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Group therapy is it a good idea? I've been asked to self refer to a network of group therapy, I think it will be a good way to meet others who have this disorder but at the same time I am terrified, especially about speaking publicly and opening up to a group of people, has any here ever tried it or are you currently in a group therapy? I'd love to hear your experiences. Thank you.

Personality disorder

can’t stand people with the same interests anybody else? i find i get very jealous when others share my same interests, yea. i know it sounds like im an asshole. this feeling has been stuck with me since i was little. like when someone mentions they have the same interest, i immediately feel worthless. its like, wow okay. who needs me? nobody. i don’t stand a chance. or someone posts about it and a bunch of other people are also into it. i feel so bland and competitive and ready to give up. they know more than me, they’re better than me, im not cool or special, they will succeed and i wont. the other day i saw a post which mentioned my future career idea, which was somewhat uncommon. 20k likes. i felt like giving up because i just feel so small and useless now? i dont know how to describe it really. i know this probably sounds like im looking too far into it.. edit: thank u for the comments. glad to know im not alone in this feeling, and thank u for the advice some of u gave. :)

Personality disorder

Are there people with avpd who do not have SAD? If it's two different disorders, there should be someone who is avpd without sad although many people have both disorders Or are these just different aspects of same thing

Personality disorder

Adrian from the movie Rocky [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYGD4JtFscI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYGD4JtFscI) Was just watching this classic again the other day. Poor Adrian. What do you guys think? Is this AvPD?

Personality disorder

do you also feel invisible? it seems like every time i try interacting with someone it just gets ignored. no matter what. even if i ask questions as to prompt a reply it's like i don't exist or nothing i say is of enough value to pay attention to. i don't get what i'm doing so wrong

Personality disorder

does working out help? i’m not grossly unhealthy, but one of the most unfit person alive (can barely do 1/3 a push up type bad). i’ve tried working out thrice but i kept quitting one week in due to the embarrassment of trying to improve. i also hated to be reminded that i’m weak, which floods my mind whenever i do an exercise. but i was wondering, did working out manage to help anyone? should i try again, or just give up?

Personality disorder

How do you even expose yourself to the public or gain "experience" when you are 30+? I have been hiding from people for so long. Even when I was going to school I was finding ways to hide from the world. I got sad again and randomly searched "avoidance" on YouTube and one video that popped up was from this guy called Dr. K. I guess he's a popular mental health streamer on Twitch and a psychiatrist who works at Harvard. I don't really play video games anymore, but I do think I have an internet addiction. Back in the day I definitely used video games as a crutch and it prevented me from being outside and meeting people, so I do relate to those who have gaming addiction + avoidance. A lot of the points he was making in his videos resonated with me. He talked about how a lot of gamers are actually fairly smart. Now part of this felt like he was blowing smoke up his audience's ass, but on the other hand, I can see a lot of introverted, smart, but shy types gravitating towards games. A lot of the people I knew growing up who gamed were pretty smart people, even the "lazy" ones who never amounted to anything in life. Now, the part that I wanted to go over was the avoidance aspect of life. He mentioned how a lot of these gaming addicts are told they are smart and find school to be fairly easy early in their life, so they don't really struggle early in life, but later as they get older they lack the necessary abilities to succeed. Their self-conscious nature makes them wilt under the pressure of being judged. Anything that makes them appear as not intelligent immediately triggers avoidance. What a lot of these people don't understand is that they need to gain experience, not intelligence in order to succeed. I looked up Dr. K's history and it seems like he was struggling college student with a video game addiction and dropped out of school briefly to join some monastery in India. He came back and succeeded and went to medical school and became a psychiatrist. So I guess he's proof that fighting avoidance works. But what do people who have wasted so much of their life and are already 30 able to do? He had the luxury of taking a dramatic step when he was 20 and able to come back and succeed. Not to mention that he is obviously capable of putting himself out there. Again, this could be due to "experience" and desensitizing himself, but how many of us would even be able to have the courage to pack our bags and go to a monetary. For someone like me, my mind is a confusing mess that a step like that would be met with a million different excuses to avoid doing that. I find that a lot of "success" stories ignore that the people who were struggling were not as extreme as a lot of people like myself.

Personality disorder

My first day at the job It was awful, I hated it and I am so afraid of going in there again.. I don't want to go much into details but the whole day I kept forgetting every fucking thing I was told. I kept zoning out, asking a lot of questions (a lot of times the same kind of questions again and again), being slow because how much I was overwhelmed. I kept telling myself that I am giving it my best, it's my first day and no one should expect me being immediately perfect in this but it didn't really help. I needed to do a lot of multitasking, to keep my eye on multiple things but it seemed that I just couldn't focus. In the end I felt extremely inferior to all my co-workers. Whenever some of them would remind me that I was forgetting something/doing something wrong/etc I felt so attacked, crushed, judged... At some point I even nearly cried but I could suppress it. God, I hate this shit. I am aware that 99% of those thoughts I have are completely inadequate and irrational, I am certain that they were just trying to help and guide me, since I am new in there. But why doesn't it help with feeling less worthless..

Personality disorder

I've been feeling so miserable and hopeless this weekend I hate it. I just want to enjoy life.

Personality disorder

Generalizing people is ruining me and I don't know how to fix it Just a quick example of what I mean: Sometimes you're just talking to a person, and you're getting along great, and you're just in that moment and you're enjoying it in its isolation, and you think "Wow you now what, maybe things are fine", and that person says something that just snaps you right back. It's not necessarily political, but one example was a classmate I'm getting along fine with who is a woman but is heavily against feminism, and once a month goes on a rant about it and it makes me just so exhausted and disinterested in pursuing that friendship. The other is my brother who's like "Oh I'm fine with gay people" but then yesterday 'joked' about how "only the women that look like men are real lesbians, I see the 'normal' looking women in lesbian relationships as just experimenting" It's so fucking exhausting and isolating. And I live in a fucking racist homophobic shithole of a country to begin with, and any time I meet at least somewhat of an openminded person they still have that one thread of fascism they refuse to let go of. And god it's fucking hard not to see this whole country as a country of neo nazis. No matter how much I try to focus on the positives, all I ever see is people in Pro-Russian protest or people attacking alternative bars or spraying neonazi symbols on city walls. It's endlessly fucking depressing. And any time I complain about it to people they all say "Oh don't look at it like that. Not everybody acts or thinks the way they think". But it's so hard not to. It feels dishonest and fake not to. And I already have trobules with being social and opening up to people and now there's always this layer of "Oh well I gotta be cautious with what I say about what I think because any person could hold back some fascistic views" . With men especially. The men here are a whole different kind of intolerant pigs. It's so bad that I'm constantly undervaluing my own opinions and thoughts. It fucking sucks. I never verbalize what I think or feel, because this whole culture is built on constant arguments and belittlings and wanting to prove yourself right that it gets so exhausting to socialize. And I want to socialize. I desperataely want a friendgroup, and a circle of people I'm comfortable with because I have none of that right now, and it sucks because I can't even break out of that caution to even begin to start looking for people. And it's so hard not to filter people through an Ideological Filter because that's always what it boils down to. I don't want to care this much. I want to just fuck off the world and just be me. And I can't. I want people. I don't want to want people. It's so fucking lonely.

