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Pun_recognition

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het_573

This is a pun. Esteem means confidence or respect. Some older trains use steam to function. The engineer had a lot of esteem on the old trains because there was probably a lot of steam.

On the old trains the engineer had a lot of esteem .

The given text is a pun

het_564

Yuan is a type of currency used in China. Yuan sounds like "yawn" in English. The joke is saying that too many people are "yawning" or are too lax because they are not paying attention to the value of the Chinese currency.

In times like these the value of Chinese currency should make Americans pay attention . Instead , too many of us just yuan .

The given text is a pun

het_561

Vault sounds like the word fault. A vault is where money or other valuables get stored. Bankers work with vaults. This is a play on the phrase "generous to a fault" with vault being used instead of the word fault. "Being generous to a fault" means that someone is generous even if it hurts them.

Some bankers are generous to a vault .

The given text is a pun

het_56

Sail sounds like sale. A sail is a piece of material extended on a mast to collect wind. A mast is found on a boat. The "best sail ever" can be taken in the literal sense, or be understood as the "best sale ever".

The boating store had its best sail ever .

The given text is a pun

het_556

The joke is a pun. 'Plane' sounds the same as 'plain'. People often refer to food served on airplanes as 'plane food' however, if food was unseasoned and tasted bland, one would call it 'plain' meaning basic, simple, or boring.

Don ' t expect to eat something fancy when you ' re flying because it ' s plane food .

The given text is a pun

het_555

The joke is a play on words. The term 'flower derangements' would usually be said 'flower arrangements'. Since the person is described as psychotic, the speaker said 'derangements' because 'deranged' is another word for psychotic or unbalanced mentally.

The psychotic florist created many flower derangements .

The given text is a pun

het_553

This is a pun on the phrase 'enough to sink a ship' which obviosuly means enough of somehing to sink a ship, but 'zinc' is used in it's place because it sounds similar to 'sink' and because it's a component used in the hull of ships

The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship .

The given text is a pun

het_55

The joke is a pun. Feeling 'crummy,' generally means 'feeling bad' or 'unhappy'. Baked foods items like cookies tend to crumble and break, leaving behind crumbs, and might make an area 'crummy'.

After burning a batch of cookies a baker felt very crummy .

The given text is a pun

het_545

A private is a soldier of the lowest rank. Private can also mean not public, or belonging to a certain group of people only. Tom is admitting that he's an ordinary soldier, but he's only letting certain people know. The joke is playing on the word private, which can be found in the word privately.

' ' I ' m just an ordinary soldier , ' ' Tom admitted privately .

The given text is a pun

het_543

Transparent means clear or able to see through, and it contains the word parent in it as in a father or mother. This pun is referncing a father who is hard to see, as in invisibile, which means transparent.

Did you hear about the father that was difficult to see ? He was transparent .

The given text is a pun

het_542

The joke is a pun. To gain pounds would make someone heavy. To say something heavily means to say it to a great degree; in large amounts, or with great force.

' ' I ' ve gained thirty pounds , ' ' said Tom heavily .

The given text is a pun

het_540

I think the joke is that 'ironically' sounds somewhat like 'ionically'. 'Ironically' is used to denote a paradoxical, unexpected, or coincidental situation. An ion is an atom or molecule with a net electric charge due to the loss or gain of one or more electrons. Having a charge means something would be magnetized toward something else with an opposite charge.

' ' It ' s my personal magnetism , ' ' said Tom ironically .

The given text is a pun

het_54

This is a pun on 'awful' which means very bad or unpleasant, but 'offal' is used in it's place because it sounds similar and because 'offal' is the entrails and internal organs of an animal used as food, which is something you'd find at a slaughterhouse

When asked by a Health Department official to describe the mess he saw on the slaughterhouse floor , the USDA inspector replied , ' ' It was just offal . ' '

The given text is a pun

het_538

This joke doesn't make sense because 'hollered' does not sound enough like 'hollow', and it creats a bizarre mental image.

I feel empty inside , Tom hollered .

The given text is a pun

het_535

A flea is a type of insect that feeds on the blood of mammals. A tick is a type of parasitic bug that also feeds on blood. Lice is the plural of louse, a type of parasitic insect that feed on blood. Lice kind of sounds like "lies". The word "lice" was used to replace "lies" as a joke because the joke is talking about insects that feed on blood. This joke is playing on the word lice.

