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347,712 | Someone encourage me to kill myselfI need someone to encourage me to kill myself. I’m ready to go. I’m all ready too kill myself, too, I just need someone to set me free. | suicide |
347,713 | I'm fed upI'm fed up with all this world, it's people, it's shittiness. My plan is for this Sunday and to go with the Sunrise in one of my favorite places. It's been a struggle these last days and getting to it, is going to be a incredible challenged. I almost did it tonight, filled the tub, brought my knife in, ready to go. I don't have any freinds aside from 3 and I had to call twice, if he hadn't picked up the second time, as much as I wouldn't want to hurt my parents and family by dying at home, I'd be gone.
I'm so tired, so sad, so hurt
I'm just done with it all. I wrote my note and it doesn't have any of the contempt in it as I didn't want my parents feeling like I'm angry or whatnot. I just
I just don't know anymore. Help me
because nothings f- working
and I'm so tired and scared and sorry and sad.
Please.
Cause it's happenening , one way
or another
Edit: nothings fucking worth it anymore, I don't believe or feel I have value worth , matter anything. I'm not contributing, I'm not advancing, I'm dying so might as well just get to the point cause it's not getting better. I'm just dragging this on | suicide |
347,714 | (29m) Keep thinking of cutting/shooting my wristsI’ve been severely depressed for about two months now. I’ve been here before, I know what it’s like, but for some reason this hole seems deeper than the last ones. I’ve had suicidal ideation in the past, but that’s it, just suicidal thoughts.. “kill yourself” “I’m going to kill myself” “you should kill yourself” etc. . This time around I keep thinking of slashing or shooting my wrists. I know it’s not as bad as other means, Once or twice the idea of putting a gun to my head has cropped up, but the thought gives me intense fear. It just scares me that my ideations have turned to either cutting or shooting my wrists.
I’ve even started thinking of just cutting myself in general. I just want to feel something. I’ve never cut in the past, but the idea of it has been on my mind.
I know I should probably be in therapy again, but Jesus is it hard with COVID.
My support network is ok, not the best, full of people who would pretty much just overreact.
I don’t want to kill myself, but the thoughts are just so pervasive at this point that I don’t know what to do to curb them. Does anyone have any advice? | suicide |
347,717 | Fuck life Man I hate life and I’m thinking about offing myself. My parents treat me like shit and when I’m feeling down tell me I’m weird for not wanting to socialize with them and that that’s the cause of why I feel like this. My brother is the youngest and has sense of regret and just makes fun of me all day and I’m really tired of it. None of my friends respond when I text, hence why I’m posting to reddit. So that only leaves me with you guys to talk to. I can’t smoke anymore cuz my sister fucking ratted me out and now I’m really just spiraling downwards. I just don’t wanna live anymore and I can’t tell my parents cuz my sister went through the same shit and my mom threatened to put her in a mental hospital with round the clock surveillance. I just don’t know what to do. I want it to end. | non-suicide |
347,718 | Its been a year since I joined reddit I've seen a lot here thank you guys | non-suicide |
347,719 | bananabananananananananananananananan :) | suicide |
347,720 | I might OD on my asthma prescription pills(Sorry if this is posted in the wrong sub I just need a place to talk)
I’m 14 and have a pretty crappy home life which is normal to me, but today I came home to find that my younger siblings had torn apart every inch of my room. My sketchbook was ripped, all my painting are lost, and I really tried to do my homework but even that was ripped up and now I’m getting an F tomorrow in class. All the things I truly cared about were ripped up and my paints/charcoals were gone I feel so destroyed and can’t stop crying. My mom didn’t even do anything but shrug it off. My dad gave told them “Don’t do that,” in a normal voice which is the opposite of what he does to me if I mess something up. He’d get very physical and verbal with threats and hurtful comments, but to them, because they’re boys, apparently they’re ‘better’ in his eyes, I guess.
And I replied to him in a ‘tone’ which set him and my mother off into a yelling frenzy. I don’t even get it, this is the first time in a LONG time I’ve said anything in an attitude way. I never use attitude, and when I just say something my mom makes me shut up because apparently I’m too attitudey. Sorry for watching your kids 24/7. Sorry for cleaning the whole house up and down. Sorry for waking up at 2 A.M. to help around. Sorry for living on a budget at 14 because you always talk about money in front of me and make it my fault if I spend a dime on something. Sorry for almost cutting myself. Sorry for not having a social life because you don’t let me go anywhere and say why am I always on my phone.
Sorry for being born. I can’t take it anymore. What’s the point of living? | suicide |
347,723 | Upcoming appointment with doctor(18 M) Okay so in about 20 days I have an appointment with my doctor. The appointment is an evaluation for setting up a meet with a psychiatrist. (It has to go through my doctor) Anyways, during this appointment I would have to address my problems and difficulties to see if im qualified of sort. Im worried how my honesty would affect this situation, and my bond with said doctor is not a strong one. I've been suicidal for several years, 1 attempt, several notes and its been a mess. Almost all of 2018 to today has been filled with suicidal and other intrusive thoughts on the daily. I won't bore you with details of my problems but im scared this will go south (hospital/mental health clinic) Basically what can I say and what should be left out ?. I dont want family finding out im severly suicidal. I have major trust problems so im looking for some feedback here if possible.
Note that im living in scandinavia.
feel free to ask me questions or vent.
Thanks for any feedback and/or questions. | suicide |
347,725 | (x-post r/depression) how do you cope?Its been almost a year since my last post. Here I am in almost am identical situation, listening to music drinking my night away. I feel like I've done nothing and cant move forward. Everyday is a struggle to tread water. Sometimes the only thing keeping me afloat is my guilt for what it would do to those around me. I don't know what to do. | suicide |
347,726 | why is it so hard to kill yourselfdid my fifth attempt today and i can’t even succeed at fucking hanging myself. been prepping and researching for weeks now and can’t stand being here any longer | suicide |
347,727 | 2020 Voting Information Some of us will be voting for the first time this year. I cannot emphasize enough how important is you vote if you can. Down below you can find the deadline for voting registration in every state, whether you can register online, and other important information.
Alabama
In Person: 15 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 15 days before Election Day.
Online: 15 days before Election Day.
Alaska
In Person: 30 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day. If this falls on a Sunday, postmarked 31 days before Election Day.
Online: 30 days before Election Day.
Arizona
In Person: 29 days before Election Day, or on the next immediate business day if the deadline falls on a legal holiday or weekend.
By Mail: Postmarked 29 days before Election Day, or on the next immediate business day if the deadline falls on a legal holiday or weekend.
Online: 29 days before Election Day.
Arkansas
In Person: 30 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day. If this falls on a Sunday, postmarked 29 days before Election Day.
Online: N/A
California
In Person: 15 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 15 days before Election Day.
Online: 15 days before Election Day.
If the voter registration deadline has passed, you can still conditionally register to vote and cast a provisional ballot in person at your County Elections Office at any time up to and including Election Day. Your provisional ballot will be counted when your County Elections Official verifies your voter registration.
Conditional registration may also be available in County Elections satellite offices and vote centers.
Colorado
In Person: Election Day.
By Mail: Received 8 days before Election Day.
Online: 8 days before Election Day.
You can register and cast a ballot up through Election Day by appearing in-person at a Voter Service and Polling Center during the Early Voting period or on Election Day. Contact your Local Election Office if you have any questions.
Connecticut
In Person: 7 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 7 days before Election Day.
Online: 7 days before Election Day.
If the voter registration deadline has passed, you can still register to vote in person at a designated Election Day Registration office. Contact your Local Election Office if you have any questions.
Delaware
In Person: 24 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 24 days before Election Day.
Online: The fourth Saturday before Election Day.
District of Columbia
In Person: Election Day, with proof of residency.
By Mail: Received 21 days before Election Day.
Online: 21 days before Election Day.
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote and a cast a ballot at the same time during early voting or on Election Day. Simply go to your regular polling place or early voting site to register and vote. Contact your Local Election Office if you have any questions. You will need to bring proof of residency, such as a government photo ID, or a copy of a current utility bill, bank statement, government check, or pay check that shows your current name and address.
Florida
In Person: 29 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 29 days before Election Day.
Online: 29 days before Election Day.
Georgia
In Person: 29 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 29 days before Election Day.
Online: The fifth Monday before Election Day.
Hawaii
In Person: 30 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day.
Online: 30 days before Election Day.
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote and a cast a ballot at the same time during early voting at early walk-in locations and on Election Day at your polling place. Contact your Local Election Office if you have any questions.
Idaho
In Person: 24 days before Election Day. If you miss this deadline, you may also register on Election Day. (You must show proof of residence to register at the polls on Election Day.)
By Mail: Postmarked 25 days before Election Day.
Online: 25 days before Election Day.
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote and a cast a ballot at the same time during early voting or on Election Day. Simply go to your regular polling place or early voting site to register and vote. You will need to show proof of residence and a photo ID. Contact your Local Election Office if you have any questions.
Illinois
In Person: 27 days before Election Day, after which you may register during the early voting period through Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 28 days before Election Day.
Online: 16 days before Election Day.
You can also register in person (and vote) at your local elections office during the "grace period." The grace period starts 27 days before Election Day and ends on Election Day. Grace Period Voting does NOT take place at your regular polling place. Grace Period Voting almost always happens at your Local Election Office. Contact your Local Election Office for more information.
Indiana
In Person: 29 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 29 days before Election Day.
Online: 29 days before Election Day.
Iowa
In Person: 10 days before Election Day. If you miss the deadline, you can also register to vote in-person during early vote or on Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 15 days before Election Day or received 10 days before Election Day.
