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A Hard Decision

It’s everywhere. In my body and in my brain. It’s just a mess – it isn’t thoughts or emotions, it’s just too big.

Mmmm.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A Hard Decision###Input:It’s everywhere. In my body and in my brain. It’s just a mess – it isn’t thoughts or emotions, it’s just too big.###Response:Mmmm.

A Hard Decision

I think it’s worse – the idea that I would just opt out, even though it’s hard.

This might sound strange, but I wonder if the comfort is in the idea of opting out, rather than what it would actually look like to opt out.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A Hard Decision###Input:I think it’s worse – the idea that I would just opt out, even though it’s hard.###Response:This might sound strange, but I wonder if the comfort is in the idea of opting out, rather than what it would actually look like to opt out.

A Hard Decision

Maybe. Both of them feel so difficult. It’s hard to know.

What would it look like to have a 100% conviction in either?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A Hard Decision###Input:Maybe. Both of them feel so difficult. It’s hard to know. ###Response:What would it look like to have a 100% conviction in either?

A Hard Decision

I don’t know. Both of the options are loaded. The rock and the hard place – I know what that means now.

I wonder if that’s the bit that we can bring acceptance to – not the choice, but in recognising that neither choice will feel 100% right or comfortable – not because of you, but because of the nature of the thing itself.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:A Hard Decision###Input: I don’t know. Both of the options are loaded. The rock and the hard place – I know what that means now.###Response:I wonder if that’s the bit that we can bring acceptance to – not the choice, but in recognising that neither choice will feel 100% right or comfortable – not because of you, but because of the nature of the thing itself.

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

It’s the pain again. I am feeling tortured. The only moments of respite I ever have is when I am knocked out. Even now, I can’t get a second’s respite from this.

I can see how hard it is for you each moment, even in the time since I have come in the room, I see the ways that it is making it almost impossible to focus on anything else, even for a second. I suspect that this might be a stupid question, but is anything helping at the moment?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:It’s the pain again. I am feeling tortured. The only moments of respite I ever have is when I am knocked out. Even now, I can’t get a second’s respite from this. ###Response:I can see how hard it is for you each moment, even in the time since I have come in the room, I see the ways that it is making it almost impossible to focus on anything else, even for a second. I suspect that this might be a stupid question, but is anything helping at the moment?

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

No. Well, I had a brief reprieve last night when the nurse put a hot pack on my neck, and for a couple of seconds it was almost too hot to stay there, and I could focus on that for a bit, and I was almost a bit hopeful that it would shift it, but then it was back, and it sounds stupid, but it was worse.

That doesn’t sound stupid at all. You allowed yourself to connect with a glimmer that things might be different.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:No. Well, I had a brief reprieve last night when the nurse put a hot pack on my neck, and for a couple of seconds it was almost too hot to stay there, and I could focus on that for a bit, and I was almost a bit hopeful that it would shift it, but then it was back, and it sounds stupid, but it was worse. ###Response:"That doesn’t sound stupid at all. You allowed yourself to connect with a glimmer that things might be different.

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

I can’t allow myself that kind of hope anymore. It was worse all last night – the pain, the thoughts all of it.

When you say the thoughts, are we talking about the ‘dark thoughts’ that you had mentioned a couple of weeks ago? On those really bad days.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:I can’t allow myself that kind of hope anymore. It was worse all last night – the pain, the thoughts all of it.###Response:When you say the thoughts, are we talking about the ‘dark thoughts’ that you had mentioned a couple of weeks ago? On those really bad days.

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

Kind of. This is going to sound really dark, but there isn’t much time when I am not hoping that those bad thoughts happen now.

The death stuff?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:Kind of. This is going to sound really dark, but there isn’t much time when I am not hoping that those bad thoughts happen now.###Response:The death stuff?

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

Yeah

It sounds like the fear of those thoughts has shifted?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:Yeah###Response:It sounds like the fear of those thoughts has shifted?

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

It’s another stupid thing Do you mind passing that pillow across? Where was I?

The ways that the thoughts have shifted?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:It’s another stupid thing Do you mind passing that pillow across? Where was I?###Response:The ways that the thoughts have shifted?

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

Yeah. How long have I known you? Five years or so? Almost all of that time I have been fighting with you about not allowing these thoughts about death in – you have always wanted me to go there, and I have fought it. But now, they are there all the time. And it’s not so bad.

This might sound strange – but do they feel comforting?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:Yeah. How long have I known you? Five years or so? Almost all of that time I have been fighting with you about not allowing these thoughts about death in – you have always wanted me to go there, and I have fought it. But now, they are there all the time. And it’s not so bad.###Response:This might sound strange – but do they feel comforting?

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

You know what, they do. How is that?

Are you okay? Should we take a break?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:You know what, they do. How is that?###Response:Are you okay? Should we take a break?

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

No point. It isn’t going to change. This is it, all day every day.

I can see why the death thoughts might feel comforting right now.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:No point. It isn’t going to change. This is it, all day every day.###Response:I can see why the death thoughts might feel comforting right now.

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

Tell me about it. If I could end it right now, I would. But, I can’t I am stuck here, until something breaks, or the tumours finally push into something that is going to kill me. I wish for that every night when I go to sleep.

What stops you ending it?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:Tell me about it. If I could end it right now, I would. But, I can’t I am stuck here, until something breaks, or the tumours finally push into something that is going to kill me. I wish for that every night when I go to sleep.###Response:What stops you ending it?

