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blog30407 | Although I'm still sort of waiting for the axe to fall, because I figure it takes a little while for the effects of diet to show up, and I might still have an increase over the next week or so. Hope not, but I will TRY not to freak out if I do. | blog |
blog30407 | It occurred to me maybe I'm retaining water or whatever. Sure enough, consulting the calendar I saw that I'm 2-7 days before my period, so probably I am a little bloated, as well as possibly a little cranky. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:57 a.m. We've got the kitchen emptied out, and Bucko has gone upstairs to get dressed before we move the stove and frig. So it's going a little better than I expected, but slowly. | blog |
blog30407 | The sun is out today, and that will make all the difference in my mood. Much happier. I hope I can keep myself busy. | blog |
blog30407 | You'd think I could notice a big difference with ten pounds, but honestly that doesn't show up much on me. So who knows. | blog |
blog30407 | And as always with dieting, I don't think my numbers are good. Yes, in theory they're correct, but I don't think I will lose weight on 1300 calories, I think I would have to eat 800 calories. | blog |
blog30407 | that is delicious and satisfying. Yeah, that'll be easy to find. | blog |
blog30407 | 2:29 p.m. I finally have a blog up and running! | blog |
blog30407 | I don't know what fancy hotels in the States do, because I've never been to one, but I highly recommend this check-in procedure. It makes you feel important! Although I suppose there's so many people coming in and out of a hotel lobby in the States that they don't know who's a checking-in guest and who's not. At these resorts, you can't even get there without their boat, so they know who you are. | blog |
blog30407 | Had breakfast at the hotel. The buffet was in the little open air restaurant by the pool, not sure why they changed the location. Nice but not enough breeze. Today we may spend by the pool drinking and relaxing. Although I didn't sleep well last night, I am feeling considerably improved today. | blog |
blog30407 | Had a lovely lunch of two stuffed zucchini halves and an ounce of cheese. How do I know it was an ounce, you ask? Because I weighed it on the postage scale. Hee. | blog |
blog30407 | Anyway, I realized that there's still two pieces of chicken left and broccoli, and I can get something else cooked this afternoon so I'll have leftovers available again. And I can go to the store today and get more vegetables or shrimp or whatnot. | blog |
blog30407 | Had a delicious dinner on the flight. I resisted the salad dressing, the bread and butter, and had only half the chocolate cake they served for dessert. All the announcements are in French, then English, and then only as we got close to Tahiti, in Polynesian. | blog |
blog30407 | You know what this means. This means that I HAVE LOST WEIGHT. | blog |
blog30407 | I can't tell if they're going to feel better when they're broken in a little. Whatever, I'm going to have to put on my old shoes to finish gliding -- I can't do any more with this going on. | blog |
blog30407 | So yesterday wasn't too bad, I came in pretty low. Good, to help balance Tuesday. I'm glad I decided on that high-low pattern, because now when I have a large day I don't feel so horrible, I just think "have a low day to balance it." Today is the lecture on abstract art, and we might have snow. | blog |
blog30407 | Good thinking. We're planning on grocery shopping this morning, and I'm all into that. | blog |
blog30407 | They were delicious. I suppose I should feel guilty or something, but I don't. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm taping the Dr. Phil show so I can have it around for another day when there's nothing good on. Will probably exercise to Ellen today. | blog |
blog30407 | I feel very unmotivated today, very aimless. Probably because I haven't worked in so long. | blog |
blog30407 | I'd better cook a bunch of food today, because we'll almost certainly lose power. Grrr. | blog |
blog30407 | Feeling pretty good today. Slept well last night, that makes a big difference. | blog |
blog30407 | I'll have more muscle. Lower body fat. And WAY more confidence. | blog |
blog30407 | I mean, I am THRILLED to lose weight on my boobs, but I don't see them as the culprit that my gigantic stomach is. So anyway, first I thought the bra had just gotten a bit stretchy from old elastic, but no, the others are fitting the same way. | blog |
blog30407 | In other news, I am finished painting the closet. The paint really wants a couple days to harden, so hopefully I will be patient enough to let it sit tomorrow, and put everything away Thursday. It could happen. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm 100% sure this is entirely weather-based, because it's grey and cold and drizzly today, but I suddenly feel depressed and overwhelmed. There's so many things to do I can't pick one, and I feel like I will a) never get the house in shape to sell it, b) never again earn a paycheck, and c) never sell a single piece of furniture or paint a mural again for the rest of my life ever. Ever ever ever. Nevereverever. | blog |