Online: 10 days before Election Day.
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote and a cast a ballot at the same time during early voting or on Election Day. Simply go to your regular polling place or early voting site to register and vote. You should bring valid photo ID and, if the ID does not list your current address, also proof of residence. Contact your Local Election Office if you have any questions.
Kansas
In Person: 21 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 21 days before Election Day.
Online: 21 days before Election Day.
Kentucky
In Person: 29 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 29 days before Election Day.
Online: 29 days before Election Day.
Louisiana
In Person: 30 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day.
Online: 20 days before Election Day.
Maine
In Person: Election Day.
By Mail: Received 15 business days before Election Day.
Online: N/A
If you register to vote within 21 days of an election, including on election day, you must appear in person to register at the municipal registrar in order to register. Photo ID and proof of residence is required. Contact your Local Election Office with any questions.
Maryland
In Person: 21 days before Election Day. You may also register during early voting or on Election Day with proof of address. See Election Day registration instructions.
By Mail: Postmarked 21 days before Election Day.
Online: 21 days before Election Day.
You can register to vote in-person during early voting and on Election Day. You will need to bring your MVA-issued license, ID card, or change of address card, or a paycheck, bank statement, utility bill, or other government document that has your name and current address.
Massachusetts
In Person: 10 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 20 days before Election Day.
Online: 10 days before Election Day.
Michigan
In Person: Election Day at your city or township clerk office. The voter registration deadline is 15 days before Election Day, if you submit an application form through a voter registration drive or deliver it to a county clerk or secretary of state office.
By Mail: Postmarked 15 days before Election Day.
Online: 15 days before Election Day.
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote and a cast a ballot at the same time during early voting or on Election Day. If you plan to register in person within 14 days of Election Day, you will need to present proof of residency. To register under these rules, Contact your Local Election Office with any questions.
Minnesota
In Person: Election Day.
By Mail: Received 21 days before Election Day.
Online: 21 days before Election Day.
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote and a cast a ballot at the same time during the in-person absentee voting period or on Election Day. Simply go to your regular in-person absentee voting site -- or to your regular polling place -- to register and vote. You should bring valid ID and, if the ID does not list your current name and address, also proof of residence. Contact your Local Election Office if you have any questions.
Mississippi
In Person: 30 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day.
Online: N/A
Missouri
In Person: 27 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 27 days before Election Day.
Online: 27 days before Election Day.
Montana
In Person: Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 8 days before Election Day and received 5 days before Election Day.
Online: N/A
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote at your county election office through close of polls on Election Day, except between noon and 5:00 p.m. the day before the election. You'll have to register at the office of your Local Election Office -- not at a polling place. Contact your Local Election Office for questions about the process. Photo ID or proof or residency is required.
Nebraska
In Person: 11 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 18 days before Election Day. Received 14 days before Election Day, if there's an illegible postmark.
Online: 18 days before Election Day
Nevada
In Person: Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 28 days before Election Day.
Online: 5 days before Election Day
You may register to vote in-person at the polling place either during early voting or on Election Day. You must show a valid Nevada driver’s license or identification card at the polls to vote. If the identification does not have your current address, you must also show proof of residency .
New Hampshire
In Person: Election Day. Before Election Day, the last day to register is the last meeting of the Supervisors of the Checklist. The supervisors meet once, 6-13 days before Election Day. Check your town/city website, or call your clerk's office for the date, time, and location of the Supervisor's meeting.
By Mail: Received between 6 and 13 days before Election Day, depending on which town you live in.
Online: N/A
If you have missed the voter registration deadline, you can still register to vote and a cast a ballot at the same time on Election Day. Simply go to your regular polling place or early voting site to register and vote. Voters should bring a valid photo ID to vote. Voters that do not bring a valid photo ID execute a challenged voter affidavit form and will later receive a letter requesting confirmation they voted. Contact your Local Election Office for questions about the process or identification requirements.
New Jersey
In Person: 21 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 21 days before Election Day.
Online: 21 days before Election Day
New Mexico
In Person: Saturday before Election Day at the county clerk's office. 28 days before Election Day otherwise.
By Mail: Postmarked 28 days before Election Day. However, an application may be accepted through the Friday following the deadline if the application is postmarked before the deadline.
Online: 28 days before Election Day
New Mexico will begin same-day registration in 2021.
New York
In Person: 25 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 25 days before Election Day. Received 20 days before Election Day.
Online: 25 days before Election Day
North Carolina
In Person: The Saturday before Election Day if voting early in person. Otherwise 25 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 25 days before Election Day. If the postmark is missing or unclear, the application will still be processed if it is Received 20 days before Election Day.
Online: 25 days before Election Day
If an individual becomes qualified to vote between the registration deadline (the 25th day before Election Day) and Election Day, then the individual may apply to register on Election Day by submitting an application to: a member of the county board of elections, the county director of elections, or the chief judge or a judge of the precinct in which the person is eligible to vote. If the application is approved, the individual may vote the same day. This applies to those individuals who recently become naturalized citizens of the U.S. or who have restored to citizenship after a felony conviction, but it does not apply to individuals who were 17 years old and reach 18 after the registration deadline.
North Dakota
In Person: North Dakota does not have voter registration. You simply need to bring valid proof of ID and residency to the polls in order to vote.
By Mail: North Dakota does not have voter registration. You simply need to bring valid proof of ID and residency to the polls in order to vote.
Online: N/A
North Dakota does not have voter registration. You simply need to bring valid proof of ID and residency to the polls in order to vote.
Ohio
In Person: 30 days before Election Day, extended to the next business day if this falls on a Sunday.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day, extended to the next business day if this falls on a Sunday.
Online: 30 days before Election Day
Oklahoma
In Person: 25 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 25 days before Election Day.
Online: N/A
Oregon
In Person: 21 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Received 21 days before Election Day.
Online: 21 days before Election Day
N/A
Pennsylvania
In Person: 15 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Received 15 days before Election Day.
Online: 15 days before Election Day
Rhode Island
In Person: 30 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day. If the postmark is missing or unclear and the registration form is received no later than 5 days after the deadline, the individual shall be presumed to have been registered by the deadline.
Online: 30 days before Election Day
You may register in person on Election Day at your local Board of Canvassers but only for Presidential elections.
South Carolina
In Person: 30 days before Election Day. If this falls on a Sunday, the last preceding day that the county board of voter registration and elections is open.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day, the deadline is extended to the next business day if this falls on a Sunday.
Online: 30 days before Election Day
South Dakota
In Person: 15 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Received 15 days before Election Day.
Online: N/A
Tennessee
In Person: 30 days before Election Day. If this falls on a Sunday, 29 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day, the deadline is extended to the next business day if this falls on a Sunday.
Online: 30 days before Election Day
Texas
In Person: 30 days before Election Day. If this falls on a Sunday, 29 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day, the deadline is extended to the next business day if this falls on a Sunday.
Online: N/A
Utah
In Person: 7 days before Election Day in clerk's office, but may also register during early vote and on Election Day.However, individuals must vote by provisional ballot if they: (i) register online or in person between 7 and 14 days before Election Day, (ii) register during early voting, or (iii) register on Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 30 days before Election Day, the deadline is extended to the next business day if this falls on a Sunday.
Online: 11 days before Election Day
An individual who is not registered to vote may register to vote, and vote, on election day or during the early voting period described in Section 20A-3-601, by voting a provisional ballot, if:
the individual is otherwise legally entitled to vote the ballot;
the ballot is identical to the ballot for the precinct in which the individual resides;
the information on the provisional ballot form is complete; and
the individual provides valid voter identification and proof of residence to the poll worker.
More information on election day registration
Vermont
In Person: Election Day (you must show proof of residence to register at the polls on Election Day).
By Mail: Received Election Day.
Online: Election Day. But if you register online the day before or on Election Day, your application may not be processed and your name may not appear on the checklist and you may be asked to fill out another application at the polls. To be sure your name appears on the checklist, please register by the Friday before the election.
You can register to vote on Election Day at your polling place. You must show proof of residence to register at the polls on Election Day.
Virginia
In Person: 22 days before Election Day. If this day falls on a Sunday, 21 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 22 days before Election Day, the deadline is extended to the next business day if this falls on a Sunday.
Online: 22 days before Election Day
Washington
In Person: Election Day.
By Mail: Received 8 days before Election Day.
Online: 8 days before Election Day
Individuals may register to vote in their county auditor's office, the division of elections if in a separate city from the county auditor's office, a voting center, or other location designated by the county auditor in his or her county of residence no later than 8:00pm on the day of the primary, special election, or general election. The registration process and requirements for registering on Election Day are the same as for filling out a paper registration form or the online form.
West Virginia
In Person: 21 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 21 days before Election Day.
Online: 21 days before Election Day
Wisconsin
In Person: The Friday before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked the 3rd Wednesday before Election Day.
Online: 20 days before Election Day
Individuals may register to vote in person at your polling place on Election Day. All individuals must provide both a proof of residency document and proof of identification to register on election Day.
Wyoming
In Person: 14 days before Election Day.
By Mail: Postmarked 14 days before Election Day. After this date, individuals may register to vote by mail if their registration is also accompanied by an absentee ballot request.
Online: N/A
Wyoming does not accept the National Voter Registration Form so please do not use our Register to Vote Tool to register to vote in Wyoming.
Wyoming prefers that people register to vote in person at the County Clerk's office.
If this isn't possible, print out the Wyoming Voter Registration form and fill it out in front of a notary. That part is really important! Your Wyoming Voter Registration Form MUST be notarized. Print clearly, using a black or blue ink pen (not felt tip).
Sign the voter registration oath on the form and have the notary or registered agent sign the form.
