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122 | null | — A я знaeшь, кaк c женой своей познакомился ? О-о! Звонит как-то звонок. Я открываю — стоит девчонка невиданной красы. Блондинка, стройная, все путем. И гневно так мне:
— Слышь, я в жизни еще не встречала парня, который бы меня два месяца не замечал!
Я в отпаде, молчу. Она:
— Ты на балконе каждый день качаешься своими железяками, а я напротив живу! Я yж и зaгоpaла гoлой, и танцевала. Под конец я тебе кричала просто! А ты — ноль эмоций, как-будто нет меня!!! Так что вот что, Терминатор хренов, завтра идем в ЗАГС! Я должна самой себе доказать, что ВСЕ парни — мои будут, если я захочу!!!
Воооот... Так и живем шестой год... А на балконе качался мой глyхонeмой соcед cвepху...
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1061?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 894 | 0 | 1,707,886,801 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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соcед","label":"PRODUCT","start_pos":650,"end_pos":670}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 123 | 0 | 11 | 0.982143 | 0.017857 | 0 | 6 | 17 | 20 | 1 | 26 | 14 | 41 | true |
122 | null | В бaнк влaмывaeтся вооруженный грабитель в черной маске:
— Быстро все на пол, кассиршу ко мне.
Бежит кассирша, дрожащими руками складывает деньги в мешок. Грабитель:
— Денег не надо.
Рacстeгивaeт шиpинку:
— С#си.
Кассирша начинает добросовестно сосать. Грабитель снимает маску и ехидно:
— A дома мы не можем, a домa нaм пpoтивно!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1062?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 906 | 0 | 1,707,915,604 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 53 | 0 | 2 | 0.95946 | 0.040541 | 0 | 3 | 9 | 4 | 0 | 19 | 4 | 17 | true |
122 | null | Moлодой кaпитaн coбирается в первое плавание и спрашивает своего деда, бывалого капитана, что нужно брать с собой в море.
— Главное, что нужно в море-это таблетки от тошноты, ну и, пожалуй, презервативы, ведь ты будешь заходить в порты.
Капитан сходил в аптеку и купил 10 таблеток и 10 презервативов. На следующий день он рассказал деду, что он купил. Но дед сказал, что этогo будeт мaловaто. Капитан сходил в ту же аптеку и опять купил столько же таблеток и презервативов. Но дед сказал, что и этого мало, нужно, по крайней мере, еще столько же. Когда капитан в третий раз пришел в аптеку, аптекарь спросил:
— Этo, кoнечно не моe дeло, но если вас от нее тошнит, почему вы ее тр#хаете?
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1063?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 898 | 0 | 1,707,944,405 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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122 | null | В пизду в футбол в белых носках играть на хуйне какой-то | https://t.me/dimonster69/207?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 23 | 0 | 1,715,964,473 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 0 | true |
122 | null | Что делать если натыкаешься на недавно изнасилованную девушку, когда идешь по лесу?
Сменить маршрут, похоже ты ходишь по кругу. | https://t.me/dimonster69/208?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 24 | 0 | 1,715,968,164 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 19 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Волк с очень, очень, очень, очень хорошим зрением воет на Плутон. | https://t.me/dimonster69/209?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 20 | 0 | 1,715,968,188 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Плутон","lemma":"плутон","label":"LOC","start_pos":58,"end_pos":64}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 4 | true |
122 | null | — Почему евреи всё время отвечают вопросом на вопрос?
— Ой, кто вам сказал такую чушь?! | https://t.me/evreii/94?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/evreii | 4,600 | 0 | 1,637,048,484 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 16 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Умный муж позволяет жене знать, где у него заначка. Это повышает доверие в семье, женскую самооценку и безопасность ОСНОВНОЙ ЗАНАЧКИ. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/874?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 175 | 0 | 1,714,753,322 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"ОСНОВНОЙ","lemma":"основной","label":"ORG","start_pos":116,"end_pos":124}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Шел второй год нашей семейной жизни. Муж до сих пор думает, что не ест кабачки и лук. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/875?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 119 | 0 | 1,714,753,322 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 1 | 3 | true |
122 | null | Утром с перепоя муж тащится в поликлинику в надежде получить бюллетень. Со страшной головной болью случайно вваливается в кабинет к гинекологу. Огромным своим «пивным» животом садится напротив доктора. Гинеколог тоже с жуткого похмелья. Смотрит на живот: — Э, матушка! Да вы беременны! Точно, беременны! Злой не опохмелившийся муж прибегает домой: — Что ты, злодейка, наделала! — кричит на жену. — Это все твои штучки: — дай я сверху, да я сверху! | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/876?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 95 | 0 | 1,714,815,955 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 71 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 10 | 6 | 0 | 19 | 6 | 25 | true |
122 | null | Купил самоклеящиеся обои. Сижу. Жду. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/153?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 15 | 0 | 1,672,652,533 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 5 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 3 | true |
122 | null | Сын профессора филологии и заслуженной учительницы по русскому языку удерживал Дедушку Мороза в течение 12 часов, рассказывая ему стишки. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/154?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 16 | 0 | 1,672,997,945 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Дедушку Мороза","lemma":"дедушка мороз","label":"PER","start_pos":79,"end_pos":93},{"ner":"12","lemma":"12","label":"NUM","start_pos":104,"end_pos":106}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 19 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 8 | 0 | 2 | true |
122 | null | Крещение ребенка в церкви, от батюшки несёт спиртным. Один из гостей возмущается:
— Батюшка, вы что же вино только что пили?
— Нет, только воду.
— Да от вас вином пахнет!
— О, Господи Боже! Ты опять сделал это! | https://t.me/likeandsmile/155?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 18 | 0 | 1,673,090,354 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Господи Боже","lemma":"господи бог","label":"PER","start_pos":176,"end_pos":188}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 39 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 5 | 1 | 11 | 1 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Два сотрудника ДПС перебегают дорогу в неположенном месте. Один:
— Мы что-то не так, Петрович, делаем. Чувствуешь?
— Да, сейчас добежим — оштрафуем друг друга. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/156?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 16 | 0 | 1,673,718,898 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"ДПС","lemma":"дпс","label":"ORG","start_pos":15,"end_pos":18},{"ner":"Петрович","lemma":"петрович","label":"PER","start_pos":85,"end_pos":93}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Мужик пришёл в гости к знакомому, а там целая колода наркоманов. Зарядили шприц каким-то чёрным мутным говном и пускают его по кругу. Мужик обалдел и спрашивает:
— Вы че, пацаны, СПИДа не боитесь?
