Prarabdha/Rick_and_Morty_Transcript · Datasets at Hugging Face

Unnamed: 0 int64 0 9.62k	episode no. int64 1 51	speaker stringclasses 976 values	dialouge stringlengths 1 1.81k
800	3	Alejandro	Hey Rick.
801	3	Annie	Natalie Jacobs and Chris Desiter from Microscopic Marketing, Zach from Organ Concepts and Jamie from New Media.
802	3	Rick	Hey everybody.
803	3	All	Hey, hi Rick, how's it goin'. etc.
804	3	Annie	So. Pirates of the Pancreas.
805	3	Rick	Yeah, talk to me.
806	3	Alejandro	Hey Rick, it's Alejandro speaking. Um, so we asked ourselves internally, we asked ourselves over here, “Okay, what does a pancreas do?” Rick begins to look agitated. And the answer was, does it make pirates? No. It makes insulin, you know? So we're starting with a new—
807	3	Ethan	So those guys are inside me, huh? Like, building a park?
808	3	Rick	Those guys are inside you building a piece of shit, Ethan! They're inside you building a monument to compromise! Fuck. Fuck those people. Fuck this whole thing, Ethan.
809	3	Ethan	... Cool. And who pays me?
810	4	Rick:	T-t-t-this is just sloppy craftsmanship.
811	4	Morty	Hey, Rick. Boy, sure is really especially beautiful out there today, huh?
812	4	Rick:	Oh, yes, Morty. It's almost
813	4	Morty:	Yeah, you know? There's something about the air. And just the way the sunshine is.
814	4	Rick:	Oh, sure, buddy. Yeah. Sure. B-brilliant. Very convincing.
815	4	Morty:	Wh… convincing?
816	4	Rick:	Oh! Responsive, too! In real time! I love it!
817	4	Morty:	Uhhokay.
818	4	Beth	robotic I’m going to work. Morty, good morning. Dad, good morning. I am going to work. Goodbye. (Beth drives away.)
819	4	Morty:	What's with Mom?
820	4	Rick:	Oh, what's with Mom? So, you're saying that she's acting weird? How soph—burp—isticated. Careful, guys. You're gonna burn out the CPU with this one.
821	4	Morty:	Okay, you know what, Rick? You're acting weird, too.
822	4	Rick:	Whatever, quote-unquote “Morty.”
823	4	Morty:	Alright, well I'll see you after school. (Walks into the side of the garage.) Ow! Oof! Ugh! Damn it! I'm all right. I'm okay.
824	4	Mr. Goldenfold	Alright, who can tell me what 5 x 9 is? (Students whisper.) Morty?
825	4	Morty:	Uh, me?
826	4	Mr. Goldenfold:	What is 5 x 9?
827	4	Morty:	Um, you know, it's, uh, at least 40.
828	4	Mr. Goldenfold:	Morty, that's exactly correct! 5 x 9
829	4	Jessica	Whoo! Way to go, Morty!
830	4	Mr. Goldenfold:	Everybody, this is the best student. I want you to be the teacher today. sits down at a desk Teach us, Morty!
831	4	Rick:	spying from outside Interesting…
832	4	Morty:	W-w-w-what do you want me to teach you?
833	4	Student:	Ooh, ooh! How do you make
834	4	Mr. Goldenfold:	Oh, that's a good question.
835	4	Morty:	Concentrated huh?
836	4	Mr. Goldenfold:	Concentrated dark matter. The fuel for accelerated space travel. Now, do you know how to make it?
837	4	Morty:	Uhhh…
838	4	Jessica:	Come on, Morty. Isn't your grandpa, like, a scientist?
839	4	Morty:	Oh, yeah, but, you know, he told me that I shouldn't go around spouting off about, you know, his science and stuff.
840	4	Jessica:	I bet you've seen him make concentrated dark matter a lot. You know, if you tell us, I’ll be your girlfriend.
841	4	Morty:	Uh, y-you will?
842	4	Mr. Goldenfold:	Seems like a rare opportunity, Morty.
843	4	Rick:	kicks open the door Morty, u-uh, come on. There's a family emergency.
844	4	Mr. Goldenfold:	Stop right there! If he leaves, I'm giving him an F!
845	4	Rick:	He doesn't care.
846	4	Morty:	Aw, man! (Rick drags him to the locker room.) Rick, I have to go back! I think I was about to get married! falls down Ugh!
847	4	Rick:	Take a shower with me, Morty.
848	4	Morty:	What?!
849	4	Rick:	Listen to me, Morty. Get your clothes off and get in the shower right now. strips Y-y-y-you got to trust me, Morty.
850	4	Morty:	Ugh! I'm gonna get an F in class, Rick. strips
851	4	Rick:	Morty, that's not class. T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher. This isn't your school. This entire world is not the world. We're inside a huge simulation chamber on an alien spaceship.
852	4	Morty:	Wait a minute. W-what are you talking about?
853	4	Rick:	It’s all fake burps Morty, all of it. Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of… crazy, fake nonsense, Morty. I couldn't say so until we got in the shower. They won't monitor us in here.
854	4	Morty:	Monitor us?! looks around and tries to cover himself W-who?!
855	4	Rick:
