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3 | 6 | 0.86 | 3 |
so, this actually happened 3 hours ago and i just got home from the hospital.
i'm a student in germany and we still have exams right now, well, i have exams until the end of august. so i've been spending my days/weeks studying sleeplessly for the exams and i had an important one today, which as you can already guess, went pretty bad despite spending all that time studying.
being super frustrated because of the lack of sleep i've had and wasted time, i went home and packed my gym bag, headed to gym after resting for a while. today was my chest day and i like to start from the bench when i'm feeling strong. well, turns out, i wasn't that strong today. i lifted the bar and after doing several reps, as i was racking it, it fell on my face and luckily some people came to help and asked if i was okay. i thought i was okay, despite the burning feeling on my cheek, i continued and dropped the weight a bit and went on with the next set. then i saw a slight bump on my cheek and put my hand there, and there it was, blood on my fingers.
i went to the hospital after that and after some x-rays, nothing is broken, they just stitched it but lesson learnt, not doing any heavy weights without a spotter, ever.
|
had a shitty exam, went to gym frustrated and morally not-so-well, dropped the barbell on my cheek and needed some stitches.
|
dropping the barbell on my face
|
[
"so, this actually happened 3 hours ago and i just",
"got home from the hospital.",
"i'm a student in germany and we still have exams",
"right now, well, i have exams until the end of",
"august. so i've been spending my days/weeks",
"studying sleeplessly for the exams and i had an",
"important one today, which as you can already",
"guess, went pretty bad despite spending all that",
"time studying.",
"being super frustrated because of the lack of",
"sleep i've had and wasted time, i went home and",
"packed my gym bag, headed to gym after resting",
"for a while. today was my chest day and i like to",
"start from the bench when i'm feeling strong.",
"well, turns out, i wasn't that strong today. i",
"lifted the bar and after doing several reps, as i",
"was racking it, it fell on my face and luckily",
"some people came to help and asked if i was okay.",
"i thought i was okay, despite the burning feeling",
"on my cheek, i continued and dropped the weight a",
"bit and went on with the next set. then i saw a",
"slight bump on my cheek and put my hand there,",
"and there it was, blood on my fingers.",
"i went to the hospital after that and after some",
"x-rays, nothing is broken, they just stitched it",
"but lesson learnt, not doing any heavy weights",
"without a spotter, ever."
] |
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on my cheek, i continued and dropped the weight a i went to the hospital after that and after some
|
16 | 5 | 0.8 | 16 |
some context before i get started: i don't usually celebrate my birthday. something always goes wrong, without fail. and i always get stood up, so i usually don't do anything for it...other reasons also apply but they're irrelevant to this fu.
so, as the title suggests, i decided to make birthday plans with my work colleagues; this fu takes place over a series of days, but came to its peak today. the idea was to go for a meal with a small handful, and then have a larger group meet up later for drinks/clubbing (which, even by my standards, is putting myself out of my comfort zone). however, i wanted to ensure i could book a table before i secured any other plans, so i approached the people i wanted to invite for the meal first.
well, shortly after, news gets out that i've invited certain people to 'something' for my birthday. i get so many people up in my face asking why they weren't invited. and to each person, i state my intentions to invite them for drinks after the meal. today, i get six different people making a flurry of jokes and complaints at me, one of them because she is leaving the company and was planning on having her farewell party on the same day as mine. she says she's joking but she then went and got the other five people riled up against me.
honestly, it's shit like this that makes me reconsider doing anything...
|
decided to make plans for my birthday, and ended up pissing off my work colleagues in the process.
|
making birthday plans with my work colleagues
|
[
"some context before i get started: i don't usually",
"celebrate my birthday. something always goes",
"wrong, without fail. and i always get stood up,",
"so i usually don't do anything for it...other",
"reasons also apply but they're irrelevant to this",
"fu.",
"so, as the title suggests, i decided to make",
"birthday plans with my work colleagues; this fu",
"takes place over a series of days, but came to",
"its peak today. the idea was to go for a meal",
"with a small handful, and then have a larger",
"group meet up later for drinks/clubbing (which,",
"even by my standards, is putting myself out of my",
"comfort zone). however, i wanted to ensure i",
"could book a table before i secured any other",
"plans, so i approached the people i wanted to",
"invite for the meal first.",
"well, shortly after, news gets out that i've",
"invited certain people to 'something' for my",
"birthday. i get so many people up in my face",
"asking why they weren't invited. and to each",
"person, i state my intentions to invite them for",
"drinks after the meal. today, i get six different",
"people making a flurry of jokes and complaints at",
"me, one of them because she is leaving the",
"company and was planning on having her farewell",
"party on the same day as mine. she says she's",
"joking but she then went and got the other five",
"people riled up against me.",
"honestly, it's shit like this that makes me",
"reconsider doing anything..."
] |
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so, as the title suggests, i decided to make birthday plans with my work colleagues; this fu
|
7 | 4 | 0.73 | 7 |
i use an app (ifttt) that makes the top post on /r/guitarpedals my phone background. usually it's some cool guitar pedal board or some piece of gear. and usually this is not an issue.
i also was just at a go-cart/amusement place for kids, spending one last afternoon playing with my son before he starts kindergarten. plenty of kids playing with their families, mostly moms watching their kids.
i was paying for whatever i was buying (mini golf of go-carts) and a high school/college aged girl was working the counter. getting my wallet out to get my debit card i set my unlocked phone on the counter. and this was what was on my background:
https://imgur.com/gallery/occda
before i realize what i had done the few people at the counter noticed what the girl was starting at and all had a look as well. eventually i realized what they were looking at and quickly stashed my phone in my pocket. some people might have explained that an app made that their background or even showed what the full image is (to show it's was funny) but i didn't think quick enough. i just paid and walked away. and for the remaining hour i saw several moms either give me dirty looks it tell their friends something quietly, which i imagine was "there he is- that's the pervert with a half naked chick on his phone background.
all thanks to this original reddit post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/guitarpedals/comments/6tn958/this_looks_right_thanks_amazon/?st=j6cn7dvi&sh=f56bd12b
|
' don't let an app choose your phone background for you.
|
making /r/guitarpedals top post automatically change my phone background
|
[
"i use an app (ifttt) that makes the top post on",
"/r/guitarpedals my phone background. usually it's",
"some cool guitar pedal board or some piece of",
"gear. and usually this is not an issue.",
"i also was just at a go-cart/amusement place for",
"kids, spending one last afternoon playing with my",
"son before he starts kindergarten. plenty of kids",
"playing with their families, mostly moms watching",
"their kids.",
"i was paying for whatever i was buying (mini golf",
"of go-carts) and a high school/college aged girl",
"was working the counter. getting my wallet out to",
"get my debit card i set my unlocked phone on the",
"counter. and this was what was on my background:",
"https://imgur.com/gallery/occda",
"before i realize what i had done the few people",
"at the counter noticed what the girl was starting",
"at and all had a look as well. eventually i",
"realized what they were looking at and quickly",
"stashed my phone in my pocket. some people might",
"have explained that an app made that their",
"background or even showed what the full image is",
"(to show it's was funny) but i didn't think quick",
"enough. i just paid and walked away. and for the",
"remaining hour i saw several moms either give me",
"dirty looks it tell their friends something",
"quietly, which i imagine was \"there he is- that's",
"the pervert with a half naked chick on his phone",
"background.",
"all thanks to this original reddit post.",
"https://www.reddit.com/r/guitarpedals/comments/6t",
"n958/this_looks_right_thanks_amazon/?st=j6cn7dvi&s",
"h=f56bd12b"
] |
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/r/guitarpedals my phone background. usually it's have explained that an app made that their
|
0 | 3 | 0.33 | 0 |
as is tradition, this... well, the consequences have only reached its peak today, but this is a tifu that's been in the making since 2012.
i am... a garbage master. i live in a disgusting house that looks a lot like it's from hoarders. i wasn't raised properly and thus don't know basic hygiene skills. let's get the grossest part out of the way:
i haven't washed my sheets since i first put them on my bed in 2012. before i put them on it, i didn't even have sheets. i don't even know where the top sheet is. i sleep on top of two comforters.
being the trash master i am, i have papers and stuff all strewn on my bed. books. loose hair ties and piles of hair from after i get done brushing it. all sorts of stuff. at one point i realized that it was a little bit gross so i threw away the hair and put the largest pile of 500+ rubber hair ties in a designated hair tie box.
after an unspecified incident, i figured now... now, of all times, i should wash my sheets.
now, the thing is, the rubber hair ties are cheap as fuck and aren't really meant for long term use. if they're stretched out long enough and you unstretch them, they'll just disintegrate.
i've been laying on miscellaneous hair ties for *years*. the ones i didn't grab. they've embedded themselves between my comforters and between the mattress and the sheets and today, i removed the comforters. today, i removed those sheets.
and i noticed... these black marks. maybe it's ink? maybe it's some spilled stain? hell, maybe it's black mold. then i noticed they stuck parts of the sheets and the comforter together. then i noticed that some of them were less disintegrated than the others.
then i realized it wasn't black mold, which is good, since i straight up sniffed the stain and that was my running theory.
it was hair ties. an uncountable amount of hair ties have, like the shadows of those killed in nuclear bomb droppings, left nothing but a black streak.
also, i put them in the wash anyways because what the fuck am i supposed to do? i guess i'll report back when they're done.
oh, yeah, one of the comforters was a pokemon one from the 90s. sorry.
update: rest in pieces, they stained the mattress too.
|
my sheets have black stains that were formerly hair ties because i didn't wash them for five years and stored stuff on my bed. i have no idea how i'm supposed to get rubber out of fabric.
|
creating a new first world problem involving hair ties
|
[
"as is tradition, this... well, the consequences",
"have only reached its peak today, but this is a",
"tifu that's been in the making since 2012.",
"i am... a garbage master. i live in a disgusting",
"house that looks a lot like it's from hoarders. i",
"wasn't raised properly and thus don't know basic",
"hygiene skills. let's get the grossest part out",
"of the way:",
"i haven't washed my sheets since i first put them",
"on my bed in 2012. before i put them on it, i",
"didn't even have sheets. i don't even know where",
"the top sheet is. i sleep on top of two",
"comforters.",
"being the trash master i am, i have papers and",
"stuff all strewn on my bed. books. loose hair",
"ties and piles of hair from after i get done",
"brushing it. all sorts of stuff. at one point i",
"realized that it was a little bit gross so i",
"threw away the hair and put the largest pile of",
"500+ rubber hair ties in a designated hair tie",
"box.",
"after an unspecified incident, i figured now...",
"now, of all times, i should wash my sheets.",
"now, the thing is, the rubber hair ties are cheap",
"as fuck and aren't really meant for long term",
"use. if they're stretched out long enough and you",
"unstretch them, they'll just disintegrate.",
"i've been laying on miscellaneous hair ties for",
"*years*. the ones i didn't grab. they've embedded",
"themselves between my comforters and between the",
"mattress and the sheets and today, i removed the",
"comforters. today, i removed those sheets.",
"and i noticed... these black marks. maybe it's",
"ink? maybe it's some spilled stain? hell, maybe",
"it's black mold. then i noticed they stuck parts",
"of the sheets and the comforter together. then i",
"noticed that some of them were less disintegrated",
"than the others.",
"then i realized it wasn't black mold, which is",
"good, since i straight up sniffed the stain and",
"that was my running theory.",
"it was hair ties. an uncountable amount of hair",
"ties have, like the shadows of those killed in",
"nuclear bomb droppings, left nothing but a black",
"streak.",
"also, i put them in the wash anyways because what",
"the fuck am i supposed to do? i guess i'll report",
"back when they're done.",
"oh, yeah, one of the comforters was a pokemon one",
"from the 90s. sorry.",
"update: rest in pieces, they stained the mattress",
"too."
] |
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stuff all strewn on my bed. books. loose hair now, of all times, i should wash my sheets. i've been laying on miscellaneous hair ties for noticed that some of them were less disintegrated
|
7 | 4 | 0.75 | 7 |
this didn't happen today, but happened when i was in kindergarten, quite awhile back. this is a long one, so suit up.
i was quite little back then, and of course, i wasn't the smartest. sure, i was bright, but not smart. i also considered myself not a very good listener, which brings us into the fuck-up.
we were in class one day when our instructor announced that it was reading time. so, of course, we all grab our books and go to our favorite spot. i didn't move anywhere, and just sat in my seat.
my teacher then said that she needed to run to the restroom, and she would return shortly. but, the thing is, she didn't. she didn't need to use the restroom at all.
she said something along the lines of, "alright, class. i'm going to run some copies on the printer. if you need to use the restroom, go ahead. you do not need permission."
i took this as, "alright, class. i'm going to use the restroom. you can only use it when i come back." now, this wasn't a big deal, for me, as i was just minding my own business. however, i soon had the urge to piss.
the bathroom was directly down the hall from where the classroom was. since i assumed that the teacher had to run to the restroom, i thought that she was in there. while it was a restroom that could fit more than one person, i had the mindset that "you shouldn't be in the bathroom with a teacher."
a little bit passes by, and i *really* have to piss. i jitter around in my seat, reading my magic school bus book. the teacher still wasn't back by then, as the printer was old and nearly broken.
now, keep in mind, i'm sitting with my legs up, covering my chest, with a book on top of my kneecaps. that is the position i was in when i started to take a piss.
it started by flowing upwards, hitting the book. piss was all over arnold's face. as it dripped down the book, it got around my legs, and proceeded to hit the chair, and dribble down off the ground to make a little puddle under my chair.
i'm pissing a lot. the puddle grows bigger and bigger, and my pants are getting more damp. a good 15 seconds goes by, and there is now a very, *very* large puddle of piss under my chair.
somehow, and i swear to god, nobody noticed my huge puddle of piss. well, not until later.
i am now trembling, as i fear that i'm in a lot of trouble. i can't clean the mess up, it's too big. there's not much that i can do other than read my piss-ridden book.
a good minute goes by before the teacher comes back. she walks by my desk and calls out to the class, "alright, everyone meet me at the carpet!"
oh shit.
the best thing i could do in that situation to hide the mess was pull my chair over the puddle. of course, it was still really noticeable, and there was more piss than the chair could cover. i grabbed my book and put the cover over my crotch area, so nobody would notice.
before the lesson even starts, my teacher calmly points over to my chair, and says, "what is that?"
blah, blah, blah. i end up going to the office to get a new pair of pants from the lost and found. i wasn't in trouble or anything, but it scared me and i thought i would get a reputation for the piss-kid.
|
my teacher went to go do an errand, but i misheard her. i pissed everywhere, and had to get a new pair of pants from the office.
|
following nonexistent directions.
|
[
"this didn't happen today, but happened when i was",
"in kindergarten, quite awhile back. this is a",
"long one, so suit up.",
"i was quite little back then, and of course, i",
"wasn't the smartest. sure, i was bright, but not",
"smart. i also considered myself not a very good",
"listener, which brings us into the fuck-up.",
"we were in class one day when our instructor",
"announced that it was reading time. so, of",
"course, we all grab our books and go to our",
"favorite spot. i didn't move anywhere, and just",
"sat in my seat.",
"my teacher then said that she needed to run to",
"the restroom, and she would return shortly. but,",
"the thing is, she didn't. she didn't need to use",
"the restroom at all.",
"she said something along the lines of, \"alright,",
"class. i'm going to run some copies on the",
"printer. if you need to use the restroom, go",
"ahead. you do not need permission.\"",
"i took this as, \"alright, class. i'm going to use",
"the restroom. you can only use it when i come",
"back.\" now, this wasn't a big deal, for me, as i",
"was just minding my own business. however, i soon",
"had the urge to piss.",
"the bathroom was directly down the hall from",
"where the classroom was. since i assumed that the",
"teacher had to run to the restroom, i thought",
"that she was in there. while it was a restroom",
"that could fit more than one person, i had the",
"mindset that \"you shouldn't be in the bathroom",
"with a teacher.\"",
"a little bit passes by, and i *really* have to",
"piss. i jitter around in my seat, reading my",
"magic school bus book. the teacher still wasn't",
"back by then, as the printer was old and nearly",
"broken.",
"now, keep in mind, i'm sitting with my legs up,",
"covering my chest, with a book on top of my",
"kneecaps. that is the position i was in when i",
"started to take a piss.",
"it started by flowing upwards, hitting the book.",
"piss was all over arnold's face. as it dripped",
"down the book, it got around my legs, and",
"proceeded to hit the chair, and dribble down off",
"the ground to make a little puddle under my",
"chair.",
"i'm pissing a lot. the puddle grows bigger and",
"bigger, and my pants are getting more damp. a",
"good 15 seconds goes by, and there is now a very,",
"*very* large puddle of piss under my chair.",
"somehow, and i swear to god, nobody noticed my",
"huge puddle of piss. well, not until later.",
"i am now trembling, as i fear that i'm in a lot",
"of trouble. i can't clean the mess up, it's too",
"big. there's not much that i can do other than",
"read my piss-ridden book.",
"a good minute goes by before the teacher comes",
"back. she walks by my desk and calls out to the",
"class, \"alright, everyone meet me at the carpet!\"",
"oh shit.",
"the best thing i could do in that situation to",
"hide the mess was pull my chair over the puddle.",
"of course, it was still really noticeable, and",
"there was more piss than the chair could cover. i",
"grabbed my book and put the cover over my crotch",
"area, so nobody would notice.",
"before the lesson even starts, my teacher calmly",
"points over to my chair, and says, \"what is",
"that?\"",
"blah, blah, blah. i end up going to the office to",
"get a new pair of pants from the lost and found.",
"i wasn't in trouble or anything, but it scared me",
"and i thought i would get a reputation for the",
"piss-kid."
] |
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teacher had to run to the restroom, i thought get a new pair of pants from the lost and found.
|
8 | 8 | 0.89 | 8 |
it happened today!
this will be short,
we have been trying to come up with "fun" ways to sell things at the store i work at for my second job, and so we've had a lot of silly (kind of dumb) contests of recent to come up with things. the store has been understaffed, and it seems half of the employees want to gossip or throw shade at each other, so my work morale has been a tad low.
today my boss asked what we could make out of items people typically throw away at the store, so i suggested a noose out of thrown away receipts to hang myself with over the stress, drama, and garbage that's been going on at work.
apparently this was not a the correct answer. anyway, i got written up and a 2 day suspension.
|
if you didn't read this entire thing, and want a shorter explanation, you need help. but here it is. joked about suicide at work for an arts and crafts thing got suspended.
|
suggesting that i could make a noose out of thrown away receipts
|
[
"it happened today! \n\nthis will be short,",
"we have been trying to come up with \"fun\" ways to",
"sell things at the store i work at for my second",
"job, and so we've had a lot of silly (kind of",
"dumb) contests of recent to come up with things.",
"the store has been understaffed, and it seems",
"half of the employees want to gossip or throw",
"shade at each other, so my work morale has been a",
"tad low.",
"today my boss asked what we could make out of",
"items people typically throw away at the store,",
"so i suggested a noose out of thrown away",
"receipts to hang myself with over the stress,",
"drama, and garbage that's been going on at work.",
"apparently this was not a the correct answer.",
"anyway, i got written up and a 2 day suspension."
] |
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] |
it happened today!
this will be short, drama, and garbage that's been going on at work. anyway, i got written up and a 2 day suspension.
|
28 | 16 | 0.83 | 28 |
this happened one night where me and my friend, who shall be called steve, we're having one of our usual gaming nights at my house. my little brother recently got himself a nintendo switch and was out spending the night at a friend house. so we took this opportunity to play some glorious mario kart 8 delux.
in order for the title to make sense, i'll explain the set up of the game we were playing. i chose the inkling boy as my character, and my friend steve chose bowser jr as his. we started one of the cups and were off to having a great time as usual. we were doing are usual shenanigans while jokingly shit talking each other. during the first race, a cpu that was bowser was doing just as well as we were. we finished the first race with steve in first, myself in second, and bowser in third.
it was in the third race where the few beers we had started getting to our driving skills. by the end of that round, bowser was kicking our asses by getting first place, with steve in second, and with me in fifth. it was at this moment, my stupid belligerent self decided to say "haha, you just got schooled by your own dad xd".
immediately after saying that, steve reacted by saying "you shut the fuck up" in very serious tone. as soon as he said that, i snapped back to being sober and realized how fucking dumb i was for what i just said. i completely forgot about steve's dad and how he lost him about 10 years back.
an awkward silence and painfully sharp feeling of guilt soon came over for the rest of the cup we were racing. the night eventually got back to its lighter mood as we kept playing. however, that moment will now be forever engraved in my brain to think about it whenever i lay in bed and reminisce about all the embarrassing and regrettable shit that i've done in the past.
|
: me and steve (who's dad passed away) are playing mario kart, steve chooses bowser jr and we both lose first place to bowser. so i decide to say "haha, you just got schooled by your own dad xd", forgetting my friends dad is dead. caused the mood to turn really awkward and shitty, leaving me with painful guilt.
|
(unintentionally) making fun of my best friends dead dad.
|
[
"this happened one night where me and my friend,",
"who shall be called steve, we're having one of",
"our usual gaming nights at my house. my little",
"brother recently got himself a nintendo switch",
"and was out spending the night at a friend house.",
"so we took this opportunity to play some glorious",
"mario kart 8 delux.",
"in order for the title to make sense, i'll",
"explain the set up of the game we were playing. i",
"chose the inkling boy as my character, and my",
"friend steve chose bowser jr as his. we started",
"one of the cups and were off to having a great",
"time as usual. we were doing are usual",
"shenanigans while jokingly shit talking each",
"other. during the first race, a cpu that was",
"bowser was doing just as well as we were. we",
"finished the first race with steve in first,",
"myself in second, and bowser in third.",
"it was in the third race where the few beers we",
"had started getting to our driving skills. by the",
"end of that round, bowser was kicking our asses",
"by getting first place, with steve in second, and",
"with me in fifth. it was at this moment, my",
"stupid belligerent self decided to say \"haha, you",
"just got schooled by your own dad xd\".",
"immediately after saying that, steve reacted by",
"saying \"you shut the fuck up\" in very serious",
"tone. as soon as he said that, i snapped back to",
"being sober and realized how fucking dumb i was",
"for what i just said. i completely forgot about",
"steve's dad and how he lost him about 10 years",
"back.",
"an awkward silence and painfully sharp feeling of",
"guilt soon came over for the rest of the cup we",
"were racing. the night eventually got back to its",
"lighter mood as we kept playing. however, that",
"moment will now be forever engraved in my brain",
"to think about it whenever i lay in bed and",
"reminisce about all the embarrassing and",
"regrettable shit that i've done in the past."
] |
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this happened one night where me and my friend, mario kart 8 delux. friend steve chose bowser jr as his. we started by getting first place, with steve in second, and stupid belligerent self decided to say "haha, you just got schooled by your own dad xd".
|
62 | 25 | 0.83 | 62 |
so this actually happened today, unlike 95% of tifu posts.
i was on my way to class to take a final (i take summer classes), my commute was going smoothly. i was about halfway there and still had 15 minutes to spare. now usually i'm a really aggressive driver but i thought to myself, "you know, i got time, i may as well just sit back and relax, enjoy my commute without driving like a dick."
here's where the fuck-up happens, i'm in a line of cars waiting for a light to turn green and there's a nun in a church van full of kids pulling out of the cvs directly to my right. me first thought was "zero chance i let this van in front of me". i second guessed myself, and thought "you know what this is a perfect opportunity to do my "good deed" for the day so i let her in.
biggest mistake of my life.
turns out she was driving to my school for only god knows what (no pun intended), so i follow her the entire way to my school. 19 mph in a 35. my less than 10 minute ride from that cvs, turned into 30. i showed up to my final 15 minutes late and my professor told me that i was not able to sit for the final because i was late. so in retrospect, i should've just said fuck the church van and continued driving like a dick.
|
let a nun and a van full of kids pull out in front of me, ended up costing me a zero for my final.
|
letting a church van get in front of me
|
[
"so this actually happened today, unlike 95% of",
"tifu posts.",
"i was on my way to class to take a final (i take",
"summer classes), my commute was going smoothly. i",
"was about halfway there and still had 15 minutes",
"to spare. now usually i'm a really aggressive",
"driver but i thought to myself, \"you know, i got",
"time, i may as well just sit back and relax,",
"enjoy my commute without driving like a dick.\"",
"here's where the fuck-up happens, i'm in a line",
"of cars waiting for a light to turn green and",
"there's a nun in a church van full of kids",
"pulling out of the cvs directly to my right. me",
"first thought was \"zero chance i let this van in",
"front of me\". i second guessed myself, and",
"thought \"you know what this is a perfect",
"opportunity to do my \"good deed\" for the day so i",
"let her in.",
"biggest mistake of my life.",
"turns out she was driving to my school for only",
"god knows what (no pun intended), so i follow her",
"the entire way to my school. 19 mph in a 35. my",
"less than 10 minute ride from that cvs, turned",
"into 30. i showed up to my final 15 minutes late",
"and my professor told me that i was not able to",
"sit for the final because i was late. so in",
"retrospect, i should've just said fuck the church",
"van and continued driving like a dick."
] |
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] |
there's a nun in a church van full of kids front of me". i second guessed myself, and
|
173 | 51 | 0.91 | 173 |
like most fuck ups, this was not today, it was actually about a year ago. i was hanging out with my friend playing some video games and eating pizza. it was just me, him and his brother. he invited one of his other friends over a little later. the best way i can describe his friend is an awkward guy who likely browses 4chan. so after awhile of chilling eventually the topic of minions came up and my friend's friend said that he hated minions (i don't mind them). i thought he was being rather dramatic about some animated characters. being the annoying person that i am i pushed the subject and kept talking about minions. he then said to me "if you don't stop talking about minions i'm going to stab you" and whips out a knife. in retrospect i probably should've stopped talking about minions, but i hate when people tell me what to do. at this point i had a paper plate with a slice of pizza on it. true to his word i brought up minions one more time and he stabbed my plate of pizza very hard. the blade went through the pizza and the plate and pierced my hand quite deeply. things were pretty awkward after that and all he said was "i told you"
|
friend's friend hated minions, i kept bringing them up and he proceeded to stab me with a knife
|
talking about minions
|
[
"like most fuck ups, this was not today, it was",
"actually about a year ago. i was hanging out with",
"my friend playing some video games and eating",
"pizza. it was just me, him and his brother. he",
"invited one of his other friends over a little",
"later. the best way i can describe his friend is",
"an awkward guy who likely browses 4chan. so after",
"awhile of chilling eventually the topic of",
"minions came up and my friend's friend said that",
"he hated minions (i don't mind them). i thought",
"he was being rather dramatic about some animated",
"characters. being the annoying person that i am i",
"pushed the subject and kept talking about",
"minions. he then said to me \"if you don't stop",
"talking about minions i'm going to stab you\" and",
"whips out a knife. in retrospect i probably",
"should've stopped talking about minions, but i",
"hate when people tell me what to do. at this",
"point i had a paper plate with a slice of pizza",
"on it. true to his word i brought up minions one",
"more time and he stabbed my plate of pizza very",
"hard. the blade went through the pizza and the",
"plate and pierced my hand quite deeply. things",
"were pretty awkward after that and all he said",
"was \"i told you\""
] |
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minions came up and my friend's friend said that he hated minions (i don't mind them). i thought
|
14 | 11 | 0.76 | 14 |
obligatory "this wasn't today", but rather some years ago.
also, i would like to preface this story by acknowledging i was certainly disrespectful/rude during most of the situation. i've grown up quite a bit since and wouldn't act this way today.
**useful context:** was 17 at the time. second time ever making/trying marijuana edibles (slightly experienced smoker at the time). was with two other friends.
**story:** my best friend, who we'll call "brady", has a super cool mom who works for the city i live in, and has many great connections/friends to people. one of her connections is to a woman who runs the performing arts center in my town. (i come from a rather dumpy town, but we're somehow blessed to have a performing arts center that cost millions and millions of dollars. many famous artists and performers are here year round just to play in the facility.) this "connection" offers my friend's mom three free, second row tickets to the peter frampton concert that was coming up the next weekend.
brady relays this information to me and my other friend (we'll call him carl) mid-week, and i accept, of course. with knowing my parents will be gone the entire weekend, i invent an "awesome" idea that will enhance our peter frampton experience. we'll make marijuana edibles before the concert!... what an awful idea.
it's saturday evening, the day of the concert, and i'm preparing the edibles. (i made firecrackers. graham crackers, peanut butter, and cannabis). in my ignorance, i decided to "eye" how much marijuana i put on them, instead of weighing.
my two friends (brady and carl) show up right as the edibles are finished baking. we ingest the edibles and have an hour and a half until the concert. an hour passes, and.... nothing. none of us even feel slightly high. we have great doubts that these edibles are even going to work and are greatly disappointed thus far. regardless, we decided to head to the concert a bit early anyhow and all agree that it will be an awesome experience whether we're intoxicated or not.
rolling up to the performing arts center, i remember noting to my friends that i felt a little "loopy" and it's good that we decided to leave early in case they actually do "kick in." both of my friends note the same feeling. it should have been a clear eye opener that the edibles were starting to work when i realized how paranoid i was standing in the lobby of the arts center with so many people around. i guess i chalked this up to the "normal" anxiety i experienced daily with/without drugs. but, upon telling my friends i felt this way they responded by saying they felt a little paranoid too.
the concert was about to start, and we decided to go in and sit down. the timing of this next experience is not exaggerated, and it still blows my mind by just how "perfect(?)" the timing of this was. right as i walked into the performance room, i felt like i had suddenly been hit with some sort of tranquilizer. my legs went numb, i couldn't see straight, i could hardly even form coherent sentences, and the paranoia suddenly turned into extreme euphoria. i glance at carl, and he has a giant smirk across his face. i hear brady behind me chuckling softly for no reason... a+, these edibles are better than anything i could have ever expected.
upon sitting down, i suddenly noticed that every single thing going on around me was absolutely hilarious for no reason. people just having regular chit-chat? fucking hilarious. people laughing with other people? fucking hilarious. the fact that i was about to see peter frampton live? fucking hilarious.
peter frampton enters onto the stage and a loud audience screams and claps their hands. i'm having the time of my life. peter frampton begins to talk as the crowd dies down and brady suddenly starts to crack jokes. i've always had a problem with the giggles, especially in middle school. i would get kicked out of class because people would purposefully try to make me laugh, and i wouldn't be able to help myself. anyhow, i'm secretly dying of laughter while peter frampton speaks. suddenly and without warning, i immediately begin to hallucinate that peter frampton was just a hologram. i swear i probably sat there forever just in awe by this "technology" that was presented in front of me. (obviously, it wasn't actually a hologram. peter frampton was actually about 15-20 feet in front of me.) i excitedly but quietly told my friend about how frampton was a hologram, and his face suddenly changes as he realizes the same thing. we're both shitting ourselves by how cool this fucking hologram is. it's.... it's so real looking!
over the next 40 minutes, brady continued to crack jokes, albeit, rather softly spoken, but still a bit too loud. during these 40 minutes, i can recall a voice in the back of my head reminding me that we're maybe being a bit too loud. i was so high that i couldn't even explain to my friend that we were being too loud. while trying to explain it, i realized once again that i was being way too loud, and i think people around us were starting to get angry, maybe? once again, my mind couldn't even grasp on to the simple concepts of respect and i continued to talk/laugh at a volume that was right above "permittable" for the situation.
it should be noted that there was an empty seat to the right of me. brady suddenly leans over and whispers in my ear, "you want to know why i reserved that seat to the right of you?" i giggled and asked, "why?" to which he comes back with the most immature response of, "so i had room for my huge fuckin' dick." this obviously isn't grade a comedy, but in my state of mind, i couldn't contain the laughter that was about to erupt. i let out a loud, albeit, rather short squeal that permeates the entire room.
peter fucking frampton stops talking for a moment and looks in our general direction, but then continues speaking. i suddenly felt the paranoia again as i noticed all eyes on me. i whisper to brady and carl that we need to shut the fuck up. though i don't remember exactly what was said due to the high tense situation, brady cracks another zinger and i struggle to contain the laughter once again. while i was laughing, i knew we needed to leave. i knew we were being too loud. i knew we were being disrespectful and robbing others of their enjoyment of peter frampton. yet, i was too paranoid to get up and walk out with my two teenage friends in front of thousands of people.
finally, some guy sitting directly in front of us turns around and says, "listen you little fuckers. i didn't come to this fucking concert to listen to you little fuckers to laugh and giggle the whole fucking time."
cutting the story short, i derived another "great" idea that i should act like i'm having a coughing fit as an "excuse" to exit the room. (what a fucking awful and loud way to say "we're leaving!"....)
coughing fit ensues and brady, carl, and i exit the room. as soon as we closed the doors behind us, we all three erupted into the greatest laughter that i've ever experienced. we were being so loud that we exited the building and fell to the pavement laughing our asses off. we walked to the nearest fast food restaurant and camped out there for awhile until our other friend picked us up as we were all too intoxicated to drive and knew it.
once again, i do realize how disrespectful we were during this situation. the combination of marijuana and being 17 (which is not a good excuse) inhibited my ability to recognize this idea.
also, peter, if you ever read this, i'm very sorry for disrupting your concert. i would like to watch you again, but definitely sober this time.
ironically, this wasn't my first time having a crazy experience on edibles. though it was only my second time ingesting edibles, the first time was much more hectic and yielded stronger consequences. here's the link to my first edible experience (wrote that one years ago. hard to follow as i had slept 3 hours the night before writing it): https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3ctkz9/tifu_by_making_pot_brownies/
i've since then quit taking marijuana edibles.
|
took edibles before peter frampton concert, got way too high, hallucinated frampton was a hallogram, laughed too loud, made frampton pause during his talking, left halfway through the show, was a disrespectful asshole.
|
taking edibles before a peter frampton concert.
|
[
"obligatory \"this wasn't today\", but rather some",
"years ago.",
"also, i would like to preface this story by",
"acknowledging i was certainly disrespectful/rude",
"during most of the situation. i've grown up quite",
"a bit since and wouldn't act this way today.",
"**useful context:** was 17 at the time. second",
"time ever making/trying marijuana edibles",
"(slightly experienced smoker at the time). was",
"with two other friends.",
"**story:** my best friend, who we'll call",
"\"brady\", has a super cool mom who works for the",
"city i live in, and has many great",
"connections/friends to people. one of her",
"connections is to a woman who runs the performing",
"arts center in my town. (i come from a rather",
"dumpy town, but we're somehow blessed to have a",
"performing arts center that cost millions and",
"millions of dollars. many famous artists and",
"performers are here year round just to play in",
"the facility.) this \"connection\" offers my",
"friend's mom three free, second row tickets to",
"the peter frampton concert that was coming up the",
"next weekend.",
"brady relays this information to me and my other",
"friend (we'll call him carl) mid-week, and i",
"accept, of course. with knowing my parents will",
"be gone the entire weekend, i invent an \"awesome\"",
"idea that will enhance our peter frampton",
"experience. we'll make marijuana edibles before",
"the concert!... what an awful idea.",
"it's saturday evening, the day of the concert,",
"and i'm preparing the edibles. (i made",
"firecrackers. graham crackers, peanut butter, and",
"cannabis). in my ignorance, i decided to \"eye\"",
"how much marijuana i put on them, instead of",
"weighing.",
"my two friends (brady and carl) show up right as",
"the edibles are finished baking. we ingest the",
"edibles and have an hour and a half until the",
"concert. an hour passes, and.... nothing. none of",
"us even feel slightly high. we have great doubts",
"that these edibles are even going to work and are",
"greatly disappointed thus far. regardless, we",
"decided to head to the concert a bit early anyhow",
"and all agree that it will be an awesome",
"experience whether we're intoxicated or not.",
"rolling up to the performing arts center, i",
"remember noting to my friends that i felt a",
"little \"loopy\" and it's good that we decided to",
"leave early in case they actually do \"kick in.\"",
"both of my friends note the same feeling. it",
"should have been a clear eye opener that the",
"edibles were starting to work when i realized how",
"paranoid i was standing in the lobby of the arts",
"center with so many people around. i guess i",
"chalked this up to the \"normal\" anxiety i",
"experienced daily with/without drugs. but, upon",
"telling my friends i felt this way they responded",
"by saying they felt a little paranoid too.",
"the concert was about to start, and we decided to",
"go in and sit down. the timing of this next",
"experience is not exaggerated, and it still blows",
"my mind by just how \"perfect(?)\" the timing of",
"this was. right as i walked into the performance",
"room, i felt like i had suddenly been hit with",
"some sort of tranquilizer. my legs went numb, i",
"couldn't see straight, i could hardly even form",
"coherent sentences, and the paranoia suddenly",
"turned into extreme euphoria. i glance at carl,",
"and he has a giant smirk across his face. i hear",
"brady behind me chuckling softly for no reason...",
"a+, these edibles are better than anything i",
"could have ever expected.",
"upon sitting down, i suddenly noticed that every",
"single thing going on around me was absolutely",
"hilarious for no reason. people just having",
"regular chit-chat? fucking hilarious. people",
"laughing with other people? fucking hilarious.",
"the fact that i was about to see peter frampton",
"live? fucking hilarious.",
"peter frampton enters onto the stage and a loud",
"audience screams and claps their hands. i'm",
"having the time of my life. peter frampton begins",
"to talk as the crowd dies down and brady suddenly",
"starts to crack jokes. i've always had a problem",
"with the giggles, especially in middle school. i",
"would get kicked out of class because people",
"would purposefully try to make me laugh, and i",
"wouldn't be able to help myself. anyhow, i'm",
"secretly dying of laughter while peter frampton",
"speaks. suddenly and without warning, i",
"immediately begin to hallucinate that peter",
"frampton was just a hologram. i swear i probably",
"sat there forever just in awe by this",
"\"technology\" that was presented in front of me.",
"(obviously, it wasn't actually a hologram. peter",
"frampton was actually about 15-20 feet in front",
"of me.) i excitedly but quietly told my friend",
"about how frampton was a hologram, and his face",
"suddenly changes as he realizes the same thing.",
"we're both shitting ourselves by how cool this",
"fucking hologram is. it's.... it's so real",
"looking!",
"over the next 40 minutes, brady continued to",
"crack jokes, albeit, rather softly spoken, but",
"still a bit too loud. during these 40 minutes, i",
"can recall a voice in the back of my head",
"reminding me that we're maybe being a bit too",
"loud. i was so high that i couldn't even explain",
"to my friend that we were being too loud. while",
"trying to explain it, i realized once again that",
"i was being way too loud, and i think people",
"around us were starting to get angry, maybe? once",
"again, my mind couldn't even grasp on to the",
"simple concepts of respect and i continued to",
"talk/laugh at a volume that was right above",
"\"permittable\" for the situation.",
"it should be noted that there was an empty seat",
"to the right of me. brady suddenly leans over and",
"whispers in my ear, \"you want to know why i",
"reserved that seat to the right of you?\" i",
"giggled and asked, \"why?\" to which he comes back",
"with the most immature response of, \"so i had",
"room for my huge fuckin' dick.\" this obviously",
"isn't grade a comedy, but in my state of mind, i",
"couldn't contain the laughter that was about to",
"erupt. i let out a loud, albeit, rather short",
"squeal that permeates the entire room.",
"peter fucking frampton stops talking for a moment",
"and looks in our general direction, but then",
"continues speaking. i suddenly felt the paranoia",
"again as i noticed all eyes on me. i whisper to",
"brady and carl that we need to shut the fuck up.",
"though i don't remember exactly what was said due",
"to the high tense situation, brady cracks another",
"zinger and i struggle to contain the laughter",
"once again. while i was laughing, i knew we",
"needed to leave. i knew we were being too loud. i",
"knew we were being disrespectful and robbing",
"others of their enjoyment of peter frampton. yet,",
"i was too paranoid to get up and walk out with my",
"two teenage friends in front of thousands of",
"people.",
"finally, some guy sitting directly in front of us",
"turns around and says, \"listen you little",
"fuckers. i didn't come to this fucking concert to",
"listen to you little fuckers to laugh and giggle",
"the whole fucking time.\"",
"cutting the story short, i derived another",
"\"great\" idea that i should act like i'm having a",
"coughing fit as an \"excuse\" to exit the room.",
"(what a fucking awful and loud way to say \"we're",
"leaving!\"....)",
"coughing fit ensues and brady, carl, and i exit",
"the room. as soon as we closed the doors behind",
"us, we all three erupted into the greatest",
"laughter that i've ever experienced. we were",
"being so loud that we exited the building and",
"fell to the pavement laughing our asses off. we",
"walked to the nearest fast food restaurant and",
"camped out there for awhile until our other",
"friend picked us up as we were all too",
"intoxicated to drive and knew it.",
"once again, i do realize how disrespectful we",
"were during this situation. the combination of",
"marijuana and being 17 (which is not a good",
"excuse) inhibited my ability to recognize this",
"idea.",
"also, peter, if you ever read this, i'm very",
"sorry for disrupting your concert. i would like",
"to watch you again, but definitely sober this",
"time.",
"ironically, this wasn't my first time having a",
"crazy experience on edibles. though it was only",
"my second time ingesting edibles, the first time",
"was much more hectic and yielded stronger",
"consequences. here's the link to my first edible",
"experience (wrote that one years ago. hard to",
"follow as i had slept 3 hours the night before",
"writing it):",
"https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3ctkz9/tif",
"u_by_making_pot_brownies/",
"i've since then quit taking marijuana edibles."
] |
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the peter frampton concert that was coming up the experience. we'll make marijuana edibles before about how frampton was a hologram, and his face i was being way too loud, and i think people
|
383 | 86 | 0.93 | 383 |
yesterday i was to meet a friend downtown, and, arriving, early, i decided to visit a cafe i don't normally go into. desperately needing to charge my phone, i decided that i'd better have an iced coffee in order to use their outlets. i ordered a large, sat down next to the outlet, and took a big gulp.
wow was that stuff intense! being a hipster coffee bar, i only raised my eyebrows at the intense, almost sour, bitterness of the coffee. i must have just been surprised it couldn't really taste that wild. but another sip from the large mason jar (hipster place, remember) only brought the same acrid tastes across my tongue.
now, i'm no coffee snob. i'll drink whatever's in front of me, so long as it's black. i don't know what makes a good coffee, what the latest trends are, how long to roast beans. i just know what i like, and i certainly didn't like this. i wasn't about to show everybody how little i know about coffee though, and so i choked down the whole thing in a few minutes and took off to meet my friend.
it wasn't long until my day started to get weird. i wondered aloud to my friend if i'd had something g to drink or smoke and simply forgotten about it? perhaps i'd somehow been drugged along the way. she had me meeting some new friends of hers that i didn't know and it didn't help that my intense nervousness and jumpiness make me look like a tweaker.
i had a beer to try and calm my nerves and figure out what was going on. my friend opened it for me considering i couldn't stop my hands shaking enough to get the cap off. my heart felt like it was about to explore out of my chest and i could feel the paranoia mounting. what the hell was wrong with me? what was going on?
it was then that i remembered the coffee from the cafe and whether it was the effect of my high or just the fact it wasn't directly in front of me but suddenly i could place what tasted so off about it. that wasn't cold brew, that was espresso in ice!!
i realized i'd chugged the equivalent of 7 or 8 espressos in 10 minutes.
after hitting my head against the wall some j realized all i could do was wait it out. never in my life have actually experience a mind-altering high from caffeine alone and trust me, it was not an enjoyable experience. 1/10 would not recommend.
|
they made my fucking iced coffee out of straight espresso and i chugged it like an idiot
|
finishing my coffee even though it tasted off
|
[
"yesterday i was to meet a friend downtown, and,",
"arriving, early, i decided to visit a cafe i",
"don't normally go into. desperately needing to",
"charge my phone, i decided that i'd better have",
"an iced coffee in order to use their outlets. i",
"ordered a large, sat down next to the outlet, and",
"took a big gulp.",
"wow was that stuff intense! being a hipster",
"coffee bar, i only raised my eyebrows at the",
"intense, almost sour, bitterness of the coffee. i",
"must have just been surprised it couldn't really",
"taste that wild. but another sip from the large",
"mason jar (hipster place, remember) only brought",
"the same acrid tastes across my tongue.",
"now, i'm no coffee snob. i'll drink whatever's in",
"front of me, so long as it's black. i don't know",
"what makes a good coffee, what the latest trends",
"are, how long to roast beans. i just know what i",
"like, and i certainly didn't like this. i wasn't",
"about to show everybody how little i know about",
"coffee though, and so i choked down the whole",
"thing in a few minutes and took off to meet my",
"friend.",
"it wasn't long until my day started to get weird.",
"i wondered aloud to my friend if i'd had",
"something g to drink or smoke and simply",
"forgotten about it? perhaps i'd somehow been",
"drugged along the way. she had me meeting some",
"new friends of hers that i didn't know and it",
"didn't help that my intense nervousness and",
"jumpiness make me look like a tweaker.",
"i had a beer to try and calm my nerves and figure",
"out what was going on. my friend opened it for me",
"considering i couldn't stop my hands shaking",
"enough to get the cap off. my heart felt like it",
"was about to explore out of my chest and i could",
"feel the paranoia mounting. what the hell was",
"wrong with me? what was going on?",
"it was then that i remembered the coffee from the",
"cafe and whether it was the effect of my high or",
"just the fact it wasn't directly in front of me",
"but suddenly i could place what tasted so off",
"about it. that wasn't cold brew, that was",
"espresso in ice!!",
"i realized i'd chugged the equivalent of 7 or 8",
"espressos in 10 minutes.",
"after hitting my head against the wall some j",
"realized all i could do was wait it out. never in",
"my life have actually experience a mind-altering",
"high from caffeine alone and trust me, it was not",
"an enjoyable experience. 1/10 would not",
"recommend."