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

That’s a good question. I could, couldn’t I? I could ask the team for more drugs, and people have talked about being able to request terminal sedation – but how would I know when the right time is? I can make sense of just going off to sleep one day and not waking up, but actively deciding to do it … I don’t know. That feels like something else.

It’s the ultimate control decision, isn’t it? I think most people would find it hard to make that call – but it sounds like you are sitting in a really tough space between having an option, but that option not being a good option either. It doesn’t feel like there is an easy path. And you know what I always say about the algebra stuff …

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:That’s a good question. I could, couldn’t I? I could ask the team for more drugs, and people have talked about being able to request terminal sedation – but how would I know when the right time is? I can make sense of just going off to sleep one day and not waking up, but actively deciding to do it … I don’t know. That feels like something else.###Response:It’s the ultimate control decision, isn’t it? I think most people would find it hard to make that call – but it sounds like you are sitting in a really tough space between having an option, but that option not being a good option either. It doesn’t feel like there is an easy path. And you know what I always say about the algebra stuff …

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

I know, while the pain is punching me in the face, it’s almost impossible to work through this.

Yup. I don’t think that anyone could make these decisions easily at any time, let alone in the face of what you are managing – and all of the stuff that comes with it. The pain is the rock in the pond – but it brings with it anxiety, sleep deprivation, desperation, panic, and a million other things.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:I know, while the pain is punching me in the face, it’s almost impossible to work through this.###Response:Yup. I don’t think that anyone could make these decisions easily at any time, let alone in the face of what you are managing – and all of the stuff that comes with it. The pain is the rock in the pond – but it brings with it anxiety, sleep deprivation, desperation, panic, and a million other things.

When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.

You must be so sick of me talking about this.

I absolutely am not , but I am curious as to why you might think that?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:When Death Takes Too Long: It is perhaps a strange idea, but one of the things that comes up in teams that work with people at the end of life is the very real recognition that sometimes the worst thing that happens to people isn’t death – it is the suffering that precedes it.###Input:You must be so sick of me talking about this.###Response:"I absolutely am not , but I am curious as to why you might think that?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Wow, I’ve really tried a lot of different things. I guess I’ve also tried therapy, and I’ve tried to just ignore it.

Let’s add those to the list—therapy and ignoring. What else?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Wow, I’ve really tried a lot of different things. I guess I’ve also tried therapy, and I’ve tried to just ignore it.###Response: Let’s add those to the list—therapy and ignoring. What else?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Well, I guess I’ve tried to hide it by not letting people see my hands shake.

Okay, hiding... Other things?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Well, I guess I’ve tried to hide it by not letting people see my hands shake.###Response: Okay, hiding... Other things?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I’m sure there are others. I just can’t think of them right now.

There are probably a lot more. We may come across them as we keep working, and we can add them to the list then. So, here we have this pretty extensive list... One thing is clear: You’ve definitely put a lot of effort into fixing your anxiety.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:I’m sure there are others. I just can’t think of them right now.###Response: There are probably a lot more. We may come across them as we keep working, and we can add them to the list then. So, here we have this pretty extensive list... One thing is clear: You’ve definitely put a lot of effort into fixing your anxiety.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah, I guess I have. Maybe I just haven’t put enough effort in yet. Maybe I need to try harder?

Let me ask you, have you tried hard? From my perspective, you’ve tried tremendously hard. The list of things you’ve tried is very long. I wonder if we need to add “try harder” to the list of things you’ve tried?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yeah, I guess I have. Maybe I just haven’t put enough effort in yet. Maybe I need to try harder?###Response: Let me ask you, have you tried hard? From my perspective, you’ve tried tremendously hard. The list of things you’ve tried is very long. I wonder if we need to add “try harder” to the list of things you’ve tried?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah, even though I often think of myself as lazy, when I look at it now, I see that I’ve done a lot to try to deal with this.

Okay, so now we have “try harder” in this long list. Again, I want to be clear: it’s not that you haven’t put in enough effort... But something seems strange here. Look at all of these things you’ve tried, and yet here you are, still struggling with anxiety. In fact, can you name one thing on this list that has solved your anxiety problem in any long-term kind of way?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yeah, even though I often think of myself as lazy, when I look at it now, I see that I’ve done a lot to try to deal with this.###Response: Okay, so now we have “try harder” in this long list. Again, I want to be clear: it’s not that you haven’t put in enough effort... But something seems strange here. Look at all of these things you’ve tried, and yet here you are, still struggling with anxiety. In fact, can you name one thing on this list that has solved your anxiety problem in any long-term kind of way?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Well, I guess anxiety management worked.

It seems as though if that had worked, you wouldn’t be here right now. Why not just do more anxiety management and call it good?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Well, I guess anxiety management worked.###Response: It seems as though if that had worked, you wouldn’t be here right now. Why not just do more anxiety management and call it good?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I need you to remind me how to do anxiety management. I’ve forgotten most of it.

Let’s look at that. Have you been reminded before?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: I need you to remind me how to do anxiety management. I’ve forgotten most of it.###Response: Let’s look at that. Have you been reminded before?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah, lots of times.

How about we add that to the list of things that you’ve tried that haven’t worked. I could remind you, but it seems you would need to be reminded again, and then again. Does that seem true to you?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Yeah, lots of times.###Response: How about we add that to the list of things that you’ve tried that haven’t worked. I could remind you, but it seems you would need to be reminded again, and then again. Does that seem true to you?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah, I do forget a lot. Can you see what a pain this is for me? I just need to figure it out

How long have you been trying to figure this out?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Yeah, I do forget a lot. Can you see what a pain this is for me? I just need to figure it out ###Response: How long have you been trying to figure this out?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Oh, about thirty years.