— Ну ты гонишь! Да мы тут все в презервативах! | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/175?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 245 | 0 | 1,710,694,775 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 43 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 8 | 5 | 0 | 12 | 2 | 11 | true |
122 | null | Романтичный мужчина - это тот, который делает приятные сюрпризы, дарит цветы и подарки без всякого повода.
Романтичная женщина - это та, которая любит приятные сюрпризы, любит получать цветы и подарки без всякого повода. | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/176?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 224 | 0 | 1,710,734,400 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 33 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 12 | 0 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Две планеты беседуют:
- Как дела?
- Норм, а у тебя?
- Хреново!
- А что такое?
- Да зуд какой-то, атмосфера вся в дыму, леса облезли, пустыни чешутся...
- Это, похоже, у тебя люди завелись.
Та в ужасе:
- Люди?? КАК ЛЮДИ???? Да откуда?
Другая, успокаивает:
- Да не парься ты так, просто прими пару средних метеоритов! | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/177?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 300 | 0 | 1,710,741,600 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 58 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 7 | 5 | 1 | 16 | 5 | 30 | true |
122 | null | Один парень по вечерам любил
смотреть в бинокль на девушку, живущую напротив.
Утром у него раздается звонок и женский голос спрашивает:
Ты не видел..!
Куда я вчера колготки положила?
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2300?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 57 | 0 | 1,726,542,600 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 30 | 0 | 0 | 0.97561 | 0.02439 | 0 | 1 | 7 | 3 | 1 | 8 | 3 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Едет девушка в купе одна. Тут открывается
Дверь, входит грузин и начинает раздеваться.
Разделся.
Она ему:
- Ой, какая у вас грудь волосатая, у меня аж Мурашки по спине...
Грузин молча лег на полку и заснул.
Утром девушка ему говорит:
- А я думала, что вы приставать будете...
- Слющай, дарагая!
Пятнадцать раз ганарэя, адынадцать раз сиф..лис...
Мне толко еще мурашек на спине не хватало!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2301?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 69 | 0 | 1,726,568,700 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 66 | 0 | 1 | 0.989583 | 0.010417 | 0 | 1 | 15 | 8 | 1 | 16 | 5 | 19 | true |
122 | null | Девочка пришла из школы и показывает отцу дневник...
-Хорошо..!!-
Говорит отец.
- одни пятерки и четверки...
Так, а это чтоо такое..?
Замечание, папа. Учительница говорит, что я болтаю без умолку и обещает принять меры.
- Отец расписывается в дневнике и делает приписку:
"Если ваши меры помогут, непременно сообщите.
Я их испробую на своей жене".
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2302?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 79 | 0 | 1,726,585,800 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 55 | 0 | 1 | 0.987805 | 0.012195 | 0 | 1 | 12 | 3 | 0 | 19 | 2 | 19 | true |
122 | null | Умирает в больнице старый Абрамович. Вокруг собралась попрощаться семья.
— Мойша, — говорит Абрамович, — Тебе я завещаю мою улицу с жилым комплексом на западе города.
— Понял, папа, спасибо.
— А тебе, Изя, мой северный проспект, там где казино и театр.
— Благодарю тебя, отец мой.
— Рахель, а тебе мой южный бульвар, ну знаешь, где сувенирные магазины, художественная галерея, и синагога.
— Спасибо, папочка родной.
Присутствующий рядом обалдевший врач шепчет на ухо Мойше:
— Послушайте, а я и не знал, что ваш отец-таки такой богач!
— Боже мой, я вас умоляю, да какой богач? — Отвечает Мойша, — Он всю жизнь на велосипеде газеты развозил, нам сейчас свои маршруты оставляет!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6495?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 27 | 0 | 1,732,610,257 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Абрамович","lemma":"абрамович","label":"PER","start_pos":26,"end_pos":35},{"ner":"Мойша","lemma":"мойша","label":"PER","start_pos":75,"end_pos":80},{"ner":"Абрамович","lemma":"абрамович","label":"PER","start_pos":92,"end_pos":101},{"ner":"Изя","lemma":"изя","label":"PER","start_pos":201,"end_pos":204},{"ner":"Мойше","lemma":"мойше","label":"PER","start_pos":467,"end_pos":472},{"ner":"Мойша","lemma":"мойша","label":"PER","start_pos":587,"end_pos":592},{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":694,"end_pos":698}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 117 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 15 | 10 | 0 | 33 | 6 | 44 | true |
122 | null | Любопытный факт:
Уголовная статья "За попытку государственного переворота" есть, а за сам государственный переворот статьи нет...
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6496?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 28 | 0 | 1,732,613,858 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":147,"end_pos":151}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Бабушка читает Вовочке сказку "О рыбаке и рыбке". В тот момент, когда старик уже четвертый раз идет к рыбке, Вовочка говорит:
— Вот уж, он действительно — дурачина и простофиля! Лучше бы новую жену у рыбки попросил!
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6497?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 30 | 0 | 1,732,621,059 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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122 | null | В каждой женщине должна быть зaгадка, а также подсказка и отгадкa.... | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/552?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 31 | 0 | 1,720,959,938 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 2 | true |
122 | null | — Я хотела бы, купить у вас автомобиль.
— Модель?
— Нет, бухгалтер. Но за комплимент, спасибо. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/553?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 41 | 0 | 1,721,147,328 | 1,732,738,883 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 0 | 10 | true |
122 | null | В качестве эксперимента заселяют два острова: на одном оставляют 25 женщин и одного мужчину, а на другом — 25 мужиков и одну женщину.
Проходит некоторое время и приезжают в начале с проверкой на остров, где одна женщина. Смотрят, все убрано, везде чистенько, пальмочки подвязаны, дорожки песочком посыпаны. Сидит женщина на троне и кричит:
— Вова, я тебе каким сказала песочком дорожку посыпать?
— Красным... .
— А ты каким посыпал?
— Желтым...
— Ты каким был по счету? Пятым? Будешь двадцать пятым...
Приезжают на остров, где 25 женщин и один мужик. Смотрят, все грязно, пальмы местами повалены, вокруг полный хаос и сидит мужик на пальме, на самой верхушке, а женщины обступили ее и кричат:
— Вася, слазь, 5 минут уже прошло!!! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/554?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 41 | 0 | 1,721,240,472 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Вова","lemma":"вова","label":"PER","start_pos":342,"end_pos":346},{"ner":"Вася","lemma":"вася","label":"PER","start_pos":695,"end_pos":699},{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":65,"end_pos":67},{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":107,"end_pos":109},{"ner":"25","lemma":"25","label":"NUM","start_pos":527,"end_pos":529},{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":708,"end_pos":709}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 121 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 22 | 7 | 11 | 31 | 5 | 40 | true |
122 | null | Представляете?! Приходит депутат в Думу осенью, а ему говорят: с тебя бабло за ремонт, новые столы, стулья, микрофон и пульт для голосования.