blog30407 | 9:39 a.m. Just did twenty minutes of the Cindy Crawford video and it KILLED me. I don't know how I used to get through that thing. It's miserable. I'm going to glide for 15 minutes or so now, make sure I burn some calories. | blog |
blog30407 | Maybe I can do this the smart way, taking advantage of everyone else's experience, and vary my exercise and calories from the beginning. Almost the beginning. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm hoping that we're saving some money by eating at home, even though we're eating high quality food. Because it's not cheap! | blog |
blog30407 | Once again, too much wine. That was my highest day of calories so far. | blog |
blog30407 | However, I did another 200 calories on the glider, so that will help to compensate. Because I would like to have a little salad or something later, which will probably push me over 1800 calories for the day. | blog |
blog30407 | Every time I gain a little, which I notice by my clothes not fitting, I think "oh great, there's ANOTHER five pounds I'll have to lose," and conclude that it's impossible, fighting against the tide. Like I can't lose fast enough to even keep up with the gain. If you see what I mean. | blog |
blog30407 | 11:02 a.m. The water is helping. That's probably what I needed to do last week, drink a lot more water. | blog |
blog30407 | A sad result from my high-calorie day. Sad. | blog |
blog30407 | There's plenty in savings, but I hate going into that. But perhaps I need to remind myself that this is what the money is for, to get us over a lean time. And apparently they are NOT shutting down, and they ARE planning work for me. Nothing has changed, it's just a little slow right now. That's what part-time is about. | blog |
blog30407 | Had a nice time last night, but a little disappointing. When we got to Capper's, it turned out they were having problems with some sort of burst water pipe, and the restaurant was closed. Bummer for them! | blog |
blog30407 | 6:17 a.m. Thursday. Feeling pretty good today. | blog |
blog30407 | When it was finally over, I felt a bit lightheaded, which has never happened to me before. I toddled over to the snack and drink table, sat down, and started crying! | blog |
blog30407 | "As a 42-year old, 5 foot, 3 inch female, weighing 260 pounds, you need 2,102 calories every day to maintain your weight at your level of activity. In order to lose 1 pound a week, you should consume about 1,602 calories a day." | blog |
blog30407 | I think that's about right -- I'm halfway through my goal amount, and I have dinner left. That always tends to be the biggest meal. | blog |
blog30407 | I know I should start walking up the stairs. It kills me to walk up once, I'm not sure how many times I could do it. I suppose I have to start somewhere. | blog |
blog30407 | That will be a little hard to work, because I generally cook dinner for Bucko and myself, and that's where I spend the time in the kitchen. I don't want to do that twice a day. Perhaps I can keep the same meal times, but make the change in portion size. An idea, I keep it on ice for now. | blog |
blog30407 | I tried on the Measurement Pants again before the workout, to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. No, I'm not. They're still difficult to button, but I CAN button them, and zip them, and almost wear them. | blog |
blog30407 | If you can't see the parallel here with driving, God help you. Actually, God help me, because I have to be on the road with you. | blog |
blog30407 | Oh, now and then it seems like a great deprivation, when I'm craving something greasy and salty and oily. But those cravings go away in a couple minutes. So now I feel like I won't lose weight because I'm not dieting anymore. But I'm NOT eager to start eating less food to "feel" like I'm dieting! | blog |
blog30407 | Well, actually I had given that up a long time ago. I agree with the fat acceptance idea, but on that site there's too much personal bickering and in-fighting. | blog |
blog30407 | I don't have to eat just because my stomach feels the teensiest bit empty. Also I want to have a glass of wine later this afternoon, so I need to leave room for that. | blog |
blog30407 | I get all my ideas from them; I'm not the originator of ideas. But the thing that really discourages me is that I never have any progress to write about. | blog |
blog30407 | I must point out that peanut butter is VERY high in calories. There's no sane amount of it you can eat. | blog |
blog30407 | I'll have to figure out the calories later (too drunk now) but it was very moderate for that type of restaurant. Damn, I rule! I rock! | blog |
blog30407 | I'm going to have protein today for lunch, since I did SensibleGym today, but I want to increase the amount of vegetables I'm eating. I was so pleasantly surprised to see my low calorie count on high-vegetable days. | blog |
blog30407 | I have 811 calories left for today. And I'm babbling again. | blog |
blog30407 | Tracy and Rhonda are the same people they always were. They're just thinner. That's it, just thinner. If they were assholes when fat, they're assholes now. | blog |