It seems that you’ve spent a lot of time “figuring it out.” So I’ll add that to the list of things you’ve tried as well. If you’ve been trying to figure it out for thirty years, it seems that would have worked by now.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Oh, about thirty years.###Response: It seems that you’ve spent a lot of time “figuring it out.” So I’ll add that to the list of things you’ve tried as well. If you’ve been trying to figure it out for thirty years, it seems that would have worked by now.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

You’re the therapist, you tell me what works.

Ah, that’s a great strategy: get information from someone else about how to solve this. Yet here we are. You said you’ve been to therapy and you’ve read books. You’ve tried to get information, and that didn’t solve it. So let’s add that one to the list, too: getting information from others. The list is growing.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: You’re the therapist, you tell me what works.###Response: Ah, that’s a great strategy: get information from someone else about how to solve this. Yet here we are. You said you’ve been to therapy and you’ve read books. You’ve tried to get information, and that didn’t solve it. So let’s add that one to the list, too: getting information from others. The list is growing.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

This is frustrating. There must be something that works, right?

I hear your frustration. Can we stick with this a bit longer?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: This is frustrating. There must be something that works, right?###Response:I hear your frustration. Can we stick with this a bit longer?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah, we can, but I don’t see where this is going.

Okay, so you asked me a question about what works. That’s another way to try to get information from someone else. Have you asked questions to try to get information before? How many questions have you asked about anxiety?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Yeah, we can, but I don’t see where this is going.###Response: Okay, so you asked me a question about what works. That’s another way to try to get information from someone else. Have you asked questions to try to get information before? How many questions have you asked about anxiety?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Tons

So asking questions goes on the list.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Tons###Response: So asking questions goes on the list.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Something must work. Why would people go to therapy? You just need to help me understand.

So, if you understand anxiety better, then that will solve your problem?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Something must work. Why would people go to therapy? You just need to help me understand.###Response: So, if you understand anxiety better, then that will solve your problem?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I understand anxiety pretty well.

So it seems understanding this better isn’t working, either, and...

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: I understand anxiety pretty well.###Response: So it seems understanding this better isn’t working, either, and...

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I know, that goes on the list. Well, maybe I should just go home if nothing works.

I hear your mind suggesting that as a solution, but let me have you notice that staying home is already on the list. You’ve listened to that suggestion from your mind as well. So it seems that staying home hasn’t worked either.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: I know, that goes on the list. Well, maybe I should just go home if nothing works. ###Response: I hear your mind suggesting that as a solution, but let me have you notice that staying home is already on the list. You’ve listened to that suggestion from your mind as well. So it seems that staying home hasn’t worked either.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Well, hell then, there’s nothing left to do. I give up.

Have you given up before?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Well, hell then, there’s nothing left to do. I give up. ###Response: Have you given up before?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yes. Go ahead, put that one on the list too.

Yeah, giving up hasn’t solved this problem either.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Yes. Go ahead, put that one on the list too.###Response: Yeah, giving up hasn’t solved this problem either.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

This is frustrating.

I can see that. I imagine I might be frustrated too.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: This is frustrating.###Response: I can see that. I imagine I might be frustrated too.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I guess I just have to accept it.

Hang in here with me... Have you tried just accepting it before?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: I guess I just have to accept it.###Response: Hang in here with me... Have you tried just accepting it before?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Oh no, not again. Isn’t this called acceptance and commitment therapy?

Sure is. But have you tried acceptance before?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Oh no, not again. Isn’t this called acceptance and commitment therapy?###Response: Sure is. But have you tried acceptance before?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yes

And it didn’t work to solve your anxiety, or you wouldn’t be here. We’re kind of getting to a place where nothing works. You’ve tried all these things and nothing has worked to solve your anxiety. And you don’t have to believe it because I’m saying it. Look back across the years and tell me, based on your experience with all of these strategies, what has worked?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yes###Response:And it didn’t work to solve your anxiety, or you wouldn’t be here. We’re kind of getting to a place where nothing works. You’ve tried all these things and nothing has worked to solve your anxiety. And you don’t have to believe it because I’m saying it. Look back across the years and tell me, based on your experience with all of these strategies, what has worked?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Well, some of them work a little bit.

Absolutely. A lot of things you’ve tried make you feel better in the short run. You can even drink and feel better for a bit. But then what happens?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Well, some of them work a little bit.###Response: Absolutely. A lot of things you’ve tried make you feel better in the short run. You can even drink and feel better for a bit. But then what happens?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

It comes back.

And then you have to do what?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: It comes back. ###Response: And then you have to do what?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Try harder.

But we already know that trying harder doesn’t work. It isn’t because of lack of effort that you’re sitting here with me today. That’s for sure.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Try harder.###Response: But we already know that trying harder doesn’t work. It isn’t because of lack of effort that you’re sitting here with me today. That’s for sure.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I’m lost. I don’t know what to do.

What do you bump up against when you feel lost?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:I’m lost. I don’t know what to do.###Response: What do you bump up against when you feel lost?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

It’s hopeless. There is nothing to be done.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: It’s hopeless. There is nothing to be done.###Response: Now we’re getting somewhere.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

You must be kidding me. I’m lost, and you think we’re getting somewhere?