Personality disorder

Job So I got a job and I’m super anxious and can’t stop crying. I start on Tuesday or Wednesday, and I'm already nervous for that day to come. I feel a huge fear, can't quite point out what the fear is but something of it is probably the social interaction. I wish something terrible happens to me so I can avoid the first day of work. What should i do? I really want to ghost the man(boss), and just wanna stay Home. But my family really wants me to get a job

Personality disorder

Does your AvPD come with or co-exist with social anxiety? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10oscjl)

Personality disorder

I hate when this fear tries to get in the way of me wanting to help someone. And then I hate the part of me that's focusing on my own feelings instead of the person in need. Fck, why can't I just help someone without worrying if I'm gonna say the right thing?

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Honestly, do you think the label “AvPD” does you more harm than good? **TLDR;** My therapist says labels might be helpful/empowering for some but might have a negative effect on others. There’s debates about this in the mental health community. It is in fact harmful for me so, I have decided to stop seeking diagnosis for now. _________________________________ Recently my therapist told me how mental health labels might help some but have a negative effect on some. This discussion started when I requested a written diagnosis from her. In my case after discussing labels with her, I was able to come to the conclusion that I tend to dehumanise myself because of the label. I treat myself as “diseased” or “nuisance” and often feel bad for not being as good as “normal” people. There’s a whole debate even in the mental health community about labels and how sometimes mental health professionals might misuse it. So for now, I’ve stopped seeking out a diagnosis. But what about you? **Do you think the “AvPD” label helps you?** [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10o854w)

Personality disorder

Do you agree with this statement? Excerpt from an article about SAD and AvPD

Personality disorder

Contemplating So I've noticed that when I contemplate my inevitable death, I feel strange. I can think about if I die tomorrow, the next day, or amy other time, but when I remind myself that it is virtually impossible for me to live past say 120ish, it feels different. I think about how nothing I do will ever prevent me from dying, and really, it is the only time I feel so...human. I feel small and frankly insignificant because nothing I ever do will amount to anything in the face of eternity. A hundred years after I die, what should I care? I'd be dead, so whatever I do will only matter to others if it even reaches that far. Besides, by that point whatever hopes I had that my actions benefited someone is dead alongside me. What I'm getting at is, I'm nothing more than a collection of matter that gets some pointless shot at doing something for myself and the other matter blobs around me. It feels very human to me, that feeling of nigh nothingness. That is why I'd consider myself religious, because it's the voice inside that tells me something as pointless as me is seen and cared about, and that the things that I do will matter for the rest of eternity. I know it sounds crazy, and people have told me repeatedly that I'm stupid for believing in anything, but what else do I have? I've gotten as close to the edge as I could before, just to see if I would do it. Clearly I didn't, but if I didn't have some hope that my faith is worth it, well, you know. Anyways, what I'm getting at is that I'm religious because it makes me feel wanted, like I have a purpose, even if it's not entirely clear to me or anyone else really. I hope y'all have good coping mechanisms too, because I can take a good guess at what my life would look like if I didn't have my faith. And for those of you who were hurt in some way because of someone's religion, I'm truly sorry that you had to go through that. Nobody should have to experience that. And I hope you don't think any less of me for my faith, I wouldn't try to hurt someone just because they disagree with me, and I don't get to choose how you live your life. At the end of the day, I do sincerely hope y'all are doing okay. ❤️

Personality disorder

(Hope this is allowed) looking for friends Looking for sum1 to talk about like our feelings n shit and maybe one day flash bits of our despicable core. Idk could be pretty sweet i think. Ima drug addict with avpd so its kinda hard to do that irl. And dont worry about if u ghost me i get its not personal Edit:im 23 Edit 2: now im insecure that “flash bits” might be interpreted as sexually. I just meant like itd be cool to share things about self that might come with fears of rejection/hurting others.

Personality disorder

I can't fathom getting or being in a relationship with someone who is "normal". 1: If I told someone I was 27 years old and never had a romantic relationship in my life and have no friends at the moment they'd run for the hills and I don't blame them. That's a giant red flag and nobody -- even the most empathetic people want to stick around to find out the reason for that. 2: I'm like an alien in the eyes of most people. How can somebody relate to not doing anything meaningful their lives and having the drive and motivation of a rock. Most people want to strive for something grand... I'm just content having my basic needs met. 3: If someone would even give a freak like me a chance there would be no way they'd be able to tolerate me for too long. As a guy I'm sure the way I act is purely pathetic and cowardly to most woman out there. If she doesn't understand my mental illness she'll see me as not a "real man" because I'm so sensitive and anxious all the time about trivial things that most people don't even think about. Sorry about the pity post, my family thinks one of my New Years goals should be to finally get a girlfriend... Easier said than done. I really don't think anyone would tolerate me and I wouldn't want to burden someone with myself. I'm convinced that I'd only be able to be with someone who has AvPD or SAD however destructive that relationship that may be.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

What are your romantic relationship patterns? Mine end up being completely consumed by the other person to the point that I take on their life and forget mine. Then resentment around 6months (used to be 3 yrs) bc I dont exist and I can't seem to integrate anyone in my life. Its not fair to them. The start and stop has taken up so many years and energy. I wish I could feel so free w someone that I could just be in my underwear and sing every song I know seriously I would love to feel at ease with someone. I dont stand up for my values, ppl lose respect bc I seem to not have boundaries. My head is screaming but nothing comes out, freeze-run-fawn. Do I need to find peace within before attempting to get peace relating to anyone?

Personality disorder

Hi! I’m new in this sub I find I have many similarities here. I’m wondering what does love look like for you? How do you give it and how would you like to receive it?

Personality disorder

This Sub has become a blessing in disguise for me I recently found out that I have been avoiding people and things because of fear of shame and rejections mostly. It has, to be fair affected many areas of my life. Almost every single popular post in this sub, (all the behaviors from reading it here and other mental health sites) I find super specific to me. It all just clicked in my brain and ever since then I've been purposefully doing the very things that I know for a fact I have more than a significant chance of getting rejected or embarrassed. It feels like I'm trying to move a pillar from my chest and sometimes I just wanna die. But I'm determined. I had one major moment of rejection today and I felt awful, one of the worst feelings. But I kept reminding myself that this is the way towards betterment. Facing my fears is the only way to not be afraid of it anymore. I have been feeling very uneasy but also experiencing a lot of new scenarios and feelings (so to speak). I'm also very secretive and don't share a lot. The purpose of this post is also to share my vulnerability with you all from my main Reddit account. (In the past I would've done it with an alt 100%). I hope anyone struggling with this, find some strength from this that would make me genuinely happy. Also, know that you can also get out of this. One small step for you and me, one giant leap towards betterment!

Personality disorder

My face looks younger than its 39 years, and I think it’s because I’ve worked my whole life to keep it as expressionless as possible, and not reveal all the turbulent and contradictory feelings underneath. As a kid I was often mistaken as “mature beyond my years.” At least I don’t have to worry about smile lines. Through self-conscious terror, I’ve managed to suppress any impulse to have a spontaneous social reaction.

Personality disorder

My friend text me, I managed 1 reply before ignoring her. Feel just awful to any people in my life who actually try with me. My friend text me the other day, it has been a while since we interacted and I had ignored a couple messages from her this past few weeks. So anyway she texts me just asking how im doing and if I want to catch up soon or even this evening. I get that surge of okay I can do this; i wait till i get home from work (the text was in the morning) and I write a reply and send it, explaining how im not in a great head space atm, not able to be around people, but hopefully I will be able to see her soon. She sends me the sweetest reply back, I look at it, and nothing. I don't feel any anxiety or anything I just don't want to reply, I dont know whyyy. And now im sat here feeling awful about myself that I didn't reply to her. Is this a relatable thing to anyone? I feel like im just a shitty, awful, selfish person.

