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I woke up this morning and I'm thinking. "Where am I?" And then I realize that I'm at A&M. I was so upset last night because I left after class got out at 6:30. Then everything went wrong. The trolley cart fell off the steps and all of my stuff went crashing to the ground. I got in my car and the needle was practically buried to the red empty sign so I stop to get gas, then I decide that I had better eat something because as soon as I get there everyone will be ready to go out and I will be starving as usual and afterward no one will want to stop and get poor little old me anything to eat. And boy was I right. Audrey says it will only take and hour to an hour and a half to get here. Yeah right. Try two and a half. Someone goes off and gives me the wrong directions that takes me all the way to Hempstead! I was so mad at myself because I finally make it here, but I don't have directions to Gayle's or Audrey's or their phone numbers. I found Audrey's and Ginger answered which was exactly what I didn't want to happen. She bothers me. We used to be friends, but then I don't know what happened, it's like all of a sudden, the only thing that she cared about was who she was around and how much she could be seen doing thins with Natalie and Amy. But now that she's up here all by herself she sure decided that Audrey and Gayle and I were perfect people to be her friends AGAIN. I just don't know I mean that I don't like that I feel that way as far as the fact that she just gets on my nerves, but I don't like being mean. I will tell her how I feel, now, because she doesn't seem to have a problem being rude and snotty to me. I went to Audrey's and I wish I had a house like Gayle or an apartment like Audrey & Ginger. It's nice and filled with a lot more space than my dorm, but then again I kind of like The Woo. Aurora and Raya are so nice. They take care to notice if I'm upset about something and they talk to me about it. It just doesn't make me feel any better to know that their mothers don't call them EVERY NIGHT AFTER NINE O'CLOCK JUST BECAUSE THEY JUST HAPPENED TO GET ONE THOUSAND FREE MINUTES ON THEIR PORTABLE PHONE. It's not that I don't like my mother calling, but she calls all the time and tells me to go to bed of all things. Little did she know that I have stayed up until 3:oo every night since Monday, and last night we got home at 2:30 but didn't go to bed until 4:30. I don't know what she is thinking because she actually could not believe that people stay up until all hours of the night studying. I had to let her in on a little secret. All of those nights she thought I was asleep, I wasn't. | high | low | high | low | high |
At the moment I’m sitting in my room enjoying a 44 oz. slurpee. A cherry and coke mix, which is my favorite. I have been relaxing after another crummy cafeteria meal thinking about the days occurrences. Tuesdays and Thursdays are rough because I have to go to class all day. Classes aren't really that bad but they seem to put a large strain on the mind making a body feel worn out. The course load for me this year is tuff and it seems that I have little free time left. This is a very strange assignment in my mind. I can't see what y’all can get from hearing me ramble on about nothing, but if it helps then I guess its worth it. Chapter two in the Psy. book is very interesting in fact I have found the course to be interesting. To bad it comes after an hour and a half of chemistry and the most boring class I have ever been in. The selection of girls in the class isn't bad either. So an interesting class combined with good looking scenery is a big plus in my book. Whoa brain freeze. damn I hate those. Well after this I have to start on my M 408D homework. Now that is one hard class. That one and Chem 302 are going to be the death of me this semester. It seems like a 20 minute free flow writing assignment seems like it would be hard, but once you start it just seems to flow, kind of like a good rap song. I really like rap the combination of a good beat and a master on the microphone to me is really fine music. However, I love oldies too The Beatles, Mommas & the Pappas, The Monkeys, and so on are really good listening music. Kind of like returning to my roots I guess. Well that was twenty minutes so I’ll shut up now hope this was enough to fulfill your requests. | low | low | low | high | low |
here I am writing a required stream of consciousness essay. but the weird thing is that it just has to be done. it doesn't matter what I write about. right now I’m listening to some music that my parents would consider useless noise. it upsets me that they think that the music from their generation is so perfect and magical and music from my generation is crap. and they think that all of the musicians I listen to are miserable drug addicted singers. their music had its fair share of messed up people. Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, jimmy Hendrix, the grateful dead. despite the fact that these people and other were pretty messed up, they are regarded as some of the gods of rock and roll. I just wish that they wouldn't assume that every band around now is like Kurt Cobain and nirvana. in fact, if my parents would give it a chance they might actually enjoy some of my music like Dave Matthews band, blues traveler, and phish. but I don't want to get off on a rant here. my little window is right next to my computer and I have such a spectacular view. I get to look at the loading dock of the jester cafeteria and on occasion I get to wake up to delivery trucks dropping off some barely edible food at 6:30 am. one would think that with all of the thousands of students at UT and the hundreds living at jester center, they might have some food that tastes as good as week old liver and onions. I figured that I would be in excellent shape after a semester of living at jester because I walk everywhere, but the food at jester is so loading with fat that it doesn't matter how much you eat. if the university can afford to make millions of dollars of renovations and additions to Darrell K. Royal Texas Memorial Stadium, then maybe the could get rid of the somewhat rancid smell in the halls and make the rooms a little warmer that 15 degrees. then they go and build a huge parking garage over a big parking lot. it seems like a good idea until you realize a couple things. about the first two levels are reserved for faculty. if you are lucky enough to get a space in the garage then you have to pay 600 dollars a semester. most of the people that are willing to spend that type of money for parking don't live in jester. they live at Dobie or university towers. of course, I don't have any personal feelings about that issue but I thought someone else should know about it. all in all though , university of Texas is a great place because of a lot of things. beautiful campus, interesting people, a great sports program and , most importantly, absolutely gorgeous women. why would anyone want to go anywhere else especially in Texas. a friend of mine got into duke but that was the only place that she would want to go if she didn't go to UT. Baylor: small campus, nothing to do, and you hang out with the same people from high school. Texas Tech: What is in Lubbock? and their sports program is a joke because the athletes aren’t real students. Byron hanspard, their star running back had a 0. 00 gpa in his last semester. Texas A&M: do I even have to explain? well my 20 minutes is up and I have to go to class. Hook 'Em Horns! | high | low | high | low | low |
My thoughts, sensations, and emotions are always changing with each new experience, idea, and whatever happens throughout my life. They are affected sometimes by what other people think and sometimes affected from just maturing and thinking differently. Right now I feel like I am in control of myself because I am doing well in school academically, socially, and mentally. School work is very important to me and I make sure that I do well. I don't go overboard like a lot of my friends who study hours every day. Socially, I have adapted very well in meeting new friends. Mentally, I am in control and focused on what is going on in my life. There were some problems that have caused some stress in my life since college started. First, me and my roommate got in some petty arguments, but now we are getting along just fine. Also, I had some guy problems. I regretted doing some things I knew I shouldn't have done, but now we worked things out and or friendship is even better than before. I know that I haven't been eating right and sleeping enough, which is causing some changes in my body that cause me to be more tired and weak. I always go to sleep way too late and wake up early for my classes. Last night a friend called at two in the morning and I talked to him for hours even though I should have y eight-o-clock class. I am in a very good mood today because everything seems to be working out for me. I'm usually a nice pleasant person until I am faced with a lot of stress or go through PMS. Then I get in a really bad mood. My friends know when to stay away from me. The only thing really troubling me right now is all the reading I have to do for my classes. the assignments they give us are no problem, but the reading is crazy. They bombard us with reading assignments that really aren't necessary. My art class, for instance, requires for the present moment for me to read from pages 13 to 200-something. I really don't want to read about all these statues and paintings and sculptures from different eras. Anyway, I miss my family, but I'm not homesick at all. How can I be when my parents call ALL the time? I know they care for me, but it's really not necessary for them to want to visit every weekend, which I won't allow them to do. That sounds mean, but they're going to have to get used to it. I do miss the free laundry and the home-cooked meals and my own room and my nice bathroom, but oh well. | low | low | low | low | high |
just sitting here trying to avoid the whole problem of procrastination and hoping that perhaps I can get all of this done and start off the year right. I don’t know anymore about really anything and I sometimes think that I need a change in my life, like college isn't a big enough change in and of itself. The whole problem is that I need to keep doing well so that maybe I can transfer my credits. I want to go to Georgetown so bad and yet I have to do this in order to do that . God I wish that I could easily keep my room mate off of my computer and away from my shit. I bugs the hell out of me to have my email folder full of the useless crap from his anyone can pass classes. Like the morons in there with him really don't have anything better to do that waste their professor’s time and energy by having him spoon-feed higher education to these bastards with a sugar coating. It would just be easier if they were all herded together into a large barn and taught the ABC's all over again, then maybe it would make more sense to them. Maybe I’m just still adjusting to a new environment, of maybe I really do have as much vile contempt for may of the people around me as I think I do. I hope not, that could really hammer my ability to become what I want have if I end up hating three quarters of the general populous. Maybe I just need a stiff drink and a nap. Yes, it is time to stock the fridge. But what to buy, I know that the whole beer issue is a mute point and that no matter what I buy my room mate will drink it, maybe he won't be interested in the wine or schnapps or Vodka, I would really like to get a nice brandy. I just am concerned because he had little or no moral problem with eating the very expensive cheese I got at central market and so he might drink some very expensive wine all n the name of culturing himself. That would really suck. I wish I had brought that bottle of nitrogen from home. not that expect to be leaving wine sitting out that long but it is nice to have in any case. That reminds me, I need to subscribe to the wine connoisseur catalog. they have some really bad ass stuff that would make great gifts for my drinking buddies. Maybe a few brandy pipes for Andy, a carafe for Jonathon, some glasses for James and a bottle opener for clay. It really pisses me off how much of a pussy clay is for not coming this semester. "oh no, I have emotional problems and might have a difficult time making the transition". Like he's the only one who has problems and a difficult time making the transition. Get real and grow up. We are all still here and trying to do our best and cope all at the same time, but it is just too much for that spoiled son of a bitch. Literally, his mother is a bitch and the liberal psychobabbeling root of most of the poor kids problems. | low | low | low | low | low |
Homework, I hate homework. no it's not that. It's more like I hate the obligation to be busy that it entails. Why is it that after finishing homework or exercises that you feel so great, but actually starting it is so stressful. Why is it that something that is so helpful is hard to motivate? One would think that lazy people would have been weeded out by natural selection by now and it'd be easier for those left behind to get motivated. But from what I've seen in the history texts, people aren't only not more motivated, they're less!! So if this goes on, it'll get harder and harder for people to get things done. And I'm already having enough problems as it is! It makes me wonder if the human race will survive to see a true 'space age'? I mean, We've made so much progress in that area already, but at the rate that apathy and disinterest that sweeping through the population, it's quite possible that we'll never get off of our own little mudball in order to see what the other little mudballs circling a bunch of burning hydrogen look like. Not only that, but what about all these alien theory's? There is a truism (called that 'cause they're normally true) that says, "There is a seed of truth even in the most outrageous rumor" So I want to know what that seed of truth is!! What, or who, is out there. If it's nothing, I want to find out. So maybe in my lifetime there will not be any answers, but from heaven or hell or wherever I go, if indeed I go anywhere other than the ground, I want someone to somewhere figure out the answer! Or that there is not an answer. Oh, well. I think my twenty minutes are up. So hopefully what little motivation I've mustered will result in more than just a good grade (although that's good too!) | high | low | low | low | high |
I'm sitting here typing again I’ve got a lot to do today I want to get all of my work done soon so I don't have to worry about anything this weekend but I probably will anyway cause I always do. I wish I was a speed reader like on this movie I once saw -my stepmother’s an alien- where the alien just stuck her arm in a book and in a matter of minutes she understood the entire content. if I could do that I would have so much free time to write and draw and relax . I’m sure though that there are people who read slower than me. so maybe I should feel lucky. my wrists hurt again. and my head hurts kind of dizzy tiredness that I have to day from of course not sleeping enough last night. was on the phone instead because some times- especially when your tired and missing your friends- it feels like the right decision to sacrifice sleep for conversational anecdotes. but in the morning and now I feel it may have been a mistake I’ll feel better tomorrow. after I sleep it will be nice to see Paul tomorrow. Justin is so funny -all the porn off his computer sticks in my head its so plastic- I wonder if anyone a long time a go ever thought that sex would be reduced to a computer graphic. its an ironic opposite maybe people are slowly changing- they are- to be more electronically oriented- I wont be one of them though I will stand alone. Mr. purdy too, he always talked about how overindustrialized the world has become and how it will eventually change back like in a cycle to the way it used to be- primitive. but I think his optimism is held up by a false sense of security most likely brought about by his memories as a child of a life with out computers . me on the other hand, they've surrounded me since birth so I cant see his 'cycle' but still I think its more morally correct to not get so swept up in industry - it only aids to the separate ness that everyone in our generation feels the nowhereness, and island like mentality- dad told me when I was little that every one is like an iceberg floating in a vast ocean and from the air you only see these little pieces floating so far away from each other, but beneath the surface, in our subconsciousness, we are all made up of the same water that connects us that we are surrounded by. so we aren’t really all alone were all created from the same stuff. I probably sound like a televangelist but I shouldn’t care what you think of me anyway. I wish I could just cuddle up with Justin under heavy covers-warmth- and just feel his arm and shoulder under my neck and feel the ebb and flow of his breath on my forehead and slip away to sleep I love waking up next to him so warm - it doesn’t even matter if we get married - I've thought about it sometimes. its what's now that’s important and I love him and we’re happy if we ever do get married in a million years it will be because that will make us happy then ,whenever then becomes now. | high | high | low | low | high |
hmmm, what should I write. This is so hard for me, but I think I'll make it work. That guy just signed on again, and I won't be surprised if he sends me an Instant Message. But I really don't want to talk to him. The refrigerator is making this humming noise that always bothers me, even when I’m sleeping. I hope that my roommate sleeps over at trey's apartment because I don't want to hear her snore. There is somebody talking outside, I can hear them even way up here. I should turn off that light by my bed because if it burns too long everything gets too hot. The creaking of the walls here bother me too. and now some girl just ran down the hall. The airplanes can be really loud here because we are so high. I don't understand why people can't shut their doors quietly or push their chairs in without making so much noise. I wonder if anyone is going to call me in the middle of this. That would make me lose everything. Those people that call that person next door are really pretty stupid. They let the phone ring like fifteen times. In a small dorm room is that really necessary? My typing has gotten so bad, I hate to capitalize. I should have sent that letter on Saturday, but I was just too lazy to bring it down there. Now it's going to have a weird date on the letter that doesn't match the postmark date on the envelop. I guess I’m not the only one that does that though, so it's ok. My feet are cold. They are always so cold. and today the girl next door was complaining about how hot it was. I am never hot in this room. There is some humming coming from outside. I wonder if it is just a bus being idle right now. My computer just got more energy or something because it made some noise. People are walking in the hall now, I can here them. These walls must not have good insulation. There goes a loud car that was revved up too quickly. That doesn't make sense to me. I should wash my dishes. I wonder what my neighbors are talking about when they just said "that's really bad. " my wrists are starting to hurt, I should probably change my hand position. I also should do my laundry. the rest of my laundry. I need to wash my towels. I wonder how long I would have to wait in line for the stuff. Probably too long, I think I will just wait till another day. That girl just coughed again. That makes me think that I should buy some cough drops. I am getting sleepy. I wish I wasn't so lazy. My eyes feel like their drooping. I wonder what the score is on the Cowboy game. I need to sit straight so that my back doesn't hurt. I wish I knew why my back hurts so much, I think it must have been that Sunday I helped dad. I really wish I had eaten something other than Burger King. I should have eaten Subway. I enjoy tuna subs better. I just yawned. I think I need stamina. My watch is digging into my are. I now have a whole impression of my watch in my arm. That kind of stuff annoys me. This watch is too little. It is made for little kids. I'm going to close my eyes while I type. I hope I don't mess up too many words. That would a bad think if it couldn't be read. I need to get a haircut, I want to get it styled, but I’m scared that the way it will be done won't look good. I’m taking off my watch now, it 's bothering me too much. why does my stapler have such a big crack down the middle of it I wonder why the mail didn't come yesterday. that makes me so mad. I bet I would have had mail. this gum is tasting pretty gross but it tastes better than the burger. Yawn. now I have goosepimples. why am I so cold. I should probably put on a long shirt. why doesn't my camera rewind all the way. Maybe I should just get a new one. one of those advantage ones that I can take to Switzerland. that would be great for all the scenic pictures. Yawn. why do my eyes water so much when I yawn. that is very annoying. there goes the telephone again. I bet it will ring for a long time. nope it only rang once. I guess the girl is there now. my computer just froze up kinda, I bet I did something wrong, I am always doing something wrong. I wonder how fast I can type without making lots of mistakes. so far I am doing pretty good. why is it whenever you say that you get worse. , the second I said it, it got worse. now my wrists are really hurting. someone is going into their room, and the just slammed their door. that just bothers me so much. | low | low | low | low | high |
I just wasted over an hour and a half trying to get my stupid Ethernet card to work. the worst part is that I waited over four weeks for this stupid thing to come in and now none of the drivers and software recognize it. I think it is royally <blank>. now I have to waste another two hours talking to technical support so they can take the thing back. what a rip. this makes this day a really big let down, considering I complained to my parents about getting this thing up here for me. I could have been doing some of the hundreds of hours of homework that I have to do. this day has been really wasted. every day is a waste. all I do is homework each day and nothing more or less. occasionally I get to watch half an hour of television or go to the union or go play a few video games, but lately, it seems that every class wants me to spend a few hours each night working on their assignments. I haven't even had time to look around the Austin area. I haven't seen a movie in a while either. this place really sucks. I don't do anything really interesting. I have no life. now I’m complaining too much AND being self-conscious. I couldn't even read my notes on that example. he talks too fast for people to keep up. psychology sounds pretty cool. the breeze never hits Austin. it's like it is always hot and the sun never goes away. maybe one day it will turn into fall in this town and finally it's be relatively cool so I don't marinate in my own juices. yeah, I know it sounds gross, but what would you call it? I take a shower, walk to Kinsolving, when I get there, I’m tired and need to take a shower, and I sure do work up an appetite. it's the way back that is a killer. by the time you get back to Moore hill, you feel like rolling over and dying because of your full stomach, the supersaturated shirt and the fatigued feet. I need to jog more. it seems like I’ll never have time. I never have time to do any of my old hobbies. for crying out loud, I can't even get y network card to install onto my notebook. I wish I had time to do my old hobbies, like photography. I could have and should have majored in photography. maybe I should major is psychology. it's a really interesting class and I kind of like it I wish they served more than three flavors of ice-cream. it's like that chicken. 'today for dinner, roasted chicken. for lunch it'll be chicken dumplings, tomorrow it'll be chicken soup. then creamy chicken blank. tomorrow it is chicken patties, the next day it is chicken nuggets, the next day they'll run out of chicken and serve chicken fried steak with chicken gravy for the steak and mashed potatoes' it's repulsive what they serve us. maybe I should reduce my meal plan. better check in the morning. I still have another few minutes. my roommate is asking about cyanide. I guess that’s what happens when your girlfriend dumps you. tough break. he's been really depressed. he's been like this all evening. I wonder what I’ll do tomorrow. I better get a plan together for what needs to be done. hmmm. I wish I could get my net access. now I’m pissed. | high | low | high | low | high |
In the background there is the movie "Space Jam" which is a little distracting. I can't help but focus on the comedy the Looney Tunes attribute to communication disorders because it was a topic that was discussed in my CSD class. It's a little too cold in here. My agent is not paying enough attention to me as of late, in agreement with a statement just made in the movie. I still wonder about my sign language assignment tonight. The screen on this computer is getting out of focus, then coming back in focus again. I love this keyboard. The spacing on the keys is wonderful. I wish my face would stop throbbing. My lips are very dry, and it's still very cold. I can feel the fatness in the side of my face from my surgery. the Newman guy on Seinfeld is in this movie. I hate his character. In Seinfeld he's funny at least. this music reminds me of aerobics and now the Eagles are playing "Fly Like and Eagle". Michael Jordan is a very attractive man. I wish I lived on campus. I wish I had a boyfriend. I gave the wrong number to my friend. It's hard to pay attention to the assignment and the movie , but it's not my computer so I must make do. no more basketball this season. I love this song, it reminds me of 5th grade and going roller skating. My best friend from 5th grade was really messed up. I wonder where she is now. I need to get the old school Salt 'n Peppa CD. I want a new car. I really want a nice car, not another piece of crap like I already have. I want a new Honda Accord, if life was perfect. I'm glad, this boy is coming over and I am very attracted to him. the movie with Kevin Bacon in it about basketball. I forgot the name, crap. my head hurts. you know that looking at anything that is emitting light, like a computer screen or a TV with the lights off it is very bad for your eyes. I'm hungry, I need to work out. I love the free rec center. My fingers hurt a little. I love playing sports, I love movies. I want to make movies when I get older, maybe I'll just produce. Actually I want to be rich. God, that mouse is annoying. Reminds me of my little sister, she always talks to fast for her mouth. This movie sucks. I am tired and I have to do that stupid Lab tonight. I want to go to an amusement park. I'm hungry. I miss Karen. I need a haircut. God that's Danny Devito's voice. That trips me out. OK , my fingers really hurt. the chubby boy? Who's voice is that? hey time really flies, it's good to hear Jenny laugh. I love it when other people are amused. Why is Michael talking about his butt. My friend Justin called me, it's very cool that I ran into him today. enough. | high | high | high | high | low |
Well, my name is Robert Marshall Reinauer Jr. I am now thinking about what I am thinking. I am thinking about Physics. Physics is hard because I have never taken a class in it and the first one I am taking is a college course. Another thing I am thinking about is how long these lines are and how much of a page am I really writing. Did you guys set it up this way on purpose to see something or to tell something about us. Well, if you want to know something that I am feeling right now is that these lines really annoy me by being so long. That is o. k. cause I will just deal with it. I am also thinking about my home and what my girlfriend is doing. If she misses me and other things about her. I am missing her. Studying here is tough and so are the classes. But hopefully that will just make me learn more. There are two girls next to me and they are talking alot. Usually I get people next to me in the computer lab that talk in French and Spanish so I don't know what they are saying and it does not bug me as much. Finally the end of the abnormal typing line. Well, I can understand what these girls are talking about and I don't even really care but they are still distracting me from providing a researchable paper. It really does not annoy me that much but, I like perfect situations and that means everything goes my way. Unfortunately that does not always happen. Guess what they just left. It is really quiet and I can think lots better. Well, since I have been in college I have thought about the future more. Does everyone think about the future more in college. I bet the majority does. I am really worried about how everything is going to work out after college if there is an after college. I would like to become a big success and become a great doctor but so would a million other people and I know there is not room for a million other people which narrows the picking for medical school. I will just do my best and the hope the best comes of it. Nobody knows though what will happen. This is pretty neat turning in a paper on the computer. Finally another line. I am going to try to pick up another class because I need more hours. I hope I can get something that will help me maximize my time here. My counselors said that I can only take 12 hours which is nice advice but who has to go to school here them or me. I would like to get out of here as soon as possible. Not because I don't like it, but just cause I am eager to see what I will be in the future, a success or a complete failure. Well, 20 minutes is up and I have to confess that I have been correcting my grammatical mistakes just cause I feel better if I do. I hope you understand. Bye. | high | high | high | low | low |
I am feeling kind of nervous today because I only have one class and I am supposed to spend the rest of the day at the fraternity house doing chores. I also wonder why I have to do these chores, because all of the actives had to do them when they were pledges? In any event I know that I have to go over there and it will not be fun. I am also excited because next week my parents are going to come in town and it will be the first time I have physically seen them since I moved down here. Also my cousin is going to be coming down here to visit UT and I am excited that I will be able to see her. People told me that I would be overwhelmed when I came down here but I haven't felt that way yet. Things are getting harder by the week, but I think I am handling it well. My room is a mess and I really need to clean it up and do the laundry. I guess I will today since I will have maybe a little free time. | low | high | high | high | low |
I really am tired. I can't understand why I have so much to do and I haven't even started maybe I'm just lazy and I don't think. Could be I'm just a loser. No I'm not! I just want to be accepted for who I am and not for what I am I can't stand to eat Jester food. It tastes better when I'm already full. It makes me sick sometimes and I have to use the bathroom a lot. How many times do you think I can say a lot without spitting on myself. I like this song it makes me think of parties, dancing girls. I miss my girlfriend, why can't I be with her. Too bad. Just be strong, If the person reading this actually knew me I wonder what he/she would say? Who cares! I don't care anymore. Just give me an A. Is that what it's all about an "A" we should try to learn something for a change in America instead of taking the shortcut approach. My fingers are getting tired. I'm hungry but it's too early to eat dinner What moron decided that dinner should be served at 4:30? If I get my hands on him/her, I would probably do nothing but laugh. Ha Ho Ha. Funny dude, that's me. How many times do I have to keep hitting the repeat button on the CD player. It's pissing me off. I wonder what would happen If our nipples were on our foreheads. I'm a dick for. A lot of people ask what's a dickfor? Funny huh? You probably think I'm sort of a psycho or pervert. Why won't this program automatically return me to the beginning of the document. If I get drunk this weekend I may feel better. probably not. I really miss her. She's got my heart forever. I wonder if this is the way I should feel. Who knows? I can't stand a cold shower. My phone just rang but I cant answer it because I have to do this stupid homework. I hope I don't get demoted for calling it stupid homework. Tired, sleepy. Do you know what time it is. I really miss my sister. She took care of me. She's only 15 though but she's my only true friend. I can count on her to do anything I ask her. Most of the time. Who knows If she gets married to one of my friends, I could be the best man. Who knows a way to type and answer the phone and do this stuff in one motion. I hope a little pause in my typing doesn't hurt my grade. I don't even understand why someone would even spell phone with a ph instead OF an f. My caps accidentally came on change the damn station roommate. He's gone. Black hole sun. Fair-weather friend. Dancing in the woods naked with a beautiful blonde wouldn't be so bad. She probably wouldn't want me though because I'm black. Who gives a fuck. In the goat ass. Colin's here he's hungry. BEEr dance naked bitches oops I can't stand ugly women unless they are with good-looking ones. Kiss me Pamela. What if your nipples were on your forehead? Piss on me I'm a dickfor. Who knows why we are here. Who's going. In a bloodbath of sweat spot you later hey borrow my card bitch. Please give me an A. I'm a psycho. If you think I'm crazy meet Colin. He bums meals for a living. Poor effort dickfor. Colin's gonna get sick. Spoonman rub Colin down. Who going with Wes. he probably will. why studying comes first. unless you beer. is it for a grade I miss high school life sucks then you die. she stinks. she needs a grille check. He smells like a bag of armpits. dirty bastard. My tennis coach smell like old sow rotten bus seats after school. tired please hurry. She’s cute. Colin was the second gunman on the grassy null. president dickfor. Spoonman not on. Live rules. Tupac's dead but I care colin's a weirdo and wants to be a child molester. not funny. He says thanks send help. My butt hurts fingers' tired I quit 20 minutes die mother f000000 ops remember when transformer underwear were the bomb. / jOINTH BOM WWW. UTEXAS. TIRED AS HELL. EDU. CO. HTTP. COM. FOR WHO'S THE MAN. GOT ACCEPTED WANNA QUIT NOW. | high | high | high | high | low |
Today is September 4, 1997. It is twelve days before my best friend leaves for the NAVY. He has come to Austin to visit. I have dreaded these past couple of months ever since I knew he was leaving. He has been my best friend for five years. We have gone through so much stuff during those years. It is hard for me to say good-bye, but I know I must. We said we would see each other in six years but how will we know. it bothers me to know that he will forget about me, but I hope and pray he won't. Ever since he has come to visit we have went out and done something. Usually we just talk. He has been the only person that has understood what I feel. It's like we have some unknown connection that I can't really explain. But I realize that time will go one and maybe in six years we will find each other and things will be the same as they were be for either of us left. but how will I be certain. I told him that this is the hardest thing for me to do. I don't know if he understands it or not, who knows. It's kind of funny. Everyone believes that best friends (when male and female) make the best couples. And everyone always told us that we will probably get married, I don't think so. There isn't that feeling of that kind of love there. When I came too UT and began to meet other people, I didn't feel that I was loosing him, merely that I didn't think about him so much. But there were times that I missed his companionship when I didn't have someone to talk to. That is what I’m going to really miss the most about him. He has the great capability to listen and help out, even though he is male. But I will always love him and his great personality even if he changes during the years. I believe we have come to far in life as friends to let our friendship fail. September 16, will be a very sad and happy day because he will begin his career and future and I will be missing my best friend in the world. | high | high | high | low | high |