Maybe lost is a good place to be, at least right now. Not knowing means that perhaps something different can take place. If you did know, I suspect we’d have to add it to the list of things that don’t work because you would have already tried it. And I don’t want to take you back to what hasn’t worked. So for now, perhaps lost is a place to be. But it’s a creative place because from this place maybe, just maybe, something new can happen.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:You must be kidding me. I’m lost, and you think we’re getting somewhere?###Response:Maybe lost is a good place to be, at least right now. Not knowing means that perhaps something different can take place. If you did know, I suspect we’d have to add it to the list of things that don’t work because you would have already tried it. And I don’t want to take you back to what hasn’t worked. So for now, perhaps lost is a place to be. But it’s a creative place because from this place maybe, just maybe, something new can happen.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I have done everything I can and still the problem is not solved!

Let me suggest something: If this were an easy, obvious problem to solve, you would have figured it out.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:I have done everything I can and still the problem is not solved!###Response: Let me suggest something: If this were an easy, obvious problem to solve, you would have figured it out.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

I think so. Yeah.

You’re a smart, capable person. You’ve been struggling with this a good portion of your life. And you know directly that there’s something inherently tricky about this problem. For example, even noticing that something isn’t there is enough to create it. It’s like, “Oh, I’m feeling better... Oh no...no I’m not.” Let’s look at what was on this list of things you’ve done to manage anxiety. There was distracting, reassurance, talking yourself out of it, avoiding it, and perhaps some other things we haven’t talked about yet. See if they all have this characteristic in common: They can, at certain times, be a little helpful... And ultimately they’re not that helpful.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:I think so. Yeah. ###Response: You’re a smart, capable person. You’ve been struggling with this a good portion of your life. And you know directly that there’s something inherently tricky about this problem. For example, even noticing that something isn’t there is enough to create it. It’s like, “Oh, I’m feeling better... Oh no...no I’m not.” Let’s look at what was on this list of things you’ve done to manage anxiety. There was distracting, reassurance, talking yourself out of it, avoiding it, and perhaps some other things we haven’t talked about yet. See if they all have this characteristic in common: They can, at certain times, be a little helpful... And ultimately they’re not that helpful.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah

They don’t solve it.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yeah. ###Response: They don’t solve it.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

No. I know that.

And see if even this isn’t true: They can work for a short period of time, and they might make it worse in a moderate or longer period of time. For example, if you do something to distract yourself, sooner or later you have to check to see if it worked. And then when you check to see if it worked, it will remind you of what you were trying to forget... And then it’s back.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:No. I know that.###Response: And see if even this isn’t true: They can work for a short period of time, and they might make it worse in a moderate or longer period of time. For example, if you do something to distract yourself, sooner or later you have to check to see if it worked. And then when you check to see if it worked, it will remind you of what you were trying to forget... And then it’s back.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah, sometimes I’ll be thinking, “Okay, I’m going to distract myself. Let’s think about something fun.” So I think, “Skiing, riding down the hill, getting to the lodge, hanging with friends at the lodge... Oh crap! Okay, start over.”

Yeah.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: Yeah, sometimes I’ll be thinking, “Okay, I’m going to distract myself. Let’s think about something fun.” So I think, “Skiing, riding down the hill, getting to the lodge, hanging with friends at the lodge... Oh crap! Okay, start over.” ###Response: Yeah

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Or sometimes I’ll notice I’m feeling better, and then it will be back.

Yeah. And here’s the problem: You talked about the tricks your mind plays on you. The problem is, your mind is in the room, not just you.So you’re doing a lot of stuff your mind is telling you to do. And yet it’s in the room, listening to what we’re saying.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Or sometimes I’ll notice I’m feeling better, and then it will be back. ###Response: Yeah. And here’s the problem: You talked about the tricks your mind plays on you. The problem is, your mind is in the room, not just you.So you’re doing a lot of stuff your mind is telling you to do. And yet it’s in the room, listening to what we’re saying.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

It knows.

Yeah. It knows what’s going on, right?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input: It knows.###Response: Yeah. It knows what’s going on, right?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah

But it doesn’t seem to be able to give you ultimate, final answers. If anything, it seems to torment you. It reminds you of some random memory you don’t want to think about.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yeah###Response: But it doesn’t seem to be able to give you ultimate, final answers. If anything, it seems to torment you. It reminds you of some random memory you don’t want to think about.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

And I can’t logically make it go away. I think I understand what you’re saying. I know what I’m thinking isn’t logical, but it just doesn’t get through.

Right, because this isn’t just a logical deal, it’s a psychological deal. And that’s not the same thing. So let’s put these things together. We need to carve out some space here in which to work. I want you to consider the possibility that you’ve pretty much exhausted the things that seem logical, reasonable, or sensible. They pay off like this. They don’t pay off in some other way.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:"And I can’t logically make it go away. I think I understand what you’re saying. I know what I’m thinking isn’t logical, but it just doesn’t get through."###Response: Right, because this isn’t just a logical deal, it’s a psychological deal. And that’s not the same thing. So let’s put these things together. We need to carve out some space here in which to work. I want you to consider the possibility that you’ve pretty much exhausted the things that seem logical, reasonable, or sensible. They pay off like this. They don’t pay off in some other way.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

No, they don’t.