] |
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an iced coffee in order to use their outlets. i was about to explore out of my chest and i could
|
0 | 6 | 0.5 | 0 |
over the weekend, today and tomorrow i am having a change from my usual work by helping out on a roadworks temporary resurfacing crew. as this job is a few hours away from home and i ride a motorbike i decided i was going to pack light so the journey wasn't too exhausting. having woken up at 0400 several days in a row to get to the site i insisted that my boss got me a hotel down here and even suggested the cheapest i could find in the area.
having finished mondays work i headed back to the diggs to shower, eat and actually get more than a few hours sleep for a change. as it happens the place i am staying has some really nice rooms above a great gastropub type place. so far i'm really chuffed! walk in to the room, great double bed, lovely bathroom, yadayada. i have a shower, lay on the bed for fifteen mins to recoup some energy and go downstairs for some grub and a few pints. excellent food, great beer, friendly staff. everything you could want in an overnight stop for work!
after eating i decide a walk would cap the evening off perfectly before i have an early night so i go up to my room to grab a jumper and suddenly realise my tifu.
for those who don't know the system here when you do temporary resurfacing you spray a bitumen imulsion down mixed with fairly fine gravel. due to the spraying it goes everywhere! all my hi-vis clothes are speckled with tar, more so towards the bottom of my trousers. and my shoes...
i have stomped bitumen all over my hotel room carpet. i just spent twenty minutes scrubbing the floor with a bottle of water and a dirty sock as the room is on my bosses card and if he gets charged he will (quite understandably) go absolutely mental at me. gunna have my walk now and see how bad it is once the water has dried a bit. then probably do more scrubbing... ffs
|
walked though a hotel room that is on my bosses card with road tar all over my boots and probably can't make it go away completely.
|
not bringing spare shoes while working away.
|
[
"over the weekend, today and tomorrow i am having a",
"change from my usual work by helping out on a",
"roadworks temporary resurfacing crew. as this job",
"is a few hours away from home and i ride a",
"motorbike i decided i was going to pack light so",
"the journey wasn't too exhausting. having woken",
"up at 0400 several days in a row to get to the",
"site i insisted that my boss got me a hotel down",
"here and even suggested the cheapest i could find",
"in the area.",
"having finished mondays work i headed back to the",
"diggs to shower, eat and actually get more than a",
"few hours sleep for a change. as it happens the",
"place i am staying has some really nice rooms",
"above a great gastropub type place. so far i'm",
"really chuffed! walk in to the room, great double",
"bed, lovely bathroom, yadayada. i have a shower,",
"lay on the bed for fifteen mins to recoup some",
"energy and go downstairs for some grub and a few",
"pints. excellent food, great beer, friendly",
"staff. everything you could want in an overnight",
"stop for work!",
"after eating i decide a walk would cap the",
"evening off perfectly before i have an early",
"night so i go up to my room to grab a jumper and",
"suddenly realise my tifu.",
"for those who don't know the system here when you",
"do temporary resurfacing you spray a bitumen",
"imulsion down mixed with fairly fine gravel. due",
"to the spraying it goes everywhere! all my hi-vis",
"clothes are speckled with tar, more so towards",
"the bottom of my trousers. and my shoes...",
"i have stomped bitumen all over my hotel room",
"carpet. i just spent twenty minutes scrubbing the",
"floor with a bottle of water and a dirty sock as",
"the room is on my bosses card and if he gets",
"charged he will (quite understandably) go",
"absolutely mental at me. gunna have my walk now",
"and see how bad it is once the water has dried a",
"bit. then probably do more scrubbing... ffs"
] |
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i have stomped bitumen all over my hotel room the room is on my bosses card and if he gets
|
92 | 9 | 0.86 | 92 |
so this story happened like 2-3 years ago. everytime i tell this story to friends or at a party it always makes people laugh like hyenas, so i thought you might like it as well... enjoy
i'm a 20 year old, and i just found a girl that i really liked. we met a night at random by chance and exchanged numbers. i asked her a few days later and we went on our first date. it went better than any other date i've ever been to. she told me about her school and that she had a roommate because she was in college and that i would meet another day. she was absolutely perfect and i really do not want to fuck anything up.
it takes about a week and we have both been pretty flooded with work, but we were planning to do some fun friday night. we go out for dinner, go to an outdoor concert, and then meet some of our friends at a local bar. things get a little fuzzy from here. we had both been drinking for a while, and so i approach the point where memory is failing and the alcohol takes control.
we go back to her college and fall asleep. i get up and go to the bathroom naked and go back to the room. without believing it would ever happen to me, there's another guy in bed with her. i'm flipping out and my heart is sitting all the way up in my throat. standing in front of the bed, i try to figure out where this guy came from. i was thinking like, "she lied and fucking lays there hugging him in her sleep? - what the heck !?" i decided that the best action would be to wake her and confront her about it. so i go and wake her up and started asking questions. she completely ignores me and walks into the bathroom. i'm totally speechless, and just want to shout and scream at her. i thought i just had to get some clothes on ( i was totally naked) and leave and never come back. while in the bathroom, i'm looking around to find my clothes that i can not find. she comes back from the bathroom and just starts shouting and cursing me out. she started shouting and insisted on knowing who i was and that i had to "get the fuck out of the room."
it turns out that it was not my date at all... but it was her roomate and her boyfriend sleeping. (it was like a big room that's only divided in two by a little line of closets, so i must have confused myself and went to the wrong side of the room)
i stood there completely paralyzed, still naked, and embarrassed i started to realize what just happened so i went in to my date. i tried to wake her up, but she was passed out and slept like a rock. i was exhausted and there was no way i could come home so i decided to lay down again and worry about it the following day. i woke up later around 6 o'clock in the morning, just rushed out and the following texts with her was soo awkward, and we never really talked other than a couple of texts or snapchats which was sad but it was too embarrasing to see her after all of that! :/
|
thought my date cheated on me. got angry and woke her up. it wasn't her, but her roomate
|
i thought my date cheated on me
|
[
"so this story happened like 2-3 years ago.",
"everytime i tell this story to friends or at a",
"party it always makes people laugh like hyenas,",
"so i thought you might like it as well... enjoy",
"i'm a 20 year old, and i just found a girl that i",
"really liked. we met a night at random by chance",
"and exchanged numbers. i asked her a few days",
"later and we went on our first date. it went",
"better than any other date i've ever been to. she",
"told me about her school and that she had a",
"roommate because she was in college and that i",
"would meet another day. she was absolutely",
"perfect and i really do not want to fuck anything",
"up.",
"it takes about a week and we have both been",
"pretty flooded with work, but we were planning to",
"do some fun friday night. we go out for dinner,",
"go to an outdoor concert, and then meet some of",
"our friends at a local bar. things get a little",
"fuzzy from here. we had both been drinking for a",
"while, and so i approach the point where memory",
"is failing and the alcohol takes control.",
"we go back to her college and fall asleep. i get",
"up and go to the bathroom naked and go back to",
"the room. without believing it would ever happen",
"to me, there's another guy in bed with her. i'm",
"flipping out and my heart is sitting all the way",
"up in my throat. standing in front of the bed, i",
"try to figure out where this guy came from. i was",
"thinking like, \"she lied and fucking lays there",
"hugging him in her sleep? - what the heck !?\" i",
"decided that the best action would be to wake her",
"and confront her about it. so i go and wake her",
"up and started asking questions. she completely",
"ignores me and walks into the bathroom. i'm",
"totally speechless, and just want to shout and",
"scream at her. i thought i just had to get some",
"clothes on ( i was totally naked) and leave and",
"never come back. while in the bathroom, i'm",
"looking around to find my clothes that i can not",
"find. she comes back from the bathroom and just",
"starts shouting and cursing me out. she started",
"shouting and insisted on knowing who i was and",
"that i had to \"get the fuck out of the room.\"",
"it turns out that it was not my date at all...",
"but it was her roomate and her boyfriend",
"sleeping. (it was like a big room that's only",
"divided in two by a little line of closets, so i",
"must have confused myself and went to the wrong",
"side of the room)",
"i stood there completely paralyzed, still naked,",
"and embarrassed i started to realize what just",
"happened so i went in to my date. i tried to wake",
"her up, but she was passed out and slept like a",
"rock. i was exhausted and there was no way i",
"could come home so i decided to lay down again",
"and worry about it the following day. i woke up",
"later around 6 o'clock in the morning, just",
"rushed out and the following texts with her was",
"soo awkward, and we never really talked other",
"than a couple of texts or snapchats which was sad",
"but it was too embarrasing to see her after all",
"of that! :/"
] |
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up. but it was her roomate and her boyfriend
|
1,203 | 107 | 0.93 | 1,203 |
me and my wife love to go camping, and i recently purchased an extremely nice laptop capable of vr. so i figured i'd bring up my oculus and the laptop and experience vr on a whole new level. my wife also likes to play vr so it was a win/win situation.
so we get up to our camp spot, set up the tent and start a fire. as the campfire starts to simmer down, i reach for my laptop and start to set up the oculus rift. after setting up the boundarys and clearing up some space, i was ready to vr it up.
i started off playing eve valkyrie, and that was great. just before we had left i purchased super hot because that game looked super fun and it is. so i started playing super hot and i was so into it. i would act like that one guy in the matrix, and just feel like a badass.
after about 30 minutes of playing, something terrible happened. i got so into the game, shooting enemy's in front of me, then i turn around. one of the red guys had a shotgun, and the bullets were really close to hitting me. i was so dedicated to the game that i jumped yes, jumped out of the way. which ended up saving my virtual life, but for my real life it screwed me up. you see, i would have been fine if i landed on the ground, but nope, i landed in the firepit. the fire was out, but the coals were still red hot, or should i say super hot. i now have severe burns on my left arm and shoulder blade. i love vr so much that this was just a small setback for me. my wife urged me to go to the hospital, which i eventually did.
|
i played super hot in vr in the middle of a forest and ended up jumping in a a firepit with hot coals.
|
playing virtual reality in the middle of the forest.
|
[
"me and my wife love to go camping, and i recently",
"purchased an extremely nice laptop capable of vr.",
"so i figured i'd bring up my oculus and the",
"laptop and experience vr on a whole new level. my",
"wife also likes to play vr so it was a win/win",
"situation.",
"so we get up to our camp spot, set up the tent",
"and start a fire. as the campfire starts to",
"simmer down, i reach for my laptop and start to",
"set up the oculus rift. after setting up the",
"boundarys and clearing up some space, i was ready",
"to vr it up.",
"i started off playing eve valkyrie, and that was",
"great. just before we had left i purchased super",
"hot because that game looked super fun and it is.",
"so i started playing super hot and i was so into",
"it. i would act like that one guy in the matrix,",
"and just feel like a badass.",
"after about 30 minutes of playing, something",
"terrible happened. i got so into the game,",
"shooting enemy's in front of me, then i turn",
"around. one of the red guys had a shotgun, and",
"the bullets were really close to hitting me. i",
"was so dedicated to the game that i jumped yes,",
"jumped out of the way. which ended up saving my",
"virtual life, but for my real life it screwed me",
"up. you see, i would have been fine if i landed",
"on the ground, but nope, i landed in the firepit.",
"the fire was out, but the coals were still red",
"hot, or should i say super hot. i now have severe",
"burns on my left arm and shoulder blade. i love",
"vr so much that this was just a small setback for",
"me. my wife urged me to go to the hospital, which",
"i eventually did."
] |
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so i started playing super hot and i was so into jumped out of the way. which ended up saving my on the ground, but nope, i landed in the firepit.
|
9,788 | 668 | 0.91 | 9,788 |
this happened a few days ago now and i'm bored enough in icu to type this up for your amusement. i was driving home the other day when i had the sudden urge for wendy's nuggets. i wasn't hungry but i had meds that required food, so might as well eat something good. the drink of choice for these particular nugs was a nice strawberry lemonade.
flash back to years ago and i'm choking on the most delicious prime rib i've ever had. it was just so good i kept shoveling it in and may have been overly lax on the chewing. since that choking incident food tends to get stuck at the bottom of my throat. usually i can just drink something and it'll politely move along. i finished that prime rib.
present time. half of the first chicken nugget has been chewed and swallowed as i merge into the interstate. there are no issues, nothing feels abnormal. i happily drink my lemonade and life is good. wait, it's still in my throat. oh no, lungs hate lemonade but this shit isn't moving so i start drowning while driving. i put on my turn signal like a civilized fucking person and move over the three lanes to the side and put on hazards. now covered in my delicious lemonade i make it out of the vehicle and over to the side to choke that shit out of my throat. success. i finish the meal out of spite and forget my pills.
you wish i was done, we're on to the bonus round. i'm feeling tired, whatever i didn't sleep well the day before. i drink all the caffeine i can find for the remaining two hour drive back. make it to the office, clock out, make it home. stairs are a thing and they suck but normally i don't have to crawl up them. alright something might be wrong. take a shit that's straight black... that's a new one. i really want to sleep at this point (which likely would have made me dead) but i google the tar shit because why not. google basically tells me i'm going to die so a ride to the er seems in order.
get wheeled in to wait, no shocker there. things are moving slowly. yay i have to shit again. more black gold but wait there's more, i grab the trash can and throw up an additional liter of blood while shitting it. i now have a team of nurses watching some exorcist level shit but none of them offers to grab a priest. on the bright side that made a room open instantly. shortly after that i'm wheeled to what i assume is the organ harvesting room and get quickly koed. wake up with four staples in my esophagus and an all liquid diet. still losing blood so i'm volunteered for a second endoscopy that gets me another staple and a cauterized ulcer.
|
chew your fucking food or you'll drown going 70mph then shit and vomit blood at the same time
|
eating a chicken nugget
|
[
"this happened a few days ago now and i'm bored",
"enough in icu to type this up for your amusement.",
"i was driving home the other day when i had the",
"sudden urge for wendy's nuggets. i wasn't hungry",
"but i had meds that required food, so might as",
"well eat something good. the drink of choice for",
"these particular nugs was a nice strawberry",
"lemonade.",
"flash back to years ago and i'm choking on the",
"most delicious prime rib i've ever had. it was",
"just so good i kept shoveling it in and may have",
"been overly lax on the chewing. since that",
"choking incident food tends to get stuck at the",
"bottom of my throat. usually i can just drink",
"something and it'll politely move along. i",
"finished that prime rib.",
"present time. half of the first chicken nugget",
"has been chewed and swallowed as i merge into the",
"interstate. there are no issues, nothing feels",
"abnormal. i happily drink my lemonade and life is",
"good. wait, it's still in my throat. oh no, lungs",
"hate lemonade but this shit isn't moving so i",
"start drowning while driving. i put on my turn",
"signal like a civilized fucking person and move",
"over the three lanes to the side and put on",
"hazards. now covered in my delicious lemonade i",
"make it out of the vehicle and over to the side",
"to choke that shit out of my throat. success. i",
"finish the meal out of spite and forget my pills.",
"you wish i was done, we're on to the bonus round.",
"i'm feeling tired, whatever i didn't sleep well",
"the day before. i drink all the caffeine i can",
"find for the remaining two hour drive back. make",
"it to the office, clock out, make it home. stairs",
"are a thing and they suck but normally i don't",
"have to crawl up them. alright something might be",
"wrong. take a shit that's straight black...",
"that's a new one. i really want to sleep at this",
"point (which likely would have made me dead) but",
"i google the tar shit because why not. google",
"basically tells me i'm going to die so a ride to",
"the er seems in order.",
"get wheeled in to wait, no shocker there. things",
"are moving slowly. yay i have to shit again. more",
"black gold but wait there's more, i grab the",
"trash can and throw up an additional liter of",
"blood while shitting it. i now have a team of",
"nurses watching some exorcist level shit but none",
"of them offers to grab a priest. on the bright",
"side that made a room open instantly. shortly",
"after that i'm wheeled to what i assume is the",
"organ harvesting room and get quickly koed. wake",
"up with four staples in my esophagus and an all",
"liquid diet. still losing blood so i'm",
"volunteered for a second endoscopy that gets me",
"another staple and a cauterized ulcer."
] |
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choking incident food tends to get stuck at the signal like a civilized fucking person and move
|
2 | 0 | 0.66 | 2 |
happened yesterday, but still hurts today... i was out walking my dogs with the wife and along the route is a walnut tree. i noticed a bit of stuff falling out of the tree and figured there was a squirrel eating and dropping his crumbs down below. i looked up and quickly found him sitting on a break branch and chewing away. at the same moment i found the squirrel, a walnut suddenly became dislodged and fell ten feet straight down, hitting me right in the face. by the way, these are the kind of walnuts this tree grows (https://shop.arborday.org/data/default/images/catalog/250/turnkey/1/carpathian-english-walnut_2-935.jpg). the one that got me was about 1-2 inches wide.
|
looked up a tree to find a squirrel, and got teabagged by the tree.
|
looking at a squirrel in a tree
|
[
"happened yesterday, but still hurts today... i was",
"out walking my dogs with the wife and along the",
"route is a walnut tree. i noticed a bit of stuff",
"falling out of the tree and figured there was a",
"squirrel eating and dropping his crumbs down",
"below. i looked up and quickly found him sitting",
"on a break branch and chewing away. at the same",
"moment i found the squirrel, a walnut suddenly",
"became dislodged and fell ten feet straight down,",
"hitting me right in the face. by the way, these",
"are the kind of walnuts this tree grows",
"(https://shop.arborday.org/data/default/images/ca",
"talog/250/turnkey/1/carpathian-english-walnut_2-93",
"5.jpg).",
"the one that got me was about 1-2 inches wide."
] |
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] |
falling out of the tree and figured there was a below. i looked up and quickly found him sitting
|
8 | 4 | 0.73 | 8 |
i've had a good laugh at some stories on here so i hope you all can get a kick out of this one.
this happened about 5-6 years ago.
on a hot summers day me and 2 friends decided to head down to little free festival on the coast. neither of us could drive back then so we took the bus. the route usually isn't very long but being a bus it obviously has to go round the houses which made it just under 2 hours there. as you can probably guess from the title i don't travel well and coupled with the heat equalled to a very unpleasant ride.
i board the bus and pay my fair, turn to get a seat only to find the whole place packed with people. obviously everyone has the same idea.
(i should say at this point i'm by myself since i live further away than my 2 mates, they would be getting on a bit nearer their stop).
luckily i spot the last empty seat right at the back but it's one of those seats that faces backwards. not ideal but i'm not standing for 2 hours! i squeeze past people sitting down to get to the back, i then squeeze past a group of 15-16 year olds all sitting along the back row. the seat is facing the back of the bus so i'm basically face to face with a couple of them. luckily it's a window seat so i just turn on my music and stare out the window.
if any of you are like me you know that travelling backwards is not pleasant when you're easily travel sick, and i'm fully aware of this sitting on the bus so i just try to take things easy and focus on stuff outside. about 40 minutes in and i'm feeling confident, no sick feeling yet, if only i knew what was coming.
a few stops away from my mates house i start to feel that all to familiar feeling. the mild headache kicking in, the churning stomach, i knew what was coming but i felt confident i could fight it off. just focus on the outside. breathe deeply. it doesn't help that the only windows on the bus are these tiny little slits that barely open right at the top. not good.
the stop comes and more people pile on including my 2 friends. one takes the recently empty seat next to me while the other stands, i offer the seat but he declines. i joke with them about how ill i'm feeling just to try and make light of the situation and they both laugh.
a bit further in and i'm really feeling shit. i'm no longer talking to them, just staring out the window. survival mode activated.
i don't know about anyone else here but when you're feeling that bad i find people talking to you just makes things worse and that is exactly what my friend next to me was doing. i can't even remember what she was saying to me since i was trying to focus on breathing but apparently she was giving me tips on how to feel better. ha!
just over half way into the trip i feel it. it's going to happen right here on the bus. it was like a runaway train of vomit chugging its way up my throat and i was powerless to do anything. frantically looking around for a bag or anything i could use, that's when i feel that warm chuncky liquid rush into my mouth. my cheeks literally expand with vomit, i look like a hamster storing nuts in its mouth. i attempt to swollow it but only manage a bit before i start to gag, i couldn't risk a top up! i then started to gag at the idea of holding sick in my mouth. i tried my best to avoid thinking about it, i tried to focus on getting off this bus and breathing in that sweet sweet air. the teenagers sitting opposite me clock what's going on and cover their mouths and gasp, some look away and others giggle. oh my god no. i couldn't see the colour of my face but i would imagine it shone with the unique mix of pale white and bright red. my mate turns to face my bloated face but looks confused, maybe she think's i'm just pissing about with her. her face instantly drops when she realises what's happening, she nudges my other friend and they're both unsure what to do, fair enough, tbh i wouldn't know what to do in that situation.
we ring the bell to get off and all i can do is wait for the bus driver to pull over, those 2 minutes felt like 2 months in my mind but thankfully we were close to the next bus stop.
the bus driver pulls over so my 2 friends go ahead single file and i go to follow them when i notice a purse on the seat my friend was sat on. she hasn't noticed anything as she's making her way through the people to the open doors of the bus. thinking back it was obviously hers since it wasn't there when she came to sit down but for whatever reason i thought that it might have been one of the teenage girls purses sitting opposite me. i really don't know why i thought that but i did, i didn't want to risk walking out with some girls purse and getting accused of theft in that situation. i pick the purse up and turn to show my mate but she's walking away and i obviously can't shout to ask her since i'm currently holding an ungodly amount of sick in my mouth. i turn to one of the girls with her hand covering her mouth, shake the purse at her while making a weird humming noise as if i'm asking a question. she shakes her head and i turn to get out of there quick!
once out i run towards a bush to spew up properly. i reckon the whole bus was watching at that point but i didn't care. funnily enough i was expecting to throw up again but all i did was empty my mouth. as i finished up behind the bush i handed the purse back to my friend and she handed me a bottle of water to rinse my mouth out and as i did the bus pulled away. after the ordeal we all fell about laughing at what just happened, me included, i was laughing so hard i thought it was time for round 2! then the reality of where we were hit. we were stuck in the middle of no where. we set out to go to that free festival and by god we were going to make it! the next bus wasn't for a good hour or 2 and i didn't fancy getting on another bus anyway.
it wasn't too bad in the end, we walked the rest of the way which was exhausting but fun. we stumbled on different places we didn't know existed on our way like a hemp field where we filled our pockets with leaves thinking if we dried and smoked enough with we could get a mild high. we couldn't. we eventually made it to the festival and enjoyed the rest of the day chilling out on the beach so in the end it was a good day. though any long future trips on public transport i'm definitely packing sick bags!
|
was sick on a bus but kept it in my mouth while trying to communicate with a fellow passenger
|
being sick on public transport
|
[
"i've had a good laugh at some stories on here so i",
"hope you all can get a kick out of this one.",
"this happened about 5-6 years ago.",
"on a hot summers day me and 2 friends decided to",
"head down to little free festival on the coast.",
"neither of us could drive back then so we took",
"the bus. the route usually isn't very long but",
"being a bus it obviously has to go round the",
"houses which made it just under 2 hours there. as",
"you can probably guess from the title i don't",
"travel well and coupled with the heat equalled to",
"a very unpleasant ride.",
"i board the bus and pay my fair, turn to get a",
"seat only to find the whole place packed with",
"people. obviously everyone has the same idea.",
"(i should say at this point i'm by myself since i",
"live further away than my 2 mates, they would be",
"getting on a bit nearer their stop).",
"luckily i spot the last empty seat right at the",
"back but it's one of those seats that faces",
"backwards. not ideal but i'm not standing for 2",
"hours! i squeeze past people sitting down to get",
"to the back, i then squeeze past a group of 15-16",
"year olds all sitting along the back row. the",
"seat is facing the back of the bus so i'm",
"basically face to face with a couple of them.",
"luckily it's a window seat so i just turn on my",
"music and stare out the window.",
"if any of you are like me you know that",
"travelling backwards is not pleasant when you're",
"easily travel sick, and i'm fully aware of this",
"sitting on the bus so i just try to take things",
"easy and focus on stuff outside. about 40 minutes",
"in and i'm feeling confident, no sick feeling",
"yet, if only i knew what was coming.",
"a few stops away from my mates house i start to",
"feel that all to familiar feeling. the mild",
"headache kicking in, the churning stomach, i knew",
"what was coming but i felt confident i could",
"fight it off. just focus on the outside. breathe",
"deeply. it doesn't help that the only windows on",
"the bus are these tiny little slits that barely",
"open right at the top. not good.",
"the stop comes and more people pile on including",
"my 2 friends. one takes the recently empty seat",
"next to me while the other stands, i offer the",
"seat but he declines. i joke with them about how",
"ill i'm feeling just to try and make light of the",
"situation and they both laugh.",
"a bit further in and i'm really feeling shit. i'm",
"no longer talking to them, just staring out the",
"window. survival mode activated.",
"i don't know about anyone else here but when",
"you're feeling that bad i find people talking to",
"you just makes things worse and that is exactly",
"what my friend next to me was doing. i can't even",
"remember what she was saying to me since i was",
"trying to focus on breathing but apparently she",
"was giving me tips on how to feel better. ha!",
"just over half way into the trip i feel it. it's",
"going to happen right here on the bus. it was",
"like a runaway train of vomit chugging its way up",
"my throat and i was powerless to do anything.",
"frantically looking around for a bag or anything",
"i could use, that's when i feel that warm chuncky",
"liquid rush into my mouth. my cheeks literally",
"expand with vomit, i look like a hamster storing",
"nuts in its mouth. i attempt to swollow it but",
"only manage a bit before i start to gag, i",
"couldn't risk a top up! i then started to gag at",
"the idea of holding sick in my mouth. i tried my",
"best to avoid thinking about it, i tried to focus",
"on getting off this bus and breathing in that",
"sweet sweet air. the teenagers sitting opposite",
"me clock what's going on and cover their mouths",
"and gasp, some look away and others giggle. oh my",
"god no. i couldn't see the colour of my face but",
"i would imagine it shone with the unique mix of",
"pale white and bright red. my mate turns to face",
"my bloated face but looks confused, maybe she",
"think's i'm just pissing about with her. her face",
"instantly drops when she realises what's",
"happening, she nudges my other friend and they're",
"both unsure what to do, fair enough, tbh i",
"wouldn't know what to do in that situation.",
"we ring the bell to get off and all i can do is",
"wait for the bus driver to pull over, those 2",
"minutes felt like 2 months in my mind but",
"thankfully we were close to the next bus stop.",
"the bus driver pulls over so my 2 friends go",
"ahead single file and i go to follow them when i",
"notice a purse on the seat my friend was sat on.",
"she hasn't noticed anything as she's making her",
"way through the people to the open doors of the",
"bus. thinking back it was obviously hers since it",
"wasn't there when she came to sit down but for",
"whatever reason i thought that it might have been",
"one of the teenage girls purses sitting opposite",
"me. i really don't know why i thought that but i",
"did, i didn't want to risk walking out with some",
"girls purse and getting accused of theft in that",
"situation. i pick the purse up and turn to show",
"my mate but she's walking away and i obviously",
"can't shout to ask her since i'm currently",
"holding an ungodly amount of sick in my mouth. i",
"turn to one of the girls with her hand covering",
"her mouth, shake the purse at her while making a",
"weird humming noise as if i'm asking a question.",
"she shakes her head and i turn to get out of",
"there quick!",
"once out i run towards a bush to spew up",
"properly. i reckon the whole bus was watching at",
"that point but i didn't care. funnily enough i",
"was expecting to throw up again but all i did was",
"empty my mouth. as i finished up behind the bush",
"i handed the purse back to my friend and she",
"handed me a bottle of water to rinse my mouth out",
"and as i did the bus pulled away. after the",
"ordeal we all fell about laughing at what just",
"happened, me included, i was laughing so hard i",
"thought it was time for round 2! then the reality",
"of where we were hit. we were stuck in the middle",
"of no where. we set out to go to that free",
"festival and by god we were going to make it! the",
"next bus wasn't for a good hour or 2 and i didn't",
"fancy getting on another bus anyway.",
"it wasn't too bad in the end, we walked the rest",
"of the way which was exhausting but fun. we",
"stumbled on different places we didn't know",
"existed on our way like a hemp field where we",
"filled our pockets with leaves thinking if we",
"dried and smoked enough with we could get a mild",
"high. we couldn't. we eventually made it to the",
"festival and enjoyed the rest of the day chilling",
"out on the beach so in the end it was a good day.",
"though any long future trips on public transport",
"i'm definitely packing sick bags!"
] |
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trying to focus on breathing but apparently she holding an ungodly amount of sick in my mouth. i
|
9 | 3 | 1 | 9 |
this happened many years ago, before the internet
i was a couple years out of high school and was offered a job as a contract security guard for a large company that made business machines for the international market, i will call them bmi
my friend's father, jerry, was a life long employee of bmi and currently oversaw several contracts including the security contract.
my friend even worked at one of the main buildings at the main security office. he create all the access badges for staff members.
i was hired instantly because of my personal contacts and began sitting in the lobby of one of their many buildings. i was more of a receptionist than actual security.
i made sure everyone had a badge and was escorted. i never even spoke with any real security personnel
the thing about this company was that they had had some very famous incidents where fired employees(or force ably retired employees) had come back and shot up the place.
one even drove through a building lobby.
this was many years ago, i know this is common today, but at that time there had only been a few incidents of this nature.
i was on the job for six months and i always rode into work with jerry, we worked at the same location.
my friend worked else where. i really got to know jerry, he was a quiet guy but he had a dark sense of humor.
with a fresh set of buyouts being offered by bmi, my friends father decided it was time to retire and he put in his papers.
on his last day he asked me to send him an email with a good bye note and he would include it in his binder, this was apparently a tradition at bmi and was actually kind of a nice request. so i sat around all morning coming up with the best material i could conceive and in the end i decided to create a fake memo.
i made it appears as if the head of security had originated a memo and addressed the security staff stating that there would be many people retiring over the next month and that we should be cautious as many don't want to go.
i filled a full page of comments like, "physical force may be used to escort retirees form the building. please check all baggage for badges, key cards, staplers and especially scissor which might be used to hurt themselves or others"
i cant remember any more, but it was not pretty.
i sent it to jerry and he called to say he loved it was laughed his ass off.
about two hours later my supervisor, tom, from the contract company came by my desk and grilled me about email usage, he was visibly upset and told me that he had been called into the head of security over my email to jerry.
they were pissed at the contract company as this was a sensitive issue, retirees becoming violent.
all i could think was how did the head of security see my email!!!!
jerry told me on the way home that as it was his last day he had forwarded all emails to his son so that he could print them out. my friend had simply left them sitting on the printer too long and since he worked in the security office...guess who found them first
so the last thing that jerry did on his last day after 30+ years at the company where he had met his wife, was to apologize repeatedly about my email and save my stupid worthless job.
a week later we were all called to the main office, rotated in shifts.
all contract personnel, not just the security staff, but loading dock, admin, secretaries.
all had to receive sensitivity training about how to treat staff and retirees.
this cost the contract company considerable amount in time that they could not bill bmi for, half a day's pay for 250 personnel
i was not fired because jerry took the blame, he asked for the email...he was a great guy. i did find myself as a "floater" not long after that, i went desk to desk covering during breaks. not sure if that was a promotion or demotion.
|
emailed a friend's father a fake email pretending to originate from the head of security and the head of security found it on a printer, hilarity ensued
|
emailing a fake memo to a retiring employee, nearly getting fired and causing the entire staff to receive sensitivity training
|
[
"this happened many years ago, before the internet",
" ",
"i was a couple years out of high school and was",
"offered a job as a contract security guard for a",
"large company that made business machines for the",
"international market, i will call them bmi",
" ",
"my friend's father, jerry, was a life long",
"employee of bmi and currently oversaw several",
"contracts including the security contract.",
"my friend even worked at one of the main",
"buildings at the main security office. he create",
"all the access badges for staff members.",
" ",
"i was hired instantly because of my personal",
"contacts and began sitting in the lobby of one of",
"their many buildings. i was more of a",
"receptionist than actual security.",
"i made sure everyone had a badge and was",
"escorted. i never even spoke with any real",
"security personnel",
" ",
"the thing about this company was that they had",
"had some very famous incidents where fired",
"employees(or force ably retired employees) had",
"come back and shot up the place.",
" ",
"one even drove through a building lobby.",
" ",
"this was many years ago, i know this is common",
"today, but at that time there had only been a few",
"incidents of this nature.",
" ",
"i was on the job for six months and i always rode",
"into work with jerry, we worked at the same",
"location.",
"my friend worked else where. i really got to know",
"jerry, he was a quiet guy but he had a dark sense",
"of humor.",
" ",
"with a fresh set of buyouts being offered by bmi,",
"my friends father decided it was time to retire",
"and he put in his papers.",
" ",
"on his last day he asked me to send him an email",
"with a good bye note and he would include it in",
"his binder, this was apparently a tradition at",
"bmi and was actually kind of a nice request. so i",
"sat around all morning coming up with the best",
"material i could conceive and in the end i",
"decided to create a fake memo.",
" ",
"i made it appears as if the head of security had",
"originated a memo and addressed the security",
"staff stating that there would be many people",
"retiring over the next month and that we should",
"be cautious as many don't want to go.",
"i filled a full page of comments like, \"physical",
"force may be used to escort retirees form the",
"building. please check all baggage for badges,",
"key cards, staplers and especially scissor which",
"might be used to hurt themselves or others\"",
"i cant remember any more, but it was not pretty.",
" ",
"i sent it to jerry and he called to say he loved",
"it was laughed his ass off.",
" ",
"about two hours later my supervisor, tom, from",
"the contract company came by my desk and grilled",
"me about email usage, he was visibly upset and",
"told me that he had been called into the head of",
"security over my email to jerry.",
" ",
"they were pissed at the contract company as this",
"was a sensitive issue, retirees becoming violent.",
" ",
"all i could think was how did the head of",
"security see my email!!!!",
" ",
"jerry told me on the way home that as it was his",
"last day he had forwarded all emails to his son",
"so that he could print them out. my friend had",
"simply left them sitting on the printer too long",
"and since he worked in the security",
"office...guess who found them first",
" ",
"so the last thing that jerry did on his last day",
"after 30+ years at the company where he had met",
"his wife, was to apologize repeatedly about my",
"email and save my stupid worthless job.",
" ",
"a week later we were all called to the main",
"office, rotated in shifts.",
"all contract personnel, not just the security",
"staff, but loading dock, admin, secretaries.",
"all had to receive sensitivity training about how",
"to treat staff and retirees.",
" ",
"this cost the contract company considerable",
"amount in time that they could not bill bmi for,",
"half a day's pay for 250 personnel",
" ",
"i was not fired because jerry took the blame, he",
"asked for the email...he was a great guy. i did",
"find myself as a \"floater\" not long after that, i",
"went desk to desk covering during breaks. not",
"sure if that was a promotion or demotion.",
" "
] |
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my friends father decided it was time to retire decided to create a fake memo. i made it appears as if the head of security had security see my email!!!!
|
64 | 20 | 0.77 | 64 |
this fu happened 2 days ago.
i took a picture that i wanted to post on /r/mildlyinteresting. i go on the subreddit, making sure that it doesn't break any of the posting rules, and submit the image. after hitting the submit button, the screen freezes and doesn't load the next page where i can see the posted image. the page gets stuck and everything suggests that the image didn't upload.
i then decide that if /r/mildlyinteresting doesn't load, i can post it on /r/oddlysatisfying. i go ahead and post it on their subreddit and it goes through without a problem and within the next couple of hours, i see the post climbing up the front page of r/oddysatisfying.
here's the fu... i left the tab where i was submitting to mildlyinteresting open, and i suppose after a while, it went through and posted on the other subreddit as well without me realizing it. however, one of the rules for posting on r/mildlyinteresting is that it cannot be a report or x-post... which this has become, since i posted on oddysatisfying as well.
fast forward the next morning when i log on to reddit and i get a [message](http://imgur.com/gupyonx) saying that my account is permanently suspended from reddit... :(
i am assuming my post on mildlyinteresting is what did it, but the message i got stated that it was suspended due to a possible compromise because i did not have an email linked to it. i've since then added an email, verified it, send reddit an email and message asking why the suspension, but no reply as of yet.
rip 60k karma
edit: added screenshot of message received.
|
posted on r/mildlyinteresting, screen froze and didn't post. posted on r/oddysatisfying, posted without problem. later found out the first post also went though, and counted as a report/x-post which is not allowed. account permanently suspended.
|
posting on /r/oddlysatisfying and getting my account permanently suspended
|
[
"this fu happened 2 days ago.",
"i took a picture that i wanted to post on",
"/r/mildlyinteresting. i go on the subreddit,",
"making sure that it doesn't break any of the",
"posting rules, and submit the image. after",
"hitting the submit button, the screen freezes and",
"doesn't load the next page where i can see the",
"posted image. the page gets stuck and everything",
"suggests that the image didn't upload.",
"i then decide that if /r/mildlyinteresting",
"doesn't load, i can post it on",
"/r/oddlysatisfying. i go ahead and post it on",
"their subreddit and it goes through without a",
"problem and within the next couple of hours, i",
"see the post climbing up the front page of",
"r/oddysatisfying.",
"here's the fu... i left the tab where i was",
"submitting to mildlyinteresting open, and i",
"suppose after a while, it went through and posted",
"on the other subreddit as well without me",
"realizing it. however, one of the rules for",
"posting on r/mildlyinteresting is that it cannot",
"be a report or x-post... which this has become,",
"since i posted on oddysatisfying as well.",
"fast forward the next morning when i log on to",
"reddit and i get a",
"[message](http://imgur.com/gupyonx) saying that",
"my account is permanently suspended from",
"reddit... :(",
"i am assuming my post on mildlyinteresting is",
"what did it, but the message i got stated that it",
"was suspended due to a possible compromise",
"because i did not have an email linked to it.",
"i've since then added an email, verified it, send",
"reddit an email and message asking why the",
"suspension, but no reply as of yet.",
"rip 60k karma",
"edit: added screenshot of message received."
] |
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suggests that the image didn't upload. their subreddit and it goes through without a r/oddysatisfying. posting on r/mildlyinteresting is that it cannot since i posted on oddysatisfying as well. my account is permanently suspended from
|
7 | 9 | 0.81 | 7 |
this fuck up was about an hour ago. today is my birthday and two days ago i bought a blue snowball mic for myself. i mainly bought just so i can talk to my friends on skype without using a shitty 5 dollar mic. i got the confirmation that the mic arrived today so, i looked around my house but i could not find the package. i checked the confirmation again and realized that it was delivered to my sister who is living in pittsburgh. which is a 6+ hour drive from where i am currently living. she is also flying out of the country on wednesday so i will have to beg her to go to the post office and send it back to my house. if she doesn't i will have to wait until she visits home which can be many months away. so i guess, happy birthday to me?
|
i send my birthday present to my sister in pittsburgh who lives 6+ hours away.
|
sending my birthday present to the wrong address
|
[
"this fuck up was about an hour ago. today is my",
"birthday and two days ago i bought a blue",
"snowball mic for myself. i mainly bought just so",
"i can talk to my friends on skype without using a",
"shitty 5 dollar mic. i got the confirmation that",
"the mic arrived today so, i looked around my",
"house but i could not find the package. i checked",
"the confirmation again and realized that it was",
"delivered to my sister who is living in",
"pittsburgh. which is a 6+ hour drive from where i",
"am currently living. she is also flying out of",
"the country on wednesday so i will have to beg",
"her to go to the post office and send it back to",
"my house. if she doesn't i will have to wait",
"until she visits home which can be many months",
"away. so i guess, happy birthday to me?"
] |
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] |
delivered to my sister who is living in away. so i guess, happy birthday to me?
|
50 | 15 | 0.89 | 50 |
happened about 3 years ago. i was 19.
i was at one of my friend's house, having a good time partying, we were all drunk, when we decided to play truth and dare. when my turn came, i went for the truth. so at that time, i had went out with a girl i was really into, a couple of times. let's call her sarah. it was nothing too much from her side, but i was really into her. so, in the game, i was asked about my sexual fantasies with her. i was a dumb guy, plus drunk as well. i just blurted out things about 69ing her and all that shit. i know you guys are gonna say, that's fucking creepy, and i agree. unknown to me, apparently one of the guys, let's call him richard, was recording this on his phone.
anyway, so that happened, and i forgot all about it, and went on with my life. sarah said it was not working, i understood, and we pretty much stop talking afterwards.
anyway, so today morning, i woke up to hundreds of notifications on my phone. turns out richard had posted that video on facebook, because of some falling out we had recently had. people were calling me a creep and all that. i am too embarrassed to read through all the comments/text sarah.
fuck you, dick.
edit: my current gf doesn't think it's creepy at all and she's okay with that, so i've got that going for me.
|
blurted out my sexual fantasies to a camera 3 years ago. video gets posted on fb. kill me plz.
|
blurting out my fantasies about a girl to a camera
|
[
"happened about 3 years ago. i was 19.",
"i was at one of my friend's house, having a good",
"time partying, we were all drunk, when we decided",
"to play truth and dare. when my turn came, i went",
"for the truth. so at that time, i had went out",
"with a girl i was really into, a couple of times.",
"let's call her sarah. it was nothing too much",
"from her side, but i was really into her. so, in",
"the game, i was asked about my sexual fantasies",
"with her. i was a dumb guy, plus drunk as well. i",
"just blurted out things about 69ing her and all",
"that shit. i know you guys are gonna say, that's",
"fucking creepy, and i agree. unknown to me,",
"apparently one of the guys, let's call him",
"richard, was recording this on his phone.",
"anyway, so that happened, and i forgot all about",
"it, and went on with my life. sarah said it was",
"not working, i understood, and we pretty much",
"stop talking afterwards.",
"anyway, so today morning, i woke up to hundreds",
"of notifications on my phone. turns out richard",
"had posted that video on facebook, because of",
"some falling out we had recently had. people were",
"calling me a creep and all that. i am too",
"embarrassed to read through all the comments/text",
"sarah.",
"fuck you, dick.",
"edit: my current gf doesn't think it's creepy at",
"all and she's okay with that, so i've got that",
"going for me."
] |
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happened about 3 years ago. i was 19. the game, i was asked about my sexual fantasies
|
9 | 2 | 0.82 | 9 |
my first fu ever on this sub, this happened just a few minutes ago, and what a wake-up call i had.
i have terrible computer anxiety, i worry about getting nasty shit in my computer. so i'd always be prowling across my task manager from time to time to make sure nothing weird is going down. it's a bad habit i've had for a couple years and while most of my anxiety has gone away for it, i still worry about a few things. *thanks for the anxiety high school...*
i've recently been really into s.t.a.l.k.e.r. call of pripyat, i've watched hours of videos where people play modded and i thought that would be so cool to have. i bought the game earlier this week and decided i'd muster up the courage and go get some mods. so i start playing this game for an hour and am loving every minute of it when i have to get off and check some other shit on my pc. while i was doing my other tasks, i figured i should restart my pc and let it refresh after not being restarted for a couple of weeks. i sit back and mess around on breath of the wild for a bit. when my pc's all ready to go i decided to check task manager because steam likes to hang up rarely. here's where the fu happens, right about now. i go under the "users" tab in task manager to check the processes that i'm running, i only notice 16 of the normal 18 i see. i lose my fucking mind and immediately feel my heart pounding. *did i just...fuck my computer up with mods?* i thought as i panicked, ready to pull my bedhead hair apart to the roots. i quickly shut down my computer and turn it on again, thinking that the two processes probably will show up on next boot. nope, still nothing, i'm panicking even worse now and i scramble through my hard drive to purge my stalker mod files and the game itself through steam. **but**, i realized my anxiety over my computer was about to be tamed. i click on my nvidia geforce experience to let it update while i sort out this mess i presumably fell in.
suddenly, geforce experience errors while it installs some update and it kills itself, *literally*. geforce experience **disappeared** off my computer when i did that restart. it took my tired self a few minutes of looking at task manager again to realize the gravity of what transpired. *those two processes were nvidia geforce experience processes*. with a sigh of relief i'm glad i didn't fu up my computer, but i nearly was about to have avast! scan every nook and cranny of my computer while i think that i'd have to reinstall windows again...*i really shouldn't do this shit when i've gotten little sleep...* as for what i've been told on the s.t.a.l.k.e.r. subreddit mods are completely fine and are screened on the mod site. i really gotta stop worrying about my computer so much...*i think it's time to go back to sleep...* i still worry why geforce experience just did that, it was some runtime error popup that resulted in the entire geforce experience going: "peace out ima disappear". hopefully later in the week i can come back to this and have a good laugh about it.
edit: ok so now that i got some coffee in my system i got myself together and searched up this problem with geforce experience being dumb, and apparently it happens to a lot of people, the power of reddit goes a long way. time to give stalker another shot! ^after^more*coffeeeeeeeee
edit 2: forgot to mention there was a process called **cft loader** running when i was playing stalker. i'm not sure why it was but a lot of people online claim it can be malicious and in disguise. i haven't noticed it when i booted again. i had the mods: atmosfear 3, absolute nature 3 and arsenal overhaul 3.1. i'm not sure if something caused that to make that process open, i don't have any office software on my pc, any it tech guys that happen on this, care to explain and should i have to run a scan through avast?
edit 3: asked one of my it friends about the whole thing, checked my pc out and said everything was fine. now to relax and playing more botw!
|
thought that installing some s.t.a.l.k.e.r. mods fucked my pc up, restarted, saw some processes missing, realized nvidia geforce experience killed itself forever when i did this restart and tried to update drivers.
|
thinking my computer was done for
|
[
"my first fu ever on this sub, this happened just a",
"few minutes ago, and what a wake-up call i had.",
"i have terrible computer anxiety, i worry about",
"getting nasty shit in my computer. so i'd always",
"be prowling across my task manager from time to",
"time to make sure nothing weird is going down.",
"it's a bad habit i've had for a couple years and",
"while most of my anxiety has gone away for it, i",
"still worry about a few things. *thanks for the",
"anxiety high school...*",
"i've recently been really into s.t.a.l.k.e.r.",
"call of pripyat, i've watched hours of videos",
"where people play modded and i thought that would",
"be so cool to have. i bought the game earlier",
"this week and decided i'd muster up the courage",
"and go get some mods. so i start playing this",
"game for an hour and am loving every minute of it",
"when i have to get off and check some other shit",
"on my pc. while i was doing my other tasks, i",
"figured i should restart my pc and let it refresh",
"after not being restarted for a couple of weeks.",
"i sit back and mess around on breath of the wild",
"for a bit. when my pc's all ready to go i decided",
"to check task manager because steam likes to hang",
"up rarely. here's where the fu happens, right",
"about now. i go under the \"users\" tab in task",
"manager to check the processes that i'm running,",
"i only notice 16 of the normal 18 i see. i lose",
"my fucking mind and immediately feel my heart",
"pounding. *did i just...fuck my computer up with",
"mods?* i thought as i panicked, ready to pull my",
"bedhead hair apart to the roots. i quickly shut",
"down my computer and turn it on again, thinking",
"that the two processes probably will show up on",
"next boot. nope, still nothing, i'm panicking",
"even worse now and i scramble through my hard",
"drive to purge my stalker mod files and the game",
"itself through steam. **but**, i realized my",
"anxiety over my computer was about to be tamed. i",
"click on my nvidia geforce experience to let it",
"update while i sort out this mess i presumably",
"fell in.",
"suddenly, geforce experience errors while it",
"installs some update and it kills itself,",
"*literally*. geforce experience **disappeared**",
"off my computer when i did that restart. it took",
"my tired self a few minutes of looking at task",
"manager again to realize the gravity of what",
"transpired. *those two processes were nvidia",
"geforce experience processes*. with a sigh of",
"relief i'm glad i didn't fu up my computer, but i",
"nearly was about to have avast! scan every nook",
"and cranny of my computer while i think that i'd",
"have to reinstall windows again...*i really",
"shouldn't do this shit when i've gotten little",
"sleep...* as for what i've been told on the",
"s.t.a.l.k.e.r. subreddit mods are completely fine",
"and are screened on the mod site. i really gotta",
"stop worrying about my computer so much...*i",
"think it's time to go back to sleep...* i still",
"worry why geforce experience just did that, it",
"was some runtime error popup that resulted in the",
"entire geforce experience going: \"peace out ima",
"disappear\". hopefully later in the week i can",
"come back to this and have a good laugh about it.",
"edit: ok so now that i got some coffee in my",
"system i got myself together and searched up this",
"problem with geforce experience being dumb, and",
"apparently it happens to a lot of people, the",
"power of reddit goes a long way. time to give",
"stalker another shot! ^after^more*coffeeeeeeeee",
"edit 2: forgot to mention there was a process",
"called **cft loader** running when i was playing",
"stalker. i'm not sure why it was but a lot of",
"people online claim it can be malicious and in",
"disguise. i haven't noticed it when i booted",
"again. i had the mods: atmosfear 3, absolute",
"nature 3 and arsenal overhaul 3.1. i'm not sure",
"if something caused that to make that process",
"open, i don't have any office software on my pc,",
"any it tech guys that happen on this, care to",
"explain and should i have to run a scan through",
"avast?",
"edit 3: asked one of my it friends about the",
"whole thing, checked my pc out and said",
"everything was fine. now to relax and playing",
"more botw!"
