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My son plays alone at recess

Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess

parenting

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-s-ncc

My son plays alone at recess.Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?Every mom is the expert on their children’s behavior.  First of all, I suggest checking with your son, asking him if he is happy while playing alone, or does he complain that no one wants to play with him?  Does he plays alone in school, but is social in other environments, with family or neighbors?Playing alone is healthy for children, it helps them to be independent and confident, it allows them to explore their environment and use their imagination, among other benefits.  On the other hand, it is also important to develop social skills early on and become confident in our skills as we grow.  Children go through stages of exploration until they develop a sense of “social confidence”. Depending on your son’s age, he might need some input or advice.  Provide the opportunity to interact with other children, without pushing it.  Take him to the park to play with a friend or to children’s activities in your neighborhood.  Later ask him, what did he thought of the activity, and if he enjoyed playing there.  Children also follow their parent’s model, so you can encourage social interaction by greeting other and asking your son to do the same, ask him to receive the guests who come to the house with you and sit to enjoy the conversation. If you notice any shakiness, becoming tearful, anxious or aggressive when approaching social encounters, you may want to talk to the school counselor or children’s therapist to evaluate those symptoms and rule out any behavioral problems or social anxiety.Mi hijo juega solo en el receso.¿Debería preocuparme al respecto?  ¿Debería hacer algo al respecto?Cada mama es experta en la conducta de sus hijos.  Primero que nada te sugiero que revises con tu hijo y le preguntes si él se siente contento jugando solo, o si se queja porque nadie quiere jugar con él.   Observa si él juega solo en la escuela, pero es sociable en otros ambientes como con la familia  o los vecinos. Jugar solo puede ser saludable para los niños, les ayudo a ser independientes, desarrollan sentido de seguridad, y les permite explorar su ambiente y utilizar su imaginación, entre otros beneficios.Por otro lado, también es importante desarrollar destrezas sociales y perfeccionarlas con la práctica.   Los niños van por etapas de exploración y prueba hasta que desarrollan un nivel de confianza en sus destrezas sociales.  Dependiendo de la edad de tu hijo, puede que el necesite algunos consejos.  Provéele la oportunidad de interactuar con otros niños, sin obligarlo. Ya sea yendo al parque a jugar con vecinos, o a actividades comunitarias infantiles con algún amigo.  Luego pregúntale como le pareció la actividad y si le gusto compartir allí.  También recuerda que los niños siguen el modelo de sus padres, así que puedes motivarlo invitándolo a que salude a otros después de ti, o invitándolo a recibir a la visita que llega a la casa y que los acompañe durante la conversación.Si observas que tu hijo está nervioso, lloroso, o agresivo cuando se acerca alguna actividad social, consulta con el consejero escolar o un consejero infantil para evaluar sus síntomas y descarta cualquier problema de conducta o ansiedad.

My son plays alone at recess

Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess

parenting

Cory Ian Shafer LPCPsychotherapist, Jungian, Hypnotherapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc

Humans are social creatures so this can be an alarming thing for a parent to deal with, just like adults children are not the same and some children are more social than others, if he plays alone at recess (all the time) it would worry myself as well, however recess is only one domain of life, does he have friends outside of school or daycare? Does he socialize in other situations or is it just at recess where this occurs? If this is a global problem occurring at other social times it may be indicative of something deeper going on, if perhaps it is occurring "just during recess" it could be something else altogether. I would request reports from all teachers and caregivers concerning socialization and make a choice on whether or not to evaluate further.Hope this helps,C

My son plays alone at recess

Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

The answer depends on how the other areas of your son's life are doing.Is he happy or does he seem happy, playing alone during recess?Does he have friends in other social circles besides the students whom he's with at recess?How is his academic progress?How is his social integration among his classmates?Are there any special or unusual circumstances in the home and family environment?Go through this list to form a fuller idea of whether your son simply likes alone time and takes this option during recess, or if any if the above areas show stress or difficulty for him and which need to be further understood and handled.

My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him

I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-toddler-wants-her-daddy-to-die-when-she-s-mad-at-him

parenting

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Children often have a difficult time expressing emotions accurately. It is also very likely that your daughter does not understand  the permanence of death. Having said that, she is using some very specific ideas here and I would recommend contacting a local mental health professional with some experience working with children.I would also wonder where she is getting this idea. Sometimes children hear things on TV or from an adult and we are not even aware of how much they are remembering.It may be helpful to teach her things that she can do when she is angry, like say that she is mad because she cannot have the toy that she is asking for.I'm curious as to how long it is that she stays mad like this and whether she talks to her dad after she is no longer angry. Does she say the same sorts of things about you?It may also be helpful for you to work with a mental health professional (possibly the same one who is working with your daughter) so that you can have some support with this as well.

My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him

I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-toddler-wants-her-daddy-to-die-when-she-s-mad-at-him

parenting

Karen ThackerRelationship Specialist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-thacker-2

It's normal for a child to be so angry she wanted someone to die, but this seems to be heading into a dangerous realm. I think it would be wise to have her seen by a child psychologist just to rule out anything more serious.

My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him

I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-toddler-wants-her-daddy-to-die-when-she-s-mad-at-him

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Toddlers don't have the intellectual capacity to conceptualize.Better to find out why she wants daddy to die than explain the future consequences of death to your toddler.A person must be around 9, possibly 8 years old before absorbing the potential effects of an action taken in present time.Pretty much your toddler demonstrated to you here age appropriate and limited understanding of the loss of a parent, by crying that you weren't able to magically make her father disappear.Also, please pay attention and form your own opinions as to the reasons why your toddler would wish her father's death.She may be pointing out that the father behaves in frightening or harmful ways towards her.

Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?

My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse

parenting

Tamara PowellAnything But Ordinary!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tamara-powell

Oh my goodness, my heart goes out to you!!  I pray you have other strong and supportive loved ones or friends surrounding you. If you are in school, please consider speaking with a counselor on site who can help give you some good coping mechanisms as well as other resources.I believe most therapists would agree that this type of behavior is indicative of emotional AND verbal abuse. And quite often the two overlap because someone who is being yelled at and demeaned is also frequently having his/her emotions preyed upon as well. Healthy Place offers us some great examples of emotional abuse which certainly fit the criteria of what you describe:Yelling or swearing Name calling or insults; mocking.Threats and intimidation.Ignoring or excluding.Isolating.Humiliating.Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim.And abuse survivor and author, Kellie Jo Holly, offers some other great examples of verbal abuse:Emotionally Abusive StatementsYou’re so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at you trying to think.I can’t believe I love a stupid jerk.Aw, come on, can’t you take a joke?Sexually Abusive StatementsYou should know how to please me by now.I hoped you were less experienced.Stop acting like a whore.Financially Abusive StatementsYou are going to nickel and dime me to death!In what world does buying that make sense?Fine. You handle your finances. Let me know when things go to hell.Societally Abusive StatementsHow dare you spread around our private business!Let me do the talking; people listen to men.You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!Threatening and Intimidating StatementsIf you don’t train that dog I’m going to rub your nose in its mess.I will take our kids if you leave me.You’re scared?! This isn’t angry! You will KNOW when I’m ANGRY!Spiritually Abusive StatementKeep your stupid beliefs to yourself.God will find a way to get you back, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.I can feel myself being pulled into hell just listening to your nonsense!It's been my personal clinical experience that children who are experiencing the types of things you describe often say they feel misunderstood, lonely, or scared and don't want to make things worse by standing up for themselves. Even if you feel you can't defend yourself outwardly, that doesn't mean your father's awful and toxic behavior is something you should ever internalize (i.e., believe to be true) which is why I hope you are surrounding yourself with people who will speak life and positivity back over you.  We are ALL worthy of respect, love, and kindness. Don't ever forget that!My love and light to you hon.Tamara Powell, LMHC

Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?

My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse

parenting

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this.It's a little difficult to answer your question because the laws that define child abuse are different from state to state. But usually, things like what you describe your dad is doing are not considered to be child abuse.The more important thing is how you feel about what is going on. It sounds like this is really bothering you.If you don't think you can talk to your dad about how you feel, you might want to try talking to another adult you trust (like a family member or teacher). They may be able to help you figure out some ways to communicate with your dad.I think you might feel better if you can talk to someone about how your are feeling.

Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?

My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse

parenting

Peggy Phipps, LCSWMain Line Adult Counseling, LLC / Your Life: Reimagined

https://counselchat.com/therapists/peggy-phipps-lcsw

Yes, this emotional abuse.  There is no abuse without emotional abuse.  His abuse is demeaning and can have lasting negative impact on your perspective of your self and people around you.  Please find someone support to talk to.

Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?

My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse

parenting

Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg

Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Having said that, everyone gets upset once in awhile and may yell or scream, which can be disrespectful. You said "always, and I mean always" and that is troubling. If your dad curses and screams at you on a regular and consistent basis, it can (as you stated) impact the way you feel about yourself. While the definitions of child abuse differ from state to state, talking to someone can help. Perhaps there is a counselor at school, or another trustworthy person you could confide in to help you understand how this situation is impacting you? Counseling is a good option. There is also help available through the national hotline at 1-800-422-4453, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can call (press 1) and talk to a counselor while being anonymous. You can also check out this website: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/resources-kids/I am sorry that you are going though this situation. There is help available. You do not have to go through this situation alone.

Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?

My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse

parenting

Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR

https://counselchat.com/therapists/gayle-weill

It sounds like your dad makes you feel badly about yourself when he screams, cusses at you, and compares you to your siblings. I am so, so sorry you are going through that. That would be considered emotional abuse because it sounds like he is greatly hurting your feelings when he is behaving in that way. My heart goes out to you. No one deserves to be treated like that and you do not have to allow yourself to be treated like that. Please try to find a therapist who could give you tips for creating healthy boundaries with your dad regarding how he treats you.

Is screaming and cussing at your child considered emotional abuse?

My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-screaming-and-cussing-at-your-child-considered-emotional-abuse

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Yes, screaming and cussing at your child is considered abuse.Here are two points I suggest you consider for your situation.If your dad is ever calm when you and him are with one another,  ask for some time to talk about your relationship with him.Schedule it for sometime in the near future from your request.   This way he has time to consider his points of view on his relationship to you.  Even if he does no thinking about your relationship at all, he will not feel pressured by the surprise of suddenly being expected to talk about a topic he may prefer to prepare himself.My second point to you is to keep steady in your own views of who you are.  When a parent demeans and mistreats a child, the child is affected in a negative way.  Concentrate on loving yourself and keeping people in your friendship circle who care about you.

How should we punish our son for peeing his pants because of laziness?