They pay off like this. And if that’s the case, then we’re going to have to open up the possibility that a whole other approach is needed. And yet we’ve got a mind in the room that will say, “Oh yeah, I get that,” and try to pull whatever we do back into the same system. So, you know what quicksand is, right?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:No, they don’t. ###Response: They pay off like this. And if that’s the case, then we’re going to have to open up the possibility that a whole other approach is needed. And yet we’ve got a mind in the room that will say, “Oh yeah, I get that,” and try to pull whatever we do back into the same system. So, you know what quicksand is, right?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah

When people step in it, they do the normal, logical, reasonable, sensible thing: they try to get out of it.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yeah ###Response: When people step in it, they do the normal, logical, reasonable, sensible thing: they try to get out of it.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Which makes it worse.

Yeah. The normal way to get out of things is to push to get out. The problem is, when you do that with quicksand, it just sinks you in deeper. Pushing on the one foot didn’t work, so you push on the other. Now you’vegot two of them in there. Maybe it’s like that. Maybe the things you’ve been doing are like the normal, logical, reasonable, sensible things people do when they are stuck in quicksand. And in fact, it’s not liberating you; if anything, it’s making you more stuck. So if that’s true, we have to find something that might work that’s outside the set of all the things that might work. You know what I mean?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Which makes it worse. ###Response: Yeah. The normal way to get out of things is to push to get out. The problem is, when you do that with quicksand, it just sinks you in deeper. Pushing on the one foot didn’t work, so you push on the other. Now you’vegot two of them in there. Maybe it’s like that. Maybe the things you’ve been doing are like the normal, logical, reasonable, sensible things people do when they are stuck in quicksand. And in fact, it’s not liberating you; if anything, it’s making you more stuck. So if that’s true, we have to find something that might work that’s outside the set of all the things that might work. You know what I mean?

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah. So, what are we going to do, then?

Well, your experience is telling you, “I do something, and it doesn’t pay off. It pays off short term and it doesn’t pay off long term.” And really, the problem just keeps hanging around. Sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s worse, but here it is. And you’re trying not to let it grow. But it’s still here, and you’re stuck.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yeah. So, what are we going to do, then? ###Response: Well, your experience is telling you, “I do something, and it doesn’t pay off. It pays off short term and it doesn’t pay off long term.” And really, the problem just keeps hanging around. Sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s worse, but here it is. And you’re trying not to let it grow. But it’s still here, and you’re stuck.

Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance

Yeah

Well, I want to open the door and say, “You know that sense you have that you’re stuck? Well, maybe you have that because you really are stuck.” This game is a stuck game. It’s not going to work some other way. It works like this. You know in your experience how things have worked. If you back up and look at it, it almost seems like this is a rigged game. In other areas of your life, you put in the effort and get the outcome. Not here. So we’ll need to do something really different.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Creative Hopelessness with a Client Who Has a Pervasive History of Experiential Avoidance ###Input:Yeah###Response:Well, I want to open the door and say, “You know that sense you have that you’re stuck? Well, maybe you have that because you really are stuck.” This game is a stuck game. It’s not going to work some other way. It works like this. You know in your experience how things have worked. If you back up and look at it, it almost seems like this is a rigged game. In other areas of your life, you put in the effort and get the outcome. Not here. So we’ll need to do something really different.

Establishing Control as the Problem

it was nice at the lake

So you had a good time this weekend at the lake?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Establishing Control as the Problem ###Input:it was nice at the lake###Response: So you had a good time this weekend at the lake?

Establishing Control as the Problem

Yes, it was a lot of fun. I hiked and went swimming. I really got to take a break... But I was alone, and that was kind of a bummer.

You were alone? I know it’s been hard for you to be alone. Was it painful?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Establishing Control as the Problem ###Input: Yes, it was a lot of fun. I hiked and went swimming. I really got to take a break... But I was alone, and that was kind of a bummer. ###Response: You were alone? I know it’s been hard for you to be alone. Was it painful?

Establishing Control as the Problem

Yes, but you won’t believe what happened when I was hiking. I came across a bear on the side of the trail...

I noticed that you skipped past that painful part.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Establishing Control as the Problem ###Input: " Yes, but you won’t believe what happened when I was hiking. I came across a bear on the side of the trail... " ###Response: I noticed that you skipped past that painful part.

Establishing Control as the Problem

Yeah, but I wanted to be sure and tell you about the bear.

It seems it just happened again. What do you think would happen if you showed up to the pain?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Establishing Control as the Problem ###Input: Yeah, but I wanted to be sure and tell you about the bear. ###Response: It seems it just happened again. What do you think would happen if you showed up to the pain?

Willingness Is a Choice:

“Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.