] |
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figured i should restart my pc and let it refresh click on my nvidia geforce experience to let it installs some update and it kills itself, off my computer when i did that restart. it took s.t.a.l.k.e.r. subreddit mods are completely fine
|
5 | 6 | 0.61 | 5 |
okay, this happened today + obligatory throw away.
let me set the scene, class has a word cloud for certain poll questions and they'll pop up the response from students anonymously. yes, yes, i know what you're thinking, student responses? anonymously? bingo for edgy trolls right.
that's exactly what i thought ):
so she asks a question that goes along the lines of "what can be the result of anxiety?"
everyone starts pumping their answers, some legitimate, few soft trolls, some "not studying for a test tomorrow" or a "hannah baker" here and there.
so this is where the tifu happened, edgy me quickly snap up the phone and smash in rape. i hit send, its anonymous, what really could happen?
shit hits the fan, everyone freezes, rape is exploded across the board. the lecturer stops and does a huge speech on how inappropriate it is.
worse is people start looking at me and are like is that you? i literally deflect it all and say i wrote another response, everyone is saying how ridiculously far that troll took it.
it was me but no one will know.
staff promptly sent an email out mentioning it triggered people and if affected or experiencing a situation should seek help.
edit: word
|
wrote rape on an online board anonymously, class hates me and staff are worried. no one knows but boy did i get sweaty.
|
writing rape
|
[
"okay, this happened today + obligatory throw away.",
"let me set the scene, class has a word cloud for",
"certain poll questions and they'll pop up the",
"response from students anonymously. yes, yes, i",
"know what you're thinking, student responses?",
"anonymously? bingo for edgy trolls right.",
"that's exactly what i thought ):",
"so she asks a question that goes along the lines",
"of \"what can be the result of anxiety?\"",
"everyone starts pumping their answers, some",
"legitimate, few soft trolls, some \"not studying",
"for a test tomorrow\" or a \"hannah baker\" here and",
"there.",
"so this is where the tifu happened, edgy me",
"quickly snap up the phone and smash in rape. i",
"hit send, its anonymous, what really could",
"happen?",
"shit hits the fan, everyone freezes, rape is",
"exploded across the board. the lecturer stops and",
"does a huge speech on how inappropriate it is.",
"worse is people start looking at me and are like",
"is that you? i literally deflect it all and say i",
"wrote another response, everyone is saying how",
"ridiculously far that troll took it.",
"it was me but no one will know.",
"staff promptly sent an email out mentioning it",
"triggered people and if affected or experiencing",
"a situation should seek help.",
"edit: word"
] |
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response from students anonymously. yes, yes, i worse is people start looking at me and are like it was me but no one will know.
|
1 | 0 | 1 | 1 |
this happened last night, i made a flash visit to my hometown to be in my best friends wedding on saturday in the afternoon. since they live literally by the airport, i wasn't carrying documented luggage and i already had had my check in, i figured i could arrive very close to departure time. big fucking mistake because i didn't count with that horrendous traffic in the driveway between terminal 1 and terminal 2 (flight had to be taken on terminal 2) that shit delayed us enough time to arrive when the aircraft was already closed. i had to purchase a new ticket for today that it is much more expensive. this one way ticket is two times more expensive than the round trip and in a shittier airline also is a connection flight so i’m here in the connection airport waiting for my next flight. i'm going to arrive late at my job and lose money in the process.
the moral of this is never bet against time.
|
lost flight, had to buy new more expensive ticket, gonna be late for work. i’m a moron.
|
missing a flight
|
[
"this happened last night, i made a flash visit to",
"my hometown to be in my best friends wedding on",
"saturday in the afternoon. since they live",
"literally by the airport, i wasn't carrying",
"documented luggage and i already had had my check",
"in, i figured i could arrive very close to",
"departure time. big fucking mistake because i",
"didn't count with that horrendous traffic in the",
"driveway between terminal 1 and terminal 2",
"(flight had to be taken on terminal 2) that shit",
"delayed us enough time to arrive when the",
"aircraft was already closed. i had to purchase a",
"new ticket for today that it is much more",
"expensive. this one way ticket is two times more",
"expensive than the round trip and in a shittier",
"airline also is a connection flight so i’m here",
"in the connection airport waiting for my next",
"flight. i'm going to arrive late at my job and",
"lose money in the process.",
"the moral of this is never bet against time."
] |
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(flight had to be taken on terminal 2) that shit new ticket for today that it is much more
|
3 | 4 | 0.81 | 3 |
it actually happend 2 years ago when i was in the first year of my apprenticeship. it was a normal day after work, on the way home i met a good old stoner friend. as always he is stoned and wanted to smoke some more. i asked to join and got stoned. even tho i know how much i can take, this was alot stronger than usual (ak47). i went home after that. it hit me so hard i had to lay in bed for a while. it felt really bad and i almost puked because of everything spinning in my head.
suddenly my dad came into my room "why are you still here, you have to go to the french private tutoring". (i had to learn french since you have to in switzerland and i am from germany with 0 experience in that language) anyways i told my dad im not feeling good and i cant go, did not want to tell him im stoned obviously. he forced me to go starting to get angry.
bad idea, but i told him the truth, that i was stoned. he was getting even more angry and said he could drive me there.
now i am sitting in his car, high as fuck. when we arrived it was hard to get up the stairs but i made it eventually. tried to be cool and not look stoned. the teacher welcomed me and said something along the lines that she will read something on french and i have to sum it up at the end.
she was reading about 5 minutes but it felt like 2 hours at that time and i did not understand a single word she was saying. i told her, that i had no idea what she was saying. at the end, she said: "ok thats it, leave and come back when you are willing to learn" she also called my dad about it.
so my dad was angry with me, i felt like shit, i fucked up the expensive french lesson and almost puked.
*also sorry for my bad english and repetitive phrases*
|
smoked pot but had a french lesson afterwards. dad and teacher was getting angry. i felt like shit and almost puked.
|
getting stoned at the wrong time
|
[
"it actually happend 2 years ago when i was in the",
"first year of my apprenticeship. it was a normal",
"day after work, on the way home i met a good old",
"stoner friend. as always he is stoned and wanted",
"to smoke some more. i asked to join and got",
"stoned. even tho i know how much i can take, this",
"was alot stronger than usual (ak47). i went home",
"after that. it hit me so hard i had to lay in bed",
"for a while. it felt really bad and i almost",
"puked because of everything spinning in my head.",
"suddenly my dad came into my room \"why are you",
"still here, you have to go to the french private",
"tutoring\". (i had to learn french since you have",
"to in switzerland and i am from germany with 0",
"experience in that language) anyways i told my",
"dad im not feeling good and i cant go, did not",
"want to tell him im stoned obviously. he forced",
"me to go starting to get angry.",
"bad idea, but i told him the truth, that i was",
"stoned. he was getting even more angry and said",
"he could drive me there.",
"now i am sitting in his car, high as fuck. when",
"we arrived it was hard to get up the stairs but i",
"made it eventually. tried to be cool and not look",
"stoned. the teacher welcomed me and said",
"something along the lines that she will read",
"something on french and i have to sum it up at",
"the end.",
"she was reading about 5 minutes but it felt like",
"2 hours at that time and i did not understand a",
"single word she was saying. i told her, that i",
"had no idea what she was saying. at the end, she",
"said: \"ok thats it, leave and come back when you",
"are willing to learn\" she also called my dad",
"about it.",
"so my dad was angry with me, i felt like shit, i",
"fucked up the expensive french lesson and almost",
"puked.",
"*also sorry for my bad english and repetitive",
"phrases*"
] |
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so my dad was angry with me, i felt like shit, i fucked up the expensive french lesson and almost puked.
|
40 | 29 | 0.87 | 40 |
this just happened. i work about an hour away from home, and i was almost to work when my wife calls. she is livid. we have a toddler and we only have one car seat, but we drive separate cars to work. she takes our son and drops him off at the day care on her way to work, and after driving my car all weekend, i forgot to take out the car seat and return it to her car last night, which leaves her stranded at home.
she has called my mom to come and pick our son up so she can go to work, but she is going to be quite late and things haven't been going so well at her work lately. she has been late a couple times recently and her boss has apparently not been in a good mood. she could potentially get fired, although i tried to tell her it's pretty unlikely. the irony is that before i left home this morning, i was complaining that she was going to make me late for work...
|
i left for work with our only car seat and left my wife and kid stranded at home until help arrives and making her super late to work.
|
going to work with our only car seat and now my wife could be fired
|
[
"this just happened. i work about an hour away from",
"home, and i was almost to work when my wife",
"calls. she is livid. we have a toddler and we",
"only have one car seat, but we drive separate",
"cars to work. she takes our son and drops him off",
"at the day care on her way to work, and after",
"driving my car all weekend, i forgot to take out",
"the car seat and return it to her car last night,",
"which leaves her stranded at home.",
"she has called my mom to come and pick our son up",
"so she can go to work, but she is going to be",
"quite late and things haven't been going so well",
"at her work lately. she has been late a couple",
"times recently and her boss has apparently not",
"been in a good mood. she could potentially get",
"fired, although i tried to tell her it's pretty",
"unlikely. the irony is that before i left home",
"this morning, i was complaining that she was",
"going to make me late for work..."
] |
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home, and i was almost to work when my wife which leaves her stranded at home. going to make me late for work...
|
29 | 22 | 0.84 | 29 |
in order to get the whole picture, it'd be better if i start from square one. square one being in the middle of religion class during a lesson about islam.
be me: typical white male with asperger's syndrome. politically incorrect and likes making lots of somewhat offensive jokes. due to motor control problems i have to type my notes on a tablet instead of writing down by hand.
so, during religion, we listed up the basic religions and had to guess how many people of each religion exist. once islam came around, i answered the question "how many muslims are there" with "too many"and didn't give it a second thought.
that's where the shitstorm starts.
for some reason, the teacher for the following period did not appear, so we were unsupervised. i was minding my own business, blocking everyone out like i usually do, before about 5 other students wanted to ask me why i did such a "racist, insensitive and politically incorrect joke". i wanted to have a civil conversation about it but it rapidly turned into a hurricane of insults directed towards me, mainly about my asperger's (i am so far the first neurodivergent person to have entered that school), my extreme clumsiness and my weakness (in addition to my mental problems, i also have a slight muscle weakness.)
i didn't pay too much mind to it, but after a while i got annoyed, so i apologized and everyone decided that matters were over.
except that they weren't. for some reason they dug it back up several months later, throwing mean and insulting comments at me whenever they could, complaining to the teacher about me typing loudly, and here comes the bug fish: screaming in the locker rooms.
as an aspie, i absolutely despise loud noises, they are a massive drain on my mental strength and can often cause me to curl up and sometimes completely lose control of myself. and they knew that i hated it.
that went on for several months, up until the final few weeks which were already stressful due to all the exams. so one day, during the screaming part in the locker rooms, i politely asked them to stop screaming, but they simply replied in an even louder volume that they'll do whatever they want to do.
so i snapped and i lost it. i lunged forward and shouted at the top of my lungs: "people like you are the reason school shooters exist!". before collapsing on the floor and breaking up crying.
cue several days later, one of the school's psychologists called me into her office to ask me a couple of questions. gun related questions (i live in luxembourg which has insanely strict gun laws). she asked me whether i owned a gun, play violent video games and whether i've ever planned to go do a public shooting, to which i of course responded "no." she then asked me why i always wear the same pants (the pants in question are long baggy ones with a grey/white and purple camp pattern. they're also very comfortable.).
after going home, my mother received a phone call from the psycohologist who claimed that i was a potential school shooter and that she would write it down in my file, which would essentially ruin any chances of getting anywhere in life.
the problem was eventually solved, but that's mainly personal or complicated stuff.
ps: this is my first time posting here, so sorry if it's weirdly written.
|
i get harassed for almost half of the entire school year without anyone batting an eye, eventually end up lashing out at the offenders, get called into the psychologist's office and she classifies me as a potential school shooter (muh possible violent behavior). threatens to put it into my file before parents intervene.
|
almost getting expelled from school for losing control during harassment and shouting at the harassers
|
[
"in order to get the whole picture, it'd be better",
"if i start from square one. square one being in",
"the middle of religion class during a lesson",
"about islam.",
"be me: typical white male with asperger's",
"syndrome. politically incorrect and likes making",
"lots of somewhat offensive jokes. due to motor",
"control problems i have to type my notes on a",
"tablet instead of writing down by hand.",
"so, during religion, we listed up the basic",
"religions and had to guess how many people of",
"each religion exist. once islam came around, i",
"answered the question \"how many muslims are",
"there\" with \"too many\"and didn't give it a second",
"thought.",
"that's where the shitstorm starts.",
"for some reason, the teacher for the following",
"period did not appear, so we were unsupervised. i",
"was minding my own business, blocking everyone",
"out like i usually do, before about 5 other",
"students wanted to ask me why i did such a",
"\"racist, insensitive and politically incorrect",
"joke\". i wanted to have a civil conversation",
"about it but it rapidly turned into a hurricane",
"of insults directed towards me, mainly about my",
"asperger's (i am so far the first neurodivergent",
"person to have entered that school), my extreme",
"clumsiness and my weakness (in addition to my",
"mental problems, i also have a slight muscle",
"weakness.)",
"i didn't pay too much mind to it, but after a",
"while i got annoyed, so i apologized and everyone",
"decided that matters were over.",
"except that they weren't. for some reason they",
"dug it back up several months later, throwing",
"mean and insulting comments at me whenever they",
"could, complaining to the teacher about me typing",
"loudly, and here comes the bug fish: screaming in",
"the locker rooms.",
"as an aspie, i absolutely despise loud noises,",
"they are a massive drain on my mental strength",
"and can often cause me to curl up and sometimes",
"completely lose control of myself. and they knew",
"that i hated it.",
"that went on for several months, up until the",
"final few weeks which were already stressful due",
"to all the exams. so one day, during the",
"screaming part in the locker rooms, i politely",
"asked them to stop screaming, but they simply",
"replied in an even louder volume that they'll do",
"whatever they want to do.",
"so i snapped and i lost it. i lunged forward and",
"shouted at the top of my lungs: \"people like you",
"are the reason school shooters exist!\". before",
"collapsing on the floor and breaking up crying.",
"cue several days later, one of the school's",
"psychologists called me into her office to ask me",
"a couple of questions. gun related questions (i",
"live in luxembourg which has insanely strict gun",
"laws). she asked me whether i owned a gun, play",
"violent video games and whether i've ever planned",
"to go do a public shooting, to which i of course",
"responded \"no.\" she then asked me why i always",
"wear the same pants (the pants in question are",
"long baggy ones with a grey/white and purple camp",
"pattern. they're also very comfortable.).",
"after going home, my mother received a phone call",
"from the psycohologist who claimed that i was a",
"potential school shooter and that she would write",
"it down in my file, which would essentially ruin",
"any chances of getting anywhere in life.",
"the problem was eventually solved, but that's",
"mainly personal or complicated stuff.",
"ps: this is my first time posting here, so sorry",
"if it's weirdly written."
] |
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out like i usually do, before about 5 other as an aspie, i absolutely despise loud noises, that went on for several months, up until the shouted at the top of my lungs: "people like you psychologists called me into her office to ask me potential school shooter and that she would write it down in my file, which would essentially ruin
|
471 | 27 | 0.94 | 471 |
mandatory throwaway and this happened a few years back.
so there's this popular radio show in my country. they have a love / sex advice portion, most of their callers are wives complaining about their cheating husbands, guys who think their dicks are too small and the occasional celebrity's kid looking to damage their parents' reputation. it's all anonymous and they don't do anything to verify the stories but people still eat it up.
anyway, i was taking acting/drama classes at the time and a friend told me that one good way to practice was to do prank calls. make a character, give him a backstory then pick up the telephone and go wild. so i got this idea to prank one of my colleagues. i would call this radio show and pretend to be him.
i would introduce myself as emerson (not his real name). emerson was a hardworking man with a loving wife and a healthy, 4 year old son. he cared for both of them dearly but there was one problem. emerson was gay. this was something he had been in denial of all his life, going so far as to marry someone just to prove that he was a man. it wasn't easy. every intimate moment was a challenge for him and having a kid was literally a miracle. they stopped having sex soon after.
now at the climax of my performance, i began to wail and confess that this call was emerson's official coming out. he had never told anyone prior to this call and while he wanted so much to admit who he really was, he did not want to abandon his wife and kid. he tried to keep up the ruse but suffered a mental breakdown the last year. radio host goes to give advice about how it wasn't fair to his wife, but it didn't mean he would stop being a father to his son.
now, the real emerson wasn't gay. but he did have a wife and child. and while i didn't use his real name, i practically impersonated him. i imitated his voice, his mannerisms, his accent etc. it was a believable performance, enough to convince his wife who just so happened to be listening to the program! she was furious, and emerson came home that night to find all his stuff scattered outside his house.
i was wracked with guilt at this point. i was about to cause two people to divorce and a kid to grow up in a broken family. i had to tell them the truth. i met emerson a few nights later, accompanied him to their house, knocked on the door and told them everything. his wife wouldn't believe it at first until i started to impersonate him. they were both pissed. the wife said that i almost destroyed a family. they kicked me out and i was told that i was no longer welcome to be apart of their lives.
i met emerson at the office the next day. he told me everything was cool. he was still pissed, but all that ended with him having the best sex of his life that night. he even told me a few weeks later that their relationship actually improved since the phone call so i guess all was well. he also got back at me by calling the same radio show, using my name and proclaiming on live radio that i had a small penis.
|
pretended to be my friend and confessed on live radio that he was gay, almost causing him and his wife to divorce.
|
almost causing a husband and wife to divorce
|
[
"mandatory throwaway and this happened a few years",
"back.",
"so there's this popular radio show in my country.",
"they have a love / sex advice portion, most of",
"their callers are wives complaining about their",
"cheating husbands, guys who think their dicks are",
"too small and the occasional celebrity's kid",
"looking to damage their parents' reputation. it's",
"all anonymous and they don't do anything to",
"verify the stories but people still eat it up.",
"anyway, i was taking acting/drama classes at the",
"time and a friend told me that one good way to",
"practice was to do prank calls. make a",
"character, give him a backstory then pick up the",
"telephone and go wild. so i got this idea to",
"prank one of my colleagues. i would call this",
"radio show and pretend to be him.",
"i would introduce myself as emerson (not his real",
"name). emerson was a hardworking man with a",
"loving wife and a healthy, 4 year old son. he",
"cared for both of them dearly but there was one",
"problem. emerson was gay. this was something he",
"had been in denial of all his life, going so far",
"as to marry someone just to prove that he was a",
"man. it wasn't easy. every intimate moment was",
"a challenge for him and having a kid was",
"literally a miracle. they stopped having sex",
"soon after.",
"now at the climax of my performance, i began to",
"wail and confess that this call was emerson's",
"official coming out. he had never told anyone",
"prior to this call and while he wanted so much to",
"admit who he really was, he did not want to",
"abandon his wife and kid. he tried to keep up",
"the ruse but suffered a mental breakdown the last",
"year. radio host goes to give advice about how",
"it wasn't fair to his wife, but it didn't mean he",
"would stop being a father to his son.",
"now, the real emerson wasn't gay. but he did",
"have a wife and child. and while i didn't use",
"his real name, i practically impersonated him. i",
"imitated his voice, his mannerisms, his accent",
"etc. it was a believable performance, enough to",
"convince his wife who just so happened to be",
"listening to the program! she was furious, and",
"emerson came home that night to find all his",
"stuff scattered outside his house.",
"i was wracked with guilt at this point. i was",
"about to cause two people to divorce and a kid to",
"grow up in a broken family. i had to tell them",
"the truth. i met emerson a few nights later,",
"accompanied him to their house, knocked on the",
"door and told them everything. his wife wouldn't",
"believe it at first until i started to",
"impersonate him. they were both pissed. the",
"wife said that i almost destroyed a family. they",
"kicked me out and i was told that i was no longer",
"welcome to be apart of their lives.",
"i met emerson at the office the next day. he",
"told me everything was cool. he was still",
"pissed, but all that ended with him having the",
"best sex of his life that night. he even told me",
"a few weeks later that their relationship",
"actually improved since the phone call so i guess",
"all was well. he also got back at me by calling",
"the same radio show, using my name and",
"proclaiming on live radio that i had a small",
"penis."
] |
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radio show and pretend to be him. problem. emerson was gay. this was something he proclaiming on live radio that i had a small
|
65 | 12 | 0.95 | 65 |
this actually happened just 18 hours ago. first, to help you understand me well i have to point out that i live in algeria, a country in the north of africa with a fucked up government & society. i went to algiers, the capital city, where i had some things to do at the malaysian embassy. being 5 hours early, i didn't know what to do or where else to go so i sat near an unfinished building that was in front of the embassy. it didn’t take long before i became bored af, that’s why i started walking around and taking pictures of myself and the area, sooner after that and when i was answering a call … suddenly and out of nowhere some policemen appeared in front of me and took both my phone and my identity card. they told me that it's absolutely prohibited to take pics of embassies or official building or anything related to the government (of course i didn't know that + there's not any warning sign next to it)
they thought that the call i had, which was with my father btw, was me plotting some terrorist attack or whatever … they were even going to take me to the police station for further investigation (as a terrorism suspect) … they called their chief to decide
in the end, the chief was actually was a nice person,he let me go after deleting all the pictures but the experience was really terrifying … welcome to a police state.
|
police officers thought that i am a terrorist who was preparing for attacking the embassy
|
trying to take a picture of an embassy
|
[
"this actually happened just 18 hours ago. first,",
"to help you understand me well i have to point",
"out that i live in algeria, a country in the",
"north of africa with a fucked up government &",
"society. i went to algiers, the capital city,",
"where i had some things to do at the malaysian",
"embassy. being 5 hours early, i didn't know what",
"to do or where else to go so i sat near an",
"unfinished building that was in front of the",
"embassy. it didn’t take long before i became",
"bored af, that’s why i started walking around and",
"taking pictures of myself and the area, sooner",
"after that and when i was answering a call …",
"suddenly and out of nowhere some policemen",
"appeared in front of me and took both my phone",
"and my identity card. they told me that it's",
"absolutely prohibited to take pics of embassies",
"or official building or anything related to the",
"government (of course i didn't know that +",
"there's not any warning sign next to it)",
"they thought that the call i had, which was with",
"my father btw, was me plotting some terrorist",
"attack or whatever … they were even going to take",
"me to the police station for further",
"investigation (as a terrorism suspect) … they",
"called their chief to decide",
"in the end, the chief was actually was a nice",
"person,he let me go after deleting all the",
"pictures but the experience was really terrifying",
"… welcome to a police state."
] |
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] |
they thought that the call i had, which was with … welcome to a police state.
|
91 | 27 | 0.77 | 91 |
before i delve into this, i'm going to give the obligatory "this didn't happen today", it happened last year. it's probably a hard story to believe but i'll try to post some evidence without giving away the video or my identity.
just for some context, i work at a sex toy company. a lot of you probably don't even know how companies like mine operate or how we even come up with some of the stuff we make. i've only worked at two companies, so i'm not really too experienced either, but i'll skip the lecture. i'm a designer, i come up with the ideas, sometimes sketch them or put some crap together depending what i have on hand to get my point across of what i'm suggesting. in this case, i came up with a fleshlight that you (the customer/user) would be able to tighten or loosen based on what you felt most comfortable with. it had other features but this is what caused my problem.
so, after i came up with my idea, i sent it to one of my buddies who helps manufacture our products so he'd be able to make me a prototype. we have a small group of designers other than myself, and we have a rule (that also serves as comedy) that if you design a product, you have to be the guy who tests it out. usually this only promotes efficiency, as we all want to make good stuff so we can use it ourselves. often times, we brag to each other about how good our products are to each other and bash some of each other's shittier ideas (there's only 4-5 of us, we work in different offices but sometimes meet up or mail each other products to fuck with each other).
after a couple weeks i got my prototype, it was basically a normal fleshlight modified by a mechanism i ripped off of massage chairs. basically, it had an attached keypad where you could hit a "+" to add pressure to your junk, and a "-" to make it looser, as well as a vibrate option (i'm pretty creative).
so there i am, in my office, alone. it's important to note that this isn't really my office. sometimes my friends/designer buddies stop by and use it for their own crap. they knew i had been making this product and were telling me that it would never work as was too complicated to make and sell, that people preferred just regular fleshlights.
of course, i take it out of the box and start doing the normal routine. i then proceeded to hit the "+" button to add pressure and make it a little more rough. to my surprise, it worked! but then it only started to get tighter, and tighter, even though i wasn't even pressing the button. it was tightening itself to the max, and my member was feeling the pressure.
so there i am, panicking. i'm scared i'm gonna lose my penis, frankly. i run to get a knife i just happen to have (one of those pocket knives they sell for "survival"). and i just stab the switch and try to pry the fleshlight open (with my member still inside it).
mission successful. my member (though still throbbing in pain) was freed. i put on my pants and went home. i was too traumatized. i (stupidly) left everything where it was and didn't even bother to clean up. just locked the door and left the little office building without even talking to anyone.
a day later, i get texts and calls from my designer buddies. still joking and messing with me about how my product is bound to fail. i think nothing of it. until one of them sends me a video of me struggling and screaming, trying to get a normal looking fleshlight off my member.
one of them had put a camera in my/our office and had just happen to catch me having a sexual catastrophe with my own product. and of course, they posted it on the internet for shits and giggles (blurred my face).
suffice to say, i'm now the laughing stock of my group of coworkers.
|
made a sex toy, got it stuck on my penis and exposed my member to intense pressure. hacked it off with a pocket knife. now it's on the internet for the world to see on some shady porn website as some guy struggling and screaming try to get off a sex toy.
|
designing a sex toy that malfunctioned
|
[
"before i delve into this, i'm going to give the",
"obligatory \"this didn't happen today\", it",
"happened last year. it's probably a hard story to",
"believe but i'll try to post some evidence",
"without giving away the video or my identity.",
"just for some context, i work at a sex toy",
"company. a lot of you probably don't even know",
"how companies like mine operate or how we even",
"come up with some of the stuff we make. i've only",
"worked at two companies, so i'm not really too",
"experienced either, but i'll skip the lecture.",
"i'm a designer, i come up with the ideas,",
"sometimes sketch them or put some crap together",
"depending what i have on hand to get my point",
"across of what i'm suggesting. in this case, i",
"came up with a fleshlight that you (the",
"customer/user) would be able to tighten or loosen",
"based on what you felt most comfortable with. it",
"had other features but this is what caused my",
"problem.",
"so, after i came up with my idea, i sent it to",
"one of my buddies who helps manufacture our",
"products so he'd be able to make me a prototype.",
"we have a small group of designers other than",
"myself, and we have a rule (that also serves as",
"comedy) that if you design a product, you have to",
"be the guy who tests it out. usually this only",
"promotes efficiency, as we all want to make good",
"stuff so we can use it ourselves. often times, we",
"brag to each other about how good our products",
"are to each other and bash some of each other's",
"shittier ideas (there's only 4-5 of us, we work",
"in different offices but sometimes meet up or",
"mail each other products to fuck with each",
"other).",
"after a couple weeks i got my prototype, it was",
"basically a normal fleshlight modified by a",
"mechanism i ripped off of massage chairs.",
"basically, it had an attached keypad where you",
"could hit a \"+\" to add pressure to your junk, and",
"a \"-\" to make it looser, as well as a vibrate",
"option (i'm pretty creative).",
"so there i am, in my office, alone. it's",
"important to note that this isn't really my",
"office. sometimes my friends/designer buddies",
"stop by and use it for their own crap. they knew",
"i had been making this product and were telling",
"me that it would never work as was too",
"complicated to make and sell, that people",
"preferred just regular fleshlights.",
"of course, i take it out of the box and start",
"doing the normal routine. i then proceeded to hit",
"the \"+\" button to add pressure and make it a",
"little more rough. to my surprise, it worked! but",
"then it only started to get tighter, and tighter,",
"even though i wasn't even pressing the button. it",
"was tightening itself to the max, and my member",
"was feeling the pressure.",
"so there i am, panicking. i'm scared i'm gonna",
"lose my penis, frankly. i run to get a knife i",
"just happen to have (one of those pocket knives",
"they sell for \"survival\"). and i just stab the",
"switch and try to pry the fleshlight open (with",
"my member still inside it).",
"mission successful. my member (though still",
"throbbing in pain) was freed. i put on my pants",
"and went home. i was too traumatized. i",
"(stupidly) left everything where it was and",
"didn't even bother to clean up. just locked the",
"door and left the little office building without",
"even talking to anyone.",
"a day later, i get texts and calls from my",
"designer buddies. still joking and messing with",
"me about how my product is bound to fail. i think",
"nothing of it. until one of them sends me a video",
"of me struggling and screaming, trying to get a",
"normal looking fleshlight off my member.",
"one of them had put a camera in my/our office and",
"had just happen to catch me having a sexual",
"catastrophe with my own product. and of course,",
"they posted it on the internet for shits and",
"giggles (blurred my face).",
"suffice to say, i'm now the laughing stock of my",
"group of coworkers."
] |
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just for some context, i work at a sex toy lose my penis, frankly. i run to get a knife i switch and try to pry the fleshlight open (with of me struggling and screaming, trying to get a normal looking fleshlight off my member. they posted it on the internet for shits and
|
5 | 5 | 0.86 | 5 |
this story begins last saturday as i was attending a relative's birthdayparty. here i talked to a cousin of my mine who showed me the scp website. (for those who don't know this is a huge catalogue of fictive stories about mysterious things and creatures held my a secret organisation to secure contain and protect) as someone who enjoys spending a lot of time at night reading this seemed like the perfect kind of content for me to go through as the usual hunt through the various reddit pages sometimes feels a bit dry. my cousin then proceeds to tell me that i absolutely have to read about [scp 087] and while doing so i should have a rather creepy song playing while going through the transcripts. at the time i looked at the initial description of what was apparently a haunted stairwell with a child asking for help somewhere deep down in the darkness. this didn't scare me at the time and i didn't think much of it as i am usually rather hard to scare.
however last night as i was browsing reddit i suddenly remembered the scp website and promptly went there. as i got through a couple other scp's i decided to start the music and check if it was some sort of cheap trick by my cousin to scare me with some sort of scream at a weird time of the video. it wasn't. however it did set the tone for my evening to be quite a bit more spooky than i had anticipated. i started to read the transcripts anyway which in retrospect really should have been done without the music.
as i got through the first two transcripts i was actually alright with it. i could feel the goosebumps a bit but in an entertained kind of way like watching a horror movie that intrigues you. so i continued through it and got to a point where it started to make me feel not so good. the transcripts tell of 3 individual investigations where someone traverses down the stairwell. the first two of which walk for quite a while until faced by a glowing face with humanlike features without being human. (bascially the worst type of face) the third person however doesn't see the face like the others until she at one point decides she has walked down long enough and tunrs around to realise that the face has been right behind her the whole time. this type of horror is something i don't like. creppy creatures and monsters that attack people i can live with but the sneaky creatures that adapt and mostly just watch freak me out. the transcripts then end as the third person is forced to run further down until she falls over and presumably dies.
great, the story is over, i'm more scared than i have been for a long time with some sort of paranoia starting to grow. i decide it's time to go to bed but can't shake the uneasy feelings from the story off. as i get to the bathroom it gets to the point where i scan the whole room for any potential monsters, even checking behind the shower curtain. (writing this in broad daylight makes me feel a bit shameful but in the moment i was dead serious) being ready to sleep i check my room for anything suspicious and go to sleep.
suddenly i wake up and just a few centimeters from my face is a glowing face. instinctively i punch it and complete darkness ensues, followed by a bump. i just lie there completely still trying to figure out what just happend. adrenaline pumping i jump out of bed quickly getting to the lightswitch and i turn it on to see what i have done. the reading lamp by the side of my bed is smashed and my phone lies under the bed. (my bed is about 2 meters in the air) the only thought in head at this point is fuck as i realise that i just destroyed my own lamp and pushed my phone off the shelf above it in my panic.
having calmed down i inspect my phone and luckily it appears without much more then a scratch on the side. the lamp however is done for. i then proceed to climb back into bed and try to sleep. a few minutes go by as i just keep rethinking how the hell the lamp turned on and how it all happend when i hear a sound about 200 meters outside the house. the sound of a child screaming. i freeze completely. awaiting some sort of other sound to follow by only complete silence. the next hour or so i just lie there in my bed waiting for something, anything to happen but nothing did appear.
so for those considering reading a creepy story late at night while playing music to scare yourselves. please don't, you might regret it.
|
i read a creepy story while have creepy music playing which made me somewhat paranoid. as i woke late at night i saw what appeared to be the creature from the story and pucnhed only to realise i smashed my lamp and pushed my phone off a shelf so it dropped 2 meters. later i heard haunting noices which scared me to the point where i couldn't sleep.
|
smashing my lamp, dropping my phone and making myself paranoid
|
[
"this story begins last saturday as i was attending",
"a relative's birthdayparty. here i talked to a",
"cousin of my mine who showed me the scp website.",
"(for those who don't know this is a huge",
"catalogue of fictive stories about mysterious",
"things and creatures held my a secret",
"organisation to secure contain and protect) as",
"someone who enjoys spending a lot of time at",
"night reading this seemed like the perfect kind",
"of content for me to go through as the usual hunt",
"through the various reddit pages sometimes feels",
"a bit dry. my cousin then proceeds to tell me",
"that i absolutely have to read about [scp 087]",
"and while doing so i should have a rather creepy",
"song playing while going through the transcripts.",
"at the time i looked at the initial description",
"of what was apparently a haunted stairwell with a",
"child asking for help somewhere deep down in the",
"darkness. this didn't scare me at the time and i",
"didn't think much of it as i am usually rather",
"hard to scare.",
"however last night as i was browsing reddit i",
"suddenly remembered the scp website and promptly",
"went there. as i got through a couple other scp's",
"i decided to start the music and check if it was",
"some sort of cheap trick by my cousin to scare me",
"with some sort of scream at a weird time of the",
"video. it wasn't. however it did set the tone for",
"my evening to be quite a bit more spooky than i",
"had anticipated. i started to read the",
"transcripts anyway which in retrospect really",
"should have been done without the music.",
"as i got through the first two transcripts i was",
"actually alright with it. i could feel the",
"goosebumps a bit but in an entertained kind of",
"way like watching a horror movie that intrigues",
"you. so i continued through it and got to a point",
"where it started to make me feel not so good. the",
"transcripts tell of 3 individual investigations",
"where someone traverses down the stairwell. the",
"first two of which walk for quite a while until",
"faced by a glowing face with humanlike features",
"without being human. (bascially the worst type of",
"face) the third person however doesn't see the",
"face like the others until she at one point",
"decides she has walked down long enough and tunrs",
"around to realise that the face has been right",
"behind her the whole time. this type of horror is",
"something i don't like. creppy creatures and",
"monsters that attack people i can live with but",
"the sneaky creatures that adapt and mostly just",
"watch freak me out. the transcripts then end as",
"the third person is forced to run further down",
"until she falls over and presumably dies.",
"great, the story is over, i'm more scared than i",
"have been for a long time with some sort of",
"paranoia starting to grow. i decide it's time to",
"go to bed but can't shake the uneasy feelings",
"from the story off. as i get to the bathroom it",
"gets to the point where i scan the whole room for",
"any potential monsters, even checking behind the",
"shower curtain. (writing this in broad daylight",
"makes me feel a bit shameful but in the moment i",
"was dead serious) being ready to sleep i check my",
"room for anything suspicious and go to sleep.",
"suddenly i wake up and just a few centimeters",
"from my face is a glowing face. instinctively i",
"punch it and complete darkness ensues, followed",
"by a bump. i just lie there completely still",
"trying to figure out what just happend.",
"adrenaline pumping i jump out of bed quickly",
"getting to the lightswitch and i turn it on to",
"see what i have done. the reading lamp by the",
"side of my bed is smashed and my phone lies under",
"the bed. (my bed is about 2 meters in the air)",
"the only thought in head at this point is fuck as",
"i realise that i just destroyed my own lamp and",
"pushed my phone off the shelf above it in my",
"panic.",
"having calmed down i inspect my phone and luckily",
"it appears without much more then a scratch on",
"the side. the lamp however is done for. i then",
"proceed to climb back into bed and try to sleep.",
"a few minutes go by as i just keep rethinking how",
"the hell the lamp turned on and how it all",
"happend when i hear a sound about 200 meters",
"outside the house. the sound of a child",
"screaming. i freeze completely. awaiting some",
"sort of other sound to follow by only complete",
"silence. the next hour or so i just lie there in",
"my bed waiting for something, anything to happen",
"but nothing did appear.",
"so for those considering reading a creepy story",
"late at night while playing music to scare",
"yourselves. please don't, you might regret it."
] |
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from the story off. as i get to the bathroom it gets to the point where i scan the whole room for the bed. (my bed is about 2 meters in the air) i realise that i just destroyed my own lamp and pushed my phone off the shelf above it in my so for those considering reading a creepy story late at night while playing music to scare
|
5 | 2 | 0.86 | 5 |
customary "this was actually a few years ago"...
i've been an avid reader ever since i was able to understand written words. i read the entirety of the dark tower series (only seven books at the time) within one school semester when i was 16, and it blew my mind.
wizard and glass is my favorite, and i wanted to get a second tattoo back in the fall of 14, so i figured i'd combine the two.
there's a gang in the book called "the big coffin hunters", and they have a distinct blue coffin tattooed on the skin between their index finger and thumb. after drawing it onto myself everyday for two weeks, i made an appointment at a local tattoo shop.
the night before, i'm rereading wag again, just for the nostalgia. next morning, i go to my appointment, get the piece done in about fifteen minutes for around $75 (i went with black ink instead of blue, it won't fade or blur as badly), and return home happy as a clam.
i go back into my room and pick the book up again. as i'm reading through, i get to the part that describes the coffin tattoos. i'm smiling to myself, until i see the words "on their right hands". my jaw drops. i look down at the fresh ink on my left hand. husband comes running as i shout "oh god no" and curse a few times.
the description was only three or four pages away from where i'd stopped reading the night before. if i'd just stayed up a little longer, i'd have it on the proper hand. this is the most permanent screwup of my life.
(in retrospect, i find it hilarious. and it's actually a good thing, because otherwise when i shake hands, that's the first thing they'd see.)
|
i got a tattoo that is a direct reference to a book on the wrong hand, which would have been avoided if i'd read an extra chapter the night before.
|
not reading an extra chapter of a book.
|
[
"customary \"this was actually a few years ago\"...",
"i've been an avid reader ever since i was able to",
"understand written words. i read the entirety of",
"the dark tower series (only seven books at the",
"time) within one school semester when i was 16,",
"and it blew my mind.",
"wizard and glass is my favorite, and i wanted to",
"get a second tattoo back in the fall of 14, so i",
"figured i'd combine the two.",
"there's a gang in the book called \"the big coffin",
"hunters\", and they have a distinct blue coffin",
"tattooed on the skin between their index finger",
"and thumb. after drawing it onto myself everyday",
"for two weeks, i made an appointment at a local",
"tattoo shop.",
"the night before, i'm rereading wag again, just",
"for the nostalgia. next morning, i go to my",
"appointment, get the piece done in about fifteen",
"minutes for around $75 (i went with black ink",
"instead of blue, it won't fade or blur as badly),",
"and return home happy as a clam.",
"i go back into my room and pick the book up",
"again. as i'm reading through, i get to the part",
"that describes the coffin tattoos. i'm smiling to",
"myself, until i see the words \"on their right",
"hands\". my jaw drops. i look down at the fresh",
"ink on my left hand. husband comes running as i",
"shout \"oh god no\" and curse a few times.",
"the description was only three or four pages away",
"from where i'd stopped reading the night before.",
"if i'd just stayed up a little longer, i'd have",
"it on the proper hand. this is the most permanent",
"screwup of my life.",
"(in retrospect, i find it hilarious. and it's",
"actually a good thing, because otherwise when i",
"shake hands, that's the first thing they'd see.)"
] |
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i've been an avid reader ever since i was able to from where i'd stopped reading the night before. if i'd just stayed up a little longer, i'd have it on the proper hand. this is the most permanent
|
20 | 10 | 0.87 | 20 |
at work today, i fucked up. shit.
literally.
there i sat minding my own business, while i was doing my mindless work. to be honest i was getting bored and quite frustrated with computer systems that would not work properly.
enter the tummy rumble.
i am posting under a fake account, because several people know my real account and i really don't need this associated with that; there are people who do not know that it was me. i thought i can just shove my ass into the chair, let one rip nobody will hear it i will probably be the only one that smells it. you know when you can just tell if something is going to be a silent nice little puff versus a gigantic horn? have you ever been tricked? i have.
so i decided to let it rip as nobody else seemed to be around at that time, but i must have pushed too hard. i felt the hot lava coming out of my asshole and before i could clamp my ass cheeks shut, i felt it hit the underwear. as a female... yes a female, i always keep an extra pair of panties hidden away and one of my desk drawers in a little bag with pads just in case that time of the month decides to sneak up on me and obliterate my undergarments. i've never been so happy as i was today that 1. the shitstorm did not go past the panties and 2. i had remembered to make sure that i had a pair of underwear in my drawer.
i ran to the private bathroom that we had in our area and i cleaned up my shame.
unfortunately the smell was quite strong over by my desk when i sat back down and a bunch of people came back from break and i got a couple looks that were a little suspecting. i tried to play it off as though it must be the toilet maybe it's the sewer like it was last week... but i'm pretty sure, i'm pretty *positive* in fact someone knows.
edit: don't underestimate a fart
|
today i fucked up i just fucked up.
|
mistaking a shart for a silent fart.
|
[
"at work today, i fucked up. shit. \n\n\nliterally.",
"there i sat minding my own business, while i was",
"doing my mindless work. to be honest i was",
"getting bored and quite frustrated with computer",
"systems that would not work properly.",
"enter the tummy rumble.",
"i am posting under a fake account, because",
"several people know my real account and i really",
"don't need this associated with that; there are",
"people who do not know that it was me. i thought",
"i can just shove my ass into the chair, let one",
"rip nobody will hear it i will probably be the",
"only one that smells it. you know when you can",
"just tell if something is going to be a silent",
"nice little puff versus a gigantic horn? have you",
"ever been tricked? i have.",
"so i decided to let it rip as nobody else seemed",
"to be around at that time, but i must have pushed",
"too hard. i felt the hot lava coming out of my",
"asshole and before i could clamp my ass cheeks",
"shut, i felt it hit the underwear. as a",
"female... yes a female, i always keep an extra",
"pair of panties hidden away and one of my desk",
"drawers in a little bag with pads just in case",
"that time of the month decides to sneak up on me",
"and obliterate my undergarments. i've never been",
"so happy as i was today that 1. the shitstorm did",
"not go past the panties and 2. i had remembered",
"to make sure that i had a pair of underwear in my",
"drawer.",
"i ran to the private bathroom that we had in our",
"area and i cleaned up my shame.",
"unfortunately the smell was quite strong over by",
"my desk when i sat back down and a bunch of",
"people came back from break and i got a couple",
"looks that were a little suspecting. i tried to",
"play it off as though it must be the toilet maybe",
"it's the sewer like it was last week... but i'm",
"pretty sure, i'm pretty *positive* in fact",
"someone knows.",
"edit: don't underestimate a fart"
] |
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at work today, i fucked up. shit.
literally.
|
20 | 10 | 0.73 | 20 |
so this actually happened like 3 years ago at the beginning of high school. so i was hanging out at the house of my buddy's house and i mentioned in passing i never played portal before and he sets up it up on his pc. every thing is fine for like half an hour and then i stumble upon a particularly difficult level and in fit of frustration i stand straight up somehow smacking my balls against the desk. then disaster strikes again as in fall back in pain and promptly end up sitting on them. then i fall out of the chair sideways and end squishing them between my thighs. i was out for a while and my best friend laughed his ass off. needless to say i haven't played portal since. i also dropped plyers on the later that day.
|
i ragequitted at portal 2 and hurt my balls multiple times.
|
playing portal nsfw
|
[
"so this actually happened like 3 years ago at the",
"beginning of high school. so i was hanging out at",
"the house of my buddy's house and i mentioned in",
"passing i never played portal before and he sets",
"up it up on his pc. every thing is fine for like",
"half an hour and then i stumble upon a",
"particularly difficult level and in fit of",
"frustration i stand straight up somehow smacking",
"my balls against the desk. then disaster strikes",
"again as in fall back in pain and promptly end up",
"sitting on them. then i fall out of the chair",
"sideways and end squishing them between my",
"thighs. i was out for a while and my best friend",
"laughed his ass off. needless to say i haven't",
"played portal since. i also dropped plyers on the",
"later that day."