Personality disorder

I tried to stop having inner monologues with myself for few minutes I usually talk to myself in my thoughts a lot. I tried to stop doing it for few minutes and it was like I was hurting my brain. But it was also kind of freeing, like I didn’t think about anything and my mind was empty. But I think I will need to “exercise” this a lot more and kind of get used to it. I think having these stupid dialogues that I have are making me depressed and mad. I realized that I can stop these monologues if I want, I am just very used to having them. 🤔

Personality disorder

The Loneliness Epidemic [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-americans-are-lonelier-and-its-effects-on-our-health](https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-americans-are-lonelier-and-its-effects-on-our-health) What do you guys think about this? I can tell you that I've run ultramarathons and pushed my body well past it's limits (not bragging or anything might be the one thing I'm actually decent at lol), but there is nothing that compares to the crushing feeling of loneliness.

Personality disorder

How emotional are you, on a scale from 1 to 100? Name the top 5 things that make you emotional. 1. Music (power metal or anime OST) 2. WW2 Documentaries. 3. Psychologists crying about their patients. 4. Music again 5. And... Music one more time.

Personality disorder

Are you short-tempered? CAUSE I AM [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10nk2uq)

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

im supposed to go to therapy but then we're suddenly out of budget and now my birth giver, who caused all of this, told me to "deal with it". If it's that easy I wouldn't be missing school for months. It fucking sucks that EVERYONE is undermining everything we are going through. They don't realize how this affects our literal lives. They don't see how severe this is just because they can't see our disorder. When will the time come where people take mental health seriously? If this was a physical disorder, this would've been treated a long time ago. The school doesn't even take my situation seriously. They are basically telling me to "get over it". They are so fucking lucky they don't get to experience what we go through. It's not like we asked for this. Fuck I hate people SO MUCH. Literally the only people who sympathize with us is those who have AvPD too, literally only the community itself. It also doesn't help that my country is fucking nuts and religious and don't believe in mental health. If i asked for help, authorities would literally tell me to just pray and read the fucking bible. Fuck this country. Fuck people. Fuck everyone who doesn't take mental health seriously.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Suddenly remembering cringe moments Does anyone suddenly remembering an embarrassing or cringy thing they did in the past and then feel shitty about it😅. I’ve just had a cringe thing I did a party a year ago pop into my head and now I can’t get it out😩.

Personality disorder

Do you have an Inner monologue? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10n9t63)

Personality disorder

When people get to know me they don’t like me. I’m boring and awkward, I can put up good mask at first but under it.. is something most people don’t want. I heard through another person that a friend of mine thinks I’m too sensitive and she cant relate to me. Me being myself disappoints people.

Personality disorder

I can see why people think I'm unfriendly When I'm talking with a group I'm already comfortable with and a new person I'm not comfortable with yet comes in, I stare at them and I don't say anything. I don't look people in the eyes while talking. I don't say hi or bye. I rush to end conversations and walk away quickly if I feel overwhelmed. Not mention I have a bad case of resting bitch face. No wonder people hate me and think I'm judging them 💀

Personality disorder

I swear it is gonna kill me really dont know what to think anymore. My life is basically that of an hikikomori, with no job or future. Its an infinite cycle of me craving social interactions and me searching ways to push away from me those that try to bond

Personality disorder

First real date We walked in the park for like an entire day, then the next day watched a movie. We kissed, which was my first time doing that, cool. But it turned out she wasn't as into me as I was her. So its over, all for the best. I'm feeling so positive about it. It was painful for the first couple days after no lie, but now I feel great. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to make a move sexually, but I did it. It was awkward as hell obviously, but I did it. I was bold as fuck. And it was really no big deal. I saw her again the other day and it was totally cool, no hard feelings. I finally feel like a real living human being. It's like I've been set free in a major way. Only a year after I asked out the first person haha. Feels like a lifetime ago. I never thought I'd actually get here, and I'm so grateful that I did. And I have so much time ahead of me. I'm only 24. I used to look at the future and see only dread and misery, but now I see hope and promise. Thank you thank you

Personality disorder

Do you guys try to avoid people you know, or just people you don't know? I used to be anxious about being around strangers, but now I don't really care as much. But I always get way more anxious at the thought of meeting people I do know and I try to avoid them as much as I can. I don't even see any value in forming friendships/relationships anymore. I try open up as little as possible to people. The more I get to know them, the more I try to avoid them. I fear that friendships come with unrealistic expectations and that as people get to know me they'll realise that I'm weird and will gradually dislike me, and maybe try to make me feel guilty for not meeting their expectations. I also don't want to become dependent on other people, cos it seems like most 'friends' only seem to care about you when it suits them. I just think most friendships are fake and over-rated.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

here i go. im trying to find out my feelings another day. # at my core i feel gone like something was never placed there. im 28 years old. i will try to explain it as numb or not there. i dont feel like there is something on the inside of my mind. looking for people who relate or any support. Do you think it has a name, its not really depression imo.

Personality disorder

Idk but now I’m moving to a place I never been to. I lived in a place with very expensive rent. I tried living with my family but basically over the last two days everything fell apart. Some of it is technically my fault but more AvPD. I tried living in supported housing but always had a roommate who wouldn’t let me sleep. Almost got into having my own room but it fell apart before that. This is pretty much crazy but hopefully it will work out. I’m on disability so I’m trying to live somewhere I can get a cheap apartment. It’s possible I can get a job to make the budget issues easier. For living in unhealthy situations I couldn’t hold down a job. I’m at least hoping that’s the reason. Things with my family we’re ok before but after Covid there was like an explosion of bad luck going around. Somehow I was used as a scapegoat. Basically scared but also my life was going in a vicious cycle. I had to change something major.

Personality disorder

I wish I could be assigned a friend or partner so I had someone to share my life with Mostly I wish I could just skip all the scary beginning stuff of getting to know someone. I like having friends but I’m terrified of trying to make new ones. I like socializing but only when it’s not terrifying. I’ve never been in a relationship but it seems nice to have someone to be there for you at the end of the day. I only have my family but they all have their own lives and their own immediate families. I just wish that I had someone outside of my family. I wish I had someone that liked similar things and that I could go do stuff with or someone to eat dinner with most days. I just wish I wasn’t so scared of trying to get the things that I want. It feels like a pity party kind of night. ☹️

Personality disorder

Is anyone else ashamed of their face? I hate my face and the fact that people can see me, I’ve been told I have a decent looking face and good features but it doesn’t matter, my own mental image of myself is still awful, I think of myself like im deformed or have severe facial scarring or something. It’s like an inherent and irrational feeling of shame and guilt, a constant voice in my head telling me to hide my face, that other people will judge me or laugh at me for how bad i look When everybody had to wear face masks, I felt great. I was a little more confident going into public spaces and talking to people because I knew they couldn’t see my face and what I looked like, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders, now nobody wears them though so I generally wear a hood or hat whenever I leave the house, it just makes me feel much more comfortable. I think that’s also why eye contact is so difficult, because when they’re staring into your eyes it feels like they’re looking right at you, judging you, they’re able to see your whole face Idk why I even wrote this just wondered if anyone else feels the same, even though it’s totally irrational and there’s no reason to, I just can’t get rid of the feeling of hating everything about myself, feeling ashamed of it all, though mainly my face

Personality disorder

Being uncomfortable with personal compliments A friend complimented me, saying I have a good conversation, I'm handsome, etc. I mean, didn't attack me at all (the opposite, actually) - so why does some sort of fight/flight state come over me with situations like this? To me, it really doesn't make sense. Unfortunately, it's how I function. I have to get used to this.