He is an adolescent. He has peed his pant multiple times over the last few years, all at times when he is too wrapped up in a video game or video. We have taken away games and videos for long periods of time as punishment, but after a few months of having then back, he pees his pants again.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-we-punish-our-son-for-peeing-his-pants-because-of-laziness

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Sounds as though your son is "pissed off" about something.Punishment will most likely result in more of the same, not less of the peeing you would like to stop from happening."Laziness" is more of a social judgement than it is a characteristic of its own merit.Is this your description of your son or his description of himself?First step always before addressing any of the family dynamics, emotions, and psychology of the people involved, is a medical rule out as to why your son pees at times he plays video games.If he has medical clearance that there is no physiological  problem, then talk with your son on his opinions as to why he pees, if he is aware of the urge to pee and ignores it, or that his attention gets so absorbed he doesn't notice the urge to pee.See what modifications you can create by cooperating with your son.Maybe it is as simple as each two hours, he sets a timer and when it goes off, he takes a bathroom break.

How should we punish our son for peeing his pants because of laziness?

He is an adolescent. He has peed his pant multiple times over the last few years, all at times when he is too wrapped up in a video game or video. We have taken away games and videos for long periods of time as punishment, but after a few months of having then back, he pees his pants again.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-we-punish-our-son-for-peeing-his-pants-because-of-laziness

parenting

Barika Grayson LMHC, NCCLicensed Mental Health Counselor www.counselflorida.com

https://counselchat.com/therapists/barika-grayson-lmhc-ncc

From a behavioral standpoint you should refrain from punishing your son.  Instead of utilizing punishment when he wets himself provide contingencies prior to any accidents.  Sit down with your son and discuss the importance of utilizing the bathroom and responsibilities and inform him that if he chooses to wet his pants that his video games will not be available for use for him the next day(or your designated realistic time frame).  This way if an accident occurs, no heated words have to be exchanged because you have already laid the ground work.  Also allow him to clean up himself.  Gather cleaning supplies and and oversee cleaning operations without ridicule or negative feedback.  Since you have stated that you have an adolescent who is experiencing enuresis, you may want to check with your PCP and a licensed professional for underlying diagnosis that can be treated.   You can also call a local behavioral analyst.

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

Elissa Grossclinical psychologist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross

Hi!   I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with this situation.  I have worked with a number of young adults in their 20's who have had to move back home after college , or even stay at home through the college years.  Bottom line is that either way , it is so difficult when you are trying to discover who you are and what you want your life to be , to have to live at home.   I have even heard much older adults clients  say that when they visit their childhood home , they suddenly feel like a "kid" again .  The old dynamics between adults and their parents and siblings can pop right up as if they have gone back in time and are no longer adults !I would suggest that you approach your mom and say something like "I am hoping we can talk about the best way for us to manage me living here.  I really appreciate that you are giving me a place to live until I get on my feet , and I want to be respectful of you and our home ; at the same time , though, I feel like it's important for me to have more independence than when I was younger because I am growing up and trying to learn more about myself and become more autonomous. Can we talk about what might be fair rules that we can  both live with ?" If she is receptive , maybe you can each write a separate list of what you think would be fair and reasonable and then compare lists and try to make compromises and come up with a list of "guidleines" that feel fair to you both .   If this is too hard to do alone , perhaps you and your mom can meet with a therapist a few times who can help you to come  up with some kind of "compromise contract."   This is not an easy situation , but if you can approach your mom in a calm and "mature" way and suggest a planned, structured discussion that doesn't take place in the heat of the moment , your mom may be impressed by your maturity and even more receptive to working out some rules that you can both live with.Good luck !!Elissa Gross

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

These things happen and it is her roof... If you can try and stay busy avoid situations that make you feel like this.  Be Kind and Courteous as if you were living with a room mate.  You can also pay some kind of rent.   Don't feel bad even adults face this with their parents even when their 80 and you are 50.   Some children take care of their older parents or deal with family responsibilities.  Try and do what you can to move forward in your life or ask her to help so that you can live on your own and maybe she just needs to feel needed.

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

Dr. Theresa MooreEducator, Clinician, Poet

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-theresa-moore

Hello. It sounds like you and your parents are not balanced in your communication and awareness of expectations. Your growth is not only reflected in your ability to understand and apply new knowledge and skills, it is also reflective of your parents acceptance of your understanding and application. Have you tried talking with your parents to let them know your concerns?This talking is best when face to face and during non active conflict ( can't begin stating rules during an argument, etc). Sometimes it is even helpful to write down ways you feel you can be supported by them and supportive to them. Maybe share this list or reflective piece with them to review, or use when communicating the expectations. Unfortunately, until there are clear expectations stated and expressed, the scale will be uneven and frustrations will increase. Dr. T

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LCMHCStep into your new life path.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/shawn-thomas-berthel-m-s-lcmhc

Hello. Even though legally you are an adult, it is a matter of courtesy to respect the homes of your parents. As long as you live there, you should be considerate of their needs. At the same time, there should be conversation about what each of you considers appropriate as it pertains to communication between a parent and an adult (even though you are still her offspring). This will require openness, honesty, and a willingness to give from both sides in a respectful way. Healthy boundaries can be established and honored when each is willing to do their part in this new relationship. Your mother knows you are an adult, but has not had as many years of treating you like one. So mentally and emotionally this will take some time for her to adapt. Share your concerns with her, and see if you can come up with a set of rules that you both can honor. It will be a great stepping stone for both of you as you move into this new chapter together as you begin relating a little differently.Reach out for help to a counselor if needed. You don't have to sort this out on your own. And lastly, take good care of yourself in the process. You are moving through some exciting times in your life. The more you can have support as you explore new events, the better you might feel less stressed.Warm regards.

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

Sally HighMake The Return Back To Self

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sally-high-2

Unfortunately you seem to have yourself in a double bind. By living with your mom she is not going to stop her attempts at what you perceive as "controlling". There is no use in trying to debate or get her to "see your point". As long as your there and you personalize her attempts at control, then you will find yourself frustrated and resentful. Try to find an extra job or a roommate so that you can do the natural process of moving on out.www.lifecounselingorlando.com

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

Unfortunately I think most of us have heard this, so you are not alone.  If you are still under her roof she has leverage as to what her expectations are while you are living there.  I would consider therapy for the both of you to see if there could be a middle ground that could be agreed upon.  Often times a 3rd party can help with conflict.  If there is no resolution then I would look to get creative in finding a place of your own.

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

Kathy HicksCounseling and Psychotherapy Services

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kathy-hicks

That is a really tough situation that a lot of young people are experiencing right now. The first thing to under is that you can’t change who your parents are and cannot change their behavior. The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your responses and actions.  You may need to keep living at home with them for the next few months or years and the best way to do this is to have a plan. The second thing is to keep in mind that their controlling behavior is most likely not about based your behavior. Controlling parents are often driven by their concept of what will keep their children safe and happy. Unfortunately this is not always accurate but keep in mind it is not a personal attack.  There are ways you can deal with controlling parents – and most of them require creating a plan of action.Examples of action plans:Decide in advance how you’ll calmly and rationally respond to your parents when you feel they’re trying to control youArrange to phone a friend or trusted adult when you feel like you’re losing controlTalk in person to an adult you trust. There aren’t any quick tips on how to deal with parents who want to control you; you need to find strategies that are geared to your specific family situation. Get specific coping tips from books about family dynamics, such as:Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan ForwardCutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents by Howard HalpernA counselor can be a good resource and provide support and guidance about issues addressing normal growth and development during periods of transition.

My mother is trying to control my life and I don't know what to do

I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone. My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-mother-is-trying-to-control-my-life-and-i-don-t-know-what-to-do

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

You're among many millennials who live with their parents due to financial reasons.Does your mother mean rules pertaining to the way your family household organizes its daily or does she mean something else?Every household needs rules as responsibilities to keep the house clean, who does the grocery shopping, the way costs are distributed for this and all the other carrying charges  and tasks of maintaining the house in decent order, as well as respecting the privacy and noise level requests of others who live in the home.This set of responsibilities applies whenever more than one person lives with another person.Have you tried simply telling your mom that you're willing to be a responsible household member and that you prefer to keep the details of the way you live the rest of your life, to yourself?This would show respect to your mom and start the discussion as to the areas of your life you feel deserve privacy and how you would like to handle when your right to run your own life overlaps with any household duties.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples

https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-klein

I think one of the best things to pass on to our children, or simply one of the best lessons in life, is to learn when to internalize (it's an issue in me) and when to externalize (it's an issue in them), as well as always finding the balance of the two.In this case, you don't seem to be the issue. Sure, living with your parents with your child probably is not your dream scenario, nor your parents'. But, there are ways to process that without someone feeling abused, and your parents clearly have zero ability or boundaries if they are willing to verbally abuse you in front of your child, and their grandchild. If there is a reason they are doing so, I'm sure they think they have a good one. However, the dynamic that they are willingly setting up is problematic. And it is THEIR problem. However, by being strong and not taking in someone's verbal abuse, you are going to role model for your child how it's about what is inside of you, your own drive, that will be what is important, NOT what others say about you. It's important to always come back to yourself inside, and seeing the good that is in you (or even just noticing that it's there, if you can't quite see it in its entirety.)I would also advise your parents to think about their own role modeling.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Valerie Saisi, NCC, LPCParenting, Child, and Family Therapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/valerie-saisi-ncc-lpc

I can't imagine what you are feeling but I can tell you that you are right to be concerned about your children baring witness to this abuse.  This is a great teachable moment for your kids.  How you handle yourself will be very important for your children to see.  Your "REACTION" is what you should focus on.  Will you react with rage and name calling? Will you listen to your parents with respect and talk to them in private about how they are speaking to you in front of your kids?  Will you talk your kids about what is going? From reading this I am assuming you live with your parents.  If this is the case you have to think about what you can do to change your situation.  Have a plan! Set a goal!  Don't lose hope!

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Carole ConnerAffordable Clinical Counseling with Real Life Answers

https://counselchat.com/therapists/carole-conner

The first step is realizing your value and establishing firm boundaries. When your parents cross that boundary and are verbally abusive, you have to have a plan to stand your ground and act upon it. That plan may include a better job to afford a place of your own, a domestic violence shelter if you are unable to provide for your needs, a firm talk with your parents about your parental authority, or other. Whatever you do has to be firm or consistent, a boundary that you allow someone to cross is no boundary. There is always a way, if you have no where to go, ask yourself why is that the case(which I am sure you have considered already) and what can I do about it. If you choose not to take any action then you are enabling your parents to remain abusive. Ask yourself too, why am I not acting on my situation. Am I too dependent on them? Do I not want to change? Is it easier just to let them provide for me? Be honest with yourself. You need to work on your self esteem, and things that empower you. Support groups in person or online, Church groups or organizations, friends, books, music, etc.... but think on things that will empower you. Are you stuck financially because of the need for a job? Do you need to go back to school? Do you need training in a new field? There are a myriad of possibilities and answers. Action, think action and Change, what can I change?