] |
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passing i never played portal before and he sets my balls against the desk. then disaster strikes
|
0 | 4 | 0.45 | 0 |
haha, i'm new to reddit, so this is the most interesting story i have in mind.
this actually happened today, late afternoon. i was minding my own business until my sister had secretly baked some tasty snacks. it was some homemade bread with cheese and other mouth watering, flavorful toppings. i took a little bite... i was like; okay it's good! i then proceed to consume the entire thing, then it hits me. my sister had left the bread out to ferment and it was a little too long... for those who are not familiar with biology, fermenting releases alcohol... you know where this is going. i realized this as i tasted a very distinct alcoholy taste. later that night i got dizzy (when i was not but i couldn't tell) so i assumed i was drunk when i wasn't. it did manage to make me step on my dog with both feet and create my reddit account. at least in my placebo- drunk craze i did not find a coconut in my closet.
edit: i'm so sorry guys for posting cancer like this, i was incredibly tired and down at the time
|
i ate alcohol infused bread and thought i was drunk and possibly damaged my friendship with my dog
|
consuming overly fermented bread and thinking i was drunk and fucking up my first reddit post which caused me to step on my dog
|
[
"haha, i'm new to reddit, so this is the most",
"interesting story i have in mind.",
"this actually happened today, late afternoon. i",
"was minding my own business until my sister had",
"secretly baked some tasty snacks. it was some",
"homemade bread with cheese and other mouth",
"watering, flavorful toppings. i took a little",
"bite... i was like; okay it's good! i then",
"proceed to consume the entire thing, then it hits",
"me. my sister had left the bread out to ferment",
"and it was a little too long... for those who are",
"not familiar with biology, fermenting releases",
"alcohol... you know where this is going. i",
"realized this as i tasted a very distinct",
"alcoholy taste. later that night i got dizzy",
"(when i was not but i couldn't tell) so i assumed",
"i was drunk when i wasn't. it did manage to make",
"me step on my dog with both feet and create my",
"reddit account. at least in my placebo- drunk",
"craze i did not find a coconut in my closet.",
"edit: i'm so sorry guys for posting cancer like",
"this, i was incredibly tired and down at the time"
] |
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i was drunk when i wasn't. it did manage to make me step on my dog with both feet and create my
|
0 | 3 | 0.5 | 0 |
so last night i decided to go see a concert, my first time at this particular venue (over 21 to enter). it was a grunge rock music festival, with fantastic tributes to stone temple pilots, foo fighters, pearl jam, and nirvana. last may i turned 21 (and i have basically zero drinking experience), so i figured i would be adventurous and have a little more than my usual one beer to experiment.
sometime after faux pearl jam took the stage i decided to have a third beer (not too much of a pearl jam fan haha). i drank over 2/3rds of that third beer until i realized that i didn't feel too good. the nirvana tribute was about halfway through their set now and i noticed that i was sweating profusely. this was when i remembered that this was the first time i had consumed alcohol since i started taking 50mg sertraline (zoloft) for anxiety. a few minutes later i started to get nauseous from the intense strobe lights on stage, and ended up spontaneously throwing up on the monitor wedge at the center of the stage. i got most of it into my left hand over my mouth, but it was too little, too late. the dude standing next to me looked over and mouthed "oh shit, are you okay?" and i nodded as i stumbled to the venue's bathroom to clean myself up. i watched the rest of the band's set from a chair at the bar. went home feeling like a binge drinking dumbass. never again, lesson learned!
|
drank 3 beers for the first time at a concert, realized it was mixing with my anxiety meds, threw up on fake kurt cobain's stage monitor.
|
drinking too much at a grunge festival.
|
[
"so last night i decided to go see a concert, my",
"first time at this particular venue (over 21 to",
"enter). it was a grunge rock music festival, with",
"fantastic tributes to stone temple pilots, foo",
"fighters, pearl jam, and nirvana. last may i",
"turned 21 (and i have basically zero drinking",
"experience), so i figured i would be adventurous",
"and have a little more than my usual one beer to",
"experiment.",
"sometime after faux pearl jam took the stage i",
"decided to have a third beer (not too much of a",
"pearl jam fan haha). i drank over 2/3rds of that",
"third beer until i realized that i didn't feel",
"too good. the nirvana tribute was about halfway",
"through their set now and i noticed that i was",
"sweating profusely. this was when i remembered",
"that this was the first time i had consumed",
"alcohol since i started taking 50mg sertraline",
"(zoloft) for anxiety. a few minutes later i",
"started to get nauseous from the intense strobe",
"lights on stage, and ended up spontaneously",
"throwing up on the monitor wedge at the center of",
"the stage. i got most of it into my left hand",
"over my mouth, but it was too little, too late.",
"the dude standing next to me looked over and",
"mouthed \"oh shit, are you okay?\" and i nodded as",
"i stumbled to the venue's bathroom to clean",
"myself up. i watched the rest of the band's set",
"from a chair at the bar. went home feeling like a",
"binge drinking dumbass. never again, lesson",
"learned!"
] |
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enter). it was a grunge rock music festival, with that this was the first time i had consumed throwing up on the monitor wedge at the center of
|
35 | 6 | 0.84 | 35 |
i had not zested the lemon for some time due to traveling. when i finally got home, i pulled up some quality stuff and started the throw down. i pulled up some askreddit thread about how to masturbate well, and it said to make it a marathon, not a sprint. i usually and a "sprinter" myself and spend under 3 minutes usually. so this time i decided to stop and take a few seconds to breathe every time i came close to a ko. i lost track of time and ended up spending some odd 5 hours just doing the up and down fist grab. felt amazing when i finally came, 9/10. i cleaned up, when to bed, and fell asleep. but when i woke up today, my shoulders and arms were so sore (i switched which hand fairly often) i could hardly move them. this was especially awkward during tennis practice. "hey why are you hitting so bad today?" "oh i just fapped too hard last night." "oh ok.. wait what?"
|
fapped too hard for too long, couldn't play tennis next day.
|
fapping too long (nsfw)
|
[
"i had not zested the lemon for some time due to",
"traveling. when i finally got home, i pulled up",
"some quality stuff and started the throw down. i",
"pulled up some askreddit thread about how to",
"masturbate well, and it said to make it a",
"marathon, not a sprint. i usually and a",
"\"sprinter\" myself and spend under 3 minutes",
"usually. so this time i decided to stop and take",
"a few seconds to breathe every time i came close",
"to a ko. i lost track of time and ended up",
"spending some odd 5 hours just doing the up and",
"down fist grab. felt amazing when i finally came,",
"9/10. i cleaned up, when to bed, and fell asleep.",
"but when i woke up today, my shoulders and arms",
"were so sore (i switched which hand fairly often)",
"i could hardly move them. this was especially",
"awkward during tennis practice. \"hey why are you",
"hitting so bad today?\" \"oh i just fapped too hard",
"last night.\" \"oh ok.. wait what?\""
] |
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hitting so bad today?" "oh i just fapped too hard
|
106 | 30 | 0.92 | 106 |
this just happened. i have an english bulldog. if anyone owns one can tell you as well, they smell like a giant foot on a good day. a bad day they smell of hot garbage with a yeast infection. today reached hazmat level. we are a military family and have been relocated to georgia. georgia is hot and muggy af and i don't know if there is an allergen that doesn't reside here. english bulldogs are allergic to practically everything so add itching, hair loss and a large vet bill to this mix of fresh bulldog owner hell. he is as miserable as we (and our poor iroomba) are. medication, shots, special shampoos. we can't wait to move north. well today my husband had to work and it just had to be done. my house was beginning to smell like a free clinic. after shoving his 60lb fa up the stairs i started the routine. medicated the water, got the towels, scrub brush and my strength. his fur is short and pretty water resistant so you have to scrub good to get to the skin. you have to pretty much dissociate yourself and lose all shame to scrub all of the areas that need extra help. i worked my way to the rear and as i lift his cork screw tail i get squirted face full of the foulest smelling liquid from his ass. apparently his anal glands needed to be expressed and i must have hit the trigger. it sprayed out of his anus, like one of those water toys, all over my face, shirt and wall. i run blindly to the sink and scrubbed my face raw. i had to psych myself out to not puke. afterwards i finished his bath and i swear he smells worse than before. maybe it's just my upper lip. *puke*
|
tifu by giving my dog a bath and getting a shit shower instead.
|
scrubbing my dog too hard and getting a facial.
|
[
"this just happened. i have an english bulldog. if",
"anyone owns one can tell you as well, they smell",
"like a giant foot on a good day. a bad day they",
"smell of hot garbage with a yeast infection.",
"today reached hazmat level. we are a military",
"family and have been relocated to georgia.",
"georgia is hot and muggy af and i don't know if",
"there is an allergen that doesn't reside here.",
"english bulldogs are allergic to practically",
"everything so add itching, hair loss and a large",
"vet bill to this mix of fresh bulldog owner hell.",
"he is as miserable as we (and our poor iroomba)",
"are. medication, shots, special shampoos. we",
"can't wait to move north. well today my husband",
"had to work and it just had to be done. my house",
"was beginning to smell like a free clinic. after",
"shoving his 60lb fa up the stairs i started the",
"routine. medicated the water, got the towels,",
"scrub brush and my strength. his fur is short and",
"pretty water resistant so you have to scrub good",
"to get to the skin. you have to pretty much",
"dissociate yourself and lose all shame to scrub",
"all of the areas that need extra help. i worked",
"my way to the rear and as i lift his cork screw",
"tail i get squirted face full of the foulest",
"smelling liquid from his ass. apparently his anal",
"glands needed to be expressed and i must have hit",
"the trigger. it sprayed out of his anus, like one",
"of those water toys, all over my face, shirt and",
"wall. i run blindly to the sink and scrubbed my",
"face raw. i had to psych myself out to not puke.",
"afterwards i finished his bath and i swear he",
"smells worse than before. maybe it's just my",
"upper lip. *puke*"
] |
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afterwards i finished his bath and i swear he
|
38 | 9 | 0.93 | 38 |
this happened when i was like 16. i had been running around in a little kid's playground, and decided it would be cool to try and be a ninja around the entire place. i was jumping off of slides, leaping from guardrail to guardrail and running across the top of the monkey bars. eventually i had made it to the top of the highest slide and was determined to do a backflip and land on my hands in a handstand position, cause i thought that would look awesome, and i saw a guy do something similar in an anime before, so i thought it was definitely possible. i jump off the slide, and immediately my foot gets caught on the side of the slide, which messes up my backflip form.
but i was determined to get this to work! so i extend my arms out anyway, and my hands hit the ground before any other part does. i'm thinking, "success!" but a second later i hear both my arms snap really loud. turns out, my forearms landed in a weird way, and pushed my elbow joints up past my upper arm to my armpits.
it looked really weird. like i had a really fat upper arm or something, and two large bumps where my armpits were suppose to be. my skin was also jutting out in places where it wasn't suppose to, and my forearms looked like jelly gloves. i couldn't move my hands or anything, but i still had a little bit of muscle control in both arms.
i guess the adrenaline was still kicking in, because i hadn't felt any pain at that moment. i decided then and there that i was going to save my parents any expensive medical bills by flexing both arms as hard as i could to snap my arms back to where they were suppose to be. without a seconds hesitation, i flexed as hard as i could, and instantly heard another four huge snaps. both forearms and upper arms broke in two, and had pierced through my skin and muscle pretty bad. like really bad actually, to the point where my arms were really mangled up.
i just stood there for what felt like an eternity as i tried to contemplate what just happened. the thing that brought me back to my senses was one of my elbows had fallen back towards my hand, and hit my wrist pretty hard. i snapped back to reality, and then i felt a crazy, crazy amount of pain. i mean crazy amount of pain, like it felt like i was going to pass out just from the pain.
i started crying and running as fast as i could in the direction of home. even though i was like 5 miles away from home i didn't care. now keep in mind this was during the time where skateboard shoes were really in style, and people would where those really big shoes with the flat bottoms and never tie there laces...yeah i was that type of poser kid haha.
i must have tripped like 30 times on my way home, each time landing either on my shoulder or on the absolutely shredded arms of mine. to add salt to the wound, most of the trek back home was on back roads that had asphalt and stuff on them, so i got my face and knees pretty scraped up too. by the time i got home it was like late evening and my parents were both gone out with friends of theirs. usually this is fine because i would just get in through the front door with the key, or use the garage pass code thingy, but in this case both arms were totally useless, so i had to wait. outside. for like an hour. i couldn't even wipe my eyes full of tears or tend to the scrapes on my face and knees.
anyway, they finally got home, and i was taken to the er for surgery. the doctors said it was long surgery and that i was lucky my parents found me when they did, cause i could have had to amputate both arms off.
a year later i went back to the park with my little brother, not telling him that this was where i broke my arms. to this day i still wonder if what i was attempting is even possible, and even though i'm tempted to go back and try, i think i'll wait till i can do a cartwheel first haha.
|
tried to flex both dislocated forearms and elbows back into place, end up fracturing both upper arms and both forearms in multiple places
|
trying to flex my dislocated forearms back into place
|
[
"this happened when i was like 16. i had been",
"running around in a little kid's playground, and",
"decided it would be cool to try and be a ninja",
"around the entire place. i was jumping off of",
"slides, leaping from guardrail to guardrail and",
"running across the top of the monkey bars.",
"eventually i had made it to the top of the",
"highest slide and was determined to do a backflip",
"and land on my hands in a handstand position,",
"cause i thought that would look awesome, and i",
"saw a guy do something similar in an anime",
"before, so i thought it was definitely possible.",
"i jump off the slide, and immediately my foot",
"gets caught on the side of the slide, which",
"messes up my backflip form.",
"but i was determined to get this to work! so i",
"extend my arms out anyway, and my hands hit the",
"ground before any other part does. i'm thinking,",
"\"success!\" but a second later i hear both my arms",
"snap really loud. turns out, my forearms landed",
"in a weird way, and pushed my elbow joints up",
"past my upper arm to my armpits.",
"it looked really weird. like i had a really fat",
"upper arm or something, and two large bumps where",
"my armpits were suppose to be. my skin was also",
"jutting out in places where it wasn't suppose to,",
"and my forearms looked like jelly gloves. i",
"couldn't move my hands or anything, but i still",
"had a little bit of muscle control in both arms.",
"i guess the adrenaline was still kicking in,",
"because i hadn't felt any pain at that moment. i",
"decided then and there that i was going to save",
"my parents any expensive medical bills by flexing",
"both arms as hard as i could to snap my arms back",
"to where they were suppose to be. without a",
"seconds hesitation, i flexed as hard as i could,",
"and instantly heard another four huge snaps. both",
"forearms and upper arms broke in two, and had",
"pierced through my skin and muscle pretty bad.",
"like really bad actually, to the point where my",
"arms were really mangled up.",
"i just stood there for what felt like an eternity",
"as i tried to contemplate what just happened. the",
"thing that brought me back to my senses was one",
"of my elbows had fallen back towards my hand, and",
"hit my wrist pretty hard. i snapped back to",
"reality, and then i felt a crazy, crazy amount of",
"pain. i mean crazy amount of pain, like it felt",
"like i was going to pass out just from the pain.",
"i started crying and running as fast as i could",
"in the direction of home. even though i was like",
"5 miles away from home i didn't care. now keep in",
"mind this was during the time where skateboard",
"shoes were really in style, and people would",
"where those really big shoes with the flat",
"bottoms and never tie there laces...yeah i was",
"that type of poser kid haha.",
"i must have tripped like 30 times on my way home,",
"each time landing either on my shoulder or on the",
"absolutely shredded arms of mine. to add salt to",
"the wound, most of the trek back home was on back",
"roads that had asphalt and stuff on them, so i",
"got my face and knees pretty scraped up too. by",
"the time i got home it was like late evening and",
"my parents were both gone out with friends of",
"theirs. usually this is fine because i would just",
"get in through the front door with the key, or",
"use the garage pass code thingy, but in this case",
"both arms were totally useless, so i had to wait.",
"outside. for like an hour. i couldn't even wipe",
"my eyes full of tears or tend to the scrapes on",
"my face and knees.",
"anyway, they finally got home, and i was taken to",
"the er for surgery. the doctors said it was long",
"surgery and that i was lucky my parents found me",
"when they did, cause i could have had to amputate",
"both arms off.",
"a year later i went back to the park with my",
"little brother, not telling him that this was",
"where i broke my arms. to this day i still wonder",
"if what i was attempting is even possible, and",
"even though i'm tempted to go back and try, i",
"think i'll wait till i can do a cartwheel first",
"haha."
] |
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forearms and upper arms broke in two, and had as i tried to contemplate what just happened. the both arms off.
|
18 | 19 | 0.73 | 18 |
unlike the majority of posts here, this just happened a few minutes ago. i live in seattle, and there is a neo-nazi counterprotest occurring. i didn't have time to eat lunch, but i went anyway. i rode the bus down to join them with my flag. 1000 people and i marched all around the city, being pepper sprayed and flash bombed on the way. someone even tried (poorly) to recreate what happened in charlottesville by ramming a bike into the crowd. i was wearing a mask the whole time, also waving a flag. by 4:30 pm, we had surrounded the nazis, much to the police's dismay.
then, i began to feel a bit dizzy. my vision became a bit fuzzy. eventually i just tried to escape the crowd and find a place to lean. eventually i found a barricade that i leaned on, but it was not enough. i managed to pass out, forcing everyone to move and let the medics help me.
i'm waiting for my bus back home as i write. i wasn't able to continue on, unfortunately. i'm just glad that there were medics there to help out.
|
didn't eat or drink, went out to protest, passed the fuck out.
|
not eating before waving a flag.
|
[
"unlike the majority of posts here, this just",
"happened a few minutes ago. i live in seattle,",
"and there is a neo-nazi counterprotest occurring.",
"i didn't have time to eat lunch, but i went",
"anyway. i rode the bus down to join them with my",
"flag. 1000 people and i marched all around the",
"city, being pepper sprayed and flash bombed on",
"the way. someone even tried (poorly) to recreate",
"what happened in charlottesville by ramming a",
"bike into the crowd. i was wearing a mask the",
"whole time, also waving a flag. by 4:30 pm, we",
"had surrounded the nazis, much to the police's",
"dismay.",
"then, i began to feel a bit dizzy. my vision",
"became a bit fuzzy. eventually i just tried to",
"escape the crowd and find a place to lean.",
"eventually i found a barricade that i leaned on,",
"but it was not enough. i managed to pass out,",
"forcing everyone to move and let the medics help",
"me.",
"i'm waiting for my bus back home as i write. i",
"wasn't able to continue on, unfortunately. i'm",
"just glad that there were medics there to help",
"out."
] |
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i didn't have time to eat lunch, but i went out.
|
13 | 2 | 0.8 | 13 |
so this happened about 30 minutes ago. i have been trying to get into meal prep because i'm tired of coming home and not having any food prepared after work. i live with my parents and my dad usually has days off and tends to eat a lot of our leftovers and doesn't cook so i have to at least make something on the weekends so me and my mom don't starve.
anyways, so for my sunday meal prep i decided on jerk chicken. i've never made it before so i found a decent recipe and decided to give it a shot. fast forward into making it, i got everything ready and was putting everything for the marinade into the food processor. everything was going fine until i added the last ingredient: 1/2 tsp of allspice. i dumped the amount into the food tube thingy and was about to hit the button when my mom asks me something. i stopped to answer and my mom took a deep breath in order to respond to me. she all of a sudden starts coughing and choking and i'm all standing there trying to figure out why she is coughing so much.
not my best moment but for some reason i start laughing maniacally cuz in my own sick mind i find it hilarious. i also realize that i have to go to the bathroom. instead of helping her out, i walk to the bathroom cracking up. finally after going to the bathroom i can hear her yelling at me for laughing which of course i deserve. before i wash my hands though, my eye starts to itch so i wipe my eye. big mistake.
my eye all of a sudden felt like i stuck it with a hot fire poker and the skin around it feels like it's melting. i start freaking out and try to put as much water in my eye as i can stand. during this my nose is running like a waterfall. after a good 10 minutes of water and blotting my eye with wet paper towels, my eye feels a little bit better.
right now i'm still trying to finish the stupid marinade with a wet towel eye patch and my mom is still pissed.
|
trying to make a marinade, ended up making my mom choke, laughed about it, and made myself temporarily blind
|
laughing at my mom choking
|
[
"so this happened about 30 minutes ago. i have been",
"trying to get into meal prep because i'm tired of",
"coming home and not having any food prepared",
"after work. i live with my parents and my dad",
"usually has days off and tends to eat a lot of",
"our leftovers and doesn't cook so i have to at",
"least make something on the weekends so me and my",
"mom don't starve.",
"anyways, so for my sunday meal prep i decided on",
"jerk chicken. i've never made it before so i",
"found a decent recipe and decided to give it a",
"shot. fast forward into making it, i got",
"everything ready and was putting everything for",
"the marinade into the food processor. everything",
"was going fine until i added the last ingredient:",
"1/2 tsp of allspice. i dumped the amount into the",
"food tube thingy and was about to hit the button",
"when my mom asks me something. i stopped to",
"answer and my mom took a deep breath in order to",
"respond to me. she all of a sudden starts",
"coughing and choking and i'm all standing there",
"trying to figure out why she is coughing so much.",
"not my best moment but for some reason i start",
"laughing maniacally cuz in my own sick mind i",
"find it hilarious. i also realize that i have to",
"go to the bathroom. instead of helping her out, i",
"walk to the bathroom cracking up. finally after",
"going to the bathroom i can hear her yelling at",
"me for laughing which of course i deserve. before",
"i wash my hands though, my eye starts to itch so",
"i wipe my eye. big mistake.",
"my eye all of a sudden felt like i stuck it with",
"a hot fire poker and the skin around it feels",
"like it's melting. i start freaking out and try",
"to put as much water in my eye as i can stand.",
"during this my nose is running like a waterfall.",
"after a good 10 minutes of water and blotting my",
"eye with wet paper towels, my eye feels a little",
"bit better.",
"right now i'm still trying to finish the stupid",
"marinade with a wet towel eye patch and my mom is",
"still pissed."
] |
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shot. fast forward into making it, i got right now i'm still trying to finish the stupid marinade with a wet towel eye patch and my mom is
|
23,958 | 2,400 | 0.86 | 23,958 |
this happened 2 hours ago.
i was emailing a .txt containing the latest installment of my fanfiction to myself because i'd written it on my laptop and i wanted to edit it on my desktop.
but i typed in my work email by accident. it's extremely similar to my personal email, but my work email automatically forwards every incoming message to everyone in my department. didn't even think about it.
i've never actually gotten physically sick because of a mistake before. the panic has died down a little. i've begun to accept that this is my life now.
it's not even tame porn you guys.
i'm going to resign tomorrow, early in the morning, by means of a letter; leave my keys to the building in the envelope; and go back to get a different degree. i've been thinking about doing it for a while. guess i don't really have a choice now.
---
**edit:** thank you guys for all the advice and reassurance you've offered. you have no idea how much i needed it. i feel a little more human now, but this thread has gotten away from me.
i still plan on resigning. i liked my job, but my boss will hear about this one way or another and as much as i appreciate all of the lies you've suggested, i honestly can't lie to her. i'm a shitty shitty liar and she's a very sharp woman. i won't get fired, she'd never pay unemployment as long as she lived, but i can't hope to move up in this particular company after something like this, and my life could get very difficult where i'm at.
i intend to go back to school. it's what i've been wanting to do for a long time, but i never had the courage to move forward with it. fortunately the nearby college has a good nursing program and i'm taking steps to register for fall.
now if you'll excuse me i'm going to go lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.
---
**last edit:** i know there might be at most 3 people who see this but i felt the need to update. it's very anticlimactic.
i calmed down before going into work monday and decided not to resign right off the bat. i just walked in like everything was normal and tried not to look at anyone. i sent out an email stating that my personal account had been compromised, and to please delete any messages from my personal account, as they may contain viruses. i felt like a dumbass trying to lie, but nobody approached me or acted strangely all day. my boss didn't even speak to me.
these last few days have been the same. maybe they read it, maybe they didn't, i have no clue. my guess is "no" but that might just be wishful thinking. either way, my life is going on somehow - but i'm definitely never going to email myself porn again.
and for those of you who were curious, it was a hg x lm fic set 5 years after the last book, so no, there was no cp or any other kind of nonsense going on, just regular ol sex between adults, although one is much older than the other. so don't worry. the children are safe.
|
sent a chapter of my harry potter porn to my coworkers earlier today. going to resign in disgrace tomorrow.
|
accidentally emailing everybody in my dept a chapter of my pornographic harry potter fanfiction.
|
[
"this happened 2 hours ago.",
"i was emailing a .txt containing the latest",
"installment of my fanfiction to myself because",
"i'd written it on my laptop and i wanted to edit",
"it on my desktop.",
"but i typed in my work email by accident. it's",
"extremely similar to my personal email, but my",
"work email automatically forwards every incoming",
"message to everyone in my department. didn't even",
"think about it.",
"i've never actually gotten physically sick",
"because of a mistake before. the panic has died",
"down a little. i've begun to accept that this is",
"my life now.",
"it's not even tame porn you guys.",
"i'm going to resign tomorrow, early in the",
"morning, by means of a letter; leave my keys to",
"the building in the envelope; and go back to get",
"a different degree. i've been thinking about",
"doing it for a while. guess i don't really have a",
"choice now.",
"---",
"**edit:** thank you guys for all the advice and",
"reassurance you've offered. you have no idea how",
"much i needed it. i feel a little more human now,",
"but this thread has gotten away from me.",
"i still plan on resigning. i liked my job, but my",
"boss will hear about this one way or another and",
"as much as i appreciate all of the lies you've",
"suggested, i honestly can't lie to her. i'm a",
"shitty shitty liar and she's a very sharp woman.",
"i won't get fired, she'd never pay unemployment",
"as long as she lived, but i can't hope to move up",
"in this particular company after something like",
"this, and my life could get very difficult where",
"i'm at.",
"i intend to go back to school. it's what i've",
"been wanting to do for a long time, but i never",
"had the courage to move forward with it.",
"fortunately the nearby college has a good nursing",
"program and i'm taking steps to register for",
"fall.",
"now if you'll excuse me i'm going to go lie in",
"bed and stare at the ceiling.",
"---",
"**last edit:** i know there might be at most 3",
"people who see this but i felt the need to",
"update. it's very anticlimactic.",
"i calmed down before going into work monday and",
"decided not to resign right off the bat. i just",
"walked in like everything was normal and tried",
"not to look at anyone. i sent out an email",
"stating that my personal account had been",
"compromised, and to please delete any messages",
"from my personal account, as they may contain",
"viruses. i felt like a dumbass trying to lie, but",
"nobody approached me or acted strangely all day.",
"my boss didn't even speak to me.",
"these last few days have been the same. maybe",
"they read it, maybe they didn't, i have no clue.",
"my guess is \"no\" but that might just be wishful",
"thinking. either way, my life is going on somehow",
"- but i'm definitely never going to email myself",
"porn again.",
"and for those of you who were curious, it was a",
"hg x lm fic set 5 years after the last book, so",
"no, there was no cp or any other kind of nonsense",
"going on, just regular ol sex between adults,",
"although one is much older than the other. so",
"don't worry. the children are safe."
] |
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installment of my fanfiction to myself because i'm going to resign tomorrow, early in the porn again.
|
75 | 31 | 0.94 | 75 |
for some context, im 30 years old and live in my girlfriends parents basement. bad housing market and whatnot. its not an ideal situation, but her parents are very accommodating.
today we decided to head out and enjoy the day. taking some back roads into the mountains, we found some water and enjoyed ourselves.
once we arrived back to civilization and cell service, we notice a few missed calls from her father. we think nothing of it and arrive home shortly after.
we arrive to her father absolutely tripping out on weed cookies. turns out he thought we used a new sugar, he thought they tasted a little wierd. he proceeded to eat 2 of them
he says it comes in waves. he forgets then it hits him again. hes been pacing around alot. i feel horrible. in a way its his fault for eating cookies that werent his. i feel like it falls on me for not labeling them.
anyone have any suggestions to help this pass quicker? hes in his early 50s and hasnt done a drug in his life.
|
(?)- didn't label my weed cookies. faather in-law ate 2. hes tripping out a bit.
|
not labeling my edibles.
|
[
"for some context, im 30 years old and live in my",
"girlfriends parents basement. bad housing market",
"and whatnot. its not an ideal situation, but her",
"parents are very accommodating.",
"today we decided to head out and enjoy the day.",
"taking some back roads into the mountains, we",
"found some water and enjoyed ourselves.",
"once we arrived back to civilization and cell",
"service, we notice a few missed calls from her",
"father. we think nothing of it and arrive home",
"shortly after.",
"we arrive to her father absolutely tripping out",
"on weed cookies. turns out he thought we used a",
"new sugar, he thought they tasted a little wierd.",
"he proceeded to eat 2 of them",
"he says it comes in waves. he forgets then it",
"hits him again. hes been pacing around alot. i",
"feel horrible. in a way its his fault for eating",
"cookies that werent his. i feel like it falls on",
"me for not labeling them.",
"anyone have any suggestions to help this pass",
"quicker? hes in his early 50s and hasnt done a",
"drug in his life."
] |
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0.36119742511976666,
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0.07547331293670097,
0,
0.1376427886505596,
0,
0,
0.42648172133006296,
0
] |
we arrive to her father absolutely tripping out on weed cookies. turns out he thought we used a
|
77 | 30 | 0.91 | 77 |
so i got back from home depot to paint the house we just bought in this nice neighborhood. the gallon of paint falls out of truck and breaks spilling all of it on the driveway. panicked it will stain our new driveway, i begin dumping water on it and then spraying it with a hose. satisfied i got as much as i could with those, i begin power washing the driveway. all done and clean. look up and see a giant paint trail that runs down the block and into the next streets. red paint everywhere! panicked i grab a bucket of water and push broom to see if i can clean it. can't. it's already in the concrete. i'll probably get fined some mass amount of money by the city all because there was a bucket of red paint on sale and i thought it would look good on the patio furniture.
|
. moved into new swanky neighborhood. bought paint. spilled paint. washed paint. now the neighborhood streets have paint all them.
|
painting the street red on accident.
|
[
"so i got back from home depot to paint the house",
"we just bought in this nice neighborhood. the",
"gallon of paint falls out of truck and breaks",
"spilling all of it on the driveway. panicked it",
"will stain our new driveway, i begin dumping",
"water on it and then spraying it with a hose.",
"satisfied i got as much as i could with those, i",
"begin power washing the driveway. all done and",
"clean. look up and see a giant paint trail that",
"runs down the block and into the next streets.",
"red paint everywhere! panicked i grab a bucket of",
"water and push broom to see if i can clean it.",
"can't. it's already in the concrete. i'll",
"probably get fined some mass amount of money by",
"the city all because there was a bucket of red",
"paint on sale and i thought it would look good on",
"the patio furniture."
] |
[
0,
0.9517871430041466,
0.2173627288013157,
0.3587661100729685,
1,
0,
0,
0.3047553439273937,
0.09603964737816491,
0.905537203283904,
0.2185623512640254,
0,
0.008116526210438894,
0,
0.35237406409611777,
0.14553737034190425,
0.07999638680948556
] |
we just bought in this nice neighborhood. the begin power washing the driveway. all done and runs down the block and into the next streets.
|
189 | 58 | 0.89 | 189 |
for years i've been wanting to build my own pc for many reasons:
1:) the satisfaction of knowing that i put it together myself
2:) the tingly sensuous i get from powering in my pc knowing that it works
3:) bragging to my friends and family that i now posses a badass computer that i put together on my own
with that being said, i never had the knowledge to just go out and purchase components, a tower, and then assemble everything and have things work properly. so i asked for the help from my good buddy /u/imadv8 who is a techs god and has vast amounts of knowledge on everything that is technology. he built me a fantastical gaming pc on pcpartpicker and instructed me to buy these components in order to create the machine of my dreams. for months i saved up and finally obtained enough cash to purchase everything i needed. i placed the order and waited impatiently for my packages to arrive. when the bell rang my heart began to race as i knew whom the individual on the other side was. i snagged my boxed and tore it open, first opening my psu, then moving to my graphics card, shortly after my motherboard, ram, ssd, and finally my processor. i sweat profusely as i quickly open each package in excitement and set in nicely to the side. i spent copious amounts of time reading each manual carefully to ensure i know what i'm doing and what goes where. it took 4 hours just to assemble the machine, but alas i connect sata cable to my ssd, close up my tower, and power this baby up. everything boots correctly and i load into bios, sweet the bios screen this is so awesome! i read through the various bios settings then insert my windows 10 usb installer and reboot. windows installer loads and i go through the steps to install, this is so exciting! i make it to the drive selection screen, and there's nothing there. i think maybe it's the port i have my ssd plugged into (i have 6 available to me). so i change the port and reboot, same problem. i take the whole machine apart and put it back together, over, and over again, still nothing. for three days, i google answers to all my questions, and found many solutions. i tried solution after solution, but no solution would work for me. finally, after becoming far behind in college due to the inability to get my computer working i get all bummed out and don't do any of my college work. last resort, text /u/imadv8. i tell him my situation, he immediately asks "does bios detect your ssd?" i didn't know, so i loaded up bios and checked, turns out it wasn't detecting it. i respond that it is not and he replies with "do you have power hooked up to the ssd?" i answer yes, in the assumption that my sata cable from my ssd to my motherboard was supplying it power, could not have been more wrong. he informs me that the sata data cable is different than the sata power cable and that the power cable needs a direct line to the psu. i pull everything apart and plug the ssd into the psu. pissed off at how easy this sounds, i reboot my machine into bios, there's my ssd. then i reboot into windows installer, go through the steps, get to the drive selection screen and lone behold, the holy sight that is my ssd in the glorious land of the selection menu. for three days, three days, i died inside, and in 30 seconds that man solved all my problems.
not all heroes wear capes.
|
bought parts to build a pc, didn't hook up power to the ssd, tried for 3 days to install windows.
|
attempting to install windows on a ssd that was unplugged.
|
[
"for years i've been wanting to build my own pc for",
"many reasons:",
"1:) the satisfaction of knowing that i put it",
"together myself",
"2:) the tingly sensuous i get from powering in my",
"pc knowing that it works",
"3:) bragging to my friends and family that i now",
"posses a badass computer that i put together on",
"my own",
"with that being said, i never had the knowledge",
"to just go out and purchase components, a tower,",
"and then assemble everything and have things work",
"properly. so i asked for the help from my good",
"buddy /u/imadv8 who is a techs god and has vast",
"amounts of knowledge on everything that is",
"technology. he built me a fantastical gaming pc",
"on pcpartpicker and instructed me to buy these",
"components in order to create the machine of my",
"dreams. for months i saved up and finally",
"obtained enough cash to purchase everything i",
"needed. i placed the order and waited impatiently",
"for my packages to arrive. when the bell rang my",
"heart began to race as i knew whom the individual",
"on the other side was. i snagged my boxed and",
"tore it open, first opening my psu, then moving",
"to my graphics card, shortly after my",
"motherboard, ram, ssd, and finally my processor.",
"i sweat profusely as i quickly open each package",
"in excitement and set in nicely to the side. i",
"spent copious amounts of time reading each manual",
"carefully to ensure i know what i'm doing and",
"what goes where. it took 4 hours just to assemble",
"the machine, but alas i connect sata cable to my",
"ssd, close up my tower, and power this baby up.",
"everything boots correctly and i load into bios,",
"sweet the bios screen this is so awesome! i read",
"through the various bios settings then insert my",
"windows 10 usb installer and reboot. windows",
"installer loads and i go through the steps to",
"install, this is so exciting! i make it to the",
"drive selection screen, and there's nothing",
"there. i think maybe it's the port i have my ssd",
"plugged into (i have 6 available to me). so i",
"change the port and reboot, same problem. i take",
"the whole machine apart and put it back together,",
"over, and over again, still nothing. for three",
"days, i google answers to all my questions, and",
"found many solutions. i tried solution after",
"solution, but no solution would work for me.",
"finally, after becoming far behind in college due",
"to the inability to get my computer working i get",
"all bummed out and don't do any of my college",
"work. last resort, text /u/imadv8. i tell him my",
"situation, he immediately asks \"does bios detect",
"your ssd?\" i didn't know, so i loaded up bios and",
"checked, turns out it wasn't detecting it. i",
"respond that it is not and he replies with \"do",
"you have power hooked up to the ssd?\" i answer",
"yes, in the assumption that my sata cable from my",
"ssd to my motherboard was supplying it power,",
"could not have been more wrong. he informs me",
"that the sata data cable is different than the",
"sata power cable and that the power cable needs a",
"direct line to the psu. i pull everything apart",
"and plug the ssd into the psu. pissed off at how",
"easy this sounds, i reboot my machine into bios,",
"there's my ssd. then i reboot into windows",
"installer, go through the steps, get to the drive",
"selection screen and lone behold, the holy sight",
"that is my ssd in the glorious land of the",
"selection menu. for three days, three days, i",
"died inside, and in 30 seconds that man solved",
"all my problems.",
"not all heroes wear capes."
] |
[
1,
0,
0.00017346553236629458,
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0,
0.21496642085402487,
0.18816783892621974,
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0.1922557923256611,
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0.01913015506635633,
0.11933037373676486,
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0.4670033537442661,
0.05154408320895042,
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0.18961055567739626,
0.6699395224524777,
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0,
0
] |
for years i've been wanting to build my own pc for you have power hooked up to the ssd?" i answer
|
13 | 15 | 0.7 | 13 |
so my laptop has had overheating issues for the last 2-3 months, and i refused to do anything about it until two days ago, where i decided to watch a video on dismantling my particular model laptop and cleaning it's fan. after removing the keyboard and unplugging everything inside that i could, i attempted to take the motherboard out with a small plastic prying tool meant for cellphone repairs. i don't know exactly happened, but i know for a fact that i damaged something in the motherboard while doing it. i wasn't able to remove the motherboard, and instead i found a video on how to clean your laptop without opening it up (it involves blowing into your laptop's heat exhaust). after that i put everything back together.
i turn on my laptop on the next day, and everything is worse that it was before. my games crashed even more often, and some things simply didn't work properly. on the next day, my start menu wouldn't show anything, and i couldn't open any programs from the search bar. i am genuinely disappointed, as this laptop was really good and costed a grand.
edit: after making a new account on the laptop, it seems to be working fine. i'll try to reinstall all of my programs and see how it goes.
|
opened my laptop and broke the motherboard.
|
dissecting my laptop
|
[
"so my laptop has had overheating issues for the",
"last 2-3 months, and i refused to do anything",
"about it until two days ago, where i decided to",
"watch a video on dismantling my particular model",
"laptop and cleaning it's fan. after removing the",
"keyboard and unplugging everything inside that i",
"could, i attempted to take the motherboard out",
"with a small plastic prying tool meant for",
"cellphone repairs. i don't know exactly happened,",
"but i know for a fact that i damaged something in",
"the motherboard while doing it. i wasn't able to",
"remove the motherboard, and instead i found a",
"video on how to clean your laptop without opening",
"it up (it involves blowing into your laptop's",
"heat exhaust). after that i put everything back",
"together.",
"i turn on my laptop on the next day, and",
"everything is worse that it was before. my games",
"crashed even more often, and some things simply",
"didn't work properly. on the next day, my start",
"menu wouldn't show anything, and i couldn't open",
"any programs from the search bar. i am genuinely",
"disappointed, as this laptop was really good and",
"costed a grand.",
"edit: after making a new account on the laptop,",
"it seems to be working fine. i'll try to",
"reinstall all of my programs and see how it goes."
] |
[
0.6551494631071427,
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0.0055845792641737195,
0.7552037604483413,
0.012408133696301577,
0.418188943954283,
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0.14393802962765498,
0,
0.12159971206801773,
0,
0.10308626107998715
] |
i turn on my laptop on the next day, and
|
20 | 19 | 0.75 | 20 |
##pens
my first experience of **hell itch** was in my lower teens when my family and i spent a day fishing at a local stream without sunscreen.
to celebrate that milestone we go fishing again, two days later.
this time we decide to invest in some sunscreen, hoping to learn from our already scarlet flesh.
sadly, the damage was done and on the ride home, i began to feel this terrible, ever-present**itch** on my back and ask my dad to pull over. the **itch**ing only grows until i pour ice-cold water over my back from a cooler, providing immediate, amazing relief... for about two minutes a splash. at the end of those two minutes, the **itch** returns all the worse for the waiting. we eventually just get in the car and i white-knuckle it the hour and a half home, the **itch** dragging it's claws through my back more slowly and less deeply all the while.
time goes on.
##needles
i'm now in my upper teens and home for summer break. like a dutiful, capitalistic youngster, i volunteer to mow and trim the lawn (4+ acres) for a tidy sum of cash. parents agree, and i get to mowing without a shirt, sunscreen, or care in the world.
two days later, i feel **it**.
everything is terrible, i hate everything in life.
the **itch** is back, i sit in my computer chair until i feel a twinge, a scratch, an ant-sized **itch**. making a terrible mistake, i decide to shower, with the thought that i might be having an allergic reaction to something and should wash it off. the shower involves water, soap, all things that can dry out skin. i try to get out of the shower several times over the next few hours, each with the **itch** returning, immediate and unrelenting. finally the water runs cold, exhaustion hits, and i retreat to my bed to restlessly toss and turn until lucifer grows bored.
time goes on.
##knives
i am now twenty-three and am driving back west from a funeral in the south, i am feeling grief and the certain shade of guilt you get when you leave behind someone who you loved.
now, i have a personal rule to not become intoxicated while excessively sad, angry, nervous, or depressed; as i'm of the mindset that mind-alteration should be on occasion of celebration, not grief. however, i do hold the notion that a medicine, correctly applied, can be healing, regardless of the source. regardless, i was past the angry stage, past the depressive state, and was beginning to accept that a figure in my childhood had moved forward.
all that rushes through my head as i sit in my parked car, hands still on the wheel, staring across a lush mountain stream. i sit there for a few minutes, alternatively noting the lack of passing cars and the refreshing water.
with my first heart-felt smile in a while, i get out of my car and quickly shuck my oxfords in favor of chacos, my stiff slacks for six-year-old cargo shorts, and my faded tee shirt for my gleaming, pearlescent torso laid bare to the glare of god. in my right hand is my phone. in my left is my preferred method of cannabis consumption. my pockets hold my water, a kind bar, and a set of keys.
and so prepared, i enjoy the next several hours climbing over rocks, jumping between river islands, and photographing all that i see. throughout, i narrate this wonderful experience to nature. i accept my past.
all this i dump into my verbal diary until all my words run dry and give way to three words.
**"i can swim"**
i threw my shirt onto a giant rock in the river and promptly jump into the silky, deliciously clean mountain water. an hour passes as i alternate between floating down the river and swimming back upstream.
all the while, god's frown only deepened and his gaze sharpened upon my porcelain skin.
and so it was that i found myself finishing the day by drying off with the towel my car, judas, had been warming up for me. my shorts were soaked, but i felt they matched the happy path this road trip had taken.
the next seven hours weren't too remarkable, but the driving was made exceptionally pleasant from the lack of cars on the road and the warm spring air coming through judas's windows. i fell asleep almost immediately when i arrived home that night.
yesterday morning was uneventful; i was laid in bed feeling the unpleasant, but manageable burn that accompanies a sunburn. the day went well and i go through another evening shift with red arms coming out of my scrubs.
not remembering the past, i take my routine evening shower. not more than five minutes following the shower, i begin to feel little tickles on my back; little pinpricks of pain. i dismissed these foolishly.
if only i had the foresight to bring sunscreen before the pens grew into needles and the needles grew into knives and the knives continued to stab into my flesh, repeatedly and constantly as i tried to force myself to sleep.
having had enough, i forced myself to jump back into the shower and spray scolding hot water onto my already tender, painful skin.
there i stood, experiencing a new pain from the water. i prayed the **itch** wouldn't return when i the water left. i spent that shower waiting. i waited for benadryl to knock me out. i waited for the water temperature to stop the **itch**, i waited for the benadryl to be expired and kill me with a heart attack - i didn't care, i just waited.
i felt i was empty husk when i stepped from that shower, so terrified to have hope. i stepped out of the shower and had the realization that the monster on my back was calm, the hot water had sated him in a way i hadn't dare hope for. i gingerly stepped into my room, crawled under the covers and felt an ember of hope begin to smolder in my trembling chest.
today when i woke, i was afraid of the sensation moving might bring me. thankfully, the morning air was kind and i began my day normally aside from than the two or three needles randomly and infrequently. my hope that i was through with the **itch** was a match light.
but the match flickered and those needles began to grow once again to spike my mind and muscles into action and spasm.
in response to with the growing pain, i grew angry, took another benadryl in defiance of my latest glass of caffeine, and i paced, running through my options, before suddenly snapping.
i begin doing push-ups.
i do bicep curls.
i do sit ups.
i defy
pain.
i look right in it's eyes and say that i'm tired; i accept your message and i will move past you.
maybe it was the increased circulation, maybe the exercise over-road the pain from the **itch**, but i don't definitively know how the pain was stopped.
i sit here without pain, i moved past the itch.
but judas is now hanging on to a bottle of spf 70.
|
i have the most white person problem - i develop a strange reaction to over exposure to the sun. this reaction occurs most commonly in individuals of northern-european descent and remains relatively undocumented and is joyfully called hell itch. this post is a true retelling of my past and current experiences with hell itch. google "hell itch" for more horror stories. or go to the subreddit /u/hellsitch. thank you for reading!
|
getting sunburnt. - the hell itch chronicles
|
[
"##pens",
"my first experience of **hell itch** was in my",
"lower teens when my family and i spent a day",
"fishing at a local stream without sunscreen.",
"to celebrate that milestone we go fishing again,",
"two days later.",
"this time we decide to invest in some sunscreen,",
"hoping to learn from our already scarlet flesh.",
"sadly, the damage was done and on the ride home,",
"i began to feel this terrible,",
"ever-present**itch** on my back and ask my dad to",
"pull over. the **itch**ing only grows until i",
"pour ice-cold water over my back from a cooler,",
"providing immediate, amazing relief... for about",
"two minutes a splash. at the end of those two",
"minutes, the **itch** returns all the worse for",
"the waiting. we eventually just get in the car",
"and i white-knuckle it the hour and a half home,",
"the **itch** dragging it's claws through my back",
"more slowly and less deeply all the while.",
"time goes on.\n\n##needles",
"i'm now in my upper teens and home for summer",
"break. like a dutiful, capitalistic youngster, i",
"volunteer to mow and trim the lawn (4+ acres) for",
"a tidy sum of cash. parents agree, and i get to",
"mowing without a shirt, sunscreen, or care in the",
"world.",
"two days later, i feel **it**.",
"everything is terrible, i hate everything in",
"life.",
"the **itch** is back, i sit in my computer chair",
"until i feel a twinge, a scratch, an ant-sized",
"**itch**. making a terrible mistake, i decide to",
"shower, with the thought that i might be having",
"an allergic reaction to something and should wash",
"it off. the shower involves water, soap, all",
"things that can dry out skin. i try to get out of",
"the shower several times over the next few hours,",
"each with the **itch** returning, immediate and",
"unrelenting. finally the water runs cold,",
"exhaustion hits, and i retreat to my bed to",
"restlessly toss and turn until lucifer grows",
"bored.",
"time goes on.\n\n##knives",
"i am now twenty-three and am driving back west",
"from a funeral in the south, i am feeling grief",
"and the certain shade of guilt you get when you",
"leave behind someone who you loved.",
"now, i have a personal rule to not become",
"intoxicated while excessively sad, angry,",
"nervous, or depressed; as i'm of the mindset that",
"mind-alteration should be on occasion of",
"celebration, not grief. however, i do hold the",
"notion that a medicine, correctly applied, can be",
"healing, regardless of the source. regardless, i",
"was past the angry stage, past the depressive",
"state, and was beginning to accept that a figure",
"in my childhood had moved forward.",
"all that rushes through my head as i sit in my",
"parked car, hands still on the wheel, staring",
"across a lush mountain stream. i sit there for a",
"few minutes, alternatively noting the lack of",
"passing cars and the refreshing water.",
"with my first heart-felt smile in a while, i get",
"out of my car and quickly shuck my oxfords in",
"favor of chacos, my stiff slacks for six-year-old",
"cargo shorts, and my faded tee shirt for my",
"gleaming, pearlescent torso laid bare to the",
"glare of god. in my right hand is my phone. in my",
"left is my preferred method of cannabis",
"consumption. my pockets hold my water, a kind",
"bar, and a set of keys.",
"and so prepared, i enjoy the next several hours",
"climbing over rocks, jumping between river",
"islands, and photographing all that i see.",
"throughout, i narrate this wonderful experience",
"to nature. i accept my past.",
"all this i dump into my verbal diary until all my",
"words run dry and give way to three words.",
"**\"i can swim\"**",
"i threw my shirt onto a giant rock in the river",
"and promptly jump into the silky, deliciously",
"clean mountain water. an hour passes as i",
"alternate between floating down the river and",
"swimming back upstream.",
"all the while, god's frown only deepened and his",
"gaze sharpened upon my porcelain skin.",
"and so it was that i found myself finishing the",
"day by drying off with the towel my car, judas,",
"had been warming up for me. my shorts were",
"soaked, but i felt they matched the happy path",
"this road trip had taken.",
"the next seven hours weren't too remarkable, but",
"the driving was made exceptionally pleasant from",
"the lack of cars on the road and the warm spring",
"air coming through judas's windows. i fell asleep",
"almost immediately when i arrived home that",
"night.",
"yesterday morning was uneventful; i was laid in",
"bed feeling the unpleasant, but manageable burn",
"that accompanies a sunburn. the day went well and",
"i go through another evening shift with red arms",
"coming out of my scrubs.",
"not remembering the past, i take my routine",
"evening shower. not more than five minutes",
"following the shower, i begin to feel little",
"tickles on my back; little pinpricks of pain. i",
"dismissed these foolishly.",
"if only i had the foresight to bring sunscreen",
"before the pens grew into needles and the needles",
"grew into knives and the knives continued to stab",
"into my flesh, repeatedly and constantly as i",
"tried to force myself to sleep.",
"having had enough, i forced myself to jump back",
"into the shower and spray scolding hot water onto",
"my already tender, painful skin.",
"there i stood, experiencing a new pain from the",
"water. i prayed the **itch** wouldn't return when",
"i the water left. i spent that shower waiting. i",
"waited for benadryl to knock me out. i waited for",
"the water temperature to stop the **itch**, i",
"waited for the benadryl to be expired and kill me",
"with a heart attack - i didn't care, i just",
"waited.",
"i felt i was empty husk when i stepped from that",
"shower, so terrified to have hope. i stepped out",
"of the shower and had the realization that the",
"monster on my back was calm, the hot water had",
"sated him in a way i hadn't dare hope for. i",
"gingerly stepped into my room, crawled under the",
"covers and felt an ember of hope begin to smolder",
"in my trembling chest.",
"today when i woke, i was afraid of the sensation",
"moving might bring me. thankfully, the morning",
"air was kind and i began my day normally aside",
"from than the two or three needles randomly and",
"infrequently. my hope that i was through with the",
"**itch** was a match light.",
"but the match flickered and those needles began",
"to grow once again to spike my mind and muscles",
"into action and spasm.",
"in response to with the growing pain, i grew",
"angry, took another benadryl in defiance of my",
"latest glass of caffeine, and i paced, running",
"through my options, before suddenly snapping.",
"i begin doing push-ups.\n\ni do bicep curls.",
"i do sit ups.\n\ni defy\n\npain.",
"i look right in it's eyes and say that i'm tired;",
"i accept your message and i will move past you.",
"maybe it was the increased circulation, maybe the",
"exercise over-road the pain from the **itch**,",
"but i don't definitively know how the pain was",
"stopped.",
"i sit here without pain, i moved past the itch.",
"but judas is now hanging on to a bottle of spf",
"70."
