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Pun_recognition

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het_329

Saturday and Sunday are days that make up the weekend. Weakened sounds like weekend. To be weakened is to have lost a certain degree of strength. Parting leaves people exhausted which is a form of being weakened.

Partying Saturday and Sunday leaves me feeling weakened .

The given text is a pun

het_322

A printer needs a special kind of ink known as toner. Ink toner is put in cartridges. The word "tone" can be found in "toner". The word "tone" is also a verb, and can mean to give strength to a muscle in the body. Toned abs refer to abdominal muscles that are strong from exercise. This joke is playing on the word toned because it sounds close to toner, which can reference printer ink.

The man leaned on the printer cartridge because he wanted to tone up his abs .

The given text is a pun

het_318

Baited is the past tense of bait; bait means to prepare a trap with something to entice animals. It's a predatory action. To "wait with baited breath" can be understood literally. The cat ate the cheese, the scent of that cheese is still on the cat's breath which could bait the mouse. To "wait with baited breath" can also mean to wait in a nervous and excited state in anticipation of what's to happen.

A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath .

The given text is a pun

het_316

A pail is a type of bucket. "Pale" is a homophone of "pail". When someone "turns pale" it means that their complexion looks washed out and without color. The joke is playing on the phrase "turn pale" but replaced "pale" with "pail" because they're talking about a bucket of water.

Drinking a whole bucket of water could make you turn pail .

The given text is a pun

het_315

The joke is a pun. A 'barbarous' person is someone savagely cruel; exceedingly brutal. The word 'barbarous' sounds similar to 'barber' which is a person who cuts hair, especially men's, and shaves or trims beards as an occupation.

Some people who cut hair can be quite barbarous .

The given text is a pun

het_311

Yeast sounds close to the word least. "It's the least he could do" is a common saying meaning it's the smallest, or easiest thing someone could do. Yeast is a type of fungus that is added to bread dough to help make it rise. A baker is someone that bakes bread. The joke is on the word "yeast" and how it sounds like "least".

A good baker will rise to the occasion , it ' s the yeast he can do .

The given text is a pun

het_31

A hotel is a building that travelers can temporarily stay in to sleep and get a meal. A hostel is a a lot like a hotel but cheaper. Hostel sounds like hostile. Hostile means unfriendly, or antagonistic.The joke is playing on the word "hostel" because it sounds like "hostile" and they won't stay at friendly hotels.

They won ' t stay at friendly hotels , because they ' re hostel people .

The given text is a pun

het_306

The joke is a pun. When a riding animal breaks a leg and cannot walk, they are called 'lame'. Doing something 'lamely' also means in an 'uncool' way.

' ' I think I ' ve broken my leg ' ' , reported Tom lamely .

The given text is a pun

het_305

Geronimo is a word shouted during an experience of exhilaration, typically during warfare. Geronimo is also the name of a person. The joke centers around the word geronimo and its different meanings.

I fought with Geronimo , said Tom bravely .

The given text is a pun

het_303

The joke is a play on words. 'Stank' sounds like 'sank' which would make the phrase make sense as 'sank to the bottom'. Skunks are known for being really pungent smelly animalsy, so the word was replaced with 'stank'.

A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom .

The given text is a pun

het_300

This is a pun on 'symphony' which is used in place of 'sympathy' which are feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune, like not liking classical music. 'Symphony' is used instead because that's a term in music

Those who hate classical music have my symphony .

The given text is a pun

het_298

This seems like an anti-joke that lacks creativity, but rather is hyper-literal.

' ' Boy , I wish the elevator were working , ' ' said Tom , staring up to the top .

The given text is a pun

het_293

This is a play on words. There's a common phrase that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" meaning people being apart can help them grow closer. However, "absence" osunds like "abstinence" meaning refraining from sexual intercourse.

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder

The given text is a pun

het_292

A solar flare is term used to describe an explosion on the sun. Flare is a homophone of flair. Flair means to have an inclination or tendency towards something. The scientists in this joke have an inclination for research, and the word "flare" is used because its a homophone of "flair" and the scientists are studying explosions on the sun, or solar flares.

