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Is anybody mainly scared of simply being perceived? Like I don’t really care if they think I’m dumb or even *like* me at this point in my life… but something about knowing people see me is terrifying. Eye contact is the absolute worst because it’s 100 percent focus. I always try to look people in the eyes but HAVE to look away within a second otherwise I feel like they’ll hate me. I’m 24M and it’s waaaay worse with women, I feel like I’m invading their space just looking anywhere near them to the point I don’t even know what their face looks like after an interaction. When my best friend of 10 years comes over to watch a movie I will not glance in their direction the entire time and stay on my side of the couch. But I can converse just fine and not overthink my words at all. I also feel like I have tunnel vision when im in grocery stores and if I go to a restaurant I will be stiffly hunched over my plate staring at the wall the entire time. I just realized being blind would be kinda awesome and probably take away like 90 percent of my stressors. Okay this got way out of hand im baked goodnight and if you’re reading this I love you

Personality disorder

I’m worried I’m second choice I met a guy on a trip two years ago. He told mutual friends that he liked me, and he asked them not to tell me, but they did. When he found out that I knew, he cut off all contact with me. Two months later, he and his girlfriend broke up. I have to admit that before he was single, I'd look at his TikToks a lot. I never liked or commented on it; I'd just watch the videos. A few days before he and his girlfriend broke up, I noticed that my TikToks would go up. I had 3 followers, but whenever I'd watch his videos, a few hours later, my TikTok views would rise. I even tried doing it on certain days; eg. I'd watch his videos one day, watch it two days later, then the day after, and each time I saw them, my views went up, and on the days that I didn't watch them, they stayed the same. This continued for the better part of a year. Last year, it was still frequent, but less so. Now, it's every two or three weeks that we do this. One time, he even posted a TikTok in English (English isn't his first language, and all of his previous videos were in his native language). TikTok wasn't the only platform he was looking at me on. He would do it on Twitter too. One time, I retweeted a picture of a Star Wars character. Less than an hour later, he posted a meme of that same character. The meme was in English, and it's not that I want to say that the meme wasn't funny, but it was obvious that he posted it just to post it. There's been at least three other instances where he did something similar. However, twice he did things that tickled me funny. About six months after they broke up, he started following her on TikTok, but unfollowed her within a few hours (probably because she didn’t follow him back). A month later, one of his ex's close friends posted a TikTok video with his ex in it. He started following this friend. Around eight months of this going on, he made his Instagram and TikTok private. I have no idea why. But I can tell he still looks at my TikTok, because TikTok tells who looks at your profile. I don’t post much, and he looks at it every two to three days.

Personality disorder

You're actually all great people and this subreddit is living proof. I've been on this subreddit for a good period of time now and it's quite an active one with several posts every day and pretty much all of them receive a response of some sort whether it's about people asking for advice or venting. There's no toxicity. There's no arguing. There's just empathy and help. So I just want to say that although living with AvPD can be a painful existence that eats away at our self-esteem, I appreciate all of you for making this subreddit such a great space.

Personality disorder

I make people uncomfortable My presence makes others uncomfortable and i can feel it. There's this awkwardness. Whenever I need to go out and i have to interact with others or when I'm with my own family, i feel it. And i know that awkwardness is because of me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I know some will say it's in your head but no i really feel like my presence is just uncomfortable to be around. You know sometimes people can sense things? People can sense when you're sad or in my case, uncomfortable in social interactions so they pick up on that and they aren't used to that so then everything becomes uncomfortable. I don't like this feeling.

Personality disorder

Conversational and social skills… what are they I think I’ve never given myself a chance to develop them because of AvPD. I could’ve had a fuller social life in school but I was so in my shell, I just had a few close friends. And even with them, I felt I could’ve been better. It seemed like they all clicked with each other very well and even though we were all good friends, sometimes there was something missing in my connection with people. I know they say skills are to be learned but it really really REALLY seems like it’s just inborn for other people. So I just do everything I can to avoid one on one conversations so nobody has the chance to think I’m weird and don’t know how to talk or something.

Personality disorder

Just a quick moment of levity Hey guys what are your 3 favorite/special films and 1 tv show you adore:) Mine are: 1.Cherry 2.Drive 3.Wind River ...Mandy is also one of favs, especially the first half of the film. And I'm a huge Stranger Things fan, that's my favourite tv show

Personality disorder

I can’t sustain long conversations It doesn’t matter who the other person is, if we are engaged in a conversation, the longer it takes the more symptoms I get. At first I am ok, then the worry begins in my head where at the same time I am talking, I start observing myself. The conversation continues but at this time the symptoms I have been worried about begin to appear, my ears turn red, my lips start to shake, my thinking start to prepare for the impending possibility of having a panic attack while at the same time I start observing that the person I am talking to has now noticed that I am having a reaction. My voice start to tremble as I must make some type of escape. Shame overtakes me as I now know that the other person knows that something just went wrong. I abruptly end the conversation and remove myself now completely drained and knowing that in future conversations with that person, this previous terrible episode will be the thing in my head and wondering if it will also be in their head. Later on as days pass, I start noticing that the other person also becomes uncomfortable and looks anxious when talking to me but seems happy and relaxed when talking to other people. After sometime, I start avoiding them because it takes a toll on me. If it is a place of employment, over time I will have many of such episodes with different people and it becomes too much so I quit so I can start fresh somewhere else but I already know what the outcome will be at each new place. I am 56 and have been like that since High School. Some medications have helped, particularly Effexor. Also thinking about my lungs breathing and doing mindfulness while conversing have reduced it tremendously, but many times I forget to do the work and I get the episodes. This is all from times in my childhood where I was shamed in front of others and ridiculed by aunts, uncles, grandparents and teachers. One of my grandma’s used to on many occasions take her frustrations on me when I did something bad. So for some reason now, when I talk to other adults, it triggers all of the reactions I had as a child when I was getting yelled at.

Personality disorder

Feeling disconnected from peers - how do I stand out to fit in? Hi, I've been struggling a lot in school from even before college and lonely for most of my life. I've been the odd one out since back when and slow on socialising - I can't seem to use social media well (too afraid that my relatives will find it) and/or hold conversations for very long even though I find people with the same interests. I've gotten responses that range from implying that I annoy them or getting told my way of thinking is... strange(?) I'm not sure how to phrase this since I tend to notice my ideas get shot down and nitpicked more than others in my friend group or even project team setting. I started withdrawing from my social circles as a result and getting used to living alone with myself. My family been supportive of me thus far and I shouldnt complain but I cant live like this for very long - I want to express myself and find a space for my art, craft and ideas that accepts me for me. And I'm sure in order to be independent, I need to also be comfortable with myself. But I'm not. I live life now never crossing the line with people even if I think its a terrible idea and is proven to be for the purpose of avoiding conflict, I withhold my ideas so as to not seem radical or stupid and avoid being berated or talked down. I feel like a NPC living a scripted life. How do we overcome this and have the courage to live for us? Can I do it in a way to eliminate these stresses? Or is avoiding them the main issue?

Personality disorder

I love the idea of a romantic relationship, but I can’t put the work in. I (28M) feel like any kind of dating/relationships is just work - work, work, work, work, work. I like the idea of having a connection in my life, but I don’t think I’m willing to do what it takes. I think bc I’m so low-maintenance, I attract a lot of very clingy needy people which made me hate the idea of dating because they’d never leave me alone. And not just the process of dating itself (which sucks for most people); but just being in a relationship, requires too much work and expectations. Maybe I’m just lazy, but how do you have the motivation to keep going with dating when it’s just annoyance?

Personality disorder

crippling guilt from my inability to answer texts I don’t know how common this is but it’s extremely difficult for me to find the strength in me to text people back and it’s killing my (nonexistent) social life and the possibility of ever finding love. I live in constant guilt/dread knowing that I have people in my DMs trying to contact me to hang out, but my fear of embarrassment and awkwardness is freaking killing me. All i’ve ever wanted was to belong and be able to make friends, but my brain literally stops me in my tracks. It’s also necessary to note that I have ADHD (primarily inattentive) and once I take my medication, I’m lucky to have maybe 30min of adequate dopamine levels to push myself and reply. Sometimes I do reply, but when I go back to baseline I just want to isolate and be in my dark room. I really feel like I’m being tortured by my own brain. It’s a terrible feeling to crave social interaction but to also be deathly afraid of the possibility that I could ruin everything and be viewed as an embarrassment. I really don’t feel worthy of having the opportunity to make friends. My SSRIs have made me so numb and my personality rarely sparkles anymore, so I can’t imagine anyone would want to be around someone so dull. Do any of you relate?? It feels like a mental trap.

Personality disorder

Currently grieving the life I‘ll never have Yes I‘m working on myself and it‘s never to late to start/change. But some things are time sensitive and I‘ll just have to accept I‘ll never have children for example. Sure I could pop one out right now, but that wouldn‘t be the responsible thing to do given my mental state as well as just my general state of things. There just isn‘t enough time for me to get well enough, get my life in order, find a reasonable partner get married and start a family before time runs out. So now I‘m just trying to prepare myself for when the inevitable comes and I‘m still here left alone probably still struggling mentally. That is all, I‘m sad this disorder has robbed me of so much and I still can‘t seem to get a handle on it.