What about this school, too many people running from place to place to be of any noticeable . meaning, any noticeable effect. I can't find the word trying to scribe all my thoughts brimming down. It is much easier for me to describe the pictures in my head, the vivid sensations I am accustomed to beholding within my minds own personal theater. I have developed my own way of thinking, so I like to think!, through day dreams and images, which I behold clearly even with my eyes open as if they happened in front of me. I like to write, but not this droning nonsense which may not receive the benefit of human eyes except for its execution and if, if it gets read. I am told it might not be, and it is this insignificance which repels me to the assignment. At least its easy, except for the internet part. I have generally avoided this dismal institution for my years, I spit upon the "net" when it first gained its genesis, and I spit upon its multi-media, machination which steals the waking lives from people. But what of it, for that matter, they do it to themselves, I can not pity them for that. If they like computers to sunsets let them use paintbrush to engineer their own nature, but I prefer the real thing made of so much chaos and chance that these simple number-crunchers couldn't make anything with that much sensation, that much depth. That is what lacks in these computers, they are vicarious to life. Not that I condemn them, they are useful tools, and not that I condemn their junkies or pushers for the fact of the creation, and not that I live my life to its fullest potential as it may sound I condemn the computer junkies for not doing. Its just that, I guess, I have found my own niche in the wall of the world, my own peaceful way of doing things that is inhibited by the computer only slightly, in the way that I hate it and most embrace it. I am hypocritical in this matter as well: I own a computer myself, and use it nearly every day. I like to think, probably falsely, that my downfall in the machine is not so complete as those web-surfers who spend 8+ hours browsing the electronic dreams of men. But then, my won mind produces the dreams I live in: whose to say which is worse? I prefer to see pictures of the world inside my own mind, and I can contrive any number of vicarious situation, locations, persons, emotions, sunsets, anything I want with a near vivid copy of the real things my eyes behold. Is this the same as the infernal computer? Is this any less debilitating a habit to daydream in ways even more real than my own, insignificant life? I say insignificant, and I mean it, not in a degrading matter or that I don't feel I have made full use of my potential or that I want for a better standard or situation in my own life, but that it is the truth that all humans are insignificant, no matter how important or influential, save in the numbers of our immense crowd. I'm sure philosophers have pondered the subject as I do right now for a useless computer, but as I have mentioned, I prefer the daydream, I prefer the novel, and I prefer the realistic sunset to a game of doom(not to say that the particular pastime isn't fun, I'm just as guilty as wasting an hour or so, but I haven't followed it up as many have with the endless assortment of clones that rock the computer gaming industry). I am bored with writing this as though I think in words, because normally I do not. Normally I prefer to think in sight, in sound, and even smell(though that's a hard one to master, I don't think I shall). So now I think its time to stop this wonderment I have going and describe what I think about when I don't do it in words: Flashing colors, sometimes geometric-shapes, until I can find something to build the energy in mind into. I remember during psych class when I began to waver off(which I am in habit of doing, sometimes at the wrong moment), daydreaming about my Kendo class coming up soon. I thought about a stalwart master standing over me as I held out a bamboo sword, poised straight and steady. I though about going over the moves I knew so well, I am quite a fan of kendo and cannot wait to take the actual class. I hope, though, that my daydream will predict some of the success I hope to have, but I still recognize that it was not real, only a contrivance, and I will have to wait for the fact to see. back tot he daydream I enjoy remembering, and have thought about since. I then imagined as though I were past the class, but somehow not in the real world as we know it, but somewhere where the sword still ruled the land. I think now it must have been my own idea of feudal Japan, but needlessly I walked around in nothing but a (I forget now what the karate uniforms I have donned so many times are called) but I was wearing one of those, carrying a real sword this time, trudging through muddy roads through a country side constantly lit by an orange, pasty sun. I can’t remember where it went form there, but needless to say much violence, honor, and success followed. That's how my daydreams sometimes run, but sometime they are more erratic. Sometime I let my mind go, though I do have extensive control, and watch bizarre unfoldings before me of pictures melting together, sometimes a forgotten memory boiling up from the depths of my mind, but more often a collage of unearthly landscapes. I have done extensive travel in the southwest of our country, sometimes willing, sometimes not, and have amassed a great many memories of the landscapes. Enough memories, in fact, to create my own realistically, though vicariously, through my daydream ability. Sometimes I imagine titanous walls of huge cliffs, eaten away by a river evidently, but impossibly showing the scores of rain as though it were eroded by that force alone, topped with greenery though the valley below is of rocks and tumbled stones. I like to visualize. I like to visualize so much that on the last vacation I made special note to remember the best landscapes I saw, and discovered in the process that I couldn't remember the scenes if I wore sunglasses. Without them, I could remember the sharpness of Shiprock, the depth of the Grand Canyon, the crumbling stones of Chaco and Mesa Verde. But with sunglasses on, I found I could not remember the details, they seemed clouded and sometimes distorted as thought he glass stole away the true definition of the pictures I wanted to remember. That is the unfortunate part of my visualizing saga, sometime I mar and twist my own memories into fantastic visages only seen in movies, and then find I cannot twist them back. Sometimes I remember the waves at Galveston quite a bit larger then they really were, the sun at the most vivid sunrise I recall that much brighter and golden, though taken from the special effects house and spliced with my memory. and I wonder which is better? To have the memory unaltered or to have the memory better, improved and refined into something so stunning to remember or think about that I might include it in stories. That's how I write, too. don't think out the story, I see though it were a movie flashing before my eyes, I hear it though a speaker were plugged next to me, I feel it though I were in it myself. Sometimes I think about conquering the world, so much to the fact that I have it all planned out. I feel safe writing about here, because it is doubtful anyone will read this carefully or pay attention to it, but I am confident enough of my long-term plans that I would feel bad if someone didn't have the warning. Maybe just fancy, but we will se won't we? If not, then I'll die a normal life, or maybe get a few books out and receive some fame, not as much as I'd like the money though. I'm sure I’ve met the twenty minute interval, but I forgot to check the clock so I'll keep writing a little longer to be sure to satisfy the requirement. So now I will daydream for sure, and write it as I see it, as though it were happening. NO, I better not, it would probably appear too much like my writings, but I will go ahead and make-visualize a new landscapes like I did up there(Earlier) because I enjoy it so much. I see a rising pyramid, sitting atop a four-cornered stone terrace that hold the point towards a sky with two suns, one burning bright and vaguely familiar to our own, the other a hazy blue color, lazily sitting near the point. surrounding it is the ruins of a city, not Egyptian though, but more reminiscent of the Roman culture, with tilted columns and ruble returning to the desert. The sand is a yellow with glitter, like mica flecks imbedded in the sand, which is hot tot he touch but not ruff, it runs like silk through the hands. My hands? I don't know, I just watch. The valley surrounding is windswept, though, perhaps they must be my hand because it appears quite desolate. The wind whips the sands into speeding wraiths across the amazingly flat area around, somehow no dunes develop, though. I wonder how that could be. I said valley, but I do not see any moutons or hills around. I wonder what prompted me to describe it as such. If I were writing a book, I would have changed it or added in a distant mountain line, but not so here. The sand seems compacted though, to the foot, though a hand can easily dislodge it, though it seems to flow back into place. It reminds me of the black sands of California, more gray then black, but equally as smooth and mica filled. Perhaps that's where its glintiness comes from, a mixed memory of TV and actually physical things I've seen. Sometimes its is, most times, though, it is merely illusion, merely contrivance, so I will let it go at that, | high | low | low | low | low |
My parents just dropped me off at my dorm room and they are headed home to Houston. They came up for the football game and to see me. My mom calls me every day, whether it be to see if I'm up for school or if just to see what I'm doing for the day. Gosh, I'm starving right now and my friend just ate all of his Taco Bell. I wish he would have saved some for me. when I get done typing I'm going to go find some grub. Oh, speaking of food, this morning I ate an awesome breakfast buffet at the Double Tree with my parents. I just got a computer; I don't know why I'm using my friend, Matt's, computer. His roommate just picked up the phone and disconnected me. But, luckily I got right back on. I have so much reading to do today for philosophy, chemistry, and nutrition. I hope it doesn't take too long because I'm so tiered and I want to take a nap. Every time I wake up from sleeping I feel as though I'm getting more and more sick. I'm on different medications for my asthma, allergies, and my congestion. The good thing is that I have a Doctor's Appt. on Friday. So hopefully I can hang in 'til then. I met a girl that lives down the hall from me named Jenny when I moved in my dorm and it turns out that we long lost sisters. Well, not really, but we do have absolutely everything in common. It really is weird how alike we are. I feel so lazy staying in side studying on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I would love to go swimming right now. I hope that this writing assignment gets to Janel Seagal or whomever it is supposed to go to. Well, it's over and I'm off to eat!! Good-Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | low | high | low | low | high |
Well here I go again. Trying this for the last time. It took four attempts but hopefully this will be the last time that I am required to attempt this. I had to try to write this several times because my computer would not send the four other attempts at writing. So this better work. Well it is really hard to do this assignment when I have already done it four times I can't believe that all the creativity has been drained out of me. I can't talk about anything funny and witty. I am so tired. I am tired of trying to do this assignment and getting rejected by the computer gods. Well let me think. I am in my friend's room. She is in the psychology class as well, and she lives on my floor. She is pretty cool for letting me do this when it is almost ten o'clock and I just went running. But then again, she is also helping my roommate with her precal. What a bud! My whole floor is pretty laid back and everyone is getting along real well. We are in a small dorm, Littlefield, and my only complaint is that the rooms are little. But it is a 70 year old dorm, and my mom told me when it was built the beds came out of the closet. This is really boring. My other four writings were so much more interesting then this. All I can say is that this better go through. I want to go home. But I am going to go home soon. I miss my dog. I am so boring. And I want to be a writer. I am really a more creative person but right now I feel physically drained. I am so tired. All I want is to go to sleep for a long time and not wake up. Tomorrow morning I have a Philosophy discussion session and I really don't want to go. But I guess that I kind of have to go. Have to learn! That is why I am here isn't it! I only have five minutes left and then I can do tackle my English paper. I don't want to work anymore. I want to go to sleep. But I can keep on going a and going and going and going and I am wasting as much time as I can. We are now talking about people in the class. Not good. Well, I think my time is up. Yeah no more typing well no, I have to go finish my English paper. I hope that this goes through because if it doesn't I will scream really loud. Thank you and god bless. | low | low | high | high | high |
It is now 4:10 PM, that means I have to do this stupid assignment until 4:30. it's probably beneficial for the psychologists at this school, though. I think I am going off the page now so I will press return okay, that line was probably fucked up but that's okay. I wonder how long it will take to get on a computer tomorrow. It didn't take too awfully long today. I used to be able to type faster than this, I think. I am out of practice from summer. I can't write as well, either. not that I was very good to begin with. This is going to seem like a really long time. I was going to say take a long time, but it's only twenty minutes, which doesn't seem like that long in theory, but it really is. I am not looking at the screen and my writing is going everywhere. I wonder what the other people said, and if they noticed that this thing doesn't automatically scroll down as you type. It's good to do this on the internet because it saves a lot of paper waste, but it's annoying to have to come here and wait for a computer when I’m used to just writing things on paper at home. I wonder if Jonathan had emailed me yet-- I will check on that after I finish this thing. Doh!- It's only 4:16. I have a really long time. I wonder if he can tell whether or not people cheat and cut it short. if you can type really fast then you can get a lot done. I wonder how fast I type in comparison with everyone else. I should have learned how to touch type before I came to college. I still use the hunt and peck version staring at the keyboard. It's hard to do that when you're transcribing a paper or something that you aren't thinking of as you go. I'm getting tired. This reminds me of the simpsons when grandpa is rambling on and on and nobody is listening or cares what he says. "ewww. what smells like mustard?". I love that show. I can't wait until the new season starts. I wonder if we'll win the Simpson’s house that would solve all our problems for the rest of our lives. never having to do what we don't want to do. But it would be annoying to live in. I think you can tell a lot about a person by knowing to what degree he or she likes the simpsons. Some idiots like my dad just think it's a cartoon, but it's really so much more. I should really finish that chapter that I didn't read. It was interesting enough, I just didn't have very much time to read. oh, I forgot some of my books, and I don't want to walk all the way to the dobie to get them. it's so hot! I'm so lazy. no wonder I’m a big fat cow, I can't even walk half a block to get my books. I should really start riding my bike again. I like the bus. it's so much easier and I don't have to carry my bike down those fucking stairs. I've climbed more stairs today than I have in a long time. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to go running without dying-- I think I’m just not built for it. Andy is so athletic, and I’ll never be as fit as he is, and I’m really just slowing him down. Yay, it's 4:26, only 4 more minutes. I wonder if you freaks are actually going to read all 500 of these things. yeah, what is the point of this stupid thing, anyway? I could see the point of that research project, but not this. You can't possibly read all these. M back hurts. I should probably try to have better posture. but I like to conserve energy. again, laziness. two more minutes. I’m tired, I think the sun drains all the energy out of me. I’m really sick of this stupid thing, and the minutes are going by so slow. it's really irritating me. I can' t wait to get to my email! I wonder how many messages I got in the last 3 weeks. well, it's now 4:30 bye. | high | high | low | high | low |
I don't really know how to start this but I guess it really doesn’t matter Computers are so frustrating. I wish I knew more about them. Its 5:25 now so I need to write until hmmmm 5:45. That’s not to bad. I wonder what that guy keeps laughing about, It must be some really fun assignment or maybe he’s on email with some girl or something. He pretty cute, kind of looks like the guy on The Princess Bride. I love that movie , haven’t seen it in a while. This assignment is kind of hard because I cant type as fast as I think. Oh, this is how this thing works. Kind of annoying You cant even see what your writing! How dumb. I wonder what Heather is writing I hope my email got to Ryan and Jeremy. That would stink if it didn’t. What time is it anyway? 5:35 10 more minutes. There sure is alot of people here for a Friday afternoon. I wonder if I'll be in here alot doing homework. Probably. I'm kind of tired. I hope gosh I'm hungry. I hope that HOPE is fun tonight. I want to meet some people . I hope David comes I wonder if Trey or Jason called. I bet Trey did for sure. I wish he was more talkative but he's really nice. I bet Heather kind of likes Dave. I wonder if I'm going to be able to get out of this computer without having to have that weird guy help me again. I felt so dumb. I need to do my research requirement soon so I don’t get behind. There's a lot I need to do. That guy is laughing again. I kind of wish I could just laugh back at him. Gosh I'm a really slow typer. I hope I'm doing this right. I wish all my assignments were this easy. I need a floppy disk and oh yeah I need to get those Paradigm notes for Zoology. I bet Leann doesn’t remember to bring me hers. Oh well. She's really nice. I wonder where that girl is from. She has a funny accent. I think I've written for about 20 minutes now so I guess I'll quit even though I don’t have very much typed out . I'm just slow. Besides they didn’t say this had to be a certain length just a 20 min. time frame. I wonder what’s for dinner tonight. I think I'll go find out. | low | high | high | high | low |
As I sit here and drink this very nasty coffee. (coffee maker is on the fritz) I look back and recollect on this past weekend. In fact this has been my only thought since Monday morning. So I can give you can better understand what I am talking about, I will give you a background premise to what occurred. I was sitting on the computer, as always, talking to my boyfriend in Houston on a chat group. He and I are still in that "newlywed" phase of a relationship, so we are constantly wanting to be around the other. My having to be a couple hundred miles away in school is causing major distance pains. Any way, I was trying to encourage him to come visit me for the weekend. He was regretfully working on both Saturday, and Sunday lunches ( he is a waiter, where we met this past summer) . He replied to my requests with a request for me to go down there. I thought about it for a brief moment, decided that I had no major plans for the weekend, and immediately called Greyhound. I was on the next bus home, in one hour. He was so completely surprised. As he put it, it was one of the largest signs of love that he had ever been shown, for someone to just up and leave on the spur of a moment, spend over $50 that he knew I didn't have to spend, sacrifice a weekend of my time, just to see him. He was on cloud nine, and as soon as I saw him, so was I. Well the weekend progressed, and I had a wonderful time. I also had a chance to meet up with my friends still in Houston, without having to report in to my mother. thankfully I neglected to tell her that I was in town. Well, on my last day there, before my ride to the bus station, he and I had a heartfelt conversation. He basically proclaimed his undying love for me, and told me exactly how special I was in his life. He also went over all the things that I did to let him know how much he knew that I love him. He remembered all the little things that I have done since day one. which really meant something to me cause I know that my actions are received with such appreciation. He felt that this last one, my coming to see him on the spur of a moment, was the ultimate. He then proceeded to tell me of a mental list that he had of who he envisioned his wife would be, what kind of person she would be, and what her traits would be. He told me that I fit every one, and he said that I was his perfect companion. Both of us have seen a lot, and have dated almost every type of person out there. I know that he is the one for me, I have known it for a while. I have been told that when you meet that certain someone, you will know it is them, and you will know that they are the right one for you. Well. my mind, heart and soul are screaming at me that Terrence is him. Well, I stated a few things to him that I had been thinking about, and at one point, I started to cry, out of sheer joy at what he was saying to me, I have never had any one person ever express their feelings to me, and I don't think I have ever experienced love at this level. I was so happy that the tears just came. Oh. to explain the next thing, I want you to know that we have talked, hypothetically about marriage several times in the past. but it was usually never in a fully serious tone, only half serious. but each of us was contemplating it. When he saw me crying, he embraced me so tightly, and with such warmth I felt at totally peace, at that moment, he whispered (and I still don't know if I was meant to hear t or not) that he had "finally found his wife". he pulled back from the embrace, looked so deep into my eyes that it felt as if he touched my soul, and right then and there, asked me to be his wife. I was soo taken aback that I couldn’t speak. I have never been proposed to, and wasn't sure how to respond. All I could do was smile one of the biggest smiles I have ever made, and I replied yes. He said that he was completely serious. no hypothetical at all. he also said that he would ask me again, but this time, would present me with a ring. I know that it could be a while before he can get up the money for that. but I am willing to wait for a man like that. I have never meat anyone quite like him. I have only been in love 2 times before. one lasted for 3 years. but it ended as an abusive relationship. the second was only a one sided love. He was leaving for the Marines, and didn't want to return the love because he knew that he would come out a different person. But both times cannot even compare to my feelings for Terrence. Now I come to my contemplations. I had plenty of time to think about my life and where it was going on the bus ride home. I know that I want to spend my life with Terrence, he and I share the same values, we are both religious people in our own ways. we may not go to church regularly, but we are both at peace with God and what He asks of us. I have never met anyone that was religious and not afraid to admit it, but he isn't overly religious to the point that I am disgusted. :O) We both have the same values regarding marriage. in effect, neither of us believes in divorce. Marriage is for all time, and if you marry a person then it is forever. "'til death do you part" I know that this could work. The biggest obstacle that I can see is the age gap. he is 28, I am 18. It hasn't posed a problem for us before, my mother likes him, and sees that he shows acceptable behavior, and treats me with the utmost respect. He never belittles me, or disregards what I say because I am young. In fact he looks up to me because I have set such high goals for myself, and will stop at nothing to achieve them. He also knows that I want to wait until graduation, or at least close to it, before I get married. And he knows how important Med-school is to me. He also says that he will not marry me until he knows for sure that he can support me. he is one of those chivalrous guys, that believes that a man should be able to support a family on his salary alone. but if his wife wants to work, or even makes more money than him, then he is all for it. he just wants to be able to know that I don't have to work. At the same time, he is giving me more support about being a doctor than any other person. including my family. One thing that bothers me is that he is 28 and still a waiter. I know that it is only temporary, he is working for a career in music, either with a band, as a musical engineer/producer, or as a teacher (he is one of the best drummers I have heard. and writes INCREDIBLE music. everything from piano pieces, to synthesized complete modern music. he can do it all!!!! I know that with my income alone, we can make it. even starting out, being a doctor will be able to support us. The problem could arise in the fact that we will be in debt for a while, paying off med-school, and it would be a shaky start. But of course all marriages start out financially shaky. I am also concerned that because he is so much older, and more ready to settle down, that he will encourage me to marry before I graduate. that would just be another added expense. By the time I graduate, he will be 31. I just hope that he can wait that long. he says that he can, and that he will, I believe him, but he may grow antsy as the years go on. Bottom line is that I love him, and will do anything in the world for him, but of course within reason. I also know that he would do the same for me, without even needing me to ask. I have never felt this way about any other human being. and I don't think that another love like this is possible. besides I don't want any one else but him. soo. Yes, I will marry him. and we will have beautiful children. We know that once this "honeymoon" feelings wear off. our love for each other will change. but as I know my love, I will still be there. by his side. I have never met anyone that completes me, and who I am, so perfectly as he does. not even my best friend. Terrence and I connect we realized this when we first met, and had our first deep discussion. In fact we connected to each other so well. that it scared both of us. and with reason. when you meet someone and the next week you can complete each other sentences. and already know what the other is thinking without them having to say a word, it can be a bit scary. But as we grew, we grew more comfortable with the idea. and now he is ready to marry me. my life couldn’t be more perfect, and I couldn't be any more happier. I am in love. and now, I am engaged!! | high | high | high | low | high |
I have to work at 1pm, go back to my dorm, and get everything organized I still have to do my geology homework and study that since science is hard for me. I need to go shopping for food also and get my internet connection set up. I hope my dad can help me because if not I don’t know when I will ever get on the net and all my assignments are due over it. I also need to call my Brad in College Station. I don’t know what to do in that situation. I think I love him but I need to date others--but who to date? I am not interested in anyone I only want to know for sure if it is Brad I want but how do I know if he really wants me when we go to such different schools and he will probably find an aggie woman I could find a longhorn man also . the guy I just met is pretty cool but I don't see me dating him maybe I should just have fun and see what happens no need to get serious yet-- unlike Lori and I do not want to be like her and Ryan. I am glad I didn’t have to quit my job I love everyone there only my manager is driving me crazy with the shifts I am getting hopefully it will all work out but I have to work 2 shifts today and I still have so much to do I just need to relax or something but I cant until I get all my stuff done. oh well I wish I had time to tell my mom and dad everything that is going on here but things keep coming up people are always calling and or dropping by and there is no time to call unless it is at midnight when they have been asleep for hours its funny because you would think that since we live in the same city I would be able to talk easily but I cant tomorrow is labor day I wonder if Jeff will want to do any thing he probably will and I don't know if I have time or not to spend the day with him and if I don’t he will probably throw a fit since he lives in san marcos but he can come home all the time if he wants or I can visit him I wish he wasn’t so needy he has to really we are not together but he has always been like this that is why we could never work out not like brad though he is wonderful but he wrote me some letter I haven’t gotten it yet and he says parts of it are sad and parts happy I wonder is it good sad like he misses me or bad sad like he met someone else I will find out in the next few days I wonder if Ryan got my letter and how he is doing I wonder how mecredy is doing and when he is going back to Dallas the George strait concert was great I wonder is they got to see brad I wonder how Lori is I haven’t talked to her in a couple of days and we have to do the draw together on Tuesday I hope she can stand in line with me and I may have to leave early since I work at 10:30 I don’t know the games are going to be great I hope I get to go to the A&m game! I don’t think I want to hang out with brad that weekend though I don’t know it depends on him and who knows if I'll get tickets I really want to go though Tyler already has some lined up I wonder how you get to college Station I'm sure someone will give me directions I hope it isn’t too scary I don’t know what I would wear I wonder whose car we could take mine would never make it and it has UT stickers all over so they would trash it | low | high | high | high | low |
ok, go! 20 minutes, and don't stop. what do I write about? I have laundry in the washer. I hope it doesn't shrink. band was fun. only a couple of days till our first game!!! I'm glad I tried out. Meagan and shannon are cool. they helped me alot during summer band. I wonder what they think about me. my microphone fell off. I shouldn't have put it on before I moved up here. college! cool. freedom, school. high school band. Mr. k was nice need to write thank you to Mrs. Burditt. flags, weird stuff. I'm confused. it is fun, but kinda gay. and I'm not! my only way to be in band for now, so ok. submit. internet, wow. find everything, loose sleep. slept at noon today. I need to sleep more at night. our leopard print sheets are so cool. We are damn funny. Mike is funnier. he is just plain wacky. he made callback today. I told him he would. "na, man" go ahead and check, mike, you never know. they liked your accent. Biology video was crazy! "today we are cooking leeches" Earthworm Jim. ivy had fun, too. she's having fun in Ohio. , but she misses us. I miss her too, I like talking to her on ICQ. too many people have icq, and it's messing up. my computer messes up, too. dell is cool, and their customer support is nice. makes me feel stupid. I felt pretty dumb in Calculus. missed the ques. on the review chapter! I have already taken and aced the class. Jessica is cool. can't believe she's w/ gabe. man, that stinks. I should have done something last year, but nooo, I was afraid. gotta be more confident w/ girls. I'm not a bad guy, some girls even liked me. just gotta do something about it. Library. Mrs. ritter was nice. surprised her good she thought I was snobby, everyone judges me before they meet me. "that smart guy" or "the one on the announcements all the time" "the valedictorian" I don't care. I'm a funny person, very nice, and very sweet and romantic. State solo ensemble. Leslie, that was a fun bus ride. again, should have done something , kinda late, since I was leaving for UT. Orange and white. some colors, some school pride. girl in our hall. we are such losers. not even any alcohol or girls (except Jessica and my sister) oh well, give it time. Kate is cool she came down from Baylor. explorer didn't work. Chevy blazer. ford bronco, white OJ. did he do it? I don't know, but he was proven innocent, leave him alone. LA riots, man there is so much hate. Princess Di. die. drunk driver, come on! everyone knows that! paparazzi, not only their fault. James is a total pothead and such a dork. nice when you meet him, then . Dan. I miss Dan, he's funny. need to call Dan. need to call my parents. mom misses me, poor dad, doesn't have anyone to talk to (except mom) I hope I still have friends when I get to be his age. I know he works too much. Scott is online, so is ivy. I wonder what they're doing. Scott at Notre Dame I bet he's having fun. we're actually doing homework who would have thought. college. never had to study before. kinda weird. gotta read sophie's world tonight. I have another writing assignment for Prof. Ross. weird class the meaning of life?!? MONTY PYTHON!!!! funny stuff. I have their game. no time to play it. I need to buy Interstate 76. Dakota wants to play. His stepdad died, but it was better that way. he misses us. I wish we could come down. we will for homecoming. I hope there's no game that day. band again. PC and Martin, do they even notice me? I try hard, I guess, and I really have fun. I've never done this before. picked up on it fast that's what they say. Meagan is cool. she notices I work hard. she never did it before her first year either. I guess she know what it's like. 20 minutes passed 3 minutes ago. I wonder how much longer on the laundry. I'm hungry. what can I eat. ice cream is good. already had it today. jester express might still be open. I have to check hey, movies are on tonight. SCREAM is on. cool. I think I'll watch it. time is up. | low | high | low | low | low |
The computers at Contessa Dorms have no modems. I learned that the hard way. So far, here at UT, computers have been quite a pain in the ass. My password for UT access won't work. Maybe because its nine letters. I can't tell; the instruction sheet said that you're password should be up to 8 letters, not that it had to be at least eight letters. Here in Austin should means has to, I guess. Sir Mix-A-Lot is gone, I guess. He did that Baby Got Back song, and then he disappeared, unless you’re a hardcore rap fan. I once read about some little down in the Midwest where a bunch of rappers lived and made music. Like Robert Earl Keen lives in Bandera, Texas, where I went to summer camp one year. We called ourselves the Homies, and had an old cowboy hat called the Homie Hat. Some guy in another tee-pee shot it up at Riflery one day, so we had a funeral service, of which I was the preacher. We made am H out of rocks above the hole where we placed the hat and said a prayer. The counselor said it was sacrilegious, but we went through with it anyway, and later dug it up and moved it because we thought some one was going to grave-dig it. That’s a great piece of trivia in my life- Where ids the HOmie Hat buried? Someday, maybe I'll go visit Robert Earl Keen and we'll go up to Hamman Ranch YMCA camp along the banks of the ice-cold Medina River and find that H. That would be cool. When I was younger we went to the Monahns in West Texas, whenever we were visiting my grand-parents in Midland. Now my mom and grandmother are in a big tiff over a pins shower cap in the upstairs shower. Its a silly fight, of course, but I guess its kind of interesting to see who gives in and talks to the other first. My favorite tiff ever was the Tongs-Becky tiff of late 1995. It involved car accidents, lies, rumors, name-callings. Now Tongs goes to Montana State, in the Big Sky conference, which brings me back to tiffs. I knew this girl at St. Ed's named Jenn who had a friend she hadn't seen in a long time who went to Southern Utah, which I think is in the Big Sky. So I told her that next time she emails her she should mention that she knew someone in Austin who had a friend who was going to another Big Sky school. I don't think she ever intended to do it, but she emailed her anyway, and this Southern Utah girl never wrote back. I guess she'll never know about the whole Big Sky? Texas coincidence, unless Jenn told her, which I rather improbable. She obviously didn't care. Jorge stole Todd Snider's straw cowboy hat, which is now sitting right in front of me as I write. Todd SNider, from Nashville, was playing at the Luckenbach Laborfest, where we saw him a year before and when he crowd-surfed, Jorge just yanked it off his head. It was badass. Jorge says he doesn't feel bad about it. I wonder if Todd misses that old hat. I think he does, but he learned a valuable lesson, like when Jerry Jeff lost his guitar, and found it at some bar in New Mexico a year later. That story is probably bullshit, as most of Jerry Jeff's seem to be. It doesn't matter- I don't pay to hear storied from an era in his life that he probably really doesn't remember, but I do wish he's play a bigger variety of songs- the man has released over 30 albums- all different, yet plays the same set at every concert. I've never even heard Pot Can't Call the Kettle Black, and that’s one of his biggest songs anyway,. You want stories, talk to old Sean- his stories pretty much suck, but his pride in telling them is what is so interesting. He makes a walk from Georgetown to the Jefferson Memorial sound fascinating, while I almost get lost lost-to-death in some God-forsaken part of East Texas, and I can't even keep people listening. | low | low | low | high | high |