856	4	Morty:	Aw, come on, Rick. If everyone’s just gonna be insane today, at least let me be insane with Jessica.
857	4	Rick:	I can’t let you do that, Morty.
858	4	Morty:	Give it to me!
859	4	Rick:	No! You give it to me!
860	4	Morty:	G-g-give it!
861	4	Rick:	Morty, come on! Morty!
862	4	Morty:	No, Rick!
863	4	Zigerion 1:	Oh, god, sir! They're still naked! Ugh.
864	4	Prince Nebulon	Well, check every five quintons and tell me when they're not!
865	4	Zigerion 1:	I think we should make Kevin look, sir.
866	4	Kevin	What?! No! W-w-why would you even say that?
867	4	Stu	Uh, sir, we have a situation over here.
868	4	Prince Nebulon:	If there's a wiener on that monitor, I swear to god, Stu.
869	4	Stu:	Something is drawing a lot of processing power. Oh, wait. No wonder. (
870	4	Jerry:	Okay, Jerry, big pitch meeting. Make-or-break time. trims nostril hairs while driving You can do this.
871	4	Prince Nebulon:	How did this happen?! Where's the Abductions Department?
872	4	Zigerion 2:	Hey, man, Abductions just follows the acquisition order.
873	4	Zigerion 3:	Don't put this on Acquisitions! We only acquire humans that haven't been simulated!
874	4	Kevin:	Well, Simulations doesn't simulate anybody that's been abducted, so—
875	4	Prince Nebulon:	Oh, I see! Oh, oh! It was no one's fault. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Well, then, problem solved. Oh, wait no. shouts There's still another human in here! Who is he?
876	4	Stu:	Rick's son-in-law, Jerry Smith. So far, he hasn't noticed he's in a simulation.
877	4	Prince Nebulon:	sighs Well, cap his sector at 5% processing, keep his settings on auto, and we'll deal with him later. Rick Sanchez is the target.
878	4	Jerry:	inhales deeply Gotta relax. It's just a pitch. Gotta relax.
879	4	Radio:	This is earth radio. And now, here's…human music.
880	4	Jerry:	Hmm. Human music. I like it. rocks head side to side in rhythm with the music
881	4	Morty:	Rick!
882	4	Rick:	Uhp, uhp, uhp! Morty, keep your hands off your ding-dong! It's the only way we can speak freely. Look around you, Morty. Do you really think this world is real? You'd have to be an idiot not to notice all the sloppy details. Look, that guy's putting a bun between two hot dogs.
883	4	Morty:	I don't know, Rick. I mean, I’ve seen people do that before.
884	4	Rick:	Well, look at that old lady. She's, she's walking a cat on a leash.
885	4	Morty:	Uh, Mrs. Spencer does that all the time, Rick.
886	4	Rick:	Look, I-I-I don't wanna hear about Mrs. Spencer, Morty! She's an idiot! Alright, alright, there. W-what about that, Morty?
887	4	Morty:	Okay, okay, you got me on that one.
888	4	Rick:	Oh, really, Morty? Are you sure you haven't seen that somewhere in real life before?
889	4	Morty:	No, no. I haven't seen that. I mean, why would a Poptart wanna live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, that would be, like, the scariest place for them to live. You know what I mean?
890	4	Rick:	You're missing the point, Morty. Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house? No.
891	4	Morty:	So, why are they doing this? W-what do they want?
892	4	Rick:	Well, that would be obvious to you, Morty, if you'd been paying attention.
893	4	Paramedic:	We got the president of the United States in here! We need 10cc of concentrated dark matter, stat, or he'll die!
894	4	Morty:	Concentrated dark matter! They were asking about that in class.
895	4	Rick:	Yeah, it's a special fuel I invented to travel through space faster than anybody else. These Zigerions are always trying to scam me out of my secrets, but they made a big mistake this time, Morty. They dragged you into this. Now they're gonna pay!
896	4	Morty:	Wait, wha, w-w-what are we gonna do?
897	4	Rick:	We'll scam the scammers, Morty. And we're gonna take them for everything they've got.
898	4	Jerry:	National Apple Farmers of America…
899	4	Jerry:	Welcome to our ad agency. I'm Jerry Smith. (Audience stares blankly.) Alright. I'll just get to the pitch. Um, simple question, gentlemen, hoarsely what are apples? clears throat Excuse me. drinks some water Ahh. coughs, clears throat What are apples? pulls poster board to the front of the room Apples are food. And when do we need food? When we're hungry. (Audience stares blankly.) With that, I give you your new slogan! (Flips paper to reveal sign saying “Hungry for Apples?” Audience continues staring.) Well, say something! Do you like it?