Scientists studying the sun have a flare for research .

The given text is a pun

het_287

A scarecrow is an object made to resemble a human figure that is set up to scare birds away from a field where food is growing. A garden is a piece of land where vegetables or plants are grown. Garden sounds like "guardin'" or "guarding" which means to watch over in order to protect. This is a play on the word garden because it sounds like "guarding" and the joke is referring to a scarecrow protecting crops.

Scarecrows are always garden their patch .

The given text is a pun

het_283

This is a clunkily worded joke that should work better than it does.

The mad scientist in the old castle had a strange secret – but he kept it under his bat .

The given text is a pun

het_282

Marx is the last name of Karl Marx, a German philosopher of the 1800s. "Marx" is a homophone of "marks". Marks can refer to written symbols, like checkmarks, made on a piece of paper to help signify what is right or wrong. The joke is playing on the word Marx and its homophone marks.

Are Philosophy papers graded with Marx out of ten ?

The given text is a pun

het_278

A diploma is a certificate given by an educational establishment to show that someone has successfully completed a course of study. We see "diploma" in "diplomatically". Tom is congratulating someone on graduating.

' ' Congratulations ; you graduated , ' ' said Tom diplomatically .

The given text is a pun

het_277

The joke is a pun. Being 'solid as a rock' means being strong and confident. Being 'bolder' means being more confident. The identically sounding word, 'boulder' is a word that refers to a very large rock.

A husband who thinks he is as solid as a rock may have a wife who wishes he was a little bolder .

The given text is a pun

het_276

The joke is a play on words. It sounds like the colors of herbivores is being discussed. They come in browns and greys, but instead of the identically sounding word 'graze' is used. Grazing is when herbivores eat grass in a field.

Herbivores come in browns and graze .

The given text is a pun

het_268

Not sure if this is trying to replace the word "breath" with "broth", as in bad breath.

If you eat soup that ' s nine days old you will get bad broth .

The given text is a pun

het_267

The joke is a pun. Undeveloped photos are called 'negatives'. To say something 'negatively' means to say something in a pessimistic way.

I haven ' t developed my photographs yet , said Tom negatively .

The given text is a pun

het_261

This is a pun on "fissure". A "fissure" is a long, narrow opening made by cracking or splitting, as the river is. It sounds like the word "fisher" which is what the angler is.

Because the champion angler instructed his pupils to cast their lines where the river runs through narrow chasms , they called him the ' ' fissure King . ' '

The given text is a pun

het_258

This could've been a better joke about a master gossiper losing their confidence (and confidants) after spreading a false rumor that blew up in their face.

OLD GOSSIPS never die they just lose their confidants

The given text is a pun

het_253

I think the joke is a play on words. 'Weight' sounds like 'wait', and the phrase 'can't stand the wait' typically means 'is having a hard time remaining patient'. Since the speaker is talking about a diet plan and being healthier, the word 'wait' is replaced with 'weight' meaning body weight.

One gruelingly intense month into the year - long diet regimen , the overwhelmed patient concluded she could not stand the weight .

The given text is a pun

het_252

This is a play on words. The word "officiously" means volunteering one's services when they're not asked for. However, the way the word "officiously" is spoken kind of sounds like the word "fish" is in there somewhere.

' ' I prefer trout to salmon , ' ' Tom said officiously .

The given text is a pun

het_251

This joke uses a double pun. The first one is the title of the play, with 'Earnest' being both an adjective and a traditional male name (spelled E-R-N-E-S-T). The play was written by a man named Oscar Wilde, who had the wild idea to pen it.

The pun in the title of the play ' ' The Importance of Being Earnest ' ' was a Wilde idea .

The given text is a pun

het_250

"Spade away" sounds close to "fade away". To fade away means to gradually grow faint and disappear. A spade is tool with sharp edges and a long handle that is used to dig up dirt. The job of a gravedigger is to dig graves, which means to dig up dirt in order to create that grave. The tool used to dig a grave can be a spade. The joke is playing on a gravedigger's "spade" which they used to replace the word "fade" so that "fade away" turned into "spade away".

OLD GRAVEDIGGERS ; never die , they just spade away .

