: No. You're wrong Damon: I've seen it happen before. He's flipped the switch, full blown ripper Elena: Stop it, Damon Damon: No, you stop it, Elena! Stop looking for him. Stop waiting for him to come home. Just stop! Stefan is gone and he's not coming back. Not in your lifetime (He leaves. Elena cries and touches her neckclace) [Gilbert's house] (Jeremy and Matt are in the kitchen, eating ice cream) Matt: All right, I should probably go before Elena and Mr. Saltzman come home and see what a bad example I am Jeremy: You sure you can walk? Matt: We'll see. Can I take the ice cream with me? (He takes it and start to leave but stops) Matt: What happened in the car, man? Jeremy: Nothing Matt: Come on, man. You said, "Vickie". All right, you said my sister's name. Why? You said you were seeing things? Jeremy: I've been seeing her Matt: I mean, I think I see her all the time, too. It's 'cause I miss her so much, though. You know, like, I want to see her so I do. Look, I know we've got our hands full with all that supernatural stuff in this town, but... Ghosts Jeremy: Like I said, my head's all messed up (Matt smiles and leaves) [A bar] (Ray is on a pool table.) Klaus: Ok, it's a three step process, right? This is step one. I want you to drink from my wrist Ray: I already told you where to find the pack. What more do you want from me? Klaus: Have you been listening to what I've been saying, Ray? I have great plans for you (He cuts his wrist and makes him drink his blood) Klaus: You'll thank me for it later, heh (Stefan arrives) Ray: What are you going to do now? Klaus: It's time for step two, Ray (He kills him and looks at Stefan) Klaus: You're back Stefan: Did you doubt me? Klaus: Not for a second. I knew you'd pass the test. You still care for your brother, for your old life Stefan: I don't care about anything anymore Klaus: You put on a good show, Stefan. I almost believe you. Let's hope, for your brother's sake, he does. You never stop caring about family, do you? But every time you feed, the blood makes it easier to let go [Gilbert's House] (Alaric is packing. Elena arrives) Elena: What are you doing? Alaric: Ahh. I'm not going to stay here anymore Elena: What? Why? Alaric: I'm not a role model. You know, I drink too much, I say the wrong things, I encourage bad behavior. At school I can pull it together, but in my own life.. The way I miss Jenna, it's just, I'm really not any good to anybody right now. I'm sorry, Elena. You're 18. You can do all this alone now. You can do it better without me (He leaves) [Lockwood's mansion] (Tyler and Caroline kisses and take their clothes of. Caroline, in her undrwear, pushes Tyler on the bed and jumps on him and kisses him.) [Salvatore's House] (Damon enters Stefan's bedroom and tores it apart. He breaks everything. He grabs a guitar but doesn't breaks it) [A bar] (Stefan goes outside and takes his phone to call someone) [Gilbert's house] (Elena enters her bedroom and finds a drawing from Jeremy for her birthday. She prepares to go to bed. Her phones vibrates. She doesn't notice it immediately but she finally answers) Elena: Hello? Hello? Hello? (It's Stefan but he doesn't answer) Elena: Stefan? Stefan, if this is you... You'll be ok. You can survive this. Whatever you do, I love you, Stefan. Hold on to that. Never let that go (He doesn't say anything but he tries to hold is tears) [Lockwood's mansion] (Tyler is asleep. Caroline gets up, puts her dress on, takes her shoes and leaves the room. She goes dpwnstairs and is about to leave but Carol Lockwood intercepts her) Caroline: Mrs. Lockwood. Hi Carol: Leaving so soon? Caroline: I... I didn't mean to be so... I mean, we were just... I'm going to just... Get my purse. Ok (Carol shoots her various time.Caroline finally falls on the floor, uncouscious.)

On the morning of Elena's 18th birthday, Caroline is busy planning a party, but Elena is focused on searching for any clues that might help her discover where Stefan is. Damon is also searching for Stefan, while trying to protect Elena and keep her from doing anything that would draw Klaus' attention. Meanwhile, Klaus and Stefan are busy trailing a werewolf named Ray Sutton. Now working at the Mystic Grill along with Matt, Jeremy is struggling to understand why he keeps seeing the ghosts of Vicki and Anna since he was brought back to life by Bonnie's magic. Meanwhile, Alaric does his best to watch over Elena and Jeremy, while dealing with his grief over Jenna's death. Finally, Caroline and Tyler face a new and unexpected challenge.

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The Sensorites By Peter R. Newman 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: LABORATORY RICHMOND: I think I'll go over to the Palace of the Elders and try and hurry them up. SUSAN: Oh, would you Carol? Thank you. JOHN: Tell them I'm starving. RICHMOND: Alright. (Carol walks out of the door and Susan closes it behind her.) SUSAN: John I... I'm so happy that you're better now, so's Carol. Well you can see that for yourself. JOHN: Mm, she's had a bad time. You know, I've a feeling that we'll both give up space travelling when we get back to Earth. SUSAN: Oh and get married? JOHN: Mm, she's all I really care about. Come on, let's eat. I'm tired of waiting. (They tuck into the fruits.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2, EXT: ROOF TERRACE (Carol walks along the terrace. She pauses momentarily beside the fountain. Looks around and frowning, she begins to move off again when a hand clamps over her mouth and she is dragged away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: DISINTEGRATOR ROOM (Carol is pushed through the door and thrust roughly to the ground.) RICHMOND: Why are you doing this? EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Pay attention to me! You will write a letter to the man John. RICHMOND: I certainly will not! EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Argument is a waste of time! Two of your friends have gone up into the spaceship they cannot help you; two of the others have gone down into the aqueduct. RICHMOND: The Doctor and Ian? EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Yes. They cannot help you. The other two, the man John and the girl Susan are waiting innocently in the laboratory for you. Your party is divided. RICHMOND: What do you want me to do? EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Write to the man John. Tell him that you have gone up into the spaceship, in this way he will not suspect your disappearance. RICHMOND: You can't force me to do this! EX-ADMINISTRATOR: I can see that you stay alive. Your life means nothing to me, let us make a bargain: you will write the note, I will see you live. RICHMOND: Very well. ENGINEER: Be wary of her, we cannot read her thoughts. She may be... EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Be quiet! Write. (He points and Carol does so.) EX-ADMINISTRATOR: You will stay here and guard her. She will guarantee the success of all my plans. ENGINEER: And I shall be given high office? EX-ADMINISTRATOR: I shall reward those who are faithful to me. (The ex-Administrator snatches the note from Carol and reads it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4, INT: RECEPTION ROOM (Susan and John glance at the note which reads: [SCENE_BREAK] SUSAN: She couldn't have gone up to the spaceship. JOHN: I should have seen her or passed her on the way. BARBARA: She was obviously forced to write this, and whoever did it had no idea that I was being brought down here. JOHN: Oh I bet that the City Administrator had something to do with it. SUSAN: But why kidnap her? BARBARA: I should think the why is fairly obvious, wouldn't you? JOHN: No I don't think it is Barbara. We're on good terms with the first Elder, the Doctor's discovered an antidote for the poison and now he and Ian are tracking down the cause of the trouble. BARBARA: Look, I've been away in the ship, so maybe I can see things more clearly, and I think we're being used by one of the Sensorites who wants to gain power. SUSAN: You mean we're not just being attacked because we're from other planets? BARBARA: No. (The first Elder wanders in.) FIRST-ELDER: I greet you. BARBARA: Thank you. FIRST-ELDER: Your friends expressed so much concern about you, I agreed to have you brought down to the sense sphere. BARBARA: I'm afraid we must ask for your help. FIRST-ELDER: If I can. BARBARA: The Doctor and Ian are missing, have you any idea where they are? (The first Elder looks a little torn for a moment.) BARBARA: Well please, tell me. FIRST-ELDER: There is a quality in human beings which intrigues me, your concern for each other. I assure you the two men are safe. SUSAN: You know where they are? FIRST-ELDER: Yes, but they asked me not to tell you what their plans were. SUSAN: Oh, that's Grandfather. BARBARA: Look, would you mind reading this letter? (He reads Carol's note.) FIRST-ELDER: I gave no such order. BARBARA: No, we didn't think you did. FIRST-ELDER: Then why did your friend write what is not true? JOHN: Because someone made her write it. FIRST-ELDER: She could not travel without my ordering it. Where did you see...receive this? SUSAN: Well, it was given to us in the courtyard, where all the arches are. JOHN: She is being held prisoner. FIRST-ELDER: Not by any Sensorite. JOHN: Of course she is! BARBARA: Quietly, John. SUSAN: Look, whatever she wrote this with wasn't dry, I-I put my thumb on it and smudged it. FIRST-ELDER: And this is her writing? SUSAN: Yes. JOHN: Yes. And that smudge must have...means that it was written just before we got it. FIRST-ELDER: Are you implying that your friend Carol is being held prisoner in this Palace? I assure you she is not. BARBARA: Are there any other buildings in vicinity? FIRST-ELDER: None. Except the disintegrator room. BARBARA: Where's that? FIRST-ELDER: Below the courtyard, it is rarely used now. I cannot allow this mystery, but I can see that it worries you. As to your other friends I must tell you, they have gone down into the aqueduct. SUSAN: What? FIRST-ELDER: Oh, they were given light and a good map - also they were armed. They can be in no danger. [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: AQUEDUCT (Ian examines the hand-rays.) IAN: There's no doubt about it Doctor, the inside filament's been removed. These weapons are useless. DOCTOR: Yes, It's only one of our troubles dear boy, look at this map. It's no use to us, look! All the lines have been altered. Someone's been jigging around with it! IAN: We'll get out of here somehow Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, in time; but have we got that time? Remember we've brought no food with us, and the only water available is that poisoned water out there, with deadly nightshade. That's a charming outlook, hah! [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: DISINTEGRATOR ROOM RICHMOND: How long are you going to keep me here? ENGINEER: That is not for me to say. RICHMOND: Look, I've had nothing to eat and I'm very thirsty. ENGINEER: It is of no consequence. RICHMOND: But I wrote the letter! ENGINEER: But surely you didn't think you would be released? all human creatures are na ve. (The door behind the Engineer, opens and John quietly enters.) ENGINEER: They live while they have a purpose, as soon as that purpose is achieved their life has no value left. (The Engineer turns and sees John rushing towards him. He grabs a laser-cutter that is attached to the disintegrator by a wire and holds it over Carol causing John to skid to a halt.) ENGINEER: Stop! I've only to cut her with this and she will die! JOHN: Don't be foolish, put it down! ENGINEER: No Sensorite should be humbled before a human creature! (Carol takes the initiative and pulls the wire out of the disintegrator to a satisfying crackle and a cloud of smoke. She jumps up.) JOHN: Throw it down. Throw it down! (As John shouts, the Engineer drops the cutter. The Warrior enters.) JOHN: Take him to the first Elder. (The Warrior places a hand of the law onto the Engineer's shoulder.) WARRIOR: I have already imprisoned you once, this time you will not escape. (The Warrior leads the Engineer away. Carol buries her head in John's shoulder.) RICHMOND: Oh John! [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: RECEPTION ROOM (The First Elder is talking with the ex-Administrator.) FIRST-ELDER: This is very serious. That Sensorite was imprisoned on my order, now I find that he has escaped and kidnapped one of the human beings. EX-ADMINISTRATOR: He is a menace to society! FIRST-ELDER: I agree. EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Let him be punished! FIRST-ELDER: He shall be! We must also find who his accomplice is. EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Ah, so you believe that another Sensorite is working with him? FIRST-ELDER: Obviously. He had to girl that..guard the girl Carol. Who then, delivered the letter she was forced to write? (Susan and Barbara walk over.) FIRST-ELDER: What I cannot tolerate is accusation, I must have clear and definite proof. (The first Elder notices Susan and Barbara.) EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Yes sir. Clear and definite proof. FIRST-ELDER: Come in my friends. You have been questioning this Sensorite who has acted so treacherously? SUSAN: Yes, and what he told us is terrifying. EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Has he identified his accomplice? BARBARA: No. SUSAN: Not yet. BARBARA: But he did say that the maps and the guns given to the Doctor and Ian were quite useless. FIRST-ELDER: Outrageous! This Sensorite will die for this! SUSAN: Oh yes, but what about Grandfather and Ian? FIRST-ELDER: What can I say? (The first Elder gazes sadly into the distance.) FIRST-ELDER: Lost and unarmed in the aqueduct... BARBARA: I'm afraid that answer isn't good enough! EX-ADMINISTRATOR: Do not be insolent to the first Elder! (Barbara ignores the ex-Administrator, and approaches the first Elder who is still staring forward.) SUSAN: Look, you must decide who your friends are and save them. FIRST-ELDER: There is nothing I can do. BARBARA: Is there an authentic map to the aqueduct? FIRST-ELDER: Yes. BARBARA: Well if Susan and I can find a way to rescue them, will you help us? EX-ADMINISTRATOR: I am suspicious of these creatures sir, they ask too much. FIRST-ELDER: That other human being, the Doctor, he has found a cure for our people. He has placed his life in danger for the sake of the Sensorite Nation. (He turns, coming to a decision.) FIRST-ELDER: Yes, I will give you all the help I can. [SCENE_BREAK] 8, INT: CHANNEL MOUTH IAN: Well whatever's out there hasn't attacked us yet. DOCTOR: Mm. (As if on cue, a bellow comes from the darkness.) DOCTOR: Courage my boy, both hands. Come on. (They move towards the source of the sound. Passing another dirty concrete archway, Ian stops.) IAN: Doctor! DOCTOR: Mm? IAN: Something moved slightly up ahead of us. (The Doctor rolls up the map until it is a tight tube, and hands it to Ian. He tiptoes across the tunnel with the map held out, looking as if he is about to swat a very loud fly. Suddenly a hand grabs Ian in the darkness, there is a brief struggle between him, and an enthusiastic something dressed in rags, during which Ian drops the map. In moments the something scurries off along the tunnel. Picking himself up, Ian rejoins the Doctor.) DOCTOR: Mm? IAN: Doctor, it was a man! I know it was! DOCTOR: Are you sure? IAN: Yes! Look, this came away in the struggle. (Ian shows the Doctor a faded rocket-shaped badge.) DOCTOR: It looks like a shoulder flash. I-N-E-E-R. Yes, just as I suspected! It must be one of those survivors from that spaceship that exploded. IAN: Well why should they come here? DOCTOR: To hide and poison the water. IAN: Yes, but why poison the water in the first place? DOCTOR: Let's go and ask him! [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: LABORATORY (Barbara points to a scale model of the lower section of the Sensorite city.) BARBARA: This is the entrance to the aqueducts? FIRST-ELDER: Yes. BARBARA: Tell me, can I use one of your mind-transmitters? FIRST-ELDER: You have my permission to try. But how will it help you? BARBARA: Well, John and I will go down to the Aqueduct, Susan will stay here and direct us. SUSAN: Yes, and we can both guide...guide them both out. FIRST-ELDER: My Scientists tell me that you do not require the use of our mind transmitters. SUSAN: Well, I've always been able to read your mind, but only when you allowed me too. FIRST-ELDER: Your mind must be finely tuned, the frequencies covering the surface of the Sense-Sphere are numerous. You must be able to break in on the major ones. BARBARA: Well I can't, do you mind if I try your invention? (The Scientist bows, and hands Barbara his thought amplification device.) FIRST-ELDER: Hold it to your forehead, and try to close your mind to everything but the person to whom you wish to communicate. It is safe, provided you do not allow your concentration to slip. BARBARA: Alright. Susan, let's try a little experiment. SUSAN: Right. (Barbara presses the disc to her head and the whistling tone starts up. Over in the corner of the room, Susan stands with her hands to her head listening out. She smiles and walks over to the model of the aqueduct and points.) SUSAN: The entrance to the aqueduct is there. (Barbara removes the TAD from her forehead.) BARBARA: It works! (Susan giggles.) BARBARA: Well there's no point in delaying, as soon as John and I reach the entrance you start directing us. Alright? SUSAN: Right. Carol'll be here to help me. BARBARA: Good. (Barbara hesitates a moment on her way out.) BARBARA: Oh by the way, I would like one of your warriors left here with Susan. SUSAN: Yes, one that you trust implicitly. FIRST-ELDER: I trust all Sensorites, you will be guarded safely. SUSAN: Thank you. Please find them Barbara. (Barbara nods and leaves.) FIRST-ELDER: A very capable human being. SUSAN: Yes, she is. FIRST-ELDER: Gentle, yet with strong determination and courage. (The first Elder and Susan both talk over each other.) FIRST-ELDER: I was about to... SUSAN: I was going to... (And then fall silent for a moment.) SUSAN: I... I-I was going to say: why do you trust your people? FIRST-ELDER: Why do you want to make me doubt them? SUSAN: But trust can't be taken for granted, it must be earned. I trust you, but only because I know you. FIRST-ELDER: But Susan, our whole life is based on trust. SUSAN: Yes, and that might be your downfall. Look, you don't trust the ground you walk on until you know it is firm, do you? (The first Elder shakes his head.) SUSAN: So why trust your people blindly? FIRST-ELDER: When I listen to you, you who are so young among your own kind, I realise that we Sensorites have a lot to learn from the people of Earth. SUSAN: Well Grandfather and I don't come from Earth. Oh, it's ages since we've seen our planet. It's quite like Earth, but at night the sky is a burnt orange; and the leaves on the trees are bright silver... (She smiles at the thought.) FIRST-ELDER: My mind tells me that wish to see your home again, and yet there is a part of you which calls for adventure. A wanderlust. SUSAN: Yes. Well, we'll all go home someday, that's if you'll let us. FIRST-ELDER: I think I will. I hope all of you will be able to. [SCENE_BREAK] 10, INT: SUBTERRANEAN CHANNEL (Ian and the Doctor are deep underground in the oldest section of the aqueduct. The tunnels all look the same run down condition, with only the increasing frigidity of the air to indicate their steady descend into the bowels of the Sense-sphere.) IAN: Could be going around in circles you know. DOCTOR: Oh no, my boy. No no-no-no. (He pulls out a piece of chalk and scribbles on a pipe.) DOCTOR: I'm marking the intersections of the pipes. (Ian stands and listens to the gentle thrumming of the water.) IAN: Uncanny. DOCTOR: Mm? IAN: It's so quiet. DOCTOR: Yeah. (He chuckles to himself.) DOCTOR: Perhaps they're preparing an ambush? (He guffaws.) IAN: And you're a cheerful soul, I must say. DOCTOR: I assure you my dear boy, my spirits couldn't be higher! Collecting evidence, circumstantial and otherwise. (Ian looks across the tunnel and spots a bearded face staring at them with a slightly odd gaze. The owner wears a tatty uniform and carries a large sharpened stake.) IAN: Doctor... DOCTOR: Calculating it, pursuing it until it's inevitable end - it's fascinating! IAN: Doctor! DOCTOR: Oh don't interrupt my dear boy, it's most irritating! (The Doctor squints into the tunnel in the opposite direction and notices another figure cutting off any potential escape, dressed and armed in an identical manner to the first.) DOCTOR: Chesterton! IAN: I know, I've been trying to tell you. DOCTOR: Yes... It's alright, let's back up the passage and jump out on them. (The Doctor walks back a step and accidentally collides with Ian.) IAN: You were right about the ambush weren't you? DOCTOR: Yes. Don't do anything to alarm them. (Slowly the bedraggled figures advance from both directions clutching their stakes, as they begin to realise that the Doctor and Ian are no immediate threat to them. The lead figure scrutinizes Ian with an wild glint in his eyes.) NUMBER ONE: You have come at last! DOCTOR: We came to find you. IAN: That's right. NUMBER TWO: Watch them number One! (Number One moves to the Doctor.) NUMBER ONE: We have been waiting for you. Are they all dead? DOCTOR: Dead? IAN: The Sensorites, you mean? NUMBER ONE: Yes, the Sensorites. Do you have a spaceship? DOCTOR: Yes. NUMBER ONE: Are there more of you? IAN: No. NUMBER TWO: No others in the channels at all? You... (He glances around nervously.) NUMBER TWO: You haven't brought the Sensorites with you? IAN: No! DOCTOR: Wouldn't you like to leave these tunnels and go out into the sunshine again? (The figure recoils shaking his head.) NUMBER ONE: No, they would hear our minds talking! Follow me, he is going to talk to you! DOCTOR: Yes, I thought there'd be a third. NUMBER ONE: Yes, the Commander - you'll have to talk to him. Follow me. (The Doctor and Ian are escorted through the tunnels.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: AQUEDUCT ENTRANCE (John and Barbara stand by the entrance and Barbara presses the TAD to her forehead.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: LABORATORY (Susan stands with her hands to her head concentrating as she listens to the whistling channels of thought.) SUSAN: They're entering to the aqueduct now. Oh, she's a little indistinct. RICHMOND: Well tell her to speak to you, you do the same. SUSAN: Alright. Barbara, speak the words as you think them. (She listens for another moment.) SUSAN: Oh that's better. [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: AQUEDUCT ENTRANCE BARBARA: Yes alright Susan. (She removes the TAD from her forehead.) BARBARA: We're to go straight ahead to start with, and then keep turning to the right. JOHN: Right, I'll lead. [SCENE_BREAK] 14, INT: LABORATORY SUSAN: They're beginning now. [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: SUBTERRANEAN CHANNEL NUMBER ONE: You give us your word you are alone? DOCTOR: Oh yes, definitely. (They continue on their way.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16, INT: CHANNEL MOUTH BARBARA: There's something here. (He stoops to pick something up.) JOHN: This is the Doctor's map alright. I remember the senior Scientist drawing it in the labo...laboratory. BARBARA: But it's all screwed up, they must have realised it was useless. JOHN: Let's move on. Shall we take it with us? BARBARA: Yes, we'll need it as proof that the maps were tampered with. [SCENE_BREAK] 17, INT: SUBTERRANEAN CHANNEL (The Doctor and Ian are led along a passage at stakepoint.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18, INT: LABORATORY FIRST-ELDER: How are they progressing? SUSAN: Oh they haven't found them yet. RICHMOND: Well at least they found the maps. SUSAN: Oh, Barbara's talking to me again. [SCENE_BREAK] 19, INT: AQUEDUCT JOHN: No doubt about it. BARBARA: John says this is a fresh mark, probably made by the Doctor. We're going to try and follow these marks Susan, so instead of you directing us, we're going to tell you what route we're going to take. (She removes the TAD from her forehead.) JOHN: Let's hope they were made by the Doctor, that's all. (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20, INT: SUBTERRANEAN CHANNEL (As they pass, the Doctor chalks a mark on a nearby pipe and grins.) DOCTOR: In case we have to make a run for it, my dear boy. IAN: I'm glad you're on my side, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 21, INT: LABORATORY SUSAN: That's right Barbara. (Susan points to the model.) SUSAN: She's going down this channel now. FIRST-ELDER: And no harm has come to them yet? SUSAN: Oh no. FIRST-ELDER: Perhaps the Doctor and Ian are chasing the creatures in the aqueduct? SUSAN: Or they've been captured. [SCENE_BREAK] 22, INT: SUBTERRANEAN CHANNEL NUMBER ONE: Wait here. (He wanders into a small chamber hewn into the soft rock beneath one of the pipes.) NUMBER ONE: The new arrivals are here Commander. (Another shaggy unkempt figure returns with number One, and regard the new arrivals.) COMMANDER: This is the best news I've had in quite some time, I'm very glad to see you both. (He shakes hands with the Doctor and Ian as if he were hosting an astronaut convention.) COMMANDER: Did you have a rough journey? (The Doctor and Ian look a little bemused and the Doctor glances at Ian.) COMMANDER: Yes, I'm sure you must have done. Let us have something to sit down on number One. They are very rough quarters here, you'll have to excuse that, but I'm sure you are both used to battle stations by now. DOCTOR: Yes. COMMANDER: Excuse me. (He strides confidently over to his subordinate.) COMMANDER: Number Two, you can take over ammunition detail now, you'll find the new ammunition supplies all ready. Pipe it into number seven this time. Alright? Carry on. (Casting a dubious glance at the Doctor and Ian, Two moves off to carry out his order. The Commander walks back to One.) COMMANDER: Number One, organise a lecture for number Two will you? (Number Two cowers a little.) COMMANDER: Saluting isn't for me you understand, it's the uniform. (Number one doesn't move.) COMMANDER: Understood?! NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. (Number one slowly lollops away like a lame old war horse.) COMMANDER: Have to keep the discipline up, you know. But they're all good men, very fine. Morale's very high here. Sit down. (The Doctor and Ian sit, and Commander stares at his two guests until Ian takes the initiative.) IAN: Well you... Have a very well ordered base here sir. COMMANDER: It's very good of you to say so. DOCTOR: We have a surprise for you. The war with the Sensorites is over. (The Commander gains a look of eager excitement, but his eyes never never lose the dangerous gleam of fanaticism.) COMMANDER: Is that true? DOCTOR: Oh yes. COMMANDER: And the planet's ours now is it? Completely? IAN: Completely. (The Commander smiles, basking in the glow of a victorious campaign.) COMMANDER: Well this is absolutely wonderful! (He lowers his voice conspiratorially.) COMMANDER: We nearly lost, you know. I had the command of a fine spaceship, very fine. Two of my men deserted; pretended they had to go back to Earth to get reinforcements. DOCTOR: So you had to blow up your spaceship? COMMANDER: Yes. Still, I'll be able to get another one. I'll be able to afford it now, planet's very rich you know. IAN: Yes, molybdenum. (The Commander stiffens up, the dangerous look returning to his face.) COMMANDER: Oh. You know about that do you? You do realise that this war has been fought by me and my men here? Any treasure trove is ours. DOCTOR: That's quite understandable isn't it Chester... COMMANDER: And I'm prepared to back that statement up with force if necessary! (He leaps to his feet.) COMMANDER: I have good supplies here, loyal men. Of course, but we're just discussing this, but you are alone aren't you? hardly in a position to fight me. And I have my men, and my organisation. (Number Two rushes in.) NUMBER ONE: Commander, warning in route two. COMMANDER: What?! (He glares furiously at The Doctor and Ian.) COMMANDER: Have you been telling me lies? You've brought other people with you, haven't you?! NUMBER ONE: Perhaps they're really allies of the Sensorites! COMMANDER: No, number One, not allies - spies! The war isn't over at all is it? I thought it was a bit too good to be true. IAN: Now just a minute, we knew nothing about this warning signal of yours... COMMANDER: No, of course you didn't, and it's tripped you up hasn't it?! Number One! There'll be a Court Martial immediately. Treason! IAN: Barbara! BARBARA: Ian! IAN: What on Earth are you doing here? BARBARA: The first Elder allowed me back. COMMANDER: What's going on? Who are these people? DOCTOR: I'm afraid you've misjudged us, sir. These people are part of the committee, here to welcome you. We all came down here to welcome you onto the surface. IAN: To celebrate your success, sir. BARBARA: What's going on? IAN: Play it cool. COMMANDER: And who is this? IAN: Er this, this is our navigator. She is going to lead us back. COMMANDER: Well... I'm glad the fighting's over. Look forward to a bit of a rest now, for a while. DOCTOR: Yes, you deserve it sir, and so do your men. And I think that the sooner we take you all out into the sunshine, the better. COMMANDER: Number One, assemble the men please. We'll be leaving immediately. It seems we have a...victory to celebrate. You might pass on my congratulations to the men, number One. NUMBER ONE: Thank you very much sir. COMMANDER: Shall we move then? (They all wander back along the shaft.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23, INT: AQUEDUCT ENTRANCE (The Warrior removes his TAD from his forehead and turns to a fellow officer.) WARRIOR: They are coming. You will take up your position just by the entrance there. When they have all come through you will step out and prevent anyone from escaping back into the aqueduct. Now take your place. (Number One and Two lead the way out, with Ian and Barbara at the rear. The Warrior holds up a hand-ray.) WARRIOR: It is useless to resist. (The survivors drop their stakes and walk through into the light.) IAN: Don't worry, I think we can handle these two. Come on Barbara. (The Commander rushes out, seeing his men meekly submitting. The Doctor follows, never taking his eyes off the Commander for a moment.) COMMANDER: Well come back here you men! (And attempts to run back into the tunnels, but a Sensorite has moved to block the entrance, and covers him with his weapon. In the other direction, the senior Warrior stands preventing any uncontrolled escape into the city.) COMMANDER: Treachery! DOCTOR: It's all over now. COMMANDER: Treachery! (The Commander rushes towards the senior Warrior, but crumples to the floor as he empties a quick energy blast into him.) DOCTOR: Pitiful fellow. Oh, I know he did your people incalculable harm... WARRIOR: I could have killed him. I wanted to, but that would not be the way, would it? DOCTOR: No. WARRIOR: He could have destroyed the entire Sensorite Nation. DOCTOR: Yes, but the fact is you didn't kill him. Shows great promise for the future of your people. [SCENE_BREAK] 24, INT: RECEPTION ROOM IAN: Captain Maitland has agreed to take the others back to Earth. BARBARA: They were completely insane. They really believed they were at war with you. FIRST-ELDER: At some time they must have opened their minds, or experimented with the mind-transmitters. Every really rational thought was crushed out, and all they had left was the game they played; the game of war. BARBARA: What about the Second Elder? FIRST-ELDER: You finding the map proves his treachery. He will be banished to the outer wastes. IAN: Well, I think we must go back to the ship sir. FIRST-ELDER: Yes you must go. The lock has already been sealed back in it's proper place. So go your way now, and take the gratitude of the Sensorites with you. IAN: Thank you. BARBARA: Goodbye. [SCENE_BREAK] 25, INT: TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM (The reassuring living hum of the TARDIS console reverberates through the chamber like an electronic pulse. Against a roundelled wall stands a mahogany plinth, upon which rests the prototype armillary sphere which was a present from Eratosthenes. The Doctor leans on the console fidgeting impatiently. Beside him, Susan twirls a strand of her hair around a finger with a glum expression on her face.) DOCTOR: Where are those other two, Hmm? SUSAN: Oh, they're coming. DOCTOR: What's the matter my child? SUSAN: I had a talk with the senior Scientist just before we left. It seems that the Sense-sphere has an extraordinary number of ultra-high frequencies, so I won't be able to go on using thought transference. DOCTOR: Hoh-ho, it's rather a relief I think. After all, no-one likes an eavesdropper about do they? No I think you obviously have a gift in that direction and when we get home to our own place I think we should try and perfect it, mm? SUSAN: When will we get back Grandfather? DOCTOR: I don't know my dear, this old ship of mine seems to be an aimless thing. However, we don't worry about it do we? Do you? SUSAN: Sometimes I feel I'd like to belong somewhere; not just be a wanderer... (She smiles up at her Grandfather.) SUSAN: Still, I'm not unhappy. (The Doctor gives her an affectionate squeeze.) DOCTOR: Good, good. (Ian and Barbara walk through the doors.) IAN: Well, here we are. DOCTOR: Oh at last! I very nearly went off without you! BARBARA: We were saying goodbye to John and Carol. DOCTOR: Hah, let's have a look at Maitland and see him off shall we? (Just having been gently evacuated from a nearby airlock by two friendly Sensorites, the TARDIS crew is able to gaze at the image of a departing rocketship on the TARDIS scanner.) IAN: Well, at least they know where they're going. (The Doctor glares at Ian, his eyes like gimlets.) DOCTOR: Implying I don't? IAN: I didn't mean anything of the sort! DOCTOR: So, you think I'm an incompetent old fool do you? IAN: Now Doctor, I never said that! DOCTOR: Since you are so dissatisfied my boy, you can get off this ship. And the very next place we stop I shall take you off myself, and that is quite final! (Ian and Barbara exchange a worried glance as the Doctor motions to Susan who is waiting silently by the coordinate selector panel.) DOCTOR: Carry on!

The Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Susan arrive in the TARDIS on board aspaceship. Their initial concern is for the ship's human crew, who are suffering from telepathic interference from the Sensorites, but Susan communicates with the Sensorites and finds the aliens fear an attack by the humans and are just defending themselves. Travelling to the Sense Sphere (the Sensorites' planet) the Doctor seeks to cure an illness to which the Sensorites and Ian have succumbed, but finds it has been caused by deliberate poisoning. The political manoeuvring of the Sensorite City Administrator poses another threat to the TARDIS crew as he seeks to discredit and implicate them.

fd_Downton_Abbey_02x05

fd_Downton_Abbey_02x05_0

[OPENING CREDITS] [SCENE_BREAK] Amiens, 1918 [INT. BATTLEFRONT TRENCHES - MORNING] [William finishes helping Matthew dress.] Matthew Crawley: Am I ready? William: Only you can answer that, sir. Matthew Crawley: They're going to chuck everything they've got at us. William: Then we shall have to chuck it back, won't we, sir? Matthew Crawley: Quite right. [Matthew grabs his helmet and they head out. The men in the trenches read letters from home, smoke, and pray.] Matthew Crawley: Now, there's no point pretending this is going to be easy! [Matthew turns to a soldier standing next to him.] Matthew Crawley: How are you, Thompson? You've shaken that cold? Thompson: I'm all right, sir, thank you. Matthew Crawley: Good man. We're nearly there, chaps! Just hold fast! Won't be long now. Wakefield: We're with you, sir. Matthew Crawley: I know you are, Wakefield. I can't tell you how much lighter that makes the task. [Matthew holds his watch, waiting as the seconds tick down.] Matthew Crawley: [?] Officer: Make bayonets! [The soldiers pull out the bayonets and fix them on their gun barrels. Matthew blows a whistle and the men climb out of the trenches yelling as they charge the enemy. Soldiers fall from gunshots and bombshells.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON, KITCHENS - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Suddenly we're in the Downton kitchens. Daisy stands frozen for a moment at the stove.] Mrs Patmore: Daisy, what's ever the matter with you? Daisy: Someone walked over me grave. [Mrs Patmore rolls her eyes and walks off with a pot.] [SCENE_BREAK] [The battle continues on the front.] Matthew Crawley: Forward! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DONWTON, LIBRARY - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [We're back in the Downton library. Mary swoons and drops her teacup.] Lady Mary: I'm so sorry. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: What happened? Lady Mary: I don't know. I suddenly felt terribly cold. [SCENE_BREAK] [Back at the front, the British continue to advance. Matthew and William briefly find shelter in a dirt crater.] William: I won't be sorry when this one's over! [They climb out of the crater just as a bombshell flies towards them.] William: Sir! [William jumps in front of Matthew. The bomb explodes and they fall back into the crater. The troops continue to advance and the Germans surrender. William and Matthew lie unconscious in the crater, William draped over Matthew's legs and torso.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [The door opens into the dark room. O'Brien comes in with a lamp and tugs Cora awake.] O'Brien: My lady. My lady, wake up. Robert, Earl of Grantham: What on earth? O'Brien: You better come downstairs. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT] Mr Molesley: I didn't know what else to do when I saw the telegram. I knew it was urgent. So, I hope it was right. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Quite right. Mrs Crawley won't mind my opening it. The main thing is, he's not dead. Not yet, anyway. "We have patched him up. They're bringing him to the hospital in Downton." Cora, Countess of Grantham: When do they think he'll get here? Robert, Earl of Grantham: It doesn't say. Cora, Countess of Grantham: But how do we contact Isobel? And how will she get back? Robert, Earl of Grantham: One thing at a time. I'll ring the war office in the morning. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Maybe they know she's out there. Perhaps she's with him now. Robert, Earl of Grantham: They wouldn't have sent a telegram here, and she'd have rung. No, it's the usual bulls-usual mess up, I'm afraid. Mr Carson: Ahem. Beg pardon, my lord. But we're all very anxious to know the news. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Yes, of course. [Robert walks over to the door where the servants are gathered.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: It appears that a few days ago, Captain Crawley was wounded. It's serious, I'm afraid, but he's alive and on his way home to the hospital in the village. Mrs Hughes: Where there's life, there's hope. Daisy: What about William? Is he all right? Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'll find out what I can tomorrow. I'm not sure there's much more we can do tonight. Mr Bates: William's father would have had a telegram if anything had happened. Lady Edith: I'll drive over in the morning. [Robert nods to Carson and everyone leaves. Mary goes to her father.] Lady Mary: Whatever you discover, tell me. Don't keep anything back. [Robert kisses Mary's cheek and she leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COURTYARD - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna walks into the courtyard where Bates is shining shoes.] Anna: Lady Edith's back. William was caught in it. He's gone to some hospital in Leeds. Mr Bates: I'm very sorry. Anna: I might've known. We couldn't be the only household left untouched. Mr Bates: Will he come through it? Anna: Her Ladyship said it sounded bad, but we don't know more than that. Can you walk with me to the church this afternoon? Mr Bates: If you want me to. Anna: Because I'd like to say a prayer for them. For both of them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY] Dr Clarkson: We only cater for officers. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Dr Clarkson, I am no Jacobean revolutionary, nor do I seek to overthrow the civilised world. We just need one bed for a young man from this village. Dr Clarkson: And if it were within my power, you should have it. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Sir, you don't understand. William's father cannot afford to leave his farm and move to Leeds. Dr Clarkson: I'm very sorry. Really. But this is a military hospital, and it's not up to me to challenge the order of things. Lady Edith: I'll nurse him. I'm happy to do it. It wouldn't add to your work load. Dr Clarkson: If I were to break the rule for you, how many others do you think would come forward to plead for their sons? The answer is, and must be, "no". [Violet and Edith leave the hospital.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: It always happens. When you give these little people power, it goes to their heads like strong drink. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] Thomas: I'm sorry for him. I am. I don't mind Captain Crawley. He's a better man than most of them. O'Brien: And William, too. He's not a bad lad, whatever you say. I wish I'd not written that letter to Bates's wife telling her he's back here. Thomas: What's that got to do with it? O'Brien: With everything else going on, I know she'll come up here and make trouble. Thomas: Don't blame me, it wasn't my idea. [Daisy comes in with some food.] O'Brien: Any news? Daisy: Only that the doctor won't let William come to the village. O'Brien: He never. Daisy: It's for officers only, he says. Mrs Patmore: His poor father's staying there with him, spending money he's not got, and travelling miles to do it. Daisy: It's not right. Thomas: No, it bloody well isn't. [Everyone stares at him.] Thomas: Well, I'm a working-class lad and so is he, and I get fed up seeing how our lot always gets shafted. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary rifles through her sewing kit.] Lady Mary: I thought I'd take some things down to the hospital. Then I can wait and sit with him when he arrives. I've read somewhere that it's very important not to leave them alone when they're first wounded so no sign goes unnoticed. They can't spare a nurse to watch over every man, so that's what I can do. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Your mother's written to Lavinia. Lady Mary: Good. Yes. I'm glad someone's thought of that. She must stay here and not be at Isobel's by herself. [Surprised by her composed reaction, Robert regards Mary.] Lady Mary: What? [Robert realises his daughter really loves Matthew, enough to accept giving him up to Lavinia.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - DAY] Mr Bates: You should've had a church wedding. Anna: Don't be silly. Mr Bates: No, I mean it. You in a white dress, me looking like a fool. Anna: I'd rather have the right man that the right wedding. Mr Bates: Well, it won't be long now. Anna: How long? Mr Bates: Hard to say. But don't worry, the decree [?] means we're safe. The decree absolute's only formality. I'm just sorry it costs so much. Anna: She could've had my shoes and the shirt off my back if it would only make her go away for good. Mr Bates: She's gone now. Anna: I suppose I could feel guilty in my happiness, knowing the troubles they're all facing back at home. But, in another way, it only makes me more grateful. Let's pray. Let's pray together. [They approach and kneel on the bench and hold hands for a moment before they turn to the altar and pray.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Mrs Patmore: Don't worry. The old lady'll sort something out now she's got the bit between her teeth. Daisy: I'm not worried. Not in that way. I feel sorry for William, that's all. Mrs Patmore: Well, of course you do. We all do. I expect you're glad now that you let him have his little daydream. Daisy: No, I'm not glad. I feel I've led him up the garden path with all that nonsense, and I'm ashamed. I'm so ashamed. [Daisy starts to cry.] Mrs Patmore: Oh. Shh. [Vera Bates enters.] Vera Bates: Hello. Mrs Patmore: Mrs Bates, isn't it? Well, what do you want? Vera Bates: Don't sound inhospitable, Mrs Patmore, when I've only ever known a welcome in this house. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OUTER HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Violet shouts awkwardly into the telephone.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Yes! Ye-- the minister! Do-- Well, how many Marcuses of Flincher are there? Y-- Wha-- (aside to Edith) Is this an instrument of communication or torture? (into the phone) Well-- Hello? D-- Shrimpy? Y-- It's Aunt Violet! Y-- Very well, very-- Y-- And Susan? Y-- Oh, well g-- good. Good-- I won't beat about the bush, dear. Who might we know on the board of Leeds General Infirmary? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - DAY] Vera Bates: Excuse me! It is not settled. It wasn't settled by me that you'd come back here and take up with your floozy again. As far as I recall, that was never settled. Anna: How did you find out he was here? Vera Bates: Wouldn't you like to know. Mr Bates: What does it matter? Just say what you want. Spit it out. Vera Bates: You thought you got the better of me, but you were wrong. Mr Bates: I never th-- Vera Bates: I'm going to sell my story anyway about Lady Mary, about the Turkish gentleman, about Miss Smith here. Anna: That's got nothing to do with me Vera Bates: Well, that's not what I heard. Mr Bates: You gave your word. I gave you the money and you gave me your word. Vera Bates: Well, guess what? I was lying. Mr Bates: If I hadn't come back to Downton, back to Anna, would you have stuck to our agreement? Vera Bates: Well, we'll never know now, will we? Mr Bates: You're angry because I'm happy. Vera Bates: Maybe. But you won't be happy long. [Vera leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GARAGE - DAY] Lady Sybil: Can you drive me to the hospital? Branson: Aren't you needed here? I've already taken Lady Mary down. Lady Sybil: I know. I want to be with her when Captain Crawley arrives. They can manage without me here for a while. Branson: Is she still in love with him? Lady Sybil: I don't want to talk about it. Branson: Why? Because I'm the chauffeur? Lady Sybil: No, because she's my sister. Branson: You're good at hiding your feelings, aren't you? All of you. Much better than we are. Lady Sybil: Perhaps. But we do have feelings and don't make the mistake of thinking we don't. [Sybil steps into the car angry and closes the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LEEDS GENERAL INFIRMARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Mason sits by his son's bedside.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: And has Lord Flincher's order been acted on? Doctor: It has. There's an ambulance waiting. Although, no one quite knows how you managed it. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: What exactly is the matter with him? Doctor: His body's sustained too much damage. He cannot recover. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But he looks so normal. Doctor: Appearances can be cruelly deceptive. The force of the blast has fatally injured his lungs. Lady Edith: But if he's lived this long... Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Would it make any difference if he stayed here? Or are you just making him as comfortable as can be? Doctor: That's it. There's nothing more we can do for him. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: So, you agree with our plan. Doctor: I don't know about you, but I'd rather die in a familiar place surrounded by familiar faces. [Mr Mason approaches.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: There you are, Mr Mason. [Mason salutes her.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: It seems we have everything settled. We'll be away before long. Mr Mason: He'll be forced to do better, if we can just get him back to where he knows. I feel sure of it. Doctor: I shouldn't-- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Shouldn't worry too much. We'll know much more when he's rested. Mr Mason: I'm very grateful, milady. To both of you. Lady Edith: Let's get him ready. [Edith and Mr Mason walk over to William. The doctor looks at Violet.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: See, sometimes we must let the blow fall by degrees. Give him time to find the strength to face it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WARD - DAY] Dr Clarkson: Right. They're here. Lady Sybil: May I stay to settle him in? Dr Clarkson: Very well. Lady Mary: I want to help, too. Dr Clarkson: Lady Mary, I appreciate your good intentions, but I'm concerned that Captain Crawley's condition may be very distressing for you. Might I suggest that you hang back until the nurses have tidied him up a little? Lady Mary: I'm not much good at hanging back, I'm afraid. I won't get in your way, I promise. But I will stay. You have volunteers, don't you? Well, that's what I am. A volunteer. Dr Clarkson: All right. Everyone to their posts! Lady Sybil (to Mary): You stand there. Dr Clarkson: Yes, this gentleman's second in. Nurse: Yes, Doctor. [Mary stares at Matthew as they bring him in.] Dr Clarkson: Number two, Nurse Crawley, here. Yes. Yes, just here. Gently, gently, gently. Lady Sybil: Yes, sir. Take him under his feet. [Mary, Sybil, and a stretcher bearer lift Matthew onto the hospital bed.] Lady Sybil: Cousin Matthew, can you hear me? Stretcher Bearer: He's breathing, but he's not been conscious since we've had him. We filled him full of morphine . Lady Sybil: (nods) Thank you. [Mary looks at the card attached to Matthew's shirt.] Lady Sybil: What does it say? Lady Mary: Probable spinal damage. [They exchange a worried look.] Lady Sybil: It could mean anything. We'll know more in the morning. [Sybil picks up Matthew's uniform and Mary's stuffed dog falls out.] Lady Sybil: What's this doing here? Lady Mary: I gave it to him for luck. He was probably carrying it when he fell. Lady Sybil: If only it had worked. Lady Mary: He's alive, isn't he? Lady Sybil: I should wash him. This bit can be grim. Sometimes we have to cut off the clothes they've travelled in, and there's bound to be a lot of blood. Lady Mary: (nods) How hot should the water be? Lady Sybil: Warm more than hot. And bring some towels. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy peers through a window at the stretcher bearers carrying William into a bedroom.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' STAIRCASE - DAY] Thomas: You should never have told her Bates was here. O'Brien: Don't I know it. And she was even worse after she'd seen him than before, ranting on about a scandal that would bring the roof down on the house of Grantham. Silly [?]. Thomas: What scandal? O'Brien: I thought she'd just come up and take a bite out of Bates. That's what it sounded like. Thomas: Then you should've asked more questions. You know what they say, the devil is in the detail. O'Brien: I'm not standing by while she brings misery and ruin on my lady. Thomas: You started it. O'Brien: Oh, yes, you're very important, aren't you? Very know-it-all with all of us at your beck and call. Thomas: I'm sorry if you're angry, but don't take it out on me. You did it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - EVENING] Lady Mary: Whom is she going to sell it to? Anna: She didn't say. Just that there was nothing we could do to stop her. Mr Bates has given her every last penny to keep her quiet, but she's tricked him, and now he's got nothing left to bargain with. Lady Mary: Well, we both know what I must do. Anna: But how can you ask Sir Richard for help without telling him the truth? Lady Mary: I'd rather he heard it from my lips that read it over his breakfast. Anna: Suppose he won't do anything? Suppose he throws you over? Lady Mary: That's a risk I'll have to take. I'll go up to London tomorrow afternoon. It's a request that demands to be made in person. Anna: What about Mr Matthew? Lady Mary: Miss Swire will be here to keep him company. I think I can take some time off to save my own neck. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith tends to William.] Lady Edith: Why don't you go home now, Mr Mason? We'll see you tomorrow. Mr Mason: Are you sure you don't mind sitting up with him? Lady Edith: He won't be alone. Not for a moment. I promise. Mr Mason: He looks so perfect, lying there. [Mr Mason leaves.] Mrs Patmore: But he does look perfect. Are you sure they've got it right? Lady Edith: I'm afraid so. If only I weren't. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WARD - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert peeks in on Dr Clarkson's examination of Matthew's spine. Mary stands inside the screens, watching.] Dr Clarkson: Do you feel that? Matthew Crawley: (nods) Mm-hmm. Dr Clarkson: What about that? Matthew Crawley: No. [Robert opens the screen and Mary looks up and sees Lavinia across the room.] Dr Clarkson: And that? Mm? Matthew Crawley: No, nothing. Dr Clarkson: Nothing at all? [Mary and Robert go to Lavinia and Mary smiles comfortingly at her as she takes her hands and kisses her cheek.] Lavinia: Do they know any more yet? Lady Mary: They're examining him now. Lavinia: So he's conscious? Lady Mary: Just about. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Have they found out what happened? Lady Mary: A shell landed near them. The explosion threw Matthew against something. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Go on. Lady Mary: Dr Clarkson thinks...there may be trouble with his legs. [Dr Clarkson joins them.] Dr Clarkson: Not good news, I'm afraid. I'd say the spinal cord has been transected. That it is permanently damaged. Robert, Earl of Grantham: You mean he won't walk again? Dr Clarkson: If I'm right, then no, he won't. [Lavinia starts crying and Robert puts a comforting arm around her shoulders.] Dr Clarkson: It's a shock, of course, and you must be allowed to grieve, but I would only say that he will, in all likelihood, regain his health. This is not the end of his life. Lady Mary: Just the start of a different life. Dr Clarkson: Exactly. Lord Grantham, I wonder if I might have a word. [Robert steps into the corridor with Dr Clarkson and Mary steps forward to comfort Lavinia.] Lavinia: Have you got a handkerchief? I never seem to have one in a moment of crisis. [Mary hands her one.] Lavinia: Thank you. [In the corridor.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: You mean there can be no children? Dr Clarkson: No anything, I'm afraid. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But isn't there a chance that might change? Dr Clarkson: The sexual reflex is controlled at a lower level of the spine to the motor function of the legs. Once the latter is cut off, so is the former. [Meanwhile, Lavinia is recovering.] Lavinia: Right. [Lavinia walks bravely toward the screens around Matthew and Robert returns as Mary makes a step toward them.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Give them a moment together. [Mary nods.] Lady Mary: What was Clarkson saying? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Nothing to worry you about. [Lavinia steps into the screens. Matthew smiles.] Matthew Crawley: My darling. [She sits in a chair next to him.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes picks up a basket and gets onto a bus. She arrives at a house and knocks on the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ETHEL'S HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Ethel takes food out of the basket Mrs Hughes bought, a baby in her other arm.] Mrs Hughes: If he could only see the child. Ethel: He won't. I've written again and again. I've offered to bring him to any place he wants. Mrs Hughes: I wasn't going to tell you this, but he's coming on a visit this week to see his old pals. Ethel: Help me, Mrs Hughes. Let me come to Downton and show him the baby! Mrs Hughes: Oh, certainly not! I won't have that. Ethel: Well, then ask him to meet me! I know he'd listen to you. I'll give you a letter. One more can't hurt. Make him read it in front of you. Mrs Hughes: I--I'll do no such thing. Ethel: But please! Mrs Hughes: He'd say it was none of my business, and he'd be right. Besides, don't think I approve of what you've done, because I don't. Ethel: Haven't you ever made a mistake? Mrs Hughes: Not on this scale. No, I have not. Sorry to disappoint you. Ethel: So, you won't do anything? Mrs Hughes: I'm feeding you out of the house, quite wrongly, I might add. I have a good mind to stop that. Ethel: No, I'm the one who's sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Patmore ushers Daisy down the corridor to William's guest bedroom.] Mrs Patmore: Now, go in. Daisy: I don't know what to say. Mrs Patmore: It doesn't matter. He's dying. Just say nice, warm, comforting things. Make him feel loved. You don't have to be Shakespeare. [Mrs Patmore pushes Daisy into the room.] William: There she is. Come over here where I can see you. [William holds out his hand and Daisy takes it.] William: [?] worth it if I get to hold your hand. Daisy: Don't be daft. William: I've never slept in a room as big as this. Where are we? Lady Edith: At the end of the south gallery. Now take this. [Edith hands William a tonic.] William: Any news of Captain Crawley? Lady Edith: He's doing much better. Thanks to you. [William drinks the tonic.] William: Dad'll be here in a bit. Can you stay for a minute? Daisy: I ought to go down. It's not fair on Mrs Patmore. Lady Edith: She won't mind. William: Because I did want to ask you something. Daisy, would you ever marry me now and not wait for the end of the war like we said? Lady Edith: You mustn't worry about all that for the moment now, William. You're here for rest, not excitement. Daisy: That's right. There's no need to worry about it now. First let's get you better. William: But would you think about it? Daisy: I must go. They'll be sending out a search party soon. Just rest. [William nods and Daisy leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes looks over an applicant's paperwork.] Mrs Hughes: It would be very unusual. Jane Moorsum: I know that. Of course it would. But I believe I could make it work. Mrs Hughes: And if your child were ill? Jane Moorsum: My mother knows what she's doing. She's brought up five of her own. Mrs Hughes: Even so-- Jane Moorsum: And they're only in the village. Mrs Hughes: I'll discuss it with Mr Carson. There's nothing wrong with your references. But of course, they are from before you were married. Jane Moorsum: I'm a good worker. And I must earn. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WARD - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew lies in bed, his eyes closed. He sees Mary calling to him in his mind, blue sky behind her at Downton Abbey.] Lady Mary: Matthew. Matthew. [Matthew opens his eyes and sees Mary sitting at his bedside.] Lady Mary: Are you feeling a bit less groggy? Matthew Crawley: Where's Lavinia? Lady Mary: She's gone back to unpack. Matthew Crawley: How's William? I know he tried to save me. Lady Mary: He isn't too good, I'm afraid. Matthew Crawley: Any sign of Mother? Lady Mary: Not yet. But I'm sure she's making her way back by now. Matthew Crawley: I've still got this funny thing with my legs, I can't seem to move them. Or feel them, now that I think about it. Did Clarkson mention what that might be? Lady Mary: Why don't we wait for Lavinia? And then we can all talk about it. Matthew Crawley: Tell me. Lady Mary: You've not even been here for twenty-four hours. Nothing will have settled down yet. Matthew Crawley: Tell me. Lady Mary: He says you may have damaged your spine. Matthew Crawley: How long will it take to repair? Lady Mary: You can't expect them to put timings on that sort of thing. Matthew Crawley: But he did say it would get better? Lady Mary: He says the first task is to rebuild your health, and that's what we have to concentrate on. Matthew Crawley: I see. Lady Mary: And he says there was no reason why you should not have a perfectly full and normal life. Matthew Crawley: Just not a very mobile one. Lady Mary: Would you like some tea? I would. [Mary gets up from her chair.] Matthew Crawley: Thank you for telling me. I know I'm...blubbing, but I mean it. I'd much rather know. Thank you. Lady Mary: Blub all you like. And then, when Lavinia's here, you can make plans. [Mary starts crying as she leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes takes a breath and then approaches Major Bryant who is sitting down to cards.] Mrs Hughes: Major, might I have a word? [The Major makes a "yeesh! what could that be?" expression to his friends and follows her to the front hall.] Major Bryant: What is it? Mrs Hughes: I have something for you. [Byrant looks at the handwriting of his name on the letter she holds out, but doesn't take it.] Major Bryant: Thank you. Mrs Hughes: I wish you would read it. Major Bryant: Do you know who wrote it? Mrs Hughes: Yes, I do. And I know how anxious she is for an answer. Major Bryant: All due respect, I don't beliebe it's any of your concern. Mrs Hughes: If you'd only s-- [She waits for a nurse to pass out of earshot.] Mrs Hughes: If you'd only see the child. He's a lovely wee chap. Major Bryant: Mrs Hughes, the last thing I'd wish to be is rude, but in this case, I really must be left to my own devices. Now, I'll say goodbye. It's time I was making tracks. Mrs Hughes: Goodbye then, Major. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CARLISLE'S NEWSPAPER OFFICE - DAY] Sir Richard Carlisle: Who'd've thought it? The cold and careful Lady Mary Crawley. Well, we know better now. I'm surprised you haven't given me some extenuating circumstances. Lady Mary: I have none. I was foolish, and I was paid out for my folly. Sir Richard Carlisle: And when I've saved you - if I can - do you still expect me to marry you, knowing this? Lady Mary: It's not for me to say. Sir Richard Carlisle: Of course, we both know that if we marry, people - your people - will think you've conferred a great blessing on me. My house will welcome the finest in the land, my children will carry noble blood in their veins. But that won't be the whole story, will it? Not anymore. [Mary stands up.] Lady Mary: Sir Richard, if you think it pains me to ask this favour, you'd be right. But I have no choice if I am not to be an object of ridicule and pity. If you wish to break off our understanding, I'll accept your decision. After all, it's never been announced. We may dissolve it with the minimum of discomfort. Sir Richard Carlisle: Forgive me, I don't mean to offend you. I'm simply paying you the compliment of being honest. No, in many ways, if I can manage to bring it off, this will mean we come to the marriage on slightly more equal terms. I think that pleases me. Lady Mary: So you'll do it? Sir Richard Carlisle: I'll try to do it, yes. Lady Mary: You must act fast. Sir Richard Carlisle: I'll send a card for her as soon as you've left. Lady Mary: Please let me know what it costs. I'll find a way to reimburse you. [Richard takes her hand.] Sir Richard Carlisle: Nevermind that. As my future wife, you're entitled to be in my debt. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Mr Carson: We've a bit of a conundrum, my lord. As you may know, we're short of a housemaid. We've had an application from a local woman Jane Moorsum, but she's married and she has a child, a son. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, surely her husband should be-- Mr Carson: She's a widow, my lord. The late Mr Moorsum died on the Somme. There's no other earner, so she has to look for work. I said I would ask you. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, if Mrs Hughes agrees, I think we must do what we can for the widows of our defenders. Mr Carson: Very good, Your Lordship. [Cora enters as Carson's leaving.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: What was that? Robert, Earl of Grantham: We're taking on a new maid. Cora, Countess of Grantham: He should've talked to me, not you. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, they thought you were too busy to be bothered with it. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I am busy. And that reminds me, I can come with you to the Townsends. You'll have to make some excuse. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But we gave them the date. Cora, Countess of Grantham: You'll think of something. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy and Mrs Patmore whisper together in a corner.] Daisy: You always said I wouldn't have to marry him when it came to it. Mrs Patmore: Daisy, he's dying. What difference does it make? Daisy: All the more reason. I can't lie to him at the end. Don't make me be false to a dying man. Mrs Patmore: Well, what matters now is that poor lad knows some peace and some happiness before he goes. Daisy: I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WARD - DAY] Lavinia: I don't care if you can't walk. You must think me very feeble if you believe that would make a difference. Matthew Crawley: I know it wouldn't. And I love you so much for saying it. But there's something else, which may not have occurred to you. This is very difficult. We can never be properly married. Lavinia: What? Of course we can be married. Matthew Crawley: Not properly. Lavinia: Oh. I see. Matthew Crawley: That's why I have to let you go. Lavinia: But...that side of things, it's not important to me, I promise. Matthew Crawley: My darling, it's-it's not important now, but-but it will be. I think it should be. And I couldn't possibly be responsible for stealing away the life you ought to have. Lavinia: I won't leave you. I know you think I'm weak, and I don't know what I'm taking on. Matthew Crawley: How could you? For God's sake. Lavinia: I'm not saying it'll be easy for either of us. But just because life isn't easy doesn't mean it isn't right. Matthew Crawley: I won't fight with you. But I won't steal away your life. Go home. Think of me as dead. Remember me as I was. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON GARAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson's reading the newspaper when Sybil walks up.] Lady Sybil: Mary's telephoned. She'll be on the late train. It gets in at eleven. Branson: All right. How's William? Lady Sybil: It's so sad. Edith's taking care of him, but there's nothing to be done. We're waiting, really. [Edith sees Branson staring off into space with a serious expression.] Lady Sybil: What is it? Branson: They shot the tsar, and all of his family. Lady Sybil: How terrible. Branson: I'm sorry. I'll not deny it. I never thought they'd do it. But sometimes a future needs terrible sacrifices. You thought that once. Lady Sybil: If you mean my politics, you know we've agreed to put that to one side until the war is won. Branson: Your lot did. But Sylvia Pankhurst was all for fighting on. Lady Sybil: Don't badger me, please! [Sybil begins to march off, but Branson grabs her waist and she stops in surprise. She meets his gaze and he lets go of her waist and puts his hands in his pockets.] Branson: Sometimes a hard sacrifice must be made for a future that's worth having. That's all I'm saying. That's up to you. [Sybil leans toward him and looks down at his lips. Surprised to see her reserve fading, Branson waits for her to give in, but she stops herself and pulls back. He sighs disappointedly as she walks back to the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CARLISLE'S NEWSPAPER OFFICE - DAY] Sir Richard Carlisle: You understand it would have to be exclusive. I couldn't have you peddling different versions of this story to my competitors. Vera Bates: Of course I understand. But I can't help it if they pick it up once you've published it. Sir Richard Carlisle: Indeed you can't. No more can I, but I would control the timing. You'd have to sign a binding contract to that effect today. Vera Bates: I expected that. Sir Richard Carlisle: And I warn you, I am unforgiving when anyone breaks a contract with me. One word out of place and you'd find yourself in court. Vera Bates: I expected that, too. But I'm curious, how did you hear about me? Sir Richard Carlisle: I know everything that goes on in this city. Vera Bates: And what's the hurry? Sir Richard Carlisle: I'm a newspaper man. When I hear of something good, I have to make sure of it straight away. I'm sorry if I rushed you. Vera Bates: Tha--that's all right. Sir Richard Carlisle: You must dislike the Crawleys very much to want to subject them to trial by scandal. Vera Bates: My husband works for them. We're not on good terms. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy absentmindedly sifts flour.] Mrs Patmore: How is he? Mrs Hughes: (sigh) His father's with him now and he seems to understand the situation. Mrs Patmore: Poor man. Mrs Hughes: Daisy, William's asking to see you. Daisy: I can't go. Don't make me go. Mrs Patmore: Do you care so little for him? Daisy: It's not that. I'm very fond of William, and I'm very sad, but I've led him on and led him on and made him think things that aren't true. Mrs Patmore: He wanted them to be true. He was happy to think they were true. Daisy: But that doesn't make it all right. Mrs Hughes: Shall I tell him you won't come? [Both Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore give Daisy a stern look. She takes off her apron and leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy enters. William's voice is hoarse.] William: Will you leave us a moment? [Mr Mason and Edith leave the room.] Daisy: There's no need to make 'em leave. William: There is a need. Come here. [Daisy sits in the chair next to his bed.] William: I know I'm dying. Daisy: You don't know-- William: I'm dying, Daisy. I'm not going to make it. I don't have long. That's why you've got to marry me. Daisy: What? William: No, listen. You'll be my widow. A war widow with a pension and rights. You'll be looked after. It won't be much, but I'll know you've got something to fall back on. Let me do that for you, please. Daisy: I can't. It would be dishonest. Almost like cheating. William: But it's not cheating. We love each other, don't we? We'd've married if I'd got through it, spent our whole lives together. Where's the dishonesty in that? [Mr Mason and Edith wait in the corridor. Edith enters the room when Daisy comes out.] Mr Mason: He's asked you, hasn't he? I knew he would. You'll do it, won't you? Daisy: I don't think he should be bothering about it now. Mr Mason: What else should he be bothered with? You're the most important thing on earth to him, Daisy. You wouldn't disappoint him, would you? Daisy: Suppose the vicar won't do it? He may want to wait till William's well enough to go to church. Mr Mason: But that time's not coming, is it? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAVINIA'S GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] Lady Mary: Lavinia? [Mary finds Lavinia crying in bed.] Lavinia: You're back. [Mary nods.] Lavinia: How did you get on? Lady Mary: All right, I think. How about you? Lavinia: Matthew's told me to go home. He says he won't see me again. He feels he has to set me free, as he put it. I've tried to tell him I don't care, but he won't listen. Lady Mary: Then you must keep telling him. Lavinia: Yes, but you see, it isn't just not walking. Today he told me we could never be lovers, because all that's gone as well. I didn't realise. It's probably obvious to anyone with a brain, but I didn't realise. Lady Mary: No. No, nor did I. [Mary sits on the bed as she tries to process this news.] Lavinia: And he feels it would be a crime to tie me down, to tie down any woman to the life of a childless nun. He thinks I'd hate him in the end. I'm sorry if I've shocked you, but there's no one else I could talk to about it, and when you came in, I-- Lady Mary: I'm not shocked. I'm just stunned. And desperately sad. Lavinia: I'll die if I can't be with him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert reads the newspaper.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Good God Almighty. "The engagement is announced between Lady Mary Josephine Crawley, eldest daughter of the Earl and Countess of Grantham, and Sir Richard Carlisle, son of Mr and the late Mrs Mark Carlisle of Morningside Edinburgh." Is this why you went to see him? Why didn't you say it'd be in today's paper? Lady Mary: I didn't know. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, surely he asked your permission? Lady Mary: I don't think asking permission is his strongest suit. Robert, Earl of Grantham: That's very high handed. You can't let him get away with it. Lady Edith: Well, it's done now. [Mr Carson steps forward.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: What is it? Mr Carson: William's wedding, my lord. If it can be arranged for this afternoon, the indoor staff would like to attend. Robert, Earl of Grantham: We don't yet know if Mr Travis will agree to do it. Mr Carson: I'm afraid he has very little time to make up his mind. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - MORNING] Reverend Travis: This boy is an extremist. How can we know that these are his true wishes? Maybe the kitchen maid somehow hopes to catch at an advantage. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, what advantage would that be? Reverend Travis: Some widow's dole given by a grateful nation? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mr Travis, can I remind you William Mason has served our family well. At the last, he saved the life, if not the health, of my son's heir. Now he wishes before he dies to marry his sweetheart. Reverend Travis: Yes, but- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You cannot imagine that we would allow you to prevent this happening in case his widow "claimed her dole". Reverend Travis: No, but-- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I have had an interest in this boy. I tried and failed to save him from conscription, but I will certainly attend his wedding. Is that an argument in its favour? Reverend Travis: Of course, but- Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Finally, I would point out your living is in Lord Grantham's gift. Your house is on Lord Grantham's land, and the very flowers in your church are from Lord Grantham's garden. I hope it is not vulgar in me to suggest that you find some way to overcome your scruples. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ETHEL'S HOUSE - DAY] Mrs Hughes: You can't have expected much more. Not when those letters all went unanswered. Ethel: I don't know what I expected, but you can't help hoping. Mrs Hughes: Have you found any work? Ethel: Bit of scrubbing. There aren't many places I can take the baby. Mrs Hughes: What do you tell them? Ethel: That my husband died at the front. Mrs Hughes: It's funny, we have a new maid, Jane, who really is a war widow with a child and we respect her for it. But then, we believe her story. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CARLISLE'S NEWSPAPER OFFICE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A secretary tries to stop Vera Bates from storming into Carlisle's office.] Secretary: Mrs Bates, I really must insist that-- Vera Bates: You tricked me! Well, aren't you going to deny it? Sir Richard Carlisle: Certainly not. I tricked you to protect my fianc 's good name. Vera Bates: That's one word for her. I can think of a few others. Sir Richard Carlisle: You better not speak them aloud if you know what's good for you. Vera Bates: I don't want your money, I don't want that contract. Sir Richard Carlisle: It's too late for that. And I warn you, if I so much as read her name in anything but the court circular, I shall hunt you, I will ruin you, and have you locked up. Is that clear? [Stunned, Vera thinks for a moment.] Vera Bates: It doesn't end here, you know. Not for John Bates. Lady Mary might've got away, what do I care? But he won't. You tell him. Sir Richard Carlisle: That's entirely your own affair. [Vera marches out.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert flips through the library catalogue. Jane stumbles in noisily with cleaning supplies.] Jane: Where do we start? Robert, Earl of Grantham: You tell me. [Jane's jaw drops.] Jane: Oh! Y--your Lordship, I-- I do apologise. I thought Mrs Hughes said we were to clean in here. Robert, Earl of Grantham: You must be the new maid. [The telephone rings.] Jane: I am. Jane. And it's very kind of you and Her Ladyship to take me on. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not a bit. We all owe your late husband a great debt. [Jane nods, upset.] Jane: Thank you. [Mrs Hughes enters.] Mrs Hughes: Milord, there's a telephone call for-- Jane? Whatever are you doing? You're wanted in the drawing room, not the library, to clean it while the men are out of it. [Robert watches Jane hurry out.] Mrs Hughes: She's very willing, but she's not quite there yet. I am sorry. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, don't be. What about that call? Mrs Hughes: For Lady Mary. They're waiting now. Robert, Earl of Grantham: You might just catch her if you hurry. She's on her way to the hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy stares into space, dressed for her wedding. Mr Carson enters with a bouquet of flowers.] Mr Carson: His Lordship asked Mr Vassit to bring these in for you. Anna: Aw, how lovely. Here. Daisy, sit down. Daisy: I shouldn't be doing this. It's just a lie, you know it is. Mrs Patmore: You're doing it out of the goodness of your heart. Daisy: The falseness of my heart, more like. [O'Brien talks to Thomas on the stairs.] O'Brien: She's not quite the blooming bride. Thomas: I don't think it's the same when you're marrying a corpse. O'Brien: Are you going? Thomas: Why not? I won't mind shaking William's hand before he goes. [They let Mrs Hughes descend the stairs between them.] O'Brien: Is that sentiment or superstition in case he haunts you? [Back in the hall.] Mrs Hughes: You look lovely, dear. Just to say, the vicar is ready for us. Mr Carson: Let's go up, then. [Mr Carson offers Daisy his arm. Anna hands her the bouquet. Daisy slowly stands up, takes the bouquet and Carson's arm and allows herself to be led to her wedding. The bed is woven with vines of flowers. Daisy and William hold hands. Edith and Violet attend along with Mr Mason, Anna, Bates, Mrs Hughes, Carson, Mrs Patmore, Thomas, O'Brien, and another maid.] Reverend Travis: Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union of Christ and-- [Violet dabs her eyes with a handkerchief.] Reverend Travis: If any man can show any just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace. [William gives Daisy a small smile and she gives one back.] Reverend Travis: Hand me the ring. [Mr Mason pulls the ring out of his vest pocket. Anna and Mr Carson are also on the verge of tears. William puts the ring on Daisy's finger. Edith sees Violet crying and puts her hand on her shoulder.] VIOLET, DOWAGER COUNTESS OF GRANTHAM (sniffle) Cold. Reverend Travis: You may now kiss the bride. [Daisy leans over the bed and kisses William.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WARD - DAY] Matthew Crawley: She's better off in London. Lady Mary: If you say so. Matthew Crawley: Do you know why I sent her away? Lady Mary: I think so. Matthew Crawley: Then you'll know I couldn't marry her. Not now. I couldn't marry any woman. Lady Mary: And if they should just want to be with you? On any terms? Matthew Crawley: No one sane would want to be with me as I am now. Including me. Oh, God. I think I'm going to be sick. [Mary picks up the sick bowl and helps Matthew sit up.] Lady Mary: It's all right. [Mary rubs his back as Matthew vomits into the bowl.] Lady Mary: It's perfectly all right. [Matthew lies back down and starts to chuckle as Mary wipes his mouth clean.] Lady Mary: What is it? Matthew Crawley: I was just thinking it seems such a short time ago since I turned you down, and now look at me. Impotent, cripple, stinking of sick. What a reversal. You have to admit, it's quite funny. [Isobel enters and watches Mary sitting with Matthew.] Lady Mary: All I'll admit is that you're here and you've survived the war. That's enough for now. [Mary gets up and takes the sick bowl with her. She meets Isobel.] Lady Mary: You're back. He'll be so pleased. [Isobel looks at the sick bowl.] Isobel Crawley: You've become quite a nurse since I last saw you. Lady Mary: No, no. It's nothing. Sybil's the nurse in this family. [Mary leaves and Isobel walks to Matthew's bedside.] Isobel Crawley: It's the very opposite of nothing. [Matthew sees Isobel and starts breathing hard with relief and tears.] Matthew Crawley: Mother. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary walks up the steps, upset.] Lady Mary: Bates. What's happened? How's William? Mr Bates: He's nearly there, my lady. Lady Mary: I'm so sorry. Actually, Bates, I'm glad I've caught you. Sir Richard Carlisle telephoned me earlier. He says he's paid Mrs Bates for her story. She cannot speak of it now without risking prison. Mr Bates: She won't do that. Lady Mary: So, I hope we can all forget it. Mr Bates: It's forgotten already, milady. Lady Mary: Thank you. [Mr Bates turns to go.] Lady Mary: I'm afraid she was very angry when she knew she had been silenced. Mr Bates: I can imagine. He says she made threats against you. "If I go down, I'll take him with me," that sort of thing. Lady Mary: I'm sure she didn't mean it. Mr Bates: Are you, milady? Lady Mary: Well, you'd know better than I. [They go their separate ways. Anna meets Bates in the hall with a tray.] Anna: Lady Mary's back. Mr Bates: I've just seen her. She says it's worked. Sir Richard has put a gag on Vera. Anna: Thank God. So everything in our garden is rosy again? Mr Bates: I hope so. I certainly hope so. [They smile at each other and Anna continues down the hall with the tray.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Patmore enters. Daisy is sitting on the bed and Mr Mason on the chair next to it. Mrs Patmore takes Daisy's hands.] Mrs Patmore: You must be so tired, my love. Why not let me take over for a while and go and lie down. Daisy Mason: No thank you, Mrs Patmore. I'll stay with him. I won't leave him now, not while he needs me. Mr Mason: He doesn't need you no more, Daisy. [William has just stopped breathing.] Mr Mason: He doesn't need none of us no more. [Mr Mason takes Daisy's hand.]

August 1918. Matthew has suffered a serious spinal injury and is paralysed from the waist down. He is told that he will never walk again or father children. He wants Lavinia to forget him and sends her away, while Mary attempts to nurse him back to health. Mrs Hughes secretly helps Ethel and her baby since Ethel's lover, Major Bryant, has ignored her. William's injuries are fatal, prompting him to ask Daisy to marry him before he dies. Mrs Patmore persuades Daisy to go through with it; William dies a few hours later. Bates is taken aback when Vera promises to expose old secrets about Lady Mary and Pamuk's death, as he paid her to divorce him. When Mary discovers this, she confesses everything to Sir Richard Carlisle and asks him to help. He pays Vera to sign a contract with confidentiality obligations. Unknown to Mary, Sir Richard announces his engagement to her in his paper. On finding out she was tricked into silence, Vera warns Bates she will still ruin him.

fd_The_O.C._02x17

fd_The_O.C._02x17_0

Opening scene - Cohen kitchen at night - Sandy comes in with dinner for everyone, Kirsten is sitting at the kitchen table with her back to him Sandy: alright dinner time (puts bag down) how d'ya feel about chicken parm Kirsten: that is simply UN acceptable Sandy: hey don't look at me, I'm the one who wanted Thai (gets plates out) Kirsten: uh Carter I am gonna have'ta call you back (pulls ear piece out of her ear) ok (hangs up) Sandy: you're off the phone, I barely recognise you without a wire comin outta your ear Kirsten: (walks over to Sandy) honey I'm sorry, its jus that we're unveiling the magazine to advertisers in exactly sixty seven hours, at which point I will have some semblance of a life back Sandy: ah well here's hopin (heard in the background) Seth: kickin your ass an every time I do that you pause it, ooh yes I thought I smelled (spelt as it sounds) elfordoes Ryan: (takes plate from Sandy) thankyou I am starving Seth: thanks (everyone gets their food and cutlery from the bench) Ryan: see you later (Seth, Kirsten and Ryan go to walk out of the kitchen and back to what they were doing) Sandy: whoa no no sorry (stands in front of them) this is a family dinner Seth: (makes a face) oooh ah the sneak attack family dinner (Ryan looks at him) dude we walked right into it Kirsten: I have to work Seth: uh yeah an Ryan an I are in the middle of a very crucial playstation game Ryan: (nods) it's kinda like your super bowl Sandy: I don't care, nobody here eats tonight unless we sit down an eat as a family, no excuses, tonight an together, now si'down everybody (points) c'mon Ryan: great (Kirsten and Ryan sit across from each other, Seth and Sandy are about to sit) Sandy: an you too Seth: (sits) mmm family times always best when it's forced Sandy: your not gonna be invited on the family trip I'm plannin (Seth laughs) Ryan (Ryan looks at him) you ever seen Mt Rushmore (phone rings. they each plead with Sandy, lol) Kirsten: (turns around) oh that could be work Seth: Summer gets really mad if I'm not available Ryan: yeah Marissa's spose'ta call me back Sandy: (gets up) I will get the phone, nobody's takin any calls, it is dinner time (answers) hello (we see Kirsten and Seth, both frustrated) Sandy: ...just a second (looks at Ryan) it's for you (Ryan gets up and goes towards Sandy) Seth: what! how come Ryan gets to talk on the phone during dinner an I can't play a little playstation (Kirsten turns around. Sandy hands the phone to Ryan and watches him) Ryan: hello (we see a close up of Sandy looking worried, then it goes back to Ryan) (smiles) hey (smile goes) really, when...yeah no alright... (nods) yeah...see ya then (Sandy looks at him worried) (hangs up) ...that was Trey Kirsten: (slowly turns back around) your brother Ryan: yeah...heeeeess gettin outta jail tomorrow (sits) wants me to pick him up in Chino Seth: (to Sandy) well there's that... family trip you wanted (Sandy looks at Ryan, worried. Ryan has his eyes closed. everyone eats quietly) Theme song - California by Phantom planet The pool house the next morning - Ryan is sitting in a chair with his foot up on the footstool, looking as though he's deep in thought. Seth comes in Seth: hey, what're you doin in here, there's bagels an cream cheese to be had in the kitchen Ryan: yeah I'm comin Seth: an yet your sitting (points) Ryan: i guess I jus needed a second ta...brace myself for today Seth: yeah uh...(thinks) pickin up your brother from prison that is not not intense (Ryan looks at him) have you talked to him at all since uh- Ryan: last Thanksgiving when he tried to get me to steal a car, no...an I kinda thought he was outta my life for good Seth: well do you want him outta your life Ryan: (frowns) (looks at Seth) I don't know maybe, he's my brother but...the guys trouble Seth: if you want my advice I mean I-I-I (looks down) who am I kidding I'm totally outta my league on this one, I will say this though...as your brother (points) your other brother (Ryan looks at him) who's less related to you, I officially have your back Ryan: thanks man Seth: alright (claps) lets go, put your shoes on, bagels are waiting Ryan: yes (sits forward) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is in there making bagels and Kirsten is in there with him Kirsten: I know Trey is the only family that Ryan has, an I do think we should help him Sandy: but your scared I'm gonna want'to adopt him, honey (Kirsten looks at him) don't worry, Trey is twenty years old an an ex-con (shakes his head) I don't think he wants ta be adopted (Kirsten closes her eyes) but don't you think we gotta help him Kirsten: (worried) yeah its jus we don't know what kind of effect this is gonna have on Ryan, he's ben doing so well this year (Sandy looks at her) (Seth and Ryan come into the kitchen) Seth: morning, might wanna switch to a more neutral topic Sandy: hey I was just about to come an get you, you ready Ryan: sure (sighs) look um I appreciate you drivin me down to Chino but I can take care'a this myself, this shouldn't have'ta be your problem Sandy: hey if it's a Ryan problem, it's a Cohen problem (holds out a bagel) here ya go, for the road Ryan: thanks (Sandy and Ryan go to leave. each with half a bagel for the car {cute}) Seth: dad (Sandy and Ryan stop) (frowns) I think I should head down to prison with you guys an take the day off school, you know we all know I've had some (puts his head on the side) well behavioural issues this year an I think prison might be...jus the thing ta scare me straight Sandy: (laughs) hm Kirsten: nice try (throws Seth an apple and he catches it) get to school CUT TO: Harbor school - We see kids walking around outside then we see Summer and Marissa walking together near the lockers Summer: I don't know any details Seth jus said that Ryan went to go pick up Trey from jail Marissa: oh my god I wish I could'a known Summer: so you could'a gone with him (Marissa looks at her) cause last time you two went to jail it did not go so well Marissa: well at least I could be there for him Summer: (looks at Marissa) Coop you sound extremely girlfriend'y right now Marissa: hey I'm jus tryin'a be his friend, which is the part we skipped over last time (Summer mouths "oh") besides Ryan an Trey have a very complicated relationship (they are now in the student lounge. Summer frowns and looks in the direction of the door. we hear like a motorbike sound) Summer: speaking of which (we see a guy pull up on a red Vespa, outside) Summer: that's Zach (Marissa looks) oh my god I'm having a panic spiral (fans herself with her hand) Marissa: wait that's Zach on the Vespa Summer: yeah, I didn't think he'd come back he was in Italy for so long I assumed he bought a villa an opened an espresso bar (Zach comes through the door, smiling) Marissa: well are you gonna say hello Summer: oh no no I cant, last time I saw him is when I ditched him at the airport (whispers) in front of his family Marissa: (smiles) oo well you better say something cause he's coming over here (pushes Summer forward and smiles) Summer: oh I'm about to get bitch-slapped Marissa: hi Zach Zach: (huge smile) hey Marissa: welcome back Zach: guys Summer: hey Zach: or wait, bon journo Marissa: oooh Summer: ooo (laughs and looks at Marissa) Marissa: how was Italy Zach: ah it was, amazing, it was probably the best vacation of my life (Marissa looks at Summer) ooh I'm gonna be late, listen great ta see you guys just catch up with me at lunch ok I got some awesome pictures to show you Summer: ok Marissa: ok, alright, later (Zach walks between them) Summer: (smiles) cool, bye (smile goes and she folds her arms) ok somebody totally spiked that guys gelato Marissa: well I guess you don't have'ta worry Sum, he seems pretty ok (raises eyebrows) Summer: yeah, a little too ok hm I'm not buyin it, he's hiding something CUT TO: Chino prison - We see through the glass, Ryan and Sandy waiting for Trey. we then see a kid talking on a pay phone. Ryan stares at him and Sandy notices Sandy: flashbacks Ryan: (laughs) a little bit Sandy: (laughs) uh, it feels like a hundred years since I got you out of juvi doesn't it Ryan: yeah (sighs) ...an he's ben in here the whole time Sandy: ...what would you say if Trey stayed with us (Ryan looks at him) at least for a little while Ryan: (reluctant)...I-I don't know Sandy: (nods) you know if no one helps him statistics say he's back in jail within a year Ryan: Treys old enough to take care of himself (we see Trey come out with a guard. Sandy motions to Ryan and they both look towards him. Trey looks back at them, carrying his belongings in a single cardboard box. we hear a buzzing sound and the guard opens the door for Trey, he stops and looks at Ryan) Trey: little brother (moves closer) good to see you man (Ryan holds his hand out to shake hands. Trey grabs Ryan on the neck and pulls him forward into a firm hug. Ryan wraps his arms around Trey and smiles. Sandy watches them, smiling) Sandy: (walks forward) I'm Sandy Cohen (holds his hand out) Trey: (shakes) nice to finally meet you (Ryan looks from Sandy to Trey) Sandy: you hungry Trey: I'm starvin Sandy: alright, let's go (Sandy and Trey walk out, followed by Ryan. the next thing we see is them walking outside and toward the car. Trey smiles as he looks around at everything. Ryan touches Trey on the arm then gets in the front seat of the car. Trey opens the back door, he looks into the car, mesmerised, then smiles and gets in) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten and Carter are in there together, watching a video for the magazine Carter: (points) so I-I think we hold on this shot'a the coast (Kirsten nods) just-just a bit longer just until see into this shot of the (Julie comes in) Julie: what're you two doing Kirsten: uh cutting a video for the show case an introduction to Newport Living (Julie looks at them, clueless) Carter: your magazine the one with...you on the cover Julie: (closes her eyes) right right I'm sorry I'm just um I'm a little distracted, Kirsten could I talk ta you for a moment in private (Kirsten nods) Carter: I'm going to get some air (leaves) Julie: (walks in, dazed) uh...I made a mistake Kiki (sighs) (sits) a naked mistake Kirsten: (frowns) excuse me Julie: a hundred years ago, a boyfriend...convinced me to let him...film...me...in the act (Kirsten listens) I was young living on rum an I needed the money, I totally freaked I told him he could never show it to anyone led alone release it which he didn't un-until now unless I give him half a million dollars Kirsten: did you talk to a lawyer Julie: well Sandy was able ta negotiate the rights from him but we still need to come up with the money Kirsten: (thinks) well if Sandy can't help you...your gonna have'ta tell my dad (Julie looks at Kirsten) CUT TO: Chino - Sandy pulls up out the front of a very run down house. it looks almost abandoned Trey: uh this is it Sandy: (stops) now who are you stayin with again Trey: it's my buddy Rick, well I think it's his brother's house but they said it's cool if I stay there (Trey and Ryan get out of the car, and stand opposite each other) Ryan: ...good to see ya Trey: take care'a yourself Ry Ryan: yeah (they hug quickly {aww}) Trey: thanks for lunch again Mr. Cohen Sandy: take care (shakes Treys hand) (Trey nods and looks at Ryan) Ryan: ill call you (Trey hits Ryan on the arm playfully then walks towards the house. Ryan and Sandy watch him. we see Trey open the screen door and knock. Ryan and Sandy watch {I get the feeling that they are both remembering back to when Sandy brought Ryan home to an empty house} we see Trey knock again, and wait. we hear a siren in the background. Trey looks through a window trying to see if anyone is home. Ryan watches) Sandy: what d'you say we give it a try...jus for a few days (Ryan watches Trey for a few seconds more. Trey is still trying to peer through the window) Ryan: (yells) hey Trey (Trey turns around) wanna come with us (Trey looks at Ryan then at the window, he walks over and shuts the screen door then heads back towards the car, smiling) CUT TO: Harbor school - Zach is at his locker putting books away, and Seth walks over to him Seth: (smiles) hey man, you came back Zach: (smiles) hey (shakes Seth's hand) Seth: (frowns) people never leave an come back Zach: how you doin man, long time no see (shuts locker) how ya ben Seth: good (nods) dude things are really good (Zach smiles) (frowns) listen uh about what happened with you an me an-an Summer Zach: oh no don't worry about it man (frowns) you an Summer belong together I should'a clued inta that a while ago (thinks) actually I did clue inta that a while ago...uh whatever man I'm fine with it (they are now walking away from the lockers) Seth: yeah Zach: yeah Seth: you seem different, seem like uh Zach: like I'm vibrating at a very high frequency Seth: sure (nods) Zach: if I tell you somethin you promise not to tell Summer Seth: yeah ok, I know my track record with secret keeping hasn't ben that good but (shakes his head) its gotta turn around some time Zach: look man when I was in Italy...I met someone her names Francesca Seth: yeah, what's she like Zach: tall, blonde, gorgeous, doesn't speak much English but she's learning, when we met it was like we just clicked Seth: yeah, are you guys still clicking though I mean...across the globe Zach: dude we got web cam, we got E-mail we got instant message day Seth: oooooh, long distance dating is so (closes his eyes) hot Zach: (puts on his helmet) do me a favour alright don't tell Summer...it might hurt her feelings that I moved on so quickly Seth: yeah, yeah my lips are sealed (nods) Zach: cool Seth: ok Zach: great (shakes Seth's hand) bye (Zach leaves and Seth watches) CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Sandy pull into the drive way then we see the three of them coming through the front door Sandy: (opens the door) well, this is the crib (Trey slowly walks in, mouth open in amazement. he scans the room, taking it all in) Trey: (small smile) you gotta be kidding me (stunned) Sandy: you know if it's any consolation (raises eyebrows) I felt the same way the first time I saw it Trey: bet you get use to it huh (Ryan looks from Trey to Sandy) Sandy: Trey (touches Treys back) why don't you stay in the pool house (points) Ryan (touches Ryan's back) why don't you take the guest room Ryan: uh yeah ok Trey: wait did he jus say...pool house (Ryan puts his hand on Treys shoulder and walks outside with him. Sandy smiles/laughs - we now see them in the backyard. Trey laughs in disbelief when he sees it, Ryan smiles {Ryan can definitely relate to how Trey is feeling right now}) Trey: this, is where you ben livin Ryan: uh Trey: (laughs more) oh you got hooked - up Ryan: (almost embarassed) yeah (they are now walking through the pool house doors) Ryan: uh (points) towels are in the linen closet an you can borrow whatever shower stuff you need Trey: (nods) thanks (laughs) an-an-an sorry I'm-I'm kickin you outta your little (laughs) cabana mansion here Ryan: (laughs) ah its only for a few days (realises) Trey: nah don't worry, I-I won't get to comfortable Ryan: I'm sorry I didn't mean- Trey: no look, I know I'm crashin your party here...but you got a-you got a good thing goin on here an...(looks at Ryan) I'm not gonna screw it up (Ryan looks at him) promise Ryan: ok uh...see you later Trey: see you later (looks around more) (Ryan leaves then stops and looks back at Trey. we see Trey take his jacket off and throws it on the chair. Ryan looks worried) CUT TO: The pool house - Seth just walks in without knocking. we hear the toilet flush Seth: hey man (rubs his hands together) I want some details, does Trey seem different to you (stands near the bench) I mean has he found Jesus does he have a Chinese tattoo did he shave his head (Trey comes out and looks at Seth) Trey: O for three Seth: oh, hi, you're...not Ryan Trey: nope, Trey Seth: yeah, well, I was close your still an Atwood, only a slightly more edgy, darker version (points) I think (looks down) but (shakes his head) some people think Ryan's gotten a little softer since- Trey: Ryan said you talk alot Seth: (nervous) yeaaah its kind of a problem but hopefully one you'll...come to find endearing...so uh how's it you know feel to be uh...like out Trey: (looks at Seth) good Seth: yeah, cool monosyllables run in the family that's awesome (Sandy and Ryan come in) Seth: (relieved) heeeey Sandy: ah good you two've already met (to Seth) Treys gonna be staying with us Trey: just un...till I can find my own place Sandy: (walks over to Trey) I thought you might need'a do a little shopping, this is just enough to get you started, for clothing toiletries you know (hands Trey money) all the basics Trey: (stunned) you sure Sandy: course (Trey looks at Ryan, Ryan smiles) Sandy: Ryan, you can show Trey where ta go right Ryan: yeah (Sandy and Trey leave, as Trey walks passed Ryan he playfully elbows him. Ryan doesn't look like he enjoyed it, but takes it) Seth: hey you want me to come, I got a knack for pickin out the post prison wardrobe Trey: (calls) you comin Ryan: (calls back) uh yeah (to Seth) you know what call Marissa, have her meet us Seth: yeah that's probably a better job for Cosmo Girl Ryan: yeah (Ryan leaves and Seth waves) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Caleb and Julie are in the kitchen together, sitting at the bench Caleb: not like you to drop in for lunch, to what do I owe the pleasure Julie: well with all the hustle an bustle of the showcase I've barely seen you (puts plate down) It's craw fish your favourite (smiles) I jus thought we should check in you know have a state of the union Caleb: well that sounds fair enough, what's on the agenda Julie: well I think we oughta replace the shower head in the one guest bathroom upstairs oh an you really have'ta fire that new gardener those are some sorry looking hydrangea bushes out front Caleb: fine...was there anything else Julie: (drinks) um...well I made an adult film in the eighties (Caleb listens) with an ex boyfriend who's now threatening to release it on the internet unless I pay him half'a million dollars oh an I really would like to redo the kitchen Caleb: are you saying you did p0rn Julie: it was erotica, tasteful...at times Caleb: you got yourself in quite a bind Julie: (upset) see I knew it, I knew that you would react this way, absolutely no sympathy an this from a man who kept an illegitimate child hidden from me an- Caleb: (calm) it's alright, ill pay the money Julie: (suprised) you will Caleb: well your dignities at stake id say that's worth half'a million dollars Julie: (relieved) oh thank god, you have no idea how much damage this could've caused, the magazine m-Marissa, me Caleb: ill call my financial advisor (pulls out his phone) you should go back to work Julie: right, because I have a magazine to launch (smiles, stands) oh...Cal...(sincerely) thankyou (Julie kisses Caleb's cheek and smiles. she leaves and Caleb puts the phone up to his ear, with a serious look on his face) CUT TO: The diner - Seth and Summer are sitting in a booth together Summer: how can Zach act so normal around me Seth: aaaan here we are again (puts the menu down) Summer: well I-I mean I ditched him at the airport it's not what you call letting him down easy Seth: I'm not...certain on this but (frowns) I thought you an I were ? Summer: oh I know, I jus didn't expect him to get over me so fast Seth: yeah well Zach's resilient, I mean under all that floppy hair an goofy smile...there's like a layer'a steel Summer: you talked to him today right Seth: ...mm-hmm Summer: well did he say anything, any footnotes to the whole I love Italy story Seth: ...no, I mean uh... Summer: spill it Cohen! Seth: he made me promise to keep it a secret ok Summer: have you ever kept one in your life Seth: (closes his eyes) he has a girlfriend Summer: already, he's only ben back like one day Seth: (nods) yeah he met her in Italy, her names Francesca (Summer looks sad) an she's tall an beautiful an he's waaay into her, ok, great (looks at the menu) I say we get burgers an 2 vanilla milkshakes an fries Summer: (sadly) she's tall CUT TO: The shops - Trey and Ryan are in a fancy department store looking at clothes and things for Trey Trey: (holds up a watch) two hundred dollars for this watch, can you believe that (puts it back) Ryan: yeah, I know these stores are kinda pricey Trey: (picks up a hat) yeah, bet you got a closet full'a this stuff huh, shirts with alligators, topsiders (hits Ryan with the hat) the whole deal Ryan: ow (a staff member is watching Trey in the background, suspiciously) Ryan: um maybe we should go, you know i mean your not gonna find anything you need here Trey: what're you kiddin, I got cash ta spend I'm not goin anywhere (Marissa comes up to them) Marissa: (smiles) hey I found you Ryan: hey, Marissa, Trey Marissa: hey Trey (Trey looks at her) uh we've met before, Marissa Cooper Trey: ...oh yeah, your...Ry's girlfriend (Ryan looks at Marissa) Marissa: (looks at Ryan) oh...well no, well not anymore but- Ryan: yeah we're jus friends (Trey looks from Ryan to Marissa back to Ryan) Ryan: (looks at Marissa) n-not jus... friends but (Marissa looks at him) friends (unsure) r-right Marissa: right, um I heard Ryan was taking you shopping (Trey looks at Ryan) so I figured you'd probably need some help, here why don't you try this (hands Trey a shirt) an ill grab you some more stuff (Trey takes the shirt from Marissa and walks away to try it on) Marissa: Seth said you might need some back up Ryan: yeah thanks for comin (smiles) Marissa: (smiles) oh wow look at this (picks up a hat) yeah this has you written all over it (puts the hat on Ryan's head) aww (cutesy voice) yeah that looks really adorable on you, yeah (touches Ryan's cheek) its jus so cute Ryan: ah really I thought ugly hats were your thing (takes it off and puts it on Marissa) (Marissa laughs) it looks really good on you, honestly, you should look at your- oh Marissa: (poses) really Ryan: (laughs) yes (pulls on Marissa's arm mucking around) CUT TO: Newport group - Kirsten and Julie are sitting on the couch drinking coffee together Julie: so to my utter shock (sits) he agreed to pay in full, crisis averted (smiles) Kirsten: oh, well I guess my dads softening in his old age Julie: that or he has a p0rn tape buried in his past to...I was speaking metaphorically of course (Julie looks at Kirsten who is looking at something, distracted) Julie: hello, Kiki (Kirsten looks at her) I'm talking about erotica Kirsten: oh I-I-I- I'm sorry um what were you saying (Julie looks at Kirsten, then in the direction of where Kirsten was gazing. we see Carter at the reception desk. Julie looks from Carter back to Kirsten, Kirsten is once again looking at Carter then she looks at Julie) Julie: you like Carter! Kirsten: excuse me Julie: you have a thing for Carter, Kirsten Cohen crushes Carter (smiles) Kirsten: that's ridiculous Julie: here I've ben so pre occupied with my own s*x scandal I hadn't noticed yours Kirsten: that's enough! Julie: Sandy's off in strange motels with that fugitive ex girlfriend of his (Kirsten looks at her) so you decide to turn up the heat at the office (grins) Kirsten: Julie, stop it, I do not have feelings for...Sandy (Sandy walks in) Sandy: suprise (Kirsten and Julie both stand up) Kirsten: uh...Julie an I were jus going over some magazine stuff (Sandy nods) Julie: launch fever, well ill let you two talk (looks at Kirsten then leaves) Kirsten: so, what's up Sandy: oh (sighs) I invited Trey to stay with us for a few days Kirsten: ok, sounds good Sandy: (suprised) sounds good...I-I thought you were gonna have a five alarm freak out Kirsten: well I-I I trust you...I mean you were right about Ryan after all (Sandy is stunned) ill-ill see ya tonight (kisses Sandy on the cheek) Sandy: he- now where's this famous Carter Buckley, id love to meet him (we see Carter wave to Kirsten through the window) Kirsten: oh uh toni- uh its-its not a good time, he's up uh up to his ears in the launch (smiles) Sandy: alright well some other time then Kirsten: (nods) hm Sandy: ill see ya tonight CUT TO: The shops - Ryan, Marissa and Trey are at the check out Trey: (sighs) man am I tired Marissa: mm that's shoppers fatigue (Trey takes the bag from the person behind the checkout) shop enough an you'll become immune (touches Treys shoulder) trust me Ryan: if anyone should know Marissa: huh that's funny Worker: excuse me (Trey turns around) can I check your bag (points) (Ryan and Marissa watch, worried) Trey: why, I didn't do anything wrong Worker: look I saw you handling that watch before Trey: I didn't take your damn watch Worker: we have the right to look through your bag, jus hand it over Trey: I see other people with bags here, I don't s-see you givin them a hard time Marissa: look he didn't take anything Ryan: hey jus let him check through your bag Trey: hey man (puts his hand up) ill handle this (Ryan looks worried) (moves closer to the guy) why don't you get outta my face Worker: (into the walky talky) send someone to the front entrance Trey: yeah, yeah you know what...don't bother! (empties the bag out in front of him) cause I paid for all'a this (Ryan touches Treys arm and Trey rips it away from him. Ryan holds Trey around the waist trying to get him out of the store, Trey breaks free from Ryan's hold and kicks over a display stand he walks back over to the worker and looks at him then leaves. Ryan watches him, not impressed about what just happened) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - through the kitchen window we see Kirsten, Sandy and Trey outside sitting together at the table. in the kitchen Ryan and Seth are talking, Seth is sitting at the bench Ryan: if we hadn't gotten Trey outta the store, I swear he would'a taken the guy out Seth: so he's got rage issues like uh like Summer or Ryan: (sits) yeah he's just got alotta pride you know (sighs) an a short fuse, once somethin sets him off its like, he cant control himself Seth: well um its comforting to have him stayin here? (frowns) have you told my parents Ryan: no I cant, I know I should but (Kirsten comes in) Kirsten: oh hey Ryan (Seth and Ryan look) oh I finally met your brother, he seems to be adjusting well (Ryan and Seth look at her) Seth: yeah smooth sailing Kirsten: hm (nods) (Sandy and Trey come in) Sandy: oh here's one, a barista at a local coffee joint Trey: barista Kirsten: oh that's a fancy word for a guy who makes coffee Trey: oh that I can do Sandy: (nods) we were jus checkin out the classifieds Trey: job hunt begins today (to Ryan) feel like comin with me Ryan: (looks at Trey) (pointed) ill pass thanks (Sandy looks at Ryan, noticing the tension) Kirsten: Seth why don't you...come out an...clear the patio furniture with me for the party (Seth screws up his face) Sandy: I believe son that's code for lets get outta here (hands Trey the paper) Seth: (stands) if I help set up for the party will you let me skip it Sandy: ah that would be a no (touches Seth's back) (Seth, Sandy and Kirsten walk outside. Trey looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at Trey out of the corner of his eye) Trey: again, I'm sorry about yesterday, I jus didn't like the way that guy was lookin at me Ryan: (softly) so you trashed the store Trey: (nods) look my old ways aren't gonna work here, I need to change Ryan: (looks at Trey, nods) ...do it soon (Ryan leaves the kitchen and Trey puts the paper down on the bench) CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we hear a knock on the door and Summer opens it. Zach is standing there Summer: (suprised) Zach Zach: hey um (walks in) I brought over some'a your stuff (puts box on the bed) Summer: oh Zach: things you left at my house Summer: post break-up stuff exchange, ooo (referring to something in the box) I won this for you at the kick off carnival, it was a gift Zach: (nods) an ill always remember how you owned that whack-a-mole (Summer looks at him) I don't feel like it's a good idea to have reminders of you lying around Summer: look I get that you moved on but d'you have'ta like totally erase me Zach: (frowns) what'do you mean moved on (Summer looks down) Cohen Summer: he let it slip ok Zach: I-I just I didn't want you ta know incase it hurt your feelings Summer: why would it hurt my feelings (laughs) what jus because twenty minutes after we broke up you were scootering around Italy with some six foot two euro chick Zach: (frowns) hey y-you left me Summer: I know, I know that but (closes her eyes) ...the entire cast of the Valley are guest VJ's on music video nation (Zach is lost) an I kinda have'ta see that (pushes Zach towards the door) so ill drop off your stuff soon ok Zach: Summer wait Summer: (loud) arivaderci (shuts the door) CUT TO: Lance's hotel - Caleb gets out of the limo and shuts the door. the next thing we see is Lance opening the door and Caleb being on the other side Lance: well, how do ya like this (Caleb walks in) Caleb Nichol showing up in my lowly hotel room Caleb: let's get this over with (Caleb puts the briefcase down on the table knocking rubbish and crap to the floor) Lance: thankyou (picks up the video) videos right here, its all yours if the moneys in that case Caleb: (looks at Lance then opens the case) five hundred thousand, as requested (Lance smiles) (holds his hand out for the tape) I'm assured this is the only copy Lance: this is it (hands the tape over) (smug) so how's it feel, get a little glimpse into your wife's past Caleb: I didn't get where I am today by being a fool, I knew what I was getting into when I married Julie Cooper Lance: so you expect me to believe that she told you about this (Caleb looks at him) cause Julie keeps her past pretty tight to the vest Caleb: I have some very thorough ? PI's in my staff...id venture to say there's nothing Julies ever done that I don't know about (knock at the door) Caleb: allow me (Caleb goes to open the door and Lance closes the briefcase full of money and picks it up. Caleb opens the door and 2 big rough looking guys walk in) Lance: oh what the hell is this Caleb: (smug) these are some friends of mine looking forward to getting to know you Lance: you son of a bitch Caleb: that's your cue to hand me the briefcase (waits) Lance (Lance hands the briefcase over, reluctantly) pleasure doing business with you, thanks for the tape (Caleb leaves and one of the big guys shuts the door and then pulls the curtains closed) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is at her desk on the phone and Julie walks in holding 2 dresses Kirsten: id like those flowers delivered by five...thankyou (hangs up) Julie: hey, what'do you think (holds out 2 different dresses) for tonight I want Donatella Versace meets Martha Stewart before the scandal hm, oo don't look now boyfriend two o'clock (Carter walks in) Carter: hey (Kirsten looks in Carters direction) Carter: brought you somethin (Julie looks at Kirsten, smiling) pinotnoir Russian river valley (to Julie) hi Julie: hey Carter: one you said you loved (Julie looks at Kirsten. Kirsten looks at Carter) Kirsten: ...thankyou Carter how thoughtful Carter: I thought we'd uh pop the top have a few glasses before the madness begins Kirsten: (pointed) we have alot riding on this presentation, I think it would be unprofessional to drink wine before hand Carter: (laughs and looks at Julie then Kirsten) are you kidding, we average a bottle a night around here Julie: hm Kirsten: you can celebrate...at the party tonight Carter: ok, yeah ok uh I will uh ill see you later completely focused an totally sober (leaves) Julie: (teasing) (walking out backwards) Kirsten an Carter sittin in a tree (Kirsten looks at her) I'm jus kidding unless I'm not (laughs) (off screen) k-i-s-s-i-n-g (Kirsten looks dazed) CUT TO: Zach's house - Summer rings the doorbell and Zach's mom opens the door Z's mom: oh...Summer...I thought we'd seen the last'a you Summer: is Zach home Z's mom: he's at water polo practice he'll be home in a few minutes Summer: (holds up a bag) could I leave this stuff with you um he left it at my house (frowns) when we were dating Z's mom: (takes the bag) so it's really over between the two of you Summer: (nods) Mrs. Stevens I am so sorry about what happened at the airport Z's mom: you should be Summer: but at least something good came out of it, right I mean Zach met Francesca Z's mom: (confused) who Summer: you know six foot two Italian super model...Zach's new girlfriend Z's mom: an when would this of happened...while he was sulking over you...he never left the hotel room Summer (Summer looks at Z's mom, stunned) CUT TO: The pool house at night - Trey is sitting on the bed with his head down, and the paper in his hand. Ryan knocks Ryan: hey (Trey looks over) (walks in) how'd the...job hunt go today (sits) Trey: (breathes out) not so good...tried five or six places...all turned me down on the spot Ryan: (looks down) that sucks...you hungry, grab a bite...catch up Trey: (nods) yeah, that'd be great Ryan: (smiles) cool (stands) we should head by the pier you'll like it, we got you know...boats an stuff (smiles) after you clean this place up (starts throwing Treys new clothes at him from the bed) gees man you do have closets you know Trey: yeah, you think your funny (Ryan keeps throwing clothes at Trey, laughing. he throws the last piece and underneath it sitting on the bed is the watch from earlier. Ryan's smile goes when he sees it. Trey looks out from behind the clothes and then he looks at Ryan. Ryan picks up the watch and looks at it before looking at Trey, he looks back down at the watch) Ryan: ...this is the watch from that store Trey: yeah I went back today an bought it Ryan: (looks down) don't lie ta me (looks at Trey) Trey: I'm not Ryan: (softly) you're never gonna change (looks away) this family is takin a chance on you Trey Trey: (scoffs) you know what (stands) it makes no difference what I tell you cause your only gonna believe the worst about me no matter what I do Ryan: (yells) hey ya blame me Trey: guess I don't, so why don't I do us both a favour an jus take off Ryan: (yells) fine (Trey heads towards the door and stops) Trey: (yells) oh an I bought it as a gift for you...ta thank you for helpin me out (Ryan looks at him) an uh before you go callin the cops on me (pulls out the receipt) here's the receipt (screws it up and throws it at Ryan) (Ryan watches Trey leave, helplessly) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting on the bed staring off into the distance and Sandy walks in. Ryan stands up Sandy: well the party's startin soon, are you hidin out in here Ryan: yeah, good guess Sandy: (nods) where's Trey (Ryan looks at him) oh I see well...we knew it was gonna be bumpy Ryan: yeah...this is harder then I thought it'd be Sandy: is there anything I can do Ryan: (thinks) hey could I borrow the car Sandy: (takes the keys out and hands them to Ryan) be careful CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Zach walks in the door, and we see Summer sitting at her dressing table. Summer sees Zach in the mirror and jumps up Summer: Zach, hey ugh I realised I forgot to give you your sweatshirt back you know an I was going to Zach: (looking down) I know you talked to my mom today Summer: brief conversation...brief Zach: an I know she told you about Francesca...or lack there of Summer: ...you don't need'ta explain Zach: no I do, when I came home I knew that I was going to see you an Cohen (looks at Summer) an I-I didn't want things to be tense between us (Summer listens) an I figured the only way to do that was...if I was with someone to Summer: (feels bad) Zach I'm sorry...an you told Cohen because...(frowns) you knew that it would get back to me Zach: (nods) within minutes Summer: god that is so typical'a Cohen (shakes her head) I mean he knew that it would make me jealous Zach: Summer...remember she's a fake (smiles) Summer: yeah but still Cohen could not wait to tell me about your smokin new girlfriend he- Zach: this is uh between you an Cohen (realises) which has nothing to do with me (smiles) finally Summer: look (moves closer) Zach...I am so sorry that I made a mess of everything...as for Francesca...unlike some loud mouth geeks...I can keep a secret (Summer and Zach look at each other) CUT TO: The Cohen's backyard - its now decorated for the party. Ryan comes out of the pool house and walks passed Marissa who is leaning on a chair reading Newport Living near by. beside the pool is a mock up of the cover sitting on an easel Marissa: hey (stands) Ryan where're you going Ryan: uh get Trey, he took off Marissa: well ill go with you Ryan: (looks at Marissa) remember what happened last time you came'ta Chino Marissa: yeah I saved your ass (Ryan looks at her) come on (pulls Ryan by the arm) (we now see Kirsten and Julie walking together) Kirsten: do you realise that in a couple'a days your face will be on (thinks) every coffee table in this town Julie: oh frankly I'm suprised we even got it off the ground (Caleb walks over) Caleb: well I'm not suprised at all Kirsten: hi dad (kisses Caleb's cheek) mwa Caleb: I know this magazine is going to be an enormous success Kirsten: absolutely Julie: I...take it everything went smoothly (Kirsten and Julie look at Caleb) Caleb: everything's taken care of Juju (we now see Summer walk over to Seth who is at the bar. they are both dressed up) Summer: uh-hh hm (touches Seth's arm) Seth: hey you made it (puts his arm around Summer and kisses her cheek, Summer appears to pull away) mmm I was starting to get worried (to the bartender) thankyou Summer: well I came for Newport Living, I do live in Newport Seth: ah, is that what this party's for I didn't uh Summer: hm (isn't happy) Seth: (nods) ok what's the deal is it somethin I said Summer: (glares) something you weren't (raises her eyebrows) suppose'ta say Seth: (looks at Summer) right (looks down) I guess I did somethin wrong so I should probably jus apologise Summer: well yeah, if you mean it Seth: its kinda hard ta mean it if I (shakes his head) don't know what it is Summer: (mocking) well its kinda hard ta forgive you if you don't mean it cause you don't know what your spose'ta be apologising for (Seth looks at her, lost) I'm gonna wait in your room for twenty minutes if ya cant figure it out by then I'm gone (walks away) (Seth looks completely clueless, poor guy! - we now see Carter walk over to Caleb, Kirsten and Julie) Caleb: hello everybody, Julie congratulations Julie: thankyou Carter: (to Kirsten) may I speak with you for a moment Kirsten: sure (Kirsten and Carter walk away from Caleb and Julie) Kirsten: what is it Carter: (softly) have I said something to you, have I done something wrong cause all day you have seemed angry at me (Kirsten goes to speak, but cant) look, whatever it is I hope you can talk to me about it because we are liable to be working together for a long time so I don't wanna- (Kirsten looks over at Julie and Julie gives her a thumbs up. Carter notices and looks over at Julie) Carter: on second thought, uh lets just focus on the presentation (Kirsten looks at him) ...I-I I hope it goes without a hitch (Kirsten closes her eyes and sighs. she opens them and sees a waiter walking towards her {I debated putting this information in because when I watched it the first time I didn't catch it, but the waiter is Lance, he cleans up nice and its very easy to miss}) Kirsten: uh scuse me is that chardonnay Lance/waiter: yes ma'm it is (smiles) Kirsten: (takes a glass) thankyou CUT TO: Chino - Ryan and Marissa are out of the front of like a bar, it looks very rough Ryan: use'ta hang out at this place all the time (Marissa goes in and Ryan follows her. the next thing we see is Marissa and Ryan inside the bar) Marissa: (points) there he is Ryan: back in a sec (Marissa nods and crosses her arms. Ryan goes over to Trey who is playing pool, with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth Trey: what the hell you doin here man Ryan: come to find you Trey: I'm not lookin to be found Ryan: Trey Trey: beat it - little brother Ryan: (looks at Marissa then back at Trey) I jus wanna talk to you alright Trey: why man your in your pool house an-an I'm here Ryan: (softly) I'm sorry alright Trey: why're we kiddin ourselves here Ry...you knew it couldn't work...we are who we are Ryan: I'm not goin back to Newport without you Trey: fine...stay here (walks away) see how well you fit in after bein away two years, I'm gonna go out an get some air (Ryan looks over at Marissa. some drunk guy sits down next to her and smiles, she smiles at him then looks away, uneasy - we then see Trey walk outside, he kicks a trash can and it makes a bang) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Summer is sitting on the bed waiting and Seth walks in Seth: ok uh...I've thought about it, I've thought about why you're angry Summer: (nods) and Seth: I have nothing I do - not know what I did wrong Summer but listen I am totally willing to apologise, extremely sincerely Summer: why did you tell me about Francesca Seth: um...because you begged me to Summer: that is not why Cohen, I have begged you to do plenty of stuff like give up comic books stop mumbling an you don't do any of that Seth: are you actually angry with me for being jealous of you being jealous of Zach Summer: no...you were jealous Seth: gee why would that be Summer, hearing you go on an on about Zach's new woman Summer: because ya told me about her Seth: yeah I did, I saw the high road there an I jus did not take it on that one, d'you wanna know why (Summer motions yes) I was a little bit worried...here we had this big great kiss in the rain upside down an I don't know, I thought maybe what if after that everything was a let down for you...ya had buyers remorse or somethin Summer: (softening) Cohen (sighs, stands and moves closer) you...are so...neurotic (holds Seth around the waist) Seth: exactly...unlike Zach who's anxiety free with his big smile...natural athleticism Summer: hm Seth: that guy makes me feel very Jewish (closes his eyes) Summer: look I know Zach looks great on paper, son of a congressman (Seth rubs her arm) sweet selfless, hey an even well boring Seth: yeah he's a touch bland Summer: yeah, an you (smiles) with all your little flaws (touches Seth's cheeks) an your little quirks (Seth frowns) somehow ya keep draw'in me back in Seth: (nods) yeah Summer: mm-hmm Seth: so what you're saying to me is then...that the more neurotic an insecure I am...the more you're attracted to me Summer: hmm Seth: well then (Summer laughs and puts her hands around his neck) do I look fat in these pants (they fall out of the shot and onto Seth's bed together. Summer laughs) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - in front a big screen we see Julie, Kirsten and Carter standing together, as well as the mock up of the magazine. the crowd is standing in front of them watching Carter: (into mic) hello everyone, I'm Carter Buckley uh managing editor (Kirsten smiles) and on behalf of everyone at Newport Living (Kirsten and Julie smile) id like to thank you all for coming tonight (clapping from the crowd, Sandy and Caleb are standing together up the back) now I would like to introduce the woman who has made all of this possible...Julie Cooper-Nichol (Carter hands the mic to Julie. Kirsten claps) Julie: (into mic) thankyou Carter I cant believe this night is finally here, well, what is Newport Living (off screen) a style guide for sure a society page, local politics, the art scene, news pages, all the different colours that ? (we now see Sandy and Caleb, with Julie's speech heard in the background) Sandy: wow, so that's Carter Buckley (we see Carter and Kirsten standing together off to the side) Caleb: you haven't met him yet Sandy: no he's ben more of a-a phantom presence, I thought he'd look more like Jerry Garcia Caleb: (looks at Sandy) who Julie: but if you really wanna know what Newport Living is all about (smiles proudly) take a look at this (Julie holds a remote up to the big screen and presses a button then steps back to watch. on the screen we see a very 'eighties' Julie with a sweat band on her head, and awful clothes. we quickly realise its the wrong tape) Young Julie: if I've never had s*x before (Julie is stunned, Kirsten turns around and looks at Carter) why do I feel so horny (takes off her top) (the crowd starts whispering/talking) Kirsten: Julie, Julie Young Julie: you're turning me on Caleb: dear god (Sandy is watching, stunned) Julie: (stunned) oh my god Kirsten: Julie give me the remote (tries to take it from Julie) Young Julie: come on cute pizza boy (Kirsten stands in front of the screen trying to shut it off. Caleb and Sandy watch helplessly. on the screen the pizza boy is now holding Young Julie on his lap. Carter goes over to try and help Kirsten. we see Young Julie throw the pizza boy down onto the bed. Julie looks away with tears in her eyes {this is probably the first time I've felt for her!} we now see quick scans of the shocked crowd and the sound of the moaning on the tape, but it's amplified. Caleb looks over at Julie, Julie looks at Caleb upset. Carter is still desperately trying to get the remote to work. we see a close up of Sandy and he closes his eyes) Carter: ready (pushes a button and the picture freezes) (Julie looks around, mortified. we see a close up of Caleb then he blurs and we see Lance come into focus standing behind Caleb and Sandy. he has a huge smile on his face. we see Julie again then we see Lance take his tie off and walk away) Julie: son of a...bitch Kirsten: (goes over to Julie) Julie lets get you outta here (puts her hand on Julies back and they walk away) Carter: (off screen) sorry about that everyone its a er (on screen) technical difficulties, please everyone uh (Sandy looks down) help themselves to a-a-a (Caleb doesn't look impressed) drink...or two...uh lord knows I ...I'm going to (Carter walks away and we see a close up of the screen one last time. we can see Julie side on in a pink bra, it looks as though she was about to take it off. in the background everyone is talking) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Julie is sitting on the seat at the end of the bed, and leaning her arm on the bed upset, Caleb walks in Caleb: don't worry Juju (sits) it'll all blow over (rubs Julies shoulders) Julie: I don't understand I mean you gave him his damn money Caleb: jus goes to show it doesn't pay to give inta these people (Julie sighs) you meet there every demand...an they ruin you anyway...well ruins the wrong word Julie: well you can go on with your life Cal but I am never leaving this room, my Howard Hughes phase starts now Caleb: (smiles) we could go ta Europe...Paris, Vienna anywhere you like...by the time we get back something else will have exploded to make this whole thing look silly Julie: (considers) I guess you can always count on this town for new scandal (sniffs) Paris (Caleb kisses Julies cheek) CUT TO: The party - Carter and Kirsten are standing together and Sandy walks over to them Sandy: Carter, Sandy Cohen (shakes Carters hand) you throw a hell of a party Carter: Sandy it's great to finally meet you (Kirsten looks from Sandy to Carter) Sandy: nice to meet you Kirsten: I-I'm so sorry I haven't introduced you two Carter: oh uh no problem (to Sandy) you sound like you have a wonderful family Sandy: (nods) I do, thankyou, including my mother in-law the p0rn star (Carter laughs) hey if it makes you feel any better I-I think it kinda livened things up Carter: yeah well here's hoping everyone was drunk enough they black out an don't remember anything tomorrow (Kirsten smiles) Sandy: here's hoping, can I get you two anything at the same time: Kirsten: no thanks I'm good Carter: oh no thanks I'm-I'm fine Sandy: (nods) alright (smiles and leaves) (Kirsten looks uncomfortable) Carter: listen (Kirsten looks at him) about before...I have to apologise Kirsten: (frowns) you do Carter: yeah you know we have ben working together for a few weeks now an I jus want you to know that if...there has ben a...tension between us (Kirsten listens) Kirsten: Carter I don't know what you're talking about Carter: if there's ben a...a vibe...between us (Kirsten looks at him) its me...ok an I am sorry Kirsten: (shakes her head) Carter Carter: lets jus leave it at that alright (Carter smiles and walks away leaving Kirsten by herself) CUT TO: Chino - Ryan and Marissa are still in the bar. they are sitting at a table together waiting for Trey to come back in. they both look like they've had enough Marissa: Ryan I don't think he's coming back Ryan: ...alright let's go (sighs) we should go find him (they both stand up and head towards the exit. Marissa is in front) Guy from before: hey you feel like playin some pool (puts his arm out) Marissa: no thanks <

When Ryan's past comes for a visit, he is worried that nothing good can come of it. Meanwhile, the Cohen family has welcomed the visitor from Chino with open arms. Marissa and Ryan continue to explore their newfound friendship, while Seth and Summer face some unforeseen news. Meanwhile, Julie admits her mistake to Kirsten and looks to Caleb for help.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x14

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x14_0

[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Camera pulls back from the city.) [EXT. BOULDER HIGHWAY -- NIGHT] (Parked along the stretch of empty road, officer car lights flash. Brass and Grissom walk toward the abandoned car where Sofia Curtis is examining the possible crime scene.) Brass: (to Grissom) Bolo out on the vehicle. Missing persons: Lori Kyman. Husband said she went out with some girlfriends earlier this evening, and never came home. Sofia Curtis: F-O-S. Grissom: What's an F-O-S? Sofia Curtis: Friend of the sheriff. How else do you get listed as a missing person so quickly? (Grissom tries the door handle.) Grissom: Doors are locked. No key in the ignition. No sign of struggle or foul play. Sofia Curtis: Flat tire. Couple of smudges. Okay, pop it. (Sofia steps aside. The tech steps forward and pops the trunk open. It's empty.) Sofia Curtis: So, she gets a flat. There's no gas station around. It's a Lexus, so there's no On-Star. She must have had some kind of emergency roadside service. Brass: I ran her cell phone log. She made one call to her husband at 9:30. Said she was coming home at eleven; that's it. Sofia Curtis: Maybe some good samaritan offered her a lift. Grissom: Yeah, and evidently didn't take her where she wanted to go. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. KYMAN RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (Sara and Brass interview Mark Kyman. Lori Kyman's best friend, Amy Maynard, is there carrying the baby, Joey.) Mark Kyman: Lori hadn't gotten out much since Joey was born. She needed some time away from the baby, and from me. Amy Maynard: Girls' night out. We've been best friends since high school. Brass: Where'd you go? Amy Maynard: The Top Floor. (Brass and Sara turn to look at each other.) Brass: That's right next to O'Shea's. (He winks at her.) (Sara gets it. She stands up.) Sara: Amy, why don't you and I go into the other room? Amy Maynard: Okay. (They turn to leave. Mark looks at Amy.) Mark Kyman: (to Amy) He's going to need his bottle soon. Amy Maynard: I'll take care of it. (Amy and Sara leave the room. Brass resumes the interview.) Brass: So, Mark, you were home alone with the baby last night? Mark Kyman: No. Uh, I, uh, I manage the steakhouse at the Tangiers. I got home around nine. My mother-in-law was taking care of Joey. Brass: Your mother-in-law. I'll need to speak with her. Mark Kyman: Yeah, she's on her way over. MEANWHILE: (Sara talks with Amy Maynard in the other room. Joey is playing with a teething toy and cooing.) Amy Maynard: She's in love with her baby. She wouldn't go anywhere without him. Sara: What about Mark? Amy Maynard: Mark loves Lori. He would never hurt her. Sara: When a wife disappears, it's protocol to look at the husband. (Amy sighs.) Amy Maynard: I promised I would never say anything. Before the baby was born, she suspected he was cheating. (Sara nods.) But then Joey came, and last night at the club, Lori said things were great. Sara: Did anything unusual happen last night? Amy Maynard: There was this one guy who kept moving in on Lori. (Quick flashback to: [THE TOP FLOOR - BAR - NIGHT] Amy and Lori are sitting at the bar nursing their drinks when Brad Himmel walks up to Lori and starts talking with her.) Brad Himmel: Hi. Could I ask you a question? It's critical. Lori Kyman: Okay. Brad Himmel: Am I your type? Lori Kyman: I'm married. Brad Himmel: Oh, yeah? Nice try. (He points to her bare ring finger on her left hand.) Ring. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Amy Maynard: I think his name is Brad. Sara: Does Lori always go out without a ring? Amy Maynard: She had lost some weight. It was being resized. [INT. KYMAN RESIDENCE -- LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Brass: So, Lori calls you at 9:30 to check on the baby. Mark Kyman: Yeah. Said she missed him. Said she was going to be home at eleven. I, uh, passed out on the couch waiting for her. [SARA AND AMY] Amy Maynard: We stopped drinking at ten. Left about an hour later. Sara: What about the guy -- Brad? Amy Maynard: He didn't get the hint. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. TOP FLOOR - PARKING LOT - NIGHT] Lori closes her car door. Brad leans over the open window.) Brad Himmel: Last chance. (He steps away; Amy rolls her eyes and leaves.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Amy Maynard: He seemed harmless. Horny ... but harmless. [BRASS AND MARK KYMAN] Mark Kyman: I, uh, I woke up, must have been about 2:00. I called her on her cell. No answer. And then I called Amy. (He swallows.) And then I called you guys. Brass: So, you haven't left the house since you got home last night? Mark Kyman: We, uh, only have one car right now. My lease ran out. (In the background, the front door opens and closes. Diane Hoyt, Lori Kyman's mother, rushes down the stairs.) Diane Hoyt: Any news? (Mark stands up and hugs Diane. Brass clears his throat. They pull apart and Mark explains.) Mark Kyman: They found her car off Boulder Highway. Diane Hoyt: Oh, my God. (Mark makes the introduction.) Mark Kyman: This is Diane, Lori's mom. Diane Hoyt: Hi. Brass: Diane, I want you to know we have every available officer out looking for your daughter. Diane Hoyt: Thank you. (to Mark) Where's Joey? Mark Kyman: He's with Amy. (Diane puts her handbag down on the dining room seat intending to go check on the baby. Brass stops her for a moment.) Diane Hoyt: Okay. Brass: You know, I just got a quick couple of questions. Can you confirm you were here last night when Mark came home from work? Diane Hoyt: Yes. I was baby-sitting. (Diane removes her coat.) Brass: What time was that? Diane Hoyt: Uh ... I'd just put Joey down. A little after 9:00. Brass: And when did your daughter call? Diane Hoyt: About half an hour later. We both talked to her. Brass: So 9:30. Thanks. That's all for now, thank you. (Mark nods.) Diane Hoyt: Excuse me. (Diane leaves the room.) Mark Kyman: What do I do? Brass: I'd take care of your family, Mark. And if Ms. Sidle asks, volunteer your fingerprints and DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAKE (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. WOODS -- NIGHT] (The Ranger shows Nick and Warrick to the body where David Phillips is already there gathering his data.) Ranger: I was making my 16:45 scan when I saw the body. I confirmed he was deceased. Then I called you guys. David Phillips: Hey. There's no I.D. on the vic. Lividity is set. Rigidity is still present. Dead no more than twenty-four hours. Warrick: Look at those claw marks. David Phillips: His carotid artery is ripped to shreds. Warrick: He's got a high-powered rifle. He's obviously a hunter, huh? Nick: Safe to say he was mauled by a wild animal? Ranger: Yeah. Nick: Your call came in as "suspicious circs." Is there something else we should know about? (She points off to the side.) Ranger: Yeah, that would be the other body. Um -- Follow me. (The Ranger leads Warrick, Nick and David Phillips to the second body: A large Kodiak bear.) Warrick: Damn. Ranger: It's a Kodiak. It's nonnative to the continental US. Shot twice in the head. The stomach's been cut open. Warrick: That's a pretty deep cut. You think the hunter was just trying to defend himself? David Phillips: Well, I didn't find a blade on the decedent. Ranger: And there's no way a person can come this close to a live bear. Nick: Got some broken branches over here. (Nick is checking out the bushes nearby.) Nick: Directionality faces away from the victim and the animal. (He finds and picks a piece of torn material stuck on the branches.) Nick: Looks like someone even tore their pants. Khakis. Vic's wearing jeans and a nylon vest. I bet somebody else was out here, and they were running for their life. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Catherine walks in and grabs her lab coat. She walks over to Dr. Robbins' examining table where the large Kodiak bear is.) Catherine: I had to see with my own eyes. You're actually autopsying a bear. Robbins: It's called a necropsy. And as the head M.E., it falls under my purview. I'm going to write an article for the journal. They love this sort of stuff. (Catherine looks over at the other table with the dead hunter on it.) Catherine: Yeah. You have a cause of death on him? Robbins: I can confirm he was killed by an angry bear. As for the bear -- two bullets to the head. The first, nonfatal, was a straight-on shot. Bears' foreheads are sloped, so the bullet ricocheted off the skull, leaving a copper jacket, which peeled away and embedded in the hide. (He removes the bullet and puts it in the pan.) Robbins: The, uh, fatal bullet entered through the ear, lodged in the brain. I removed it already. (She picks up the bullet from the tray and looks at it.) Catherine: It's lead. No copper jacket. So, the copper jacket had to have come from his rifle. But this is from a handgun. Robbins: So, he shot one bullet with his rifle and another with his pistol. Catherine: Except he didn't have a pistol. Or a knife, for that matter. And his stomach has been slashed open. Robbins: Yeah, and the gallbladder removed. (Robbins points to the cut.) Catherine: Really? Robbins: Postmortem. I can't tell you why. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Warrick snaps photos of the victim's clothes.) (He documents in the file whatever he finds on the clothes. He cuts a piece of something off the clothes and looks at it.) (Nick walks into the lab.) Nick: Hey, man. I ran the vic's prints. Didn't get a hit. Warrick: We found this guy twenty-five miles from civilization. Where'd he come from? Nick: We know someone else was out there. Maybe he drove. (Warrick picks up the watch and hands it to Nick.) Warrick: Check out this guy's watch. It's pretty high-end. (Nick puts it against his wrist to look at the watch face.) Nick: Yeah. Hunting's not exactly a poor man's sport. U.S. presidents still hold up dead ducks for photo ops. Warrick: But it just doesn't match with the guy's clothes. They're kind of raggedy. He's got dirt stains. I could smell the B.O. from the guy's shirt from here. Nick: Some hunters think soap and deodorant tip off their prey. Truth is, body odor's much more pungent. (Catherine joins them.) Catherine: So, Robbins confirmed that our vic was killed by the bear. Nick: Okay. Case closed. Catherine: Uh, not quite. I spoke with the Ranger. There's no way that a Kodiak bear just wanders into Nevada, so whoever smuggled him in could be charged with homicide. Warrick: How's that? Catherine: The bear could be considered a lethal weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT] (Greg is checking out the screw on the car's tire. Sofia walks into the garage.) Greg: Screw. Sofia Curtis: Excuse me? Greg: Tire's valve stem was unscrewed. Two full turns. Sofia Curtis: A slow leaker. Print around the fender. (Greg prints around the fender and finds a print.) (Quick flash of: The person braces himself against the fender as they unscrew the tire. End of flash. Resume to present.) (Sofia smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- PRINT LAB - NIGHT] (Greg runs the print through the database. He finds a match to BRAD HIMMEL, previously arrested for a 462.2 "Drunk and Disorderly".) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Brass and Greg interview Brad Himmel.) Brad Himmel: Yeah, I was at The Top Floor. I hit on a lot of girls. You can't arrest me for that, right? Brass: Tell us about Lori Kyman. Brad Himmel: Yeah, I remember a Lori. Said she was married. Yeah, right. You dress up like that and go to a club ... you're looking to get some. Greg: I found your fingerprints on her car's fender. Brad Himmel: So? I walked her back to her car. I am a gentleman. Greg: Is that when you messed with her tire? Brad Himmel: Is that what this is about? Brass: I don't get out much. Why would you do that? Brad Himmel: I was hoping it would go flat on her way back home, and I'd come along and fix it for her. Brass: And then she'd be appropriately grateful, and what, sleep with you? Brad Himmel: Seemed like a good idea at the time, yeah. 'Course I was tanked. Greg: Okay, so Lori's tire went flat. Brad Himmel: Well, that's the thing: It didn't. I mean, I followed her for like twenty minutes. Way off strip. And, come on, how long can you follow someone for, right? Brass: She never made it home. Brad Himmel: I don't know anything about that. Greg: We're going to need a sample of your DNA. Any objections? (Brad Himmel shakes his head, no.) (An officer enters the room.) Officer: Excuse me. Excuse me, Captain. (Brass walks over to the officer.) Officer: (loud whisper) Found a dead female in Sutor. Description matches Lori Kyman. (Brass looks at Brad.) Brass: Make yourself comfortable. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HIGHWAY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. (SUTOR) HIGHWAY - DAY] (Brass and Sofia walk over to David Phillips, who is taking down the body stats.) Brass: Guy walking his dog found her. David Phillips: Liver temp's 71 degrees. Given the ambient temperature, her T.O.D's roughly thirty-six to forty hours ago. (Sofia looks up at the white birch trees near the body.) (She kneels down next to the body and brushes the hair away from the victim's neck.) Sofia Curtis: Bruises on the neck suggest strangulation. (She snaps a couple of photos.) Sofia Curtis: No attempt to hide the body. Brass: Maybe the suspect was in a hurry. Or he just didn't give a damn. Sofia Curtis: Are you gonna tell the family? Brass: Yeah, how do you tell a little boy he'll never know his mother? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Grissom and Sofia are collecting evidence off of the body. Sofia combs out the debris from the victim's hair.) Sofia Curtis: She was dumped under a white birch. Her hair was full of pollen and tree vegetation. (Grissom tape lifts fibers off the clothes. Sofia picks up a tree pollen and looks at it.) Grissom: Red fibers and blue fibers on her dress. Sofia Curtis: White powder on both palms. (Grissom finds a strand of hair with a tag on it. He looks at it under the magnifying glass.) Grissom: A brown hair with a follicular tag. A person's entire identity balled up in a few nanograms of matter. Sofia Curtis: Assuming one's identity can be wholly quantified by our DNA. Grissom: Well, genetically, it can. We're completely programmed as soon as the sperm hits the egg. Sofia Curtis: So we're defined at a cellular level? Grissom: More or less. Sofia Curtis: No. Identity is the totality of our life experiences and our brain neurons process our relationship to the world and each other. Grissom: I stand corrected. DNA is what we are, not who we are. Sofia Curtis: What we are never changes. Who we are never stops changing. Grissom: Yeah. Whether we like it or not. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Robbins and Catherine are standing over the bear.) Catherine: What's up? Robbins: Well, when I fluoroscoped the bear, looking for other bullets, I noticed a microchip between his shoulder blades. (Robbins shows Catherine the x-ray.) Catherine: I see. Robbins: I removed it, called animal control to borrow a magnetic reader. Check it out. (The AVID Power Tracker II reader shows: AVID*061*032*517.) Robbins: I tracked it down: Clark County Zoo. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CLARK COUNTY ZOO -- DAY] (Catherine and Warrick talk with Sam Tracy at the Clark County Zoo.) Sam Tracy: Are you sure the bear came from our zoo? Catherine: Well, the microchip was registered to you. Take a look. (She shows him a photo of the bear.) Sam Tracy: Oh, God. It's Tippy. What happened? Warrick: You mean you didn't know he was missing? Sam Tracy: We sold him to a broker a few weeks ago. He said he found him a home at the Columbus Zoo. Catherine: A broker? Sam Tracy: Animal broker. Visitors want to see babies. The brokers find other zoos to purchase our surplus adult animals. You know, Tippy was so gentle, he'd eat grapes right out of my hand. Catherine: Well, we're going to need to see some paperwork. Sam Tracy: Yeah, I'll pull the file, but ... I remember the broker's name. It's Ken Bovitz. Out of Chicago. He mailed me his broker's license and documentation. The board approved the sale last fall. (He sighs.) They'll want to know what went wrong. Catherine: Yeah, so do we. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Sara is testing the car tires. She and Greg sit in front of the turning tire. Sara is holding a stopwatch.) Greg: You giving the car a workout? Sara: Well, you know how you said that the suspect admitted to following Lori, but when the tire didn't go flat, he gave up? Grissom wants me to disprove his account. Greg: How long has the wheel been going round and round? Sara: Three hours and nine minutes. Greg: She left the club around eleven. Time of death was between midnight and 1:00 A.M. Sara: Lori died before the tire went flat. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Warrick is looking at a web page on the computer. Catherine is sitting next to him.) Warrick: I think I know why someone snagged that bear's gallbladder. Apparently, in the southeast Asian community, some men believe it enhances their virility. It contains some chemical called ursodeoxycholic acid. These gallbladders are going for $500 a pop. Catherine: I, uh, talked to the zoo in Columbus. They never heard of Tippy. Warrick: Hmm. Any luck with the broker? Catherine: The Department of Agriculture never issued a license for a Ken Bovitz. Documents are fake. I sent them to Q.D. for analysis. (Nick walks into the lab.) Nick: We may have an ID on our hunter. Uniforms found an abandoned Mercedes. Plates came back to a Mr. Rod Hollis, who had hunting permits that included tags for wild goats, deer, and bighorn sheep. Catherine: And what about Kodiaks? NICK: That would be a no. Mr. Hollis's wife's on her way to P.D., so I'm gonna head over there right now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- DAY] (Nick interviews Faith Hollis.) Faith Hollis: To be honest, I haven't seen my husband in over a year. Nick: You were separated? Faith Hollis: He made it big in venture capital. Retired at 32. That's when we started having problems. The officer said Rod died while hunting. Can I ask what happened? Nick: He was mauled by a bear. Ms. Hollis, I have reason to believe there was somebody else out there with him. Any idea who? Faith Hollis: No. In our circle of friends, he was the only one who owned a gun. We used to fight about his sport. I showed him studies about how the animals suffer, how even the best hunters don't always get center shots. Well ... I guess brutality begets brutality. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins goes over the body with Grissom.) Robbins: C.O.D. is asphyxia due to manual strangulation. Petechiae in the eyes and mouth and extensive bruising in the strap muscles of the neck. Grissom: Sexual assault? Robbins: No abrasions or contusions to the v*g1n*. No semen on the SART exam. Grissom: Is this a burn? Robbins: No tissue reaction means it's post-mortem. If she were alive at the time, it'd have a red edge. This one's bland. Burn extends subcutaneously, so the skin made contact with something hotter than 150 degrees. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (Sofia walks into the lab.) Sofia Curtis: Talk to me, Hodges. David Hodges: Well, you kind of inundated me with work. I should be cranky. But, uh, I don't get cranky. Let's start with the white powder you found on your victim's hands. It's talcum power without the talc. Sofia Curtis: Excuse me? David Hodges: Talcum powder can contain asbestos fibers. Who wants to put asbestos on their baby? So, today's baby powders are made from cornstarch, and are technically talc-free. Did your victim have her baby with her at the club? Sofia Curtis: No, he was at home. David Hodges: So maybe the baby powder was on her hands when she left the house. Sofia Curtis: Well, we know she was drinking, so she was probably peeing. Dave Hodges: And unlike some of the men in this lab, whose initials are Greg Sanders, she probably washes her hands. So the baby powder shouldn't even be there. Sofia Curtis: Tell me about the fibers we collected from her clothing. (He hands her the print-out results.) David Hodges: Blue ones have a high twist rate and are composed of nylon and polyester olefins. I'd say synthetic berber. And the red ones are under the scope. (Sofia looks at the scope.) [SCOPE VIEW: FIBERS] Sofia Curtis: Trilobal. From a car. Vic's clothing was covered in them. David Hodges: My guess, she was rolling around in someone's trunk. Sofia Curtis: Can you be more specific? David Hodges: You bet. It's Wilton wool. Very high-end. And given the unique shade of red, I'd say that you're looking at the world's fastest four-seat coupe: the Bentley Continental GT. Sofia Curtis: Thank you. (Sofia leaves. Hodges watches her go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. THE TOP FLOOR - PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (Brass and Sofia talk with the valet.) Valet: Yeah, I was here last night. Sofia Curtis: You park a Bentley? Valet: Oh, man, my memory's not so good since, um ... well, I can't really remember. Brass: You don't remember a Bentley? Valet: Let me see what I got. (He turns around to check his log.) Brass: Yeah. Valet: Yeah, here you go. One Bentley. Came in at 8:32. Parked it in spot 19C. Brass: Do you remember, uh, what the driver looked like? Sofia Curtis: Male? Female? Black? Caucasian? Brass: Young? Old? He have a hat on? Valet: (shakes his head) Sorry. Brass: Okay. Valet: Sorry ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM - NIGHT] (Amy Maynard is sitting in the waiting room when Sara walks in.) Sara: Amy. (They shake hands.) Thanks for coming. Amy Maynard: Of course. How can I help? Sara: The other night at the club, I was wondering if you happened to notice anyone driving a Bentley. Amy Maynard: That would be me. Birthday gift from my father. Sara: Would you mind if I took a look at it? Amy Maynard: You want to see my car? Why? Sara: We found fibers from a Bentley on Lori's clothing. Amy Maynard: Lori was in my car all the time, especially last week. (Sara shakes her head.) Mark was using hers. Sara: The fibers we found are from the floor or a trunk. (Amy takes the key off her ring and gives it to Sara.) Amy Maynard: It's in the lot. I'll call my father. He'll pick me up. (Amy stands up to leave. Sara stops her.) Sara: Amy ... did Lori use the ladies' room at the club? (Amy sits down.) Amy Maynard: Yeah. We both did. Sara: Do you know if she washed her hands? Amy Maynard: Why are you asking me all these questions? Sara: We're pursuing a lead. Amy Maynard: Lori was like a sister to me. Investigate me all you want, but when you're done, you should take a look at Mark. Sara: Mark. I thought you said ... Amy Maynard: (interrupts) I know what I said. That was before she turned up dead. And I'm not saying he did it, and Lori ... she never said anything. It's just sometimes, um ... he can get rough. (Sara makes a note on her paper.) Sara: And you know this because ... ? (Sara interprets Amy's look correctly.) You were the other woman. Amy Maynard: One of them. I'm not proud of it. Sara: Did Mark get rough with you? Amy Maynard: That's why I ended it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT] (Sara opens the trunk to Amy Maynard's car. She looks into the trunk and sighs heavily.) (Greg walks into the garage.) Greg: You started without me. Sara: Actually, I finished without you. Take a look. Greg: Carpet's black. Fibers on the vic's clothing were red. Sara: Obviously, we can rule out this car. Greg: I don't mean to pry, but you want to talk about what happened with you and Ecklie? Sara: Not really. Greg: I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a good listener. Sara: I blew up at Ecklie. It was very unprofessional. And very satisfying, and now I'm moving on. Thanks for asking. (Sara closes the trunk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. KYMAN RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Mark shows Sofia and Grissom into the nursery.) Mark Kyman: (quietly) Joey just fell asleep, so please, keep your voices down. Sofia Curtis: All we need is a sample of baby powder. (Mark walks over to the crib. Grissom notices the carpet.) Grissom: (loudly) This is Berber carpet, isn't it? Mark Kyman: Yeah, Lori thought it'd be good for a boy's room. (Sofia takes a sample of the baby powder.) Grissom: I'd like to take a small sample. (Grissom puts his kit down.) Mark Kyman: What's going on? Grissom: Just collecting evidence. Mark Kyman: You're coming after me? Because I've cooperated. I've let you swab my mouth and let you take my prints. I love my wife. I miss her. (He turns back to look at Joey.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY/BREAK ROOM] (Sara turns the corner and walks down the hallway. Inside the break room at the end of the hallway, she sees Grissom and Sofia sitting side-by-side at the table with their backs to the door. They appear very comfortable together.) (Sara walks into the break room. They turn around when she speaks.) Sara: DNA from Lori's shirt came back. It matches her husband. Sofia Curtis: That could be probative. (Sara nods.) Grissom: Or casual transfer unrelated to the case. Sara: I also picked up your trace results. (She hands the print results to Grissom. The findings read: CORNSTARCH, ZINC OXIDE, TOCOPHERYLZ SAMPLE IS CONSISTENT WITH EVIDENCE COLLECTED FROM LORI KYMAN AUTOPSY ) Grissom: Baby powder on Lori's palms is consistent with the baby powder we found at the Kymans' residence. Sara: According to her girlfriend, Lori washed her hands at the club. Sofia Curtis: Which suggests that Lori came home before she was killed. Grissom: Which contradicts the husband's account. Sara: I hate to state the obvious, but maybe the husband is lying. Sofia Curtis: All right, well, let's say she came home first. (Quick flash of: [NURSERY] Lori is changing Joey. Mark walks up to her and puts his hands on her shoulders. Lori looks at him and smiles. He starts choking her. End of flash. Resume to present.) Sofia Curtis: Mark killed her, drove her out to Sutor, and dumped the body. Grissom: One problem. Mark doesn't have a car and the carpet fibers we found on Lori's clothing are inconsistent with her Lexus. Sara: Or, maybe Lori came home, she and Mark had a fight. Maybe she found out he was fooling around again. (Quick flash to: [BOULDER HIGHWAY - NIGHT] The car travels quickly on the road.) Sara: (V.O.) She takes off, drives around. (The tire bursts.) Sara: (V.O.) Tire eventually goes flat. (Lori pulls off the side of the road and gets out of the car.) Sara: (V.O.) She pulls over to the side of the road and a stranger comes along and abducts her. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sofia Curtis: (disbelieving) A stranger driving a Bentley? (Sara nods sideways.) Grissom: (to Sofia) Hey, the rich are just as deviant as the poor. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - NIGHT] (Bindle label: BULLET FRAGMENT DB C. WILLOWS (Bobby Dawson processes the bullets.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - NIGHT -- LATER] (Warrick walks into the ballistics lab.) Warrick: Hey, Dawson. Bobby Dawson: Yo. Warrick: Any progress on those bullets? Well, the copper jacket came from your vic's rifle there. A .30-caliber Winchester, model 70. Warrick: What about the fatal bullet? Bobby Dawson: That came from a .357 magnum revolver. Warrick: A .357? Bobby Dawson: Ran the baby through IBIS and get this: The gun was used in a '98 robbery. The suspect was arrested but released on insufficient evidence and the gun was returned. Warrick: You got a name for him? Bobby Dawson: Aaron Colite, from Henderson. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HENDERSON COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. COLITE RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Aaron Colite shows Warrick, Nick and an officer into the living room.) Warrick: Why don't you just stand up by the counter, sir? Here's your warrant that we have here for your .357 magnum revolver. We know you once used it in a '98 robbery. Serial number ML5684. We don't want you to get it. Why don't you just point and show us where it is. Aaron Colite: What's this about? Nick: Where's the gun, sir? Aaron Colite: Right under the TV. (Nick opens the door to the cabinet under the TV and removes the gun.) Nick: Okay, Mr. Colite, this gun is going into evidence. Aaron Colite: Look, I was cleared in that robbery years ago. Nick: You know, someone killed a Kodiak bear up in the Black Mountains the day before yesterday. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Aaron Colite: Yeah, I did. I killed it. Nick: Excuse me? Aaron Colite: I killed it. Look, I was ... I was out hunting. (Quick flashback to: Aaron Colite is out in the woods. He looks through his binoculars and sees Rod Hollis being mauled by a bear.) Rod Hollis: Help! Help me! ROD HOLLIS: Stop! Help! ROD HOLLIS: Help me! Help! ROD HOLLIS: Help! (He takes out his gun and fires.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Aaron Colite: By the time I shot the bear, the guy was already dead. Nick: You mind if I have a look around? Aaron Colite: Yeah, I do, actually. Warrick: You just admitted a felony of killing a bear. Why didn't you report it? (Nick looks around the place.) Aaron Colite: I've been through the wringer with you guys once before. I figured a guy was dead. There was nothing I could do about it. I took off. (Nick finds blood smudges on the wall.) Aaron Colite: Look, I've got a hunting license with tags. I was out hunting deer. Tried to save a guy's life. That's it. (Nick opens the freezer and finds a ziplocked bag with the bear's stomach inside. Nick takes the bag out.) Nick: Whoa, Mr. Colite. I just have one more question for you. How long have you been storing gallbladders with your ice cream? Aaron Colite: It ain't illegal to cut up a dead animal as long as it's already dead. That's the law. Warrick: Could you lift your pants leg for me, please, sir? Aaron Colite: For what? Warrick: Someone snagged their pant leg on a tree, probably cut themselves. I wanted to see if it was you. (Aaron takes his pants off and pushes it down past his knees.) Aaron Colite: Take a look. Wasn't me. (There's no cut on his leg. Warrick turns to the officer and motions him toward Aaron Colite.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (Catherine and Nick walk through the hallway.) Catherine: So Robbins sent the bear's blood to tox. It turns out there were elevated levels of ketamine in its system. Nick: Barbiturates? Catherine: (scoffs) Yeah. (Nick pauses for a long moment, thinking.) Nick: I think I know what's going on here, Catherine. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (On the monitor, video of a rhino being shot is shown.) Nick: They're called canned hunts. Going on all over the country. Catherine: I'm sorry. There's just no sport in that. It's just sick. Nick: Well, you got that right. Point is, you don't have to go to Africa to hunt wild game anymore. If you've got the money, Africa comes to you. Catherine: And they drug the animals? Nick: To guarantee a kill, yeah. Catherine: But in our case, both the hunter and the prey ended up dead. Nick: Something went wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Grissom sits behind his desk. Sara knocks on the door and walks into his office.) Sara: Hey. Oh, filling out reports? (Sara sits down.) Grissom: They tell me it's my job. (She smiles at him.) You doing okay? Sara: Yeah. Thanks. I, uh, did a DMV search. There are only five Bentleys with red interior registered in Clark County. Two are leased. Two are privately owned. I ran the ROs. Nothing suspicious. PD is following up. Grissom: What about the fifth one? Sara: Well, that one is owned by a Boutique Rental Car Agency. I subpoenaed the rental history. Diane Hoyt, Lori's mother, had the car for the last two weeks. She returned it the day after Lori disappeared. Grissom: Where is it now? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Greg stands in front of the Bentley, admiring the car. Sara and Sofia walk up behind him.) Greg: If you've added up every cent I've made in my entire life, I still wouldn't be able to afford half this car. (They walk up to the car.) Sara: Yeah, but why would you want it? The insurance premiums are sky-high. Not to mention theft, scratches. Greg: It's art. And I'd have every girl in the neighborhood after me. Sofia Curtis: Not when they saw your apartment. Sara: You've been to Greg's apartment? Sofia Curtis: Who hasn't? (Greg opens the trunk. The carpet is red.) Greg: Red carpet. Same as the interior. Sara: Recently vacuumed. Sofia Curtis: We got better vacuums. VARIOUS CUTS OF THE CAR BEING PROCESSED (Sofia vacuums the trunk of the car.) (Quick CGI of: Particles are picked up through the vacuum nozzle, zooms through the tubing and catches on the filter. End of CGI. Resume to present.) (She removes the filter and puts it in the bag Greg holds open.) (Sara opens the car engine and looks inside. She finds a pod inside.) (Quick flash of: [SUTOR] Camera pans up to the trees. A pod from the tree falls and hits the windshield. It slips down under the engine hood. End of flash. Resume to present.) Sara: You found pods in the victim's hair, right? (Sara picks up the pod.) Sofia Curtis: Same shape, size, color. Too bad we can't ID this pod and tie it to that tree. Greg: Who says we can't? Plant DNA is no different than human DNA. In fact, a plant genome is larger. I'm on it. Sofia Curtis: If we can prove the pod came from that dump site, you know what that means? Sara: Lori's mother is a viable suspect. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] VARIOUS CUTS OF: (Greg processes the pod.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Brass and Sofia interview Diane Hoyt with her lawyer, Carol Allred.) Carol Allred (lawyer): Why are you asking my client about a rental car? Brass: It may be probative to our investigation of her daughter's death. Diane Hoyt: I'll answer anything they want. I backed my car into a telephone pole. So I put it in the shop. I had to rent a car. Brass: At a grand a day, a Bentley's a little extravagant. I mean, I usually rent a Taurus. Diane Hoyt: It's a fantasy car. Ever since Amy got hers, I've wanted one, so I splurged. Brass: Was the vehicle ever out of your possession? Diane Hoyt: You mean, did I let anybody drive it? Brass: That's what I mean, yeah. Diane Hoyt: Lori and Mark both did. But I was always with them. Brass: Ms. Hoyt, did you drive your car to Sutor, Nevada? Diane Hoyt: No. Carol Allred (lawyer): Where are you going with this? Sofia Curtis: On the hood of the vehicle, which affirmatively matched the plant material we found in Lori's hair. All of which came from the same tree in Sutor. Carol Allred (lawyer): Okay, but my client returned the Bentley the day before yesterday. It was washed and then rented again, so perhaps that individual drove through Sutor on his or her way out of town. Or, as you know, that "pod" could be weeks or months old. Sofia Curtis: We also collected a number of errant hairs from the vehicle. Several are consistent with Mark and Lori's DNA and also Joey's, but not yours. Carol Allred (lawyer): Okay, I'm sorry. You don't have a DNA sample of my client's for comparison purposes. Sofia Curtis: No, but we have her daughter's. You're not Lori's biological mother, are you? Diane Hoyt: I'm her stepmom. That's not a secret. (chokes) I couldn't have children of my own. Ever since Lori's father died a few months ago, she's all I had. (Sofia stands up.) Diane Hoyt: Look, Mark is devastated. I really should get back to my grandson. Sofia Curtis: Before you go, could we take a DNA sample? Carol Allred (lawyer): You do not have to do that. Brass: Yeah, but if she has nothing to hide, it's no big deal. Sofia Curtis: Could you open your mouth? (Sofia takes a swab.) Carol Allred (lawyer): All right. That's it. We're finished here. Let's go. (Carol stands up and leads Diane Hoyt out of the interview room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY -CONTINUOUS] (The interview room door opens. Carol Allred and Diane Hoyt leave the room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (Brass remains sitting in the chair.) Sofia Curtis: What are you thinking? (Brass sighs.) Brass: We have nothing to arrest her on. (He gets up and leaves the room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY -CONTINUOUS] (Brass steps out into the hallway and stands in the doorway. Sofia steps out of the room.) Sofia Curtis: And we have unexplained evidence placing Lori back at the house after her night out. (They start walking down the hallway.) Brass: That's why I like the husband. Maybe they're in it together. Sofia Curtis: Well, when two people of the opposite s*x conspire to kill one of their partners, s*x or money is almost always involved. Now, Lori's friend, Amy, did say Mark was a player. Brass: Hello, Mrs. Robinson. Sofia Curtis: I had this boyfriend back in college, and when he got his first Harley, well, let's just say we sat face-to-face and went for a ride. Brass: A Bentley is a lot more comfortable than a bike. (She chuckles. They continue down the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Sofia is using the ALS on the Bentley's upholstery. She finds something. She takes a swab of it.) (Cut to: Kneeling in front of her kit, Sofia puts the swab in the box. She notices some flesh hanging off the exhaust pipe.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - QUESTIONED DOCUMENTS LAB] (Ronnie Litre goes over his findings with Catherine.) Ronnie Litre: Document was forged by taking an official license issued by the Department of Agriculture and scraping away the top layer of information. Document was then photocopied, and the bogus info was typed in. Take a look. Catherine: Mm-hmm. A simple forgery, but it doesn't get us any closer to our suspect. Ronnie Litre: Actually, it does. See, a couple years back, some photocopier companies started imbedding their machines with serial numbers less than a millimeter in size and visible only under a blue L-E-D light. Catherine: Of course. (Ronnie shines the light and exposes the number: 2407270313.) Catherine: (smiles) I see it. Ronnie Litre: It's as good as fingerprint. Catherine: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CLARK COUNTY ZOO -- DAY] (Warrick and Catherine re-question Sam Tracy.) Sam Tracy: And you think the broker's documentation was forged here on my copier? Catherine: We know it was. Warrick: Mr. Tracy, tell us about canned hunts. Sam Tracy: Uh, a wild animal is released into a controlled area where a hunter pays a fee to kill it. The promoters guarantee a trophy, so no kill, no pay. They're illegal in Nevada. Is that what happened to my bear? Catherine: Aaron Colite worked here, right? Sam Tracy: Yeah. Maintenance. Catherine: You fired him? Sam Tracy: About six months ago. We let a lot people go. Cutbacks. Warrick: Well, the evidence places Aaron at the crime scene. Sam Tracy: Wait, so you're thinking he forged the broker's document and took Tippy under false pretenses? Warrick: No. We spoke to your distributor. Your copy machine was only installed two months ago. We think you created the false document. Catherine: We suspect that Aaron figured out a way to make a buck, and he asked for your help. Warrick: So Aaron organizes this canned hunt. A few days ago, you guys meet up with Rod Hollis up at Lake Mead . (Quick flash to: [WOODS - NIGHT] Rod Hollis, Aaron Colite and Sam Tracy walk through the woods. Aaron Colite points out the bear to Rod Hollis.) Aaron Colite: Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod! Aaron Colite: Right there. You see him? (Rod sees the bear.) Rod Hollis: Yes! (He shoots and hits the bear in the head. The bear goes down.) Rod Hollis: Yes! I got him! Aaron Colite: Yep, you got him. (End of flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: Mr. Hollis probably thought that he had killed the bear, and he raced over to claim his trophy. (Quick flash to: [WOODS - NIGHT] Rod Hollis walks over to the bear. The bear gets up and whacks Rod on the side of his head. Sam Tracy stares in shock. He turns and runs. The bear attacks Rod.) (Aaron takes out his gun.) Rod Hollis: Help! Help! Help me! Help! (Aaron fires.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: His shot only stunned the bear. It was Aaron's shot that killed it. Sam Tracy: You can't prove I was there. Warrick: Would you lift up your pants legs, please, sir? Sam Tracy: What? Warrick: I have the judge on speed dial. You want to save me some time here? (Quick flash to: [WOODS - NIGHT] Sam Tracy turns and runs. In his panic, he bumps into the bushes and scrapes his leg on the branches.) Rod Hollis: Help! Help! Help me! (Aaron fires.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Sam Tracy: I got this gardening. Warrick: We subpoenaed Aaron's bank records. Rod Hollis sent Aaron a check for $16,000. Aaron sent you a check for $8,000. That's a 50-50 split. Catherine: You're looking at grand larceny and obtaining property under false pretenses. Warrick: That's about twenty years right there. Catherine: I'm recommending to the DA that he add another charge: Second degree murder ... (In the background, we hear the sounds of a vehicle and of dispatch over a police band radio. Sam Tracy turns around and sees the officer get out of the car. He closes the door.) Catherine: ... for the death of the hunter. (Sam Tracy closes his eyes and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY] (Sara interviews Brad Himmel with his attorney, Margaret Finn.) Sara: We found your client's semen mixed with a vaginal contribution from Diane Hoyt in the back of her rental car. You said you had nothing to do with Lori's murder. Would you like to revise that statement? Brad Himmel: No. I met Diane, uh, two weeks ago at Rain. Banged the cougar that night, but I had no idea she was anybody's mother. Sara: So you haven't spoken to her since? Brad Himmel: Well, that's the whole point of banging a cougar -- you never got to see 'em again. Sara: One lie after another. Margaret Finn (lawyer): Are you questioning my client's veracity? (Sara puts the phone record on the table.) Sara: These are your client's cell phone records. Semen in the car was enough to get a warrant. On the night that Lori was murdered, he called Ms. Hoyt on her cell phone at 11:23 P.M. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY] (Sofia interviews Diane Hoyt with her attorney, Carol Allred.) Diane Hoyt: No, I don't know him. Sofia Curtis: You've never seen or spoken to this man? Diane Hoyt: No, not that I remember. Sofia Curtis: Hmm. Do you remember the men you have s*x with? Carol Allred (lawyer): Ms. Curtis, that is uncalled for. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY] Sara: Here's the deal. Lori left the club around eleven. By your client's own admission, he followed her for about twenty minutes, waiting for the tire to go flat. When it didn't, you called her mother. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY] Sofia Curtis: It was all a setup. Brad was going to strike up a conversation with Lori at the club, and on her way home, abduct her. And then, one or both of you were going to kill her. (Diane bursts out laughing. Her lawyer chuckles along.) Sofia Curtis: But when you got his call ... You went to plan B. Diane Hoyt: I left Lori's house, drove home and went to bed. Sofia Curtis: You never left. Mark fell asleep in the living room, and you waited for Lori to come home. (Quick flashback to: [NURSERY - NIGHT] Lori is changing Joey's diaper when Diane walks into the room. She grabs Lori from behind and starts choking her. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sofia Curtis: Lori's body was too heavy for you to carry, so you called for help ... on Mark and Lori's phone. (Sofia shows the phone log to the lawyer.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY] Sara: You got her call at 1:17 A.M. Coroner puts Lori's death at some time between 12:00 and 1:00 A.M. Brad Himmel: Well, which means I didn't kill her, like I told you. Margaret Finn (lawyer): Brad, be quiet. Sara: Oh, I never thought you did kill her, but you did help get rid of the body, and that is conspiracy after the fact. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY] Carol Allred (lawyer): Now, Mark would've heard something, and if he's claiming he didn't, I'd be looking at him. Sofia Curtis: The living room's at the other end of the house. He was asleep. Carol Allred (lawyer): Prove it. Sofia Curtis: I don't need to. We found something of Lori's on the rental exhaust pipe: Her skin. (Quick flash of: [SUTOR - NIGHT] Diane backs up the car. Brad is in the passenger seat. She backs up too much and bumps into Lori's dead body, skinning her leg with the exhaust pipe and searing the flesh at the same time. End of flash. Resume to present.) Sofia Curtis: Your client's on record. The vehicle was never out of her possession. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1 - DAY] Sara: You drove back to the house, picked up Lori's Lexus, drove back into town. Tire went flat off Boulder Highway. Margaret Finn (lawyer): You can't prove that. Sara: When we suspected Brad's involvement, we printed the interior of the Lexus. Your prints are on the steering wheel. (Margaret Finn whispers to Brad Himmel.) Margaret Finn (lawyer): Is there a deal to be made? Sara: Why did Diane Hoyt want Lori dead? Brad Himmel: I don't know. The lady paid me 2,000 bucks. Um ... said she was having a fight with her daughter and wanted to make good ... um, only Lori wouldn't return her calls, so it was my job to get 'em together. When she called me and asked me for my help later that night, she said she'd pay me $2,000 more. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Sofia and Sara are walking down the hallway when Greg walks up to them from behind.) Greg: I know why she did it. While you two were at P.D., I called the family lawyer. He faxed over a copy of Lori's father's trust. Estate's worth $50 million. Sofia Curtis: He left it all to Lori? Greg: No, to her son. Lori was the trustee with a stipend of $2.5 mil a year. If anything were to happen to Lori, guess who takes her place? Sara: Her stepmom. Greg: Yup. (Sofia chuckles.) Sofia Curtis: Listen, you guys, I'll catch up later. (Sofia walks away. Greg turns to Sara.) Greg: Hmm. She's fitting in pretty well, huh? (Sara turns and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS] (Sofia walks into Grissom's office.) Sofia Curtis: You got a minute? Grissom: Sure. You did a nice job on the case. Sofia Curtis: I, uh ... I just wanted you to know that I've enjoyed working with you. (Grissom turns around and looks at Sofia.) Grissom: Well, I've enjoyed working with you as well. Sofia Curtis: No, it's time I made a change. I don't like the direction the lab's headed. (Grissom takes off his glasses.) Grissom: You mean Ecklie? You can't pay any attention to him. Sofia Curtis: No, you got a good team, but I was a supervisor. My demotion was undeserved, and every day I'm here, I'm reminded of that. (Grissom thinks about it. He looks at Sofia.) Sofia Curtis: What? Grissom: Well, someone once said, "What we are never changes, but who we are ... never stops changing." (Sofia smiles at Grissom.) Grissom: Let's have dinner, shall we?

Catherine and her team investigate when a hunter and a Kodiak bear are found dead in the mountains. Meanwhile Grissom's team look into the death of a young mother.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_05x18

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_05x18_0

Outside the Dot, Darcy is waiting in Spinner's car (Peter, Manny, Emma and Spinner walk out of the Dot.) Emma: Later skater. Manny: Thanks Spin. Emma: Hey there's Darcy. Manny: Hey you should have come in for coffee! Emma: What's up? Peter: Hey. Spinner: Come on! I thought you guys would never leave. Go, go, go. (They all leave and Spinner gets in the car.) Spinner: Work, exams, work, exams. I needs me some Darcy. (They start kissing.) Darcy: I have something to show you. Kim got me a job as a counsellor. Spinner: Darcy does summer camp. Sounds like my kind of movie. Sucks I'm gonna have to stay here in Toronto and miss it. Darcy: With lots and lots of other girls around. Spinner: Darcy I don't want to be with anyone else. You're everything to me. (They start kissing again and Darcy pulls back.) Darcy: Sorry Spinner. We can't. We took a vow. We have to remain virgins 'til marriage. Spinner: Virgins. Yeah totally. In the cafeteria Emma: You're chipper for someone who was on the phone with Craig until 3. Manny: It's you in the food line. Emma: Beats the hospital. Yay therapy. Although compared to the caf, hospital food gets a bad rap. Manny: Oh no. Food and drinks. We need refreshments for the variety show and I still don't have a tech crew. Peter: Manny you're the director, the lead actor... Emma: This is your show. Take charge. Spinner: I've been reading blogs by Christian teens on abstinence. It's all about prevention so we have to find ways to stay busy. Manny: Okay all you Degrassi-ites, the variety show needs volunteers so come on everyone, show some support! Danny: Take it off! (Derek cheers and they give each other a high 5.) Spinner: How perfect is this? Man when God answers prayers he is quick. Sign us up Manny. (Manny hugs Spinner and Darcy gives an angry look.) Manny: Oh my gosh, Spinner you are my hero. (Darcy clears her throat.) Manny: And you too Darcy. In a classroom Ms. Hatzilakos: So grad weekend is almost here and our fiftieth anniversary variety show's coming together very nicely. Attention spans are zero so it must mean that it's time for my post secondary preparedness class. First up, finances. Paige: Um my hoped for University, Banting. Plethora of scholarships, but when it comes to me they haven't been so accepty yet. Ms. Hatzilakos: Well acceptances are just trickling in and I'm sure when yours comes in Paige you'll be prepared. Paige: I'm prepared for a nervous breakdown if it doesn't. Alex: Maybe I'll get a tattoo. Paige: Hello discussing the future here. My future. As in things that could affect the rest of my life. Alex: Or I could learn how to play the bass! Paige: These are your future plans? Things that could happen next week? Alex: It's called living in the now and we both know the most important thing about the now is me. At the movie theatre Paige: Look the big envelope from Banting and everyone knows the big envelope means you get in and I did! I got in! We are so out of here. Alex: You're late and our boss has been breathing down my neck. Paige: Um what part of we are so out of here didn't you understand? Alex: We? I didn't get into Banting. Customer: And don't forget topping halfway and then again on top. Paige: Well maybe you could come with. We could get our own cozy, little place. Alex: Sounds cozy, but what would I actually do in Kingston? Paige: You could work. Get a transfer from the movie theatre. Customer: You can keep that topping coming, miss. Alex: You'll be studying your butt off and making new friends and I'll still be dishing out popcorn? Customer: Miss, do I need to show you what I mean by more topping myself? (Alex presses the pump angrily a bunch of times.) Alex: Can't wait for your heart attack. Customer: Next time you insult a customer, maybe not in front of your manager. Manager: Alex can I see you in my office? Inside the movie theatre, Darcy is kissing Spinner's neck Spinner: Stop. Stop. Darcy: Do I have cooties all of a sudden? Spinner: I just...I don't want it to go too far, okay? Darcy: I bet if Manny were here she'd be all over you, just like in the caf. Spinner: Oh that was nothing. That's just Manny's way. She's always like that. Darcy: I can only imagine what she was like when you two were going out. Spinner: Want a play by play? Darcy: Spare me. I can barely stand the idea of you being with her and all. Spinner: Truth is when I was with Manny we did nothing together. Zip. Darcy: You're serious? Spinner: Yeah I wasn't even into her that way. Her whole sexual past...just turned me off. Darcy: So you're really a virgin? Spinner: I'm so virginal, Mary's jealous. Darcy: I feel so bad now about Manny. You know if she just repented and purified herself, her past could totally go away. Spinner: You can do that? Darcy: Yeah it's a ceremonial thing. I think it could really help her. Outside the theatre, Spinner is getting food Spinner: Hey. Paige: Candy and a chick flick? Someone's got it bad. Spinner: Yeah well it's no Clown Academy 2, but if Darcy's happy, I'm happy. But you're not. Paige: I'm great. Everything's peachy. (Spinner sees the pamphlets.) Spinner: Banting? Paige: You're looking at their newest acceptee! Spinner: Paige that's awesome. Get over here! (They hug.) Spinner: Woah. Banting is like the Harvard of the north. I'm like so happy for you. This is so cool. Paige: Oh candy's on me. It's my treat. (Spinner leaves and Alex walks over.) Alex: The evil one made me clean the bathrooms. Then she fired me. Paige: For the topping incident? Alex: Strike 3. Goodbye polyester, hello unemployment. I don't want this stupid job. It's time I move on. Do something else. Paige: Anything in mind? Alex: Right now? No. I just got fired. Can we lay off the career planning just for tonight? I have to go. See you tomorrow? (They kiss and Alex leaves.) In a jewellery store Spinner: I saw these last night. They're Claddagh rings. See when the heart faces the body it means commitment, being honest and true to each other. Darcy: Spinner they're beautiful. (He puts the ring on her finger.) Spinner: To our future together. Darcy: I love it. (They hug.) At the variety show rehearsals Manny: And one, two, three, four. Cut it. (Spinner walks in and hugs Darcy.) Manny: There's my favourite techie. The lighting board needs a front. Get acquainted. (Spinner walks over to the equipment.) Manny: He so has a thing for cheerleaders. You're number three...and a lock to lead the squad next year. Darcy: You think so? Manny: Yeah you're pretty, you're graceful, a natural dancer. Plus you didn't get kicked off 'cause everyone saw your boobs. So that's a bonus. Darcy: Manny I've been thinking, you know if you want a fresh start the door is always open at Friendship Club. Manny: Um sweetie the nun lifestyle rules aren't exactly my scene. Darcy: Trust me. Anyone can change. I mean look at Spin. Prayer, abstinence, he's a believer. Manny: As in absti-no-sex? Kudos to you for making that happen with Spin. You must be a miracle worker. Darcy: Wait. Um are you saying that you and Spinner have had s*x? Manny: Darcy, are you serious? What has he been telling you? In Ms. Kwan's class Ms. Kwan: Congratulations on all your hard work. Believe me no matter what you do, you'll thank me for your excellent communication skills. Alex. (Alex looks at her test and sees a C.) Alex: Thanks for nothing. Jimmy: Oh A...! I am on fire! Paige: That will impress the pants off any admissions office. Jimmy: I hope so because I'm a couple credits short and uh still all up in the air. Alex: You don't know exactly what's gonna happen and the sky isn't falling? Amazing! Paige: She's high on carpe diem. Side effect of being fired. Alex: I'll get another job or there's always welfare. Paige: Great plan Alex. That sounds like fun. Alex: Fun. Do you even know what that is? (Paige looks at her test and she got an A.) Paige: This, this is fun. Do you realize how close I am to that scholarship? Alex: You want fun? Let's cut class tomorrow. Do something we've never done before. Something wild and crazy and totally nuts! (Paige doesn't say anything.) Alex: Or there's a sale on at the mall. In the auditorium Liberty: You're starting with the 60s, then moving onto the 1800s? This is a mess. Many: Okay it's called creative liberty, Liberty and I am an actor, not a historian. Liberty: Fine, but I don't think Charlotte Degrassi had an MP3 player. Manny: I need to steal your boyfriend Darcy. Liberty: Nate has mono. Spinner you are Victor. Manny, Charlotte. Spinner: Wait, wait, wait. I'm on lighting. I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. Liberty: Yeah the show's in two days. We don't have time to discuss this. Read now. Spinner: Um Charlotte promise me you'll be mine forever. Manny: Of course Victor! Our love shall last a lifetime. Spinner: Marry me Charlotte. Manny: I will Victor. I will! (They pretend to kiss each other jokingly and Darcy walks over angry.) Darcy: What was that? Manny: Um it's just part of the sketch sweetie. It's in the script. Darcy: Manny I'm not stupid. You're constantly flirting with my boyfriend. You still like him. Spinner: Okay I'm back on lighting. Um who wants to be Manny's acting partner? Anybody? Darcy: Yeah not surprising. Manny: What is that supposed to mean? Darcy: Manny even you can become pure again. All it takes is repentance. Manny: Yeah I'll get right on that. Darcy: Well you should considering you are the school's biggest slut. (Manny walks over to Darcy angry and grabs her hair.) Manny: You are the last person to ever call me that! (They start fighting as everyone around them watches.) Spinner: Girls! Manny! Manny! Get off! Have you two gone completely psycho? Darcy: You lied about being a virgin Spinner. She told me. (Darcy pushes Spinner to the ground and leaves the room.) Manny: What are you guys doing? Get, get back to work please. Get going. What are you guys staring at? [SCENE_BREAK] At the Dot Marco: Okay, how's this: Good morning ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, teachers and administrators- Paige: Oh I think you left out the janitor. Marco: Paige it's a valedictorian speech. I want to be inclusive. Spinner: Refills? Marco: Woah. You look like you just lived through a country song. Spinner: My dog is fine. Truck runs too. Paige: Must be girl trouble. Marco: No kidding. You didn't hear about the Darcy/Manny cage match? Spinner: Dude, don't remind me. Darcy's completely convinced that there's something going on with me and Manny. Paige: Jealousy is a nasty thing. Spinner: Okay, but there's nothing to be jealous of 'cause I'm not cheating with Manny. Paige: That's besides the point hon. Darcy is jealous of your past, not your present. There's nothing you can do, unless you can, I don't know somehow create a time machine and erase that past. At the mall, Alex hands Paige a CD Alex: You should add this to your list. I think you might really like her. Paige: Thanks hon. Um so, have you given any thought to you know Banting, future? Alex: Nope. It's months away. Why would it even be crossing my mind? Paige: Because it's important to have a plan, to know what's going on, to have some sort of direction. Alex: It's also important to have fun, which by the way today has been completely and utterly lacking. Paige: Fine. What's fun? Show me. Alex: I don't know. Take that CD. Paige: Excuse me? Alex: You've never stolen anything in your life before, have you? Paige: And I'm not about to start. Alex: It's a rush. Just try it. Paige: No thank you, really. (Alex puts the CD in Paige's bag, the alarm goes off and Paige walks back in the store.) Paige: Hi I'm sorry. That was, that was an accident. At Friendship Club, Marco and Spinner are lighting candles Marco: You sure you want to do this? Spinner: Dude I'm sure, k. The question is what about you? I mean, you and Friendship Club didn't exactly hit it off. Marco: Ah old news bud. I'm just, I'm happy you even asked me to help. Darcy: Hey guys. What's going on? Spinner: You are my everything and right now in front of all our friends I want to start over, with a clean slate. I want to purify myself and become a virgin again. Darcy: It's not just a matter of saying it. Spinner: Darcy I was up all night memorizing scripture. I want to do this. I Gavin Mason, promise to honour God with my body, will resist temptation and save myself for marriage. Kim: Come now let us reason together says the lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. At the mall Paige: That wasn't funny. It was stupid and embarrassing. Alex: Could you not be such a drama queen? Paige: Can you not be so immature? I can't do this. Alex: Can't do what? Paige: This living in the moment thing. I need structure, plans, ideas and maybe just a little excitement about the future. Our future. Alex: It's your future Paige. Not mine. Paige: What does that mean? Alex: It means I have to figure out what I want, what's good for me. Following you to Banting, working some crap minimum wage job and being your lapdog. Does that sound good? (Paige shakes her head no.) Alex: Maybe I'll go to college, maybe I'll join the army, maybe I'll start a business. I don't know, but I have to figure it out on my time table. Paige: What are you trying to say? Alex: I think you can figure it out. You always were the smart one Paige. (Alex walks away upset.) At a park, Darcy and Spinner are having a picnic Spinner: Hmm smiling and chewing. That's talent. Darcy: I'm happy...for you 'cause you get to start all over again. Spinner: Well it feels good. It's like being factory fresh. Man who would've thought I'd be a virgin again? Not after last summer. Darcy: But wait. You and Manny were together during the school year. I don't get it. Spinner: Um Darcy. Manny, she was my first, but she wasn't my last. Darcy: How many exactly? Spinner: Two. Darcy: You had s*x with two other girls? Spinner: Yeah, but that was before I met you, before I found Christ. Since then I've done nothing wrong. Darcy: But you lied! Spinner: So I'm still cleansed. It's all good. Darcy: No it's not. How am I ever gonna trust you? You lied to me Spinner. Spinner: This whole thing it's not, it's not about lying or, or God or anything except you and your stupid jealousy. Darcy: Whatever. Believe what you want to believe. Spinner: You know what I believe Darcy? I believe I will never be clean enough, not for you. (Spinner takes off his ring and gives it to Darcy.) Spinner: We're through, okay? It's over. At Alex's house (Alex walks in and sees Jay on the couch.) Jay: I'm not here to bug you, okay? I'm, I'm watching the game with Chad...or I was before he passed out. You look like you got hit by a bus. Alex: Paige Michalchuk break-up express. Jay: You looking for a shoulder to cry on...or maybe just a quick rebound? Alex: Jay I'm not bi. I'm not confused. I'm a lesbian, an actual lesbian who just broke up with her first girlfriend and it sucks. Jay: I'm sorry. It's one of the first times I've said I'm sorry and actually meant it. Alex: It's one of the first times you said sorry and I actually believed you. Jay: Um do you want to watch some TV with me? No funny business, just friends hanging out. Alex: Fine. At the Dot (Spinner closes the door so that he and Paige are the only ones in there.) Spinner: Hot date with your course calendar? Paige: Um Alex and I broke up. I just needed to be alone. Spinner: Welcome to Splitsville. You're in the right place. Paige: You too? Spinner: Man I wish I was getting out of here like you. Paige: Do not envy me. Sure I got into Banting, but what if I blow it? What if everyone sees that I am just this, this big faker who doesn't belong there? Spinner: Paige you totally belong there. Take it from someone who knows, k? You're amazing. You always have been. Paige: Thanks. Spinner: No extra charge. (Spinner looks at his watch.) Spinner: Oh man the time. Uh can I drive you home? Paige: Sure. That'd be great Spin. (Paige stands up and Spinner is about to help her put on her shirt when they start kissing.) Scenes for next week Spinner: What is your damage man? Jimmy: My damage man is you! Voiceover: Bitter rivalries. (Jimmy and Spinner are shown fighting.) Paige: Last night I uh, I might have made out with Spinner. Hazel: Spinner? Voiceover: Steamy affairs and a shocking reunion. (Someone's legs are shown walking towards Jimmy.) Jimmy: You've got to be kidding me. Voiceover: It's the end of an era. (Everyone is shown graduating.) Ms. Hatzilakos: And now without further ado Degrassi's graduating class.

Spinner lies to Darcy about being a virgin, but when she finds out that he slept with Manny, her jealousy and anger over being deceived leads to their break up. Paige and Alex's relationship comes to an end when Paige becomes too controlling about Alex's future after graduation.

fd_Teen_Wolf_03x03

fd_Teen_Wolf_03x03_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Heather: You know what I want for my birthday? To not be a 17-year-old virgin. Aah! Sheriff: All her friends say you're the last person who saw her. Derek: Wanna help? Find something real. Scott: Okay. They're on our side now. Derek: Then maybe you should tell her what her mother was actually trying to do that night. Stiles: There's a dead body. It's Erica. Scott: Who's the other girl... the one locked in there with Boyd? Derek: She's my sister... my younger sister! Stiles: Scott, you gotta get out of there. They haven't felt the full moon in months. Derek: No, don't break the seal! Lydia: Aah! Billy: A! Got one! Breanne : What are you doing, dumbass? You're supposed to put holes in the lid. Otherwise you'll kill them. Billy: Do I have to let him go? Breanne : Do you want him to die? Billy? Run! Run! Billy: He's gonna get in. He's gonna get inside. Breanne : Shut up, shut up. Derek: You lost them? Scott: Yeah, I kind of had to. Derek: Wasn't exactly the plan. Scott: I know, which is why I think that we should stick together. Trust me, he's too strong, too fast, and way too angry for one person to handle. We've got to do this together. Derek: Look, I'm at the trails by the entrance to the preserve. Can you meet me here? Scott: Yeah. Just got to drop something off first. Lydia: Mom, I'm going to the store. Mom, do you hear me? Of course you didn't. You would have heard me screaming like a lunatic. Lunatic. Scott: Is it them? Derek: We're not the only ones that decided to stick together. Scott: Is that gonna make it easier or harder to catch them? Derek: I don't know. Scott: Derek... I saw Boyd try to rip two little kids apart. Are they gonna do that to everyone they find? Derek: Everyone and anyone. Lydia: Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, please don't be dead. Please don't be dead, please don't be dead, please don't be dead. Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead, please don't be dead. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Ahhhhh Allison: She tried killing you. Scott: Uh, yeah, yeah. Allison: Why didn't you tell me? Scott: I'll tell you everything, okay? I'll tell you a-anything that you want to know, but right now... Allison: Just tell me why. Scott: I... I couldn't. Allison, I couldn't let that be the last memory that you had of her. Caitlin: You coming? Emily: Okay, there is a snake out here the size of a train. Caitlin: Then kick it. Emily: Uh, yeah, if I kick it, it will swallow my foot and drag me back down to mordor. Caitlin: Then jump over it. Emily: Ugh! Oh, whoa, whoops, whoa. Oh. Wow. Nice touch. Caitlin: You're nervous. Emily: You make me nervous. Caitlin: That a good thing or a bad thing? Emily: All good. Ooh, ooh, that is a mood killer, though. Caitlin: Better? Emily: Better. I can't... I can't be in here, I... Caitlin: Emily, wait! Emily! Emily? Emily? Emily, where are you? Emily! Em? Emily, where are you? Emily! Scott: Are you okay? Caitlin: What? Scott: Are you all right? You need to get out of here, okay? Get out of the woods. Get out of here as fast as you can. Stiles: Lydia? Lydia? Lydia, are you okay? Lydia: I'm okay. That, over there... Not okay. Stiles: Yeah, all right. I'm gonna call my dad. Lydia: I already called 911. Stiles: You called the police before you called me? Lydia: I'm supposed to call you first when I find a dead body? Stiles: Yes! Scott: Are you sure? Stiles: Yep. Throat ripped out, blood everywhere. It's like the frickin' shining over here. Two little twin girls come out of the woods, start asking me to play with them forever and ever, I'm not gonna be surprised. Scott: Can you get a little closer to make sure it was them? Stiles: Make sure it was them? Scott, who else is going around ripping throats out? Scott: Please just do it. Derek: This doesn't make any sense. The public pool is all the way on the other side of the woods. We haven't tracked them anywhere near there. Scott: Derek, they killed someone. Derek: How are they moving so fast? Scott: Derek. Derek: But they can't be that fast on foot. Scott: They killed someone. Some totally innocent kid is dead... And it's our fault. Derek: It's my fault. Scott: We need help. Derek: We have Isaac now. Scott: I mean real help. They're too fast for us, for all of us. They're too strong, too rabid. Derek: We'll catch 'em. Isaac: What happens if we do? We just gonna hold them down until the sun comes up? Derek: Maybe it would be easier just to kill 'em. Scott: Killing them isn't the right thing to do. Isaac: What if it's the only thing to do? If we can't even catch them, what else do we do? Scott: Find someone who knows what they're doing. Derek: Who? Scott: Someone who knows how to hunt werewolves. Deputy Tara: So, Caitlin, you and Emily, were the two of you drinking? Caitlin: No, no. Deputy Tara: Anything else? Caitlin... Caitlin: We split a tab of "X." Sheriff: Well, MDMA can cause hallucinations, and it could've been laced with something too. Caitlin: You think I hallucinated. Sheriff: You think you saw a girl with glowing eyes and fangs? Caitlin: And claws. Sheriff: Hey, we're gonna get you to the hospital, figure out exactly what it was that you took. Caitlin: What about the other three? The three guys? Deputy Tara: We'll need better descriptions of them too. Sheriff: Let's get an APB out on Emily. The other girl too, as soon as we get something better than claws and fangs. Deputy Tara: You believe her? Sheriff: She saw something. Deputy Tara: You mean someone. Chris: It has to be the one with the eggs. Scott: Uh, hi. Isaac: Do you think this is gonna work? Derek: Nope. Isaac: Me neither. So your, uh... your sister... Sorry, yeah, it's... It's bad timing, I'm sorry. I'll ask later. It's fine. Or never. Yeah, yeah, I'm good with never. Chris: First of all, why would I care about anyone related to Derek? And second, I don't know this kid Boyd. I don't even know his last name. Scott: Boyd is his last name. Chris: What's his first name? Scott: Vernon. Eh. And just curious, is there a reason the gun is still pointed at me? Chris: Well, there's probably still some part of me that wants to shoot you. Scott: I get that. Chris: Scott, I watched my father brainwash my daughter... Almost turn her into a killer. That world... your world decimated mine. My wife, sister, father, my entire family. Why would I ever step foot in it again? Scott: Because people are going to die. And because you know how to catch Boyd and Cora without killing them. Chris: I'm sorry. I can't help you. Scott: Um... Do you think you could do me, like, one little, tiny favor? Chris: Left or straight? Scott: Left. Sorry. It's right around the corner. That parking lot there. Yeah, just a little further up, right here. Thanks again for the ride. Chris: They did this? Boyd and... Scott: Cora. Chris: Where's the last place you saw them? You're tracking them by print? Scott: Trying to. Chris: Well, then, you've been wasting your time. There's only one creature on earth that can visually track footprints, and that's man. And if you're not trained like me, you have no idea that this print is Boyd's and these... Isaac: are Cora's. Chris: Nope. They're yours. You trampled Cora's as soon as you walked over here. Listen, I know the three of you are focusing half your energy on resisting your own urges under the full moon, but that puts you at a severe disadvantage to Boyd and Cora, who have fully given in. They put the pedal to the floor where you three are barely hitting the speed limit. Derek: So what do we do? Chris: Focus on your sense of smell. Actual wolves are known to track their prey by up to a hundred Miles a day by scent. A trained hunter can use scent to track them. If the wind is with them, wolves can track a scent by a distance of two Miles, which means we can draw them to us... Or into a trap. Full moon does give us one advantage. They'll have a higher heat signature, which makes them easier to spot with infrared. Derek: Thanks, but I've got my own. Chris: Just remember, we're not hunting wild animals. Underneath those impulses are two intelligent human beings. Don't think they can't rely on that human side. It's suppressed, but it's there, reminding them how to mask their scent, how to cover their tracks, how to survive. When's the last time you saw your sister? Derek: Nine years. I thought she died in the fire. Chris: Do you feel like you have a lock on her scent? Scott, how confident are you in your skills? Honestly, most of the time, I'm trying not to think about all the things I can smell. Chris: All right. The problem is when they breach the woods and hit the residential area. Once they're past the high school, they're right in the middle of beacon hills. Isaac: They're not gonna kill everything they see, are they? Chris: No. But there is an important difference to recognize. Wolves hunt for food. At a certain point, they get full. But Boyd and Cora are hunting for the pleasure of the kill, for some primal apex predatory satisfaction that comes from the ripping of warm bodies to bloody shreds. And who knows when that need gets satiated? Scott: We can't kill them. Derek: What if we can't catch 'em? Chris: Then maybe we just need to contain them. There's no one in the school at night, is there? Derek: You want to trap them inside? Chris: If there's somewhere with a strong enough door, no windows or access to the outside. Isaac: What about the boiler room? It's just one big steel door. Chris: You're sure the school's empty? Scott: It has to be. There can't be anyone there this late, right? Chris: These are ultrasonic emitters. It's one of the tools we use to corral werewolves, pushing them into a direction we want them to run. Gives off a high-pitched frequency that only they can hear. Isaac: God, no kidding! Derek: These are gonna drive them to the school? Chris: And then it's up to you to get them into the basement. Isaac: Does anyone else want to rethink the plan where we just, uh, kill 'em? Scott: It's going to work. It'll work. [SCENE_BREAK] Lydia: You didn't have to follow me home. Stiles: I just wanted to make sure you got in okay. Lydia: I had a police escort. Stiles: I know the inner workings of that force, all right? They're not nearly as reliable as people think. Lydia: Well, you also didn't have to follow me into my room. Stiles: Well, I... uh, yeah, I don't have an answer for that. I can leave. Lydia: Are you really gonna go without asking me the question that you've been dying to ask me? Stiles: Well, I'm not... I haven't been dying to ask anything. I... no questions here for Stiles. Nothing. Lydia: I can see it on your face. Stiles: Maybe my face just has, like, a naturally interrogatory exp... expression. Lydia: Well, your interrogatory expression is getting on my nerves. The answer is, I have no clue how I ended up finding that body.I didn't even know where I was until I got out of the car. Stiles: Yeah, but the last time something like this happened... Lydia: I know. Derek's Uncle. Stiles: Peter. Peter: And the hunted becomes the hunter. You really think a few high-tech dog whistles are gonna help? Derek: I don't see you offering a hand. Peter: Personally, I'm trying to cut down on futile endeavors. Derek: Cora's alive. Peter: I heard. Let's throw the reunion party when she's not an unstoppable killing machine. Derek: I can stop her. Peter: Sure you can. By killing her... Which happens to be the point of this little exercise. Deucalion wants you to kill them. He wants you to get rid of his baggage, making it easier for you to join his pack. The fact that it was supposed to happen in the vault, and not up here, out in the open, doesn't change his plan. It just means that Boyd and Cora are gonna kill a few innocent people first. Derek: And I should just let them? I should be okay with innocent people dying? Peter: Unless you're okay killing your own. Derek: I can catch them. Peter: Oh, come on. How much damage can they do? So they off a few homeless people, a drunk stumbling out of a bar too late. So what? Let Scott deal with it. Let him be the hero of his morally black and white world. The real survivors, you and I, we live in shades of gray. Then again, even if you did kill them, you're still an Alpha. You can always make more werewolves. Mellisa: Hey. Stiles: Hey. Melissa: Over here. And if you tell anyone that I showed you this, I swear to God, I will kill you painfully and slowly. Stiles: Why do you want to show me a body I've already seen? Melissa: Because you haven't seen everything. See this around his neck? That's a ligature mark. That means that he was strangled with something, like cord, rope... Stiles: ah, okay, wait a second. What kind of werewolf strangles someone? You know, that's not very werewolf-y. Melissa: My thoughts exactly. And then there's this. Stiles: God, man, what is that? Is that brain matter? Yeah, it's brain matter, of course. Melissa: See the indentation? He was hit in the back of the head, hard enough to kill him. In fact, any one of these things could have killed him. I mean, someone seriously wanted this poor kid dead. Stiles: All right, so then this couldn't have been Boyd or Cora, you know? They wouldn't have done all that. So maybe this is just one murder. I mean, maybe it's just a random coincidence. Melissa: I don't think it was just one. Stiles: How come? Melissa: Because that girl over there, she's got the exact same injuries. Chris: Do you see that? Scott: Yeah, it's a firefly. Chris: No, no, I know, it... Scott: What? Chris: It's, uh... it's very unusual. The, uh, California fireflies aren't bio-luminescent. They don't glow. Scott: Does that mean something? Isaac: Oh, great. Chris: Come on. Scott: They're not going through the school. They're going over it. Melissa: The M.E. said this one wasn't just strangled. Whoever did it used a garrote, which is a stick that you put through the rope, and you just kind of keep twisting, and... Stiles? Oh, my God, did you know her? I'm so sorry. I didn't even think. Stiles: I was... I was at her party. It was her birthday. Her name is Heather. Melissa: Okay, we need to call your father, 'cause you're a witness. Stiles? Heather: Stiles, I just turned 17 today. Stiles: Mmhmm. Heather: And you know what I want for my birthday? To not be a 17-year old virgin. Stiles: Has anyone else been through here tonight? Any... any other bodies, or even anybody missing? Melissa: Uh, no, no bodies, but, um... Stiles: what? Melissa: Two girls. They brought the first one in, Caitlin, for a tox screen, and then I overheard that her girlfriend, Emily, just disappeared. I mean, they were out in the woods and... Stiles: nobody's found her yet? Melissa: I don't know. Stiles: Okay, first one. Melissa: Caitlin. Stiles: Okay. Is she here? Is she here right now? Melissa: I think so. Stiles: Okay, where? Melissa: Okay, okay, wait. Just wait a minute. Stiles: I have to talk to her. Melissa: Why? Stiles: Because I think I know what's happening. Chris: The red doors, someone has to get them open. Scott: Someone has to drive them inside. Chris: I'll go. Isaac: No. I'm faster. Derek: Come and get us. Scott: Did that actually just work? Derek: It worked. What are you hearing? Scott: Heartbeats. Derek: Both of 'em? Scott: Actually... Three of them. Jeniffer: Hello? Is someone there? Caitlin: We weren't doing anything that bad. I mean, I've camped out there plenty of times. Stiles: Right, but why tonight? Caitlin: We wanted to be alone for one night. Emily lives with her mom, and I have three roommates. Not exactly romantic settings, you know? Stiles: How long have you two been together? Caitlin: Three months. Stiles: And you wanted to make it romantic. Caitlin: Yeah, you know, because... Stiles: because it was her first time. Caitlin: They're gonna find her, right? Aren't they? Scott: What are you doing? Derek: Close the door behind me and keep it shut. Scott: You go in there alone, and you're either gonna kill them, or they kill you. Derek: That's why I'm going in alone. Isaac: Scott The sun's coming up. Scott! The sun's coming up! Derek: There's a teacher. I'll take care of her. Get them out of here. Scott: So Boyd and Cora might not have killed anyone? Stiles: You're gonna wish they did. Scott: Why? Stiles: I'm not exactly sure yet. the other girl who was out in the woods, Emily? Eventually they're gonna find her. She's one of them. Emily, Heather... That guy Lydia found at the pool. All three were virgins... And they're all gonna have the same three injuries... strangled, throat slashed, head bashed in. It's called the threefold death. Scott: So if these aren't random killings, then what are they? Stiles: Sacrifices. Human sacrifices.

Scott reveals to Allison that her mother tried to kill him. Derek discovers Erica's body. Derek, Isaac, and Scott seek Argent's help to capture Boyd and Cora before they kill someone. Lydia finds a dead boy and calls Stiles for help. The guys trap Boyd and Cora in the high school's boiler room but realize a teacher, Jennifer, is inside; Derek saves her. Stiles comes face to face with Heather's body in the morgue, killed the same way the boy was. As the two were both virgins, Stiles concludes that someone is murdering them as sacrifices, just as Sheriff Stilinski discovers a third dead girl, killed the same way.

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THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART TWO (THE MYSTERIOUS PLANET) Run time: 24:44 [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Oh! Why'd you stop it at the best bit? I was rather enjoying that. Valeyard: I'm sure you were. The Doctor: Clever, eh? That trick with the umbrella. Valeyard: Most ingenious, my dear Doctor. The Doctor: Oh, I always like to do the unexpected. Takes people by surprise. Valeyard: Hear how the Doctor takes pride in his interference. Hear how he boasts. This is not the reaction of a responsible Time Lord. Inquisitor: We are all aware of that, Valeyard. What is the point you are trying to make? Valeyard: These proceedings started as a mere enquiry into the Doctor's activities. I'm suggesting now that it becomes a trial. And if he is found guilty, I strongly suggest the termination of his life! The Doctor: So, you want me dead, eh? Inquisitor: What the Valeyard wants and what the court decides, are two entirely different things, Doctor. The Doctor: Thank you, my lady. Inquisitor: Proceed Valeyard. [SCENE_BREAK] Marb station [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: Train guards! Computer: This station is a work unit over committed strength. There must be a cull. Balazar: It has been dealt with. Merdeen: See that he is dead, Grell. Where is he from? Balazar: I don't know. He told many lies, even that he had read our sacred books. Grell: He still breathes. Merdeen: Then kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: Stop! [SCENE_BREAK] Marb station [SCENE_BREAK] Merdeen: Wait, the Immortal speaks. He now wishes to question the stranger. How near death is he? Grell: Merely stunned. Merdeen: Pick him up. Grell, patrol. Grell: Why not transport him on the train? Merdeen: I said patrol. You, come with me. Balazar: I, sir? Merdeen: You have spoken with the stranger. If he dies, the Immortal may wish to question you about him. [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca's hut [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Oh! Katryca: Welcome, girl. Peri: Hi. Katryca: Rise. You are not from the place of the underground. Where are you from? Peri: Well, it's kind of difficult to explain. Katryca: My name is Katryca, I am the leader of the Free. Do you have a name, girl? Peri: Perpugilliam Brown, but my friends call me Peri. Katryca: Peri. Not many girls join the Free, Peri. I shall provide some excellent husbands for you. Peri: Husbands? Plural? Katryca: Such women as we have must be shared. Think about it. Put her with the other prisoners. Keep them guarded. Peri: All right, all right. I can walk. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: Tell me, Merdeen, you served the Immortal. Is he as men say? Merdeen: What do men say? Balazar: That he is taller than two, with arms of steel. Merdeen: The Immortal is never seen. He stays in his castle. Balazar: Then how does he give you his commands? Merdeen: He talks to me through the air and he watches me with boxes. Balazar: I think this is called a camera, Merdeen. The men of ancient times used such things to make pictures of the Canadian goose. Merdeen: How do you know that, Balazar? Balazar: It is my task to study the ancient texts. The Doctor: About which you continually boast. That's the trouble with pallid little swats like you, Balazar, You can't even organise an efficient stoning. Balazar: It was only half over. The Doctor: Oh. Balazar: You'd have been free of your troubles now if Merdeen and his train guards had not saved you. The Doctor: Then I'm grateful to you, Merdeen. Merdeen: It was on the orders of the Immortal. The Doctor: Oh. Well, please convey my thanks to him. Is that water? Could I have some? Merdeen: It's my ration for the next two days. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: Give it to him. Merdeen (on screen): What? Drathro: Give it to him. Merdeen: Oh. Yes, of course. The Doctor: No, of course not. I'd forgotten how important that stuff was down here. The Doctor: Mono-optic system, eh? Very interesting. And is the, er, Immortal on the other end of that? Tandrell: Extremely ugly. Humker: Hideous in the extreme. Drathro: Physiognomy is irrelevant. Tandrell: In so far as... Humker: Appearance has no function. Tandrell: But function has an appearance. Humker: Which is irrelevant to the function. Tandrell: Perfect. Humker: I must write that down. Tandrell: I will make an equation of it. Drathro: Cease your prattle. Humker: Of course, sir. Tandrell: At once, sir. Drathro: Activate the service robot. Now! [SCENE_BREAK] Hut [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Ah, it seems we have a pretty visitor. I'm beginning to feel better already. Sabalom Glitz, my dear, and this youth with the vacuous expression and single track mind is Dibber. Peri: Peri. Glitz: Ah. Peri: Well, obviously you're not from round here. Glitz: Merely visiting, like good yourself. Peri: Well, I hope my visit's very short. That doesn't look like it's from round here either. Glitz: It's a light converter. Peri: A what? Dibber: It funnels black light energy down to the L3. That's why we have to knock it out. Glitz: Dibber! I'm sure Peri isn't interested in professional matters. Dibber: Oh, you're right, Mister Glitz, yeah. Glitz: When we first saw you, Peri, you were not alone. Dibber: That's right, you were with a dilly in a long coat. But he disappeared down the tunnel before we... Glitz: Before we could leap forward and make your acquaintance, eh, Dibber? Dibber: Yeah, that's it. Glitz: Where is your friend now? Peri: The Doctor? Oh, he's probably still down there. For a Time Lord, he's not very good at keeping time. Glitz: The Doctor is a Time Lord? So that's how he knew where to go. Peri: What do you mean? Dibber: Sent him, did they? Peri: Who? Glitz: The Time Lords, my dear. As my friend says, he must be acting on their behalf. Peri: I don't think the Doctor's acting on anyone's behalf. Glitz: So, he's a freelance like myself. Possibly we can reach an accommodation here, my boy. Two rogues with but a single thought. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: And how long has the Immortal lived in his so-called, castle? Merdeen: Since the fire. The Doctor: Oh, five hundred years? Balazar: I do not know, Doctor. He was sent to save our lives many centuries ago. The Doctor: Hmm. And he never goes out and nobody ever comes in? Balazar: Only the young men who pass the selection. The Doctor: What selection? Balazar: To find the two cleverest youths. They go to the castle. The Doctor: Why? Balazar: It is said the Immortal eats them. The Doctor: Never believe what is said, Balazar, only what you know. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Humker: Why are we doing this? Tandrell: Because sir ordered it. Humker: Yes, but... Drathro: It may be needed. [SCENE_BREAK] Hut [SCENE_BREAK] Dibber: These bars remind me of home. I reckon I could bite me way through them. Glitz: Relax Dibber. I'll find a way to win the confidence of these simple peasants. Peri: Well, I'll like to get out of here. Katryca said something about choosing husbands for me. Glitz: There you are. Obviously she's a romantic at heart. Peri: Well, so am I, but not romantic enough to want more that one husband. Dibber: Where we come from, a woman can have as many as six. Peri: Oh, it's very similar on my planet, except we usually have them one at a time. Glitz: I should like to stand in paterfamilias for your absent father and give you away, my dear, but I always cry at these moments of deep sentiment. Dibber: I think we should help her get out. Glitz: No, no, dear boy. We may need these brutish primitives. Peri: What for? Glitz: This shows a layout of the tunnel system, all hermetically sealed. If we can persuade Katryca's people to drive a shaft into the centre, we can fill them with gas. Peri: You'd kill them? The people Katryca calls underground dwellers? That would be mass murder. Glitz: I'm sure my conscience will prick a little, but where money is concerned, that doesn't usually last long. Peri: Oh, you can't do it. Glitz: I think it will be pretty simple. Don't forget, this is a high risk business venture, Peri. The people down there take the risk, I take the profit. Dibber: That still leaves the L3. Glitz: And what chance would the robot will have without a labour force? It'll probably be quicker than trying to destroy its black light supply. Broken Tooth: Come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Merdeen: You enter here, Doctor. The Doctor: Ah. No need to knock, I imagine. Balazar: Will I be needed? Merdeen: No. The Doctor: Lucky old you. Merdeen: When you are in the Immortal's presence you will cast your eyes to the ground. The Doctor: Will I? Merdeen: It is forbidden to look upon him. The Doctor: On pain of being turned into a pillar of salt, I imagine. That sort of thing? Merdeen: You will not find it wise to mock the Immortal. Doubtless your body will be returned to me before this day is out. The Doctor: Oh, Merdeen, why don't you just push off and guard some trains, eh? [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca's hut [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Ah, dear lady. I knew once you'd had time to consider... Katryca: Be silent, fat one. I have studied the fires and there is anger in them. Peri: Anger? Katryca: You have travelled from beyond the stars. Your intention, to steal our great totem. Only a sacrifice in the flames will propitiate the gods. Dibber: All of us? Katryca: No. Only you are the chosen one, Sabalom Glitz. Glitz: Me? Are you insane? I'm wanted in six different galaxies for crimes you couldn't even imagine. Do you think an old hag like you can bring me down? Katryca: The pyre is being built. You will be brought when your time is due. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Er, this is my best side. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Humker: The arrogance. Tandrell: Can't wait to see how he's been programmed. Drathro: I have been waiting for this day. Welcome at last. The Doctor: You were expecting me? Drathro: For centuries. I am Drathro, an L3 robot. The Doctor: Then I fear you are under a slight misapprehension, Drathro. I only decided to come here yesterday. Drathro: You are not from Andromeda? Then where are you from? The Doctor: Gallifrey, originally, though I travel round a lot. Drathro: I have heard of Gallifrey. An advanced civilisation. The Doctor: In some ways. Drathro: I apologize for my error. The Doctor: Oh, that's all right. Even Immortals make the odd mistake every few millennia. Drathro: I am not immortal. The Doctor: Oh. Well, the locals round here seem to think you are. Drathro: These are my assistants, Tandrell and Humker. You will work with them. The Doctor: Will I? Why? Drathro: Because I command it. The Doctor: Oh. And you are obviously a robot used to getting your own way. Humker: This is remarkable, Drathro. Tandrell: Most impressive. Humker: Even the texture has an organic warmth. The Doctor: Do stop prodding me, there's a good fellow. Drathro: The Doctor is not a robot. He is an organic from an advanced civilisation. Tandrell: An organic? Humker: We've not met an organic since we passed the selection. The Doctor: Ah. I knew you two hadn't ended up for lunch. Tandrell: Explain. The Doctor: Never mind. What is this work you want me to do? [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Inquisitor: Is this relevant testimony, Valeyard? We seem to be straying from the point. Valeyard: Circumstantially germane, my lady, in that it is part of the prosecution's case is that the Doctor introduces a disruptive and corrupting influence wherever he goes. The Doctor: Sheer poppycock. Valeyard: If the Doctor had not visited Ravalox, then the whole chain of events we are witnessing would not have been set in motion. The Doctor: Well, how can the Boatyard make that claim? What might or might not have happened is entirely speculative. Inquisitor: That is for me to decide, Doctor. And may I remind you, the charge you face is grave indeed. The Doctor: Oh, I only have to look at the Graveyard to see that, ma'am. Inquisitor: You're puerile attempts at flippancy are not appreciated in this court, Doctor. Proceed, Valeyard. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: Have you found the fault yet? The Doctor: Hmm? Give me a chance. I've only just started. Drathro: The black light system is indicating incipient failure. The Doctor: Yeah, I can see that, but they don't last forever, you know. Drathro: I am trained only in installation and maintenance. The Doctor: Hmm? Oh, yeah, and very useful too. That's where the money is. Drathro: I have trained these humans to study the problem, but they make no progress. The Doctor: Well, black light is very tricky stuff, Drathro. Drathro: I have a learning capacity but my processors of ratiocination are logical. Organics often eliminate such steps. The Doctor: It's called intuition. Drathro: Your first task will be to restructure the system. The Doctor: Well, just a minute. Black light is not my field. Drathro: Then you will make it so, or die! [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I protest! Inquisitor: What now? The Doctor: Yes, now! Inquisitor: I meant, what are you protesting about this time? The Doctor: I am charged with interfering, yet it's blatantly obvious to a blind speelsnape that I am working under duress. Inquisitor: That does seem a valid point. What is the relevance of your presentation? Valeyard: If the accused hadn't interrupted, my lady, the point I wish to make would have become obvious. The Doctor: Oh, then I apologise for my outburst. As your ladyship is aware, I am unfamiliar, unlike the Valeyard, with court procedure. Inquisitor: The court accepts your apology, Doctor. Proceed. [SCENE_BREAK] Village [SCENE_BREAK] Dibber: What a terrible waste. Glitz: You're telling me. Dibber: No, I meant the wood. Now, if I was handling this execution I'd go to a bullet in the back of the head. Much more economical. Peri: He has a point. Glitz: Of all the sniveling screeves to be stuck with in my moment of need, I have to get you two. Dibber: I know. Depressing, isn't it. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Oh, I'm sorry, Drathro. There's not a lot I can do down here. Drathro: I order you to work. The Doctor: Well, you can play at being the slave driver all you like, but the fault doesn't lie down here. There must be a collection aerial out on the surface which is malfunctioning. I'll, I'll just pop up and have a look at it. Drathro: You will remain here and proceed with your appointed task. The Doctor: I think you must have fluff in your audio circuit. What's all this stuff for, anyway? Tandrell: It provides Drathro with his energy source. Humker: It was also to maintain the three Sleepers until they could be returned to Andromeda. The Doctor: The three Sleepers? Drathro: They are dead now. The relief ships failed to arrive. The Doctor: I see. Well, if this power failure's allowed to get any worse, we'll all be dead soon. Humker: Why? The Doctor: Because there will be an enormous explosion. Now I can't impress upon you how urgent it is I go up and look at that converter's aerial. Drathro: A transparent ruse to escape. Get on with the work. The Doctor: Oh, how do you put up with him. The Doctor: Thank you. Tell me, why is water so important down here? Humker: The condensation plants produce only enough for five hundred work units. The Doctor: But it was raining buckets outside, or it was when I arrived. Drathro: I am aware that precipitation has returned to normal. The Doctor: Then why don't you let everyone just pop up and help themselves? Drathro: My instructions were to maintain an underground survival system. The Doctor: Inflexible little fellow aren't you? Here, hold that. The Doctor: Well, come on. Aren't you supposed to be programmed to be user friendly or something? Times like this one need three hands you know. We bipeds are a very inefficient design. You, Humbug, whatever your name is, hold that. The Doctor: And you, Handbag, finger on the end there. That's it, yes. Well done, splendid, yes. Well, that should just about do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Central control [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Ah. Look! Drathro: Follow him. Use your tracer disc. He must be brought back unharmed. [SCENE_BREAK] Village [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Ready? Glitz: Well done Dibber. Take this. Always keep something up your sleeve, eh, Dibber? Glitz: I want you to conceal yourself in some muddy crevice while Peri and I lead off the hunt. Peri: What hunt? Glitz: Oh, there'll be one soon. As soon as you get the chance I want you to blow that light converter to bits. Dibber: And where do we meet up? Glitz: The entrance to the tunnel. Come on, Peri. [SCENE_BREAK] Katryca's hut [SCENE_BREAK] Broken Tooth: Majesty! Katryca: How dare you! Broken Tooth: Forgive me, but the prisoners have escaped. Katryca: Take this. Katryca: Lead the young men on a hunting party. They must not escape! [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro (O.C.): The Doctor has absconded. Hw must be found. Merdeen: Yes, Immortal. [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Humker: He should be killed. Tandrell: Very slowly. He hurt me. I hate being hurt. Humker: He hurt me more. Tandrell: A subjective judgement. Drathro: He must not be killed. I still need him. [SCENE_BREAK] Marb station [SCENE_BREAK] Merdeen: Search area green. Area red. Merdeen: Quiet. Balazar: Should we not search for the Doctor? Merdeen: I said quiet. Listen to me carefully. You are a clever man. Balazar: I am the Reader. Merdeen: People like you are needed on the surface. I will direct you there. Balazar: The surface? But nothing lives there. The fire... Merdeen: I said listen. There is no fire. There has been no fire for hundreds of years. It is the only place you will be beyond the Immortal's reach. Do you understand me? Balazar: Well, what shall I do, Merdeen? How will I live? Merdeen: You will find others out there. Many I have saved from the Immortal. Balazar: If the Immortal discovers this, you will die. Why do you risk your life, Merdeen? Merdeen: I am sick of the cullings. But I have to be careful. I think Grell already suspects. Balazar: But what will you do? Merdeen: Find the Doctor and send him to you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ravalox [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro's castle [SCENE_BREAK] Drathro: What is happening.? [SCENE_BREAK] Ravalox [SCENE_BREAK] Broken Tooth: This way. [SCENE_BREAK] Subway [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Whoops! Merdeen: Wait, Doctor. We mean you no harm. The Doctor: You did the last time we met. Balazar: Things have changed. The Doctor: Then let me pass. I have to get out of here. Merdeen: Take Balazar with you. The Doctor: Er, yes, all right. Balazar: What will you do? Merdeen: I must stay and help others. The Doctor: I should be careful if I was you. There's a robot following me who isn't in a very friendly mood. Merdeen: Would you help us, Doctor, to crush the Immortal's power? The Doctor: Er, yes, er, perhaps. But there's something I've got to do much more important first. Come along, Balazar. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: Stop! This is another prime example of the Doctor's interference. You will note that he was in a position to free himself of the situation, yet deliberately chose not to. The Doctor: I was trying to help. Surely even a blockhead like you can see that. Inquisitor: I think we should reserve judgement until the end of the sequence. The Doctor: I agree, my lady. [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel entrance [SCENE_BREAK] Balazar: It's beautiful! The Doctor: Hmm? Oh. Oh, I knew she wouldn't still be here. That girl can't obey an order. Peri: Doctor! Balazar: Who are they? The Doctor: Peri! Hurry! The Doctor: Back inside, quick. The Doctor: In you go. The Doctor: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: I always knew exercise was bad for you. The Doctor: I shouldn't lie there if I was you. Not unless you want to be killed with a spear in your back. Glitz: What? Did you do the job, my boy? Dibber: Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] Underground station [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: We've got to get out of here! Peri: But how? The Doctor: This way. The Doctor: Oh, no. Back. Peri: Well, now what? The Doctor: I don't know. I really think this could be the end!

The Doctor is saved from the stoning in the nick of time and taken to see the Immortal who wants to use the Doctors far greater knowledge to his advantage. Meanwhile, Peri is taken before Queen Katryca of the local tribe and told that she is to become part of the tribe and take many husbands because there is a shortage of women.