Don ' t believe what you hear about fleas and ticks - - it ' s all lice .

The given text is a pun

het_534

"The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side" is a common quote. The word "side" sounds close to "slide". The writer put "slide" in to sound close to "side" and to relate it to the playground the chicken crossed. Playgrounds have lots of slides.

The chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide .

The given text is a pun

het_528

This is a pun using the word "rectified". The proctologist is telling the patient that his condition could be "rectified" which means fixed. "Rectified" has the sound "rect" in it, which sounds like "rectum". A proctologist specializes in issues with the rectum.

The proctologist reassured the patient that his condition could be rectified .

The given text is a pun

het_527

The joke is a pun. The word 'freeze' sounds the same as 'frieze'. A frieze is a broad horizontal band of sculpted or painted decoration, especially on a wall near the ceiling, and can typically be found in Greek architecture. The other 'freeze' is referring to the cold temperature or precipitation from the ice storm.

As they looked at the recreation of the Greek temple on Rodeo Drive while a freak ice storm was occurring , Emily and Henry were astonished by the very unusual frieze .

The given text is a pun

het_522

The joke is a pun on the word knead. Kneading is the act of pressing on the dough to get it ready for baking. Knead sounds like 'need', so in the phrase, "Bakers have a great knead," it sounds like they have a great desire to do something.

Bakers have a great knead to make bread .

The given text is a pun

het_520

This is a play on words. The word "philately" means the collection and study of postage but sounds like "flattery" meaning excessive and insincere praise.

What did the nice girl say when her date invited her home to see his stamp collection ? ' Philately will get you nowhere ' .

The given text is a pun

het_513

This is a play on words. The phrase "don't know him from Adam" is used when someone doesn't know a person. However, "Adam" sounds like "edam" which is a type of cheese.

To emphasize that someone is a stranger : ' ' As we used to say in the cheese industry , I don ' t know him from Edam . ' '

The given text is a pun

het_510

This is a pun on "heir". The prodigal son was having a bad hair day. Hair sounds like heir. An heir is a person who has the legal right to the rank or property of someone who has died. The prodigal son is from a bible story about a son who inherits his father's fortune and wastes it all. Thus, he was a "bad heir".

The prodigal son was having a bad heir day .

The given text is a pun

het_51

The sound a cow makes is "moo". The word "moo" can be found in "mood". When someone or something is "in the mood" it means they feel like doing something. This joke is playing on the word "mood" because it has "moo" in it which references the sound a cow makes.

Cows make noise only when they ' re in the mood .

The given text is a pun

het_509

Wailed is a sound someone makes when in a state of distress. Wailed sounds like "whaled". Moby Dick is the name of a whale found in the book Moby Dick.

I ' ve caught Moby Dick ! Tom wailed .

The given text is a pun

het_506

Salivary glands secrete saliva. Secrete means to produce. Secretively means to go about quietly and hidden from others. Secretively is a play on the word secrete and secret.

' ' I won ' t tell you anything about my salivary glands , ' ' said Tom secretively .

The given text is a pun

het_505

The joke is a pun. Dried grapes are raisins. 'Raisin' sounds like 'raising' and in the context 'raising awareness' it sounds like they are trying to spread information.

Sellers of dried grapes are always raisin awareness .

The given text is a pun

het_504

This is a play on words. The word "evilly" means having evil, immoral or wicked intent. However "Eve" references the Biblical character who forced Adam to eat from the Tree of Life in the Old Testament.

I ' ll tempt Adam tonight , she said evilly .

The given text is a pun

het_503

This is a play on words. The phrase "walking on air" means feeling very happy but "air" sounds like "Eire" which is Irish for Ireland. So here "walking on Eire" means walking in the country of Ireland.

People have a happy time vacationing in Ireland because they are walking on Eire .

The given text is a pun

het_501

"Hilariously" has the sound "hil" in it, which sounds like "hill". Mount Everest is a mountain and a mountain are kind of like a hill, only much larger.

' ' I was the first to climb Mount Everest , ' ' said Tom hilariously .

The given text is a pun

het_5

This is a pun on the word "gnus" Gnus are wildebeests. "gnus" sounds like "news". The evil wildebeests are bad news because they are bad gnus.