blog30407 | The chicken rice soup was too watery and so left me hungry, then lunch was about two hours late so that I was over-hungry and decided it was a good idea to get a giant hamburger. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I guess something like "Oh, I can go off plan once in a while. I'll just eat nothing tonight." | blog |
blog30407 | Speaking of goals, I wrote earlier that I wanted to set some, and also the rewards that go with. And I am sort of jealous of people's beautiful web sites. I'm thinking of putting this into html. Is that crazy? Yes it is. | blog |
blog30407 | I've done well otherwise since I got home, so I hope this is just some aberration while I get used to my diet again. My numbers don't come out badly, but still I'm not happy that I overate. | blog |
blog30407 | 11:39 a.m. I'm waiting for the paint guy to come and give us an estimate, and I feel at loose ends. Not sure what I'm going to do today. Maybe paint the entrance to the office -- it's such a dark red they would have to do several coats to cover it. It will be cheaper if I do that myself. | blog |
blog30407 | Improved self esteem and success. Which go together in a chicken-and-the-egg manner. | blog |
blog30407 | 7:26 p.m. Doing well with my eating now. | blog |
blog30407 | There's no element of it I can criticize or find lacking in any way -- not the writing, the acting, the sound, the pacing, the dialogue, the continuity, the lighting, or probably even the cleanliness of the restrooms on the soundstage. It's just perfect. And, again, Harrison Ford. | blog |
blog30407 | It freaks me out when I see other people losing 4 and 5 pounds in their first week, and I don't seem to have lost 4 pounds in three weeks. But, as always, I can't really tell whether that's true. | blog |
blog30407 | Well, I'm paraphrasing, but one gets the idea. Here is the definition: "Your BMR, or basal metabolic rate (metabolism), is the energy (measured in calories) expended by the body at rest to maintain normal bodily functions. This continual work makes up about 60-70% of the calories we use and includes the beating of our heart, respiration, and the maintenance of body temperature. Your BMR is influenced by a number of factors, including age, weight, height, gender, environmental temperature, dieting, and exercise habits." | blog |
blog30407 | I had a tiny handful of sunflower seeds, and the smallest measurement for them in the Netzer book is 1 ounce. So I figured, yeah I probably ate an ounce. For 170 calories! No way! | blog |
blog30407 | After the end of this week, I think I may recalculate my target calories. Maybe. I'm not taking exercise into account in my charts. What I did was roll in the glider/stair stepping I do into the "moderately active" category. However, I might recalculate for my basal rate (number of calories needed to survive while sitting on the sofa) and then chart my calories burned through a) my sedentary lifestyle and b) my deliberate exercise. | blog |
blog30407 | I've been really tempted to cheat on recording how much I'm drinking, and haven't even allowed myself that out. So I guess I'm just recommitting myself to this, re-promising that I'm not going to lie to myself. | blog |
blog30407 | So I feel very fat. But I know it's from working on the floor -- my hands are swollen. | blog |
blog30407 | The actual serving I ate might have had four or five chunks of tomato in it. How much of a whole tomato is that? | blog |
blog30407 | And most of all, I've exercised every day for about three months. That's HUGE. | blog |
blog30407 | It is NOT okay with me to lose a quarter of a pound a week. I'm afraid I really will have to buy a scale. | blog |
blog30407 | Eventually I decided to order them alphabetically, by title. Not by author, because that grouping is not necessarily relevant. I like the randomness of alpha by title. It would take me forever to link them all to Amazon or whatnot, so if you're interested, you can research them yourself. So here they are, finally: | blog |
blog30407 | Yes. I think I should. And perhaps I should look a few more pounds into the future. And also, I need to go eat breakfast. It's almost 8:00, I've been surfing and nattering for an hour. | blog |
blog30407 | Well, no, first I want to justify myself one more time, and then I'll settle down to the suffering quietly (yeah, right). So here's the thing - I don't eat any more than normal-weight people I've observed. | blog |
blog30407 | You know, that's why I'm not all feminine and girly, not because of personality but because I've never been able to be dainty and fragile. I guess I never will be, but oh it would be wonderful to buy something PRETTY. | blog |
blog30407 | Then MAYBE I will go weigh myself at the doctor's. Maybe. | blog |
blog30407 | When I can buy a 24 (of the same brand) that will be one goal accomplished. The Measurement Pants are a small 24, so that will serve. Then when I can buy a 22. Then an 18. And on down the line. | blog |
blog30407 | I'm planning on having a little notebook with me so that I can keep SOME sort of record, though since all our meals will be out, I won't be able to be super accurate. That's okay, I'll just make my best guesses as to WHAT I ate, and then when I get home I can try to figure out the numbers. | blog |