Make copies of the identification documents you showed to the notary.
Mail the voter registration form, along with the copies of your ID documents, to your County Clerk. Note: Sending your form to any other office will delay your voter registration.
Mail your form as soon as possible. Voter registration closes two weeks prior to Election Day.
Follow up with your County Clerk about any questions you may have about your registration or requests for absentee ballots. | non-suicide |
347,728 | Struggling on a psych wardWell, I'm posting this so I failed my suicide. Long story short, I'm on a section and I have never wanted to die more. I'm so on edge and anxious from things kicking off. My situation hasn't changed in the slightest and I'm getting no treatment. I'm trying to get off my section to go home and finish what I started. It's getting worse in here. | suicide |
347,729 | Late night tired galaxy brain go If you have to deal with a vampire werewolf would you use a silver stake, or a wooden bullet? | non-suicide |
347,730 | it’s fun knowing multiple languages, even if you only have basic understandings of some of them cuz now i can say le arsch was muy optimus & no one will know what i just said | non-suicide |
347,732 | I shouldn't have to feel like this, maybe its your actions, maybe its my mental illness talking...I just don't think I can do this anymore, I've had a history with suicidal thoughts before and I;m so sick and tired of them invading every other thought I have.
I am tired over obsessing over things you enjoy or currently have, just to remember the good ole' days. It hurts me so much, you don't physically how heartbreaking it is to wake up some days. I csan't take it anymore. Some nights it gets to me too much, even to the point where i have to take some Benadryl in order to get a good nights rest.
I miss you, I am a hollow void. I'm sorry | suicide |
347,733 | I've Lost, I want out. I'm done.
I can't anymore. I tried my best. luckiky, I was able to get some opiods. | suicide |
347,734 | Tutor thinks he is more important than grandma Hello, my name is Konstantin. I'm 16, I live in Russia. Time 11 a.m. Today is a holiday in Russia. We are not learning. Today at 10:20 a.m. I HAD to go to my grandmother. Therefore, I wrote to the tutor about the cancellation of the lesson. She, in turn, wanted to abandon me. Like. What? In her opinion. Is she more important to my grandmother? "Да иди ты нахуй" I would say, if not for my mom. The whole situation is very dumb. A holiday, everyone is resting. And I'm fucking doing math. As a result, I gave it up | non-suicide |
347,736 | Cheese and onion flavoured bubblegum 🤤 Cheese and onion flavoured bubblegum 🤤 | non-suicide |
347,737 | I wanna start a lyrics chain I'm going to put a song lyric in the comments. You all got to go from the next line and go from there. Ok | non-suicide |
347,738 | Getting ThereI'm at a point where I'm starting to think about not living, objectively.
I lost my wife to ovarian cancer in 2016; We'd been together for almost ten years. Reflecting on everything as I've been for three years, I took caring for her on as my identity. I still am, and at 33 I have no idea of who I am. I failed out of college due to inattentive ADD and depression at 20 - I was alone.
I think this is why I clung to her so closely, I feared being alone. Now I've lived in a different state for three years. I'm still mostly alone - Everyone around it seems has someone, or something - A passion, a drive to succeed, friends and family or just to enjoy something tangible.
I'm still depressed, still incapable, and still feel wholly alone. When others recount their stories of youth, I have none. I've never truly known who I was, but took on qualities as best as able from those around me. I'm exhausted. I've tried therapy recently, along with doing things to improve my health and to get out and meet people. Nothing is truly working, and I feel I'm becoming a burden on the few people I can talk with from time-to-time.
So what would the world lose, honestly? Who would the world lose? Objectively, nothing. | suicide |
347,741 | Tired of tryingI don't even know where to begin. I'm a 30 year old psychologist, with training and a lot of experience in therapy and helping others, and I want to die. I'm sick of always being there for other people and them never being there in return; I'm sick of having jobs where I do good work but end up burnt out because of the crappy way the NHS works and the shitty management and bitchy colleagues that this field seems to attract; I'm sick of not having a job right now, I did a masters and got the highest grade and have so much experience but still can't get a job I would like to do; I'm sick of feeling like everyone else is moving on with their lives and getting what they want out of life and then here I am, hating myself and feeling worthless and that my worth is only based on how much I can do for other people rather than anything else. I'm sick of bad relationships, feeling like this is karma for leaving an unhappy relationship before, feeling like everyone just goes away eventually - is it me? Am I so terrible? I like to think that i am a really kind and thoughtful and considerate person, and actually I am, and I am REALLY good at my job and psychology and research and everything but where has this got me? No where.
The only reason I exist is to keep my parents happy, because I know they would be devastated if I killed myself, and because I want them to be ok and they really need someone to look after them because everyone has flown the nest and I am the only one who seems to care enough about them to do things with them still, and I can just see that when I'm older my life is going to be caring for my parents when none of my siblings will help and they are elderly and ill.
But now I'm seriously thinking that they will be ok, and if I am not around then maybe someone else will step up. And so I've decided that if I can make my death look like an accident, that will be easier on my parents because they know I am clumsy and accident prone. So it's what I want to do.
I don't even know why I'm writing here. I suppose the whole of my life I have just really wanted someone to talk to, who's not going to go away. I have a boyfriend, but he is on holiday with his family and his crazy controlling mum doesn't know about me because she thinks he doesn't need a girlfriend and shouldn't have one, so he had to go to sleep because she controls everything about him still (he's only a couple of years younger than me) and he needs his 8 hours sleep or I don't know, the world will end or something according to her. So i'm really upset, and he had to leave and go to sleep (8 hours ahead timezone at the moment). I am actually going to therapy recently too, and my therapist is lovely, but i feel like she is overwhelmed with all the new stuff I keep bringing every session. There's a lot of it. And I've been to therapy a few times before, and it's helped to a certain extent, in that I understand why certain people have done certain things adn the why some things are as they are, but it hasn't changed how i feel, that I am just alive for my parents sake.
So yeah. Sorry this is so rambling and crap and whiney. But I'm tired of trying all the time and the thought of just dying is increasingly irresistible.
Edit: wow so bad formatting. | suicide |
347,744 | Get me the fuck out of my skinDoes anybody get in a mindset where they just want to fucking rip off their skin. Peel it away and run away? I have thoughts about fucking covering my body in tattoos head to toe, piercings... whatever the fuck. I hate having a body. | suicide |
347,747 | There is no Better Ravioli Than Costco Brand Ravioli. Chefboy'rd brand is inferior to Costco brand in many ways. Costco doesn't taste like soggy noodles and wet beef. Rather than having soggy beef, Costco has crumbly cheese inside the well-done noodles, covered by spaghetti sauce and more cheese. Move aside Chefboy'rd, I only accept Costco brand as my ravioli. | non-suicide |
347,748 | Not close to ending it right now. But I've been close, and for good reasons, at least the way I see it.17M, 18 next month.
I am usually tired most of the time, doesn't matter how much I sleep. I am also frequently ill, and regularly become very hot temperature-wise and feel very sick which I believe is connected to my diabetes. (type 1, hereditary)
My life feels so... long? not sure how to describe it. I am currently repeating year 12 (uk) as last year got fucked due to various illnesses and my diabetes deeply affecting my life, which led to me finding out that I had it (diagnosed march).
I have a few friends. Only two I can spend a lot of time with, all the others irritate me in some way after a certain amount of time. I am introverted, sure I'm going to get annoyed after some time socialising, but it can be near instant with some friends. for example one cheated on his gf last year and had no regrets or anything and treats all women as objects. I can't help but be jealous of how easily he can talk to and get with girls however. i like to think in his position i would be nicer to them but i can't really say as i'm not in his position.
most other people im just not on the same wavelength as, bare two people. one is a girl that i have had feelings for and has had feelings for me, she is with someone currently. we have fantastic chemistry, no joke, we almost were fwb but i pussied out. turned out we both had feelings for each other during that. as we found out later. we shared nudes. i wish i was the guy i am now back then (bare the suicidal thoughts).
the other person i get along well with is a guy, known him for almost 6 years now (wow, just realised that). we fought occasionally but that was long ago. he's a pretty cool guy so long as he isnt around this other friend of mine who makes him arrogant for some reason
family wise, i have no complaints beyond ym dad who really irritates me the way he eats and coughs and sniffs which sounds really weird. idk why but whenever he makes such noises it really pisses me off, like sets something off in my head. not sure what the deal is with that. but yeah no divorces or deaths except for my grandma and that was not sudden.
people tell me i am funny, i am nice, etc. mainly family or guy friends. i am shit at talking to girls. i go out of my way to avoid them. i hate myself for it but when it happens i am not the person who wants to talk to them.
sorry my grammar has fallen apart as this goes on. i type faster this way.
schoolwork has been good this year as i know most of what i am doing :)
however i have a complete lack of motivation. right now i should be doing product design. i was home ill and i have done almost nothing all day. similarly to socially avoiding girls i regret it after but am a different person during.
anyway, I don't have much going for me. if I manage to pull off good grades then maybe i go to uni. then i get crippling debt. I dont even know if id like computer science (degree i am currently looking at). even then i have no guarantee of a job. heck i wouldnt mind just working office hours and getting a decent paycheck, maybe accounting would be better.
anyway, eternal sleep sounds better than the everlasting boredom that is my everyday life. im not looking to escape anything in particular, just a shortcut past this period. before you say it gets better, i have been like this for 2 years. (began shortly after relationship with a different girl ended). no sign of ending yet, except for the occasional burst of happiness. it would not be difficult for me to end it too; a simple insulin overdose puts me to a coma then to sleep, apparently.
ah well. let me know what you think SW, im all ears. respect to those who listen here, i have been talking to a depressed friend with suicidal thoughts and it isnt easy.