I really don't know how to use the Internet and I have a feeling everyone can tell how ignorant I am. I really wish that I did not have to use the computer for my class assignments, its not like I will really have to use it in medicine. I wish my dad would subscribe t o the Internet at home. Oh well at least during the Christmas vacation I probably get a car if my grades are doing real well. I wish my dad had not held me to that deal, I mean what if I flunk out of math, my dad will kill me. Forget the car I just my hope my dad is in a very happy mood during the Christmas holiday just incase I fail. You know I am really scared what if I really do something to endanger me in to getting to the medical school of my choice, what if do get into medical school and I happen to fail, what if I became a doctor and all my patients died on me will I be labeled as a bad doctor and have to forfeit my license. I really have to talk to the microbiology advisor so I can see what courses I should be taking and when I can fit them in so I can graduate in four years. You know what this is a stupid assignment because I am still thinking about spelling everything correctly and capitalizing, this even reminds of my psychology class in high school. Mr. ward was cool but his class was very boring, he should have known that because everybody was falling asleep and hardly anyone did well on his tests. You know if I had been a braver soul I would have blatantly told him his class was too hard and too boring it didn't even help some of my friends who to the a. p. exam. What kind of teacher is that who can't make sure all his students pass a standardized test he has seen before. that bring me to Mrs. whitenight I cant believe I didn't do that well on the a. p. exam, I suffered through out the whole year in her class only to not be able to receive a four or five. I mean really since I suffered and improved each and every day in her class I should have gotten a five, but oh now you know what I could believe that since she was a member grading the exams that she helped get that low of a score It sounds really silly, but who cares I don't have to look at her ugly face again thank goodness. and You know Mrs. Dubner should not try to cover up that she has thinning hair I mean thousands of women each year go through the same thing, if she really wanted her hair to grow she should have tried rogaine or something to that effect. This is almost over thank you God I never want to do this again but I have to. Yesterday my birthday was half good and half bad I cant believe my family could not have fed exed me a package ,it a good thing I have friends like Jean and Rosemary. I still haven’t talked to Dina and I could not believe she chose my major after saying she would not like it, it would have been great had she told me the truth instead of me having to hear it from Regina the nerve of her trying to steal my major. I mean its not like it belongs to me anyway, but it seems like she going around my back trying to one up like so if we go back to Richardson she can tell every body how much better she is at microbiology than I am. I can tell you one thing she will never get that satisfaction I am going to work harder and work better then she will the only class she can probably beat me in is computer science and I can get me a tutor so I can improve my grades in that , thank you very much. I hope I beat enough so that I graduate suma cum laude(knock on wood) and she graduates cum laude or magna cum laude ( I could care less). Rosemary is a cool roommate , I sort of getting a little tired of jean I mean she complains from one thing to the next but she is a great friend I hope we all graduate together and become even better friends. Today I am supposed to start jogging I hope I can make it around the track once with out collapsing, that would be a miracle in and of itself I think. I know I have to call my parents I am especially worried about my mom I mean ever since the death of Princess Diana she has sounded a lot weaker on the phone I hope she gets over it soon. I hope when I am able to get home for a holiday they will have my birthday presents, I can't believe Jean and Rosemary got me a perfume oil for my birthday that has to be the greatest birthday gift I have received from anyone since I got my Cowboys' jacket from my parents on my fifteenth birthday ( in fact that was the last birthday I got present from my parents at all. You know in the two weeks I have been here I have forgotten all about mike almer its a good thing too because I think I was starting to get obsessed about the whole thing. Maybe I'll see him during the Christmas holiday maybe I wont maybe I'll even have another boyfriend who'll treat me better any way I shouldn't be thinking about that right now I'll think about it later when I am about to graduate from medical school. well thank goodness my time is up its a good thing my professor won't really read this its not embarrassing I just don't feel like having anyone analyzing my brain waves or my mind thinking pattern, I would rather be analyzing someone else myself. I wonder what the projects are going to like I hope its going to great well I have to go so I can eat lunch which I have never wanted more than right now. | high | high | low | high | low |
I finally got all of my Ethernet problems worked out today, so I e-mailed everyone I know. I wish my mom would call so I could tell her that not only did I get the package with my Windows 95 disk but I also received my Nabisco care package. It had all kinds of goodies in it but I haven't yet gotten to eat any of them yet. I wonder where Scott is. I haven't heard from him since Monday I think. He's probably at work, or playing Magic with Tim and Anthony. I'm glad I got a card from Julie today, looks like she's having a good time at OU. Maybe I'll call her before I go to the Red River Shoot-Out in Dallas, or better yet maybe she's got a place to stay in Dallas and I could stay with her. I wish the guys working outside would be quiet. And for once the girls in my hall are quiet, either that or they aren't there. My fingers are really cold , but they aren't numb yet so I guess I'll live. I'm so excited! I get to go to my first UT football game on Saturday. But I also get to go to all of the other home football games because I got Season tickets. maybe I'll see my Aggie friends at the A&M game November, Kristine doesn't have an e-mail address yet otherwise I’d write her. I don't think I get to go home again until September the twentieth, but maybe I'll get to see Scott then, unless he comes here, but I don't think that he'll do that because it will end up costing him to much money, then again it will cost me a lot of money too, if I keep going back and forth I hope that I’m getting enough sleep to make it all the way through the day. I need to start planning my week like I learned how at the time Management and Study Strategies Seminar I went to on Sunday I think I need to take a nap. I wish I had some nail polish remover, I need to repaint my toenails. I wonder if I can make it through three weeks before I need to get my nails redone. I hope so I don’t want to change manicurists, I like Vicky. | low | high | low | high | high |
What to write. I just missed dinner because I came down here to write this paper. I think that they should make dinner last longer then just till 7:00 at night. That sucks. Last night I requested that they give us a new couch because the one we have now hurts my back. Besides I saw what the new couches looked like and they are pretty cool. They are bright blue, not just plan gray. Grey is so boring. I wonder what I will do tonight. I could stay home and do my homework and sleep, maybe get to see what a good night's sleep feels like. But I will most likely go out and party like I always get suckered into. So the guy situation on campus. Not to bad. The one I’m dating now is a sweetie. But now that I’m dating him it is not as fun anymore. Why is that? The fun part is the challenge of getting the guy but now that I have him I don't want to spend any time with him. I am such a bitch. God, my eyes can't handle looking at a computer screen too long. They get all dried out. We have a Nintendo at our room upstairs, and I sit there for hours and my eyes kill me. Well, not really for hours, just a little exaggeration. My roommates are pretty cool. I like them a lot. Sometimes I feel bad because I don't spend as much time with them as they do together so now they are closer to each other and I kinda feel left out. But I spent my time with my other friends. My best friend Athena who is just down the hall and whom I love so very much. I am so glad that she is here. I would hate it here if she weren't. When I fist got here I was kinda upset that she was on my floor because I wanted my space and my time away from her, but now I love it. It is a perfect set up. I can go and visit her anytime I want and she can come to my room if she likes but I don't feel like hanging with her than I don't have to. How come I can write forever and this screen just keeps scooting over, it makes my feel like I’m not writing that much. Last time I did this I only wrote one line. And the sad thing was I was sitting at the computer for about an hour. I just had people distracting me. I wonder how you check your e-mail. I wonder if Chris wrote me. Chris is such a great guy. I hope he comes down and visits sometime soon. I miss the boy. He is the one guy I regret not ever liking. I had my chance with him and broke his heart, but I guess that's the way life goes. I always go for the loser guys who treat me like shit. Maybe that's why I never like a guy after I finally know he likes me, he is too nice and treats me too well. Doesn't that suck. I thought that the psy. experiment in class was very entertaining. I hope that I do well in this class it is truly an interesting subject. But is seems like I won't be doing well in any of my classes. I don't concentrate enough. I came down here thinking that I was going to get a 4. 0, or at least close to that. But now my study habits have gotten so bad that I don't know what is going to happen to my. I think that I will change my ways and get back on track. I started out exercising every day too, but now I haven't ran in several days. The freshman 15 here I come. Ok that has been 20 min. Hope you had fun analyzing me! | high | high | high | high | low |
It is 5:24 in the afternoon. I wonder how long 20 minutes really is and how much I can write. time always seems to go by so slow when I’m bored out of my mind. it's too quiet in this room. usually there's people constantly talking, walking in and out, shouting, banging, or anything to cause distraction. you see, I’m in my cousin frank's room. well, we're not really blood cousins, just cousins by marriage- his aunt married my uncle. anyway, he's pretty cool. I hated him when I was a kid. we were in the same Chinese class and he was one of those really annoying, obnoxious boys that always teased the girls. I guess we're pretty close now. it was pretty scary finding out we were cousins, but its fun calling each other that. ugh. I’m so bored. the only noise I hear is the humming of the a/c which is right above the desk. it's hot, and the a. c. 's not cool enough to keep me comfortable. I’m really paranoid about frank's room. he's a pretty messy guy, and someone just came in here complaining that there were fleas in here. yuck. I hate bugs of any shape and size. all I know is that I’m beginning to feel itchy everywhere. man, it's only 5:35 now. about half way through this writing assignment. laddy da dee da. I don't know what to write. the more I sit here, the more impatient I get and the more paranoid I am about these bugs around me. frank lives inside an Asian fraternity house. I’m not trying to say Asians are dirty, but sometimes the guys do get a little lazy. I wish they'd clean up a bit. even right after the clean, it's still a mess. it smells moldy, the lighting is really bad, the air is thick, and it just feels nasty walking in here. I hate taking showers or going to the bathroom here. the dim lights are constantly flickering, the seats are a dingy yellow/brown color, and it stinks like shit. and the one stall that's actually half way decent has no lights in it. I basically take a shower in the dark. and the worst part is that I paranoid about guys walking in and out of the bathroom while I’m in there changing. all the guys here know me and respect my boyfriend, but it's just the thought of guys there. yes. it's 5:41. and frank and my friend Tony just got back. they're starting their own racing crew and just picked up stickers for their cars. mmm. and they brought back food. even though I don't like McDonalds, I always crave it when I smell it. oh well, I’m just gonna eat some since my time's up. yeah! | low | high | low | high | high |
Right now I am sitting at the computer feeling very good that I am finally doing this assignment. It had been on my mind ever since it was assigned. I can't wait till I am done. Because I know I will feel a sense of accomplishment . Ever since the lecture on Tuesday every time I think I can picture that video we saw in class where the part of the brain was warming up or so called cooking. I imagine my brain is cooking right now trying to think of what to write next. Earlier today I found my emotions changing alot today and I tried to figure out why they changed so much at one point I was extremely shy and the next minute I was outgoing. Right now I feel very comfortable with myself and extremely confident. My thoughts are going every which of way right now. Because I feel pressure to do well in school from myself and my parents. I really would like to please them and show them I am responsible and smart. I feel as though it is not me right now. I find it truly fascinating that my mind is coming up with some of these things right now. I find it really intriguing. Now even after going to class I really feel like hearing the lectures really has made me realize alot of stuff I had not noticed before especially trying to feel what I really feel not what I just think I feel. It just occurred to me that I have not looked up once to see how much time has gone by. I could write this for a while just tracking my different thoughts and feelings and emotions. When I mentioned something earlier about my parents and how I wanted to impress them. I pictured my parents and started having feelings of love because I know they are there for me if I need them. I never have stopped and traced my thoughts before until now. I am wondering now if the tests are going to be hard in this class. I feel pretty hungry right now so I can imagine my stomach relaying something to my part of my brain telling me it is time to eat. I wish I could get controller the part of my mind that controls addiction because I sure would like to quit smoking. I feel as if I have no control over it anymore. When I smell cigarettes smoke. I feel my mind say wouldn't it be nice to have one of those. I guess quitting smoking is telling that part in your mind no and to be stronger than that. That was weird how my mind suddenly brought up smoking I guess because I know I have to quit because it is so bad for you. Well that’s time I really enjoyed this assignment. | low | low | high | high | low |
Okay, I am working on assignment number one in which if I understand correctly, I am to follow my thought pattern. I am thinking about everything that I need to accomplish in the next two or three days. This is difficult to follow because everything seems to run together. This happens to me every night when I try to go to sleep. Sometimes it takes me hours to get there. I have to actually talk myself into clearing my thoughts in order for me to get some sleep. There have got to be some better relaxation techniques that I should try in order to sleep, because I am always tired. When you are always tired, it is difficult to get everything accomplished because your mind and body just do not cooperate. I wonder how much power the mind actually has over the body. Maybe that is something that we will discuss in class. I find the topic very interesting. It is amazing how much more conscientious you become of your thoughts when you are trying to track them. It seems to make you lose some of the negativity or criticism that usually passes through one's mind. It is hard to think when you are trying to, but when you would rather not, you are overloaded with thoughts. Just what exactly are thoughts anyway? I wonder just how the brain actually thinks. The human mind and body are absolutely amazing. They work so precisely that it is quite intriguing. Life itself is amazingly difficult sometimes. All my life, I have wanted to get big, now I would love to be back in kindergarten. Life was so simple back then, Now everything is rushed and hurried and there are still not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to be done. I wonder how other people seem to do everything with such ease, because I definitely cannot seem to get away with doing anything easily. Maybe I will be a stronger person because of it, or maybe I will be insane by age 40. Who knows? only time will tell. I wish I could see into the future to know whether what I am doing now will pay off or if it is being done in vain. Time, what a concept anyway. I would imagine that the world would be quite chaotic without it, but sometimes I still wish that it would go away. I have been typing for a little more than ten minutes now. look at that, I just used time in a simple statement. The concept of time has probably always existed in some form or fashion, however it could not have always been this exact. I wonder who came up with making it the way it is today and if that person knew what a profound effect it would have on the world. I am already ready for Christmas break. I had an absolutely wonderful summer and cannot quite seem to put summer behind me and get in the going to school mode. I want to do well in my classes. I graduated fourth in my class and had a GPA of over one hundred. I made one B is first grade and swore that I would never make another. I guess college is a different thing though and I will have to wait and see how everything works out. It is quite an adjustment from high school. I was trying to stay away from this topic due to our second writing assignment, but my mind is consumed with thoughts about everything that is going on right now which is moving away and going to this absolutely huge school. There are more people on this campus than there are in my whole town. Anyway, I have been typing for more than twenty minutes now. I think my mind skips around a lot and jumps from topic to topic, but oh well, that is how I work. | low | high | low | high | high |
This is one of the most interesting assignments to date in my educational career. Never before have I submitted my work over the computer. I pretty much knew what I was going to write about when I got down here. my ex-girlfriend. She brings out a lot of sensations and feelings, and I can say most have been pleasant, but not lately. The guy next to me seems pretty cool. Some guy just sat down by me. looked like he was lost or maybe self-conscious because he didn't sit long. I guess this place isn't so bad. I've got a hangover. which isn't too bad, considering me excessive intoxication the night before. What a bitch. People type too damn loud!! The guy running this place seems somewhat dorkey. may that be an understatement. Ryan will be happy to know that I am finally going to break it off with her. It's what he wanted, and I too, but I couldn't do it myself. she's too damn manipulating and she's a bad, bad person. Who the hell is she to think that I'll always be here to pick her ass off the ground like some sort of surrogate mother. Last time I checked I don't have any breasts to breast-feed her. But I'll tell you who does. Tiffany Amber Thiessen (also known as val on 90210). They can't be real, say the girls I was watching the show with. what makes them experts on breasts, maybe the fact that they've had them for a long time. But every damn time a girl seems some guy with a ripped ass body they never take in to consideration that that shit could very well be fake, too. I wonder what that loud noise was. I think I curse to damn much. oh well. Yes that would be a cute chick next to me. but she doesn't look all that good. I don't see any fine girls in here. people talk too much. there are a lot of fine girls here but not as many as were anticipated. now sixth street is where you'll find a lot of honnies. Sixth street is where you'll find a lot of stuff, that's where I got my tattoo, which everyone has said they liked it except the artist(known as forest) who tattooed it on my back. Probably because there's too much detail and his lazy ass didn't want to do it all. I've got four more minutes left to this assignment and some guy just dropped his calculator. dumbass. I'm thirsty . und ein bischen hungry, that was a little German for those wondering(hope I spelled it right). It's odd as soon as we see someone or meet someone we immediately pass judgment on them, we don't know these people but we judge them one first impressions. which can be positive or bad. my first impressions come off better when I've had a little to drink, not that my sober impressions come off as bad, I can always entertain people better when I've had a little to drink. . gotta go | high | low | high | high | low |
Well I really do have alot I should be doing right now but I thought I would get this out of the way and I want to do it early because I am paranoid it won't get sent by some freak accident. Anyway I really need to get stuff done. I need tp study for French even though it's a French I test and I've been in French for 3 years so hopefully I will do o. k. Some guy just tried to chat with me but I told him I was busy and now I feel kinda bad. Oh well he'll get over it. People in Austin really do try to chat with other people in Austin alot. The only people that try to talk to me are online. Maybe it's because I intimidate people. I'm 6 feet tall. I like it though because most guys find it really attractive. My boyfriend loves it. He lives in New Jersey so it really doesn't matter anyway. I really love him. I met him Cancun In May after graduation and he has called me just about every night since. He's even coming down here next month to see me. I really miss him. He really can't even afford to come down because he works in a casino in Atlantic City. That actually kinda bothers me. He's 24 years old. He really needs some ambition. That's something I really admire in people. I've got alot myself. I hope to be a producer someday and live in New York. I can't wait to get out of here. I'm already ready to graduate. I miss my friends from home. Hopefully I can see Jina in 2 weeks. I may go to visit my brother at A&M so hopefully we can hang out. I really feel like people don't understand me. I really wish Rich lived closer. I know he loves me. I went with my roommate to visit her boyfriend at Baylor this weekend. It was fun. I just really miss my boyfriend even more now. I really nee to read for RTF right now. I want to read ahead for this week. I just want to get out of here. I just wish I could pack up my bags and move to Europe. I do want an education so I guess I'll stick around here for four years or so. I need to call Jina. I ran into my old boyfriend the other day but I pretended I didn't see him. He is someone I will never get over. He had the most amazing mind. He is going to be very successful one day. I feel like he is out of my league. I know I'm not but he just never really understood me. I hope I see him again this week and maybe I will have the courage to talk to him. | high | high | low | low | high |
I'm in the computer lab upstairs. I don't know what to write. there are a lot of people here. the computer next to me is broken but I don't know how. the guy who was sitting there earlier was kinda cute in a nerdy sort of way. some guy just walked behind me. there was a loud noise just now. don’t know what it was though. kinda scared me cause I thought I did something wrong and the people who control the computers would come after me and make me pay a million dollars for the entire system. wow the girl next to me got a long email. I got a few emails today. why do people wear socks with sandals? don't they know it doesn't look good? the computer screen is huge. I bet you a million dollars that this is the stupidest writing assignment you will get back from a student. I don't really measure up to the rest of the class. wow the girl next to me is typing really slowly. I'm in the I section. how come on some computers I and l look the same and they also look like 1. ewwwwww that girl should NOT be wearing something so tight. I've been at this computer for a long time. how come there are so many blonde people here. I wouldn't want to have yellow hair. I want headphones so I can listen to music. I'll bring them next time. I'd do this from my room, but I don't have my Ethernet set up because the computer store doesn't have any software there. recycling is weird. why don't they make it a law that you have to recycle. and if you don't recycle, you get fined like a million dollars. why do people read when they should log onto their computer? I mean, there are TONS of people waiting to use computers and then you have people like this who read instead of type. why do people sit at booths in the cafeteria alone? don't they have common sense? a booth is not for one person. it's for more than one person. that's why there are tables everywhere. so you can eat at tables alone in the corner instead of taking up a whole booth alone. there should be a law against that. I’d enforce it. Emily's boyfriend's name is Steve. that's my boyfriend's name. only her boyfriend is close by. mine is far. it's sad. she's going to go out with me and her boyfriend this weekend. she's gonna have sex with him. I want to have sex. but Steven’s so far away right now. I have a chem test on Wednesday. I’m scared. I think I’m gonna fail it. I have to study. tonight is Melrose place though so I can't study at 7. I’ll study after that. I wanna party. I drank too much coke today. i want water. I’m hungry. man it's cold here. how come my room is so cold? I want to change the temp but then it might be too hot. every place is freezing here and it's hot as hell outside. is hell a bad word? why do people think it's bad? and why is God Damn so bad? you can say ass on TV but not god damn? and who decided it was bad anyway? I wrote a high school essay about it one time but I have no idea. why are bad words bad words? who decided they were bad. I want glasses. I think it makes you look smarter if you get a good pair that is. the computer next to me is broken. that noise was loud again. same noise as before. green is a cool color. forest green though. not the crappy lime greens and other green colors. forest green. aha! I’m right under the vent. that's why I’m freezing. I can't wait for Melrose place tonight. I’ve been waiting all summer for it. do you think Amanda's gonna leave? she can't. she's my favorite. I’m glad Allison left. Billy’s a whiner. glad they killed Brooke off. ever watch 90210? it's stupid. why do they have Braille on the number things that say what station you're on? How would a blind person use a computer? I want email. I get a ton of it but I want more. I want real letters though. I want to go down to the mail place and be able to say "WOAH I GOT MAIL". :( This paper was a cool one to write. I wanna do it again but I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I skipped class today. don't know why. I was lazy. I need to shape up or ship out. I never liked that phrase. who wants to ship out? how can you ship out? we're all on land. not at sea. Steven’s joining the navy. I wish he wouldn't go. I want him to move here. why do people wear fanny packs? they're not flattering. too many sorority chicks here. we have 2 kappa deltas on our floor. valley girls. UT Austin Recycles. I don't. do they make the whole school do it? I love the smell of freshly done laundry. I did my laundry already but I want to do it again so it'll be all warm and smell good. I want to go to a party. I want to get drunk like on my vacation. not that drunk though. just drunk enough to have fun. wow that guy's cute. he looked at me. woo hoo. there are a lot of old people here. old old old. I wanna be older but I don't wanna get OLD. just hit submit and you'll get it huh? that's cool. I still have to find my way here one more time to write it again. wow so much fun. there are too mane people here waiting for computers. I should go downstairs next time. warning! when you log out all your files will be erased. duh. save em loser. psychology. how come every frat boy and sorority chick majors in psych? how many psychologists can the world have? did you know UT is the slacker school of the nation. I read that somewhere. isn't that cool? this place is huge. wow he's a hippie. what am I? normal. abnormal. quiet. loud. who knows? I’m me I guess. I’d like to know what other people think about me though. might be interesting. time's up. I gotta go check my mail. | low | low | low | high | high |
I really like doing this assignment. I did it in my senior AP English class many times. I think the assignment was really interesting to my teacher, and that is why we did it so often. I am having a little trouble with this one though because there isn't rally a topic. My English teacher would usually give us a vague topic, just something to get us started. Some of the topics were going to college or music or sports or something like that. My favorite topic was always music. I think music may be the most important thing to me other than loved ones. I listen to it a lot and it makes me very happy. It is very important to me. But I think what makes me the most happy is playing the guitar. I love creating music. I think it is very gratifying. I may not always play real well, but I am always making some sort of music, even if it sounds terrible. The guitar is probably a kind of escape for me. I really forget about everything else when I am playing. It makes me feel so good. But I think I can do some of m best thinking when I have the guitar in my hand. I f I am just sitting there strumming the guitar it kind of clears my head. So I guess the guitar serves many different purposes for me. Lets see. I am trying my hardest not to write about college. It is very hard since it has pretty much consumed my life for the last two or three months. It is mostly because ever since I started getting ready to move there has been so much stuff to do. I am really being distracted by the television that is on in my room. I have terrible study habits that I need to break as soon as possible before I get to far into college. I was able to breeze through high school without studying, but I know I won't be able to do that in college. Of course sport center is on so it is very hard for my to resist. I know that I watch too much sports. I will really watch anything. | high | low | low | high | low |
Well I am sitting here in my room and it's about 2:30 PM. My roommate is on the phone so it's not very quiet in here right now. Last week my boyfriend hooked up the Ethernet on my computer. After trying to get it to work we finally got everything hooked up. It seemed to be working, well all of the programs were working but when I went to shut the computer down it came to a blue screen and my computer was messed up. It said a bunch of stuff about pressing a key to terminate a program that wasn't working, well I pressed a key and the screen was frozen. What's wrong!!!! I restarted the computer and shut it down again and it still did the same thing. Today I turned the computer on and it did the same thing. I called the computer center and after being on hold for an hour I finally go help, well I guess you can call it help. He couldn't help me but he set up an appointment for Friday with someone who will help me. Hopefully I can get this thing figured out. I just bought this computer a few months ago and it was very expensive. Well enough about computers. I am a little tired. I had an 8 o'clock class, after the class though I came back to the room and took a nap until 12:30. I think that made me even more tired. Well I need to start reading my English. I have a book I have to finish by Thursday. I am half-way through, but there's still 120 pages to go. I hate reading! I read slow and it takes forever. That's not very good for an English major. I should enjoy to read, especially because I will be doing a lot of it in the future. I am a sophomore student here but this is my first year here. This is a big change, I am very close to my family and it was hard to leave them. I am 2 1/2 hours from home so it's not that far, but it's still a lot of driving for the weekend. I went home this weekend. I was glad to be home. I'm not sure if I like this place yet or not. I think it will take a little time. At least my roommate is sweet, we get along good. That's a positive thing. The bad thing is that last night we found roaches under the sink. Babies so they're everywhere under the sink. It is really gross. I never saw roaches before so I freaked out. The weird thing is that we don't have any open food, I guess the roaches are looking for the water and it's also dark under there. We put a request in to have someone come and spray. They haven't yet. I hope they come soon! Well my time is almost up. This was really weird just writing off of the top of my head. Actually it's kind of peaceful because I enjoy typing. Well I have my psychology class next, at 3:30 PM. I need to get ready for class. I need to check if they got the books in yet. Last Friday they didn't have the book in. Well my time is up so I will submit now. Until the next assignment. see you later!!!! | low | high | low | high | low |