Personality disorder

Gave a girl in coffee shop my number I went in for a coffee. She worked there and we got on well chatting and shared alot of info. We chatted for about 30 mins. I tested the water a few times n sort of let her know indirectly that i liked her and things still went well. I decided to just leave it at that and left on a good note I popped by on second day a few days later, i was kind of nervous n had been kicking myself i didnt give her my number the first time knowing id have to work up the courage all over again . This time after we talked for about 10 mins i gave her my number i think i came across as lill more nervous the second time but I could of done worse She never called. i thought there was some chance because things went well but i knew was no guarentee. She was quite alot younger than me but i didnt ask ages. . Still i was pretty hurt. Thats at least the last 5 times iv asked someone out or intended too n i got rejected in some way and them situations dont come around often and always require me to overcome so much anxiety . In all honesty im pretty bitter n sad sometimes at how hopeless my situation feels , i cant change alot of things and people just overlook me without giving me much of chance because they see me as a loner or some other thing i cant really change. I may not be the best but im alot more than how im collectively treated. I feel completely unseen

Personality disorder

A Social Phobic's silly questions First of all, I'm sorry for this post, I don't want to offend anyone or adorn myself with words that I'm not entitled to. After reading many of your posts and doing some research myself, I fear that I might also have AvPD or at least have very similar symptoms. My problem: How do I find out if I'm completely delusional or if there might actually be something to it? If I just ask my therapist, "How do I know I don't have AvPD?" it may come across as extremely know-it-all and pushy. Aside from that, I have many questions and concerns, what if I was misdiagnosed because I misdescribed my problems? I'm really sorry to write in this subreddit. It's just that I just panicked again because of an incident. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

Personality disorder

AvPD and Autism Last year I was diagnosed with AvPD by a psychiatrist. Today I was diagnosed as autistic after a 1.5 year process of multiple assessments culminating in a 3 hour assessment today with 2 clinic psychiatrists and an autism nurse. Now I don't know if I am just autistic or if I have AvPD too. Wondered if anyone here has had both diagnoses?

Personality disorder

I fear I'll never be loved the way I want/need to be I have this deep longing to be loved by someone who also has AvPD like me who knows and understands so incredibly well about what it's like to be me because we have very similar, if not, even the same upbringing and experiences that led to us being the people we are today. By this I mean I always think about whether I'll ever meet and get to love and be loved by someone that not only shares the same thoughts and feelings about most things (because relationship compatibility) but also shares the same traumas. I even maladaptive daydream and have intimate conversations with this nonexistent person about my life and they always meet it with patience and understanding because they're genuinely a good person and they also know firsthand what i am talking about and how I feel. I don't think I would ever go out of my way to search for people who has gone through the same things as I because I'm just not gonna make a post anywhere or go on some friend/relationship making app with a bio saying about what I've been through because I don't want to lay it all out there just like that because that's inappropriate and that I just wouldn't want to open up that way. I would want a gradual relationship to blossom from being vulnerable and building intimacy after a considerable period of time before talking too deep into the worse aspects of my life ya know? As someone with trust issues I need time to be sure i can share all of that. I'm always thinking and hoping that maybe one day I would meet a special someone that would for once make me feel I am loved because they don't have to try to understand but because they just do. I speak from a place that whenever I have spoken and been vulnerable about what I think or feel about anything they don't agree with or understand, I often receive a response that makes me feel belittled, misunderstood and disrespected. From familial to platonic to romantic relationships, I never have felt I am seen or heard with love and patience unless it's something they believe and or know about, rather I am scolded or looked at in skepticism or blatantly insulted for merely sharing something as little as expressing an opinion which always comes from a place of being respectful. To even expressing an interest of mine which comes from a place of love and passion gets mocked and made fun of. The very few people I would consider "close" in my life don't make me feel loved. Sure I feel cared about at times, such as my parents providing for me, cared for in times when friends would reach out and ask about how I'm doing and cared that I get to have consistent affectionate and attention from my romantic relationship. And yet these people have hurt me and whenever I've told them that they have hurt me they either dismiss my vulnerability of communicating my needs and wants (which should be taken as a damn compliment I even talk to them) to just being downright disrespectful to me. I thought they loved me. You don't hurt the people you love. I always end up ending the conversation and changing topic by telling them it's fine or nvm or I'll get over it or the worst of it all, telling them I was overreacting and that I'm sorry for saying anything and that they're right for calling me out for calling them out... I can't be gaslit but I sure as hell can act like it to avoid conflict don't I? ha ha ha... the things I do for love because I don't want to hurt them even though they hurt me first. It's really not hard to be a decent person especially to a "loved one" i don't find it difficult, why do they? :/ A part of me also thinks the only way I could ever get better, and I don't mean outright cured of AvPD, but rather just live easier with myself and with other people in this life in a much less difficult way is to have that person by my side who also has AvPD that can truly understand and love me and who'd uplift me and basically all that good things we should expect from being in a relationship whether platonic or romantic. But here i am having doubts that I may not even deserve that and that I should settle because I fear i will never meet that great person I so badly need to love and be loved by. I recently have been reading this book called all about love: new visions by bell hooks. It's really given me insight and confirmation about what love really is and one thing I will mention here that is talked about in the book is that abuse and love cannot coexist. It's a hard pill to swallow but it is something that we should talk about more. I suggest all of you to read it, it's an amazing book just as the author is. Tl;dr: I've taken up my time to either thinking and maladaptive daydreaming of connecting and having a relationship with someone who i am very much alike with such as sharing same traumas that led both of us to have AvPD. I want and need someone who truly is a great person that not only cares but listens and understands with patience about my thoughts, feelings, well being, and general existence that would make me feel the love I truly deserve because people "close" to me in my life have not given that love. But yet I fear I will never that and even doubt myself that I might not even deserve that love. To anyone that has read this far: thank you for listening and I hope you have a good day/night 💜

Personality disorder

My life is wasting away while everyone is building a good future for themselves. It seems like everyone I know is set for their future. My two best friends are currently studying in big reputable schools studying chemical engineering and business, something that will help them achieve great goals in the future. While I'm here rotting away in my house doing the same thing everyday because I'm to fucked up in the head to go to school and finish high school. I'm afraid everyone would move on with their lives and I'd have to deop out of school and repeat again. I would be graduating at 20 when I should have been graduating at 18. It would be completely ok if I was rich, but I'm not. I can't afford to slack all day and do nothing, but my pathetic brain stops me from doing anyhting. Before my country adopted the k-12 curriculum, everyone graduated at 16, goes to college/uni for 4 years, and graduated at 20. Now I'm barely graduating at 19 years old. It feels like everyone I know is gonna be rich and successful in the future and I'm just gonna be here rotting my life away.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Trouble saying "I love you" Just curious about this. I've noticed in myself that while I can say it to my family members, I have trouble saying it to anyone else. I have a few close friends in particular who say it a lot to me and to one another, and I just can't say it back for some reason. And it's not that I don't care about my friends, it's just some mental block in my head I guess. Saying it to parents or siblings feels more "automatic" in a way I guess, and is therefore less uncomfortable. Such as ending a phone call with "love you, bye" "love you too, bye". But outside of that I have trouble with it. Does anyone else experience this? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10ltnzn)

Personality disorder

Dying of cringe from a poor social interaction today. How the hell do I cope? I can't focus on work or do anything because of cringe making me want to scream, and furthermore, my friend teased me about it... Makes me wanna stay inside for the next decade or so.

