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nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] HILARIOUS DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SEXES [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] presented using a primarily-male cast of dinosaurs [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh boy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I bet I can figure out hundreds of hilarious differences! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For instance: as a male, I can be impatient, sometimes to my own detriment! Notice how I destroy this house rather than walking around it. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I am a more patient woman and I did not resort to violence to solve my problems! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It is as if we are from two different planets! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, the two sexes certainly do have some hilarious differences! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Indeed! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] For instance, my mother was left, at the age of 22 and with two children to care for, by a sometimes-abusive, always-absent husband. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I know this may be sexist, but I don't believe a woman is capable of such neglect. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This chowder is good, but now |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] HILARIOUS DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE SEXES [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] presented using a primarily-male cast of dinosaurs [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh boy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I bet I can figure out hundreds of hilarious differences! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For instance: as a male, I can be impatient, sometimes to my own detriment! Notice how I destroy this house rather than walking around it. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I am a more patient woman and I did not resort to violence to solve my problems! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It is as if we are from two different planets! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, the two sexes certainly do have some hilarious differences! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Indeed! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] For instance, my mother was left, at the age of 22 and with two children to care for, by a sometimes-abusive, always-absent husband. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I know this may be sexist, but I don't believe a woman is capable of such neglect. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I can also pee standing up! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A CASE OF CUTTLEFISH [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe I shall take a brief repose to calm my agitated nerves! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, 'tis something soothing to discover yourself engaged in something you very much enjoy. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Stomping for me is one such pass-time! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Good sir! I pray that you stop! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What knavery? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I ask only for your attention, for my sister is deathly ill with the cholera! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why, we dined together just a fortnight ago, did we not? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I remember it well; I had a disappointing dish of cuttlefish. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's exactly it: I never surprise myself! When will I |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A CASE OF CUTTLEFISH [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I believe I shall take a brief repose to calm my agitated nerves! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, 'tis something soothing to discover yourself engaged in something you very much enjoy. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Stomping for me is one such pass-time! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Good sir! I pray that you stop! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What knavery? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I ask only for your attention, for my sister is deathly ill with the cholera! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why, we dined together just a fortnight ago, did we not? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I remember it well; I had a disappointing dish of cuttlefish. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Do you not recall how I remarked on my disappointment? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "THE LIFE-SIZED CARDBOARD CUTOUT" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's the perfect plan! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And so simple! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] whenever I don't want to face my problems, I'll send, in my stead, a cardboard cutout of myself! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ideally, he'll have an intense, yet thoughtful expression on his face. People will say, "Oh, I'd better just leave T-Rex alone: he's intense yet thoughtful!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And you believe people will fall for this, no doubt! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I do! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh, that's clearly a cardboard cutout. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] See, that's clearly you standing very still as IF you were a cardboard cutout. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, who is the dude |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "THE LIFE-SIZED CARDBOARD CUTOUT" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's the perfect plan! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And so simple! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] whenever I don't want to face my problems, I'll send, in my stead, a cardboard cutout of myself! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ideally, he'll have an intense, yet thoughtful expression on his face. People will say, "Oh, I'd better just leave T-Rex alone: he's intense yet thoughtful!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And you believe people will fall for this, no doubt! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I do! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh, that's clearly a cardboard cutout. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] See, that's clearly you standing very still as IF you were a cardboard cutout. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] [[thinking]] just a little closer... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: MARY SUE COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have finally completed my theory of everything, toiling in selfless, unappreciated obscurity. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Surely a little recognition is more than I could ever hope for! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex, I read your brilliant theory! It puts every other scientist to shame - indeed, all of dinokind! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Thank you! I did only what came naturally to me. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] You are so wise and modest, T-Rex! I hope I can be your friend forever. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm the one who's been working against you in the faculty! Please accept my apologies, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I see now that I've been petty and unfair and all I really wanted was to have a little of your attention. Can you ever forgive me and let me admire you from a distance? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well...OK! Let's hug! [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] A LITTLE SOMETHING JUST FOR YOU T-REX [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But, on the other hand, putting |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: MARY SUE COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have finally completed my theory of everything, toiling in selfless, unappreciated obscurity. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Surely a little recognition is more than I could ever hope for! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex, I read your brilliant theory! It puts every other scientist to shame - indeed, all of dinokind! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Thank you! I did only what came naturally to me. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] You are so wise and modest, T-Rex! I hope I can be your friend forever. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm the one who's been working against you in the faculty! Please accept my apologies, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I see now that I've been petty and unfair and all I really wanted was to have a little of your attention. Can you ever forgive me and let me admire you from a distance? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well...OK! Let's hug! [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] A LITTLE SOMETHING JUST FOR YOU T-REX [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A Nobel Prize! You shouldn't have! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I finally figured out how to gain the upper hand on that stupid utahraptor. I will adopt for my own the philosophy of pragmatism. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] From now on, I'll be sticking to things that WORK! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For instance, some might say that the destruction of this log cabin violates fundamental principles. But if I were to show that it is a necessary means to a noble end, such arguments are revealed to be petty and ideological! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Pragmatism! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But you didn't... oh well, too late. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Similarly - [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, stop! you cannot invoke pragmatism itself as an argument! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Any pragmatic view must still be rooted in an idea of what's good and desirable. Stating what does and does not "work" is not a moral and philosophical passkey! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] According to your fancy logic, perhaps, but I happen to live in the REAL world. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh, I see. "Questioning everyone's motives but your own" mode today, huh? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm not! I'm just saying that there's a lot I |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I finally figured out how to gain the upper hand on that stupid utahraptor. I will adopt for my own the philosophy of pragmatism. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] From now on, I'll be sticking to things that WORK! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For instance, some might say that the destruction of this log cabin violates fundamental principles. But if I were to show that it is a necessary means to a noble end, such arguments are revealed to be petty and ideological! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Pragmatism! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But you didn't... oh well, too late. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Similarly - [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, stop! you cannot invoke pragmatism itself as an argument! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Any pragmatic view must still be rooted in an idea of what's good and desirable. Stating what does and does not "work" is not a moral and philosophical passkey! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] According to your fancy logic, perhaps, but I happen to live in the REAL world. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh, I see. "Questioning everyone's motives but your own" mode today, huh? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BASED ON A TRUE STORY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Disastrous events seem less horrible when they happen: a) As part of an ongoing process over time... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] b) To people we do not usually identify with, and... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] c) Far away! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's why we are shocked and horrified by a shoot-out at the local cafeteria, but barely bat an eyelid when we read in the paper that 20,000 Bangladeshi have drowned in the Pacific. It's just the way of things! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's silly! Bangladesh isn't even on the shores of the Pacific. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Um, that's right. I was thinking of something else. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Morbidly funny image, though - makes you wonder what they were all doing there. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah! See? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have the greatest idea for |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BASED ON A TRUE STORY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Disastrous events seem less horrible when they happen: a) As part of an ongoing process over time... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] b) To people we do not usually identify with, and... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] c) Far away! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's why we are shocked and horrified by a shoot-out at the local cafeteria, but barely bat an eyelid when we read in the paper that 20,000 Bangladeshi have drowned in the Pacific. It's just the way of things! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's silly! Bangladesh isn't even on the shores of the Pacific. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Um, that's right. I was thinking of something else. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Morbidly funny image, though - makes you wonder what they were all doing there. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah! See? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's funny because it's far away! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] VAGUELY SELF-REFERENTIAL AND DERIVATIVE COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I had the most disturbing thought today... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] By being true to yourself, you are forever derivative! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Novice artists spend years looking for their "own voice" only to find they've painted themselves into a corner or waited for a bus that never comes! And what of myself? Do I stomp tis house because I want to, or because I can't think of anything else? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] There! I did it again. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] To be free we must give ourselves up to being totally protean and chameleonic! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sigh. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You're assuming that no voice is better than another. But it's perfectly natural to seek variety of expression within a set format, in the arts as well as in life and society! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] The totally unpredictable is also void of interest! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh yeah? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Are we TRULY the fubsiest?? |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] VAGUELY SELF-REFERENTIAL AND DERIVATIVE COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I had the most disturbing thought today... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] By being true to yourself, you are forever derivative! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Novice artists spend years looking for their "own voice" only to find they've painted themselves into a corner or waited for a bus that never comes! And what of myself? Do I stomp tis house because I want to, or because I can't think of anything else? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] There! I did it again. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] To be free we must give ourselves up to being totally protean and chameleonic! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sigh. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You're assuming that no voice is better than another. But it's perfectly natural to seek variety of expression within a set format, in the arts as well as in life and society! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] The totally unpredictable is also void of interest! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh yeah? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe I'll expect a new |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A BRIEF HISTORY OF CHARLES BABBAGE AND HIS WONDERFUL CALCULATING ENGINES COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Charles Babbage spent a lot of his time working on mechanical calculating engines! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] These were machines that could add and subtract, and later multiply and divide (through repeated addition and subtraction), forecasting in many ways the design of modern-day computers! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Unfortunately the machines, with thousands of tiny gears and cogs, were too complex, beyond his means to fully manufacture at the time (early 1800s). [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] While some see Babbage as the father of modern computers, he had little actual influence! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yes, quite right! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is because many of the innovations in his Analytical Engine, such as conditional branching and a separation of processing and memory, were left to be re-discovered by a new generation of pioneers! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wow! You taught it to recognize me? |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A BRIEF HISTORY OF CHARLES BABBAGE AND HIS WONDERFUL CALCULATING ENGINES COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Charles Babbage spent a lot of his time working on mechanical calculating engines! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] These were machines that could add and subtract, and later multiply and divide (through repeated addition and subtraction), forecasting in many ways the design of modern-day computers! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Unfortunately the machines, with thousands of tiny gears and cogs, were too complex, beyond his means to fully manufacture at the time (early 1800s). [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] While some see Babbage as the father of modern computers, he had little actual influence! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yes, quite right! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is because many of the innovations in his Analytical Engine, such as conditional branching and a separation of processing and memory, were left to be re-discovered by a new generation of pioneers! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This concludes the brief history of Charles |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's time to make some changes around here! Some things have been allowed to slide for too long! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "IT'S TIME TO MAKE SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But rather than point out the failings of others, I will first endeavour to improve myself! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A WEEK LATER... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey! Where have you been all week? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Off improving myself! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Really! So I'm talking to the new improved T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yep! Ask me anything. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Y-You don't- [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Self improvement isn't a trivia context, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] WHAT IF... SELF IMPROVEMENT REALLY WAS A TRIVIA CONTEST? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Brussels! [SPEAKER] PERSON OFF-PANEL [LINE] Incorrect! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think it would be great to have my last |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's time to make some changes around here! Some things have been allowed to slide for too long! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "IT'S TIME TO MAKE SOME CHANGES AROUND HERE" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But rather than point out the failings of others, I will first endeavour to improve myself! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A WEEK LATER... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey! Where have you been all week? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Off improving myself! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Really! So I'm talking to the new improved T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yep! Ask me anything. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Y-You don't- [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Self improvement isn't a trivia context, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] WHAT IF... SELF IMPROVEMENT REALLY WAS A TRIVIA CONTEST? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Brussels! [SPEAKER] PERSON OFF-PANEL [LINE] Incorrect! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This contest doesn't even make sense in the first place. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have an idea for the ULTIMATE disaster movie: basically, what happens is the Earth stops dead in its orbit one day, and everybody flies into a wall! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (Or, if they're outside, into the sky!) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Best movie ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So It'd be told in a series of shorts: each short starts a little before everybody flies into a wall, and ends with everybody flying into a wall. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It would be SO GOOD! You start out small: regular people, a fat guy at a buffet, building up to a parking lot full of cars tumbling into the sky, the star quarterback kicking the ball and then he, and everybody else in the game, flying up after it. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Your movie sounds awesome! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But wouldn't it get a little repetitive? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No way! The viewers would know what's going on after the first few shorts, so you play off those expectations. Like, there's this shot of a really elaborate wedding, and the audience is all, "Oh man, all those people are going to fly into a wall SO HARD!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then we cut to years afterwards, when they're old and stooped, holding hands out on the porch, and THEN the Earth stops in its orbit and they fly off together into the sky! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let's say I break the |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have an idea for the ULTIMATE disaster movie: basically, what happens is the Earth stops dead in its orbit one day, and everybody flies into a wall! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (Or, if they're outside, into the sky!) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Best movie ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So It'd be told in a series of shorts: each short starts a little before everybody flies into a wall, and ends with everybody flying into a wall. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It would be SO GOOD! You start out small: regular people, a fat guy at a buffet, building up to a parking lot full of cars tumbling into the sky, the star quarterback kicking the ball and then he, and everybody else in the game, flying up after it. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Your movie sounds awesome! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But wouldn't it get a little repetitive? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No way! The viewers would know what's going on after the first few shorts, so you play off those expectations. Like, there's this shot of a really elaborate wedding, and the audience is all, "Oh man, all those people are going to fly into a wall SO HARD!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then we cut to years afterwards, when they're old and stooped, holding hands out on the porch, and THEN the Earth stops in its orbit and they fly off together into the sky! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! Two tickets, please! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX AS: "THE COMPUTER SCIENTIST' [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Computers store information in binary code, which is a series of 1s and 0s! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In fact, ALL information in a computer - text, video, sound, even PORNOGRAPHIC IMAGES - are stores in the same fashion, as 1s and 0s. Here's the interesting part: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Any series of 1s and 0s can be converted (quite easily) into a regular number! So, for instance, your favorite song is contained - quite literally - in one single, 4 million digit number. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So copyright las is in a state of self-contradiction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Quit right! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You can't copyright a fact (like a number), but you can copyright a creative work, like a song or a piece of software. But since one can be transformed into another, copueight law is logically INCOHERENT. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's really cool! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] He says - there's some merit to both sides of the issue? |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX AS: "THE COMPUTER SCIENTIST' [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Computers store information in binary code, which is a series of 1s and 0s! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In fact, ALL information in a computer - text, video, sound, even PORNOGRAPHIC IMAGES - are stores in the same fashion, as 1s and 0s. Here's the interesting part: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Any series of 1s and 0s can be converted (quite easily) into a regular number! So, for instance, your favorite song is contained - quite literally - in one single, 4 million digit number. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So copyright las is in a state of self-contradiction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Quit right! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You can't copyright a fact (like a number), but you can copyright a creative work, like a song or a piece of software. But since one can be transformed into another, copueight law is logically INCOHERENT. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's really cool! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But, being really cool IS one of the perks of being a |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "MOVIE ETIQUETTE." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so I can accept that nobody applauds at the end of a film anymore. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (Even though it is the classy thing to do!) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But what is up with the staff coming in to clean up before the credits are even half over? That's just rude! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] You're a dying breed, my friend! There are only a few credit watchers left! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, why do you watch the credits? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I like them! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It gives me time to think about the movie I just saw. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Man, I hate to stay for the credits! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This is why we can't see movies together! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX FROM THE FUTURE TRAVELS BACK IN TIME TO THIS EXACT MOMENT [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is why we can't see movies together! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] HEY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A clock's hands, sweeping past 12! |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "MOVIE ETIQUETTE." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so I can accept that nobody applauds at the end of a film anymore. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (Even though it is the classy thing to do!) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But what is up with the staff coming in to clean up before the credits are even half over? That's just rude! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] You're a dying breed, my friend! There are only a few credit watchers left! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, why do you watch the credits? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I like them! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It gives me time to think about the movie I just saw. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Man, I hate to stay for the credits! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This is why we can't see movies together! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX FROM THE FUTURE TRAVELS BACK IN TIME TO THIS EXACT MOMENT [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is why we can't see movies together! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] HEY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Stay away from women named "Susan"! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A MORAL ALLEGORY [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] T- oh my gosh! [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] I've lost my voice! [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] This is a disaster! Dromiceiomimus, you have to help me! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Ha ha, nope! Maybe this will let US get a word in edgewise! [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] I let you guys talk! I am always interested in what you have to say! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I heard you lost your voice! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's back! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And, I've learned my lesson: always listen to others! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE END [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] JUST IN CASE: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Of course! I |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A MORAL ALLEGORY [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] T- oh my gosh! [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] I've lost my voice! [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] This is a disaster! Dromiceiomimus, you have to help me! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Ha ha, nope! Maybe this will let US get a word in edgewise! [SPEAKER] T-REX [[WHISPERS]] [LINE] I let you guys talk! I am always interested in what you have to say! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I heard you lost your voice! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's back! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And, I've learned my lesson: always listen to others! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE END [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] JUST IN CASE: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I represented vanity! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've never seen the world, but that's going to change... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, I am going to go on a trip around the world. Would you like to be my "travelling companion"? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Sure! Although, the emphasis you placed on "travelling companion" does fill me with some suspicion. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ha ha! Little does she know! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Little does who know what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Little does the Dromiceiomimus know that I intend to show her the great vistas of the world, and by doing so, make her fall in love with me! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Ah, the old "culture by association" trick! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wait- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The idea is that |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've never seen the world, but that's going to change... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, I am going to go on a trip around the world. Would you like to be my "travelling companion"? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Sure! Although, the emphasis you placed on "travelling companion" does fill me with some suspicion. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ha ha! Little does she know! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Little does who know what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Little does the Dromiceiomimus know that I intend to show her the great vistas of the world, and by doing so, make her fall in love with me! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Ah, the old "culture by association" trick! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wait- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's been done before? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The other day I heard a math joke that I just had to share! So there's this party, right? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A party of functions! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] All of the functions are there: e^x, (pi)r^2, i^2, even some old-school guys like abs(x). Anyway, poor e^x is alone in a corner, acting all morose. His good friend 2^x comes over and says, "What's the problem? Come on, integrate yourself into the party!" And e^x looks at him and he says, "Why? It's not going to make a difference!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh boy, are we telling math jokes? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We are! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I didn't know you liked math jokes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh, eigenvouch that I do! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] BOO! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Ha ha! You know, some people say pi r squared, but I know they're round! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's it! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude, I |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The other day I heard a math joke that I just had to share! So there's this party, right? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A party of functions! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] All of the functions are there: e^x, (pi)r^2, i^2, even some old-school guys like abs(x). Anyway, poor e^x is alone in a corner, acting all morose. His good friend 2^x comes over and says, "What's the problem? Come on, integrate yourself into the party!" And e^x looks at him and he says, "Why? It's not going to make a difference!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh boy, are we telling math jokes? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We are! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I didn't know you liked math jokes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh, eigenvouch that I do! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] BOO! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Ha ha! You know, some people say pi r squared, but I know they're round! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's it! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Friendship annulled!! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] YOU ARE GREAT [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] a web card [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dear recipient of this comic: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whoever sent this to you thinks you are great! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let's assume this person is a guy. Boy, does he ever like you! He likes you so much he lets someone else do his writing for him and uses pre-packaged sentimen- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] - But that's not the point. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The point is, this card is to tell you that you are great. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wait, what were you saying about pre-packaged sentiment? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nothing! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Were you perhaps implying that the emotions of someone who feels he can't properly express them are somehow less valid than those of someone who can? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, good! Cause that's wrong! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE END: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In effect, WE (and by 'we' I mean 'dinosaurs') have become the all-powerful Gods |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] YOU ARE GREAT [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] a web card [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dear recipient of this comic: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whoever sent this to you thinks you are great! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let's assume this person is a guy. Boy, does he ever like you! He likes you so much he lets someone else do his writing for him and uses pre-packaged sentimen- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] - But that's not the point. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The point is, this card is to tell you that you are great. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wait, what were you saying about pre-packaged sentiment? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nothing! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Were you perhaps implying that the emotions of someone who feels he can't properly express them are somehow less valid than those of someone who can? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, good! Cause that's wrong! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE END: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dear recipient of this comic, whoever sent this to you thinks you are great! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Another beautiful day: such nice sun, a fresh scent in the air, and I'm out for a walk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes indeed, it's good to be young! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hmm, but would it be better to be both young and in love. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *sigh* [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Life is beautiful but sad sometimes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Maybe you should write something about it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sometimes writing lets you explore your feelings better. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Explore your feelings"? Shuck that jive, man! Feelings are for sissies and the elderly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] God! We're going to steal the |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Another beautiful day: such nice sun, a fresh scent in the air, and I'm out for a walk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes indeed, it's good to be young! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hmm, but would it be better to be both young and in love. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *sigh* [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Life is beautiful but sad sometimes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Maybe you should write something about it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sometimes writing lets you explore your feelings better. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Explore your feelings"? Shuck that jive, man! Feelings are for sissies and the elderly! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whom, it's worth noting, I respect! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This weekend, I go on a trip! I trip DOWN SOUTH. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Another friend of mine is getting married! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This will be my first heterosexual wedding. I'm excited! I got a nice card and everything! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The only thing I'm worried about is the dancing. I have such big, manly feet that sometimes they get in the way! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I can teach you how to dance! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, would you? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Shortly: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You're getting better! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whoo! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Thanks! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hooray for visiting old friends! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This weekend, I go on a trip! I trip DOWN SOUTH. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Another friend of mine is getting married! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This will be my first heterosexual wedding. I'm excited! I got a nice card and everything! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The only thing I'm worried about is the dancing. I have such big, manly feet that sometimes they get in the way! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I can teach you how to dance! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, would you? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Shortly: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You're getting better! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whoo! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Thanks! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Now all the pretty girls |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man... best wedding ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And with my new dance moves, I "tore up the dance floor"! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Are you sure it wasn't just a confidence thing? A sort of "the new dance moves were in you all along" thing? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I was - until you asked! Hmmm... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So, T-Rex! How did it go? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It went fine! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I'm beginning to suspect that the dance moves were in me all along! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, that's wrong. I taught you the dance moves. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Are you sure? Cause I sure felt like I was the King of the Dance that night! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] To clarify, I meant to imply that the King of the Dance was self-taught! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Utahraptor, please! So many questions! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man... best wedding ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And with my new dance moves, I "tore up the dance floor"! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Are you sure it wasn't just a confidence thing? A sort of "the new dance moves were in you all along" thing? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I was - until you asked! Hmmm... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So, T-Rex! How did it go? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It went fine! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But I'm beginning to suspect that the dance moves were in me all along! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, that's wrong. I taught you the dance moves. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Are you sure? Cause I sure felt like I was the King of the Dance that night! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] To clarify, I meant to imply that the King of the Dance was self-taught! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I should have mentioned that |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes indeed! If I were the last man on Earth... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...things would be different! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hi, I'm the last man on Earth! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] My, my! Hello! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Would you say you and your girlfriends find that... attractive? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Daydreaming again, I see! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aww, why'd you do that? I was imagining I was the last man on Earth! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And no doubt turning what's clearly a global disaster into a chance for sex with multiple partners! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Heh. Well, you know me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I thought you were taking notes! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes indeed! If I were the last man on Earth... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...things would be different! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hi, I'm the last man on Earth! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] My, my! Hello! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Would you say you and your girlfriends find that... attractive? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Daydreaming again, I see! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Aww, why'd you do that? I was imagining I was the last man on Earth! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And no doubt turning what's clearly a global disaster into a chance for sex with multiple partners! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Heh. Well, you know me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Always up to my old tricks! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN "FUTURISTS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Stupid futurists! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They think they're so great just because they talk about the future all day long. Ooh, look at me! I think that the future will have Internet robot nano-maids! Put me on the news!" Anyone can call themselves a futurist: it doesn't mean anything! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Argh! I even hate the TERM "futurist"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You, ah - you seem a little more vehement than usual, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They pus my buttons, is all! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think it's because most of the predictions are either really dumb or blindingly obvious. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sounds like you already have your own idea of what the future will be like! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What is the purpose of my |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN "FUTURISTS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Stupid futurists! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They think they're so great just because they talk about the future all day long. Ooh, look at me! I think that the future will have Internet robot nano-maids! Put me on the news!" Anyone can call themselves a futurist: it doesn't mean anything! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Argh! I even hate the TERM "futurist"! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You, ah - you seem a little more vehement than usual, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They pus my buttons, is all! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think it's because most of the predictions are either really dumb or blindingly obvious. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Sounds like you already have your own idea of what the future will be like! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yeah... full of Internet robot nano-maids! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So - wait. What am I out for? I remember meaning to pick something up, but now I can't remember what! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Was it batteries, maybe? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why am I here? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Well T-Rex, I think you're here - as I think we're all here - in order to make the world a better place. That is the purpose of life, I believe! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I actually meant my question in the most basic sense, but I want to appear deep. I'd better act angsty and play along. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, my existential angst! Is there no happiness without knowledge of purpose? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, I'm happy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is because I believe we're here in order to be witness to Creation. What greater purpose could there be, than to be the eyes and ears and souls of a Universe? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ha ha, yeah, that sounds good! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] THAT's what separates me |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So - wait. What am I out for? I remember meaning to pick something up, but now I can't remember what! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Was it batteries, maybe? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why am I here? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Well T-Rex, I think you're here - as I think we're all here - in order to make the world a better place. That is the purpose of life, I believe! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I actually meant my question in the most basic sense, but I want to appear deep. I'd better act angsty and play along. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, my existential angst! Is there no happiness without knowledge of purpose? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, I'm happy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] This is because I believe we're here in order to be witness to Creation. What greater purpose could there be, than to be the eyes and ears and souls of a Universe? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ha ha, yeah, that sounds good! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So - heck. Batteries? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] SUBJECT [LINE] hee hee hee hee [SPEAKER] MOOD [LINE] {{sad face}} Groggy [SPEAKER] MUSIC [LINE] Cibo Matto - Birthday Cake [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sry people for not updateing lately!!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I haven't updated in awhile, mainly because my puter has been annoyingly slow. I need to ask my 'rents to buy me a new one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] neway not much is new with me.... i really need to go out more... worried i might be in a rut... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] *hugses* [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *big big hugs* THANK YOU!!!!! :) [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey no problem. I actually meant it to be anonymous but I click too fast and didn't actually click the box I thought I did. Oh well. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Good God! What are you cephalopods |
real | [SPEAKER] SUBJECT [LINE] hee hee hee hee [SPEAKER] MOOD [LINE] {{sad face}} Groggy [SPEAKER] MUSIC [LINE] Cibo Matto - Birthday Cake [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sry people for not updateing lately!!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I haven't updated in awhile, mainly because my puter has been annoyingly slow. I need to ask my 'rents to buy me a new one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] neway not much is new with me.... i really need to go out more... worried i might be in a rut... [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] *hugses* [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] *big big hugs* THANK YOU!!!!! :) [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey no problem. I actually meant it to be anonymous but I click too fast and didn't actually click the box I thought I did. Oh well. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I sometimes make that mistake too. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have written the spookiest ghost story ever! It is called, "The Man Who Died And Came Back As A Ghost". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's spooky! It says so in the first sentence! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It says, "It was spooky night, with a ghost! The ghost was the spookiest ghost in the world, and he was so spooky that if you saw him you'd be scared, for real!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The, um [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The next paragraph is "BOO!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, you have to make your readers feel scared! You just can't tell them they're scared. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure I can! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "The ghost explains that even if you were just reading about these events later, you'd still be scared. You realize with a chill that he is right." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It is now! It is if that's the format I have to use to tell my readers that they're scared! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER T-REX GIVES A READING OF HIS NEW BOOK: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No, too easy. Um - "I love you, AND ALSO, how about all these dollars?" |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have written the spookiest ghost story ever! It is called, "The Man Who Died And Came Back As A Ghost". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's spooky! It says so in the first sentence! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It says, "It was spooky night, with a ghost! The ghost was the spookiest ghost in the world, and he was so spooky that if you saw him you'd be scared, for real!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The, um [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The next paragraph is "BOO!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex, you have to make your readers feel scared! You just can't tell them they're scared. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure I can! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "The ghost explains that even if you were just reading about these events later, you'd still be scared. You realize with a chill that he is right." [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It's a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It is now! It is if that's the format I have to use to tell my readers that they're scared! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER T-REX GIVES A READING OF HIS NEW BOOK: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Turn to page 32 to be spooked by the spooky ghost! Turn to page 14 |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMPRESSED FILM COMICS today's film: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm Bill S. Preston! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Esquire! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] GREECE, 405 BC [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Thanks to Rufus' excellent time-travelling telephone booth, we can travel to any time period! Thus, Ted and I are gathering some ancient history dudes so that we don't fail on our MOST BOGUS history report! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whoah - historical BABES! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] FRANCE, 1802 [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] We are in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Bill! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE OLD WEST [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Party on, Bill! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Party on, Ted! [SPEAKER] T-REX AND UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] WYLD STALLYNS! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But - you're a guy! |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMPRESSED FILM COMICS today's film: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm Bill S. Preston! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Esquire! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] GREECE, 405 BC [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Thanks to Rufus' excellent time-travelling telephone booth, we can travel to any time period! Thus, Ted and I are gathering some ancient history dudes so that we don't fail on our MOST BOGUS history report! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whoah - historical BABES! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] FRANCE, 1802 [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] We are in danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Bill! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] THE OLD WEST [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Party on, Bill! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Party on, Ted! [SPEAKER] T-REX AND UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] WYLD STALLYNS! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Be excellent to each other! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm going to write a great novel! It will be about one man's struggle to make a life for himself in the modern world, and it will be wonderful. He will achieve all he desires, and be at the peak of his career! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then, in the last sentence, a filing cabinet says "You're fired, and I can talk!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! Best ending ever! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Why? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Didn't you hear the ending? A talking filing cabinet? "You're fired, and I can talk!"? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hee hee! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It seems like a really crappy ending to me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It RECONTEXTUALIZES the book. People will be like, "I thought this book was transcendental until that last sentence when the talking filing cabinet showed up!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Is it a metaphor? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! It's just a talking filing cabinet that undermines the whole book. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've never been moved to tears by music! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm going to write a great novel! It will be about one man's struggle to make a life for himself in the modern world, and it will be wonderful. He will achieve all he desires, and be at the peak of his career! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then, in the last sentence, a filing cabinet says "You're fired, and I can talk!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! Best ending ever! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Why? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Didn't you hear the ending? A talking filing cabinet? "You're fired, and I can talk!"? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hee hee! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] It seems like a really crappy ending to me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It RECONTEXTUALIZES the book. People will be like, "I thought this book was transcendental until that last sentence when the talking filing cabinet showed up!" [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Is it a metaphor? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Nope! It's just a talking filing cabinet that undermines the whole book. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I will call the book, "An Unexpected Ending". |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have faith in random developments of chance of a potentially divine nature. From where do you hail? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You attractive individual! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have faith in what may appear to be miraculous occurrences, Since you entered my immediate locale, [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You attractive individual. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Where is your place of origin, youngster? By what means were you cognizant of my need for you? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] How were you aware of the extreme extent of my desire? How were you aware that I would offer my affections without hesitation? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] During the previous diurnal cycle, I counted myself among the ranks of the lonely! Now you're lying in quite close proximity. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No, no! Come |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have faith in random developments of chance of a potentially divine nature. From where do you hail? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You attractive individual! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have faith in what may appear to be miraculous occurrences, Since you entered my immediate locale, [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You attractive individual. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Where is your place of origin, youngster? By what means were you cognizant of my need for you? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] How were you aware of the extreme extent of my desire? How were you aware that I would offer my affections without hesitation? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] During the previous diurnal cycle, I counted myself among the ranks of the lonely! Now you're lying in quite close proximity. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Engaging in intercourse! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dear recipient of this comic: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It isn't working out! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe it's not you, it's me! MAYBE there were many small things that added up to this relationship not working. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't know. This card isn't very personalized. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come to think of it, I'd be pretty pissed if someone broke up with me like this! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, this is even worse than a break-up email! You have to at least compose an email. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Too true! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think whoever is being dumped here is better off without this person! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Me too! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dear recipient of this comic: You're better off without this jerk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We should smooch to make extra sure! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dear recipient of this comic: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It isn't working out! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe it's not you, it's me! MAYBE there were many small things that added up to this relationship not working. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't know. This card isn't very personalized. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Come to think of it, I'd be pretty pissed if someone broke up with me like this! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, this is even worse than a break-up email! You have to at least compose an email. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Too true! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think whoever is being dumped here is better off without this person! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Me too! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dear recipient of this comic: You're better off without this jerk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I would still like to hear about |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX HAS GOTTEN A NEW PET DOG: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've gotten a new pet dog! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hooray! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My last pet dog ran away because I never fed him. But THIS new dog I'm sure to feed every day! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That's very resp - actually, T-Rex, that's exactly as responsible as you should be. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know this now! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What's your new pet's name, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's also his description! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I named him, "The Angriest Dog In The World". [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wow! Is he really that angry? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] He's LIVID, man! He's TENSE. Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And generally I'm |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX HAS GOTTEN A NEW PET DOG: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've gotten a new pet dog! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hooray! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My last pet dog ran away because I never fed him. But THIS new dog I'm sure to feed every day! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That's very resp - actually, T-Rex, that's exactly as responsible as you should be. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know this now! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What's your new pet's name, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's also his description! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I named him, "The Angriest Dog In The World". [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wow! Is he really that angry? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] He's LIVID, man! He's TENSE. Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Good listener, though! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Alright! New novel: done! This one is a romance, and is called: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Pretzels In A Lady's Lap"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's named after a particularly striking scene from the book! We're at a party, and a young man accidentally spills pretzels, as he walks by, into the titular Lady's lap! She looks up: eyes meet, bosoms - on both sides - heave, passions smoulder, and, perhaps... romance blossoms? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, what's so sensual about pretzels? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, really! They're dry and salty. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've always found them to be pretty sensual. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm pretty sure you're the only one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Really? Huh! Nobody else finds pretzels stimulating? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, do you know what the longest word in the dictionary is? |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Alright! New novel: done! This one is a romance, and is called: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] "Pretzels In A Lady's Lap"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's named after a particularly striking scene from the book! We're at a party, and a young man accidentally spills pretzels, as he walks by, into the titular Lady's lap! She looks up: eyes meet, bosoms - on both sides - heave, passions smoulder, and, perhaps... romance blossoms? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hey, what's so sensual about pretzels? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dude! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] No, really! They're dry and salty. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've always found them to be pretty sensual. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] I'm pretty sure you're the only one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Really? Huh! Nobody else finds pretzels stimulating? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, this has been quite the anagnorisis (a moment of recognition or |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "YOUNG PARENTS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Young parents! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What's the deal? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How come they want to have kids so quickly? Don't they want to live a hedonistic adult-child lifestyle, like mine, for just a little longer? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't understand! Marriage? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Did you think maybe they just found the right person? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Huh? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, maybe they know what they want, and that's to share their lives, and a beautiful child, with each other! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] MAYBE, but how come I don't want that? I want all the cool things! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Imagine if it had vocals! And a drum solo! |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: "YOUNG PARENTS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Young parents! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What's the deal? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How come they want to have kids so quickly? Don't they want to live a hedonistic adult-child lifestyle, like mine, for just a little longer? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't understand! Marriage? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Did you think maybe they just found the right person? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Huh? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yeah, maybe they know what they want, and that's to share their lives, and a beautiful child, with each other! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] MAYBE, but how come I don't want that? I want all the cool things! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also: how come my bed is so cold and |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Down with money! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We don't need it! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We can just return to our utopia of old, before money turned us all into greedy, money-obsessed, quasi-people! Right, Dromiceiomimus? Right! Money is an aberration that lessens us all! We don't need it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But without money people would still trade! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And...? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] AND, currency is just an abstraction of trade! One unit of currency equals three goats, for example. Some form of money develops naturally from trade and is thus, I think, pretty much inevitable! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I guess you could say your remarks are. . . RIGHT ON THE MONEY? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I will be rewarding them by giving out prizes: |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Down with money! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We don't need it! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] We can just return to our utopia of old, before money turned us all into greedy, money-obsessed, quasi-people! Right, Dromiceiomimus? Right! Money is an aberration that lessens us all! We don't need it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But without money people would still trade! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And...? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] AND, currency is just an abstraction of trade! One unit of currency equals three goats, for example. Some form of money develops naturally from trade and is thus, I think, pretty much inevitable! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I guess you could say your remarks are. . . RIGHT ON THE MONEY? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ho ho! Five stars! Also, I value our friendship. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Social Skills Comics [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Social Skills are very important things to have! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They are what allow us to get along with others, and are the foundation of society! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] With the invention of the "#8220;internet"#8221; and "#8220;email"#8221; and "#8220;instant messaging software"#8221;, people are more social than ever "#8211; and this increased chance for communication leads to better social skills! Hooray! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Ah, but this electronic communication can take away from face-to-face interaction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Doesn"#8217;t matter! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Actually, it does "#8211; because they"#8217;re not the same thing! Online, if you don"#8217;t like someone, you can ignore them easily and completely. But in real life, you have to talk to people you disagree with or dislike all the time! I"#8217;m worried the skills for dealing with such people will become ATROPHIED. [SPEAKER] UNNAMED [LINE] What do you- [SPEAKER] UNNAMED [LINE] T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Waterpark, Utahraptor! |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Social Skills Comics [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Social Skills are very important things to have! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They are what allow us to get along with others, and are the foundation of society! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] With the invention of the "#8220;internet"#8221; and "#8220;email"#8221; and "#8220;instant messaging software"#8221;, people are more social than ever "#8211; and this increased chance for communication leads to better social skills! Hooray! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Ah, but this electronic communication can take away from face-to-face interaction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Doesn"#8217;t matter! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Actually, it does "#8211; because they"#8217;re not the same thing! Online, if you don"#8217;t like someone, you can ignore them easily and completely. But in real life, you have to talk to people you disagree with or dislike all the time! I"#8217;m worried the skills for dealing with such people will become ATROPHIED. [SPEAKER] UNNAMED [LINE] What do you- [SPEAKER] UNNAMED [LINE] T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Smile and |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, do I ever love the broad stereotypes of cultures! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Do I ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They're like generalizations across races, only socially acceptable! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, did you know that Latin women are passionate and fiery? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That is the stereotype! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And British men are cultured and maybe a little stuffy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well what's the stereotype that applies to you T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, there isn't one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My people and I don't fit into your boxes, man [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And you recognize the double standard here? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Heck yes! I'm largely in favour of it! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I say largely because I like to keep my options open. Anyway! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Now, to change |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, do I ever love the broad stereotypes of cultures! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Do I ever! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They're like generalizations across races, only socially acceptable! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, did you know that Latin women are passionate and fiery? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That is the stereotype! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And British men are cultured and maybe a little stuffy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well what's the stereotype that applies to you T-Rex? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, there isn't one! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My people and I don't fit into your boxes, man [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And you recognize the double standard here? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Heck yes! I'm largely in favour of it! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I say largely because I like to keep my options open. Anyway! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Passionate Latin women? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] MID-AFTERNOON: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whew! What a fantastic nap! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It seems I just had a snooze... and didn't lose! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ho ho! Did you hear that, Dromiceiomimus? I had a snooze... and didn't lose! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Yes! Very clever, T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because normally people say "You snooze, you lose", but in my case I didn't lose anything! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But T-Rex, no matter what you do, you lose! Economics teaches us that there is an opportunity cost for every action. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And so by "snoozing", you are "losing" out on the chance to do anything you could have done - cure cancer, perhaps! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's stupid, and since when did we start personifying social sciences? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Anyway, Ryan moved to a new city this weekend. He loaded up all |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] MID-AFTERNOON: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whew! What a fantastic nap! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It seems I just had a snooze... and didn't lose! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ho ho! Did you hear that, Dromiceiomimus? I had a snooze... and didn't lose! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Yes! Very clever, T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because normally people say "You snooze, you lose", but in my case I didn't lose anything! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But T-Rex, no matter what you do, you lose! Economics teaches us that there is an opportunity cost for every action. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And so by "snoozing", you are "losing" out on the chance to do anything you could have done - cure cancer, perhaps! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's stupid, and since when did we start personifying social sciences? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My friend, I am simply asking the questions that need to be asked! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wrote some fan fiction last night! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But T-Rex, most fan fiction has characters from TV and movies acting implausibly in implausible situations, and also kissing each other! Does - does yours? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Perhaps! There are many twists and turns and revelations in my exciting non-canon tale, Dromiceiomimus! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what show is it about? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No show! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's actually - surprise! - UTAHRAPTOR and DROMICEIOMIMUS fan fiction! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You didn't. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed I did, good sir! And may I just say, "smoochie smoochie"? Hah hah! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It raises many philosophical questions! |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wrote some fan fiction last night! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But T-Rex, most fan fiction has characters from TV and movies acting implausibly in implausible situations, and also kissing each other! Does - does yours? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Perhaps! There are many twists and turns and revelations in my exciting non-canon tale, Dromiceiomimus! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what show is it about? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No show! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's actually - surprise! - UTAHRAPTOR and DROMICEIOMIMUS fan fiction! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You didn't. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed I did, good sir! And may I just say, "smoochie smoochie"? Hah hah! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (You kiss in my story!) |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CUTE COMICS IN FRENCH written for the now-abandoned project "COMICS FOR FRENCH KIDS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Allo bonjour! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Moi, je suis un dinosaure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Je suis un dinosaure EXTRAORDINAIRE! Je suis grand et vert. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] J'aime des choses et d'autres choses! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Moi, je suis un loup-garou! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah oui? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oui, je suis un loup-garou! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] C'est quelque chose incroyable, ca! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oui, je sais! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ne me mange pas, s'il vous plait! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] D'accord, mon ami! D'accord! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, merci bien, monsieur! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In some comics when a character is confused, |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CUTE COMICS IN FRENCH written for the now-abandoned project "COMICS FOR FRENCH KIDS" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Allo bonjour! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Moi, je suis un dinosaure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Je suis un dinosaure EXTRAORDINAIRE! Je suis grand et vert. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] J'aime des choses et d'autres choses! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Moi, je suis un loup-garou! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah oui? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oui, je suis un loup-garou! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] C'est quelque chose incroyable, ca! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oui, je sais! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ne me mange pas, s'il vous plait! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] D'accord, mon ami! D'accord! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, merci bien, monsieur! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] J'aime toi et des choses et d'autres choses! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: WORLD POLITICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So you've got lots of countries, right? Only, you can dismiss about 90% of these, since they don't really affect the agreed-upon "world scene". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So then you've got this small collection of countries that make all the news! World politics is how these countries relate to one another, and, internally, to themselves. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's good, but this definition seems a little unnecessary! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How so? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, people know what politics are, and "world politics" is just a straightforward application of the adjective. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, you're nerding up the place! I don't need to hear this talk about "applying adjectives". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] To make up for THAT, I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day talking about women I've had the opportunity to kiss! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is a good day I think for people volunteering unwanted personal information about themselves! |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: WORLD POLITICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So you've got lots of countries, right? Only, you can dismiss about 90% of these, since they don't really affect the agreed-upon "world scene". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So then you've got this small collection of countries that make all the news! World politics is how these countries relate to one another, and, internally, to themselves. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's good, but this definition seems a little unnecessary! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] How so? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, people know what politics are, and "world politics" is just a straightforward application of the adjective. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, you're nerding up the place! I don't need to hear this talk about "applying adjectives". [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] To make up for THAT, I'm going to have to spend the rest of the day talking about women I've had the opportunity to kiss! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's much more interesting than world politics was anyway. It's got women! Women in the |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, long-forgotten childhood friends! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LONG FORGOTTEN CHILDHOOD FRIENDS COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I miss them! Sure, we were probably a little petty and -- well, kids, but it feels like those friendships were somehow simpler... more pure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder what all my old friends are up to now... I haven't seen most of them since grade five! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, you're in luck! I ran into one of the old neighbourhood kids today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You did? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yes! Remember that little red-scaled dinosaur you had the biggest crush on? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh my goodness! The little red-scaled dinosaur? How is she? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well she's all grown up now! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, wow! Did she mention me at all? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My other problem is I don't have a plotline either. |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ah, long-forgotten childhood friends! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LONG FORGOTTEN CHILDHOOD FRIENDS COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I miss them! Sure, we were probably a little petty and -- well, kids, but it feels like those friendships were somehow simpler... more pure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder what all my old friends are up to now... I haven't seen most of them since grade five! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, you're in luck! I ran into one of the old neighbourhood kids today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You did? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yes! Remember that little red-scaled dinosaur you had the biggest crush on? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh my goodness! The little red-scaled dinosaur? How is she? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well she's all grown up now! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, wow! Did she mention me at all? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I used to hide in the bushes outside her house! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LECTURE NOTES COMICS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TODAY'S LECTURE: DISCRETE MATH [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Pay attention, now! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] if you do not like math then skip this comic (seriously) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The circuit satisfiability problem is determining if there are some inputs that make the outputs of a circuit "true"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A closely related problem is the formula satisfiability problem, SAP, which can be mapped one-to-one, and in linear time, to the circuit satisfiability problem. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what does this mean? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] If we can solve SAT problems in f(n) time, then circuit-SAT can be solved in 0(n) + f(n) time! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But circuit-SAT can not be solved quickly. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed. Therefore, SAT is as "hard" as circuit-SAT. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Similarly hard problems are "Clique", "Vertex-Cover" and the Travelling Salesman Problem. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Solving these problems (P) can be accomplished in polynomial time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Verifying solutions (NP) can also be done in polynomial time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder, is happiness such a valid |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LECTURE NOTES COMICS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] TODAY'S LECTURE: DISCRETE MATH [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Pay attention, now! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] if you do not like math then skip this comic (seriously) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The circuit satisfiability problem is determining if there are some inputs that make the outputs of a circuit "true"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A closely related problem is the formula satisfiability problem, SAP, which can be mapped one-to-one, and in linear time, to the circuit satisfiability problem. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what does this mean? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] If we can solve SAT problems in f(n) time, then circuit-SAT can be solved in 0(n) + f(n) time! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But circuit-SAT can not be solved quickly. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Indeed. Therefore, SAT is as "hard" as circuit-SAT. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Similarly hard problems are "Clique", "Vertex-Cover" and the Travelling Salesman Problem. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Solving these problems (P) can be accomplished in polynomial time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Verifying solutions (NP) can also be done in polynomial time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The question is... does P = NP? |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The manliest thing in the world? Easy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wastin' food! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, imagine a guy who orders a big steak dinner with all the fixings, and then when it's delivered, he just flips it onto the floor! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That would be one tough dude! I would rate him, "Super Manly". [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Okay, you've lost me: how is wasting food manly? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It just is! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It captures the ESSENCE of masculinity: doing stuff that we think is cool, even though there's many a good reason not to do it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Like flipping plates of food onto the ground? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Like friggin' draining a lake, filling it with Sloppy Joes, and then spraying the whole thing with pesticides! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And piloting the crop duster PERSONALLY. I tell you, wasting food: the manliest thing in the world! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes, OBVIOUSLY. And my |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The manliest thing in the world? Easy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wastin' food! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man, imagine a guy who orders a big steak dinner with all the fixings, and then when it's delivered, he just flips it onto the floor! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That would be one tough dude! I would rate him, "Super Manly". [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Okay, you've lost me: how is wasting food manly? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It just is! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It captures the ESSENCE of masculinity: doing stuff that we think is cool, even though there's many a good reason not to do it! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Like flipping plates of food onto the ground? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Like friggin' draining a lake, filling it with Sloppy Joes, and then spraying the whole thing with pesticides! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And piloting the crop duster PERSONALLY. I tell you, wasting food: the manliest thing in the world! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That and punchin' stuff! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, I'm not really comfortable with the fact that my mind is actually something physical. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It implies that everything I am, everything I think, can be altered! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's scary! Some people who suffer brain damage can have their entire personality rewritten. Heck, add some chemcials and you can alter how and what a person thinks! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's crazy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Crazy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And this freaks you out? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It really does. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what freaks me out the most, though? It's those remote control cyborg cockroaches they've made by pretty much taking over the animal's nervous system. I can just imagine the insect screaming endlessly in it's mind as its own body is made alien. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh my God! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've got a question: who the hell goes to Cornwall? |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, I'm not really comfortable with the fact that my mind is actually something physical. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It implies that everything I am, everything I think, can be altered! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's scary! Some people who suffer brain damage can have their entire personality rewritten. Heck, add some chemcials and you can alter how and what a person thinks! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's crazy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Crazy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] And this freaks you out? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It really does. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what freaks me out the most, though? It's those remote control cyborg cockroaches they've made by pretty much taking over the animal's nervous system. I can just imagine the insect screaming endlessly in it's mind as its own body is made alien. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Oh my God! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Anyway, that was sort of tangential! Getting back to the |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What a good mood I am in today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I declare: high fives all around! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey Dromiceiomimus! Give me a thigh five! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] A what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? Whoah, I meant to say "A high five", of course! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man. What an embarrassing slip of the tongue! I have to go now! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What the heck? A thigh five? Where did that even come from? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What's going on? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, hey Utahraptor. DID YOU KNOW that I just accidentally asked the Dromiceiomimus to give me a thigh five? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hah hah! I did NOT! What would that be, anyway? You both on your backs, slapping your legs together in the air? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My friend, thigh fives are a ridiculous way of expressing enthusiasm. I am aware of this! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wow, all I have to do |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What a good mood I am in today! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I declare: high fives all around! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey Dromiceiomimus! Give me a thigh five! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] A what? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? Whoah, I meant to say "A high five", of course! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh man. What an embarrassing slip of the tongue! I have to go now! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LATER: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What the heck? A thigh five? Where did that even come from? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] What's going on? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh, hey Utahraptor. DID YOU KNOW that I just accidentally asked the Dromiceiomimus to give me a thigh five? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Hah hah! I did NOT! What would that be, anyway? You both on your backs, slapping your legs together in the air? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My friend, thigh fives are a ridiculous way of expressing enthusiasm. I am aware of this! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This is not the issue here! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've come to accept that I will be able to live down anything I do, given enough time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So: no worries! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That's a healthy attitude, T-Rex! It'll let you explore things you otherwise might not, because you won't be worried about what others think! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Exactly! I am a well-adjusted dinosaur. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wait, let me talk to you before you go too far with this! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure! What's up? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well - it's just, you tend to take ideas to comedic extremes. So I just wanted to make sure you remember that you shouldn't dismiss the opinions of others entirely! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Of course! "Social Constraints Serve A Useful Purpose"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sleeping with the window open: |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've come to accept that I will be able to live down anything I do, given enough time! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So: no worries! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That's a healthy attitude, T-Rex! It'll let you explore things you otherwise might not, because you won't be worried about what others think! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Exactly! I am a well-adjusted dinosaur. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Wait, let me talk to you before you go too far with this! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Sure! What's up? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well - it's just, you tend to take ideas to comedic extremes. So I just wanted to make sure you remember that you shouldn't dismiss the opinions of others entirely! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Of course! "Social Constraints Serve A Useful Purpose"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I remember from the trial! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The craziest thing happened to me yesterday! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was the CRAZIEST! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was so crazy, I don't feel comfortable talking about it. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] And yet, you're talking about talking about it, so do you want me to ask what the crazy thing was? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No thank you! It was too CRAZY. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You know what? I bet it wasn't even very crazy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Was it very crazy? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My friend, it was so crazy it was OFF THE HOOK. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's pretty crazy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] This stops here! Admit you had nothing to do with GTAIV, The |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The craziest thing happened to me yesterday! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was the CRAZIEST! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was so crazy, I don't feel comfortable talking about it. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] And yet, you're talking about talking about it, so do you want me to ask what the crazy thing was? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No thank you! It was too CRAZY. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You know what? I bet it wasn't even very crazy! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Was it very crazy? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] My friend, it was so crazy it was OFF THE HOOK. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] That's pretty crazy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] As I say, it's analogous to leaving one's phone off the hook. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hmm... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yep, it's certain! I can find NO DOWNSIDES with being immortal. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] What about a world-weariness that can only come from watching everyone you know and love age and die while you remain stuck in a perpetual youth? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's okay! Come on: living forever? I could do anything! I could do EVERYTHING - twice! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But what if there's no food, and you're hellishly starving for an eternity? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Could that happen?! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, I don't see why not. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But then, where would I be getting my energy from? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hmm... I guess the idea of immortality DOES clash with the scientific principles of conservation of energy. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And so, once again, I am forced to reject a fantasy because it is based on bad science! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have a new problem. Now I have come |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hmm... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yep, it's certain! I can find NO DOWNSIDES with being immortal. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] What about a world-weariness that can only come from watching everyone you know and love age and die while you remain stuck in a perpetual youth? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's okay! Come on: living forever? I could do anything! I could do EVERYTHING - twice! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] But what if there's no food, and you're hellishly starving for an eternity? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Could that happen?! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Well, I don't see why not. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But then, where would I be getting my energy from? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hmm... I guess the idea of immortality DOES clash with the scientific principles of conservation of energy. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And so, once again, I am forced to reject a fantasy because it is based on bad science! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (Science means that not all dreams can come true!) |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, I've always wanted to travel to the future! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Always! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It would be SO COOL to see how things work out. Wouldn't you agree, Dromiceiomimus? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I guess! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also, I'd take back future technology with me and claim it as my own invention. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You can't do that, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Says you! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Says LOGIC. Think about it: if you did that, then where did the idea for the invention come from? You didn't have it, and now the future inventor won't have it either... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A paradox! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Um, maybe if you were |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Man, I've always wanted to travel to the future! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Always! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It would be SO COOL to see how things work out. Wouldn't you agree, Dromiceiomimus? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] I guess! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also, I'd take back future technology with me and claim it as my own invention. [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] You can't do that, T-Rex! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Says you! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Says LOGIC. Think about it: if you did that, then where did the idea for the invention come from? You didn't have it, and now the future inventor won't have it either... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A paradox! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Yes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] There's nothing funny about paradoxes. |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A FAILED EXPERIMENT HAS CAUSED TIME TO BECOME UNGLUED! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh no! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] EFFECT PRECEDES CAUSE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a disaster! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CAN NOTHING BE DONE TO RESTORE THE NATURAL ORDER? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex, this is no time to begin stomping on houses! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? I already stomped on it like 5 seconds ag- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] OH MY GOODNESS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] IS THE WORLD DOOMED? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex! I have a desperate plan to save us all! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hooray! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] OUR LAST, BEST HOPE: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] All we have to do is re-run the temporal experiment BACKWARDS, thereby forcing time back into its usual lattice inversion structure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That sounds just scientific enough to work! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE THAN EVER! EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BECOME A BABY OR SOMETHING! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let my last words be an incentive against the words "blog" and "blogosphere"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ahh, another relaxing day for me, T-Rex, the |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A FAILED EXPERIMENT HAS CAUSED TIME TO BECOME UNGLUED! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh no! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] EFFECT PRECEDES CAUSE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a disaster! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CAN NOTHING BE DONE TO RESTORE THE NATURAL ORDER? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex, this is no time to begin stomping on houses! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? I already stomped on it like 5 seconds ag- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] OH MY GOODNESS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] IS THE WORLD DOOMED? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex! I have a desperate plan to save us all! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hooray! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] OUR LAST, BEST HOPE: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] All we have to do is re-run the temporal experiment BACKWARDS, thereby forcing time back into its usual lattice inversion structure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That sounds just scientific enough to work! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE THAN EVER! EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BECOME A BABY OR SOMETHING! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let my last words be an incentive against the words "blog" and "blogosphere"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have lived as few men dared dream! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A FAILED EXPERIMENT HAS CAUSED TIME TO BECOME UNGLUED! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh no! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] EFFECT PRECEDES CAUSE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a disaster! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CAN NOTHING BE DONE TO RESTORE THE NATURAL ORDER? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex, this is no time to begin stomping on houses! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? I already stomped on it like 5 seconds ag- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] OH MY GOODNESS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] IS THE WORLD DOOMED? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex! I have a desperate plan to save us all! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hooray! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] OUR LAST, BEST HOPE: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] All we have to do is re-run the temporal experiment BACKWARDS, thereby forcing time back into its usual lattice inversion structure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That sounds just scientific enough to work! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE THAN EVER! EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BECOME A BABY OR SOMETHING! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let my last words be an incentive against the words "blog" and "blogosphere"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Well, do you want to come over now? |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] A FAILED EXPERIMENT HAS CAUSED TIME TO BECOME UNGLUED! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh no! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] EFFECT PRECEDES CAUSE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's a disaster! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] CAN NOTHING BE DONE TO RESTORE THE NATURAL ORDER? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex, this is no time to begin stomping on houses! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? I already stomped on it like 5 seconds ag- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] OH MY GOODNESS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] IS THE WORLD DOOMED? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] T-Rex! I have a desperate plan to save us all! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hooray! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] OUR LAST, BEST HOPE: [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] All we have to do is re-run the temporal experiment BACKWARDS, thereby forcing time back into its usual lattice inversion structure! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That sounds just scientific enough to work! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] BUT THAT MAKES THINGS WORSE THAN EVER! EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BECOME A BABY OR SOMETHING! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Let my last words be an incentive against the words "blog" and "blogosphere"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have lived as few men dared dream! |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ssh! Come closer! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know secrets! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Oh, is this one of those dumb Conspiracy Secrets, wherein fluoride is actually designed to induce pregnancy in freshly married women or something? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Huh? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what's the secret? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh right! Well, the secret is that when doctors and nurses are "taking your pulse", they're not actually doing that! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Really? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Really! They're actually discreetly observing your breathing. They do it on the sly because if you're aware of it, it changes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Aw man, way to ruin me for any doctor! Now I might have a respiratory problem and I'LL NEVER KNOW. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Did you just squeeze my bum? |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ssh! Come closer! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I know secrets! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN: SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Oh, is this one of those dumb Conspiracy Secrets, wherein fluoride is actually designed to induce pregnancy in freshly married women or something? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Huh? [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] So what's the secret? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Oh right! Well, the secret is that when doctors and nurses are "taking your pulse", they're not actually doing that! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Really? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Really! They're actually discreetly observing your breathing. They do it on the sly because if you're aware of it, it changes! [SPEAKER] UTAHRAPTOR [LINE] Aw man, way to ruin me for any doctor! Now I might have a respiratory problem and I'LL NEVER KNOW. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hah hah! I am an agent |