blog30407 | It pisses me off that people judge me, in all aspects of my character, based on this single physical attribute. I hate the societal pressure for women to lose weight to look good. | blog |
blog30407 | They apparently revamped the magazine this issue to include more entire-lifestyle stuff in addition to recipes. It's a typical magazine; lots of two-paragraph columns, but that's what I want in a magazine. I read so many books as it is, it won't hurt to do some lighter reading. And that reminds me that I want to make it out to the used book store this week and find some books for vacation. In particular some more John D. MacDonald. | blog |
blog30407 | The whole experience was kind of disturbing. Not the camera, me. | blog |
blog30407 | 8:59 a.m. Decided not to buy the tiles today. It's snowing again. And while there is probably a window of safe driving conditions, I simply cannot face going out into the cold and cleaning off my car, and then a 20 minute drive to the store. | blog |
blog30407 | Now I can't even get them closed. Not even if I laid on my back and exhaled. | blog |
blog30407 | I forgot that I'm doing my measurements monthly instead of weekly, so I did them this morning, with the usual confusing results. Lost the two inches in the waist that I inexplicably gained last week, lost half an inch in other places, gained half an inch in others. What the...? | blog |
blog30407 | Went back to chicken and rice soup today, with a dollop of mashed potatoes. Not bad. | blog |
blog30407 | If I hadn't had the drinks, I should probably be adding a little to it. How cool is that? | blog |
blog30407 | I'm trying to resist the mid morning snack, and am having cherry flavored seltzer water instead. That will also be my test to see if I get a headache. | blog |
blog30407 | I remember once, a year or so ago, I suddenly got a burst of energy for a couple weeks in a row. I have NO idea what caused it, but I ran around doing stuff all day. Cleaning, painting, building, driving, everything. I couldn't believe it. It seemed like "Aha, this is what other people feel like!" | blog |
blog30407 | Today I need to paint the red wall by the office (so the painters won't have to give it several coats), clean out the baker's rack so we can remove it from the kitchen so we can put the new floor down, do the bills so I can transfer money into checking, and something else that I've already forgotten. No, wait -- it's that I need to take "before" photos of myself. Like in a swimming suit. Oh yeah, that'll be fun. | blog |
blog30407 | There's a rangemaster who ensures the rules are followed; for instance, he or she calls and ends a cease fire, in which the shooters can walk out onto the field to retrieve their targets and put up new ones. For obvious reasons, no one is allowed to walk back to where the guns are during this cease fire. | blog |
blog30407 | For some reason I don't want to be perceived as an idle, wealthy woman who lunches. I'm not sure why, and perhaps I'll delve into that sometime, why I feel the need to explain my situation, but in the meantime I am reporting that No, I don't have that kind of life. I'm very grateful to be getting by as well as we are, but we're not rich by any means. | blog |
blog30407 | 7:23 a.m. Sunday. I guess I feel okay, except for being tired. I woke up at 5:00 a.m., and couldn't go back to sleep. | blog |
blog30407 | Anyway, that puts me at 150, which I think is a pretty good weight for me. When I get there, I can see how it feels. | blog |
blog30407 | So. Last week went VERY well. | blog |
blog30407 | Juice. If I feel like it. | blog |
blog30407 | I am doing WAY less than that. Way less. Like 10%. | blog |
blog30407 | I've lost at least 30 pounds, I've gone from a 26 to a 22, and my measurements are essentially the same as the first day? Nope, something's not right here. Feh. | blog |
blog30407 | As always in the past, I can't keep this up if it isn't doing anything. Don't worry, I'm not quitting today, I'm just whining a bit. I have made progress, I can't deny the Pants. | blog |
blog30407 | So I just need to be chill until I get to the supermarket. In the meantime, I'm going to go cut up some celery and carrots to have with hummus, and get the chicken defrosted. And all the exercise I'm doing is keeping my metabolism up, building muscles in my legs, and burning the hell out of those calories. So lighten up. | blog |
blog30407 | If my numbers are at all accurate, I don't think I'll achieve that. So I'm going to go with what my numbers say, erring on the more-lost side because of all the exercise I've been doing, and rely on my Measurement Pants. I'll keep pretend track of my weight until (and if) I get a scale. | blog |
blog30407 | One of the things I want most about losing weight is being able to buy clothes. I've never been all that interested in them (possibly because of my weight) and I think it would be just wonderful to go into a store and buy what I WANT, instead of the one thing in the whole store that will fit me. It would be so cool to feel like I look NORMAL. | blog |
blog30407 | I've spent all morning downloading documents. Bah. | blog |