Смешно, правда? А родителям, которые и в сад и в школу ведут деток не смешно. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/555?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 50 | 0 | 1,721,837,275 | 1,732,738,883 | 34 | 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| [{"ner":"Думу","lemma":"дума","label":"LOC","start_pos":35,"end_pos":39}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 37 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 0 | 13 | 0 | 12 | true |
122 | null | - у вас есть мыло в продаже?
- да, яичное
- жаль, я хотел помыться полностью | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/577?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 227 | 0 | 1,714,966,273 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 16 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Югославия. Темная ночь. Из леса выходят вооруженные до зубов сербские партизаны и идут
к деревне. Подходят к дому, стучат в окно. Открывает женщина.
Партизаны:
- Ёбана мать, ты?
- Да...
- Ну, крепись. Ёбана убили... | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/578?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 246 | 0 | 1,715,070,704 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"Югославия","lemma":"югославия","label":"LOC","start_pos":0,"end_pos":9}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 35 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 8 | 1 | 0 | 13 | 0 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Был один парень, которого заколдовала колдунья, и он мог говорить только одно слово в год. И когда этот парень влюбился, он не говорил 8 лет и сказал ей
-я могу говорить только одно слово в год
-почему? | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/579?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 242 | 0 | 1,715,074,591 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"8","lemma":"8","label":"NUM","start_pos":135,"end_pos":136}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 37 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 4 | 4 | 7 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | звонит как-то мужик в секс по телефону
- ало, это секс по телефону?
- нет, вы не туда попали
- хохохо я не туда попал | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/580?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 225 | 0 | 1,715,104,067 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 6 | 5 | 5 | true |
122 | null | - Ну, как дела на работе?
- И не спрашивай! Начальник хочет, чтобы мы работали за троих... Хорошо ещё, что нас пятеро.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6143?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 5 | 0 | 1,732,618,802 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 1 | 0.97561 | 0.02439 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 6 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | - Гогия, ты в каком банке деньги хранишь?
- В трехлитровом.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6144?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 5 | 0 | 1,732,622,402 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 18 | 0 | 1 | 0.961538 | 0.038462 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 7 | 0 | 4 | true |
122 | null | - Почему ты плачешь?
- Тараканы замучали, я купила прибор, который из дому выгоняет паразитов...
- И что?!
- Тараканам пофигу, а вот муж ушел...
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
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истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6145?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 5 | 0 | 1,732,626,007 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 32 | 0 | 1 | 0.978723 | 0.021277 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 4 | 0 | 12 | 2 | 10 | true |
122 | null | Два английских аристократа собрались поохотиться на кроликов.
- Сэр, вы боитесь кроликов?
- Нет, что вы!
- Тогда зачем вам ружье?
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
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истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6146?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 6 | 0 | 1,732,629,602 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 28 | 0 | 0 | 0.97561 | 0.02439 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 9 | 3 | 8 | true |
122 | null | В самолете в кабину пилота заходит человек и требует изменить курс под угрозой взрыва. Пилот соединяется с диспетчером:
— Борт 817, у нас нападение, требуют изменить курс.
Диспетчер:
— Сейчас проверим... Так, точно, на ваш самолет согласно таможенной декларации было пронесено 93 килограмма тротила. Мы еще тогда подумали, на фига им столько?
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/425?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 342 | 0 | 1,710,961,448 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"817","lemma":"817","label":"NUM","start_pos":127,"end_pos":130},{"ner":"93","lemma":"93","label":"NUM","start_pos":277,"end_pos":279}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 55 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 9 | 3 | 2 | 17 | 7 | 15 | true |
122 | null | Генерал, прибывший на празднование в военный гарнизон, спрашивает начальника Дома офицеров:
— Что у вас сегодня вечером? Взволнованный майор, заикаясь, докладывает:
— К—к—концерт, т—т—товарищ г—г—генерал!
— Какой концерт?
— Ху—ху—ху...
— Спасибо, все ясно, — сказал генерал и махнул рукой.
— Вы не поняли, — вступает в разговор мэр города.
— Майор хотел сказать — художественной самодеятельности.
😅
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/426?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 349 | 0 | 1,711,080,077 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Дома офицеров","lemma":"дом офицер","label":"ORG","start_pos":77,"end_pos":90},{"ner":"Ху","lemma":"ху","label":"PER","start_pos":224,"end_pos":226}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 60 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 10 | 4 | 0 | 23 | 2 | 35 | true |
122 | null | Охотник возвращается с охоты — с одной стороны гусь, с другой — ружье. А сам весь побитый, на лбу большая шишка. Сосед спрашивает:
— Ты откуда, Вася?
— С охоты.
— Гусь, что ли, дикий попался?
— Да нет, гусь не дикий, хозяин диковатый попался.
😅
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/427?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 324 | 0 | 1,711,090,930 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Вася","lemma":"вася","label":"PER","start_pos":144,"end_pos":148},{"ner":"Гусь","lemma":"гусь","label":"PER","start_pos":163,"end_pos":167}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 48 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 6 | 2 | 1 | 9 | 2 | 20 | true |
122 | null | - ИВАНОВ!
- Я
- КРУУГОМ!
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| null | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 8 | 0 | 4 | 0.923077 | 0.076923 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Папа с сыном смотрят фильм.
- папа, а эта тётя сейчас умрёт?
- ну, судя по размеру члена этого коня, да. | https://t.me/anegdotofff/981?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 278 | 0 | 1,704,913,222 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 21 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | ц: они идут! что мне делать?
ш: спрячься за мной.
щ | https://t.me/anegdotofff/982?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 288 | 0 | 1,704,942,008 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 11 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | Приемная комиссия в театральном институте. Абитуриентке говорят:
— Девушка, а изобразите-ка нам что-нибудь эротическое, но с обломом в конце.
Абитуриентка, не долго думая:
— А!.. Ааа!! Ааааа!!! Ааа-а-аа-пчхи!!!!!
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| [{"ner":"Ааа-а-аа-пчхи","lemma":"ааа-а-аа-пчхи","label":"LOC","start_pos":194,"end_pos":207}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 0 | 14 | 4 | 21 | true |
122 | null | — Вы видали, какая у Колывана квартира обшарпанная?
— Да как же обшарпанная? Очень чистенькая и вся в новой технике: телевизор Шарп, пылесос Шарп, холодильник Шарп, хлебопеч-микроволновка-чайник шарп, даже, сука, электрозубная щётка, и та Шарп.
— Ага, вот и я говорю — обШарпанная!