I would prefer to get rid of the difficult emotions

Imagine you’ve just purchased a new home and you decide to hold an open house. You make invitations that say, “All are welcome,” and post them around the neighborhood. You’re excited about the party and begin to get ready by making everything look nice and by preparing the food and drinks. The big day comes, and everything is going well. The guests arearriving and enjoying themselves; everyone is laughing and having a good time. More guests are arriving. Then you hear a knock at the door. You open it with a smile, which rapidly changes to a look of distress. There before you stands Edna, a neighbor you’ve already found quite annoying. Edna makes obnoxious noises, is often rude to people, and has terrible manners. You quickly try to close the door, but Edna has placed her foot between the door and the jamb, so you can’t close the door. You ask her to leave, but she shakes her head and shows you one of the invitations you posted around the neighborhood. She repeats the words written in large letters: “All are welcome.” She tells you that she’s not leaving and will stand right there until you let her in. Given the situation—that she’s not leaving and you aren’t interacting with your guests—you decide to let Edna in, but you insist she needs to stay away from the guests and remain in the kitchen. You rapidly escort her to the kitchen and admonish her to stay there. You close the door to the kitchen and begin to walk away...and right behind you is Edna. She follows you out of the kitchen. You turn and say, “No, Edna, you must stay in the kitchen,” and escort her back. Once again, you turn to join the party, and...guess what happens.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is a Choice: “Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.###Input: I would prefer to get rid of the difficult emotions###Response: Imagine you’ve just purchased a new home and you decide to hold an open house. You make invitations that say, “All are welcome,” and post them around the neighborhood. You’re excited about the party and begin to get ready by making everything look nice and by preparing the food and drinks. The big day comes, and everything is going well. The guests arearriving and enjoying themselves; everyone is laughing and having a good time. More guests are arriving. Then you hear a knock at the door. You open it with a smile, which rapidly changes to a look of distress. There before you stands Edna, a neighbor you’ve already found quite annoying. Edna makes obnoxious noises, is often rude to people, and has terrible manners. You quickly try to close the door, but Edna has placed her foot between the door and the jamb, so you can’t close the door. You ask her to leave, but she shakes her head and shows you one of the invitations you posted around the neighborhood. She repeats the words written in large letters: “All are welcome.” She tells you that she’s not leaving and will stand right there until you let her in. Given the situation—that she’s not leaving and you aren’t interacting with your guests—you decide to let Edna in, but you insist she needs to stay away from the guests and remain in the kitchen. You rapidly escort her to the kitchen and admonish her to stay there. You close the door to the kitchen and begin to walk away...and right behind you is Edna. She follows you out of the kitchen. You turn and say, “No, Edna, you must stay in the kitchen,” and escort her back. Once again, you turn to join the party, and...guess what happens.

Willingness Is a Choice: “Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.

Edna comes pushing through the door again.

Right. And what you find is that you have to stay in the kitchen with your foot propped against the door to keep Edna out of sight. You’re locked in. What’s the problem here?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is a Choice: “Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.###Input: Edna comes pushing through the door again. ###Response: Right. And what you find is that you have to stay in the kitchen with your foot propped against the door to keep Edna out of sight. You’re locked in. What’s the problem here?

Willingness Is a Choice: “Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.

I don’t get to be at the party.

Yes. So, the big question is, would you be willing to let Edna wander around the house if it meant you got to be at the party too?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is a Choice: “Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.###Input: I don’t get to be at the party. ###Response: Yes. So, the big question is, would you be willing to let Edna wander around the house if it meant you got to be at the party too?

Willingness Is a Choice: “Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.

It would be hard.

Yes, but could you choose to do it and be at your party?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is a Choice: “Choice” means making a selection simply because we can. Therefore, the choice to be willing is present in every moment.###Input: It would be hard. ###Response: Yes, but could you choose to do it and be at your party?

Willingness Is an Action:

Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

I accepted it but unfortunately nothing has changed

Have you ever gone skiing?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input: I accepted it but unfortunately nothing has changed###Response: Have you ever gone skiing?

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

Yeah, a few times.

Have you noticed how, when you’re skiing and you’re afraid you’re going too fast, your natural tendency is to lean away, to lean back into the hill? The problem is, as soon as you do that, you lose control of the direction in which you’re headed, and in fact, you even increase the chance that you’ll wipe out. In this situation, the natural response—to lean back doesn’t work very well. What if this situation in regard to your thoughts and feelings is similar? What if the natural reaction—to lean away from your own experience—is actually part of the problem? What if what’s needed here is to practice leaning downhill, leaning into your experience, so you can have more control over where you’re headed in your life?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input: Yeah, a few times. ###Response: Have you noticed how, when you’re skiing and you’re afraid you’re going too fast, your natural tendency is to lean away, to lean back into the hill? The problem is, as soon as you do that, you lose control of the direction in which you’re headed, and in fact, you even increase the chance that you’ll wipe out. In this situation, the natural response—to lean back doesn’t work very well. What if this situation in regard to your thoughts and feelings is similar? What if the natural reaction—to lean away from your own experience—is actually part of the problem? What if what’s needed here is to practice leaning downhill, leaning into your experience, so you can have more control over where you’re headed in your life?

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

What I’d really like to do is find a way to get this anxiety under control.

It seems you’ve tried a lot of different things. You’ve certainly made an effort.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input:What I’d really like to do is find a way to get this anxiety under control. ###Response: It seems you’ve tried a lot of different things. You’ve certainly made an effort.

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

I am trying hard

So trying harder seems like the thing to do. But haven’t you tried hard in the past? You’ve gone to treatment programs, therapists, and psychiatrists. You’ve listed numerous things you’ve tried. You’ve tried hard, yes? Look at your experience. What do you know from there (points to the client’s heart) and not there? What does your experience say about the results of trying hard?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input:I am trying hard###Response:So trying harder seems like the thing to do. But haven’t you tried hard in the past? You’ve gone to treatment programs, therapists, and psychiatrists. You’ve listed numerous things you’ve tried. You’ve tried hard, yes? Look at your experience. What do you know from there (points to the client’s heart) and not there? What does your experience say about the results of trying hard?

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

It hasn’t worked so far.

Right. And what if that’s because it can’t? What if you really did give it a good attempt, but this is how trying hard actually works in this area?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input: It hasn’t worked so far. ###Response: Right. And what if that’s because it can’t? What if you really did give it a good attempt, but this is how trying hard actually works in this area?