Personality disorder

Avoiding to live up to my potential This shit is killing me sometimes. I like drawing and cooking sweets like cakes, cookies, muffins and etc. I do have some passions and I'd love to improve my skills and spend my entire time doing this. But I avoid even thinking about going to university because that immediately settles negative thoughts in my rotten brain. What if I embarrass myself yet again?If I am not immediately good at this, what's the point of all that?This is gonna be more stressful and exhausting than enjoyable..and so on and so on. I think I do have some sort of potential but I refuse to live up to it. So many obstacles and curves on this path, it feels like I am going to fail and eventuality quit at the very start. I don't know what else to say..this is so frustrating. Anyone else here who's feeling same? Sorry for some mistakes I might have made btw, english isn't my native language.

Personality disorder

Can you relate to these? I wanna know if you guys can relate to these points or not 1. I try not to speak loudly on my own with myself so other people cannot hear you? 2. I recall and get critical about any past conversation you had recently (at times word to word)? 3. I don't want to meet or get confronted by someone to avoid getting questioned at, about the very thing I fear that I lack? And I would be open to those questions once I fix those things. 4. I feel I have so much potential.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Intense fear of failure Today I found out that 'atychiphobia' is the clinical term for the fear of failure. I've been consumed by atychiphobia ever since my teenage years. I've purposely passed up on big opportunities due to it, and as a result held myself back multiple times. Well, now I've stumbled upon a hurdle that I need to overcome in order to achieve my next goal in life. I've been looking for ways to bypass the hurdle so I don't have to potentially experience failure, but I can't seem to find any other ways forward. The reality is I'll have to attempt to overcome this obstacle in order to move forward but it's terrifying knowing I might never overcome it. Anyone ever experienced similar or have tips for overcoming this fear?

Personality disorder

Have you ever overshared? If so how the hell do you cope? I’ve literally been keeping all my feelings inside for years so it’s all just been building up, and a few weeks ago I had a total breakdown and texted this guy I barely know just telling him about this thing that happened. And he’s like twice my age and I just work next to him, I saw him a fair bit but I never really talked to him of course because avpd so things were just always awkward. But the thing is he was super nice about it, and so then I WAY overshared and texted him a bunch of personal shit and it made total sense when I was sending it and then the next day I was like what the hell did I send this guy? And now I feel SO embarrassed and I just don’t know what to do with this feeling. And the worst part is I still can’t talk to him, I saw him for the first time the other day since sending that text and he was being so nice about it and I still couldn’t talk to him. And I might not see him again for a while because my job is kinda changing right now but I just don’t know what to do with this feeling. TLDR: Got super emotional and texted this guy who I barely talked to a bunch of personal shit. So now he knows that I’m messed up and also knows that I’m so pathetic and alone that I like him way more than I should and I don’t know what to do with this embarrassment.

Personality disorder

I quit my job without telling my boss So I work as a cashier and this saturday (28th) was supposed to be my last day there (end of my contract, which was going to be renewed) but last saturday (21th) after my long shift I decided I couldn't go through another week at this workplace so I took all my stuff and left for good without telling anyone. This job has burnt me out so much and gave me panic attacks and I didn't see myself staying there another week. But I was mostly afraid to tell my boss that I didn't want to renew my contract, too scared to see disappointment on her face and to let them down... So by quiting early I wouldn't have to face this situation... I didn't show up on Monday and didn't call, but I sent to HR a doctor's note from my psychiatrist telling them that I am taking a break from work. My boss has tried to call me yesterday but I didn't respond. I feel shitty right now and I hate this AVPD.... This fear of confrontation and disappointing is killing me.

Personality disorder

How to know if it's social anxiety or AvPD ? I think I have social anxiety (no official diagnosis because getting any kind of official diagnosis is difficult here but it's fairly obvious and several mental health professionals I've seen acknowledged it) but I recognise myself a lot in the symptoms of AvPD. I tried looking online what the exact difference between social anxiety and AvPD but I didn't really find anything useful or well explained enough. This disorder seems fairly unknown to me and I'm struggling to find ressources. How do you know it's AvPD and not social anxiety? Is there any good ressources (books, YouTube channel, website,...) on this topic that you would recommend. Is it okay for me self diagnose?

Personality disorder

AvPD and Social Anxiety on the rise? It feels like AvPD and social anxiety are becoming more prevalent (especially younger generations) and that this was exacerbated by the pandemic. Even before the pandemic it was an issue with the use of social media fueling a rise in mental health issues, but the isolation of the pandemic obviously made things worse. Maybe AvPD will become more mainstream in a few years?

Personality disorder

I wish I had the social skills to buy weed How does one find someone selling weed when they have no friends? I think it’d really help me. I don’t want to buy it online it’s too complicated and risky.

Personality disorder

Question to people with AvPD Is it true that the significant difference between AvPD and SAD is that people with AvPD aren't interested in social relationships, whereas social phobics are indeed interested in those but their anxiety won't let them?

Personality disorder

Fear is the death of potential, comfort it's instrument. Deep down, I'm still that poor, scared little boy who lost his confidence, beaten and humiliated and alone. So desperately alone Beyond that, and deeper, perhaps, is a skeleton where the man should be; held together by wishes and fantasies of what it means to be, of what it means to deserve, and the empty bravado and bloviations of a synthetic confidence made of air. Now, I can play the role of the confident man. I can laugh and smile and charm and begile and speak with an iron certainty that brooks no argument, and most would be tricked into thinking this is strength, but these are nothing more than the desperate, craven thrusts of defense - a pained and insecure theatre to hide my own inadequacy from inquiring eyes. I feel so worthless, so replaceable, so expendable. If I am not the absolute best, then how can I be valuable at all? How can someone not replace me? How can I feel secure within my relationship with others? Everywhere I look, I notice others better than me. People who are better looking, taller, smarter, with nicer bodies, and I cannot escape the realisation that these people could replace and take from me everything that I hold dear. I have an adoring girlfriend, but how long will that last? How can I trust in permanence when so many better than me exist? When the wheels of fate are always in motion, spinning towards a yet unknown destination? Every man man is my rival. Every man is better than me. I must be perfect, otherwise I am worthless. Somewhere along the way, during adolescence and early adulthood, fear gripped my heart. It squeezed and twisted me into submission, until I felt powerless to travel any road that was not certain and safe. In persuing safety, I was tricked into embracing comfort, which came for me in the from of constant daily drinking. For five years, I drank and drank and isolated, until I was emaciated, malnourished, alone, so desperately alone, wasted, pitiful, weak, hopeless, and broken. The indifference and apathy that was birthed by alcohol facilitied me leaving university, abandoning the future I had dreamed of since a small boy, and finally extinguishing the withering flame of hope that I did not know still existed inside of me. I slept on empty rum bottles, littering a dirty and dark floor in a small room. I seldom washed or showered or ate, and I only left the house to buy enough alcohol to fuel my two-letres-a-day rum habit. I was so alone, so desperately alone. I spent over half a year without any communication with others at all, and then only interacted with basic pleasantries in the couple of years that followed. Yet somehow, against all predictions, I stopped drinking. That was almost two years ago now. Since that moment, I have not faltered once, nor did I ever fear doing so. I was at rock bottom, I knew that I could not drink anymore. The realisation hit me suddenly, with force sufficient to stop me mid step, on my way to buy rum. A voice in my head, clear and confident and smooth, stated "you can't do this anymore", and thus, the decision to never drink again was made. And I cannot go against decisions already made, in the same way I cannot reverse the motion that broke a glass against the floor. From that moment, I have worked hard to build myself up from the creature I was. Now, on the precipice of achieving two years of uninterrupted sobriety, I have a new, respectable full-time job, I workout five times a week, I have a loving girlfriend, and yet I am haunted by the immutable weight of my own inadequacies and regrets. Everyone around me is more successful than I am. My girlfriend is currently on a buisness trip abroad, surrounded by other people of stature, significance, and importance. And what am I? An addict, a university dropout, and a worthless, talentless, static waste of life. I know that I cannot compare my life and success to others. Every person you meet has travelled a different path to yours, with different privillages and struggles, and a completely different set of potentials. I should only reflect on the life I have lived, judging my success by the progress I have made. I understand this, logically. It makes sense... Only, I cannot help but compare. I want to be more. So much more. I need to be more. I want to go back to university, but I fear I am not smart enough. I had no confidence in going in the first place, but it was a path I was on, so I did not dwell on the fear. Now, with the flow of this path disrupted, I cannot find within myself the confidence to take the plunge back into formal education. I am inert with doubt. Why is it I cannot move past my regrets? Why do I feel so inadequate?