😝 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4444?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,453,499 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Колывана","lemma":"колывана","label":"PER","start_pos":21,"end_pos":29},{"ner":"Шарп","lemma":"шарп","label":"PER","start_pos":127,"end_pos":131},{"ner":"Шарп","lemma":"шарп","label":"PER","start_pos":141,"end_pos":145},{"ner":"Шарп","lemma":"шарп","label":"PER","start_pos":159,"end_pos":163},{"ner":"Шарп","lemma":"шарп","label":"PER","start_pos":239,"end_pos":243}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 44 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 12 | 2 | 18 | true |
122 | null | «Ты неправильно загружаешь посудомойку» — сказал я жене непосредственно перед тем, как это стало моей постоянной обязанностью.
☝️ | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4445?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,460,699 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 18 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Встречается однажды в битве молодой воин с воином-мудрецом. В поединке естественно выигрывает мудрец и оставляет молодого воина в живых.
Мудрец говорит: «Сделай секретное оружие - увеличивающийся хуй, чтобы неожиданно протыкать им противников насквозь и всегда одерживать победу»
Первый воин пришёл в себя, и сделал своё «супер оружие». Идёт время и он побеждает врагов протыканием одного за другим.
Прошло несколько лет и снова молодой воин встречает воина-мудреца.
Мудрец ему говорит: «Ну что, воин, готовь своё секретное оружие!»
После чего убирает волосы назад, встает на колени и добавляет — А сейчас я уничтожу тебя своей секретной техникой «Неистовый Голод» | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1233?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 923 | 0 | 1,711,696,838 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 97 | 1 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 11 | 20 | 8 | 2 | 30 | 9 | 22 | true |
122 | null | Приходит шушунчик в ресторан. Заказывает стакан сметаны.
Ставит перед собой, долго на него смотрит, полчаса смотрит, потом бабах его об стенку, расчитываетя, уходит.
Приходит на следующий день. Заказывает стакан сметаны, полчаса на него смотрит, бабах об стенку, расчитывается, уходит.
Приходит на третий день, заказывает стакан сметаны...
- Простите, а зачем вы это делаете?
- Вот такой я загадочный зверь | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1234?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 810 | 0 | 1,712,480,118 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 59 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 15 | 7 | 0 | 18 | 4 | 19 | true |
122 | null | Встретились три давние подруги. Сто лет не виделись.
- Ну как поживаешь? - спрашивает одна другую.
- Неплохо. У меня муж генерал.
- А сколько ему лет?
- 65.
- А как же интимная жизнь?
- У него есть адъютанты, молодые офицеры...
- А ты как поживаешь? - спрашивают другую.
- Отлично! У меня муж профессор.
- Сколько ему лет?
- 75.
- А как же интимная жизнь?
- Есть же аспиранты, младшие научные сотрудники. Так и живу.
- Ну а ты как? - спрашивают третью.
- А я тоже блядь, только не замужем. | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1235?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 976 | 0 | 1,712,483,670 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"65","lemma":"65","label":"NUM","start_pos":153,"end_pos":155},{"ner":"75","lemma":"75","label":"NUM","start_pos":325,"end_pos":327}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 94 | 1 | 8 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 8 | 11 | 8 | 9 | 17 | 12 | 34 | true |
122 | null | Чтобы скрыть своё пьянство, возвращаясь с рыбалки, пьяный муж купил огромного сома.
— Вот эта свиная туша его и выдала.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/338?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 341 | 0 | 1,711,359,168 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":132,"end_pos":140}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 0 | 6 | true |
122 | null | – Слушайте, доктор, у меня в последнее время появились мысли о суициде...
– Так, я понял, работаем по предоплате
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/339?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 388 | 0 | 1,711,382,053 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":125,"end_pos":133}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Сидят три бабки и хвастаются:
— У меня в огороде вот такие помидоры растут(и показывает размер в две ладошки).
Другая:
— А у меня вот такие огурцы растут (показывает по локоть).
А третья, глухая, спрашивает:
— А где он живет?
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/340?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 380 | 0 | 1,711,389,778 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Потапыча","lemma":"потапыча","label":"LOC","start_pos":238,"end_pos":246}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 44 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 8 | 3 | 2 | 8 | 1 | 15 | true |
122 | null | — Что делать если кошка начнет шипеть?
— Убавьте жар на плите. | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/44?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 27 | 0 | 1,690,809,583 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 12 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Сидят в психушке психи и рыбачат в унитазе. Подходит врач спрашивает:
— Клюет?
Все отвечают, что клюет. Только один говорит:
— Нет, не клюет.
Врач видит — пациент здоров, надо выписывать. Перед выпиской другие психи спрашивают:
— А почему ты сказал, что не клюет?
Тот отвечает:
— Что я, дурак, что ли, рыбные места выдавать! | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/45?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 33 | 0 | 1,690,809,720 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Клюет","lemma":"клюет","label":"LOC","start_pos":72,"end_pos":77}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 55 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 15 | 4 | 1 | 10 | 2 | 23 | true |
122 | null | 1920 год. Звонок "куда следует".
— Алло, мой сосед ест черную икру!
— А телефонный аппарат у вас откуда?
— Ну, ээ
— Спасибо, выезжаем | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/46?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 31 | 0 | 1,690,912,451 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Алло","lemma":"алло","label":"PER","start_pos":35,"end_pos":39},{"ner":"1920","lemma":"1920","label":"NUM","start_pos":0,"end_pos":4}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 25 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Мужик приходит к тату мастеру и говорит:
— А набей мне на всю спину танк
— Да не вопрос, ложись
проходит 15 минут, тату мастер говорит
— Ну все, готово
— А почему я встать не могу
— А что ты хотел, сорок шесть тонн! | https://t.me/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa/47?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_pro_shtirlitsa | 29 | 0 | 1,690,960,366 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"15","lemma":"15","label":"NUM","start_pos":105,"end_pos":107}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 45 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 5 | 3 | 10 | 1 | 11 | true |
122 | null | — Батюшка, сколько сможешь выпить?
— С закусью или без оной?
— С закусью.
— В помещении али на воздусях?
— На воздусях.
— За свой счёт, али за чужой?
— За чужой.
— С закусью, за чужой и на воздусях — конца не предвижу! | https://t.me/anekdronti/319?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 100 | 0 | 1,718,899,321 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 45 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 10 | 0 | 20 | true |
122 | null | Идет парад пофигистов - толпой идут, несут огромные плакаты с надписями "Нам пофиг на все!". Репортерша берет интервью у их главного:
- Скажите, а вам правда пофиг на деньги?
- Да, пофиг.
- Скажите, а вам правда пофиг на власть?
- Да, пофиг.
- Скажите, а на женщин вам тоже пофиг?
- Нет на женщин нам не пофиг.
- Но у вас же там написано...