] |
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my first experience of **hell itch** was in my i began to feel this terrible, minutes, the **itch** returns all the worse for everything is terrible, i hate everything in an allergic reaction to something and should wash now, i have a personal rule to not become to nature. i accept my past. i go through another evening shift with red arms coming out of my scrubs. evening shower. not more than five minutes
|
25 | 22 | 0.79 | 25 |
so one day i thought to myself. hey! i'm pretty hungry i'll make cookies. so at the time i didnt know how to operate basic appliances. so since i'm too lazy/stupid to figure how to operate an oven i was like pffft i don't have time to learn that i will just put that in the microwav because that makes sense to me apparently. so when my genius intelligence i took a large plate and a large scoop (i had a tub of cookie dough at the time) of cookie dough. then i had the brilliant idea of putting the cookie for 5-10 minutes in the microwave. since i put the cookie dough in there for that long it got dark brown/black and slowly started to explode. so long story short the cookie dough exploded and got all over the microwave my mom wasn't happy and that's why i'm not allowed to use the microwave because i've blown up 3 things in it.
|
i blew up cookie dough in the microwave and now my mom won't let me use the microwave.
|
blowing up cookie dough
|
[
"so one day i thought to myself. hey! i'm pretty",
"hungry i'll make cookies. so at the time i didnt",
"know how to operate basic appliances. so since",
"i'm too lazy/stupid to figure how to operate an",
"oven i was like pffft i don't have time to learn",
"that i will just put that in the microwav because",
"that makes sense to me apparently. so when my",
"genius intelligence i took a large plate and a",
"large scoop (i had a tub of cookie dough at the",
"time) of cookie dough. then i had the brilliant",
"idea of putting the cookie for 5-10 minutes in",
"the microwave. since i put the cookie dough in",
"there for that long it got dark brown/black and",
"slowly started to explode. so long story short",
"the cookie dough exploded and got all over the",
"microwave my mom wasn't happy and that's why i'm",
"not allowed to use the microwave because i've",
"blown up 3 things in it."
] |
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the microwave. since i put the cookie dough in microwave my mom wasn't happy and that's why i'm
|
117 | 50 | 0.96 | 117 |
so here's the scoop. i'm a senior undergrad and this is my last semester. the semester has gotten busy, especially with a final capstone research project i've been working on. last night i received an email stating my draft was due tomorrow, a full 2 weeks before i anticipated it.
naturally, i hadn't even finished the work for the project, let alone any of the reports, because lol procrastination. so i tell myself i'm gonna buckle down and complete the all the work over night, and all will be great and right in the world. except the program i need to use is buggy as hell and the models are way more complicated to run than i had thought.
so i fight the good fight, and what do you know, pulled and all nighter and didn't even finish. awesome right? but wait i still need to commute my hour drive to campus. people can function on 0 hours of sleep going 70 on a highway right?
well it turns out my eyelids are more fucking dense than the sun and i just couldn't hold them open. ended up falling asleep at the wheel and turned into a median. thankfully i only lost my side view mirror (and all my bowels knoimsaying) and scuffed/scratched the hell out of my car. one hell of scare, has me feeling like i ding donged ditched satan.
|
always sleep. just not at the wheel.
|
pulling an all nighter
|
[
"so here's the scoop. i'm a senior undergrad and",
"this is my last semester. the semester has gotten",
"busy, especially with a final capstone research",
"project i've been working on. last night i",
"received an email stating my draft was due",
"tomorrow, a full 2 weeks before i anticipated it.",
"naturally, i hadn't even finished the work for",
"the project, let alone any of the reports,",
"because lol procrastination. so i tell myself i'm",
"gonna buckle down and complete the all the work",
"over night, and all will be great and right in",
"the world. except the program i need to use is",
"buggy as hell and the models are way more",
"complicated to run than i had thought.",
"so i fight the good fight, and what do you know,",
"pulled and all nighter and didn't even finish.",
"awesome right? but wait i still need to commute",
"my hour drive to campus. people can function on 0",
"hours of sleep going 70 on a highway right?",
"well it turns out my eyelids are more fucking",
"dense than the sun and i just couldn't hold them",
"open. ended up falling asleep at the wheel and",
"turned into a median. thankfully i only lost my",
"side view mirror (and all my bowels knoimsaying)",
"and scuffed/scratched the hell out of my car. one",
"hell of scare, has me feeling like i ding donged",
"ditched satan."
] |
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open. ended up falling asleep at the wheel and
|
49 | 5 | 0.89 | 49 |
i live in an aparment complex that has garden plots that tenants can sign up for and use for the summer each year. it's finally nice weather out so they just opened this week and i wanted to get out there and start weeding, loosen the soil a bit, plan out the plot, lots of prep stuff before actually planting this weekend. yesterday was gorgeous so i decided it would be a good time to do all that after i got out of work. so, i got out and decided to get dinner started while i was out in the garden. i was planning on tacos with black beans so i got the beans going in a pot of water (normally takes at least 45 minutes of simmering for dried beans to become edible, most of the time they're good for at least an hour to an hour and a half). so, the pot's boiling, i've still got a good 2 hours of sunlight left, and i head out to the garden. twenty minutes in, my so went and checked on them and said they were a little low on water so he added some more.
forty five minutes later, the dirt's good to go for this weekend's planting. i'm fantasizing about tacos when i hear the fire alarm's going off. shit. i started walking a little faster hoping that it's just a little smoky. nope. smoke's pouring out of my apartment's windows. the police had just gotten there and the fire department's on their way (the building's alarms automatically contact emergency services. i ran in to take the damn beans on the stove and get the cat out. there's no fire, just a ton of smoke, a very upset kitty cat, and a few annoyed neighbors. now i have to take a fire safety course mandated by my lease and everything in my apartment smells like burnt beans. at least things didn't turn out much, much worse.
|
gardened, made dinner, smoked the house and the cat (cat's ok)
|
being an idiot and trying to do too many domestic things at once
|
[
"i live in an aparment complex that has garden",
"plots that tenants can sign up for and use for",
"the summer each year. it's finally nice weather",
"out so they just opened this week and i wanted to",
"get out there and start weeding, loosen the soil",
"a bit, plan out the plot, lots of prep stuff",
"before actually planting this weekend. yesterday",
"was gorgeous so i decided it would be a good time",
"to do all that after i got out of work. so, i got",
"out and decided to get dinner started while i was",
"out in the garden. i was planning on tacos with",
"black beans so i got the beans going in a pot of",
"water (normally takes at least 45 minutes of",
"simmering for dried beans to become edible, most",
"of the time they're good for at least an hour to",
"an hour and a half). so, the pot's boiling, i've",
"still got a good 2 hours of sunlight left, and i",
"head out to the garden. twenty minutes in, my so",
"went and checked on them and said they were a",
"little low on water so he added some more.",
"forty five minutes later, the dirt's good to go",
"for this weekend's planting. i'm fantasizing",
"about tacos when i hear the fire alarm's going",
"off. shit. i started walking a little faster",
"hoping that it's just a little smoky. nope.",
"smoke's pouring out of my apartment's windows.",
"the police had just gotten there and the fire",
"department's on their way (the building's alarms",
"automatically contact emergency services. i ran",
"in to take the damn beans on the stove and get",
"the cat out. there's no fire, just a ton of",
"smoke, a very upset kitty cat, and a few annoyed",
"neighbors. now i have to take a fire safety",
"course mandated by my lease and everything in my",
"apartment smells like burnt beans. at least",
"things didn't turn out much, much worse."
] |
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the police had just gotten there and the fire the cat out. there's no fire, just a ton of
|
37 | 18 | 0.84 | 37 |
i have waited for several years for coldplay to perform in asia where i live in. tickets in alot of countries in asia were sold out but the one in japan wasn't released to the public yet. so i waited to buy online at the official site during the general public sale, but they were sold out within seconds. this was the fu when i purchased two tickets from **viagogo** for coldplay performing on the 19th of april in tokyo dome. i did my research about **viagogo** everywhere along with other third party sites and it had a f ton of bad reviews everywhere in the internet. i even went to yahoo jp auction website to register but it required authentication in japanese. i was desperate for the tickets that i went on ahead and spent *$567* for two tickets from **viagogo** anyway.
more than a week before the event, i received two incorrect tickets to norah jones which happens in a few days. and even if i were to send it back it wouldn't make it. i tried contacting them about it but i have never heard back since. back when i needed help with changing the delivery address they were willing to reply to my e-mail but after getting the incorrect tickets they have been ignoring my emails.
update: viagogo contacted me close to midnight before the event day itself. so they asked me to collect the tickets at a post office about 3 hours before the event. went there, met alot of people who were also going through the same thing. not sure if they got theirs in the end, but i received mine and got to the concert !
|
**viagogo** went radio silent after sending me wrong tickets to another concert which costs 30% of what i actually paid for.
|
purchasing concert tickets from viagogo
|
[
"i have waited for several years for coldplay to",
"perform in asia where i live in. tickets in alot",
"of countries in asia were sold out but the one in",
"japan wasn't released to the public yet. so i",
"waited to buy online at the official site during",
"the general public sale, but they were sold out",
"within seconds. this was the fu when i purchased",
"two tickets from **viagogo** for coldplay",
"performing on the 19th of april in tokyo dome. i",
"did my research about **viagogo** everywhere",
"along with other third party sites and it had a f",
"ton of bad reviews everywhere in the internet. i",
"even went to yahoo jp auction website to register",
"but it required authentication in japanese. i was",
"desperate for the tickets that i went on ahead",
"and spent *$567* for two tickets from **viagogo**",
"anyway.",
"more than a week before the event, i received two",
"incorrect tickets to norah jones which happens in",
"a few days. and even if i were to send it back it",
"wouldn't make it. i tried contacting them about",
"it but i have never heard back since. back when i",
"needed help with changing the delivery address",
"they were willing to reply to my e-mail but after",
"getting the incorrect tickets they have been",
"ignoring my emails.",
"update: viagogo contacted me close to midnight",
"before the event day itself. so they asked me to",
"collect the tickets at a post office about 3",
"hours before the event. went there, met alot of",
"people who were also going through the same",
"thing. not sure if they got theirs in the end,",
"but i received mine and got to the concert !"
] |
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desperate for the tickets that i went on ahead incorrect tickets to norah jones which happens in update: viagogo contacted me close to midnight
|
140 | 36 | 0.96 | 140 |
usually, i'm just content with just lurking around reddit. however, this just happened to me and i figured i might as well make an account to post it.
my sister and i were waiting for our mother as she was ordering some food. rather than sit down inside the restaurant with our mama (which, in retrospect, would have made the most sense), we stayed outside and leaned on the railings overlooking the mall. first mistake.
had my back to the railing and was constantly shuffling and re-adjusting, because it's uncomfortable to lean on a railing while wearing a backpack (with a water bottle in its side pocket to boot). second mistake.
after a few minutes of being distracted on my cellphone (third mistake) i hear a loud crash and some murmuring below. i turned to look at my sister, who had a horrified expression on her face.
below us was a group senior citizens seated at a coffee shop. they were all staring up towards us angrily. amazingly, the bottle didn't give anybody a concussion but did land dangerously close to a sickly old dude in a wheelchair, of all people. literally, beside his wheelchair.
decided i'd man up, go downstairs to pick up my water bottle and steeled myself for the verbal lashing of a lifetime. went down, picked up the bottle, looked at them and mustered up the courage to say what best apology i could think of at the moment,
"uhhh. sorry about that."
nobody was hurt, but it did give them a mini heart attack. (i mean, they're old) also, they got kinda wet. (but not that kind of wet, i hope) and they didn't take my apology too well either. needless to say, i got a good scolding from those senior citizens.
i feel like a total dope but at least i didn't kill anyone.
surprisingly held up pretty well but i need a new water bottle now.
http://i.imgur.com/auwngbm.jpg
|
dropped water bottle on table full of old people and almost hit an old dude in a wheelchair.
|
accidentally dropping a bottle from the third floor onto a table of senior citizens
|
[
"usually, i'm just content with just lurking around",
"reddit. however, this just happened to me and i",
"figured i might as well make an account to post",
"it.",
"my sister and i were waiting for our mother as",
"she was ordering some food. rather than sit down",
"inside the restaurant with our mama (which, in",
"retrospect, would have made the most sense), we",
"stayed outside and leaned on the railings",
"overlooking the mall. first mistake.",
"had my back to the railing and was constantly",
"shuffling and re-adjusting, because it's",
"uncomfortable to lean on a railing while wearing",
"a backpack (with a water bottle in its side",
"pocket to boot). second mistake.",
"after a few minutes of being distracted on my",
"cellphone (third mistake) i hear a loud crash and",
"some murmuring below. i turned to look at my",
"sister, who had a horrified expression on her",
"face.",
"below us was a group senior citizens seated at a",
"coffee shop. they were all staring up towards us",
"angrily. amazingly, the bottle didn't give",
"anybody a concussion but did land dangerously",
"close to a sickly old dude in a wheelchair, of",
"all people. literally, beside his wheelchair.",
"decided i'd man up, go downstairs to pick up my",
"water bottle and steeled myself for the verbal",
"lashing of a lifetime. went down, picked up the",
"bottle, looked at them and mustered up the",
"courage to say what best apology i could think of",
"at the moment,",
"\"uhhh. sorry about that.\"",
"nobody was hurt, but it did give them a mini",
"heart attack. (i mean, they're old) also, they",
"got kinda wet. (but not that kind of wet, i hope)",
"and they didn't take my apology too well either.",
"needless to say, i got a good scolding from those",
"senior citizens.",
"i feel like a total dope but at least i didn't",
"kill anyone.",
"surprisingly held up pretty well but i need a new",
"water bottle now.",
"http://i.imgur.com/auwngbm.jpg"
] |
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close to a sickly old dude in a wheelchair, of water bottle now.
|
50 | 16 | 0.8 | 50 |
okay, so it's not a major fuck up, but it's something.
today was the last day of class so all my friends and i went out drinking.
i ended up walking home with the guy i have a crush on and the girl he was about to sleep with so i was in a bad mood on top of the fact i didn't eat today.
so when i got to my actual house i decided to make a breakfast sandwich and some pancakes (not eating isn't healthy, kids). so i made myself my sandwich and cakes... the issue was that i was still drunk... oops.
so... normally when i make food i enjoy spice, i put hot sauce on a lot of things. drunk me decided it was a great idea to put a lot of hot sauce on my breakfast sandwich.
by the time i made it to said sandwich i had forgotten due to the alcohol and took a giant bite of this stupid sandwich expecting bacon bliss and getting a nice hot sauce burn, to the point i just sat with my mouth open for over a minute. and now i'm laying in bed with the "too spicy" feeling typing this up until the feeling goes away and i can go to bed,
|
the risk of cooking drunk isn't burning the house down, it's burning your mouth.
|
cooking drunk
|
[
"okay, so it's not a major fuck up, but it's",
"something.",
"today was the last day of class so all my friends",
"and i went out drinking.",
"i ended up walking home with the guy i have a",
"crush on and the girl he was about to sleep with",
"so i was in a bad mood on top of the fact i",
"didn't eat today.",
"so when i got to my actual house i decided to",
"make a breakfast sandwich and some pancakes (not",
"eating isn't healthy, kids). so i made myself my",
"sandwich and cakes... the issue was that i was",
"still drunk... oops.",
"so... normally when i make food i enjoy spice, i",
"put hot sauce on a lot of things. drunk me",
"decided it was a great idea to put a lot of hot",
"sauce on my breakfast sandwich.",
"by the time i made it to said sandwich i had",
"forgotten due to the alcohol and took a giant",
"bite of this stupid sandwich expecting bacon",
"bliss and getting a nice hot sauce burn, to the",
"point i just sat with my mouth open for over a",
"minute. and now i'm laying in bed with the \"too",
"spicy\" feeling typing this up until the feeling",
"goes away and i can go to bed,"
] |
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today was the last day of class so all my friends still drunk... oops.
|
174 | 45 | 0.84 | 174 |
well it was a really boring day, so i decided i will have some fun with fire and electricity (i know, that's a wise idea)
my mother is away for a couple of days, and my grandma is with me. it was around 11 pm, i started doing some flame throwers with my deodorant. and all of a sudden, i got a brilliant idea. why not just try to connect a light bulb to power?
disclaimer : i'm not very clever, and i don't know anything about electricity.
i've had some spare cables in my room, so i grabbed one of my psu cables, cut the output away, got rid of the isolation, and viola! i took the light bulb, and decided to record it with my phone, as i thought the light bulb was going to explode or something like that. i wanted to have something that would cover my hand, and the only thing i had nearby was a plastic glove. good thing i used it.
so i started the recording, plugged the cable in, and connected the end of it to the light bulb. as you probably may have already predicted, the cable sparkled, and the electricity went out. my grandma got scared. well i got scared shitless as well. i dropped the cable instantly, and took my phone away from it, because i was scared it might get damaged. the glove got all black, with a little marks of melting on it. well i'm glad i didn't do it bare handed, as i might've gotten a hand burn, or get electrified (probably to my death)
the video : https://youtu.be/nwbqq6tbsrc
|
i connected a lightbulb to a 230v output using a psu cable, because i thought the lightbulb would explode, and the power went out after i tried it, probably almost killing me.
|
connecting a lightbulb directly to a 230v output (with video)
|
[
"well it was a really boring day, so i decided i",
"will have some fun with fire and electricity (i",
"know, that's a wise idea)",
"my mother is away for a couple of days, and my",
"grandma is with me. it was around 11 pm, i",
"started doing some flame throwers with my",
"deodorant. and all of a sudden, i got a brilliant",
"idea. why not just try to connect a light bulb to",
"power?",
"disclaimer : i'm not very clever, and i don't",
"know anything about electricity.",
"i've had some spare cables in my room, so i",
"grabbed one of my psu cables, cut the output",
"away, got rid of the isolation, and viola! i took",
"the light bulb, and decided to record it with my",
"phone, as i thought the light bulb was going to",
"explode or something like that. i wanted to have",
"something that would cover my hand, and the only",
"thing i had nearby was a plastic glove. good",
"thing i used it.",
"so i started the recording, plugged the cable in,",
"and connected the end of it to the light bulb. as",
"you probably may have already predicted, the",
"cable sparkled, and the electricity went out. my",
"grandma got scared. well i got scared shitless as",
"well. i dropped the cable instantly, and took my",
"phone away from it, because i was scared it might",
"get damaged. the glove got all black, with a",
"little marks of melting on it. well i'm glad i",
"didn't do it bare handed, as i might've gotten a",
"hand burn, or get electrified (probably to my",
"death)",
"the video : https://youtu.be/nwbqq6tbsrc"
] |
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] |
power? phone, as i thought the light bulb was going to cable sparkled, and the electricity went out. my phone away from it, because i was scared it might
|
1,479 | 174 | 0.92 | 1,479 |
this tifu happened a year and a half ago. i was living in arizona when i got a job offer in new york. i took the job, flew out to get started. my wife stayed home to get the house packed.
a few weeks later i flew back to arizona to bring the spouse and house out east with me. it was a pretty crazy weekend. i pulled the moving truck and tow dolly into the backyard through the rv gate so we could load it, this made everything much easier. monday we finished getting the last few things packed and were getting ready to pull away from the house. the house was empty, i hooked up the tow dolly and started to make my way to the front of the house.
now i live off of a busy street. the penske truck probably cleared the opening in my gate by an inch or two on each side. it was real close. but i successfully navigated the truck through the opening, and i waited somewhat patiently for traffic to clear. when there was an opening, i jumped out. what i did not pay enough attention to was that pesky tow dolly i had behind me. i clipped the gate on the right, it jumped over somehow and hit the left gate, then proceeded to pull over a 15' section of block wall.
i was supposed to be in new york in a few days and i obviously didn't have time to fix things before i left. i got a friend to come over and help me move what i could into my backyard (broken block, bending the pieces with the rebar over so it wouldn't gore people walking down the sidewalk). he told me he would get a few quotes done on it and let me know.
he didn't, but i was out of state so it wasn't at the front of my mind. our renters didn't care (it was a weird situation, they were family of a friend and he was paying their rent...that's a whole different tifu). i ended up asking for a few quotes, and ended up sending one over to my home owner's insurance.
now months go by and i have heard nothing back, i find out that my rep with this insurance company had quit and somehow no one took my case over. i finally got the check. for about 30% of what the quote was. they take the deductible out which i expected, but they also adjust for depreciation (things you learn as a first time home owner). this left me with nowhere near enough to repair the wall.
in the mean time, a guy in my neighborhood that is pushing for an hoa keeps calling the city and complaining about my wall that has not been repaired. the city keeps sending me notices, i keep calling them back and leaving messages that are never returned. all of this amounts to well over a thousand dollars in fines.
end of story, i youtubed how to build a block wall, flew home for a weekend and rebuilt it. still paying off the fine with the city.
the great thing about this is, i wanted to do a time lapse of the moving truck filling up. i had set the gopro up and had it running the whole time, so fortunately i was able to record the destruction and relive that memory as often as i want. and so for your viewing pleasure...
|
i used a moving truck to tear down a block wall. [watch it here.](http://imgur.com/loejlg6)
|
using my penske truck to knock down my block wall
|
[
"this tifu happened a year and a half ago. i was",
"living in arizona when i got a job offer in new",
"york. i took the job, flew out to get started.",
"my wife stayed home to get the house packed.",
"a few weeks later i flew back to arizona to bring",
"the spouse and house out east with me. it was a",
"pretty crazy weekend. i pulled the moving truck",
"and tow dolly into the backyard through the rv",
"gate so we could load it, this made everything",
"much easier. monday we finished getting the last",
"few things packed and were getting ready to pull",
"away from the house. the house was empty, i",
"hooked up the tow dolly and started to make my",
"way to the front of the house.",
"now i live off of a busy street. the penske",
"truck probably cleared the opening in my gate by",
"an inch or two on each side. it was real close.",
"but i successfully navigated the truck through",
"the opening, and i waited somewhat patiently for",
"traffic to clear. when there was an opening, i",
"jumped out. what i did not pay enough attention",
"to was that pesky tow dolly i had behind me. i",
"clipped the gate on the right, it jumped over",
"somehow and hit the left gate, then proceeded to",
"pull over a 15' section of block wall.",
"i was supposed to be in new york in a few days",
"and i obviously didn't have time to fix things",
"before i left. i got a friend to come over and",
"help me move what i could into my backyard",
"(broken block, bending the pieces with the rebar",
"over so it wouldn't gore people walking down the",
"sidewalk). he told me he would get a few quotes",
"done on it and let me know.",
"he didn't, but i was out of state so it wasn't at",
"the front of my mind. our renters didn't care",
"(it was a weird situation, they were family of a",
"friend and he was paying their rent...that's a",
"whole different tifu). i ended up asking for a",
"few quotes, and ended up sending one over to my",
"home owner's insurance.",
"now months go by and i have heard nothing back, i",
"find out that my rep with this insurance company",
"had quit and somehow no one took my case over. i",
"finally got the check. for about 30% of what the",
"quote was. they take the deductible out which i",
"expected, but they also adjust for depreciation",
"(things you learn as a first time home owner).",
"this left me with nowhere near enough to repair",
"the wall.",
"in the mean time, a guy in my neighborhood that",
"is pushing for an hoa keeps calling the city and",
"complaining about my wall that has not been",
"repaired. the city keeps sending me notices, i",
"keep calling them back and leaving messages that",
"are never returned. all of this amounts to well",
"over a thousand dollars in fines.",
"end of story, i youtubed how to build a block",
"wall, flew home for a weekend and rebuilt it.",
"still paying off the fine with the city.",
"the great thing about this is, i wanted to do a",
"time lapse of the moving truck filling up. i had",
"set the gopro up and had it running the whole",
"time, so fortunately i was able to record the",
"destruction and relive that memory as often as i",
"want. and so for your viewing pleasure..."
] |
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] |
pretty crazy weekend. i pulled the moving truck pull over a 15' section of block wall.
|
503 | 41 | 0.94 | 503 |
this happened a few years ago when i worked at an italian icecream store. i had been working for a few hours and got sent on a break. seeing as it was around 5 pm and i still was going to work some hours in the evening, i went to a fastfood restaurant across the street to get me some fries and a burger. when i got there, the place was packed. i ordered my food and tried to get back from the counter a bit to make way for other people while i wait. behind me was an elderly man, he must have been in his eighties... i accidentally stepped on his slipper. i don't even think i touched his foot, just the side of the sole. he panicked. as it turned out, he wasn't quite stable on his feet, and my stepping on the slipper made him think he might fall over. "oohh.. i'm falling!" he was still standing up fine when he muttered those words... then, as in slow motion, he actually fell backwards, and the poor guy hit his head on the floor. i immediately got on my knees and held his frail, balding head.. the girl from behind the counter got a towel to put under his head and when i took my hand away, it was covered in blood. i felt horrible. an ambulance was called and they took him with them just to check that he was gonna be ok. i don't think i even ate my food after that. i went back to the icecream shop, where the owner saw my face and asked what was wrong.. had a good cry right there and then. the old man recovered fine. did see him at the bus stop a few days later with a very bruised back of his head and bandages on it.
|
injured an old man by stepping on his slipper, which made him fall over and he was taken by an ambulance.
|
stepping on his foot.
|
[
"this happened a few years ago when i worked at an",
"italian icecream store. i had been working for a",
"few hours and got sent on a break. seeing as it",
"was around 5 pm and i still was going to work",
"some hours in the evening, i went to a fastfood",
"restaurant across the street to get me some fries",
"and a burger. when i got there, the place was",
"packed. i ordered my food and tried to get back",
"from the counter a bit to make way for other",
"people while i wait. behind me was an elderly",
"man, he must have been in his eighties... i",
"accidentally stepped on his slipper. i don't even",
"think i touched his foot, just the side of the",
"sole. he panicked. as it turned out, he wasn't",
"quite stable on his feet, and my stepping on the",
"slipper made him think he might fall over.",
"\"oohh.. i'm falling!\" he was still standing up",
"fine when he muttered those words... then, as in",
"slow motion, he actually fell backwards, and the",
"poor guy hit his head on the floor. i immediately",
"got on my knees and held his frail, balding",
"head.. the girl from behind the counter got a",
"towel to put under his head and when i took my",
"hand away, it was covered in blood. i felt",
"horrible. an ambulance was called and they took",
"him with them just to check that he was gonna be",
"ok. i don't think i even ate my food after that.",
"i went back to the icecream shop, where the owner",
"saw my face and asked what was wrong.. had a good",
"cry right there and then. the old man recovered",
"fine. did see him at the bus stop a few days",
"later with a very bruised back of his head and",
"bandages on it."
] |
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] |
quite stable on his feet, and my stepping on the slipper made him think he might fall over. horrible. an ambulance was called and they took
|
75 | 30 | 0.88 | 75 |
##obligatories:
this didn't today but it's still in progress as of right now.
this is not my actual account even though i'm a loser and nobody would know me from my main account.
##story:
about a month ago i was watching a youtube video and in the comments, somebody was advertising a gtx 980ti for 200$. so being the savvy shopper i am i go and swoop this deal.
i ask the general questions like how long has he had it and has it been overclocked. i asked for some pictures and everything seemed legit so far.
**fu #1**: proceeded with the transaction after he said that his paypal was blocked because of a chargeback.
so after he told me that, he said that i could pay him in steam gift cards or keys or whatever and i said sure that's fine but i'm only gonna pay a quarter up front. the next quarter would be sent after i received the tracking information and the last half would be received once i've received, tested, and validated the card. he said fine that will do.
**fu #2**: continuing the transaction after he sends me a [form](http://imgur.com/a/pfnvz) with his "address" and my address
he says he didn't get tracking numbers but he sends me the form linked above and that's when i start to get suspicious but i still proceed. (note: today 2/27 is when i realized that the address given was in hollywood and thus what prompted this tifu post)
**fu #3**: sending him more money in order to have him "unlock" my transaction.
after a few days of not hearing from him since that incident, i messaged him asking if he had any info on when it was going to arrive. he said that he put it on hold until i could reassure him that i wasn't gonna bail on him after i received the card. ironic huh. after about a week of back and forth, i end up sending him 40 more bucks with the promise that i would be here the next day.
surprize, surprize; it didn't show. and it hasn't shown for two weeks now. after frantically emailing him seeing if he had any info i decide to lie and say that i received it and guess what?
he responds saying great is ready for the next set of payment.
that's when i knew that i royally fucked up.
so today i tell him that i already sent him the rest of the payment to see if i could bait him and continue to get responses from him. so far this has been correct, i just don't know where to go from here. so if you have any advice that would be fantastic.
**
**edit 1**: edited picture to remove name. not sure if its his actual name or not but better to be safe than sorry.
**edit 2**: formating to make it more readable.
|
**; i thought i could get a 650$ graphics card used on youtube in the comment section and proceeded to ignore all red flags telling me that this is a scam throughout the transaction.
|
ignoring all internet saftey rules
|
[
"##obligatories:",
"this didn't today but it's still in progress as",
"of right now.",
"this is not my actual account even though i'm a",
"loser and nobody would know me from my main",
"account.",
"##story:",
"about a month ago i was watching a youtube video",
"and in the comments, somebody was advertising a",
"gtx 980ti for 200$. so being the savvy shopper i",
"am i go and swoop this deal.",
"i ask the general questions like how long has he",
"had it and has it been overclocked. i asked for",
"some pictures and everything seemed legit so far.",
"**fu #1**: proceeded with the transaction after",
"he said that his paypal was blocked because of a",
"chargeback.",
"so after he told me that, he said that i could",
"pay him in steam gift cards or keys or whatever",
"and i said sure that's fine but i'm only gonna",
"pay a quarter up front. the next quarter would",
"be sent after i received the tracking information",
"and the last half would be received once i've",
"received, tested, and validated the card. he said",
"fine that will do.",
"**fu #2**: continuing the transaction after he",
"sends me a [form](http://imgur.com/a/pfnvz) with",
"his \"address\" and my address",
"he says he didn't get tracking numbers but he",
"sends me the form linked above and that's when i",
"start to get suspicious but i still proceed.",
"(note: today 2/27 is when i realized that the",
"address given was in hollywood and thus what",
"prompted this tifu post)",
"**fu #3**: sending him more money in order to",
"have him \"unlock\" my transaction.",
"after a few days of not hearing from him since",
"that incident, i messaged him asking if he had",
"any info on when it was going to arrive. he said",
"that he put it on hold until i could reassure him",
"that i wasn't gonna bail on him after i received",
"the card. ironic huh. after about a week of back",
"and forth, i end up sending him 40 more bucks",
"with the promise that i would be here the next",
"day.",
"surprize, surprize; it didn't show. and it hasn't",
"shown for two weeks now. after frantically",
"emailing him seeing if he had any info i decide",
"to lie and say that i received it and guess what?",
"he responds saying great is ready for the next",
"set of payment.",
"that's when i knew that i royally fucked up.",
"so today i tell him that i already sent him the",
"rest of the payment to see if i could bait him",
"and continue to get responses from him. so far",
"this has been correct, i just don't know where to",
"go from here. so if you have any advice that",
"would be fantastic.",
"**",
"**edit 1**: edited picture to remove name. not",
"sure if its his actual name or not but better to",
"be safe than sorry.",
"**edit 2**: formating to make it more readable."
] |
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this is not my actual account even though i'm a and in the comments, somebody was advertising a **fu #1**: proceeded with the transaction after so after he told me that, he said that i could
|
6 | 9 | 0.67 | 6 |
technically, it was yesterday that i messed it up, but it still bugs me today. my wedding anniversary lands on a weekday this year, so i thought that i'd make it a nice weekend for my husband by making a nice homemade breakfast. i bought the necessary ingredients to make buttermilk biscuits during my shopping trip earlier in the week. we live out in the country, so grocery stores aren't real close by and convenient to run off to if you forgot anything.
so, i'm following a tutorial video step-by-step and still, i miss the fact that i should be using self-rising flour. i only purchased a small pint of buttermilk, since it's nasty stuff to drink on it's own and i only ever would use it for making the biscuits. i start off with the flour, then grate in a 1/2 cup of frozen butter, make a little well for the buttermilk, and mix it all up. floured my surface down, rolled out the dough, folded it over onto itself a few times, and then cut out some nice sized biscuits. still....i hadn't realized i was missing the key ingredient for fluffy biscuits. i get my oven pre-heated and i'm excited for the end results that is sure to impress my husband of 17 years!
then it hits me. the hamsters in charge of powering my brain suddenly kick in and i have an actual intelligent thought strike me down. "wait.....did i buy self-rising flour?" i run to check the package.....nope!
i thought maybe i'd be able to start over from scratch and just add in the missing salt and baking powder, but i didn't have enough buttermilk to make up a second batch. i couldn't mix in the salt and baking powder into the existing dough because i'd already worked up the dough and it wouldn't mix in right. i knew that if i had baked those biscuits, they'd come out like hockey pucks.
so...into the trash they went, and out came the pillsbury insta-dough poppin' fresh can. i still made a decent breakfast, but i was definitely annoyed at myself for buying the wrong flour (or at least not noticing that the flour i had was not self-rising and adding in the missing ingredients i'd need).
at least he's used to my cooking by now. lol!! the man deserves an award for sticking with me this long and eating my cooking!!
|
i didn't buy self-rising flour and tried to bake hockey pucks for breakfast. in the end, i ruined the recipe, ran out of enough ingredients to make it over again, and had to resort to pillsbury pre-made biscuit dough from the can.
|
buying the wrong flour
|
[
"technically, it was yesterday that i messed it up,",
"but it still bugs me today. my wedding",
"anniversary lands on a weekday this year, so i",
"thought that i'd make it a nice weekend for my",
"husband by making a nice homemade breakfast. i",
"bought the necessary ingredients to make",
"buttermilk biscuits during my shopping trip",
"earlier in the week. we live out in the country,",
"so grocery stores aren't real close by and",
"convenient to run off to if you forgot anything.",
"so, i'm following a tutorial video step-by-step",
"and still, i miss the fact that i should be using",
"self-rising flour. i only purchased a small pint",
"of buttermilk, since it's nasty stuff to drink on",
"it's own and i only ever would use it for making",
"the biscuits. i start off with the flour, then",
"grate in a 1/2 cup of frozen butter, make a",
"little well for the buttermilk, and mix it all",
"up. floured my surface down, rolled out the",
"dough, folded it over onto itself a few times,",
"and then cut out some nice sized biscuits.",
"still....i hadn't realized i was missing the key",
"ingredient for fluffy biscuits. i get my oven",
"pre-heated and i'm excited for the end results",
"that is sure to impress my husband of 17 years!",
"then it hits me. the hamsters in charge of",
"powering my brain suddenly kick in and i have an",
"actual intelligent thought strike me down.",
"\"wait.....did i buy self-rising flour?\" i run to",
"check the package.....nope!",
"i thought maybe i'd be able to start over from",
"scratch and just add in the missing salt and",
"baking powder, but i didn't have enough",
"buttermilk to make up a second batch. i couldn't",
"mix in the salt and baking powder into the",
"existing dough because i'd already worked up the",
"dough and it wouldn't mix in right. i knew that",
"if i had baked those biscuits, they'd come out",
"like hockey pucks.",
"so...into the trash they went, and out came the",
"pillsbury insta-dough poppin' fresh can. i still",
"made a decent breakfast, but i was definitely",
"annoyed at myself for buying the wrong flour (or",
"at least not noticing that the flour i had was",
"not self-rising and adding in the missing",
"ingredients i'd need).",
"at least he's used to my cooking by now. lol!!",
"the man deserves an award for sticking with me",
"this long and eating my cooking!!"
] |
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bought the necessary ingredients to make dough, folded it over onto itself a few times, pre-heated and i'm excited for the end results "wait.....did i buy self-rising flour?" i run to like hockey pucks.
|
31 | 10 | 0.75 | 31 |
this happened when we were in our school bus going back to home. so we were just doing some crazy thingies because it's like a 90 minutes ride back to home and pretty boring. sowhie he was using his mobile i asked him to lend me his ring. he gave it to me and i wore it and it got atuck pretty bad on my finger. we then tried to take it off my finger by pulling it out as we didn't have anything else. so after trying i held my finger straight and told him to pull it out with any amount of force as long as it comes off my finger. now the good thing bad thing part.
good thing: the ring was taken off.
bad thing: i broke my bone in the process where the joint is and it was a pretty bad fracture.
|
i got my bone broken by wearing a friend's ring.
|
wearing a friend's ring
|
[
"this happened when we were in our school bus going",
"back to home. so we were just doing some crazy",
"thingies because it's like a 90 minutes ride back",
"to home and pretty boring. sowhie he was using",
"his mobile i asked him to lend me his ring. he",
"gave it to me and i wore it and it got atuck",
"pretty bad on my finger. we then tried to take it",
"off my finger by pulling it out as we didn't have",
"anything else. so after trying i held my finger",
"straight and told him to pull it out with any",
"amount of force as long as it comes off my",
"finger. now the good thing bad thing part.",
"good thing: the ring was taken off.",
"bad thing: i broke my bone in the process where",
"the joint is and it was a pretty bad fracture."
] |
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bad thing: i broke my bone in the process where
|
225 | 131 | 0.78 | 225 |
this didnt happen today, rather a few days ago. throwaway account because i dont want her mother finding this. on to the story, its a doozy.
the other day, my girlfriend was in need of emotional support, and two days prior to her asking for this, her mother had banned me from seeing her except at school("because all teenage boys are horny scum", her saying this after 5 months of dating, but i digress) so obviously im not allowed over. cue fuck up number 1.
after her mother left the house, i formulated a plan to walk over and console her with hugs and kisses for a bit before i left. little did i know her mother had neighbors watching out for me, and after i left, her mother told her we were found out.
obviously this was upsetting, so i typed up an explanation as to why i did what i did. i was persistent, and sent a few more messages saying i will always support her and i wont give up. this was fuck up number 2. her mother took this as threatening, and told my father that if i continued to "harass" her, she would call the police and have a restraining order placed on me.
so now i am no longer allowed to see my girlfriend, except at school. the funny part about this is, however dark it may be, her mother threatened me after i "threatened" her. maybe not funny, just ironic and hypocritical. i may update as things progress.
|
got banned from my girlfriends's house after trying to support her behind her mom's back, made it worse by "threatening" her mom, no longer allowed to see my girlfriend except at school
|
supporting my girlfriend in a time of need
|
[
"this didnt happen today, rather a few days ago.",
"throwaway account because i dont want her mother",
"finding this. on to the story, its a doozy.",
"the other day, my girlfriend was in need of",
"emotional support, and two days prior to her",
"asking for this, her mother had banned me from",
"seeing her except at school(\"because all teenage",
"boys are horny scum\", her saying this after 5",
"months of dating, but i digress) so obviously im",
"not allowed over. cue fuck up number 1.",
"after her mother left the house, i formulated a",
"plan to walk over and console her with hugs and",
"kisses for a bit before i left. little did i know",
"her mother had neighbors watching out for me, and",
"after i left, her mother told her we were found",
"out.",
"obviously this was upsetting, so i typed up an",
"explanation as to why i did what i did. i was",
"persistent, and sent a few more messages saying i",
"will always support her and i wont give up. this",
"was fuck up number 2. her mother took this as",
"threatening, and told my father that if i",
"continued to \"harass\" her, she would call the",
"police and have a restraining order placed on me.",
"so now i am no longer allowed to see my",
"girlfriend, except at school. the funny part",
"about this is, however dark it may be, her mother",
"threatened me after i \"threatened\" her. maybe not",
"funny, just ironic and hypocritical. i may update",
"as things progress."