:)
thank you for reading. | suicide |
347,749 | guys im so disappointed my period is really light so no snacks for later😔
girls u know what im talking about | non-suicide |
347,750 | Alright goodnight I'm going to bed I'll reply to your comments tomorrow | non-suicide |
347,751 | Should I move to Austin Texas for three months? It would be more expensive and farther away BUT I would have my own freedom in a place that I know I like and am more familiar with
Maybe would be able to make my own new friends ! Or maybe I would be alone and lonely ?? I have a few friends there but not a ton
Idk what does everyone think? | non-suicide |
347,752 | I have a day left to do all of my homework that I didn't do AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA | non-suicide |
347,753 | it’s my birthday and no one will respond to meno ones told my happy birthday, i invited the “few” friends i know to come over for some snacks and hang out; they never answered.
i’ve been left on read.
i’m alone
why do i bother always being nice to people and surprise them in their birthdays but no one ever wants to do the same.
no one ever treats you like you have treated them
maybe i am a piece of shit
maybe i don’t deserve anything nice
i’m 26 and i no longer want to be alive
i want to be set free
i can’t stop hurting... | suicide |
347,754 | matchmaker form! ok hi! the purpose of this form is essentially you fill it out and i'll dm you with a redditor that has similar interests to you! enjoy! [form :)](https://forms.gle/5ppxcav7gQy9Fk888) | non-suicide |
347,755 | Anyone else’s parents hate when you talk to strangers on games I’ve been playing lots of valorant and other games with voice chat and according to my mother they are all weirdos online. Anyone else’s parents like this. Also no I’m not giving out my personal info | non-suicide |
347,757 | Dear College Part 2Thank you for giving me even more nights without sleep, and making my sleep schedule/diet go to complete shit. I'm tired of throwing up :( kill me 'm dead anyways au revouir
mop ie rop dop a :
whale of a time | suicide |
347,758 | Staying up and watching youtube videos helped me save a kid. Well this is a story i’ve wanted to tell but never had time but today I released theres nothing to do so yeah, i’ll post this story to reddit.
Now, this was a year ago, I was staying up on a Sunday as there was no school the next day. I was up at 11:00 AM watching videos on how to stay aware in situations after seeing recent events about shootings and terrorism. Now I went to sleep after a few videos or so and I woke up at 10:00 AM sharp next day.
The next day, we had to go to get groceries. We decided to go to a well known Indian store for groceries as we were going to have a big party next day. As we enter the shop, it was very crowded full of people we usually didn’t see if we were to go there another day. Now it was just my dad and me as my sister and mom were staying home. As we enter I hear 4 guys saying,“no not that guy,(referring to my dad) the other kid(referring to a little kid).” Now I notice as in the video It gave tips such as use your surroundings and avoid eye contact. Now how I used these was that went behind a few aisles where I could hear them but they could not see me. Then I saw the cashier’s monitor with certain cameras. I had full vision of them and I could hear them very easily. My dad was with me and I told him about the situation. We decided to leave and tell the cashier about how sketchy they were. At this point the 4 guys decided to act as they released they had no time. I noticed them getting closer to a kid and I used another tip from the video. Use unexpected things to your advantage. Now really there was a lot of things I could have threw such as chip bags all the way to pans and pots. I was near the entrance and found the only thing I could use that could cause damage was rocks outside as the pans and pots were on the other farther aisles and chip bags and naan rooti wouldn’t do anything. So I went to get a rock when suddenly I realized the door made noise when opened or closed at a distance. I’ve went here for like 5 years so I knew when It would make a noise when I opened the door. I was able to grab a few rocks (no small ones, a few big ones and 1 HUGE rock) and as soon as they were about to grab the small kid and I hit all 4 of them with a lot of rocks HARD. I’m talking almost causing coma hard. I think its because my adrenaline kicked in at the right time so after some hard hitting throws we called police and they searched them and their van(it was white and windows were tinted) and they found pistols and knives in their pockets(very small I couldn’t notice them) and the car had even more weird shit but I didn’t see what they had but hey, I saved a kid.
The kid’s mom was deaf and the kid’s dad had to go use the restroom so he was very vulnerable but now they realize that threats can happen and are more careful
now.
Also, for me my dad actually thanked me a lot for noticing and said he was really proud so yeah the compliment made my day!
The kid didn’t know what happened and he thanked me after he realized they were gonna take him and he wanted me to have his toy as a gift as it was the least he could offer so that’s that.
The 4 guys, idk what happened for them as they were arrested.(I’ll update on that later) Also, they were really gonna do messed up shit with the kid but we didn’t the kid since like cmon now he’s a kid.
The crowd wasn’t sketchy or anything. just new people.
So yeah I can answer questions 30 minutes after but then ima go to sleep so bye! | non-suicide |
347,759 | I want to draw some video game characters I want to build my art style and I want to draw video game characters so can you give suggestions from games like Mario, Kirby, undertale, hollow knight, etc. | non-suicide |
347,760 | Contemplating asking people who hate me with a passion to kill me and make it look like a non-assisted suicideIn the past I have made several women uncomfortable by harassing them in different ways. At least one woman is still traumatized by my harassment after over half a decade. Her friends hate me with a passion for harassing her and she refuses to accept my apologies. I can't live with myself knowing that I have hurt her and the other women (among other reasons). I'm thinking about asking her friends to kill me and make it look like a non-assisted suicide since it would be giving them what they want as well. | suicide |
347,761 | alright y'all should i ask her if she listens to girl in red or sweater weather? she does already cuff her jeans and wear eccentric earrings... what are we thinking ladies and gents and all others? | non-suicide |
347,762 | Lost my wayFeel so lost and empty anymore, and i keep thinking about ending it just to stop feeling the negative emotions... i feel only the bad emotions, anxiety, sadness, ennui, hopelessness, haven't felt a single positive feeling since last year... i graduated from law school and felt nothing, no triumph, no happiness... passed the bar and felt nothing... now i'm unemployed and feel nothing... except for misery and the hopelessness of student debt...
Unemployed, in debt, depressed, isolated, unloved, ugly, fat, stupid, useless and a drain on my family... i try to tell myself that things could get better, that i can change all of that, but i'm losing faith in it, and it all just hurts so much... i know my viewpoint is distorted, that's what they say, but it all feels so real, and i can't seem to force myself to believe otherwise...
Worst thing is, i'm turning into the kind of person i hate, negative, paranoid, unsociable... it's pushing the few people who vaguely care about me away, and i can't live with who i'm becoming.
just don't know what to do... just saying this out loud helps though... makes it feel more like something real, and not something that's just in my head and my fault for feeling this way. everyone says i have nothing to be sad about, but no matter how bad i feel for feeling this way, i can't seem to feel better.
What can i do? god, i'm so unhappy... i don't have a solid plan, i don't want to make my family or anyone else find whatever's left, and i don't want to cost funeral expenses. been enough of a drain so far. i know it's selfish to go, but i think everyone would be better off without me.
tell me something that can help, point me back to the road... give me something to hold onto when i feel this low... please.. | suicide |
347,763 | Questions for boys and girls (Boys) 1. Have you ever had a girlfriend (be honest)
(Girls) 2. Why do you like to break boys hearts.
(Everyone) 3. Why do girls hate guys 😭. | non-suicide |
347,764 | Has anybody else lost all their friends? I'm just so lonely these days, I don't feel like living don't feel like committing suicide and hurting my family. don't know why I'm posting this to reddit, but thank you if you're reading this, I really appreciate it. 👍 | non-suicide |
347,765 | Why? Why am I still here?I don't understand it.
To start off, I successfully took my own life 4 years ago in mid-February. This was at a large student party. I was not a student of this college nor did I know anyone other than the person that invited me. The student housing we were in was about an hour and a half away from my home. That night I took the local high-speed train up to the dorms where the party was. I planned on not going home. The party started out slow, eventually picking up as the night had gone on. I was making my own drinks. It took roughly an hour of sloshing back screwdrivers to have me wanting to vomit. The alcohol, the acid, and the sugar were coming up. I stumbled into the bathroom inside the small two bedroom dorm. Once in there, I vaguely remember lifting the toilet seat to puke. Next thing, I woke in a hospital bed really needing to piss. I jolted up out of fear and not knowing how the hell I got there, only to see my father sitting next to my hospital bed. He told me the details of what happened after my memory went blank. I had fallen over in the bathroom, hit my head, and proceeded to choke on my vomit until I stopped moving. The guy that invited me to the party noticed I was missing and found me dead in the bathroom. He picked me up and began trying to resuscitate me, even through my vomit covered face/torso. He yelled to one of the other party goers to call the paramedics; they arrived within 4 minutes. Thanks to the guys attempt at reviving me, it kept oxygen and blood flow going long enough for the paramedics to bring me back. I'll never be able to live this down.
But my question is, why? Why did he have to keep me going? I just wanted to die. I knew what I was doing that night. I didn't want to return home.