Are evil wildebeests bad gnus ?

The given text is a pun

het_498

Ailes' here is a pun on 'Isles': refers to audience members that didn't live on the mainland. Most likely, his biggest fans preferred to watch him from the aisles instead of from seats.

Although he perfected his comic routines on the mainland , his best audiences were in the aisles .

The given text is a pun

het_497

The joke is a pun. 'Humerus' is the name of a bone in the body, and sounds like the word 'humorous' which means jokingly, funny, or comical. Grey's Anatomy is a show about doctors and nurses in a hospital, so the word 'humorous' was replaced with 'humerus' the bone.

Greys Anatomy has many humerus remarks .

The given text is a pun

het_493

Beavers make dams. A dam is a structure that beavers build to protect themselves from predators that could hurt them. A dam can also refer to a manmade structure used to make artificial lakes. The word "dam" is insersted after "best" to express enthusiasm and joy over something.

I saw a beaver movie last night , it was the best dam movie I ' ve ever seen .

The given text is a pun

het_489

The joke is a pun. The phrase 'rotten to corps' sounds like 'rotten to the core' which would mean somebody has a 'cool', 'bad guy' attitude or behavior. The word 'corps' means a main subdivision of an armed force in the field, consisting of two or more divisions.

She was only a Colonel ' s Daughter , but she was great to the navy and rotten to the corps .

The given text is a pun

het_488

"It is the torque of the town" sounds like "It is the talk of the town" meaning lots of people are talking about it. Torque is a measure of how much force it takes to cause an object to rotate. The more torque an engine produces, the greater its ability to perform work. The joke is referencing John Deere's most powerful tractor yet and replaced "talk" with "torque".

John Deere has just released its most powerful tractor yet . It is the torque of the town .

The given text is a pun

het_485

A "naval destroyer" is a warship. "Naval" is a homophone of "navel". The navel is the place on a person's belly where the umbilical cord detached after birth. When the belly button gets pierced, the skin experiences trauma, maybe even gets a bit destroyed, and has to heal around the piercing. The sailor's girlfriend has a belly ring. This is where "navel destroyer" makes sense. This joke is playing on the term "naval destroyer" because it sounds like "navel destroyer".

The sailor called his girlfriend ' s belly ring a naval destroyer .

The given text is a pun

het_481

A prince is a male member of a royal family. Another word for photos is prints. Prints sounds like prince although they mean two different things. "Show everyone the prince" sounds like "show everyone the prints" or photos.

On my tour of the U . K . , Charles invited me to cook at Buckingham Palace , and naturally , I took photos so I could show everyone the prince .

The given text is a pun

het_480

The joke is a pun. 'Caw' is the noise a crow makes, and the word sounds like 'call'. A collect call is when one makes a phone call reversing the charges.

A crow in a telephone booth had no money so he had to make a collect caw .

The given text is a pun

het_473

I think gladly has to do something with flowers

Look at those tall flowers , said Tom gladly .

The given text is a pun

het_471

Electrick shocks vary by degrees, or phases. 'Phased' here is also used a pun on 'fazed', or bothered.

I got a nasty electric shock the other day , but I wasn ' t phased .

The given text is a pun

het_469

The joke is a play on words. 'Innocuous' means 'not harmful or offensive.' However the word sounds similar to 'innoculant' which means 'vaccination.'

Some resist having the ' flu jab but it ' s quite innocuous .

The given text is a pun

het_468

This is a play on words. An "upholstery tack" is a sharp pin used to affix upholstery material to furniture like sofas. However, "tacks" sounds like "tax" meaning an extra fee placed on a bill. Here, an "upholstery tacks" refers both to tacks placed on the sofa and an extra charge for the upholstery.

My sofa was repaired , but I was surprised to find an item on the bill for upholstery tacks .

The given text is a pun

het_466

Migrane is a type of painful headache. Migrane sounds like migrate, which is the act of birds flying to warmer areas during cold weather. The bird has a headache, so it migranes south.

A bird with a headache might just migrane south .

The given text is a pun

het_461

This is a pun on 'Greece', implying that donuts were created in the country of Greece, but it's also being used because it sounds similar to grease, the oil, which donuts were actually first made in

Did you know that donuts were first made in Greece ?