Personality disorder

I don't really want what I think I want. For most of the time, my brain is overwhelmed by emotions rather than thoughts. Rational or irrational. Like... I *think* about something a lot, but it's never really connected to my life in any tangible or material way.

Personality disorder

sick of it honestly this is more of a screaming into the void post than anything. im kind of sick of just not doing anything all day, everyday kind of feels like a repeat of the same day. i'm awful at making friends, every attempt has been pretty much futile (i'm still trying, though); i want to be productive but i have so many issues with starting anything; i run away from everything even though i'm well aware that'll cause even more issues, but anything to delay the pain i guess; i'm awful. i need to make changes in my life but it's so hard, and any change i make just makes me wanna go back into my reclusive life. whenever i see anything about people my age or younger achieve something that i never will, i get pissy but i don't do anything to better myself afterwards. i used to workout as a way to be productive but man, i have a chronic illness that just makes that impossible, now i feel like a complete total loser. i used to be one of those gifted kids and everyone had such high expectations of me, but now i'm just a loser with underdeveloped social skills. i almost feel like there's no one in this world that's dealing with the same issues.

Personality disorder

Resentment I have been suspecting about having AvPD for quite some time. Knowing that my inability to have close relationships and function in society wasn't just my fault but is due to a condition conforts me and gives me some pointers on what to do to battle it. I really, really, really don't want to keep on living this cold, walled-in hikikomori hell i was in throughout my teenage years and twenties. And boy, did I gather all my willpower to try and change my situatuon, asking this friend out over and over, trying to send them memes to make them laugh and engaging with what they were posting. They ghosted me, so I stopped reaching out to them. I gathered that they just didn't want to be around me. It really hurt and I blamed myself for beint unlikable and all. After months, I slowly started healing back again and just... Moved on. Recently they came out as having AvPD to me and other friends and I now... sorta hold a grudge against this person. I know I'm supposed to be understanding and all because I've been there (i am there, actually), but also... Fuck no :/ I put a lot of effort and courage in asking them to hang out every week, at a certain point I got tired of asking and being constantly ignored/rejected (especially in addition to little jokes about how ugly, badly dressed and socially awkward i was and how my bf probably cheats on me) made me relapse pretty badly. How convenient to be cruel to the jobless, lonely loser and then blame it on AvPD.

Personality disorder

Does Childhood Emotional Neglect Cause Avoidant Personality Disorder? Not sure if anyone shared this here before (its from 2016) but I thought it was an interesting read.

Personality disorder

Tendency to shutdown I'm sure I'm not the only one doing this but I find myself shutting down and withdrawing from people and situations to such an extent that I am unable to look them in the eye. It is triggered through different mechanisms but most often than not it is triggered by a situation in which I feel less worthy than what I already am. I have low self esteem and an extremely negative view of myself. Notwithstanding my past having an influence on that view. Some situations may come across as innocent; suppose you were friends with someone. Not direct friends, a friend of your significant other or a friend of a friend. This friend takes interest in you only at times where they are in your company. Or having a mental meltdown in my case. They never text. Truth be told, they never even ask about you. Another example, people ask you your opinion about something. You give it thinking it may be of use but then it turns out they didn't even bother listening. Or they brag to you about a choice they made when you suggested it in the first place. You feel like nobody sees you. Nobody respects you. Nobody listens to you. I withdraw and I shut down. Although I can try and look past it, I can never truly get over it. It adds to my negative outlook on life and it breaks me down further. Soon there'll be nothing left to break. I feel alone; levels that's been elevating over the last couple of years. I don't know if life is truly worth pursuing anymore. Any way, don't mind me. Just another rant.

Personality disorder

Negative self-centeredness This applies to social anxiety disorder, and many other mental illnesses, but if the sense of self is so negative, it also creates a negative perception of other people, and applies it back onto oneself, as the center object, even if self-esteem is low and esteem for others is idealized. It's important to teach people to have positive self-esteem regardless of what other people, but also to challenge the perceptions of other people in the first place.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

It seems hopeless, but is there any way to find a remote job online if I have avpd and don't really have... any redeeming qualities or skills for the market due to lifelong isolation and self-sabotage? I know that people who have their psyche together have an extremely hard time finding jobs too, we live in very confusing times. And I'm less employable than most people of my age. I don't have a finished degree, I don't have presentable look, I don't really have hobbies other than videogames and some niche knowledge about obscure culture things, I'm not great at communicating, but more importantly I haven't worked or studied in about 4 years at this point, so I pretty much forgot how to look and present human at this point. I'm not really interested in anything in the normal sense either due to anhedonia or general dissociation from my own emotions and needs. I'm thinking about therapy as something that could guide me and help me in life, I know this is really "all eggs in one basket" kind of thing, but I genuinely only believe in one thing and it's therapy. And to pay for any therapy, I need money. But I'm so lost and hopeless in navigating job market, I'm practically terrified because I'm a grown ass person and I have never worked in my life before other than one small online gig I got by pure luck, and it was a one time thing, and it's not repeatable, and skills for that don't transfer anywhere. I've heard about things like rev or something like that, but they banned my country because of recent world events. I was researching different sort of freelance stuff but I consistently got terrified of having to promote myself or even commit to any craft at all due to self-defeating attitude my whole life. So in the end I don't know anything, don't have any skills other than fluent english and my native language, have absolutely no experience of any job whatsoever. It feels incredibly hopeless. Any tips? Maybe some websites that could help with making small money for manageable tasks? I'll be very grateful for any response.

