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nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, I ate too much last night. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ooooh man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I had SO much food, Dromiceiomimus. I thought I'd be smart and cook enough food for lunch the next day, but then I ate it all. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] G-great? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ooooh man! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, here's a friendly tip: you shouldn't try to impress women by bragging about how much you can eat! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude! I wasn't trying to IMPRESS her; I was just relaying an amusing anecdote from my own recent history! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Amusing? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah, I ate a lot! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ha ha! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] YEARS LATER, A PARTY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, I thought I'd cook enough for the next day as well! [SPEAKER] WOMAN [LINE] I'm not impressed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, glasses are gonna cramp my style. |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, I ate too much last night. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ooooh man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I had SO much food, Dromiceiomimus. I thought I'd be smart and cook enough food for lunch the next day, but then I ate it all. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] G-great? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ooooh man! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, here's a friendly tip: you shouldn't try to impress women by bragging about how much you can eat! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude! I wasn't trying to IMPRESS her; I was just relaying an amusing anecdote from my own recent history! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Amusing? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah, I ate a lot! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ha ha! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] YEARS LATER, A PARTY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, I thought I'd cook enough for the next day as well! [SPEAKER] WOMAN [LINE] I'm not impressed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Not YET! But, allow me to continue... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] "FIFTY-TWO MOVIES IN FIFTY-TWO DAYS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I challenge myself to watch fifty-two movies in fifty-two days! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] FIFTY-TWO DAYS LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some of them were pretty okay, I guess. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *sigh* [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, YOU look like you're feeling a little disillusioned about film! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Good eye! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I am, a little! It wasn't the point of my experiment, but holy, there are SO MANY BAD MOVIES. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] There's so many bad everythings! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's true! My friend, have we become elitist snobs? Are we too good for anything? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You are attracted to everything ever. Sweet! Good luck, dude |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] "FIFTY-TWO MOVIES IN FIFTY-TWO DAYS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I challenge myself to watch fifty-two movies in fifty-two days! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] FIFTY-TWO DAYS LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some of them were pretty okay, I guess. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *sigh* [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, YOU look like you're feeling a little disillusioned about film! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Good eye! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I am, a little! It wasn't the point of my experiment, but holy, there are SO MANY BAD MOVIES. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] There's so many bad everythings! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's true! My friend, have we become elitist snobs? Are we too good for anything? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Have we - finally - become "too cool for school"? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Submit it to me, youngster! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And all the ladies proclaim that I'm quite adequate for a man of my racial denomination! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You are aware of the difficulty entailed in simply managing one's life today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The one whom we're considering is not popular, but he attempts to five off that air nonetheless. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] He may be unaware of certain pertinent pieces of information, and he may not be urbane... [SPEAKER] T-REX " UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But that which he does not possess, well, be assured that he substitutes for it in his own mind! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I find myself compelled to disagree! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Submit it to me, youngster! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And all the ladies proclaim that I'm quite adequate for a man of my racial denomination! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You are aware of the difficulty entailed in simply managing one's life today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The one whom we're considering is not popular, but he attempts to five off that air nonetheless. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] He may be unaware of certain pertinent pieces of information, and he may not be urbane... [SPEAKER] T-REX " UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But that which he does not possess, well, be assured that he substitutes for it in his own mind! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Attention! Attention! Engage that neoteric device! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have come up with the best science fiction story idea ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's about a man... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A man who can only see well when a light is turned on! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Most guys I know are like that, T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But this guy can only see ANYWHERE when a particular light is turned on! Even when he's outside of the room with the light! Even when he's on the BEACH. If the light switch is turned off, so too are his eyes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what's the hook? As science fiction, where's the thinly-veiled social allegory to our world? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Huh? There's no allegory. Just a twist at the end when we find out the whole thing was psychosomatic! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But then how would he know when the light is actually on? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's part of the fiction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Here are some |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have come up with the best science fiction story idea ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's about a man... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A man who can only see well when a light is turned on! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Most guys I know are like that, T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But this guy can only see ANYWHERE when a particular light is turned on! Even when he's outside of the room with the light! Even when he's on the BEACH. If the light switch is turned off, so too are his eyes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what's the hook? As science fiction, where's the thinly-veiled social allegory to our world? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Huh? There's no allegory. Just a twist at the end when we find out the whole thing was psychosomatic! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But then how would he know when the light is actually on? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's part of the fiction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The SCIENCE fiction!! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Here are some amusing observations about everyday life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] 1) Men stereotypically leave the toilet seat up! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] 2) Parking spaces can be rare. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] 3) Airplane food? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well... that's it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] The first of your "amusing observations" seems almost reverse sexist! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Explain! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, you're making jokes about men, but that's because they're the safe target! They're usually seen as having power in society. Would you make an equivalent joke about a woman? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sheesh, of course I would! I make jokes about whomever I please! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] OUR STORY TAKES A SUDDEN DIVE... INTO GRAMMATICAL SCRUTINY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] OR, absolutely the BEST thing ever?? |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Here are some amusing observations about everyday life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] 1) Men stereotypically leave the toilet seat up! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] 2) Parking spaces can be rare. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] 3) Airplane food? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well... that's it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] The first of your "amusing observations" seems almost reverse sexist! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Explain! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, you're making jokes about men, but that's because they're the safe target! They're usually seen as having power in society. Would you make an equivalent joke about a woman? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sheesh, of course I would! I make jokes about whomever I please! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] OUR STORY TAKES A SUDDEN DIVE... INTO GRAMMATICAL SCRUTINY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Is "whom" a necessary English construction? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today I believe in temporal presentism! Only the objects around me are real. They exist in space, but not in time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Neither the past nor the future actually exists! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Each moment is unique, and life is but series of moments, connected by our memories! We speak of events occurring in the past only as a matter of convenience. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So the past is an illusion, eh? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yep! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yet we're having a conversation and you remember what's going on! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aha, my friend! That's only because this present moment is predicated on past moments being as they were. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is a stupid theory! It doesn't get you anything! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It does explain why time travel isn't possible! You can't visit a past or future that doesn't exist! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Talking about it is what's |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today I believe in temporal presentism! Only the objects around me are real. They exist in space, but not in time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Neither the past nor the future actually exists! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Each moment is unique, and life is but series of moments, connected by our memories! We speak of events occurring in the past only as a matter of convenience. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So the past is an illusion, eh? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yep! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yet we're having a conversation and you remember what's going on! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aha, my friend! That's only because this present moment is predicated on past moments being as they were. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is a stupid theory! It doesn't get you anything! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It does explain why time travel isn't possible! You can't visit a past or future that doesn't exist! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Th- That's pretty much it! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is Valentine's day! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! Sucks to THAT! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe it to be a MANUFACTURED HOLIDAY. Last year it brought me nothing but trouble, so this year I am going out of my way to make sure that everyone knows they don't have to celebrate their love if they don't want to! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Isn't that kind of a jerky thing to do? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Perhaps! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] More than perhaps! Lots of people just use Valentine's day as an excuse for spending time with their sweeties, commercialism or not. Nothing ruins a romantic evening like a T-Rex barging in and calling it a corporate-sponsored fraud! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] IT'S TRUE: [SPEAKER] VOICE FROM OUTSIDE THE PANEL [LINE] You jerk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But what if I removed that desire for |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is Valentine's day! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! Sucks to THAT! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe it to be a MANUFACTURED HOLIDAY. Last year it brought me nothing but trouble, so this year I am going out of my way to make sure that everyone knows they don't have to celebrate their love if they don't want to! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Isn't that kind of a jerky thing to do? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Perhaps! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] More than perhaps! Lots of people just use Valentine's day as an excuse for spending time with their sweeties, commercialism or not. Nothing ruins a romantic evening like a T-Rex barging in and calling it a corporate-sponsored fraud! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] IT'S TRUE: [SPEAKER] VOICE FROM OUTSIDE THE PANEL [LINE] You jerk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You'll thank me when you share my politics! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I can't believe the Utahraptor thinks that T-Rexes are cute. I am not cute! My daily romps inspire fear in all who meet me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Fear! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus! Do you think me and my little green arms are cute, or do they rather inspire a chilling fear in your very SOUL? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Heh. I never noticed before, but they are kinda cute. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But look: I'm crushing a house! It is very frightening! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What could be more terrifying than being crushed by a T-Rex? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Being mauled by a Utahraptor? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm just sayin'. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THAT EVENING... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In fact, someone drew Dromiceiomimus and a house and a car in MY |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I can't believe the Utahraptor thinks that T-Rexes are cute. I am not cute! My daily romps inspire fear in all who meet me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Fear! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus! Do you think me and my little green arms are cute, or do they rather inspire a chilling fear in your very SOUL? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Heh. I never noticed before, but they are kinda cute. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But look: I'm crushing a house! It is very frightening! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What could be more terrifying than being crushed by a T-Rex? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Being mauled by a Utahraptor? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm just sayin'. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THAT EVENING... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Does no one realize that this is a very sensitive issue for me?! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SAD COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's true! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sometimes I get a little sad! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You wouldn't guess it from my rugged exterior, but beneath my tremendous frame beats the heart of a sensitive man. So sensitive! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, you're talking about how sensitive you are while simultaneously stomping on things! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, well - I realize that now, Utahraptor, and it makes me very Sad! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You don't look very sad to me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm sad on the inside! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Seriously, check it out: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Boo hoo hoo! Let's have a lengthy discussion about FEELINGS." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What about "Dogasaurus Rex"? |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SAD COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's true! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sometimes I get a little sad! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You wouldn't guess it from my rugged exterior, but beneath my tremendous frame beats the heart of a sensitive man. So sensitive! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, you're talking about how sensitive you are while simultaneously stomping on things! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, well - I realize that now, Utahraptor, and it makes me very Sad! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You don't look very sad to me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm sad on the inside! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Seriously, check it out: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Boo hoo hoo! Let's have a lengthy discussion about FEELINGS." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wooo! I'm talking the |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I sent an email to some dude today, and it came back with a verification message I had to reply to in order to prove I was "legit"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Stupid whitelist spam protection systems! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Huh? You don't like spam protection systems? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Not these ones! They're inherently flawed, assuming you ever want to hear from someone you don't already know. If two strangers have a whitelist system, then either they can never talk to each other, or they still get spam! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] They'll still get spam? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Of course! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because if verification emails can get through, then it won't be long until spammers send messages that look enough like them to also get through. There's still a hole! And if you seal it, you miss real verification emails. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I guess so. Anyway! Let's go play TOUCH FOOTBALL! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SOON: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] If the basement keeps on flooding, |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I sent an email to some dude today, and it came back with a verification message I had to reply to in order to prove I was "legit"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Stupid whitelist spam protection systems! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Huh? You don't like spam protection systems? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Not these ones! They're inherently flawed, assuming you ever want to hear from someone you don't already know. If two strangers have a whitelist system, then either they can never talk to each other, or they still get spam! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] They'll still get spam? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Of course! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because if verification emails can get through, then it won't be long until spammers send messages that look enough like them to also get through. There's still a hole! And if you seal it, you miss real verification emails. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I guess so. Anyway! Let's go play TOUCH FOOTBALL! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SOON: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm open! I'm open! I'm open! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, I'm still a little tired from last night! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Time to go and get some HEARTY MAN SLEEP! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] "Hearty man sleep"? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Damn straight Dromiceiomimus! I am recently ALL ABOUT adding "man" in front of things to make them sound all the more manly. You should see me man snooze! I man snooze with a pure MAN FURY. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Does this work for "woman" too? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Possibly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I definitely have no interest in finding out! All I want to do today is have lots of man naps and stomp on things with my stern man foot. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's your call, I guess! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR (NOT SEEN) [LINE] By the way, "man naps" sounds pretty suggestive! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know, but I can't figure out a way to stop that! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And yet, you must! ACTUALLY, "idiot" |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, I'm still a little tired from last night! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Time to go and get some HEARTY MAN SLEEP! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] "Hearty man sleep"? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Damn straight Dromiceiomimus! I am recently ALL ABOUT adding "man" in front of things to make them sound all the more manly. You should see me man snooze! I man snooze with a pure MAN FURY. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Does this work for "woman" too? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Possibly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I definitely have no interest in finding out! All I want to do today is have lots of man naps and stomp on things with my stern man foot. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's your call, I guess! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR (NOT SEEN) [LINE] By the way, "man naps" sounds pretty suggestive! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know, but I can't figure out a way to stop that! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I live with my man failings. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So what's the deal with... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...POST-COMMUNISM? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] You're going to have to define that for me, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's what comes after communism, I think. Basically, what's the deal with it? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You don't have any idea what post-communism is, do you T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I freely admit that I do not! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I ask: assuming it exists, what is its deal? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Are you really interested? Is this your way of showing interest? I could tell you all about it if you want. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Please! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SHORTLY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, come quick! I think I might be... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So what's the deal with... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...POST-COMMUNISM? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] You're going to have to define that for me, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's what comes after communism, I think. Basically, what's the deal with it? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You don't have any idea what post-communism is, do you T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I freely admit that I do not! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I ask: assuming it exists, what is its deal? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Are you really interested? Is this your way of showing interest? I could tell you all about it if you want. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Please! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SHORTLY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Really? No state has ever claimed to have |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Would it not be pretty neat to average out your emotional states across your entire life? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I bet I'd never be sad again! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But you'd never be happy again either! You'd probably be in this grey state of apathy for every second of the rest of your life! That doesn't sound appealing to me: always being out of sync with your friends, never knowing when to smile... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No way Dromiceiomimus! I bet that I would be on average at least KIND of happy. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But what if you ended up being sad? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sad? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, what if you ended up being sad? It would be so tragic, especially if you had been pretty happy up to now! You'd feel - and you'd KNOW - that one day it's all going to go horribly wrong. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That would be pretty awful, knowing that on the whole, your life is one of sadness! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] MEANWHILE, IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE THIS HAPPENED AND T-REX DIED IN A REALLY TERRIFYING WAY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] hhuuh [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Would it not be pretty neat to average out your emotional states across your entire life? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I bet I'd never be sad again! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But you'd never be happy again either! You'd probably be in this grey state of apathy for every second of the rest of your life! That doesn't sound appealing to me: always being out of sync with your friends, never knowing when to smile... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No way Dromiceiomimus! I bet that I would be on average at least KIND of happy. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But what if you ended up being sad? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sad? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, what if you ended up being sad? It would be so tragic, especially if you had been pretty happy up to now! You'd feel - and you'd KNOW - that one day it's all going to go horribly wrong. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That would be pretty awful, knowing that on the whole, your life is one of sadness! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] MEANWHILE, IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE THIS HAPPENED AND T-REX DIED IN A REALLY TERRIFYING WAY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] hhuuh [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Here are some bad things to say to someone who just broke up with his long-term girlfriend! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Wasn't she the best ever?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "I was always impressed with her wit, her beauty, her intelligence and her sense of humour." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "It's too bad you never go married, eh?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "I had a bit of a crush on her too! She was a cutie." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] "I bet shew was a good kisser, huh?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Was she a good kisser?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Do you remember kissing her?" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] "Was it nice?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Pretty nice?" "Are you worried that one day you'll forget what it was like?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? No, I never |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Here are some bad things to say to someone who just broke up with his long-term girlfriend! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Wasn't she the best ever?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "I was always impressed with her wit, her beauty, her intelligence and her sense of humour." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "It's too bad you never go married, eh?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "I had a bit of a crush on her too! She was a cutie." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] "I bet shew was a good kisser, huh?