The given text is a pun

het_460

This is a pun on 'guerrilla warfare' which is "type of warfare fought by irregulars in fast-moving, small-scale actions against orthodox military". 'Banana' is mentioned here because it's associsted with gorillas which sounds similar to 'guerrilla'

Guerrilla warfare is more than just throwing a banana .

The given text is a pun

het_46

This is a pun on 'reptiles' which are vertebrate animals of a class that includes snakes, lizards, crocodiles, turtles, tortoises, and alligators. 'Reptiles' is also being used because it includes the word 'tiles' which is a type of flooring

What kind of flooring do alligator hunters use ? Reptiles !

The given text is a pun

het_459

This is a pun on "patiently". Patiently has the word "patient" in it. A patient is the person a doctor takes care of. Tom is waiting to see the doctor, so he is a patient who is waiting patiently.

' ' I ' m waiting to see the doctor , ' ' said Tom patiently .

The given text is a pun

het_458

This is a play on words. The term "homing pigeon" means a type of pigeon that can find its way home from extremely long distances but "homing" sounds like "omen" meaning an event of prophetic significance or something which can predict the future..

My pet bird can predict the future . He is an omen pigeon .

The given text is a pun

het_457

The joke is a play on words. 'Swarm wishes' is used instead of 'warm wishes'. Bees can fly around in large groups called swarms. 'Warm wishes' is generally wishing somebody a good day or similar nice things people say.

A bee keeper will sell you honey with swarm wishes .

The given text is a pun

het_45

The joke is a play on words. An 'era' is a long and distinct period of history with a particular feature or characteristic. 'Era' sounds like 'ear' which would have made the phrase 'in one ear, out the other', and generally means ignored. In terms of fashion, an era of a fashion trend would mean it is currently 'in' or popular for one style, but once the era ends that style would be 'out' or unpopular in comparison to other modern styles.

Fashion is something that goes in one era and out the other .

The given text is a pun

het_444

Disney sounds like dizzy

Mickey Mouse gives some people Disney spells .

The given text is a pun

het_435

The joke is in the use of the word tail. A tale is another word for a story, but since they are talking about lizards, it is literally about the tail body part of a lizard. 'Come listen to this tail' sounds like the speaker is beginning to tell a long story, but they literally mean that you can hear the heartbeat of the lizard through its tail.

Lizards have a very strong heartbeat which can be faintly heard anywhere on their body , said Mr . Johnson , beginning a story . ' ' Come listen to this tail . ' '

The given text is a pun

het_434

This joke is specifically about the Star Wars franchise and the date May fourth. In Star Wars there is a quote 'may the force be with you' and the date could be said 'May, the fourth', sounding like the quote from the movie.

May the 4th be with you .

The given text is a pun

het_431

To say something sparingly means to say something in an infrequent manner. When a tire blows out, people typically have what's called a spare tire in the trunk of their car to replace the blown out tire. We hear the word "spare" in "sparingly". This joke is playing on the word "sparingly" because we can hear "spare" in it, relating to a spare tire.

One of the tires just blew out , Tom said sparingly .

The given text is a pun

het_428

This is a joke on the fact that rump roasts come from the butt of the animal, and the speaker answering the question here is confirming that the product is nothing butt pure rump roast roast

Is that pure rump roast ? Nothing butt .

The given text is a pun

het_427

The joke is a pun. 'Footage' generally refers to a recording or film of something. The person is talking about their shoes being the wrong size, so maybe they used the word 'footage' to sound like it was referring to their feet.

I went out for a run this morning and tripped over , I could have been wearing the wrong size shoes , I haven ' t seen the footage yet .

The given text is a pun

het_426

Callous means insensitive. Callous sounds like callus, but a callus is a hardened part of the skin which is something often found on the bottom of peoples' feet. A podiatrist is a foot doctor. The person is saying they are callous but using the word callus.

I simply must find a new podiatrist . My podiatrist has developed such a callus attitude .

The given text is a pun

het_421

This is a pun. 'Turn over in their grave' means something along the lines of 'if they were alive and knew about this, they'd be really upset.' Gravy is a sauce typically eaten with turkey or chicken. The roosters turn over in their gravy, because they're chickens.

If roosters saw how hens are treated they ' d turn over in their gravy .

The given text is a pun

het_420

The joke is a pun. 'Upping the ante' is to raise the stakes of a bet. 'Ante' can sound like 'aunty'. Any woman one of the uncles marries would become the nephew or niece's aunty.