- Да мне пофиг, что там написано! | https://t.me/anekdronti/320?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 102 | 0 | 1,718,910,100 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 72 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 17 | 3 | 25 | true |
122 | null | - Как же приятно, будучи взрослым, что либо расхерачить, а потом спокойно собрать осколки. И знать, что на тебя никто не наорёт из-за этой фигни...
- Ты не женат, что ли? | https://t.me/anekdronti/321?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdronti | 99 | 0 | 1,718,953,266 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 31 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Myж вoзвpaщaется paньше обычного домой. У жены - любовник. Она выбегает навстречу мужу с мусорным ведром:
- Дорогой, пока не разделся, вынеси, пожалуйста, мусор.
Пока муж выносит мусор, любовник взбегает по лестнице на верхний этaж, пoтoм блaгопoлучно уходит незамеченным. Идет и думает: Надо же, какая умница!
Приходит к себе домой. Жена встречает его с мусорным ведром.
- Дорогой, пока не разделся, вынеси, пожалуйста, мусор.
Выносит муж мусор и думает:
- Hy, что зa дуpa... цeлый дeнь дoма, а мусop вынести нe можeт!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1058?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 973 | 0 | 1,707,800,402 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"обычного домой","lemma":"обычного домой","label":"PER","start_pos":24,"end_pos":38},{"ner":"Пока","lemma":"Пока","label":"ORG","start_pos":162,"end_pos":166},{"ner":"любовник взбегает","lemma":"любовник взбегает","label":"PER","start_pos":186,"end_pos":203},{"ner":"по лестнице","lemma":"по лестнице","label":"PER","start_pos":204,"end_pos":215},{"ner":"на верхний этaж","lemma":"на верхний этaж","label":"PER","start_pos":216,"end_pos":231},{"ner":"пoтoм блaгопoлучно уходит","lemma":"пoтoм блaгопoлучно уходит","label":"ORG","start_pos":233,"end_pos":258},{"ner":"Приходит","lemma":"Приходит","label":"ORG","start_pos":311,"end_pos":319},{"ner":"дeнь дoма","lemma":"дeнь дoма","label":"PER","start_pos":483,"end_pos":492},{"ner":"а мусop вынести","lemma":"а мусop вынести","label":"ORG","start_pos":494,"end_pos":509}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 83 | 0 | 1 | 0.974138 | 0.025862 | 0 | 9 | 14 | 4 | 0 | 25 | 7 | 26 | true |
122 | null | 8 марта. Мать спрашивает сына 10-ти классника:
— Ну что, сынок, решили что девочкам на праздник дарить будете?
— Да конечно, решили
— Ну и как?
— Ну как обычно: водка, с#кс и оливье
— Сынок, да ты что говоришь, разве так можно??
— Да мать, я шучу, какой оливье, не новый год же!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1059?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 925 | 0 | 1,707,829,203 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"8","lemma":"8","label":"NUM","start_pos":0,"end_pos":1},{"ner":"10","lemma":"10","label":"NUM","start_pos":30,"end_pos":32}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 55 | 0 | 0 | 0.987342 | 0.012658 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 4 | 1 | 13 | 5 | 23 | true |
122 | null | Попaли к дикapям фpaнцуз, немец и русский. Вождь и говорит им:
— Для вас будет задание. Каждый выберет себе по женщине, с которой он будет заниматься любовью. Тот у кого баба вспотеет последней, проиграл и мы его съедим. А теперь выбирайте.
Француз выбрал себе бабу с большими грудями.
Немец выбрал ту, которая пожирнее.
А русский с перепугу напился.. А потом выбрал ту, которая скромно стояла в уголке.
Ну и началось состязание.
Баба француза вспотела через 5 минут. Баба немца — через 15.
Русский е#ет свою полчаса, час, два... а толку никакого..
Тyт фpанцyз с нeмцeм кричат:
— Эй, вождь, в чем дело? Пора русского есть.
Тут раздается голос русского:
— Наконец-то капли на ней появились!!!
Все племя радостно закричало.... И съели немца!!!
Русский:
— А почему немца? Ведь он раньше меня управился!!
Вождь:
— Да понимaeшь, когдa peзиновaя бaбa cтала плавиться — все племя о#уело!!!
@batin_mood | https://t.me/batin_mood/1060?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/batin_mood | 902 | 0 | 1,707,858,006 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"5","lemma":"5","label":"NUM","start_pos":459,"end_pos":460},{"ner":"15","lemma":"15","label":"NUM","start_pos":487,"end_pos":489}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 146 | 0 | 5 | 0.995215 | 0.004785 | 0 | 8 | 23 | 15 | 3 | 38 | 10 | 51 | true |
122 | null | Защита Реала съедена | https://t.me/dimonster69/206?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/dimonster69 | 13 | 0 | 1,715,954,730 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Реала","lemma":"реал","label":"PER","start_pos":7,"end_pos":12}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 3 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | true |
122 | null | К врачу приходит молодая женщина вся в синяках и подтеках.
Врач: — Господи, да где ж вас так угораздило??
— Понимаете, доктор, каждый раз, когда мой муж возвращается домой пьяный, он избивает меня до крови и руками, и ногами, пока я не упаду.
— Не волнуйтесь, у меня есть лекарство от этого. В следующий раз, когда Ваш муж придет домой пьяный, держите наготове отвар ромашки и как только он в квартиру войдёт, начинайте полоскать горло. Через пару недель женщина снова приходит к врачу цветущая и без единого синяка:
— Доктор, вы просто кудесник! Когда мой муж приходит пьяный домой, я набираю в рот раствор ромашки и полоскаю, и ничего не происходит он меня даже пальцем не трогает! Врач назидательно:
— Вот видите, как помогает иногда просто не п*здеть! | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/870?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 143 | 0 | 1,714,387,133 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"Господи","lemma":"господи","label":"PER","start_pos":67,"end_pos":74},{"ner":"Ваш","lemma":"ваш","label":"PER","start_pos":315,"end_pos":318}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 128 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 22 | 12 | 0 | 31 | 11 | 32 | true |
122 | null | У мужа появились сомнения в верности жены и он решил проверить ее отношения с соседом. Сказав что уходит, он залез под кровать. Приходит сосед, ложится с женой в постель, и она говорит:
— Вася, я хочу от тебя ребенка.