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Michael: Kahlua Sombrero, please. Waiter: All right, so just you tonight? Michael: Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years. Deangelo: I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week. Michael: Oh, really? Deangelo: To begginings and endings. Michael: And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms. Deangelo: The moms and the troops. Michael: Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday. Deangelo: [laughs] I won't... I don't know her. Michael: I'm moving out to the burbs... actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado. Deangelo: Colorado! The sunshine state. Michael: Yep. Don't mess with Colorado. Deangelo: Doing some skiing? Michael: No, no. I don't want to end up like Sunny Bobo. Deangelo: Well that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead. Michael: You know, I would like to try the luge, through. Deangelo: Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess. Michael: That's what I've heard. Deangelo: I'm an olympics nut. Michael: Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter? Deangelo/Michael: [in unison] Summer! Deangelo: [holds out fist] Knuckles! Actually, I gotta come around and give you... [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going. Michael: Really? What happened? Deangelo: You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton? Michael: Oh... wow. The mountains. Where things are. Deangelo: That's the way it goes. Michael: Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? I'm sorry. [calls Deangelo, Deangelo's phone vibrates] Deangelo: Excuse me. Hello? You running late? Michael: No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar. Deangelo: I'm at the bar too. Michael: You are? What bar? Deangelo: I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel. Michael: I... do not see you. Deangelo: How long have you... Michael: I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour. Deangelo: Ok, me too. Deangelo/Michael: [looking up from phones in unison] Sorry... Michael: What're you wearing? Deangelo: I am wearing a grey suit, red tie. Michael: Are we both at the right place? Deangelo: Which place? Michael: I hear your voice. Deangelo: I hear your voice, I see your lips moving. Michael: I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott. Deangelo: Deangelo Vickers. Michael: Wow... that is insane! [laughter] Deangelo: That is insane, that is the right term. Let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [entering Dunder Mifflin offices] Here we go! Are you ready? Deangelo: I am ready. Michael: Alright! Here we go! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is it. What do you think? Deangelo: Oh, she'll do. She'll do just fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: I am very much looking forward to tommorow. It feels like the culmanation of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune... Michael: [pops up from below camera, and runs out of room] Deangelo: Did that? Did that just happen?! [runs after Michael] We should.. we should write a movie or something! I'm serious! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Michael is leaving. And apparently they've already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [wearing wig] Nope! It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! [winks] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ok, everyone, as you know, one of my favorite things is fanfare for it's own sake. So, without further ado, let's start clapping! Presenting Deangelo Vickers! Deangelo: [blinds roll down, Deangelo waving] Michael: Come on out! Deangelo: Hello! [opens door] How are you sir? Michael: I am well, sir, how are you? Deangelo: Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy, something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else, I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a- [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [drops papers as Deangelo walks by] I'll get that you guys. Don't... it's just... you know... Deangelo: [picks up paper] I'll help you. Kelly: Oh, hi! [obviously flirting body language] Deangelo: Hello! Kelly: Have we met before? Deangelo: No, not officially, actually, I saw you walking out of the bathroom before. Kelly: Well, I guess I'll go back to my cave. It was really great meeting you. Deangelo: [offers Kelly the papers as she walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: And that is what you call a meet cute. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: And we talk for like 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time! Darryl: Kind of embarassing. Angela: Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid. Michael: I happen to like the hilarious hijinx I get myself into. There he is! Deangelo, I was just telling them about last night, when we met. Remember that? That was crazy! Deangelo: Oh. [chuckles] That was... let's see, where's my replacement? Where's the guy I'm replacing? Why don't I look to the left? He's sitting right there! [office laughs] Michael: Oh yeah... I know... that's what I was just saying... that's what... Deangelo: [silences Michael] Andy: That exact situation is why I always carry around some of these. [holds up 'Hello, my name is..,'] nametags. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself. Deangelo: [laughs] Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes. Pam: Well, it wasn't an affair. Michael: Yes it was. Pam: But, no, but we are a family. Jim: [points to picture of Cecelia] We made that. Pam: Cecelia. Deangelo: Well, congratulations. I have four kids of my own. Pam: Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four. [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Uh oh. Someone started off on the right foot with the new boss! Jim: Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Thanks for meeting me. Michael: Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him. Dwight: There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here. Michael: You know me very well, Dwight. Dwight: That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy. Michael: Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I'll be off all day. Dwight: I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: That apple looks delic! Deangelo: I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily calor intake under 1200. [laughter] Stanley: Deangelo, you're going to starve to death. [laughter] Michael: So you decided to have an orgy and not invite me? I call the middle! Darryl: It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? No, I sounded good. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems. Deangelo: Here's the great thing about the southwest; there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen. Kevin: Burnt! It's lush, dummie. Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them. Angela: Deangelo, I forget, did you mention you like politics? Deangelo: I did not. Angela: Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend, he's a state senator. I really think the two of you would hit it off. He's a great person to know. Deangelo: Sounds very interesting, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Ok, let me transfer you. Deangelo: Why do you use your name when you use the phone? Erin: Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend. Deangelo: Try it without using your name. Erin: Dunder Mifflin, this is... oh, I like it! Deangelo: Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you? Erin: Oh, assist. Michael: I sorta like the old way. Deangelo: I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point. Michael: I know, I know, I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just- Deangelo: And it really isn't. Michael: Is that good? Erin: Yeah, ok, good. Deangelo: Well, I'd like to change it, actually. Michael: Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work. Erin: What do you think? Deangelo: I think a change would be nice. Michael: You can do the old way or whatever you think would work. [phone rings] Denagelo: [whispering] Change it. Erin: [picks up phone] ...I'm so sorry. Sorry. [hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: Hey, funny guy. Wanna have a little mid-day lawl here. Make me laugh, huh? What you got? I can't even look at you. Andy: Here we go... ok... what do African Americans call... [laughter] Erin: Deangelo, did you order a barber? Deangelo: Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline. Darryl: Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call? Andy: I... don't know. Help me. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [a barber enters the office for Deangelo] That is so badass. So hardcore. Phyllis: Yeah, real cool. Real power move. Deangelo: I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me. Michael: [to Erin] Shave me. [walks into office with Deangelo] This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies! Deangelo: Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close. Michael: And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael's face, none on the neck] Deangelo: Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it? Michael: It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice. Oscar: You wanted to talk to us Deangelo? Deangelo: Ah, yes, please! Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups. Michael: Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do... [Erin shaves Michael] god... we sorta do more of like powwows or- Deangelo: Ok, then, powwows then, fine. Michael: That's- Pam: Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable. Jim: Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'. Pam: Da-das. Jim: And what happens here is- Deangelo: You know what, enough about your baby, ok? I'm sorry. Jim: We were... I think she was just trying to- Deangelo: No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it. I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better? Michael: You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect. So, you know, come up with something. Oscar: Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent. Michael: Ok, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about. Erin: Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips. Michael: Don't shave my lips. [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: [Andy walks into room] What's up? Andy: I don't mean to go into a rant here, but... [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I wrote the perfect joke. Topical, edgy, funny. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: ...I saw this thing on the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, 'how crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock. Deangelo: Let's not talk politics in the office, ok? I like you better as a funny guy. Andy: [leans on table] I wasn't taking a position. It's just one of those things where- [table collapses under Andy] Deangelo: [laughter] Now that's funny! That's funny! You walk much? Andy: Yeah, right, I mean- [walks into door, jokingly] [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: Little click... Erin: [pushing box into office] Deangelo, this box came for you. Deangelo: Thank you. That's my stuff. Yeah. Michael, take a look at this. Stanley: Need a hand? Deangelo: Oh, that'd be great, thank you Stanley! Michael: You know, this office sort of has a perfect Feng Shui to it, so... you know, let's not go overboard with the re-decorating, and I'm still here- Ryan: [holds up painting of desert to office, who are impressed] Michael: I still have to look at this stuff, guys. Darryl: So this is a ten-gallon hat, huh? Deangelo: Yep, ten-gallon hat. Technically, it only holds about three quartz. Little factoid. Kevin: Interesting. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl's sister: [holds out cowboy boots for Darryl] Darryl: Cool, cool. Alright, see you later. Darryl's sister: Hey, hey, hey! [holds up set of pistols in holsters] Darryl: No, I'm good. Keep them. [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: Hey, funny man! Whatcha got for me? Make me laugh? Andy: [mimes using a rope to pull himself forward to microwave] Let's see if they have my favorite teas in here... [throws tea packets into air, puts hand in unplugged toaster, pretends to be shocked, takes container of cheese-puffs and throws them into air, pours hot coffee on his pants] Deangelo: [laughs] Drink some soap! Andy: [drinks hand soap] Deangelo: [laughter and applause] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I guess this is my life now. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How do I become a manger at Sabre? Gabe: First thing's first, thank you for coming here directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here. Dwight: I left a message at corporate. Gabe: Ahh. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening. Dwight: Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file? Gabe: What recommendation? Dwight: From when he recommended me to replace him. Gabe: ...I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations. [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: Best whale watching[/b]: easily the west coast. If you're going whale watching on the East Coast, you might wanna bring a magazine called "West Coast Whales'. [laughter] Because you're not gonna see them- Michael: [interrupting Deangelo] Snack time! It's the witching hour! It's the sandwitching hour! Kevin: Awesome! Phyllis: Mmm, whatcha got? Michael: PB and J, my mom's recipe! [throws sandwitch at Phyllis] Angela: Michael! Deangelo has a peanut allergy. Deangelo: I need a wide berth. I need a wide berth from those nuts. Stanley: What are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Michael: I think Kevin wants one. Kevin, here you go! [throws sandwitch into Kevin's open mouth] Oscar: Michael, this is serious! Do you know what happens if Deangelo touches a peanut? Michael: What? Deangelo: Michael, the last time I was exposed to a peanut, I was itchy for three days, ok? I had to take baths constantly. I missed the O.J. verdict. I had to read about it in the paper like an idiot. Jim: Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything? Deangelo: No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable. Michael: Oscar, here you go. [throws sandwitch] Deangelo: [uses book to stop the sandwitch's flight] You're getting nut particles all in the air! Michael: No one had a problem with the air here until you came around. Deangelo: [steps into conference room] Everyone, mandatory meeting. Multi-purpose room, now. Michael: No, that's good. You just stay in there, stay in there by yourself, loser. No body go in. [disgusted comments by co-workers] No body go in there. Stay where you are. Oscar: Michael, This is insane. Michael: No, it's not insane, Oscar. I'm been here for 19 years, and just because someone else is called the boss, you're gonna throw it all away? No. Jim: Listen, you're the one who decided to leave. Come on, he's the new boss, you know we have to do this. Michael: Well, who needs him. Guess it's just you and me, Dwight. Dwight: Correction. Just you. Alright, meeting. Multi-function room. Deangelo: [walks out] Hold on, Hey Michael, Michael, wait up, hold on. Um, so for these meetings do you just jump into business or do you start with some chit-chat or...? Michael: I start with some chit-chat and a maybe a couple of jokes. And you might want to develop a couple of characters. You know what, you'll be fine. Deangelo: Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you're leaving. [extents hands for hug] Bring it in, come on. [Michael doesn't accept hug] Ok. [walks back] Michael: Ok. [hugs Deangelo from behind] Why did you have to be so damn good? Deangelo: I... I'm adequete. I'm half as good as you. Michael: No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it. Deangelo: Will you do me a favour and enjoy this time, ok? You've worked so hard, get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time! Micahel: Guess I've been working so hard I forgot what it's like to be hardly working. Deangelo: Ok. What is the Native American girl's name? Michael: You'll figure it out. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece? Deangelo: That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute. Jim: Thank you very much. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand. Jim: We're back in! Right? [SCENE_BREAK] Deangelo: I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.'

Michael's replacement appears in the office, to start receiving training from Michael. The new manager, Deangelo Vickers ( Will Ferrell ), has everyone hoping to make good first impressions: Andy finds himself awkwardly type cast as the funny guy, while Jim and Pam worry that they've come on too strong. Only Dwight is apathetic about the new leader. Michael tries to deal with his jealousy, and establish himself as the boss.

fd_Queer_As_Folk_01x19

fd_Queer_As_Folk_01x19_0

[Brian's bed. Brian is in themiddle of a hot threesome. So, basically, these two guysare all over Brian, while he lounges on his bed, eyesclosed, breathing heavily. The phone's ringing. FinallyGuy One stops chewing on Brian's neck long enough to ask] Guy#1: Are you going to get that? Brian: What? [He listens, and then, closes his eyes.] Brian: When? Yeah, I'll be right there. Guy#2: Everything okay? Brian: Yes, somebody died. Guy#1: Oh, my god. Guy#2: Really sorry. Guy#1: You mean, we should go? Brian: Who told you to stop? [Liberty Diner. Ted, Emmett, andMike are having breakfast.] Emmett: Who would you sleep with? The Professor orGilligan? Ted: Easy, the Professor because of his crisp shirts. Emmett: How he suppose to kept them so crisp on a desertisland. I can't find one in Pittsburgh. Fred Flintstoneor Barney Rubble? Michael: Mmmh, is it for relationship or for s*x? Emmett: One night only. Michael: I would to go with Fred, because he's a totalbear. [Emmett and Ted snort in laughter] Michael: Okay, Mr. Roper or Mr. Furley? Emmett: I'm goona go with Mr.Roper, but only because Ihave an aversion to loud colors on anyone except me. [Brian saunters in, and reposes on the booth seat rightin front of them, closest to the camera. Justin walks upto The Boys' table] Brian: Leap coffee. Emmett: Well, someone was up f*cking until the wee hours. Justin: Was he cuter than me? [Brian checks his watch] Brian: What are you doin' here? Justin: I picked up an extra shift before first period.I'm saving up to go for the White Party. Emmett: Well, my, aren't you two raising him well. Ted: Oh, want anyone see that new Matt Damon movie. Iread in a chat room last night that there's a dick shotin it. It's brief, but nothing the less dick. Emmett: Yeah, totally. Michael: [to Brian] What about you? Brian: I can't. I have family stuff. Michael: What, is your sister fighting with herex-husband again? Brian: My Dad died. Michael: Your dad? Ted: When? Brian: Yesterday. Justin: I'm really sorry. Brian: He was sick, it was time. Justin: But he's your dad. Brian: I said, I'm fine! [Ted, Emmett, and Mike just kind of look at each otheruncomfortably.] [Male bodies dive into a pool andundulate to the surface, before taking massive, slo-mostrokes in the water. Cut to Justin and Daphne danglingtheir feet in the pool, watching the swimmers go by.] Justin: If my dad died I donnu know what I'm do. Daphne: Me neither. How old was he? Justin: Sixty? Daphne: Ancient. Justin: Sixty's not ancient. They say kids born today aregoing to live past 100. Can you imagine having s*x whenyou're a hundred? Daphne: I can't imgaine it doin' now. Justin: Check out Kevin Chase. What do you think? Daphne: Total hottie. Justin: And he's got a huge dick. Daphne: How do you know? Justin: Gym class does have his perks. What about GregMatthews? Daphne: Uh-huh. He's got akne. Justin: Yeah, but a hot ass. Daphne: What about Glen Reeves? [Cut to a strapping although very pale young lad, shakinghis hair like a wet dog.] Justin: He's okay. Daphne: Just okay? Justin: He's kind of adorable. Yeah, he's totallyadorable. And, you know, I've always gotten thiscloseted-homo vibe from him...yeah, I bet with enoughbeers and the right music, we would totally be doing it. Daphne: I didn't know. [Glen walks up to them and grins down at Daphne] Glen: Hey, you! [Daphne jumps up and gives him a hug and a kiss. Justin'smouth drops open more than usual, so he can fit hisentire foot in it. Glen is, like, the tallesteighteen-year-old in the world.] Daphne: Hey Glen, you look great. Justin: What's goin' on? Daphne: Gotcha! Glen: Wanna come to my place and study? Daphne: Actually I was suppose to study at Justin's. CanI give you a rain check and get up? Justin: Sure. [Babylon! It's Police Night, sothat means go-go dancers in hats, blue shirts, and blackjockstraps humping each other on the raised platforms.Yawn. Brian trips down the stairs, finds Mike and Emmettat the bar, glances around] Brian: f*ck! It's a hot crowd, tonight. Michael: Brian, you shouldn't be here! Brian: Yeah, where else I should be? Emmett: At your mom's, planning your dad's funeral? Brian: He's practically buried. Ted: Well, it's reassuring to know that neither rain norsnow can keep you from your appointed rounds. Brian: Consistency is a rare virtue, especially in theseuncertain times. Michael: Look, if you need anything.. Emmett: Running ads... Ted: Make you calls... Brian: It's taking care of. [Brian walks into the Back Room of s*x. He exchanges TheLook with one guy, but it doesn't take. Brian keepswalking, past people engaged in blowjobs, rimming, and videos of people engaged in blowjobs and rimming. Brianwanders around some more possibly searching for a plot.Brian spots a nice young gentleman with a well-muscledchest, and as a non-verbal cue, takes off his shirt.Chest Guy strides over and starts sucking on the areaimmediately in front of Brian's crotch. All of a sudden,Mikey appears, just like old times.] Michael: What do you doin'? Brian: I'm looking for a forth on bridge. Michael: How can you even think about s*x, right now? Brian: What can I say? Death gives me a real hard-on. Michael: Look, why we don't get home? Jesus, Brian, yourdad just died! How can you even think about getting yourdick sucked?! Brian: This is my grief counseling. [Mike's disgusted and stomps out.] [School's out, and as Justin andDaphne are leaving] Justin: Is he actually your boyfriend? Daphne: I guess. Justin: Thanks for telling me. Daphne: You've been f*cking some twenty-nine-year-old guythe whole year. Why can't I see someone, too? Justin: So, how long have you guys been? Daphne: About a months. One day after english class hetalked about Sister Carry how awesome she tried is.Before I knew we're SMS messaging every night. Justin: Oh. Daphne: But we're still best friends, right? Justin: I guess. Daphne: Aren't we? Justin: Yeah. Have you done the nasty yet? Daphne: That's none of your business. Justin: Oh, c'mon, I tell your everything. Daphne: Well, we'll foul around some. He wants do more,so do I. I think. Only he is more experienced as I. And Idoes not want to come off as a total freak who doesn'thave a clue. Justin: So practice first. Daphne: Nah, I'll heart horror stories about the firsttime. If the guy isn't careful, it can be really painful. Justin: Yeah, I was lucky. Brian was all soft. Daphne: That's why I want my first time to be withsomeone who knows what it feels like. Like you. [Justin doesn't say anything. Daphne giggles nervously.] [Woody's.] Emmett: She wants you to f*ck her? Justin: [nods] Yes. Ted: Gay men and straight girls sleeping together. Isn'tthat a sign of the apocalypse? Brian: Have you ever been with a woman? Justin: Lots of times. When I was fourteen, I had sexwith four girls at summer camp; when I was fifteen, I hadan affair with my mom's best friend; when I was sixteen,I had an affair with Mrs. Elstead, my Geometry teacher. [The boys are like, really?] Justin: No. No! Ted: You asshole! Emmett: Well, then, how do you know you can? Brian: Because at his age he could rub up against a treeand have a hard-on. Emmett: Having recently make love with woman, I can giveyou some pointers. Brian: Banging a bull dyke for Jesus isn't exactly makinglove. Michael: I sort of been with a woman. Ted: You have? Michael: Tenth grade. Marcia Grundig gave me a blowjob.Well, she didn't just give it to me; she charged me fivebucks. She charged everybody five bucks. Emmett: That's a...touching... memory. Justin: I don't know if I'm doin' her a favor, but Istill feels weird about it. Ted: Honey, it's a real compliment when she asking youfor doin' this. Michael: Yeah, this means she really trust you. Emmett: Go to her, Justin. Teach her what it is to be areal woman. Brian: Like someone taught you? [Emmett smacks him. Enter Blake. Just bounces in, nice asyou please. Ted freezes.] Ted: Oh, sh1t! Emmett: You were bound to see him eventually. Ted: Why did it have to be tonight?! What do I say? Emmett: Why say something? Ignore him. Ted: I should go over and apologize. Emmett: No, you should answer this: Lenny or Squiggy? [Ted leaps up and walks over to Blake.] Ted: Hey, Blake, listen... Blake: Look, I already told you I don't have your money. Ted: That's not why I'm wanting talk to you. I found mywallet. It was in Emmett's couch. Blake:Congratulations. Ted: You have no idea how horrible, really horrible Ifeel. Look, I know your goin' through a tough time. Butnow I realise after what I've did you have no reason tobelieve me, but if you need anything -- a sympatheticear, a shoulder to cry on, an objective eye... Blake: How about throwing in an arm and a leg? Ted: That, too. If you will. [He shrugs and leaves. Blake thoughtfully looks afterhim.] [The Kinney House. Brian goesthrough his dad's closet and pulls out a suit.] Brian: This is the one he should buried in. Worn out anddreary, just like him. Michael: Should you think you run it by your sisterfirst? Brian: She probably see this old suit and start cryingagain. Michael: Well, at least she's expressing how she feels. Brian: She's milking it for attention. Michael: Don't be cynical. Brian: Claire is a c**t. Dad couldn't even stand her. Herhusband couldn't stand her. Her f*cking kids can't standher. So, she's busy being a basket case I'm start doin'anything else. Funeral home... Michael: Well, I said I would help. Brian: You wanna help? See if you can find one that's nottoo offensive, if that's possible. Mrs. Kinney: Brian... Brian: What?! Mrs. Kinney: Packets or sugarcubes? We're going to have ahouseful of guests, I don't know what people prefer. Brian: I'm sure no one's give a sh1t. Michael: My mom said that people of the diner prefer thepackets for everyone because the cupes are individuellwraped... Mrs. Kinney: How is your mother, Michael? Michael: She is fine. Thank you. Mrs. Kinney: Shewas always such a...character. Please remember to thankher for the sandwhich platter. Michael: I have to say sorry for your lost. Mrs. Kinney:Thank you, Michael. Brian, if you see anyonethat you want please take it. I call the Goodwill andthey coming tomorrow. Brian: That was quick. Mrs. Kinney: Well, I don't like to see things lyingaround -- you know that. [Brian finds his father's bowling ball] Mrs. Kinney: Your father spent more weekends with thatthan he did with me. Packets, right. Glad that's decided. [And she leaves. Mike, still twisting the tie rack] Michael: I forgot what is like in your house. Brian: Yeah, that's why I always was at yours. [Ted's. Blake hesitantly knockson the door. Blake looks older every time we see him.It's obviously pretty late; when Ted opens the door, he'sgot a serious case of bedhead.] Blake: A guy threw up on my bed. Ted: What? Blake: The place where I'm staying, he backed it withsome more drugged-out asshole. Ted: How horrible. Blake: I can't stay there anymore. I just can't. Ted: I don't blame you. Blake: I was thinking about what you said... that I cancall you for any help. Ted: So you came here? Blake: I didn't nowhere else to go. Ted: I'm glad you did. Come in. Blake: You sure? Ted: Sure I'm sure. You are welcome to stay here allnight, a couple nights. Did you bring your stuff? [Blake holds up a backpack.] Ted: Well, it's always good to travel light. C'mon. Blake: I just want you to know, I'm clean. I swear. Ted: I believe you. Blake: Thanks. Ted: Look, let's not...rush into this. I mean, we bothneed time to, uh...process how we feel. I said it wouldbe more propriate not to mention responsibility for bothof us to... of f*ck it! [Ted ends up jumping him again, as the aria from LaTraviata plays in the background...] [The aria from La Traviata playsin the background... and carries over the next day in asnowy cemetery, as Jack Kinney is laid to the rest. TheBoys are there, plus Brian's Lesbians.] priest: We are dust and we will return to dust. Oh MightyGod, with the death of your son on the cross, you haveovercome death for us... [Brian stands with his family. His sister sobs loudlywhile The Ice Queen looks annoyed. Finally Brian can'tstand it any more and, clenching his jaw, walks away fromthe mourners.] priest: We're pray for those who died believing in Jesusand they will be there rising again. [Mike follows him. Brian, with a pained expression on hisface, hands Mike his umbrella and pulls out ahandkerchief. Mike rubs Brian's back in comfort as Brianopens up the handkerchief and pulls out...a joint. Heputs the slightly bent joint in his mouth, lights it, andoffers Mike a hit.] [Kinney's House. Claire wandersaround, inconsolable, picking up plates and sniffling.The Ice Queen pulls her aside] Mrs.Kinney: Claire, would you please pull yourselftogether? Claire: Daddy just died, Mother! I am allowed to fallapart. Mrs.Kinney: Fine. Fall apart. [The Boys and Brian's Lesbians are a little ways off.] Emmett: Can we leave? We're here for a f*cking months. Ted: Year. Mel: You have to be so f*cking loud, for Christ-sake? Michael: We have to stay for Brian. Lindsay: He hasn't said a word. Mel: Or even cry. Michael: Well, Claire's doin' a bang of job foreverybody. [The Princess of Pain sobs on her way tooffering more people more sandwiches. The Ice Queen rollsher eyes. Brian on the couch, holding his father'sbowling bag. His nephews come up] Boy: What's in this bag, Uncle Brian? Brian: Grandpa's head. Wanna see it? [The boys run off screaming. Brian settles back and pullsthe bowling ball out, cradling it like a baby. Across theroom] Lindsay: We better go. We have to pick up Gus. Ted: I, uh, somebody staying with me. Emmett: You do? You don't. Claire: Excuse me, everyone. I thoughed it would be niceif we all share good memory of daddy. Father, would youstart? Father: I must comfess I didn't know him very well. Henever came to my house. Claire: Anyone else? [The Ice Queen's not about to, and neither is anyoneelse. In the face of the overwhelming silence, Lindsaydecides to give it a shot] Lindsay: It was a while ago, Brian and I were in collegehe told me once I smelled nice. Oh, and then he gave me amint. [Brian's about to start snickering. The Ice Queen, whoappears to be wearing a housedress of some kind, isbeginning to get embarrassed.] Michael: I remember one day he took us to bowling. AndI'm a terrible bowler, so is Brian. I think I score like9 after seven frames. And then a miracle happened - Brianroll the ball and it was head to the rest but thensuddenly it change direction and it was a strike. Andwe're so excited, we're jumping up and down. We're didn'trealize that Mr.Kinney had come back from the bar and hadseen the whole thing. And he ran over to Brian and hepicked him up and he hugged him, and kissed him, and toldhim how proud he was of him. Of course Brian allembarrassed and ran off. I guess this moment meant forme, because I didn't have a father. I always rememberthat day and that hug. [Everyone seems impressed by this story. Brian smiles atMike dangerously.] Claire: Thank you, Michael. Mrs.Kinney: That was a lovely story, Michael. Brian: Yeah Michael, that was lovely. Makes me shares mymemories of my own. Like the night that he found out thatyou were pregnant with me. He told her to put on her mostbeautiful dress, took her to the most expensiverestaurant in town, and then -- get this -- leaned overand said, 'Joanie, you're getting yourself an abortion.Because I don't want another f*ckin' kid.' [The Ice Queen doesn't look any more irritated than shedid before.] Brian: Claire, was there anything you wanted to share? [Claire sniffles some more, glares around at everyone,and shuffles off.] [Justin's room. Daphne's withhim.] Justin: C'mon in it. Daphne: Thanks. Justin: Want some music? Daphne? Daphne: Yeah, I want like that. So, how long do you thinkthis is gonna take? Justin: I don't know. Maybe an hour. Daphne: Cause I'll got to be home at six. I promised mymom and my grandmother's over to dinner... Justin: If you don't wanna do this. Daphne: No. No, I'll do. Do you have any condoms? Justin: Are you kidding? Daphne: Because I brought some in case and lubricant. Justin: You really prepared. I guess, we should... Daphne: Yes, we should. [They awkwardly sit down on the bed. Daphne grins shyly] Daphne: In a way, this is your first time, too. I meanwith a girl. Justin: Yeah. We can give it a shot together. Onlyafterwards, Daph? Let's not get weird. Daphne: Weird how? Justin: I don't know... [And then later on they're in bed and Justin's --Justin's moving on top of her. Daphne's still wearing herbra.] [Ted and Emmett stroll down somestreet, laughing about the outtakes.] Ted: What a "Funeral from Hell". Emmett: I always remember his sister scream him, 'Youshit! You sh1t!' Ted: And the Father carrying his mother after her room. Emmett: They didn't come down like an hour. You thinkit's really true? What his father said? Ted: Brian always shock everybody. Somehow I believe it. Emmett: Can you imagine growing up in this house? How didhe ever survive? Ted: Who's to say that he did? [Ted looks at some flowers in front of a store window] Ted: These are kind of nice. Emmett: Yeah, that's fabulous for your romantic dinnerfor two. Ted: I can use the china my grandmother left me. Emmett: Perfect. Perfect. And then don't forget the goodcrystal. I'm sure Blake will appreciate that. Ted: f*ck you! Emmett: Excuse me? Ted: I already told you, he's not using. Emmett: [to the street] Can I show of hands: How manypeople believe that the twink is no longer tweaking? Noone. Ted: Yeah, well, you're all wrong. Emmett: No Teddy, you are. Believe me, I know. Ted: You don't know. You're just jealous. Emmett: Jealous? Ted: Jealous that I've found someone who cares about meand wants to be with me. Emmett: He's using you, Teddy. That what's users do. Ted: That's not true. You just don't want me to havesomething because you don't have it. Like every other fagin the world. [Brian's loft.] Michael: You should apologize. Brian: For what? Michael: You know damn-well! He was your dad! Even if hewasn't always nice to you when he died, he deserve ourrespect. Brian: Bullshit. If you don't earn respect when you'realive, you don't deserve it when you're dead. Anyway youwere very respectful. Everyone was very touched by yourlittle memory. Only you don't remember sh1t. [Brian stumbles up to his bed, snaps open a popper, andtakes a hit.] Michael: Haven't you abused yourself enough? Brian: No! [They plop down on the bed and Brian corrects Mike'stale.] Brian: I got a strike that day, you got that right. Andwe were jumping up and down and screaming. You got thatright, too. And that's when Jack came back from the barand surprise us. He didn't hug me, that was just your'gee, I wish I had a daddy' fantasy. You hugged me,remember? And I gave you a big kiss. And that's when hesaid, "What are you, a couple of fuckingfairies?" And then I pushed you away so hard, youpractically rolled down the lane. And then I ran. [He's standing up is the only way and ripped off hisshirt, popping all the buttons. Mike stops him and makeshim lie down on the bed.] Michael: Maybe coffee wasn't such a good idea. [He takes Brian's shoes off and starts to unbutton hispants so he can put him to bed. All of a sudden, Briangrabs Mike] Brian: Stay here with me. Michael: OK. Just a little bit. [They snuggle, and then Brian pushes Mike onto his backand starts to kiss him.] Michael: You're high. Brian: Yeah. Michael: What are you doin'? Brian: I just fooling around. [Brian, unzipping Mike's pants. Mike stops him] Brian: Isn't that what you've always wanted, Michael? Michael: What, a drunken f*ck so you don't have to thinkabout your dad? I never wanted that. [Brian rolls off him as Mike sits up.] [Babylon! Next to the stairs,Emmett's making out with one of them. Nice kissing.Emmett pulls back] Emmett: You are the best kisser, hands down. [Kissing Guy moves his hands down from Emmett'sshoulders.] Emmett: No, no, sweetheart, that's only an expression.Put them back up. Oh, what a boy. [SCENE_BREAK] [As Emmett's chewing on Kissing Guy's ear, he sees Blake at the upstairs bar, talking to some shaggy-haired guy.] Emmett: Excuse me, lover, I'll be right back. Don't you go anywhere. Stay right there, ok? [Emmett taps Blake on the shoulder.] Emmett: Excuse me. Blake: No, thanks. Emmett: No thanks what? Blake: I don't want to dance. Emmett: I wasn't gonna ask. [to the other guy] Would youexcuse us? Blake: Were the hell are you? Emmett: I'm Emmett Honeycutt. Ted Schmidt's friend? [Blake whispers to the other guy. He left] Emmett: Yeah, we meet you the other night for two weekswhen you passed out on the bathrooms floor. And rush youinto the emergancy room. It start to ring a bell? Blake: I remember now. Emmett: Good. Good for you. Youfeelin' better? Blake: Yeah, Ted's letting me stay with him. Emmett: That's our boy. So, why aren't you there, talkingto him instead of here, talking to a dealer? Blake: Him? He's just a friend. Emmett: Honey, don't bullshit me. Ted, maybe. He doesn'tknow about these things. But we do. Oh yeah, we're knowwhat happens onces you injected crystal needles intothose thinny arms. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn'tlisten. Because he loves you. In fact, he loves you somuch, he believes you're clean. Imagine that! Blake: I love him, too. Emmett: No, you love drugs. So get drugs. Here, I willeven give you the money. But leave him alone. Because ifyou break his heart, I will break your face! [Liberty Diner. Daphne, lookingall cute and non-virginal, walks in in slo-mo, with amuch less cute friend. Justin's startled to see her, buthappy. Daphne gives him the Big Smile.] Justin: Hey. Daphne: Justin. Justin: What are you doin' here? Daphne: We decide to shopping and say hi. Justin: Hi, September. September: Hi Justin. Justin: Can I bring you something to eat, on the house? Daphne: Oh, yeah, hot fudge sundae. September: I'm on a diet, I got ready for the prom. Isuppose you two are going together? [Daphne giggles, embarrassed.] Justin: Daphne, can I talk to you for a minute? [Over in the corner over there.] Justin: Did you say anything? Daphne: About what? Oh, that. You never said it was asecret. Justin: I can't believe it. Daphne: What's so terrible? The worst thing that couldhappen is that people think you're straight. Besideswhich, it was nice. I wanted to share it with someone. [September grins at them hopefully.] Justin: Then I guess it's okay. Daphne: I thoughed we could do something when you get offwork. Justin: I can't. I have plans. Daphne: What plans? Justin: Just plans. Daphne: You didn't tell me? Justin: Why don't you go out with Glen? Daphne: We broke up. Justin: You did? Daphne: I thoughed about it. And I realized we didn'thave much in common. Justin: I thoughed you had an amazing IM. Daphne: Lately, Glen and I have been running out ofthings to chat about. That never happens to you and me. [Ted's office. He's on aconference call with Emmett and Mike. Ted's been lookingeverywhere.] Ted: Except I'm waiting for him for hours. Michael: Maybe he forgot? Emmett: Or he had other plans. Ted: We're supposed to have dinner. Emmett: The flowers were on the table. Ted: Finally I went out and drag him around. I go to thebar and clubs, but I didn't find him. Emmett: Oh, you running into people when you see. Youdon't wanna see some and suddenly... Ted: Do you mind we can stay on track here, please? Emmett: Sure. Ted: Thank you. He never came home. Emmett: Home? Michael: Maybe you could call the police station or thehospitals? Emmett: Or the morgue. Ted: Thanks a f*cking lot! Michael: We're just trying to be helpful. Ted: Would you helpful with suggestions? [PA at Michael's workplace] "Michael Novotny register 19. Michael Novotnyregister 19." Michael: That's me. I got to go. Emmett: You wanna helpful for suggestions? Forget why heleft or where he went, and just be grateful that he'sgone. I got to go. Ted: I'm so glad I called! [The Happy Fun House. Justinhelps to get their new bed up the stairs.] Mel: Now I know why people sleep on putons. Justin: Why don't you buy a matraze on a departmentstore? Mel: Lindsay, darling, you wanna answer on that one? Lindsay: Because I saw an ad for 50% off. Justin: So, in order to save a hundred bucks, you riskedpermanent back injury. Women are so f*cking weird. Lindsay: Why isthis a woman thing? Justin: Because no guy, unless he had money issues woulddo something like that. And you're weird about s*x. AfterI had s*x with my friend Daphne, she flipped out. Mel and Lindsay: What?! Mel: You slept with Daphne? Justin: She wanted me to be her first time. Lindsay: How was it? Justin: She's going to need a little practice. Anywaywe're said that nothing would change, and it totally has.I think she's in love with me. Lindsay: Because it's not so easy for most woman toseparate s*x and love as it is for a man. Mel: Yeah, that was always my biggest complaint aboutmen. Lindsay: And especially when it's your first time. Andhere you are in someone to come into your body. Mel: You never feel so close to anyone in your life. Lindsay: And before you know it, you're falling in lovewith this person, because they've made you feel like howyou never thought you could feel. Mel: So, maybe you understanding why Daphne maybe in lovewith you? [The Bowling Alley. Mike rushesup to Brian, who's wearing his dad's old bowling shirt,has The Ball, and is putting on his bowling shoes.] Michael: I got your message in store to drop everything,right in the middle of the Big Q 24h clearence sale. It'sthe biggest event of the year. Brian: Get your shoes. After your touching eulogy, Idecided to come here and pay my respects to JackKinney... so what do you say we roll one for the oldfuck? [Mike goes first. Gutterball. The mean heterosexual malebowlers in the next lane laugh.] Brian: Heteros: One, Homos: Nothing. Michael: I just paid my respect, let's go. Brian: Hold on. [He strides up to the alley in slow-mo, takes a sec withthe ball, and, with perfect form, throws it down thelane. It's a strike. QaF gives it to us four times fromfour different angles, just so we're sure. A littleconfused about how many strikes Brian made, perhaps, butsure that he made them. Mike jumps up and cheers. Brianraises his hands in triumph, and then makes obscenegestures with his crotch towards the derisive straightmen, crowing] Brian: That's right. The f*cking fairies got a strike!The f*cking fairies are jumping up and down! The fuckingfairies are celebrating! [He grabs Mike, leans him back, and gives him a big kissand then a hug.] [Looks like Daphne has anafter-school job at a music store. Justin walks into themusic store, and Daphne leans over the counter for akiss.] Daphne: The new Pansy Division came in. Wanna hear? Justin: No thanks. Some other time. Daphne: That's a really cool shirt. It goes your eyes. Justin: I see that a million times. Daphne: I'll never noticed. Justin: Actually the reason I came here... well I wassent you an email but... I think it's better to go inperson. Daphne: Why you come over tonight? My parents won't behome. Justin: No! I mean, this is fine. Actually I make surethat you understand that just because we had s*x oncesdoesn't mean hat we now boyfriend and girlfriend. Daphne: I never said we were. Justin: You calling me like eight times a day. Daphne: I only called you three times. Justin: You're right. It was eleven; I'm counting threehang-ups. And the card: 'Friendship is the highest formof love'? Daphne: Right! I get the point! I guess when you've sleptas many guys as you have, I'm sure that's all it was --just another f*ck! Justin: I never said it was justanother f*ck. Besides I'm not slept with that many guys. Daphne: Can we're not gonna talked that here? I got towork. Justin: Daph! I was doing you a favor! That's all it was.That's all it was meant to be. Now, you've totally gottenweird, which we agreed would not happen. Daphne: I'm not the one who got weird. Every since youmeet Brian you are a totally different person. You go outwith him all the time to bars and clubs. It's like Idon't even know you. You've just become this full-timehomosexual. [The friendly neighborhoodflophouse. Ted finds Blake passed out on the basementfloor. He gently wakes Blake up.] Blake: You find me? Ted: Didn't I tell you? Besides I'm being an accountant,I'm also a part-time sleuth. Blake: You're funny. Ted: Yeah. Sheer terror piques my wit. Your hands cold. Iwant you to come back. Blake: I can't. Ted: Don't argue. Blake: I screw everything up. Ted: You won't. I'll make sure of it. I'll take care ofyou. Blake: I want you to go now, please. Ted: And leave you sleeping on a mattress that someasshole threw up on? Blake: I'm the asshole that threw up on it. [Ted takes Blake in his arms. Blake turns away.] Blake: My breath stinks. Ted: I don't care. [An aria plays, Ted kisses him.] Blake: Ted, La Traviata. You never told me how it ends.Does what's-his-name marry the slut? Ted: Of course. Despite the wishes of her cruel fatherand... they lived to sing many glorious duetts. [Brian's Jeep. Brian stops thecar and pulls the bowling bag out of the back seat.] Michael: What are you doin'? C'mon, it's cold! Brian: Patient, young fellow. Patient. Michael: Now what? [Brian yanks the ball out and stands in the middle of thestreet. He throws the ball down the street, and it rollsinto the darkness, disappearing forever. He lifts hisarms in triumph once again.] Brian: So long, Jack! You son of a bitch. [He turns to see Michael by his side, and hugs him tight,crying at last.]

In the throes of a hot session Brian gets upsetting news; Daphne asks Justin to be her first time; Ted wants Blake, despite his crystal meth addiction.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x06

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x06_0

Ted from 2030: Kids, in the fall of 2010, our friends Stuart and Claudia had a baby, and Marshall and Lily were the first to visit the happy new parents. Marshall's and Lily's friends' appartment Marshall: So, have you guys landed on a name yet? Stuart: We're trying, but it's tougher than you think. You see, I like "Tiffany." Claudia: And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name. Stuart: That's my mother's name. Claudia: I know. Stuart: Oh, I got it. How 'bout we name the baby after you-- "Frigid Shrew." Claudia: Oh, that's good. No, no, no, no. Let's call her "Vodka." Then at least we know you'd hold her tight and never let her go! Stuart: Don't knock the vodka. Wouldn't have a kid without it. Marshall: Stuart, you are so... That's not gonna be us, right? I mean, how hard can it be to name a baby? Lily: Right? I mean, just look at her. Yeah. She's clearly a... Marshall: Emily. Lily: Lisa. Marshall: Lisa?! Lily: Emily?! [OPENING CREDITS] The Bar Marshall: Okay! I made a list of awesome baby names. Starting at the top: number one... Ted: I'm gonna stop you right here, Marshall. You name a chubby white kid "LeBron," and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop. Marshall: Then I'm also crossing off, um, "Shaquille"... Mm-hmm. "Hakeem," and "Dikembe." Hey, what about "Rob"? Lily: "Rob"? No. Marshall: Why not? [FLASHBACK] (Lily is in class) Lily: Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make? A turkey? (Rob puts his hand on Lily's breast) Rob: Honka, honka! [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Not "Rob." Marshall: um, how about "Ryan"? Ted: Ooh. [FLASHBACK] (all screaming, Lily has a something stuck in her leg) [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Not "Ryan." Marshall: "Johnny?" [FLASHBACK] Lily: Hey, where's the goldfish? (A child is eating the fish) [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Not "Johnny." Or "Gil." Marshall: "Jeremy." [FLASHBACK] Lily: Jeremy, no! (Jeremy is throwing paint around the room) [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Definitely not "Jeremy." His stuff was so derivative. (Robin comes in and sits next to Ted) Marshall: Well, I mean, geez, Lily. Robin: Well, whatever you do, do not name your baby "Becky," right? Marshall: Why? What? Robin: Becky. My new co-anchor? Don't you guys ever watch the show? Lily: Oh, honey, I really try. Marshall: Our DVR won't recognize it as a television program. Ted: I watched. Robin insisted I confirm how "awful" Becky is, so last night I checked it out. [FLASHBACK] Robin: Peace talks in the region have been described as, "productive." Becky? Becky: (in baby voice): Last night, in Staten Island, a taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint. Aww... That's so sad. Robin: Becky, we're-we're journalists. We can't get emotional about the news, we... Becky: Oh, no! They stole all his money and then pelted him with his own taco meat! Who would do that? Robin: Well, if you read the story, we might find out. Becky: Oh, can I do this one, about the horse? I love horseys. Mm-hmm. Aww, the horse died. Guys! This news is all really sad. [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: Okay, no holds barred-- what'd you think of Becky? Ted: Mmm... (muttering) I thought she was charming. Robin: You, too? Can somebody please explain to me why the little girl act works on men? Barney: You want the long version or the short version? Lily: Short version. Barney: Short version. Who's your daddy? Lily: You know, when you think about that, that phrase is really creepy. Marshall: No, it's not. It's fun. Here, watch this. Hey, Lily... Who's your daddy? Robin: Okay, uh, let me get this straight. So, in, uh, in this scenario, because you make such sweet love to Lily, she is now your daughter. Marshall: No, she is not my daughter. I'm just her daddy. Ted: Wow. That is disgusting. Robin: Exactly. And it's not like the opposite would work. There's no way a guy could pick up a girl, going around talking like a little boy. Barney: Challenge accepted. Robin: No. Barney: I, Barney Stinson, will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy. (all grumbling in protest) Lily: Okay. Here's my list of baby names. Marshall: Oh. Lily: What about "Tara"? Marshall: No. Not "Tara." Tara was the hottest girl in my high school. We were all, like, obsessed with her. [FLASHBACK] Marshall: We didn't just talk about her and fantasize about her... We wrote songs about her. Marshall and his friends, singing: * Tara, your booty is so smooth; And I hope this isn't rude; But I want to get up on it. * [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Not "Tara." Lily: What about "Esther"? [FLASHBACK] Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Coming up on the main stage, give it up for Esther! Marshall: Oh. Oh. Hey, Barney. That prime rib was surprisingly good, but it's 10:30 in the morning. I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance. Barney: Oh, Esther gets naked. But she doesn't dance. Marshall: Then what does she do? Sweet mother nature! Barney: That was my card! Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Give it up for Esther! (explosive pop, men cheering and whistling) [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Not "Esther." I need a drink. Ted? Ted? (Marshall and Ted go away) Ted: Marshall, your list is entirely boy names. You do realize there's roughly a 50% chance of you having a daughter, right? Marshall: Okay, honestly, I've never thought about having a girl. I don't want to think about having a girl. Tara, Esther -- can you imagine being one of those girls' dads? (Marshall is visualizing high school boys singing a song for his daughter: * Marshall's daughter; Your booty; Your booty's so smooth. *; then in a club: Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. On the main stage, give it up for Marshall's daughter.) He screwed up my childhood. That's why I do this. Marshall: I have no idea how to raise a daughter! What if she makes bad choices? I mean, what if she winds up dating some... Oh, God. Marshall's daughter: Papa, I want you to meet my new boyfriend. Barney: Hey, bro. Thanks for making such a hottie. (weak laughter) Who's your daddy? Marshall's daughter:You are, 'cause of all the s*x we have. (Barney chuckles salaciously) Marshall: I don't want a girl. I just want a little boy. Ted: It's not what it sounds like, folks. Marshall is on a visio conference with his parents Marshall: Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Judy: Marshall? Is that you? Marshall:Oh, okay, um... You guys, you're a little too close to the camera. Can you back up a bit? Marvin: How's this? Marshall: Every time. Um, can you just sit in front of the computer like normal human beings? Perfect! Perfect. Marvin: What's up, shooter? Marshall: Um, to be honest, I'm getting a little freaked out about the idea of having a daughter. I know you two probably aren't the right people to talk to about this. You had all boys. Marvin: Oh, well, that was just dumb luck. Hey, honey, would you get me a brewski from out of the shed? Judy: Sure. You want anything, Marshall? Marshall: I'm in a computer, Mom. Judy: Oh. Marvin: Yeah, all boys. Total co-winky-dink. It was no co-winky-dink. Since the Viking age, the Eriksen men have passed down ancient secrets for conceiving boys. Number one, avoid lemons. They're baby girl fertilizer. Marshall: Okay... No offense, Dad, but I doubt there's any scientific data to support-- Marvin: "I doubt there's any scientific data to support.."" I had all sons. Your grandfather had all sons. Your great-grandfather had all sons. Scoreboard! Who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"? Robin's work place Robin: Members of the G-8 convened today in Vienna to discuss plans to fight climate change by re... What? Becky: Ask me what I did yesterday. Robin: Hey, Becky, Becky, this is our news segment, okay? Nobody cares what you did yesterday. Becky: Lighten up, Robin. (in baby voice): What'd you do, sweetheart? Robin: Mike! Becky: Well, I'm new in town and don't know many people. But yesterday, I met the sweetest man, who took me on a tour of the city. (whispering) Guys, New York is kind of cool. Robin: Okay, back to the G-8 conference. Hello? Mike, can I get in the shot? Fantastic. Becky: Then this cutie patootie took me to this bar called MacLaren's, right underneath his apartment. Robin:Wait-- did you go out with Ted Mosby? Becky: Yes! Guys, I went out with Robin's roommate. I saw her bedroom. (whispering) She's a messy Bessie. Robin:In other news, later today, a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat. [SCENE_BREAK] The Bar Ted: Ow! Robin: Ted, of all the women in New York, you had to go out with an eight-year-old girl? Ted: Not what it sounds like, folks. Robin: Ted, you know that I hate her. How could you go out on a date with this girl? Ted: It wasn't a date. She came over to the apartment looking for you. [FLASHBACK] Becky: I made Robin my famous chocolate chip cookies. But instead of chocolate chips, I used gummie bears. Ted: Aww... Becky: (shrieks) A spider! [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: Let me guess: she acted like a helpless little girl, and you stepped in as the big, strong man. Ted: I don't know if that's totally true. [FLASHBACK] Ted: It's okay, little darlin'. Becky: Poor spider. Ted: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Spiders gotta die so trees can grow. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Then I held her tight and told her it was all gonna be okay. By the way, I think I only wounded the spider. It crawled off into my bedroom. Robin: Wait. Is that why you slept on the couch last night? Ted: (scoffing) Yeah, I slept. Barney: I'm dying out here. Talking like a little boy is not working with the ladies. [FLASHBACK] Barney: (in childlike voice) Wow, lady. You got some tig ol' bitties! Gosh! Your body's a perfect... this many. (To another girl) Hi. Do you want to wrestle with our special bathing suit places? Come on! [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily's and Marshall's appartment Marshall: Mm, I just need two seconds, baby. Lily: I know you think that's a compliment, but I'd rather you took your time. Marshall: No, um... I'll be right back. (Marshall goes into the bathroom et takes a box from the bathtub) [FLASHBACK] Marvin: Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden. First, eat pickled herring. Eat it! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: This is ridiculous. (He imagines his daughter, pregnant et in a wedding gown) ANNOUNCER: Gentlemen, gentlemen, on the main stage, throwing her life away, give it up for Marshall's daughter! The Bar Barney: (little boy voice) Hey, want to have a three-way with me and my imaginary friend? His name's Otis. Hey, hey, want to come to my house and play telephone? I got the string; you got the cans. (giggles) I wet myself! Will you change me? Can't blame her on that one. Guys... I have some terrible, terrible news. I, Barney Stinson, can't pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy. Challenge forfeited. Robin: Yeah, we don't care about this... Ted: No one challenged you, so it wasn't really a challenge. Barney: (whispers) I'm sorry. Man: Hey, Gerard, what's with that shirt? Nobody could pick up a chick wearing that thing. Barney: Challenge accept... Ted: Wow, I'm glad that's over. It was creepy watching Barney talk like a little kid. Robin: Oh, but you find it irresistible when Becky does? I don't get it. The Ted that I went out with was attracted to the kind of woman who could use a steak knife without supervision. Ted: For your information, Becky doesn't like steak, she likes pasghetti. Spaghetti. And more importantly, she makes me feel needed. Robin: Needed? (scoffs) She makes training wheels feel needed. Ted: Hey, it's nice to feel needed. And you know what? It's not a feeling guys get when they're with you. [FLASHBACK] Marvin: Son... Viking lore tells us that to ensure the continuation of your noble male lineage... get a big old bowl of ice and dunk your man sack right in there! Judy: You two and your football. [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Okay. (He dunks your man sack in a big old bowl of ice) Mm-hmm. [FLASHBACK] Marvin: Now get in there, point Lily due north and make me a grandson! Eriksen! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Eriksen! (Marshall goes out of the bathroom) The Bar Robin: When we were dating, I... I didn't make you feel needed? Ted: Come on! You always took charge of everything. [FLASHBACK] (Ted takes the pizza and is going to pay for it when Robin arrives) Robin: I got this. Ted: Thanks. (Later, on the couch) Ted: This okay? Am I hurting y... Robin: I got this. Whoa! (Later) Ted: Someone's trying to break in-- call the cops. (Robin comes out of the room, a gun in her hand) Robin: I got this. [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: Did that really bother you? Ted: Well, yeah. It's nice to be needed. Look, I'm sorry. (phone chimes) I didn't mean to upset you. It's Becky. Aw, she's trapped in a revolving door. Robin: I got this. Ted: Yeah. Lily's ans Marshall's bedroom Marshall: (goofy voice) Let's make a baby! Lily: Whoa! Baby, you're packing snowballs, and your breath smells like a mermaid fart. Marshall: Loving the dirty talk-- but you know what's even hotter? If we face this-a-way. Ooh, we're bad. Lily: Wait... hey, baby, why are you facing me north? You're trying to make us have a boy. Marshall: I... can ex... How do you know about the north thing? Um, um... And what are you doing with those lemons? [FLASHBACK] Marvin: Baby girl fertilizer! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: You're trying to make us have a girl! You are trying to make us have a girl. Lily: All my least favorite students have been boys. So I Googled "how to make a girl some really weird stuff came up but finally, I found this conception Web site that said you should point south at the moment of conception... eat a lemon......and heat up your lady parts to a balmy 105 degrees. (blow-dryer whooshing) Ooh... ah... Oh, that's not bad. Marshall: Lily, how could you do... exactly the same thing I did? You're supposed to be the sane one. Lily: See that? Another boy expecting a woman to clean up his mistakes. That's why girls are way better than boys. Marshall: Oh, really. Well, then how come whenever there's a creepy kid in a horror movie it's always a little girl? Or twin girls, who speak... (eerily): in unison. Lily: Oh, well, what about Chucky? Marshall: Okay, A) He was a doll; B) He was possessed by an adult serial killer; and C) How could you bring up Chucky right before bed? Robin is at Barney's door Robin: Hey. Barney: Hey. Robin: Hey. Um, when we were dating, did... did I make you feel needed? Barney: No, I didn't feel like you needed me at all. Robin: That's what I thought. Uh, I'm sorry. Barney: Wait, where are you... That's a compliment. You are the least needy woman I've ever met-- that's awesome. I mean, no guy's gonna say "Who's your daddy?" to Robin Scherbatsky. You're your own daddy. And mommy. And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun blaming stuff on the government. And that is what makes you the most... amazing, strong... independent woman I've ever banged. Robin: Thanks, Barney. You know, um... there's something that I wanted to ask you, and I don't really know how to say it so... here goes. Who's the crazy chick in the apron? Woman: (baby voice) Someone naughty left his toys on the floor and needs to be spanked on his tushy-tush. Barney: (baby voice): Uh-oh, I'm in "twubble." Woman: You did it? How? Barney: Last night, after admitting defeat, I just let myself go. [FLASHBACK] (Barney is eating an icecream at the bar) Woman: Mmm, that looks so good. Can I have some? Barney: No! It's my ice cream; you can't have any. Woman:(baby voice) Someone needs to teach you how to share. Who's your mommy? [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: Challenge completed! (chuckles) Now, uh, can you get this freak out of here? I'm really scared. Robin: I got this. At Stuart's and Claudia's Lily: Oh, so you finally agreed on a name? Claudia: Uh, well,vthe other night she ran a really high fever. [FLASHBACK] (Stuart and Claudia are taking their girl to the hospital) Stuart: We rushed her to the emergency room at 3:00 in the morning, but they wouldn't admit her without a name. Right then and there, we realized how stupid we were being. [END OF FLASHBACK] Claudia: We looked at each other and, well, we just knew. Our baby's name is... Esther. Marshall: Esther? That's beautiful. Lily is throwing the lemons Lily: We're idiots. Marshall: Baby, names and gender, it's just, like... it's some way of giving ourselves the illusion that we have any control whatsoever. I- I just want a healthy, happy, 12-pound-- Lily: Whoa. Marshall: Ten-pound? Eight-pound? Lily: I guess, but, dude, you're writing checks my v*g1n* can't cash. Marshall: I love you. And I'm gonna love the crap out of whatever baby we have. Lily: Me, too. Marshall: You know what? We should just think of a name that's good for either a girl or a boy. Like, um... Marshall & Lily: Jamie. Lily: Marshall... we just named our baby. Jamie. The Bar Lily: Not Jamie. (Lily leaves the bar. She has two hand prints on her ass) Ted is offering an ice cream to Becky Ted: Shoe's untied. I got it. Yeah, this is over.

Marshall and Lily research how to conceive a baby with the gender of their choice. Meanwhile, Robin is growing more and more irritated by her perky new co-anchor, Becky.

fd_Angel_02x05

fd_Angel_02x05_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Kate from "TSILA": "I'm glad we're not playing friends anymore." Shot of Angel morphing into vamp face from "Somnambulist." Angel from "TSILA": "I didn't kill your father (shot of Kate crying as she sees the bits marks on her father's body, from "The Prodigal") and I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything you can't handle." From "TSILA" Holland to Lindsey: "Senior partners were very impressed with your sacrifice. (shot of Angel severing Lindsey's hand to save the scroll) We'll even the score with him." From Judgement Darla: "He killed me." Lindsey: "He's taken from both of us. So when you feel ready (shot of Darla crawling all over Angel in his dream) we start thinking about giving a little back." From "FI" Angel: "Why are you so good to me after everything I did to you." Darla: "Because you and I are one." Shot of Angel sleeping. Wesley is behind the counter with a big, old book in front of him. Cordelia is looking at some papers. Angel comes in and plops down on the sofa. Wesley: "We made you some tea." Angel: "Great." Cordy: "It's on the table right there in front of you." Angel: "Table seems far." Cordy: "Ahhh, you must be all worn out from sleeping for the last three days. (To Wesley) It's like living with the world's oldest teenager - he can't be having a growth spurt at two hundred and forty-eight, could he?" Angel: "Two hundred and forty-seven." Cordy to Wesley: "According to my figures, if we are frugal and garner some paying clientele soon, we're financially sound through last Wednesday." Wesley: "What? Where's it all going?" Cordy: "Well, there's the fixed costs - the mortgage on the giant hotel, my salary - there's lots of other..." Wesley: "What about my salary? That's fixed, too." Cordy: "What if - every time you identified the demon in one of your big old books, we gave you ten bucks - or a chicken pot pie." Wesley: "Oh wait, I have another idea. - No! Get a vision." Cordy: "It's not like you just hit me in the head and WHAM it happens." Wesley: "What if (lifts up his book) we test that theory with one of my big old books?" Angel: "Children, quit bickering. Something will turn up. - Something always does." Suddenly, Cordy is hit with a vision. Angel leaps to his feet, catching her. Angel: "Like that." We get a blurry shot of a bunch of robed guys fighting with fists and weapons. A green, slimy monster seemingly growing out of a wall. Wesley is looking through some old books laid out on Angel's desk, while Cordy is pacing with Angel hovering over her. Angel: "Are you all right? You're sure you don't want to sit down?" Cordy rubs her head: "If I sit I throw up in my head." Wesley points to a picture in his books: "Did it look like this?" Cordy: "No, more mushy and more moldy - It was growing right out of the wall!" Angel plops back down on the couch: "Maybe I'll just..." Cordy: "Mush monster's not going anywhere, it's the place we've got to find - its disciples are human, they're killing each other. I think the fight is over how to worship it." Angel: "This is why personally I rarely go to church. (Wesley and Cordy ignore him) I thought it was funny." Darla: "So did I." Suddenly Darla is sitting on Angel's lap, nuzzling and kissing him, while Wesley and Cordy go on with their research as if she wasn't there. Darla: "God I miss you..." Wesley: "Well, what did the place look like?" Angel jumping up with a shout (there is no Darla), making Cordy and Wes turn to look at him Angel: "Ah. Didn't doze off - here I am - where were we?" Wesley: "Trying to ascertain the location in Cordelia's vision." Angel pacing: "Ascertaining, here we go." Cordy: "You're so weird lately. - It felt sacred - in a twisted demonic kind of way, it's-it's underground, like in a tank or something... full of pillars." Angel: "Like a water tank." Cordy: "Could be." Angel: "Saint Bridget's, in Fremont. A convent, built on native burial grounds. The land's cursed, they had eight murders in two years before the whole place burned to the ground - which is nothing compared to what happened at Our Lady of Lochenbee... (They give him a look) I have a thing for convents. Anyway the state bought Saint Bridget's and dug a water tank there. We're gonna need some muscle. Call Gunn, he's on the payroll now." Wesley: "Right - but not in a fixed way like me. He's more an outside contractor - do you think we can really afford..." Angel: "Wesley." Wesley reaches for phone: "Calling Gunn." Night. Angel, Gunn, Cordy and Wesley are coming down a long stairway into a huge cavernous chamber full of long slender pillars. They stop at the bottom looking over where people in black robes are fighting others wearing red in front of the slimy thing from Cordy's vision, spanning the space between two pillars. Gunn: "You are not paying me enough for this. - My uncle Theo always said never buy a dull plow and never get in the middle of a religious war." Cordy: "You really have an Uncle Theo?" Gunn: "No, but it's still good advice." Angel to Wesley: "So, what do you think, a thrall demon?" Wesley: "Yeah." Angel: "So kill the Big Ugly, it un-thralls the groupies and they stop killin' each other." Wesley: "Absolutely. Yes. That's the theory. Thrall demons can be tricky." Cordy: "Well, at least they're killing each other and not..." Just then the slimy demon spots them. Turfog: "Intruders!" Both black and red robes turn from fighting each other to stare at Angel's group. Cordy: "...us." The thrall demons groupies charge them, screaming. A big fight ensues. Angel gets knocked down from behind by one of the red robes. He rolls back up and starts waling on the guy (much like Faith did on that vamp in FHT), oblivious to everything else. Gunn: "Angel, I'll try to get fat head - watch my back. (Nothing from Angel) Or just keep beatin' on that big guy." Cordy runs up ax raised to clobber Turfog, but is hauled back by one of the disciples. Wesley hits the guy holding Cordy over the head, freeing her. Gunn makes his way through the fight and sinks his homemade ax into Turfog's head and all the fighting stops - except for Angel still waling on the guy laying on the floor. Wesley: "Angel, it's over. (Pulls him off) Stop!" Wesley walks back over to the others as Angel looks down at his victim and wipes a hand across his forehead. Night. Angel's group and the now peaceful disciples are coming out of a little building housing the head of the stairs. Gunn to Angel: "So this whole teamwork deal, that's a thing of the past now?" Angel: "Job got done. (Angel tosses his car keys to Cordy) Take the car, I need to..." He heads off as the others stand and watch. Wesley: "He's just - he hasn't been sleeping well lately." Cordy: "He's off his game." Gunn: "Since when is it a game?" Angel walks down the promenade at night. There is a juggler, clowns making balloon animals, street vendors, musicians, lots of passers-by. Suddenly Angel looks up and sees a blonde in a striking red dress. We flash to a shot from Angel's recent dream, as Angel recognizes her as Darla. Intro. Angelus is walking down a street filled with people in regency clothing and horse-drawn carriages. He's about to pass the mouth of an alley when he stops and turns down into it. He holds out his hand, and a woman takes it and lets him help her up. Angelus: "I thought we were meeting in the Square." Darla: "I ran into Lord Nichols - horrid little man. (She looks over at a body with bite marks on his neck lying on the ground) He was propositioning a streetwalker and dickering over the price - can you imagine? I told him I'd do him for nothing." Angelus: "You're very charitable." Darla delicately dabbing at her mouth with a handkerchief: "I so loathe cheap royalty." He leans in, half-kisses half-licks her mouth. Angelus: "They all taste the same to me." Darla: "Mmmmmm - my boy does have the touch." Angelus: "Darla." Darla: "Yes?" Angelus: "Why'd you kill the streetwalker?" Next to the man lies a dead woman. Darla: "Oh - I just liked her. - Guess what's next?" Darla and Angelus exit the alley and walk along the street. Angelus: "What is it?" Darla: "Surprise. You have to guess." Angelus scans the street. Finally spots a family with three young daughters coming out of a building. Angelus: "The three daughters - all virgins." Darla: "Close." Angelus: "The one in the middle has something delicate and unique... Did you find me a Saint?" Darla: "Better than that - she has the sight." The girl in the middle turns. It's Drusilla. She looks straight into Angelus' eyes. Angelus: "Visions. She sees the future. (Angelus, Darla clinging to his arm, starts walking towards Dru) She is pure innocence, yet she sees what's coming, she knows what I'm going to do to her. I'll really have to come up to snuff for this one." Dru turns away from them and herds her sisters away. Darla puts a hand on Angelus chest to stop him from following further. Darla: "Down boy, let the plum ripen." Angelus: "You always come up something new." Darla: "Keeps me young." Back on the promenade present day Darla is passing between two clowns making balloon animals and a guy dress up like a giant hot dog. Angel tries to catch up to her, but a group of people blocks his view of her for a moment and after they pass, Darla is nowhere to be seen, no matter how hard Angel looks around. Hotel lobby day. Harold Jeakins is sitting on the couch across from Cordy and Wesley, nervously playing with one of Angel's business cards. Harold: "I really need some help. They say he handles things - you know, unusual things. I'd like to see him right away." Cordy: "And he wants to see you - just as soon as he returns from an important case. Why don't I take a preliminary report and give you a list of convenient payment plans." Wesley hands Harold a list. Harold: "Well, it's my wife, Claire, she's really a lovely..." Wesley: "Go on, it's all right." Harold: "She gets abducted by aliens, on a regular basis." Wesley: "Aliens." Cordy: "From outer space?" Harold: " It's more common than people realize - one minute she's there and the next - she always comes back in a day or so." Wesley: "What is it you'd like us to do, Mr. Jeakins?" Harold: "I trust Claire - but I found this receipt from the Franklin Hotel (produces receipt) weekend before last when she was supposed to be in - the Trifid Nebula!" Cordy takes the receipt, looks at Wesley. Cordy: "I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this." Behind them Angel comes up from the basement looking as if he'd been out walking all night. Harold: "I mean if it's not aliens... (sees Angel) Is that?" Wesley nods. Cordy: "Mr. Jeakins, say hello to your new best friend." Harold gets up: "Do you think my wife's cheating on me?" Angel keeps walking towards his office: "Probably." Cordy: "Oh, he-he really likes you, he's jumping right in." Harold: "He's taking the...? He didn't seem that..." Wesley walks Harold towards door; Cordy heads to Angel's office. Wesley: "Oh he's eccentric, all the great are. Sherlock Holmes, Phillip Marlowe..." Harold: "Those are fictional characters." Wesley: "Right you are! Which gives Angel rather a leg up when you come to think it." Wesley walks out with Harold. Cordy to Angel as she sits down to enter information into the computer: "That's a terrific way to treat our customers - especially since we so many of them." Angel moves up behind her. Cordy: "See his file? (Angel leans down as if to get a better look at the screen but instead starts smelling Cordy's hair) He has Visa, MasterCard and a problem - he's our target audience. But if you want to be rude, I guess it's your shop - Angel? (Angel is touching her hair) What are you...? What are you... personal bubble. (she jumps off her chair and heads away from Angel) Personal bubble!" Wesley comes back in at this moment. Wesley rolling up his sleeves: "I need to speak to you, man to man. Cordelia, you may not want to be here for this. - Was it something I did?" Cordy: "He was feeling my hair." Wesley: "What?" Angel: "I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to - I-I've been so out of it - lately, because of her. - I saw her - here in town. Last night." Cordy: "Oh no, not again. Look, I like Buffy as much as the next..." Angel: "Not Buffy, Darla." Wesley: "Darla, the vampire? Your sire?" Angel: "I've been dreaming about her like crazy. And the dreams have been so - I thought I was losing my (laughs) my mind. But she's back, she's alive." Wesley: "What you're saying is impossible. You staked her to dust three half years ago." Angel: "I know that. I also know it was her." Wesley: "Vampires don't come back from the dead." Angel: "I did. And I saw her. I'm not crazy!" Wesley: "Where?" Angel: "Right between the clowns the big, talking hot dog. (They just look at him) Walking on the promenade." Wesley: "You said yourself you've been dreams. Maybe it's guilt over killing your sire..." Cordy: "Right, guilt. Who loves guilt like you love guilt? You know what you need? You need to go to work. We just got an exciting new case: could be aliens could be adultery. It's a corker!" Angel, not really listening: "Maybe I'm dreaming about her because she's here..." Wesley: "And maybe you think she's here because you're dreaming about her." Darla stands by the desk in Lindsey's darkened office as he watches her. Darla "He's falling apart." Lindsey: "That's wonderful. Unhinging a man with all his particular and weaknesses takes a lot of work." Darla: "I created a lot of those strengths and weaknesses. I think I have a pretty good handle on them." Lindsey: "We're counting on that. You've given us more information on Angel than we had when he first got here. Nobody knows him (drops a manila envelope on his desk) better than you do. - Especially the side we're interested in." Darla steps closer to him: "So, what is the plan exactly? - I tease him to death?" Lindsey: "We don't want him dead. We want him dark. And there is no better way to a man's dark side than to awaken his - nastier urges, is there?" Darla looks at Lindsey's artificial hand: "He did that to you. What's it feel like?" Lindsey: "Doesn't feel like anything." Darla motions towards his hand: "Can I?" She reaches out and strokes his fake hand. Darla: "It's very smooth. - You don't feel anything." Lindsey: "Not in my hand. (Darla smiles and takes a step back from him) How is it - seeing him again?" Darla turns away from him: "It's strange." Lindsey: "He betrayed you." Darla playing with the scales on a statue of Justice: " Everyone betrays you, that's not what eats you in the long winter's night..." Lindsey: "Yeah? What does?" Darla: "Missed opportunities. - He got a soul and it sickened me.- All that power wasted on a whiny mopey do-gooder. God, I could eat his eyeballs." Lindsey: " Our plans for Angel are a little more long term than that - but if you can't help yourself, then, by all means, be my guest." Darla: "You're fun for a human." Lindsey picks up the manila envelope: "I have a particular interest in this guy - a lot of people do. Kate sits behind a desk as a detective approaches it carrying a manila envelope. Police scanner: "...four-thirteen in progress at the corner of Yucca and Ivar - unit six is responding..." Kate: "Jack, what brings you to Siberia?" Jack: "Hello Kate." Kate: "You been sick?" Jack: "No." Kate: "Busy then - too busy to pick up a phone and say hi?" Jack: "Ah." Kate: "We were friends. - I thought you were different." Jack: "Hey, I went to bat for you - I stuck my neck out when they decided to move you out of downtown. But you don't like mainstream work, you've got the scanner (points to scanner) going day and night, chasing the bizarre and grotesque, what, did you think they'd promote you? (Drops the envelope on her desk) A - friend of a friend thought you might want this." She opens the envelope. Inside is a picture of the Hyperion Hotel and a new business card of Angel's, with new address and phone number on it. Also a note that reads: He's moved. Kate: "Thanks." Jack: "Stay out of trouble." Cordy, wearing a skimpy yellow waitress uniform picks up some empty glasses from a table at an up-scale hotel. Walks past a blonde and a guy wearing the uniform of a repairman. Man: "You sure about this, right in the middle of the day?" Cordy slides some napkins with a tiny microphone hidden between them along the top of the bar so it is aimed at them. Claire: "Marty, the aliens abduct me when the mood hits and the mood hit pretty hard this morning right about the time Harold left for work." Man: "No kiddin', yeah?" Angel hidden behind a planter is listening to Claire via an earwig: "Of course if you're not in the mood..." Man: "No, no, I'm in the mood, (Wesley sitting reading a newspaper lifts a tiny camera to his eye and snaps a picture of the couple) I'm deep in the mood. I'm going to abduct you right now and conduct my own probe. (Claire laughs) - It's just I still got a lota repairs..." Angel looks down at the small tape recorder in his hand. Claire: "Well, I hope nothing important is broken." Man: "No, no. It all works." Claire getting up from the bar: "So lets go upstairs." Angel shakes his head and comes out from behind the planter and heads to intercept them. As he passes by Wesley (snapping more pictures) he pulls the camera out of his hand. Angel: "Claire, hold on." Claire stops, startled: "Do I - know you?" Cordy comes to stand behind Wesley staring at Angel. Angel: "I've been listening. I'm over here behind some plant with this machine (takes the earwig out) recording you two, while my associates here (gestures towards them. Cordy waves at them, while Wesley retreats behind his newspaper.) been tailing you around all day taking pictures. I don't like doing this. It's crass. Your husband knows. Go home. Tell him the truth. Work it out or - leave. I don't care. But this..." He throws the camera at them and the guy catches it. After a short look at each other he and Claire leave in opposite directions. Angel moves off, Cordy and Wes fall into step with him. Cordy: " What was that? We had a paying client." Angel: "Not everything is worth getting paid for." Cordy: "Easy to say when you don't need food to survive." Angel slaps his recording equipment against Wesley's chest as he spots Darla, getting up from a chair across the lobby of the hotel. Angel: "That's her." He steps in front of her as she walks out while looking through her purse and she bumps into him. Darla: "Oh, I'm sorry..." Angel: "I guess you didn't take that whole "dusk to dusk" thing to heart, huh? (Grabs her wallet and flips it open to reveal several credit cards stuck in its pockets) What are you trying to do - pass as human?" Darla grabs the wallet and stuffs it into her purse: "Excuse me." Angel: "I know your voice, Darla. I can smell you." Cordy: "Uh-oh." Darla: "I don't know what you're talking about. Now just leave me alone?" She tries to pass him but he grabs a hold of her arm. Angel: "I don't know what kind of game you're trying to play, but you're not gonna win." Wesley: "Angel, I really think..." Hotel security guy: " Is everything all right?" Darla: "No. This man, he's trying to - my name is DeEtta Kramer. My husband is outside right now getting our car right now. I don't know anyone named Darla." Angel: "I know it's you. And I know you're not going out into that sun anytime soon." The security guard tries to pull Angel away, but Angel throws him off. Darla runs screaming away from him. Darla: "Stephen! Stephen!" Wesley puts a hand on Angel's arm: "Angel..." Angel shakes off his hand, never taking his eyes of Darla as she runs towards the sunny patch in front of the doors. A guy comes running and catches her in his arms. Stephen: "Are you okay?" Darla nods, looking back towards Angel, who stares at Darla standing there, unaffected by the sun shining in on her. Angel, Cordy and Wesley enter the Hyperion's hotel lobby. Cordy: "That was really fun, the humiliation, running from the hotel security staff - and the nifty little outfit, which seemed to tell so many conventioneers "pet me, I'm a whore." Angel moves to hotel desk, rifling through a big phone book. Wesley: "It wasn't pleasant but at there's a silver lining." Cordy: "What silver lining?" Wesley: "The woman walked into direct sunlight - obviously she's not a vampire, obviously Angel - made a mistake." Cordy: "Ya' think?" Wesley: "We'll just put our heads and help him come to grips with this thing. (to Angel) You're among friends, we're not going to condemn you." Cordy: "Right. (to Angel) You're crazy, you need professional help." Angel: "It was Darla. She's back - and she's human now - but I know her scent." Wesley: "Angel - you can't just - sniff a person and know..." Angel leans ever so slightly closer to Wes, inhales. Angel: "You had s*x last night, with a bleached blonde." Wesley: "Good Lord, how'd you...?" Cordy: "That's unbelievable. (to Wesley) I didn't think you ever had s*x." Angel closes the phone book: "She's not in the book." Cordy: "Who, Darla?" Angel: "DeEtta Kramer, the person she's pretending to be. Run a title deed search, see if you can find an address for a DeEtta and Stephen Kramer. I'm gonna try some other avenues." Cordy: "Okaay." Angel on his way out turns back: "Wesley, you got any money? I'll need a few bucks for the cover charge." Wesley: "Cover charge - you're going to..." Angel: "Do whatever it takes." We see Angel at the Karaoke bar singing "Everybody have fun tonight - everybody Wang Chung-fun tonight, everybody Wang Chung tonight, everybody have fun tonight, everybody..." A demon, sitting in the audience looks at the blonde beside him and shakes his head. The host, carrying a drink, slowly walks over to a table and sits down - never taking his eyes off Angel. Angel abruptly hits the off button. Angel into mike: "I'm very sorry." He steps from the stage and makes a beeline to where the Host is sitting. Angel: "Tell me about Darla." Host: "Woah. Give me a sec. You are sending out some family-sized vibes. My fillings are still humming. (Holds his glass up, still never taking his eyes off Angel) Hey, Rico! Top off my sea-breeze, earn my everlasting devotion, huh? - I saw lots of things. You are at a crucial junction, big guy." Angel: "So talk." Host: "So, no." Angel: "What do you mean 'no.' You won't tell me anything?" Host: "I tell you you're headed into trouble with a capital 'troub.' Let her go, bro. That way lies badness." Angel: "What do you care? You got murderous demons in here. You give them free advice, but you won't help me." Host: "Hey, I set people on their paths, okay? And this is way off your path, sweetie. Go home." Angel leaning in closer: "Tell me where Darla is." Host: "I *know* you're not gonna start anything in here. You're a good boy. (Gets up) Have a drink before you go. It's on me." The telephone rings at the Hyperion and Cordy goes to answer it. Cordy: " Angel Investigations, we solve big problems for small prices." Angel: "It's me. Did you get an address?" Cordy to Wes: "It's him. (into phone) Angel, Wesley and I think you really need to..." Angel: "Cordelia, address, now." Cordy: "DeEtta and Stephen Kramer own a home at fourteen oh nine Galloway in Studio City." Angel: "Got it." He hangs up the phone and sees a horned demon sitting at the bar looking at him. Angel: "What are you looking at?" Demon quickly turns back to his drink. Cordy: "He hung up." Wesley opening a drawer: "You *really* stood up to him. (mimics Cordy) "Next time I talk to him, I won't weenie out like you, Wesley." Cordy: "Don't start with me - and if sound like that, shoot me." Wesley removes a large pistol from the drawer. Cordy: "She joked!" Wesley: "It's not for you. It's a tranquilizer gun." Cordy: "You mean if Angel really does go off his rocker like he's done before? - You think that'll do it?" Wesley: "I better call Gunn." Cordy pushes the phone over towards him and he picks up the receiver. Night. We see a nice little suburban home. Angel walks closer to it looking at its lit windows. Sees Darla come in and give Stephen a kiss, then they both walk into the next room. Inside the dinning room Stephen holds Darla's chair for her. Darla: " Thank you." Stephen: "Of course, sweetheart. (smiles, sits) Was that too much? I mean we're supposed to be married, would I still be holding your chair for you if we were married?" Darla: "That was fine. Now just eat." Angel walks around to where he can watch them having dinner through another window. Stephen: "When I was at the actor's studio we always struggled to find truth in the moment. -Truthfully I don't think I'd be holding your chair -- mmm, this linguini smells so, you know, true. (The camera pans to show a security guard, hidden (from the windows) in the shadows, earwig his ear.) I'm just gonna mime eating it, gotta watch the figure. (Glances around) So is he, you know, watching us right now?" Darla: "Just nod and smile pleasantly, Stephen." Stephen: "What'd this guy do to you anyway? You're going to an awful lot of trouble to teach him a lesson - not that I mind, work is work, last year I was this puppet theatre of the absurd believe me..." Darla's hand slips out of sight beneath the table cloth in the general region of his crotch. Stephen: "Ow-oh!" Darla: "If you don't shut up I'm going to kill you." Stephen: "Okay." Darla: "Okay." Stephen: "Okay." Darla brushes her hair back and we see that she has an earwig in her ear as well. Darla: "Lindsey, can you hear me?" Lindsey in his office turns the volume up on his speakerphone. Lindsey: "I can hear you. How's the linguini?" Darla: "He's here. I can feel him." Angel watches the tableau - Darla's still looking the happy housewife. Lindsey: "We know. - I need a few more minutes to set things in motion." Darla: "Hurry up." Stephen: "Who're you talking to? (she looks at him) I'm shutting up." In the hotel lobby Gunn stares at tranquilizer gun and chains. Wesley: "This is all just precautionary. When push comes to shove, Angel's our - we trust him." Gunn picks up the pistol: "I see." Cordy: "It's not like he turns evil every time he gets this cranky." Gunn: "He turns evil?" Wesley: "Well, there are forces that can make Angel revert to Angelus, the vampire he was before he got a soul." Gunn: "And as evil, blood-suck vampires go, how would you rate Angelus?" Wesley: "Historically as bad as they come. Especially when he was with his sire, Darla." Cordy: "We're researching her now to see if maybe she has some kind of resurrection powers. Maybe she was a vampire cat with nine lives or something." Gunn: "So he and Darla together, bad combo." Wesley: "They rampaged through half the known world - until Angel got his soul." Cordy: "Imagine Bonnie and Clyde if they'd had a hundred and fifty years to get it right." Gunn: "So he thinks his party girl is back. - If he gets up to his old tricks, how bad can it get?" The camera pans form the a colored glass window with picture of a saint past some candles sitting in wall sconces to Angelus sitting on the edge of a table staring at something. Darla enters the room behind him. Angelus without turning: "Hello love." Darla wraps her arms around his shoulders: "We made quite a mess out there. Blood and habits everywhere." Angelus: "Convents - they're just a great big cookie jar." They kiss. Dru: "Black sky. It wants a little wormy me." Angelus and Darla break apart and look over at a sobbing Dru. Dru: "No. No. Make it stop!" Darla: "What is she doing here? I thought you killed her." Angelus: "No. Just her family." He pushes Darla down on the floor and rolls on top of her. Dru scooting back towards the wall: "Eyes like arrows - like-like needles." Angelus looks over at her: "This one's special. I have big plans for her." He leans down to kiss Darla. Dru watching them: "Snake in the woodshed. Snake in the woodshed. Snake in the woodshed! Snake in the woodshed!" Darla rolls them over so she's now on top. Darla: "So are we going to kill her during, or after?" Angelus sits up, startling her: "Neither. We turn her into one of us. - Killing is so merciful at the end, isn't it? The pain has ended." Darla: "But to make her one of us? She's a lunatic." Angelus: "Eternal torment. (Grabs a hold of Darla's arms and rolls them so he is back on top with her under him on the floor) Am I learning?" Angelus starts to kiss Darla while Dru first laughs then cries. Angel watches as Darla and Stephen carry dinner dishes out of his line of view. Darla passes the security guard standing hidden from the dining room in the kitchen and drops her plate in the trash. Darla: "Lindsey, I'm waiting." Lindsey: "You're on. Have fun." Darla picks up a phone, dials 911. Operator: "This is 911, what is your emergency?" Darla: "My name is DeEtta Kramer, I at fourteen oh nine Galloway - there's a man outside. I told to go away - oh my god, he's breaking in, he's going to kill us - Help me! HELP ME!" Stephen: "Whoah, whoah, whoah, what was that? I didn't sign up for..." Darla ignores him, turns to her guard. Darla: "Do it. And make it look real." Stephen: "That was illegal." Darla's guard morphs into a vamp. Stephen stumbles back with a scream. The guard back hands Darla - hard. Angel hears dishes crashing, Stephen screaming, sounds of a terrible assault and Darla's voice yelling: "Help me! Somebody help me! Let him go - please - OH GOD!" The front door of the house bursts open, Angel comes flying in. Darla is huddled over Stephen, crying, a big bruise on her cheek. Darla: "Somebody help me!" She sees Angel and scrambles back against the wall. Darla: "Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me!" Angel looks at Stephen with blood on his throat, very dead. Lindsey listens to Darla on his speaker phone: "Why did you... he was my husband...!" Lindsey: "Woman should have her own series." Angel stares at Darla and Stephen's body as we hear sirens outside. Darla: "No, please don't hurt me!" Two cops run in with their guns drawn aiming them at Angel. Darla throws herself back on top of Stephen, sobbing: "What did you do - WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Darla is still sobbing. Cop to Angel: "Turn and face the wall, (Angel turns around his, hands up where they can see them) drop to your knees. Do it!" Angel to Darla: "You'll pay for this." Suddenly Angel takes off. Both cops fire. He takes a couple of hits, jumps straight up and through an attic access door in the ceiling. Cop: "He's in the attic - stay with him." More cops come in. Darla is still wailing over Stephen's body. Cop to the newcomers: "Seal the house, I want SWAT, NOW!" Officer: "Got it!" Cop: "He's on the roof!" Suddenly a dark shape falls past a side window. Cop: "There he is!" The run outside in pursuit and Darla looks up with a slight smile on her face. [SCENE_BREAK] Kate walks beside Darla outside of the house. We can hear sirens going Darla: "I don't understand. They shot him... how'd he get away?" Kate: "Adrenaline. They chased him for sixteen blocks. - Don't worry, he's long gone, he can't hurt you now. - One of my officers told me you recognized this man, that his name was Angel..." Darla: "That-that's what he called himself. He-he started following me a few weeks ago. He-he said he helped the helpless. I told him I didn't need any help. He-he kept calling me - Darla. - He-he said he knew me - or this Darla - from a long time ago. Today we were having lunch at the Franklin Hotel and he showed up again. He came here. I told him to j-just stay out - that I was calling the police, but he j-just broke in! And - this is gonna sound crazy, but there is something wrong with his face. And he-he-he was - was biting..." Kate: "It is not crazy. And I want you to know: I will find him and he will pay for what he did." Darla looks at Kate through tearful eyes. Darla: "Thank you, Detective." Kate takes a few steps to the cops nearby. Kate: "I want you to get in touch with Security at the Franklin Hotel (In the foreground a hand swoops down from above, clamps over Darla's mouth. An arm wraps around her waist and she is lifted straight up into the tree above) see if they have any tape on the incident with Mrs. Kramer there today. And I want you to make sure that the coroner treads lightly in there. I want this scene preserved." Gunn is pacing while Cordy and Wesley are researching. Cordy to Gunn: "You alright?" Gunn: "Yeah. I'm just adjusting to the idea that this good guy vampire I work for can go bad.'" Wesley: "It takes a little time. We've all been through it." Cordy: "99% of the time he's good. And he's done a lot for us." Gunn: "There's nothing I respect more than loyalty." Wesley: "That's good to hear." Gunn: "But if the bad Angel walks through that door I will kill him in two seconds flat." Just then the door bursts open. Gunn pulls out a stake, but it is a swat team and Kate, and Gunn sticks his stake into his back pocket. Kate: "Where is he?" Cordy: "He's not here." Kate to cops: "Basement, attic, every room. He's extremely dangerous, bullets won't necessarily do the trick. Everyone's on channel two, you see him, you call me." Several cops run up both sides of the stairs. A couple head into the garden, a couple head for the cellar stairs. Wesley: "I don't suppose you have a warrant to go along with this little search?" Kate: "Seeing as how he just murdered Stephen Kramer - and kidnapped his wife, I think I've got probable cause." Cordy: "He wouldn't... Angel could never do a thing like..." Wesley: "He's not the type of person who'd..." Kate: "In fact he's not a person at all, is he? - You guys want to help yourselves out here - or go down with the boss?" Cordy and Wesley's only reaction is to fold their arms up in front of them. Kate: "So be it. (Looks at Gunn) New player?" Cordy: "He's a friend." Kate: "What's your friend's name?" Gunn: "Charles Gunn." Kate: "Let's see some I.D., Charles." He hands her his drivers' license. Kate: "Got any priors?" Gunn: "I forget." Kate holds the license up: "Montgomery, run the sheet." Wesley: "Listen, whatever you think Angel did, I'm sure there's a..." Kate: "Who's Darla?" Angel manhandles Darla down the long stairwell and a good ways into the giant empty water tank. Angel: " So you're what Wolfram and Hart brought back in that box. And they brought you back as a human - they think I won't kill one. - You want to know what I think? - I think - they don't know me that well." Darla tries to make a run for it, but Angel cuts her off and she stops. Angel: "You feel what this place was before they excavated it? The convent - you remember how much I like convents." She looks at him, makes the sign of the cross. Angel laughs: " Come on Darla, you and I are too old to play games. - I need to talk to the real you." He morphs into vamp face and charges her, pushes her up against a pillar. Angel: "It's been a long time since I said this to anyone (He rips her jacket off her shoulder and bares her neck) but you can scream all you want." Angel lowers his mouth to her bared shoulder and scrapes his teeth up along her neck, scratching it. As he begins to nuzzle her neck Darla begins to smile. Darla breathing hard: "Oh. Oh - I'm not gonna scream." She turns her face against his neck. He pulls back and kisses her and she responds. After a moment they break apart and Darla smiles at him. Darla: "There's my boy." She puts a hand around his neck and they kiss again, harder. In the hotel lobby Wesley sits with a book while Kate comes in with Gunn's rap sheet. Kate: "Hey, looky here. Disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, G.T.A. assault - (looks at him) you've lead a rich full life, haven't you Charles?" Gunn: "I get around." Cordy: "Hey, I know this guy, he helps people. I bet this stuff you're dredging up all happened a long time ago, didn't it." Kate: "Some of it when he was a minor." Cordy: "Uh-huh." Kate: "And some of it in the last two weeks." Cordy: "Oh." Kate: "Word to the wise, Charles, hanging out with these two and their creature-of-the-night boss won't be good for the resume." Gunn: "I can see you're looking out for me, detective." Cordy: "Okay, okay, lets not get off track here. We want to find Angel as much as you do." Kate: "No you don't. You want to protect him even though he's lost it: he stalked that woman because he thought she was this Darla from his past; she begged him to stay out and he knocked down the door and killed her husband. I've read about him, too, I know he is and I know he hasn't changed." Gunn: "No he hasn't, he's still a vampire." Cordy: "Gunn - not helping." Gunn: "So, how'd he get in the house? She invite him in?" Kate: "Of course she didn't invite..." Cordy: "The only way Angel could get in that house uninvited is if the real owners were dead. It's what he was saying all along; she isn't DeEtta Kramer!" Kate: "You're grasping at straws." Wesley: "Are we? (He shows his book to Kate) This is a daguerreotype of Darla, taken over a hundred years ago. That woman who said she was DeEtta Kramer - look familiar?" The picture is Darla, wearing period clothing. Back to Darla and Angel, still in vamp, face kissing. After a moment, Angel pulls her off. Angel: "That's enough." He walks away and she follows him. Darla: "I pretty familiar with the international sign for enough, and you've got a ways to go!" She pushes him up against a pillar, nuzzling close. Angel grabs a hold of her arm and holds her away from him. Darla: "You're hurting me. - I like it." Angel flings her away, takes a deep breath and morphs back into his human face. He pushes off the pillar and confronts her. Angel: "What's the play, Darla? - What kind of game are you running?" Darla: "Just having a little fun. I've been out of commission to long. You know how that feels." Angel: "Wolfram and Hart didn't bring you back for fun. The Dreams, the frame job - what's the big plan, huh? Get me so screwed up I go bad again?" Darla: "Kind of trite, I know. What do you expect? They're only human." Angel smiles at her: "You better embrace that mediocrity, honey. You're talking about your own kind now." Darla walks towards him with a smile: "But I'm still me. (Presses herself up against him) And I remember everything, Angel. Everything we did. Everything we can do." Angel smiles at her and runs a hand though her hair: "Yeah. But the bitch is (gets serious and pushes her away with one finger) you have a soul now. (Darla backs up a few steps, smile gone) Pretty soon those memories are gonna start eating away at you. (Angel walks past her) No matter how hard you try - you won't be able to escape the truth of what you were. Believe me, I know." Darla walks up to him and wraps herself around him. Darla: "But you can escape. You can escape it all. Remember what it was like to get lost, huh? Every thought a million miles away, every part of you being alive! All you have to do is let me give you one little moment of happiness." Angel: "You took me places, showed me things, huh? You blew the top off my head. But you never made me happy." Darla backs away from him: "But that - that cheerleader did? We were together 150 years! We shared everything. You're saying - never?" Angel: "You couldn't understand." Darla: "I understand alright. (Walks away from him) Guy gets taste of something fresh and he thinks he's touching god." Angel: "It wasn't about..." Darla: "Oh, you bet your ass it was! There was a time, in the early years, when you would have said I was the definition of bliss! - Buffy wasn't happiness. - She was just new!" Angel starts to laugh: "You know - you are getting awfully bent over this, Darla. (Slowly walks towards her) I couldn't feel that with you, because I didn't have a soul. - But then I got a second chance - just like you have." Darla: "What a poster child for soulfulness you are. (Walks up and presses herself against him) This is no life Angel! Before you got neutered you weren't just any vampire, you were a legend! Nobody could keep up with you - not even me. You don't learn that kind of darkness. It's innate. It was in you before we ever met. - You said you can smell me? Well, I can smell you, too. My boy is still in there and he wants out!" Angel stands immobile, not looking at her. At the Hyperion hotel the cops come down the stairs into the lobby. Cop to Kate: "He's nowhere to be found." Kate: " Leave some officers on the perimeter in case he shows. (The cops file out. To Cordy and co.) I'll be sure and mention your cooperation in the report." Cordy: "Hey, we did more than cooperate, we solved the damn case. Find out who did away with the owners of that house, you'll find your killer." Kate: "You don't get it, do you?" Gunn: "What, the fact that Angel's innocent?" Kate: "The fact that while you're fighting your big battles of good and evil the innocent are the ones who get caught in the crossfire. Those are the ones I care about, like that man tonight, like the real owners of that house if what you say is true. And those are the ones I chalk up to your boss." Wesley: "You can't blame Angel for - he's trying to do what's right!" Kate: "That's right, he's good, I keep forgetting. I'm sorry, and why'd he kidnap that woman again?" No one says anything and Kate leaves. Angel's car, top down is parked in front of the little building housing the head of the stairs down into the water tank. The sun is shining. Inside the sun is shining down through the open door onto the stairs leading down. Angel and Darla are standing in the shadows between the pillars, facing in different directions. Both look close to exhausted. Angel: "You're gonna feel it, you know. - What you did - that man you got killed." Darla: "Please! He was an actor." Angel walks closer to her: "I'm serious." Darla: "Yeah, like a heart attack (turns to look at him) and just about as much fun." Angel: "Darla, you hurt anyone else and I'll kill you." Darla: "Will you? Isn't that against your cub-scout code?" Angel: "I'll make and exception." Darla steps close to him with a smile: "You're gonna miss those dreams, honey. You should have heard those things you said in your sleep. Nasty things, Angel. Things like..." Angel's hand shoots out and he grabs her by the throat: "Stop!" Darla pulls out a cross and presses it against his chest: "No, you stop!" We can hear the cross burn into Angel's chest, but he refuses to budge. Darla: "See? No matter how good a boy you are - God doesn't want you!" Angel lets go of her and throws himself back away form her cross. They look at each other breathing hard. Darla: "But I still do." After a moment she drops the cross and hurries into the sun and up the stairs. Angel makes no move to stop her. Darla turns around on the stairs: "What? No good-by kiss?" Slowly climbs up the remaining steps, safe in the sunlight. Angel watches her leave. Night, the Hyperion hotel. Angel is sitting in a chair in his dimly lit room, staring straight ahead. There is a knock on the door. Angel looks towards the door. Cordy's voice: "It's us." After a beat, Angel gets up and opens the door. Cordy, hands hidden behind her back, and Wes, hands buried in his pockets are standing there. Cordy: "We didn't see you all day, we were just wondering if everything was, you know, copacetic." Angel: "I didn't go bad, Cordelia." Cordy: "I was never worried about that, boss. (She pushes something into Wesley's hands) Of course Mr. Fussy Pants here always imagines the worst." Wesley lifts up his hand revealing the tranquilizer pistol: "What? I didn't... I never..." Angel: "Is there anything else?" Cordy: "Nope. Can't think of a thing." Angel is about to close the door when Wesley speaks up: "Angel - be careful." Angel: "What do you mean?" Wesley: "Well, it's just -with Darla back, in league with Wolfram and Hart there are a lot of forces arrayed against you. - There's going to be trouble." Angel laughs: "Yeah. There's gonna be a lot of trouble - and I say bring it on."

After spotting Darla walking around LA, Angel becomes convinced that his sire is alive. Wes and Cordy think that he's imagining things, but Angel is determined to find Darla and discover what she's up to. Little does he know that Darla is working with Wolfram and Hart. Angel tracks her down, and quickly falls into their trap.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x26

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x26_0

GLYN JONES 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The travellers, motionless figures, are illuminated by the still bright column ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. XEROS (The planet is dry and arid. In front of some hills stand several space rockets of differing shape and design. Next to them is a squat, two-tiered building with geometrically shaped patterns on the outside and an elaborate radar device on the roof. There is one large entrance to the building. With a roar of its engines, the TARDIS materialises nearby.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Inside the ship, the four travellers are still immobile, but one strange change has occurred. Instead of their clothes from the time of the crusades, they are now attired in their normal wear. They slowly come to and start to move, VICKI half-falling over the console. The DOCTOR passes a hand over his brow.) DOCTOR: Ah! Ahh! Oh, lights! (He activates a switch and the room is bathed in its normal bright light. IAN and BARBARA are the first to notice that their clothes have changed.) DOCTOR: Mmm. Oh, that's better. Ah, good! Well now, we seem to have materialised much quicker than I thought. (He laughs.) IAN: Doctor, we've got our clothes on! DOCTOR: Well, I should hope so, dear boy. I should hope so! BARBARA: No Doctor, our ordinary, everyday clothes. (He looks at his "normal" Edwardian attire.) DOCTOR: Well, upon my soul, yes! Yes! Now isn't that extraordinary? Ha ha! Yes, we were wearing those, er, cloaks and things, weren't we? Well, I must say, it's going to save us a lot of bother changing! Ye-es! Now, lets see where we are, shall we? (Neither IAN nor BARBARA are satisfied with the DOCTOR'S attitude.) IAN: Doctor! You can't dismiss it like that! We were standing here in thirteenth century clothes. We can't suddenly... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) My dear boy, it's over and done with. Now lets forget it! See where we are, come along, pay attention. VICKI: But Doctor, where are the clothes we were wearing? DOCTOR: I expect child, they're hanging up where they're...s...supposed to be. I, er, if you're that much concerned, go and have a look! VICKI: All right. I will. DOCTOR: And on your way back, bring me glass of water please, I'm very parched. VICKI: OK (She walks out to the living area.) DOCTOR: Oh, dear, dear, dear. Now where were we? All this fussation about a change of clothes. You know, its so simple: it's time and relativity, my dear boy! Time and relativity! That's where the answer lies! IAN: (Keeping his temper.) I dare say it does Doctor, but we'd be a lot happier if you would explain it to us. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I know. Well, at the moment there isn't, er, time. Now, just pay attention, will you? (Looking up at the scanner.) What's this? VICKI: (OOV: From the living area.) Doctor! Our crusading clothes are here. DOCTOR: Good, good! (To IAN and BARBARA.) There you are, you see? Ye-he-he-es! You see? (Their faces show that neither of them do see...) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. TARDIS. LIVING AREA (VICKI finishes checking in the cupboard which contains their crusader clothes. She walks through a door and up to the food machine. She presses the button marked "water." The machine beeps and she takes a glass of water from out of the machine. Suddenly, she drops the glass which smashes on the floor. Before she can react, the broken pieces of glass rise from the floor, reassemble in mid-air and the water enters the re-formed glass before it rises into the startled girls hand. She stares at the glass in shock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: Well, the scanners functioning. Looks like desert to me, hmm? BARBARA: Oh look! Spaceships! (On the scanner, the multitude of spacecraft appears.) BARBARA: Well, it's so quiet, it could be a graveyard. IAN: Well, more like a launching pad to me. DOCTOR: Mmm...Hmm! IAN: Maybe it's a dumping ground. DOCTOR: No, I don't think so, my boy, no. No, er, all those things up there come from a different period. BARBARA: Well there isn't any sign of life. DOCTOR: Mmm... BARBARA: Look! There's a building. What do you make of that, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid I can't give you any answers here, my dear. IAN: You mean you want to go and have a closer look, eh? DOCTOR: Yes, I don't see why not? IAN: Mmm.. DOCTOR: After all, the readings say it's quite safe. Mmm. BARBARA: Safe? Huh, well the readings don't always tell us everything, you know! (The DOCTOR laughs. VICKI walks back in with the glass of water. The DOCTOR takes it and drinks.) DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, my dear. Thank you, hmm. (He turns to VICKI with a smile.) DOCTOR: So you dropped a glass, did you? Mmm? VICKI: (Still shocked.) Yes, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well don't look so concerned, child. It's quite easily replaced, hmm? VICKI: Doctor, it doesn't have to be. It all...came together again and...jumped up into my hand! (The DOCTOR looks at her but doesn't react.) VICKI: Well, if you don't believe me, you can go and look. There hasn't been time to clear it up yet. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, yes, yes, we believe you child, yes. We believe you! (The DOCTOR'S tone implies otherwise. VICKI turns to IAN and BARBARA.) VICKI: Honestly, that's exactly what happened! BARBARA: You dropped a glass, and...it came together again in your hands? VICKI: With the water in it! (The DOCTOR, still looking at the scanner, laughs.) DOCTOR: Well, look! Look! You see where we've landed? On a museum. Mmm? IAN: A museum? DOCTOR: Mmm? BARBARA: A space museum, yes! DOCTOR: Precisely. If you take a closer look at those objects, you'll see that some of them are more advanced in design. It's quite a natural progression. IAN: Oh, well, someone must be in charge of them. DOCTOR: Yes, we shall find that out. (Holding up the glass.) And I'm sure you will agree with me, there are several things we would like an answer to. So I suggest we go outside and...take a look for ourselves. Hmm? (He opens the doors. IAN, looking troubled, leads the others out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. XEROS (Outside the TARDIS, they look round their uninspiring surroundings.) IAN: Dust everywhere. (The DOCTOR exits the TARDIS.) IAN: Well, maybe you were right about the graveyard. DOCTOR: Hmm! (He turns back and locks the door of the TARDIS.) VICKI: Hey Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? VICKI: Come here and have a look at this. (VICKI points down at some small rocks.) DOCTOR: Well, isn't that extraordinary? I've never seen erosion in such an advanced stage. Hmm! The whole planet appears to be completely dead. IAN: Dead? DOCTOR: Non-existent, extinct. IAN: Oh? I've always associated extinction with extreme cold. You know, something like the...dark side of the moon. DOCTOR: Mmm. IAN: (To BARBARA.) Haven't you? BARBARA: Yes. DOCTOR: Well, I must say, the atmosphere's quite pleasant. Mmm? IAN: Yeah. BARBARA: Well, maybe it'll get colder as it gets dark. DOCTOR: Yes, I think we shall just have to go in search for the answers and...as there's always the element of danger in the unknown, I suggest we keep closer together. Is that clear? Hmm? IAN: Yes. DOCTOR: Vicki? VICKI: (Suddenly paying attention.) Oh, er, yes, Doctor! DOCTOR: Good, good, now I'll...I'll take the lead and...lets try and find those buildings we saw on the scanner. (The DOCTOR starts to walk away. IAN glances down at their feet and pulls him back.) IAN: Doctor! DOCTOR: Oh, what is it now, dear boy? Hmm? IAN: We're walking on dust. Several inches thick, I'd say. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, so it appears, hmm. IAN: Then why aren't we leaving any footprints? (Indeed, the ground seems untouched. The DOCTOR looks troubled.) DOCTOR: Yes, that's curious, isn't it? Yeah...very curious, hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. MUSEUM ENTRANCE (IAN and BARBARA are the first of the travellers who reach the main double doors of the museum.) BARBARA: What an extraordinary building! IAN: Yes. This looks like the only door. BARBARA: Ahh, no windows either. (The DOCTOR and VICKI join them.) DOCTOR: Well, we certainly haven't met anyone yet, hmm? VICKI: Maybe there isn't anybody. DOCTOR: How are we going to get in there? hmm? IAN: Well, I don't know. There doesn't seem to be any way of opening the door. BARBARA: Have you noticed something? I mean something very peculiar... IAN: Well, everything's peculiar. DOCTOR: My dear Barbara, if you've seen something or somebody, there's no sense in talking in riddles, is there? BARBARA: No Doctor, not seen. Its the silence. When we stop talking, there isn't a sound - listen. (They do stop talking and, as BARBARA says, no sound can be heard.) BARBARA: It's the sort of...silence you can almost hear. IAN: Mmm. More and more like a graveyard. DOCTOR: Oh, that's quite enough. Now stop it. You'll have us all imagining things. There must be an explanation of this little... (The double doors part open revealing a long bright passage along which two beings can be seen approaching the entrance at a steady pace.) IAN: There's someone coming! DOCTOR: Hide quickly! VICKI: Where? DOCTOR: Up against the wall. Quick! (The four travellers rush to stand up against the wall next to the doors. The two beings can be seen to be powerfully built males, dressed in white uniforms with identical hair which reaches down in a point on the forehead. They carry on at their slow, deliberate pace towards the doors. The dust of the planet starts to affect VICKI and she builds up to a sneeze that BARBARA stops. As the two beings move out of the museum, VICKI lets out a loud sneeze. To the travellers amazement, the two beings do not react but carry on walking away.) VICKI: I'm sorry! It just came out. BARBARA: It's all right, Vicki. They didn't hear it. IAN: They were only a few feet away! BARBARA: I know! DOCTOR: It's extremely doubtful that they were both deaf! However, the fact is, they didn't hear. Now, let's see what's in here. (They enter through the open doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. MUSEUM. ENTRANCE PASSAGE (The walls of the museum are all the same bland light tone, interrupted by the odd sliding door. Small scattered display cases contain pieces of machinery and other exhibits.) BARBARA: Well, there aren't any windows. DOCTOR: No, I think there's probably something in the atmosphere that, er, has a very slow destructive property, er, hence the lack of windows, Mmm? BARBARA: Yes, but I don't understand where the light comes from? DOCTOR: Oh, I think that might just be some floreps...fl, florescent substance in the, er, walls. Yes, well, I think you two must admit that, er, my assumption as to where we were, has been proved correct. Mmm? IAN: Yes, we might almost be in a museum at home. VICKI: Except that there are no little men following you about telling you not touch things! DOCTOR: Well you just pretend there are, young lady and keep your hands to yourself! Hmm? BARBARA: Well, everything seems quite normal. DOCTOR: Well why not? Why shouldn't it be? It's quite natural. After all, you have objects of...historical interest on Earth, so...why not a museum in space, hmm? I always thought I'd find one someday. IAN: Those two men we saw must have been guards. Who started all this, do you think, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I suppose the answers here somewhere. That's what we've got to find out. Let's go and have a look in that other room, hmm? [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. MUSEUM. EXHIBIT ROOM (They walk into a room to the left of the entrance passage. The DOCTOR looks to their right and jumps back.) DOCTOR: Chesterton! (IAN and BARBARA react with shock.) IAN: Can't be!? (In front of them is a Dalek! Perfectly still, the creature is on display, complete with a plaque which states "DALEK - PLANET SKARO". Interested, VICKI reaches out to it.) VICKI: So that's what a Dalek looks like. DOCTOR: Er, don't touch, child. BARBARA: What do you know about them, Vicki? VICKI: Only what I've read in history books; that they invaded Earth about...three hundred years ago, was it? IAN: We were there, Vicki. That was one of the periods we visited. DOCTOR: I don't mind admitting, my boy, that that thing gave me a start! Coming face to face to it again! (They laugh.) VICKI: It's not a bit the way I imagined it. Oh, I mean, the books describe them all right but...well, this one looks quite friendly! (The DOCTOR and IAN laugh at her innocence.) BARBARA: Friendly! IAN: You wouldn't say that, young lady, if ever we meet them again. (The DOCTOR gives him a look and walks back into the entrance passage.) IAN: Which to say the least is very unlikely. I hope! (The DOCTOR rushes back in.) DOCTOR: Back - get behind the case! IAN: What? DOCTOR: Quick! Quick! Quick! Don't touch it! (The four hide behind a large machinery exhibit next to the Dalek. Two more beings enter the room, however these are much younger - hardly more than teenagers. Dressed in black, they are fair-haired and have eyebrows much higher on their forehead than usual. They cautiously check their surroundings and talk to each other, but no sound can be heard. After a minute they walk back into the entrance passage. The travellers rise from their hiding place. IAN checks round the corner.) IAN: All right. They've gone. VICKI: They were talking! DOCTOR: Undoubtedly. BARBARA: Yet we...we didn't hear a word they said! IAN: No. Perhaps they have some other means of communication. You know, on a very high frequency, or... (The others look as if they don't agree.) IAN: No? Not very good? BARBARA: What do you think, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I don't know. Chesterton might have had the answer in what he just said but, er, I doubt it, I doubt it. Come on! Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. MUSEUM. ENTRANCE PASSAGE (They walk back into the entrance passage. VICKI walks off to look at an exhibit while BARBARA joins the DOCTOR in looking over a second.) IAN: Well, they didn't seem hostile. That's something to be thankful for. BARBARA: Oh, I don't know. Even the Daleks are friendly to some. IAN: Ho ho! Vicki, yes! BARBARA: Anyway, even if they are friendly, I doubt if we'll get much conversation out of them, unless one of you can lip-read. (On the other side of the passage, VICKI casts a sly look at her companion's backs, then reaches out to touch an exhibit - instead, her hand passes straight through it!.) VICKI: (Alarmed.) Doctor! Doctor! DOCTOR: (Coming over.) Cha, cha, cha, cha, child! Don't make so much noise! What's the matter? VICKI: I...I touched that thing and... DOCTOR: I thought I told you not to touch. When are you going to learn to obey me? How you... BARBARA: All right, Doctor. You can save the scolding 'til later. Look, can't you see that Vicki's upset? DOCTOR: Upset? Upset? Whatever for? Why are you upset child? What's the matter? Hmm? VICKI: I touched that thing and my hand went right through it! (IAN tries to touch it - with no success.) VICKI: See? There isn't anything there, is there? DOCTOR: Incredible! VICKI: Well, there is something there, isn't there? I mean, we can all see it, can't we? BARBARA: Yes, of course we can, Vicki. DOCTOR: That's strange. Strange indeed. You know, there must be a logical explanation for this somewhere? You know, I think it's just a matter of putting two and two together to make three. You know there is... IAN: Look! (The two black-dressed youths stand at the end of the passage with a third of their kind, talking silently amongst themselves.) VICKI: Oh, quick, let's hide! BARBARA: Well, where can we hide? Doctor, what shall we do? DOCTOR: Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Stand exactly where we are! (The three walk - and silently talk - up the passage towards the four time travellers. One of the youths even turns round and looks over to where the travellers are stood, but again they do not react to their presence. They walk off.) IAN: What do you make of that? DOCTOR: Well, I've never known anything in my...in my life. In all my years of time travelling, I... VICKI: That one...looked straight at me. DOCTOR: Utterly unbelievable! VICKI: And he was talking. His...his lips were moving. DOCTOR: Yes, so strange. And yet we have no communication with them. Hmm! BARBARA: Well, obviously they couldn't see us. I mean, we're...we're strangers, our clothes are different. If they had seen us, they would have...made some sign, however slight. IAN: Right, we're invisible! That settles it! DOCTOR: Does it, my boy? Mmm? Does it? Either that or we're not really here. Mmm? [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MUSEUM. EXHIBIT ROOM (Later, IAN and VICKI walk wearily into another exhibit room.) IAN: Ahh! It's the biggest museum I've ever been in. We must have walked for miles. VICKI: And all the rooms are exactly the same - just cases and cabinets. I'm beginning to think the Doctor's wrong. IAN: Oh? (The DOCTOR and BARBARA follow them into the room.) VICKI: Well, how can we find the answer in here? DOCTOR: I have no idea, my child, but until I say otherwise, we continue the search. Now, let us see what's in here, hmm? BARBARA: Oh, same as all the others, I suppose. (They walk through the room and into another...) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. MUSEUM. EXHIBIT ROOM (BARBARA gasps as she enters this room and all four travellers stand amazed. In front of them is the TARDIS! The DOCTOR walks up to it.) DOCTOR: Good gracious me! Hmm! IAN: Well, how did that get in here? BARBARA: Well what does it matter? Look, now that we've found the TARDIS, come on, let's get out of here. IAN: Yes, I agree, it's a stroke of luck. Let's leave at once. VICKI: I've had enough of this place, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh! You've all decided, have you? Mmm? (The DOCTOR steps towards...and right through the ship. He stands and waves his arms into, what is for him, thin air. He steps back to his companions.) DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid it's going to be a little more difficult than that! The mists are beginning to clear slightly. I'm just beginning to see reason. Where are we? Hmm? Where are we? Hmm? BARBARA: Well, here, surely? DOCTOR: Are we? We must have arrived here in the TARDIS sometime. Are we here, hmm? Look! (He looks across the room. His companions follow his gaze. To their horror, they see four upright glass cases against the far wall and in them are the four time travellers, stood upright, expressionless and perfectly still...like statues.) BARBARA: That's us! That's not...models or pictures. That's us! DOCTOR: Yes, exhibits in a space museum. IAN: Can you explain it, Doctor? VICKI: (Stepping forward and thinking aloud.) Time...like space...although a dimension in itself...also has dimensions of its own. DOCTOR: So you know about it, child? Hmm. We must have a little chat some time, hmm? VICKI: Yes, you see, we really are in those cases, but we're also standing here...looking at ourselves...from this dimension. BARBARA: Well, it's horrible! Those faces, our faces, just staring... IAN: Well, at least it explains what's been happening to us. DOCTOR: Yes, it does, my boy. And if we're not there, we can't leave footprints, break glasses, or touch things, hmm? IAN: And nobody can see us. I see. DOCTOR: Oh yes they can, oh yes! They can see us. Where we really are - there! BARBARA: Is there...is there anyway of getting out of this, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, my dear, I suppose we got into it, er, there must be. You know, I don't mind admitting, I've always found it extremely difficult to solve the fourth dimension. And here we are - face to face with the fourth dimension. You know, I think the TARDIS jumped a time track...and ended up here - in this fourth dimension. Hmm! It's extraordinary! (He walks a few paces away and thinks.) DOCTOR: It's inexplicable. No, wait a minute, wait a minute...I think you're all going to be delighted! I'm going to come up with the answer...and it's so simple! Yes! So simple! BARBARA: How simple? DOCTOR: All we have to do is to wait here...until we arrive! BARBARA: (Puzzled.) I beg your pardon? DOCTOR: You see, my dear, before they actually put us in those glass cases, we must have arrived here sometime in the TARDIS. These people saw us and thought we were worthy people to be put in their space museum. Then... BARBARA: I see! I think... DOCTOR: But nothing has happened to us yet. What we are doing now is taking a glimpse into the future - or what might be or could be the future. All that leads up to it, is still yet to come. VICKI: Doctor, look. Why don't we go and find the TARDIS, the real one I mean and get into it and get out of here, now! DOCTOR: And end up, one day, my dear, like that? (He points to the cases.) No, we must not. We've got to stop it happening. IAN: Doctor...when will we arrive? DOCTOR: I don't know, my boy, I...can't be certain. You see, I'm...quite unable to measure the...time dimension that the TARDIS jumped. But you'll notice we're all wearing the same clothes. Hmm? So it...could be in a few moments, or...a few seconds. BARBARA: Well, how will we know when we have? Arrived, I mean. DOCTOR: The cases will disappear and we shall all become visible. IAN: And from that moment we'll be in great danger. DOCTOR: Precisely. So you see we must succeed in stopping them making exhibits of us! Otherwise, well, there it is - that's how we're all going to end up. (He points to the four sinister cases again.) BARBARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? BARBARA: Something strange is happening! I can feel it! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Within the ship, the four travellers stand motionless around the console, dressed in their crusader clothes...) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. XEROS (The TARDIS stands on the dusty soil of Xeros...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The travellers are still immobile but now they are dressed in their normal clothes...) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. TARDIS. LIVING AREA (The glass of water smashes on the floor. It does not reassemble...) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. XEROS (The two powerful beings dressed in white approach the ship. Seeing it, they try the door. One of them turns round and points to the ground. The travellers footprints appear in the dust.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. MUSEUM. EXHIBIT ROOM (The four glass cases slowly fade away. The travellers, previously immobile again, come round. BARBARA is the first to spot the change in the room...) BARBARA: (Panicked and upset.) They've gone! DOCTOR: Yes, my dear...and we've arrived!

The TARDIS jumps a time track and the travellers arrive on the planet Xeros. There they discover their own future selves displayed as exhibits in a museum established as a monument to the galactic conquests of the warlike Morok invaders who now rule the planet. When time shifts back to normal, they realise that they must do everything they can to avert this potential future. Vicki helps the native Xerons obtain arms and revolt against the Moroks. The revolution succeeds and the travellers go on their way, confident that the future has been changed.

fd_Justified_03x02

fd_Justified_03x02_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Dickie: Hello, Ava. Ava: Oh! Raylan: You're pregnant? Winona: Mm-hmm. Raylan: It's like the best news I've heard in like... winona: Ever? Raylan: That's the word I was looking for. Winona: [ Laughs ] Raylan: Maybe we should... I don't know... start looking for a house or something. Winona: Oh, you know the baby's the size of a walnut right now, don't you? Raylan: Mm-hmm. You know it's gonna get bigger too, right? Mags' bank accounts have been seized along with her property, but there's still a sizeable amount of money missing. Boyd: How sizeable, Raylan? Raylan: Well over $10. Tell you what. I'll ask around, see if I can't get a line on that money for you. Raylan: Appreciate it. Boyd: In exchange for an apology. Raylan: I'm sorry. What? Boyd: By the time I got out of Wade Messer's house, Dickie Bennett was tuning you up like it was his birthday and you were his pi ata. Raylan: You're saying you saved my life. Boyd: Are you saying I didn't? Raylan: You think I'm gonna hand a man over to you to be murdered like he's, what, some pig I borrowed from you? Boyd: You gave me your word. Raylan: I got half a mind to kick... Boyd: [ Grunts ] Dewey: What the hell's he doing here? [ Birds chirping ] [ Door opens in distance ] And this is the one I think you both will really enjoy. Several amenities, including convenient shopping and some wonderful restaurants, as well as a number of top private schools. And you'll find... Mr. Hawkins. So glad to finally meet you. Raylan: I don't see why that's so funny. Right this way. Winona: I swear to God, I didn't know they were here until I heard them downstairs. Raylan: And yet you managed to get all your clothes on. Winona: Hey, the only reason we're here is 'cause of you. Raylan: [Scoffs] I guess. Winona: You guess? No. No guess. That's why we're here. Raylan: Well, least I don't have to worry about you taking up with the realtor. Winona: Why's that? Raylan: 'Cause she's too old for you. Winona: That guy was cute, though. Raylan: I think he's married. Winona: So was I. Too short for me, though. I need someone tall and strapping, like a... like, um... Raylan: Hmm. Like a... Winona: Like a fireman. Raylan: Like a... lion tamer. Winona: Mmm. Outdoorsy. Good with animals. Raylan: Mm. Winona: Can find alternative uses for household furniture. Raylan: Oh. Winona: No, as far as realtors go, I'm done. Person spends enough time lying for a living, gets to the point where you realize the only thing he doesn't mean is what he's actually saying. Raylan: I'm sorry. Say that again? Crowder! You got a visitor. Let's go! Boyd: [ Sighs ] Well, hello, Raylan. There you are. Hello, Raylan. This is a surprise. Raylan: Did you know my mama's Uncle Everett? Owned that squat, irritable boar. Charge you 12 bucks to breed your sow with it. Boyd: That sounds vaguely familiar. Raylan: He thought he was gonna be a prize fighter till Tommy hearns detached both his retinas. Boyd: You don't say. Raylan: He once told me that he wouldn't have relations in the three weeks prior to any fight. Boyd: To keep his legs fresh? Raylan: Because of his head. He said women were put here on earth to turn men's head to mush. Boyd: Raylan, what are we talking about? Raylan: What do you make of a man who divorces a woman, then gets her pregnant , then wonders if maybe they should move in together? Boyd: Well, now, Raylan, you're talking to a man who's sleeping with his dead brother's widow and murderess, so if you're looking for someone to cast stones at you on this matter, I ink you've picked the wrong sinner. Raylan: I have not been myself, Boyd. I couldn't see that you weren't assaulting a federal officer. You were just having a dust-up with an old buddy. And, hey, it takes two to make an accident. I know that. So, I talked to AUSA. I told them I want to amend my statement. And hopefully we'll have you out of here by the end of the day. Boyd: I'm sorry... Raylan: It might not be till tomorrow morning 'cause the warden likes to do his releases after wake-up. But I just hope you'll understand. Boyd: Uh, Raylan... [ Buzzer ] I'm done. Lot of action down here lately, if you believe what you read in the papers. Art: Nah, it's mostly local stuff, you know, up in the hills. I don't think it'd bother your people too much. Boy, I got one boy, though, keeps finding himself in the middle of it. Finding himself or putting himself? Art: [ Chuckles ] Yeah, I think he might be my penance for all the sh1t I put my first chief through. [ Chuckles ] Probably. First few years I had my star, I kept waiting for my chance to walk in the saloon through the swinging doors, hear my spurs scrape on that wood floor. Art: Piano player stops playing. Everybody's head turns and looks at you. Who is that tall stranger with the badge? You know, I used to wonder how I'd match up with those old-timers. You know, Wyatt Earp, Bat Masterson, Bass Reeves. Art: Oh, one of my all-time favorites. And good luck trying to find a movie about him. Somebody needs to tell Denzel that story. [ Laughs ] Art: Well, I got to get back to work. Yep. I can take a hint. I got rounds to make. Art: Good to see you. Good to see you. Art: You stop by next time you're through. I'll do it. Who else is gonna keep me apprised of the local mischief? Art: That's right. [ Footsteps approach ] Boyd: Dewey, you stand away from me. Dewey: Boyd, listen. Boyd: Dewey. I know Dickie Bennett's your new road dog, but this business ain't got nothing to do with you. Now, when I spot him, I'm gonna go for him. You best not be in between. Dewey: That's what I'm trying to tell you. He's not here. A couple screws just came, took him to isolation. I guess they must have been tossing cells while we were at rec time and found some contraband under his mattress. I wonder how many days he'll get. What? Boyd: Raylan. Dewey: Raylan Givens? What's he got to do... Boyd: Any chance you been here long enough to know which one of these hacks is approachable? The kind of guy that will smuggle in a cellphone for you for the right price? Dewey: What do you need a phone for? Boyd: I don't. "The wind tickled Calliope's whiskers." You skipped a part. Well, how do you know? You can't even read. Did you skip a part or not? Well, you seem to think so. I know so. Baby's down. Finally. Your turn, June bug. Mommy, I don't need to take a nap. Naps are for babies. Naps are for mommy so she doesn't lose her mind. Now say goodbye to Uncle Bill. He's gonna be gone before you get up. Bye-bye. [ Laughs ] All right. Come on. Thank you, ma'am. No contact with your family? 'Course not. Not even a quick call to your mama on her birthday? Not even. Nobody from your old life? I am following the guidelines. What about June? Is she following the guidelines, too? [ Chuckles ] Probably not. Good news is she tells her teacher one day that she used to live in new Mexico, and the next day, she used to be the princess of fairyland. [ Laughs ] Can't imagine anybody takes her word as gospel. Gets easier. Once you testify, that's not hanging over you. This will always be hanging over me. You think Carlos Salazar is one to forgive and forget? The entire 40-year history of the Witsec program, however many thousand witnesses, we never lost a one who followed the guidelines. [ Sighs ] [ Doorknob rattles ] [ Engine turns over ] [ Gear shift clicks ] [ Birds squawking ] [ Gasps ] [ Chuckling ] Jesus, Bill, you scared the hell out of me. You better have one hell of a story to tell me. I do. I do. You ain't gonna believe this. I got to show you something. Aah! Stay there! Stay there! Get your hands off it, Bill. I'll shoot you in the head. Get your hands off it! Aah! Where's your piece? Get your friggin' leg down. Get out of here! Sorry, Bill, but you know how it is. [ Groans ] On this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul God get at your boy you try to bogard fall back, I go hard on this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come [ Dog barks ] [ Knock on door ] Rachel: Deputy Brooks. My office called to tell you to expect me. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh... Rachel: Hug me. Huh? Rachel: In case anyone's watching. I'm your college roommate, and I'm visiting from Dallas. Let's go. Oy. Raylan: I think we might be in trouble. Winona: I feel like I still have some of that jelly on my stomach. Raylan: No, I mean, just from this angle... Winona: Wish somebody would get me a wet wipe. Raylan: It bears a striking resemblance to the creature from "alien." Winona: It's 6 weeks old, Raylan. Raylan: All right. Don't come running to me when it busts out your ribcage. Winona: I'm so glad you're having fun with all this. Raylan: Mostly I'm just scared. Winona: That's just what every little girl dreams prince charming will say. I'm scared, too, fyi. Raylan: Do you remember the other day, I said something about me and you starting to look for a house? Winona: Mm-hmm. Raylan: Think we should start looking for a house? Winona: That what you want? Raylan: Why wouldn't I? I mean, have you given it any thought, what you want to do after your place sells? [ Cellphone beeps ] Winona: Some. [ Cellphone beeps ] Raylan: sh1t. Winona: What? Raylan: Oh, well, I forgot to turn my phone back on. [ Sighs ] Winona: 17 missed calls. That's bad. Raylan: I gotta go. [ Elevator bell dings ] How come your phone's off? Raylan: I, uh... deputy Givens, assistant director Goodall. Hello, Raylan. Raylan: Goodall? And here I thought you'd be more surprised by the "assistant director." Raylan: Uh, what are you doing here? Art: Marshal Bill Nichols. His car was found parked outside the diner at castlewood. Body was dumped near a pasture at khartoum farms probably sometime around midnight. Said the stink was spooking the horses. Body was mostly bled out. Two shots... leg and head. Leg shot was sufficiently clotted that the M.E. Says that it was probably made several hours before the kill shot. I don't like where that leads. No. Me, neither. Till we know different, we have to assume he was tortured into giving up the location of one of his people. Raylan: How many people did he have? Three in the eastern district. Art: Uh, Mary Archer, Darrell Simmonds, and, uh, Terry Powe, but he was responsible for all the Witsec clients in the state and Ohio, too. Raylan: We moving them? Art: No, we're just sitting on them right now. Rachel's with Mary and her two kids in Castlewood. Tim's down in Versailles with Simmonds, and Powe's with the LPD until I can get there. Raylan: And you're just gonna keep me here when we're "all hands on deck"? No, you're coming with me to see little Joe Delahunt. Remember him from your O.C. Task force days? Raylan: We're going to Boston? Little Joe's in Lexington. Has been for the last three days. Raylan: So? So, before he went into Witsec, Terry Powe was a button man named Walter Vondas. Put big Joe Delahunt in Leavenworth for life times 14. Raylan: Who's driving? He got guys with him? [ Sighs ] We should assume so. Raylan: Be nice not to have to kick the door down blind. I could just knock, and whoever answers, I pull him out but the hair. Raylan: Little Joe answers, you could. He's pretty little. Oh, little guys are always the worst. They're more physical. Raylan: How about you knock, no matter who answers, you say, "oh, geez. I'm sorry. I have the wrong room"? "Oh, geez. I'm sorry"? Raylan: "I have the wrong room." You're different than I remember. Yeah, well, I'm older. No. It's something else. Raylan: When did you get married? Few months before I got divorced. Raylan: Anyway, I think t it's a good plan. Unless he doesn't follow. Raylan: Nothing I can think of that would keep a guy from coming after you. [ Engine shuts off ] [ Horn beeps ] Art: Mr. Powe, chief deputy Art Mullen. You should be expecting me. What did you guys screw up this time? Art: Excuse me? The guy on the phone said you were coming by, but he didn't say why. Art: Mr. Powe, could we do this inside in case your neighbors are looking out the window, please? Yeah, yeah. [ Door closes ] He said you were coming by. He didn't say why, but I been through enough of these scrambles to know it must be a screw-up... art: Mr. Powe, I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from the window, please. Yeah. All right. You know, most of the places I've been, lawmen always travel, like, in packs. Roxbury detectives came to get me once. They sent nine of them. [ Laughs ] Nine of them in two cars. They were packed in there like circus clowns. [ Chuckles ] But you Witsec boys are the only ones I've ever known to travel solo. Art: I'm not with Witsec. Oh, no? Art: Mr. Powe, I'm going to ask you again to step away from the window. And I'm gonna ask you again what this is all about. Got to be some kind of threat. Otherwise, why you telling me to get away from the window? But if that's the case, why don't you just move me? You ain't moving me 'cause you ain't certain the threat's for me, right? But then if that's the case... Oh, ho, ho, ho, holy sh1t. Did something happen to Nichols? That's it, right? That's why I couldn't get him on the phone this morning. What, is he, like, missing or, like, dead? Art: So, what, do you collect reptiles? Yeah. I collect all kinds of, uh, reptiles. Got like 15 of them. The broads love them. Art: What do you do with them? You pet them? Pet them? You can't pet them. I don't pet them. I don't walk them. I just... I throw food in there, and I leave them alone. I just... art: Never understood that whole pet-reptile thing. Might be better for you to pack a bag, Mr. Powe, in case we do have to move you. Yeah, all right. Art: What do you feed them? Mice? I'll tell you the truth. I don't know what to feed them. Everything I put in there, they don't eat. They just die. I end up feeding them to the snake. You know, it's a real shame about Nichols. I always liked him. He was very decent to me. Always treated me with respect. You know, I'll tell you, chiefy, you catch up with this guy, you ought to give me a call before you bring him in, you know? Nichols deserves some payback. Art: Mr. Powe... hey, hey, you know what? Call me Walt, all right? Art: What happened to "Terry"? Who's gonna overhear? Art: Mr. Powe, I hope you're not informing a sworn officer of the law of your intention to commit a major felony. Nah. I mean, look, call it a joke if you want, you know? All I'm saying is that whoever did this to Nichols needs to pay for it. That's all. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Helicopter blades whirring ] Boyd: Uh, you boys mind if I work in a set? Well, I think I might need a spot. [ Clears throat ] [ Knocks on door ] Oh, my goodness. I... I must have the wrong room. Oh, no. You're wrong, honey. This is definitely where you belong. Let go of my arm, or I'll call the manager. Oh, hey, now, honey. I apologize if we got off the wrong foot. Why don't you come inside? We'll grab a couple of those travel bottles in the minibar, see if I can't put a smile on that pretty face. Butchie, what the hell's going on, huh? Huh? And who is this guy? Raylan: Where the hell is the God damn ice machine? I'll show you where it is. [ Grunts ] Aah! U.S. Marshal. Who else is inside? You just broke my damn hand! Least you put a smile on my face. Who else is inside? Raylan: Stay right there. [ Grunts ] I'm starting to doubt your plan. Raylan: He came after you, didn't he? Be a doll and get me my purse. Raylan: Hell. U.S. Marshals! Open the door! Raylan? Raylan Givens? Raylan: Open the door, Joe. Who's the girl? Raylan: Assistant director... Goodall. Raylan: Goodall. Yeah, what's she want? Right now what I want is for you to open the door. I guess if you had a warrant, you'd have said so already. What kind of half-assed assistant director doesn't have the juice to get herself a warrant? You know, you're right. I don't have a warrant. You want to talk about juice, though? I have the juice to get your daddy put in solitary, fed all his meals through a slot in the door. I have the juice to kick open this door and make you put your hand in there while I kick it closed again, and I'm gonna do that over and over again until you tell me which one of your guys murdered a deputy marshal. And if you still don't, then I'm gonna get mean. [ Sighs ] Whichever of my guys did what? [ Cellphone rings ] [ Cellphone beeps ] Art: What's going on, Raylan? You're sure? Yeah. No, I'll take care of it. [ Cellphone beeps ] Everything all right? Art: Actually, no. Little Joe's here in Kentucky. We think some of his guys might be on the way over here. What does that mean? Art: That means we have to get out of here, so get your bag. So, I really got to stay down here the whole time? Art: Yeah. Sorry. Protocol. Same protocol that says you got to take my car? If your vehicle had been compromised, if they had installed a tracking device on it or something, they would have already been at your address, which would mean they wouldn't need to track your car. Makes sense. Art: Look, this is probably not the thing you want to hear from the guy that's supposed to be protecting your life, but I really have no idea where that safe house is. Do you mind if I use your navigation system? Knock yourself out. [ GPS beeps ] Hey, you think they're gonna, like, relocate me again? Tell you, if they do, this time, I got to spend more time picking my name. That "Terry" was like a joke. You know, like that movie with the guy and his wife. They get their Witsec names, and the wife says, "Terry," and the marshal or whatever, he says, "no, no. That's your name." Art: Hmm. Tell you, I can use a new gig, too. You think they would, like, let me work in a bar or something? Art: You know what? We're not as far away as I thought. You kidding me? Already? What the... [ grunts ] Ohh! Art: Get out, you son of a bitch. All right. All right. Mr. Crowder, federal law requires me to give you the option to refuse all medical treatment and to also tell you that by doing so may result in disciplinary action. Do I have your consent to proceed? Boyd: You do. All right. Let's see here. Open five. [ Buzzer ] Ask my permission to use my car. Ask my permission to use the Nav, eh? Real careful. Make sure you're doing everything by the book. Then we get here, you start searching my friggin' house without a warrant? Art: Well, we were using the new book then. Now we're using the old book. That's my savings. I don't trust the banks. Art: Walter, all that permission I was asking was before I got into your Nav system and figured out exactly where your car was at the moment Bill Nichols was killed. Now, we don't have a lot of time here. You got one chance... exactly one... to tell me what you did. All right. We'll stick to the old testament, then. You know, back in the old days, we used to use the phone book. You know, whack! But people don't even have phone books anymore. We still used to tell people, "you have the right to remain silent as long as you can stand the pain." [ Grunts ] Aah! Son of a bitch! Art: That phone call I got was from my guy who I sent to brace little Joe. And the kid gave you up, said that you called him a few days ago, and you asked him how much it would cost for you to buy back into the game, square everything for sending the old man to jail. He told you $2 million, thinking that you'd never come up with it, and then you told him to come on down here to Kentucky. Now, the way I figure it, the only way you come up with that kind of money is by trailing your Witsec marshal, finding out where all his other clients are, and then selling out at least one of them to whoever's looking for him. So, what happened? Nichols figured out you were trailing him. Yeah, let me guess. You never planned on killing him. It just kind of happened. Yeah. Art: I know what you mean. I didn't really plan any of this. [ Grunts ] Art: Just kind of happened. So, the only people you intended to hurt were your fellow protectees... people in the exact same position as you, living scared every day of their lives. Except that maybe some of them were in the Witness Protection program 'cause they wanted to do the right thing and not because they were a sniveling, murdering, piece of sh1t, like you, who just wanted to stay out of jail. That the gun you killed Nichols with? You need to talk to me, Walter! Yes! All right. This is what's gonna happen. You're gonna tell me who you sold out and who you sold them out to. Otherwise, I'm gonna take your gun. I'm gonna fire a couple bullets into that wall over there, and then I'm gonna take my gun. I'm gonna fire a couple bullets into your face. Then, when the cavalry gets here, I'll just tell them that you drew down on me and I did what I had to do. I don't think anybody will shed too many tears. [ Gunshots ] Aah! Hey! [ Laughs ] Deputy Brooks, I was about to make some tea. You want some? Rachel: Thanks. That would be wonderful. Okay. [ Cellphone rings ] [ Cellphone beeps ] Hey, art. Come here. Rachel: They're already here. Raylan: Art? Art: Yeah. He followed Nichols, sold out Mary Archer. We got to go. Let's go! [ Tea kettle whistles ] Oh, my God. [ Baby whimpers ] [ Whistling continues ] [ Baby cries in distance ] [ Whispers indistinctly ] [ Gunshot ] [ Baby crying ] [ Gunshots ] Art: Rachel, talk to me. Rachel: We're good, art. [ Baby crying ] [ Lock clicks ] Dickie: Hey, hey. Come on. Ain't you supposed to call out the cell number when you're opening up? Boyd: Hello, dick. Dickie: Help! [ Muffled shouting ] Boyd: Shh, shh. Dickie: [ Cries ] Boyd: Shh, shh, shh, shh. There ain't nobody gonna save you now, dick. Are you ready for what it's gonna feel like when I open you up, huh? That blood pouring out of you. The air whistling through that little hole I'm about to make in your neck. Shh! Shh! Shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh. I'm gonna take my hand off your mouth. But if I even think for one second you gonna scream, trust me, you gonna scream. Ready? On three. One, two [Gasps] Dickie: [ Sniffs ] Boyd, you know... you know I never meant to hurt... Boyd: Hey, hey. Don't even say her name. You understand me? Making up lies about how you shot Ava by mistake ain't gonna be your salvation today. Dickie: Oh, but, Boyd... Boyd: The only thing that's gonna save you right now is the truth. Dickie: The tr... truth? Okay, what kind of truth do you want? Boyd: Well, I'm glad that you asked. Dickie: Okay. Boyd: The truth about your mama's money. Dickie: Mama's... mama's money? But you... you know better than anyone tha... that... all that... the black pike money... Boyd: Oh, dick, dick. Dickie: It went into trust for Doyle's boys. Boyd: Shh, shh, shh. That ain't the money I'm talking about. I'm talking about everything she squirreled away all them years. You're gonna tell me how to get my hands on it. Huh? Dickie: I-I can't. Ow, ow. Boyd, wait, wait. You don't understand. I'm just saying that I can't... can't... can't tell you how to get your hands on it because I'm the only one he will give it to. I'm the only one. Even if I... even if I told him, "hey, give it to him. Boyd is my friend," or whatever, he will n-never ever give it to someone else. Boyd: Who is he? Dickie: Have you heard of Ellstin Limehouse? Boyd: Yeah, I heard of him. Dickie: Nobles Hollow. Okay. He owed mama some kind of debt, okay? And that's why she... she knew that he was gonna keep her money safe. And now, listen, Boyd. Hey, hey. I'm just telling you that money dies right here with me, okay? I'm just... Boyd: Shh. Raylan: What time is your flight? Any time I want. They flew me down on the service jet. Raylan: Look at you. [ Chuckles ] Want to go to Miami? Raylan: They just let you use the jet like that, huh? Like you're some kind of rock star? I take it to Paris every weekend. [ Chuckles ] Raylan: You know, I transported prisoners from Paris once. They had some really good coffee. But it was so little, I didn't know if I could hang out or if I was supposed to leave. Felt a little uncomfortable. I miss Miami, Raylan. I miss Dan. Raylan: Yeah? He was the best chief I ever had. Art seems good. Raylan: Yeah. Art saved my life. How? Raylan: Ever tell you I'm from Harlan county? No. You got nothing to worry about. Rachel: [ Sighs ] Raylan: How you feeling? Rachel: I'm fine. It's not like he's my first. Raylan: No. He's your first since your first. Rachel: You sound like that psychologist I had to speak to the last time. Raylan: What did you tell him? Rachel: I told her what I felt was a tremendous relief. [ Knocking ] Winona: I just heard. I'm so sorry. I just want to make sure you're okay. Raylan: Thank you. Winona: Should I stay? Or meet me at home, or... Raylan: No, if you don't mind, stay. Winona: I'll stay. Raylan: You want to sit? Can I get you anything? Winona: No, I'm okay. Raylan: Just give me a minute. Art: Yeah, I'll call you back. Hey, did you ever hear from Arnett's assistant? Raylan: Uh, Yvette? Art: Yeah. You ever heard from her since that night? Raylan: No. Why? Art: That was FPD. They said all the carpet had been pulled out of Arnett's office and the concrete underneath had been bleached. Raylan: That's never good. Art: Might be worth a trip down there tomorrow morning. Raylan: Hmm. Are you okay? Art: Sure. Why wouldn't I be? [ Sighs ] Raylan: Hey. We good? You file your report? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Then, yeah, you're sprung. Raylan: It's good to see you. Take care of yourself. You, too. Ava: Baby. What happened to your face? Boyd: The apple of my eye, the rose of my Sharon. Is it possible that you could be more beautiful? Mm. Ava: Will you tell me what happened to your face? Boyd: I didn't play well with others. It was a little harder to get to Dickie than I thought. Ava: But you did get to him? Boyd: I did. Ava: And, uh, he told you where his mama kept her money? Boyd: He did. Ava: Fact you're not dancing me around this parking lot makes me think there's a "but" coming. Boyd: But... Getting at it's gonna take some doing. Ava: Why? Where is it? Boyd: It's with Limehouse. [ Engine shuts off ] [ Vehicle door opens, closes ] [ Clears throat ] Bernard, you know the army used to hang men who fell asleep on watch? Y-y-yes, sir, Mr. Limehouse. These dangerous times for us, with the law sniffing around us, that Crowder boy fresh out of jail... [ Sighs ] now more than ever, we need to stay vigilant, starting with the man on night watch over the one bridge we got going in and out of our holler. Wouldn't you agree? Yes, sir. Bernard, did you ever hear me argue with your dad about the best way to train a dog? There was a time I thought that, uh, pain... was the only thing a dog remembers. But it was your daddy who taught me a dog also remembers when you elect not to hurt him. And if you can get your dog to not just remember, but to learn from the not hurting, then he's yours for life. But some dogs, though, they take you not giving them the hurt that they deserve as weakness. And after that first pass, well, they can't ever be taught. You got no choice but to put that dog down. You ever see what happens when you put too much lye in the scalding water? Well, it burns off the hair... And the hog's skin besides. Now, I'm gonna give you a choice, Bernard. I can pour some of this here on the back of your hand, see, turn the heat on the pressure hose up near boiling, and then we'll take this hand, and we stick it in under the stream till I decide we square. Then we take your hand out, pour on some vinegar, and hope that lye hasn't eaten down to the bone. Or you promise me that you will never fail me again in any capacity, and we can all go on back about our evening. Now, before you choose, I'm gonna tell you what. That first way hurt like nothing that you ain't ever felt, but it'll square us. Second way doesn't hurt, but it'll mean next time you screw up, I'll have to take that as a sign that you don't respect me anymore. Now, can I assume from your face that you're choosing door number two?

When a Federal Marshal close to Lexington is killed on a witness protection job, Art takes a more hands-on approach in finding who's responsible. Raylan works a different angle on the case with the help of an outspoken Marshal from his past ( Carla Gugino ). In lockup, Boyd learns he is getting released because Raylan, who has uncovered Boyd's plot to exact revenge on Dickie, is recanting his statement about the assault. Running out of time, Boyd manages to get himself alone with Dickie, threatening to kill him unless he tells him the location of the money from the Bennett organization, a confession that is overheard by an eavesdropping prison guard. Dickie tells Boyd that Mags ran her money through Ellstin Limehouse, a crime-boss in Harlan County ( Mykelti Williamson ).

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Scene: On the roof of the apartment building. Leonard: Okay, we've got power to the laser. Sheldon: I should've brought an umbrella. Leonard: What for? It's not going to rain. Sheldon: I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility. Howard: That's a bazinga, right? Sheldon: One of my best, don't you think? Leonard: Howard, do you want to double-check the equatorial mount on the laser? We need it locked onto the Sea of Tranquility. Howard: You got it. Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don't have to peep through windows. Raj: It's not like that, I'm watching someone's TV. The Good Wife is on. I tell you, this is my new Grey's Anatomy. Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard. What is that? What is that? Leonard: Relax, it's just a dirty sock. Sheldon: How on earth can you say dirty sock and relax in the same sentence? Leonard: Sheldon, the world is filled with dirty discarded socks. Sheldon: Not my world. Leonard: Hey, you know who'd really dig seeing this experiment? Penny. Sheldon: I wasn't aware that lunar ranging was her thing. Although, I suppose the retro-reflector left on the moon by Neil Armstrong does qualify as a shiny object. Raj: Why don't you ask her to come up? Leonard: I don't know, it's still a little weird since, you know... Howard: She dumped you? Leonard: She didn't dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship. Sheldon: I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographic location. Howard: Oh, it's very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called please don't leave me, while Penny had just moved to the island of bye-bye. Leonard: Screw you guys. I'm gonna go see if she's home. Howard: If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to point this at the moon now. Raj: Wait a second, the good wife is crying. Something's very wrong. Credits sequence. Scene: Penny's door. Penny: Oh, hi. What's going on? Leonard: We're up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon. Penny: I'm sorry, what? Leonard: It's pretty cool. We've got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything. I thought you might want to see it. Man in Penny's Apartment: That makes no sense. Penny: Um... Man: How can you bounce stuff off the moon? There's no gravity. Penny: Uh, Leonard, this is Zack. Zack, Leonard. Zack: Hey. Leonard: Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were busy. Maybe another time. Penny: Yeah, maybe. Zack: Hey, I want to see this laser thing. Penny: Oh, but what about the party? Zack: It's a surprise party, doesn't matter when we get there. Penny: Oh, right. Leonard: Okay, well, yeah, come on up. So, how'd you two guys meet? Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard: Your company? Zack: Well,, my dad, but me and my sister are VPs. Leonard: So, menus. Zack: I know it sounds easy but there's a lot of science that goes in designing them. Scene: The roof. Howard: Happy now? I'm moving the dirty sock. Sheldon: Thank you. Raj, keep an eye out for the other one. Penny: Hey, guys, this is my friend Zack. Zack: Hey. Sheldon: Hello. Zack: Whoa! Is that the laser? It's bitchin'. Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'. Zack: Well, mission accomplished. Leonard: Let me explain what we're doing here. Um, in 1969, the astronauts on Apollo 11 positioned reflectors on the surface of the moon, and we're going to shoot a laser off one of them and let the light bounce back into this photomultiplier. Penny: Oh! That's very cool. Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won't blow up? Leonard: The laser? Zack: The moon. Sheldon: See, now this is a man for Penny. Leonard: Uh, that's a great question, Zack. Sheldon: No, it's not. Penny: Sheldon! Play nice. Sheldon: Well it's not a great question. How could somebody possibly think we're going to blow up the moon? That's a great question. Leonard: Don't worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun. Zack: Smart. Leonard: Now, we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won't be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye. Zack: Naked. Leonard: Right. Uh yeah, funny. Uh, that device there will measure the photons that return and let us see it on this computer. Raj, get them some glasses. Zack: Cool, it's gonna be in 3-D? Howard: Preparing to fire laser at the moon. Sheldon: Make it so. Howard: There it is. There's the spike! Leonard: 2.5 seconds for the light to return. That's the moon! We hit the moon! Zack: That's your big experiment? All that for a line on the screen? Leonard: Yeah, but, uh, think about what this represents. The fact that we can do this is the only way of definitively proving that there are man-made objects on the moon, put there by a member of a species that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane. Zack: What species is that? Sheldon: I was wrong. Penny can do better. Penny: Okay, guys, thank you, it's been fun. Zack: Yeah, thanks. Should we invite them to the party? Penny: No, just keep walking. Sheldon: He must be very skilled at coitus. Scene: The apartment. Raj: I'm telling you, dude, the only way to feel better about Penny going out with other guys is for you to get back on the whores. Howard: Horse. Raj: What? Howard: The phrase is get back on the horse, not whores. Raj: That's disgusting, dude. Howard: No, it's not... Never mind. He is right, though. If you want, I can turn you on to this great new dating site I found. Leonard: No, thanks. Howard: You sure? They say they can find a match for anybody. Leonard: Have they found a match for you? Howard: Tons. I've had, like, eight dates in the last month. And twelve if you count the ones who showed up and left. Sheldon: I can't bring the nitrogen tank down. Leonard: Why not? Sheldon: All right, let me restate that. It's very heavy, and I don't want to. Leonard: I'll help you. Sheldon: Thank you. Lift with your knees, not your back. Good night. Raj: You know what would be fun? Signing Sheldon up for online dating. Howard: Yeah, right. Raj: No, think about it. We make it an experiment. Like when Frankenstein's monster was lonely and he found a wife. Howard: He didn't find a wife. They built him a wife out of dead body parts. Raj: Okay, we'll call that plan B. Scene: The apartment. It is night and the lights are off. Knocking. Leonard: Coming! Penny: Damn you, you rat b*st*rd. Leonard: Are you drunk? Penny: Zack was a perfectly nice guy, and then you ruined him! Leonard: How did I ruin him? Penny: 'Cause in the olden days, I never would've known he was so stupid. Leonard: Come on, he wasn't that stupid. Penny: Yes, he was! He thought you were gonna blow up the moon! Leonard: Okay, yeah, he's stupid. Penny: He spent the entire night bragging about how he invented the word appe-teasers. Leonard: How is that my fault? Penny: You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots. Now, come with me. Leonard: Where are we going? Penny: We're gonna have s*x. Leonard: Why? I mean, okay. Sheldon: What's going on? Penny: Put on your noise-cancelling headphones, 'cause it's gonna get loud. Sheldon: Oh! Not this again. Scene: The next morning. Sheldon: In what universe is this low-pulp? Good morning, Penny. Penny: What, do you have eyes in the back of your head? Sheldon: When one gets beaten up every other day in school, one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing. Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to oneself as one. I'm making English muffins. Would you like an English muffin? Penny: Oh, thanks, I'm not hungry. Sheldon: FYI, my noise-cancelling headphones proved ineffective last night. Penny: Yeah, sorry about that. Sheldon: As a native Texan, I must say I've never heard the phrase yee-haw used in quite that context. Penny: Oh, God. Sheldon: Oh, God. That I've heard on multiple occasions. In what universe is that lightly toasted? This has to be the worst day of my life. Good morning, Leonard. Leonard: How many times have I asked you not to do that? Sheldon: Counting this instance? 317. Leonard: Where's Penny? Sheldon: She returned to her apartment. I presume to shower and vomit. Not necessarily in that order. Leonard: I wonder why she didn't say good-bye. Sheldon: Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behaviour? Leonard: I know. I just thought as an outsider, you might be able to provide a fresh perspective. Sheldon: I have no difficulty believing you're not butter. Scene: Penny's door. Leonard: Oh, hey. Penny: Oh, hi. Um, I gotta run. Early shift. Leonard: Okay, I'll walk down with you. So, last night was fun, huh? Penny: Yeah, it must have been. I just threw up in my closet. Leonard: Bummer. Anyway, I was thinking tonight maybe we could catch a movie. Penny: Oh, yeah, tonight's not great for me. Leonard: Doesn't have to be tonight. I'm free pretty much always. Penny: Leonard, last night was a mistake. Leonard: When you say mistake, do you mean a fortunate mistake, like the discovery of penicillin? Penny: Look, I'm sorry. I was drunk, I was lonely, I hated Zack. Can we just forget it ever happened? Leonard: No, it's pretty well imprinted on my brain. Especially the whole rodeo thing. Penny: Oh, God! Leonard: So, that's it? Wham, bam, thank you, Leonard? Penny: Look, I said I'm sorry. Can't u please let it go? Leonard: How am I supposed to let it go? You used me for s*x! Morning, Mrs. Gunderson. Mrs Gunderson: Good morning, Leonard. Or should I say yee-haw? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Raj: Holy crap. Howard: What? Raj: We finally have proof that aliens walk among us. Howard: Excuse me? Raj: The dating site matched a woman with Sheldon. Howard: You're kidding. An actual woman? Raj: Yeah, look. Breasts and everything. Howard: Trust me, breasts doesn't necessarily mean woman. Raj: Since when? Howard: I'll show you a picture of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime. Leonard, you gotta see this, we found a match for Sheldon. Leonard: Great. Maybe she can have s*x with him, and then walk out on him the next morning without so much as a how do you do? Raj: Do you know what he's talking about? Howard: Nope. Why don't you ask him? Raj: Leonard, what are you talking about? Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. Raj: That was a lousy suggestion. Howard: Whatever. Right now, Dr. Sheldon Cooper has to send an e-mail to his perfect match. Greetings, fellow life-form... Scene: A building corridor. Leonard: If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. If she can do it, I can do it. (Knocks on door) I can't do it. Leslie Winkle: Hello? Leonard: Oh, hi. Hey. Hi, Leslie. Leslie: Leonard Hofstadter. What're you doing here? Leonard: Uh, I know! It's been a while! Leslie: Yeah, 18 months. Leonard: Right. Right. So how you doing? Leslie: Fine. You? Leonard: Uh, not bad. You remember when we used to have s*x and you said that it didn't mean anything, it was just for fun? Leslie: Yeah. Leonard: Uh, do you, uh, want to do that again? Leslie: What happened? Blondie dumped you? Leonard: She didn't dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship. Leslie: Right. Leonard: Um, anyway, apparently, it's okay to go back to people you're no longer seeing and have recreational s*x with them. Leslie: Uh-huh. Leonard: So, what do you say? Leslie: Let me think about it. (Slams door.) Leonard: She's not coming back. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Uh-oh. She wants to meet us. Howard: Not us. Him. Raj: Yes, but him doesn't even know about her. Howard: Well, him about to find out about her. Raj: Really? Us gonna tell him? Sheldon: Who's going to tell whom about what? Howard: Sheldon. Hey. Raj: Hi. Sheldon: Your surprise confuses me. I live here. Howard: Right. So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon? Sheldon: Be more specific. Howard: Four thirty. Sheldon: That's not afternoon. That's preevning. Howard: What? Sheldon: It's a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening. Preevning. I'm fairly certain it will catch on as it fills a desperate need. Raj: Right, okay. What are you doing tomorrow preevning? Sheldon: Well, tomorrow's Saturday. Saturday night is laundry night, so I'll be spending the preevning pre-sorting and pre-soaking. Howard: Okay, what if I were to tell you, tomorrow, at 4:30 you could meet a woman who has been scientifically chosen to be your perfect mate? Sheldon: I would snort in derision and throw my arms in the air, exhausted by your constant tomfoolery. Raj: But it's true. But we-we put all your vital information into this dating site, answered all their questions just like you would, and they found a match for you. Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler. Sheldon: Please. Even assuming you could answer any question the way I would, the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum. Howard: And that's exactly the answer we gave to the question, what is your attitude towards online dating" Raj: Howard wanted to write mumbo jumbo, but I said no, our Sheldon would say hokum. Howard: Well, come on, where's your scientific curiosity? Sheldon: Well, most of it is being applied to unravelling the secrets of the universe while the rest of it's wondering why I'm having this conversation with you. Raj: Okay, how about this. Even Spock had a date once every seven years. Sheldon: He didn't date. It was pon farr. His blood boiled with mating lust. Howard: Okay, well, why don't you start with a cup of coffee, and you can pon farr Amy Farrah Fowler later. Sheldon: I don't drink coffee. Howard: All right, you can have a hot chocolate. Sheldon: As I will not be engaging in this nonsense, my choice of beverage is moot. But for the record, I only drink hot chocolate in months with an R in them. Howard: Why? Sheldon: What's life without whimsy? Howard: Okay, I'm out. Raj: Sheldon, I've hidden the dirty sock from the roof somewhere in your apartment. Unless you are willing to come with us to meet this girl, it will remain there forever. Sheldon: You're bluffing. Raj: Are you willing to risk it? Sheldon: Curse you. Scene: The hallway. Leonard is finishing off a bottle of spirits. He opens the lift and drops the bottle inside. Leonard: Thirty feet. Penny: Oh. Hey, Leonard. Leonard: I was a perfectly happy, geeky, little lonely guy, and you ruined me! Penny: Are you drunk? Leonard: Come on. We're gonna have s*x, and it's not gonna mean a thing! Penny: Are you out of your mind?! Leonard: I'm really starting to think there's a double standard here. Scene: A coffee shop. Sheldon: In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it? The standard I told you so? The classic neener-neener? Or just my normal look of haughty derision? Raj: You don't know we're wrong yet. Sheldon: Haughty derision it is. Amy: Excuse me. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I'm being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock. Amy: If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery. In any case, I'm here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year. Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church. Amy: I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance. Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas. Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table. Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage? Amy: Tepid water, please. Howard: Good God, what have we done?

Penny introduces her new boyfriend Zack to the other characters as they set up an experiment to bounce a laser off the moon using the laser reflector left by Apollo 11, but grows disappointed with him as she watches him interact with the group. She later breaks up with him and drunkenly rants at Leonard for ruining her ability to tolerate idiots before proceeding to engage in sex with him, leading Leonard to hypothesize that he too can initiate drunken sex, which he tests throughout the episode. Meanwhile, Raj and Howard create a profile for Sheldon on a dating website without his knowledge, which to their surprise matches him with a woman named Amy Farrah Fowler. The two force Sheldon to meet Amy, and are surprised when Sheldon and Amy have a lot in common, ranging from sock aversion to their overbearing mothers.

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Act One. Scene One - Caf Nervosa. It's the afternoon when Niles is sipping his coffee reading the newspaper. Frasier enters and takes the seat next to him. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Oh, Frasier, listen to this: [reads from paper] "Michael Hawkins of Allentown, Pennsylvania, has agreed to donate his right lung to his younger brother Clovis. Says Hawkins, 'I got two lungs, but I only got one brother.'" Isn't that something? Frasier: It certainly is. Niles: The love one brother feels for the other. Frasier: [not surprised] Hmm, what do you want? Niles: I need you to come to a dog show with me. Frasier: I would rather give you a lung! [to passing waitress] Latte, please. Niles: Frasier, I beg you. It's at the Seattle Kennel Club tomorrow night and I can't go alone, Maris will be there. Frasier: And in what class will Maris be showing? Niles: She'll be showing no class! [they laugh] As she has ever since she hooked up with that reptile, Dr. Schenkman. This will be my first time seeing them since we filed for divorce. Frasier: You know, here's an idea, Niles: Don't go! Niles: I've never missed the kennel club show. If I don't go this year, people will think I've let Maris and Schenkman intimidate me! I want to prove that I'm strong and independent, and I can't do that alone. Frasier: Well, all right Niles, if it's moral support you need, I'll go with you. Niles: I'll pick you up around eight. Frasier: All right. Niles: [looks at watch] And, I have a patient. [packs things up] Thank you, thank you, I knew I could count on you for this, Frasier. It's nice to know that some things never change. Roz enters the cafe in a harried state, carrying two suitcases. Roz: Do you guys know where I can get a cheap hotel room in a hurry? Niles: Case in point! Goodbye, Roz. Niles gets up and leaves as Roz takes his seat. Frasier: Roz, why do you need a hotel room? Roz: I was supposed to move into my new place today, but they're still painting it. I can't be around those fumes, and they've already rented my old apartment. [to waitress who is bringing Frasier's coffee] Grand decaf Latte, please. [to Frasier] I am literally on the streets. Frasier: You just ordered a four-dollar cup of coffee. "On the street" may be a tad dramatic. Roz: Well, I've got to start calling around, see if I can find something. Frasier: You know Roz, if you're stuck, my dad's going to San Francisco for the weekend. You can always stay with me. Roz: Wow! That would sure make things easier. [quick] Okay. Frasier: [surprised] Well then, that's settled. That's that, then. Roz: [realizes] Oh, you were just being polite, you didn't really mean for me to take you up on it. Frasier: [covering] No, no, no, no. I wouldn't have suggested it if it wasn't something I wanted to do. You should know that. Roz: All right. Waitress: [brings coffee and bill] Here you go. There's your check. Roz: I'll get that. Frasier: No, no, no, let me get that. Roz: Okay. [hands it to him] Frasier: Well then, lucky me - I'm getting everything I want today. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier enters his apartment to find a rather worked-up Martin. Throughout this all of Martin's lines sound as if he is stressed. Martin: Well it's about time! Frasier: Calm down, dad. Martin: I was starting to get worried. Frasier: We've got plenty of time. Martin: My plane leaves at five clock. Frasier: I just stopped off for your blood pressure medicine. Martin: I don't need it! Frasier: [stressed too] Well, pack it anyway! Martin calms down and takes the bag that Frasier has brought in. He takes something out and it's a jewellery ring case. Martin: What's this? [opens it] Earrings? Frasier: Oh, just a little something I picked up for Daphne at the drug store. She ran some errands for me last week. Martin: Nice. What are they, sapphires? Frasier: [sarcastic] Yes dad, I always buy precious stones at the same counter I pick up corn pads and Wart Be-Gone! Daphne: [enters from her room] Shouldn't you two be going? Frasier: Oh, actually Daphne, we're just on our way but first there's a little something I wanted to give you - just a little token of my appreciation. Daphne: [excited, takes box] Oh, Dr. Crane, you remembered! Frasier: Well, of... course I did. Frasier looks at Martin, who shrugs to show he doesn't have a clue. Daphne: Can you believe it was five years ago today that I came to work here? I just knew you wouldn't let an important occasion like this go by unnoticed, but I wasn't expecting a gift. Frasier: Well, it's a small gift, a tiny gift... Daphne: [opens the box and is shocked] Oh my God, sapphires! Frasier: [worried] Well, actually Daphne... Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, these must have cost a fortune! Frasier: Well, I- Daphne: [blabbering] You know my friend Molly got a diamond bracelet from her boss but she worked for him for ten years and she was sleeping with him! And now I've got sapphires! And I didn't even have to sleep with you! Although now that I've got the sapphires - Oh God, what am I saying? I'm giddy! Is it rude if I go and try these on? I don't care! I have to see what these look like! I've never had real jewelry, before, never! I'm speechless! She runs to her room, leaving Frasier shell-shocked. Frasier: Dear God, she believes they're genuine sapphires. Martin: [sarcastic] Gee, ya think? Frasier: I'm going to have to tell her the truth. Martin: Why? Didn't you see how happy she was, just let her enjoy them. Frasier: I can't let her think I gave her something I didn't. Honesty between friends is far more precious than any gem. I'm sure Daphne feels exactly the same way. Daphne, however, enters, still on a high, now wearing them. Daphne: I feel like a princess! I'm never going to take them off! Oh thank you, [hugs him] thank you, thank you. [laughs] Frasier: Daphne, you know, I'm glad you like them... Daphne: And you even remembered that sapphires are my birthstone. Is there no end to your thoughtfulness? Frasier: Somebody has to keep track of these things. Martin: [stressed again] You know, I really should be getting to the airport! Frasier: All right dad, I'll get my keys! Daphne: No, no, absolutely not, I'll drive Mr. Crane. From now on you're not lifting a finger around here. [to Martin] You ring for the elevator, I'll just grab my coat. Martin: All right, but don't dawdle. My flight's at five, they told me to get there an hour early. Martin gets his luggage and moves over to the corridor outside Frasier's apartment. He is waiting for the elevator when Frasier comes out to see him off. Frasier: Did you remember to pack your medicine? Martin: [stressed] Yes, but I told you, I don't need it! The elevator arrives and Roz gets out of it. Roz: Hey, guys. Martin: Hey, Roz. [notices bags] Frasier, help her with that. [he does] Roz: Thanks, and thanks for letting me use your room. Martin: No problem. Roz: So, you're off to San Francisco. Martin: Yeah, yeah. Duke and I took our shore leave there in '52. We're going back to retrace out steps. Roz: That sounds like fun. Martin: Yeah, yeah. We had a great time that weekend. Back then there was no place like Frisco for a single guy cruising the streets looking for a good time. Frasier and Roz trade a look. Frasier: [with a different meaning] You know dad, I think you'll find that Frisco hasn't changed all that much. Martin: Well, I hope not! [laughs and enters elevator] Roz: Bye. Martin: Bye. Daphne enters the corridor from the apartment. As she talks to Roz she tilts her head and extravagantly brushes her hair back from one ear, making the earrings obvious, or rather making her look mad. Daphne: Hey, Roz. Just off to the airport, back in a bit, see you later. Daphne enters the elevator as Roz enters the apartment. Frasier puts her bags down as she closes the door. Frasier: Come on in, Roz. Roz: Thanks. Frasier: Actually, you're here a little earlier than I expected. Roz: Yeah, I had to get out of the apartment sooner than I thought. I left you a message. Frasier: Oh, frankly I didn't check my machine all day today. Roz: Listen Frasier, thank you so much for this. I won't be an imposition, I promise. You won't even know I'm here. Frasier switches on his machine to listen to the messages. Machine: You have 13 messages. [Frasier looks at Roz] Roz: I had my calls forwarded, I hope you don't mind. Marco: [v.o] Roz, it's Marco. I'm coming to town this weekend. Are you busy Saturday night, late? Call me. Roz: Obviously, Marco and I haven't talked for a long time. Frasier: Something tells me you never talked for a long time. Paula: [v.o] Roz, this is Paula Garrett, Rick's mom. [Roz looks up, alarmed] We just found out about the baby and well, we think it's important that we meet you. Uh, we're leaving to see Rick in Paris the day after tomorrow, so anytime before that will be fine. I'm running out now, maybe I'll try you later. [beep] Roz: Oh my god! Frasier: Now Roz, just calm down. Roz: What do they want? Frasier: Maybe they just want to meet you. They are the grandparents of your child. Roz: Look, I worked all this out with Rick! He's twenty years old, he's still in college and it's best for everyone if I raise this baby by myself. Frasier: I know that, but... Roz: Now I'm supposed to put up with in-laws and I don't even have a husband?! That's like posing nude for your art teacher and still flunking the course. [Frasier is shocked] Shut up! I needed the credits! Frasier: Roz, listen, all they want is a short meeting. Roz: Yeah, well, that's what they say now. What if they want another one after that? What if they won't leave me alone, what if - what if they don't think I'm a fit mother? Frasier: What if they turn out to be nice supportive people that you're glad to have in your life? Roz: I just don't want to do this, Frasier! It's not comfortable. Frasier: Oh Roz... You know what, I could go with you, if you like? Oh, better yet, we can have them here tomorrow night. Niles and I have a dog show around eight o'clock. They can come before that. Roz: I don't know. The phone sounds. Frasier: I'll bet that's Mrs. Garrett. Roz: I'm not here. Frasier: [into phone] Hello. Yes, she is. Yes, she did get your message. [Roz signals to him to change] No, no, I'm afraid she won't be able to meet you. Yes I understand that you're upset. I'm terribly sorry, goodbye. [hangs up phone] Roz: Thank you, Frasier. Thank you. Frasier: That was Marco, now we're calling Mrs. Garrett. He picks the phone up and starts dialing. [SCENE_BREAK] WHERE'S A GRINDSTONE WHEN YOU NEED ONE? Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Roz: All right, give it to me straight. How do I look? Roz enters wearing attire that looks like it's flashed from the 19th Century - a long black dress with a white collar and cuffs, and a conservative string of pearls. Of course, her pregnant bump makes it all a little more weird. Frasier: Like Pollyanna grew up and got herself into a little trouble. Roz: Oh, why am I doing this? How did I let you talk me into this? Frasier: I will mean a lot to them. Besides, it's a chance to learn about your baby's lineage. A lot of things are inherited, you know. Like intelligence, artistic ability... The doorbell sounds. Roz: Oh God, it's them. I've got to check my makeup. Frasier: Roz, there's no need to panic. You know, this should be fun! It's like a little preview of who your child might be. Roz enters the powder room as Frasier answers the door to Mr. & Mrs. Garrett. Steve greets Frasier whilst his wife has her back turned talking to a neighbor. Steve is a tall, handsome man in his late 30's, with an enormous, bulbous nose. Steve: Hi there, Steve Garrett. Frasier, taken aback, shakes his hand mechanically. Steve: My wife's just... uh, honey? Paula: Well, it was nice seeing you too! Paula turns round; she also has an enormous nose. Paula: Oh, what a coincidence, your neighbor goes to my hair salon. Hi, I'm Paula. [shaking hands] Frasier: [recovering] Frasier Crane. Won't you please come in? [they do] Roz'll be out in a second. She just went to powder her... self. Steve: We hope this isn't too awkward for her. She sounded a little anxious on the phone. Paula: Then again, who could blame her? She doesn't know what kind of people we are. A situation like this is enough to make anyone a little nervous. Frasier: Well, actually you know, Roz really isn't the nervous type. Roz then opens the powder room door, smiling - and nearly falls over when she sees the two large noses. Frasier: Roz, this is Steve and Paula Garrett. Roz: [astounded] Hi. Steve: Hi... oh, that's alright Roz, we don't blame you for being shocked. Paula: I mean, we're used to it. You should see the looks we get. Steve: You were a little taken aback yourself, weren't you, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Oh-ho-ho, certainly not! Paula: Oh, come on, it's alright! Everyone comments on it. Frasier: Well, I must admit when I opened the door I... Paula: [finishes] ...couldn't believe we were old enough to have a twenty year-old son. Frasier: [lying] Exactly! You know, you both look so young. Don't they, Roz? Steve and Paula turn to Roz, putting her on the spot. Roz: [still astounded] Yes... young. Very, very, young. Paula: Oh Roz, I can see you're feeling a little uncomfortable, so let's just say, right up front, that we have no intention of intruding on your life. Steve: Rick told us what a wonderful person you are. We just wanted to meet you and offer any help or support that you think is appropriate. Frasier gives Roz a "what did I tell you?" smile. Roz unbends. Roz: [happier and settling down] Thanks. That's very nice. Daphne then enters from the kitchen with a tray of food. Paula and Steve have their backs turned to her. Daphne: I thought your guests might be a little peckish. Frasier: Oh, Daphne Moon, Steve and Paula Garrett. Daphne: Hello, I... They turn to her and she is astounded. Daphne: I... Frasier: I know! It's amazing, isn't it? They are actually the parents of a twenty year-old. Daphne: [glad for the excuse] Amazing. Steve and Paula go to look at the food as the doorbell sounds. Frasier: Oh, excuse me. [opens door to Niles] Oh, Niles. You're an hour early. Niles: I'm sorry - hey, Roz. [to Frasier] Yeah, I thought you might like to grab a bite to eat before the dog show. [notices them] Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you had... They turn around. Niles: Had... Frasier: Company, yes! Steve, Paula Garrett, this is my brother, Niles Crane. The Garretts are the grandparents-to-be of Roz's baby. Niles: Oh! Well, nice to meet you. [to Daphne] Hey, Daphne. Paula: Did I hear you mention you're going to a dog show? Niles: Yes, the Seattle Kennel Club is having its annual event tonight. Paula: You know, Steve and I went to that a few years ago. We just love dogs! We have two giant Schnauzers. Niles quivers in place, fighting hysterics. Daphne presses her fingers over her mouth. Niles sits on the couch with a goofy smile. Roz looks rather nervous and Frasier looks angry. Steve: My goodness, Paula look at the view! Frasier: Roz, why don't you show the Garretts the view? Paula: Oh yes, that would be nice. I could use a breath of fresh air! Roz takes the couple out on the balcony and Daphne and Niles release their giggles. Frasier: [snaps] Just stop it, the two of you! My God, you're acting like a couple of two year-olds! As they try to regain control of themselves, Martin comes in the front door. Martin: I'm home. Frasier: Dad? What are you doing here? Martin: Aw, Frisco was a bust! All our watering holes are gone, the steak house was a sushi bar, and this morning Duke and I went out for a walk. We passed City Hall, and there's this big crowd, kinda like a pep rally or something. So, we joined them. Well, some official guy up front says something that we didn't hear and the next thing you know, everybody's throwing rice and all the men are kissing each other and all the women are kissing each other, and I'm not sure but I think Duke and I may be married. Roz, Paula and Steve enter from the balcony. Martin has his back turned to them. Martin: Well, the whole weekend was like that! Just one surprising event- [turns round] AAH! As he steadies himself against the bookshelf, Niles and Daphne have to hold their giggles in again. Roz looks even more nervous. Steve: I-I'm sorry, did we startle you? Martin: Oh, no, no, [making up] I-I didn't know we had company. Frasier: Dad, Dad, this is Steve and Paula Garrett. They're Rick's parents, you remember Rick? Martin: Oh sure, yeah! [shaking hands] Hi, how are ya? Nice to meet you, Marty Crane. Uncomfortable silence. Roz: Oh, they're just on their way to Paris to visit Rick. Martin: Oh, yeah? That sounds like fun. Paula: Yeah, I'm just a little nervous. I hear the Parisians can be kinda snooty. Now Martin turns away, joining Niles and Daphne in furtive hysteria. Daphne: Excuse me, I've got something in the oven. [turns to the kitchen] Niles: [getting up] Let me help you. Martin: Yeah, uh, me too! As they leave, Frasier and Roz shrug apologetically at Steve and Paula. As soon as they make it into the kitchen, Martin, Niles and Daphne collapse with stifled, hysterical laughter. Martin steadies himself against the refrigerator, Niles falls over, Daphne takes a quiche from the oven and puts it on the side. Daphne: [whispering] We've got to stop, they'll hear us! Steve: [o.s., re: quiche] Mmmm, what's that I smell? Martin: [whispering] Probably Japan! Which sets them off anew. Whilst they are killing themselves with laughter, Frasier walks in and watches over the scene in anger. Frasier: What is the matter with you people?! Martin: Oh, come on Fras! Don't tell us you don't think this is funny! Frasier: Not in the slightest! These are two perfectly nice people, who happen to have large noses! The three of you standing in here, sniggering like school childen! Well, all right, fine. If you can't get yourselves under control you can just stay in here! Frasier enters the living room with the quiche. Frasier: Quiche Lorraine, anyone? Steve: Quiche her? I hardly know her! Paula: Oh, Steve! Frasier: [polite laugh] Steve: [puts nose over it] Boy, that smells wonderful. Paula: [with nose over it] Does it ever. Frasier holds in his laughter. Paula: Do you mind if I ask? Is this homemade or store-bought? Steve: Honey, don't ask that! Pardon my wife, sometimes she gets a little nosey. Niles, Daphne and Martin enter the room to hear the following. They are laughing underneath their hands and Frasier tries his utmost not to. Paula: Me nosey? You're the nosey one in the family. Steve: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosey! Paula: Anyone who knows you knows you're nosier! Frasier walks back to the kitchen and hands the quiche off to Daphne. He is obviously ridden with laughter but stopping himself from revealing it. Martin: Something wrong, Fras? As soon as he makes it into the kitchen, he bursts with hysterical - and clearly audible - laughter. Steve and Paula look confused, until he sticks his head back out. Frasier: [laughing] "Quiche her? I hardly know her!" [everyone laughs] I just got that! End Of Act One. (Time: 13:47) [SCENE_BREAK] Act Two. LET'S TAKE A LITTLE BREATHER Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Later, Roz is pouring herself a glass of water in the kitchen as Frasier enters. Frasier: You know Roz, in spite of a rather shaky beginning, I think this evening's turned out rather well. Roz: Oh yeah, and you were absolutely right, Frasier. Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have. A great sense of humor... a sweet disposition... a nose like an [angry] ANT- EATER! Frasier: Frankly Roz, I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. As I remember, Rick had a perfectly fine nose, and so do you. I'm sure your baby's going to have one too. Roz: Maybe you're right. If Rick can beat those genes, my baby has a chance. They enter the living room to find Niles and Daphne talking to Paula and Steve. Paula: So, how long have you been working for Dr. Crane? Daphne: Five years just yesterday. In fact, he gave me a beautiful pair of sapphire earrings to mark the occasion. Niles: [unbelieving] Frasier gave you sapphires? Frasier: [worried] Who's for coffee? Steve: I'll take some. Paula: You know, you really must show those earrings to my husband. He's a jeweler, you know. He could probably even tell you what mine the stones came from. Frasier: [nervous] Well, you know, maybe coffee's a bad idea if you've got that early flight in the morning. Daphne, could you just take this back into the kitchen for me? Daphne: [feels ear] Oh dear, one of my earrings has gone! It must have fallen off somewhere! Paula: We'll help you find it. Steve: [on his knees] What does the earring look like? Frasier: No, no, that's not really necessary. Once you've seen one sapphire, you've seen them all. Steve: Well, that's not exactly true, they vary widely in quality. Frasier: [pulls him to his feet] You know, why don't you just get up? You have to get going, you know, we have plenty of people in order to form a search party. [laughs] And you know, we'll just trample each other. Well, good night. Paula: Alright, we are going to have a big day tomorrow. Frasier: Uh-huh, and you might as well get a little sleep before you take off. Steve: You know, if you can't find that earring, I might be able to replace it. Can I see the other one? Daphne: Oh, [begins to take it off]. Frasier: [quickly picks up something] I've got it! Here it is. Bon voyage! Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Alright, Daphne, just a second. [to the couple] Well, listen, it was wonderful of you to come. Steve: Thank you for having us. Roz, it was great meeting you. Paula: Our door is always open. Roz: Thank you. You guys have a great trip. Frasier: Goodnight. [shuts door on them] Daphne: Goodnight. Steve: Goodnight. Daphne: Can I have it then? Frasier: [opens his hand] Oh, I'm sorry, it's just a piece of lint. Well, the search continues. Daphne: I feel just terrible! The one precious thing that anyone has ever bought me in my whole stinking life, and I lose it. Niles: Daphne, I found it. [hands it to her] Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, I could kiss you! Niles: Okay. [she hugs and kisses him] Daphne: What's this? Niles: [nervous] Nothing. Daphne: [looks at ring] The setting's come loose. It's only blue on top, the bottom's all coppery. Dr. Crane... Frasier: I know what you're thinking Daphne, and you're right. Obviously I... Daphne: You've been swindled! Where did you buy these? I want to take these back and tell that lying cheat exactly what I think of him. Frasier: Actually, you just did. Daphne: You knew? [silence] Roz: [embarrassed by scene] Uh, Niles, how about a cup of coffee? Niles: [not about to miss this] Thanks, Roz, cream and sugar. Roz, who didn't expect this answer, just sits on a chair as Niles stands next to Daphne staring at Frasier. Frasier: I'm terribly sorry, Daphne, I meant to tell you eventually. Niles: You didn't need to. Her earlobe's already turning green. Frasier: Shut up, Niles! You see Daphne, the truth is, I didn't remember your anniversary and well, I saw them and I thought they were pretty, so I bought them for you. You thought they were genuine, you seemed so happy... Daphne: They are pretty. I suppose I can have them repaired. I'll just take them back to the jewelry store. Frasier: [stares at her] Actually, I bought them at Raymond's. Daphne: Raymond's drug store? Niles: Well, the good news is that they'll carry something for that ear infection- Frasier: SHUT UP! The doorbell sounds. Frasier answers it to find Mr. and Mrs. Garrett with some photos. Paula: It's us again! Gee, I almost forgot. Roz, I brought you something. I thought you might get a kick out of these. Here are some pictures of Ricky when he was a boy. [hands them over] Roz: Oh, thank you, that is so nice of you. [looks] Well, where is he? I don't see him. Steve: [points] There, in the middle. Roz: Oh... he looks so different. Steve: Oh, right, that was before his hockey accident. The nose job changed his whole face. Paula: I mean, not that the doctor didn't do a good job, but that's the Ricky you'll see in the baby. Roz: Well, thanks. Thanks a lot. Paula: Oh, you're welcome. And bye again. Frasier: Take care. Steve: Thanks. Frasier: Good to see you. Paula and Steve exit through the front door. As soon as Frasier closes it, Roz slams the photos against her chest. Roz: Oh my GOD! Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz! It can't be that bad, let me have a look! Roz: No, no way, no! I'll never hear the end of it! Frasier: Please. Roz releases the photos. He looks... and mutely shows them to Niles and Daphne. They stare. Niles: Where is the end of it? Roz whimpers. Frasier comforts her. The scene FADES OUT. Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. At the end of the day, Roz is sitting up in her nightgown staring at some pictures as Daphne enters, also in her nightgown. She sits at the dining table with her. Daphne: Oh, Roz, you're not still looking at that picture, are you? Roz: Nope, this is a different one. Daphne: [looks] Oh dear, look at the way the ears on this poor little girl stick out. Roz: It's me. Aged nine, the year before I got them fixed. Daphne: [laughs] Sorry, Roz, I didn't recognize you with those glasses. Why is one side blacked out? Roz: I had a lazy eye. Daphne smothers a laugh. Roz: I got that fixed the next year. Let's just say for birthdays I wasn't asking for ponies. Daphne: [laughs] You poor thing. Roz: I'm just sitting here thinking, what if my kid gets Rick's nose, and my ears and eyes? Throw in my grandfather's third nipple, I might as well pitch a tent and charge admission. Daphne: Oh come on, nothing like that's going to happen. Roz: I just hate the idea of my kid being teased. [sighs] I know what that's like. As long as my baby's in here [rubs her womb] I can protect it from anything. But pretty soon this kid's going to be out there on his own. Daphne: Every child goes through a bit of teasing. I mean, it's a part of growing up. At least yours will be lucky enough to have a mother who understands what it feels like. And you'll know just what to say to make it all better. Roz: I really hadn't thought of it that way. Daphne: Well, I'm pretty good at finding the positive in things. I mean, look at what happened to me tonight; I could say, here I've worked for someone for five years and he forgot my anniversary and bought me a worthless piece of blue glass. But I'd rather say he gave me a nice pair of earrings just because he thought I'd like them. Which is really rather sweet when you think about it. Roz: Yeah well, Frasier will be pleased to hear that! Daphne: Oh, I'm not going to tell him! [they laugh] Well, I'm ready for bed. Roz: Yeah, me too. [they stand] Thanks again, Daphne. Daphne: Yep, you're welcome. As Roz gets up, she flinches and puts a hand on her belly. Roz: Ooh! I just felt a big kick. Daphne: You sure it wasn't a sneeze? Roz: Oh, ha-ha! Daphne: [laughing] That's the last one, I promise! Roz and Daphne laugh as they exit the room to Daphne's room. End Of Act Two. (Time: 20:10) [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is talking on the phone when Frasier comes in. When she hangs up, he apologizes and gives her another jewelry box. She opens it and sees a diamond pendant. She is ecstatic, and hugs him in delight. Embarrassed, he leaves. As soon as he's gone, she rushes to the desk, takes out a jeweler's loupe, and checks the stone.

Roz stays with Frasier while her apartment is being painted. She agrees to meet the Garrets, the parents of her baby's father Rick. Martin is off to San Francisco for the weekend with Duke, to relive a Korean War furlough they once shared, but cuts his trip short after finding the city completely changed. Martin, Frasier, Niles, and Daphne all are unable to maintain their composure upon seeing Steve and Paula Garrett's absurdly large noses. After learning that Rick was born with a similar nose, but had a nose job, Roz worries that her baby will inherit Rick's nose, as well as her own awkward features that she had cosmetically altered.

fd_The_Office_08x13

fd_The_Office_08x13_0

Andy: Val, I need the space. Val: All right guys, clear out. Andy: Everybody out. Val: Promise me you're going to clean up. Andy: I can't promise what I'm going to do or not do. Val: Promise me that- Andy: Obviously I'm going to clean up. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Stress is like the uptight mayor or a town who's saying, "Hey, we're uptight, you can't dance," and then you have to be like, "Oh yeah, Mayor Stress? Well watch this!" And then... we dance. Oh how we dance. [dances to Kenny Loggin's Footloose] s*x also works. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Hey! Jim's back from jury duty. Andy: Hey! Tuna! He's back. Jim: Hey. Andy: Oh, look at this. [hugs Jim] Tuna wrap. Jim: Okay. Andy: [grabs Jim's wrist] Hand roll. Jim: Yeah. Phyllis: How was jury duty? Jim: It was pretty uneventful, actually. Dwight: Can't believe they let someone like you serve on a jury. Makes me question the whole judicial system. Erin: What was the case? Jim: Uh, hit and run. Erin: Ooh, "the case of the hit and run," that's exciting. Phyllis: Did you send him to the slammer? Jim: Nope. Not guilty. Dwight: Of course you found him not guilty. [mocking voice] "Oh, he apologized and I just really want him to like me, mm." Jim: We're best friends, actually. We're going wine-tasting next weekend, if you want to come. Dwight: Not coming, have plans. Jim: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I did get called in to jury duty. And they released me around noon, so, didn't think it was worth it to come back to work for a half day. And then the next morning Pam was a little overwhelmed with the kids so I took an extra day to help out. And then three other days happened. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Ah! Angela had the baby! Kevin: Is it black? 'Cause that would be hilarious. Darryl: Why? Kevin: You know. Darryl: Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby? Kevin: A little bit, yeah. Right guys? Back me up. Ryan: Eh, a little bit. Kevin: Oh, did I win the pool? Erin: Ah, no. Right month, wrong year. Oscar: Well no one won the pool. Angela wasn't due for another month. Erin: We should all go to the hospital and visit her. Phyllis: Oh, I'd love to but, um- Jim: Aw man, I would but I can't miss any more work. Oscar: Well Kevin and I have to go, Accounting is its own little family. Kevin: Yeah, Oscar's the dad, I'm Oscar's dad and Angela's my mom. Gabe: Everyone, our very own Angela- Oscar: We all got the email, some of us are going to go visit. Gabe: Oh, I am so in. [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: I love maternity wards. It's the perfect blend of love and horror. Things can go so wrong or so right. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Come on, Judge Judy, tell us your case. What were the deets? Jim: Mine was actually a pretty boring case, so- Meredith: How could it be boring? You were there for five days. Titillate us. Stanley: Yeah, you owe us. I had to stay until six twice to cover for you. My wife got to the TV first, had to sit through damn Rizzoli and damn Isles. Phyllis: Yeah, my car got smashed visiting one of your clients and I had to have it detailed and they took my meter change. Jim: Wow, I'm really sorry. Phyllis: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I never considered that my week off would make everyone else's job harder. The least I could do is give them a good story. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [demonstrating with napkin holder and salt shaker] So Phyllis, he was here, and then the car came and did- he was like that. Yeah, so it had to be a double backflip, actually. Toby: You know, when I was on j-duty, uh, Strangler case, we used to recreate the various stranglings with empanadas from- at Ernesto's. Jim: Oh man, Ernesto's. That was our favorite restaurant too. Toby: You mean food truck. Ernesto's was a food truck. Meredith: Toby, shut your hole about the empanadas. Nobody cares about the empanadas. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I was in Los Angeles last year. Jim tricked me into thinking I'd won a walk-on part on NCIS, but that's not important. While I was being kicked off the lot, I saw food trucks everywhere. Everyone in Los Angeles eats from them. And nobody calls them restaurants. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [whispering] Guys, I don't know how many of you have seen- Gabe? Bring it in. I don't know how many of you have seen a premature baby before. It's going to be really tiny, so please don't say anything offensive. Kevin: Got that, bimbo? Erin: Got it, bimbo. [Oscar knocks at the door] Angela: Yes? Oscar: Knock, knock. Oh! Kevin: Hi! Angela: Oh... I don't- I don't want any- what are you guys doing here? Oscar: We wanted to say hi to the newest little Dunder Mifflinite. Senator Lipton: Well, meet our not-so-little bundle of joy, Philip Halsted Lipton. Kevin: Phillip is so fat. Oscar: Kevin! Kevin: You warned me not to say anything if it was tiny, Oscar. But you didn't prepare me for a big, giant, fat baby. Angela: Hey. Senator Lipton: Yes, he's substantial. Erin: He's more than substantial. He's a monster. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: So this whole hit and run thing, there's just one part I can't figure out. You said it was at a four-way stop... Jim: Mm-hmm. Dwight: And the victim rode his bicycle into the left hand turn lane but the perp was already in the left-hand turn lane? Jim: Mm-hmm. Dwight: See, that's what I'm having trouble with, because the fact is, you never said he was on a bicycle. [villainous laugh] Busted, Halpert! Jim: Okay, wait, wait. Dwight: Yes! Andy, get out here. Jim: No. I never said he was on a bicycle. I just said I wasn't listening to you. Dwight: I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights. Andy: What's up, gangstas? Dwight: Jim was lying about jury duty. He was lying the whole time so he could go do yoga or go canoeing. I don't know what this pervert likes. Fire him! Andy: Dwight, not everything is a conspiracy theory. Dwight: I have Jim on the record saying that the vic- Andy: No. Dwight! I have me on the record, saying to you, take a chill pill. Dwight: I don't- I don't need to take a chill pill. Andy: Here, right there. [mimes giving Dwight a pill and a glass] Down the hatch. Dwight: I really don't want to take the chill pill. [mimes taking pill] Andy: Attaboy. Good. Now, chill. Dwight: Okay, okay. [sits, exhales] But let's just say that Jim was lying about jury duty. You would have to fire him, right? Andy: Yeah, sure, of course. I'd fire him to Timbuktu. [Jim laughs nervously] Dwight: That's good enough for me. [exhales again] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: ...and Pam was just going crazy, trying to take care of Philip because Cece has been out of control recently, and- look, Andy, it doesn't matter. The truth is, I just feel terrible lying to you. Andy: I feel terrible getting lied to. No one's ever lied to me before. Jim: Okay. I think the best thing to do right now is just come clean and tell everybody the truth. Andy: No, not after what I told Dwight about firing you. No. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to have ourselves a good old-fashioned cover-up. Have you ever heard of a Connecticut cover-up? Jim: No. Andy: Do you know why you never heard of it? Jim: No. Andy: Covered it up. Jim: Are you sure you can keep this under wraps? Andy: They used to call me King Tut because I'm so good at keeping things under wraps. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: My nickname was actually King Butt, because I had a king-size butt. [SCENE_BREAK] Ernesto: [pulls food truck up to where Dwight and Nate are standing] Where you want I park? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Okay, everybody, gather 'round. Got a real special surprise for you. [indicates Ernesto and assistant who are carrying empanadas] Toby: Ernesto! Ernesto: Hola Toby! [mimes choking] Toby: Yeah, hey. Ernesto: Como esta? [speaks Spanish] Nate: Uh, I'm going to say "I" when I'm talking for Ernesto, so instead of "he says blah, blah, blah," I'm going to say "I say, blah, blah, blah," but that's for him. Anyway, it was something like, "He remembers Toby." [makes face] "I remember Toby." Dwight: Okay- oh, Jim. Hey, this guy look familiar? Jim: Uh- Toby: It's the empanada guy. Jim: The empanada guy! Dwight: No, Toby! [bleep] Damn it, Toby! No, I wasn't asking you. [sighs] Ask him if he remembers Jim. [Nate asks Ernesto a question in Spanish] Ernesto: No. Nate: He says, "No." Dwight: He says, "No!" Boom! Andy: Yeah but who remembers all their customers? I mean, I can name like three of our clients. Dwight: Okay, he remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world. [Ernesto says something in Spanish] Nate: Ah, he doesn't want any trouble, he sees lots of people, they come from all around to eat his delicious meat pockets. Jim: Uh, you guys are going to love these. So, empanadas on me. You guys gotta try them. Creed: Usually I'm a burrito guy, but if you won't tell, I won't. Wink, wink. Dwight: Great. And while we're enjoying these delicious empanadas, Jim, why don't you tell us your story again? Andy: Why? Everybody's heard it. Dwight: Walk us through it. What time would you get there every morning? Andy: Hey, Murder She Wrote. How about we drop the whole 'Murder, She Wrote' thing, okay? Jim was at the courthouse for jury duty every morning. How do I know? Because I drove him there. Phyllis: Why? Andy: Why? Why? [looks at Jim] Jim: Because my car broke down. Andy: His car broke down. So he called me, 'cause I live near the courthouse. Dwight: Wait, wait. You live by the courthouse. So you drove from near the courthouse, out to Jim's house, and then back to the courthouse? Andy: Thirty minutes out, thirty minutes back, easy hour. And I would watch that cute little tushie scurry up those courthouse stairs every morning and that was that. Phyllis: [to Ernesto] I'm sorry, do you have any American Mexican food? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: We're getting buried out there. What was that stuff about the car breaking down? Jim: Well, I think you handled it pretty well. Andy: I'm not Rumpelstiltskin, Jim. I can't keep spinning gold out of your [bleep]. Jim: Okay, listen, all right? Dwight's on to us, he's going to figure it out really soon, so let's just get ahead of it, let's tell the truth. Andy: [sighs] I don't even know what the truth is anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Wow, it's so... healthy. Kevin: I'm going to call him Little Kevin. Angela: No, you will not. Erin: Is he really five pounds? Angela: Mm-hmm. Erin: Because I squat with five pounds. This- [squats, grunts] yeah, this feels like more than that. Senator Lipton: No, no, no, he's nine pounds, seven ounces. Angela: Nine pounds? Really? I thought you said five. You know what? I was under so many drugs, I felt like I was at a James Taylor concert or something, oh. So, what did you bring? Oscar: Oh yeah, I don't know if it's right, but- Senator Lipton: Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you hit it out of the park. Angela: Aw, preemie pajamas! Oscar: Again, it may not be the right size. I can return- Angela: No, I think he came early just so he could wear these. Thank you. Kevin: I got Little Kevin Call of Duty. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: This baby is clearly not premature. They're lying about the date it was conceived. It's very interesting. And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Uh, excuse me, can I have everyone's attention for a second? First off, I just want to say that I'm really sorry, I didn't know that my absence last week would have been a burden on any of you, because, though I did have jury duty last week, they did dismiss me early on Monday. And I think you're going to find this pretty hilarious. I kind of, uh, well, maybe took the week off. Stanley: What? Jim: Funny? No? Nobody laughing? Dwight: [laughs] You're screwed! Oh, it's happening. It's really happening. Stanley: What the hell, Jim? I covered for your bony butt. Jim: Pam really needed some help with the kids, so, I promise my intentions were good. Dwight: Your clients. They're all mine. Darryl: Jim, I got my ass chewed out because one of your orders got messed up. And Andy, you said you drove him to the courthouse. Andy: Uh, I did, every morning. And if I didn't, then I hope I die. Dwight: All right, well. Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Allow me to give you a hand. [puts Jim's things in a box] Here we are. So long, clump-mate. I'm going to miss you. Truth be told, I never thought that this was how it was going to end. I always thought that I was going to defeat you somehow. But you've defeated yourself. [laughs] Andy: Dwight, cut it out. I'm not firing Jim. Dwight: No, no, no. You said- you said that you were- Andy: I know what I said. Jim, you're in deep doo-doo. Do you understand? I have one thing to say to you, and I'm going to say it in front of this whole office. Look me in the eye. [gives Jim a limp slap] Dwight: That's it? This is crap! [dumps the box on Jim's desk and leaves] [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: [on voicemail] You've reached Gabe Lewis, I'm currently indisposed. Leave me a message. Ciao. [beep] Dwight: Gabe, it's Dwight again. Highest priority, triple-urgent. Call me. Immediately. That means ASAP. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'm gonna find Gabe, tell him what Jim did and let the little stickler do what he does best: stickle. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Shh. Oscar: Honestly, I can return this for a larger size. Angela: It's fine. Pajamas aren't supposed to be baggy, right? It's not the barrio. Oscar: The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate. Angela: Ah! Kevin: [giggles] Little Kevin. Angela: Really? Oscar: Angela. Angela: Fine, God. Philip was conceived nine months ago. Oscar: I knew that, I knew it. Angela: The senator and I wanted to wait, but we had just seen Thor and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata. Oscar: Chicken marsala. Angela: Right. Um, point is, Philip was conceived out of wedlock. Oscar: Mm-hmm. Angela: And now you all know, but you can never tell. I'm serious. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Dwight. Hey. Dwight: Oh, hey. Have you seen Gabe? Oscar: He went to the car or something, but he'll be back. Dwight: Okay. [sits] Oscar: Don't you want to see the baby? Dwight: Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now. Oscar: I promised I wouldn't tell. Dwight: So don't. Oscar: Angela got pregnant before the wedding. Dwight: What? Oscar: She got pregnant before the wedding. Dwight: How long before? Oscar: A month. [Dwight leaves, Oscar calls after him] You didn't hear it from me! Dwight: Yes I did. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Dwight? Senator Lipton: Dwight. Dwight: I want to see the baby. Erin: Oh, Angela will make you cut your fingernails. It's not worth it. Dwight: Oh, yes. Oh, what a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions... [whispers] willingly, or as slaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose s*x, that baby is mine. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: He's hungry. Senator Lipton: Oh, that's my cue to leave. Angela: No, you don't have to. I'm going to wear this cover. Senator Lipton: Still. Still. Angela: You won't see- [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [to Cece] You want a giraffe? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Yes, I am brining my kids in to help me get out of this hole. And you all remember my beautiful wife, Pam. Pam: Hi. Wow, I really thought I'd be more excited to be here. Jim: Whoa, whoa, whoa, game face, baby, game face. Pam: Oh right, okay. Hey Stanley, it's great to see you! Jim: Whoa, no, no. That's overdoing it, I think. Pam: Oh, hi Stanley. Jim: Split the difference? Pam: Jim. Jim: Okay, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey. Erin: Hi. Pam: Hi everybody! Jim: What? All: Hi. Pam: How about a little visit? Jim: Wow, what a surprise. That's crazy. You guys get to meet the little heck-raisers. Creed: Hey, Angela's back with her baby. Pam: Yes, well, you guys all know Cece, but we wanted to introduce you to baby Philip. Andy: Aw! You guys. He's licking on my finger, just like my cat does. Creed: Let me have a turn. Pam: No, it's the pacifier's turn. Creed: All right. Jim: Did you say something about this one bringing in something for these people? Pam: [gasps] Yes! Cece wanted to thank everybody for letting her daddy stay home with her all last week and play, so she brought you a little treat. Phyllis: Cookies? Pam: No, but that would've been a really good idea. Jim: That was a great idea. Pam: No, she brought you drawings. Jim: Oh my goodness, let's take a look at these. They're usually amazing, so let's see. Yup, they are. Uncle Andy. Andy: Oh! Jim: Oh, Aunt Phyllis. Phyllis: Oh. Andy: Wow, these are incredible. Cece, did you do these? Cece: No. Pam: She says "no" to everything. You know, she thinks my name is "No." Cece, do you want some broccoli? Cece: Yes. Pam: No. It's crazy. Ryan: Why am I shorter than the table that I'm standing next to? Andy: There's cross-hatching in some of these. That's kind of advanced for a two-year-old. Kelly: Cece, this is your big sister Kelly. Did you color this pretty picture? Cece: No. Kelly: So then this means nothing to you. [rips picture] Andy: Hey, Cece, why don't you draw another picture for us, exactly like this one, or at least in the exact same style? Jim: You know what? I don't think you need to do things on command. That's very weird. I'll just take that. Thank you. I think we should just wrap up the show, kiddos. Right? Cece: [cries] Mama! Pam: Shh. Jim: I don't know what else we can do here. Cece: [cries] Mama, mama, mama. Jim: It's okay. Pam: Oh, it's okay, sweetie. Jim: All right, all right. Okay. Pam: It's okay, honey. [Philip cries] It's okay, it's okay. Jim: All right, I know, I know. Let's just get this. Pam: Shh. Cece: Mama! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Angela, this child is definitely mine. He looks just like me. Angela: Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby. Dwight: Need I remind you that we were together a month before the wedding? Angela: That is completely untrue. Dwight: Completely true. Remember? Angela. No. Dwight: You said that Robert was not fulfilling you- Angela: I did not. Uh-uh. Dwight: -and I said, "I bet I could fulfill you," and you said, "I'd like to see you try," and then I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls. Angela: That didn't happen. Dwight: And then I inserted my penis- Angela: No! Stop it! Dwight: Into your- Angela: Dwight. Dwight: v*g1n* and- Angela: And even if it did, it's just a coincidence. Dwight: Admit that there is a chance. Angela: I will not. Dwight: Admit it. Admit it. Angela: I will not, it's not- Senator Lipton: All done? Dwight: Yeah. Senator Lipton: Mmm. Angela: Yes, yes. He's sleeping. Dwight: Before I go, may I? Angela: Sure. [gives Philip to Dwight] Watch the head, watch the head. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Nurse, you know that baby in there, baby Philip? Cancel the circumcision. Nurse: Who are you? Dwight: I just might be his father. Nurse: I don't know what that means. We're gonna circumcise him. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Philip is crying] I know, buddy, I know. Cece, you want to come? Want to come out? Cece: No! Jim: Oh bud, I know. Do you have a pacifier or anything? Pam: I'm looking, I'm looking for the pacifier. Jim: Cece! Pam: Okay, we're going. Jim: Okay, okay, we gotta go. All right, we're going home, we're going home. We're going home, we're going home. I know, I know, bud. Pam: Shh, shh, shh. Jim: I know, I know. Pam: You want to grab her? Jim: I'm gonna grab her, okay. Pam: Here we go, here we go. Jim: Hi, all right. I'm just going to go down to the car and I'm going to put her in her seat and I'll be right back up. Stanley: [groans] We'll see you tomorrow. Jim: No, no, it's okay, I'll be right back. Phyllis: No, just go home. Darryl: It's all good, we got this. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I have a kid. Last week, Jim at home? That was no vacation. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim. Phyllis: Just go. Andy: Hey, we'll be just fine. Jim: Thanks guys. All right, here we go. Let's go. Andy: Oh, whew! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Dwight, what the hell? You can't smoke in here. Dwight: Oh, right. [sighs] The office looks different now. Huh. Smaller. Maybe I just feel bigger. Hello Gabe. Gabe: You had something important to tell me? Dwight: Oh, you know, I did but now it seems infinitely insignificant. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Jim? Oh, right. Nah, forget it. He was doing it for his kids. I get it. Kids drive us dads crazy. Sometimes I feel like they're raising us. Am I right?

After Jim fakes having jury duty to spend time with Pam and their newborn child, Dwight suspects something is awry and tries to trip Jim up with an investigation. Jim, worrying that he will get into trouble, confides in Andy, who understands and tries to help cover up the incident. Meanwhile, Angela gives birth to her son, whom Dwight believes is his son.

fd_The_O.C._01x07

fd_The_O.C._01x07_0

Teaser Seth : The plan is undeniable. Ryan : I'm denying it. Seth : We have my mom's ranger, we have a perfect alibi as i go to this comic book convention every year and we also have my entire life never doing anything wrong. Which completely allows my parents to give a false sense of trust. Ryan : And you want to give that all away for Summer in a wet t-shirt doing body shots. Seth : (pause) Sorry, i thought that was a rhetorical question. Yes, Ryan, yes. On the last weekend before school, one goes to Tijuana, it is tradition, it is a right of passage, and you know what else? What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico. Ryan : What happens in Mexico? Seth : I don't know, because it stays there, that's why we must go. Ryan : ahh.. I don't know about lying to your parents. Seth : Okay, i can respect that. I will lie to them. Ryan : Why can't we just go to Comic-con? Seth : Okay, Comic-gon is just a bunch of pathetic virgins ogling some p0rn star dressed as Cat Woman. Ryan : I thought you went every year. Seth : (bites lip) Listen, Tijuana's a big town, i bet you won't even see Marissa. Ryan : I don't care about seeing Marissa or not seeing Marissa. Seth : Okay, therefore you should have no problem coming to Mexico. Ryan : Well, won't you be hanging out with Summer? Seth : No, because she'll probably be shacked up with Luke. (pause) Seth : Yeah, I'm sorry. That's probably a bit painful. (sandy enters kitchen) Sandy : Hey ya, fellas. You all excited about Comic-con? Seth's been going since he was ten. It's the highlight of his year. Seth : Thanks, highlight's a bit overstated. Check you out, big pimpin'. Sandy : Yeah, I got a meeting with a private law firm today. Ryan : Why, you suing one of their clients? Sandy : No, it's a job interview. (kirsten enters kitchen, opens refridgerator) Kirsten : Which he'll never take. They like to flatter him every once in awhile. Sandy : But i go for the free meal. Ryan : But I mean, you'll still be a public defender, right? Kirsten : After 15 years? There's no way he's selling out. Sandy : Well, it'd have to be one hell of a free meal. Seth : And that's what they call a call-back in comedy, Ryan. Sandy : So, how soon until you two are leaving on your trip ? Seth : I don't know. (looks at Ryan) How soon? Ryan : Tomorrow. Seth : Don't you mean El maf1'f1'61f0 na? (end of teaser) credits (Seth walking into the pool house with a mexican hat. He puts it on Ryan's head then steps back) Seth : Looks good. Ryan : I don't wear hats. (seth doing the "what's wrong with you" move.) Seth: Ryan? you mean sombreros. You really need to brush up on your Spanish. (holds out spanish book) Seth : There's over 500 useful phrases. Ryan : (reads from book) "May i please see a lady's worsted nylon bathing suit?" Seth : (nods head) Yeap, but did you know that one? Ryan : What's this? (takes out some brown piece of paper) Seth : Our iteninary for our trip. Ryan : Seth, it's over 12 pages long, we're going for two days. Seth : Right. Well, if you're going to get over Marissa, somebody needs activities. Ryan : I don't need to get over Marissa. I'm over Marissa. *turns to leave* Sethf1 f0 : Ryan? Ryan. Look at me, this is me here, okay? Amigo. Now I know you're hurting, and i think you need to unburden your soul. *sits on bed, and pats the bed space next to him* Seth : Anytime, i'm here to help. Ryan : Trust me, my soul is fine. It's just that- (cuts to Marissa and Summer) Marissa : -I don't know, it never would have worked out. Summer : No kidding, it is so much better this way. He's all like, brooding, wounded, somebody save me. Marissa : I thought you liked that. Summer : It is just too hot to save anyone. Speaking of hot, I can't believe you and Luke. That you guys did it! You have to tell me everything, i've been waiting for this forever. Marissa : You have? Summer : you've seen it before Marissa : C'mon Summer : touched it? Marissa : Summer! It's a secret act between two people, Summer : It was a letdown, right? Kinda hurt? totally awkward? Marissa : Well, it's not like I had anything to compare it to. Summer : So? do it again, it is way better the second time. Marisaa : Well, i'm supposed to go over to his place this afternoon. Summer : Trust me, Coop. Get back on that horse. You got to giddy up! (stands up and does that giddy up thing). Marissa : shh. my dad's home! (both laugh) (cut to jimmy on the phone) Jimmy : well, you're right. i don't understand. you promised me that the apartment will be ready tomorrow. Yeah. i'm moving out this weekend. I don't-where am I supposed to stay? *sighs* well, you don't have to apologize, it's just that you know, i-alright, you know what? thank you, i - forget it. yeah bye. Summer and Marissa enter. Marissa : Dad? Jimmy : Hey, girls. Marissa : So, Summer and I are going to - Jimmy : Oh right, you're going to Palm Springs. Yeah... Marissa : We're not leaving until tomorrow... for Tijuana? Jimmy : Oh yeah, right. that's it. i meant-ah- (marissa looks concern) Marissa : You, okay? Because i was going to go over to Luke's but if you want, i could stay here. Jimmy : nono, i'm-i'm fine, sweetie. yeah, go to Luke's. Luke's great. Isn't he, Summer? He's a really-really great kid. Summer : Sure.. Jimmy : Anyway, i gotta... Marissa : Right, i know, yeah. kay. Alright bye. (they leave). Summer : cya Jimmy : cya. (cut to doorbell ring at the cohen's kirsten goes to open it) Kirsten : Hey! Jimmy : Hey. Is now a bad time? (cut to them in the living room) Kirsten : i don't know why you come to me in the first place. Jimmy : I-i *shrugs* Kirsten : I'll call my realtor, Gloria. I'm sure she'll be able to help you find something. Jimmy : Thanks, you know. Yeah, thank you. Kirsten : So, how did the girls take the news? Jimmy : Well, uh. Julie and i decided to uh, table that conversation until Monday. Kirsten : You haven't told them yet? Jimmy : Julie's at her mom's with Caitlin and Marissa's going to Mexico this weekend so, we thought'd it'd be easier, cleaner if we did it that way. They come back i'm gone, and then we tell them. Kirsten : I'm not so sure about this. Jimmy : *sighs* well, Neither am i but, the thought of having them watch me pack up my life, move out, it's hard enough as it is. I'd never thought i'd be that guy that, *sighs* that divorced guy. (cut to Marissa and Luke making out). Luke : When we go to Tijuana, it's going to be so romantic. Marissa : It's kind of gross there. Luke : So what, we won't leave the hotel room. Marissa : I don't know. Luke : It'll be way better the second time. Marissa : No, i mean i don't know about Mexico. TJ. I don't think I'm going to go, i think my dad's having a meltdown. Luke : You're thinking about your dad right now? Cmon, babe. Marissa : I don't know if I can leave him alone. Luke : Warissa, he's like 40. Marissa : We can go to like Mexico whenever. I feel like i should be with him, right now. Luke : Okay, fine. Gotta go meet the guys anyway. (Cut to Seth and Ryan at the Crab shack place, with Summer and her friends at another table. Ryan is working, Seth is at the bar, drinking godknowswhat. Seth motions Ryan over) Seth : Was she looking at me? Ryan : (looks at Summer) Still no. Seth : You know what she's doing? And it's textbook. She's playing hot and cold, trying to pretend our little kiss didn't happen. Ryanf1 f0 : There were no witnesses. I mean, I didn't see anything. Seth : Well, i guess i'll just have to make magic happen again, won't I? (Ryan nods sarcastically) (Luke and Marissa enter, Luke waves to Ryan and Marissa and Ryan um, talk) Ryan : Hey, how you've been. Haven't seen you in awhile. Marissa : Yeah, Well, the last time i saw you, you kinda had your hands full. (Ryan and Marissa have this intense glare) Summer : Coop, c'mon! Ryan : Well, don't let me keep you. Marissa : I won't Ryan : Good. Marissa : Uh huh (Marissa looks away and walks to Summer's table) Holly : Hey Coop. Marissa : Hey Holly. Summer : You don't make those freshmen watch real donkey shows, do you? (marissa looks at ryan, luke and them laugh) (Cut to sandy in the waiting room, turning off his cell phone) Rachel : Sandy Cohen! How'd you get pass security? Sandy : How are you, Rachel? (stands up) (they have this hug) Sandy : Well, you look great! Being a slave for the Man agrees with you. Rachel : Six seconds until the first insult! You're getting soft! Still surfin'? Sandy : Every morning, it helps me keep a clear mind, that and not working at a joint like this. Rachel : (nods) Yeah, decent hours, appropriate compensation. I don't know how i ever left the DA's office. Sandy : Well, if i remember correctly, you kept losing. None of this roguish brilliant... Rachel : Conceited. Sandy : That's right. It was me.. So, what are the good folks at Parcher and Con doing. Rachel : I gotta tell ya' you made some noise with that Jimmy Cooper case. Sandy : Ahh, i didn't do anything. Rachel : you still got your work cut out for you. But heading the fed's office for a pass, negotiating a restitution deal, calling in a high powered security attorney in the spend of a weekend. (walks to elevator) Sandy : god, damn, i'm impressive. Rachel : And conceited. Sandy : So you keep saying. Rachel : Truth be told, no one was going to touch that guy. The fact that you did, made the partners think and made me think. Is sandy cohen really ready to come down off his high horse? Is he finally getting tired of being a martyr? (walks into elevator) Sandy : geez, i was just hoping for a free meal. Rachel : Sorry to disapoint you. All you're getting is a really good sales pitch. Sandy : Sounds delicious. (elevator closes) (cut to the crab shack place, again, seth and ryan are talking). Ryan : What are you uh- Seth : Shh, eavesdropping, I hear like a wolf. Summer : What do you mean you're not going? Marissa : I just, I don't know Summer. I can't. Summer : But how am I supposed to get there? The guys are going down tonight for that stupid freshmen hazing . Holly's car is full. Marissa : I'm sorry. Summer : ugh, I'm totally stranded. (Seth bites lip.) (Cut to Luke and Holly behind the aquarium) Holly : You know, what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Luke : Holly, I can't. I just got back with me and marissa are back together. Holly : I'd give it a week. You'll miss me. (Ryan overhears and gives him a suspicious look, luke stops smiling and walks away). Luke : C'mon babe. (to marissa) Let's get you out of here before the road trip starts. Marissa : (shrugs to Summer) (they leave) (Seth walks up to Summer's table) Seth : Hello Summer. Seth Cohen. I believe you remember *winks at her* Nothing? Um, i heard you needed a ride tomorrow. (Cut to the next day, Sandy, Seth and Ryan walking to the outside) Sandy : Remember all the numbers? seth : Yes, dad, i remember our phone number. Sandy : Did you get any water? Huh? Extra batteries? Did you get some air in the tires? Did you put gas in the tank? Seth : (exasperated) It's amazing I turned out so normal. (walks out, see summer) Seth : Hey! Let me get that (tries to lift her suitcases and falls) Sandy : Hey, Summer. Sandy Cohen, I'm Seth's dad. (shakes her hand) I had no idea you were into comic books. Summer : Comic books? Ew. Seth : She goes for the anime. Sandy : Anime.. Summer : I'm going to say bye to Coop, don't touch my stuff. (summer leaves) Seth : This is going to be awesome. Sandy : She's hot stuff, son. Seth : And now, it's ruined. (cut to Marissa's house) Marissa : I can't go. Summer : C'mon Coop. I got us a ride, just grab some stuff and let's go. Jimmy : Hey, what are you guys still doing here? Marissa : Well, I thought I'd stay home this weekend. Jimmy : What, why? I thought you were looking forward to this trip. Marissa : Well, I was, but you know, I thought that we could spend some time together. Jimmy : We can't i'm sorry. I thought you were going so, i-uh. made other plans. Marissa : I was, I just thought..I mean, are you sure? Cuz' i thought maybe we could. Jimmy : Look, please c'mon. I can't take care of both of us. Marissa : Okay. I'll go pack my stuff. (turns and walks away) Summer : Coop... (Cut to Marissa and Summer walking out the door and going into the car) Marissa : So, who's going with us? Summer : You'll see. (opens door) Summer : Great news! I got Coop to come along. (Marissa finds Ryan in the backseat) Marissa : oh. Summer : Vamanos! We're going to TJ! (car drives.. away) (commercial) (cut to kirsten and jimmy painting his apartment.) Kirsten : I can't believe you talked me into doing this, we could've brought somebody in. Jimmy : Where's the fun in that? It only took us a couple hours to paint my dorm room, remember? Kirsten : Your dorm room was the size of a prison cell. Jimmy : well, we might be painting one of those as well. (Kirsten looks at him with the, shut up look) Jimmy : sorry. Listen thank you so much. I was thinking about being home when julie and the kids come back. Kirsten: you haven't told them yet. Jimmy : Well, not exactly, I was going to tell Marissa, but then, it seemed so impossibly hard. Kirsten : Because it is! Jimmy, Marissa isn't a little girl anymore. And if she comes home and finds you gone, she'll never forgive you. Call her, she'll still love you. I promise. (cut to Marissa, Seth, Summer and Ryan on the car) Summer : We should be there in, like, 3 hours? Seth : The GPS says the ETA's three and a half. Summer : Well, that's because someone drives like an old woman. Seth : I'm going 70 in a 65 zone. Summer : 80 is the new 70. Seth : What? Who talks like that? Summer : Who gets passed by a van full of nuns? Oh wait, who? Cohen does. Seth : Well, they have God on their side, okay Summer? I'm not going to beat jesus. Summer : I'm going to call Holly and see how far ahead of us she is. And she's a girl. Seth : That's weird being insulted here. Summer : Not as insulting as being here with you. Seth : Point taken. (ryan reaches into the bag to get water and offers it to Marissa) Marissa : no, thanks. Summer : I'll take it. I'm so dehydrated. What is up with the AC? My hair is frizzing out, i look like Howard Stern! Seth : See? You know, strangely, I think my JewFro benefits from this. Summer : You're Jewish? Seth : Yes, that's why I feel so comfortable in this desert heat. Summer : This is a nightmare. I'm sweating to death, driving 10 miles an hour, on like a rickshaw listening to this...music. Seth : HEY, do not insult Death Cab. Summer : It's like one guitar and a whole lot of complaining. Seth : This reminds me of someone else who's doing a whole lot of complaining, Summer. YOU. Listen to me, I am driving this vehicle, and i will drive at the speed i feel comfortable, okay? It's my music, it's my snacks- Summer : Kudos and goldfish? what are you, 8? Seth : Ryan, Marissa, say goodbye to Summer. Summer : What are you doing? Seth : I'm dropping you off. Summer : No you won't! Seth : Don't touch the wheel. (seth and summer struggle to control the wheel while marissa and ryan panic in the backround. ) Summer : Stop! (they drive into the grass and the car axel breaks down.) (cut to the hotel) Summer : Ew. Seth : It's not exactly the honeymoon suite. Marissa : Well, it's only for one night. Until the axel's fixed. Summer : That's nothing to brag about. Sweet, do we have to pay extra for the pubes ? This is so gross, i can not stay here. Ryan : well, unless you feel like hitchhiking again. Summer : No thank you. I've had enough time in a truck full of chickens. Marissa : well, we're really lucky that guy stopped for us. Summer : Well, we'd be even luckier if Coletrickle here hadn't driven us off the road. Seth : Who the hell is coltrickle? Summer: Tom cruise, Days of thunder? Marissa : Hey guys can we try to be positive, here? Seth : Yeah, okay, i am positive that this is Summer's fault. Summer : I am positive that i am leaving this place with a rash. Seth : so you're planning on making some extra money tonight? (summer glares at him and walks into the bathroom) Summer : Ew. This bathroom is so...ew.. (Seth puts his head his hands, exasperated by summer's complaining.) (Cut to Kirsten and sandy in the kitchen) Sandy : Hello Kirsten : Hey Sandy : What happened to you? Were you finger painting in the backyard? Kirsten : Well, i was at Jimmy's. Helping him paint his new living room. Sandy : Julie kicked him out? Kirsten : mhmm. is it okay that i'm helping him? Sandy : yeah. yeah i guess. *sees the new surfboard* whoa honey! You shouldn't have. Kirsten : I didn't. It washed up about an hour ago. Who's Rachel? Sandy : She works at the law firm i met with yesterday. Kirsten : Wow, the meeting must've gone well. You never said. You must've let them down, so they sent you a gift. Sandy : You know with a private practice, i could do more normal work than i do now. Kirsten : Sandy, you're not seriously considering the job, are you? Sandy : The salary the offered me, it's outrageous. Kirsten : Since when have you been swayed by a paycheck? This family has all the money it needs. Sandy : Yeah, except of course, it's your money. Kirsten : It's our money. Sandy : Not really. Kirsten : Well, unless you want to bye the Lakers and own a Carribean island. Sandy : It's not about buying stuff, well it'd be nice, it's about contributing. and i have an oppurtunity. Kirsten: it's working for people who you hate. you always referred to those places as evil empires. controlled by coprorate interest. Owned by the Man. Sandy : well, it goes with the territory. Kirsten : But PD's office is your life! I don't want to see you give that up so you can buy groceries next week. Sandy : i don't believe this, i think balance is important. Kirsten : you don't think we have balance? Sandy : No we don't. you have all the money Kirsten : and you have all the ideals. Sandy : You like that I don't make a lot of money. Kirsten : What? Sandy : That's what makes us different from all the other families. Kirsten : Ugh. Sandy : All these other women, you never wanted to be, married to their investmen bankers and CEOs, as long as i haven't sold out, you haven't sold out. Kirsten : So not true. Sandy : C'mon face it, the only reason that keeps you feeling from julie cooper is me. (kirsten looks at him like.. i can't believe you said that) Sandy : but hey, it's just an offer. (cut to ryan and marissa at a vendor) Ryan : So, i have to pick wisely, ding dongs and cheese sticks? Marissa : I don't know, pick whatever. Ryan : I don't care either, so... Marissa : So i, guess we'll all just starve. Ryan : Are you ever going to stop being mad at me? Marissa : I'm not mad at you. Ryan : Right. Marissa : Well, why would i be mad at you? Ryan : Because you walked in on me with another girl? Marissa : Actually, i think she was a woman. But why would i care about that? Ryan : I don't know. shouldn't be a problem Marissa : There's no problem. Ryan : Cept' ding dongs or cheese sticks. Marissa : I don't care, Ryan. I don't care about cheese sticks, i don't care about ding dongs and i really don't care that i walked in on you with some girl, or woman, whatever. Ryan : The only reason i was with her was because you were clearly back with Luke. Marissa : I was not back with luke. Ryan : But you are now right? Marissa : right. Ryan : good Marissa : great, so we'll just go to mexico split up so we don't have to talk to each other over again. Ryan : Sounds like a plan. By the way, you could've knocked first. Marissa : Did you ever wonder why i went to the pool house to find you? Ryan : Everyday. Here's your chance. Clear the air. Tell me. Marissa : Cheese sticks, i hate ding dongs. [SCENE_BREAK] (cut to seth in the hotel room turning on the tv) Seth : Hey static, that's awesome. (summer comes out of the bathroom wearing her nightgown) Summer : What're you doing? Seth : Almost watching tv. This is either Spongebob Squarepants or Jag. Summer : Get off the bed. The sooner i go to sleep, the sooner it'll be morning and the sooner this nightmare will be over. ... I'm not sleeping on that couch. It's stained and smells foul. You sleep there. Seth : After you made it sound so appealing, yeah, right, okay, good night. Summer : C'mon get off the bed! Seth : Nope. Summer : Be like, a gentleman? Seth : Chivalry's dead, sugar. (Summer releuctantly gets into bed) Summer : (glares at seth) You make a move, I rip out your jugular. Seth : Hey, pillow talk. (cut to ryan and marissa walking back to the hotel room, ryan opens door, Marissa's cell phone rings, it's her dad) Marissa : Hello? oh hey dad. Jimmy : Hey. You gotta a minute, kiddo? Marissa : Uh, yeah. Is everything okay? Jimmy : Uh well, no, uh, not exactly. Marissa : Well, what is it? Jimmy : This isn't uh, easy to say. When you get home, I'm not going to be there. Your mom and I are... Marissa : You're going to get a divorce. I just can't believe you're telling me this over the phone. Jimmy : I was going to tell you, before you left, but then i'd knew you'd stay so and i just couldn't let you watch me pack up my life. Marissa : *crying* Jimmy : i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, kiddo. I didn't want to ruin your whole trip. it's good-it's good that you went.. (cut to ryan in the hotel room on the pull out bed. Marissa comes in, clearly crying. She sits down. ) Ryan : I can sleep on the floor. Marissa : no, it's okay. (she lies down) Ryan : I'm sorry. Marissa : Thanks (ryan moves to the other side of the bed, they turn in opposite directions going to sleep, camera pans out of them all sleeping) (the next morning) (ryan and marissa are sleeping, the only thing that changed is that Ryan is cradling her from behind) (marissa wakes up and realizes this) (ryan wakes up and realizes what he's doing) Ryan : Sorry, i didn't mean to uh- Marissa : i know. Ryan : You want to go home? Marissa : I just- i just don't want to stay here. I'm going to go take a shower. (cut to seth and summer having breakfast reading newspaper) (they trade newspaper in unison) (seth pushes toast to summer, while summer takes a bite of it) (summer and seth both pick up their tea/coffee in unison, freezing when they realize what they just did, they both put down their newspapers) Seth : So...Tijuana. Summer : Yea. Seth : You think we should've woken up Ryan and Marissa? Summer : no, they looked so cute together. Vomit. Seth : Hey it's a real sentimental streak you got there, summer. Summer : Trouser it, Cohen. It's too early for your so called comedy. Seth : You enjoy my comedy. Summer : *raises eyebrows* Seth : You know what else i think you enjoy? Me. Summer : Well, that's because you're mentally unstable. Seth : Be that as it may, i think that facts speak for themselves. May i remind you of a little something I'd like to call, the time you kissed me by the pool at my grandfather's birthday party. Summer : What're you talking about? Seth : okay, i know that denial is a very powerful coping mechanism. But i just think Summer, that it's time that we paid lip service to our lip service. Summer : Two words: no tongue. Seth : Well, you did agree to take this little trip down to mexico. Summer : I needed a ride. Seth : We shared the same bed. Summer : I wasn't going to sleep on the couch, it smelled like these eggs Seth : You ate my toast, Summer. Summer : I like crusts, Seth. Seth : Face it, our chemistry is undeniable. Summer : You know what else is undeniable? Seth : What? Summer : the pain this fork is going to cause when i jam it into your EYE. (seth looks at her) Summer : (apologetic smile) I suffer from rage blackouts. Seth : i'm just, uh, check. (waves the waiter) (cut to hotel room) Summer : Where's Coop? Ryan : Taking a shower. Summer : I hope she's wearing shower shoes Seth : I brought you some breakfast and the chariots are prepared out front. You ready to go? Ryan : I'm not sure we're going. Summer : What? Ryan : Marissa's dad called. Some bad news. (marissa comes out of the bathroom) Summer : What's going on? *sighs* they're getting divorced. (hugs Marissa) Summer : Baby, I'm so sorry. Whatever you want to do, Coop. But if i may, speaking as a child of divorce, you do not want to be home right now. And this is our last chance for freedom, we get back to Newport and it's all just school and reality. Let's go to TJ, have fun. Life will suck soon enough. Ryan : She might.. actually be right. Seth : there's got to be a first time for everything. *everyone in the room looks at him* Seth : Rage black outs, got it. I'll be in the car. *seth leaves* Marissa : Let's go to TJ. (cut to them in tijuana on some road) Seth : I still don't understand why we needed to get two rooms. I'm going to leave you my key just in case you get lonely. Summer : Or in case, i might smother you with a pillow while you're sleeping. Seth : Whatever turns you on. Marissa : So everyone is probably at Boom Boom. Summer : Oh , just let me run into the pharmacy. You can get whatever you want without a prescription. I need to make a pitstop for my stepmom. I guess she's already taking all the painkillers available in Orange County. Seth : I should probably pop in and get me some antihistamine...for me, allergies. Marissa : (talking to ryan) You know, you don't have to come with us, if you don't want. Cuz' you know, i'm going to go find Luke. Ryan : It's okay, really. It's fine. (Cut to a restuaraunt with Rachel and Sandy) Sandy : So where are the partners? Oh right, I forgot, vampires hate the sunlight. Rachel : They didn't want to appear desperate. Sandy : So they sent you. Rachel : mmhmm Sandy : Desperation was always your strong suit. Rachel : And yours is...I'm drawing a blank here. *both chuckle* Rachel : Look, the partners are pulling the offer first thing in the morning, unless they hear from you. Sandy : well, tell them thank you very much for the surfboard, however, it did kind of freak out my wife a little bit. You had her believing that I was actually considering this job. Rachel : Which you are. Sandy : Nah. Rachel : As much as i like to flatter myself. and think you're here for the sparkling banter and crabcakes, i know you're interested. Sandy : It's not gonna happen, Rachel. I've been in the PD's office my whole life. It's what i do Rachel : And i'm giving you a platform to do it better. Sandy : The sand dabs are great here. Rachel : Don't you want to see what will happen if you really tested yourself? Not just one more overworked, underpaid ADA? Sandy : I always loved being you. Rachel : You know why? Sandy : Why Rachel : Cause' i was excellent. Which is why i left. I wanted to do more and so do you. Clocks tickin'.. so sand dabs, huh? Sandy : Yup *sandy looks a bit convinced* (cut to jimmy and kirsten) Jimmy : Of course she would be. but telling her, you were totally right. Kirsten :it'll take while Jimmy : i guess it'll take while to get used to this. my swingin' new bachelor pad. This is really the first time i've been a bachelor. i went from you to julie and the rest is.. let me ask you something. do you ever had any doubts? about you and sandy? Kirsten : Well, we have our issues. Jimmy : Do you ever think about what it'd be like if you and i ended up? Kirsten : Sometimes *nods* ahh finished. (comes down the ladder and stumbles into jimmy, and jimmy kisses her.) Kirsten : mm.. uhh. i should go. Jimmy : yeah, i'm sorry that was totally wrong. i'm sorry, look, just because my marriage is falling apart, it doesn't mean i should be bringing yours down, too, i'm sorry. Kirsten : I'm gonna go. Jimmy : i'm sorry. ahh. *looks troubled* (cut to luke and holly at the "boom boom" place, luke's doing A LOT of drinking) Holly : C'mon Luke. Rock that ass up. Luke : Nah, that's cool. Holly : Come on, Marissa's not even coming. Come on, i love this song. (Luke more than happily agrees.. and goes with her to dance, while, marissa, summer, seth and ryan enter the club) Seth : I love authentic mexican culture. (they go to get drinks.. they drink, girls come by and squirt beer into their mouths, while marissa and summer drink from the glass) (luke and holly are upstairs dancing intimately. They start making out, while marissa and ryan + summer and seth go to dance, marissa sees Luke and stares with horror, as summer and seth a couple seconds later. Luke sees marissa and he stops dancing) Marissa : What are you doing? Luke : I'm sorry. Marissa : What that you got caught? (to Holly) Don't ever talk to me again. Summer :[to holly] you are such a bitch! Holly : please, he hooks up with everyone, Luke : Shut up Holly : freshmen girls, girls from moderday, girls from UCI.. Marissa : Is that true? Holly : Marissa! Everyone knows! Everyone! Now you do too! *marissa leaves..crying* Summer : You're so mean! Holly : Summer, I am honest. (Summer starts to run and kick holly's ass but Seth pulls her back) Summer : Her parents are getting divorced, you stupid slut! Seth : She suffers from rage blackouts. (pulls her away) (luke tries to go after Marissa only to be stopped by, guess who, Ryan) Luke : This isn't about you. Ryan : It is now. Luke : Get out of my way. Ryan : You don't deserve her. *ryan punches him in the face* (luke hits someone else and the whole club starts a fight) (summer, seth and ryan leave to find marissa) (outside) Summer : I'll go check the hotel. Ryan : I'll check the streets. Seth : Call me, if you find her. (hotel room) Summer : Thank god, Coop. Marissa : I can't believe I slept with him. Summer: I know, sweetie. I gotta call the guys. Marissa : No, i don't want to see them. I'm just so embarressed. Summer : It's okay. It's just- we'll go home. Marissa : I can't go home, my dad will be gone, my mom will be back, i have- I have no one. Summer : C'mon coop, Let's get out of here. I'll grab our stuff. (summer goes to the bathroom, marissa sees Summer's pills in her purse, takes them out and looks at them) Summer : (in the bathroom calling the guys) Hey it's me. Seth : okay Summer : I found her. Seth : You did? (to ryan) She's at the hotel. Summer : You guys have to get here fast. Seth : Okay. (summer turns off cell phone) Summer : (to Marissa) Hey Coop, you want to get some dinner? what're you in the mood for? (silence) Coop? Coop! (goes out the bathroom and finds her gone. goes outside and meets the guys) Summer : bad news, she's gone. And she took my stepmom's painkillers. (they look at each other as if saying "sh1t" silently) Summer : Should we split up? Ryan : No, let's look together. (all go find her) (Marissa at a bar, drinking, takes out the painkillers and eats like half of the bottle) (cohen's house) Sandy : Hey Kirsten : Hey. What happened at the suits? Sandy : You know, okay. Kirsten : I can't believe summer's almost over. Sandy : ahh, i know. Kirsten : It just goes faster and faster every year. Sandy : So if I did take this job... Kirsten : You've already taken it, haven't you? Sandy: I can still get out of it if you wanted me to. Kirsten : *shakes head* Sandy : To a new season. *clinks glasses* (back to marissa after taking the pills, she's having a really hard time looking, and shaking, and finally leaves the bar) (scenes of Ryan, Summer and Seth, still looking) (marissa staggers all over the place until she finds this alleyway to collapse and falls unconscious) (When Ryan, Summer and Seth finally see her, she's on the ground, and Ryan runs and picks her up, while seth and summer stand there stunned until summer realizes what happens and starts crying on seth's shoulder) (The camera fades while Ryan is still holding her)

Marissa doesn't take her parents' divorce well, and when she finds Luke with Holly during an end of summer trip to Tijuana, she's found passed out in an alley due to a drug/alcohol overdose. Kirsten, upset that Sandy is considering the job, finds herself in a compromising position with Jimmy in his new apartment.