Personality disorder

is there a point in trying to completely get over this shit i try so hard to get close to people and basically no ones ever responsive, and literally no one gives more than baseline politeness. i expend so much energy trying and nothing comes of it. all i get is hurt because people dont care about me at all. it hurts so much to try and get nothing and rejection in return. I'm genuinely wondering if there's really any point in me continuing to try when nothing works out and i just end up in so much pain. i want to just give up and isolate, to save energy and prevent this fucking god awful pain i keep feeling over and over again every time something social comes up i understand part of this hopeless feeling is my unrelenting depression but ive quite literally never been able to develop true close relationships outside fucking elementary school and im 21 now

Personality disorder

just turned to my coworker and talked one day i've always been in awe of people who can just start talking. every time i think 'i could say this!' it's immediately dogpiled with other thoughts. the self hating ones. i don't have it in me to list them right now, but if you're reading this, unfortunately you probably know what i mean. anyway. i was heading out for my break on saturday, and i got my marlboros out of my locker. (smoking is bad, i know). i bought them off a friend of a friend who stocked up on her trip to italy. so i turned to my coworker (notoriously one of if not the most outgoing in our little crew), and said "hey, check these out." and i showed him the picture of the blackened lung on the carton, and we kind of joked about how fucked up it is that those kinds of health warnings are the norm in other countries, but not here (USA). i don't really know what was different this time. it must have been a beneficial glitch, because i haven't shown that degree of spontaneity since, especially not while 100% sober. it was nothing. and the self hating thoughts came right after. but once those settled a bit, it was nice. thanks so much for reading, i just wanted to ramble as always.

Personality disorder

one interaction ruins the whole day If I interact with 5 people a day, 4 turn out to be ok, and the other 1 will destroy my whole mood. is it not better not to interact with all 5?

Personality disorder

Can denying my sexuality be a cause of AVPD? So few years back i got AVPD diagnosis. I am now trying to get out of this rut and fix things. Thing is: i have avoided everything all my life, even my feelings. So its hard. One thing i am thinking of past few days is that when i knew i was gay at 13 years old, i avoided thinking about it and refusing to accept my sexuality. I only came out once i was 19. So 6 years i was 'locked' in avoiding being who i am. I am in my 30s now and after a bad breakup been trying to figure my life out. Is it possible that being ' in the closet' for more then 6 years contribute in developing AVPD? As i notice i still dont accept my sexuality 100% and still think what people might think of it and reject me because of my sexuality. Thats what i did when i first figured out i was gay, thinking that my then friends would bully or reject me... Any other gay people here who can relate?

Personality disorder

I just need to vent about my partner. I think my partner has bpd maybe AvPD Hi everyone. I have no idea how to start this. I’m honestly not even sure if bpd or AvPD is correct I’m just grasping at straws at this point. My (27f) boyfriend (28m)’s brother has been diagnosed with bpd. Which is why this is my first step. And while I’m obviously not looking for someone to diagnose him like this, I’m just lost. And need someone to listen. I am massively struggling in my relationship and I just need someone to listen. Even if this goes nowhere. My boyfriend asks for a lot of things for himself but is very hypocritical if I were to ask the same in return. (We just had a long talk so my brain is sort of foggy on details and I can’t quite think of an example of that at the moment) he does ask for things in one moment and when I do them or stick to it, he tells me it’s wrong. Example, he has wanted to get a photo ID for a while. We have two options, drivers licence or a photo card. About a month or probably two ago, he said he needed photo ID for a test at work he’d been putting off. Then he said not long ago that we don’t motivate each other to do the things we need to. I know he has anxiety planning things and doesn’t want to so for our anniversary I said “pick which ID you want, I’ll drive you there, pay for it, and it’ll be done. I’ll put all the planning into it. All good” and he loved that idea. The day we were supposed to go, he was angry about something and it caused an argument. So we didn’t go. Which got pushed off to the next week and the week after. To today. Each week he said “I’ll do it next week on my day off” so I asked and he pushed it again. Today we spoke about it and while he’s not good at planning, I was waiting around to find out if we were going or not, as I wanted to plan when I was done work and went to get gas and groceries. When it was about 2 hours before we had to leave if we were going for him to take the drivers test, I told him that I didn’t care if we went but if he wanted to study more, now was the time. He told me tonight that he only did it so ID shut up about it and when I said “you told me you wanted more motivation so I gave it to you” he just said “fair”. But we always have those moments where he says he wants something and I change to do it but then he gets pissy about it. If I try and talk to him about my needs or what I’m wanting more of or how I’m hurt by something, he tells me that he just wants to be left alone and that he never asked me for anything. Or he’ll just give me all the things about himself that suck or how he feels and completely disregards what I was even talking about. If we have an argument for 1 full hour let’s say. There will be lulls in the argument. Maybe every 15 minutes. Maybe start, half hour mark, and then end. It always changes but the lull is when he sits, listens, and answers me with respect. The other times it’s that I have said even one word to set him off and he’s miserable. And angry and not nice. I’m finding myself constantly working around his moods. Sort of judging if now is a good time to even show him a TikTok or something I find interesting. If he agrees with what I’m showing him, all is good. If he doesn’t, he gets angry. Says he’s confused and basically shuts down. Tells me he thinks that’s dumb or “why would someone even do that. They’re not part of my life. Why do I even need to listen to that”. If I’m talking about my work or just complaining, he’ll tell me why he doesn’t want to hear it. That it’s not part of his world so it doesn’t matter. I’ve asked him certain things to stop or change and whenever I do he’ll tell me something he needs in return. He can’t just take blame for things. Sometimes he can. But normally can’t. I definitely do not help the situation because I am at his every beck and call and he’s at none of mine. If he asks to be left alone, and I walk to another room, he says he feels guilty that I’m going away. And that he’ll just sit and stew and feel bad and then he doesn’t get his way anyway. He wants to be left alone a lot. Can’t ever take anything I say and listen. Always has to tell me why whatever I’m going through is something he’d love to have or how his life is worse. Example; we moved for his work. Away from my family and friends and my best friend dropped me. While she was being shitty all the time, she was the last person I had to talk to. And if I’m sad about it, he tells me that’s his dream for people to leave him alone and he doesn’t understand why I’m upset. If something small happens, he wildly blows it out of proportion. Especially if it’s something he doesn’t understand. I have to be careful with how I joke with him because he will take everything to heart but has zero problem disrespecting me or poking fun at me for something. If we go out at all, he doesn’t want to be there and will usually get extremely high or drunk to avoid socializing because it makes him anxious. I’m just not sure if this is like anything anyone has dealt with and I’m looking for advice or help or just something. Thank you for reading this long novel. I really appreciate you all.

Personality disorder

I don’t know if I actually have AvPD Last few months I was struggeling with lots of depression. So I started looking on internet and I found lots of mental illnesses and I really felt like this one is really matching my symptoms. Now when I somehow improved my depression I see myself differently and I feel differently. I had depression my whole life without even realizing it, for me having depression was a normal state sme I had no idea that there is a non-depression state. But now when my depression improved I see that some of AvPD symptoms starting disappearing and I feel better. But at this point I am just not sure, I might have it and depression was making it worse. And I might now have it and it was “just” depression all the time.

Personality disorder

Mentally Exhausted I have been very mentally exhausted. I don’t mind working long hours at my job, it’s just at my job there’s a lot of people around (since it’s a large store connected to a bunch of departments.) A few months since I graduated high school I’ve been working. But I can’t seem to really talk to people. I have a tendency to avoid the groups, sometimes I can’t even open my mouth. It’s even worse when I think about how much I suck, and how awful I look. I feel like an inconvenience and a burden, because plainly I am pretty stupid. Even though at the beginning of my job I was putting on a smile and a happy voice to convince myself it was okay, I can’t even get myself to smile or look people in the eyes unless I have to. I am so exhausted. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am depressed, both mentally and physically tired. I really have no plans for my future.

Personality disorder

Feeling like I don't do enough I'm not sure if this is due to the disorder or not, if it's imposter syndrome, if it's from old Christian mantras of "put others before yourself" being baked into my psyche since childhood, or if it's a combination of all three; but I often feel like I don't do enough for other people in my life. Whether it's with other family members, close friends, or co-workers, I often get this sense. I work from home. And I've done a lot on our current project over the course of this past year. But now that we're sitting near the finish line, almost ready to go-live with not much else to do other than wait for the cutover, I can't help but feel some kind of guilt like I'm not doing enough. Even though I helped our team make a ton of progress in the past few months. With friends or family it often comes in the form of "should I be there?" or "I know I be there, be present, but I really don't want to" and then I just feel like a POS terrible friend/sibling/son/etc. for not doing it. For example, a relative of mine had a gender reveal party a few weeks ago. Naturally, I didn't go. I'm not particularly close with this family member and haven't been for years. Nonetheless I still felt like an asshole for skipping. Especially later when I talked to my dad and asked how it went; I asked "who was there?" and he said "Just about everyone. Except for you". I don't think he intended to make me feel guilty, but it kind of did. My mom corrected him later and pointed out a few other family members that didn't make it, but nonetheless I felt like I didn't do enough. Even though, again, this relative having the child and I don't really talk or show interest in one another's lives anymore. Another example is a friend, a close friend, who really does their best to help me get out of the house and do things. They'll invite me to things at bars or restaurants, and 9 times out of 10 I don't go. Part of me appreciates the hell out of that, because I need it, and it's nice to be included/wanted. Another part of me wishes they'd leave me alone; because I don't think I'm interesting enough or worthy enough to hang out with. Then I start feeling a whirlwind of guilt and shame for bailing out of the request. Wondering if all these feelings of guilt or shame are part of the disorder, or if it's something else. Anyone else experience this?