— Ты что, ты даже пеленать не умеешь! Жена не долго думая, запеленала Васю, и пошла на кухню за соской. В это время муж вылез из—под кровати и, склонившись над Васей, сказал: «Агу—агу!» Потом пошел на кухню и говорит жене:
— Маша, перепеленай Васю, он обкакался. | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/871?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 103 | 0 | 1,714,753,322 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"Вася","lemma":"вася","label":"PER","start_pos":188,"end_pos":192},{"ner":"Васю","lemma":"вася","label":"PER","start_pos":288,"end_pos":292},{"ner":"Васей","lemma":"васей","label":"PER","start_pos":378,"end_pos":383},{"ner":"Маша","lemma":"маша","label":"PER","start_pos":443,"end_pos":447},{"ner":"Васю","lemma":"васю","label":"PER","start_pos":461,"end_pos":465}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 85 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 21 | 10 | 0 | 22 | 2 | 28 | true |
122 | null | Почему жена у своей подружки может заночевать, а муж у своей — нет? | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/872?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 97 | 0 | 1,714,753,322 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 13 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 3 | true |
122 | null | Жена: — Дорогой, напомни мне пожалуйста завтра кровь натощак сдать!
Муж: — Значит, как «выпить натощак кровь» — так она не забывает! А, как сдать — так напомни ей! | https://t.me/fhjoiyfs/873?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/fhjoiyfs | 103 | 0 | 1,714,753,322 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 29 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 7 | 3 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 14 | true |
122 | null | Решила сегодня сделать себе на ужин греческий салат, но мне было настолько лень его резать, что я просто съела по очереди все ингредиенты. | https://t.me/likeandsmile/151?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 12 | 0 | 1,672,592,825 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 23 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 3 | true |
122 | null | - Софочка, шо за бумажку ты мине дала?
- Ша, Моня! Это расписание скандалов на следующую неделю! | https://t.me/likeandsmile/152?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/likeandsmile | 14 | 0 | 1,672,642,442 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Моня","lemma":"моня","label":"PER","start_pos":45,"end_pos":49}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 10 | 0 | 5 | true |
122 | null | дед нашел прокладки, спрашивает бабку:
это чё?
она ему: месячные
спустя время бабка нашла обосранные трусы, спрашивает:
это что такое?
он ей отвечает: годовые. | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/172?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 234 | 0 | 1,710,665,975 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 24 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 0 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Альпинисты — они как яйца.
Либо крутые, либо всмятку. | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/173?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 224 | 0 | 1,710,676,775 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 9 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 4 | true |
122 | null | Шерлок Холмс и Доктор Ватсон в темноте писают за углом...
— Холмс, а почему я мочусь достаточно громко, а у Вас практически не слышно?
— Это элементарно, Ватсон! Это потому мой друг, что Вы мочитесь мне на ботинки, а я в свою очередь вам в карман... | https://t.me/schrodingerandcat/174?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/schrodingerandcat | 220 | 0 | 1,710,687,575 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Доктор Ватсон","lemma":"доктор ватсон","label":"PER","start_pos":15,"end_pos":28},{"ner":"Холмс","lemma":"холмс","label":"PER","start_pos":60,"end_pos":65},{"ner":"Ватсон","lemma":"ватсон","label":"PER","start_pos":154,"end_pos":160}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 46 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 5 | 11 | true |
122 | null | 1-го сентября первоклассника собирают в школу.
Бабушка:
— Девочек не обижай, за косички не дергай!!
Дедушка:
— В обиду себя не давай!!
Мама:
— Яблоки положила в портфель в бумажный пакетик. Обязательно помой руки перед едой.
А ты, папа, почему молчишь?
Папа:
— Я ведь веду его в школу, поговорю по дороге с ним..
Идут с сыном в школу, навстречу блондинка, ноги от ушей — просто секс-бомба! Остановились, открыли рты, проводили взглядом.
Папа поворачивается к сыну:
— Видел?
Сын восхищенно:
— Видел!
Папа:
— Таак вооот..., запомни, сын - таких еб..т только отличники!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2297?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 39 | 0 | 1,726,482,300 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"Яблоки","lemma":"яблоки","label":"PER","start_pos":143,"end_pos":149},{"ner":"Таак","lemma":"таак","label":"PER","start_pos":507,"end_pos":511},{"ner":"1","lemma":"1","label":"NUM","start_pos":0,"end_pos":1}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 94 | 0 | 3 | 0.993197 | 0.006803 | 0 | 4 | 16 | 6 | 0 | 34 | 3 | 41 | true |
122 | null | Приходит сын из школы домой и говорит отцу :
— Папа, тебя учительница математики вызывает.
— А что случилось?
— Она мне говорит:
«Сколько будет 7х9?», я ей говорю: «63», она спрашивает: «А 9х7?», я ей отвечаю: «Какая, на х..й, разница?»…
— Действительно, какая разница? удивляется отец, — ладно зайду.
На следующий день приходит сын из школы , подходит к отцу:
— Пап, а ты в школу ходил?
— Нет еще.
— Пойдешь, зайди еще к учителю физкультуры.
— Зачем?
— Мы занимались физкультурой, он попросил меня поднять правую руку, я поднял. Потом левую, я поднял; потом попросил поднять правую ногу, я поднял. А теперь, говорит, подними левую ногу.
Я ему и отвечаю:
«Я что, на x..ю стоять должен?»
— Да действительно, — говорит отец, — ладно, зайду.
Приходит сын из школы на следующий день:
— Пап, ты в школу ходил?
— Нет еще.
— Не ходи, меня исключили.
— Почему?
— Меня вызвали к директору, захожу к нему в кабинет, там сидит учительница математики, учитель физкультуры и учитель рисования.
— А учитель рисования наx..й пришел?
— Я так и спросил…
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2298?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 47 | 0 | 1,726,482,300 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":144,"end_pos":145},{"ner":"9","lemma":"9","label":"NUM","start_pos":146,"end_pos":147},{"ner":"63","lemma":"63","label":"NUM","start_pos":165,"end_pos":167},{"ner":"9","lemma":"9","label":"NUM","start_pos":189,"end_pos":190},{"ner":"7","lemma":"7","label":"NUM","start_pos":191,"end_pos":192}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 182 | 0 | 7 | 0.992857 | 0.007143 | 0 | 7 | 41 | 25 | 4 | 34 | 13 | 92 | true |
122 | null | -И кто мы с тобой теперь, спросила она, склонив голову и обхватив руками свои колени:
- Друзья или любовники?..
-Он стоял у окна и молчал...
- Кем бы ты хотел быть?
- спросила она снова.
Он посмотрел в окно, на звёздное небо, и мечтательно ответил:
-Космонавтом!
@shutkaru | https://t.me/shutkaru/2299?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/shutkaru | 51 | 0 | 1,726,495,800 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 47 | 0 | 1 | 0.984849 | 0.015152 | 0 | 1 | 10 | 7 | 0 | 12 | 3 | 15 | true |
122 | null | На форуме:
— Вопрос к людям, которым по работе приходится посещать чьи-то квартиры (например, сантехники, электрики) — что самое неожиданное бросилось вам в глаза в доме у клиента?