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fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_03x09_0

Prologue: A large park. The camera pans along some flowery foliage until it reaches a pair of green scaly legs firmly planted to the ground and a pair of human legs dangling and kicking from someone pinned high against a tree. The monster makes gurgling noises and low-pitched roars. Cut to Buffy being held against the tree by her neck. The monster's face has tentacles coming off of the back of his head as well as the front in place of lips. His teeth are placed vertically between the two center tentacles. His scaly green skin glistens with slime. Buffy: (yells out desperately) Nnnrrf! Nnnrrf! Near a picnic table Xander is just coming to, apparently having been knocked around by the monster as well. At the table Willow frantically searches through their bag of demon-killing implements. Willow: Oh, God! Demon! Demon! What kills a demon?! Buffy struggles with the monster's hand at her neck, but can't get it to budge and has a hard time breathing. Buffy: Nnnrrf! Nnnrrf! Willow: (still searching) Oh, Nerf! Not Nerf. Knife! She finds a knife and runs with it to Buffy's aid. She tosses the knife to Buffy, who blindly grabs it from behind out of mid-air and stabs the monster in the chest. The monster immediately falls over dead, taking Buffy down with it. Willow and Xander help her up. Buffy: Okay. That was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but... you know what I mean? (takes a deep breath) If you guys hadn't been here to help... Willow: But, we were, and we did, and, and we're all fine. (looks down at the monster) Isn't he gonna go poof? Buffy: Mm, I guess these guys don't. We'll have to bury him or something. Uhhf... They walk over to the picnic table. Buffy: Makes you appreciate vamps, though. No fuss, no muss. Buffy sits cross-legged on one end of the table, Xander sits on the other and Willow sits on the bench below and between them and grabs a drink. Xander: So how come Faith was a no-show? I thought mucus-y demons were her favorites. (munches on a snack) Buffy: Couldn't reach her... again. She hasn't been hanging out much. (reaches for a snack) Xander: I detect worry. Buffy: A little bit. Slaying's a rough gig. Too much alone time isn't healthy. Stuff gets pent up. (munches the snack) Willow: We should try to do more socializing with her. Xander: Well, burial detail aside, does this cap us off for the day? Buffy: You got plans? Xander: I cannot stress enough how much I *don't* have plans. Buffy: No luck reaching Cordelia? Xander: I've left a few messages. Sixty... Seventy... But you know what really bugs me? (to Willow) Okay, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were *ever* gonna kiss. Willow: Darn tootin'! Xander: And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really *all* their fault. Buffy: Your logic does *not* resemble our Earth logic. Xander: Mine is much more advanced. Willow: At least tomorrow's Monday, another school day. Buffy: Well, that's good. You know, focus on school. That's the strong Willow way to heal. Willow: Actually, I was more thinking Oz will be there, and I can beg for forgiveness. Buffy: That works, too. Willow: I-I wanna be strong Willow. But then I think I may never get to be close to Oz again, and it's like all the air just goes out of the room. Buffy: I know the feeling. Xander: Right. I mean, you went through it with Angel, and you're still standing. So tell us, Wise One, how do you deal? Buffy: I have you guys. Cut to Cordelia's bedroom. She's sitting on her bed with the lights very low. She has a picture of herself, Xander, Willow and Buffy all with their arms around each other, and is cutting each person off with a straight vertical cut. She lets the pieces fall into a bowl on a breakfast tray. In the background her answering machine plays back her messages. Machine: Hey, it's Xander. If you get this, call me. The last part of the picture left in her hand is of Xander, and she cuts diagonally right through his face. Machine: Hi! Xander. I, uh... Well, I'm in if you feel like calling. Bye. Cordelia's eyes and cheeks are heavy with tears. She sighs, takes a match and strikes it. She lights Xander's part of the picture. Machine: Hi, Cordelia. Um... If you get the chance, if we could talk, I'm here. She drops the lit piece into the bowl and holds the match to the others. They suddenly all burst into flame. The light of the flame shows just how tired, slagged and haggard Cordelia has become. Machine: Hey again! It's me. I'm here. Again. She watches as the flames consume the image of Xander. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The halls at Sunnydale High School. Willow waits around the corner from Oz's locker, peeking around every few seconds to see if he's arrived, looking very worried. Buffy comes up behind her. Buffy: How's it goin'? Willow: Oz hasn't been to his locker. There may be books in there that he needs, but still, he doesn't come. (looks at the locker) Buffy: Has Xander seen Cordelia? Willow: I don't think so. But she is coming in today. Amy saw her last night at the mall. (looks at the locker) Buffy: How was she? Willow: I don't know. Amy said she looked pretty... scary. Cut to the student parking lot. Cordelia has the top down on her convertible. She steps out looking very hot in a brown leather skirt and jacket with matching top, and alligator high heel d'Orsay pumps with matching bag from Prada. She confidently walks into school. Cut to the breezeway leading to the quad. She walks through, not looking quite as confident anymore since the other students are just passing her by. She stops when she sees Harmony coming her way with some of her friends. When Harmony sees Cordelia, she stops, too, for an instant, but then approaches her, all smiles. Harmony: Cordelia! You look amazing. Cordelia, confidence restored, exchanges a non-touching hug and kisses on both cheeks. Harmony: Oh. You have to meet Anya. (pulls her to the front) She just moved here, and her dad just bought -- what was it -- oh. A utility. Or something. Anya: (to Cordelia) Nice bag. Prada? Cordelia: Good call! Most people around here can't tell Prada from Payless. Harmony: God, Cordy, when I heard about... Well, I mean, I couldn't believe it. But it was smart. You know, the injury thing? You take a week off, let everybody forget about the temporary insanity that was Xander Harris. Cordelia: (raises her eyebrows) Xander who? Harmony: Oh! They all exchange a little fake nervous laughter. Cordette: You know what you have to do. Start dating. Get back on the horse. Cordelia: Oh, absolutely! I am ready to ride! Harmony: Then I have just the stallion. He's *so* you. She leads her over to the outside stairs where Jonathon is sitting, nursing a soft drink. He is taken aback by the sudden attention, and looks around to see if they didn't really mean someone else, but there is no one else. Cordelia realizes she's been had. Harmony: (giggles) I'm pretty sure he won't cheat on you. At least not for a while. Plus, he's got a kill moped. She laughs, and she and her group walk off. Jonathon gives her a sympathetic look, knowing what it's like, and goes back to nursing his soda. Cut to the halls. Oz finally shows up at his locker. As he works his combination, Willow comes around the corner and pretends it's a chance meeting. Willow: Oz! Wow. He stops opening his locker and slowly turns to face her. Willow: Look at us, running into each other, as two people who go to the same school are so likely to do now and then. Oz: Hey. (starts to leave) Willow: (stops him) Oz, wait. Please? He stops and reluctantly gives her his attention. Willow: What I did... When I think that I hurt you... Oz: Yeah. You said all this stuff already. Willow: Right, but... I wanna make it up to you. I mean, if you let me, I wanna try. Oz: Just... You can leave me alone. I need to figure things out. Willow: But maybe if we talk about it, we could... Oz: Look... I'm sorry this is hard for you. But I told you what I need. So I can't help feeling like the reason you want to talk is so you can feel better about yourself. That's not my problem. Willow is left feeling completely helpless. Oz goes on his way leaving her standing there. Cut to the stairs by the student lounge. Cordelia walks down and turns down the hall. She sees Xander come out of the cafeteria at the far end. When he spots her he stops. Cordelia looks for a way to turn this to her advantage, and pulls an old boyfriend out of the crowd. Cordelia: Hey, John Lee. Do I have something caught in my teeth? She smiles to expose her teeth and angles her head up so he can see. She shifts her head back and forth, and John Lee dutifully follows her movements. From a distance it looks to Xander like they are kissing. When he's seen enough, he goes back into the cafeteria. When Cordelia sees that he's gone, she steps back from John Lee. Cordelia: So... What's new? God, it's been, like, a gazillion years! John Lee: (smiles) Look, the guys are kinda down on me lately. Coach has cut me back to second string. If anyone saw me hanging with Xander Harris' castoff on top of that... Death, you know, but... maybe... (makes suggestive eyes) If you wanna go someplace private... Cordelia: (surprised to find the tables turned) What? John Lee: Think about it. (leaves) Cordelia can't believe what a social leper she's suddenly become. She starts back down the hall, and is startled when Anya bumps into her. Anya: (smiles) Hey. Cordelia: Go ahead. Dazzle me with your oh-so-brilliant insults. Just join the club. Anya: Hardly. Uh, actually, I've been looking for you. Ever since we met this morning, I was, like, thank God there's one other person in this town who actually reads W. Cordelia: But Harmony... Anya: Oh, she follows me around. If that girl had an original thought, her head would explode. Cordelia: (notices Anya's pendant) Is that Gucci? Anya: Um... no. It's an actual old thing, sort of a, um... good luck charm my dad gave me. Cordelia: Too bad I didn't have one of those pre-Xander. They start down the hall. Anya: Can I just say... Men. Cordelia: Second it. Anya: Apart from being without class, the guy's obviously blind. Deserves whatever he gets. Cordelia: I'm not even thinking about him. I am past it. I am living my life. Anya: Still, I mean... Don't you kinda wish... Cordelia: I don't wish. I act. Starting now, Xander Harris is gonna get a bellyful of just how over him I am. Cut to the Bronze that night. "Tired of Being Alone", by The Spies, plays in the background. Cordelia is at the bar, dressed sexily in red, pretending to have great conversation with a guy. Behind her sitting on the couch beneath the stairs, Willow and Buffy look glum, while Xander pretends to be having fun, forcing himself to laugh. He looks back at Cordelia, who seems to be enjoying her conversation. Xander looks back at Willow and Buffy and forces out gales of laughter. Willow and Buffy exchange a look, then Buffy gives Xander a creepy look. Xander: Excuse me. I need to be both giving *and* receiving of mirth. Is it too much to ask for a little backup? Buffy: (puts her hand on his knee) I'm here for you, Xand. I'm Support- O-Gal. (takes her hand back) I just... feel a little weird about this us-against-Cordelia thing. She's had a rough time. At the bar Cordelia is still enjoying herself. Willow: It's true. Cordelia *belongs* to the justified camp. She *should* make us pay. And pay and pay and pay... In fact, there's just not enough pay for what we... Xander: (interrupts) Look, you want to do guilt-a-palooza, fine, but I'm done with that. Starting this minute, I'm gonna grab ahold of that crazy little thing called life and let it do its magical little heal-y thing. What's done is done. Let's be in the moment. Behold the beauty that is now. (bounces his eyebrows) Who's with me? Buffy: He's actually making sense. We're young and free in America. How dare we be spun by love or the lack of same? Willow: Absolutely. I-it's self-indulgent. I-I'm in. I'm on the joy train. (smiles) They all put on bright smiles and radiate them into the Bronze. Slowly their luster fades, and they all end up looking glum again. Buffy: That didn't work. Who wants chocolate? Willow and Xander both raise their hands. Buffy: I'm up. She gets up and heads for the cappuccino bar. Xander: Look at her. (indicates Cordelia) Tears of a clown, baby. Or is it... grins of a sad person? (reaches over to Willow in his old familiar way) Or maybe it's... Willow: Xander, your hand. Xander: (jerks back his hand) Oops! Sorry. But why 'oops'? I mean, we always touch digits. It's a friend thing. Comfort. Like chocolate. Willow: (shrugs) Maybe it used to be, but since we... It's different. (Xander looks away) I-I'm sorry. But if I wanna make things right with Oz, my hands, (Xander looks back) my -- all my stuff -- has to be for him only. Xander understands, but he sure isn't happy about it. Cut to the cappuccino bar. While waiting in line, Buffy notices Cordelia talk briefly with Anya and say goodbye. As she goes a boy bumps into her, jostling her wound. She puts her hand over it as she walks out. Buffy decides to follow. Cut outside. Buffy catches up with her. Buffy: Hey, Cordelia, wait a second. Cordelia: (stops and faces her) Did Xander send you to beg for him? Because if he did... Buffy: No. I'm a free agent, I promise. I just wanted to see how you are. Cordelia: Never been better. (starts to go) Buffy: (follows) Cordelia, I know what it's like to be hurt by someone. (Cordelia faces her) Hurt so much that you don't think you're gonna make it. But I told my friends how I felt, and you know what? It got a little better. Suddenly a vampire jumps down behind Buffy and swings at her head, but she middle blocks it and punches him in the face, which sends him to the pavement on his side. Buffy punches him in the face while he's down, reaches for his shirt and yanks him back up to his feet. She spins him around and lets go of his shirt. He staggers backward a couple of steps, but keeps his footing. He advances and does two roundhouse kicks, which Buffy low blocks. He tries a wide punch to Buffy's head, but she ducks it and rises back up to deliver a roundhouse kick to his side. This sends him stumbling backward right at Cordelia. Buffy: Cordelia, look... Cordelia has no time to react, and gets knocked into a pile of garbage. Buffy: ...out. The vampire gets back up to his feet and comes at Buffy, jumping into a half spinning crescent kick, which Buffy easily ducks. She grabs him when he comes at her again and knees him in the stomach, then flips him over onto his back. She pulls out her stake and jams it home. The vampire bursts into ashes. Buffy turns her attention back to Cordelia, who flicks a few pieces of trash from her dress and slowly climbs out of the garbage heap. Buffy looks at her apologetically. Behind her she hears the laughter of a group of girls, so she quickly tosses aside her stake. Harmony and some of her friends walk by, look Cordelia over and keep laughing as they go. After they've gone, Cordelia vents on Buffy. Cordelia: You know what I've been asking myself a *lot* this last week? Why me? Why do *I* get impaled? Why do *I* get bitten by snakes? Why do *I* fall for incredible losers? And you know, I think I've finally figured it out, what my problem is? It's... Cut to the quad at school the next day. Cordelia and Anya walk together. Cordelia: ...Buffy Summers. That's when all my troubles started. (winces in pain and holds her side) When she moved here. Anya: Are you okay? Cordelia: Oh, I just pulled some stitches last night. Know why? (looks in Buffy's direction) Surprise. It was Buffy's fault. Anya follows Cordelia's gaze and sees Buffy and company sitting on a bench. Harmony interrupts Cordelia and Anya. Harmony: Oh, hey, it's Garbage Girl. Loved the look last night, Cor. Dumpster chic for the dumped. She and her troop rudely walk right between Cordelia and Anya, giggling and smiling. Cordelia looks down in embarrassment. Anya takes her pendant off. Anya: Here. I think you need this more than I do right now. Cordelia lifts her hair away from her neck and lets Anya put it on. Cordelia: Yeah, I can use some luck. (eyes Buffy) And a stick with pointy, sharp bits. If that Buffy wasn't... I swear. She's a pain. Anya: But Xander, he's an utter loser. Don't you wish... Cordelia: I never would've looked twice at Xander if Buffy hadn't made him marginally cooler by hanging with him. Anya: Really? (looks over at Buffy) Cordelia: Yeah, I swear! I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale. Anya turns back to Cordelia, who gasps to see that her face has suddenly become very wrinkled and raw-looking, the embodiment of Anyanka, Patron Saint of all women scorned. Anyanka: Done. The picture fades to white. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The picture fades from white back to the quad at Sunnydale High. Cordelia looks around her. Anya is gone. Buffy, Willow and Xander are not sitting at the bench anymore. There are far fewer students in general. The place is, in fact, rather a mess. Garbage and palm leaves are strewn about the quad. Cordelia: Anya? Suddenly she notices that she no longer has her injury. Anya's pendant, however, is still around her neck. Slowly she begins to figure it out. Cordelia: 'I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.' (smiles) She was, like... a good fairy. A scary, veiny... good fairy. (smiles widely) She laughs as she heads into the halls. Cut into the halls. Just like outside, there are far fewer students inside. Everyone is dressed in dark and drab clothing. Cordelia is the standout in her bright turquoise dress. She sees Harmony and her friends at her locker, and hesitates. Harmony closes her locker and sees her. Harmony: Where have you been?! She approaches Cordelia, and her friends follow. Cordelia gives them a careful smile. Harmony: Ted Chervin just totally went for third with Ginger in front of everybody. Cordette: (to Cordelia) Love the dress. It's so daring. Harmony nods in agreement. John Lee walks up to them. John Lee: Cordelia. Cordelia: Yeah? John Lee: (pulls her aside) Look, every guy on campus has probably asked, but if you're not going to the Winter Brunch with anyone, I'd be honored, and we'd have fun. Cordelia: (considers her response) I'll get back to you. John Lee: Really? Cordelia: Yeah. (smiles) John Lee: Great! He heads down the hall, a happy man. Harmony steps over to her. Harmony: Cordy, you reign! Cordelia: I do? I mean, I do. So what's with the Winter Brunch thing? Cut to class. It is less than half full, but even so most of the students sit toward the back. The bell rings. The teacher hurriedly gathers his things. Teacher: Alright. Now, don't forget, tomorrow we have our, uh, monthly memorial, so, uh, there's no class. He rushes out of the room. The students also make a point of getting out of there quickly. Cordelia: What's the rush? Harmony: Oh, you know, my mom hates it when I'm late. Cordelia: Since when? Aren't we going out tonight? (gets up) Cordette: Curfew starts in an hour. Cordelia: Curfew? Come on, I'm in a really good mood! Let's go to the Bronze! Harmony and her friends all stop and give Cordelia a disbelieving look. Harmony: Is that a joke? Cordelia: Oh! The Bronze isn't cool in this reality. I've gotta make these little adjustments. (smiles) Harmony and Cordette exchange a look. Harmony: Cordy, what's with you? (the others leave) I mean, you wear this come-bite-me outfit, you make jokes about the Bronze, and you're acting a little schizo. Cordelia: You're right. I just... Well, I bumped my head yesterday, and I keep forgetting stuff. Not that I care, but Xander Harris, he's miserable, right? And that Willow freak he hangs with, not even a blip on the radar screen, right? (smiles) Harmony: (confused) Well, yeah. They're dead. Cordelia's smile fades, not at all sure how she feels about that. Harmony rolls her eyes and leaves the room. Cut to what Cordelia thinks is the student parking lot. The lot is completely empty and full of fallen leaves. Cordelia: Okay. Not funny. (stops a passing janitor) Hey! You! Where did you put my car? Janitor: Pardon? Cordelia: My auto! El convertablo? Janitor: You students aren't allowed to drive, and you know it. Cordelia: What?! Janitor: Go on now, Miss. You better get in before the sun sets. The janitor hurries off. Cordelia is now very confused. She starts on her way home. Cut to a street in town. The Sun Cinema is closed. The last shop pulls a metal gate across its storefront. The street is dirty. A smashed car just sits in the middle of it. In the distance Cordelia can hear sirens and screams as she walks along. Suddenly Xander appears in front of her, wearing only a white T-Shirt and black leather jacket and pants. She startles and stops short. Xander: Well, whadaya know? Cordelia Chase. Cordelia: What is this? Some kind of sick joke? Harmony told me you were dead. Xander: (plays her game) Now, why would she say something like that? Let's think. Cordelia: Listen to me. We have to find Buffy. She'll figure out a way to save us. She was supposed to be here, and as much as it kills me to admit it... things were better when she was around. Xander: Buffy? The Slayer? Cordelia: No! Buffy the dog-faced girl! Duh! Who do you think I'm talking about? Willow: Bored now. She slowly walks up to them. She is also dressed in black leather. The bodice of her outfit is trimmed in red lace. Willow: This is the part that's less fun. When there isn't any screaming. Cordelia: What's up with you two and the leather? Willow: (to Xander) Play now? Xander: It's not that I don't appreciate your appetite, Will, but I thought we agreed it was my turn. Willow whines and brushes her hand against Xander's chest. Cordelia: No. No! No way! I wish us into Bizarro Land, and you guys are still together?! I cannot win! Xander: Probably not. (vamps out) But I'll give you a head start. Cordelia: (gasps) No! She drops her bag and begins to run. Willow: I love this part. They kiss passionately with lots of tongue. Then Xander turns his attention to the chase. Xander: You love all the parts. Willow follows at a walk as Xander runs after Cordelia. He jumps up, runs over the smashed car and jumps down behind her, grabs her by the neck and throws her down to the street. She rolls to a stop, unconscious. Willow: No fun. She didn't even hardly fight. Suddenly a van comes screeching around the corner. Xander: Aw, swell. It's the White Hats. The van screeches to a stop next to Cordelia, and Giles jumps out with a large cross in hand to ward them off. They have to back away. At the driver's seat Oz has the crossbow trained on them. Larry and Nancy jump out of the sliding door, he with a stake held ready, she with another cross. Giles: I've got them! Get the girl! Larry and Nancy pick Cordelia up and carry her into the van. Xander and Willow growl angrily as they watch their prize being stolen from them. When Larry and Nancy have Cordelia safely inside, Giles hops back in, they slam the doors shut and take off. Cut to the library. Cordelia is laid out on the large center table. Oz: How's she doing? Giles: Her pulse is strong. Nancy: What was she doing wearing that? Everyone knows that vampires are attracted to bright colors. Larry: That's Cordelia. It's better to look good than to feel alive. Giles: Uh, go and, uh, watch the perimeters in case they follow. Cut to the Bronze. "Dedicated to Pain", by Plastic, blares loudly as Xander and Willow approach the club. A couple of the vampires standing outside feast on fresh victims caught out after dark. The two of them go into the club and check out the happenings inside. There are several cages containing terrified humans suspended a few feet from the floor. Willow reaches in to one and strokes his cheek. They head toward the back of the club, past the pool tables where a vampire has a wayward biker tied to all four corners. Xander runs his hand across the man's chest. Xander: (to the vampire) Slap my hand, dead soul man. They shake hands, and Xander and Willow continue into the back. A guard vampire holds the curtain aside for them to enter. When he sees them come in, the Master rises from his throne. His two favored vampires come to stand before him. Master: Ahh. Xander... Willow... Hungry? He grabs a girl by the hair and lifts her by it. The girl remains silent with fear, but keeps her eyes fixed on the Master. Master: (disgustedly) I've lost my appetite for this one. She keeps looking at me. I'm trying to eat, and she *looks* at me. He notices Willow's desire for a kill, and turns the girl's head toward her. Master: Go on! Willow smiles up at Xander, who gives her a look of approval. She turns back to the Master and vamps out. The Master shoves the girl over to her. She catches her in her arms with her head laid back and bites her hard. Xander, as always, is impressed with her zest for a fresh drink. Master: I remember that lust for the kill. (sits back down on his throne) Now... What news on the Rialto? Xander: Had a prime kill. An old crush, actually, till that wannaslay librarian showed up. Master: He'll be dealt with soon enough. Willow comes back to Xander's side, licking her fingers. Xander: Weird thing: girl kept talking about Buffy. 'Gotta get Buffy here.' Isn't that what they called the Slayer? Willow: (strokes his chest) Hmm. Buffy. Ooo. Scary. Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts. Master: (stands up) She talked of summoning the Slayer here, now, at this time, and you didn't kill her? Willow: Well, they had crosses. Master: The plant begins operation in less than twenty-four hours. (steps up to them) You will find this girl. (strokes their cheeks) You will kill her before she contacts the Slayer. Or I'll see you two kissing daylight. Cut to the library. Cordelia groans as she regains consciousness. Giles comes rushing down to her from the stacks and tries to keep her from getting up too fast. Giles: Hey! Hey... Cordelia: (frantic) Giles! It's all my fault! I wasn't... I made this *stupid* wish... Giles: Come on. Please lie... Cordelia: No! You have to get Buffy. Buffy changes it. (Giles lets go of her) It wasn't like this. It was better. I mean, the clothes alone... (Giles takes off his glasses) But people were happy. Mostly. And... Wait. (slides off of the table) Why are you here and she's not? I mean, y-you were her Watcher. Giles is amazed by what he's hearing. Giles: H-how do you know I was a Watcher? I've never... They hear a series of thumps and taps outside. Cordelia: What? Giles looks around carefully and puts his glasses back on. Cordelia: What? Giles: I thought I heard something. He goes into the cage and grabs a large cross and a stake from the weapons cabinet. Giles: Now, I want you to start again and explain everything very carefully. Before he can come out, he finds the cage door slammed shut on him. Willow: You're in a big cage. She taunts him with the key. Xander has Cordelia pinned against him with his hand over her mouth. Willow looks over at him. Xander: Not too bright, Book Guy. Willow turns back to Giles, who slams the cross against the cage, forcing Willow back. She growls angrily. Xander forces Cordelia closer. Xander: So you're a Watcher, huh? (smiles widely) Watch this. He lets go of Cordelia's mouth and sinks his teeth into her neck. Giles rattles the cage hard in protest, helpless to do anything. Willow smiles at him, then turns around and bites Cordelia also on the other side of her neck. Together they suck her dry. Xander reaches his arm around Willow's head and caresses her hair. Giles rages in anger as he is forced to watch. In another moment Cordelia is dead, and Xander pushes her lifeless body aside, letting it fall to the floor. Xander starts out of the library. Willow gives Giles a smile and tosses the key at him as she also leaves. Giles pants heavily as he looks down at the body of the latest victim of these two vampires. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Giles swings at the cage door with a double-bladed battle- ax. It soon gives way and opens, and he rushes out to check on Cordelia. He feels for a pulse, but he's too late. Larry and Oz come running in through the stacks. Larry: They hit us right outside. Giles: Nancy? Oz: She's dead. Giles takes the news as well as can be expected. Giles: Um... Would you mind... Could you take her to the incinerator? I have some business to... Larry and Oz set themselves to their grim task. Oz goes around to get her legs, Larry grabs her by the shoulders. Just as they are about to go, Giles notices the pendant around her neck. Giles: Wait a moment. He takes it off, and the boys carry her body away. Cut to the Bronze. The Master takes a fresh hot demitasse of blood espresso from his machine and sips it. He blows on it and takes another sip. Behind him Xander and Willow report back from their mission. The Master turns to face them. Xander: The deed is done. Master: You killed the girl that sought the Slayer? Xander: It was too easy. Willow: I felt cheap. Master: Excellent. The opening will commence as scheduled. (takes another sip) Willow: (approaches) So, you're pleased? Master: Ecstatic. Willow: Then... can I play with the puppy? Master: Ooo. (smiles) Be my guest. Willow smiles as the Master hands her the keys. Cut to Giles' apartment. He's on the phone with Buffy's Watcher. Giles: Yes, I understand, but it's imperative that I see her. Here. (listens) Well... when will you? (listens) Yeah, well, you are her Watcher. I'd expect her to at least check in to... (listens) Yes, I'm aware that there's a great deal of demonic activity in Cleveland. (listens) It... Well, it happens, you know, that, that Sunnydale is on a Hellmouth. (listens) It, it is so! (listens) Well... Just... Just give her the message, if you ever see her again. (hangs up) Cut to an external view of Sunnydale by day. The camera pans over the red Spanish roofs typical of most of town. In the distance there is a low haze over the ocean. Cut to the Bronze. Cut inside. Willow approaches what can only be described as a jail cell in the basement. Willow: Bored now. She walks over to the wall of whips, chains and other instruments of torture. Willow: Daytime's the worst. (runs her hand over the leather) Cooped up for hours. Can't hunt. She takes a pair of iron shears and clinks it along the bars of the cell. Willow: But the Master said I could play. Inside the figure begins to stir. Willow: Isn't that fun, Puppy? She unlocks the cell door and swings it in. Willow: Aw... Puppy's being all quiet. Come on. Don't be a spoilsport. The man groans as she straddles him. She grabs him by the hair and jerks his head up. It's Angel, and he moans from the rough treatment. He seems constantly short of breath. Willow: Guess what today is? She runs the tip of the shears along his chin and down his throat. Willow: Today the plant opens. It's a big party. She licks him from the base of his ear to his forehead and runs her sharp fingernails along his neck. Willow: You remember I told you about the plant? All those people you tried to save? It's gonna be quick for them. Not for you, though. It's gonna be slow for you. She flips him over onto his back and straddles his stomach. He lets out a painful moan. Willow: That's right, Puppy... Willow's gonna make you bark. (smiles) He cries out when she rips open his shirt to reveal several very deep and bloody wounds on his chest. When she touches them he flinches hard. Willow: Oh... Maybe I went too hard on you last time. Behind her Xander strikes a wooden kitchen match with his thumbnail and tosses it onto Angel's chest. Angel cries out in pain. Xander: Too hard? No such thing. Willow: Watch it with those things. You almost got my hair. Xander: Sorry. Got carried away. He tosses her the large box of matches. Willow: Don't you want to? Xander: No, thanks, baby. I just wanna watch you go. Willow smiles and turns her full attention on Angel. She lights another match, and the screen cuts to black. Angel screams in agony. Cut to the library. Giles is in his office while Oz tunes the crossbow and Larry carves stakes in the main area. Giles: Here it is! I've found it. (comes out of his office) Look. He sets down a book which is opened to a page with a sketch of Cordelia's pendant. Giles: It's what, um, Cordelia was wearing. It's the, the, uh, symbol of, of Anyanka. Oz: I don't think I know her. Giles: Well, no. Um, Anyanka is a, sort of a Patron Saint of scorned women. (sits on the table) Larry: What does she do? Giles: Uh, sh-she grants wishes. Oz: So Cordelia wished for something? Well, if it was a long, healthy life, she should get her money back. Giles: She said something about everything being different, that the... the world wasn't supposed to be like this. It was, um, better. Before. Larry: Okay. The entire world sucks because some dead ditz made a wish? (gets looks from Giles and Oz) I just, I just want it clear. Giles: She said the, uh... the Slayer was supposed to be here, was, um, meant to have been here already. Oz: Certainly would've helped. Giles: Yes. I tried calling her, but, um... (stands up) Look, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna have to... research this Anyanka thing further. Um, I have some more... volumes at, at home. You two, two get some sleep. (goes) Oz: Watch your back. Cut to the street. Giles drives along in his ancient Citroen. As he drives by a park he sees a bunch of people being herded into a stepvan. He stops his car, grabs his large cross and rushes over to help. He holds the cross up to the two vampires, who are forced to back away, and yells to the people in the van. Giles: Run! When the people have all run away, he turns to run back to his car, but a third vampire slams the rear van door into his face, knocking him flat on his back. They try to grab him to load up, but the one at his feet suddenly finds himself flying through the air and landing hard on his back. The other two attack, but meet with similar fates. The first one runs at his attacker again, but gets staked. The attacker grabs another and stakes him. The others flee. Giles looks up at the person standing at his feet. Giles: Buffy Summers? Buffy: That's right. Wanna tell me what I'm doing here? ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Giles' apartment. Buffy looks around, bored out of her mind. Giles is on the stairs looking through a book, and finally finds something. Giles: Ah! Ah! Ah! Yes! (glances at Buffy and stands up) Here. (reads) 'In order to defeat Anyanka, one must destroy her powercenter. (walks down the steps) This should reverse all the wishes she's granted, rendering her mortal and powerless again.' You see? Without her powercenter, she'd j-just be a-a-an ordinary woman again, and all this would be, um... well, different. (gets no reaction) Well, I'd say that my, my Watcher muscles (closes the book) haven't completely atrophied after all. (takes off his glasses) Buffy: (unimpresssed) Great. What's her powercenter? Giles: Um, well, um, um... (glances at the book again) It doesn't say. Buffy: Why don't I just put a stake through her heart? (goes to his kitchen bar) Giles: She's not a vampire. Buffy: Mm, well, you'd be surprised how many things that'll kill. (sniffs a liqueur bottle) Giles: I don't want to kill her, Miss Summers. I want to reverse whatever effect she's had on this, this... world. She puts the bottle back down and turns to face him. Buffy: You're taking an awful lot on faith here, Jeeves. Giles: Giles. Buffy: (shrugs) Kill the bad fairy... destroy the bad fairy's powercenter, whatever, and all the troubles go away? Giles: Yeah, well, I'm sure it's not that simple, but... Buffy: (interrupts) World is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing doesn't change that. Giles: I have to believe in a better world. Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one. She strolls over to his chess table, lifts her right leg up to set her boot on its edge and spits into her hand to literally give it a spit shine. Giles: Cordelia said she knew that I was meant to be your Watcher. She said she knew you. Buffy: (works her spit into the leather) She's probably just a big fan. Giles: The Master sent his most vicious disciples to kill her. Now, she, she must have posed some threat to him. (puts his glasses back on) Buffy: (suddenly attentive) The Master? Giles: Um, supreme vampire around these parts. He, he lives on the outskirts of town in an old club. Buffy: You know where he lives, and no one's ever tried to take him out? Giles: People have tried. Buffy: Well, point the way. I might as well do some good while I'm in this town. (goes to get her weapons) Giles: You can't just walk in there and... Buffy: Look, you wanna stay here and play make-believe, fine. (puts her crossbow strap over her shoulder) I'm not gonna be any help to you anyway. There's only one thing I'm good at. Giles: At least let's muster some kind of force. Buffy: I don't play well with others. Now, I'm gonna ask you this once, and then I'm gonna get testy. Giles gives in and tosses his book onto his desk. Buffy: Where's this club? Cut to the Bronze. Buffy whips aside the curtains and comes out of the Master's sitting area. She strolls through the club and sees the hanging cages, the ropes dangling from the pool tables, and everything for the most part put away as though the place were just closed for the day. Eveything, that is, except for the dead boy in one of the cages. Cut to the stairs to the basement. Buffy comes down quickly and finds the cell where Angel is chained to the wall. He is shivering hard. She looks around a bit as she walks up to the bars. He looks up at her, and a look of recognition appears on his face. She in turn just gives Angel a blank look, turns and starts to walk away. Angel: Buffy. She stops in her tracks. Angel: Buffy Summers. She turns to face Angel and gives him an inquiring look. Angel gets another look at her, and now he's sure. Angel: (weakly) It's you. I mean... you don't remember. How could you? Buffy: How did you know my name? Angel: I waited. I waited here for you. But you never... I was supposed to help you. Buffy: (huffs) You were gonna help me. Angel: (weakly) The Master rose. He let me live... to punish me. I kept hoping maybe you'd come. My destiny. Buffy: (huffs) Is this a get-in-my-pants thing? You guys in Sunnydale talk like I'm the Second Coming. Angel: I'm sorry. I just meant... Buffy: (interrupts) Look, I don't have time for stories. Where's the Master? Angel: They're at his factory. It starts tonight. Buffy: Factory? Angel: (tries to move) I (grunts) I can take you there. Buffy is wary of the whole situation, but decides she can at least give him a chance. She kicks in the door to the cell and approaches Angel. She reaches behind him to get at his chains, but in doing so the cross around her neck hangs down in his face, and he flinches from it. Buffy reacts, jerks back and drops the chains. Buffy: Oh, you gotta be *kidding* me! She stomps out of the cell. Angel: Wait! I won't hurt you. Buffy: (faces him) No. You'll leave that to your Master. Angel: You don't believe I wanna help you? He makes a hard effort to stand up and opens his shirt to show her his wounds. Angel: Believe I want him dead. She stares at his wounds for a long moment. Cut to the Master's factory. The camera pans from a control panel across the crowd of gathering vampires, past a wooden cage full of humans and the machine waiting in front of it, and over to the Master up on a stage. Master: Vampires, come! Behold the technical wonder, which is about to alter the very fabric of our society. Some have argued that such an advancement goes against our nature. They claim that death is our art. I say to them... Well, I don't say anything to them because I kill them. Undeniably we are the world's superior race. (the camera closes in on him) Yet we have always been too parochial, too bound by the mindless routine of the predator. Hunt and kill, hunt and kill. Titillating? Yes. Practical? Hardly. Meanwhile, the humans, with their plebeian minds, have brought us a truly demonic concept: (spreads his arms) mass production! Vampires: (cheer) Yeah! Yeah! Xander: We really are living in a golden age. He is visibly moved by the proceedings. Willow tilts her head toward him and smiles. Cut to Giles' apartment. He has several bags and bowls of various herbs and powders laid out on his chess table. He grabs a couple of them and goes over to his desk with them, where he has a large golden goblet already smoldering. He pulls bits of an herb from a bushel and drops them into the goblet as he recites the ritual to summon Anyanka. Giles: Oh... Anyanka... I-I beseech thee... (puts on his glasses to read) Um... (turns a page) In the name of all women scorned... (adds more herb to the fire) Come before me. He looks around his apartment to see where she might appear. She does so, but in the shadows under the stairs to his loft, where he doesn't notice. Slowly she walks into the dim light of the room. Giles: Oh! (lets out a nervous breath) Anyanka: Do you have any idea what I do to a man who uses that spell to summon me? Giles gazes at her with a look of foreboding. Cut to the factory. Master: Bring on the first! At the cage the vampires shove a couple of the humans back from the gate, lift off the crossbar and open it. Oz realizes what's about to happen, but can't do anything. Two vampires go into the cage and choose a victim. Vampire: You! He points to and grabs Cordette. Xander and Willow look on as she screams and is dragged out. Cordette: Nooo! No! Please! No! Help me! No! Noooo! Some of the men in the cage attempt to resist and help her, but they are easily knocked aside. Once they have her outside, one of them shocks her with a cattle prod. Her body goes limp. The gates to the cage are closed, and the mortals all gather to watch in horror. The two vampires drag her to the end of the machine. One of them lifts her into a long stainless steel pan like the ones used for autopsies and lays her down in it. Master: She's still alive, you see, for the freshness. The machine is turned on, and the pan moves along the conveyor to the blood draining station. On either side are four arms that extend over Cordette, each with a very large needle on the end. They all plunge into her body and begin to suck the blood from it. At one end of the contraption is a tap for sampling the blood, and a glass is filled for the Master to taste. In the cage Larry and Oz watch in disbelief. At the back of the factory Buffy and Angel peek around a corner. On the machine Cordette lets out her last few muffled sounds and dies. Xander and Willow watch with anticipation. Angel: (to Buffy) What's the plan? Buffy: (holds up her stake) Don't fall on this. The glass with the blood sample is passed up to the Master. Buffy and Angel calmly make their way through the crowd of vampires toward the stage. The Master rubs his fingers in anticipation of the first taste of blood from his new machine. The arms extract themselves from Cordette, and the pan with her body moves along the conveyor for disposal. The glass of blood is handed up to the Master. He holds it up to his subjects for a toast. Master: Welcome to the future. Vampires: To the future! To the future! To the future! Buffy raises her crossbow at the Master and fires. Instantly the Master pulls Xander in front of him, and the bolt hits him in the right shoulder. Buffy aims the crossbow at another target, but it gets knocked from her hand. Panic sets in among the vampires. Buffy ducks a wide swing from a vampire. She jumps up and brings her foot down to smash the back of his knee. Angel attacks a vampire by the cage, punches him in the face and shoves him aside. He rushes over to the gate and throws off the crossbar. Willow: (smiling) Uh-oh. Puppy got out. Angel throws open the cage's gate and starts pulling people out. Buffy twists a vampire's arm around, immobilizing him, and does a jumping roundhouse kick to his gut. The crowd of humans streams into the fray. Oz reaches up and breaks a piece off of one of the wooden cage bars. He immediately jams it into the back of a vampire. All around humans and vampires fight. Xander and Willow finally decide it's time to join in and jump down from the stage. Cut to Giles' apartment. Anyanka slowly approaches Giles, who bravely stands his ground. Giles: Cordelia Chase. What did she wish for? Anyanka: I had no idea her wish would be so exciting! Brave New World. I hope she likes it. Cut to the factory. Buffy ducks a swing from a vampire and repeats her earlier maneuver of stomping on the back of his knee. She grabs him by his shirt and throws him over the conveyor. He pulls a section of it over with him. Buffy punches another vampire in the face. Yet another one tries to grab her by the neck from behind, and she spins around and elbows him in the face. As the second one comes at her again, she side steps him and sends him barreling into the third one. Gut to Giles' apartment. Giles: You're gonna change it back. Anyanka finally gets too close, and he takes a couple of steps back. Giles: I'm not afraid of you. Your only power lies in the wishing. Anyanka makes a sudden and hard grab for his neck. Anyanka: Wrong! She lifts him and slams him against a wall. Cut to the factory. Willow swings at Buffy, but misses as Buffy ducks the punch. Buffy backhand punches Willow in the face and follows up with a roundhouse kick to her stomach. Willow falls to the ground. Buffy senses something behind her and turns around in time to backhand punch an incoming vampire. She spins around again, this time to face Xander. She grabs onto his shoulder and yanks his body down to meet her knee, getting him twice in the gut and then in the face. She turns again to find her next target. Xander gets to his feet and comes at Buffy. Angel sees him make his move, and runs to Buffy's aid. Angel: Buffy, look out! Still unaware of Xander's imminent attack, Buffy roundhouse kicks another vampire while holding onto his arm. She lets go of him as he falls. Angel runs past her and uppercuts Xander in the face. Xander in turn lunges at Angel with the crossbow bolt that he's pulled from his shoulder, and impales Angel. Angel turns to face Buffy and grabs his wound. Angel: Buffy... He crumbles to ash. Buffy takes it like he's just another dead vampire, and marches over to another fray to continue the fight. Anyanka: This is the real world now. Cut to Giles' apartment. She still has him pinned to the wall. Anyanka: This is the world we made. Isn't it wonderful? Cut to the factory. Buffy notices a vampire run up behind her and backhand punches him, sending him flying through the air. She turns her attention back to Xander, who is just throwing a man aside. He sees her coming, and advances on her in turn. He swings at Buffy, and she punches his arm away. Taking advantage of the opening, she swings her stake into his chest, and he explodes into ashes. Without a care, Buffy turns back around and starts looking for her next victim. Willow sees her love staked and makes a move toward Buffy, but Larry grabs her by an arm and tries to pull her back. Oz shakes free of a vampire and runs to Larry's assistance, grabbing her by the waist and shoving her back into a broken piece of the cage. She instantly bursts into ashes. Buffy high side kicks a vampire in the face, knocking him to the floor, and turns to face the Master. He slides down the stair railings from the stage and shoves aside the vampire and mortal blocking his way. Buffy begins a determined stride in his direction. The Master shoves more people and vampires aside in his determination to get at the Slayer. Buffy does the same. Cut to Giles' apartment. He is beginning to choke. Just then he notices the amulet around Anyanka's neck begin to glow green, and makes a grab for it, wresting it from her neck. This causes her to let go of him, and he backhand punches her in the face, sending her staggering across the room. Cut to the factory. Buffy and the Master finally meet with swings that middle block each other. Buffy tries to wrap her hands around the Master's forearm. Cut to Giles's apartment. He scrambles to his desk, lays the amulet on it and searches frantically for something to smash it with. He soon has his marble paperweight in his hand. Anyanka gets up from the floor. Anyanka: You trusting fool! How do you know the other world is any better than this? Giles: Because it has to be. Cut to the factory. The Master does a backhand swing, snapping Buffy's head back, dazing her. He grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her to him. Cut to Giles' apartment. He raises the paperweight and starts to swing it down with full force at Anyanka's amulet. Anyanka: No! Cut to the factory. The Master grabs Buffy's head. Cut to Giles' apartment. He swings the paperweight down. Cut to the factory. The Master gives Buffy's head a hard twist, snapping her neck. Cut to Giles' apartment. He swings the paperweight further down. Cut to the factory. Buffy's expression is blank as she begins to sink to the floor. Cut to Giles' apartment. He smashes the paperweight onto Anyanka's amulet. It shatters into thousands of pieces and emits a burst of green light. Cut to the factory. The Master watches as Buffy's body begins to fall, then moves on. The picture fades to bright white. The picture fades from white back to the quad at Sunnydale High School and Cordelia making her wish. She no longer has Anya's pendant around her neck. Cordelia: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale. Anya turns back to face Cordelia. Anya: Done. She is taken aback when nothing happens, not yet quite aware that she is no longer immortal. Cordelia: That would be cool! No, wait. I wish Buffy Summers had never been born. Anya: Done! She is surprised that nothing's happening. She looks down at herself in confusion. Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. (smiles, starts to walk away) *And* that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair. Anya: (tries again) Done! The camera follows Cordelia to where the gang is sitting. Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind... Giles walks past the group and makes a point of checking his watch. They all just smile at him and nod. Cordelia: ...disappear off the face of the earth. That would be *so* cool! Or maybe... The camera pulls in on Xander, Buffy and Willow smiling and talking cheerfully among themselves.

Cordelia's pain over Xander's betrayal summons Anyanka ( Emma Caulfield ), a vengeance demon who grants wishes to scorned women. Cordelia wishes that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale, and constructs an alternate reality where the Master ( Mark Metcalf ) rose from the dead and the Harvest took over Sunnydale. Giles discovers this in the alternate reality and realizes he is able to reverse the events.

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VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Keith then Veronica stand over Lilly's body (from 101 Pilot). VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered. Keith interrogating Jake (pictures from 102 "Credit Where Credit's Due", sound new). VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dad told Jake Kane, the most powerful man in town that he was sure that he was somehow involved in his own daughter's death. Veronica and Duncan kissing as they walk up the hallway (from 101 Pilot). VERONICA VOICEOVER: Duncan Kane. He used to be my boyfriend. Logan taunting Veronica by sitting on Duncan's lap from the same episode. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And let's not forget Logan Echolls. His dad makes twenty million a picture. Aaron with arm around Logan (from 106 "Return of the Kane"). AARON: Smile, Logan. Don't forget, these folks pay for all of this, huh? Weevil and Logan facing off at Dog Beach (pictures and sound from 102 "Credit Where Credit's Due", except for Logan adding "Weevil" at the end of his first line). WEEVIL: What the hell do you think you're doing on our beach? LOGAN: Am I supposed to apologise? Am I supposed to shake in my boots, Weevil? WEEVIL: Maybe. LOGAN: Look around you, man. It ain't fifteen on four tonight. RANDOM 09ER: That's right. Veronica at Lianne's safety deposit box (from 105 "You Think You Know Somebody"). VERONICA VOICEOVER: All this time, I've been thinking Mom bolted because she couldn't handle losing everything. Maybe she just couldn't handle losing me. Cut to Wiedman leaving his house with Veronica following him to Kane Software. She watches from the car (from 109 "Drinking the Kool-Aid" except for last lines of both of Veronica's voiceovers which are new). VERONICA VOICEOVER: Clarence Wiedman. The man who took surveillance photos of me. The ones with me framed in a gun sight. WIEDMAN: You've reached Clarence Wiedman, Head of Security, Kane Software. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And there it is. I know who's responsible for scaring Mom away from Neptune. Her former lover, Dad's nemesis, Jake Kane. End previously. Open on the Mars' apartment. Backup is on the couch watching "The Year Without a Santa Claus" on television. Veronica and Keith are decorating a small Christmas tree. TV: It is okay, will you make it snow? TV: Sure thing. Don't get your hopes up. You'll never get anywhere with that one. TV: We'll have to try. Veronica sorts ornaments from a small box on top of the television. VERONICA: The downside to being an only child? You know all the scary handmade ornaments are yours. Ooh, this concerns me. She picks out a reindeer face made of three Popsicle sticks and heads over to Keith and the tree. KEITH: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You gotta put another Padres ornament over there. Keith reaches into another box and hands Veronica an ornament. Veronica looks at him sceptically. KEITH: What? They should be spread out so it's even. VERONICA: You know, there are some people who think Christmas is about the birth of Christ, and not baseball. KEITH: Well, we're all entitled to our own religions, Veronica. VERONICA: So what do you want for Christmas. KEITH: Your love and respect. VERONICA: Seriously, if you could have anything, for Christmas, anything? KEITH: I want you to save your money. Veronica looks disappointed but Keith's attention is caught by the music coming from the TV. KEITH: Oh hey, hey, hey, oh, it's our favourite part. The animated figures on the TV go into the "Heat Miser" song. Keith grabs the remote to turn up the volume and puts his arm around his daughter, who giggles. SONG: I'm Mr Green Christmas, I'm Mr Sun Cut to Weevil, sitting at a poker table, none too happy to be listening to a drunken Duncan singing the same song, particularly when Duncan massages his bald pate. Weevil slaps his hand off and Duncan moves on to the next player, Connor, putting a hand on his shoulder. Connor is more indulgent. Logan is watching his friend, grinning, as Duncan, bottle of whiskey in hand, makes his way to his place at the table. DUNCAN: I'm Mr Heat Blister, I'm Mr 101 They call me Heat Miser Whatever I touch starts to melt in- As Duncan takes another slug from the bottle, Logan grabs it away from him. He bangs the bottle down on the table and puts a large unlit cigar in his mouth. LOGAN: You start singing, you stop drinking. DUNCAN: Aww. Duncan slumps into his chair, sorry for himself. The final member of the poker party, Sean, watches impassively. WEEVIL: You know, you look pretty comfortable with that thing in your mouth. LOGAN: [Caressing the cigar] Savore Cubano. You people can handroll like nobody's business. The others laugh and Logan sticks the cigar back in his mouth. Logan bets. LOGAN: Five hundred. WEEVIL: Call. Duncan groans as he reaches full length across the table for some nuts. He notices Sean is drinking beer from a wide-mouthed bottle. DUNCAN: Sean, isn't that ghetto brew beneath you? SEAN: It's the new me. I am projecting a ghetto aesthetic. [Leaning towards Weevil] Word. CONNOR: Man, where were you when I was playing the metrosexual in "Lonely Season"? SEAN: I was in high school, not getting paid a quarter of a million dollars to make out with Selma Blair, Connor. LOGAN: Don't cry now. Logan pushes all his chips into the pot. DUNCAN: Ooo-hoo. LOGAN: All in. He looks at Weevil expectantly. Weevil calls. WEEVIL: Boo hoo. Logan throws down his hand triumphantly. SEAN: Woo! LOGAN: Whoo! Weevil lays out his cards. LOGAN: Oh damn. They are not as good as Logan's. Logan is extremely smug. LOGAN: So let's see here. There are 42 cards remaining and I can win with 40 of them. I can win with an ace. I can win with a Jack. Will she be the ten and give me the straight? Or will I get the high kicker out of my Jack. Pins and needles. WEEVIL: Just flip the card. LOGAN: Okay. [Sings] But the river's gonna get ya. Logan slaps the card down on the table. LOGAN: Boom. The others at the table laugh as they see the two of hearts, one of the two cards with which Logan couldn't win. Weevil smirks and the cigar in Logan's mouth droops. DUNCAN: I can't believe he beat you with a pair of twos. WEEVIL: I'd like my five grand now. LOGAN: Sean, the money box so I can pay the pool boy. Sean slides a wooden chip box across to Logan. Logan opens it. The money is gone. WEEVIL: No. No, no, no, no. You guys aren't pulling any of that with me. LOGAN: Weevil, I'm not pulling anything. Where's the money? Guys, where's the money? WEEVIL: [Shouts] Where is it? LOGAN: Guys, where's the money? SEAN: Did it fall out? CONNOR: How could it fall out? WEEVIL: Maybe it was never in, huh? LOGAN: You know, I rolled the money up and put it in the box. You all saw me. WEEVIL: Well, I'm not leavin' here without my money. Now...do I have to turn each of you upside-down and shake you? The rest of the players look uncomfortable. Cut to Logan and Duncan in matching reindeer boxer shorts and nothing else. Sean and Connor are also down to their underwear. As Sean passes Logan and Duncan, he spots the boxers. SEAN: Did you guys call each other? Weevil, back to the group, lifts a Faberge Egg from a bookcase, sticking it in his jacket. He turns back to the others, now lined up in their underwear. Logan still has the cigar in his mouth. WEEVIL: This isn't over. I'll be collecting a grand from each of you, one way or another. Weevil reaches the sliding glass doors of the Echolls pool house and looks back at the semi-naked group. WEEVIL: You picked the wrong guy to rip off. Weevil leaves. Sean sinks into one of the chairs. SEAN: This is the worst game of strip poker ever. Opening credits. Veronica and Wallace walk out of the school administration office and continue on through the bedecked hallway. VERONICA: Check it out. WALLACE: You know this is for a baseball camp, right? It's not like a hot guy catalogue. VERONICA: Do they have a hot guy catalogue? WALLACE: Attend a week long Padres fantasy camp at their first class training site. VERONICA: It's a perfect Christmas present for my dad. WALLACE: In a world where you can afford three grand. Coming to a halt in the middle of the hallway. VERONICA: Oh, I am so sick of not having money. Wallace sympathetically pats his chest with his hand. VERONICA: I'd be the best rich person. Seriously. I'd be the perfect combination of frivolous and sensible. Money is so wasted on the wealthy. Duncan barges in between them, focused on Weevil ahead. DUNCAN: [Angry] I want my laptop, now. WEEVIL: How does it feel to want? DUNCAN: [Grabbing Weevil by his shirt at the shoulders] I am not screwing around. It's a bad move as the intervention of four of Weevil's biker boys confirms and Duncan is shoved up and held against the lockers. DUNCAN: I didn't take your money. WEEVIL: Someone did. Veronica creeps closer to see what's going on. DUNCAN: [Offscreen] Well, it wasn't me. WEEVIL: Let him go. RANDOM BIKER: Lay off. Weevil and his boys wander off, leaving Duncan fuming. Veronica approaches. VERONICA: Someone stole your laptop? DUNCAN: There was this poker game at Logan's last night. Weevil won five grand and someone stole the money. This is his way of collecting. VERONICA: You lie down with dogs, you're gonna get fleas. DUNCAN: I didn't invite him. VERONICA: I wasn't talking about Weevil. Veronica walks away and Duncan follows. DUNCAN: Hey, this kinda concerns you. VERONICA: I don't see how. DUNCAN: I keep a journal on my laptop for the past, I dunno, three years. There was a time when you were kind of a feature. VERONICA: [More in hope than expectation] A feature with a cleverly disguised pseudonym? DUNCAN: Let's just say...I was prolific. Duncan walks off as Veronica stares worriedly after him. VERONICA VOICEOVER: There are a million things Duncan could have written about me that I'd sooner impale myself on a rusty spike than have someone else read. I must get that computer back. Cut to a darkened classroom with stuffed chairs and beanbags (last seen in 109 "Drinking the Kool-Aid). Weevil and his boys are all sitting on the floor and appear to be playing craps. Veronica enters. The bikers seem to have anticipated it. Veronica cocks her head. VERONICA: Hey. Weevil laughs. WEEVIL: See, there you go with that head-tilt thing. You know, you think you're all badass but whenever you need something it's all, [tilts his head] "hey". VERONICA: Just be glad I don't flip my hair. I'd own you. WEEVIL: So what can I do for you? VERONICA: You can not get busted stealing 09er stuff and let me handle this poker thing? Weevil chuckles. VERONICA: Seriously. Why risk it? Give Duncan back his computer. Let me handle this. WEEVIL: Could you, please, Veronica? Protect me from the big, bad, sweater vest-wearing rich boys? VERONICA: I'm just trying to help. WEEVIL: In what alternate universe does it look like I need your help, huh? Veronica throws up her hands to say "Forget it" and goes to walk out. WEEVIL: Of course, if I get my five grand, some of those guys will stop losing their stuff. VERONICA: Why were you even there? WEEVIL: [Standing] I hear about a five thousand dollar card game played by idiots, I'm interested. Flashback. Logan is crouched down at his locker, his books on the floor. A foot steps on his books. The camera pans up to Logan as he looks up, then lets out a deep breath. LOGAN: If you're asking me to the prom again, the answer is still no. The foot belongs to Weevil who looms over him. WEEVIL: I heard you got a card game going on. I'd like in on it. LOGAN: [Standing and facing him] Yeah? I'm sure you would but I can't. WEEVIL: A thousand dollar buy in, right? Logan shakes his head and walks away. WEEVIL: I got the money so what's the problem? Logan pauses and turns back to face Weevil. LOGAN: Look, my only concern is property values going down if anyone sees you in my house without a leaf blower or a skimmer. WEEVIL: You're concerned? I'm the one who's gotta go up into the hills, all by myself. What if I run into a pack of you white boys, huh, on some clean, well-lit street? I could be bored to death. LOGAN: Fine. It's a thousand dollars in ten crisp one hundred dollar bills. Weevil smiles and turns to walk away. LOGAN: We don't take food stamps. WEEVIL: [A la surfer dude] Ouch! You got me. Return to Weevil in the present. WEEVIL: He though I was just some dumb Mexican he could take for his cash. VERONICA: Who do you think did it? Did Logan do it? WEEVIL: Well, I know for a fact that nobody left the house with the money. He could've hidden it anywhere and he had an opportunity. Flashback to the poker game. Logan throws down a card in disgust. The music, some lyrics muted, is "Little Bit More" by Tony C and the Truth. SONG: That's lovely I thought she was a nasty girl, and I was right She's tying cherries up in knots with her tongue I said I wish I may, I wish I might Break me off a little some Body left the lights on at the Motel 6 Baby came complete with a whole bag of tricks Brought the cuffs, but she left the key Showed me sh1t I ain't never even seen I did it one time and I liked it So I did it two times got addicted Had to do it three times couldn't help it And the number four time was the best She showed me how it was supposed to go Now give me a little bit more Just a little bit more Connor rejoins the table. CONNOR: Sean won again? LOGAN: Well, you miss a lot when you go to the bathroom every five seconds. SEAN: Tip money for the guy who washes my Jag. DUNCAN: Dude, you don't even have a licence. LOGAN: Dude, why does he need a licence when he has a [gestures a twirly moustache] chauffeur? SEAN: Can it be considered an embarrassment of riches if I'm not embarrassed? Thoughts? Weevil's face makes it clear he thinks Sean is an asshole. Sean spots something outside. SEAN: Hot chick, poolside, bikini. DUNCAN: Hi-yoo! Everybody except a somewhat dejected Logan gets up to walk to the sliding doors and look out. CONNOR: Dude, is that your mom? The pool is lit from the bottom and shines in the dark night. Lynn is framed against its light and the lights from the house. She's in a bikini, crouched, testing the water. SEAN: [Offscreen] Here's to you, Mrs Echolls. Sean drinks as Duncan, nose pig-shaped pressed against the glass,nods drunkenly. LOGAN: [Offscreen] And all of you are going to rot in hell. Lynn stands by the side of the pool and stretches. WEEVIL: [Offscreen] I'll go to church every day if this is her nightly skinny dip. Sean and Duncan continue to watch Lynn. SEAN: Please jump off the diving board, please jump off the diving board. Lynn dives into the pool from the side. SEAN: [Offscreen] Oh god, I love your mother. The other three guys make similarly appreciative noises. Weevil looks back at Logan who is painfully acknowledging the inevitability of it. Weevil has the grace to be a little chagrined. Cut back to the present as Veronica and Weevil walk down the hallway. VERONICA: Duncan was at the window? WEEVIL: Everybody but Logan was. VERONICA: You're sure? WEEVIL: I wasn't taking notes, but yeah. The money was in that house, somewhere. I would've torn the place apart if I didn't think he'd call the cops. Weevil walks off. Cut to Mars Investigations. Legs in heels walk in. Keith looks up from his desk, hearing the clack of high-heels. Lynn Echolls appears in his door. LYNN: I don't have an appointment. I was hoping you were available. KEITH: I am. I'll clear that for you. Keith, having risen, walks round and clears the chair in front of his desk. KEITH: How are you, Lynn? LYNN: [Sitting] Honestly, I, uh, am a little freaked out. My husband gets a lot of disturbing letters from fans. He's a very handsome man and people get obsessed. KEITH: [Sitting on the desk next to her] Everybody has their cross to bear, huh? LYNN: Well, this one's different. I found this on our breakfast table in our house. Lynn hand the letter to Keith who reads it aloud. KEITH: Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater, had a wife and couldn't keep her. LYNN: Can you find her and keep her away from us, I mean, obviously she's crazy. KEITH: Not necessarily a she. Do you keep all the threatening letters? LYNN: I try to. Aaron throws them out but I thought we might need them. KEITH: I'd like to see them if I may. Just to determine if this is the first letter. Can I come by this afternoon? Lynn gets up and starts to leave, then turns back to face Keith. LYNN: Perfect. I know this goes without saying but discretion's paramount. KEITH: Of course. LYNN: It's been a long time, Keith. KEITH: Well, our kids don't seem to hang out together much anymore. LYNN: Logan's had a tough time with Lilly's death. KEITH: Understandably, but so has Veronica. They nod at each other in understanding. Cut to the darkened journalism room where Duncan is bent over some proofs on a lightbox. Veronica leans up next to him. VERONICA: Good news? I might be able to get your laptop back. DUNCAN: So what is this, like a case? VERONICA: Yeah, like the case of the guy who's too lazy to hand write his journal like every normal person. Duncan laughs. Veronica stands. VERONICA: So, any details you can give me? DUNCAN: You're serious. VERONICA: Were you a little surprised that Weevil was even there? DUNCAN: As a matter of fact, I was. Flashback to the poker game. Duncan arrives as Logan is counting the cash. DUNCAN: Just want to let you know. I am in fact, feeling lucky. CONNOR: What's up, buddy? He and Connor shake. Duncan approaches the table and Logan holds out his hand for the money. Duncan is surprised when he looks across the table. DUNCAN: Hello. [Handing his cash to Logan] You're not Chester. Weevil doesn't respond. Duncan sits in the chair next to Logan who leans over to him. LOGAN: Hey, don't worry, okay. There's no way in hell I'm letting Weevil walk out of here with our money. Logan picks up a chocolate, offering it to Duncan. Duncan nods and opens his mouth to receive. Logan sticks it in his own mouth and Duncan snaps his shut and nods at the joke. Logan puts a rubber band round the money roll, holds it up for everyone to see, and throws it into the empty chips box. Cut to the present. VERONICA: Do you think Logan invited Weevil there to steal his money. DUNCAN: Invited him there to steal his money? No. VERONICA: But? DUNCAN: [Hesitates] Nothing. Cut to the 09er table outside. Sean, Duncan and some others are sitting while Logan and a few others stand around them. They're eating Chinese food and have chopsticks. SEAN: That's what he decides to steal? What's he going to do with a Faberg Egg? LOGAN: Two words, man. Huevos. Rancheros. Everybody laughs appreciatively, except Duncan. LOGAN: Hey, this is what I get for trying to be nice. Logan slides in next to Duncan who looks cross. DUNCAN: Is that so? Duncan scrambles up from the table to Logan's consternation. He follows him. LOGAN: You got something to say to me, you say it. DUNCAN: Did you take the money? Logan doesn't deny it and Duncan storms off. Logan follows again. LOGAN: You were so drunk, you wouldn't know if Kris Kringle walked in and took the money. DUNCAN: When did you get like this? It's like you've been going over to the dark side, bit by bit, so slowly that I didn't notice when you morphed into a full fledged jackass. LOGAN: Then I'm a jackass? DUNCAN: Yeah, and I'm over it. Duncan leaves him standing again. Logan calls after him. LOGAN: So what, are we breaking up now? Huh? You want your best friend charm back? Beneath the gibes, Logan is upset. Cut to the Echolls home. A servant is placing a star atop a large artificial tree. Lynn watches with Keith at her side. LYNN: I try to make each Christmas as special as I can. Carlita, [points] bald patch. CARLITA: Si, senorita. KEITH: Well, I went through the letters you gave me and I'm fairly certain that the stalker who left the letter inside had sent six previous letters. Lynn is more intent on her decorations than on Keith. LYNN: Is it bad? KEITH: I'm very concerned that this stalker has escalated to home delivery. LYNN: I have 200 guests coming here tomorrow night and now I have to deal with this? KEITH: I recommend you cancel the party. LYNN: I've hired plenty of security. KEITH: Well, what about these people? You have ten people wandering freely around your house right now. Do you even know them? LYNN: Of course. They're the help. AARON: [Entering, singing] Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la He spots Keith. Keith! Lynn didn't get you over here about that letter, did she. I get letters like that all the time. KEITH: Well, I still thinks it's wise to use extra caution. Aaron puts his arm round Keith's shoulder and steers him to the door. AARON: Well, I'll keep that in mind. Look, I'm sorry we bothered you about this. It's nothing. Trust me. I mean that sort of thing is perfectly normal. He opens the double doors. On top of a large decoration gift box is a pumpkin. Aaron's face has been carved into it and a knife is sticking deep into the forehead, with red food dye dripping down the face. KEITH: Normal? Aaron doesn't know what to say. Cut to Keith back in his office. He is on the telephone. KEITH: Oh, I was wondering if you did pumpkin carving. [Pause] Yes, I'm aware that it's Christmas. [Pause] You know, I already have a gingerbread house, but thank you. He puts down the receiver and crosses through his list. Veronica enters. VERONICA: Making a list and checking it twice. Is there a side job I should know about? KEITH: Do we not live in California. Isn't there produce available 365 days a year? VERONICA: Well, at least now I know what I'm getting you. KEITH: Hey, do you have a minute to run by the Echolls house for me? I need Lynn to sign a few papers. Keith gives her an envelope which she ponders for a moment. VERONICA: Sure. Veronica leaves with the envelope. Cut to the back of the Echolls' house. Veronica walks past the pool and into the pool house. The place is in a mess. Logan is there, playing a video game. He doesn't notice her. LOGAN: Come on. VERONICA: I love the smell of testosterone in the morning. Logan looks over at her. LOGAN: This is why I suggested attack dogs. But no, my mother wanted an alpaca. Veronica gets the envelope out of her bag. VERONICA: My father sent me with paperwork for your mom. LOGAN: And you just wanted to say hi? It's a good thing I didn't have my slam book out. VERONICA: I wanted to ask you about the game. LOGAN: I've been meaning to ask you something. Logan gives up on the video game and gets up from the chair, heading around the bar to the coffee maker. LOGAN: Did your super-sleuth kit come with a decoder ring? Do you have a pen that writes with invisible ink? Never mind, don't care. Mush! Mush! Logan gestures for her to leave. With exasperation, Veronica turns to go. LOGAN: Hey, uh, wait. Hey! Veronica pauses by the glass doors. LOGAN: Maybe you should talk to Connor. She surprised and walks back towards Logan. VERONICA: Larkin? Like, Connor Larkin? LOGAN: He's a mortal, believe me. They just draw his abs on. VERONICA: Is he doing another movie with your father? LOGAN: You know, I don't know if it's so much a movie as a fifty million dollar crap pile. VERONICA: Why would Connor steal the money? He's a zillionaire. LOGAN: Well, everybody's got their issues, right? Logan puts a finger to his nose and sniffs loudly. LOGAN: Plus, the guy's got something against me. Flashback to the poker game. Ozomatli's "Saturday Night" plays in the background. SONG: Dip, dive, socialize Get ready for the Saturday night Dip, dive, socialize Get ready for the Saturday night Dip (dip), dive, socialize Get ready for the Saturday night Dip, dive, socialize Get ready Uhh, imagine Waking up, solidarity is evident Harmony moves, time is irrelevant People, the places, the message basic From raise fists to sit-ins, resist the change Peep the scenario, to the future bro 2020 and some number a year ago People rose up, governments froze up Worldwide block party, everybody shows up The guys chat. WEEVIL: So, what's Catherine Zeta-Jones like? SEAN: She likes to read to starving children and bake home scones, this according to "The Insider". CONNOR: I only met her in passing. LOGAN: It's not like your people, they don't all know each other. Weevil smiles and nods. CONNOR: Dude, what's up with that? LOGAN: What? CONNOR: That's like the tenth racist thing you've said. LOGAN: Oh my god! Does the soapbox come with the SAG card? The others smirk. CONNOR: Or is it because Rosie Perez thought you were a girl? WEEVIL: What? Wait, wait. This I gotta hear. CONNOR: No, no. When Logan was like ten, he was madly in love with Rosie Perez. LOGAN: You so don't know what you're talking about, man. CONNOR: Aaron arranged for her to come to his birthday party. It was like this big moment. She walks in with this gift and she's like [mimicking Rosie] "Happy birthday, little Lauren". Everybody laughs, except Logan. LOGAN: [Not amused] That's funny. Really hysterical. CONNOR: Oh, dude, she got you a purse! That causes even more laughter. SEAN: Connor, you really are like the son Aaron Echolls never had. Logan shoots Sean a nasty look as that one hits home. A cell phone goes off. Connor pulls it out of his pocket and stands. WEEVIL: So wait, wait. Do you still have the purse. Connor heads for the toilet amongst the fresh bout of laughter as Logan stares daggers at his back. Cut to the present. LOGAN: So unless his Pavlovian response to a downloaded ringtone is to urinate, then he was up to something. Or, his bladder's as small as his brain. VERONICA: I would be more than happy to question him. I've a feeling he's not the easiest person to get to, probably has a team of bodyguards to protect him from girls like me. Logan is already using his cell. LOGAN: I honestly don't get it. [Into the phone] Hey man. It's, uh, Logan Echolls. Yeah. Hey, listen, can you get, uh, my friend [a pauses to throw an ironic grin at Veronica] a drive-on today to see Connor? Yeah, Veronica Mars. No, Veronica, 'V' as in 'virgin'. Yeah. He finishes the call. LOGAN: There you go. VERONICA: Look at you, all helpful. LOGAN: Hey, your peskiness being unleashed on Connor brings me joy. Veronica marches out. Logan follows. LOGAN: Annoy, tiny blonde one. Annoy like the wind! He gestures and blows as she goes, then turns back into the pool house, more serious. Cut to a clapperboard for "Vector Force Ten". It's the 11th October according to the board and Jeffrey Ellis and Victor Hammer are cited on it. It claps and drops as the girl holding it moves aside to show a helicopter. DIRECTOR: Action! The door of the helicopter opens and three commando types jump out, guns raised. They run off. Veronica watches. DIRECTOR: All right, not bad, that's a cut. Let's set it up to go again please. Veronica walks over to Connor who is inspecting his stomach. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I don't know if Connor's smile cost a million, but his six-pack abs are worth at least double that. Damn. I repeat, damn. CONNOR: Too shiny? VERONICA: Uh, no. CONNOR: My helicopter gets shot down mid-flight so I'm supposed to be sweaty but I don't want to be gross. VERONICA: I think you're good. CONNOR: So, uh, let me guess. You want to be an actress. VERONICA: No, no. I'm just your standard issue fan. Logan told me you were at the poker game and CONNOR: Oh, yeah, that was fun. VERONICA: I heard it got a little weird. Someone stole all the money? CONNOR: Yeah. And I feel sorry for the kid who won, too. He was pretty cool. He was real, you know what I'm saying. VERONICA: Any idea who took it? CONNOR: It could have been anyone. He gestures for her to sit and they sit on a couple of high director chairs. A hair/makeup person immediately starts work on Connor's hair. VERONICA: As I understand it, no one left the room and it wouldn't have been possible for anyone to walk out with cash on them. CONNOR: You know what? There was one guy who left the room with cash. Flashback to the poker game. "CampFire" by Starling Electric plays. A pizza delivery man stands at the doors to the pool house. Duncan is struggling to get his wallet out of his pocket. LOGAN: How can you play cards when you can't even get your wallet out of your pocket. Logan grabs it in frustration. CONNOR: And how does he keep winning hands? DUNCAN: At least I take out of my wallet unlike some cheap ass people. SEAN: If I didn't know better, Duncan, I'd think you were speaking ill of me. DUNCAN: Dude, you get dropped off in a town car and you can't even chip in for beer. SEAN: I happen to enjoy my ghetto brew affectation. Quenching. DUNCAN: You enjoy being a tightwad. While this is going on, Logan pays the delivery man. LOGAN: Thanks for coming in. PIZZAMAN: Thank you. DUNCAN: Wait, how much did you tip him? LOGAN: Dude, I don't know, a couple bucks. DUNCAN: Dude, the bill was fifty, that's like four percent. LOGAN: Look who's got beer brains. Weevil hands Duncan some cash. WEEVIL: Here man. LOGAN: It's a kindler, gentler Weevil. Duncan hands over some more money. WEEVIL: It's Christmas, even for delivery guys. LOGAN: Pa rum pum pum. Cut back to present. Connor is swishing a tea bag in cup. CONNOR: You know, really anyone could have gotten his hands on the money box. There were plenty of times. Bathroom breaks, beer breaks VERONICA: Lynn Echolls' breaks. CONNOR: Oh yeah, you heard about that one, huh? He takes out the tea bag and throws it towards the rubbish. It misses. His cell rings. CONNOR: Hm. Aw, it's my agent. Can you excuse me? Connor exits and Veronica gets her phone out and uses it. VERONICA: Wallace, are you still in the attendance office? [Pauses then rolls her eyes] It's a small favour. Teeny. Sean Friedrich's home address. I want to send him a Christmas card. Veronica walks as she talks, glancing back at Connor appreciatively from time to time. Cut to Aaron playing tennis. Keith stands at the side. KEITH: Hey. I was hoping we could have a quick conversation in private. AARON: Brian's cool. You can talk freely in front of him. KEITH: Aaron, were you with anyone last Halloween that might be harbouring some resentment or ill will? Aaron stops playing. AARON: No. KEITH: Ah, I was thinking that the, you know, the Aaron'o'lantern had some significance. A spurned lover, perhaps. He reaches Keith. AARON: I'm faithful to my wife. As a matter of fact I was with Lynn last Halloween at the Casablancas annual costume party. KEITH: I'm just making sure, you understand. AARON: Well, I appreciate that. KEITH: Don't want to stir up any muck. AARON: Well, there's no muck to stir. Having just taken a drink from a bottle, he throws it back in an ice bucket and goes back onto the court. Keith looks sceptical. Cut to Veronica outside a door with a large Christmas wreath on it. The door opens. VERONICA: Mr Friedrich? MR FRIEDRICH: Good afternoon. VERONICA: Good afternoon. Is Sean home? MR FRIEDRICH: He's not available. VERONICA: It will just be a minute. MR FRIEDRICH: Sean is not permitted to receive visitors at home. VOICE FROM INSIDE: Mr Friedrich. Mr Friedrich shuts the door. Cut to a large gingerbread house being decorated. The camera pulls back to show Keith in the kitchen of a caterer, counters full of Christmas goodies. KEITH: I spoke with Sadie Casablanca and she said you catered her Halloween party last year. CATERER: I cater it every year. KEITH: Anything special about this party? CATERER: I really can't talk about the events we do. It's in the contract. KEITH: Is that so? You should know. I was told you had the bad taste to fire someone that night. CATERER: She did not say bad taste. Like I had a choice. Servers were restricted to the first floor as always. But one server snuck off upstairs to find an available bathroom. Aaron Echolls insisted that the girl be fired. KEITH: Aaron wanted her fired because she was on the second floor of somebody else's house? CATERER: That and someone else's wife was on top of him, KEITH: Wait. You're saying Aaron Echolls was with another woman the night of the Halloween party. CATERER: While his wife was downstairs eating canaps. Keith sighs. Cut to Neptune High. Keith is dropped off by a chauffeur. Veronica runs to walk by his side. [SCENE_BREAK] VERONICA: Good morning. SEAN: Maybe in your world. In mine, I am minus one Rolex. The criminal element found its way into my gym bag yesterday. VERONICA: Why can't we all just have nice things. SEAN: Who behaves this way? VERONICA: Maybe you missed that eye for an eye section in your Bible. SEAN: Okay, this isn't retribution, it's thievery. VERONICA: Weevil didn't start this. It's not his fault someone stole the money. SEAN: Is that so? Flashback to the poker party. It is at the end, when Weevil is having the boys strip. SEAN: This is ridiculous. CONNOR: Yeah, I usually get six figures for this. SEAN: What about you? WEEVIL: I'm the one who got his money stolen. SEAN: I'm thinking crabs? WEEVIL: I told your mother to clean up. LOGAN: Guys! Play nice, huh? WEEVIL: I'm playing nice. Believe me. Cut to the present. VERONICA: Why would Weevil steal his own money? SEAN: You should really consider another profession. Perhaps he stole the money before he knew he was going to win. And before Mrs Echolls got wet and wild, he was down to his last two chips. VERONICA: I heard you weren't doing so hot either. SEAN: Yeah, but the difference is, I don't need the money. Sean walks into the school. Cut to Mars Investigations. Aaron is there. Keith joins him, carrying two cups of coffee and a file under his arm. KEITH: So I interviewed the caterer for the Casablancas' Halloween party. Do you mind getting that for me? [Aaron grabs the file] Thanks. [They sit] Apparently, you were caught in flagrante. Yeah. Yeah, my memory isn't what it used to be either. AARON: Listen, it didn't mean anything. KEITH: What's it gonna mean? AARON: I love my wife. KEITH: Aaron, my job is to track down a potentially dangerous stalker. Your affair is, well, that's your affair. AARON: So you're, you're not gonna tell Lynn. KEITH: If Lynn had hired me to find out if you were cheating on her, I would tell her. She hired me to protect you and that's what I'm gonna do. But I'm gonna need your help. KEITH: This is the guest list from the Casablancas' Halloween party. Circle the name of who you slept with. Aaron circles three names. KEITH: Um, no, maybe I should clarify. Who you slept with at the Halloween party. AARON: It was the night that I had the hard cider. Cut to Aaron and Monica fooling around on a chaise longe. One of the serving staff walks in on them. Cut back to MI. KEITH: That would be Monica Hadwin. AARON: Yeah, but she's not a stalker. She's my agent's wife. KEITH: I'm sure she's lovely. Mrs Casablancas gave me photos from the party. If you could point out Monica, and, uh, Sharon and Deborah. AARON: There they are. All three women are in one photo, all in costume. KEITH: These three women are invited to your Christmas party. Maybe that's not the best idea. AARON: They're not stalkers. They're just needy. KEITH: Hm. Cut to Monica, who is having a fitting. MONICA: [To the fitter] Tighter. I didn't lose five pounds for my health. KEITH: So, Mrs Hadwin MONICA: Hadwin's my maiden name. I didn't want to be Monica Greenblatt. KEITH: If there's anything else you could tell me, it would be helpful to the Echolls. MONICA: Well, what's there to tell? Aaron's a sexy charming movie star with an ass like an 18 year old wrestler. He's psycho-bait. [To the fitter] You know, can we go a couple of inches higher? It's not a wake. [To Keith] You know who you should talk to is Deborah Daily. She's always hovering around Aaron, sticking her fake boobs at him. [To the fitter] Okay, look. My life depends on looking as hot as possible in this. You're gonna need to rally. Monica's husband walks in. HARVEY: Always with an audience. MONICA: He's the Echolls' private investigator. Aaron has a stalker. HARVEY: Oh. MONICA: I'm providing him with the low-down on the ladies that, uh, aim higher than tennis pro. HARVEY: You'd think at least one part of my day wouldn't involve Aaron. MONICA: Oh, before Aaron, his biggest client was a day player on "Boy Meets World". HARVEY: And before me, you sat in your underwear in a fish tank at the Standard. Cut to Neptune High. She sits and watches the 09er table. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Breathe, Veronica. So what? Duncan's secret diary is unaccounted for. That doesn't mean the intimate details of our strange and steamy relationship will become public domain at Neptune High. Things don't always turn out for the worst. After all, it's Christmas. Despite what everyone else might think, Santa knows I've been a good girl. Wallace sits next to her. WALLACE: You're gonna hurt yourself, thinking that hard. VERONICA: They say if you're caught in a stare it means your mind needs a break. WALLACE: Like, that mind ever takes a break. So, how's the poker case coming? VERONICA: Oh, it's a Christmas miracle. I think I finally found a way to send my dad to camp. At the 09er table, Duncan and Sean are having pizza. Logan walks over, grabs a piece of pizza and sits next to Duncan, who immediately gets up. SEAN: Will you guys kiss and make up already? Logan throws Duncan a kiss. Veronica approaches with Weevil. VERONICA: So, good news, bad news. The good news is, I know who stole the money. The bad news is, I know who stole the money. [Logan grins] Here's my brilliant idea. Filled with holiday spirit, Logan will host another game. LOGAN: Will I? VERONICA: I'm thinking tonight. LOGAN: Mm, no, my mother's Christmas party is tonight. VERONICA: Mm, so no BYOB. Here's how it will go down. Veronica sits next to Logan, surprised, backs away and casts a glance at Duncan, who is po-faced. VERONICA: I'll tell you who did it and you'll buy me into the game. I'll just take the place of whoever stole the money. Unless you still might think you want his around. LOGAN: You know, even if you keep talking, it's not gonna happen. VERONICA: Oh. I thought you guys might all want your stuff back. WEEVIL: Yeah. If I get my five grand, some items could [grabbing a piece of pizza] magically reappear. VERONICA: And if you think about it, anyone who doesn't see this as a great offer is obviously the thief. Kind of a no-brainer. Veronica stands up. LOGAN: Do you even know how to play poker? VERONICA: No. [Mock awe] But it must be really hard if all you guys play. Cut to night. The Echolls Christmas party is in full swing, with guests still arriving. Lynn and Aaron meet Jake and Celeste Kane at the door. Cut to the pool house. Everyone who was at the original party is in their seats except Weevil. Logan is handing out the chips as Veronica enters. LOGAN: Ho, ho... [looking at Veronica] ho. Veronica laughs in mock appreciation at his wit and drops her bag to the floor. Weevil picks it up. WEEVIL: Allow me. You want a sodey-pop or somethin'? VERONICA: You know, I think I want something with a little more kick. Veronica reaches the table and grabs Duncan's bottle of whisky. DUNCAN: Hey, no. Veronica lifts the bottle to her lips and pours it straight down her throat. Duncan looks resigned, the others are impressed.. WEEVIL: Damn, girl! VERONICA: Mmm. Iced tea? DUNCAN: Yeah. VERONICA: How very musical theatre of you. Logan stares at Duncan and smiles in wonder. Veronica walks around the table. VERONICA: Duncan can't remember the alphabet when he drinks let alone figure out 20% of the pizza bill. Logan grabs the bottle to smell it. As Veronica explains, there are flashbacks to Duncan drumming drunkenly on the table, pressed up against the window watching Lynn and a shot of him losing a hand. VERONICA: [Offscreen] No, he didn't play drunk to steal your money, he played drunk to win your money. To no avail it seems. Cut back to the present. Logan and Connor, supping on another cup of tea, take interest. VERONICA: Oh, and Connor isn't a drug addict. I know Cut to scenes from the poker party, Connor going to the bathroom, Connor on set, taking out the tea bag. VERONICA: [Offscreen] the constant bathroom visits. He wasn't going for a fix. He was going because of the Sun Tea. Cut back to the present. Connor looks down in his cup. Duncan leans over to do the same. VERONICA: It's that diuretic wrestlers down when they need to make weight or that actors use before their half naked on the cover of "Vanity Fair". Duncan laughs and Connor shrugs. VERONICA: And then, there's bachelor number three. And he's got it all. [Logan grins] Motive. Access. Looks like an evildoer, smells like an evildoer, [Logan rolls his eyes] but surprisingly... not so much. Weevil cleared him. Cut to the mess in the pool house when Veronica visited. VERONICA: [Offscreen] He told me he searched the room but didn't go through it as much as he wanted. When I saw it, it looked like it had been raided by the FBI. Cut back to the present. VERONICA: You had to tear the room apart looking for it. So, two left. The boy from the wrong side of the tracks and the boy who lives in the most expensive house in the 09er zip. [Dumping her bag and taking off her coat] So, do you want to hear how Sean did it? Ah, he's a crafty little bugger. Cut to the poker party and Duncan, Logan and Weevil at the door, dealing with the pizza delivery man. Sean grabs the money and stuffs it in one of his wide mouthed beer bottles. It is collected by the servants and then by Sean the next day who cycles off. VERONICA: [Offscreen] Sean didn't bring the Big Mouth Joes because he's cheap. He knew he couldn't leave with the money, so he didn't. What happens to garbage in the 09er zip? He just waited for the recycling to go out the next day and did a little garbage picking. Cut back to the present. LOGAN: Sean? What? The guy has a chauffeur drive him to school everyday. Why would he need to steal? VERONICA: Funny story. When I went to Sean's, I couldn't help but wonder Cut to Mr Friedrich opening the door to Veronica. VERONICA: [Offscreen] what was his dad doing at home, three in the afternoon, dressed in a suit instead of being at work? VOICE FROM INSIDE: Mr Friedrich. VERONICA: [Offscreen] Unless he was at work. Cut back to the present. VERONICA: I have to say, I was a bit miffed. I was this close to being able to say the butler did it. But no, it was the butler's son. SEAN: [Bitterly] That doesn't prove anything. VERONICA: Well, that proves that you're a liar and the background check I ran on you proves that you've got a bit of a shoplifting problem. You are really bad at it. Sean looks around the table. Weevil smiles softy, Connor and Duncan look disgusted and Logan looks almost disappointed. Sean gives a nervous laugh. He stands and turns to Weevil. SEAN: I can totally pay you. I have the money, I can get it right now. Logan stands as does Weevil. WEEVIL: All right, why don't we take a walk so we can discuss a few things, huh? SEAN: But you see I can pay you, see, there really is no need for physical violence. WEEVIL: Uh huh. Weevil escorts Sean out of the pool house, Logan staring after them. Veronica sits in Sean's seat. VERONICA: Mind if I deal first? Duncan extends an inviting hand. Veronica grabs the cards and fans them on the table with one smooth move. Duncan looks up. She shuffles the deck professionally. Logan looks at her and grins. Connor and Duncan both look awed. Cut to the party in the house. Lynn, Aaron, Jake and Celeste are in a group. CELESTE: It's this great winery, just outside of Ojai. JAKE: Right, it's ninety miles but you feel like you're a world away. Aaron and Monica are eying each other across the room. LYNN: Oh, it sounds perfect. AARON: Great. So next fall we'll all go for the crush. LYNN: Oh, I'm so excited. Cut to Mars Investigations. Keith is working his way through some papers and comes upon the pictures from the Casablancas party. He notices some carved pumpkins behind one of the women. Cut to the Echolls party. The piano is being played and Aaron and Lynn are standing around it. The pianist finishes and everyone claps. LYNN: Make sure you stay right here for nine o'clock. I have a big holiday surprise for everyone. Lynn moves away from the piano as Aaron and a girl the other side of the piano make eye contact as she nibbles on a large olive. Cut back to Keith who is putting on his coat while holding the phone to his ear. TELEPHONE: Elite Catering. This is Martha. KEITH: The girl you fired from the Casablancas' party. What was her position? TELEPHONE: She was a le trancheur. KEITH: What does a le trancheur do? TELEPHONE: Uh, they're carvers, sir. KEITH: Carving. Can you tell me what she looks like? Cut back to the Echolls and to one of the servers. It is the same one that came upon Aaron and Monica at the Casablancas house. She glances at Aaron, now without his jacket, laughing in conversation with Lynn and Celeste. Cut to the pool house. The Dandy Warhols wassail in the background with their version of "Little Drummer Boy". SONG: Pa rum pum pum pum A new born king to see Pa rum pum pum pum Our finest gifts to bring Pa rum pum pum pum Veronica wins what is obviously another big pot and is cleaning up. VERONICA: A little impressed, aren't you? CONNOR: You must be really unlucky in love. Veronica chokes a laugh. LOGAN: Okay. I say we take a little break. Let the cosmos realign because obviously something's up. WEEVIL: I can use something to eat. They get up from the table. Cut to inside as Weevil and Veronica fill their plates from a buffet table. WEEVIL: Seriously, don't I just blend right in? Come on. Where's Weevil? VERONICA: I think we both stand out a bit. WEEVIL: Yeah, right. You are a natural at this. Look at you. Veronica spots Jake. JAKE: I'll be right back. VERONICA: Will you hold this for a sec? She hands her plate to Weevil and follows. One of the waiters passes Weevil with something scrumptious but because both hands are full, he can do nothing. WEEVIL: You're killing me. Cut to the bar. Logan is already there, Duncan joins him. They both lean against it. DUNCAN: So I, uh, you know. LOGAN: Yeah. DUNCAN: Sorry about the whole LOGAN: I've been plenty of other things. They both chuckle. DUNCAN: So, we're cool. LOGAN: Yeah. They smile, Duncan slaps Logan on the arm and turns to the bar. DUNCAN: Bartender. Keith is outside, trying to get past security. SECURITY MAN: Mars, Mars. KEITH: Look, I'm not on the list. If you could just tell Aaron that Keith Mars is here. SECURITY MAN: Mars, Mars. Not seeing you, sir. KEITH: Will you listen to me, this is an emergency. Cut to the library in the Echolls house. Jake is there and Veronica enters and closes the door behind her. VERONICA: I've got a question for you. JAKE: Hello, Veronica. VERONICA: Does your Head of Security make it a habit of taking photographs of high school students and drawing bull's eyes over their faces or am I special. Cut back outside. As security deals with some newly arrived guests, Keith takes the opportunity to slip past. Cut back to Veronica and Jake. VERONICA: Clarence Wiedman took pictures of me. Surveillance pictures. He drew a target over my face and sent them to my mother. Why? JAKE: You're not making any sense. VERONICA: Why? JAKE: I have no idea what you're talking about. VERONICA: Why would you want my mother out of town? JAKE: I didn't. VERONICA: Why didn't she tell me or my father about the pictures instead of hiding them in a safe deposit box? JAKE: [Shouting] I don't know. They've moved to the door, Jake wanting to leave, Veronica blocking his way. Veronica stares at him. VERONICA: I don't believe you. Keith opens the glass door from outside into the library and sees Veronica as she steps aside from the door to let Jake leave. Keith pauses. Jake walks out, followed by Veronica. Keith steps into the room. Outside the rooms, Jake storms towards Celeste who is in mid conversation with Aaron and Lynn. LYNN: that's a surprise, that's- Jake grabs Celeste's arm. JAKE: What did you do? CELESTE: What? JAKE: What did you do? CELESTE: Jake, I don't know what you're talking about. Veronica watches, and behind her, Duncan does the same. JAKE: Don't lie to me Celeste. What did you do? CELESTE: Jake, stop it. JAKE: Get your coat, we're leaving. Jake steers Celeste away. Lynn mouths "Oh my" at Aaron. AARON: Well, time for us to get a drink. Duncan glances at Veronica and follows his parents. Lynn walks up to the piano and rings a bell. LYNN: Everyone, if you could just follow the Santas outside, I have a special surprise for you. The waiters ring bells and lead people out the front door. Keith wanders through the crowd. AARON: Brr. I'm gonna grab my jacket. LYNN: Okay. Outside there are carollers in old style clothes. Inside, Aaron has stopped to talks to Monica. Lynn runs up and grabs Aaron's arm. LYNN: Come on, you two, you'll miss the surprise. AARON: And we know how much she loves a surprise. Aaron starts putting on his jacket and turns to follow Lynn. The server from the Casablancas races up to him. WAITRESS: You don't even care, do you? AARON: I'm sorry? WAITRESS: Sleep with me, you say you love me. AARON: Lynn, I don't know who this person is, I swear. Keith spots them and runs towards them. AARON: I don't know you. The woman swings back her arm and stabs Aaron. There are screams. The carollers wassail in snowfall outside. SONG: Here we come a'wassailing among the leaves so green. Keith tackles the woman to the ground. SONG: Here we come a'wandering so fair to be seen. Aaron staggers back as blood pours from the side of his abdomen. SONG: Love and joy come to you and to you your wassail too. Logan is distraught. Lynn runs to Aaron as he collapses into a chair. SONG: And god bless you LYNN: Somebody call an ambulance. SONG: and send you a happy new year. The ice pick like weapon lies on the floor. Logan is on his cell. SONG: And god send you a happy new year. Aaron is losing consciousness, Veronica is stunned. The crowd claps when the carollers finish. They go into another chorus. VERONICA VOICEOVER: What was I thinking? Christmas in Neptune is, was and always will be about the trappings. The lights and the tinsel they use to cover up the sordidness, the corruption. No Veronica, there is no Santa Claus. As Veronica thinks, the camera pulls back on the snow machines creating the fake winter wonderland scene. End

When the money from a poker game between Logan, Weevil, and others disappears, Veronica is called in to investigate. Keith investigates a mysterious stalker whom Aaron fears will ruin his Christmas party. When Aaron is stabbed by his former lover, his wife Lynn learns of his infidelity.

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"The Glowing Bones in the Old Stone House" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER EXT. WASHINGTON DC - WOODED AREA - DAY [Helicopters fly overhead; camera pans down to a large group of varied law, military, and medical officers milling around and doing their jobs.] [DR. TEMPERANCE BRENNAN and SPECIAL AGENT SEELEY BOOTH have just arrived at the scene. As they walk, they are briefed by MAJOR.] BRENNAN: So no one touched the body. MAJOR: Hell no. But we're gonna need an ID ASAP. We could be dealing with a group that's acquired nuclear material. BOOTH: It's actually glowing? MAJOR: Oh, yes. BRENNAN: I'll need a video link with my lab. [A HOMELAND SECURITY AGENT approaches from behind. He is speaking on a cell phone, as he approaches he lowers it and addresses Major] HOMELAND SECURITY AGENT: Excuse me, Major? The reactor at Kensington is secure. All transports carrying radioactive material have been halted. MAJOR: Dr. Brennan's gonna need a... video link up to the Jeffersonian. HOMELAND SECURITY AGENT: As soon as possible. The rain's really slowed things up. [Homeland Security Agent raises his cell phone again, turns around, and returns up the path.] BOOTH: (To retreating Homeland Security Agent) Okay, thanks! (To Brennan and Major) See, uh, bodies, they don't usually glow. MAJOR: Yeah well, that's why we're taking all these precautions. [They arrive at the back of a van, in which there are radiation suits. Major pulls a pill bottle from his pocket and hands it to Brennan] MAJOR: (CONT'D) Alright, this is Potassium Iodide (He gestures to the radiation suits), these are your suits. [Major grabs a kit from the back of the van and leaves] BOOTH: Pills? [Brennan hands Booth some pills from the bottle] BRENNAN: Yeah. It helps the... [Brennan swallows some pills, as does Booth] BRENNAN: (CONT'D) ... thyroid block the absorption of radiation. [Booth and Brennan take the radiation suits from the back of the van and begin to put them on.] BRENNAN: (CONT'D) You know, Angela turned down Hodgins again. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Hodgins proposed. Angela turned him down. BOOTH: You really wanna talk about that now. BRENNAN: Why not? There's been no confirmation of danger yet. BOOTH: It's just, you know, weird, you know, talking about uh, marriage when we're, you know, trying to avoid radiation poisoning. BRENNAN: No, what's weird is Angela thinking about marriage at all. CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON DC - OLD STONE HOUSE IN WOODED AREA - DAY [Brennan and Booth, now fully dressed in their radiation suits and rejoined by Major (also in a radiation suit) approach the Stone House.] BOOTH: People fall in love and they get married. That's what people do. BRENNAN: I thought you didn't want to talk about it. BOOTH: Look, I'm just saying! You know, you believe in love, don't you? BRENNAN: I believe that dopamine and norepinephrine simulate euphoria because of certain biological triggers like scent, symmetrical features... BOOTH: Symmetrical features. BRENNAN: Yes, it's an indication of a good breeder. You appear to be a very good breeder. MAJOR: (laughing) How long have you two been going out? BRENNAN: What? BRENNAN and BOOTH (in UNISON) We're... [Brennan and Booth accidentally knock the helmets of their radiation suits together, pause, and glare at each other] BRENNAN and BOOTH (in UNISON, CONT'D) We're partners. BRENNAN: That's it. MAJOR: Huh. Me and my partner talk baseball. [Major and Brennan lower their radiation suit helmets and enter the stone house.] BOOTH: (Calling after Brennan) You might not want to admit it, Bones, but there are some things like love that just can't be measured in your lab. [Booth lowers his radiation suit helmet and follows Major and Brennan into the house. It is dark inside; the three shine their flashlights about. Major's radiation monitor emits strange noises.] BOOTH: (CONT'D) Oh! What's that mean? MAJOR: Three hundred millirams. Oh, that's perfectly normal. We get a reading of three thousand or more, then we worry. It could be a weapon. BOOTH: Nuclear? BRENNAN: The suits would be useless against that. BOOTH: Oh. Great. Thanks. MAJOR: (Gesturing) Body's in there. [Brennan walks towards the body as another HOMELAND SECURITY AGENT agent enters the house. We see the body is a brightly glowing skeleton. Insects swarm about the skeleton, and rats scatter as Brennan and Booth approach] MAJOR: (Looking at radiation monitor) Anybody getting an increase? HOMELAND SECURITY AGENT: All clear! Doesn't make sense. [Brennan kneels down beside the skeleton] BRENNAN: Female... Mid-twenties, early thirties. Caucasian. BOOTH: Looks like she's been there awhile. BRENNAN: No, probably not that long. Rats and weasels work pretty quickly. [Major removes his radiation suit helmet and steps up to Brennan and Booth] MAJOR: There's no radiation in here. BOOTH: Then why the hell's it glowing? MAJOR: I don't know. But it's your problem now. All right guys, we're outta here. [Exit Major] BRENNAN: Multiple stab wounds... BOOTH: Why? Is she glowing? BRENNAN: ...I have no idea...No idea at all. CREDITS ACT I INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - MAIN PLATFORM - DAY [Brennan, DR. JACK HODGINS, and DR. ZACK ADDY are examining the skeleton] BRENNAN: The nicks on the ribs and haemorrhaging in the adjacent intercostal muscles are consistent with stabbing. Repeated stabbing. Someone was angry. ZACK: Incise cuts on the left radius and ulna are congruent with defensive injuries. BRENNAN: Still no answer for the luminescent bones? HODGINS: It's not like we get a human light bulb in here every day. (Looking at computer) I've got mature first-instar Phaenicia Sericata about to molt. Indicates she's been dead approximately fourty eight hours. I gotta take more scrapings from the bones to analyse for luminescence. BRENNAN: (Indicating skull) You can scrape this area. [BOOTH enters and steps up onto the examination platform.] BOOTH: (clears throat) Okay, squint squad, why does she look like a glowstick? HODGINS: Why does everyone think my job is so easy? [DR. CAMILLE SAROYAN enters] CAM: Wow, you weren't kidding. If we twirl her around, we can pretend we're at a rave. What's the good word, Hodgins? HODGINS: Hey, I am not a party trick! CAM: Are you okay? ZACK: The bones probably remind him of Waitomo Cave. HODGINS: Not. True. BRENNAN: I've been there! In New Zealand. It's filled with tiny glowing worms, and in the darkness it looks like thousands of stars. Very romantic. ZACK: Yes, that's where he was going to take Angela for their honeymoon. If she'd said yes. Which she didn't. HODGINS: Okay, look, people, Angela and I are cool. Okay? But she's... complicated. I will figure her out though. Just like these electric bones. Let's just go back to work. Okay? CAM: All right. BOOTH: Okay... CAM: (referring to the skeleton) Nice bracelet. Do you need the left hand? BRENNAN: No. Too fleshy and, no stab wounds. CAM: Just how I like 'em. CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY [Cam has taken the skeleton's hand and is severing one of the fingers. Enter Booth.] BOOTH: Oh, God, what are you doing? Plugging a dike or something? CAM: The left hand was lodged under the body. A lack of exposure preserved some of the dermis. We might be able to get a print. [Cam places the severed finger in a petrie dish] BOOTH: From that. It's all...shrivelled. CAM: Can you pour fabric softener? BOOTH: Yeah. Sure. My mom used to use this stuff. I didn't know it was so, uh, scientific. [Booth begins to pour fabric softener into a jar] BOOTH: (CONT'D) Say when. CAM: That's good. Do you think Hodgins is okay? BOOTH: No, not at all. CAM: Well, they seem to be jumping each other like rabbits. BOOTH: Well, he wants more. CAM: How sweet. [Cam drops the severed finger into the fabric softener] BOOTH: Oh, you think all a man wants is s*x? CAM: No, of course not. Beer too. Chips...salsa... BOOTH: Aw, come on, Cam. I mean, when we were together, you didn't think that we could, you know... CAM: Get married? No. BOOTH: Nah. Nah, me neither. I mean, but wasn't there a moment, just a moment where you felt... [Booth notices Cam removing the finger from the fabric softener] BOOTH: Woah! Look at that! It's a finger again! Huh! [Cam beings drying the finger off] CAM: You want to know what I felt, Seeley? I felt... satisfied. Very satisfied. And grateful that I had my own place, my own single life... and you were too. BOOTH: Why are we even talking about this? [Cam exhales and walks over to a fingerprint analysis computer] CAM: Check this out. [Cam scans the finger, a fingerprint loads on the computer screen.] BOOTH: Whoooa. CAM: One perfect fingerprint. BOOTH: Unbelievable. All from fabric softener. CAM: Rehydrates dead tissue, and fights static cling. BOOTH: (Examining fabric softener bottle) Eh. Geez. Puffy soft, huh? Twenty-one loads. Look at that. CUT TO: INT: MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - ANGELA'S OFFICE - DAY [Booth and Brennan are watching as ANGELA MONTENEGRO finds a match for the skeleton's fingerprint.] ANGELA: Okay. Carly Victor, twenty-nine. Carly Victor?! BOOTH: Do you know her? ANGELA: Yeah, she's that celebrity chef. BRENNAN: Carly's Table over on Calvert. Chef would explain the cuts to her left hand, and the burns. ANGELA: All right, this is her MySpace page. BOOTH: Wait a second, is that the place with the famous mac and cheese? ANGELA: Yeah. It's like, impossible to get into. BOOTH: Totally impossible. ANGELA: You too? BOOTH: Well, mac and cheese- that's God's best handiwork. BRENNAN: She puts leeks in it, and- and little bits of pancetta. It was delicious. BOOTH: How'd you get in? BRENNAN: I'm a best-selling author, Booth. I get in anywhere. I took Sully. BOOTH: ...Did he have... BRENNAN: He said it was the best he ever ate. Why are all those pictures on her page? (Brennan points to the MySpace page on the computer) ANGELA: It's friends, different communities she's joined...blogs, her husband, cooking videos... BOOTH: Lot of knives in the kitchen, easy grab for one of these uh, friends to stab her, why don't you check the pages and see if anyone had a problem with her. BRENNAN: I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill Carly. (From Angela's confused look) She came out to see if we were enjoying our meal. We talked for a while. I was... supposed to go back and see her next week. ANGELA: Are you okay, honey? BRENNAN: Yeah. I'm just used to victims being strangers... We should tell her husband, Booth. BOOTH: Sure. CUT TO: INT. CARLY'S TABLE - DAY [Booth and Brennan enter a very busy, very trendy restaurant. They come to the front podium, where a HOSTESS is seating patrons.] HOSTESS: Welcome to Carly's Table. Do you have a reservation? BOOTH: Yeah, like that's possible. HOSTESS: Oh, Dr. Brennan! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. [The hostess begins leading Booth and Brennan into the crowded seating area] HOSTESS: (CONT'D) We're very crowded tonight, so you might have to wait a few minutes. BOOTH: (To Brennan) You can walk in here without a reservation? BRENNAN: We need to talk to Dan. BOOTH: Carly's husband. HOSTESS: Oh, just a moment [Exit hostess] BRENNAN: She knows he's Carly's husband. [A waitress walks by carrying a plate of macaroni and cheese] BOOTH: Bones, Bones, Bones! Mac and cheese! Mac and cheese! [Booth grabs some of the macaroni and cheese from the plate the waitress is carrying, and eats it] BRENNAN: Booth! [Brennan smacks Booth's hands] BOOTH: (Licking his fingers) Wow. That's amazing. [Behind Booth and Brennan, a CUSTOMER praises the food to DAN, Carly's husband. CUSTOMER: Dan, the truffles were awesome. We'd love to tell Carly! DAN: Uh, she's a little slammed right now, but I'll be sure to pass on the compliments, alright? Alright, take care! [Dan walks over to Booth and Brennan] BOOTH: So. Carly's in the kitchen? DAN: Yeah, she's back there 24/7, you have to drag her out... Dr. Brennan, right? BRENNAN: Yes. This is my partner, Special Agent Seeley Booth. DAN: Hi. BRENNAN: We know she's not back there, Dan. CUT TO: INT. CARLY'S TABLE - DAY [Dan has evidently been told of his wife's death. He is crying and visibly upset.] DAN: I just can't imagine that she's... she's gone. BRENNAN: I'm so sorry, Dan. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw her? DAN: Friday night. A lot of the restaurants around here have been getting robbed, so Carly didn't want to leave the cash here. She and Abby took the cash and drove it to the ATM. BOOTH: Who's Abby? DAN: Abby Singer. She and her boyfriend Ben are our business partners. Well, they're our friends first. Abby organises Carly's endorsements. I... I mean it's... it's not Abby as well, is it? BOOTH: No, we... we only... we only found Carly. Has Ben heard from Abby? DAN: Ben's uh... he's in the guard, and um, he's been gone for the weekend. He should be back in a couple hours. BOOTH: Help me understand something here, Dan. Your wife disappears and you don't report her missing? DAN: She would take these spur-of-the-moment trips to Atlantic City with Abby to kind of blow off steam. BOOTH: She wouldn't tell you first? DAN: No, she wouldn't tell me 'cause she didn't want me to say no. BOOTH: Listen, what- what kind of car did they leave in? DAN: She um, she had an old Volvo. [Dan pulls a photograph of himself, Carly, Ben, and Abby with the Volvo from his wallet and hands it to Booth] DAN: (CONT'D) The picture was taken just before we opened. BOOTH: I'll get a search team on it. CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - ANGELA'S OFFICE - DAY [Angela is examining Carly's MySpace page on her computer, when Hodgins walks in] HODGINS: You find anything? ANGELA: Yeah. Jealous chefs, vicious critics, fans that were a little too in love with her... fame is creepy. HODGINS: They say chefs are the new rock stars. ANGELA: Huh. They do deal with knives and fire and food. It's pretty sexy. HODGINS: (Flirtatiously) Yeah? ANGELA: Mmhmm. HODGINS: Well then tonight? I'll take a knife and fire... and make you an orgasmic grilled cheese sandwich. ANGELA: Oh, suddenly I am starving... [Angela and Hodgins begin kissing. Enter Cam] CAM: Oh good Lord, you have to stop mounting each other in the office. Doesn't marriage destroy s*x? Please Angela, say yes. ANGELA: We were working. CAM: You were working it. A little professionalism would be nice, people. [Cam holds up a small bottle] CAM: (CONT'D) I found some organic material in a cut on her left hand. Need to know what it is. [Hodgins takes the bottle] HODGINS: I'm on it. [Hodgins begins to leave] CAM: (To Angela) And you? Anything? ANGELA: Yeah, I found out how to make braised beef, I found out that Carly loved sushi, I found out that... [Hodgins, hearing this, stops walking away and returns to Angela and Cam] HODGINS: Oh my God, sushi, yes! That is it. You are brilliant! [Hodgins kisses Angela] HODGINS: (CONT'D) You're my muse. Check out all the sushi restaurants on her site. [Hodgins turns and leaves. Cam and Angela, confused, shrug at each other.] CAM: At least he didn't jump you. ANGELA: True. CUT TO: INT. FBI BUILDING - BOOTH'S OFFICE - DAY [Booth and Brennan are interviewing BEN MICHAELSON] BOOTH: So you were with the reserves all weekend? BEN: Yeah, Fort Eustis, survival training. You're sure Carly was murdered? BRENNAN: Yes. BEN: I mean, isn't there anything I could be doing? Helping you look for Abby? I mean, I can't just sit here. BOOTH: We're doing everything we can to find her. BEN: And you're looking for whoever's been robbing the other restaurants? BOOTH: Mmhmm, we just don't have a description yet, that's all. BEN: Why didn't Dan report them missing? BRENNAN: He said that they would take off sometimes, go to Atlantic City. BEN: Yeah, but still. The restaurant was booming. I mean, he should've known that she wouldn't just leave. BOOTH: Listen, do you, uh... you and Dan, you havin' problems? BEN: What? No. No, he just doesn't think sometimes. I mean, we're not in school anymore. I just would've done something. That's all. Look... Here's Abby's picture. If you need it. [Ben pulls a photograph of Abby from his wallet and hands it to Booth] BEN: (CONT'D) Just find Abby. Please. CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - MAIN PLATFORM - DAY [Hodgins is examining bacteria on a computer screen, and is showing it to Cam, Zack, and Angela.] HODGINS: The sushi got me thinking. P. phosphoreum: a bacteria that grows in seafood. ZACK: A luminescent bacteria? HODGINS: Exactly. Vibrio bacteria. Which, when catalysed by luciferase, causes the bones to glow. So if the knife that was used to stab Carly contained P. phosphoreum, it would've entered her bloodstream. CAM: (Understanding) And it would be left on the bones as the tissue decomposed and was stripped by the rats. Seafood. ANGELA: So that narrows it down. To...every restaurant in the area. HODGINS: No, the tissue Cam found? It's "uni" - sea urchin. A specialty in one of Carly's favourite sushi restaurants. CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - ANGELA'S OFFICE - DAY [Angela has Carly's MySpace page on her computer. Cam, Booth, Hodgins, and Brennan are gathered, listening to Angela's findings.] ANGELA: Carly's blog mentions an old friend... who's the chef at a sushi restaurant. HODGINS: "Sushiguy23." How imaginative. BOOTH: "Executive chef at Sushi Beat Restaurant." ANGELA: And when we link to his page... [Angela pulls up a picture of 'sushiguy23' and Carly making sushi together] BRENNAN: That's Carly! CAM: With sushiguy... ANGELA: Yeah. And his knife. END ACT I ACT II INT. SUSHI BEAT RESTAURANT - DAY [A line of sushi chefs, among them ERNIE SUMMERS- aka Sushiguy23- are all preparing sushi, and placing it on a bar. As Brennan and Booth enter, they all look up and greet them in Japanese, in unison.] BRENNAN: Can you believe this place? BOOTH: Yeah, fresh toro today. BRENNAN: They've cherry-picked the most marketable elements of a very complex and vibrant culture and then repackaged them to turn a profit. It's awful. BOOTH: Yeah, well, so is murder, okay? So just stay focused. [Booth walks up to the bar and shows Ernie his badge. Ernie looks up, but continues preparing sushi.] BOOTH: (CONT'D) Hey Ernie, have a minute? ERNIE: I guess... can I get you anything? BRENNAN: No, we're just here to ask... BOOTH: (Cutting Brennan off) Well, sure. I mean, if you have some of that, uh, fresh toro left, that would be great. (From Brennan's horrified look) What? Might as well eat lunch while we're here. BRENNAN: You and Carly Victor were high school sweethearts, right? ERNIE: Why, what's goin' on? [Ernie places a plate of toro in front of Booth, who commences to eat.] BOOTH: Uh, when was the last time you saw her? ERNIE: Uh, Thursday of last week. What, somethin' happen to her? BRENNAN: Do you serve sea urchin? ERNIE: Uni, yeah, it's one of my specialties. You want some? BRENNAN: No. BOOTH: (At the same time as Brennan) Sure. ERNIE: Is this about Dan? Did Dan find out she was with me? BOOTH: Why? What's goin' on between you and Carly? ERNIE: Nothin'. We reconnected on MySpace. She wanted to learn about Japanese cuisine, so I was teaching her how to make sushi. BOOTH: Secretly? Why, because Dan hated Japanese food? ERNIE: Because he's so jealous. Everybody loved Carly. It drove him crazy. Carly even left him once. [Ernie places a plate of uni in front of Booth] BOOTH: Why'd she go back? (referring to the uni) Delicious. ERNIE: Thank you... What's goin' on? Is Carly okay? BOOTH: Carly's dead. ERNIE: Dan? That son of a bitch. BRENNAN: We don't know who it was. But she was stabbed, Ernie, and we found bacteria associated with sea urchin in her system. It can only enter the body through the bloodstream. ERNIE: What, you think I killed her? Why would I kill Carly? BRENNAN: Well, that's more his area (nods to Booth) BOOTH: You love her, she says that she'll leave Dan, she doesn't, you get mad. She's got the fishy virus, you got all those fishy knives... ERNIE: Wait, wait, wait, last time Carly was here, she cut herself. And I wanted her to get stitches, but she wouldn't. BRENNAN: I'd like to borrow your knives, Ernie, and compare them to the injuries we found on Carly. ERNIE: You know, a lot of people have knives like mine. BOOTH: Are you saying no? Because that really wouldn't look too good. Can I get a spicy tuna roll? CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY [The skeleton is laid out on a table with several computer screens around. Angela is explaining her findings to Brennan and Zack, using a computer as illustration.] ANGELA: I fed the measurements of the knives into the computer. Angles of the blades, thickness... and compared it to the injuries we found on the bones. BRENNAN: None of them match the damage evident on the cortical surface of the ribs, or the defensive wounds. ANGELA: No. But, we do have one match. This knife [Angela points to one of several knifes laid out beside the skeleton, which Zack then picks up.] ANGELA: (CONT'D) And the cut on her left hand. BRENNAN: The knife they use when preparing the uni. That must be how it entered her bloodstream. ZACK: Sushiguy23 was telling the truth. ANGELA: So he's not the murderer. We can still eat at the restaurant. (From Brennan's irritated look) What? Booth said the toro was fantastic. CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - MAIN PLATFORM - DAY [Angela and Brennan, having left the examination table, are now walking towards Brennan's office. As they walk, Brennan is removing her lab coat.] BRENNAN: Are you still torturing Hodgins? ANGELA: He loves it. BRENNAN: Just tell him no. Put him out of his misery. ANGELA: What if I want to say yes? BRENNAN: You get married? ANGELA: Sometimes your brain just shuts off, because you're... in love. BRENNAN: One can't logically base a decision on momentary happiness. [Brennan and Angela enter Brennan's office, where Brennan hangs her lab coat on a coat stand.] ANGELA: Haven't you ever just looked at a guy and said, "Screw it"? ...Well, maybe not the best choice of words, okay, but... Like, when you were with Sully. Don't you regret letting him go? BRENNAN: I made a decision. Regrets serve no real purpose. If you want to be impulsive, why don't you just say yes? ANGELA: Because I've also got you in my head, telling me that marriage will hobble my personal and legal freedoms. [Brennan's cell phone rings] ANGELA: (CONT'D) You're a very difficult best friend to have. [Brennan answers her phone.] BRENNAN: (Into phone) Brennan? (Brennan pauses to listen) I'll grab my things. [Brennan closes her cell phone and moves back to her coat stand to grab her jacket.] BRENNAN: (CONT'D) Ernie's story checked out. Carly took out a restraining order on Dan, and Dan took out a two-million-dollar life insurance policy on her. See? Marriage! It... ANGELA: (Cutting Brennan off) Oh, just go. BRENNAN: I'm going. [Brennan leaves.] CUT TO: INT. CARLY'S TABLE - KITCHEN - DAY [Booth and Brennan are interviewing Ben and Dan, who is looking over financial papers] BOOTH: You guys had to shut down, huh? DAN: Yeah, Carly's without Carly doesn't make much sense. BOOTH: Yeah, that's gotta be rough. I mean, you know, absorbing that kind of hit financially. BEN: Look, man, his wife was murdered, and my girlfriend's missing. Money is the last thing on our minds. BOOTH: Yeah. Right, right, yeah. I understand. It's just, I mean, here you guys are just, you know, pouring over the books. DAN: Most of our staff live paycheque to paycheque, you know? We have to pay them. [Brennan indicates a rack of knives on the wall; one is missing] BRENNAN: Where's the other knife? DAN: I don't know. It's been missing for years. Carly actually got it as a gift from the first chef that she worked for. BOOTH: Or maybe it's just been missing since you found out about, uh, Carly and Ernie Summers. BEN: Ernie Summers? The sushi guy? BRENNAN: I'd like to take this set of knives. BEN: Sure. DAN: No. BEN: Hey, relax, man, just let them take the knives. DAN: (Talking overtop of Ben) These bastards cannot come in here and start accusing me. BOOTH: Alright, Carly was meeting up with Ernie secretly. You assumed the worst... DAN: It's not true. BOOTH: ...Confronted her. One thing led to another... BEN: Carly was involved with him? BOOTH: ...Maybe Abby heard you fighting and she tried to get in the middle of... [Dan runs at Booth] DAN: You son of a bitch! [Booth grabs Dan and slams him forward onto the table, then holds Dan there with one hand held behind his back] BOOTH: She got caught up in the middle... DAN: (Struggling) Get off of me! BRENNAN: You know, you know I'd back down if I were you, he shot a clown once! BOOTH: You're good? DAN: Yes, I'm good. [Booth lets Dan up] BOOTH: We know about the restraining order and your drinking. BEN: What'd you do, Dan? DAN: Nothing, okay? We had some problems. I went into rehab. BEN: You were drinking last week, Dan, before I left! DAN: A couple glasses of wine, okay? The stress of everything... BRENNAN: Carly? DAN: Yes, and Carly. BOOTH: Why didn't you tell us about that insurance policy? DAN: That was Ben's idea. BEN: This restaurant would be worth nothing without Carly. We have investors, we had to protect them. BOOTH: But if you had a problem with Carly, I mean. You wouldn't need the restaurant. You'd still get your payday. BEN: Take the knives. Take anything you want. DAN: You son of a bitch. You think that I... BEN: (Cutting Dan off) Where's Abby? DAN: For God's sakes, you people crazy? [Booth's cell phone rings, he answers it] BOOTH: : (Into cell phone) Booth. DAN: : I loved Abby. I love Carly. It was... BOOTH: : (Into phone) Thanks. [Booth hangs up his phone] BOOTH: : (CONT'D) Helicopter spotted Abby's car. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON DC - WOODED AREA - NIGHT [Booth, Brennan, and Ben get out of Booth's SUV and run towards where Abby's Volvo is being towed out of some bushes. There is a flurry of police activity around the scene.] BOOTH: (To Brennan) Tell him to stay back. BRENNAN: (To Ben) You should wait here until we can determine if she's in the car and... If she's alive. [Brennan gets Ben to stay back. Booth runs towards RESCUE TEAM MEMBER #1] BOOTH: You find her? RESCUE TEAM MEMBER #1 No one's in the vehicle, Sir. BOOTH: How about the trunk? RESCUE TEAM MEMBER #1 I haven't checked yet. BOOTH: Get me a crowbar. [Rescue Team Member #1 grabs a crowbar for Booth. Brennan comes running towards them.] BOOTH: Come on! [The Rescue Team Member hands Booth the crowbar, he proceeds to pop the car trunk open. Inside is ABBY SINGER, curled up and unconscious. Brennan checks her pulse.] BRENNAN: She's alive. Get an air evac here right away! [Another RESCUE TEAM MEMBER #2 calls back to her] RESCUE TEAM MEMBER #2 I'll call it in! [Ben approaches the car and leans down to speak to Abby.] BEN: Hang on, baby, please. You're gonna be alright. END ACT II ACT III INT. FBI BUILDING - CAR INVESTIGATION GARAGE - DAY [Hodgins walks into a large tent where FBI agents are swarming Abby's Volvo for evidence. Cam is already there, also looking over the car.] HODGINS: I don't understand. Why wasn't Abby killed too? CAM: Funny, but I haven't found a written confession yet. HODGINS: Yeah, but she's a witness. [Cam leans down to investigate the passenger's side of the car with a small flashlight. Hodgins investigates the driver's side.] CAM: Blood traces on the dashboard where the vinyl split. Lots of blood on the seat, floor mats... Looks like Carly was definitely killed inside the car. HODGINS: Maybe whoever did this saw what he'd done and lost the stomach for it when it came to Abby. [Cam moves around to the rear passenger's side.] CAM: Hello, possible semen and vaginal contributions. HODGINS: Because this wasn't nasty enough. [Cam cuts out the portion of the rear passenger's seat with the seminal and vaginal stains. Hodgins goes around to the back of the car and opens the trunk. Cam joins him.] CAM: Whew! Smells like a urinal. HODGINS: She was locked up for thirty-six hours. I tell you, all she was worried about was surviving. CAM: (Wincing) Sorry. I forgot you were buried... Look, if this is too difficult, Hodgins... HODGINS: (Cutting her off) If I can help lock up the b*st*rd who did this... at least someone gets justice, right? [Hodgins lowers his microscope goggles and notices some particulates on the blanket inside the trunk.] HODGINS: (CONT'D) Woah, woah, woah, waaaait a minute... [Hodgins picks up a particle with his tweezers] CAM: What is it? HODGINS: Ahhh. Unidentified particulates. The two sweetest words that I know. CAM: I don't even wanna think about your pillow talk with Angela. CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - ANGELA'S OFFICE - DAY [Angela is showing her findings on the missing knife from Carly's wall rack to Brennan.] ANGELA: The missing knife from the set is an eight-inch hollow-edge utility knife. But sharp or dull, it couldn't have made those injuries you found. BRENNAN: So the edge was even sharper. ANGELA: Yeah. BRENNAN: How much can you magnify the cut to that rib? ANGELA: I can go about six hundred times before degrading the image. [Angela magnifies the cut] BRENNAN: Most blades are irregular and pitted, so they show on the bone... This is a knife without imperfections on its edge. ANGELA: Do you really think her husband killed her? I mean, it makes sense he would spare Abby... BRENNAN: I don't think I'm the person to ask about psychology of relationships. ANGELA: Mm. You know, when I said before that... you were the difficult friend inside my head... it's not necessarily a bad thing. BRENNAN: Yeah, I know that sharing a strong emotional attachment with another human being can be a good thing. But there seems to be a disconnect between my mind and... ANGELA: You know, I... I shouldn't have brought up Sully before. I'm sorry. BRENNAN: It's just... If a relationship seems more than casual, I feel that I need to posit the potential problems. Probabilities of success and failure, or... ANGELA: You get scared. BRENNAN: (Nodding) But I miss so much, don't I? ANGELA: I want to say no, but... yeah. You do. And so does whoever you're keeping yourself from. [Enter Zack] ZACK: I compared the hairline fracture on Carly's skull to the damaged dashboard. The fracture was the result of her head smashing into it. Haemorrhaging indicates it was antemortem. CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - MAIN PLATFORM - DAY [Hodgins is showing his findings on the particulates in the trunk to Booth] HODGINS: These white shards were found in the trunk and some were caught on her socks. FBI techs also found similar shards in the old house. I'm running a chemical analysis, but I'd say this is some kind of ceramic. BOOTH: What, like pottery? HODGINS: Actually, ceramics are used in everything from semiconductors to medical implants. This is a very hard ceramic. It's probably eight Mohs. BOOTH: Yeah? HODGINS: Yeah. BOOTH: What's that mean? HODGINS: That is was most likely used for industrial applications. Do..hmm. BOOTH: What? HODGINS: No, I'm not gonna ask you again. BOOTH: About the ceramic stuff? HODGINS: No. Angela. No more, I'm done. BOOTH: Oh. You're done with Angela? HODGINS: No. But...Hey, I fell in love with a free spirit, and if getting married makes her feel trapped or something, then I'm... I'm just gonna have to deal with it. BOOTH: Right, so you don't wanna get married anymore. HODGINS: Sure I do. BOOTH: You know what? This whole ceramics stuff was making more sense to me... [Booth begins to walk away] HODGINS: But Angela doesn't. And I don't want to drive her away like you did with Rebecca. [Booth turns back to Hodgins] BOOTH: Whoa, I did not drive Rebecca away. We both agreed that it wasn't right. HODGINS: After you asked and she said no. BOOTH: Well, when you say it like that it's... HODGINS: If it had been right, it wouldn't matter if you were married or not, would it? Because you'd have a life together. BOOTH: Great. Then why not get married? HODGINS: Because then we wouldn't be able to be together, see this is all coming so clear now! BOOTH: Not really. HODGINS: You put on that macho front, but inside you understand. BOOTH: I don't understand HODGINS That which the mind can't grasp... BOOTH: Alright, you know, I'm just trying to catch a murderer, but you seem to have gone way past that. HODGINS: It means a lot, knowing that you get it, man. Most guys... not secure enough to admit that. BOOTH: Hmm. I have a headache. [Booth's cell phone rings. He answers it.] BOOTH: (Into cell phone) Booth... Yeah. I'm on my way. [Booth hangs up his cell phone and turns to Hodgins, who is walking towards him] BOOTH: (CONT'D) Abby just... [Hodgins throws his arms around Booth's neck in a bear hug.] BOOTH: (CONT'D) (Uncomfortable)...Woke up... I need you to figure out what that stuff is. Okay. Um. It's so much easier just to fight and shoot guns. [Booth pulls Hodgins off of him, then turns and calls to Brennan] BOOTH: (CONT'D) Bones, she's awake, we're goin'! [Booth leaves; a very happy-looking Hodgins turns back to his work.] CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL - ABBY SINGER'S ROOM - DAY [Booth and Brennan are interviewing Abby, who is lying in a hospital bed, covered in bruises and cuts.] ABBY: Uh, we had a lot of cash. There had been robberies. Carly wanted to take the money to the ATM. Her and Dan fought about it, but Carly always did what she wanted. He ran outside yelling. I...I didn't want to get in the middle of it. You're- you're sure? She was stabbed? BRENNAN: Yes. BOOTH: What happened when you got in the car? ABBY: We didn't suspect anything. He must've been hiding in the backseat. BRENNAN: Did you get a look at him? ABBY: No. He was wearing a mask. I panicked, I uh... I tried to get out of the car. And, and he must've hit me, uh... cause the next thing I remember... is waking up in the dark. And, uh, I... I thought I'd been buried alive. Do you have any idea what that feels like? BRENNAN: Actually, I was buried alive in a car just a few months ago with a colleague. We were able to use the air bag cannis... BOOTH: (Cutting Brennan off) Bones. It's a rhetorical question. ABBY: I tried to fight. BOOTH: It's not your fault. ABBY: Was it... (Abby sighs) Did she suffer? BRENNAN: It was very quick. ABBY: The, uh... The four of us were planning on taking a vacation together. After the cookbook came out. BOOTH: We're sorry. [Abby nods and begins crying.] FADE TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY [Zack is showing his findings on the skeleton to Angela, Cam, and Hodgins.] ZACK: I took a second look at Carly's cervical vertebrae. The damage matches an acceleration flexion-extension neck injury. HODGINS: Whiplash. ANGELA: Abby's car stops suddenly. Carly doesn't have her seatbelt on, she's propelled forward, slamming her head into the dashboard and injuring her neck. ZACK: Exactly. ANGELA: (To Cam) What about what you found in the backseat? CAM: The vaginal secretions are consistent with Carly's DNA. ANGELA: So she was raped before she was killed? HODGINS: Any match on the semen? CAM: I ran the seminal DNA through CODIS and the military database, and found a match. [Cam turns to the computer and pulls up the seminal match profile.] CAM: (CONT'D) Ben Michaelson. ZACK: Abby's boyfriend? CAM: It would explain why he spared Abby. HODGINS: Carly's husband said Ben was with the reserves when Carly was killed. CAM: I wonder how hard it is to sneak off base. HODGINS: He wasn't on base. He was alone in the woods doing survival training. He could go rape and kill Carly, and no one would even find out he left. END ACT III ACT IV INT. FBI BUILDING - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY [Booth and Brennan are interrogating Ben] BEN: You spoke to Captain Gerard? Why didn't you just talk to me? BOOTH: Your reserve unit spent last weekend reviewing survival skills. BEN: Yeah. We were each dropped off at isolated locations and given rudimentary supply and navigation kits. BRENNAN: So basically, you were alone for two days. No one to corroborate your whereabouts. BEN: What are you saying? BOOTH: You spent two tours in Iraq. The Captain says you're one of his best men. BRENNAN: Someone as well trained as you would've easily been able to leave your assigned location and return to your rendezvous point with no one the wiser. BEN: But I didn't. BOOTH: See, first I was wondering, why would a carjacker kill one of his victims and let the other victim stay alive? That doesn't make sense. Hey, unless...maybe there's no carjacker. BEN: Wait, do you actually think that I- BRENNAN: The insurance money would've given you over half a million dollars. BOOTH: You've killed before. I've been in the service, some guys, they're just numb to it. BEN: Wait, this is insane! BOOTH: Then again, killing your meal ticket is one thing. And then, killing your girlfriend, that's another. BRENNAN: So you locked Abby in the trunk. BEN: No! BOOTH: See, the one thing I don't understand? The rape. BRENNAN: Yeah. BEN: What? BRENNAN: We have your DNA from the backseat of the car. Yours and Carly's. BOOTH: So what was it, then? Did you get turned on, thinking about killing her? [Ben stands up from the table] BEN: I want a lawyer. BOOTH: I'll bet you do. CUT TO: EXT. SUV TRAVELLING ALONG ROAD IN WASHINGTON, DC - DAY [Booth and Brennan are in Booth's SVU, discussing the case] BOOTH: You know, we'll get him, Bones, alright? Don't worry. BRENNAN: We do this all the time. You know, I should be used to it. It shouldn't bother me. BOOTH: No, it should. Was she, uh, really gonna teach you how to cook? BRENNAN: Yeah. I've always understood the basics of cooking, the physics of it, but... Carly said she was going to show me what it was really about. To her, she said that it was a way of... well, she said "loving," but then, she was prone to hyperbole. BOOTH: Well hey, I mean, that's what family dinners are all about, right? Those are some of my, uh, my best memories. BRENNAN: I'm not as cold as everyone thinks, Booth. BOOTH: Okay, that was a leap. BRENNAN: Just because I think marriage is an antiquated ritual doesn't mean that I don't want Angela and Hodgins to be happy. I have an appreciation and a need for emotional and physical intercourse, just like you. BOOTH: Yeah. Sure. I mean, okay, good for you with that. BRENNAN: Did I make you uncomfortable? BOOTH: No. Not at all. I just wanna focus. Let's just focus on the- on the case. BRENNAN: I did make you uncomfortable. CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL - ABBY SINGER'S ROOM - DAY [Booth and Brennan are interviewing Abby again] BOOTH: Listen, Abby, I know it's hard for you to go through this again, but do you remember hearing the carjacker's voice? ABBY: I, I must have. BOOTH: Close your eyes for me, okay? [Abby closes her eyes after a moment of reluctance] BOOTH: (CONT'D) I want you to try and hear that voice again. Can you do that for me? [Abby nods] BOOTH: (CONT'D) Does it sound familiar? Someone you might know? ABBY: What are you saying? BRENNAN: We're just asking, Abby. ABBY: Why? BOOTH: Ben's story that night, it might not check out. ABBY: What are you talking about? Ben would ne- we're like a family. It's not Ben. BOOTH: Abby, it's just a question we have to ask. BRENNAN: Do you remember the car making a sudden stop? ABBY: No. But I- I was unconscious in the trunk. BOOTH: (To Brennan) Could that be how she broke her wrist? BRENNAN: Possibly. Or when she was dragged, or thrown into the trunk. Abby, may I have permission to review your medical records? They could help us identify Carly's killer. ABBY: But... do you think it might really be Ben? BOOTH: It's just a possibility we have to pursue, that's all. ABBY: Okay. BOOTH: Thanks. [Exit Booth and Brennan] CUT TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - MAIN PLATFORM - DAY [Hodgins jogs up the steps of the main platform towards Zack and Angela.] HODGINS: I did it! I found the murder weapon! Or, what's left of it, anyway. I used the G.C. mass spectrometre to analyse the ceramic shards in the car. [Hodgins comes to the computer and pulls up a picture of Carly stirring something in a large bowl. Beside her, Abby holds up a large knife to the camera.] ZACK: The murder weapon was a ceramic bowl? HODGINS: It's not just the bowl that's ceramic. The knife is too. Booth mentioned that companies are sending her their products to endorse. ANGELA: Wait, a ceramic knife? HODGINS: Uh-huh. CUT TO: EXT. SUV DRIVING THROUGH STREET IN WASHINGTON, DC - DAY [Brennan's cell phone rings, she answers it.] BRENNAN: (Into cell phone) Brennan. [Camera cuts back to Hodgins, Angela, and Zack at the lab. Throughout the following conversation, we cut back and forth between the lab and the SUV.] HODGINS: The murder weapon was a ceramic knife. BRENNAN: (To Booth) Hodgins found the murder weapon. HODGINS: Zirconium oxide: super sharp and easy to shatter. In this case, you shatter it into a million pieces, no one knows it's a knife. Except me, of course. Using Angela's program, I matched the wounds to the blade. CAM: Either that trunk was packed with invisible pillows, or Abby's lying to us. BOOTH: Why? CAM: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah. Booth. Talk to me, squints, as close to English as possible. CAM: According to the medical report, Abby's got bumps and bruises, yes. But they aren't at all consistent with the way she would've been thrown around in that trunk. She should've had more broken bones. BRENNAN: Is there any evidence of Carly being raped? CAM: None that I found. ZACK: Me either. BRENNAN: But... the wounds on the ribs, the directionality of impact was left to right. CAM: Of course. ANGELA: I fits the scenario I was working out. HODGINS: So obvious! BOOTH: English! Remember? Okay? How does Ben figure into all this? BRENNAN: He doesn't. ZACK: The injuries fit if Abby was driving when the sudden stop occurred. BOOTH: Abby? BRENNAN: Yes, Abby. BOOTH: Why Abby? HODGINS: Look, I'm Abby. (Gesturing to Zack) You're Carly. ZACK: Why am I always the murder victim? HODGINS: Sit. BRENNAN: (Chuckling) Zack's always the murder victim. BOOTH: Mm. [Zack and Hodgins are now seated side by side in chairs, Hodgins imitates driving a car.] HODGINS: I'm just drivin' along. I undo Carly's seatbelt, slam on the brakes, she goes flying into the dash. Go. Go! Fly into the dash! [Hodgins whacks Zack on the back, Zack imitates flying into a dash.] ZACK: The concussion disorients me. [Zack mimes disorientation.] HODGINS: Okay, don't overdo it, sport. BOOTH: Okay, what are we missing here? CAM: The Stooges? BRENNAN: Abby's scaphoid fracture was right to left, which means she could've received that break while stabbing Carly. HODGINS: Yes! [Hodgins mimes stabbing Zack. Zack raises his arm to block the stabbing motions.] ZACK: I was wearing a punk bracelet, lots of metal. HODGINS: Uh huh. ZACK: That could easily fracture the scaphoid. [Hodgins mimes a broken wrist] HODGINS: Ack! BOOTH: Oh, okay, look. We know that Ben had s*x with Carly in the backseat of that car. But you didn't find any evidence of rape. BRENNAN: So the s*x they had was consensual. HODGINS: Thiiiis part will be left up to the imagination. [Hodgins stands and walks away from Zack.] BOOTH: And since there's no way to pinpoint the time the sexual activity took place... ANGELA: Ben and Carly were having an affair. CAM: And they did it in Abby's car? No wonder she was pissed. BOOTH: Abby is in charge of uh, of all the equipment Carly is sent for endorsement, so she knows about the knife... so, Abby kills Carly. HODGINS: Yes! Abby kills Carly, pulls her out of the car- [Hodgins resumes miming the actions; grabbing Zack and throwing him to the floor] CAM: Oh boy. HODGINS: Drags her into the old stone house... [Hodgins starts dragging Zack across the floor] ZACK: (Plaintively) I don't think this is necessary. HODGINS: ...Destroys the murder weapon, leaving us little tiny shards to find! CAM: Drives the car into the ravine, where she expects it'll be found quickly... BOOTH: And locks herself in the trunk. Wow. But, there was no hikers in the area to find her, because she didn't count on the rain. BRENNAN: Let's go back, Booth. [Booth starts the siren and the SUV pulls a u-turn] FADE TO: INT. HOSPITAL - ABBY SINGER'S ROOM - DAY [Cannonball by Damien Rice plays over a montage of Abby sobbing in her hospital bed while Booth and Brennan stand over her.] ABBY: (crying) Carly was my best friend. She was my best friend FADE TO: INT. MEDICO-LEGAL LAB - MAIN PLATFORM - NIGHT [While Cannonball continues to play, Hodgins is alone in the lab arranging raw shrimp on a tray. Angela walks up behind him. The music fades.] ANGELA: Hey, what are you doing in here? I thought we were gonna go for sushi. Ugh, it smells like sushi in here. HODGINS: Yeah. [Hodgins takes Angela by the arms.] HODGINS: (Clears throat) Look, Angela. I've been thinking. You're not like anyone I've ever known. And I don't want that to change. So I'm taking you the way you are. No strings. ANGELA: And the smell? HODGINS: P. phosphoreum. ANGELA: Oh, the fish bacteria? HODGINS: Close your eyes. [Angela places her hand over her eyes, Hodgins leads her to the tray on which he was arranging the raw shrimp.] HODGINS: (CONT'D) Be careful. ANGELA: Yeah. HODGINS: Okay, careful. Keep 'em closed. [While Angela keeps her hand over her eyes, Hodgins turns to a computer and lowers the lights in the lab.] HODGINS: (CONT'D) Okay. [Angela lowers her eyes, she sees that Hodgins has arranged the shrimp on the tray to spell out "BE MY LOVE" with hearts around "LOVE". The bacteria is causing the shrimp to glow in the dark.] ANGELA: Yes. Yes. Let's get married. HODGINS: No. No, no, no, this is- this is not a proposal. ANGELA: I know. That's why I'm asking you. HODGINS: Huh? ANGELA: What you said here... that we're enough... just this, no pressure for more... (Angela's voice breaks) that's all that I ever wanted. Hodgins, say something. HODGINS: You're insane. ANGELA: Is that a yes? HODGINS: Absolutely! [Hodgins kisses Angela] HODGINS: (CONT'D) Okay. Okay. Um. Alright. How- how about, uh, Italy! Italy in the spring? Um, Umbria?! ANGELA: No. Right away. Next week. HODGINS: We cannot get a wedding together in a week. ANGELA: We have to. One week. HODGINS: Uh... ANGELA: I could change my mind. It's up to you. HODGINS: Okay, yeah, just a small little thing then. ANGELA: No. Big. I want a big one. HODGINS: Totally. Insane. [Hodgins and Angela kiss again] FADE TO: INT. BRENNAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT [Booth is sitting at Brennan's kitchen table while Brennan finishes cooking at the counter. Soft rock plays in the background.] BOOTH: You know, you should let me help. BRENNAN: No. [Brennan brings a bowl in from the kitchen and sets it in front of Booth.] BRENNAN: (CONT'D) Cleaning up. You can do that. BOOTH: Great. Wow! (Booth giggles) Mac and cheese! [Brennan returns to the kitchen, gets a bowl for herself, and joins Booth at the table.] BOOTH: (CONT'D) Wow! Bones! This- this looks fantastic! BRENNAN: Yeah? Really? BOOTH: Oh, I mean, you shouldn't have, I mean, all this work just for me? BRENNAN: What? No, I mean. It wasn't that much. BOOTH: (Eating the mac and cheese) Mmm. (He gazes happily at Brennan) This is unbelievable. BRENNAN: You like it? BOOTH: I'd like to be alone with it. (He laughs) BRENNAN: She said I could go with my instincts, so I put in a little fresh ground nutmeg. BOOTH: Well, she taught you well. Thanks, Bones. BRENNAN: Yeah, well, you know. We have to eat, right? BOOTH: Yeah. Gotta eat. Always gotta eat. [Music swells, camera fades out on Booth and Brennan enjoying their meals.]

Brennan and Booth are called by Homeland Security to investigate the scene at an old stone house where some glowing bones have been found. Fearing the remains might be radioactive, the pair don protective hazmat suits and cautiously enter the house, where they find the glowing bones but no radioactivity. Back at the Jeffersonian, the team examines the bones and determines the identity of the victim, but there is no immediate explanation as to why the remains are emitting a green glow. With each of their specialties called upon, the whole Jeffersonian team joins Brennan and Booth in pursuing the murder mystery, which leads them to a group of friends who are shocked to discover one of their own is the victim. During the course of the investigation, the victim and their friends' MySpace pages, along with the photos, videos and blogs they contain, are a virtual tool for the Jeffersonian team's search for answers. Meanwhile, Hodgins professes his love for Angela in a very unusual way. In the end, Angela decides to propose to Hodgins and they agree to get married.

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[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] (Camera pulls out and away from the city.) [EXT. COPELAND RESIDENCE (STOCK) - NIGHT] (A dog barks. The house is dark; the lights are off. The dog continues to bark and growl viciously at something.) [INT. RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT] (Mr and Mrs. Copeland are sleeping in bed. They get up.) Mr. Copeland: Tucker's barking. Mrs. Copeland: Probably another coyote. (Suddenly, they hear something clanging from downstairs. Mr. Copeland looks at the open bedroom door. The sounds continue.) (He opens the nightstand drawer and takes out a gun.) Mrs. Copeland: What are you doing? (He snaps the cartridge in the gun, loading it.) Mr. Copeland: Call the police. (He walks over to the door and looks out. He turns back.) Mr. Copeland: (whispers) Do it! Mrs. Copeland: (whispers) Okay! (She picks up the phone and makes the call.) (He heads downstairs. In the background, we hear the dog's low growl, then a whimper.) (He reaches the bottom of the stairs and finds someone in the kitchen taking food from the refrigerator. His arms are full of food and he's stuffing whatever he can in his mouth.) Mr. Copeland: Freeze! I said freeze! (The intruder drops the food and runs out of the house. He runs outside.) Mr. Copeland: I'm not afraid to use this. (The man chases him out of the house. He stops running when he finds a large group of people in his yard. He's stunned for a moment. They all are.) Mr. Copeland: Nobody move. (Suddenly, the group runs.) (The man starts to chase them, then trips over a dead body.) Mr. Copeland: Oh, my God. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [EXT. COPELAND RESIDENCE - BACK YARD -- NIGHT] (Catherine snaps photos of the dead man. David Phillips takes the liver temperature.) David Phillips: No wallet, no ID. (The thermometer beeps.) 80.6 degrees. He's been dead around twelve hours. Catherine: Broken nose, broken cheekbone. Somebody worked him over pretty good. There's a piece of his shirt that's missing. That doesn't look like a tear from a struggle. It looks like it got snagged on something. (She looks around and snaps photos of the shoe prints in the dirt near the fence.) Catherine: There's heavy foot traffic but no blood. It's got to be a body dump. David Phillips: Could be. Catherine: But why here? (Brass walks over to Catherine. She notices the sheet over a second body nearer the house.) Catherine: Dispatch didn't say anything about another body. Brass: It's Tucker, their dog. He was found dead with his tongue hanging out. I guess they must've slipped it something. Catherine: I'll get its blood to tox. Brass: The homeowner said that nothing was missing in the house but food. Catherine: They get a look at the intruders? Brass: Yeah, the husband says they were dirty, you know, like filthy, like they hadn't showered in months. Didn't know if there were five or fifty of them. Where is he? (Catherine motions with her head.) (Grissom is standing outside the light and looking up at the sky at the meteor shower overhead.) (Brass walks up to him.) Grissom: The Orionid meteor shower. You never get a view like this in town. Brass: Hmm. So, uh, is this part of the investigation? Grissom: No. But we're here, and it's beautiful. (Grissom turns on his flashlight and points it on the ground in front of him.) Grissom: Footprints going in both directions. They came and they went. Brass: So dump the body, raid the refrigerator. Grissom: Maybe they had an appetite for murder. (Grissom and Brass both turn and look up at the sky.) SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. COPELAND RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Brass checks the back sliding door and sees that the screen is ripped. He uses a pen and pushes the sliding door open. He steps into the house.) Brass: Well, it's no secret how they got in. (Sara is in the kitchen dusting the refrigerator for fingerprints. Brass sees the food on the floor.) Brass: Whoa. Looks like somebody had a super bowl party in here. Sara: They had some kind of party. Suspect made a mess. Seems like they were looking for junk food. (Brass puts on a pair of gloves. See sees the fingerprints on the refrigerator door.) Sara: Somebody had sticky fingers. [EXT. COPELAND RESIDENCE - DAY] (Catherine jumps over the fence and joins Grissom on the other side. He's staring out at the desert.) Catherine: It's a big desert. Grissom: About 25,000 square miles. Catherine: And the nearest town is Pahrump. That's about 30 miles from here. (Grissom shows her his canteen.) Grissom: But I got water. We can share. (He heads out.) Catherine: Who are you today, Moses? (Catherine takes out her phone and dials.) Catherine: (to phone) Yeah, Jim, uh ... (chuckles) Grissom and I are going to take a little walk. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Nick walks in. They go over Robbins' findings.) Nick: Hey, Doc. Robbins: Hi, there, Nick. I've lost count as to how many broken bones this guy has. Multiple fractures to the spine, ribs, pelvis, skull. Multiple lacerations and contusions. No vital response to the injuries. Nick: Perimortem. Robbins: Yep. Nick: He was dumped in a backyard by a whole bunch of other people. Do you think they could've beat him to death? Robbins: Nick, it took a lot of people to do this. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COPELAND RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Warrick snaps photos of the shoe prints on the dirt. He makes a plaster cast of the prints.) (When the casts dry, he removes them and lines them up.) Warrick: Dirty dozen. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT -- DAY] (Grissom and Catherine are out walking in the desert following the tracks as it leads them farther and farther away from the house.) Grissom: I count five distinct treads: boots, shoes, sneakers. Drag marks are always right in the middle -- thin, parallel lines. Catherine: The vic's shoes were scuffed at the toes, so he must've been dragged. (Quick flash of: The victim's feet drag on the ground as people half carry, half drag him. End of flash.) (Catherine finds a candy wrapper caught on a branch.) Catherine: Well, whoever they are, they like junk food. Grissom: Who doesn't? (They continue walking.) Grissom: You ever seen the Pyramids? Catherine: Does the Luxor count? Eh, what do you think? I haven't even been to New York. Grissom: I'd like to see the Pyramids one day. Catherine: Keep walking, we could come upon them today. (Grissom smiles.) Catherine: So you like archeology, huh? Grissom: Oh, yeah. Whenever I want to feel small. (In the distance, they see a column of black smoke rising in the air.) Grissom: Smoke? [SCENE_BREAK] (Catherine and Grissom walk up to the burnt car. Catherine snaps some photos.) Catherine: I found the point of ignition. (She snaps a couple of photos.) Catherine: Molotov. (Quick flash of: Someone lights the fuse and leaves. The car explodes. End of flash.) (Grissom is looking at the back of the car, when he stops and stands up.) Grissom: You hear that? (He turns and looks around.) Catherine: Sounds like a motor. (Nearby is a compound.) Catherine: Think someone's in there? (They head for the compound.) (As they approach the compound, Grissom sees the generator running on the side of the wall.) Grissom: This looks like some sort of observation post. Maybe used to monitor nuclear tests. (They head for the entrance.) Catherine: Half of Nevada was a weapon site. (Grissom starts walking down the entryway stairs.) Catherine: Stop. You're not going any further without backup. (Catherine's phone rings. She answers it.) Brass: (from phone) Catherine, where the hell are you guys? Catherine: (looking around) That's a good question, Jim. I think we're about three miles northeast of the Copeland house, in front of some kind of military installation. (Static crackles over the phone.) Brass: (from phone) Hello, Catherine. Catherine: Jim, can you hear me? Brass: (from phone) I'm losing ... Catherine: you're breaking up. Jim? (She hangs up.) Catherine: Lost him. Grissom: Well, we got two choices: Go back ... or go forward. (Catherine takes her gun out. Grissom turns and heads inside the compound.) [INT. COMPOUND - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom opens the door and looks inside.) Catherine: I don't hear anything but the generator. (Grissom and Catherine both turn their flashlights on. She nods to Grissom.) Catherine: After you. (Grissom steps inside. High above them is a large ceiling fan. Down below are several floors.) Grissom: (shouts) Las Vegas Crime Lab! Catherine: (shouts) Anyone here? (They walk deeper into the compound. The hallway wall is covered with graffiti.) (At the end of the hallway, they reach a large room lined on either side with wire cots. There's a dead person on each cot.) (Grissom and Catherine walk into the room.) (Grissom knocks over an empty water bottle.) Grissom: I count eleven. Catherine: Me, too. They're so young. (The bed on the end is empty.) Grissom: And number twelve is missing. Maybe that was the guy we found in the yard. (Behind them, a loud clanging sounds. Catherine whirls around, her gun raised.) Catherine: (shouts) Who's there?! (There's no answer. Grissom and Catherine head back toward the doorway) Catherine: (shouts) Las Vegas Crime Lab! Identify yourself! (Suddenly, two officers appear in the doorway.) Officer: Don't shoot, don't shoot. LVPD. Captain Brass radioed us. Said you might be in here and need assistance. (Grissom turns around and looks at the dead bodies in the room.) Grissom: Well, unfortunately, we're not the ones who need the help. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BUNKER -- DAY] (Greg looks into the burned car's broken window. He can barely make out a VIN number. He walks to the other side of the car and looks at the burned glove compartment. He snaps a photo of it. He takes out what looks like a burned piece of an ID card.) (An SUV drive up. Nick gets out of the car.) Nick: Hey! (Nick waves to Greg, who waves back. Nick heads over to Robbins, who stands near the compound entrance.) Robbins: Hey, Nick. Nick: How many we looking at Doc? Robbins: Eleven total. And it's hot. You got to move. Nick: Okay. (Nick heads for the compound, then stops when he realizes that it goes underground. He overhears two officers talking to each other.) Man: Yeah, eighty feet underground, no A/C. Thought I was going to suffocate. Man 2: I can't even get down there. Claustrophobic. Man: Yeah. Uh, listen, preliminary sketch here ... (Nick glances back at them. He looks at the compound and forces himself to continue.) (He pauses at the door and takes several deep breaths. He heads inside.) [INT. COMPOUND - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Nick walks down the stairs. He passes an officer on his way out. The officer points down below.) Officer: Just keep on going. (Nick reaches the corridor. He passes the coroners wheeling out a gurney with a body bag. Nick continues down the corridor.) [INT. SLEEPING CHAMBERS - COMPOUND - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Various photo flashes of: The empty water bottle, the victim's ankle, the victim's face.) (Catherine continues snapping photos. Nick arrives and walks up to Catherine.) Nick: Oh, man. What is this place, a mini Jonestown? Catherine: I don't know if they drank spiked Kool-Aid, but they drank something. Smells like alcohol. Nick: I'll process the bottles. (Nick heads for the end of the row of beds.) (On the empty bed is an empty water bottle and funnel. Catherine takes a picture of it.) (Nick picks up the funnel and looks at it.) (Camera zooms in and notes the residual on the outside of the funnel.) (Grissom looks around the compound and comes across a large room. On one of the walls, he finds various article clippings posted - of aliens, Stonehenge, the Pyramids, astrology and other things. On the opposite wall near a single bed, he finds a mural of people ascending into a spaceship through a white beam of light.) (Next to the bed is a nightstand filled with bottles and things. Just behind the bed is a large metal sphere with a ring around it. Grissom walks up to the planet and turns it on. The light from inside the metal planet shines through the holes in the surface, casting different sized spots of light on the ceiling and walls as it turns.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins has two bodies out on the table. Camera moves through the first autopsy room and into the hallway where we see that the other bodies are pushed up against both walls.) (Camera continues through the hallway into a second room where Warrick and Sara are documenting the physical evidence gathered from the bodies. Warrick takes a photo and matches it against one of the victim's shoes while Sara is taking photos.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (On the table in front of them, Warrick has the shoe prints and the casts from the Copeland house matched.) Warrick: Well, I've matched the shoes from all the bodies in the bunker to the impressions that we found at the scene. Sara: You got one extra. Warrick: It's a size eight athletic shoe. I can't account for it. It doesn't belong to the guy who was dumped there, and I've already ruled out Mr. and Mrs. Copeland. Sara: So one of the people that dragged that body through the desert did not die in the bunker. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUNKER - CIRCULAR ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom snaps photos of the mural on the wall while Catherine is processing the bed. After snapping several photos, Grissom pauses.) Grissom: The mythology here appears to be similar to the Heaven's Gate Cult in California several years ago. They committed mass suicide to shed their earthly bodies and hitch a ride on a spaceship hidden in the tail of the Hale-Bopp comet. Catherine: Well, these earthly bodies got a good workout first. Big room, big bed, light show. This cult was about getting laid. Grissom: Well, Jim Jones and Charles Manson used s*x to manipulate their followers. I'm guessing they were timing their ascension to the Orionid meteor shower last night? Catherine: So while you were watching shooting stars, they were dying. Grissom: There's twelve bunks in there, one bed in here. There should be thirteen bodies. One prophet, twelve apostles. Catherine: And two people are missing. Grissom: Maybe they caught the spaceship. Catherine: Well ... would you settle for a flying saucer? (Catherine finds a metal bowl with burned pieces of paper inside. Grissom snaps photos of the bowl and contents.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUNKER - CORRIDOR -- DAY] (Nick is headed out carrying several evidence bags when something on the floor catches his eyes. He shines his flashlight on what appears to be smudges of blood on the metal floor.) (He looks at the blood on the floor and takes a couple of steps back, but the blood smudges stop. He then looks up at the walkways above.) (He sees some cloth caught on one of the metal walkways.) (Quick flash of: A body falls from above and hits the metal walkway, causing a tear in the clothes. End of flash. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Greg smashes through the windshielf and removes the VIN plate off the front dashboard. He works on it and gets the VIN: YZ1AX8848E194189.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Greg reports his findings to Sara.) Greg: VIN plate on the burned-out car came back to a Vivian Bentley. She died two years ago at the ripe old age of 90. Car was never re-registered. Sara: Dead end. Greg: Not exactly. I also found a melted name tag with a sunburst logo. Figured I'd let my fingers do the walking. Sara: You scanned the yellow pages. Greg: I knew the first three letters. By the way, do you know how many companies in Las Vegas start with S-U-N? Sara: I so don't care. Greg: Well, only one has the sunburst logo: Sunview Travel Agency. Vivian's grandson, Ty Bentley, works there. I pulled his DMV photo. (He shows her the copy of the NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE. It reads: IC# 1800592214 EXPIRES: 02-17-2006 ISSN: ??03-45-734 CLASS: C ENDORSE RESTRICTIONS BIRTHDATE: ??-17-1975 s*x: M HEIGHT: 5'7" WEIGHT: 165 EYES: BRN HAIR: BRN BENTLEY, TY 7748 CANYON AVENUE. LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 ) Sara: That's the guy that was dumped at the house. Greg: Brass is going to check it out. How are we doing on the other IDs? Sara: Including the one that you just made, we got one. (She hands the file folder to Greg and walks out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SUNVIEW TRAVEL AGENCY - LOBBY -- DAY] (Brass is talking with the travel manager.) Travel Manager: Ty hasn't been here for the last two days. Didn't even call in. This is his desk. It's really not like him. Is he okay? Brass: Does Ty work here full time? Travel Manager: Yeah. Puts in more hours than anybody. Brass: Was he a member of any religious organizations that you know of? Travel Manager: I don't know. It never really came up. Something happened to him, didn't it? Brass: Yeah. So the last time you saw him was two days ago? (Brass finds a photo of Ty Bentley with a young woman.) Travel Manager: He's worked here over a year, never raised his voice. Then this strange-looking customer came in. Ty must've known him ... (Quick flashback of: Ty stands and yells at an older man.) Ty Bentley: I want to talk to Emma, you freak! Joseph Diamond: She's moving on, boy. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Would that customer's information still be in the computer? Travel Manager: Nobody's touched it since. Should be the last entry. (She sits at the desk and uses the computer. Brass shows her the photo.) Brass: Do you know the person in this photo? Travel Manager: That's Emma, Ty's girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. They broke up last year. Here we go. Last customer was a Joseph Diamond. Booking a trip to Australia-Sydney-one way. Brass: One way. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (The print search runs on the database. The computer beeps showing a "POSITIVE MATCH". Sara walks in. Mandy Websterk reports.) Sara: Any good news, Mandy? Mandy: A little bit. A male DB, at the bunker--matched your partial from the kitchen door. So far, he's the only one with a record. (The following record appears on screen: FILE PRINT A LAS VEGAS POLICE NAME: MATTHEW DICKENS AGE: 19 HEIGHT: 5'8" WEIGHT: 130 LBS EYES: BLUE RACE: CAUCASIAN s*x: MALE HAIR: BROWN DOB: MAR 1, 1986 LAST KNOWN ADDRESS: WESTERN LAS VEGAS UNIVERSITY SUNSET HALL, 574 CANYON GROVE LAS VEGAS, NY 89107 STATUTE: HRS 205 0528 ARREST: MISDEMEANOR PETTY THEFT DISPOSITION: ONE YEAR PROBATION (2002) STATUTE: HRS 205 0528 ARREST: MISDEMEANOR PETTY THEFT DISPOSITION: ONE YEAR PROBATION (2004) Mandy: Matthew Dickens, 19. Busts for petty theft. Sara: College student. Mandy: Yeah, very impressionable. When I start my religion that's where I'm going to recruit. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. WESTERN LAS VEGAS UNIVERSITY (STOCK) - DAY] Man (Ryan?): (V.O.) I remember him. Matt Dickens. We used to call him Hollywood. [EXT. WESTERN LAS VEGAS UNIVERSITY - CAMPUS -- DAY] (Sofia Curtis talks with two students. Dexter is playing a hand-held game. He's wearing earplugs.) Ryan: He was in our, uh, our freshman dorm. He was a ... Dexter: ... religious studies major. Ryan: Right. Hard core trekkie, too. Dexter: Mars bars. Ryan: Right. That dude loved junk food. He smoked a ton of weed. Dexter: Guy was a loser. (Sofia grabs the game from Dexter. He pulls the earplugs out from his ears.) Sofia Curtis: What do you mean? Dexter: His parents sent him loads of cash. He spent it all on dope, and then he stole stuff to get more dope. Sofia Curtis: According to the registrar, he was taking classes till the end of term last fall. Why did he leave? Dexter: He started hanging out with some other losers, and they convinced him to drop out. Ryan: Yeah, there was a redhead. She was hot, but in a ... in a weird kind of way. Dexter: Hollywood was a moron. One week, the guy's saving the whales, and the next week, he's American Taliban. Ryan: Yeah. He was totally into that girl. Sofia Curtis: She have a name? Dexter: Emma. (She shows them a morgue photo of Emma.) Sofia Curtis: Was this her? (Ryan looks at the photo and points.) Ryan: Is she dead? Sofia Curtis: They're all dead. Ryan: Emma was working Hollywood with some old guy named Diamond. Sofia Curtis: Working him? Dexter: Yeah, they were running some kind of religious scam. E-Emma tried to recruit me ... with her hands down my pants. Ryan: She did that to me, too. Dexter: No kidding? Ryan: Yeah. Dexter: (sighs) Anyway, uh, the second she started talking about outer space and transcendence, I blew her off, 'cause I do not waste time on crazy chicks. Ryan: She was really hot, though. Dexter: That was almost a year ago. Then the last time I saw Hollywood, he was with some other freak. A notch down, though. Abbey ... I think her name was. They said they were going to some better place. Ryan: I thought they meant UCLA. (The two boys look at each other and chuckle. They quickly stop when they look at Sofia.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BUNKER -- DAY] (Catherine is on the phone. She's walking quickly out of the bunker.) Catherine: (to phone) Nick, I got a real low signal; you're cutting in and out. Say that again. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nick is walking past reception.) Nick: (to phone) I said all the prints on the bottles belong to the victims. The prints on the funnel came back unknown though. Catherine: And what about the blood in the elevator shaft? Nick: It matched to Ty Bentley, but we can't confirm he was murdered. For all we know, he fell down that shaft. Catherine: No, that's unlikely, after all they torched his car, dragged his body three miles and dumped it in the Copelands' backyard. Anything on the liquid in the bottles? Nick: Yeah, tox results just came back: 40 grams percent ethanol. Now, that's about 80 proof. Kind of smelled like vodka, the cheap stuff. Catherine: Nobody dies from a martini. Nick: No, but you add ten grams percent of ketamine and they do. Catherine: Well, that's enough to kill a horse. (Nick walks into the break room and gets himself a cup of coffee.) Nick: Yeah, or the Copelands' dog for that matter. Ketamine's a disassociative anesthetic, which means they were hallucinating, having out-of-body experiences ... Catherine: So I was wrong; they did take a trip. Nick: Well, there are a lot of different ways they could have killed themselves, so I'm guessing that was the point. Catherine: Ten grams percent of ketamine times 12 bottles, that's 300 milliliters of ketamine? Can't score that on the street. (Nick picks up his cup of coffee and walks across the break room.) Nick: Well, we didn't find any ephedrine, which is generally used to cut ketamine. Veterinarians use liquid injectable ketamine as an animal sedative, so Sofia's checking with the local vets now. (Grissom walks up to Catherine.) Catherine: What did autopsy say time of death was? Grissom: 3:15 A.M.? Nick: Between 3:00 and 3:30. Catherine: (to Grissom) How did you know that? Grissom: That's when the Orionid meteor shower passed over Vegas. Ask him if they all died about the same time. Catherine: Nick, was TOD same for everyone? Nick: Approximately. It varied with body weight. Took between 12 and 20 minutes for them to die. (Quick flash of: Someone drinks from the bottle of water. He falls back on the bed and groans in pain with everyone else. End of flash. Resume to present.) Nick: Ketamine's really hard on the stomach; it induces vomiting. (Quick flash of: Someone throws up. End of flash.) Nick: I think a combination of alcohol and the drug just slowed their lungs. (Quick flash of: Someone falls back on the bed. Camera zooms in for a close-up. The person's eyes open wide.) (Quick CGI POV of: The camera zooms in to the person and shows their lungs stop working. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Nick: (from phone) Ultimately, they died of respiratory arrest. (In the distance, Catherine sees buzzards flying overhead.) Catherine: Okay, thanks, Nicki. Got to go. (She hangs up.) Catherine: (to Grissom) Did you notice those buzzards earlier? Grissom: No. But something sure smells good to them. (They both head off toward the buzzards.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. EXAM ROOM -- DAY] (Warrick is having his throat checked.) Tina Brown: Say "ah." Warrick: Ah. Tina Brown: Ahh ... Warrick: Ahh ... Tina Brown: Sore throat, you say? Okay, I don't see any inflammation. Take off your shirt, please. (Warrick starts to unbutton his shirt. He looks at his wife.) Warrick: Can't we just make out? Tina Brown: I'm working, Mr. Brown. Warrick: I don't care, Mrs. Brown. (He pulls her toward him and they kiss.) Tina Brown: There's nothing wrong with you. You're just working too hard. Warrick: What time you get off shift? Tina Brown: Midnight. You? Warrick: Who knows? Tina Brown: I got to get back to work. (They step out into the hallway and start to kiss.) Woman: (over loudspeaker) Dr. Curry, please check with the message center. Dr. Curry, please check with the message center. (He looks up and sees a man talking with a woman at the end of the hallway. The man looks back at Warrick. Tina glances back at the man. She looks at Warrick.) Tina Brown: Don't even say it, Warrick. Warrick: I didn't say anything. You got to admit, though, working around the ex is a little strange. Tina Brown: It was a long time ago. Warrick: It was a year ago. Tina Brown: You have to trust me. Warrick: I do trust you. Tina Brown: Look, there's still so much that we don't know about each other yet. Okay? (Warrick nods.) Tina Brown: But we've got the rest of our lives to figure it out. (They kiss. Tina leaves. Warrick watches her go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT -- DAY] (Grissom and Catherine find a car under a makeshift roof.) Grissom: Are you having the same mirage I'm having? Catherine: A silver Beemer in the middle of the damn desert? Yeah. Nice wheels. Somebody sure went out of their way to hide this car. Grissom: Well, you can sure smell what the buzzards are after. Catherine: Decomp. (They pop the trunk and find the dead body inside.) Catherine: Fits the description of the leader, Joseph Diamond. Guess he never made it to Australia. Grissom: Something tells me this wasn't a suicide. Like this tire iron-- convenient weapon of choice. Catherine: Well, assuming this is Diamond and Ty Bentley was a spurned lover and not a member of the cult ... we're still short one body. Grissom: Which I believe makes that body our number one suspect. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Warrick is in the lab pulling out the partially burned pieces of paper. He groups the pieces together.) (Various dissolves of Warrick working.) (As he finishes the papers, he places a piece of glass over it. He puts the glass and paper into the machine. He passes it under different colored lights to see the writing on it.) (The first burned letter is from "Mom".) (Cut to: Warrick scans the letter into the copier.) (Cut to: Warrick pins copies of the different letters up on the wall. He looks at the letters.) Voice (woman): (V.O.) "Thank you for writing. Your father and I miss you so much." Voice (man): (V.O.) "Money's kind of tight, I hope this helps. Send more when I can." Voice (woman 2): (V.O.) "Mom and Dad went to the police to report you missing. Please come home, even if it's just a visit." Voice (man 2): (V.O.) "I don't understand what you're doing with your life. Your roommate says you left your things behind." Voice (man 3): (V.O.) "I wish you could tell me why you need this money." Voice (man 4): (V.O.) "Mom says you joined a commune. She's mad. Hey, Dad sent the money. When you talk to Mom ..." Voice (woman 3): (V.O.) "No more money until I hear from you. I love you." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Brass and Sara walk through the hallway.) Brass: The FBI keeps tabs on high-risk groups, cults, religious fanatics. They were good enough to fax this over. Makes good reading. (He hands her the report. They walk into his office.) Sara: "Joseph Diamond, AKA Sirus Bent, AKA Kelvin Adams ..." (Brass and Sara sit down.) Brass: Yeah, he founded a group called "Soul Survivors" in Tulsa in the mid- 90s. A few years later, same thing in Guadalajara, Mexico. Sara: "Recruited susceptible youths, keeping them isolated for nine months to a year." Brass: Yeah, prior to the arrival of the mother ship, which they can only enter in spirit form, leaving their temporal vehicles, their bodies, behind. Sara: Mass suicide. Brass: Attempted mass suicide. They woke up -- probably with a hangover -- and both Diamond and their money were gone. And in both cases, his disappearance coincided with a meteor shower just like the one last night. Sara: Only last night everybody died. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Robbins goes over the body with Grissom.) Robbins: Depressed fracture. Grissom: Well, we found a tire iron at the scene. Robbins: That would do it. Grissom: What about TOD? Robbins: Well, it's hard to say. Desert heat, locked in a trunk ... both can make liver temp actually rise. Grissom: What about relative to the other bodies? Did he die before or after the others? Robbins: Given the degree of decomp, it appears that he died before the others. I can run some chemical tests, but that's going to take some time. (David walks up to the body and lifts the shirt.) David Phillips: What's this? (He finds a belt wrapped around the body's waist. He unzips the belt and takes out folded bills.) David Phillips: Hmm, looks like a money belt. (Warrick walks in as David hands some money to Robbins.) Robbins: Gives new meaning to "strapped for cash." Warrick: Diamond was running a cash business. He had all those kids write home and ask for money. His return address was a P.O. Box that I found. (Grissom reaches into the money bag and takes out a plastic bag of pills.) Robbins: I didn't find any undigested pills in the victims' stomachs. Warrick: We assumed that they were ingesting a liquid ketamine. Grissom: So what are these? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Henry Andrews reports to Grissom.) Henry Andrews: Zolpidem. Popped one when I went to Europe. Six hours sleep, no hangover. Grissom: Are there enough pills in that bag to kill 11 people? Henry Andrews: Well, if only one person downed all these, yes, it'd be lethal. But divvied up, no way. Zolpidem's a pretty safe sedative. Grissom: And from what we know, Diamond was a con man, not a murderer. (Greg walks in.) Greg: Hey, I lifted a partial off that tire iron. Matched it to a print that Nick lifted off the funnel from the bunker. Whoever whacked Diamond mixed the ketamine cocktail. Grissom: So who brought the ketamine to the party? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. VETERINARIAN'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Sofia and Nick walk into the vet.) Sofia Curtis: They had a break-in the day before yesterday. Nick: Has it been forensicated? Sofia Curtis: Not yet. Not much stolen, so ... Nick: It's a low priority for CSI. Sofia Curtis: Expensive equipment, pharmaceuticals -- doctor even had his laptop open on the desk. They obviously knew what they wanted. Nick: Hmm, and where to look for it. Drugs have been alphabetized. Missing drug was between ivermectin otic suspension and methocarbamol. Nick: "K" for ketamine. Sofia Curtis: Yeah. They took it all. Nick: Okay, well, it's probably an inside job. Just get me a list of current and former employees, and we'll ... go from there. Thanks. (She hands him the list.) CONFIDENTIAL EMPLOYEE LIST AARON CAPOLA 1153 STONE CREEK LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 CARLISLE DEAMS 170 STORM CLOUD LN. SUMMERLIN, NV 89129 JANET FROMMER 17611 COLLIE LANE ... ) Nick: Wow, it's alphabetized. (She puts on her gloves.) Now what are you doing? Sofia Curtis: You'll be dusting for prints. I'll help. Nick: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - MORGUE / HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Warrick slides the table out to allow Mr. and Mrs. Meyers a chance to identify the body of the young woman on it.) Mr. Meyers: That's Emma. That's our daughter. (They cry.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Warrick leads the Meyers out into the hallway with the other family members. Mrs. Meyers turns and stops Warrick.) Mrs. Meyers: Excuse me, sir. Mrs. Spencer isn't here. Her daughter went to college with Emma. They disappeared at the same time. Uh, we both received letters from them last month. Warrick: Spencer, you said? Mrs. Meyers: Her daughter's name was Abigail. Warrick: Well, ma'am, you see, the letters that we recovered were damaged. Not all of them yielded a name. Mrs. Meyers: Well, perhaps she was luckier than me. (They turn to leave; Warrick stops them.) Warrick: Ma'am ... would you be able to identify Abigail? Mrs. Meyers: (nods) Absolutely. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - NIGHT] (Nick is in front of the computer running the prints through the database. Warrick walks in just as the computer beeps to show a "MATCH FOUND".) Warrick: Nick, you have that employee list from the vet's office? (Nick hands the folder to Warrick.) Nick: The prints found at the clinic break-in are a perfect match to the ones lifted off of the tire iron and the funnel. (Warrick looks at the employee list: EARL MICHAELS 50 VIKING CIRCLE LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 ABIGAIL SPENCER 217 WOLF COURT LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 Warrick: Abigail Spencer. She was a cult member. She used to work for your vet until last year, and she's missing. Nick: Her W-2's in the file. Warrick: I'll call Brass. (Warrick leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SPENCER RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT] (Brass and Warrick knock on the front door. Mrs. Spencer opens the door.) Brass: Mrs. Spencer? Mrs. Spencer: Yeah? Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas police. Do you have a daughter named Abigail? Mrs. Spencer: Yes. Why? Brass: We have a warrant to search these premises. Mrs. Spencer: A warrant? What for? Brass: Your daughter is wanted for questioning in the murder of Joseph Diamond. (He shows her the warrant and steps past her into the house.) Mrs. Spencer: I haven't seen Abigail in almost a year. I have no idea where she is. (Brass heads for the bedrooms and finds an unmade bed. He touches the sheets.) Brass: The bed's still warm. Where is she? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY - NIGHT] (Abigail Spencer is running down the alleyway.) [INT. SHED - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Abigail steps into a shed and hides in a corner. She uncaps several bottles and drinks it. She chokes a little, then uncaps a large bottle of vodka and drinks that.) (She closes her eyes and looks up.) Abigail Spencer: (softly) Please. Take me with you. (The shed starts to rumble and the tools hanging on the wall fall off. The shed continues to rumble. A bright light shines outside.) (Abigail gets to her feet and walks to the center of the shed. The bright light shines down on Abigail.) (Above, we hear the sounds of helicopter blades whirring.) (Abigail spreads her arms out to receive the light.) (Just then, the shed door opens and Brass walks in. Abigail looks stunned. A voice from the helicopter speaker filters through the blades whirring.) Voice (man): (over helicopter speaker) Freeze! Remain where you are. (Abigail closes her eyes and falls to the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - ROOM - DAY] (Abigail opens her eyes and finds Grissom sitting next to her hospital bed.) Grissom: Abigail? Abigail Spencer: You pumped my stomach? Grissom: Yeah. Just in time. (She turns her back to Grissom.) Grissom: Are you disappointed? Abigail Spencer: They're all up there right now. In rapture. A higher plane of existence. No wars, poverty, politics. Our bodies are just shells. They're worthless. Grissom: Well, how come you didn't die with your friends? And why exactly did you kill Mr. Diamond? Abigail Spencer: He was the most beautiful person I ever met. (Quick flashback to: Joseph Diamond speaks to a group of kids as they sit on the ground listening to him.) (Cut to: Joseph Diamond grunts and rolls off Abigail Spencer in bed. She stares up at the moving lights across the dark ceiling.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: We found your fingerprint on a tire iron that was used to split his head open. Abigail Spencer: He always said we'd be tested. (Quick flashback to: Joseph Diamond opens the car trunk as Abigail walks up to him.) Abigail Spencer: (V.O.) I was taking a walk when I spotted a car parking about a mile away from the compound. (She surprises him.) Abigail Spencer: Whose car is this? Where have you been? Joseph Diamond: I received a message last night from the Orionid. I have to move on, spread the word. Abigail Spencer: What about us? Joseph Diamond: Come with me, Abbey. We'll do it together ... somewhere near a beach. Abigail Spencer: We're ascending tomorrow night to the mother ship. Joseph Diamond: You're a smart girl. (He takes out a small plastic bag with the pills inside and gives it to Abbey.) Joseph Diamond: Just two or three of these, and everyone will get a real good night's sleep. Time to get out of town. Everyone's parents have been really good to me. (He turns his back to her and continues to put his things in the trunk of the car.) Joseph Diamond: I got forty grand. (Abigail picks up the tire iron and hits him over the head with it.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Abigail Spencer: I knew the others would be looking to me now. Grissom: But you didn't tell them, did you? Abigail Spencer: We were on a schedule. Grissom: And fortunately, you knew where to find something a little stronger than zolpidem? Abigail Spencer: It was important that no one suffered. Grissom: Ty Bentley suffered. Abigail Spencer: That was unfortunate. (Quick flashback to: Abigail sees Ty Bentley arrive with his own car. She sees him running toward them.) Abigail Spencer: (V.O.) Ty must've followed Diamond back to our compound. I'm sure he was looking for his ex-girlfriend, Emma. (Cut to: In the bunker, Ty pulls Emma toward the door.) Ty Bentley: These people are freaks, Emma! You're coming with me! Emma Meyers: This is my family now. Ty Bentley: Fine. I'm coming back, and I'm bringing the cops with me. (Ty Bentley leaves. On the way out, Abigail walks in. She grabs him and pushes him over the railing. He falls down the shaft, hitting one of the metal railings on the way down.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Abigail Spencer: Emma lost it, said we couldn't leave his body there. The others started to get restless. Grissom: And as you said, you were on a schedule. The peak of the meteor shower was 3:00 A.M. Abigail Spencer: (nods) We agreed to dump the body where it would be found ... given a decent burial. Grissom: And then you went back to the compound ... and you used the funnel to distribute the ketamine and vodka. (Quick flashback to: The funnel is placed on a water bottle. The ketamine bottles are opened and poured into the funnel. End of flashback.) Abigail Spencer: I had to be the last to drink. Grissom: Did you watch them all die? What was it like? (Quick flashback to: The kids drink the bottle and start coughing and throwing up. They groan and cry out in pain. On the last bunker, Abigail stares at her water bottle. She doesn't drink. One by one, they gasp for breath and die on their beds. She recaps the bottle.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Abigail Spencer: They just died. Grissom: And you went home to your mother. Abigail Spencer: I know they're all up there ... happy ... healthy ... perfect. You don't believe we're one in the universe? Grissom: Abigail ... I'm sure if there is something out there looking down on us from somewhere else in the universe, they're wise enough to stay away from us.

The CSIs are called in when a homeowner finds a disheveled group of teenagers dumping a body in his yard. It is soon discovered that the group is a cult , but when Grissom and Catherine find the cult's headquarters, they find the members all dead from what appears to be a mass suicide. As the team investigates further, they find out that the mass suicide didn't go as the cult leader planned.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x15

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x15_0

(Meredith is sitting in the bathtub) MVO: Disappearances happen in science, disease can suddenly fade away. Tumors go missing. We open someone up to discover the cancer is gone. It's unexplained, it's rare, bit it happens. We call it misdiagnosis say we never saw it, any explanation but the truth. (Meredith sinks under that water in the tub) MVO: That life is full of vanishing acts. If something that we didn't know we had disappears, do we miss it? (Derek enters the bathroom) Derek: Meredith. (He pulls her out of the water) Meredith, what are you doing? (George's room is empty, Izzie is standing in the hall when Meredith and Derek walk out) Meredith: I was taking a bath. Derek: That's not a bath. I know what a bath looks like. Meredith: Drop it. Derek: Look, your mother Meredith: Drop it. Derek: Your mother...she was lucid and she said things and now she's... Meredith: Gone. Everything's back to normal, it's not a big deal. Derek: Yeah, except she's having heart surgery today. (Meredith sighs and Derek cups her face.) Derek: Hey, you want me to talk to the Chief? I know you have that triage thing today but he'll give you the day off. Meredith: Stop! I do not need rescuing. Derek: You would have drowned in the bathtub had I not been there. Meredith: I'm a surgeon. I do the rescuing. You are not my knight in shining...whatever. Derek: Oh, so we're gonna fight because I pulled you out of the tub. Meredith: You have a place. You could sleep at it. And then you don't have to pull me out of the bathtub. You're everywhere, all the time, saying things. Derek: This is the happy ever after part and in the happily ever after part the guy is there, all the time, saying things. And the girls love it. Meredith: Go to work. I'll see you there. Derek: Just for the record, I am you knight in shining...whatever. (He kisses her) Derek: (To Izzie) Morning. Meredith: I did not try to drown myself in the bathtub. Izzie: Hey, I ate everything out of the fridge last night, everything, including a tub of butter. There's no judgment here. Meredith: You ever feel like you were just disappearing? Izzie: All the time. Meredith: Why can't I just be that happily ever after person? Why can't I believe in that? Izzie: I don't know what I believe in anymore. (Seattle scenes) (Cristina and Burke are on the stairs) Cristina: We're not telling...people. Burke: I haven't told anyone. Cristina: I know, I know. Just...don't. Burke: I'm not going to...yet. Cristina: I just...I need to tell my friends here first. Burke: I have friends here. (Cristina just stares at him) Shepherd. Cristina: Oh, no you can't tell Shepherd. You cannot tell Shepherd until I've told Meredith. It will be a thing. Burke: You act like this is a disaster. But the world won't implode if people know. Cristina: I will tell them, today. Just...wait. (Richard is in the elevator, Addison is already there when Derek enters) Derek: Morning. (He stops to stare at Richard) What's different? Richard: Nothing. Addison: Leave him be. Derek: What happened to your hair? Richard: Nothing. (Mark and Burke enter the elevator) Burke: What happened to your hair? Addison: Leave him be. Mark: You dyed it. Derek: But why? (Addison smacks Derek) Derek: Ow! Addison: Leave him be. Derek: What are you doing? What? Burke: Ok, but why? Richard: Men who have gray hair are noticed less then men who don't. Derek: By who? Richard: Well... Burke: By the ladies... (Mark laughs) Derek: Looks good Chief. Burke: Ladies will love it. Mark: Very natural. Addison: He is alone, all alone. Do any of you even know what that's like? (Points to Burke) Lives with Cristina (Points to Derek) Dates the perfect 12-year-old (Points to Mark) Man whore! His wife left him, after 25 years of marriage. So if the man wants to dye his hair for the ladies leave him be. Leave him be. (Derek mouths ok) (Bailey and Callie are in the clinic) Callie: It's weird. Weird. It's weird right? Bailey: I need more triage tear tags. Callie: Working with somebody I'm married to is weird. I mean, I'm his boss and his wife. At work, I'm giving him orders. In bed, he's giving me... Bailey: Stop! Right there! I don't need to know this. I'm tired, I'm busy. While I will concede, you and O'Malley have some challenges to overcome. I'm asking you to remember that this day is a marathon and my mind can only hold what it needs to know. Your s*x life cannot be held in my mind today. Ever! It cannot be held in my mind ever. Never. Callie: Whatever (Sydney enters) Sydney: Sydney Heron here to land a hand. Hey! Hi! Hello! Oh Miranda, hey. Nice clinic, very nice. Bailey: Is it? Sydney: I mean real nice, real cheerful. No better to distinguish your self for chief resident then to open a multi million dollar clinic. Smart thinking, strategic. Bailey: Chief resident? Sydney: I myself have used the time to master several complex surgical procedures. But, this is, um, another way to go. Bailey: What is she talking about? Callie: Chief resident. Sydney: Chief resident. Yeah for next year, the one 5th year resident that rules all residents. Oh she...ok, she's cute. She's acting like she didn't know about it. Cute! Bailey: I'm not cute. Sydney: I'm on to you. Ok. I'm a competitor. Grr! Bailey: I bite! Sydney: Ok, well. I'll just wait for you in the pit. (Meredith is at the nurse's station outside her mom's room. Ellis looks agitated and they stare at each other for a moment. Meredith walks away.) (Meredith and Cristina are in the locker room getting ready for the start of their shift. Meredith looks angry and irritated. Cristina on the other hand is smiling) Meredith: What? Cristina: Nothing. (Cristina looks disappointed that Meredith isn't happy. She is still smiling.) Meredith: What? Cristina: Ok, cranky. Forget it. Alex: Am I the only one that thinks this triage test is a waste of time? There's a patistoplasty on the board. I had Sloan all prepped to let me scrub in. Izzie: George, hey. George: Hey. Izzie: How's it going? George: Good. Izzie: You like living in a hotel? George: Yeah. It's good. Izzie: Cause your rooms still there. Next to mine. George: Aw, Izzie. Izzie: I'm just saying. If you don't like...the hotel, you can always just move right back in. George: You think I'm this boy that you need to save, I get that, but...And it would be sweet, if it weren't so condescending. Alex: Seriously is it too much to ask to be performing actual surgeries? We are actual surgeons. (Cristina is still smiling) Meredith: What? Cristina: Nothing. (The clinic, Sydney is laying in bed acting like a patient) Izzie: A lot of arm swelling but good distal pulses so...we can rule out compartment syndrome. I suspect a radius fracture so I'd splint and get an ortho follow up. Bailey: Anything else? Izzie: No. Bailey: Ok. Then I guess this means... Callie: Time. Sydney: And I'm dead. Izzie: Dead. (Sydney pretends to die) Bailey: You sent her home. The bone punctured through her skin. Izzie: Yeah, but she had multiple wounds and...abrasions. Sydney: A puncture over a break is an open fracture until proven otherwise. Yeah, I got septic and I died at home, thanks to you. Izzie: Whatever. Sydney: Not whatever to minor dead puncture wound that's not guy. Bailey: You have to be quick and thorough while using your instincts. You can't be fooled by what your eyes see. If you assess wrong, your patient could die while waiting for treatment. Karev, you're next. Izzie: Just think, I already killed her, you can't do more damage than that. Bailey: People, triage is one of the most important tools a doctor has. In a real emergent scenario, you'll have only minutes... Callie: And it's something you'll be tested on in your surgical exams. (George snaps a Polaroid) George: Sorry. Callie: George! George: I was just recording the drill. (Callie and George step to the side) George: Yeah. Callie: We're working, George. George: Yeah. Callie: Ok, I'm your boss right now. George: Ok. Callie: All right? George: A very s*x one... Callie: No. You cannot undermine my authority in front of the other interns, in front of my peers. George: No. Bailey: O'Malley take that back to the clinic where it belongs. George: Yes, doctor. (Richard enters) Richard: People, look I'm sorry. I have to interrupt the session for a moment. Sydney: Chief, I like your new hair. Really brings out your eyes. Bailey: Do you need something sir? Richard: We just received word of a mass causality incident nearby. All available level 1 trauma centers have been asked to respond. I need to send a team into the field immediately. Cristina: Is this a part of the exercise? Are we supposed to act appropriately, um, tense? Richard: This is not an exercise or a drill, Yang. This is an emergent situation and I need all hands on deck. Izzie: Seriously? Bailey: What happened? Richard: I don't have details just orders. (Bailey and her interns are in the OR preparing their triage kits.) Cristina: Meredith? I have a thing. News. Meredith: You're not pregnant again are you? Cause I can't handle the extra months of bitchiness. (Bailey walks up) Bailey: We're catching a ride with Seattle 34, space is tight. So hold your kits on your lap. Alex: Where we going? Bailey: We'll know when we get there. Izzie: Fire? Flood? Volcano? I'm not really dressed for a volcano. (They enter the ambulance bay) Bailey: Stevens. Izzie: Sorry, inappropriate. Sorry. Paramedic: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm hauling supplies, I only have room for five. Bailey: Yang. Cristina: Yes? Bailey: Stay with the Chief, take care of the incoming wounded. The rest of you come on. Cristina: Stevens was inappropriate. (Izzie gives her a look) Meredith: Hey, what was your news? Cristina: Forget it, forget it. (The ambulance leaves and Cristina is left standing there. The ambulance speeds through Seattle) Bailey: Oh everybody. Move your id's to the outside of your jacket. When we get there remember triage. Karev? Alex: Green tags non emergent, yellow tags delayed care, red tags needs immediate treatment. Bailey: Good. Assess carefully, tag, then get all critical patients into the ambulances as fast as possible. Don't get in the way of search and rescue and stay calm. Alex: Any word yet on what happened? Bailey: All we know is there are multiple traumas. (They ambulance arrives and George helps the others out of the bus. Each of the interns faces is that of utter shock.) Izzie: Holy mother of... (The camera pans around to show a scene of utter destruction. There are injured people and support personnel everywhere. There is an ferry boat on fire and the devastation is massive.) Izzie: Dr. Bailey, where do you need us? Meredith: Where should we start first? Izzie: Dr. Bailey? Bailey: Ok, um, I don't have time to hold your hands. You know the protocol. Go do it. Alex: Do what? Bailey: Go help people. (The interns each run off their own separate directions) George: You need some help? Paramedic: Nothing more I can do here. George: How did this happen? Paramedic: It was a fog bank, container ship clipped the ferry. (George stops for a moment as he sees the makeshift morgue full of dead bodies.) Meredith: Ok, take a deep breath for me. Ok, you're gonna be ok. You're injuries are minor. An EMT is gonna come and take you to the hospital, ok? (She looks up and sees a little girl standing there, crying) Meredith: Is this your mommy? (The little girl shakes her head no) Who are you with? Ok, I want you to stay right here, ok? (The little girl grabs Meredith's arm) Stay right here. (Meredith looks down at the girl's wet pants) Did you wet your pants? That's ok. It happens sometimes. Paramedic: Coming through. (Meredith hugs the little girl) (Seattle scenes) (Derek and Burke are at a nurse's station) Derek: This doesn't make sense. Ferry boats don't get in accidents. The moment you take one for granted along comes a container ship and bam. (Burke just looks at him) I have a thing for ferryboats. Burke: (To Nurse) Reschedule Swanson's valve replacement. I'm gonna need the OR for the incoming from the ferry accident. Nurse: Ok. Derek: I mean, this whole day has just been...there's something wrong with Meredith. I asked her what's wrong she says nothing. She tries to drown herself in the tub. Not...actually drown. I don't think. Something was going on, she will not talk about it. I mean, we were fine now it's like I'm living with a ghost. Burke: You're confiding in me? Derek: Yes. Burke: Cristina and I are engaged. Derek: Congratulations. Burke: I mean, she doesn't wanna tell anyone. At least not until she tells Meredith first. Derek: Yeah. They're different then other women. Burke: Yes, these women. Yes they are. Derek: I mean, maybe we'll never know them, really know them. (Mark walks up) Derek: Now you and Cristina are engaged you'll have a lot of work to do. Burke: Right. Mark: You and Yang are getting hitched? Burke: There's a mass causality incident rolling in. Derek: There'll probably be some burn victims. You should be prepared. (Callie enters the clinic and picks up a chart. She turns and runs into Sydney) Callie: Whoa! Oh, Sydney. I...I thought I could take a few patients off your hands. (Sydney takes the chart back) Sydney: I appreciate the gesture, Dr. Callie O'Malley but the Chief asked to roll the non-emergent ER cases into the clinic and take care of them. So, I've triaged these patients and so far it looks like, uh, a sore throat, a sprain and a tummy ache. Easy breezy. So, the clinic and I are fine. Callie: Ok. I'm not, uh, trying to take the clinic, Bailey's clinic by the way, away from you. I'm trying to help so... (She grabs the chart back) Sydney: Your offer the help is dually noted and very much appreciated but (she takes the chart back) I promise you, I've got it all under control. Jason K? Jason: Yeah. Callie: Fine, I'll leave you to it. And find myself a recently traumatized emergency surgery to scrub in on while you stay down here with your sore throat and your sprain and what was the other one? Sydney: Tummy ache. Callie: Oh! Sydney: Jason K. (Izzie is the trauma scene look very much lost when a man walks up to her) Vince: Excuse me, are you a nurse, a doctor or a medical something? Izzie: I'm a doctor but... Vince: Come with me. Izzie: Um, no. You need to get checked out. There's a treatment area right over there. Vince: Follow me, please. Izzie: You've got some really bad burns. They need to be treated. Vince: My buddy's trapped. He's trapped under a car. Izzie: If he's trapped under a car, you need search and rescue. They have...they have personnel... Vince: I called them, they're backed up and he can't wait. He's in a real bad way. Please. He's my best buddy. Please. (Izzie is led off by Vince) (Richard walks up to Derek at the nurse's station) Richard: Shepherd I need you in the next rig. Derek: Ok. Richard: I want you at that scene. Derek: You're gonna need me here. Richard: They're reporting lots of closed head injuries and I want you to get in there and bring them back, alive. (Derek walks off) Richard: (To Mark) What's the news? Mark: Shepherd and Grey are on the rocks. Burke and Yang got engaged. (Richard just looks at him) You need highlights...in your hair. That's why it looks so odd. (Richard gives him another look) I'm gonna go save lives. Alex: take him to the treatment area. He'll fix you up there, ok? Paramedic: Come on, lets go. (Alex looks down off the dock and sees a woman trapped under a pylon) Alex: I've got somebody down here. Cop: Hey, that's not secure. (Alex ignores him) Hey! (Alex climbs over piles of rubble to get to the woman) Doctor I need you to get up here. Alex: There's a pregnant woman down here just shut the... Cop: Is she dead? Alex: Yeah. (He starts to walk away and turns to see the woman moving her hand.) Wait a second. Hold on, hold on. (He tries to move the pylon) Immediate, immediate. I need help down here. (Vince and Izzie run up to some cars. There are two men standing there and a man trapped under the car.) Friend: He's back. He's got help. Vince: You hear that Rick? We got help. We got a doctor. You're gonna be ok now man. Greg: He's gonna be ok? Right? (Cristina is watching a television in the hospital waiting room) Newscaster: What we do know at this time or what we can tell you is that there have been deaths. And we don't know how many and we may not know that for hours or even days. (Richard walks up) Newscaster: We also know that passengers are still being evacuated. A ferry of this size can carry anywhere up to a 1000 or 1500 passengers. Richard: All right you're gonna need these to handle the influx. We're gonna need plenty of available open chest trays, central line kits and the difficult intubation kit. Cristina: Yes, sir. (Cristina leaves and Richard turns to watch the TV) Newscaster: We don't know... Richard: Oh, Yang. Cristina: I know sir. Communicate with the scene as needed. Richard: No, I heard you were engaged. Congratulations. Cristina: Thank you, sir. Richard: All right, go. And remember we're hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Cristina: Right. (Back at the scene) Paramedic: You got anyone for me? George: Uh, yeah. Those two need to be transported. Uh, these five didn't make it. Four adults and one child. (A woman walks up. She was obviously in the crash) Carly: A child? You found a dead child? Boy or girl? George: Ma'am, you're injured, you need to lie down. (Loudly) Get a stretcher, now! Carly: Is the child a boy or girl? I can't find my son. We got separated. I need to know if my little boy is alive. George: She was a girl. The child was a little girl. (Carly tries to walk away) No, no, no, no, no. I need to examine you. I'm gonna have to take you to the hospital. Carly: No, I can't leave. He's only seven. No! And...and he's all alone. No, I will not leave my son behind. George: I will find him. Listen to me, I will find him. If you let me take you to triage, I promise you, I will find your son. Carly: He's so scared. George: I know. I know. I will find him. (George takes the picture from her) Carly: Ok. George: Ok. Vince: He's a mechanic. We work together. We drive together to work. And suddenly there was this huge jolt. Friend: It was awful. We were just trying to get out of there but Rick went back in. Greg: Figured we could help, we should help. He went back and there were people trapped. He was just trying to help. Vince: We were behind him. We were right behind him. Izzie: He has injuries to his chest and leg. It looks like him arm is broken and I'd guess there's damage to his spine and pelvis. I can't...there's not much I can do until we get him out of here. Vince: You gotta do what you can. I mean we'll uh...Greg go find some more guys. Izzie: Hey, go find search and rescue, ok? Give them this...(She hands him a red triage tag) Tell them I said he can't wait. He has to get to a hospital. Greg: All right, I'm going. (Derek is not at the scene) Derek: Let them know he needs a CT. Make sure to keep his neck stable. Ask for Weller. Weller's not available ask for Krichek. Ok? Keep him stable. (Meredith sees Derek) Derek: What do you got? Ok, someone hand me some bandages. Ok, stop here. Meredith: Derek. Derek: Meredith, hey, you got a free hand? Here, hold this bandage for me. You all right? Meredith: Yeah, it's just...a lot. Derek: You wanna get married? And you haven't told me and I haven't asked? And we have a problem? Meredith: What? No, I don't want to get married. You want to get married? Derek: No. Good. So, if that's not it, what is it? Meredith: It isn't anything. Are you good cause I gotta get this kid to triage? Derek: Yeah, ok. Lets go. Is she all right? Meredith: Yeah, she's good. She's just lost. Derek: (Walking away) Hang in there. We're gonna get you to the hospital. (Meredith walks off still holding little Lisa's hand) (Addison and Richard are in front of the OR board) Addison: All of the non emergent surgeries have been postponed. Richard: Good. Addison: I'm gonna go check on discharges. Trying to free up as many beds as I can in the surgical wing. Richard: Oh. I was gonna do that but... Addison: I can do it. Richard: Uh sure. Good. Addison: Unless you want to? Richard: No. No, go ahead. Addison: You're still the chief. Richard: I know that. Addison: Just seems so quiet, you know? Richard: Yeah, we're expecting the first wave from the scene soon. (Richard starts to walk away) Addison: I dyed my hair blonde. The day after Derek moved out. Change is good. Your marriage is over. You're starting over. So am I. Richard: Right. (Burke and Cristina are talking in a room) Cristina: I specifically told you I needed to tell Meredith first. Burke: I was talking to Shepherd and...it just...came out. It was no big deal. Cristina: Wait. It is a big deal. Because now she's not even gonna care about the fact that I'm getting married. All she's gonna care about is the fact that I didn't tell her myself. Burke: And why didn't you? Cristina: There was a major disaster. Burke: That was 45 minutes after we discussed it. You were with your friends for 45 minutes running triage drills and you weren't compelled to mention it? Cristina: The chief says they're rolling in soon, so... (Alex is in the ambulance with Jane Doe) Paramedic: Blood pressure's really low, barely registering. Setting up the veins for an IV. Alex: She's all clamped down from hypothermia, that's why I couldn't find a pulse. Paramedic: I've never seen a crush injury so bad, and survive. God she's a mess. Alex: She needs to stay on her left side. We gotta mover her on her left side. It's gonna take both of us, gotta get that BP up. On my count. One...(She grabs Alex's arm) Two... You're baby...you're baby ok. For now it looks ok. Just try to breathe. We need to move you to help you get circulation, ok? One, two, three. Paramedic: Pulse is already better. I'll attempt IV access again. Alex: Just breathe through the pain. All you can do for your baby right now is take care of yourself. There you go, good. I know it hurts. Come on now; keep breathing for me, ok? That's it. Keep breathing. (Richard is standing in the silent ambulance bay. Cristina walks out and stands next to him) Richard: Good. Cristina: Um, what do we...so what do we do? Richard: We wait. (Callie walks out) Cristina: We wait? (Addison walks out) Richard: We wait. (The scene. Meredith is talking with Lisa) Meredith: Ok, we need to find a grown-up. Another grown-up to help you find your mom. (Meredith sees a man crawling out of the water near the docks. She stops a passing officer) Meredith: Hey. I need you to take this little girl to the triage tents. Officer: I gotta get back to my unit. Meredith: No, I need you to take this little girl to the triage tents for me, please. (To Lisa) You're gonna be ok. You're gonna be fine. I promise. Thanks. (Meredith walks over to the man on the dock. The officer and little girl start to walk away. A man shouts for help and the officer goes to help) Officer: Stay right here. (Lisa looks very lost) (Derek is near an ambulance where Bailey is getting ready to climb inside) Derek: How we doing? Bailey: It's bad. A lot of survivors, so, it's something. Derek: Yeah, it is. Bailey: Have you seen Stevens? Derek: No. Bailey: What about O'Malley? Grey? Derek: Grey was...I saw Grey about ten minutes ago. She was on her way over to you with a kid. You haven't seen her? Bailey: Nope. I gotta head out with this one, so, keep an eye on my interns. All right? Derek: I'll do my best. (Derek closes the ambulance doors for Bailey. He turns around looking confused and tries to see Meredith in the crowds.) (Alex is at the hospital with Jane Doe) Alex: Jane Doe, about six months pregnant, found under a pile of rubble. Sustained crush injuries to her right torso and upper extremities as well as severe trauma to the face. BP initially low but now up to 90 over 60 after a liter of fluid and placing her on her left side. Richard: What do we do? Karev? Cristina: ABC. Her airway needs to be protected. Her breathing will be compromised because of the crush injury. And we need to have blood available. I would do a trauma panel, type and cross and CT's of her head and neck. Richard: Excellent, lets get her started. Uh, trauma room 2. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the trauma room) Paramedic: One, two and three. Richard: Lets see what we have. (Jane grabs Alex's hand) Alex: The baby...the baby's gonna... Addison: Make sure that you shield her in radiology. Burke: Gotta get her stabilized first, before you start worrying about the baby. The mother may be negligible. Addison: Right, but...she's gonna need a lot before all this is over. We need to protect them both. Richard: Yang, you're on this. Alex, go to the clinic. The victim's families are there. They need answers. Alex: This is my patient. I pulled her out of the damned water. Richard: Which is heroic and manly and you still need to talk to those families, right now. Alex: Me? Why can't Yang do it? Richard: This is all hands on deck. Yang can handle this. Now go. (George is in the ambulance bay unloading Carly) George: Ok. Carly: He likes fire trucks. And police cars. Anything with flashing lights. (Bailey enters the ambulance bay) George: Carly Height, 45 year old female found at the scene. Open abdominal wound with a mental evisceration. Bailey: Ok, we need to get her to an OR as soon as possible. Carly: He won't respond if you call him Christopher. He hates that. Just Chris. George: Ok. Carly: He likes Christ the best. Bailey: O'Malley what is she talking about? George: She lost track of her son in the accident. Carly: Dr. O'Malley and I made a deal. He's gonna find my son so that I know that Chris is ok before I go into surgery. Bailey: Miss Height, your injury is extremely serious. We need to tend to it as soon as possible. Carly: As soon as he's located. I can't go into surgery before I know about my son. George: I'm sure he's here. All families are being directed here. Bailey: O'Malley just find the boy in a hurry. We'll start the workup. (Back at the scene. Izzie is doing her best to help Rick) Izzie: I need some more gauze. Friend: There's no more here. Vince: Maybe you could, uh, find some paper towels in the head. Friend: I'll find something. Rick: Vince? Vince, man, it hurts like hell. Vince: Can you do anything about that? I mean, you got anything for the pain? Izzie: I've given him everything I've got. Where is search and rescue? Rick: It hurts. Vince: What hurts man? Rick: Everything. Izzie: Maybe if...maybe if I try to set his arm it will help some of the pain. Vince: What are you waiting for? Izzie: I...uh...um... Vince: What? Izzie: Nothing, just, uh...just, uh, stay there and hold his hand. Vince: Hold his hand? Izzie: You think he's in pain now? He's not. Hold his hand. Place both hands on opposite sides of the arm, distract, exaggerate, and reverse the mechanism in one continuous motion. Vince: You are a doctor, aren't ya? Izzie: Shut up. All right, all right. Rick, you ready? Rick: Yeah. Izzie: One...two... (She yanks his arm and he screams) (Meredith is at the dock) Meredith: What happened? Businessman: Some metal, something hit my leg. I was thrown off. God, it hurts. It hurts. Meredith: Ok. Businessman: I started swimming. I need to go. I've got a meeting. (She puts a bandage on his leg and he starts screaming) Meredith: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir. But try to stay still. (Lisa walks up and taps her on the shoulder) Don't look. Turn around. I need you to be brave for me. Just stand right there and don't move. And don't look. (Jane Doe is in CT. Cristina is entering the viewing room when Burke walks up) Burke: What do we got? Cristina: Oh, we just got started. Burke: All right, then I got this. There's nobody covering my service. I'm gonna need you to get up to telemetry and check on my patients, pre-op and post-op. Cristina: And then I should join you in surgery? Burke: No, and then you should report to the pit. Cristina: The chief assigned me to Jane Doe. Burke: Yes, and I'm reassigning you. Cristina: To do what? Sutures? Burke: Yes. Cristina: Ok, so you're saying you don't want me to scrub in? Burke: Dr. Yang, I'm saying I have an unattended thoracic wing and a pit full of patients. You have the ability to help. I don't need you in the Or, I need you on the floor. Do you have a problem with that? Cristina: Nope. Burke: Thank you. (George is an office on the phone) George: No, Chris Height. He's seven years old, he's got brown hair. I don't know if he's injured. Could you just check to see if he's there. Yes, I know all the families were directed here could you just check. Thank you, yeah. (Callie walks by) George: Callie, I need some help. Callie: I can't, I'm busy. George: Yeah, it's just I'm trying to find this... Callie: George I'm busy. I'm about to go into surgery. I can't be your wife right now, I'm working. George: I'm working too. I have a patient who needs surgery. Callie: So do I. (Callie leaves) George: Yes, any luck? Thank you. (Meredith and Lisa are still helping the man at the scene) Meredith: Ok. Damn it. (Loudly) Can I get some help over here? Sweetie, listen to me. I need you to turn around. I know I told you to face away from me but we need to work together to save this man. I don't talk either when I get scared. I don't...talk when bad things happen. You don't have to say anything but I need your help. (Lisa turns around) Ok. Don't look down. Don't look at the blood. Look at me. Look at me. Can you be my assistant? (She nods yes) Ok, good. I can't move my hands from where they are right now so I need you to go over to my kit and pull out the things they look like, um, like tweezers. You know what your mommy uses to pull a splinter out with? (Cristina and Alex are in the locker room) Cristina: Hey, what was the site like? Was it gory? Was it trauma bonanza? Obviously terrible. Alex: I don't talk to thieves. Cristina: What? Alex: You stole my Jane Doe right out from under me. Cristina: I am not a thief. You balked, you're a balker. Alex: I was thinking. Cristina: Again not my problem that thinking is such a time consuming process for you. Alex: I rescued her. I climbed down and moved a massive pylon off of her. I got her here alive. Cristina: Pylons? There are pylons on people? Alex: Whatever. Now I get stuck babysitting the patients families who are waiting and you get to scrub in. Cristina: I'm not scrubbing in, I'm stitching up patients in the pit. Alex: Who'd you piss off to get that? Cristina: I happen to be pulling gaping pieces of flesh back together. Alex: You're stitching. You're just one step closer to knitting your grandma's sweater. Cristina: Well at least mines medical. Alex: You're knitting. I pull pylons off people. (The clinic is being used as a family gathering point. Sydney is there helping) Sydney: Orange juice? Orange juice? Orange juice? Oh, sweetie. Yeah, his colors not good. Do you want some orange juice? Or maybe I have some wheat crackers to put in your belly. (Loudly) Everybody if you're waiting to hear about your families. We should be hearing something very soon. I'm sorry. (The site) Friend: He must have saved at least a dozen people who were stuck in their cars. We told him not to go back. Vince: That's the kind of guy he is. He's the guy that goes back. He's got kids too, five of them. Izzie: Ok, I'm committed to the project. I don't need to hear about the kids. Rick: Leave the girl alone, Vince. Vince: Sorry. You're doing a real great job there. (Greg walks up) Greg: Hey, how's he doing? Vince: He's doing all right. Izzie: No, no. No he's not. I can't do anything more until we get him out from under this car. Can you please tell me why you've come back by yourself? Greg: Search and rescue, they're buried. They said they'd come when they can. Izzie: The red tag. Did you show them the red tag? Greg: They said they got 15 red tags. Rick: Go on guys. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Vince: No, no, no. Don't do this Rick. Stay with me. Stay with me. He let go of my hand. He's going limp. Wake up Rick. (Alex enters Jane's room) Alex: Hey. I'm not gonna be able to make it to your surgery. Here's the thing, you were crushed under a cement pylon. Dozens of people on that ferry boat died but you're still alive. So, when I come back to check on you after the surgery you better still be alive. All right? (She nods) All right. (Alex goes to leave and Addison is at the door) Addison: BP's stable. So is the baby's. You did good, Karev. Alex: She gonna be ok? Addison: Yeah, we're gonna do everything we can. Alex: What about the baby? She gonna be able to carry it to term. Addison: Um, you should get back down to the clinic. (The OR, Carly is ready to be operated on) Bailey: Mrs. Height, it's time. We really need to operate before you lose anymore blood or your bowels start to die. Carly: Just wait til Dr. O'Malley finds my son, please. (George enters) Carly: Dr. O'Malley, George, did you find him? Is he ok? Is he awake? (The scene) Izzie: One of his pupils is blown, we don't have a lot of time. Vince: What are you gonna do? You can't let him die. Izzie: Sorry. I'm doing what I can. Vince: It's not enough. Please just...look they're not gonna get him out of here any time soon, so you have gotta figure out a way to help him. Right here, right now. (Alex enters the clinic) Angry Woman: Finally. Man: Kelly Winters Man 2: Patina. Patina's a little girl with... Alex: Hold on, hold on. I'm...I'm Dr. Karev. This is a very rough situation and I can assure you that we're doing everything that we can. The following are the patients we have identified at this time: John J. Anders, Kirk Demerat. (Angry lady rips the list from his hands) Angry Lady: This is the same list they gave us a half hour ago. It's posted over there. Alex: I understand. Man: Please...just please. Kelly she's got, um, brown hair. She's about 5'4. Alex: Look, we had a lot of people who came in without ID. Angry Lady: Just take us over to the ER and we'll look for ourselves. Alex: We can't let you do that. Crowd: Why not? (The crowd continues yelling and Alex looks overwhelmed.) (At the scene, Meredith has just finished sewing up the businessman's leg) Meredith: Ok. It's ok. Uh, I have to deflate the blood pressure cuff and see if this makes...Ok. We saved him. You helped. We just have to bandage him up and find someone to take him to the hospital and then we're gonna find your mom ok. (The man is shivering. Meredith takes off her coat and covers him with it.) Businessman: Oh, I can't stand the pain. I gotta get out of here. Meredith: Sir, don't move. Don't move. (The man tries to stand up and when he does he pushes Meredith over the dock edge and into the water. The little girl stands there staring for a moment and then she walks away. The camera looks at the dark water and then fades out.)