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner

https://counselchat.com/therapists/audrey-oneal-3

That is unfortunate that you are being verbally abused and that the experience not only impacts you, but also your children.It is understandable that you would be overwhelmed as the stress you experience may trigger depleting emotions. Author, Victor Frankel advised others that in difficult situations that one cannot control, it is best to focus on controlling one's reactions to the situation. One way to approach this may be to think about the good that may emerge from the situation regardless of how tough it is.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Eric Rhinehart, LMFT, LAADC, CCMI-M, CIPER Interventions & Therapy Services

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-rhinehart-lmft-laadc-ccmi-m-cip

That must be really hard for you to talk about and I'm sorry they're treating you this way. Sounds like there are some issues in regards to boundaries between you and your parents. It must be hard feeling like you have nowhere to go and feel the need to take it. Also sounds like there may be some other layers to your struggle like all living together and differing in parenting possibly from one generation to the next? One thing that could really benefit you is to learn how to establish more clear boundaries with them. This is much easier said than done and requires much efforts on your part. One technique that will help is learning how to use a communication technique called appropriate assertiveness. It's basically learning how to voice your concerns in a clear, concise way without being aggressive. It's a technique that can take some time to learn how to use effectively and appropriately. There are many different books and research out there about establishing boundaries that will be of benefit to you. Moreover, it's important to keep in mind that things might get worse before they get better, as with most changes in family systems.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ashton-sullivan

Wow, that's tough.  It's understandable to feel trapped when the people you depend on are mistreating you.  While you can't change your parents, fortunately you can work on changing yourself and your situation.Often, the clients I work with feel trapped when there are actually things they can do to change their situation.  The problem is, our emotions can be so powerful they can distort our perception of reality or prevent us from doing the things necessary to build a better life.  Work through this with a therapist to see if your emotions might be getting in the way and look outside the box for things that you can do to change your situation.  In the meantime, here are some other things you can work on.1.)  Assume the best and try not to take it personally.  Most likely your parents don't want to cause you harm, but they don't know any other way to cope with their emotions or communicate effectively.  For example, they may feel that they failed as parents somehow but they take their frustrations out on you.  Maybe their disappointment comes off as anger or frustration directed towards you.  Maybe they feel powerless and the abuse gives them an outlet or a sense of control (i.e., an unhealthy way of coping).  This doesn't excuse them for treating you that way but can help in understanding that this may be all they know and the abuse is the problem- not you.2.)  Communicate.  Relationships are transactional, meaning that what you do and say affects me, and what I do and say affects you.  One way we influence people is with the way we communicate (our words, body language, actions, tone of voice, etc.).  If you don't say or do anything, you are essentially communicating that it is acceptable.Instead, tell them clearly and respectfully every time their words or actions hurt you.  Sometimes people don't realize how their words and actions affect us (or they don't know how else to say things), but it is our responsibility to let them know and to set the boundaries.  Remember that while it is your parents' responsibilities to manage their own emotions and communication, it is your responsibility to take care of your own.You could say something like, "when I hear you say that it really hurts," "please don't say things like that to me," or even more clearly, "it's not okay to talk to me that way.  Please find a more respectful way to say you need."  Each time you are correcting them and teaching them how to treat you.  I realize that this doesn't always work because ultimately people are gonna do do what they want, but these are ways that you can practice standing up for yourself.  You may have to say these things over and over again, but it's better than not saying anything at all.  Not only will it help your self esteem, but you will be modeling healthy boundaries and communication for your child.None of this is easy work and since people are so complex, there isn't a quick and easy fix.  I definitely recommend working with a therapist to explore what's keeping you stuck and how you can work through it.  It would be awesome if your parents would be on board with learning some healthier ways to communicate as well.  I hope this helps and things work out!

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Amelia Mora MarsHi, I'm Amelia. I help overwhelmed, stressed out teen girls and women find peace again.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/amelia-mora-mars

Hello, I am sorry to hear about you feeling verbally abused, trapped without an escape, and emotionally drained. Sounds to me like you are being treated more like a child than an adult.  It's time to learn about healthy boundaries and being treated like an adult. This process will take time, but beyond elevating your self-esteem and worth, you will be modeling to your children a healthy adult. Model to them an empowered, confident, and person that is worthy of respect. Please invest in yourself. Find yourself a therapist that encourages and empowers you to have a voice and not feel invisible. You'll be so glad you did!

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-traci-kochendorfer

I understand and sending you some protection and positive vibes to you ✨🙌  Sometimes manifestations can or maybe  a past life regression or even your blueprint could be causing this in this life time.  Just so you understand it is not your fault.  This is something they are dealing with and projecting.  If you do not live with them it is time to do some energy work for protection and distant yourself.  Your child does not need this kind of programming.  When it starts place your hand on your heart chakra 💕 visualize a mirror stay calm do not get angry so they don't steal your energy.  Silence is golden.  Have the child away from them.  If it gets dangerous ask them kindly to leave.  Tell them that you would appreciate that they do not speak to you or your child and if it continues you will seek protection.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind

https://counselchat.com/therapists/michele-ramey

Honestly, you can't deal with it alone. It sounds like you need resources to physically escape first, that sounds like the immediate issue. Plus, you need a game plan for how you respond to your parents until you leave. You are real! You do know that, right? Like pinch yourself... did you feel that? You are a person, you have feelings, did you know that? How much longer do you want to feel this way? Let's find a way for you to get out and get healthy. You and your child need that! Please find someone who can help you to get the help you need, there are a bunch of therapists here, just waiting to help you, like really help you. The first step is to reach out, through a phone call and leave a VM if they don't pick up or emailing them to schedule a session. Hope this is helpful!

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner

https://counselchat.com/therapists/audrey-oneal-2

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Dr. Melissa ValentinaHonor Yourself and Live Your Truth

https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-melissa-valentina

All you can do/control is work on yourself. When you have enough sense of self, you will know how to deal with your family. Therapy is an investment in yourself, which affects your family.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Gwendolyn Nelson-Terrywww.GwendolynNelsonTerry.com

https://counselchat.com/therapists/gwendolyn-nelson-terry

I am so sorry this is happening to you.  One thought I have is for you to create a mantra or a soothing statement to say over and over to yourself as you are being bombarded with this negativity and abuse.  For example you could say "Living here is temporarily, one day I will have my own place".  Or you could say something like "I am a good person, I am a good parent, and I always try to do the best I can".  Saying this over and over to yourself as you are listening to your parents will help you to tune out some of their words but it will also start to build more positive neural connections and start to wire your brain to build and/or strengthen your self esteem.  Focus on the temporary nature of your situation, start making plans for leaving the situation.  If you are under 18 and can't leave because you are in school, now is a good time to start planning for when you can leave.  That when when the opportunity is available you know how you will get a job, how you will find an apartment, who will provide daycare.   This will make the transition out of your parents home much easier and it will give you something to look forward to while you are in their home.  Take care!

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Kesha MartinLicensed Professional Counselor, NCC, DCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/kesha-martin

Your situation is a difficult one, but I would encourage you to start considering how to set boundaries for yourself and your family members. Often, times we believe we have to allow a certain behavior because a person is family. This is not true. It sounds like you could use some help understanding finding your voice and asserting yourself with your family members.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Carmy Howard, LMHC, DCCChange is possible one session at a time

https://counselchat.com/therapists/carmy-howard-lmhc-dcc

I am so sorry you are experiencing this situation.  Considering that you mentioned not having a place to go, it may be best to address the problem as oppose to “just take all of it”. Confrontation can be done in a healthy and effective way.  Being able to communicate your feelings with the intent of improving the problem can be a great skill needed in multiple settings in life.  The therapy process can help build this skill set and goal plan to remove yourself from the home.  Good luck.

I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore

I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it. I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-get-verbally-abused-everyday-by-my-parents-in-front-of-my-child-and-i-cannot-take-it-anymore

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

When their verbal abuse starts, tell them you are exiting the conversation because the way they're talking to you is unacceptable.Explain you are willing to hear their point of view only not when it is expressed as abuse.They may not agree with your opinion and also may not want to change.Even if they do not change, you are entitled to be treated as a human being who is worthy of respect.Explain your reason to exit the conversation and ask them to write down their requests for you to consider.

If parents are divorced, is it acceptable for a counselor to allow an ex-spouse to be present during a child’s session?

Can a counselor take sides with one parent and allow a parent to order the child to tell the counselor "every detail" about what happened during the other parent’s visitation in order to help build a case for child custody?

https://counselchat.com/questions/if-parents-are-divorced-is-it-acceptable-for-a-counselor-to-allow-an-ex-spouse-to-be-present-during-a-child-s-session

parenting

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

I see a few issues here:First, the age of the child is important.  If the child is considered an "adult" by state law with regard to counseling (states differ on this - the range is typically between age 13 and age 18), no one is allowed to be in the session without the child's consent.Second, ethical and legal standards generally require that a counselor be in the role of a therapist, or in the role of an evaluator, but not both.  This means that a counselor should not generally provide both counseling and offer an opinion regarding who should have custody of a child.Third, knowing the details of any parenting plan or separation agreement is important.  Generally, either parent can consent to counseling for a minor child and can be present during the child’s sessions.  If a court order, parenting plan, or separation agreement specifies that one of the parents has sole decision making authority, then only that parent can consent to counseling for the minor child and only that parent can be present during the child’s sessions.In a situation like this I would strongly recommend seeking out legal advice specific to your state law.

Should I feel guilty if my adult daughter cannot afford to go on a family vacation?

I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-feel-guilty-if-my-adult-daughter-cannot-afford-to-go-on-a-family-vacation

parenting

Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-suraci

I imagine you are trying to figure out a way to be "fair" to your adult kids.  The key word is "adult".  If your daughter can afford to join the family for a vacation that's great, she's welcome to come.  However, as you pointed out she took a vacation by herself last year - she chose to put her resources (time off work and money) into doing that.  Good for her - she did what she wanted.  If she wants to budget time and money for a family vacation she will.As for feeling guilty, let me echo the sentiments already offered - vacations are lovely, but not a survival need.  Your girl is in her 20s and it's her turn to provide for herself.  You did your parenting - now go enjoy your vacation with whoever can, and wants to, join you!

Should I feel guilty if my adult daughter cannot afford to go on a family vacation?

I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-feel-guilty-if-my-adult-daughter-cannot-afford-to-go-on-a-family-vacation

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Of what do you feel you'd be guilty?Family vacations are not a basic human right to existence.  They are fun, ideally.  You're not violating a basic human right.  You wrote that you don't have enough money to pay for her to come along.You may find yourself feeling more guilty toward yourself if you give more than you reasonably can afford to give.My suggestion is to tell your daughter your reason for not taking her along. Maybe this will open more dialogue between the two of you.