The given text is a pun

het_25

"Thick and tired" is close to the phrase "sick and tired" which means to be thoroughly fed up with something to the point of fatigue. When someone is on a diet, it typically means that they are limiting the amount of food they are eating in order to lose weight, or fat. Thick people are typically chubby people, or people that are considered to have a decent amount of weight on them.

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it all .

The given text is a pun

het_249

This is a pun on 'apatite', which is a type of stone. It's used here because it souinds similair to 'appetite' and since it's a stone, it's something that a geologist might study

The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite .

The given text is a pun

het_247

This is a pun on 'doe' which is a baby deer, but it's also being used because it dounds like 'dough' which is another term for money, which can help with expenses

In his free time , my son in college hunts deer and sells the meat . He says the doe helps him with his expenses .

The given text is a pun

het_239

The joke is a pun on the word 'pi'. Pi is a number used in calculated radius and circumference of spheres and circles. Pi sounds like 'pie' which is a dessert food that can be made with all kinds of flavors such as pumpkin.

A perfectly spherical pumpkin makes good pi .

The given text is a pun

het_235

A lute is any plucked string instrument with a neck and a deep round back enclosing a hollow cavity, usually with a sound hole or opening in the body.

The thief broke into the music store and stole the lute .

The given text is a pun

het_234

A doctor is a medical professional that gives care to people who are sick. "Patience" sounds like "patients". Patients are people that receive medical attention from doctors, or other healthcare professionals. To lose patience means to become easily frustrated. To lose patients means to stop seeing caring for someone that once sought medical treatment from you. This pun is a play on the word "patience" since it sounds like "patients".

OLD DOCTORS never die they just lose their patience .

The given text is a pun

het_229

A sail is a typically a piece of canvas used to catch wind on a ship to help make it move. Sail is a homophone of sale. Sale is the activity of selling something. This joke is playing on the word "sale" because it sounds like "sail" and the item discussed are boats.

Businesses selling pleasure boats often have a sail .

The given text is a pun

het_227

This is a pun. "Geek" sounds like "greek", and greek mythology is known to have many gods for different things. Like a Greek god, Qwertyus is the god of something very particular, in this case keyboards. A lot of geeks like computers, and Qwertyus is based on QWERTY, which refers to the Q, W, E, R, T, and Y keys on a computer keyboard.

Qwertyus , god of keyboards , is a character from geek mythology .

The given text is a pun

het_224

This is a pun on 'died' which means to cease to exist, but 'dyed' is used in it's place because it sounds similar and because it means having been colored with a dye, like you do with hair

Everybody was in shock when the hair stylist dyed .

The given text is a pun

het_223

This is a pun on 'foul rash' which in this context means an area of irritated or swollen skin. However the word 'foul' can mean wicked or immoral, but the alternate spelling of 'fowl' means birds collectively

Chickens can give some people a foul rash .

The given text is a pun

het_222

A grater is a tool used to shave a block of cheese (or any other food) into sprinkles. Grater is a homophone of greater. Greater means better. "Greater of two evils" means the best choice out of two things that are not great options. The joke is playing on the phrase "greater of two evils" except "greater" is replaced with "grater" because the joke is referencing shredding garlic and cheese.

My wife uses a kitchen implement to shred garlic and parmesan cheese , which I hate . It really is the grater of two evils .

The given text is a pun

het_22

This is a pun on the word 'punctually' since it sounds similar to 'puncture' which is a small hole in something such as the skin, caused by a sharp object. Much like how you'd puncture you're nose with a pin

' ' I ' ve stuck a pin through my nose , ' ' said Tom punctually .

The given text is a pun

het_219

Fare sounds like fair. A "fair share" means justified amount. A fare is a fee someone has to pay when they're taking public transportation. Paying your "fare share" means to pay your bus fee, but it can also mean you need to be fair with paying the driver the correct amount in fare.

If you ride a bus you have to pay your fare share .

The given text is a pun

het_218

These OLD PROFESSIONS jokes rarely work because the puns are not metaphors for dying.

OLD ANTENNA ENGINEERS never die , they just phase away .