I have nightmares about this still. I wish I was dead. I don't want to redo it. It was so painful to begin with. I have to retry soon. I can't keep continuing to think my life has any value. | suicide |
347,766 | nothing interestingI’ve been restless, some days and some nights I think I know, but I don’t know. I have come to believe I’m afflicted by many kinds of mental illnesses, drawn to the fact that i would love to be someone great, I’d love to be someone who is successful and one that shares the wealth that comes with. I don’t understand much and I’ve succumbed to a lot of uncharacteristic behaviors, I have lost all interest in education, I exploit my family for my own interests that seem to be reaching no value, I’ve stolen many times, cash behind their backs justifying it for their negligence and lack of attention towards me and it hurts my pride, especially in the circumstance for all that they do for me, they put food on the table, they work all night, they do their best to understand my situation, since we’re a first generation family. I also have great pride in my culture, my parents are Chinese and I would be more than sad and disappointed if I let their expectations down and as I also had expectations to take care of them, but I feel so pressured by my fear, I feel so misunderstood, I feel so guilty, I feel very young and naive, I feel like I probably shouldn’t feel anything, I feel nihilistic all the time. I’ve had a lot of great friends and great memories, my heart falls out when I reminisce about my high school days. I was supposed to graduate a couple months ago but I think I need help? Of course I don’t hold anything against anyone, I hold this grudge against myself for not being able to change, I am stubborn, I am prideful, I won’t let anyone help me, I desire admiration but I don’t seek it for bad intention. I believe I’m talentless, but perhaps I tell myself that as an excuse to let myself fail and be okay with it. I’ve been alone a lot and i escape reality myself and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to recover. I have it a lot in my head that plenty of people have it way worse than I do and that’s of course true but I have no doubt in that the same could be said that it’s because no one cares that all these people have shitty lives. This could be noted as some cry for help but again my head refuses to acknowledge it as so and even writing such is difficult. I also have gone off lots of drugs and alcohol and I’m sure I have years of addiction and I’m only 18 and I’m sure I told myself I wouldn’t be such a degenerate but I didn’t care anymore. I’ve managed to gain somewhat of a sense of humor and I’ve learned to enjoy while it lasted. I have a lot of time to reflect about the past, and to think about the present, and plan for the future. Guess I have been too alone but that’s not the problem is it? My fears have grown far beyond rational and whoever reading this I have more than enough time and energy to explain but I wouldn’t bother, under the belief no one really cares anymore. Life has many choices and many people choose to be bad, fate I believe is what predetermines a life and I’ve come close to taking control of my own and ending it, giving myself the self justice i deserve. And then I’ll just collapse and everything I’ll have left over will crumble to dust and fade away, and humanity will still run its course with the strong still living and the weak being a supplement to those superior. My family, friends and love interest will be more than devastated, I know for sure cause they’d want to know why and the worst feeling probably is to tell them I don’t know or leave them no answer at all. Suicide has always been away from me, but it’s more that i wish I didn’t exist anymore after all my sadness, collectively i can feel all those moments like scars, reminding me like a beating heart. I refute help cause I believe I don’t need any, that I am powerful enough to will myself into a better condition. I don’t tell anyone I’m sad but it doesn’t seem to occur to anyone that I can be so I’m probably doing a good job, right? | suicide |
347,767 | I had to set one of those timers that people usually do when they quit smoking but with going back to my toxic friends I have a history with a toxic group of friends and i’ve been known to leave many times but always come back, the sole reason being there the only people i’ve talked to for 5 years of my life and I have no other friends.
After a fight broke down yesterday I told myself i’m leaving for good and set a timer to force myself not to go back. I just wanted to share | non-suicide |
347,768 | Hope is a dangerous word for suicidal people.I am truly tired.i am tired of hearing “just hope for the best” “why can’t you have some hope” “hope will keep you alive” etc.
Hope has crushed my entire soul. My being. My happiness. My attitude. I use to be so positive and then things crashed down one by one because of hope. I hoped to be the person even just a few people would like. I hoped I could keep the act up. I hoped I left a positive impact on people and left them better than I found them. I hoped my PTSD would disappear. I hoped my suicidal thoughts would go away because like got better. But then, as it always does, it got much much much worse.
Now I am completely alone and hopeless once again. I’ve been abandoned, yet again. I refuse to make the best of this, this time. The one person I thought cared for me unconditionally is gone. Quarantine is making me isolate more. I’ve lost all will to live bc not only did a business deal fail and get thrown in my face after the ceo of a major company gave me “hope” but I have nothing left to offer anyone. Now I’m “hoping” my lack of sleep, excessive energy drink usage, and not eating will take me soon but if it doesn’t I will “hope” for a faster more fool proof method ASAP. | suicide |
347,769 | wierd motivation to live.are you feeling like a waste of space? well even if you died you still would be, so you might as well live and be able to move around than to just be there.
thats what ive been thinking about and so far i havnt had actual suicidal thoughts or plans. | suicide |
347,771 | I have to go off for a whileHey, I’ve made a few posts like this, but everyone who’ve I’ve messaged on Reddit, I have to take a break from Reddit, I will still check up on you, and message you every so often to ensure you’re all okay, I hate it, and I’m sorry you’re all suffering, but you’re all so so brave, please stay safe and know you’re loved, goodbye. | suicide |
347,772 | Feeling sad right now for no reason Anyone have any tips on how to feel a bit better? None of my friends are replying to my texts and it’s late at night so I can’t do much stuff outside. I’d really appreciate it if you gave a bit of advice if you have any. If any of you need any help with anything I’ll be here for ya :) | non-suicide |
347,773 | Im so sad and miserableIm so alone and i want someone to just say hi to me even if i go to work everyone avoids me or stares and at me judging me. No one even cares about my existance. I tries to stay home from work to get my family to even ask how i was doing i was waiting in my room for a response but instead I get scolded. No one looks at me like a human i hate myself and everyone. There is no one in the world i admire or like cause im hated, Im deciding if i just off a bridge and drown. Granted ill probably be in hell but who knows. I hate being sad i hate no one caring for me SOMEONE PLEASE ASK HOW IM DOING OR JUST WAVE DONT IGNORE ME PLEASE IM VERY FRAGILE SOMEONE PLEASE CARE FOR ME | suicide |
347,774 | Here I am again SW...It's been over a month since my true love left me. It's been a few weeks since my last post about my brother going to prison. Last night I was coming off a 20 hour MDMA binge. And was drunk. It was a very blissful moment where I could have been completely happy dying. As I sat in my room thinking about the past months. I really did realize how unhappy I am with everything. I have great ambition but I just don't feel like I can accomplish it. Memories flooded me about all the great times me and my ex had. my brain was being filled with all the times I had made my brother smile and tell each other how important we are to each other. He called me the other night and hinted a lot of things. Some of which a lot of us can relate to.
In this moment of pure euphoria. It turned to darkness. I started to full out ball crying on the ground in emotional pain. The suffering is to great. I have no reason to live. The two most important people in my life want nothing to do with me(My ex) or are going to kill theirself.. Why do I even push on ward? Chances are I won't make it through life without my brother. He's the reason i'm alive today. When i was ODing in a suicide attempt he called 911. I'm such a selfish prick. Everyone has been so good to me and treated me right and nothing I do matters. I'm now just sitting in my dark room drinking and contemplating weather to use the shotgun or a different way. SW I ask for some advice. I beg for it. I just can't do it. Im shaking, crying and just want it to stop.
Edit..: fuck it all.. | suicide |
347,775 | add my snap jove.luna im really bored and i have nothing better to do. please be 15+ and not dry | non-suicide |
347,776 | Anyone talk to me tonightToday was such a shitty day...I feel suicidal | suicide |
347,777 | Siblings are rich had tons of success and I have nothing I've never worked hard in my life, I've lost all (i forgot the word) feelings to try to work hard. I'm in 10th grade or going to 10th grade and I don't know like what the fuck I'm going to do in life because I'm sure as hell not going to get a day job and I've lost all will to work hard and learn and I just don't want to do it anymore, I don't even want to go to school anymore because I have shitty reading comprehension and all I do is stare at the fucking ground all day bored out of my mind. My parents try to help me and my siblings who now moved on and are living a fucking happy life without any issues while I'm going through my own personal hell. They always tease me (or that's just how I see it) saying I don't try hard enough In school which is 100% true and one day when they were all at home I was walking pass one if them and one of them asked...
"So Jim how's school, ha" and I just turned around and said fuck you, and then he yelled back saying I've never worked a day in my life and I've had everything handed to me. I fucking flipped and responded with...
"You didn't have severe depression or poor reading skills or adhd, you didn't get made fun of or had parents that didn't give a shit what mood your in or "handed me shit" to stop me from bashing my head into the wall or just straight up shooting myself"
After that day I just locked myself in my room and played on my computer, draw, plucked my guitar for 8 months straight. I haven't seen any of them since and honestly I don't fucking want to and I'm probably going to drop out of high school and soon I don't know when but shoot myself because I know I'm going nowhere in life and I have 0 fucking plans. | suicide |
347,778 | Here’s to wishing the US gets smarter. Truth be told, I really hate all the memes that are being made about the US right now, but I can’t be mad if they are all true. I hate that people can’t just have sympathy for others here. I understand that some of the people who aren’t wearing masks don’t really care if they die, and though that is understandable, it doesn’t justify potentially hurting others.
Being in Texas, one of the current case capitals, I’m depressed with the idea that what used to be one of the best states is suddenly one of the dumbest.
I supposed to be going to college in Canada for my first year. I will be unable to because people take their make believe right to jeopardize the health of others over education and family. I just want to go to school. By the way it looks I may never see it. I don’t blame the Canadian government if they deemed Americans as walking health factors.
Sorry for my incoherent rant. Just want to get out anger. | non-suicide |
347,780 | My controller broke :( I know y’all don’t care but I just needed somewhere to bitch
I was yelled at for some bullshit and got pissed and decided to throw my switch controller because it was the closes thing to me and now the stick broke
I now have no other controllers for my switch because I broke the other ones for the exact same reason not too long ago
That is all | non-suicide |
347,781 | I've thought of every single way I can kill myself I can pick one.that's it. the title says it all.
I have 6 unique ways and I can currently perform every one of them.