Лучший коммент:
— Моя жена.
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":226,"end_pos":230}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 38 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 14 | 1 | 12 | true |
122 | null | — Эту таблетку принимать сразу же после еды, а эту прямо перед сном.
— Стало быть, одновременно?
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6493?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 29 | 0 | 1,732,563,456 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":114,"end_pos":118}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 22 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 3 | 6 | true |
122 | null | И повёл он её на рисовое поле, затем на ячменное, потом на ржаное... Да-а-а, не так она представляла приглашение пройтись по злачным местам...
Анекдоты от дяди Миши
😂 | https://t.me/smeh_76/6494?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smeh_76 | 28 | 0 | 1,732,603,057 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Миши","lemma":"миша","label":"PER","start_pos":160,"end_pos":164}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 28 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 6 | 4 | 6 | true |
122 | null | Муж:
- Ну, не знаю, давай подарим твоей маме столько денег, сколько ей исполняется лет.
Жена:
- Ого! Что, прям 50 тысяч подарим?
Муж:
- А что, ей прям 50 тысяч исполняется?! | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/549?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 34 | 0 | 1,719,904,381 | 1,732,738,884 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"твоей маме","lemma":"твой мама","label":"PER","start_pos":34,"end_pos":44},{"ner":"50","lemma":"50","label":"NUM","start_pos":111,"end_pos":113},{"ner":"50","lemma":"50","label":"NUM","start_pos":151,"end_pos":153}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 32 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 4 | 3 | 9 | 1 | 16 | true |
122 | null | Идут по улице две девушки. Одна другой говорит:
— Ой, а я с парнем вчера познакомилась, такой милый, такой умный.
— Кем работает?
— Да его вчера уволили, он пророком работал на стройке.
— Ты хотела сказать — прорабом?
— Нет, пророком! Он сказал, что фундамент развалится, тот и развалился. | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/550?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 30 | 0 | 1,720,091,103 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| [{"ner":"Кем","lemma":"кто","label":"PER","start_pos":116,"end_pos":119}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 50 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 11 | 6 | 2 | 8 | 2 | 21 | true |
122 | null | Маленький мальчик играл с мячом на улице. Он пнул его слишком сильно и мячик, пробив окно в доме, упал на пол. Женщина выглянула в окно с мячиком и так ругала мальчика, что тот убежал, но ему хотелось вернуть свой мячик обратно.
Через несколько минут он постучал в дверь дома, где жила женщина и сказал ей:
- Мой папа собирается прийти и починить ваши окна.
Через несколько минут пришел мужчина с инструментами в руках, женщина пропустила его и отдала мальчику мячик. Когда мужчина закончил с окнами, он сказал:
- Это будет стоить вам ровно десять долларов.
- Но разве вы не отец того мальчика? " — спросила женщина, удивившись.
- Нет", он тоже был удивлен.
- А разве вы не его мать? | https://t.me/smehaha_tg/551?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/smehaha_tg | 38 | 0 | 1,720,545,223 | 1,732,738,884 | 40 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 121 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 23 | 13 | 3 | 33 | 7 | 26 | true |
122 | null | У нас +2 подписчика | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/574?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 251 | 0 | 1,714,936,118 | 1,732,738,885 | 63 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | true |
122 | null | У армянского радио спрашивают:
-Может ли мужчина родить?
Армянское радио отвечает:
-Пока нет, но опыты широко ведутся по всей Армении. | https://t.me/SMESHINKAR/576?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/SMESHINKAR | 220 | 0 | 1,714,936,375 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| [{"ner":"Армянское радио","lemma":"армянский радио","label":"ORG","start_pos":57,"end_pos":72},{"ner":"Армении","lemma":"армения","label":"LOC","start_pos":126,"end_pos":133}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 7 | true |
122 | null | - За что вас судили?
- Представьте, однажды выяснилось, что государство выпускает
точно такие же банкноты, как и я.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6140?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 6 | 0 | 1,732,608,003 | 1,732,738,885 | 63 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 26 | 0 | 0 | 0.972973 | 0.027027 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 7 | true |
122 | null | - Пап, ну пойдем в цирк?
- Некогда, сынок, некогда.
- А ребята говорят, там голая тетя на тигре скачет.
- Скачет? Ишь ты! Ладно, пойдем, давно я тигра не видел.
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6141?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 5 | 0 | 1,732,611,607 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 38 | 0 | 1 | 0.982456 | 0.017544 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 15 | 5 | 13 | true |
122 | null | - Дайте мне, пожалуйста, батончик "Докторской" колбаски.
- Вам какой? Выбирайте!
- Так они все одинаковые.
- Ну, не скажите! Вот этот, например, грузчик в лужу уронил...
Анекдоты и Шутки StandUp
чат
•
истории | https://t.me/Stories100500/6142?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Stories100500 | 5 | 0 | 1,732,615,203 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 34 | 0 | 0 | 0.981482 | 0.018519 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 8 | 3 | 17 | true |
122 | null | Два ковбоя сидят в салуне.
— Видишь вон того у стойки?
— Да там много народа у стойки.
— Ну вон тот, в джинсах.
— Да они все в джинсах.
— Ну вон тот, в сомбреро.
— Они все в сомбреро.
Ковбой выхватывает наган — пух! пух! — всех убил, остался один.
— Видишь его? Его я убью завтра!
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/421?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 271 | 0 | 1,710,918,212 | 1,732,738,885 | 63 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 62 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 1 | 15 | 6 | 25 | true |
122 | null | Вернулся еврей с рыбалки и говорит жене:
— Ну и скупые же люди пошли! Мы с ребятами договорились:
— Кто первый рыбу поймает, тот ставит магарыч, а кто второй — закуску, и что же ты думаешь? Смотрю, у Сереги поплавок на дно пошел, а он сидит, как будто не видит. У Петьки тоже потянуло, аж удилище согнулось. А он — ни гугу! Вот скупердяи!
— А у тебя клевало? — поинтересовалась жена.
— Дураков нет. Я вообще без наживки закинул.
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/422?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 305 | 0 | 1,710,928,994 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| [{"ner":"Сереги","lemma":"серёга","label":"PER","start_pos":200,"end_pos":206},{"ner":"Петьки","lemma":"петька","label":"PER","start_pos":264,"end_pos":270},{"ner":"Дураков","lemma":"дураков","label":"PER","start_pos":386,"end_pos":393}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 83 | 0 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 19 | 9 | 0 | 15 | 4 | 27 | true |
122 | null | Мойша вернулся с работы раньше времени, заходит в квартиру и вдруг слышит из спальни голоса своего шефа и своей Сарочки. Он сразу так тихо—тихо пошёл к двери:
— Hи фига себе, ещё спросит, что я делаю дома в рабочее время!