If my kids come back from their dad's and act like they are afraid they will get hit, should I be worried about him abusing them?

When they come home from their dad's and I fuss at them for anything, they move like they are dodging being hit. They say they’re sorry over and over really fast. I ask and they say no one has hit them, and I've seen no marks. Am I being paranoid or am I right to be?

https://counselchat.com/questions/if-my-kids-come-back-from-their-dad-s-and-act-like-they-are-afraid-they-will-get-hit-should-i-be-worried-about-him-abusing-them

parenting

Katrina Whitehead MA, LPCCTo provide hope and healing to individuals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/katrina-whitehead-ma-lpcc

This sounds frightening and overwhelming, and I’m glad you are reaching out for help. I can’t say for sure your children are being abused but I can understand your  suspicion since there appears to be a change your children’s behavior. I think it would be important for you to keep an eye on the situation Incase you notice any other changes. If you become more concerned, even  suspicions of child abuse are reportable to  Family protective services. If they feel it is necessary they can do an  investigation. You are doing the biggest thing for your children by being there for them and supporting them.

If my kids come back from their dad's and act like they are afraid they will get hit, should I be worried about him abusing them?

When they come home from their dad's and I fuss at them for anything, they move like they are dodging being hit. They say they’re sorry over and over really fast. I ask and they say no one has hit them, and I've seen no marks. Am I being paranoid or am I right to be?

https://counselchat.com/questions/if-my-kids-come-back-from-their-dad-s-and-act-like-they-are-afraid-they-will-get-hit-should-i-be-worried-about-him-abusing-them

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

I agree w your theory about your kids behaving fearfully means they’ve been w someone who created this feeling in them.It’s possible the father threatens and intimidates, and stops himself from following through w physically harming them.Approach the father the way you feel has the greatest chance of you knowing more.Sometimes indirect questions, like asking how the kids behave around him, how does he generally handle this, are better than “do you hit them?”

If my kids come back from their dad's and act like they are afraid they will get hit, should I be worried about him abusing them?

When they come home from their dad's and I fuss at them for anything, they move like they are dodging being hit. They say they’re sorry over and over really fast. I ask and they say no one has hit them, and I've seen no marks. Am I being paranoid or am I right to be?

https://counselchat.com/questions/if-my-kids-come-back-from-their-dad-s-and-act-like-they-are-afraid-they-will-get-hit-should-i-be-worried-about-him-abusing-them

parenting

Leonard PikaardWhen you're ready, help is here.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/leonard-pikaard

It sounds like your children are walking on eggshells, and behaving in a manner that suggests that (at minimum) they may be receiving an undue amount of anger from someone in their lives. In addition to addressing this delicately with your children's father, it would be wise to speak with your children's teachers and pediatrician as well. Please closely  monitor the situation, and express to your children that they can always come to you with any information, and they will never be in trouble for confiding in you.

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-s-ncc

Depending on your daughter’s age, this could be a learning disability.  I suggest contacting the school counselor and asking for an evaluation, once she is evaluated and depending on the diagnosis, she could be provided with treatment recommendations like occupational therapy, reading glasses, or assistance in class. These and more accommodations are enforced under the 504 act. Consider if the observations that you have done are affecting her performance in school only, or also in other settings.  Observe her behavior and or her emotions and see if they change as well.  Discuss these with your daughter’s counselor as well.¿Tiene mi hija un desorden mental?Mi hija está en la escuela elemental.  Ella no puede colorear dentro de la línea.  Mezcla las palabras cuando escribe, a menos que tenga grandes espacios, o brinca las líneas.Dependiendo de la edad de tu hija esto puede ser un problema de aprendizaje.  Te sugiero que contactes al consejero escolar y solicites una evaluación, dependiendo de la diagnosis, ellos pueden recomendar tratamientos como: terapia ocupacional, lentes para leer o asistencia en clase.   Estos acomodos son provistos bajo la acta 504.  Considera si las observaciones que has hecho afectan el desempeño de tu hija en la escuela, o en otras áreas, también observa su conducta y emociones y repórtaselo al consejero escolar.

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Leonard PikaardWhen you're ready, help is here.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/leonard-pikaard

At times when a child is not displaying milestone behavior at the same rate that is average for their peers, this should raise concern, so you are correct in reaching out for advice. Speaking with your child's pediatrician, as well as school staff may be the first places to start. You can request that she receive an assessment and evaluation, with a subsequent treatment plan to meet any needs she may have.

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Linda AbdelsayedChange is the only constant in life

https://counselchat.com/therapists/linda-abdelsayed

Kids develop in different ways and different speeds. It can sometimes feel like your kid has a delay because of these different ways of development. If you have concerns about your child’s development then addressing it with the school is the best solution. They will be able to provide a full assessment if needed with an academic diagnosis as well as academic support.

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Amy Higgs OTR/L, CLT, CAPSMobile Occupational Therapist: sensory bus for children with ASD, SPD, ADD/ADHD and trauma

https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-higgs-otr-l-clt-caps

Contact your daughter’s school and ask for an occupational therapy evaluation. An occupational therapist can determine if your daughter struggles with eye-hand coordination, visual processing or sensory motor difficulties. The therapist will develop a plan of care if your daughter demonstrates delays or difficulties in learning. OTontheGo.org mobile therapy that comes to you! Accepting most insurance.

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Jennifer MolinariHypnotherapist & Licensed Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/jennifer-molinari

Developmentally, there are ages where not coloring in the lines, writing words that are jumbled together, and leaving big spaces or skipping lines are completely normal.  I have seen children in 3rd and in some cases, 4th grade who do not have learning disabilities write in the manner you have described.  There is, however, a type of learning disability called Dysgraphia which can present in the ways you have described. If you suspect that your daughter might have Dysgraphia, then the best thing to do is to have educational testing done.  You can request testing by going through your school system and asking for an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) meeting.  Your school is required to honor your request for an IEP meeting.  At the meeting, you can ask the school to do educational testing that will be at no cost to you.  I will say that depending on where you live and your school system, it can sometimes be difficult to get the school system to do testing.  If that is the case, you can go to a psychologist or find an agency near you that can also perform this type of testing as well (some will accept insurance and others will not.)  There are also educational advocates that you can hire to help you if you ever have difficulty getting your daughter properly assessed by the school system.  I also highly recommend seeing a developmental ophthalmologist and/or a developmental pediatrician.  They can be great resources in helping you to determine if your daughter does have a learning disability.I always say that a parent should "trust their gut" and if you feel that your child is struggling and that there may be a learning disability then there is no harm in getting your child evaluated.  The best case scenario is that your child is completely on track and what you are seeing is developmentally appropriate.  On the other hand, if your child does have a learning disability, then you have caught it early enough where she can receive services that will help her in the long run. Either way, it is a win, win.

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Rachelle MillerMental health therapist, parent educator, life coach

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rachelle-miller

It sounds like it might be worth asking the school for an evaluation to determine whether your daughter has any learning disabilities such as dysgraphia or dyslexia or seek an evaluation through an educational neuropsychologist.  I would also suggest having her vision checked by a developmental optometrist.

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

If your daughter is the same age as most of the other students in her class, and the other students easily complete the tasks you list here, then there is a problem in the performance of these tasks for your daughter.Without knowing more about the context of your daughter's life, for example, is she a new student to the school and class, are there major stressors in the home environment, does your daughter have friends, does your daughter have the same problems she has in school, when she is in other environments?Also, who is telling you she has these problems?  Are you the one who notices what you describe here or is your daughter or is her teacher telling you these facts?Depending on your answers to the questions, start to get clarity with the classroom teacher and the school guidance counselor as to the source of your daughter's problem.Good luck!

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Mindy RossWe get there together one step at a time.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/mindy-ross

There could be a number of things going on here. For instance, have her eyes been checked by an optometrist? She might just not like writing or coloring. She could be rushing through assignments so that she can spend time with friends, play games, or do something else. She might need some extra help with fine motor skills. What are her grades like? Does she rush through other things like cleaning her room or getting ready for bed?

Does my daughter have a mental disability?

My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.

https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability

parenting

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

It's hard to tell from the information that you were able to provide here, but talk with her elementary school a guidance counselor. Someone working with the school (usually a school psychologist) should be able to evaluate her to see if she needs extra help and to tell you more clearly what may be happening.

My daughter isn't acting her age

My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age

parenting

Manya KhoddamiI aspire to inspire you to tap into your own inner potentials and transform symptoms to strengths.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/manya-khoddami

This is certainly an important issue to look into, It is always helpful to speak with the child's pediatrician since they are most familiar with the child's developmental history. Also, children tend to regress behaviorally when facing events and interactions they feel to have no control over, this can be as simple as a loss of a pet, a recent move, death in the family,  and/or as serious as sexual abuse, and other things. If you have not spoken to the school that can be a good starting point.

My daughter isn't acting her age

My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age

parenting

Leonard PikaardWhen you're ready, help is here.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/leonard-pikaard

Your daughter is fortunate to have an observant parent, who is willing to seek out help in this regard. Regression can be indicative of some stress in your child's life, so the issues she is facing should be examined. Seeking advice from your daughter's pediatrician, as well as a practitioner familiar with adolescent issues or perhaps play therapy can equip you with insight into the causes of the behavior, and give you tools to assist your daughter in learning age appropriate social interactions.

My daughter isn't acting her age

My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age

parenting

Elissa Grossclinical psychologist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/elissa-gross

Hello.It sounds like you are really concerned about your daughter because you have noticed a significant change in her behavior .   It's really a great first step that you are reaching out to get some ideas about what might be going on .  You are clearly an observant and hands on  mom who wants to be sure that her daughter is ok.This is a tough question to answer without more information .  With that said , I have found that "under stress people regress."  In other words , many people , children and adults alike , often regress and behave differently - as if they were younger than their actual age - when under stress .   Therefore , my first question would be : has anything been happening recently that is causing your daughter stress ?  This could be anything from conflict at home , recent changes such as moving , divorce , a loss of some kind , switching schools , or losing a friend or friends .   Additionally , sometimes if children are feeling bullied or left out by same age peers , they may gravitate toward younger playmates as a way to boost their social confidence .    I would suggest that you think about what stressors / changes may have occurred recently.  You may also want to check in with her teacher (s) to see if they have noticed any changes in your daughter's behavior at school .I also think that you can have a conversation with your daughter in order to see if you can get a sense about whether or not something has been bothering her.  Something as simple as " I have noticed that you aren't spending time with the friends you used to hang out with ; it seems like you have been playing with a lot of younger kids lately .  Am I right about that ? " and then if she says yes you might ask a few questions such as : "did something happen with your friends that  is making you not want to be with them?" "Has something been bothering you lately ? Are you feeling upset or worried ? " If she denies that there is anything wrong you might even say " I know that sometimes when I feel stressed or worried , I tend to act a little differently - sometimes I withdraw from my regular group of friends , or I get cranky and feel less like myself .  I wonder if something like that is happening with you ?" If you are really concerned and not getting any answers from her and / or her teachers , perhaps you can consult with a therapist to discuss your concerns further and decide if it might  help for your daughter to talk to a therapist a few times , or at the very least you can get more specific tips from a therapist about how to approach this issue with your daughter more effectively . The more detail you can provide about what you have noticed with your daughter , including any changes or new stressors ,  any possible patterns to this behavior , if school has become more difficult socially and or academically , the more a therapist can guide you about how best to handle your concerns and talk with your daughter in a way that is helpful to her. Good luck!   I believe that this may just be a phase and it seems to me to be well within the normal range of children's behavior.  I do, though, think that you will feel more assured about this  if you can get to the bottom of what's going on .