The given text is a pun

het_217

This is a pun and a reformat of an existing joke, where "X never die, they just Y". Sailors work on boats in the ocean. A porpoise is a sea creature. Porpoise sounds like purpose, which means a thing's meaning, calling, or reason for existing.

OLD SAILORS never die , they just lose their porpoise .

The given text is a pun

het_216

A coup is a sudden and violent seizure of power from a government. "Coup" is close to the spelling of "coop" which is a cage used to keep birds in. The king of doves sensed an imminent takeover, with "coup" being used because it's close to the spelling of "coop". This joke is playing on the word coup.

The ailing king of the doves sensed an imminent coup .

The given text is a pun

het_213

A wok is a bowl shaped frying pan often used in Chinese cooking."Walk" is a homophone of "wok". Walk is a verb that means to travel on foot. This joke is using "wok" in place of "walk" in the phrase "walk away" to refer to old Chinese cooks.

OLD CHINESE COOKS never die , they just wok away

The given text is a pun

het_209

The joke is a pun. A symphony softball game sounds like both softball players and musicians such as bass players would be there. 'No men left on base' is a phrase in baseball or softball that means no runners are standing on first, second, or third base on the field. 'Base' was replaced with the identically sounding word 'bass' for the musical instrument. Both would be true if an attack happened.

After the sniper attack at the symphony softball game , there were no men left on bass .

The given text is a pun

het_204

"Gnus" sounds like "news". Gnus are a type of African antelope. News is noteworthy information that is broadcasted. The joke is a play on the word "gnus" which sounds like "news".

I learned that the antelopes were coming when I heard the gnus .

The given text is a pun

het_203

this one's kind of confusing because it evokes images of icicles being stuck to a person's philtrum. Still, it gets credit for being a play on "stiff upper lip".

Those who have icicles keep a stiff upper drip .

The given text is a pun

het_201

descent sounds like decent

An heir is someone with a descent wage .

The given text is a pun

het_196

This is a pun on the phrase 'no comment' which is usually said by politicians when they wish to not comment on a cetain topic, but 'comet' is used in it's place because it sounds similar and because comets are a celestial object consisting of a nucleus of ice and dust and, when near the sun, a tail of gas and dust particles pointing away from the sun, which is something that astronomers study

A politician who had been an astronomer was always saying ' no comet ' .

The given text is a pun

het_194

To haul is to pull something with great force or effort, this is what trucks do. Haulways is a homophone of hallways. A haulway is a strip of road that is used for hauling objects. A hallway a long passage with doors into rooms on both sides of it. "Truckers like long haulways", which can sound like "truckers like long hallways". The joke is playing on the word haulways.

Truckers like houses with long haulways .

The given text is a pun

het_193

The joke is a pun. 'Boos' sounds like 'booze', and the audience is drunk. Boos from a crowd mean the audience doesn't like a performance. Booze is a term to refer to alcoholic beverages.

There is nothing worse for a performer than an audience of drunks and their boos .

The given text is a pun

het_19

Key is being used to mean both technique and a group of pitches in music. Tuning is used both to mean adjusting attention and to adjusting instruments. Octave, which is the interval between a pitch and another with double its frequency, sounds like active, which is to be in direct participation.

The key to changing your performance ability is by tuning out criticism and staying musically octave .

The given text is a pun

het_189

I'll give this OLD [PROFESSION]S joke more credit for being a hair more clever. 'Refluxes' is used as a pun on 'reflexes', and reflux is a chemical process that takes place in the body.

OLD CHEMISTS never die , they just lose their refluxes .

The given text is a pun

het_188

This is a pun on the word "pullet". The word "bullet" in the Superman quote "faster than a speeding bullet" has been replaced by the similar-sounding word "pullet" because a "pullet" is a young hen and this joke is about chasing chickens.

A farmer wanting to kill a chicken for dinner has to move faster than a speeding pullet .

The given text is a pun

het_187

This is a play on words. The word "painfully" means physically unconfortable due to swallowing glass. However a "pane" is part of a window implying that Tom is speaking "panefully" due to having swallowed a window pane.

' ' I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window , ' ' Tom said painfully .