A mass trauma situation, which turns out to be a ferryboat accident, challenges the whole staff of Seattle Grace Hospital. Webber finds difficulty in coping with his separation from his wife and dyes his hair "for the ladies", which becomes an internal joke between Mark, Burke, and Derek. Cristina tries to tell Meredith about her upcoming marriage, but doesn't have the strength to. George promises to find a woman's son, who has been separated from her at the accident. The woman refuses to go into surgery until she is assured that her son is alive. Izzie has to take care of a man who got stuck between two cars on the ferry, but nobody helps her due to the large number of injured people. Alex rescues a pregnant woman with severe wounds on her face, and promises to take care of her. Meredith looks after a girl who has been separated from her mother after the accident and cannot communicate, but while helping a patient, he accidentally pushes Meredith, and she falls into the water, with nobody but the silent little girl as a witness.

fd_Frasier_09x02

fd_Frasier_09x02_0

ACT 3 Scene 1 - Lana's House. It is Kirby's graduation party. Kirby's father and Lana's ex, Bob, has just unexpectedly arrived and is speaking with Frasier, who recognizes him as the man from the baggage claim at the airport. Bob: So how do you know Kirby? Frasier: Well, I was his, uh, tutor. Bob: Yow, how much do I owe you for that? Frasier: It was a pleasure really. So you're Kirby's dad? Lana's ex who ran off with the dental hygienist. Bob: [unoffended] But you can call me Bob. I take it Lana filled you in about our divorce? Frasier: Yes, well, I was a shoulder for her briefly. You know, I think she's completely over you now. Bob: I hope not! I mean I really want her back. I'll do whatever it takes to show her I'm a changed man. Frasier: Listen, Bob, I-I don't think that's a very good idea. Bob: Well, but you said at the airport... Roz enters from the kitchen Frasier: Yes, I know, I... [seeing an opportunity to divert Bob's attention] Oh, Roz! Roz, listen, I'd like you to meet, uh, Bob. Bob, this is Roz Doyle, the brilliant producer of my radio show. Roz: Gee, thanks, Frasier. Frasier: Of course, beauty and brains, huh? Ha, ha. Who said God doesn't give with both hands, huh? [Encouragingly] And, Roz, I believe, if I'm not mistaken you're, uh, available right now? Roz: [Interested] Maybe. So what brings you to this little soir e? Bob: Well, I'm Kirby's dad and Lana's ex, although hopefully not for long. Thanks to this man, I've decided to follow my heart and come back to the woman I really love. Roz: [realizing Frasier's motivation] Oh, really? [She walks toward Frasier.] Kirby and Lana enter from the kitchen. Kirby is covering Lana's eyes as they walk out. Lana: Kirby, what is it? Kirby: You'll see. You'll see. Kirby removes his hand from Lana's eyes. She sees Bob and is immediately filled with disgust. Lana: OH, CRAP!! [She runs directly to her bedroom.] Frasier: Well, there goes that. You gave it your best try Bob. In the words of Tennyson... [Bob has run to Lana's bedroom.] Bob? Damn. Roz: [Hits Frasier in the chest.] You jerk! I am not just some man bait that you can just set out whenever it suits you! Frasier: I know, I'm sorry Roz. I was desperate. For God's sake, I just ended things with Claire and now I'm here to pursue Lana and then he shows up. Everything's ruined! Lana: [yelling from the bedroom] Why don't you just leave?! You're good at that! Just go! Bob: [emerging from the bedroom] I'll call you later, son. Bob exits. Kirby pursues him. Kirby: You can't quit now! If you're going to come back, you got to get used to her screaming! [Exits.] Frasier has a decidedly uncomfortable look on his face. Roz: You know, as ugly as that was, things couldn't have worked out any better for you. I mean, she's vulnerable, there's a full bar, she's already in the bedroom. Almost takes the sport out of it. [She takes a drink.] Kirby returns. Frasier: I know you must be upset, Kirby. Kirby: The guy just wants to talk to her and she gets completely bent. Frasier: I know. Kirby: I know it's a clich , okay. I just, I really want my parents to get back together. Frasier: I wish I could help. Kirby: You could talk to my mother. You could tell her to give him another chance. Frasier: Oh, I, I don't think I'm the guy for that job. Kirby: Talking to people is your job. You could try. Frasier: No, I can't. Kirby: Can't? I seem to recall a young pupil named Kirby. He said "I can't" nary but months ago. But a certain man named Dr. Frasier Crane taught that pupil that he can do whatever he sets his mind to. And the name of that man was YOU! CUT TO: Lana's Bedroom. Lana is lying on her bed in a prone position, obviously very distressed. Frasier is heard knocking on the door from the outside. Frasier enters. Frasier: Well, Bob's left. Are you all right? Lana: I have waited over a year for that man to come back to me, and when I finally get to the point where I never want to see him again, he walks through the door! Frasier: But you're... you're much stronger now. It'd take a lot more than just showing up to change your mind. Frasier sits on the bed next to her. Lana sits up. Lana: Well, to be fair, he did try to apologize. I mean, what else can he do? He can't take the whole last year back. Frasier: No, he can't. Lana places her hand on Frasier's arm. Lana: Can I ask you something? In your opinion as a psychiatrist, once you've lost trust, can you ever get it back? Frasier: [struggling] Well, it would take work...a lot of work. Think about it, Lana. [He takes her hand.] You could have a whole new life now. Lana: I could. I'm just so confused. Frasier, you are the only man I can trust right now. Tell me what to do. She is very vulnerable. If Frasier made his move now, he would probably have her. He caresses her hand, obviously struggling with his ethics. As usual, his ethics win. Frasier: Well... the truth is... that you wouldn't be having this crisis if you didn't still have feelings for Bob. You should talk to him. You owe it to yourself to hear him out. Lana hugs him and kisses his cheek. Lana: I just want you to know, Frasier, that no matter what happens, you are a really good... Frasier: Don't... Don't use the F-word. Lana: I wasn't about to! [Playfully tapping his shoulder.] I was going to say we're friends! Lana laughs and collapses on the bed. Frasier rubs her back, the tension now gone. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment. Niles, Martin, and Daphne are seated at the dinner table. Martin: Great pot roast, Daph. Daphne: Wow, thanks Mr. Crane. I used turnips and pearl onions for the... Martin: [giving up] Oh, what's the use? This place will never be the same without Claire. Niles: We all miss her, Dad. Daphne: No one misses her more than me. She could have been the sister I never had. Martin: You think we can call her? Daphne: What would we say? Niles: She's probably out on a date with somebody else. Martin: Well, maybe not. Let's just see if she's home. Martin rises and moves to the telephone. Niles and Daphne follow. Martin dials. Niles: Put it on speaker. Martin: You do the talking. Niles: No, Daphne should. Daphne: I don't know what to say! Claire answers: "Hello?" They all stand stupefied. Claire again says "Hello." Martin hangs up in panic, and all three rush back to their chairs. Niles: Well, that was childish. The phone rings. Niles: She star 69'd us. Don't answer it! Frasier enters. The phone continues to ring. Frasier: Have you all gone deaf? Isn't someone going to answer that? Martin: You're up. Frasier answers the phone. Frasier: Hello?... Claire!... I did not call you, you called me! I did not! I did not! I did... She has hung up. Frasier hangs up. Frasier: What was that all about? Martin: Beats me, she always was a little nutty. Niles: Hey, how did things go with Lana? Frasier: Oh, I think she's going back with her ex-husband. He showed up at the party, and I ended up counseling her to give him a second chance. [He sits on the couch.] It was the noble thing to do... although my honor won't keep me warm at night. Martin: Guess it just wasn't meant to be. Daphne: But don't give up! There's a lid for every pot. [She stands and moves to Niles, who puts his arm around her.] Niles: Mmm, that's right. Good things come to those who wait. Martin: And there are plenty of fish in the sea. Frasier: Dear God! I will choke on another platitude! Please! Can't you say something helpful for once?! Martin: [fed up] Well, I'm sorry if the material isn't fresh anymore! It isn't easy coming up with happy talk every time you can't make it work with a woman! Frasier: [incredulous] "Every time I can't make it work with a woman"?! Martin: That's right! We wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't blown it with Claire! Frasier: Is that so?! [to Niles and Daphne] Do you all feel this way? Daphne: I'll clear. Niles: I'll help. Daphne quickly turns toward the table, and Niles gets up to help her. Frasier: [wounded] I see. My own family has turned on me in my darkest hour! After a day of personal torment, I stagger homeward chapfallen... Martin waves his hand and follows Niles and Daphne. Frasier has turned away and doesn't see this. Frasier: ...in search of comfort in the bosom of my family, but do they indulge me and permit me to suckle? No, instead they... He turns and sees that they have all left the room during his tirade. He pauses. Frasier: Well, I've said my piece. Frasier exits with a sense of just indignation. [SCENE_BREAK] HEAD TRIP Scene 3 - Frasier's car. Frasier is driving when his cell phone rings. He answers it. Frasier: Hello? Yes, hi, Niles. Listen, I'm fine, actually. I, I just need a little time alone. I'll, I'll see you in a day or two. No, there's no need to put Dad on. He's already "consoled" me enough as it is. He hangs up and throws the phone in the back seat. Frasier: "Every time I can't make it work with a woman"! What the hell does he know? Lilith: [o.s.] He's not wrong, Frasier. The remainder of this scene, as well as the first scene of Act 4, are an extended fantasy within Frasier's mind. We now see Lilith in the passenger seat. Frasier: Yes, he is! It wasn't that I couldn't make it work with Lana. I simply stepped aside when the father of her children showed up, like the decent human being I am. Lilith: And - speaking on behalf of your subconscious - because you realized the relationship was destined to fail. Frasier: And why would that be? Lana could've been perfect for me. Lilith: Is that just something you say out of habit now? Frasier: No! Lilith: Because two weeks ago the title belonged to Claire. Frasier: Claire was perfect. I just wasn't in love with her. The heart has a mind of its own, they say. Lilith: Or perhaps she wasn't needy enough for you. You have been known to love a project. Frasier: Oh, please! I have never found neediness to be an attractive quality in a woman! Diane Chambers now appears in the back seat. Diane: Never? Frasier: Never! Neediness was the very reason it didn't work with Diane! Specifically her need... for another man. Lilith: But you were attracted to her initially because her weakness allowed you to play the role of noble rescuer. Diane: Excuse me, I have to object to the word "weakness." I was challenging, yet vulnerable, which is why Frasier saw me as the perfect woman for him, still does. Frasier: I do not. Diane: Then why am I in the car? Frasier: Perhaps you represent a happier time in my life. Lilith scoffs. Diane: Frasier, do you remember the time we drove down the cape and had a lobster picnic on the bluff? [turning to Lilith] We had nothing to crack open the claws, so Frasier put them in a bag and ran over them with the car! Frasier: [chuckles] That didn't work either. Diane: [laughs nostalgically] Oh, we gave up and made glorious love in the dunes. Hmmm... Lilith: Wait a minute. Wasn't that me? Frasier: [thinks] Right, that was you. Diane: Well then, what do I represent? Frasier: I don't know and I don't care. Now if you don't mind, I'd like a little peace. He spies a woman by the side of the road. Frasier: Oh, dear God, not her! Diane: That person's not wearing shoes! Lilith: That's Nanette. His first wife. Diane: She's going to get hookworm! Lilith: He's obviously dredging up past relationships in order to identify a pattern. Diane: [smiles] Why, Frasier Crane, you were a hippie! Frasier: I was 20! That was during my impulsive, rebellious phase. '60's style folk guitar music begins to be heard. It can be seen out the window that Nanette is carrying a guitar. Diane: [sympathetically] Oh, pick her up! You can't ignore her. Frasier: She's not a part of who I am anymore! Nanette appears in the back seat next to Diane, strumming her guitar. She has arrived directly from the late '60's/early '70's and is a stereotypical hippie/flower child. Nanette: Do you remember that song? Frasier: [horrified] Apparently, I do. Nanette: He composed it in college. It's how we met. He wrote it as a poem and was reciting it one night at the Human Collective when I joined in with my guitar. Would you like to hear it? Frasier: NO!! Lilith/Diane: Oh, yes!/Yes, please! Nanette: It's called "Bangladesh: Dhaka before the dawn." [She begins to sing.] "I dreamt that I was riding a candy unicorn / As I went to meet my lady in the dewdrop crystal morn..." Frasier begins to mouth the words. He curls his lip in disgust. Frasier: The Bangladesh part's coming. Nanette continues to strum the guitar. FADE OUT. [N.B. Since Bangladesh gained independence from Pakistan in 1971, this must be roughly when Frasier and Nanette met, which seems right based on Frasier's current age.] End of Act 3 [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 4 Scene 4 - The Crane family cabin. It is the cabin last seen in [7.01], "Momma Mia." Frasier enters. Frasier: Oh... Solitude. This is what I needed! Diane enters. Diane: Perhaps. But to quote Lord Byron, "It is in solitude where we are least alone." Lilith enters. Lilith: Smells like dirt out there. [seeing the cabin's interior] Whoa! Nanette enters. Nanette: Before Frasier sold out, we always dreamed of having a home like this - where we'd be surrounded by nature and need only the food that we grew and the shelter of each other's arms. Lilith: [drily] It's amazing that marriage didn't work out. Diane: [aside to Lilith] She was probably great in the sack. Nanette: Actually, I made a lot of distracting noises. Frasier: All right, all right. [closes door] This has been a lot of fun, but what's it going to take to get you people out of my head? Lilith: Well, a little self-examination might do it. Frasier: Fine! I'm a failure in love. [throws a bag into the kitchen/ pantry] I failed with all of you. I failed with Lana and with Claire, and with countless others in between. Happy? Lilith: Failure is a result, not a cause. What's at the core? Frasier: Perhaps there is no core. Maybe fate's just conspiring against me. Did you ever think of that? Lilith: No, there's no such thing as fate. Nanette: [now knitting on the couch] Ha! If that were true, there'd be no such thing as astrology! Lilith: [glancing dismissively at Nanette] More avoidance, Frasier. Try to focus! Diane: I just had a thought! [Frasier approaches her, listening eagerly.] Maybe it isn't Frasier's fault. Lilith: Oh, denial, how nice to see you. [Frasier glares at her.] Diane: Frasier. Frasier: Hmm? Diane: It's your women! We leave you. It's in our nature. I left you. Frasier: Yes. You did! You left me for Sam. Diane: [dreamily] I left Sam, too. Lilith: Diane, we're talking about Frasier. When we're inside your head, we'll talk about you. Diane is now wearing a painter's smock, holding a paint-covered palette, and working on an unfinished portrait on an easel. The portrait is of Sam Malone. Diane: I'm just saying that his women leave. [to Lilith] You did, too. Nanette: So did I! Frasier: That's right! You all did. Diane: Oh, and poor Frasier. You keep on trying. Nanette: He can't help it! He's a hopeless romantic. Frasier indicates that he wants Diane to go on. Diane: Frasier, when are you going to learn? [sings] "Falling in love with love is falling for make-believe..." Diane continues to sing behind the following dialogue. Nanette: What's wrong with following your heart? Just because we left him doesn't mean the perfect woman isn't out there somewhere. Frasier sits on a footstool. Lilith: That's the problem. Frasier thinks every woman is the perfect woman until he finds the deal-breaking flaw. [distracted by Diane's singing] You-, we... [to Frasier] Can you make that stop? Frasier: I'm sorry. It's stuck in my head. Diane: [singing] "I realized that I was unable to sing..." Frasier stands and puts a hand to his forehead. Diane stops. Lilith: Thank you. [Diane looks put upon.] It's that quest for perfection which ultimately defeats you, because the perfect woman does not exist. Hester: [o.s.] Speak for yourself! Another woman, the late Hester Crane, appears behind Frasier. Frasier: MOTHER! Hester: [referencing the three women] For such a short trip, you sure brought a lot of baggage! Frasier: What are you doing here? Lilith: You have to ask? You're a Freudian. Frasier sits at the table, his head spinning. Hester: You've spent your whole life trying to replace me, but it's completely understandable. I was your first love. Lilith: Ladies, meet the competition. [indicating Hester] This is the woman against whom we have all been measured. Frasier: [interrupting her] Lilith, will you please be quiet! Mother is speaking! Hester: So, a lifetime of collecting women and this is the cream of the crop: the slacker, the barmaid, and the icicle. I was so relieved when they left you. Diane: You left him too! Hester: Oh, I had no choice. Perhaps you heard? I died. Now, let's get down to work, shall we? [moves to the couch] Lilith: We were doing perfectly well before you got here. Hester: Well, if your bargain-basement psychiatry was so effective, why did he have to call in the big guns? [sits] Now, let's explore the inner recesses of your psyche like we did when you were a boy. [indicates her knee] Frasier: I don't want to! As Hester begins to speak, Frasier approaches the couch, lies on it, and puts his head on Hester's lap. Hester: Perhaps we should start with the premise set forth in the definitive study done by Harlan and Watkins. Lilith: Oh, excuse me, but the definitive study was done ten years later at Cambridge. Hester: Oh, excuse me for not keeping up. I was busy being dead! Nanette: That's her excuse for everything! Hester: Don't you have a tambourine to bang? Nanette cowers in fear. Diane: Don't feel bad. She tried to kill me once. Hester: Oh, not this paranoia again! Diane: You had a gun. Hester: Frasier, don't listen to them. These women are all liars and cheaters. I'm the only woman you can trust. Diane: You're a fine one to talk! You cheated on Martin. Hester: Oh, that's none of your beeswax, Missy! Lilith: Oh, betrayal by the mother. Is there any deeper wound? Hester: [stands] I'd say sleeping with his brother is right up there! Diane: [gasps, to Lilith] You did?! Hester: Mmm-hmm! Diane: [fantasizing] Ooh, I could see that. Frasier is horrified. Diane: Don't even think about my baby like that! Nanette: You can't control her thoughts. Hester: Oh, shut up, you're a whore. Nanette: [stands] You're a hypocrite! Hester: Whore! Nanette: Hypocrite! Hester: Whore! Nanette: Hypocrite! You're all hypocrites! Hester: And you're all whores! The four of them begin to loudly scream at each other all at once. Lilith: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Don't you see what he's doing? He's pitting us against each other in order to avoid the real conflict within himself. We must work together. The others respond with "Right," "I agree," etc. They converge on Frasier. Hester: What is the problem? Why can't you make it work with a woman? Diane: Is it because they leave you? Nanette: Have you stopped listening to your heart? Lilith: Is it your unrealistic expectations? Frasier: I don't know. [gets off the couch and runs to the door] Leave me alone! I don't want to do this! He opens the door and gasps. There is a score of women crowded in the doorway. "Hi, Frasier," they all say. He closes the door behind him in a state of utter panic. Diane: What is it? Frasier: It's every woman I've ever dated! [N.B. Well, not quite. However, all of the women in the door were actual actresses who had played Frasier's various love interests over the entire course of the show. All of them were brought to the set to appear for these three seconds. For their identities and the episodes in which they appeared, see the "Guest Cast" above.] Frasier: What am I going to do? Hester: Now, son. I know this is frightening for you, but you have to do the work. Frasier: [gives in] Okay... [walks back to the center of the room] Okay. [sits on the couch] Fine. All right. I screwed things up with Lana. But wait, that wasn't my fault. She was still in love with her ex-husband. Lilith: No, Lana is not the problem. Hester: No, she wasn't right for you at all. Frasier: Oh, mother, you would say that. You never approved of any of my relationships. Hester: Don't pin this on me. I liked Claire. Diane: Oh, she was perfect for you. Nanette: Everybody thought so. Hester: So why didn't it work out? Lilith: Maybe because she was just right for you. Frasier: What does that mean? Hester: Well, Claire was everything we ever looked for in a woman. Lilith: And that terrified you. Diane: Because inevitably she would have left you. Nanette: And so, of course, you ran away. Frasier: No, no, no. I left Claire because I discovered I had feelings for Lana. Lilith: You created feelings for Lana... Hester: Who was extremely flawed... Lilith: So you'd have an excuse to leave Claire. Frasier: Yes, but I didn't need an excuse. I didn't love her! Lilith: You didn't want to love her. Hester: She was too good. Diane: And that's why you were afraid. Frasier: All right, you're saying that I'm afraid of a good woman? Hester: You're afraid of losing a good woman. Again. And just like that, Frasier gets it. He is silent for a moment. Frasier: So that's it... all this work, just to find out that I have a fear of rejection? Lilith: That's right. Frasier: [beside himself] So I'm alone... because I'm afraid to be alone?! Diane: Don't feel too bad. You'll always have us. Isn't that right, girls? They begin to speak at once, agreeing with Diane. Frasier: All right, wait a minute! They become silent. Frasier now has a tremendous moment of revelation. He rises and paces the room. Frasier: That's it! That's my problem. You are always there. I have carried you with me throughout every relationship, on every date. You pick apart every woman I care about and you remind me how much it'll hurt if I open myself up. You don't help me. You hold me back. How will I ever move forward if I don't put you behind me...? He looks behind him. The four women have all disappeared. He looks around again, realizes that his epiphany was real, and smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 5 - Frasier's apartment. Fade in to reveal Niles and Martin getting ready to go out. Niles: Hurry along, Daphne, we'll miss the curtain. Martin: Yeah, and you know how strict they are about that at the Cineplex. Daphne enters from her room. Daphne: Sorry. I was rushing and I put my heel through the hem of my skirt, so I had to put on another one. Niles: Ooh, it looks nice. Daphne: Then the top didn't go, so I changed it to this, but I couldn't wear this with a black brassiere, so I had to change that, which meant I had to change me knickers to match in case I go to the hospital. [Niles and Martin exchange a glance.] You know, coordinating undergarments are the mark of a lady and all that. Anyway, it's a long story. I won't bore you with it. Martin: [sarcastically] Yeah, thanks. They begin to exit. Frasier is arriving at the door. Frasier: Oh. Niles: Hey. Martin: Hello. Frasier: Hi, guys. Daphne: How are you, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Actually, I'm-I'm fine, Daphne. In fact, my little retreat was just what this doctor ordered. I cleared my head. Came to some conclusions. So where are you guys off to? Niles: Oh, just one of Dad's movies. You want to join us? I brought my "Itty-Bitty Book Light." Frasier: No thanks, you guys go ahead. Daphne: You'll be okay, won't you? Frasier: Ah, yes, I'll be just fine. Martin: Why don't I just stay here to keep you company? Frasier: No, really Dad, I'm fine. Martin: You sure? Frasier: Yes. In fact, I'm...I'm better than I've been in quite some time. Mainly because of one very important thing I learned... Martin: [interrupting] Great! Let's roll. The three of them exit quickly. Clearly they have no desire to hear about the "very important thing." Frasier doesn't care. He grins widely and collapses on his couch, more content than we have seen him in a very long time. [SCENE_BREAK] In loving memory of our friends Lynn and David Angell [SCENE_BREAK] The darkened interior of a movie theater. Niles is sitting between Martin and Daphne. Martin and Daphne are eating popcorn and watching while Niles is reading with the aid of his "Itty-Bitty Book Light." Martin drops a piece of popcorn, and grabs Niles's book with the light to help him find it. He succeeds and puts the found piece of popcorn in his mouth. He hands the book back to Niles, but he has broken the light and lost Niles's place. Niles examines the broken light.

Shelley Long and Bebe Neuwirth reprise their "Cheers" roles, confronting a troubled Frasier in dreamlike sequences.

fd_Queer_As_Folk_02x09

fd_Queer_As_Folk_02x09_0

[We open with some serious ass ramming. It appears that Brian is f*cking a guy. The guy is on his hands and knees, gasping. You can see other people. Brian looks up and leans over to his right. Justin leans in. They kiss. Justin's got his own dick toy as he and Brian make out. They break away and lean back to ride in unison. Pan down to the two guys getting f*cked. One wears a cross around his neck. As he reaches orgasm, the cross twinkles in the blue light.] [Babylon. Lots of feathers and boas and jungle prints. Emmett, Ted, and Michael stand on the catwalk, overlooking the scene.] Emmett: I haven't seen Brian. Michael: He's with Justin. It's date night. [Ted yawns audibly.] Emmett: I'm sorry we keeping you up. Ted: No, it's the business. Working day and all night it's not the same as punching in 9-5 at Workshafters. Emmett: But just think - you're a success. Ted: But I have not much time to enjoy it. Michael: You need something to make your eyelids open. Emmett: Yeah, like him. [Cut to a pretty blond boy in a tiny t-shirt standing off to the side] Ted: Yeah, right! Those Norse God isn't interested in me. Michael: You're never know unless you try. Ted: Sure, what the hell. I'm too tired to care. Emett: What a boy! [Ted walkes to the blond boy.] Ted: Hi, how's goin'? [The blond won't even look over in Ted's direction.] Ted: I'm Ted. Maybe you could use this as a paper or something. [he's giving his card] Man: jerkatwork.net. Is that you? Ted: Right. I'm the president. Man: Thor. How's about hooking up? Ted: You and me? You got it. [Ted walks back with the boys.] Emmett: He gave you his number? Ted: That success is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Michael: Oh, sh1t! [He sees Ben dancing in the confetti below.] Emmett: Well, if it isn't the hunkiest professor in the whole wide world. Michael: Thank you for making me so much better! Ted: You did the right thing. Ben is positive. Emmett: Positively yummy! Ted: There are plenty fuckable guys out there that you don't have worried about. Emmett: C'mon, let's dance. [Michael watches Ben dance, and a bit of drool almost falls from Mike's lips to the top of Ben's head.] Michael: [v-o] "It's true there a lot of fuckable guys out there but I didn't date a few." [The Diner. Michael speaks without a pause. Mel, Lindsay, and are there.] Michael: The only problem is they're not Ben. I can't stop thinking about him I'm upset! [Cut to Brian at the same table with Gus.] Brian: And I'm trying to eat. Lindsay: It make it worse that you don't have somebody to replace him. Michael: It's my own fault. I shouldn't let my own influence by other people. Mel: Obviously you had your doubts or you would have told them all to f*ck ourselves. Lindsay: There's probably some truth in that, Michael. Michael: You think it's too late? Brian: [loud] You know, I ordered my eggs with bacon ! [normal voice] Not group therapy. If you want Ben back, go f*cking get him! [Brian stands up.] Debbie: Hey, you're bacon! Well, then I'll eat it. Oh, oh, those poppy dog eyes does mean one thing - boy trouble. Lindsay: [mouths] Ben. Debbie: Honey, the right guy will come along. You'll see. And when he does you'll be right there with your big warm heart. And that face that you just pinch like a peach. Right? Don't forget - Monday night Ziti night. Michael: Great. That I'm be fat and single. [Brian's loft. His sister with her two sons are there. They fight and bicker around Brian's expensive apartment. The kids break something.] Claire: I'm telling you Brian, she's drop me out of my mind. I told you two to behave! Peter: He did it! John: No, he did! Peter: Faggot! John: Homo. Brian: Sit down and keep shut up. Or I make sure your balls never drop. Claire: Well, I do everything for her. Did she appreciate it? Did she ever says thank you? All she does is crisitice. I'm meaning nothing is good enough for her. Brian: Why don't you kill her? Every jury on earth will convicted you. They all have mothers at her own. Claire: I have a better idea. You deal with her. You put up with her demands, her drinking which has more since daddy died. Brian: She's celebrating. Claire: Brian, you drive her to the doctor, to church, to get her hair done. Brian: f*ck that sh1t! [The kids laughs.] Claire: [to them] Shut up! She's your mother too. You can't just stick me with her. Brian: It works so far. Claire: Well not any more. I've looked after her, after both of them ever since we are kids. Were you are scot-free. Now even you help me out Brian or I swear she's yours. ALL yours. [to the kids] C'mon, let's go. [Back in Pornland, Ted's expanded his business to include four different video images at once. Emmett's just getting off work wearing a hardhat and a tool belt.] Emmett: Well I've done Cop, Cowboy, Indianer. All the Village People. [Ted's completely asleep.] Teddy? Hey. Ted: Huh? Emmett: Baby, you are exhausted. Ted: Invoices, payroll. Conucil receivable. It's like Workshafter's times of thousand. I've supposed to meet Thor the impaler tonight. I'm too tired to get even up. Emmett: Honey, you are in Biz. You're dick is at your fingertips. [He tosses him a bottle of prescription medicine.] Ted: "Viagra". I ever know if I have a winning score when it comes to drugs. Emmett: I understand your reservation and normally I would agree with you. But, huh, but this stuff is for old pensioner. They can f*ck like one who is thirty. Even you should f*ck like someone who is eighty. Ted: You ever tried it? Emmett: Well when you operate you must be have the equipment. Ted: And? Emmett: At least for few hours at tops. And long enough for a night you will never forget. [Mikey is stalking Ben. He's standing outside Ben's apartment. Ben walks up.] Ben: Hey Michael. Michael: What a coincidence my running into you. Ben: Not really, don't ya? Well, nice to see you. [Ben goes to the door. Mikey follows Ben.] Michael: The truth is I've been walking up and down the block for two hours waitin' for you. Ben: You like to come up? [Inside Ben's apartment, the camera settles on a "Buddha" statue.] Ben: Can I get you something to drink? Michael: No, thanks. [Michael see this statue.] Ben: Oh, a friend of mine gave me this. Rubs the belly, it brings luck. Michael: Is it work? Ben: Can't hurt. Michael: I've been thinking about you, a lot. Ben: I thoughed about you to. Michael: Yeah? I think I may overreacted. You know you've been positive. I listen to a lot of people, but I should listen to myself. Anyway I'd like to start again. I mean if you're not seeing anybody. You aren't seing someone, are you? Ben: No. Michael: Good, then... we pick up where we left of. [Mike leans in for a kiss, but Ben stops him.] Ben: Look, I appreciated you coming and see me. And everything you've said that this time would be different. But I can't take that chance. I need to know that if I violate myself to love someone that their not gonna bail on me. No matter what their friends or mother may say. I need to know he will be there. So, I'm sorry, but it takes more than a kiss. [Ted calls up Emmett.] Ted: It's been an hour since I've took it. Emmett: Well, there are not hard or firm rules when it comes to this things. It'll happens when it happens. Ted: I don't want anything to happen 'til Thor arrvied. [Ted gets another call, and the split-screen shatters into three boxes.] Hold on. Hello? Thor: It's me, Thor. Ted: So,... when you... coming over. Thor: I can't. My dog throwing up. I got to take it to the hospital. Christ Lulu! - She did it again. I got to go. [He hangs up.] Emmett: Ted? Ted: That was Thor. Lulu's throwing up. Emmett: Who's Lulu? Ted: Oh god! I'm getting hard. Emmett: There you see, it's working. - Oh, it's working(!) Ted: Yeah, uh uh, what do I do now? Emmett: What do you mean what do you do now? You need a manual? Honey, I've seen you in action. We've all seen you in action. I'm sure you've come up with something. Ted: Thanks. [Emmett hangs up and dunks himself into the tub as Ted frets about his dick.] [Mrs.Kinney kicks back a dainty stiff one as Brian fiddles with an ancient radio.] Brian: It's quite early, isn't it? Mrs.Kinney: Just something to calm my nerves. When was the last time I saw you? Brian: Christmas. Mrs.Kinney: You've stayed for an hour and broughed my flowers. The same ones. Mmmh, we better go. We don't wanna be late. Brian: For what? Mrs.Kinney: Church. Brian: Church? Mrs.Kinney: Claire said you take me. Brian: I never said that. What a bitch! Mrs.Kinney: Brian, do you had such a language! [Brian shoves the flowers (still wrapped) into a vase without water and pouts.] Brian: Why do you don't go at the eight o'clock service? Mrs.Kinney: Well, I've switched to the moon ones. It's more traditional. And we have that wonderful new minister. [The rap music continues as Mrs.Kinney sips another drink.] Mrs.Kinney: Are you comin'? Brian: Hell, no. Mrs.Kinney: Fine. I'm go myself. Brian: You can't go like that. Mrs.Kinney: Darling, I've managed quite well on my own without you, without anyone my entire life. Truly, I can do it. I don't need you. [The rap music takes over... and it comes from an urban basketball court. A basketball game is in full effect, and Ben appears to be the only white guy on the court. Passing and dodging. You see the occasional basket. Ben gets a rebound. Mike's there, cheering in surprise.] Michael: The NFL should signs you up. Ben: Uh, that's Football. Michael: Right, right I mean the NBL. Ben: There is no NBL. Michael: OK, I don't know anything about Basketball. Cause if you don't noticed I'm queer. Ben: Well, I love Basketball. And in case you've noticed I'm queer to. Michael: Oh, I've noticed. Guy: OK, guys, I've got to go. Michael: I'll cover. [Mikey awkwardly dribbles with both hands over to where Ben's standing.] Michael: Alright, let's play ball! Guy#2: I'll covered Mighty Mouse. Ben: C'mon, these guy will kill you. Give me the ball. Michael: No. Ben: I've said give me the ball, Michael! Michael: Not until you agree go out with me, tonight. Guy#2: Pardon me, give me the ball! Michael: Sure time, Godzilla. Guy#2: Huh? Michael: I'm not handing over the ball until he agrees to go out with me on the day. Ben: Are you out of your mind? Michael: You let my mother really need to ask that? Guy#2: I suggest you say yes, because if he's like the bitch I got at home, we're gonna be standing here all day. [Brian's walking his mother to church. They find a seat in the front. Brian looks at the large crucifix on the wall.] Brian: Jesus. Told him to lay off the Slim-Fast. Mrs.Kinney: Shh, behave yourself! When was your time last in church? Brian: It's been a while. Mrs.Kinney: Whenever I come here I feel a sense of calm, you know peace, knowing that I watched over, protected, safe. Brian: Yeah, but a good security system what do the same job and longer and cheaper than all those money you dropped in the collection plate over the years. Mrs.Kinney: Wait until you see the new minister. I can't tell you what a great comfort he has been since your father died. He calls, he visits, he makes sure I'm all right. Oh, he's been...like a son. Brian: Well, for his sake I sure hope you don't treat him like one. Mrs.Kinney: Here he is. [The new minister walks in. We're all treated to a flashback of Brian f*cking the sh1t out of the new minister. Everyone in the congregation sits back down except Brian, with visions of minister plums still dancing in his head. Brian sits down and can't control his titters.] [Music swells as the camera sweeps over a sleeping Ted. Fresh from a wonderful night's sleep, he stretches with a giant grin and looks down to find...his enormous boner!] Ted: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! [The church. Ted's screams are overlapped with the droning of the church bell.] Mrs.Kinney: Wasn't he wonderful? I want you to come and say hello. I've told him all about you. I told him how successful and good looking you are. He just dying to meet you. Reverend Tom. [Reverend Tom turns around and hugs Mrs.Kinney.] Rev.Tom: You never miss a single sunday. Mrs.Kinney: Not for a world! You never guess who's with me - my son. Rev.Tom: That's wonderful. Mrs.Kinney: I'll introduce you. Brian, this is Reverend Tom Butterfield. [The recognition is instantaneous.] Brian: Reverend Butterfield. My mothers told me so much about you. It's uncandy, but it feels like we're already met. Mrs.Kinney: Oh, excuse me. Uh, Ruth! [Brian, one foot still inside the church, lights a cigarette.] Brian: Great service. Rev.Tom: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Brian: I meant, at the baths. Rev.Tom: I don't know what to say. Brian: Me neither. I f*cked practically everybody in this town but this... [lauhgs] is a first. Rev.Tom: I would appreciated if you keep this between the two of us. Brian: You think I'm gonna tell my mom? She's even know that I'm gay. And I haven't talk to your boss for years, so don't worry, Rev. You're secret safe with me. [Lindsay and Mel's house. All guys, expect Ted, are eating with the Lesbos.] Mel: So, you f*cked your mother's minister? Justin: You should have seen it; it was totally hot. Lindsay: Isn't he taking just quite a chance? Brian: The average age of his parishioners is a hundred and two. A doubt there hanging out at bath. Emmett: I want onces be a priest. But I didn't want to live his life cloistered away in a roomful of men. Excuse me. [Emmetts cell phone rings. It's Ted's erection, just outside, wearing a trenchcoat. He whispers fiercely.] Ted: [whispers] It's me. Emmett: "Teddy?" Ted: [whispers] Sssh! Emmett: "Where are you?" Ted: [whispers] At Mel and Lindsay's front porge. Emmett: What are you doin' at the front porge? Why aren't you come in? Ted: Because I don't want the other to see me. I need to talk to you. So just slip outside and check on the wheater. But promised, promised, promised me you come alone. [Emmett opens the door with everyone standing there. Ted keeps his back turned.] Mel: Come and have some brunch. Ted: Uh, no. No thank you. I just need to talk to Emmett and then I'm be on my way. [whispers] I still have an erection(!) Emmett: What do you mean you still have an erection? Ted: Thank you, CNN. I took Viagra last night. It's been eighteenth hour and it won't be down. What I'm gonna do? Emmet: You tried soaking it? Lindsay: How about a cold shower? Brian: How about scaring it? Justin: That's the hiccups. Brian: Boo! Ted: Thank you all for caring. Mel: Why you do something that would absolutely scaring you off? Brian: That's a great idea. Why don't you two showing him your tits? Mel and Linds: Brian! Ted: [to Emmett] You said it would last a few hours tops. Emmett: Go figured. Justin: [to Brian] Maybe you should take some. Our s*x life isn't what it use to be. We're down like four times a day! Ted: I've got to do something! Emmett: OK, ok. Brian: Well just try to make it next Monday. Emmett: What is next monday? Brian: Flag day. [Brian's loft. Justin and Brian f*ck.] Justin: [gasps] I can't... believe... you f*ck... me... again. Brian: [gasps] It was... your idea... to steal Ted's... Viagra. [Just as they finish, there's a pounding at the door. They collapse on each other as the knocking continues.] Justin: Are you gonna answer? Brian: That'll go away. [Brian decides to answer the door. It's his mother. Brian mostly hides behind the door.] Brian: Mom! Mrs.Kinney: I'm sorry. Am I disturbing you? I was gonna leave this here by the door with the note. But then I though as long as I am here... Brian: ...and you might bang on this door million times and driving me nuts until I answered. Mrs.Kinney: It's your favourite! Chocolate, chocolate chip. [Brian let her in. Mrs. Kinney puts the cake on the counter.] Mrs.Kinney: It's just my way to say thank you for goin' with me to church. I can't tell you how much it meant. Brian: Well, let's do it again. Soon. Mrs.Kinney: I know you don't mean that. And I probably won't see you again for another six months. If you had any idea how lonely it gets know that your father is gone. I'm all alone night and day by myself. The phone never rings. If only we can be close. The way we wants were. Justin: Brian? Are you coming back? Mrs.Kinney: I didn't know there were someone else here. [Justin walks down, half-naked and covered in sweat as well. Justin's nursing his ass as he walks down the steps] Brian: Justin this is... my mother. Mom, this is Justin. Justin: [smiles] Hi. [Mrs.Kinney runs to the door. She pushes the call button for the elevator. Brian walks closer to her.] Brian: Mom? What? Are you weren't gonna talk to me? Mrs.Kinney: Thank god your father didn't know. Brian: He did. I told him before he died. Mrs.Kinney: What about your sister? [silence] So you've told everyone but me. I hope you know it's a sin. Brian: That I f*ck guys or that I didn't tell you? Mrs.Kinney: You make all jokes you want. The Bible makes it clear. You're goin' to hell. [SCENE_BREAK] [Emmett and Ted are at some doctor's office.] Emmett: What... what is it, doctor? Doctor: That's quite a boner you've got there. Ted: Nothing like the expert diagnosis of a train medical professionel. Emmett: Shhh. But doctor why, why won't get it down? Doctor: It's a prepism. A blood clot to the pen1s. Ted: Oh my god. Emmett: Well, it's better than a blood clot in the brain. Ted: Unless you think with your dick! [We can see the doctor flicking Ted's pen1s through the backlighting of the curtain.] Doctor: This is extremely unusual! One for the medical journals. Emmett: Or the Guinness Book of World Records. Ted: Shut up! So your recommendation? Doctor: Are you have any pain? Ted: No. Doctor: You can try to decongestant. Ted: A decongestant? I have a pen1s in a state of permanent for stage alert not for a stepped up diangosis. Isn't there nothing like cut eggin' you can do? Doctor: Well actually there is. We could insert twice wide needles of the shaft and brain the blood. Ted: You know decongestant is very effective for me. Emmett: But when will it go down? Doctor? A week? A month? A year? Doctor: Hard to say. Sorry. [Karaoke bar. Someone's butchering "Hot Stuff." Ted drinks a beer with Emmett and the other guys.] Guy: # Hot stuff, I need some hot stuff I want some hot stuff Ted: And I need a stiff one. [Brian laughs] The other kind. Emmett: Don't worrying. You heard what the doctor said. It will go down. Brian: Yeah, mine did. Justin: Yeah, thanks to your mom. She can make anyone lose their hard-on. Ted: Can I get her number? Michael: She just needs a little time to get used to it. Emmett: What, that her baby boy sucks hot, hard cock? Ted: And loves it! Brian: She's probably praying for my soul as we speech with Reverend Buttfuck. Well he's the one she believes in. The one she trust, the one that's been like a son to her. She only knew. Ted: Well, don't worry. God's still loves you. No matter what. Brian: Yeah, like I give a sh1t what God thinks about me. He should worried about what I think of Him. Michael: How you figured that? Brian: In all these cold, dead universe we're the only ones that exists. Without us He's nothin'. [Then Ben walks in. Michael gets up and going to the door.] Michael: You came! Ben: I said that I would, didn't I? [Mike joins Ben and gives him a hug.] Michael: Come over here and meet the guys. Ben: Wait. I thoughed this was only you and me. Michael: It is. C'mon. ["Hot Stuff" guy keeps getting butchered. Mike shows Ben off. Everyone says hello except Ted.] Michael: Hey guys, look who's here. Ben: Hey guys. Justin: Hey Ben. Ted: Forgive me for not standing. Brian: He already is. Emmett: So did you guys just happened to run into each other? Ben: Actually... Michael: No, I'm invited him. He's my date. Ted: Well, I thoughed you two... Michael: We did, but I'm hoping we're got back together again. Anybody got a problem with that? [no-one say a word] Glad to hear it. [to Ben] How about you? Guy: # Hot stuff, I need your hot stuff # Thank you. Thank you to me lover. You're all the hot stuff I need. [all cheers.] Emmett: Well, this was... so movie. Wasn't it movie? Well I think it takes real courage to stand up and singing for your love, off-key. Ben: I got to go. Michael: But you just got here. Ben: You said, let's get together and we did. Be careful, Michael. [Ben heads to the door. Just as Ben's about to leave, we hear someone pretending to singing a mostly off-key rendition of "Ben". Mike's standing on the stage, lip synching the words. The entire bar is quiet. Michael sings a song for Ben. The gang is quiet and watch him in shock.] [Outside. It's dark and night. Ben and Michael goes through the park.] Ben: Well, I've learned a lot about you in last days. Michael: Like what? Ben: You can't play basketball, and he can't sing. Michael: It's pretty amazing how untalented I am, isn't it? Ben: I did not say that. OK, I admit it, it took a lot of courage to get up there. Hell, it took balls. Michael: But I told you I know what I want and I'll do anything to get it. Ben: You mean me. Michael: Yeah, I mean you. [They kiss each other.] Ben: Alright, I tell you what. Diner tomorrow night at my place. I will make you a chicken set that will make you weep. Michael: Cool. - sh1t! Ben: What? Michael: I promised my mother I have diner with her and my Uncle Vic. Ben: Some other time then. Michael: No! No. Diner, tomorrow night. [Disco church! Brian sits in the empty hall watching Reverend Buttfuck.] Brian: Hello Reverend. I just came in for a few quit moments to say a prayer. Rev.Tom: Well, then don't let you disturb you. Brian: You see I have this terrible burden. Rev.Tom: And what is that? Brian: My mother recently discovered that I'm a... homosexual and... she thinks I'm goin' to hell. Rev.Tom: That is a problem. Brian: What she doesn't know is that so is the minister. Not only that and this is the part your never gonna believe. I actually had him - myself. Down on all fours, squealing like a pig. Rev.Tom: I don't think this is the time or the place to have this kind of discussion. Brian: What would she say if she knews that a man of God is at the bath and taking up the ass? Rev.Tom: I understand your feelings of anger, of pain. But there have nothing to do with me and with this church. That have to do with you and your mother. Brian: You knew a sh1t about my mother. Rev.Tom: I know a lot more than you. I spend time with her and I talked to her and I try to offer of comfort. Brian: Like telling her that I'm burn in hell. Rev.Tom: I don't teach that lesson. I teach love. I teach truth. Brian: The truth is your a goddamn liar. Rev.Tom: Brian, I you want to betray me if that's what you need to do? Then you doin'. But I know who have to answered to and it isn't you. Now get the f*ck out of my church. [Book store. Brian holding Gus on his arm.] Brian: So which piece of whimsical fiction would you prefer, Sonny Boy? Grimm's Fairy Tales or the Bible. Lindsay: If you gonna struck by lightning I appreciated if you do when Gus and I aren't around. Brian: It's all what it is - a book. Full of fairy tales made by a bunch of Bibel hitchers. The world's been killing itself over it ever since. Lindsay: So who's the latest victim? Your mother minister? Brian: She shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free. Lindsay: But the truth by the Saint Brian? So what do you hope to accomplished with your truth? You destroy him, which case you know different than a so called good christian... Brian: [to Gus] Doesn't mommy talk nice? All those big words. She has a right to know. Lindsay: That he's gay? So how come your never told her about yourself? Brian: Because my private life is not her goddamn business. Lindsay: Neither is the ministers. So tell her. Take away the one thing she's got. [At Debbies. In the kitchen.] Debbie: Do you think I made enough? Vic: It depends what you mean with enough. If you mean enough for the entire population of the western hemisphere then... yeah you made enough. Now relax, will ya? Debbie: Relax?! My son is bring home someone to meet us without my even askin'. At his request! When was the last time this were happen? Vic: Uh... Debbie: It never has! So this could be the one. The guy he wants to live with. Vic: Wouldn't it be a kicker if Brian walked through that door? Debbie: Well you get your meds adjusted. Michael: Ma? Uncle Vic? Debbie: God, he's here. Sweetheart. Hi baby! [Ben's back is turned, so Debbie doesn't see him right away, but once she does, it gets all quiet as she tries not to scream and cry right in front of him. Ben gives her flowers.] Michael: You remember Ben? Debbie: ...sure...Hi Ben. Ben: Hey. Michael: Ben, this is my Uncle Vic. Vic: It's a pleasure to meet you. Ben: Same here. Oh, these are for you. Debbie: Well thank you. There's lovely. Vic: Well? If we're gonna stand there, come on in. [Brian sits in a pew beside his mother. She's praying.] Brian: Mom! Imagine I found you here! Mrs.Kinney: I'm prayin', Brian. Brian: For my soul? Mrs.Kinney: I always include you in my prayers. Brian: What a pal. [He takes off his jacket and plops beside her. She tries to ignore him, but she can't, because he keeps coughing. Mrs. Kinney unclasps her hands and sits back beside him.] Mrs.Kinney: Now then, what do you want? Brian: There is something I thoughed you might like to hear. I seen this would be the perfect setting. Mrs.Kinney: I hope you've come to ask forgivenness. Brian: Not exactly. Mrs.Kinney: It's the only salvation there is. Brian. What about the salvation army? Mrs.Kinney: I always though you were so smart, so clever, so much better than everybody else. For all the cleverness in this world isn't gonna help you... Brian: Safe it for your fag-free afterlife. Mrs.Kinney: Oh, alright. Go ahead, mock me. Mock my faith, mock God. You don't different than your father. He used to mock me, too. He called my a saint. Said I was as stone cold as one. [Brian laughs.] Mrs.Kinney: It's hard to love a man who's never giving you a kind word in thirty years. He's rather spend times with his friends, drinking than with me. He not cared about his family. He didn't even want me to have you. Brian: I know the story. Mrs.Kinney: You may have heard it but you don't know it. You don't how I had put up with his abuse. You don't know how I had to protect you from him. You don't know how I had to let him hit me instead of you. You don't know that, do you? Brian: I don't want to hear that. Mrs.Kinney: No, of course not. You couldn't be bothered. You never could. Because you're selfish. Brian: It's not true. Mrs.Kinney: I'm sorry to say it, but it is. All you ever cared about was yourself. I kept depend on you anymore than I depend on him. But there is someone I count on, no matter what. Brian: Let me gues, Reverend Tom. Mrs. Kinney: God. God will always be there for me. God will never let me down. Who can you say that about? [Debbie's house. Debbie is politely listening to small talk, but her wiggling ankle's giving her away.] Ben: I mind my mom never did anything to help us. She couldn't join P-FLAG right. She had to the chapter president. Vic: Sounds familiar. Michael: I bet you two have a lot in common, mom. Debbie: Uh-huh. Anybody hungry? I am. [She leaves the room. Butt shot on Mikey as he walks into the kitchen.] Michael: You need any help? Debbie: No. Michael: Ben's awesome, isn't he? Debbie: Awesome. Where's my goddamn cheese grater? [She starts grinding cheese.] Michael: I like him, mom. I like him a lot. Debbie: I know you do, sweetheart. I like him,too. He's handsome, charming, smart, and probably works out twice a week. I just don't like him for you. And friendly I don't appreciated you ambushed me. Michael: I did not ambush you! Debbie: You know how I feel about him. I made it perfectly clear. You don't even bother to tell me you bring him in! Michael: I don't need your permission. Debbie: Listen, this is still my house. And in my house you still say, 'Mother may I?'. Michael: I love him, mom. That's the reality. And you just gonna have to live with it. [Back in the living room. Debbie sits quietly at the head of the table.] Vic: God, I missed New York. I lived there for all the years, you know. What's that bar on the westside? "The Works". You ever go there? Ben: Well, you kidding? I grew up around the corner. Debbie: So how long you've been positive, Ben? Michael: Mother? Debbie: Is just like to know. Ben: That's ok. I'm fine with that. 5 years. Debbie: What your T-Cell count? [Michael throwing his fork away.] Ben: Six hundred. Debbie: Even been hospitalized? Ben: Not not yet. [he knocks wood] Not would. [Cut to Vic, who's staring straight ahead.] Debbie: Viral load? Ben: Undetectable. Debbie: On the cocktail? Ben: Anti-virals. Michael: What the f*ck you think you're doin'? Debbie: This is the reality, sweetheart. And you're just gonna have to live with it. [Babylon. Men douse themselves with bottles of water. Emmett and Ted walk out on the dance floor.] Emmett: It's great that you up in the world. You know you never let your get down. Ted: I wish something would get it down. Thor: Hey Ted. Listen I'm sorry for the other night. Ted: I know. How's Lulu? Thor: Turns out she had eat my shorts. Caused her tummy great distress. Emmett: You know that same thing happens to me. Thor: So, you're up for a little action? Emmett: He's up for it, all right. [Ted leaves with Thor. Emmett dances in a very sexy, very fun way. In the back, Thor grabs Ted's crotch.] Thor: Wow, some monster. [He goes to his knees and pulls down Ted's pants. Ted leans back happily. Just as Ted groans, Thor gets upset.] Thor: Hey. Ted: Is something wrong? Thor: It's going down. Ted: It is. It is! It's goin' down! I'm soft! You made my dick soft! Thor: You have to broadcast it? Ted: [screams] Hey, I'm soft! It's soft! [Ben and Michael go back to Ben's place.] Michael: It's supposed to be a diner not the f*cking Spanish inqueersition. She knows lots of positive people. Ben: But none that dating her son. She just tryin' to protect you. Michael: I don't need anybody to protecting me. Ben: I try tell that. What she was asking you have a right to know. I'm in good shape now. But I can't promise that he always will be. Michael: But there is not always there is only now. That's all we have. Isn't this what you're always telling me? Ben: That's what I'm always telling you. Michael: So then... I don't care what anyone else says and feels. I just care how I feel. [Michael and Ben kiss without tongue. Ben takes off his shirt. Michael takes his own shirt off and pecks at Ben's neck and shoulders. Ben lies back on the bed as Mike unwraps a condom.] Ben: I need you be very sure. Michael: [smiles] I am sure. [He puts the condom on Ben and they roll over. Ben takes Michael's leg over his shoulder. Michael pants and looks a bit surprised. They kiss. Then it gets all blurry. Focus on the Buddha.] [Babylon. Justin dancing on the crowd.] Justin: Hey, a double! Brian: Two double Jim Beams. Rev.Tom: Let me take that. Brian: That's a first. A clergyman buying someone else a drink. Rev.Tom: Your mother tells me you were at church. Brian: Yeah, but not for the reason you think. Rev.Tom: Whatever the reason thank you. Brian: For what? Rev.Tom: For not sayin' anything. Brian: I didn't do it for you. Rev.Tom: You're a good son. Brian: Promise not to tell. Now if you'll excuse me I'm...going to hell. [Brian dives back into the dance floor with his booze and his boy. The minister watches Brian kiss and dance with his young boyfriend.]

Michael fights to get Ben back in his life - he has to prove he can handle the HIV positive situation. Brian is introduced to his mother's minister - but they've already met (not in church). Ted has a really hard time dealing with some performance enhancing drugs.

fd_Merlin_04x08

fd_Merlin_04x08_0

"In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name...Merlin". LONGSTEAD, THE HOWDENS' HOUSE - NIGHT John stirs the fire while Mary folds a blanket. John Howden: There's a chill in the air tonight. Mary chuckles. John Howden: What? Mary Howden: You say that every night. John Howden: Do I now? Mary Howden: Only for the last thirty years. Stop your fussing and come to bed. There is a scream outside. John lights a torch and gets up. Mary grabs his arm. Mary Howden: John...don't go outside, I'm begging you. John Howden: It's my duty. I'm the elder of this village. Mary Howden: John, please! John Howden: Lock the door behind me. Let no one in. No one, do you hear? John searches outside. He enters a common building and sees a door opening and closing with the wind. He steps through the doorway and a man falls on him. John supports him and looks at his pale, staring face. John Howden: Aldref? Aldref is limp on his feet, eyes wide. John looks around him. John Howden: Hello? Is there anybody there? Nearby a figure slithers out of sight. [SCENE_BREAK] OPENING TITLES [SCENE_BREAK] LOWER TOWN, GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY Gwen is at home. Someone knocks at the door. She opens it. Mary Howden: Gwen? Gwen: Mary? Mary Howden: I was told I might find you here. Gwen: Mary ! (pulls Mary into her house). What a wonderful surprise! Mary Howden: I hope I'm not interrupting anything. Gwen: No, no, not at all. What brings you to Camelot? Mary Howden: I don't want to trouble you, Gwen. John and I, I...I know we haven't seen you for many years, but...there was no one else we could turn to. Gwen: What is it? Mary Howden: Just...we're just so scared. Gwen: Oh, Mary... They hug. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY Gwen and Mary sit at the table. Gwen holds Mary's hand. King Arthur: Guinevere informs me that you live in Longstead in the Fiore Mountains, is that right? Mary Howden: That's right, Sire. Our village...we are blighted by a sickness. Three good men it has taken now. We have no physician, Sire. It is beyond our understanding. King Arthur: I see. Mary Howden: Forgive me. I have no right to bring such a small matter before the king. King Arthur: You have every right (he sits) It's my responsibility to protect the people of this kingdom, whoever they may be. Mary Howden: You'll help us? King Arthur: I'll do whatever I can. Mary looks hopefully at Gwen and touches her hand. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin cares for a sick patient while Gaius speaks with Arthur. Gaius: This is the fourth case of sweating sickness I've seen today. In normal circumstances, I'd be happy to travel to this village to investigate, but... King Arthur: Of course. I understand. Gaius: Might I make a suggestion, Sire? Why not send Merlin in my place? Merlin looks at Gaius and Gaius looks at Arthur. King Arthur: (dubious): Merlin? Gaius: He has a knowledge of the healing arts. If the diagnosis is straightforward, he can prescribe a remedy, I'm sure. King Arthur: And what if it isn't? Gaius: Then he can bring his findings to me. King Arthur: "Findings"? Merlin can't find his own backside most of the time. Gaius: I think he's capable of much more than you imagine, Sire. King Arthur: (aside to Gaius): Do you really think he'll be able to...handle the responsibility? Gaius: Yes, Sire. I do. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Merlin: Do you really think I can do this, Gaius? Gaius: I know you can. Merlin: I'm not a physician. I don't have anything like the knowledge you do. Gaius: You've been working for me for many years, Merlin. I suspect you know more than you think you do. Merlin: I just do what you tell me to do. I don't have to make the decisions myself. These people will be putting their lives in my hands. Gaius: I put my life in your hands every day, Merlin, as does Arthur and Gwen and all of Camelot, though they may not know it. You're the one who holds the fate of this kingdom in the balance. Merlin: That's different. That doesn't require a lifetime of learning, just... Gaius: Intelligence, courage, compassion (Merlin smiles) All I know is...I have every faith in you. KING'S PALACE, MERLIN'S CHAMBER Merlin packs for the journey. Gaius enters. Gaius: Merlin. Before you go (holds out his medicine bag), you'll need this. Merlin: Oh, I can't take that, Gaius. That's your medicine bag. Gaius: Don't worry. I've got plenty of spare supplies. Merlin: Thanks, Gaius. Gaius: Are you ready? Merlin: As I'll ever be. Gaius nods with a smile. FOREST - DAY Mary, Merlin, and Gwen ride off with the knights. They stop at the top of a hill. Mary Howden: My village lies at the foot of those mountains. Sir Leon: With luck, we should be there by nightfall. LONGSTEAD - NIGHTFALL A few villagers gather as they arrive. Mary dismounts and John greets her with a hug. Gwen: John (she hugs him). It's good to see you. We came as quickly as we could. John Howden: Words cannot express our gratitude, Gwen. (he looks up) Where's Gaius? Merlin: I'm sorry. He was needed in Camelot, but I will help in any way that I can. John Howden (to Gwen): We're living in fear for our lives. We need a skilled physician, not a boy. Sir Elyan (offended): His name is Merlin. Gwen: He was appointed acting physician by King Arthur himself. Merlin: Where are they? John points. Merlin and Gwen head off in that direction. LONGSTEAD, TEMPORARY WARD - NIGHT Merlin uses a small mirror to check for breath. Merlin: They're alive, but only just. How long have they been like this? John Howden: Two or three days. We've tried to feed them, keep them warm, but nothing seems to make any difference. Gwen: And you've no idea what happened to them? John Howden: No. It just strikes suddenly, without warning. Merlin: Well, we need to stimulate the blood flow. Poultice of betulial should work, and a tincture of belladonna to stimulate the heart. Gwen nods to his instructions. John Howden: Will it kill them? Will it...bring them back? Merlin: Let's see what the morning brings. Right now we need hot water and plenty of blankets. Gwen and John leave. Merlin waits to be alone and turns to one of the patients. Merlin: Ic e urhh le in licsare! Merlin's eyes glow, but nothing happens. LONGSTEAD, TEMPORARY WARD - NIGHT Merlin is reading. He hears a hissing sound outside. He takes a fishing rod by the door and goes to investigate. After a tense moment with more hissing, he turns around the corner of the house and is startled by Gwaine. Merlin: Gwaine! Sir Gwaine: Sorry. Call of nature. Merlin: I could've killed you! Sir Gwaine: With a fishing rod? "Sir Gwaine was slain...with a fishing rod"? Merlin laughs. Sir Gwaine: That's the stuff of legends, eh? Gwaine chuckles and walks off. Merlin hears the hissing again, but nothing's there. He follows Gwaine. LONGSTEAD, TEMPORARY WARD - DAY Merlin and Gwen see to the sick. Merlin: I barely feel a pulse. John enters. John Howden: How are they? Merlin: I'm afraid the treatments have had no effect. John Howden: You mean they're dying. Merlin: I'm sorry. There's something at work here that I don't understand. John Howden: Are you suggesting sorcery? Merlin: That's...possible, yes. John Howden: I feared as much. The other night, when I found Aldref, I felt a...a presence. An evil in the air. Merlin turns to Gwen. Merlin: We need to get back to Gaius. Only he can explain this. LONGSTEAD - DAY Gwen, Merlin, and the knights ride out. FOREST - DAY Sir Leon sees campfire smoke and holds up a hand to stop the group. Sir Leon: Dismount and muzzle your horses. Not a sound, any of you. They dismount and they sneak closer on foot. Merlin: Bandits ? Sir Elyan (nods): Looks like it. Sir Leon: We'll skirt their camp. With any luck, we'll reach the plain unnoticed. Sir Gwaine sees a girl with her hands tied being jostled by the men. Sir Gwaine: Over there. Sir Gwaine draws his sword and rushes down to the camp. The others follow. They kill most of the bandits, and the rest flee. Sir Percival: Over here. Sir Percival is cradling the unconscious girl. Sir Percival: Looks like we're too late. Merlin checks her. Merlin: No, she's... The girl screams and tries to get away from Merlin. Sir Percival: Hey. Hey. Hey, it's all right. It's all right. Gwen crouches down next to them. The girl settles down as Percival cradles her and looks into her eyes. Sir Percival: We're knights of Camelot. You're safe now. You're safe. Gwen: Here (she reaches to untie the girl's bonds and the girl squirms). My name's Gwen. What's yours? Lamia: Lamia. My name is Lamia. Merlin gets out some medical supplies. Gwen: What happened to you, Lamia? Lamia: I...was travelling home and the bandits took me. They... (whimpers and snuggles against Sir Percival). Merlin: Your hands. Did they do this to you? Merlin reaches to tend to Lamia's wrists, but she recoils from his touch. Lamia: No ! No ! Sir Leon crouches down and puts a hand on Lamia's arm. Sir Leon: Are you strong enough to ride? She nods. Sir Leon: Then let's get out of here before they return. Sir Percival picks up Lamia and they head off. FOREST - DAY They all lead their horses, Lamia sits on Percival's. Sir Leon: We'll be safe here till the morning. The group stops and Merlin offers Lamia help to dismount. Merlin: Here. She hisses Sir Percival: Hey! (pushes merlin) Get away from her, Merlin ! (picks her in his arms)...and stay away. Gwen (low): Merlin, he didn't mean it. They're just tired, that's all. FOREST CAMP - NIGHT Sir Percival takes the first watch. He hears a girl crying in the woods and goes to investigate. He finds Lamia curled up by a tree. He kneels down and comforts her. Sir Percival: Don't worry (stroking her face) No harm can come to you now. Sir Percival holds her close and her eyes glow green with a hiss. She lifts her face up, but a twig snaps and Percival stands up, sword ready for attack. Merlin: Sorry. Sir Percival lowers the sword. Lamia glares at Merlin. Merlin: Would you like some water? Merlin holds out a flask. Sir Percival ignores him, returns to Lamia, and walks off with his arm around her. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - NIGHT King Arthur: It's been two days. They should be back by now. Agravaine: There must be some delay at Longstead, Sire. King Arthur: If there was a delay, they would have sent word. Agravaine: Then the bridge is down at Brechfa River. King Arthur: No, I already checked. A patrol passed through there yesterday. Agravaine: Well, should I send some scouts out to search for them? King Arthur: Gaius, is your work done here? Gaius: Yes, Sire. I'm satisfied the sweating sickness is all but passed. King Arthur: Then we leave for Longstead at first light. CAMELOT - DAY Arthur's party rides out. FOREST - DAY Gwen: Would you... Gwen tries to hand Lamia a bowl of food, but Lamia flinches away from her. Gwen: I'll just put it here. Gwen places the bowl nearby and walks over to Merlin. Gwen: She still won't eat. No appetite at all. Poor girl. Sir Leon: Pack your bags. We ride East with the rising sun. Merlin: Wait...East? Camelot lies West of here. Sir Elyan: Lamia has asked that we take her home. Merlin: No, we need to get Gaius. Sir Gwaine: Gaius can wait. Merlin: We were sent to help the people of Longstead. Their lives depend on us. Sir Leon: You dare to question our judgment? You are not a knight! You're not even a physician! You're nothing but a servant! Come on. Gwen: Please! Listen! Merlin's right, we have to get back to... Sir Elyan: Stay out of this, Gwen. It's none of your business. Gwen is surprised and confused. The knights all help Lamia on their way. Gwen scoffs in disbelief. Merlin is suspicious. FOREST - DAY Arthur's party rides through the forest. Arthur sends out a scout and dismounts. Gaius dismounts and approaches him. Gaius: Is anything wrong, Sire? King Arthur (whispers): Listen. No birdsong. Nothing. The scout comes back. Knight (whisper): Sire! Arthur draws his sword from his horse. They discover a Southron camp, corpses lying on the forest floor. King Arthur: Does anything strike you as odd about these bodies? Gaius: Yes, Sire. There's not a mark on them. King Arthur: Not so much as a scratch. Agravaine: Over here, my Lord! Arthur approaches a prison wagon. King Arthur: Southron slave traders by the looks of it. Agravaine: What were they transporting? Some kind of an animal? Gaius (examines scratch marks on the wood): No. These marks were made by humans. And whoever they were, they did anything they had to to get out. One of the Southrons moans. Arthur and Gaius check on him. King Arthur: Can he be treated? Gaius: I... I could try, Sire. But I'll need time and somewhere to work. King Arthur (to knights): He comes with us! (to Gaius) We'll make Longstead in a matter of hours. FOREST - DAY Sir Leon heads towards Lamia to offer her some water but Sir Gwaine gets the water skin from him, pushing Sir Leon away. Sir Leon grabs Sir Gwaine by the arm and stops him. Sir Leon: Why don't you watch what you're doing? Sir Gwaine: Why don't you watch your damn tongue? Sir Leon: You'd do well to learn some manners. Sir Gwaine: Nothing I can learn from you, Leon. Sir Gwaine shoves him. Merlin and Gwen look over. Sir Leon: We'll see about that. Leon shoves Gwaine. Merlin: Enough! What's got into you? Sir Leon pushes Sir Gwaine and they start fighting. Lamia twirls her hair with a smirk as Sir Percival and Sir Elyan pull Sir Gwaine and Sir Leon apart. Sir Leon is wounded. Merlin: Great! Merlin goes to check Sir Leon's arm. Gwen: I'll get the medicine bag. Merlin leads Leon away. Merlin: Come on. Lamia smirks. LONGSTEAD - NIGHT Arthur gives orders to his knights. King Arthur: Spread out and speak to everyone. Someone must know something. Agravaine meets Arthur. [SCENE_BREAK] King Arthur: Did you speak to the village elder? Agravaine: It seems they left yesterday morning. King Arthur: Where are they headed? Agravaine: Camelot, my Lord. King Arthur: Something must've happened. Agravaine: We can't go after them tonight. King Arthur: Then we ride at dawn. See that the men are prepared. Agravaine: Sire. LONGSTEAD, TEMPORARY WARD - NIGHT Gaius: And they've been like this for four days? John Howden: And each day they grow weaker. Gaius (nods): Merlin is right. This is no ordinary illness. There is sorcery at work here. FOREST - NIGHT Merlin tends to Leon and Gwen brings him bandages. Sir Leon: That needle's the size of a spear. Merlin: I'm sorry, it's all I have. Gwen: There. Done. Sir Leon: Thank you. Sir Leon gets up in a huff and puts his shirt back on. Gwen sits in his place. Merlin (low): Leon and Gwaine, I've never known them to act like this. Gwen (whispers): Elyan's the same. I hardly recognize him. Merlin: I think it's something to do with her. Gwen (surprised): Lamia? Merlin: The knights are like brothers. Yet, they fight and quarrel like foes? Gwaine puts a blanket on Lamia's shoulders. Merlin: It started the moment we found her. Gwen: But look at her. She's just a girl. How could she affect them this way? Merlin: I don't know. LONGSTEAD, ARTHUR'S QUARTERS - NIGHT Gaius enters. King Arthur: Any luck with the Southron? Gaius: I've done my best, Sire. His condition is perilous, but he lives. King Arthur: Was he able to tell us anything? Gaius: He is a slave trader, as you suspected. They were travelling South with a girl. King Arthur: Did he say what happened to them? Gaius: He claims they fell under some kind of spell. Quarrels and fights broke out among them. They began to suspect the girl of bewitching them. Seems they were right. King Arthur: Why? What happened? Gaius: The girl escaped and killed them all but him. King Arthur: How's that possible? She's just one girl. Gaius: Not a girl, Sire. A lamia. King Arthur: A lamia? Gaius: A creature of magic. In their wars with the ancient kings, the High Priestesses of the Old Religion took the blood from a girl and mingled it with that of a serpent. The creatures they created had ferocious powers. They could control the mind of a man, suck the life from him with a single embrace. King Arthur: Which is why none of the traders had a mark on them. Gaius: But the lamia proved more deadly than their makers had ever imagined. FOREST, CAMP - NIGHT Sir Elyan is on watch as the others sleep. Gaius (V.O.): They could transform at will and become hideous monsters. Elyan hears a hiss and goes to investigate. LONGSTEAD - ARTHUR'S QUARTERS - NIGHT Gaius: And they kept on killing, Sire. They would not stop. King Arthur: So this girl, this creature, is still out there somewhere. Gaius (nods): I'm afraid so, Sire. FOREST CAMP - NIGHT Sir Elyan keeps on investigating. He hears a rustle and draws his sword. It's Lamia. She holds up her hands. Lamia: Forgive me (Sir Elyan lowers the sword) I didn't mean to frighten you. I couldn't sleep. Sir Elyan: Nor could I. Then again, it is my job to stay awake. Lamia (walks closer): Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. Lamia takes his face in her hands and kisses him. She hisses. Sir Elyan convulses and drops to the ground as Lamia's eyes flash green. FOREST CAMP - DAY Everyone wakes. Sir Percival: Elyan? Gwen: He was supposed to be on guard. He should've woken us long before now. Elyan! Sir Leon: Elyan! Elyan! Gwen, stay with Lamia. The rest of you, come with me. Spread out. The knights draw their swords and head off. Sir Leon: Elyan! Lamia: Don't worry. They'll find your brother soon enough. Sir Percival (distant): Elyan! Elyan! FOREST - DAY Arthur leads his horse as he tracks Gwen's party. He examines the ground. King Arthur: Six horses...running East...tracks are no more than a day old. Arthur mounts and they ride off. FOREST - DAY Sir Leon and Sir Percival carry an unconscious Sir Elyan Gwen: Oh, g... Elyan! What happened to him? Sir Leon: I don't know. We found him like this. Gwen rushes to Merlin. Gwen: Merlin! (whispers) She did this. I know she did. Merlin turns to the knights. Merlin: We need to get him back to Camelot now. Lamia stands up. Lamia: I know this area. There's a castle not far from here. We could take shelter there. You could tend to your friend. Sir Gwaine: Then lead the way. Merlin: We don't need shelter, thank you. We need Gaius. Gwen: He's right. Sir Leon: Silence! Both of you! You have no say in these matters! You come with us, or you stay here. It's up to you. Let's go. Sir Leon and Sir Percival carry off Sir Elyan. Lamia glares at Gwen and Merlin and follows. FOREST - DAY Gwen and Merlin ride in the back of the party. They speak in low tones. Gwen: We could try reasoning with them or tell them Lamia's responsible for what's happening. Merlin: They won't listen to reason. You've seen how they are. It's like they're under an enchantment. Gwen: We have to do something! Merlin: Arthur's our only hope now. We've been gone too long, he must know something's wrong. Gwen: They'll never find us now. We're in the middle of nowhere. Merlin: We need to give him some help. FOREST - DAY [SCENE_BREAK] King Arthur: Tracks stop here. Agravaine: I fear we're wasting our time, Sire. For all we know, they could've gone back to Camelot already. King Arthur: No. Camelot lies West of here. Tracks heading...East. Arthur thinks for a moment, then turns to his knights. King Arthur: Fan out! See what you can find. FOREST - DAY Merlin waits as Gwen rips off part of her tunic and ties it to a tree. She mounts and they catch up to the others. They reach an opening in the trees that looks down on the castle Lamia mentioned. FOREST - DAY Arthur's party continues searching for tracks. Agravaine finds some and covers them up. He smirks. CASTLE - DAY Gwen's party enters the castle through a cave. Lamia: This way. Merlin grabs Sir Percival's arm. The others continue on. Merlin: This is madness, Percival. Elyan needs help. You know nothing about this girl. You have no idea where she's taking you. Sir Percival looms menacingly over Merlin. Sir Percival: You heard Sir Leon. We've no interest in your opinion. So keep your mouth shut, or I'll shut it for you. They enter the caves and Leon's torch goes out. Sir Leon: Is everyone all right? Merlin lights his torch with a spell and brings it up to light Sir Leon's. Lamia is gone. Sir Leon: Where's Lamia. Lamia! They enter a great hall to find it strewn with skeletons. Merlin: What is this place? Sir Leon: Whatever it is, it isn't safe. We need to find Lamia. She could be in danger. Merlin: We're the ones in danger, Leon. She's brought us here to... She's led us to a trap. Sir Percival: That's a lie! Merlin: She's poisoned your minds and you can't see... Sir Leon: Enough! Merlin: It was Lamia that attacked Elyan! Sir Leon (grabs Merlin): I said ENOUGH! (pushes Merlin to the ground). Gwen: Please! My brother's hurt! We need to find him somewhere warm! Sir Leon is barely able to contain his anger and rushes out. They follow. Sir Gwaine and Gwen continue carrying Sir Elyan between them. Sir Gwaine stops. Sir Gwaine: Over here. They enter a vine-covered room and set Elyan down. Sir Gwaine: I'll make us a fire. Sir Leon: Percival and I will search for Lamia. Leon gets in Merlin's face. Sir Leon: You will stay here and you will do as Gwaine says. Do I make myself clear? Sir Gwaine steps on a wooden box, breaking it, stating his authority FOREST - DAY Arthur's party rides through the woods. King Arthur: It's impossible. They can't have just disappeared. Agravaine: It could be that we're following the wrong tracks, my Lord. Any number of people pass through these woods. King Arthur: It was them. I know it was. Agravaine: Maybe we should go back to Longstead, try again in the morning. King Arthur: By morning they could all be dead. Agravaine: They're knights of Camelot, my Lord, more than capable of looking after themselves. King Arthur: Maybe so. But you're forgetting one thing, Uncle. Guinevere is with them. Agravaine: I realise that, Sire. King Arthur: We keep going. All night if necessary. CASTLE, VINE CHAMBER - DAY Merlin leans against a column while Gwen sits on the floor stroking her brother's head on her lap. Sir Gwaine: We need more wood. Merlin: I'll go and get some. Sir Gwaine laughs humourlessly. Sir Gwaine: No! You stay where you are. I'll go get it myself. You're not going anywhere. Merlin: Gwaine, please listen to me. It's not safe for you out there. Sir Gwaine: You trying to tell me my business? Merlin: No, I'm just saying that... Sir Gwaine: What? Merlin: Nothing. Sir Gwaine whips the torch in front of Merlin's face and stalks off. Merlin turns to Gwen. She's crying. Gwen (about Sir Elyan): If he doesn't get some help soon, he's not going to make it. CASTLE CORRIDORS - DAY Sir Gwaine searches the castle, a hand on his sword hilt. He hears a noise and draws his sword, but it turns out to be a rat crawling through some bones. Meanwhile, Sir Leon and Sir Percival hear a hiss. Sir Percival: That was her. I'm sure of it. Sir Leon (excited): Lamia? (looks down both ends of the corridor) It's nothing. Leon continues, but Percival hears a hiss and walks toward it. CASTLE, VINE CHAMBER - DAY Gwen: I don't understand it. Why have only the knights been enchanted? Why not us as well? Merlin: You're a woman. Gwen: So? Merlin: All the victims have been men. Gwen: So why haven't you fallen under her spell? Merlin: I've just been lucky, I suppose. Gwen: There must be a reason. Merlin: Maybe it's because I'm not a knight. Gwen: The three villagers weren't knights, either. Merlin: Who knows? Gwen (shakes her head): There's something about you, Merlin. It's the way she looks at you as if you were the enemy. They hear a distant yell. Merlin: Whatever you do, don't leave this room. He leaves CASTLE - DAY Merlin hears the lamia hiss and investigates. Merlin (whispers): Gwaine? Merlin approaches Sir Gwaine who is standing against a column. Merlin (whispers): Gwaine? Merlin touches his shoulder and Sir Gwaine falls on him, slack jawed. FOREST - DAY Arthur's party continues their search. Arthur finds one of Gwen's cloth scraps on a broken tree. King Arthur: Agravaine! Agravaine: Sire? Arthur holds Guinevere's cloth scrap. King Arthur: It's Guinevere's. Agravaine: How can you be certain? King Arthur: It's from her tunic. I'd know it anywhere. We must be close. Arthur rides off. CASTLE - DAY Merlin runs down a hall and hears the lamia hiss. FOREST - DAY King Arthur's party reaches the view of the castle. King Arthur: Come on. CASTLE - DAY Sir Percival hears a girl weeping and investigates. He pulls back a curtain and finds Lamia curled up on the floor crying. Sir Percival: Lamia. He crouches down to her and turns her to face him. Sir Percival: You all right? I've been looking everywhere for you. Lamia: I thought you might never find me. Thank you, Percival. Thank you. Lamia kisses Sir Percival and her eyes glow green as Percival's life force is drained. He falls unconscious. Sir Leon (arrives in time to witness it): No. No. No! No! He tries to attack her but she blasts him away. Merlin arrives to find Lamia crouched over, kissing Sir Leon. Merlin: You won't find me such easy prey. Lamia: Your magic holds no fear me. I could've killed you anytime I wished. Merlin: Then...what are you waiting for? Lamia attacks, throwing Merlin backwards. She hisses. Merlin: urhdrif hie ecg! The spell throws a sword into Lamia's torso. She is blasted away. Merlin gets up and checks Sir Percival's pulse. Lamia hisses from the shadows. Merlin searches for her and is smacked with a tentacle. The lamia pursues him. Merlin: *spell* Merlin collapses the ceiling on the lamia. Gwen hears the collapse. The rocks have not squashed the lamia. She bursts through with a shriek. Gwen hears it, grabs a sword, and goes looking for it. Merlin runs from the lamia. Gwen finds Merlin running towards her. Gwen: Merlin! Gwen goes to Merlin, but he pushes her in the opposite direction and they take off running as the lamia comes around the corner. The lamia knocks Merlin down, grabs his leg with a tentacle and drags him in. The lamia is about to strike when... Gwen: Get away from him! Gwen charges the lamia and runs her sword into it. She strikes again, but loses the sword and falls down. She and Merlin slide quickly backwards along the floor, trying to scramble away from the tentacles, but the lamia looms overhead. Merlin raises a hand ready to cast a spell, his eyes already glowing but the lamia topples forward, a spear in its back, revealing Arthur behind it. Arthur steps cautiously forward, checking for any movement. Gwen scrambles to her feet and runs to him. Gwen: Arthur! Gwen jumps into his arms. He laughs. Merlin: You carry on. Don't worry about me. King Arthur: Sorry. Arthur helps him off the ground. Laughs and pats his shoulder King Arthur (teasingly): It's almost good to see you, Merlin. Merlin: Likewise. King Arthur: Almost. Merlin scoffs in amusement. Arthur goes back to Gwen and they walk out. Merlin picks up Gwen's sword and follows. LONGSTEAD - DAY Gaius treats the Knights of the Round Table. Arthur enters. King Arthur: How are they doing? Gaius: I have given them the same compound that cured the villagers, Sire. They're fortunate that you got to them when you did. King Arthur: Thank you, Gaius. Arthur pats Gaius on the shoulder and Gaius nods. Arthur shakes hands with Sir Percival, who's awake and he exits. LONGSTEAD - DAY Arthur emerges from the temporary ward and sees Merlin. King Arthur (teasing): So...Merlin. Being saved by a woman! That really can't feel good. Merlin: Feels a lot better than being dead. King Arthur: Does it? Being saved by a woman...(raises one hand, palm up) ...or dying... He raises the other hand, palm up, and shifts them like he's weight the scales. He drops his arms. King Arthur: I'd have to think about that one. Merlin: Well, don't think too hard. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. Arthur drops his jaw in mock astonishment and punches Merlin in the arm. Merlin grins. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY Arthur stands at the table reading some documents. Someone knocks. King Arthur: Come. Gwen enters. Gwen: You wanted to see me? Arthur turns around and leans against the table. King Arthur: Just want to make sure you're all right. You've been through a lot these past few days. Gwen: I'm fine. Nothing a change of clothes couldn't cure. King Arthur: I thought I knew everything about you, Guinevere. Your loyalty, your wisdom. Since when did you become this fearless hero? Gwen (chuckles): Well, maybe you just didn't notice before. King Arthur: Mm. Maybe I didn't. Truly...(he takes her hand) you showed great courage back there. Gwen: I did what anyone else would've done. King Arthur: You did a good deal more than that. You were equal to any knight of Camelot. I'm proud of you. Gwen (beams): Really? Gwen steps closer. Arthur smiles. King Arthur: Really. Arthur takes her in his arms and they kiss.

When the menfolk of Guinevere's home village fall victim to a mysterious illness, Gaius sends Merlin, along with Guinevere and the Knights, to cure them, but they are side-tracked by a waif-like girl, Lamia. Only Merlin and Guinevere suspect, rightly, that she is responsible, and soon the Knights fall under her spell, fighting each other. As Arthur rides out with Gaius, who has realised the girl's secret, the Knights succumb, one by one, to the same sickness. Merlin's magic protects him while he and Gwen fight her, but it is Arthur's timely arrival which kills the creature and prevents Merlin from revealing his powers. Gaius heals the knights as well as the villagers.

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1. THE ROAD TO KARAKORUM (IAN and PING-CHO have confronted KUIJU about the stolen TARDIS.) IAN: Tegana... (Suddenly, TEGANA appears in the clearing, clutching his sword. PING-CHO screams as TEGANA grabs hold of her. IAN moves the dagger further towards KUIJU's throat as TEGANA moves closer.) IAN: I'll kill him. (TEGANA waves his sword impassively.) TEGANA: Do so. He is of no importance. (IAN hesitates as he moves the dagger millimetres from KUIJU's throat...) TEGANA: Come... come... (TEGANA tightens his grip on PING-CHO.) IAN: Will the mighty Warlord kill a child as well? TEGANA: If in my way, as you are. IAN: And Kublai Khan? Is he in your way too? TEGANA: I serve Noghai. And with that, he will rule the world. (TEGANA indicates the TARDIS.) IAN: Only the Doctor can make that work. TEGANA: Noghai's sorcerers will reveal its secrets. Now, enough of this game. (TEGANA extends his sword, just as LING-TAU and a group of warriors burst into the clearing.) LING-TAU: Disarm them! (The warriors quickly move through the party, confiscating IAN's dagger and TEGANA's sword. KUIJU suddenly makes a run for freedom...) LING-TAU: Stop him! (One of the warriors quickly intercepts KUIJU, and delivers the bandit a fatal blow with a sword. Kuiju cries out in agony...) LING-TAU: (To the warrior.) You fool! I did not command his death. TEGANA: (To LING-TAU.) My name is Tegana - the Warlord. Get rid of these men. (TEGANA indicates the warriors surrounding him.) LING-TAU: I am Ling-Tau, captain and courier in the great Khan's service. (TEGANA indicates IAN, PING-CHO, and the TARDIS.) TEGANA: They were trying to steal the Khan's property. IAN: That's not true. (LING-TAU looks uncertainly at IAN and PING-CHO...) LING-TAU: I remember both of you. You were with Messr Marco Polo's caravan. PING-CHO: (Pointing to TEGANA.) He is the thief - we caught him with that. LING-TAU: Pardon me, my lady. I have not the authority to judge in this dispute. It's a matter for the great Khan. TEGANA: Then take us to Shang-Tu. LING-TAU: The great Khan has left the summer palace at Shang-Tu, my Lord. You will see him in Peking. [SCENE_BREAK] 2. PEKING PALACE - THRONE ROOM (Marco POLO's party has arrived at Kublai KHAN's Peking palace. In the throne room of the palace, the DOCTOR and Kublai KHAN are playing backgammon. Kublai shakes his head in amazement as the DOCTOR wins yet again...) DOCTOR: My game? THE KHAN: You're too good for us at backgammon. (The DOCTOR chuckles.) THE KHAN: Tea? DOCTOR: Please. (The KHAN rings a small bell. One of the servants strides forward to serve the KHAN and the DOCTOR.) . THE KHAN: (Noticing the DOCTOR has kept notes.) Oh, that is our reckoning? DOCTOR: Ah, yes it is, sire, yes. THE KHAN: What do we owe? DOCTOR: (Placing on his spectacles.) Oh, thirty-five elephants with ceremonial bridles, trappings, brocades and pavilions; four thousand white stallions, and twenty-five tigers. THE KHAN: That's not too bad, so far. DOCTOR: And the sacred tooth of Buddha which Polo brought over from India. THE KHAN: Oh, that? What else... what more? DOCTOR: I... I'm very much afraid all the commerce from Burma for one year, sire. (Suddenly, there are the sounds of someone approaching. The KHAN becomes terrified, as he realises that the DOCTOR's notes are still on the table.) THE KHAN: Oh, the Empress - hide it, hide it! (The DOCTOR quickly pockets the notes, as the EMPRESS makes a grand entrance into the room.) EMPRESS: Winning, my love? THE KHAN: (Smiling broadly.) One wins, one loses, my dear. DOCTOR: The great Khan is far too modest, my lady. EMPRESS: (Suspiciously.) You're not wagering are you? You know how it affects your gout. (Kublai KHAN merely smiles, unable to respond. With a haughty look, the EMPRESS strides from the room. Kublai Khan winces as another stab of pain passes through his body.) DOCTOR: How charming! THE KHAN: Charming indeed, and yet there are moments, old friend, when we wish... our character were more like that of our lamented grandfather, Genghis. Did you hear of him? DOCTOR: Genghis Khan? No, I didn't meet him, I... but I have heard of him. Yes. THE KHAN: Oh... he was the warrior of the family. Nothing frightened him. We are the clan of the statistician and the administrator... (Kublai's attention turns back to the backgammon game...) THE KHAN: Oh, she will be furious with me when she finds out what I have lost. DOCTOR: Oh, then you've lost nothing, sire. THE KHAN: No, no, no. These are bets of honour. DOCTOR: Well, one more game then, and if you win, you can take it all back again. THE KHAN: And if you win? DOCTOR: Well... err... Marco Polo has taken away my caravan and given it to you, sire. Ah... if I win, perhaps I could have my caravan back again? THE KHAN: No, not that. No, take something else. The Island of Sumatra - we can't give you Marco's gift. We haven't even seen it yet. DOCTOR: But none of this is important to me, sire. You see, win or lose, you can have it all back again. But if I win, my ship... TARDIS comes back to me, hmm? THE KHAN: (Impatient to return to the game) Let's play at that stake. (Just as they are about to start another game, there is a knock at the door.) THE KHAN: Oh, go away! POLO: (From outside the room.) It's Marco Polo, my Lord. THE KHAN: (To the DOCTOR.) Oh, Marco Polo. Well, would you object to one interruption? DOCTOR: No, no, no. THE KHAN: Enter. (Marco POLO strides into the room, holding a scrolled parchment.) THE KHAN: We are too busy for that, Marco. Be brief please. Be brief. POLO: As my lord commands. The Warlord Tegana has arrived in Peking. When he reaches the palace, shall I bring him directly to you? THE KHAN: No. No, we'll grant him an audience as soon as possible. Oh, we want to tell you something Marco. We owe half of Asia to our friend at backgammon. POLO: It is unusual for you to lose, my Lord. THE KHAN: Oh... he is a fortunate one! But our friend here made a truly royal gesture which we have accepted, although it might upset you. POLO: Why should it do that? THE KHAN: (Indicating the backgammon board.) That's our last game. Our losses against your gift to me. POLO: (Aghast.) The caravan? DOCTOR: Ah yes, Marco, we're playing for the TARDIS... POLO: But my Lord... THE KHAN: Well? POLO: (Solemnly.) Nothing, my Lord. I will leave you to your game. (The DOCTOR chuckles as POLO leaves the room dejectedly. The final game of backgammon commences... both the DOCTOR and the KHAN reach for the dice.) DOCTOR: My throw! THE KHAN: But... yes, your throw. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. PEKING PALACE - OUTSIDE THE THRONE ROOM (Outside the throne room, POLO meets up with BARBARA and SUSAN.) POLO: You will not believe this, but I swear it's true. They're playing backgammon for your caravan. BARBARA & SUSAN: What! POLO: If the Doctor wins, he has won back "TARDIS". BARBARA: And if he loses? POLO: He's lost everything. SUSAN: Oh, Grandfather will win. I hope... POLO: The sly old fox - the Khan hasn't even seen it yet, and he's taking it away from me. BARBARA: Then, this will solve everything. You've made your gesture and given the TARDIS to the Khan, so he should let you go home. And with any luck, we can go home too. So we'll all have what we want. SUSAN: Yes, all except Ping-Cho. POLO: Yes, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about her, Susan. Her future husband is already in Peking. SUSAN: What in the palace? POLO: Yes, there is to be a banquet tonight in his honour, at which six thousand guests will attend. SUSAN: Six thousand! POLO: He's a very important man. BARBARA: He must be! When is the wedding? POLO: Tomorrow morning. SUSAN: Poor Ping-Cho... (At that moment, LING-TAU strides into the room.) LING-TAU: My lord, Polo. POLO: Yes? (POLO peers closely at LING-TAU.) POLO: Oh, you're the courier who brought me the message from Shang-Tu, aren't you? LING-TAU: I am my Lord. POLO: It's a pleasure to see you again. LING-TAU: No my Lord, I fear not. POLO: Why? What is wrong? LING-TAU: Two members of your party, the lord known as Ian, and the lady, Ping-Cho, are being held under guard. POLO: Why? LING-TAU: They're accused of stealing the Khan's property. BARBARA: The TARDIS. (LING-TAU nods.) POLO: Well, who accuses them? BARBARA: Tegana! LING-TAU: Yes, my lady. BARBARA: That man! SUSAN: Wait! But Grandfather's going to win back the TARDIS, so no charges can be brought. POLO: Susan, you don't take your prize until you win the game. (At that moment, the DOCTOR strolls into the room, with a weary expression on his face.) SUSAN: Grandfather! (The DOCTOR remains silent, continuing to keep the pained expression on his face.) SUSAN: Grandfather, you've not lost? DOCTOR: (Waving a paper note.) He gave me this - the consolation prize. A piece of his paper currency. (The DOCTOR chuckles wryly as he waves the money about.) SUSAN: Oh, grandfather! (The DOCTOR continues to chuckle.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. PEKING PALACE - PRISON CELL (POLO and LING-TAU are talking to IAN and PING-CHO in the prison cell. POLO has just heard the full version of events from IAN's point of view.) POLO: You have told me all? IAN: Everything from the moment I found Ping-Cho. POLO: And you distinctly heard Tegana say that the Khan was his enemy? IAN: Yes, Tegana said 'I serve Noghai, and he will conquer the world.' Ping-Cho heard it as well. PING-CHO: Distinctly, Messr Marco. POLO: (Turning to Ling-Tau.) Ling-Tau, did you hear this? LING-TAU: No, my lord. I did not. POLO: That's a pity. IAN: You mean our word isn't strong enough against Tegana's? PING-CHO: There are two of us, Messr Marco. POLO: No, Ping-Cho. Ian must stand trial alone. PING-CHO: Why? POLO: Your husband-to-be has asked the Khan to excuse you. He promises to take you away from Peking as soon as the marriage ceremony is over. PING-CHO: And the Khan has agreed? POLO: You are to be married tomorrow morning. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. PEKING PALACE - THE THRONE ROOM (The TARDIS has been brought into the throne room. Kublai KHAN and TEGANA are inspecting it.) THE KHAN: So this is our flying caravan! Thank you for recovering it for us, Lord Tegana. TEGANA: Good fortune gave me the opportunity of serving the great Khan. THE KHAN: The lady Ping-Cho has been excused of complicity in the theft. TEGANA: The Khan shows much wisdom and compassion. What crimes she committed were done under the influence of others. THE KHAN: Crimes! Who else was there? TEGANA: The old magician, my lord, tried several times to regain the caravan. THE KHAN: (Surprised.) Were there other attempts to steal it? Marco did not mention them to us. TEGANA: Is that not natural, my lord, that he would wish to guard them? THE KHAN: You have served us well. TEGANA: In dealings with Mongols, like ourselves, yes my lord, but he is as they are. And does not one's loyalty first lie with one's own kind? THE KHAN: Your point is taken, Lord Tegana. (POLO enters the throne room.) THE KHAN: Marco, thank you for our gift. POLO: I am the Khan's obedient servant. THE KHAN: We are glad to know. But then, there were other attempts to steal the caravan? Why did you not invoke our laws? POLO: To have done so would have been unjust, my lord. Our laws are alien to them. THE KHAN: They were on our soil, therefore, subject to our laws. Why did you not invoke them? POLO: The caravan belonged to them, my lord. TEGANA: (Impatiently.) My lord, I can hold my peace no longer. Forgive me. (Turning to POLO.) How can that be? You claimed it in the Khan's name? POLO: It was wrong of me to do so. TEGANA: You wear the Khan's gold seal. It gives you your authority to take what you will. POLO: When the cause is just. This was not. THE KHAN: What was it then? POLO: Selfish. THE KHAN: What did you hope to gain? TEGANA: He wanted to force you to let him return to Venice. THE KHAN: (Shocked) You wanted to bribe us, Marco? POLO: I'd hoped you would allow me to return home, my lord. THE KHAN: Your gift has failed. It is ours because we won the right to keep it in a game of chance. Where is the key? POLO: In my quarters, my lord. THE KHAN: Bring it to us after the banquet, and then, we'll examine our prize. POLO: (Sadly.) My lord, you do me a great wrong. THE KHAN: We are distressed and angered by your conduct, Marco. Please think about it. (POLO dejectedly leaves the throne room.) THE KHAN: You'll also attend us after the banquet, Lord Tegana. We'll discuss the terms of our settlement with Noghai. But we... be on guard against you. TEGANA: (Surprised.) What have I that the Khan should fear? THE KHAN: The power of persuasion. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. PEKING PALACE - THE THRONE ROOM (LATER THAT EVENING) (Later in the throne room, Kublai KHAN is with the EMPRESS. The EMPRESS is crying, and wiping her eyes with a silk handkerchief.) THE KHAN: And in the middle of the feast! How shall we tell her? Terrible! Horrible! Terrible and horrible! Horrible and terrible! (PING-CHO enters the room. The Khan immediately takes her hand kindly.) THE KHAN: Oh, here you are, my child. Come, we have something to tell you. A tragedy has occurred at the table tonight. PING-CHO: Tragedy, my lord? THE KHAN: Your beloved husband-to-be so anxious to be worthy of your love, drank a potion of quicksilver and sulphur - the elixir of life and eternal youth - and expired. EMPRESS: (In tears.) Come into my arms, child. Let me share your grief. THE KHAN: You're overdoing it, my dear, the child is dry eyed. EMPRESS: (Outraged.) Oh, ungrateful wretch! Do you not weep for your lost love? PING-CHO: My lady, I grieve an old man's death as all would do. But how can I weep for a love I have never known? THE KHAN: Tell us Ping-Cho, do you wish to return to your home in Samarkand? Or would you like to stay a while in our Court and brighten all our days? (At that moment, POLO and LING-TAU enter the throne room. PING-CHO looks at LING-TAU with a look of wonder in her face and then turns back towards the KHAN.) PING-CHO: If I may, my lord, I would like to stay. THE KHAN: So be it. (The KHAN notices POLO for the first time.) THE KHAN: Wait, Marco. (Turning back to PING-CHO.) Tell us, my child, your opinion of the travellers from a distant land? PING-CHO: They are my friends, my lord. As they will always be. THE KHAN: Thank you, Ping-Cho. (To POLO.) Wait, Marco. Let that young officer escort lady Ping-Cho to her quarters. (It seems that the KHAN had got the look. LING-TAU nods, and escorts PING-CHO back to her quarters. The EMPRESS leaves as well. KHAN is left alone with POLO.) THE KHAN: She is forthright and honest. We trust her, as we once did you. Our mind dwells upon your conduct, Marco, and we've decided that you have to prove yourself worthy of our trust. If you fail this to do, we take from you our patronage, banish you from our Court, and let your enemies fall upon you. You have the key of the caravan? POLO: Yes, my lord. But you would be well advised to have the Doctor with you when you open it. THE KHAN: Fetch him, Marco, fetch him. No, wait! Not until our audience with the Lord Tegana is concluded. (POLO bows, and walks off. He meets TEGANA on the way out.) POLO: I underestimated you, Tegana. TEGANA: No... you overestimated yourself. (POLO and TEGANA glare silently at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. PEKING PALACE - PRISON CELL (In the prison cell, IAN is talking with the DOCTOR, BARBARA and SUSAN.) SUSAN: The Khan won't even see us. DOCTOR: (Grumpily.) No, we've tried everything. BARBARA: What's Tegana's game? IAN: Well, we can be quite clear about that. Tegana said "I serve Noghai, and he will conquer the world", with the help of the TARDIS. DOCTOR: I always knew Tegana was a two-faced villain. SUSAN: Yes, well that doesn't help Ian, does it? He's got to take the blame. BARBARA: I wish I could remember what it was the Khan said that upset Marco so much. IAN: What's it matter now? BARBARA: Well, it was something about Noghai and Tegana. SUSAN: I'm sure Tegana was behind that bandit raid. But why? DOCTOR: It wasn't just my ship then. Whatever double-game Tegana is playing, he must have decided upon it a long time before we appeared on the scene. BARBARA: I remember! DOCTOR: Hmmm? BARBARA: The Khan was furious because Noghai had moved his armies from Samarkand to Karakorum. DOCTOR: And that's why he delayed Marco Polo's caravan - to give Noghai more time to move his armies nearer Peking. IAN: Yes, that makes sense. Even so, why should Kublai Khan fear Noghai? He has an enormous army, and he's already defeated him once, surely. DOCTOR: Yes, but what you have to take into account where battles are concerned, dear boy, are its leaders. Kill the leader, and where are you? What happens? The whole army dissipates itself into chaos and utter confusion. It's happened throughout your history time and time again! SUSAN: Grandfather, do you mean to say Tegana's going to assassinate the Khan? DOCTOR: Exactly, and what could be a better answer then to disorganise everything here. It gives Noghai the perfect answer to overrun the country. BARBARA: But then, we must get to the Khan before Tegana kills him, otherwise... IAN: I've had it. DOCTOR: Yes - we've all had it. SUSAN: Look, how are we going to get Ian past the guard? (The DOCTOR rubs his chin in thought, and then moves towards the door. He rattles the door.) DOCTOR: Guard! Open the door. (The guard opens the door, and enters the room. Suddenly, the DOCTOR trips the guard with his walking stick. While the guard stumbles to the floor, the DOCTOR and his companions quickly race from the room. The guard jumps to his feet and pursues them. A short distance from the cell, the four time travellers arrive at a junction in the corridor.) SUSAN: Which way? IAN: (Pointing.) Let's try down here. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. PEKING PALACE - THE CORRIDORS (The chase continues through the corridors of the Palace. But eventually, the luck runs out for the Doctor and his companions. They run into Marco POLO and a guard.) IAN: Marco... POLO: Ian, what are you doing, you fool? IAN: Marco, you must stop Tegana! He's going to kill the Khan! POLO: (Pointing to IAN.) Seize him! (The guard grabs IAN.) IAN: Marco, listen to me, Tegana... POLO: (To the guard.) Take him back to his cell, and keep him under close surveillance. SUSAN: But Messr Marco, you must... (But before the guard can move, LING-TAU rushes into the area.) LING-TAU: My lord! POLO: What is it? LING-TAU: A messenger has just arrived. Noghai's army is marching on Peking. (Everyone is shocked. In particular, the DOCTOR and his companions deliver cries of 'we told you so' to POLO.) POLO: Tegana's in the throne room with the Khan now. DOCTOR: Well, then, look, somebody must protect him! POLO: (Indicating the scrolled parchment.) Hold that, Doctor, and stay here, all of you. (POLO sprints to the throne room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. PEKING PALACE - THE THRONE ROOM (In the throne room, Kublai Khan and Noghai are discussing the terms of peace.) TEGANA: Your terms of peace are hard, my lord. THE KHAN: Tegana, those who rise against us must be humbled. TEGANA: They shall be honoured. I promised Noghai to make an end of this matter. (Suddenly, TEGANA draws his sword. An attendant immediately rushes forward to protect the KHAN, but is swiftly killed by TEGANA. TEGANA approaches the Khan...) POLO: Tegana! (At that moment, POLO bursts into the room, drawing his own sword. A frenetic fight occurs between POLO and TEGANA. The sword fight moves throughout the throne room. Slowly, POLO gains the upper hand... TEGANA is forced into a corner... Eventually, POLO manages to knock the sword from TEGANA's hand. POLO quickly picks it up as LING-TAU and the other warriors rush into the room, and surround TEGANA. A few moments later, the DOCTOR and his companions walk into the room, chattering amongst themselves.) THE KHAN: (Triumphantly.) We warned you, Tegana, those who rise against us will be humbled. You must die. (The warriors draw their swords and approach TEGANA. But before the warriors have their chance, TEGANA grabs a sword and impales himself. SUSAN screams. The dishonourable member of the expedition has taken the honourable way out... POLO turns to one of the guards, and indicates TEGANA's body.) POLO: Take him away. (The guards immediately obey POLO's instruction. POLO quickly hands the two TARDIS keys to the Doctor.) POLO: Doctor, take the keys quickly! DOCTOR: Thank you. POLO: Now go! DOCTOR: Thank you. POLO: Go! DOCTOR: (To SUSAN.) Come along... (The DOCTOR's group rush into the TARDIS. Susan hurriedly says her goodbyes to PING-CHO...) PING-CHO: Susan, goodbye. SUSAN: Ping-Cho... PING-CHO: Your caravan, quickly! SUSAN: Goodbye! [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INTERIOR - TARDIS (In the TARDIS console room, IAN and BARBARA watch as the DOCTOR sets the co-ordinates. As soon as SUSAN enters, the doors are closed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. PEKING PALACE - THE THRONE ROOM (The TARDIS dematerialises from the throne room. Kublai KHAN watches with POLO and PING-CHO as the caravan disappears.) POLO: I'm sorry, my lord. I had to give them back their flying caravan. THE KHAN: If you hadn't, the old man would have won it at backgammon. And it is true... a flying caravan... there's something for you to tell your friends in Venice. POLO: (Shaking his head.) No, my lord. They would not believe half the things that I have seen in Cathay. (POLO pauses to reflect on the DOCTOR and his group.) POLO: But what is the truth? I wonder where they are now... the past or the future... (POLO stares thoughtfully into the sky...)

Missing episode Arriving in Central Asia in 1289, the Doctor and his companions join the caravan of the famous Venetian explorer Marco Polo as it makes its way from the snowy heights of the Pamir Plateau, across the treacherous Gobi Desert and through the heart of imperial Cathay. Having witnessed many incredible sights and survived a variety of dangers, they arrive at the mighty Kublai Khan's Summer Palace in Shang-tu, where the Doctor strikes up an extraordinary friendship with the now-aged ruler. They move on at last to the even more sumptuous Imperial Palace in Peking, where the travellers save the Khan from an assassination attempt by the Mongol warlord Tegana - supposedly on a peace mission - before departing once more in the TARDIS.

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[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.] Monica: Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it. Joey: Oh, yeah, good idea. (Ross returns.) Chandler: Hey man, what's up? Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.) Joey: Ooh, Ross, look! Look! (Points behind Ross.) Ross: (turning and looking) What? Where? Joey: Right over there! Right there! Look-look-look! Ross: What am I looking at? Joey: (to the rest of the gang) Somebody help me out here! Phoebe: (entering, with Gary) Hey! Gary: Hello! Monica: Hey! Gary: How are you? Phoebe: Monica, I'm sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes. Joey: You got to go on a ride along?! Phoebe: Uh-huh! Joey: I want to go on a ride along! Ross: Me too! Gary: Okay! Chandler: Yeah, yeah! Me too! Gary: Really?! You? Chandler: Yeah. Gary: Well, it's kinda dangerous. Chandler: Well, I like danger. Gary: Okay, you guys free tonight? Joey and Ross: Yeah!! Chandler: Tonight? You-you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is kneeling at the coffee table and has a bunch of pictures laid out in front of her as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hey! Monica: Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you're home, I thought tonight we could finally organize these photos! Rachel: Ohh, thank God! Finally! Monica: Okay, I've broken them down into categories. Okay, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candids, y'know... And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, oh let's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See? (Hands her the photo.) Rachel: Ohh, it's me and La Poo! Wow! I miss that dog. Monica: You can also find him under umm, dog and dead. Rachel: Great! Thanks! Monica: All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one. Rachel: Okay. (She picks up the box and the bottom falls out, spilling all of the pictures onto Monica's neat little piles.) Rachel: Oops. Sorry! Well, good thing you number all of them, huh? Monica: I hadn't! Photo 152 was a prototype. Rachel: Ohhhh. Honey, honey, honey, it's okay, it's okay honey. I'm gonna fix you a drink, huh? Maybe a margarita? Ross: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart! Rachel: No honey, it's okay! Listen, I'll got to Ross's and get the blender, you get all the margarita stuff ready. Monica: All right, he's keys are in the drawer. Y'know what? I also need some cash. Rachel: Okay, you want me to stop at the ATM? Monica: Nah, while you're at Ross's if you see any lying around... Rachel: What?! Monica: What?! I-I-I don't, I don't do that! (Rachel slowly leaves the apartment.) [Scene: Gary's cop car, Ross is in the front seat with Gary of course. Chandler is in the back seat.] Ross: (to Gary) That was so cool man, the way you leaned on that guy. Chandler: It is starting to get dark out there. Ross: (to Gary) He told you everything! I mean you totally cracked him! Gary: Yeah well, being that he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative. Chandler: (laughing) Okay. (Deadpan) But it is officially nighttime. (Gary reaches up to grab that little light that cops have for unmarked cop cars.) Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya? Gary: It's called the cherry. Ross: It's the-Chandler!! (Chandler starts laughing at his joke.) Joey: (returning from a deli) Okay, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world! Gary: Hey Joe does it have meatballs on it? Joey: Oh-ho, yeah! Gary: Does it have melted cheese and marinara sauce? Joey: Yep! Gary: Yeah, you can't eat that in my car. Joey: (dejected) Yeah okay. (To Chandler) Even though my tax dollars paid for this car. Chandler: Your tax dollars? Joey: Yeah, okay. [Time lapse, they're still on the ride along and Joey is just sniffing his sandwich.] Chandler: (leans in and takes a sniff of Joey's sandwich) Wow! That sandwich really does smell good. Joey: Did I say you could smell it?! Chandler: I can't smell your sandwich? Joey: Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the tastiness! Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back. (Exhales strongly through his nose and Joey just glares at him.) Look! What is so great about that sandwich? Joey: Okay, imagine the best s*x you've ever had. Chandler: Okay. Joey: Are you thinking about Monica? Chandler: Yeah. Joey: Yeah, what's that like? [Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is just entering. She takes off her coat and heads for the kitchen. As she does, she knocks something off of a bookcase next to the kitchen door with her coat and it breaks.] Rachel: Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! (She picks up the 2 pieces and looks at the stand.) Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?! (Looks for a place to hide it and finds a wall sconce and drops the pieces into it and heads into the kitchen as the phone rings.) Monica: (on the answering machine) Rach! It's me! Pick up! (Rachel runs over and answers the phone with the blender in hand.) Rachel: Hey! What's up?! Monica: I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila. Rachel: So all we have is ice? Monica: See if he has ice. Rachel: Okay. (She hangs up the phone and starts to head back to the kitchen and notices some money lying out, stops, reaches down to pick it up, the phone rings causing her to drop it, she quickly puts it back, and heads for the kitchen.) Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye. Rachel: Oh. Oh! (Takes a slug of tequila.) [Scene: The ride along.] Ross: So where are we going next? Gary: This witness won't return my calls so we're gonna see if we can surprise him coming home. Chandler: Sur-surprise him? We're not, we're not gonna make anybody mad are we? Joey: Come on man! (To Gary) Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up? Gary: It's a witness not a perp. And no one talks like that! Ross: Yeah, no one talks like that! Joey: Oh what? Like your Mr. Cop! Ross: Hey, I'm more cop than you two! Chandler: How do you figure that? Ross: Hello! I'm in the front seat, okay? I'm Gary's partner! Chandler: Y'know, when you say partner it doesn't sound cop. It, it sounds gay. Ross: Umm, jealous! (He drops the cherry and it turns on.) Gary: Hey, do you mind? We're under cover here. Ross: Yeah, no problem. (Tries to turn it off.) Gary: Ross! Ross: Sorry! Sorry! Oh, (He sticks it under his shirt) there! (It's just there flashing through his shirt) Hey Gary, who am I? Phone home! (Gary just glares at him.) [Time lapse, Ross has been demoted to the back seat with Joey and Chandler. He's not too happy about it.] Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors. Joey: Yeah, what's up with that Serpico? [Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is playing Emily's message to Monica.] Emily: (on answering machine) Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye. Monica: (does Rachel's) Nooo! Rachel: (does Monica's) I know! Monica: Well thank God you were here! I mean, we have to erase that! Rachel: What?! We can't do that! Monica: We have too! I mean what if Ross's hears that and then calls her back and then they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you? Rachel: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He should not get back together with her. I know that! You know that! Even Ross knows that! But that still doesn't give us the right to erase his message! Monica: I'm his sister, okay? I love him! I don't want to see him get hurt! Come on! Doesn't that give me the right to control him-help him? Rachel: I don't think he's the one who needs help. (They both sit down.) Monica: No, look, she's obviously unstable, okay? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. (Rachel slowly turns and glares at her.) (Realizing what she just said.) Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! (Rachel again turns and glares at her in disgust.) Okay, fine, all right, but that's y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people. Rachel: Ugh! Monica: Y'know what, this is obviously some kind of twisted joke she's trying to play on him. Rachel: Okay, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded generally upset! I mean, listen! (She hits a button on the machine.) Answering Machine: You're messages have been erased. Rachel: Noooooooo! [Scene: The ride along, they're all waiting outside of the witness's house and still in the car in the same places as before.] Chandler: Okay, y'know, we-we're safe right? I mean nothing bad can go down! Gary: No. But that reminds me, (handing back a clipboard) sign this. Ross: What is it? Gary: Oh it's nothing, it just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or y'know, get your head blown off. Chandler: (deadpan) Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that. Gary: Okay, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?! Ross: What? What? What? What is it? Joey: Is everything okay? Chandler: What's going on? Gary: Okay, he sees us. Now don't move. Don't look at him. (They all turn and look away. Suddenly a loud bang sounds out and in slow motion Joey slowly throws his body over Ross. Gary is shocked at what he sees while Chandler is obviously hurt.) Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. (Joey slowly moves off of Ross.) Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did? Joey: (To Ross) You okay man? Ross: Uh-huh. Thank Joey! Chandler: Uh, HELLO!! Joey: Hi. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Ross's apartment, Monica has all the supplies she needs and is getting ready to leave.] Monica: All right, I guess we should go. Rachel: No, wait. Wait. Monica: Oh yeah right! (She grabs the money and shoves into her pocket.) Rachel: No, Monica! Monica! We have to fix this! Monica: There's nothing we can do. You erased the message! Rachel: Yeah well unless we tell him. Monica: Well, if you're gonna be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you! All right? Fine, if you wanna tell him, tell him. I just don't want to be a part of it. (The phone rings.) Rachel: Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message. Ross: (on the machine) Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. Oh, and also get stamps. Bye! (He hangs up.) Monica: Wow! Play that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away! Rachel: Right? [Scene: Central Perk, the guys are returning from the ride along to find Phoebe already there.] Gary: Hey, anybody want to meet a hero? Phoebe: (excited) John Glenn is here?! Gary: No, Joey! Ross: Pheebs, we had the most incredible night! Okay, so, we're in the car... Gary: Wait! Hold on! (He goes over to Phoebe and gives her a kiss.) (To Phoebe) Hi! Phoebe: Hi! Gary: (To Ross) Okay, go ahead. Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me! Phoebe: My God, Joey! Chandler: (pouting) It was a car backfire! Ross: Yeah, but-but he didn't know that! Joey: Yeah, I didn't know that. Ross: And it could've just as easily have been a bullet. Gary: Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you. Chandler: Who jumps at loud noises! Ross: Wow! I could've died tonight. Chandler: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! Y'know what, I think I'll go home before Ross starts rambling about his newfound respect for life. (He gets up and starts for the door.) Ross: I do have a newfound respect for life. Chandler: (returning) Oh my God! (Storms out.) Gary: (To Phoebe) So you wanna get some dinner? Phoebe: Yeah! Sure! Yep! (Gets up) Oh, y'know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you. Gary: Oh yeah? Well maybe you and I should take a walk through a bad neighborhood. Phoebe: Okay! Gary: All right. Phoebe: Bye! Ross and Joey: Bye! (They leave as Ross stares in awe at Joey.) Joey: Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is pacing as Joey enters.] Joey: Dude! How come you took off? Chandler: Oh, I just went for a walk, around the living room. Whatever... Joey: Is something wrong? Chandler: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk. Joey: Okay. Chandler: You dove in front of Ross! Ross! Joey: That's what this is about! Oh my God, you hate Ross! Chandler: I do not hate Ross! Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture. Chandler: What picture? Joey: I don't know, but I don't like what I'm hearing! Chandler: Look I'm very glad that you saved Ross from the car backfire, but y'know, it could've been a bullet and you y'know, you didn't try to save me! Joey: Ohh, you're upset because you think I chose Ross over you! No! I...knew...you could take care of yourself. Y'know, I mean Ross, he need help. He's not street like us! Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line. Joey: Well, no, not exactly! All right, look, I, I wasn't trying to save Ross. Okay? My sandwich was next to Ross. All right? I was, I was trying to save my sandwich. Chandler: From a bullet! Joey: I know it doesn't make much sense... Chandler: Much sense?! Joey: Look Chandler, it was instinct! Okay? I just went for it! Chandler: So you risked your life, for a sandwich! Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world! Chandler: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me. Joey: No! I would never do that! You-you're like my brother! Chandler: Really?! Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, (He unwraps the sandwich and holds it out for Chandler) here. Chandler: Thanks. (He grabs the sandwich.) Joey: No, eh, oh-oi, easy, it's not a hot dog! (Chandler takes a bite.) Joey: How good is that? Chandler: (with his mouthful) Oh-oi-ho, yeah! Joey: See? Chandler: Hm-hmm. (Goes to take another bite.) Joey: Oh-whoa-hey, dude, what are you doing?! Chandler: I thought you were showing me how much you mean to me. Joey: Yeah. With a bite! (Takes back the sandwich.) Gee-e-e-eez! [Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel is trying to repair the thing she broke earlier, but gets interrupted by hearing Ross at the door. She panics and throws the thing into the kitchen. And runs to the couch as Ross enters.] Rachel: Hey! Hi! Ross: Rach, what uh, what are you doing here? Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Okay? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister! Ross: Y'know, it-it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you're here. You're my friend, and you're here. Oh! (He goes over and hugs her.) Rachel: Okay, just a little scared. What's going on Ross? Ross: The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience! Rachel: What?! What? What happened?! Ross: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right? Rachel: Yeah! Ross: And somebody took a shot at me! Rachel: (gasps) Really?! Ross: No, a car backfired, but (Rachel suddenly calms down) I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I...I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life. Y'know? I-I want to experience every moment. I want to seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everything so-so clearly now. Rachel: Because a car backfired? Ross: (stares at her briefly) Okay, why are you here? Rachel: Well, I-I-I don't know how this fits into your whole "seizing" thing but um, Emily called you today. Ross: You talked to her? Rachel: No, she left a message. (He starts for the machine.) (Stopping him.) But it-it kinda got erased. There's just (Pause) something wrong with your machine. Ross: Well, okay, what-what did she say? Rachel: Well, uh something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her. Ross: Wow! Rachel: Now, that-that was a good thing that I told you, right? Ross: Huh? Yeah! Yes, of course! Rachel: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! Because-I'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want me-not important. The point is, I was right. You're decision. Okay? I was right. (She starts for the door.) (Stops) You're decision. Ross: Right. I guess, I guess I should call Emily. Rachel: Okay, no, that's not the right decision. That's not, that's not right, no Ross-Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Okay, Ross, do you really want to get back into that? Ross: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something! Rachel: Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely an experience! Ross: You weren't there! Okay, maybe this is something that I-I'm supposed to seize! Y'know? Rachel: Okay, y'know what? Maybe, this is not about seizing stuff. Maybe this is about escaping stuff. Ross: Huh. Rachel: I mean, look-look today you escaped (Pause) (Not believing it) death, y'know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily? Ross: That does make sense. Because I do wanna seize some opportunity, but I-I really don't wanna see or talk to her. Rachel: Well, there you go! Ross: Yeah. Maybe today is just, close call day. Rachel: (laughing) Close call day. Ross: Hey, thanks Rach. (They hug.) Rachel: Ohh, honey no problem. Okay. (Gets up.) Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it. Rachel: Oh? (Ross hits the playback button.) Ross: (on machine) "Hey Ross, it's you!" (Hits the stop button) Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that. Rachel: No. (She heads for the door again.) Ross: (looking at the coffee table where his money was) Hey umm, was-was Monica here? Rachel: Yeah. Ross: Yeah, I want my money back. Rachel: (going out the door) Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right? (Ross is stunned.) Ending Credits [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] Ross: Hey Pheebs, has Gary ever been shot at for real? Phoebe: Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story. Ross: I wonder how I would react under fire, y'know? And not backfire but-but heavy fire, like I was in a war or something. Monica: Man, I would be great in a war! I mean, I really, I think I would make a fantastic military leader. I mean I know I would make General way before any of you guys. Chandler: Before or after you were shot by your own troops? Ross: I know where Joey would be. He would be down in the foxhole protecting all of us. Chandler: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches. Joey: Yeah, hero sandwiches. (Points at Ross who points back.) Phoebe: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war in any way. (Gets up) But y'know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all. (Starts to leave.) (To Joey) Not you Joey. (Joey gets all happy with himself, while the rest of the gang is less than enthused.)

Ross, Joey, and Chandler go on a ride-along with Phoebe's cop boyfriend, Gary. Believing there are gunshots (which is a car backfiring), Joey attempts to protect his meatball sandwich, though Ross believes he was trying to save him. Chandler then thinks Joey cares more about Ross than him. Meanwhile, while borrowing margarita ingredients from Ross' apartment, Rachel overhears Emily leaving a message saying she is having doubts about going through with her wedding and wants Ross to consider them getting back together. When Rachel accidentally deletes the message, she agonises over telling Ross.

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[Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Alaric is on an MRI. Meredith and Elena are in the other side looking at the results) Elena: What are you looking for? Meredith: I don't know. A tumor, vascular anomalies. Anything physical that might explain his behavior. If it's medical, I can treat it Elena: And if it's not? Meredith: Well... Then we'll deal with that, too Elena: When did you suspect him? That it was Alaric who was killing all of those people? Meredith: It was after he told me about his ring. I remembered a story my grandmother had told me about Samantha Gilbert and her secret journal. I don't know if you know this, but we Fells are notorious busybodies Elena: Then why did you protect him? Meredith: Because I'm a doctor. I don't like to see someone hurt by something they have no control over. And, because when he and I first met, I felt like, I don't know, I... I just kind of want to help him (Alaric is in the MRI. He's looking at himself in the mirror above him. His reflection is different, has an evil look. He moves but his reflection doesn't. He freaks out and pushes the button) Alaric: No! Meredith! Meredith... Meredith: Everything all right in there? (He looks at his reflection and calms himself) Alaric: Yeah. Yeah, everything's OK (Alaric and Elena are in his room) Elena: Well, everything is normal Alaric: Because there is nothing wrong with me. I didn't kill Brian Walters, I didn't kill bill Forbes, and I sure as hell didn't shove a hunting knife into my stomach. Or I did, and I've gone insane, just like your ancestor, who... Wore that ring (He looks at the ring, laying on the piece of furniture) Elena: Look, I'm going to call Bonnie. The rings were made by a Bennett witch. Maybe a witch can reverse the damage Alaric: Take it. I don't want it anymore (She takes the ring. Damon enters) Damon: Ready to ditch this house of horrors? Oof. You look terrible Alaric: Yeah. Let me... let me check out of here (He leaves. She looks at Damon and leaves too) (Elena and Alaric are in the parking lot) Damon: Don't worry about him. We'll take him out for chicken soup, we'll get him a Martini, make sure he doesn't kill anybody Elena: What is wrong with you? How could you just go out feeding with Stefan like some vampire pub crawl? Damon: Oh, right. I thought we were talking about Alaric, but of course we're talking about Stefan Elena: You stood there and let him feed on an innocent girl! Damon: I didn't let him do anything. If you want to get nit-picky about it, I made him Elena: Why would you do that? Damon: Because we're vampires, Elena. We need human blood to survive. We're predators, not puppies Elena: Well, Stefan found a way around it before Damon: Stefan has built himself a delusional wagon which he has repeatedly fallen off of. What he needs to learn is control Elena: He was able to manage it when he was drinking my blood. Small amounts every single day Damon: Ah, yes. Back when you two were in love and it was all rainbows and unicorns Elena: I'm just saying. Maybe you're not the right person to be teaching Stefan about self control (She looks at him and gets in her car) [Abby's House] (Caroline arrives with an icebox. She rejoins Bonnie) Caroline: Hey! Bonnie: Hey Caroline: I totally lucked out. The hospital just had a blood drive, so, I got some... O negatives, some a's, and, my personal favorite, b positive (Abby is in her garden. Bonnie and Caroline look at her) Bonnie: Yeah. I made her a daylight ring. She's just been standing out there all morning. I don't think she's taking this very well Caroline: Well, it's only been a few days since she turned. Your mom's still adjusting (She looks at Abby) Caroline: Miss Wilson? Why don't you come inside? You know, have something to drink Abby: I can't feel it anymore. My garden. It's gone. I can't feel anything (She goes inside) Caroline: I don't understand Bonnie: Witches have a connection to the earth. We can literally feel nature. Life (She crouches and looks at a flower. She maks it blossom with her powers and smiles) Bonnie: When Abby became a vampire, she lost it. I don't know how to help her [Wickery Bridge] (The bridge is being restored. Everyone is gathered. Rebekah is talking with the mayor. Damon, Meredith and Alaric arrive. Damon looks at Rebekah) Damon: Rebekah's up to something. She's been snooping around in places she shouldn't be Alaric: Tell me again, why are we here? Damon: Ric, the world can't stop just because you're an accidental psycho killer Meredith: Do you have any tact whatsoever? (Carol rejoins them) Carol: Alaric! I'm glad you're here. Did you bring the sign? The restored wickery bridge sign. The history department promised me you would have it today Alaric: No, I don't have the sign, actually. It slipped... slipped my mind. I've been... Busy Carol: Well, it's not an emergency. We'll just, um, unveil it when the bridge is complete (She leaves) Alaric: Get me out of here Meredith: My pleasure (Damon sees Sage through the crowd and looks at her. She smiles) Damon: I'm going to stick around for a bit Alaric: Who is that? Damon: Blast from the past (Carol begins her speech) Carol: ... construction has begun replacing the original wooden support structure to meet modern safety standards. And, our beautification phase will begin in the spring (Damon rejoins Sage) Sage: Damon Salvatore. My favorite student Damon: Sage, my hottest teacher. What are you doing here? Sage: I'm just passing through Damon: Oh, come on. No one just passes through Mystic Falls (Rebekah rejoins them) Rebekah: Look what the cat dragged in Damon: Easy there, Rebekah. You know, she used to beat men for sport Rebekah: She always was quite common Sage: Rebekah. What a happy surprise Rebekah: What are you doing here, Sage? Sage: Well, I heard Finn was finally freed from that casket your rageaholic brother Klaus carted him around in Rebekah: Oh, Finn. You just missed him. He left town and didn't tell us where he was going Sage: Oh. He probably went looking for me Rebekah: Or, quite possibly, he forgot all about you Sage: I doubt that Rebekah: Oh? Because he didn't seem to mention you. Sorry you came all this way for nothing. Have a nice life (She leaves) Sage: God, I hate that ugly elitist original bitch [Salvatore's House] (Elena is leaving the house, a book in her hands but she sees Stefan in the living room. He's about to pours himself a glass from a blood bag) Elena: Hi Stefan: Hey Elena: I'm sorry. Damon told Alaric that there was no one home. Otherwise i would have... Stefan: I just got home Elena: I just came by to pick up this book that you found on my ancestor Samantha Stefan: That's fine Elena: Uh, how are you doing? Damon said that you were... Stefan: yeah, I'm, uh, I'm OK. Did you get everything you need? Elena: Yeah. Well, if there's anything I can do to help... Stefan: You don't have to read that, you know. I can just tell you what happened. Samantha Gilbert was committed to an insane asylum. She tried to give herself a lobotomy with a knitting needle. And bled to death on the floor of her cell. If the same thing is happening to Alaric, then there's... Nothing you can do (She seems angry) Elena: OK, well... I'm going to let you get back to, uh, whatever it was you were doing (Shea leaves) [Wickery Bridge] (Damon and Sage are talking in the woods by Wickery Bridge) Damon: Finn? Really? Sage: He's my one true love. He turned me so we could be together forever. Then Klaus daggered him and locked him away and I've been waiting ever since. Please don't tell me that you and Rebekah are friends Damon: Ah, not unless you count the hate s*x Sage: Good. 'Cause her and Klaus always treated me like some peasant whore Damon: Ah, she's just lurking around because she wants something from me. I can't figure out what it is, though Sage: Why don't you get inside her head and find it? Damon: Because it's impossible. She's too strong Sage: I bet I can get in there Damon: Sage, she's an original. It's not going to happen Sage: Have you forgotten everything I taught you? Rebekah may be an original, but she's a girl. You find her weakness and exploit it, and I'll walk right in. That is, if you want my help (Damon rejoins Rebekah, getting closer to her) Damon: Anyone ever tell you you're sexy when you're bitchy? Rebekah: We're talking now, are we? Because you were quite rude the other day. Using me to help you with Stefan, and then shooing me away like a stray dog Damon: Ah, that was brother business. You can't hold that against me. Besides, I really did appreciate your help. Even if I didn't show it Rebekah: You were mean Damon: You like mean Rebekah: No. I don't Damon: No? You didn't get a thrill back there pushing Sage down, crushing her dreams of true love? Rebekah: Maybe a little Damon: See? Mean. Can Sage and I interest you in a drink back at the house? Rebekah: Not a chance in hell Damon: You know what they say. Two's company. Three is a party. OK. Enjoy the rest of your day [Abby's House] (Caroline rejoins Jamie. He's chopping wood with an ax) Caroline: Haven't seen you up at the house. Abby's been asking for you Jamie: I've been pretty busy (She moves to get something but he freaks out) Jamie: Hey, hey! Stay away from me! Easy! Caroline: I was just going to help you carry the firewood up! You're scared of her Jamie: She's a vampire Caroline: She's a vampire. She needs to feel connected to the people she loves. She needs to feel normal right now... Jamie: she's not normal. None of this is normal Caroline: Well, Abby didn't choose this. This was forced on her. She could have let herself die but she didn't. She's trying to make this work so she can be there for you, and for Bonnie, so... (Her phone rings) Caroline: So just get over yourself! (She answers. It's Elena) Caroline: Hey, what's going on? Elena: Bonnie's not returning my of my calls Caroline: Sorry. She's still mad. And, seriously, Abby's transition has been a little rough, so she's got a lot on her mind Elena: I know. And I get it. But... Something really terrible is happening to Ric, and I really need her help [Gilbert's House] (Alaric and Meredith are sitting in the kitchen. He's looking at his report) Meredith: I really don't think you should be looking through that stuff Alaric: Well, it's the truth. Restraining orders and all. My life in a series of police reports Meredith: You don't strike me as an angry guy. Which sounds weird, given everything. But... You don't Alaric: Yeah, well, I was stupid when I was younger. But listen, it's not like these guys didn't have it coming. I mean... This guy here broke a beer bottle over a bartender's head. And this guy... Hit his girlfriend. And this guy... OK, this guy was just a douche. Everyone needs to find a way to deal with their dark side. Some people meditate. I became a vampire hunter Meredith: Mmm, semi-retired Alaric: Listen, there's something that's not in these reports that I need to tell you about Meredith: Ok... Ominous. Shoot Alaric: Your cousin Logan Fell, the one who was vampire slayed... I did the slaying Meredith: The vampire thing... It's not my fight. I use their blood for what I need and leave the judgment to everyone else. Although, I have kind of been wondering why you never drew a stake through Damon's heart Alaric: I tried once. He killed me. Yeah. Yeah, figures. The thing that started all this ring stuff was me being angry enough to think I could take on a vampire in the first place [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is drinking a blood bag from the refridgerator. There's others on the floor. Damon arrives) Damon: Oh, come on. Slow down, brother. Control, remember? Doesn't matter whether it's blondes or blood bags, same principles apply Stefan: What did you say to Elena this morning? Damon: Oh, you're stress eating. Sublimating. You need to observe each other while you're pining and moping Stefan: I asked you a question, Damon Damon: I told her what she already knows... you're a vampire and you drink human blood. And to get over it. Which is the same thing I'm telling you. Own it, live it, love it. Stop being ashamed of who you are Stefan: Do me a favor, Damon... next time you talk to Elena, keep me out of it, OK? Damon: Gladly. Now, unless you're interested in a Sage-Rebekah s*x sandwich, I suggest you make yourself... Scarce [Abby's House] (Bonnie is cooking. Jamie enters) Bonnie: Who are you, again? Jamie: The guy who lives out back. You know, the one you're not related to Bonnie: Right Jamie: Caroline and I had a little talk Bonnie: Sounds like code for Caroline lectured you Jamie: Maybe. But I needed it. Abby's always been there for me. Now it's my turn. Thought I could build a fire Bonnie: Please. Maybe it'll distract everyone from my crappy cooking (Jamie is putting the woods in the fireplace. Abby arrives) Abby: Jamie... Jamie: I'm so sorry, Abby. I'm sorry about everything (They embrace each other. She loses control and bites him. Bonnie arrives and uses her powers) Bonnie: Abby! (Abby is pushed by Bonnie's powers. She holds her head. Bonnie rushes over Jamie) [Salvatore's House] (Sage and Damon are in the living room. There's a piano player. Sage is sitting next to him) Sage: Remember this song? Damon: All right, miss master seductress, where's our victim? Sage: Patience. Between her craving for affection and her pathological fear of being left alone, our little get together is too tempting to resist (She drinks from the piano player's wrist) Damon: Finn's gone, you know Sage: I choose to believe otherwise Damon: He strung you along for 900 years, didn't bother to call. He's gone Sage: You know, the Damon I knew was holding out for someone, too Damon: Yes, he was. Hope's a bitch, Sage. Get out while you can (The door bell rings) Sage: The sweet chime of desperation (Rebekah enters with a bottle in her hand) Rebekah: I stole it from Nik who stole it from a queen. I'm not sure which one. Well, this is depressing. What happened to the party? Sage: It just arrived (She smiles. Takes the bottle, opens it and looks at Damon. He smiles. Sage and Damon dance. Rebekah is alone, next to the piano player. She looks at them and seems bored. She drinks from him. Sage looks at her and pushes Damon towards her. she goes on the couch. Damon rejoins Rebekah) Damon: How about a duet (He drinks with her. Ten they gets up and Damon is about to kiss her) Rebekah: What about her? (Sage is on the couch and looks at them) Damon: I don't want her. I want you (They kiss. Sage smiles) [Abby's House] (Abby is outside. Bonnie rejoins her) Abby: I almost killed him! Bonnie: Caroline said that this kind of thing happens a lot at first, when you're still... Abby: no, no. I should just go right now, before I hurt Jamie again, or you! Bonnie: The only way you're going to hurt me is if you leave. Don't give up on this. Not again. We can make this work (Caroline rejoins them) Caroline: He's fine. Nothing a little vampire blood can't cure Abby: Thank You Caroline: Now I need a favor [Gilbert's House] (Elena is in the kitchen with Alaric. He writes something and gives it to her) Alaric: Listen, I want you to have this. This is a list of my bank accounts, passwords, where to find my will and how to contact my family just in case this doesn't go my way Elena: No, no, don't even think like that Alaric: Elena, I need to know that you and Jeremy are going to be OK Elena: We're all going to be fine (Her phone rings. She's answers. It's Caroline) Elena: Caroline? Caroline: So Abby thinks Bonnie can reverse the damage with a spell. I guess the same thing happens with witches who become obsessed with dark magic. They lose control and start acting out their darkest impulses Elena: Thank you so much Caroline: I'm going to hang back here with Abby, but Bonnie's leaving now, so if... um, hold on (Bonnie takes the phone) Bonnie: I need a personal effect of Alaric's. Something he wore before he started wearing the ring Elena: OK. I'll get it. Um... Bonnie, I'm so sorry for everything. Thank you for doing this Bonnie: Be ready to do the spell as soon as I get there. We have to work fast. I'll see you soon (She hangs up) Alaric: Good news, bad news? Elena: Bonnie thinks that she can help you with a spell Alaric: Well, it's worth a try Elena: But she needs something that you wore before you put on the ring. Something personal (Meredith rejoins them) Alaric: Well, there's, uh... My wedding ring. It's at the loft (She looks at Merdith) Elena: OK, yeah. Um, that's a good idea (Meredith looks at Alaric) Meredith: I think it's better if you stay here with me Alaric: Oh, you and your tranquilizers. It's in the dresser by the kitchen. It's in, uh, an aspirin bottle. Probably covered in cobwebs Elena: Ok [SCENE_BREAK] [Salvatore's House] (Damon is in his bed with Rebekah. She's asleep. Sage enters and rejoins them. She touches Rebekah's head and smiles. Damon tries to talk but she puts her finger on his mouth. She gets up and makes a sign to follow her. She takes of her clothes and goes in the shower. He rejoins her) Damon: I take it back. Your plan is amazing Sage: I told you, if you got her comfortable enough... She's an open book Damon: Well, are you going to torture me or are you going to tell me what she's up to? Sage: I'd rather show you (They kiss. And as they kiss, Damon sees images and conversations of Rebekah with Klaus, with the mayor...) Damon: There's another tree (Damon is in the library. He's looking at the old family milling records) Sage: Milling records? Damon: Our family made one of its many fortunes selling lumber. That's why Rebekah's been digging around about this stuff. That tree was on our land and milled by our yard. The letters will tell me where it was shipped. The business archives should be around here somewhere. Get upstairs. Make sure you keep her distracted (She leaves. Damon looks at the shelf and takes one of the milling company records. He opens it and reads that tha woods was ship to build Wickery Bridge) Damon: You've got to be kidding me [Alaric's Appartment] (Elena arrives. Stefan rejoins her) Stefan: Missed you at the house. Alaric told me you'd be here Elena: You made yourself perfectly clear this morning, Stefan Stefan: You don't want to be around me. I'm not trying to hurt you, Elena. I just can't be who you want be to be right now. I'm not in control Elena: So then what are you doing here? Stefan: Well, I, uh, did a little more digging on Samantha Gilbert. Founding family's were always pretty good about it, about destroying their records, but I found a couple of newspaper articles. Seems she killed two people while she was in the institution. A nurse and a guard Elena: So she was a psychopath. I get it Stefan: She was under suicide watch. No personal effects. No jewelry Elena: Wait, so you're saying that the violent behavior can still happen even if the person isn't wearing the ring? [Gilbert's House] (Alaric is on the couch. Meredith is in the kitchen) Meredith: Still with me? Alaric: Yeah. Yeah, I'm still with you Meredith: I'm half-dead, too. Neither one of us has slept in two days. Don't worry... I've got coffee on (He seems different. He gets up and goes to her bag. He breaks her tranquilizing jabs) [Salvatore's House] (Damon is burning the records. Sage arrives) Sage: Rebekah just left Damon: Happy, I hope Sage: Did you find what you were looking for? Damon: Yep. In 1912, the Salvatore milling company chopped down a forest. Its most valuable wood came from an old white oak tree that was used to make the wickery bridge. These aren't public records, so Rebekah's going to chase her tail for a long time Sage: So all the wood stripped from the underside of that bridge is basically a weapon that could kill an original Damon: Yep Sage: You see how this could be a problem for me, right? Damon: Why? Because of your true love Finn? Let me tell you something... I've met the guy. You're not going to miss him Sage: I will rip your head off in two seconds if you take one more step Damon: All right, let's make a deal. You want me to kill Rebekah, I consider Finn untouchable, you guys walk into the sunset together Sage: Is that a promise? Damon: Yes. It's a promise [Alaric's Apartment] (Elena is looking into drawers) Stefan: If Bonnie's spell doesn't work, ,what are you going to do with him? Elena: I'm not going to do anything ,Stefan. I'm going to keep looking until we can find something that will help him Stefan: You don't know how long this has been going on. It might be too late Elena: It's my family's ring that's doing this to him. It's my responsibility to fix it Stefan: You can't put that on yourself. Not everyone is your responsibility. Not everyone can be saved Elena: Are we talking about Alaric here? Or are we talking about you? Because I wasn't planning on giving up on either of you (Stefan opens a drawer for her 'cause she can't. There's pictures of head wounds. A picture of Bill Forbe's body and a article on Brian Walter's murder) Elena: What is that? Stefan: Pictures of his victims [Salvatore's House] (Damon enters the library. He's dressed) Damon: age, let's go. We have originals to kill (She's not here) Damon: Sage... [Alaric's appartment] (Elena and Stefan are looking into the drawer. She finds a big envelope with Jeremy's name on it. She opens it and finds a big pile of papers. There's a note from Alaric on the top of it. She reads it) Elena: "Jeremy, if anything happens to me, carry on my work. You have the other ring, let the ring make you strong. The council must be cleansed before the work can begin." (Under it there's a list of founders) Stefan: It's the founders council roster. Looks like some sort of hit list Elena: No, Alaric didn't write this Stefan: Who else would have written it, Elena? (She rips the note apart and takes Alaric's wedding ring from the drawer) Elena: I have to get back [Gilbert's House] (Alaric rejoins Meredith in the kitchen. She's looking for something) Alaric: Looking for something? Meredith: I don't know where anything is in this house. I'm sorry, I can't remember, do you take cream? Alaric: No cream Meredith: I was going to make sandwiches. I am starving Alaric: Can I ask you a question? Meredith: No mustard. I hate mustard Alaric: Do you ever feel remorse? Meredith: Sorry? Alaric: Well... You are a council member. And the council was formed to protect the people of this town from vampires, yet here you all are, just looking the other way; ignoring your responsibilities. Like you, and your vampire blood. So I'm asking you. Do you ever feel remorse? Because you should (He takes a knife and hurt her. She runs and he follows her. She goes to the stairs. He catches her foot but she hits him and runs to the bathroom. She locks herself and looks at her wound) [Wickery Bridge] (Damon arrives at the bridge but stops his car. Rebekah is there, burning the wood. He gets out of his car) Rebekah: Your grand plans always seem to get ruined, don't they? Sorry to disappoint you. Again (He turns himself and sees Sage) Damon: You set me up Sage: No. I'm just looking out for myself Damon: I told you I'd save your creepy boyfriend! Sage: And you lied to me, Damon! The originals are linked. If one dies, they all die. If I can get inside her head, don't think I'd be able to get inside yours? (He rushes over her and strangles her) Damon: I should and you Sage: I'm 900 years old, Damon. You're not capable of ending me. Do you really think that I would risk Finn's life for one of your petty revenge fantasies? Damon: Let me tell you something... your long lost love has a suicide wish. So when mama witch linked them together in a spell, he's the one who volunteered to die Sage: He wouldn't do that Damon: He didn't want to live. Not for you, not for anyone. He doesn't love you, Sage. And when I do find another way to kill those originals, I'll start with Finn (He gets into his car) [Gilbert's House] (Elena and Stefan enter. He makes her a sign to wait and goes look in the kitchen. Alaric goes down the stairs, a towel in his hands) Alaric: Hey there Elena: Hi. Where's Meredith? Alaric: Oh, she got called in to the hospital for a last minute surgery, but she'll be back later (She looks at his hands and the towel) Elena: What happened? Alaric: Oh, I... Broke a coffee cup and sliced my hand open trying to pick up the pieces. But I'll... I'll live. Did Stefan catch up with you? Elena: No Alaric: Did you get my ring? Elena: I... I couldn't find it Alaric: Yeah, well, my place is a bit of a disaster. I guess I'll, uh, I'll just have to go get it (She sees the knife on the floor. He goes toward her to attack her but Stefan arrivs and strangles him from behind) Elena: No, don't hurt him! Stefan: I'll try not to (He strangles him so he collapses. He lays him on the floor and looks upstairs) Stefan: Elena, I need you to come upstairs with me Elena: Why? Stefan: I'm going to need your help (They go upstairs. They go in the bathroom and she puts the light on. Meredith is laying on the floor, bleeding. There's blood everywhere. She's unconscious. Elena rushes over her) Elena: Meredith! OK, OK. You're going to be OK (Stefan is struggling. His face changes. Elena looks at him but he manages to control himsef, bites his wrist and makes Meredith drink his blood, then he leaves) (Alaric is laying on his bed. He wakes up. Damon's here) Alaric: What the hell are you doing here? Damon: Just making sure the witch didn't turn you into a toad or a block of salt. Bonnie did a little spell. It's nothing to worry about. Just something to keep the killer in you at bay Alaric: Did something happen? Damon: Let's just say you've got an alter ego hell bent on killing council members. So we're going to pack up some of your stuff, we're going to go to the loft, just for a little bit. You know, it's like house arrest, light Alaric: Wait, where's Meredith? Damon: She'll be fine, Ric (Elena is in the kitchen. Bonnie rejoins her. She has a box of herbs in hers hands) Bonnie: Hey. You OK? Elena: Yeah, I'm fine Bonnie: Abby says that all the dying and coming back to life might have chipped away at Alaric's psyche, making it easier for the darkness to take hold. These herbs are the binding element of the spell. He needs to take them twice a day. I'll get you more. Abby and I are going to work on the garden Elena: How is she doing? Bonnie: The transition's been hard, but I think she'll be OK. Eventually. I'm going to go back and stay with her for a while. It'll give us a chance to work things through Elena: I'm sorry, Bonnie. I didn't... I didn't want this to happen. If there's anything that I can do to make it different, I... (Bonnie embraces her) Bonnie: I know Elena: Please say that you forgive me Bonnie: Of course I do [Abby's House] (Caroline and Jamie are gardening) Caroline: Am I even doing this right? Jamie: Yeah, you're doing fine. Hey, um, thanks for helping out with Abby. Bonnie's really lucky to have a friend like you Caroline: Well... I went through the same thing once. Ahem. With my dad. But it didn't really work out. So... You know... (She gets up) Caroline: Well, when Bonnie gets back, she can snap her fingers or wave her hands or whatever, and make the herbs bloom. I think Abby's up (She rejoins Abby. Abby's writting something and has a bag with her) Caroline: What are you doing? You're leaving. You kidding me? Abby: I have to. I don't know how to do this Caroline: Do what? Be a vampire or a parent?Because I can help you be a vampire. I can teach you self control. But being a parent, I mean, that's all you. Bonnie grew up without a mom because you ran away once. But now you have an eternity to make up for it and you're just going to throw that away? Abby: She's better off without me! Caroline: No, she's not! No one is better off without their parents. She wants to make this work. Please. Just stay (She gets up and takes her bag) Abby: Tell them I'm sorry (She leaves) [Gilbert's House] (Elena is on the phone with Jeremy) Jeremy: Hello? Elena: Hey, stranger Jeremy: Hey, you checking up on me? Elena: Do you need checking up on? Jeremy: Well, I'm not flunking any of my classes. Yet. And I got a dog Elena: Hey, have you talked to Alaric lately? Jeremy: Uh, no, why? Is everything OK? Elena: Yeah, everything is fine. Um, I just wanted to hear your voice Jeremy: OK. Hey, can I call you later? I'm actually on my way out with some friends Elena: Yeah, um, of course, Jer. Go out. Go have fun and, um... I... I just miss you Jeremy: Yeah. Yeah, I miss you, too (They hang up. She cries) [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is drinking. Damon enters with a package) Damon: Little early in the day for you, isn't it? Stefan: Just having a little toast Damon: To what? Stefan: Control Damon: You're happy, I'm happy Stefan: Why are you in such a good mood? Sage double crossed you, tree's a pile of Ash, Alaric's got a psychopathic alter ego Damon: You know, Stefan, I'm a philanthropist. I make the world a better place. Restoring bridges, landmarks, and... (He opens the package. It's the historical Wickery Bridge sign) Damon: Historical signs made of the same white oak as the wickery bridge Stefan: They think all the wood burned Damon: I sold my rage. Phew. You should have seen me Stefan: We have a weapon Damon: Game's back on, brother. Let's go kill some originals

Meredith cannot find anything wrong with Alaric and he believes he is going crazy because of the ring so he gives it back to Elena. Elena and Damon fight about how to teach Stefan to feed on human blood. Caroline brings Abby some blood, but Abby is not handling being a vampire well after losing her connection to the earth. Sage returns to Mystic Falls to find Finn, the love of her life. Stefan tells her that Samantha Gilbert went crazy and killed herself. Damon seduces Rebekah with Sage's help. Bonnie says she can reverse the damage done to Alaric with a spell. Damon and Sage find the way to kill the originals: the old Wickery Bridge was made of white oak tree. Alaric attacks Meredith, but luckily Stefan and Elena arrive in time to save Meredith and Stefan manages to control his blood lust. Sage finds out that the Originals are linked and that Finn will be killed as well, so she betrays Damon and Rebekah burns the wood. Bonnie heals Alaric and forgives Elena for her part in her mother's death. Bonnie's mother leaves after losing control and attacking her surrogate son, Jamie. Damon finds another way to kill the Originals.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_03x20

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_03x20_0

[Scene: A night shot over the ocean. The sun is setting. And a voice over by Joey.] Joey: Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again? [Scene: The docks. Andie, Jack, Jen, Doug and Buzz are sitting by True Love waiting for the rest of the group to get there to christen the boat. Dawson and Mitch one riding up in the car to Join them] Andie: Oh, hey, look. There's Dawson and his dad. Mitch: Got the champagne? Dawson: Right here. Oop! Whoa. That was almost a disaster. Hey, guys. Buzz: Hello. Dawson: Hey. Buzz. Andie: So, uh, where's Joey? I thought she was coming with us. Dawson: She, uh, wanted to stop at a library first and plow through that Watergate history assignment. [Scene: Inside the boathouse. Joey and Pacey are there kissing and hugging each other quite a bit.] Joey: Come on. Let's go, Pacey. It's your boat we're planning on christening. Pacey: I own a boat? Joey: Mmm. No, we have to stop doing this. It's wrong. Pacey: Yes. Dead wrong. Joey: Pacey. Look, we've been in denial all week. I mean, when we're around other people, we pretend like nothing's changed, and then the minute we're alone, it turns into this. Pacey: This what? Joey: Well, this... Embarrassing grope fest. Pacey: Yeah, I guess this is kind of embarrassing, huh? Especially for you, given how much you protested. Joey: I did not protest. Pacey: You did too. Joey: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Pacey: I gotta tell him, Jo. We do. We gotta tell him as soon as possible, because the longer we wait, Jo, the worse it gets. Joey: No, Pacey. I've tried. I've tried plenty of times to-- every time I see the guy now, I just feel like-- you don't have to bother filling in the expletive, ok? I mean, this isn't exactly the easiest thing I've ever had to do, Pacey-- telling Dawson that while he wasn't looking, I developed this bizarre gravitational pull towards his best friend, and I can't stop thinking about him or wanting to be near him or wanting to kiss him all the time. Pacey: I'll do it. Joey: What? Pacey: I'll tell him. Joey: No, I can't let you do that. It's--this is my responsibility. Pacey: Jo, it's not your responsibility. I'm the one that started this, remember? I'm the one that got you into this situation. And, frankly, the only way that I want to save my friendship with Dawson is to be completely honest with him, so I gotta do this. All I need is one day. Just one day. Joey: One day. Pacey: Yes. One day. [Opening Credits] [Scene: On the Docks. Pacey and Buzz are talking as Doug is slowly walking to Join them.] Pacey: No, she's not late. She's an hour late. When people are late, they're, like, 15 minutes late. Doug: All right, here's the deal. There's an apologetic yet somewhat incoherent message on the machine for you from someone named Nora. It seems she got confused, thought you had him for the day. Now she's stuck at work and can't get free until this evening. Pacey: Speaking of work... You're not on duty today, are you? Doug: Ah, no, no, no. Little brother, this juvenile is your responsibility. Pacey: But, Doug, I got this one thing I gotta do, man, and it kind of ranks high up there on the importance list. So...Look, I'll just do this one thing. I'll go, I'll do it, I'll come right back. I swear. Doug: Have you ever noticed how your one little things tend to multiply? Pacey: Doug, it's just one thing. I'll be right back. I swear. It shouldn't take Doug: Pacey. Pacey: Dougie. [Scene: Outside Gram's House. Jen and Grams are carrying some suitcases out to the car and put them into the trunk] Grams: I know he's a very respectable young man, and we certainly have no reason to suspect him of ill intentions, but... With no one here to chaperone... Jen: Ah, you never know what sort of high jinks might ensue. Grams: This is no laughing matter, Jennifer. I established these rules not because I don't trust you, but because the sexual impulses of a teenage boy Jen: Ok, grams, I think that you're going out on a limb here for nothing. I assure you that whatever sexual impulses Henry parker may throw at me I am perfectly capable of handling. [Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Pacey is standing there staring at the front door. Jen sees him and goes over to Join him.] Jen: Hey, pace. Pacey: Hey. Jen: Nobody home? Pacey: I don't know, actually. Jen: Could knock and find out. Pacey: I could just walk right in, you know. They never lock it. I've been coming here since I was 5 years old, just walking right through the front door, making myself at home. Jen: She wants to be with you, pace. She does. Pacey: And you know this how? Jen: Told me so this morning. Pacey: [sighs] Why am I not happy to hear that right now? Jen: Well, because right now you've gotta walk through that front door and tell your best friend that the only girl in the universe he can't live without... Pacey: Is the same one that I can't live without. Jen: Yeah. Pacey: I've had this conversation with him in my head a thousand times. Jen: Yeah? How's it go? Pacey: Oh, you know, Dawson saying something along the lines of... "Vaya con dios, pace. "I had my shot at making her happy. Now...Why don't you give it a try?" Jen: It could happen. Just minus the Spanish part. Pacey: Yeah. [Mitch walks out of the house carrying some stuff for his boat.] Mitch: Hey, guys. If you're looking for Dawson, you just missed him. Pacey: Did he say where he was going? Mitch: Yeah. He said something about the library. [Scene: Inside the library. Pacey is looking for Dawson, when he runs into Andie.] Andie: Pacey. Hi. Pacey: Hey. You're looking happy. Is this just your usual library glow? Andie: Yeah, well, you know, free books make me giddy. [Will walks up to Join them.] Pacey: Krudski. Will: Studying on a Saturday, Witter. That's most unlike you. So, uh, I'll see you tonight, Andie? Andie: Yeah. Will: See you, man. Pacey: Tonight, huh? Andie: Yeah. Uh... We were thinking about getting dinner or something Pacey: no, hey, look, look. A girl's gotta eat, huh? Andie: So, uh, what are you doing here? I mean, you're not studying, are you? Pacey: No. Not studying. Looking for Dawson. You haven't seen him, have you? Andie: Nope. Haven't seen him. Pacey: Well, I'll let you get back to, uh... I'll see you later, Andie. Andie: Yeah. [Scene: Inside Doug's apartment. Doug is running frantically around trying to get some order, as Buzz is jumping up and down on the bed.] Doug: No, no, no, buzz! Listen to me. This is not a toy. All right? This is an answering machine. This was my answering machine. Do you understand? Wh-what-- buzz, where's the tape? Stop bouncing! Stop [Pacey enters and picks up something from the end table and Joins them.] Buzz: yeah! And I thought you were boring. Pacey: See that? Gameboy. It's Pokemon blue, man. Go to it. Doug: Yeah, that's really great. Where the hell have you been? Look at this. It's ruined. Pacey: Doug, I'm sorry. Look, me and Joey came to a really important decision. Doug: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Since when are you and Joey deciding anything? Pacey: You're gonna like this one, 'cause it turns out you were right. She's into me, man. That's why she got so freaked out when I kissed her. Doug: Really? Pacey: Yeah. Doug: So then you told Dawson? Pacey: Uh...No, not exactly. That's what I was trying to do all morning, Doug. Remember the little errand that I had to run, but it just... Turned into this wild goose chase, and... I really didn't think it was going to take that long. I'm sorry. Doug: Look. Telling Dawson that you kissed Joey in a moment of weakness is a hell of a lot different than sneaking around with her behind his back, don't you think? Look, Pacey, at the end of the day, Joey and Dawson, they're gonna stay friends or whatever it is that they are, and you're gonna end up alone. All right? No girlfriend, no friend, just completely and utterly alone. Think about it. [Scene: On Dawson's Porch. Pacey is about to knock on the door, when Joey comes running up to stop him.] Joey: Hey. Hey. Pacey: Hey, Jo, what's wrong? What's wrong? Joey: Look, Pacey... We can't do this, ok? Pacey: Can't do what? Joey: I have to be the one to tell him, ok? I mean, things are really complicated between me and Dawson, and it has nothing to do with you. It's just... [She takes him off the porch] Joey: Look... It has to come from me, or else... It's going to ruin everything. Pacey: Ok. Ok. That's ok. It's ok. Just calm down, Jo. It's all right. We'll do whatever you want to do, ok? I mean... If you want to know the god's honest truth... I've been in the process of chickening out the whole way over here. Joey: Maybe it's a sign, Pacey. Pacey: A sign of what? Joey: It's just that for so long, he's been everything to me, Pacey. I mean, this guy has been my family when I haven't had one, and he's the one person in my life that I can always depend on, and--and this? This is gonna kill him. Pacey: You never had any intention of telling him, did you? You didn't come over here tonight to tell him. You came here to stop me from telling him. Joey: No. I tried to tell him. I went up there and I tried. Pacey: Of course you did. Let me guess. You failed, right? [Dawson comes out to see what's going on.] Dawson: I thought I heard something out here. Joey: Dawson, uh... We were just, uh Pacey: Having an argument. Dawson: Obviously. What about? Joey: Mmm... Pacey: Us, Dawson. We were arguing about us. Me and Joey. There's an us here now. [Scene: A night shot over the ocean. The sun is setting. And a voice over by Joey.] Joey: Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again? [Scene: The docks. Andie, Jack, Jen, Doug and Buzz are sitting by True Love waiting for the rest of the group to get there to christen the boat. Dawson and Mitch one riding up in the car to Join them] Andie: Oh, hey, look. There's Dawson and his dad. Mitch: Got the champagne? Dawson: Right here. Oop! Whoa. That was almost a disaster. Hey, guys. Buzz: Hello. Dawson: Hey. Buzz. Andie: So, uh, where's Joey? I thought she was coming with us. Dawson: She, uh, wanted to stop at a library first and plow through that Watergate history assignment. Jen: Oh, speaking of which, I finally got through all the president's men. So if you'd like your tape back, I can return it now. Dawson: Ok. I'll come by and pick it up. What'd you think? Jen: Incredible movie. But, uh, Henry didn't feel as though there were enough cute teenage girls. Jack: Hey, don't look now, but I think that's the captain of this vessel. Dawson: Oh. Pacey: Well, I guess we can get started. Dawson: Not without this, we can't. Hey. Hi. As promised. Pacey: Hey. Wow. Whoa. Champagne. Thank you. Nice, but, you know, sparkling apple cider would have probably worked just as well. Dawson: Not for this occasion, man. This is a monumental accomplishment. You took something that was destined for the scrap heap... Jen: Hi. Joey: Hey. [Scene: Next to a Payphone. Jen is talking on the phone as Joey is waiting for her to get off of it.]] Jen: No, I-- if you come by around 2:00, my grams will be gone, all right? No-- no, no. All right, I'm taking Joey to the library, I'm gonna give grams her car back, and I will see you later. Ok, bye. Joey: Thanks again for the ride, Jen. Jen: Oh, god, don't worry about it. Joey: I was supposed to go by this morning, and I got kind of busy, and... Jen: You know you don't have to explain. Unless, of course, there's something that you want to explain. Joey: Recently you and I spoke about unrequited feelings that a certain someone Jen: namely Pacey? Joey: Namely Pacey, uh... May have had for me. And how those unrequited feelings express themselves in the form of a kiss. They're not... Um... Unrequited, that is. They are actually, uh... They're very much requited. Jen: Ok, so you've kissed back a certain someone, namely Pacey... And... You'd like for that to continue? Joey: I think so. I mean... Yes. But the thing is, my feelings have been clouded by my fear of what Dawson will do or say once he knows. Jen: Joey, if you're asking me whether or not you should tell Dawson... The answer's a big fat yes. Joey: I know. We're going to tell him. I mean, Pacey's going to do it today, and... He wanted to. I tried. I--I did. I tried plenty of times. It's-- it's just that... When we tell him... Dawson gets hurt. And if I tell Pacey not to tell him-- then Pacey's gonna get hurt. Jen: [Sighs] yeah. Joey: So... Whatever I do, I'm the villain. I mean, the girl's always the villain, right? In stories like these, she's always some... Wicked, conniving whore who manipulates her way between 2 brothers or 2 best friends. Jen: Ok, Joey, keep in mind that most of those stories have been written by men. Joey: I really wish I was more like you. Jen: Oh, yeah. Joey: You feel things, and you act on them. Pacey does the same thing. He's...Fearless. Jen: All right, I'll let you in on a little secret about the so-called fearless. We're not as tough as you think we are. And Pacey's heart can break just as easily as the next guy. Maybe even more so, considering it was already broken when you got there. [Scene: Inside the Library. Joey is on an upper floor, and she sees Andie talking to Pacey. Cut to a little later when Joey is at a computer when Andie comes up from behind.]] Andie: Hey. Lady. 20-minute time limit on these things, right? Joey: Sorry, Andie. I was just finishing up the Watergate assignment. How about you? Andie: Oh, nowhere near done. But I'm taking off anyway. I have a date tonight. Joey: Will? Andie: Yeah. I like him. I do. And he's smart, way smart. And he has no idea how cute he is. Which is key, 'cause god save us from the ones who do. Joey: So what's the problem? Andie: He's... He's not Pacey. Ohh! Pathetic. I know. I know. And I thought I was over him. I really, really did. But then I bumped into him a little while ago, and...I mean, technically we're friends, right? And that's how I played it. But then it's, like, when I saw him, every irritating/adorable thing he ever did flashed before my eyes, and... I mean, that's the true test, right? When you just bump into somebody... And if you're not over him, then boom--floodgates. [Scene: Outside Downtown on the sidewalk. Dawson runs into Joey on the street.] Dawson: Hey. Joey: Dawson. Uh Dawson: You hurried much? Joey: Yeah. I just, um... I must have lost track of time. I was supposed to meet Bessie at home by now. I-- ok. I wanted-- I was gonna call you. Dawson: Do you want to do a movie night tonight? I've got to help my mom with something, but I could pick up a movie on my way home. Joey: You know, I really don't think I'll be able to. Maybe some other time, ok? Dawson: Ok. Are you all right? Joey: Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just-- I have to, uh... I have to, uh... Uh... Uh... Dawson: Go? Joey: Yes. I gotta go. Bye. Dawson: All right. I'll see you. Joey: Bye. [Scene: Inside Doug's Apartment. The camera is focused on the Answering machine. We can hear Joey's voice on it as it records her message.] Joey: Pacey? Doug? Ok, you're not there. Um... Look, Pacey, um, don't do what you said you were going to do today, ok? Dawson's not even home. I just kind of ran into him, and--and I think you should wait. I think you should wait until you talk to me, 'cause... I really think that I should be the one to tell him. Ok. [Joey hangs up] [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is sitting watching a movie as Joey climbs in through the open window to Join him.] Movie: ...Nothing to you. You wait. She's not your girl, and she-- she is my girl. I don't care if we did break up. You don't even live here anymore. That don't make no difference. I've always lived here. I'm gettin' her back. I'm telling you right now, she's gonna marry me one of these days when I get a little bit more money. She won't marry you. Sure she will. We always meant to get married. She's going off to college soon. I doubt... Dawson: You changed your mind. Joey: Kind of. Um... I--I wanted to talk to you, Dawson. Um... Pacey hasn't been here, has he? Dawson: No. Is he supposed to be? Joey: Uh, no. Actually, uh... Um...No. What are you watching? Dawson: The last picture show. Joey: Isn't that the movie that we saw when we-- our first date. Dawson: Yep. Yes, it is. It wasn't exactly a successful evening, was it? At least not movie-wise. Joey: What do you mean? Dawson: We never got to see the end. Joey: So, uh... How does it end, Dawson? Dawson: Well, there's 3 friends that grew up with each other. Jeff bridges is in love with Cybill shepherd... And she dumps him and breaks his heart, and he's devastated... Um...And she's not. Ha. She, uh...She just kind of moves on to the other guy. And, um...It destroys their friendship. And...That's pretty much how it ends-- everyone, uh, alone, everyone hating each other. It's--[laughs] it's really depressing, actually. I don't--I don't know why I'm watching it. Um... So what'd you want to talk about? Joey: You know, I just-- I actually-- I just remembered that, um, I promised Bessie that I would help... Watch Alexander tonight, and she's probably waiting for me, so, um... Bye. [Scene: On Dawson's Porch. Pacey is about to knock on the door, when Joey comes running up to stop him.] Joey: Hey. Hey. Pacey: Hey, Jo. What's wrong? Joey: Look, Pacey... We can't do this, ok? Pacey: What? Can't do what? Joey: I have to be the one to tell him, ok? I mean, things are really complicated between me and Dawson, and it has nothing to do with you. It's just... Look-- it has to come from me, or else... It's going to ruin everything. Pacey: Ok. Ok. Just calm down. We'll do whatever you want, all right? Do whatever you want. [Chuckles] do you wanna know the god's honest truth? [Cut to a little bit later off the porch.] Pacey: You didn't come here tonight to tell him, did you? Joey: No, that's not true, Pacey. I tried to tell him. I went up there, and I tried. Of course you did. Pacey: Let me guess. You failed, right? [Dawson comes out to Join them] Dawson: I thought I heard something out here. Joey: Dawson, we were just Pacey: having an argument. Dawson: Obviously. What about? Joey: Uh... Pacey: Us. We were having an argument about us. There's an us here now. I'm sorry, man. We didn't wanna tell you this way. Dawson: You didn't tell me. Joey: You know, don't you? Dawson: Yeah, I know. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A night shot over the ocean. The sun is setting. And a voice over by Joey.] Joey: Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again? [Scene: The docks. Andie, Jack, Jen, Doug and Buzz are sitting by True Love waiting for the rest of the group to get there to christen the boat. Dawson and Mitch one riding up in the car to Join them] Andie: Oh, hey, look! There's Dawson and his dad. Mitch: Got the champagne? Dawson: Right here. Oop! Whoa! That was almost a disaster. Hey, guys. Buzz: Hello. Dawson: Hey. Buzz. Andie: So, uh, where's Joey? I thought she was coming with us. Dawson: She, uh, wanted to stop by a library first and plow through that Watergate history assignment. [Scene: Inside the boathouse. Joey and Pacey are there kissing and hugging each other quite a bit.] Pacey: So we're agreed? Joey: Agreed. Pacey: Ok. Joey: Pacey. Pacey: Right. Joey: You go first. I'll catch up with you later. [Scene: The Boat Docks. Everyone is ready to watch the christening.] Jack: Hey, don't look now, but I think that's the captain of this vessel. Andie: Well, then I guess we can get started. Dawson: Not without this, we can't. As promised. Pacey: Whoa! Champagne. Ha ha. You know, sparkling apple cider would have worked just as well, Dawson. Dawson: Not for this occasion, man. This is a monumental accomplishment. You took something that was destined for the scrap heap and managed to turn it not only into a thing of beauty, but also a viable mode of transportation. Jack: Witter, come on, man. Let's get the show on the road. Pacey: Be right there, man. Uh... Look, Dawson, you gonna be home after all this? Dawson: Yeah. For a little bit. I've got to work later. Pacey: Cool. Uh... All right, well, look. I know you guys are all on tight schedules, so I'm gonna keep this thing short. It's a beautiful day and all. Dawson: Hey. Joey: Hey. Pacey: Um... First and foremost, I should probably thank hurricane Chris for enabling a poor schlub like me to actually be able to afford a boat like this. But, uh, secondly and more importantly, I'd like to thank everybody who pitched in... Everybody who scraped and sanded and polished and painted and otherwise helped out to get this boat back in the water. Some, of course, did that more willingly than others. So, uh... Without further ado... I christen for you... True love. That's it. [Scene: Inside the School Library. Dawson is looking through the racks when he sees Will on the other side looking around.] Dawson: Will? Will: Hey. Dawson, hey. Um, look, I was wonderin' if you could help me out. I'm lookin' for some secret room Andie says is, like, ideal for studying. Dawson: Um... She probably means the genealogy room. It's usually pretty dead in there. Will: Cool. Guess I'll try that. Dawson: All right. Good luck. Will: Thanks. [Will leaves but comes right back.] Will: Hey, Dawson. What did, uh, you and Joey do on your first date? Dawson: Excuse me? Will: You know, if you don't want to tell me Dawson: No, it's fine. It's just-- I'm kind of surprised. It's a left field question. Will: Yeah, but, uh, not if you just asked someone out. Dawson: Andie? Will: Yeah. Um, so, what should I do? Dawson: Well, Joey and I went to the movies, which is a really terrible idea because you can't talk to the person. You can't even really look at 'em. So, what would you suggest? Um...There's always the creek. The night sky overhead, moonlight reflected in the water. It's one of those things that's achieved clich status 'cause it actually is that romantic. Will: Oh, uh, where would I get a boat? Dawson: Uh, my house. Will: You sure? Dawson: Yeah, absolutely. You know where it is. Just come by and get it. Will: Great. So, what are you up to tonight? Dawson: I think I might try and hook up with an old friend. [Scene: Grams' Porch. Jen is sitting reading a book, while Henry is standing by the door of her house.] Henry: So I'm really not allowed in the house? Jen: Sorry. According to grams, you're public enemy number one. Henry: What if I have to use the bathroom? Or the phone? What if you start to choke and I need to call 911? Jen: Well, then we'll just have to consult an etiquette book from 1955. [He sits down next to her and kisses her.] Jen: What are you doing? Henry: I don't know. Stuff. [Jen sees Dawson outside starting to head over to her house.] Jen: You know what, Henry? Why don't you go inside? Henry: You just told me I couldn't. Jen: Well, I changed my mind. No, I know. It's ok. Go. [Dawson walks up to the porch.] Dawson: Hey. I'm sorry. I can come back if it's a bad time. Jen: Oh, god, no, no. I was expecting that you'd come by anyway. How ya doin'? You all right? Dawson: I'm fine. Jen: You know, if you wanna just come inside and hang out with Henry and I... We could use a chaperone. Dawson: As tempting as that sounds, I think I'm just gonna go watch a movie, relive better days. Jen: I know this must seem like the hardest thing in the world right now, but, you know what? In the long run, it's better that Pacey told you. Dawson: Told me what? Tell me what? Jen: That--nothing. Dawson: If it's nothing, then why were you so concerned about me? Jen: No, I wasn't concerned. Dawson: Yes, you were. You were concerned because you assumed Pacey told me something. Told me what, Jen? The fact that you're unwilling to answer my question speaks volumes. It has to do with Joey, doesn't it? It does, doesn't it? Jen: God, I'm so sorry. Dawson: You've known about this? Jen: Dawson, it wasn't my place to say anything. I didn't want to interfere. I wanted to protect you. Wait, Dawson. Wait, stop, say something. Please. Dawson: I'm fine, all right? I'm fine. Jen: No. Dawson: I'm fine. Jen: No, you are not fine. What can I say? What can I do? Dawson: You can do me the same favor that you did them. You can keep this to yourself, all right? Thanks for protecting me. [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is sitting watching a movie as Joey climbs in through the open window to Join him.] Movie: Just never thought you'd do me that way. I thought we were still best friends. We are. What you so mad for? I never done nothin' to you. I guess screwin' my girl ain't nothin' to you. I ain't screwin' her. The hell you ain't. [Rustling at window] Dawson: Hey. You changed your mind. Joey: Kind of. I wanted to talk to you, Dawson, um... Pacey's not here, is he? Dawson: Uh, no. Is he supposed to be? Joey: No. Movie: She'd never let you screw her, that's for sure. Joey: What are you watching anyway? Dawson: The last picture show. Joey: Isn't that the movie that we saw when-- our first date. Dawson: Yep. Yes, it is. Wasn't exactly a successful evening, was it? At least not movie-wise. Joey: What do you mean? Dawson: Well, we never got to see the end. Joey: So, uh, how does it end, Dawson? Dawson: Well, it's 3 friends that grew up with each other. Jeff bridges is in love with Cybill shepherd, and she dumps him and breaks his heart. He's completely devastated... And turns out she's not. She just kind of moves on to the other guy, and it destroys their friendship. It's never the same after that, and that's how the movie ends. Everyone alone. Everyone hating each other. It's pretty depressing, actually. I don't know why I'm watching it. [Turns off movie] So what was it you wanted to talk about? Joey: You know, I just, I actually-- I just remembered that I promised Bessie that I would help watch Alexander tonight, and she's probably waiting for me, so, um... Bye. [Dawson is trying to fight his tears after she leaves. Shortly he hears some voices from his window.] Pacey: You didn't come here to tell him. You just came here to stop me from tellin' him. Joey: Look, that's not true, Pacey. I tried. I tried to tell him. I went up there, and I tried. Pacey: Of course you did. Let me guess. You failed, right? [Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Pacey, Joey are Dawson are there arguing about what has happened.] Pacey: I'm sorry, man. We didn't want to tell you this way. Dawson: You didn't tell me. Joey: You know, don't you? Dawson: Yeah, I know. So were you planning on telling me, or was this just gonna be a secret fling? Joey: Look, it's not like that. Dawson: Then how was it? 'Cause Jen was short on details. Joey: She told you? Dawson: Well, she thought I knew. I mean... I had to be pretty frickin' stupid not to know, right? That the 2 people I trusted most in the world were lying to me? So are you bored? Are you confused or just malicious? Pacey: Hey, look, I started this thing, ok? If you're gonna get angry at somebody, you get angry at me. Dawson: I don't think you're in any position to talk about what's fair. You were my best friend. Pacey: I still am. Dawson: I'm finding that a little hard to process right now. Pacey: It's the truth, Dawson. Dawson: So I guess it's safe to assume that friendship doesn't come above s*x in your list of personal priorities. Pacey: This has nothing to do with s*x. Dawson: Oh, what, are you in love? Is that what this is? Oh, god, don't look. Don't look at her, all right? Don't. I-- you know what, Pacey? I feel sorry for you. Because when all this is over, you're really gonna need your friends, and you're not gonna have any. You are not gonna have a single one. [Andie and Will come walking up from Dawson's pier.] Andie: Hey, guys. What's goin' on? Dawson: Why don't you ask Pacey? Ask him how long he and Joey have been sneakin' around behind my back, or better yet, ask Joey. Ask her how long she's been lying to me and to you. Go ahead, ask 'em because I can't stand to look at 'em anymore. [Scene: Jen's Porch. Jen is standing there holding the door open trying to get Dawson to stop from leaving.] Jen: Wait, Dawson. Dawson, wait, stop. Say something, please. Dawson: I'm fine, all right. I'm fine. I'm fine. Jen: No. No, you are not fine. What can I say? What can I do? Dawson: You can do me the same favor that you did them. You can keep this to yourself, all right? Thanks for protecting me. [Henry comes out of the house to stand next to Jen.] Henry: So, where were we? Jen: Henry, I just did the most awful thing. Henry: It couldn't have been that awful. Jen: Believe me, it was. God, I totally screwed up. I accidentally told Dawson something he wasn't supposed to know and really hurt his feelings in the process. Henry: But you didn't mean to do it. Jen: Yeah, but it's still my fault. I mean, I'm the one who messed up. [Henry tries to kiss her.] Jen: Hey, no. I'm not sure what it is that you're doing right now, but it's not helping matters any. Henry: That's 'cause you're not giving it a chance. [Henry tries to kiss her again.] Jen: I mean it. Henry: Look, I'm just trying to make you feel better. Jen: No, you're not. You're trying to make yourself feel better. Henry: What did I do that was so terrible? Jen: Don't you even want to know what just happened? Henry: Maybe I don't. Maybe for once I want to put us before whatever little mini-drama you and your friends have whipped up this week. Jen: Ok. You know what? Why don't you leave? I'm not kidding. Leave. Henry: Now you're being irrational. Jen: No. No, just irritated. Irrational is when I get violent, which is gonna happen in 2 seconds if you don't get your horny freshman ass out of here. [Scene: Late at night on the Creek. Andie and Will are out on the creek and Will is rowing the boat as they talk.] Will: A little much maybe, for a first date? Andie: No. No, I mean, it's beautiful. Will: Come on, admit it. I did kind of go... Andie: Overboard? Will: Plan b. Pretend we're not on a date. Andie: Ok. Um, you're rowing us across a body of water. What do you want me to pretend? That this is something from Greek mythology? Will: Orpheus and Eurydice. Do you know that one? Andie: Uh-uh. Will: They were a couple of kids, totally in love, but then she died. Snake bite. He couldn't deal, so being the ancient world's most kick-ass musician, he goes to the underworld, located the proper authorities and played for 'em... All about Eurydice and how he had to have her back. Andie: And? What happens? Will: It worked... But there was one condition. He wasn't allowed to look at her until they were back in the real world, so they set out, and as they were just about to make it, he looked back. Andie: So, she died all over again? Will: He went to grab for her, and all he got was air. [Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Andie and Will come walking up the pier to Join the argument already going on between Pacey, Joey and Dawson.] Andie: Hey, guys. What's goin' on? Dawson: Why don't you ask Pacey? Ask him how long he and Joey have been sneaking around behind my back, or better yet, ask Joey. Ask her how long the two of them have been lying to you and to me. Go ahead, ask 'em 'cause I can't even stand to look at 'em anymore. [Dawson leaves and goes into his house and Joey runs after him.] Andie: So, is this true, Pacey? You and Joey? Pacey: Yes. Andie: I don't know what to say. Pacey: Me neither. Andie: You must really, uh... You know, to give up your friendship with Dawson, to give up everything. God, how could you be so stupid, Pacey? You know you're gonna get hurt. She is never going to love you like she loves him, ok? He is her first love, Pacey. Her first love. [Scene: Inside Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson enters and Joey Joins him.]] Joey: Look, I didn't intend for this to happen, Dawson. Dawson: What you intended does not provide me any solace. What? Do you love him? Are you-- you just want to sleep with him? Joey: No. How could you say that? Dawson: It's what he's gonna expect. Joey: We're not together, Dawson, and we haven't been for a long time. Almost a whole year has Dawson: Are you punishing me? Because I didn't want to get back together with you? Joey: Why would you think that I would Dawson: Why, Joey? Because you keep on saying that you want to go find yourself. Is this what you've been looking for the whole time? Is Pacey what you've been looking for? Joey: No. Dawson: Then explain it to me, Joey. Explain to me how 2 people who can barely stand to be in the same room with each other end up outside my window arguing about the future of their relationship. Joey: I can't, ok? I can't explain it. It happened. Everything between you and me is so complicated. Dawson: Joey, if things are complicated between us, it's because you made them that way, all right? You. And you think that... Whatever was wrong when you were with me is gonna magically get better when you're with him? Joey: I don't know, Dawson. I don't know, ok? I just know that I-- I need him. Dawson: You need him like you need me? Joey, it's a simple question. Do you need him like you need me? Joey: No. Look, you can't do that, Dawson. You can't. Those 2 things have nothing to do with each other, and you know that. The way that I feel about him is completely separate from the way that I feel about you and our friendship. Dawson: Joey, we don't have a friendship right now. As of right now, we do not have a friendship. Joey: That is not fair! Dawson: You can't have both of us! You can't have him as your boyfriend and me as your consolation prize. You're gonna have to make a choice, and I'll tell you right now, if you choose him, I'm not gonna be around to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart. This ruins everything. There's no goin' back. Joey: Ok. What do you want me to say, Dawson? Tell me what you want me to say. What do you want to hear? Dawson: I don't want you to say anything. I want you to leave. [Joey leaves through the window.] [ A little later there is a knock on door and Jen is at the Door to his bedroom.] Jen: Hell of a day, huh? Dawson: I have no desire to rewind and live it again, if that's what you mean. Jen: You shouldn't be alone right now. Dawson: Why not? I am alone. I might as well get used to it. Jen: You're not alone, Dawson. Don't ever think that. Dawson: Jen, why didn't you tell me? Jen: If 2 people are on a crash course for each other and you throw yourself in between... It's only gonna bring them all that much closer. Dawson: So, what am I supposed to do now? Am I supposed to just accept this? Am I supposed to just wake up tomorrow like nothing's changed? Jen: You just have to let things run their course, and you have to let her decide what it is that she really wants. Dawson: I can't let her go. Jen: What else can you do? Dawson: You can fight. You can fight for what you want. [Scene: The boat docks. Pacey is sitting there and Joey comes up to Join him.] Joey: Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again? Pacey: Yeah. You? Joey: Yeah. Pacey: So, what would you have done differently? Joey: I don't know. Everything. Nothing at all. We'd still end up right back here, and I don't think I know where here is. Pacey: Here is right where we started. Joey: Well, she looks beautiful in the water. Pacey: This morning was really just a formality. I still don't know if she's sea-worthy. Joey: She looks pretty solid. Pacey: I don't know. I think I see some stormy weather ahead. Joey: Pacey... Pacey: It's over, isn't it? Joey: It has to be. Pacey: Maybe you should be the first one to go this time. [Joey walks down the pier and then turns back only to see a light on in the boat house.]

In a story reminiscent of the film Go, the day Pacey and Joey's relationship goes public is played out four times, each time revealing a little more of what happened. Capeside's newest couple struggle to tell Dawson about their relationship, but end up not needing to say anything after Jen unknowingly lets the cat out of the bag. Dawson is not the only one hurt by the relationship, as Andie also gets upset and sours her first date with Will. Dawson gives Joey an ultimatum; if she continues her relationship with Pacey, she will be subsequently ending their friendship. Joey is brokenhearted at losing either Dawson or Pacey, but reluctantly ends things with Pacey out of guilt.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_02x20

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2.20 - Help Wanted OPEN IN STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai and Rory are walking past the gazebo toward Luke's] RORY: What? LORELAI: Nothing. Are you tilting? RORY: No. LORELAI: I think you're tilting. RORY: I'm not tilting. LORELAI: Do you wanna hold onto my purse? It might even you out. RORY: Stop anytime you like. What are you doing? LORELAI: Well, I'm gonna get a pen and put it on top of your head and see if it rolls off. RORY: Okay, see, this is not how you console the injured. LORELAI: You're right, I'm sorry. [pulls a book out of her purse] How about this? RORY: The Little Locksmith! LORELAI: And I got it at the bookstore, paid full price. RORY: Thank you! LORELAI: You're welcome feel better? RORY: I do. LORELAI: Good. . .now can I put a pen on top of your head? RORY: No. Mom? LORELAI: Oh good, hold still. RORY: Forget the pen. LORELAI: Drat! RORY: When are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Luke? Was it bad? I mean, I'm sure it was bad, but how bad is bad? LORELAI: It was nothing. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Look, I was upset, he was upset, we had a thing. It's over, we're fine. RORY: A thing? LORELAI: A tiny thing. RORY: A tiny thing? LORELAI: A thinglet, if you will. RORY: You and Luke don't have thinglets very often. LORELAI: Oh no, Rory, everybody has thinglets, it's part of being a grown up. RORY: Well, what did he say? What did you say? LORELAI: Rory, please. RORY: Well, okay, fine, just answer me this we are on our way to Luke's, right? LORELAI: Right. RORY: And when we get there, will we get in? LORELAI: Of course we'll get in. RORY: Will we get served? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: Will we get coffee? LORELAI: Maybe. RORY: Refills? LORELAI: Eventually. RORY: Free refills? LORELAI: In about a month. RORY: Okay, the thinglet has grown into a thing. LORELAI: Rory, Luke and I have fought before, God knows we'll fight again, but it's over, it's history. We'll go in, he'll be crabby, I'll be adorable, he'll forget everything and that, as they say, will be that. RORY: Okay. [They reach Luke's Diner there is a crowd out front] LORELAI: Hey, is there a line? KIRK: Closed. LORELAI: What? KIRK: It's closed. LORELAI: Luke's is closed? RORY: Luke's is never closed. KIRK: I know. LORELAI: Are you sure it's closed? KIRK: Well, first I read the sign and then I tried the door in case it was some sort of elaborate ruse. LORELAI: Designed to keep only you out? KIRK: There's precedent. LORELAI: Well, Luke's gone fishing. I think that's great. RORY: It is? LORELAI: Yes. He works hard, he needed a break, he took it. I think it's good, healthy. KIRK: For who? I have blood sugar issues. RORY: Mom -. LORELAI: Don't. RORY: It's because -. LORELAI: No, it isn't. RORY: But he never --. LORELAI: Well, now he did. RORY: But --. LORELAI: Rory, he took a trip. Don't read anything into it. RORY: It's because of the other night. LORELAI: No, it isn't. And even if it is, it'll go away. Everything'll be fine. KIRK: Speak for yourself. I left my wallet in there yesterday. [opening credits] CUT TO THE HUNGRY DINER [Lorelai and Rory are in another restaurant, standing near the door] LORELAI: Why are we standing here? RORY: Because the sign says wait to be seated'. LORELAI: Yeah, but we're not automatons, we are rule breakers, and there are like fifty open tables. RORY: You're exaggerating. LORELAI: One, two, three, four, fifty no I'm not. RORY: I'm sure someone will help us soon. LORELAI: We should be eating, I'm hungry, this is crazy. Don't they want us eating? Isn't that what the point of The Hungry Diner is to feed the hungry diner? Or is the point of The Hungry Diner to keep the hungry diner hungry, in which case they should call it The Eternally Hungry Diner cause you're not gonna get any food here, loser. RORY: That would be quite a sign. LORELAI: Ugh, I'm giving one of these paper-topped turkey heads three seconds to seat us or I swear, I'm gonna start to just . WAITRESS: [walks up to them] Two? LORELAI: Yes, please. [they follow the waitress toward a table] RORY: You're gonna what? LORELAI: What? RORY: Well, you said you were gonna do something if somebody didn't help us in three seconds. LORELAI: I did? RORY: Yes, you did, and then the waitress came over and you never finished saying what you were gonna do. LORELAI: Honey, we gotta get some food into you, you're imagining things. RORY: What were you gonna do? LORELAI: Shh! You're getting screwy! RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Mom? I'm not your mom. Do you need help little girl? RORY: Oh my God. WAITRESS: How's this? LORELAI: It's, uh, perfect, thanks. WAITRESS: Can I bring you some coffee to start? LORELAI: To start and finish. WAITRESS: Need a little pick me up? LORELAI: Do I! WAITRESS: Back in a jif! [leaves] LORELAI: Okay, when she comes back, we're gonna grab her and hold her down and you tell her really ugly things about the world. RORY: Why don't you get your daughter to help you out with your evil plan? LORELAI: Okay, now, make nice. [opens menu] Oh, how convenient. They have pictures of all the food in case you've been living in a cave for the last fifty years and you have no idea what a stack of pancakes looks like. [waitress brings them their coffee] LORELAI: Oh, excuse me, I'm sorry. WAITRESS: Yes, Sweetie? LORELAI: What are the tiny cups for? WAITRESS: They're coffee cups, they're for coffee. LORELAI: What, are you running out or something? WAITRESS: I'm sorry? LORELAI: Never mind. Listen, we are very sleepy this morning, so would you happen to have something in a larger size, say a mug, a tureen, a small bowl of some kind? WAITRESS: A coffee bowl? LORELAI: Yes, a coffee bowl. RORY: Bring two, please. WAITRESS: We don't have coffee bowls, I'm sorry. LORELAI: Okay, well, then would you mind bringing. . .what do you think two, three? RORY: Three's good. LORELAI: Yeah, three of these cute little cuppy things? Oh, and could you leave the pot in the meantime? [waitress walks away] LORELAI: Well, looks like coffee, smells like coffee. . . RORY: [takes a sip and makes a face] The comparison stops there! LORELAI: This sucks. RORY: Just put a lot of stuff in there so you can't taste it. LORELAI: How am I gonna fit my three sugars into Barbie's Malibu dream cup here? It'll be all sugar and no coffee. RORY: You may prefer it that way. LORELAI: Man. [glances over and sees Michel at another table] Well, well, well. RORY: What? LORELAI: I'll be right back. [walks over to Michel, who is reading a magazine] So, what's new for Fall? I hear the sailor suit is hot, hot, hot. MICHEL: What are you doing here? LORELAI: Luke's is closed this morning. MICHEL: By the health inspector, no doubt. LORELAI: So. . . this is where you have your breakfast, huh? MICHEL: Until this morning, yes. LORELAI: How's the grub? MICHEL: They make an excellent egg white omelet, no oil. LORELAI: Really? MICHEL: They use the spray. Can you leave now? LORELAI: How come you never told me about this place? MICHEL: Because then you might actually eat here and there would be no corner of my life which would be free of your incessant scrutiny. What are you doing with the fork? LORELAI: Can I have a bite? MICHEL: Can you what? LORELAI: Just a taste. MICHEL: Get away from me. [stands up to leave] LORELAI: Aw, Michel, don't go. Come eat with us. MICHEL: You'd like that, wouldn't you? LORELAI: No, not really. MICHEL: Good, it's a date. LORELAI: You, me, here tomorrow? MICHEL: Never. [leaves] [Lorelai walks back to Rory and sits down] LORELAI: Hey, know what? I'm beginning to like this place. RORY: I'm glad. Mom, I need to ask you a favor. LORELAI: Ask away. RORY: I need you to get me out of dinner tonight. LORELAI: Oh, Rory. RORY: Dean's coming home and he doesn't know about the accident and if I'm not there the second he gets home then someone else is gonna tell him about it and then that would be . LORELAI: Horrible. RORY: Yes. LORELAI: I agree. RORY: I really hate to ask you this. LORELAI: Ah, forget about it. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, absolutely. Make things right with Dean. RORY: I really appreciate this. LORELAI: No problem. In fact, it gives me a little extra time to work on my why Rory's wearing a cast' story for your grandparents. RORY: Yeah? What do you got so far? LORELAI: Really big bees. RORY: Huh. Well, it's good you've got the time. LORELAI: Yeah, it is. CUT TO FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER [Lorelai and Emily are walking toward the living room] EMILY: I'm so sorry Rory isn't feeling well. Is it that flu that's been going around? LORELAI: Oh, yes, it is. EMILY: Horrible strain. Bunny Carlington-Munchausen has been bedridden for two straight weeks. LORELAI: Huh. Well, it must wipe her out just toting that name around. EMILY: I wonder if I should take a drink into Richard. I hate to disturb him while he's working. LORELAI: He's working, like work working? EMILY: That's right. His articles of incorporation arrived last week. He's rented an office. Your father is now the president and CEO of the Gilmore Group, an international insurance consulting firm. LORELAI: Wow, that's great. So, um, what's the. . .like, how does. . . what's his job? EMILY: He's a consultant. LORELAI: Meaning? EMILY: Your father is an international insurance consultant. LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, but what exactly does that mean? EMILY: He consults on matters relating to international insurance. LORELAI: Wait, wait when Dad goes to his new office, he sits down and he. . . EMILY: Consults with international clients on insurance matters. LORELAI: I don't know why we're not opening for Rickles. RICHARD: [from hallway] Dammit! EMILY: Richard, are you all right? RICHARD: [walks into the living room] No, I am not all right. That was Margie just now on the phone. EMILY: Oh, how is she? LORELAI: Who is she? EMILY: You know very well who Margie is. She's been your father's secretary since you were a child. LORELAI: Oh, Largie Margie. . .very clever when you're six. RICHARD: In answer to your question Emily, Margie is well. So well, in fact, that she has decided not to join me in my new business. EMILY: What? RICHARD: She's staying with the old firm. EMILY: But how could she? You were the only reason she even had a job at that firm. RICHARD: I went to great pains to remind her of just that. EMILY: Well, this is simply unacceptable. You and that rotund ingrate had an agreement. LORELAI: There was an agreement, in writing? RICHARD: Well, not in writing per se, but she helped me procure my new office, she arranged to have all my things sent over, all that was left was for her to accept my formal offer, a very generous one, if I may say so. EMILY: And she just turned you down? RICHARD: She had the gall to counteroffer. She kept insisting that I match her current salary. LORELAI: Oh, Dad, you weren't even offering to match the poor woman's salary? RICHARD: Well, Lorelai, the Gilmore Group is a fledgling enterprise. I can't afford to pay Margie her full salary right away. EMILY: But after twenty years, where is the woman's sense of loyalty? LORELAI: Oh, gee, I don't know. . .maybe with the company that's keeping her from having to stand in line for government cheese. RICHARD: I'm afraid, at this point, I don't know how to proceed. EMILY: Well, of course you don't. RICHARD: I had counted on this. EMILY: Of course you had. RICHARD: Perhaps I should reconsider going forward. EMILY: That may be best. LORELAI: Excuse me? RICHARD: I can't very well do it without Margie. EMILY: No one would expect you to. LORELAI: Guys, you can't be serious. EMILY: I wonder if it's too late to get out of my lease. LORELAI: What? EMILY: You should look into that immediately, Richard. LORELAI: Whoa, whoa, whoa! There is a baby here desperately in need of some bath water. RICHARD: What is she saying Emily? EMILY: What are you saying Lorelai? LORELAI: I'm just saying there are other options to consider. RICHARD: Like what? LORELAI: Like hire another secretary. EMILY: Oh no. Your father's had other secretaries. RICHARD: Three in fact, each one worse than the previous one. EMILY: Until Margie. RICHARD: Margie was a gem. EMILY: Margie did everything for him. LORELAI: Yes, but Dad, there are plenty of other Margie's out there dying to be in that kind of codependent relationship with you. You will find one, trust me. Now she might not be named Margie but if you pay her enough you can probably call her whatever you want. RICHARD: I don't have time to find someone new. The office is a disaster. Everything is in boxes. I don't know where anything is or how anything works. . . the computers, the phones, even my office chair. LORELAI: Okay, Dad, I'll tell you what. Tomorrow afternoon after my business class, I will come to your office and we'll get you unpacked, we'll get you settled, and we'll find you someone as good as Margie, or at least cheaper. RICHARD: Oh, I hate to see you waste your time. LORELAI: Well, I'll blindfold you then. RICHARD: I don't know, I . LORELAI: Dad, there's another Margie out there, honest. Just give it a chance. RICHARD: An office without Margie. . . EMILY: Seems inconceivable. LORELAI: Dream with me here folks. CUT TO DEAN'S HOUSE [Rory is sitting on the porch as Dean and his dad pull up in an SUV] DEAN: Hey. RORY: Hey. DEAN'S DAD: Hi Rory. [goes into the house] DEAN: What happened? What'd you do to your arm? RORY: [hands him an envelope] Here. DEAN: What is this? RORY: Just read it. DEAN: What Rory, what's going on? Tell me how you hurt your arm. RORY: It's all in the letter. DEAN: But . RORY: Read. DEAN: Uh. . .[starts reading] Well, I love you, too. RORY: Good now just hold onto that feeling for a minute. DEAN: Why? RORY: Just . DEAN: Read, all right, I'm reading. [reads some more] What? RORY: Keep going. DEAN: [reads some more] What? RORY: Turn it over. DEAN: [reads some more] What! RORY: Go on, you have like three more whats ahead of you. [Dean kicks his duffel bag and reads some more] RORY: It gets better at the end. I'll just stand here until you get there. DEAN: [reads some more] Is he really gone? RORY: Yes. DEAN: Okay. You wanna come in? RORY: What? DEAN: You can stay for dinner, my mom's making a roast. You like roast, right? RORY: Um, yeah, I like roast. DEAN: Okay, come on. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Later that night, Lorelai and Rory are sitting at the kitchen table. Lorelai is covering Rory's cast with a plastic bag] RORY: And then we just watched TV. LORELAI: Oh, you mean you watched TV.' Use the air quotes, Sweetie. RORY: His little sister was there. LORELAI: Oh, so you watched TV. . .go on. RORY: And then he walked me home. LORELAI: That's it? RORY: That's it. LORELAI: Did he kiss you goodnight? RORY: Yup. LORELAI: But he didn't ask about the other night at all? RORY: Nope. LORELAI: Didn't ask about the car? RORY: Not once. LORELAI: And Jess? RORY: He just asked if he was really gone and that was it. LORELAI: Wow. RORY: I thought he would yell and scream. I though he would wanna break up instead, he gave me his corn. LORELAI: He did? When? RORY: At dinner. LORELAI: Oh, so you were already eating. It wasn't just an out of the blue, And I give you my corn.' Okay, got it. RORY: Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet, maybe he'll be mad tomorrow. LORELAI: Maybe Dean is even more terrific than we thought he was. RORY: It's not covering the whole cast. LORELAI: Relax, I'm not done. [gets a box of Saran wrap] RORY: Do you really think he's okay with it? LORELAI: Sounds like it. RORY: If the situation were reversed, I don't think I'd be okay with it. LORELAI: If the situation was reversed, I don't think Dean would've let Jess drive his car. RORY: I guess I should just be grateful then? LORELAI: Grateful, absolutely. RORY: [points to a stack of papers] What are these? LORELAI: These are resumes for your Grandpa's new secretary. RORY: There are like a hundred of them. LORELAI: Yes, well, the world is full of eager young people just waiting to have the life sucked out of them by Richard Gilmore. Okay, I'm finished what do you think of that? RORY: If we were gazelles, we'd be the first ones eaten at the watering hole. LORELAI: Well, be thankful we're not gazelles. Now go take your shower. You're starting to look like you're starring in an independent film. [Rory starts to leave the kitchen] LORELAI: Hey? RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: Dean knows ya, hon. He knows you wouldn't do anything to hurt him, he gets it. So, you're lucky, just focus on that. Jess is gone, now you guys can start over. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: And, uh, hey, even though the box says it's safe, I want you to keep your arm out of the microwave for at least a week. CUT TO RICHARD'S OFFICE [Lorelai walks into an office crowded with boxes] LORELAI: Dad? RICHARD: Oh, come in, come in. LORELAI: So, let me guess, the Wu Tang Clan had the office before you? RICHARD: Yeah, it's a bit disheveled, I know. LORELAI: Wow, it's freezing in here. RICHARD: Uh, yes, it has been since I moved in. LORELAI: Oh, did you try adjusting the thermostat? RICHARD: Yes, that only seemed to make it angry. LORELAI: So you've been just Nanooking it this whole time, just sending out for whale blubber and mukluks? [adjusts thermostat] RICHARD: Well, I wouldn't touch that if I were you, Lorelai. You don't know what you're do . LORELAI: Ah, the wind done gone. RICHARD: So it would seem, for the moment. LORELAI: No, no, I turned it off. Here, let me show you. [the phone rings] Do you wanna get that? RICHARD: No, no, they've already hung up. [phone stops ringing] LORELAI: Okay, next time hold an envelope up to your head before you do that. RICHARD: Well, it's been doing it all day. The phone rings once, and then poof, they're gone. LORELAI: [walks over to the phone] Oh, that's because your messages are being forwarded to your voice mail. See where it says voice mail. RICHARD: How could that happen? LORELAI: I don't know, where's your manual? RICHARD: Uh, manual. . manual. . . LORELAI: Uh, came with the phone, probably has a picture of a phone on it. Aha, look what I found under your copper ball glued to the wood thing here. RICHARD: Uh, it's brass. One of the firm's parting gifts as they nudged me into retirement. LORELAI: So, in addition to being heavy and ugly, it's also insulting. RICHARD: Quite. LORELAI: There you go, that should work. You wanna call me from your office? RICHARD: Well, this is my office. LORELAI: Oh, well, whose office is that? [points toward an adjoining room] RICHARD: Ah, yes, excellent idea. [walks toward the other office as the phone rings] That isn't me calling. LORELAI: Didn't think so. Should I get that? RICHARD: Yes, please. LORELAI: [answers phone] Um, hello, the Gilmore Group. Mr. Hensen. . . why, yes, he... RICHARD: Ooh! [gestures that he doesn't want to talk] LORELAI: ...just walked out. May I take a message? Uh huh. . . [looks through the drawers for a pen] Um, how are you spelling, uh, Larry? [Richard hands her a pen] Oh, traditionally, great. Okay, uh, thank you for calling. . .bye bye. [hangs up] Where the hell are your pens? RICHARD: Uh, watch your language, young lady. What did Larry want? LORELAI: He wanted to know where the hell your pens are. RICHARD: Lorelai. LORELAI: He just wants you to call him, Dad. Where are all the office supplies? RICHARD: Well, I haven't gotten around to that yet. LORELAI: Before anything else can happen, you need pens, you need paper, you need. . . everything else, don't you? Especially since I might be tempted to wash my hand at some point. RICHARD: Well, where does one get these things? LORELAI: Well, Dad, where did you used to get them? RICHARD: From Margie. LORELAI: From Margie. . .I saw that coming. All right, well, let's go. CUT TO OFFICE SUPPLY STORE [Lorelai pushes a cart down an aisle as Richard follows behind her] RICHARD: Good Lord, this place goes on forever. LORELAI: Oh, it goes on until chair mats and floor mats but if you're not careful, you'll loop back around into inks and toners and be here all day. Stay close. Hey, there's a seat in the cart if you want a ride. RICHARD: I'll pass. Look at the scale of this place. I mean, no one needs all these options, it's oppressive. Hundreds of paper clips in every conceivable color and size. Now, who on Earth would buy these things? LORELAI: We would. [puts them in the cart] All right, now, what's the first thing you do when you get to the office in the morning? RICHARD: Uh, well, let's see, I return the calls from Asia first. [walk over to a row of coffee makers] LORELAI: That's right, you make coffee, so you'll need a coffee maker. Let's see. Ugly, crappy, German, ooh - pretty! RICHARD: Oh, well, as long as it's pretty. LORELAI: Why is everything worth having just out of reach? RICHARD: Is there no one here whose job it is to actually assist paying customers? LORELAI: No, that's how they can afford to sell this baby for forty percent off. RICHARD: Forty percent off, I had no idea. [grabs the box from the top shelf and puts it in the cart] LORELAI: Nicely done, Dad. You won't be sorry. RICHARD: You know, it's suddenly becoming clear to me that I'm an old man. I don't recognize half the whats-its and dodads in here. LORELAI: Well, Dad, here we have an assortment of magic sticks and when you press down on paper, writing comes out. RICHARD: I know what pens are, Lorelai. LORELAI: Good, you pick out your favorites and I'll try to figure out how to explain Liquid Paper to you. [Richard picks up a couple of pens] LORELAI: Oh, you're cute. [Lorelai picks up several boxes of pens] RICHARD: I can't possibly use all of those. LORELAI: You won't. You'll lose half of them, then you'll be really happy to have the ones you have left. Now, paper. RICHARD: All right. This oughta do nicely for now. [picks out a small package of paper] LORELAI: What, are you going into business for two weeks? You are building an empire for crying out loud. Think big, Gilmore! Plus, if you get the box, it's cheaper. [puts huge box of paper into the cart] RICHARD: Say, how do you happen to know all of this? LORELAI: It's how we do it at the inn. You have to spend money to make money, my friend. It's a little tip from me to you. RICHARD: Good point. What else? LORELAI: I'd strongly recommend a stapler. RICHARD: Stapler. LORELAI: Some extra staples. RICHARD: Ah, I'm way ahead of you. LORELAI: Good man. Post-Its. RICHARD: My goodness, look at all the Post-Its. I had no idea they came in so many shapes and colors. I'm gonna get a twelve pack for myself in various hues. LORELAI: Wise move. RICHARD: And one for Emily. I have seen her post notes on her vanity mirror to remind her of various activities. LORELAI: Ah, she'll think it's Christmas. RICHARD: Done. Now, what else is on the hit parade? LORELAI: Well, it might be controversial, but I was thinking of something in the way of a three-hole punch if we can find one. RICHARD: Well, I think we're both up to the challenge. Shall we? CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Rory and Lane are walking down the street.] LANE: Dawn Powell? I've never heard of her. RORY: Nobody has, which is a shame because she wrote sixteen amazing novels, nine plays, and there are some who actually claim that it was Powell who made the jokes that Dorothy Parker got credit for. LANE: Blasphemy. RORY: I know. I'm trying not to hold it against Dawn though, until I have proof that she was involved with the whole smear campaign. [they walk past an empty shop] LANE: Hey, look! They finally took the boards off the windows. RORY: Oh, I wonder what it's going to be. LANE: I don't know. [they look through a window] RORY: What's that in the corner? LANE: I think it's. . .a bass. It's a bass! And look, there are guitars on the wall! Oh my God, it's a music shop! RORY: Wow, that is much better than the ceramic circus store we thought was going in there. LANE: I can't believe it. Stars Hollow has taken its first steps toward being cool. I wonder how soon it's going to open. RORY: If you keep pushing on the glass like that, much sooner than anticipated. Hey, hold on a sec? LANE: Why, what's wrong? RORY: Nothing, I'll be right back. [walks across the street to Taylor] Taylor? TAYLOR: Rory, hello! RORY: Hi. Listen, I just wanted to . TAYLOR: Oh no, just look at that arm! RORY: It's fine, really. TAYLOR: Does it hurt? RORY: No, not much. TAYLOR: Well, I hope you're not getting addicted to painkillers like those Hollywood people do. RORY: Um, I'm not, don't worry. TAYLOR: Good, because pain is your body's way of saying I'm not okay now, but I will be soon.' RORY: I will remember that. TAYLOR: You don't wanna shut your body up too soon. That's called death. RORY: Right. Um, Taylor, listen, I just wanted to apologize to you. TAYLOR: About what? RORY: About the other night. You know, my car hit the bench that had your brand new Doose's Market sign on it and I know how much that sign meant to you and I'm just so, so sorry that it was ruined. TAYLOR: Oh, well, it wasn't your fault. RORY: But my car hit the bench. TAYLOR: Your car hit the bench because that Jess was driving. RORY: Oh, well, yeah, but . TAYLOR: That boy is a walking natural disaster, they should name a tornado after him. RORY: But he didn't cause it Taylor, there was TAYLOR: Rory, you don't have to explain a thing to me. I know that there is absolutely no way that you would be involved in something like that if it weren't for that Sal Mineo wannabe, believe me. Chachi, and Chachi alone, will be held responsible for that incident, okay? Good. Now take a peach. RORY: Thanks. [Taylor walks away as Lane walks over] LANE: So, is he mad? RORY: No, not at me. LANE: Well, that's good. RORY: Yeah, that's good. CUT TO SOPHIE'S MUSIC [Lane walks into the new music store. Kirk is standing at the counter talking to the owner] KIRK: That's my home phone number, my pager number, my cell number, and there's a partial list of references. SOPHIE: Yeah, okay, I'll hang onto this, but as I said before, we just opened, so I'm not really looking to hire anybody right now. KIRK: I am licensed to carry a gun, if that'll help. SOPHIE: You have no idea how much. [Lane walks over to a wall of guitars and starts to touch one] SOPHIE: Can I help you? LANE: Oh, no thank you. I was just looking. SOPHIE: We like the looking, it's the touching we're a little iffy on. LANE: Actually, I was just going. . .[almost bumps into a cello] That probably would've been construed as touching, huh? SOPHIE: Yes. LANE: Right. [stops to look at a drum set] Oh my. SOPHIE: That's a DW drum set with Zildjian cymbals. LANE: It's beautiful SOPHIE: Do you play? LANE: Oh, no. I wish. SOPHIE: Sit. LANE: What? SOPHIE: Sit down, see how it feels. LANE: Oh, I couldn't. SOPHIE: Why, your legs don't bend? LANE: No, they bend. SOPHIE: Okay, if they bend then bend them. LANE: Well, okay. [sits down] This is a good stool. SOPHIE: Yes, it is. Here, you can't sit down at a drum set without your sticks. LANE: Right cause that would be stupid. SOPHIE: And remember no touching. LANE: Right. [pretends to play the drums] SOPHIE: You look good. LANE: Thanks. CUT TO RICHARD'S OFFICE [Richard is on the phone while Lorelai stacks his bookshelves] RICHARD: Well, granted the European insurance market still needs some restructuring but it's growing at a remarkable rate. What am I basing it on? Well, Clive, surely you've seen the latest EuroStat. Yes, I've got it right in front of me. [whispers to Lorelai] EuroStat! [Lorelai hands him a booklet] RICHARD: Ah, yes, here it is. Let's see. Uh, the highest contributions in absolute terms were reached in the United Kingdom, Germany, and the Netherlands. Uh huh. Well, yes, I would have to look up those specific coding and reference numbers. [Lorelai brings over some books for him] Uh huh, yes, I've got them right here. Mm hmm. For the year, uh, 2001. . . uh, here they are. Uh, yes, are you interested in the Netherlands? I think that's a market that's gonna go through the roof. [the phone rings in the other office, Lorelai goes to answer it] LORELAI: Gilmore Group, may I help you? Oh, no, Margie doesn't work for the company anymore. I'm the one who called to schedule the DSL appointment. Well, no, no, we really need the DSL line installed today, it's just awful being without it. Uh huh. Okay, well, um, if you can make it before five, everything's good, but any later than that won't work because the cable modem people are dropping by about 5:05, so. . . well, thank you, that's great. Okay, bye bye. [hangs up] They'll be here in twenty minutes. RICHARD: I must say, I'm impressed. LORELAI: Well, I'm no Margie. RICHARD: Oh, who needs here? LORELAI: Speaking of which. [hands him a stack of papers] RICHARD: What's all this? LORELAI: The secretarial candidates for tomorrow's interviews. I've looked through them pretty carefully, and I think somewhere in there is a Margie for the new millennium. [phone rings] RICHARD: I'll get it. LORELAI: No, get to know your new secretary, I don't mind. [answers phone] Gilmore Group, may I help you? EMILY: Yes, Richard Gilmore, please. LORELAI: [in high voice] Oh, um, uh, certainly, may I ask who's calling? EMILY: Emily Gilmore. LORELAI: And does he know what this is about? EMILY: Well, I hope so, I'm his wife. LORELAI: [giggles] Oh, but Richard didn't say anything about being married. EMILY: What! LORELAI: Mom, relax, it's me. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Yes. EMILY: Well, you're crude and unprofessional. LORELAI: Well, I'd like that on my tombstone, please. Now what can I do for you? EMILY: I'm throwing a little cocktail party at the office on Friday to help launch the new business. Now, the caterers will be arriving at three o'clock sharp to set up, so are you writing this down? You should be writing this down. LORELAI: I'm scribbling furiously. EMILY: Margie always wrote everything down. LORELAI: So does this mean no Friday night dinner? EMILY: It means we'll see you both at the party. LORELAI: Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT YARD [Rory walks across the yard as Babette rushes over to her] BABETTE: Oh! Rory, Sweetie, hold on there, baby! RORY: Hey Babette. Is everything okay? BABETTE: I should be asking you that question. Come here, let me see that arm. Oh, you poor little thing. How you doing, huh? RORY: I'm doing fine. BABETTE: Aw, look at ya, being brave like that after all you've been through. Geez, it's so hard being a woman, isn't it? RORY: I guess. BABETTE: I mean, you've got your morals and your standards and your good common sense and then bam! You meet some guy and all that goes right out the window. RORY: But . BABETTE: For every good woman there's a dirty little wolf just ready to lead her astray. You can't help it, he's got the eyes, the chin, the chest hair you could carpet your dining room with. . .I mean, what's a woman to do? We're not made of steel for God's sake. RORY: Babette BABETTE: I was in a cult once, did I tell you that? RORY: No. BABETTE: I met this guy once gorgeous, tan, looked just like Mickey Holiday. We had coffee, he gave me a pamphlet. Next thing you know, I'm wearing a muumuu, playing a tambourine, jumping up and down at the airport. RORY: Okay, I really have to get inside. BABETTE: Oh, sure, honey, sure, you go take good care of yourself. And don't be embarrassed tutz, this has happened to all of us. CUT TO INSIDE LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory walks through the front door] RORY: Mom, you here? [walks over to answering machine and plays a message] LORELAI: [on answering machine] Hey you, it's me. I'm gonna be home a little late today still trying to find Grandpa a Margie. So order pizza, money's under the rabbi, hope your arm's feeling okay, Sweets. Buh-bye. [Rory gets some from money under a rabbi doll on the desk, then walks to the kitchen and gets a soda from the refrigerator. The phone rings] RORY: Hello? LANE: I have found my calling. RORY: What are you talking about? LANE: I am talking about my future, my path, my destiny, my thing, my scene, my bag. I'm talking about the number one item on my cosmic to-do list. RORY: Which is? LANE: I'm gonna be a drummer! RORY: You're kidding. LANE: I went into that new music store today -- I don't know why I went in, I just had to. Something told me, Lane Kim, there's something in there that you need to see', and there it was, and it was red and shiny and I'm so excited I can't breathe. RORY: That's amazing. LANE: I know. RORY: But how are you gonna do this? LANE: I don't know. RORY: How are you gonna buy a drum set? LANE: I don't know. RORY: And even if you do buy a drum set, where are you gonna play it? LANE: I don't know, I don't know any of this. But I will figure something out, because I am Keith Moon, I am Neil Peart, I am Rick Allen, with and without the arm, because I am rock 'n' roll, baby! I'll call you later. CUT TO RICHARD'S OFFICE [Lorelai and Richard are interviewing a secretarial candidate] KAREN: So when she opened her own office, she asked me to come along as her executive assistant and office manager, which was a terrific opportunity. LORELAI: I bet! How so? KAREN: In that I was able to build that office and its staff from the ground up and develop a system from scratch. LORELAI: Wow, so you have a system. KAREN: Which helped double productivity and billing hours, but then she got pregnant, and well, here we are. LORELAI: Wow, story of my life literally. RICHARD: Well, uh, thank you for coming in, uh. . .uh, Karen. Uh, we'll let you know once we make our decision. KAREN: Thank you, Mr. Gilmore. It was a pleasure meeting you both. LORELAI: Here, I'll walk you out. I love what's going on with your shoes, by the way. [walks Karen out, then returns with a bag] Hey, look what I found. RICHARD: Oh, good, lunch, I'm starving. Uh, do you wanna eat in here today? LORELAI: Sure, why not? RICHARD: Oh, good, they threw in pickles like I asked. It's great having this place just across the street, isn't it? LORELAI: You'll never starve. RICHARD: Hm, maybe we should start a tab with them so we don't have to pay cash everyday. LORELAI: Already done. RICHARD: Amazing. You're like the tiny fellow on that Mash program, always anticipating. LORELAI: So, what do we think? RICHARD: Mm, that's tasty. LORELAI: No, I mean about Karen. RICHARD: Who? LORELAI: Karen, the woman who was just here, the one with the system. RICHARD: Mm, rather inexperienced, I thought. LORELAI: Dad, she worked as an executive assistant for six years. RICHARD: Well, she's young, and young women tend to be flighty. LORELAI: She worked for the same woman for five of those six years. RICHARD: This roast beef is delicious. It's lean, it's tender. What'd you get? LORELAI: Cheeseburger. RICHARD: Mm, I may get one of those myself if we order from the same place tomorrow. LORELAI: Tomorrow? RICHARD: Mm hmm. LORELAI: You mean for more secretary interviews? RICHARD: Well, whatever's on the agenda. LORELAI: Dad, you've already seen like three people who would be absolutely perfect for the job. RICHARD: You can't rush these things, Lorelai. A man's secretary sets the tone for the entire enterprise. LORELAI: I know that, but RICHARD: It has to do with chemistry as much as anything else, which cannot be manufactured out of sheer necessity. Besides, you and I seem to be doing just fine for the moment. LORELAI: Yes, for the moment, but the moment is coming to a rapid end. RICHARD: Well, what do you mean? LORELAI: I can't work here cause I have my own job. RICHARD: I know that, Lorelai. LORELAI: And I need you to find an assistant soon, like now because I don't even know when I'm gonna be able to come back. RICHARD: Well, I need to see more resumes. In the meantime, LORELAI: Dad, I cannot come back here tomorrow. RICHARD: I see. LORELAI: I didn't mean that to sound so harsh. I just. . .I meant RICHARD: I know exactly what you meant to say, Lorelai. I got the message. Well, I won't keep you any longer, I know how busy you are. LORELAI: Dad, I didn't mean I have to go right now. We can finish our lunch. RICHARD: Oh, I'm finished. Will you leave the phone number of the sandwich shop for me, please? I'll need it. LORELAI: All the numbers you need are right there on your desk. RICHARD: Oh, good. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some of my own work to attend to. Thank you for all your help. LORELAI: You know, Dad, if it makes any difference, I thought that Karen was RICHARD: Thank you. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai gets some food from a takeout window] LORELAI: Here. RORY: You know, there will be food there. LORELAI: Finger food, aka snooty little balls of attitude. RORY: Oh boy. LORELAI: I need real food, peasant food. Hearty bread, meat, cheese, a little pickle chips, a sauce, a special sauce. This is the food that sustains me, this is the food of my RORY: Oh my God, just eat the burger already! LORELAI: How crabby. RORY: I'm not crabby. LORELAI: I didn't even get through my special sauce speech. That's crabby. RORY: Sorry. LORELAI: Does your arm hurt? RORY: No, I'm just tired, I guess. LORELAI: All right. We won't stay very long. Just long enough to get five or six withering stares from my dad, and be taken down three or four notches by my mother, then we're outta there. [takes a bite of her burger] Ugh. RORY: Not good? LORELAI: Really not good! I swear, Luke better come back soon or I'm gonna starve to death. RORY: I'm sorry. LORELAI: For what? RORY: Luke's gone because of me. LORELAI: Oh, honey, he is not. RORY: Yes, he is. I got into an accident and then you guys had a fight. LORELAI: Rory, it isn't your fault. If it's anyone's fault. . . RORY: It's Jess' fault. LORELAI: Well, yes. RORY: Why does everyone in this town think that it is all Jess' fault? LORELAI: Hey, let's not talk about this, okay? RORY: I was there too, you know. LORELAI: Rory, everyone here loves you. They know you're not the get in an accident and knock over a bench' girl. RORY: I know that, and I appreciate that, but LORELAI: I want you to stop beating yourself up about this. It's over, Jess is gone. Let's forget about this, okay, please? RORY: Fine. LORELAI: Good. Hey, hand me that burger again. RORY: I thought you said it was bad. LORELAI: Hey, that burger may be a disgusting burger but at least it considers me its equal. Ugh. CUT TO RICHARD'S OFFICE [Lorelai and Rory walk into the crowded office] LORELAI: Oh geez. This is worse than the clowns in the Volkswagen. RORY: A lot of people. LORELAI: Yeah, do you want something to drink? I think we're three martinis behind everyone else. RORY: Just water, I guess. LORELAI: Coming up. [walks toward the drinks] Oh boy, I should've brought bread crumbs. Excuse me. EMILY: Lorelai, there you are. You're late. LORELAI: Well, you scheduled this beer bash during rush hour. EMILY: When traffic is leaving Hartford. LORELAI: Apparently not when Emily Gilmore is throwing a party. EMILY: It's wonderful, isn't it? Everyone showing up for your father. LORELAI: Yeah, Mom, but don't you ever think about scaling back a little? EMILY: I scaled back a lot. I cut two appetizers, I canceled the champagne fountain, and I reduced the catering staff to six servers, not counting the pointman. LORELAI: Well, you can't not have a pointman cause then what's the point? EMILY: If you make it look cheap, people will think you're unsuccessful. LORELAI: Absolutely right. Better to deprive them of oxygen so they don't have to think at all. EMILY: It is rather warm in here, isn't it? LORELAI: Yeah, do you want me to get the air going? EMILY: No, no, Karen knows how to do it. LORELAI: Karen? EMILY: Your father's new secretary. She's wonderful, very professional. [walks over to Karen] Karen, darling, would you mind turning on the air conditioning? [pan over to Richard and a man talking] RICHARD: No, I'll have Karen draw up the contracts today. That'll be in the morning. [The man walks away, Lorelai walks over] LORELAI: Hi Dad. RICHARD: Lorelai. LORELAI: Swell party. RICHARD: Uh, yes, it's mostly your mother's doing. LORELAI: So, um, what just went down there? RICHARD: Down where? LORELAI: Just now, the handshake with the man in the gray flannel suit did you score a deal? RICHARD: Well, one doesn't score deals in the insurance business, Lorelai. One builds relationships based on trust and fulfilling the client's needs. LORELAI: Sorry. RICHARD: Mr. Lundquist and I, uh, just were - LORELAI: Uh, Mr. Lundquist? RICHARD: Yes. LORELAI: Lundquist from Aero International? RICHARD: Yes. LORELAI: You bagged the Swede? RICHARD: Well, just as I didn't score the deal, I also haven't bagged the Swede. We simply talked, we came to an agreement, we shook hands. LORELAI: You shook hands, that means RICHARD: I'm sending him the contracts in the morning. LORELAI: Dad, that's big! RICHARD: Yes, I suppose it is big. LORELAI: That's gigantic! It's a whole new market for you. It opens up all of Scandinavia, doesn't it? RICHARD: Beyond that. Lundquist is his company's rep for Russia as well. LORELAI: Russia! RICHARD: Da! LORELAI: Look who's taking over the world. RICHARD: I suppose that would be me. LORELAI: I see that you hired Karen. RICHARD: Uh, yes, well, I had to get someone in here. LORELAI: She seems to be working out well. RICHARD: Well, she's no. . .Margie, but we'll see. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have several more deals to score now that I have finished bagging the Swede. [Richard walks away and Emily walks over] LORELAI: He's really in his element, isn't it? EMILY: And happier than he's been in years. Oh, there's Rory. I was wondering where she's what's that on her arm? LORELAI: Oh, I was gonna tell you about that. RORY: Hi Grandma. LORELAI: That is a cast. She hurt her arm. EMILY: When? How bad is it? RORY: I fractured my wrist. EMILY: Oh my God. LORELAI: It's just a hairline fracture. . .it's just tiny. EMILY: When did this happen? LORELAI: Um, last week. EMILY: Last week? Why didn't you call me? Last week, I can't believe you. LORELAI: Um, well, I meant to. EMILY: How did this happen? LORELAI: Bees. RORY: I got in a car accident. EMILY: What? LORELAI: Rory. RORY: I got in a car accident. EMILY: Oh my God, how could you not tell us that she got into a car accident? Is this why she missed dinner? You said she had the flu. LORELAI: I just didn't want you to worry, Mom. EMILY: Yes, well, clearly there was nothing to worry about. It was that car, wasn't it? The one her boyfriend made. Richard was dead set against letting her drive that death mobile. LORELAI: No, it wasn't the car, Mom. EMILY: Well, then what was it? RORY: A friend of mine and I went to get ice cream EMILY: A friend? Which friend Lane? RORY: Jess. EMILY: Jess? RORY: Luke's nephew. EMILY: Him? I thought you were going to keep that boy away from her. LORELAI: Mom, do we have to talk about this now? EMILY: Yes, we have to talk about this now. The child has a cast on her arm. I don't understand how you could've been so irresponsible. LORELAI: Mom, please. EMILY: Don't Mom, please' me. It was your responsibility to stop this, it was your responsibility to make sure that he did not RORY: I gave him the keys. I told him to drive. He wanted to drive back to Luke's and I said no. I wanted to keep on driving and that's when we got into the car accident. This is just as much my fault as it is his, maybe more. EMILY: Rory. LORELAI: I've got this, Mom. Can I see you in the hall for a second? [they walk into the hallway] Hey, what the hell was that? RORY: I'm sick of this. I'm sick of everyone treating me like I'm some kind of mindless idiot being led around by a guy. LORELAI: No one is treating you like that. RORY: Everyone is, the whole town is. . . Taylor, Babette, Dean. Everyone in my life, including you, is refusing to believe that I was just as responsible for what happened that night as Jess was. LORELAI: Really? Were you driving the car? RORY: No. LORELAI: Then you weren't as responsible. RORY: What if it'd been Dean, huh? What if Dean had been driving? Would everyone be assuming that it was his fault? LORELAI: No, because if Dean had been driving there wouldn't have been an accident because Dean is a much more responsible kid who loves you and would've been driving more responsibly. RORY: How do you know that Jess wasn't? LORELAI: Hi. . .it's Jess. RORY: Oh, right, Jess is the antichrist, I forgot. He wanted to get into an accident. He was looking for something to hit because he's a murderer with a death wish and he wanted to kill us both, right? LORELAI: I know you think that Jess is your friend, but he's not. He is a completely out of control, really angry kid who has no respect for Luke, who has no respect for me. . . RORY: It was an accident! LORELAI: And he was driving! RORY: So, what, no matter what I say, you're just gonna choose to blame Jess? LORELAI: Yes, I choose to blame Jess. RORY: Just because you hate him? LORELAI: That's right! I'm sorry, but when my daughter comes home broken I get to hate the guy who broke her. That's how it works. He's gone, I win. You are wearing a cast and I get to hate him forever! RORY: Fine! LORELAI: Fine! RORY: Fine! LORELAI: I just had this image of thirty-five businessmen, six servers, one pointman all leaning up against that wall with glasses to their ears. RORY: I don't think they needed the glasses. LORELAI: We've got good lungs, you and I. RORY: We're never gonna agree on this. LORELAI: You have to understand - RORY: I do. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: I don't wanna fight about this anymore. LORELAI: Neither do I. Do you wanna go back inside? RORY: No, I wanna go home. My wrist hurts and I'm grumpy and I just made a total idiot of myself in there so I just wanna go home. LORELAI: All right, well, I'll tell Mom, I'll drive you. RORY: No, it's okay. It's still early. I can catch my regular bus and. . .you go back in. LORELAI: Rory. RORY: I just want some alone time now. LORELAI: Are you sure? RORY: Yeah, I'll see you back at home. CUT TO SOPHIE'S MUSIC [Lane is staring at the drum set] SOPHIE: It's after six, we're closed. LANE: Five more minutes? SOPHIE: Nope, now. LANE: So, you're from New York, huh? SOPHIE: Yes, I am. LANE: I wanna go to New York someday. SOPHIE: Good for you. LANE: Did you like it there? SOPHIE: It was all right. LANE: What part of New York did you live in? SOPHIE: Okay, look, what's your name? LANE: Lane Kim. SOPHIE: Very nice to meet you, Lane Kim. Now you have got to get out of here because I am going to close and you are not going to schmooze me into forgetting that I am going to close. LANE: Wait? SOPHIE: What? LANE: I have to have those drums. SOPHIE: Great cash or credit? LANE: No, see, I have no money. Plus, even if I did have money there's no way I could take those home with me because my mother would never stop crying, so I have a proposal. SOPHIE: Uh huh. LANE: Twice a week, on Wednesday and Friday nights at six o'clock, I could come and practice here. SOPHIE: Wow, that sounds great. LANE: Now, I'm not expecting you to let me do this for free or anything. I'll clean or do inventory or stock stuff or whatever it is that you need done. SOPHIE: I don't need that much done. LANE: Well, then, I can do other things also, like, uh. . .oh, hey, do you know Korean? SOPHIE: No. LANE: Well, then I could teach you. SOPHIE: Why would I wanna learn Korean? LANE: Why wouldn't you? It's an interesting language, and being bilingual in this day and age can only be a plus. SOPHIE: Please, go home. LANE: I can't. I can't go home until you say yes. I have to rock, I have to! Please, I'm so begging you let me rock! SOPHIE: Why Wednesdays and Fridays? LANE: Because that's when my mom has her Bible group. SOPHIE: Okay, let's see what you got. LANE: Really? Oh my God, thank you! [sits down at the drum set] Can I hit them this time? SOPHIE: Go ahead. LANE: Yes! A one, two, three, four! [starts to play] SOPHIE: I'll be in the back in case the cops come. LANE: Oh, hey, do you mind turning off the lights on your way out? My mom sometimes walks home this way. [Sophie turns out the lights, and Lane starts playing again] CUT TO OUTSIDE [Rory walks down the street and sees Luke in front of the diner] RORY: Hey LUKE: Rory. RORY: You're back? LUKE: I'm back. RORY: You catch anything? LUKE: Nah. Apparently the fish went fishing also. RORY: Too bad. LUKE: Yeah, well. So that's the, uh. . . RORY: Yeah. LUKE: Does it hurt? RORY: No, not really. Just itches a little. LUKE: Yeah, I can imagine. Make sure you don't use a pencil. RORY: Excuse me? LUKE: Your arm. . . you know, when it itches. I broke my arm once itching drove me crazy. Grabbed a pencil, shoved it down the cast to scratch, ya know... RORY: Bad results? LUKE: Bad results. RORY: Got it. No pencils, I promise. LUKE: Good. So, you want some coffee? RORY: Sure. [they walk into the diner] LUKE: Where's your mom tonight? RORY: At a party for my Grandpa. LUKE: Oh, sounds nice. Grab yourself a donut. RORY: So, have you heard from him? LUKE: Oh, no. I talked to his mom, though. He got home okay. RORY: Good, that's good. LUKE: Yeah, good. RORY: What about his stuff? LUKE: Oh, I'm gonna send it. RORY: Right, makes sense. Luke? LUKE: Yeah? RORY: It wasn't his fault. LUKE: I know it wasn't.