Personality disorder

I can’t look at Reddit anymore There’s always someone being rejected, and when they show hatred for them, I feel hated as well.

Personality disorder

Devastated after finding out my little sister has a secret boyfriend Not sure if this belongs here, but I'm so upset about this that I haven't slept all night. My sister is my only friend. I feel like she understands me more than anyone else. I'm completely relaxed and comfortable around her; I can just be myself without overthinking what I look like and how I come across. She's basically the only person who is able to make me laugh. I've always been open with her about my thoughts, interests and even my mental health struggles. I know it's not healthy to expect one person to be my entire social life, but I literally don't have anyone else I can talk to about anything. Yesterday I found out that she's been lying to me by saying she's meeting up with friends from school and sleeping over at her bff's apartment, when in fact she has a rich foreigner boyfriend and she's been staying over at his place. He's also been driving her on trips to nearby cities. I knew this day would come; my little sister had to grow up someday and get a boyfriend, but I wasn't prepared to feel so alone, abandoned and betrayed. She never mentioned that guy to me and my father; I'm disappointed that I had to find out about him from my mother. I still haven't talked to her since I found out about her relationship, but I can't fathom why she would hide it from me when I've always told her everything. Of course I want her to be happy, but now all I'm left to do is wait for her to get married, move to a different country and forget about me, leaving me to rot and die miserable and alone.

Personality disorder

Does AvPD have another name in your language? In English there's both avoidant and anxious, whereas in German there's ängstlich-vermeidende (anxious-avoidant) and selbstunsichere (self insecure). The latter got me wondering if there are other names for it across the world.

Personality disorder

Did not even want to say hi to me I have an online friend and they really wanted me to meet their friend. I was hesitant but they told me that they’re nice so I joined their little discord server (literally had like 5 people total with me) with the intentions of maybe sending a message or two and never again. But their friend didn’t even want to say hi to me. Like my friend told him to say hi and he literally just said “no” . This happened a few days ago and I’m like really upset about it. He barely even knows anything about me. I talked to my friend today and they said that they think he is just jealous that i’m sort of close with them. But I’m still really really hurt and upset about. I feel like I’m not even deserving of being acknowledged or spoken to.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

The bar is so low, I can't even begin to describe it. All I know how to do is play video games, watch youtube and repeat the same things like a dumb monkey. The past 2 weeks, I tried taking a course in computer science and I tried starting to learn Japanese. And all I can do is watch and wait for something to click in my brain. There's nothing in me. No creativity, no self-sufficiency, no capacity for independent thought. I don't understand how I've made it this far. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Hopelessness/Too lateness Is there a point where one can consider it too late to do anything? Too late to try; too late to get treatment; too late for anything and everything? Too old? Or if someone is "too badly off?" I've seen some people around Reddit and the net refer to failed lives. I've recently made posts and tried to look around Reddit for people in a similar situation as mine and there seems to be *nobody*. And the only conclusion I can draw is that my circumstances are too uniquely screwed up. And AvPD along with other issues all intersecting have led to a completely failed life and me as a broken mess. Growing up (or developing) AvPD in a family full of NPD didn't help. Most subs seem to skew younger, which has me think that everybody either resolved their issues as they grew up or are no longer alive. How has anybody dealt with utter despair and hopelessness? Feeling too old and that it's too late to change anything satisfactorily? Does anyone have other issues/diagnoses that mix with AvPD to just make things impossible?

Personality disorder

Quality over quantity - Friendships I know people with AvPD struggle to maintain friendships and I do too. For me, I think it's the daily (or at least frequent) messaging to stay in touch that I struggle with. I will get tired and ignore messages just because I don't have the capacity to engage with a subject that I frankly probably don't care much about or I'm just worn out by the constant interaction. The messaging for the sake of messaging gets to me. if it's a friend that lived far away then I'd rather not speak for 6 months and then just meet up and have a good time before reverting back to usual which for me is far less exhausting and fortunately I do have a couple that are like that. Anyone relate?

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Longtime lurker with AvPD just wanting to vent about the fantasy of disappearing and starting a different life Using my alt throwaway because reasons. Recently I’ve been having a hard time, and although I have deeply caring and wonderful people in my life, I still isolate and as much as I crave time with others I get tired so easily after a short while. Also grew up with cluster B parents and family which doomed me to some kind of mental problems. Lately I’ve begun to think about the idea of just leaving. Disappearing, no trace. Not suicide. I’m not suicidal at all, I mean leaving, going somewhere I’m not known, changing all my details, and completely starting over. I can’t help but feel it would make no difference to anyone, in fact it might even be better. I’ve googled step by step ‘how to’s ’ on it. I’m hoping to be able to talk to others who have been in this dark of a place and what got you through - or any advice. Because this is mostly just a fantasy, but the idea is sticking in my head more than I’d like it to. I don’t actually want to go through with it. I think … *Edit for clarity, what got you through the mental state if you’ve felt this way, not advice on disappearing. Oops!😳

Personality disorder

I have a new therapist! I got a new therapist today. I am nervous. She called and she sounds nice. I have had horrible experiences in the past, but I decided that I can no longer be stuck. I need to move forward but I need help knowing how and maybe this will be helpful. I am going to try. "You gotta get up and try, try, try"

Personality disorder

I came off as an asshole today and I’m struggling with it I went to the mall to buy some fragrances and I came off as a massive asshole to the cashiers. There was originally only one girl that was attending the area I went to, so I thought I would be fine. Wrong. She seemed like she was new and when I asked her for the fragrance I wanted she seemed confused and said she was going to get someone to help me. She came back with two women, and they’re all staring at me while I say what I want. Then one of the women she brought back started asking me questions, I wasn’t prepared for this and I sort of shut down. She asked me what I was currently wearing and I lied and said I didn’t wear anything currently, then she asked me if I would wear something sweeter than the fragrance I had picked out and I just shook my head and looked at some other bottles of perfume. I acted mostly dismissive towards the three women because I was so uncomfortable and just wanted the situation to end. I wanted to get out of the situation as fast as possible so I grabbed a different fragrance that I was familiar with and told them I would just buy that. I had tried to prepare myself beforehand to speak to one person, because the last time I went there was only one person I had to talk to. Talking to three people made me so uncomfortable and I acted like a dismissive asshole. I thought it would be really easy for me since I already knew what I wanted and I assumed I could just tell the lady the name of what I wanted and she would tell me whether they had it or not. I also feel really bad for the new girl because I could tell she didn’t really know what she was doing and I just made it worse for her. And the lady that was asking me questions seemed very nice and I feel bad for acting the way I did. Now that I think about it, the second lady was probably trying to set an example to the new girl and I ruined it for her. I had avoided buying fragrances online in fear that the bottles would break in the mail but I will probably only buy them online from now on. This experience made me realize that I also act cold and asshole-ish to everyone that’s not the people I live with, or my mom. But that’s also the only way I can speak to people, so I’m kind of stuck between don’t socialize at all or act cold to everyone.

Personality disorder

what avoidance feels like to me i'm not diagnosed but i always thought there was something deeply wrong with me. i've never kept a friend longer than a couple years. i'm in my second year of college and i have been at zero since covid happened. i've transferred schools so new place and new people and i'm more isolated than before. it feels like i'm not human because i'm unable to do the human thing and communicate. like i'm watching and observing but as an alien or a void or something that looks human but if you look to closely its all distorted. or robotic even. someone's failed attempt at a human being. all i do is lay in bed and ruminate over every bad interaction with past friends and family or think about how my roommates or classmates perceive me. fake conversations justifying my actions to absolutely no one. it feels like i'm going insane. i thought it was just social anxiety but i don't get panic attacks. and my reluctance and inability feels wired directly into my veins, every fiber of my being and it feels like it can't be undone. like my entire identity is wrapped up in being alone. and that's all i'll ever be.

Personality disorder

as to not be a burden, i will now isolate myself. you are welcome! recently I've been distancing from my friend because I needed some space. but after a while, I noticed they seem... happier without me. like, actually laughing and smiling more, they even started talking to a very cool person. and they even talk to other ppl in the group more often. so now I'm kinda isolating myself because well... i just want them to be happy. if being absent from their life is what will make them happier, ill do that. seems like I'm just a toxic person that drains everyone around them.

Personality disorder

Internet addiction Anyone addicted to the internet like more then the rest of the world? Do you use it as coping mechanism?

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

How to cope with shame Hello, I guess we all share this feeling of shame following us all around. I can't remember much of my life but I can remember almost every time I've felt shame. And I did it a lot of times. So much that even moments of my life that I had been SA are flashing in my mind all day. But other memories are just plain shame, shame of what I did in a specific moment, shame of how I reacted, what I've said, shame on how I was dressed, the way my face looked. What I recognise is that these are stupid reasons to feel shame, and I think anyone neurotypical wouldn't even think is such a big thing. I even felt shame and guilt of breaking things (because anything material has more value than me) . I legit had a panic attack once after dropping a water glass, I wanted to hold the broken glass and squeeze it with my hands until I made them disappear... I can remember most of the times I broke things. ​ How do you cope with these feelings coming to your mind in your daily life? When I remember one time, I start remembering the others, they are connected and so they come all together to me and make me feel that I will never delete those moments from existence, that they already happened, that there is no way I could live with those things that happened. I feel shame from myself all the time, but when those memories come to me I want to snap out of existence. I don't know how to deal with that. Thank you.