800

3

Alejandro

Hey Rick.

801

3

Annie

Natalie Jacobs and Chris Desiter from Microscopic Marketing, Zach from Organ Concepts and Jamie from New Media.

802

3

Rick

Hey everybody.

803

3

All

Hey, hi Rick, how's it goin'. etc.

804

3

Annie

So. Pirates of the Pancreas.

805

3

Rick

Yeah, talk to me.

806

3

Alejandro

Hey Rick, it's Alejandro speaking. Um, so we asked ourselves internally, we asked ourselves over here, “Okay, what does a pancreas do?” Rick begins to look agitated. And the answer was, does it make pirates? No. It makes insulin, you know? So we're starting with a new—

807

3

Ethan

So those guys are inside me, huh? Like, building a park?

808

3

Rick

Those guys are inside you building a piece of shit, Ethan! They're inside you building a monument to compromise! Fuck. Fuck those people. Fuck this whole thing, Ethan.

809

3

Ethan

... Cool. And who pays me?

810

4

Rick:

T-t-t-this is just sloppy craftsmanship.

811

4

Morty

Hey, Rick. Boy, sure is really especially beautiful out there today, huh?

812

4

Rick:

Oh, yes, Morty. It's almost

813

4

Morty:

Yeah, you know? There's something about the air. And just the way the sunshine is.

814

4

Rick:

Oh, sure, buddy. Yeah. Sure. B-brilliant. Very convincing.

815

4

Morty:

Wh… convincing?

816

4

Rick:

Oh! Responsive, too! In real time! I love it!

817

4

Morty:

Uhhokay.

818

4

Beth

*robotic* I’m going to work. Morty, good morning. Dad, good morning. I am going to work. Goodbye. (Beth drives away.)

819

4

Morty:

What's with Mom?

820

4

Rick:

Oh, what's with Mom? So, you're saying that she's acting weird? How soph—*burp*—isticated. Careful, guys. You're gonna burn out the CPU with this one.