Richard opens a new office and hires a secretary,named Karen, with Lorelai's help. Dean comes home with Rory sitting on his porch.She writes a note to Dean explaining what happened with her arm and the car that he made for her.Meanwhile,Lane falls in love with a drum set at the Stars Hollow's new music shop and discovers that becoming a rock drummer is her new dream in life. Rory is dismayed to discover that everyone blames Jess for the accident despite her protestations. To the consternation of all in Stars Hollow, Luke closes the diner and goes fishing.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_11x20

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_11x20_0

THE MONSTER OF PELADON BY: BRIAN HAYLES PART SIX 5:30pm - 5:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (SSKEL arrives at the refinery. He looks round and sees the fallen Ice Warrior on the floor. He then goes over to the door, aims his sonic gun and fires...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. REFINERY (The DOCTOR is still looking over the controls.) DOCTOR: Directional coordinates are here... (SARAH sniffs the air.) SARAH: Something's burning. (She looks round and sees a tiny pin-point of smoking red on the metal door.) SARAH: Doctor, look! [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. THRONE ROOM AZAXYR: It appears that the Doctor is indeed alive. But Sskel has him trapped...in the refinery. (THALIRA lowers her eyes at the inevitability.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (Two more Ice Warriors join SSKEL as he continues to blast at the metal door.) SSKEL: Help me. (They line up opposite the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. REFINERY (Within the refinery, the DOCTOR frantically re-sets the controls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (As the three Ice Warriors blast at the door, more and more of the metal melts away. A larger and larger hole is being created...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. REFINERY (SARAH and GEBEK run back from the door as smoke pours through the gaping hole and over to the DOCTOR.) SARAH: (Shouts.) Hurry, Doctor! There's a whole crowd of them out there now! GEBEK: (Shouts.) They'll be through any minute, Doctor! (Through the hole, the green form of the attacking Ice Warriors can be seen.) DOCTOR: Right, keep your fingers crossed - here goes. (SARAH literally crosses her fingers as the DOCTOR moves the two opposing levers and presses the main red switch. Across the room the statue vanishes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (The Ice Warriors swing round in alarm as the statue materialises in front of them. Its blast catches two of the Martians who vanish within a searing hot red glow. Stood slightly apart from them and therefore unaffected by the attack, SSKEL turns with surprising speed and runs down the tunnel away from the refinery. The image of the statue vanishes...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. REFINERY (...and rematerialises back in the refinery. SARAH is ecstatic...) SARAH: (Shouts.) It worked! You've done it, Doctor! ... ! GEBEK: (Shouts.) Congratulations, Doctor! They've all gone! (SARAH runs over looks through the melted hole in the door at the empty tunnel outside.) SARAH: Oh! DOCTOR: Right, we've got a chance to win now. Gebek, get back to the mines and rally your men. GEBEK: Oh, I can try, Doctor, but many of them have been killed. They think Aggedor's turned against them. DOCTOR: Well, we'll have to make them think differently, won't we? GEBEK: Well, how? DOCTOR: My dear chap, it's perfectly simple. Now all we have to do is to arrange a time and a place between us in advance. Then get all your men together... [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. THRONE ROOM (SSKEL reaches the throne room.) SSKEL: Commander Azaxyr... AZAXYR: Ah, Sskel. (Satisfied and confident, AZAXYR turns to the Queen.) AZAXYR: Your Majesty, the Doctor has been destroyed. SSKEL: No, he is still in the refinery. (AZAXYR swings round in disbelief.) AZAXYR: Alive?! (Hissing angrily, he approaches SSKEL.) AZAXYR: What happened? SSKEL: He used Aggedor as a weapon against us. AZAXYR: (Furiously.) I shall send more Ice Warriors! SSKEL: We cannot approach the area. The heat from the monster will destroy us. ECKERSLEY: (Confidently.) Don't worry, Commander. I'll get him out for you. I built that refinery. It's got one or two tricks the Doctor doesn't know about. Come on. (He walks out.) AZAXYR: (To SSKEL.) Guard them! (He follows ECKERSLEY.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MINE TUNNEL (GEBEK has reached his men and the guards, but...) MINER: How can we fight on, Gebek? Aggedor's turned against us. GEBEK: No, you are mistaken. MINER: He has slain us! He drove us into the guns of Azaxyr's warriors! (Several miners say "yes" in agreement.) GEBEK: (Shouts.) That was trickery by your enemies. Aggedor fights for us! (The miners start to jeer him.) GEBEK: Protects the people of Peladon as he has always done! Do you not believe me? MINER: No. (Other miners say "no".) GEBEK: (Shouts.) Then I will show you! (He steps up onto a shelf of rock and points into the air.) GEBEK: (Whispers.) Now...watch... (The miners turn and look towards where he points. But nothing happens. GEBEK looks up expectantly and waits.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. REFINERY (The DOCTOR counts down the seconds on his watch.) DOCTOR: Well I hope Gebek's timing's right. Just about...now, I think. (He pulls the two levers and presses the main switch.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The miners and guards are growing restive...) MINER: Well, Gebek? Why do we wait? GEBEK: Have patience! Have patience! (One miner is saying "come on!" when the electronic burbling sound that heralds the appearance of the "spirit" echoes through the tunnel.) GEBEK: Look! (The ghostly image of the royal beast appears. The observers crowd back in fear but GEBEK speaks warmly and walks toward the manifestation.) GEBEK: Do not be afraid. Aggedor will not harm us. He destroys only our enemies. (The image fades away and GEBEK turns to the men.) GEBEK: Now, lads, will you fight? (The miners and guards raise their arms, smile in delight and yell "yes!") [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (ECKERSLEY and AZAXYR watch this on one of the monitors in the communications room.) ECKERSLEY: Looks pretty nasty, doesn't it? AZAXYR: Don't worry. My warriors will soon destroy those primitives. ECKERSLEY: Not while those primitives have got Aggedor working for them. Time for a word with the Doctor, I think. (He turns a microphone towards himself and changes the image to that of the refinery. The DOCTOR is still sat at the console.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. REFINERY SARAH: Well, how did you know where to send it? DOCTOR: Oh, there are pre-set coordinates for almost everywhere. Eckersley's worked it out very well. ECKERSLEY: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Thanks for the compliment, Doctor. (The two look round.) SARAH: He...he must be in the communications room. ECKERSLEY: (OOV: Over tannoy.) That's right. You can't see me, but I can see you. DOCTOR: (Into tannoy.) Ah! Then you must know that I'm in complete control of Aggedor? So may I suggest that you give yourself up straight away? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM ECKERSLEY: (Into tannoy.) No, I admire you, Doctor, I really do. But you're the one who's gonna have to give himself up. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. REFINERY SARAH: What's he talking about? DOCTOR: Ah, he's just bluffing. ECKERSLEY: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Oh no, I'm not. Remember my little security system? It works inside as well as out. (The maelstrom of light and sound that SARAH experienced when she first came across the refinery starts up again but at a lower level than before. SARAH winces in pain and puts her hands to her head. The DOCTOR screws his eyes up a little but is otherwise unbothered.) ECKERSLEY: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Now that's just the lowest level, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM ECKERSLEY: (Into tannoy.) Surrender now, or I'll step it up. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. REFINERY DOCTOR: Sarah, get out of here, straight away. Warn Gebek - they're probably waiting for him. I'll try and help out with Aggedor. SARAH: Well, you can't mean to stay in here?! DOCTOR: Now this sort of nonsense doesn't worry me - you know that. SARAH: No, I can't leave you in here! DOCTOR: Sarah, please, go! (SARAH is unable to take the pain any more...) SARAH: Oh! (...and does as instructed while the DOCTOR starts to operate the equipment again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM ECKERSLEY: He won't be able to stand very much more of that. He'll surrender soon - or collapse. AZAXYR: Excellent. I shall go and prepare my warriors for the attack. (He leaves the communications room.) ECKERSLEY: (Into tannoy.) Well, Doctor? Escape with the girl while you've still got chance - and don't try sending Aggedor up here. The communication room is shielded. [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. REFINERY (The DOCTOR doesn't slow down his pace of operating the system.) DOCTOR: (Into tannoy.) Sorry, old chap, I can't stop and talk now. I'm rather busy. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (ECKERSLEY is almost admiring...) ECKERSLEY: Obstinate devil! (He adjusts the controls...) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. REFINERY (...and the swirling vortex of white lights grow stronger and more colourful. Their effect on the DOCTOR though seems negligible. He moves the two opposing levers ready of another transfer.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. TUNNEL (Away from the effect of the security system, SARAH runs at full pace down a tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. ANOTHER TUNNEL (Further along, SSKEL patrols a tunnel, walking back and forth between two archways. SARAH steps out but luckily the Ice Warrior's back is turned on her at that point. She hurriedly steps back into hiding. SSKEL walks towards where she is hidden behind one arch and then turns to walk forwards. SARAH silently steps out behind him and follows his pace. As he turns in his lumbering fashion to face the other way, she keeps behind his large bulk and is therefore able to go through the archway unseen and continue her journey.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. MINE TUNNEL (GEBEK leads the Peladonians down a mine tunnel. Suddenly he stops and gasps as an Ice Warrior steps out from behind a pit prop, his sonic weapon raised. The tunnel is suddenly filled with a monstrous roar and the Ice Warrior turns to see that the ghostly image of the transported statue looms over him. Its eyes light up, it spits out its heat ray and the Ice Warrior vanishes in a red glow.) GEBEK: Now do you believe that Aggedor is with us? (The miners and guards cheer.) GEBEK: Come on! (He leads them onwards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. TUNNEL (SARAH runs down another tunnel. She stops briefly to get her breath and then carries on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (ECKERLSEY watches the monitor with the view of the refinery. His face betrays his growing concern. A furious AZAXYR enters the room.) AZAXYR: The Doctor is still using Aggedor to attack in the mines! ECKERSLEY: I know. AZAXYR: My warriors are being destroyed! You must stop him! ECKERSLEY: (Into tannoy.) This is your last chance, Doctor. Surrender now or I'll step it up to maximum. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. REFINERY (The vortex of light continues...but so does the DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM ECKERSLEY: (Into tannoy.) Your brain will be totally destroyed. (ECKERSLEY presses several switches...) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. REFINERY (...and the maelstrom reaches a peak of intensity. The DOCTOR'S face shows the pain he is feeling but he struggles to complete his task.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM AZAXYR: He is still resisting. ECKERSLEY: It won't be long now. He'll keel over any minute. (SSKEL comes into the room.) SSKEL: Commander, the miners are almost at the citadel. AZAXYR: Keep up the pressure, Eckersley. I shall prepare an ambush. (He sweeps out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. REFINERY (The DOCTOR is now suffering badly under the effects of ECKERSLEY'S system.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. MINE TUNNEL (SARAH runs through one of the mine tunnels. She stops for a moment to get her bearings and then carries on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. TUNNEL (GEBEK, the miners and the guards get nearer to the citadel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. PASSAGE (Within the citadel, AZAXYR leads SSKEL and another Ice Warrior down one of the passages. He chooses a spot on one side of the passage and points to it.) AZAXYR: There. (The second Ice Warrior stands in the spot indicated. AZAXYR points to another point on the other side of the passage.) AZAXYR: There. (SSKEL moves into this position and AZAXYR moves to a point further down the passage nearer to the tapestry covering the secret entrance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. TUNNEL (GEBEK and his men reach the point in the tunnel which is the other side of this opening.) GEBEK: (Whispers.) Now, you understand? First we will make sure the Queen is safe, then we capture the aliens. And remember - Aggedor is with us! (There are whispered cries of "right!" from the men as GEBEK reaches for the torch bracket.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. ANOTHER TUNNEL (SARAH continues to make her own way towards the citadel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. TUNNEL (The door in the tunnel swings open and GEBEK signals to his men to follow him through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. PASSAGE (On the other side, GEBEK checks that the way ahead is clear and silently indicates for the others to follow. They fail to spot AZAXYR hidden behind a pillar and the MINER and the Guard Captain, now at the front, walk straight past him, then...) AZAXYR: Destroy them! (They spin round and see AZAXYR. As they turn back round, SSKEL steps out and blasts the two men down.) GEBEK: Back! Back! (GEBEK pulls the other men who have made it through the entrance back into the tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41: INT. REFINERY (As the assault on him continues, the DOCTOR, now in obvious discomfort, pulls the two levers and presses the main switch. The statue disappears...) [SCENE_BREAK] 42: INT. PASSAGE (...and reappears in the passage where it spits out its flame at SSKEL and the other Ice Warrior. They are both vapourised. AZAXYR runs off in alarm.) [SCENE_BREAK] 43: INT. TUNNEL (GEBEK has seen this through the curtain and yells to his men who are running back down the tunnel away from the citadel.) GEBEK: Come on! Aggedor fights for us! (The men cheer and run back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 44: INT. PASSAGE (They come through the entrance and see that the passage is now clear of the Martians.) GEBEK: On! On! (The men run towards the throne room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 45: INT. REFINERY (The effect on the DOCTOR of the attack reaches its peak. His head starts to judder and twitch. His face covered in sweat, he starts to fall slowly back in his chair and suddenly collapses with his head on the back rest. He is quite still.) [SCENE_BREAK] 46: INT. TUNNEL (SARAH reaches the entrance to the citadel which is still open from when GEBEK'S men passed through it. She takes the same route.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47: INT. PASSAGE (Within the citadel, she quickly comes across the bodies of the MINER and the guard. She sees a dropped Federation weapon on the floor next to the guard and picks it up. She carries on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (Despite the DOCTOR'S collapse, ECKERSLEY has not switched the security system off and he watches the swirling light and sound that surrounds the DOCTOR'S prone form on the monitor with a grin on his face. SARAH runs into the room with the gun pointed straight at ECKERSLEY.) SARAH: Turn it off! ECKERSLEY: You wouldn't use that. (He turns back to the screen.) SARAH: Wouldn't I? (She steps closer and speaks quietly and meaningfully.) SARAH: Turn that alarm off. ECKERSLEY: (Calmly.) Okay, okay. (He switches the system off and on the small monochrome monitor the haze of light around the DOCTOR'S head disappears.) ECKERSLEY: It's served its purpose anyway. The Doctor's dead. (SARAH keeps the gun pointed at him but hesitates.) SARAH: I don't believe you. ECKERSLEY: Well have a look. (SARAH circles round the back of him until he can see the monitor. She looks at the screen and instantly her attention is caught by the sight of the lifeless DOCTOR. ECKERSLEY is waiting his chance and twists her arm. He pushes her across the room, grabbing the gun from her grasp.) ECKERSLEY: I had a nice little scheme going until you two arrived! I ought to... (He raises the gun. SARAH looks down its barrel.) ECKERSLEY: Turn round! (SARAH does so.) ECKERSLEY: Put your hands up! (SARAH, her back turned to him, raises her hands and closes her eyes, awaiting the blast from the gun. Her eyes flicker open and closed in fright. There is a crack and SARAH cries out in fear. She looks round and sees that she is alone. The door is closed and the sound she heard was it being shut. She runs to it and pulls the handles but the doors remain fast.) SARAH: (Shouts.) Oh! Open this door! (She hammers on the doors.) SARAH: (Shouts.) Let me out! (She runs back to the monitor. The image displayed still shows an unmoving DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49: INT. PASSAGE (ECKERSLEY, the gun concealed behind his back, runs down a torch-lit citadel passage checking that he is not spotted at every step. He is about to go on when he stops, heads back slightly the way he came and then hides in an alcove. GEBEK, the miners and guards surge past him on their way to the throne room. After they have gone, ECKERSLEY comes out and moves down the passage but a straggling MINER runs towards him after his comrades. He stops when he sees the engineer.) MINER: Eckersley! Gebek has given orders for your capture. ECKERSLEY: Get out of my way. MINER: No, you are my prisoner. (He unsheathes his sword and points it.) ECKERSLEY: Sorry, chum. (ECKERSLEY pulls out the gun from behind his back and fires at the MINER. As the Peladonian falls, he runs past him.) ECKERSLEY: Got too much to do. [SCENE_BREAK] 50: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM (GEBEK and his men reach the throne room. They burst through the closed doors...) [SCENE_BREAK] 51: INT. THRONE ROOM (...and past ALPHA CENTAURI but stop in their tracks when they see AZAXYR with his sonic gun held up to the Queen who sits on her throne. SSKEL stands nearby.) AZAXYR: Surrender, Gebek. (AZAXYR turns the gun towards them.) AZAXYR: Tell your men to lay down their arms, or the Queen will die. (GEBEK hesitates and then gestures to the miners and guards who lay down their swords and Federation weapons. AZAXYR approaches GEBEK.) AZAXYR: Very sensible, Gebek. (GEBEK takes slow steps towards the Martian.) GEBEK: It seems we had no choice, Commander. (A guard takes a run at SSKEL as GEBEK and another guard attack AZAXYR. SSKEL throws his guard off and turns and blasts him with a sonic wave. The guard screams as he falls and SSKEL turns his weapon to defend his commander. However, AZAXYR is struggling with both his arms pinioned by the Peladonians. SSKEL hesitates not daring to fire. GEBEK has AZAXYR'S gun arm and pulls it up to face the Ice Warrior. He then presses the trigger and SSKEL is hit. AZAXYR continues to struggle with his attackers and manages to throw them off.) AZAXYR: Now that's enough! (He aims his gun at one dislodged guard who rushes back and stabs the Martian in the stomach. AZAXYR staggers on his feet, aiming his weapon at the Queen but death overtakes him and he falls to the floor. As some of the group rush to the fallen guard, GEBEK runs to the shaken Queen and takes her hand.) GEBEK: Are you harmed, your Majesty? THALIRA: No, Gebek. (She sits on the throne and looks over the battle.) THALIRA: Ambassador? ALPHA CENTAURI: Your Majesty? THALIRA: (Shaken.) I think you should try to contact the Federation as soon as possible...to inform them of our situation. ALPHA CENTAURI: At once, your Majesty. (ALPHA CENTAURI turns...) [SCENE_BREAK] 52: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM (...and scuttles out of the throne room away on the errand.) [SCENE_BREAK] 53: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (SARAH, still locked inside the communications room, lies with her head slumped down on the console.) [SCENE_BREAK] 54: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (ALPHA CENTAURI bustles towards the entrance of the room. He unlocks it and pushes the doors open.) [SCENE_BREAK] 55: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (CENTAURI moves swiftly in towards the communications console. He looks round as he does so and sees SARAH.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Sarah! I wondered where you'd got to. (He starts to activate the communications device.) ALPHA CENTAURI: (Brightly.) Good news! The Ice Warriors are defeated and Azaxyr is dead. (SARAH doesn't move.) SARAH: Fine. ALPHA CENTAURI: What's wrong? SARAH: Eckersley killed the Doctor. ALPHA CENTAURI: (Shocked.) What?! Are you are?! (He bustles towards her and SARAH raises a tear-stained face to look at the monitor image.) SARAH: Take a look. (The DOCTOR is still not moving.) SARAH: I'm going down there. (She hauls herself to her feet and walks out of the room as a shocked CENTAURI continues to look at the monitor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 56: INT. PASSAGE (A weary SARAH walks down towards the tapestry covered entrance to the tunnels and wearily activates the torch bracket device. She goes through the curtain.) [SCENE_BREAK] 57: INT. TUNNEL (On the other side of the entrance she reaches up to adjust the adjoining bracket but suddenly cannot be bothered. She heads into the tunnels leaving the entrance open.) [SCENE_BREAK] 58: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM (GEBEK and his men carry the casualties of the fight out of the throne room on stretchers. GEBEK himself and a guard carry AZAXYR'S corpse out. They walk past another tapestry which moves after they have gone, revealing ECKERLSEY concealed behind it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 59: INT. THRONE ROOM (THALIRA is left inside the throne room with ALPHA CENTAURI who has returned there. The Queen is mournful and shocked.) THALIRA: I find it hard to believe that Eckersley could do something so wicked. ALPHA CENTAURI: He had nothing to lose, your Majesty, and he's totally ruthless. We must not forget that he is still at liberty. (ECKERSLEY suddenly rushes in. His gun is pointed at the Queen who rises to her feet.) ECKERSLEY: Alright, your Majesty! You're coming with me! ALPHA CENTAURI: Eckersley! What is the purpose of this outrage?! ECKERSLEY: I've got a space shuttle hidden on the other side of the mountain. Her Majesty here is gonna be my safe conduct! ALPHA CENTAURI: I shall summon assistance. (Shouts.) Help! Guards! (ECKERLSEY turns and clubs CENTAURI on the back of the head as THALIRA rushes for the curtained secret entrance at the back of the throne room. As CENTAURI falls, crying out in pain, ECKERSLEY swings the gun back round on the Queen.) ECKERSLEY: Stay there, your Majesty! Don't move. (He approaches her and pulls back the curtain.) [SCENE_BREAK] 60: INT. TUNNEL BEHIND THRONE ROOM (He looks into the gloomy tunnel beyond.) ECKERSLEY: Yes...we'll go this way. (He pulls the scared Queen through by the hand and into the tunnel.) ECKERSLEY: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] 61: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (SARAH runs down the tunnel towards the refinery but, on its threshold, emotion takes over and her pace slows. Hugging herself she approaches the hole melted in the door by the Ice Warriors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 62: INT. REFINERY (Looking through, she sees that the DOCTOR'S position is still unchanged. He lies back in his chair with his face covered in a film of sweat. SARAH pushes open the door and slowly walks towards him. Her composure starts to break and a tear falls onto the DOCTOR'S face. His eyes shoot open and SARAH gasps as if in pain.) SARAH: Huh, ow! (As she looks down on him in a mixture of shock and surprise, he wipes the tear off his cheek and lifts his head up.) DOCTOR: Tears? (SARAH is stifling her sobs and surprise.) DOCTOR: Well anyone would think you thought I was dead. (He gets up out of the chair. SARAH starts to become defensive.) SARAH: Well...of course I did! You looked dead! DOCTOR: Well, even I couldn't stand the row from Eckersley's patent alarm system any longer, so I put myself into a complete sensory withdrawal. (SARAH'S mouth moves silently in her puzzlement, then...) SARAH: What? DOCTOR: Well, a sort of trance, I...shut myself off. SARAH: You did it on purpose? (Shouts furiously.) You mean I had all that worry for nothing?! DOCTOR: Well, don't sound so aggrieved. (He taps her chin and heads for the door.) DOCTOR: Anybody would think you preferred me dead. Come on, let's go and find the others. (A still angry SARAH follows him out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 63: INT. THRONE ROOM (ALPHA CENTAURI lies twitching and helpless on the floor of the throne room. Having deposited the bodies, GEBEK and his men come back. They rush to him.) GEBEK: Alpha Centauri! Well, what happened? (GEBEK looks at the empty throne.) GEBEK: Where is the Queen? [SCENE_BREAK] 64: INT. MINE TUNNEL (ECKERSLEY still grasps the struggling Queen by the wrist as he drags her down a mine tunnel.) ECKERSLEY: (Shouts.) This way, your Majesty! Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] 65: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM (The DOCTOR and SARAH walk towards and into the throne room...) [SCENE_BREAK] 66: INT. THRONE ROOM (...where ALPHA CENTAURI is being put back on his feet.) GEBEK: Doctor! Thank goodness you've come! Eckersley has kidnapped the Queen. DOCTOR: (Whispers.) What? [SCENE_BREAK] 67: INT. MINE TUNNEL (ECKERSLEY pulls the Queen with little ceremony along another tunnel.) ECKERSLEY: (Shouts.) Come on! Come on! THALIRA: (Shouts.) No! [SCENE_BREAK] 68: INT. THRONE ROOM (The DOCTOR looks through the curtain at the back of the throne room and into the passage beyond. He returns to the others.) DOCTOR: How well does Eckersley know these tunnels? ALPHA CENTAURI: (Sadly.) He made a most thorough survey when he first arrived. GEBEK: It won't be easy to find him, Doctor. The mountain's riddled with these tunnels. Even the miners don't know them all. SARAH: He must have quite a start on us too. ALPHA CENTAURI: (Sadly.) We could search for days and never find them. (The DOCTOR rubs his lip in thought.) DOCTOR: Yeah, well don't worry. I think I know a way we can track him down. (He stalks out of the throne room. SARAH and GEBEK look in puzzlement at each other and then they and GEBEK'S men follow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 69: INT. MINE TUNNEL (GEBEK continues to pull the Queen along.) ECKERSLEY: (Shouts.) Come on! Quickly! [SCENE_BREAK] 70: INT. ANOTHER MINE TUNNEL (He pulls her into a tunnel littered with the bodies of dead Ice Warriors and Peladonians.) ECKERSLEY: (Shouts.) Come on! (THALIRA pulls from his grasp and looks in horror at the corpses.) THALIRA: Look! Look what you've done! ECKERSLEY: Never mind. (He grabs her wrist again and pulls her onwards.) THALIRA: No! [SCENE_BREAK] 71: INT. ANOTHER MINE TUNNEL (Through an archway in the rock, AGGEDOR, freed from his pit, lumbers after escapee, followed by the DOCTOR, GEBEK, SARAH and the other Peladonians.) [SCENE_BREAK] 72: INT. TUNNEL FORK (ECKERSLEY drags THALIRA past several side passages...) [SCENE_BREAK] 73: INT. TUNNEL END (...and into the end of the tunnel. It leads nowhere. THALIRA smiles in satisfaction.) THALIRA: We're trapped. [SCENE_BREAK] 74: INT. TUNNEL FORK (Nearby, AGGEDOR and the others approach.) [SCENE_BREAK] 75: INT. TUNNEL END ECKERSLEY: We've come clear through the mountain. My spaceship...is just on the other side. THALIRA: (Shouts.) Well then go! We'll be well rid of you! (She tries to pull her arm out of ECKERSLEY'S grasp but fails.) ECKERSLEY: I still need you for a hostage! Come on! (He pulls her back down towards a small side tunnel when a voice rings out.) DOCTOR: Don't move, Eckersley! (They stop. The DOCTOR walks into view with a gentle hand on AGGEDOR.) ECKERSLEY: So that's how you found me. DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Aggedor may be getting on a bit but he can still sniff out a trail. I'm sorry, old chap, but it's all over. ECKERSLEY: No...unless you want a new ruler on Peladon, you'll stand still. (THALIRA suddenly bites his holding hand. ECKERSLEY cries out in pain and is forced to let go. The DOCTOR pushes AGGEDOR forward.) DOCTOR: Get him! (AGGEDOR lumbers at ECKERSLEY and grabs him. Man and beast swing round in a deadly embrace as ECKERSLEY tries to aim his blaster at the roaring AGGEDOR.) ECKERSLEY: (Shouts.) Help me! Help me! Help me, Doctor! (ECKERSLEY gets an aim and fires. A blue flash illuminates the tunnel and AGGEDOR cries out in pain. Both he and ECKERSLEY fall to the floor at the same time. The DOCTOR runs forward and examines first the engineer and then the animal. He looks up at a saddened Queen and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 76: INT. THRONE ROOM (The DOCTOR and SARAH are before the smiles Queen who is stood on the steps of the throne.) THALIRA: Once again, Peladon owes you a great debt, Doctor - just as in my father's time. But this time, I hope that you'll stay long enough for us to show our gratitude. DOCTOR: Yes, well, as a matter of fact, your Majesty, I... THALIRA: (Interrupts.) I shall want your help and your advice , Doctor. SARAH: Oh, your Majesty! You stood up to Ortron and to Azaxyr and the Ice Warriors - you don't need anyone's help. THALIRA: (To the DOCTOR.) I shall be needing a new chancellor. I had hoped that you might stay. DOCTOR: Well, I know just the man, your Majesty - Gebek. (THALIRA looks shocked at the suggestion. She recovers her composure and smiles.) THALIRA: We have the greatest admiration for Gebek...but he has no title. He's only a miner. SARAH: There's nothing "only" about being a miner, your Majesty, anymore there was about being a girl. (THALIRA smiles at the reminder.) DOCTOR: It's the man that counts, your Majesty. You can always give him a title. THALIRA: It seems that all I can give you is my thanks. DOCTOR: Well, I shall always be grateful for the honour, your Majesty. But I'm quite certain that Gebek is the right man. (ALPHA CENTAURI bursts into the room in excitement and bows.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Your Majesty! THALIRA: Ambassador? ALPHA CENTAURI: I have just heard from Federation HQ. The war is over! Once Eckersley and Azaxyr's scheme had failed, Galaxy Five became most anxious to negotiate a peace treaty. DOCTOR: Well, that's splendid news, splendid! (GEBEK comes in and salutes the Queen.) GEBEK: Excuse me, your Majesty. (He turns to the DOCTOR.) GEBEK: Er, Doctor, that blue box you were asking about. DOCTOR: Yes? GEBEK: We've found it. In the, er third gallery off the main cavern. DOCTOR: Thank you, Gebek. Thank you very much. I'll go and check on it straight away. (He turns back to the Queen and gives a short bow.) DOCTOR: Oh, with your Majesty's permission? THALIRA: Of course, Doctor. (He heads for the door with SARAH. THALIRA looks troubled at what she knows is a parting.) THALIRA: Goodbye, Doctor! (The DOCTOR and SARAH stop in their tracks. They look at each other with a smile. They turn and bow to the Queen and then, with a smile at CENTAURI, walk from the room. THALIRA takes her place on the throne.) THALIRA: Gebek? GEBEK: (Puzzled.) Your Majesty? (The new and as yet unaware Chancellor approaches the throne.) [SCENE_BREAK] 77: INT. TUNNEL (The TARDIS still stands in the tunnel where the DOCTOR and SARAH left it. They approach its Police Box exterior. As the DOCTOR unlocks the door, SARAH adopts a teasing tone...) SARAH: You're sure you don't want to stay and take the job, Doctor? Civil service post, with a pension? (The DOCTOR purses his lips and turns stony-faced to his young companion.) DOCTOR: In you get, Sarah. I think it's time I took you home. SARAH: I mean, I'd hate to stand in the way of your career! (He grabs her right ear and pulls her towards the door.) DOCTOR: (Meaningfully.) In...you...go! (SARAH laughs as she enters. The DOCTOR smiles on the threshold and follows her. With its familiar sound echoing through the torch-lit tunnel, the TARDIS takes its leave of Peladon.)

The Doctor turns the Aggedor spirit against the Ice Warriors to aid the Peladonians in their battle but Eckersley attacks him with the security system.

fd_FRIENDS_09x03

fd_FRIENDS_09x03_0

[SCENE: Chandler and Monica's apartment] (Ross and Rachel enter) Rachel: Hi! Ross: Hey! So what's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for? Chandler: Okay, our news. My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa , so as of Monday I'm being officially relocated. Ross: Oh my God! Phoebe: What?! Rachel: What?! Ross: Monday?! Joey: How long do you have to go for? Chandler: They said it could be up to a year. Joey: A year?! Rachel: (To Monica) Do you have to go? Monica: I kind of have to don't I? Because of this stupid thing (Points to her wedding ring.) Chandler: There is nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh? Joey: Wait a minute, you can't go to Tulsa. Maybe you forgot, but we've got tickets to the Jets game next week. Chandler: I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it. Joey: We were gonna go see the Jets! Ross: You can't go, I mean you're the glue that holds this group together! Chandler: Really? Ross: Not you. Joey: I can't believe you guys are moving. Phoebe: I call their apartment!!! Everyone: No!!! Ah!! Ahh!!! [INTRO] [SCENE: Central Perk] Joey: Here you are (Hands Rachel a cup of coffee) Rachel: Thank you Joey. You know what? I'm not even sure I can have caffeine. Ross: I went thru this with Ben and Carol. One cup of coffee won't affect your milk. Rachel: Yeah. Just to be sure I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener. Joey: (Laughs) Rachel: Every time? (She takes up her cell phone and starts dialing.) Joey: Uhuh. Ross: Rach, you don't have to call whenever you have a little question, okay? Trust me, I know this. Rachel: All right, I trust you. (Continues to dial) Ross: Rachel, I can see you dialing! I don't understand why... Rachel: I'm on the phone! (On the phone) Dr. Wiener? (Ross and Rachel walk away) Joey: (Laughs) Phoebe: It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby. It's just so grown up. Joey: I know, yeah. I feel like we're all growing up. Person named Wiener, God that kills me. (Laughs) Phoebe: Look at you all grown up. Joey: Actually, you know what? I am. That whole thing with Rachel made me realize that maybe I'm ready for a more serious relationship. You know? Like I'd like to meet a nice mature commitment-minded lady. And looks aren't as important as...Nah, she's gotta be hot. Phoebe: You know, I might know somebody. Hey, how about you set me up with someone, and we double date! Joey: I can do that, yeah. How is Friday? Phoebe: Done. Oh good, really? Joey: Yeah! Phoebe: Let's see! (Opens her address book.) Oh, you know who's great? Sandy Poophack. Joey: (Laughs) Poophack... (Laughs) Phoebe: Yeah... All right, well that rules out Lana Titweiller Joey: (Laughs) [SCENE: Chandler and Monica's apartment] Chandler: (Enters) Hey! Monica: Hey! Chandler: I've got good news! Monica: You got out of the whole Tulsa thing? Chandler: Okay, I have news. You don't have to move to Tulsa. You can stay here and keep your job. Monica: It's great! How? Chandler. Well my boss and I worked out a deal where I only have to be in Tulsa four days a week, so the other three I can be here with you. Monica: So you're gonna be gone four days a week? (Thinks about it.) No. Chandler: I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that? Monica: No. I can't be away from you for that long. Chandler: Really? Monica: Yeah, you're my husband. I'm not gonna live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year. Chandler: That's fast math! We could use you in Tulsa. Monica: Honey, thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you're going to Tulsa, I wanna go with you. Chandler: Hey, you said that without gagging! Monica: I know! (They high-five.) [SCENE: Ross and Rachel's apartment] Rachel: (On the phone) Excuse me? Oh yeah? Well, up yours too! (Hangs up) Ross: (Enters from his bedroom)Who the hell was that?! Rachel: Dr. Wiener. Ross: Rach, you can't call people at three in the morning. Rachel: Oh you know what, you sound just like his wife! Ross: Was there anything you did wrong with Emma? Rachel: Yes, of course there is! Okay? I'm not insane! Ross: Well, what was it? Rachel: Hiccups. Ross: Rach, I told you, you can't call him every time any little thing comes up. Rachel: Yeah well, not anymore I can't. He fired us! What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician. Wait wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up, you really liked your doctor. What was his name? Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah I know, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead. Rachel: Argh! Why does everything happen to me?! Ross: Rach, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor, but I gotta get up early and I'm not feeling all that well. Rachel: What? What, do you mean you're not feeling well? What do you have? Is it Rubella? Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot. Ross: You know? Come to think of it, it does feel Rubella-like! (Walks back into his room.) Rachel: (Grabs the phone and stars dialing) (On phone) (In a high pitch voice) Wiener, Wiener (In a low pitch voice) Wiener, Wiener!!! Ross: (Comes back into the living room) Rachel!!! Rachel: Great! Now he's gonna know it was me! [SCENE: Joey's apartment] Phoebe: (Enters) Hey! Joey: Hey! Phoebe: So how is this for our big double date tonight? (She is all dressed up) Joey: (Realizes that he has forgotten all about the double date) Oh my God! Phoebe: Ooh, great! Just the reaction I was hoping for. Joey: Yeah, so you found someone for me. You didn't forget? Phoebe: Of course not! And you're gonna love Mary Ellen. She's really smart and cute and funny, and I can't tell you how I know this, but she' not opposed to threesomes. So tell me some about my guy. Joey: No. Phoebe: Come on, give me something. What's his name? Joey: Mike. Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name? Joey: Damnit! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore!? Phoebe: All right, we'll se you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours. Joey and Phoebe: (Ad-lib good-byes) (Phoebe leaves) Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... (Looks through his address book) There's no guy in there! [SCENE: Chandler and Monica's apartment] Rachel: It's impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their pen1s against your knee? Monica: Excuse me? Chandler: I know what she's talking about. Rachel: We've got to find a new pediatrician. Ross was getting sick last night, and I think Emma may have caught it. Monica: Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman? Rachel: Ross said he died. Monica: He didn't die. I saw his daughter last week. Said he was fine. Her on the other hand, botched Botox. Rachel: Oh, great! Well, then I'm gonna take Emma to see him. I wonder why Ross said that he died. Monica: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist. Chandler: He saw a therapist? Monica: Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare, just really freaked him out. Rachel: Why? What was it? Monica: That I was going to eat him. [SCENE: Central Perk] (Joey walks in and looks around. He's trying to find a Mike for Phoebe) Joey: MIKE!!! Mike: Yeah? Joey: (Checks him out) Okay! (Walks over to his table and sits down with him) [SCENE: Restaurant] Mike: I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you. Although I did just get out of a nine-year relationship, so I guess I should be open and taking some risks. Joey: Everything is gonna be fine. Just follow my lead, okay? All you have to do is pretend to be Mike. Mike: I am Mike. Joey: Atta boy! (Phoebe and Mary Ellen enter.) Joey: Okay, look... Everyone: (Ad-lib hellos) Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway? Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that. Joey: (Laughs) From school. Mike: Yeah, we met in college. (Off Joey's look) I mean, high school. Phoebe: Wow, you guys go way back then. So what are you up to these days? Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer. Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'! Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice. Joey: What? That's the kinda thing you usually run by me. Mike: I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will. Phoebe: Wow, that's great! I liked that better than the law thing, so... Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike. Mary Ellen: I thought you thought he was still a lawyer. Joey: No, no, that's not what I meant. Let's get you a cocktail. [SCENE: Chandler and Monica's apartment] (Monica Enters. Chandler is in the kitchen with his laptop) Monica: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Monica: What are you doing? Chandler: Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa. Monica: That's so sweet. Find anything? Chandler: Slim Pickings. Monica: Nothing, huh? Chandler: No, 'Slim Pickings', it's a barbecue restaurant. They're looking for a cook. Actually 'cook' may be a bit of a stretch. They're looking for someone to shovel mesquite. Monica: 'Slim Pickings'...That is so cheesy. Chandler: 'So Cheesy' also has an opening. Monica: Honey, that's okay. I actually know this woman, Nancy, who's a restaurant biz head-hunter. Maybe she'll know of something. Chandler: Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me. When we get to Tulsa I'm taking you for a great dinner at 'Slim Pickings'. 'So Cheesy'? 'Whole Hog'? It's going to be tough to keep Kosher in Tulsa. Monica: (On phone) Hi, Nancy. Hi, it's Monica Geller. I'm good. Listen, I'm looking for a job in Tulsa. Well yeah, my husband has been relocated...Because I love him! No, I don't want a job in New York. Javo (sp?) is looking? Oh my God! He asked for me personally? Oh my God! Oh, wow, this is really flattering, but I'm moving to Tulsa. Yeah, so if you would tell Javo (sp?) 'I'll take it!' [SCENE: Pediatrician's office] Rachel: Hi, my name is Rachel Green, I have an appointment for Emma. Receptionist: Dr. Gettleman is finishing up with a patient, he should be out shortly. Dr. Gettleman: (To a patient) I think you just have a cold, it's definitely not Strep. Ross: Thanks doctor. Dr. Gettleman: Would you like a lollypop? Ross: You even have to ask?! (He grabs a lollypop out of a jar) (Sees Rachel) (To Rachel) He is alive! [SCENE: Restaurant] Phoebe: You know, it's so surprising that you and Joey have known each other for so long and I've never heard about you. Joey: Yeah, that's because we had a bit of a falling out. Mike hit my mom with a car. Mike: No, I didn't. Joey: That's okay Mike, I have forgiven you. And now we're friends again everything's great! Mary Ellen Wait, is your mom okay? Joey: Please, we're trying to have a conversation. (Pushes the wine glass closer to Mary Ellen.) Mary Ellen: Wow, you're a lot nicer on 'Days of Our Lives'. Mike: 'Days of Our Lives'! That's why you look so familiar! Phoebe: What?! Mike: What?! Joey: What?! Phoebe: Do you not know each other? Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?! Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have? Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six! Joey: What are you doing? I said seven! (Holds up six fingers.) (Realizes his mistake) Argh!!! Phoebe: Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger? Joey: Because I forgot about our date, I'm so sorry. Mike: I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car. Phoebe: (To Joey) You are unbelievable! I spent so much time finding the perfect girl for you, you know. Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose. Mary Ellen: Hey! Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating! Joey: Look Phoebe I'm so sorry! Hey, look, if you don't like this guy I can find you a better one. (Looks around) Mike!! Mike!! Phoebe: I'm out of here (She leaves) Mike: It was nice meeting you! Joey: (To Mary Ellen) You're leaving too? Mary Ellen: I'll stay if you can tell me my name. Joey: Good night! [SCENE_BREAK] [SCENE: Chandler and Monica's apartment] Chandler: Honey, we're leaving tomorrow you've still got a lot of packing to do. Monica: You're right. (Pause) Maybe I shouldn't go. Chandler: What? Monica: So Nancy told me about this job at this great restaurant, Javo (sp?). It's just a little outside of Tulsa. Chandler: How far outside? Monica: Manhattan. Chandler: And you're thinking of taking it? (Pause) So before you said being me with me was more important than any job, but I guess now it's old job, (Raises his hand) me, (Raises his hand) new job. Monica: I'm gonna miss this hand! Okay I know it's a lot to ask, but oh my God Chandler, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Chandler: What happened to 'you can't live without me four days a week'? Monica: Well, if you really think about it, I mean four days is not that long. I mean, I see you Monday before you go to work, and I see you Thursday when you get back, and I always work late on Tuesdays, so really if you think about it, it's really just one day. And well, if we can't make it one day, we've got real problems my friend. Chandler: I think you should take the job. Monica: Really? Chandler: Yeah. I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey. Monica: That's the nicest anyone has ever said to me! (Ross and Rachel enter with Emma.) Ross: Hey! Monica: How was the pediatrician? Rachel: Oh, I really liked him. (Looks at Ross) Yeah, it was really, really, really good. Ross: You promised you wouldn't say anything. Rachel: I know. (Pause) Ross still sees his pediatrician!!! (To Ross) I don't care! Monica: Are you serious? You still see Dr. Gettleman? Ross: He's a brilliant diagnostician! Chandler: Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer? Rachel: Ross, seriously! You've gotta go to an appropriate doctor. Ross: Why? Why? I know it's a little weird, but hey, he's a great doctor, okay? He knows my medical history, and every time I go in there, he makes a big deal. 'Ah look, it's my favorite patient!' Chandler: Does he say that before he sticks his thermometer in your touchy? Ross: Hey, I seem to remember someone bringing his security blanket to college! Chandler: That was not a security blanket! That was a wall-hanging! Ross: It didn't spend much time on the wall!!! [SCENE: Central Perk] Mike: Excuse me, hi. I was hoping I would run into you. Can we talk? Phoebe: Sure. Mike: I'm sorry, really, I'm so embarrassed. Really, I'm a pretty nice guy. Just ask my parole officer...Apparently I'm not a funny guy. Phoebe: Why did you go along with that? Mike: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did. Phoebe: That's true. (Pause) Well, is anything you told me about yourself true? Mike: My name in Mike, and I do play piano. Phoebe: Prove it. Mike: There isn't a piano here. Phoebe: That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist. Mike: (Plays 'air piano') Phoebe: You are really good! I play a little guitar myself. Mike: Really? Phoebe: Uhuh. Mike: That's great. What kind of music do you play? Phoebe: Well, like acoustic folksy stuff. You know? But right now I'm working on a couple 'Iron Maiden' covers. Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could... Phoebe: It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out. Mike: Okay. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out? Joey: (Walks In) Phoebe: (To Mike) Oh, you just caught me off guard! Yeah, that would be nice. Joey: Look at this. My two best friends! (Phoebe and Mike look at him, and he goes over to the counter.) [SCENE: Pediatrician's office] Ross: Excuse me, I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me. Receptionist: The doctor will be right with you sir. Girl: (Reading a book) Mommy, I can't find Waldo. Ross: With the circus? He's behind the elephant. Woman: Wow, so your child is a big fan of the Waldo books too? Ross: Yeah, that's how I know. I'm Ross by the way. Sally: Hi, I'm Sally. So, no ring. Can I assume you are also a single parent? Ross: I am a single parent. Sally: It's hard isn't it? There's almost no time for a social life. I mean, where are you gonna meet someone? Ross: Well, let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office. Nurse: (To Ross) Rossy, we're ready for you. Ross: Hmm, yeah. (To a random boy in the waiting room) Come on Ross jr. It's time to go in. Boy: Mommy (He walks over to Sally.) Girl: Mommy, what's wrong with that man? Ross: Hey, I helped you find Waldo! [SCENE: Chandler and Monica's apartment] Ross: (Enters) Oh good, you haven't left yet. Monica: Where have you been? Ross: I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office. There was some guy that freaked everybody out. Chandler: Well, you got here just in time. I really have to go buddy. (They hug) Ross: Oh man. Monica: Promise to call me when you land. Chandler: Of course I will call you. I love you. Monica: I love you too. (They kiss) Rachel: Okay, wow, wow, wow. Watch the tongue people, we've got a baby over here. Phoebe: Bye Chandler. Chandler: Awww. (They hug) Bye! Rachel: Bye honey. (They hug) Chandler: (Tries to hug Joey but J. moves away) What's the matter Joe? Joey: I'm mad at you for leaving! You're nothing but a big leaver. Big leaver with a stupid suitcase. Chandler: Any chance you are trying to pick a fight to make all this easier? Joey: Dude, you see right thru me!! (They hug) (Joey heads for the door and pushes Chandler's suitcase on the way out.) Chandler: Well, bye Mon, bye Ross, Rachel, bye Emma! Phoebe: Okay, bye-bye! (Pushes Chandler out the door.) Good trip! (Slams the door) Monica: (Runs out to the hallway) Chandler, wait. It goes: Old job, (Raises her hand) new job, (Raises her hand really high) you. This is just something I have to do. Chandler: I know. Monica: I love you so much. Chandler: I know that too. (They kiss) (Joey opens the door and takes Chandler's suitcase into his own apartment.) [SCENE: Airport] Chandler: (On cell phone) Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Yes it will be the same. Because I know, that's how. I promise. CUT TO: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey: (On the phone with Chandler) Double promise? Call me when you land. Monica: Can I talk now? Joey: Okay, bye. (He hangs up the phone.) Monica: Joey? Joey: He had to board.

Monica is offered a great job in New York City and Chandler, unable to get out of moving to Tulsa, is forced to commute back and forth between the two cities. Phoebe and Joey set each other up on blind dates. Joey finds a complete stranger named Mike ( Paul Rudd ) for Phoebe's date. Rachel's pediatrician, Dr. Weiner, drops her due to her obsessive phone calls. She then takes Emma to Dr. Gettleman, Ross and Monica's pediatrician as children, but learns that Ross is still his patient.

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[Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe is laying on a couch and Paige is standing in front of a pin board with all bits and pieces pinned to it.] Paige: Come on, I know we can figure this out. Phoebe: You've been saying that for three weeks now. Paige: Lady, can I get a little help over here, please? Phoebe: Okay, but you don't have to yell at me, I feel bad enough as it is. Paige: Look, it's not your fault that the demon is one step ahead of us. Phoebe: Yeah, but if I hadn't lost my powers, we would have found him by now. Paige: Well, you did, so we just have to keep doing what we're doing. Phoebe: You mean what you've been doing, which is pretty much everything around here. You're like the last sister standing. I don't know how you're doing it. Paige: I've just been taking lots of naps. Phoebe: Yeah, I've noticed. (Phoebe stands up.) You know, part of me just thinks we should let him do his thing, you know. I mean, a demon killing other demons. Is that so bad? Paige: Well, it is when we don't know who it is or why they're doing it. You know, it could be some sort of power base coming along to take us on. Phoebe: Yeah. Should we get Piper out of magic school? Paige: No, she's safe there, she stays. Phoebe: There's just no rhyme or reason to his attacks, you know. They're just wacky. Paige: My gut says he's gonna go after the Smoker demons tonight. Phoebe: Why? Paige: Because Mercury is in retrograde and that is when they surface. Phoebe: That's an interesting theory. Paige: Yeah, well, all I know is that the sooner we nail this guy, the sooner I get back to my naps. [Scene: Church. A Father is there. Two Smoker demons appear in the room. Then two blonde women wearing skimpy leather outfits appear in front of them. They each throw a potion at the Smoker demons and vanquish them.] Father: Dear god. Woman: Not quite. Guess again. Run! (The Father runs away.) Woman #2: Potions worked pretty well. But I still don't know why we didn't use it on the old man instead. Woman: Because we were told not to. Now let's get out of here before... (Phoebe and Paige orb in.) They show up. Paige: Nuns? (The women pull out throwing star weapons.) Phoebe: I don't think so. (One of the women throws the star at Paige and Paige orbs out. The other woman throws the star at Phoebe and she dives onto the floor. Paige orbs back in. They throw another weapon.) Paige: Weapon thingy! (The weapon orbs back to Woman #1 and vanquishes her. Woman #2 disappears. Paige helps Phoebe up.) Phoebe: Thanks for saving my life again. Paige: Yeah, no problem. Uh, well, at least we got a good look at who's behind this. And better yet... (She picks up a star weapon.) A clue to find them. Phoebe: Yeah, they've gotta be working for someone else. What powerful demons do you know that would dress that tacky? Paige: Good point. Uh, I'll go check the Book of Shadows. Phoebe: No, you've done enough already. I wanna do it. You just go home and relax, take a load off. Paige: Okay, if you insist. I think I will. [Scene: Manor. Paige's room. Paige walks in.] Paige: Candles! (Three candles orb in on the floor. She lights them.) "A perfect man I summon now, another way I don't know how, bring him now into the light, come back to me, Mr. Right." (A good-looking guy appears in a swirl of bright lights.) Welcome back. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is there sitting at a table. She reads from a notepad.] Phoebe: "Dear Sad in San Jose. Try viagra." (Phoebe scrunches up the piece of paper and throws it over her shoulder. She buries her head in her arms. Leo walks in.) Leo: Long night? Phoebe: Leo! Yeah, hey, I'm just working on trying to find that mystery demon, trying to come up with some summoning spells. Leo: Any luck? Phoebe: No, but I gave that thing that they threw at us to Chris, hoping he could get a lead with the underworld contacts, you know. (Leo picks up the scrunched piece of paper and reads it.) Leo: "Dear Sad in San Jose, if your husband is impotent, try a cold shower." Nice spell. Phoebe: Give me that. Don't ask. Leo: I'm asking. What's the matter? Phoebe: I don't know, I just feel like I can't do anything anymore. And I'm beginning to think that maybe I relied on my powers more than I realised. Leo: Your advice comes from your heart, not from your powers. Besides, you were an advice columnist long before you were an empath. Phoebe: Yeah, and before that I was a witch, and before that, I don't remember what the hell I was. And I'm afraid I'm right back to where I started again. Leo: Just because you don't have your active power anymore, doesn't mean you're not a witch. You can still write spells, make potions, kick ass. You'll find your way again, you just have to be patient. Phoebe: You promise? Leo: I promise. And it wouldn't hurt to rely on Paige for a while. She relied on you for years. Where is she, by the way? Phoebe: She's sleeping, and don't wake her, she's exhausted. She was tossing and turning all night last night. [Cut to Paige's room. Paige and Mr. Right are laying in bed.] Paige: Shh, shh, shh. Quiet. When my sisters find out they'll... Mr. Right: Kill you? I know, don't worry. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Leo are there.] Leo: What did the throwing thing look like? Phoebe: It's not in the book, I checked. Besides, I really wanna do this without your help, okay? Leo: Well, I came down here to help, remember? At least until the baby's born. Phoebe: Yeah, and what's gonna happen after the baby's born? Leo: What do you mean? Phoebe: Between you and Piper. Have you guys even discussed it? Leo: Uh, not exactly. Okay, not at all. It's just things keep getting in the way. Phoebe: Well, Leo, you can't just get the woman pregnant and then pretend like nothing happened. Leo: I'm not, okay. It's just, it's complicated. Phoebe: Yeah, but it's not gonna get any less complicated after Chris is born. (Chris orbs in.) Chris: You talking about me? Phoebe: No, your foetus. Did you find something? Chris: Not something, someone. Demonatrix. Phoebe: Chris, what you do in your spare time... Chris: The weapon you found belongs to a group of deadly assassins known as demon... atrix. Phoebe: Ohh. Leo: Did you find out who they work for? Chris: No, but, Leo, check this... Phoebe: Dad. Would it kill you to call him dad? Chris: Apparently, this demon gives his assassins vanquishing potions. Charmed Ones vanquishing potions. Phoebe: What? How is that possible? Chris: The book? Leo: No, they wouldn't be able to get near it. Chris: Well, then how? Leo: Well, one of them must be reading your minds, like the telepath did at magic school. Phoebe: Magic school. Chris: Mum. I'd better go check on her. Leo: No, we'll go. You get underground, see if you can follow the assassins to the demon. Chris: But... Leo: No, we'll take care of it. We'll make sure nothing happens to her, Chris, I promise. (Chris orbs out.) Phoebe: I'll go wake up Paige. [Cut to Paige's room. Paige and Mr. Right are sitting on the bed kissing. There's a knock at the door.] Paige: Uh, just a minute. (Paige pushes Mr. Right off the bed. Phoebe opens the door.) Phoebe: Sweetie, sorry to wake you up. Paige: Oh, no, I'm fine. I'm fine, yeah, I'm up. Phoebe: Leo and I are gonna go to magic school and check on Piper. Paige: Is she okay? Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, she's fine. She's fine, don't worry about her. We'll let you know if we need you. We'll call you, okay? Paige: Okay. Phoebe: Okay, go back to bed. (Phoebe closes the door. Mr. Right pops up from behind the bed.) Mr. Right: My thoughts exactly. (He jumps on the bed.) Paige: Uh, I really, really do have to go. Mr. Right: She said not to worry about it, so don't. Paige: I can't help it. Mr. Right: Yes, you can. That's why you made me, to focus on yourself for once. Paige: But I still have responsibilities. Mr. Right: Yes, to yourself as well. To your raison d'etre. Which if you keep ignoring, you're gonna be useless to your sisters. (He gives her a kiss.) Paige: I think I made you too many pheromones. Mr. Right: No, you made me to understand you, to pamper you, to fill your every neglected need. Paige: Yeah, but what I really need is... Mr. Right: A vacation. Driving through Tuscany... topless. Paige: Topless? Mr. Right: Not you, the Porsche. With the wind in your hair, the sun in your face, free, unburdened, loved. Paige: Okay, keep going. Mr. Right: Someday, I promise, I'll take you away from all this. But right now, you need to eat. (He waves his hand and a tray full of food and drink appears on the bed.) Paige: Wow. Mr. Right: Voila! Just the way you like it. Paige: Wait a second, you can do magic? Mr. Right: I can do everything you made me do, remember? Paige: Well, then, don't mind if I do. [Scene: Vincent's Lair. A Mr. Right look-a-like, Vincent, is there along with a dozen Demonatrix.] Vincent: Three weeks ago, I came to you, and what did I say? (He pulls on one of the girl's hair.) What was the first thing I told you? Anyone? Let me remind you. Trust me, trust in me and my raison d'etre. But one of you did not. I specifically told you the Smoker demons would make their move when mercury was in retrograde. And I told you the sisters would figure that out! Demonatrix #2: I'm sorry, Vincent, you know that I live only to please you. Vincent: Shut up. "What once resided in this place, shall soon be gone with no haste, make this girl age in time, as punishment for her heinous crime." (She ages and turns into a skeleton and then turns to dust.) Now, any questions? No? Good. Till we hit a right. I don't want the sisters finding me, especially Paige. Not until I'm ready. (Vincent walks into another room that looks the same as the Halliwell attic. One of the demonatrix follows him and strokes his body.) Demonatrix #3: Which demon are we after next? Vincent: Not a demon, a porsche. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Piper and Sigmund are there. Piper is looking through books and Sigmund is levitating in the air, getting books from the top shelf.] Sigmund: Sorry, Piper, it must be checked out. Can I come down now? Piper: Not yet. Check Lazardo's Book of Prophecies, Volume 1. Sigmund: Okay. (He levitates across the room.) Levitating, not my favourite, it's very high. (Leo orbs in with Phoebe.) Phoebe: Surprise! Piper: Hey, hi, I didn't know you guys were coming. Is something wrong? Phoebe: No, why would something be wrong? Does something have to be wrong for me to come visit my sister? Piper: Usually. Sigmund: Sorry to interrupt. Piper: Oh, good, you found it. Float on down. (Sigmund levitates back down to the floor.) Phoebe: (whispers to Leo) Oh, the good ol' days. Leo: We don't want to worry her, remember? Phoebe: Yes, I know. So, whatcha been doing? Piper: Oh, you know, same old, same old. Trying to figure out who turns Wyatt evil. By the way, have you seen Chris? Leo: Uh, yeah, actually, we have him working on something. Phoebe: But nothing big, you know, nothing to worry about. Just your every day demon stuff. Piper: Huh. Okay, well, if you see him, tell him I'd like to talk to him when he has a chance. (Piper heads for the door.) Phoebe: Where are you going? Piper: To pee. (Piper leaves.) Phoebe: Where do we start? Leo: Sigmund, is Gideon around? Sigmund: No, he's conferring with the other Elders, which if I may say so, is where you should be too. (Phoebe walks over to Sigmund and puts her hands on his shoulder.) Can I help you? Phoebe: Just trying to get a premonition, see if you're legit. Leo: Phoebe, you don't have premonitions anymore. Phoebe: It doesn't hurt to try. Leo: Sigmund, have you noticed any breaches in security, students, teachers, anyone suspicious? Sigmund: None that I know of. Why? Leo: Never mind. Um, just keep any eye out, especially around Piper. Sigmund: Of course. (Sigmund leaves the room.) Phoebe: Do you believe him? Leo: No reason not to. Which means the demon could be tapping into your mind or Paige's. Phoebe: Alright. I'll go back to the house and keep an eye on Paige. You stay here and maybe you and Piper can talk. (Phoebe stands there and screws up her face. Leo laughs.) Leo: What are you doing? Phoebe: I'm trying to orb. Leo: You don't orb. Phoebe: Now's not the time to rub that in. A little help here, please. (Leo waves his hand and Phoebe orbs out. Piper walks in.) Piper: Hey, where'd she go? Leo: Back to work. Deadlines. Um, can I help? [Scene: Spellman Automotive. Vincent, Demonatrix #3, and a salesman is standing in front of a porsche.] Salesman: Ahh, the Carrera S-4. Excellent choice. Turbo styling, all-wheel drive, zero to sixty in under five seconds. You wanna feel the wind in your face, this is definitely the car for you. Vincent: May I? Salesman: Oh, absolutely. (He points to the lit cigar in Vincent's hand.) Although, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to put that out first. Vincent: Of course. (He hands the cigar to Demonatrix #3.) Salesman: Thank you. (Vincent gets in the car and starts the engine.) Beautiful, isn't it? No other car sounds like it. Vincent: She'll love it. We'll take it. Salesman: Excellent. Cash or lease? (Demonatrix #3 chuckles.) Demonatrix #3: No, we'll just take it. Salesman: What? (She picks him up and throws him across the car yard.) Vincent: No! Rolls! (A Rolls orbs under the salesman and he falls onto the backseat.) I told you, we don't hurt innocents. (Chris orbs in, in front of the car.) Chris: That's a new one. Vincent: You! (Vincent slams his foot on the accelerator and Chris orbs out. Vincent speeds out of the car yard. Chris orbs back in and the Demonatrix disappears. Chris grabs the cigar off the ground and jumps in a car. He speeds off out of the car yard and follows Vincent down the street. Vincent and the car orb out. Chris stops right in front of a cop car. The salesman runs down the street.) Salesman: Stop him! He's trying to steal it! Cop: Don't move. Chris: Unbelievable. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is there talking on the phone.] Phoebe: I promise I will have the column in by the deadline. Uh-huh, yeah, I'm just finishing up. (Chris orbs in.) Uh, I gotta go. Tic toc, tic toc. (Phoebe hangs up.) Finally, where have you been? Chris: Jail. Phoebe: What? Chris: Don't worry, it's fine, nobody saw me orb out, and I talked to Darryl, he's gonna cover for me. Phoebe: How did you end up in jail? Chris: Let's just say I had a little run in with our mystery demon. And when I say run in, I mean literally. The guy, he tried to run me over with his porsche. Not cool. Phoebe: A demon that drives a porsche? That's different. Chris: So is one who can orb and wants to save innocents. (Chris starts scrying.) Phoebe: Forget tapping into us. It sounds like he wants to be us. Chris: Why? Phoebe: Why else? To kill us. (The crystal points to a spot on the map.) Did you find him? Where is he? Chris: Yeah. He's here. Phoebe: Here? Where here? Chris: Paige. [Cut to Paige's room. Mr. Right is massaging Paige's shoulders. Phoebe and Chris barge in.] Phoebe: Paige, are you... What are you doing? Chris: You? Paige: Uh, just, uh, napping. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Stairs. Phoebe, Paige, Chris and Mr. Right walk down the stairs.] Phoebe: Paige, I don't even want to talk about this. I mean, how could you do such a thing? Paige: Oh, what, like you've never conjured stuff before. Phoebe: Yeah, well, never for myself and never a s*x toy. Mr. Right: I am not a s*x toy. Phoebe: Quiet, you. Paige: Well, we did it for Piper before. Phoebe: Yes, but that was different. We were trying to convince her to not give up on love. We were desperate. Paige: Well, maybe I am too. Chris: Excuse me, shouldn't we be focusing on the bigger issue here? (Chris points to Mr. Right.) Phoebe: How long has this been going on? Paige: About three weeks. Phoebe: Three weeks! Paige: Give or take. You're the one who kept telling me I needed a break. Phoebe: Yes, but I meant take a day off, you know. Go to the spa, have a pedicure, get a massage. Mr. Right: I massage her. (Phoebe gags.) Chris: Breathe. What I wanna know is, how come when we were scrying for the demon, we got him instead? Paige: I don't know. Chris: You might wanna know because he looks a hell of a lot like the guy who just tried to kill me. Paige: What? That is impossible. Phoebe: Didn't the demon start killing the other demons around the same time? Paige: I'm telling you, there's no way he's a demon, I made him to be good. Phoebe: Well, maybe you also made one to be bad. I don't know. Paige: No. Phoebe: How do you explain the scrying then? Chris: And the fact that he makes potions, and has your powers. Talk about your personal gain consequences. Paige: Personal gain. I'm so tired. If I hear those two words again, I tell you what. Mr. Right: Nevertheless, it's there for a reason. It's why Phoebe lost her powers. Paige: Whose side are you on? Mr. Right: I know what you know, Paige, and we both know they're right. Paige: Wow. Did you conjure him or clone him? Chris: Okay, this is so stupid. Why don't we just un-conjure him so they'll both go away. Paige: I can't. I make him to last 24 hours. The spell's not done yet. Chris: Great. So how long do we have to wait? Paige: Till after midnight. Phoebe: Well, let's just hope we find him before he finds us. (The doorbell rings.) Maybe that's another one of your suitors that you've conjured for your own personal gain and pleasure. Paige: Oh, I hope so. (to Mr. Right) No offense. (Phoebe opens the front door. Darryl's there.) Phoebe: Hey, Darryl. Uh, now's not really a good time. Darryl: I'm here about Chris. Phoebe: Yeah, he told me you covered for him. That was great. Darryl: I'm taking him back. (Two cops walk in behind them.) Chris: What? Phoebe: Wait, what's going on? (The cops handcuff him.) Darryl: I'm taking him back to county. Chris: Hey! A little help here, please? Phoebe: What do you want me to do? Cop: Let's go. (They lead Chris out the door.) Paige: Uh, Chris, don't worry, we'll figure it out, I promise. Phoebe: Darryl. Darryl: Don't even ask. This time it's by the book. Do you understand? Paige: Why? Darryl: Why? Because I almost got killed covering for you last time, that's why. Paige: Okay, but we always almost get killed. Darryl: But last time was different, way different. I'm not going through that again, I'm not putting my family through that again. You understand? Phoebe: We'll just have to get him out of there ourselves. Darryl: And risk exposing magic? I don't think so. Listen to me, Phoebe, I'm not covering for you anymore. I mean it. (Darryl leaves.) Phoebe: Could this day get any worse? [Scene: Vincent's Lair. Vincent is there. Demonatrix #3 walks in.] Vincent: Well? Demonatrix #3: The car's waiting for you, as you wish. Vincent: Mm, it's beautiful this time of year, isn't it? In Florence. Demonatrix #3: As good a place as any to kill a Charmed One. Vincent: It's not for killing one. It's for loving one. For loving Paige. Demonatrix #3: But I thought you said that... Vincent: That's for after, when she's by my side, when I can give her what she wants. More than anything. Freedom, independence, power. Demonatrix #3: But doesn't she already have power? Vincent: Not the kind that gives her independence. Demonatrix #3: Still, with all do respect, how do you know what she wants? Vincent: Because it's what I want. We are one in the same. I exist solely to please her. And I intend on doing exactly that. Demonatrix #3: How will you get to her? Vincent: I won't have to. She'll come to me. After all, she knows my every move. [Scene: Magic School. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is writing on a notepad. Leo stares at her.] Piper: What? Leo: Uh, nothing. (Silence. Piper stares at Leo.) What? Piper: Nothing. I mean, thanks for helping with this. Leo: Well, he's my son too. Piper: What about your other son? How are you and Chris getting along? Better? Leo: I hope so. I don't know, I mean, it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that he has issues with me. Because he hasn't even technically been born yet. Piper: Well, that's our boy. And hopefully you'll get a second chance with him. Leo: Hopefully. What about with you? I mean, we haven't even really talked about us since we... well, you know. Piper: Yeah, I do know. Leo: Have you thought about it? Piper: Of course, I have, a lot. But honestly, I can't even go there. I mean, it's not an option, is it? You're still an Elder. (Paige orbs in.) Paige: Hey. I'm not interrupting, am I? Piper: Actually, kind of. As a matter of fact, you are. Could you... Paige: Sorry. See, I have to talk to Leo about something real quick. Come with me. Piper: Alright, that's it. What is going on? Paige: Nothing. Piper: Come on, I'm pregnant, not stupid. What is it? Leo: Uh, well, we didn't want to alarm you. But there is a demon consolidating powers, using Charmed knowledge. Piper: What? Paige: Yeah, and see, the problem is, I kind of conjured Mr. Right version of him. Piper: Wait, wait, wait. Mr. Right, as in my Mr. Right? Paige: No, that would be gross. My Mr. Right. Leo: Paige, there are rules. Paige: Oh, please. Listen, anyway, you guys are confusing me. That's not why I'm here. I came to tell you that Chris has been arrested. It's a long story. Leo: Did you call Darryl? Paige: Yes, that would be the other problem because Darryl arrested him. Longer story. Piper: Okay, take me home. Leo: No, no, no, it's too dangerous, you stay here. Piper: No, I can't stay here when all hell is breaking loose there. Piper: Stay here. You save one son and I'll go save the other. [Cut to the manor. Attic. Phoebe is there making a potion. Mr. Right walks in.] Mr. Right: Can I come in? Phoebe: Shouldn't you be off peeling Paige a grape or something? Mr. Right: She doesn't like grapes. Uh, actually, she's not back yet. What are you doing? Phoebe: I'm making a vanquishing potion for your evil twin. Or at least I'm trying to. Mr. Right: Maybe I can help? Phoebe: No, I think you've done enough already, thank you. Mr. Right: Okay. Look, I know you're mad at her and me, and you have every right to be. Phoebe: I know. Mr. Right: But you know Paige. She doesn't think it's fair for magic to take away so much away from you guys, without ever giving anything back. Phoebe: Yeah, but that still doesn't justify... Mr. Right: I know, it doesn't. But she was going crazy. She was overloaded. She didn't want to complain, she didn't want you to have to feel guilty for having lost your powers. Just don't stay mad at her too long, okay? It hurts her, Phoebe. She looks up to you, a lot more than you know. Phoebe: Really? Mr. Right: Yeah. I think you're missing one key ingredient for this potion to work. (He picks up a pin.) My blood. After all, it's his too. (He pricks his finger.) Phoebe: Ouch. Doesn't that hurt? Mr. Right: No. I only feel what Paige feels. After all, I'm not real. Although, the more I come back, the more I wish I was. (Paige and Leo orb in.) Paige: Phoebe, I thought about it and I just wanted to say that you're right and... Phoebe: Stop. You apologised already. It's okay. Okay, so we have the potion, all we need is the demon. Leo: Any idea who he'll go after next? Paige, Mr. Right: Komodo demon. Paige: I like the way you think. Mr. Right: Right back at you. Phoebe: Eww. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Alley. A burning pile of ash is on the ground. Leo, Phoebe and Paige orb in.] Leo: Looks like we're too late. (Vincent walks around the corner.) Vincent: Actually, you're right on time. So glad you could make it. Leo: Paige, throw the potion. Vincent: You wouldn't hurt me, would you? (Paige glows.) Leo: Paige. Phoebe: Give me that. (Phoebe grabs the potion off of Paige and throws it at Vincent. Nothing happens.) Vincent: Sorry. Paige didn't conjure me to go away until it's time. (Vincent orbs out and orbs back in behind Paige.) You can't resist me, remember? (He orbs out with Paige.) [Cut to Vincent's Lair. A room that looks very similar to Paige's bedroom. Vincent orbs in with Paige.] Paige: What's going on? Where am I? Vincent: You're home, Paige. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Hallway. Phoebe, Leo and Mr. Right are there.] Phoebe: "Use my blood", you said. "It's his blood too", you said. Mr. Right: How was I supposed to know the potion wouldn't work? Phoebe: I thought you knew him. Mr. Right: No, I said I knew Paige. There's a difference. Phoebe: What? Testicles? I thought you guys were like three peas in a pod. Mr. Right: No, Paige is real. We're not, remember? Leo: He's right. She didn't make them vulnerable because she didn't want them to go away. Mr. Right: Until it's time. Phoebe: Well, we have to find her before midnight. God knows what he'll do to her by then. Mr. Right: He won't hurt her. He loves her. That much I know. That's why she went with him. Phoebe: Yeah, but why is she staying? Why hasn't she orbed out of there? I mean, she may want a lot of crazy things, but she'd never want to be with a demon. Mr. Right: Don't count on it. Paige has a dark side like everybody else. He's appealing to that, to what she secretly wants. Leo: And what is that? Mr. Right: To be free, independent, to be able to use her magic without fear of consequence. That's extremely seductive to her. Phoebe: And so are those pheromones I bet. Mr. Right: Especially when used by evil. Phoebe: We've gotta figure out a way to vanquish this guy. Leo: Yeah, but how? She made him invincible. Mr. Right: Then why not make him real? Break our magical bond. Phoebe: I'm sorry? Mr. Right: It's what Paige would do if she was here. I mean, I know it's whacky but it might work. Leo: It'd certainly make him vulnerable to a potion. Phoebe: Guys, this is not Pinocchio, we can't just make things real. Mr. Right: We're not making things real. Just him. And he's already half way there just by being conjured. I know you can do it, Phoebe. Phoebe: Thanks... Paige. Still, it doesn't help us find her. Leo: Maybe we can. Or at least maybe Chris can, like he did before. Phoebe: Have you forgotten he's in jail? Leo: Not for long he's not. (Leo orbs out.) Phoebe: Well, it looks like I'm the last sister standing now. You, come on. [Scene: Vincent's Lair. Paige and Vincent are there.] Vincent: It's an exact duplicate. Exactly as you know it. Of course, given time, I can recreate the entire house for you. Well, what do you think? Paige: My head's still spinning. Vincent: It's hard for you to accept when good things happen to you, I know. But this is everything you've ever dreamed about, wanted. Instead of fighting you, the demons will bow down to your feet. Instead of reigning in your powers, you can use them at will. You're free, unchallenged, loved. Paige: Why Vincent? Vincent: You don't remember? The name of your first love. A boy who promised you the world. Now you've got it. Paige: What about my... Vincent: Your sisters. They're a burden, aren't they? Forever forcing you to sacrifice yourself, your needs for them. Paige: You're right. It's not fair. Vincent: No, it's not. And unfortunately, unless we do something, they'll try to stop us, won't they? [Scene: Police Station. Darryl is there. Leo walks in and goes over to him.] Leo: We need to talk. Darryl: Hello, Leo. Knew you'd show up sooner or later. (Darryl walks into his office. Leo follows.) Leo: Darryl, Paige is in trouble. A demon took her and I need Chris to help find her. Darryl: Sorry, I can't help you. Leo: What is that supposed to mean? Darryl: Exactly what it sounds like. Look, I told the girls, and now I'm telling you. I'm not doing it anymore. Forget it. Leo: Look, I understand... Darryl: Hey. You don't understand. It's over, Leo. When those beings who erase memories allowed me to remember what happened after last time, I changed. I saw the light. This is your fight. It's not mine. Leo: Well, I am fighting to try and save my sons. Alright, they are in trouble. Wyatt might be in trouble too. You're a father. Darryl: I'm a cop. All I know... all I'm supposed to know is Chris got caught stealing a car. That's it. Son or no son, he's busted. Leo: Yeah, well, sooner or later they're gonna figure out who he is, and then what, huh? Darryl: It's not my problem. Excuse me. [Cut to a jail cell. Chris is sitting on the bed. A guard walks past the cell. Leo orbs in.] Chris: Took you long enough. Leo: Shh. Not so loud. I'm getting you outta here. Chris: Great. So Darryl's gonna cover? Leo: Forget about Darryl. Come on. Chris: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're just gonna orb out of here? What about exposure? Leo: Right now I'm a more worried about them exposing you. Chris: Yeah, but... Leo: Look, son. I'm not gonna let you hang here, okay. Now come on, you've got an Aunt to save. (Chris stands up.) Chris: Thanks, dad. (They orb out.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Mr. Right are there making a potion. The potion explodes.] Mr. Right: Does that mean it's done? Phoebe: Or over done. I'm not so sure about this. (Phoebe puts the potion into a vile.) Mr. Right: Well, why don't we try it out. On me. Phoebe: Are you kidding? It might kill you. Mr. Right: Well, then at least you'd know I was real. Look, if it works on me, it's gonna work on him, right? Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe throws the potion at his feet and a cloud of smoke covers him. He gasps.) How do you feel? Mr. Right: Alive. (He walks around a picks up a knife.) Phoebe: What are you doing? Mr. Right: Seeing how much I feel. (He cuts his hand with the knife.) Ow! Phoebe: Ow is good though, right? Ow means you're... Mr. Right: I'm real. (He laughs.) I can't believe it. This is amazing. You have no idea what you've done for me, Phoebe. Phoebe: I hope you didn't just trick me into doing that. Mr. Right: No, but I did help you realise you're not as powerless as you thought. (Leo and Chris orb in.) Phoebe: Chris, you're out. Chris: Yeah, thank god. Leo: So how's that potion coming? Did it work? Mr. Right: Perfectly. (He holds up his hand.) Leo: Okay, great. Chris has an idea on how you can find Paige. Phoebe: Me? Chris: You're gonna have to sneak in. Leo: And then once you're in, we'll bring you the potion that makes the demon real. Phoebe: And how exactly am I going to sneak in? [Scene: Vincent's Lair. A group of Demonatrix's are there. Phoebe is amongst the Demonatrix's wearing leather and a blonde wig. Vincent walks in.] Vincent: You're right on time. Demonatrix #3: My aim is to please. Where's Paige? Vincent: Coming. You know of course that she can't be a part of this. At least, not directly. They are after all, still her sisters. Demonatrix #3: I understand. (Paige orbs in with Piper.) Piper: Paige, what are we doing here? (Paige stands next to Vincent.) Paige: You know how I've always felt tied down? Well, I thought you'd like to know how that feels. Rope! (A rope orbs around Piper's hands.) Piper: What the hell are you doing? Paige? (Paige and Vincent walk into another room.) Paige. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Vincent's Lair. Demonatrix #3 pulls out a throwing star.] Piper: Leo? Chris? (Suddenly, Demonatrix #3 bursts into flames and is vanquished.) Phoebe: Oops. I missed. (Phoebe pulls out a throwing star and throws it at a Demonatrix. She kicks two and they fall to the ground. Phoebe runs over to Piper and Piper screams.) It's just me, it's Phoebe. Piper: What? Phoebe. (She chuckles.) Are you here to save me or kill me? Phoebe: I haven't decided yet. Turn around. (She unties Piper.) Okay. Piper: Is there a plan involved in any of this? Phoebe: Well, there was until Chris and Leo didn't respond to your call. Piper: Great. [Cut to the manor. Attic. Leo and Chris are waiting there.] Leo: Something's wrong, I can't sense her. Chris: I'm going back down there. Leo: No, you can't. Chris: Leo, she needs the potion, alright? Leo: It's too dangerous. I'm not risking you too. Phoebe will figure it out, she always finds a way. [Cut to Vincent's Lair. Piper and Phoebe are looking around a wall at a bunch of Demonatrix's in another room.] Piper: Let me just see if I can get a clear shot. Phoebe: And risk exposing the baby? Absolutely not. This is what we're gonna do. I am going to go after the two on the right first. Piper: Okay, then what? Phoebe: Then go after the two on the left. Piper: Oh, sure. Phoebe: Okay, ready? Piper: No. Phoebe: Go. Piper: No! (Phoebe runs into the room and the two on the right throw throwing stars at her. Piper freezes them in mid-air. Piper blows up the two on the left. Phoebe plucks the throwing stars out of the air and throws them at the two on the right, vanquishing them.) Hey, not bad for a chick who can't levitate. Phoebe: We're not done yet. Piper: But you said you didn't have the potion. Phoebe: We don't need it. (Phoebe walks off.) [Cut to Paige's duplicate room. Paige and Vincent are standing there kissing. Piper and Phoebe barge in.] Phoebe: Alright, break it up, you two! Vincent: Phoebe, I'm impressed. I underestimated you. Phoebe: Really? Well, that means she did too, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. (to Piper) Blow him up. Piper: Huh? Vincent: You can't. I'm not real, remember? Phoebe: I'm betting on if Mr. Right is real, then so are you. (to Piper) Just do it. (Piper blows him up and vanquishes him. Paige glows.) Paige: What are you wearing? [Scene: Magic School. Piper and Wyatt are there. Leo orbs in.] Wyatt: Dad-da. Leo: Hey, slugger. How's you mummy doing? Is she alright? Piper: As long as one of her sisters doesn't try to kill her again, she'll be fine. Leo: Well, now you know why we didn't tell you about it. Piper: I'm glad you did otherwise I would've been totally in the dark when Paige kidnapped me. Leo: Have you forgiven her yet? Piper: No. Not to her face, anyway. But that's okay, she can suffer a little bit. So what's going on with Chris? Leo: The car salesman dropped the charges. He had a sudden loss of memory. Wouldn't testify. Go figure. Piper: Leo. Leo: Magic was already exposed, so I had to do something, right? Piper: You know, you're a good father. Leo: Yeah? Thanks. I hope you say that again in twenty-three years. I wonder where we'll be then. Piper: Me too. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Paige is there sitting on the couch. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Hey, sweetie. Paige: Hey. How you doing? How's the column? Did you finish? Phoebe: I did. Just barely. But at least Sad in San Jose won't be so sad anymore. Paige: See, you didn't need your powers to give good advice. Wait a second, you didn't get your powers back, did you? Phoebe: No, and I'm not in any hurry to, either. I think we've both been relying on our powers a bit too much, don't you? Paige: Oh, subtle. Very subtle. That's what I like about you. All the same, I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking. Phoebe: Well, you were thinking that you needed a break. And those needs came from a real place. You just have to figure out a way to honour them without using magic. (Mr. Right walks in.) Paige: Got any advice for him? Phoebe: No. You're on your own with that one. (to Mr. Right) Good luck. Mr. Right: Thanks. (Phoebe leaves.) Paige: Hey. Mr. Right: Hey. Paige: You all set? Mr. Right: To tell you the truth, I'm not sure. I'm a little nervous. Paige: Aww, well, don't worry. Leo will take good care of you. He's the best, and after all, he's come and gone from this world several times. Mr. Right: So have I. Thanks to you. Paige: Well, don't thank me just yet. If you're anything like me, and I have a sneaking suspicion that you are, you might get into a little bit of trouble out there. Mr. Right: Well, if I'm anything like you, I can handle it, right? Will I ever see you again? Paige: Only if you get into too much trouble. (She kisses him on the cheek.) Mr. Right: Well... Paige/Mr. Right: Take care.

With Piper away at Magic School and Phoebe without her powers, an overworked Paige re-conjures "Mr. Right" for stress relief, but unknowingly releases his evil twin, a demon called Vincent who immediately hatches a plot to separate the sisters while sending assassins after witches. Appealing to Paige's dark side, Mr. Wrong / Vincent uses his pheromones to trick her into realizing that the only way to achieve her secret desire is to be free and use her magic without fear of consequence, eventually killing her sisters. Chris accidentally gets arrested for stealing a car to chase Vincent and Darryl will not cover. To prevent Paige from executing his plan, Phoebe goes undercover as one of Mr. Wrong's Demonatrix assassins. Paige and Phoebe try to keep Piper out of the situation, but that backfires when Paige, under Vincent's control, kidnaps her so that the Demonatrix assassins can kill her. Phoebe regains confidence in herself when she makes Mr. Right real to test a potion that will make Vincent real so he can be vanquished and infiltrates the Demonatrixes. As the Demonatrixes are about to kill a confused Piper, Phoebe saves her and together they vanquish them. They go after Vincent who is confident they cannot harm him as they do not have the potion to make him real, but Phoebe takes the chance that making Mr. Right real will turn him real too. She proves to be right and Vincent is easily vanquished which breaks his hold over Paige. Later, Leo erases the memory of the car dealership manager to save Chris from having to go to jail.

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THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART FOURTEEN (THE ULTIMATE FOE) Run time: 29:30 [SCENE_BREAK] Beach [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: No! Glitz: Doctor! Hang on! Where are you? Oh, no. Don't give in! I'm coming! Glitz: Doctor. Glitz: What a way to go. All in all, he wasn't a bad old codger. Honest, of course. Still, nobody's perfect. The Doctor (O.C.): And that's the clue. Nobody is. Not even the Valeyard. Glitz: Oh, great cosmic protector of grafters and dissemblers, save me. Save me! A voice from the grave. The Doctor (O.C.): No, a grave voice. The Doctor: Bad joke. But everything round here is a bad joke. Glitz: No mud? But I saw. Your ankle armour. Glitz: I don't get it. The Doctor: Oh, do concentrate, Glitz. How often must I tell you? We're not dealing with reality. Valeyard: Why waste your breath on that simple minded oaf. Valeyard: You cannot speak as though reality is a one-dimensional concept. Valeyard: Fortunately, there is a reality that you and I can both agree on. The ultimate reality. The Doctor: Death? Valeyard: The undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns. The Doctor: Puzzles the will. Hamlet, act three scene one. Valeyard: I really must curb these urges. I've no wish to be contaminated by your whims and idiosyncrasies. The Doctor: Quite so. But what I don't comprehend... Glitz: He's over here, Doc. Slippery customer, your other persona. The Doctor: What I don't comprehend is why you want me dead. No. No, let me rephrase that. It would satisfy my curiosity to know why you should go to such extraordinary lengths to kill me. Valeyard: Come now, Doctor. How else can I obtain my freedom, operate as a complete entity, unfettered by your side of my existence? Only by ridding myself of you and your misplaced morality, your constant crusading, your... Glitz: Idiotic honesty? Valeyard: Oaf. Microbe. Glitz: Pardon me for trying to help. I'm neutral in this set-up, you know. Valeyard: Only by releasing myself from the misguided maxims that you nurture can I be free. Glitz: Sounds to me like Armageddon's beckoning you, Doc. Valeyard: With you destroyed and no longer able to constrain me, and with unlimited access to the Matrix, there will be nothing beyond my reach. Glitz: Where are you off to now? The Doctor: To trace the Valeyard. Glitz: But he was here. The Doctor: Illusion, Glitz. The shadow, not the substance. But if you don't want to come, you can stay here and build sandcastles. I'm sure if you think hard enough, you can conjure up a bucket and spade. Glitz: Tell you something. If you two meet face to face, five grotzits gives you ten he's first past the chequered flag. Glitz: What's that? The Doctor: Back pedal. Glitz: Another illusion? The Doctor: Alas, no. Glitz: Sea mist? Fog? The Doctor: Asphyxiating nerve gas. This is in deadly earnest. Glitz: You've got to tell someone else before he... The Doctor: Run! [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: We can't just sit here and do nothing. We've got to help him. Inquisitor: The Doctor chose to enter the Matrix. We are not empowered to interfere. Keeper: If I may, my lady? You are applying logical thought to a situation that recognises no logic. Mel: Give me the key to the Matrix. I'm going in there. [SCENE_BREAK] Master's TARDIS [SCENE_BREAK] Master: Welcome, Doctor. The Doctor: Well, I never thought I'd welcome the sight of you. Master: It will not happen again. The Doctor: What puzzles me is why it's happening now. Master: The explanation's quite simple. I want the Valeyard eliminated, and you're the most likely candidate to achieve that. Glitz: Hang on. You told me this fleshy fair-haired personage was the one you wanted to croak. Master: With the Doctor as my enemy, I always have the advantage. The Doctor: Ho! Master: But the Valeyard, the distillation of all that's evil in you, untainted by virtue, a composite of your every dark thought, is a different proposition. Additionally, he's infuriated me by threatening to deny me the pleasure of personally bringing about your destruction. And so he must pay the price. And you, Glitz, shall help me to collect. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the console room [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Would I be wrong in thinking that the Doctor will soon be needing a machonite overcoat? Master: Nothing so crude. He's merely being reduced to a catatonic state. Glitz: Cata what? Master: The violent assault on his senses will trip a defensive mechanism, and his brain will switch off. Glitz: He'll become a zombie. Master: Temporarily. Long enough for my purposes. [SCENE_BREAK] Courtyard [SCENE_BREAK] Master: Walk. Master: Stop. This should prove an irresistible bait for the Valeyard. Glitz: You Time Lords take the cake. Talk about devious. Compared to you lot I'm as transparent as crystal. Poor old Doc. Master: Stop slobbering. Get over here. Valeyard: You really are a second rate adversary. Did you imagine I'd be lured by such a transparent ploy? Glitz: This could all be an illusion. Master: Then stay here and find out. Mel (O.C.): Doctor? Where are you, Doctor? Doctor! The Doctor: Mel? Mel: Doctor, is that you? The Doctor: Yes. Yes, of course it's me. Where are you? Mel: This way. Quickly. The Doctor: What are you doing in the Matrix? Mel: Forget the questions. You're alive, that's all that matters. Now please, follow me before it's too late. The Doctor: Where are we going? Mel: To get you out of this unholy mess. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: But that's the seventh door! You're taking me back to the trial room. Mel: Doctor, trust me. Don't you see that until you've cleared your name, you're no better than the Valeyard is. A renegade on the run, an outcast. The Doctor: Quite the pragmatist, aren't you? You're quite right, of course. Let's get it over with. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Inquisitor: Doctor. You owe the court an apology. The Doctor: Well, if I do, then it is unreservedly offered, madam. Inquisitor: The charge of genocide is based on your own evidence. Mel: And refuted by the Doctor. Inquisitor: It seems you have a champion in this young woman. Mel: I was there, remember? Inquisitor: Would you accept her as an impartial witness? The Doctor: I would trust Mel with my life. Inquisitor: Good. Keeper. The Doctor (on screen): The vionesium, Mel! Inquisitor: Is that a true record of what occurred? Mel: What shall I say, Doctor? The Doctor: Just tell the truth. Mel: Yes, but I don't want her to twist it like the Valeyard did. The Doctor: The truth can't harm me. Mel: That's what happened. Inquisitor: Is it your contention that the Doctor was solely responsible for devising the scheme we are presently reviewing on the Matrix? Mel: Oh, absolutely. Without the Doctor, we'd all ended up on the Vervoid's revolting compost heap. Inquisitor: A unique solution. Mel: Out of this world. Inquisitor: An appropriate expression, wouldn't you say, my lords? Mel: Appropriate? Something's going wrong here. I can sense it. You said the truth couldn't harm you, yet I have the feeling I'm attending a lynching party. Tell them you had no choice, Doctor. The Doctor: There's always a choice. Inquisitor: Doctor, you stand accused of genocide. The evidence is incontrovertible. The verdict is guilty. Mel: No! Inquisitor: Your life is therefore forfeit. Take him from this court. Mel: No, leave him alone! The Doctor: Unless we are prepared to sacrifice our lives for the good of all, then evil and anarchy will spread like the plague. The rule of law must prevail. Madam, I accept your verdict. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Switch it off. Switch it off! The Doctor's been tricked into believing that that was the real trial room. The Valeyard's illusion has deliberately taken advantage of the Doctor's romantic nature. He's convinced he must sacrifice himself, and you're content to let him. Inquisitor: We cannot interfere. Mel: Well, I can! [SCENE_BREAK] Courtyard [SCENE_BREAK] Children (O.C.): London's burning, London's burning. Valeyard (O.C.): Glitz. Glitz. Sabalom Glitz. Valeyard (O.C.): Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. The Doctor: It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done. It is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. Mel: Never mind the Sydney Carton heroics. You're not signing on as a martyr yet. The Doctor: Go away, Mel. Go away. Mel: That trial was an illusion. The Doctor: Ow! You've ruined everything. Mel: Ruined? I've just saved your neck. The Doctor: All you've done is keep me from a confrontation with the Valeyard. Mel: But you were on your way to... The Doctor: To a death chamber as a result of a bogus trial and my noble act of self-sacrifice. Mel: You knew it was an illusion? How come? The Doctor: Because of you, Mel. In your evidence you testified you'd heard me deny the charge of genocide, but you weren't even there. You hadn't been inside the courtroom at that time. And with your extraordinary ability of total recall, you wouldn't have made such an elementary mistake. Mel: Okay, okay, I'm not deaf. The Doctor: The Valeyard overestimates his own cleverness. Like all megalomaniacs, he is consumed with his own vanity. There, that should inflame his bloated ego. Come on. Mel: Where? The Doctor: To find Mister J J Chambers. [SCENE_BREAK] Master's TARDIS [SCENE_BREAK] Master: I want you to rejoin the Doctor and lead him to the Valeyard. Glitz: No chance. You don't catch me going near no more quill pens again. Glitz: I'm just going to stay here till I can get back to my own kind and some honest thieving. Master: Splendid, splendid. Listen to me. Are you listening, Sabalom Glitz? Glitz: Not really. I was just wondering how many grotzits this little bauble cost you. Master: Perhaps this will appeal to your crass soul. Glitz: Truly a wondrous sight for a connoisseur such as myself. There isn't a living creature in the universe I couldn't bribe with this little lot. Master: Yours, if you follow my orders. [SCENE_BREAK] Outer office [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: I still reckon we'd be better off outside the Matrix. The Doctor: Oh? Oh, you do? Mel: It seems to me we should try and draw the Valeyard out to where the odds would be more even. The Doctor: And how do we do that? Mel: I hate to say this but, er, use you as bait. The Doctor: Assuming that it's me he's after. [SCENE_BREAK] Inner office [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Oh, come on. Just look at the elaborate lengths he's gone to already. The Doctor: Yes. Yes, they were elaborate, weren't they? Perhaps too elaborate. Mel: There are times in our relationship when I feel an interpreter wouldn't come amiss. The Doctor: Don't go through that... The Doctor: Door. [SCENE_BREAK] Outer office [SCENE_BREAK] Popplewick: Sticky fingers, Mister Glitz? Glitz: The Matrix memory bank. I thought this was destroyed on Ravalox. Popplewick: That was a duplicate. This is the master tape. Glitz: Phase three, four, five and six. All the secrets of the Matrix. Popplewick: Not all. The primitive phases one and two have been relegated to the archives. Now kindly put it back and do as you're told. Glitz: I'd give my soul for this. Popplewick: You would? Would you, indeed. Glitz: You'd like to negotiate, Mister Popplewick? Sir? [SCENE_BREAK] Inner office [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Look at this, Mel. Mel: A list of names. The Doctor: Of Time Lords attending my trial. Every member of the Ultimate Court of Appeal, the supreme guardians of Gallifreyan law. Mel: Why are they all crossed through? The Doctor: Do you notice something else? Mel: No. The Doctor: The handwriting. Mel: It's yours. Popplewick: I really must protest at this unseemly behaviour. You are contravening all known procedure. Glitz: Due to my not inconsiderable powers of persuasion... Glitz: This minion has agreed to take us to his boss, the mysterious Mister J J Chambers. The Doctor: Will you lead the way, Mister Popplewick? Popplewick: No! No, not through there. Mister Chambers is across the courtyard, sir. Glitz: If he isn't, there'll be one bureaucrat less in the Matrix. [SCENE_BREAK] Outer office [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Ah, just a minute. You won't be needing this, Mister Popplewick. Glitz: Very astute of you, Doc. You should live a long time. The Doctor: I already have. Over nine hundred years. Mel: What's the secret? The Doctor: Secret, Mel? What secret? [SCENE_BREAK] Courtyard [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: You know, I am beginning to realise that I have misjudged Mister J J Chambers, alias the Valeyard. Mel: Not for the first time. In fact, how you've managed to survive nine hundred odd years beats me. Glitz: We had an agreement. I've done my bit. I've delivered the Doctor. Glitz: Uh uh. The Matrix memory tapes first. Popplewick: Oh, very well. Glitz: Tell the Doctor I didn't sell him down the Milky Way for nothing. Popplewick: I'm sure that will be a consolation to him in his final moments. Master: Very astute, Sabalom Glitz, but this is loaded. Glitz: What's that for? I thought we trusted each other. I was on my way to see you. Master: My trust of you is in equal proportion to your trust of me. The TARDIS is over there. [SCENE_BREAK] Engine room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Oh, doesn't it fill you with admiration, Mel, eh? Such craftsmanship. Pride in every cog and piston. Mel: Doctor, there is another priority. The Valeyard, remember? The Doctor: Yeah, how could I forget. Mel: Where's Glitz? The Doctor: I don't know. Decided to stay outside on guard perhaps, eh, Mister Popplewick? Popplewick: Er, yes. I perceive Mister Chambers is not here. I shall go and find him for you, sir. The Doctor: Yes. Yes, you do that, Mister Popplewick. Mel: If I knew what you were looking for, maybe I could help. Popplewick: I'm awfully sorry, sir. I don't seem to be able to locate Mister Chambers. The Doctor: Yes. Well, I rather thought you might have some trouble. Who's that? The Doctor: Don't just stand there, Mel, help me! Popplewick: Unhand me! Stop! Popplewick: This is preposterous. You will regret this. Mister Chambers will demand an explanation for this iniquitous, this wicked behaviour. The Doctor: Well, let's ask him, shall we? Mel: How did you know? The Doctor: The performance was too grotesque to be real. I have never been able to resist a touch of the Grand Guignol. Have we? Valeyard: You'll soon have ample scope to indulge in melodrama. The Doctor: Really? Why? Mel: A megabyte modem. The Doctor: A maser. Mel: A maser? The Doctor: An acronym, for microwave amplification and stimulated emission of radiation. Mel: But what does it do? Valeyard: Yes, Doctor. Enlighten us. Disseminate the news. The Doctor: Disseminate? A particle disseminator? Valeyard: The ultimate weapon. Even subatomic particles, gravitons, quarks, tau mesons, all completely disseminated. Mel: Destroy us and you destroy yourself. What's the joke? The Doctor: I've just realised. My writing. Our writing. A hit list. Mel: But how? These Time Lords, or supreme guardians of the law, as you called them, are all in the trial room, and we're in the Matrix. The Doctor: The Matrix screen. Mel, get back to the trial room. Tell them to disconnect the Matrix screen and evacuate the court. Mel: But I can't leave you... The Doctor: Go! Do it, or there'll be mass murder. Valeyard: Bwahahahahahaha! [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Keeper: My lady, an urgent message. The High Council has been deposed. Insurrectionists are running amok on Gallifrey. Master (on screen): Thank you, Keeper. That is the news I'd been awaiting. Listen carefully. I have an edict to deliver. Somewhere the Valeyard and the Doctor are engaged in their squalid duel. With luck, they'll kill each other, but that is a mere coincidental occurrence. What I have to impart is of vital importance to all of you. Now that Gallifrey is collapsing into chaos, none of you will be needed. Your office will be abolished. Only I can impose order. I have control of the Matrix. To disregard my commands will be to invite summary execution. [SCENE_BREAK] Master's TARDIS [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Now that you've purged that from your system, can we get on? Load the cassette. Master: You really are the archetypal philistine. Master: Moments such as this should be savoured. Glitz: Wha? What's happening? Master: A limbo atrophier. Glitz: A limbo atrophier? [SCENE_BREAK] Engine room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: You are elevating futility to a high art. There's nothing you can do to prevent the catharsis of spurious morality. The Doctor: If you could compile this monstrosity, it follows that I should be able to unravel it. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Disconnect the Matrix! Inquisitor: We cannot switch off without the Keeper, and he's not present. Mel: Then get out of here, quickly. Your lives depend on it. [SCENE_BREAK] Engine room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Eureka! And you said it couldn't be immobilised. Valeyard: What have you done? The Doctor: Induced an anti-phase signal into the telemetry unit. The whole system should self-destruct. Valeyard: You blundering imbecile. You triggered a ray phase shift that made a massive feedback into here. The Doctor: No! Valeyard: No. It's too late! [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Ah. Now, let me see. Where were we? I was about to be sentenced, I believe. Inquisitor: All charges against you are dismissed, Doctor. We owe you an immense debt of gratitude, which I can partly repay by telling you that the young woman, Miss Perpugilliam Brown, is alive and well and living as a warrior queen with King Yrcanos. The Doctor: Ah. Verumnic. Inquisitor: Now then, once law and order have been restored, a new High Council will need to be elected. Can I persuade you to stand for Lord President again? The Doctor: Ah. Ah ha. I've a better idea. Mel: He's going to suggest you stand. The Doctor: Indeed I am. And were there such a thing as an intergalactic postal vote, you'd have mine. Mel: I shouldn't broadcast that, if I were you. The Doctor: Oh, you could do me one small favour, if you would. Inquisitor: Simply name it. The Doctor: When the Matrix is restored, you can do what you like with the Master, but exercise leniency with Sabalom Glitz. He's not beyond redemption. Mel: Just don't let him anywhere near the crown jewels. [SCENE_BREAK] Space station [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Gallifrey doesn't have any crown jewels. Mel: Right. A bracing glass of carrot juice. The Doctor: Carrot juice? Mel: And then we'll get you back on the exerciser. The Doctor: You know, I think I was rash in turning down that offer of the Presidency. Mel: Come on. The Doctor: Oh. Carrot juice? The Doctor (O.C.): Carrot juice, carrot juice, carrot juice. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Inquisitor: Repair the Matrix, Keeper. Requisition anything you need. Keeper: My Lady.

The Doctor continues his quest to capture and stop the Valeyard, the Master assists him with the help of Glitz, leaving everyone to wonder if the Master may have plans of his own for the Doctor and the Time Lords. As things progress, in the strange world of the Valeyard the Doctor comes closer to either stopping the Valeyards evil plans or the end of his existence.

fd_Veronica_Mars_02x16

fd_Veronica_Mars_02x16_0

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Veronica follows Danny Boyd through the back door into the River Stix in 208 "Ahoy, Mateys!" VERONICA VOICEOVER: I've walked right in to the River Styx, home base for the Fighting Fitzpatricks. There are flashes of Danny, Liam Fitzpatrick, and Liam throwing Veronica onto the pool table. Cut to Griffith at the sheriff's department in 206 "Rat Saw God." GRIFFITH: I have information about that Mexican kid who got killed. Cut to Logan and Hannah in an empty classroom in 214 "Versatile Toppings." LOGAN: Your dad is in deep to the Fitzpatrick family. Cut to Veronica chastising Logan in 215 "The Quick and the Wed." VERONICA: Toying with a sweet little girl's heart just to screw with her dad. Cut to Veronica heading for and opening the metal cupboard in the hangar in 214 "Versatile Toppings." VERONICA: [offscreen] Jackie and I borrowed one of Terrence's cars tonight. I was digging around where he keeps them... Cut to Veronica telling Keith. VERONICA: ...and I found some sort of explosive. Cut to Keith at the hangar in 215 "The Quick and the Wed." KEITH: Is that C-4? LAMB: You'll have to wait for the press conference. Cut to Troy approaching Veronica as she deals with her flat tyre in the car park at Neptune High in 102 "Credit Where Credit's Due." TROY: Flat? VERONICA: Just as god made me. TROY: I'm Troy, by the way. VERONICA: I'm Veronica. Cut to Troy and Veronica making out outside the door to the Mars' apartment in 104 "The Wrath of Con." Cut to Veronica and Troy at his locker in 105 "You Think You Know Somebody." VERONICA: I'm just glad we weren't dating when you were kicked out of those two schools for drug possession and trafficking. End previouslies. INT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), CLASSROOM - DAY. Mrs. Murphy walks through the room passing out papers to the students. Logan, in the back, giggles with the boy sitting next to him. DICK: County Supervisor's office? MRS. MURPHY: Well read, Dick. You've made great strides. So, good news. Mrs. Murphy lays one of the papers on Veronica's desk. Veronica picks it up and starts to read. It's a letter from Woodrow Goodman, County Supervisor, as declared by the heading. Dated February 15, 2006, the letter, addressed to Neptune High School, 3530 Ocean Street, Neptune, CA. 90909, reads as follows: Dear Student, Greetings, my name is Woody Goodman and I am your County Supervisor. I am proud of our students and education system here in Balboa. That's why I am inviting you to participate in my first essay contest as Supervisor. The theme of the contest will revolve around Freedom . In 500 words or less, I'd like you to write an essay about what freedom means to you. Please, feel free to draw from personal experiences, things you've learned in class or read on your own. Creativity counts, so think long, hard and don't be afraid to tackle tough issues. As with all contests, there's no incentive to participate without a prize and it has to be a good one, right? Well, the lucky winner gets a week long internship with me, Woody Goodman, as my apprentice. You'll have an opportunity to learn about civic affairs, political manipulation and corruption aversion tactics. But wait. There's more! My apprentice will also get the historic opportunity to push the plunger for the demolition of old Shark Stadium! So, sharpen your pencils, boot your computers and let your mind explore what freedom means to you. Good luck, Woody Goodman, Balboa County Supervisor. MRS. MURPHY: You are no longer writing about the use of mythic archetype in Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. DICK: All right. Logan, pen cap in his mouth, grins at Dick's enthusiasm. MRS. MURPHY: You are all instead entering our Mayor Woody Goodman's county-wide essay contest on the subject of... On a board that sets out the day's poems of William Blake, "London," The Tyger," and "The Lamb," she writes the word as she says it. MRS. MURPHY: Freedom. Logan lifts his head. The students all turn to look at him, giving him whistles, cheers and congratulations, including the guy next to him who calls for a high-five. GUY: Logan! Logan does, then casts a cautious look at Veronica who glances back at him but is less celebratory. MRS. MURPHY: The winner gets a week's internship as Woody's apprentice, which means an opportunity to learn about civic affairs, a plum entry on your college applications, and - this might interest you, Dick - a chance to stand beside Woody Goodman on TV and push the plunger for the demolition of old Sharks Stadium. DICK: Nuke the stadium? Damn, now I totally wish I could write good. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY. The students file out of the classroom, Logan preceding Veronica. VERONICA: So, you should be able to write quite an essay on Freedom. How does it feel to have your case dismissed? LOGAN: Well, freedom feels liberating. They walk together up the hallway. VERONICA: I've see you've got your title. And did Hannah understand why you wouldn't be seeing her anymore? Logan drops his head and doesn't respond. VERONICA: You didn't tell her, did you. Wallace, coming down the hallway reading a Hearst College brochure, pauses as he sees them. VERONICA: [offscreen] You owe her an explanation. LOGAN: [offscreen] What exactly am I supposed to say? Wallace starts walking towards them as Veronica and Logan stare at each other. Logan walks off and Veronica scoffs in disbelief. Wallace joins her. WALLACE: Man, you believe it about Logan? That guy's like a cat. VERONICA: You mean useless and selfish? WALLACE: [scoffs] I mean like nine lives. They start walking together. WALLACE: Just wish I knew how he does it. VERONICA: That's funny. I do know how he does it, and I wish I didn't. What you got? WALLACE: The pamphlet? From the Hearst packet that we both got. In the envelope that we both got that you didn't open. Veronica plays with her hair, pulling a thick strand over her face to form a moustache. VERONICA: Oh, that. WALLACE: You know the average SAT score for a Hearst freshman? 1280. VERONICA: And you got an 1140, so you're doomed, and we can kiss this [makes air quotes] "Get to Know Hearst" weekend goodbye. WALLACE: Not so fast. Now, if you average in my points, assists, and free-throw percentage, it all balances out. Now that coach says it's down to me and one other guy for that scholarship, so we are going. Come on. You'll like it. It's a good school. VERONICA: And if it were in, say, Maine, I'd be excited. But it's in Neptune, so I'm not excited. I'll go, but just to skip school, which excites me. EXT - NHS - DAY. Logan receives high-fives and pats as he exits the school. As he turns into the direction of the car park, Hannah appears before him, trying to give him her own high-five to which Logan does not respond, instead carrying on towards the car park. Hannah keeps pace. HANNAH: Don't leave me hanging. Okay, forget five. Give me two. Hannah kisses him on the cheek. Logan still can't look at her. HANNAH: Where have you been all day? Hannah wipes her lip gloss off of Logan's cheek. He wipes his cheek himself as Hannah takes his unresponsive hand. HANNAH: I wanted to congratulate you on your big news, but I couldn't find you. I ended up telling the janitor that your locker was mine and I forgot my combination so he'd open it up and I could leave you a little surprise. But I made it before I heard they dropped the charges, so keep that in mind. LOGAN: You lied to a janitor? HANNAH: I've resigned myself to burning in hell. You know, all the girls on track are jealous of me. LOGAN: I'm sure they could burn in hell, too, if they'd just, uh, put in the effort. HANNAH: No. They're jealous because after the meet on Sunday, they're going to Wrestler's Ranch and I'm going sailing with this totally hot senior. Logan finally screws up his resolve and brings them to a halt, facing her. LOGAN: We can't see each other any more. Hannah's smile fades. HANNAH: What? Logan shakes his head. He tries to get some words out but fails. HANNAH: So, what, is this some kind of weird joke that's going over my head? LOGAN: I mean you're a really sweet girl, but... HANNAH: But what? LOGAN: But I'm not a sweet guy. Hannah just stares at him. He turns and walks away from her. HANNAH: Look, if this is really some kind of joke... Logan pauses and looks back at her standing where he left her. HANNAH: ...please tell me the punch line soon. Logan backs away, then turns, nearly running away. HANNAH: 'Cause I could really use the laugh about now. Hannah's voice breaks as she watches him go. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Students mill over the grounds. One in a blue sweater heads purposefully towards one group. DEAN: All right, hey, is this the tour? All right, everyone gather round. Veronica and Wallace are sitting on the grass. They get up to join the group, staying at the back. DEAN: Um, welcome to the little slice of liberal-arts paradise known as Hearst College. Um, my name is Dean. I'm going to be your tour guide. So, as you know, this is going to be a three-day tour, and it's important that we all get to know each other. So, right now, we're gonna play a little get-to-know-you game. So everyone-everyone pair up. Veronica and Wallace, wearing name tags, grin at each other. Pairs of students start to form. DEAN: Um, make sure it's someone that you don't already know. Veronica groans. Wallace looks over to his left and sees a pair of girls in the same predicament. One of them wanders towards the bulk of the group, leaving a pretty black girl who smiles at Wallace. Wallace looks back at Veronica. WALLACE: Sorry. I don't know her. Wallace joins the girl, leaving Veronica alone. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And so it turns out college is very much like high school. DEAN: Okay, so, we're gonna play a game called "Two Truths and a Lie." Does everyone have a buddy? Veronica reluctantly raises her hand. Dean walks forward to join her. DEAN: All alone? VERONICA: It's all right. I prefer it. DEAN: Lie. See, that's how the game works. [to the group] You have to tell your partner two facts and one lie and they have to guess which one is the lie, all right? Dean returns his attention to Veronica. DEAN: Okay, so, um, go ahead. VERONICA: Okay, I'm Veronica, I'm from Neptune, and I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. DEAN: Oh, how'd that go? VERONICA: It was a bit of a letdown. DEAN: Hmm. Well, uh, I don't believe that you're from Neptune. VERONICA: Wrong. Is that the end? DEAN: Um, okay, well, uh, my name is Dean, I'm from Wheaton, Illinois, uh, my father owns a Ford dealership, and I also shot a man in Reno, but it was not to watch him die. It was for other issues. VERONICA: Your father doesn't sell Fords. DEAN: That's right. Toyotas. How did you know? VERONICA: It's all in the eyes. DEAN: All right, well, I guess I'll have to watch out for you next year. VERONICA: Oh, I won't be attending. DEAN: All right. Enough lies. Dean spots something over her shoulder. DEAN: Oh, I think I've got you a new partner. [to the newcomer] Are you with the tour? VOICE: Yeah, that's right. DEAN: Okay, come meet potential new classmate Veronica. Veronica, meet... It's Troy. He stumbles a little as he sees her. VERONICA: Troy Vandegraff. DEAN: Uh, do you two know each other? 'Cause you're not supposed to be with someone that you know. VERONICA: Nope. I don't know him at all. Opening credits. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING. DEAN: Okay. Dean pats Troy on the back and leaves him and Veronica to continue the game. TROY: Uh, so, this is weird. Um. How you been, Veronica? VERONICA: Lie. I don't believe you're really interested. Next statement. TROY: Yeah, okay, I-I can understand that after what I did, but I'm sor-- VERONICA: I don't think you understand the rules of this game. You only get one lie. TROY: Okay. Uh, let me start over. Three statements, one false. Uh, my name is Troy. I was a bad boy when we dated, but after a year of private school, therapy, quitting drugs, and dumping my loose-cannon ex-girlfriend, I've changed into a more or less good boy. And I communicate telepathically with all denizens of the sea. Veronica smiles tightly. VERONICA: Right. So, how long before I catch you talking to a manatee? TROY: And you have changed not at all. VERONICA: You know me. Same-old, same-old. DEAN: All right, everyone. Follow me, please. Uh, we're gonna get the tour started, so just come this way. Stay in a group. Veronica picks up her bag and heads towards Dean. TROY: I'm not lying to you, Veronica. I just wanted you to know that. She turns back to face him. VERONICA: Do I care? Really, Troy, you're just water under the bridge. Veronica turns around and carries on. Troy follows slowly behind her. VERONICA: [to herself] Duplicitous, evil water. They follow the group as it is led on by Dean. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY. A locker opens. It's Logan's and he pauses when he sees a large pink box on top of his books. He pulls it out. On the top is written "Just in case." The dot on the letter I of "in" is in the form of a heart. Logan opens the box. It's a large square cake decorated with a plaque of icing that features an escaping convict and the words "Get out of jail free" on it. Logan smiles, then closes the box quickly as Dick bears down on him. DICK: Dude, so, we hanging this weekend, or that chick still have your sac locked up in her Easy Bake Oven? Logan puts the box back in his locker and closes it before Dick reaches him. LOGAN: Actually, I am now a free man. Logan spins away from his locker and starts to walk with Dick down the hallway. DICK: The way we should be, man. They do an extended high-five. LOGAN: We? What happened to Madison? DICK: Bailed. According to her friend, she met someone more mature. LOGAN: Where, at Lego Land? Dick scoffs. DICK: Whatever, man. Maturity's like one of the two most over-rated things on the planet. LOGAN: The other being? DICK: Chicks. LOGAN: Oh, so this worked out great for you. DICK: Dude, why do you think I'm in such a good mood? Logan laughs. DICK: Screw it. This weekend, you and me, partying like Ozzie. Logan laughs again. INT - HEARST COLLEGE - NIGHT. Music: "I Hate It That I Got What I Wanted" by Clearlake. LYRICS: I know, I know I can't complain And it doesn't help when you've only got yourself to blame I don't know what got into me But I don't expect that I'll get any sympathy 'Cause I hate it that I got what I wanted I don't want it anymore And I hate to say you told me But you told me once before I hate it that I got what I wanted 'Cause I don't want it anymore And I hate to say you told me But you told me once before You know, it's never quite enough And I don't know what it was that I was thinking of You know, no matter what I try It just doesn't ever really seem to satisfy I hate it that I got what I wanted 'Cause I don't want it anymore And I hate to say you told me But you told me once before I hate it that I got what I wanted 'Cause I don't want it anymore And I hate to say you told me But you told me once before I hate it that I got what I wanted 'Cause I don't want it anymore And I hate to say you told me But you told me once before I hate it that I got what I wanted 'Cause I don't want it anymore And I hate to say you told me But you told me once before You told me once before You told me once before You told me once before There's a party going on. Veronica and Wallace weave their way into it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So it seems Hearst College pretty much has it all: a campus combining modern facilities with the best traditions of learning, check. Stacy, standing in front of a "Blame Adam" poster, is talking to a long-haired guy in a Phi Sigma Sigma sweatshirt. STACY: No, Heidegger's fine if you're a Nazi. The guy, Gordon, chuckles. Dean also makes his way down the outer hallway to enter the main room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A student body composed of diverse, interesting, smart people? Check. The camera scans the party before it finds Veronica, looking bored to tears as one of the students, Drew, hits on her. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And drunken doofuses who corner you to tally your points? Check. DREW: So, you're blonde - thirty points. And a natural, too, another twenty. You are super-cute, fifty points. And you're kind of, like, sassy. VERONICA: So, sassy's good? DREW: More like a degree of difficulty thing. Thirty points. And, you're a pro-fro, eighty points. VERONICA: So, if someone were to have s*x with me, they'd walk away with 210 points? DREW: That's high. You should be psyched. VERONICA: I am. Inside. DREW: So, what do you think, then? About us getting busy? VERONICA: Can I have your beer? DREW: Sure. He hands Veronica her beer which Veronica then throws in his face. DREW: Damn! Grow a sense of humor, you crazy bitch! Veronica shrugs. VERONICA: I would, if something funny would ever happen. Drew picks up another large plastic cup of beer, ready to reciprocate. DREW: Yeah, tell me how you like it. Veronica anticipates and pushes the cup so the contents spill over him. DREW: Oh! VERONICA: It's fun, but it's getting kind of old. Veronica turns to walk away but Drew grabs her arm and pulls himself in front of her, much to Veronica annoyance. DREW: You do that again-- TROY: Hey! Drew looks up as Troy joins them. TROY: You'll what? Let her go, or I'll make sure you regret it. DREW: What? TROY: I think the implication is clear. You're gonna let her go of your own initiative, or uh, do I have to-- Drew pulls back his fist and punches Troy in the face. Troy goes down. Veronica is exasperated as Drew mocks the supine Troy. DREW: [grunt-speak] Initiative. Veronica helps Troy up as he clutches his jaw. VERONICA: As much as I appreciate that display of chivalry, uh, I had it covered. Drew joins a friend who congratulates him. Troy faces Veronica. TROY: Well maybe I wanted to demonstrate that I really had changed. VERONICA: So, you're no longer evil. You're stupid. Congratulations. Stacy hurries up to Troy. STACY: God, that guy is such a tool. Can I get you a beer or something? TROY: Uh, how about if I get you one? STACY: So, chivalry isn't dead. Just can't fight. Yeah, let's go. She grabs Troy's hand and starts to pull him away. VERONICA: Smooth. TROY: Hey, some things I can't change. End music: "I Hate It That I Got What I Wanted" by Clearlake. Music: "Crank It Out" by Ari Shine. Elsewhere at the party, Wallace bids farewell to a girl he has been talking to as Veronica joins him. GIRL: Bye. WALLACE: Yeah, all right then. Veronica gives him a knowing glance at his ability to attract the ladies. WALLACE: Ooh. I'm gonna like it here. Wallace laughs. WALLACE: How you doing? You weirded out Troy's here? VERONICA: Nah. Water under the bridge. She nods vigorously, assuring him that she means it. Dean joins them. DEAN: Hey, my pro-fros. Fun party, huh? WALLACE: Not bad. I actually talked to a cute girl about Kierkegaard. Wallace peers down the hallway, trying to spot the girl. WALLACE: Made me wish I knew something about Kierkegaard. DEAN: Yeah. Isn't that cool? I mean, in high school, you know, parties are just guys getting drunk and scamming on chicks. But here, you have intellectual conversations. WALLACE: Right. DEAN: [to Veronica] Like I saw you talking to that guy. What'd you talk about? VERONICA: Jane Austen. But he dissed Pride and Prejudice, so I had to throw a beer on him. Dean smiles, not having a clue as to what she's talking about. (She's talking about fans on TWoP whose burning hatred for Jackie Cook on her introduction was frequently explained as a response to her utter temerity in dissing P&P in 203 "Cheatty, Cheatty, Bang, Bang," a reaction that surprised the show's writers.) Wallace laughs. VERONICA: I'm kind of colleged out. Wallace nods. DEAN: Yeah, all right. Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow. Veronica and Wallace take their leave. Dean sets out back up the hallway, calling out to them in farewell... DEAN: Go Hearst! Veronica and Wallace thread their way through the room. Wallace notes something to which he draws Veronica's attention. WALLACE: There goes your water. Veronica turns to see. Troy is leaving the party with Stacy. Troy and Stacy pause and start making out. Stacy pushes them both, still kissing, past a turn in the corridor. Wallace checks Veronica. She's amused and shakes her head. Veronica follows Wallace up another hallway, passing Drew who is scoring another girl. DREW: I mean, whoo, your body? Slamming. That's like fifty points right there. Veronica passes without comment but halts a bit further on, unable to stomach Drew objectifying and scoring another girl. She turns and walks back to him. DREW: And this might sound like a weird question, but you're not an orphan, are you? Veronica zaps him with a stun gun. DREW: Oh! He shakes, pours his beer all over himself and drops. The girl he was talking to laughs and glances at Veronica in gratitude. Veronica strides away. End music: "Crank It Out" by Ari Shine. EXT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL - DAY. The camera pans up the front of the building. KEITH: [offscreen] Yeah, twelfth floor. Just got off... INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, TWELFTH FLOOR - CONTINUING. Keith, cell phone to his ear, appears in the hallway from the lift. KEITH: ...the elevator, got the keycard, but it took some smooth talking. I don't see why you couldn't just open the door. Keith opens the door of one of the rooms and comes to an abrupt stop. Cliff, dresses only in socks and with only a crumpled sheet protecting his modesty, lies on the room's bed, handcuffed to the ornate headboard. CLIFF: It's a funny story, actually. Just, please, don't judge. You can laugh privately, later. Keith closes up his phone and shuts the door of the room. KEITH: I don't suppose you, uh, have a key? He moves to the bedside table and puts the receiver on the hook, cutting off the dial tone emitting from it on the loudspeaker. Cliff groans loudly. Keith gets a small tool out of his wallet. KEITH: So, can I ask you a question? He rests on one knee on the bed at he picks the lock of the handcuffs. CLIFF: Well, she said her name was Daphne. KEITH: No, no, no. How did you call me? CLIFF: Acrobatically. I might have pulled a hamstring. KEITH: Okay, then. Next question... Cliff is released. He sits up in the bed with another groan and immediately reaches for the open bottle of wine on the bedside table. He takes a long swig. He sighs as he begins to dress. CLIFF: Last night was the convention of the South Coast OB-GYN Society, the most-sued medical specialty. So I make it a point to swing by every year and spread my card around. KEITH: And you met a hell of a lady doc? CLIFF: Hell of a lady, yes. Doctor? We met at the bar. I was extremely charming, and an hour later, I'm invited up to her room. Champagne is ordered. One thing leads to another... KEITH: Why don't you think she was an OB-GYN? CLIFF: Well, one, she appeared to know less about medicine than I do. Cliff looks around the room. CLIFF: And, two, she seems to have stolen my briefcase. Keith nods and throw Cliff his pants. KEITH: Mm-hmm. They land on Cliff's head and slide down his face. Cliff sighs loudly again. CLIFF: Thanks. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. A phone rings. A possibly hung-over, or at least very tired, Veronica wrestles with the bedclothes. VERONICA: Dad, the phone is ringing. Veronica pulls the pillow up on each side of her face to try and block out the sound. VERONICA: [groaning] Loudly. In the front room, there's a note in front of the phone which reads, "Gone on puzzling errand. Back later. Dad." The answer machine has picked up the call just as Veronica shuffles to it. TROY: [on phone] Veronica, it's, uh, it's Troy. If you're there, please pick up, okay? Veronica doesn't, instead reading Keith's note. TROY: [on phone] Please pick up. Veronica picks up and answers the phone. VERONICA: Troy, how was your evening? TROY: [on phone] Not so good. I'm, uh, at the police station. VERONICA: You're where? INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Veronica rounds the corner into the busy department. She checks one of the offices. She then sees Troy sitting by the desk of one of the deputies. Veronica walks towards him. Lamb, at the opposite wall, notices Veronica's arrival as he talks to a deputy. VERONICA: What are you doing here? Troy smiles humourlessly. TROY: The usual. Hair and blood samples, cheek swab. You remember that girl from the party last night, Stacy? Well, I guess she got date-raped. LAMB: Actually, no. Lamb approaches from behind a shocked Veronica. LAMB: When they use roofies to knock 'em out, then shave their head afterward, we drop the date part. Lamb walks off, leaving Veronica staring hard at Troy. TROY: Don't look at me like that, Veronica. I swear to god, I didn't do it. You got to help me. Cut to a little later. Veronica and Troy are standing out in the corridor, leading to the other County offices. They talk in urgent whispers. TROY: God, Veronica, roofie and rape someone? Shave their head? What kind of sick head do you think I am? VERONICA: I don't really know much about the inside of your head, do I. Troy sits in one of the chairs. VERONICA: Why do they think you did it? TROY: I was the last thing that Stacy remembered before she passed out. Everyone saw us go upstairs together. There's hair and fibers of mine on her. And when they tested my clothes from last night... VERONICA: What did they find? TROY: That they'd just been washed. Veronica scoffs in disbelief. VERONICA: You did laundry at three in the morning? Veronica pauses as a woman passes between them in the narrow hallway. VERONICA: Why would the cops be suspicious of that? God, Troy. TROY: Look, yes, we went upstairs and fooled around. Strictly PG13. And then she pukes all over me. But, being the chivalrous guy I now am... Veronica shakes her head. Troy sighs. TROY: I cleaned up. I took off her shoes. I tucked her in, and then I went to wash my only change of clothes at the all-night laundry. That is the truth, I swear. VERONICA: [sharply] If... Veronica sinks into the chair next to him, wagging her finger. VERONICA: ...I decide you're guilty, I'll help hold the hammer while they nail you to the wall. Troy nods. VERONICA: Do you remember anything else about last night? Anyone hanging around her? TROY: I remember getting the stink-eye from this guy who was hitting on her earlier. VERONICA: What guy? TROY: Long, dark hair, blue sweatshirt with like, uh, pi sign. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith and Cliff are in Keith's office, in front of the TV. Cliff is sitting on a chair, trying to get a bottle of aspirin open. KEITH: So, Daphne registered under a false name and credit card. Keith slips a video into the machine on top of the television. KEITH: Dead end there, so I got the elevator security tape from last night. Keith perches on his desk and pushes the button on the remote. Cliff finally gets his aspirin. CLIFF: Well, you must be on good terms with the Neptune Grand security people. Cliff chews the aspirin, his face twisting in displeasure. KEITH: When my daughter dated a billionaire's kid living alone in the president's suite, me and the security guys got pretty tight. CLIFF: Mmm. On the TV is footage from the lift. Keith sets it on fast forward. KEITH: So what was in the briefcase that anyone might want to swipe? CLIFF: Just case files. A drunken assault, a lewd conduct, a fraud, a divorce - aha! Hello, Daphne. As Cliff points at the screen, Keith pauses the video. A woman stands alone in the lift. Across the bottom is the label 05:53:12+11 PM. Keith runs the video forward again. KEITH: 5:53, she checks in. You actually believed she was a gynaecologist? Keith looks down at Cliff who refuses to be embarrassed and ignores him. Keith giggles. CLIFF: So, other than the files, it's an address book, receipts, some keys, I believe a copy of Elle magazine, but I forget why. Oh, and the murder case files. KEITH: Logan Echolls? Which ones? CLIFF: Everything. What wasn't in the briefcase is in their storage locker, which...is one of the keys. But that case was dismissed, so it's... Keith slows the tape again when he reaches the footage of Cliff and the woman making out in the lift. KEITH: At 10:15 you're on your way up. On the tape, Cliff is enthusiastic. KEITH: My god, Cliff, you're like a wild animal. Is that what the kids call motorboatin'? CLIFF: I have a zest for life. So sue me. Keith laughs. KEITH: Look. Timed at 02:01:02+03 AM, Lamb enters the lift, joining a woman. He looks behind him warily. CLIFF: Lamb? Lamb and the woman make out for seven minutes before they are interrupted. They appear to be interrupted again a few minutes later by Cliff's honey trap bait, carrying a briefcase. Lamb is seen to speak to her. KEITH: It appears Lamb has a bit of a zest for life himself. 2:11, there's your briefcase. Lamb appears to know your gynaecologist. Veronica thumps about in the main office. VERONICA: Don't mind me. Just keep doing whatever that is. KEITH: Uh, just work. I thought you had that Hearst thing. VERONICA: On my way. I just need an address. Veronica is on her laptop. She PlanetZowies for "pi fraternity hearst." She pulls up: "Pi Sigma Sigma Fraternity - Hearst College Chapter. Welcome to the Hearst College Chapter of Pi Sigma Sigma Fratern...itself in charitable work... 11240 Gull Way Neptune, CA 90909 ... www.pisigmasigma.org/hearstCollege/ - 190k." She also gets: "Fraternity Directory. The Fraternity and Sorority system has been around since...Pi Sigma Si...fraternity row ... Hearst students are encouraged to participate in this tra... hearstcollege.org/studentLife/greekLife/directory.htm - 72k." Veronica walks into Keith's office and looks at the screen that Keith and Cliff are viewing. It's Lamb and his squeeze making out again but this time her face can be seen. Veronica leans forward towards the screen. VERONICA: Oh. My. God. I know her. She goes to my school. Her name is Madison Sinclair. EXT - PI SIGMA SIGMA - DAY. The fraternity house is a small two storey house and a little shabby. There is a sofa on the front lawn and a young man lounges on it, reading. Another is sitting on the porch and another on the steps as Veronica approaches. They watch Veronica enter the house. INT - PI SIGMA SIGMA - CONTINUING. The inside is even less impressive and is messy. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Nice. The surfaces are covered with rubbish and old pizza boxes. A young man carries a beer into another room, not noticing Veronica. Another is asleep in an armchair. In the far room, one looks to be playing a video game. VERONICA VOICEOVER : A little more vomit and a dead donkey and you've got a cover spread in Modern Squalor magazine. Veronica notices and moves towards a framed collection of pictures of the Pi Sigma Sigma brothers for 2004-2005, of which there are thirty-nine. Some of the names can be read: Lorne Van Mea, Tripp Duverre, Andrew Barndale (the jerk Veronica stunned), Preston Boone, Rhett Joulet, Mr. Ogletree, Edward O'Sava, Chanter Legris, Jason Pecannie, David White, Gordon Peters (the guy Stacy was talking to before she was taken with Troy), Marvin Edisto. VERONICA VOICEOVER : And doesn't it make sense this is the home of Mr. Points himself? Andrew Barndale. As Veronica studies the pictures, one of the fraternity brothers finally notices her. VERONICA VOICEOVER : And of our Pi Sig brother of the long dark hair, Gordon Peters. CHIP: Hi. Uh, Chip. Sorry, brothers only past the entryway without invitation. VERONICA: Hi, Chip. Is Gordon here? Gordon Peters? CHIP: You might check the hospital. VERONICA: The hospital? CHIP: Had to have his stomach pumped last night. Eighteen shots of vodka: not a good idea. Who knew? VERONICA: Kind of a wuss, huh? Legacy? CHIP: Well, it's only gonna get worse for Gordon when he gets back here. You can leave a message for him on the board if you want. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. The group is gathered together again. DEAN: So, do we have any English Lit or Humanities geeks with us here? No, is that you? English or, uh, maybe a double with Pre-Med? Anyway... Troy is sitting on a bench nearby, away from the group. Veronica walks over to him. TROY: So, did you find him? VERONICA: The Pi Sig who was hitting on Stacy spent the night in the hospital getting his stomach pumped. I double-checked. So what are you doing over here? Looks like Dean's got a great story about the front of that building. TROY: I kind of bailed on the tour. I got tired of the looks, you know? VERONICA: So you figured creepy skulking was a better use of your time? Veronica takes the seat next to him. VERONICA: That won't make you seem guilty. Two girls look at Troy as one whispers to the other. TROY: See? Looks. The girls looks disgusted and turn away. VERONICA: If you can't give me anything more to go on, you might need to get used to it. TROY: My name and number. I left my name and number on her message board. I mean, would I really do that if I had just raped her and shaved off all her hair? VERONICA: So I could go check and your name and number would be there? Troy nods. TROY: Or maybe you could just believe me. VERONICA: I'll check. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE. Dick and Logan are playing a video game. Two characters, one called Scorpion, fight on the screen. DICK: Dude, you know what I'm gonna do to you? LOGAN: No. DICK: First I'm gonna kick your ass, then I'm gonna grab your head and yank out your spine. What do you think about that? Sound okay? Logan is not in the spirit as Dick beats frantically on the controller's buttons. DICK: Boom. Oh! On screen, Dick's character smashes his fist into the other's neck and blood pours out. DICK: Oh, look, look. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Yoink! Logan's character loses his head as the other pulls out his spine through his neck. DICK: Say hello to your spine. It's me, your spine. GAME: Win. Dick, standing in celebration in his "Screw With My Head" T-shirt, looks around at the desultory Logan who is picking up his bottle of beer from a small table. DICK: What? LOGAN: I'm just imagining what Ozzy would think of your concept of partying like Ozzy. Logan moves behind the sofa for some popcorn. DICK: You want to snort a line of ants? I'm in. Come on. We're free men who reject the rule of women. Get into the spirit. I mean, exhibit A. Dick indicates the table next to his seat which bears seven empty beer bottles, and then the other table, which is bare. DICK: Exhibit B. My suspicion is you're afraid to embrace your true nature. LOGAN: Yeah, which is? DICK: We are lone wolves, dude. High-plains drifters, life takers, and heart breakers. LOGAN: Who play video games all day. Logan flicks a beer bottle cap at him. Dick puts the controller down and goes to the front unit, which contains a small fridge. DICK: We don't give a damn about what other people say, 'cause we don't give a rat's ass. Dick opens the door and pulls out the pink box. Logan joins him and gets another beer from the fridge as Dick opens the top and sees Hannah's cake. DICK: Dude. You got cake. Dick starts to cut into it. DICK: What the hell, man? Logan looks over his shoulder as Dick pulls out a file. DICK: What is this? Logan smiles slightly. LOGAN: It's nothing. It's a file. It's a joke. Dick slides the cake off of the file and into his mouth, laughing. LOGAN: But you're right. Life-takers and heart breakers. To not giving the ass of a rat. Logan taps his bottle against the file and chugs his beer. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DORM HALLWAY - DAY. Veronica strides up the hall, heading for Stacy's door which is at the end. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Would Troy actually lie about his name and number? On the wall next to Stacy's door is a white board with various messages written on it, including one that says "We got ur back girlfriend." VERONICA VOICEOVER: Despite my deep reserves of ill will, do I really believe he could be that horrible? In the bottom right corner, is Troy's name and number, partially rubbed off, above the letters CCC in a circle. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, it's half there, and he's only half horrible. Stacy's door opens. She's wearing a hat. STACY: Do you need something? VERONICA: Uh, no. I was just... Veronica starts to walk away but reconsiders and looks back. VERONICA: Um... She walks back to Stacy. VERONICA: I'm Veronica. I was at the party last night. STACY: That was, like, the best party ever, right? How was your rape? VERONICA: Uh... STACY: So, what, are you like dropping off some pamphlets or something? VERONICA: No. Um...a pamphlet's not gonna cover it. It's just gonna suck. And then it'll suck less. I'm sorry to bother you. Veronica turns and walks away until halted by Stacy's question. STACY: Did they catch the guy from the party? Veronica isn't sure how to answer. VERONICA: It was kind of complicated. I don't really know what happened. I think they're just trying to get all the facts straight. STACY: The facts are straight. I know who it was. I just want some biblical justice. Stacy rips off the hat, showing her patchy scalp. STACY: He shaved my head! Veronica really doesn't know what to say but walks back towards Stacy, sympathetic. Before she reaches her, Stacy notices something on the floor. STACY: What's that? VERONICA: I don't know. It was here. Stacy bends down and picks up a shoe box placed on the floor under the white board. She opens it then drops it immediately with a gasp. It is full of hair. VERONICA: [shocked] Oh, god. That is just... Stacy picks up the box again and peers inside. STACY: But that's not my hair. Veronica is stunned as a thought occurs to her. VERONICA: It's not yours? A girl comes out of the room and heads for them. JEN: Stacy? Are you okay? She brushes past Veronica to stand with Stacy, casting Veronica an accusatory look. VERONICA: Did you see who delivered that box? JEN: [to Stacy] What is she doing here? STACY: Nothing. She was at the party. JEN: Yeah, I know. She was there with him, Stacy. STACY: What? They both stare at Veronica. JEN: She's here trying to help him get off the hook. Veronica sighs. INT - TORI'S WIG SHOP - DAY. Veronica walks past shelves of bewigged plastic heads towards a counter where two women are teasing another couple of wigs. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, if someone sent Stacy a box of hair that wasn't hers, there's a chance she's not the only victim and there's another girl at Hearst forced to wear a wig. And so it's now time for me to clinch that Emmy nomination. Veronica targets the woman working on a bright pink wig. VERONICA: Hi. I'm looking for someone. She would have come in for a wig during the past couple of months. TORI: Can you narrow it down, hon? We get a lot of-- VERONICA: Her head would have been completely shaved. TORI: Oh, chemo. Veronica nods sadly. VERONICA: She decided to give up on treatment and run away from home. TORI: Oh. There was a girl a month ago. The woman stops teasing the wig and heads for the cash register counter where she starts leafing though a sales record book. VERONICA: Do you have a name? The woman looks up from her perusal, suspicious. TORI: You don't know her name? Because we don't just give out custom-- VERONICA: Ma'am, she's run away. Veronica turns on the angst and the tears as melodramatic music starts to play. VERONICA: She's scared and she's alone. We don't even want to know how she's making her money. She's given up on life. And she thinks she's sparing us the pain, but not knowing where she is or what name she's using or whether she's safe, it's torture. Please, ma'am, she's my sister. The woman, whose face has softened with sympathy, suddenly shuts the book. TORI: I'm sorry. This girl was Hawaiian. Veronica instantly returns to normal. VERONICA: Oh. She turns and strides out of the store. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DORM HALLWAY - DAY. Veronica knocks on Dean's open door. DEAN: Oh, hey. Um, you know the tour doesn't start until noon? VERONICA: If I wanted to find a Hawaiian girl, where would I start? DEAN: In Hawaii? I'm so-- I don't understand what you... VERONICA: Hawaiian students at Hearst. DEAN: Oh, the Pacific Islander kids. Um, well, some of them have, like, a lunch group thing at Student Union on weekends. VERONICA: Thanks. Veronica leaves but as she passes another door, she spots something that pulls her up. She walks back to the door and the white board on it. It bears the Roman numerals CL in a circle. VERONICA: Dean? DEAN: Yeah? She points to the Roman numerals. VERONICA: What does this mean, CL? Dean comes out of his room and joins her in front of the white board. DEAN: Oh, uh, that's a score. It's 150 in roman numerals. It's a Pi Sig thing. They have, like, a, you know, a contest for scoring girls or something. VERONICA: Fifty points for a blonde. Thirty points for sassy. DEAN: Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know if you get points for being sassy, but yeah. I think the rumor is that they have a board in the basement that they keep score on, and if the pledges don't score high enough, then they're punished. VERONICA: Punished? DEAN: They shave your head. Um, the contest ended at midnight. It's stupid anyway, you know. VERONICA: Good ole Pi Sigs. Thanks, Dean. DEAN: Sure. Veronica, who has pulled out her phone, starts to make a call as she walks away. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY. Cliff and Keith, both holding large brown envelopes, are seated in two of the waiting area chairs. Keith is grinning broadly. Cliff jerks his finger, indicating Lamb's arrival into the department. A deputy leaves as Lamb enters. DEPUTY: Sheriff. Lamb glances down at Keith but keeps going, ignoring him. Keith stands. KEITH: Don, would you have time for a question? Lamb, halfway to his office, turns back and sighs. LAMB: For the two of you? Always. KEITH: We're just looking for a little help here. Keith slides a photo of Cliff's false paramour out of the envelope and shows it to Lamb. KEITH: Do you know this woman? LAMB: No. We got to do this again some time. Lamb turns and starts walking away again. KEITH: You sure? Keith pulls out another photo and holds it up for Lamb to see. Lamb walks impatiently back towards him to look. It shows Lamb talking to the woman. He snorts and holds up his hands. LAMB: You got me. I rode an elevator with her. She asked the time, and I tell her. Again Lamb strides away, only to be pulled back. CLIFF: Uh, Sheriff? Just a couple more shots. Cliff jerks his head, indicating the desire for privacy. Keith watches, a beatific look on his face, enjoying what's to come. CLIFF: I want to emphasize, this should not be construed as coercion. We're just showing you a picture. From his envelope, Cliff pulls out a picture of Lamb with Madison in a compromising position. KEITH: That's Madison Sinclair, who I believe takes World History with my daughter. Lamb holds the picture close to his chest and glances around. LAMB: So, what, this isn't blackmail? She's 18. That's legal. KEITH: Sounds like a swell campaign slogan for the next election. This triggers Cliff to pull out his second picture. It's a mock up of a flyer. Over a picture of Lamb and Madison in an even more compromising position is written "18-It's Legal" at the top and "Re-Elect Don Lamb" at the bottom, together with the video's time stamp. This one finally knocks the arrogance out of Lamb as he grabs it and hides it behind the other. Keith shows him the first picture again. KEITH: We just want to know who this first woman is. LAMB: She's an escort. I've busted her a few times. She hires out as a Sugar Jones. KEITH: Great. Thanks, Don. LAMB: Mmm. Keith exits. Cliff points to the flyer. CLIFF: I'd vote for you. He then follows Cliff as Lamb tears up the flyer and photo in his hands. INT - PI SIGMA SIGMA - DAY. [SCENE_BREAK] Wallace is getting the tour. DREW: If you get that scholarship, you got to join. When I got here, I was like, I totally want to be a Pi. WALLACE: Uh, yeah, yeah. Once when I was little, I wanted to be ice cream. DREW: Dude, Pi Sig Sig. You're hilarious. You'll totally fit in. So, that's members only down there. The kitchen is through here. As Drew rounds the corner towards the kitchen, Wallace holds back long enough to unlock a window before following. Veronica is waiting on the other side. She climbs in and sneaks towards the basement door, amidst distant shouts of the unseen brothers. FRAT CHATTER: I'm putting it back, all right? Check this out, man. This is great. In the basement, there's a foosball table, a dartboard, an old couch and posters on the walls. Veronica makes her way to a board, switching on a light to see it. The board has four sections, each divided into three columns. The first column has a nickname, the second a Roman numeral and the third space to add mementos or proofs like pictures, panties and bras. The nicknames include Mr. Task Master, Ice Man, Drill Man, Big Dave, Big Boy, Tha Doctor, Dan #2, Tiny #2, Psycho, Moon, Bird Dawg, Ratse, Shredder, Scumbo, Jumbo, The Trickster, Scrote, Freako, Corky, Mr. Roofie, Goat Boy, Bombero, Cow Poke, El Suave, Nut Case, Bone Head, The Reveler, Smalls, The Bomb, Mustard Man, The Funster. Veronica stares at the board in distaste. VERONICA VOICEOVER: C in roman numerals is 100, so the big question is, did any of these delightful people score the three Cs I saw circled on Stacy's door? Veronica studies the board before starting to take pictures. She then sees a picture of herself in one of the memento columns. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And someone with the handle Bird Dawg says he scored me? That is wrong both factually and ontologically. There, 300 points. And the hero of the hour? Of course his name is Iceman. GORDON: Hey. Veronica is interrupted as Gordon arrives in the basement. GORDON: You can't be down here. Gordon, wearing a cap, shouts up the stairs. GORDON: Ice! Hey, Iceman? CHIP: Yo. Chip races down the stairs. GORDON: There's some chick in the sanctum. They both stare and Veronica, looming ever closer. CHIP: What the hell are you doing here? [shouting] This is off-limits! A commercial break moment later, Chip is calmer. CHIP: Look, you're clearing out. Pronto. Okay? Veronica points to his entry on the board. VERONICA: 300 points? Nice work. Chip takes Veronica's arm, starting to lead her away from the board. CHIP: Look. This is our business. I don't have to apologize. Veronica holds her ground. VERONICA: For being a rapist? Nice. I admire a principled stand. CHIP: What are you talking about? VERONICA: I'm talking about 300 points, exactly the score you goons wrote on Stacy's door the night she was roofied and raped. Chip and Gordon glance at each other. VERONICA: But the jury will understand. After all, you had to do it or your frat brothers would shave off your awesome Ryan Seacrest hairdo. CHIP: I didn't get those 300 points for Stacy Wells. GORDON: Yeah, he nailed the Dean's wife. CHIP: Zip it, Gordo. Look, no one here ever touched Stacy. Veronica stares at Gordon. VERONICA: You're Gordon? What happened to the rock-star locks? You mean, Pi Sigs don't give points for rape? Stacy's gonna hate hearing that no good came out of Friday night. GORDON: I don't give a flying nun what she thinks. All right, she's a total tease. She's coming on to me all night, then she blew me off for some other dude who called her bluff. Boo hoo. Drew arrives from upstairs. CHIP: Bird Dawg. Do you want to show this young lady out? VERONICA: Thanks, I know the way. Oh, and you might want to get your clippers, because unless being electrocuted counts, Bird Dawg here never scored these 240 points. Veronica rips her picture off of the board. DREW: It was 210. VERONICA: You undercounted the sassy. Veronica crumples the picture and throws it at him as she leaves. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica approaches a table of students. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And this looks like it must be the Pacific Islander lunch group. Now, who might be wearing a wig. A girl at the table has very bright pink hair. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I think I'll follow a hunch. Veronica walks up to the table and smiles. VERONICA: Excuse me. Hi, I'm working on a play for the theater department, and I need to find a place that does custom wigs. Did you get yours recently, and did you get it around here? The girl is offended. PINK-HAIR: My what, wig? This is my hair. VERONICA: Oh. I...I'm sorry. I thought...Thanks anyway. Veronica slinks away. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Great. A dead end and embarrassing to boot. As she goes, another girl, one who was standing by the table, quietly calls out to her. DAWN: Um, excuse me. You might try Tori's on Pacific. VERONICA: Thanks. Veronica walks on. Cut to a little later. The girl departs from the group. DAWN: Okay, guys, bye. Veronica has been watching and scurries to catch up to her. VERONICA: Hi. Can I talk to you for a second? It's about a girl who was raped and had her head shaved the other night. The girl, Dawn, slows to a halt. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LECTURE ROOM - DAY. As the room empties, Stacy hurries to the front. DEAN HARLOW: Oh, Miss Wells. STACY: Hey, Dean Harlow, I got a message from someone saying you had some information for me. Like about that guy? Dean Harlow is puzzled. She pulls her cell phone out of her bag to check it. DEAN HARLOW: I'm still waiting to hear from the sheriff. I haven't heard anything. Walking towards them is Veronica and Dawn. VERONICA: I left the message. And I do have information. STACY: Troy's being drawn and quartered and I get to kick the pieces? VERONICA: No. STACY: Then I'm not interested. VERONICA: Stacy, it wasn't Troy. He didn't rape you, and he didn't leave the box of hair. STACY: Because good old Troy's a decent, stand-up guy simply not capable of doing something so horrible, right? DAWN: Because it happened to me, too. Dawn removes the long dark wig she wears to show her very short hair. DAWN: A month ago. VERONICA: Whoever did this to you did the same thing to Dawn when Troy was on the other side of the country. I'm not saying it wasn't horrible or you don't deserve justice. I'm just saying someone else did it, and that someone is still out there. STACY: The same thing? Did he send you a box with... VERONICA: No. That was a nasty little gift from a Pi Sig named Gordon Peters. He was bitter because you didn't fall for his charm, and not scoring with the ladies meant getting his head shaved. I think you'll find that hair is his. [to Dean Harlow] And since you're the dean of student affairs, I thought you might be interested. Veronica pulls out the photos she took of the score board in Pi Sigma Sigma and passes them to Dean Harwell. VERONICA: These are some student affairs going on in the basement of the Pi Sig house. Don't think you want that getting into the Hearst brochure. The dean stares at the pictures and then at Veronica. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. The provisional freshman group is gathered together one last time. DEAN: Well, that's it. That's the last you're gonna see me. Um, final event now is Donuts with the Dean in Michael Hall. If I've done my job, you don't have to ask me where that is. Um, so I hope to see you guys next year. The group clap politely. Wallace turns and walks back to Veronica, who is standing a little apart from the rest. WALLACE: I hope so too. Admit it. Hearst ain't half bad. VERONICA: It is. That means half of it might be good. Troy joins them. TROY: Talking about me again? So, they dropped the charges. Thanks, Veronica. Really, I'm not sure that I deserve it, but you're a real friend. VERONICA: How about we just call me an acquaintance with reservations? Troy laughs. TROY: Right. Then, until next time, go Hearst. WALLACE: That's right. Yeah. Troy pats Wallace on the arm and departs. Dean approaches them from another direction. DEAN: Hey. Did you guys hear about the Pi Sigs? WALLACE: Nope. DEAN: They got a semester probation. VERONICA: If it's double-secret probation, there's a serious leak. DEAN: No mixers, no parties, no sports. And it was your photo that nailed them. You don't mess around, do you. Wallace puts his arm around Veronica proudly. WALLACE: That's Veronica Mars. Making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. See, if you come here next year, you've already got enemies. Just feel right at home. Veronica smiles broadly. DEAN: See you. INT - PI SIGMA SIGMA - DAY. Stacy stands at the picture board showing the fraternity brothers. Gordon sheepishly enters from one of the other rooms. GORDON: Heard you wanted to see me. STACY: I did. Stacy, holding the lead of a small dog, reaches into her bag and pulls out a plastic bag full of hair. STACY: I thought you might want your hair back. GORDON: [taken aback] Uh, I don't want that. STACY: Fair enough. Stacy throws the bag up at the ceiling fan. The blades tear apart the bag and scatter the hair everywhere. GORDON: Oh my god! What are you, are you crazy? What are you doing? What? Stacy smiles as she leaps away and leaves Gordon being showered in hair. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Hannah and other girls of the school's track team are walking through the car park, chatting. Hannah sees Logan, propped against the back of the Xterra. She ignores him and carries on walking. Logan pushes himself off and races up behind her. LOGAN: Your dad dropped his testimony so I'd quit seeing you. Hannah slows and turns to face him. The girl next to her pauses too, carrying on when Hannah gestures that it is all right. HANNAH: I figured. So did you ask me out so he'd do it? LOGAN: Yes. HANNAH: And you want me to forgive you. Logan pauses for a moment, then sighs heavily. LOGAN: Yes. Hannah's face softens and she starts to smile. Logan can't believe his good fortune as he rolls his eyes heavenward in thanks before stepping forward and leaning his forehead onto hers. He gently puts his hands on each side of her face. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith is on the sofa, expectant. He senses movement outside the apartment, puts down his magazine and goes to the door. It opens before he reaches it. It's Veronica. KEITH: [surprised] You're back early. VERONICA: Yeah, I ditched the goodbye hugging. Can you believe it? Veronica divests herself of the bags she is carrying. KEITH: You? Miss hug? So, you must be tired. Why don't you lie in your... There's a knock at the door. Veronica goes to answer but notes Keith's unusual efforts to get there first. She pauses, gives him a suspicious look and then opens the door. Sugar Jones stands on the other side in a skimpy red dress and fur coat. SUGAR: Is Keith here? Veronica turns to her father, hidden from Sugar's view behind the door. VERONICA: Dad. Your hooker's here. Keith leans forward to pop his head around the door. KEITH: Escort, honey. So, why don't you go to your room and do your, uh, blog, whatever you kids do. With a smile, Veronica heads for her room. Keith opens the door wide and turns to Sugar. KEITH: Sorry about that. Sugar saunters in, pausing to stroke Keith's bald head. Veronica takes a look back as she closes the door to her room, rolling her eyes. SUGAR: So, what do you got in mind? Keith takes Sugar's coat. Cliff appears from Keith's room. CLIFF: A few questions, to start off. Sugar looks from one man to the other, caught. KEITH: The briefcase. Tell us why you took it and where it went. Sugar sighs and sits down on the couch. SUGAR: Well, I got the call. I show up. The guy offers me triple rate if I pick him up and swipe his briefcase. KEITH: So who's the guy? Sugar starts to look in her bag. SUGAR: Let me see...you know, I think I've got his birth certificate in here somewhere...No. He didn't say. CLIFF: What happened to my briefcase? SUGAR: I gave it to him in the garage. I split. What he did with it, I have no idea. So, is that it? She stands and grabs her coat. CLIFF: I guess so. But, hey, nice work. I really thought...it was all real. Keith opens the door for Sugar who turns back to Cliff. SUGAR: Just the welts, honey. She spins around and leaves a deflated Cliff and amused Keith. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE. Music: "I Know I Know I Know" by Tegan and Sara LYRICS: From hundreds of miles you cry like a baby You plead with me, shout, scream Tell me I'm staying I know, I know, I know I'm still your love Back from the last place that I wanted to fake You laugh with me, shout, scream Now tell me you're staying I know, I know, I know You're still my love The same as I love you You'll always love me too This love isn't good unless It's me and you Box after box and you're still by my side The weather is changing And breaking my stride I know, I know, I know It's just this day The same as I love you You'll always love me too This love isn't good unless It's me and you The lighting in the suite is low. Logan looks up, staring into Hannah's eyes as her head descends towards his. They kiss. Logan is sitting on the end of the sofa. Hannah, who was standing in front of him, put her knees on either side of him and settles onto his lap as they continue kissing. Logan holds her face in his hands, looking deeply into her eyes. He slips her shirt off one of her shoulders. Hannah smiles and they kiss again. She reaches down and Logan lifts his arms over his head so she can pull off his T-shirt. They kiss again. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HALLWAY - CONTINUING. The lights on the lift floor indicator ping in time with the music as the lift travels through floors nine, ten, eleven and reach PH. The door opens on two pairs of male feet. They walk forward in slowed and threatening motion. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUING. Hannah, her shirt now off leaving her in a thin pink vest, is lying underneath the bare-chested Logan as they continue to kiss tenderly. They break and Logan leans down to kiss the side of her neck. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HALLWAY - CONTINUING. The torso of one of the men can be seen. It's someone in the hotel's uniform and he pulls a keycard out of a pocket in his waistcoat. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUING. Logan is further down Hannah's body now, his hand on the zipper of her jeans. He kisses her bare stomach as she strokes his head and arms. Hannah is writhing. Logan pauses and looks up at her face. She smiles and he undoes the button on her jeans. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, HALLWAY - CONTINUING. The keycard is slipped into the lock of the suite. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUING. Hannah raises her hips to Logan's mouth as he kisses her below the waistband of her jeans. Both jerk at the sound to the suite door slamming open. An enraged Tom Griffith pushes in behind the hotel employee. GRIFFITH: Hannah. Hannah scrambles up from under Logan, holding her jeans in place and grabbing her shirt from the floor to hold in front of her. Logan sits back on the couch. HANNAH: Dad? What are you doing here? GRIFFITH: Just get dressed. Griffith grabs her jacket from the ottoman and throws it at her. GRIFFITH: Get dressed! Hannah is frantically trying to do up her jeans. HANNAH: I am! Griffith turns his attention to Logan, taking a step towards him. GRIFFITH: I told you to stay away from her. You're lucky I don't kill you. HANNAH: Daddy! GRIFFITH: Hannah, get your things. Logan shoots up to face Griffith. LOGAN: Don't speak to her like that. GRIFFITH: We had a deal. LOGAN: Yes, "had." Now we don't. But there's nothing you can do that'll stop me from seeing her. Logan glances at Hannah. Griffith leans his face right into Logan's. GRIFFITH: You want to bet? He spins around and grabs Hannah hard by the arm. GRIFFITH: Let's go. Griffith physically pulls Hannah out of the suite. Distressed, she looks back at Logan, as the camera slows. She and Griffith exit the suite. Logan is upset and falls back down onto the sofa. He has his T-shirt crumpled in a ball in his hand. He sinks his face into it, distraught. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica and Keith are eating at the kitchen counter. KEITH: So, you know if you go to Hearst, you could come home and do your laundry on weekends, and we can talk about Nietzsche, the French Revolution, boys, whatever. VERONICA: I told you, Dad, I am going far, far away. It's a deal breaker. KEITH: Hearst is ten whole exits. Veronica is not convinced. She smiles indulgently and leaves the table. Keith grins. Veronica picks up a pile of schoolwork from the coffee table and pulls out Woody's letter on the essay competition. Previously unseen, at the end of the letter in bold is "Winner Pushes the Plunger at Old Shark Stadium!" and the address of the Office of Balboa County Supervisor, 1214 Conch Drive, Neptune, CA 90911. VERONICA: What do you know about plastic explosives? KEITH: Well, that's what I like: a good segue. Keith gets up and starts to clear the dishes away. VERONICA: I mean, where you get them. What they're used for. KEITH: Well, if you're licensed, legitimate uses include, uh, construction, mining, demolition. VERONICA: Demolition? EXT - NHS, LUNCH AREA - DAY. Veronica is eating when she hears a happy Wallace approaching. WALLACE: [reading] Dear Mister Fennel, it is with great pleasure... VERONICA: You got the scholarship? They high-five. WALLACE: Two times. They do it again. Veronica grabs the letter and starts to read. WALLACE: Hearst College, baby, here I come. I am so over this place already. VERONICA: Right there with ya. Elsewhere, Logan is looking for Hannah. He sees some of her friends. LOGAN: Hey, did Hannah miss school today? GIRL: You didn't hear? LOGAN: No. GIRL: Her parents sent her to boarding school in Vermont. She's gone. Logan is devastated and doesn't even hear the muttered accusation. GIRL: Nice going. EXT - SHARKS FIELD - DAY. Veronica, in pink with a short denim skirt and boots, is interviewing the foreman. Both are in hard hats. VERONICA: So, the contest winner gets to push that thing, you know, that thing like Bugs Bunny always pushes, and the stadium explodes? FOREMAN: A plunger, right, but if we did our work right, the stadium implodes. VERONICA: Cool. Using dynamite? FOREMAN: Some, but C-4 mostly. VERONICA: What's C-4? He leads her to a large, unsecured box and opens the lid. It is filled with bars of C-4 and he pulls out one. FOREMAN: Not much to look at, actually, but it does the job. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And it's the exact same stuff I saw in the airplane hangar. As Veronica stares into the box, the foreman notices something beyond them, not to his liking. FOREMAN: [shouting] Danny! I told you to take that crate to section eleven. Veronica looks over to see the source of the foreman's irritation. She recognises Danny Boyd and he recognises her. He smiles slightly. Veronica continues to stare as he carries on with his work. VERONICA VOICEOVER: One more question: is it just a coincidence that Danny Boyd works here, or do I now have to add the Fitzpatricks to the list of people who could have framed Terrence Cook...or even crashed the bus. End.

On a visit to Hearst College , Veronica runs into ex-boyfriend and drug dealer Troy Vandergraff, who claims to have reformed from his old life. The very next day, Troy is charged with a brutal date-rape and asks Veronica to help prove his innocence. Despite achieving his goals through the relationship, Logan feels guilty for hurting Hannah.

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: The apartment. Raj: Knight to queen's bishop-five. Howard: Oh, very nice. What's Leonard going to do? Does he give up the pawn or does he give up the position? Raj: Let's find out. Leonard, ready? Leonard: Ready. Raj: Go. (Leonard sprays an aerosol which lights up laser beams. He tries to negotiate the beams as Howard and Raj sing dramatic music. Eventually he touches one of the beams and a buzzer sounds.) Leonard: Damn it. I slipped. Howard: Too bad. You know the rules of Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Chess. Uh, Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up. Sheldon: Despite my deep love of chess, lasers and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit. Leonard: Why? Sheldon: - Because it's almost eleven o'clock. Leonard: So? Sheldon: So, Penny has a don't knock on my door before eleven o'clock or I punch you in the throat rule. All: Ah. Howard: Hey, you know what'd be a great idea? We get some girls over here and play Laser Obstacle Strip Chess. Leonard: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that, you don't want to see naked. Howard: You underestimate me. Scene: Outside Penny's door. Sheldon stands looking at his watch with his hand poised to knock. At the right moment he starts knocking. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: Hey, Sheldon. Sheldon: It's eleven am. Penny: I know. You're safe. Sheldon: This package came while you were at work. Penny: Oh, great, my rhinestones. Thank you. Sheldon: Excuse me. Penny: What? Sheldon: You have to sign this. Penny: What is it? Sheldon: When I signed for the package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service and entrusted with its final delivery. I now need you to acknowledge receipt of the package so that I'm fully indemnified and no longer liable. Penny: Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones. Sheldon: Well, the contents are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you? Penny: It means nothing to anybody. Come here, let me show you what I'm doing. Sheldon: Bailment describes a relationship in common law where a physical possession of personal property, or chattels, is transferred from one person, the bailor, to another person, the bailee. Penny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, look, look! I started a business. Sheldon: Obviously, not a cleaning business. Penny: No, I'm making flower barrettes. See? I call them Penny Blossoms. I made one for myself, then all the girls at work wanted one. Then I showed some to this lady who runs a shop in Old Town. She sells cards and homemade jewellery. She said she wanted to sell them. I said okay, and in one week, I made a $156. Sheldon: Good for you. Sign here. Penny: Sheldon, don't you get it? If this takes off, I won't have to be a waitress anymore. Sheldon: But then who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights? Penny: Another waitress. Sheldon: What's her name? Penny: I don't know. Sheldon: And you're going to let her handle my food? Penny: Nancy. Her name is Nancy. Sheldon: I think you're just making that up. Penny: Sheldon, I'm sorry about your hamburger, okay? I just don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life. Leonard: Cheeseburger. I get a cheeseburger. Penny: Fine, cheeseburger. Sheldon: Maybe I'd be better off with Nancy. Penny: So, what do you think? I mean, this could be a business, right? Sheldon: How many of these can you make a day? Penny: About twenty. Sheldon: And how much profit do you make per Penny Blossom? Penny: I don't know, like, 50 cents. I'm not sure. Sheldon: No, Of course you're not. All right, ten dollars a day times five days a week times 52 weeks a year is two thousand six hundred dollars. Penny: That's all? Sheldon: Before taxes. Penny: Well, I don't have to pay taxes on this stuff. Sheldon: I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree. But, if you took advantage of modern marketing techniques, and you optimized your manufacturing process, you might be able to make this a viable business. Penny: And you know about that stuff? Sheldon: Penny, I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains. Penny: Who's Radiohead? Sheldon: I have a working knowledge of the important things in the universe. Good luck. Penny: Sheldon, hold on. Could you maybe show me how to make more money with this? Sheldon: Of course I could. Penny: Sheldon, wait! Will you? Sheldon: Just to be clear here, you're asking for my assistance. Penny: Yes. Sheldon: And you understand that will involve me telling you what to do? Penny: I understand. Sheldon: And you're not allowed to be sarcastic or snide to me while I'm doing so. Penny: Okay. Sheldon: Good. Let's begin with the premise that everything you've done up to this point is wrong. Penny: Oh, imagine that. Sheldon: Sarcasm. Good-bye. Penny: No, sorry. Wait! Please come back! Credits sequence. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny is making a barette. Sheldon is timing her. Penny: There. Done. Sheldon: All right. 12 minutes and 17 seconds. Penny: Pretty good, right? Sheldon: That's 4.9 Penny Blossoms per hour. Based on your cost of materials and your wholesale selling price, you'll effectively be paying yourself... $5.19 a day. Penny: A day? Sheldon: There are children in a sneaker factory in Indonesia who outearn you. Penny: That just can't be right. Sheldon: You're questioning my math? Penny: No, sorry. Sheldon: Want me to show my work? Penny: Oh, God, no, no. Just please tell me what to do about it. Sheldon: All right, are you familiar with the development that resulted from Honor Blanc's 1778 use of interchangeable parts? The assembly line, of course. Penny: Okay, you know what, if I'm not allowed to be snide, you're not allowed to be condescending. Sheldon: That wasn't a part of our original agreement, and I do not agree to it now. Penny: All right, fine. How are we supposed to set up machines and conveyor belts in my apartment? Sheldon: You're thinking of the moving assembly line, an understandable but not excusable mistake. No. The moving assembly line, that was introduced by Henry Ford in 1908. That innovation is what made possible our modern consumer culture by enabling a low-unit cost for manufactured goods. I guess that isn't one of the topics discussed on your Radiohead. Scene: The apartment Leonard: Let's go. We're going to miss the coming attractions. Raj: What's the matter? Howard: I think I bruised a testicle capturing that last pawn. From Penny's apartment they hear Penny and Sheldon singing "Blow the man down." They enter to find Sheldon and Penny working together on the barettes. Leonard: Hello? Penny & Sheldon together: Hello. (They resume singing and working) Leonard: W-W-Wait, what's going on? Sheldon: I assume you're referring to the sea shanty. It's a rhythmic work song designed to increase productivity. Penny: Yeah, it's crazy, but it totally works. Look, we made this Penny Blossom in under three minutes. Leonard: Terrific, but that kind of raises more questions than it answers. Sheldon: Penny's making hair accessories. I'm helping her optimize her manufacturing process. All right, break's over. (They start singing again.) Howard: Hold on. What are you using as a bonding agent? Sheldon: Hot glue. Howard: You're kidding. Any of the cyanoacrylates would do a better job. Sheldon: It won't work, the flower's too porous. Leonard: What if we infused the bottom layer with silicone-RTV to provide a better mounting surface? Sheldon: Intriguing. Howard (after Raj whispers to him): Good question, what are you marketing and distribution channels? Penny: Well, there are the waitresses at my work, and this cute, little shop in Old Town. Sheldon: Hush, hush, hush, hush, hush, virtually non-existent. I'm thinking that we set her up with a hosted turnkey e-commerce system to start. Howard: Why not eliminate the middle man? We could install a small server farm with a static IP in her bedroom. Leonard: She'd need some kind of industrial cooling system. Sheldon: Of course, but before we set up a marketing and distribution infrastructure, we should finish optimizing the manufacturing process. To start with, she has a terrible problem with moisture-induced glitter clump. Penny: Yeah, it's a bitch. Howard: Uh, I've seen this before. Leonard: Where? Howard: It's a common stripper problem. They dance, they sweat, they clump. Penny: Ew. Leonard: Are you thinking about adding a desiccant like calcium sulphate? Howard: Actually, I'm thinking about this one stripper named Vega. But sure, calcium sulphate could work. Sheldon: Let's think out of the box for a moment. How about a molecular sieve? Leonard & Howard: Oh! Penny: I've got a spaghetti strainer in the kitchen. Sheldon: Wow. Leonard: Hey, we could liberate some micro-porous charcoal from the chem lab. Sheldon: Oh, great. Raj, why don't you and Howard go get the charcoal? Leonard, why don't you start working on some preliminary Web site designs. I'll make some space in our apartment so we can move the manufacturing process. Penny: Well, what's wrong with my apartment? Sheldon: It's not my apartment. Penny: Wait, wait, what am I going to do? Leonard: Uh, hey, it's your business. Do whatever you want. Penny: Oh, okay, cool. I'm going to take a nap. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Leonard: I'm still tweaking things a little bit, but this will give you the general idea of the Web site. So, what do you guys think? Howard (after Raj whispers to him): Uh, pretty much any way I say that is going to hurt his feelings. Leonard: Okay, what's wrong with it? Sheldon: - What's wrong with it? Leonard: Not you. I wasn't asking you. Penny? Penny: Uh, well, it's a little juvenile. I mean, it kind of looks like the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl. Leonard: No, it doesn't. Howard: Please. Dateline could use it to attract predators. Sheldon: Penny, this is your enterprise, so it's ultimately your decision, but based on the quality of his work, I'd strongly recommend that we let Leonard go. Leonard: You want to fire me? Sheldon: What I want is irrelevant. This is Penny's decision. Penny? Leonard: Excuse me, but if I did such a bad job then why do we already have orders? Penny: We do? Leonard: Uh-huh. Look. Mrs. Fiona Fondell from Huntsville, Alabama has ordered two. Penny: No kidding. Two? Leonard: Uh-huh. Look at the comments. Penny: Thank you, Penny Blossoms. These will be perfect to cover my bald spot. Aww, that is so sweet. Sheldon: Camouflaging bald spots. That's primarily a male concern. Perhaps we could expand our market. Penny: How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men? Howard: We add Bluetooth! Sheldon: Brilliant. Men love Bluetooth. Penny: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you want to make a hair barrette with Bluetooth? Sheldon: Penny, everything is better with Bluetooth. Leonard: Holy crap. Someone just ordered a thousand Penny Blossoms. Penny: Get out! Who needs a thousand sparkly flower barrettes with rhinestones? Leonard: The Fifth Annual East Rutherford, New Jersey, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Alliance Luau. Sheldon: Oh, another market to expand into, balding gay men. Howard: And I'll bet lesbians love Bluetooth. Sheldon: We should get to work. Penny: Wait, wait, wait, why does it say one-day rush? Since when do we offer a one-day rush? Leonard: Amazon offers one-day rush. Penny: Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together. How the hell are we going to make a thousand Penny Blossoms in one day? Leonard: Don't yell at me. I'm not manufacturing. I'm just Web design. Penny: Okay, well, I'm gonna have to call them and cancel the order. Sheldon: Excuse me, but was this not your goal? Financial independence through entrepreneurial brilliance and innovation? My brilliance and innovation, of course, but still. Penny: I just don't see how see can pull this off. Sheldon: Okay, that, right there, that equivocation and self-doubt, that is not the American spirit. Did Davy Crockett quit at the Alamo? Did Jim Bowie? Howard: They didn't quit. They were massacred by, like, a gazillion angry Mexicans. Sheldon: Alright, let me put it this way. Your gross receipts on this one order will be over $3,000 for one night's work. Penny: You guys get started. Leonard: What are you doing? Penny: Going online to buy shoes! Scene: The same, later. Sheldon and Penny are making barettes, singing "She'll be coming round the mountain." Raj: You know, if I wanted to spend my Saturday nights doing this, I could have stayed in India. Howard: Oh, stop with the fake third world crap. Your father's a gynaecologist, and you had a house full of servants. Raj: We only had four servants. And two of them were children. Leonard: How are we doing? Raj: We have 128 assorted Penny Blossoms ready to ship. Howard: Oh, God, we're never gonna finish in time. Who made Sheldon the boss anyway? Sheldon: I believe I'm hearing some negativity on the factory floor. Penny: So? Sheldon: Penny, the labour force is a living organism that must be carefully nurtured. Any counterproductive grumbling must be skilfully headed off by management. Observe. Hey! Less talk, more work! Penny: Nicely done. Sheldon: Thank you. You hear any union talk, you let me know. Time shift Leonard (singing): Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah... Howard (reluctantly singing): Someone's in the kitchen I know-ow-ow-ow Penny (singing): Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah... Sheldon? Sheldon! (nudges him) Sheldon (waking up, singing): 'Cause I sold my soul to the company store. Penny: Honey, do you want some coffee? Sheldon: No, I don't drink coffee. Penny: Come on, but if you don't stay awake we'll never finish in time. Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California, I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs. Penny: Leonard, help. Leonard: Sheldon, we still have 380 of these things to make. Sheldon: I have complete faith that you will make them. Good night. Penny: Leonard? Leonard: Yeah, no. But, Sheldon, without your insight and leadership this entire enterprise will surely fail. Sheldon: You're right, of course. Penny: Here, this will help. Sheldon: Very well, but if this leads to opiates or hallucinogenics, you're going to have to answer to my mother. Time shift Sheldon: Look at Planck's Constant. People say it's arbitrary. It could not be less arbitrary. If it varied even slightly, life as we know it would not exist. Bam! Now, now, let's reconsider the entire argument, but with entropy reversed and effect preceding cause, so you are thinking of a universe that's not expanding from the centre, no, it is retreating from a, from a possibility space. Bam! This is a space where we are all essentially Alice through the looking glass, standing in front the Red Queen, and we're being offered a cracker to quench our thirst. Bam! Of course, in another universe, let's call it universe prime, there's another Sheldon, let's call him Sheldon prime... Penny: We should have let him go to bed. Leonard: Bam. Time shift Leonard: I can't believe we actually did it. Howard: 1,000 friggin' Penny Blossoms. Penny: I just want you guys to know I am really grateful for your help, and for every dollar I make, I'm going to give you 20 cents. Howard: That's your entire profit margin. Penny: Oh. Then never mind. Leonard: I'll print out the shipping label. Uh-oh. Penny: What? Leonard: We got an e-mail from the East Rutherford, New Jersey, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Alliance. They want another thousand Penny Blossoms. Penny: Really? Leonard: One-day rush. I really need to take that off the Web site. Penny: Okay, well. Guess we'd better get started. Howard: You can't be serious. Penny: Come on. What about the living organism of the workforce and the American spirit and Jiminy Crockett at the Alamo? Leonard: Davy Crockett. Jiminy Crockett was a cricket. Penny: Yes, yes, I know that, okay? I'm tired, I've had like 18 cups of coffee. The point is, if we all just pull together, we can do this. Who's with me? Howard: Penny, although you may find it hard to believe, we do have lives. Penny: Leonard? Leonard: Sorry. My apologies to the gay community of East Rutherford, New Jersey. Sheldon (entering dressed as The Flash): Zoom, zoom, zoom! Where's the coffee? Penny: We're all out. Sheldon: No problem. I'll be back before this banana hits the ground. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom! Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom! Scene: The apartment. Raj is negotiating the laser beams. Sheldon and Howard are singing dramatically. Raj (reaching the other side): Yes! (He takes a slice of pizza) Howard: Sorry, guys, but Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Lunch is just stupid.

Penny develops home-made hair barrettes she calls 'Penny Blossoms' and aims to turn them into a profitable homebased business. With Sheldon's help, Penny develops an efficient assembly line, and Howard, Raj and Leonard later join in. Leonard designs the sales website, and they immediately get an order for a thousand Penny Blossoms from the East Rutherford, New Jersey Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender Alliance. Despite their initial happiness, they realize Leonard accidentally included a one-day rush shipping option on the website, so the group has to work all night to fulfill the order. However, the next morning, they discover that the same group doubled their order, and the guys quit in exhaustion. Sheldon, drinking coffee to stay awake, races around the apartment dressed as The Flash while attempting to help Penny with the new order.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x30

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x30_0

5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. CONTROL ROOM (A DALEK glides up to a control panel and observes the readings. It turns to a communicator.) FIRST DALEK: Our greatest enemies have left the planet Xeros. They are once again in time and space. SECOND DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) They cannot escape! Our time machine will soon follow them. They will be exterminated! Exterminated! Exterminated! [SCENE_BREAK] 2: VORTEX (The TARDIS flies through the space and time vortex...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR fiddles with a huge machine on one side of the console room. Upright and circular in shape, it has a screen in its centre that is surrounded by a multitude of dials and switches. VICKI stands nearby, whistling horribly out of tune.) DOCTOR: Don't whistle, dear, please? Hmm? VICKI: Well, have you nearly finished Doctor? (The DOCTOR gesticulates and answers with a component from the machine clenched between his teeth, making the reply completely undecipherable. VICKI smiles. She holds another component - a vaguely rectangular metal plate. After a second she starts tunelessly whistling again.) DOCTOR: (Angrily, again with his mouth full.) Stop whistling! Hmm! VICKI: (Slamming the plate down.) Well, can I do anything to help?! DOCTOR: (Still with his mouth full.) ... buzz off now, hmm! (VICKI storms out of the room, but stops to slam the metal plate down, again distracting the DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. TARDIS. LIVING AREA (IAN is reading a book called " Monsters from outer space." VICKI stands behind him.) VICKI: What are you reading? IAN: Hmm? (He shows her the cover.) Oh. VICKI: Is it good? IAN: Yes. A bit far-fetched. (VICKI tries to read the book, leaning on his shoulder. IAN shrugs her off.) VICKI: Oh! All right! (She storms off again and turns to an open door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. TARDIS. GIRL'S BEDROOM (BARBARA is within, sewing a length of material on the floor.) VICKI: (Indignantly.) I am redundant around here! BARBARA: Oh, nonsense. Come and sit down and talk to me. VICKI: (Still indignant.) I am a useless person! (She sits on the edge of the bed but it tips forward throwing her to the floor and knocking a cup and saucer and its contents over the material.) BARBARA: (Angrily.) Oh, Vicki! VICKI: (Upset.) Oh, what was it? BARBARA: (Calmer.) Oh...it...was a...dress for you. (A loud whining noise can be heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (It comes from the machine that the DOCTOR is fiddling with. He hammers away behind it, reaching round to the front to twist a lever. The noise brings IAN into the room.) IAN: (Shouts.) What's the matter? What's the trouble? (The DOCTOR comes round from the back of the machine.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Out of the way! Out of the way! IAN: (Shouts.) What's the matter? (BARBARA runs in, her fingers in her ears.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) Doctor! Turn it off! (The DOCTOR twists a dial and pulls the lever again. The whine dies away.) DOCTOR: Ahh! BARBARA: Oh, that's better. IAN: Are you trying to deafen us all or something? DOCTOR: Deafen you? No, no, dear boy. It was an unfortunate juxtaposition of the sonic rectifier...with the linial amplifier. IAN: Oh! Of course, I should have know! (The DOCTOR takes a tool from his workbench and goes back out of sight behind the machine.) BARBARA: Doctor, what is this machine? DOCTOR: I've already told you, my dear. It's a Time and Space Visualiser. BARBARA: Yes, but apart from making that dreadful noise, what does it do? DOCTOR: It converts neutrons of light energy into electrical impulses. IAN: Oh, wonderful! I've always wanted one! (VICKI has entered the room.) DOCTOR: Do I detect a hint of sarcasm, hmm? Dear boy, hmm? IAN: I'm sorry Doctor, but you rattle off explanations that would have baffled Einstein and you expect Barbara and I to know what you're talking about. DOCTOR: Very well then, I'll quote you ... : "Mass is absorbed by light, therefore light has mass and energy" hmm? VICKI: "The energy radiated by a light neutron is equal to the energy of the mass it absorbed." DOCTOR: Splendid child, splendid. VICKI: (To BARBARA.) It's quite simple. It just means that anything that ever happens, anywhere in the universe, is recorded in light neutrons. DOCTOR: I couldn't have put it better myself, child. (Laughs.) VICKI: Doctor, you know when I left Earth? Scientists were trying to invent a machine that would convert the energy from light neutrons into electrical impulses. (To BARBARA.) That meant that you could just tune in and see any event in history. BARBARA: Do you mean...a sort of..."Time television"? VICKI: Yes, like that! DOCTOR: Yes, that's exactly what this is. BARBARA & VICKI: No! (VICKI runs to the front of the machine.) VICKI: Doctor, you're kidding! Why didn't you tell me? I could have fixed it for you instead of you fiddling about like that! DOCTOR: Because I have already fixed it, my dear. (The DOCTOR walks over to where IAN is sat, absorbed in his book again.) DOCTOR: Oh, my dear Chesterton, do you mind if I distract you from your cowboys and indians, hmm? IAN: Oh, all right. DOCTOR: Now, I want to give a little demonstration. IAN: Mmm. DOCTOR: Will you, er, think of an event in history? Hmm? IAN: (Thinks, then nods.) All right, I've thought of one. DOCTOR: Well, first the place. IAN: Oh, Earth, that's easy. DOCTOR: Now, the geographical location - date and time. IAN: Nineteenth of November, 1863. The place - Pennsylvania, USA. DOCTOR: Good! Don't go away. (The DOCTOR goes over to a number of drawers and, after searching takes out of one several metal plates, similar to the one VICKI had before. He slots this into the front of the machine. The whining sound starts again.) VICKI: (In pain.) Ooh! (The DOCTOR adjusts the lever again. The sound dies down.) DOCTOR: Hmm! (He adjusts further controls...) DOCTOR: Watch. (...and a flickering image appears on the screen - a bearded man in 19th century dress. IAN runs forward excitedly as the man's words are heard and the picture clears.) ABRAHAM LINCOLN: (On visualiser.) ...conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. BARBARA: Lincoln! Abraham Lincoln. IAN: Yes, that's what I asked for - the Gettysburg address! ABRAHAM LINCOLN: (On visualiser.) ...civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation... [SCENE_BREAK] 7: VISUALISER IMAGE ABRAHAM LINCOLN: ...so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We've come to dedicate a portion of it as a final resting place for those who gave their lives that that nation might live. (The image starts to flicker.) That is altogether fitting and proper that we should do so. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate... [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM ABRAHAM LINCOLN: (On visualiser.) ...we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. (The image grows worse, then the sounds disappears, followed by the image itself.) BARBARA: Doctor, can I have a go? VICKI: Can I? Can I? Please? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes, now, all in good time, my dear, all in good time! (The DOCTOR takes the plate out.) DOCTOR: Now, Barbara? BARBARA: Yes? Now listen... (They rush over to the drawers as IAN joins VICKI.) IAN: Vicki, did you ever see anything like it in your life? VICKI: No! IAN: Well, that was Abraham Lincoln! (BARBARA rushes back with another plate.) BARBARA: Quiet, you lot! VICKI: (To IAN.) I know it was! IAN: Well, where are we? VICKI: What is it! DOCTOR: Put it in there. In the slot. (BARBARA does so. The whining sound starts again.) DOCTOR: Hmm, now. (The DOCTOR manipulates more controls and finally resorts to hitting the machine. The interference clears and the image appears of a lady speaking to a man. They are dressed in clothes of the late 16th century.) QUEEN ELIZABETH I: (On visualiser.) We are well aware of what... IAN: It's Queen Elizabeth the first! DOCTOR: Shh! VICKI: Who's that man? BARBARA: Oh, wait and see. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: VISUALISER IMAGE (The man, FRANCIS BACON, bows to the Queen and walks away to where another man waits beyond a curtain.) WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: (Nervously.) Is the Queen angry, sire? It was only a jest. FRANCIS BACON: She has graciously granted you an audience. (With BACON following, SHAKESPEARE walks up to ELIZABETH in her stone chamber and goes down on bended knee to kiss her hand.) WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: Oh, oh your majesty! (He stands.) QUEEN ELIZABETH I: (Haughtily.) Master Shakespeare, you aware of the concern your character of Falstaff has cur, caused to Sir John Oldcastle? FRANCIS BACON: It was so obviously he! WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: Ah, yes. Ah, well, erm, I can explain your majesty. QUEEN ELIZABETH I: (Snaps.) You admit it then?! WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: Er...er...yes, your majesty. QUEEN ELIZABETH I: (Smiles.) Good! Give it no more thought. We found it very amusing! WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: (Relieved.) Oh! QUEEN ELIZABETH I: Tell me, have any plans to write a further play on him? WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: Ah, no. QUEEN ELIZABETH I: Oh. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: Ah, no, I haven't, your majesty. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The travellers continue to watch...) QUEEN ELIZABETH I: (On visualiser.) That's a pity. But it does not matter. We have idea which may be of service. You shall write a play of Falstaff in love! [SCENE_BREAK] 11: VISUALISER IMAGE QUEEN ELIZABETH I: (Laughs.) Does that not...fire your imagination! (FRANCIS BACON looks less convinced.) WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: (Falsely.) Oh, ah, oh, a happy idea, your majesty...yes... QUEEN ELIZABETH I: (Happily.) Away with you, Will. To your pen. (SHAKESPEARE bows and walks out. BACON stops him before he leaves.) FRANCIS BACON: I also have an idea that you may wish to use: the history of Hamlet, prince of Denmark. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: I'm afraid not, sire. FRANCIS BACON: Oh, do you know the story then? WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: Er, I assure you, my lord, it would not be quite in...my style. FRANCIS BACON: (Coldly.) Very well then. (SHAKESPEARE walks off.) FRANCIS BACON: Scribbler! (But he does not see SHAKESPEARE stop in his tracks as a thought strikes him. The Visualiser picture starts to break up at this point.) WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: Hamlet, prince of Denmark? [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The picture disappears totally.) IAN: Well Barbara, did you find out what you wanted to know? (In the background, VICKI takes out BARBARA'S metal plate and runs off to fetch her own.) BARBARA: Oh I didn't really want to know anything. I just wanted to see Elizabeth's court. Er, did you see the way Shakespeare looked when he thought of Hamlet? IAN: Yes, I did! I... (VICKI runs back with her plate. The machine starts whining again.) IAN: Well, where are we now? VICKI: (Helping to adjust the controls.) Shh... (An announcement that sounds familiar to IAN and BARBARA emanates from the Visualiser.) CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: This is BBC1. (The DOCTOR pushes VICKI back and adjusts the controls himself.) CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: The next programme is due to start in just under one minute. BARBARA: Vicki! What year have you got on there? VICKI: 1965. (The DOCTOR further adjusts the controls. The image of a TELEVISION ANNOUNCER appears.) DOCTOR: Come along, come! IAN: You've got a television... VICKI: Shh! IAN: ...show, it... VICKI: (Whispers.) I want to watch it! PROGRAMME HOST: Here singing their latest number one hit...it's the fabulous...wait for it... (A tune starts...) PROGRAMME HOST: It's the fabulous...Beatles!! (IAN and BARBARA are amazed...) VICKI: Yes! [SCENE_BREAK] (The image of the "fab four" appears, in negative...) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: VISUALISER IMAGE (The negative image, produced by the television trickery of the 1960's, dissolves to a positive image.) BEATLES: "I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, yeah! The girl that's driving me mad, Is going away... She's gotta ticket to ri-ide, She's gotta ticket to ri-i-ide," (The image starts to break up...) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (IAN dances and sings to the song...) BEATLES: "She's gotta ticket to ride, But she don't care! My baby don't care...!" (The image gets worse. As the DOCTOR beats time with his screwdriver, BARBARA attempts to adjust the lever but only cuts out the image altogether...) VICKI: Oh! IAN: Oh, Barbara! DOCTOR: Now you've squashed my favourite Beatles! (VICKI and IAN laugh.) IAN: But Vicki, I had no idea you knew about the Beatles?! VICKI: Of course I know about them. I've been to their Memorial Theatre in Liverpool. (IAN and BARBARA look at each other...) BARBARA: We...well, what do you think of them, Vicki? VICKI: Well, they're marvellous, but...I didn't know they played classical music! BARBARA: (Amazed.) Classical music?! IAN: (Coughs.) Get with it, Barbara! Get with it! Styles change, styles change! (A beeping sound is suddenly heard.) DOCTOR: (To VICKI.) I think you'd better turn it off, my dear. Yes, we're about to materialise. (The DOCTOR, IAN and BARBARA rush off towards the console. VICKI adjusts controls and runs to join them...but behind her, the Visualiser screen continues to flicker.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. ARIDIUS (The TARDIS materialises in a dry, sandy desert.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR checks the console...) DOCTOR: Well, everything appears to be all right, yes. The oxygen's high...and the gravity...is a little greater than Earth, hmm! (He pulls a lever and the doors open. The travellers walk out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. ARIDIUS BARBARA: Ooh, it's hot! DOCTOR: Well, it's no small wonder. Look up there, my dear, hmm! Look! (He points upwards to where two hot suns are fast moving down to the horizon.) DOCTOR: Two suns moving very quickly, hmm? I expect the days and nights are very short here, hmm? VICKI: Are we going to explore now then? BARBARA: I shouldn't think there is anything to explore. Just miles and miles of sand. (On the horizon are blackened craggy outcrops, almost like statues.) BARBARA: Those strange things...? (One of the crags almost looks like the shape of a man, baked solid by the heat.) VICKI: You never know - over that sand-dune there might be a...a city or a...a space-station or anything. DOCTOR: (Laughing, to BARBARA.) The child's just like me, you know? Always wants to know what's on t'other side of the hill! VICKI: I'm gonna find out too! (She shoots off.) BARBARA: (Following her.) Vicki, come back! IAN: (To the DOCTOR.) I'd better follow her. (He starts to run off.) DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, Chesterton, here, here. IAN: What? (The DOCTOR takes a small device out of his pocket.) DOCTOR: Look here, you'd better take this TARDIS magnet with you. Watch that little green light in there. IAN: Yeah... DOCTOR: Don't drop it, otherwise you'll get lost. BARBARA: (OOV.) Ian! IAN: All right, I'm coming! (To the DOCTOR.) We won't go any further than the ridge. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes. (BARBARA comes back, pointing.) BARBARA: Look at her! IAN: Don't worry. I'll look after her. VICKI: (OOV.) Come on! IAN: All right, Christopher Columbus! Hang on! (IAN sets off whilst BARBARA stays with the DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. ARIDIUS (VICKI continues up the sandy ridge, followed a little way behind by IAN. Their voices get fainter as they get further away.) VICKI: Come on! (She slips slightly.) Oops! IAN: Yes, over there! (VICKI sees one of the strange craggy shapes.) VICKI: Look at this thing. IAN: Oh, what is it? It looks like a man, doesn't it? VICKI: Yes - but of frozen seaweed! IAN: Huh! VICKI: Funny shape... IAN: Funny smell! (They reach the top of the ridge and run off into the distance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. ARIDIUS (VICKI reaches the top of a rocky outcrop. She trips against something.) VICKI: Oh! (VICKI examines the base of her shoe, then a liquid that in on the sand and rock she is stood on.) VICKI: Ian! Ian! (IAN appears, examining the TARDIS magnet.) VICKI: Come and look at this. IAN: Hey! You know this gadget of the Doctor's? It...it really works. VICKI: Never mind that - look at this. IAN: What? What is it? VICKI: (Smelling the liquid on her hands.) I don't know IAN: Pooh! What an awful smell. Well, at least it's not a pool of acid! VICKI: (Laughing.) That makes a change! (Pointing.) Look, there's lots...more of it. IAN: Yeah. VICKI: It's a trail. IAN: Probably blood! VICKI: (Laughs.) Oh yes, it's bound to be! Come on, let's see where it leads. IAN: All right. (Looking at the magnet.) Really is ingenious this. (As they walk off, an Octopus-type tentacle rises out of the sand...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. ARIDIUS (Outside the TARDIS, the DOCTOR and BARBARA lie relaxing in the sun. The DOCTOR wafting his Panama hat, hums a tune to himself, very badly. A whining sound starts to rise in pitch. BARBARA sits up as she hears the sound.) BARBARA: What's that awful noise? DOCTOR: I beg your pardon - "awful noise"? That's no way to talk about my singing! BARBARA: No Doctor, not that awful noise! DOCTOR: Hmm?! BARBARA: The other one, listen to it! DOCTOR: Mmm? Oh, yes...yes, it sounds like the, er, the Visualiser. I think it's still on. Yes, would you mind going in and switching it off for me dear? BARBARA: OK. I've had enough sun anyway. DOCTOR: Yes, thank you! (BARBARA gets up and goes off to the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Oh, humph! Awful noise indeed, huh! I can charm the nightingales out of the trees! [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (BARBARA walks up to the Visualiser and tries various switches. She then moves to level and a familiar voice issues from the machine.) FIRST DALEK: (OOV.) The supreme Dalek is ready to receive your report! (BARBARA steps back slowly as an image appears on the Visualiser of several DALEKS in a control room. One, the SUPREME DALEK, has a darker casing than the others.) SECOND DALEK: The report is ready. BARBARA: Doctor! Doctor, come quickly! DOCTOR: (OOV.) Yes, all right, my dear, all right, all right. What is it now? Gracious me, can't I even relax for five... (The DOCTOR walks in and sees the image.) DOCTOR: The Daleks! [SCENE_BREAK] 22: VISUALISER IMAGE SUPREME DALEK: Give your report. SECOND DALEK: Our time machine has been completed. SUPREME DALEK: The operation will proceed at once. The movement scanners have located the enemy time machine - TARDIS. (The DALEKS glide frantically round the control room screeching out in turn.) DALEKS: TARDIS! TARDIS! TARDIS! TARDIS! TARDIS! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DALEKS continue to screech as BARBARA turns to the DOCTOR.) BARBARA: Doctor, he said the TARDIS - and look on their screen, that's us! DOCTOR: What is more important, he referred to the TARDIS as the enemy time machine. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: VISUALISER SUPREME DALEK: At present it lies in the Segaro desert of the planet Aridius. FIRST DALEK: We await command. SUPREME DALEK: The Doctor and the three humans delayed our conquest of Earth. FIRST DALEK: Daleks cannot be defeated! THIRD DALEK: To defy Daleks is death! FIRST DALEK: They will pay for their crime! SUPREME DALEK: Annihilate! (Again, the DALEKS screech in turn.) DALEKS: Annihilate! Annihilate! Annihilate! Annihilate! Annihilate! SUPREME DALEK: The assassination group will embark at once in our time machine. They pursue the humans through all eternity. They must be destroyed! Exterminate them! (Several DALEKS start to glide into their time machine. Cylindrical in shape, the doorway is in a wedge "cut" into the machine. Like the TARDIS, it would appear to be bigger on the inside than the outside as the number of DALEKS that enter would appear to be too normal for its outside dimensions.) SUPREME DALEK: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! (When all of the taskforce has entered, the machine dematerialises with an electronic noise that reduces in pitch and echoes itself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR switches the Visualiser off.) DOCTOR: My machine can only pick up the things that happened in the past. BARBARA: Then they're on their way here! DOCTOR: Or worse, already here. You heard their orders - we are to be exterminated! BARBARA: But Doctor, can't we get away from them? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes, but Ian and the child, come on, we have such little time. (They run out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. ARIDIUS (VICKI and IAN run down a ridge in the distance. VICKI is in the lead.) VICKI: Oh, come on, keep going! IAN: What do you think I am? One of these ... ? VICKI: Yes. IAN: Huh... VICKI: (Exhausted.) Oh! Ah! IAN: Yes. Well, no space city, Vicki. VICKI: ... , I suppose ... [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. ARIDIUS (VICKI and IAN arrive on another rocky ridge. A tired VICKI falls to the ground.) VICKI: Ah, Oh! Oh, the trail just ends. IAN: Well, we're a long way from the TARDIS now, Vicki. VICKI: Yeah. IAN: Ah, we ought to get back really, you know. VICKI: Yeah... IAN: They'll be missing us. VICKI: (Holding up her hands to the sky.) If you look at the sun through your fingers, you have twenty instead of ten. IAN: Hmm? Yes. Oh, I could do with a drink. VICKI: Oh yes. Ah. (IAN sits down.) VICKI: We should get back, you know. IAN: Yeah, soon be dark, you know. Look at those suns. Just like the Doctor said - they move fast. Hard this ground, isn't it? VICKI: Yeah. IAN: Like glass. VICKI: Come on, Ian. Let's go. IAN: Yeah, all right. (IAN starts to get up, but sees something in the sand.) IAN: Hello? What's this? (He uncovers an object as the sky behind them starts to get darker.) IAN: A ring! Ha! A ring in the sand! (He goes to pull the ring.) VICKI: (Panics.) No! No! The ring in the field! (VICKI starts to laugh in embarrassment.) IAN: What are you talking about? What's the matter? VICKI: Well, you see, when I was very young... IAN: Yes? VICKI: Near where I lived there was a field, and in this field there was a ring, just like that, sticking out of the ground. IAN: Yes? VICKI: You see, the point was, on the other side of the hedge, there was a castle, an enormous thing, with a drawbridge. IAN: Hmm..? VICKI: And... IAN: Well, go on! Ha! VICKI: We had this thing, that if we pulled that ring... IAN: Yes...? VICKI: The drawbridge would come down and something awful would come out! IAN: Vicki! Look around you. Can you see a castle anywhere? VICKI: No, but for heavens sake, something's gonna happen if we pull that thing. IAN: Well, shall I pull it or shan't I? (By now, it is almost dark.) VICKI: Yes, all right, go on. IAN: I think I'll move it now. (He grunts as he pulls at the ring but it does not budge.) VICKI: Try turning it. (He does so.) IAN: No, won't turn. Hold on. (He pulls the entire ring out and falls backwards. He sits up and they look round to see what effect they have had. There seems to be none.) IAN: Ah, Excalibur! (They laugh.) Come on, no castles, no drawbridges. (They stand and start to walk away.) Back we go. (Behind them, with a creaking noise, a trapdoor opens in the floor of the rock. VICKI squeals with alarm, then laughs at her panic. They rush back to the open door. VICKI jumps up on impulse and starts to climb through the trapdoor.) IAN: Vicki, just check it, eh? (She feels below her with her feet.) VICKI: Steps! [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. ARIDIUS (NIGHT) (BARBARA stands atop another ridge and shouts.) BARBARA: Vicki! Ian! Nothing! (She climbs down to where a shivering DOCTOR holds his Panama hat to his head.) DOCTOR: This wretched wind has wiped out all their tracks, huh! It's getting so cold here. BARBARA: Yeah, come on Doctor, let's go back to the TARD... (She is about to go in one direction, but...) DOCTOR: (Looking in another direction.) Ah, this way, dear. BARBARA: No, no, no, it's that way. I remember. DOCTOR: I have the directional instincts of a homing Pigeon! Now come along, follow me, hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. TRAPDOOR ENTRANCE (IAN clambers down to join VICKI through the trapdoor. They are within a darkened stone chamber.) IAN: (Calls.) Hello! (The echo of his voice calls back...) IAN: (Echo.) Hello! (IAN starts to move further on but finds there is nothing beneath his feet in the direction he takes. He jumps back.) VICKI: Oh! Oh, Ian, stay over here by this wall. (They move on. Behind them, the tentacled arm pushes the trapdoor closed. IAN and VICKI turn round to see an Octopoid creature behind them in the passageway. It roars...) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. ARIDIUS (NIGHT) (A raging sandstorm has now blown up above ground. The DOCTOR and BARBARA battle against the high winds as they struggle through the darkness. BARBARA tries to speak to the muffled up DOCTOR. He points to indicate that they go on. However, she spots something and points in another direction.) DOCTOR: (His words almost lost.) Oh, there it is! ... (They struggle on a few more paces but are soon overcome by the elements and collapse on the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. ARIDIUS (NEXT MORNING.) (Day quickly follows night. There is no sign of the DOCTOR and BARBARA. Suddenly a patch of sand moves and the DOCTOR and BARBARA sit up from where he has been completely covered by the last night's storm.) DOCTOR: Ah! BARBARA: (Looking round.) It's changed! DOCTOR: Ah, Oh... BARBARA: The whole landscapes changed! DOCTOR: Ah... BARBARA: (Panics.) The TARDIS has gone, there's no sign of it! DOCTOR: Ah, it's probably got buried in that sandstorm. BARBARA: But where? All these stretches of sand look exactly alike. DOCTOR: Yes, well, wait a minute, wait a minute. Ah, I've got an idea. Let's have a look at the TARDIS magnet. (He reaches into his pocket.) Oh, I'm sorry, I've just remembered. I gave it to Ian. Ha, well...come on, come on, we can't waste time, let's get going. (He starts to struggle up.) That sun'll be up in a minute and we've no food. and there's no water, no shade... (Suddenly.) Get down! Get down! (He pushes BARBARA back down.) BARBARA: Oh! What's the matter? (Some distance away, another patch of ground is also disturbed. With straining, groaning noises, a buried DALEK rises up out of the sand and looks about its surroundings...)