Personality disorder

its becoming impossible to keep avoiding my life without real consequences well, real consequences already happened, and i avoided facing the feelings that wouldve prevented them from happening but now my parents are threatening putting me in a halfway home or making me live with them again, them saying they would sell the house, which utterly terrifies me but in the face of how my life has gone, suicide is also a considerable option, tho not one i can follow through on (but its becoming easier to every day) its amazing how the economy and life can utterly ruin people, isnt it why is it so hard for me to speak in my own voice (oh right, the trauma) its really hard to drag them out of it as their minds resemble mine far too much and mine resembles theirs far too much the pain of having to get a job while also not even being able to be myself in real life is really depressing, i feel like just another person with unfulfilled dreams forced to grow up and accept reality

Personality disorder

Is there anyone else here who checks off all of the boxes for AvPD but can’t ever get officially diagnosed with it because your case just isn’t bad enough? I’m fairly certain I have avpd and have had so for the majority of my life. Like I have almost all of the symptoms down the the horrible childhood trauma that I experienced that started my downfall. Avpd is the only condition that I’ve been able to match up to down to a tee. I’ve went to therapy and discussed my issues, but it doesn’t seem like avpd is something I can ever officially get diagnosed with. While I’m fairly certain I have avpd, my case is more mild because it doesn’t completely shut down my life. I would consider myself with high functioning avpd. Since I was young, I’ve always been lonely and had to figure out life out on my own since I didn’t have my parents or a loving family to grow up with. As a result, out of necessity I had to be financially independent and look after myself. Working and going to college was a never an issue for me. Because of that I’ve been able to give myself a good career and more or less have an ok life. My avpd is most severe in my personal daily life away from work. It’s a daily struggle for me. I also match all of the social symptoms of avpd and live a life of loneliness because I can’t get myself out to meet people regularly. Can anyone else relate?

Personality disorder

AvPD, can be avoiding woman only? I wonder if avoiding woman can be AvPD? I have avoided woman almost my whole life, at some point in high school I liked a girl I talked to a bit. But never full got to know her because of paranoia, of not having a car or being able to provide for her in any way. It’s probably the only time I spoke with a girl. Mainly because I was invested in wanting to be with he, but was to afraid to be with her in a relationship. If AvPD is not only avoiding woman for my instance then I don’t understand AvPD.

Personality disorder

I haven't been diagnosed yet I haven't been diagnosed with AvPD but I think I may have this disorder. I was always an anxious child then in my teens I started taking panic attacks before any social situation but mainly before going to school, so I stopped going to school I just avoided it. I'm now nearly 30 and I've never held down a job for more than a couple of weeks and have dropped out of a few college courses due to having bad attendance. I feel like I now avoid anything that causes me the tiniest bit of stress by not leaving my house, sleeping and not letting anyone know about it. I then get really depressed and disappointed in my self. It just feels like an endless cycle of me not showing and getting down about. I'm just wondering how AvPD affects others and if there is anyone from the UK suffering from AvPD Thanks

Personality disorder

How to deal with rejection when you have avpd? I feel like I'm dying, like there's a hole in my chest and thoughts make me feel like I'm falling in. I'm also having very negative thoughts, I'm realising I'm angry at myself for being vulnerable enough for this to happen to me. Please help if you've been through this...I see no hope. P.s I mean rejected after asking a girl out I've been talking to for months.

Personality disorder

I despise my mom ( 22m ) Pretty much the title - I just can't stand her, I never liked her ever since I was a little kid but for me that hate went much higher beyond it. Just to clarify, I don't think she is the abusive type - more like the overcontrolling and overbearing type of mom - the type that when you make a mistake or fail to do as she asks ( even if it's just the order of the way I put things in their place ) she will scold and do it herself - even if those are MY things ( she isn't satisfied with the way I put my clothes in my wardrobe or when I don't do it immediately) and barely have any respect to my privacy - In the past she wouldn't even let me close my own door so my room was always open, even this days she complain when I don't leave a gap ( but on that case I don't give a fuck anymore and barely leaves any - not a door you can close easily ) and she would always complain about im not normal or like 'the other kids/people' because I don't act or do things they do, and I cant forget her 'what you gonna do with your life, play on the computer all day? ' speech which she does when she remembers she needs to get mad or moody for no reason. Im afraid of embarrassing myself in public, im afraid of even doing some of the basic stuff because I don't think I can do it or I'll make a clown out of myself - and it always comes back to how I was never really taught how to control my own life and be independent - even in the few times she did taught me anything she would still eventually take control and it doesn't make me motivated to even try. one of the reasons I eat in my room is because I just don't want to be around her because I will always get criticized for something - my beard ( which no one taught me how to do it, and my dad lives abroad ) , my ears, my hair, my clothes - everything. She always tries to pick things for me to wear and while today i do wear whatever I want regardless of her opinion/picks I still remember that when I was younger she would be upset and mad if I didn't wear what she wanted me to wear ( and she still kinda give the bitch look but as I said - I still wear what I wear ) and the judgement doesn't stop at that. Her favorite habit is that on events and gatherings she would always whisper in my ear what's wrong me in the moment - could be anything from noticing something dirty or not to her eyes that no gives a fuck about, the way I behave ( WhY YoU ARe NoT SmiLing ) and all other type of shit to make me lose confidence or be overly aware of my problems. She would always try to buy me stuff I don't want or asked to get and would always expect me to thank her even if sometimes she was the one that was pressuring me to get something. When I think about all of this ( and other stuff ) I understand why im so incompetent, afraid of making mistakes or embarrassing myself and stuck in that avoident and depressive mind set. It's not all her - there are things I probably could've done myself ( and still can do ) and even without her the competitive and soulless society most of us are part of just adds a lot to the way we end up - and still - she has a part in why my life fucking sucks - and now I need to find a way to get back on track somehow. Also, today I pretty much snapped at her in an unrelated case which eventually also happened because of all those feelings I stored inside. I don't talk to her and tbh it's such a good feeling. P.S : if there was another post made by me that's titled the same blame my stupid phone for this XD. Im also sorry for possible grammar mistakes - don't mind someone fixin them.

Personality disorder

I don't know what to do anymore I'm so tired. I'm so bored. i don't do anything. I am not capable of doing anything. Everytime I try, i fail. I mess up. I cannot do anything. I cannot do anything right. I want to disappear. I cannot stand this.

Personality disorder

Why do I want to be famous?Someone dm me pls Why do I want to be famous?Someone dm me pls This is a throwaway account. People on social media always say I’m trying to get attention but wtf is wrong with that? I don’t know for sure if I have avpd but I think I do I can’t pay for therapy I live with my mom and I hate her I’m 18 can’t drive alone I always get in crashes or get a ticket sometimes I speed because I’m mad at my uncle. I have a job but I dropped out of school because I don’t care and I have so much trauma from everything in my childhood. And anyway nothing matters now except being famous that’s all I want I just have no idea why in real life I avoid people but online I have a girlfriend and I’m obsessed with her it scares me sometimes because I can’t stop thinking about her and if she broke up with me I don’t think I could take it I’ve only met her once in real life but it doesn’t matter I talk to her all the time but the most important thing is that she talks to me and she’s obsessed with me so I need her. I think I deserve to be famous more than anyone else because I’ve been through so much and also I feel like I’m better than most people something about me is different and I’m special . Can someone dm me to talk more about this? I need to know why I want to be famous and how can I get famous? Also is it possible to have avpd and want to be famous?

Personality disorder

Societal Standards Not sure if this is just me but the more I self reflect the more i realize that im unhealthily antisocial but ok with that until i feel societal pressure to be different. Ive always been a loner and i can be like that ALL the time but the only time i feel shameful of that is when im around other people who aren’t like that and find it weird. It’s almost like one part of me desires companionship and being more friendly because that’s what you need for a “happy life” (apparently) but putting myself out there never satisfies me. Having friends just stresses me out and makes me deeply insecure there’s literally no satisfaction I get from it. I guess I’m deeply unhealthy but I love to isolate and can’t relate to others and feel insecure about it, like I wish I could be in the standard of what’s normal but I’m also really addicted to unhealthy habits. Do I sound crazy 😭 it’s hard to put into words how I feel but it’s like I’m so closed off and avoidant around people and get stressed about societal pressures but am ok with my unhealthy isolation until I realize other people don’t live their lives like that. I don’t want to miss out but find it hard to change. I guess my behavior isn’t normal but trying to fit in just makes my anxiety so bad. Hopefully somebody understands what I mean. 😭 I think this is just how it is when your mentality ill for a long period of time.