My daughter isn't acting her age

My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-isn-t-acting-her-age

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Good for you to know your daughter's friendship circles and to notice when these have changed.While friendships are key relationships, they are not the only indicator of someone not developing normally.Is your observation and opinion that your daughter isn't normal based on other factors or just this one?If this is the only factor then start with reflecting on what circumstances may be influencing your daughter to socialize with younger kids.Has she ben ostracized or bullied by her peers and may be retreating to avoid further emotional hurt?Is she keeping up with her school work?Sometimes kids who feel overwhelmed by schoolwork will regress into conditions in which they feel more success and control.Are there family circumstances such as the death of someone with whom your daughter felt close?  Or, is there a new younger sibling in the family or a younger sibling who due to their own circumstance receives more attention than your daughter may wish for herself.Once you've reflected on which areas may be affecting your daughter, gently ask her some questions about her comfort with what you theorize may be the source of the problem.Its also possible that offering her your extra time and interest may increase her sense of self so that she feels secure enough to increase her social time with her age group.

How do I discipline a child with autism?

I am a counselor at day camp where we have a child with severe autism. We try to keep him entertained by carrying cards around for when he starts acting up so we can get him to focus on something else. The day camp administrator has told us not to yell at him because he will zone out and not listen, so we just talk in a calm voice. However, other kids see the treatment as unfair.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-discipline-a-child-with-autism

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Behavioral interaction with someone who has severe autism requires highly specialized training, both for any professional staff involved with the person and for the family members.It is an unfair situation for both the person who has autism as well as the campers who do not, to expect both sides to get along harmoniously.In order to achieve this, the campers would need specialized training to know how to respond to distress in the camper who has autism.This would obviously stretch and burden the summer camp budget as well as provide an activity which usually isn't part of summer camp for children.What you can do which may be productive in helping the camper who has autism, is to point out the interaction difficulty to the summer administrators.Ultimately it is their problem to only take campers who are able to reasonably adjust to socializing together and from what you write, the administration has overreached whom they consider reasonable camper mates.

How can I help my son succeed in life when he refuses it?

When my son was a teenager, we sent him to live with his dad because of the constant disrespectful attitude. A week after he graduated, his dad made him leave because of the same issues. All four parents tried to talk to him, and he just refuses help all around. He is now living with his grandparents. He had a job, and took steps to get his license and an insured vehicle. I thought he was heading down the right road, and then he tells me he quit his job because he didn’t like it. I just don’t know what to do.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-son-succeed-in-life-when-he-refuses-it

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Probably the best way to be supportive of your son is to tell him what bothers you about the way he's handling himself.If you'd like him to work with your suggestions then before you make critical comments be sure to validate his strong points and to recognize his natural talents.People are much more likely to take advice if the person feels the criticism is spoken by someone who respects them and isn't only critical of them.Offer your availability to talk with him if you genuinely feel available to speak with him in a non-judgmental way.

How can I help my son succeed in life when he refuses it?

When my son was a teenager, we sent him to live with his dad because of the constant disrespectful attitude. A week after he graduated, his dad made him leave because of the same issues. All four parents tried to talk to him, and he just refuses help all around. He is now living with his grandparents. He had a job, and took steps to get his license and an insured vehicle. I thought he was heading down the right road, and then he tells me he quit his job because he didn’t like it. I just don’t know what to do.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-son-succeed-in-life-when-he-refuses-it

parenting

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

I admire your efforts. You can continue to offer assistance for your son, but it is ultimately up to him to decide what to do with the information or ideas that you are giving to him.One thing you might try is to ask questions in a way that enables you to learn more about what he is experiencing. For example, if he is willing to talk to you about what he does on a daily basis and/or what he would like to be doing, you may be able to get a sense of what he finds difficult and find some resources to help.I might ask things like this (just as examples):Can we talk for a few minutes about some things that I would like to learn more about?I'm just looking to learn more about what has been happening for you recently and I'm not trying to make you do anything.I know you said you quit your job because you didn't like it. Could you tell me more about what you liked and what you didn't like?Do you see yourself doing the same kind of job in the future?What is it that makes you happy or what is it that you look forward to doing?Can you think of anything that I can do to be of support to you?If he is interested, you may be able to connect him with an area community college to learn more about possible job opportunities.With the way that I wrote the questions above, it probably sounds like it's relatively easy. In reality, it may not be an easy conversation and your son may choose not to discuss it with you. If that's the case, I'd remind yourself that you are trying to do everything you can.

I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth

She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lied-to-my-mom-then-felt-bad-and-told-her-the-truth

parenting

Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-suraci

You felt bad when you lied, so you told the truth.  I imagine your mom was really shocked and upset - both of those things tell me you are a pretty honest person.  It's possible that your mom had a big reaction simply because she has learned that her child, from whom she always assumed honesty, was capable of being dishonest.  That's not awesome, but it's not the end of the world.  You made a mistake - you'll make more of those in your life, just try not to make the same ones over and over again.It sounds like you and your mom are close so I can see why it would feel so awful to have her distrust you.  Since you are a fundamentally honest person, the way back to being trusted is going to be simple, but may take a little time.  The "recipe" is easy - say what you are doing/going to do; do only that unless change is necessary, in which case you inform others involved, and repeat.  And cut yourself some slack.  Your mom will recover and so will you.  It's an important and painful lesson about integrity, but once learned it will serve you well.

I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth

She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lied-to-my-mom-then-felt-bad-and-told-her-the-truth

parenting

Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc

It sounds like you've already learned that just being honest is often the best approach. What do you think about telling your mom how you're feeling?  She might really appreciate it if you also let her know that regaining her trust is really important to you.

I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth

She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-lied-to-my-mom-then-felt-bad-and-told-her-the-truth

parenting

Amy Fortney ParksChild & Adolescent Psychologist, Parent Coach, Educational Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-fortney-parks

Hey! Sounds like the part of you that knows the RIGHT thing to do won here! I am so proud of you for admitting that you lied to your Mom! Sometimes lies come out of our mouths before we can even catch them because we are trying to say what the other person wants to hear. I bet that, as you begin to show her that you are not going to lie any more, she will begin to gain trust in you again! Be open with your feelings with you Mom - she is there to support you, guide you and love you! Give her lots of hugs - and give yourself one too for being so brave! Be Wise!

I don't know what to do about my son's lying

My son stole my debit card and lied about it. It's not the first time he has lied. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should punish him or make him do something. I've tried talking to him and asking if anything was wrong. I have grounded him, but nothing works. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-what-to-do-about-my-son-s-lying

parenting

Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/pamela-suraci

A lot depends on the age of your child, but given that it was a mis-used debit card, I am going to guess he's a teen?  Assuming that, there are a couple of important things to keep in mind...1.  That he lied about the misuse indicates he knows he was in the wrong.  That's a dreadful feeling - getting caught out- and an impulsive lie may have popped out of his mouth before he thought it through (after all a debit spend is pretty easy to track).  2. Once he lied he stuck with the lie.    Somewhere along the line, even though he knew that you knew he wasn't telling the truth, he stuck with his story.  And as you said, it's not the first time he lied.  Now it looks like a habit has formed.Going forward, when there is a dishonest act of any kind, it's essential that you set it up so your son can be truthful.  Simply put, do not ask questions.  If you know for certain that he has, for example, misused your debit card, say so.  Asking "did you" invites him to get creative with denial; asking "why did you" implies that, with a good enough reason, he might not be in hot water with you.  Instead, say what is:  "I see this charge on my debit card and realize you used it without my permission".  (You can only do this if you know for sure it was him but it sounds like you do).  If he meets with denial, stay calm, restate that you are aware this happened.  Then deliver consequences that match the transgression (he has to return the item if it's returnable or find a way to pay you back for the charge as well as any fees incurred in using it).  Make it harder to find your card because he isn't that great at curbing the impulse to use it yet.And most importantly, once the consequence is delivered you have to let it go.  Continuing to bring it up won't benefit him, but it does have the potential to make him more sneaky.  Every time he asks respectfully to use it, whether you allow him to or not, be sure to praise him for asking nicely.  "Catch" him doing it right as often as possible.Hang in there - this isn't super unusual behavior but it isn't acceptable, so address it but don't let yourself get too wound up about it.

I don't know what to do about my son's lying

My son stole my debit card and lied about it. It's not the first time he has lied. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should punish him or make him do something. I've tried talking to him and asking if anything was wrong. I have grounded him, but nothing works. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-know-what-to-do-about-my-son-s-lying

parenting

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Enid, You sound like a sensitive parent; I like that you talked to your son to see if anything is wrong. There is some key information here (I don't know your son's age, whether he spent any money, whether he put the card back, or how many times he's stolen), and my answer might be different depending on those details, but I'll give you my thoughts.I see it as every child's job to figure out the rules and find where their power is in the world. In order to accomplish that, many of them test limits. "What can I get away with?" is a question they have to find the answer to. If a child knows the rules, they're much more likely to not test limits (because they already know the limits). So, part of testing limits is experimenting with stealing and lying. Not all kids steal, but I would say pretty much every child lies at some point. It's a normal behaviour, and most of the time it's about small things that don't matter and we don't even find out. Stealing a debit card is a bit more serious, and I'm not surprised he lied about it. If you absolutely know that he took it, it's okay to tell him that you believe he did this thing and also lied about it. It's appropriate to give a consequence for this type of behaviour, so that the child doesn't do it again. The consequence should be as natural and logical as possible. The behaviour (stealing) was harmful to you, so doing you a favour with extra chores might be a good idea. It's funny, because as parents we try to tell our kids that lying is bad, but they know they'll get a consequence if they tell the truth so there are natural deterrents to being honest (we don't want people to know our mistakes). It's a dilemma. If you really want to focus on the lying part, you can tell him that you won't give him a consequence for the lying if he decides to come clean with the truth within one day. That gives him incentive to come to you with truth. It sometimes works with kids to give them a chance to come clean and then reward them for telling the truth. You can set your child up for success and train them to tolerate honesty. Put a cookie on the counter. Tell your child to take the cookie at some point in the day. Then ask them later if they took the cookie. You're making honesty fun. Kids love games. Basically, there's as much power in rewarding the positive behaviour as punishing the negative. If this is the first serious offence for your son, don't make a big deal of it; consequence him and see if he learns. If it's a pattern, that's different and you may want the input of a therapist.