The given text is a pun

het_185

This is a pun on 'kidding' which means 'not serious', but 'kitten' is used in it's place because it sounds similar and a kitten is a baby cat

They say curiosity killed the cat , and they weren ' t kitten .

The given text is a pun

het_184

This is a pun on 'morning'. If you're not a morning person it means you don't like mornings, but 'mournings' is used here because it sounds siilar and it means the expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died

He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person .

The given text is a pun

het_183

The joke is a pun. The iced, brewed, beverage may in fact be tea. 'Tea' sounds identical to 'tee' which, in golfing is a holder that sticks in the ground to rest a golf ball on for hitting with a golf club.

Before the golfer finished drinking the iced , brewed beverage he dropped his tee on the cart path .

The given text is a pun

het_179

Upheld means to confirm, but it can also mean to physically support something. Tom is confirming that the ceiling is going to collapse, but it is supporting it. The joke is centered on the word "upheld" and how it relates to giving physical support, and how it means confirmation of something.

' ' If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse , ' ' Tom upheld .

The given text is a pun

het_1780

"Whined" means complain. "Whined" sounds like "wined" which means to have consumed wine. Chardonnay is a type of white wine. This joke is a play on the word "whined".

' ' I don ' t like this Chardonnay , ' ' Tom whined .

The given text is a pun

het_1779

An anagram is a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of another. A gram is a unit of weight measurement. For instance, something that weighs 1 kilogram weighs 1000 grams, or something that weighs 1 milligram weighs 0.001 grams. The joke is trying suggest "anagram" would follow the same pattern.

I wonder how much an anagram weighs ?

The given text is a pun

het_1778

This is a play on words. "alphabetical order" means arranged according to the order of the letters of the alphabet. But "order" sounds like "ordure" meaning dung, as in the dung produced by a goat after eating a scrabble tile.

When the goat ate a Scrabble set , the letters came out in alphabetical ordure .

The given text is a pun

het_1773

theres interest involved when you need money or need to pay for money

She was only a Carpenter ' s daughter , but you should have seen her circular sores !

The given text is a pun

het_1772

Naughtily is an adverb that means "in a disobedient way". The word "naught" means nothing. The word "naught" can be found in "naughtily". Tom disobediently said nothing.

Naughtily , Tom said nothing .

The given text is a pun

het_177

"For granite" sounds like "for granted". To take something for granted means to fail to appreciate something. A rock is a hard, naturally occurring mass made up of mineral material. Granite is a type of igneous rock. This joke is playing on the term "for granite" because it sounds like "for granted".

You should never take rocks for granite .

The given text is a pun

het_1769

This joke is a pun on relativity, a concept formulated by Einstein, in regards to speaking about his parents/relatives.

These are my parents , said Einstein relatively

The given text is a pun

het_1768

The joke is a pun. A gardener growing herbs may grow the herb, 'thyme'. The phrase 'time and a half' means receiving fifty percent extra pay for working, typically on holidays. Thyme and time sound identical.

Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half .

The given text is a pun

het_1767

A colonel is an army officer of high rank. The officers pounded open the walnuts with hand grenades, scattering the "colonels" which is meant to sound like "kernels". Kernels are the seed and hard husk of a cereal, especially wheat. The joke is using language found in the military while explaining opening walnuts.

To crack open the walnuts , several officers foolishly pounded them with hand grenades , scattering the colonels everywhere .

The given text is a pun

het_1766

The joke is a pun. A pencil that needs to be sharpened likely has no sharp point on it, meaning it has a blunt tip. To say something bluntly is to say it in an uncompromisingly forthright way.

' ' I need a pencil sharpener , ' ' said Tom bluntly .

The given text is a pun

het_1765

This is a pun on 'value discount' which means a highly discounted item, but 'valium' is used in it's place because it sounds similar and because it's something a Hospital would order/ need

Hospitals that buy in bulk get a valium discount .

The given text is a pun

het_1763

Sundays and sundaes are homophones. Sundaes are a type of dessert made from ice cream. Sunday is a day in the week. This joke is playing on the "Sundays" because it sounds like "sundaes".