] |
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after her mother left the house, i formulated a so now i am no longer allowed to see my girlfriend, except at school. the funny part
|
2,724 | 332 | 0.92 | 2,724 |
my ass injury story.
at the end of this story, i hope to all my fellow ballers out there, watch out for the pole...
why you may ask? well a while back, i was playing basketball at a local court. as this guy went for a classic right hand layup, i naturally went to attempt a block. as if in slow motion, we collided in the air and with me being a mere 160cm (5 feet 2 inches), i flew backwards and what awaited me at the landing was the most bizarre and worse injury i have ever experienced.
though before we get into that. let's first describe the setting of this basketball court. there are these metal poles which supports the basketball hoops, just as most basketball hoops are like, but what makes me question the design of this pole was this protruding metal piece that was about knee high. this is a picture. http://imgur.com/a/lckaq
at this point you would've guessed that that was the fatal cause of what i am about to receive. i landed right on it... ass first on this protruding metal branch and from the cushioning of my fat i bounced right off.
on the floor, i experiencing a split seconds of sharp pain, but without thinking twice i got back up and continued to play. bare in mind at this point, i had no idea how sever my injury was and as the game continued, i felt some slight pain through my left thigh area, though believing it was from leg day a day before at the gym. if anyone watches jknews/party/films, i was thinking of what bart said when he fractured his ankle and said to myself stop being a little bitch, it’s just a bruise.
as adrenalin keep me going for another 20 mins the game eventually came to an end. as i cooled down i subconsciously felt my ass, then and there i saw some blood printed on my hand. of all days i decided not to drive, today was the day. i walked myself home, thinking i must have gotten a minor cut, but i did not find my pants ripped. little did i know what awaits for me when i get my hands on a mirror.
when i finially reached home, i went straight to the bathroom to shower. as i was removing my clothing, i noticed something that looked like egg pudding where the injury should have been along with the blood staining my pants. turning to the mirror for a better look, i realised it was the fat from my ass cheek. yes, the pole had penetrated my ass cheek! even a big cut was an understatement for what i was looking at. i had a giant, bleeding, fat missing hole on my ass.
my parents then took me to doctors to receive 7 stitches. i must add in that this injury couldn’t have come at a worser time either, as i had exams a week later. imagine trying to study for the rest of the week while you can't even sit properly.
my luck when it comes to injury is about as good as davidso, if you know him, he's a youtuber xd
for those whose curiosity got the better of them, gory images, you have been warned. warning gory. nsfw.
picture of injury, http://imgur.com/a/vrvgu http://imgur.com/a/34eka . the fat that got stuck on my undies, http://imgur.com/a/xq5e6
this was my girlfriend’s reaction to my ass injury. http://imgur.com/a/n1snt
also it would be awesome if this made it to jknews :d
|
fell ass first on a metal piece sticking out of a metal pole playing basketball and got badly injured.
|
my ass....
|
[
"my ass injury story.",
"at the end of this story, i hope to all my fellow",
"ballers out there, watch out for the pole...",
"why you may ask? well a while back, i was playing",
"basketball at a local court. as this guy went for",
"a classic right hand layup, i naturally went to",
"attempt a block. as if in slow motion, we",
"collided in the air and with me being a mere",
"160cm (5 feet 2 inches), i flew backwards and",
"what awaited me at the landing was the most",
"bizarre and worse injury i have ever experienced.",
"though before we get into that. let's first",
"describe the setting of this basketball court.",
"there are these metal poles which supports the",
"basketball hoops, just as most basketball hoops",
"are like, but what makes me question the design",
"of this pole was this protruding metal piece that",
"was about knee high. this is a picture.",
"http://imgur.com/a/lckaq",
"at this point you would've guessed that that was",
"the fatal cause of what i am about to receive. i",
"landed right on it... ass first on this",
"protruding metal branch and from the cushioning",
"of my fat i bounced right off.",
"on the floor, i experiencing a split seconds of",
"sharp pain, but without thinking twice i got back",
"up and continued to play. bare in mind at this",
"point, i had no idea how sever my injury was and",
"as the game continued, i felt some slight pain",
"through my left thigh area, though believing it",
"was from leg day a day before at the gym. if",
"anyone watches jknews/party/films, i was thinking",
"of what bart said when he fractured his ankle and",
"said to myself stop being a little bitch, it’s",
"just a bruise.",
"as adrenalin keep me going for another 20 mins",
"the game eventually came to an end. as i cooled",
"down i subconsciously felt my ass, then and there",
"i saw some blood printed on my hand. of all days",
"i decided not to drive, today was the day. i",
"walked myself home, thinking i must have gotten a",
"minor cut, but i did not find my pants ripped.",
"little did i know what awaits for me when i get",
"my hands on a mirror.",
"when i finially reached home, i went straight to",
"the bathroom to shower. as i was removing my",
"clothing, i noticed something that looked like",
"egg pudding where the injury should have been",
"along with the blood staining my pants. turning",
"to the mirror for a better look, i realised it",
"was the fat from my ass cheek. yes, the pole had",
"penetrated my ass cheek! even a big cut was an",
"understatement for what i was looking at. i had a",
"giant, bleeding, fat missing hole on my ass.",
"my parents then took me to doctors to receive 7",
"stitches. i must add in that this injury couldn’t",
"have come at a worser time either, as i had exams",
"a week later. imagine trying to study for the",
"rest of the week while you can't even sit",
"properly.",
"my luck when it comes to injury is about as good",
"as davidso, if you know him, he's a youtuber xd",
"for those whose curiosity got the better of them,",
"gory images, you have been warned. warning gory.",
"nsfw.",
"picture of injury, http://imgur.com/a/vrvgu",
"http://imgur.com/a/34eka . the fat that got stuck",
"on my undies, http://imgur.com/a/xq5e6",
"this was my girlfriend’s reaction to my ass",
"injury. http://imgur.com/a/n1snt",
"also it would be awesome if this made it to",
"jknews :d"
] |
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of this pole was this protruding metal piece that landed right on it... ass first on this my hands on a mirror.
|
24 | 42 | 0.77 | 24 |
this fu happened today only, but the tale starts about two years from now
about two years ago i had a pair of samsung headphones. i was listening to some music on my laptop, and we (my family) were about to leave for my hometown.
as i was listening, i suddenly jerked my head sideways to check something, and the laptop suddenly slid out of my lap onto the floor. i know laptops are sturdy and nothing should have happened to it, and it didn't. but my headphone jack plug was bent out of shape, and it didn't work. at all. my parents scolded me for my incompetence and told me i did not deserve a new pair just like that.
i mad it through a whole year without headphones, when last november my parents gifted me a new pair (of sony) on my birthday. i knew i couldn't fuck this one up, or i will be out of headphones for at least another year.
all well and good. cue the fu.
tomorrow we are leaving for my hometown.15 minutes ago i was listening to some music on my laptop. sound familiar? my laptop ran out of juice, and i bent sideways to plug in my laptop charger...
i stared in horror as the laptop flipped over, and the suddenly the sound in my headphones went off. i checked the headphone jack plug, it was still connected to the laptop, but the headphones were torn off from the jack, so now my headphones and the headphone jack plug were separate entities, with the plug still in the laptop. fuck. fuuuck.
i grabbed a nail cutter and pried off the plug from the laptop with it. but the plug is permanently severed from the headphones, and nothing i have tried makes it fit back into the headphones.
now i can't face my parents with the same mistake the second time, and i will probably go without headphones forever.
so take the lesson, kids. headphone jacks are evil. i think i may move to apple now.
|
2 years ago i broke my headphones and got another pair with difficulty. 15 min ago i broke my new pair the same way, and will probably go without headphones for my life. and use apple. i f'ing hate apple.
|
breaking my headphones. again.
|
[
"this fu happened today only, but the tale starts",
"about two years from now",
"about two years ago i had a pair of samsung",
"headphones. i was listening to some music on my",
"laptop, and we (my family) were about to leave",
"for my hometown.",
"as i was listening, i suddenly jerked my head",
"sideways to check something, and the laptop",
"suddenly slid out of my lap onto the floor. i",
"know laptops are sturdy and nothing should have",
"happened to it, and it didn't. but my headphone",
"jack plug was bent out of shape, and it didn't",
"work. at all. my parents scolded me for my",
"incompetence and told me i did not deserve a new",
"pair just like that.",
"i mad it through a whole year without headphones,",
"when last november my parents gifted me a new",
"pair (of sony) on my birthday. i knew i couldn't",
"fuck this one up, or i will be out of headphones",
"for at least another year.",
"all well and good. cue the fu.",
"tomorrow we are leaving for my hometown.15",
"minutes ago i was listening to some music on my",
"laptop. sound familiar? my laptop ran out of",
"juice, and i bent sideways to plug in my laptop",
"charger...",
"i stared in horror as the laptop flipped over,",
"and the suddenly the sound in my headphones went",
"off. i checked the headphone jack plug, it was",
"still connected to the laptop, but the headphones",
"were torn off from the jack, so now my headphones",
"and the headphone jack plug were separate",
"entities, with the plug still in the laptop.",
"fuck. fuuuck.",
"i grabbed a nail cutter and pried off the plug",
"from the laptop with it. but the plug is",
"permanently severed from the headphones, and",
"nothing i have tried makes it fit back into the",
"headphones.",
"now i can't face my parents with the same mistake",
"the second time, and i will probably go without",
"headphones forever.",
"so take the lesson, kids. headphone jacks are",
"evil. i think i may move to apple now."
] |
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about two years ago i had a pair of samsung for my hometown. headphones. now i can't face my parents with the same mistake the second time, and i will probably go without
|
114 | 7 | 0.92 | 114 |
i'm volunteering as a teacher's aide in a preschool while going to college. i started helping out about three weeks ago, and this incident happened last wednesday. early that morning a parent mentioned that there were personal issues going on in their home and that the child's father is not allowed to pick up the student.
an hour later the teacher and i had walked our children down to the indoor recess area. the general chaos of playtime was underway when an alarm went off. i had worked in the building at an unrelated job for the past six months. i was present for at least three fire drills, and none of them sounded like this shrill sound blaring throughout the building.
i looked at the teacher, who was ushering the child with issues at home into a bathroom. i thought she was hiding the student. then i looked out into the hallway. a strange man was walking in our direction. i assumed that it was an intruder alarm, and pushed the door shut. i braced my body against the door and mentally prepared myself to fight off this potential threat to my students.
the teacher comes out of the bathroom and gives me a weird look, then tells the children to line up for the fire drill. we got the kids out of the building, but there were about twenty seconds added to the evacuation because of my confusion.
the man in the hallway had just installed the new fire alarm system. the teacher had just been helping the student reach paper towels in the bathroom.
|
i blocked a door in a school during a fire alarm because i thought my students were in danger.
|
thinking a fire alarm meant there was an intruder in the school.
|
[
"i'm volunteering as a teacher's aide in a",
"preschool while going to college. i started",
"helping out about three weeks ago, and this",
"incident happened last wednesday. early that",
"morning a parent mentioned that there were",
"personal issues going on in their home and that",
"the child's father is not allowed to pick up the",
"student.",
"an hour later the teacher and i had walked our",
"children down to the indoor recess area. the",
"general chaos of playtime was underway when an",
"alarm went off. i had worked in the building at",
"an unrelated job for the past six months. i was",
"present for at least three fire drills, and none",
"of them sounded like this shrill sound blaring",
"throughout the building.",
"i looked at the teacher, who was ushering the",
"child with issues at home into a bathroom. i",
"thought she was hiding the student. then i looked",
"out into the hallway. a strange man was walking",
"in our direction. i assumed that it was an",
"intruder alarm, and pushed the door shut. i",
"braced my body against the door and mentally",
"prepared myself to fight off this potential",
"threat to my students.",
"the teacher comes out of the bathroom and gives",
"me a weird look, then tells the children to line",
"up for the fire drill. we got the kids out of the",
"building, but there were about twenty seconds",
"added to the evacuation because of my confusion.",
"the man in the hallway had just installed the new",
"fire alarm system. the teacher had just been",
"helping the student reach paper towels in the",
"bathroom."
] |
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i'm volunteering as a teacher's aide in a threat to my students.
|
591 | 36 | 0.93 | 591 |
not actually today, but friday night/yesterday morning.
background is necessary. when we were kids my sister would sleepwalk or sit on her bed, talk to you in some godforsaken language if you were awake and then fall asleep again. we shared a bedroom with my brother, and i would wake up when she did that. anyway, i don't live with my siblings anymore.
now to the story: i didn't have to work on friday, so i was home, unshowered, binge-watching something on netflix and i get a text from my sister. she works at an it company and she was on call and she was told she needed to be online at 8 pm and asked me if she could come over. her workplace is closer to my place than it is to hers, so i said "yeah, sure". anyway, she came over and stayed the night.
the housekeeper was supposed to come yesterday, so, to avoid anything awkward, she slept on the floor of my bedroom on an inflatable bed i had from a few years back when i first lived on my own. we go to sleep at midnight. flashforward to somewhere between 3-4 am, i wake up because i hear a noise, like something's moving. i'm scared and half-asleep. i open my eyes, check around without looking at the floor (ffs) and don't see anything. i then see a dark silhouette rising from the floor and out of fear and holy-shit-what-the-fuck-is-that-ness i punched it. it was my sister and apparently i had entirely forgotten she'd stayed. she wakes up really angry and watery-eyed, followed by me explaining that she'd scared the living shit out of me. made her a good breakfast and kept apologising for my stupidity.
|
my sister who sits on the bed in her sleep came over because she needed to be online asap due to her job, stayed the night, i forgot she'd stayed, she sits on her bed whilst asleep, i punch her out of fear and lack of light.
|
punching my sister out of her sleep.
|
[
"not actually today, but friday night/yesterday",
"morning.",
"background is necessary. when we were kids my",
"sister would sleepwalk or sit on her bed, talk to",
"you in some godforsaken language if you were",
"awake and then fall asleep again. we shared a",
"bedroom with my brother, and i would wake up when",
"she did that. anyway, i don't live with my",
"siblings anymore.",
"now to the story: i didn't have to work on",
"friday, so i was home, unshowered, binge-watching",
"something on netflix and i get a text from my",
"sister. she works at an it company and she was on",
"call and she was told she needed to be online at",
"8 pm and asked me if she could come over. her",
"workplace is closer to my place than it is to",
"hers, so i said \"yeah, sure\". anyway, she came",
"over and stayed the night.",
"the housekeeper was supposed to come yesterday,",
"so, to avoid anything awkward, she slept on the",
"floor of my bedroom on an inflatable bed i had",
"from a few years back when i first lived on my",
"own. we go to sleep at midnight. flashforward to",
"somewhere between 3-4 am, i wake up because i",
"hear a noise, like something's moving. i'm scared",
"and half-asleep. i open my eyes, check around",
"without looking at the floor (ffs) and don't see",
"anything. i then see a dark silhouette rising",
"from the floor and out of fear and",
"holy-shit-what-the-fuck-is-that-ness i punched",
"it. it was my sister and apparently i had",
"entirely forgotten she'd stayed. she wakes up",
"really angry and watery-eyed, followed by me",
"explaining that she'd scared the living shit out",
"of me. made her a good breakfast and kept",
"apologising for my stupidity."
] |
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sister would sleepwalk or sit on her bed, talk to call and she was told she needed to be online at over and stayed the night. from the floor and out of fear and entirely forgotten she'd stayed. she wakes up
|
12 | 3 | 0.75 | 12 |
tifu by getting involved with a drunk married couple showing their ass in the street. i've been living in central china for nearly two decades. i used to drink a lot and am often proud of controlling myself for the past ten years or so. i rarely drink hard liquor. got home late after teaching classes to an empty home. the wife and kids are in the next town over. i watched a few parts of a few movies i've seen too many times and was over-caffeinated and feeling talkative. a guy who i consider an old friend watches his store from about 5pm to 4am. i go. he had a new product, 42% booze with ginseng in the bottle. good times, and i was in high spirits. now this store is in the backstreets, an area known for prostitutes and apparently drugs. it's also just a place for cheap housing, and your average ktv girl or bartender is often coming home late, so there are many stalls/carts in the street making whatever food. i haven't frequented this shithole in the late hours in years. anyways, a couple arguing, about money from what i understood, she gets in a cab, he flips out, she gets out, he lays into her, punching the shit out of her. i run up grab him by the shoulder, he starts shouting at me, and me calm as fuck telling him to hit me, rather than her. he talks some shit and head-butts me in my already big nose. my nose, who when chinese people ask where i'm from they never believe me i'm from the usa with a nose that 'high' or big. it's bleeding profusely, which i thought was only from the inside. hits are nothing new for me. i smile and ask him if he feels better and if we're done here. he's drunk as shit, much more than i am. after some more shit talk he shakes my hand, i pat him on the back and he walks away. the wife, looking like a prostitute with the long fake nails, heels, sparkly shit, skimpy outfit, etc. is sitting at a table of a guy who makes noodles. my friend comes out to tell me i shouldn't get involved, i say it's not a big deal, and i sit down at an adjacent table smoking a cigarette, something i only do after a few drinks. she goes on about how this is a daily thing, crying, and i just kind of stare at the ground, wondering what happened to the can of fish i bought earlier. a white suv comes up and stops less than a foot from my back, i didn't flinch, and knew the dumb cunt was back. he starts screaming at her, what are you talking to the foreigner about, and i knew right then i had fucked up. "foreigners are our enemies!". first time i heard this phrase in seriousness. i walk inside the store and look at my friend who's looking at me and shaking his head. the girl ends up running away with a friend who showed up, and the guy drives off. i wake up this morning and look in the mirror at a gash across my nose. it's my day off and i plan to play basketball, and plan to tell my wife i had a collision on the court. reddit, normally i only use you to blow off steam and make dumb comments. today, i'd...... just thanks for listening. i am a dumb shit, and even though i don't regret ending a beating... well, i'm still a dumbshit. thanks.
|
and learned, again, not to drink the hard shit.
|
sticking my big nose where it didn't belong
|
[
"tifu by getting involved with a drunk married",
"couple showing their ass in the street. i've been",
"living in central china for nearly two decades. i",
"used to drink a lot and am often proud of",
"controlling myself for the past ten years or so.",
"i rarely drink hard liquor. got home late after",
"teaching classes to an empty home. the wife and",
"kids are in the next town over. i watched a few",
"parts of a few movies i've seen too many times",
"and was over-caffeinated and feeling talkative. a",
"guy who i consider an old friend watches his",
"store from about 5pm to 4am. i go. he had a new",
"product, 42% booze with ginseng in the bottle.",
"good times, and i was in high spirits. now this",
"store is in the backstreets, an area known for",
"prostitutes and apparently drugs. it's also just",
"a place for cheap housing, and your average ktv",
"girl or bartender is often coming home late, so",
"there are many stalls/carts in the street making",
"whatever food. i haven't frequented this shithole",
"in the late hours in years. anyways, a couple",
"arguing, about money from what i understood, she",
"gets in a cab, he flips out, she gets out, he",
"lays into her, punching the shit out of her. i",
"run up grab him by the shoulder, he starts",
"shouting at me, and me calm as fuck telling him",
"to hit me, rather than her. he talks some shit",
"and head-butts me in my already big nose. my",
"nose, who when chinese people ask where i'm from",
"they never believe me i'm from the usa with a",
"nose that 'high' or big. it's bleeding profusely,",
"which i thought was only from the inside. hits",
"are nothing new for me. i smile and ask him if he",
"feels better and if we're done here. he's drunk",
"as shit, much more than i am. after some more",
"shit talk he shakes my hand, i pat him on the",
"back and he walks away. the wife, looking like a",
"prostitute with the long fake nails, heels,",
"sparkly shit, skimpy outfit, etc. is sitting at a",
"table of a guy who makes noodles. my friend comes",
"out to tell me i shouldn't get involved, i say",
"it's not a big deal, and i sit down at an",
"adjacent table smoking a cigarette, something i",
"only do after a few drinks. she goes on about how",
"this is a daily thing, crying, and i just kind of",
"stare at the ground, wondering what happened to",
"the can of fish i bought earlier. a white suv",
"comes up and stops less than a foot from my back,",
"i didn't flinch, and knew the dumb cunt was back.",
"he starts screaming at her, what are you talking",
"to the foreigner about, and i knew right then i",
"had fucked up. \"foreigners are our enemies!\".",
"first time i heard this phrase in seriousness. i",
"walk inside the store and look at my friend who's",
"looking at me and shaking his head. the girl ends",
"up running away with a friend who showed up, and",
"the guy drives off. i wake up this morning and",
"look in the mirror at a gash across my nose. it's",
"my day off and i plan to play basketball, and",
"plan to tell my wife i had a collision on the",
"court. reddit, normally i only use you to blow",
"off steam and make dumb comments. today,",
"i'd...... just thanks for listening. i am a dumb",
"shit, and even though i don't regret ending a",
"beating... well, i'm still a dumbshit. thanks."
] |
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used to drink a lot and am often proud of
|
15 | 13 | 0.68 | 15 |
so this was not today but friday, i was going to the store with the kids i babysit to get a few things. normal business, we get out to go in and get what we needed. we come back out and of course, they want to ride the kiddy merry-go-round thing in front of the store. i said why not, so i set the items i bought down on the grill of the jeep and then place my phone on the hood. the ride ends and i get the kids off and into the car to bring them back home. i also had to be to my other job that morning, i was in a bit of rush. i get back to the house and i realized i do not have my phone. one other weird thing that confused me was when i got back to my house the groceries i bought were still on the grill of my jeep. i noticed that when i got out of the car with the kids. i also could not find my phone.
so like all other times i thought i misplaced my phone i check my purse, the backseat, next to the seat and all over the car. it's not there. so now i'm in a panic, where did i lose it? so i get the kids out and back in the house and rush back to the store and ask the clerk if maybe i left it on the counter? he said no, no-one has turned anything in but will keep an eye out for it. i looked all over the parking lot thinking i dropped it, or maybe someone had picked it up. it's now getting later in the morning and i must get to my other job. i had no choice but to go to work and worry about it later or hope it turns up. so all day i'm wondering what could have happened to it, i searched my car again and again. i called it and no answer. it was an i phone 5c (bright green). so, me not using the resources it came with like find my i phone i was out of luck. i somehow turned that off or had not of set it up properly, so that was useless. i called and had it suspended temporarily and reported it stolen/lost. the day at work was long and a bit stressful because of my morning.
the reason i thought someone stole it was that it kept calling my parents cell phones and not responding. i thought some punk was playing games or something. but my day went on slowly feeling a little lost and worried about it.
so, i get home from work and i am still down from losing my phone and thinking someone stole it. my boyfriend says i have some good news and some bad news. right away my eyes light up and i say you found my phone? he says yes i did but you do not even know the bad news. it's toast.. like gone no return. i was just too excited it was found i did not really care for a second that i would have to buy a new one.
he explained to me that it had been in a puddle in the road getting run over by cars all day. that because of the puddle he could not have seen it till after the puddle was lower, later in the day. the only logical reason my parents had been getting calls had to have been because of it getting run over repeatedly.
finally, i came to the realization that i need to be more careful and mindful of what i am doing and where i am placing things. even when in a rush it only takes a second to slow down and think of what you're doing.
result: http://imgur.com/a5qyhx1
http://imgur.com/2tg3se4
|
i learned that you can't place your phone on the hood of the car and expect it to stay there while driving home. results in spending $700 on a new iphone.
|
placing my phone on the hood of my jeep and driving away.
|
[
"so this was not today but friday, i was going to",
"the store with the kids i babysit to get a few",
"things. normal business, we get out to go in and",
"get what we needed. we come back out and of",
"course, they want to ride the kiddy",
"merry-go-round thing in front of the store. i",
"said why not, so i set the items i bought down on",
"the grill of the jeep and then place my phone on",
"the hood. the ride ends and i get the kids off",
"and into the car to bring them back home. i also",
"had to be to my other job that morning, i was in",
"a bit of rush. i get back to the house and i",
"realized i do not have my phone. one other weird",
"thing that confused me was when i got back to my",
"house the groceries i bought were still on the",
"grill of my jeep. i noticed that when i got out",
"of the car with the kids. i also could not find",
"my phone.",
"so like all other times i thought i misplaced my",
"phone i check my purse, the backseat, next to the",
"seat and all over the car. it's not there. so now",
"i'm in a panic, where did i lose it? so i get the",
"kids out and back in the house and rush back to",
"the store and ask the clerk if maybe i left it on",
"the counter? he said no, no-one has turned",
"anything in but will keep an eye out for it. i",
"looked all over the parking lot thinking i",
"dropped it, or maybe someone had picked it up.",
"it's now getting later in the morning and i must",
"get to my other job. i had no choice but to go to",
"work and worry about it later or hope it turns",
"up. so all day i'm wondering what could have",
"happened to it, i searched my car again and",
"again. i called it and no answer. it was an i",
"phone 5c (bright green). so, me not using the",
"resources it came with like find my i phone i was",
"out of luck. i somehow turned that off or had not",
"of set it up properly, so that was useless. i",
"called and had it suspended temporarily and",
"reported it stolen/lost. the day at work was long",
"and a bit stressful because of my morning.",
"the reason i thought someone stole it was that it",
"kept calling my parents cell phones and not",
"responding. i thought some punk was playing games",
"or something. but my day went on slowly feeling a",
"little lost and worried about it.",
"so, i get home from work and i am still down from",
"losing my phone and thinking someone stole it. my",
"boyfriend says i have some good news and some bad",
"news. right away my eyes light up and i say you",
"found my phone? he says yes i did but you do not",
"even know the bad news. it's toast.. like gone no",
"return. i was just too excited it was found i did",
"not really care for a second that i would have to",
"buy a new one.",
"he explained to me that it had been in a puddle",
"in the road getting run over by cars all day.",
"that because of the puddle he could not have seen",
"it till after the puddle was lower, later in the",
"day. the only logical reason my parents had been",
"getting calls had to have been because of it",
"getting run over repeatedly.",
"finally, i came to the realization that i need to",
"be more careful and mindful of what i am doing",
"and where i am placing things. even when in a",
"rush it only takes a second to slow down and",
"think of what you're doing.",
"result: http://imgur.com/a5qyhx1",
"http://imgur.com/2tg3se4"
] |
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the grill of the jeep and then place my phone on and into the car to bring them back home. i also buy a new one. he explained to me that it had been in a puddle
|
62 | 13 | 0.78 | 62 |
it was early one spring morning about two years ago and i see a deer and her two babies were laying in my yard when i go out to smoke a cigarette on my front porch. i have a great idea while i’m smoking and looking at them lay there about 12 feet from me, so i turn around, pull my pants down, grunt slightly, and squeak out a tiny fart thinking i’m hilarious. two of the deer run away, but one fawn stays laying down, i can’t see very well and don’t have my glasses on but don’t think anything of it.
i come back out to smoke again an hour later, and the fawn is still sitting in the same spot, and mother and her other fawn are wandering around my yard. i still don’t have my glasses on so i figure the fawn is sick or something and go back inside.
one again i come back to smoke, and the fawn is in the same spot, and the two other deer are now grazing across the street. i go an tell my mother that there’s a sick deer in the front yard and we go to look at it. at this point i see that the fawn’s head is cocked back at about a 70 degree angle with a look of terror in her eyes, and she is frozen in place. i figure it might be dead so i get a broomstick and try to poke the fawn to check, and of course, i poke it and it doesn’t move.
i ask my mother what we should do and she says she will call animal control to see if they will come pick it up. the answer is no, animal control will only come pick up live animals. then she calls the department of transportation to see if they will pick it up, and they say no, they only pick up dead animals off the street. at this point, my mother asks us what the fuck we should do with this dead deer in our yard, and the dot says that we are supposed to bury it on our property.
of course that’s not happening, so my mother tells me to put some gloves on and carry this “sick” deer to the street so the dot will come pick it up. so i put some yellow gloves on, come pick up this baby deer that weighs probably 30 pounds, and carry it’s stiff body to the street, hearing the liquid contents of it’s stomach slosh around while i do it. it’s not decayed at all so it’s not that gross, but it’s a very sad scene.
i put the deer in the street, and now anybody that is talking a walk around my neighborhood and happens to venture up my street is now greeted by this dead fawn frozen in place with the head cocked back at 70 degrees with a look of terror in her eyes. the deer sits there for a few hours and the dot comes to pick it up in the afternoon, because now there’s a dead animal in the road. rest in peace, baby deer.
|
a deer and two fawns were in my yard so i pulled down my pants, mooned them and farted and thus caused a baby deer to have a heart attack so i had to resolve the issue of having a dead baby deer in my front yard because neither animal control nor the dot would pick up the deer.
|
giving a baby deer a heart attack
|
[
"it was early one spring morning about two years",
"ago and i see a deer and her two babies were",
"laying in my yard when i go out to smoke a",
"cigarette on my front porch. i have a great idea",
"while i’m smoking and looking at them lay there",
"about 12 feet from me, so i turn around, pull my",
"pants down, grunt slightly, and squeak out a",
"tiny fart thinking i’m hilarious. two of the deer",
"run away, but one fawn stays laying down, i can’t",
"see very well and don’t have my glasses on but",
"don’t think anything of it.",
"i come back out to smoke again an hour later, and",
"the fawn is still sitting in the same spot, and",
"mother and her other fawn are wandering around my",
"yard. i still don’t have my glasses on so i",
"figure the fawn is sick or something and go back",
"inside.",
"one again i come back to smoke, and the fawn is",
"in the same spot, and the two other deer are now",
"grazing across the street. i go an tell my mother",
"that there’s a sick deer in the front yard and we",
"go to look at it. at this point i see that the",
"fawn’s head is cocked back at about a 70 degree",
"angle with a look of terror in her eyes, and she",
"is frozen in place. i figure it might be dead so",
"i get a broomstick and try to poke the fawn to",
"check, and of course, i poke it and it doesn’t",
"move.",
"i ask my mother what we should do and she says",
"she will call animal control to see if they will",
"come pick it up. the answer is no, animal control",
"will only come pick up live animals. then she",
"calls the department of transportation to see if",
"they will pick it up, and they say no, they only",
"pick up dead animals off the street. at this",
"point, my mother asks us what the fuck we should",
"do with this dead deer in our yard, and the dot",
"says that we are supposed to bury it on our",
"property.",
"of course that’s not happening, so my mother",
"tells me to put some gloves on and carry this",
"“sick” deer to the street so the dot will come",
"pick it up. so i put some yellow gloves on, come",
"pick up this baby deer that weighs probably 30",
"pounds, and carry it’s stiff body to the street,",
"hearing the liquid contents of it’s stomach slosh",
"around while i do it. it’s not decayed at all so",
"it’s not that gross, but it’s a very sad scene.",
"i put the deer in the street, and now anybody",
"that is talking a walk around my neighborhood and",
"happens to venture up my street is now greeted by",
"this dead fawn frozen in place with the head",
"cocked back at 70 degrees with a look of terror",
"in her eyes. the deer sits there for a few hours",
"and the dot comes to pick it up in the afternoon,",
"because now there’s a dead animal in the road.",
"rest in peace, baby deer."
] |
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ago and i see a deer and her two babies were cigarette on my front porch. i have a great idea that there’s a sick deer in the front yard and we “sick” deer to the street so the dot will come pick up this baby deer that weighs probably 30 because now there’s a dead animal in the road.
|
35 | 15 | 0.83 | 35 |
this delicious event happened after a great night of heavy drinking. everyone was passed out but i was still starving and bacon is amazing. so i opened a fresh pack and starting frying away. with the pan i have, you can only have four slices on at a time so i'd be eating 4 while cooking 4 others. so i ending up just eating the entire pack. then came the time to dispose of the grease. i always heard that you shouldn't put grease down the garbage disposal so i got out a mug to pour the grease in. i got over the sink and started pouring. something to note here is that i didn't dispose of any grease while i was cooking so i bet you can imagine how much grease was in that pan after cooking a full pack of bacon. so i started pouring and it was taking forever. my drunkenness got the better of me and i tilted to pan a little too much and pour grease all over my thumb. i immediately yelled fuck and dropped everything into the sink, grease flying everywhere. i turned the faucet on which led to some sweet relief but as soon as i took my thumb out of the stream of water, i thought i was dieing. after about 10 minutes of this, i decided to take a few more shots and try to pass out. once i got to my bed, the pain was still just unbearable. there was no way i would be able to fall asleep. so i tried to come up with solutions. chop it off? no. suck on my thumb all night? possibly but grease burns taste wierd. so i decided to sleep in the hallway with my thumb in a cup of water. this miraculously worked wrll and that is how i found out how to sleep with a grease burned thumb. the next day, i woke up with my thumb looking like a balloon as it blistered up to double it's size. this was kinda cool since it felt like an air bag and didn't hurt too much.
|
ate a full pack of bacon and then poured bacon grease all over my thumb.
|
eating a full pack of bacon
|
[
"this delicious event happened after a great night",
"of heavy drinking. everyone was passed out but i",
"was still starving and bacon is amazing. so i",
"opened a fresh pack and starting frying away.",
"with the pan i have, you can only have four",
"slices on at a time so i'd be eating 4 while",
"cooking 4 others. so i ending up just eating the",
"entire pack. then came the time to dispose of the",
"grease. i always heard that you shouldn't put",
"grease down the garbage disposal so i got out a",
"mug to pour the grease in. i got over the sink",
"and started pouring. something to note here is",
"that i didn't dispose of any grease while i was",
"cooking so i bet you can imagine how much grease",
"was in that pan after cooking a full pack of",
"bacon. so i started pouring and it was taking",
"forever. my drunkenness got the better of me and",
"i tilted to pan a little too much and pour grease",
"all over my thumb. i immediately yelled fuck and",
"dropped everything into the sink, grease flying",
"everywhere. i turned the faucet on which led to",
"some sweet relief but as soon as i took my thumb",
"out of the stream of water, i thought i was",
"dieing. after about 10 minutes of this, i decided",
"to take a few more shots and try to pass out.",
"once i got to my bed, the pain was still just",
"unbearable. there was no way i would be able to",
"fall asleep. so i tried to come up with",
"solutions. chop it off? no. suck on my thumb all",
"night? possibly but grease burns taste wierd. so",
"i decided to sleep in the hallway with my thumb",
"in a cup of water. this miraculously worked wrll",
"and that is how i found out how to sleep with a",
"grease burned thumb. the next day, i woke up with",
"my thumb looking like a balloon as it blistered",
"up to double it's size. this was kinda cool since",
"it felt like an air bag and didn't hurt too much."
] |
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] |
was in that pan after cooking a full pack of all over my thumb. i immediately yelled fuck and
|
39 | 14 | 0.79 | 39 |
flights are scary as fuck so i take 3x the recommended dose of ativan to calm the fuck down. i works really well but it always makes me forget or neglect the fact that mixing it with alcohol can be extremely dangerous. mixing the two multiplies drunkeness by a crazy amount, it can lead to alcohol poisoning, blind rage, and even death.
i get to the all inclusive hotel and immediately start pounding drinks, i'm here to party boys. black the fuck out within an hour.
wake up the next morning in my hotel room bed covered in sweat but in one piece, pretty successful ending to an ativan drunk. but i unfortunately learned from my friend that i didn't just pass out and slip into my comfy bed like a baby bear.
my body was a car and the ativan had taken the wheel.
in my blacked out state apparently i tried to fight a 55 year old man and my best friends. ativan rage, check. my friends left to go back to the room and fall asleep, not me, ativan's here to party boys.
at about 3am my friend thinks he hears something outside the door. it's my body, passed out on the ground. the ativan did who knows what while they were gone then dropped my passed out body on the door step and fucked off. i was carried to my bed where i laid on my back and pissed all over my body (it wasn't sweat).
|
mixed a shit ton of ativan with alcohol, blacked the fuck out, ativan took over, tried to fight people, body was lifeless outside the hotel room, ended with golden showers on myself.
|
mixing drugs with alcohol in mexico.
|
[
"flights are scary as fuck so i take 3x the",
"recommended dose of ativan to calm the fuck down.",
"i works really well but it always makes me forget",
"or neglect the fact that mixing it with alcohol",
"can be extremely dangerous. mixing the two",
"multiplies drunkeness by a crazy amount, it can",
"lead to alcohol poisoning, blind rage, and even",
"death.",
"i get to the all inclusive hotel and immediately",
"start pounding drinks, i'm here to party boys.",
"black the fuck out within an hour.",
"wake up the next morning in my hotel room bed",
"covered in sweat but in one piece, pretty",
"successful ending to an ativan drunk. but i",
"unfortunately learned from my friend that i",
"didn't just pass out and slip into my comfy bed",
"like a baby bear.",
"my body was a car and the ativan had taken the",
"wheel.",
"in my blacked out state apparently i tried to",
"fight a 55 year old man and my best friends.",
"ativan rage, check. my friends left to go back to",
"the room and fall asleep, not me, ativan's here",
"to party boys.",
"at about 3am my friend thinks he hears something",
"outside the door. it's my body, passed out on the",
"ground. the ativan did who knows what while they",
"were gone then dropped my passed out body on the",
"door step and fucked off. i was carried to my bed",
"where i laid on my back and pissed all over my",
"body (it wasn't sweat)."
] |
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] |
recommended dose of ativan to calm the fuck down. my body was a car and the ativan had taken the in my blacked out state apparently i tried to outside the door. it's my body, passed out on the
|
17 | 22 | 0.8 | 17 |
so this happened about 15 mins ago (now, when i say 15 mins ago i mean on wednesday since we can't post sexual things until the weekend). fiance and i had a couple bottles of wine and things started heating up. the idea of rim-lathing came up and i went to clean up the backdoor region.
things started going great. we were really getting into things and i wanted the bum gummin' to go further. so we decided to get a little thumb action going.
down the rabbit hole she goes.
at this point i should point out a few hours earlier i was making chili. she was cutting up the peppers for me and i like jalapenos in it. well apparently she never washed her hands afterwords. this minute detail was over looked in the heat of the moment (see what i'm doing here).
well the first few seconds were ok. then it all started feeling a tit bit warm down there. then it was getting hot. and then the burning. well that shit burns pretty bad. so after scrubbing my derriere with a wash cloth for a while it kind of worked.
thank god for eating chili before hand because all the southern winds have been helping to cool things off.
|
fiance put her thumb in my ass after cutting up jalapenos. things got pretty heated after that.
|
getting a hot butt
|
[
"so this happened about 15 mins ago (now, when i",
"say 15 mins ago i mean on wednesday since we",
"can't post sexual things until the weekend).",
"fiance and i had a couple bottles of wine and",
"things started heating up. the idea of",
"rim-lathing came up and i went to clean up the",
"backdoor region.",
"things started going great. we were really",
"getting into things and i wanted the bum gummin'",
"to go further. so we decided to get a little",
"thumb action going.",
"down the rabbit hole she goes.",
"at this point i should point out a few hours",
"earlier i was making chili. she was cutting up",
"the peppers for me and i like jalapenos in it.",
"well apparently she never washed her hands",
"afterwords. this minute detail was over looked in",
"the heat of the moment (see what i'm doing here).",
"well the first few seconds were ok. then it all",
"started feeling a tit bit warm down there. then",
"it was getting hot. and then the burning. well",
"that shit burns pretty bad. so after scrubbing my",
"derriere with a wash cloth for a while it kind of",
"worked.",
"thank god for eating chili before hand because",
"all the southern winds have been helping to cool",
"things off."
] |
[
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earlier i was making chili. she was cutting up that shit burns pretty bad. so after scrubbing my
|
28 | 8 | 0.8 | 28 |
sorry to disappoint but this happened during 6th grade and i was a little shit. i had the attention span of a gnat, and this was when teachers still used the lightbulb overhead projectors that were painful to learn from.
it was 30 minutes into a lecture by my english teacher, and i was already getting drowzy sitting all the way in the back of the room in the dark, with my legs crossed on the floor. i'm not sure how, but i managed to find a small grouping of staples on the floor, the ones that are still stuck together to be directly fed into a stapler. as my wild imagination began to unfold, i figured: "wow! maybe i could somehow bend this into a figure-- like one half can be a table... and this half is a chair!" the exact thought process.
here was the problem: there was no immediate way i could bend the second half of my staples to resemble a chair, and i was adamant in making my miniature lawn set. i really don't know where i was going with this part, but i found a pair of those really old cast iron teacher scissors (the ones about as long as an adults forearm), and began manuvering the blades to halve the four staples width-wise between my fingers.
-snip- in the silent classroom, i nearly shit myself because it was so loud and i may have interrupted the lecture. no one turned around, i breathe a sigh of relief, cool. let's continue our project. uh-oh, i lost the other half of the staples i cut... then my eyes focused better in the dark-- there was a "u" shaped cut on my left fingertip, even a bit of the nail was gone. there wasn't blood, right away, but of course i had to squeeze the finger to make sure it didn't bleed, but it did, it bled all over the place and i had splatter marks on the linoleum floor at this point. i grabbed some tissue and wrapped it around my finger and waited until the end of class. 45 minutes later.
i waited as my classmates began clearing out of the room. my best friend asked me why i had a tissue around my finger and i didn't say anything. i approached the teacher, she was younger and a new teacher with maybe 2 years total of teaching experience. i asked her, like an idiot: "what should i do about this?" and lifted the bunched tissue and the blood started streaming down again and some dripped on her foot. she and my best friend fucking lost it and she had no idea what to do, since now another class was coming in. she ran me to the nurse's office who wasn't quite sure what to do about it either. they ended up coating it in vaseline and wrapping a shitton of band-aids around it and sending me home. strangely enough, it didn't hurt, but it was gruesome has hell. thankfully, the tip of my finger did grow back, but it took 6 months of having a plateau shaped fingertip.
|
i cut my finger due to my terrible childhood imagination, managed to score an early dismissal, and my finger did grow back.
|
cutting off a piece of my finger with scissors
|
[
"sorry to disappoint but this happened during 6th",
"grade and i was a little shit. i had the",
"attention span of a gnat, and this was when",
"teachers still used the lightbulb overhead",
"projectors that were painful to learn from.",
"it was 30 minutes into a lecture by my english",
"teacher, and i was already getting drowzy sitting",
"all the way in the back of the room in the dark,",
"with my legs crossed on the floor. i'm not sure",
"how, but i managed to find a small grouping of",
"staples on the floor, the ones that are still",
"stuck together to be directly fed into a stapler.",
"as my wild imagination began to unfold, i",
"figured: \"wow! maybe i could somehow bend this",
"into a figure-- like one half can be a table...",
"and this half is a chair!\" the exact thought",
"process.",
"here was the problem: there was no immediate way",
"i could bend the second half of my staples to",
"resemble a chair, and i was adamant in making my",
"miniature lawn set. i really don't know where i",
"was going with this part, but i found a pair of",
"those really old cast iron teacher scissors (the",
"ones about as long as an adults forearm), and",
"began manuvering the blades to halve the four",
"staples width-wise between my fingers.",
"-snip- in the silent classroom, i nearly shit",
"myself because it was so loud and i may have",
"interrupted the lecture. no one turned around, i",
"breathe a sigh of relief, cool. let's continue",
"our project. uh-oh, i lost the other half of the",
"staples i cut... then my eyes focused better in",
"the dark-- there was a \"u\" shaped cut on my left",
"fingertip, even a bit of the nail was gone. there",
"wasn't blood, right away, but of course i had to",
"squeeze the finger to make sure it didn't bleed,",
"but it did, it bled all over the place and i had",
"splatter marks on the linoleum floor at this",
"point. i grabbed some tissue and wrapped it",
"around my finger and waited until the end of",
"class. 45 minutes later.",
"i waited as my classmates began clearing out of",
"the room. my best friend asked me why i had a",
"tissue around my finger and i didn't say",
"anything. i approached the teacher, she was",
"younger and a new teacher with maybe 2 years",
"total of teaching experience. i asked her, like",
"an idiot: \"what should i do about this?\" and",
"lifted the bunched tissue and the blood started",
"streaming down again and some dripped on her",
"foot. she and my best friend fucking lost it and",
"she had no idea what to do, since now another",
"class was coming in. she ran me to the nurse's",
"office who wasn't quite sure what to do about it",
"either. they ended up coating it in vaseline and",
"wrapping a shitton of band-aids around it and",
"sending me home. strangely enough, it didn't",
"hurt, but it was gruesome has hell. thankfully,",
"the tip of my finger did grow back, but it took 6",
"months of having a plateau shaped fingertip."
] |
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how, but i managed to find a small grouping of the tip of my finger did grow back, but it took 6
|
6 | 4 | 0.91 | 6 |
this happened today.
last night i used google maps' satellite view to plot a bike route to work. there's this field not far from my house that has a small driveway leading up to it. this field also connects to the parking lot of one of the business's close to my work. this route would allow me to bypass 2 main roads and shorten the distance to work by almost half. the satellite view showed a nice trail running along the edge of the field that spilled out into a nice paved parking lot. it looked like an easy ride. it wasn't.
i left the house at my usual time, all the while thinking i'd have plenty of time to change and eat breakfast before my shift started. so i get to the field and at first everything is fine, a little too leafy for my liking but whatever, it'll be worth it. i carefully made my way through the overgrown brush and thorny ass plants. i should note that i don't see that well i wasn't looking too closely at the clearing up ahead.
as i start to near the entrance to the parking lot, i look up. damnit! a fence! not just a fence, a tall, barbed wire fence! i look for a way around but i'm sol. i swiped my hand over my phone to check the time. i had 17 minutes to get work, change, clock in and be ready to rock n' roll (i do not actually rock n' roll for a living). the trip from my house to work takes about 12 minutes.
i couldn't afford to be as careful on the way back through the field. i rode as fast as i could without wiping out. during the mad dash to the road, i managed to completely soak my shoes and socks. i also got several scratches on my already poison oak covered legs.
i made it to work with 4 minutes to spare. i clocked in and quickly changed. i keep some spare shoes in my desk drawer so i slipped those on. i had to take my socks and hang them on my bicycle and leave my shoes out by it to dry. they finally (mostly) dried out by lunch time. my feet were cold all morning.
|
took a different route to work with no prep, ended up with soaked feet, scratched up legs and no breakfast.
|
taking a different route to work.
|
[
"this happened today.",
"last night i used google maps' satellite view to",
"plot a bike route to work. there's this field not",
"far from my house that has a small driveway",
"leading up to it. this field also connects to the",
"parking lot of one of the business's close to my",
"work. this route would allow me to bypass 2 main",
"roads and shorten the distance to work by almost",
"half. the satellite view showed a nice trail",
"running along the edge of the field that spilled",
"out into a nice paved parking lot. it looked like",
"an easy ride. it wasn't.",
"i left the house at my usual time, all the while",
"thinking i'd have plenty of time to change and",
"eat breakfast before my shift started. so i get",
"to the field and at first everything is fine, a",
"little too leafy for my liking but whatever,",
"it'll be worth it. i carefully made my way",
"through the overgrown brush and thorny ass",
"plants. i should note that i don't see that well",
"i wasn't looking too closely at the clearing up",
"ahead.",
"as i start to near the entrance to the parking",
"lot, i look up. damnit! a fence! not just a",
"fence, a tall, barbed wire fence! i look for a",
"way around but i'm sol. i swiped my hand over my",
"phone to check the time. i had 17 minutes to get",
"work, change, clock in and be ready to rock n'",
"roll (i do not actually rock n' roll for a",
"living). the trip from my house to work takes",
"about 12 minutes.",
"i couldn't afford to be as careful on the way",
"back through the field. i rode as fast as i could",
"without wiping out. during the mad dash to the",
"road, i managed to completely soak my shoes and",
"socks. i also got several scratches on my already",
"poison oak covered legs.",
"i made it to work with 4 minutes to spare. i",
"clocked in and quickly changed. i keep some",
"spare shoes in my desk drawer so i slipped those",
"on. i had to take my socks and hang them on my",
"bicycle and leave my shoes out by it to dry. they",
"finally (mostly) dried out by lunch time. my feet",
"were cold all morning."
] |
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] |
plot a bike route to work. there's this field not poison oak covered legs. i made it to work with 4 minutes to spare. i
|
31 | 3 | 0.88 | 31 |
a long time ago in a shopping mall far, far away...
it was the mid 80's and my brother was an assistant manager of the chuck e cheese's in our local mall. i would go up there close to closing time on saturday nights. my brother would give me a bucket of tokens to keep me occupied, and after closing, it'd turn into a party. we'd drink beer, blast the music or, put snl up on the projection tv. we'd clean and party until 1 am or so.
one saturday night i end up arriving way early for some stupid reason. this place usually did a good business but, the place was really packed this night. my brother sees me, grabs me, and says "we're short handed and you need to be chuck e". he helps me into the costume, leads me onto the floor, and just leaves me there. so there i am. 14 yo, 5'2 jutnob, standing in a fucking rat suit that i can barely see out of. i'm not sure where i am on the floor. i damn sure couldn't see well enough to walk around. i just stuck out there, getting molested by unseen hands and, ninja hugs. i'm doing the "smile and wave, boys" routine but after a while, it started to feel like that scene in silence of the lambs when jodie foster is in that blacked out house.
i'm dying in this fucking suit. i have no idea how long i've been out on the floor but, it felt like hours. the place is crowded, the suit hot and i'm sweating my ass off in it. i can't see well enough to the kitchen so, i'm just stuck out there.
then, i hear an excited kid scream chuckieee!!!! and the next thing i know, this little girl runs head long into my stomach. i double over a bit from the unexpected blow and when i do, all the sweat that had accumulated in chuck e's head, comes pouring out his mouth and on to that little girl. now, when i say poured, i do mean poured! i could actually hear my sweat leaving the costume. this little girl starts crying, and screaming, **"chuck e. threw up on me!!"**
next thing i know, i'm surrounded by some moms and man, are they pissed! there was a little pushing and a lot of yelling. i'm standing there, petrified. i'm expecting an ass whipping any second.
someone grabs me and starts pulling me away. it was my brother, thankfully. he gets me off the floor and the cashier helps me out of the suit. my brother gave away sooooo much shit to make those moms happy. he later apologized to me because he honestly forgot about me being out there for 45 minutes in that fucking suit.
|
my brother put me to work as chuck e. cheese and, my head sweat poured out of chuck e's mouth, and drenched a little girl.
|
dressing up as chuck e. cheese
|
[
"a long time ago in a shopping mall far, far",
"away...",
"it was the mid 80's and my brother was an",
"assistant manager of the chuck e cheese's in our",
"local mall. i would go up there close to closing",
"time on saturday nights. my brother would give me",
"a bucket of tokens to keep me occupied, and after",
"closing, it'd turn into a party. we'd drink beer,",
"blast the music or, put snl up on the projection",
"tv. we'd clean and party until 1 am or so.",
"one saturday night i end up arriving way early",
"for some stupid reason. this place usually did a",
"good business but, the place was really packed",
"this night. my brother sees me, grabs me, and",
"says \"we're short handed and you need to be chuck",
"e\". he helps me into the costume, leads me onto",
"the floor, and just leaves me there. so there i",
"am. 14 yo, 5'2 jutnob, standing in a fucking rat",
"suit that i can barely see out of. i'm not sure",
"where i am on the floor. i damn sure couldn't see",
"well enough to walk around. i just stuck out",
"there, getting molested by unseen hands and,",
"ninja hugs. i'm doing the \"smile and wave, boys\"",
"routine but after a while, it started to feel",
"like that scene in silence of the lambs when",
"jodie foster is in that blacked out house.",
"i'm dying in this fucking suit. i have no idea",
"how long i've been out on the floor but, it felt",
"like hours. the place is crowded, the suit hot",
"and i'm sweating my ass off in it. i can't see",
"well enough to the kitchen so, i'm just stuck out",
"there.",
"then, i hear an excited kid scream chuckieee!!!!",
"and the next thing i know, this little girl runs",
"head long into my stomach. i double over a bit",
"from the unexpected blow and when i do, all the",
"sweat that had accumulated in chuck e's head,",
"comes pouring out his mouth and on to that little",
"girl. now, when i say poured, i do mean poured! i",
"could actually hear my sweat leaving the costume.",
"this little girl starts crying, and screaming,",
"**\"chuck e. threw up on me!!\"**",
"next thing i know, i'm surrounded by some moms",
"and man, are they pissed! there was a little",
"pushing and a lot of yelling. i'm standing there,",
"petrified. i'm expecting an ass whipping any",
"second.",
"someone grabs me and starts pulling me away. it",
"was my brother, thankfully. he gets me off the",
"floor and the cashier helps me out of the suit.",
"my brother gave away sooooo much shit to make",
"those moms happy. he later apologized to me",
"because he honestly forgot about me being out",
"there for 45 minutes in that fucking suit."