Personality disorder

Disillusioned by therapy Maybe I'm being too critical, but I feel like therapy has not been helpful to me. I had finally reached out for help just before the pandemic and was seeing a therapist. She was extremely nice and it did help finally having someone to talk to. When everything switched to remote sessions during the pandemic, it seemed like she rushed through our sessions and sometimes they would be over in 15 minutes. I didn't confront her about this. I ended up just ghosting. I'm not happy with myself for doing that, but it's part of this illness I guess. I then went through my local university because I had read they had a good social anxiety program and saw a few a student therapists, again all very nice people, but I still felt stuck. About a year after seeing a few student therapists, I was informed my current student therapist was finishing their program and that I would need to find a new therapist outside of their program. They offered to show me how to find one on Psychology Today. I was already well aware of how to do this and was a bit surprised with how it seemed like they were just dumping me off. I'm 31 years old. It took me decades to finally ask for help. I'm not blaming anyone and I need to put in the work to succeed, but I have to say I was a bit disillusioned by the whole therapy experience. Just being honest.

Personality disorder

Anyone else idolize friends from their past? I hold onto memories of people who have left me seemingly endlessly. Good ones, bad ones. Perhaps because I believe they must be some kind of ‘special’ person to have enjoyed my company. I think my connections have always been more deep for me than the other person because I’m desperate. I wish I wouldn’t remember them. Wipe it all clean. Constantly being hit with intrusive thoughts of everyone who isn’t around and how difficult those relationships were is exhausting. I had a dream about a close friend who abandoned me (justifiably, not even my self esteem talking, I was a shitty person then) reconciling with me over lunch. Extremely vivid, and I felt so at peace after our conversation. So glad that she wanted to talk with me again. Then I wake up from this bliss, all alone. Go to school, alone. Come home and make dinner, alone. Go back to sleep, alone. It’s absolutely crushing to be so alone and feel like you don’t have the tools to come back from that.

Personality disorder

Does anyone else get really lonely sometimes and wish you had someone to talk to/ text all the time like others do? I am lucky to have a few friends but they don't reply for days and I just wish I had lots of people to talk to sometimes! Or when you do something cool/interesting and realise you don't have anyone to tell 😢 But I know if I did have close people like that id be stressed all the time about the relationships...

Personality disorder

Which fictional character resonates with you the most? Which character can you relate to the most and feels like they truly embody your personal experience? I'll go first and say, so far, it's probably Elsa of Frozen for me.

Personality disorder

Low EQ Parents I always knew that my dad was low EQ. But, my biggest epiphany was realizing that even my mom is low EQ. You always think that because women tend to express their emotions so readily, that they're high in EQ. BUT, beware, THAT IS NOT THE CASE. Emotional Expressiveness IS NOT THE SAME AS Emotional Intelligence!

Personality disorder

rejection this is kind of a stupid, petty thing to talk about but honestly, i just wanna get this off my chest. i have a friend, we've been friends for like, 5 years already and we've basically grown up together. we were both sort of socially withdrawn so all we had were one another, and so we'd talk everyday, all day. i remember this one time we had a conversation where they told me that they tend to ghost people and slowly pull back when they feel as if talking to someone starts to feel draining, or they just don't like the person anymore. lately, they've been pulling away, like replying less and less, and just ignoring me for the entire day. though, sometimes they'd stay and have a full conversation with me, but it's kind of rare and i get the feeling that they do it only to "keep me there", like to ensure my stay... kind of like a push and pull. it's not like they don't have time either. sometimes when we'd have a half conversation, they'd always, and i say always, talk about how they're connecting with someone, how they had fun with someone new, all this passionate stuff, and it just stings a bit. by a bit, i mean a lot. i know i'm not entitled to their time by any means but like, i just feel like i've been hit by a truck. i know they're purposely ignoring me, i know they're losing interest in me, i even get the feeling that we're growing out of one another. i'm just wondering... what about me isn't enough that's worthy of their time? am i not interesting enough? am i boring? i don't know. oh well, shit happens i suppose. i'm trying to fight the urge to isolate myself for half a year because i keep feeling rejected by them.

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

I think I'm becoming a misanthrope. I keep seeing all these humans doing something they enjoy, doing something they're good at, doing something thar earns them a living. Worse than that, I keep seeing character development and growth. I keep seeing humans getting better. And I hate it. When is it gonna be my turn? No matter how fucking long it's been, nothing fucking changes.

Personality disorder

L Im not sure who to fight for because i dont know who my enemies are. Im sorry to those who were like me who i could not be there. Hold strong

Personality disorder

Personality disorder

Do you feel that you fit in here? Or on Reddit in general? I've been mostly lurking around here for many months now, and I'm constantly seeing posts that make me feel like I don't belong, or I'm an odd one out. Like other people think and communicate in a certain way that's different from my own, or have an understanding of what AvPD means that clashes with my own, or they have (fairly ordinary) life experiences or achievements that seem impossible for me. I don't know how much of it is due to the condition itself (if AvPD is even the right label for my specific brand of brokenness), and how much of it is due to objective differences related to the fairly unusual path I've taken through life. Also, Reddit is regarded to have a kind of 'hive mind', where posters tend to express similar views in similar ways to the point where it's difficult to distinguish individuals. I see myself as an outsider looking at that from a distance, but do any of you see yourself as being a part of that? If you don't feel you fit in, why is that, specifically? What details about you clash with what you perceive as the Reddit or r/AvPD culture(s)? And if you DO feel you fit in, especially on Reddit in general, how does that relate to your AvPD? Is it easier to wear a metaphorical mask as a part of a collective, something like that? (That mask-wearing is something I see mentioned a lot here which makes me feel like I don't fit in, as I don't do it.) [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/10kvhz6)

Personality disorder

Are you a fawn? In Pete Walker's work there are 4 types of trauma responses. Fight, flight, freeze, and the last least spoken about, *fawn*. Fawning is just as it sounds. You fawn over people. You people please and bend to their will even if you know it's fucking you over in the long run. I feel like being a fawn has caused me to hate people even more than I should lol. Because when people come around, they usually come with some bs that I don't really want anything to do with. Wanting favors, wanting me to be their emotional punching bag, wanting validation, wanting talk at me, wanting me to give them stuff etc. I don't have a back bone and it's really hard for me to tell people to kick rocks without feeling guilty So it just becomes another reason why I isolate myself. Nobody can drag me into their drama if nobody is there to begin with. Are you like this?

Personality disorder

Laziness is something we ascribe to normal people who just lack that inner drive The drive which most people were just born with. Dopamine cascades or whatever. Then there's us. The folk who just don't thrive on attention and competition. I absolutely believe we were born this way. I've tried, and failed, to describe this to so many psychiatrists and psychologists it's not even funny anymore. The schizoids call this anhedonia. Myself, I've always struggled to orgasm during sex. We are OK. We're not psychopaths. We have empathy, and we have all the things in place in order to love.

Personality disorder

I got an email. Can someone please hold my hand so I can open it? Thanks. /hj you don't actually gotta hold my hand aha

Personality disorder

Does anyone else ever get thoughts like “I don’t deserve to be walking down this hallway… I’m not important enough.” I think this is like a generalized imposter syndrome. Typically people feel like an imposter in their field of work, but this would be like that in all cases. I have a pretty underdeveloped sense of self. While we’re at it, does anybody else constantly smile in social situations to minimize the chances of having to deal with hostility, danger, or stress from the other person? I just had the thought recently that this is why I smile constantly while talking to people. I recall the first time somebody asked me why I smiled all the time. I genuinely had no idea that I was smiling, but that would explain why people are usually cheerful around me! Apparently, this is referred to as “fawning”.