I'm so glad Lizz, my roommate, just left to see Brad, a guy she has liked for quite some time now. I think they should get together as more than friends, but sometimes that just doesn't work. I remember a time when a friend of mine turned out liking me as more. I don't know why this computer always makes some kind of noise like it's starting up even when I’m not using it. Someone is very loud in the hall. They sound like they are having fun. wish I could join them. Is Ben thinking about me right now? I wonder were he is and if he loves me the way he says he does. I wish I was a better typist. There is so much chemistry I need to be doing. Is there a party in the next room? Cohen just walked in. is he up to something? This room is kind of hot and I could really drink something cold right now. I just hate people who expect me to understand them when they're speaking a language I don't know. French wouldn't be bad to learn, though. Wish I was at Disney World right now. I just saw Mickey and Minnie on my shelf and remember the great summer we had there. Well mom and dad were fun, but Brandon was a royal pain in the butt. I even have Chip and Dale wallpaper on my PC. gosh, am I a fanatic or what. I think I just know a good thing when I see one. Speaking of good things, I wish I was good at chemistry so I wouldn't have to study the rest of the night and early into the morning. I don't think I'm doing this assignment right because I'm now to the point where I'm thinking of things to say. sitting at this desk is not comfortable at all. My hair is in my face and I wish it was alot longer than it is so I could pull it back. Jester is not a bad place to live except for the constant interruptions. This comp is a pain because the mouse is built in and I always hit it when typing. Who keeps slamming those doors. Doesn't anyone have homework besides me. I put too much pressure on myself to make my parents proud of me. This coo-coo clock on my comp just made a noise and the bird, Iggy is so cute nose itches. it always does. Does that really mean that someone is thinking about me. If it's true I hope it's Ben. I wonder where he is now. Is he going to call me soon. When I get through with this I need to check my e-mail to see if anyone is trying to get a hold of me. I miss Tara. She's the only friend I can really tell things to. If she came up to UT I would never get any of my homework done. But then again she would spend alot of time with my brother. He treats her so bad. I don't know why she puts up with it. I always wondered why people couldn't answer when I asked them what they were thinking. This assignment proves there is always something on your mind. I just hit the home key and it took me to the beginning of this writing and I wasn't smart enough to figure out to hit the end key until I scrolled all the way through what I just wrote. If I could type faster this assignment would flow a lot more smoothly and I wouldn't lose any of my thoughts while typing previous ones. I wonder how long it's been. The way I'm sitting here is hurting my back. I can't believe I wrecked my car and got whiplash. It's been two months and I'm still doped up. I can't even carry a bookbag without it hurting. It sounds like there is a guy talking outside my window but that is not possible because I'm on the tenth floor. It's been almost twenty minutes but this is kind of fun. I should do this more often. It got my mind off of chem for a while and relieved some of my stress. I'm such a basket case anyway, I worry way too much about stuff that I end up doing just fine on. The phone is ringing in the other room. I wonder when Ben is going to call me. If I didn't worry about him so much and worried about chem a little more I probably wouldn't hate it so much. I can't wait to go to the frat party this weekend. There are so many guys there that want to go out with me. I wonder if that's true or if Ben just said that to flatter me or to make himself believe that he has a beautiful girlfriend. Oh I'm so bad, I've only known him for a little while and I'm already second guessing him. He is actually the best guy I've had in a while. He is so smart. how sexy. That guy is still talking outside of my window. I guess I shouldn't be correcting my mistakes when typing but even my friends say I'm a bit of a perfectionist. | low | high | high | low | low |
Whenever I do assignments like these, I usually seem to write over the required time. I've always been more of a thinker than a talker. I seem to possess the strange habit of going into such deep thought that I am completely oblivious to my surroundings, something that really annoys both my sister and boyfriend. I guess I don't really feel the need to always take part in hincty conversation taking place around me. At the moment I'm wondering if I'm supposed to go to the next line while writing or if I'm supposed to keep writing in one straight line like this. The screen seems to just be going to the right when I type instead of ending and going to the next line. Right now I am listening to Morrissey. I can hear it from the bedroom- I'm sitting in the living room which attaches to the kitchen. When I walked into this apartment for the first time ever, it had a much different feel to it than it does now. This is Eric's apartment, my boyfriend, and it feels bigger than when I saw it for the first time. I'm typing on his computer-wow, I finally went to the next line-because my laptop has seen nothing but endless problems from when I first got it. My fingers are feeling numb while typing- he keeps it so cold in here. He's gone to run errands for a couple of hours so this felt like the perfect time to work on this assignment. Psychology has always interested me. I went to visit TCU and sat in on a psychology class and never before had a class interested me as much as this one did. Actually, I think it was at Hendrix. I couldn't stop talking to my mom about it. But that's not really the field I want to go into. I really want to go into early-childhood education. While in that class, the professor showed a film of schizophrenia where one example was a woman who, in one stage of her mind, became an infant and when she cried, the whole class was shocked by how much she actually sounded like a baby. I have no regret that I choose UT. I love Austin and I'm not the kind of person to let 500-people classes bother me. I can't help but feel like while writing this I should focus more on my emotions or something- glancing back over this I realize how boring this is and I apologize to the reader. It doesn't seem to me that my thoughts are usually this shallow and simple but then again, when I'm thinking to myself, my thoughts are not usually this clear-cut. They're usually one huge mass of ideas and vibes I receive from my surroundings. Well, once again I think I've gone a bit over my time limit so I'll stop now. I'm glad this is graded on completion and not depth. | high | low | low | high | high |
I think I have one of the shortest attention spans. For some reason I can't concentrate on one thing for more than fifteen minutes. I was never diagnosed as A. D. D. though. I don't think I'm A. D. D. I just think I don't put forth the effort to concentrate. I was trying to read for English, but I couldn't keep my mind on it for anything. Every time I sat down to read I go sleepy. I try to stay focused, but it's hard. I wonder why my concentration is so limited. I think it all depends on what I'm interested in . I can read things relating to the human anatomy all day, but I have trouble focusing on things dealing with English or history. My mind often starts wondering. I've really had to adjust these first few weeks. Not only did I have to adjust academically, but socially. Even though I have a group of best friends, I still miss my friends back home. My mom, sister, and I are best fri3nds, and it's is pretty hard because I can't just pick up the phone and call them. It took a couple of day for me to realize this. I also have a boyfriend back home. This has also been hard. It's been hard for both of us. We were in the habit of talking everyday, and seeing each other quite often, now he's three hours away. I think he's taking it a little harder than I am. I'm keeping busy so I'm not constantly thinking about him. There's so much going on here. Between keeping on top of all of my classes, and hanging out, there's no more time left in the day. We've been having so much fun. The other five girls I hang out with are great. We all bonded so quickly. They really help to keep me focused on what I need to do. Of coarse with a group this big personalities flare, and we have disagreements, but surprisingly instead of holding grudges we talk it out. Females are stereotyped as being gossipy, and shady. Yes we do gossip, but if we say something behind someone's back, you can guarantee it's already been said to their face. So far everything's been going pretty smoothly. I hope this bond that is present now remains present for the next four years. It's difficult to say if it will because we can't predict the future, and people change. When we're just sitting around we talk about our future as friends. I've already asked them to be bridesmaids at my wedding. Who knows when that will be. I don't plan for it to be any time soon, but I do hope our friendship will at least last that long. Friendship is a very important thing to me. It gives a sense of warmth, and belonging. It's like we have known each other for years. I hope nothing, but good will come out in due time. | low | low | high | low | low |
Well, after two weeks of trying to find a computer after receiving this assignment, I finally found one. Unfortunately it is probably in one of the worst possible locations, at least unbeknownst to the owner of this computer, who is-ironically enough, my poor neighbors who suffer through hours and hours of us ( the people living next door) screaming and yelling and jumping around until the wee small hours of the morning. I can hear the people in my room pounding on the wall now. ohhh shit, this girl who owns this computer just told me, not knowing it was me, that she hates the people who live next door (ahhhh!) I am smiling now. I always find irony amusing. They are still pounding next door. What the hell are they doing. HE HEHEEHEH-they just called us the 'Fort Worth Girls' now that's funny stuff. I seriously have a major stomach ache. It hurts soo soo soo bad. I have been sick for like, three or four days now, I really feel terrible. My insides just hurt and every time I stand up I get dizzy. This computer is slightly difficult for me to type on. Oh well I only have 13 minutes left if I did my math correctly which, knowing my intellectual level, I probably did not do. I kind of feel bad that these people I don't even personally know already hate me and my suite mates. That's kind of depressing you know, but then hey, what can you do about it? Everyone is entitled to pass their own judgements, how ever unfortunately. I wish my computer was working. It's really, really cute. It's a new black compaqe-compaque well however you spell it that's what it is. I wonder how I did on my French test two days ago. I hope that I did okay. I am seeing all kinds of new people. Isn't it surprising all the people that you see all the time, every day that you don’t know and will never meet? I think that that is , well to say the least, strange. MY back really hurts. I think , wow, coughing fit, that I will thank the girl who's computer this is profusely. I feel so bad now, physically and mentally. I cant wait to go home this weekend. Have my mom take care of me and see my guy that I am kind of dating. I miss him. he says he misses me. I wonder if he is sincere in the way that he expresses himself he is so poetic and thoughtful and lovely. I said that I loved him but I don’t know if I really meant it. I don’t know if I could ever really love anyone. After all, I really don’t even think that I love myself. chocolate milk, how random, sounds totally really really good right now. Anyway, he has a boxer dog named Romeo. Very cute. I hate most dogs however. I love my cats. I miss my cats. I am glad I am getting at least this first assignment done. I cant spell for shit tonight. I also manage to talk like a sailor. Oh well. I feel bad, this girl has like left her room, probably until I leave, I guess I wouldn't want to hang out with a strange blonde girl typing on my computer either. I wonder if she is talking about me now or will talk about me when I leave. That must suck, to know that that is going to happen and well, I guess I'll just be as nice as I can be. I really don’t want her to hate me but oh well. Oh hello boy in very very short shorts. That is so Montreal. I am just in extreme pain. I want to work out and I haven't in like ohhh-three weeks now. Hello freshman 15, 25, 55. I’m all about gaining weight this year. My mom is going to freak out and enroll me in every diet program in the country. Maybe I just can start like, slim fast right now, save myself some time and pain with my mere. I want to go to France. I wonder what exactly constitutes 20 minutes. I really must be very very thankful. I am such a terrible person. I really really am mean. | low | high | high | low | high |
This assignment was not as hard to figure out as I thought it was going to be. Actually it was quite easy. All I had to do was follow the simple directions. It is pretty cool in here. This library is not quiet though. I thought libraries are for people trying to read or study, but this one has lots of little rug rats talking and laughing. Oh well. Next weekend is going to be a lot of fun. I get to go see my boyfriend, who lives in Lubbock. I can't wait. Boy, I miss him a lot. I wonder how much my phone bill is going to be from calling him almost everyday. These two guys sitting by me are talking about weird things. I don't think they can figure out their computer. What do I want to buy today, when I go shopping? I'm not quite sure. Maybe I will get a new dress. I really need to start looking for a homecoming dress. I have to have it by October because that is when Texas Tech's homecoming is. Hopefully my parents will pay for it. How do I tell them though, that on the way to San Antonio I got a speeding ticket. I guess I will just tell them that I was so anxious to see them that my anxiety caused me to speed. The police officer was not very understanding though, although I was at fault and I am going to pay the consequences. I need to study all day today, but I’m not really looking forward to it. If I get behind in my school work though, it will be extremely hard to catch back up, and I don't want to have to do that. Maybe I will go out tonight and have a really fun time dancing and stuff. That ought to compensate for me studying all day, and release the stress. At least I will have something to look forward to tonight. For now I only have studying to look forward to. Who do I want to go out with? Maybe I will call up Jessica. She's pretty fun to hang out with, or maybe I will go to a club with my brother and his friends along with mine. No, I did that last night. It was fun though, maybe I should do that again tonight. Whatever the case, I need to have a night of fun planned so that tomorrow I can study all day again. I wonder what my roommates are doing. I bet they are watching TV That's all they ever do. It must get boring for them, but evidently they like it. I can't do that, because I get overly-bored. They are the type of people that don't like to do anything outside of the house. I can't believe I got messed up with them. If I only knew that they were like that, I would have never agreed to live with them. They are kind of psycho. I don't know how anyone can fight and be unhappy as much as they are. I try to stay away from there, but maybe I need to find new places to go. My brother is probably half way to Wisconsin right now. I hope he is doing well. At least I got to see him before he left. That girl has a tattoo on her ankle in the shape of a snake. That is so ugly. I would never get a tattoo like that. I think it is so unattractive to guys. That lies right above the piercing on the face. I don't really think too bad of piercing your belly button, but anything else is too far. Actually, I have even thought about getting mine pierced, but I’m not quite sure if I want to go through all of that pain. Wow, that lady has a huge afro. Doesn't she know that it looks really bad. I guess if she thinks it looks good though, then that is all that matters. | low | high | high | high | high |
My name is Rebecca Webber. I wonder how many people will start out this writing by stating their name. it seems the logical thing to do since they have just finished typing it and therefore will be thinking about it. I wonder if this assignment is some kind of study that our professor is doing. he did say that he and whoever helps him would not get around to reading these writings for a long time which makes me think that he is compiling some big database to look at find stuff out about people who take a beginning psychology course at the University of Texas and what makes them tick. I wonder how many people will write about how they think that this is a dumb assignment. how come my words are appearing on the screen on one huge line instead of returning to the next line? I would really like to have access to these writings. I bet it will fascinating to see what people will put down. can any of this be used against me in a court of law? I am having a great deal of trouble making my computer operate correctly. that is why I am writing this assignment in the basement of jester instead of in the comfort of my own room on the 11th floor. I am worried about having to run down that many steps if there is a fire. the thought of burning to death does not scare me as much as the thought of drowning. that is odd since I am an excellent swimmer and even have worked as a lifeguard. the summer I guarded, I had nightmares about drowning. I don't want to think/write about that anymore. I wonder if Luke write his article for the Texan. I wonder if Daniel is mad about the letter I wrote him. relationships are very hard sometimes. I have two hard relationships. one with Daniel and one with Abby. gabe is hard to relate at times too. I like Abby more now that I don't have to live with her. I wish that I could just be normal where Daniel is concerned. actually that is the problem: I am normal. I am tired of this. I swam laps today. exercise is very good for self-esteem, not because it makes you look better although it does)it just makes you feel better about yourself. I wonder if there is a hormone released when you work hard at something that makes you feel good about yourself. this seems like such a waste of time. I glad to help professor pennebaker get tenure though. | high | high | high | high | low |
My name is Oscar Criel. I really don't know what I'm supposed to write but I guess I'll start anyway while I have some free time. I don't know if we're supposed to word wrap this thing or not so forgive me for the excessive going out of the lines. I just barely made it here to the Ugl and decided "why not and just do my homework while I have time. " Today in Psych class it was pretty boring. I just wish we did something a little more interesting. I took this class because an old girlfriend/friend recommended taking this class. She told about her Psych class and how interesting it was. So far I like the class but I wish we could start on some interesting facts. I still haven't bought my Psych book and I hope I can hang on for one more day. I'm really just worried about whether my financial aid is coming in. I also miss home already. I decided not to go home over the holidays so I could stay here and hang out with my friends. But I think I made the wrong decision. Even though I came during the summer I still miss home. For that whole month in the summer of 97 I just thought about going home. I was in the preview program for the summer but I don't regret being in that program. I met some of the coolest people during the summer than I have my whole entire life. My old friends seem like dumb asses when compared to the ones I met. I just wish I didn't feel so insecure About Math. I hate Math. I used to be good in it when I was in Jr. High and the beginnings of my high school life. But during my Jr. and Sr. year I really slacked off and got my first C's from my Pre-cal class and my Calculus class. That's one of the reasons I came during the summer so I could take Pre-cal. That was one of the worst Classes I have ever taken. I got my first D in the summer and my dad wasn't to happy. He graduated from UT and he wants me to do the same. I'll try not to disappoint him but I don't know what the future holds for me. I just wish I wasn't in a major that required taking a math class. But I hope I get an A average this fall. I better. I just need to work more smarter and know and learn how to study better. Plus I have a work study job now and I hope that doesn't drag me down. I guess It's almost been twenty minutes but I still got about three more minutes to go . It's weird but I didn't think I could type for a solid twenty minutes without stopping for a five minute rest or something. One ting I know right now is that I am starving. That damn job is costing me my lunch. I think I have to start packing a lunch every time I go to work. I need to buy meal replacement bars when I get my first paycheck. I just hope it's more than a hundred dollars. I forgot but I need to call my dad and ask about the financial aid. I guess I'll call him tonight and maybe he could sort out things. I feel so tired. I just want to go back home and sleep for ever. But I know that wouldn't be the wise thing to do. College sucks. I just wish things came a lot more easier to me. I have no more thoughts. I am just stuck here typing on a computer. Well I better go eat now and hope that I typed enough for this assignment. One down and one to go. I guess I'll see you in class. Bye. | low | low | low | low | high |
I am reading a book called Atlas Shrugged and it is affecting my consciousness and belief system more significantly than any novel I've ever read. Ayn Rand wrote it and it's just a metaphorical portrayal of her philosophy of Objectivism, but the book touches on subjects that I feel are very important to all humans. I find myself newly enraged at those incompetent people of the world. Not because they are incompetent but because they are the ones who ask for help and breaks and favors by those people who built the society in which we live. The anti monopoly law is a perfect example of this. Why should the men who built the country be penalized just to give the other people who weren't strong, smart, or productive enough a "fair" chance. It really is disgusting. Just as is, in the theatre department they don't allow one person to get too many leads in order to give other people a chance. THIS IS STUPID. If those others who would never otherwise get a chance can't cut it, then they don't deserve a chance to begin with do they? I also notice the moral depravity of some of my friends. These are the ones who are joining fraternities in order to get breaks when they go into the real world. Personally I would hate knowing that I found my station in life by the grace of one of my old drinking buddies. I would much rather know that my hard work, intelligence and talent got me to where I was. But not many people think like this anymore. I guess that I just have way too much faith in my abilities, but I'm glad I do. Ayn Rand is right in saying that incompetency should not be rewarded in society, but it is. So in the book, all of these genius men, who have built of the industrial world are becoming much too regulated, to the point of ridicule, so one guy called John Galt decides that all of the producers should go on strike against the looters. He decides to stop the motor of the world - hence, Atlas Shrugged. So one by one, men who own oil companies and car, and coal, etc. starts disappearing and the world fall apart. It is such a great argument too. You should never take advantage of the hand that feeds you, especially if you haven't the abilities to perform their task as well as they have. This is not, however, indicative of a condoning of ruthless, unfair capitalism. The men who build the world in this book form a secret Utopia and their motto is that they will never give to any man anything, nor will they take more than is their due. Thus, charging unfair prices etc. is just as bad as giving breaks to the dumbasses. Anyway, I have this friend called Jason and since this is for psychology, hopefully someone will read this and can tell me what his problem is. Actually he's not my friend anymore because I don't want such an asshole for a friend. He's the only person I've ever met in my life that truly believes that he's better than everyone around him. You hear of people speaking of someone like this but they are never quite as serious about it as I am. He thinks that he's found the only way to living, and it's so wrong it's sad. The only thing by which he measures success is economic gain. I have heard say horrible things about all of his "friends" and have heard what he's said about me behind my back. I've overheard him saying that he's set in life because when his dad dies he's going to get 500000. This wouldn't be so bad if his parents abused him or something but they are the nicest people in the world and give him everything he wants. Of course, this is probably the root of his problem. I've noticed that he doesn't go to parties unless he's throwing them. If he actually does go to one, afterward he makes it a point to call out all of the things that in his eyes were bad about it. He doesn't want to hang out with these people because they are irresponsible and are potheads, while he smokes just a much pot as they do. And, they pay rent and go to school all on their on while he does nothing but loot off of his parents. He really has sever problems. I guess you'd just have to know him to know exactly what I mean, the biggest asshole ever. Anyway, uhmmmmmm, I went back home this weekend to get my car and I got to see my dog. I missed her more than I missed my parents. She’s so pretty. She's a golden lab retriever and she sleeps in my bed with me every night, Just as she has since she was a puppy. the other day my mom almost got her run over by letting her go to the bathroom without the leash, she ran out in front of a car and they had to swerve up into our yard to miss her. Pretty scary. but she was ok thank god, just really scared. She had her tail between her legs all night long. My roommate is really cool and nice thank god. you never know what kind of freak you're going to get when you go pot luck, thank goodness he's not a freak. He's listens to a different kind of music than I do, but that's cool, because I'm learning a new genre. anyway, my 20 minutes are up so bye bye. | high | high | low | low | high |
My roommate has a poster of a wolf beside the computer. it looks like an Alaskan husky my aunt has. I saw a wolf once and a coyote ran across the road in front of me while I was driving. My friend Brandon was with me and said did you see that as if I didn't see a big coyote run in front of my car . Brandon is not very bright but I feel sorry for him because he doesn’t have many friends. We worked together one summer on a farm and he didn’t work very hard and that makes me mad because I had to do most of the work. I just sneezed and every time I sneeze I do it more than once my mother is the same way she sneezes three or four times in a row . I am sure she misses me a lot right now . I can't believe she cried when I left to move to college. That embarrasses me but at least she cares about me. She has more respect for me than my older brother and that makes me mad because I love my brother and he is a good person but since he went of to college and messed up a little she has in her on way shunned him. And now my family looks at me like I am the good child. I am not good but they think I am. Whenever I got my first job my parents thought I was so responsible . I hated that job. I hate HEB to this day . All the people who worked there made me feel like a snob because I was actually going to go to college one day instead of working at HEB for 30 years . Why am I still upset about a job I quit 2 years ago . That's like Amanda Baize cheated on me in the 8th grade and I will never forgive her . It hurt so bad . I mean, I have had a different girlfriend who I love very much for the last three years but I still hate Amanda Baize. Misti Davidson was her best friend and used to be mine but she stopped talking to me because she felt she was too good to talk to me . People would think I am crazy for saying that but that is the truth. Now I am feeling guilty for just complaining about stuff in a homework paper to people who don't even know me and now I feel like when anyone reads this paper they will think that I am a guy with a lot of problems. I am actually a very stable person all my friends come to me for help because I give good advice. I really hope someone can read this paper because I am trying to be honest and type everything I am thinking while I am thinking it but it doesn't always come out in readable text . I am worried about this class because Pennebaker said that students who took some Psychology in High school do worse in his class than others . I don't think I am the kind of person to rest on my laurels but maybe I am deluding myself . One thing that bothers me is whenever I think I am not being honest to myself. Does that make sense ? Now I feel like I am talking to a Psychologist and he is analyzing all that I say and I feel really foolish . How stable am I really? I don't care. I like my life and anyone who says that I have problems can kiss my butt because they have problems of their own. We all have problems but that doesn't keep most of us from functioning. I got a feeling I won't do very good on this paper and I guess I am feeling "anxiety" but I have been typing for well over 20 minutes and I have shared much more than I really wanted to, to people who don't really care and frankly I am tired. One of my many faults is that I am too trusting and any time I talk to anyone I reveal too much . Thank you for your time . Sorry for this mess (my life or paper, take it either way) Hasta luego | high | low | low | high | low |
Well I finally got into this computer. I have been waiting in line for a while and I'm really not sure what to say on this assignment. My mind is going crazy because I really don't know how to use these computers but I did figure it out. I think I might have sent an empty page or two to you because I wasn't sure that I didn't have to press enter when I was through typing my name and social security number. I shouldn't have left this to be done for the last minute. This assignment is due today by 5 p. m. and I hope that they go through to you. I really don't know that much about computers but they sure are smart. Well the person who programmed these computers are smart. I hope I do well in this class because I would like to have a good grade point average when I finish school. There are only three people in my family that have gone to college and this includes me. I really want to show my parents that I can do well on my own and be ( I just forgot what I was going to say sorry!) I can't think of the word right at this moment but it will eventually come to me. I'm not really sure if this is what you want me to be writing but I will try my best to tell you what I am thinking. I am confused right now because I am thinking of many things that I have to do. I am behind in one class and that is philosophy. I can't really comprehend what philosophers are saying. To me, I think some of the things they say are pointless, but hey that's just what I think. Last night I was trying to catch up on my reading but I can't really understand things when I can barely read what they have to say. I guess I have to read it a few times before I really understand what they are trying to say. It's like they never come to a point until a few hours later. My back hurts, not that you wanted to know that but that's what I'm thinking. I am trying my hardest this year trying not to procrastinate as much as I used to in highschool but highschool is different. I am running out of things to say and I am just typing empty words on the screen because my time is going so slow. I have about ten more minutes. I will tell you what I am doing this weekend and about my apartment complex. When my roommate and I moved into our apartments we had a few problems with management and our "home". First we were supposed to get our apartment fully furnished but some things were missing and management decided not to tell us until we had to ask them. We were missing a couch and a few chairs. I really didn’t mind about that because as long as I had a bed to sleep in I was fine. But my roommate finds any little thing to gripe about. It's like she has to have something to argue about and someone to argue with, which is usually with me because I am the only one there. I do not know how her boyfriend can put up with her. I think I am going to live alone next year if things keep going the way they are going. Anyway, back to the apartment, our water was not working we had no telephone and a few things were wrong also but now that they are working I could care less about them. I am so tired, I haven't been awake this early in a long time. Well my twenty minutes are up and I hope this is what you wanted. I should of asked questions but I am too shy or maybe embarrassed to go up to one of you to ask. I think it's shyness more than embarrassment. Good-bye!! | high | low | low | high | high |
It took me forever to get into this program I had the address written all down wrong and now I am going to be late for practice Shannon is waiting for me and she is not going to be happy I can't believe I have a flat tire everyone was honking at me to tell me on MLK. oh well so I had to walk here and now I am running completely behind schedule I am gonna get Kevin to fix my tire tonight when he gets off work I hope he knows how to change a flat and where to take it because I have no idea he won't mind he is really a cool guy what am I gonna do until then I guess I’ll just walk back home to it is good exercise for me any way now I am so sidetracked I don’t know what to write my parents are coming Friday so now I have to clean for them and that I have absolutely no time for but I guess I'll have to find it gosh my typing is terrible and I keep hitting the wrong letters since I haven't typed all summer. this computer thing is not for me I am so computer illiterate but I am very open to learning if someone would teach me I don't want to go to work on Friday I really don’t like it there anymore I probably should quit then I would have no money whatsoever that it'll be nice maybe I will starve and lose some weight I really didn't me that I could never starve myself I love food too much my gosh Shannon is going to be pretty mad since I was suppose to be at practice ten minutes ago to teach her what we learned now she is just going to be waiting on me because I am gonna have to walk down there and it will take forever. my car hasn't had a flat in such a long time I wonder what I hit because I didn't see anything in the tire but what do I know. my mind is just going blank nothing can run through it cause I’m so tired. I want my shoes back from winstons house they have been there for a week now and they are my favorites but I can't remember exactly how to get there I would probably get lost I can't wait for this weekend the game will be so much fun and I won't be so nervous for it this time I wonder how many people will be there for UCLA how exciting I am so glad I talked to my friend Michael last night he sounds like he is having so much fun in California at occidental I can't wait to visit him he says his classes are pretty tough I would probably drop out! just picking it wouldn't hurt to get a good kick in the butt to get myself in gear. gosh twenty minutes seems like forever to put down all your thoughts I don't even remember what I have attempted to type so far I think my time is almost up though and then I can run to bellmont to help Shannon who has no clue where I am I was suppose to call my friend Whitney last night to see how rush went at her school and I didn't I am a little curious to see what she picked I cant believe she hasn't called to tell me because I am her best friend but I guess I can forgive and forget but hopefully she'll call me tonight last night I talked to rhiannon and she sounded so upset I hope things will get better for her I am so tired I am falling asleep good thing my time is just about up because I am exhausted naturally I cant go take a nap because I have practice I guess its all worth it in the end because I get to perform for a lot of people but sometimes it seems like a waist because no one bothers to tell the new girls what is going on and then we look like idiots I want so much to say something but so far I have kept my mouth shut and just had my own kind of fun I don’t know if they act this way on purpose or they just don't know exactly what they are doing I try my hardest and ever since I hurt my knee it has sucked tremendously I can't strut my usual stuff and I just want to scream because no one knows how much it hurts well it has been well over 20 minutes now so I am going to practice bye! | low | high | high | high | low |
