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1,100
5
Morty
: Ahem. Excuse me! We are two humble heroes in search of adventure!
1,101
5
Rick
: Oh, my God, so embarrassing.
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5
Villager (man)
: At last! Two heroes! You must help us! This village is terribly poor, yet the giant that lives in the clouds above has untold treasures!
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5
Morty
: You know what? I accept your call to adventure, good sir, kind sir. Come on, Rick. There's a giant in the clouds!
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5
Rick
: Yeah. Beginner's luck.
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5
Meeseeks 1
: In conclusion, a friendship with Summer Smith is the most valuable and enriching experience of your young lives. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! Thank you!
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Principal Gene V.
: Uh, Mr. Meeseeks, was it? Yeah. Gene Vagina. Listen, I'm in a bit of custody thing with my ex and was wondering- (Meeseeks 1 stops existing)- No, I'll get your info from Summer.
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5
Beth
: I got pregnant at 17. I mean, I still put myself through veterinary school. Yes, I'm successful, but what if I hadn't...-(Meeseeks 2 stares attentively)- I'm just saying, somewhere along the way, I lost that wide-eyed girl from muskegon.
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Meeseeks 2
: She's still there, Beth.
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Beth
: Well, her waistline isn't.
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Meeseeks 2
: Beth, having a family doesn't mean that you stop being an individual. You know the best thing you can do for people that depend on you? Be honest with them, even if it means setting them free.
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Beth
: You're saying I should leave Jerry. (Beth starts to cry) I can't believe I'm finally having this conversation.
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Waiter (man)
: More wine?
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Beth
: I think I've had enough.
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Meeseeks 3
: Remember to square your shoulders, Jerry.
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Jerry
: Yeah, yeah. I got it.
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Meeseeks 3
: That's okay. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! Try again and keep your head down.
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Jerry
: Okay, well, which is it? Square my shoulders or keep my head down?
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Meeseeks 3
: Well, it's both. But most importantly, you got to relax.
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Jerry
: You know what, Mr. Meeseeks? I don't think this is working. I give up.
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5
Meeseeks 3 (nervous)
: I'm sorry, Jerry, but it doesn't work like that. I'm Mr. Meeseeks. I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away. Look at me.
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Jerry
: Well, make yourself comfortable, because I suck.
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Meeseeks 3
: No, Jerry, I'm the one who SUCKS! Let me try something.
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5
Meeseeks 4
: I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
1,124
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Meeseeks 3
: Hi, Mr. Meeseeks! I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.
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5
Meeseeks 4
: Hi!
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Meeseeks 3
: Can you help me get two strokes off of Jerry's golf swing?
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Meeseeks 4
: Can do! I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Is he keeping his shoulders squared?
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Meeseeks 3
: Ooh, he's trying!
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5
Rick
: All right, Morty. We're in your stupid giant's castle. What do we do next?
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Morty
: Would you just relax, Rick? All we got to do is find the treasure room, okay? It's nice and simple. You know, I'm sorry everything's going so smoothly and adventurously.
1,131
5
Rick (sarcastic)
: Uh-oh, Morty. Startin' to get a little hairy. What do you want to do, boss?
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5
Morty
: Come on, hurry. Behind this cookie jar.
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Giant
: Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
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Rick
: Just give up, Morty. This is game over. I'll take us home right now. You just say the word.
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5
Morty
: No way, Rick. This is all part of it. Adventures have conflict. Deal with it.
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Giant
: I smell the blood of- whoop!(the giant falls and cracks his head open on the table corner before hitting the ground)
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Morty
: Holy crap.
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Rick
: Oh, boy. He looks pretty bad down there, Morty. Looks like he's bleeding out.
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5
Giant woman
: Oh, Jesus! Dale! You sons of bitches! Oh, man. Hello, 911? My husband has been attacked by tiny people! He's dying!
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Detective
: Hey, look, we get it. You're little, you're down on your luck, you think, "hey, he's a giant. Why don't we break into his home, rob him, and murder him?"
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5
Morty
: Th-th but that's not how it went down!
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Detective
: Oh, well, it's going down like that. You're both going down like that.
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Rick
: Ooh, boy, Morty, you're really showing me how it's done. Real straightforward and fun.
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Summer
: Like, letting go of the need to be popular is what makes people like you.
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Beth
: The most important love you can receive is from yourself.
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5
Meeseeks
: Okay, Jerry, you got to just choke up on the club!
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Jerry
: Well, which is it, choke up or follow-through?!
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Meeseeks
: Aww, come on, Jerry, we've been over this. You know you got to do both! This is as frustrating for us as it is for you.
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Jerry
: Don't tell me that! That just puts pressure on me!
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Meeseeks
: Just try to relax.
1,151
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Jerry
: You try to relax! Have you ever tried to relax?! It is a paradox! (Jerry walks to the dinning room) Ugh, these Meeseeks, huh? Kind of a handful. I can't imagine what you two must be going through.