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

I see what you mean, but I just want things to be different. I’m feeling anxious all the time. I can’t stand being like this.

If things were different with your anxiety, what would you be doing?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input:I see what you mean, but I just want things to be different. I’m feeling anxious all the time. I can’t stand being like this.###Response: If things were different with your anxiety, what would you be doing?

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

I feel overwhelmed by my anger...and I feel stupid. It’s been three years. Why can’t I get over this? It’s embarrassing.

Somehow getting over this seems like the thing to do, and then embarrassment and “stupid” will go away, in addition to the anger?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input: I feel overwhelmed by my anger...and I feel stupid. It’s been three years. Why can’t I get over this? It’s embarrassing.###Response: Somehow getting over this seems like the thing to do, and then embarrassment and “stupid” will go away, in addition to the anger?

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

I am ashamed that I’m so focused on the money. It’s hard to admit. I’m worried that you might think I’m an asshole.

It’s hard to admit these things. It can be anxiety provoking.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input: I am ashamed that I’m so focused on the money. It’s hard to admit. I’m worried that you might think I’m an asshole. ###Response: It’s hard to admit these things. It can be anxiety provoking.

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like, now that I’ve started ignoring her, I can’t find a way to stop. I feel like it’s impossible to get out of this.

It seems like even a small gesture toward your wife feels hard.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input: I don’t even know where to begin. It’s like, now that I’ve started ignoring her, I can’t find a way to stop. I feel like it’s impossible to get out of this. ###Response: It seems like even a small gesture toward your wife feels hard.

Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing.

It hasn’t worked so far.

Right. And what if that’s because it can’t? What if you really did give it a good attempt, but this is how trying hard actually works in this area?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Willingness Is an Action: Willingness isn’t a feeling, and it isn’t something that can be directly instructed or described, just as you can’t directly describe how to ride a bicycle, play a musical instrument, or perform a highly skilled sport. This aspect of willingness can be captured, for some, by comparing willingness to something that happens when skiing. ###Input: It hasn’t worked so far. ###Response: Right. And what if that’s because it can’t? What if you really did give it a good attempt, but this is how trying hard actually works in this area?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

It’s just always the same story. I try to do something to make things better and it fails... It always fails. It’s always like that.

So there’s this place where you get stuck when this same story, “I try and nothing works,” shows up.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input: It’s just always the same story. I try to do something to make things better and it fails... It always fails. It’s always like that. ###Response: So there’s this place where you get stuck when this same story, “I try and nothing works,” shows up.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Let’s face it, I’m doom and gloom.

You’ve mentioned that several times now—that you’re doom and gloom.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input: Let’s face it, I’m doom and gloom. ###Response: You’ve mentioned that several times now—that you’re doom and gloom.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

It’s true. I am doom and gloom.

I want to recognize the pain of this thought and the struggle that’s built around it, and I’m wondering if you might be willing to be a bit playful with me for a moment.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:It’s true. I am doom and gloom.###Response: I want to recognize the pain of this thought and the struggle that’s built around it, and I’m wondering if you might be willing to be a bit playful with me for a moment.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Sure... Might as well.

This might sound a little silly, but would you sing the words “I am doom and gloom” for me?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Sure... Might as well. ###Response: This might sound a little silly, but would you sing the words “I am doom and gloom” for me?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

What?

Let’s just work with this for a minute. Give it a try.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:What? ###Response: Let’s just work with this for a minute. Give it a try.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

The words just seem kind of funny to me now.

Interesting how that works. When we’re really trapped in words, it seems that they paralyze us. But now that we’ve loosened the trap a little, what do you notice?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input: The words just seem kind of funny to me now. ###Response: Interesting how that works. When we’re really trapped in words, it seems that they paralyze us. But now that we’ve loosened the trap a little, what do you notice?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

They don’t seem to have the same power. They’re even kind of funny now.

From this place, being loosened from those words, I wonder if we can start to work on where you’re headed?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input: They don’t seem to have the same power. They’re even kind of funny now. ###Response: From this place, being loosened from those words, I wonder if we can start to work on where you’re headed?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

I know I keep saying that, but it’s true. I have proof. It never works out. I must be incompetent.

This story your mind tells about you is pretty powerful. It’s kept you from dating for a long time now.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input: I know I keep saying that, but it’s true. I have proof. It never works out. I must be incompetent. ###Response: This story your mind tells about you is pretty powerful. It’s kept you from dating for a long time now.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Yes. I need to find a way to stop being incompetent, and then I can go on a date.

Seems you have been working on that for a while. True?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Yes. I need to find a way to stop being incompetent, and then I can go on a date. ###Response:Seems you have been working on that for a while. True?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Over a year.

Would you be willing to try something out with me?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Over a year. ###Response:Would you be willing to try something out with me?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Sure.

Let’s disassemble this, not as a way to figure out how you landed in incompetence, but as a way to take the power out of this story so that you can have your power back. I want to help you see the words in this story for what they are: words. Let’s start with slowing the sentence way down. Let’s try to say “I am incompetent” as slowly as possible. Now slower. Sound it out, really drawing out the vowels. Now let’s slow it down even more and say “incompetent” almost as if it were four separate words—“in,” “comp,” “e,” and “tent”—and let’s exaggerate it just a tiny bit.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Sure. ###Response: Let’s disassemble this, not as a way to figure out how you landed in incompetence, but as a way to take the power out of this story so that you can have your power back. I want to help you see the words in this story for what they are: words. Let’s start with slowing the sentence way down. Let’s try to say “I am incompetent” as slowly as possible. Now slower. Sound it out, really drawing out the vowels. Now let’s slow it down even more and say “incompetent” almost as if it were four separate words—“in,” “comp,” “e,” and “tent”—and let’s exaggerate it just a tiny bit.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Why do we keep doing this?