The travellers learn from the Time-Space Visualiser taken from theMoroks' museum that Daleks equipped with their own time machine are on their trail with orders to exterminate them. They flee in the TARDIS. The chase begins on the desert planet Aridius and takes in a number of stopping-off points, including a spooky haunted house which is actually a futuristic fun-fair attraction. Eventually both time machines arrive on the jungle planet Mechanus, where the Daleks try to infiltrate and kill the Doctor's party with a robotic double of him. The travellers are taken prisoner by the Mechonoids - robots sent some fifty years earlier to prepare landing sites for human colonists who never arrived - and meet Steven Taylor, a stranded astronaut who has been the Mechonoids' captive for the past two years. The Daleks and the Mechonoids engage in a fierce battle which ends in their mutual destruction. The Doctor's party seizes this opportunity to escape. The Doctor reluctantly helps Ian and Barbara to use the Daleks' time machine to return home.

fd_Downton_Abbey_01x03

fd_Downton_Abbey_01x03_0

[OPENING CREDITS] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates walks out of the front gate.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POST OFFICE - DAY] Postmistress: There you are, Mr Bates, it's in. Came this morning. [The woman hands Bates a paper.] Mr Bates: I said it would, which isn't quite the same thing. [Gwen enters the shop and is surprised to run into Bates.] Mr Bates: Hello. I could've posted that for you. Gwen: Well, I prefer to do it myself. Mr Bates: I'll wait outside. [Gwen waits for Bates to pass, then approaches the counter and eagerly passes her parcel to the postmistress.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOUSEMAIDS' BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna stands on a chair trying to move a large case on top of the cupboard, but it won't budge. Gwen enters and Anna almost falls.] Gwen: What are you doing? Anna: If you must know, I'm trying to find some space on top of the cupboard to make life easier. [Gwen closes the door and Anna gets off the chair.] Anna: So, what's in it, then? Gwen: What? Anna: The bleeding great packing case that weighs a ton, that's what. Gwen: Can't you just leave it? Anna: No, I can't. And you'll tell me right now. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora walks up to the bench where Mary is reading a letter.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Anything interesting? Lady Mary: Not particularly. It's from Evelyn Napier. You met him at the Delta Fields last November at Doncaster races. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is that Lord Branksome's boy? Lady Mary: It is. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Do you like him? Lady Mary: I don't dislike him. Cora, Countess of Grantham: And what's he writing about? Lady Mary: Oh, nothing much. He's out with the York and Ainsty next week. He'll meet us at Downton. He'll want some tea when he's up here. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Where's he staying? With friends? Lady Mary: He says he's found a pub that caters for hunting. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Well, we can improve on that. He must come here. He can send the horses up early if he wants. Lady Mary: He'll know why you're asking him. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I can't think what you mean. His mother's a friend of mine; she'll be pleased at the idea. Lady Mary: Not very pleased. She's dead. Cora, Countess of Grantham: All the more reason, then. You can write a note, too, and put it in with mine. [Mary sighs and Cora gets up to leave.] Lady Mary: Should I tell him about your friendship with his late mother? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm sure you of all people can compose a letter to a young man without any help from me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOUSEMAIDS' ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and Gwen stare down at the typewriter that they pulled out of the packing case on top of the cupboard.] Anna: How much did it cost? Gwen: Every penny I'd saved. Al-- almost. Anna: And...i--is this the mystery lover? Gwen: Well, I've been taking a correspondence course in typing and shorthand. That's what was in the envelopes. Anna: Are you any good? Gwen: Yes. I am, actually. [O'Brien opens the door and Gwen and Anna move to block the typewriter from view.] Miss O'Brien: Eh, Her Ladyship wants the full skirt Lady Mary never wears. A seamstress is going to fit it to Lady Sybil, but I can't find it. Anna: I'll come in a minute. Miss O'Brien: They're waiting now. Anna: One minute. I'm just changing my cap and apron. [O'Brien looks at them suspiciously and leaves. Anna closes the door.] Anna: Have you told anyone? [Gwen shakes her head.] Anna: What did your parents say? Gwen: Well, I can't tell them till I've got a job. Dad will think I'm a fool to leave a good place and Mum will say I'm getting above myself, but...but I don't believe that. Anna: Nor do I. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Cora, Countess of Grantham: It's not of my doing. It's all Mary's own work, but I think we should encourage it. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Branksome's a dull dog, but I don't suppose that matters. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Did you know his wife had died? Robert, Earl of Grantham: He only ever talks about racing Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Cora is right. Mary won't take Matthew Crawley, so we'd better get her settled before the bloom is quite gone off the rose. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is the family and old one? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Older than yours I imagine. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Old enough. Cora, Countess of Grantham: And there's plenty of money. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, really? Cora, Countess of Grantham: (nods) Mm. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mama, you've already looked him up in the stud books and made inquiries about the fortune, don't pretend otherwise. Are you afraid someone will think you're American if you speak openly? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I doubt it'll come to that. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Shall I ring for tea? Robert, Earl of Grantham: No, not for me. I'm meeting Cripps at five. I'll see you at dinner. Cora, Countess of Grantham: You don't seem very pleased. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I'm pleased. It's not brilliant, but I'm pleased. Cora, Countess of Grantham: So...? Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I don't want Robert to use a marriage as an excuse to stop fighting for Mary's inheritance. Cora, Countess of Grantham: It won't make any difference. I don't think he has the slightest intention of fighting as it is. The price of saving Downton is to accept Matthew Crawley as his heir. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: What about you? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I don't dislike Matthew. In fact, I rather admire him. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Is that sufficient reason to give him your money? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course not! Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Then there's nothing more to be said. Are we going to have tea or not? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew rides his bicycle into the village and ring the bell on it as he comes upon Edith.] Lady Edith: Oh. [Matthew tips his hat and gets off his bicycle.] Matthew Crawley: Hello. I'd offer you a lift if I could. Lady Edith: It was you I was coming to see. Matthew Crawley: Oh, then your timing is matchless. I just got off the train. Lady Edith: The other day at dinner, Cousin Isobel was saying you wanted to see some of the local churches. Matthew Crawley: She's right, I do. I want to know more about the county generally if I'm to live here. Lady Edith: Well, I thought I might show you a few of the nearer ones. We could take a picnic and make an outing of it. Matthew Crawley: That's very kind. Lady Edith: Nonsense. I'll enjoy it. It's too long since I played the tourist. Matthew Crawley: It would have to be a Saturday. Churches work on Sunday and I work all the week days. Lady Edith: Then Saturday it is. I'll get Lynch to sort out the governess cart and I'll pick you up at about eleven. [Edith walks back the way she came, all smiles, and Matthew tips his hat to her as she leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The servants gather around the typewriter.] Daisy: How does it work? William: It's easy. You just press the letters and they print on the paper. [William presses a couple of keys to demonstrate. O'Brien shows Carson and Mrs Hughes into the room.] Mr Carson: Get back, please. Miss O'Brien: They were trying to hide it, so I knew it was wrong. Mr Carson: Where's Gwen now? Thomas: Doing the dining room with Anna. They'll be finished soon. Mr Carson: Then I'll wait. Mrs Hughes: With all due respect, Mr Carson, Gwen is under my jurisdiction. Mr Carson: Indeed she is, Mrs Hughes, and I have no intention of usurping your authority. I merely want to get to the bottom of it. William: Why shouldn't Gwen have a typewriter if she wants one? Thomas: Mind your own business. [Gwen and Anna enter.] Gwen: What's that doing here? Mrs Hughes: Ah, Gwen. Come in. Gwen: Why is that down here? Who's been in my room? They had no right! Mrs Hughes: Mr Carson: See here! In the first place, none of the rooms in this house belong to you. And in the second, I am in charge of your welfare and that gives me every right. ANNA (to O'Brien) This is you isn't it? Mr Carson: All we want is to know what Gwen wants with a typewriter and why she feels the need to keep it secret. Anna: She wants to keep it private, not secret. There's a difference. Mr Bates: Amen. Gwen: I've done nothing to be ashamed of. I've bought a typewriter and I've taken a postal course in shorthand. I'm not aware that either of these actions is illegal. Mrs Hughes: Will you tell us why, preferably without any more cheek? [Gwen hesitates.] Gwen: Because I want to leave service. I want to be a secretary. [Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes exchange a shocked look.] Mrs Hughes: You want to leave service? Miss O'Brien: What's wrong with being in service? Gwen: Nothing's wrong with it, and there's nothing wrong with mending roads neither, but it's not what I want to do. Mr Carson: I should remind you that there are plenty of young girls who will be glad of a position in this house. Gwen: And when I hand in my notice, I shall be happy to think one of them will be taking my place. Miss O'Brien: What makes you think we'll wait till then? Anna: Are you hiring and sacking now, Miss O'Brien? I thought that lay with Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes. Mr Carson: Enough of this. I'm going to ring the dressing gong and we'll have no more talk of this tonight. Gwen: Can I have my machine back now? Mr Carson: Very well. But I wish I was sure you know what you're doing. Mrs Patmore: Daisy! What's happened to you? I said you could go for a drink of water, not a trip up the Nile. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna laces Mary into her corset while Edith sits at the vanity.] Anna: Which churches will you show him? Lady Edith: I can't decide. Kirby, possibly, or perhaps Easingwold. Lady Mary: You don't think you're being a bit obvious? Lady Edith: Coming from you, that's rich. [Cora enters.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: There was a letter from Mr Napier in the evening post. Lady Mary: Mm. Did he accept? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Not yet. Lady Edith: Perhaps he thought it was too obvious. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Apparently he's bringing a friend with him, an attach at the Turkish embassy. A Mr... [Cora pulls out the letter to read the name.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Kemal Pamuk. He's a son of one of the sultan's ministers and he's here for the Albanian talks. Lady Mary: What's that? Lady Edith: To create an independent Albania. Don't you read the papers? Lady Mary: I'm too busy living a life. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Since Turkey's signature is vital, Mr Napier's been given the job of keeping him happy until the conference begins and he's eager to try an English hunt. I shall invite this Mr Pamuk to stay here as well. Who knows? A little hospitality in an English house may make all the difference to the outcome. And Mary, you will ride out with him. Lady Mary: Oh, Mama, must I? My boots are at the menders and I haven't ridden for weeks. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Anna, please see that Lady Mary is fully equipped to go hunting. Anna: Yes, Your Ladyship. [Mary isn't pleased.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. PROSTHETICS SHOP] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates enters as the shopkeeper is making a false arm.] Prosthetist: Yes? Mr Bates: I saw this advertisement for a-- a limp corrector. Prosthetist: Yes? Mr Bates: What does it do exactly? Prosthetist: It corrects limps. Mr Bates: Does it work? Prosthetist: Well, as I make it and I advertise it, is it likely I'd say no? Mr Bates: Can I see one? [The man fetches it from the back room.] Prosthetist: Here we are. You adjust this to the right height to minimize the limp. You tighten these gradually, as tight as you can stand, and as the legs straighten, the foot lowers to the floor. Can't say it's going to be easy, and you can't slack. Every day, all day if you mean business. Mr Bates: All right. How much? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Isobel reads the contents of a letter aloud.] Isobel Crawley: She asks if we can both dine on Saturday. There are two young men staying, so you won't be so outnumbered for once. Matthew Crawley: What men? Isobel Crawley: A...Turkish diplomat called something I can't read "and Lord Branksome's charming son", who's to be flung at Mary, presumably. Matthew Crawley: When it comes to Cousin Mary, she's quite capable of doing her own flinging, I assure you. [Isobel chuckles.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - DAY] Anna: Ugh, open the door, can you? [Gwen timidly opens the door and Anna goes about her chores.] Anna: I couldn't find her britches anywhere, so I asked Mr Bates and he looked among His Lordship's riding clothes. There they were. I only hope to God I've got everything. [Gwen is clearly upset as Anna continues to work.] Anna: Hat I'll do here. Gloves and crop are in the hall. [Gwen starts weeping and Anna notices.] Anna: Gwen? Whatever's the matter? [Anna goes to comfort Gwen.] Anna: Hey, come on, sit down. Hey? [Mr Bates sees them from the hall as they sit on the bed.] Mr Bates: What's happened? Gwen: Oh...oh, I'm just being silly. You should get that brushed. [Gwen nods to the clothes Bates's arm. Bates enters and closes the door.] Mr Bates: He won't be up for another half an hour. Now, what is it? Gwen: Well, I suppose I've just realised that it's not going to happen. Mr Bates: What isn't? Gwen: None of it. I'm not going to be a secretary. I'm not going to leave service. I doubt I'll leave here before I'm sixty. Anna: Hey, what's all this? Gwen: Oh, you saw their faces. And their right. Oh, look at me! I'm the daughter of a farmhand, I'm lucky to be a maid. I was born with nothing and I'll die with nothing. Mr Bates: Don't talk like that. You can change your life if you want to. Sometimes you have to be hard on yourself, but you can change it completely, I know. [Bates cringes.] Anna: Mr Bates? Are you all right? Mr Bates: Take her upstairs. Dry her off. [Bates smiles and turns to open the door.] Anna: Come on, Gwen. Hey? [The maids precede Bates through the door and walk down the corridor. Bates leans against the wall for support and Mrs Hughes finds him closing his eyes in pain.] Mrs Hughes: Mr Bates? What's the matter? Mr Bates: Nothing. Not a thing. I'm fine. Mrs Hughes: Let me help you. Mr Bates: I'm perfectly all right, thank you Mrs Hughes. Mrs Hughes: Are you sure? You're as white as a sheet. Mr Bates: It's my wonderful complexion inherited from my Irish mother. [Mrs Hughes contemplates his behaviour as she watches him walk away.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [William and Thomas enter with empty trays. Thomas sneaks some dessert as the kitchen maids cut it and pour punch.] Mrs Patmore: Take it. Take it, don't dawdle! [The footmen take off with the trays of food and drink.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT WALK - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson stands at the door.] Mr Carson: William. [Carson directs where the footmen should bring the drinks. Lord and Lady Grantham greet the hunting party while the footmen serve those is hunting pink. The dogs beg for food from Thomas.] Lynch: Can you see them, milady? Lady Mary: Not yet. Oh, wait a minute, here is Mr Napier. I was beginning to give up on you. We're moving off. [Napier takes off his hat to Mary.] Evelyn Napier: We were fools not to accept your mother's invitation and send the horses down early. As it is, my groom only got here an hour or two ago and my mount's as jump as a deb at her first ball. Lady Mary: What about Mr Pamuk? I gather if he takes a tumble, you will be endangering world peace. Evelyn Napier: Don't worry about Kemal. He knows what he's doing on a horse. Lady Mary: Well, where is he? Evelyn Napier: Fussing. He's rather a dandy. Lady Mary: Well, I can see him now. A funny little foreigner with a wide, toothy grin and hair reeking with pomade. Evelyn Napier: I wouldn't quite say that. Here he is now. [Mary turns with a snobbish smile, but her jaw drops as he rides up.] Kemal Pamuk: Lady Mary Crawley, I presume? [Pamuk takes off his hat to her.] Lady Mary: You presume right. Kemal Pamuk: Sorry to be so dishevelled. We've been on a train since dawn and we had to change in a shed. Lady Mary: You don't look dishevelled to me. [Someone blows the hunting horn.] Lady Mary: Lynch, you don't have to stay with me. Lynch: But His Lordship asked me to. Lady Mary: It's a waste of your day. Help Mr Napier's man get their things back to house. Lynch: His Lordship said-- Evelyn Napier: Don't worry, I'll look after her. Kemal Pamuk: We'll make it our business to keep her from harm, I promise. [The hunting party rides off, leaving Lynch behind.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary sees Kemal stopping off to the side and rides to join him.] Lady Mary: I hope the day is living up to your expectations. Kemal Pamuk: It is exceeding them in every way. Lady Mary: And where's Mr Napier? Kemal Pamuk: He's gone over the bridge, look. Lady Mary: Ah. Kemal Pamuk: And, er, what about you? Will you follow him? Or will you come over the jump with me? [He nods to the fence in front of them.] Lady Mary: Oh, I was never much one for going 'round by the road. Kemal Pamuk: Stay by me and we'll take it together. [They ride back and jump the fence to ride through the mud.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHURCH - DAY] Lady Edith: I wish we could talk a little more about you. What was it like growing up in Manchester? Matthew Crawley: Does it say anything about the side aisle? [Edith looks at a pamphlet.] Lady Edith: The side aisles were added in the 14th century by Bishop Richard De Warren. Matthew Crawley: Yes, you can see that in the...treatment of the stone. Lady Edith: It's wonderful to think of all those men and women worshipping together through the centuries, isn't it? Dreaming and hoping much as we do, I suppose. Matthew Crawley: Was the screen at Cromwell casualty? Lady Edith: I--I daresay. Matthew Crawley: I wonder how Mary's getting on. Lady Edith: All right, I should think. Why? Matthew Crawley: I just wonder. Will she stay with the hunt the whole day? Lady Edith: You know Mary, she likes to be in at the kill. Matthew Crawley: Where shall we go next? Lady Edith: Not home? Matthew Crawley: Oh, not yet. We've time for one more at least before we lose the light. Lady Edith: I underestimated your enthusiasm. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT WALK - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Pamuk, Napier, and Mary dismount and walk toward the house in good spirits.] Kemal Pamuk: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ENTRYWAY/GREAT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas enters and approaches Carson as the party removes their riding clothes.] Thomas: Is that one mine? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Home is the hunter home from the hill. [Robert sees the mud on Pamuk and Mary's ruffled hair.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Heavens, you have been in the wars. Lady Mary: Papa, this is Mr Pamuk. My father, Lord Grantham. Kemal Pamuk: How do you do, my lord? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Did you have a good day? Kemal Pamuk: Couldn't have been better. Mr Carson: This is Thomas, sir. He'll be looking after you. Lady Mary: You remember Mr Napier. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course. How are you? Evelyn Napier: So kind of you to have us, Lady Grantham. Lady Mary: And this is Mr Pamuk. Cora, Countess of Grantham: How do you do? Kemal Pamuk: My lady. [Pamuk bows to kiss Cora's hand.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, what would you like? Lady Mary: Just baths. We're worn out. Thomas: Erm, your cases are upstairs, sir, if you'd like to follow me. Kemal Pamuk: Yes. [Anna enters one of the servants' corridors where O'Brien and Gwen are peering out. Thomas gives them an eye as he leads Pamuk to his guest room.] Robert, Earl of Grantham (background): Well, I hope Mary hasn't left you too exhausted. Evelyn Napier (background): No, not a bit of it. Gwen: He doesn't look Turkish at all. Anna: Well, he doesn't look like any Englishman I've ever met. Worse luck. I think he's beautiful. [Carson enters to find the three maids standing just inside the servants' door.] Mr Carson: Is there some crisis of which I am unaware? Miss O'Brien: No, Mr Carson Mr Carson: I cannot think of another reason why you should congregate here. Anna: No, Mr Carson. [The maids go their separate ways as footmen enter.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Have you seen our visitor? Quite a treat for the ladies. Mr Bates: Indeed, milord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Are they settled in all right? Mr Bates: I think so. Mr Napier's valet seems a competent fellow and Thomas knows what he's doing. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why doesn't the gorgeous Turk have his own chap? Mr Bates: Apparently his man speaks no English, so Mr Pamuk decided to leave him in London. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Probably very wise. I hope Thomas doesn't mind. Mr Bates: Oh, you know Thomas, milord. He has to have a grumble, but I gather he cheered up when he saw the gentleman. [Bates sucks in a breath when he steps with his bad leg.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Bates, is anything wrong? Mr Bates: Nothing at all, milord. Is that strap too tight? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mm. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] Thomas: Can I adjust it, sir? [Thomas fixes the vest strap.] Kemal Pamuk: Now, I'm relying on you to see that I go downstairs properly dressed. Thomas: Don't worry, sir. I've got sharp eyes for anything out of order. Kemal Pamuk: Then I put myself entirely in your hands. Thomas: You do right, sir. [Thomas hands Pamuk a bowtie.] Thomas: I should love to visit Turkey. Kemal Pamuk: Yes, it's a...it's a wonderful country. [Pamuk can't tie his bowtie and gives up in frustration.] Kemal Pamuk: My man always does this. Can you? [Thomas ties the bowtie.] Thomas: I'm very attracted to the Turkish culture. Kemal Pamuk: Then I hope your chance will come to something. Thomas: I hope so, too. [Thomas cups Pamuk's face in his hand, but Pamuk jerks away from his touch.] Kemal Pamuk: You forget yourself! Thomas: I--I'm sorry, sir. I-- Kemal Pamuk: That will teach you to believe what the English say about foreigners. I ought to report you. Thomas: I think...you mist-- Kemal Pamuk: I misunderstood nothing. But...I will make you an offer. [Pamuk turns around to fix his bowtie.] Kemal Pamuk: Later tonight I may need some help with the...geography of house. Thomas: The geography? Kemal Pamuk: Yes. I'm not sure yet, but I may wish to pay someone a visit. If that is the case, you will help me... [Pamuk turns back around.] Kemal Pamuk: And I will say nothing of your behaviour. [Thomas nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I don't understand. Why--why would she want to be a secretary? Matthew Crawley: She wants a different life. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But why? I should far prefer to be a maid in a large and pleasant house than work from dawn till dusk in a cramped and gloomy office. Don't you agree, Carson? Mr Carson: I do, my lady. Lady Mary: Why are we talking about this? What does it matter? Cora, Countess of Grantham: It matters that the people that live and work here are content. Lady Sybil: Of course. We should be helping Gwen if that's what she wants. Isobel Crawley: I agree. Surely we must all encourage those less fortunate to improve their lot where they can. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Not if it isn't in their best interests. Isobel Crawley: Isn't the maid a better judge of that than we are? Lady Mary: What do you say, Mr Pamuk? Should our housemaid be kept enslaved or forced out into the world? Kemal Pamuk: Why are you English so curious about other people's lives? If she wishes to leave, and the law permits it, then let her go. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But perhaps the law should not permit it, for the common good. Isobel Crawley: So, you hanker for the days of serfdom. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I hanker for a simpler world. Is that a crime? Kemal Pamuk: I do dream of a simpler world, as long as we can keep our trains and our dentistry. [They chuckle.] Lady Mary: I wish I shared your enthusiasm. Our dentist is horrid. Kemal Pamuk: Well, why go to him, then? Lady Mary: Well, he treated all of us when we were children. You know how the English are about these things. Kemal Pamuk: Mm. [Matthew watches Mary and Pamuk intently as they smile and chuckle at the other end of the table.] Kemal Pamuk: Well, the next time you feel a twinge, you must come to Istanbul. Lady Mary: Wouldn't the journey be painful? Kemal Pamuk: Sometimes we must endure a little pain in order to achieve satisfaction. Evelyn Napier: Lady Mary rode very well today. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why did you send Lynch back? Lady Mary: I had my champions to left and right. It was enough. [Matthew doesn't seem to like that comment.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Did you enjoy the hunt today, Mr Napier? Mary said you had a tremendous run. Evelyn Napier: It was like something out of a trollop novel. [Robert chuckles.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: What about you, Mr Pamuk? Was your day successful? Kemal Pamuk: Oh, yes, Lady Grantham. I can hardly remember a better one. [Mary seems to tense uncomfortably at the comment. Matthew isn't pleased.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert watches Mary talking with Napier, Pamuk, and Matthew Crawley.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mary has more suitors tonight than the Princess Aurora. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Will she judge them sensibly? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, no one's sensible at her age. Nor should they be. That's our role. Kemal Pamuk: Well, if you'll excuse me. Matthew Crawley: Was it fun to be back in the saddle? Lady Mary: Yes. Although, I'll pay for it tomorrow. Matthew Crawley: Would you ever come out with me? Or aren't we friends enough for that? Lady Mary: Oh, I think it might be-- Evelyn Napier: That run reminded me of a day last month up in Cheshire. [Pamuk catches Mary's eye and nods for her to join him.] Evelyn Napier: We came down the side of a hill and-- Lady Mary: Excuse me. [Both men are surprised by her rudeness and obvious preference for Pamuk.] Matthew Crawley: It seems we must brush up on our powers of fascination. Evelyn Napier: I was a fool to bring him here. Matthew Crawley: Don't you like him? Evelyn Napier: (scoffs) Well, I like him very much, but so does everyone else, unfortunately. [Edith smiles at Matthew and moves his way. Napier notices.] Evelyn Napier: Excuse me. [Napier leaves. Matthew notices as Edith steps up to him. He gives her a polite smile.] Matthew Crawley: I hope I didn't wear you out today. Lady Edith: Not at all. I enjoyed it. We must do it again. [Matthew watches Mary as Edith talks. Pamuk leaves the room.] Matthew Crawley: Next time, let's take my mother. She was so jealous she made me promise she could come with us. Lady Edith: Of course. How nice that would be. [Thomas notices Mary walk past him to follow Pamuk out of the room.] Lady Mary: What is it? Kemal Pamuk: Is this picture really a Della Francesca? Lady Mary: I think so. The second earl brought back several paintings from-- [Pamuk grabs Mary's face and kisses her furiously, pushing her against the wall.] Lady Mary (whisper): Mr Pamuk! Kemal Pamuk: Let me come to you tonight, please. Lady Mary: I can't think what I have said that has led you to believe-- Kemal Pamuk: Please. I don't know when we'll meet again. So let it be tonight. [Pamuk leans in to kiss her again, but Mary pushes him back.] Lady Mary: Mr Pamuk, I will not repeat your words to my father since I should hate to see you cast out into the darkness, but can we agree to consider them unsaid? Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall rejoin my mother and sisters. [Mary returns to the drawing room. Pamuk watches her go, then smiles.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas leads Pamuk through the house. Pamuk is wearing a dressing gown. Thomas stops at a door and nods. Pamuk nods and enters.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary is reading in bed when Pamuk enters. She snaps the book shut, scrambles out of bed, and pulls the comforter to cover her nightgown. She keeps her voice to a whisper.] Lady Mary: You must be mad! Kemal Pamuk: I am. I am in the grip of madness. Lady Mary: Please leave at once or I'll... Kemal Pamuk: Or you'll what? Lady Mary: I'll scream. Kemal Pamuk: No, you won't. Lady Mary: Well, I'll ring the bell, then. Kemal Pamuk: And who's on duty now? The hall boy? Will you really let him find a man in your bedroom? What a story. Lady Mary: Do you have any idea what you're asking? I'd be ruined if they even knew we'd had this conversation, let alone if they-- Kemal Pamuk: What? Don't worry. You can still be a virgin for your husband. Lady Mary: Heavens, is this a proposal? Kemal Pamuk: Oh. Alas, no. I don't think our union would please your family. Lady Mary: I'm afraid not. Kemal Pamuk: Nor mine. But... [Pamuk steps close to her.] Kemal Pamuk: ...a little imagination...you wouldn't be the first. Lady Mary: You and my parents have something in common. Kemal Pamuk: Oh? Lady Mary: You believe I'm... [Pamuk begins to kiss her neck.] Lady Mary: ...much more of a rebel than I am. Now, please go. [Pamuk lays her down on the bed as he kisses her.] Lady Mary: I'm not what you think I am. If it's my mistake, if I've led you on, I'm sorry, but...I'm not. Kemal Pamuk: You are just what I think you are. [Pamuk continues kissing her neck.] Lady Mary: No. I've never done anything. Kemal Pamuk: Of course not. One look at you would tell me that. [Pamuk finally kisses her on the lips.] Kemal Pamuk: Oh, my darling. [Pamuk goes to kiss her again, but Mary stops him.] Lady Mary: Won't it hurt? Is it safe? Kemal Pamuk: Trust me. [Mary gives in and kisses him back and puts her arms around his neck.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOUSEMAIDS' BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary puts her hand over Anna's mouth as she sleeps and Anna wakes. Mary puts a finger to her lips to hush Anna and beckons Anna to follow her. Gwen doesn't wake.] [INT.] [They whisper in the corridor.] Lady Mary: He's dead. I think he's dead. No, I'm sure he's dead. Anna: But how? Wh... Lady Mary: We were together and...he's dead. Anna: In your room? [Mary nods and tries to hold back her tears.] Anna: We've got to get him back to his own bed. Lady Mary: But how? It's in the bachelor's corridor miles from my room. Anna: Well, could we manage it between us? Lady Mary: He weighs a ton. I can hardly shift him at all. We'll need at least one other. What about Bates? [Anna shakes her head.] Anna: He couldn't lift him. William can't keep a secret, and Thomas wouldn't try to. Lady Mary: We've got to do something! Anna: Then who else has as much to lose as you if it ever gets out? Lady Mary: Not Papa. Please don't say Papa, I couldn't bear the way he'd look at me. Anna: No, not His Lordship. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora looks at the body and Mary in shock. They talk in whispers.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: What happened? Lady Mary: I don't know. A heart attack, I suppose, or a stroke or...he was alive and suddenly he cried out and then he was dead! Cora, Countess of Grantham: But...why was he here at all? Did he force himself on you? [Mary hesitates, then shakes her head.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Well... [Cora tries to cope with that shock.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: We can talk about that later. Now, we must decide what to do for the best. Anna: There's only one thing we can do. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I couldn't. It's not possible. Lady Mary: If you don't, we will figure in a scandal of such magnitude it will never be forgotten until long after we're both dead. I'll be ruined, Mama! Ruined and notorious, a laughingstock, a social pariah. Is that what you want for your eldest daughter? Is it what you want for the family? Cora, Countess of Grantham: We must cover him up. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORRIDOR - DAWN] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary, Anna, and Cora carry the body in a sheet. They talk in whispers.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Hurry, the servants will be up soon. Anna: We've got time. [Mary stumbles and drops Pamuk's feet.] Lady Mary: Mama! Cora, Countess of Grantham: Sorry! [They shift positions as they reach the guest bedroom door. Mary drops Pamuk's feet again. Daisy sees them in the corridor as they carry the body into the room. She shrinks back into the servants' corridor.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - DAWN] [SCENE_BREAK] [The women situate Pamuk under his bed covers and Cora takes the sheet they carried him in. Mary tries to close his eyes, but they keep popping open.] Lady Mary (weeping): I can't make his eyes stay shut. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Leave that and come away. [Anna turns the light out.] Lady Mary: He was so beautiful. Anna: Her Ladyship's right. We must get back to our rooms. [Mary and Anna walk to Cora at the door.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: I feel now that I can never forgive what you have put me through this night. I hope in time I will come to be more merciful, but I doubt it. [Mary nods.] Lady Mary: You won't tell Papa? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Since it would probably kill him, and certainly ruin his life, I will not. But I keep this secret for his sake, not for yours. Lady Mary: Yes, Mama. [Mary looks down in acceptance and shame. Cora hands the bed sheet to Anna.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Anna, I will not insult you by asking that you also conceal Lady Mary's shame. Let us go. [They exit and Anna blows out the candle before she closes the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BACHELOR'S CORRIDOR - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas brings a breakfast tray to Pamuk's room. He knocks before entering and stops short when he sees Pamuk dead in the bed.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Napier sees Mary as she descends the stairs.] Evelyn Napier: I imagine you've heard what's happened? Lady Mary: Yes. Evelyn Napier: Terrible thing. Awful. Ghastly for your parents. I don't suppose I shall ever make it up to them. Lady Mary: It wasn't your fault. Evelyn Napier: Well, I brought him here. If it isn't my fault, whose is it? [Mary is clearly uncomfortable. Her eyes are red from crying.] Evelyn Napier: I was wondering if you might show me the gardens before I go. We could get some fresh air. Lady Mary: I won't, if you'll forgive me. I ought to s--stay and help Mama. Evelyn Napier: Of course. [Napier nods and turns round to leave, but stops and turns back.] Evelyn Napier: I am so sorry about all this. I've told your father I'll deal with the embassy. There won't be any more annoyance for you. Lady Mary: Thank you. Evelyn Napier: Actually, he was a terribly nice fellow. I wish I could have known him better. [Mary begins to cry again.] Evelyn Napier: I took him on as a duty, but I liked him more and more the longer I knew him. [Mary covers her mouth as she cries.] Evelyn Napier: Perhaps you saw his qualities for yourself. [Mary goes back upstairs crying.] Evelyn Napier: Which obviously you did. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR/KITCHENS - DAY] William: I had an uncle who went like that. Finished his cocoa, closed his book and fell back dead on the pillow. Thomas: I don't think Mr Pamuk bothered with cocoa much, or books. He had other interests. William: I meant, you can go just like that. [William snaps his fingers.] William: With no reason. Gwen: Well, that's why you should treat every day as if it were your last. Thomas: Well, we couldn't criticise Mr Pamuk where that's concerned. Daisy: What do you mean? Thomas: Nothing. Careful with that. [Daisy stares after Thomas as she absentmindedly stirs a bowl. Anna walks upstairs. Gwen is following when Sybil appears around the corner of the servants' hall with a newspaper in her hands.] Lady Sybil: Gwen, are you busy? Gwen: Your Ladyship? [Sybil steps back into the servants' hall and Gwen joins her.] Lady Sybil: I saw this. [Sybil shows Gwen the newspaper.] Lady Sybil: It came out yesterday, look. It's for a secretary at a new firm in Thirsk. See? Gwen: But...I don't understand. How did you know? Lady Sybil: That you want to leave? Carson told my father. Gwen: And you don't mind? Lady Sybil: Why should I? I think it's terrific that people make their own lives, especially women. Write to them today and name me as your reference. I can give it without ever specifying precisely what your work here has been. [Sybil turns to leave.] Gwen: Milady...thank you. [Sybil nods with a smile and leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Napier walks towards Cora who is strolling around the grounds.] Evelyn Napier: Lady Grantham! I've come to say goodbye. They're bringing the car around to take me to the station. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Have you said goodbye to Mary? Evelyn Napier: I have. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Will we be seeing you here again? Evelyn Napier: Nothing would give me more pleasure, but I'm afraid I'm a little busy at the moment, and...I wonder if I might risk embarrassing you, because I should like to make myself clear. The truth is, Lady Grantham, I'm not a vain man. I do not consider myself a very interesting person, but I feel it's important that my future wife should think me so. A woman who finds me boring could never love me, and I believe marriage should be based on love. (chuckles) At least at the start. [Cora smiles.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Thank you for your faith in me, Mr Napier. Your instincts do you credit. Good luck to you. [They shake hands.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Did Mr Napier get off all right? Mr Carson: He did, my lord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: And poor Mr Pamuk has been taken care of? Mr Carson: We got Grasby's from Thirsk in the end. They're very good and they didn't mind coming out on a Sunday. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Is everyone all right downstairs? Mr Carson: Well, you know. He was a handsome stranger from foreign parts one minute, and the next he was as dead as a doornail. It's bound to be a shock. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course. Upstairs or down. It's been horrid for the ladies, and for the female staff, I expect. Mr Carson: It's particularly hard on the younger maids. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Indeed. Don't let the footmen be too coarse in front of them. Thomas likes to show off, but we must have a care for feminine sensibilities. They are finer and more fragile than our own. [Mr Carson nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes finds Mr Bates cringing over his leg again.] Mrs Hughes: Mr Bates? [Bates straightens and pretends nothing is wrong.] Mrs Hughes: I am going to have to insist that you tell me what is the matter. Mr Bates: I thought it was for Mr Carson to give me orders. Mrs Hughes: Mr Carson's no better than any other man when it comes to illness. Now, tell me what it is and I'll see what I can do. Mr Bates: It's nothing, truly. I've twisted my bad leg and walked on it too soon. It'll be fine in a day or two. Mrs Hughes: Well, if it isn't, I'm sending for the doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary is entranced in her own gloomy thoughts. Carson enters to introduce Violet.] Mr Carson: The Dowager Countess. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, my dears, is it really true? I--I can't believe it. Last night he looked so well. Of course, it would happen to a foreigner. It's typical. Lady Mary: Don't be ridiculous. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I'm not being ridiculous. No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else's house. Especially someone they didn't even know. Lady Sybil: Oh, Granny, even the English aren't in control of everything. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, I hope we're in control of something, if only ourselves. Lady Mary: But we're not! Don't you see that? We're not in control of anything at all! [Mary leaves quickly.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Edith, go and tell Mary to come back at once and apologise to her grandmother. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No, leave her alone. She's had a shock, we all have. Just let her rest. [Carson opens the door and William carries in the tea.] Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, just the ticket. Nanny always said, "Sweet tea is the thing for frayed nerves." Though why it has to be sweet, I couldn't tell you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Gwen: What did you mean, "Mr Pamuk lived each day as if it were his last"? Thomas: What I said. Gwen: But, well, how did you know? Thomas: Can't keep William waiting. Gangway. Miss O'Brien: I'll be asking the same question later, so you better have an answer ready. [Thomas leaves with a smirk.] Mrs Patmore: Daisy, where have you hidden the flour? I can't see it anywhere. Daisy: It's just there, Mrs Patmore. Mrs Patmore: Well, fetch it to me, then. Oh, you're all in a daze today. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] Matthew Crawley: Do you think we should've gone up there? To see how they are? Isobel Crawley: I sent a note, but I thought I'd be in the way. Why? Matthew Crawley: Well, I thought Mary was rather struck with him last night, didn't you? Isobel Crawley: Well, it must've been frightful for all of them. But there it is. In the midst of life, we are in death. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] Miss O'Brien: I suppose Mr Napier will have to manage everything. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I suppose he will. Miss O'Brien: We all thought him a very nice gentleman. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Yes, he is nice. Miss O'Brien: Will we be seeing a lot of him? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I don't expect so, no. Miss O'Brien: Because we rather hope Lady Mary might have taken a shine to him. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Seems not. Miss O'Brien: Oh, well. There are plenty more fish in the sea than ever came out of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BACHELOR'S CORRIDOR/GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson enters to check the room. Mary is sitting on a chair in a corner.] Lady Mary: Are you looking for something? [Carson is startled.] Mr Carson: Lady Mary? [Mary stands.] Mr Carson: I just wanted to make sure the room had been tidied up after the...after the people had left. Lady Mary: Life can be terribly unfair, can't it? Mr Carson: It certainly can. Lady Mary: Everything seems so golden one minute, then turns to ashes the next. Can I ask you a question, Carson? Have you ever felt your life was somehow...slipping away? And there was nothing you could do to stop it? Mr Carson: I think everyone feels that at one time or another. Lady Mary: The odd thing is, I feel...for the first time, really...I understand what it is to be happy. It's just that I know that I won't be. Mr Carson: Don't say that, my lady. Don't raise the white flag quite yet. You will still be mistress of Downton. Old Lady Grantham hasn't given up the fight, not by a long shot. Lady Mary: Oh, that. I wasn't even thinking about that. Mr Carson: And if I may say so, my lady, you're still very young. Lady Mary: Am I? I don't feel it. Mr Carson: We're all behind you, my lady. The staff. We're all on your side. [Mary smiles.] Lady Mary: Thank you, Carson. You've always been so kind to me. Always. From when I was quite a little girl. Why is that? Mr Carson: Even a butler has his favourites, my lady. [Mary smiles.] Lady Mary: Does he? I'm glad. Anna: Lady Mary? [Mary stands and dries her eyes.] Anna: Oh, milady, I thought-- [Anna sees Carson.] Lady Mary: Carson and I were just making sure that everything was shipshape in Bristol fashion. And it is. [Mary walks to the door and Anna exits.] Lady Mary: Goodnight, Carson. Mr Carson: Goodnight, my lady. [They exit.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - MORNING] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of all the men on earth. I mean, he looked so fit. Dr Clarkson said it was a heart attack. Did you see any signs? Mr Bates: I didn't have much of a chance to study the gentleman. Robert, Earl of Grantham: You don't suppose there's anything sinister in it, do you? Every day the papers warn us of German spies, and they did say his presence was essential for peace in Albania. Mr Bates: I doubt it, my lord. Anyone wanting to poison his food would have to get past Mrs Patmore. [Robert chuckles.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Blimey, that's a thought. Unless, of course, she's a spy herself. [Bates cringes in pain. Robert is concerned.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I wish you'd tell me what's wrong, Bates. You'll be in no trouble. I only want to help. Mr Bates: I know that, Your Lordship, and I am grateful, truly, but there is nothing I need help with. [Robert nods and lets it go.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORRIDOR - MORNING] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Good morning, Mrs Hughes. Mrs Hughes: Good morning, milord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I wonder if you... [Robert looks back at his room where he left Bates.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates leans on the bed frame, doubled over in pain. Mrs Hughes enters and Bates straightens.] Mrs Hughes: Now, will you kindly explain what in heaven is going on? Mr Bates: I'm perfectly well, Mrs Hughes. A bit stiff, that's all. [Mr Bates begins to limp towards the door, but Mrs Hughes closes it.] Mrs Hughes: Just so long as you know, I'm not leaving until you tell me. [Mr Bates sits in a chair and Mrs Hughes turns to him expectantly.] Mr Bates: I hope you have a strong stomach. [Mr Bates pulls up his pant leg, revealing severe bruising, bleeding, and swelling caused by the limp corrector. Mrs Hughes grimaces.] Mrs Hughes: Oh, my God. [Mrs Hughes puts a hand to her mouth in horror.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew walks away from the house to join Mary.] Matthew Crawley: Cousin Mary? Lady Mary: Hello. Are we expecting you? Matthew Crawley: No, but I wanted to see you. I looked for you yesterday at church. Lady Mary: I wasn't feeling up to it. None of us were. Matthew Crawley: Must have been a horrible shock. Lady Mary: Yes. Matthew Crawley: And he seemed a nice fellow. Lady Mary: He was. A very nice fellow. Matthew Crawley: So, if there's anything I can do...please ask. Lady Mary: There isn't. But thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, LAKE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes precedes Mr Bates down the dock to the lake. Mrs Hughes uncovers the limp corrector she's carrying and hands it to Bates.] Mr Bates: Well, here goes. Mrs Hughes: Do you not think we ought to say a few words? Mr Bates: What? Good riddance? Mrs Hughes: That. And your promise. Mr Bates: Very well. I promise I will never again try to cure myself. I will spend my life happily as the butt of other's jokes, and I will never mind them. Mrs Hughes: We all carry scars, Mr Bates, inside or out. You're no different to the rest of us, remember that. Mr Bates: I will try to. That I do promise. [Mrs Hughes nods and Bates throws the "limp corrector" into the lake.] Mrs Hughes: Good riddance! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COURTYARD - DAY] Miss O'Brien: So, he definitely went in? Thomas: Saw him walk through the door. Miss O'Brien: But you don't know if he went back to his own room? Thomas: Yes, I do, 'cause I was the one who found him there the next day. Miss O'Brien: What I mean is, you don't know if he went back under his own steam. Thomas: Suppose not, but how else would he a done it? Miss O'Brien: That's what they call "the big question". Thomas: I don't want to get in any trouble over this. Miss O'Brien: Don't worry. You won't. Your secret's safe with me.

March 1913. Evelyn Napier, son of a peer visits the family with a dashing Turkish diplomat, Mr Kemal Pamuk, who is in London for the Albanian independence negotiations , and Mary is smitten. Thomas is also attracted to him. Mr Pamuk comes into Mary's room and seduces her, but he dies in her bed. To avert a scandal, Mary is forced to get Anna and her mother to move Pamuk's body back to his room. Cora is horrified by Mary's behaviour but promises not to tell Robert.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x10

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x10_0

Ted from 2030: Kids, in the fall of 2010, I was hosting my very first Thanksgiving. And I wanted it to be unforgettable. The Bar Ted: Instead of stuffing, I'm going to fill the turkey with... a slightly smaller turkey. It's called a Turturkeykey! Lily: A Turturkeykey? Robin: Yeah, I was there for the "insertion." He used shoehorns. I'll be having sides. Ted: Your loss. All right, it's dead in here. I'm gonna call it a little early. Barney: What? No! You can't go now. It's the night before Thanksgiving. College chicks are back in town. Their moms just made a snide comment about the weight they gained. They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right. And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval. Wh-what u-up? Marshall: Yeah. You don't want to bail early, man. You could become The Blitz. Ted from 2030: Blitz was a guy we knew in college. Sadly, he was cursed. [FLASHBACK] Blitz: Well... I'm calling it a little early. Ted: Wh... you sure? We got big plans. Marshall: Yeah. Remember how last week we fired up a sandwich, and we listened to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz? Ted: Well, tonight, we're doing the same thing, only with "Weird Al" Yankovic's Greatest Hits and Apocalypse Now. Marshall: We'll see what happens. Blitz: Nah, it's Kraft/Croft night: mac and cheese and Tomb Raider. Biz-zow! Ted from 2030: You see, every time Blitz left a place, something amazing happened. (A woman enters the room with only a towel on her) Woman: Oh! I'm sorry. I thought this was my room. (The towel falls down. Later...) Ted: Completely naked! Marshall: Completely naked! Blitz: Aw, man! Marshall: And the movie was awesome. Blitz: Aw, man! Ted: At the exact moment Brando first appeared, "Weird Al" launched right into "Eat It." Blitz: Aw, man! Ted from 2030: And over the years, "The Curse of The Blitz" continued. (Later, at the Bar...) Blitz: Well, I'm gonna call it. I just got Madden 2K1, and I can't stop thinking about it. (Blitz leaves) Bar Tender: Tap's broke! Can't turn 'em off! Free beer for everyone! (cheering) Ted: Free beer for everyone! Marshall: Free beer for everyone! Blitz: Aw, man! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: You know what? Ted, go ahead-- leave early to do something lame. Just don't blame us if you become... The Blitz. Ted: All right, first of all... there's nothing lame about brining a Turturkeykey, copyright pending. And secondly, I don't believe "The Curse of The Blitz" is real. (gasps) Ted from 2030: Kids, I'd live to regret those words. You see, the "Curse of Blitz" could be passed from one person to the next, at any moment. Blitz had gotten the curse from Jerry Windheim, back in freshman year, who got it years before that from Davey Beaterman. The original Blitz, Matt Blitz, was a guy who went to Wesleyan back in the '60s. He dropped out right before the school went co-ed. And then, Thanksgiving morning... Ted's appartment (Ted goes out of his room and find the living room completely trashed) Ted: What the hell happened here? Robin: Hey! Morning, Blitz! Ted: Aw, man! No, no! Let's get one thing straight, okay? I am not The Blitz. Barney, singing: My Blitzy lies over the ocean; My Blitzy lies over the sea; My Blitzy lies over the ocean; So bring back my Blitzy... Ted: Please stop. Okay, fine. Barney:...To me. Lily: The Gentleman! Everyone: The Gentleman! Ted: Wait! Wait! Wait! What's that? What's "The Gentleman"? Lily: Oh, you had to be there, Blitz. Yes. Ted: I'm not The Blitz! (Ted goes into the bathroom, he hears a person yawning and opens the bath curtain) Zoey? Zoey: Morning, Blitz! [OPENING CREDITS] Ted from 2030: Kids, you remember Zoey. For the last two months, she'd been making my life hell. (Zoey leaves the appartment) Zoey: Thanks, guys! Last night was amazing! The Gentleman! Everyone: The Gentle... Ted: How could you, my best friends in the world, hang out with my mortal enemy, then let her sleep in the tub where I clean myself?! Lily: Sorry, Ted. We can explain. After you Blitzed out last night... Ted:I'm not The Blitz! [FLASHBACK] Lily: Oh, my God... That's Zoey! That's Ted's enemy. Which means she's our enemy. Let's take this bitch down. [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Huh? Huh? Who's got your back? Now let's have dinner! Ted: Finish the story, Red. Lily: Okay, well, we all started brainstorming ways to mess with her. There were a lot of different ideas kicking around. [FLASHBACK] Barney: And then I'm just going to leave her there... buck-naked, covered in candle wax, tied to the bed. Marshall: Barney, I know that Ted doesn't like that girl, but that's a little extreme. Barney: Wait... Ted doesn't like that girl? Lily: Okay. Wh...? Well, I got it. You see that silk scarf? I'm going to steal it. (Lily goes over to Zoey et try to steal her scarf) Zoey: Can I... help you? Lily: Yeah. Yeah! My name is Lily Aldrin. I'm a friend of Ted Mosby's, so you better... Zoey: You're Lily Aldrin? The painter?! Lily: Well, yeah. Zoey: You're amazing! I bought a bunch of your paintings online. Lily: (gasps) That was you?! Zoey: Yeah. Lily: Oh! Thanks! [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: Look, none of us meant for it to happen, but, well, we had an awesome night with her. [FLASHBACK] Everyone: The Gentleman! (whooping, applause) [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: And then, the craziest thing happened. [FLASHBACK] (A dog is skate-boarding) [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: I missed a skateboarding dog? Lily: Yeah, but that wasn't the crazy part. Ted: It wasn't? [FLASHBACK] Zoey: Okay, Marshall. Truth or dare? Marshall: Okay, awesome. Well, Lily doesn't let me do truths. So, dare. Zoey: Okay. I dare you to send a picture of your junk to a complete stranger. (all laughing, gasping) Marshall: Best idea ever! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Worst idea ever! My junk ended up in some stranger's pocket. If there phone was on vibrate, I basically dry-humped them. [FLASHBACK] Zoey: Okay. Everybody shout out random numbers. Blitz: 4, 8... 15, 16, 23, 42! Zoey: And... send! (cheering) [END O FLASHBACK] Ted: Wait. Blitz was there, too? Blitz: The Gentleman! Everyone: The Gentleman! Blitz: Oh, I was there for the whole thing. Something inside me just said "Grand Theft Auto" can wait a night. Barney: It was legen-- wait for Ted to leave, 'cause he's now The Blitz-- -- dary. Legendary! Ted: I'm not The Blitz! Marshall: I'm afraid you are, Ted. You see, when you left last night, you changed the course of Blitztory. Mysterious voice: Blitz... Blitz: I'm finally free! I mean, you have no idea what I've missed all these years: The university president's toupee being snatched by a hawk at graduation, Zeppelin reuniting at my cousin Ira's bar mitzvah, countless nip-slips, crotch shots, shooting stars and double rainbows. I've missed them all! Barney: Well, not anymore, Blitz. Blitz: My name's not Blitz. My name is Steve! Colors seem so bright now. Thank you, Blitz. Ted: What? No! N- n-n-n-no! N-n-no! I'm not The Blitz! The only thing I missed last night was my best friends stabbing me in the back by hanging out with my worst enemy. Guys! I hate Zoey! That means you're supposed to hate her, too! Th-that's your rule, Lily! Lily: I tried. Ted: Tried?! Lily, do you have any idea how many people I've blindly hated for you? I hated Ren e Zellweger with a burning passion for eight years, only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon! Lily: Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back for You, Me and Dupree! Ted: That's Kate Hudson! Lily: Oh, yeah. That's who I hate. Guys, we hate Kate Hudson. Ted: No, we hate Zoey! I'm so furious at you all right now, but it's Thanksgiving, and I have a Turturkeykey to make. And not that I'm The Blitz, but could everyone please come with me into the kitchen? (all murmuring) Okay, I'm, uh, just gonna preheat the oven. Robin: The oven. [FLASHBAK] Barney: Hey, Robin, you should dance on the oven. (all agreeing, whooping) Everyone, chanting: Make out with Zoey! Make out with Zoey! Make out... [END OF FLASHBACK] (Ted opens the oven, and its door stays stuck in his hand) Steve: Did they tell you about the skateboarding dog? It was awesome! Ted: Great. So not only did you guys betray me, but you broke my oven on Thanksgiving? Barney: Full disclosure. We also used all your butter, greasing up Lily so we could see how far we could slide her down the hall. Lily: But if it helps, I reached 4G. Ted: It doesn't help. 4G? No. What-What are we supposed to do now? Inside a cab Steve: This is awesome! I'm part of this! [SCENE_BREAK] Barney's appartment Ted: Barney, I don't know if the oven is deep enough. Plus, it's a display made of cardboard. Barney: Huh. I should probably disconnect the gas. In the cab Marshall: Hey, just so you guys know, there was a tiny explosion at the sewage treatment plant across the street from our apartment, but I'm sure it's fine by now. A kitchen Steve: This is awesome! Ted: It's not awesome! Robin: I think the smaller turkey just tried to crawl further inside the bigger turkey. The cab Barney: Um... Um... I'm have... I'm having trouble breathing! At Steve's Steve: Mom keeps an extra litter box in here. There you go. Good as new. Oh. Hey, Ginger. The cab Lily: Ted, you're not gonna like this, but we do have one other option. [FLASHBACK] Zoey: Hey, you guys should come to my house for Thanksgiving. My husband always spends it with his daughter, so I'm going to be alone anyway. Lily: Could we bring Ted? Zoey: It's Thanksgiving. What the hell? [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: No. Absolutely not. Lily: Come on. Give her a chance. Robin: Ted, you violated a dead turkey with another dead turkey. Don't let that be in vain. Marshall: Guys? Wait a minute. Where's Barney? Inside another cab Barney: And here's the twist, Babaka. Because Ted left early, he's now The Blitz. Babaka: But Barney, now you left the group. Wouldn't that put you in danger of becoming The Blitz yourself? Barney: No. I c... Because... Step on it. In front of the elevator of Zoey's building Marshall: You missed it. Steve: Oh, my goodness. Our cab took a wrong turn. We were in the Thanksgiving Day parade! Robin: Tony Bennett passed Ted the mike and he sang "Twist and Shout!" Barney: But he's The Blitz. Ted: No. I'm not The Blitz. I'm The Bueller. You know what this means. You're The Blitz. Mysterious voice: Blitz... Barney: Oh, God, no! Marshall: Life moves pretty fast, Barney. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it. Ted: Chicka-chicka! (Lily knocks on Zoey's door) Zoey: Happy Thanksgiving! Ted. Ted: Zoey. Lily: Best friend alert! Ted: Okay, the Turturkeykey is officially cooking. Marshall: Oh, God, that is disgusting! Ted: Okay, guys, that's starting to hurt. Marshall: No... no, Ted. Random number guy just sent me his wang back. Robin: Wow. You sent a wang out, and you got a wang back. Lily: It's a boom-a-wang. Robin: Nice. Lily: Thank you. Robin: No, I meant the wang. Zoey: Barney, could you get me some more ice? Barney: Sure. But... no one move while I'm gone. (whispering): I'm scared. Steve: You're safe. It's okay to leave the room. You have to actually leave the building for something cool to happen. Barney: Thanks. You're the only one who's nice to me about this. Steve: Okay, I got to test this. (Steve throw a coin in the air, and it lands on its edge, everyone start yelling happily) Barney: What happened? Lily: You missed it! Marshall: Dude, you walked out of the room, the laws of physics stopped and the laws of awesome tripled. Barney: Aw, man! You said I could leave the room! Steve: I just wanted to see something cool happen. I'm sorry. But I was on that island for what seems like eternity. I'm going to enjoy things on the other side. Barney: No! Y-You... Robin, Robin. I will pay you to be The Blitz. $100! No-- $10,000. No-- 60 bucks. That's a lot of money for someone like you. Marshall: Dude, The Blitz isn't something that can be bought or sold. Zoey: Yeah, it's not like Ted's integrity. Ted: Oh, what was that? I was distracted by the four-caret diamond your 53-year-old husband bought you. Steve: Facial! Ted: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turturkeykey to baste. Zoey: I'm coming with you. Ted: No... I baste alone. Zoey: Oh, I'm sure you're a master baster, Ted. Steve: Word play. Loving it. Zoey: But relax. I've got a ton of sides to heat up since my plans fell through. Ted: Who canceled? Your coven? Steve: Coven. Group of witches. Zoey: Yeah. They were worn out from putting that spell on your hair. Steve: Oh! Serve returned. Ted: Are you happy? You're ruining Thanksgiving. Zoey: Well, you're not exactly who I thought I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either. Steve: God, I'm so happy to be here. My face hurts from smiling. Ted: Oh... I'm sorry, Lily. I'm just never going to like that woman. Lily: Ted, give her a chance. Ted: Enemies can't become friends. Zoey: Yes, they can. Right, guys? Ted: No, no, no. You guys can't be objective. You still feel guilty about last night. Robin: Well, let's get an outside opinion. Ted: Who are we gonna... Robin: "Dear Wang Guy...Can enemies ever be friends? Just wondering." Ted: Really? Wang Guy? We're asking Wang Guy? Robin: He's bold and uninhibited, so why not? And guys, you know what? For fun, why don't we ask him what he does for a living? Wouldn't that be fun? Just ask... Lily: Aww. You've got a little crush on Wang Guy, don't you? Robin: What? No. Shut up. I hate him. (cell phone chimes) Marshall: Oh, look. We got an answer. Here it is. "Yes, enemies can become friends. "Remember what Gandhi said. 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'" Steve: Uh, did Wang Guy just quote Gandhi? Barney, laughing: That is amazing. And I was here for it. Now Zoey is The Blitz. Ha, ha! (weak laugh) Burn on her. Steve: Come on, man. Don't be that Blitz. Barney: I'm not any Blitz! You're The Blitz! You're all The Blitz! I slept with that cute Indian girl who cuts my hair! Robin: What does that have to do with anything? Barney: Nothing! I just forgot to brag about it before! Ted: Guys, despite the wit and wisdom of Wang Guy, Zoey and I are never going to be friends. We're just here for her oven and that's it. (Ted inadvertantly bumps into Zoey, the entire bowl she was holding spills onto her) Ted: Oh, my God! Zoey: Did you do that on purpose? Ted: What? No. It was an accident. Zoey: Oh, yeah. Well, like this is. Ted: Oh, great. Real mature. Zoey: Yeah, well, you started it. (Ted and Zoey are shouting) Lily: Just stop it! God, can't you two just stop fighting for one day? Like, when the Roadrunner and the Coyote clocked out and had a beer together? Or-Or-Or Tom and Jerry shared a cup of coffee. Ted: Lily, those are cartoon characters, and I'm pretty sure you're making up episodes. And if Zoey is a cartoon character, she's Cinderella's evil stepmother! Zoey: Oh, get out. All of you, out! Lily: But it's Thanksgiving. Steve: And I'm a part of it. Zoey: Out! Inside a cab Marshall: Wait... Where's Barney? At Zoey's Barney: Hey, guys, the most amazing thing just happened to me in that other roo... Aw, man. Inside the cab Lily: I don't get it. Why'd she just kick us out like that? Ted from 2030: And then the cab driver said the last thing any of us wanted to hear. Driver: Where to? Ted: I guess we're going home. Driver: Yeah. I don't know where that is. Ted: Lily, where'd you get that? Lily: Oh. When Zoey booted us, it made me want to steal something of hers again. Apartment full of designer labels, and what do I grab? "Happy Turkey Day, Hannah. Love, Zoey." I wonder who Hannah is. [FLASHBACK] Zoey: Hey, you guys should come to my house for Thanksgiving. My husband always spends it with his daughter, so I'm going to be alone, anyway. Well, you're not exactly who I thought I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either. Ted: And if Zoey is a cartoon character, she's Cinderella's evil stepmother! Zoey: Get out! All of you, out! [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: We have to go back to Zoey's. Driver: You gotta throw me some addresses, buddy. At Zoey's Zoey: Oh, God. What are you doing here? Ted: Barney let us in. Zoey: Barney was here? I was walking around half-naked. Barney: Aw, man! Wait. Which half? Ted: Look, I'm sorry your stepdaughter didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with you. Zoey: How do you know that? Ted: I just do. It must be tough. Zoey: It was the first Thanksgiving Hannah agreed to spend with me, and then at the last minute she changed her mind. She hates my guts. Ted: I get that. Uh, you should hang on to this. You can give it to her next year. Zoey: Yeah... Right. Next year. Ted: Hey, you never know. People don't stay enemies forever. Ted from 2030: And that's the story of how Zoey and I became friends. Everyone: Cheers. Zoey: Before we eat, we should take a group picture and send it to Wang Guy. Marshall: Ooh. Oh. Great idea. All right. Okay. Here we go. One, two, three. Zoey: Ted, that is the best-looking turturkeykey I have ever seen. Ted: Thank you. Let's just hope it tastes as good as it looks. Ted from 2030: It didn't. It tasted wrong. Steve: Oops. We forgot to light the candles. (Steve stands up to go looking for the candles) Ted from 2030: And just as Barney looked away, it happened. (Barney picks up his spoon, steve knock down the books on the chimney, which knock down a ball, which knocks down a pot of flowers, wich throws a hat right onto the turkey) Everyone: The Gentleman! Barney: What happened? I saw it! Steve: Aw, come on, Blitz. Now it's just sad. Aw, man. Oh, go ahead. I forgot my jacket. (Barney enters the elevator as a woman leaves her appartment) Woman: Oh, hold the door! (She enters the elevator and her dress gets stuck as the doors closes.The dress got torn apart) Barney: Thank you, God! Mysterious voice: Blitz.

When Ted leaves the bar early to prepare a Thanksgiving feast for his friends, the gang winds up partying all night with The Blitz, an old friend from college who has bad luck. As a result Ted is forced to spend Thanksgiving with Zoey.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_20x04

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_20x04_0

ARC OF INFINITY BY: JOHNNY BYRNE Part Four First Air Date: 12 January 1983 Running time: 24:28 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: We know who you are. OMEGA (on monitor): That changes nothing. Transfer will take place as planned. BORUSA: But you are anti-matter. DOCTOR: You seriously believe you can reverse what happened? OMEGA (on monitor): Oh yes, Doctor. BORUSA: Not without Hedin's help. Your friend is dead. DOCTOR: Omega, listen! BORUSA: Omega must be found and stopped. DOCTOR: We know he's on Earth. NYSSA: He has a friend of ours captive. Tegan, an Earthwoman. BORUSA: Would she know their precise location? DOCTOR: Perhaps, but I would have to enter the Matrix to find out. NYSSA: No. Omega's mad. He'll kill her. DOCTOR: Please, Nyssa NYSSA: You know that DOCTOR: Wait in the TARDIS! Please. DOCTOR: Even if we know where Omega is, can the TARDIS leave Gallifrey? BORUSA: We will contrive a way for you to leave. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Well, Omega, you've won. We can't stop you now. OMEGA: It cost Hedin's life to convince you. DOCTOR: That was an accident. Is Tegan safe? OMEGA: She is. DOCTOR: Prove it. Let me speak to her. TEGAN: Help us, Doctor. My cousin, he's sick. We're in an underground crypt behind a fountain OMEGA: Silence, girl! DOCTOR: I told you, you've won. Even if we know where you are, we can't leave Gallifrey. You know that. TEGAN: Holland, Doctor. Amsterdam. OMEGA: Tell him the precise location and you will die. TEGAN: JHC! OMEGA: Silence! DOCTOR: She's unharmed? OMEGA: Of course. And so long as you do not work against me, she will remain so. [SCENE_BREAK] BORUSA: Amsterdam? Do you know the precise location of this Earth city? DOCTOR: Yes. BORUSA: Prepare your TARDIS. Be ready to leave as soon as I communicate with you. Trust me. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: The Doctor will find us. If anyone can, he will. [SCENE_BREAK] BORUSA: Damon, the Doctor's TARDIS must leave undetected. Isn't there any way of distracting Omega? DAMON: I've already tested the bypass procedures. Omega has cut us off. THALIA: A pulse loop, Lord President? BORUSA: Of course! Fetch it, Damon. Thalia, prepare the Matrix terminal. ZORAC: A pulse loop? BORUSA: Oh, a simple device to trace faults on the master circuits. THALIA: It has a photon pulse. Omega will have to track it down to confirm that we're not trying to bypass the matrix control. BORUSA: And in the confusion it will allow the Doctor's TARDIS to leave undetected. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Well? DOCTOR: Don't worry, Tegan's unharmed. [SCENE_BREAK] BORUSA: Are you ready to leave, Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: As soon as you give the word. [SCENE_BREAK] BORUSA: Right. DAMON: Now. BORUSA: Now. Go, Doctor. BORUSA: Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: We're clear. Come on, Nyssa. NYSSA: Now what? DOCTOR: One or two things I've got to get together. [SCENE_BREAK] DAMON: It's working, sir. Omega is confused. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: We're almost ready to materialise. DOCTOR: Good. NYSSA: What's that for? DOCTOR: Omega's using a fusion booster to build up energy to transfer. If we can attach this, it should knock it out of phase. NYSSA: Isn't that dangerous? DOCTOR: Hopefully it'll feed the power back through his own equipment. NYSSA: A kind of short circuit. DOCTOR: Exactly. How's the meter? NYSSA: Now calibrated to detect any change in anti-matter. [SCENE_BREAK] DAMON: Omega's destroyed the loop. BORUSA: Let's hope it gave the Doctor all the time he needed. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I don't believe it. NYSSA: What? DOCTOR: I think we made it. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] STUART: It sounds like a power house in there. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: How do you know where to look? DOCTOR: When I spoke to Tegan, she mentioned her cousin and the JHC. NYSSA: So? DOCTOR: She risked her life to give us that piece of information. If we find out what the JHC is, it might lead us to where she is. NYSSA: How will you find out? DOCTOR: We'll start with the telephone directory. NYSSA: You're dealing with a Time Lord, Doctor. You won't find answers in there. DOCTOR: Won't we? JHC, JHC, JHC, JHC, JHC Jeugdherberg Central Youth Hostels. Must be where Tegan was staying. NYSSA: So? DOCTOR: Well, there's not many of them. We'll give them a ring. Ah. Nyssa, money? NYSSA: You must have a coin somewhere. Is that it? DOCTOR: Afraid so. Anti-matter present but steady. Omega hasn't transferred yet, but it can't be much longer. NYSSA: Can you find him using that? DOCTOR: If only it were that easy. NYSSA: What now? DOCTOR: No other choice. We must check every hostel on foot. NYSSA: Can't we use the TARDIS? DOCTOR: Can't risk it. Might alert Omega. This way. [SCENE_BREAK] BORUSA: Ah, Castellan. CASTELLAN: You wanted to see me, Lord President? BORUSA: You wish to resign. CASTELLAN: I had no right, without evidence, to accuse the Doctor of treason. BORUSA: True, you made a foolish mistake, but ultimately we are judged by how much we profit from our mistakes. Will you? CASTELLAN: Who can say, Lord President? BORUSA: Your offer to resign is refused, Castellan. You will return to duty forthwith. DAMON: Lord President, Omega's transfer is imminent. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: This could take forever. DOCTOR: Well, there's no other way. NYSSA: That receptionist wasn't very friendly. What if he was being difficult, chose not to remember Tegan. DOCTOR: We go on, Nyssa. NYSSA: Can't the Time Lords help? DOCTOR: No, they've done all they can, and now it's up to us. DOCTOR: We'll try one more hostel, then we'll split up. Divide our effort. NYSSA: How much time do we have? DOCTOR: Well, it can't be long. I fear Omega is about to transfer. [SCENE_BREAK] MAN: We have no record of a Miss Jovanka. DOCTOR: And what about her cousin? MAN: How would I know that, sir? DOCTOR: Yes. Sorry. Well, thank you. MAN: Excuse me? You said your friend was from Australia? DOCTOR: Yes. MAN: Well, I wasn't on duty yesterday, but there was an Australian. Colin Frazer. One moment, please. NYSSA: Isn't there anything at all we can do? DOCTOR: No. Tegan is our only link. RECEPTIONIST: Excuse me. You wish to know about Miss Jovanka? DOCTOR: Yes. RECEPTIONIST: Well, Mister Stuart, a friend of Mister Frazer, left something for her. I was to give this to her if he missed her at the airport. DOCTOR: May I see? RECEPTIONIST: Well, I'm not supposed to NYSSA: It's very important we find her. DOCTOR: Frankendael. Where is that? RECEPTIONIST: Frankendael? Not far. DOCTOR: Could you show me? RECEPTIONIST: Of course. RECEPTIONIST: Er, there. DOCTOR: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Where is it? DOCTOR: Er, it's very near. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Oh, sorry. NYSSA: Oh, I'm so sorry. DOCTOR: Sorry, sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] DAMON: Come on, Doctor. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Frankendael! NYSSA: I can't see a crypt. It must be behind the house. DOCTOR: It's only a matter of minutes. The fountain! Tegan said behind the fountain. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Where could they be? DOCTOR: Well, that depends on the form Omega's given his TARDIS. Listen. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Yes, perfect. NYSSA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Of course. I've been so silly. Amsterdam is located on the curve of the Arc, below sea level to maintain pressure for fusion conversion. DOCTOR: The fusion booster from Gallifrey. DOCTOR: Nyssa! DOCTOR: Nyssa! Fire, Nyssa! NYSSA: What was it? DOCTOR: An Ergon. One of Omega's less successful attempts at psychosynthesis. Quickly. [SCENE_BREAK] OMEGA: Drop the weapon, Doctor. Drop it, or the Earthwoman dies. NYSSA: Tegan! DOCTOR: It's too late, Omega. You can't transfer now. OMEGA: I have all the energy I need. OMEGA: What have you done? DOCTOR: The Arc of Infinity is shifting. Go, Omega, please, while you still have a chance. OMEGA: I must transfer. Cease to be anti-matter. DOCTOR: Down! OMEGA: Yes, Doctor. I live. DOCTOR: No. The bond is not complete. OMEGA: Isn't it? DOCTOR: It's not permanent. It will fail, revert to anti-matter. OMEGA: You're wrong, Doctor. I have life again. You destroyed my TARDIS, but I shall build another. Expect me on Gallifrey soon. NYSSA: Doctor, quickly. DOCTOR: I must find the matter converter. I can't destroy Omega without it. Tegan, help me! TEGAN: I must help Colin. DOCTOR: Tegan, hurry! [SCENE_BREAK] DAMON: The Doctor has failed. Anti-matter, and building up fast. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Doctor! TEGAN: Omega killed him? DOCTOR: Yes. He'd want to hide himself in the crowd. Well, at least we have some idea of what he's wearing. TEGAN: What happens if we don't find him? DOCTOR: The biggest explosion this part of the universe is ever likely to witness. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: He can't be far ahead. TEGAN: How much time do we have? DOCTOR: I don't know. The magnetic shield is in accelerated decay now. NYSSA: What'll happen? DOCTOR: He'll revert to anti-matter. TEGAN: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] ZORAC: The Doctor's not going to be able to contain it. CASTELLAN: I've found it unwise to predict what the Doctor can or cannot do. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: We've lost him. DOCTOR: I see you, Omega. NYSSA: Doctor! DOCTOR: This way. DOCTOR: He'll be all right. TEGAN: Are you okay? DOCTOR: He'll be all right. [SCENE_BREAK] DAMON: The shielding is going fast. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: He's disappeared. NYSSA: He can't have. DOCTOR: I warned you this would happen, Omega. OMEGA: Things could have been different. Power, and the greatness of Omega, could have been yours. But no, your hatred of me DOCTOR: We didn't hate you, Omega. Why couldn't you be content to survive as you were? Why? OMEGA: Time to come home, Doctor. Time for rest, to find peace. But it's over now. All must die. OMEGA: You'll never have the courage to use it, Doctor. DOCTOR: I can expel or destroy you, Omega. It's your choice. OMEGA: Too late, Doctor. What you offer is worse than death. If I am denied life, then all must perish. TEGAN: What's he trying to do? DOCTOR: Willing his own destruction. Don't force me, Omega. OMEGA: Farewell, Doctor. TEGAN: Stop him! DOCTOR: It's over. [SCENE_BREAK] DAMON: The anti-matter source is gone. Omega has been destroyed. BORUSA: Unfortunate, wretched creature. My hope is that he has found peace at last. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Is Omega dead? DOCTOR: Well, he seemed to die before, yet he returned to confound us all. TEGAN: Well, you'll be pleased to hear Colin will be out of hospital in a couple of days and on his way home to Brisbane. DOCTOR: Excellent. NYSSA: And what about you? TEGAN: Oh, indestructible. I'm fine. DOCTOR: It's been marvellous to see you again. NYSSA: Indeed. I've missed you. I wish you didn't have to go back to your job. TEGAN: What job? Didn't I tell you? I got the sack. So you're stuck with me, aren't you. DOCTOR: So it seems.

The Doctor having returned to Earth, finds Omega's Tardis and is not able to prevent Omega's transfer upon arrival. Omega being of anti-matter and unstable is on the verge of destroying the planet in his attempt to regain a body.

fd_Frasier_09x14

fd_Frasier_09x14_0

Skyline: The light atop the space needle flashes. ACT 1 Scene 1 - Caf Nervosa. Roz and Frasier are seated. Kenny brings them coffee. Roz: Oh, thank you for the coffee, Kenny. Kenny: Oh, you don't have to thank me. We're not keeping score. Life's too short to keep track of who owes who for this or that or whatnot. Let's just enjoy ourselves. Frasier: Whatever you want, Kenny, the answer is no. Kenny: [caught] Just hear me out. Look, I need a favor but before I tell you what it is, I want you to look at this. He hands Frasier a stack of papers. Frasier looks at it. Frasier: "KACL Psychographics." Kenny: We hired a firm to sift through the program data and give us a kind of profile on each show's average listener. Frasier: All right, let's see. [reading] Gil's average listener is a woman, mid-30's, well-educated, hmmm... What about my average listener. Who is she? Kenny: [taking the papers] Well, actually, uh, she's an older gentleman... [Frasier reacts unhappily] who likes to keep the radio on for company. Roz: Ouch. Frasier: Oh, and Roz, it seems a number of listeners think you're a man. Roz: What?! Frasier: [indicating the data] I'm sorry the-the station spent its money on this nonsense, but this research is patently absurd. Kenny: Regardless, you could really stand to increase your audience in the youth market. Frasier: Well, I thought we upped the advertising budget for that very reason. Kenny: I did, but I need some help. How would you like to be a guest on Teen Scene? Frasier: I'm sorry, Kenny. I've done that show before, I'm not doing it again. Kenny: Doc, you could use younger listeners. You've seen the research. Frasier: My show is fine. That so-called research is nothing but a bunch of... confounded correlations and mediocre deductions. A Caf guest, Lucy, approaches the table. Lucy: Excuse me, are you Dr. Frasier Crane? Frasier: Yes, as a matter of fact I am. Lucy: Can I get your autograph? Frasier: What's your name? Lucy: Lucy. But make it out to Paul. I volunteer at his hospice, and I think you're just about the only friend he has left anymore. Kenny stares at Frasier as he begins to write the autograph. Frasier: [to Kenny] Fine, I'll meet the kids. [SCENE_BREAK] NILES GETS HIS DAILY DOSE OF SPINACH Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment. Niles and Daphne are seated on the couch. Niles: I have a little something for you. He hands Daphne a jewelry box. Daphne: Ohh... Earrings. They're beautiful. Niles: Try them on. I've disinfected them with peroxide. Daphne: Niles, it's a lovely thought, but you kind of gave me the exact same pair last summer. Niles: No, I did not. Daphne: Yeah, take a look. She pulls back her hair to reveal the earrings. Niles: I am so sorry. Daphne: Oh, don't be silly. It was bound to happen sometime after all the nice presents you give me. I'll just have to get pierced somewhere else. Niles: Still, I... He reacts to what she has just said with shock and then a cheesy smile. Somewhat taken aback, he then mouths "What?" Daphne grins. Martin enters in his robe. Daphne: Well, well, look who's up. How was your company party, Mr. Crane? Martin: Fine. Niles: Sounds like it was more than just fine if you're getting up this late. Daphne: He came in late, too. Martin: [sitting at the table] Didn't know there was a curfew. Daphne: [rising, moving toward him] Oh my God! Is that lipstick on your chin? It is! Martin: I got kissed, okay? Big whoop. Niles moves to join them. Martin wipes his chin. Martin: There's no lipstick on my chin. Daphne: Busted! Niles and Daphne break out in laughter and sit down at the table. Niles: Well, so what's her name? Daphne: Yeah, when can we meet her? Martin: Her name's Peg, and nobody's meeting anyone. It was just a little fooling around, that's all. Daphne looks at Niles, incredulous. Niles: Well, are you going to see her again? Martin: No, and if she calls I'm not here, got it? I don't want to encourage her. Daphne: Well, why not? It sounds like you had fun. Martin: See, this is exactly the conversation I'm trying to avoid with Peg. You kiss a girl, and suddenly she wants to know "What does it mean?" and "When can I see you again?" "Why don't you call me?" Daphne: [disdainfully] That's a wonderful attitude. Martin: Hey, it was great and I loved it, but I don't want to ruin it by making it more than it was. Women never let you have a bite of ham. They always make you sit down for spinach. Niles and Daphne ponder his point. FADE OUT. Scene 3 - Caf Nervosa. Frasier and Roz are seated. Kirby walks in and approaches them. Kirby: Whoa! This is embarrassing, huh? All three of us going to the same place when we're skipping out on work. Frasier: We are not skipping out on work. Kirby: Right, we're all at the doctor's. [chuckles "knowingly"] Frasier: Kirby, we don't work the same hours that you do. We're done for the day. Kirby: Oh, yeah, that's good. It's better if we don't all use the same excuse. [He sits.] Frasier: Kirby, I think it's time for you to straighten up. You show up late every day. You are inattentive, and you have a bad attitude. How do you expect to thrive in this job or any other job? I am this close to giving you a lecture! Kenny enters. Kenny: Hey, guys. Uh, Doc, you got a minute? There's someone I want you to meet. We see Emily seated in the corner. She is well-dressed, sitting up straight, looking the typical high school honor student. Kirby: Oh, dude, that's Emily Crowther - one of the nimrods from Teen Scene. You're not going to do that show, are you? Those guys go to my old high school. A bunch of losers. He makes a rude gesture on the last word. Kenny: For your information, Kirb... Hey, I thought you were at the doctor. Kirby: I was. Uh, he says everything is fine. He also said I probably shouldn't come in tomorrow until about 11:30. Kenny: How dumb do you think I am? You will show up first thing tomorrow morning - after your "Meals on Wheels" delivery. Roz and Frasier exchange a look at this. Kirby: You got it. He rises and leaves. Frasier: [rising] Listen, Kenny, I'm actually just on my way out. Perhaps I could meet this young lady tomorrow at the station? Kenny: Oh, come on. Say hi to the kid. She's a big fan. Frasier: Really? Well, gosh, I would hate to appear standoffish. After all, the young lady has built up a certain image of me in her mind, and that shouldn't be crushed certainly. [He puts on his coat.] Roz: Do we have to go through this every time? Go over there! She gestures for them to leave, twice. Frasier and Kenny walk to the corner where Emily is seated. Emily rises. Kenny: Emily Crowther. Dr. Frasier Crane. Emily is grinning widely and reaches to shake his hand. Frasier: Hello, Emily. Emily: Pleased to meet you, Dr. Crane! I look forward to having you on our show! Frasier: Well, technically, I haven't agreed to do it yet. You see, I had a rather bad experience on Teen Scene the last time. Emily: [exuberant] Are you familiar with the new Teen Scene? Frasier: Well, uh, no, actually I'm not. Emily: [jumping in excitedly] Well then you don't know that we do hard- hitting journalism with a youthful bent! [slipping into obvious flattery] Of course, it's not nearly as distinguished as your show, which I adore. Her nose is quite brown at this point - and Frasier laps it up. Frasier: Really. Kenny: Big fan! Emily: Dr. Crane, may I be frank? Having you on our show would be, In your own words, "a great boon" to us. Frasier: A boon. He smiles warmly. This clinches it for him. Frasier: Do you really think so? Kenny: Oh, major boon. Frasier: Well, then, consider it granted. I'm sure we'll have a splendid time. Emily squeals in delight and grins widely. They shake hands. Frasier: Who knows, I may even learn something from you. Emily: Oh, you flatter me, Dr. Crane. Frasier moves to exit. Niles is entering. Niles: Hello, Frasier. Frasier: Ah, Niles. Niles: Who's manning the Pasquini? Frasier: Jimmy Ray! [he exits] Niles: Capital. [he takes off his coat and moves to the counter] Cappuccino, please. Hello, Roz. Roz: Hey, Niles. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out buying Daphne another pair of earrings? Niles: Oh... please, don't make me feel any worse. Roz: Actually, I thought it was sweet. Niles: Well, I feel just awful. Roz: You want to know what I would do? Niles: [hesitating] Oh, what the hell? [He sits.] Roz: First of all, enough with the earrings. Everything doesn't have to be so fancy. Don't get me wrong. Jewelry is terrific, but sometimes a woman likes to know that you're paying attention. Mix it up a little. Do something crazy - I mean totally out there. Niles: Are you talking about scarves? [The waiter hands him his cup.] Thank you. Roz: [regrouping after Niles's question] OK, let me give you an example. When I was 20, my boyfriend stole a "Doyle's Pub" sign for me. We were drunk and we saw it, and he said "Hey, that's your name on that sign. You should have it." It was spontaneous, and a little dangerous... and very romantic! Niles: [thoughtful, the wheels turning] Spontaneous and dangerous... Thanks, Roz. You've given me something to mull over during my herbal wrap. He sips his coffee thoughtfully. FADE OUT. Scene 4 - Frasier's apartment. Martin enters. Daphne is carrying a food tray to the table. Daphne: Oh, good. I thought you were going to miss Dr. Crane on the radio. Martin: How many times a day is that guy on? Daphne: It's not his show, it's Teen Scene. Martin: Oh, I don't have time for that teenage crap. [taking off his coat] Did I get a call from a girl today? Daphne: [carrying the tray to the coffee table] You mean Peg? Martin: Or any girl. Or Peg. [fishing] Did Peg call? Daphne: No. It's been a few days, hasn't it? Martin: I really thought she'd try to spring that relationship stuff on me. Well, I guess I misjudged her. [He sits in his chair.] Daphne: Unless she didn't like her free sample. Martin: [grinning and chuckling] I think we can rule that out. When a lady gets the full Marty Crane treatment, she doesn't forget it. Daphne: [coyly] And Peg got the Full Marty? Martin: I never give anything less. So, yeah, I guess I am a little surprised she hasn't called. I mean, mostly relieved, of course, but... also surprised. Daphne: Don't feel bad. Maybe you had an off night. Martin: [snorting sarcastically] Anything's possible, I suppose. The phone rings. Daphne slowly moves to answer it, making Martin squirm. She picks it up on the third ring. Daphne: Hello? [excitedly] Well, yes he is! One moment please. She mouths "It's a woman" and smiles broadly, handing Martin the phone. Martin: [imitating Al Pacino ("Scent of a Woman")] Hola! [Daphne rolls her eyes.] Uh-huh. Oh, I think that would be fine. Thursday at 9:00? See you then. He hangs up. Daphne: Well... look who's suddenly in a relationship! Martin: Shows you what you know. That was the dentist. Daphne: Thank goodness, right? Martin: Right! Daphne nods sarcastically behind his back and heads for the kitchen. Martin stares forlornly at the phone. FADE OUT. END OF ACT 1 ACT 2 Scene 5 - Radio Station. Frasier is standing in the hall outside the studio talking to Emily, who is standing primly, with a very officious attitude. Emily: I agree with you, sir. The difference between valedictorian and salutatorian is largely arbitrary. Frasier: Thank you, Emily. I didn't mean to go on like that, but... the wound is still raw. Kirby approaches, carrying a stack of boxes. Frasier: Hello, Kirby. Kirby: [icily] Hello Emily. How's Honors everything? Emily: Splendid, thank you. [disdainfully] How's carrying a bunch of boxes around a radio station? Kirby: Good. Frasier: You know, Emily, I was thinking that perhaps after the show I could invite you and your friends to a... a cheeseburger or some such. Emily: Oh, we'd like that very much. [Her grin is cheesier than the proposed burger.] Can I get you a coffee? Frasier: Oh, yes. Thank you, Emily. You know I asked for one a little while ago, but it never showed up. He glares at Kirby. Emily departs on the errand. Kirby: [shouting down the hall at Emily, dodging Frasier's anger] Now who's carrying a bunch of stuff around a radio station? Frasier groans at Kirby. CUT TO: the interior of the studio. A man is seated at Frasier's usual console. He is smoking heavily, and his hair and clothes are very unkempt. Frasier enters. Andy: Hi, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Oh. Andy: Andy McNiff. [They shake hands.] Frasier: Andy. Andy: I'm the moderator. I'm really glad you could make it. Frasier: Yes, well... likewise, I look forward to some intergenerational byplay. He sits in the "guest" chair. Frasier: Uh, by the way, Andy, are you going to be smoking all night? Andy: [looking at his pack, which is apparently full] Yeah. [Frasier's displeasure shows.] Look, no matter what happens, I'm on your side. Frasier: [confused] Thank you. What does that mean exactly? Andy: Well, uh... He is interrupted by the appearance of Emily and two male friends who enter from the booth. Andy: Hi, guys! Your guest has arrived. Emily: [handing Frasier a mug] Here's your coffee, Dr. Crane. These are my colleagues, Ryan and Trent. Frasier: Trent. [They shake hands.] Trent: Pleased to meet you, sir. We're very excited. Frasier: Likewise. Hello, Ryan. He shakes Ryan's hand. Ryan and Trent also look the role of the honor student, both wearing Dockers and collared shirts. Andy: [on a signal from a producer in the booth] Ten seconds, guys. [He puts on headphones.] Frasier: [somewhat nervous] Ah, right. [He sits back down.] You know, you may be surprised to learn that it was not so very many years ago when I myself occupied those tough years 'twixt 12 and 20. He puts on headphones, as do the three youths. They take their places on stools in front of microphones behind Andy, looking like the stunt double line-up for a movie starring Ryan Phillipe, Reese Witherspoon, and Freddie Prinze, Jr. Andy opens the show. Andy: Hi, and welcome to Teen Scene, Seattle's premier talk show for young people. I'm Andy McNiff, and for the next 60 minutes we'll be engaged in some straight talk with our special guest. [Frasier grins.] And here to get things rolling is our Teen Scene panel: Trent, Ryan, and Emily. Trent? Trent: Tonight, we're talking to Dr. Frasier Crane, a man who knows what makes us tick. But what do we know about him? Frasier reacts with surprise at this comment. Emily: Dr. Crane, you're a popular psychiatrist and radio personality. What would you say is the secret of your success? Frasier: I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I am a good listener and have a friendly voice, and I also try to pass along some real psychological insight and advice. Emily: [glancing at her notes] My research shows that your replies Are typically less than five minutes long. Doesn't seem like a lot of time for substantive psychological advice. Frasier: Yes, well if I believe there's a real problem than I usually refer the caller... Emily: [interrupting him with an evil grin] So if it's a real problem than you pass the buck. Frasier, dumbfounded, looks and mouths words at Andy, who seems disinterested and looks away. Frasier: Excuse me?! Ryan: February 9, 1993. Does that date mean anything to you? Frasier: Should it? Ryan: According to the Boston Globe you spent two hours on a ledge threatening to jump if your wife left you. Frasier now realizes he has been rail-roaded. Ryan: How many of your listeners are aware that they're taking advice from a man who was nearly a stain on the sidewalk? "Cheers." The only other references to it on "Frasier" of which I am aware are in Episodes [1.02] "Space Quest," [2.18] "The Club," and, obliquely, in [2.18] "Beloved Infidel."] Andy does not intervene, but taps the spent end of his cigarette into the ashtray, seeming somewhat oblivious. Frasier: Andy, isn't it about time for a commercial break? Andy: Actually, this show is a public service, therefore commercial- free. He shrugs and mouths "Sorry" at Frasier. Frasier: [resigned] Splendid. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 6 - A residential street, presumably in suburban Seattle. Niles is walking Eddie down the street. He is dressed in black from head to toe, including a trench coat. He passes a street lamp. A pause. He moves with stealth back to the lamp, with Eddie in tow. The camera reveals the top of the lamp, which also serves as the corner street indicator. The two signs read "Maple Street 1700," and, far more significantly, "Daphne Lane 200." Niles looks around nervously. Eddie barks. Niles whistles. Eddie lifts his leg and appears to do his business on the lamp pole. They are briefly illuminated by the headlights of a passing vehicle. Niles whistles at Eddie again, and he lowers his leg. He gives Eddie a treat and walks with him to the hedge behind the sidewalk. Niles pulls a folding stepladder from behind the hedge. He stands it next to the pole. He then flips back his coat to reveal a tool belt, from which he takes a wrench. (Who does he think he is, Batman? And any seasoned burglar would have told him to go motorized, sacrificing silence for speed. - Mike Lee) Looking up at the sign, he places the wrench in his mouth and begins to climb the ladder, but is interrupted by Eddie barking at something. He climbs back down, hurriedly sticks the ladder back behind the hedge, removes the wrench from his mouth, and moves Eddie back to the pole, whistling again. Eddie repeats the leg-lifting routine. A couple of pedestrians walk past, and Niles nervously waves and says "Hi" to them as they go by. He whistles at Eddie again, who lowers his leg. He gives him another treat, retrieves the ladder again, and again places it next to the pole. He climbs the ladder and places his hands on top of the "Daphne Lane" sign. Nervously, he begins to use the wrench to undo the bolts attaching the sign to the pole. As he does so, he loses his balance. Struggling to regain it, he inadvertently kicks the ladder away, so that it is no longer under his feet. He is left hanging from the sign. Eddie barks repeatedly. Niles is then literally "caught in the headlights" as we hear a car pull up. The sound of a siren reveals the nature of the car. He stares mortified into the lights, still hanging from the sign. Eddie continues to bark. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 7 - The lobby of the office building where Martin works as a security guard. A woman in uniform is seated behind the desk, reading a book. Martin enters from the elevator. Martin: Well, hi, Peg! Geez, I didn't know you were working the graveyard tonight. Peg: All this month. What brings you here? Martin: Actually, I was in the neighborhood, and I wanted to make sure they'd fixed that elevator camera. But see, I thought Rich was on tonight, which explains why I didn't know you'd be here. [He grins nervously.] Peg: Right. Well, it's... fixed. Martin: Well, that's good. There is an awkward pause. Martin remains standing at the desk while Peg goes back to her book. Martin: Somebody broke it. Peg glances briefly at him, then back to her book. Martin: Okay, then. Peg: See ya later. Martin: See ya. He heads back to the elevator. Rethinking, he turns back around. Martin: Hey, how come I never heard from you? Peg: [flustered] Oh, geez! Martin: Well, I was under the impression we had some chemistry going. I think I deserved at least a phone call. Peg: Hey, we made out a little. Let's not ruin it by making it more than it was. Martin: Just what I was thinking. Peg: Good. Then it won't be awkward or anything if we pull the same shift, right? Martin: [with feigned indifference] What are you talking about? Don't worry about me. Watch yourself. He laughs weakly. She joins in the laughter. Peg: Okay. No worries. [They shake hands.] So I'll see you around then. Martin: Yeah, see ya. Peg: Hey! You going to Jerry's retirement party? Martin: I might drop in for a pop or two. Peg: Yeah, same. Maybe I'll see you there. Martin: Yeah. Maybe you will. Martin takes this as an affirmation, which boosts his confidence. He resumes the "Full Marty" demeanor as he struts to the elevator. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 8 - Radio Station. Frasier's appearance on "Teen Scene" continued. Things have obviously degenerated even further. Frasier: Again, I freely admit that I assisted my ex-wife in psychological experiments on lab animals. However, at that time, putting a pair of sunglasses on a monkey did not constitute cruelty! His gestures and expressions during this speech indicate that his level of exasperation has increased considerably. Emily: [smugly, confrontational] We'll just agree to disagree. Frasier: You know I scarcely see how this line of questioning about my personal life can benefit your listeners! Emily: Well, Dr. Crane. Every day you ask your listeners to blindly trust you. Isn't the public entitled to know a little bit more about that "friendly voice" that seems to know all the answers? Frasier: Oh... I understand. This isn't about me at all. You see, Your combative line of questioning is completely age- appropriate. The challenging of authority, the zeal for truth... Ryan: Speaking of truth, I have a few questions about your last tax return... [of which he has a copy, rifling through it] Andy: I hate to interrupt, panel, but it's time for our regular news break. We'll be back with more Teen Scene fun after this. They remove their headphones. Frasier is shell-shocked. Kirby sticks His head in the door. Kirby: Dr. Crane, can I borrow you for a second? Frasier moves quickly to escape. Emily: [with the old grin] You're doing great! Frasier glares murderously at her as he exits the studio. He joins Kirby in the hall. Kirby: Dude, you're in trouble here. Frasier: Thanks for the update! Kirby: Take it easy, Mr. Snappy. I'm here to help you. Kirby shows him a notebook. CUT BACK to the studio: Trent: Can you believe that Kirby guy works here? Emily: I can't believe they finally graduated him. Andy: Now, remember, guys, you're still goodwill ambassadors... Emily: [cutting him off disdainfully] We weren't talking to you. Andy: [giving up, taking another drag] Oh-kay. Frasier re-enters, looking much happier. He is carrying Kirby's notebook. Trent: Everything okay, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Absolutely. I didn't fully appreciate the hard-hitting nature or your journalism, but I... I think I know how to handle it now. Andy: We're back with more Teen Scene and our special guest, Dr. Frasier Crane. They place their headphones back on. Trent: Now, Dr. Crane, where were we? Frasier: I believe we were discussing my competence as a mental health professional. And though it is true that I have suffered several emotional setbacks in my life, if we are to be honest... haven't we all? Trent: And that's your defense... that we all have problems. All three chuckle disdainfully. Frasier flips to a page of the notepad. Frasier: Perhaps I can better illustrate my point by reading from a Poem entitled, "An Onion for Trisha." Trent: [taken aback] Where did you get that? Frasier: [reading] "My heart is like an onion, filled with layers of tears. Why, oh, why did you leave me, Trisha?" Trent: Okay, give me that. He reaches, but Frasier successfully pulls it away from his grasp. Emily: [clearly upset] Trisha Sharpe? You said you never liked her! Frasier: [gleefully] Ooh, Trent, tough blow! Yes, it seems that youthful relationships are fraught with emotional hazards. Especially in the case of a - [flips to another page] a young woman who finds her first love at Math Camp. He sneers maliciously at Emily. Trent rounds on her. Trent: What happened at Math Camp?! Emily: [highly distressed] I don't want to talk about it! Ryan: [trying to save the situation] Uh, Dr. Crane! Frasier: Yes, Ryan. [leafing through the notebook] Or as the boys on the swim team call you... Ryan: [cutting in desperately] So, do you have any good advice for kids that want to go to college? Frasier smiles with deep satisfaction and closes the notebook. Frasier: As a matter of fact, I believe I do. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 9 - Time fade to the end of the show. Frasier has taken over the show. His three interrogators are slumped on their stools, looking depressed and defeated. Frasier: In short, caller, there is nothing wrong with you, and you're not going to get sick. But remember, the more frequently you do it, the less special it becomes. The "panel" appears deeply disturbed by the subject matter. Frasier: I hope that answers your question. Mike: [v.o.] Uh, yeah. Well, uh, thanks a lot. Andy: Well, that about wraps it up for tonight's Teen Scene. For Trent, Ryan, and Emily, this is Andy McNiff - reminding you we're still taking applications for the moderator's job - and wishing you a teen-tastic week. Good night! They go off the air. The three teens quickly grab their notes and head for the door. Frasier: Thanks, kids, I had fun! Trent: [icily] Yeah, thanks. They leave, slamming the door. Andy rises, grabbing his pack of smokes. Andy: Thank you. You made my month. Frasier chuckles and shakes Andy's hand heartily. Frasier exits the studio, where Kirby is waiting in the hall. Kirby: Way to go, Dr. Crane, that was sweet! They slap hands and join in a typical post-high five handshake. Frasier: I'm not exactly proud of myself, Kirby. Kirby: Oh, you should be, man, those dinks brought it on themselves. They were, like, "We're gonna get this old dude!" and then you were, like, "Old dude! Say what?" and then they were like "Wham bam!... [he descends into gibberish imitations of their arguing.] It was awesome. Frasier: Well said, Kirby. And thank you for helping me out. By the way, how did you dig up all that stuff? Kirby: Uh, let's just say I've got a few operatives who were, uh, Held back. Frasier: Ah. They begin to walk down the hall. Kirby: Hey, you know, why don't you and I continue this conversation over a... a cheeseburger or some such. Frasier: I'd like that very much. They put their arms around each other as they walk down the hall. And we: [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Niles and Daphne are seated on the couch in Frasier's apartment. Daphne is opening a gift box. Niles, still clothed in the black getup from his criminal escapade and still with Eddie in tow, looks nervous as she looks at the gift. When she sees what it is, she gets a loving expression on her face and mouths "Oh..." She pulls a framed picture out of the box, and looks delighted as she continues to look at it. We see only the back of the frame. She stands the picture up on the coffee table. Niles is pleased that she likes it. She kisses him on the cheek and they embrace, with Eddie between them. The camera then pans to reveal the picture. It is the set of Niles's mug shots, one profile and one frontal, complete with the name plate.

Kenny announces to Frasier and Roz that some recent research into KACL listeners shows that Frasier's average listener is an older gentleman who keeps the radio on for company. He suggests Frasier reach out to the youth, by appearing on Teen Scene ; Frasier, who appeared once before on that show, refuses initially, but when approached for an autograph by a young woman working for a hospice, he reluctantly consents. The representative of the Teen Scene panel whom he meets first, Emily, seems very intelligent and pleasant. Things change drastically when the show starts, and the panel asks Frasier numerous probing questions about his personal life. Fortunately, Kirby Gardner, who went to the same school as the panel members, is on hand to help out by providing Frasier with embarrassing information about the trio. The next day, Frasier enacts his revenge against Teen Scene , embarrassing all three of them. Meanwhile, Niles decides to steal a street sign with Daphne's name on it as a romantic gesture. Daphne discovers that Martin kissed a woman named Peg at a work party, and although he insists that it was nothing special, he spends a few days waiting by the telephone in case she calls.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x21

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x21_0

SCENE: The Land Without Magic in the nineteenth-century. Past. Baelfire has just come out of the portal and takes a look at his new surroundings-London, England. [SCENE_BREAK] Baelfire: What is this place? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Nineteenth-century London. Past. Six months have passed. Baelfire is now living on the streets, cold and hungry, when he eyes an open window to a wealthy family's house. The scene then shifts to Baelfire in the house, where he notices several loaves of bread and begins to eat when an enormous dog barks from under the table and a girl enters. [SCENE_BREAK] Girl: Stop! (Picks up a heavy object) Right. Who are you? What do you want? Baelfire: Please, I don't mean any harm. I was just... (Drops a loaf of bread) Girl: Oh. You're hungry. (She hands him the tray of bread.) Here. Take as much as you like. Baelfire: Reallly? Girl: (Laughs) Well, I'm not about to let you starve to death. What's your name? Baelfire: Bae. Girl: Bae? How unusual. I'm Wendy. Wendy Darling. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In one of the bed and breakfast rooms at six A.M., Neal is in bed when he is woken up by Tamara, who is getting ready to go for a run. [SCENE_BREAK] Neal: How about you sleep in just this once? Tamara: Marathon's in 3 weeks. I have to train. Neal: Come back to bed. I'll give you a workout. Tamara: I'll see you later. (She kisses him good-bye and runs off.) Neal: Okay. Bye. (He attempts to go back to sleep when he overhears his father outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Outside the Rabbit Hole, Mr. Gold is holding Dr. Whale under his foot while Lacey looks on. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Wait, wait, wait. No. If you don't kiss it, you are gonna taste it anyway. Dr. Whale: Come on, Gold. I didn't do anything. Mr. Gold: You stared at her, and I know how you think. So kiss... my... boot. (Neal appears and pulls Mr. Gold away.) Neal: What the hell are you doing? Mr. Gold: Stand aside. This doesn't concern you. Neal: No, go! (Dr. Whale exits.) Mr. Gold: Let go of me, sir! Neal: I'm surprised you didn't turn him into a snail? Lacey: A snail? What are you talking about? Mr. Gold: Lacey, why don't you go and wait for me in the shop? I'll be along shortly. (He hands her the keys and she walks away.) Neal: You're unreal, you know that? You spend years looking for me. I come to town. You disappear. You haven't even bothered to meet Tamara. Mr. Gold: Why should I concern myself with her? Neal: I'm getting married! Mr. Gold: That's never gonna last. Not as long as you carry a torch for Emma. Neal: You know, you haven't changed one bit. For a second, I thought you might have. I started to think, maybe you were worth my time. I guess I was wrong. Mr. Gold: And yet, you're still here. Neal: For Henry. Not you. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay the hell away from both of us. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Inside Regina's office, David and Emma enter, carrying their guns to make sure that everything is clear. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: It's okay. She's not here. (Henry and Mary Margaret enter.) [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: When you find her, you're not gonna hurt her, right? Emma: No. We just want the beans she stole from us. Mary Margaret: I don't get it. Why would Regina leave her office unlocked? David: Especially when she's keeping the beans here. (They walk over to a small plant that the beans should be growing on.) Mary Margaret: Was keeping them here. They're gone. Emma: Something's not right. Regina would never leave evidence like this behind. David: Maybe she already used them to portal out of Storybrooke. Emma: Without Henry? I don't think so. Henry: What if something bad happened to her? Emma: Security system says the last time someone was in the office was around 6:00 this morning. (Presses a key to reveal the system was overridden) They used an override code to get in. David: Why would Regina need an override code on her own alarm? Emma: She wouldn't. Mary Margaret: You think someone else broke in and took the beans? Emma: Well, we haven't found Regina anywhere and haven't heard from her. Henry: So something bad did happen to her. Emma: We're gonna find her, Henry. I promise. Mary Margaret: There's only one person who could overpower Regina. David: Gold. Emma: He's too busy with his new/old girlfriend. No, this wasn't Gold. This was Tamara. Mary Margaret: Haven't you already gone down that road? Emma: Maybe not far enough. Mary Margaret: Or, maybe it's time for you to let it go. Emma: August was attacked the day Tamara came to town. I don't think that was a coincidence. David: What if you're wrong? If Regina's in trouble, we can't just drop everything else because of a hunch. Emma: Which is why we're not gonna drop everything else. Go to Gold. I'm sure he has some kind of magic that can help locate Regina. Mary Margaret: Where are you going? Emma: Back to Tamara's room. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Inside the building for the Storybrooke Cannery Co. Tamara enters and finds Greg waiting for her in front of a window into the next room over, through which we can see Regina strapped down to a table talking to Hook. [SCENE_BREAK] Greg: Did you get into her office? Tamara: Have I ever let you down? Look what I found. (Shows him a pod full of magic beans) Greg: Are these what I think they are? Tamara: Magic beans. Neal told me all about them. They open portals. Greg: I bet he told you a lot, huh? Tamara: Don't be jealous. As soon as we're done, this- (Points to her engagement ring) -is coming off. Greg: Yeah, well, you can have this one instead. (Hands her a small pouch containing a brown diamond.) Tamara: What the hell is that? Greg: I don't know. Regina had it on her. Tamara: We'll send it back with the rest of the data. I think the Home Office is gonna have a field day with everything we've collected so far. Greg: I still have one thing that I have to do. Tamara: Make it quick. We'll be getting our instructions soon. Greg: Oh, this isn't gonna take long. (Scene shifts as he enters the room with Regina and Hook, bringing with him a large electric device.) Regina: (To Hook) Whatever they're offering you, it's not worth it. Hook: Well, considering they're offering to have me kill Rumplestiltskin, I'd say it is. Regina: And you actually trust them? You don't even know who you're working for. Greg: Good morning, Regina. Regina: This part of your "mission"? Greg: (As he talks, he connects Regina to the machine.) No. This, this is personal. See, this is about my father. Regina: I already told you, he left town. Greg: Yet he never came to find his only son? (To Hook) Look, would you mind lending me a hand? And, (Chuckles) preferably your good one? Hook: Sorry, mate. Gonna have to say no. When you're interested in killing Rumplestiltskin and not torturing the Queen, find me. (He exits.) Greg: Well, I guess it's just me and you. (Begins to turn the machine on, switch by switch.) Regina: Is that supposed to frighten me? Greg: Well, it should. You see, this is how we deal with your kind. And yes, it's going to be unpleasant. Now, exactly how unpleasant-well, that depends on you. Now, where is my father? (The machine is now fully activated. We do not see Regina, nor what the machine is doing to her, but it is clear she is in pain.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Nineteenth-century London. Past. Inside the Darling house, Wendy carries some food into a nursery room. She goes over to a cupboard, knocks, revealing Baelfire inside, and hands the food to him. [SCENE_BREAK] Wendy: I brought as much as I could. Baelfire: And your parents don't suspect anything? Wendy: They're grown-ups. They can't see anything that's not right in front of them. Man: We can't, can we? (Wendy and Baelfire turn around, revealing Wendy's mother and father, Mary and George Darling.) Wendy: Please, Father. Let me explain. George: How long have you been hiding in my house? Wendy: Only a few weeks, Father. He was hungry on the streets. George: I was talking to him. Where's your family? Baelfire: My mother died. My father... He's dead too. Look, I'm sorry. I-I'll leave right away, sir. Mary: You're not going anywhere. The streets are no place for a boy. Baelfire: Please don't send me to the workhouse. Mary: We'll do nothing of the sort. You'll stay... right here. George: What? Mary: Welcome to our home. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Neal is still in his guest room at the bed and breakfast when Emma enters. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: I need to search your room for real this time. Neal: You wanna tell me what this is about, Sheriff? Emma: Where's your fianc e? Neal: She's on a run. What do you think she did this time? Emma: Regina's gone missing. (Begins looking in Neal's closet) Neal: And you think she... You're still on Tamara? You've gotta be kidding me. She came to town to support me, her fianc , she's not a kidnapper. Emma: Where'd she go running? Neal: The same place she goes every morning-the woods. Emma: How long has she been gone? Neal: Couple of hours. Does it matter? She's training for a marathon. Emma: (Finds sand on the closet floor.) If she runs in the woods, then why'd she track sand in here? Neal: Maybe she likes to run along the beach instead. What does that prove? Emma: That she lied to you. If she lied about this, you can bet that she's lied about other things too. Neal: Maybe she just likes to run on the beach. Emma: One way to find out. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Nineteenth-century London. Past. In the nursery at the the Darling family's house, Wendy is staring out the window while Baelfire and her younger brothers, John and Michael, lie asleep. [SCENE_BREAK] Wendy: Psst! Psst! Bae! Come to the window. (He slowly gets up, still half asleep, followed by John and Michael) Baelfire: What is it? John: The Shadow? Is it coming to tonight? Wendy: Oh, I hope so. Baelfire: The what? Wendy: A few weeks ago, right about the time you got here, this... shadow-it came to the window. Only it's not attached to a body. And it can do so many wonderful things, like change its shape and fly and travel between worlds. And do you know why? Because it has magic! Baelfire: (Alarmed) Whatever you do, promise me you'll never open that window again. Promise me you won't talk to that shadow. Wendy: Don't be silly! Baelfire: Magic is dangerous. It always comes with a price. John: You're just saying that 'cause you don't believe. Baelfire: No. I do believe. That's the point. I come from another land-a land where magic is everywhere. Wendy: Is that really true? Because that sounds wonderful. Baelfire: It isn't what you think. Magic is the reason I left. I lost everything because of it. Wendy: Your mother and father. Baelfire: Magic destroyed my family. I don't want it to do the same to yours. If the Shadow comes back, promise me you won't go anywhere near it. Wendy: All right, Bae. I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. At the pawnshop, Mr. Gold and Lacey are drinking together when David and Mary Margaret intrude. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Sorry to interrupt the party. Mr. Gold: Well, I certainly don't remember inviting you two. We're closed. Mary Margaret: Not to us. We need your help. Regina's missing and we think she may be in danger. Mr. Gold: Just the way I like her. Now if you'll excuse me- David: no, I don't think so. Whatever your feelings about Regina are, you still owe me a favor. Mr. Gold: (To Lacey) Lacey, if you could excuse us, I have some business to attend to. Lacey: Make it quick. (Exits) Mr. Gold: (While talking to David and Mary Margaret, he looks for something on his many drawers and cabinets.) I'm sure I can whip up something to find Regina, but tell me, why do the Charmings want to help the Evil Queen? Mary Margaret: Because I owe her, after what I did to Cora. Mr. Gold: Never underestimate the power of a guilty conscience. (Reveals a small bottle containing a clear liquid) Mary Margaret: What is that? Mr. Gold: This is one of Regina's tears. Mary Margaret: Why do you have one of Regina's tears? Mr. Gold: Because I do. This spell, however, requires two tears. Mary Margaret: You want one from me? Mr. Gold: Well, just think of a dark moment, dearie, something bleak and hopeless. I know you have a few. (Mary Margaret sheds a tear into the bottle.) Perfect. Now, when you drop this into your eye, your will be connected to Regina wherever she is. Whatever she sees, you'll see, whatever she feels, you'll feel. David: How long does the spell last? Mr. Gold: Long enough to lead you to her. And with that, I've fulfilled my end of the bargain. Good-bye. David: (Sarcastically) Always a pleasure. (He and Mary Margaret exit, and Lacey enters.) Lacey: So it's uh, (Clears throat) so it's true? I heard everything. You, uh, you really can do magic. Mr. Gold: I think you might want to pour yourself another drink. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. David and Mary Margaret have returned to the apartment. [SCENE_BREAK] David: (Holding the bottle from Mr. Gold) You don't have to do this, you know. You've been through enough already. Mary Margaret: That's exactly why I do have to do it. My heart is dark because of what I did to Regina. If I can help find her, if we can save her, maybe it'll help let some of the light back in. (David sighs and drops the contents of the bottle into his wife's eye. At first, she seems fine, but then she nearly collapses in pain. She then begins to feel what Regina is feeling-pain, unlike any other. She screams in agony.) David: MARY MARGARET! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Nineteenth-century London. Past. In the Darling family's nursery room, Mary has just said good night to the children, and they are all now fast asleep-except Wendy, who is staring out the open window. [SCENE_BREAK] Wendy: Bae! Look! It's him, the shadow! Baelfire: (Goes to the window, alarmed to see the Shadow has indeed arrived) No, No, Wendy, get away from there. Wendy: You don't have to be afraid. He doesn't want to hurt us. He's from another land-a land with magic, but it's... different from where you came from. (The Shadow gives his hand to Wendy, she accepts.) Baelfire: Wendy, please, don't listen to him. Wendy: It's called Neverland. And there are no grown-ups there, and children never grow old. And we can do anything we want, even fly! (Begins to leave into the sky with the Shadow, but Baelfire grabs her by her other hand to prevent it) Baelfire: It's a trick. Don't go with him. You don't need magic! You have a family right here. That's the only thing that matters! Wendy: This is what I've always dreamed of. You just don't believe. (Slips her hand out of Baelfire's and flies away into the night sky with the Shadow) Baelfire: Wendy! Wendy! (She disappears into the night with the Shadow.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Along a beach shoreline, Neal and Emma are searching for Tamara and Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Neal: (Jokingly) So, ah, where do you think she's hiding Regina, in a sandcastle? Emma: They have to be somewhere. Neal: Emma, you're letting your emotions getting in the way of your judgement. Emma: Do you really think this is all about me trying to break up you and Tamara? W-What do want to hear, Neal? That it killed me that you never came looking for me even once I was locked up? Neal: Emma. Emma: That it didn't hurt? That you found Tallahassee with someone else? (Just then, Tamara jogs up.) Tamara: Neal?! Neal: Hey! Tamara: Hey. What are you doing down here? Neal: We were, we're just-I thought you go running in the woods? Tamara: Yeah, I start in the woods but then I run along the beach. Is everything alright? Emma: Regina's missing. Tamara: Oh my god. That's terrible. Emma: I thought maybe she was down here but I was wrong. Tamara: Well, I'm sure she'll turn up somewhere. Let me know if I can help at all. See you later. (She gives Neal a kiss and continues running.) Neal: Emma... Emma: I think I should go. Neal: I wanted to go to jail for you. Emma: Neal. Neal: It kills me I let August talk me in letting you go. Emma: I don't want to hear it. Neal: Yeah, but I have to say it. I wanted to look for you. I just-I, I was to afraid. Emma: Of what? Neal: That you would never forgive me. 'Cause I never forgave myself. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I don't regret having left you. I'm sorry, Emma, for everything. Emma: Me too. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Inside the building for the Storybrooke Cannery Co., Tamara enters while Greg continues torturing Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Tamara: Everything's taken care of. Greg: They bought it? Tamara: As far as Emma and Neal are concerned, I'm just running along the beach. How are things going with (Sarcastically) the Queen? Greg: You know, she's not exactly cooperative. But that's all about to change, right, Regina? (He turns the machine on again, this time even more powerful and painful than before. She groans in excruciating agony until Greg turns it off, though she is still extremely weak.) Regina: You have no... idea who you're dealing with. Greg: Actually, no, you have no idea who you are dealing with. Regina: A couple of fools in over their heads who go around stealing magic. Tamara: Stealing magic. (Chuckles) That's what you think we're here to do? Greg: We're not here to steal magic. We're here to destroy it. Tamara: Magic does not belong in this world. It's unholy. We're here to cleanse this land of it. Regina: (Chuckles) You think you can destroy magic? Just the two of you? Greg: Well, who said there's only two of us? Oh, we're everywhere, Regina. See, after I left Storybrooke, as a boy, I was babbling about magic, about what I had seen, and what had happened to my father. Most folks, they wrote me off. But some didn't. And they found me. Regina: "They"? Greg: Believers. People that know that magic is real. Tamara: And that it doesn't belongs in this world, and are willing to do something about it. Regina: This little quest of yours, to cleanse the world of magic, it's not gonna work. Greg: No, of course it will. We've done it before, and we'll do it again. Do you think that Storybrooke was the first time that magic has crossed over? Tamara: Magic has been doing its damage for a long time. Greg: And people like us-we're here to stop it. (Turns the machine back on) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In the apartment, David is helping his wife recover from the literal shock of her shared experience with Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Mary Margaret? Are you okay? Mary Margaret: (In a weak whisper) It was awful. The worst pain I've ever felt. Wherever Regina is, she's powerless. She can't fight back. David: Could you-could you see where she was? Could you see who was keeping her there? Mary Margaret: I just remember... pain... and screaming. David: Concentrate. The smallest detail might lead us to her. Mary Margaret: I don't know. My hands were strapped down, and my legs... It was cold and... It smelled weird, like... sardines? I don't know. I wish I could remember more. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. At the docks, Emma is talking to David on the phone while she and Neal walk together. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: So she didn't see anything? David: Uh, not much. She could sense Regina was in pain. It was cold. She was strapped down. She said she could smell sardines. ((Suddenly, Emma eyes a building by the docks-Storybrooke Cannery, Co.) Emma: Get down to the docks right now. (To Neal) I was right. Tamara was not down here for a run. She was in there, with Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Nineteenth-century London. Past. It is early morning in the Darling house. Baelfire wakes up to the sound of someone landing on the windowsill where he fell asleep. He looks up to see Wendy has returned. [SCENE_BREAK] Wendy: It's all right. It's just me. Baelfire: I thought I'd never see you again. Wendy: How long was I gone? Baelfire: Just... the night. Wendy: It felt like so much longer. As though time works differently in Neverland. Baelfire: So... what was it like over there? Wendy: It's an island, where there are no grown-ups to tell you what to do, but there are mermaids and fairies and all sorts of mystical creatures. Baelfire: Then why did you return? Wendy: Because, when night fell, that's when all the children started to miss their parents, and cried through the night. Baelfire: Well, why don't they go home? Wendy: The Shadow won't let them. There's a reason it's called Neverland. Because once you set foot on its soil, the Shadow never let's you leave. Baelfire: H-how did you escape? Wendy: He let me go. Because he didn't want me. He wanted a boy. He's coming back tonight to take one of my brothers in my place. You said magic was bad, and you were right, Bae. It's going to destroy my family. Baelfire: No. I won't let anything bad happen to you or this family. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In the pawnshop, Mr. Gold is showing Lacey his potions and other magical items. [SCENE_BREAK] Lacey: So why didn't you tell me sooner? Mr. Gold: Because magic always comes with a price. Tends to drive away the people I care about most. Lacey: Well, then you've been caring about the wrong people. What else can you do? Mr. Gold: (Summons a diamond necklace out of thin air and puts it around Lacey's neck) Anything. There are many perks to being the Dark One. Lacey: Immortality being one of them, right? (He nods.) Could you, uh, could you keep me young? Mr. Gold: Yeah. Lacey: 'Cause, uh, 'cause then we can be together forever. Nothing can keep us apart. (He remains silent.) What? Mr. Gold: Well, there is one thing. Lacey: What is it? Mr. Gold: Immortal means to live forever, it doesn't mean one can't be killed. There was a prophecy that... someone might be my undoing. Lacey: Do you know who this someone is? (He nods.) Then get rid of them. Stop them. Mr. Gold: It's complicated. Something's standing in my way. Lacey: I thought you were a man who would never let anything stand in his way. Mr. Gold: I am. [SCENE_BREAK] (Steam hissing) You sure you wanna be here? I'm not gonna leave you alone in this place. If something does go down with Tamara, I need to know you've got my back. Emma, if Tamara is hiding Regina here in her evil lair by the docks, yeah, I got your back. (Clatter) (Gasps) (Clatter) (Cocks gun) (Panting) (Exhales) (Exhales) What the hell, guys? Here. So that doesn't happen again. You and Mary Margaret take the basement. We'll search the main floor. Regina's gotta be here somewhere. (Tamara) Time to go. (Tapping on window) They found us. Who, Emma and Neal? I thought that you took care of them. Yeah, so did I. We need to go. No, no. No, no, no. I... I need more time with her. Greg, if you get caught, this whole thing is blown. We wouldn't even know about this town if it wasn't for my dad. I'm not leaving until I find out where he is. Fine. Meet me at the rendezvous point when you're done. (Knobs click) (Breathing heavily) (Clicking, high-pitched whir) I'm moving up the timeline. Now I'm gonna give you one last chance. Tell me where my father is. Okay, time's up. Wait. Where is he? Dead. I killed him. The minute you ran away... No, you're... you're lying to me. Don't believe me? Go see for yourself. I buried his body at your campsite. I doubt he gets many visitors there. Now go ahead and kill me. I just wanted to see the look on your face when I... (Loud electrical crackling and humming) Aah! (Indistinct conversations) Good night, my treasures. (Whines) (Switch clicks, door closes) We have work to do. (Match strikes, flame whooshes) Okay. Don't worry. The shadow's not taking anyone tonight. (Sighs) (Whispers) Thank you, Bae. You can thank me in the morning. Okay, everyone to their beds. (Whooshing) Bae? Don't be frightened. (Barks) The shadow... he's here. (Window rattling, whoosh) (Barks) Get in the crawl space! Come on! Let's go! (Barking continues) (Gasps) Where's Michael? Michael? (Wendy) - Oh! (Whooshing) (Barks) Don't do it! Don't go with him! Michael. (Barking continues) Michael, step back. (Continues barking) You want him? Take me instead. Bae, no! But you have to promise never to bother this family again. No, Bae, you can't. I won't let magic destroy this family. This is the only way. You have to let me go. Thank you, Wendy, for making me part of your family. Aah! (Barks) Bae! (Whoosh) Bae! (Screaming) Uhh! Ohh! (Regina) Aah! (Electricity crackling, machine whirring) (Crackling and whirring stops) You feel that? Huh? That's the end of you. (Clank, electricity resumes crackling and humming) Uhh! That's scary, ain't it? (Moaning) (Whirring and crackling stops) Ohh. Now you're never gonna hurt anyone ever again. Don't move! (Equipment clatters) David! We can't leave her. She'll die if we don't get her help. (Clatter) We gotta get her to Mother Superior. (Static crackles) Emma? You gotta block the exits. Already on it. You guys all right? Oh, we're fine. We found Regina, with Mendell. He's coming your way. (Static crackles) Greg Mendell. So I was right. It wasn't Tamara. Uhh! Actually... it was. I just had some help. What are you doing, Tamara? I have to keep magic out of this world, Neal. It doesn't belong here. You more than anyone should understand that. It's a poison. You've been lying to me. How long have you been lying to me? This is more important than any... How long?! Since the beginning. Since I spilled coffee on you. It wasn't an accident. You planned it all. None of it was real. Neal, you're a good man. I know that. So please try to understand. I had a job to do... an important one, one I think you can agree with. You never loved me. No. I can't let you leave here, Tamara. Neal, please don't make me. (Gunshot, shell casing clatters) Ohh! (Panting) (Breathing unevenly) I'm sorry, Neal. You should be. Uhh! (Both grunting) Aah! Uhh! (Both continue grunting) (Panting) It's over. No. It's not. (Gasps) (Whooshing) Aah! (Whooshing continues) Aah! Bye. (Emma crying) Aah! Emma! Aah! Aah! I got you. We gotta get you to a hospital. (Wood cracks) Aah! Neal! Emma! You can't hold both of us! I'm not letting go of you. Uhh! You have to. No, you're shot! If you fall through that portal, you'll die no matter what world you land in! No, but, Emma, Henry needs you. He can't lose both of us. Don't make him grow up like we did. (Crying) Then don't let go. I need you. I love you. I love you, too. (Crying) (Whooshing) No! (Crying) (Grunting) (Clank) (Shovel thuds) No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Dad. (Tinkling) Now that the cuff is off, she's gonna be okay, given time and rest. (Door opens) Her magic will return. What happened? What is it? Where's Neal? He's gone. She killed him. (Wind whistling) (Distorted voices) Neverland? (Children crying) No! No, you're not taking me there! (Grunts) (Panting) (Match strikes) (Howls) (Gasps) Aah! (Whooshing) (Clank, bell clangs) (Man shouts indistinctly) (Creaking) (Grunts) (Spits and coughs) Good, lad. Get the sea out of your lungs. Who are you? The name's Hook. Captain Hook. Welcome aboard the "Jolly Roger," my boy. Emma. I'm so sorry. How... am I gonna tell Henry? (Moans) You... you saved me? Yes. You really think we'd let you die? Despite our differences, we're family. Where are they? Where are Greg and Tamara? (Inhales deeply) They got away. (Exhales) So they still have it. Still have what? Sorry about your father. Me, too. Do the folks back at the home office know anything about it? Yeah. They did. And you're never gonna believe what it does. A trigger? That will destroy Storybrooke. No. I had a fail-safe built into the curse. Then why exactly were you carrying it around? She was gonna destroy us, Mary Margaret. I was going to use the beans to take Henry back to the Enchanted Forest. And in the process, kill all of us. You wanna discuss justification? You were going to abandon me. Or shall we discuss the more pressing issue? Which is that I no longer control the trigger. What are we supposed to do with it? They want us to move to the next phase. Already? Yeah. There's only one way to get what we all want. We have to blow Storybrooke off the map.

Emma, Mary Margaret and David go in search of Regina when they discover that she - along with some magic beans - have gone missing. But against Neal's protests, Emma still believes that Tamara had something to do with Regina's disappearance; and Mr. Gold contemplates telling Lacey the truth about his ability to conjure magic. Meanwhile, after Rumplestiltskin abandons his son and lets him travel alone through a portal, young Bae finds himself back in 19th century London and is taken in by the Darling family -- befriending their daughter Wendy.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x12

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x12_0

[INT. VARIOUS DANCE CLUB - NIGHT] (People in a dance club party, the music blaring.) (Two girls and a guy hurry into one of the rooms.) (In one of the darkened private rooms, a man and a woman are in bed.) [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT] (Bianca Desmond enters the bedroom. Chelsea Wannamaker is in bed sleeping. Bianca climbs into bed with Chelsea and lies down, staring at her. She brushes the hair from her face, waking her.) Chelsea Wannamaker: Hey, lady. Hey. Bianca Desmond: I can't sleep. Chelsea Wannamaker: You want to try to eat something? Bianca Desmond: Yeah. Chelsea Wannamaker: All right. I'll go get Ahren. You get dressed. (Chelsea climbs out of bed. She picks up her robe and puts it on.) Chelsea Wannamaker: Ahren? (She heads out of the bedroom.) [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - STAIRS / GARAGE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Chelsea goes down the stairs.) Chelsea Wannamaker: Ahren? (She walks through the house looking for Ahren.) Chelsea Wannamaker: Ahren? (She heads for the garage. She opens the garage door and gasps.) Chelsea Wannamaker: Ahren... (She finds Ahren dead in the center of the floor in a large pool of blood. She goes down the garage steps.) Chelsea Wannamaker: (gasps) Ahren ... Ahren ... FLASH TO: [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - GARAGE - NIGHT] (David Phillips is in the garage with the body. Brass stands near the tape just outside the open garage door. He holds up the tape as Grissom and Warrick both duck into the garage.) Brass: Okay, Ahren Green, 29 years old, lives here with Bianca Desmond, that's the brunette. The blonde is Chelsea Wannamaker. She was just spending the night. One was asleep, one was in the bathroom. They said Ahren was probably working on his bike. (Warrick snaps photos of the body - the blood on his hands, the blood near his groin, the body's face.) (David checks the body's pupils.) David Phillips: His pupils are dilated. Lividity is consistent with body position. Looks like he bled out from a stab wound to his upper leg or pelvic area. Grissom: Well, in my experience, I found that most threesomes end up being one too many. So, David, uh ... check and make sure that they didn't pull a Lorena Bobbitt. (David glances at Grissom.) Grissom: Take a look. (David pulls the pants waist up and sticks his hand inside to check.) David Phillips: No, we're good. My man's all there. We're ... good. Warrick: Something must be wrong with his gear. He could be partying with two hot chicks inside, but he's out here working on his bike at 4:00 in the morning? Grissom: Maybe he wasn't invited. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - FRONT - NIGHT] [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] Sara: Hold out your hands, please? (Sara shines the ALS on Bianca's hands while Brass watches. There are splotches all over the back of her hands.) Sara: And the other side. (Bianca flips her hands over to show the splotches on the palms as well. Sara removes her goggles.) Sara: What were you doing right before Ahren was killed? Bianca Desmond: Cleaning. Sara: With what? Bianca Desmond: Bleach. It's the only thing that works. Sara: Okay. Brass: You know, you could put some clothes on if you want, if you're cold. Bianca Desmond: She won't let me back in my room. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - GARAGE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Warrick snaps photos of the tools on the work area.) (Grissom examines the scratches on the concrete floor.) (Warrick continues to snap photos of the tools.) (Grissom takes a tape lift of the particles in the gouges.) (Camera zooms in to show the particles lifting off the concrete and sticking onto the tape.) (Grissom presses the tape lift closed.) Warrick: Man, I give this guy an "A" for organization. He's got a spot for everything. Why is that helmet over there? (He points to the helmet on the floor.) Grissom: Maybe he threw it, defending himself. (Quick flash to: The attacker flips open a knife and fights with Ahren Green. The attacker stabs Ahren in the upper leg. End of flash.) Warrick: Yeah, but he looked like he was in pretty good shape. It'd be kind of hard for one of those women to wrestle him down. Grissom: Not if she walks softly and carried a big knife. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass questions Bianca Desmond: Brass: How long have you known Ahren? Bianca Desmond: Six months. Brass: Did, uh, did he have any enemies that you know of? Bianca Desmond: No, I mean ... I don't know. Brass: You don't know ... I mean, you two lived together right? Bianca Desmond: Yeah, but we were still getting to know each other. Brass: I see. Bianca Desmond: We met one night at Light. He was in town for a motocross race. It was love at first sight. I asked him to come back here, and he never left. We actually just decided tonight to move to Colorado together. Brass: What, just pick up and leave all this? Bianca Desmond: My father has a cabin where we could stay. Brass: Did Ahren have a job? Bianca Desmond: Yeah. Motocross racing. Brass: Right. You said that. Bianca Desmond: He's a professional athlete. Brass: And you, what about you? What do you do? Bianca Desmond: I'm in fashion. Brass: Mm-hm. What's the matter? Bianca Desmond: I have the worst luck with men. Brass: What do you mean? Bianca Desmond: They're either jerks or they leave me, or they get killed. What's wrong with me? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. GARAGE -- NIGHT] (Nick and Catherine exit their vehicle. They meet up with Sofia Curtis and head over to the dead body in the garage.) Nick: What do you got? Sofia Curtis: Well, I wasn't sure if I should call it in as a 419 or a 401a. Catherine: Hit and run? Sofia Curtis: You tell me. (They walk over to the car that's smashed up against the concrete garage wall. The victim is pinned up against the car and the wall.) Nick: Mm, I don't know. When you run, you usually take the car. Sofia Curtis: The vic's Sylvia Mullins. Works in one of the offices upstairs. The security guard found her. Catherine: Did you run the plates? Sofia Curtis: That's why I went with the 419. RO's the vic. (Sofia walks away to leave the scene to them. Nick sighs.) Nick: Hit with her own car in her own spot. (Sofia talks with the guard.) Guard: Ms. Mullins must have been working all night. You know, tax season. Sofia Curtis: She's an accountant? Guard: Has her own firm up on 11. Sofia Curtis: Did you see anything on your monitors? (He turns and looks at the security video.) Guard: Uh, no. But I heard the crash. I sort of fell asleep. Sofia Curtis: We're going to need to see your tapes. (He nods.) (Catherine and Nick examine the car and the items around the victim.) Catherine: Cell phone, a shoe and a briefcase. Probably lost them all on impact. Nick: Looks like she saw the car coming. Impact's pretty evenly distributed. The car hit her straight on. Catherine: Most cars have to be going at least 14 miles an hour to trigger the airbag. (Catherine opens the car door and looks inside. She notices the ignition missing.) Catherine: Well, I can't be sure, but it looks like somebody popped the ignition. (Quick flash to: The carjacker uses a screwdriver and pops the ignition. End of flash.) Catherine: Carjacking gone bad? Vic gets off the elevator, walks to her spot ... (Quick flash to: Sylvia Mullins walks out into the garage and automatically heads to her parking space. She's on the phone and doesn't notice the car missing till she's standing in the parking space.) Catherine: (V.O.) ...on the phone, distracted, catches the guy stealing her ride ... (She turns around. The car starts and heads straight for her.) Sylvia Mullins: No! (The car hits her in the abdomen and pins her to the wall. The carjacker runs.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: He runs her over and splits. Nick: Pedal to the metal. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - BATHROOM - NIGHT] (Greg is in the bathroom using the ALS on the walls. There are splotches everywhere. Sara walks in.) Sara: Hey. Greg: ALS is lighting up everywhere. Sara: Evidently she bleaches everything. So there could be some false positives. Greg: Yeah, including her teeth. Check out the cabinet. (Sara opens the cabinet and looks inside.) Sara: Lots of teeth whitener and acne cream. (She turns to look at Greg.) Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Greg: Speed freak. Sara: Definitely. Greg: Maybe she killed Ahren in the garage, then came up here to take a Silkwood shower. (Quick flash to: Bianca is in the shower washing the blood down the drain. End of flash.) Sara: Okay, but she's claiming she loved him. What's her motive? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Brass talks with Chelsea Wannamaker.) Chelsea Wannamaker: Uh, we started out at Light and then we went to Road Runner, and from there we were at Double Down, and then Copper K, and then we ended up at Drai's. Brass: Drai's, that's a good place to end. So what are you on besides meth? Chelsea Wannamaker: Not meth. Glass. Brass: Uh-huh. Chelsea Wannamaker: We did some coke at the club, had a couple of drinks. There was this guy that gave us these, uh, these blue pills, but I had to come home and lie down. Brass: Ecstasy. Chelsea Wannamaker: We only do this when we're, when we're clubbing. I mean, it's just a hobby, it's not a habit. We have it under control. Brass: Well, the dead guy from the garage might beg to differ. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - DAY] (Sara and Gregg ALS the sheets. There are splotches on the sheets.) Sara: Eww, busy. Greg: If Bianca killed him, and then came up here to take a shower, wouldn't she have left a trail? Sara: Maybe. (Greg ALS's the carpet. He finds something.) Greg: It appears she missed a spot. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - GARAGE - DAY] (Warrick moves the evidence bags to the counter. He finds some sticky liquid on the ground next to a stack of soft drinks. The cardboard containers are soaked. He looks it over and finds a can with a bullet hold in it.) (He looks out of the garage and visualizes the shooter.) (CGI EFX: The shooter stands just outside the garage. He raises his gun and fires. The bullet hits the soft drink can. End of CGI EFX.) (Warrick shakes the can and hears something metal inside. He pops the can open and drains out the liquid into a red plastic bucket. The bullet falls out. He picks up the bullet and looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (David Phillips is washing the dead body. The phone rings.) David Phillips: (to phone) Las Vegas Coroner's office. INTERCUT WITH: (Warrick is at the garage.) Warrick: David, it's Warrick. Have you washed the body yet? David Phillips: I just got started, but I can be done by the time you get here. Warrick: No, stop. I uh, just found a bullet. I have no idea who fired it. Do me a favor: Test his hands for GSR and run it through the fluoroscope. David Phillips: No problem. Warrick: Thanks. (Warrick hangs up. Grissom ducks under the crime scene tape and enter the garage. Warrick holds the bullet up for him to see.) Warrick: Who brings a gun to a knife fight? Grissom: The winner? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Nick and Catherine walk through the hallway.) Nick: The killer knew how to steal a car. Catherine: No prints? Nick: No. No, it's wiped clean. (They walk into the A/V Lab.) [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Catherine: Hey, Arch. You get anything off the parking garage camera? Archie: Um, sort of. (He shows the video.) Nick: What's up with the focus? Archie: That's what I was wondering, too. Check out what happened about an hour earlier. (He goes an hour back and shows that someone reaches up and changes the focus on the camera.) Archie: It's an old security cam. Adjustable focus ring. Catherine: Killer was camera shy. Nick: For good reason. Catherine: This wasn't a carjacking gone bad. It was premeditated. Nick: If he touched the camera, maybe I can get some prints off it. Catherine: Keep working the video, Arch. See if you can get us a face. Archie: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins reports his findings to Grissom. Behind him, David Phillips works on something.) Robbins: Fluoroscope detected no bullets. But there are peri-mortem bruises on his wrists and forearms, look like defensive wounds. Grissom: COD? Robbins: The weapon went pretty deep. Punctured the femoral artery. I'd say he bled out in a matter of minutes, if his dilated pupils are an indication of amphetamines in his system. The faster the heart rate, the faster the blood pumps. Now, for the details. The fatal blow. Weapon appears to have a triangular shape. Angle of entry was upwards. Grissom: Like a cornada. Robbins: I'm sorry. Grissom: A cornada-occupational hazard for matadors during a bullfight. The bull rears up and gores them. David Phillips: (absently interrupts the conversation) So just find a bull with a bloody horn, and you've got your killer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Bobby Dawson walks through the hallway as he reports his findings to Warrick.) Bobby Dawson: So your "soda-can killer" was a copper-washed .22. Now I could only get general rifling characteristics -- six lands and grooves with a right-hand twist, um, but ... Warrick: But not enough individual characteristics to run it through IBIS. Bobby Dawson: Exactly. Sorry, man. Warrick: That's all right. (Bobby Dawson turns and leaves. Warrick continues on through to the Trace Lab.) [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Hodges turns around.) Warrick: Hodges. Hodges: Your victim did not have GSR on his hands. Warrick: Okay, what about metallic trace from the garage floor? Hodges: Thank you, Hodges, for performing that incredibly elaborate test requiring copious concentration and an advanced degree. Warrick: So you don't have any results from the metallic trace on the garage floor? Hodges: But I will. That's the beauty of me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Nick goes through the contents in Sylvia Mullins' bag. He takes out a tape recorder, camera and other items.) (He turns the tape recorder on.) Sylvia Mullins: (from tape) Well, Mr. Miller, what I would recommend is adding some tax-deferred investments to your portfolio. Like a Roth IRA. That'd be perfect for you. Mr. Miller: (from tape) I never got what that Roth stood for. (Nick turns the tape recorder off.) (He opens Sylvia Mullins' planner and finds an entry for Kelly Gordon and Walter Gordon. Surprised by the find, Nick checks the tape recorder again.) (He fast forwards the tape.) Sylvia Mullins: (from tape) Hey, Kelly. Have a seat. Kelly Gordon: (from tape) Thanks for seeing me. I know you said we didn't have to do this in person. Sylvia Mullins: (from tape) No, I'm really glad you came. Kelly, your father loved you very much. Kelly Gordon: (from tape) A little too much. I just wanted to talk about his estate. Is what he did going to affect it? Sylvia Mullins: (from tape) Well, it's kind of complicated. (He shuts the tape off, then picks up the cell phone to make a call.) Parole Officer (man): District four, Parole and Probation. Nick: (to phone) Yeah, this is Nick Stokes with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. We're trying to reach Kelly Gordon's parole officer. Parole Officer (man): (from phone) That's me. Nick: (to phone) Great. I need Kelly's contact information. Parole Officer (man): (from phone) Sure, but I gave her permission to go out of town. Her bus left a couple hours ago. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY] (Greg walks into the DNA Lab.) Wendy Simms: Oh, hey, I'm glad you're here. I got the results back from the blood on Bianca's bedroom floor. Greg: The dead guy? Wendy Simms: Uh, no. It's a male, but it's not a match to Ahren Green. Then I ran it through CODIS and I actually got a hit. Justin Cole. He's in the system for statutory rape a couple years back. Among other things. (The monitor shows him in for: STATUTE: NRS 453.3385 ARREST: DRUG POSSESSION (METHAMPHETAMINE) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass and Greg interview Justin Cole.) Justin Cole: So, why am I here? Brass: What, you getting homesick for the train tracks behind Union Plaza already? Bianca Desmond. Justin Cole: Girl's like an oven in there. Used to love it in there. Brass: How long ago was that? Justin Cole: A few months. Greg: Did you stop by recently to check out the competition? Justin Cole: No. We lost touch. Brass: So it wouldn't bother you to know Bianca's moved on, and she's living with another guy. Justin Cole: It was good while it lasted. Greg: We found your blood in her bedroom. And her dead boyfriend in the garage. (Justin chuckles.) Brass: That's funny? Justin Cole: Nah. Just ... Bianca's all fun and games until someone shoots you in the leg. Brass: When was that? Justin Cole: Six months ago. (Quick flashback to: [DESMOND RESIDENCE - DAY] Justin Cole walks in. He checks the answering machine.) Bianca Desmond: (answering machine) Hey, sweetie, I went shopping with my mom. (He sees the small plastic container.) I'll be home late. There's some candy for you on the table. See you then, lover. (He snorts some coke from the container.) (He walks into the bedroom while taking his shirt off. He's shot in the leg.) (Someone with a gun walks up to him and holds a gun on him.) Man (voice): Stay away from Bianca. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Justin Cole: So I packed my stuff and left. Brass: Did you report it? Justin Cole: Nah. Still on probation for that "she-looked-18" incident. Greg: This the guy who shot you? Justin Cole: (shakes his head) Didn't really get a good look. I was too busy bleeding. Brass: You go to the hospital? Justin Cole: Sort of had my own anesthesia thing going on. Greg: So whatever happened to the bullet? (He stands up and rolls up his pants leg to show them the scar.) (Quick CGI EFX: Inside the leg, the bullet is still there covered with tissue. A forceps reaches in and removes the bullet.) (End of CGI EFX. Resume to present.) [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY] (Bobby takes the bullet from the bindle and looks at it.) Bobby Dawson: Yeah, see, human tissue sticks pretty darn good. And I can't scalpel it off, because I might damage the bullet's characteristics. So, uh ... (Bobby puts the bullet in a pan.) Greg: So I guess we wait. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Warrick has all the tools from the garage in the lab, tagged and spread out on the table. He talks with Grissom.) Warrick: Half of these tools don't match the size and the shape of the wound. And the ones that do don't have blood on them. Grissom: The killer could have wiped it off. Warrick: I don't see why the killer would have used a tool anyway, when he had a gun. Grissom: Maybe Ahern disarmed him and he grabbed whatever was handy. (Quick flashback to: The two men fight in the garage. End of flashback.) (Warrick shows Grissom a photo of the tool board from the garage.) Warrick: Take a look at this. This guy was tweaker organized. There's a place for everything. Except for this. (Warrick picks up a red screwdriver.) Warrick: It's got no space in the pegboard and it doesn't match any of the sets. Grissom: How about that? (Warrick looks at the handle under the magnifying glass.) Grissom: Got anything else? Warrick: Nope. Grissom: Print it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (Mandy runs the print from the screwdriver through the database. She finds a match to a TOM HARPER.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD -- DAY] (Tom Harper has the NEVADA CONNECT VAN parked on the side of the road. Brass exits his car and walks over to him.) Brass: Hey, Tom Harper? Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police. May I ask you a couple questions? Do you know a Bianca Desmond? Tom Harper: Sounds familiar. Brass: You know she's at 1330 Wildflower Lane. Tom Harper: Oh, yeah, right. Her. I installed some DSL lines there a few days ago. She answered the door in her panties. Brass: So you've got that hard hat/tool belt thing working for you, huh? Tom Harper: I wish. Kind of girl that makes you happy to be a man, know what I'm saying? Brass: Yeah, I kind of remember. Anyway, we found a tool with your prints on it in a garage, next to a dead guy. Tom Harper: Whoa. I-I lost an awl at a job recently. It must have been there. Brass: Well, we're going to need to confirm that. Could you get me a work order? Tom Harper: Yeah, sure. Um, I'll pull one from the office. I'll run it right over. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - EVENING] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Nick talks with Kelly Gordon.) Nick: Kelly, where you going in such a hurry? Kelly Gordon: I have relatives in Provo. I was going to visit them. I cleared it with my PO. You gonna tell me why a state trooper pulled over my bus and yanked me off? Nick: You know a lady named Sylvia Mullins? Kelly Gordon: Yeah. Nick: Did you have a meeting with her yesterday? Kelly Gordon: Yeah. So ... ? Nick: So why did you have a meeting with her? Kelly Gordon: Sylvia's handling my dad's estate. Nick: Hmm. Kelly Gordon: She's the trustee. What's going on here? Nick: Ms. Mullins was found in her parking garage ... crushed by her own car. Kelly Gordon: And you think I have something to do with it. Nick: When you worked in the prison garage, did you just learn how to fix cars or did you learn how to steal them? Kelly Gordon: Are you kidding me? Nick: Does it look like I'm kidding you? You waited for her to get out of work so you could let her know how you felt about her. (Quick flashback to: [GARAGE - NIGHT] Kelly is behind the steering wheel. She sees Sylvia Mullins in the parking stall. She starts the engine and guns the car toward her.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Kelly Gordon: Sylvia was my dad's friend. She was helping me get back on my feet. How I felt was grateful. CSI puts me in jail for something I didn't do. Do you really think I'm going to kill somebody the minute I get out? Nick: Hold out your hands. (He picks up a swab.) Nick: Hold out your hands. Ms. Mullins' air bag deployed on impact. Air bag dust gets everywhere. (Quick flash of: [AIRBAG] The air bag opens. End of flash.) Nick: It's really hard to get rid of. Kelly Gordon: Not if it isn't there. (She holds out both her hands. On her left palm is a tattoo. Nick swabs under her fingernails.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Sara, Greg and Warrick gather in the lab.) Sara: So the soda can bullet and the leg bullet are from the same gun? Greg: Yeah. Bobby was able to pull more stria off the leg bullet, but still no IBIS hits. So what about the phone guy, huh? The utility man's always a shade-ball. (Hodges and Wendy Simms walk in.) Hodges: As much as I love your generalizations, actually, this time you're wrong. The metallic scrapes on the garage floor were titanium. The phone guy's tool was carbon steel. Warrick: Remember we thought that they might be dealing meth? Brass went ahead and subpoenaed the phone and bank records. Guess who's paying Bianca's mortgage? (Warrick pulls up the records.) Warrick: A Mr. Harry Desmond. Sara: Happy Harry? Gas n' Sip Harry Desmond? Wendy Simms: Who's your daddy? Greg: No wonder she didn't work. He owns fifty Gas n' Sips in Vegas. Warrick: Well, Harry was nice enough to leave us a voice message that was listened to and saved the night of the murder. (He finds the voice message and plays it.) Harry Desmond: (recording) Bianca, sweetie, it's Daddy. I got your message about moving to Colorado with Ahren. You can borrow the cabin, but we need to talk about this move. Call me, princess. I love you. (The message ends. Warrick shows Sara and Greg a picture of the cabin.) Warrick: And this is the Desmond cabin in Telluride. Sara: Oh, maybe Mr. Desmond is trying to protect the family fortune. Wendy Simms: Or the family jewels. I got the results back from all those s*x stains on the sheets. Three donors: Ahren, Bianca and Chelsea. Warrick: I guess they were having a little threesome. Wendy Simms: Yeah, I just really hope he was only doing one woman at a time. Chelsea is Bianca's mother. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Brass talks with 'Happy' Harry Desmond.) Brass: Look, I know what it's like to want to kill your daughter's boyfriend. Harry Desmond: I don't pick fights that I can't win. I kill this one, I got five more dipsticks waiting to take his place. I'd just be pushing the rock up the hill. Besides, I was in New York yesterday. Brass: Yeah, but you didn't want them to move away together. Harry Desmond: I wanted Bianca to get a job. My biggest mistake in life? Giving my baby everything she ever wanted. Brass: Your wife doesn't seem to mind your lifestyle. Harry Desmond: When Bianca was a teenager, they fought like cats in a sack. It's good they've been spending time together. Brass: Do you know what they're doing? Harry Desmond: Well ... they're shopping, dancing ... you know, girl stuff. Brass: They're sleeping with the same man. (That surprises Harry.) Harry Desmond: Look ... there was no good reason for Chelsea to marry me back in the day. I had a little money. Nothing like what we have now. She was half my age and ten times better looking. I thought if I kept her on a long leash ... maybe she'd never stray that far. Brass: You the kind of guy that likes to keep guns in the house? Harry Desmond: Yeah, of course. Brass: I'm going to need to see them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (Nick finds Catherine in the layout room.) Nick: Hey, Catherine, I just got back trace on Kelly Gordon's fingernails. I was looking for air bag dust, but all Hodges found was air. Catherine: Well, join the club. No usable prints on the parking garage camera either. Nick: Okay, I'll have Sofia release her from holding. Those the vic's phone records? Catherine: Yeah. From her office. Lots of international calls. Nick: A lot of 345s. Catherine: Mm-hmm. Nick: Where's that? Catherine: Cayman Islands. Popular with scuba divers and money launderers. I called a few of the numbers; all banks. Nick: Suggests offshore accounts. It's not illegal, but it is very anonymous. Catherine: It's also a good way to siphon money away from your clients. Nick: Well, that's a leap. Catherine: Hey, somebody wanted this woman dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Nick is in an empty room. He pulls up the computer files on SYLVIA MULLINS: CASE NUMBER 06 01 18 1738-CW CASE CREATED: 1/19/06 CASE MODIFIED ON: 1/19/06 VICTIM: SYLVIA MULLINS PRIORITY ACTIVE REQUESTED ANALYSIS: DNA, TRACE, FINGERPRINTS DEPARTMENT: LVPD AGENCY INCIDENT #: 627300-23 SCENE LOCATION: 8223 KOVAL LANE, LAS VEGAS 89134 ADJUCATION: NO SELECTION CASE PLAYERS - TYPE - STATUS - ALIAS - STATE ID KELLY GORDON - SUSPECT - ALIVE - N/A - 792-3 WALTER GORDON - SUSPECT - DECEASED - NA - 312-5 (He brings up a photo of Kelly Gordon.) (He clicks on her photo and on "RELATED CASES".) (He pulls up his own case file: CASE CREATED ON: MAY 19 2005 CASE MODIFIED ON: SEPT 23 2005 -- VOICE ANALYSIS -- 84938-47-R9 921 DESERT WAY, LAS VEGAS 89109 (He clicks on "CASE MODIFIED ON" and finds NEW EVIDENCE LOGGED.) (Puzzled, Nick goes over all the photos of the evidence logged and finds a recording. He clicks on the recording.) Walter Gordon: (from tape) Hi, CSI guy. You wondering why you're here? (Quick flashback to: Nick is listening to the tape recorder in the coffin. Various flashes of Nick's time in the glass coffin.) Walter Gordon: (from tape) Because you followed the evidence. Because that's what CSIs do. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Walter Gordon: (from tape) So breathe quick, breathe slow, put your gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Any way you like, you're going to die here. (softer) Okay. Perfect. (He plays the last part again.) Walter Gordon: (from tape) You're going to die here. (softer) Okay. Perfect. (Nick notes the evidence was logged in by GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Nick walks into the lab with the cassette tape.) Nick: Hey, Archie. Archie: Hey, I did my best to enhance the parking garage footage, but I just can't get an image on the killer's face. Nick: If you got a couple of minutes, I need a voice comparison. Archie: Yeah, what do you got? Nick: Kelly Gordon's voice on tape. I want to see if it's the other voice on the Walter Gordon audio file. Archie: Grissom told you. Nick: No, but he obviously told you. (busted.) Archie: Nick, uh, ... Nick: You know what? Forget about it. If this girl's involved, that means she's capable of murder. It's all cued up for you. Her voice is first. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Warrick is walking through the hallway. He's on the phone.) Warrick: (to phone) Grissom, it's Warrick. None of the guns Bobby test-fired were a match to the bullets, but Chelsea Wannamaker purchased a .22 in her name that was not picked up with the warrant for Harry's guns. Okay. I'm on it. (Warrick hangs up and enters the interview room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Chelsea Wannamaker is in the room.) Warrick: Mrs. Wannamaker. Wow, that's a hell of a rock. I'm surprised I didn't see that the other night. Chelsea Wannamaker: Well, I don't feel safe wearing this to a club. Warrick: Is that why you own a gun? Chelsea Wannamaker: Well, I used to. But my gun was stolen out of my purse one night when we went out. Is there something you want to say to me? Warrick: You trying to buy back some time there, Mrs. Wannamaker? Chelsea Wannamaker: Life's short, but it doesn't end at forty. Warrick: Oh, I agree with you. But it must be tough for Bianca to have the kind of mother that'd sleep with her boyfriend. Chelsea Wannamaker: The thing with Ahren the other night shouldn't have happened. We were on ecstasy ... and a line got crossed. (Quick flashback to: [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - NIGHT] Bianca and Chelsea enter the bedroom. Chelsea lies on the bed.) Bianca Desmond: Oh, yeah. Lay down. Chelsea Wannamaker: Okay. Bianca Desmond: I'll come back. Chelsea Wannamaker: All right, you come right back. (Cut to: Ahren exits the bathroom and joins Chelsea on the bed. He kisses her back and she moans. He rolls her over and realizes it's Chelsea.) Ahren Green: Oh, Chelsea, I'm ... I'm sorry. I totally thought you were Bianca. Chelsea Wannamaker: That felt so good. (They kiss.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Chelsea Wannamaker: Bianca came in and found us. (Shakes her head.) I wish it never would have happened. Warrick: What's that, getting busy with her boyfriend or getting caught? Chelsea Wannamaker: I went into the living room and I let the two of them talk it out. Next thing I know, she announced that they were moving to Colorado, so it seemed to me like they worked it out. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT./INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - DAY] (Warrick and Sara walk up the front toward the door.) Sara: Freud would have a field day with this family. Warrick: Dad loves his daughter, but mom only sees the daughter as competition. Sara: And everyone wonders why Bianca can't meet a nice boy. Warrick: Bianca eats nice boys for brunch. (They find the door unlocked. Warrick and Sara take their guns out before entering.) Warrick: (loud) Las Vegas Crime Lab. (They enter the house and check the living room. Warrick finds Bianca out on the sofa.) Warrick: Oh. Sara. (Sara walks up to her and checks her.) Sara: Bianca, can you hear me? We need an ambulance. Warrick: (to radio) Dispatch, this is CSI Brown. We have a woman down. We need a paramedic. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - BIANCA'S ROOM -- DAY] (Sara walks into Bianca's room. Both her parents - Harry Desmond and Chelsea Wannamaker - are sitting in chairs beside her bed.) Sara: Hey, Bianca. How you feeling? Mr. and Mrs. Desmond ... Harry Desmond: It's Wannamaker. She's never changed her name. Sara: Ms. Wannamaker, I'm going to need a few moments alone with Bianca. (Chelsea gets up and leaves. Harry leaves.) Bianca Desmond: You never should've told him. My father's an optimist. How do you think they stayed married for twenty years? Sara: Bianca, I'm going to assume that whoever did this to you also killed Ahren. And I'm also going to assume that you know who that is. I think you need to stop protecting everyone from themselves. Bianca Desmond: I can't. (She turns her head away from Sara. Sara notices bruising on her neck. The nurse walks in.) Nurse: Excuse me. I just need to check the swelling. (to Bianca) How's the tenderness? Bianca Desmond: It's fine. (The nurse finishes and exits the room. Sara quickly makes her exit.) Sara: (to Bianca) I hope you feel better. (She rushes through the hallway to catch up with the nurse.) Sara: Nurse ... nurse? (The nurse stops.) Sara: Can I get that glove you were just using? I'm Sara Sidle, I'm with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. (Sara holds out an envelope. The nurse puts the glove in the envelope.) Nurse: Here you go. Sara: Thanks. Uh, I'm also going to wait around for the SAE kit. Nurse: She refused. (Surprised, Sara turns and looks back at the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Nick finds Grissom in his office.) Nick: Hey, Grissom ... You want to talk to me? Grissom: Yeah, sit down. (Nick sits down.) Grissom: I heard that Kelly Gordon may be a suspect in your murder case. Nick: Yeah. Grissom: Is that a problem? Nick: No. No, it's not a problem. And by the way, I heard the tape. I did a voice comparison. (Quick flash to: Nick turns the tape recorder on.) Sylvia Mullins: (from tape) Like a Roth IRA, that'd be perfect for you. (End of flash. Resume to present.) Nick: Sylvia Mullins is the other voice on that tape. She's Walter Gordon's ex-business manager, so ... I'm pretty sure she had something to do with my kidnapping. Grissom: But now she's dead. Nick: Yeah. Grissom: So ... it's over. Nick: (nods) Yep. Grissom: Good. Nick: Good. (Nick stands up and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY] (Sara, Warrick, and Greg meet in the break room to discuss the case.) Sara: Look. Bianca is covering for her father. Warrick: Well, we figured out the sticky stuff on Bianca's neck was creosote. It's a timber preservative found on fences, telephone poles and railroad ties. Greg: Justin lives on the train tracks. And he's pretty tweaked out. Sara: Yeah, but he didn't shoot himself. And I think that if he had done it, Bianca would've told us. (Warrick looks for something.) Greg: What is it? Warrick: Telephone poles. Tom Harper's work order for Bianca's DSL line was dated December 18. December 18 ... fell on a Sunday. How many workers you know work on a Sunday? Sara: Is this the original document? Warrick: Yeah. Sara: I'm on it. (Sara takes the work order and gets up to leave.) Greg: Always the utility guy. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - QD -- DAY] (Sara processes the work order. She cuts off the date, then cuts each number and puts it in its own dimple. She adds liquid to each sample and lets it soak for a little while.) (Sara continues to process the ink.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Sara reports her findings to Warrick and Grissom.) Sara: There were two different inks on the work order, which means the date on the work order was compromised. Tom Harper made a service call to Bianca's house not in December, but ten months earlier, in February. Warrick: Why would the guy lie? Sara: It appears that he was a lot more to her than just the phone guy. Our bachelorette was a very busy girl. (Sara turns and points to the phone logs she has highlighted and posted on the walls.) Sara: Phone calls from Bianca to Tom are in yellow, from Bianca to Justin are in blue, and from Bianca to Ahren are in pink. There was always overlap. Bachelor number one: Tom, phone guy -- strong showing from February 18 until June-ish. She called him two, three times a day. And then around June 5, bachelor number two enters the picture -- Justin. Ten days of overlap and then all the calls to Tom stopped until ... Grissom: The week Justin was shot and moved out. Sara: Exactly. Ahren entered the picture about five days later in mid- September. At that point, all the phone calls to the other guys stopped until just about a week ago. Grissom: When she started calling Tom again. Warrick: Every time this chick calls Tom, somebody gets shot. Grissom: It's like thermite. Sara: Thermite? Grissom: When you combine two seemingly harmless elements -- aluminum and rust -- press them together, add heat ... it creates an explosion so hot it'll burn through steel. Powerful but uncontrollable. It burns and burns until it burns itself out, finally consuming both elements. Sara: I guess some people just shouldn't be together. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD -- DAY] (Tom Harper is climbing down a telephone pole when officer cars pull up below. Brass and Sara exit the car.) Brass: Tom Harper! Come on down! (Tom steps down from the pole.) Brass: You made me find you twice, Tom. That's a drag. Tom Harper: What's the problem? Brass: You know, I think you saw Bianca in her panties more than once. (Sara notices Tom's climbing spikes attached to his shoes. She kneels down for a closer look.) Sara: Now those could change a man. (Camera zooms in for a close-up to show the blood still on them.) And it looks like they did. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass interviews Tom Harper.) Brass: You know, it's fill in the blank. If it walks like a stalker, talks like a stalker ... Tom Harper: I'm not a stalker. Brass: Then what's this? Excellent service? Here's the top of the telephone pole near Bianca's house. (Brass shows Tom a photo of the cut wires.) Brass: Ahren was tapping your girl, so you started tapping her phone. Tom Harper: I only listened when I thought she was in trouble. Brass: Look, her father called her at 7:00 A.M. New York time, that's 4:00 in the morning in Vegas. You had to be on the pole to hear it because we were on the scene an hour later. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Tom Harper is on the top of the telephone pole and hears the phone message to Bianca.) Harry Desmond: (from phone) Bianca, honey, it's Daddy. I got your message about moving to Colorado with Ahren. (Cut to: Ahren is in the garage. He turns around and finds Tom behind him.) Tom Harper: Stay away from Bianca. (Tom takes out a gun and points it at Ahren.) Ahren Green: Who are you? Tom Harper: You're not taking her to Colorado. Ahren Green: The hell I'm not. (He throws the helmet at him and the two men fight. The gun goes off and they continue to fight.) (Ahren punches Tom back to the ground. He goes after him. Tom stabs him in the upper leg with the spikes in his boots. Tom grabs his things and leaves.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Tom Harper: I just wanted her to be happy. Brass: With you and no one else. Tom Harper: No. Those other guys were jerks. I only wanted to scare him off. Brass: Oh, like you did with Justin? Tom Harper: That worked. Brass: Yeah, but Bianca didn't come running back to you, so I guess you had to scare her, too. (Quick flashback to: [INT. DESMOND RESIDENCE - DAY] Bianca Desmond is sitting on the sofa when Tom walks in. She turns around and sees him.) Bianca Desmond: What are you doing here? Tom Harper: I came to see you. Bianca Desmond: I think you should leave. Tom Harper: Your mom wants us to be together. Bianca Desmond: My mom?! Let go! (They two struggle.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Tom Harper: Her mother and I weren't always going to be around to clean up her messes. Brass: Wait a minute. Are you telling me that Chelsea asked you to hurt these guys? (He nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass interviews Chelsea Wannamaker.) Chelsea Wannamaker: So you have some lunatic stalker telephone repairman claiming that I told him to kill my daughter's boyfriends? Give me a break. Warrick: We have multiple calls to him from Bianca's house and it was not her. We also have on the record that you called him from your cell. Brass: Coincidentally, right around the time Justin was shot and Ahren was killed. We call that 'solicitation for murder.' Warrick: But you'd probably call it, what, good mother? Chelsea Wannamaker: I love my daughter. Warrick: Yeah, apparently, a lot of her boyfriends, too. Chelsea Wannamaker: I called Tom. I asked him to scare Justin away. He was after Bianca for her money. I mean, we have to protect ourselves. Brass: Yeah, but Ahren didn't love her for her money. What was wrong with him? Warrick: So he was good enough for you, but too good for your daughter, was that it? Brass: I mean, finding a soul mate is hard enough, but competing with your mother, that shouldn't be an issue. That goes against ... I don't know, nature. Chelsea Wannamaker: I was attracted to Ahren ... and I was just trying to keep him away from Bianca and me. Warrick: Lady, you unleashed an unstable man that you knew was in love with your daughter. You had to know that that was not going to end well. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Catherine catches Nick in the hallway.) Catherine: Oh, hey, Nick. Nick. Nick: Yeah? Catherine: We caught a break. Nick: The security guard confessed. Catherine: No. Archie isolated a frame of the killer turning the focus ring. (She shows him the photos of the killer's hand. On the center of the hand is a tattoo.) Nick: She did it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE KELLY'S APARTMENT -- DAY] (Sofia Curtis, a couple of officers and Nick approach the door with guns drawn.) (Sofia pounds on the door.) Sofia Curtis: Las Vegas Police! Open up! (There's no answers. Sofia nods and an officer smashes the door open.) (Sofia and the officers enter.) [INT. KELLY'S APARTMENT -- DAY] (Sofia finds Kelly sitting on the bed.) Sofia Curtis: Kelly Gordon, you're under arrest for the murder of Sylvia Mullins. Stand up. (She doesn't move.) Sofia Curtis: Stand up! (Kelly stands up. She's very lethargic. Sofia has a hard time keeping her hands up to pat her down. Kelly looks at Nick.) Kelly Gordon: (quietly) Care why I did it? Nick: Doesn't really matter now. Kelly Gordon: She told me my dad didn't leave me anything. He never would've done that. He loved me. (Sofia cuffs her.) Sofia Curtis: So you killed her? (Nick looks at the bottle on the bedside table.) Kelly Gordon: The ransom was her idea. She didn't get the money. She took it from me. (Kelly falls back to the bed and convulses.) Nick: She's OD'ing. She's OD'ing right now. Sofia Curtis: Call a paramedic. (In the background, we hear an officer making the call.) Nick: Vicodine, INH, methadone. Kelly! (Nick leans over her.) Nick: Kelly! Kelly! (Kelly stops convulsing.) (Nick looks at Sofia. Sofia checks for breath, then starts chest compressions.)

The CSIs investigate the stabbing of a motocross racer who was about to leave town with a woman he had been living with. Meanwhile, as Catherine and Nick investigate the death of an accountant hit by her own car, Nick comes closer to the truth about his kidnapping.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x03

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x03_0

Transcribed exclusively for TVTDB.com INT. MEREDITH'S HOUSE (Meredith is lying in her bed.) MEREDITH (V.O.): Surgeons usually fantasize about wild and improbable surgeries. Someone collapses in a restaurant; we splice them open with a butter knife. Replace a valve with a hollowed-out stick of carrot. But every now and then, some other kind of fantasy slips in. (Meredith turns to her left, where Derek is lying in her bed, naked.) DEREK: Good morning. MEREDITH: Good morning. (Derek and Meredith kiss. Derek then looks over to Meredith's right, where we see Finn on the other side of the bed.) DEREK: Good morning. FINN: It is a good morning. (Meredith rolls over to face Finn.) Hi. MEREDITH: Hi. (They kiss.) FINN: Did you get any sleep last night? MEREDITH: Not really. DEREK: Do you want to get some now? MEREDITH: Not really. (Both Derek and Finn lean in towards Meredith, but a loud thump pulls her from her dream.) GEORGE: Ow! MEREDITH (V.O.): Most of our fantasies dissolve when we wake. Banished to the back of our mind. But sometimes we're sure, if we try hard enough, we can live the dream. (Meredith tries to go back to sleep. Another louder thump comes from the hallway. Meredith gets up from her bed and opens her door. In the hallway, George is wrestling with some cardboard boxes) GEORGE: Damn! Stupid! Ow! MEREDITH: I was having a really good dream and you ruined it. GEORGE: Sorry. These boxes... Oh there boxes! Callie said she was bringing her stuff over and... it's all here. MEREDITH: It's OK George, I don't mind. GEORGE: I don't mind either. Nah, I don't mind a bit. (George moves closer to Meredith.) Kick her out. MEREDITH: What? I can't kick her out. You were the one who told her she could move in. GEORGE: That she could stay for a couple of days, a couple of days! It's been over a week. Now there are boxes and she's using my computer and she's here all the time. Would you kick her out? Kick her out now. (Callie emerges from the bathroom, having just taken a shower. A red towel is wrapped around her.) CALLIE: Hey you guys might want to wait a little while, there's no more hot water. GEORGE (whispering to Meredith) : Do it. (Izzie emerges from her room.) IZZIE: Hey. Can I get a ride with you guys to the hospital? MEREDITH: You're going to the hospital? IZZIE: Yeah. I'm... I'm gonna go in. Talk to the Chief. See about coming back. Anyway, just let me know when you're leaving. (Izzie walks back into her room.) CALLIE: That's great, Izzie's coming back. That's great, right? MEREDITH: Mhhm. GEORGE: That's my towel. CALLIE: Oh, sorry. (Callie hands George the towel. She is now standing naked in the hallway. George takes the towel and walks off.) CALLIE: God, he's really moody in the mornings. MEREDITH (uncomfortable): Yeah. He's... yeah. CALLIE: Yeah. (Callie walks off and Meredith returns to her room.) INT. HOTEL ROOM [SCENE_BREAK] (Mark is lying in bed. Addison is getting dressed.) MARK: You know I don't have to leave today. I could change my flight. ADDISON: No. No you can't, because I'm sober now and... there's work to get to and planes to be caught and real lives to be led. Thank you, truly Mark, for all of the s*x. I really... I feel much better now, I do. And I...Well, now I have to go. And so do you. So, uh, do you want me to call you... a cab to the airport? (Mark pulls Addison back down onto the bed.) INT. BURKE'S APARTMENT [SCENE_BREAK] (Burke is lying on a couch, throwing a ball against the wall. Cristina walks into the room.) CRISTINA: Why don't you try your bad hand. That's what that ball's for, right? Fixing your bad hand? (Using his bad hand, Burke violently throws the ball against a mug of coffee sitting in the middle of the room. The mug falls to the ground.) BURKE: Works. CRISTINA: There's coffee on the floor. (Pause) Fine, you know what, I'll clean it up. BURKE: Whatever. Leave it. It doesn't matter. EXT. OUTSIDE OF SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Callie, George, Meredith and Izzie are walking from the parking lot to the hospital.) CALLIE: So I was thinking, since you shift ends after mine and I don't want to have to wait around, maybe I should get a copy of the house key. GEORGE: No. I like leaving together. You don't need a key. (They arrive at the hospital entrance. Izzie stops walking.) MEREDITH: Izzie? IZZIE: I'll see you guys in there. MEREDITH: Everything's gonna be fine. Bailey is on your side. And the Chief is... He is gonna put on his angry face, but he's on your side too. GEORGE: Everybody wants you back in that building. IZZIE: I know. I know. You guys go ahead, I'll be fine. I'm just gonna take a minute, practice my speech. MEREDITH: OK. (Callie, George and Meredith walk into the hospital.) INT. CHIEF'S OFFICE - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Richard is sat behind his desk. Bailey is standing on the other side of it.) RICHARD: I didn't ask you to convince her to come in... BAILEY: But I did. I did convince her. RICHARD: There is a whole series of disciplinary and rehabilitative steps that Izzie Stevens will have to take before we can... BAILEY: You can explain them to her. RICHARD: I never agreed to that. BAILEY: She didn't commit a crime. She's an intern, my intern. You wanna blame someone, blame me. Look, but that girl is coming in here today and... and you are going to talk to her. And you're gonna remember all the other surgeons you've known who've ever had a lapse in judgement that led to someone dying, or someone's arm falling off. Most importantly, you're gonna remember all the mistakes that you made when you were young and stupid. And you're gonna be filled with patience and compassion! RICHARD: That's what I'm gonna do? BAILEY (shouting): Yes! (Richard stands and crosses his arms.) RICHARD: Because I'm the boss... BAILEY: I'm... Look I didn't mean any disrespect, sir. I apologise. RICHARD: This is really important to you, personally? BAILEY: Very personally sir, yes. (Richard sits again.) RICHARD: Being the boss isn't as gratifying as it used to be. BAILEY: No, sir. RICHARD: Get out of here. INT. SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Cristina and Meredith are walking through the hospital hallways.) CRISTINA: I'm on my knees in a puddle of coffee, and he's lying on the couch playing with himself, you know? And not in a good way. MEREDITH: But he's recovering from surgery, and you've read the studies on recovery and depression in surgical patients. CRISTINA: Yeah well he's not a patient, he's Preston Burke. He's just milking it. Now he's got me fetching his food and the paper and his slippers like I'm a dog. (Cristina and Meredith reach the elevator. Derek steps out of it, carrying two cups of coffee.) DEREK: Hey! MEREDITH: Hi! I had a dream about you last night. DEREK: You did? What was I doing? Bringing you coffee? MEREDITH: You were definitely not bringing me coffee. But coffee's good. DEREK: I'm told dating starts with a casual invitation over a cup of coffee. MEREDITH: Does it? DEREK: So Meredith, would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight? How was that? Was that casual enough? That was good right? MEREDITH: So we're dating. DEREK: We're dating. Pick you up at eight. (Derek walks off. The elevator opens again and Finn steps out of it, carrying a paper bag.) MEREDITH: Hey! FINN: I was in the neighbourhood. Actually I wasn't but I decided you were worth the detour. MEREDITH: I had a dream about you last night. FINN: Was it a good dream? MEREDITH: It was. FINN: And what was I doing? CRISTINA: Yes Mer, what was he doing? MEREDITH: What's that? FINN: It's for you. It's a coffee cake. Best in the North-West. Figured I'd better soften you up so that when I ask you to dinner tonight you have to say yes. CRISTINA: Uh, dinner tonight? How about that? Are you free tonight, Meredith? MEREDITH: Actually, uh, I'm not free tonight. FINN: Well how about lunch? I could come here. MEREDITH: You're volunteering to eat hospital food? FINN: I love crappy food. MEREDITH: One o'clock? FINN: I'll be here. MEREDITH: OK. (Finn walks away.) CRISTINA: You had a dream about the both of them? Threesome? (Meredith smiles.) Nice. Just when I think you're boring, you rise. MEREDITH: I'm dating. (Meredith looks at her cup of coffee and her paper bag.) And it comes with snacks. EXT. OUTSIDE OF SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex is walking from the parking lot to the hospital. He sees Izzie, who is still standing in front of the hospital entrance.) ALEX: Hey Iz. IZZIE: Hey. I'm going in to see the Chief. ALEX: Excellent. Back in the game, stepping up to the plate. Look I'm running late, I'll catch you later. IZZIE: Yeah, later. (Alex walks into the hospital.) INT. NURSES STATION - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex walks over to the nurses station, where Meredith, Cristina and George are eating the coffee cake.) ALEX: Izzie's back, that's good. Ooh, coffee cake. MEREDITH: I'm dating. (Alex reaches for the cake. Cristina grabs his arm.) CRISTINA: Touch that piece, lose a hand. (Bailey walks up to them.) BAILEY: Morning people. Grey, we're clearing the decks. I need you writing discharge forms. Yang, you're with Doctor Shepherd. Karev, as usual, you're with Doctor Montgomery Shepherd in OBGYN. O'Malley, Doctor Torres has requested you today in Ortho. (Bailey walks away.) CRISTINA: Was she smiling? ALEX: Izzie's back! (Cristina and Alex walk off.) GEORGE: "Doctor Torres has requested you"? MEREDITH: Just tell her George. Tell her you're not ready to move in together. And then try dating. Dating is fun. (George and Meredith walk off. Addison calls over to Alex.) ADDISON: Karev, we ready? ALEX: Isn't this getting old for you? ADDISON: Nope. Makes my whole day actually. (Addison's cellphone rings. She answers it.) Hello. Hello? Are you OK? No, uh, no I can't I've got to... Five minutes. (She hangs up. To Alex.) Go find something to do in the pit. ALEX: Personal problem... ADDISON: Go. (Alex walks off, jumping with joy.) INT. THE PIT - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex walks into the pit. A nurse hands him a patient's file.) NURSE: Fourth visit in three months. (Alex walks over to a young patient lying on a hospital bed, her parents on either side of her.) ALEX: I'm Doctor Karev, and you are... MEGAN: Megan Clover, and it is not as bad as it looks. MRS CLOVER: She fell in the playground, and there was a lot of blood and it looked deep. MR CLOVER: We know how this looks. Just so you know, we know how this looks, and it's not that. She just plays rough, you know. This is her file, and it goes back since way before we got her. ALEX: Before you got her? MRS CLOVER: We're her foster parents. She's such a great kid, but she plays really rough. MR CLOVER: She plays rough. ALEX: Right. Well why don't you guys go up to the nurses station and let them make a copy of her file for you, and I'll take a look at Megan's leg. MRS CLOVER: OK. We'll be right back honey. You alright? MEGAN: Yeah. MRS CLOVER: OK. (Mr and Mrs Clover walk over to the nurses station.) ALEX: You've got some mean looking bruises, you know that? (Alex notices a plaster on Megan's arm.) What, you hurt your arm too? MEGAN (defensively): Nothing big, I fell off my bike. (Alex rips of the plaster. Beneath it is a large wound which has been stapled together.) ALEX: Are those staples? What the hell? Did they do this to you? MEGAN: No! No! ALEX: Who did this to you? MEGAN: I did. I didn't want to go to the doctor again so I just stapled it. It's no biggie. ALEX: You stapled your own arm? MEGAN: Can you please just stitch up my leg so we can get out of here? ALEX: You're not going anywhere with those people Megan. They're never gonna lay a hand on you again. MEGAN: They didn't do anything. Please, they're my best parents I've ever had. ALEX: Megan... MEGAN: They don't hurt me. I can't be hurt. You don't believe me? Punch me in the stomach, right now. ALEX: The staples are in there pretty deep. I'm gonna have to give you a shot to numb the pain. (Alex prepares the needle.) MEGAN: I don't need a shot! ALEX: Trust me, you want a shot. It's swollen, it's gonna hurt like a... (Megan pulls the staples out of her arm.) MEGAN: There. Can I go now? ALEX: That didn't even hurt? (Megan motions Alex to come closer. He leans in towards her.) MEGAN (whispering): I have superpowers, OK? INT. PATIENT'S ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek and Cristina are standing around a patient's bed, Taylor Tressel.) DEREK: Mr Tressel's having a corpus callosotomy. What's that gonna look like? CRISTINA: We'll be severing some of the fibres that connect the right and left hemisphere of his brain to prevent the spread of seizure activity from one half of his brain to the other. DEREK: Good. (Taylor Tressel's wife, Leanne is standing in the corner of the room, talking to their baby.) LEANNE: Daddy's letting them chop his brain in half, because Daddy's a big dummy. Yes he is. TAYLOR: They're not chopping my brain in half, Leanne. DEREK: Taylor should function much like he does right now. LEANNE: Really? TAYLOR: I'm having five seizures a day Leanne. LEANNE: I know that. TAYLOR: You don't leave me in a room alone with the baby. You think I don't notice? You ask your mother to come by every time you need to take a shower. LEANNE: That's not the reason... TAYLOR: It's because you think I'm a danger to the baby. And I am. (Pause.) DEREK: Look if you're not sure, for any reason, we can wait. TAYLOR TRESSEL: I want to be able to take care of our baby. Please Leanne, we already agreed. Please. (Leanne nods to Derek and Cristina.) INT. X-RAY ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Bailey is checking some X-Rays. Alex walks into the room.) ALEX: I got this kid in the pit. She's psycho and her foster parents are beating the crap out of her. BAILEY: She tell you that, or you figure it out yourself? ALEX: She's covered in bruises, she's got a ten centimetre lac' on her arm with three staples in it. Like from a staple gun in your garage. BAILEY: Her parents did that? ALEX: Well she said she did it herself. She's got this whole bit about being a superhero and how she can take the pain. BAILEY: Well you call social services? ALEX: They're on their way down. BAILEY: OK, well have them speak to the parents while you run a cold pressure test on the girl. ALEX: A what? BAILEY: Ice water. Test her response to pain. At the very least it'll keep her distracted while the parents are questioned. (Alex leaves the room.) INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (George walks over to Callie, who is standing in front of a patient's room.) GEORGE: You requested me? CALLIE: Yeah, I did. You were weird this morning. GEORGE: I wasn't weird. Any more than I normally am in the morning. It's a weird time of day for a lot of people. It's bright and... crowded in our house in the morning. There's just a lot of people running around. CALLIE: Good. We have a radical case today. You're gonna be glad you're with me. (Callie and George walk into the patient's room. Callie hands George the patient's chart.) GEORGE: Thanks. (Callie pulls back the curtain around the patient's bed.) CALLIE: Mr Jasper Hovie! JASPER: Doctor T! You miss me? CALLIE: More than words can say. This is Doctor O'Malley. He's going to be helping out. GEORGE: Hi. JASPER: How are you doing? June twelfth baby! Two point four mile swim. A hundred and twelve miles on the bike and then a marathon. CALLIE: Mm, that is rockin'. JASPER: Am I gonna be ready? CALLIE: You bet your sculpted ass you are. JASPER: (laughing): I love this woman! GEORGE: You had three surgeries last year. CALLIE: Yeah, two rotator cuffs and an ACL. JASPER: All with Doctor T. GEORGE: And now you're having an ankle replacement? CALLIE: Yeah we waited over a year for a match. We're gonna replace his ankle with an ankle joint from a cadaver. JASPER: Who's my guy? CALLIE: Your donor? JASPER: Well he hasn't been dead long, right? CALLIE: Um, about a week. He's downstairs. JASPER: No way! Can I meet him? Pay my respects? CALLIE: I don't think you two are gonna have much to talk about. Doctor O'Malley's gonna handle your labs. (Callie leaves the room, laughing.) JASPER: Have you met my guy? INT. THE PIT - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex enters the pit carrying a bucket of ice cold water and walks over to Megan.) ALEX: Hey superkid. MEGAN: Where are my parents? ALEX: They're talking to some grown-ups. MEGAN: I'm not a moron. They're talking to a social worker. ALEX: Megan, these bruises, these cuts all over you, this isn't normal. MEGAN: I get in fights a lot, OK? Cause I'm stronger than some of the other kids, so I end up defending the ones who are wimpy or small or whatever. ALEX: You know you're scrawny, right? I mean you're not one of the big kids. MEGAN: Yeah, but I can take them in a fight. ALEX: Alright. (Motioning to the bucket.) Put your hands in here. MEGAN: Why? ALEX: Because, we're gonna test your superpowers. MEGAN: You don't believe me? Punch me in the stomach, right here. Come on, punch me in the stomach. ALEX: Let's just stick to the water. Put your hand in here, and I'll... I'll race you. You can race me. (Megan stares at Alex.) What? Come one. What are you afraid of... afraid of a little ice? You afraid I'm gonna beat you? Come on, on the count of three. One. Two. Three. (They both plunge their hands into the cold water.) Pull your hand out when it starts to hurt please. MEGAN: What are you deaf? It won't start to hurt. Just think about it, OK? Superheroes are all kids with dead parents. Like me. And they all figured out when they were around my age that they could do things nobody else could. Like me. INT. JOE'S BAR [SCENE_BREAK] (Addison walks over to a table where Mark is sitting.) ADDISON: You missed your place? MARK: Grounded on account of bad weather. ADDISON: It's a cloudless sky. That happens like twice a year in Seattle. MARK: Yeah but there's a typhoon in New York. Sit down, have a drink with me. ADDISON: No I'm not having a drink with you. I am working, at work. Not here. MARK :It's a coffee, alright? ADDISON: Mark... MARK: Joe, can we get the doctor a coffee? INT. THE PIT - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex and Megan still have their hands in the bucket.) MEGAN: And they think it's weird that the can do all this stuff, but don't tell anybody because people would freak out like you did. (Alex's face indicates that he is in pain.) What's wrong with you? ALEX: Son of a... (Alex pulls his hand out of the bucket.) Ow! Ah! Take your handout of there before it falls off! (Alex pulls Megan's hand out of the bucket.) MEGAN: You need to relax. ALEX: You didn't feel anything? Nothing? MEGAN: No. Nobody ever believes me. Like yesterday in school this kid said I was full of it. I had to let him punch me in the stomach twenty five times before he believed me. And once with a baseball bat. ALEX: What? INT. TAYLOR TRUSSEL'S ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Cristina is prepping Taylor for surgery.) CRISTINA: We'll have cardiology check this and then you'll be good to go. TAYLOR: Done! (Leanne hands the baby to Taylor.) There's my guy! Jake, we're almost done with this whole thing. LEANNE: We're not almost done. You still have brain surgery, God knows how many weeks of recovery ahead of you. CRISTINA: She's right. It's good to know what you're getting yourself into. LEANNE: Thank you. I appreciate that. CRISTINA: A recovery's hell on a spouse. It's gonna be harder for you than on him. LEANNE: My mom's staying with us for a week. Maybe she should stay longer. CRISTINA: You know it's... it's brutal being the caretaker. You'll be fetching the paper and then cleaning the carpet. TAYLOR: Honey... CRISTINA: And he wants ice in a cup, not a mug. It never stops. It's the caretakers that are the silent victims. You know, and when do you ever hear about them? TAYLOR: Honey take the baby... CRISTINA: Never. I never hear anything about them. Then it's always, you know, the patient this, the patient that. Silent victims. TAYLOR: Honey take the baby! (Taylor starts having a seizure. Cristina rushes and catches the baby. Taylor falls to the floor.) LEANNE: Taylor! CRISTINA (shouting): Someone help here please! INT. TAYLOR TRUSSEL'S ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek is examining Taylor.) CRISTINA: His seizure lasted for about a minute and he was out for five. TAYLOR: Is the baby OK? CRISTINA: He's fine. DEREK: It shouldn't interfere with his surgery. Assuming we're still going forward. TAYLOR: Honey? LEANNE: Yeah. I guess we don't have any other choice. DEREK: Alright Leanne, I'm gonna do everything I can, OK? It's not gonna be a walk in the park, but I'll take care of him. LEANNE: OK. EXT. OUTSIDE OF SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Izzie is still standing outside the hospital entrance. Meredith walks over to her.) MEREDITH: Hey Izzie. You done with the Chief? IZZIE: Not yet. MEREDITH: Are you OK? IZZIE: I'm fine. What are you guys doing? CRISTINA: Uh, she's dating everyone with a pulse and, uh, I'm trying to get Burke out of the belljar. MEREDITH: Crap, I'm late for Finn. Gotta go. You sure you're OK? IZZIE: Yeah. (Meredith walks back into the hospital.) CRISTINA: She's playing the field, and I've got a wife! What did the justice. (An uncomfortable silence ensues.) CRISTINA: Uh... OK. (Cristina walks away.) INT. JOE'S BAR [SCENE_BREAK] (Addison and Mark are sat at a table in the bar.) ADDISON: Here's the thing. We've both really enjoyed each other. Before and... now again. And I think that's a healthy release. I mean I think it's... healthy. (Mark strokes Addison's hair.) For everybody involved. And, um... But I do think that just because I made what can only be considered a transcontinental booty call doesn't mean that we should be trying to make something out of this. Stop doing that! (Addison slaps Mark's hand away.) MARK: Why? ADDISON: Because I can't think. MARK: We're good together. ADDISON: We aren't. You have to go home. MARK: Come back with me. ADDISON: You're insane. I'm not going back... I'm not going back to New York. MARK: Cause it was just about s*x? (They almost kiss. Addison slaps Mark.) ADDISON: Oh! Ah! (Mark smiles. Addison gets up.) ADDISON: Ok, uh, well. Goodbye. MARK: Goodbye. (Addison leaves the bar.) INT. NURSES STATION - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Richard walks over to Bailey.) RICHARD: Stevens was supposed to be in my office at nine thirty. Didn't show. Did you two change your minds? BAILEY: No, she said she was coming in. I'm sure she'll track you down. (Richard leaves the nurses station. Alex walks over to Bailey.) ALEX: We need to run a CT on this kid's abdomen. This superhero stuff's way out of hand. BAILEY: It's alright if she thinks she's a superhero. I believed in Santa Claus til I was eleven. ALEX: Really? Did Santa ever hit you in the gut with a baseball bat? INT. GROUND FLOOR - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (George is walking down the stairs to the ground floor. Callie calls out to him.) CALLIE: Hey! The labs good? GEORGE: Yeah, they're all clear. (Callie breathes a sigh of relief.) So why does a guy have four ortho surgeries in one year? CALLIE: Because he's a serious athlete. His body takes a beating. GEORGE: Maybe his body can't handle it. CALLIE: Do you know how many triathlons the guy's done? GEORGE: Right. He's fifty five. Do you think an ankle replacement and twenty six miles a day is still a good idea? CALLIE: Um, what? You think we should fit him for a walker? GEROGE: He's ? the crap out of his joints and he's asking you to clear it up. CALLIE: Do you know how many hips I replace because people can't be bothered to walk around the block once a month? Sometimes we can make dreams come true, it's not all that often. When we can we should. Don't you think? GEORGE: Yeah, yeah but... CALLIE: George, don't worry about it. Hey I was gonna go home for lunch. You wanna come. INT. CAFETERIA - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (George sits at a table with Alex and Cristina.) GEORGE: Callie just called my house home. Where does she get that? CRISTINA: Shh. GEORGE: It is not her home. (George notices a pile of notes in the middle of the table.) What are you doing? ALEX: Meredith and Finn. (The camera pans around and we see Meredith and Finns sitting at a table on the other side of the cafeteria. Meredith laughs loudly.) CRISTINA: Fifty down on whether Shepherd shows up to challenge Finn to a duel. (George pulls some notes from his pocket.) GEORGE: Oh, can I be in the... with five? ALEX: That's not a bet that's milk money, dude. (Meredith laughs again.) CRISTINA: Oh and she's laughing! Because he made a joke, which probably wasn't funny. Hahaha! Oh you funny vet! GEORGE: I left the rest of my cash at home. Which I can call it because I live there, I'm not a visitor. ALEX: Hey, you're a loser. You like comic books, right? GEORGE: No. (George mouths "Yes".) ALEX: I got this kid, this patient. She thinks she's a superhero. What's up with that? GEORGE: Superhero? Superheroes look like anyone, like you or me. Maybe they're not someone that people necessarily notice as extraordinary. Maybe in their daily life they get walked on. But then... there's a moment, they get hit by a cosmic ray or bitten by a radioactive spider and then suddenly, something that has been inside them all this time, lying dormant, comes raging out... ALEX: Dude, forget I asked. CRISTINA: Oh here we go, here we go. OK. (Derek walks past Meredith and Finn's table and over to the stall to get a coffee.) CHIRSTINA: Come on, come one, come on. (Derek walks back past the table. Alex smiles and reaches for the money.) ALEX: Takes it like a man, and walks away. (Derek turns and walks back towards Meredith and Finn's table.) GEORGE: He's coming back. CRISTINA: Oh yes he is! Mhmm, give me my money! (Meredith sees Derek approaching.) MEREDITH: Oh God. I'm so sorry about this. FINN: What? (Derek reaches their table.) DEREK: Hi. You having lunch? MEREDITH: In fact we are. DEREK: Oh, it looks good. You know I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm doing a corpus callosotomy.I thought you might like to scrub in. MEREDITH: Are you serious? When? FINN: I'm gonna guess now. DEREK: Look if you're busy don't bother, but it's nothing something that happens every day. MEREDITH (to Finn): He's cutting a man's brain in half. I'm sorry. I'm an intern and... I have a lot to learn. FINN: Apparently so do I. It's OK. (Meredith stands up.) MEREDIH: I'll call you tonight. DEREK: Oh you're busy tonight. She has a date. MEREDITH: I'm sorry Finn. FINN: It's OK. Go. DEREK: Take care. (Derek and Meredith walk away. Cristina and Alex start laughing.) ALEX: I think I owe you another. CRISTINA: Yeah I think you do! EXT. OUTSIDE OF SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Izzie is still standing in front of the hospital entrance. Burke, arm in a sling, walks over to her from the parking lot.) BURKE: Coming or going? IZZIE: I don't know. BURKE: Me neither. INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek and Meredith are walking down a hallway.) MEREDITH: That was brilliant, really. DEREK: I thought so, yes. MEREDITH: Well it wasn't because now I owe Finn another date. DEREK: That's OK, he needs all the help he can get. This isn't gonna be easy for him. MEREDITH: Oh, you think he can't take the heat? DEREK: I think he's out of his league. But you gotta hand it to the guy for trying. (They arrive at Taylor Tressel's room.) DEREK: This is Mr Tressel. Prep him. MEREDITH: I thought you said we were operating. DEREK: We operate at four. I'm not just gonna slide you into the OR. You gotta work a little too, right? INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL (Cristina walks past Richard's office and sees him talking to Burke. She smiles, and keeps walking.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CT SCAN ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL (Alex is getting Megan ready for a CT scan.) MEGAN: How much is this gonna cost my parents? ALEX: That's not something you need to be worrying about. (Alex lifts Megan onto the scanner.) MEGAN: But this is so stupid. I'm fine. (To a nurse) Hey! Punch me in the stomach, right here. ALEX: Stop telling people to punch you in the stomach. You need to lie down and not move. Whichof your superfriends can do that? (Bailey is behind the computer monitors on the other side of the room. Addison enters the room and walks over to her.) ADDISON: Hey Miranda. You needed a consult? BAILEY: Yeah. Just waiting for a picture. (Pause.) Haven't seen you since you were sucking down Martini's at Joe's. ADDISON: Uh, yeah, that was just... I'm over him now. BAILEY: Good. ADDISON: We talked about... BAILEY: A lot of things. ADDISON: I remember... BAILEY: None of them. ADDISON: Is that for the best? BAILEY: I think so. (Alex walks over to Bailey and Addison.) BAILEY: She came in for sutures, but she's a walking accident and has got an off the charts pain threshold. I'm thinking... ADDISON: Chronic insensitivity to pain, yeah. I've seen it in babies. It's often diagnosed young. But if she's been bounced around in the foster care system... (An image appears on the computer monitors.) ALEX: Doctor Bailey, what the hell is that? INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Burke leaves Richard's office and walks down the hallway. George is walking in the other direction.) GEORGE: Doctor Burke! BURKE: Oh O'Malley, how are you? GEORGE: Good, how's your arm? BURKE: Good, good. Slow, you know... GEORGE: Yeah. Well, uh, we all miss you round here. You're missed. (They both turn walk away. Burke calls back to George.) BURKE: Oh, O'Malley. (George turns around.) Stevens is standing outside the hospital. (Burke walks away.) INT. OPERATING ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek is operating on Taylor Tressel.) DEREK: I am retracting the right hemisphere. What do we want to avoid? Grey? MEREDITH: We want to avoid retractors on the sagital sinus. DEERK: That's right. Why? CRISTINA: To prevent sinus thrombosis. DEREK: Excellent. I saw Doctor Burke today. He looked good. CRISTINA: Yeah, he's great. He was, uh, meeting with the Chief. DEREK: Working out the leave? CRISTINA: The what? DEREK: His leave of absence. CRISTINA (a whisper): His what? EXT. OUTSIDE OF SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (George walks over to Izzie.) GEORGE: You've been standing out here for a while. (Izzie points a couple of metres to her left.) IZZIE: For a while I stoop over there. GEORGE: Maybe you should sit down. IZZIE: I don't wanna sit down. GEORGE (firmly): Maybe you should sit down anyway. IZZIE: Go inside George. GEORGE: Izzie, seriously... IZZIE: I hate the bride thing. I hate the pictures in the magazines of the girl with the veil and the flowers that she's sniffing. Like it never occurred to her to stick her nose in there until there was a camera pointed at her. I hate the idea of bridesmaids, and the colors, and does the bustle make my ass look bigger or smaller? I hate the whole thing. And I never wanted to be that girl. That girl is stupid. And shallow. Why the hell are that girl's thoughts running through my head? GEORGE: Izzie... (George pulls on Izzie's arm. She pushes him away.) IZZIE: I'm going to do it George. I'm going to walk through those doors. I just need to make sure that when I'm standing in front of the chief of surgery I am not thinking about my wedding dress. And that's gonna take another minute. INT. JASPER HOVIE'S ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (George is standing by Jasper's bed, reading him a consent form.) GEORGE: Now with surgeries of this kind there's always risk of infection if the bone is... JASPER: Bla bla bla. I could die on the table. Where do I sign? GEORGE: I think we should talk through the rest of this consent form first. JASPER: Fourth surgery in a year. I know the routine. When I come back in for my hip, you can give me the speech in French. GEORGE: You're having hip surgery? JASPER: In the fall. After Patagonia. GEORGE: Do you still want to meet your guy? INT. PATIENT ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Bailey and Addison are talking to Megan's parents.) BAILEY: Megan's bleeding internally. MR CLOVER: What? BAILEY: It appears there's some severe trauma to her abdomen. MR CLOVER: You're trying to ask us if we hit her. We've said ten times in ten different ways... BAILEY: Social services cleared you and I'm sorry that we suggested you were mistreating her. But she's hurt pretty badly so we're gonna need to operate. MRS CLOVER: Oh my God... ADDISON: Megan may have a chromosomal condition that causes her to not feel any pain when she's injured. It would explain why she gets hurt so often. BAILEY: We need to do some genetic testing before we can be sure, but let's assume she'll need to be monitored very closely from now on. (Alex enters the room.) ALEX: We got OR Three. MRS CLOVER: So surgery is the only option? BAILEY: I think it is. I know you've been put through the wringer already today, but I need to ask you to trust me on this one. ALEX: Where is she? Where's Megan? (They all look over to the wheelchair where Megan was sitting. It's empty.) INT. PATIENT ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Cristina steps out of the elevator and walks into Burke.) CRISTINA: Hey. A leave of absence? BURKE: Yeah, I'm on my way home. Just making some notes for the chief so he can reassign my open cases. CRISTINA: Because you're taking a leave of absence? OK that's like, what, a week? BURKE: It takes as long as it takes. CRISTINA: Well it's not gonna take that long. You're already three weeks into PT already, so... BURKE: Oh come on. Recovery from brachioplastic surgery is measured in months Cristina, years. Not weeks. The surgery's considered a success when the patients flex the elbow. Some patients never move their shoulder again. Some don't recover sensation, they don't recover dexterity, they simply don't recover. CRISTINA: Yes, but you're not one of those. BURKE: Really? Says who? (Burke walks away.) INT. MORGUE - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (A body is lying on a gurney in the middle of the room. George and Jasper enter.) JASPER: That's my guy? GEORGE: No that's not him. That's someone else we lost last night. Came in for a lipo. Died on the table... complications. JASPER: Didn't know they did liposuction on men. GEORGE: People do a lot of stuff they don't need. And, you know, the older you get... (George brings out another body.) Here he is. (He pulls back the sheet covering the dead man's head. He is an old man, with grey hair.) That's your guy. JASPER: Well that can't be my guy. He's really old. Bones are probably brittle. What are they doing using a guy that old as my donor? GEORGE: He's two years younger than you are. INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Callie is looking at the whiteboard.) CALLIE: What the hell happened to my ankle allograph? I had OR Two at three. Anybody wanna tell me where it went? NURSE: It was cancelled. The goy went home. CALLIE: Why the hell would he do that? (George walks into the hallway. Angrily) Hey! (Bailey runs into the hallway.) BAILEY: O'Malley! We've lost supergirl and she's bleeding into her abdomen. Start looking in corners! INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek and Meredith are leaving an OR.) MEREDITH: Do you think you cut enough of the fibres out or are you going to have to go back in? DEREK: We'll see if the seizures are under control. If not we'll go back in for the last few. MEREDITH: Well do I get to scrub in on that too, or only if I'm in the middle of a date with somebody else? DEREK: I wouldn't consider a meal in the cafeteria a date. MEREDITH: Don't denigrate the competition. (Addison sees Derek and Meredith talking from a distance. She walks away.) DEREK: I have nothing but respect for Finn, who has the courage to woo a woman with a tuna salad. Keep an eye on Taylor. If there's a problem page me. I'll see you in the lobby at eight. (Alex shouts over to Meredith.) ALEX: Hey Grey! I lost a kid. Help me look for her before she bleeds out in one of our bathrooms. MEGAN: What's her name? INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex and George are searching for Megan.) ALEX: Megan! GEORGE: It's not easy. If you think you're a superhero, you're not gonna let someone come at you with a knife. There's no way to tell what it can do to your powers. I mean, you take away Green Lantern's ring, Hal Jordan is still a hero but it creates a crisis of confidence when... ALEX: Come on Megan! GEORGE: ...you've worked hard to hone your strengths. Look at, uh, Batman. Robin just marches into the Batcave and he says, you know, "Here I am. I'm gonna live here too. Give me some tights and I'm taking your towel." I mean Batman, he fought for his powers, you know? He honed his strength... ALEX: Dude, you don't stop this I'm gonna punch you in the face. (Callie marches over to George and Alex, obviously angry.) CALLIE (angrily): O'Malley! ALEX: Good luck with that... (Alex walks away.) CALLIE: I arranged for you to see an incredibly cool surgery and you talk my patient out of it? GEORGE: No, I didn't. CALLIE: You asked me what I thought. You didn't like what I said so you went behind my back! Jasper's gone. He cancelled the surgery! GEORGE: I expressed an opinion. I suggested that, you know, not everything has to go at warp speed. It is all warp speed with you! It is all... You know, you ankle hurts, lets cut it off! CALLIE: You intimidated my patient. You got a problem, you bring it to me. GEORGE: I'm not ready for us to move in together! CALLIE (dry): And if you weren't a toddler, if you could use your words, then maybe you could have said that the first four times I asked you. And then I would have said "Oh that's funny, me neither. I'm looking for a place. I'll be out in a week." GEORGE: Really? Because remember you... CALLIE: George, save it. I'll be out in an hour. (Callie walks away.) INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith is looking for Megan.) MEREDITH: Megan! Megan? (She opens the door to a supply closet. Inside, Addison is sitting on the floor, crying.) MEREDITH: Oh, hi. ADDISON: Weren't you just up on three? MEREDITH: I was. We lost a patient, a little girl, and I was just... ADDISON (exasperated, in tears): Look why don't you just pick a floor and stay on it, and I'll pick a floor and stay on that, because I really need a moment or two without you. Your face shows up in my head, your panties show up in my husband's pocket. Really you're everywhere, and I need a moment or two without you. MEREDITH: I get that. ADDISON: Thanks. (Meredith walks out and closes the door behind her.) INT. HALLWAY - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex is still searching for Megan.) ALEX: Megan? Come on, enough already. (Alex spots something moving under a gurney. He looks under it and sees Megan.) ALEX: We've got half the hospital looking for you. Your powers of invisibility are well intact. Get up! (Alex lifts Megan to her feet.) MEGAN: You're a hosebag, you know that? ALEX: And you have a potty mouth. MEGAN: Nobody's cutting me open. ALEX: Hey! It's surgery, we do it al the time. In fact, it's all we do. MEGAN: You can't keep telling my foster parents I'm defective. They can't afford surgery, it's too expensive. (Alex lifts Megan into a wheelchair.) ALEX: They can handle it. MEGAN: They'll send me back. ALEX: Dude, that's stupid. They've got their own personal superhero. Nobody sends back a superhero. MEGAN: I thought you said I didn't have superpowers. ALEX: Yeah well you don't, but take away Green Lantern's ring, the guy's still a hero. Right? INT. TAYLOR TRESSEL'S ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Taylor is recovering from surgery. Derek is checking everything's OK.) DEREK: OK, close your eyes. Squeeze them tight. Good, OK, can you squeeze my fingers? (Taylor squeezes Derek's fingers.) Fantastic. Let's wiggle you toes for me please. Very good! Very good. (to Leanne) Flying colors. LEANNE: He's always tested well. TAYLOR: I kicked ass on the... what's it called? LEANNE: The SATs. DEREK: Now can you tell me, what is this? (Derek shows Taylor a pink plastic mug. Pause.) LEANNE: Honey? DERKE: Take your time. LEANNE: Honey what's that called? It's right in front of you. (Pause.) CRISTINA (pointing to the mug): Can you see this here? TAYLOR: I can see it, I just can't think of the... DEREK: That's alright, it's OK. Take your time. See sometimes the names of things are tough. So try again. (Leanne stands up.) LEANNE: What's my name? TAYLOR: I can't... LEANNE (showing Taylor the baby): What's his name? TAYLOR: I... I know what it is, I... I just... LEANNE (frantic): What's his name? DEREK: Leanne, let's just give him a moment. (Pause.) LEANNE: What's his name? TAYLOR: I... INT. OUTSIDE OF TAYLOR TRESSEL'S ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek, Cristina and Leanne are standing outside of Taylor's room.) LEANNE: He named the baby. He named him after his father. How do you not know the name of your own baby? DEREK: He knows who the baby is. See the right side of the brain senses the emotional connection to the baby, it just can't communicate to the left brain, where the words are formed. The pathway to the two sides has been compromised. He needs to make new pathways. LEANNE: How long is that gonna take? DEREK: Well he'll get there. Recovery's hard work. It's a learning process, you need to be patient. (Shot of Cristina, deep in thought.) You need to help him. He can't do this without your support. INT. OPERATING ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Bailey is operating on Megan. Alex is assisting her.) ALEX: Man, she wasn't kidding about the baseball bat. BAILEY: We need more lat pads. Just keep'em coming. ALEX: Are your going to reset the liver? BAILEY: We need to try and do a debrievement. Look at this. Everybody wants a life without pain. What does it get you? She needs to be on a poster somewhere. To remind people pain's there for a reason. (Cut to: Megan is lying in her room, recovering from surgery, her parents standing over her. Alex watches through the window.) INT. OPERATING ROOM - SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Alex walks up to Bailey.) ALEX: Megan's stable. I ordered a Repute H and H in two hours. (Bailey is looking out of the window to the hospital entrance.) BAILEY: She been out there all day? (We see Izzie standing in front of the hospital entrance. Bailey and Alex look at each other.) EXT. MEREDITH'S HOUSE [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith and Derek walk up to the front door of the house.) MEREDITH: Dinner was good. DEREK: Dinner was excellent. MEREDITH: Are you coming in? DEREK: I don't know. Am I? MEREDITH: Well you could come in for a drink, or a... coffee. I owe you one from this morning. DEREK: Yeah you do. (Finn appears in the front garden.) FINN: Hi! DEREK: Finn... FINN: I didn't think you guys would be here. I just wanted to drop this off: strawberry ice cream. A patient made it for me. DEREK: A patient's owner. FINN: It's made from scratch. Real strawberries. MEREDITH: I love strawberry ice cream. DEREK: And he remembered... FINN: I did! I just thought I'd leave it by the door. DEREK: You didn't think it would melt? FINN: Well, you take your chances. DEREK: Worked out for you. FINN: Mhmm. MEREDITH: What exactly is going on here? DEREK: He's crashing our date. FINN: Where do you think I got that idea? DEREK: I didn't crash your date, it was professional. FINN: You can't operate without her? DEREK: I certainly operate well with her. MEREDITH: Enough! This is not dating. I want moonlight, and flowers, and candy, and people trying to feel me up. Nobody is trying to feel me up. Nobody is even looking at me! I'm an intern. Do the two of you have any idea how much effort it takes to do all this? (She motions to her body.) I'm waxed, and plucked, and I have a clean top on. (Shouting) And the two of you are looking at each other. DEREK: Meredith, it's... MEREDITH: No! My fantasy is not two men looking at each other. FINN: We didn't... MEREDITH: No talking until on of you figures out how to put on a date! I want heat, I want romance, damn it I wanna feel like a freakin' lady! (Meredith walks into the house and slams the door behind her. Pause. She opens the door, takes the ice cream from Finn and slams the door again.) MEREDITH (V.O.): The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good. INT. HOTEL [SCENE_BREAK] (Addison walks into a hotel lobby.) ADDISON: Hi, I'm in room twenty two something... 2214. If anyone calls, I'm not here. PORTER: Yes ma'am. (Addison walks away. Callie walks into the hotel lobby.) MEREDITH (V.O.): And twice as much pleasure is better. CALLIE: Hi. Checking in please. PORTER: Certainly. Room for... CALLIE: One. MEREDITH (V.O.): That pain is bad. (Richard walks into the hotel lobby.) RICHARD: Room 1817. Any messages? MEREDITH (V.O.): And no pain is better. (Mark walks into the hotel lobby.) MARK: Checking in please. Room for one. (Smirking) Somewhere on the twenty second floor if you've got it. PORTER: I'll take a look. (Richard spots Mark.) RICHARD: Doctor Sloane? MARK: Doctor Webber! RICHARD: What are you doing in Seattle? MARK: I don't know. I have a thing for ferry boats. MEREDITH (V.O.): But the reality is different. INT. BURKE'S APARTMENT [SCENE_BREAK] (Cristina opens the door to the apartment. Burke is sat at the table, reading a book. She pulls several frozen chickens out of her shopping bag.) BURKE: You cooking for me? CRISTINA: I am not. You can take a leave of absence if you want to, but you're not going to sit on your ass all day. You're gonna work hard, you're gonna get every bit of your strength and dexterity back. BURKE: Really? How? (Cristina grabs a butcher's knife and slices one of the chickens in two. She then throws Burke a bag containing a scalpel and other surgical instruments.) CRISTINA: Put it back together. MEREDITH (V.O.): The reality is that pain is there to tell us something. EXT. OUTSIDE OF SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL [SCENE_BREAK] (Izzie is still standing in front of the hospital entrance. Alex walks over to her and puts a coat around her shoulders.) ALEX: Iz... IZZIE: I'll do it. ALEX: Izzie... IZZIE: I can do it, Alex. I know I can. ALEX: Does it hurt? IZZIE: Yeah. ALEX: Where does it hurt? IZZIE: Everywhere. ALEX: Maybe it hurts for a reason. Come on, let's go. (Alex leads Izzie back to the parking lot.) EXT. MEREDITH'S HOUSE - MEREDITH'S ROOM [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith is sitting on her bed, eating her ice cream.) MEREDITH (V.O.): And there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. And maybe that's OK. (Izzie appears at the door.) MEREDITH: Hey! IZZIE: I didn't go in today. MEREDITH: Maybe tomorrow. (Izzie sits down next to Meredith. George appears at the door.) MEREDITH: Hey George. GEORGE: Callie moved out, which is a relief. (Unconvincingly) Oh, I'm so relieved. (Izzie motions for George to eat ice cream with them.) IZZIE: It's strawberry. (George sits down on the bed and eats some ice cream.) GEORGE: It's good. (He hands the tub and spoon back to Izzie.) IZZIE: You left spit on the spoon. GEORGE: No I didn't. IZZIE: You did a little. (George puts the spoon back into his mouth and pulls a face. They all laugh.) MEREDITH (V.O.): Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.