1,152
5
Beth
: Our Meeseeks have been gone for hours, Jerry.
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Jerry
: You're kidding me.
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5
Beth
: Notice anything different?
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Jerry
: I'm sorry. Hours?
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Summer
: Dad, mom is a beautiful woman! Look at her! You will lose her!
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5
Meeseeks
: Uhh... Hey, Jerry, you mind if we get back to the task at hand? Meeseeks don't usually have to exist this long. It's getting weird.
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Judge
: Order in the court! Before the jury reaches its verdict, I just want to say that I consider you both very guilty.
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5
Rick (sarcastic)
: Oh, great adventure, buddy. Rick and Morty go to giant prison. You know, if somebody drops the soap, it's gonna land on our heads and crush our spines, Morty. You know, it'll be really easy to rape us after that.
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5
Morty
: We're gonna be okay, Rick.
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Rick
: How? They took my portal gun. This is an open-and-shut case, Morty. You know, what do you think's gonna happen, some magical angel's gonna show up and then-(the court doors burst open and a giant in a suit walks down the isle.)
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5
Giant Lawyer
: Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! I smell the violation of civil liberties! Your honor, I'm from a tiny-persons advocacy group and I have here in my hand a motion to dismiss. These little men were never read their giant rights and are therefore free-fi to fo-home.
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5
Rick
: W-what the hell is he talking about?
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Giant Lawyer
: They're free to go, is what I meant. I'm deconstructing our our our thing we say. We're giants. Nobody got that? Whatever.
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Morty
: Oh, man, what did I tell you, Rick? We did it!
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5
Rick
: All right, Morty, looks like the portal gun's still working. You ready to head home?
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5
Morty
: Oh, yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Rick? Well, you know what? We're not bailing out just yet. You know, we're gonna go find some treasure or something and and we're gonna bring it to those villagers.
1,168
5
Rick
: Morty, cut your losses. This is obviously awash.
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Morty
: Yeah, you were saying that back when we first got arrested, but here we are, you know, walking down the courthouse steps.
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5
Rick
: Oh, boy, Morty.
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Morty
: Usually, walking down the courthouse steps is the easy part of the adventure.
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5
Rick
: What do you say, Morty?
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Morty
: I say give me a hand, sidekick.
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Jerry
: Everybody shut up! Let me try! (Jerry swings and misses again) Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
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5
Beth
: I'm going out.
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Jerry
: Wait. What?
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Beth
: Well, you're busy. I'm hungry. I thought I'd go out. Do you want me to be happy or do you want me to be in prison?
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5
Jerry
: Whoa, whoa, where in the hell is, I'll take you to dinner.
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All the Meeseeks
: AWWWWWWW!
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5
Jerry
: Hey, you know what? It's hard being me, too. I'll be right there. Look, I've got a marriage to keep together. At this point, my golf swing is more your problem than mine.
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Meeseeks
: I can't take it anymore. I just want to die!
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5
Meeseeks *
: We all want to die! We're Meeseeks! Why did you even rope me into this?
1,183
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Meeseeks *
: 'Cause he roped me into this!
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5
Meeseeks *
: Well, him over there, he roped me into this!
1,185
5
Meeseeks *
:Well, he roped me into this!
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5
Meeseeks *
: Well, what about me? He roped me into this.
1,187
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Meeseeks *
: Well, that one over there roped me into this.
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5
Meeseeks *
: Well, he roped me into this.
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Rick
: Yeah, Morty, this is the part of the story everybody loves scaling down 650,000 oversized steps.
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5
Morty
: All right, okay, you know, if this was a story, this part wouldn't be included, stupid. (They see an opening in one of the steps) Hey, Rick, what do you know? Look down there. Looks like some kind of tavern or something built right into the side of the step.
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Morty
: Oh, wow, Rick. Now, this is more like it. Look, there's little staircase-shaped people in here. All kinds of crazy characters. This place is great, you know? It's whimsical and fun.
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Rick
: What are you looking at, motherfucker?
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Morty
: Easy, Rick.
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Waitress
: Pay them no mind. Those stair goblins can be moody. Now, what can I getcha? We've got skarlog poppies, flurlow, halzingers, bloogies, juicy time babies.
1,195
5
Rick
: Yeah, yeah, yeah, how about some scotch whiskey? You got any of that around here? Or just a bunch of nonsense words?
1,196
5
Morty
: Rick... We'll have two bloogies, please. And, uh, we were wondering, is there a faster way two heroes could get down these stairs?
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Slippery
: Y'all need to ride down the stairs? My name is slippely-slippery stair. I'll take you down there for 25 shmeckels.
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Rick
: 25 shmeckels? I don't know how much I don't know what that is. Is that a lot? Is it a little?
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Waitress
: That's exactly how much I spent on my big fake boobies.