I would love it if someone could calm me down a little. | suicide |
347,782 | I'm broken & I'm Sorry.I feel like the other half of me simply just walked away. I feel like the other half of me doesn't care or matter anymore. I don't know if this is even worth it to keep on trying to make someone fall in love with me. What's the point?
All my life I was only searching for love, what I hoped and expected to be love. However what is there left? I have nothing. I don't have a family, they hate me. I don't have a relationship because I messed it up and she hates me so much as well.
What's the point? What do I have left?
When I can give everything that I am, that I was to this world and still be met with brokenness. I have nothing, I'm a sinner and God can judge me. I just want to die because there's nothing on this earth that can really make me feel any different than how I feel now.
Why do I deserve love? I feel like I simply don't. That's okay. They always said self-love and self-care was the most important thing. Maybe this is my version of self-love and self-care. To finally end all this pain that is my life. I love myself that much that I'm willing to do it. And maybe, just maybe. I can finally find love on the other side, death. Death is my love. | suicide |
347,783 | It feels inevitableEvery road looks like it leads to suicide nowadays. I've tried tgerapy, meds, everything I can to get better but I still just sink deeper. Like I'm an untreatable case. And I think there's a part of me now that's accepting it. That no matter what I do, my premature death is the only way this is gonna end. I come a bit closer each day, and I know it's only a matter of time. My desire for an end is gonna outweigh my guilt over how much it'll hurt the people I care about sooner or later. I know it's selfish. But I'll stop caring about it eventually | suicide |
347,784 | Don’t be scared to talk to girls A lot of dudes are too scared to hit up girls and spark a convo because someone painted the picture that they’ll expose you for sexual assault if you try flirting/shoot your shot, this is just unrealistic and stupid, and it’s what leads to incels
Anyways that’s my pro life tip of the day | non-suicide |
347,786 | i have too many reddit husbands for being straight i promise im straight | non-suicide |
347,788 | Honestly so tired .I don’t know what to do. I’m a 20yr old scum. I see other scum just existing and killing off our planet and just being so heinous. I myself am no exception. That is why my 2nd sentence is what it is. I live in an ugly city in a trap (with my family bc I can’t keep a job and have my own house) my last relationship before my most recent gf , I probably made him feel like shit bc we moved in together after only like 3 months dating and then I realismzed the housewife role was too much for me and then I realized I think it’s just bc I like girls but I’ve only been with one and I feel like crap bc I wasn’t able to please her . I was born with a vagina but I’m not really a masturbator and she’s honestly great and I feel like shit I put her what I have . I’ve tried changing my ways positive thinking / manifesting / etc but I’ve gotten to such a low point. Yesterday I was at the train tracks and I felt it . It took a lot to not jump in front of it I still think maybe I should have . But the drivers face looked concerned.. idk it made me think and I know suicide is selfish blahblah. BUT EVERYONE AROUND ME IS SELFISH. They talk to me so shitty sometimes and I’m all for quality over quantity but I literally have one friend .. the world won’t miss me much . | suicide |
347,789 | Worried about a friend of mine. Help?
I'm going to tell a condensed story.
So my friend (not the one i am worried about) (we'll call her Sarah.) Get's into a relationship with a fellow (we'll call him James, he is who I am worried about.). Sarah is in the U.S. and James is in the U.K. Everything is fine for about a month, until Sarah gets a job with this Carnival. Long story short, Sarah cheats on James and James is considering suicide. I don't know James very well, but I am still worried.
He says he tried killing himself two nights ago, and that he called a hotline earlier that stopped him from jumping in a river | suicide |
347,790 | I'm making scones who wants some? If you wants some I'll tag you in my post when the scones are made :] | non-suicide |
347,791 | So many things wrong in my lifeThere are so many wrong things going on in my life that I know I just can’t do this anymore.
But I want to let it all out before I kill myself.
First is that one of my friends called me trash and said I should just kill myself and that he hopes that everyone I know will stab me in the back.
The only thing I did was talk to his mother about his drug issues because I was getting really scared for him.
Second, I’m in a weird gender issue. I don’t exactly know if I’m male or female or somewhere in the middle, but I chose a male name but everyone keeps calling me my birth name (which I don’t like because it triggers a lot of bad memories for me from a few years ago). When people call me my birth name I get instant flashbacks of my parents hitting me, but people don’t care.
People want me to get hurt.
There are a ton more but I can’t find the will to write more.
I’m done with this life.
| suicide |
347,795 | respect. peoples. pronouns or. i. will. cum. on. your. face.
but. my. cum. is. acid. | non-suicide |
347,797 | My moods are up and down like crazy and right now is a huge “down” and I don’t know what to do with myselfLately life has been so hectic and it’s all coinciding with finals and I’m so overwhelmed. I don’t have bipolar depression or anything, I am diagnosed with dysthymia/chronic depression so normally I’m in a constant low mood so this is VERY different for me and I’m afraid.
Last night I was manic, up until 4 am meeting 3 different guy friends to try to have sex with. I almost got on a train and just left to somewhere, I had no plans on where. I was desperately trying to find adderall or coke. I eventually convinced myself to go home and I just woke up in one of the worst depressions I’ve ever been in, like it feels like someone’s sitting on my chest and I can’t move.
[i typed out a completely hypothetical “plan” here but I’m afraid of someone finding my location and calling the police on me, it’s happened before and scarred me for life]. I have absolutely no intentions to actually do it, honestly I don’t have the energy or motivation to get up nor do I have the money. I know that having a plan like this is a one way ticket to the psych ward, I really don’t want to go through with anything. But I’m scared. I don’t want to get my school involved or go to the hospital because me or my family can’t afford a hospital bill and I can’t afford to fuck anything up with school, I’m on a very strict scholarship.
Typing this all out made me feel better but I’m still terrified of facing life right now. The only person I could go to normally I can’t right now due to weird circumstances, my other friends are at work or not available, and like I said I don’t want to get school/authorities involved because I don’t feel that I pose an actual threat to myself. It’s like I’m toeing the line between “I “want” to kill myself but not really” and “actively suicidal”. I don’t think I could do it just because of my family, and I just honestly don’t “want” to (but I feel it. I’m sure people on here can relate and I can’t really articulate it). But I have a class in an hour and I didn’t do the assignment and then I have 2 more classes and 6 assignments to work on on top of studying for finals and I have laundry and I have to make my bed but I can’t even get up right now and I just need support.
I’m sorry for the rambling wall of text. I don’t even know if this is okay for this sub, I’m kinda just desperate to talk to anyone or even yell into the void of the internet right now. Please don’t actually find me and call police. If I end up in a psych ward and my parents find out my life will be ruined, like seriously. My parents aren’t ones to be forgiving for these things and I’d never be allowed to finish my degree or even leave the house for that matter. | suicide |
347,798 | I have so much blackmail I have been gathering information to use as blackmail on those at my school and I’m thinking about using it. I could get half of my grade in ALC, and I could get my sister grounded for three months.
My sister most likely won’t be grounded that long. She lied to our parents and smoked vapes and weed, drank alcohol, got a “smiley” piercing, and made out with someone and got basically a slap on the wrist. I get too loud when playing CoD with my ONLY friend, I get grounded for six weeks. I’ve been grounded for seven months because I had a SINGLE F in math.
WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DAMN PANDEMIC! MY LIFE IS IN A GOD DAMN TILT-A-WHIRL RIGHT NOW! YOU TAKING AWAY THE ONLY CONTACT I HAVE WITH MY FRIEND IS MAKING MY ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION GO THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF! AND YOU WONDER WHY IM LEAVING AND NEVER COMING BACK AFTER I GRADUATE! FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK! | non-suicide |
347,799 | The planet is worthlessThis is just a bunch of people ripping each other apart and beating each other senselessly. It's just this giant fucking competition, this unrelenting shitshow where some people will always win and some will always lose; it's rigged, on purpose, and we have to pretend it's not, just put in a few more quarters, pull the slot a few more times, surely it will at least throw a few coins out this time.
I don't get it. Everywhere I look it's just people tearing each other down, ripping each other apart, spitting on each other, laughing at each other, mocking each other, and treating each other horrible. Everyone thinks they're so much better than everyone else, and the ones who don't get relentlessly abused until they kill themselves or die of exhaustion. Then some symmetrical body comes along and we shower it in validation, pleasure, and happiness. For having a specific body shape, that, ultimately, is the merit of a human. Nothing more, nothing less. This is what we reward and cherish.
I don't get it. I understand, after reading history, that we are a horrible species that engages in awful acts more often than not, but why do we pretend? Why do we pretend? We can't even talk about this, we have to pretend everything is wonderful. That all these people pumped full of psychiatric drugs are simply imbalanced, it's not this joke of a society, everyone hormonally imbalanced and no longer in touch with themselves, just following what everyone told them to follow, a bunch of willing lemmings falling off a cliff for fear of being labeled an outsider.
I can't blame them, at least there's some degree of companionship in that; there isn't a lot here. My family is more or less abandoning me, there were always so embarrassed by me, more concerned with how I came off to their friends than my person, and I don't blame them, but I'm just realizing how many opportunities they themselves had, that those around me have, that I never will. These aren't the sort of things that just show up in a life, more like every three lives in a family. You need to take them when you can, this one is being thrown off the boat for not being correct.