Cristina is determined to help Burke overcome his hand tremor and get back into the operating room. Izzie attempts to return to the hospital for the first time since she left the program, but ends up standing in front of the hospital all day, unable to go in and confront Webber. Alex treats a young patient who has a long history of injuries, leading him to suspect abuse. It is discovered that she can't feel pain which makes her believe she is a super hero. Derek and Cristina treat a man who elects to have brain surgery so he is able to look after his child. George gets annoyed at Callie after she moves in with him, resulting in them arguing over a patient. Meredith gets annoyed as both Derek and Finn interrupt the other as they are dating her. Mark is determined to get back together with Addison, but she continuously refuses him.

fd_The_O.C._01x11

fd_The_O.C._01x11_0

Opening scene - The Cohen's kitchen. Sandy, Kirsten, Seth & Ryan are in there, and there is food everywhere! Kirsten is looking at recipes which Seth isn't happy about, lol Seth: (to Kirsten) mom-mom no-no recipes, put them away! Kirsten: (ignoring him) this is Ryan's first thanksgiving in the house and we're gonna make this meal as a family Seth: (following her) ah-ha ok seriously where's Rosa Kirsten: no Rosa, just us. I for one-am ready-for this challenge Seth: dad the take out menus Kirsten: Sandy! Sandy: (sighs) you sure you wanna do this honey Seth: mom no (desperate) NO we're not ruining thanksgiving Kirsten: who said we are? Seth: I wait for this event every year mom, please thanksgiving is my favourite it's my favourite holiday, everyone knows this Ryan: my...family was never really into the holidays Kirsten: all the more reason to make this special... (unsure) are there pans, are there any pans anywhere Sandy: not inspiring alotta confidence darling Seth: do you know what I dream about when I dream about thanksgiving which is-which is often (dramatic) I dream about eating SO much deliciousness that all the blood rushes to my stomach and I pass out at the table (hits the table) please don't deny me that! Ryan: (looks at him) that's just weird Kirsten: (with a pot in her hand) well I guess we should start with the turkey...uh...um (unsure) do I...uh (grabs the turkeys legs and lifts it) Sandy: (to Seth) aww that's just how she held you as a baby Kirsten: (looks at him) Sandy! um I guess we should just um start...basting? (Seth gives Sandy a 'do something' look) Sandy: I'll tell you what, I'll baste Seth: that's a good idea Kirsten: well, are you-are you sure Sandy: (pushing her out of the way) oh I love to baste you know that Kirsten: ok well next up is cranberries Ryan: (panics) uhhh I got it, big fan of the cranberry Kirsten: well then, I'll peel the potatoes Seth: (panics) no I've got it there's few things as therapeutic (bumping her out of the way) as peeling a potato, I'm sorry Kirsten: (lost) so, what am I suppose to do? Sandy: set the table! Seth: yeah setting the tables important (phone rings) Kirsten: how bout I get the phone Seth: or you can answer the phone, its not gonna answer itself Sandy: you own the phone Kirsten: (picks up) hello...yeah I'll accept the charges...uh yeah he's uh he's right here, hol-hold on a second, uh Ryan it's your brother (Sandy, Seth & Ryan all look suprised) Ryan: (looks up) (takes the phone) I'm just gunoo ah (walks out of the kitchen) Seth: ok Kirsten: (whispers) he's uh-he's calling from jail Sandy: well he's gonna be there for a while he's got an impressive record Seth: hey did you ever meet him? Sandy: (shakes head) no Kirsten: it's just that I've gotten use to Ryan in the family, you jus you kinda forget that he has one of his own CUT TO: Ryan sitting on the stairs, talking on the phone Ryan: (sighs) hey bro...good you? what today its-its thanksgiving Trey...no yeah I know its ben a long time its jus... (sorry can't get this bit)... (sighs) ok...nah I wanna see you too...its ben - too long so...you too, bye (Ryan hangs up and goes back in the kitchen) Sandy: how's Trey Ryan: ok...he was hoping I could visit him (Seth looks up) holidays, he doesn't wanna be alone Sandy: oh, can you blame him? Kirsten: so are you uh...are you gonna go? Ryan: well it's only an hour away um I could help out here, go down be back by dinner Sandy: well great, that'll be great...get to see your brother (Ryan sort of smiles, he looks unsure) Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Still in the Cohen kitchen, but now its just Seth & Ryan by themselves Seth: (frowning) people actually make stuffing Ryan: what'd you think? Seth: I didn't...so you should probably be headin out soon Ryan: uh I gotta finish the stuffing, then there's the gravy and the candied yams Seth: yeah and if you find enough cooking to last three to five years then Trey'll be out Ryan: (sighs) he's just gonna want something from me favor, money Seth: hey maybe not though maybe he just wants to see his family on thanksgiving Ryan: (half laughs) you don't know Trey Seth: I know we never talk about him Ryan: well not alot to talk about Seth: well...he's your brother (Ryan looks at him) but if you want I'll-I'll go with you I'd like to meet him Ryan: nah you wouldn't Seth: well legally, Ryan we're all like brothers now so I-I Ryan: well someone's gonna have to keep your mom away from the food (raises his eyebrows)...besides you've got Anna coming over Seth: yes I do (smiles) CUT TO: Kirsten & Sandy out the back, Sandy appears to be cooking on the grill Kirsten: you think Ryan's ok? Sandy: I think he'll be ok...I mean he needs to do this Kirsten: ok (getting down from the bench) let me get in there do some flipping (grabs the tongs) Sandy: oh, oh no honey honey (using his arm to stop her getting close) Seth really likes corn Kirsten: how do you expect me to get better? Sandy: I don't I-I'm sorry but the boys an I made a pact Kirsten: (suprised) a pact? Sandy: a solemn promise Kirsten: when! Sandy: you were in the bathroom (Kirsten is shocked) look I am all for you expanding your horizons but not today we have guest who-who-who expect that food'll actually be served Kirsten: speaking of which, did you tell Rachel about Jimmy? Sandy: no did you tell Jimmy about Rachel Kirsten: no he's freaked out enough (sighs) first thanksgiving without his wife Sandy: well I bet he'll have less indigestion this year, unlike your father who will probably be in agony Kirsten: (laughs) I can't believe he is having thanksgiving with Julie Cooper (slightly hurt) cause he's never had it with us Sandy: uh no complaint here (Seth comes to the back door & sees Kirsten near the grill) Seth: mom come on, your uncomfortably close to the corn right now, please can we back up a little bit (Kirsten looks at him, Sandy laughs) CUT TO: Jimmy's house. Marissa & Jimmy are there Marissa: I should've just gone with Caitlyn to grandmas...cause I really don't wanna go to moms Jimmy: I know kiddo but just for an hour Marissa: why do we have to spend thanksgiving with him...he's creepy Jimmy: (sighs) Caleb's not creepy he's just (Marissa raises her eyebrows) he's just (and again) hmm scary Marissa: he's dating mom! Jimmy: I'm-I'm-I'm I'm well aware Marissa: well isn't that weird for you Jimmy: look your mom is...shes-shes movin on, but you know what I got news for ya so's your dad Marissa: (big smile) really? Jimmy: well not exactly I mean y'know there's the fraud charges and the whole (sigh) bankruptcy thing an I don't even have a job so I'm not exactly a catch but uh...feel free to disagree (Marissa looks at him) look I know its weird alright, but your mom is still...your mom...she loves you Marissa: (gives him a 'please' look) mm-hmm...come on (walks out) CUT TO: Seth in his room, Ryan comes in Ryan: hey, I've gotta get on the road Seth: (going through a drawer) alright just give me one sec Ryan: Trey doesn't even read comics Seth: (closing the drawer and standing) yeah he doesn't yet but that's because he hasn't seen the new Titans (hands it to Ryan) Ryan: (looking) Titans? (holds it out to Seth) what about Legion that was kinda cooler Seth: the guy is in prison man have you seen Oz I'm sure that'll be fine (Ryan still holding the comic out) but yeah the new Legion is cooler (Ryan walks over to Seth's drawers and picks up what looks like perfume. he sprays it in the air several times & coughs) Seth: hey-hey-hey-hey (hits him with the comic) easy on my adieu toilette please Ryan: (puts it back) since when did you start wearin cologne Seth: (fake offence) I'm-I'm-I'm sorry for tryin'a step it up a notch (Ryan looks at him) since today Ryan: oh right cause Anna's coming over Seth: what...(defensive) uh...no why would you I mean why would you even wear you-I-I-I-I Anna are you totally uh uh I don't even I don't I couldn't no (shakes his head) Ryan: (smiling) you like her Seth: no what makes you even think that Ryan: what's the problem she's cool, she's into you Seth: (giving in) ok I need t-I need to ask your advice on something but you have to promise me ok you have to promise me that you will not tell anybody ok Ryan: (puts his hand up) promise Seth: promise Ryan: promise! Seth: the other night on my grandfathers yacht Summer attacked me with her lips (Ryan is suprised) and she swore if I told anyone she would kill me, and she's got a interesting take on romance Ryan: yeah Seth: yeah so the first sixteen years of my life I have no woman, now I have two Ryan: (sarcastically) yeah yeah I feel really bad for you Seth: oh, hey thanks buddy Ryan: no seriously man tough, tough problem to have (smirking) Seth: I liked it so much better when you had no sense of humour (Ryan makes a 'yeah I bet you did' face then leaves. door bell) CUT TO: Kirsten & Sandy answering the door. Jimmy & Marissa are there Kirsten: (smiling) happy thanksgiving Marissa: hi (hugs Kirsten) Sandy: welcome Kirsten: good to see you Sandy: (to Marissa) hey Marissa: hey (kisses him on the cheek and hugs him) Sandy: happy thanksgiving Kirsten: (to Jimmy) hey Jimmy: (kisses her on the cheek) how are you? Marissa: (walks over to Ryan) hey, just wanted to stop by before I went to my moms (smiling) see if you wanted to talk Ryan: (smiles) your pool house or mine (they leave) Jimmy: it's a twist off so that's classy right (referring to the bottle of wine Sandy has) Sandy: ooh you've outdone yourself Jimmy: oh yeah (laughs) so thanksgiving, big day, excited? Kirsten: yeah, yeah...new shirt? Jimmy: (looks down) uh, I guess Sandy: yeah it's uh, it's a tuck in Jimmy: apparently (confused) Kirsten: and you wore your hair like uh...like this (points) Jimmy uh w-w yeah I mean I wasn't aware that I, do I wear my hair any way, I mean...what uh, what's goin on? uh isn't uh, it's just us right? Sandy: hey I'm a fan of the tuck in (walks off) Kirsten: and your hair looks good (walks off) (Jimmy stands there puzzled) CUT TO: the pool house - Ryan & Marissa are making out on his bed Marissa: mmm I gotta go...my moms waiting Ryan: ok Marissa: I'll be back in like an hour (sitting up) Ryan: (sitting up) great, I should be back by 8 Marissa: where are you going? Ryan: (sigh) to see my brother Marissa: oh I thought he was in- Ryan: he is...but he called, wants me to drive down to visit him Marissa: you want company? Ryan: no its ok...you don't want to uh Marissa: no I wanna see where you're from, where you lived Ryan: you should be with your mom Marissa: I feel like you have this whole life I don't know anything about Ryan: its better that way Marissa: no, its not Ryan: (turning round) YES, it is... (moving over to her)... look its, its not my life anymore so what does it matter right (Marissa half smiles, he kisses her then Marissa leaves, Ryan smiles then it goes and he looks worried) CUT TO: door bell - Kirsten & Sandy answer the door. It's Rachel Sandy: Rachel! Rachel: hi, happy thanksgiving (kisses him on the cheek and gives him a bottle of wine) Sandy: happy thanksgiving, thankyou Kirsten: that is so sweet Rachel: oh sure (Kirsten and Rachel both aren't sure whether to hug, they both go to a few times, then finally do it) Rachel: hi Kirsten: hi, thanks for coming Rachel: sure (they all go into the living room) well (looking around) so this is the uh the-the the summer cottage the for weekend get-aways Sandy: ah that means nice house in Rachel (Jimmy walks in) Rachel: hi Jimmy: hi uh um I'm Jimmy we met Rachel: (smiles) yeah La Roga Jimmy: (smiles) right Sandy: right, great Jimmy Rachel, hey why don't you both have a seat Rachel: ok uh-hm (the 4 of them look at each other for a few seconds not saying anything) Kirsten: ok well uh I have ta...check on something in the kitchen Sandy: as do I (they both rush out) (Rachel & Jimmy look at each other and laugh) CUT TO: Sandy & Kirsten in the kitchen, Seth is cooking Sandy: we suck Kirsten: (whispers) that was not very smooth Sandy: I told you this was a bad idea Kirsten: no you didn't! Seth: I don't wanna know, don't care Ryan: (walking in) ok, so I'm gonna take off Sandy: hey (handing Ryan his mobile) just incase why don't ya take this (Ryan takes it) are you alright? Ryan: yeah, yeah (half smiles) Kirsten: (concerned) do you want anyone to go with you? Ryan: no no I'm ok Kirsten: ok ah well um you should take the keys (hands them to him) and uh I have a little something for Trey (goes to the fridge) (holds out a pie, Ryan raises his eyebrows) don't worry its store bought Ryan: (smiles) thanks Seth: hey later on buddy (hugs him) Ryan: bye...ooooh Seth: what, too much? Ryan: oooh oooh ooooh (makes a face) Seth: seriously did I did I put too much on (Ryan smirks at him as if to say 'just messin' and leaves) Seth: so did you guys hear that Ryan's funny now ha ha CUT TO: front door - Ryan comes out and walks to the car to get in, Marissa is sitting in the passenger seat. Marissa smiles at him Ryan: what're you doing? Marissa: (matter of factly) I'm coming with you (Ryan looks at her) my mom said it was ok Ryan: (skeptical) she did Marisa: (putting on her belt) yeah well she's tryin'a stay on my good side these days Ryan: uh I don't know Marisa: (smiles) I do (motions with her head for him to get in) (Ryan thinks, then gets in and hands the pie to Marissa) Ryan: thanks (Marissa is smiling and they drive off down the road) CUT TO: the prison - Ryan and Marissa are walking up to the gate to get into the visitors yard. They walk over to Trey who is stilling by himself at a table. Ryan puts the pie down Trey: (stands up) hey little brother Ryan: hey...uh this is Marissa (Marissa smiles) Trey: it's good to see you man (hugs him) Marissa: uh you know what you guys talk I'll uh I'll just be over here (she sits down at the table next to them) (Ryan and Trey both sit down) Trey: look at you man Ryan: sorry I haven't come by to see you Trey: you've ben busy, mom said you'd done pretty good for yourself Ryan: how you ben? Trey: (shrugs) you know...not so good Ryan: (looks at him) what'd you need Trey: don't say it like that man, can't a guy just see his brother on thanksgiving Ryan: (moving his head) you tell me Trey: hey forget about it alright...I didn't wanna have to call you but (sighs) I'm in trouble...when we got arrested I owed some people alotta money - money that I lost like six grand Ryan: (shocked) how'd you lose six grand? Trey: your an Atwood bro, you know our luck...the people that I owe it to...they got friends in here who like to remind me about it...its only gonna get worse Ryan: I don't have that kinda money Trey: I'm not askin you for de money Ryan: so what are you askin me for? CUT TO: Ryan & Marissa back in the car Marissa: (worried) you can't tell me where we're going? Ryan: bus station, you're goin home Marissa: what? Ryan! Ryan: I have to pick up a stolen car ok that I have to drop off at some chop shop to pay back a debt Marissa: (shocked) a stolen car Ryan: now you know why you're not comin Marissa: (scared) but if you get caught then y- Ryan: he's my brother...if I don't do this...I've got no choice ok Marissa: (looking at him) me either, I'm not leaving you CUT TO: Kirsten & Sandy in the kitchen Kirsten: (excited) can you believe Seth has a girl coming over (laughs) Sandy: (laughs) I know Anna: (walking in with Seth) how can I help? Kirsten: hi Sandy: you must be Anna, Sandy Cohen (shakes her hand) Anna: nice to meet you Kirsten: uh we're doing fine we're just uh working away Seth: ok if by we you're referring to yourself then (looks at Sandy) somebody violated the pact (Sandy puts his hands out in defense) Kirsten: I am merely opening the wine a skill I feel very confident about Seth: no argument here Sandy: so Anna what's the deal Anna: huh Sandy: your parents don't believe in celebrating the genocide of the American Indian Anna: hardly, they went back to Pittsburgh to have dinner with the rest of the clan Kirsten: oh you didn't wanna go? Anna: ahh nooo it's kinda challenging to sit at a table with the Sterns of Pittsburgh and still have an appetite...its sort of an anathema to the whole spirit of thanksgiving (Sandy mouths something to Seth and makes a motion like' she's a keeper') Anna: (with a box of cornflakes) yes! Seth: hey sweet potatoes an uh marshmallows an cornflakes suddenly-suddenly not so hungry Anna: well then all you'll be eating are your words (Seth smiles, Kirsten smiles, Seth makes a 'what' face to her, then Sandy pats him on the back. Kirsten & Sandy walk out) Anna: Seth a little help please? (Seth goes over and helps, Anna is busy with the food and Seth keeps just staring at Anna and smiling - awww) CUT TO: Sandy out by the grill with Rachel Rachel: your tryin'a set me up with Jimmy Cooper Sandy: oh that's crazy Rachel: yes it is, the man is a white collar criminal Sandy: but a nice one Rachel: how desperate do you think I am? (Sandy looks at her) don't answer that Sandy: look, Jimmy's a good guy Rachel: he's a thief! Sandy: and you're a lawyer it's a perfect match Rachel: (nodding) hmm you don't wanna deal-with what's goin on between us Sandy: there is nothing going on between us you know that we're co-workers we're friends that's it, Jimmy is cool he's funny, he's attractive Rachel: its not happenin Sandy (drinks her drink and looks at him) CUT TO: Kirsten & Jimmy in the dining room Jimmy: ok...admit it Kirsten: admit what Jimmy: this whole thing is a-is a set up Kirsten: (ignoring him) should I use orange candles or brown candles? Jimmy: (laughs) jus say it! (Kirsten looks guilty but doesn't say anything) CUT TO: Rachel walking into the living room where Jimmy is watching the game Rachel: hey Jimmy: hey... (makes room for her) uh-hm Rachel: umm (bites her lip) Jimmy: yeah I-I- I didn't know about the uh y'know the Rachel: oh me neither Jimmy: kay I just wanted ta...wanted to make that Rachel: good Jimmy: clear Rachel: good Jimmy: kay Rachel: ok Jimmy: (referring to the game) oh c'mon break that tackle baby Rachel: ooh Jimmy: yes! Rachel: (sitting) no kill him kill him Jimmy: oh Rachel: hit him Jimmy: good go Rachel: hit him Jimmy: all-the waaaaay (raises his arms in the air) whooooo Rachel: (disappointed) man Jimmy: (smiling) huh Rachel: dolphins fan Jimmy: huge, what're you, you're a cowboys fan? Rachel: obsessed Jimmy: oh Rachel: mmhmm Jimmy: we've got a game here Rachel: yeah we do (Jimmy laughs and looks at Rachel) CUT TO: Sandy & Kirsten coming inside, they walk passed the kitchen and watch Seth & Anna together Anna: (couldn't catch the first bit, sorry!) your taste? Seth: not at all Anna: (holding out a spoon of food) why not Seth: no cause its Anna: (smelling) it's really good Seth: its two week old gravy Anna: (laughs) its not it's diluted (Kirsten and Sandy look at each other, then look over and watch Jimmy & Rachel together) Jimmy: do you ever watch um ESPN classics? Rachel: oh my god I love ESPN classics, something about it you know it's so-so Jimmy & Rachel: soothing Jimmy: yes Rachel: yeah Jimmy: (smiling) it's totally soothing Rachel: (smiling) totally Jimmy: I don't know what that is (Kirsten and Sandy toast each other, pleased at their match making - door bell. Sandy & Kirsten go to answer it. It's Julie & Caleb) Sandy: ah the gruesome twosome Kirsten: that means uh happy thanksgiving in Sandy Julie: our caterer's truck broke down with our entire thanksgiving feast I wanted to tell Marissa that we're going out to eat (walks in) Kirsten: except that she's not here Caleb: or we could just eat here (Kisses Kirsten's head) you don't mind do you Kiki (Sandy looks unimpressed as he shuts the door) Kirsten: no, why would I mind Caleb: footballs on, I forgot Sandy: Cal please come on in make yourself at home Caleb: (taking off his jacket) why not, its mine (hands Sandy his jacket smugly) CUT TO: Julie & Kirsten going into the kitchen, they walk passed Seth & Anna Julie: well I don't understand if Marissa's not here where is she, with Ryan? Kirsten: uh he went home, he left this morning (they are now walking into the living room where Jimmy & Rachel are) Jimmy: Julie Julie: Jimmy Rachel: Rachel (puts up hand) Julie: (un impressed) uh-huh Caleb: Rachel, Jimmy (sitting down) what's the score? (close up of Kirsten looking worried, then Sandy looking worried then back to Kirsten who takes a gulp of her wine) CUT TO: Chino- Ryan & Marissa are still in the car, they are driving through Ryan's old neighbourhood. there are alot of run down houses, nothing like Newport Marissa: (looking) so this is your old neighbourhood CUT TO: Ryan & Marissa at a house, Ryan knocks on the door Theresa: Ryan Atwood Ryan: Theresa hi (Theresa has a big smile on her face) Arturo in? Theresa: your just gonna ask for my stupid brother, your not even gonna tell me where the hell you ben for the last five months Ryan: uh no, yeah uh Theresa: (looking at Marissa) who's this? Marissa: (walking forward to shake her hand) hi I'm Marissa Cooper Theresa: (to Ryan) so this is your new girlfriend (Ryan looks uncomfortable) Marissa: oh so you two were- Theresa: off an on...we grew up together, I was the girl next door Marissa: so am I Ryan: yeah, Arturo? Theresa: yeah he's here (she goes in) Ryan: (to Marissa) I'll explain later Marissa: (smiles) uh-huh (goes inside) (Ryan looks exhausted, then follows) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Inside Theresa's house - her mom is organising their thanksgiving meal Theresa: mom, look who I found T's mom: oh Ryan (hugs him) (happy laugh) where have you ben? I haven't seen your mom in a while Ryan: yeah me neither T's mom: an your brother? Ryan: that's kinda why I'm here Arturo: (coming in) so you here for the car? Ryan: hey man Arturo: hey man how you doin (hugs him) Ryan: this is Marissa Arturo: (shakes her hand) hey Marissa: (smiles) hi Theresa: his girlfriend Arturo: (to Ryan) come on man lets go (motions with his head) might take us a minute to get the engine goin Ryan: yeah (to Marissa) you uh you wanna come Marissa: you go, I'll hang out here (Ryan leaves) T's mom: you could help us cook Marissa: great Theresa: mom don't ask her to help I'm sure she doesn't cook, she's got maids for that CUT TO: Cohen house - Jimmy & Julie are talking in the lounge room. Rachel & Caleb are also there Jimmy: I don't know where she is Julie Julie: so you lost her? Jimmy: she's spose to be at your house, you lost her (Julie glares at him) Rachel: oooh 3rd and long big play (Julie glares at Rachel now) CUT TO: Kirsten & Sandy talking in the kitchen. Seth & Anna are also there Kirsten: (whispers) they can't stay Sandy: I know Julie's gonna blow our whole Jimmy Rachel thing, all our hard work for nothin Kirsten: who does he think he is? Sandy: (to Caleb who has just come in) oh are you leavin? well it was good to see ya Caleb: hey Seth how are ya Seth: hey there gramps you remember Anna Caleb: how could I forget Seth: alright Caleb: Kiki I know your upset with me...perhaps we should talk Kirsten: its ok dad...I-I'm-I'm not upset with you anymore, no talk needed (walks away) Caleb: uh uh n-not so fast Anna: Mr. Nichol (walking in front of him) you own the heights right, the property above the wetlands Caleb: (flustered) not you to Anna: no I was just wondering, how do you feel about building a huge development that'll only pollute and destroys hallowed ground Sandy: oh that's quite a message you're sending to the youth of Orange County Cal Caleb: has she read my report, is she aware of the estuary we just announced we're building Sandy: oh everybody knows that doesn't go far enough Anna: it's a band aid for a bullet wound Caleb: oh really Sandy: (enjoying this) really (door bell) Seth: oh tell you what I'll get that CUT TO: Seth opening the door. It's Summer Seth: Summer ah hi what-what're what're you doin here? Summer: um I'm tryin'a have thanksgiving (nodding) (Seth keeps looking back, nervously) I was spose to meet Marissa at her house Seth: yeah Summer: cause there was no way I was eating with my step mom why does she need (?) cause she's on valium Seth: ah yeah well some of the Coopers are here but I-I don't know where Marissa is Summer: well while I'm here uh maybe we should talk Seth: yes (softly) what should we talk about? Summer: about what didn't happen on the yacht Seth: oh Summer: so are you gonna invite me in Seth: ah (looks behind him) yeah you know what why don't we discuss this in the pool house... cause that's gonna work for me, also lets go around front because we put some new gardenias in the lawn and I think that-I think you'll be impressed, I wanna show you CUT TO: pool house. Summer & Seth walk in Seth: huh its weird cause-cause they said those gardenias should of been in bloom by like thanksg- (Summer pushes him against the wall and kisses him) Seth: hey what's goin on? Summer: (confused) I just can't help it Seth: uh-huh Summer: an I certainly can't explain it, you didn't tell anyone? Seth: uh no of course not Summer: cause I'll kill you Seth: no I believe you (Summer kisses him again) Seth: could you do me a favour and just wait one second because I've got some green beans that I really need to go check on Summer: you're passing me up for beans Seth: (shakes his head) no (they kiss again) CUT TO: Chino - Marissa is looking at Theresa's fridge Marissa: (frowns) is this Ryan? (referring to a photo) T's mom: you mean snoopy, that's from the 8th grade musical, you're a good man Charlie brown. Theresa was peppermint patty Marissa: (laughing) and Ryan was snoopy T's mom: he was so talented Marissa: (can't believe it) Ryan did musicals Theresa: he quit when we got to high school Marissa: (picking up a photo) oh that's a really pretty dress Theresa: yeah that's when me and Ryan went to the winter dance together last year that was a crazy night (we see the photo that Marissa is looking at) we use to get into all kinds 'a trouble... he just left...you know that, he was there one day, next day his house was empty Marissa: I don't think he planned any of it Theresa: he coulda called, you know someone your whole life, you grow up next to them, I guess I didn't know him at all (Marissa looks at the photo again) CUT TO: Ryan and Arturo with the car Arturo: this cars hot man (?) 'll be psyched, your brother must owe him alotta money, that dudes crazier then your brother is Ryan: yeah Arturo: so why you back here doing Treys bitch work (Ryan doesn't answer) look Trey was my best friend, but the guy's trouble (getting in) Ryan: I've noticed Arturo: you don't have to do this, you could just go back to your new life, what's Trey gonna do Ryan: (thinks) lets just get this thing runnin CUT TO: Cohen house - Rachel, Julie, Caleb & Jimmy are all sitting on the couch together, no one looks comfortable. Sandy & Kirsten are in the kitchen Sandy: well you've ben tryin'a get him to come to thanksgiving for years Kirsten: the only reason why he is here is because his food didn't show up and the game is on (drinks) Sandy: y'know you might wanna slow down with that, your drinkin on an empty stomach Kirsten: don't you tell me to slow down, tell him to hit the bricks! Sandy: hit the bricks t-who talks like that Kirsten: (upset) don't you judge me I have a family that won't let me cook for thanksgiving dinner I have a father who is using me for my candied yams and we are out of merlot Anna: do you want some...privacy Sandy: oh Anna: I'll jus (walks out) (Seth is coming back into the house) Anna: hey Seth: Anna, why hello there Anna: where you ben? Seth: ah hm no, Ryan just asked me to feed his sea monkeys while he was away Anna: Ryan has sea monkeys I love those things (goes to go see them) Seth: yeah (grabs her arm) but you know what though ya can't see em... because there dead Anna: oh Seth: yeah suicide you know how hard the holidays can be so Anna: (gives him a look) well...um...the pool house is empty (Seth looks worried) maybe we could take some alone time...to hang out Seth: yeah Anna: away from everybody Seth: yeah let's do that, lets do that in my room Anna: even better Seth: (pushing her) alright (he looks back guiltily) CUT TO: Seth's room Anna: huh...so...this is your bedroom Seth: (nods) yes-yes it is (smiles) Anna: (moving closer to him) hmm (goes to kiss him) Seth: (panics) have you met captain oats yet, I don't think you have (picks him up) (Anna laughs) huh (makes a horse sound) Anna: mmhmm Seth, you didn't bring me here to introduce me to captain oats (raises her eyebrows) Seth: (shakes his head) no I didn't Anna: that's what I thought (they kiss) Seth: I have cauliflower (Anna looks at him) steaming so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna leave you here with captain oats to get acquainted and I'll be right back ok thankyou (runs out) CUT TO: Seth making a phone call CUT TO: Chino - Ryan comes in, Marissa, Theresa & T's mom are there Ryan: so the cars ready to go (Ryan's phone rings, Theresa & Marissa are talking in the background) Ryan: (answers) hello Seth: man its me listen now uh despite what the penthouse letters might suggest two girls an one guy uh uh no-no its not really all its cracked up to be Ryan: yeah I know what you mean but uh can I call you back when Marissa an I are on the road Seth: Marissa's with you? Ryan: yeah why Seth: uh just her moms here looking for her but just call me-call me back ok Ryan: yeah (looks confused) (Ryan hangs up and looks over at Marissa, not happy that she lied to him) CUT TO: Kirsten in the kitchen using the blender, Seth comes in Seth: (over the noise of the blender) hey so um Marissa's with Ryan Kirsten: (shouts) what Seth: I said-I said Marissa's in Chino Kirsten: I can't hear you Seth: (frustrated) I SAID MARISSA (blender turns off) is in Chino...wow that actually happens in real life Julie: (rushes in, everyone else follows) what-what did you say Seth: yeah no I said that Marissa has my chinos, I love those pants Caleb: looks like we'll be here a while (to Kirsten) you ready to talk Kirsten: (tipsy, holds up the blender jug) fresh margs CUT TO: Chino - Ryan is saying bye to Theresa. Marissa is waiting at the car Ryan: so, I'll see you again Theresa: (nodding) mhmm, good luck Ryan: yeah you to, and you know...sorry Theresa: me too, this place isn't as fun as it use to be (Ryan smiles) (Theresa waves to Marissa then goes inside, Ryan walks towards the car, and Marissa walks towards him) Marissa: so how come you didn't tell me there was a Theresa Ryan: how come you didn't tell me about your mom, me and her haven't ben through enough your gonna put this on me to Marissa: I didn't put anything on you Ryan: (angry) who do you think she's gonna blame Marissa: I'll explain it to her Ryan: look, I never should'a brought you here Marissa: I'm not gonna let you do this alone Ryan: so you're my wheel man now, just go back to Newport I'll take the bus Marissa: Ryan! Ryan: this is not a conversation (putting the keys in her hand) (hurt) you lied to me (Marissa gives in and walks towards the car) CUT TO: Newport - Seth & Summer are making out in the pool house on Ryan's bed. Summer is on top of Seth trying to undo his shirt Summer: ugh what is up with this shirt Cohen, is it like childproof Seth: alright well (gets on top of her) why don't you let me do it Summer: oooh, way to take charge Cohen (they kiss more) (Seth stops kissing her and just stares) Summer: what? do I have lipstick on my mouth? Seth: no uh no (kisses her) (stops again) Summer: what (laughs) Seth: (laughs, and stares like he can't believe he's kissing her) this is happening (kisses her again) Summer: whoa, what-what'd you mean this is happening n-n-n-no Cohen (pushes him off her) no Seth: (falls on the floor) ahh ooow Summer: no you know what th-this cant be happening Seth: yes it can come on it just was I was just expressing awe and delight which now will be replaced with a severe bruise on my ass Summer: ok I need to think, or eat something I'm feeling a little headed, can we go inside Seth: no actually um I think that its best then (doing up his shirt) if I go inside because I'm the host an I-I bring food to you cause your the guest an I think that's really the most polite thing to do, also you probably don't wanna go in there right now cause my moms cooking and that's something that-that nobody should witness and plus my dad is wearing an apron so that also falls into the same category and my grandpas talkin about politics in there and (getting faster, puts on his vest) nobody likes politics not when he talks about it he's very intense and you don't wanna get all tensed out right now so stay here where the relaxation is, I'll be right back (leaves) (Summer sighs, and looks kinda sad) CUT TO: Julie & Jimmy talking in the kitchen. Kirsten, Sandy, Rachel & Caleb are also there Julie: this is your fault because you allowed her to go with Ryan Jimmy: I had no idea she was doing this Julie: well that's encouraging Caleb: what sort of a father doesn't know what his daughter is up to? Kirsten: oh you're not serious! Caleb: I may be alot of things but never a bad parent Sandy: destroyer of the environment Rachel: tyrannical land baron Julie: (to Rachel) you stay out of this I don't even know what you're doing here Kirsten: (drunk) oh she's our guest, unlike some people Julie: oh so suddenly you have standards about who you let into this house Kirsten: what'does that mean Julie: Marissa wouldn't be in Chino if she hadn't met someone from Chino Sandy: Ryan's not the problem Caleb: your right it's the over zealous tree hugger that brought him in Julie: or the irresponsible parent whose to busy tryin'a get laid on thanksgiving Jimmy: well excuse me for making up for lost time Rachel: well excuse me Jimmy: sorry I was...heat of passion Julie: don't expect that to happen very often Sandy: oh people please feel free to share Kirsten: does anyone want another drink Sandy: (to Seth who has just walked in) hey Seth would you run back out to the pool house and grab the- Seth: (rushing) cant talk gotta go (the adults all look at each other, not saying anything) CUT TO: Seth's room. he goes back in to see Anna Seth: (leaning against the wall) hey Anna, what's up Anna: (on Seth's bed) I'm beating captain oats at jenga, I think it's his lack of opposable thumbs that gives me a certain advantage Seth: it's gettin a little weird in here Anna: (sitting up) well you left me alone for so long I guess I was going a little...crazy (they lay back on his bed, Seth is on top of Anna) Seth: you know captain oats is a sore loser anyway Anna: mmhmm (they kiss) Seth: have I mentioned that thanksgiving is my favourite holiday (he rubs his nose with hers) (kiss more) well it is Anna: aren't you kinda hot in this Seth: yes, it is rather balmy Anna: why don't you take it off? Seth: why don't we (sitting up) I was never a fan of it anyway cause my mom picked it out an I was like mom dude i'm- (Anna looks at him) anyway its untrue, I dress myself, that's untrue Anna: (laughs) I got it (helping him pull it off) (it gets stuck and Seth ends up falling on the floor) Anna: oooh Seth Seth: (laying there with the vest over his head) ok that's two bruises today Anna: (frowns) two? Seth: (getting up) yeah the first one was from cooking (putting the vest back on properly) sweet potatoes just aren't as sweet as they use to be anymore speaking of which I have left them un-attended I'm very neglectful so I'll be right back and uh what is that captain oats, he wants a rematch, do that (rushes out) Anna: (sighs and picks up captain oats) do you want a rematch CUT TO: the pool house - Summer comes out of the bathroom. Sandy is in there, unbeknownst to her Summer: back so soon cause I was just (shrieks) ewww oh uh (Sandy is shocked) I mean not ewww, your very attractive...for a dad (Sandy is still in shock) uh distinguished but... oh my god (runs back in the bathroom) CUT TO: Chino - Ryan is dropping off the stolen car guy: (walks over to the car) you Ryan (Ryan nods) this is a hot ride I'll tell you that, hard to believe your brother could pull it off cause uh he's such a stupid son-of-a-bitch Ryan: (now out of the car) yeah well what'd you think? guy: what huh what (hits Ryan's arm) what'do I think about what Ryan: we good, you take the car Treys off the hook guy: oh, is that the deal Ryan: that's what he told me guy: huh, you fellas hear that (to a group of guys behind Ryan) I've ben waiting six months for this alright and there's something called interest Ryan: I don't have anything guy: (pushes Ryan against the fence) yeah well interest needs to be paid (punches Ryan in the face) alright (car horn. Marissa is in the car not far from Ryan. Ryan punches the guy, Marissa opens the passenger door & Ryan runs towards the car. the guys follow) Ryan: (getting in the car) go! (the car screeches as Marissa drives off) Ryan: what the hell are you doin? Marissa: I followed you Ryan: good idea CUT TO: Cohen's kitchen. Kirsten, Caleb, Jimmy, Julie & Rachel are all yelling/arguing Jimmy: (to Julie) you obviously have no manners, she likes the cowboys Kirsten: when was the last time we spent thanksgiving together Caleb: I have my work you know that Julie: I am trying to rebuild a family Jimmy, and don't act so innocent Jimmy: oh right CUT TO: Seth & Sandy in the living room talking about the whole Summer thing Seth: yeah I know dad but it's not like I planned on this happening ok Sandy: look I get it I mean it's a difficult (laughing) position to be in, I mean you got Anna who's so smart Seth: yes Sandy: so funny Seth: very funny Sandy: she's adorable but...Summer is... Seth: Summer Sandy: yeah...you can't lead these girls on Seth: no right I know-I know I can't Sandy: be a man, tell Anna you like Summer Seth: right you are except well... Sandy: oh, ok well then... tell Summer you like Anna Seth: yeah again not so sure Sandy: uh (smells) something's burnin (gets up) CUT TO: kitchen - everyone is still arguing Rachel: (yells) guys I hate to interrupt you but-but there's um Kirsten: oh my god my turkey! (Rachel goes over to the oven, everyone coughs and whoa's from the smoke. this also sets the smoke alarm off) Seth: (coming in) (disappointed) come on mom! (Sandy pulls it out of the oven, it's ruined) Caleb: where are the take out menus Seth: (to Anna) hey Anna: (coming in) is everything ok Seth: everything's fine, let me meet you back upstairs Summer: (rushing in) I thought I heard a smoke alarm Anna: Summer! Summer: Anna Summer & Anna: SETH! Seth: totally awkward uh this is weird and I wanna explain everything to you guys Anna: I kissed you! Seth: I know Summer: I kissed you Seth: so true (Caleb laughs) Kirsten: I always knew you were a late bloomer sweetie Seth: thanks mom (Anna walks out) Seth: Anna will you not go, please (Anna turns back) Summer: oh you don't want her to go Seth: no Anna: NO Seth: I mean yes, I mean yes Anna: thats it (Anna leaves) Summer: nice Seth: ok that was awkward with her here now finally she's gone (Summer leaves, Seth goes after her) let me tell you something Summer I have disease Kirsten: I don't feel very good uh (Kirsten walks out and Sandy looks at the ruined turkey) CUT TO: Chino - Ryan is back at the prison Ryan: cars delivered, debts paid but I am never doing anything for you again you understand Trey: I'm sorry man Ryan: I coulda ben arrested, they coulda killed me Trey: yeah I know but I also know that no one else would'a done this for me but I get it we're done Ryan: well I'll co-come by to see you Trey: don't you've got a chance little brother, you gotta leave me behind, leave all this behind Ryan: take care of yourself Trey: (nods) yeah, well you should jet you got people waitin for ya (hugs him) (Marissa & Ryan leave) CUT TO: Ryan and Marissa in the car, driving out of Chino Ryan: so that was Chino (they look at each other) Marissa: (sighs) I guess I never realised when you left, you left people behind Ryan: I never wanna do that again Marissa: (smiles) you won't have to (laughs) snoopy (Ryan looks at her) CUT TO: them driving back in Newport. then driving in the gates CUT TO: Kirsten & Sandy in their bedroom. Kirsten is asleep/passed out and Sandy is watching her and smiling, while eating take out and watching the game CUT TO: Rachel & Jimmy eating take out in the living room together Rachel: so we should-we should watch a game some time Jimmy: yeah yeah no yeah I'd like that uh I dunno if I'm uh Rachel: well when you're ready Jimmy: yeah (they both smile) CUT TO: Caleb & Julie in the kitchen eating take out together. Ryan and Marissa walk in Julie: oh thank god, are you ok (hugs Marissa) Marissa: yeah mom I'm fine Julie: (gives Ryan a dirty look) why didn't you tell me you were going Marissa: well Caleb: Julie, its thanksgiving (Julie smiles and doesn't say anymore) CUT TO: Seth laying on his bedroom floor with captain oats Ryan: (knocks) hey man (walking in with Marissa) what're you doin? Seth: not lying with captain oats Marissa: uh why are you on the floor Seth: (sitting up) I figured id end up here anyway so I might as well cut out the middle man Ryan: well looks like things went pretty well Seth: yeah same for you nice shiner Marissa: uh yeah so can we sit with you an captain oats? Seth: yeah, no please (pats the floor) (they both sit) Seth: hey nothing says thanksgiving like moo shoo pork, thanks...so what'd your brother say? Ryan: (looking down) good bye Seth: so Chino was uh... Ryan: it's good to be home (smiles) (Seth smiles back, Marissa puts her head on Ryan's shoulder and Seth smiles at her, and she at him) Marissa: hey so Seth (grabbing Ryan's chin) did you know that Ryan did musicals...mmhm Seth: Ryan that's extremely minty of you (Marissa laughs) I didn't even know they had musicals in Chino, I didn't even know they had dancing or or laughter Ryan: oh well that's cause no one lived there as funny as you Seth: hey so we finally agree I'm the funny one, well look at that, looks like we all learned some valuable lessons this thanksgiving...it's uh it's heart warming. (Fade out)

Used to be Seth couldn't find a girl. Now he has two - Anna and Summer show up for Thanksgiving. Ryan also has double trouble, as he and Marissa visit his old neighborhood and encounter an ex-flame.

fd_The_Office_08x05

fd_The_Office_08x05_0

Andy: [looking at Angela's costume] Approved! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [claps] Chef from South Park, it's genius! Stanley: Just some chef. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I've decided to pre-screen all the Halloween costumes this year. I have three simple rules - don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life. Andy: Whoa! Aw, spoiler alert. Kevin: It's been out for ages, man. Andy: Costume vetoed. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Ah, it's, uh... somebody's already called that. Phyllis: Who? Andy: Kevin has a gorilla suit you could borrow. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: This is ridiculous! Why can't there just be two Kate Middleton's? Andy: Guys, I know, I mean, I wish there could be, too. It's like, I can't choose. They're both amazing. It's just... Kelly: Look, I stayed up all night and I watched that gd wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here. Meredith: Because I was there. [shows Kelly her cell phone video] Your the people's princess! Diana was nothing! Andy: I thought you were at your sister's funeral. Meredith: What I said was, "My sister's funeral is this weekend." Didn't say I'd be there. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Why is it such a shock that I follow the royal story? Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids, doing it. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Um, can I, maybe, squeeze through? Erin: Here you go. Andy: There you go. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: When they talk about all the nice things about dating a coworker, they don't mention one of the best parts. After you're done dating, you still get to work together, every single day. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Jim, put it on. Darryl: Put it on, man. Jim: I don't know if I can. Kevin: Come on, the Three Amigos. Darryl: Three Kings. Jim: Alright. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I know, I know, I know. But Darryl and Kevin needed a third. They bought me this jersey. I said no. Kevin started crying. So, I am Chris Bosh. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: [to Kelly] If you get into season 1, you can really... Kelly: [Dwight walks in] Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you? Dwight: It's called a costume. Kelly: What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman? Dwight: Ryan, will you please tell her who I am? Ryan: Whoopi Goldberg. Dwight: Has no one here heard of Kerrigan, from Starcraft? Queen of blades? It's all Toby's fault. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Every Halloween I tell him the same thing - You can't bring weapons into the office, and every year he says the same thing - As soon as I get my weapons back I'm gonna kill you. But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know. I'm a lucky turkey. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Everybody looking good, this is, this is the best we can do? I'm not judging, I, I think you guys look great, I just... wanna make sure this is the best we can do? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I just got a text from Broccoli Rob - "Boo!" Scared me. And then I got this text from Robert California - "Looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high." Scared the s**t out of me. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: G'day, Pameroo. Could you shoot this off for me? Pam: Yeah. Andy: Australian accent... [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [faxing, Erin watching over her shoulder] What are you doing? Erin: Oh, I just wanted to see how you do it, if you're doing something I don't. Pam: Oh. [sends fax, Erin nods] Are you... Erin: That Andy, so hot and cold. One day he's like, fax these documents, please. The next he's like, Pam, you fax them, who cares what Erin's feeling, right? Pam: Oh, Erin... Erin: Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of 1 to 3? Pam: Um, 2? Erin: That's like, the second to last thing I wanted to hear. Pam: No, I mean, you're doing great, and Andy put you in charge of the whole party, right? Erin: Yeah... Pam: Yeah. Erin: Send completed. You are the best in the biz, I can't deny. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Bob and I are doing this Scranton Haunted Walking Tour. Oscar: I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing. Pam: Oh, hey, if you go by the Banshee Pub, tell the Man In Black I say hello. Oscar: [sigh] What happened, Pam? Pam: Okay. When I was 22, I worked there and everybody said the place was haunted. I didn't believe it until one day before we opened, I look up into the mirror, you know, behind the bar, and I see this old man dressed all in black, but when I turn around, there's no one there. So, I tell the cook my story... Phyllis: Wait, they have food there? Pam: ...and he said, That's what everyone sees, that's the Man In Black. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: No! My wife does not believe in ghosts. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey! Jim: Oh, this Man In Black thing, what do you think that was about? Pam: What do you mean? Jim: Was it, like, trickery in the lights, or maybe you were so primed to see it, then there it was? Pam: I saw a ghost. Jim: Mmhmm. No, but what I'm saying is, like, do you ever wonder what it was? Pam: It was a ghost, I told you this on, like, our first date. Jim: Yeah, I had just told you about the day that I met the Blue Angels. I figured you had to top it. Pam: I don't know what to tell you, Jim, but I saw a ghost. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey! Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attack! Robert: Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are a laborer. Andy: Yes. Robert: Everyone, this Bert, my son. Bert, this is... a paper company. [everyone greets Bert] Bert: Hello. Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane. Robert: Here, use this one. [walking to Jim's desk] [Jim shakes his head "no", Andy motions to him to "shh"] Robert: Oh, look, Pin The Wart On The Wench. How did you know I was bringing my son? Erin: Oh, I didn't. It was for us, but he can play. Bertie-boy, would you like to play this game? Bert: That stuff's for babies. Robert: Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us. Andy: Wow, who shot our grown-up party with a kiddie raygun? We're still getting it set up, it's gonna be really cool. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: [laughing] Extraordinary. Did you plan this? Kelly: Well, Toby and I did, yeah. Gabe: And I overheard, and thought, hey, that'd be fun, don't mind if I do. Toby: If you turn out the lights we'll do a little dance. Kelly: 1, 2, 3! Gabe/Kelly/Toby: [singing and dancing] Dem bones, dem bones, dem tired bones, now we're the skeleton crew. Robert: [laughing and clapping] Delightful. Kelly: Thank you. [Gabe mumbles] Robert: Now then, how are we today? Kelly: Fine. Toby: Great. Robert: Just fine, Kelly? Everything alright? Kelly: Mmhmm. Robert: You feeling fulfilled in your life? Kelly: I guess. Robert: You guess? So, there is something you want that you do not have. Kelly: I try not to think about it. Robert: Because it's too terrifying to imagine. Now we're cooking. What is it, Kelly? What is this great fear of yours? Kelly: Never marrying. Robert: Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary. And how are you, Toby? Toby: So great. [SCENE_BREAK] [Angela takes the pumpking decoration off of the window] Erin: Oh, I put those up. Angela: I know. I'm taking them down. Phyllis: I almost wonder if putting nothing on this wall is more Halloween-y. Erin: I don't know about this, guys, Andy put me in charge of the Halloween party, so... Angela: Well, Andy sent us in here, so which is it? Erin: Oh. Angela: So, can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings, because I hate all of this. [SCENE_BREAK] Bert: Very low pressure in the Sargasso Sea, warm air from South America, cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm. Dwight: Yeah, perfectly mediocre. Bert: What are you, anyway? Dwight: I'm a Jamaican zombie woman, leave me alone, ghoul. Bert: If you had some really big wings with blades on the end, you'd kind of look like Kerrigan from Starcraft. Dwight: Damnit. I AM Kerrigan from Starcraft! I've been censored. Bert: If you're going to be a Zerg, at least be a Lurker, not some girl. Dwight: Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg swarm! Bert: Yeah, she also has boobs. Dwight: Yeah, but no nipples. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Hey. Andy: Hey. What's up? Erin: November's sure creeping up, ain't it? Can't stop that month! Andy: Yeah... Erin: Hey, what's the jive with Angela and Phyllis helping with the party, you know? Andy: Um, I just thought you could use some help, you know, because Robert came in and thought the party seemed a little kiddie, and I guess I agreed, and maybe we could mix a little more 13 into the PG. Erin: But that's it? There's nothing about me, or I? Andy: Can we talk about it at the end of the day? I gotta call, gotta make a call. Erin: Oh, yeah, sorry. Yes, we can. Andy: [pretending to be on the phone] Yes. [laughs] I don't know. Mmhmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Gabe? Gabe: Sweetheart. Erin: I'm throwing the Halloween Party and I just want to amp it up a little. I think it could use some extra pizazz. Gabe: Ok where does Gabe factor in? Erin: Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in and I didn't stop crying? Gabe: Yes. Lars and Decocco's Erin: Ok. Let's say that I wanted this party to be a tiny, tiny bit like that one. Just... more adult... more... scary and sexy Gabe: I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. Erin: No - just scary. If we wanted ideas for scary stuff. Gabe: [laughs, eventually Erin joins him laughing] Oh that would be scary! Erin: What are you thinking? Gabe: Ok let me go get it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [answers phone] Pam Halpert. Jim: Hey it's Jim Halpert. I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie tonight. Because I've read a lot about this really great documentary. Pam: Is it called Ghostbusters? Jim: [laughs] It's called Ghostbusters. Pam: It didn't look like that. Jim: It didn't have a buster sign around him? Why don't you draw him? Why don't we see this whole thing. Pam: Ok fine I'll draw him. [hangs up phone and draws] Jim: I ain't fraid of no ghost. [Pam holds up drawing of a hand with the middle finger raised] Whoa! Pam: Mmhmm. Dwight are you eating a stick? Dwight: It's a root you idiot. Bert: Everyone hates you. Dwight: That's really rude. I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true. Bert: What do you like? Tornadoes? Dwight: Try influenza. Bert: Oh yeah? What's the vaccine you can take to avoid a hurricane? Dwight: Open up a newspaper. Oh look a hurricane's coming. I suppose you're going to tell me the scariest animal is a shark? Bert: Try a box jelly fish. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You know that's... Robert: What are we talking about? Jim: I was talking about my wife and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate and Meredith said she believes in them too. Robert: [to Kevin] You seem unimpressed. Ghosts don't scare you? Kevin: I'm only scared of real things like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist like ghosts or mummies. Oscar: Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums. Kevin: Yeah [nervously]...prank Robert: It's true. They've been preserved for thousands of years. They're all over. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [screaming] Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!? [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Witch's brew? [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I grew this party up real fast. Get out of here little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room! Grownups are going to use it later! Oooh! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Party looks fun doesn't it? Everybody seems to be in there having a great time. So maybe now would be a great time for me to pop back on the computer. Bert: I'm using it. I'm about to play Starcraft with him [points to Dwight]. Jim: [to Dwight] Are you serious? Dwight: Yeah I'm serious. Jim: That's funny. Ok. Dwight: Loser. Bert: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Pam do you think anyone's going to notice I've worn this costume before? When I wasn't pregnant. You know I bet nobody would believe it still fits. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Hey guys. I'm an Oscar [gestures to face] liar [gestures to nametag saying "Representative Weiner] weiner. Ryan: Oh my god! [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: This party's tight. The fog is cool. Erin: Thanks. It's on medium. Darryl: Perfect. Andy: It really looks great. You did a great job. Erin: Oh, so we don't have to have that talk. Andy: We should still have that talk. Maybe you can come by my office at like 4:45? [Erin nods] Cool. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [in ghostly voice] Oookayyy everybody. Be prepared to be scared. Ok. [hits play on DVD player, "Do yes disturb meditations of horror" appears on screen, Gabe winks at Erin, on screen food deflates, a mouse crawls across a photograph of a woman, a person brushes very dirty teeth] [SCENE_BREAK] Gabe: The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [cuts back to a Happy Birthday cake gushing blood when cut into, a doll melts, a woman eats food and puckers her face] Is that my grandmother? Andy: What's the story? Oscar: There is no story. Gabe: Yeah it seems like there isn't a narrative. [on screen a man gets into a car] Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting. Stanley: What the hell is going on here? Andy: I think we've seen enough. You can turn it off now. [everyone murmurs agreement] Yeah turn it off now. Stanley: How did you get in my car? Oscar: Where is this from? That is so upsetting! Andy: That was awful. Robert I apologize. Erin: I'm sorry. I got confused. I heard you wanted to make the party more adult. But I think I know what to do now [grabs box]. This game is called "pecker Poker". [fighting tears] It's the game of cards that gets you hard. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: What we have here is a classic misunderstanding. Robert: Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close. [Andy and Erin look awkwardly at each other and Robert]. Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business [Robert sits]. Erin: All I know is you wanted to have a talk with me and I got nervous so... Robert: You were going to talk at the end of the... I'm not here. Andy: Did you think I was going to fire you? No I wasn't. [to Robert] I'm sorry this must be really uncomfortable for you. Robert: I'm never uncomfortable. Andy: Ok. Erin I think you know I've been dating someone. Erin: Sure. Andy: And it's getting a little more serious. She's never come by. Erin: And she's never called here. Unless it's your mom. Andy: No I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird. But now it's weird that she's not calling. Erin: Two dates? Three dates? Andy: Thirty-one. Erin: Wow. I'm so happy for you guys. Um let me know when you get to forty. I'll see you guys. Robert: I should go. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I just don't get it, Pam. I mean, you're a rational person. Jim: [whispering] Thank you. Pam: Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs. How is this any less logical? Jim: Careful, whoa. First of all, it's not like I think that's going to help the Eagles win. Pam: Really. Jim: No. That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the Eagles will hear about and want to play better. It's not... Kevin: Exactly. Jim: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Go, get up there right now. Bert: Got it. Darryl: Dwight? Dwight: You wanna attack or let them come to us? Your call, B. Bert: Unleash the hellstorm. Darryl: Dwight. Dwight: [laughs] Nice. Darryl: Dwight! Dwight: Got 'em. Go! [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Is she Asian? Erin: I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest. Phyllis: Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest? Erin: I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city. Phyllis: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed? Creed: No... Robert: Are you scared of snakes? Creed: You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [in the bathroom with Robert[ Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: [talking to Robert] Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: [to camera] What am I up to? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, "Mom, there's a ghost in my closet." Now, you say one of two things - one, "You're just having a bad dream," or two, "Let's go see what it was." Pam: I'm not gonna freak her out, Jim. Jim: Ok. Pam: I'm not gonna lie to her, either. Jim: Oh, come on! Robert: When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. [hisses] She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. Creed: Oh my goodness. Robert: The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies. Kevin: Nooo! Robert: Amongst them was a man, tall, slim. Meredith: Jim. [rolls eyes] Robert: Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. "Oh, wait," she thought, "I don't have a husband." For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, "Baby, are you okay?" Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, "I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine." Bert: [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear. [SCENE_BREAK] Bert: Toby? Toby: Oh, hey, Bert. Wanna see the dance? Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry... Bert: You're fired. Toby: ...bones. What? Bert: You heard me. Pack your things. Toby: What... you can't... Gabe? Are you... Bert: I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.

Erin tries to make the annual Halloween party spooky and non-childish, with help from Gabe Lewis ( Zach Woods ). Dwight becomes friends with Robert's son ( David Mazouz ), and Pam and Jim debate the existence of ghosts. Meanwhile, Robert tries to figure out everyone's deepest fears in order to culminate the party with a specially-tailored ghost story.

fd_Alias_03x18

fd_Alias_03x18_0

Rotunda Prison SLOANE: I placed something powerful in that box. And now the Covenant has it, and that terrifies me. I secured that box so it could only be opened by keys that Rambaldi himself had hidden. Bomani and Sark found the keys, (beat) which means they have the heart. Di Regno heart is an engine designed to power Rambaldi's ultimate creation... Il Dire, which means The Telling. What they will witness is nothing short of resurrection, as if Rambaldi is reaching through the centuries to deliver a message. While he's talking, Sark and Bomani are shown activating Il Dire, and it's shown writing DIXON: The Covenant is after a weapon, the passenger. How will Il Dire help them obtain it? SLOANE: If I help, will you stay my execution? DIXON: No, I will not. DIXON: We're done here. SLOANE: I'll talk to Jack Bristow about the passenger. DIXON: There will be no deal. SLOANE: You make that quite clear. Dixon's just a little bit obsessed about seeing Sloane's execution go through. No shock there. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda WEISS: There's been some kind of cyber-attack, Dixon's ready to brief us. WEISS: You know, Syd, nobody would blame you for hating him for going back to her. SYDNEY: He's not the one I hate. How horrible does that sound? WEISS: Well I'm mad at her, and I don't even think he's that cute. SYDNEY: But it's not just about them being together. My dad thinks Lauren's leaking information to the Covenant. WEISS: I don't understand. Didn't Senator Reed confess to being the leak before he died? SYDNEY: Yes, and his confessions answered all the questions my father had raised. But I... I can't help it, I still have doubts. WEISS: Alright, let me ask you a question. Do you think she's the mole, or do you just want her to be the mole? [SCENE_BREAK] Briefing Room [SCENE_BREAK] DIXON: 12 hours ago a large-scale cyber-terrorist attack was launched. This computer virus originated from a server in Berlin, infecting servers throughout Europe and Asia. It's estimated that within 24 hours, it will consume over half of all internet bandwidth. WEISS: This particular worm targets medical facilities, universities, laboratories, hospitals, that sort of thing. DIXON: To date, 20 terabytes of patient medical records and research databases have been corrupted. SYDNEY: And we believe the Covenant is behind this? DIXON: Well we know the Passenger is a bio-weapon. Given the worm's targets, we're assuming they're trying to launch a precursor attack. WEISS: Maybe they're trying to shut down all the treatment facilities? VAUGHN: Well, that would make sense... weaken medical response capabilities. LAUREN: Are these our only leads? MARSHALL: Actually, no. This code has all the trademarks of a hacker known as "Cypher". And guess what? He operates out of Berlin. DIXON: Vaughn, Sydney, go to Berlin, and identify and confirm he created the worm, and shut it down.. See Marshall for your op-tech. You leave in two hours. [SCENE_BREAK] Marshall's office MARSHALL: Okay. Hackers, they're a paranoid bunch. Now the one we want is known as "Cypher". He's kind of a celebrity in the on-line community. But it's funny because in the real world, it's like he doesn't even exist. MARSHALL: Don't worry because lucky for you, I kind of have a name in the hacker community myself... "black kitty". Anyway, I was able to penetrate Cypher's network and track him down to an IRC chat. I found out tomorrow night he'll be at an underground club in Berlin. VAUGHN: How do we identify him? MARSHALL: Ah, well that's where these come in. Marshall picks up a pair of glasses. MARSHALL: Now not only are they a freshy fresh pair of glasses -- (he models them) Hello... -- They're also a wireless sniffer. Cypher uses a personal digital assistant with a unique code. I programmed the sniffer to seek it out. Now all you have to do is press this button right here and it will automatically hack into his computer and send him a message. Pretty cool. SYDNEY: Are we sure he'll have his computer with him? MARSHALL: Does a cowboy leave his gun at home when he goes to the saloon? Trust me, he'll have it. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Base BOMANI: How much longer before we match the sequence from Il Dire? TECH: The worm has reached Latin America. By this time tomorrow, the database will be complete and we should have a perfect match. SARK: I received a call from my associate. BOMANI: By "associate" I assume you mean Mrs. Reed. SARK: Yes. It seems the CIA's more industrious than we assumed. They've discovered the identity of our hacker friend. She's taking care of him. BOMANI: This girl, her work for us of late has been uneven. SARK: The Il Dire machine is in our possession because she managed to steal it from the CIA. She is a considerable asset. BOMANI: An asset for you in ways that do not interest me. SARK: I will stake my reputation on her abilities. BOMANI: I will hold you to your word. But understand, if you are mistaken you both will endure the consequences. [SCENE_BREAK] Lauren and Vaughn's House. Lauren's packing for her father's funeral in England. VAUGHN: I could go with you. LAUREN: You're going to Berlin. VAUGHN: They could send someone else. You shouldn't have to do this alone. LAUREN: I won't be alone. My mom will be there. My father's will made it very clear he wants his ashes scattered in Dover. LAUREN: Besides, the last thing I need is another person close to me letting the CIA down. VAUGHN: Lauren, no one's judging you. LAUREN: I've seen the way they look at me, like I'm a traitor too. To tell you the truth, I don't blame them. VAUGHN: People are just angry. LAUREN: And I'm not? He was my father! You have no idea what it's like to think you know someone, to love them, and then figure out it was nothing but lies. VAUGHN: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Nightclub - BER[L]IN (pushthrough) [SCENE_BREAK] Vaughn and Sydney are walking around. View through the glasses Marshall gave her repeatedly say "NO MATCH FOUND" VAUGHN: Getting anything? SYDNEY: Not yet. glasses say "MATCH FOUND" SYDNEY: That's him. They send him a message - "The couple to your right requests a meeting". He walks over. HACKER: Nice trick. Looks like I'll have to readjust my firewall settings. SYDNEY: I could still get through. I don't believe we've met before. VAUGHN: We're big fans of your work. Perhaps you've heard of our work? The DDoS attack on the Syrian government's network shut them down for a week. HACKER: That was you? Vaughn nods. The Cow is at the club, carrying a drink tray with a handgun underneath pointed at the HACKER. SYDNEY: Nothing compared to what you've got going on. Clever coding. That worm's going to be circulating for months. HACKER: I think you have me confused with somebody else. I didn't design that worm, and even if I did you could never prove it. So, if you'll excuse me... He gets up to leave. VAUGHN: Sit down. We're CIA. They block Lauren's line-of-sight, which annoys her. SYDNEY: I know you people get your little power trips by designing viruses, defacing websites, breaking into systems. But in this case you've designed a worm that is helping an international crime organization launch a biological weapon. Once your employers complete what they've set out to do, you will be guilty of murdering thousands of people. HACKER: I didn't know. He didn't tell me. SYDNEY: Who's he? HACKER: He didn't give a name. He was young, British... VAUGHN: Why is the worm attacking medical facilities? HACKER: That was not it's designed function. They asked me to engineer a worm that was capable of... Lauren shoots him. SYDNEY: I'm going after the shooter. The HACKER gives Vaughn a USB data storage device. Meanwhile, Sydney thinks she sees Lauren and goes after her. Except everyone she looks at seems to look like Lauren. Uh oh. She approaches one person who looks like Lauren, and it's not. SYDNEY: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Intro [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the club [SCENE_BREAK] LAUREN: (cell) We have a problem. He had the files with him. He gave them to the CIA. SARK: If they have the source code, they can stop the worm from circulating. We will lose everything. LAUREN: (cell) There's still time. If I can corrupt the original files before they make a copy... SARK: (cell) That's an extreme risk, and you know it. LAUREN: (cell) And letting Bomani know that I've failed isn't? You'll hear from me soon. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda Prison SLOANE: Jack? JACK: You should know Dixon has given me clearance to talk about one thing only... the Passenger. SLOANE: But Jack, I've already told you everything I know about the Passenger. I just used that as a pretext so Dixon would allow me some time with you. JACK: This is not a time for games. SLOANE: This is no game, Jack. This is my life. The CIA wants me executed next week because they believe I was working for Senator Reed, and I was. But my association with Senator Reed had nothing to do with advancing the Covenant's agenda. SLOANE: Two years ago, Senator Reed recruited me to work for an organization within the U.S. Government. They refer to themselves as The Trust. He indicated that he was interested in my knowledge of Milo Rambaldi. He made me an offer. If I was to agree to work for him, he would secure my pardon. And from that time on, I did nothing but live up to my end of the bargain. JACK: I've never heard of the Trust. SLOANE: The Senator was my only contact. JACK: Even if what you're saying is true, why haven't they come to your aid? SLOANE: I don't know. Maybe they were fearful of revealing themselves, or it could be that I outlived my usefulness. SLOANE: But you ask yourself, Jack, have I been helpful this year? Tell me, have I lived up to my word? I helped Sydney recover her memory. I took a bullet for you for God's sake. Well now I need something in return. I need you to prove that this group exists. I was serving my country, Jack, not betraying it. [SCENE_BREAK] CIA Safehouse, Berlin VAUGHN: I'm connecting the USB flash drive Cypher gave us. Let's hope all his files are here. SYDNEY: Cypher's dead. It was the hospital. He didn't make it through surgery. SYDNEY: Vaughn, I think I saw Lauren. VAUGHN: What? SYDNEY: In the club, after the shooting. VAUGHN: Sydney, what are you talking about? SYDNEY: The Covenant knew we were after Cypher. VAUGHN: What are you saying, that Lauren is Covenant? SYDNEY: I can't be sure. The shooter was wearing a wig... it was dark... VAUGHN: No, Lauren's father was the one passing the intel to the Covenant, and he's dead. I mean for God's sakes, he killed himself! SYDNEY: But don't you think it's convenient he died taking the blame for all the leaks with him? VAUGHN: What, are you suggesting Lauren framed her own father? SYDNEY: I know it's hard for you to consider. VAUGHN: Hard for me?! My wife just found out her father was betraying her, not to mention our country. SYDNEY: But if I saw her... VAUGHN: You didn't. VAUGHN: Lauren and her mother are in England burying her father. Look, I know things haven't worked out for us the way we'd hoped. SYDNEY: You think that's why I'm bringing this up? VAUGHN: Well honestly, I don't know what to think. There's a knock. They approach the door. It's Lauren. LAUREN: Oh Michael. Dixon told me I might find you here. I had to see you. A bit later, on the couch... LAUREN: I thought I hated him. But when mom and I got there, those cliffs, I don't know how many times dad and I took walks there. LAUREN: In the states he was never around, but in England it was different. And being there, remembering him that way, he didn't feel like a traitor. He was just my father. Lauren points out a new ring. LAUREN: While we were there my mom gave me this. Dad had given it to her when I was born. She thought I might like to have it. VAUGHN: It's going to be okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Safehouse REED: (cell) Hello? SYDNEY: (cell) Hello, Mrs. Reed. I'm sorry to disturb you. This is Kathleen from Director Pembroke's office. I have the Director holding on a secure line for Lauren Reed. I was told she could be reached at this number. REED: (cell) No, Mrs. Reed's not here. She's in Berlin. SYDNEY: (cell) I'm sorry, I didn't realize she was leaving London so soon. If you don't mind me asking, when did she leave for Berlin? REED: (cell) She left here just a few hours ago. Would you like me to give her a message? SYDNEY: (cell) No, no message. Thank you. Sydney looks upset or suspicious. It's tough to tell whether she suspects Lauren's mom now, too. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside, in the rain. Unknown location, maybe L.A. or D.C., probably in the U.S. DT: Been a long time, Jack. JACK: I need information regarding a covert committee within the U.S. government. It's called the Trust. If there was such a group, where would the appropriations come from? DT: Intelligence budgets are classified. JACK: What makes you assume it's intelligence? I need evidence this group exists. DT: These people are powerful, Jack. Inquiring about them will put me at risk. Why should I do that for you? JACK: Because then I will be in your debt. I'm sure you remember how useful that can be. [SCENE_BREAK] Safehouse, Berlin VAUGHN: Marshall's standing by. As soon as we copy the memory, we'll up-link it to him. SYDNEY: How far along are we? VAUGHN: Almost a quarter of the way. Lauren is in the kitchen fiddling with her ring. She gets coffee and walks in to give it to Vaughn. Sydney watches with suspicion as her ring passes very close to the flash drive. LAUREN: (To Vaughn) Here you go. LAUREN: (to Sydney) Michael says you've been awake all night. SYDNEY: I'm good, thanks. LAUREN: Maybe later, then. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda MARSHALL: I've got some pretty bad news. The memory on Cypher's drive, it was completely wiped. I think it was exposed to a strong magnetic field. Maybe an EMP... SYDNEY: How is that possible? MARSHALL: Well, seeing that we haven't had any significant solar flare activity within the last 24 hours, I'd have to say it was done intentionally. VAUGHN: Well couldn't Cypher have corrupted the data before he handed it to us? MARSHALL: Well, it's possible he had a built-in failsafe, but I haven't found any evidence of that. SYDNEY: So we've lost everything? MARSHALL: No, not everything, thanks to me... and the wonders of electron microscopy. MARSHALL: I've been able to partially reconstruct his files, including the worm's source code. Are you guys ready for this? MARSHALL: That thing isn't purposefully destroying data. That's only a side effect. It's actually collecting information. It's what's called an intelligence gathering worm. The Covenant, they're looking for something. SYDNEY: What? I haven't quite figured that out yet. But in the meantime, I've tweaked the worm's source code so it won't destroy any more data, and all the data it is collecting will be rerouted to our servers. So whatever the Covenant's looking for, we're going to get it now. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Base BOMANI: The CIA cut the feed. TECH: I'm trying to get it back. Bomani goes over to Sark and mock chokes him. BOMANI: Tell me why I shouldn't snap your neck right now. SARK: In case it escaped your memory, I was the one who secured your release from that Siberian prison. This work is as important to me as it is to you. No one will jeopardize that. I clearly overestimated Mrs. Reed's abilities. BOMANI: You're too late for that. SARK: Yes, but she's still on the inside. I will make sure she reacquires the information that the CIA stole from us. Once she passes it along, she will be eliminated. BOMANI: She will get that information as soon as possible, then. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda [SCENE_BREAK] SYDNEY: This cannot be a coincidence. JACK: Do you really believe that Lauren would be reckless enough to corrupt the files with you and Vaughn watching? SYDNEY: If she were desperate enough, yes. Dad, if Lauren really is the Covenant mole, if she did assassinate Cypher, she could never have anticipated he'd have the code on it, let alone that he'd give it to us. JACK: What about Vaughn? SYDNEY: I've tried talking to him about it. He won't even entertain the possibility. It's like he can't hear it. JACK: Perhaps he can't hear it from you. [SCENE_BREAK] Vaughn's at the (CIA?) range. VAUGHN: Sydney spoke to you. JACK: All I ask is that you hear me out. My marriage with Irina, in spite of everything, was a happy time for me. It was easy being with her. There were times, moments when I became curious. How had she occupied her morning? What were her plans when I was out of town? JACK: Usually she told me, but occasionally she'd stop what she was doing, walk over, and offer me a kiss. A spontaneous gesture. JACK: But on one occasion it struck me. This impulsive kiss, what if it was an evasion, camouflaging the truth in an expression of love? Of course, I dismissed my concern immediately... merely professional paranoia. After all, she was my wife. JACK: I don't regret having married her. I have Sydney because of our time together. What I do regret is that once I saw signs of her duplicity, once I sensed her betrayal, I chose to ignore it. All I'm asking is that you be responsive to the signs if and when they present themselves. VAUGHN: You never respected me, never thought I was worthy of your daughter, so I'm not surprised you're so quick to think Lauren is betraying me. But whether or not you or Sydney believe me, I know the life I'm living, and I know the woman I am married to. Lauren is not Irina, and I am definitely not you. Vaughn walks out. [SCENE_BREAK] Marshall's office MARSHALL: Well, it turns out this is what the Covenant was looking for. SYDNEY: DNA? MARSHALL: Yeah, the worm was designed to cross-reference genetic databases. It's searching the entire globe for one person. And, judging by the double X chromosome, I'm saying female. SYDNEY: Have they found a match? Actually, that's a good question. There are ten. SYDNEY: Ten matches to one genetic code? Well, that's impossible. MARSHALL: Unless they're identical dectuplets, which granted is a statistical impossibility. SYDNEY: Or if the person we're looking for uses multiple identities. We should brief Dixon immediately. They rush off, past Lauren's desk. Weiss then sees her get up and go into Marshall's office, where she downloads the DNA information from Marshall's computer. Meanwhile, Vaughn is... VAUGHN: Hey, have you seen Lauren? WEISS: Yeah, I think she's in Marshall's office. Someone waylays Vaughn and gets him to sign something. Lauren finishes what she's doing and goes to the door. Vaughn's right on top of her. She looks nervous. LAUREN: You scared me. VAUGHN: I was looking for you. LAUREN: I was just leaving a present for Marshall. Well, for Mitchell. Don't worry, your name's on it too. VAUGHN: I was going to have lunch. Cafe Stella. LAUREN: Sounds great, but I've got to run a few errands. VAUGHN: Need some company? I've got time. LAUREN: You don't have to do that. I'll see you there in an hour. VAUGHN: Okay, sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside Lauren's walking along a street. Vaughn's surveilling her. She drops a note in a trash can. Vaughn grabs it. It's a to-do list. [SCENE_BREAK] At the mall Lauren's at a mall, and she's getting ready to put a disk in a garbage can with Vaughn watching... but... she gets a phone call. She puts the disk back in her purse and answers. SARK: Is this line secure? (pause) There's been a change. No dead drop. You'll be meeting with a Covenant agent. LAUREN: Who? SARK: Me. I'm in the parking garage, 3rd level. LAUREN: My situation is precarious. This is not the time to change protocol. Vaughn calls Weiss. WEISS: (cell) Weiss. VAUGHN: (cell) I need you to run a tap on Lauren's cell phone. SARK: (cell) We've devised a new plan regarding the Passenger. Bomani's instructed me to meet with you face to face. LAUREN: (cell) I'm surprised. I'd assumed that given what happened with Cypher, Bomani would be furious with me. SARK: (cell) We rely on you. You know that. WEISS: (cell) No, the call's encrypted. She must be talking to the NSC. VAUGHN: (cell) Try running it through the filter. SARK: (cell) When you get off the escalator, you'll see that I'm in the northwest corner. LAUREN: (cell) You came all this way? WEISS: (cell) Almost there. Lauren is at the entrance to the garage. SARK: (cell) We need to talk. LAUREN: (cell) There are other ways to make contact. SARK: (cell) Yes, but he insisted I meet with you face to face. LAUREN: (cell) What else did Bomani tell you? Did he instruct you in the quietest way to murder me? SARK: (cell) Absolutely not. LAUREN: (cell) You pathetic little errand boy. Tell Bomani he'll get proof of my worth the next time he sees me, when I deliver the Passenger. WEISS: (cell) Okay, got it. At this point, Vaughn and Weiss hear the conversation too. LAUREN: (cell) After all that we've been through, I thought I could rely on you. I'll never forgive you for this. She hangs up and leaves without meeting with him. WEISS: (cell) Okay. Uh, what the hell was that? VAUGHN: (cell) I have no idea. [SCENE_BREAK] Restaurant Vaughn walks up. VAUGHN: Sorry I'm late. LAUREN: That's fine. I was late myself. VAUGHN: How were your errands? LAUREN: They were fine. VAUGHN: Yeah? What'd you do? LAUREN: Just things. (forced casual laugh) VAUGHN: Okay, like what kind of things? LAUREN: The truth is, I got a call from my mother. She kept bombarding me with questions about my father, wanting to know why I didn't see it, why I didn't stop him. It was like she was blaming me. I was just so upset, so I wandered around the mall. LAUREN: What's the matter? VAUGHN: I'm just sorry you had to go through that. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda DIXON: You were right. The ten names on Marshall's list were aliases for the same woman. SYDNEY: It's possible this is what Il Dire gave Sloane besides the word "peace", a way to identify this woman. Dixon : We ran background checks on all her false identities. Medical records revealed she was always treated by the same physician, a Doctor Robert Viadro. His practice is based in Milan. Vaughn is on his way in now. You two leave tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor's House LAUREN: Good afternoon. Dr. Viadro? DOCTOR: Yes? LAUREN: I need to speak with you. It concerns the Passenger. LAUREN: That's none of your concer... The doctor knocks Lauren's handgun away with a book he's holding, then runs upstairs into a secret room. Lauren follows him and gets to him before he can close the door. LAUREN: Good. We have some privacy. She knocks him out. Cut to outside, where Vaughn and Sydney pull up in a BMW, license ED 951SZ. The Doctor has regained consciousness, evidently. He's tied up with a blue ethernet cable. Lauren injects him with something. LAUREN: Where's the passenger? LAUREN: I said, where is the passenger? DOCTOR: (slowly) She's safe. Downstairs, Sydney and Vaughn are walking around. Sydney notices a vase marked with the order of Rambaldi. SYDNEY: Vaughn. Rambaldi. VAUGHN: I'll go check upstairs. LAUREN: You had to make this difficult. Lauren has some sort of dagger she drags over his arm and hand. Then she stabs him with it. He screams. Vaughn runs upstairs. A bunch of security goons arrive and start shooting at Sydney. There's a bunch of fighting. Vaughn continues upstairs and tries to get into the secure room by shorting the security panel. Back with Lauren and the Doctor... LAUREN: It's terribly painful. Still, none were fatal. Vaughn's trying to open the door. Lauren sees him via the security camera, then sees Sydney fighting downstairs. LAUREN: Damn it! LAUREN: Tell me what I need to know. DOCTOR: I'll tell you. More fighting between Sydney and a second and third security goon. Vaughn gets into the saferoom. Lauren's not there. There's a ceiling panel hanging open. DOCTOR: The Passenger, I have betrayed her. DOCTOR: I have betrayed her. VAUGHN: Betrayed who? DOCTOR: Years spent protecting her, and now she's alone. VAUGHN: Who's she? Who are you protecting? Sydney rushes in. SYDNEY: Those guards were order of Rambaldi. DOCTOR: You're the one, the one from the prophecy. He grabs Sydney's handgun. SYDNEY: Wait, what are you... VAUGHN: Drop it! DOCTOR: You will not hurt her. Vaughn shoots the good Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] Covenant Base BOMANI: Keep this in a safe place. LAUREN: Here it is, everything you need to find the passenger. BOMANI: You went to great lengths to secure this information. Thank you. LAUREN: I trust this removes any doubts concerning my usefulness. BOMANI: Yes, you've done well. Unfortunately, the Covenant has no more use for your services. While saying this, Bomani pulls a handgun and is about to shoot her. Sark shoots him from a balcony. SARK: I went to Los Angeles to warn you, not to kill you. Perhaps in the future, you should try trusting me a little more. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda JACK: (cell) Bristow. DT: (cell) Sloane told you the truth. The black budget front for the Trust is project Centigrade. Details have been left for you in the usual place. JACK: (cell) I am in your debt. DT: (cell) A fact which I hope to benefit from some day. Be careful, Jack. The Trust is not a group to be taken lightly. Dixon approaches Jack. DIXON: I need to speak with you in private. [SCENE_BREAK] Dixon's Office DIXON: You recall that I requested Dr. Barnett's notes from her sessions with Sloane? JACK: Yes. Did they reveal anything? DIXON: Yes. There is something in the notes that concerns you. In one of his sessions with Barnett, Sloane admitted having an affair with Irina while you were married. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda Prison Jack visits Sloane. JACK: I found no evidence of the existence of the so-called "Trust". SLOANE: Oh, I find that very hard to believe, Jack. A man with your contacts. JACK: I've done everything I can. I'm afraid the secrets you keep are hard to uncover. Some of them you'll have to take to your grave. SLOANE: If I die, I won't be able to help you find the Passenger before the Covenant does, Jack. You have no idea how that will affect you... you and Sydney. [SCENE_BREAK] Rotunda SYDNEY: Dad! JACK: Sydney. I heard what happened with the Doctor. SYDNEY: We were wrong about the Passenger. It's not a weapon. It's a person. The doctor sacrificed his life trying to protect her. When he saw me it was almost like he recognized me, like I was his worst fear come to life. Dad, when he tried to kill me, he was trying to protect the Passenger from me. JACK: Sloane told me that after Il Dire said "peace", he searched for every possible meaning in that message. He traced the etymology of the word to its Greek form, Irine, also the derivation of the name Irina. Sydney, I think the passenger may be your mother. [SCENE_BREAK] Lauren and Vaughn's House LAUREN: I'm looking forward to a nice weekend alone. VAUGHN: Me too. VAUGHN: So what did you do while I was gone? Lauren walks in slow motion over to Vaughn and gives him a kiss. LAUREN: I missed you. I'm going to run a bath. She leaves the room, and Vaughn starts digging through all her stuff. He finds a wig, handgun, and passport under a false bottom in one of her suitcases.

Sydney and Jack warn a disbelieving Vaughn about their suspicions of Lauren being the CIA mole. Meanwhile, Bomani and Sark take possession of the Rambaldi machine, Sydney and Vaughn must stop a Covenant computer virus that's crippling medical facilities around the world, Sloane's secret is revealed to Jack, and Bomani begins to lose faith in Lauren's ability to carry out her Covenant missions.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_01x08

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_01x08_0

Scene: The Apartment. Sheldon: Damn you, walletnook.com. Leonard: Problem? Sheldon: The online description was completely misleading, they said eight slots plus removable ID, to any rational person that would mean room for nine cards, but they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot, it's a nightmare. Leonard: Okay, now, do you really need the honorary Justice League of America membership card? Sheldon: It's been in every wallet I've owned since I was five. Leonard: Why? Sheldon: It says keep this on your person at all times. (Knock on door) It's right here under Batman's signature. Leonard opens door. Raj and Howard are outside. Raj is holding a laptop which is open. His parents are on the screen. Raj: And this is Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Howard: Guess whose parents just got broadband. Raj: May I present, live from New Delhi, Dr and Mrs V. M. Koothrappali. Leonard: Hi. Dr Koothrappali: Lift up the camera. I'm looking at his crotch. Raj: Sorry papa. Dr Koothrappali: Oh, there's much better. Hi. Leonard: Hi! Raj: And over here is Sheldon. Sheldon: Hi. Raj: He lives with Leonard. Mrs Koothrappali: Oh, that's nice. Like Haroun and Tanweer. Raj: No, no, not like Haroun and Tanweer. Mrs Koothrappali: Such sweet young men, they just adopted the cutest little Punjabi baby. Leonard: Yeah, we're not like Haroun and Tanweer! Dr Koothrappali: So are you boys academics like our son? Together: Yes. Dr Koothrappali: And your parents are comfortable with your limited earning potential? Together: Not at all. Raj: Papa, please don't start. Dr Koothrappali: God, it's just a question, he's so sensitive. Raj: Okay, that's my life, that's my friends, good to see you, say goodbye. Together: Bye! Dr Koothrappali: Wait, wait. Before you go we have good news. Put the computer down and gather your friends. Raj: What is it papa. Dr Koothrappali: Friends. Howard (as they gather): Is it just me, or does webchatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless. Mrs Koothrappali: Rajesh, do you remember Lalita Gupta? Raj: The little fat girl that used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable. Mrs Koothrappali: Yes. Well, now she's a dental student at USC, so we gave her your contact information. Raj: Why did you do that? Dr Koothrappali: You're 26 years old Rajesh. We want grandchildren. Raj: But Papa, I'm not supposed... Mrs Koothrappali: Lalita's parents approve the match. Dr Koothrappali: If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid monsoon season. Raj: Spring wedding? Mrs Koothrappali: It's up to you dear, we don't want to meddle. Raj: If you don't want to meddle, then why are you meddling. Sheldon: If I may, your parents probably don't consider this meddling, while arranged marriages are no longer the norm, Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children's lives. Raj: Why are you telling me about my own culture? Sheldon: You seemed confused. Raj: Sorry, Mommy, Papa, but with all due respect I really can't go through... Mrs Koothrappali: Sorry darling, we have to go. Doogie Howser is on. Grandma, it's Doogie time! Bye bye. Dr Koothrappali: Bye bye. Raj: I don't believe it. Howard: Neither do I. Doogie Howser's been off the air for like, twenty years. Leonard: Actually, I read somewhere that it's one of the most popular programmes in India. Sheldon: It might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one's children enter the medical profession. Leonard: I bet you're right. Howard: I bet they love Scrubs. Sheldon: What's not to love? Raj: Excuse me, hello? My parents are trying to marry me off to a total stranger, what am I going to do? Sheldon: I suggest you go through with it. Raj: What? Sheldon: Romantic love as the basis for marriage has only existed since the nineteenth century. Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm, and it served society quite well. Howard: It's the entire premise of Fiddler on the Roof. Leonard: I'm not a big fan of musicals, but I love that show. Howard: Me too. Of course, it speaks to me culturally. Sheldon: Understandable, but there's a universality to that story which transcends ethnicity. Howard: Let's not forget it's got some really catchy tunes. All: (various noises of agreement) Raj: Okay, I know what I'm going to do. Leonard: What? Raj: Find new friends. Howard: So who wants to rent Fiddler? Sheldon: No need, we have the special edition. Leonard: Well, maybe we are like Haroun and Tanweer. Credits sequence Scene: The apartment. Sheldon (on phone): This is Dr Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the Planetarium. Yeah, well I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet. Yeah, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History and, frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. Well I'll miss you too, bye bye. Okay, I know you're texting about me, and I'd really like you to stop. Raj (entering): Oh dear, I am rightly and truly screwed. Leonard: Hey, I thought you were finding new friends. Raj: I've got some feelers out. In the meantime, listen to this. Lalita (voice from Raj's phone): Hi Rajesh, this is Lalita Gupta. Your mother gave my mother your phone number to give to me. So I'm calling you, and, ah... call me back. Bye. Raj: Can you believe how pushy she is? Leonard: So don't call her. Raj: If I don't call her, I won't hear the end of it from my parents. Leonard: So call her. Raj: How can I call her, you know I can't talk to women. Leonard: I'm done, anybody else? Howard: Give me the phone. Raj: Why? Howard: Just give it to me. (Dials) Raj: What are you doing? Howard: Don't worry, you'll thank me. (In a fake Indian accent) Hello Lalita, Raj Koothrappali. (Raj starts to chase Howard across the room.) Yes it is good to talk to you too. So, what are you wearing. Oh, not important, so, anyhow, when would you like to meet. Friday works for me. And I call you with the time and place, but in the meantime, keep it real babe. (In own voice) You may now thank me. Raj: For what, making me sound like a Simpsons character? Howard: Fine, next time make your own date. Raj: I didn't want to make this one. Leonard: Look on the bright side, she might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl. Raj: Great, then we'll get married, I won't be able to talk to her, and we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence. Howard: Worked for my parents. Penny (knocking and entering): Hi guys. Leonard: Oh, hey. Penny: I need some guinea pigs. Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try, but if your research is going to have human applications may I suggest white mice instead, their brain chemistry is far closer to ours. Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you. Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years. What's up? Penny: Well, I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bar tending shift, so I need to practice making drinks. Leonard: Oh, great, well the key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition. Sheldon: With certain obvious exceptions. Suicide, for example. Penny: So Leonard, how about it? Leonard: Look, Penny, we'd love to help you, but Raj is going through some stuff right now. And besides, he doesn't drink, so... (Raj whispers in his ear) Really? Um, Raj is going through some stuff right now and he'd like to take up drinking. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Okay, here you go, Leonard, one tequila sunrise. Leonard: Thank you. This drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container. Thank you. Penny: Okay, Raj, what'll it be? (Raj whispers in Leonard's ear.) Leonard: Whatever you recommend. Penny: Uh, how about a grasshopper. I make a mean grasshopper. Okay? Good. Coming up. Sheldon, what are you going to have? Sheldon: I'll have a diet coke. Penny: Okay, can you please order a cocktail, I need to practice mixing drinks. Sheldon: Fine. I'll have a virgin cuba libre. Penny: That's, um, rum and coke without the rum. Sheldon: Yes, Penny: So coke. Sheldon: Yes. And would you make it diet? Penny: There's a can in the fridge. Sheldon: A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge. Penny: Then swim to Cuba. Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills. Penny: Okay, Raj, here you go. Alright, who's next? Howard: I'd like to try a slippery nipple. Penny: Okay, you're cut off. Anybody need a refill? Raj: Where did my life go, Penny? One day I'm a carefree batchelor, and the next I'm married and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi. Penny: A... are you talking to me? Raj: Is there another Penny here? I had such plans. I had dreams. I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astro-physics. But with a pen1s, of course. Leonard: It's amazing. Raj: Ever since I was a little boy my father wanted me to be a gynaecologist like him. How can I be a gynaecologist, I can barely look a woman in the eye. You know what, I'm not going to let my parents control my future any longer, it's time for a showdown. Somebody give me a computer with a webcam. Penny: Okay, sweetie, I think that's the grasshopper talking. Raj: And it's about to tell my parents that I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta. Penny: Okay, calm down, no-one can make you get married. Why don't you just meet this girl and, see what happens. Raj: Haven't you been listening to me, I cannot talk to women. Leonard: Um... Raj. Howard: No, no, let's see how long it takes him. Penny: Um, Raj, honey, you say you can't talk to women but... you've been talking to me. Sheldon: And now we'll never know. Raj: You're right. I... I am talking to you. Hello Penny, how are you? Penny: I'm fine. Raj: Okay, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the grasshopper. It's a sweet green miracle. Penny: Okay, if you're going to drink on this date just promise me you won't overdo it. Raj: Overdo what? Happiness? Freedom? This warm glow inside of me that promises everything is going to be all hunky donkey? Penny: Yeah, that. Uh, why don't you bring her to my restaurant when I'm tending the bar so I can keep an eye on you? Raj: Okay. Leonard: Wait a minute, what's the plan here? Let's say he meets her and he likes her and they get married, what's he going to do, stay drunk for the rest of his life? Howard: Worked for my parents. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The restaurant. Raj: I can't believe I'm sitting here next to little Lalita Gupta. Lalita: Well, you are. Raj: Little Lalita. That's kind of fun to say. Little Lalita, Little Lalita, Little Lalita, you should try it. Lalita: No, it's okay. Raj: You have lost so much weight! That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat! Do you remember? Lalita: Yes, I do. Raj: Of course you do. Who could forget being that fat? Lalita: Well, I've been trying. Raj: So you're a dental student? Hmm, are you aware that dentists have an extremely high suicide rate? Not as high as, say, air traffic controllers, but then there are far more dentists than air traffic controllers, so in pure numbers you're still winning. Lalita: Yay me! Leonard (to Penny): You have a drink that'll make him less obnoxious? Penny: Drinks do not work that way. Howard: I'd say he was doing fine, look at her, last girl my mom set me up with had a moustache and a vestigial tail. Sheldon: Sorry I'm late. Leonard: What happened? Sheldon: Nothing, I just really didn't want to come. Virgin diet cuba libre please. Penny: Okay. Sheldon: In a tall glass, with a lime wedge. Penny: Oh, I'll wedge it right in there. Sheldon: So, how's Koothrappali d.... oh my Lord. Leonard: What? Sheldon: That's Princess Punchali. Leonard: I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita. Sheldon: No, no, Princess Punchali from The Monkey and the Princess. Howard: Oh, yeah, I tried to watch that online, but they wanted a credit card. Sheldon: It's a children's story. Howard: Oh, no it isn't. Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read it to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey, who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly. Penny: I know the reason. Leonard: We all know the reason. Sheldon, what are you getting at? Sheldon: That woman looks exactly like the pictures of Princess Punchali in the book. How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life? Howard: Every year at Comic Con. Every day at Disneyland you can hire Snow White to come to your house. Course they prefer it if you have a kid, but... Raj: Hey guys. This is Lalita Gupta, Lalita this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Penny. Isn't it great, she isn't fat any more! Sheldon: Forgive me your highness, for I am but a monkey, and it is in my nature to climb. I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair. Lalita: I'm sorry? Sheldon: You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Punchali. Lalita: Oh, no kidding? Oh, who is that? Sheldon: A beloved character from an Indian folk tale. Lalita: Oh. Us Indian, or "come to our casino" Indian? Sheldon: You Indian. Lalita: Oh. Sheldon: The resemblance is remarkable. I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair. Lalita: Thanks. I imagine you smell very nice too. Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can. Lalita: Really, so do I. Raj: But you're a dentist, he's nuts. Lalita: Don't be insulting Rajesh. So, Sheldon, tell me more about this princess you say I look like. Sheldon: It was said that the Gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars, and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips. Lalita: Oh my. Raj: Back off Sheldon. Sheldon: What? Raj: If you do not stop hitting on my lady you will feel the full extent of my wrath. Sheldon: I'm not hitting on her. Lalita: And I am not your lady. Howard: And you have no wrath. Raj: You are my lady. Our parents said so. We are for all intents and purposes one hundred percent hooked up. Lalita: Okay, let's get something straight here. The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case, I certainly don't need to be getting this old world crap from you. Sheldon: Exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Punchali led the monkeys to freedom. Raj: Oh, screw Princess Punchali. Lalita: Hey, you can't talk to me like that. Raj: But you're not Princess Punchali. Sheldon: Luckily for you, she could have you beheaded. Lalita: Sheldon, are you hungry? Sheldon: I could eat. Lalita: Let's go. Raj: What just happened? Leonard: Beats the hell out of me. Howard: I'll tell you what just happened, I just learned how to pick up Indian chicks. Scene: The apartment. Raj is talking to his parents on the webcam. Mrs Koothrappali: What are we supposed to say to Lalita's parents? Dr Koothrappali: I play golf with her father, I won't be able to look at him. Raj: Maybe you should keep your eye on the ball, Papa. Dr Koothrappali: Oh, now you're a funny man? This is not funny, Mr Funny Man. Leonard: Doctor and Mrs Koothrappali, in all fairness, it wasn't entirely Raj's fault. Dr Koothrappali: This is a family matter Sheldon. Leonard: No, I'm Leonard. Dr Koothrappali: Oh, sorry, you all look alike to us. Raj: But he's right, Papa, listen to him. (Sheldon enters) You! You are the one who ruined everything! Mrs Koothrappali: Who is it? We can't see. Dr Koothrappali: Turn us, turn us. Raj: Go ahead, tell my parents why they won't have any grandchildren. Sheldon: How would I know, do you have a low sperm count? Raj: This has nothing to do with my sperm count. Mrs Koothrappali: You are wearing the boxers that we sent you, aren't you Rajesh. Raj: Yes Mommy. Mrs Koothrappali: Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear the tidy whities. Raj: Can we please stop talking about my testicles? Sheldon, tell them what you did. Sheldon: What did I do? Leonard: You left with his date. Friends don't do that to each other. Sheldon: Oh. Alright, noted. Sorry. Raj: Sorry? That's all you can say is sorry? Leonard: Take it, Raj. It's more than I've ever gotten. Sheldon: And may I point out she wouldn't have asked me to go with her if you hadn't been drunk and boring. Dr Koothrappali: Drunk? Sheldon: And boring, her words. Dr Koothrappali: I knew it, he moves to America and becomes an alcoholic. Raj: I'm not an alcoholic. Dr Koothrappali: Then why were you drunk? Raj: It was just this one time, Papa, I swear. Dr Koothrappali: Are you in denial? Do we have to come over and do an intervention? Mrs Koothrappali: Don't embarrass him in front of his friends. Dr Koothrappali: Alright. Carry us outside, we want to talk to you in private. Raj: But Papa, please.... Dr Koothrappali: Now, Rajesh. Raj (to Leonard and Sheldon): I have to go. Dr Koothrappali: Now listen to me.... Raj: Please wait until I get into the hall. Sheldon: Okay, well, good night. Leonard: Hold on. What happened with you and Lalita? Sheldon: We ate. She lectured me on the link between gum disease and heart attacks, nothing I didn't already know, and I came home. Leonard: So you're not going to see her again? Sheldon: Why would I see her again? I already have a dentist. (Exits) Leonard: I wonder who's going to tell his parents they're not having grandchildren. Scene: Penny's restaurant. Sheldon is on the piano, singing "To Life" from Fiddler on the Roof enthusiastically. Leonard: I don't believe it, what's gotten into him? Penny: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin cuba libres that turned out to be kind of slutty. Leonard: You didn't? Penny: Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.

Raj introduces his parents, Dr. V.M. Koothrappali and Mrs. Koothrappali, to his friends via webcam. However, Raj is overwhelmed when his parents try to arrange him a date with Lalita Gupta, a childhood friend and dental student, as he cannot talk to women. To Raj's annoyance, Howard, using a fake Indian accent to impersonate Raj, phones Lalita to set up a date for them. Meanwhile, Penny takes up bar tending for some extra money. She practices mixing drinks with the guys, and they discover Raj is able to speak to women after drinking alcohol. They decide his date should be at Penny's restaurant so she and the guys can keep an eye on Raj's behavior when drinking. On his date, Raj becomes an obnoxious drunk. After Sheldon flatters Lalita with compliments comparing her to Princess Panchali, an Indian fairy tale princess, she takes him away for a meal, to Raj's horror. When Raj tries to explain all this to his parents, they are angry about his drinking. Leonard asks Sheldon if he plans to see Lalita again, but he replies that he already has a dentist.

fd_FRIENDS_03x09

fd_FRIENDS_03x09_0

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys are watching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.] The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww! Phoebe: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help. The Guys: We will. (they don't move) Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows in concentric circles. Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this. (Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monica's nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.) Monica: Every year. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down). Ross: Halftime. Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little three on three going? Rachel: Oh! That would be sooo much fun! Phoebe: Oh, can I play too? I've never played football, like ever. Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler. Chandler: No, no, no, I don't, I don't really wanna play. Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up. Chandler: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that I don't have goals! Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe it'll take your mind off Janice, and if you don't play, everyone will be mad at you 'cause the teams won't be even. Come on. Chandler: Yeah, all right, I'll play. Phoebe: Yay!! Rachel: Let's do it! Ross? Ross: What? Rachel: Do you wanna play football? Ross: Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football. Joey: Says who? Your mom? Monica and Ross: Yeah. Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football game called the 'Geller Bowl.' Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly. Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind've competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Ross's nose. Ross: It was soo not an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right into my face. And just keep running. Monica: To score the winning touchdown, by the way. Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown didn't count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose breaking. Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game. Ross: Oh yeah! Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup? Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup? Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, 'nobody won that game, ' and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it in the lake. Chandler: And was the curse lifted? Ross: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not to play football ever again. Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, it's been twelve years. Ross: Can I see you for a second? (they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment) Monica: (shouting) Once!! Ross: All right, we're gonna play. Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom won't let me cross the street. [Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their football game.] Monica: Okay. Let's bring it in. Rachel: Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it to me. Ross: Here you go. (throws her the ball) Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in the face. Joey: All right, we have to pick captains. Chandler: And then Tineals. Phoebe: Okay, so how do we decide that? Monica: Well, why don't we just bunny up. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What? Monica and Ross: (holding both of their hands above their heads making rabbit ears with their fingers.) Bunny! Monica: Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay, so um, I bunnied first so that means I get to pick first. Joey. Joey: Thank you. Rachel: Monica, I'm your best friend. Ross: Sweetie, don't worry you'll get picked. Chandler. Rachel: Ross! Monica: Phoebe. (Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.) Ross: Sweetie, now I pick you. Rachel: You don't pick me! You're stuck with me! Ross: Okay. All right. So let's see, let's play from the trash can, to the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, we'll kick off. Monica: All right people listen, I've got exactly twenty-eight minutes before I have to baste again. Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros. Monica: Huddle up. Joey: (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over here. Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle. Monica: Okay. Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler? Monica: Okay, Phoebe you know what you're doing right? Phoebe: Yeah. Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block. Phoebe: What's block? Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you know what you're doing? Phoebe: I thought you meant in life. Monica: Break. (Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball between his foot and finger.) Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Ross's foot instead.) Ross: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on! Chandler: Sorry. I'm sorry. Y'know what, we're just gonna throw it. (Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.) Joey: I got it. (catches the ball) Phoebe: Go! Go! Go! (Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a touchdown. His team all celebrates the touchdown.) Monica: Score!! 7 to nothing! Rachel: (coming over to Ross, who is just getting up) Are you okay? Ross: Come on, let's go! Monica: Losers walk! Ross: Yeah, losers talk! Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme. [cut to later, Ross's team has the ball.] Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Ross's legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun? Ross: Yeah! Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike! Monica and Joey: One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi. Three-Mississippi. (Rachel runs a quick slant.) Rachel: Over here! (Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.) Rachel: (proud of her self) I almost caught that one! Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7. Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break! Rachel: Wait, what am I gonna do? Ross: You, you go long. Rachel: Wait, how long? Ross: Until we start to look very small. Rachel: Okay. Ross: Break!! [cut to later, Monica's team has the ball.] Joey: Set....hike! Ross: One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, switch! Switch! Switch!! Chandler: No, no, no, no, no! (Monica throws the ball over Joey's head, it's stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful woman.) Joey: Haaaaa! Hey-hey, thanks for stopping our ball. Woman: (in a foreign accent) You are playing American football? Joey: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country. Woman: I'm Dutch. Joey: Hi-hi, I'm Joey. Woman: I'm Margha. Joey: I'm sorry Dutch, I didn't get that last little bit. Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (sees Marhan) Hi, I'm Chandler. Margha: Hello, Chandler. Joey: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan. Margha: Margha. Joey: Mar-klan. Margha: Mar-gha. Chandler: Mar-haaaan. [cut to Ross and Monica.] Monica: Come on guys! Let's go! Come on, it's second down. Ross: Uh, hello, it's third down. Monica: No it's not, it's second. Ross: Wow! Monica: Wow, what? Ross: It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff like this. Monica: Pulling what? It's second down. Ross: Okay, it's second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need. Monica: I heard that! Ross: Well, I said it loud. [cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.] Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch? Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why don't you stick around. You can sit right there. (she goes and sits down) Chandler: Well, that went well. Joey: I think so. Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number. Joey: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself, y'know. Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about. Joey: Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much to ya, I'll let you have her. Chandler: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didn't I wouldn't have a shot? Joey: Well I don't like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Don't feel bad man, we all have our strengths. You're better with numbers and stuff. Chandler: Math!! You're giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, we'll see who gets her. [cut to later, in Ross's huddle.] Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie.. Rachel: Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, it's like all I'm doing is running back and forth from the huddle. Ross: Well ah, you wanna just stay out there? Rachel: Can I see that for second. Ross: Yeah. (Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Ross's forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.) Ross: Okay. Hut! Hike! (Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.) Joey: Fumble! (Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joey's shirt and rips it off of his back.) Joey: What the hell's the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey. Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math. Joey: All right, that's it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself. Chandler: Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you that's mean! Monica: All right, come on guys, let's go! Tie score, and we're runnin' out of time. Forty-two!! Thirty-eight!! Hike! (the timer sounds as Monica throws the ball to Phoebe.) Phoebe: Oh I got it!! (catches the ball) Oh! Ew! Broken boob! Ow! Joey: Pheebs, run! Monica: Run, Phoebe, run! (Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.) Phoebe: Touchdown!! Touchdown!! Ross: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn't count. Monica: After the snap! Ross: Before the snap! Joey: After!! Chandler: Before!! Rachel: Now, does it really matter? All: Yes!! Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So? Ross: Oh Pheebs, that's great. It doesn't count. Monica: Does so count! Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater. Phoebe: Oh my God! Monica: Y'know what, that's fine, maybe you haven't grown up, but I have. Ross: Oh-ho, okay. Monica: Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.) Ross: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating, go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win. Phoebe: Woo-yay!! Monica: No! Listen, I'm not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you can't blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Let's just call this, tie score and it's halftime. Ross: Okay, first of all, I don't play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!! Monica: Y'know what? I'll think you'll play. Ross: Oh really! Why is that? [cut to Monica and Rachel's.] Monica: Because the winner gets this! Ross: The Geller Cup. Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four? All: Yeah. Chandler: Okay, good. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of the game.] Ross: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?! Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out. Ross: That cup is mine! Monica: No it's not! You want it, you're gonna have to win it! Rachel: All right, so are we not having dinner at all? Monica: Come on Phoebe, let's go! Come on, it's time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game. Joey: It's hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl. Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able to focus? Joey: What are you gonna do? Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, I'll take care of the rest. Joey: Okay. Monica: Break! Joey: Here you go! (Joey throws the ball to Chandler) Ross: Chandler! Chandler! (Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.) Chandler: (to Margha) Hi. (just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and tackles him) Monica: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don't see that everyday, do ya? Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's with the tackling? Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over. Ross: Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough. (They both stare each other down as we hear 'Let's get ready to r-r-r-rum-ble!!!') [SCENE_BREAK] (A long football sequence follows.) [Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandler's head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.] [Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.] [Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.] [Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.] [Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...] Phoebe: I love this game!! [cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel.] Ross: Hey, where'd you get that? Rachel: I went really long. Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done! Ross: It's no surprise that your winning, 'cause you got to pick first, so you got the better team. Monica: You're so pathetic! Why can't you just accept it, we're winning because I'm better than you. (Ross makes a 'Yeah. Right.' sound.) Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, I'll prove it to you, okay. I'll trade you Joey for Rachel, and I'll still win the game. Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, that's ridiculous Monica, because I'm only down by three touchdowns. Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls. Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey you're with me. Rachel: I can not believe your trading me!! Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Let's see what's it like to be on a winning team for a change. Rachel: Are you gonna let me play? Monica: All right then. [cut to the guys' team.] Margha: (coming over) The game is over, we eat now? Chandler: No-no-no-no, the game's not over, we're just switching teams. Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it's better if we're on the same team. Ross: Right. Okay, let's play. Let's go. Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from? Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania. Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right? Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from. Margha: Oh, my. Ross: Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Let's play some ball, guys. Joey: Whoa, whoa, no, no, I-I'm not playing with this guy, now. Chandler: Fine with me. Ross: Okay, y'know what, let's just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like? Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Margha: Which do I like? Ross: Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment, taking back to your windmill... Margha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find really weird, I would have to say, Chandler. Chandler: Yes!! Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didn't understand the question. Chandler: Well, you don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her. Margha: I'm sorry, Joey, that is my chose. Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister I'll let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.) Margha: I'm now thinking I would like to change my answer to, no one. Chandler: Wh-what? Margha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye. Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of s*x. Chandler: Y'know what, it doesn't matter, 'cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook! Ross: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We have no time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls. Chandler: We're not gonna lose to girls. Ross: Hey! It's 42-21! Joey: This sucks, I was just up by that much! Monica: Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marries. [cut to the girls huddle.] Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while you're making out... Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?! Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Let's kill 'um! Rachel: Yeah!!! Kill 'um!!! Phoebe: All right, no, well I want to kill them to, but their boys, y'know how are we gonna beat three boys? (Another football sequence follows) [Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.] [Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and it's intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesn't slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.] [Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.] [cut to the girls huddle] Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and we're down by two points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long. Rachel: No! Come on! Don't make me go long. Use me. They never cover me. Monica: Honey, there's a reason. Rachel: God, I'm not lame, okay. I can do something. I can throw, would you let me throw, come on this is my game too. Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball. Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, I'll pitch it to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break. Rachel: Thank you! Break! Monica: Thirty-two! Seventy-one! Hike! (Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.) The Guys: One-Mississippi! Two-Mississippi! Three-Mississippi! (They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.) Rachel: I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Monica: No! I'm not okay! Rachel: I'm sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didn't know what to do. Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer! Chandler: Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home! Monica: Come on! Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time! Huddle up! Phoebe: Okay. Oooh! Oh, this is our last huddle, yeah. Monica: All right, Phoebe get open. Rachel, go long. Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Okay. Monica: Break! (In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice), Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.) Rachel: (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did it!! Chandler: Hey-hey-hey Rachel, funny thing. Actually, the ah, end zone starts at that pole, so you're five feet short, so we win! Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going. (they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at the same time.) Ross: Let go! Let go! Monica: Let go! I'm a tiny little woman!! Chandler: Guys! Guys! Come on! It's Thanksgiving, it's not important who wins or loses. The important thing is, (to Joey) the Dutch girl picked me! Me! Not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!! Monica: Ow!! Closing Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.] Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe there's a like league we could join or something. Phoebe: Isn't there a national football league. Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights. Rachel: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights. Phoebe: Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you think we should bring them some? Joey: When they're hungry enough, they'll come in. [Scene: The park, it's dark outside and Monica and Ross are still fighting over the ball.] Monica: Let go! Ross: No! You let go! Monica: No! Ross: How come it's always us left in the field holding the ball? Monica: I don't know. I guess the other people just don't care enough. (It starts snowing.) Ross: Hey! It's starting to snow. (They both look up, and watch it start to snow. Then they both start fighting for the ball again.) Ross: Gimme the this! Monica: Let go!

Emotions become the feast of the day when the gang plays touch football on Thanksgiving, unleashing Ross and Monica's competitive streaks. Joey and Chandler argue over who gets to date a Dutch model watching the game. Rachel, feeling continually sidelined, makes a play that seems to win the game, but when it falls short, Ross and Monica simultaneously dive for the ball, refusing to yield it.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x09

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x09_0

DOCTOR WHO AND THE SILURIANS BY: MALCOLM HULKE 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INT. SILURIAN BASE, AT THE CAGES (Major BAKER is questioning the wisdom of the DOCTOR's peace-making attempts, as the two of them are still contained in their separate parts of the cage.) BAKER: You had no right to tell them about the Brigadier's plans. DOCTOR: I was simply trying to prevent a massacre. BAKER: What guarantee have you got that these creatures aren't going to set an ambush? DOCTOR: I had to take that risk. At least there's a chance they won't start killing each other. (The YOUNG SILURIAN leader comes across to the cages.) DOCTOR: Have you seen the humans yet? Have you spoken to them? YOUNG SILURIAN: I have destroyed them - and now I shall destroy you. (The YOUNG SILURIAN's third eye glows crimson red as he attempts to kill the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR begins to collapse, when the OLD SILURIAN comes over to the cage.) OLD SILURIAN: Stop. Do not kill it. It may be useful. Why were you killing it? (The DOCTOR slumps as the YOUNG SILURIAN is prevented from finishing him off.) YOUNG SILURIAN: We have no need for it. Or those soldiers sent to attack us. I have dealt with them. (In the background, BAKER tries to assist the DOCTOR.) BAKER: Doctor! OLD SILURIAN: I gave you no orders to do this. YOUNG SILURIAN: But they were carrying weapons, like this one. They can no longer harm us. OLD SILURIAN: But now they will send others. You forget there are now millions of these men. YOUNG SILURIAN: Then we shall destroy them all. [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. CAVES (The BRIGADIER, HAWKINS, and UNIT troops are hopelessly trapped in the caves. The soldiers are trying to break through the rock while Private ROBINS tries to call for help.) ROBINS: (Attempting to use portable phone.) UNIT leader to base. UNIT leader to base. (There is no response.) ROBINS: It's no good sir. BRIGADIER: Try once more. ROBINS: (Again attempting to use portable phone.) UNIT leader to base. It's dead sir. (The BRIGADIER turns away.) HAWKINS: Alright. It's solid rock as well, sir, we'd need explosives to shift it. BRIGADIER: Yes. HAWKINS: How can it just appear like that? We were able to walk through there a moment ago, and... (Resignedly.) and what are we going to do, sir. BRIGADIER: Afraid there's not much we can do. We're trapped. HAWKINS: (Quietly.) I suppose we'll just have to sit and wait until someone gets us out. BRIGADIER: We can't afford to wait too long. HAWKINS: At least we've got food and water. BRIGADIER: Yes but we have a limited supply of air, and we're using it up all the time. HAWKINS: How long do you reckon we've got, sir? BRIGADIER: Two or three hours, at the most. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (LIZ is reporting the DOCTOR's investigations to MASTERS.) LIZ: So you see we haven't been exactly idle down here. Whatever the impression Doctor Lawrence may have given to you. LAWRENCE: Really Miss Shaw. MASTERS: It's a remarkable accumulation of evidence. LAWRENCE: It's a lot of nonsense! The power losses are a technical problem. All I need is more reliable staff, and more facilities. Not a lot of cloak and dagger people cluttering up the place. (The phone rings and MASTERS answers.) MASTERS: Masters. (Pauses.) Yes. (Pauses.) Right. Thank you. (He hangs up.) MASTERS: That's the UNIT people at the cave mouth. They've completely lost contact with the Brigadier. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INT. SILURIAN BASE, AT THE CAGES (The DOCTOR is desperately trying to get the attention of the Silurians.) DOCTOR: Please, you must listen to me, I want to talk to you. BAKER: What do you think you're doing, haven't you done enough damage? DOCTOR: You're making a terrible mistake. I can stop you from being destroyed. (The OLD SILURIAN leader comes over to the DOCTOR.) OLD SILURIAN: We have studied your weapons. They are primitive. DOCTOR: Look, you've got no idea of the fighting power of the humans. BAKER: Be quiet! DOCTOR: They have bombs that can wipe out whole continents... BAKER: Shut up! (BAKER tries to reach through the bars of his cage into the DOCTOR's enclosure and throttle him. The OLD SILURIAN stuns BAKER into passivity, much as the YOUNG SILURIAN had tried to kill the DOCTOR. BAKER falls, choking, to the floor of the cage. The DOCTOR, exhausted, tries to appeal to reason.) DOCTOR: Please. Please, let me out of here, let me out of here. Can't you see I can do you no possible harm. (After a moment, the OLD SILURIAN uses his third eye to unlock the cage and swing open the door.) OLD SILURIAN: Come with me. (The DOCTOR looks back at BAKER, who is still lying on the floor of the cage, breathing heavily.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. CAVES (The UNIT troops trapped in the caves are beginning to tire from the heat and the greater concentration of carbon dioxide.) HAWKINS: Shouldn't we try and break out again, sir. I know it seems to be hopeless, but it... but at least we'd be doing something. BRIGADIER: The more we move... the quicker we use up the air. We'll wait. It's our only chance. (HAWKINS notices one of the men acting strangely.) HAWKINS: Sir. Look. (Private ROBINS is shaking with fear and breathing unevenly. The BRIGADIER and HAWKINS move up behind him.) BRIGADIER: You alright Robins? Robins? (Private ROBINS turns to the BRIGADIER, still quaking terribly.) ROBINS: Sir? [SCENE_BREAK] 6. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (The phone once again rings and MASTERS answers. LIZ hangs on MASTER's words.) MASTERS: Masters. (Miss DAWSON enters the conference room and is about to speak, when Dr LAWRENCE motions her to be quiet.) LAWRENCE: One minute please. MASTERS: I see. (Pauses.) Well continue the search. Let me know if there's any further news. (He hangs up.) MASTERS: Search party can't find any trace of the Brigadier. DAWSON: Search party? Good heavens, if they can't find them they'll be dead by now. MASTERS: Why do you say that? DAWSON: I found Doctor Quinn's body, I've seen what these Silurians do. LAWRENCE: They obviously got lost. DAWSON: Well then, that's all the more reason to get more men and equipment. You could mount an all-out attack, you could send troops into every one of those caves. MASTERS: The caves are vast. We'd need hundreds of men. DAWSON: But there may be hundreds of Silurians down there. LAWRENCE: Now you don't really believe that. DAWSON: Yes! (Looking to LIZ.) You've seen them. LIZ: Yes, so has the Doctor. DAWSON: Right. (Looking to LIZ.) Three people have seen them. They do exist. And we've got to attack them first. LIZ: Just because they're an alien species, that doesn't mean we have to kill them. DAWSON: But... LIZ: The Doctor thinks that we should... (LIZ breaks off as she realises where this line of conversation will lead to.) MASTERS: What, Miss Shaw? LIZ: Never mind. (LIZ turns away from MASTERS and Miss DAWSON.) MASTERS: Where is the Doctor? (LIZ doesn't answer, and MASTERS stands, clearly agitated.) MASTERS: Where did he go? LAWRENCE: Well, Miss Shaw? Where is he? (LIZ still doesn't answer, but turns towards MASTERS guiltily.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. SILURIAN BASE, LABORATORY (In a laboratory one of the chief Silurian scientists examines Major BAKER's rifle. The YOUNG SILURIAN comes across to the scientist's bench and immediately asks for a report on the weapon.) YOUNG SILURIAN: As a scientist, what have you discovered about this weapon? SILURIAN SCIENTIST: It projects a small piece of metal at high speed. (The YOUNG SILURIAN picks up the rifle, and after examining it drops it on the bench.) YOUNG SILURIAN: Crude. It is a fitting weapon for apes. SILURIAN SCIENTIST: The device has a certain ingenuity. Remember, one of us was wounded by such a weapon. YOUNG SILURIAN: The apes have become dangerous. They must be destroyed. SILURIAN SCIENTIST: Our leader seems to have different views. YOUNG SILURIAN: I know. He has taken one of these creatures into our control room. He is talking to it. SILURIAN SCIENTIST: Perhaps it may give him useful information. YOUNG SILURIAN: What information can we gain from apes? His concern for them may be dangerous! (The YOUNG SILURIAN waggles a claw in the other Silurian's face to emphasise his point.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (LIZ is still refusing to answer, and MASTERS is determined to get an answer.) MASTERS: Then let me ask you again. Where is the Doctor? LIZ: He went down into the caves, ... LAWRENCE: What? LIZ: ... ahead of the Brigadier. He wanted to make contact with the Silurians. DAWSON: Make contact! MASTERS: What was he going to say to them? LIZ: He thought if he could warn the Silurians first... DAWSON: He warned them! Why, the Brigadier has probably walked straight into a trap! LIZ: He wanted to prevent bloodshed. He has gone down into those caves to try and help. He is risking his own life. MASTERS: So now you expect us to send troops down there? LIZ: No, no, no, that's the last thing he'd want. DAWSON: Oh, never mind what your Doctor wants, he's done enough damage! Mister Masters, can't you see, you've got to get more troops and destroy these monsters. MASTERS: (Neutrally.) The search is still going on. I shall wait until I get another report. DAWSON: Aren't you going to do anything? MASTERS: Not for the moment. DAWSON: But if you don't do something now... MASTERS: I have made my decision, Miss Dawson. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. INT. SILURIAN BASE, CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR is deep in discussion with the OLD SILURIAN in the Silurians' control room.) DOCTOR: But you must see, this is a highly-developed and overcrowded planet which now belongs to man. OLD SILURIAN: This is our planet. We were here before man. We ruled this world millions of years ago. DOCTOR: Then why did you stay down here? OLD SILURIAN: A small planet was approaching the world. We calculated that it would draw off our atmosphere, destroying all life. We built this place, and suspended our lives till the atmosphere should return. DOCTOR: A small planet... yes, of course. But don't you see that small planet was drawn into the earth's orbit and became the moon? Your catastrophe never happened! [SCENE_BREAK] 10. INT. SILURIAN BASE, AT THE CAGES (Major BAKER gradually recovers from having been stunned and climbs to his feet. He tries to attract the attention of one of the Silurians passing by his cage.) BAKER: Hey you! Where's the Doctor, what's going on? (The Silurian ignores BAKER.) BAKER: Well where is he? What's he telling you? (Ignored again as the Silurian returns past the cage, BAKER shouts out aloud.) BAKER: Where are you Doctor? Telling them everything they want to know? You're nothing but a traitor. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. SILURIAN BASE, CONTROL ROOM (BAKER is loud enough to be overheard in the control room. The DOCTOR looks uncomfortable for a minute, then continues his conversation with the OLD SILURIAN.) BAKER: (Out of view.) You hear me, Doctor? A traitor! DOCTOR: But I still don't understand why you stayed down here. OLD SILURIAN: The hibernation mechanism was faulty. It did not function until a new energy source appeared. DOCTOR: The power station at the research centre. OLD SILURIAN: Yes. We are now able to drain off its energy. But soon we shall revive our civilisation, and reclaim the earth for ourselves. DOCTOR: No, you mustn't. Otherwise there'll be the most terrible war. But if you trust me, I think I can persuade the humans that you are prepared to live with them on this planet in peace. OLD SILURIAN: There is not room for both civilisations. DOCTOR: Oh yes, I think there is. You see, your people are used to living in extreme heat, whereas these areas on earth are of little interest to man. I believe with your advanced technology that you could build cities in parts of the world that man has hitherto, completely ignored. OLD SILURIAN: Would your people agree to this? DOCTOR: Well, they're not my people, but I think I could convince them, on the condition that you release those trapped men first. OLD SILURIAN: Those apes have only shown hostility to us. DOCTOR: And you to them. Someone has to make a move, otherwise this whole thing will end up in complete catastrophe. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INT. CAVES (The UNIT troops trapped in the caves have nearly exhausted the air in the small cavern. HAWKINS notices ROBINS scraping madly on the far wall.) HAWKINS: Sir. (HAWKINS and the BRIGADIER move across to the other side of the cave where ROBINS is frantically drawing silurian-like figures onto the wall with a chalky stone.) HAWKINS: You alright Robins? (Louder.) Robins? (HAWKINS taps ROBINS on the back, who suddenly turns and attacks HAWKINS. HAWKINS backs off and the BRIGADIER and another soldier restrain ROBINS from continuing the assault. After a moment ROBINS returns to his cave drawings.) HAWKINS: What's the matter with him? BRIGADIER: Same thing happened to one of the scientists at the research centre. Safe to leave him alone. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. SILURIAN BASE, CONTROL ROOM (The OLD SILURIAN's headcrest and his third eye light up as he faces one of the control panels and mentally invokes the release of the soldiers from the cavern.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. INT. CAVES (The BRIGADIER, HAWKINS, and the other UNIT soldiers are suddenly bathed in an un-natural light.) HAWKINS: Sir, look, it's opening again. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. SILURIAN BASE, CONTROL ROOM (The OLD SILURIAN's third eye finishes pulsing, and he turns to the DOCTOR.) OLD SILURIAN: The humans have been released. DOCTOR: Thank you for your trust in me. I only hope it will not be in vain. (The YOUNG SILURIAN barges in and confronts the OLD SILURIAN.) YOUNG SILURIAN: Why have you released the apes? OLD SILURIAN: I have decided that it is possible for the two species to live together on this planet. YOUNG SILURIAN: This planet is ours! OLD SILURIAN: This other species has developed its own civilisation. We must accept them, as equals. YOUNG SILURIAN: I disagree! (The YOUNG SILURIAN prepares to storm off, and turns back to utter a parting shot.) YOUNG SILURIAN: We must destroy them! [SCENE_BREAK] 16. INT. SILURIAN BASE, LABORATORY (The SILURIAN SCIENTIST is viewing a flat vision panel to compare the face of Major BAKER to that of his simian ancestors from millions of years ago. The comparison isn't all that flattering. The YOUNG SILURIAN again stalks into the laboratory.) YOUNG SILURIAN: He talks of sharing our planet with apes! I shall wipe them out! SILURIAN SCIENTIST: You have no right to disobey him. He is our leader! YOUNG SILURIAN: Perhaps he is no longer fit to lead us. Soon I shall be the leader! Help me! Or must I destroy you too? (The YOUNG SILURIAN points to his third eye with a claw.) SILURIAN SCIENTIST: Very well. I will help you. When the apes used to raid our crops we used this. (The SILURIAN SCIENTIST indicates a vial containing some murky liquid.) SILURIAN SCIENTIST: Millions were wiped out. Now, we could conduct an experiment on this ape. YOUNG SILURIAN: Yes. (The two Silurians cross to BAKER's cage, and the YOUNG SILURIAN uses his third eye to release the electronic lock. The door of the cage slowly swings open.) YOUNG SILURIAN: Leave the cage. BAKER: Why? Where are you taking me? YOUNG SILURIAN: Leave the cage! (BAKER leaves the cage, then suddenly shoves the YOUNG SILURIAN away and jumps out of the grasp of the others. Alerted, Silurians converge from the surrounding area in pursuit of BAKER.) YOUNG SILURIAN: Do not kill it. Do not kill it! We need this creature alive! (BAKER is chased around the central compound by the Silurians and after being intercepted by one Silurian, savagely knocks it down to the ground. BAKER appears to tire quickly.) BAKER: Oh. Alright, alright. You win. (As the Silurians close in on him again, he dashes through their outstretched arms and rushes down a corridor leading to the dinosaur, which rears up at him. BAKER shrinks back in horror, and another Silurian closes in on him from the other end of the corridor. He is driven back down the corridor to where two more Silurians are waiting for him. One of them clubs his back and both claw him to the ground.) SILURIAN SCIENTIST: Take him to my laboratory. We shall use this creature to destroy all its kind. (BAKER is left prostrate on the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (MASTERS, LAWRENCE, Miss DAWSON, and LIZ are silently awaiting further news, LIZ pointedly staring at one of the two phones on the desk.) DAWSON: How much longer are we going to wait? MASTERS: Search party hasn't reported back yet. LAWRENCE: (Sarcastically.) Perhaps we should send another search party to look for them? MASTERS: Charles, please. LAWRENCE: Well it's so ridiculous all these people chasing about the caves! How is it supposed to solve my problems? LIZ: The Brigadier and the Doctor are risking their lives trying to solve your problems. LAWRENCE: That's a matter of opinion. DAWSON: Well it's obvious what we should be doing, we should be attacking in force! LIZ: Oh don't be ridiculous. MASTERS: We'll get nowhere by bickering amongst ourselves. LAWRENCE: You don't under... (The BRIGADIER, fatigued and strain showing on his face, staggers into the conference room.) LIZ: Brigadier! Thank goodness! Come, sit down. BRIGADIER: It's alright, Miss Shaw. LIZ: What's happened? Come on, sit down, please. (LIZ directs him to the nearest seat and offers him a glass of water.) MASTERS: What's happened? BRIGADIER: We were trapped in those caves. DAWSON: Were the Silurians waiting for you? BRIGADIER: Er. Not exactly. A rock wall appeared in front of us, and then it vanished again. LAWRENCE: (Derisively.) Vanished? More fairy stories, Brigadier? BRIGADIER: I lost a lot of men in those caves, Doctor Lawrence. MASTERS: Have you brought the Doctor back? BRIGADIER: Well isn't he here? MASTERS: He appears to have gone down the caves ahead of you. BRIGADIER: What ever for? LAWRENCE: (Sarcastically.) I shouldn't worry about him, Brigadier. He's probably chatting quite happily to his monster friends. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INT. SILURIAN BASE, CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR is finishing negotiations with the OLD SILURIAN in the control room.) OLD SILURIAN: Do I have your assurance that the humans will agree to our sharing the planet? DOCTOR: You have my assurance that I shall tell them of your desire for peace, yes. OLD SILURIAN: Very well. I shall explain to the others, so that you may return in safety. DOCTOR: Thank you. OLD SILURIAN: You will wait here. (The OLD SILURIAN activates a force field across the door of the control room, which the ever-curious DOCTOR soon discovers he is unable to cross by bumping into it with his nose. He extends his hands to trace its outline but can go no further.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. INT. CAVES OUTSIDE SILURIAN BASE (BAKER is left unconscious on rocks outside the Silurian base. Waiting out of his direct sight behind a rock, the Silurian scientist rouses BAKER with his third eye, and the lamp on his helmet momentarily springs to life. BAKER recollects his surroundings and gathering himself together, soon flees the caves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. INT. SILURIAN BASE, AT THE CAGES (Upon finding Major BAKER's cage empty, the OLD SILURIAN has discovered his subordinates' plan to use the bacterial plague to wipe out the humans.) OLD SILURIAN: You had no right to do this without my authority. YOUNG SILURIAN: This is the method we used against them before. OLD SILURIAN: They were animals then. They are civilised now. YOUNG SILURIAN: That makes them all the more dangerous to us. OLD SILURIAN: I do not believe so. YOUNG SILURIAN: You are no longer fit to lead us. OLD SILURIAN: I shall destroy you if you defy me again. Now go. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. INT. SILURIAN BASE, CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR has discovered a vision panel in the control room displaying the earth as it was in the Silurian era, and is interestedly looking over the achievements of the vanished Silurian civilisation. The OLD SILURIAN disables the force field and enters.) DOCTOR: You once had a great civilisation. I didn't realise how advanced. OLD SILURIAN: (Urgently.) The other prisoner has been released. DOCTOR: Baker? Why, that's splendid. OLD SILURIAN: Doctor, listen to me. He has been infected with a deadly disease which may destroy millions of his species. DOCTOR: But this is diabolical. OLD SILURIAN: It is not my doing. There are those of us unwilling to share this planet. DOCTOR: Oh, is... is there any cure for this disease? OLD SILURIAN: No. But I have brought the bacteria. Perhaps your scientists can find a cure. DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, of course, but you must release me at once. OLD SILURIAN: Come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (The BRIGADIER is already planning another excursion to the caves, this time to rescue the DOCTOR.) BRIGADIER: The men have had a chance to rest now, we'll be setting off in a few minutes. Don't worry Miss Shaw, we'll find the Doctor. (Major BAKER arrives through the door of the conference room.) LIZ: Major Baker! How did you get out? Have you seen the Doctor? BAKER: Oh yes, I saw him alright, with his Silurian friends! BRIGADIER: Major Baker, just exactly what are you implying? BAKER: Huh! They didn't keep him caged up like an animal for very long. He warned them that you were coming, so that they could set up an ambush! LIZ: No, that's not... BAKER: He's gone over to their side! BRIGADIER: I don't believe that. MASTERS: Now, wait a minute! They had you caged up, how did you escape? BAKER: Ah, I got away when they weren't looking. Look it doesn't matter about me - we must blow up every entrance to those caves before the Silurians overrun us! DOCTOR: That is precisely what we must not do. BAKER: You! (Major BAKER wheels round to where the DOCTOR has just arrived.) DOCTOR: Now everyone move well away from Major Baker. Now keep right back from him. Right back. BAKER: Wh... what are you talking about? DOCTOR: (Slowly.) Major Baker. You are ill. You are very, very ill. BAKER: Oh, you don't get out of it like that! I'm placing you under arrest. BRIGADIER: Wait... (As Major BAKER moves to apprehend the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER moves to intercept him, the DOCTOR leaps up on the desk, yelling:) DOCTOR: Keep back from him! Look at your wrist. Look at it! (The BRIGADIER falls back from Major BAKER, the gruesome disease clearly apparent all over the skin of his wrist and forearm. Suddenly seeing this, BAKER slowly sinks to the floor, his eyes rolling back in their sockets.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23. INT. SILURIAN BASE, CONTROL ROOM (The YOUNG SILURIAN, the SILURIAN SCIENTIST at his side, confronts the OLD SILURIAN in the control room when he realises the Doctor has been set free.) YOUNG SILURIAN: Why did you give him the bacteria? Do you want this species to destroy us? OLD SILURIAN: They will not destroy us, and we need not destroy them. Both species can live together. YOUNG SILURIAN: That is impossible! OLD SILURIAN: I am the leader! I have decided! (The OLD SILURIAN turns away, believing he has had the last word.) YOUNG SILURIAN: Not any more! (The third eye of the YOUNG SILURIAN turns cherry red as he kills the OLD SILURIAN. The OLD SILURIAN turns around and futilely attempts to claw his attackers, and then falls to the ground dead. The YOUNG SILURIAN turns to the SCIENTIST, and then leaves the control room.) YOUNG SILURIAN: He was no longer fit to lead us. (The OLD SILURIAN's corpse is left on the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24. INT. RESEARCH CENTRE, CONFERENCE ROOM (The DOCTOR is urgently discussing the situation with MASTERS and Dr LAWRENCE.) DOCTOR: This whole place should be closed down and put in strict quarantine immediately. LAWRENCE: It would bring the centre to a standstill. DOCTOR: Yes and about time too. Well I must get down to the research centre and try to find an antidote. LAWRENCE: I refuse to permit this. Look Edward, can't you stop him, this whole story is absurd. DOCTOR: You just don't understand, do you Doctor Lawrence? MASTERS: I'm afraid I don't either. You say these creatures have infected us with a plague, but do you still want us to negotiate with them? DOCTOR: That is precisely what I want. But if this bacteria isn't contained there won't be anybody left to negotiate. (LIZ rushes in with bad news.) LIZ: Baker's gone, Doctor Meredith's just taken him to the hospital. DOCTOR: Well that's the worst thing that could have happened! Why didn't you stop him? LIZ: I tried, he wouldn't listen. DOCTOR: Brigadier, we've got to go down to the hospital straight away before Baker spreads that infection. BRIGADIER: But surely hospital's the right place for Baker? DOCTOR: Meredith doesn't know what he's dealing with - nobody does! Now please do as I say. (The DOCTOR turns to leave with LIZ.) BRIGADIER: Alright. You'll have to excuse me sir. (The BRIGADIER follows the DOCTOR and LIZ out of the conference room. LAWRENCE looks on powerlessly as MASTERS pulls together his papers into his briefcase.) LAWRENCE: What do you want me to do? MASTERS: This could be a national disaster, I must get back to London. LAWRENCE: What about the research centre? MASTERS: I'm sorry Charles, but I intend to recommend that this centre be closed immediately. LAWRENCE: But all my work! The delay will be crippling! MASTERS: My report will of course exonerate you completely. I'm sure you've done everything in your power. Well I must be going. (MASTERS rises to his feet, but suddenly feels unwell. LAWRENCE notices his pained expression.) LAWRENCE: Are you feeling alright? MASTERS: I didn't get any sleep last night. I'll send you a copy of my report. (MASTERS collects himself and leaves the conference room. LAWRENCE ruefully speaks to himself.) LAWRENCE: Thank you Edward. [SCENE_BREAK] 25. EXT. HOSPITAL DRIVEWAY. DAY (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER are driving at top speed in Bessie down the road and then the driveway of the nearby hospital. As they approach, the BRIGADIER points out a figure in a dressing gown stumbling out from the hospital near the circular termination to the driveway. As the car pulls up by him they recognise a haggard-looking Major BAKER, who collapses onto the gravel. The DOCTOR and BRIGADIER jump out of Bessie and rush to examine him.) BRIGADIER: Is he dead? (The DOCTOR looks up.) DOCTOR: Yes... the first one.

Worried about the Old Silurian's growing friendship with the Doctor, the Young Silurian has the scientist infect Baker with a virus and then release him.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x34

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_05x34_0

FURY FROM THE DEEP by VICTOR PEMBERTON first broadcast - 13thApril 1968 running time - 23mins 50secs [SCENE_BREAK] 1. CREWROOM (The two men burst into the room and stare in horror... The end of the room is filled with the foam and the heartbeat, and in the middle is a terrifying sight... the figure of ROBSON looking half-demented, his neck and hands sprouting frond-like weed formations. And out of the foam that has almost completely engulfed him, the tentacles of the giant Weed Creature is snaking about him.) JAMIE: (In almost total shock, half whispering.) It's Robson! (At his name, ROBSON started to move forward slowly towards the pair.) ROBSON: (Softly.) Come in, Doctor. I've been waiting for you. DOCTOR: What do you want with me? ROBSON: (Still slowly marching on the DOCTOR.) You are going to help our new masters. They need you. DOCTOR: They need me? VICTORIA: (Calling from another door in the corridor.) Jamie! Doctor! ROBSON: You are going to help... JAMIE: Victoria. (He rushes out to free VICTORIA.) ROBSON: ...with the conquest of the human planet. (JAMIE opens the door and frees VICTORIA.) VICTORIA: (Hugging him.) Jamie! JAMIE: Victoria! DOCTOR: Don't you realise what they've done to you? They're trying to control your mind, man! ROBSON: The mind does not exist. It is tired. It is dead. It is obsolete. Only our new masters can offer us life. DOCTOR: Matter will never conquer mind! It's against the law of nature! ROBSON: The body does not exist. Soon we shall all be one. (ROBSON leans forward, opens his mouth and breathes gas onto the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR covers his nose with his handkerchief and fights to keep himself from been overwhelmed...) DOCTOR: Jamie, hurry! Hurry, Jamie! (The DOCTOR backs out into the corridor...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CONTROL RIG COMPLEX (...to join JAMIE and VICTORIA. ROBSON follows them as they back away down the corridor towards the stairs.) ROBSON: You cannot escape. You must join us. You must join us. You will join us. (He opens his mouth again, bellowing out toxic gas.) VICTORIA: (Screams.) (ROBSON stops dead, as if he is in pain. The DOCTOR, seeing this, gets an idea.) DOCTOR: Scream again, Victoria! (VICTORIA screams again and again...) ROBSON: No... No... No... Stop... Stop! Stop! Stop! (...He backs away from the screams into the crewroom...) VICTORIA: (Still almost screaming.) Oh Doctor! DOCTOR: Come along, it's time we got out of here. (VICTORIA notices the door to the crewroom is still wide open.) VICTORIA: The door? JAMIE: Yes, should we lock him in? DOCTOR: No, no. I think it's all right now. The helicopter's waiting, come along. Mind the stairs. They're slippery. (They rush through the log room and out onto the landing pad. The whole place is covered in foam. It is almost impossible, from the ground, to see anything apart from foam...) DOCTOR: Well where's the helicopter then? VICTORIA: I can't see anything except this awful foam. JAMIE: Don't worry, Victoria, it won't hurt you. DOCTOR: (Looking up at the sky spots the helicopter.) There it is! (All three shout 'hey!' at the helicopter, but can't get its attention through all the foam.) VICTORIA: Oh, can't he see us? DOCTOR: Probably not. JAMIE: He's probably just too scared. DOCTOR: Oh Jamie, help me get this hatchway covered. We can't hang around here. The helicopter will never see us. (JAMIE helps the DOCTOR to close the hatchway to the log room to prevent ROBSON from following them.) JAMIE: But we'll never get off the rig without it! (The DOCTOR points over to the other landing pad to another helicopter - the one ROBSON used to kidnap VICTORIA.) DOCTOR: There's Robson's helicopter in there. JAMIE: But it hasn't got a driver! DOCTOR: I've been dying to get my hands on one of those things. Come on. Come on. (They rush over to the other pad.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. HELICOPTER (The three pile into the helicopter as the alien heartbeat starts up again. The foam starts to move after them. The DOCTOR tries to take off, pressing buttons and moving the pilot stick.) VICTORIA: Oh the foam, Doctor! I can't see! DOCTOR: Don't worry, Victoria, we'll soon be out of it. (The helicopter's blades accelerate enough for the DOCTOR to take off - admittedly in a sideways direction - nearly hitting a tower.) JAMIE: I hope you know what you're doing. DOCTOR: Well we're airborne, aren't we Jamie? Anyway, ask Victoria. She got kidnapped by one of these things. VICTORIA: That's the only time. DOCTOR: Now don't worry, Victoria. It's a very primitive machine, you know. It should be easy to control. VICTORIA: Doctor, look out! (The three make various exclamations - 'ohs', 'oohs' and 'ahs'- as the helicopter falls into a dive and nearly hits the sea before pulling up.) VICTORIA: Oh, no! (Again they make various exclamations of 'ohs', 'oohs' and 'ahs' as this time the helicopter pulls up and completes a loop-the-loop before levelling out again.) DOCTOR: Well, that's strange. JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: Well I was always... under the impression that you couldn't loop the loop in a helicopter. JAMIE: What? (...more exclamations as the tower of the Control Rig looms again and the helicopter nearly hits it again. Luckily for the three, the pilot of the helicopter that took the DOCTOR and JAMIE out to the rig sees what is happening and starts to communicate instructions over the RV.) PILOT: Switch back. Switch back. Nose down a bit. Go on. Right pedal down. DOCTOR: Right pedal. (The DOCTOR's helicopter obeys the pilot's instructions.) PILOT: Right pedal down! Not too much, not too much. Try and keep the nose on the horizon. Okay... okay... now it's too much! Switch back! Switch back! Switch back, you want to come up now. Come on, you're getting too near the water. Much too near the water. Switch back... switch back... pull her up... switch back! Switch back quickly! You're about to hit the water. Now try and keep still and let me think for a while. Okay, now pull her up. Switch back! Switch back! quickly, switch back! Listen to me. Now try and keep the control central. (Finally the DOCTOR's and the PILOT's helicopter are on a level course back to the Control Base.) DOCTOR: Yes, thank you so much. Oh, just one thing! I've got it up all right and it should be comparatively simple to propel it forward. However, how do I land it? (And with that the two helicopters fly off back towards the land.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. CONTROL CONE (It is all very quiet. HARRIS is walking about, just about holding onto his temper. PERKINS and MEGAN are nearby. HARRIS slams his fist on the desk in anger.) HARRIS: It's no good. We won't hear from the Doctor or any of them. We must evacuate the compound. MEGAN: No! We said an hour. He's got... ten more minutes. HARRIS: But even if he does come back, what good could he do? The only possible weapon we could have used against the weed has been destroyed. MEGAN: That was your entire stock of oxygen, was it? HARRIS: Yes. (MEGAN, using her chairperson's persona, twirls around on PERKINS and starts to give instructions.) MEGAN: Right. Perkins, get onto London to the Defence Minister. I want a full red alert on this now. Tell him what's happened and ask him to arrange for as many tankers of oxygen as he can muster to be sent here immediately. PERKINS: Yes, Miss Jones. HARRIS: They won't be in time. We must evacuate the compound! The pipeline room is a mass of weed and foam. You've seen how rapidly it reproduces. It could swamp the entire compound at any moment. MEGAN: It could! But it hasn't yet! HARRIS: And when it... MEGAN: And until it does, we stay here! HARRIS: And when it does attack, how do you expect to fight it? With what weapons? (A familiar voice rings out from the entrance to the Control Cone.) DOCTOR: Perhaps I can answer those questions, Mr Harris. (The DOCTOR, JAMIE and VICTORIA walk over to join the group.) MEGAN: Doctor! Oh, thank heavens you're alive. HARRIS: What about Robson, did you find him? JAMIE: Aye, we found him all right. HARRIS: And my wife? DOCTOR: Well we didn't see her, no. HARRIS: No! There's not much hope, is there? What can we do? How can we fight this hideous thing? DOCTOR: You say there's not much hope. I believe there is! HARRIS: But even if we succeed in fighting off the weed, what about... what about those people already affected by it? DOCTOR: Well on our way back here we stopped of at the Medicare Centre. The man that Jamie fought with in the corridor has almost completely recovered. (HARRIS and the others are astonished at this.) HARRIS: What? DOCTOR: Yes, the weed growth on his arm has disappeared and died. He's bemused, he's dazed, but he's alive! HARRIS: How? Why? What killed the weed? DOCTOR: Noise! Sound vibrations. MEGAN: How did you find out? DOCTOR: Victoria discovered it. VICTORIA: (Puzzled.) I did? DOCTOR: Well yes, you screamed. VICTORIA: (Still puzzled.) I screamed? DOCTOR: It's her scream, her particular pattern of sound that does the trick! HARRIS: So that's why the crews on the rigs spoke softly. The noise affected them. DOCTOR: Very possibly. Now, before you evacuate this compound, just give me one half hour. (The CHIEF ENGINEER comes over with a report.) CHIEF ENGINEER: Mr Harris, it is too great, sir. The entire compound is alive with seaweed. MEGAN: Half an hour won't make that much difference. Doctor, what is it that we can do? DOCTOR: We make a noise, Miss Jones, we make an awful lot of noise! HARRIS: It's too late, we'll never stop it now! DOCTOR: But we've got to, it may be too late! HARRIS: It's impossible, I tell you. It's seeping in from every corner of the compound. DOCTOR: Yes, but if we can destroy the weed's nerve centre. MEGAN: But you said yourself that you don't know where the nerve centre is. DOCTOR: But we do! It's here! HARRIS: That's the Control Rig. DOCTOR: Precisely! We must generate enough sound to penetrate the Control Rig. MEGAN: But how will you get it there? (The DOCTOR points to the pipeline.) DOCTOR: That way! Through the pipeline. This is a habit. This is the only way to help your wife and all those other people. HARRIS: I realise that, but there isn't time. DOCTOR: But please, just one half hour! HARRIS: Price. PRICE: Sir. HARRIS: What's happening in the pipeline room? (PRICE flicks a switch and the huge central video monitor screen springs into life. There is an immediate gasp from everyone in the hall. The screen shows the pipeline room, now completely engulfed in white foam and squealing, wriggling weed tentacles.) PRICE: (Shocked.) Half an hour? HARRIS: Yes, that's about all we've got. But you're right - we must try. (The DOCTOR claps his hands.) DOCTOR: Oh, thank you. Now then, Mr Price, where do all these big leads go to, um? (PRICE points out some other equipment.) PRICE: The transmitters and loud speakers down below, sir. DOCTOR: I see. PRICE: What's this all about, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well if we can boost this equipment to transmit enough sound down the pipeline, we can destroy the weed's nerve centre. MEGAN: But do you think this idea will work? DOCTOR: Have you got a tape recorder or some such thing? PRICE: Yes, I think so. (The DOCTOR turns to VICTORIA, who is standing nearby with JAMIE.) DOCTOR: Victoria, I want you to scream. VICTORIA: Scream? DOCTOR: He will record it. Make a loop of it so that we can repeat it endlessly. PRICE: Right, sir. What have we got here..? (MEGAN turns to JAMIE while PRICE explains the use of some equipment to the DOCTOR.) MEGAN: I hope he knows what he's doing. JAMIE: Of course he does - I think. CHIEF ENGINEER: Mr Harris, the impeller shaft. You men, quick! (HARRIS and some other men rush towards the impeller shaft. MEGAN rushes over to the DOCTOR, who is concealed on the floor behind the Cone sorting out a vast complex of cables and electronic equipment.) MEGAN: Oh come on, Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 5. IMPELLER AREA (The men rush into the area. The CHIEF pointed to the lift shaft.) CHIEF ENGINEER: Look, there! (He points at a flood of foam and weed that is seeping up from the lift shaft and swirling around inside the airlock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. CONTROL CONE (The DOCTOR turns with some speakers...) DOCTOR: Take these magnetised speakers and attach them to the pipeline over there. Jamie, give me a hand. (JAMIE and some engineers take the speakers and start to hook it up to the pipeline. Meanwhile PRICE has pointed a microphone at VICTORIA.) PRICE: Right, ready miss. Now, scream into this. Now. (VICTORIA looks very unnerved with the situation and looks totally lost.) VICTORIA: What now? PRICE: Yes, yes. There's not a moment to lose. VICTORIA: I can't. It's silly. (PRICE starts to get frantic.) PRICE: No, no. Please... please do help a little. VICTORIA: Oh, Doctor! (The DOCTOR comes over.) DOCTOR: What's the matter, Victoria? PRICE: She can't scream, sir. (The DOCTOR can't believe it.) DOCTOR: Oh no! Oh Victoria, that's ridiculous! VICTORIA: Jamie, you can't scream just like that! DOCTOR: Everything depends upon you screaming! (VICTORIA catches sight of something over the DOCTOR's shoulders. On the other side of the Cone, HARRIS, the CHIEF and the men that went with him are escaping from the impeller area as a great surge of foam and weed tries to force its way through a perspex door... VICTORIA starts to scream her heart out. The DOCTOR, JAMIE and PRICE cover their ears in pain and the tape in the tape recorder whirls into action recording the screams.) DOCTOR: There you are. I knew you could. HARRIS: Run! Don't just stand there! (The DOCTOR tries to hook up the speaker system while the foam starts to break through the perspex door. JAMIE moves down and tries to drag the DOCTOR to safety but the DOCTOR shrugs him off his arm.) DOCTOR: Get out of the way, Jamie! Keep away! JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: Jamie, keep away! Jamie! (HARRIS twirls around and starts to give orders to a nearby engineer.) HARRIS: All release valves open! Quick! MEGAN: What are you doing, man? HARRIS: I'm going to save the lives of an awful lot of people, Miss Jones. Close feed lines one to six! Come on, man! (MEGAN charges over in anger and shock. She almost screams at HARRIS.) MEGAN: You mean you're giving up? You're evacuating? HARRIS: Open your eyes, Miss Jones, can't you see what's happening? We're gradually being strangled. I can't risk the lives of these men here any longer. DOCTOR: Just a few more minutes, please Mr Harris. The scream is ready. HARRIS: Good! DOCTOR: And Mr Harris... HARRIS: All right, all right, what do you want us to do? DOCTOR: Now then, I've attached the speakers to the pipeline. Victoria's scream will be put through this. (He points to a small electronic gadget.) HARRIS: What... what does that do? DOCTOR: Well it's a little toy of my own. Together with the amplifiers, yes... it should produce a sonic laser sound wave. MEGAN: You mean like a laser light beam? DOCTOR: Yes, passing through the pipes. It will destroy the nerve centre of the weed. HARRIS: Will it destroy the weed here? DOCTOR: Well unfortunately no. No, we have to do battle with that ourselves. HARRIS: How? DOCTOR: With these, Mr Price. PRICE: With what? DOCTOR: If a weed's detected here, we simply point these at them (He points at the hooked-up speakers.) and hope for the best. Now, for heaven's sake, don't get in the way of the speakers, the sound'll cut you to pieces! Look there! PRICE: Look at the other two. There's another one. (He points at the communicator screen which shows weed creatures coming out of the pipeline.) HARRIS: Chief! Chief, quick! JAMIE: Doctor, how many is that? I thought that there was only one... monster. (The CHIEF rushes out to see what he can do to stop the flow of foam.) VICTORIA: Oh no! (HARRIS watches the progress of the foam on the communicator. The CHIEF is able to close one pair of doors, but fails to close the other set of doors...) CHIEF: I can't get the other two. HARRIS: It's making for the corridor. PERKINS: How many... (HARRIS calls after the CHIEF who is still trying to close the doors.) HARRIS: Chief! Chief, quick! (The DOCTOR completes his work on the circuits.) DOCTOR: There you are, that's it. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. CORRIDOR (The foam runs down the corridor from the Impeller Area towards the Control Cone... The CHIEF watches in horror and keeps trying to close the doors.) HARRIS: (OOV.) Back, Chief. (The CHIEF gives up and runs back into the Control Cone. Behind him the foam reaches the open doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. CONTROL CONE HARRIS: Full Alert! (The klaxon horn starts again.) DOCTOR: Close all doors! PERKINS: Steady on. HARRIS: I'm in charge! Close all doors! (The doors close. We hear the foam and the weed creature arrive at the Cone doors and bang against it and the doors start to buckle.) JAMIE: Those doors won't hold! (The DOCTOR gives JAMIE one of the portable speakers he has created.) DOCTOR: Point this at the monster but don't get in the way of it. HARRIS: LOOK OUT! (The main Doors cracks open and the foam runs into the room. Everybody starts to back away from the foam as quickly as possible.) DOCTOR: Back, Everybody, Back! Onto the platform. (Everybody jumps onto the control platform. The foam continues its advance. A weed creature appears at the doorway. The DOCTOR turns to PRICE who stares at the foam in almost total horror and shock...) DOCTOR: Switch it on, man, switch it on! (PRICE is in shock and doesn't throw the switch.) DOCTOR: Hold that, Jamie. (He passes his own portable speaker to JAMIE and goes over to PRICE.) DOCTOR: Which is the connector switch? The connector switch! Come on! We've got to eliminate that creature. (PRICE snaps out of his trance. The DOCTOR addresses the engineers who have their own portable speakers.) DOCTOR: Point it at the creature. (To PRICE.) Go on! (PRICE and the ENGINEERS switch on their equipment and point it at the creatures that are swarming into the room. The sounds of VICTORIA's enhanced screams are coupled with VICTORIA's real scream. The sound lashes out at the weed creature.) JAMIE: What's going on? (The Weed Creature continues to move forward - only slightly slower than before...) MEGAN: It's not working! DOCTOR: Give it a minute. MEGAN: It's not working, I tell you! We're finished! (The foam surges up the steps relentlessly and the Weed Creature itself moves closer and closer, hissing gas fumes as it approaches.) HARRIS: No! Look! (Now the bubbling white foam, up to the human's ankles and reaching out for them, starts to retreat rapidly from the room. The Weed Creature assaulted by the screams finally stops moving forward, and admitting defeat, withdraws from the room.) DOCTOR: Behind you! Look behind you! The corridor! (The communicator screen shows the corridor. The weed and foam are rushing back down the corridor. Soon both are gone and all that is left of the creature is little bits of foam.) JAMIE: It worked. HARRIS: Doctor, it worked. DOCTOR: Switch off. Price! Switch off control! (The "screams" are switched off.) PRICE: Doctor, you've done it! DOCTOR: Price, I think you better switch off the pipeline link-up. PRICE: What about... the weed's nerve centre at the Control Rig? DOCTOR: What about... PRICE: Do you think we've destroyed that? DOCTOR: Why don't you go and see? (He notices that PRICE is still recovering at the "screams" switch.) DOCTOR: Mr Price. PRICE: Right! (PRICE moves over to the communicator console.) HARRIS: Price! PRICE: Yes, sir. HARRIS: Send out the company helicopters, right away, to the Control Rig. I want a full report, right away. PRICE: Very good, sir. (Nearby, MEGAN is thanking the DOCTOR for his help.) MEGAN: Well Doctor, I still quite don't know what to say - except thank you. DOCTOR: (Beams at her.) Miss Jones, that will be more than sufficient. HARRIS: I still can't believe it. (However, the DOCTOR notices that VICTORIA is in tears, sobbing deeply.) DOCTOR: What's the matter, eh? VICTORIA: I don't know. I'm always frightened... DOCTOR: Well of course. (VICTORIA suddenly collapses and buries her head in the DOCTOR's shoulder.) VICTORIA: Oh, Doctor, I can't... DOCTOR: It's all right. VICTORIA: I can't... (JAMIE and the DOCTOR exchange worried looks. HARRIS calls to the DOCTOR from the communicator console...) HARRIS: Doctor they're safe! DOCTOR: It's all right! VICTORIA: (Still weeping.) I can't... HARRIS: They're all safe! We've won! Isn't it marvellous? DOCTOR: Come along Victoria. They're safe. Come and look for yourself. (The DOCTOR joins HARRIS and PRICE leaving JAMIE to look after VICTORIA.) HARRIS: (Talking into the communicator.) Maggie! Maggie! Mr, Robson, can you hear me? ROBSON: (From the communicator screen.) Yes, Mr Harris, we can. MAGGIE HARRIS: (From the communicator screen.) Yes, darling, we can hear you. HARRIS: Good, good. Are you all well? Has the weed gone? ROBSON: (From the communicator screen.) The weed? Oh yes, yes, it's gone. (Shouts of "It's gone" etc. before HARRIS shushes them.) HARRIS: What about Van Lutyens? I don't suppose you... ROBSON: He's fine. He's well. MAGGIE HARRIS: Darling, we're all all right, I promise you. (Shouts of "They're all all right!" and cheers.) HARRIS: Quiet everybody, quiet! Mr Robson, we're sending out one of the company helicopters to you right away. You'll be back with us in less than an hour! (More shouting and cheers.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. HARRIS' HOME (That night, the DOCTOR, VICTORIA, JAMIE, the HARRISes and ROBSON are having a party to celebrate their victory. Music is playing in the background. The happy atmosphere means that almost everything that is said is greeted with laugher.) ROBSON: Oh, I should have listened to you in the first place, Mr Harris. HARRIS: Oh I doubt it would have helped. As it turned out, we were lucky we didn't tamper with the weed. DOCTOR: Oh yes. MAGGIE HARRIS: Well the next time you ask me to get something from your desk, you can do it yourself. ROBSON: To think I wanted to keep you locked up, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well, lots of people have tried. HARRIS: They didn't want to. ROBSON: That was a very splendid dinner, Mrs Harris. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm very tired. DOCTOR: Oh, really. Oh, dear. ROBSON: See you in the morning, Doctor. DOCTOR: Well um, no. No, as a matter of fact, we must be on our way. ROBSON: Oh, dear. Where are you going? DOCTOR: Well we haven't quiet decided yet. JAMIE: Aye, even if we had it wouldn't make any difference. We wouldn't get there. Not with him... ROBSON: If you're ever around here again, do drop in. And in the front gate this time, just to avoid any unfortunate incidents. DOCTOR: Yes, well. HARRIS: Bye, Mr Robson. ROBSON: Goodbye, Mrs Harris. DOCTOR: Goodbye to you, Mr Robson. Well I suppose I think it's time we went. Jamie... a... Victoria... (VICTORIA remains seated at the table, her face resting on her hands.) JAMIE: Hey Victoria. Wakey, wakey. (VICTORIA looks at JAMIE and the DOCTOR and there were tears welling up in her eyes.) JAMIE: What's the matter? DOCTOR: You don't want to come with us, do you, Victoria? (VICTORIA looks away. The DOCTOR takes her hand and starts to pat it.) VICTORIA: I don't know. I don't really want to leave you. DOCTOR: Well, I suspected as much. VICTORIA: Would you mind? (JAMIE is shocked.) JAMIE: Victoria, you can't... DOCTOR: Just a minute, Jamie. You mean you want to stay here and settle down, um? Well, if you want to, you must. (VICTORIA buries her head and starts to gently sob.) VICTORIA: I'm sorry. DOCTOR: No that's all right. (He pats VICTORIA gently on the head and then turns to MAGGIE.) DOCTOR: Mrs Harris, I wonder if you'd mind if Victoria stayed with you for a little while. You see, she's got no parents or home and it is a bit difficult... MAGGIE HARRIS: Well of course, we'd be delighted to have you for as long as you want to stay. VICTORIA: Oh, would you? (MAGGIE hugs her in confirmation.) DOCTOR: There. Thank you very much. Jamie and I will stay for another day, just in case you want to think again. JAMIE: Look, we'll talk it over later... DOCTOR: Now, Jamie. She must make up her own mind. It's her own life. It's her decision. JAMIE: Aye. (But his face is as long as a fiddle.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. CONTROL CONE (ROBSON comes into the Control Cone to hear PRICE getting a report from a rig. All of the rigs are back up and running.) PRICE: Thank you Rig D. Normal function on all channels. Control checks positive. Closing down now. All communications remain on standby. ROBSON: All right, Price? PRICE: Oh yes, thank you, sir. Back to normal. ROBSON: Relief? PRICE: Crew's on their way sir. ROBSON: Bet you could do with a bit of shut-eye, eh? PRICE: Oh, I don't know, I think I'm a bit past it. ROBSON: Go out like a light, eh? PRICE: Probably. ROBSON: Chief still here? PRICE: Yes, in the impeller room, sir. ROBSON: Goodnight, Price. PRICE: Goodnight, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. IMPELLER ROOM (The CHIEF is checking over some equipment when ROBSON enters the room.) ROBSON: Chief. CHIEF ENGINEER: Mr Robson. ROBSON: Sound as a bell, eh? CHIEF ENGINEER: Almost, sir. ROBSON: Almost? CHIEF ENGINEER: Still half a point of capacity. ROBSON: Is it? CHIEF ENGINEER: The main control valve is slightly damaged. They're working on it now. Be up to our normal output in the morning. There's still one or two minor repairs to be done. ROBSON: Not tonight, Chief. CHIEF ENGINEER: Well why not? ROBSON: Get some sleep. Don't argue. Leave it to the relief. CHIEF ENGINEER: All right. (The CHIEF turns to leave and the rest of the crew in the room start to follow, but ROBSON whirls round on them.) ROBSON: Where do you lot think you're going? There's another three minutes before your relief arrives. (The crew turn back to work.) CHIEF ENGINEER: Nice to know you're back to normal, sir. ROBSON: If I didn't know you better, Chief, I would swear you were giving me lip. CHIEF ENGINEER: (With a slight smile.) Oh, I wouldn't dream of doing that, sir. ROBSON: Wouldn't you? Goodnight, Chief. CHIEF ENGINEER: Goodnight, sir. (He leaves the room. ROBSON allows himself a smile.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. HARRIS' HOME (Before going to bed, VICTORIA and JAMIE have a talk about her decision to stay... They both talk softly, filled with emotion.) JAMIE: Are you not tired? VICTORIA: No. No, I'm fine. I'm not tired at all. JAMIE: Do you know what the Doctor's just gone and done? VICTORIA: No. JAMIE: He's only gone down the beach for a swim. He gets worse. You're still not sure, are you? VICTORIA: Yes. But it doesn't make it any easier leaving you and the Doctor. JAMIE: Aye, we've been together a long time now. Has the Doctor said anything to you? VICTORIA: No. No. You know what he's like, he wouldn't. He believes in people making up their own mind. JAMIE: Oh, Victoria. Do you think you'll be happy here? VICTORIA: Oh, I think so. The... The Harrises are very nice people. JAMIE: Yes, I know that, but they're not from your time, are they? VICTORIA: I wouldn't be at ease back in Victorian times. I have no parents or family left there anyway. JAMIE: Aye, that's true. Oh, well. (He starts to turn away. VICTORIA calls after him in a voice filled with emotion and tears.) VICTORIA: Jamie! JAMIE: Yes? VICTORIA: You wouldn't go... without saying goodbye, would you? JAMIE: Of course not. That won't be till the morning anyway. Goodnight, Victoria. VICTORIA: Goodnight, Jamie. (They hug and then go off to their own rooms.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. BEACH (The following morning, both the DOCTOR and JAMIE hug VICTORIA for one last time. They get in the dinghy and row back to the TARDIS. They bob up and down while the DOCTOR opens the doors and the two men enter the ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. TARDIS - CONSOLE ROOM (JAMIE looks at the scanner, which shows a forlorn VICTORIA waving sadly from the beach. The DOCTOR sets the controls behind him.) JAMIE: We can't just leave her! DOCTOR: We're not leaving her, Jamie. It was her decision to stay. JAMIE: Oh! DOCTOR: She'll be perfectly all right with the Harrises. Now don't worry so much. JAMIE: I'm not, I'm just... och, come on, let's go. DOCTOR: Well, where would you like to go? JAMIE: Hmm? I couldn't care less. (He stares at the DOCTOR for a moment, almost scornfully. The DOCTOR is hurt by the implied accusation.) DOCTOR: I was fond of her too, you know, Jamie! (He throws the dematerialisation switch...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. BEACH (VICTORIA watches for the last time as the TARDIS rises above the sea and disappears into thin air - with one less passenger than it had when it arrived...)

The Doctor and Jamie rescue Victoria from Robson and realise they can destroy the Weed Creature with sound waves.

fd_Roswell_03x17

fd_Roswell_03x17_0

Title: "Four Aliens and a Baby" 60th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 3ADA17 [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Clip of Michael watching the crash. Clip of Michael looking into the base. Max: Is there a ship? Michael: There's a ship. Clip of Mr.Evans on the phone with Mrs. Evans. Mr. Evans: Did you do what I told you? Mrs. Evans: Yes. Clip of Isabel using her powers in her room and it being videotaped. Mrs.Evans: Are you all right honey? Clip of Mrs. Evans watching the video and Mr. Evans walking in. Mr. Evans: Honey? Are you ok? She inclines her head toward the tv screen. Mr.Evans: Oh my gosh. At Michael's apartment. Michael is sitting eating sunflower seeds staring at the piece of the ship he picked up from the base. Max: Michael you've been staring at that thing for hours. Michael: It's part of the crashed alien ship, Maxwell. Max: I don't think it makes it any more interesting to watch. Michael: It could be from our home planet. Max: Or not. Michael: Why aren't you taking this thing more seriously. A UFO lands Max: Crashed. And I am taking it seriously I'm just not obsessing over it like you. Michael: Obsession isn't always a bad thing. Maybe they're enemy aliens on that ship. Max: All the more reason to stay away. Michael: Have you been body snatched or something. Max: We have no reason to believe the ship was occupied. Even if it was the occupant probably died in the crash. Michael: We didn't die in our crash. (Max gives Michael a look) What should I do with this thing? Max: Keep watching. Make sure it doesn't hatch and release an army of enemy aliens. Michael: I liked you better when you were brooding and paranoid. Max smirks at him as he leaves and Michael continues to stare at the thing. Back at the base. A whole bunch of men are dressed in White suits. Scientist 1: (opens a curtained off area) Sir. Scientist 2: Any sign of a door or cockpit? Scientist 1: No, sir. Nothin yet. Watch your step sir. Scientist: Commencing systems analysis. We are recording. Scientist 2: What about a propulsions system? Scientist 1: Nothing definitive. I don't know how this thing ever flew. Scientist 2: Well it had one didn't it? Scientist 1: We just haven't found it yet. Believe me we're working as fast as we can without damaging it further. Someone started using a saw to break through and made sparks fly. Scientist 1: Hey careful. Scientist 2: No way to reverse engineer this thing The second scientist puts his hand on a jutting rock and the thing jerks and the alien symbol appears. Scientist 2: What the hell was that! As they look on the chamber opens to reveal a baby. Scientist 2: Oh my gosh. He goes to take the baby and some force rips them apart. The whole team die in an instant and the baby is taken. In Liz's room. Liz: It's really nice to be able to be close to you again, you know without Max: Setting something on fire. Liz: Yeah. Max: Yeah. You sure you're ok? Liz: Yeah I'm fine. See. (she holds up her hand) No green in sight. We're ok. Max: Are you sure this is safe, I mean, your dad is downstairs. Liz: Yeah, he's working the grill. H-He won't come up. Max: You sure? Liz: Yes. Suddenly Max's cellphone rings. Liz gets it and throws it across the room. Liz: Where is that phone. Go away. (laughs) Then Liz's phone rings. Liz: Just ignore it ok. Max: Mmhmm Liz: K? Max: Yeah. Answering machine: You've got the Parker's but we're not here. Leave a message. Mrs.Evans: (on the answering machine) Hi, Liz. It's Diane Evans. Max's mom. Um, I'm trying to find Max (they break apart) It's an emergency. Max: That's a buzz kill. Mrs. Evans: If you're there will you Liz: Hello. Hi Mrs. Evans. Um, Yes, yeah He's here. Hold on. One second. She hands Max the phone. Max: Mom, what's wrong. A family dinner. That's the emergency? (Liz starts nuzzling his ear) What kind of dinner's an emergency. Can we do this, this weekend? It's just Liz and I are studying. Liz: (whispering) French. We're studying. She laughs. Max: Biology. Ok fine. Ten minutes. All right. Bye. (he hangs up) Sorry. Liz: It's ok. Max: Can we continue this after. Liz: My dad will be finished working the grill in half an hour. Max: Well, meet me back at Michael's. It's safer anyway. Liz: What about Michael? Max: I'll get rid of him. Liz: Ok They kiss. At the remerez's apartment. Jesse is sitting eating a cold tv dinner while Isabel is on the phone with her mom. Isabel: Mom I don't want to argue with you about it. Is it really that big of a deal. Can't we just come Fine! Fine I'll come over. F-yes. We'll come over. Ok. Bye. (she hangs up) My mother wants us to go Over there for dinner. Jesse: What tonight? Isabel: Right now. Jesse: No. I'm already eating. Isabel: So stop. Jesse: Isabel. Isabel: What! Jesse: Look I really don't want to go over there. Isabel: Neither do I but we're going. Jesse: Go without me. Isabel: Jesse. I've already told her that we're both coming. Can't you just pretend that everything is alright between us for one hour. Jesse: I pretended for three straight days with your dad, Ok. I've been pretending since I found out what You are. I am sick and tired of pretending. Isabel: Welcome to my world. Ok, this is why I didn't want to drag you into all of this. Jesse: But you did, Isabel! You did! Isabel: Oh, here we go again! Let's hear it Jesse, let's hear it. Jesse: What you expect me to get over this overnight? Isabel: Fifteen days Jesse! Back at the base. FBI Agents are going over the video servaillance tape. General: Play it again. Someone rewinds the tape and all you hear is chaos and screaming. General: That's enough. So we lost all sixteen? Major Carlson: Yes sir. All eye-witnesses are dead. An automated security camera snapped this as it was leaving the building. General: I want this thing contained. I want Roswell locked down and searched until this thing is found and destroyed. You understand me? Major Carlson: Yes sir. He leaves. At the Valenti's. Kyle and Jim come home with groceries. Kyle: On the way home tonight. Jim: Yeah but I They walk into a mess like someone broke into the house. They see blood on the fridge. Jim drops the groceries. Jim: Stay behind me. Stay behind me. He goes to go get his gun. Kyle: Holy. Is that blood? Jim: Yeah I think so. Kyle's door to his room slams. They open the door and a bright flash blinds them along with a crash. Jim turns on the light and finds that something went out through the window which was still smoking. They hear helicopters flying around overhead. At the Evan's house. Mr.Evans is looking out the window at the helicopters. Mr.Evans: What's going on out there? Max: So, mom. What's for dinner? Mrs. Evans: Uh, actually, I'm not cooking tonight. Isabel: Oh, are we ordering in? Mr. Evans: We're not actually having dinner. Um, (he grabs the clicker) your mother and I have something that we want to share with you all. He turns on the videotape of Isabel using her powers. She basically goes green. On the tape. Mrs. Evans: Isabel. Are you alright honey? Isabel: Yes mom, I'm fine. Mrs. Evans turns it off and they all are quiet not sure what to say. Isabel: Oh gosh, I can't believe that you spied on me. Mrs. Evans: I'm sorry honey. But we didn't know what else to do. Mr. Evans: Can you please just tell us what this means? Who are you? Max: We're your kids. (he stands) Mr.Evans: Are you? Isabel: Yes! Suddenly there is a sound coming from the kitchen. Mrs. Evans: What was that? Max: I'll check it out. Isabel: Oh, thanks a lot Max. Max walks into the kitchen and there hiding in the shadows is a wounded Tess holding their son. Tess: (as he goes to turn away) Max. Max: Tess. Tess: Please, hold him. She falls to the floor in a faint. Mr. Evans: Max, what is it? (they all walk in) Max: It's my son. Back at the Evan's. They lay Tess on Max's bed. Max watches over her until she wakes up. Tess: Zan, where's Zan? Max: You named the baby Zan? Tess: Well he is your son, and that is your real name. Where is he? Max: In the other room with his very confused grandparents. She gets up to leave and Max forces the door closed with his powers. Max: Sit down. Tess: I guess it would be too much to ask you to heal this. Max: Making you feel better isn't one of my priorities. Tess: Ok. I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind so let's hear it. Max: I thought our baby couldn't survive in earth's atmosphere. I felt that when I connected with him. Tess: It was a mind warp. Something I needed you to believe. I had to do whatever it took to get you to Activate the granolith. Max: Including killing Alex. Tess: That's not what I meant to do. Max: What was he collateral damage. I should kill you right now. He goes to use his powers on Tess. Tess: If you kill me, you kill Zan. Max: What are you talking about? Tess: My son, our son, we're linked Max. Physically. If I die, so does he. Max: I don't believe you. Tess: Then kill me. See if I'm lying. I know you Max. You would never take that risk. You're just going To have to trust me. In the livingroom. Mrs. Evans is holding Zan. Mrs. Evans: Ok. Mr. Evans: Where do you think Tess has been all this time? A-and why do you think she's suddenly walked into our house now. Mrs. Evans: Phillip. Mr.Evans: Do you think Tess is somehow linked with what is going on with Isabel? Mrs.Evans: Phillip, shh. It can wait. Jesse walks over to Isabel. Jesse: You all right? Isabel: Are you kidding? Max is with Tess. My parents think I'm some kind of freak. Jesse: Look. It's going to be ok. Max can take care of himself and your parents will love you regardless. Isabel: (laughs) I don't know Jesse Do you? Back in Max's room. Max looks out at the helicopters. Max: So what are you doing here? Why did you come back. Tess: Kavar betrayed me. He rejected Zan as the heir and he was gonna kill him so I escaped. Max: So that was you that crashed the other night. Tess: Yeah. There was an accident. Max: With the air force jet. Tess: It was trying to shoot us down. I don't know why. Typical human response I guess. My ship was destroyed. And I woke up just as they were about to take Zan. Max: So what did you do? Tess: I protected my son. Max: And how many people did you kill in the process. Tess: I don't know. Max: How many? Tess: I don't remember. Max: How Many! Tess: Fifteen, maybe Twenty. I didn't stop to count. Max: I can't believe I ever cared about you. Tess: Well you did, and that was not a mind warp. Max: None of that matters now. We have to get our son out of Roswell. Back at the Valenti's. They try to start cleaning up Tess' mess. Kyle: Maybe we should try Max again. Jim: Yeah, maybe we should. There is a knock at the door. Jim: Stay here. He goes to get the door and 3 uniformed men are standing there. Jim: Yeah. Major Carlson: Good evening. I'm Major Carlson, United States Air Force. We've had a security breach Out at Rogers Air Force base. And the dogs led us here. Jim: Yeah, how about that. Major Carlson: Is that blood on your shoe sir? Jim: The dog certainly seems to think so. Major Carlson: We're gonna have to search your house, Now! (He pushes the door open) Jim: I'm afraid that uh The soldiers pile in the door. Jim: I, uh Kyle looks out from his bedroom door. Jim: Yeah I just came home and found it like this. Blood all over the floor. Major Carlson shows him a picture of Tess. Major Carlson: Have you seen this woman? Jim: No. No. The, uh, house was empty. You think this little blonde girl did all this? Major Carlson: Is there anyone else in the house? Jim: No. Soldier: Sir. He goes into Kyle's room and sees the blown out window. Kyle left by the same window I assume. Back at the Evans' Isabel is looking out at the helicopters. Mr and Mrs. Evans walk in with the baby. Mr.Evans: Isabel. About this tape? Isabel: Please dad. Don't make me do this right now. The phone rings. Isabel: I'll get it. Jesse: (he gets up) You stay and talk. I'll get it. She sits down o the chair. Jesse picks up the phone. It's Kyle. Jesse: Hello. Kyle: Jesse, Jesse! Thank God. Listen to me. Look, this is, this is very important. There is an alien on the loose. Jesse: Yeah we know. It's Tess. Kyle: Tess is back? Jesse: Yeah she's here. She brought Max's son. Kyle: She has the baby? Are you kidding me? Ah, my brain is exploding. (he looks in the alleyway and Sees a search truck) Look, look. These air force guys followed her scent to my place, they'll be there any second. Jesse: Wha-what should we do? Kyle: Get the hell outta there. The truck drives by Kyle and he trys to hide the phone and himself. Jesse: Look Kyle. This is actually a really bad time. Ok, I-I'm gonna have to call you back. He hangs up the phone. Kyle: Hello, Jesse. Jesse. You did not just do that. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the livingroom. Mr.Evans: Isabel we don't need a big explanation. I just, there's some things here that we just can't Understand. Jesse: Isabel. I need to talk to you in the kitchen, Now! Mr. Evans: No,no. Can't this wait. Jesse: It'll just be a minute. She gets up and follows him into the kitchen. Jesse: The military is coming for Tess and the baby. Isabel: Ok. You go get my brother I will tell my parents we have to go. Jesse: Why don't you tell them what is really going on. Maybe they could help us. Isabel: Or turn us in. Isabel walks back in to her parents. Isabel: We have to go. Mr.Evans: No, no. You're not leaving. Isabel: Dad. Mom. Listen to me. There are people coming for Max's baby. Bad people. Mrs. Evans: Isabel what are you talking about? Suddenly there is a knock at the door. Major Carlson: Major Carlson, United States Air Force. Open the door. Mr.Evans makes a move to go get the door, but Isabel stops him. Isabel: No. Dad, don't answer that. Please. Mr.Evans: The United States Air Force. Those are the bad people you're talking about. Isabel: Yes. They are coming for Max's baby. Major Carlson: Open the door, United States Air Force. Max walks in with Jesse. Max: Mom give me the baby, we have to go now. Mrs. Evans: What is going on here? They knock again. Isabel: Max's baby is an alien. Mr. Evans: He's a what? Isabel: So am I. That's how I was able to do those things on that tape. Major Carlson knocks again. Major carlson: Mr and Mrs. Evans. Open the door. Max: It's true. We're different. But you're still your children. Help us please. Major Carlson: Open the door or we'll be forced to break it down. Mr. Evans gets up to answer the door. Isabel: Dad! Mrs. Evans gets up and hands Max the baby as Mr. Evans opens the door. Major Carlson: We're here to search your home sir. You'll need to step aside. Mr.Evans: Sorry I can't let you do that. Major Carlson: I'm not asking permission. Max takes the baby and leaves. Mr.Evans: The US. Military has no juristiction here. Major Carlson: Step aside sir. Mr.Evans: Can you produce a search warrant. Major Carlson: Sargeant. He moves aside as the sargeant shoves his way in. Max and Tess walk in to Michael's apartment. Michael is watching tv and stands up and is ready to kill Tess when they walk in. Michael: Tess you are not here. Max: Michael, no. He steps in front of Tess and the baby. Michael: Maxwell get out of the way. Max: Not until you calm down. Michael: Whatever she told you she's lying. Max: She has my son. Michael: Well get the baby out of the way. Max: No. He needs her. If you kill her my son will die. Michael: Max. What the hell is she doing here? Max: It's a long story. But we need to get them out of Roswell. Michael: Yeah, my heart bleeds. Tess: Nice to see you too, Michael. Max: Hey, don't start. He takes the baby and good thing to because Liz just walked up. Michael: Ah, so you're the one that crashed in the desert the other night. Tess: You always were the quick one Guerin. Suddenly Tess is thrown back against the wall. Michael and Max look over and there is Liz in all her glory. Liz: Get up, Bitch! Liz uses her powers again on a very stunned Tess. Liz: I'll kill you. You're a murderer! I'll kill you! Max hands Michael the baby and grabs Liz. Max: Liz. Liz, no! He manages to get her back into the hall. Go Liz! Michael: Welcome back. Liz: What. What you so you trust her now? Max: No, Liz. Far from it. But Tess and my son are linked. Killing her would kill him. Liz: Yeah. That's convienient. Max: Liz I have no other choice. I have to believe her. Liz: This is insane. She betrayed all of us. She killed Alex. Max: I know. Liz: No! She has to pay for it. Max, promise me, when this is all over Tess will pay for what she did. Max: I promise. Liz: Let me know when it's over. She storms out. Kyle: Hey Liz, is everything ok? Guess not. Tess: Kyle. Thank God you're here. Kyle: Don't come near me. Tess: Kyle. At least give me a chance to explain. Kyle: Why haven't you killed her yet? Michael: Max wouldn't let me. Max: Come on, Zan. I don't think it's serious. He takes the baby from Tess. Tess: Be careful with him, Max. Kyle: So what are you doing here? Tess: Ask one of them, I'm sick of explaining. Kyle: Ok, why don't you explain what the hell you were doing in our house earlier. Tess: I thought you'd help me. Kyle: Then why'd you run away in such a hurry? Tess: I was protecting my son. Kyle: He wasn't in danger. Tess: You're father had a gun. Insincts took over. You're lucky I didn't kill you. Kyle: (laughs) I guess I owe you one. Oh, actually. No. Tess: Kyle. Kyle: We took you into our home, Tess. We protected you and how did you repay us? You brainwashed me into carrying Alex's dead body. Tess: I never meant to hurt you. Kyle: Well TOO LATE! Tess: You've never even heard my side of the story. Kyle: You have a side? The murderer has a side. Tess: I was raised by a killer, Kyle. A sick and twisted man Kyle: Don't play the victim here Tess. You know of all the aliens I've met. You're the only one who Has no soul. He walks away. Back at the Evans' The Air Force is going through the house and the Evan's are sitting at the table waiting. Mrs. Evans: This doesn't make any sense Isabel. You don't look any different. Isabel: I'm half human. Mrs. Evans: And the other half? Isabel: Mom, please. Not now. Mr. Evans: How long have you known? Jesse: About a month. Mr. Evans: And you're ok with it. Jesse: I'm trying. I mean, she's still the woman I fell in love with. She's still Isabel. He grabs her hand. The Air Force trashes the house. They find the tape that Mrs. Evans taped of Isabel. At the Crashdown. Liz: I blasted Tess and she went flying. Maria: Wait a minute. Back up a second. You blasted her? Liz: mmhmm. Maria: I thought your little power flare ups were over with. Liz: Yeah me too. But I saw her and all of this, energy just came out of me. I mean, all of this, Like anger and hatred. Ugh. I-it. I just though that that part of my life was dead and buried. Maria: Wait a minute, no. That part of your life was never dead and buried. I mean, you've never truly Gotten over that. Liz: Uh, ok but. I just want Tess out of my life. Maria: Well it's easy enough. Just walk over to one of those men over there and tell them where she's hiding. She looks over at the men sanding outside the Crashdown. Liz: No, I-I can't do that. Maria: Fine I'll do it. She gets up to leave. Liz: No. Sit down. What? Maria: I am just, I am so sick of seeing my best friend like this? She shrugs her shoulders. Liz: Like what? Maria: Like a victim. I mean, you don't have to be a victim. Forgive Max or get him out of your life. It's one or the other. Be, you have to make a decision. It's your decision. It's your life. On the Tv. Reporter: An Air force truck filled with 3 tons of explosives was stolen earlier this evening. The military Has set up check points on every road leading out of Roswell. Tess: Nice cover story. Kyle: We're screwed. Max: No we're not. Michael: What'd you got? Max: I dunno. Yet. Helicopters flash overhead and they all look up. Michael: Maxwell we're screwed. The phone rings and Max picks it up. Max: Hello? What? Michael gets up and Max hangs up. Max: That was Isabel. The Air Force found the baby's blankets and the dog picked up the scent. They'll be here in no time. Tess: We gotta go. Now! I'm getting Zan. Michael: Hey you're not the one callin the shots around here. But Maxwell she's right we gotta get the hell outta here. Tess comes back in with the baby. Max: Do you have enough energy to mind warp? Tess: I think so. Max: Ok, great. I'll grab the car. Max grabs his coat and keys and leaves. Tess: Michael have you got any milk? Michael: Uh, just snapple. Tess: Great. Kyle: Can't you breast feed? They leave. In the car. They come up on a road block. Max: Here they come. (he looks back at Tess) Get ready. She closes her eyes just as the soldier walks up with a flashlight. To him the back seat is empty. Then dogs walk up. Soldier: (he holds up a picture of Tess) Have either of you seen this woman? They look at the picture. Max: mm-mm. I haven't seen her. The dog jumps up at the car and start barking at the back seat. Soldier: Can I have you open your trunk sir? Max: Sure. He gets out and opens the trunk. Soldier: All right. As Max closes the trunk he walks back around. Max gets back into the car. Soldier: You guys are clear to go through. Suddenly the baby starts crying and breaks Tess'mind warp. Soldier: Hold it right there. (he shines the light on Tess and the baby) Get out of the car. (He aims a gun at Tess) Now! Tess: I'm sorry I couldn't hold it. Michael: Maxwell! Go, go go! Michael uses his powers and blows up the jeep that the other soldiers were standing by. Max punches the car on reverse and drives away with the soldiers shooting at them. Max: Get down! (as the get farther away) Is he ok? Tess: Yeah. Just get outta here! Back at the Evans'house. Isabel and her parents are still cleaning up the mess when the phone rings. Isabel: Hello? Kyle: They didn't make it. Isabel: What happened? Kyle: They got turned back. We need to meet back at your apartment. It's the only safe place left. Isabel: Ok, I'll be there. Mr. Evans: Are Max and the baby ok? Isabel: For now, we've gotta go. Mrs. Evans: Isabel. Honey please. Be careful. She nods and they put their coats on and leave. Mrs. Evans: Phillip. (He hugs her) At the Remerez's apartment. Max lays the baby down on Isabel's bed. He holds his sons hand and smiles. They share a tender moment and then leaves. Max: Zan's asleep. Jim: You're running out of time Max. Kyle: We need a plan B. Tess: Go, go without me. Just get Zan to safety. Max: You said he couldn't survive without you. Another lie? Michael: I knew it. Tess: You were going to kill me. I was just trying to stay alive. To keep our son safe. Now the only way To keep him safe is to let him go. Max: So the baby's not linked to you. At all? Tess: No. Zan is completely human. Isabel: What? Tess: That's why they rejected him on Antar. That's why I had to come back. Max: How is that possible? Liz: It's genetics, Max. She's half human, you're half human. You both have the DNA, it makes sense. Michael: Wait, let me get this straight. If the baby doesn't need you to survive, then we can kill you. Max: Michael. Isabel: We could. But the Air Force would still be looking for an alien. Looking for us. Michael: If the Air Force wants an alien then why don't we just give them one. Isabel: Turn her in? Maria: Yeah then they won't be looking for an alien and they'll leave us alone. Kyle: I'm sensing a plan B. Max: No. They would throw her in a white room and study her like a lab rat for the rest of her life. I've been there and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Isabel: Max this isn't a decision that you get to make. It affects all three of us. Maria: Oh no,no,no this is not an alien decision only. She killed Alex. She killed my best friend. I think that we should all get to vote. Max: All right. Fair enough. Let's put it to a vote. Yes, we turn her in. No, we try to help her. Maria: I say yes, turn her in. Jim: We shouldn't be doing this. I vote no. Isabel: I trusted you. And Alex...I vote yes. Max: I vote no. Michael. Michael: Do it. Turn her in. Max: Jesse, what do you say? Jesse: I never met her or Alex. I shouldn't get a vote. Max: Fair enough. Kyle? Kyle: I don't know. (he looks at his dad) No. I can't do it. Maria: All right Liz. Cast your vote, break the tie. Liz and Tess look at each other. Liz: I vote no. Maria: What? Are you crazy? Liz: I made my vote. (she walks away with a shocked Tess staring after her.) Max: So what are we going to do? Jim: Wait. Pray they don't find us. Later that night while everyone is sleeping. Tess goes over to Liz and wakes her up. Tess: Liz. Wake up. Liz: What. Tess: Why didn't you vote against me? Liz: Because I'm not a killer Tess. Tess: I need a favor. I need you to drive me somewhere. At the Air Force Base. Liz and Tess are in Maria's car talking. Tess: Max loves you. Every time we were together. Every time we kissed. He was thinking of you. He had these flashes that I saw and they were always of you. Liz: Why are you telling me this? Tess: Because I know how much it must have hurt you. Liz: So you're really gonna go and do this huh? Tess: At least I can do one good thing with my life. Liz: You just did. Hey, Tess. You're not going to let them throw you in the white room are you? Tess: No. She gets out of the car. Burns her way through the fence. Liz hears Shouting and gunfire and then the place blows up. Back at the apartment the baby cries as if he knows. One week later at the Evan's house. Zan is playing in his bassonette, while Max stares down at him. Mr. Evans walks in to get a coffee. Mr.Evans: Don't you think you should get some sleep? Max: Didn't I tell you? Aliens don't need sleep. They laugh. Mr.Evans: You don't have to watch him every second. Max: It's hard to tear myself away. Mr.Evans: I know how you feel. That's how I felt when we first adopted you and Isabel. The love you feel for him, Max. That's how your mother and I feel about you. No matter what. Max: They're out there dad. I know it, I can feel it. They're coming for him. Mr.Evans: No one's coming for him, Max. Your son is safe here. It's been over for days. Max: It'll never be over. Mr.Evans: Max. Max: I've been dealing with this a lot longer than you have. It's a constant battle. Mr.Evans: And your mother and I have been a part of that battle haven't we? Well, I'm sorry. But we can help you fight them now. Max: We have been fighting them. And if not these guys it will be someone else. I just want my son to live a normal life. Away from all of this. Mr. Evans: He will live a normal life, Max. He will. Max: Not if I'm a part of it. Mr.Evans: What are you saying? Max: He's human. He deserves to live a normal human life. Look all I've wanted for the past year, more than anything else in my life was to find him. And now that I finally have I, I think that I'm going to have to give him up. Mr.Evans: Max. Max: I'm a marked man. And so are you. Aw, maybe if things were different. Maybe in the future there will be a way. But right now. I have to ensure Zan's safety (he reaches over and touches him) And the only way to do that is to get him away from me. Can you help me? Mr.Evans: Are you sure about this? Max nods. Mr.Evans: I, uh, I have a law school buddy who handles things like this. He's in New York though. Max: The further away the better. The less I know about where Zan's going to end up the safer he'll be. Just promise me. You'll put him with a good family. (Mr.Evans nods) I want him to have parent like, well just like you and mom. Can you make sure he gets that. Mr.Evans: (nods) Yeah. (he puts his hand on Max's shoulder) I can do that. Outside the Evan's house. Max and his son spend the last few moments bonding while they are waiting for his mom and dad to get ready to take him. As his mom and dad walk out he picks the baby up. Liz is sitting with him for moral support. Mr.Evans: Max. It's ah, it's time. He touches the baby's forhead and it glows for a second. Mrs. Evans looks over stunned. Mrs.Evans: What was that? Max: Just a memory. He gets up and walks to his parent's car with the baby in his arms and Liz by his side. When he gets to the car his parents are waiting, he kisses his son and hands Mrs. Evans takes the baby and puts him in the car seat. As he watches his mom put the baby in the car seat he starts to cry and Liz grabs his hand. Liz: I'm here. (he looks down at her) I'll always be here. Max hugs Liz as they drive away. Last shot of a very cute baby with a spaceship rattle off to the unknown.