Personality disorder

What’s The Worst Job or Career For an Avoidant? Title - but What’s a job/career that an Avoidant would 1. strongly dislike Or 2. may struggle with doing core components of the job successfully

Personality disorder

Trying to explain the main difference between Social Anxiety and AvPD One of the most common questions on this subreddit is the difference between SAD and AvPD. Lately I've been trying to put it like this: **Social anxiety:** I'm afraid they'll see how nervous I am (fear of embarrassment) **AvPD:** I'm afraid they'll see how inept I am (fundamental belief of inferiority) On top of that, AvPD is more severe (prevalent in every aspect of life) and persistant (there's no periods where you DON'T feel it), whereas SAD is situational (you might not feel anxiety in every social situation and go through periods where you feel less/no anxiety). But the belief of being inferior has to be the main thing that sets AvPD apart from SAD. Because of this deep-rooted belief, every social interaction, everything someone says can be taken as rejection and therefore as a confirmation of our beliefs about ourselves. Even positive situations can confirm these beliefs ('they like me now, but once they really know me they'll hate me' or 'they're only pretending to like me'). Another thing is, the belief of inferiority often shows up *outside* of social situations: e.g. avoiding doing homework/writing essays or even hobbies because you feel like it wouldn't be good enough. Does this make sense? Please correct me if it's too generalizing. I might delete this post later

Personality disorder

Ever (knowingly) met anyone else with avpd? Wouldn't that be great? A general acceptance understanding of eachother's issues. Instant common ground. I've been able to discuss mental health in general with people, but this disorder is so specific. I feel you have to have it to truly grasp what it's like to walk a day in the shoes

Personality disorder

Self-diagnosis for this, what do you think? Obviously I think therapy is extremely important this, but I also think it's one of those things that can be self-diagnosed. With the age of the internet, it's easy to get into the mode of self-diagnosis, whether it be for physical or mental illness. But, I feel emotionally struck by this, it's not a fun thing or something that feels relatable, it strikes me to the core and I don't want it to. I don't want this to be the reality, but it resonates so much more than social anxiety disorder ever did. I'm not saying that a feeling is an indicator of the truth, but I've read a lot about it and continuously have tried to think of ways in which I may not, but it fits so well. Beyond on the symptoms, I've dung into the roots, the commo thought patterns, behaviors, etc. It's not something I feel will pull me down or become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because as painful as it's been to learn about, it's something I feel refreshed by, in having language to explain my experiences and perception of myself. I thought I was self aware before, but I had a lot of false beliefs and I also have a tendency to detach from my unhealthy and hurtful behaviors.

Personality disorder

Trying to wrap my head around all of this, hear me out if you will :) So I'm 50 M diagnosed (adult) with high functioning autism. I have been lurking the schizoid community for some time because I have so much in common with the guys who post over there. Mostly, it's the anhedonia that really strikes a chord with me. The prevailing attitude over at r/schizoid seems to be this cavalier stance that loneliness is just a preference. Well, I take issue with this. Myself, I've been isolating on and off so much since even before puberty. Sure, it kind of feels good to not have to spend cognitive energy on social stuff. But loneliness is taking a toll on me. My brain operates on "use it or lose it", and I feel that now more than ever. Especially since covid-19. The more I isolate, which is something I can do day to day without sacrificing too much in the short run, the less high functioning I become. I guess I substitute beer, vidyas and parasocially engaging on YouTube for the real thing. It's kind of working, but I really miss intimacy and that human connection. I feel like I'm ever so slowly spiraling into insanity. :/

Personality disorder

Interview anxiety Hi all, I’ve been job searching since August but now that I have an offer for an in-person interview 2 days from now, I’m really struggling to respond, just to say that I can make it. I guess my education makes me very overqualified for it or something, and it’s seemingly a relatively asocial role, but the thought of even going to the interview fills me with anxiety. I know I have to change my circumstances but the clearest opportunities to do so are the points of greatest resistance.

Personality disorder

What attachment styles do you have? I was wondering what attachment style usually is related to avpd. I feel like I have fearful-avoidant since I'm for the most part really avoidant towards pretty much everyone but if I get close to someone, (I finally found some I can really trust and like very dearly) I'm very anxious for the most part and needy. There's times where I feel negatively towards them, mostly when I was too open but that happened mostly in the beginning. Now if it happens I know it's due to fear of something and it goes away rather quickly.

Personality disorder

My therapist asked me today who was the most important person in my life and I laughed and cried cause honestly no one. That's it. That's the post.

Personality disorder

I feel the need to take revenge because I was isolated I don’t care if this sounds edgy I’m going to mention it anyways. I’ve been bullied out of school as the same with online. I’ve began to develop a hatred for anyone that’s not like me. I had a vent account and the amount of people who just didn’t understand how severe my isolation was insane. I had so many people telling me “you just want to be edgy” and I even got called “incel” on numerous occasions for saying women and relationships make me feel uncomfortable. It felt like everytime I reached out to others on the internet (what I thought could be a safe space lmao) there was always someone who had to pick me apart, and find everything wrong with me. After awhile I gave up trying to reach out and now on other social media accounts I say things just to piss people off. Even if I don’t agree with the things I say online half the time, I just need to get that rage from some people. I don’t know how this fixes anything for myself, if anything you’d think people telling me to end my life for fake opinions would get me to stop. I’ve come to hate almost everyone. As long as I know people were mad enough to send me death threats, I feel like i’ve given them some sort of revenge. I can’t do anything about what happened to me in my personal life and I hate it. I think feeling lonely for so long has made me feel anger toward those who didn’t accept me. Have any of you also gone through this or do I seriously need therapy?

Personality disorder

I only have one set of clothes. I can't imagine going to a clothing store. Buy only on the Internet. If I buy online, the size does not fit. I don't need a lot of clothes because I don't have to go out. I don't even go to the barbershop. I cut my own hair There is a supermarket right next to the house, but I don't go there. Necessary items are purchased through Internet delivery. I used to go to the supermarket often when I was young, but I'm 28 years old and still unemployed, so I'm afraid the supermarket owner will recognize me.

Personality disorder

I don’t understand how to get/do jobs Why are the descriptions of every job so alienating? Like I just don’t get why they write them like that. Not everyone they hire is a good communicator or excellent at whatever or fast paced. Fuck, I’m middle aged and I can’t do anything. Yes a bunch of that is the shame voice, but so? It feels like everything is constantly rejecting me by putting barriers everywhere and I’m already fucking exhausted from having to be alive. I just feel so dejected about doing literally anything for money. It’s been my most difficult barrier and all I want is someone to be gentle with me so I can trust them and give working a shot. But if they only want people with social and other skills they already don’t want me, so how is that fair?

Personality disorder

NEED a different career. Help! Are there any jobs that people are surviving with? Preferably something remote. I do play based therapy with toddlers with autism and my client is not doing well in a classroom environment that he moved to in December. There is a boy who seeks him out and tries to bully him. Yesterday this girl in the classroom confronts me about how his tantrums are not because he is overwhelmed but insinuating that I cause the behaviors because I let him out of activities when he is upset. Well, I don't want to traumatize a 2 year old, so I do try to be sensitive to him and his needs. I think putting a 2 year old with a lot of sensitivities in a loud classroom was a bad idea anyway. It is 3am and I can't sleep because of this. I need a new job, I need a new job, I need a new job. I just don't know what.

Personality disorder