Personality disorder

Anhedonia Do you have anhedonia / lack of strong emotions? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/11px78z)

Personality disorder

Conversations Anybody else feel like they don’t have the natural ability to have good conversations? Whenever I’m having a conversation with strangers, I’m often pretty quiet and I don’t know what to say (unless it’s work related or something I’m really familiar with). I think this is normal with society anxiety though But whenever I have conversations with a group of people I’m comfortable with, like my family, I feel like I suck at having conversations. If it’s about a topic I don’t care about, I always zone out or stare at out the window. If it’s about a topic I’m interested in, it’s so hard to wait my turn to talk. I feel so impatient to wait my turn (I can wait but it stresses me out and it’s hard to jump in sometimes). It feels like I’m going to forget what I was going to say or they’ll change the topic before I can talk. And then when I talk, I feel like people don’t really care about what I have to say. My family always talks over me or focus on what the person said before me. They never remember what I say either in the future compared to what my siblings say. It feels like a chore to have conversations, sometimes it’s just easier to stay quiet and fade into the background. Anybody relate

Personality disorder

Could you change and get better through lots of effort ? If I made the effort to challenge myself everyday could I eventually change and maybe even get rid of my AvPD ? So tired of living like this and I’m still young so hopefully it’s possible…

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

How to not hurt peoples feelings I think I’m doing better at socializing than before but after a big socialization day I get so worn out from all the effort it takes that I need a recovery day where I literally don’t interact with anyone or else I start shutting down. However society does not work on my schedule and so obviously I can’t always have a recovery. When I’m socially overwhelmed I tend to give short answers and seem super aloof, disinterested, monotone etc. sometimes people take this personally even though it has nothing to do with them, I’m just worn out. Usually with strangers it doesn’t matter that much because I’ll never meet them again, but with my friends or partner it can be hard. They obviously care about me and start asking, “are you mad at me? Am I annoying? Etc.” and that kind of stuff is really irritating because it requires some level of delicacy by saying “you as a person are not annoying, but I’m just really irritated right now for reasons other than you, and you are exacerbating it. But it is not your fault and there’s no reason you would’ve known this” Like I wish I could just say that but literally nothing comes out of my mouth. I can’t manage anything other than a tiny whimper of a “no…” because I at least want to preserve their feelings. My partner especially gets insecure and frequently asks me “are you mad at me, do you hate me, am I annoying” somewhat in jest but also to an extent it’s a reflection of real insecurities I know she has told me about. I can’t handle navigating those questions when I’m socially overstimulated but I don’t want to make her insecure worse either. I know a relationship is a two way street but I always feel like a burden for my emotions and needs :-( Any advice?

Personality disorder

Do you have goals? I realised that I never really had (or was aware) of life goals or dreams I had. I think this is why I don't really feel like a person and so different from others. And why I never let anyone get close to me, otherwise they would realise how different I am and distance themselves. Do you have dreams and goals? Have you ever had them, maybe as kids?

Personality disorder

I feel like I’ve missed out on my teenage years It’s so depressing to think people have spent all these years going out with their friends and partying whilst I was just on my own in my room. I’ve always had barely any friends and never been in a relationship or had a paid job, I only managed to start doing a few hours a week voluntary work a few months ago. I watch the people around me do exciting things and make new friends and get partners whilst I’m just here bored, alone and depressed as usual. It doesn’t help that later this year I’ll move away from this town for university and I’ll probably never see most of the people I’ve spent years wanting to be friends or more with but been too scared to talk to again. It feels like this phase of my life is really slipping through my fingers and I have no time to repair it. I try to tell myself at least I have the future where I could become better and make the next phases of my life better than this one but in reality I know that I’ve just been declining for years so I doubt that very much.

Personality disorder

did a bunch of dxm yesterday and I realized that the reason I'm like this is that I've viewed other people as threats my whole life. Ever since I was little I've implicitly assumed that other people want to hurt me until and unless I have incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. I have no idea why I'm like this. It sounds like something someone who was abused would write, but I wasn't. My parents were nice and caring. I just came out wrong somehow lmao. I had nothing to be afraid of and yet I was terrified of everything :(

Personality disorder

Set your intention Happy Sunday /r/Anxiety! It's everyone's favorite day of the week... Sunday, the last 24 hours before Monday rears its head again. Let this thread be a space to set your intentions, share your goals and concerns, or just check in, about the week ahead.

Anxiety

Monthly Check-In Thread Hello everyone! Welcome to the r/Anxiety monthly check-in thread. We want this to serve as casual community chat for anyone who wants to get or stay involved without having to make a full post. Plus you can use this as an easy way to give us feedback on what you like and don't like about the subreddit. Our mod team also maintains an official mental health Discord server for people who prefer realtime community, venting, peer support and off topic chat. We hope to see you there! Join link: [https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9](https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9) # Checking In Let us know what's on your mind! This includes (but is not limited to) any significant life changes/events that have happened recently; an improvement or decrease in your mental health; any upcoming plans that you're looking forward to (or dreading); issues you're dealing with in your own local or extended community; general sources of stress or frustration in your daily life; words of advice or comfort you want to share with everyone; questions/comments/concerns you want to share with the moderators and community regarding the subreddit. Thanks and stay safe, The r/Anxiety Mod Team

Anxiety

Just bought magnesium glycinate… does it really work like people say it does? So as the title suggests, I bought some magnesium glycinate 400mg per serving. After reading a bunch of posts saying it works wonders with anxiety and sleep, I thought I’d have to give it a try. I want to hear some of your experiences. Did it work? Negative effects? Or is it just the “placebo effect”? Thank you! Gonna take it tonight!

Anxiety

Does anyone else hold off reading their messages as long as possible? Do you guys do this too? I understand that its common courtesy to reply to others quickly and instantly, but it's like whenever I get a message, I get... Idk. Scared? Anxious? Nervous to read it? I always feel like skfkglglkgkv I mean, god knows what the message could be like. And it's not like I don't reply to people at all. Though sometimes I do feel like I'd rather not look at my messages at all forever. Still, I end up mustering the courage to take a peek and reply, but sometimes I do that hours later.

Anxiety

Can you pass anxiety down to your children? I want children when I'm older but I'm scared I'll pass my anxiety on to them. And that makes me feel guilty. Will I pass it down to children?

Anxiety

Daily reminder. This is just a reminder that Caffeine in any form exacerbates anxiety for most people!! Whether it be from Sodas or coffee and teas. I have to repeat this cycle time and time again. When will I learn seriously.

Anxiety

I live with two people in my family who have schizophrenia and there was a butcher knife placed on a picture of me i’m a 19 year old cc student and i live with my grandma, mom, uncle, aunt, and little sister. my mom has a meth addiction and she’s developed schizophrenia from it and it’s been getting worse as the years go on. my uncle was hit on the head at a young age and im not exactly sure what he struggles since we never talk but i think it’s schizophrenia. my mom doesn’t take her meds i think and my grandma is constantly trying to help her with moving in and out of motels and rehabs and all this stuff for the past 8 months or so (realistically she’s been trying to help her for many many years now but my mom had moved out) recently my mom moved back in like a week ago. my uncle is very strange and i don’t know really anything about him. he leaves his room a few times a day and doesn’t talk to anyone, sometimes i hear him talk to himself in his room, but he doesn’t yell and scream like my mom does, he’s just very quiet and intense. so earlier tonight i was using my grandmas phone for school since mine was dead, and i got curious to look in her messages between my mom because i’ve seen messages between them before where my mom is talking about how she hears voices talking about someone wanting to kill me and how she’s constantly was thinking about me and she doesn’t think i’m safe. so i looked and my aunt (she’s mentally well) sent my grandma a picture where she found a big butcher knife placed on top of a picture of me. the message said “*uncles name* is acting strange again. i asked *moms name* if she did this and she said she didn’t. does *uncles name* know what it means to stab someone? that they will die?” in the photo my aunt sent my grandma, the picture of me was in like a mouse pad that was custom made with a photo of me from 4th grade. the thing is i’m not sure if it’s a coincidence because the mouse pad is on a desk for like where a computer used to be but the desk in like directly connected to the kitchen like almost next to it, so it could be possible that someone had happened to place that knife there so i didn’t really freak out. but i talked to some friends and when i kinda said it out loud to them i did kinda realize like damn that does kinda sound bad and they told me that yea it’s probably not safe. i don’t know if it was my uncle or mom either though, if it even was intentional. my uncle used to come home and hit me in the head as a kid a lot, and we would yell and scream at each other (we lived together for like 6 years and this would happen, then we moved, then we moved again and he moved back in with us) but ever since we moved back in again we literally do not talk to each other at all. he’s very awkward around me and everyone tbh and quiet, and i can tell he doesn’t like to be in the same room as me even though i do not interact with him at all whatsoever. we’ve said hey to each other like less than 10 times over the years and that’s about it. he does kinda seem like he hates me but i don’t think he would want to kill me. on the other hand it’s possible that my mom was lying to my aunt, but from what i’ve seen i don’t think my mom wants to kill me either. whenever she has talked about me in that way it’s more of a “this is my son i need to protect him from whoever gonna kill him” type of way rather than a malicious tone. but again, they are both schizophrenic which i really don’t know much about besides they can be unpredictable and so that’s why i’m asking. i know it’s weird to ask about this on reddit but i really don’t have anyone to talk to about it. i’m not going to directly confront my uncle about it because again we are very distant and he’s a big guy i just don’t want to i feel like it’d be worse, and i don’t want to ask my mom because i know she would say no even if she did. i’m going to ask my grandma tomorrow since i haven’t been able to since she’s been asleep all night, but she’s just going to ignore me after i express my concerns, which she always does. i can talk to my aunt about it even though we’re not really too close but yeah. another thing is my grandma sent the photo my aunt sent her to my uncle asking if he did it and he kind of just ignored it, didn’t deny it so. but yea i cant really move out or anything, i don’t have the money for that since i just graduated high school and honestly i don’t have a job right now since i’m a full time student and i just don’t know where i would go. i don’t have any friends that would let me live with them either so that’s out of the picture . the best thing i’m hoping for is the convince my grandma to have them move out but that’ll probably never happen even though i want it to so bad. i just don’t know if this is a coincidence with the knife and i shouldn’t be worried or what i should do so yea pls help