ok, I guess I really don't know where to start. I just got out of my BA101 class, which was possibly the single most boring experience thus so far since classes began. I guess maybe I should have stayed longer, but there were so many freshman around me with their eyes so wide open, and trying to make friends with everyone around them, that I couldn't stand it for very much longer. this screen is really bothering me because it seems as though I’m writing all of this on one very long line, I'm wondering if there is some way I can go about fixing it after this is all over, because it is really annoying and it seems as though I'm not writing anything. I don't know what I'm going to do tonight, it's too late to call my boyfriend, he lives overseas, and there is a seven hour time change. I hope everything is going well with him, because he is going into his obligatory military service soon and he is really nervous about it. If only I was still in France that way I would know that everything was going well with him. this is a really huge box that I'm writing in because the wrap around just came into affect. very strange, very very strange. I guess I'm at a point where I don't exactly know what to write about because my mind is kind of going blank. My friend once told me that he never stops thinking, that at all times he is thinking about something, and when you are talking to him, that he may or may not be thinking about the subject that you are talking about with him. that worries me, because sometimes I see I’m smile for no apparent reason when we are talking, and I just know that the last thirty words that I have just said, he is paying absolutely no attention to. my friends are kind of strange in that they are all in their own little worlds, that's not saying that I'm not. But my little world seems a little bit more down to earth then the ones that my friends are living in. Maybe that's why I'm taking psych instead of sociology, it's because I’m trying to figure out who these people are and why I chose them as my friends. It could be an extension off this whole existential kick hat I've recently gotten into. My boyfriend is really into existentialism, and so the only thing I've been reading as of late has been Kundera and Sartre. But then of course I must be honest, I'm taking this course because it is located close to my other class on Tuesday Thursday, and it is at a convenient time relative to that class as well. Not to mention my friends who have taken soc, told me it was echelons more boring than this class was to take. I hope I get a good grade in this class, after this last semester, my grades are suffering, I literally dropped my GPA by . 4 over this last summer semester, which should indicate that I really didn't do very well. But I only have 35 hours, so if I do well this semester, I can bring my GPA back up over 3. 5 and maybe my parents will start being nice to me again. It's not like they aren't nice now, but they are "really disappointed how I handled last semester" that is "considering that we sent you to France last you, you could at least try a little harder" this would all be said in the James Earl Jones low god-like voice that I always get in my head whenever my Dad is yelling at me. I probably get that in my head, because my Dad yelling at me reminds me of Darth Vader when he's mad at the corporals, and James Earl Jones is the voice of Darth Vader, do you see the connection? Anyway, so I'm trying to make my grades appear somewhat better, because if I do, they will probably let me go on the intensive French study program I want to go to next summer. and then I can see my boyfriend he is so cute. I miss him a lot. I tend to think about him most when I'm either lonely or bored in class. That only either maker me more distracted from the work I should be doing, or even sadder about being all alone. If only he could be American, my life would be so much simpler. Have I been writing for twenty minutes yet, I swear I've been writing for decades, and my hands are starting to get lazy, and tired, and I really don't want all these people around me in the computer room, and I wish that I had had the time to take a shower this morning, because I think all day in the sun has really made me start to smell. I have to have been writing for over twenty minutes now, because the people at the workstations around me have already started leaving, granted they were here before I even started this little assignment, into the mind of the student at the University of Texas. I'm starting to think I'm going to end this pretty soon, because that is the only thing I can think of right now, is when am I going to end this assignment. I think this would probably be a good time because this is starting to redundant. But you said that it didn't matter what we said as long a s we did the assignment and wrote for twenty minutes. so here I am my twenty minutes complete, and I am saying good bye and thank god this is over. only one more to go. | low | high | low | low | low |
Well, here it goes. I don't know exactly what to write about because my mind is sort of blank to real thoughts as I've been studying all day. But I'll start with what is the most important thing to me right now--loneliness. What better thing to write about when you're listening to Bruce Springsteen. Anyway, it's not the clinical loneliness from which I suffer. It's more of a deprivation I guess. It's a deprivation of emotional intimacy. You see, I have quite a few male friends which is great because male bonding is always a must. But I'm the type of guy who always needs a deep relationship with a girl. It gives me a sort of basis in my life. Everything falls into place. I do better academically if I'm in love with a girl and I am more confident about everything I do. I am so much happier when I'm in love. Basically, when comes down to it, I love being in love. How do I know? Well, I've been there before. I fell deeply in love with a girl in my junior year of high school. Yeah, yeah, I know "you were too young to know what love was. " I really wasn't. There's a Van Halen song which says "How do I know when it's love? I can't tell ya' but it lasts forever. How does it feel when it's love? It's just something you feel together. ' Well, I completely relate to the togetherness part and lately I've come to realize that I can also relate to the foreverness part, too. There will always be a place in my heart for Shannon. But she isn't the point. She is what was. And life isn't what was, it's what's going to be. All I'm saying is that I know what love is and how to love. I want it back . But it's so hard up here at UT to find it, or so it seems. I should be able to find it because I'm pretty good-looking and I've really turned into a nice person. But every girl that catches my seems so unapproachable. But, there's another factor in this whole game. I'm already in love. I'm in love with someone who lives back in The Woodlands. I had a crush on this girl since my sophomore year and somehow we developed a friendship where both of us went through some peculiar twists. You see, we know we both liked each other and we both wanted to do something about it but we didn't. I didn't because I felt that if I told how I really felt, she wouldn't understand and run away from me(metaphorically). She didn't do it because I don't think she knew what she was feeling. She's never been there before so she's not familiar with the symptoms. It took me a while to figure mine out with Shannon, but when it happened, I knew the second it hit me. I think it's hit her but she doesn't know what to do. Well, my twenty minutes is up so I'm gonna' cruise. But I might actually get on here on do this out of pure enjoyment. You see, I always do this. I always sit down and throw up all this junk onto paper and then sift through the vomit afterwards. It helps when you're stressed. Anyway, thanks for listening, and if no one ever reads this I DO THINK BERT FROM SESAME STREET IS EVIL. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE, GET ON THE NET AND FIND THE BERT IS EVIL WEBSITE AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! | high | high | high | low | low |
Ok, I am really happy right now because after 2 weeks of BS, I've finally got my computer and Ethernet working so that I could do my psychology homework. Cool, huh. Well, my best friend from El Paso just called me and told me she's gonna get a tattoo, which I think is pretty dumb because she's gonna be stuck with it for the rest of her life. See, I would get a tattoo, like my zodiac sign or something, but I just always see myself all grown up and old and wrinkly with a tattoo and I think I would feel pretty dumb for getting it then. Like, right now I just have my ears pierced once in each ear and I’d like to get 2 more in my left ear and 1 more in my right ear but its still kinda like I’m gonna be to old for that kinda stuff in a few years, you know? What else can I bore you with? Oh, my mom sent me a package and I got it today, it was my dry cleaning and some pictures of my dog, Morton Taylor Moore, he's a basset hound. Taylor is a family name, its my granddad’s and my older brother's middle name. Hmmmmmm. . I'm like so happy that tomorrow is Friday, not like I’m stressed out or anything, its just a huge adjustment to go from partying all the time in the summer to only partying Friday and Saturday night, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't go out on school nights. I really don't have much self control or discipline, but I’m working on it. I was so happy last night, I was in my next door neighbors room and everybody was checking their email and I was just like no, no one has emailed me, but I tried anyway and low and behold, one of my best friends from El Paso had emailed me, I was so surprised. See, he was suppose to move to Tullorosa, NM but it fell through when he got there so he came back, but he's moving to Belize in a day or two but he told me he was going to be back in El Paso for thanksgiving except he didn't have a place to stay, and I really hope my mom doesn't mind, but I offered to let him stay in our extra bedroom. Oh, then I did one of the stupidest things I’ve done in a while, I told him that I’ve had the biggest crush on him since the day I met him, GOD I'M DUMB!!! oh well, its over and done with now, can't change the past, huh. It'd be cool if you could change the past though cause god knows I’ve done a whole lot of dumb things in my life. ok, sorry, my twenty minutes were up 2 minutes ago so have a nice day. Bye | low | low | high | high | high |
I am feeling a little hungry right now. What should I do? Go to Jester, go out to eat, make something here in the dorm. Maybe I should just go to the Union. Lets see, I will change clothes and go shower or something. I'll get my comb and toothbrush and go to the restroom. What do I wear to go out tonight? I think I will wear my white Polo shirt and my black shorts. No I'll wear my khaki shorts and my white tennis shoes. I can't stay out to long since I have so much homework to do. The entire English rough draft to do, my pre-calculus, and all my psychology reading to do. Man, I feel sleepy, guess I should have gone to bed early last night instead of watching Letterman and Leno. Maybe I'll just come back and sleep after my biology class tomorrow. I wonder what is on T. V. right now. It's mostly just the news. Good! Entertainment Tonight is on now. Hope it's a good show. Let me start washing up and changing my clothes for supper. I don't think it will rain again so I guess I don't need my umbrella tonight. I wonder how much I will have to do tomorrow. I still need to go draw my tickets for the Longhorn game on Saturday. I hope the seats are better than last time. | low | high | low | high | low |
This computer lab is scary. I think that at any moment I will mess everything up. This is so weird, writing homework out on a Saturday night. What else can I say? I'm seriously scared that college is not going to turn out how I want it to. Oh well. I'm so tired. There are two girls next to me that are talking just way to loud and it is hard to concentrate on typing. I wish that they would be quiet. Oh Well! Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to type. Man, I wish those girls would talk a little bit more quietly, it is starting to get on my nerves. Some people can be seriously rude. Last night I met the most interesting people. I went to a party at my sister's house and it was okay. At the end of the party there were these guys that live next door to her that got into a fight and called the police on each other. When they got there, the police asked us if we knew anything about a gun. I really don't know what went down with those guys and I really don't care. Those girls are really loud and they are majorly getting on my nerves. Now two other girls on the other side of me are talking really loud about some guy they e-mailed an embarrassing message to. I don't understand why people talk so loud do they think that everyone else cares what they are talking about? I am really getting pissed now!!!! Why are these people talking so loud in the computer lab? I'm getting cold. I wish that the people next to me would shut up. Yeah they did now for a few seconds I can concentrate. I have to clean my dorm room tomorrow. So much fun!!!! I'm thinking about joining a Christian sorority. Hopefully it will be lots of fun. I'm supposed to go to a meeting about it with my friend Leona. Man, I have to remember to find an article for my E306 class for my first writing assignment. I have no idea what I am going to write about. Maybe tomorrow I will find an interesting article in the newspaper. Just five more minutes to go. There they go again, talking so loud, it is seriously distracting and annoying. Don't those girls know that you're supposed to be quiet in the library. I wonder what I'm going to do later on tonight? I think I'm going to watch a movie or talk to my parents on the phone. College is so scary. I'm homesick a lot, but I've been getting better each day that I've been here. I really love Austin but I'm just ready to go home also. I miss my friends Laura, Mike, Bruce and Jimmy. I need to remember to go get my film developed so I can see them. I had so much fun the night before I left to go to college. I'm really looking forward to Monday since there won't be any classes. Well, I think I'm ready to go to sleep. I need to remember to call my mom and ask her to send me some stamps. This is getting boring. I wonder what Mike and Laura are doing tonight. I wonder if they're kicking back without me in San Benito. I miss my best friend Laura, because we always could talk about things without saying much of anything. Well, I'm tired of typing and it has been 20 minutes so I'm going to stop. | high | low | high | high | low |
class lasted all day today. on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have class from 8-5, 8 is to early 5 is to late. I like earlier classes its easy to concentrate in the mornings. I worked out today I think I hurt my elbow there is alot of pain in the joint. I have been lifting weights for a long time maybe that has something to do with it. lost 7 pounds today, I now way 310 lbs. my mother thinks I grew another inch I don’t know maybe. this typing is really bothering my elbow, damm thing really hurts. I think I am going to take some aspirin. I've got a biology test in two weeks, lots of studying to do. first test should not be so bad just a review of chemistry. the class moves pretty fast but the professor is pretty good. the seats in that class are way to close together. I am about 6-5 maybe a little more and my knees push right up against the backs of the chairs. it makes it hard to concentrate after about 20 min. all my other classes the chairs are pretty comfortable. I hope we beat UCLA on sat. I hope the d defense can hold Jimmy Hicks under 200 yards. James Brown might not play, but Watson is a good back up. Ricky will have a great day and will kick ass. | low | high | low | low | low |
I'm very tired and don't want to take a shower I'll never be able to go to sleep I wonder what mom and dad are doing supposed to call but roommate is on the phone I can't wait until this weekend to see Eric hope everything goes well and works out I really like him Anthony has always been there but I am changing and not happy anymore doesn't seem right not like it used to be I know he will always be special but I'm not sure I'm happy with him anymore I hope Robin doesn't get lost waiting for me after class she probably will because she gets nervous being by herself I have so many math problems to work out and I don't even want to think about them. I cannot forget to bring my notes from last year from home, they will probably help me a great deal I can understand my notes a lot better My feet are so cold I have to put socks on before I go to bed I wonder how Adrean is doing my roommate took her some pizza that's really nice I would be mad too, I hope everything works out she's very upset talking to her mom. Nothing is on TV it's hard to believe it's so late already time flies so fast there's not enough time to get everything done shouldn't have stayed so long at the RSC it was nice though and I had a good time glad I went wonder if Anthony will call back so hard to let go of someone who seems like such a part of you I don't know if it's the right thing but if I wait too long I could miss my opportunity with Eric being friends is too hard because of everything we've been through old feelings are still there and get in the way of being friends I feel bad to do that to him sort of unexpectedly but I can't pretend to be happy with him anymore wonder what will happen we always seem to get back together eventually but this time seems different I can't forget to get my dirty clothes and the clothes I need to wear this weekend at home it is such a pain taking things back and forth Wonder if Anthony will call Eric is working and won't get off until late have to get up so early and have to have everything together I still have so much to do but I'm too tired maybe I'll do it in the morning but then I can sleep later if I do it now I'll just do it before I go to sleep. | low | high | high | high | low |
I am sitting here in front of the computer trying to write a constant flow of my thoughts its about 1:30 in the morning the day of the first UT football game that was successfully won by the Horns my roommate is sleeping right now it seem that he sleeps almost 14 hours a day it makes me mad that for some reason that it seems to me that he wastes time so much. All he does every day is go to class, which I guess I should give him credit for that, and when class is over all he does is sit in front of the computer and download things or he lays in bed and watches TV or movies all day he is not that social either he isn't part of a fraternity or any other group or doesn't play any intramurals. He doesn't study whatsoever I guess I am just worried about him because I care about him I mean we've been friends since the sixth grade. It seems kind of weird when we were in junior high he was the sociable type and I was the reclusive type and about since the 10th grade the situation has taken a 180 degree turn I hope they televise the 49er game that they are playing against the Rams and even though most everyone especially my roommate thinks that the 49er don't have a prayer I believe that this opportunity will be a coming out party for JJ Stokes and the emergence of Jim Drunkenmiller the last rookie quarterback to start for the Niners was Joe Montana hopefully a good sign I am also kind of disappointed that I am not able to join the professional business fraternities because they hold most of there meetings when I have my CH301 extension course from 6 to7:30 PM but hey looking at the positive side I have something extra to look forward to next year it sure is great to be alive I feel like I am on top of the world everything is working like clockwork I feel like watching Disney movies well it's about 2 o'clock so I guess that I should go to sleep to rest for the world that lays upon me tomorrow and remember to smile after all physical motion controls the mental emotion ( - : | low | high | high | low | low |
I am writing in the Flawn Library. This is my first time using the computers here at the University. I was a little afraid because I did not have my e-mail address yet. But now I do and I am feeling a little better. I still do not know how to e-mail someone yet, but hopefully I will learn. The only people I would e-mail to would be my dad or some assignment I have to do for RTF 305. I am not very good with computers. That is one of my weaknesses. I feel a little out of place here in the computer room because I feel that I am the only person that does not know how to use computers. I guess I will keep asking questions until I finally figure it out. I wish I learned how to use computers earlier in my life, then maybe I would not be at such a disadvantage. Computers could come in real handy. Like for this writing assignment, for instance. In RTF 305, we have to go to the web page and ask questions in a discussion between fellow students. That sounds like a good idea. I am feeling tired today. I got enough sleep last night. I do know what my problem is. It was hard staying awake in class today. Hopefully tomorrow will be different. Before I came to the library, I was supposed to go to a SI for RTF. The only problem was that I went to the CMA building instead of the CBA building. That upset me because I was really looking forward to going. There is one tomorrow, but I have Psy during that time. However, I will be going to the Psy SI today from 4-5 p. m. This time, I know where the building is. I think these SI classes are good ideas because it is a follow up to the lecture that students receive in class. So, if I missed something, I could go to the SI and re-learn what I did not understand. Now, there is no excuses for not understanding material. I did an assignment like this one in my typing class last year. It was the same exact prompt: let your mind flow freely onto the screen. That assignment was only for five minutes though. Right now in the library, there is a long line for the computers. I hate waiting in lines. Today I waited in line to draw football tickets to the UT vs. Rutgers game on Saturday. I hope UT wins the football game. I am a big fan of football. In high school I was in band. That means that I got a free ticket to go to every football game. However, our football team was not that good. I think that Psychology will be an interesting class. I like learning about people and the things they do. I am looking forward to an interesting semester. I hope that the class is not too hard. Some questions that come to my mind right now is why do students have to do this writing assignment? What kind of research is this? What will this writing assignment tell about students? I will also be doing the experiments instead of the research paper. | high | high | high | low | high |
I absolutely hate Mondays they make everything seem to last forever, except for the weekend. minutes seem longer, hours seem longer, the entire day drags without any hope for it to end. But in actuality, if Mondays were obliterated from the week, Tuesdays would simply inherit the mundane tasks of being the first day of the week and the thief of the weekend. weekends are not exactly the most practical approach to leisure activity. the "fun" things in life we wait to do until the weekend and try to cram everything into the two days that can not possibly be accomplished only to start out the new week on a Monday nonetheless with drained energy, hangovers, for some, and incredibly lethargic. a better approach would be to evenly space the week out with "leisure days" in between week days. also by random people taking off different leisure days, the maximum enjoyment could be appreciated due to less crowding, fewer lines, less traffic, etc. traffic is far too overrated. the idea of everyone trying to get one place at one time is beyond me . if every one had their own schedules, for instance of everyone could decide for themselves, when their necessary lunch time was instead of the standard 12:00, the roads and restaurants at that time would probably be less crowded, therefore, traffic would decrease. if traffic were lessened everyone would probably be less cranky and agitated. cranky people are just entirely too obnoxious and loud. simply because of their crankiness is everyone else cranky. its like a yawn once someone else begins to complain about things, you find yourself griping about little nit picky things over which you have no control perky people are the same way only usually they are responsible for the cranky people being cranky. I guess it all goes to say that there is such a thing as too much of anything. you can be too cranky and you can be too perky | high | high | high | high | low |
well, here I am in my computer lab in kinsolving. I just finished emailing my boyfriend. I really hate writing him sometimes because he never responds as much as I do. then again he is in Houston and still in high school and probably doesn't have as much to say as I do. oh well that's life. god why the hell did I wait until the last minute to write this. I should have done this last week. well, then again I did. but the stupid computer didn't send it. so now I have to retype all that crap again. life sucks! well, it is not that bad, but to me it is. I really wanted to go home this weekend. my cousins re so stupid for not going. what the hell!! now I have to depend on someone else or I have go to their house this weekend. the last thing I want to do I spend a night there with that stupid sima. damn does that girl have a mouth or what. I can't believe that she made all that stuff up about mayur and me. I hope paras doesn't get mad about me emailing about that. god, he believes everything that I tell him. I know that he is wooped in a way. just because he doesn't drive around everywhere for me doesn't mean that he loves me any less. or just because I drive to his house a lot, doesn't mean that I control the relationship. well actually I know that it probably would not have lasted this 9 months if had not driven up there 28 times. do you know how many miles that is? take 28 times 60 miles each trip. that is a lot of mileage that I put on all the cars. I hope he appreciates everything I do for him. actually, I know that he does. he is the most perfect person in the world. he has never caused any grief in my life. if anything has gone wrong it is because of his stupid parents. why the hell won't they give him a break? I mean, what the hell is wrong with them? that boy deserves a car more than any other child. I hope to god that comes to UT next year. that would be the bomb!!! we would be like living together. but I hope we don't break up like all the other couples that come here and do. they have it made, don't they realize that!! I guess being around a person all the time can be a little too much. but that's the thing, I don't think that I could ever get tired of seeing paras. I haven't gotten tired after this long what would change my mind now. oh well, we’ll see when the time comes. I hope we're still together then. I really don't know what would give either of us a reason to break up. I mean he adores the ground I walk on and I love him for that. just joking. I adore him just as much if not more. I mean, that's why my room is like a shrine to him. anyway, my time is almost up and I have to go get ready for neesh's b-day party thing. what the hell do I wear? I guess I’ll decide in a minute. | high | low | high | high | low |
okay I’m writing this stream of consciousness things and it's 11:57 and god my roommate is sick as hell she's got this nasty head cold and I hope my typing isn't keeping her up god I wish people wouldn't pound their feet when they go up and down the stairs I wonder if my computer was a bad idea when I decided to place it right by the window oh god I think I am bothering my roommate she just sat up but now she's laying back down again I wonder if I’ll get cold tonight with the fan on cause a cold fronts coming through I feel a little drainage in my throat I hope I’m not catching my roommates cold oh god I hope tomorrow wont be boring or mundane god it's only 12:00 I never realized how hard it is to write for 20 minutes this mouse pointer is annoying me I want to move it but I don’t want to stop writing thud somebody's making thud noises outside god that fan is loud oh I can't stop writing because if I did it would be unethical or shit my roommate just made a very weird snorting sound it must suck to have a nasty head cold your first week of school I’m looking at my water bottle wishing we had an ozarka bottle in our dorm I was mildly planning on drawing up a petition with the other girls in order to get one I was also toying with the idea of creating a petition to get better food in the cafeteria or whatever god I can't wait to use the sorority koozie I got on bid day for some reason I don't like flashing around and advertising the fact that I’m in a sorority, not that I’m not proud of my sorority it's just that it seems such a confining statement to be making to the rest of the world who reads my T-shirt I mean I’m no longer Lindsey (blank) but I am sorority girl and so many connotations accompany such a title so I’d rather start a point 0 with people instead of increasing their preconceived notions of my personality because of my tee shirt god it's only 12:07 boy I’ve never written so much bullshit in my life there goes my roomie again with her congested self I wonder if I’ll be able to swing this college life I mean I want to do well so well so I can prove it to my mom that I can do it yet I want to party a lot I know that sounds real deep and profound anyway my back is starting to ache because I still haven’t attached the back part to my computer chair b/c this task requires me to use some tool that I don't have in my possession at the moment so my computer chair kind of acts a rolling piano stool type dealie, speaking of computers I put this damn computer desk together with my own bare hands and boy am I proud it arrived in 4 foot 3 inch thick box of plywood and screws and it now stands a proud computer desk with a cd holding section, god my eyes are starting to get tired but I really have no reason to go to bed b/c I have no classes before 12 and I’m not a morning person and I already have a hard enough time filling my days with things to do and I don't want to be too tired to party because I’ve risen before 10:00 am. so I have many incentives to not go to bed and I feel like shit if I get more than 8 hours of sleep I’m one of those always got to be busy people so I can't stand not having something to occupy my time even if it is sleeping late in the morning yet I feel like a slug if I sleep to late actually I feel guilty as if I’m wasting my life and not prioritizing my time correctly god my left eye is tired and my nose keeps itching, I’m so proud of myself that I am completing this assignment ahead of schedule at least it appears that I’m off to a good start see I just can't fathom how some girls I know are already missing class, I mean what the hell else do you have to do here but occasionally study, party, and sleep so my belief is you might as well go to class since your paying for it and it makes a tremendous difference in your grade, but I shouldn't necessarily jump on a soap box because I never know how long I will remain this disciplined. kick ass it's 12:18 and I’m signing off! | high | high | high | low | high |
I am sitting here in the computer lab of my dorm at SRD, even though I have a computer in my room. I have been too lazy to go buy a network card in order to get the internet on my computer. I have absolutely no idea how to use the internet. In fact, some girl at my dorm had to show me how to get onto this website. Hopefully, I will be able to learn how to use it pretty soon, especially for this class. I don't think I'm going to do very well in this class because I don't know anything about psychology. If my study habits don't improve, then I might not do very well in any of my classes. My math class is kicking my butt!!!! I have tried so hard to do my homework, but I don't know how to do a lot of it. I have a test on Friday and I know I'm not going to do very well at all. I need to do good on this test since it is the first one in the class. I don't know what to expect on college tests because I never really had to study in high school. I just got off the phone with my best friend from home; she is a year younger than me. I miss her so much. She is the one person that I can talk to for hours about nothing. I was supposed to go home in two weeks to see her, I can't. She was upset when I told her. I promised her that I would be home to see her in three weeks though. My sorority is Delta Gamma, and it is so much fun. I have so much going on in the next two weeks with my sorority, which is why I can't go home to see my best friend. All the girls are so sweet and I know I'm going to like it a lot. I am very excited about being in Austin because in Mt. Pleasant, there is nothing to do ever. We get excited about going to a nice restaurant to eat. My home town is pretty small; it only has about 13,000 people. Everybody in the whole town knows whenever something happens. The high school football games are the entertainment for Friday nights. I guess there are some good points about living in Mt. Pleasant though. I have some of the best friends I've ever had from my home town. Also, I get excited about little things that girls from big cities don't get excited about. My classes have more people in them than all of my graduating class. I am amazed that there are so many people at this college! I didn't really get lost on the first day, mainly because I looked at my map for two days. I am about to go work out because I don't want to gain the freshman fifteen like everyone says I will. I don't have room on my body to gain any more weight!!!! I don't really watch what I eat though. I do some exercises and I walk a million miles to class everyday. How do people gain weight here whenever classes are a million miles apart? I am so tired because it is late at night, but I wanted to get one assignment over with early. My twenty minutes is almost up. I have so much to do tomorrow; I have class from 11 to 5. I am dreading it. Then I have a meeting at 6:00 and I have to study for math. I am going to sixth street tomorrow night if I get through studying in time. Well, my time is finally up and I am so proud of myself for getting this done on time because I usually procrastinate. | low | high | low | high | low |
I just got done watching "First Time Felon" staring Omar Epps. I was very moving. I'm cooking stew right now on the stove. I learned how to cook it from my father. He taught me how this summer. Earlier today, I did this writing assignment and after completing it, I pressed clear instead of submit. That sure got me upset. Anyway, I went to class today and the lecture was funny. The phone is ringing right now. The phone is still ringing. There, someone finally picked up the phone. I have a lot of homework do to which are due this week and next week. And in two weeks I'll start having my first set of tests. They all fall on me at once. When I think about it, I don't want to study. But thinking back on last year, studying late nights wasn't really too bad. I kind of enjoy it. It was cool to walk across campus at three in the morning and see the stars out. I remember seeing the comet when it passed by last year. That was a really nice view. I wonder how the stew is doing. Hopefully it will taste as good as my father's. I see the letter that my friend sent me form the county jail. I really miss him. He was like a brother to me. We always looked out for each other. I'm really good friends with his brother too. He is a good church-going person. Faithfully believes in God. Well, I haven't talked to either of them for some time now. Maybe I'll give him a call tomorrow if I have time. My girlfriend paged me, but didn't leave a number down. It was just a message. I really miss her. She is back in Houston. Her birthday is coming up on the 26th and she wants to come up to visit for the weekend. The problem is that I have a test on that day, and some other tests that following week. I wish I could take the tests some other time. Oh, well. That's life for you. My brother landed an internship with IBM, but hasn't started work yet. I wonder when he will start. His future looks bright for him. I can hear the T. V. downstairs. Some cartoon show is playing right now. My roommates are downstairs watching it. I can see my keys from where I'm sitting. They are attached to the Pekkle key chain my girlfriend gave me. Actually I have two key chains. The other one is of Jesus. A total stranger gave it to me one day and I've never seen him since. I like to think that it was Jesus himself, giving me strength when I needed it the most last year. I was feeling down and out last year. I was sitting by myself in a coffee shop and in comes this man. He walks up to me and gives me the key chain. He tells me that Jesus will never turn his back on me. So every time I look at the key chain, I think of Him and it gives me strength. School is finally underway now. I hope that I do good this year. Anyway, the 20 mins are up. Hopefully I'm doing this right. I know that this isn't even for a grade, but I just worry a lot. Speaking about worrying, I'm worried that my phone bill isn't too high because I've been calling back to Houston everyday. | high | low | low | low | high |