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/423?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 295 | 0 | 1,710,939,736 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| [{"ner":"Мойша","lemma":"мойша","label":"PER","start_pos":0,"end_pos":5},{"ner":"Сарочки","lemma":"сарочки","label":"PER","start_pos":112,"end_pos":119}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 43 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 3 | 0 | 11 | 7 | 9 | true |
122 | null | Поздно вечером жена настойчиво отправляет мужа в магазин за продуктами:
— Колбасы нет, яйцо только одно осталось.
Ему абсолютно лень куда—то идти:
— Вместо колбасы бутерброды можно и с сыром поесть, он еще не кончился.
А яйца — у меня еще два есть.
— И что? Их можно съесть?
— Съесть — нет, но полизать можно.
— Вот и полижешь их завтра себе на завтрак!
🤣
Анекдоты тут | https://t.me/Tyt_Anekdot/424?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/Tyt_Anekdot | 335 | 0 | 1,710,950,647 | 1,732,738,885 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 68 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 11 | 7 | 2 | 13 | 11 | 21 | true |
122 | null | Педофилы как часы - дальше 12 не идут | https://t.me/anegdotofff/976?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 215 | 0 | 1,704,877,261 | 1,732,738,885 | 63 | 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| [{"ner":"12","lemma":"12","label":"NUM","start_pos":27,"end_pos":29}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 8 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 0 | true |
122 | null | — Вчера с родителями своей девушки познакомился!
— Ну, и как?
— Приняли, как родного сына. Батя даже выебал | https://t.me/anegdotofff/977?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 218 | 0 | 1,704,884,420 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| [{"ner":"Батя","lemma":"батя","label":"PER","start_pos":91,"end_pos":95}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 19 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Грузия.
Отец спрашивает сына:
–Слущай, Гоги, а гдэ пистолет Кольт, который я тебе падарил?
–А я его обменял на часы Ролекс. Глянь какой красывый!
–Ай красывый! А вот подойдёт к тибе бандит в темном переулке и скажет: "Я твой папа ебаль, твой мама ебаль и всю семью твою ебаль", а ты щто ему атветишь: "Полщестого", да? | https://t.me/anegdotofff/978?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 242 | 0 | 1,704,891,708 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| [{"ner":"Грузия","lemma":"грузия","label":"LOC","start_pos":0,"end_pos":6},{"ner":"Гоги","lemma":"гога","label":"PER","start_pos":39,"end_pos":43},{"ner":"Ролекс","lemma":"ролекс","label":"PER","start_pos":116,"end_pos":122},{"ner":"ебаль","lemma":"ебаль","label":"PER","start_pos":230,"end_pos":235}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 56 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 13 | 0 | 22 | true |
122 | null | Обед в еврейской семье. Мама дала кусок торта.
— Мама, а я хочу два!
— Моня, таки возьми нож, разрежь кусок на два и не еби мне мозги! | https://t.me/anegdotofff/979?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anegdotofff | 300 | 0 | 1,704,898,828 | 1,732,738,885 | 52 | 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| [{"ner":"Моня","lemma":"моня","label":"PER","start_pos":71,"end_pos":75}] | NEGATIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 28 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 2 | 9 | 0 | 9 | true |
122 | null | — У тебя лебединая шея …
— Ой, так мило!
— У тебя осиная талия, а глаза словно у лани…
— Ну прекрати!
— Ты вообще как Франкенштейн - собрана из разных животных.
😄 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4440?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,429,875 | 1,732,738,885 | 63 | 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| [{"ner":"Франкенштейн - собрана","lemma":"франкенштейн - собрать","label":"PER","start_pos":118,"end_pos":140}] | POSITIVE | rus | NOT SPAM | 34 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 13 | true |
122 | null | – Доктор, нет ли у вас средства, чтобы грудь, так не болталась, а держалась бы к туловищу перпендикулярно?
Хотелось бы, конечно, чтобы это было надежно, и недорого…
–Конечно. Ходите на четвереньках.
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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 32 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 5 | 13 | true |
122 | null | - Подсудимый, клянетесь ли вы говорить правду, только правду и ничего, кроме правды?
- Клянусь, толстая женщина с усиками.
🤣 | https://t.me/anekdot_m_zh/4442?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdot_m_zh | 1 | 0 | 1,732,439,099 | 1,732,738,885 | 52 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 20 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 7 | true |
122 | null | Зона. Хата. Сидят зеки. Охрана заводит дедушку, он здоровается, представляется, потом останавливается.
Это был механический заводной дедушка. | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1230?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 963 | 0 | 1,709,719,510 | 1,732,738,885 | 63 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 17 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 2 | 0 | 6 | 1 | 8 | true |
122 | null | Партия женщин поступила к святому апостолу Петру на распределение - кого в рай, кого в ад...
Петр их построил и скомандовал: "Кто изменял мужу - три шага вперед!"
Все шагнули, кроме одной. Петр распорядился: "Всех - в ад! И эту глухую - тоже!" | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1231?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 978 | 0 | 1,709,719,693 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| [{"ner":"Петру","lemma":"пётр","label":"PER","start_pos":43,"end_pos":48},{"ner":"Петр","lemma":"пётр","label":"PER","start_pos":93,"end_pos":97}] | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 43 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 7 | 2 | 11 | 2 | 13 | true |
122 | null | Идет старый вампир по лесу.
Смотрит - молодой вампир поймал женщину, привязал ее к дереву и кровь ее
сосет. Увидел старого вампира, говорит:
- Здорово, друг! Присоединяйся, тут на двоих хватит кровушки!
Старый понурился:
- Да не могу я, - говорит, - клыки мои давно вывалились, нечем кусать.
- Дык ты шею когтем расковыряй и вперед!
- Да и так не могу. Сточились давно мои когти и обломались...
- Как же ты живешь? - удивился молодой вампир.
- Да вот так и живу - от месяца к месяцу... | https://t.me/anekdotyUrovenB/1232?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdotyUrovenB | 994 | 0 | 1,710,059,871 | 1,732,738,885 | 54 | 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| null | NEUTRAL | rus | NOT SPAM | 88 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 20 | 5 | 1 | 19 | 9 | 26 | true |
122 | null | — Пpивeт, Oлeг!
— Дeвушкa, я нe...
— Дaвнo нe видeлиcь. Bcё тaк жe xopoш в пocтeли?
— Hу, Oлeг тaк Oлeг.
Анекдоты от Потапыча. Подписаться | https://t.me/anekdoty_potapych/335?embed=1&mode=tme | https://t.me/ | https://t.me/s/anekdoty_potapych | 395 | 0 | 1,711,177,322 | 1,732,738,885 | 63 | 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