821

4

Morty:

Okay, you know what, Rick? You're acting weird, too.

822

4

Rick:

Whatever, quote-unquote “Morty.”

823

4

Morty:

Alright, well I'll see you after school. (Walks into the side of the garage.) Ow! Oof! Ugh! Damn it! I'm all right. I'm okay.

824

4

Mr. Goldenfold

Alright, who can tell me what 5 x 9 is? (Students whisper.) Morty?

825

4

Morty:

Uh, me?

826

4

Mr. Goldenfold:

What is 5 x 9?

827

4

Morty:

Um, you know, it's, uh, at least 40.

828

4

Mr. Goldenfold:

Morty, that's exactly correct! 5 x 9

829

4

Jessica

Whoo! Way to go, Morty!

830

4

Mr. Goldenfold:

Everybody, this is the best student. I want you to be the teacher today. *sits down at a desk* Teach us, Morty!

831

4

Rick:

*spying from outside* Interesting…

832

4

Morty:

W-w-w-what do you want me to teach you?

833

4

Student:

Ooh, ooh! How do you make

834

4

Mr. Goldenfold:

Oh, that's a good question.

835

4

Morty:

Concentrated huh?

836

4

Mr. Goldenfold:

Concentrated dark matter. The fuel for accelerated space travel. Now, do you know how to make it?

837

4

Morty:

Uhhh…

838

4

Jessica:

Come on, Morty. Isn't your grandpa, like, a scientist?

839

4

Morty:

Oh, yeah, but, you know, he told me that I shouldn't go around spouting off about, you know, his science and stuff.

840

4

Jessica:

I bet you've seen him make concentrated dark matter a lot. You know, if you tell us, I’ll be your girlfriend.

841

4

Morty:

Uh, y-you will?

842

4

Mr. Goldenfold:

Seems like a rare opportunity, Morty.

843

4

Rick:

*kicks open the door* Morty, u-uh, come on. There's a family emergency.

844

4

Mr. Goldenfold:

Stop right there! If he leaves, I'm giving him an F!

845

4

Rick:

He doesn't care.

846

4

Morty:

Aw, man! (Rick drags him to the locker room.) Rick, I have to go back! I think I was about to get married! *falls down* Ugh!

847

4

Rick:

Take a shower with me, Morty.

848

4

Morty:

What?!

849

4

Rick:

Listen to me, Morty. Get your clothes off and get in the shower right now. *strips* Y-y-y-you got to trust me, Morty.

850

4

Morty:

Ugh! I'm gonna get an F in class, Rick. *strips*

851

4

Rick:

Morty, that's not class. T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher. This isn't your school. This entire world is not the world. We're inside a huge simulation chamber on an alien spaceship.

852

4

Morty:

Wait a minute. W-what are you talking about?

853

4

Rick:

It’s all fake *burps* Morty, all of it. Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of… crazy, fake nonsense, Morty. I couldn't say so until we got in the shower. They won't monitor us in here.

854

4

Morty:

Monitor us?! *looks around and tries to cover himself* W-who?!

855

4

Rick:

856

4

Morty:

Aw, come on, Rick. If everyone’s just gonna be insane today, at least let me be insane with Jessica.

857

4

Rick:

I can’t let you do that, Morty.

858

4

Morty:

Give it to me!

859

4

Rick:

No! You give it to me!

860

4

Morty:

G-g-give it!

861

4

Rick:

Morty, come on! Morty!

862

4

Morty:

No, Rick!

863

4

Zigerion 1:

Oh, god, sir! They're still naked! Ugh.

864

4

Prince Nebulon

Well, check every five quintons and tell me when they're not!

865

4

Zigerion 1:

I think we should make Kevin look, sir.

866

4

Kevin

What?! No! W-w-why would you even say that?

867

4

Stu

Uh, sir, we have a situation over here.