Treat yourself to one of our Sundays .

The given text is a pun

het_1762

Altitude sounds close to the word "attitude". When someone has a good attitude, it means they have a friendly, cheerful disposition. A pilot is someone that flies aircrafts. Altitude is the height of an object above ground level, or sea level. Having good altitude means being at a good height for flying. This joke is playing on the term "good altitude" because it sounds close to "good attitude".

To become a pilot requires a good altitude .

The given text is a pun

het_1755

A mime is a peformer who is silent, and utilizes just body movements and expressions to convey information. Aloud, in this case, is replacing "allowed", as in being able or permissable to do something. Aloud means out loud, so the mime isn't allowed or aloud in both cases.

The mime wanted to say something , but he wasn ' t aloud .

The given text is a pun

het_1750

This is a pun on 'reckless' which is without thinking or caring about the consequences of an action, But 'recluse' is used in it's place because it sounds similar and becase 'recluse' means a person who lives a solitary life and tends to avoid other people, which is essentially what a hermit is

A hermit drove to town and was charged with recluse driving .

The given text is a pun

het_1749

An incisor is a type of tooth. Incisor sounds like insider. The joke could be understood in two ways. It could be understood that the dentist was convicted of insider trading (like with stocks), or incisor trading (in the literal sense, trading teeth).

There was a dentist who was convicted of incisor trading .

The given text is a pun

het_1746

The joke is a play on words. 'Faults alarm' is intended to sound like 'false alarm' which means an alarm that was sounded when it was not needed. A conscience is the internal moral actor within people, where one feels bad for doing bad things. If it was one's fault for doing something, their conscience would sound a sort of 'fault alarm' because they know they did something wrong.

Conscience is a faults alarm .

The given text is a pun

het_1742

Canons sound like cannons. A cannon is a type of gun mounted on wheels. A canon is a noun that refers to an accepted principle or rule. Church canon law settles disputes.

Church disputes can be settled with canons .

The given text is a pun

het_174

The joke is a pun. There are seven days in a week. Religious people would say that not praying makes one weak, or not strong.

7 days without prayer makes 1 weak

The given text is a pun

het_1735

Another lame pun. To appropriate something is to take it from another culture and adapt it in some way that cheapens the original inspiration.

I ' ll take that , said Tom appropriately .

The given text is a pun

het_1734

I didn't "veal well at all" sounds like "I didn't feel well at all". Scallopini is a dish, and veal is the meat used in that type of dish. So, the joke is replacing "feel" with "veal" because they sound similar.

I felt sick after I ate the scallopini . I didn ' t veal well at all .

The given text is a pun

het_1732

Kings are rulers. Peasants are people of low social status. Uprisings were a "peasant surprise" sounds like "pleasant surprise". So, in the literal sense, the uprisings by the peasants were surprising. Although "peasant surprise" sounds like "pleasant surprise" I'm sure they weren't for the king.

Kings sometimes found that uprisings were a peasant surprise .

The given text is a pun

het_1731

This is a pun on the word "swallow". Follow the Leader is a game. "Follow" sounds like "swallow". The joke is about cannibals and cannibals eat people so they would swallow the leader.

A cannibal ' s favourite game is ' swallow the leader ' .

The given text is a pun

het_1730

This is a pun on 'away' which means to or at a distance from a particular place, person, or thing. But 'aweigh' is used in it's place because it sounds similar and it means (of an anchor) raised just clear of the sea or riverbed. On a news team, an anchor is someone who is generally a host of the program, but 'anchor' is also a device used on ships to plant themselves in place

The weekend reporter sailed through the newscasts while the anchor was aweigh .

The given text is a pun

het_1726

"Data" sounds close to the word "date". To go to a dance stag means to go alone, without a date. A date is a person who is someone's romantic partner for an evening. A statistician is someone who is an expert at preparing and analyzing statistics. Another word for statistics is data. The joke is centered on the word "data" because it relates to what statisticians handle, but it also sounds close to the word "date".

The statistician attended the dance stag . He didn ' t have any data .