Max's quest to find his son ends with the return of Tess and the baby, and the gang find themselves in danger again while trying to protect the child. Meanwhile, Jesse encourages Isabel to reveal her true origins to her parents, and the elder Evans' provide a way to ensure their grandchild's safety.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x09

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x09_0

OPEN ON THE SIDEWALK [Lorelai and Rory are walking toward Luke's Diner] LORELAI: "Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties." RORY: She did not say that. LORELAI: She did say that. RORY: It seems a little wrong that Jessica Simpson is alive and well and Roy got eaten by his tiger. LORELAI: Aw. Survival of the fittest, baby. [They walk into the diner] LORELAI: Oh, man, this place is packed. RORY: Damn that Zagat guide. LORELAI: Only the loser mini-table is open. RORY: What do we do? LORELAI: Time to hover. You take the old couple, I'll hit the cybergeek. RORY: Got it. [walks over to an older couple eating] Hello. LORELAI: [walks over to a guy working on a laptop] Hello. [A few minutes later, they slide two tables together and sit down] LORELAI: That was some of the best hovering I've ever seen you do. RORY: I was taught by the best. LORELAI: But the focus - you never blinked. And the sneeze - so tiny, so dainty, so terrifying to the old. RORY: Luke's gonna be mad. I mean, he hates it when we commandeer two tables during rush hour. LORELAI: Oh, he only hated it that one time. RORY: What time? LORELAI: The time when we did it and he was mad. RORY: He's hated it every time we've done it. LORELAI: No. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: No, only the one time. RORY: Which time? LORELAI: The time we did it and he was mad. RORY: You're gonna do this to Luke, aren't you? LORELAI: 'Til he's so dizzy he throws up. RORY: Nice. Calendars? LORELAI: Let's do it. Okay, so, uh, your finals-induced hibernation period is setting in. . . RORY: Monday. LORELAI: Okay. So how about, uh, Sunday we have a major Sephora fix, maybe a movie - sort of a see-ya day before you go bye-bye? RORY: Throw in a pedicure and you got a deal. LORELAI: Done. [Luke walks over] LUKE: Hey. Coffee's gonna be ready in a sec. You know what you want? LORELAI: Oh, um, well, we need napkins to cover this big, wide, expansive table. LUKE: Okay. Uh, hey, are you in the mood for pancakes? LORELAI: Pancakes, sure, yeah. I guess we have enough space for pancakes. LUKE: 'Cause I'm making pumpkin pancakes and it comes with homemade cinnamon butter. RORY: You made cinnamon butter? LUKE: This morning. LORELAI: Wow. I bet the other people who would love a table right now but can't have one 'cause they're all taken would love pumpkin pancakes with homemade cinnamon butter. LUKE: I'll get your coffee. LORELAI: Hey, hold on. LUKE: What? LORELAI: We're sitting at two tables. LUKE: Yeah? LORELAI: You hate that. That makes you mad. LUKE: Only the one time. LORELAI: Why are you so sunny this morning? LUKE: Well, actually, I finally hired some help. RORY: Oh, good for you. LUKE: Yeah, I figured I needed the help. What the hell, get a kid in here to pick up the slack, ya know? I kind of feel like a weight's been lifted, ya know? LORELAI: Sounds very sensible. LUKE: Let me get your food going. [walks away] RORY: Okay, so, talk to me. LORELAI: Talk to you about what? RORY: Talk to me about Jason. LORELAI: There's nothing to talk about. RORY: Oh, come on. I'm in a serious romantic dry spell. I need to live vicariously through somebody. LORELAI: He has called. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: He has sent things. RORY: Pipe bombs? LORELAI: Flowers, candy. RORY: Even better. LORELAI: But I don't know, he's my father's partner, I've known him forever. I mean, can you imagine if I actually went out with someone from my 'hood? RORY: Do you like him? LORELAI: Well, he's completely not my type, but he does have a thing and the smarts and he does keep up. RORY: Maybe you should just go out with him and see what happens. LORELAI: No. Dad would flip and Mom hates him, so she would see it as some sort of personal attack and I'm just getting her off me for spilling wine on the carpet. RORY: When did you do that? LORELAI: Ninth grade. RORY: Huh. LORELAI: Things are quiet now. I just wanna keep them quiet. [A bell dings] LUKE: [calls] Hey, Brennon, pick up. RORY: Oh, my God. LORELAI: What? RORY: He hired Brennon Lewis. LORELAI: You know him? RORY: I went to junior high with him. LORELAI: And? RORY: Ew! LORELAI: He doesn't look that bad. RORY: He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich. LORELAI: Ew! RORY: He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched "The Breakfast Club" and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together. LORELAI: Okay, so Mensa's not sending him a t-shirt yet, but Luke has hired him so we have to give him a chance. [Brennon brings their plates to the table] BRENNON: You have the pancakes? LORELAI: We sure do. RORY: Hi, Brennon. BRENNON: Hey. RORY: Rory Gilmore. Um, we went to school together. BRENNON: Yeah? RORY: You don't remember. Biology - the frog? BRENNON: There have been a lot of frogs, man. RORY: Okay. Thanks for the food. BRENNON: Yep. [walks away] LORELAI: Your kids will be gorgeous. [opening credits] CUT TO YALE CAFETERIA [Rory, Paris, and Richard are eating at a table] RICHARD: This roommate of mine in sophomore year - we absolutely hated him. He was, in addition to being a complete nincompoop, rather a chubby lad. So one night, we tied him in between two mattresses and threw him out the window. RORY: What? PARIS: I'm writing that one down. RORY: Was he okay? RICHARD: Oh, he was fine. He went to sleep. He woke up in the morning and picked up right where he left off. RORY: Man. RICHARD: We wound up throwing him out the window every night for a month, and then he transferred. RORY: Well, do you think you guys tossing him out the window on a regular basis had something to do with that decision? RICHARD: Well, it crossed our minds, yes. However, we were young and full of energy. Every day was an adventure. No challenge was too great. We wanted to change the world. PARIS: This is so great. Richard, I want to thank you for inviting me to lunch. RICHARD: Well, you're very welcome, Paris. How often does a man like me get the chance to entertain two such lovely and intelligent young ladies? PARIS: You are a honey-tongued devil, aren't you, Dick? RICHARD: So, tell me, what are your plans for the game? RORY: The what? RICHARD: The game. The Harvard-Yale game. PARIS: I'm going. I already have my ticket. I bought it a month ago. RORY: You did? PARIS: It's the game, Rory. It's a memory - a college memory, and I intend on having as many college memories as possible. RICHARD: Your grandmother and I have attended every one of these games for the past 32 years. We always buy a block of seats, and we got one for you. So how about it? We'd love to take you. RORY: And I would love to go. RICHARD: Good. It'll be a wonderful day. PARIS: It will be a day to remember. [A man stops at their table] ASHER: Richard? RICHARD: Asher! Oh, look at you! ASHER: Good to see you. RICHARD: Good to see you. PARIS: [quietly to Rory] Your grandfather knows Asher Fleming? That's amazing. I read his latest book four times. He was on Charlie Rose last week and he almost kept me awake. RORY: Well, I didn't know he knew him. PARIS: I wonder if I can get an interview with him for the paper. RORY: What if I want an interview with him for the paper? PARIS: What? RORY: Well, he's my grandfather. PARIS: You're stealing my interview. RORY: No, I'm just making you crazy. PARIS: Like that's hard. Feel proud. RICHARD: Girls, I'd like to introduce you to a former classmate of mine - Asher Fleming. Asher, this is my granddaughter, Rory. RORY: Hello. ASHER: A pleasure to meet you. RICHARD: And her friend, Paris Geller. ASHER: Paris. PARIS: I saw you on Charlie Rose. You were good. ASHER: Thank you. PARIS: Not too self-important, you made your point, and managed to look remotely interested when Charlie babbled on pretentiously about nothing. ASHER: Well, Charlie Rose is a good friend of mine. PARIS: Whatever. Listen, professor, I'd love to do a profile on you for the paper. Nothing puffy. Straight-up, hard-hitting, uncensored. Your views, no slant. Tomorrow work for you? ASHER: Well, I'll, uh, have to check my schedule. I do teach, you know. PARIS: Sure, you gotta pay the bills. ASHER: Richard, terrific to see you again. Let's have lunch next week. RICHARD: Consider it a date. ASHER: Splendid. RICHARD: Right. ASHER: Goodbye, ladies. [walks away] PARIS: I'm a fan! I could've opened with that, couldn't I have? RORY: Then you wouldn't be you. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai walks in and checks the answering machine] JASON: [on answering machine] Okay, see, a better man, a smarter man, a different man, would take into account the fact that flowers, candy, and numerous phone calls have gone completely unnoticed by you. Those men would get a clue, have some pride, grow a pair, and move on. Oh, well. Lorelai Gilmore, daughter of Richard and Emily, mother of Rory, and friend to all, would you join me for dinner on Saturday night? Please call me back because I will someday find my pathetic threshold and stop trying. [Lorelai picks up the phone and calls Jason] JASON: This is Jason. LORELAI: This is Lorelai. JASON: You're kidding. LORELAI: No, I'm not. JASON: You're really calling me back? LORELAI: Yes, I am. JASON: Is there someone there who could document this - a photographer or a really fast painter? LORELAI: See, you get the girl to call you back and then you give her a hard time. JASON: You're right, I apologize. So, how are you? LORELAI: I'm fine, and you? JASON: Uh, I don't know. I've got a slight suspicion you've called to tell me you're not available for dinner on Saturday night, and that's gonna bum me out. LORELAI: Look, Jason - JASON: Okay, before you continue, just let me say that I got us reservations at the China Garden. LORELAI: Ah, you're kidding. JASON: Very hot ticket in town. Good food, great bar, quite a scene. LORELAI: How did you do that? JASON: Pulled a few strings, greased a few palms, sold myself to a sous-chef - a very tender man, I might add. LORELAI: I just want you to be happy. JASON: So, long story short - table for two at 8:30. You need a little black dress. LORELAI: I am so incredibly tempted. JASON: But? LORELAI: But you work with my father. You're hated by my mother. You come from my world. JASON: You find me repulsive. LORELAI: No, I don't, and I wish I did. JASON: Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna keep the reservation and go by myself. I've been reading about this place for months, and personally, I would like to see what all the fuss is about. LORELAI: Do you understand at all where I'm coming from? JASON: Nope, but that's okay. LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry, Jason. JASON: Me, too. I bet you look good in one of those little black dresses. LORELAI: Well, yes, I do. JASON: Goodbye, Lorelai. LORELAI: Bye, Jason. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai, Rory, Emily, and Richard are eating dinner] EMILY: It's ten o'clock at night and suddenly I hear this terrible racket. So I go outside and there is May Richmond sneaking a 6-foot Rudolph into her garage. RICHARD: That woman is working my last nerve. LORELAI: So what? RICHARD: So what? Don't you know what this means? LORELAI: I'm racking my brain. EMILY: They're going to put a giant plastic reindeer on their roof. RICHARD: Which is right next to our roof. LORELAI: So, what, are you scared they'll keep you up all night playing reindeer games? RICHARD: They can't light them up. The homeowners association has very strict rules about the amount of lights that you can display in front of your house, and they already have those lawn twinklers. EMILY: They could give up their lawn twinklers and focus solely on the reindeer. RICHARD: I don't know. They were awfully proud of their twinklers last year. It was all they talked about. LORELAI: Okay, guys - take a step back, examine the conversation you're having, and spend some time apart. RORY: May I have some more roast, please, Grandma? EMILY: Of course you may. LORELAI: It's really good tonight, Mom. EMILY: Thank you, Lorelai. RICHARD: Oh, by the way, Rory, we will pick you up in front of your residence hall tomorrow morning, nine o'clock sharp. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Tomorrow? What's happening tomorrow? EMILY: Tomorrow's the game. LORELAI: Oh, the game. . . RICHARD: The game. The Harvard-Yale game. LORELAI: Right, right. Football? EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Why does the question "Football?" get a "Lorelai"? RICHARD: Yes, it's football - the most important football game of the entire year. All of Yale will be there. LORELAI: Oh, cool. Can I go? RICHARD: You want to go to a football game? LORELAI: Well, if it's such a big deal, absolutely. EMILY: But you don't like football. LORELAI: Well, no, I'm not the diehard fan that, say, you are, Mom, but it's Rory's school. RICHARD: You won't get bored? LORELAI: Yeah, of course I'll get bored, but that's when the "South Park" impressions kick in. EMILY: Lorelai, we have invited friends - important people. LORELAI: I'm kidding, Mom. I can only do Cartman. RICHARD: So, you want to go? LORELAI: Yup. EMILY: You're sure about this? LORELAI: Absolutely positive. RICHARD: Well, I guess we could uninvite someone. EMILY: Cecil, perhaps. RICHARD: Or Donlon. EMILY: Donlon just had his colon removed. RICHARD: Well, Cecil then. I guess I should call him now, give him time to get another ticket. EMILY: I'll call his wife. LORELAI: Thanks. [Emily and Richard leave the room] RORY: What is wrong with you? LORELAI: What is wrong with you? Why didn't you get me a ticket to the game? RORY: I was saving you, dummy. LORELAI: Saving me from what? RORY: You hate football. LORELAI: So do you. RORY: Yeah, I know I hate football, but I couldn't get out of it. You could. LORELAI: Okay, so I have to go watch a football game. At least I get to hang with you before finals. RORY: You sure? LORELAI: Of course. I mean, what's a football game last? Hour, hour and a half? Longer than an hour and a half? Are you kidding me? RICHARD: Damn it. Emily, Cecil's the one who had his colon removed. I'm calling Donlon. LORELAI: Ugh. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table] LORELAI: I hate football. RORY: I tried to get you out of it. LORELAI: Well, you should have tried harder. RORY: Next time. Where's Luke? LORELAI: Probably in bed where the rest of the world is on a Saturday. Did I put on underwear? RORY: What? LORELAI: I think I forgot to put on underwear. Can you check? [pause] Did I just ask you to check if I put on underwear? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: I hate football. RORY: You just need coffee. LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: What? LORELAI: Froggy. RORY: Brennon? LORELAI: I hate that kid. RORY: I thought we were gonna give him a chance. LORELAI: Yeah, chance ended when he dumped a chili-bean omelet on me the other day. RORY: What do we do? Oh, he's coming over. [Brennon walks over] BRENNON: What can I do for you, chicas? RORY: Oh, we'd just like to order, please. BRENNON: Go ahead. LORELAI: I'll have the cheese omelet, extra cheddar, no Jack, sourdough toast, two bacons, two sausages. . .you're not writing this down. BRENNON: Don't need to. Continue. LORELAI: Two bacons, two sausages, one pancake. . .I would really like you to write this down. BRENNON: Trust me, it's all stored. What would you like? RORY: Rye toast. BRENNON: You want that toasted? RORY: Sure, why not? BRENNON: Got it. [leaves] LORELAI: Rye toast? RORY: My odds are way better than yours. LANE: Brennon! BRENNON: Oh, nice volume. LANE: This is a box of doughnuts. BRENNON: Yeah? LANE: It's supposed to be a box of bagels. BRENNON: What, they both have holes in them, right? LANE: We've already had this conversation. Get me the bagels, get me the bagels! Go. Now. Bye. KIRK: Excuse me, can I get a napkin? BRENNON: Yeah, sure. [pulls one from his pocket and drops it on the table] KIRK: Excuse me, can I get a napkin to put my napkin on? LANE: You know, this is so completely unfair. I didn't even know Luke was looking for someone. I would love to work here. RORY: Your mother would have let you? LORELAI: I mean, Luke is a man. With man parts, we think. LANE: Luke's is one of the few Mrs. Kim-approved places. No alcohol, walking distance to the church, and you can see my house from here. I totally need the money, and instead I get to return a box of doughnuts once a day. [Brennon brings a plate to the table] BRENNON: Rye toast. RORY: Told ya. BRENNON: You wanted, uh, something, right? LORELAI: Oh, excuse me just a second, won't you? BRENNON: Sure. [Lorelai walks over to Luke at the counter] LORELAI: Luke? LUKE: What are you doing here? LORELAI: Uh, we're going to the Harvard-Yale game. LUKE: You're going to the Harvard-Yale game? You know what they do at the Harvard-Yale game? LORELAI: They make babies? LUKE: They play football. LORELAI: Yes, I know they pay football. LUKE: And you're supposed to watch them play football. LORELAI: Let's not talk about me anymore. Let's talk about you. I'm worried. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: Ever since you hired Brennon, the little spark has gone out of your eyes. LUKE: It has? LORELAI: Yes, it has. And I am here to tell you that it is hell watching you go through this, so I think for your own sake, you should fire Froggy. LUKE: Froggy? LORELAI: Uh, Brennon. LUKE: You want me to fire Brennon, why? LORELAI: The spark. Remember the spark? LUKE: Why do you want me to fire Brennon? LORELAI: Come back, little spark, come back. LUKE: Lorelai. LORELAI: He doesn't write the orders down, he never brings you food that's hot or yours, he can't distinguish bagels from doughnuts, he hands out butt napkins, and he has worn that Foreigner t-shirt every single day since he started working here and he doesn't know who they are. I asked him. LUKE: What are butt napkins? LORELAI: Kirk needed a napkin, and he pulled one out of his back pocket. LUKE: Hey, Bren? BRENNON: Yeah, boss? LUKE: Did you give Kirk a napkin out of your back pocket? BRENNON: Yeah. LUKE: Don't. BRENNON: Okay. LORELAI: That's it? What about all the other stuff? LUKE: Look, you're just used to me. Give him time. LORELAI: Have you heard about the frog, the hands, and the sandwich? LUKE: No, but I heard about the rabbi, the priest, and the duck. LORELAI: You're not taking me seriously. LUKE: Hey, Bren, get Ms. Gilmore a cup of hot coffee, will ya? Give the kid a chance, all right? He's helping me out a great deal - decaf - and I have faith in him. All he needs is a little more time - black top - to learn the ropes and he'll be fine. LORELAI: Where did he go? LUKE: Uh, I don't know. CUT TO YALE [Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the ground in front of Rory's dorm] LORELAI: Where are they all going? It's Saturday morning, they should be in bed. RORY: They're excited about life. It's a college thing. LORELAI: How come you're not excited about life? RORY: I find nothing exciting before eleven. EMILY: Yoo-hoo, girls, over here! LORELAI: God, who's yoo-hooing? Oh, my God. EMILY: Lorelai, Rory. RICHARD: It's a fine day for football. LORELAI: And funny hats. EMILY: If you're going to continue sitting on the ground like that, you should get yourself a saxophone and a tip cup. LORELAI: Sorry. Up. RORY: Right. EMILY: Lorelai, what are you wearing? LORELAI: Uh, I'm sorry, you're horrified by what I'm wearing? EMILY: You're wearing crimson. LORELAI: I'm not wearing crimson. RICHARD: Oh, she can't go like that. RORY: Crimson is Harvard's color. RICHARD: That's a very dangerous choice to make today, Lorelai. LORELAI: I'm not wearing crimson. I'm wearing red. EMILY: Same thing. LORELAI: Very different. EMILY: Look at Rory. Rory is dressed in Yale colors. RICHARD: Why can't you be like Rory? EMILY: Rory looks perfect. LORELAI: Rory got dressed five minutes before you got here, and she's wearing my sweater. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Well, I could just as easily have been the one dressed right. EMILY: You can wear my jacket. LORELAI: Do you have a samurai sword under those pom-poms, Mom? Because you're gonna have to "Kill Bill" me to get me into that - EMILY: Arm. LORELAI: Yes, ma'am. RICHARD: Uh, what have you got there, Rory? RORY: Fig Newtons. RICHARD: Fig Newtons? RORY: A little dessert for later. [Emily and Richard chuckle] RORY: What's so funny? LORELAI: We got the jumbo pack. We're not cheap. EMILY: I'm sorry, Rory, we didn't mean to laugh at you. We love your Fig Newtons. RICHARD: We will honor them and eat them proudly. LORELAI: They're just Fig Newtons, guys. Don't get all freaky on us. RICHARD: Well, let's get going. LORELAI: So, what time does the game start? RICHARD: One. RORY: One? LORELAI: Then why the hell did we have to meet you at nine? EMILY: Is it absolutely necessary for you to talk like Sharon Osbourne? LORELAI: You're the one with the dirty button. RICHARD: There's much more to the big game day than the game, Lorelai. There are all kinds of rituals and traditions we Gilmores take part in. First off, a visit to Dan. EMILY: A visit to Dan. LORELAI: Who's Dan? RICHARD: Come along, ladies. LORELAI: Who's Dan? EMILY: Button your coat. LORELAI: Who's Dan? [They walk over to a glass display case with a stuffed bulldog inside] RICHARD: Girls, I'd like you to meet Dan - the original Handsome Dan. EMILY: The very first Yale mascot. RORY: Oh, my. RICHARD: Just look at him, will you. Strong, determined, the very essence of dignity. LORELAI: Got cotton stuffed in his butt. How dignified is that? RICHARD: You will not sully the name of Dan. This dog has been the inspiration for many a young man. EMILY: And young woman. RICHARD: We salute you, Dan. EMILY: Time for a toast. LORELAI: Seriously? RICHARD: Oh, it's a tradition. Here we go. The Rory flask. RORY: Oh. RICHARD: And the fun flask. EMILY: Thank you. RICHARD: Lorelai? LORELAI: Fun flask, please. RICHARD: All right, give our boys the strength to do battle yet again for the honor of Yale, and help us send the Harvard boys home in a body bag. Dan, we salute you. EMILY: To Dan. LORELAI: To Dan. RORY: To Dan. LORELAI: Mm, I like football. RICHARD: I must admit, throughout the years, I have often hoped to be able to share this day with my granddaughter. It's selfish, I know, but I am thrilled to be here with you, Rory. LORELAI: To Rory. Two more of these and I'm gonna start to understand your outfit. RICHARD: [chants] Bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow, Eli Yale. . . LORELAI: What is he doing? CROWD: Bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow. . . LORELAI: [gasps] They're joining him. RORY: Apparently, everyone has a fun flask. EMILY: You know, Cole Porter wrote that song. LORELAI: Was that before he learned to write songs? CROWD: . . .That is the sign we hail! Bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow, Eli Yale! EMILY: All right, everyone, time to move on. RICHARD: Yes, we have a lot of things to get to. LORELAI: Yeah, I hear there's a squirrel encased in concrete next door. We have to burn incense, dance around his tail with nuts in our mouths. EMILY: What can I possibly do to stop you? LORELAI: A little more of the fun flask might do the trick. EMILY: That's all until we eat. RORY: Where are we going to eat? RICHARD: Uh, it's a tailgate party. LORELAI: I'm sorry, a what? RICHARD: Oh, well, don't look so shocked, Lorelai. Tailgating was invented at Yale. LORELAI: Tailgating like tailgating? Like a beer and a hot dog in the parking lot? EMILY: Walk a little faster, please. LORELAI: Did they say "tailgating"? RORY: I think so. LORELAI: I wanted to make sure it wasn't the fun flask talking. EMILY: Girls. [They walk to the parking lot] LORELAI: Oh, so this is tailgating. RORY: It smells so good. LORELAI: [to a guy barbecuing] Hey, how are ya? Go, Yale, huh? Hi, I'm Lorelai. BENNY: I'm Benny. LORELAI: Wow, great to meet you, Benny. Tell me about this barbecue sauce. EMILY: Please don't harass people. Your daughter goes to this school. LORELAI: Hi, Mom, I'd like you to meet Benny. Benny, this is my mother, Emily. We were thinking a summer wedding. EMILY: It's nice to meet you. We're over there. LORELAI: I don't care where you are. I have found my place in life. It's here, right next to - RORY: Oh, my God. LORELAI: What? RORY: Look. [They see the elaborate tailgating area that Richard and Emily have set up] EMILY: Richard, make sure he doesn't burn those. LORELAI: See ya, Benny. Okay, let's tailgate. I really like football. [At the tailgating area, Lorelai pours Richard a drink from the fun flask] LORELAI: How's that? RICHARD: Oh, that's fine if we were in Utah. LORELAI: Message received. [pours him some more] EMILY: Don't keep drinking that, Richard. I'm making my Bloody Mary's. RICHARD: You have been working on your Bloody Mary's for an hour now. EMILY: Rome wasn't built in a day. [sets a glass on the table] Taste that, Lorelai. LORELAI: [takes a sip] Ugh! Hooyah! EMILY: Too strong? LORELAI: Just a tad. RORY: Yeah, I'm sitting across from it and I'm looking for a lampshade to wear. EMILY: All right, all right. RICHARD: Rory, come with me. I want to introduce you to some good friends of mine. RORY: Sure. [Richard and Rory walk away] EMILY: He is so proud of that girl. LORELAI: I know. EMILY: Sometimes that's all he can talk about. LORELAI: Yeah, well, it's a pretty good subject. RICHARD: [to a group of men] Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my granddaughter, Rory, class of 2007. EMILY: So, any word from that little ex-hoodlum of hers? LORELAI: No, Jess seems to be gone for good. EMILY: How is she? LORELAI: She's Rory. She's stoic. She's a lot like Dad. EMILY: She is, isn't she? And what about you? Any men snooping around? LORELAI: Uh, just on trash day. EMILY: There must be someone. LORELAI: No, no, no one. EMILY: All right. Any weaker and it would simply be tomato juice. LORELAI: Mm, very nice. EMILY: Yes? LORELAI: Mm. EMILY: Perfect. [Paris walks over to them] PARIS: Hi. LORELAI: Hi, Paris. PARIS: Is Rory here? LORELAI: Oh, no, she's over there with her grandfather. She'll be right back. Mom, do you know Paris? EMILY: Of course I know Paris. She came to Rory's sixteenth birthday party. Nice to see you again. Would you like some lemonade? PARIS: No, thank you. I won't be here long. Oh, Rory, good. Here. [hands her a camera] RORY: What's this? PARIS: I want you to take a win/lose photo. RORY: A what? PARIS: A photo as if we won and a photo as if we lost. That way, I have it to remember the day by. RORY: Why don't you just wait until we win or lose to take the photo? PARIS: Oh, please, I'm already so bored out of my mind, I'm thinking of transferring to Princeton for the hell of it. There's no way I'm gonna make it to the game. Just take the picture so I can go home. RORY: Okay. We won. [takes pictures] We lost. [takes picture] We're done. PARIS: I'm out of here. RICHARD: Oh, hello, Paris. Join us for some food? PARIS: No, thanks, Richard. Oh, by the way, thanks again for introducing me to Asher Fleming. RICHARD: Oh, did you get your interview? PARIS: No, not yet, but I'm working on it. RICHARD: Well, I pity him if he tries to resist too long. PARIS: Oh, so do I. Bye. RORY: Bye, Paris. [Paris leaves] EMILY: She's an odd little duck, that one. RICHARD: Don't I get one of those? EMILY: Well, of course you do. [A woman walks over] PENNILYN: Richard, Emily, hello. EMILY: Pennilyn. RICHARD: Nice to see you. PENNILYN: How are things? EMILY: Perfect. You? PENNILYN: Lovely. How's work? RICHARD: Just fine. How's Stephen? PENNILYN: Oh, you know. EMILY: This is our daughter, Lorelai, and our granddaughter, Rory. PENNILYN: Hello. EMILY: It's been so long, we must catch up. PENNILYN: You'll call? EMILY: Of course. PENNILYN: Well, then. . . LORELAI: Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart? PENNILYN: Yes. LORELAI: You're my almost-mommy. PENNILYN: Well, I suppose you could put it that way. LORELAI: I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony? EMILY: I'll call you, Pennilyn. PENNILYN: Uh, yes, I look forward to it. LORELAI: Bye. [Pennilyn leaves] EMILY: Lorelai! Does anything work above your neck? LORELAI: Ugh, what? EMILY: What were you thinking? LORELAI: I'm sorry, I was just trying to talk to her. EMILY: We do not talk to Pennilyn Lott. LORELAI: Ugh, I - EMILY: We run into her once a year. We say hello, goodbye, and that is it. We do not have conversations, we do not talk about our lives. LORELAI: But Mom - EMILY: We do not joke with Pennilyn Lott. We do not refer to Pennilyn Lott as anything but Pennilyn Lott, and I would appreciate you remembering that. LORELAI: Okay, seriously time for the fun flask. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Luke walks by the bakery, where a line is formed on the sidewalk outside the door] LUKE: Hey, Patty. MISS PATTY: Hi, sweetie. LUKE: Gypsy. GYPSY: Hey Luke. LUKE: Reverend Skinner. REVEREND: Afternoon, son. LUKE: Oh, hey, Kirk, I got that cheese in you like. KIRK: The Pepper Jack? LUKE: Pepper Jack, yes. Anyway, it's here, it's in if you're coming by today. KIRK: Okay. LUKE: Are you? KIRK: Am I coming by today? LUKE: Yes. KIRK: No, not today. LUKE: Kirk, listen, I got that cheese just for you. Do not leave me with three pounds of Pepper Jack on my hands. KIRK: I won't. LUKE: What are you doing here anyway? KIRK: Standing in line. LUKE: Why are you standing in line? KIRK: Because I'm a follower. LUKE: Patty? MISS PATTY: Yes, Luke? LUKE: What are all these people standing in line for? MISS PATTY: Well, it seems like such a nice day for pie. LUKE: What's going on here? KIRK: I'm sticking to the pie story. LUKE: Why do you need a pie story, Kirk? KIRK: Ask Gypsy. GYPSY: Don't pawn this off on me. LUKE: Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on? REVEREND: Luke - LUKE: Oh, sorry, Reverend. REVEREND: No, I was just gonna tell you what's going on. LUKE: Oh, good. Go ahead. REVEREND: We're all here for lunch. LUKE: Since when does Weston's serve lunch? MISS PATTY: We're sorry, Luke. We really are. LUKE: You're sorry about what? KIRK: About not eating at your diner anymore. LUKE: You're not eating at my diner anymore? Why? MISS PATTY: We hate the kid. LUKE: Brennon? KIRK: Brennon, Satan, whatever. LUKE: Wait a minute, don't you think you're all just overreacting a little bit? He's just a kid. GYPSY: A really weird kid. He'll be looking directly at you and start laughing. No one knows why. He's just there, laughing. LUKE: He laughs? That's why you hate him? The kid laughs? KIRK: You'd have to hear it. LUKE: I don't believe you people. You've been coming to my diner for years, and now, all of a sudden, because I give a local kid a break, try to teach him a skill, give him a chance to get a little extra cash, a little independence, you all just up and leave? I mean, so he's not the most popular kid in town. If I remember correctly, I wasn't exactly the most popular kid in town either. GYPSY: Yeah, but you didn't do that laughing thing. LUKE: Yeah, whatever I did, I grew up, I got responsible. This town gave me a chance, and I proved them right. Now you're all just gonna stand there and tell me that that's it, that you've given out all the passes that you had and you're not coming to my diner anymore because you don't like Brennon? Well, fine. Fine! Do not come to my diner. From now on, every day is a nice day for pie. [Luke starts walking toward the diner. Through the window, he sees Brennon singing and dancing on one of the tables. He walks back to the bakery line] LUKE: Just give me ten minutes. CUT TO YALE [Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Richard are eating lunch at their tailgating area] RICHARD: I think I have officially eaten a third of a cow. RORY: Mm, the steak is incredible. EMILY: I'm glad you're all enjoying it. Lorelai, how's your steak? LORELAI: Why do you ask? EMILY: That's it. Hand over the flask. LORELAI: I do not know what you're talking about. There's no flask here. RORY: What's going on over there? EMILY: Oh, Richard, it's Dan. RICHARD: Dan? It's Dan! It's Dan! LORELAI: I thought we already saw Dan. EMILY: This is the current Dan. RICHARD: Emily, get his bone. EMILY: Got it. [they walk over to the dog] Here you go, Dan. LORELAI: Enjoy it now. I just saw your future and it ain't good. [Marty walks over] MARTY: Rory, hey. RORY: Hey, did you see Dan? MARTY: Well, you can't help it. He's everywhere today in one form or another. RORY: I want you to meet my mom. LORELAI: I'll distract them, and you make a run for it. Dan, are you listening to me? Stop eating. Your freedom's at stake here. RORY: Mom? LORELAI: I was just petting him. RORY: I want you to meet Marty. LORELAI: Oh, naked guy. MARTY: You told your mother about me. RORY: Um, yeah. Well, I included some anecdotes where you were actually clothed, too. MARTY: Oh, I appreciate that. RICHARD: And who is this young man? RORY: This is Marty. He lives in my residence hall. EMILY: It's very nice to meet you, Marty. RICHARD: Why did my daughter just call you "naked guy"? RORY: I now owe you money. MARTY: I, uh, had an unfortunate experience with a keg and a party and a need to take my clothes off and fall asleep in a hallway. EMILY: Oh, my goodness. RICHARD: Oh, please, that's nothing. I was naked an entire month my sophomore year. RORY: What? LORELAI: Welcome to tonight's episode of "Things I Never Needed to Know About My Father." RICHARD: I and a group of like-minded young men decided to protest the new dress code by wearing silk ties and nothing else. We were written up by the dean of admissions and threatened with expulsion. We were also suddenly very popular with the ladies. EMILY: Ah, yes. This is exactly the kind of conversation I had hoped we would have with our granddaughter and her friend. RICHARD: One night in the hallway does not a true naked guy make, my friend. EMILY: Would you like to eat with us, Marty? MARTY: Oh, I would love to. It looks amazing. But I have to go. There's kind of a party going on over on the lawn, and I actually came by to see if Rory wanted to stop by for a little while. RORY: Oh, I can't. RICHARD: Oh, nonsense, of course you can go. Go visit your friends. I insist. RORY: Are you sure? RICHARD: We've got plenty of time before the kickoff, go. RORY: Okay. EMILY: Take this with you. MARTY: Thanks. It was nice meeting you. Obi-wan. RICHARD: Hm. [Rory and Marty walk away] RICHARD: I like that boy. LORELAI: Prove it. Drop your pants. EMILY: All right, come on. LORELAI: Come on where? EMILY: It's time to go to the ladies' room. LORELAI: It is? Was there a memo, or. . . EMILY: It's an hour before kickoff. The lines won't be long. Grab your purse. You'll thank me later. CUT TO THE RESTROOMS [Lorelai walks out] LORELAI: I'll meet you right outside. [she walks over to a coffee kiosk] Coffee, please. GUY: Here you go. LORELAI: Thanks. [Pennilyn walks over] PENNILYN: Of course there's a line. Why wouldn't there be? LORELAI: You know, you kind of want to hang out here anyhow. PENNILYN: Why is that? LORELAI: Some woman just took her forty-year-old son in there. PENNILYN: No. LORELAI: He might not be forty, but the images he's gathering up in there will last until he gets there. PENNILYN: Why do women do that? LORELAI: I don't know. PENNILYN: When I was growing up, there was such a thing as modesty. I suppose that's not in fashion now. LORELAI: Nope, modesty went punk. PENNILYN: So, I hear you're opening an inn. LORELAI: Well, trying to. PENNILYN: That sounds very exciting. LORELAI: It is. [Emily walks over] EMILY: Pennilyn, we're just running into you all over the place. PENNILYN: Yes, you are. EMILY: Well, it's a nice treat. Enjoy the game. PENNILYN: Same to you. EMILY: Oops, the line's moving. PENNILYN: Oh, I'll see you later. EMILY: Yes. Let's go, Lorelai. LORELAI: Did you see the woman with the forty-year-old kid? [They return to the tailgating area] RICHARD: Oh, Emily, good. I can't remember whether it's two shakes of Tabasco or four. EMILY: I'll do it. RICHARD: Mm. I did however remember how much vodka goes in there. EMILY: You're going to have to move if you want me to make them. RICHARD: But I don't want to move. I want to stand right here, dangerously close to my wife as long as. . .[a group of men starts singing]. . . Whiffenpoofs! [he goes over to sing with them] EMILY: There's no celery. Sandy, I told you to cut enough celery for the entire day. LORELAI: Ugh, he's gonna be in so much pain tomorrow. EMILY: What is this? Sandy, what is this? SANDY: It's the cookies. EMILY: It's the cookies my granddaughter brought. I told you to place them on a doily, not just dump them on a plate. SANDY: I'm sorry. EMILY: Take them, fix them. And where's the celery? LORELAI: Um, I can get you celery, Mom. EMILY: I didn't hire you to get me celery. LORELAI: I know, but I'm happy to help. EMILY: Sandy, I don't want to ask you again. LORELAI: Is something wrong, Mom? EMILY: No, nothing's wrong. [Richard walks back over with the Whiffenpoofs] RICHARD: These are the best Bloody Mary's I have ever tasted. Emily, let's give these boys some refreshments. EMILY: We can't give them any refreshments because we don't have any celery even though I've been asking for it repeatedly for the last ten minutes. RICHARD: We can drink them without celery. EMILY: How does Pennilyn Lott know that Lorelai's opening an inn? RICHARD: Excuse me? EMILY: She knows that Lorelai's opening an inn. How did she know? RICHARD: Well - EMILY: I didn't tell her. I don't think Lorelai told her. I can't remember the last time Rory and Pennilyn had a hen party. LORELAI: Um, Mom. . . EMILY: Once a year - that's when we talk to her. Once a year, right here at the game. We say hello, we ask about her health, we ask about her children, and if Stephen's not here, we ask about him. How did she know? RICHARD: I told her. LORELAI: [to the Whiffenpoofs] Run. EMILY: When? RICHARD: About six months ago. We had lunch. EMILY: Where? RICHARD: At a restaurant. EMILY: What restaurant? RICHARD: You don't know it. EMILY: Why don't I know it? RICHARD: Because you've never been there. EMILY: How do you know I've never been there? You don't know everything about me. I don't know everything about you. I didn't know you were having lunch with Pennilyn Lott. We obviously don't know everything about each other. What restaurant? RICHARD: Adele's. EMILY: I've never been there. RICHARD: We just had lunch and talked. Two old friends. EMILY: How nice. So, after all of these years of not having lunch and not talking, you two decide to get together and catch up. Whose idea was it? RICHARD: Emily, could we discuss this in the trailer? EMILY: We will discuss this right here. Whose idea was it? RICHARD: I don't know. We've been having lunch once a year for many years. It's just a little tradition. EMILY: Every year since when? RICHARD: Every year since we got married. Emily, please don't make this more dramatic than it has to be. EMILY: No, I certainly wouldn't want to do that. RICHARD: Pennilyn and I are just friends. We just wanted to keep track of each other. That was it. EMILY: So, you've lied to me for the last 39 years. RICHARD: Well, she didn't tell Stephen. It was only lunch. EMILY: Only lunch, yes. RICHARD: Emily, I - EMILY: I think you should go for a walk, Richard. RICHARD: I'll be back before the game. [leaves] LORELAI: Mom, I know it was wrong, but I'm sure Dad just didn't want to get you upset. EMILY: Well, then perhaps he shouldn't have lied to me for the last 39 years. That's a surefire way not to get me upset. LORELAI: That's true, but it was just lunch. EMILY: It was lunch with Pennilyn Lott, Lorelai - the woman you insisted on talking to even though I told you not to. LORELAI: I didn't - EMILY: Your stubbornness is astounding to me. I asked you over and over to please refrain from talking to her. LORELAI: You asked me once, and - EMILY: But no, you had to push it, and now look what's happened! Are you happy? LORELAI: Are you seriously blaming me for this? EMILY: You had to talk to her! LORELAI: I didn't have lunch with her, Mom. Dad did. EMILY: I wouldn't have known! If you hadn't talked to her, I wouldn't have known, and everything would have been fine! LORELAI: So you'd rather just be in denial about things, Mom? EMILY: Everything would have been fine! LORELAI: But Dad still would have been having lunch with this woman once a year. EMILY: You weren't even supposed to come. It was supposed to be your father and me and Rory. You weren't supposed to come! LORELAI: Okay! CUT TO JASON'S OFFICE [He answers the phone] JASON: This is Jason Stiles. LORELAI: You still have those reservations? JASON: Should I. . .no. Gonna let it go. I'll pick you up at eight. LORELAI: Okay. JASON: And wear something completely evil. LORELAI: So, horns, tail, and my Wolfowitz t-shirt? JASON: Perfect. LORELAI: Bye. JASON: Bye. CUT TO THE CHINA GARDEN RESTAURANT [Lorelai and Jason walk in] LORELAI: Oh, man, this place is crazy. JASON: You know they flew in the top prostitutes from Hong Kong to work that coat check. LORELAI: Oh, God, I hope that's true. Okay, is there a star? We need a star. Bingo. JASON: Where? LORELAI: Ted Koppel's here. JASON: Where? LORELAI: Right there. JASON: Oh, dear, so he really does look like that. [to hostess] Uh, the name is Stiles, for two. LORELAI: I love that Ted Koppel's here. HOSTESS: Follow me. LORELAI: Look how she seats us right away. JASON: You like that, huh? LORELAI: I do like that. Now, if she seats us next to Ted, we have to make sure to become his best friends so he invites us to all those famous newscaster parties. JASON: Oh, that sounds fabulous. [They are led into a private room with one table] HOSTESS: Miss? LORELAI: Yes? Oh, me? Sorry. Thank you. JASON: Thank you. HOSTESS: Your waiter will be in in a moment. [leaves] JASON: Nice, huh? LORELAI: Yes, very nice. Quiet. You could hear a pin drop. JASON: So, how are you feeling tonight? Red, white, or gin-soaked? LORELAI: Red's good. JASON: Red it is. LORELAI: So, I'm sorry, is this where we're going to eat? JASON: That's right. LORELAI: Oh, okay. Did they run out of tables or something? JASON: I requested this room. LORELAI: You requested it? JASON: Yes. LORELAI: You asked for it on purpose? JASON: Hey, it's very hard to get this room. Everybody wants it, and now we've got it. LORELAI: Yes, we do, we have it. Lucky us. It's just that everything's kinda going on out there. JASON: So? LORELAI: Well, don't you wanna be out there with everybody else? JASON: Why? LORELAI: Because it's fun. JASON: You know, all the people and the noise, you can't even hear yourself think. LORELAI: But that's the point of coming to a place like this. JASON: I thought the point of coming to a place like this would be to enjoy the food and the atmosphere. LORELAI: Yes, but all of the atmosphere is out there. JASON: You don't like the room. LORELAI: No, it's. . .it is weird, you know. I mean, the two of us sitting all alone in here. I feel like we're quarantined. It's like the ebola room or something. JASON: Okay, I don't know what to do. LORELAI: Why don't we ask for a table out there? JASON: Oh, no, the place is booked solid. LORELAI: We could eat at the bar. JASON: I don't eat at the bar. LORELAI: Why not? JASON: I don't like stools. Your feet hang. LORELAI: Hey, this is a fancy place. Someone will hold them. JASON: Maybe we should just go. LORELAI: Oh, Jason. . . JASON: No, you're uncomfortable. It's fine. Let's go. Ted would. LORELAI: Oh. CUT TO INSIDE JASON'S CAR JASON: We could go someplace else. You must be starving. LORELAI: You know, I'm not. I had a lot of food today. JASON: Right, you tailgated. Okay, so, home? LORELAI: Okay, yeah, home's fine. JASON: We could try this again some other time. LORELAI: Uh huh, absolutely. Oh my God, I'm starving. JASON: You just said you weren't. LORELAI: Well, I lied. JASON: Well, good, 'cause I'm starving, too. LORELAI: Well, you should have said something. JASON: Well, our date was dinner. It was implied. LORELAI: Oh, okay, next exit. JASON: What? LORELAI: Get off at the next exit, do it, do it. JASON: Okay, doing it, doing it, doing it, doing it. [They pull up to a drive-thru window] LORELAI: Oh, this place, hands down, the best tacos on the East Coast. You're gonna be very happy. JASON: Good to know. EMPLOYEE: Welcome to Taco Barn, may I take your order? LORELAI: Hi. Um, two tacos, an order of taquitos, a beef burrito with no onions, and, uh, don't bother bagging it, that'll just slow us down. Go ahead. JASON: Uh, nothing for me. LORELAI: What? JASON: No, nothing, thanks. LORELAI: You said you were starving. JASON: Yeah, I'm just not big on Mexican food. LORELAI: Trust me, this stuff bears no resemblance to Mexican food. JASON: It's okay, I'm good. LORELAI: Okay. Well, I'm not gonna eat if you're not gonna eat. JASON: What is this, junior high? LORELAI: No, no, I just, um. . .I don't wanna sit in a car and eat by myself. JASON: Why? LORELAI: Because it's not fun. JASON: Well, does everything have to be fun for you? LORELAI: When I'm on a date, yeah. JASON: Oh, please, come on, just get the food. LORELAI: No, no, let's go. JASON: No, the tacos. You love the tacos. LORELAI: I'm not hungry. JASON: You are too hungry. LORELAI: Forget it. Let's go. JASON: Okay, I'm going. CUT TO A SUPERMARKET [Lorelai and Jason walk in] JASON: I told you to get the tacos. LORELAI: Let's not do this again, okay? I just need to eat something. JASON: This is a supermarket. LORELAI: I'm gonna throw my purse at you. JASON: You have to cook anything you buy here. LORELAI: Jason, come on. JASON: Come on what? LORELAI: There are a million things here. There's cheese and fruit and chips and a whole prepared-food section. Now grab this basket and look. Do you want to start with the salad? JASON: Okay. LORELAI: Okay. What did you just do? JASON: I need razors. LORELAI: No, no, this is an errand. JASON: So? LORELAI: So we're looking for food and you're running errands. JASON: I'm a busy man. I don't have time to do these things. LORELAI: We're on a date! JASON: We're in a store, they're right there. Now I don't have to go tomorrow. LORELAI: But a date isn't about convenience. You're not supposed to be thinking about the things you need. Oh, shoot, I'm out of toothpaste. JASON: Grab it. LORELAI: Where are you going? JASON: I need hand soap. LORELAI: All right. I'll grab some paper towels and meet you in the prepared-food section. JASON: Fine. Uh, which way is detergent? LORELAI: That way. [They go off to separate aisles] JASON: [calls] Hey, you need peas? 'Cause there's two for one. LORELAI: Uh, no, I'm good. JASON: I'm getting you a couple anyhow. LORELAI: Where are you? JASON: Uh, let's see, there's Jell-o and tiny cocktail wieners. LORELAI: Oh, I'm one aisle over. JASON: I'll be right there. [walks to her aisle] Boy, I gotta tell you, the advice about not shopping hungry couldn't be truer. LORELAI: Good Lord, that's a lot of food. JASON: Well, it's not all just food. LORELAI: So you won't eat fast food, but Sno Balls are okay? JASON: I've never eaten them. I was curious. LORELAI: Sno Balls. Pink marshmallow coconut balls. JASON: You wouldn't be curious about pink marshmallow coconut balls? Who makes these? How did the decision to dye the coconut pink occur? Why are they shaped like a chest? Is there any dessert on the fact of the planet that could stimulate this much debate? LORELAI: I don't know. JASON: What are you looking for? LORELAI: Well, they usually have the mini size of these chips. JASON: Get the big one. LORELAI: I grab them on the way out of the house and this won't fit in my purse. JASON: Well, they must have them. Hold on. LORELAI: Where are you going? JASON: Just watch my Sno Balls, please. LORELAI: Not on the first date, mister. [Jason goes to talk to a store employee, then walks back over to Lorelai] JASON: Let's go. LORELAI: Where? JASON: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. [The employee lets them into the storage room] EMPLOYEE: Ten minutes. JASON: That's all we need. LORELAI: What are we doing here? JASON: We're looking for your chips. LORELAI: Seriously? JASON: Well, this is where they keep the goods. LORELAI: How did you get the guy to let us in the back room? JASON: Talking people into doing things that they don't wanna do happens to be my specialty. LORELAI: Ooh, look, a time clock. Let's clock in. Do you wanna be Lucy or Jamal? JASON: Uh, either one. What were the chips you like? LORELAI: Sour cream and onion. JASON: Ah, got 'em. LORELAI: Oh, it's just like heaven. JASON: Here. Wanna do the honors? LORELAI: Ooh, I feel so powerful. JASON: Well, you're holding a knife. Being armed does that to people. Wow, Cap'n Crunch. I lived on Cap'n Crunch in college. LORELAI: Cut him. JASON: Cut Cap'n Crunch? That seems a bit severe. LORELAI: Trust me, he's got it coming. JASON: Okay, I just hope Jamal doesn't get busted for this. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai and Jason are sitting at a table in front of the supermarket eating the food they just bought] LORELAI: Mac and cheese? JASON: Yeah, please, delicious. LORELAI: Mm. JASON: You know, I must say, this is a pretty nice spread we put together here. LORELAI: A little ingenuity. JASON: It's too bad they stop selling alcohol after 9:30. I mean, not that I need to be drunk to have dinner with you. LORELAI: Oh, the fun flask. JASON: Excuse me? LORELAI: I swiped the fun flask. JASON: So, tell me something. LORELAI: Yes? JASON: Why'd you change your mind? LORELAI: No reason. JASON: You seemed to be pretty determined. LORELAI: Yes, I did. JASON: And you had some pretty good logic backing you up. LORELAI: I always do. JASON: So between the phone call where you said no and eight hours ago, what happened? LORELAI: Well, I went to the Harvard-Yale game with Rory and my parents. JASON: Yes, that's how I get all of my girls. LORELAI: And, um, there was this thing with my mother. And it just, uh. . . well, she was just. . .I thought, and. . . so here we are? JASON: So here we are. Um, listen. . .whatever it is your mother did today, do you think she might do it again tomorrow night? LORELAI: I think there's an excellent possibility. JASON: Okay, I'm gonna go for the giant egg rolls. Do you want one? LORELAI: Yes, please, and don't forget the hot mustard. JASON: Right. [Jason walks away. Lorelai answers her cell phone] LORELAI: Hello? RORY: So how was it? LORELAI: It's still going on. RORY: Really, how dirty. LORELAI: We're at the West Hills market drinking booze out of paper cups. RORY: Really, how pathetic. LORELAI: He made sure I got my potato chips. RORY: Really, how confusing. LORELAI: I'll explain later. How are the grandparents? RORY: Not speaking. LORELAI: Must have been one hell of a game. RORY: I read. LORELAI: I'm sorry I bailed. RORY: You owe me nothing but the gory details. LORELAI: I might like him. RORY: Just remember, you're sleeping with every single person he's ever slept with. LORELAI: Thank you for that. RORY: Call me tomorrow. LORELAI: You got it. [They hang up. As Rory starts to head back to her dorm, she sees Paris kissing Asher Fleming]

Rory and Paris have lunch at Yale with Richard, who introduces them to his friend, Professor Asher Fleming; during Friday night dinner at the Gilmore residence, Lorelai asks for an invitation to the Yale-Harvard game even though Rory clearly gives her an out; Emily is irritated when Lorelai shows up for the game wearing Harvard colors; the Gilmores tailgate in style with flasks, an RV, a BBQ, and servants to wait on their guests; Emily is upset when Pennilyn Lott, Richard's first girlfriend, shows up and asks about the Inn, and Richard is forced to confess that he has continued to have an annual dinner with Pennilyn the entire time that he and Emily have been married; Lorelai takes Jason up on his earlier offer of a dinner date, but they end up leaving the stuffy restaurant and having a great time dining al fresco at a local grocery store; Rory walks back to the dorm after the game and discovers Paris kissing Asher Fleming.

fd_The_Mentalist_02x03

fd_The_Mentalist_02x03_0

Lisbon is sitting on the couch in Dr Carmen's office, while he sits on a chair nearby. Neither of them says anything for a while. Lisbon: We do this too, you know. Dr. Carmen: What's that? Lisbon: Silence as a weapon. Make people uneasy. Make them talk. Dr. Carmen: I get paid whether you talk or not, Teresa. Lisbon: CBI's been paying you for 5 weeks now, doctor. This was supposed to be routine. Dr. Carmen: Routine like you have to see me after a shooting, sure. Not routine like I have to sign off on you. Lisbon: I didn't even pull the trigger on Tanner, Jane did. You signed off on him after one session. Dr. Carmen: He has good mental health. Lisbon: Now I want to see your licence to practise! Dr. Carmen: Ha ha Lisbon: Ha ha. I've got 6 open cases. I'm testifying in 2 more. I don't have time... Dr. Carmen: It's not as if you have anything to talk about. Your mom dead when you were 12; 3 younger brothers; abusive, alcoholic dad, now dead also. Lisbon: It doesn't say abusive. Dr. Carmen: But he was, yes? Lisbon: This coffee tastes like crap. Seriously. Are we done? Dr. Carmen: No. Let's talk about what you want to talk about. What do you do for fun? Lisbon: Fun? Dr. Carmen: That thing when you're not working. Lisbon: I...uh... what does this have to do with... (her phone rings and she answers) Lisbon. (listens) I'll be right there. (She hangs up.) Dr. Carmen: Duty calls. I get it. (She shrugs and gets up.) Lisbon: Dr Carmen, why won't you sign off on me? Dr. Carmen: Because there's something you want to tell me first. (She looks puzzled.) I'll see you next week. (She leaves.) Lisbon, Jane, Cho and Rigsby are walking down an alleyway. Van Pelt is already there waiting for them. Lisbon: How'd we catch this one? Cho: Switchboard got an anonymous call saying there's a dead body. It's two blocks from us. Here we are. Van Pelt: There's just one problem. Jane: No body? Van Pelt: No body. Rigsby: Ah, not the dumpsters. Please not the dumpsters. Lisbon: Look around for the body. See what you see. (She and Jane stand to one side while the others look for the body.) Jane: Shrink day, huh? Lisbon: No. Jane: Yes. Yes. You have the line between your eyebrows. He annoys you, and besides you smell a little of his cigar smoke. Lisbon: I'm annoyed because I forgot my cell-phone. Jane: Oh, right. Lisbon: (calls to Cho) Cho, anything? Cho: Nothing. Jane (sees a line of ants moving along the wall behind them): Did you know that if you weighed every living thing on Planet Earth, a quarter of that biomass would be just ants? Lisbon: That's a lot of ants. Jane: It is. Lisbon: (calls again) Cho, anything? Cho: No sign of a body. Lisbon: Alright then, look in the dumpsters. Let's get out of here. Van Pelt: I did it last time. Rigsby: Oh, man, I just got this suit. Cho: All right, rock paper scissors, on three. Ready? One, two, three. (Rigsby wins and looks very happy. Cho gets out some latex gloves.) Rigsby: Yes! Hehe. Jane: It's been dry this fall. No rain. Lisbon: Like tinder. Jane: Hm. That's why those ants are looking for moisture wherever they can find it (points to the line of ants on the wall). Lisbon: Then why aren't all the ants in the wet, stinky dumpsters? Jane: Exactly. (Jane and Lisbon follow the line of ants.) Because they've found somewhere else where there's a little more m... (There's a big metal sliding door in the way.) Ah... (calls) Rigsby! Little help here. Lisbon: Ah, please! (She slides the door open and a body rolls out. The others come over and Rigsby crouches next to the body.) Rigsby: Looks like three to the chest point-blank. Van Pelt: Perfect triangle formation. Cho: No brass. Looks like the shooter took the shell casings with him. Pro job. Rigsby: I can't find any ID. Call forensics, run it for prints. (Jane has been watching Lisbon's expression. He looks at her.) Jane: Who is he? Lisbon: Name's William McTeer. From San Francisco. Serial child rapist. Served six years at Pelican Bay. Jane: And you know this how? Lisbon: I'm the one who sent him there. Jane: Huh. Lisbon: (Starts walking away) We're near Marie's doughnuts. Anyone want to go for a bear-claw after? Jane: (Looks at the body and makes a face.) Can't say I'm hungry. Jane and Lisbon are sitting in her office on either side of a table which has a row of 4 upturned mugs on it. They have their eyes shut. Lisbon: Jane, we have a case. You think I have time for games? Jane: Life is a game. You have plenty of time for that. Shh. Shh. (opens his eyes and looks at her) Let me read your thoughts. I want you to take a deep breath in... (she does) and out... (she does). Will you concentrate? (She nods) Name as many 20th century presidents as you can... now. Lisbon: Uh, Coolidge, Wilson, Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Truman, Kennedy, Nixon, LBJ... Jane: Good. Take another breath in... (she does, somewhat impatiently) and out... (she does). Concentrate on which mug it is under. I am listening to your thoughts. Don't shout, I can hear you. Open your eyes. (She does, and looks at him quizzically. He lifts up the second mug and takes out a $20 bill.) Lisbon: Well, you did have a 25% shot. Jane: We could do it all day and I would get it every time. Lisbon: Gimme that (she takes the money and starts to lift the mugs). How'd you do it? Jane: You told me, Lisbon. Our minds are in sync. In fact right now, right now I'm feeling something (she looks amused). I'm getting it right here (he shuts his eyes and presses his fingers against the middle of his forehead between his eyes), it's a... it's a nickname... Saint Teresa. (She looks surprised.) How come you never told me how you know Agent Bosco? In the bullpen, Van Pelt is pulling up old newspaper articles on her computer. Cho and Rigsby stand behind her, looking over her shoulder. There's an article with a picture of Lisbon with short hair, the title of which reads "Saint Teresa: Hero Cop Nabs Molester". Van Pelt: Look, another one. Lisbon was like a rock star for a while. Cho: What's with her hair? Lisbon and Jane come into the bullpen. Lisbon: What's wrong with my hair? Cho: Nothing. Van Pelt: The McTeer case made your career and you never said a word. You're like a superhero with a secret identity. Lisbon: You want to know the deal? Fine. McTeer hit the Bay area for 18 months. He attacked 7 girls between the ages of 6 and 9. I was the SFPD inspector who caught it. I inspected, took McTeer down. Now, what've you got? Rigsby: BFS found the shooter's gun a block away in a trash bin. They're running it for prints now. Van Pelt: (reading from another article) "Inspector Lisbon's actions were lauded as heroic by city officials and her SFPD colleagues. Said her supervisor, Lt Samuel Bosco..." Jane: (mimicking Bosco's accent) "Inspector Lisbon did an exemplary job tracking down and arresting this animal." Bosco: Well, that's pretty good. You should get an act together. Can you do Barbara Streisand? Jane: Don't tempt me. Bosco: So, I heard about McTeer. Lisbon: Weird, huh? Here we are after how many years? Bosco: Too many. Have you spoken to Dreyer? He'd be my favourite. Jane: Dreyer Whelan, father of the last victim, Katie, 7 years old. Promised to kill McTeer on release. Lisbon: I called him. He's on his way down from Moran. Bosco: You're all over it. Let me know if you need any help. For old time's sake. Jane: (mimicking him again) "For old time's sake." Lisbon: (to Van Pelt) Here's McTeer's address. Parole officer says he's got a live-in girlfriend. Go and talk to her. Van Pelt: (making a face) He has a girlfriend? Jane: I think I'll go with her. Lisbon: Good idea. Rigsby. Check up on McTeer's old friends from the paedophile world, especially those who might have moved from San Francisco to Sacramento. Rigsby: Sure, Boss. Lisbon: Cho and I have a trial meeting with the deputy Dag. Cho: Not if I throw myself into on-coming traffic first. Van Pelt and Jane are interviewing McTeer's girlfriend at her apartment. Van Pelt: Miss Derask, what was your relationship with William McTeer. Tanya: He was my fianc . Van Pelt: Fianc ? Tanya: You have a problem with that? Jane: Oh, she just can't see how a woman could fall in love with a convicted paedophile. Not the best husband material. Tanya: Bill was a good man. A good provider. And he treated me like a queen. Those charges in San Francisco were totally bogus anyway. That ***** cop had it in for him. A vendetta is what Bill called it. David: I had to clean out the trap for the clog w... Hey. Tanya: It's the police. About Bill. My brother came over to fix the sink for me. David: (holds his hand out to Jane) David. Jane: (shakes his hand) Patrick. David: (to Van Pelt) Hey. Jane: That's Grace. Van Pelt: David, did you know William McTeer? David: I met him a couple of times. He treated Tanya good, so, you know. Anyway, I've just got to re-attach it and you're all set, T. Nice meeting you guys. (He leaves) Jane: You too. Van Pelt: Do you know anyone who would want to harm William? Tanya: Well, it's probably nothing, but he had a fight with his boss last week. Came home all moody. Said the guy was out to get him. Van Pelt: Who's his boss? Tanya: Some pipsqueak. I don't know. Uh, XXXYZ Incorporated is the name of the place, I think. It's over on Winley, near the highway. (A little girl comes running in and hugs her mother). Emily: Hey, Mom. Tanya: Hey, Emily, baby. How was school? Emily: I can multiply my 6's. Want to hear? Tanya: Wow. Maybe a little later, okay. (looks at Van Pelt) Bill wasn't who you think. Jane: (crouches down at Emily's level) Hey, Emily. I'm Patrick. How are you? Emily: Good. Jane: Good day, huh? Six times tables, huh? Wow. Why don't you go into the kitchen and help your Uncle David. Tanya: It's okay, sweetie. (Emily goes out.) Jane: See ya. I don't think McTeer touched Emily. Tanya: See. I told you. Van Pelt: Because he was still grooming her. Tanya: You don't know what you're talking about. Jane: You met Bill at a shopping mall, didn't you? Near the video arcade or the movie theatre. Emily was with you. Tanya: He worked there back then. Jane: Yeah. Real gentleman. Not like your other guys. He never pressured you to have s*x. It wasn't love at first sight, but he was just so good with Emily. He listened to her. Nobody listened to you like that growing up. Tanya: Bill wanted to be a father. My girl doesn't deserve a father? Jane: Lately he'd been asking if he could take Emily away on an overnight trip. Maybe camping. A little father-daughter bonding. He'd been pressuring you to say yes, just a little, but just enough to start to nag you. A tiny, little scratching nag. That maybe what you felt deep down was right; that William McTeer was too good to be true. You deserve a good man, Tanya. If you can't believe that for yourself, then just pretend, for Emily's sake. We done here? Good, cause I gotta eat. I'm starving. Van Pelt: Yeah. Jane: Alright. Cho and Lisbon go into a conference room at the CBI where the deputy Dag is waiting for them. Dag: You each are the state's key witnesses in a few cases this month. Agent Lisbon, you've got Howard and Ang; Agent Cho, you've got Ringman, Daily and Freed. Cho: Freed. Freed bit me. Dag: And be sure to mention that on the stand. Teresa, you remember Howard? He and his syndicate stole a hundred million dollars from the online accounts of thousands of people. Lisbon: And then he stashed the money and killed his partner? I remember him. The guy's creepy. Dag: The guy's going to prison, thanks to Agent Lisbon and her cool, calm expertise. Lisbon: That's me, cool and calm. Dag: So glad this isn't a Jane case. You have got to tell him, Teresa, that he cannot threaten people with bombs to get a confession. No rubber masks, no monster suits... Rigsby enters. Rigsby: Hey. We have a problem. The AFIS got a print off the gun that killed McTeer. Cho: And that's a problem? Rigsby: Yeah. Boss, the print is yours. (Lisbon looks stunned.) Lisbon and Minelli are in Minelli's office. Minelli: Your fingerprint is on the magazine of the murder weapon. Tell me why I shouldn't be throwing up in the bathroom right now? Lisbon: It's a lab error. It must be. They're overworked and underfunded. This happened last year with the LAPD. Just have them re-test it. Come on! You don't think I did this? Minelli: What I think is that I am up to my asterisks in political quicksand. You and your team are off the McTeer case, obviously. Lisbon: I understand. Are we throwing it to the FBI? Minelli: No. Bosco comes in. Bosco: Hey, Lisbon. How about this, huh? Lisbon: Bosco. Minelli: He knows as much about the McTeer case as you do. It makes sense. And yes, I had to pull some strings. Lisbon: Thank you. I guess. Minelli: No, don't misunderstand me. If you're guilty, I want you nailed. I just don't want the Feebs strolling around my offices asking impertinent questions. Lisbon: Okay. Bosco: So you understand I have to ask you some questions now. Nothing personal. Lisbon: Absolutely. Shoot. Jane comes in. Jane: Hi, everybody. Ahh, well, bet you wish you wore some gloves, huh? Bosco: You have some input here? Jane: No, just nosey. Lisbon: It's okay, he can stay if he wants to. Jane: I'll stay. Bosco: Where were you Tuesday night? Lisbon: I was at home, watching television. Nobody saw me. Bosco: What'd you watch? Lisbon: Some reality show. Bosco: Which? Lisbon: Cooking show with the man. Bosco: Oh, yeah, that one. Lisbon: The angry man. Jane: Oh, yeah, I know the one. It's good. Cooking show. Tuesday nights. Angry man. Bosco: So, I can set up a time for you to take a polygraph? Lisbon: No. I didn't kill McTeer. Bosco: Nobody said you did yet. Lisbon: Yet! (She storms out.) Jane: Good luck with the case. Jane joins Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby at an outside coffee shop. Jane: Having lunch? Cho: A discussion. About Lisbon's situation. Jane: Okay, Cho, you say work the McTeer case hard, screw Bosco and Minelli; (points at Rigsby) you disagree; (points at Van Pelt) and you're not so sure. Rigsby: I'm just saying maybe we should let Bosco do his job. Stay out of his way. He's a good cop. Cho: Is anybody going to go as hard after this case as us? No, I don't think so. Jane: You're assuming Lisbon didn't kill him. What if she did kill him? What would you do? Cho: What would you do? Jane: Me? I'd walk away. But I ain't the law. Van Pelt: Yes, we walk away. Cho: Yeah. Rigsby: I disagree. Van Pelt: McTeer went after little children. Rigsby: Hey, maybe he deserved to die. But if Lisbon had the guts to kill him, she has the guts to serve her time for it. Cho: I'm going to talk to McTeer's boss. Van Pelt: I'll come with you. Rigsby: Okay, okay, look. Lisbon didn't do it anyhow. I mean, right? She's not capable of that. Jane: I'm not so sure. Lisbon is waiting on the balcony coffee shop at the CBI. Jane joins her. Lisbon: What's up that we couldn't talk inside? I'm busy. Jane: Thought you might want to be outside so you could express your anger without constraint. Lisbon: Why? Jane: I know you lied about the alibi. Lisbon: I didn't lie. Jane: I don't know what you did on Tuesday night, but you weren't watching TV. Lisbon: I didn't lie. He made risotto. Jane: Now this is insulting. You going to continue lying to me? Lisbon: I can't remember. I can't remember what I did on Tuesday night; it's weird. Jane: Thank you. It's okay, the memory's there, we can get it back. If I put you in a light trance... Lisbon: Like that's going to happen! Stop trying to hypnotise me. Jane: What if something traumatic happened and you're blocking it out? Lisbon: I didn't kill McTeer. Jane: Let me hypnotise you so we can be sure. Lisbon: No. Jane: Why not? Lisbon: Because I don't want you inside my head. (She leaves.) Lisbon is walking through the CBI and Bosco joins her. Bosco: So it turns out you're not quite done with the McTeer case. Lisbon: Funny. Bosco: It's not my choice. He'll only talk to you. Lisbon: Who? She sees Dreyer sitting waiting for her. He stands up. Dreyer: Agent Lisbon. Lisbon: Hello, Dreyer. Bosco: Thanks for coming in Mr Whelan. Lisbon, Bosco and Dreyer Whelan are seated in the conference room. Dreyer: So, you guys are still working together, still a team? Lisbon: We're both handling this interview at your request, Dreyer. We just have a couple of questions for you. Bosco: Just one, in fact. Did you kill William McTeer? Dreyer: I didn't. Bosco: Glad to hear it. How's Katie doing. Dreyer: She's well. Doing well. Healing better than I am, according to our therapist. Bosco: Where were you Tuesday night? Dreyer: At home. Alone. Katie spent the night at a friend's. Bosco: And what time... Dreyer: (to Lisbon) You let him hurt her! Lisbon: Excuse me? Dreyer: I recently read the incident files. Bosco: The internal SFPD files? How'd you get hold of those? Dreyer: You could have taken McTeer down the Friday before, a whole week earlier. Lisbon: That was not the case. I didn't have it. I didn't have anything to nail him on. Dreyer: In the meantime he attacked Katie and you could have saved her. Lisbon: If I'd arrested him on a hunch, he would have been acquitted. He would have walked. Dreyer: But Katie wouldn't have been raped. And that is your fault. Bosco: Mr Whelan. Dreyer: What? Bosco: You swore you'd spend your entire fortune in the service of killing William McTeer. Why didn't you? Dreyer: I couldn't. What if I'd been caught? I couldn't leave Katie alone. Bosco: My take. Maybe you just didn't have the guts. Dreyer: Go to hell. Both of you. (He leaves.) Bosco: Don't worry about it. He's angry. Anger turns you. Lisbon: Yes it does. I want to take the polygraph. We see Lisbon being hooked up to a polygraph machine. Bosco watches though the window. Lisbon looks distressed. Cho and Van Pelt are talking to the owner of the adult store where McTeer worked. Cho: How long did McTeer work for you? Store Owner: Uh, couple months. Van Pelt: His record didn't bother you? Store Owner: No, the freaks work harder, you know. They're grateful for the gig, you know. Not McTeer, though. Cho: Is that why you two got in a fight? Store Owner: Me and him? No, we didn't get in a fight. He got in a fight with his Jackal buddy, Dog. They got into a fight here right in the middle of the place. Busted it all up, so I fired his twisted ass. I mean, that's management 101, you know, no fist fights. So I booted him. Cho: Did he come back at you about that? Store Owner: No, he knows better than that. He knows I'm connected. Cho: Connected, really? To whom? Store Owner: Uh, people. Cho: So what was it about? McTeer's fight with Dog? Store Owner: Dunno, could have been about a million things, you know. Dog was a utility idiot. He's dumb in ten different ways. Van Pelt: Does Dog have a real name? Store Owner: Everybody does. I don't know what his was. Oh, those are on special (indicating some of his goods) - buy one, get one free. Van Pelt: No thanks. Lisbon is in the courthouse corridor, ready to testify in the Howard case. Court Official: People vs Milton R Howard, case number 97203254 come on down. Howard: Agent Lisbon, we have to talk. Lisbon: How about you give me a confession, Howard? Howard: Agent, I didn't do these things they said I did, okay? You have to hear my side of it. Lisbon: I'll see you inside. Lisbon sees Minelli approaching and goes to meet him. Minelli: Agent Lisbon. DA: Virgil, talk to her after. We're up. Minelli: Agent Lisbon will not be joining you. Lisbon: Is my team okay? Is somebody hurt? Minelli: No. You failed the poly, Agent Lisbon. "Significant indications of deception", they say. You're relieved of duty, Agent. Report to admin for processing. Lisbon: (looking stricken) Boss. Minelli: Don't! (He walks away. The DA just looks at her. Lisbon walks off looking lost.) [SCENE_BREAK] Lisbon is at admin, turning in her gun and badge. Admin Guy: Signature on the bottom. Gun and badge in the tray. She signs the form, puts her badge in the tray, takes the clip off her gun and puts it and the gun in the tray. Admin Guy: Here's your receipt. Have a nice day. (He closes the wire window with a clang.) Dr Carmen's office. Dr. Carmen: Teresa Lisbon in my office, talking. You must be desperate. Lisbon: I failed the polygraph. I don't know what I'm going to do. Dr. Carmen: Well, reading polys is more art than a science. Ask to retake it. I can teach you how to relax. Lisbon: My father used to have blackouts when he drank. One time he beat my brother half to death and he didn't remember a thing. The whole way to the hospital he couldn't believe it was him who did it. (She blinks away tears.) Dr. Carmen: Are you drinking? Is that why you're talking of blackouts? Lisbon: What I need to know is, is it possible that I killed McTeer and blotted it out? Dr. Carmen: You can't remember the night of the murder? (She shakes her head.) Well, don't panic. There could be lots of reasons. Stress, or... Lisbon: Cops can become killers, doctor, it can happen. Dr. Carmen: It's ridiculous. You didn't even know McTeer was in Sacramento. Lisbon: His parole officer called me last month. Courtesy heads up. Dr. Carmen: Well. Can memory loss be a result of trauma? Sure. Your mind shields you from the awful thing you did, or even what someone else did. Child molesters don't get better. The killer saved a child's life, whoever it is. Lisbon: How do I unblock my memory? Dr. Carmen: Maybe it will come back on its own. Give it time. Lisbon: I don't have time. You know, you're useless. You don't know what you're talking about. Dr. Carmen: I'm sorry. Until you remember, I don't know how to help you. (She storms out.) Lisbon goes into the bullpen where Jane is sleeping on his couch. Lisbon: Jane. (He wakes up.) Jane: Oh, hey Lisbon. I imagine you want me to hypnotise you now. Lisbon: Yeah. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt are in the file storage room, looking through files. Cho: Nothing in McTeer's parole files about any Dog. Van Pelt: None of his associates either. Cho: Black widow. (He stomps on the spider.) Dead one. Bosco: What the hell do you think you're doing? Cho: Killing a spider. What are you doing? Bosco: You're interfering with my case. You're talking to witnesses. Cho: You're wrong. Bosco: You're going to lie to me now? Rigsby: What's the problem? Bosco: Drop the McTeer case or you'll be on guard duty at the State Capitol saluting tourists. Rigsby walks up to Bosco and towers over him. Rigsby: Is that right? Bosco: Yes it is. (He leaves.) Cho: Nice comeback. Van Pelt: You told him. Rigsby: He knows the score. (He reaches for Van Pelt's laptop.) May I? Thanks. My guy at Pelican Bay came through. McTeer had a cellmate for 2 years nicknamed Dog. Van Pelt: Hey, I know this guy. That's the brother of McTeer's girlfriend, David Charles. Lisbon and Jane come into Lisbon's apartment. Jane looks around interestedly. Lisbon: It's kind of a mess. Jane: Not at all. It's nice. I like those pictures. Lisbon: Those are mostly from the last tenants. (Jane peers at a photo of Lisbon's 3 younger brothers as children.) Where are we going to do this? (She sounds very agitated.) Jane: Ah, interesting. (He looks at her CD collection.) Lisbon: Let's just do it. Let's go. Jane: No. Lisbon: No? Jane: No, I'm not going to hypnotise you Lisbon. You're too stressed. Lisbon: Are you kidding me? Jane: (Puts his hands on her shoulders.) Now, it's okay. Shh. It's okay. All right, I'd have to make all the stress leave your body. Maybe have you count down from 100,99,98. We go round and round. 94,93. (He waves a hand in front of her face. She's glazed over.) Listen to me, Lisbon, all the stress would have to melt away. You'd have to feel calm and relaxed and very safe. It's just about impossible. I'm not hypnotising you, Lisbon. It's not going to happen, so you can just relax. You are not falling into a deep, relaxing trance state. (Her eyes are fluttering.) Sleep. Okay, good. (She closes her eyes and he pulls her towards him. She lays her head against his shoulder and he pats it.) Good. Lisbon is now seated in her living-room and Jane is sitting opposite her. Her eyes are still closed. Jane: So you're going down the steps, relaxing with each step, and now you reach the bottom, the very last step, the ultimate place of calm. How are you feeling? Lisbon: Good. Jane: Good. You're going to remain in this relaxed trance state while we think about Tuesday night. But first, sometimes you dance to that Spice Girls CD, don't you? Lisbon: Yeah. (She smiles with her eyes closed and does a little jiggle in her chair, as if she's playing the music in her head.) Jane: I thought so. (He grins.) Now, Tuesday. You can watch whole day like it's a movie. Every detail is in focus. You can zoom into any moment you want. You can fast forward, rewind. You are in total control. Okay? Lisbon: Okay. Jane: Good. What do you see? Lisbon: I'm finishing up the Form 41s on the Milbank case. I feel... hungry, 'cause I skipped lunch. The new guy in the mailroom is hot. Jane: Is he? Lisbon: Yeah. Jane: (looks a bit put out) Let's fast forward a little. Later in the day, you're about to leave CBI. Lisbon: Van Pelt's working late. She's a hard worker. She might do well, if she manages not to sleep with Rigsby. Jane: Where do you go now? Lisbon: I... (her eyelids are fluttering) Home? Jane: Do you? Where do you go, Lisbon? (He gets up and leans over her.) Lisbon: I'm in my car. It's low on gas. (She's getting agitated.) Jane: It's okay. You're in a trance state. Everything's okay. Lisbon: I can't... Jane: What do you see? Where do you go? Lisbon: I... I don't know. It's blank. I just see a blank screen. Jane: It's all right. It's all right. Lisbon: I don't... I don't know where I went. I can't remember. I don't know where I went. Jane: It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. (He puts his hand on her forehead and she comes out of her trance.) Lisbon: I can't remember. Jane: It's a little weird. (He sits down with a sigh. She stands up.) Lisbon: I thought you were the best. I want my money back. Jane: Hmm. Yeah. Lisbon: Why can't I remember? Jane: It's interesting, isn't it? (He gets up.) Lisbon: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. Jane: Hmm. Lisbon: Well, you know, thanks for trying. You probably have somewhere you need to go, right? Jane: Well, I'm not going to give up that easily. Lisbon: I can count on you not to tell anybody about this, right? On the team. (She's trying to hold back her tears.) Jane: Oh, Lisbon. (He walks over to her and touches her arm.) Hey. Lisbon: Jane, I just need you to leave. Okay, could you, please. Go. Jane: All right. It's going to be okay. It's going to be fine, all right? I promise. Okay? Lisbon: Hm. (He reluctantly leaves her standing tearfully with her hands in her pockets.) David goes into Tanya's house and calls out for his sister. David: Tanya, I got your text. It said 911, what's going on? (Cho comes up behind him and grabs him.) Oh, hey, hey, help. Police! (Rigsby runs in with his gun drawn. Rigsby checks outside quickly and closes the door.) Cho: Relax. Rigsby: We're clear. Cho: Good. (They sit David down and question him.) Rigsby: Yeah. Cho: You fought with McTeer in the parking lot. He beat the snot out of you. Rigsby: That must have been pretty humiliating. Cho: So you lured him into the alley and you killed him. David: No, I didn't kill him. I didn't! Cho: You did kill him, David. You killed him, but it's our friend on the hook for it. Rigsby: Look, Dog, jail is so much better than what you get if you keep lying to us. David: Look, your friend the cop, she's the one who paid me to bring McTeer to the alley. Look, I had no idea she was going to shoot him, I swear to you. I never would have taken the money if I knew it. Cho: Agent Lisbon? She's the one who paid you? David: Yeah, I mean it had to be her, didn't it? I heard you guys already arrested her for it. Rigsby: But you're guessing, right? You never actually saw her? David: I didn't see anybody. It was all texts. The deal was I got Bill drunk. We went out to the alley to go take a pee and then I split. I heard those shots and I started running like hell, man. The next day there's ten grand in my checking account. Rigsby: Ten grand? Lisbon, Bosco, Rigsby and Cho are walking along on the mezzanine floor of the CBI. Lisbon: Ten grand, Sam. Bosco: I heard. Lisbon: Ten grand just to lure the vic in, not even kill him. This is somebody with resources, connections. Cho: Someone who's not Lisbon. Rigsby: Seriously, where is she going to get ten grand from? No offence, boss. Lisbon: I'll have Van Pelt track the text. Cho and I will talk to the guy's bank. Bosco: Lisbon, get this through your head. You're relieved of duty. You're not even supposed to be in the building. And you two clowns are way out of hand. Let me deal with this. (He takes Lisbon aside.) Come here. Lisbon, look at me. Look at me. I'll handle it. Will you please trust me? Lisbon: I'm sorry, you don't understand (She's moving very agitatedly.) Later you will. Bosco: Are you medicated or something? Lisbon: (raises her voice) Okay, I'm all right. I'm fine. (Everyone in the office looks at her.) What the hell is everybody looking at? (She's shouting now.) I... I'm fine. Just stay the hell away from me. I'm done with this crap. I am done. (She storms to the stairs, pushing between Rigsby and Cho.) Get out of my way. I'm sick of everybody. (She runs to her office. Everybody just stands and watches. She paces up and down in her office like a caged lion. Jane wanders into the bullpen.) Jane: Who was that? Lisbon? Rigsby: She's freaking out. Jane: Oh, come on. It's just Lisbon. Cho: She's a little stressed. Van Pelt: What is going on? Lisbon picks up a chair and throws in through her office window. After a shocked pause, Jane and Bosco run to her office. Lisbon: Sorry. Why is this happening to me? Jane: It's all right. Let's go home. Bosco: I'll take her. Lisbon: No. Leave me alone. (She leaves.) Lisbon's apartment. She's wearing nothing but a huge football jersey (with "Lisbon 99" on the back) and she's listening to Spice Girls on her headphones. She pours some hard liquor into a mug and we see pills scattered on her living room table. She lifts a cloth and there's a gun underneath it, which she straightens out. She picks her drink up and dances across the room to her music. Rigsby is sitting at the bullroom conference table near the broken window, which is being cleaned up. Van Pelt comes up to him. Van Pelt: The ten grand paid to David Charles came from an account owned by a shell company in the Caymans. Rigsby: Well, that's good. Van Pelt: The day after it paid David, the account paid out a million dollars to someone else. Rigsby: I bet that's for the shooter. Can we trace the payment? Van Pelt: I'm trying, but... Bosco: You'll find it dead-ends at a blind account that was closed yesterday. Rigsby: Okay, we are working the case. We just want to... Bosco: Forget about it. How's Lisbon? Rigsby: She's fine. Jane and Minelli are walking through the CBI together. Jane: She's fine. Minelli: Well, what did she say exactly? Jane: Well, I didn't actually talk to her. She... she wouldn't let me in. Minelli: You're worried about her. You think she might do something stupid? Jane: Suicide? No. If she did, she wouldn't blame the bureau. Minelli: That's not my concern at all. I should have taken her off-duty weapon. Jane: Ah, I'm sure she'll be all right. There's a knock at Lisbon's door. She opens it and lets Dr Carmen in. Dr. Carmen: Minelli asked me to drop by. Well, ordered me to drop by, actually. Can we talk? Lisbon: Minelli? Dr. Carmen: He's worried about you. We all are. Lisbon: Because I had a meltdown, got perp-walked out of the CBI, or because I killed a guy? (She drops the bottle of liquor she's carrying, which is now almost empty.) Dr. Carmen: You killed McTeer? Lisbon: How the hell would I know? Maybe. (She turns around and he sees she's got her gun in her hand.) Dr. Carmen: Teresa, you want to put away your Glock there? Lisbon: Very good eye, doctor. The Glock 9mm. The safety is in the trigger. How stupid is that? I mean, it's kind of like not having a safety at all. Dr. Carmen: How about you give it to me. Lisbon: (She points the gun at him.) Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that. This is your fault. Dr. Carmen: Teresa. Lisbon: You unlocked too many things in my head and now I can't remember. My head is messed up and it's your fault. Dr. Carmen: Teresa, put it down. You need to be calm and put down the gun. Lisbon: Calm. You were right, doctor, there was something I wanted to tell you. (She points the gun at her own head now.) I act calm on the outside, but on the inside I'm so angry I think I'm going to explode. All the misery and the pain that I see every day makes me want to scream, but I lock it down. I lock it down because I have to be calm and rational because that's my job, but I want to pull this trigger. I want to kill. Dr. Carmen: You're angry. I hear that. Lisbon: I think I did it. I think I killed McTeer. Dr. Carmen: Teresa, if you did it, that's okay. He was a bad man. No reason for you to hurt anyone else, or yourself. Lisbon: I still can't remember. Dr. Carmen: You can and you will. And when you do, Teresa, when you push through to the truth, all this weight and worry will come off your shoulders. Lisbon: Okay. Dr. Carmen: I want you to visualise that scene for me. Relive that moment. You went into the alley after this terrible man. Can you see him? Lisbon: No. Well, yes. Maybe. Dr. Carmen: Yes, you see him. You see the dumpsters and the trash and the crumbling old brick and you see McTeer. You see him there, this monster who destroyed so many lives. It's too much. See it, Teresa. (We see a flashback of McTeer in the alley as he gets shot.) Live it. The reek of the garbage, the filthy alley walls, the faded cross there. (We see a flashback of the body, and sign with a mission cross on it behind him, then the metal door is slid closed.) God might have mercy on William McTeer, but you sure as hell wouldn't. He deserved to die, but you're still a good person, Teresa. (The camera pans up from her cross around her neck to her tear-stained face.) You can get through this. Lisbon: Cross. Dr. Carmen: Uh, what? Lisbon: The cross, Roy. (She drops her gun to her side and changes her whole voice and stance to her usual controlled self.) How did you know about the cross? It was inside the door. Only the killer saw. Dr. Carmen: Well, Teresa, you told me about the crime scene. Lisbon: No, I didn't. (We see a flashback of Dr Carmen taking the 3 shots.) Jane: Oh, beautifully done. (The camera pans to the stairs, where we see Jane sitting.) Lovely work, Lisbon. Dr. Carmen: What? Jane: (comes down the stairs) Of course. The cross. You couldn't resist the imagery, could you doc? Lapsed Catholic, perhaps? Dr. Carmen: What's going on? Jane: Surrender, Dorothy, we got you. Brilliant, though. Made Lisbon come back week after week so you could get her fingerprints off your coffee mug and dose her up with, uh, lorazepam? (We see a flashback of him giving her the coffee.) Double dose for Tuesday to cause a memory loss, memory loss you knew Lisbon would conceal which made her fail the polygraph. Quite the student of human nature, huh doctor? Well done, really. Dr. Carmen: Your breakdown in CBI - that was fake? Jane: And how good was that, huh? (Lisbon grins, pleased with herself.) What about that? After that, all I had to do was get Minelli to get you to come around here. Lisbon: I've been waiting for you all night. Jane: There was one little thing. I'm just...just one little thing. Lorazepam, maybe that went a little too far. When Lisbon couldn't remember the night of the murder, even under hypnosis, I knew she'd been drugged. The rest of it, spot on. Very, very impressive. Dr. Carmen: Thanks. Jane: Not at all. Lisbon punches Dr Carmen in the face. Then she gets out her cuffs and cuffs his hands behind his back. Lisbon: You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in court. You have the right to an attorney. (Jane is grinning happily.) At the CBI office, Rigsby is escorting Dr Carmen down the corridor. Rigsby: So this guy who gave you the million bucks, you ever met him face to face? Dr. Carmen: You want him, I want a deal. A good one. For what I got it's worth it. 2-5, minimum security. Rigsby: Oh, there won't be a deal. We know who he is. Just curious if you knew. We see Cho and Van Pelt bringing in Howard, also cuffed. Dr Carmen looks deflated as they go past. In an interrogation room, Van Pelt and Cho are questioning Howard. Van Pelt: It took us a while, but we traced the shell company back to you, Howard. You paid Dr Carmen and David Charles to frame Lisbon for McTeer's murder. These cash transactions prove it. Cho: Discrediting a cop is so much smarter than killing her. We'd have been all over that. But this way her testimony dies along with her career. Van Pelt: How about you give us a statement? Maybe help yourself. Howard: How about you kiss me? You're pretty. Van Pelt: So are you, compared to most state prison inmates. Lisbon is in her office, putting back her belongings that were moved when the broken glass was being cleaned up. She's setting up the pieces on her chessboard when Bosco comes in. Bosco: I hear Minelli is billing you for the glass. Lisbon: It's only fair. Bosco: You know, for a cop you made a very convincing lunatic. Jane must be proud. Lisbon: Maybe it's not good police work, but I have to confess I enjoyed it, letting loose for once. Bosco: Look, I'm glad you got cleared. Lisbon: I'm sorry that we couldn't let you in on the plan. Bosco: You could have, but you didn't. (He comes and stands close to her.) You should know that if it turned out to be you... (He looks at her meaningfully.) Lisbon: I know. Bosco: Just so you do. Enough said. (Jane walks in.) Jane: I'm not interrupting anything, am I? Bosco: No. Night, Lisbon. (Bosco leaves.) Jane: Night, Sam. Doughnuts, from Marie's. (He hands Lisbon a bag.) Lisbon: Oh. Jane: I didn't see it. Of course. Lisbon: What? (She takes a big bite of a doughnut.) Jane: He's in love with you. Lisbon: (with her mouth full) Don't be silly. Jane: I know, hard to fathom. But there's no accounting for taste, is there? Lisbon: Hush. (She throws the bag back at Jane, grinning. He goes out and she carries on getting her things sorted out. Her back is to the door, so she doesn't see Jane put his head back in and watch her for a few seconds, with a little smile, before he goes away again.)

Lisbon is still attending counselling sessions after five weeks and is upset that the psychiatrist, Dr Carmen, won't sign her off yet. The CBI receives an anonymous tip about a murder, and the team finds the dead body of a criminal from Lisbon's past -- a child molester named William Mcteer that Lisbon had arrested years ago while partnered with Sam Bosco. Lisbon is quickly named the prime suspect after her fingerprints are found on the murder weapon and she is unable to recall the night of the murder. When a lie detector test is performed, it is shown she has strong feelings of deception, and Minelli suspends her from duty just as she is about to enter court to testify against Milton Howard. She then becomes severely depressed because she cannot understand why she does not remember what happened that night. Patrick attempts to hypnotize her to help her remember, and soon realizes the reason she cannot recall any details of that night is because she has been drugged. Jane and Lisbon then put on a show in the office that makes Lisbon seem crazy. Minelli asks Dr Carmen to visit Lisbon at her home, concerned about her mental state. Whilst trying to calm Lisbon he walks her through McTeer's crime scene and accidentally reveals that he saw things only the murderer would have seen. Jane explains that Dr Carmen was paid to murder Mcteer by Milton Howard, to prevent Lisbon from testifying against him and for revenge by way of ruining her career; Dr Carmen had been gradually drugging Lisbon in her coffee at the psychiatry sessions, with extra drugs on the Tuesday so that she would not remember anything that evening.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_05x09

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_05x09_0

[Scene: Pacey's Boat Pacey and Dawson are sitting at the table talking to each other.] Pacey: so, how you been doing, man? Dawson: You know. For the most part, I'm fine. Pacey: For the most part, which I'm going to interpret as meaning that even though you're not going down in flames right now, you do have something on your mind, so why don't you just tell me what's on your mind? Dawson: [Sighs] Nothing. Really. Which--I don't know-- to tell you the truth, is kind of the problem. I can't figure out what the hell to do with myself. Pacey: And you're definitely not gonna go back to U.S.C., Huh? Dawson: No, and that I know is a right decision. But unfortunately, it's about all I know. [Both laugh] Pacey: I mean, come on, man. You gotta cut yourself a little bit of a break here. Life did just throw you one hell of a curve ball. All you really need is time, because before you know it, you're gonna be back in the saddle, full of confidence, up to your old tricks. And you have come to the right place. Dawson: Oh, yeah? Pacey: Well, yeah, man. You're talking to the king of directionless himself. What do you think I was doing with all those years of high school folly? I was perfecting the life without purpose. Dawson: You know, last year, you probably could have gotten away with a burst of self-deprecation like that. But this year, Pacey, you seem fairly driven. Pacey: Yeah, I know. It's terrible, isn't it? But what can I say? I love the kitchen life. I even love the crass kitchen attitude. Sandwich? Dawson: Sure. Pacey: But inevitably, along with the crass kitchen attitude comes the grillside drama. Dawson: Oh? Pacey: Yeah. It all started with me trying to help this girl out of her very self-destructive relationship. But then you throw in a little dash of my very poorly thought out attraction to her and her absolute lack of attraction to me. You kind of get where I'm coming from. Dawson: [Laughs] Oh, that sucks. You wanna talk about it? Pacey: Nah. To tell you the truth, it's really not all that interesting. And it's nothing you should be troubling yourself with, you know, given everything that's been on your mind lately. Dawson: [Sighs] Ahem. Well... for what it's worth, the Pacey I know would figure out a way to help the girl, no matter what the drama. Pacey: Is that so? Dawson: Without a doubt. [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Jen's House. Joey and Jen are sitting at the table studying. Jen is getting tired of it.] Jen: Ok. Joey, it's time for a study break. I've been nodding off on the same sentence to the point of drool. It's just-- it's not pretty. Joey: You don't have to ask me twice. Jen: Ahh, sweet. Joey: Hey, where's Jack? Jen: Deep in the land of frat. Joey: Did he tell you about this winter formal thing? Jen: Um, yeah. That actually sounds vaguely familiar to me, but... to be quite honest, all the Greek-speak sounds like, well, Greek to me. Joey: [Laughs] I get it. He wouldn't think of asking you to the caveman hoopla, so I get stuck with the surrogate date duties. Jen: I feel for you. I do. Watching Jack pretend to be one with the thick-necked brotherhood. Ruh ruh. Joey: Come on, it can't be that bad, right? Jen: Well, I'm sure that grams has some prescription medication somewhere that would help you a lot through this, Joey. Joey: [Laughs] Thanks, but I think I'll manage. Hey, Jen? Um... speaking of the men in our lives... how's Dawson these days? Jen: You're asking me? Joey: Well, it's, you know-- I haven't seen him for a while, and I know that you two hang out and... I guess I just needed to know that he's doing all right. Jen: He's better. He, um, he's been seeing a shrink. Which I think is really good for him, you know? He's gonna be fine. Joey: Good. It's exactly what I needed to hear. It's been, um... it's been kind of hard getting used to not... being the one to see him through this, you know. Jen: Right. Joey: I think I'm finally ok with it, which is even harder to admit without feeling like a total jerk. Jen: Oh, stop it, Joey. You're not a jerk. Joey: Well, anyway, I've been meaning to tell you that I can't think of a better person to be there for him right now than you. I'm really glad that you're there for him. Jen: Thank you. [Scene: The Frat House. Everyone is there going over what needs to be done for the party.] Polar bear: All right. Simmer down, ladies. No offense, Jack. [All laugh] Polar bear: We got a lot to do for tonight's formal and precious little time after this meeting. So let's get to it. A--this is our biggest event before the break, b--it must be perfect, and c-- everybody... must get laid. [Cheering and yelling] Polar bear: You should all be hooked up with a date by now. But for those of you chumps without one... meet the list. Yeah, the list. On the spirit of house love, I need names, people. Decent-looking honeys ready to put out. Guy1: What about Debbie? Guy2: How about Suzanne? [Shouting] Guy3: What about-- what about those fine-ass Worthington chicks? All: Yeah! Guy3: Come on, dog, we know you got some hottie friends. Polar bear: And we know you're not looking to score with 'em. [All laugh] Frat brother: Talk! Talk! Come on, please talk! Jack: All right! All right! All right! I may know a girl that meets the specified requirements. Eric: Hey! I got dibs on whatever this guy's got. Ok, I've seen these quality chicks Mcphee hangs with. [Laughs] Polar bear: So our main man Eric has got himself a date. [Yelling and cheering] [Scene: Karen's Apartment. Karen answers the door to find Pacey outside.] Pacey: Ok. Now, I am aware of how absurd what I am about to say is gonna sound. But I'm also aware of how miserable your current love life can make you sometimes. And I can't just sit around that kitchen anymore and watch you hurt, especially when I know that I can do something about it, so I'm here to ask you out, Karen. Karen: I can't go on a date with you, Pacey. Pacey: Ok, that's fine. Then you don't really have to think of it as a date so much. You can think of it as an opportunity to compare and contrast. A free trial run of a life without heartache. Karen: Pacey, you know I can't. Pacey: Actually, I know that you can, Karen. Because, look, you need a break from your relationship. I mean, hell, I need a break from your relationship. And I promise to wear clean socks, leave all the kinky underwear at home. I might even stop by C.V.S. And steal myself a bottle of cologne. So what do you say? Yeah? Do I have any reason to feel hope here? I mean, you have my word. I'll keep this whole thing completely platonic. Karen: Fine. A friendly outing on the town. Nothing more. Pacey: Excellent. You rock. So I'll pick you up around 7:00? Karen: 7:00. [Scene: Rachel's office. Dawson is sitting and talking things over with Rachel.] Rachel: So this is your friend Pacey you're talking about? Dawson: Yeah, but it's not just him. It's all my friends. It's like, they-- it's been 2 months, and everybody's still-- they're holding things back from me, like they're trying to protect me. I mean, they look at me like this--as this... fragile, breakable thing instead of just Dawson, the person. And I know they mean well. It's just... it makes it virtually impossible to move on. Rachel: Have you mentioned this to any of them? Dawson: Yeah. Well... no, actually. No, I haven't mentioned it to them. Rachel: What about that film festival you told me about? Isn't that coming up? Dawson: This weekend. Rachel: Are you going? Dawson: Hadn't planned on it, no. Rachel: It might be good to take life on the road for a little while. Help clear your mind. You could even take one of those friends you feel so estranged from. Come on, there must be someone you can take. [Scene: The radio Station. Jen is on the air announcing the new songs.] Jen: Well, this little ditty goes out to all you brave souls out there surviving a heartbreak. Trust me, better things will come. [Liz Phair's Ride playing] [Jen looks up to see Nora outside.] [Turns down music] Nora: Hello. Jen: Hey! Oh, and don't worry, our duplicitous sleazebag formerly known as our boyfriend Charlie is not here today. Nora: Ah, that's a good thing. Jen: Yeah, that's always a good thing. You know what? Even if he were here, it wouldn't really matter to me. Nora: Really? Jen: Yep. I think that time has finally done its healing thing. [Jen notices that she has a weird look on her face.] Jen: Hey, what's up? Nora: Nothing. I just wish I had your self-control. I mean, I know I should be puking at the mere mention of Charlie's name, but I find myself daydreaming about him. His latest attempt to woo us back with that whole "I've changed" pitch. Jen: Uh, wait. Which "I've changed" pitch? Nora: You know, all those corny love letters he keeps sending. Doesn't it seem sometimes, you know, in that moment you crawl into bed alone, like, "hey, maybe he really did change"? Jen: [Sighs] Gosh. I don't know which love letters you mean. Nora: Oh. Hasn't he been sending you letters? Jen: No. Nora: Oh. Wow. Jen: So he's trying to woo you back with love letters, huh? That's Nora: Jen, I'm so sorry. Are you ok? Jen: No, no, no. Please. Please don't apologize. I swear it's fine. I was just saying to you that it doesn't matter to me. [Scene: A coffee house. Jen is crying on the couch, and Dawson puts his arm around her and pulls her to him to try and comfort her.] Jen: I want corny love letters. I just don't understand why he chose her and not me. Is there something wrong with me? Dawson: Jen, there's nothing wrong with you. Jen: It's just-- all this time, I thought he was cheating on us on equal ground, you know? But, no, she got to be the girlfriend and I was just the... floozie. Dawson: The floozie? Jen: Yeah. Dawson: [Laughs] The floozie? Jen: [Laughing] It's what I am. A floozie. Dawson: Oh, Jen. [SCENE_BREAK] Jen: This is supposed to be the other way around. I'm supposed to be consoling you, you know. Dawson: No, please. It's the least I can do. And believe it or not, it's helping me. A lot. Jen: I just don't wanna be here. The thought of running into either of them makes me wanna puke. Dawson: Ok, so let's get out of here, then. This weekend. Jen: Well, I'm game. Where do you wanna go? Dawson: You ever been to Hooksett, new Hampshire? Jen: No. [Laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey and Audrey are getting ready for the Frat party.] Audrey: Can I tell you something? I am so psyched to be going to this formal thing. I was so excited when Jack called. Ok, granted, last-minute arrangements can be kind of annoying, not to mention blind dates can be as dangerous as gator wrestling. Joey. You're hogging the mirror. Joey: Oh. Ow. Freak. Audrey: Oh, god! Hello, hideous. Do I even like any of my clothes? Joey: Audrey, you look great. Besides, I really don't know what the big deal is. I mean as much as I want to give Jack credit, I'm sure it's just another night of frat debauchery masquerading as an event. Audrey: Ok, killjoy. First off, Jack said this Eric guy is hella'cute, which right off, sounds pretty interesting to me. And secondly, for someone as progressive as you, it's amazing how closed-minded you are about frats. Joey: The words "progressive" and "frat" do not belong together in the same sentence. [Audrey puts on another coat] Audrey: What about this one? Joey, we're going on a double date. A little cheer, please. Joey: Ok, ok. Well, if nothing else, at least I'll have a good time with Jack, right? [Knock on door] Audrey: Wait, wait. Ok. Jack: Hey. Joey: Hey, handsome. Jack: Wow! Joey, you look beautiful. Joey: Thank you. Jack: Audrey. Hi. How you doing? Audrey: I'm great. Jack: Good. Good. Eric, this is Joey. Eric: Hey. Nice to meet you. Joey: Nice to meet you. Eric: This is Audrey. Audrey: Hi. Eric: Hi. Jack was right. You're a stone fox. Audrey: Thank you. You know, I guess you'll have to do. [Laughs] Well, let's go. Jack: Shall we? Joey: Yeah, yeah, let's go. [Scene: The Hotel in New Hampshire. Dawson and Jen walk up to the Counter to check in.] Woman: Can I help you yet? Dawson: Yeah. I'm Dawson Leery, checking in for the film festival. Woman: Oh, my god! You're totally wicked cute. Way cuter than the picture. Dawson: There's a picture? Woman: Mm-hmm. [] Oh. Is this your girlfriend? Jen: Ha! Ha! Ha! Guy: Oh, cool! Your movie's awesome! Your screening sold out. You beat Oliver, you know? He's like the biggest thing around these parts. Dawson: I'm sorry. Who's Oliver? Woman: He's our local celebrity. Guy: I don't see what the big deal is, though. Ask me, he looks kind of retarded. Woman: He's like, eccentric, Trevor. God! [Dawson and Jen go upstairs to their room.] Dawson: Ok, let me make this clear. It is more than an option to turn around and go back home right now. Jen: Oh, I don't think so. Granted, the people of this town are a little...off, but who can deny that we could both use the love? And what better way to spend an evening than as girlfriend to the biggest celebrity in town? Dawson: Gee, honey, you shouldn't have. Jen: Well... wow! [They open the door to the room to see the honeymoons suite.] [Scene: The Frat Party. Joey, Jack, Audrey and Eric have all just arrived.] Joey: You guys really went all out. Guy1: Sigma Ep. Expect nothing less. Guy2: Way to deliver, man. Guy3: Score, big daddy. Score. Joey: What was that? Jack: Nothing. The guys just being idiots. Eric: Take your coats, ladies? Audrey: Ok. Joey: You know, Jen should be sharing in this pain right now. I should call her. Jack: No can do. She's gone for the weekend with Dawson. [Scene: At a seafood restaurant. Pacey and Karen are on their date.] Karen: That was great. Pacey: Thanks. [To the waiter] Just the check, please. Thank you. [to Karen] So? Karen: What? Pacey: Oh, come on. Was this good, or was this good? Now give me a little bit of credit here because I saw the look on your face when we came in. Karen: I did not have a face. Pacey: You had a face. But let's get back to giving me credit, shall we? You may also have noticed that tonight I have kept us in very crowded places because I wouldn't want you to be tempted to jump me on our non-date evening. Karen: Well, I mean, you are wearing that really sexy outfit. Damn. Who would have thought you'd clean up so good? And you're so right. A lesser guy would have not afforded my self-control such a generous security blanket. You've saved me from myself. Pacey: Well, it hasn't been easy, let me tell you. [Karen chuckles] Pacey: And I know you don't like hearing this, Karen, but you do deserve better than being Brecher's illicit affair. A woman who is as giving and as beautiful as yourself deserves someone who's gonna be there loving you back just as hard. [Scene: Outside the theater. Jen and Dawson are leaving the theater after watching one of the films up for the award.] Dawson: Ok. That was good. Jen: Yeah, that was really good. Dawson: Which just kinda puts the final nail in the coffin. Jen: What nail? What coffin? Dawson: How did I get top prize? I mean, either my dad donated a wing to the Hooksett public library, or these people have no idea what's good and what's bad. Jen: Ok. This has gotta stop. Dawson: What's gotta stop? Jen: This--the people of this town are perfectly nice. And you blaming them for bad taste is obviously just a way to undermine your own artistic abilities. And you have a tremendous talent, so would you please stop putting yourself down? Or I'll have to break up with you. Dawson: You can't break up with me. You'll never break up with me. The physical attraction is far too strong. Jen: You got me there, tiger. [Oliver comes out of the theater and walks over to them.] Oliver: Hey! Leery? Your movie better be good, man. This festival consistently gives the first prize to a film with a fresh voice and unique vision. I've won it 3 years in a row, and I just don't like the idea of being usurped by a Hollywood slickster, you know? It's just not cool. [Turns to Jen and says.] Hi. You're really pretty. Jen: Who's gonna argue? [Scene: Outside Karen's apartment. Pacey is walking Karen home after their date.] Pacey: No after-dinner cigarette? Karen: No cigarette. I tend to only smoke when I'm nervous or severely annoyed. Pacey: So, then, not nervous or severely annoyed? I guess I should take that as a good sign. In fact, I don't think I saw you yell or complain all night long. It's amazing what being out of civilization does for a girl. If I didn't know you better, I would say that you positively light up. Karen: Now, don't go ruin the moment with unnecessary compliments. Pacey: And why not? Enough of the cynicism. I say that we ruin this night silly with unnecessary flattery. Karen Torres, you are a beautiful young woman with fantastic taste in clothing, and although your jokes do tend to bomb, you make up for it with that sparkling smile of yours. Ok. Now, it's your turn. Karen: I had a great time tonight, Pacey. Pacey: Yeah, I'll take that. Karen: Thank you. Pacey: You know, just seeing you have a good time is thanks enough. Anyway, uh... good night, Karen. [He goes to kiss her on the cheek, and she turns his face and kisses him full on the mouth. They begin making out and make their way into the apartment, where Karen pushes him down on the couch and jumps on top of him.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The theater just after seeing Dawson's film on A.I. Brooks] Announcer: The first time I saw this documentary, I knew I was in the hands of a talented filmmaker, but I was equally moved by a letter which accompanied the film's submission. It was a letter from the filmmaker's father telling me that I absolutely could not ignore his son's work. Honestly, I was predisposed to hate the film because, well, it didn't show up until 3 days passed the deadline. But I'm a father myself, and I know a thing or two about parental pride. So I grudgingly put the video in the VCR. And after 5 minutes, I knew Mitch Leery was right. I absolutely could not ignore his son's work. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the filmmaker behind this year's top prize film... Dawson Leery. [After some coxing from Jen he goes up to the podium.] Dawson: Uh... I don't know what to say. My dad... loved movies. He loved them, uh, in the truest sense in that he had no interest in making them. He just... he loved watching them. He started taking me to movies at a very early age. I loved it. He would take me to movies and then, uh... and then talk to me about them. And thank god he did. Um, 'cause there's no way I would be here right now if he hadn't done that. Um, thank you so much for this award and for receiving this film so warmly. I dedicate this film to my dad, and I will remember him every time I look at this. So, thank you. And a very special thank you to my girlfriend Jen Lindsey. [She smiles and blushes a little] [Scene: The Frat Party. Audrey and Eric are sitting at a bench talking. Audrey is not having much fun.] Eric: I'm-- I'm not saying that I bench that much yet. But I mean, some of the guys, they do. It's crazy. So, um, what gym do you go to? [Someone screams] [Eric puts his arm around Audrey's shoulder] Audrey: What are you doing? Eric: Nothing. You want another drink? [Scene: The Frat party. Jack is by the bar when Eric goes up to him.] Eric: Hey! Mcphee! I'm beginning to think you lied to me, man. Jack: What are you talking about? Eric: Audrey. This chick, she's all tease and no please. Jack: Come on. It's only halfway through the night. I mean, give her some time. She'll come around. Eric: God, I don't know, man. It's like I gave her my best moves and my best lines, and it... zzz! Nothing! What if she turns out to be a prude? Jack: What? No, no. Believe me. Look, the last thing Audrey is is a prude. I don't know what you're so worried about, man. I mean, Audrey's easy, all right. She's just looking to have a good time. I know for a fact that she was psyched to come here tonight. You just, you know, play your cards right and she'll hook up with you for sure. [He turns around to see that Joey was standing behind him when he said this] [Scene: Karen's Apartment. Pacey is getting dressed and getting ready to leave.] Pacey: Look, I know that this is complicated. And despite what were my best intentions, I promise you I know that I haven't helped, but there's no reason why we can't work this out. Karen: This doesn't change anything, Pacey. This doesn't mean that we're in a relationship. Pacey: Well, I know that we're not having a relationship, but now Karen: then why the hell did you start this in the first place? Pacey: Hold on a second here. You kissed me. Remember? Karen: That was a mistake. Ok? You're not worth what I'm risking. Pacey: So, then why did you do it? Karen: I don't know. Pacey: Did you sleep with me to get back at Brecher? You did, didn't you? Karen: It's not that simple. Pacey: No, it is that simple. [Scene: At a party for the contestants of the film festival.] Photographer: Ok. Let's squeeze in on the sides. Good. Hold it. Ok. Thanks a lot, guys. Appreciate it. [The contestants are getting their pictures taken together.] Oliver: You know, you're really pissing me off, Leery. I mean, I used to take pride in thinking that I was the only geek in America that knew who A.I. Brooks was. Seriously, though, man, your flick is fantastic. I'm blown away. Dawson: Thank you. Oliver: You know, you're not half the goon I thought you were. Dawson: I'm not a, uh, Hollywood slickster? Oliver: Ok. Ok. I can get a little carried away sometimes. So? How do you like 'sc? Dawson: Uh, dropped out, actually. Um, it just wasn't for me. What about you? Your movie is worthy of great stuff. Why are you hanging around here? Oliver: Well, here is where I grew up. I go to school in Boston. This really weird visual arts place full of freaks and misfits. And you know, it might suit you. Yeah, you should, uh, come check it out sometime. Dawson: Definitely. Thank you. I might. Oliver: Cool. Ah, here comes your girl. Dawson: She's, uh... Oliver: hi. Jen: Hey. Dawson: Jen, this is Oliver. Jen: Oh. Yeah. God. Your movie was fantastic. Oliver: Thanks. Um, and you're still really pretty. Jen: Thank you. Oliver: I was just about to tell Dawson how lucky he is. You guys make a great couple. Jen: Well, thank you. Very much. Oliver: No problem. Um, I'll see you around? Dawson: Yeah. See ya. [Jen laughs] Jen: Did you hear that, baby? You're lucky to have me. Dawson: That's an understatement if I ever heard one. [Scene: The Frat party. Jack and Joey are in a heated discussion on what just happened.] Jack: What? Joey: How do you get off talking about Audrey like that? Jack: You yourself used to talk about her like that. Joey: Yeah, but that's before I knew her. I wasn't going around selling her to the highest bidder. Jack: It was just stupid, harmless fun. That's it. Joey: I can't believe you just said that. Jack, what happened to you? When did you turn into this jerk? Jack: Hold on. You don't understand. Joey: You're right. I don't understand, and that's because you never cared to explain. It's like you just couldn't wait for the moment we got to Boston so you could drop us and get new friends. Jack: Whoa--whoa. That's not true. Joey: No? Jack: Look. Joey: What? Jack: I feel at home here. For once, I have a family that's not constantly on the brink of self-destruction. I mean, with these guys, I can finally live my life instead of constantly worrying about someone else's. Joey: Really? Because it feels to me like you're hiding, Jack, like you're pushing us and yourself away, because maybe it's just easier to be another one of the meatheads. Jack: Meathead? Joey: Yeah. Jack: You don't even know any of these people. Joey: Well, I really don't want to run off and meet 'em all now that I know they're all wanna-be pimps. Jack: See, now you're exaggerating, Joey. You know what? Every time something doesn't meet your standard of righteousness, you write it off like it's the worst thing on earth. Joey: Standard of righteousness? Jack: Yeah. Joey: Jack, try common decency and respect. Jack: Joey, look around. Everybody here is having a good time. Nobody's forcing anyone to be here. Joey: That's true. No one's forcing me to be here. [Scene: The hotel room. Jen is coming out of the Bathroom in her pajamas, and Dawson is sitting on the bed thinking.] Jen: What are you thinking about? Dawson: My dad. In a good way. In a really good way. In a way I haven't been able to in a long time. Standing up there in front of all those people, talking about him, it was just... it was so nice to remember him. You know, and for the first time, I was finally able to appreciate what a great father he was and how lucky I was to have known him without feeling guilty. Without feeling like I let him down. I don't wanna jinx anything, but... I daresay I'm happy. Jen: Well, I hope so 'cause you deserve it. Dawson: And I have you to thank in a big way. Jen: How do you figure? Dawson: You've somehow managed to figure out a way to be there for me. And that... uh...I'll never be able to put into words what that means to me. Jen: Listen. I... it's the least I can do for the guy who restores my faith in the opposite s*x. Dawson: [Laughs] I do that? Jen: Yes, you do do that. Dawson: Wow. How do I do that? Jen: Because...eh, um... no. When it didn't work out between us all those years ago, um... you still have managed to give me a place in your heart. Dawson: Why didn't it work out between us? Jen: You were in love with Joey. Dawson: No. That's too easy. I seem to recall you having broken up with me. Jen: Yeah, but, I-- oh, god. I quickly saw the errors of my ways and proceeded to, um... hurl myself at you in a very embarrassing fashion. Dawson: That's right. You did. Oh, god. And I'm ashamed to admit it, but I really enjoyed that. I did. I loved it, especially you being the first girl that had torn my heart out and all. Jen: I did? Dawson: God, yeah. Temple of doom style. But... anyway... I think I'm fully aware of the reason it didn't work out between us. Jen: Why? Dawson: You were never physically attracted to me. Jen: Is that what you think? Dawson: Yeah. I think you thought that I was safe. Jen: Yeah. [She goes over and kisses him, then begins to pull back when Dawson pulls her into kiss him more intensely. They begin undressing one another to make love to one another.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The hotel room. Jen and Dawson are lying in bed after just having made love to one another. Jen is looking down at Dawson as he is lying there] Jen: Look at you smiling. Dawson: So that's what everyone's talking about. Jen: That's it. Dawson: Hmm... it wasn't... what I imagined. Jen: It's not? Dawson: No. Everyone always told me your first time is never as good as you'd imagine it to be. That was... every bit the fantasy. Uh, you were Jen: Shh! We. We were. Dawson: You're right. We. We were great. [Scene: Inside the restaurant. Brecher is doing some paper work when Pacey walks in.] Brecher: What's wrong, Witter? You're early. Pacey: I need to talk to you for a sec. Brecher: All right. What's up? Pacey: I quit. Brecher: This is about Karen? Pacey: Yes, this is about Karen. So you know things have gotten a little complicated, and I'm sorry because I didn't mean for this to happen. Brecher: Yeah, you did. There's no need to lie to me about it. Pacey: You're saying that to me, the guy who's cheating on his wife, and you put me right in the middle of it. Do you ever stop to think about that, or did you ever stop to think about Karen? Brecher: More than you'll ever know, kid. Pacey: Fine. Whatever. I still quit. Brecher: Fine. That's cool. Karen already beat you to it. Pacey: What? Brecher: That's what she wanted, not me. Look, I'm sorry you got caught up in this. I should probably never have borrowed your boat. I'm sorry that your image of me has been shattered. I never said I was perfect. That's the way things are sometimes. Job's still yours if you want it. [Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey walks into the room to find Jack and Audrey there talking.] Joey: Is everything ok? Audrey: Yes. I was just putting Jack through a pretty grueling apology here, but he passed. Come here, you! [] Jack: I'm so sorry. Audrey: I know. I know. No hard feelings, ok? Just a lot of making up to do. And the next time you set me up, it better be with someone secure enough with girls not to resort to, like, muscle-and-fitness talk. Joey: Really, what was that about? Audrey: Go easy on him, bunny. Jack: [Sighs] Ok, uh... the thing is, Joey, um... there really isn't much I can say to defend the way that I acted last night. It just... it's really hard sometimes, you know, balancing things out, meeting new friends, trying to bring them together with the--with the old. I don't know. Joey: It probably doesn't help when the old friends are quick to judge something they... know nothing about. Jack: Well, actually, that's what you need sometimes to keep from being such an ass. Joey: You know, Jack, you grow up in this small town, you know, thinking you have the most open mind and you're ready for anything. And then you finally hit the big city, and, suddenly, there are still so many surprises, like, no matter how open you thought your mind was, there's still so much to learn in sometimes places you never would have even thought. Jack: Yeah. Joey: If a fraternity is what you need, we need to learn to accept that. I need to learn to be less extreme about it. Jack: Come here. [Chuckles] [Scene: A bench outside the restaurant. Karen is sitting there when Pacey walks up and joins her.] Pacey: Eh...so... last night, I never would have guessed that we were gonna be sitting here like this. Karen: I'm sorry for what I said, Pacey. Last night was just as much my fault as it was yours. For what it's worth, I don't regret it, not a single second. You forced me to make a decision I should have made a long time ago. Pacey: Then why don't you give it a chance? I mean, you don't have to leave, Karen. Karen: No. I do. I owe myself some major regrouping, and I have you to thank for making me realize that. You called me on a lot of things that need fixing. Nobody can save you from yourself. Pacey: I probably would have tried anyway. Karen: I know. Stick with Brecher, Pacey. He's not such a bad guy. He's got a soft spot for ya. Besides... you're good in there. Pacey: Thanks. Karen: Take care, Witter. Pacey: Yep, you, too, Torres. [Scene: the hotel room. Dawson and Jen are packing up their bags to leave.] Jen: Back to reality, huh? Dawson: Hmm. I guess. Jen: [Sighs] Dawson? I need to talk. Dawson: Ok. So let's talk. Jen: Ok. I just feel awkward and... there's too much at stake for me to let it slide. Dawson: What do you mean? Jen: I don't know. I mean, part of me wishes that last night could just be, um, a beautiful memory, and the other part knows that s*x changes everything. And I just don't want to lose our friendship. Dawson: Ok. You're not gonna lose my friendship. I promise. Jen: Ok? Dawson: And, yes, s*x does change things. But who says it has to be for the worse? Jen: What does that mean? Dawson: [Sighs] I don't know. I don't know. If I told you I knew where this was leading, I'd be lying to you, 'cause I don't. All I know is... it happened last night, and it felt right. And if s*x changes things, you know what? I say, bring it on. I'm ready to explore that. Jen: Ok. I'm in. I wish we didn't have to leave here. Dawson: So we stay. Jen: Stay? Dawson: Yeah. [He dumps his bag out onto the floor.] We stay. At least a couple days. After all, this is the honeymoon suite, right? Jen: And I am your girlfriend. [He picks her up and carries her to the bed again.]

After watching scary movies, Joey, Pacey and Jack talk about their creepiest experiences and urban legends. Joey shares her story of how she was almost attacked by the librarian on Halloween and saved by the creepy man she was running from. Jack tells the story of when he was helping clean the frat house basement and found a guy strapped, who later he found out to be a ghost. Pacey reveals that he was chased by a black car while giving Karen a ride home, but there was nobody driving the car. Grams arrives and says she has the scariest story: the time when Jen got locked out of the radio booth.

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Blake: Oh, man, you were great in there, Owen. Owen: Tell me something that I don't know. Blake: Okay. Uh...I play upright bass for the Barenaked Ladies. Owen: That's you? Blake: [ Laughing ] Yeah. Owen: Oh! Sal: Cut loose, footloose, both feet lose, in fact. Kick off your Sunday shoes and put on your Thursday shoes because the staff dance is tonight -- Thursday. Valerie: Yes! I love dancing. I mean give me a 6/8 time signature and my feet just start flying. Dori: Really? Valerie: Yeah. Dori: I'm more of 12/8 type, you know, doo-wop, jigs. Valerie: Really? Dori: Yeah. Valerie: What about a 3/4, boop-bah-bah, boop-bah-bah. Dori: Oh, yeah. Valerie: What about you, Lola? If you were a time signature, which one would you be? Lola: Zero-over-zero. I'm a terrible dancer. Valerie: You know, I once knew a girl in college who didn't know how to dance. Lola: Yeah? Valerie: She died of a skin disease. Was there a connection? I'd like to think so. Lola: Oh. Well, have a good time tonight, you guys, 'cause I'm not going. Valerie: What about you, chief? Chief: Oh, I can't go to the dance. It doesn't start until 7:00 and the rapture is happening at 6:00, so I'll be dancing, but in Christ's heavenly kingdom by then. Probably nude. Chet: Breaker, breaker. Childrens Hospital, this is the Bearded Clam. Sy: Uh, h-hello, Bearded Clam. Uh, this is Sy. How are you? Okay. Okay. Um... uh, Bearded Clam, 10-4. This is the Boston strangler. Chet: Wait. That's your handle? Sy: Well, it's a long story. Let's just say I lived in Boston in the '60s, and I'm smarter than the police. What can I do for you? Chet: I got a 16-year-old needs emergency heart surgery. [ Engine stops ] Uh-oh. Sy: "Uh-oh." What does that mean, "Uh-oh?" Chet: I'm out of gas! I'm not gonna make it. Sy: All right. Well, how close are you? Chet: 10, maybe 20 yards. It's hard to tell. Sy: How long would it take you to run to the nearest gas station, get a gas can, fill it with gas, run back, and pour it into the ambulance? Chet: With my asthma? Too long. Sy: Then you're gonna have to perform this operation on your own, Chet. Chet: What?! No! No, I'm a paramedic, I -- Sy: You're whatever God needs you to be. And right now, she needs you to be a top-notch heart surgeon. Sal: Attention, staff. I'm doing air quotes as I say this. Owen: Excuse me. Can I help you? [ Gasps ] You're international pop superstar Madonna! Madonna: The one and only. Owen: What brings you to our little hospital, Madonna? Madonna: You know how doctors are always the unsung heroes. I want to make them the sung heroes by singing about them. So I guess I'm here for a little inspiration. Owen: Well, allow me to give you the V.I.P. tour, Madonna. Madonna: All right. Owen: Oh, Madonna. I have always wanted to ask you, what is Michael Jackson like? Madonna: Well, off-camera, he was surprisingly fat. Glenn: Hey, Lola. Lola: Hey. Glenn: I heard about your "dilemon." Well, how about we make some "dilemonade?" You don't have to miss out. I can teach you how to dance. Lola: You can do that by tonight? Glenn: Watch this. Oh, here we go. Turn around. Lola: Whaa! What! How did... Glenn: Hey. Meet me in the hospital dance rehearsal room in an hour. We got work to do. Lola: Oh. Sy: All right, if I understand how these things go, the first thing you need is something to cut with. Chet: Nothing like that here. Oh, wait! I've got an idea. Sy: Now, you'll need something to sterilize with. Chet: I've got some wite-out and a trojan extra ribbed condom. Mommy said I'd never get a chance to use this. I guess mommy can burn in hell. I'm the man who's gonna save your life!! Don't be scared!! Owen: See, Madonna, there's tons of inspiring stuff in a hospital. Take these elevators -- I can think of plenty of things that rhyme with elevator -- calculator, smell ya later, alligator. Madonna: Mm, what else? Owen: Space invader, decorator. Valerie: Oh, God. Is that Madonna with Owen? Chief: Yes, it is. And you and she can share a room in hell, unless you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior within the next three hours. [ Upbeat music plays ] Glenn: No. No, no, no! Not so controlled. Attack it! Attack it! Attack it! Seduce us! Damn it! Lola: I don't know! Glenn: Turn around. Lola: Whaa! Whoa! Whoa! No! That's not what I signed on for! Is that even dance? Glenn: Are you questioning me? I studied at the Alvin Ailey dance company for 16 years. Lola: Really? Glenn: Racist! I'm not gonna dignify that with an answer, but I did and you are a racist. Lola: I'm sorry. I just -- you're right. It's just -- God, dance is as foreign to me as Mario Andretti. Glenn: Racer. I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response, but I will -- He is a racecar driver. Lola, listen to me. I know it's hard, but you got to trust me on this. Relax. This is all part of the dance. Lola: Okay. Glenn: All right. Lola: Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah. That's all part of the dance. Chet: Listen, I got the chest open, but I hit a road block at the rib cage. Sy: All right, you need something that says bone saw or rib spreader. Chet: Alls I've got is the bone saw and rib spreader that God gave me. Glenn: And one and two, and one and two, and one and I want to make love to you right now. Lola: What are you doing? Glenn: It's called an adagio. These are basic dance moves that include speaking the line "I want to make love to you right now." Maybe you're not ready for this staff dance. Lola: I'm sorry I wasted your time. Glenn: Wastist! Lola: No, Glenn! Wait! I-I was scared. Please, don't give up on me. I was ready to give up, but then I saw you rip off those warmers and I just -- Glenn: Shh. Now that you're ready to work, as a dancer... Lola: Mm-hmm. Glenn: ...I want you to insert this diaphragm. And as a dancer, try not to make it all weird. Chief: [ Laughs ] [SCENE_BREAK] Oh, my gosh! Here we go. Okay, three, two, one. I'm ready, Jesus! Jesus? Ready. [ Sighs ] Aww, nuts. Sy: Have you gotten through the rib cage yet? Chet: [ Grunts ] Oh, whoopsie! Looks like I got through a while ago. Sy: Well done, Bearded Clam. You're great. Valerie: Here you go, Chet. Chet: Oh, thanks, val. Valerie: 'Cause I thought you'd be thirsty. Chet: Whoo! Got to get this finished in time to take a shower before the big dance. So I can dance with chief. Valerie: Well, I've already had a shower, so if you want, I can do this? Chet: Oh, you know what? That would be great. Valerie: I'm also a trained heart surgeon, so that works. Chet: Oh, very cool. Okay. Let me get out of your way. Valerie: All right. Chet: Good luck. Valerie: Thanks. Lola: Whoo, yeah. I think I've got the hang of it. Thanks, Glenn. Dancing sure makes me feel... Relaxed. Glenn: Well, it does do that. Oh, and one other note. You don't have to call out "Oh, God!" at the end of every dance. No, you can just shout out anything you want. Lola: Okay. Glenn: Just don't use the "N" word, that's my thing. Lola: Okay. Madonna: Nothing, nothing. I give up. I don't have my song. Owen: Aw. Madonna: I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm another 100-hit wonder. Dori: Can we get a hand over here?! Owen: What is it? Valerie: All right, give me 50cc of propylene glycol. Owen: Madonna? Dori: Do you think he's gonna make it, Dr. Flame? Owen: You see something, girl? Valerie: I don't know, Dori. We never know, do we? We just do our best. Owen: Did you see something, Madonna? Valerie: We're just people behind these masks. People behind these masks. Madonna: People behind these masks. That's it. I have my song. Owen: Did you see a situation that inspired you? [ Upbeat music plays ] Have you seen Glenn and Lola dancing? Dori: No. Owen: They're amazing! Dori: [ Gasps ] Wow! Lola: Wow, I'm so relieved that we hired look-alikes to dance for us. Glenn: That's not dancing. Tell me, what you gonna do when love's on your door... Sy: Hi. I thought you were gonna change and shower. Chet: I did. Sy: Well, the chief is right over there. Go get her. Chet: Uh, I-I don't know how. Sy: Okay. Uh...Breaker, breaker. This is the Boston strangler. Chet: 10-4, good buddy. This is the Bearded Clam, over. Sy: Bearded Clam, just go over there and be yourself. Chet: Myself. My true secret self. Sy: Well, maybe not that. Chet: Chief? Those are chief's clothes! Oh, my God! She's ascended to heaven! Chief: Hey, everybody! The scripture is a liar, so let's strip down and party! [ Cheers and applause ] Owen: Everyone, can I have your attention, please? I've got a very special treat for you. With the world premiere of her brand-new song about what amazing doctors we are, please welcome my hero, Madonna! Lola: What's he talking about? [ Cheers and applause ] Madonna: Thank you. This song is called, "The People Behind These Masks." Dori: That's us. Madonna: Give me a 6/8 blues riff. Valerie: 6/8, yes! Madonna: dance, dance everybody, dance get on the floor and get your dance you, get on the floor, open the door and beat is the music, is the song that is beat you know it, do it Pillsbury dough it, take the bullet Lola: Wow. She really gets what it's like to be a doctor. Madonna: take the beat, use your feet dance do your dance, do your dance with a song do your dance, do your dance balloons take the take they take on the make 'cause they're in, out it's the song that's going to end it's the song that's going, stop the song [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you. What else do you want to hear? "Material Girl"? "Like a Virgin"? Glenn: No. Let's hear something from the public domain. How about "When The Saints Go Marching In"? [ Cheering ] It's probably safer. Lola: Yeah. Madonna: Hit it. Oh, saints, saints, saints oh, saints go All: go marching in Madonna: when the saints All: go marching in Madonna: go marching in All: oh, I want to be in that number oh, when the saints go marching in Madonna: do the saints go to heaven? take a saint four, five, six, seven All: go marching in Madonna: saint, saint, go, go All: saint, saint, saint Madonna: saints go march they all march to April, may, and march Peter, Paul, Mary, John saints one and all take them down, put them in a pie saints, I'm not lost you figure it out you're the one that's dumb Sal: Attention, staff. You call it dancing, I call it tomahto. That is all.

Madonna visits the hospital, stunning Owen.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x10

fd_One_Tree_Hill_09x10_0

SOUND STAGE Dan shows to Julian the body. JULIAN: Whoa! No, no. Is that... DAN: Our friend the drug dealer. At least it used to be. JULIAN: No. No, no, no. I didn't see that. I-I don't see that. DAN: You mean him? JULIAN: There's no "him." DAN: Sure there is... Well, what's left of him. He's right there. JULIAN: You can't... Okay, he's not... You can't kill people in a sound stage... My sound stage! DAN: You rented it to me. JULIAN: You said it wasn't illegal! I'm not a part of this. DAN: Julian. JULIAN: There's a dead guy in my sound stage! DAN: Julian, he's not dead. He's just...Well, I guess he could be dead by now. JULIAN: I can't go to prison, okay? You said it yourself. They'll like me there. DAN: You're not going to prison. JULIAN: I have a family, man! DAN: Nobody is going to prison. Will you just calm down?! Besides, we're the only two people that know about this. Chris joins them. CHRIS: Is that guy dead? DAN: Okay, three people know. Four, counting Haley. JULIAN: We're going to jail. LOCAL Dmitri says Nathan he is on front one. DMITRI: Rise and shine! Hey, look. Front page. Not your best photo, true, but still, front page is good, no? Before I get large cash, I have to show in good faith that you are still alive and somewhat well. Okay. Open your eyes, chin up. Say "the cheese." Would you like 8x10 or wallet size? No? Nathan Scott. The rest is silence. NATHAN: No. Please. Not the hood. DMITRI: Because you say "please." Etiquette counts, my friend. Look at this marmaduke. He... he crazy dog. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley tries ti distress in making sports. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke enters and sees the cafe is a mess. SOUND STAGE Julian panics. JULIAN: Is he dead yet? CHRIS: I don't think so. Check his pulse or something. DAN: He's not dead. CHRIS: He's right. He's not dead... yet. Boy, I'd sure hate to own this place. JULIAN: Why? What's that supposed to mean? CHRIS: Well, kidnapping, aggravated assault. JULIAN: Dude... DAN: Relax. You shut up. What are you doing here, anyway? CHRIS: Well, I came to help, but Chris Keller's too pretty to go to prison. JULIAN: Yeah, that's what i said. CHRIS: You said Chris Keller was pretty? DAN: Nobody's going to prison. How'd you know to find us here? CHRIS: Haley... I followed her last night. By the way, she was looking super fine. DAN: Why? CHRIS: I don't know. She had on this little miniskirt and these boots. DAN: Why did you follow her? CHRIS: Oh. I was worried about her and about Nate. So I saw you guys drag the dead body in here. JULIAN: He's not dead. Don't say "dead." CHRIS: I followed her home, and I watched her cry in her car. I assume this guy knows where Nate is. Did he tell you? DAN: He told me. CHRIS: And you're gonna bring him home? DAN: That's right. CHRIS: Then I want to help. DAN: Good. CHRIS: Damn! Chris Keller was kind of hoping you'd say no, like when you offer to pick up a check. I was just being courteous. JULIAN: You guys understand what we're doing here, right, with the dead body in the trunk and the weapons in the bag? You realize this is real, yes? DAN: Yes. JULIAN: Well, I think we should go to the cops. DAN: No. JULIAN: Why not? DAN: 'Cause I don't trust them. JULIAN: Why? DAN: I went there last night... The warehouse underneath the interstate. I studied the guards, their shift patterns, entrances, exits. A patrol car came and left. JULIAN: You think the cops are involved? DAN: I don't know. All I know is, Nathan's in there and he's alive. CHRIS: Are you sure... That he's alive, I mean? DAN: First, why would they guard the place if he wasn't? Second, he's my son. He's alive. Look, you're right. This is real. It's not gonna be pretty. These guys are professionals. There's a half dozen or so. They're holding Nathan... My son, your friend, Haley's husband. I'm going back there tonight, and I'm not leaving without him. I need some help. JULIAN: I'll help you. CHRIS: It's Nathan. DAN: What about you, peacock? CHRIS: C-Chris Keller needs a little more time! DAN: We don't have time. CHRIS: Okay, fine, I'll help, but Chris Keller wants to go on record as saying Chris Keller doesn't like this. (Dan gives them a gun) DAN: You guys ever shoot? Ever handled a weapon, fire a gun, a rifle, anything? Dan Scott doesn't like this, either. CLAY'S CAR Clay and Quinn are on the road to go somewhere. Clay memories FLASHBACK, CLAY'S CAR Clay tells to Quinn about Sara's death. CLAY: I was talking about pens. The last thing I said to Sara before she died. She went to grab a drink, and I was babbling about the pen I was using. And then she was gone. Sometimes I think that we waste our words and we waste our moments and we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance. CLAY'S CAR CLAY: You saved me. I wouldn't have made it without you. QUINN: Well, thank you, baby, but where'd that come from? CLAY: I was just thinking it, and I wanted to say it. You're always with me, Quinn. QUINN: Good. That's right where I want to be. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley watches the latest Nathan's video. NATHAN(at the video): It doesn't matter how far I go, Jamie Scott... You're always with me. Even when I'm in some ghetto in wherever I'm at. But, uh... You be good, okay? Be good to your mom and Lydia. Help out around the house. I'll be home soon. You're a good man, son. I love you. LOCAL Nathan is thinking. NATHAN(Voice over): There was a moment when I was lost... When they had beaten me and I decided to beg them to let me live...To see my beautiful wife, my son, and my daughter...To breathe another breath and lie in the sun and just... Live. But begging them wouldn't change things. It would only give them satisfaction, and that i wouldn't do. No. This would be the job they carried with them for the rest of their lives. This would be the one they felt guilty about, their older, fading selves woke up regretting in the middle of the night, trying to quiet their remorse before their own deaths were upon them. So I made a decision... To give them nothing. And in that moment, one word came to mind. NATHAN: Fortitude. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke starts to clean up the mess. Tara enters in. TARA: Whoa-ho-ho. What happened? Oh, my God, you crazy bitch! BROOKE: Turn around and walk the hell out of here before I beat your scrawny ass with my bare damn hands. TARA: What the hell are you mad at me for? BROOKE: Don't play even dumber with me. TARA: Oh, what, you think i did this? Okay, fine. Call the cops. My employees tell me you're the slut that cried wolf these days anyway, Brooke. So make the call... really, I cannot wait to hear your proof. BROOKE: I know what I know, and either you did this or that psychotic employee you hired did. Either way, you are to blame, so get the hell out! TARA: You are crazy. BROOKE: Hey. If you didn't do this, now yow know what you're dealing with. And if you did, I always knew what I was dealing with. TARA: Whatever. WOODS Julian and Chris trains to shot with a gun. CHRIS: Geez! Oh! I'm getting closer! I should get bonus points for that, right? DAN: Sure. Maybe one of the bad guys should just lie down because you almost shot him. CHRIS: Yeah, Chris Keller was thinking he'd be more of a lookout, like kind of hang back and offer moral support from afar. DAN: What about you, Julian? You just want to hang back and offer moral support, too? JULIAN: No. CHRIS: Geez! DAN: You sure you thought this thing through, Keller? CHRIS: What's that supposed to mean? DAN: You say you want to help Haley. You have a thing for her. You have since high school. CHRIS: So? DAN: So from where I stand, this is a lose/lose for you. If you don't bring Nathan back, you failed her. If you do, you lose her anyway. Once Nathan comes home, you're out of the picture. CHRIS: So are you. Yeah. Haley told me all about it. Once Nathan comes back, you lose your family. So, from where I'm standing, it's worse for you, because I lose what I never had, but you had it... Your son, your grand kids, all of it. But here we are. DAN: What about you, Baker? What's your role in all this? JULIAN: Nathan's my friend. DAN: Not really. I'd say he's more of an acquaintance. Nobody's gonna lay down their life for an acquaintance. This still about you leaving your kids in the car? JULIAN: No. I need to believe that there's still justice, that even now in a world full of gray and spin and compromise, if you choose to do wrong and you prey on good people when you do, someone will stand up to you. Someone will take a stand and fight back. Nathan's a good man. He deserves a good life. CHRIS: Oh! Geez! Yeah, I want one of those. DAN: Keep practicing. JULIAN: And then what? DAN: We wait until dark. Then we fight back. CLAY'S CAR Quinn and Clay are still on the road. QUINN: What are you thinking about? CLAY: Nathan. You? QUINN: Haley and Jamie. CLAY: And Lydia. He's alive. That's what I was thinking. He's alive, and he'll be coming home soon. I'm sure of it. Anything else is just... It's too impossible to think about. QUINN: Yeah. CLAY: He's coming home. OUTSIDE LOCAL Dan, Chris and Julian are in a car waiting the right moment. DAN: Okay. That moron goes inside to eat around this time every night, then another guard takes his place. That gives you about 30 seconds to cut the lock on the gate and get back to the car. JULIAN: I got this. CHRIS: Okay, that's good. If you got this, then I don't have to. What, you guys don't watch movies? The hero always dies in the movies. DAN: 30 seconds... go. Julian gets out to break the lock and comes back. DAN: Lock the doors. CHRIS: What? DAN: Lock the doors! JULIAN: Let me in. DAN: Don't let him in. JULIAN: Guys, come on, the door's locked. Keller, open the door! DAN: Julian, you have a family. Go home. (Dan and Chris drive away. Julian is hiding) KAREN'S CAFE Brooke cleans up the mess. She sees a cross marked in the bar. KAREN'S CAFE/OUTSIDE LOCAL Brooke calls Julian. JULIAN(at phone): Baby, I can't talk right now. BROOKE(at phone): I am not gonna let him intimidate me. JULIAN(at phone): Who? BROOKE(at phone): Xavier. I'm not afraid of him. JULIAN(at phone): Why? What's going on? BROOKE(at phone): Why are you whispering? Where are you? JULIAN(at phone): I'm... In a movie. Where are you? BROOKE(at phone): I-I'm at the cafe. JULIAN(at phone): Is everything okay? BROOKE(at phone): Yeah, everything's fine. Go back to your movie. JULIAN(at phone): Are you sure everything's fine? BROOKE(at phone): Yeah. Xavier wants to mess with me, he's gonna have a hell of a fight on his hands. JULIAN(at phone): Absolutely not, Brooke. If something's going on, you need to call the police or lock up and go home or both. BROOKE(at phone): I know. JULIAN(at phone): Promise me. Baby, promise me you'll do that. BROOKE(at phone): I'm just so tired of it. You know, injustice. JULIAN(at phone): Trust me, I know, okay? I do. But I love you, and I need you safe. And our boys need you safe. Okay? BROOKE(at phone): Yeah. JULIAN(at phone): Okay, go home. I'll see you there. BROOKE(at phone): Okay. I love you. JULIAN(at phone): I love you, too. CAR Chris and Dan prepares before the war. CHRIS: We're just... We're just gonna leave him?! DAN: He'll be fine. Yeah, but how come he gets to go and i have to stay? Maybe we should switch jobs. He should go with you. I should run and hide. DAN: He's got a family. CHRIS: I might have a family. Dude, Chris Keller has all kinds of crazy s*x. Maybe I should just get out just in case. DAN: You can't. CHRIS: Why not? DAN: You called shotgun. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke memories. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley memories when Nathan supports her. NATHAN: Haley, it's okay. Just... I'll call them. You go upstairs and relax. Let me clean this up. HALEY: You know, I'm okay. I don't need any help. I just want to be alone. NATHAN: It's gonna be okay. Haley... HALEY: I want to be alone. KAREN'S CAFE The lights cut off. CAR Dan gives the last explanation before the fight. DAN: I want you to listen to me, and I want you to do exactly what I tell you to do. In a minute, you're gonna hear a gunshot. When you do, I want you to create a diversion on this side of the building. CHRIS: Okay, diversion. I got it. What kind of diversion? DAN: Anything that draws their attention. CHRIS: Okay, but... If I get their attention, they're gonna chase me with guns and really sour looks on their faces. Chris Keller doesn't like that. DAN: Well, maybe you can sing them one of your songs and drive them away like you did most of your fan base. CHRIS: Whoa! Okay, I know we're all keyed up here and there's a lot of tension, but there's no need to get personal. DAN: A diversion. CHRIS: A diversion... fine. I'm just saying, it stings a little. That's all. DAN: If you can, leave the killing to me. I'm already on the list. CHRIS: Chris Keller doesn't like this. DAN: Let's go. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke goes back on the cafe to see electric wire. Xavier spies her. OUTSIDE WAREHOUSE CHRIS: Oh, that is so not okay. DAN: All right, it's gonna take some time to get to the other side of the warehouse. Once you hear a gunshot, you have one job. CHRIS: Okay, create a distraction. DAN: And take out that guy. CHRIS: Wait, that's two jobs. DAN: It's the same job. CHRIS: Yeah, but that guy... Oh, take out the little guy? Yeah, Chris Keller can do that. DAN: I know you're scared, but the fact you're here tells me there's a hero inside you somewhere. CHRIS: Don't say "hero," man! Those guys die. DAN: You'll be fine. Help me with the trunk. KAREN'S CAFE Brooke locks the cafe and leaves. Xavier follows her. CEMETERY Quinn and Clay arrive. CLAY: You know, it's a little late. Maybe we should come back. The neighbors might be asleep, you know? QUINN: I think you're good. CLAY: Yeah, you're probably right. You sure you don't want to join me? QUINN: No, that's okay. You two have a lot to talk about. But if you need me, I'm right here. CLAY: Okay. QUINN: I'm right here with the doors locked, but I'm... I'm right here. CLAY: Honk if you need me. QUINN: Okay. OUTSIDE WAREHOUSE Chris watch guys. CHRIS: Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no... Not the big guy! What happened to the little Marty, the midget-sized guy? Come on! They send dragon out?! Chris Keller does not like this! UNDERGROUND CAR PARK Brooke walks to the elevator. She goes inside. BROOKE: Come on. Come on, come on. (The stairs up, Xavier is here) BROOKE: I'm not afraid of you. XAVIER: You should be. BROOKE: Help! XAVIER: Do that again, and I'll slit your throat before you finish. BROOKE: What do you want from me? XAVIER: What do I want? I want my freedom back. BROOKE: You have that. XAVIER: No! BROOKE: Okay, okay, okay. XAVIER: I want every day I spent in prison back. BROOKE: Xavier, please... XAVIER: Don't say my name! Don't say my name with that slutty whore's mouth. I've got other plans for that mouth. Until then, you just shut up and listen, 'cause I've got a few things I want to say to you. BROOKE: Okay. XAVIER: Yeah, you act all high and mighty, but you close your eyes at night and you pray for a real man. Well... Your prayers are answered, baby. (Brooke succeeds to run away) XAVIER: You're gonna pay for that! WAREHOUSE Dan comes in and shots a guy. MAN: What's going on with Kim Kardashian's ass? DAN: Hey! Chris panics. CHRIS: Okay, create a distraction. UNDERGROUND CAR PARK Brooke is hiding under a car. WAREHOUSE Chris drive into the guy of the distraction. MAN: Aah! CHRIS: Chris Keller's work here is done! Dmitri is upset. DMITRI: The bell invites me, for it is a knell that summons thee to heaven or to hell! Dan shot on every guy on his way. DMITRI: Okay, okay. (Dmitri goes back and shots on Nathan but actually it's Wade. Dan has Nathan) DAN: It's okay, son. I got you. CEMETERY Clay talks to the ex-wife. CLAY: Hi, angel. Well...I know we haven't talked in a while. But...I was kind of busy getting shot by your evil twin. And then I started roaming the countryside. And I kind of got committed. I found him, Sara. Our son. I'm ashamed of myself... For ever losing him in the first place. Dr. Alvarez says that...I just blocked him from my memory after you died because it was just too painful. But that doesn't make it okay... For me or for him. I'm sorry. I won't let you down with him, Sara. And I won't let him down, either. I promise. Quinn says hi. She's been more than anyone could expect throughout all of this. So... Of course... You were right about her. I don't know how it works up there, but Nate's been missing for a while. So... Maybe you could help us out and fix it. You know, because... I'm okay. I have good days and bad days, you know, but... Right now, Haley's the one who needs your help. So bring Nathan home. Make it a great day. Make it the greatest day. I miss you. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley watches a old Nathan's speech. NATHAN(on TV): You know, my, uh, my father said that today would be the greatest day of my life. And you're right, dad. It is. But not because of basketball. You see, today...I learned that my wife, Haley, is pregnant. And, um... And while it's a great honor to be recruited to play at Duke, i guess what I have to say to you today is this. Where I play basketball, if i play basketball, is no longer a decision for me to make alone. It's a decision that I'll make with my wife's and, uh... And my family's best interests at heart. And when I do that, I'll let you know. Now, my wife couldn't be here tonight, so I just wanted to say one thing. Haley... No matter what happens, we'll face it together. But I promise you, I've never been more happy. And everything's gonna be okay. I love you. WAREHOUSE Dan watches if they can run away. DAN: How you doing, son? NATHAN: I'm okay. DAN: You think you can walk out of here? NATHAN: Yeah, I can do it. DAN: And if we have to run? NATHAN: I don't know. DAN: Well, you were in that chair a long time, but I'm gonna get us out of here even if I have to carry you out. I carried that douche bag drug dealer in here. I'm gonna carry you out. Hold on. NATHAN: Hey. Hey. There's a door through there. It's all wide-open space, but if we can make it across to that door, we're home free. DAN: Then that's what we're gonna do. Let me take a look. NATHAN: Okay. UNDERGROUND CAR PARK Xavier finds her. XAVIER: Boo! Help! Somebody help me! (Brooke runs away but Xavier catches up and they fall on the stairs) WAREHOUSE DAN: It's empty. It's empty, son. NATHAN: They don't know that. DAN: You ready? NATHAN: Yeah. DAN: Nathan. You're my son. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I promise. Let's go. NATHAN: Dad. It's good to see you. UNDERGROUND CAR PARK BROOKE: Why? Why?! XAVIER: "Why?" There is no why. There's only what I want. No reason. No justice. No... Divine intervention. There's only you, me, and that wild, so-betrayed look in your eyes. That look... that's why. That same look... That friend of yours had right before I killed him...in the gas station. It's that moment that you know and accept... That this is it. This is really happening. And no one's gonna save you. Tara comes in and teases Xavier. TARA: Oh, my God. That guy is creepy. Are you okay? BROOKE: No one's gonna save you! WAREHOUSE Dan and Nathan are ready to go home. They don't any noise. But Nathan do, he is weak. DAN: Son. NATHAN: Dad... DAN: Come on, I got you. Wait here. Dmitri comes in and shot on Nathan. DMITRI: And curtain! (Dan stands between the ball and Nathan) DAN: No! I'm sorry, son. NATHAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dad... whoa, whoa. DMITRI: No, no, no. So messy. You know, is probably lesson to be learned here about greed. Your father, dead. My friends, dead. Your people, my people. One difference... You will join them. I will not. The death I gave him. Thus bad begins... And worse remains behind. Nathan takes the gun and shots him. DMITRI: Like the father, the son. The detective shows up and with a gun. DETECTIVE: Bravo! Bravo. You have the right to drop that. What the hell, dude? This was supposed to be easy. You grab some dork, kill him, get paid, maybe seduce his wife at some point. I mean, come on! Do I have to do everything myself? (Julian comes in too and hits him) JULIAN: Hey. NATHAN: Dad? CLAY'S CAR Clay and Quinn go home. CLAY: "Dad." I can hear him now... Logan. His first word was "dad." I want to hear that again. QUINN: You will. CLAY: Thanks for helping me. You always do. QUINN: And I always will. GRACE'S STREET Tara gives Brooke a cafe. BROOKE: Thank you for helping me. TARA: Yeah, no big deal. I always wanted to tase someone anyway, so... I should've listened to you. Sorry. BROOKE: Your coffee's horrible. TARA: Well, it's better than that vomit you serve. I gotta sell the cafe. It makes me such a bitch. BROOKE: Yeah. WAREHOUSE NATHAN: Come on, dad, please don't die. Come on, dad, stay with me. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley waits a call. HALEY: Please. (Cellphone ringing) HALEY: Hello? End of the episode.

Dan, Julian and Chris Keller attempt to rescue Nathan. During the rescue, Nathan is saved and Dan kills most of the attackers. When they are about to escape, Dan is shot by Demetri before he himself is shot by Nathan. Brooke's conflict with Xavier escalates when he attacks her in a parking garage, she is saved by the rival cafe owner Tara, who tasers him. Clay and Quinn revisit the past. Episode is named after an album by the band Mogwai .

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x14

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x14_0

Ted from 2030: When you meet someone special, suddenly life is full of firsts. The first kiss. The first night together. The first weekend together. For me, all those firsts happened within 48 hours of meeting Victoria. The appartment Marshall: They have to come out soon, it's Monday. Lily: Do you think they've been in there the whole time? I don't know whether to be proud or concerned. Marshall: Maybe they're not even in there. (The door of Ted's room opens and Marshall Lily runs away from it) Victoria: Good morning. Ted: Hey, guys. Victoria: I'm just going to ignore that. Marshall: Thank you! Ted: I wish you could stay. Victoria: I know, me, too. But I have to go to work, and you have that meeting. Ted: Call you afterwards? Victoria: I'll inappropriately text you during. Bye. Ted: Bye. Marshall: Two days straight?! Lily: Wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage! Marshall: Come on, give us a number. Lily guessed eight, but I know my boy got to double digits. Ted: Zero. Marshall: What? Lily: What? Ted: Guys, we just met. And we both screwed up relationships in the past by jumping in too quick, so we talked about it, and we decided to take this one slow. Marshall: Her idea. Ted: Totally her idea! But, I don't know, I'm really into this girl, and if going slow is what it takes to make this happen, I say bring it on. [3 weeks later] The Bar Ted: I don't feel so good. t's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda. Marshall: I can't believe she's making you wait a whole month. I would never put up with that. Ted: You've only had s*x with one girl in your whole life. Lily: Burn! Barney: Ted, the only reason to wait a month for s*x is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old. Robin: Good news: I don't have to cover the cat show tomorrow night. Who's up for hanging out? Ted: Oh, I can't, I'm taking Victoria out for dinner. Lily: No, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary. Robin: Wow, nine years? Your relationship's a fourth grader. Congrats. Lily: Thanks. We're going to the Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest. Marshall: It's one of New York Magazine's "Top five romantic getaways on a budget." Who says sexual can't be sensible? Robin: Well, looks like it's going to be just you and me. Barney: Really? Robin: Actually, I was talking to my martini. The appartment Marshall: Ready to go? Lily: Hell, yeah. Nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast. Marshall: Yeah. Waking up for breakfast at 7:00 A.M....Sharp. Lily: Complimenting the odors and their collection of needle-point geese. Marshall: Awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce. Lily: Yeah, well, we'd better get going, it's like a four-hour drive. Marshall: And it's supposed to rain tonight. Lily: Or we could just stay home. Marshall: Maybe watch some TV. Lily: Order in some Chinese. Marshall: Oh, Sichuan Garden! Are we really bailing? Lily: Hell, yeah. Marshall: Good, cause this thing's empty. The Bar Barney: Hundred dollars says when you turn around, I say "wow." Robin: Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident. Barney: It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals that the target is hot. But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship. Robin: Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror? Barney: You can't just... Wow! Robin: Hey? What's taking so long? I have to go. Barney: Not so fast, Scherbotsky. I like the way you think. That mirror thing. Simple. Elegant. Okay, limited-time offer: I need a "bro" for my bro-ings on about town. How would you like to be said bro? Robin: Well, as tempting as that sounds, I'm hanging out with my friend who just got dumped. She really needs some support... or a stranger's tongue down her throat. That seems healthy. All right. Guess I'm in. In a cab Victoria: So... one more week and it'll be a month. Ted: Really? Are you sure? Wow, that snuck up on me. Victoria: Oh, come on. Ted: The 18th can't get here fast enough. Victoria: Wait, the 18th? Oh, crap! I can't believe I forgot this... I'm going to be out of town on the 18th! Ted: Oh. Well, um, we can just... wait until you get back. I mean, the whole point was not to rush into this. Victoria: Yeah. Or we could do it tonight. Ted: 75th and Amsterdam. In the bathroom Lily: I'm so glad we decided to just stay home. Marshall: Oh, I know. Can you imagine if we'd gone? We'd be just getting there now, all tired and cranky. Lily: And yet we'd feel obligated to have s*x. Marshall: Yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it. I would like to propose a toast. To the most awesomely mellow anniversary ever. (Ted and Victoria enters the appartment, kissing) Ted: I'm so glad you have to go to your parents' next weekend. Victoria: I'm so glad your roommates are out of town. Lily: Oh, my God, what are they doing home? Marshall: They think we went away. Oh, it is on for my boy, Ted. Lily: But we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom. Marshall: They don't know that. All we have to do is hide out in here until Ted moves his mojo into the bedroom. Lily: But I don't want to hide out in here. Marshall: Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. If we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. Then one of us is going to have to have s*x with Ted, and... not going to be me. Lily: Okay, fine. I guess I'll actually floss. In a bar Barney: You suited up! Robin: Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right. Barney: Emilio? The woman will have... Robin: I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo No. 2 Thanks. Barney: Ah, the No. 2, a.k.a. "The Torpedo." Or, as the rollers call it, "Piramide." Robin: My father was a cigar fanatic, it was the only way to get his attention. Barney: Father issues. Hot. Robin: I know... I was this close to being a huge slut. Barney: Slut would have been better, but I'll settle for bro. Especially now that Ted's with Victoria and can't drink. Because he's pregnant. Cause he's the girl. Robin: Oh, come on, Ted can't be pregnant. You need to have s*x to get pregnant. Barney: What up! Freeze frame high five! The appartment Victoria: I think this may be a perfect moment. I wish we could hold onto it forever. Ted: No. Because the beauty of a moment is that it's fleeting. By its very nature, it... slips through our fingers... making it that much more precious. (In the bathroom, Lily and Marshall are ears dropping...) Lily: Ugh, that is bad. That is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad. Marshall: And they're not even high. Lily: It's actually working. Marshall: Yeah, smooth but slowly. God, close the deal, already. It's been, like, 45 minutes... we could have had s*x three times by now. Lily: Yeah, try five. Marshall: What up! Maybe we should just go out there. Lily: No way! We can't go out there now. They'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom the whole time. It'll be too weird. Marshall: Fine. But if we're stuck in here... I'm turning up the volume. Shh. Shh. (Marshall opens the door) Victoria: I want to know you. Like, know your soul. Ted, what makes you cry? Lily: Honey, could you hold my hair back, I think I'm going to hurl. In a bar Robin: So. What do you and Ted usually do after the cigar bar? Barney: Are you kidding? Ted's never been here. You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did. Still... Robin: What? Barney: There is one other thing we could do. If you're up for it. At Laser-Tag Robin: Oh, I had no idea laser tag still existed! Barney: Yeah, well, enjoy it before it becomes cool again. I give it two months. Robin: Oh, I believe it... this is awesome! Barney: Okay, follow my lead, stay low, and never underestimate a 12-year-old with a... Scherbotsky, you have to focus! You just saved my life, didn't you? Robin: Thank me later. Let's keep moving. These little bastards are everywhere. The appartment Marshall: He's just staring into her eyes. Lily: I don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than Ted and Victoria. Now look at us. Marshall: Yeah... now we just make fun of people like that. It's the circle of life. Lily: No, I'm serious, Marshall. I mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. And now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom. Marshall: Well, it's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria. This is their first time. Lily: Yeah, but we could still have some more romance. Now, you just say, "Want to do it?" And I say, "Yeah." Marshall: Want to... Lily: No! Maybe we're just out of firsts. Marshall: Looks like they're about to have theirs. Ted: Should we take this to the bedroom? Marshall: Yes! Lily: Yes! Victoria: Yes. Marshall: Yes! Lily: Yes! (Ted's phone starts ringing) Marshall: No. No, don't answer it! Victoria: You can answer it. We have all night. Marshall: You're answering it? He's answering it! Lily: No! Do her! Do her now! Ted: Sure. Good luck with that. (He hangs up) Sorry about that. Victoria: How about a little more wine? Ted: I'll get another bottle. Lily: I need a drink. Do we have any cough syrup in here? Marshall: Shh... [SCENE_BREAK] At Laser-Tag Robin: Oh, God. These brats have us completely surrounded. I counted nine, maybe ten. I'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it. Barney: No. Leave no man behind. Either we all get out of here or no one does. Robin: But I... Barney: Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky. Robin: See you on the other side. Barney: Damn. Want to go get a soft pretzel? Robin: Yeah. Barney: All right. The appartment Lily: Marshall, what happened to us? We used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long. Have we lost that? Marshall: Maybe. But I think I just found it. Right here. Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering with just a hint of crazy eyes. Lily: Okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision. Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? Oh, damn it. Marshall: It's all right. We can do this. Lily: Let's just hold hands. This is nice. Marshall: You love that move. It's a classic Marshall. Lily: All right, we totally suck at this. We really, really need to get out of here. Marshall: Well, we can't. Lily: Baby, there's something I have to do, and if I do it in front of you, it'll change the entire nature of our relationship. Marshall: What is it? Lily: I have to pee. Marshall: This is bad. Lily: Yeah. Marshall: We've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. You always think there'll be more time. Lily: Look at us. We're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet. The flame of our romance is flickering, and if I pee all over it, it might go out forever. Marshall: How much longer do you think you can hold it? Lily: I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew during that Quantum Leap marathon. Marshall: Oh, boy. The Bar Robin: Playing laser tag really takes me back. You know what game I really miss? Battleship. I've never lost a game. Barney: Neither have I. Of course I cheat. Robin: Oh, yeah, me, too. The trick is to bend the aircraft carrier so it makes an L. Barney: Ah. I always just stacked the ships on top of each other. Robin: Nice. You know, we should have a cheaters grudge match. I think I still have a... Hello. Target acquired. Hottie by the jukebox. Barney: Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky. I got someone for you. Two o'clock, blue shirt. Robin: That's a woman. Barney: Oh, my mistake. Or is it? Robin: Let's just focus on your target. Barney: Right. Robin: Yeah, I got this one. Oh, my God. I love your jeans. Woman: Okay. Is this a lesbian bar? Because that girl with the blue shirt just... Robin: Oh, no. I am all about the dudes. Although pickings are pretty slim tonight. Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, and he's playing hard to get. Woman: Really? 'Cause he's totally vibing me right now. Must be the jeans. Robin: Well, jeans will only get you so far. I'm going home with him. Woman: We'll see about that. The appartment Lily: Oh, my God, I hate Ted. I hate him so much. Marshall: Baby, why don't you just go? Tons of other couples have peed in front of each other. Lily: No, but we haven't, because I want to keep some of the mystery alive. Marshall: Well, you have farted in front of me. Lily: Yes, but I always cover it with a cough. Marshall: You always do. The Bar Barney: Hey. Robin: Hey. Barney: Let's get out of here. Let's go somewhere else. Robin: What happened? Barney: Eh, you sometimes like to do a little catch and release. Robin: But why? Barney: Leave no man behind. Either we all score or no one scores. Robin: Right on. Hey, you want to go play Battleship? Barney: Hit! The appartment Victoria: Ted, I can't wait any longer. Ted: Should we move to the bedroom? Victoria: There's no time for that. Marshall: They can suck on each other's fingers for an hour, but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom? Lily: Baby, I can't hold it in any longer. It's time. Marshall: I know. Lily: I love you, Marshall. Marshall: I love you, Lily. In front of Robin's appartment You know, Barney, I had a surprisingly good time bro-ing out tonight. Barney: Well, you make a good bro. You're a better Ted than Ted. Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to Marshall's bachelor party. And you don't even have to come out of the cake. Robin: Thanks. And, um, thanks for sticking around tonight. I hope you're ready for some hard-core Battleship. Come on, boys. Barney: Hard-core? That's the only way I play. (Barney strips down) Robin: I found it. Are you ready to... What the hell are you doing? Barney: I'm birthday suiting up.vI'm sorry, did you want to undress me? Robin: No! I thought we were just hanging out as friends. Barney: Oh, come on, you have been throwing yourself at me all night. Robin: What?! I did the opposite! I threw some other girl at you. Barney: You invited me up to your apartment to "play Battleship." Is that not an internationally recognized term for s*x? Robin: No. Barney: Great. I hope you're happy. You sunk my battleship. The appartment Lily: I'm okay. You okay? Marshall: I feel the same. And yet, strangely different. Lily: I'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us. Marshall: You had to do it, sweetie... for Ted. And, hey, look, at least now we can stay in here as long as it takes. Lily: Yeah. I guess our relationship had to take a hit so a new one out there could blossom. Oh, crap! Marshall: They must have heard that. Lily: Well, I guess we can come out now. I don't believe it. They're gone. Marshall: Good. 'Cause I got to take a whiz. At Robin's Robin: Okay, you and me, that's insane. If you even thought about it for one second... Barney: But I have thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense. We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag. We both want something casual and fun. And we clearly get along really well. Robin: Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense. But what about Ted? Barney: I checked with Ted. [FLASHBACK] Barney: Ted, so now that things with you and Victoria are going pretty well, I assume you're over all the girls you were into before, right? I take your silence as a yes, so say I were to hook up with someone, say Robin, you'd be cool with that, right? Ted: Sure. Good luck with that. [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: Totally gave us his blessing. Robin: Really? Barney: Really. Robin: So Ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me? Barney: Didn't care at all. Oh. Oh... Robin: What? Barney: You like Ted. Robin: I didn't say I liked Ted. Barney: You like Ted. Wow. This is huge. Robin: Barney, I don't like Ted. He's moved on, and I'm really happy for... Barney: Yeah, yeah. Look, are we gonna play Battleship or what? Robin: You're not gonna tell him, are you? Barney: No. That's the bro code. A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. It's quid pro bro. Robin: A-7. Barney: Miss. Robin: Of course. The appartment Marshall: Well, we still have one frontier left. Still got the deuce. Lily: Not making me feel better. Marshall: Well, it certainly was a first. Lily: It was, wasn't it? We still have firsts. Marshall: Of course we do. And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now. I want to know you. Like, know your soul. Lily: Marshall, what makes you cry? Marshall: This moment is fleeting because it's being chased by another moment. Lily: Oh, just grab my boob already. (Ted comes out of his room) Ted: Come on, guys, get a room.

After initially agreeing to take things slowly, Ted and Victoria abruptly change course when they discover that Victoria will be out of town for their one-month anniversary. As they experience a series of milestones, Marshall and Lily wonder if their long relationship is out of milestones. Meanwhile, Robin decides to be Barney's "bro" for a guy's night out together.

fd_Doctor_Who_09x04

fd_Doctor_Who_09x04_0

O'Donnell: Did you see that spaceship in the hangar? Yeah, we found it on the lake bed. O'Donnell: In here! Clara: Wait, are they saying something? The Doctor: The dark, the sword, the forsaken, the temple. These words actually rewrite the synaptic connections in your brain. They're coordinates. Someone is deliberately getting people killed and turning them into transmitters. I can save you. Clara: A new ghost, oh, no, no, no, no... [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: So there's this man. He has a time machine. Up and down history he goes, zip zip zip zip zip, getting into scrapes. Another thing he has is a passion for the works of Ludwig van Beethoven. And one day he thinks, "What's the point of having a time machine if you don't get to meet your heroes?" So off he goes to 18th-century Germany. But he can't find Beethoven anywhere. No-one's heard of him, not even his family have any idea who the time traveller is talking about. Beethoven literally doesn't exist. This didn't happen, by the way. I've met Beethoven. Nice chap. Very intense. Loved an arm-wrestle. No, this is called "The Bootstrap Paradox". Google it. The time traveller panics, he can't bear the thought of a world without the music of Beethoven. Luckily he'd brought all his Beethoven sheet music for Ludwig to sign. So he copies out all the concertos and the symphonies... and he gets them published. He becomes Beethoven. And history continues with barely a feather ruffled. But my question is this. "Who put those notes and phrases together?" Who really composed Beethoven's 5th? (Plays the opening of Beethoven's 5th Symphony) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Train Station ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Where's Bennett? We need to get going. O'Donnell: Oh, he's still throwing up. "One small step for man, one giant... Bleaurgh." The Doctor: Time travel does that sometimes. O'Donnell: Somehow I doubt that Rose or Martha or Amy lost their breakfast on their first trip. The Doctor: You seem to know an awful lot about me. O'Donnell: I used to be in military intelligence. I was demoted for dangling a colleague out of a window. The Doctor: In anger? O'Donnell: Is there another way to dangle someone out the window? What year are we in? The Doctor: 1980. O'Donnell: So, pre-Harold Saxon. Pre-the Minister of War. Pre-the moon exploding and a big bat coming out. The Doctor: The Minister of War? O'Donnell: Yeah. The Doctor: Never mind. I expect I'll find out soon enough. Bennett: Sorry about that. Had a prawn sandwich. Might have been off. The Doctor: Don't worry. Shall we go? O'Donnell: Just one sec, I've just got something in my boot... O'Donnell: It's bigger on the inside, it's bigger on the inside, it's bigger on the inside. How can it be bigger on the inside, Bennett? OK, let's roll. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Town ] [SCENE_BREAK] Bennett: Why have we gone to Russia? The Doctor: Er, we haven't. We're still in Scotland. This is the town before it flooded. The TARDIS has brought us to when the spaceship first touched down. But here and now, it's the height of the Cold War. The military were being trained for offensives on Soviet soil. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Spaceship ] [SCENE_BREAK] O'Donnell: Oh, is that the pilot? God, look at size of it. The Doctor: No, that's the body. O'Donnell: What do you mean, "the body"? The Doctor: This isn't just any spaceship. It's a hearse. Bennett: The suspended animation chamber is still here, and the power cells for the engine. O'Donnell: And there are no markings on the wall. The Doctor: Yet. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Church ] [SCENE_BREAK] Prentis: Greetings! O'Donnell: It's him. That's the ghost from the Drum. Prentis: Remarkable. Oh, and humans, too... Albar Prentis, Funeral Director. Bennett: You're from Tivoli, aren't you? Prentis: The most invaded planet in the galaxy! Our capital city has a sign saying, "If you occupied us, you'd be home by now." The Doctor: Yes, I've had dealings with your lot before. I can't say I'm a fan. Prentis: No, we do tend to antagonise. The Doctor: What are you doing here? Prentis: Ah, yes. Of course. This... is the Fisher King. He and his armies invaded Tivoli and enslaved us for ten glorious years! Until we were liberated by the Arcateenians. But, thank the Gods, soon we'd irritated them so much, they enslaved us, too! Bennett: My first proper alien, and he's an idiot. Prentis: And now, in accordance with Arcateenian custom, I've come to bury him on a barren, savage outpost. O'Donnell: You mean the town? The Doctor: He means the planet. Prentis: Although, at the risk of starting a bidding war, you could enslave me. In the ship I have directions to my planet and a selection of items that you can oppress me with. The Doctor: Listen. We've come from the future. You're about to send some sort of signal. How do you do it? Is it a special pen? Prentis: What are you talking about? The Doctor: The technology you use, the thing that wrenches the soul out of the body and makes it repeat your coordinates for eternity. Give it to me now, I'm going to take the batteries out. Prentis: We don't have anything like that. Even this belongs to the glorious Arcateenians. The Doctor: So who sends the message? (He sniffs the Doctor) The Doctor: Back to the TARDIS. I need to talk to Clara. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mess hall ] [SCENE_BREAK] Lunn: You've been here before, in situations like this before. Clara: Yeah, not exactly like... But, yeah, once or twice. Lunn: So you've had to deal with people who are scared. What do you say to them? I'm asking what I should say to you. Clara: That it will be all right. That the Doctor will save us. Lunn: And when you say it, do you believe it? Clara: Yeah. Yeah, I do. Lunn: And now? Lunn: Cass thinks the Doctor is saying something different to the others. He's saying... "Moran... Pritchard... Apprentice"? No, "Prentis... O'Donnell... Clara... Doctor... Bennett... Cass..." It's a list of all our names and when he finishes, he just goes back to the beginning again, over and over. That's it. Clara: Who's Prentis? (Phone rings) Clara: It's the Doctor. Lunn: He's alive? Clara: For the moment. Clara: Doctor? Doctor, are you all right? The Doctor (O.C.): Yeah, fine. So listen, the spaceship, it's a hearse. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS / Mess hall ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Clara, what's wrong? Clara: Another ghost has appeared. The Doctor: What? Who? Has someone died? Clara: Doctor... it's you. Are you OK? The Doctor: Yeah. Well... currently. Clara: What does it mean? The Doctor: It means I die. Clara: No, not necessarily. We can change the sequence of events so... The Doctor: This isn't a potential future... this is the future now. It's already happened. The proof is right there in front of you. I have to die. Clara: No. You can change things. The Doctor: I can't. Even the tiniest change, the ramifications could be catastroph... could spread carnage and chaos across the universe like ripples on a pond. Ah, well, I've had a good innings. This regeneration is a bit of a clerical error anyway. I've got to go sometime. Clara: Not with me! Die with whoever comes after me. You do not leave me. The Doctor: Clara, I need to talk to you, just on your own. The Doctor: Listen to me. We all have to face death eventually, be it ours... or someone else's. Clara: I'm not ready yet. I don't want to think about that, not yet. The Doctor: I can't change what's already happened. There are rules. Clara: So break them. And anyway, you owe me. You've made yourself essential to me. You've given me something else to to be. And you can't do that and then die. It's not fair. The Doctor: Clara. Clara: No. Doctor, I don't care about your rules or your bloody survivor's guilt. If you love me in any way, you'll come back. Doctor, are you...? The Doctor: I can't save Moran or Pritchard. Clara: No... but like you said, if you can find out why this is happening, maybe you can stop them killing anybody else, you can save us. And you can stop it happening to you. The Doctor: I'll do what I can, but the future has already happened. We've just met the Undertaker and he's still alive. (He gasps) (Heavy footsteps) (Loud roar) The Doctor: So. Ghost me. You've got a better view than me. How do I look? Any signs of trauma, any scars? Any clues as to how I die? Clara: No, nothing. You're the same as all the other ghosts with the weird black eyes and... No. No, wait. Your coat. It's torn. The right shoulder. The Doctor: I assume I'm just saying... the same thing as the others. Clara: No. You're saying a list of names. Our names, mainly. "Moran, Pritchard, Prentis, O'Donnell, Clara, Doctor, Bennett, Cass." Who's Prentis? The Doctor: The mole-faced chap. The Doctor: What's the matter, Clara, what's happening? Clara: You've moved inside. You're inside here now. The Doctor: What am I doing? (He mouths) Clara: Er, nothing. You're, you're just standing there. The Doctor: I'm not trying to kill you? Why am I not trying to kill you? Clara: No, wait, you're moving, going toward the control panel. Clara: Oh, no. He's opened the Faraday Cage. He's let the other ghosts out. The Doctor: I need to talk to me now. Clara: Didn't you hear me? You opened the Faraday Cage. The other ghosts are outside. Shouldn't we be hiding? The Doctor: In a minute. I need to talk to the ghost me. Clara: OK, Doctor, you're on. The Doctor: Doctor. Such an honour. I've always been a huge admirer. This is really a delight. Finally someone worth talking to. So firstly, why are you here? The Doctor: Clara? Clara, what's happening? Clara: Erm... Er... you've just stopped. Oh, no, wait, you've started again. Cass via Lunn: His message has changed. He's saying something different. He's saying... Clara: What? The Doctor: What? Lunn: What? Cass via Lunn: He's saying... "The chamber will open tonight." The Doctor: Clara, now the ghosts are out, go to the Faraday Cage. They won't be able to get you in there. Oh, there's a problem. Clara: Problem? What problem? Oh, really? Because everything else is going so smoothly... The Doctor: The phone signal won't be able to get through. What you'll have to do... Clara, put the phone outside, and you can watch it through the little round porthole, and when you see it ringing, if it's safe to do so, go out and answer it. Clara: OK, how long are you going to...? The Doctor: Clara, listen to me. Don't let that phone out of your sight. I need to be able to reach you, I need to know everything my ghost does. Do you understand? I'll come back for you. I swear. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Come on. Oh, wait a minute. Not you, O'Donnell. O'Donnell: Why not? The Doctor: Someone needs to stay here and mind the shop. What if Clara calls? O'Donnell: The last bloke that said something like that to me got dangled out of a window. Bennett: Maybe the Doctor's right. Maybe it's best if you stay here. O'Donnell: Never going to happen. Seriously, have you two met me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Spaceship ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Prentis. Prentis! O'Donnell: Guess that dead body wasn't so dead after all. Bennett: And now we've got the writing. The Doctor: The Fisher King did it himself. The future is still coming. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Church ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: He's taken the suspended animation chamber to the church. (Huge roar) O'Donnell: What was that? The Doctor: We need to get back to the TARDIS. Now! (Louder roars and screams) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Building ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: It's cut us off. O'Donnell: Let's split up. Go on, Bennett. (Heavy breathing and footsteps) (Loud roar) The Doctor: No, Bennett! Wait! (O'Donnell moans) Bennett: Why did you come? You shouldn't have come. I mean, you never listen to anyone. It drives me mad. O'Donnell: To keep an eye on you, idiot. So, don't die. Bennett: Who's next on the list? Bennett: That list your ghost was saying, that's the order in which people are going to die, isn't it? I mean, I've only just figured that out. But you knew that all along, didn't you? Moran, Pritchard, Prentis, O'Donnell. The Doctor: I thought perhaps, because her ghost wasn't there in the future, like Prentis's was, I thought maybe... maybe it wouldn't happen. Maybe she stood a chance. Bennett: Yeah, but you didn't try very hard to stop her, though, did you? It was almost like you wanted to test your theory. So who's next? The Doctor: Clara. Bennett: Yeah. Yeah. Except now you're going to do something about it, aren't you? Yeah, because it's getting closer to you. You're going to change history to save yourself but not to save O'Donnell. You wouldn't save her. The Doctor: This isn't about saving me. I'm a dead man walking. I'm changing history to save Clara. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Faraday Cage ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: O'Donnell's dead. Clara: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, don't you dare... Don't you dare... [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Big day for you. Time travel - twice! Bennett: Whoa, really? When are we going to? The Doctor: Off the map! Out of the rule book. What if I don't die? What if I refuse? I'm going to go back to the base and I'm going to save Clara, because that's what I do. And I don't see anyone here who's going to stop me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Town ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Why are we still here? The Doctor: No, no, no, no, no, no. Bennett: What? The Doctor: We've moved half an hour backwards. I'm locked in my own time-stream. The TARDIS won't let me leave. Bennett: What do we do? The Doctor: Now we have to keep out of sight, until time catches up. Later Doctor: Where's Bennett? We need to get going. Oh, he's still throwing up. Bennett: Prentis. He's alive. The Doctor: No, he's just not dead yet. And we don't tell him. Bennett: Yeah, but he's right there. I mean, we can just... The Doctor: No. However that sentence ends, no, we can't. Save him, and you'll want to save O'Donnell. You can't cheat time. I've just tried. You can't just go back and cut off tragedy at the root. Because you find yourself talking to someone you just saw dead on a slab. Because then you really do see ghosts. We don't tell him. Understand? Not a word. We don't have that right. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Church ] [SCENE_BREAK] Later Prentis: Albar Prentis, Funeral Director. Later Bennett: You're from Tivoli, aren't you? Later Prentis: The most invaded planet in the galaxy! Our capital city has a sign saying, "If you occupied us, you'd be home by now." Later Doctor: Yes, I've had dealings with your lot before. I can't say I'm a fan. Later Prentis: No, we do tend to antagonise! (Gunshot) Later Doctor: What are you doing here? Later Prentis: Ah, yes. Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Faraday Cage ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: The dark. The sword. The forsaken. The temple. When we found out what the ghosts were saying, we weren't surprised because the words, they were already inside us. (He mouths) Clara: But you, you were, weren't you? You didn't know what the words were going to be. Lunn: No, I didn't. How did you know? Clara: Who was the one person who didn't see the writing in the spaceship? Lunn: Me. Cass wouldn't let me go inside. Clara: That's why the ghosts didn't hurt you when they had the chance. The message isn't inside you. Lunn: Yes, I suppose that makes sense. Clara: So you can get the phone back. Lunn: What? Lunn: She's saying I should go and get the phone back. Cass: No. Clara: Listen, listen. I need... We, we need to be able to contact the Doctor and you are the only one who can do this. Lunn: OK. No, she's right. Neither of you can get it back. Clara: What? What is it? What did she say? Lunn: It doesn't matter. Clara: Please. Lunn: She said to ask you whether travelling with the Doctor changed you, or were you always happy to put other people's lives at risk. Clara: He taught me to do what has to be done. You should get going. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Church ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Oh. I need more time. It's too soon. I haven't saved her yet. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. I've got no choice now, I have to face the Fisher King. You, back to the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Outside the Faraday Cage ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: Look, he'll be fine, I promise. Clara: OK. Didn't need anyone to translate that. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Church ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Now I'm ready. (Wind howls) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Basement ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I've come from the future. I've seen the chaos you cause. The bloodshed. Fisher King (O.C.): Tell me what you have seen. The Doctor: Ghosts. Fisher King (O.C.): Ghosts? The Doctor: Souls wrenched from the dead. Repeating directions to here, to this spot, over and over. Fisher King (O.C.): How many ghosts do I create? How many? The Doctor: Four that I know of. Maybe five by now. Probably more since I left. Fisher King (O.C.): My ghosts will make more ghosts. Enough to bring an armada. Enough to wake me from my sleep. (Machine dings) (Machine beeps) (Indistinct hissing) (Rhythmic thumping) The Doctor: What will happen when your people arrive? Fisher King (O.C.): We will drain the oceans and put the humans in chains. The Doctor: This world is protected by me. Fisher King (O.C.): Yes. One man, lost in time. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mess hall ] [SCENE_BREAK] Computer: Door emergency security lock. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Basement ] [SCENE_BREAK] Fisher King: The seed of their destruction is already sown. They will die. The message will be sent. My people will come, and you will do nothing to stop it, Time Lord. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Faraday Cage ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: Hey, no, no, no, no. Cass! Wait, what are you doing? Look, Lunn, he is going to be fine, I promise. We have to stay here. I know that look. I do that look. OK, fine. But we stick together. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Basement ] [SCENE_BREAK] Fisher King: Time Lords. Cowardly, vain curators who suddenly remembered they had teeth and became the most warlike race in the galaxy. But you, you! You are curious. You have seen the words, too. I can hear them tick inside you. But you are still locked in your history. Still slavishly protecting Time. Willing to die rather than change a word of the future. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridors ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: Lunn. Lunn. Lunn. Oh, Cass. Cass. Cass. Idiot. I'm an idiot. (Metallic scraping) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Basement ] [SCENE_BREAK] Fisher King: You will be a strong beacon. How many ghosts can I make of you? The Doctor: You know, you've got a lot in common with the Tivoleans; you'll both do anything to survive. They'll surrender to anyone. You will hijack other people's souls and turn them into electromagnetic projections. That will to endure. That refusal to ever cease. It's extraordinary. And it makes a fella think. Because you know what? If all I have to do to survive is tweak the future a bit, what's stopping me? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the ripple effect. Maybe it will mean that the universe will be ruled by cats or something, in the future. But the way I see it, even a ghastly future is better than no future at all. You robbed those people of their deaths. Made them nothing more than a message in a bottle. You violated something more important than Time. You bent the rules of life and death. So I am putting things straight. Here, now, this is where your story ends. (Fisher King growls) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Corridor ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Machine beeps) (Metallic scraping) (Silence) (Metallic scraping) (Silence) (Metallic scraping) (Silence) (Metallic scraping) Clara: Oh, there you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Basement ] [SCENE_BREAK] Fisher King: There is nothing you can do. The Doctor: I've already done it. The words have gone. I got rid of them. The future I saw, none of that will happen now. The message will never contaminate my friends, no-one will die, no-one is coming to save you. That's the thing about knowing you're going to die. You've got nothing left to lose. (Fisher King growls) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mess hall ] [SCENE_BREAK] Lunn: No, no, you've got to get out of here. The ghosts locked me in. It's a trap. Clara: Come on. Faraday Cage now! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Spaceship ] [SCENE_BREAK] Fisher King: The Time Lord... lied. (Device beeps) (Beeping intensifies) (Fisher King growls) (Rumbling) (Wind howls) [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (hologram): This is security protocol 7-1-2. The echelon circuit has been activated. Please stow any hand luggage and prepare for departure. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Main hangar ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: Back, get back. (Machine beeps) (Rumbling) (Fisher King growls) (Fisher King roars) The Doctor: Don't kiss me. Morning breath. Clara: Doctor? The Doctor: Follow me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Bridge ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Fisher King roars) Clara: What's that noise? The Doctor: It's the call of the Fisher King. The call of their master. (Fisher King roars) Clara: Where are they going? So what was it? Your ghost. The Doctor: A hologram. Like the one we made of you to lure the ghosts into the Faraday Cage. With a soupcon of artificial intelligence, and a few prerecorded phrases thrown in. Uh... All beamed from the sonic glasses. As soon as you brought me and the chamber on board, it connected with the base's wi-fi and Bob's your uncle, you've got a ghost Doctor. Clara: Why did they only come out at night? The Doctor: They're electromagnetic projections that were out of phase with the base's day mode. Right. That's it. I've erased the memory of the writing. Though you might find you've lost a couple of other memories too. You know, like people you went to school with, or previous addresses or how to drink liquids. That's you two done. Where's Bennett? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Outside the Faraday Cage ] [SCENE_BREAK] Bennett: What will happen to them? The Doctor: UNIT will cut out the Faraday Cage with them inside and take it away. Then the space-hearse will be destroyed, so the writing doesn't infect anyone else. Bennett: What do I do now? The Doctor: I don't understand. Clara: I do. You keep going. You have to. Take it from me, there is a whole world out there. A galaxy, a life. What would O'Donnell have wanted? The Doctor: I need to erase that message from your mind, but it's fine, I'll do it later. Bennett: Lunn. Will you translate something to Cass for me? Lunn: Of course. Bennett: Tell her that you're in love with her and that you always have been. Lunn: What? Bennett: Tell her there is no point wasting time because things happen and then it's too late. Tell her I wish someone had given me that advice. Lunn: Oh, God. I was just passing on what he said. Please, don't feel... [SCENE_BREAK] [ TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: What will UNIT do with the ghosts? The Doctor: Drag the cage into space, away from the Earth's magnetic field. With nothing to sustain them, the ghosts will eventually fade away. Clara: Here's what I don't understand. You did change the future. You stopped the Fisher King from returning. The Doctor: The Fisher King had been dead for 150 years before we even got here. But once I went back I became part of events. But here's the thing. The messages my ghost gave, they weren't for you, they were for me. That list. Everyone after you was random, but you being the next name, that's what made me confront the Fisher King. Clara: And saying the chamber will open? The Doctor: That was me telling me to get inside and when to set it for. Clara: Smart. The Doctor: Except that's not why I said them. Clara: How do you mean? The Doctor: I programmed my ghost to say them because that's what my ghost had said. And the only reason I created my ghost-hologram in the first place was because I saw it here. I was reverse engineering the narrative. Clara: OK, that's still pretty smart. The Doctor: You do not understand. When did I first have those ideas, Clara? Clara: Well, it must have been... Wow. The Doctor: Exactly. Who composed Beethoven's 5th? [SCENE_BREAK] Doctor, help me! Yes, you're the very next thing on the list. We are Vikings! (Cheering) You fight or you die. They're called the Mire. You will beg for mercy. The deadliest warrior race in the galaxy? One of them, yes, why? This village declared war on them. There's going to be a war and here's some news. We'll win the hell out of it. Why are you here? I'm the Doctor, and I save people.

The Doctor, Bennett, and O'Donnell land in 1980. They discover that the Tivolian, Prentis, is still alive, the writing has not yet been scratched into the wall, and Prentis landed on Earth to bury his former enslaver the Fisher King. The Doctor contacts Clara in 2119, who tells him the Doctor's ghost is mouthing their names. The ghost releases the others from the Faraday cage. In 1980, the Fisher King awakes, killing Prentis and writing the glyphs on the wall. O'Donnell is killed, confirming the suspicion that the Doctor's ghost is saying the order in which they will die. Attempting to save Clara, the Doctor confronts the Fisher King. He tells the Doctor the ghosts created by the glyphs will send a signal that will draw an armada. The Fisher King is drawn away from the chamber, and the Doctor destroys the dam wall, flooding the town. The stasis chamber opens in 2119 to reveal the Doctor inside; his "ghost" is a hologram, programmed by the Doctor. The hologram lures the ghosts back inside the Faraday cage. The plot is a bootstrap paradox -the Doctor programmed the ghost to say the names because that is what the ghost's message said.

fd_The_Office_03x22

fd_The_Office_03x22_0

Jim: [to Pam] Hey. Jim: [Dwight hands Jim a piece of paper] Oh, what's this? Dwight: That is a demerit. Jim: [reads demerit] "Jim Halpert, tardiness." Ugh. I love it already. Dwight: You've gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law. Jim: Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean? Dwight: [scoffs] Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those. Jim: Lay it on me. Dwight: Three demerits and you'll receive a citation. Jim: Now that sounds serious. Dwight: Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt... in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior. Jim: Which would be me. Dwight: That is correct. Jim: OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation. Dwight: What's a dis... what's that? Jim: Oh, you don't want to know. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [door opens] Hey, Phyllis. You all right? Phyllis: I think I just got flashed. Pam: What? Really? Phyllis: In the parking lot. Pam: Oh, my God. Dwight: [jumps out of his chair and runs for the door] Move! Jim: OK, I'll call the real police. Andy: What happened? What can I do to help? Jim: [on the phone] OK. Andy: I'll check the web. Jim: [on the phone] Thank you. [hangs up the phone] The police are on it. They say they've already had three calls. Pam: [to Phyllis] Can you tell us what happened? Phyllis: Um... I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out... on the map. Angela: Phyllis. You're a married woman. Creed: The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: If that's flashing, then lock me up. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [whispering] It's just, like, so creepy. Ryan: [whispering] Yeah. [Pam and Ryan whispering] Michael: What's happening? Pam: Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot. Michael: Really? Is she OK? Pam: Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down. Michael: OK. [deep breath] Phyllis, you say? [snorts] Hmm. [suppressed laugher] Angela: What is so funny? Michael: Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind? Kevin: I'm guessing not. Michael: [laughing softly] I'm sorry. It's pretty funny when you think about it. Jim: Mm... not really, no. Pam: It's disgusting and demeaning. Michael: Oh, OK. Masters of comedy. A guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus? [everyone glares] OK. [Michael puts his finger through his pant's zipper] He's back! [laughs] OK. Hmm. [babbling with his coat pulled closed] Waagh! [flashes everyone] Toby: Hey, what's going on? There's a police car in the... Michael: What? Oh. [makes descending scale noise as his finger goes down] Toby: What's going on? Michael: Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It's, uh... [laughs] Toby: I don't think laughing about it is an appropriate response. Michael: Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul. Toby: I don't think the women in this office - Michael: Incidentally, where were you during all of this? Maybe you're the flasher. Toby: I was at a parent-teacher conference. Michael: Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your pen1s. [everyone is shocked] [exhales]I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [on speakerphone] Michael, ... Michael: Huh? Jan: ...come over after work tonight, OK? I miss your body. Michael: I don't know. I feel... I drive a lot. I'm spending a fortune on gas and tolls - Jan: I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser. Michael: Um, that... I don't know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable. Jan: $300? Michael: I... uh, well, I don't know. Jan: You know whatever. Just let my assistant know if you're coming over so he can get more vodka, OK? Hunter, are you on? Hunter: [on speakerphone] You got it, Jan. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [exhales] I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid. And that can't happen. Not in my house. Dwight: Agreed. Let me show you what I've been working on. Michael: OK. Dwight: [lays a folder full of pictures on Michael's desk] There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert. Michael: This is the last thing that Phyllis needs to see right now, Dwight. Dwight: Look at that one. Michael: Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid. [Dwight takes the Polaroid and crumples it in his hand] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say. Dwight: Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his pen1s - I think you know what I'm referring to - Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force. Jim: [raises hand] Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces? Dwight: Answer: No, because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know... I know what you're thinking. [Pam nods] Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community? Pam: Phallus? Dwight: Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I don't often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. [small laugh] Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: I didn't really get a good look. Pam: That's OK. I don't feel like answering phones. Karen: Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? [reads memo] "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding 1/4 inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous. Dwight: Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen. Karen: Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting. Dwight: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Pam: [reads memo] "Sleeves down to the wrists, buttoned-up collars, and muted colors." Nobody dress like that. [camera pans over to Angela] Michael: OK, you know something, Dwight? We are not the terrorists. Why don't you just take these women, put 'em in a burlap sack, and hit 'em with a stick? Because that's what you're doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that. Karen: Look, it's really simple. We just want you guys to treat us with respect. Michael: See? That's what we're talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight? Dwight: Yes. Did you hear that, Michael? Michael: No, Dwight. Respect. R-E-S-P-svee-T. Find out what it means to me. All right, you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation. Jim: Wait a second, how are you qualified for that? Michael: Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one? Dwight: [eating banana] Mm, less than three. Michael: That is not current. Dwight: You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting? He's a homosexual. Jim: Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls. Dwight: Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car. Michael: You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I, um... would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter. Creed: Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal? Michael: Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited. Meredith: I don't remember doing that. Angela: What a surprise. Michael: OK, no catfights. Please. Let's - my point is... my point is... a pen1s, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie. Dwight: Alien. Blagh! Michael: What are...? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. [points to Pam] Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this. Andy: If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models. Kevin: Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me. Karen: What you're saying is extremely misogynistic. Michael: Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything. Karen: I'm saying that you're being sexist. Michael: No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist. Karen: That - it's the same thing. Phyllis: Michael. Michael: Yes. Phyllis: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian. Michael: Because wha... that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut. Angela: And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods. Michael: I have to know whether you're serious or not. Dwight: I wish I could menstruate. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Can we just get back to work? Michael: Ye - OK, yes. Angela: This is not work talk. Michael: You're right. You're right, you're right. And you know why? It's because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we're gonna go? The Steamtown Mall. [Kelly gasps] [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Frankly, it's kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car. So... I could do that. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Malls are just awful and humiliating. They're just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior's section. There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, let's go, ladies of Dunder-Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder. [Pam nods] Let's go! Dwight: Have you finished with the sketch? Pam: Yeah. Dwight: Hmm, doesn't seem like the type. Pam: Uh, Phyllis got a good look. Dwight: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Pam's sketch looks like Dwight with a mustache, but without his glasses] I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [tires screeching] Oh. Angela: Meredith, slow down! We're not gonna get there any faster if we're dead. Meredith: Thanks. I know how to drive. [dumps the crumbs from a bag of chips she was eating into her mouth and throws it out the window] Pam: Oh, yeah. You really shouldn't litter. Meredith: My car, my rules. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women's bathroom? Jim: No. Thank you, though. Kevin: You aren't curious? Jim: Not really. I've seen a bathroom before. Kevin: Yeah, but... it's every guy's fantasy. Jim: I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it. Kevin: [quietly] Yeah. I'm going in. Jim: Go crazy. Kevin: [in women's bathroom] Oh... my... God. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today. Dwight: Of course you do, moon face. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So start hanging these all around the building. Andy: This guy looks like a real deviant. Dwight: No, duh. That's why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those. Andy: Aye, aye, Cap'n. Dwight: More like, "Aye, aye, General." [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Meredith parking the car] I don't think she's gonna make it. Don't think she's gonna make it - [metal scraping] Meredith: It's a little too tight. I'm gonna find another spot. Michael: Many women are competent drivers. [scraping] OK. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [marks Scranton with a red pushpin on a map of Pennsylvania and exhales] This is what we know. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [in women's bathroom] Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool. Kevin: Yes. Toby: Hey, uh... where'd you decide to take Karen tonight? Jim: Anna Maria's. Ryan: What's the occasion? Jim: Six-month anniversary. What? Ryan: Nothing - I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up. Jim: No, we've been dating for six months. Ryan: Uh, she might mention an email that I wrote a while back, um - Jim: Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend. Ryan: I figured. It's cool. I don't - I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: All right. Hope nobody's on a diet. Kelly: Thanks, Michael. Angela: Thank you, Michael. Michael: You're welcome. You're welcome, you're welcome. OK. So, let's dish. Pam: What do you want to dish about? Michael: Anything you guys want. This is your time. [everyone is silent or continues to eat, Michael exhales] Mm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it "shmear?" Like the cream cheese. Pam: OK. New topic. Kelly, how are things with Ryan? Kelly: Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome. Michael: What, um... what do you think of role-play? Phyllis: Oh, it can be fun. Michael: Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy. Karen: It's a pretty common one. Michael: I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress. Angela: OK. I'm gonna be at the doll store. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with. Michael: Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing. I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during s*x. Pam: Oh, my God. Michael: [groans] And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form. Karen: That is not healthy behavior. Michael: No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it. Pam: Michael, you need to get out of this. Michael: No, she's... she's fooling around. It's a woman thing. Pam: No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad. [Karen nods and Michael looks like he's about to start crying] Michael: No... No, it's all right. I'm OK. I'm OK. [sniffing] You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan? [sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Read the pros first. Michael: OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt. Phyllis: She does have very nice clothes. Karen: OK, OK. Um, cons. Michael: Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts[/b]: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested. Pam: What was the last one? Michael: She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles. Phyllis: No, the one before that. Michael: I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Pam: Michael... you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy. Michael: I'm happy sometimes. Um... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having s*x. Karen: Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes. Michael: Yeah, that's smart. Pam: Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other. Michael: That sounds good too. I don't know who's right. I just don't - I don't know. I don't know. Phyllis: I bet you know. Don't think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan? Michael: I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan. Phyllis: My mom taught me that. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories. Pam: No one said it has no calories. Michael: Oh, hey, guys. I want to do something nice for you, because you did something so nice for me earlier. I want you to go in there. I want you to buy one item on me as a thank-you. [Kelly sprints inside Victoria's Secret] Come on. Get in here. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Let's face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing 8-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [in women's bathroom] This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often. Toby: I-I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time. Creed: What are you doing in here? This is the women's room. Kevin: You're in here. Creed: I pay for that privilege. [goes into stall] Kevin: [all get up to leave] OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [wearing headphones and speaking loudly] I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Mm. You don't want anything? My treat. Some panties or... pick a thong or... G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any - it just - you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear. Karen: Phyllis. What do you think? Too much? Phyllis: Jim's gonna love it. [Karen giggles] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don't need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [in the car] Slower. Slower. Meredith. [Michael's cell phone ringing My Humps] Slow it up. Michael: Oh. Oh, no. [inhales sharply] It's Jan. What do I do? Karen: Answer it. Pam: Don't answer it. Michael: OK, it stopped. Kelly: [bang] Whoa. Meredith: [tires screeching] Crap. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [snickers at Pam's sketch] That is pretty cool. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right? Michael: Uh, yeah. Yep. Um... Could somebody grab me the lever, and I will... Pam: Here, uh... Meredith? Why don't you put your hazards on. Michael: Yeah, get your hazards on for safety. Let's see. [takes off his coat and tosses it aside] There we go! [Pam brings over the jack and lug wrench] Good. Yes, we have the... all right. [tries the use the jack to loosen the lug nuts] Pam: I think I've got it. Michael: Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan? Pam: I don't think we really need that, Michael. Michael: Uh... you know what? I'm going to... you take care of that. I'm gonna do traffic... detail. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe's already coming in handy. [Meredith honking] Coming! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Think we'll find him? Dwight: Yeah, I do. 'Cause justice never rests. Andy: [pulls a candy bar from his coat pocket] Halvsies? Dwight: No. Wholesies. [snatches the candy bar] Andy: Listen, man, I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot. Dwight: Natch. [bites off a lot of candy bar] Andy: Yep. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang some of these posters around my neighborhood. Schools, post office, et cetera. Dwight: You know, I may have underestimated you. You're not a total ass. [coughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, I am really going to do this. Pam: Good luck, Michael. Michael: You know what? I need my girls with me. Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. Let's do this. Let's do it. [sighs] Karen: OK, remember, be strong. Michael: I love you guys. Now I'm getting her voicemail. Pam: Don't leave a - Michael: [leaving a message] Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. [Jan walks in] OK, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later. Jan: Michael... [clears throat] I was, um... I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I... I just - I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person. So... [takes Michael's hand] I'm sorry. Michael: Thank you. Jan: So... we're good? Michael: Abso-fruit-ly. Jan: [cell phone vibrates] Oh. Hold on, I'm sorry. Michael: No... No... Jan: One second. Oh! It's from you. Uh, you wanna grab some dinner? Michael: Yeah. Jan: OK. [voice on phone] "It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I want..." Michael: Maybe some Italian. [voice on phone] "... to remain friends. Or at least business associates -" [Jan takes the phone away from her ear] Chinese? [voice on phone] "who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy." Jan: Oh. [door closes] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [sighs] Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. "Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [phone rings] Dunder-Mifflin paper/s*x predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute. Jim: Hey, Dwight. It's Jim. Dwight: Jim, what are you doing? I'm busy. Jim: No, you're not. I'm looking right at you. Dwight: Ugh. I'm hanging up. Jim: Don't. [quietly] I have information about the s*x predator. Dwight: You have information about the s*x predator? Jim: I saw him two minutes ago. Dwight: Where? Jim: In the women's bathroom, above the sink. Dwight: [hangs up and runs to the women's bathroom] Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. [sees himself in the mirror with two black marks on the mirror making a mustache, removes his glasses and figures it out] PAM!

After Phyllis is the victim of a flashing in the parking lot, Michael attempts to host a seminar on women's issues. When it doesn't go as expected, he takes the women of the office on a trip to the mall, while Dwight and Andy search for the flasher and distribute flyers. At the mall, Michael discusses his discomfort in his relationship with Jan, and the women advise him to break up with her. As Michael breaks up with Jan via voicemail, she suddenly arrives at the office.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_01x16

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_01x16_0

[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. SHOPPING MALL (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT SHOPPING MALL PARKING GARAGE (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CITRUS CANYON MALL - PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT] (In the parking garage, the security guards gather around the television set and watch the game.) (A woman walks up to the elevators and presses the button. The doors open and she walks inside.) (Cut to: The elevator takes the woman up to the floor. The elevators open and she walks out. She walks across the parking lot toward her car.) (She reaches for her keys and disables the car alarm. As she reaches the car to unlock the car door. Someone sticks a gun in her back. She screams.) (He pushes her against the car window and instructs her.) Male Voice: Give me your keys and get in the car. (She drops the keys and it falls to the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERTED ROAD - NIGHT] (A car drives down the deserted roadway. Off to the side of the road lying on the dirt is the WOMAN from the shopping mall.) (Cut to: Inside the car, as they take the bend, the lights from the car fall upon the WOMAN on the side of the road.) Rosalyn Dudek: What is that? (It starts to rain. The car pulls over to check it out. HANK and ROSALYN DUDEK both step out of the car.) Hank Dudek: Is that a body? (They shut the car doors and step in for a closer look.) (The WOMAN moves.) Rosalyn Dudek: Oh, my god. She's alive. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERTED ROAD - NIGHT - LATER] (POLICE CARS pull over. The CSI Tahoe also pulls over as they arrive at the site.) (SARA, GRISSOM and NICK get out of the car to meet up with BRASS.) Sara: Hey. Brass: Here's what I know so far. Victim was a well-dressed woman, young, black. She's at Desert Palm Hospital multiple gunshots to the head possible sexual assault. Doctor has her as "death imminent." Grissom: Sara, I'm going to need you to go to the hospital process the victim-- sexual assault kit, hairs, fibers, the works. Sara: Right now? I thought I would help you two with the scene. Grissom: The evidence won't stay on the body long at the E.R. Sara: Walk in the park, guys. (SARA leaves.) (NICK and GRISSOM cross under the crime scene table. They look around the area where the body was found. NICK finds some shoe prints. He takes pictures of it.) Nick: It looks like a high heel print. Maybe abducted. (He takes more pictures.) Nick: Did she know the guy? Did he use his car or hers? Grissom: Locard's principle: He took a piece of her away with him and he left a piece of himself here. (beat) We get to find it. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE, WARRICK and GRISSOM walk into the lab carrying boxes of evidence for a case.) Grissom: Thank you, my sherpas. Catherine: Surely. (They put the boxes down on the table.) So, you got our assignments? Grissom: You're looking at it. Murder case. Catherine: This mess? You're not serious. Grissom: DA is. Guy named McCall shot and killed his neighbor over a motorcycle. D.A. Can't make heads or tails of the evidence for the preliminary hearing. Warrick: Where's McCall now? He's being held? Grissom: He ran from the arresting officers so the Judge refused him bail. Catherine: And why isn't the case CSI dealing with this? Grissom: Franovich from days? He quit yesterday. Burnout. Catherine: And what did the DA charge? Grissom: Murder one. The case has changed hands so many times that the D.A. Can't make any sense of it. It gets better. The prelim's in four days. (At that, CATHERINE drops the file she's looking at back on the table.) Catherine: Well, no pressure here. Warrick: Great. Grissom: Cath, can I see you outside for a sec? (CATHERINE looks at GRISSOM, puzzled by the request, then follows him outside.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE talk in the hallway.) Catherine: Why would my bank be asking you about my employment record? Grissom: Well, technically, I'm your supervisor. They said that Eddie took a second mortgage out on your house. They said that you still own it together until the divorce is final. (CATHERINE sighs.) Catherine: We didn't want to sell it until the market went back up and then we were going to split the profits. I can't believe he took a second out on the house. How can he do that without my signature? Grissom: It's Eddie. I just thought you should know. I gotta get back out to Nick. (GRISSOM leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL - HALLWAY -- DAY] (SARA walks into the busy hospital emergency area and heads for DETECTIVE EVANS who leans against the door.) Sara: Hey. Det. Evans: Hey. Sara: You get any I.D. On her? Det. Evans: No. She's a Jane Doe. She's got two bullets lodged in her brain. Docs can't remove them without killing her. Sara: All right. (SARA turns to enter the room. The NURSE who is leaving lets her inside.) Nurse: Come in. Sara: Hi. [EMERGENCY EXAM ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (The NURSE closes her door on her way out. DET. EVANS helps SARA with her kit.) Sara: Thanks. (He puts it on the counter in the back of the room. SARA turns and looks at JANE DOE in bed.) (SARA notes the missing ring on her finger.) Sara: Make a note she's married. Or recently divorced. (DET. EVANS takes a notebook out from his pocket. SARA reaches out and picks up JANE DOE'S hand.) Sara: She's warm. Det. Evans: Feels different, huh? (SARA looks at JANE DOE, then calls back out to EVANS.) Sara: Uh, Evans ... we're going to need a little privacy here. (DET. EVANS turns and leaves the room. SARA pushes the table forward, then takes off her jacket. She opens her kit and puts on a pair of gloves.) (On the side table, SARA takes a package off the Sexual Assault Evidence Collection Kit box. She sits down. She looks at JANE DOE, then starts with scraping under her fingernails into the envelope.) (Dissolve to: SARA leans over and reaches out to take a swab of her mouth.) (Dissolve to: SARA is at the foot of the bed and rolls up the blanket above JANE DOE'S knees. She positions her legs, then reaches for a speculum.) Sara: I never really liked this part of my yearly exam. These things are always freezing. (SARA tries to warm the speculum up a moment.) Sara: Okay. (She places the instrument and reaches for a swab, her eyes constantly rising to look at JANE DOE on the bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE #07 [EXT. DESERTED ROAD - DAY (Camera snaps a photo of evidence marker #2. Cut to: The camera snaps another photo of evidence marker #1, an empty bullet casing.) (NICK is taking photographs.) Nick: Cartridge casings. They don't look like hunters' either. (GRISSOM sees something and kneels down to look at it.) (Camera zooms in for a close up of a piece of denim partially covered by a rock) Grissom: Nick, get a shot of this. (GRISSOM removes the rock.) Grissom: Looks like a belt loop. (NICK walks over to look at it.) Nick: We couldn't have been there long. No elements. (He takes a picture.) Grissom: Brass, was the victim wearing denim? Brass: Silk or lace, something like that. Definitely not denim. (He takes another photo.) Grissom: Good chance this is our suspect's. I'm going to use scent pads. (GRISSOM stands up. NICK glances over at BRASS, then stands up also.) Nick: Scent pads? Brass: Canine voodoo. (GRISSOM is at the back of the car opening a kit as he explains it further to NICK.) Grissom: A dog's sense of smell is about 40 times more acute than a human's. A dog's nose is packed with dense rolls of membranes that absorb odor. Stretched out, these membranes extend about a third the length of a dog's body. The membranes of the human nose about the size of a postage stamp. (GRISSOM puts the Sirchie scent pad machine together.) Nick: Looks like a giant dustbuster. GRISSOM; Similar. You place absorbent pads into the chamber then run the machine over the suspected item. Then you take the pad seal it in an envelope and freeze it. (GRISSOM picks up the scent pad machine and heads back to the area.) Nick: Yeah. Yeah, then we pull them out when we know enough about this denim guy to find a proximal location. Grissom: Except there's a caveat. (GRISSOM turns the machine on and holds it over the small piece of denim.) Brass: You want to explain that caveat? (Quick CGI POV through the nozzle of the scent pad machine as it "gathers" the "scent" from the denim piece and is sucked into the scent pad.) Grissom: (V.O.) Later. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present. Grissom: Hopefully, Sara's making some progress. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (CATHERINE and WARRICK go over the files for the case.) Warrick: Hey, are you just going to ignore my question? Catherine: I called Eddie about the loan. I got his voicemail. The guy's like ether. You going to answer my question? Warrick: All right, here's what we know from the arresting officer: (WARRICK picks up the file and reads.) Warrick: Two 25-year-old guys Chuckie Hastings and Roy McCall, lifelong neighbors one step up from a trailer park got into a beef over a motorcycle in the owner's backyard. Catherine: All right, here's McCall's statement. If you can believe a guy who's looking at murder. Mccall says that he returned Hastings' motorcycle to him with the front end smashed up. They were standing in Hastings' backyard... (Quick flashback to: HASTINGS is looking at the damage to the motorcycle. McCALL stands next to him.) Roy McCall: I told you I'd pay for it. Chuckie Hastings: Yeah, you said that last time. (ROY McCALL turns away.) ROY McCALL: Whatever. (CHUCKIE HASTINGS gets to his feet.) Chuckie Hastings: Yeah, whatever. You b*st*rd. (HASTINGS slaps McCALL.) Roy McCall: Hey, back off, man, back off. (HASTINGS picks up a screwdriver.) Chuckie Hastings: You're going to pay for all of it. (HASTINGS swings the screwdriver and attacks MCCALL with it. He swipes MCCALL in the arm before MCCALL pushes him away. MCCALL looks down at the wound in his arm, then reaches for his gun.) Catherine: (V.O.) Mccall defends himself with an automatic that was down his pants. (MCCALL pulls out an automatic, aims and shoots. Once, twice.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: All right, now, Hastings' wife said that McCall shot Hastings in the back. Catherine: Mm-hmm. Warrick: And the coroner's report substantiates that. (Quick flashback to: CHUCKIE HASTINGS has his back to ROY MCCALL when MCCALL shoots him twice. LAURIANE HASTINGS watches on the side and screams.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: So, what? McCall lied. He really said that Hastings cam at him with a screwdriver so he can plead self-defense? Warrick: Well, we would need the screwdriver with McCall's blood on it to prove that, now, wouldn't we? (CATHERINE stands up ready to search through the boxes.) Catherine: All right, which box? Warrick: I have been through all these boxes twice. It's not there. Catherine: The evidence is lost? In a murder case? Warrick: The gun is here, but there's no screwdriver. They even have crime scene photos of it. But no tests were run on it before it was misplaced. Catherine: So, we know why Franovich left. He quit before we could fire his ass. Warrick: Right. Catherine: So, you know who the DA will blame for this? Warrick: Yeah, the same people homicide'll blame. Catherine: Well, now that we've exhausted all of our options let's start over. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (BOBBY DAWSON looks at the monitor running the cartridge comparison through the database.) Bobby Dawson: So this lady's expected to die. Is that the story? Grissom: Somebody raped her, shot her and left her for dead. Nick: And left two cartridge casings behind for us. Thank you very much. (Quick CGI POV to: A Camera close up of a gun being fired and the two empty cartridge casings falling to the ground. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Bobby Dawson: That kind of oversight tells you he's stupid. Grissom: Or true to form. People are usually meticulous in planning up to a murder. They rarely plan the aftermath. Nick: Still, you'd think the bad guys would figure we'd eventually start a database on cartridge casings, huh? (GRISSOM looks up when the computer starts to beep. The monitor indicates two matches.) Bobby Dawson: Gentlemen, we've got ourselves a bull's-eye. Nick: Well, well, well. Looks like this gun was used before in a case we've handled. (The monitor splices the bullets in half and matches the two sides together to each other.) Nick: North Vegas shooting. Bobby Dawson: You gotta do a side-by-side comparison to be sure. Grissom: Well, listen, if you get a confirmation, page me. I gotta go see Sara. (GRISSOM stands and leaves the lab.) Bobby Dawson: Okay. (BOBBY takes a seat in front of the monitor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - EMERGENCY EXAM ROOM - NIGHT] (SARA finishes the exam and puts the envelopes on the box on her kit. She moves to the side to pick up the packages of victim clothing. As she lifts it, something falls out of the package and onto the floor. The metal hits the floor with a clink.) (SARA picks it up and looks at it under the lamp.) Sara: Saint Catherine. She studied science. (SARA sits down in the seat next to the bed continuing to talk with JANE DOE.) Sara: She was touch and very outspoken. Went against the Emperor himself. Chewed him out for persecuting Christians. Took him two or three tries to execute her. (She pauses and thinks about it ... about the similarities.) Sara: She never gave up. She was brave. (SARA puts the medallion in JANE DOE'S hand.) Sara: You hold on to this. (Through the window in the door, GRISSOM walks up to the door. He watches as SARA pulls her seat closer to JANE DOE. He pushes the door open and hears what SARA says.) Sara: (quietly) This shouldn't have happened to you. But, I promise I will find out who did this. I promise. (SARA sits back in her seat and notices GRISSOM standing in the doorway.) Grissom: Hey. Sara: Hey. (GRISSOM doesn't say anything. SARA stands up.) Sara: Sexual assault kit's ready to process. Grissom: How's it look? (SARA stands in front of GRISSOM, a little off-balance by his question.) Sara: We'll see. She's, um ... (she nods, gathering her composure) ... breathing. Grissom: She's evidence. (Not liking his response, SARA doesn't say anything and turns around back to the bed.) Grissom: Sara? Sara: Yeah? Grissom: If you try and chase two rabbits you end up losing them both. (SARA stares at GRISSOM. He slowly backs away from the door letting it close between them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HASTINGS RESIDENCE - DAY] (CATHERINE and WARRICK walk toward the HASTINGS' house. A dog barks as they walk up the front.) (CATHERINE knocks on the door. A woman answers.) Catherine: Hi. Laurieane Hastings? We're with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Laurieane Hastings: Cops. I have talked to enough of you already. Warrick: Ma'am, we're not cops. We're crime scene investigators. We've come to ask you a few questions about the day that your husband was killed. Maybe acquaint ourselves with the actual crime scene. Laurieane Hastings: Is this going to let Roy McCall out of jail which is where he belongs? Catherine: We're simply reviewing the evidence for the preliminary hearing. [INT. HASTINGS' RESIDENCE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (She leads them into the garage where the motorcycle is.) Laurieane Hastings: McCall was always borrowing this motorcycle and Chuckie was mad at him 'cause he returned it wrecked again. He was yelling at him and out of the blue mccall pulled his gun. Catherine: You were home. Laurieane Hastings: Yes, I was. Catherine: And you saw the shooting? Laurieane Hastings: I most certainly did. I was doing laundry here ... (Quick flashback to: On the day of the shooting, LAURIEANE HASTINGS is standing at the washing machine when she hears voices.) Roy McCall: (o.s.) Get your hands off me. Chuckie Hastings: (o.s.) I'm sick of you, man. Roy McCall: (o.s.) Whatever. (White flash to: LAURIEANE HASTINGS walks out of the house and sees HASTINGS AND MCCALL in a shoving match in the back yard. Laurieane Hastings: (V.O.) I went to see and try to break it up. Chuckie Hastings: Back off, man. Back off. (She watches as CHUCKIE turns around to walk toward her.) Chuckie Hastings: Get your sorry ass off my property. (MCCALL takes out his gun and shoots him in the back.) (CHUCKIE HASTINGS looks at LAURIEANE, then falls to the ground. She starts screaming.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: Out back here? Laurieane Hastings: Yes. (WARRICK opens the back door and walks outside.) Catherine: How long did you say they had been arguing before you heard the first shot? Laurieane Hastings: (shrugs) Couple minutes. Catherine: And then you went out back? Laurieane Hastings: That's right. Catherine: Okay, thank you. This won't take very long. (CATHERINE reaches into her pocket and takes out a stopwatch. She clicks it on, then runs out the back door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HASTINGS RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE runs out the back door into the yard. WARRICK sees her.) Warrick: What's up? (CATHERINE clicks off the stopwatch and explains. Catherine: She did a "fill-in" back there in the garage. First, she said she saw both shots, but I just asked her and she said she heard the first shot and then came running out here. Warrick: Heard the first shot and then came running out here. Catherine: Yeah. Warrick: McCall had a semiautomatic. I mean, you could pull off a shot in two-tenths of a second. Catherine: Right. It took me 3.8 seconds to get out here. She didn't see any shot. Warrick: So she just filled in what she thought happened -- that McCall shot her husband in cold blood. Catherine: Right. Warrick: Typical eyewitness. Catherine: So, there's a good chance that McCall was telling the truth -- that he shot Hastings in self-defense. Warrick: Well, if we had the screwdriver that someone lost Catherine: Right. Warrick: We'd be able to check for blood. Catherine: Right. Let's go see McCall. No one lost him. (They both leave the backyard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE LOCKER - DAY] (GRISSOM, NICK and SARA go through the evidence from the case.) Nick: Hey, you guys, this North Vegas shooting with the same casings as our Jane Doe's? Grissom: Mm-hmm. Nick: It was gang-related. And homicide never found the shooter. Grissom: It's almost impossible in gang neighborhoods. Nobody wants to talk. People are afraid. Listen, let's see if we have any evidence that's not attributed to the victim. (They look at the paper bags. SARA finds something.) Sara: Here you go. (She takes out a cap with a snake logo sewn on the front.) Nick: Snakebacks. Grissom: Gang shooters mark their kills by tossing down their hats. (Quick flashback to: A dead body on the ground. The person throws their hat with the snake logo on it over the body. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Some sort of anthropological quirk of territoriality. Like cats spraying on a bush. (NICK laughs. SARA takes the hat.) Nick: Lets the opposition know who was responsible. (She looks at it and notices something.) Sara: Somebody wore this hat a lot. (Quick Close up of a sweaty head, the inside of the hat, and the sweat marks on the inside of the hat. Resume to present.) Sara: This sweatband might give us DNA and I could compare it to the samples I collected off of Jane at the hospital. (GRISSOM looks at SARA, surprised.) Grissom: Jane? Sara: Our ... Jane Doe. My "death imminent." Nick: First-name basis, Sara? (SARA looks at NICK.) Sara: I'll be in DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY] (BRASS walks around the corner. GRISSOM and NICK get out of the car.) Brass: Hey. This is, uh, Detective Sam Vega from the gang detail. He's here to give us information on 23rd street. This is Gil Grissom and Nick Stokes from the crime lab. (They shake hands.) Grissom: We're looking for a shooter. Guy abducted, raped and shot a young black woman the other night. Det. Sam Vega: We get a couple of shootings a week here from the snakebacks, out of a four-block radius from this point here. Usually at the pepper street gang. Your guy might have left the neighborhood as part of a gang initiation. It means more when the victim's a civilian. Nick: Our ball cap belongs to somebody in this neighborhood. These houses are full of people who know the guy who wears it. Brass: Okay, Nick, ready to burn some shoe leather? Some old-fashioned police work? What do you say, huh? (BRASS leads them away.) Nick: Why can't we just use those scent pads? Grissom: The dogs? Constitutional issue. We can't get a warrant for the evidence we find off the dogs' search. Nick: Great, great. Why'd you even suggest it? Grissom: You're a grown man, Nick. Stop whining. (Camera cuts to an above the neighborhood shot showing just how large an area they need to cover.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (CATHERINE and WARRICK question ROY MCCALL with his lawyer, MARGARET FINN.) Warrick: Mr. McCall, according to your statement you went over to your neighbor Hastings' house to return his motorcycle. You got into a dispute over a wrecked fender and he attacked you with a screwdriver. (MCCALL looks at MARGARET FINN who nods to him.) Roy McCall: He stabbed me in the arm. (Quick flashback to: CHUCKIE HASTINGS grabs a screwdriver as they argue.) Chuckie Hastings: Hey, back off, man. Roy McCall: You're gonna pay for this. (HASTINGS stabs MCCALL in the arm. The two struggle.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Can you circle the area in which the screwdriver entered your arm when Hastings attacked you? (MCCALL grabs the pen with his right hand and marks the paper. He puts the pen down.) Catherine: May I exam your client's wound? Margaret Finn: Yes, anything to clear my client. (CATHERINE stands up. MCCALL pulls up his sleeve to show the mark on his arm.) Catherine: Thanks. (CATHERINE turns to WARRICK. MCCALL and MARGARET FINN speak softly to each other.) Catherine: (softly to WARRICK) I think he's telling the truth. He's right-handed. I could tell when he took the pen. Warrick: So you're saying that if he'd inflicted the wound on himself he would have stabbed his left arm. Catherine: And even if he'd tried to fool us and stabbed his right arm the entry scar would have been upward, not down. Warrick: Mr. McCall, which direction was Hastings facing when you shot him? Margaret Finn: He was facing my client. End of story. Catherine: Well, the coroner disagrees. Margaret Finn: Well, that's the coroner's problem. And I after I tell any jury how your side managed to lose a piece of evidence as important as the screwdriver ... (WARRICK sighs.) really, how much weight will the coroner's findings have? (MARGARET FINN reaches for her bag.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE and WARRICK walk out of the interview room and into the hallway.)) Catherine: People don't realize just how many sets of hands a piece of evidence passes through. Losing evidence isn't about anything sneaky. It's just human error. (CATHERINE'S phone rings.) Warrick: Defense attorneys have made a whole career off that human error. Catherine: Yeah, tell me about it. (She takes out her phone and answers it.) Catherine: (to phone) Hello. Eddie ... (to WARRICK) I-I'll meet you at the coroner's. (to phone) So, you took a second out on the house and, uh, didn't tell me about it? No, I would have remembered you telling me something as big as... oh, a studio. Are you out of your mind? So, now I'm going to be making house payments which you never had money for when we lived together and a second mortgage? No, we don't have time to talk about this. (angry) You get that loan canceled, and you do it now, Ed. Now! (CATHERINE hangs up and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (WARRICK talks with DR. ROBBINS.) Warrick: Doc, are you sure McCall shot Hastings in the back? Dr. Albert Robbins: Back to front, both times. Warrick: This guy McCall swears that he shot him straight ahead in self-defense. Dr. Albert Robbins: Look at my notes. (DR. ROBBINS walks over to the desk where the file is.) Dr. Albert Robbins: Right here. "Entry wounds piercing the back, both small, regular with evidence of carbonaceous material typical of having just emerged from a gun ... " Warrick: (nods) Right. Dr. Albert Robbins: "...And they exited out the front with a classic keyhole effect-- irregular. First bullet entered Hastings' (Quick CGI POV: The gun fires. The bullet shoots out of the barrel, through the cloth and into flesh. It passes through the necessary organs and muscles, then pierces back out.) Dr. Albert Robbins: (V.O.) ... "lattissimus dorsi passed through the lower intestine exited out the intercostal muscle. (End of quick CGI POV. Resume to WARRICK.) (Quick CGI POV of the second shot. The sound of a gun firing, the bullet pierces through the cloth, through the flesh and out the back.) Dr. Albert Robbins: (V.O.) The second bullet passed through Hastings' C-7 thoracic nerve exited out the pectoralis major." (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (DR. ROBBINS looks at WARRICK who closes the file.) Warrick: All right, look, I'm not doubting your findings. But when guys go at it they're not like gingerbread men, you know? They're, like, bobbing and weaving. It's like W.W.F. Smackdown. You know? All of these things could have changed what went down when Hastings and McCall tangled. Dr. Albert Robbins: Anatomically speaking, it's open-and-shut. You guys are the ones to put perspective on it. Warrick: No doubt. When Catherine gets here can you tell her I went over to evidence to check out the victim's t-shirt? Dr. Albert Robbins: Mm-hmm. (WARRICK heads out the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - COMPUTER LAB] (SARA sits in front of the computer going file by file through the missing persons list. She hums softly to herself and continues to patiently go through the listing.) (GRISSOM walks through the hallway and notices SARA in the room. He stops by the doorway and lingers.) (He watches her for a moment, then steps inside the room.) Grissom: Hey. (SARA glances up at him, then continues to look through the listings.) Sara: Any luck on 23rd street? Grissom: I, uh, broke in my new shoes. That's about it. What'd the lab say? Sara: The DNA from the ball cap is a match to the semen we found on our Jane Doe. But ... CODIS hasn't kicked out a name. Grissom: So you're just ... looking at missing persons reports? Sara: We're not having any luck finding the shooter from his DNA with a belt loop so I thought I would at least try and identify the poor woman before she dies. (GRISSOM takes a step forward and leans in close to SARA.) Grissom: Sara. Do you have any diversions? Sara: Do I what? Grissom: You max out on overtime every month. You go home and listen to your police scanner. (SARA turns to look at GRISSOM.) Grissom: You read forensic textbooks ... Sara: Yeah. (She turns back to the computer. GRISSOM sits down in the chair next to her.) Grissom: Look, every day we meet people on the worst day of their lives. It's a lot to deal with. Everyone who's had any time on this job knows that you have to have a diversion in order to cope with what we see. What do you do for fun? Sara: I chase rabbits. And ... I read crime books. And I listen to the scanner. Grissom: You need something outside of law enforcement. Catherine has her kid, you know? I sometimes ... ride roller coasters. (SARA again turns to look at GRISSOM.) Grissom: What do you do? (She turns back to the computer.) Sara: Nothing. Grissom: Okay. What do you like? Sara: I don't like anything. Grissom: You've got to find something to like. You can't get too close to the victims. Sara: She's special ... to me. I can't help it. Grissom: If you don't find something they'll all become special and you'll burn out. (For the moment, SARA stops looking through the list. GRISSOM stands up and heads for the door. When he reaches the doorway, he turns around.) Grissom: Sara. Sara: Okay. I'm almost done. I just got to log off. (GRISSOM nods and walks out. SARA turns back to the computer and continues searching through the listings.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - NIGHT] (CATHERINE and WARRICK go back over the evidence. CATHERINE picks up the bloodied shirt.) Catherine: Well, this is progress. The shirt confirms what the coroner said: That the shots were fired back to front. Look at those entry holes. Warrick: Yeah, but look at that gunpowder. Unburned gunpowder. Catherine: Which happens when a gun is fired less than three feet from a victim. Warrick: Right. Catherine: McCall says that they were standing five paces apart. (CATHERINE looks at the file with LAURIEANE HASTINGS' statement.) Catherine: Mrs. Hastings says the exact same thing. So we have two eyewitnesses on opposite sides of the case ... saying the same thing. Warrick: In direct contradiction to our evidence. Catherine: Well, the DA's on my beeper. Would you, uh, explain this to him because I can't. Warrick: Yeah, right. (CATHERINE heads for the door. WARRICK follows her.) Warrick: Hey ... when's the last time you took target practice? (He holds up the box. CATHERINE takes her gloves off.) Catherine: Figures. I just had a manicure. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - FIRING RANGE] (WARRICK and CATHERINE set up various shirt targets at measured distances apart.) Warrick: Okay, so we're doing this reconstruction and the best way is to measure the distance between the victim and the assailant during the time of the altercation, right? Catherine: Right. (CATHERINE snaps the gun chamber shut.) Catherine: Using the same firearm and ammo that McCall used in his backyard on Hastings. Warrick: Right. (CATHERINE puts on her gear and checks the gun. WARRICK also puts on his head gear.) (CATHERINE puts the gun in the holder and fires it against the target shirt that reads "6 INCHES".) (WARRICK moves the gun placehold over to the next shirt with the note "1 FOOT". CATHERINE fires.) (They move over to the next shirt target, "1 1/2 FEET". CATHERINE fires.) (And finally, she shoots into the shirt with the tag "2 FEET".) (They take their head gear off and compare the shirt with the targets. WARRICK holds the bloodied shirt up to compare it with the target.) Warrick: Circumference of the gunpowder is the same. (Camera zooms in for a close up of the target's bullet hole.) Warrick: Looks like two feet for shot number one ... (He moves the shirt over to the next target. Camera zooms in for a close up of the target's bullet hole.) Warrick: ...and one foot for shot number two. Catherine: And according to Lauriane Hastings' statement he was running away. How can the second shot be closer than the first? Warrick: It can't. It's not possible. (Quick flashback to: The day of the shooting, from LAURIEANE HASTINGS' POV, CHUCKIE HASTINGS walks away from ROY MCCALL as he fires twice. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: We just disproved their statement. CATHERINE And then we've got McCall's statement. (Quick flashback to: The day of the shooting, from ROY MCCALL'S POV, he pushes CHUCKIE HASTINGS away from him after being stabbed with the screwdriver. He reaches for the gun as HASTINGS comes toward him. He fires.) Catherine: Can't happen when someone's facing you. (WARRICK sighs.) Warrick: The truth is somewhere in the middle. How long do we have till the prelim? Catherine: I think I know how we can figure this out. I saw this thing in my forensics catalog. Warrick: What kind of "thing"? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY-- DAY] Nick: Now you want to use the dogs to track down the Jane Doe shooter? (NICK and GRISSOM walk through the hallway.) Grissom: K-9 unit's going to meet us there. Nick: Yeah, but I spoke to Brass. He said we can't get a warrant on anything we need from the suspect's house-- gun, jeans, nothing. Grissom: That's if we find him inside his house. In which case, we'll figure out another way to get a warrant. Nick: You're rushing this for Sara. Grissom: My priority is the case, Nick. Release the hounds. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - COMPUTER ROOM - DAY] (Meanwhile, back in the computer room, SARA continues to go through the missing persons listings. With her eyes glued on to the monitor, she opens a pack of sugar with her teeth and pours it into her coffee cup - just one of many on the table beside her. She stirs the coffee.) (She picks up her cup and sighs.) (The monitor scrolls through a couple of listings. Then she stops on something familiar. It reads: MISING PERSON Pamela Adler: 26 YEAR OLD BLACK FEMALE, MISSING SINCE 1730 TUESDAY. WEARING LAVENDER BUSINESS SUIT. REPORTED MISSING BY THOMAS ADLER, HUSBAND. LAST SEEN AT LAS VEGAS SHOPPING CAR 1992 ACURA LEGEND. LA 360-RYD. (SARA reads the report and stops.) Sara: You were shopping. (She pauses and reads the name. Finally.) Sara: Pamela ... (sighs) ... Pamela Adler. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD -- DAY] (The OFFICER leads the dog over to the back of the car where GRISSOM and NICK are. GRISSOM opens the cooler with the scent pack inside.) Officer: Here we go. Come on. (GRISSOM opens the bag and takes out the container.) Grissom: Hey, lady. You ready for a scent pad? (GRISSOM takes out the pad and lets the two dogs smell it.) Grissom: Breathe deep. Girls. (They bark and head off.) Officer: Here we go! (The OFFICERS run along side the dogs. NICK watches them run.) Nick: Whoa! (to GRISSOM) Are we supposed to be able to keep up with those guys? (GRISSOM looks at NICK and motions after the dogs.) Grissom: Yeah! (NICK takes off after them. GRISSOM stands behind him with a smile on his face and slowly shakes his head. He laughs as he watches NICK run to catch up to the dogs.) (He turns back to the car.) (Cut to: The dogs track the scent along the sidewalk.) (Various cuts of the dogs tracking the scent.) Officer: Here we go. OFFICER: Come on. OFFICER: Come on. Good girl. (GRISSOM and NICK walk behind the dogs, watching them.) (The dogs start barking, then run along the street toward a particular house.) (The dogs run up the driveway toward a young man playing basketball out in front.) Tony Thorpe: Hey, hey, yo, yo. Back off, snoop. What'd you raggedy mutts want with me anyway? (NICK runs up the driveway after the dogs.) Tony Thorpe: Hey, you two, don't be hassling me. (NICK takes off his glasses when he sees it.) (Camera zooms in for a close up of the missing belt loop on the boy's jeans.) (GRISSOM catches up.) Nick: Guy's wearing the evidence in plain sight. We just got lucky. Shandra Thorpe: Tony! (The front door slams and a woman walks out of the house.) Shandra Thorpe: What are you doing?! (to the OFFICERS) You got a problem? Grissom: Ma'am, is-is this your son? Shandra Thorpe: Yes. Grissom: Well, we're going to have to talk to him for a minute. Shandra Thorpe: You police -- coming here with your attack dogs. Grissom: Actually, they're scent dogs, and I'm not a police officer. I'm a Forensic Scientist with the Las Vegas Police Department. Shandra Thorpe: What do I got to say to a scientist? Grissom: (shrugs) You could say "hello." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (CATHERINE stands over by the counter going through the files. WARRICK stands in front of a dummy marking the holes with a pen.) Warrick: This dummy cost over $500? Catherine: Oh, yeah. He's worth it. (CATHERINE picks up the second stick and walks toward the dummy.) Warrick: Why? Catherine: Well, look at him. He's lifelike, he doesn't talk, and he's self- healing. Warrick: He's "self-healing"? Catherine: Yeah. We make a mistake in our calculations we just start over. (CATHERINE puts the first stick into the dummy.) Warrick: Cool. Um, the wound track is off. Do it two centimeters higher. Catherine: All right. How's that? Warrick: Good. Catherine: All right. (She gets the second stick and marks the second shot.) Warrick: Now, the second shot was fired like so. Now, the coroner says that Hastings was shot just like this, from back to front and Hastings' wife says the same thing -- that her husband was running away. Catherine: And McCcall says that Hastings was facing him shot him in self-defense and he's got the wound ... to prove it. (She moves the right arm into position.) Warrick: Just like I said before, guys don't go at it and fight like gingerbread men, you know? Catherine: Mm-hmm. Warrick: Check it out. (Thinking about the case, WARRICK moves CATHERINE away from behind the dummy and takes her place there. CATHERINE steps aside.) Warrick: What if, um ... he was lunged ... (WARRICK bends the body over at the waist. CATHERINE sees her opportunity and quietly grabs the camera.) Warrick: ...just kind of like this? (CATHERINE snaps a photo. WARRICK turns to look at CATHERINE.) Warrick: Oh, you are wrong! (Laughing, CATHERINE takes the photo and waves it in front of him. She looks over at the dummy and her face freezes. She sees it.) Catherine: Warrick ... ? (WARRICK turns around to look at the dummy. He sees it, too.) Catherine: I think maybe they were both telling the truth. Warrick: Yeah. I'm calling the DA. (He turns and grabs the photo from CATHERINE as he walks out of the garage.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] [OBSERVATION ROOM] (Through the observation room glass, SARA watches BRASS and GRISSOM interview TONY THORPE with his mother, SHANDRA there.) Brass: So, Tony, where were you two nights ago? Tony Thorpe: I was nowhere special. I was just hanging. Sara: (to NICK) Grissom told you to keep me out, didn't he? (SARA turns to look at NICK who is standing beside her.) Nick: (nods) Yeah. [INTERVIEW ROOM] Grissom: Were you wearing those pants the other night? Tony Thorpe: Oh, these jeans? What's it to you? Grissom: They're missing a belt loop. (TONY looks down at his jeans.) Grissom: I find that interesting. Brass: You mind if we look at those? We got some scrubs for you to wear. (BRASS throws some clothes on the table in front of TONY. SHANDRA pushes the scrubs back toward BRASS.) Shandra Thorpe: I know the law. He doesn't have to do anything unless a judge says to. Brass: That's why we're asking Tony to volunteer ... with your permission ... (BRASS throws the scrubs back toward TONY.) [OBSERVATION ROOM] (Through the room glass, SARA watches as TONY casually stands up.) Tony Thorpe: Chill, moms. [INTERVIEW ROOM] (He takes off his jeans.) Tony Thorpe: (smugly) I got nothing to hide. It's no big thing. Cop said lady isn't even dead. (And throws them on the table in front of GRISSOM.) Grissom: That's true, she isn't ... but if she dies within a year and a day of the shooting ... then it's murder. Shaunda Thorpe: Is this some kind of a trick? Brass: No, ma'am, it's the law. We're working this case as a murder. Tony Thorpe: At least for the next year and a day and even then, I'm still a juvie. Grissom: Well, then I guess the law is on your side, Tony, isn't it? For now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (EDDIE WILLOWS sits in the chair in the hallway making faces with LINDSEY as she giggles and laughs.) (CATHERINE and WARRICK walk into the hallway.) Eddie Willows: Hi, Catherine. Somebody wanted to see you. Catherine: Hey, baby. Lindsey Willows: Hi, mommy. (CATHERINE kneels down and they hug.) Lindsey Willows: (excited) Daddy's taking me to dinner tonight. Catherine: He is? Eddie Willows: Main room at the Orpheus. Lindsey Willows: They have lions and tigers at the restaurant and daddy said I can go to a show after. Catherine Willows: Well, uh ... you know, honey, it's a school night so I need to discuss that with daddy first. Lindsey Willows: Come on, mom. It's just this one night. (CATHERINE smiles at LINDSEY and stands up.) Catherine: Ed ... (WARRICK leans over to look at LINDSEY.) Warrick: Hey, Lindsey, I got some games on my computer. You want to see? Lindsey Willows: Sure. Warrick: Let's play one. (WARRICK takes LINDSEY out of the hallway.) Catherine: (to LINDSEY) Uh, I'll see you in a bit, honey. (EDDIE stands up.) Catherine: (to EDDIE) You set me up. Again. Eddie Willows: How, by taking out daughter to dinner? Catherine: Get over here. (CATHERINE leads EDDIE into the next hallway to continue to conversation.) Eddie Willows: Oh, come on now! What?! Catherine: You are so pathetic. Eddie Willows: What?! What?! Catherine: Just so pathetic. Eddie Willows: Watch it, Cath. Catherine: Sucking up to our daughter 'cause I caught you robbing me. Eddie Willows: The only thing I ever robbed you of was good s*x. (EDDIE takes a step closer to CATHERINE. She scoffs at him.) Catherine: No s*x is worth you, and you are not taking my daughter to a club with one of your music whores. Eddie Willows: Oh, they're whores? When I met you, you were taking your clothes off in a strip club. Catherine: It was a job, Ed and it supported you, just like every job I've had including this one! (In the hallway, GRISSOM turns the corner and sees them. He watches them.) Eddie Willows: Yeah? And who paid to close up your nose? Catherine: You're such a bast...! (CATHERINE steps up and swings. EDDIE grabs her hand. She struggles.) Catherine: Let go of me. (He grabs her other hand and has CATHERINE up against the glass wall.) Eddie Willows: What?! (GRISSOM heads for them.) Eddie Willows: (mutters) I'll let go of you when I'm damn good and ... Grissom: Let go of her, Ed! (GRISSOM grabs EDDIE'S arm and pushes him off of CATHERINE.) Grissom: Catherine? Catherine: (upset) Just get him out of here. (CATHERINE walks away.) Grissom: I don't want to ever see you in this building again. This is our place of business. You understand that? Eddie Willows: I always knew you two had a thing. Grissom: Go home, Eddie. Eddie Willows: Sure. (EDDIE walks out of the hallway. GRISSOM turns to watch him go. Then he turns to look back in the other direction.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA and NICK work in the lab. SARA sings quietly to herself.) Sara: (singing softly) One way or another / I'm going to see you / ( hums ) / one day, maybe next week / I'm going to meet you, meet you / I will ... (NICK stops working on the jeans to look up and listen to SARA.) Nick: Hey, Sara, did anyone ever tell you, you have a pretty good singing voice? Sara: (retorts) If you like chalk on a board. Nick: Come on. I've heard you around here. People never tell you that? (SARA turns around and looks at NICK.) Sara: It's a-a habit. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Did you get that belt loop from the crime scene lined up yet? Nick: Yeah. Yeah. Take a look. (NICK steps aside to let SARA look through the magnifying glass. She matches the loop with the jeans. Camera zooms in for a close up.) Sara: Fits like a glove. Nick: Okay, let's go tell the boss. (SARA moves back to her table.) Sara: You go. I have something to do first. Nick: (worried) Hey, if you go near that Thorpe kid... (SARA turns around to look at NICK.) Sara: Excuse me? (NICK doesn't back down. He's still concerned.) Nick: I'm just saying ... Sara: (appreciative) It's something else. Promise. (SARA gathers her things and leaves the room. NICK watches her leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (CATHERINE and WARRICK report their findings to D.A. SAM GENTRY. He reads the report.) D.A. Sam Gentry: Wait a minute. Hastings was facing McCall, and McCall shot him in the back? You can't have it both ways, guys. A judge will laugh me out of court. (CATHERINE steps forward and stands behind the dummy.) Catherine: Well ... bear with us. (WARRICK steps forward to help CATHERINE illustrate what they've learned about the shooting.) Warrick: All right. I'm McCall. I have a gun. Catherine: I'm Hastings. I stab McCall in the right arm. (CATHERINE grabs the dummy's arm and moves it.) (Quick flashback to: The day of the shooting, CHUCKIE HASTINGS swings the screwdriver and stabs ROY MCCALL in the arm.) (Cut to: ROY MCCALL pushes HASTINGS off of him. HASTINGS falls backward to the ground.) Warrick: (V.O.) I push him back off. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: And Hastings charges again. This time he lunges at his midsection. (CATHERINE bends the dummy over to illustrate.) (Quick flashback to: HASTINGS charges MCCALL, butting his head into MCCALL'S stomach, pushing him back. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (WARRICK lifts his hands as if he's holding a gun and points it downward.) Warrick: I shoot. (Quick flashback to: MCCALL fires the first shot. HASTINGS goes down. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (D.A. SAM GENTRY takes a step forward.) Catherine: He shoots from two feet according to our firearms range test and the unburned powder on the victim's clothes. Warrick: And the bullet enters through the back even though we are facing each other and exits ... out the front. Catherine: The first shot is fired in self-defense. But then McCall shoots Hastings a second time. Now that shot ... (WARRICK illustrates by bringing his fingers downward toward the dummy.) Warrick: Boom. Catherine: ... Was not in self-defense. (Quick flashback to: HASTINGS is down on his knees and clutching his stomach. He's breathing hard. MCCALL fires a second time. HASTINGS falls to the ground.) (Cut to: MCCALL looks up and around. LAURIEANE HASTINGS walks out of the house and sees CHUCKIE on the ground. She starts screaming.) Laurieane Hastings: No! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: Chalk it up to adrenaline or revenge, but Hastings was already going down. There was no reason to shoot him a second time. D.A. Sam Gentry: I've got to say, I'm impressed. You two just put on quite a show. Think you can do it again at trial? Warrick: That's our job. Catherine: We'll see you in court, Sam. (The D.A. walks out of the garage.) Warrick: Hey, how's Linds? Catherine: Um, well, uh, she's with my sister. Hey, thanks for helping me out there. Warrick: Right. Catherine: I appreciate it. I ... Warrick: Catherine, you've got to get that divorce finalized, huh? (CATHERINE doesn't say anything. WARRICK picks up the dummy and leaves the garage.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY] (SARA walks into PAMELA ADLER'S room. She walks up to the bed, looking at PAM and sits down. She doesn't notice the man sitting in the chair in the darkened corner.) Sara: We caught him. If you hadn't pulled that belt loop we might never have found him, but ... you did good. (The man in the chair leans forward into the light.) Thomas Adler: You must be Sara. (SARA turns around.) Thomas Adler: The CSI who called me? (They stand up and shake hands.) Sara: Hi. Thomas Adler: I'm Tom. Uh ... Pam's husband. Thanks, uh, for all you've done. Sara: Sure. Oh, I wanted to give you this. I've been keeping it ... for Jane -- Pam, uh, until I found her family. (SARA gives THOMAS the medallion.) Thomas Adler: Thanks. (He looks over at PAM.) Sara: How are you doing? Thomas Adler: Okay, uh ... good. The doctor says Pammie's condition is stabilized. He was in an hour ago. He expects her to live. (SARA nods.) Says she's not going to die. Sara: (her smile freezes) That's great. That's-that's great. She's a real fighter, huh? Thomas Adler: Well, we're moving her to Haven View Center later this week. Do-do you know that facility? Sara: Yeah, I do ... know people who've gone there. They'll take real good care of her. Thomas Adler: Yeah. That's what the doctor said. (THOMAS wipes a tear away from his eye and sniffles.) Sara: I got to go. (SARA turns and heads for the door.) Thomas Adler: Well, um, uh ... come see us sometime. Sara: Definitely. Haven View. I'll be there. (he nods) Good luck. (SARA opens the door.) Thomas Adler: Good luck to you. (She leaves the room. The door shuts behind her. THOMAS turns back to look at PAM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (SARA walks out of the room and into the hallway. About mid-way through, she stops.) (After a moment, with tears in her eyes, she continues walking through the hallway and out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (SARA sits in GRISSOM'S office across the desk from him. She's quiet. He listens intently to her.) Sara: The husband doesn't get it. (She shakes her head and brushes a tear from her eye.) Sara: He's so happy she's going to live. He doesn't realize she's going to be in a vegetative state for the rest of her life. (her voice breaks) And that kid Thorpe ... is going to be out of juvie in 48 months. (whispers) It's not fair. (She wipes her eyes.) (GRISSOM takes a breath.) Grissom: It's the system. Sara: What kind of system rewards the suspect when the victim is too tough to die? (GRISSOM has no answer for her. SARA gets up from the chair, turns and heads for the door. GRISSOM stops her.) Grissom: Sara ... you got to learn to let this go or you're going to spend all your time in hospitals trying to help the people you couldn't save. Sara: I wish I was like you, Grissom. I wish I didn't feel anything. (SARA turns and leaves the office. The door closes behind her.) (GRISSOM turns away from the door and takes a deep breath.) Grissom: (exhales) Oh.

Sara gets emotionally involved when she, Grissom, and Nick investigate the case of a woman who is abducted from a parking garage and later turns up on a stretch of road, having been raped, shot and left for dead. Meanwhile Catherine and Warrick take over a case from one of the dayshift CSIs who has quit. The case involves a neighbor's dispute that led to murder. Not only has an important piece of evidence been lost, but the case goes to trial in four days.