] |
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this night. my brother sees me, grabs me, and sweat that had accumulated in chuck e's head, comes pouring out his mouth and on to that little
|
7 | 3 | 0.81 | 7 |
i wasn't sure what the right word was, but yeah, i almost injured a blind person. i just want to put this before hand, in this most nicest way, i'm sorry i take things for granted, now i understand how tough you guys are.
so i saw a blind man at my school. we have lots of stairs. lots. you'll get a sense just how many in the story. he was bumping around and i thought it was odd because most people have assistance at school. if they didn't, they seemed able to handle themselves (i'm not sure why) so the first thing i said was 'do you need help?' he said yes, so i helped him; i let him take my arm.
this was my first fuck up. it's not that i have anything against anyone, but i'm seeing a counselor about my aversion to being touched. (yeah, i got issues) but i thought, "well, i already offered, to late to back out." this was my first problem in guiding the man. right now, thinking back, i would subconsciously move away from him which just was one of the reason why he probably walked funny because i was half dragging him in a way.
when i offered my arm to him he stowed his stick. i guess he trusted me enough to not use it? he shouldn't have. because right after that, we hit stairs going up and i fucked up. i forgot to tell him there was stairs. he tripped. but he said 'that's okay'. when we reached the top we talked.
during the whole time i was trying hard not to fuck up again, so then i started looking out for stairs and telling him when there was stairs. i also tried mentioning, 'now we go right/left'. so while i was concentrating on the path, he was chatting with me. he had an accent so unfortunately my poor concentration got thrown off and then i started saying nonsense, such as asking if he was a student at school despite him just moments ago saying he was taking class x 101. as i eased into the conversation i forgot to mention stairs again, this time going down. i fucked up twice. the stair case had a flat bit for a bit and then went down again. too late, i forgot to mention that. anyways, by the third stumble his stick came out and i guess he didn't trust me anymore, which was understandable.
but, gladly, that was the last set of stairs and i left him at his destination. and that was that.
side note: i'm sorry if this 'tifu' made me sound like a jackass, i suppose i might have been, but you know what, this was an eye opener, (no pun intended) and now i realize the stuff i take for granted. so, in the nicest way possible, damn, how you keep up with concentrating on walking, accents someone else etc... is wonderful. koodos.
|
i don't know how to guide a blind person properly and he tripped at least three times.
|
almost injuring a blind person
|
[
"i wasn't sure what the right word was, but yeah, i",
"almost injured a blind person. i just want to put",
"this before hand, in this most nicest way, i'm",
"sorry i take things for granted, now i understand",
"how tough you guys are.",
"so i saw a blind man at my school. we have lots",
"of stairs. lots. you'll get a sense just how many",
"in the story. he was bumping around and i thought",
"it was odd because most people have assistance at",
"school. if they didn't, they seemed able to",
"handle themselves (i'm not sure why) so the first",
"thing i said was 'do you need help?' he said yes,",
"so i helped him; i let him take my arm.",
"this was my first fuck up. it's not that i have",
"anything against anyone, but i'm seeing a",
"counselor about my aversion to being touched.",
"(yeah, i got issues) but i thought, \"well, i",
"already offered, to late to back out.\" this was",
"my first problem in guiding the man. right now,",
"thinking back, i would subconsciously move away",
"from him which just was one of the reason why he",
"probably walked funny because i was half dragging",
"him in a way.",
"when i offered my arm to him he stowed his stick.",
"i guess he trusted me enough to not use it? he",
"shouldn't have. because right after that, we hit",
"stairs going up and i fucked up. i forgot to tell",
"him there was stairs. he tripped. but he said",
"'that's okay'. when we reached the top we talked.",
"during the whole time i was trying hard not to",
"fuck up again, so then i started looking out for",
"stairs and telling him when there was stairs. i",
"also tried mentioning, 'now we go right/left'. so",
"while i was concentrating on the path, he was",
"chatting with me. he had an accent so",
"unfortunately my poor concentration got thrown",
"off and then i started saying nonsense, such as",
"asking if he was a student at school despite him",
"just moments ago saying he was taking class x",
"101. as i eased into the conversation i forgot to",
"mention stairs again, this time going down. i",
"fucked up twice. the stair case had a flat bit",
"for a bit and then went down again. too late, i",
"forgot to mention that. anyways, by the third",
"stumble his stick came out and i guess he didn't",
"trust me anymore, which was understandable.",
"but, gladly, that was the last set of stairs and",
"i left him at his destination. and that was that.",
"side note: i'm sorry if this 'tifu' made me sound",
"like a jackass, i suppose i might have been, but",
"you know what, this was an eye opener, (no pun",
"intended) and now i realize the stuff i take for",
"granted. so, in the nicest way possible, damn,",
"how you keep up with concentrating on walking,",
"accents someone else etc... is wonderful. koodos."
] |
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almost injured a blind person. i just want to put him there was stairs. he tripped. but he said
|
135 | 24 | 0.94 | 135 |
so this happened yesterday and now i'm grounded so yeah.
was playing ball with my good friend at the park when i noticed the ball had a little less bounce and then needed in order to dunk like jordan... we'd need to pump this bad boy up. problem number one: i had no pump. after a quick youtube search we decide the putting the basketball in my microwave will be a quick fix that'll get us our ball back and i'll put on the hops. i'm not stupid of course so i test it in the microwave for 10 seconds and it seems all good. now for the long haul, i put it in there for 1 minuet, doesn't seem too long right? after 30 seconds the microwave is starting to smell and my moms asking me, "hey whats that smell?" she walks in the kitchen, sees my friend and i, sees the microwave going and then **boom!** the microwave door flys off and hits my mom in the head. shes stunned but not hurt and now my kitchen looks like afghanistan. i gotta make up 100$ for a new microwave and i'm not getting my phone back any time soon.
[my kitchen](https://imgur.com/gallery/ph68m)
|
i put basketball in microwave, it blew up and hit my mom
|
blowing up the microwave with a basketball.
|
[
"so this happened yesterday and now i'm grounded so",
"yeah.",
"was playing ball with my good friend at the park",
"when i noticed the ball had a little less bounce",
"and then needed in order to dunk like jordan...",
"we'd need to pump this bad boy up. problem number",
"one: i had no pump. after a quick youtube search",
"we decide the putting the basketball in my",
"microwave will be a quick fix that'll get us our",
"ball back and i'll put on the hops. i'm not",
"stupid of course so i test it in the microwave",
"for 10 seconds and it seems all good. now for the",
"long haul, i put it in there for 1 minuet,",
"doesn't seem too long right? after 30 seconds the",
"microwave is starting to smell and my moms asking",
"me, \"hey whats that smell?\" she walks in the",
"kitchen, sees my friend and i, sees the microwave",
"going and then **boom!** the microwave door flys",
"off and hits my mom in the head. shes stunned but",
"not hurt and now my kitchen looks like",
"afghanistan. i gotta make up 100$ for a new",
"microwave and i'm not getting my phone back any",
"time soon.",
"[my kitchen](https://imgur.com/gallery/ph68m)"
] |
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] |
we decide the putting the basketball in my long haul, i put it in there for 1 minuet,
|
27 | 11 | 0.86 | 27 |
this happened 2 days ago. i'm a college student, it was 7 pm after class, and i usually walk back home while browsing reddit through a reddit app (unofficial). i was looking at a cat video on front page (can't find it now) near the exit of apartment complex when suddenly a car came out of the parking lot. the driver didn't seem to see me (she didn't stop) so i jerked back to avoid her and dropped my phone. i picked my phone and put it in my backpack subconsciously while giving a nasty deathstare to the driver (which just drove away probably oblivious to the whole thing - she's an old lady). i walked back home still high on adrenaline and generally shitty mood, ate dinner and fell asleep, completely forgot that my phone was still running that cat video. i woke up in the middle of the night, remember i did not set my alarm and got my phone off backpack, only to find that the app has been burning through 4 gb of data.
my phone does not auto-sleep when an app is running.. and usually i have my phone wifi on but that day it was off... otherwise it'll use home internet. since the monthly charge just started the day before, i basically burned through a whole month of data. now i cannot internet from phone for a whole month :( no more browsing reddit during my daily walks :( although the light at the end of tunnel is, compared to some other tifu this does not seem to be that bad (first world tifu).
edit: this is the particular cat video
https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/70dxog/first_video_of_our_new_kitten_nora_and_she_does/
edit: obligatory proof (imgur failed to upload so i used google drive)
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0b700ejuj38-_awvvuw5eoutuemc/view?usp=sharing
|
watching cat video on reddit while walking home, almost got hit by a car, forgot to close cat video for hours, cat video drained whole month of data
|
forgetting to close a reddit video in my phone for 6 hours and burning through gigabytes of data
|
[
"this happened 2 days ago. i'm a college student,",
"it was 7 pm after class, and i usually walk back",
"home while browsing reddit through a reddit app",
"(unofficial). i was looking at a cat video on",
"front page (can't find it now) near the exit of",
"apartment complex when suddenly a car came out of",
"the parking lot. the driver didn't seem to see me",
"(she didn't stop) so i jerked back to avoid her",
"and dropped my phone. i picked my phone and put",
"it in my backpack subconsciously while giving a",
"nasty deathstare to the driver (which just drove",
"away probably oblivious to the whole thing -",
"she's an old lady). i walked back home still high",
"on adrenaline and generally shitty mood, ate",
"dinner and fell asleep, completely forgot that my",
"phone was still running that cat video. i woke up",
"in the middle of the night, remember i did not",
"set my alarm and got my phone off backpack, only",
"to find that the app has been burning through 4",
"gb of data.",
"my phone does not auto-sleep when an app is",
"running.. and usually i have my phone wifi on but",
"that day it was off... otherwise it'll use home",
"internet. since the monthly charge just started",
"the day before, i basically burned through a",
"whole month of data. now i cannot internet from",
"phone for a whole month :( no more browsing",
"reddit during my daily walks :( although the",
"light at the end of tunnel is, compared to some",
"other tifu this does not seem to be that bad",
"(first world tifu).",
"edit: this is the particular cat video",
"https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/70dxog/firs",
"t_video_of_our_new_kitten_nora_and_she_does/",
"edit: obligatory proof (imgur failed to upload so",
"i used google drive)",
"https://drive.google.com/file/d/0b700ejuj38-_awvv",
"uw5eoutuemc/view?usp=sharing"
] |
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] |
home while browsing reddit through a reddit app (unofficial). i was looking at a cat video on whole month of data. now i cannot internet from
|
566 | 93 | 0.91 | 566 |
[emetophobia/vomiting/choking/drowning warning]
yesterday, my boyfriend was having an already bad day from taking a midterm and general mental health problems. it's unseasonably hot, so i felt gross from sweat and wanted to shower. he didn't want to, due to feeling upset, but i convinced him to. eventually he cheers up a little and we start messing around by taking mouthfuls of water and spitting it out on each other (that sounds weird now i say it?). the playful spitting escalates as we each try to be annoying as possible, and i end up holding his mouth open and spitting the water into it.
he immediately froze up, but i didn't understand why, i thought maybe he was upset that i did that. i go to his side, and he then vomits in the shower. i immediately realized i had fucked up, but i thought that maybe i hit the back of his throat too hard so he gagged on the water or something. he vomits twice more, and moves out of the shower towards the door of the stall. he isn't vomiting, but still is struggling, so i try to do heimlich, but he grabs my hands so i stop. he then throws himself at the door, yells 9-1-1, and i grab him and try to calm him down. after that, he was breathing frantically.
until he told me, i did not realize he wasn't breathing the entire time.
after describing the trauma of not being able to breathe for 20 seconds, he apologized for vomiting in front of me. i told him i owe him anything he wants for at least a month. (we spent the rest of the night playing portal 2)
edit: both of us are guys.
|
i spit water into my bf's mouth, making him drown and think he was going to die in the shower.
|
almost killing my boyfriend in the shower
|
[
"[emetophobia/vomiting/choking/drowning warning]",
"yesterday, my boyfriend was having an already bad",
"day from taking a midterm and general mental",
"health problems. it's unseasonably hot, so i felt",
"gross from sweat and wanted to shower. he didn't",
"want to, due to feeling upset, but i convinced",
"him to. eventually he cheers up a little and we",
"start messing around by taking mouthfuls of water",
"and spitting it out on each other (that sounds",
"weird now i say it?). the playful spitting",
"escalates as we each try to be annoying as",
"possible, and i end up holding his mouth open and",
"spitting the water into it.",
"he immediately froze up, but i didn't understand",
"why, i thought maybe he was upset that i did",
"that. i go to his side, and he then vomits in the",
"shower. i immediately realized i had fucked up,",
"but i thought that maybe i hit the back of his",
"throat too hard so he gagged on the water or",
"something. he vomits twice more, and moves out of",
"the shower towards the door of the stall. he",
"isn't vomiting, but still is struggling, so i try",
"to do heimlich, but he grabs my hands so i stop.",
"he then throws himself at the door, yells 9-1-1,",
"and i grab him and try to calm him down. after",
"that, he was breathing frantically.",
"until he told me, i did not realize he wasn't",
"breathing the entire time.",
"after describing the trauma of not being able to",
"breathe for 20 seconds, he apologized for",
"vomiting in front of me. i told him i owe him",
"anything he wants for at least a month. (we",
"spent the rest of the night playing portal 2)",
"edit: both of us are guys."
] |
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] |
spitting the water into it. that. i go to his side, and he then vomits in the
|
93 | 48 | 0.85 | 93 |
today, i had to work from home and brought home a bunch of audio software from work. i work as a sound designer in the software industry. audio has been a passion since i was a kid. and like all kids, i was a fucking idiot. and like all *millennial* kids, i was an idiot who pirated a shit ton of software needlessly. mind you, i'm talking probably two to three operating system upgrades back - in ye olde days where it was still "a grey area" in the mind of every teenager. i've "gone clean" on all software since i started freelancing probably 8 years ago.
for those who don't know, the gist of the piracy process is this: to prevent software from recognizing that they're hacked, you have to modify a file on your computer to prevent them from phoning home to the server that checks registration details.
but if you edit that file, it also, that prevents your actual, legal software from phoning home and registering too.
so since yesterday, i've gone through three layers of tech support, and wasted an entire working day and a half, nevermind all the customers who they could have been helping instead of me, before i quietly realized on the phone that my edited hosts file was probably the reason the server wasn't seeing my connection.
i made up some bs reason to get off the phone call and checked the file. with the deletion of a single line of text, i can now get back to work...it's only too bad i already missed my clients deadline - and boy are they stoked about that.
|
i missed a client deadline and have to make up the work at a heavy discount all because i wasted time on account of stealing software as a teenager.
|
pirating software as a kid just cost me almost a grand, stressed me out for two days, and has a client super pissed at me.
|
[
"today, i had to work from home and brought home a",
"bunch of audio software from work. i work as a",
"sound designer in the software industry. audio",
"has been a passion since i was a kid. and like",
"all kids, i was a fucking idiot. and like all",
"*millennial* kids, i was an idiot who pirated a",
"shit ton of software needlessly. mind you, i'm",
"talking probably two to three operating system",
"upgrades back - in ye olde days where it was",
"still \"a grey area\" in the mind of every",
"teenager. i've \"gone clean\" on all software since",
"i started freelancing probably 8 years ago.",
"for those who don't know, the gist of the piracy",
"process is this: to prevent software from",
"recognizing that they're hacked, you have to",
"modify a file on your computer to prevent them",
"from phoning home to the server that checks",
"registration details.",
"but if you edit that file, it also, that prevents",
"your actual, legal software from phoning home and",
"registering too.",
"so since yesterday, i've gone through three",
"layers of tech support, and wasted an entire",
"working day and a half, nevermind all the",
"customers who they could have been helping",
"instead of me, before i quietly realized on the",
"phone that my edited hosts file was probably the",
"reason the server wasn't seeing my connection.",
"i made up some bs reason to get off the phone",
"call and checked the file. with the deletion of a",
"single line of text, i can now get back to",
"work...it's only too bad i already missed my",
"clients deadline - and boy are they stoked about",
"that."
] |
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] |
bunch of audio software from work. i work as a teenager. i've "gone clean" on all software since recognizing that they're hacked, you have to clients deadline - and boy are they stoked about
|
9 | 3 | 0.9 | 9 |
i am a college student. i also have depression. normally i take my pills and everything is fine. however, last week i ran out. i thought i had more refills left than i did, but i was told earlier this week that i can only get an additional refill by skipping my classes and a couple days of work to go back to the office where i got the prescription on the opposite side of the state. because i can't afford to do that, i started looking for alternate sources. eventually i realized that my school has a clinic. so i went over there today, and they told me that in order for them to give me a refill i would have to make a separate appointment to give them information at which point they would set up a third appointment to talk to a councilor at which point i would be ok'd to set up a fourth appointment to talk to a psychiatrist, at which point i would be able to request a refill on my pre-existing prescription. so i made the appointment for the first step of the process. (which they won't actually be able to do for another 2 weeks) but the doctor i spoke to told me that there was a medical center down the road that could possibly give me one more refill while i jumped through all of their hoops. so, i walked down the street to the second medical center. i spoke to a couple nurses, described the situation, and they said that they could give me the new prescription no problem. i filled out some paperwork (name insurance info etc) and we got down to business. afterwards, they handed me the script and told me to go to the next room to check out. so i went to their check out area where they needed my insurance info. now a bit of back story. my entire family is on the same insurance plan. one of my parents work at a insurance firm so we get better rates than we would if we each had our own plan. so i call up the parent and ask them to pass on some additional info that i did not have. they spoke on the phone for a minute and then a nurse informed us that we needed to pay them $470. fortunately we had that much in a emergency medical fund. however, i just spent almost $500 on a single months supply of medicine and i am drowning in shame.
|
tried to get a prescription refilled, ended up charging my family almost $500. so, in a search for the medication i need i accidentally depleted my family's health savings account.
|
with prescription medication
|
[
"i am a college student. i also have depression.",
"normally i take my pills and everything is fine.",
"however, last week i ran out. i thought i had",
"more refills left than i did, but i was told",
"earlier this week that i can only get an",
"additional refill by skipping my classes and a",
"couple days of work to go back to the office",
"where i got the prescription on the opposite side",
"of the state. because i can't afford to do that,",
"i started looking for alternate sources.",
"eventually i realized that my school has a",
"clinic. so i went over there today, and they told",
"me that in order for them to give me a refill i",
"would have to make a separate appointment to give",
"them information at which point they would set up",
"a third appointment to talk to a councilor at",
"which point i would be ok'd to set up a fourth",
"appointment to talk to a psychiatrist, at which",
"point i would be able to request a refill on my",
"pre-existing prescription. so i made the",
"appointment for the first step of the process.",
"(which they won't actually be able to do for",
"another 2 weeks) but the doctor i spoke to told",
"me that there was a medical center down the road",
"that could possibly give me one more refill while",
"i jumped through all of their hoops. so, i walked",
"down the street to the second medical center. i",
"spoke to a couple nurses, described the",
"situation, and they said that they could give me",
"the new prescription no problem. i filled out",
"some paperwork (name insurance info etc) and we",
"got down to business. afterwards, they handed me",
"the script and told me to go to the next room to",
"check out. so i went to their check out area",
"where they needed my insurance info. now a bit of",
"back story. my entire family is on the same",
"insurance plan. one of my parents work at a",
"insurance firm so we get better rates than we",
"would if we each had our own plan. so i call up",
"the parent and ask them to pass on some",
"additional info that i did not have. they spoke",
"on the phone for a minute and then a nurse",
"informed us that we needed to pay them $470.",
"fortunately we had that much in a emergency",
"medical fund. however, i just spent almost $500",
"on a single months supply of medicine and i am",
"drowning in shame."
] |
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me that in order for them to give me a refill i pre-existing prescription. so i made the back story. my entire family is on the same medical fund. however, i just spent almost $500
|
51 | 16 | 0.97 | 51 |
this fuck up started years ago but only caught up with me now. when i was in my late teens and early twenties i was a shitty drug addict. i once went as far as breaking my finger on purpose to get pain medication. my family started locking up money and pills when i was visiting. around this time is when my dad had a generous prescription for kidney stones.
as you can tell i wasn't very smart back then, and in my brilliant mind i decided that if i couldn't have my dads medication i would have to get my own. i looked up the causes of kidney stones and made a passive effort to get them. my thinking was that i could play up the pain and the prescription would be worth it. in the end i didn't get kidney stones and forgot about the idiotic plan.
i've been clean for a number of years now. i started having pain and noticed pink in my piss so i went to the doctor and lo and behold he told me i have kidney stones. he gave me the prescription i wanted years ago but because i'm clean i'm trying not to use it unless i desperately need to. let me tell you, kidney stone pain is **not** worth the prescription. holy fucking hell it hurts. i doubt my efforts contributed to them, the doctor said it's most likely hereditary, yet i can't help but think it's cosmic justice. either that or i've completed a most successful long con.
|
my past heroin addict self tried to get kidney stones for a prescription. after many years clean my present day self has kidney stones and can't use said prescription.
|
trying to give myself kidney stones
|
[
"this fuck up started years ago but only caught up",
"with me now. when i was in my late teens and",
"early twenties i was a shitty drug addict. i once",
"went as far as breaking my finger on purpose to",
"get pain medication. my family started locking up",
"money and pills when i was visiting. around this",
"time is when my dad had a generous prescription",
"for kidney stones.",
"as you can tell i wasn't very smart back then,",
"and in my brilliant mind i decided that if i",
"couldn't have my dads medication i would have to",
"get my own. i looked up the causes of kidney",
"stones and made a passive effort to get them. my",
"thinking was that i could play up the pain and",
"the prescription would be worth it. in the end i",
"didn't get kidney stones and forgot about the",
"idiotic plan.",
"i've been clean for a number of years now. i",
"started having pain and noticed pink in my piss",
"so i went to the doctor and lo and behold he told",
"me i have kidney stones. he gave me the",
"prescription i wanted years ago but because i'm",
"clean i'm trying not to use it unless i",
"desperately need to. let me tell you, kidney",
"stone pain is **not** worth the prescription.",
"holy fucking hell it hurts. i doubt my efforts",
"contributed to them, the doctor said it's most",
"likely hereditary, yet i can't help but think",
"it's cosmic justice. either that or i've",
"completed a most successful long con."
] |
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] |
for kidney stones. stones and made a passive effort to get them. my i've been clean for a number of years now. i
|
113 | 15 | 0.91 | 113 |
yes, this actually happened today, still need to take a shit
so a friend and i skip class a lot to go to the bathroom and hang out and just enjoy the feeling of not being in class. we typically go in separate stalls and talk for the whole period, as well as do other funny shit.
so he texted me and said he was on his way, and then someone appeared in the stall next to me. we do this all the time, it's always him, so i assumed it was him this time as well. i called his name, he didn't respond, so i thought he was just fucking with me.
so to fuck with him, i decided to light some toilet paper on fire and throw it over the stall at him. i was laughing my ass off when i threw it, but i was concerned when he didn't laugh back. about a minute went by, and then he texted me "dude who's in there?" and then i saw his shoes in the bathroom, outside of the stall. what followed was an episode of a fire increasing in size by a likely terrified kid who was too scared to stamp out the fire, and me running out of that bathroom as fast as i could.
|
i thought i was making a joke with my friend, instead i threw fire at an innocent kid taking a shit
|
throwing flaming toilet paper at a stranger
|
[
"yes, this actually happened today, still need to",
"take a shit",
"so a friend and i skip class a lot to go to the",
"bathroom and hang out and just enjoy the feeling",
"of not being in class. we typically go in",
"separate stalls and talk for the whole period, as",
"well as do other funny shit.",
"so he texted me and said he was on his way, and",
"then someone appeared in the stall next to me. we",
"do this all the time, it's always him, so i",
"assumed it was him this time as well. i called",
"his name, he didn't respond, so i thought he was",
"just fucking with me.",
"so to fuck with him, i decided to light some",
"toilet paper on fire and throw it over the stall",
"at him. i was laughing my ass off when i threw",
"it, but i was concerned when he didn't laugh",
"back. about a minute went by, and then he texted",
"me \"dude who's in there?\" and then i saw his",
"shoes in the bathroom, outside of the stall. what",
"followed was an episode of a fire increasing in",
"size by a likely terrified kid who was too scared",
"to stamp out the fire, and me running out of that",
"bathroom as fast as i could."
] |
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] |
take a shit at him. i was laughing my ass off when i threw
|
19 | 27 | 0.85 | 19 |
so this is currently ongoing. yesterday i rode home on the motorcycle and left my backpack like i usually do in the garage. unfortunately it rained on the way home so everything was dripping wet. i was going about my routine and went to grab my shirts and mug out of the compartment and as i pull them out in the split second i did i noticed something looked off. as my eyes adjusted i could see clearly the objects i was holding were swarming with fire ants. i panicked a bit and threw the shirts across the room scattering ants everywhere. fucking everywhere reddit. i collect myself reached in carefully to get only my laptop checked it quickly and left for work. i thought it was over besides the one i found crawling on my leg.
well my laptop has since heated up and wouldn't you know it, they're attempting to swarm my desk. at 76 kills now.
here's a picture: https://imgur.com/a/dwwpx
|
left backpack in garage now have literal bugs in my code
|
leaving my backpack in the garage.
|
[
"so this is currently ongoing. yesterday i rode",
"home on the motorcycle and left my backpack like",
"i usually do in the garage. unfortunately it",
"rained on the way home so everything was dripping",
"wet. i was going about my routine and went to",
"grab my shirts and mug out of the compartment and",
"as i pull them out in the split second i did i",
"noticed something looked off. as my eyes adjusted",
"i could see clearly the objects i was holding",
"were swarming with fire ants. i panicked a bit",
"and threw the shirts across the room scattering",
"ants everywhere. fucking everywhere reddit. i",
"collect myself reached in carefully to get only",
"my laptop checked it quickly and left for work. i",
"thought it was over besides the one i found",
"crawling on my leg.",
"well my laptop has since heated up and wouldn't",
"you know it, they're attempting to swarm my desk.",
"at 76 kills now.",
"here's a picture: https://imgur.com/a/dwwpx"
] |
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] |
home on the motorcycle and left my backpack like i usually do in the garage. unfortunately it
|
15,765 | 1,059 | 0.95 | 15,765 |
this happened today - about four hours ago, in fact - so i'm still feeling the side-effects of my ill-advised bravado and hiding under my bedclothes regretting everything that has led me to my perpetual goal of trying to "spice up my life." i'll start from the beginning.
where i live, on the east coast of straya, you're spoilt for choice if your tastebuds tingle at the thought of meat pies, prawns for the barbie, or if you're just cray-cray for crayfish. and while i have all my life gone ga-ga for gold coast cuisine, about four years ago i had the fortune of discovering what is now my favourite dish in the world - pho, a traditional vietnamese soup. because i first ate this in a hole-in-the-wall ghetto in kreuzberg, i was well aware that i hadn't found my golden goose, and since then i have been on an eternal search for the perfect pho. i haven't found it yet, but there's a winner of a granny-and-gramps home-run vietnamese restaurant that does a 9/10 for just $14 (that'll hardly buy you a decent maccas down under), and by lord if i haven't been there at least twice a month with old mate since i found it.
i haven't always loved spicy food. and if you think you can see where this is going, no it's not your traditional "white-boi-eats-spicy-food-and-shits-fire" story. i didn't grow up with it, but i love to cook and experiment and recently i've gotten so comfortable (read: arrogant) in the kitchen that i consider(ed) myself a bit of a hothead for the red thunder. i'll go out and pick chillies off my neighbours plants (with permission of course) and i grow my own at home. came across some carolina reapers in my supermarket a few months back, bought em, tried em, loved them. i'm not going to argue the science over whether it's endorphins or natural highs or anything like that, but eating those little bastards makes me feel amazing, and by golly do i chase that feeling.
so the last few months, old mate, her boyfriend and i have gone to this restaurant many times and each time i politely request that the pho makes me "cry at the table, sweat out of my clothes, and beg for forgiveness", or some variation thereof. each time, old mate and i cry, moan, eat quickly and tip well, but looks like i crossed the line tonight when i asked for "the hottest pho this kitchen has ever made." (i think this is the specific point of where "i fucked up"). when asked if i wanted fresh or dry (aka hotter) chillies on the side, i asked for both, as i normally do.
so the pho is served in these huge bowls with the small plates of chilli, beansprouts, and other aromatics alongside, and boy does it smell good. but my chillies aren't served on the normal black mini-plate - they've come in a small bowl, and are coated with a thin dark sauce. i think nothing of it (how bad can it be? lol) and dump them all right in there. old mate tries some of the sauce on her finger after i point it out and i'm not sure if she needed an excuse for another vodka tonic, but she sure went and got one after that. confident i could put her "i'm-indian-and-you're-white-therefore-i-can-handle-spice-and-you-can't" argument in the ground for good, i dig in, and by golly it's hot. i ask the waitress what's up with the sauce, and she says the words i'll never forget;
**"the chef made that up just for you. we don't serve it to the public."**
elated by the fact that i could now crown myself as the regular spice-king-hothead of this lovely little restaurant (and my chilli high was coming on) i smash down the whole bowl, with not a drop of water for the duration. i was sweating by the third mouthful, tears by the fourth, but i made it through (helped by the chilli numbing my mouth) and happily ordered the banana fritters with ice cream for dessert.
but before they got there, the pain started. as the "high" wore off, and that familiar *heat* started moving down my chest, i became deeply uncomfortable. it was like watching the last episode of how i met your mother - you know something's about to happen, and it's probably about to be pretty shit. i ordered two bottles of water and smashed them down, but unfortunately we were past the face/mouth stage and i had capsaicin about to nuke my stomach. i ducked out of the restaurant and bombed over to the gas station, where i managed to smash down two bottles of good ol' breaka choccy milk before i'd even paid for them. next visit: the domino's toilet.
so there i was, sitting on the domino's toilet with what felt like ragnaros and deathwing having an flame-filled orgy in my chest. i couldn't shit; i didn't need to shit, so i knew the only option was to weather the pain. stepped outside, lit a smoke (fight fire with fire, amirite?) but to no comfort. i was at the mercy of the vietnamese overlords, and oh golly do i regret ever trifling with them. this was no indigestion; no "bad tummies for spaggies", but a combination of "you may have ulcerated your colon" topped off with a nice helping of "you've necked so much breaka you feel physically ill."
about thirty seconds after that i offered my finest artistic work to date - a spraypaint of the back pavement of zaraffas (think starbucks) with "dinner; a rendition by drinkingspaghetti (2017)" and now four hours on, the immense discomfort has finally begun to subside. i have taken off my imaginary fucking medal that i awarded myself for finishing "the hottest pho ever served at grammy and gramps" and thrown it in the imaginary fucking dumpster. i will of course, return next week, and allow the staff to mock me and offer the chef my praises. going to the doctor's tomorrow to make sure that i haven't permanently damaged my body.
**edit**: cheers for all your concern boys and girls, i've been fine all day! due to popular demand, the restaurant is called can tho kitchen and is in runaway bay on the gold coast, near harbour town. mods didn't delete my comment where i detailed this so i assume it's okay. bookings are a must, they do 2 seatings a night and the pho really is the best thing on the menu. it's really affordable as well. 10/10 my fave restaurant around here. maybe i'll see some of you there next weekend!
|
white boi may have ulcerated stomach due to a lack of respect for a plant that is used in concentrated doses in surgeries to permanently deaden nerves .
|
trying to take on everything a vietnamese chef threw at me.
|
[
"this happened today - about four hours ago, in",
"fact - so i'm still feeling the side-effects of",
"my ill-advised bravado and hiding under my",
"bedclothes regretting everything that has led me",
"to my perpetual goal of trying to \"spice up my",
"life.\" i'll start from the beginning.",
"where i live, on the east coast of straya, you're",
"spoilt for choice if your tastebuds tingle at the",
"thought of meat pies, prawns for the barbie, or",
"if you're just cray-cray for crayfish. and while",
"i have all my life gone ga-ga for gold coast",
"cuisine, about four years ago i had the fortune",
"of discovering what is now my favourite dish in",
"the world - pho, a traditional vietnamese soup.",
"because i first ate this in a hole-in-the-wall",
"ghetto in kreuzberg, i was well aware that i",
"hadn't found my golden goose, and since then i",
"have been on an eternal search for the perfect",
"pho. i haven't found it yet, but there's a winner",
"of a granny-and-gramps home-run vietnamese",
"restaurant that does a 9/10 for just $14 (that'll",
"hardly buy you a decent maccas down under), and",
"by lord if i haven't been there at least twice a",
"month with old mate since i found it.",
"i haven't always loved spicy food. and if you",
"think you can see where this is going, no it's",
"not your traditional",
"\"white-boi-eats-spicy-food-and-shits-fire\" story.",
"i didn't grow up with it, but i love to cook and",
"experiment and recently i've gotten so",
"comfortable (read: arrogant) in the kitchen that",
"i consider(ed) myself a bit of a hothead for the",
"red thunder. i'll go out and pick chillies off my",
"neighbours plants (with permission of course) and",
"i grow my own at home. came across some carolina",
"reapers in my supermarket a few months back,",
"bought em, tried em, loved them. i'm not going to",
"argue the science over whether it's endorphins or",
"natural highs or anything like that, but eating",
"those little bastards makes me feel amazing, and",
"by golly do i chase that feeling.",
"so the last few months, old mate, her boyfriend",
"and i have gone to this restaurant many times and",
"each time i politely request that the pho makes",
"me \"cry at the table, sweat out of my clothes,",
"and beg for forgiveness\", or some variation",
"thereof. each time, old mate and i cry, moan, eat",
"quickly and tip well, but looks like i crossed",
"the line tonight when i asked for \"the hottest",
"pho this kitchen has ever made.\" (i think this is",
"the specific point of where \"i fucked up\"). when",
"asked if i wanted fresh or dry (aka hotter)",
"chillies on the side, i asked for both, as i",
"normally do.",
"so the pho is served in these huge bowls with the",
"small plates of chilli, beansprouts, and other",
"aromatics alongside, and boy does it smell good.",
"but my chillies aren't served on the normal black",
"mini-plate - they've come in a small bowl, and",
"are coated with a thin dark sauce. i think",
"nothing of it (how bad can it be? lol) and dump",
"them all right in there. old mate tries some of",
"the sauce on her finger after i point it out and",
"i'm not sure if she needed an excuse for another",
"vodka tonic, but she sure went and got one after",
"that. confident i could put her",
"\"i'm-indian-and-you're-white-therefore-i-can-hand",
"le-spice-and-you-can't\"",
"argument in the ground for good, i dig in, and by",
"golly it's hot. i ask the waitress what's up with",
"the sauce, and she says the words i'll never",
"forget;",
"**\"the chef made that up just for you. we",
"don't serve it to the public.\"**",
"elated by the fact that i could now crown myself",
"as the regular spice-king-hothead of this lovely",
"little restaurant (and my chilli high was coming",
"on) i smash down the whole bowl, with not a drop",
"of water for the duration. i was sweating by the",
"third mouthful, tears by the fourth, but i made",
"it through (helped by the chilli numbing my",
"mouth) and happily ordered the banana fritters",
"with ice cream for dessert.",
"but before they got there, the pain started. as",
"the \"high\" wore off, and that familiar *heat*",
"started moving down my chest, i became deeply",
"uncomfortable. it was like watching the last",
"episode of how i met your mother - you know",
"something's about to happen, and it's probably",
"about to be pretty shit. i ordered two bottles of",
"water and smashed them down, but unfortunately we",
"were past the face/mouth stage and i had",
"capsaicin about to nuke my stomach. i ducked out",
"of the restaurant and bombed over to the gas",
"station, where i managed to smash down two",
"bottles of good ol' breaka choccy milk before i'd",
"even paid for them. next visit: the domino's",
"toilet.",
"so there i was, sitting on the domino's toilet",
"with what felt like ragnaros and deathwing having",
"an flame-filled orgy in my chest. i couldn't",
"shit; i didn't need to shit, so i knew the only",
"option was to weather the pain. stepped outside,",
"lit a smoke (fight fire with fire, amirite?) but",
"to no comfort. i was at the mercy of the",
"vietnamese overlords, and oh golly do i regret",
"ever trifling with them. this was no indigestion;",
"no \"bad tummies for spaggies\", but a combination",
"of \"you may have ulcerated your colon\" topped off",
"with a nice helping of \"you've necked so much",
"breaka you feel physically ill.\"",
"about thirty seconds after that i offered my",
"finest artistic work to date - a spraypaint of",
"the back pavement of zaraffas (think starbucks)",
"with \"dinner; a rendition by drinkingspaghetti",
"(2017)\" and now four hours on, the immense",
"discomfort has finally begun to subside. i have",
"taken off my imaginary fucking medal that i",
"awarded myself for finishing \"the hottest pho",
"ever served at grammy and gramps\" and thrown it",
"in the imaginary fucking dumpster. i will of",
"course, return next week, and allow the staff to",
"mock me and offer the chef my praises. going to",
"the doctor's tomorrow to make sure that i haven't",
"permanently damaged my body.",
"**edit**: cheers for all your concern boys and",
"girls, i've been fine all day! due to popular",
"demand, the restaurant is called can tho kitchen",
"and is in runaway bay on the gold coast, near",
"harbour town. mods didn't delete my comment where",
"i detailed this so i assume it's okay. bookings",
"are a must, they do 2 seatings a night and the",
"pho really is the best thing on the menu. it's",
"really affordable as well. 10/10 my fave",
"restaurant around here. maybe i'll see some of",
"you there next weekend!"
] |
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restaurant that does a 9/10 for just $14 (that'll of "you may have ulcerated your colon" topped off permanently damaged my body. girls, i've been fine all day! due to popular
|
28 | 6 | 0.78 | 28 |
so this just happened about an hour and a half ago...
allow me to preface this by saying that i am at least a little bit allergic to every nut there is. my worst allergy, however, is peanuts. my dad usually takes all peanut/tree nut products to work with him so i don’t get sick. today, however, was different.
i woke up at 6:45 this morning, completely exhausted because i went to see billy joel last night.
i went down to the basement to grab an energy bar from the pantry, not bothering to read the label. i could’ve sworn it was a chocolate chip clif bar. i returned to the kitchen, sat down at the table and tore into my breakfast.
i noticed there were no chocolate chips in the energy bar, but decided to eat it anyway. about five seconds into my first bite, i noticed something was off. didn’t taste like chocolate. finally read the label of the energy bar, and to my horror... **crunchy. peanut. butter.**
*holy shit.* all of a sudden, being the raging hypochondriac i am, i convinced myself that my throat was closing up. i quickly grabbed two benadryl from the medicine cabinet and retrieved my epi-pen just in case.
thankfully, the extent of the reaction was a runny nose and itchy eyes. i’ve never had to use my epi-pen, so i’m glad today wasn’t the day my streak would end. thank goodness.
i was supposed to take a test today, but i’m glad i get to stay home and have the weekend to study. will keep y’all posted if something happens.
|
ate a peanut butter energy bar and almost went into shock the day i was supposed to take a test. i get the weekend to study since i’m staying home 😊
|
almost going into anaphylactic shock
|
[
"so this just happened about an hour and a half",
"ago...",
"allow me to preface this by saying that i am at",
"least a little bit allergic to every nut there",
"is. my worst allergy, however, is peanuts. my dad",
"usually takes all peanut/tree nut products to",
"work with him so i don’t get sick. today,",
"however, was different.",
"i woke up at 6:45 this morning, completely",
"exhausted because i went to see billy joel last",
"night.",
"i went down to the basement to grab an energy bar",
"from the pantry, not bothering to read the label.",
"i could’ve sworn it was a chocolate chip clif",
"bar. i returned to the kitchen, sat down at the",
"table and tore into my breakfast.",
"i noticed there were no chocolate chips in the",
"energy bar, but decided to eat it anyway. about",
"five seconds into my first bite, i noticed",
"something was off. didn’t taste like chocolate.",
"finally read the label of the energy bar, and to",
"my horror... **crunchy. peanut. butter.**",
"*holy shit.* all of a sudden, being the raging",
"hypochondriac i am, i convinced myself that my",
"throat was closing up. i quickly grabbed two",
"benadryl from the medicine cabinet and retrieved",
"my epi-pen just in case.",
"thankfully, the extent of the reaction was a",
"runny nose and itchy eyes. i’ve never had to use",
"my epi-pen, so i’m glad today wasn’t the day my",
"streak would end. thank goodness.",
"i was supposed to take a test today, but i’m glad",
"i get to stay home and have the weekend to study.",
"will keep y’all posted if something happens."
] |
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finally read the label of the energy bar, and to my horror... **crunchy. peanut. butter.** i was supposed to take a test today, but i’m glad i get to stay home and have the weekend to study.
|
23 | 2 | 0.8 | 23 |
obligatory didn't happen today - was actually a year ago, exactly haha.
so i was part of this school trip to noumea, new caledonia, while i was taking part of this french exchange thing. there i was, with some 15-20 other people, most a bit older than my mild 15 years, but still most of them were good people. the 4 boys on the trip, (we'll call them bob, fin jeff and myself) had a bit of banter, never really got to heavy though. but! there was this one girl who was really starting to piss us off:
we'll call her sally. sally was about the most stereotypical annoying white girl possible. she was insistent on speaking english on a tropical island surrounded by attractive french people. she was also a teachers pet, although i use that term loosely, considering our teacher mr corridor didn't like her much either. he was often a part of our sessions of just ripping into this girl in retaliation for her superiority complex, but good old monsieur was still very insistent on following the rules.
this was a bit of a problem. see, the quartet that i was talking about, we had this game to pass the time. we would come up with a dare, and then play 4 way papiere, ciseaux roche (paper scissors rock) to decide who had to do the dare. most of the bad ones were to piss sally off, because her pansy ass couldn't take any of the fun that we were having. some examples of dares included asking for bright red pantyhose at the auckland airport victoria secret, or moaning out loud while doing 20 press ups in the middle of a café. but the worst one came to me. i lost a dare that i had to go on a bus, and use an expired bus ticket that i found on the ground outside the bus station. seems not too bad,
right?
well, not so fast, redditor. see, the thing i forgot to mention was that i never actually checked the bus ticket. i had assumed that it would just be expired or at the very least used, so it would be declined on the bus and i wouldn't be allowed on. well, unluckily for me, it was a montlhly ticket. suddenly, as i get up to go on the bus, i hear sally yell out "wah stop i'm gonna go get mr corridor hes gonna get so mad omg omg omg" like the retard she is. but i ignore her, and to the amusement of my friends, board the bus. so i put the ticket into the scanner, and wait for the unfortunate declined sound that would mean i could leave the bus. however, that never happens: the ticket gets accepted. meanwhile, fin has just gassed it to wherever sally went so that he could stop her and get bob to explain it, but ends up accidentally slipping and tackling her into the sidewalk, resulting in more unfortunate explanations.
so while i'm contemplating what went wrong, i realize the bus driver has closed the doors. so now, i'm left with no exit, and stuck on a bus where i don't even know is going to, and worst of all, since i left my bag, i have no way to contact any of my friends or teacher back in noumea. next thing i know, i'm trying to communicate to any of the asians on the bus, or even the bus driver, but since he is hidden behind his glass panel he doesn't hear a word of what i'm saying. then, after what felt like an hour, i finally arrive at my destination, which i still don't know what is called. luckily, mr corridor managed to trace the bus number to the city or town where i was going to, meaning i only diverted everyone elses days and plans for like 4 hours. cue earful from mr corridor, his wife, my parents over the phone, but worst of all, sally fucking mann. i couldn't stand the smug look on her face so i just didn't look at her for the rest of the 12 days.
|
lost a dare, boarded a bus i wasn't meant to, ended up in a random city in a foreign country.
|
using a non expired bus ticket
|
[
"obligatory didn't happen today - was actually a",
"year ago, exactly haha.",
"so i was part of this school trip to noumea, new",
"caledonia, while i was taking part of this french",
"exchange thing. there i was, with some 15-20",
"other people, most a bit older than my mild 15",
"years, but still most of them were good people.",
"the 4 boys on the trip, (we'll call them bob, fin",
"jeff and myself) had a bit of banter, never",
"really got to heavy though. but! there was this",
"one girl who was really starting to piss us off:",
"we'll call her sally. sally was about the most",
"stereotypical annoying white girl possible. she",
"was insistent on speaking english on a tropical",
"island surrounded by attractive french people.",
"she was also a teachers pet, although i use that",
"term loosely, considering our teacher mr corridor",
"didn't like her much either. he was often a part",
"of our sessions of just ripping into this girl in",
"retaliation for her superiority complex, but good",
"old monsieur was still very insistent on",
"following the rules.",
"this was a bit of a problem. see, the quartet",
"that i was talking about, we had this game to",
"pass the time. we would come up with a dare, and",
"then play 4 way papiere, ciseaux roche (paper",
"scissors rock) to decide who had to do the dare.",
"most of the bad ones were to piss sally off,",
"because her pansy ass couldn't take any of the",
"fun that we were having. some examples of dares",
"included asking for bright red pantyhose at the",
"auckland airport victoria secret, or moaning out",
"loud while doing 20 press ups in the middle of a",
"café. but the worst one came to me. i lost a dare",
"that i had to go on a bus, and use an expired bus",
"ticket that i found on the ground outside the bus",
"station. seems not too bad,",
"right?",
"well, not so fast, redditor. see, the thing i",
"forgot to mention was that i never actually",
"checked the bus ticket. i had assumed that it",
"would just be expired or at the very least used,",
"so it would be declined on the bus and i wouldn't",
"be allowed on. well, unluckily for me, it was a",
"montlhly ticket. suddenly, as i get up to go on",
"the bus, i hear sally yell out \"wah stop i'm",
"gonna go get mr corridor hes gonna get so mad omg",
"omg omg\" like the retard she is. but i ignore",
"her, and to the amusement of my friends, board",
"the bus. so i put the ticket into the scanner,",
"and wait for the unfortunate declined sound that",
"would mean i could leave the bus. however, that",
"never happens: the ticket gets accepted.",
"meanwhile, fin has just gassed it to wherever",
"sally went so that he could stop her and get bob",
"to explain it, but ends up accidentally slipping",
"and tackling her into the sidewalk, resulting in",
"more unfortunate explanations.",
"so while i'm contemplating what went wrong, i",
"realize the bus driver has closed the doors. so",
"now, i'm left with no exit, and stuck on a bus",
"where i don't even know is going to, and worst of",
"all, since i left my bag, i have no way to",
"contact any of my friends or teacher back in",
"noumea. next thing i know, i'm trying to",
"communicate to any of the asians on the bus, or",
"even the bus driver, but since he is hidden",
"behind his glass panel he doesn't hear a word of",
"what i'm saying. then, after what felt like an",
"hour, i finally arrive at my destination, which i",
"still don't know what is called. luckily, mr",
"corridor managed to trace the bus number to the",
"city or town where i was going to, meaning i only",
"diverted everyone elses days and plans for like 4",
"hours. cue earful from mr corridor, his wife, my",
"parents over the phone, but worst of all, sally",
"fucking mann. i couldn't stand the smug look on",
"her face so i just didn't look at her for the",
"rest of the 12 days."