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Was she a good kisser?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Do you remember kissing her?" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] "Was it nice?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Pretty nice?" "Are you worried that one day you'll forget what it was like?" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Wouldn't that be sad?" |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is a good day I think for more SECRETS of the MEDICAL PROFESSION! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wooo! Secrets!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, you know how doctors will hit your knee with a hammer to test your reflexes? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Indeed I do! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] WELL! In some cases the patient will be too aware of what's going on, and the test won't work. In such cases the patient is asked to lock their hands togetehr and pull them in opposite directions. This distraction allows the test to succeed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe this is called the "Jendrassik Maneuver"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's a pretty sinister name! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You're telling me! What's neat about it, though, is that it's AUTOMATIC. Even if you're aware that it's a distraction, the Maneuver still works! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Really? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I sure am, and I'll YOU then! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is a good day I think for more SECRETS of the MEDICAL PROFESSION! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wooo! Secrets!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, you know how doctors will hit your knee with a hammer to test your reflexes? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Indeed I do! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] WELL! In some cases the patient will be too aware of what's going on, and the test won't work. In such cases the patient is asked to lock their hands togetehr and pull them in opposite directions. This distraction allows the test to succeed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe this is called the "Jendrassik Maneuver"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's a pretty sinister name! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You're telling me! What's neat about it, though, is that it's AUTOMATIC. Even if you're aware that it's a distraction, the Maneuver still works! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Really? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yep! It's a neurological distraction affecting the |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In order to make things easier for myself AND my peers, I am construction a personl Enemies of T-Rex List (Enemies List)! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Featuring: corporations! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] First on my list are the people who make those cans of frozen concentrated juice at the grocery store. When I open them, they sometimes explode a little juice on me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think it's because water expands when it's frozen and so the can is under pressure, and there's a little melted juice at the top? I don't know. But they're on the list! Also: 1970s American popular culture. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Listen T-Rex, are you really sure you want an Enemies List? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why wouldn't I? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well - it just doesn't seem very charitable, that's all. Plus, if you need a list to remember your enemies, maybe it's better if you just forgave and forgot? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I guess I just don't see what you gain by having such a list, much less a well-publicised one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yesterday I saw one of those mugs with a super cute drawing of |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In order to make things easier for myself AND my peers, I am construction a personl Enemies of T-Rex List (Enemies List)! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Featuring: corporations! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] First on my list are the people who make those cans of frozen concentrated juice at the grocery store. When I open them, they sometimes explode a little juice on me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think it's because water expands when it's frozen and so the can is under pressure, and there's a little melted juice at the top? I don't know. But they're on the list! Also: 1970s American popular culture. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Listen T-Rex, are you really sure you want an Enemies List? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why wouldn't I? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well - it just doesn't seem very charitable, that's all. Plus, if you need a list to remember your enemies, maybe it's better if you just forgave and forgot? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I guess I just don't see what you gain by having such a list, much less a well-publicised one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude! You're coming close to questioning the very IDEA of an enemies list! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Mary was a young girl, 15 years old, and desperately in love with her next door neighbour, Tom." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "It was three years before the Great War!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Tom sat on his porch in the cooling night. 'How do you do?' said Mary, curtseying slightly. 'Hullo Mary,' said Tom, 'How are your folks.' He raised his voice so slightly that it was not a question, but Mary didn't notice. She was wearing here prettiest dress, the one with the blue floral print that her mother had sewn for her on her birthday. Mary smiled." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What are you doing, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm writing a story! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a heartwarming story about two children growing up in a simpler time, a time when gender roles were clear and children played hopscotch on their way home from school! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wow, that's pr- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah, just kidding! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, did I get you? Did I get you? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I - I guess? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] More concretely: what can I do NOW that |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Mary was a young girl, 15 years old, and desperately in love with her next door neighbour, Tom." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "It was three years before the Great War!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Tom sat on his porch in the cooling night. 'How do you do?' said Mary, curtseying slightly. 'Hullo Mary,' said Tom, 'How are your folks.' He raised his voice so slightly that it was not a question, but Mary didn't notice. She was wearing here prettiest dress, the one with the blue floral print that her mother had sewn for her on her birthday. Mary smiled." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What are you doing, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm writing a story! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a heartwarming story about two children growing up in a simpler time, a time when gender roles were clear and children played hopscotch on their way home from school! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wow, that's pr- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah, just kidding! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, did I get you? Did I get you? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I - I guess? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What if I said I'm not really kidding? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've been thinking about gender roles! Is gender a social construct? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Or, does it refer specifically to the persuasion of one's naughty bits? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Well T-Rex, it can't be a purely biological construct, because there are people born intersexed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This is true! Plus, people's ideas of "masculine" and "feminine" change over time and across cultures. I don't think either a purely social OR biological explanation satisfies! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's a very tricky question, and one that many people feel strongly about! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Besides, even if we do assume that gender is some mixture of both societal and biological self, all that gets us is a murky combination of influences, predisposition and societal feedback that may be impossible to untangle. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey, let's try though! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] AMAZINGLY, T-REX AND UTAHRAPTOR SOLVE ALL POSSIBLE ISSUES OF GENDER... BETWEEN PANELS! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You the man, my friend! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, YOU the man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's my Emergency Resume, used |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've been thinking about gender roles! Is gender a social construct? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Or, does it refer specifically to the persuasion of one's naughty bits? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Well T-Rex, it can't be a purely biological construct, because there are people born intersexed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This is true! Plus, people's ideas of "masculine" and "feminine" change over time and across cultures. I don't think either a purely social OR biological explanation satisfies! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's a very tricky question, and one that many people feel strongly about! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Besides, even if we do assume that gender is some mixture of both societal and biological self, all that gets us is a murky combination of influences, predisposition and societal feedback that may be impossible to untangle. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey, let's try though! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] AMAZINGLY, T-REX AND UTAHRAPTOR SOLVE ALL POSSIBLE ISSUES OF GENDER... BETWEEN PANELS! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You the man, my friend! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, YOU the man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! How delightfully droll! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Alright, alright. Things I Need To Do Today: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Get dog food for my very angry dog! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Buy some food for me while I'm at it. Write a letter to my Grandmother whom I love dearly. Laundry! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sounds like you've got a lot of chores to take care of today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I do! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, but the Grandmother letter isn't a chore. I like writing letters, and especially letters to my Grandmother! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You're a good grandson! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know it! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT T-REX FORGETS TO WRITE FOR LIKE THREE MONTHS: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I cannot, for now I work |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Alright, alright. Things I Need To Do Today: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Get dog food for my very angry dog! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Buy some food for me while I'm at it. Write a letter to my Grandmother whom I love dearly. Laundry! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sounds like you've got a lot of chores to take care of today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I do! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, but the Grandmother letter isn't a chore. I like writing letters, and especially letters to my Grandmother! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You're a good grandson! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know it! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT T-REX FORGETS TO WRITE FOR LIKE THREE MONTHS: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I AM THE WORST GRANDSON EVER. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LOGICAL FALLACY COMICS: today's fallacy: "THE STRAW MAN" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The "Straw Man" fallacy isn't so much a fallacy as it is a way of life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In this fallacy, you present an altered version of your opponent's argument in order to make it appear absurd! You then tear apart this weaker, ridiculous argument and claim victory. Basically it can be summarized as "make stuff up and attribute it to your opponent"! Haha! EXCELLENT. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What? It's not excellent, T-Rex! It's bad argument technique! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] BUT, it's also a great way to win debates. And if anyone calls you on it, you just say "Come on. Your attack on me is the real straw man fallacy here; let's be serious." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But that's wrong! Oh man, remind me never to debate you on the internet EVER. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But not TOO much, because then they wouldn't be depressed |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LOGICAL FALLACY COMICS: today's fallacy: "THE STRAW MAN" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The "Straw Man" fallacy isn't so much a fallacy as it is a way of life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In this fallacy, you present an altered version of your opponent's argument in order to make it appear absurd! You then tear apart this weaker, ridiculous argument and claim victory. Basically it can be summarized as "make stuff up and attribute it to your opponent"! Haha! EXCELLENT. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What? It's not excellent, T-Rex! It's bad argument technique! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] BUT, it's also a great way to win debates. And if anyone calls you on it, you just say "Come on. Your attack on me is the real straw man fallacy here; let's be serious." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But that's wrong! Oh man, remind me never to debate you on the internet EVER. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah! Hey how did you know I use the internet? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMPRESSED THESIS COMICS: today's thesis: "Computational Measures of the Acceptability of Light Verb Constructions" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Light verb constructions (LVCs) are constructions like "take a stroll" and "give a smile"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They are formed by combining a light verb (such as "take" and "give") with a complement ("stroll", "smile"). Most of the meaning of a (non-idiomatic) LVC comes from the complement ("stroll" and "smile"). [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Amazing! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But aren't some LVCs more acceptable than others? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, this is true! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It would be really nice to be able to measure that computationally. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure would! Hmm, I wonder if statistical measures of association would correlate well with human judgement of construction acceptability? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TWO YEARS LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, I'm perfectly content! |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMPRESSED THESIS COMICS: today's thesis: "Computational Measures of the Acceptability of Light Verb Constructions" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Light verb constructions (LVCs) are constructions like "take a stroll" and "give a smile"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They are formed by combining a light verb (such as "take" and "give") with a complement ("stroll", "smile"). Most of the meaning of a (non-idiomatic) LVC comes from the complement ("stroll" and "smile"). [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Amazing! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But aren't some LVCs more acceptable than others? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, this is true! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It would be really nice to be able to measure that computationally. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure would! Hmm, I wonder if statistical measures of association would correlate well with human judgement of construction acceptability? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TWO YEARS LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hot crackers! They DO! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People are always like, "Boo hoo hoo! I'm not motivated!" Well, not anymore! Not since I, T-Rex, have decided to become... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ... a motivational speaker! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It'll be fantastic, Dromiceiomimus! I will motivate through a combination of folk wisdom and "uncommon sense" advice couched in clever stock market analogies! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Sounds great? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sounds MOTIVATIONAL! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't think the world needs what you are offering, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Think positive, friend! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, really! I don't know anyone who's ever been motivated by an insincere catch phrase. I think you need to get back to basics, if you're serious about this! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Basics, eh? Hmm... [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Excuse me! Unmotivated people? I'm T-Rex, your motivational speaker! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah, but what if you finally get that job, and it's not all |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People are always like, "Boo hoo hoo! I'm not motivated!" Well, not anymore! Not since I, T-Rex, have decided to become... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ... a motivational speaker! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It'll be fantastic, Dromiceiomimus! I will motivate through a combination of folk wisdom and "uncommon sense" advice couched in clever stock market analogies! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Sounds great? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sounds MOTIVATIONAL! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't think the world needs what you are offering, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Think positive, friend! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, really! I don't know anyone who's ever been motivated by an insincere catch phrase. I think you need to get back to basics, if you're serious about this! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Basics, eh? Hmm... [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Excuse me! Unmotivated people? I'm T-Rex, your motivational speaker! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So! Has anyone here ever tried setting goals, and then achieving those goals? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, throughout time, people have spent their youth learning, and the time after that applying what they've learned. Not a bad system! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ... For a first try! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The problem is that we're spending longer and longer studyin. If you do a PhD, you could be 30 years old when you graduate! And since there's so much to know about the world, people are forced to specialize. Even at 30, there just isn't enough time to learn it all! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's a necessary tradeoff! Millions of people specialize and make tiny contributions to knowledge. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's true! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But what if it didn't have to be that way? If we lived forever, we could learn so much! We could make connections between completely unrelated fields. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is true, but the older generation would always remain! If they became stuck in their ways, they might inhibit progress instead of helping. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] MEANWHILE, IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE NOBODY EVER DIES: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure, borrow my four-seater rocket car whenever you want! [SPEAKER] PERSON [LINE] Thanks man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I CREATED THE SENTENCE. IT'S FINE. |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, throughout time, people have spent their youth learning, and the time after that applying what they've learned. Not a bad system! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ... For a first try! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The problem is that we're spending longer and longer studyin. If you do a PhD, you could be 30 years old when you graduate! And since there's so much to know about the world, people are forced to specialize. Even at 30, there just isn't enough time to learn it all! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's a necessary tradeoff! Millions of people specialize and make tiny contributions to knowledge. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's true! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But what if it didn't have to be that way? If we lived forever, we could learn so much! We could make connections between completely unrelated fields. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is true, but the older generation would always remain! If they became stuck in their ways, they might inhibit progress instead of helping. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] MEANWHILE, IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE NOBODY EVER DIES: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure, borrow my four-seater rocket car whenever you want! [SPEAKER] PERSON [LINE] Thanks man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! I'm totally glad I |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So I went for a walk last night before bed, simply because I wasn't tired yet and had nothing to do. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] True story! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] After walking for a bit, I found myself in a 24-hour grocery store! Why? I didn't need any groceries. I guess I just found the bright lights and the prospect of buying snacks enticing! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Did you get anything? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, just some chips and a drink. I didn't need either of them! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So are you concerned, T-Rex, that going shopping was your default activity? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And shopping for food that I didn't even need, no less. I suspect that the symbolism of this at both a personal and societal level is pretty damning! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] "Western man gets bored, goes and buys food he doesn't need." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Exactly! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT A FEW EVENINGS LATER T-REX DOES THE EXACT SAME THING! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No wonder all the sexy babes were |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So I went for a walk last night before bed, simply because I wasn't tired yet and had nothing to do. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] True story! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] After walking for a bit, I found myself in a 24-hour grocery store! Why? I didn't need any groceries. I guess I just found the bright lights and the prospect of buying snacks enticing! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Did you get anything? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, just some chips and a drink. I didn't need either of them! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So are you concerned, T-Rex, that going shopping was your default activity? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah man! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And shopping for food that I didn't even need, no less. I suspect that the symbolism of this at both a personal and societal level is pretty damning! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] "Western man gets bored, goes and buys food he doesn't need." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Exactly! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT A FEW EVENINGS LATER T-REX DOES THE EXACT SAME THING! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, whatever! These chips are overwhelmingly delicious! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have discovered the secret of being totally famous! I will now share this secret. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The secret is to be CONTROVERSIAL! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That way, everyone is talking and thinking about you.You become famous simpy from holding a contested opinion! And the best part is yuo don't actually HAVE to hold the opinion, you just have to say you do. It's so easy! Dromiceiomimus, what are your thoughts on gay marriage and prohibition? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Prohibition? Why prohi- [SPEAKER] T=REX [LINE] I DISAGREE!! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wow, people are going to think you're an ass! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A CONTROVERSIAL ass, though! Of fame! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, not really! It's annoying, insincere, and unattractive! Nobody likes someone who is controversial just for the attention. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe they do! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TURNS OUT THEY DON'T: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] One of the great myths |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have discovered the secret of being totally famous! I will now share this secret. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The secret is to be CONTROVERSIAL! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That way, everyone is talking and thinking about you.You become famous simpy from holding a contested opinion! And the best part is yuo don't actually HAVE to hold the opinion, you just have to say you do. It's so easy! Dromiceiomimus, what are your thoughts on gay marriage and prohibition? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Prohibition? Why prohi- [SPEAKER] T=REX [LINE] I DISAGREE!! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wow, people are going to think you're an ass! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A CONTROVERSIAL ass, though! Of fame! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, not really! It's annoying, insincere, and unattractive! Nobody likes someone who is controversial just for the attention. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe they do! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TURNS OUT THEY DON'T: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, that's it for me! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Isn't it CRAZY how young some people are when they get married? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's CRAZY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My parents were only twenty when they got married. Twenty! I was nowhere near marriage material at twenty. I was and still am a loose cannon! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Maybe they just found the right person? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Twenty, though! You're almost still a teenager at that age! A baby! How do you know enough to get married? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I think that marriage is a very personal thing, T-rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, yeah! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, really! It's an expression of love, which is almost by definition inexpressible to someone else. Marrying young probably just seems crazy to you because you didn't meet the right person at that age! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So it's essentially unknowable to me unless I had married at that age myself...Hmm... [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] ANYWAY, T-REX GOES BACK IN TIME TO WHEN HE WAS 20, FINDS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE, AND MARRIES HER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Kick ass! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, maybe the magazine will pique |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Isn't it CRAZY how young some people are when they get married? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's CRAZY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My parents were only twenty when they got married. Twenty! I was nowhere near marriage material at twenty. I was and still am a loose cannon! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Maybe they just found the right person? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Twenty, though! You're almost still a teenager at that age! A baby! How do you know enough to get married? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I think that marriage is a very personal thing, T-rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, yeah! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, really! It's an expression of love, which is almost by definition inexpressible to someone else. Marrying young probably just seems crazy to you because you didn't meet the right person at that age! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So it's essentially unknowable to me unless I had married at that age myself...Hmm... [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] ANYWAY, T-REX GOES BACK IN TIME TO WHEN HE WAS 20, FINDS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE, AND MARRIES HER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Kick ass! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So THAT'S what that feels like! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have a friend, of my own age, who is having a relationship - the only word for it is "affair" - with a woman who is engaged to be married! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's time for... [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] ADULTEROUS AFFAIRS COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It kind of came out of nowhere... she is into him and he is into her, so where's the problem? What's the big deal about polygamy? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The problem of course is the fianc?, who (as I understand it) does not support his wife-to-be sleeping around with another man. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Further complications: both men look the same! It's a little weird. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How am I to advise this friend - should he break it off? Should he let the woman make her own decisions? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hmm! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I didn't realize such situations occurred in real life... a young woman, engaged to be married to an older man, meets a dynamic young one and falls in love! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, it's a hackneyed situation, but one which all involved are living, as we speak! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey, wait! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come back! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] UTAHRAPTOR! What are you doing here? |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have a friend, of my own age, who is having a relationship - the only word for it is "affair" - with a woman who is engaged to be married! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's time for... [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] ADULTEROUS AFFAIRS COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It kind of came out of nowhere... she is into him and he is into her, so where's the problem? What's the big deal about polygamy? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The problem of course is the fianc?, who (as I understand it) does not support his wife-to-be sleeping around with another man. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Further complications: both men look the same! It's a little weird. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How am I to advise this friend - should he break it off? Should he let the woman make her own decisions? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hmm! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I didn't realize such situations occurred in real life... a young woman, engaged to be married to an older man, meets a dynamic young one and falls in love! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, it's a hackneyed situation, but one which all involved are living, as we speak! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey, wait! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come back! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] YOU FORGOT TO GIVE ME THE |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] "HOW TO LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE" [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] featuring [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TALKING DINOSAURS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Many people wish to know how live a meaningful life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] These people include newborn babies, youth, mature young adults, disenchanted middle-agers, executives - heck, even your own next-door neighbour may be secretely [sic] interested in living a meaningful life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some say dedicating your life to helping others is the key. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That sounds like a good start! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] However, these people are WRONG. The only way to truly live a meaningful life is to engage in sexual congress with a large number of partners! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Seriously, what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah, okay, you got me! I was just fooling. Good one though, eh? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Doesn't he know he's damaging |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] "HOW TO LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE" [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] featuring [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TALKING DINOSAURS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Many people wish to know how live a meaningful life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] These people include newborn babies, youth, mature young adults, disenchanted middle-agers, executives - heck, even your own next-door neighbour may be secretely [sic] interested in living a meaningful life! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some say dedicating your life to helping others is the key. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That sounds like a good start! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] However, these people are WRONG. The only way to truly live a meaningful life is to engage in sexual congress with a large number of partners! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Seriously, what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah, okay, you got me! I was just fooling. Good one though, eh? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Seriously, helping others is alright |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have a question that I can ask all my friends! The question is, "would you rather kiss a music student, or a psychology student?". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hee hee! I am the best friend to have ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus! Listen, I have a question for you: would you rather kiss a music student, or a psychology student? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] A psychology student, I guess! That's just because I don't really know any music students, though. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How INTERESTING. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what's the deal here, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The deal? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah - is it like, a music student would have good rhythm or something, while a psychology student would know exactly what you want in a smooch? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? No, of course not! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You can't apply broad generalizations to heterogeneous groups. Each person has their unique properties and outlook on life. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah you do! The bear with the |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have a question that I can ask all my friends! The question is, "would you rather kiss a music student, or a psychology student?". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hee hee! I am the best friend to have ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus! Listen, I have a question for you: would you rather kiss a music student, or a psychology student? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] A psychology student, I guess! That's just because I don't really know any music students, though. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How INTERESTING. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what's the deal here, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The deal? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah - is it like, a music student would have good rhythm or something, while a psychology student would know exactly what you want in a smooch? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? No, of course not! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You can't apply broad generalizations to heterogeneous groups. Each person has their unique properties and outlook on life. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude! Good thing I was around, eh? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have made another exciting music-themed discovery: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Any song can have its lyrics replaced with variations on the word "chimichangas"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For example: "Chim chimi chang chim chimi chang chimichangas!" [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I - I don't recognize that song. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come on! Everyone knows it. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is one weaksauce discovery, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You wound me! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, sorry! But come on, this is just a variation on scat, only for some reason you're limiting yourself to a single Mexican food. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] it works really well with songs from Mary Poppins [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] EARLIER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So - dating ex-girlfriends? |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have made another exciting music-themed discovery: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Any song can have its lyrics replaced with variations on the word "chimichangas"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For example: "Chim chimi chang chim chimi chang chimichangas!" [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I - I don't recognize that song. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come on! Everyone knows it. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is one weaksauce discovery, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You wound me! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, sorry! But come on, this is just a variation on scat, only for some reason you're limiting yourself to a single Mexican food. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] it works really well with songs from Mary Poppins [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] EARLIER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What a delightful film! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, I'm amazing! I'm a machine that turns FOOD into IDEAS! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "MAN, I"M AMAZING." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm a machine that turns chicken wings into things being stomped on. I turn a who friggen' bag of chips into new ideas about gender relations! What other new creation (besides the dinosaurs, OF COURSE) can turn physical things into abstract ideas? I'm totally great! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, you're forgetting about Babbage engines! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Shoot, I am! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Though they never advanced beyond the prototype stage, his engines were some of the first machines that transformed physical labour (turning a crank) into mental labour (summing two numbers). It was a revolutionary idea! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Exactly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And yet - bag of chips! Gender relations! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Now we're gonna have to use our cleverness because it's |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, I'm amazing! I'm a machine that turns FOOD into IDEAS! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "MAN, I"M AMAZING." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm a machine that turns chicken wings into things being stomped on. I turn a who friggen' bag of chips into new ideas about gender relations! What other new creation (besides the dinosaurs, OF COURSE) can turn physical things into abstract ideas? I'm totally great! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, you're forgetting about Babbage engines! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Shoot, I am! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Though they never advanced beyond the prototype stage, his engines were some of the first machines that transformed physical labour (turning a crank) into mental labour (summing two numbers). It was a revolutionary idea! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Exactly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And yet - bag of chips! Gender relations! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I could probably turn all-you-can-eat ribs into a freakin' aria! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX THE TALKING DINOSAUR IN [LINE] [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Self-doubt! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] While it can occasionally help us re-evaluate bad ideas, it can also be crippling. People who are too self-doubting can become (figuratively) [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Why all this talk about self-doubt, T-Rex? Are YOU self-doubting? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah, of course not! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Besides, if I was, it would be self-skepticism, not self-doubt. Doubt can be irrational and unfounded, but skepticism relies on a critical evaluation of the facts at hand, and an informed judgment of their merit. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hah! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No, but I don't have any doubt in myself, see? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] T-Rex rules the schools! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's not THAT weird, is |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX THE TALKING DINOSAUR IN [LINE] [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Self-doubt! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] While it can occasionally help us re-evaluate bad ideas, it can also be crippling. People who are too self-doubting can become (figuratively) [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Why all this talk about self-doubt, T-Rex? Are YOU self-doubting? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah, of course not! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Besides, if I was, it would be self-skepticism, not self-doubt. Doubt can be irrational and unfounded, but skepticism relies on a critical evaluation of the facts at hand, and an informed judgment of their merit. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hah! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No, but I don't have any doubt in myself, see? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] T-Rex rules the schools! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I cannot stress this enough!! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Unlike SOME people, I like it when I have a dumb song stuck in my head! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dayyyy o! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Me say dayyy o! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Daylight come and me wan' go home! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come Mr. Tally Man, tally me banana! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Aw, T-Rex! Now I'll have that song stuck in my head ALL DAY. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Daylight come and me wan' go home! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Day! Me say day me say day me say dayyyyyy o! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex! Cut it out! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You've got a song stuck in your head, great. FANTASTIC. But the rest of us don't need to hear it, okay? You can keep SOME things to yourself. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] W- Okay! Okay! Sheesh. Now I'm in a bad mood, thanks to you. Satisfied? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Awesome! I get to |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Unlike SOME people, I like it when I have a dumb song stuck in my head! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dayyyy o! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Me say dayyy o! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Daylight come and me wan' go home! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come Mr. Tally Man, tally me banana! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Aw, T-Rex! Now I'll have that song stuck in my head ALL DAY. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Daylight come and me wan' go home! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Day! Me say day me say day me say dayyyyyy o! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex! Cut it out! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You've got a song stuck in your head, great. FANTASTIC. But the rest of us don't need to hear it, okay? You can keep SOME things to yourself. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] W- Okay! Okay! Sheesh. Now I'm in a bad mood, thanks to you. Satisfied? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] {{small text}} dayyyyyyy o |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: PROGRAMMING ADVICE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Are you having trouble programming your computer? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let me give you a few pointers! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Ooh, ouch. Was that a bad pun? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was an... indirect reference? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I suspect that these are all bad puns! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Don't worry - they're the least significant bit of my speech. Oh ho! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] JOKES EXPLAINED: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Aren't pointers programming tools, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They are! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They allow one to reference the address of data, instead of the data itself. It's like how knowing someone's phone number lets you get in touch with them personally! Hence the delightful "indirect reference" pun. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I too think these are pretty awful. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CONCLUSION: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, do you |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: PROGRAMMING ADVICE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Are you having trouble programming your computer? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let me give you a few pointers! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Ooh, ouch. Was that a bad pun? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was an... indirect reference? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I suspect that these are all bad puns! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Don't worry - they're the least significant bit of my speech. Oh ho! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] JOKES EXPLAINED: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Aren't pointers programming tools, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They are! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They allow one to reference the address of data, instead of the data itself. It's like how knowing someone's phone number lets you get in touch with them personally! Hence the delightful "indirect reference" pun. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I too think these are pretty awful. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CONCLUSION: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Everyone! Program harder!! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We can only imagine what it must have been like - [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] the conversation! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] - during that time period. In one place were gathered the T-Rex, Utahraptor, and Dromiceiomimus - together, in one location, the greatest minds of our time. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "I recall we talked about T-Rex a lot," Utahraptor once famously remarked. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What's up? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm working on a group biography about us! But get this: I'm going to bury it when it's finished, so when it's discovered, it will be published for SURE. It'll be historical! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Of course! I should have guessed THAT'S what you'd be doing with your time today. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I can be mind controlled by smelly enemies. I'm a danger to myself and everyone I know! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We can only imagine what it must have been like - [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] the conversation! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] - during that time period. In one place were gathered the T-Rex, Utahraptor, and Dromiceiomimus - together, in one location, the greatest minds of our time. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "I recall we talked about T-Rex a lot," Utahraptor once famously remarked. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What's up? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm working on a group biography about us! But get this: I'm going to bury it when it's finished, so when it's discovered, it will be published for SURE. It'll be historical! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Of course! I should have guessed THAT'S what you'd be doing with your time today. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] History does not record, unfortunately, what must have been a stellar retort on the part of T-Rex. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE ETYMOLOGY OF THE WORD "WOMAN" - IN COMIC FORM! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Many people believe "woman" is a sexist term, due to its apparent base in the word "man"! This has led to crazy alternative spellings like "womyn" and even "wimmen". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] However, this is not the case! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The word originally derives from the old English "wifmann", where "wif" meant "female" and "mann" meant a person of either sex: thus, a female human! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Man didn't mean male? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! It derives from the Latin "humanus" (earthling), from "humus" (earth, soil)! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And while "wif" meant female, "wer" meant male! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Exactly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We can still see this today in words like "werewolf", which means, literally, a manwolf. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So "werewolf" is actually a more sexist word than "woman"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] According to me: yes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This is why I spell the word "wheirwolf", and why I ask that you do the same! You wouldn't want to be SEXIST, would you? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't really see h- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I had a friend once who joined |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE ETYMOLOGY OF THE WORD "WOMAN" - IN COMIC FORM! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Many people believe "woman" is a sexist term, due to its apparent base in the word "man"! This has led to crazy alternative spellings like "womyn" and even "wimmen". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] However, this is not the case! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The word originally derives from the old English "wifmann", where "wif" meant "female" and "mann" meant a person of either sex: thus, a female human! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Man didn't mean male? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! It derives from the Latin "humanus" (earthling), from "humus" (earth, soil)! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And while "wif" meant female, "wer" meant male! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Exactly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We can still see this today in words like "werewolf", which means, literally, a manwolf. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So "werewolf" is actually a more sexist word than "woman"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] According to me: yes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This is why I spell the word "wheirwolf", and why I ask that you do the same! You wouldn't want to be SEXIST, would you? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't really see h- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You'd also be respecting my unique worldview! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People who cut me off on the road are usually taxi drivers. The two acidents I've had have both been hit and runs where I'm the one hit, and they've both been with taxis. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think I'm becoming racist against taxi drivers! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I don't think it's called racism if it's against a heterogenous group like taxi drivers, T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nevertheless, it's the same emotion, the same irrational distaste! I don't know what else to call it! I'm PREJUDICED. It's terrible! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So if you were throwing a party, would you invite a taxi driver? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Of course I would! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I jsut wouldn't like it if they showed up in my living room in their cab, that's all. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So you only dislike taxi drivers when they're driving taxis? Maybe you just hate the game, but not the player! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey, I got my pictures developed, by the way! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People who cut me off on the road are usually taxi drivers. The two acidents I've had have both been hit and runs where I'm the one hit, and they've both been with taxis. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think I'm becoming racist against taxi drivers! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I don't think it's called racism if it's against a heterogenous group like taxi drivers, T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nevertheless, it's the same emotion, the same irrational distaste! I don't know what else to call it! I'm PREJUDICED. It's terrible! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So if you were throwing a party, would you invite a taxi driver? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Of course I would! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I jsut wouldn't like it if they showed up in my living room in their cab, that's all. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So you only dislike taxi drivers when they're driving taxis? Maybe you just hate the game, but not the player! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In other news, I'm now also racist against that |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, if I were sent back in time 200 years, I could easily make myself into a serious king by "inventing" things two hundred years too early! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Easily! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I couldn't invent penicillin because I don't know what mold is used, but I could do stuff with electricity! Like... magnetically levitated trains? Oooh, and electric fly swatters! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I could approximate some great works of fiction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] With our powers combined, we'd be unstoppable! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm not really sure that I could invent anything useful, though! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why not? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't have much of a great mechanical understanding. could I design and build an internal combustion engine? The answer is no. ALTHOUGH, come to think of it, I could invent modern foods like chips and poutine! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] At the instant you were born, you were the absolute pinnacle of our planet's development! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, if I were sent back in time 200 years, I could easily make myself into a serious king by "inventing" things two hundred years too early! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Easily! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I couldn't invent penicillin because I don't know what mold is used, but I could do stuff with electricity! Like... magnetically levitated trains? Oooh, and electric fly swatters! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I could approximate some great works of fiction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] With our powers combined, we'd be unstoppable! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm not really sure that I could invent anything useful, though! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why not? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't have much of a great mechanical understanding. could I design and build an internal combustion engine? The answer is no. ALTHOUGH, come to think of it, I could invent modern foods like chips and poutine! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We could also invent women's rights, and then totally take all the credit for it! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hot enough for you? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] IS IT ADJECTIVE ENOUGH FOR YOU?? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] JOKES NOBODY NEED EVER MAKE AGAIN COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oooh, and that one in which, after stumbling, one is advised to have a nice trip, and offered hope of a reunion come autumn! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, how's the weather up there, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aggravating! Thanks!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also, these martinis are more like marTINIES! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I see. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ho ho! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let's see! Hours of unpaid labour, |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hot enough for you? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] IS IT ADJECTIVE ENOUGH FOR YOU?? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] JOKES NOBODY NEED EVER MAKE AGAIN COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oooh, and that one in which, after stumbling, one is advised to have a nice trip, and offered hope of a reunion come autumn! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, how's the weather up there, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aggravating! Thanks!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also, these martinis are more like marTINIES! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I see. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ho ho! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (I actually REALLY like that one!) |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, it sure has been a long December! Maybe this year will be better than the last. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The days sure do go by so fast! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey Dromiceiomimus, do you think that I could be forgiven? I wish you would! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Aw no, not this again. Come on T-Rex, passing off lyrics as conversations ONLY AMUSES YOURSELF. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I-is that a light attaching to you? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Anyway, I guess It's just one more day up in the canyons for me! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Boo on you, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? Dude it's been so long since I've seen the ocean. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Man, nobody wants to hear "A Long December" by Counting Crows passed off as conversation. Yes, that's right! I've heard the song before! I recognize your CONVERSATIONAL PLAGIARISM. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a song?! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well! I suppose that's fair. I |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, it sure has been a long December! Maybe this year will be better than the last. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The days sure do go by so fast! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey Dromiceiomimus, do you think that I could be forgiven? I wish you would! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Aw no, not this again. Come on T-Rex, passing off lyrics as conversations ONLY AMUSES YOURSELF. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I-is that a light attaching to you? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Anyway, I guess It's just one more day up in the canyons for me! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Boo on you, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? Dude it's been so long since I've seen the ocean. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Man, nobody wants to hear "A Long December" by Counting Crows passed off as conversation. Yes, that's right! I've heard the song before! I recognize your CONVERSATIONAL PLAGIARISM. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a song?! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Holy shit, what are the odds? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] There are some people who identify not as gay or straight or bisexual or what have you, but rather as asexual. I find this really interesting! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It must be so different! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some don't find themselves sexually attracted to anyone, while others do, but find all they want in friendship and have no desire to add kissing to the mix. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] And you find this interesting? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I do, because it's so far removed from my own experience. I'm ALL ABOUT adding kissing to the mix! It's what I do best! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Have you ever met any asexual people, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's just - I can't get over the feeling that you're treating asexuality like an amusing trinket rather than a real sexual orientation. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well - it's a fine line! I'm not asexual myself, so there's a distance between myself and the material. But I am trying. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX DECIDES NOT TO KISS ANYONE FOR A MONTH TO SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I feel - fine! Focused! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What if I want bananas though? |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] There are some people who identify not as gay or straight or bisexual or what have you, but rather as asexual. I find this really interesting! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It must be so different! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some don't find themselves sexually attracted to anyone, while others do, but find all they want in friendship and have no desire to add kissing to the mix. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] And you find this interesting? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I do, because it's so far removed from my own experience. I'm ALL ABOUT adding kissing to the mix! It's what I do best! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Have you ever met any asexual people, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's just - I can't get over the feeling that you're treating asexuality like an amusing trinket rather than a real sexual orientation. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well - it's a fine line! I'm not asexual myself, so there's a distance between myself and the material. But I am trying. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX DECIDES NOT TO KISS ANYONE FOR A MONTH TO SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I feel - fine! Focused! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Heck, I probably wasn't going to |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's not often you can see how language is evolving, but you can totally see it today with make and female nouns. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's the coolest! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some pairs (like "prince" and "princess' are complete accepted, while others (like teacher and "teacheress") seem insanely sexist and out of date. It depends on the word! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Female teachers used to be called "teacheresses"? That's so bizarre! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! But maybe one day people will think that about "princesses". Or MAYBE they'll wonder how we got by without the word "astronautrix"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The coolest of all these words, though, are clearly those on the threshold of acceptability. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Such as? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, "actress" and "stewardess", I guess - words which some people will use without hesistation, but which others will call sexist. There's no consensus! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, I can see the use of "actress", because the gender of the person affects what roles they can play. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Looks like you've come down on the side of "gendered professional nouns have their occasional uses"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Looks like! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] T- That's cool, man. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] With new understandings coming |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's not often you can see how language is evolving, but you can totally see it today with make and female nouns. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's the coolest! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Some pairs (like "prince" and "princess' are complete accepted, while others (like teacher and "teacheress") seem insanely sexist and out of date. It depends on the word! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Female teachers used to be called "teacheresses"? That's so bizarre! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! But maybe one day people will think that about "princesses". Or MAYBE they'll wonder how we got by without the word "astronautrix"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The coolest of all these words, though, are clearly those on the threshold of acceptability. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Such as? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, "actress" and "stewardess", I guess - words which some people will use without hesistation, but which others will call sexist. There's no consensus! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, I can see the use of "actress", because the gender of the person affects what roles they can play. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Looks like you've come down on the side of "gendered professional nouns have their occasional uses"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Looks like! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] T- That's cool, man. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Are we still friends? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I find age of consent laws pretty interesting because, for something so basic, they sure vary a lot from place to place! Again, they're something for which there is no consensus. Is that a pun? Consensus? That wasn't meant to be a pun. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ANYWAY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Most people agree that a 26-year-old should be able to consent to sex, while a child should be protected from sexual predators, but where we legally draw that line is contentious! Some places allow 12-year-olds to consent to sex, while others believe that even people in their early twenties are unable to give knowledgeable consent to the INTERCOURSE. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is a pretty dangerous topic, isn't it? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dangerous how? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, isn't this one of those topics that you'd talk about with friends in private, but not while out in a public place? You don't want people to think you're a PEDOPHILE. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? I haven't mentioned anything that would make people say that! I'm talking about legal ages of consent! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Though... why would I be talking about this if I wasn't a pedophile? Ah, yes. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They freak me right the heck |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I find age of consent laws pretty interesting because, for something so basic, they sure vary a lot from place to place! Again, they're something for which there is no consensus. Is that a pun? Consensus? That wasn't meant to be a pun. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ANYWAY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Most people agree that a 26-year-old should be able to consent to sex, while a child should be protected from sexual predators, but where we legally draw that line is contentious! Some places allow 12-year-olds to consent to sex, while others believe that even people in their early twenties are unable to give knowledgeable consent to the INTERCOURSE. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is a pretty dangerous topic, isn't it? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dangerous how? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, isn't this one of those topics that you'd talk about with friends in private, but not while out in a public place? You don't want people to think you're a PEDOPHILE. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? I haven't mentioned anything that would make people say that! I'm talking about legal ages of consent! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Though... why would I be talking about this if I wasn't a pedophile? Ah, yes. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well played, my friend! Well played! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder what's bothering the Utahraptor? He totally "wigged out" on me yesterday. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What a great expression! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Did you hear? The Utahraptor totally "wigged out" on me yesterday! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] He "wigged out"? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] He totally did! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yesterday! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yesterday, he "wigged out"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Stop it, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How long have you been standing there? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Long enough! Look, about yesterday: I'm sorry I said what I did. I've just been a little stressed lately. Also, stop saying "wigged out". I know you like it, but it really annoys me. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aw diggity damn! Somehow |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder what's bothering the Utahraptor? He totally "wigged out" on me yesterday. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What a great expression! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Did you hear? The Utahraptor totally "wigged out" on me yesterday! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] He "wigged out"? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] He totally did! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yesterday! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yesterday, he "wigged out"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Stop it, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How long have you been standing there? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Long enough! Look, about yesterday: I'm sorry I said what I did. I've just been a little stressed lately. Also, stop saying "wigged out". I know you like it, but it really annoys me. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Don't make me choose! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I had the coolest dream last night. BATMAN was in it! And ZOMBIES! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was entirely great! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so Gotham City is infected with zombies, right? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People start getting bit, dying, then getting up and feasting on the flesh of the living. Batman and Robin are fighting them off as best they can, and while they're too fast and acrobatic to be touched, there's too many zombies to kill them all. They start rescuing as many people as they can, taking them to the Batcave for safekeeping. It's a good place because it's not only big, but protected and hidden! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what happens next? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, soon the Batcave is getting pretty full! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And at some point they've rescued this guy who's been bitten, but who's hidden it. He dies, and the next time Batman and Robin come back to the Cave, they find that everyone inside is now a zombie! Their effort has been entirely futile, and everyone they've rescued is dead. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Then what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Batman FLIPS OUT!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! A "uter-b-gone". |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I had the coolest dream last night. BATMAN was in it! And ZOMBIES! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was entirely great! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so Gotham City is infected with zombies, right? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People start getting bit, dying, then getting up and feasting on the flesh of the living. Batman and Robin are fighting them off as best they can, and while they're too fast and acrobatic to be touched, there's too many zombies to kill them all. They start rescuing as many people as they can, taking them to the Batcave for safekeeping. It's a good place because it's not only big, but protected and hidden! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what happens next? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, soon the Batcave is getting pretty full! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And at some point they've rescued this guy who's been bitten, but who's hidden it. He dies, and the next time Batman and Robin come back to the Cave, they find that everyone inside is now a zombie! Their effort has been entirely futile, and everyone they've rescued is dead. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Then what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Batman FLIPS OUT!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And I wake |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, I'm gonna work the phrase "little lower, little slower" into every conversation I have today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hee hee! It's a good day to be T-Rex! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So I was at the dentist today, and he was all cleaning my teeth, and I was like, "little lower...little slower!" [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Hah! What'd he do? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] He cleaned my bottom teeth! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey there, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Little lower, little slower! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wait, shoot , too soon. Can we start over, and you give me a hug or something? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What? No! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Incidentally, that would be a good phrase to say to an ex-girlfriend you're trying to hook up with! The "start over" one, I mean. Um. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ... Then you |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, I'm gonna work the phrase "little lower, little slower" into every conversation I have today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hee hee! It's a good day to be T-Rex! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So I was at the dentist today, and he was all cleaning my teeth, and I was like, "little lower...little slower!" [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Hah! What'd he do? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] He cleaned my bottom teeth! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey there, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Little lower, little slower! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wait, shoot , too soon. Can we start over, and you give me a hug or something? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What? No! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Incidentally, that would be a good phrase to say to an ex-girlfriend you're trying to hook up with! The "start over" one, I mean. Um. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Where'd everybody go? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So sometimes I have these little secrets, yes? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And SOMETIMES these little secrets accidentally become BIG SECRETS, because I never told the people I should have about them and it's too late now. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Ooh! What are these secrets? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm not thinking of any in particular, actually! Just the general case. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Oh. That's less interesting! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Maybe you shouldn't keep so many secrets then, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I don't! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They're just - you know how when you've forgotten somebody's name, and it's way too late to ask them now? It's like that with these little secrets. You know what I mean? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, that doesn't really happen to me. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Am I the only one with these problems? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because if so, then I guess I get to work on my life management skills! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Mallory's body was found 75 years later, but |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So sometimes I have these little secrets, yes? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And SOMETIMES these little secrets accidentally become BIG SECRETS, because I never told the people I should have about them and it's too late now. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Ooh! What are these secrets? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm not thinking of any in particular, actually! Just the general case. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Oh. That's less interesting! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Maybe you shouldn't keep so many secrets then, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I don't! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They're just - you know how when you've forgotten somebody's name, and it's way too late to ask them now? It's like that with these little secrets. You know what I mean? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, that doesn't really happen to me. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Am I the only one with these problems? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because if so, then I guess I get to work on my life management skills! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] D-Do people still talk about life management skills? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so I've made a few runs at it and have never actually been able to travel back in time. This I concede easily! I totally dropped the time ball. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But baby, I've got a good feeling about today! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Aw, T-Rex, why do you want to go back in time so much anyway? You've already been in the past; you know what it's like! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My own life doesn't count, and besides I could go back in time and CHANGE things! Like your breakfast today: wasn't it delicious? Don't you wish you could have had that breakfast YESTERDAY? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Mmm? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Man, even if you were successful, I can just tell you'd screw up my timeline on me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I would not!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Besides, it's not YOUR timeline. It's EVERYONE's timeline. We have to share it. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, you should take me with you, so I can keep you out of trouble. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Fine! FINE. I'll take everyone back in time with me. WHY NOT. HOW HARD WOULD IT BE TO TAKE EVERYONE BACK IN TIME. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SHORTLY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is the day the raw |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so I've made a few runs at it and have never actually been able to travel back in time. This I concede easily! I totally dropped the time ball. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But baby, I've got a good feeling about today! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Aw, T-Rex, why do you want to go back in time so much anyway? You've already been in the past; you know what it's like! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My own life doesn't count, and besides I could go back in time and CHANGE things! Like your breakfast today: wasn't it delicious? Don't you wish you could have had that breakfast YESTERDAY? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Mmm? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Man, even if you were successful, I can just tell you'd screw up my timeline on me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I would not!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Besides, it's not YOUR timeline. It's EVERYONE's timeline. We have to share it. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, you should take me with you, so I can keep you out of trouble. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Fine! FINE. I'll take everyone back in time with me. WHY NOT. HOW HARD WOULD IT BE TO TAKE EVERYONE BACK IN TIME. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SHORTLY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] IT WAS ACTUALLY NOT THAT HARD |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TIME IS RUNNING FORWARDS: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aw, shoot! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Did that fix time? I don't think that fixed time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well! I guess our only hope is to focus all of our willpower on changing things back to normal! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Do you think that'll make a difference? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe that MAYBE it could? It's not like we have too many options! Let's do it! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SOON: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't feel anything different - do you? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I feel the same! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But... MAYBE this is something we simply can't fully diagnose with our senses - maybe it's just too subtle! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Broken timeflows are crazy! I'm sorry! Maybe we can fix it with wishes? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I guess it's worth a try! On three! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TIME IS RUNNING BACKWARDS: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't think that fixed ANYTHING, man! Things are as messed up as ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...ninety-eight, ninety nine, one hundred! |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TIME IS RUNNING FORWARDS: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aw, shoot! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Did that fix time? I don't think that fixed time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well! I guess our only hope is to focus all of our willpower on changing things back to normal! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Do you think that'll make a difference? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe that MAYBE it could? It's not like we have too many options! Let's do it! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SOON: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I don't feel anything different - do you? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I feel the same! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But... MAYBE this is something we simply can't fully diagnose with our senses - maybe it's just too subtle! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Broken timeflows are crazy! I'm sorry! Maybe we can fix it with wishes? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I guess it's worth a try! On three! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TIME IS RUNNING BACKWARDS: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't think that fixed ANYTHING, man! Things are as messed up as ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also, my head hurts and |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is a good day I think for going to all-you-can-eat restaurants! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Imagine... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] All I can eat! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] As a T-Rex, I appreciate being able to gorge myself for one low price. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] It's a good thing gluttony isn't a sin! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] indeed! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Have you considered the meaning of your actions? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *gasp* [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have not! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well then, allow me. An all-you-can-eat restaurant, especially in a world where people are starving, is essentially immoral. Besides, consider the symbolism of gorging yourself on more food than you actually need: of eating just for eating's sake. Gluttony because it's affordable: what kind of [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] image is that? Plus, you can't ... such a restaurant ... if you don't ... cheap, it becomes All-You-Can-Politely-Eat, since you're trying to impress your date and thus you can't go all-out. Food should be a delight, not a symbolic stop at a gas station. I find [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think it's a good idea because |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is a good day I think for going to all-you-can-eat restaurants! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Imagine... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] All I can eat! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] As a T-Rex, I appreciate being able to gorge myself for one low price. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] It's a good thing gluttony isn't a sin! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] indeed! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Have you considered the meaning of your actions? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *gasp* [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have not! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well then, allow me. An all-you-can-eat restaurant, especially in a world where people are starving, is essentially immoral. Besides, consider the symbolism of gorging yourself on more food than you actually need: of eating just for eating's sake. Gluttony because it's affordable: what kind of [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] image is that? Plus, you can't ... such a restaurant ... if you don't ... cheap, it becomes All-You-Can-Politely-Eat, since you're trying to impress your date and thus you can't go all-out. Food should be a delight, not a symbolic stop at a gas station. I find [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm going to eat SO MANY WINGS! |