I can't blame them, it's not like my peers see differently. They're either intimidated or find me a chump. Nothing in between, couldn't get bonding, respect, friendship, love, physical or mental intimacy if you put a gun to my head. In fact, could you do that? That way everything would be fixed, I'd be dead, no longer using resources, no longer whining, no longer bitching about the slot I can't find, the role I don't have beyond that of the lowest of the low. That sounds nice; I wish I was strong enough to kill myself. I wish I could have power over something, even if just that, for just a second. Power. Empowerment. | suicide |
347,801 | Let me ask yall a question WHATS A MAN GOTTA DO TO GET SOME EEL DICK AROUND HERE
^I’ve ^been ^watching ^alot ^of ^sam ^O’Nella ^don’t ^question ^it | non-suicide |
347,802 | I HATE MY FUCKING BROTHER HE MADE ME RUIN A BAG OT PERFECTLY GOOD ORANGES I AM GOING TO LOSE IT ON HIM | non-suicide |
347,805 | When I first came to this sub, I was worried about being openly trans. I had heard that this sub was really transphobic, so I was hesitant at first. But I met some really cool people and got a lot of support. I started to think that they were wrong about this sub. It turns out that I was the one who was wrong.
Seriously. This place is disgusting sometimes. I know it's not everyone, in fact, it's only a small portion. But it's so much worse than I expected.
Don't be surprised if I leave soon. | non-suicide |
347,806 | That awkward moment you block someone and You can't find their reddit account in your dms anymore so you can't block them again. If your wounding why I blocked them they sent a nude | non-suicide |
347,808 | I think I'm done.I can't fucking do this anymore. No matter what I try to do, no matter how little, I fail. I'm fat and ugly, no one in this world will ever have the slightest interest in me, I'm going to die alone, and every single day and night I have a panic attack, a complete mental breakdown.
And before you say it, I don't trust professionals after how my last attempt at treatment ended and I'm convinced antidepressants are just placebo.
Just earlier, I finally worked up the courage to make a post in r/amiugly to hear from other people. I've never had an imgur before, so I made one specifically for this post. Within minutes of posting pictures, before I even started making the reddit post, 6 people commented hate.
I can't fucking do this anymore. I can't fight anymore, I can't hold on anymore, I can't go on like this anymore. I need it all to be over right fucking now and I just need to *be* better. And the only way that can happen is if I die. I can't fucking do this. No one loves me, no one ever has. I've never even heard the words 'I love you' not even from my own family. I can't fucking do this. | suicide |
347,809 | I don't know what to do.Im 16 and i dont know what to do, I am suicidal. But i dont know if i want to wait until i head off to a different country for university or just take my life in the next year.
Even though my parents dont accept me as a gay person and try to change every part of me, i still dont want to leave them in a situation like that and i dont want to have a religious funeral either. On the other hand I can kill myself while im here and just be done with it already. They dont like me either way so why does it matter.
I have some close friends but im sure they will forget about me after a month or two.
I dont want to die, but i cant do anything either. My grades are terrible and i lost all hope for a succesful life. I had dreams but they seem so unlikely i just accepted that im a pile of rubbish. | suicide |
347,811 | I've been like this for a long time and I want to ask for helpI really need advice and help. I want to kill myself and it's just about all I can think about now. It wasn't always like this. When I was 16 it started to get bad. I fought constant depression and anxiety silently because I felt like if I told someone they would just think I wanted the meds or I was just trying to get attention plus I have gone my whole life feeling like the things I say are just annoying people, I feel like I am a canker everyone's existence and that people are better off without me.
As it's progressed I went from contemplating suicide once every few weeks to thinking about it everyday. I just feel like I am ruining everybody's life, including my own, if I don't. I cry for seemingly no reason because I don't want to tell people that I'm thinking about suicide. The thought of ending my life doesn't make me happy but life doesn't make me happy either. I don't even have a lot to be upset about; I have a good home life, I have a boyfriend that loves me, I got accepted into the college of my dreams but none of that seems to matter and it makes me feel worse.
I get really upset for what seems like nothing and I can't help it. The smallest piece of stress will cause me to jump straight into a suicidal mindset. I think about killing myself when I'm at school, at home, at work, in the car... Everywhere. I have written note after note trying to build the courage to just end it but I can't. So all I'm asking is that someone can give me some advice on how to tell my mom (I still live at home) because I don't want to hurt her but I also want to stop hurting myself by not getting help. I've been scared to tell her for too long and I need some help. | suicide |
347,812 | Aight guys, imma head off to sleep Spam me with any question you want, don't feel shy to ask me anything. | non-suicide |
347,814 | A burden to othersJust lost another friend. Another person told me that I just stress them out since I'm constantly depressed and suicidal. That just goes to show how all I do is drag ppl down and how I'm a toxic person.
Ppl would be better off with me dead. | suicide |
347,816 | i’m sober, i’m sober not i have so many tattoo ideas and now money anyway
mmmmm can’t decide if i want to date this plug or not. do u know how much fun that would be because i don’t. lil hook up or a lil date. csnt decide | non-suicide |
347,817 | This is where it endsI've tried to do this so many times but held on for one person. Because he loved me and cared about me. Just found out he doesn't and never did so I have nothing to lose. Nobody ever needs me as much as I need them. The one person I needed didn't need me. I can't fucking live anymore. Everyone would be better off without me. I've lost so many fucking people and he was the last one and it turns out he doesn't give a shit. I can't wait to fucking leave this world. I've been wanting to do this since I was 12 years old. It's about fucking time. I'm sorry. It's better this way | suicide |
347,818 | Hopefully the NRA gets sued outa existence That would be great, hopefully the lack of the NRA’s existence will make passing gun control easier, I don’t know about that but we shall see | non-suicide |
347,819 | Trigger warning!!(ED)I used validation from other girls to feed my eating disorder while dating someone I truly loved, my mental illness has taken my life over and I might pull the trigger, I’m a POS for it, nothing was physical, but during that time I drank so much I don’t even remember what I said, I’m worthless. | suicide |
347,820 | hopeless, worthless and rdy 2 die28/m
my life is pathetic. i'm short, fat and depressed all the time. I have serious self loathing. i'm so fucking irritated that I even exist. I think the only reason i'm still alive is because i don't want to hurt my family. i think the only reason i haven't put a gun to my head and blown my fucking brains out, is because i dont' want to cause them pain. But it's getting to the point that it won't even matter if i'm dead, because, well, i'll be dead.
they know i'm suicidal. I talked to them about it. I stopped taking my prozac and now the lows are even lower. I stopped taking prozac because it made me feel like a even bigger loser in life.
i have no future. no women want me. it was pretty pathetic really. i tried online dating, contacted several hundred women in my state (to increase my chances) i didn't get one response. I deleted my account in shame and embarrassment.
every accomplishment i have achieved is nothing worth praising. i've accepted my lot in life, and well, it sucks. i've never had any talents and everything I try I suck at. why live another 40 years of this fucking joke life?
the depression is worsening. excessive sleep, insomnia and not wanting to sleep. I stay up thinking about ways I can kill myself. I search all the signs on the web and I have all the signs of a suicidal person. I'll probably use whatever money i have saved to take one last vacation then after i'll just end it. Somewhere remote where no one will find my body until it's too decomposed to identify.
| suicide |
347,822 | I'm afraid the ER won't believe meI've been planning to end it and have all the details worked out. I'm planning for tomorrow. But I've been thinking about maybe showing up to the ER instead just to see if I can be helped at all; I figure I have nothing left to lose, literally. Even if it is just for a day
The thing is that the thought of going to the ER even if it's for a day calmed me down a small bit but now I feel like they won't believe me if i go because i don't look like I'm panicking. I just feel like I'm a problem nobody wants to deal with and I'm 50/50 about wanting to live but it's like i ran out of options at this point and not even the emergency option is an option | suicide |
347,823 | Can't wait any longer for this illness to kill meI don't know how to begin I just feel so desperate I'm ready to die now I can't stay trapped here anymore. I've been diagnosed bulimic/anorexic for a few years now and hospitalised twice because of my weight and I'm so terrified I think I'll be like this always. I have nothing now and no one. I used to have a fair amount of friends, but people move on and I can't talk to them anymore. They talk about what they're doing with their lives: their jobs or courses at uni and the new things they're doing and the lives their living and they ask about me and there's nothing I can say, I've spent the last couple of years alone at my parents, eating and vomiting over and over again. I'm being discharged from out patients soon where I receive therapy, they said I'm making no progress, it's pointless, there's no where else they can refer me.
I can't describe this feeling, it's overwhelming. I'm terrified. I overdosed before and collapsed and spent a night in hospital and I can't do that again, it was embarrassing and painful. I need to end this properly, I'm stuck and I want it to stop I want to die so so much but I'm scared. It's so painful, everyone is moving on but I can't get past this. I'm just a burden on my family, all I do is upset them and it pains me everyday I think it'd hurt them at first if I died but surely that's better than going on and on like this.
Sorry, this is rushed | suicide |
347,826 | only thing that’s stopping me is the painif there was a pill i could swallow to end it all without any pain it would be down my throat in five seconds, no hesitation. but as a premed student, i know too much about this stupid body. that no matter how i try to end myself its going to hurt a lot | suicide |
347,827 | holy fuck i thought I got banned r/teenagers wasn't showing up anywhere, like at all.I couldnt search, clikc on notifs, ANYTHING. it was a scary for me :( | non-suicide |
347,829 | I dont like emojis But i can make exceptions for this ones
🚹🕎🔯♻️🧼 | non-suicide |
347,830 | I have an assignment due in less than 24hrs, that I need to do, that is of course if I don't kill myself tonight.I can't do any of this anymore, I feel like the world is closing in on me and nobody cares and nobody would even notice.
Nobody has noticed that I'm depressed, or stockpiling painkillers. I just can't take it anymore. I tried to explain this to a teacher they said it would be stupid to drop out with only 3 months of high school left.