Anxiety

I feel like I’m dead When I look at my reflection I don’t see a person anymore, I just see a corpse. I can’t even afford food and I look like a skeleton. It’s like I’m just convincing everyone that I’m a person like them, but I don’t fee like one. I have images pop up in my head of me shooting myself and lying dead on the floor (even though I wouldn’t actually kill myself). I don’t know what to do

Anxiety

How long does food poisoning take to kick in? I’m emetophobic and I ate at a restaurant last night. I’m pretty worried of getting food poisoning. The restaurant wasn’t sketchy but this is how I always am when I eat out at restaurants. Anyways, how long does it take for food poisoning to kick in? I’m about 10 hours post eating at the restaurant

Anxiety

Anyone here also feels like they'll be Lonely Forever because of Social Anxiety? I think ever since I was bullied in school I always was afraid of people. I missed so many opportunities in my life because no matter how many self help books I was reading, I was just not able to overcome my anxiety. And even if I managed to be "normal" around people I still felt lonely. Because I felt like an alien, like I was different to everyone else. ❌ A normal relationship with a woman who accepts me for who I am? --> **Not available since I finished school!** ❌ Friends with whom I can share my hopes and dreams and who I feel deeply connected with? --> **Not for me!** ❌ Just interact with people without feeling completely nervous and socially awkward? --> **Impossible!** With 22 I knew that either I have to change something or it will stay like this forever! It was a wild journey ever since and despite a lot of set backs, rejections, insecurities and the feeling that I am too unlovable for anyone I can say that **I** **overcame my social anxiety.** I don't want to brag with this post, the only thing I want is to give you hope in times where you maybe feel no hope. Maybe this here is the motivation for YOU to take the first step today. To look out of the comfort zone a tiny little bit. To get help when you need help, as it is a sign of strength to ask for help not of weakness. **If this here reaches one person who is struggling today I've done my job.** Because no matter how tall the wall seem that you are looking at right now, it is possible to overcome it. **If you need help or advice, I'll be there for you in the comments! ⬇️**

Anxiety

I’m really scared and proud I’ve been taking the same adhd pill since I was a very small child and I had to switch on weekends due to a shortage. I have some history with certain pills and their side effects which is why I am so anxious. (Not the average side effects either, the 1% that most people don’t get. The side effects were facial and tongue cramping due to a severe allergic reaction, slurred speech, throat swelling, and a tic like thing called Tardive dyskinesia) I am having waves of panic attacks, but I am so fucking proud of myself. I faced my fear, I took the pill. I did it. I faced my anxiety. This is a first as I usually cower to it. My anxiety is still going, but it’s not used to me challenging it.

Anxiety

What tf us happening to me Every single day I feel the life inside of me just fall down as if it were sand, every day I feel like I can't breathe, I just sit and look around because even though no one sees it, I feel like my lings are vomiting inside me. Every single day I want to kill myself while at the same time having a panic attack because I don't want to die. And then I just sit there, not bothering anyone, because no one can look at me and tell me my intestines are silently spinning, no one can look at me and see my heart beating way too fast and know I'm not breathing. And certainly no one knows that every fucking day while I try to live my life I see myself in a grave not feeling any physical sensation at all, its almost as if I can see the future, almost as if old me is sitting in bed slowly rotting away, dead and no one has checked up on me for several hours Why tf am I like this, I'm 14, I'm supposed to enjoy life but insead I hate this shit, and I hate living with this terrible anxiety about nothing and everything at the same time, not living because I don't wanna die, which makes me want to kill myself The worst part is I'm not even diagnosed with an anxiety disorder because I'm too scared to talk to anyone about it, and so no one will ever know, because I don't know people well enough to tell them this. I guess I don't mind sharing with strangers online tho Hope you have a nice day, and I hope your anxiety gets better because I wish no ine had to suffer like this

Anxiety

Can anxiety get triggered by nothing? I don’t know how to explain it but the last week or two I have been in a constant panic mode. always on edge , I feel sick 24/7, crying etc. But nothing has triggered me ? I just woke up one day and I knew something wasn’t right in my brain , I just felt really fuzzy and confused and now two weeks later I’m in a constant fight or flight mode.

Anxiety

Crazy how powerful thought diaries & breathing techniques have been for my anxiety I've been undergoing therapy for anxiety and depression for the past two months. My therapist recommended that I start keeping a "thought diary" to write down any worries or concerns that I may have and to practice a breathing technique that involves breathing in for four seconds, holding for two, and then exhaling for four seconds. Initially, I was skeptical that these simple practices could make a difference in something that has troubled me for years. However, I began to notice that whenever I started to become consumed by anxious or depressive thoughts, jotting them down in my diary helped me immensely. This process allowed me to break down those thoughts and identify that 99% of the time, my worries and depression stem from hypothetical situations. For instance, one of my thoughts was, "What if my friends are judging me behind my back?" (for context, this was after we went out for drinks). The key phrase in that being 'What if', meaning it's just hypothetical with no real evidence to back up the worry. So, in my thought diary, alongside my worrisome thought, I would write down a 'Helpful thought' where I deconstruct this worry. For the aforementioned thought, my helpful thought was: "This is a hypothetical worry, you have no evidence to suggest this will happen. Your friend's opinion of you shouldn't be taken seriously anyway. You don't need to seek approval from your friends." Of course, this may not help everyone, but I wanted to share how thought diaries have helped my mental health, and they can be quite powerful. TL;DR: My therapist recommended keeping a "thought diary" and practicing breathing techniques to help my anxiety and depression. Writing down my thoughts and using the breathing technique has helped me identify that 99% of my worries are hypothetical. I recommend trying it out.

Anxiety

cant say no to anyone M18 i cant for the life of me say no to anyone, i get extremely anxious and overwhelmed when i think about disagreeing with someone or just saying something else because i’m afraid they’ll disagree back so i agree to make things easier. only person i can truly be me is like my mom but even my gf i just agree with everything like i’m on autopilot and i don’t know how to stop it. if i try i stutter and get so much anxiety, really weird

Anxiety

I’ve been trying to get help for months it’s so frustrating Our healthcare system is so over burdened. The psychiatrist in town has an almost 9 month wait list (but I finally got in). The community/parent support worker I was connected to cancelled our sessions because their department ran out of funding; the program was cut. I’m waiting until they announce the new budget in April and get more funding. Then I’ll get a worker back I’m giving every ounce of effort I have to get the supports I need and use them so that I can learn to function on my own. I have a 4 year old and I hate how im raising him. I feel like an asshole trying to explain to my dr that even though my house is full of food I struggle to feed him properly because I have no appetite I don’t cook for myself and I don’t know what to feed him. I look at all the food in my cupboard and I can’t make a decision on what to make. But then my son tells me he’s hungry right now so I just microwave a pizza pocket or corn dog for him. I’m just so tired. I’m failing at everything. I’ve reached out for support and the people in the roles want to help me bc they see me trying. My psychiatrist even has seen me on his days off. It’s just the system as a whole that is underfunded and broken

Anxiety

xanax please help hi. this is going to be a bit of a long post. I have suffered from emetophobia for 8 years now. Have been and am still going to therapy, on antidepressants and have been on hydroxyzine. Recently, my doctor prescribed me .5mg of xanax every day. This has spiked my anxiety because I know I can gain a tolerance to it and become addicted. I have never misused it or done anything wrong, but I feel guilty for using it every day and I’m scared I’ll become addicted and have withdrawals. Can someone give me some insight on this please?

Anxiety

just some thoughts for you be patient with yourself. its okay to say no. YOU are experiencing your life. nobody knows how you feel. your feelings are valid and its okay to set boundaries. its okay if you can‘t do it today. it takes a lot of energy for you to always fight against your worries and anxiety. so its totally understandable if you need some space and peace. dont surround yourself with people that drain your energy. its okay to let them go. this gives you more energy to focus on the good people and things in your life. i hope you have a good day today. but also dont have too much expectations. its totally fine if not everything is going to work out today.

Anxiety

Others getting their own way.. how to not care long story short... trying to book a trip away and 2 of the 5 keep taking all suggestions and twisting/changing. other 3 have got fed up and just let them plan it their way. I get so anxious and stressed when planning stuff anyway because I'm a control freak (maybe OCD about it?), and the thought that they get their own way everytime just cause the rest don't want an argument really annoys me but I don't know why? any advice or just friendly support welcome!

Anxiety

Some advice to my people Hello, I've been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks my whole life, and while I take a ridiculous amount of meds for it including lorazapam, pregablin etc, I was informed about Magnesium and I wanted to share this with you. So a lot of us get anxiety attacks triggered by the stress hormone cortisol, magnesium works by by stimulating the production of melatonin and serotonin which boost your mood and help you sleep. Magnesium also reduces the production of cytokines and cortisol, which lead to increased inflammation and stress. It's important that you don't over do it as you can poison yourself with magnesium, and you also have to make sure it's aspartate, citrate, lactate, and chloride forms as oxide apparently doesn't absorb as well. Speak to your pharmacist or Dr if you're mixing medication, but I have been able to reduce the amount of lorazapam I've needed since starting mag and its helped a lot with sleep. I'm truly impressed.

Anxiety

need help with SSRI nausea I was wondering if anybody has had nausea with one SSRI but not with some other one? I am taking Zoloft and nausea is pretty bad, even with the one half of 50 mg tablet. I dont know if switching SSRIs would be beneficial or this side effect would remain the same? What is interesting is that I have taken Zoloft 15 yeras ago with absolutely no issues at at all, and now I feel like I am taking a poison. I don't understand this at all. Thanks!