868

4

Prince Nebulon:

If there's a wiener on that monitor, I swear to god, Stu.

869

4

Stu:

Something is drawing a lot of processing power. Oh, wait. No wonder. (

870

4

Jerry:

Okay, Jerry, big pitch meeting. Make-or-break time. *trims nostril hairs while driving* You can do this.

871

4

Prince Nebulon:

How did this happen?! Where's the Abductions Department?

872

4

Zigerion 2:

Hey, man, Abductions just follows the acquisition order.

873

4

Zigerion 3:

Don't put this on Acquisitions! We only acquire humans that haven't been simulated!

874

4

Kevin:

Well, Simulations doesn't simulate anybody that's been abducted, so—

875

4

Prince Nebulon:

Oh, I see! Oh, oh! It was no one's fault. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Well, then, problem solved. Oh, wait no. *shouts* There's still another human in here! Who is he?

876

4

Stu:

Rick's son-in-law, Jerry Smith. So far, he hasn't noticed he's in a simulation.

877

4

Prince Nebulon:

*sighs* Well, cap his sector at 5% processing, keep his settings on auto, and we'll deal with him later. Rick Sanchez is the target.

878

4

Jerry:

*inhales deeply* Gotta relax. It's just a pitch. Gotta relax.

879

4

Radio:

This is earth radio. And now, here's…human music.

880

4

Jerry:

Hmm. Human music. I like it. *rocks head side to side in rhythm with the music*

881

4

Morty:

Rick!

882

4

Rick:

Uhp, uhp, uhp! Morty, keep your hands off your ding-dong! It's the only way we can speak freely. Look around you, Morty. Do you really think this world is real? You'd have to be an idiot not to notice all the sloppy details. Look, that guy's putting a bun between two hot dogs.

883

4

Morty:

I don't know, Rick. I mean, I’ve seen people do that before.

884

4

Rick:

Well, look at that old lady. She's, she's walking a cat on a leash.

885

4

Morty:

Uh, Mrs. Spencer does that all the time, Rick.

886

4

Rick:

Look, I-I-I don't wanna hear about Mrs. Spencer, Morty! She's an idiot! Alright, alright, there. W-what about that, Morty?

887

4

Morty:

Okay, okay, you got me on that one.

888

4

Rick:

Oh, really, Morty? Are you sure you haven't seen that somewhere in real life before?

889

4

Morty:

No, no. I haven't seen that. I mean, why would a Poptart wanna live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, that would be, like, the scariest place for them to live. You know what I mean?

890

4

Rick:

You're missing the point, Morty. Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house? No.

891

4

Morty:

So, why are they doing this? W-what do they want?

892

4

Rick:

Well, that would be obvious to you, Morty, if you'd been paying attention.

893

4

Paramedic:

We got the president of the United States in here! We need 10cc of concentrated dark matter, stat, or he'll die!

894

4

Morty:

Concentrated dark matter! They were asking about that in class.

895

4

Rick:

Yeah, it's a special fuel I invented to travel through space faster than anybody else. These Zigerions are always trying to scam me out of my secrets, but they made a big mistake this time, Morty. They dragged you into this. Now they're gonna pay!

896

4

Morty:

Wait, wha, w-w-what are we gonna do?

897

4

Rick:

We'll scam the scammers, Morty. And we're gonna take them for everything they've got.

898

4

Jerry:

National Apple Farmers of America…

899

4

Jerry:

Welcome to our ad agency. I'm Jerry Smith. (Audience stares blankly.) Alright. I'll just get to the pitch. Um, simple question, gentlemen, *hoarsely* what are apples? *clears throat* Excuse me. *drinks some water* Ahh. *coughs, clears throat* What are apples? *pulls poster board to the front of the room* Apples are food. And when do we need food? When we're hungry. (Audience stares blankly.) With that, I give you your new slogan! (Flips paper to reveal sign saying “Hungry for Apples?” Audience continues staring.) Well, say something! Do you like it?