I don't want to drop out, I want to die. | suicide |
347,831 | guys, i need some help asap how in the world do i make pizza. please reply as soon as possible, the fate of the universe is at stake. | non-suicide |
347,832 | Tired...**Option 1: carry on...**
Positives: You have to potential to do something with your life that you might enjoy. e.g. owning property, paying off your debts so nobody is burdened by you.
Negatives: Carrying the burden of untreatable depression and anxiety... which will mean that you won't ever actually achieve anything in your life. The reality is many years of being a lazy, piece of shit.
**Option 2: die...**
Positives: This nightmare ends. No more anxiety, depression, constant headaches, brain fogs, auras, visions...
Negatives: No way to guarantee death - risk of survival and severe disability.
I wish there were a guarantee. I'm so tired. I don't belong here, I should be dead... it's not like the change would even make a difference, nobody is going to miss a lazy piece of shit who contributes nothing to society. I'm so lazy I can't be even bothered to find a foolproof means of dying... | suicide |
347,833 | Mom makes me want to kill myselfI'm done. I'm not even allowed to have my own feelings. It's like walking on thin ice. I'm tired of having to say things a certain way incase she lashes out and says something hurtful or threathens to kill me.
She says I'm getting worse as a human being. That I'm falling apart by the second and I'm not the nice girl I used to be.
When we're getting along, she's suddenly the most understanding person
When we're not, suddenly I'm a bitch,lazy,coward and sometimes she'll act scary and threathen to hurt me like she did when I was a child.
My little autistic brother has ptsd from all the yellinh.
She thinks I'm shallow and I have no right to point out her bullshit because 'I'm no saint either'.
I KNOW I'M FUCKING DISGUSTING. I KNOW I'M USELESS. I KNOW | suicide |
347,834 | I was supposed to die on January 24... [X-post from r/offmychest]... But I'm still alive.
I was supposed to get hit by the train. A suicide.
I have never actually feared my own death. I have thought about it alot but seen it as something bad. Everyone dies sooner or later and it's not something that is possible for anyone to avoid so why are people so afraid to die?
I thought I was ready... But now I have realized that I'm not so different from other people.
She havn't done anything wrong. You can ask anyone that knows her and they would all answer the same. She's innocent. An angel as pure as the first snowfall of the year. Why would she, of all people, deserve that the person she loves, the person she wants to spend her future with, took his own life. And all because she was too afraid to love him. Too afraid of what her parents would think. They already hated him. And they didn't even have a reson to hate him. They said that a reason wasn't needed... She can't and won't see him.
That letter I sent to her... 'I love you... And I understand that you can't see me, but I'm too stubborn... I will never give you peace as long as I live. So for both our sakes... I will take my life so that you can live on a better life...' How could I even think that would have been good. "I love you so much I want to kill myself for you"? I don't deserve her... To be with her... To love her...
But at that time this seemed to be the only option. And I was determined. That day... January 24th... Was supposed to be the day of my death.
I gave my friend the letter... Told her to bring it to 'that' person. Without knowing the context of the letter she agreed. Meanwhile, I and another friend, my closest friend, decided that we would go and spend the lunch break at an nice place we both like. McDonalds. And we had something special with us. Two examples of his favorite beer. Arriving at McDonalds, I decided that at least my friend would have a bit of enjoyment so I payed for the meals. On our way we went a little detour. That detour passed the railroad. The place of my death.
I asked him about the time. 11.40. 15 minutes before the train arrives. 'Let's drink them now' I said. As we stood there I only had her in my mind. She was the only thing that had been in my mind that day. He looked at me as if he already knew what I was going to say. I told him. About her, about the letter and that at this day and at this place I am going to die. I had enjoyed my last beer and my last meal together with my best friend. What a fitting act before my death. He said that if I wouldn't come back with him he would beat the living shit out of me. Heh... We both know that was not going to happen. He isn't the kind of person to harm a friend, even in this kind of scenario. But he wouldn't need to.
The bells were ringing. It was time. But there was something wrong. I was trembling... My hands and my legs were shaking.I wanted to run away from there. As far away as possible. I was afraid. Afraid of what was coming. For the first time in my life... I was afraid of death.
Why..? Of all the times to be afraid. Why now... I was already standing on the railroad with my friend trying to drag me away. I could se the traind coming closer by the second. I could hear it loud and clear. I stepped aside and watched the train pass us by.
How could this be? I was so determined. I was supposed to die! Why was I alive? The train was supposed to run over me. I was supposed to die...
With tears in my eyes I smashed my fist into the ground. I was furious, but also happy. I was screaming in misery, but also relieved.
What have I done... I have scared my best friends, all my teachers in my school. And her... I am despicable. I am trash that only have brought pain and agony to the people that actually matter to me. How am I supposed to look them into the eyes now... After all I had done.
It is now sunday as I'm writing this... I have lived 4 more days than I was supposed to. And I am going to see them all tomorrow... I don't know how it will go... I wasn't expecting this, so I don't know.
Thank you Reddit for reading this. | suicide |
347,835 | Why do I wanna be with my girl all the time I feel like she’s gonna get tired of me cause I’m always tryna hangout n what not...In my defense I enjoy her company!
Thanks for listening to my ted talk. | non-suicide |
347,836 | do any of you never text your friends? i never start conversations with any of my friends except for like 2 because i dont feel like i can start conversations and im afraid of being annoying or something. so i usually just wait until they hit me up, but it's been like 3 days and i havent talked to anyone. is this normal? | non-suicide |
347,837 | I'd like to get an opinion on something. I'm hoping at least one person can give me some helpful insight. I'm currently 17, I'll be 18 In 3 monthsish. I have ran into an opportunity to join in on a new business ran by my step-father. I have mixed feelings due to the possibility of my credit score dropping significantly making it even harder for me to start a life. But if it succeeds.... that could set me up for my future. Any advice would be great. | non-suicide |
347,841 | I’m worthless and a disappointment to everyone and I want to die and be forgottenI’m a disappointment to my friends my family and the one girl I ever loved. I have no real friends left and I wake up every day wishing I could just die. Nobody cares about me anymore and I have no future | suicide |
347,842 | My girlfriend is suicidal and I made it worse and I'm afraid to lose her...My girlfriend and I both suffer with depression and suicidal thoughts. We've been together for almost two years and it has been a lot of downs and ups. Between physical fights and hurtful arguments, bumps and bruises, mental and psychological scarring, we managed to love each other And try to make the best of it.
A month ago I started having panic/anxiety attacks because of all the things we've been through to the point of my mother coming to get me from her house. The moment she needed me the most I went home. The moment she needed me my mother told her that homosexuality is a sin which caused her to sink even deeper. (My family is Jamaican and deeply rooted in Christianity)
My girlfriend suffers from PCOS, being hearing impaired (and her hearing is currently getting worse), scalp psoriasis and sebhorric dermatitis. She is the only androgynous, heavily tattooed, biracial (black and Filipino), hearing impaired lesbian in her family and her family ignores her and doesn't make her feel like she's there. On top of that she's an only child and her parents don't even really give much of a damn about her and I've seen it first hand.
She feels so alone on a daily basis because everyone that has ever been in her life has done her wrong. People she's called best friends, cousins, girlfriends, have taken advantage of her and used her and dragged her name through the mud to the point of her isolation. The point of where she can't keep a steady job
Her biggest fear is her being alone for the rest of her life. She feels like she doesn't have a place anywhere. She feels like this is the life she's destined to live and she's scared and she wants to end it all. I've had to monitor her when she takes pills because she's overdosed before.
I slipped up by only thinking of myself and thinking that she didn't need me because of all the things we went through and how she made me feel. I didn't think she loved me that much. I ignored her crying for me before I left and the day I left.
I feel like utter crap. We have been unemployed for months because of our mental states. We have bills that are so backed up that our car might get repossessed, we've just lost the car insurance and or phone bills are way behind. I'm swimming in medical bills and her entire life is on the line.
I feel helpless and I've added on to her loneliness when all I wanted to do was be her all and to be her family. I've in turn made her feel like how everyone has made her feel.
I don't know what to do, but I know I don't want to lose her... | suicide |
347,844 | is sex real i don’t think it is | non-suicide |
347,846 | If you're here...Kill yourself, you worthless autists, no one will care. You are fucking worthless. | suicide |
347,847 | do me if im wrong but trump won right? oh he didnt??
😏😏😏😏 | non-suicide |
347,849 | I don't know what to doI need help, recently i've been really depressed. Over the years i've lost almost all my friends and im slowly losing the ones i still have because im constantly sad and lame and they've just had enough. I lost my girlfriend 2 weeks ago and it's really hurting me, i loved her so much she was the world to me and now she's just gone. My depression is getting so bad, all i feel is pain and sadness or nothing at all, i constantly think about killing myself and ive been close to doing it multiple times recently, i just really want to be dead so i can be free of all of this. | suicide |
347,850 | I think tonight will be the night.I've been waiting for an opportune moment to leave this place. I think that time will come tonight. I've been held together by threads for a few years now, and those threads have become unraveled.
The main thing that triggers it is isolation. I was safe when I was with my girlfriend because she was always around. So the thoughts would stay at bay. Now I don't have her anymore, and despite my best efforts to surround myself with people, tonight everyone is busy/occupied. I don't have anyone to latch on to, so I think I'm going to let go.
I don't know why I'm posting here. I never post anywhere. I guess part of me feels like I should make a responsible effort to try to make it not happen. I've been close enough to this moment in the past to know what comes next. Don't bother commenting with any of that pick-me-up bullshit; it's only going to aggravate me. If someone has a solid idea for how to make it through the next 12 hours, I'd like to hear it. Thank you. | suicide |