My two uncles bet who would get married first . Then one upped the ante .

The given text is a pun

het_42

This is a pun on 'going home to mother' which in this context means that the wife was going to her moms as she was upset with her husband. But 'mutter' is used in place for 'mother' because to 'mutter' is to say something in a low or barely audible voice, especially in dissatisfaction or irritation.

His wife left him saying she was going home to mutter .

The given text is a pun

het_417

"Canvas" can both mean a noun that refers to a type of rough, durable cloth or fabric commonly used in tents and outdoor coverings such as awnings, and a verb that means searching or covering a given area, usually in the context of personal outreach for a given goal or mission. The play on words here is that the manager of a business selling tents and awnings, commonly made of canvas, is telling his employees to help promote the business by *canvassing* the area to that end.

In his latest promotional campaign , the manager of City Tent and Awning told his crew to canvas the entire area .

The given text is a pun

het_411

Stationary means "not moving". Stationary sounds like stationery. Stationery refers to paper that is used for writing letters that usually has matching envelopes. No matter how much you "push the envelope" which means to extend the limits of what is possible, it will still be stationary, or unmoving. We see stationery written in place of stationary because they sound the same, except stationery refers to paper with matching envelopes.

No matter how much you push the envelope , it ' ll still be stationery .

The given text is a pun

het_410

This is a play on words. The word "slowly" means at a slow speed but a "sloe" is the fruit of a blackthorn.

' ' This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn , ' ' said Tom slowly .

The given text is a pun

het_409

"Stalin around" sounds like "stallin' around" which means to not do anything, and cause delay. Stalin, or Joseph Stalin was a Soviet leader during WW2. The joke is saying that Russia was slow to recover because it was "stalling around" or wasting time which is why Russia was slow to recover. The joke is centered on the word Stalin and how it sounds close to 'stalling'.

Russia was slow to recover after WW2 because it kept Stalin around .

The given text is a pun

het_408

This is a pun on the word "bale". To "bail out" means to get out of a commitment. The word "bail" in "bail out" has been replaced by the similar-sounding word "bale" because a "bale" is a bundle of cotton and this joke is about cotton-pickers.

Old cotton - pickers never die . They just bale out .

The given text is a pun

het_4

Orifice sounds close to "office". An orifice is an opening in the body. A dentist is constantly working in the mouth of a person, which is an orifice. "Hard day at the office" is a commonly used phrase, but "orifice" is used to replace the word "office".

Dentists don ' t like a hard day at the orifice .

The given text is a pun

het_396

When someone dies and gets cremated, the ashes that result from cremation get put into a jar called an urn. Urn sounds like 'earn'. If someone earns something, it means they worked to get it. If you want something, you need to "earn" it, or work for it. This joke is playing on the word "urn" and its homophone "earn".

If you want those ashes , you ' ll have to urn them .

The given text is a pun

het_393

The joke is a play on words. 'Mutton' is a type of meat, and the word sounds like 'nothing'. They eat lamb and 'nothing' else.

For meat some people eat lamb and mutton else .

The given text is a pun

het_39

Jello is a gelatin consumable that is congealed, meaning it is thickened and non-viscous. Congealed weapon sounds like concealed weapon, which means a weapon that is out of site but on the body and carried around.

He threw jello at his wife , who had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon .

The given text is a pun

het_389

The joke is a pun. 'Sirius' is the name of the brightest star visible in the Earth's night sky. 'Sirius' is pronounced the same as 'serious' which would mean 'important' or 'not a joking matter'. The claim about a star wasn't serious, and it also may not have been about Sirius.

The astronomer made a claim about a well - known star , but it wasn ' t sirius .

The given text is a pun

het_388

This is a play on words. The word "bellicose" means demonstrating aggression but sounds like "varicose" meaning a condition caused by the swelling of veins.

The swollen blood vessels in her legs were very quarrelsome - she had bellicose veins .

The given text is a pun

het_387

Kiln time sounds like killin time, which is an expression for just going through the hours for the sake of making time go by. A kiln is a forge that potters use to heat their products in.

My wife really likes to make pottery , but to me it ' s just kiln time .