Well, let’s check. Did you hear the sets of sounds and feel the mechanics of speaking the words?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Why do we keep doing this? ###Response:Well, let’s check. Did you hear the sets of sounds and feel the mechanics of speaking the words?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Yes. It was odd.

Sure, because we don’t typically engage with words in this way. Usually we get lost inside them and forget that they’re sets of sounds that are spoken using the mechanics of the vocal cords and muscles. I’m simply helping us contact words in a different way, noticing them for what they are and not being right inside them so much. This creates a little possibility for you to relate to your words in a different way.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Yes. It was odd. ###Response: Sure, because we don’t typically engage with words in this way. Usually we get lost inside them and forget that they’re sets of sounds that are spoken using the mechanics of the vocal cords and muscles. I’m simply helping us contact words in a different way, noticing them for what they are and not being right inside them so much. This creates a little possibility for you to relate to your words in a different way.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

it is true

We’re constantly telling ourselves a story about our lives. In the background, there’s a voice that is always narrating about things—telling us about who we are, what we like, how things are going, and so on. The question is, is that story necessarily true? Where did it come from? For instance, if I ask you what happened three days after your eleventh birthday and I want to know in detail about that day, would you be able to tell me?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:it is true###Response: We’re constantly telling ourselves a story about our lives. In the background, there’s a voice that is always narrating about things—telling us about who we are, what we like, how things are going, and so on. The question is, is that story necessarily true? Where did it come from? For instance, if I ask you what happened three days after your eleventh birthday and I want to know in detail about that day, would you be able to tell me?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Hmm. No.

How about four days after or five days after? We could try one hundred days and you might catch one or two details, but we really know very little about what’s gone on in our lives. We remember just a few snippets, and we string these little pieces together into a story. Do you see this? We have these little snippets of things we remember, and massive portions of what happened are missing. We try to string it all together to create stories that make sense of the pieces we remember, and then we tell these stories to ourselves frequently. We conclude things about ourselves—what we are capable of, who we are—and then we live out of our stories.

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Hmm. No.###Response: How about four days after or five days after? We could try one hundred days and you might catch one or two details, but we really know very little about what’s gone on in our lives. We remember just a few snippets, and we string these little pieces together into a story. Do you see this? We have these little snippets of things we remember, and massive portions of what happened are missing. We try to string it all together to create stories that make sense of the pieces we remember, and then we tell these stories to ourselves frequently. We conclude things about ourselves—what we are capable of, who we are—and then we live out of our stories.

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

I see

Interestingly, these stories grow. The mind just keeps taking in new stuff. And this isn’t something that’s only happened way in our past; it’s happening right now. Let’s do an exercise about new content being added all the time, and about how we usually don’t even recognize it. I’m going to tell you about an imaginary creature called a gub-gub. If you remember what the gub-gub says, I’ll give you a million dollars. Are you ready? Here it is: gub-gubs go “Wooo.” What do gub-gubs say?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:I see###Response: Interestingly, these stories grow. The mind just keeps taking in new stuff. And this isn’t something that’s only happened way in our past; it’s happening right now. Let’s do an exercise about new content being added all the time, and about how we usually don’t even recognize it. I’m going to tell you about an imaginary creature called a gub-gub. If you remember what the gub-gub says, I’ll give you a million dollars. Are you ready? Here it is: gub-gubs go “Wooo.” What do gub-gubs say?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Wooo

Now don’t forget it. Because if I ask you tomorrow and you get that one million bucks, it’s worth it. What do gub-gubs say?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Wooo###Response:Now don’t forget it. Because if I ask you tomorrow and you get that one million bucks, it’s worth it. What do gub-gubs say?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Wooo

Okay, so now I have to let you know that there’s no million dollars. So you can just forget it. What do gub-gubs say?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Wooo###Response:Okay, so now I have to let you know that there’s no million dollars. So you can just forget it. What do gub-gubs say?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Wooo

Suppose I came back in a month. Would you know what gub-gubs say?

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Wooo###Response: Suppose I came back in a month. Would you know what gub-gubs say?

Undermining Cognitive Fusion

Sure

How about two months? A year? What do gub-gubs say? If we spent a bit more time talking about gub-gubs, it might be that I could visit you at your deathbed and ask, “What do gub-gubs say?” Would you remember? Now think about what this means. We spend a few minutes on something, and you carry it around in your head for the rest of your life. You have things like this that reach way back across your history. You may not be sure where they came from, but this is the stuff that’s your story. These are the thoughts you have about yourself. For example, “The worst thing about me is...”

Below is an instruction that describes a task, paired with an input that provides further context. Write a response that appropriately completes the request. ### Instruction:Undermining Cognitive Fusion###Input:Sure###Response:How about two months? A year? What do gub-gubs say? If we spent a bit more time talking about gub-gubs, it might be that I could visit you at your deathbed and ask, “What do gub-gubs say?” Would you remember? Now think about what this means. We spend a few minutes on something, and you carry it around in your head for the rest of your life. You have things like this that reach way back across your history. You may not be sure where they came from, but this is the stuff that’s your story. These are the thoughts you have about yourself. For example, “The worst thing about me is...”