Anxiety

Horrible Fear of Food Being Drugged Lately I’ve been having this massively irrational fear of my food being laced with LSD or some other form of psychedelics. I won’t eat something that’s been already opened regardless of whether or not it’s mine, which has led to me not only wasting food, but actively avoiding eating unless I make it right there, and even then it takes quite a bit of effort. This in turn has also led me to having a fear of an undiagnosed mental illness, and I can’t quite afford to go to a doctor currently to figure out if that is the case. I’ve only ever been technically “drugged” once when the cannabis my friend bought was laced with PCP a few months ago but this fear extends back to when I was around fifteen (twenty three now). I’ve done acid only twice and while I did enjoy it, it’s not something I’m likely to do again, and I rarely smoke cannabis or drink, but I did do a lot of both for a few years. Obviously nobody is gonna waste good acid on me but the fear is constantly there to the point that I yelled at my brother the other day for jokingly pretending to drop something into my Gatorade on the way to work (he’s unaware of this fear) and threw it away despite it being completely full, and even avoided eating the cookies my mom brought down for Christmas, which made me feel awful as there is absolutely no way my mom would ever do anything like that to me. I’m iffy on telling anybody close to me about this fear for a few reasons, the main one being the irrationality of it all, but I also do not want to be sent to an inpatient center (again, can’t afford it) as I was for depression as a minor. Sorry for the rambling wall of text but I just need to know if this is signs of a more major illness or at the very least how I can possibly cope with it.

Anxiety

Hurry sickness is driving me crazy. Does anyone else have this? I have hurry sickness and it's linked to my anxiety and BPD. It causes me so much anxiety because I always feel like I need to do many things at the same time or short period of time. I drink my coffee in about 5 minutes, then I read a book for an hour, then I listen to music and surf the web for a non-specific reason. Everything has to be done very fast, and well-planned, if not, I get impatient, irritable, and anxious. It's pretty exhausting and I realized it's a problem going on for two years now. I did not pay too much attention to this before, since I didn't even know there was a term for this condition. Does anyone else experience something similar? How are you dealing with it?

Anxiety

Just got done with my first psychiatric evaluation I was prescribed Zoloft 25mgs and a blood pressure medication to take when I’m in a panic. I’m nervous but honestly relieved to be put on something. I’ve been struggling so bad and I’m so tired. I was diagnosed with GAD, social anxiety, and depression. I’m finally putting myself and my mental health first and working to make myself better.

Anxiety

Asked my parents (who I don't live with) for an extra 10 or so a week spending money and they've turned it into a big thing I am currently under an intense care plan as an outpatient at a mental health hospital. One of the nurses suggested asking for an extra amount of allowance. 'well off' (but not rich) parents completely fund me while I'm at university as my loan is less than my rent. I was debating asking for weeks, me and my parents have had a strained relationship in the past to say the least, some definitely their fault, some a mix of both of our faults. Anyway, it's left a gap between us that I haven't been brave enough to cross. But last night I asked them, told them I wasn't struggling with the current allowance it would purely be for an extra nice thing a week to help me get by during these times. IMO they've blown it way out of proportion, they wanted a phone call today to log all my spending and now they're wanting to come and visit me TODAY. It's sending my anxiety haywire this is why I don't open up or ask anything from my parents. What do I do? Say no to them visiting all together? I'm 100% fine with keeping the current allowance, I just want a yes or a no to have some closure on this conversation with my parents. So, I'll repeat my question: (with your limited knowledge of my life) What do I do??

Anxiety

Please help! Hey guys, I have an on-site interview after being a complete depressed, socially angst hermit for the last 6 months. When I say I didn’t go out of my house more than 4 times in 6 months, best believe it😂 I applied for a job and I have to fly to another state for it. I thought things were getting better with me but my anxiety is through the roof just thinking about the travel, but mostly the interview. It’s a 2hour session from 10-12pm. I usually take 10 mg of propranolol, but I don’t think it ll be enough. Do you guys think it’s ok to take 20mg. Before you ask me to ask my doctor, he said I should take 10-20 mg but I have never taken 20 mg before and I am scared I ll pass out or I won’t be able to breath (had asthma when I was younger). I was thinking maybe of taking one at 8am and then another at 9.30am-ish. What do you guys think? Anyone with experience? Also I m a “little” female despite being in my mid 30s . 5 feet and 110lbs

Anxiety

Coping mechanisms for trigger scenario I've had nightmare neighbors which my housing have ignored for years the ball is finally rolling but I'm freaking out as they are having the housing officer in question and community officer who doesn't speak up about things they said that were incorrect previously to come for this talk, where were going to discuss their failings. Injustice and lying really trigger my anxiety and emotion regulation so I'm wondering what I could do in this meeting to relax? Right now all I can think of is music in one ear and camomile tea

Anxiety

Freaking out My fiancée and i got into a horrible fight this morning. I dont want to get into details but its to the point where she may just want me to leave. Im freaking out. Im an alcoholic but sober 3 years and the anxiety im now experiencing from this is same i had when i drank. Its messing with me but more so this is something i gotta work through. I just want to sleep. Im inconpacitated i feel like. Theres so much to do. But i want to just get past this and move on. We both just flipped out on each other but more so cause i started my day off bad. I don't start my day off bad it doesnt get to this point. Or at least suppress it until the day got better. Im just torn up inside. Feel like i messed everything up. I really did.

Anxiety

Doctors notes/records Hi just wondering if anybody knows about if doctors think you are drug seeking do they put that on your record? I went to doctors yesterday, didn’t see my usual GP, it was about spinal pain that radiates up my back, only seems to hurt after physical activity which is weird but concerning to me. The day before appointment I went gym & done some light training on back muscles which really set it off, was painful & felt weird afterwards like weakness in my arms, bit dizzy and just a general weak feeling like really weak and disorientated. She was not helpful at all, basically done a quick op’s check, checked my back briefly & said it seems ok. She said to rest on weekend and see how I go, she said hot water bottle. The more im thinking about my appointment with a her yesterday I get the impression she feels I was drug seeking. I never asked for any drugs but I feel she was misunderstanding me being concerned with trying to get drugs. She said something when I sat down like “you’re looking to discuss pain management” I didn’t really take it in as was really anxious and tired so I said yeah about my spine then proceeded to talk about my concerns, but not once did I say anything about wanting medications/drugs. I’m annoyed now I should of been clear that I would of liked a referral to be checked out or something. I’m on pregabalin for anxiety (it also just happens to be a nerve pain drug) and she said few times about you’ll have review soon with usual GP to see if it’s helping my anxiety and not just about pain management. She also said you’ve only upped dosage 10 days ago. I didn’t really take it in properly at the time but I feel she thinks I was trying to up my dose or get pain meds? I’m worried now that it will be on my notes and I’m also frustrated that I didn’t correct her properly. Any advice or help on this would be appreciated im very anxious about this, I feel I was totally misunderstood and I don’t like the thought of her putting on notes I was looking for pain management or medication to help that. I also noticed as I was leaving she done a frustrated sigh. This experience has made me feel invalidated, misunderstood and made my anxiety and depression worse. I’m struggling mentally very very bad to say the least.

Anxiety

Anxiety

C19 I was just wondering if anyone is paranoid about C19? I am still masking up, trying to keep my distance and washing and anti-baccing my hands like its going out of fashion.

Anxiety

Struggling. Could use some support. Tldr, been medicating and going to therapy for about 2-3 weeks. Feeling better than where I was, but still struggling, mainly at nights. Have health anxiety and hate feeling [insert sensation/feeling here] and if keeps me from sleeping. Just really wishing I lived with friends to always be in arms reach of a hug. I need those right now.

Anxiety

The anxiety seasons have started It’s gotten hot where I live meaning it’s officially Spring meaning it’s officially anxiety season, wooo! It is currently 4:30 AM, it’s too hot for me to sleep, and the heat is giving me anxiety. The air conditioning is *SUPPOSED* to be on, but it’s been broken in this room for like a year and my mom refuses to admit it’s broken, saying that it’s just cause the room is over the garage. Which I KNOW isn’t true because I’d still be able to at least HEAR or FEEL the air conditioning running but it DOESNT. It’s kinda funny (not really, but if I don’t laugh I WILL have a mental breakdown) that Spring and Summer are the worst for my anxiety when almost everyone else (*cough* neurotypicals *cough*) tend to LOVE those seasons. Ass that to the list of im just weird I guess lol

Anxiety

Work, life, anxiety(f20) Today is actually the day all my worries are transformed in real situations, let's start First of all, my grandma's sister birthday, I totally forgot about . Than said that I would come, but I forgot about gift and overslept, than was to anxious to go, and called said I'm sick, than I received a message from my coworker like hah where are you the event is starting, I totally forgot about this than I fucked up with my student, rescheduling our lesson like 3-5 times ( because I thought I would maybe go on a birthday)and finally telling that I'm sick to her as well because well at this moment I was already crying because how irresponsible and stupid this situation is, and also it would be so strange to do this lesson with her after not going to the event, and the event is still going, I probably should get there, but it's to overwhelming at this point, I also will not go to the birthday party for the same reason, to much stress for me already, I want to just disappear, I try so hard to remember everything and it just happenes.. It is so so stupid and I mean I'm completely useless anyway, like who the hell lives with memory troubles at 20 , it feels like some disorder at this point ( I forget a lot of things) My mom is dating an alhogolic and last couple of weeks were a nightmare. I didn't sleep normal for a long time because of this situation and last night was a disaster A lot of other troubles financial, with studying And at the end right now I feel like literally throwing up from the level of anxiety that I experience

Anxiety

Coffee and antipsychotics Greetings people I hope you're having a good day. First of all how are your experiences with coffee and antipsychotic meds? I've been on Abilify and Alprazolam for years never had been feeling alert on them always either sleepy or have weird feeling in my stomach. Now I've tried everything with these meds be it smoking or alcohol I stopped all of it because it caused very nasty problems with me when I stopped I finally felt myself even through I've read on Wikipedia that coffee can also cause problems when you take these meds it's says even small amounts can cause side effects that's called caffeine induced anxiety. I'm not really sure how am I supposed to be awake I mean I'm unemployed still in hands of my parents and other family members who take care of me and understand my problems but how did you manage to stay awake without coffee or did coffee really help you without feeling weird all time while on meds? It would be stupid for me to sleep all day and miss some important events or have fun chatting with friends or playing video games or better yet studying different topics like electrical engineering or making homemade circuits. Not electrical engineer just doing something for hobby.