I'm concerned about my 12 year old daughter

I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter. About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly. Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-concerned-about-my-12-year-old-daughter

parenting

Alexandra Geary-StockLive Confidently!

https://counselchat.com/therapists/alexandra-geary-stock

It is great that you are noticing these changes with your daughter. I can’t offer advice without knowing much more about your particular situation but some things to think about:Has something else happen recently that has been stressful, upsetting?Is your daughter trying to communicate something to you and if so what might that be?Have you discussed these recent changes with her? (Without being too serious or accusatory)There is so much changing for her (and you) now-communication and connection are crucial. I hope you both can talk to a supportive person about all these changes.

I'm concerned about my 12 year old daughter

I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter. About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly. Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-concerned-about-my-12-year-old-daughter

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Have you asked your daughter why she's doing the behaviors you describe?Often the best way to find out why someone does something is to simply ask them their reason.Her answer will give you some guidance as to next possible steps.If she's pretending to be a fantasy figure or trying to find out how being taller feels, or walking on high heels or some other image then knowing this rules out that she has some unbearable pain in her arch which may require more practical answers such as new shoes or even indicate a medical problem.Ask if she's noticed any change in the way she walks.   Maybe she doesn't know she's doing this and maybe she feels embarrassed to tell you she's doing something a bit odd.Since usually 12 year olds don't color, is it new that she started coloring?Maybe given the fact of messy handwriting, she's in a phase of pretending or reflecting on good times as a young child.Then this becomes the topic of examination.Does she feel insecure about being on the cusp of adolescence?Some of these questions can be asked directly and some are for you to first decide based on what you know of your daughter, which questions and what direction to take in understanding your daughter's motivation.

Is it normal to dislike one child?

I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-dislike-one-child

parenting

Catherine HobsonFeelings are clues to growth and meaning

https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hobson

This is your experience, your feeling and you are wondering if it is normal, which means is this common or the rule. This question about how you feel about your third child leads me to believe you are dis- turbed [etymology: agitated or stirred up].  Feelings are messages from our soul or spirit that something is not right.  So, though  it might be normal [common, the rule]  to look forward to a one year olds nap time when you have a three year old a nine year old, the dis- turbance or stirring up in you, is important and requires your attention, your listening, if you will to your higher self.

Is it normal to dislike one child?

I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-dislike-one-child

parenting

Stacey ShapiroRegistered Play Therapist-Supervisor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/stacey-shapiro

This is a common response parents can have.  There are many reasons for attachment disruption.   But attachment is  important for the child as well as your long term relationship with them.    I would want to know more about the history of the child and any stressors you have gone through during the child's lifetime.  Often if there is stress parents will not have the time or energy to attach well to the child.  Sometimes the energy of the child and the parent are mismatched as well.  But whatever is at the core this is something that can be addressed in counseling.  The earlier the better because adult relationships are based on parental relationships we had as children.  Therapy can start at age 3 to address these types of issues.  Visit staceybshapiro.com for more information about getting started.

Is it normal to dislike one child?

I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-dislike-one-child

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Congrats on being honest about the way you feel!Many people state having a favorite child so the reverse would also be possible, of having a least favorite child.Try to understand your own reasons for not liking your youngest child as much as the others.One point to consider is whether it is the child' personality or the way they interact with you which gives you the feeling of not liking this child as much as the others, or does the reason have more to do with younger children requiring more care?Also, do you generally prefer older kids to younger ones?   It is possible the problem will go away as your youngest grows older.Is there another parent in the household who can make up for what you feel unable to naturally give to your youngest?Is it possible you feel your own need to be involved with activities or to have time on your own?   Maybe you simply need a break from constant mothering.Continue to give as much as possible to your youngest child.

How do I kick my stepdaughter out of our house because she isn't honoring boundaries set for her?

She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-kick-my-stepdaughter-out-of-our-house-because-she-isn-t-honoring-boundaries-set-for-her

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Well, first let's identify what factors are involved in the situation about which you wrote.Are you the only decision maker regarding your stepdaughter living with you?Is her dad, and your partner, living under the same roof?Would you feel any obligation to consult with your husband about his opinion and his way of handling the situation?Have you talked with your stepdaughter about your observation and your reaction to the fact of her not honoring your boundaries?Consider too that there will be an effect on the toddler, your grandchild, if you kick out your daughter.Is your daughter financially ready to live on her own and support herself and her child?You certainly have the right to define the terms of what goes on under your roof.It is only fair to everyone that as many variables as possible, be considered.The conclusion may be that it is in everyone's best interest for your stepdaughter to move out.If everyone feels respected and a well thought out plan is developed, then the least amount of hurt and stress, and the most amount of happiness, will be possible from this change.

How do I kick my stepdaughter out of our house because she isn't honoring boundaries set for her?

She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-kick-my-stepdaughter-out-of-our-house-because-she-isn-t-honoring-boundaries-set-for-her

parenting

Valerie Saisi, NCC, LPCParenting, Child, and Family Therapist

https://counselchat.com/therapists/valerie-saisi-ncc-lpc

This is something you will have to discuss with your husband.  It should be a joint decision if you value your marriage.  You can mention your frustration about your stepdaughter not honoring boundaries.  After you talk to your husband you both can have a talk with your stepdaughter about expectations in order to stay living in the house.  When it comes to stepchildren you need to be very careful you do not take the lead on the authority part.  It should be the biological parent.

How do I kick my stepdaughter out of our house because she isn't honoring boundaries set for her?

She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-kick-my-stepdaughter-out-of-our-house-because-she-isn-t-honoring-boundaries-set-for-her

parenting

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

It may be helpful to first have a discussion about what you are expecting and put a timeframe on it that if she is not doing certain things by a certain date, she will have to leave. If you don't know where she can go, there is probably a list of shelters for the county that you live in.

How do I address my nephew's sexual behavior?

My step nephew, a preteen, has begun masturbating. I also had to take away the internet because he was caught looking up porn. I’m worried about him.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-address-my-nephew-s-sexual-behavior

parenting

Ruby Booth

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ruby-booth

Your nephew's behavior sounds normal and developmentally appropriate.  Masturbation is a healthy expression of sexuality.  Most families to create some rules about where it's ok to masturbate-- for example, stating that it should be done in the privacy of the child's own room.  I'm wondering if you or another adult in his life have talked to him about his developing sexuality?  It seems like that would help him and you handle his increasing maturity.

How do I help my 5 year old from horrible tantrums caused by a bully at school?

We have tried gentle talking, counting to calm her and talking about it, sending her to her room and then trying to talk when she’s calmer, and now calisthenics. However, nothing is working.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-5-year-old-from-horrible-tantrums-caused-by-a-bully-at-school

parenting

Emily ForsytheHelping clients be their most authentic selves

https://counselchat.com/therapists/emily-forsythe

There's two things this post relays - one, which I'm sure you've already looked into - is working with the school to address this problem. Sure, sometimes kids don't get along, but most schools look at bullying seriously, and this sounds serious. The other, though, is additional tools to consider to help your daughter. If you haven't already read Greene's Explosive Child, you might give it a shot. While it's a little preachy, many of the tools are wonderful and can help parents navigate tantrums. https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0062270451 Another tool that can redirect a child that's losing it is a task. If her tantrums, say, involve throwing things, maybe she's in charge of throwing all the sticks and acorns off the driveway into the garbage bin. Ie: 'Hey Jenny, you seem really angry right now, let's use all that energy and get some work done!' Go with her, throw with her, even - if possible - making a game out of getting the acorns into the bin from a distance. I wish you all the best~

I feel stuck in life. What can I do?

I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-stuck-in-life-what-can-i-do

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Financial stability is probably a good place to start your new life project.If your partner doesn't work or doesn't contribute his money to the household bills, then maybe you are eligible  for some type of stipend from the government.Especially since you have kids the child welfare service may intervene to help you.  Sometimes too, a partner who is unwilling to pay for their kids' wellbeing may be pressured by child welfare to make regular contributions to you and your kids.I''m glad you are thinking of your needs and those of your kids.  This is the philosophy which will show you what road to follow so all three of you are in a secure financial place.

I feel stuck in life. What can I do?

I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-stuck-in-life-what-can-i-do

parenting

Marquita JohnsonLPC, MDiv, NCC, DCC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/marquita-johnson

I would want to know where do you put your needs? Often times we show people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. First identify how to practice good self care which can only happen when you are authentic and real about your needs and desires. You cannot pour from an empty cup and must take find the time to explore your purpose in life. It may be helpful to seek out additional support to work on your intrapersonal relationship.

What do I do if my 7 year old says she want to kill herself?

My daughter was overly tired and throwing a fit at her grandparent's house. She wanted to come home at midnight and cried screamed said she said she hated her grandma and that she wanted to kill herself! We also have a new baby in the house i didn't know if this would contribute to this. How should I approach this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-if-my-7-year-old-says-she-want-to-kill-herself

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

You wrote a very full family context w many directions to examine.Do you know or can you find out what the grandma and your daughter were doing in the evening of the screaming episode?Is it possible the grandma abuses your daughter, or tells her scary stories, watches scary movies.  These are only suggestions of some problem between grandma and your daughter.Also, ask your daughter directly why she wants to kill herself and what' killing herself" means.   Seven year olds don't have a concept of death being a forever condition.  Seven year olds don't have a sense of future meaning besides liking/disliking them.   Maybe the new baby is a factor.  Do you feel this is a factor?   Trust your intuition to tell you if your daughter is resentful of your new baby.Even if she is, I doubt a seven year old has the capacity to connect current unhappiness with the intention of a future action, including suicide.

What are the long term effects of losing one's adopted mother?

The birth mother attempted suicide several times while pregnant. The adopted mother was terminally ill upon adopting the baby and died when the child was just over one year old. The adopted father then remarried to a physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive woman. The child was placed in foster care at 11 years old. What might be the long term effects on an adult with this childhood history?

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-are-the-long-term-effects-of-losing-one-s-adopted-mother

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

The true answer is, "no one can really say with certainty".The variables are the way this child absorbs and adjusts to these significant changes in their life.  All anyone can do is guess at this point and there's no good reason to guess.The only general certainty is that the adult whom this child becomes will have had a profound encounter with the biggest types of human losses a child can go through.Some people become great teachers, therapists and philosophers who have this background.  Some give up on life and hide away from others.The best anyone could do who knows this child is to offer love bc this is the greatest guarantee to show there are good people on this earth.

Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment?

My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-healthy-to-embarrass-a-child-as-punishment

parenting

Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson

Parents are to teach discipline to children, not punishment.   Punishment is another word for wanting to cause hurt.  There is a different in discipline and punishment.  Punishment could have long term affects on a child's self image and growth.  It can lead to others issues such as bullying from peers as well.  Whatever your grandson has done, there is a much better way of getting him to understand that his actions are not acceptable.  Punishment is not one them.  Encourage the step-mother to build a positive relationship with him, this way he will learn to respect and trust her.  His actions would improve.  She may need to attend a parenting class for blended families.

Is it healthy to embarrass a child as punishment?

My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment.

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-healthy-to-embarrass-a-child-as-punishment

parenting

Candice LawhornOnline & Text Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-lawhorn

Absolutely not! It is never in a child's best interest to use humiliation as punishment. This can lead to issues in the relationship between parent and child as well as the child's social relationships. Kids have a hard enough time. To then go and cause them embarrassment is unconscionable. The entire job of a parent is to prepare their child to become a successful, healthy adult. You do this by using healthy ways to teach a child when they make a mistake. Discipline shouldn't be seen as punishment. It should be seen as a way to teach a lesson. What lesson could this possibility be teaching him? Absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, she is most likely damaging her relationship with him and causing great distress in his school day and peer interactions. She should be one of the people he can come to when he's hurting; not someone who causes him pain.

How do I tell one parent I want to live with the other one?

I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me. How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-one-parent-i-want-to-live-with-the-other-one

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Yes, from what you wrote, your dad doesn't accept responsibility for the way he feels and blames you for his feelings.I'm glad you recognize he's handling himself less as a grown person and more like a young child.I also understand your hurt and frustration that your father handles himself in a way which shows for now that he is unwilling to respect your wishes.Your decision is not surprising since most people wouldn't want to live with a parent who shows little interest to respect their kids' decisions.In terms of how to tell him your choice, do this in simple and most basic information terms.   "I've decided for now to live w mom".I suggest to not offer reasons to him bc he doesn't seem interested in hearing them.   Giving him reasons would likely trigger him to rebut them.If he asks questions, answer them as simply as possible.If and when you feel he is more willing to understand and know you, then you'd feel more free to have genuine dialogue with him.Right now he doesn't seem very ready to handle this.

How do I tell one parent I want to live with the other one?

I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me. How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-one-parent-i-want-to-live-with-the-other-one

parenting

Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker

There is a lot of information that needs to be filled in first. So what the custody arrangement? Does your dad have full custody? Is the custody shared? What does your mom think about the situation? Is she willing to go to bat for you?What is your age? Usually you have the right to choose based on age requirements set by the state.Legally you can't be kept away from your mom unless there is some legal complications that prevent it.Is your father abusive and should you seek protection?Many details need to be filled in.You can seek counseling without your parents approving or knowing, depending on your age.Find counseling through school or local agencies.You have rights and one of those is the right to choose.

What can I do about my children blaming me for their addictions?

I have three children: a biological daughter, a stepdaughter, and a stepson. I found out my stepdaughter overdosed today. My daughter blames me. I told her to stay out of it. I'm scared of all three kids now. They all blame me for their choices they made. All three have drug addictions. I had a stroke in 2013 so I need to depend on people from now on.

https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-children-blaming-me-for-their-addictions

parenting

2nd Chance Counseling Service Online Addiction Therapy ProviderConvenient Online Addiction Therapy

https://counselchat.com/therapists/2nd-chance-counseling-service-online-addiction-therapy-provider

Blaming others is one of our greatest coping mechanisms.  It is not just for addiction, and often we blame the ones closest to us.  You can not stop them from blaming you, you can stop yourself for taking on the burden.  We are all in charge of the choices we make.  No one makes us do something other than our self.  We choose how we internalize and react to situations.  I would find a good therapist who understands family dynamics and addiction to help you cope with your current environment and help you move forward.

I want help with how to deal with my abused daughter

She refuses to talk to me and told my mom (her grand mother) that she is remembering things from the past. I don't know what to do. My daughter blames me and swears she hates me. My parents say I should just let my daughter live with her dad, but I don't see how I could fix things if I only see her every other weekend. What should I do?

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-want-help-with-how-to-deal-with-my-abused-daughter

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Sorry to hear about your high degree of stress.How old is your daughter?Who abused yours daughter?The answers make a difference to your decision.Obviously if the father was the abuser, then unless your ex demonstrates to you and you believe, he will not abuse her, your daughter should stay with you.If someone other than the father was the abuser and the father has a good relationship with your daughter, then it is possible that the time away from your household will give each of you time away from arguing with one another.What does your daughter tell you she wants?Her wishes must be considered too.Relationships can be fixed.   Sometimes being apart helps this process because the two people each have time to reflect more deeply on what they value about the other.

How can I deal with my daughter's rebellious behavior?

She's a teenager, and for the last two years, she's lived with her older brother. She's angry because she wants to come live with me, but my current living situation is not the best for her. She refuses to see any reason. She's being disrespectful. Her sexual curiosity is waking up.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-daughter-s-rebellious-behavior

parenting

Sarah McIntyreSarah McIntyre, M.Ed., LPC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre

You're her mom and she needs you.  I would suggest focusing on connection.  Since you are not currently living together, one way to do this would be to plan a date in which she gets to decide what you do together.  Give her time to think about what she wants to do.  As long as the activity is safe and affordable, try to do it, even if it's not your thing.  While you are with her, turn off the phone and give her your undivided attention.  The goal would be just for you to enjoy each other and connect.

How do I quit letting little things bother me and be the mom that my kids deserve?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-quit-letting-little-things-bother-me-and-be-the-mom-that-my-kids-deserve

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

What you call "little things" may only seem little in general and to you are quite meaningful, either in fact or because the little things represent much more serious matters in your life.Take your own feelings seriously.Track the timeline of what is going on around the time you feel bothered by little things.   Also notice how you're feeling around the time you're feeling bothered.These two indicators may show you patterns of when and to what you are especially sensitive.For example, if you usually feel bothered at the end of a pressured day then take care to arrange as far as possible, relatively unstimulated and quiet surroundings around this sensitive time.If your kids are of the age at which they have language skills, then you can also take some pressure off yourself and them by explaining your inner state of mind in general terms.People, including kids, always do better with more information than not knowing what is going on in their lives.

How do I quit letting little things bother me and be the mom that my kids deserve?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-quit-letting-little-things-bother-me-and-be-the-mom-that-my-kids-deserve

parenting

Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals

https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch

Well, my first question was whether these are truly little things or things you really think the attention.If they're really small things that you actually want to let go, try looking at it on a continuum  of things that really get attention (or correction) and things that really don't – and everywhere in between. Looking at this on a scale 1 to 10 or 1 to 100 may be helpful.Another thing to do is consider trying to look at the world through their eyes. You may have a better way of explaining things so that they learn from the correction that you try to give them rather than repeating yourself.Also recall that parenting working always have what they're looking for (permissive) is not usually helpful, just as the middle ground (authoritative) is better than very strict (authoritarian), according to most research.You could also consider coming up with some affirming phrases for yourself, such as "it's okay for this to happen" or "I know they're not always going to get it right" or "I know that I can't always make them change overnight."This can be a really tricky balance to find and I recommend seeing a local mental health professional if increased awareness of different levels is not helpful to you.

How do I quit letting little things bother me and be the mom that my kids deserve?

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-quit-letting-little-things-bother-me-and-be-the-mom-that-my-kids-deserve

parenting

Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant

https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong

Gratitude. Overly simplified, but that's the trick. When you can let in and celebrate the good stuff everything will start to find more balance. Our brains are fine tuned to focus on and highlight all the icky ugly stuff and file it away to try and avoid it in the future. We don't process the good stuff in the same way. It's left over from our ancestral days when we needed to survive the saber tooth tiger but it doesn't always work so well these days. Slowing down and being mindful of the little things, celebrating the tiniest details of what works...that's how you counter act that stuff. Check out my connectfulness.com/blog you may find some more tidbits there that help you shift gears.

Should my step-daughters be told that their step-father has a child pornography addiction?

My husband’s ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband’s ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-my-step-daughters-be-told-that-their-step-father-has-a-child-pornography-addiction

parenting

TINA R. DODSON

https://counselchat.com/therapists/tina-r-dodson

If the daughters are old & mature enough to understand substance abuse.  They should be told for their own empowerment. KNOWLEDGE is their power of safety and protection.

Should my step-daughters be told that their step-father has a child pornography addiction?

My husband’s ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband’s ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-my-step-daughters-be-told-that-their-step-father-has-a-child-pornography-addiction

parenting

Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus

The information from the other therapists here is sound and prudent. There are what sounds to be real legal (is this man a RSO [registered sex offender]; is he prohibited from being in proximity to minors? use/possession of child porn violates any # of state and federal statues...) and safety issues at play here. Your husband's daughters have an immediate "need to know" and this can be done developmentally-contextual, factually and in a non-shaming fashion. I would further counsel that you and your husband (his daughters welfare is at stake) seek immediate legal counsel. The ex-wife here seems to be between a "rock and a hard place" of her own creation -- she desperately needs care, treatment for herself. Resources for Your Consideration: 1) http://www.missingkids.com/home; 2) https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography

Should my step-daughters be told that their step-father has a child pornography addiction?

My husband’s ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband’s ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.

https://counselchat.com/questions/should-my-step-daughters-be-told-that-their-step-father-has-a-child-pornography-addiction

parenting

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Lorain, you're correct that your husband's ex-wife is (seriously) minimizing this problem. I have a very strong opinion here. In my book, the safety of children trumps potentially insulting or hurting the feelings of adults. Of course the girls should be told, because they have the right to know. Their voice is not the only one I'm concerned about here though. I believe your husband has the right to insist that his daughters be in a safe home, and there is clear evidence this man is not safe. This woman is putting her own comfort (she simply doesn't want to deal with her partner's situation, her own fears, or anyone else's needs) above the safety of two vulnerable girls. Honestly, if it was me, my kids wouldn't be even visiting that home with that man present, "repented" or not. It's not worth the risk. If she decides to stay with him, the natural consequence of having a known perpetrator in your home is not having access to vulnerable children in that same home.