The given text is a pun

het_1721

This is a pun on 'principles' which are a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning, but 'principals' is used in it's place because it sounds exactly similar and 'principals' are the head authoritry in a school

Cheating on a test can put honorable students in conflict with their principals .

The given text is a pun

het_172

A grate is a framework of metal bars that is used to hold a fire. "Grate" and "great" are homophones. Great means wonderful. This joke is playing on the word "grate" because it sounds like "great".

The corner of Ninth and Broad attracts a lot of the homeless because of its reputation for having a grate area for sleeping

The given text is a pun

het_1719

It's just common enough knowledge that Ignatius was the patron saint of Loyola - what 'loyally' refers to. That he always prays to that saint demonstrates his loyalty.

I always pray to St . Ignatius , said Tom loyally .

The given text is a pun

het_1718

A kilt is a type of knee-length dress skirt found in Scottish culture. Kilt sounds like "killed". The joke is saying that you shouldn't make fun of a Scotman's traditional garb because you could get killed, but kilt was used in its place.

Never make fun of a Scotsman ' s traditional garb . You could get kilt that way .

The given text is a pun

het_1711

This is a play on words using the word "husky". The ear of corn is calling the other one "husky", meaning "big". "Husky" has the word "husk" in it. A husk is the outer layer of an ear of corn.

One ear of corn said to the other ' You ' re getting husky ' .

The given text is a pun

het_1709

In a dark way, this joke sort of works. While the phrase 'shotgun wedding' does indeed imply 'wife or death' as the joke puts it, it usually means something very different: a wedding that happens between two people already expecting a baby.

Shotgun wedding : A case of wife or death .

The given text is a pun

het_1707

The joke is a pun on the word 'Inca'. The Inca people were an ancient tribe in North America. Inca sounds like 'ink' which would be typically used in the phrase 'make sure the ink was dry'. Ink is a substance used to write with.

Ancient scribes who hired Aztec writers had to make sure the Inca was dry .

The given text is a pun

het_1704

This is play on the word grating, or gratingly. Parmesan is a cheese. Cheese needs to be put through a grater if you want cheese in sprinkles. Gratingly here means in an irritating fashion.

' ' Would anyone like some Parmesan ? ' ' asked Tom gratingly .

The given text is a pun

het_1703

Bagpipes are instruments traditionally used in celtic cultures, like scotland or ireland. Scotish traditional garb consist of kilts, or plaid skirts. Off kilter has the word kilt in it, and means not in the usual state or unusual.

I tried to play the bagpipes , but the sound coming out was off kilter .

The given text is a pun

het_1702

This is a joke that barely works because 'throne' is both a royal chair and used here as a homophone for 'thrown'.

I witnessed the attack on the castle and saw the queen ' s robe torn and the king ' s throne under the horses ' feet .

The given text is a pun

het_1700

The joke is a pun. 'Hertz' is a unit of measurement for the frequency of electricity, equal to one cycle per second. 'Hertz' sounds like 'hurts' which means painful.

My computer is so slow it hertz .

The given text is a pun

het_1699

Waste is a homophone of waist. Waste means refers to things discarded because they are no longer useful. A waist refers to the part of the human body below the ribs and above the hip. "Food gonig to waste" means food that gets thrown out. "Food going to waist" means food that makes someone gain extra weight, which can be seen around the person's waist. This joke is a play on the word "waist" and its homophone "waste".

Some people don ' t like food going to waist .

The given text is a pun

het_1693

This is a play on words. The word "busy" means having a backed schedule but "buzzy" references the buzzing sound that bees make.

Bee keepers always manage to keep buzzy .

The given text is a pun

het_1690

Eon sounds like "neon". So "eon lights" is supposed to sound like "neon lights". An archaeologist is someone who makes discoveries in human history through digging up artifacts, possibly using neon lights. An eon also means a long period of time, which relates to an archaeologist making discoveries on things that happened over a long expanse of time.

Archaeologists working at night need lots of eon lights .

The given text is a pun

het_1686

The joke is a pun. 'Knead' means to pound or press the dough for making bread. 'Knead' sounds like 'need' which would make the phrase 'need to know basis', and that generally means 'only told to those who have to know'.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis .

The given text is a pun