The given text is a pun

het_386

"Baroque" sounds close to the word "broke". An instrument that is "broke" or broken is an instrument that no longer functions as it should due to some kind of damage. Baroque refers to a style of European architecture or music. This joke can be taken literally, that there is a repair shop of music instruments of the baroque period, or can be understood as "there is a repair shop for broke musical instruments".

There ' s a repair shop for baroque musical instruments .

The given text is a pun

het_381

The joke is a pun on the word 'loftily'. A loft is typically where hay is stored in a barn. Speaking loftily is to speak in an elevated tone or manner.

It ' s where we store the hay , Tom said loftily .

The given text is a pun

het_380

A fleece is the woolly covering of a sheep. "Fleece" kind of sounds like "fleas". Fleas are parasitic insects that make mammals feel itchy once they are on them. This joke is playing on the word "fleece" and how it sort of sounds like "fleas".

At the petting zoo I saw a sheep scratching itself . Turns out it had fleece .

The given text is a pun

het_38

A lute is a type of stringed instrument, and sounds like loot which means stolen goods. Robbing a music store could involve acquiring loot.

A music store was robbed . The thief made away with the lute .

The given text is a pun

het_379

Roomers are people who rent out rooms. Roomers sounds like "rumors". Rumors are stories of doubtful truth that circulate. "A lot of roomers were flying" can be taken in the literal sense, as in the people renting the rooms were launched into the air. But, it also sounds like "a lot of rumors were flying" which means a lot of stories of doubtful truth were going around.

When a college dormitory exploded a lot of roomers were flying .

The given text is a pun

het_377

Wanton means a cruel and deliberate violent action. Wanton sounds a lot like "wonton". A wonton is a type of chinese dumpling. Wonton soup is a type of soup we see in Chinese cuisine. "Wanton soup attack" means that the soup attack was cruel and deliberate. It also sounds like "wonton soup".

The Chinese chef maliciously dumped a hot broth with dumplings on an obnoxious customer . It was a wanton soup attack .

The given text is a pun

het_375

This is a play on words. The word "humerus" is the name of a bone which may have been broken when the Senator slipped on the banana peel. But "humerus" also sounds like "humorous" meaning inspiring that the Senator slipping caused onlookers to laugh.

Arriving late , Senator Kennedy slipped on a banana peel and fell in a heap , resulting in a humerus break in the midst of the subcommittee ' s intense discussion .

The given text is a pun

het_374

This is a pun on 'loathe' which means to feel intense dislike or disgust towards something, but it's also being used because it sounds similar to 'loaf' which is the form that bread comes in

Working in the bakery left her with a loathe of bread .

The given text is a pun

het_370

This is a pun on the phrase 'for whom the bell tolls' which historrically means because none of us stands alone in the world, each human death affects all of us. Every funeral bell, therefore, tolls for thee". However, 'Belle' is used in place of 'bell' because it sounds similar and because it means a beautiful girl or woman, especially the most beautiful at a particular event or in a particular group, likethe woman in question here

Pablo and Jose waited for a signal from Pilar to join her in the Church Tower , but neither responded to the chiming because they didn ' t know for whom the belle was tolling .

The given text is a pun

het_369

Just because Tom's tone and the Netherlands are both flat, doesn't mean this joke is funny.

This is the Netherlands , Tom stated flatly .

The given text is a pun

het_366

"Feints" and "faints" are homophones. Feint means a pretended blow, or other movement. Faint means to temporarily lose consciousness. The joke is playing on the word "feints" and its homophone "faints" because both can apply to this joke and make sense.

I ' d really like to know whether her collapse was due to a serious illness or whether it was one of her usual feints .

The given text is a pun

het_365

Sigmund Freud was the founder of psychoanalysis, and Carl Jung was a psychoanalyst. Jung sounds like the word "young". This joke is playing on the word Jung and its homophone "young" to refer to not being able to understand the works of Sigmund Freud.

I was going to study the work of Sigmund Freud , but I was too Jung to understand it .

The given text is a pun

het_364

This is a pun on the word "census". A "census" is a collection of demographic data and includes info such as how many members are in a family. It sounds like "senses". The father cannot believe how big his family has become so he cannot believe his own senses and can't believe the census data he will now have to provide.

The new father of quintuplets could hardly believe his own census .