My daughter won't stop stealing and lying

Her father and I have been dealing with this problem for quite some time now. She is an adolescent, and the problem is mostly food. She is now overweight, and we just don't know what to do anymore. She can be disrespectful and doesn't listen to or respect what we say.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-won-t-stop-stealing-and-lying

parenting

Nicole StoneAnxiety, relationship crisis, and the separation/divorce experience.

https://counselchat.com/therapists/nicole-stone

I would be curious about there potentially being some emotional or physical trauma in your daughter's history that she is struggling with. Physical trauma is usually easier to identify, but emotional trauma can be feeling a lack of emotional connection in her important relationships, having experienced bullying, or some other emotional injury. The fact that there are some defiance symptoms going on suggests that she might be in need of a safe place to process what she's going through, and the potential issue with control or meeting emotional needs with food is also concerning. I would recommend looking for a therapist/counselor who works with children/adolescents in the area of addressing trauma for an assessment. They may be able to ask the right questions to see whether trauma is truly the issue.

Is it strange that a male family member always want to play with my toddler daughter?

https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-strange-that-a-male-family-member-always-want-to-play-with-my-toddler-daughter

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

Without knowing the male family member's reason for always wanting to play with your toddler, yes, it is strange.Find out if the person has a reason for his preference and what this is.Are they studying child development in school and observing your toddler in order to write a paper?Is your male family member very shy or doesn't care for the other people in the household and plays with your toddler as a way to avoid this?You don't have to ask this one, simply observe and add this to what you already know about the person.If no clear and respectable reason exists for your male family member's preference to play with your toddler, then I would definitely not allow the two of them to be alone together.

How can I improve my relationship with my daughter?

Me and my adult daughter just do not get along. She's very belittling to me when I don't agree with her. It's almost like she scolds me. We get into all out war. She's said I don't support her in what she does and that I've never loved her. She calls me horrible names, and she pushes my buttons to the point I call her names.

https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-improve-my-relationship-with-my-daughter

parenting

Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW

https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw

As frustrating and probably hurtful as your daughter's comments sound, there's also a message in them about how she genuinely feels.To some degree, your daughter and you may both feel similarly misunderstood by the other.Developing ways of listening and talking to one another to better understand how you each feel, would probably help a lot.One major point to be aware, is that the mother/daughter relationship dynamic, because it is strong, may slow the new dynamic of relating as two adults.Watch for your own tendency to expect your daughter to consider you as a parenting authority, instead of considering her as a grown person.The same is true of your daughter.  She may need to remind herself to talk to you as the adult she is.Her needs from you are real, they just need to be spoken to you in an adult way.

Our grandson wants to talk to his estranged mom

We are the legal guardianship of our grandson. He has been acting out, and he wants to talk to his mom that has not talked to him since before last year. How are we to handle this?

https://counselchat.com/questions/our-grandson-wants-to-talk-to-his-estranged-mom

parenting

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Boone, This depends a lot on his age and the situation. The younger the child is, in general, the more I would see this as your decision, not his. A child of any age should be listened to carefully about these matters, but just because a child has unresolved issues about a parent doesn't necessarily mean that having contact is a good solution. Some questions... Was the parent harmful to the child? Is the parent likely to be harmful to the child? How likely is it to be a positive experience? Do you have any contact with the parent? You may want to speak with the parent first to determine whether they are in a stable enough place to allow this to happen.  I would start by asking the child more about what is on his mind. What does he want to get out of a visit with the parent? Is it to see them and know the parent is okay, to get an apology, to apologize for a perceived hurt, to have regular contact, to find out if they are loved...? What does he hope mom or dad might do or say in the visit? There are many possible goals this child might have in mind. This will give you a sense of what's missing for the child; what need are they trying to fill. Once you know the need, try to determine the likelihood of that need being met successfully through contact.Once you determine the risk of the child's need not being met, then you decide whether it makes sense.  The older the child, the more able they are to determine this with you or for themselves. There are other options than a face-to-face. He can write to his mom or dad, text or email. It's likely that the child is looking for a sense that he is loved, wanted, worth some effort. When a child is separated from a parent, they tend to blame themselves. Whether he sees the parent or not, he will need extra love, attention and support than a child who has two loving, present parents. I wish him the best and I'm grateful for the love and support you continue to give your grandson. You're very special!

My daughter calls me crazy, and I’m not sure how to handle that

I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don’t deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I’m not sure how to handle this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-calls-me-crazy-and-i-m-not-sure-how-to-handle-that

parenting

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Arkansas, Your situation sounds like a case of parental alienation. Your ex-partner unfortunately has the power to say things to your children that poison their relationship with you. It's a form of woman abuse and child abuse. He's likely doing this to hurt you and have power over you, and he's not considering how it's affecting the kids. I've seen this happen in many families; parents who once had a strong loving relationship with their children suddenly feel abandoned in favor of the other parent. In some cases, children actually stop having contact with one parent, who is left bewildered and powerless. It's your ex's job to support your relationship with your kids, not try to destroy it. While you can't change his behaviours, and I think you know that, there are things you can do for yourself and your kids. For your children, you can refuse to enter into the war he's setting up. He's trying to provoke you into acting "crazy", but you don't have to fall for this. If you run around screaming "he's lying!", it only makes you look more 'crazy'. Try to stay calm, and don't put their dad down to them, no matter how tempting it is. One day, they may be ready to hear the truth of your relationship with their father, but wait until they ask. Trust that they have their own experience of their dad, and trust that he doesn't have the power to destroy their love for you. Children, in the long term, lose respect for parents who denigrate the other parent. They see who their dad is already, I'd bet, but they don't know how to cope with that. If he's the only one fighting a war, you're helping them feel less trapped in a parental conflict. Don't engage on his level. Don't blame your children completely. Although I have to say that for them to call you names like crazy is not acceptable and you don't need to tolerate that disrespect, try to deal with this behaviour without bringing their dad into it. They are acting out their father's agenda, likely because they instinctively see his weakness. Children often support the weaker parent, rather than abandon them. You get the worst because they trust your love. But you can still have boundaries. Letting them abuse you isn't the answer, but have compassion for their position. This picture isn't their fault, but as adults, they can be held accountable for their choices.Reassure yourself that you are the mom you know you are. You don't need them to gush all over you in order to know that you made sacrifices. Hold onto the likelihood that some day, they will come back and be grateful. It may take a while, you can't rush it, but they will see you for who you are. Your power is in giving them a consistently calm, generous, connected, supportive mom who refuses to play games or be walked on. I'd recommend trying to connect with other parents who experience this phenomenon, or a therapist who can reinforce these goals and help keep you grounded. Good luck!

My daughter calls me crazy, and I’m not sure how to handle that

I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don’t deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I’m not sure how to handle this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-calls-me-crazy-and-i-m-not-sure-how-to-handle-that

parenting

Madison Van Meter

https://counselchat.com/therapists/madison-van-meter

Hi, I understand what you're going through. Your daughters favor him because he has done no wrong in their eyes. Im guessing they lived with you? Growing up I was the same way.. I favoured my dad, thinking he has done no wrong. He also abused my mother multiple times, and that never came to mind. kids like their other parent more mainly because they don't see them everyday, and they usually buy them everything they want, because all he does it pay child support (by force) and then spoil their kids to make them happy. You seem like a great mom, don't doubt yourself.

My daughter calls me crazy, and I’m not sure how to handle that

I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don’t deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I’m not sure how to handle this.

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-daughter-calls-me-crazy-and-i-m-not-sure-how-to-handle-that

parenting

Bridget BorsdorfMA, LPC

https://counselchat.com/therapists/bridget-borsdorf

It sounds really difficult to know that your daughter may be "choosing" her dad over you, perhaps I can help by saying her intense emotional reactions towards you actually acknowledge how much safer and connected she feels towards you. We tend to have big emotions around those we care for most. I would suggest to let her know how hard it is to hear that, and sad it make you feel at times, and that this is hard for everyone. Expressing your feelings to here, will allow her to express hers too.

I feel like there is a wedge between my daughter and I

We live with my ex-partner’s sister and her husband. We have been there for five years now. They are Hispanic and talk to my daughter in their language. Sometimes they overstep their balance between aunt and uncle and reach into my role as a parent. They neglect to see this. I do, and it reflects in my child's behavior. She sees them as stable but is upset that her dad isn't here, and my intuition tells me she blames me to a degree because she doesn't know about his alcohol addictions.

https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-there-is-a-wedge-between-my-daughter-and-i

parenting

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi New York, I'm happy to hear that your daughter doesn't know about her dad's addictions. Although you don't say how old she is, and I imagine that at some point in her life she will be ready to know the truth, I trust your instinct that now is not the time. Your ability to have clear boundaries about what is adult conversation and what is suitable for a child to know are really important here, and I can tell you're being appropriately protective and a thoughtful parent. As much as this helps your daughter, I sense that you also know you can't take away the emotional pain that comes from having an absent parent. Children tend to blame themselves for a parent's absence. These children need extra love and support wherever they can get it.You say that you feel like there is a wedge between you and your daughter. I understand that having your ex partner's relatives in the same home would make it uncomfortable at times. It is very important to establish boundaries; only you should parent your daughter, but it's also natural for people to want to assist you. Let's trust that their intentions are good, if there is no evidence to the contrary. As much as they support you, they also  have emotional ties to your daughter's father. While there is potential for discomfort in this complex situation, there are also many positive factors here that I invite you to see.I don't know what your culture is, but for your daughter to have the opportunity to preserve her father's heritage language and a relationship with his family are potentially wonderful additions to her life. In general, the more adults around loving and supporting a child, the better. It could be that you are feeling threatened by small moments where there appears to be a special connection between your daughter and her father's family. Nothing anyone else does can take your daughter's love from you. My hope for you is that you can feel so secure in your own position as loving mother that you will not feel intimidated by other positive connections your daughter has. They are potentially wonderful connections, and she deserves your support in maintaining those relationships if they don't harm her.I suggest that the most important alliances to work on here are between you and your ex's family. If you could all give your daughter the gift of a healthy, united supportive and loving safety net for her...that's the best outcome of all.

My brother's ex-girlfriend doesn't want her son to see us anymore

My brother just broke up with his girlfriend. While they were dating for the past two years, her son spent the weekends with me and my mother. Now she doesn't think her son should have any interaction with us. How should we approach the situation? Is she doing the right thing for her child?

https://counselchat.com/questions/my-brother-s-ex-girlfriend-doesn-t-want-her-son-to-see-us-anymore

parenting

Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT

https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario

Hi Tampa, I get that this is a loss for all of you; you have bonded with this child as a result of the significant time you have spent with him. He's a lucky boy to have had you all taking care of him. Certainly, it seems that his mother might not be making the best decision for her son; if you are willing to maintain the relationship, it would be good for him to still have that contact. In my book, the more people loving a child, the better. But, ultimately, she has the right to make these decisions. To oppose her won't likely do any good. You can focus on grieving this relationship and supporting your brother through his loss as well.