today I called up some of my friends from Harlingen (where I’m from) and we all went out to the drag. it was sooooo nice to be able to kill time, since it has been going by so slowly. I am so tired from walking all day. at least I found my exploring psychology book at bevos. I want to get fake nails put on tomorrow. my mom said that I could buy whatever I wanted, but I feel bad spending the money. oh well, at least I’m not doing anything illegal. I am so excited about rushing for that Christian sorority. I really want to make some lifelong friends here. not just some people who only care about themselves and what they're going to wear tomorrow. I wonder if it's true that a huge majority of psychology majors become shoe salesmen. great. I’m here getting homesick for nothing. I’m surprised that there are so many people talking outloud here at this computer lab. I thought I would be the loudest one here by simply opening my backpack. I wonder if it matters that I’m not using capital letters when I type. I’m sure it will be fine. I am so thirsty. since I've been here I have already finished off 18 bottles of water. at least it's helping to keep my skin clear (knock on wood). psychology is so interesting. I wonder what my stream of consciousness says about me. who knows, I’m probably sending off signals meaning that I’m going to be a psychotic weirdo when I get older. I like my necklace, but I feel like I am wearing a dog collar. it looks so tight on me; I have a huge neck to begin with. they say that the first sign of aging on a woman is when her neck wrinkles. well my neck has quite a few. I really like this computer. my keyboard is so annoying. this one has keys that write so smoothly. I hope I've been studying enough. I really need to get over the idea that college is extremely hard and requires absurd amounts of studying. I’m doing just fine! I’m really surprised that I have so much to say. I thought I would be sitting here trying to impress whoever's going to read this by using really big words and coming up with impressive thoughts. I guess I was really wrong. I forgot my glasses in my dorm. I hope I’m not damaging my eyes by not wearing them. these girls sitting beside me are really getting loud. it's really getting annoying. all of a sudden they quieted down. I guess I’m sending off bad signals to them. I really feel like brushing my teeth. for some reason I've been brushing them an average of five times a day. it's probably some type of stress release or something. I wonder how my friend Jody is doing back home. she just left to Harlingen this morning. I wish I could have gone home with her but I really need to duke it out here. I can do it!! what am I going to do tonight? probably study or something. I hope my roommate decides to stay in our room for once. I guess I like my space though. my mind just went blank right now and I don’t have anything to say. I really admire the older people who come to college. I wish my mom would. she deserves it. I hope I am that devoted to my child. I don’t see how someone could give up so much for someone. I know I would do it for her, but just the fact that she has done so much for me already is amazing. I wonder if animals go to heaven when they die. I really think they do. it wouldn’t be fair to me if they didn’t. I wonder how Danny is doing back home. I hope he is having a fun time. I’m so lucky to be here. I wish I could give back to someone else. maybe that volunteer organization will call me and ask if I want to help out. I definitely would jump at the chance. I need to go to the rec center and pick up an aerobics membership. I hope I’m not gaining weight here, but I guess I will find out when Jody brings my scale back up with her. I better not be gaining weight, because I spent an enormous amount of money on a personal trainer. what a waste! I hate it when people ask me what type of music I listen to. I really don’t know what to say because I don’t listen to very much music. I’m so glad I’m getting this assignment over with now so that I don’t have to rush to do it at the last minute. I need to go back to Mezes to sign up for some of those experiments. I hope there are some slots I can fill up. I’ll bet that so many people are going to end up writing a research paper just because they'll put of going to sign up for the experiments or because they don’t show up to participate. what a waste! maybe I shouldn't talk, because I can just see that happening to me now. I wish I was good at math. that would be the ultimate! I've been typing for twenty minutes now, so I think I’ll sign off. I’m surprisingly sleepy! you all probably wont read this until a few months from now, but I just want to say thanks for such a wonderfully convenient assignment :) I hope I’m not too weird :)))) | low | high | high | high | high |
Well, here goes. I'm in my room right now and it's very warm. My housing is not air conditioned. I'm not used to doing homework like this so you'll have to bear with me. I tried to do this assignment about a week ago. after some fifteen minutes I was kicked off. I was beyond pissed. My ankle is itching. Yesterday we went to mar's and we waited outside and I sat in the grass. For some reason that makes my leg itch. I wind is blowing in my room and it feels good. I am very tired and want to go back to sleep. I took an hour nap awhile ago. Matt came down. I hear people talking in the alley. One of them is a guy. I wish Matt could stay here with me in Austin. I miss him so much. I'm so pathetic. The tissue on my computer is waving like a flag, so are the papers on my bulletin board. I need to call my tutors one day. I need one in math more than anything else. I'm not stupid or anything, I just need assistance on the problems sometimes. Doug say's that I don't have a life. That I has no personality. That made my confidence soar. I know I didn't have a life, but I really couldn't help it. My parents are super, super strict and I wasn't allowed to do normal teenager stuff. Even now that I can I’m restricted to because of my boyfriend Matt. He cam down tonight. I love him so much. He should be calling in about an hour to say that he got home safe and sound. He's mad at Doug because Doug wouldn't leave us alone today. I was kind of mad too. Doug doesn't like the thought of me and Matt spending time together. He's weird like that. Matt should be nicer to his parents. They both have the mind set on he acts like a butt so I will too. Matt is very stubborn but his parents are not very nice. At least I had a close family. Matt doesn't even think that his parents love him. I know they do but he doesn't think that they do. He still sees himself and their mistake. I don't know what to tell him to believe otherwise. I'm going back home on October 4th. Matt's birthday is on that weekend. Saturday will be a lot of fun. After that I’ll be going to the renaissance festival with Matt and Doug. We're going to camp down there. It'll be a lot of fun. Doug can be a lot of fun if he's not in his pouty mood. Maybe he'll find himself a girlfriend by then. Then he'll be happy. I think. He didn't seem to mind our relationship when he was dating. he was too into Amanda. I didn't like her and knew she was going to hurt him but as usual no one listened to me. I like my room it's nice. I live at the women's co-ops. They are cool. All the girls in the house have made me feel completely welcome. I've been typing for about ten minutes. I think that's pretty good. If y’all read this y’all will have a lot to read. I'm trying to type slow so this won't get too long. I'm typing about half of my normal typing speed. Doug liked Elyssa. He'd like to have her legs wrapped around him. He is very crass. Then again Matt can be that way too. He is rarely rude to me though. I'm am usually respected and taken care of by my guys. I'm used to being protected. It's weird being down here knowing that I can actually be hurt. That is scary. My guys live two and a half hours away. We won the football game today. The tower is lit up. I love UT. I love the freedom I acquired when I came down here. It's not that I’m partying and getting drunk and toasted all the time. I just like that fact that I can if I want too. I don't have to beg to be let out of the house or anything. I've even been studying more down here than I did at home. I've kept up with all of my classes so far. I'll be doing some of my homework tomorrow. I read the assigned readings in between classes. The written assignments that actually take time get done at home. I have a quiz in math Monday. My foot hurts. It's been reclining against the chair too long. My hand hurts too. It’s resting on the edge of my desk. I am getting all sticky and sweaty doing this paper. My legs are sweaty against the seat. The back of my neck and my arms are also sweaty. Matt left his bobo feit action figure with me. He's the bounty hunter from star wars. I'm very surprised because he's very important to Matt. I am honored that he did. It's on my desk right next to my pewter angel/moon and stars figurine. I got that with Matt in Florida. We went to Disney with the school marching band during spring break. The figurine cost me seventy bucks. It was definitely worth it. I've been typing for a little over twenty minutes. Bye. | high | high | high | low | low |
I want to start with a simple color. Let's say blue. When I think of blue I think of the ocean and where I live. I live in Brownsville Texas. It's "on the border by the sea" That's like the Brownsville saying. I also think of baby blankets, actually my baby blanket. This leads me to thinking about a George Strait song entitled "Baby Blue". It's a song about his daughter that passed away in a car accident. He's describing her eyes and what he thinks about every day. That has to be hard to deal with. A death in the family is such a detrimental thing to cope with. Fortunately my family has never had an immediate family member pass away. The closest I've been to a loved one that has died, was my great-grandmother. I've also had my girlfriend lose her great-grandmother and her grandmother right after each other. I went to those funerals. I really don't like them very much, It's extremely sad for all the loved ones mourning the death. I guess this leads me to thinking about the color black. It's weird that people usually associate things or ideas to color. I guess it's because we're such a vivid creature. Our vision capabilities are quite advanced when compared to those of other animals. We, humans, are able to see most of the spectrum, all we cant see is the ultra-violet end and the, oh I forgot, I think it's the infer red side as well. We might excel in vision, but are still very primitive in the sense of smell. When we compare our smelling to that of canines, all I can say is that they are able to smell around 100-1000 times better than us. Back to black. Jet Black is favorite color, or at least it used to be. I really enjoy viewing the colors of nature. I have found myself buying shirts the colors of nature. Like a dirt/green or pale/orange, light/yellow or sky/blue, the color of soil. I love the smell of the earth after it rains, it smells so pure, rich, I guess I associate that smell to nature. Imagine what a dog smells after it rains. Now that's something I wish I could take a whiff of. That's around 25 min. of writing. I want to say that this has been a great experience for me. It calmed me down from this hurried morning. I feel more at ease with myself, but I can't explain why. Well, I hope you've enjoyed this little talk with me. I know I'm not supposed to use "you" when writing a paper, but the instructions say that it's alright to fib a little in my grammar. Sorry for any misunderstandings. "Good-bye and Good-luck. " | high | high | high | high | low |
In this present moment I feel slightly irritated due to the fact that earlier today I was not able to surf the internet on America Online. The problem of surfing the internet could have been easily solved by going to a computer lab in my dormitory(Jester) and logging on to the internet from there. However. my focus was to locate some friends on the internet. This feature is exclusive to America Online and not possible to achieve in the Jester Computer lab. Ultimately I gave up and now I am in the process of typing this 'stream of consciousness'. Another issue on my mind. even though it may sound trivial is table tennis. Earlier in the day my friends and I were unable to get an open table which irritated me. Truthfully, I will admit that I am fairly easily irritated. I think that a large blame on this problem rests on my tendency to be a perfectionist. When things do not get done, or do not get done the way that I want. I get really irritated. On a good note, one good aspect about myself is that I realize my shortcomings. I am trying my best to overcome these bad tendencies that I have. In my opinion, college means to me a clean slate in which I can start over. I am trying my best to get off and remain on the right foot. One of my foremost goals is to meet new colleagues and friends. Friendship is very important to me. Without friends. the road of life would be lonely indeed. Whether these friends are so called 'e-friends' that I keep in touch with over the internet, or friends I know in person. they are equally important. While I am on the 'e-friend' topic. I feel compelled to mention an incident that happened to me on the internet. I met a nice female an America Online. Considering that America Online is the largest internet provider in the world. I was very surprised that this person happened to live in close proximity of me. We set up a rendezvous at a coffee house in which we met in person. We had a good time. This just shows how the world is smaller than it seems. In addition. I also keep in touch with e-friends in such places and Germany and Singapore. It is very interesting to converse with them. As you can probably tell. I am very much a technophile. I love anything electronic and I especially love computers. But of most importance to me as I mentioned already are friends. I guess I could say the prevalent topic in this 'stream of consciousness' is friendship. To tell the truth. if any of my e-friends were severed from my acquaintance, be it by losing touch or just plain not talking to me any more, I would be extremely upset. However. I know it cant last forever. Sometimes it seems that nothing will last forever. I guess sometimes we just have to move on. | low | low | low | low | high |
Okay here I am after I've been spending tons of time trying to get a book I need. I'm not worried about it anymore. I will focus on my other homework. I need to go to the lounge and get organized before lunch. Maybe I won't eat lunch. Tonight I have a party to go to and I am excited. I need to tell my friend what time we will leave. Where will I park? Maybe we should walk, but it will be late when we come home and very unsafe. The radio is on and I'm listening to country music. It's so great and calming. comforting--reminds me of home. I am going home tomorrow. I can't wait to see my two dogs and possibly go swimming in the pool. I will also help my mom get the new restaurant organized. Sleep is a priority as well. Oh, and I'll see my friends and be able to talk locally on the phone for a change. Wow, I forgot about the chance that I will get a home cooked meal. I need to get some more clothes from home and do my huge load of laundry. I'll come home Monday evening. I need to wash my car while I'm there. I hope my roommate is occupied enough while I'm gone. She can come home with me another time. I hear people in the hall all the time. It's amazing how many are up as early as I for an 8 am class. No one talks, it's like a march to a funeral or something. without the tears and gloom, just the silence. My eyes burn because I'm so tired. I took an hour nap yesterday, but I don't have time today. I can't get my Ethernet hooked up right and it really makes me mad--I'm VERY frustrated. very chapped! I am getting uneasy now; sitting here typing this is making me realize all of the things I need to do. I know though that I can get it done, just one thing at a time. Plus, I am doing one of those things right now. I wonder how many people here are close enough to home to go visit. I'm an hour away, not bad. I hear this song "looking for love in all the wrong places" and it reminds me of Eddie Murphy on the old Saturday Night Live. He did Buckwheat impersonations. I have an ache in my neck either from lack of sleep or carrying heavy books. I hope this doesn't sound like a letter. I am beginning every sentence with "I" but that's okay because I am supposed to notice how "my" thoughts flow. I wonder who ever got this computer stuff--internet, websites, etc. --started in the very, very beginning. Hmm, well, it doesn't matter that much to me. I just wish I could get my Ethernet hooked up. I like America Online, but it's tying up my phone line. That is also making my anxious right now. I guess the faster you type the longer the paper. I wonder what the other students doing this have to say. I wonder who will take their classes seriously and not. I hope I get some mail soon. I check it everyday and it's sort of depressing. I know people are writing/sending mail, but it just isn't here yet. That's my optimistic side. I hate the cold floor under my desk. I'm in jester, but I have carpet that I brought to go between the beds. I'm thinking of my friend in Alaska that will come at Christmas time. Will we have time for me to show the good stuff about Texas? My throat tightens to think of it. I stress easily. I feel a pressure to make his time here the best and to make him leave here thinking that Texas is the coolest place to be. It won't be as pretty in December though. Great, I have about 5 more minutes. My hands are slipping off this tiny space. I have no room on my desk. I want to get a huge piece of plywood and cover it with contact paper and make a huge desk--like the people down the hall. It would be so ideal. I am getting really anxious to go to the study lounge. I feel like I'll lose the urge to do my math homework if I sit here any longer. Oh, I can't wait until the party. Matchbox 20 ( my favorite group) is going to be there!!!!! I need to remember to take my camera. I also need to iron my shorts and pick out a shirt to wear. All of this by 4 PM--I believe that's when we'll go to the sorority house and hang out a bit, then get our wristbands and head over the block party. Well, my leg is falling asleep and my eyes are really getting tired now. I wish I could go to sleep. I hate it when I can't focus because I'm so tired. I value sleep more than money it seems. If that makes any sense. I am ready to go now, I feel the pressure of having too many things to do. I will take care of my math homework first. Then biology and art history. Psychology is halfway done now, but I need to get the book. no one has it. That is also causing a little aggravation. I hate to not be fully prepared for everything. Okay, my 20 minutes are up, I feel better having done this. | high | high | high | high | high |
Labor day weekend was awesome! I love my boyfriend so much. We were so lazy and it didn't even matter what I did with him, because just being with him was enough. We just watched movies and ate. He sent me flowers on Bid day for the sorority Pi Beta Phi. I love that he knows everything about me. He knows when I am sad, happy, etc. I really miss him right know. I hope that he can come on Sunday so that he can se my dorm room and meet my pledge sisters. I can't wait to see what he does for my birthday. I can't believe that I am going to be nineteen years old. It doesn't feel like I should be that old. It just seems like yesterday that I turned sixteen and got my driver's license. My sister is twenty-two years old and engaged. I'm so excited about being her maid of honor in the wedding. I know that I am going to be so emotional that day. Troy is so perfect for her. I know that they will have a long and happy marriage together. He is just like a brother to me. My parents are glad that they will only be an hour away from them. It seems weird that we don't live in Waco anymore. I consider Waco as my home, and not Beaumont. My parents evidently seem to like it there, even though it is so humid. I thought that Waco was humid. It is nothing compared to Beaumont. I love Adam so much! It will be neat when his dad is in session. Maybe he will take me out to eat so I don't have to eat the dorm food all of the time. It really isn't that bad! I just hope that I don't gain the "Freshman 15. " Dancing will keep me in shape, though. I love my class. Ballet three times a week is just enough times to keep me from not missing my dance studio in Waco. It is really neat to get a lot of different styles of dance from different teachers. I think that it helps and has helped me to be a more well-rounded dancer, and open to new things. I miss my friends from high school. I just talked to Ashley today. I was so excited that she called. I know that I am going to have to start writing letters and e-mailing my friends and Adam, after my one hundred dollar phone bill in ten days. I feel really bad about that, but I just didn't understand the whole "phone bill thing. " As they say, everyone learns from their mistakes. I definitely had to learn the hard way, though. I hope that I have a cheaper bill next month, for my parents' sake. | low | high | high | high | low |
I’m finally getting to write this. I should have done this two weeks ago. well my girlfriend came by, she’s in high school still, and she's going to miss the rest of the day to be with me, but first she has to go to the doctor. I really love her alot. damn I hate it when people call me and want all this information, they really piss me off. Dalmatians aren’t good dogs once they get bigger. they are really mooding and alot are being brought to the animal shelter, I don’t work there or anything, I just heard it on the radio. I work at the library, but I’m not working today because I broke my finger playing softball with my brother, I got 4 hits, but its nothing like baseball, I’m going to walk on at UT but I don’t know if ill make it or not, but I’m going to give it my best try. me and my girlfriend have been going out for a month now, we met about 8 months ago and dated a bit then, but nothing serious ever happened, that’s probably because I was still hung up over my old girlfriend. but know its just me and her and we are in love. we’ve only had sex once and I think that’s good, because with my ex-girlfriend that’s all we ever did when we were with each other, and it became pure sexual. I don’t want that to happen with Erin(my girlfriend now) I really really want to get serious with her, I think I found the girl I could spend the rest of my life with sounds strange, but I really think I have. anyway I wish shed hurry up and get back I miss her. I think the reason we haven’t had sex more often is we never have the opportunity, her parents or grandmother are always home and my parents are home too, but I think that will change. I hope we stay together forever, and I know she’s does because she feels stronger about our relationship than I do, so I know I wont have anything to worry about. six more minutes and I’m finished, oh well I think this is fun. the simpsons are stupid, I use to like it when I was younger, but now I think its just stupid, I’m going to kill myself, just kidding, my brother and his wife are both psychology majors, my brother went to swt for fours years and know is a police officer, and his wife went to Texas for like 8, she was on the deans list and everything she’s super smart. well I’m getting on out of here, its was nice talking but I need to go to class, | low | low | high | low | low |
I'm wondering how long it's going to take me to find a girl I really like and if girls look at me as cute or a skinny dork. I miss my dog and the country life I use to live in. I'm scared of not making the baseball team and not completing my goal of pitching in the majors. I'm pissed off at my parents for not getting me a new car for graduation. I'm wondering if people act like they're cool with me when I'm around and make fun of me when I leave. I wish I had perfect teeth so I wouldn't have to get braces. I'm wondering if I'll ever forget my first love and if she'll ever forget me. I wonder why people look down on pot smokers even though their parents probably did it. I wonder when I'm a upper classman if girls will want me more and if I'll look different. | low | low | high | high | high |
Geez, this long hair gets on my nerves sometimes. Ok, it's 8:35 now. so if I just write till 9:00. This being on a web page reminds me that I need to get working on my boss’s web pages soon. more like it makes me feel guilty that I haven't started yet. Oops, better throw that away. Boy my room is messy, wonder if my roommate cares. He said just so long it was on my side of the room, but . I'll clean later. Though I need to do more homework. (8:37. boy, I'm really watching that clock). Japanese is hard. I really should wear chapstick instead of just licking and chewing my lips. Geeze, this room IS messy. I'm glad my parents aren't here to see this, or they'd freak. They’ll probably be irritated that the last e-mail I sent them was so short. I need to go get my course schedule planned out. I hope I can get my typing speed up, 75 wpm is fast, but I'd really like to improve my accuracy. I wonder if I should drop a class and get that job Dan was talking about. Maybe I'll drop PSYCHOLOGY. Nah. Why is it that people don't accept pagans? Ever wonder that, reading person? Do they not realize that all of us are silly fools, and us no more than them? Oh, well. That quote was cool: Once dogma enters the mind, reason ceases to function entirely. Damned if I can remember who it was by. William Wright or something. Man my memory sucks. I caught myself forgetting what I was talking about in the middle of my sentence several times today. It's a wonder I can remember forgetting. Dam, what was I fixing to say? Probably need to condition the hair tomorrow or it will be upset with me. And use my retainer or the orthodontist will hang me with it the next time I go in. It's cool that Jodi finally got her braces off, She's been wanting them off for a long time. She looks much better without them. Looks like Stona noticed (devious snicker). I really hope this doesn't turn out to be too long. Being able to type fast probably means that I'm going to get more down here than other's would. I wonder if they make some kind of odor-eater stuff for sandals. This things smell like the north end of a southbound horse. Hey, look John's online. Boy I'd hate to be the people reading these. But then, I guess they like reading people's random thoughts, since they are in the Psych department. That hole in the stupid couch-bed here in my room reminds me of the one I cut in our couch at home playing with a razor blade. My parents will never let me live that down. Woah! It looks like my roommate had been home (8:47)! I should be more observant, should have noticed the change sooner. Home. my parents would be very pissy if they found out I was referring to this place as home soon. You know, having to write these thoughts down really interferes with getting them in the head and processed properly. I mean, I'll remember the ones I get, but I'm not getting as many as I would normally because I have to dedicate so much of my left brain to typing this stuff. I would really like to be programming but I have so much homework. 17 hours is just too much, but I don't think I'd dare take less unless I had a reason. Boy I hope I can fond a job that pays well enough for me to stay down here over the summer and still be making enough to stand up the $9/hr I would be making in Dallas. You know, I can probably spell check this for you. hold on. Ok, well, that's kind of cheating, doing computer stuff while I'm supposed to be typing ,but I'll type a little longer to make up for it, eh? I was just checking to see if you were using a form mailer so I could have my emailer check the spelling for you. uh, oh, a message for ME? AHHH! I don't understand this program! Oh, well. OH! I see. Ok. Nevermind. You’ll have to get used to me, I suppose. I don't ever actually ask people questions, I just ask them to stand still while I say a question at them and figure the answer out for myself. The only questions I ask these days are things I don't feel like looking up in the reference manuals myself. I really admire Stona for making those "What I believe in. " memoirs. I really should make some of my own. But then there's the book I'm trying to write and stuff and that's just too much. AHH! So much to do. Oh, well. Just have to forgo literary stuff to have time for the other stuff. Messy messy messy. Damn, why do parts of your body in contact with other parts sweat like hell? It's not like they're going to get any cooler by it, and your body is wasting moisture, you'd think that that would have evolved out. But then, I don't suppose that animals rest in contact with themselves often. I wonder why Casey didn't take my Contact when I offered it to him. I finally have a book he shows an interest in reading, so that maybe I'll get to loan HIM books for a change, and he turns me down. I really wish he's come visit, he just keeps driving down to SA, like Austin isn't even on the way there. And to see MY girlfriend. I'll just give him a guilt trip and he'll come by. Or at least, stay away from janice. Great, that means that now Janice will think that Casey has time to go down and see her but I don't and Casey lives even further away. Super. She's going to be thinking that, I know. (8:57) This is long. But it is easier to do than I thought it would be. Maybe I should do this more often. It's a lot easier than a journal, and seems to g o a little faster. Go. I think I'll write a game of Go. That sound easy and fun. yep. Then I'll let Dan and his happy functional programming self make the AI. Nope, there are some things I will NOT write in here. Thank you. I wonder how accurate Pennebaker's lie - detector tests really are. I wonder if some Yoga guy came in that has awesome control over his heart rate and blood pressure and sweating and stuff, if he'd be able to fool it. I wonder if I would. Prolly not. I suck at controlling my breathing rate. Which is really cool. Hey, person reading this, I have a recommendation for you: Meditate. Cross self-hypnosis with the meditation method of your choice. It works great. Trust me. Ok, well, it's 9:00 now. I hope you help someone with what I've written here. Thank you. Bye. | high | low | low | low | high |
I can't believe kevin said he'd go with me to the date dash. I think its going to be fun. I'm having a hard time writing I don’t have a watch on so I’ll watch the clock I guess what am I going to wear??? oh I’m confused jenny better go that’s all o have to say then things wont be so awkward. I wonder if he really wants to go or if he’s just a nice guy I think everyone in this lab is foreign I only have one foreign friend and she’s from India well soriden was born in Cambodia but I consider her an American its really hot down here Tomorrow I have audition and I haven’t even done my monologue full out well its not like I’m going to get a part I’m a freshman most parts go to graduate students which is kinda why UT theatre is bad way too many students but it will make me want to stand out and try harder I guess gosh some people are so stupid when it comes to computers oh well I’m really tired of school and its only been what 5 days I who ever painted those window panes messed up and painted part of the windows I feel like I’m in a basement dud Sara you are I want to watch Adventures of Babysitting what made me think of that I wonder what the cute blonde in psych's name is he waved back to me maybe he'll talk to us next time. It feels so much later than 9:40 I do not want to do that stupid study questions or whatever they are called for languages of the stage. every single week I want to meet some hot guys now!!! Excessive baggage was a cute movie! Alicia Silverstone is cool someone sneezed and nobody says god bless you that’s so rude well I didn’t so I guess that makes me rude too I wonder to what age I’ll live to be I hope at least 90 100 might be too old for me anyway I’m not typing too good today my stomach is hurting me I had a good dinner at A-Chi-o tonight \my lines are totally ending random I wonder if boys can use this lab or if there is one in Andrew’s probably there is one since genius live there or geeks that study all the freakin time I could if I wanted but I don’t want to I really like my day planner it makes me feel important you know gosh I have some many things I need to do this week what am I going to wear I have no idea Jill says to buy a new outfit but then I’m making a big deal out of it he did seem interested or at least kept on talking after I asked him that phone just scared me I wonder if I’m doing this assignment right it bothers me that I’m not using proper grammar what kind of name is pennebaker? I don’t even know if I say it right hey there's my ra ana sitting at that computer computers make such an annoying bussing noise but not like a bee a lot softer and different my shoulder hurts and I don’t know why I need to go work out and get into shape because I’m not at this moment but I’m getting some exercise waling around this campus I wonder what the twins have been up to or if they even think about me probably not but I don’t care cuz I don’t like jax anymore really I don’t there are so many other guys here I figure out of 48,000 18,000 have to be guys and at least 5,000 have to be cute so at least at least 100 have to be gorgeous if not more why cant I find a guy I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me they only want the super skinny girls or I don’t know I mean I’m not ugly and I have a great personality I think I’m pretty not supermodel gorgeous I always say that when someone asks if I’m pretty I’m too shy aghhh why is it that Mac computers aren’t as cool as IBM???/ I've always wondered that I need to blow my nose its itching popping your neck or whatever sounds so crunchy I think if I ever got in a car wreck id break and die because I pop everything its kinda gross if you think about it | low | high | low | high | high |
I don't really understand. I am supposed to track my thoughts and feelings? Write about anything as long as it is for twenty minutes? OK. I kind of miss my old life at home, but I was so looking forward to moving on to other things. I have a friend that just went into the Army last month and I will never see him again. Other friends have gone off to college and moved away. Life is starting to change a great deal. I work for a company called Vector selling Cutco, or at least I did this summer, and we had conventions every now and then. I would always make friends from around the country, but end up never seeing them again. People don't keep in touch with each other like they should. I try to stay in touch with my friends and people that I meet. It is often difficult, though. I don't know. I am really thirsty right now. I was thinking of going up to my room first to get a drink, but I didn't figure they would let you bring drinks in here, and I didn't want to wait to get this done. I have waited long enough. I need to stop putting things off. I need to get things done. I guess it is just lack of motivation. Well that and lack of a computer. This is the first time I have been in the computer lab here at Jester. I am really thirsty and my throat is dry. I need to get this e-mail thing worked out. I haven't tried to use it yet. I might do that when I am finished with this. I wish that things could be the way they were, but then I don't. You know how sometimes something happens and you just want to freeze that moment in time and never leave. That has happened to me recently. Not since I have been at UT, but before, when I was with my friends. I like to spend time with my friends because they make me feel comfortable. I like to be around them because it is just very uplifting. My arm is starting to get tired because I don't have the right kind of writing area. It is uncomfortable in here. I need to go get a drink, but I still have a lot of time to keep writing, so I won't. I wish I had a computer so I could get things done on my own time. Life would be a whole lot easier, I think. I think I should go home and see my dog before the neighbors try to steal him again. If I don't pay enough attention to him he goes to stay at the neighbors house. They decided one day that they liked him and they were just going to keep him. They tried to give me an ultimatum (I don't know how to spell that word). They said that if I didn't give them the dog, then they did not want him at their house anymore, but if I didn't want the dog they would take him. The whole situation didn't make any sense to me, but what do I know. I don't think that they had the right to ask for my dog. He is MY dog. Whatever. Needless to say, I didn't give them the dog, but I got him fixed and had to tie him up for a while. He eventually learned that he had to stay at home, or at least near our house if he didn't want to be tied up. It rained yesterday for the first time in a long while. It didn't rain much, though. I missed most of the lightning the other night because I don't have a real window in my room. It is just like a quarter of a window and it gives me the feeling that I am in a dungeon. I hate my room. I wanted to get a plant, but then I realized that there wouldn't be enough light to keep it alive, so I axed that idea. I wish there would be a big storm because I like to watch the storms. The lightning, thunder, rain, and winds are really relaxing. My parents are building a house, but it is taking them forever. Anyway, you can sit on the back porch of the house and watch the rain. It is very nice. My friends Kate, Abby, and Alana are at Southwest and I was just thinking about Kate's yard and how nice it is. I bet it is really nice out there after it rains. The other night I watched a meteor shower and that was really beautiful. I like to look at the stars, but I dropped Astronomy because everyone said that it was really hard and that all it was a lot of math like distances to stars. I didn't feel like taking a math class so now I am taking Physical Anthropology. I don't know. My twenty minutes is up now so I am going to quit writing and submit this because I am sure it is really boring anyway. I feel sorry for whoever has to read this. My wrist hurts. Ha. | high | low | low | low | high |