The given text is a pun

het_363

This is a joke - "bidder" sounds like "bitter". "To the bitter end" means to the very end of something, even if it ends poorly. Auctions involve bidding on, or trying to purchase, items for sale, or auction. Those who make the bids on these items are called "bidders".

He stayed at the auction to the bidder end .

The given text is a pun

het_362

"Pair" is a homophone of "pear". An apple is a fruit, and a pear is a fruit. The joke is in the dual meaning of "the pair beneath it". That could refer to a pair of apples, or it could mean the fruit pear as "pair" sounds like "pear".

It wasn ’ t the apple on the tree , but the pair beneath it .

The given text is a pun

het_358

The joke is a play on words. The phrase 'mind over matter' means the use of willpower to overcome physical problems. 'Matter' was replaced with 'platter' because the topic is a diet, and a platter is a serving plate for food.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter .

The given text is a pun

het_357

This is a play on words. The word "fair" means a country carnival but sounds like "fare" meaning the amount one's required to pay for admission

I had to pay to get into the annual local carnival . But that was the county fare .

The given text is a pun

het_354

This is a pun on 'Maine' which is a state, known as vactionland, but it also sounds exactly similar to 'main' which means chief in size or importance which is what the intent of this meant

Kennebunkport was George Bush ' s maine vacation spot .

The given text is a pun

het_351

This is a pun. A foul mouth is someone who has a tendancy to use bad language, but in this case "foul" is replaced with "fowl" which is meant to denote birds collectively

My uncle developed a strange vulgar habit . He would only cuss when he ' d eat chicken . The doctor said he has seen this happen in some cases . Too much chicken can produce a fowl mouth .

The given text is a pun

het_350

"White on time" sounds like "right on time" which is a common phrase. Snow is white. The joke is using the word white to replace the word "right" because "white" references the color of snow.

The snowstorm arrived at a fortuitous moment . It was white on time .

The given text is a pun

het_35

The joke is a pun. To say something 'humorlessly' is to say it in a serious way without any humor or jokes. 'Humorous' sounds like 'humerus' which is the name of a bone in the body, so 'humorlessly' sounds almost like they are 'humerus-less', as they are going to be missing a bone.

The doctors had to remove a bone from my arm , said Tom humorlessly .

The given text is a pun

het_342

Varnish is a liquid that becomes a hard, transparent finish when dried often applied to wooden furniture after construction by a carpenter. Varnish also sounds like vanish, which is to disappear out of sight, and plays on the phrase vanish without a trace.

A good carpenter will do his work and then varnish without a trace .

The given text is a pun

het_341

If someone is "as stiff as a board" it means that they are inflexible, and it usually means that they are referring to their back being difficult to move. Lumbar is an adjective that references the lower part of someone's back. Lumber is wood that has been processed into beams. The joke is playing on the word "lumbar" because it sounds like "lumber" and the person is "as stiff as a board".

If you ' re stiff as a board it could be the lumbar .

The given text is a pun

het_34

"Knotty" is a homophone of "naughty". Knotty means extremely difficult or intricate. Naughty means disobedient, or badly behaved. A knot is a mass formed in a tree trunk. A sapling is a young tree. Admonished means to reprimand someone. The sapling was admonished by his father for being knotty, or naughty. The joke is playing on the word "knotty" and its homophone "naughty".

The young pine sapling was admonished by his father . Apparently he ' d been knotty .

The given text is a pun

het_338

"A word to the wise" is a term used to say that one is about to give someone advice or a warning. The question word "why" often proceeds the word "because". The joke is centered on the phrase "a word to the wise" with "whys" replacing "wise" since they are homophones.

' Because ' is a word to the whys .

The given text is a pun

het_337

bicycles has peddles to make it move

She was only a Cyclist ' s daughter , but she peddled it all over town .

The given text is a pun

het_334

The joke is a play on words. The phrase that was changed for the joke is 'one thing is certain in life; death and taxes', however 'taxes' sounds similar to 'taxis' so it was replaced. Cab drivers are taxi drivers.

The only things sure for cab drivers are debt and taxis .

The given text is a pun

het_33

The joke is a play on words. The band is talking about playing three notes at the same time, which makes a sound called a 'chord'. Saying 'a chord' sounds like 'accord'. To say something with 'one accord' is to do so harmoniously.

Let ' s all play an A , a C sharp , and an E , cried Tom ' s band with one accord .

The given text is a pun