Anxiety

Question I have a question, so when i am out in public i feel like everyone is looking at me, but then i start feeling like I’m in a dream, like a lucid dream. I can but i feel like i cant think thoughts and only focus on doing what I’m supposed to do. I also feel like my head is fogged up inside too in public lol. Im not the happiest person to be honest and since maybe half a year ago I’ve stopped caring abt things and when i think of something and it gets a little complicated i just quit thinking abt it, i dont care enough to think about anything for some reason. Can someone please tell me if its anxiety or is there something wrong with me.

Anxiety

Being bad at something new gives me anxiety I know it’s contradictory but yeah. Not sure if this has to do with being a perfectionist or if it’s something else. I enjoy the “rush” of learning new things and knowing things, but when it push comes to shove and I need to practice what I’m learning, that’s when I usually find out I still have a long way to go and will have to fail and make mistakes and actually suck at that thing for a while. It’s like I just want to skip to the “good” part. I feel like the work is only productive/useful when it’s good. How do you even deal with the uncomfortable parts of learning and growing? :( I just keep pushing on but sometimes it feels like I’m making no progress at all. And I know that “slow progress is still progress” but then my anxiety kicks in with bullsh*t like “other people are staying up and working their asses off while you’re celebrating a tiny step forward.”

Anxiety

I used beta blockers for 3 weeks and quitted, now I'm sweating abnormally in my private area, is this normal? I used propranolol for anxiety and stress but I quitted after 3 weeks because I had too much side effects. The day I began too lower my dosage untill stopping I have experienced excessive sweating around my sit area. And by that I mean abnormally much. Is this something related to betablockers and has anyone had a similair experience with this?

Anxiety

Advice I’ve been dealing with some anxiety issues my whole life. I’ve had lots of trama and was diagnosed with ADHD as a young child. Never being able to focus and always the most loud and distributive( in school). I used to stay up at night as a kid because after watching the slightest scary movie I would be afraid. Anyways the point of the backstory is to give you a sense of who I was. Lately within the past year my anxiety has been through the roof. I find it very hard to focus and have lots of thoughts at once. Even some that just pop into my head. I can hear other peoples tone of voice. Not like big conversation. My anxiety was so high I was getting lots of physical symptoms heart palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath to which I thought I had a heart problem. So I went to the doctors and got all the tests and didn’t believe my heart was fine until I got the results. I thought about this everyday. To which now I think this might had been a delusion. My point is I’m very worried I’m developing Schizophrenia. My family does have a history of mental health issues.I know this post is confusing and if I’m worried about my mental health I should see a doctor. But I’m just looking for advice. **Edit** I would like to add that for a long time when I went home after a long day I could not relax to fall asleep. My mind would be racing. The only way I could describe it is like a radio. In order to drown it out I would have to put on music to fall asleep.

Anxiety

I have been taking 20mg citalopram for 9 days now - I am feeling more depressed/dissociative/unmotivated/tired than ever/before - does it get better? Is this normal? I do have a check up appointment with the doctor next week but I’m nervous maybe it’s not working for me :(

Anxiety

Anxiety has ruined my life... I need some advice/help (Gonna be a little long, gonna rant a bit) Little back story, 20-year-old male, no past history of major anxiety other than flying on planes etc.. Last year from January to April was feeling the best I have ever felt in my life! worked out 6-7 days a week, confidence was high, and not a care in the world. I would say around May, I started getting increasingly fatigued every day. As the days went on, it felt like I was detached from reality. By the end of the year, I felt so detached, fatigued, and had major brain fog. I have a small bump on the back of my head, it doesn't hurt, I got it checked out and the doc said it could be a skull deformity. I dont believe her. I convinced myself that I had something wrong with me, and I went down the rabbit hole of self-diagnosing by reading google (i know worst idea ever). I could only function to the fraction I could before my snapping point. I felt so depolarized and had no energy at this point. I convinced myself I had a chronic illness that I was going to die from (I still belive this), I got every scan and lab work done. Nothing came of it. I had no idea what was causing all of these symptoms. Fast forward to January, I started a very stressful college class. It is an intensive academy-type class. I thought I had my stress pretty well controlled but in February I had my first panic attack ever. Went to school that day feeling fine, didn't eat breakfast, but drank 180mg of caffeine (I usually have \~300mg a day). During the afternoon portion of the class, I felt this sense of impending doom, and shortness of breath and it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. For 2 hours my HR was in the \~130s. I had no Idea what was going on and felt like I was gonna die. So my teacher wanted me transported to the ER, My EKG came back normal, sinus tachycardia (fast heart rate). They pulled labs and everything was normal except for low magnesium and potassium. They gave me some fluids and discharged me. For the next few days my heart rate was a constant 120 even when resting and my anxiety was through the roof! It sucked! My doctor then prescribed me Lexapro, and man oh man, hats of to anyone that could get through that first phase of Lexapro. It trashed me, constant panic attacks, SOB, tingling, the whole 9 yards. I stopped after 5 days due to the fact that I didn't want to be tied to a pill at such a young age. Since my panic attack, Ive had constant anxiety. Im having anxiety about things Ive never worried about before! it sucks! Its like I have to experience all these things over again (like driving) to tell myself there is nothing to be anxious about. Ill also be sitting in the most comfortable place in my house, not stressed at all, then my heart rate will kick off to the \~120s for the whole day. Do you guys experience this? I also feel like I'm having heart palpitations. It feels like my heart is in my throat and I can't catch my breath. It sucks! Every time I stand up my heart rate jumps. It takes a long time for me to calm down and convince myself I'm not dying. I know my case is minor to some cases Ive read but damn Im having a hard time with this. Im in constant fear and anxious about having another anxiety attack and passing out. Im trying everything I can before I commit to an antidepressant. Im trying L theanine, Ashwagandha, and magnesium. I got prescribed adarax but it doesn't seem to help like ativan does. I just want my old life back. Is this normal? Does it get better? will it be like this forever? how did you guys get over your anxiety? tips? medications? Thank you all for taking time and reading my post I really appreciate it. I just really need some help...

Anxiety

Anxiety dizziness - What does everyone's feel like? This has bee driving me mental for a year now as you can probably tell from my post history. Only way I can describe it is I get sudden episodes where I feel sick, like I'm falling, warm rush feeling and tight head then I snap out of it again. When it's really bad I almost feel numb and out of my own body like everything's in slow motion. Can happen standing sitting laying down. Drives me absolutely mental because I just cannot reconcile how anxiety could cause this so I constantly worry it's my heart. Anyone else get this? What helped stop it for good?

Anxiety

Vitamin c deficiency? Has anyone had vitamin c deficiency, and how long did supplementation take to affect anxiety?

Anxiety

Terrified of going to the dentist I know I have some cavities because I went to the dentist sometime last year and they scheduled an appointment for fillings but when I showed up, no one was there and they wouldn't answer my calls for months so I gave up. But tonight I was looking at my teeth and I'm pretty sure I see one. I don't see any actual black or decay, just an indent that was hiding behind some tartar, but everyone's always told me that once you can see a cavity it's already too far and the tooth usually needs to be pulled (might not be true, just what I've been told) I'm hopefully going to make an appointment on Monday but I'm so nervous because my teeth are terrible. I don't have any missing or rotting teeth but I can never remember to brush them and I had hg a couple years ago that turned into a 3 year long problem of throwing up multiple times a day. So they're yellow, have a ton of build up, and I'm pretty sure they told me I have gum disease at my last appointment. I'm so worried they're going to judge me and think I'm disgusting. I'm also terrified of getting fillings because the numbing shots never work fully for me so it's always super painful. I checked their website and it says that they offer nitrous, conscious sedation, and iv sedation but I'm not even sure my insurance will pay for "unnecessary sedation" since nitrous makes me freak out. And then, how would I ask for it without sounding like a drug seeker?? I'm sorry if this seems like rambling. I'm just freaking out.

Anxiety

germ anxiety please help I invited my friend over to stay because it was late but I have crippling germophobia and ocd. I feel horrible because I love my friend to bits. but im so triggered rn because I cleaned the toilet and we didn't have gloves and I don't know if she used it yet and now im terrified of having a disease I can't stop spiraling

Anxiety