This is the first time I have ever had an assignment like this before. I have never had to use the internet before, either. I wish that the computer in my room wasn't so difficult to hook up to the UT internet system. I am so tired of going to the same computer store over and over. First, they managed to sell me over one hundred dollars worth of computer equipment that I didn't need. After, that was sorted out, I had problems with the Ethernet card. Oh well, I will ask my boyfriend to fix it for me. I am so glad that he lives in Austin. I am glad that my best friend is my roommate. We always get along and we never fight. It's great because if she wasn't my roommate, then we would have a huge phone bill. So far, everything about UT is as I anticipated. I really didn't believe people when they told me that I would have classes with over two hundred people. That came out to be half true. I only ended up with twenty or so in my English class and about one hundred and fifty in my biology class. My chemistry and psychology class end up in the same room. both are enormous. I didn't even know how to spell psychology until about three days ago. Whenever I wrote the word I always looked at the course schedule or at my textbook. Books are another problem. The co-op had the wrong listing for my biology book, and I had to go through a huge hassle to get my psych book. I shouldn't be complaining. I really love it here. I love being one in fifty thousand. I love being known as only a social security number. The atmosphere is so relaxed and go with the flow. " I think that I am adapting well. Twenty minutes are up. s | low | high | low | low | high |
Okay, so we're supposed to write for twenty minutes about nothing really. It's a show about nothing-Seinfeld. That is an episode for all you non-Seinfeld watchers out there. You really should watch it though. It is really funny. I like funny. Funny is good. I am trying to type fast without looking at the keys and it is not working. Alessandra thinks she's so cool cause she typed faster than me in micro computer applications last year. I wasn’t a very fast typer. I am stupid because I forgot to look to see what time I started writing. I am going to assume that I've only been writing for about three to five minutes. At least I am getting this done though. I have to go to psychology class in forty five minutes. Last class we took these tedious surveys for eligibility in experiments. It wasn’t fair because there were like 2-3 surveys for just girls. So all the guys got finished and left to go take naps or eat. Speaking of eating, we ordered Poky Sticks from Gumby's pizza last night. I hope the roommates pay me back for that. But I don’t want to be rude and ask for the money. I am really cheap. But it is all coming out of my spending money. My friends are all getting money from their parents. My dad is being annoying though. He wants me to learn to budget my own money. He would have given me so much a month if my older sister hadn’t told him that she didn’t get any money her first year in college. Those older siblings cant just be happy for the younger ones can they. Everything has to be fair, doesn’t it. Oh well. I shouldn’t be complaining I guess. I am getting to go to the school I wanted to go to. I am getting the feeling that people around me are trying to read what I am writing. I know they're not though. They have better things to do I'm sure. I’m just paranoid I guess. Today is Thursday. We have a floor meeting tonight. A chance to meet our neighbors. Warning !!! When you log out all your files will be erased!! That is what the sticker on this computer says. I think they are over-using exclamation marks there. But that is just my opinion. I am not really one to use exclamation marks very freely. I think it is raining. I had to walk back from the library yesterday in the pouring rain with my roommate. She is pretty cool. She smokes too much though. I am trying to break her of that horrible habit. I think she is just getting annoyed with me though. She has bad posture. We've bonded already. I m glad I didn’t get some kinda weirdo for a roommate. She says she is getting a haircut today. Then again she has been saying that for the past two days. I really need to spit this gum out. I've been chewing it for almost two hours. Some random guy gave it to me when I was waiting to go to my boring English class. I need a computer in my room. My mom says she bought me a lava lamp for my room. I really want her to come down and drop it off, but I don’t want her to stay for the weekend. I am getting very sleepy. This staying up until 2am every night cant keep up for much longer. I have about five more minutes to write. What else should I write about. I feel like a lab rat. Are people going to read this later on and analyze me. Will they get in contact with me if they find out that I have some kind of mental illness? Or will they just forget about it and write a book about Me? My shoes are stiff from the rain yesterday. and I have to go to the bathroom really bad. Gotta spit this gum out. I am getting antsy. I think its been twenty minutes. This was fun. | high | low | low | high | high |
I am sitting here at Hardin House, boy I am so stressed out. I have these two writing assignments for psychology a whole bunch of pre-cal homework and tons of reading to do for Biology and Sociology. this sorority stuff is starting to take up way to much time. I really don't like the feeling I am getting when I am set up with a date because it makes me feel like I am cheating on my boyfriend. I know I shouldn't feel bad since I am just being friends with them and nothing more it just really bothers me sometimes. I really don't feel like going out tonight because I still think I am sick from yesterday. I need to go and call my mom and dad since I haven't talked to them in about five days I am just way to busy. I think I really need to work on some major time management skills because I am worried about getting behind and I want to get 3 As and 2 Bs so I can start off good before my classes get too hard. I am really excited about UT vs. OU weekend I hope that Jaycob can go so that I don't have to go with some random guy. I wish it wasn't the same weekend as my schools homecoming so that I could go home oh well. I need to take a shower and get ready for the KA mixer and try to read and definitely watch 90210. That was 20 Minutes. THANK YOU! HAVE A NICE DAY! | high | high | high | low | low |
Right now I am in my friend's Jester dorm to do my writing 1 with her computer. I will probably do all my writing assignments in her room because all the other computer labs in the U. T. campus are always full. It is really annoying when I have to wait to use a computer. I just don't have time to wait, since I have so much homework to do. I feel very nervous and uneasy about all my classes because this is my first year in college. People told me that the method of studying in college is different from high school. I am still not use to living in the dorm. It is too small and just doesn't feel as comfortable as home. I miss my parents, my dog, and the freedom to drive my car out. I am going to work very hard in college in order to have a very successful life. My leg and arm muscles are aching, since I played basketball and worked out at the Rec Center yesterday. I like the facility there. There is a good variety of things to do. I plan to reserve time everyday to play sports, especially basketball and tennis. The Boyz II Men new song called "The Four Seasons" is in my head right now. I enjoy listening to the song. It sounds very sweet and peaceful. The song reminds me of the time when my mom and dad send me off to here at U. T. I am now listening to the movie called "Space Jam. " My sister and my friend are in the room watching the movie. I saw the movie about half a year ago. I thought it was a very cute movie. It is amazing how the creators of the movie can mix animation with real people. My favorite basketball player, Michael Jordan, is one of the main characters in the movie. I like to watch him play basketball because he always makes incredible shots. It is so cool when Michael makes a slam dunk. He really does fly a little. I hope tomorrow will be a good day for me. I hope I won't be very nervous when I go into my classes. I have four classes to go to tomorrow! I am really excited about seeing my senior U. T. cousin tomorrow! | low | high | low | high | high |
I am very excited to be taking this psychology class since I was unable to take a psych. class in highschool. I am hoping that this class will give me some direction on my major. As of this moment I am supposed to be working towards pharmacy school, but I am beginning to think that it wouldn't keep my interest for very long. (You know it is very hard for me to just write in my train of thought, and I don't know why. I'm not much of a perfectionist or anything) Anyway back to psychology, Psychology really sparks my interest. In class, we discuss finding answers to many questions, but they normally pertain to other people than ourselves. Most of the questions that I would like to explore pertain to understanding myself. I am generally a happy person, and although I know that I will go through tremendous changes during my college career, I feel that I have a pretty good grip on the person I am. But--even though I feel this way, sometimes I have uncontrollable and unexplainable emotions. When this happens, all I can think is "why?" Psychology is one of those things that I don't know much about, but even with the little knowledge I have, I am amazed. I think it is very possible I may want to have a career in this area. I don't really know how I got on this spill about your class; probably because it drives me crazy not knowing what I want to do. I've always had everything very planned out, but after really thinking about it, that isn't the way I want to plan the rest of my life (if that makes any sense). What I mean is. I can't just pick a job (say Pharmacist), and decide "I’m gonna be a pharmacist. " That is what I did about a year and a half ago. I even got a job as a pharmacy tech at Walgreen’s which could help me out a lot. But, now I feel like pharmacy would get very dull and boring. I feel like I'm on an endless search for something that really sparks my interest. I've never been really exceptional at one thing or in one subject, and that makes me feel kind of lost, like I don't have a calling. Psychology sparks my interest more than anything else, but I haven't been through the course so I can't really say if I have a "passion" for it or anything. Along with my search for a "passion," I want success more than anything. I have had an average life I guess, but my life would never be complete with out stress. Not stress in general, but financial stress. I know that I am much more fortunate than many others, so why am I so stressed. I guess because all of my best friends were spoiled rotten, and I began to forget that I was so fortunate. I wasn't able to do all the things they were able to, I didn't get to drive a nice car, go shopping , or out to ear. These are all things that I believe are superficial, but I would like to be able to do these things with no worries when I am older. Even more so, I would like to spoil my kids rotten when that time comes around. Anyway (I’m a little scatterbrained today), I am a little afraid that when I find my so called passion that it will be something that will not allow me to accomplish my second goal. | high | low | low | low | high |
I feel kind of strange doing this assignment like this -- I don't think I've ever had such an informal assignment. I just got off the phone with this girl that I met in Galveston when I was a junior in high school -- the whole time I was talking I was also thinking about how I wanted her to shut up so I could do this assignment. Well, anyway, here I am sitting before this CRT not really concentrating or doing anything special -- just king of chilling. My roommate is playing Quake on his computer on the other side of the room -- also the radio is on and so it makes it king of hard to concentrate with all the noise in the room. I think the artist on the radio is Natalie Merchant -- damn I really hate her music -- it's so poppy it's disgusting. everything the drums to guitars to vocals sounds so devoid of feeling or meaning -- it's a mind numbing, spirit-crushing experience listening to this crap . I just wish she would shut up . I prefer bands like Korn or Pantera. they sing with so much feeling, and all the songs are sung with vehemence and anger and lust and disgust and hatred. the entire spectrum of emotions is explored in their works. other favorite bands of mine are helmet, Alice in chains, pearl jam,etc. I guess I kind of got caught up in the whole alternative revolution phenomenon. I WORE FLANNEL AND HAD RIPPED UP JEANS AND DOC MARTENS AND I EVEN DID THE DRUGS THAT WENT ALONG WITH THE WHOLE ALTERNATIVE SCENE. A BIG MISTAKE IN MY OPINION BECAUSE THOSE VICES WITH WHICH I EXPERIMENTED LAST THEIR TABOO AND SO NOW I HAVE NO FEAR OF THEM AND WOULD HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT TAKING THEM OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT THEY DESTROY YOUR BODY AND MIND. NOW I ONLY DRINK -- ANOTHER RESULT OF MY EXPERIMENTS WITH "ALTERNATIVES". IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IN HIGH SCHOOL I WAS A DRUGGER AND AN "ALTERNA-TEEN" WHEN I WAS WISHING THAT I COULD BE A MUSICIAN. BUT NOW THAT I AM ONE -- I HAVE MY OWN BAND -- I DON'T REALLY FEEL THE NEED TO DO LIVE THE ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE. I DON'T DRESS STRANGE OR HAVE STRANGE HABITS. I HAVE A 4. 0 GPA AND WAS THE VALEDICTORIAN OF MY HIGH SCHOOL, SO THAT KIND OF BELIES SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I'VE SAID HERE. bETTER MAN BY PEARL JAM JUST CAME ON THE RADIO. I LIKE THIS SONG ALOT. PEARL JAM'S NOT AS GOOD AS THEY USED TO BE. THEIR ALBUMS TEN,VERSUS AND VITALOGY ARE MUCH BETTER THAN THE ALBUM NO CODE IN MY OPINION. NO CODE SEEMS SO STERILE AND NOT PEARL JAM. I THINK IT HAS A LOT TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT DRUMMER--THE OLD DRUMMER FROM THE RED HOT CHILE PEPPERS. HE SUCKS IN COMPARISON TO DAVE ABBRUZZESE--THE OLD DRUMMER FOR PEARL JAM. I WISH THEY WOULD PUT OUT ANOTHER AWESOME ALBUM. IF THEY DID I WOULD BE VERY HAPPY. OH YEAH, MY ROOMMATE JUST REMINDED ME ABOUT THIS GIRL THAT I KNOW. SHE'S A FAT GIRL AND SHE'S KIND OF A BITCH. SHE KEEPS CALLING ME AND CALLING ME, BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE HER 'THAT' WAY AT ALL--BUT SHE LIKES ME LIKE THAT. . . . I KIND OF LIKE LIVING IN JESTER BECAUSE IT IS VERY CLOSE TO EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON CAMPUS. THE FOOD SUCKS REALLY BADLY, BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF BEAUTIFUL GIRLS THAT LIVE HERE---SO THAT IS REALLY COOL. I JUST GLANCED AT MY WATCH BECAUSE I AM TIMING MY TIME HERE ON THIS ASSIGNMENT. I ONLY HAVE A FEW MORE MINUTES TO DO THIS ASSIGNMENT. I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT HOW DELICIOUS MY SUPPER WAS TODAY AT MY FRIEND DREW'S UNCLE'S HOUSE. WE HAD BADASS BARBECUE AND HE GAVE US BEER AND MARGUERITAS. HE WAS A REALLY COOL GUY. I WANT TO GO BACK THERE SOMETIME AND HANGOUT AGAIN. HE'S GOT A REALLY NICE HOUSE AND HE'S BUILDING A STUDIO FOR RECORDING. THAT WILL BE COOL. MAYBE MY BAND-THE GOODSIDE-WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE USE OF THIS TO RECORD SOME STUFF IN THERE. WE HAVE OUR OWN STUDIO BUT IT'S IN THE DORM ROOM SO IT'S NOT REALLY EASY TO RECORD ALL THE TIME IN THERE BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT OTHER PEOPLES' SLEEPING HABITS AND WANTS AND NEEDS--THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT SUCHS ABOUT THE DORMS. IT KIND OF CRAMPS THE LIFESTYLE OF SOMEONE WHO MAKES A LOT OF NOISE. WELL, I'VE GONE OVER MY TWENTY MINUTE MINIMUM, SO I'LL GO AHEAD A START READING FOR OTHER CLASSES. . | low | high | low | low | high |
I just don't understand some people. Why do guys think that (okay, not all guys) it's okay for them to act like animals? What does he market? It's not easy to write and watch television at the same time. It's even harder to write and talk to someone at the same time. That was so disgusting! Why do girls stay with guys that they don't like? why am I with Chris? I think that I love him, but do I really? I mean how could I do what I did last night if I love him? It could be possible, I guess. What are these people talking about? Is Katherine. what was I going to say? quit making so much noise!!! Clink and clank. All trash is gross. Don't you know that? My mind keeps drawing blanks. Maybe I am trying too hard to think about what I am thinking. Have you ever thought about how you think of things? Well, I guess that is what we are doing here. Ha! This guy is so funny! This show is very funny today. I cannot believe that that lady just cut her old man's hair off. Why don't people have better opinions about themselves? Like me. Why don't I? This thing is annoying. How am I supposed to write my stream of consciousness when this stupid thing says I'm being idle? I ask a lot of questions, don't I? When are these twenty minutes going to be over? Am I going to have to pay Alison to use her computer? Did I spell her name right? Who is that lady? These people act as if they know her. Do they? Oh! I guess that she is a comedian. I guess anyway. A man with a plan! Ha! My hands are cramping. Come on time! Go faster! Faster, faster! Sock sniffing? Okay, whatever you say. Alright! Time is over! | high | low | low | high | high |
Well, I finally made it to the computer lab. Of course I waited until the last minute. Now that I figured out how to get in here it won't be so hard tomorrow. I hope I can get it done tomorrow by 5 because I only have an hour between classes. I am so happy that I got out of my class early today. It gives me time to study other things. I think I did fairly well on my quiz but who knows. I should have gone to work today. I feel a little guilty for leaving when I did, but I show up and they aren't even there. What am I supposed to do, just stand out in the hall like an idiot? This job is a waste of my time. They never have anything for me to do anyway. I wish I could quit, but I can't because Mom is friends with Linda and I need the money. Especially now because of the car situation. I swear Don is just being a big baby about the whole thing. I hope I'm not in a bad mood this weekend. It will be nice to just relax without having to go out. I hope my dinner turns out ok. Wally might be sorry he asked me to cook for him. I need to call him tonight for his birthday. I hope the package he got was either from his mom or dad. I can't believe he didn't get a card from either of them last year. I know he was upset about that, but of course he would never admit that to me. It's too bad sometimes that I can't talk to him about everything. Like last night, I know he didn't know what to say when I called, but I just kept thinking that if I had been talking to Rica or Renee they would know how to handle the situation better. But what can I expect, he's just a guy. He's told me before that he doesn't handle the mushy stuff very well. At least he listens to me. I'm glad I had the chance to talk to Genia yesterday. I really do feel bad about not visiting her, but I knew it was best for everyone if we didn't see her. At least she doesn't live here anymore. I think that would be a bad situation. I really hope she gets over him soon. She's been sad too long, and it's just not doing her any good. I've completely run out of things to say, and that doesn't happen to me very often. Unfortunately it's happening more often. I really love it here at UT, but it is incredibly lonely. I see thousands of people everyday, but I'm still lonely. I guess that's why I'm on the phone for so long every night. I need to feel connected to my friends even if I don't see them as much as I used to. Unfortunately, I'm on the phone so much that I don't get much studying done. It's alot different than High school. I never had to study in high school. Now I'm so behind, and I don't know if I'll ever get caught up. I guess when I'm done with this I'll go study until my next class, which happens to be psychology. I thought this was supposed to be a lesson in stress relief. Well, this assignment has given me nothing but a headache. Speaking of headaches I can't seem to get rid of mine. It's either stress or allergies. Either way I'm suffering. Well, I'm finally done so I guess this is it. | low | low | low | high | low |
I hope I am doing this write! I never really used the internet before and it took me forever to try and figure out how to log on. I feel better now that I am actually doing this, I thought I wouldn't figure it out in time then I would get a zero and bring my grade down. I am a freshman and I really want to do good. I hope my roommate isn't wandering where I am. We were supposed to do laundry after my class which was your class and ended at5. I was glad it wasn't raining when I got out because I didn't bring my umbrella. I am kind of upset that I couldn't find a smaller one than the huge one I brought. I don't want to look like a dork. I miss my boyfriend he is in San Antonio where I am from. I wish he would've gotten in to UT like me. It would have been so much fun being here with him without parents always watching over us. My time on this machine expires in ten minutes and it doesn't seem like enough time but it was almost twenty minutes that I have been typing maybe a few minutes less but it took me a while to figure out how to get here anyway. I not a very fast typer so I hope I have written enough and about the write topic that is whatever I am thinking. Well thank god I am almost done I only have one more minute so I have to push the submit button before it cuts me off. Bye. | low | high | low | high | high |
I am thinking about the pain in my throat right now, I have mono. Soon I will find out whether or not I have strep throat. In fact , I need to call the medical center hotline later, although I guess it really doesn't matter that much because I am already taking penicillin. Last night I could not sleep at all I was in so much pain. I would try and try to forget about the pain, and finally slip of into sleep. But, then about an hour later I would wake up and wish I was dead, not literally, but I just wish the pain would go away. I can deal with feeling sick all the time because I know that will eventually go away. I have so much stuff I need to do still, but I never have the energy to do it. I miss all of my family and sometimes feel lonely, but, I guess that is part of growing up. Texas plays Rudgers this weekend here and I already have my tickets, I wonder what that whole day will be like. I also miss all of my friends from high school, but I got two letters 2 days ago. I always feel sort of lonely at the start of school. Even when I was a little kid I would be really nervous when starting school, but it always ended up getting better by the end of the year. I was so ready to get out of my house this summer, my mom and I argued all the time. But, now I seem to really miss them, I think because I am sick I miss them even more because they have always been there to comfort me when I was sick. I wonder how my brothers are doing, I haven't talked to them in a couple of weeks. Everything here at UT is overwhelming, the system just doesn't seem to care about me. The people here are nice, but the red tape is difficult to cut through. I hope I can actually make good grades in my Calculus class, which is really hard. I guess I need to get a tutor and work on not putting my assignments off to the last minute. Computers are really interesting. They seem like part of the "system" and red tape involved in everything. Not that I don't appreciate or like technology, It just isn’t personal at all. I need people around me in order to feel good and have fun, that is why I think I miss my family, they were always there to talk to. I know I can graduate from college, but I sometimes wonder whether or not I really can. I also wonder about the many paths my life could take. Will I be truly happy in the future? Will somebody love me enough to marry me? Will I ever find a person I want to marry. What job will I have, how much money will I make. Will I be as successful as my Dad? Can I live up to all of the expectations of my family? Sometimes I see answers to these questions, I don't know how, and what are these visions, are they just part of my imagination? I feel like time is passing and I am not really making an impact. | high | high | high | high | high |
I am at work right now but I don’t start to work until about 30 more minutes I wonder if any one is going to if anyone is going to ask me what I am doing oh well there is this person that I think is real nice so I cant really how does this thing work any way why won't it go to the next line by itself so I guess ill start to press enter when I cant see the words I am typing I feel like laughing I don’t really know why well I do but it would be to dangerous for me to type them down. so one might see I wish I could go home I just found out that my botany class test are short answers great. I still like the class though cant wait fort he day to be over. I is supposed to rain today I want it to but I don't want to walk home or any where in this assignment is kind of hard I cant type as quick as my mind thinks I'm not sure I like this computer either well I’m still skipping my thoughts on the next assignment I think I better write it down instead. ok the truth I did erase something from the beginning of this document. I’m at work for goodness sakes. why do I keep putting periods down I guess it is hard to write with out using punctuation also his voice sounds wonderful ok I've got to stop that oh well I didn’t know that the top lines of the document eventually go up that a good thing she smiled at me probably wondering what I was doing I wish I had more time to write some more poems I will though I really want to perfect the one I wrote about the tanut this I going to look crazy when they print it out. I like this assignment though I never did ask if it was ok for me to be doing homework on the computers at work but mine at home is not fast enough to or doesn’t have enough speed to get everything on the net on my computer I rally want to buy some more software for it but I don’t know if I can afford it so this guy that I was telling you about is so fine I feel like I want to jump his bones I even had a dream about him last night nothing nasty though it wasn’t even sexual so I wonder if they are going to see how many times a guy verses a girl brings up the topic of sex in their writings I hope my TA gets all of this information. anyway he's so sexy I have a boy friend thought it will be five years in November I don’t believe it I love him though ok my mind has gone blank I cant think of anything I wish that when I write paper that the information I need to write him would flow a quickly as it is right now that would be cool so I could write a complete 12 page paper in one day I guess I would procrastinate one time though come to think of it yesterday I should have been writing my thoughts down I actually because aware became aware of what I was thinking it was kind of weird why to I keep trying to correct my mistakes maybe so it will be easier for the readier to follow I bet they are going to be having a grand time reading this class assignment I wonder what they are looking for. any way it would probably mess up the study if I did know. naked why I don’t know so one to the next topic my the way I wasn’t taking bout the Winston cigarette ads you know I don't smoke anyway well two more minutes until I have the file away my life at least to you its a play on words because it is part of the job description that I do I won't be doing it for the rest of my life though I do know that for sure actually I’m not sure I know what I want to do bye. 't be doing it for | low | low | low | low | high |
And so know I begin my first assignment in psychology. I don't know exactly how to begin this but I'm giving it my best shot. Typing isn't my forte so this is going pretty slowly. My roommate just walked in and then right out as soon as I told him what I was doing. Wow, there's something on the screen besides solitaire! He must be thinking. I hope my computer gets fixed soon. It'll be so much easier being able to send this through the internet from my dorm rather than going to the SMF lab and waiting for an open computer. They should have come to fix it by now. I guess they have a lot of people to help considering that I've called them two or three times already. And when the Ethernet starts working that will be awesome. Lightning fast access; no more waiting and waiting and waiting. . At least the phone lines are up and running ( in my room anyway). And not only that I got two free phone cards on the street today. I love it when they just hand out free stuff! Uh oh, I just heard some cars screeching outside but I can't see anything from my window. I hope they're o. k. I can't leave this keyboard! Hmmmmm, I just got writer's block and I'm writing through my stream of consciousness. I wonder if that's bad. I just got a song in my head but it's not like I can write down the notes ( it's instrumental ). My gum is losing its taste, I think that I might need a new piece soon. It's Winterfresh gum. It's my favorite. I don't exactly know why it's my favorite gum, but maybe I'll find out in this psychology class. Psychology is a kind of hard word to type and it takes a little longer that some of the other words. My roommate just turned on some music. Its called Prodigy, the group that is, and they play electronic music. It sounds pretty cool, I think I'll go listen to it. | high | low | high | high | low |
I am sitting here writing this on a Sunday afternoon. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 20 years old. I think I am going out to eat with my parents tomorrow night. It is sunny outside right now. I do not feel like sitting inside and working. I think this is cool how we can turn this assignment in over the web. I wish more assignments could be like this. In almost 6 and a half hours I will be 20. That sounds so weird to me right now. Last night I went to the Rage Against the Machine concert. It was pretty fun. I went with a bunch of friends. Sort of like an early birthday present. I am running out of things to write. I have a Spanish project to do after this. I still have Rage songs in my head from last night. There were so many people there last night. I heard that over 10,000 tickets were sold. It seemed like that many people were there. I am still tired from the show last night. I was disappointed that one of the opening acts for the show didn't make it. I wonder what I will get for my birthday. I already got a GoodFellas poster from one of my friends. GoodFellas is my favorite movie. I have the movie and seen it at least 40 times. I want to take a nap, but I have to much work to do. Hmm, can't think of what to type. I hope I get some money for my birthday. I guess I'll just have to wait till tomorrow to find out. Later I am going to call a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a while. Last night I slept with my contacts on. I better go take them off after this. I don't think that is good for my eyes. So far the school year is off to a good start. I am seeing friends I haven't seen in a while. | low | low | low | high | high |
Well it's hard to pinpoint my first thought as I begin to write, as it would be hard to pinpoint one thought that I have at any one time. I think constantly, usually about things that I should or shouldn't be doing at that time. For example, I constantly think about things I should be doing to help myself apply for medical school, like joining organizations, volunteering at hospitals, or studying to have that 3. 6 or higher. It seems like I'm always on the go now. This summer was pretty leisurely and then I move down here and I try to work the same hours taking 12 hours instead of 3. It's not the best thing for the soul. Speaking of soul, I try to go to church when I can and I feel guilty when I don't, but I haven't found the chance to go yet. And I hate making excuses, but I do a lot. I just watched a TV show on MTV called Austin City or something like that. It really excited me because I'm from a really small town, which I don't think ever makes the news. I have been really impressed with UT and Austin so far. All my professors have been great and I can learn from their lectures. I went to North Texas for two years, where I had to learn most things on my own. I transferred with Express and it is a lot harder down here. The manager is a lot stricter; I can't lean! I'm going to cut my hair off this Friday, but I don't know if I should. But, on the other hand, my hair causes me to get really hot and sweaty. I have already made the appointment, so I guess I will go through with it. I can't imagine how boring this must be for y’all to read, but I guess it could get pretty interesting depending on the students I guess you can tell how confused I am all the time. It shows in my writing how often my thoughts conflict one right after the other. Writing this hasn't taught me that though, I already knew I was confused. | low | low | low | low | low |
I am sitting in the computer lab at ESB wondering if what I'm writing will stay confidential, and I hope it doesn’t become some neato example for all the psych-kids to wanna do tests on me or something. Besides the fact that its kinda cold in here, the only other thing I can think about is how distraught I am that my girlfriend/potential wife wants to end a three year relationship. I know that I have done nothing wrong to cause the break up, and she assured me of that, and that is what confuses me. I would rather it be something about me that she didn't like rather than it be nothing at all, because I could at least come to terms with that and learn from it. She is such a wonderful woman and I love her very much. She said she doesn't NOT love me, but that these three years she has seen no internal peace, and with her graduating this fall, and with all the stress of her future, she can't bear this unrest any longer so she must stop the relationship. She told this to me just two days ago, after not seeing one another for the entire summer since she was working and out of the country while I was here doing summer school (or should I say that summer school was doing me). She just decided to leave me on her own accord and expect me to throw away three years in a single phone call. I am going crazy inside. I cannot understand why she gave up on me over the summer. She is a kind hearted woman and I know that when she told me she loved me that her words were true, and that is why I cannot understand why she's willing to let it all go. Right now I can fell my heart beat very hard. I can sense every time it moves my chest and I can see my shirt moving slightly around the area of my heart. I can see my shirt moving to the beat. My fingers are cold and my mind in total and utter confusion. I sat through two classes phasing in and out of lecture, trying to pay attention, but I can't. I told her that I am coming this weekend to college station to see her and talk to her face to face. I need to know what I can do to remedy this situation. I ask God for guidance, and I can't make out his message. I need to open my heart a lot more and let him inside and clear my mind of this so I can hear him correctly. I can feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes and I push them back very quickly so as to not let on how I am feeling to anyone in this computer lab. She tells me that there's nothing I can say to change her mind, but I need to try nonetheless. I really could use someone to pick me up right now. Now I’m thinking about my 15 hours semester course load and how its going to be so difficult to think straight with this on my mind. I've got to ask my friend/roommate to help me thorough this. 20 minutes. My times' up. | high | low | high | high | low |
Every time I get one of these writing assignments my mind always seems to go blank. They tell me "write about what is in your mind". It shouldn't be that hard I mean I am always thinking of something. For example right now I'm thinking I shouldn't have missed breakfast. Anyway this is sort of like writing a letter to a friend where you don't have to worry about grammar and things like that. At least I hope not. I feel like the twenty minutes are never going to be over. Actually I am amazed at how fast I am typing, and I've never taking typing course in my life. Well I think I'm typing fast. I don't know how many words a minute I can type. I hope I do well in school. This place is huge. I am enjoying myself. I've never been on my own before. You can call it a learning experience. There is not much to here with out a car. I hope I get credit for this. I wonder if this one of those things were they try to get into the mind of America's youth. They probably didn't get much out of me, since I don't seem to be thinking anything interesting. Maybe I don't know to type all that well. Some people just sit down and all you here are them hitting the keys. I wish I was like that, I could finish my assignments quicker. I need to take a typing course. I also need toenail clippers. You guys probably don't want to here that, but you asked to write down what I was thinking. I also need a poncho because it looks like it's going to rain. No chance in you guys getting me one? Well the twenty minutes are up. c-ya | low | high | high | high | low |
Right now I am tired and I am thinking about going to bed. I imagine what my classes will be like in thew morning and that I have to get up at 9:40 to be ready on time for my Astronomy class. I think if I have any home work or stuff that I have to have done for class. I then think of my next class which is Psychology. I think if I have any preparation I need to do for that class. I then think about what I'm gonna eat for breakfast and then for lunch. I then think that I need to go to the Microcenter to get the software I need for my business classes. I am disrupted by one of my friends who call me on ICQ. I talk to him for a few minutes and then get back to writing. I then immediately receive a phone call and I talk on the phone for about 5 min. Then I begin to worry how long I've been typing for and I try to remember when I started. I feel that it is time to go to bed so I decide to submit the assignment. | low | low | low | high | low |
Boy am I hungry right about now. I sure do miss mom's cooking, even though the whole eighteen years I've been eating it, I thought it was gross. Computer are cool. Internet is awesome. I like being a guinea pig for psychology class. Jester food stinks. Man I really hate it. However, the pizzas okay. Wu tang is cool. I wish I hadn't lost the CD. Racquet ball looks interesting. I want to play intramural Basketball. I wish I had a Car. I wouldn't mind having an S-Class Benz. Is twenty minutes over yet? Guess not. I love UT. I love Bevo. I don't really miss Houston that much. I could live here forever. Man, I'm hungry. I could go for some fried chicken and biscuits with mashed potatoes and gravy. I wouldn't mind have some Cajun rice with that. I want to go jogging, but I have too much too read tonight. I should not have registered for morning classes. It sucks having to wake up at eight in the morning and dragging myself to class. Wow it has been exactly ten minutes. Apples are good when they are crunchy and sweet. I miss Houston Radio stations. I can't seem to find a good club station in Austin. I miss the clubs at Houston. However, the ones here in Austin Aren't that bad. Corn dogs at Jester are nasty. So far my classes have been easy, but I haven't had an exam yet or even a quiz. I don't know what to expect. I had a weird dream last night. I was at a party and every one who was there was a person I had met but not really was good friends with. However I did not feel uncomfortable, I even felt like I had known them my whole life. I like Cajun rice. Red beans and rice is good too. I feel like getting something to eat. I'm starving. My stomach is telling me to run to the fridge, but my mind is reminding me that it is just empty. All I have to eat is ice cubes I made last night. Man, I'm starving!!! | low | low | low | high | high |
as I begin this assignment its seems weird to me that I am in college and I locating my professor on the computer I don't have to be in the room to hand you an assignment I have to get up early for class tomorrow usually I'm in bed by now I don't know why I up, I seem to have this spurt of energy tonight I've gotten so much done tonight though I so stressed out this week but today I realize that I've been stressing over future stuff and I was looking at the wrong dates on my syllabus oops forgot to hit the return button typing is making me so much more tired tonight when I'm done I will go to bed I love waking up in the morning its such a fresh beginning feeling forgot that stupid button again next door the music just got turned on real loud they better cut it out by the time I'm ready for bed I wish Wesley were here to go to bed with me Maryland is so far away at 1 in the morning, not that its any closer at 2 in the afternoon but things are so much more in perspective at that time wow I bet this is really improving my typing skills, not that they are bad I had that typing class in 9th my back hurts this position hurts but in 9th grade that teacher what was her name. . . oh yeah Mrs. reader and she had that annoying voice. aaaaaaa now class . bbbbbbb is everyone understanding how to switch the fingers to the right letters? this class psych reminds me of my mom she is a therapist I like hearing her talk about that kind of stuff but I don't like when she uses her therapy shit on me anyway I miss her I hope her business trip is going well Virginia seems far away at one in the morning I wonder why I typed that 1 out and just pushed the one key for the last one? anyhow or anywho I can not stand that . anywho! I am not capitalizing my I's anymore cause I’m tired and you said we didn't have to worry about grammar well I have two minutes and to tell you the truth I am now ready to quite and go to bed. | low | high | high | low | low |
Ok so here I am at my computer lab and I am supposed to be typing about what is going on in my head. well nothing really, just waiting for the weekend to come and what I am going to do . I have no idea on what I am going to do maybe I’ll go out with my roommate or my friends Kristen and tiffany, I don't know. I wish I could see Jason, I miss him so much, but he is coming down the weekend of his birthday so I’ll just wait. am I falling in love, oh well too late, I am already in love but I can't be cause I’m here and he is there and I just can't do this to myself. but am I going to find somebody here. I don't want to throw myself on guys but I don't want to be just some face in the crowd. how can you meet people if you just don’t want to talk?? I don’t know I don’t care I do love Jason and I wish he would get his act together so my mom and dad will like him a lot more and we can have a serious relationship. It's been three years now and I can't stop going back to him, do I just want the feeling of knowing that I have somebody or what? I have been a lot happier since we started talking. I don't know, I'm so confused. I don't want to turn out like my sisters that married someone that is somewhat worthless and have no money for half of my life. I am better than that. I don’t know. am I saying that too much. I am so glad that you are not reading this because you would think I was a complete psycho. I hate English class, I ] hate to write. It sucks sooooo much. My hands are starting to hurt. I don't practice Santeria, I ain't got no crystal ball. Well I had a million dollars but I spent it all if I could find that heina and that sancho that she found I pop a cap in sancho and I’d slap her down, well all I really want to know , I cant be and all I really want to say I cant define blah blah blah blah that I s one of my \favorite songs but I cant remember some of the words oh, well I have a lot more time new song, I’m on a one way street with a one night stand with a one track mind out in no man's land, the punishment sometime don't seem to fit the crime , yeah there's a hole in my soul but the one thing I’ve learned for every love letter written is another one burned now you tell me how it's going to be this time is it over, is it over cause I m blowing out the flame, take a walk outside your mind, tell me how it feels to be the one who turns the knife inside of me. ok new stuff let’s talk about what I am going to do for Jason’s birthday. I will hopefully get some goods from Jennifer and then get a hotel room and we can \smoke out in the hotel room and get really drunk and pass out but before we pass out we have to do some stuff. If I had access to all the drugs in the world like so well where all I would have to do is have money and call one person, I would be the biggest addict in the world, well not the biggest but pretty close. I love doing drugs, I love getting drunk, I guess I’m just curious about this , once I try it I might not like it but I have to at least try first, oh I think my 20 minutes are up in four mor3e minutes do you want to here me sing. Maybe this time I'll be lucky Maybe this time he'll stay Maybe this time for the first time love will hurry away he will hold me fast I’ll be home at last not a loser any more like the last time and the time before every body loves a winner so nobody love me lady peaceful, lady happy that's what I long to be well all the odds are, there in my favor something’s bound to begin IT'S GONNNA HAPPEN, HAPPEN SOMETIME, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL WIN!!!!!!!! CAUSE everybody oh they love a winner, so nobody love me lady peaceful, lady happy, that's what I long to be well all the odds are , there in my favor something's bound to begin IT'S GONNA HAPPEN, HAPPEN SOMETIME, MAYBE THIS TIME , MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL WIN!!!!! | low | high | high | high | high |
My Thoughts. As I sit here thinking my mind wonders into so many different plains of emotion and depth. I like the music I am listening to but my concentration is probably dying. I hate typing. This is a great way to see how I am thinking although I am tired and my thoughts are probably greatly distorted. I am glad I came to college station last night. It feels good to be back here and to see all these people I know already. I am already tired of seeing people it is almost impossible to get to know. My roommate is probably sitting at my apartment all alone and that is too bad I wish she had something to do as well. I like her but we do have some crazy differences. I am extremely thirsty. It is very hot in here. The past few days have been so terribly hot outside. I like the Fall and the Winter better. Everything is a lot more enjoyable then. I cant wait to see my old friends when I go home during Christmas. In High School I always thought I was Different from everyone else and to an extent I was. I hate yellow. I like to write but I would rather be reading a good book right now or maybe going to play put-put golf. Twenty minutes is a long time to write about nothing. Charlie has gone to work and I don’t have much to do now other than this. Why do people act so stupid today. I am scared to meet people because they all seem so strange and their thoughts all seem to be the opposite of mine. I want to breathe a breath that is new. I see nothing as far as my life is right now. I live my life with the shadows and I know that this is wrong or is it . I will find a place I have before. My head hurts what else can I write oh sweet brain. I love psychology it is so exciting and new and apparent . I am going to enjoy this class even though is has about a billion people in it and that is a change since my town only has 1400 people living in it . all so big BIG big I feel like I have been bent and thrown around right now I need to get some more sleep but I cant do that right now I am falling into this trap of thinking about my thoughts and my thoughts are typical and dull to me but I am not typical and dull WHY ARE my thoughts coming out this way on paper. Maybe it has something to do with trying too hard or subconsciously knowing complete strangers are going to read this (I like to write my thoughts for myself. Sorry 20 minutes is up . | high | low | low | low | high |
Right now I'm sitting here at my brothers house. I'm very tired and wish I was in my bed. We had a Tri-Delt meeting tonight and I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff we have to do. It just seems like their is something everyday. I wish I could just do some stuff and not all of it. I hate other people having control over me and telling how I have to spend my afternoon. I just want to be able to study, meet people, and sleep. Maybe I shouldn’t have joined a sorority. Oh well! I just need a break everything is happening so fast and I'm having second thoughts about the whole Tri-Delt thing because I really don't know anybody yet. Maybe once I start to meet people I feel more comfortable. I'm very excited because my dad is coming to Austin thurs-sunday. He is going to the game with us and taking us out to eat. I haven't talked to my dad in awhile so I can't wait to see him. I guess I'm a little homesick or at least more than I let show. I just worry that I/m the only one feeling this way and I don't want to look like a big crying baby to my roommate. But I don't really care what my roommate thinks because she gets on my nerves have the time and is not that much fun to be around. She is not interested in the same stuff I am and just sits around and plays on the computer. Well enough about that. I'm really hungry but I don’t want to eat anything because I worry about gaining the freshman 15. All my roommate eats is fat fat FAT. So their is all kinds of junk food in my room and I get tempted to eat it. She isn't worried about her weight. I very excited because this girl who is one of my pledge sisters asked me to room with her next year in an apartment with to other girls. She is real nice and I was surprised that she asked me to live with her. I said yes but I will have to talk to my mom because she is the one paying for everything. Last night was the weirdest thing I set down and started thinking about all my friends that are off at different schools. This was the first time that I had the chance since I've been here to think about everyone and wonder what they are doing. I even thought about my camp friends and how it seems like a year ago that I was with them. It was just two months ago. I wish I was back their right now because I had no worries and was so happy with everyone their. Well it has been 20 min. so I guess I'll let you go. Got to go study!!!!! | low | high | low | high | high |
that's no good. I was informed as I entered the room that my friend tom's girlfriend broke up with him. they were engaged; I hope he comes through this ok. he gets depressed sometimes, and uses poor judgement. wow . . . it just occurred to me the more complex problems I face as I age. there's a volleyball game going on outside in the jester courtyard (I assume . . . tom's roommate insists that it's a drunken festival of debauchery - I can't see out the window). I find their play loud and distracting, but the courts are there for that purpose and I have no right to complain. the stereo turned off and I find the only noise in the room to be that of my typing. I like music as I work. it helps me to concentrate. I find that I’m considerably addicted to sound. when I was younger (and not paying an electric bill) I even needed music to sleep. I listened to my Beatles record whi9le I cooked dinner tonight. chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and abbey road - fantastic combination. I found that there's a slight scratch on "Mr. mustard" - those bastards at the record shop are supposed to be honest about the condition of the albums . . . it would be easier had they allowed me to listen to it before I bought it. what kind of record shop has no turntable? still, I’m glad to have it - I collect old vinyl from some of my favorite groups . . . certain bands have a different sound and feel on record. I started collecting when my brother bought me "working man's dead. " he originally inspired my interest in the grateful dead, I guess that fits. I have discovered in the past few years just how, in my younger days, I religiously aspired to be like my brother. he's a great guy . . . I’m glad that he's succeeding in life - we went through some troubling stages together. I miss him when I’m at school. it's been five years since we lived in the same house, but at school I’m 200 miles away rather than across town. tom's talking on the phone to one of our friends, Andrew, who goes to school at Vanderbilt. computers are amazing things - my phone bill would be outrageous if I couldn't e-mail my friends who attend school in other states. he's talking about the "break-up" now. this whole situation sucks. | high | high | low | high | low |
Right now I don't know what to write. Marc sure is cute, and funny too, it was nice of him to email me I wish Scott and I hadn't gotten in a fight earlier today. he overreacted I am glad dad emailed me. I miss my parents I am sick of this school the work is hard my astronomy makes no sense I am going to fail Michael is giving us too much work I need to read for eng and psy I don't know what to expect from the tests here. I can't wait to go home dinner with Christina was fun it sucks that laurissa and I don't hang out anymore. neither do Eileen and I no one ever writes me I wish that I went to U of H and lived at home I am not motivated I don't like my edp teacher. she makes no sense in our assignments Vicky is so inconsiderate about the TV I hope linds likes her present. . it wasn't exactly cheap. too bad we aren't closer. I wish that we were I wish that she would get better and get on track. . . I wish I would get on track. . . I am so disorganized! Psy is going to be hard. I can't remember anything! I never did study. study skills class is a joke b/c I know it won't help. boy, my typing sure does suck I miss my work! I need to email or write Christy. she was a sweet boss. Vicky hoggs the TV and is inconsiderate but lupe is nice. julie is too nice for her own good, and she talks about "daddy's money" too much. people like that are annoying I hate it here b/c its just too much to handle I can't wait to go home this weekend! that will be an adventure with all of the family roller coasters! I can't believe aunt rita did it before she got married! actually, I can, but still its weird. linds needs to get over paul I hope we go see a movie on Friday. I hope she wears the necklace I got her. I miss Scott. . . I wish he were a little more considerate of my feelings. . Vicky is SoOOO presumptuous! to change the channel while I am watching it??? I hope that no one thinks I am nuts when they read this. I am getting upset b/c of how inconsiderate everyone is!!! I am so glad mom called and dad emailed me! I miss them. I can't wait to go home. I hope the 20 mins goes by fast!!! this is getting boring. I need to read for English marc is so funny. . . the way he jumps around subjects is so cute! Scott thinks he is the only one with stress in his life. I am so glad I got the stupid "brain picking" out of the way. Christina worries too much. right now I am annoyed with everyone and everything! I am going to miss Thursday night shows b/c of stupid astronomy. I want to marry someone rich and stop having to study. I hate to study this sucks. . all the work! my time is up sooN!!! okay, maybe not. I wonder if they would know I did it for half the time, probably so. everything I am writing is stupid. I am tired and hate astronomy its too broad a subject. I can't visualize the universe so I can't understand any of the topics. I am a visual person. I have to see to understand! Noelle took Pascal, so did the girl next to me. I wish that Noelle and Chris would stop being so "happy" and Sappy with each other. its sick and I think it is unhealthy that he cries about her all the time. he’s a big baby and I think it would never work with them b/c its soooo sappy and I think its unhealthy that they plan their lives around each other when they have only been dating for 7 months. Scott and I don't do that and we have been going out for 4 years. maybe we should break up. . yeah right, that'll never happen b/c we're too comfortable, bad! Oh well, that’s life and what can I do? Vicky totally monopolizes the room. Marc is so funny. I can’t WAIT TO go home! I miss my parents, they have such a hand full with Lindsay! Why can't she be more normal and get "it" together. I am tired of everyone blaming me for her troubles, its not my fault, I am bossy but that didn't make her the way she is. Yes!!! only 4 mins to go! Thank GOD. I really should go to church here, I sure have strayed into the last 2 months, we never missed before we moved. Scott lives too far from the new house, glad he got a car. can't wait for Saturday’s Date!!! Hope he takes me to carrabbas, I am sooo hungry. wish the store was still open, I want pizza. vic is selfish. I wish she would go to lupe's tonight. I prefer to have the room to myself. I don't like her too much, thought she is okay some times, but still, UNCONSIDERATE!!! just b/c she’s a soph, doesn't mean she’s superior to me in any way!!! She needs to just get over herself and go to lupes for the night. . . I liked it better when she spent the night out. I am hungry. stress makes me hungry, I am mad and upset with vic, and Scott too, I hope he called, so I can call him back! YES. . . one more min. this was harder that I thought b/c I am soooo tired. couldn't check my messages b/c VICKY was on the phone!!! AHHHHHH I don't like her!!!!! she needs to be more considerate like me. I bend over backwards to be considerate for her!!! ahhhhhhhhhh THE END. THANK GOD!!! | high | low | low | low | high |
I feel weird I know I’m about to pull an all nighter and I have this eternal sense of flux but I’m not in anguish at all I’m actually euphoric some how like I said I’m feeling weird that's why I’m doing thins now I don't know really what I’m supposed to say but I guess it doesn’t matter well I’m kind of at a stand still I hope you can read all of my word I’m a totally phonetic speller you see I’m dyslexic how ever you spell it well I’ll just start talking then things are always weird well nothing is normal it's not suppose to be that would be incredible boring and stagnate but it's just we never know were we are and never know exactly what we want and even if were some were we never know is this really were I want to be is this what I want to do I guess it don’t matter much were always were we are and were always how we are entail we change which is normally but different than how I usually am because its different but I’m not indecisive I think I just question it all and I’m yet to come up with the answer tired but awake I actually like this and I cant what to participate in the experiments ( I’m lazy and all I do is procrastinate that’s why this allnighter thing is happening) tired but wanting to do my work I actually get cote up in it when I actually do it I like working but I procrastinate there's all ways people to talk to and women to hit on and don't get me wrong I just need people my friend and especially the female ones I just need close people that all is there to be with and together nothing more the one but any way I get mad at my self for not doing what I need to in school because I actually like it all I love learning but I just cant put my ass in the chair and sit once I do I get it done and have fun doing it I still feel weird just lackadaisical and it's one of the few times I feel like reading and studying even though I do like it when I do it I feel like I’m giving you the wrong info. just not what your looking for well sorry but it happens I think I want to do work because my body wants me to sleep and I’m just procrastinating from that like usual its also why I’m taking so long to do this its not reading its just like me sitting out side talking but I guess its enough and I hope it works for what you want so I’ll put me always phrase in here and say good bye have fun | high | low | low | low | low |
I am at my friends house right now because I don't have a computer to use at my home. I just decided to get this assignment over with. This room is really hot. There are four people in this house right now. Jack, Richard, Julie, Sarah, and me. My girlfriend, Sarah is asking everyone of us to quiz her on her vocabulary that she has to memorize by Friday. It is very noisy in here and Jack is telling me to shut up. I really want to get drunk and have fun but I can't because I have school tomorrow. I need to stay focused on my school work and keep myself in control. I'm only a Freshmen and I'm really worried about UT because of the horror stories all my upperclassmen friends told me about. My father told me to concentrate on my studies because it is my responsibility to do excellent in school. He said that it is my life that I'm preparing for, not his. I'm also using my money because I'm using the loan that I received. I've been dating my girlfriend for two and half months and I think we're doing good. Everything is working just right. I cant wait till this weekend so I don’t have to worry about school for about two days. Actually, I have to do some reading and a short homework. I wonder if anyone sent me a E-mail. I better check it when my twenty minutes is up. I cant believe how much money I spent ever since I came to Austin. I spent so much on food, clothes, gas, and more food. Oh yeah, and mostly important, the books! (Yeah right!) Oh man! I did so bad in Philosophy today. I read my homework but still got a zero because the quiz was a little tricky. This is kind of fun expressing my thoughts on the computer. Oh! Twenty minutes are up! Bye Bye! | low | low | high | high | high |
I just met you. How can this feeling be? It is a happy feeling. Its just awkward. I haven't felt it in awhile, at least since another soul and I grew apart. Things just faded. Two different people, two different lives. But now the emotion lurks once more in my heart. I try to fight it, but I can't. Something tells me to follow my heart, submit, and give in to the strong, enticing feeling that is just starting a war inside me. Thoughts just continuously rumble through my head; they won't stop. There's no control. I can't change how I feel. This is a crazy world. Everything just seems upside down. There is too much to think about in life. Who ever said it would be this complicated? I wish there were just a secret to life and somebody would fill me in. I could just do anything I wanted to do. Pleasure could be my sole guide down every path in this extensive journey. The thought of consequences would never even enter my mind. I could live life day by day, and my only obligation would be to live. I would just enjoy life and breathe it in. Too many people today miss out on the beauty of their surroundings, the people they come in contact with and their environment. If a person merely goes through life only seeking material success, where is the true worth in that life? That person would miss out on everything with true meaning and depth. Therefore, he or she is not really living but merely becoming a trained robot to fit into the machine of our material world. Things are so weird now. It seems that people have lost site of their morals and are only living to climb the corporate ladder. What kind of life is that? Oh well, everybody is different. What is important to me may not be important to others. I went to Mount Bonnel yesterday, and it was breath taking. I watched the sun set and the stars and moon come out. There was a gentle breeze that would pass over my face and lips and blow through my hair. At that moment, all stress seemed to disappear. It was complete tranquility and bliss. It made me want to just sit up on the mountain, take in the view, let my thoughts run free, and just live. | high | low | low | high | low |
I went to my sorority's crush party last night. I didn't really know what to expect because they had it at Buffalo Club and I don't dance, I don't smoke, and I certainly don't look 21. At any rate, I wasn't having very much fun after 30 minutes. At that point a guy came up to me and asked me to dance, I figured it couldn't be any worse than standing around so I said yes. We ended up hanging around with each other the entire evening. We exchanged phone numbers and I kind of figured that was the end of it. It was about twelve-thirty when I drank half of my "big sister's" Long Island Iced Tea and I have to say I think that it really impaired my judgement. I got talked into going to Dance Across with three of my sorority sisters and the guy who had been hanging around me. I had fun, we danced, but he isn't exactly the kind of guy I'm particularly attracted to. For some reason I put that aside, became extremely flirtatious, and even let him French kiss me after having met him only four hours before. I feel really cheap now, I never do things like that. I don't really know what the reason for my actions was (I'm blaming it on the drink, but that's probably not the problem because the effects had worn off before the end of the evening). Maybe I'm somewhat lonely, it's been about three months since I've had a boyfriend. The problem is that I woke up this morning and regretted last night. I feel like I used this guy, I didn't mean to. Maybe it's not that I don't want a boyfriend, maybe it's that I don't want him as a boyfriend. The worst thing about this is that I've been in his position before (having someone kiss me than decide they don't want me, in fact, it was last week) but it hurt my feelings and I think it's extremely insensitive of me to do the same thing to someone else. | low | high | high | high | low |
I am so mad right now that I can't believe it. I wrote out an entire stream of consciousness thing and I pressed cancel instead of submit which erased my entire writing assignment!! I am so angry and tired and I just don't feel like doing this anymore. I can't believe that I am so stupid!! Why am I doing this anyway?? It doesn't seem like it's doing any good and I don't see what it's serving. I don't have anything to write about anymore and I don't even know If I'm doing this thing right in the first place. I don't know if I'm supposed to be pressing enter at the end of each line or if I’m just supposed to write to infinity on one line or if I should press enter. I don't know. I don't think I even care right now. I'm cold too. my dorm room is always so cold. I don't know why we put the AC on so high maybe because Austin is always so freaking hot! Why is it so hot anyway? I hate Texas. I wish that we never moved from NJ; the weather was always so good there it was never too hot or too cold. I miss my friends too. I don't know what to do right now. or what to do when I'm done with this stupid assignment. great, I have about fifteen more minutes left. what the hell. why is this taking so damn long sorry about the swearing but I'm just really pissed right now. I'm also tired because I went shopping with my girlfriend today for over 7 hours and I'm so fatigued mentally and physically. How do girls do it? How can anyone possible walk for seven hours straight and not get tired. In that respect I completely admire them. wow. not left with anything left to say. I must have . who the hell is making so much noise in the hall way? this dorm is always too loud!!! I just want to move to an apartment and get some privacy. I hate these public bathrooms, they're so unsanitary. I'm having trouble breathing now. My asthma is acting up again. probably because it's so cold in here. I wonder what my girlfriend is doing right now. She left in a hurry after she dropped me off. That's the gratitude I get for going shopping with her for so long. I bet whoever is reading this thing is hating the fact that I can type 65 words per minute and I bet she is getting tired of reading all this crap. I'd go crazy if I have to read ten of these things, much less over three hundred. Man I can't breath. I need to get my inhaler. I think I need to go to the bathroom too. but I can't leave this computer to do it. Oh boy. what is life getting to? wow only ten more minutes before I am done!! and I still don't know what to write about. Those people sure are making a lot of noise out there in the parking lot. OH. I wonder who won the UT football game? I guess we did since the tower is lit up orange. but I wonder what the score was. I think I need to ask someone. Not that I actually care about football in the first place. my leg is itching why do we have so many nestle crunch bars laying around here anyway? I think we need to give some away. ouch I just got a really big stomach ache. all of a sudden I'm really really tired. I want to get some sleep. I never get enough sleep in college seven minutes left. good. I need a haircut. I'm too tired to think. My ear canal itches now my face and shoulder itch. I can't do this anymore. I'm debating whether or not I should just submit this thing and say that I wrote for twenty minutes since I type faster than most people anyway. No one would ever be able to tell the difference. only five more minutes. I can't think of anything to write. I need to call my girlfriend but her line was busy the last time I checked. I think her roommates are on the phone line. need some sleep why the hell can’t I just stop??!?!?!? I'm so tired. My arms are getting heavy. I'm not thinking of much anymore. can't lift my fingers. Think I’ll just sit here a while and hope that time will fly by quicker. easiest thing to do is zone out and not think of anything at all, that way I won't have to type anything. but then again here I am still typing. what the hell. I can't win either way. I need my inhaler really bad now. I can hardly breathe. only one more minute. can't think of anything to say getting really really anxious now. come on. um. I guess that's it then. I've got no more to say. | low | high | low | high | low |
WELL, I DON'T LNOW WHAT ALL TO TYPE ABOUT, SINCE WE CAN TYPE ABOUT ANYTHING. MY BOYFRIEND THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE I MOVED DOWN HERE THREE WEEKS AGO CAME DOWN TODAY FROM DALLAS, SO I'M PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT THAT. I WISH HE DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE ON MONDAY, BUT HE HAS SCHOO, ASLO. MY ROOMMATE IS ON THE COMPUTER NEXT TO ME, READING ABOUT EL NINO, AND HER BOYFRIEND IS WATCHING ME TYPE. THIS COMPUTER LAB STINKS. MY BOYFRIEND IS BORED OUT OF HIS MIND, BECAUSE HE WANTS TO PLAYS GAMES BUT CAN'T GET ON A COMPUTER. I THINK THIS PSYCHOLOGY COURSE IS GOING TO BE HARD, BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE CLASS. FIVE HUNDRED PEOPLR IS A BIT TOO MANY PEOPLE TO HAVE IN ONE CLASS--HOW WILL ANYONE LEARN ANYTHING? ALSO, THE WHOLE EXPERIMENT THING IS VERY STRANGE. WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO STUDY ABOUT US? I SURE AS HECK AM NOT GOING TO WRITE A RESEARCH PAPER, THOUGH. I HATE WRITING PAPERS! I'M GLAD THAT WE DON'T HAVE A FINAL IN OUR CLASS. BUT I HAVE A FINAL IN MY PHILOSOPHY CLASS, AND IT'S ALSO ON THE LAST DAY. THAT SUCKS. I WAS HOPING I COULD GO HOME AND WORK DURING THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS, BUT SINCE I WON'T LEAVE UNTIL DECEMBER 16, THAT'S NOT GOOD. AT LEAST WE DON'T HAVE TO BE BACK UNTIL JANUARY 20, THOUGH!! THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. AARON AND I ARE BOTH GROWING IMPATIENT. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN TYPING FOR AN HOUR, BUT IT HAS ON;Y BEEN TEN MINUTES. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TONIGHT. ME, AARON, MANDA, AND BRANNON ARE GOING OUT TO EAT AND TO SEE G. I. JANE. I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THAT MOVIE FOREVER. IF BRANNON DOESN'T SHUT UP, I'M GOING TO BACK HAND HIM. AARON IS PLAYING WITH THE MOUSE AND IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. NOW HE'S LAUGHING UP A STORM, AND IT IS ALSO DRIVING ME CRAZY. BRANON IS A PERVERT. O, EXCUSE ME, HE THINKS HE'S ROMANTIC. NOW WE'RE ALL LAUGHING AND TALKING ABOUT DON JUAN DEMARCO, WHOEVER HE IS. I AM SO HUNGRY. I HAVEN'T EATEN ALL DAY, AND MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE IT'S GONNA CAVE IN. NOW AARON IS TALKING ABOUT TACO BELL, AND I'M GOING TO VOMIT. I HATE TACO BELL, AS WELL AS ALMOST ALL FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS. NOW AARON IS READING WHAT I AM TYPING, AND IT IS ANNOYING ME. NOT REALLY, ALMOST EVERYTHING HE DOES I THINK IS CUTE. I MISS HIM A LOT, I'M REALLY GLAD HE'S HERE THIS WEEKEND. HE'S FIXING TO MOVE DOWN HERE IN A MONTH, BECAUSE HE'S GRADUATING FROM THE ART INSTITUTE OF DALLAS ON SEPTEMBER 30, THE SAME DAY AS OUR FIRST EXAM. NOW THEY ARE TALKING TALKING ABOUT HOW NASTY UNDERSHIRTS LOOK. IF AARON PICKS AT HIS FOOT ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA SLAP HIM. NOW MY TIME IS UP, I'M REALLY GLAD. | low | high | high | high | low |