] |
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café. but the worst one came to me. i lost a dare
|
99 | 12 | 0.9 | 99 |
tifu but actually this was yesterday afternoon.
so a little back ground: i am a graduate student and we have a collective office for the graduate students in our department. we just moved offices into some rooms on the top floor of the history building on campus over the summer and we are still getting settled in.
so it was free queso day at moe's so my buddy and i go get food around 3:30-4 and bring it back to eat. as is tradition i have to take an emergency shit pretty much right after i finish my meal; so i head to the bathroom. now these new bathrooms are really really tiny, like the toilet barely fits in between the wall and the stall wall and the urinal is like immediately next to that same stall wall. if you're doing anything in there you kind of rubbing elbows with anyone else in there too.
so around 5 i'm in the bathroom on our floor beefin' it real hard. the janitor ladies come around to do their thing and i can hear them hanging out talking for a really long time outside the bathroom which makes me nervous and i try to wait them out until they leave so i can leave without having that awkward "i'm sorry for what i just did in there" eye contact. this is where i fucked up. one of them comes in to clean the bathroom and see my feet and goes back out into the hall and start talking about "there is a guy in there. he won't leave. he is skipping class. what is he doing in there?" so i'm thinking "fuck me, it'll be more weird if i leave now." i wait longer hoping they will move on and comeback later but they don't, they just hangout outside the bathroom talking about me and how i won't leave. i thought they would move on to the other classrooms and circle back and finish the bathroom but no they just waited and kept talking about how i was taking a really long time. so now i'm feeling super awkward and my legs have fallen asleep so i put my headphones in so they at least think i might not have heard that they were waiting on me. i walk by them to the office and can still hear them talking about how i took a really time in there.
fast forward like an hour and me and 2 other grad students are in the office talking and we hear the door being unlocked and it opens to 2 police officers. we all greeted them with a confused "uhh hey?" the main officer tells us that they are responding to a call about a suspicious person in the building possibly in our room. the cop then points at me and says "i think it was you!" and then laughs and tells us to have a nice day and they leave without asking any further questions. i guess they saw that we belonged in our office.
now i'm just waiting for an email from my project manager and professors asking to explain why the cops were called to our new office looking for me.
|
i took a nasty shit in our new office floor that we share with classrooms and my natural awkwardness got me to try and wait out the custodial staff, who were waiting on me, and they called the cops on me for being a suspicious person.
|
getting the cops called into my office looking for a suspicious person because i’m awkward and took a really long time in the bathroom.
|
[
"tifu but actually this was yesterday afternoon.",
"so a little back ground: i am a graduate student",
"and we have a collective office for the graduate",
"students in our department. we just moved offices",
"into some rooms on the top floor of the history",
"building on campus over the summer and we are",
"still getting settled in.",
"so it was free queso day at moe's so my buddy and",
"i go get food around 3:30-4 and bring it back to",
"eat. as is tradition i have to take an emergency",
"shit pretty much right after i finish my meal; so",
"i head to the bathroom. now these new bathrooms",
"are really really tiny, like the toilet barely",
"fits in between the wall and the stall wall and",
"the urinal is like immediately next to that same",
"stall wall. if you're doing anything in there you",
"kind of rubbing elbows with anyone else in there",
"too.",
"so around 5 i'm in the bathroom on our floor",
"beefin' it real hard. the janitor ladies come",
"around to do their thing and i can hear them",
"hanging out talking for a really long time",
"outside the bathroom which makes me nervous and i",
"try to wait them out until they leave so i can",
"leave without having that awkward \"i'm sorry for",
"what i just did in there\" eye contact. this is",
"where i fucked up. one of them comes in to clean",
"the bathroom and see my feet and goes back out",
"into the hall and start talking about \"there is a",
"guy in there. he won't leave. he is skipping",
"class. what is he doing in there?\" so i'm",
"thinking \"fuck me, it'll be more weird if i leave",
"now.\" i wait longer hoping they will move on and",
"comeback later but they don't, they just hangout",
"outside the bathroom talking about me and how i",
"won't leave. i thought they would move on to the",
"other classrooms and circle back and finish the",
"bathroom but no they just waited and kept talking",
"about how i was taking a really long time. so now",
"i'm feeling super awkward and my legs have fallen",
"asleep so i put my headphones in so they at least",
"think i might not have heard that they were",
"waiting on me. i walk by them to the office and",
"can still hear them talking about how i took a",
"really time in there.",
"fast forward like an hour and me and 2 other grad",
"students are in the office talking and we hear",
"the door being unlocked and it opens to 2 police",
"officers. we all greeted them with a confused",
"\"uhh hey?\" the main officer tells us that they",
"are responding to a call about a suspicious",
"person in the building possibly in our room. the",
"cop then points at me and says \"i think it was",
"you!\" and then laughs and tells us to have a nice",
"day and they leave without asking any further",
"questions. i guess they saw that we belonged in",
"our office.",
"now i'm just waiting for an email from my project",
"manager and professors asking to explain why the",
"cops were called to our new office looking for",
"me."
] |
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try to wait them out until they leave so i can waiting on me. i walk by them to the office and can still hear them talking about how i took a are responding to a call about a suspicious questions. i guess they saw that we belonged in cops were called to our new office looking for
|
90 | 17 | 0.86 | 90 |
not a major fuck-up, but still pretty dumb.
reddit noob here. this is my first post, so be gentle :)
meet me, typical broke uni student trying to eat anything other than macca’s. thought i saw some uncooked spaghetti laying around in the pantry from whenever months back and decide that it’s the perfect way to ease myself back in to the world of real food.
water, on. spaghetti, in. discount supermarket bolognese sauce, microwaved. playing some games to pass time. life is good.
five, eight minutes in and the spaghetti’s still as stiff as an unwashed handkerchief. i trust my instincts and leave it alone. ten minutes more and nothing changes, except now the kitchen smells vaguely like sandalwood. i wait few more minutes. the place is small, ventilation is subpar, and there is now pine-scented smoke everywhere. the fire alarm starts. i am running around with the tea towel, flapping my arms up and down. the fire alarm stops. i stop too, although by now it's because i am about to have an asthma attack. i cough my way around the room and manage to grope everything other than my inhaler. the next one or two minutes consist of me opening every window and door i could get my hands on as if i was in the opening sequence to some london musical, although instead of the smell of fresh dough it was the smell of some brief and distant springtime hellscape.
then, in a truly anti-climactic fashion, everything calms down.
i finally decide it might be a good idea to read the cooking instructions and dig around for the packet.
[the regretti packet.](https://i.imgur.com/wcpu3um.jpg)
|
i cook a scrumptious dish of bamboo skewer bolognese. i go to bed hungry and puffed.
|
making stickghetti.
|
[
"not a major fuck-up, but still pretty dumb.",
"reddit noob here. this is my first post, so be",
"gentle :)",
"meet me, typical broke uni student trying to eat",
"anything other than macca’s. thought i saw some",
"uncooked spaghetti laying around in the pantry",
"from whenever months back and decide that it’s",
"the perfect way to ease myself back in to the",
"world of real food.",
"water, on. spaghetti, in. discount supermarket",
"bolognese sauce, microwaved. playing some games",
"to pass time. life is good.",
"five, eight minutes in and the spaghetti’s still",
"as stiff as an unwashed handkerchief. i trust my",
"instincts and leave it alone. ten minutes more",
"and nothing changes, except now the kitchen",
"smells vaguely like sandalwood. i wait few more",
"minutes. the place is small, ventilation is",
"subpar, and there is now pine-scented smoke",
"everywhere. the fire alarm starts. i am running",
"around with the tea towel, flapping my arms up",
"and down. the fire alarm stops. i stop too,",
"although by now it's because i am about to have",
"an asthma attack. i cough my way around the room",
"and manage to grope everything other than my",
"inhaler. the next one or two minutes consist of",
"me opening every window and door i could get my",
"hands on as if i was in the opening sequence to",
"some london musical, although instead of the",
"smell of fresh dough it was the smell of some",
"brief and distant springtime hellscape.",
"then, in a truly anti-climactic fashion,",
"everything calms down.",
"i finally decide it might be a good idea to read",
"the cooking instructions and dig around for the",
"packet.",
"[the regretti",
"packet.](https://i.imgur.com/wcpu3um.jpg)"
] |
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world of real food. i finally decide it might be a good idea to read
|
242 | 54 | 0.88 | 242 |
so this didn't happen today. happened a couple years ago. long story short. i went to chick fil a and purchased a milkshake with my good buddy. on our way back home, i decided to toss the rest of the milkshake outside. by accident, i hit another car that was passing by. in response, the guy shot 3-4 bullets at the car i was in. one went through the center console, one went through the passenger seat near the bottom end, and the other two went through the rear tail lights. i can provide a news article with proof, and yes, i was a stupid teenager. never littered again to this day.
the reason i share you this story is because my best friend and role model who was with me during the event, passed away one year ago. this is one of my most memorable times i had with him
|
threw a milkshake out the car window. hit another car. the guy in that car fired 4 shots in return and all of the shots hit the body of the car
|
purchasing a chickfila milkshake
|
[
"so this didn't happen today. happened a couple",
"years ago. long story short. i went to chick fil",
"a and purchased a milkshake with my good buddy.",
"on our way back home, i decided to toss the rest",
"of the milkshake outside. by accident, i hit",
"another car that was passing by. in response, the",
"guy shot 3-4 bullets at the car i was in. one",
"went through the center console, one went through",
"the passenger seat near the bottom end, and the",
"other two went through the rear tail lights. i",
"can provide a news article with proof, and yes, i",
"was a stupid teenager. never littered again to",
"this day.",
"the reason i share you this story is because my",
"best friend and role model who was with me during",
"the event, passed away one year ago. this is one",
"of my most memorable times i had with him"
] |
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a and purchased a milkshake with my good buddy. of the milkshake outside. by accident, i hit another car that was passing by. in response, the
|
115 | 29 | 0.94 | 115 |
so this actually happened today, about two hours ago. i'm sat at work right now, i absolutely stink and i wish i wasn't such an idiot.
i live out in the middle of the countryside, in a small farming village. my work is about an hour and a half walk away. if i'm heading in early, there's no public transport so i take a walk along the canal side which leads me right to town. this morning i was setting off at 05:30.
the first leg of the journey is across a horse field and a small hill. this bit has no lighting at all. as i get to the bottom of the hill i'm just coming out of pitch black and into where there's street lights again. the street lights at this point have been damaged for a few months now and a couple of them flicker which just adds to the creepy, since the area is absolutely steeped in local folklore. over the years a couple of old people have fell into the canal around this area, a car full of teenagers came off the road there and into the canal. to top it off, there's a railway bridge over the canal where, legend has it, a young boy was hit by a train in the 50s/60s and lost his legs. he bled out on the bridge, trying to drag himself home. there's a shit ton of ghost stories that are circulated in the local newsletter every october and and it's creepy to walk through anyway.
as i'm coming off the hill and onto the road i hear these weird noises like children. i'm looking around wondering where the noise is coming from, i'm hard of hearing (have a hearing aid but don't often have it on, other than for meetings) so i'm not really sure what i'm hearing to be honest... when this god aweful crying, like a baby crying but really "off" starts coming from the canal.
i'm still in the road by this point, i haven't crossed over so i'm pretty freaked out. it's cold so mist is just rolling off the water and creeping across the road, the lights are flickering and this almost-but-not-quite-human wailing is going off just through the bushes. as i'm trying to work out what the hell this noise is and what i should do, it erupts into screams. high pitched like a toddler in agony...
at this point i figure it has to be a kid who's hurt themselves and if i don't man the fuck up and help i won't ever forgive myself. i run across the road, push through the bushes and get onto the canal... nothing. the noise stops, i stop and look around. there's nothing there at all, just the rolling mist and flickering lights.
i walk around a bit to have a good look, heart in my throat. silence, nothing there... i figure it must be something else that i've misheard. as i start heading back to the road, thouroughly freaked out by the whole thing, i see two great yellow eyes stairing back at me from the bushes. this weird noise just erupts, this time completely inhuman. the bush goes fucking crazy, i scream every swearword i can think of and fall backwards nearly landing in the canal...
two little foxes go darting out of the bush. fuck those things. nearly gave me a heart attack and/or drown me in the canal.
i may not of landed in the canal, but i've landed in something. i'm sat at work and there's a strong stink coming off me which i just can't wash off. can't wait to get home so i can just feel clean again and i'm absolutely dreading my 10am meeting...
p.s. i had heard that fox noises can sound like screaming and stuff, but despite living in an area where you come across foxes on a regular basis, this is the first time i've heard them. they're creepy bloody noises and i hope to not hear them again.
|
mistook fox noises for a child screaming and crying, thouroughly freaked myself out and in my panic i landed in something so now i'm sat at work stinking of strange piss.
|
following the sounds of a crying child
|
[
"so this actually happened today, about two hours",
"ago. i'm sat at work right now, i absolutely",
"stink and i wish i wasn't such an idiot.",
"i live out in the middle of the countryside, in a",
"small farming village. my work is about an hour",
"and a half walk away. if i'm heading in early,",
"there's no public transport so i take a walk",
"along the canal side which leads me right to",
"town. this morning i was setting off at 05:30.",
"the first leg of the journey is across a horse",
"field and a small hill. this bit has no lighting",
"at all. as i get to the bottom of the hill i'm",
"just coming out of pitch black and into where",
"there's street lights again. the street lights at",
"this point have been damaged for a few months now",
"and a couple of them flicker which just adds to",
"the creepy, since the area is absolutely steeped",
"in local folklore. over the years a couple of old",
"people have fell into the canal around this area,",
"a car full of teenagers came off the road there",
"and into the canal. to top it off, there's a",
"railway bridge over the canal where, legend has",
"it, a young boy was hit by a train in the 50s/60s",
"and lost his legs. he bled out on the bridge,",
"trying to drag himself home. there's a shit ton",
"of ghost stories that are circulated in the local",
"newsletter every october and and it's creepy to",
"walk through anyway.",
"as i'm coming off the hill and onto the road i",
"hear these weird noises like children. i'm",
"looking around wondering where the noise is",
"coming from, i'm hard of hearing (have a hearing",
"aid but don't often have it on, other than for",
"meetings) so i'm not really sure what i'm hearing",
"to be honest... when this god aweful crying, like",
"a baby crying but really \"off\" starts coming from",
"the canal.",
"i'm still in the road by this point, i haven't",
"crossed over so i'm pretty freaked out. it's cold",
"so mist is just rolling off the water and",
"creeping across the road, the lights are",
"flickering and this almost-but-not-quite-human",
"wailing is going off just through the bushes. as",
"i'm trying to work out what the hell this noise",
"is and what i should do, it erupts into screams.",
"high pitched like a toddler in agony...",
"at this point i figure it has to be a kid who's",
"hurt themselves and if i don't man the fuck up",
"and help i won't ever forgive myself. i run",
"across the road, push through the bushes and get",
"onto the canal... nothing. the noise stops, i",
"stop and look around. there's nothing there at",
"all, just the rolling mist and flickering lights.",
"i walk around a bit to have a good look, heart in",
"my throat. silence, nothing there... i figure it",
"must be something else that i've misheard. as i",
"start heading back to the road, thouroughly",
"freaked out by the whole thing, i see two great",
"yellow eyes stairing back at me from the bushes.",
"this weird noise just erupts, this time",
"completely inhuman. the bush goes fucking crazy,",
"i scream every swearword i can think of and fall",
"backwards nearly landing in the canal...",
"two little foxes go darting out of the bush. fuck",
"those things. nearly gave me a heart attack",
"and/or drown me in the canal.",
"i may not of landed in the canal, but i've landed",
"in something. i'm sat at work and there's a",
"strong stink coming off me which i just can't",
"wash off. can't wait to get home so i can just",
"feel clean again and i'm absolutely dreading my",
"10am meeting...",
"p.s. i had heard that fox noises can sound like",
"screaming and stuff, but despite living in an",
"area where you come across foxes on a regular",
"basis, this is the first time i've heard them.",
"they're creepy bloody noises and i hope to not",
"hear them again."
] |
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crossed over so i'm pretty freaked out. it's cold i may not of landed in the canal, but i've landed in something. i'm sat at work and there's a screaming and stuff, but despite living in an
|
23 | 17 | 0.86 | 23 |
whelp, i have been a lurker for months but i have finally had a fuck up that is worthy of posting. this fuck-up actually happened about an hour ago, but like all good tifu's, it is the accumulation of multiple fu's.
in june immediately after i finished my freshman year, i visited an older sister who was still in school (i am also in college), and i had had a significant hiatus in drinking because i was in season for track. that weekend was also the weekend of my sister's sorority "formal" where everyone gets dressed up and usually gets a party bus all that jazz. now i should mention that the only suit that i own is one passed down from my father as a gift when i graduated high school, an upper end ralph lauren suit, over $1,000 when including the shoes. it also has sentimental value bc my dad is a doctor and wore it years and years to many medical conferences and the like, and bought it for himself once he graduated from residency. giving that suit to me was a big deal bc it was the most thoughtful and by far the most expensive gift i have ever received, and also because i dreamed of using that suit for my medical school interviews. so i suppose the first mistake would be wearing my prize possession to a night out of shannaigans.
so back to the party: all is well, but i am a tad more drunk than i intend to be, and as the night progresses, i over estimate how much my body can handle. by the end of the night we have to head back to campus, i am in real rough shape. i puke out the window of the car we were in, but unfortunately the flak takes my suit down as well as a few unsuspecting bystanders. wake up the next morning hungover and slightly pissed that i have to get my suit dry cleaned-- but all is well because i had a fun night and it was my fault.
i am in an unknown city so i just go to the nearest hole in the wall dry cleaner. i suppose this is my second mistake by not checking reviews on the place because if i had i would have seen that they had less than 2 stars (for what that's worth). i have a plane flight the next morning so i grab it on my way to the airport and it has my tag on it and the right tie and the same color, ect. but i don't bother checking to make sure it was my actual suit. probably my biggest fu. throw it in my suit carrier that is within my suitcase and forget about it for 3 months (until today).
open the suit bag about an hour ago, and it looks a bit....off. so i put on the coat and it feels...for the lack of a better term...like a cheap suit. check the inside of the coat, and it does not have the usual branding that i was used to, but instead it said "merona." quick google search tells me that this is not in fact my suit, but a 30 dollar coat from target. (something like this: https://www.target.com/c/suits-men-s-clothing/merona/-/n-5xu20z4ynan). uh oh. stomach drops to the floor.
after i finished my panic attack i plan on calling the store in the am, but as of right now it looks pretty bleak guys.
and as someone who is a chronic skeptic, i will also include a pic of the suit, because that is the only form of "evidence" i have to show that this actually happened. https://imgur.com/a/jdxmc
|
took too many shots of cheap alcohol, puked over myself and traded down the nicest thing i own to something i can buy for 19.99 at your nearest target.
|
not paying attention and swapping a $1,000 suit for a target knock off.
|
[
"whelp, i have been a lurker for months but i have",
"finally had a fuck up that is worthy of posting.",
"this fuck-up actually happened about an hour ago,",
"but like all good tifu's, it is the accumulation",
"of multiple fu's.",
"in june immediately after i finished my freshman",
"year, i visited an older sister who was still in",
"school (i am also in college), and i had had a",
"significant hiatus in drinking because i was in",
"season for track. that weekend was also the",
"weekend of my sister's sorority \"formal\" where",
"everyone gets dressed up and usually gets a party",
"bus all that jazz. now i should mention that the",
"only suit that i own is one passed down from my",
"father as a gift when i graduated high school, an",
"upper end ralph lauren suit, over $1,000 when",
"including the shoes. it also has sentimental",
"value bc my dad is a doctor and wore it years and",
"years to many medical conferences and the like,",
"and bought it for himself once he graduated from",
"residency. giving that suit to me was a big deal",
"bc it was the most thoughtful and by far the most",
"expensive gift i have ever received, and also",
"because i dreamed of using that suit for my",
"medical school interviews. so i suppose the",
"first mistake would be wearing my prize",
"possession to a night out of shannaigans.",
"so back to the party: all is well, but i am a tad",
"more drunk than i intend to be, and as the night",
"progresses, i over estimate how much my body can",
"handle. by the end of the night we have to head",
"back to campus, i am in real rough shape. i puke",
"out the window of the car we were in, but",
"unfortunately the flak takes my suit down as well",
"as a few unsuspecting bystanders. wake up the",
"next morning hungover and slightly pissed that i",
"have to get my suit dry cleaned-- but all is well",
"because i had a fun night and it was my fault.",
"i am in an unknown city so i just go to the",
"nearest hole in the wall dry cleaner. i suppose",
"this is my second mistake by not checking reviews",
"on the place because if i had i would have seen",
"that they had less than 2 stars (for what that's",
"worth). i have a plane flight the next morning",
"so i grab it on my way to the airport and it has",
"my tag on it and the right tie and the same",
"color, ect. but i don't bother checking to make",
"sure it was my actual suit. probably my biggest",
"fu. throw it in my suit carrier that is within my",
"suitcase and forget about it for 3 months (until",
"today).",
"open the suit bag about an hour ago, and it looks",
"a bit....off. so i put on the coat and it",
"feels...for the lack of a better term...like a",
"cheap suit. check the inside of the coat, and it",
"does not have the usual branding that i was used",
"to, but instead it said \"merona.\" quick google",
"search tells me that this is not in fact my suit,",
"but a 30 dollar coat from target. (something like",
"this:",
"https://www.target.com/c/suits-men-s-clothing/mer",
"ona/-/n-5xu20z4ynan).",
"uh oh. stomach drops to the floor.",
"after i finished my panic attack i plan on",
"calling the store in the am, but as of right now",
"it looks pretty bleak guys.",
"and as someone who is a chronic skeptic, i will",
"also include a pic of the suit, because that is",
"the only form of \"evidence\" i have to show that",
"this actually happened. https://imgur.com/a/jdxmc"
] |
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only suit that i own is one passed down from my years to many medical conferences and the like, because i dreamed of using that suit for my progresses, i over estimate how much my body can
|
7 | 0 | 0.77 | 7 |
as is tradition of this sub, this did not happen today, but last month.
my parents had to head out to the shops to grab some groceries, as you do, and told the kids we were allowed to watch some movies while they were gone. they said they would be gone a few hours, so the kids got super hyped about being left alone; in a family of six kids, that doesn't happen often. i'm about to head into the living room to sit my ass down on the couch in front of the tv when my parents call me out into the hall. it turns out that in the depths of the fridge is a large packet of mince meat sitting there that was going to go off the next day, so i had to brown it for dinner that night. so, while the little kids sat down in the living room to rewatch "now you see me" for the 22nd time, i'm heading out the back to start up the portable gas stove to heat the pan.
this is were the fu occurred. i'm pretty sure you guys have all seen the videos of people who have decided to dump flammable liquids onto a naked flame, and watched it just ignite every last particle of god-knows-what that was thrown in. i've heard of people doing it, but i've never actually seen the result of it first-hand. the stove hasn't been on for long, so it's not insanely hot, so shit-for-brains here decides that the time was right to blow stuff up. while the stove cools down, i hurry over to the laundry and grab a little spray bottle filled with methylated spirits which my parents use on their feet for some reason (if you know why, it would would be interesting to find out). anyway, i turn the stove onto low and spray a little bit of it in the fire. it really didn't do much: it just made the fire a little bit orange. at this point, i'm thinking, "ok, that's not too bad". i turn it up to high and spray a generous amount directly at the flames, with similarly pathetic results. so, i take the whole lid off the bottle and throw a little bit in. now, we had a decent burst of fire from that, but some of the methylated spirits spilt down the side of the stove and onto the floor. quick as a flash, i scoop some dirt onto the worst of the fire and stomp the rest out. the rest that was on the side went out by itself, and i thought i was pretty lucky not to cause a blaze in the middle of the suburb, so i quit after that. a few minutes go by when, as i'm about to start cooking the mince meat, smoke starts wafting through the doors underneath the stove top. i turn off the gas, thinking it might just be something from the plants around that's fallen through and set alight, but the smoke was getting worse. i get a towel and open up the door to find my little brothers t shirt, soaked in metho, on fire, and resting on the grass underneath the appliance. i'm freaking out at this point, because this fire has spread a few meters back towards the fence, but i haven't noticed it come my way because i'm standing on the concrete patio, and it's gone everywhere but my directions. it's a decent area as well: maybe around 2mx4 and a bit m. i go over to this dirt mound by the wall (we were digging holes for plants the previous day) and start filling this bucket with dirt and just chucking it at the fire. i don't think that's how you're supposed to do it, but it was working just fine. i just lathered the area with dirt and turned off the gas, and left it alone. good news: my parents didn't find out about the grass. bad news: they did find the t shirt, and it was my brothers favorite. i said it was touching the fire from behind the grease tray, and although they weren't happy, i didn't get in trouble. oh, and the meat went off.
|
instead of getting dinner ready, i decided to try pyrotechnics in the backyard and set the backyard alight.
|
setting fire to my backyard
|
[
"as is tradition of this sub, this did not happen",
"today, but last month.",
"my parents had to head out to the shops to grab",
"some groceries, as you do, and told the kids we",
"were allowed to watch some movies while they were",
"gone. they said they would be gone a few hours,",
"so the kids got super hyped about being left",
"alone; in a family of six kids, that doesn't",
"happen often. i'm about to head into the living",
"room to sit my ass down on the couch in front of",
"the tv when my parents call me out into the hall.",
"it turns out that in the depths of the fridge is",
"a large packet of mince meat sitting there that",
"was going to go off the next day, so i had to",
"brown it for dinner that night. so, while the",
"little kids sat down in the living room to",
"rewatch \"now you see me\" for the 22nd time, i'm",
"heading out the back to start up the portable gas",
"stove to heat the pan.",
"this is were the fu occurred. i'm pretty sure you",
"guys have all seen the videos of people who have",
"decided to dump flammable liquids onto a naked",
"flame, and watched it just ignite every last",
"particle of god-knows-what that was thrown in.",
"i've heard of people doing it, but i've never",
"actually seen the result of it first-hand. the",
"stove hasn't been on for long, so it's not",
"insanely hot, so shit-for-brains here decides",
"that the time was right to blow stuff up. while",
"the stove cools down, i hurry over to the laundry",
"and grab a little spray bottle filled with",
"methylated spirits which my parents use on their",
"feet for some reason (if you know why, it would",
"would be interesting to find out). anyway, i turn",
"the stove onto low and spray a little bit of it",
"in the fire. it really didn't do much: it just",
"made the fire a little bit orange. at this point,",
"i'm thinking, \"ok, that's not too bad\". i turn it",
"up to high and spray a generous amount directly",
"at the flames, with similarly pathetic results.",
"so, i take the whole lid off the bottle and throw",
"a little bit in. now, we had a decent burst of",
"fire from that, but some of the methylated",
"spirits spilt down the side of the stove and onto",
"the floor. quick as a flash, i scoop some dirt",
"onto the worst of the fire and stomp the rest",
"out. the rest that was on the side went out by",
"itself, and i thought i was pretty lucky not to",
"cause a blaze in the middle of the suburb, so i",
"quit after that. a few minutes go by when, as i'm",
"about to start cooking the mince meat, smoke",
"starts wafting through the doors underneath the",
"stove top. i turn off the gas, thinking it might",
"just be something from the plants around that's",
"fallen through and set alight, but the smoke was",
"getting worse. i get a towel and open up the door",
"to find my little brothers t shirt, soaked in",
"metho, on fire, and resting on the grass",
"underneath the appliance. i'm freaking out at",
"this point, because this fire has spread a few",
"meters back towards the fence, but i haven't",
"noticed it come my way because i'm standing on",
"the concrete patio, and it's gone everywhere but",
"my directions. it's a decent area as well: maybe",
"around 2mx4 and a bit m. i go over to this dirt",
"mound by the wall (we were digging holes for",
"plants the previous day) and start filling this",
"bucket with dirt and just chucking it at the",
"fire. i don't think that's how you're supposed to",
"do it, but it was working just fine. i just",
"lathered the area with dirt and turned off the",
"gas, and left it alone. good news: my parents",
"didn't find out about the grass. bad news: they",
"did find the t shirt, and it was my brothers",
"favorite. i said it was touching the fire from",
"behind the grease tray, and although they weren't",
"happy, i didn't get in trouble. oh, and the meat",
"went off."
] |
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decided to dump flammable liquids onto a naked cause a blaze in the middle of the suburb, so i fallen through and set alight, but the smoke was
|
19 | 5 | 0.88 | 19 |
so i was talking to my friend over the phone, while stabbing a tree at the same time, with a knife i'd just gotten from some small shop in va.
i wasn't paying good enough attention, when i felt a small drop of warm blood run down my wrist and knife handle. i'd cut my middle finger, at the second knuckle. (middle knuckle.)
i looked down, with a sort of "oh. uh, that's fine no big deal." until i moved my hand and it started bleeding pretty bad. i ran home, and ended up going to the hospital.
i ended up getting it glued shut at first, before needing around 10-12 stitches later when the glue failed twice. (apparently they're not auqaphobic in the least.)
i now have a decent scar on my right middle finger's knuckle.
edit1: here's the link of the splint i had my hand in: https://imgur.com/9hphumt
|
stabbed a tree, knife slipped, cut myself, and required stitches.
|
stabbing a tree and cutting my hand
|
[
"so i was talking to my friend over the phone,",
"while stabbing a tree at the same time, with a",
"knife i'd just gotten from some small shop in va.",
"i wasn't paying good enough attention, when i",
"felt a small drop of warm blood run down my wrist",
"and knife handle. i'd cut my middle finger, at",
"the second knuckle. (middle knuckle.)",
"i looked down, with a sort of \"oh. uh, that's",
"fine no big deal.\" until i moved my hand and it",
"started bleeding pretty bad. i ran home, and",
"ended up going to the hospital.",
"i ended up getting it glued shut at first, before",
"needing around 10-12 stitches later when the glue",
"failed twice. (apparently they're not auqaphobic",
"in the least.)",
"i now have a decent scar on my right middle",
"finger's knuckle.",
"edit1: here's the link of the splint i had my",
"hand in: https://imgur.com/9hphumt"
] |
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while stabbing a tree at the same time, with a and knife handle. i'd cut my middle finger, at
|
12 | 9 | 0.86 | 12 |
story is pretty short.
sold a an old 50" plasma tv on facebook. lady and her mom showed up to pick it up, gave us the $200 we were asking for it ( 2 - $100 bills)
fast forward a week later i got to deposit them in my bank account with the auto-teller. first one goes fine. second won't. try again. nope. bank employee comes over to ask to see the bill. 20 minutes later i'm being told they have to send it to their fraud department because it is apparently a bleached $1 bill then had $100 printed on it. i get to fill out a police report and whatever else happens when counterfeit money is involved.
just for details sake the bad $100 was a "1985" bill so i wasn't looking for any security shit on it. the other $100 was brand new with all the fancy anti-counterfeit stuff.
|
got paid with counterfeit $100 bill. not happy and out $100 that was going to go towards rent.
|
selling an old tv on facebook
|
[
"story is pretty short.",
"sold a an old 50\" plasma tv on facebook. lady and",
"her mom showed up to pick it up, gave us the $200",
"we were asking for it ( 2 - $100 bills)",
"fast forward a week later i got to deposit them",
"in my bank account with the auto-teller. first",
"one goes fine. second won't. try again. nope.",
"bank employee comes over to ask to see the bill.",
"20 minutes later i'm being told they have to send",
"it to their fraud department because it is",
"apparently a bleached $1 bill then had $100",
"printed on it. i get to fill out a police report",
"and whatever else happens when counterfeit money",
"is involved.",
"just for details sake the bad $100 was a \"1985\"",
"bill so i wasn't looking for any security shit on",
"it. the other $100 was brand new with all the",
"fancy anti-counterfeit stuff."
] |
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] |
and whatever else happens when counterfeit money it. the other $100 was brand new with all the
|
1,173 | 147 | 0.96 | 1,173 |
oh boy. am i embarrassed about this one. obligatory, this did not happen today but actually about 4 weeks ago.
to start off, i don't like spiders. frankly, i hate them which is kind of what led to this shit show of nightmares. it started off by me finding a huge spider in my room. great. i didn't wanna touch it and was scared to get rid of it. so i took one of [these] (https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/i/31ta0t2mxil._sx355_.jpg) things and swept it off my ceiling. the little bastard climbed right on and i stuck it in a jar i had recently emptied of my spare change. one of [these] (https://i.pinimg.com/736x/d9/43/43/d943434779066f9228ee18e1ba117fca--antique-bottles-vintage-bottles.jpg) with a cork lid.
ok. so far so good. i debated with myself of how to get the spider outside without it climbing on the outside of the bottle and onto me at which point i would flip my shit. it was late at night and i thought i'd better do it tomorrow.
next night, come home from work another spider on my ceiling. ok... so i dust his ass off the ceiling and sweep him into a jar. now at this point i'm thinking, hmmm spider fight night.
cruel? maybe. but fuck these spiders and their nightmare inducing little bodies. so i decide to leave the fuckers in the bottle overnight.
next, day. another one. why. where are they coming from‽ at this point i'm suspicious. the house is newly built due to a house fire destroying my home 2 years ago so we hadn't had many bug issues like we used to. i'm thinking maybe a nest hatched somewhere? but these spiders are huge. so now i'm thinking....how many can i collect? i don't know why i thought this. i don't know why i went through with it but i did. i hid it in my room for about 1 month where i just kept collecting spiders and adding it to the jar. i didn't tell or show anyone because of my shame. all in all, i had 27 spiders. not a lot or anything but enough...
when i had finally come to my senses and really looked in the bottle there were webs everywhere on the inside of the jar. the spiders were eating each other and there were spider cannibals taking over as leaders.
fuck that. this has gone too far to come back. i'm not releasing this nightmare carnival anywhere near my home and decided to just throw the whole thing out.
today is trash day. i take a trash bag, take the jar outside and drop it into the bag on my front porch.
kshhhhhhh!!!!
my stupid ass just literally dropped this glass jar into the bag forgetting it's resting on my porch made of concrete. the panic sets in. i rush to close the bag and tie it shut so i can run it up to the curb for trash pickup. it's their problem now suckers!!
nope. still my problem. the glass ripped through the bag. as soon as i lifted the bag, it was like a hole opened up into the earth and i got a glimpse of hell.
spiders. spiders everywhere. climbing up the bag. climbing up my legs. scattering throughout my porch. more spiders than i thought i'd had. small spiders. big spiders. brown spiders. fucking spiders. i screamed. i cried. i ran away to the street, running up the stairs from my walkway to the street, missed a step, and i heard a pop. i had sprained my ankle.
now i'm immobile, injured, crying in pain, there are spiders in my hair and all over my body. i'm laying in the pebbles and dirt of the front walkway of my parents house. it just wasn't my day. i couldn't stop crying. next thing i know my parents find me outside screaming, my neighbors come out and offer to help me get up. i'm trying to scream spiders at them incoherently between tears and shrieks of terror.
so cue my father and the next door neighbor's husband wiping spiders off me, stomping them, and trying to figure out what the fuck happened. my dad carries me inside, i'm in so much pain and my ankle is on fire but i have to change or something. forever unclean. my mom washes my hair in the kitchen sink. spiders. my saint of a mother pushes through drowning the little bastards. i change as much as i can, burn my clothes, and we head to the er at 12 am. basically i partially tore the ligaments in my ankle. just slightly. they give me crutches, an air cast, 800mg of ibuprofen and i'm on my way.
basically, i told them i was taking the trash out, a bag broke and inside was a whole mess of spiders. which is kinda true...
fast forward to a couple days later. i'm having nightmares. i keep hearing the spiders scratching inside my walls. i wake up and still hear the scratching. i listen close to my walls but it sounds the same. my right ear is so stuffy i can't hear anything. i touch it and it burns.
my heart sinks so low into my stomach i start crying.
the scratching was coming from inside my head.
yup.
if you guessed, spiders, you're correct!
my parents take me to the emergency room at 1 am again.
spider in my ear. made a little home in there all curled up nice and warm. doc ripped him out and asked me if i wanted to keep it. no doc. i'm done collecting spiders. maybe in my past life i would have but not today.
edit: formatting
edit: forgot to mention i stabbed a hole in the cork top and stuffed it with aquarium foam so that air could get in but spiders could not. i...uhh...was really committed, i guess you could say ಠ_ಠ
|
collected spiders, kept a spider cannibal civilization in a jar, they weren't down with the cause. fuck spiders.
|
collecting spiders
|
[
"oh boy. am i embarrassed about this one.",
"obligatory, this did not happen today but",
"actually about 4 weeks ago.",
"to start off, i don't like spiders. frankly, i",
"hate them which is kind of what led to this shit",
"show of nightmares. it started off by me finding",
"a huge spider in my room. great. i didn't wanna",
"touch it and was scared to get rid of it. so i",
"took one of [these]",
"(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/i",
"/31ta0t2mxil._sx355_.jpg)",
"things and swept it off my ceiling. the little",
"bastard climbed right on and i stuck it in a jar",
"i had recently emptied of my spare change. one of",
"[these]",
"(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/d9/43/43/d943434779066",
"f9228ee18e1ba117fca--antique-bottles-vintage-bottl",
"es.jpg)",
"with a cork lid.",
"ok. so far so good. i debated with myself of how",
"to get the spider outside without it climbing on",
"the outside of the bottle and onto me at which",
"point i would flip my shit. it was late at night",
"and i thought i'd better do it tomorrow.",
"next night, come home from work another spider on",
"my ceiling. ok... so i dust his ass off the",
"ceiling and sweep him into a jar. now at this",
"point i'm thinking, hmmm spider fight night.",
"cruel? maybe. but fuck these spiders and their",
"nightmare inducing little bodies. so i decide to",
"leave the fuckers in the bottle overnight.",
"next, day. another one. why. where are they",
"coming from‽ at this point i'm suspicious. the",
"house is newly built due to a house fire",
"destroying my home 2 years ago so we hadn't had",
"many bug issues like we used to. i'm thinking",
"maybe a nest hatched somewhere? but these spiders",
"are huge. so now i'm thinking....how many can i",
"collect? i don't know why i thought this. i don't",
"know why i went through with it but i did. i hid",
"it in my room for about 1 month where i just kept",
"collecting spiders and adding it to the jar. i",
"didn't tell or show anyone because of my shame.",
"all in all, i had 27 spiders. not a lot or",
"anything but enough...",
"when i had finally come to my senses and really",
"looked in the bottle there were webs everywhere",
"on the inside of the jar. the spiders were eating",
"each other and there were spider cannibals taking",
"over as leaders.",
"fuck that. this has gone too far to come back.",
"i'm not releasing this nightmare carnival",
"anywhere near my home and decided to just throw",
"the whole thing out.",
"today is trash day. i take a trash bag, take the",
"jar outside and drop it into the bag on my front",
"porch.",
"kshhhhhhh!!!!",
"my stupid ass just literally dropped this glass",
"jar into the bag forgetting it's resting on my",
"porch made of concrete. the panic sets in. i rush",
"to close the bag and tie it shut so i can run it",
"up to the curb for trash pickup. it's their",
"problem now suckers!!",
"nope. still my problem. the glass ripped through",
"the bag. as soon as i lifted the bag, it was like",
"a hole opened up into the earth and i got a",
"glimpse of hell.",
"spiders. spiders everywhere. climbing up the bag.",
"climbing up my legs. scattering throughout my",
"porch. more spiders than i thought i'd had. small",
"spiders. big spiders. brown spiders. fucking",
"spiders. i screamed. i cried. i ran away to the",
"street, running up the stairs from my walkway to",
"the street, missed a step, and i heard a pop. i",
"had sprained my ankle.",
"now i'm immobile, injured, crying in pain, there",
"are spiders in my hair and all over my body. i'm",
"laying in the pebbles and dirt of the front",
"walkway of my parents house. it just wasn't my",
"day. i couldn't stop crying. next thing i know my",
"parents find me outside screaming, my neighbors",
"come out and offer to help me get up. i'm trying",
"to scream spiders at them incoherently between",
"tears and shrieks of terror.",
"so cue my father and the next door neighbor's",
"husband wiping spiders off me, stomping them, and",
"trying to figure out what the fuck happened. my",
"dad carries me inside, i'm in so much pain and my",
"ankle is on fire but i have to change or",
"something. forever unclean. my mom washes my hair",
"in the kitchen sink. spiders. my saint of a",
"mother pushes through drowning the little",
"bastards. i change as much as i can, burn my",
"clothes, and we head to the er at 12 am.",
"basically i partially tore the ligaments in my",
"ankle. just slightly. they give me crutches, an",
"air cast, 800mg of ibuprofen and i'm on my way.",
"basically, i told them i was taking the trash",
"out, a bag broke and inside was a whole mess of",
"spiders. which is kinda true...",
"fast forward to a couple days later. i'm having",
"nightmares. i keep hearing the spiders scratching",
"inside my walls. i wake up and still hear the",
"scratching. i listen close to my walls but it",
"sounds the same. my right ear is so stuffy i",
"can't hear anything. i touch it and it burns.",
"my heart sinks so low into my stomach i start",
"crying.",
"the scratching was coming from inside my head.",
"yup.",
"if you guessed, spiders, you're correct!",
"my parents take me to the emergency room at 1 am",
"again.",
"spider in my ear. made a little home in there all",
"curled up nice and warm. doc ripped him out and",
"asked me if i wanted to keep it. no doc. i'm done",
"collecting spiders. maybe in my past life i would",
"have but not today.",
"edit: formatting",
"edit: forgot to mention i stabbed a hole in the",
"cork top and stuffed it with aquarium foam so",
"that air could get in but spiders could not.",
"i...uhh...was really committed, i guess you could",
"say ಠ_ಠ"
] |
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bastard climbed right on and i stuck it in a jar with a cork lid. collecting spiders and adding it to the jar. i
|
7 | 13 | 0.8 | 7 |
so, first off, this happened today and hasn’t exactly concluded, but anyways i’ll start the story. i had to house watch/take care of their two pets, a cat, and a dog. luckily my school is within walking distance, so my mother left to drop my sister and go to work, and i was left to go to school. but when i went to lock the the door i couldn’t get it to lock, so i reached inside and locked it and closed the door. i then went on my merry way. but when i came back and to my dismay the door wouldn’t open. so i called my friends mom to ask how to get the door open. she told me there was a latter in the back yard (they were using it to paint) that was conveniently by the 2nd story window. so i climbed up that, suppressing my newfound fear of heights and squirmed through the window. but the latter was made of fiberglass and made my arms really itchy. i then walked down the stairs, leaving the door to the 2nd story open, to grab my things. instead of taking a shower i decided to walk the dog and get that over with.
as i came back, i checked my phone and realized my friends mom had texted me, a half an hour later, to not forget to close the second story door so i wouldn’t let their cat, kit kat, out. i immediately knew i didn’t close the door. (i’m saying the door instead of the window because, it’s one room, upstairs, and they keep the windows open) i then rushed around the house after closing the door looking for her. while i was hurriedly searching in my friend’s room i looked out his window, which overlooked(or underlooked?) their miniature back yard to see kit kat sitting patiently by their door on their also miniature patio. i excitedly opened the door hoping she’d come in. but nope she immediately hopped into the railing causing the neighbor’s cat, who i didn’t notice, to his from his perch of the fence surrounding the yard. and in turn causing kit kat to scamper away into a tiny bit of land connected to a weird space between other houses ( here’s [a bit of visualization ](https://imgur.com/a/tzvkp)) . i immediately bolted out to the front door only to find she’s going up to a neighbor’s door. but when i tried to get her she’s ran, into another neighbor’s backyard, who luckily had a tiny fence that could only stop a tiny dog. again when i tried to get her she only ran, but this time she disappeared down to somewhere else, concluding my story for now. i’ll be sure to update you if there is one.
also, while typing this i heard a loud clunk in the back yard, followed by loud meowing. i come out, only to see the one and only, kit kat looking smug, giving out a tiny meow, before leaving. i’m not exactly sure what happened but my best guess is she pushed another cat off the fence.
and if you have any suggestions please tell me.
|
i lost my friend's cat by leaving a door open after locking a door weirdly
|
loosing my best friend's cat
|
[
"so, first off, this happened today and hasn’t",
"exactly concluded, but anyways i’ll start the",
"story. i had to house watch/take care of their",
"two pets, a cat, and a dog. luckily my school is",
"within walking distance, so my mother left to",
"drop my sister and go to work, and i was left to",
"go to school. but when i went to lock the the",
"door i couldn’t get it to lock, so i reached",
"inside and locked it and closed the door. i then",
"went on my merry way. but when i came back and to",
"my dismay the door wouldn’t open. so i called my",
"friends mom to ask how to get the door open. she",
"told me there was a latter in the back yard (they",
"were using it to paint) that was conveniently by",
"the 2nd story window. so i climbed up that,",
"suppressing my newfound fear of heights and",
"squirmed through the window. but the latter was",
"made of fiberglass and made my arms really itchy.",
"i then walked down the stairs, leaving the door",
"to the 2nd story open, to grab my things. instead",
"of taking a shower i decided to walk the dog and",
"get that over with.",
"as i came back, i checked my phone and realized",
"my friends mom had texted me, a half an hour",
"later, to not forget to close the second story",
"door so i wouldn’t let their cat, kit kat, out. i",
"immediately knew i didn’t close the door. (i’m",
"saying the door instead of the window because,",
"it’s one room, upstairs, and they keep the",
"windows open) i then rushed around the house",
"after closing the door looking for her. while i",
"was hurriedly searching in my friend’s room i",
"looked out his window, which overlooked(or",
"underlooked?) their miniature back yard to see",
"kit kat sitting patiently by their door on their",
"also miniature patio. i excitedly opened the door",
"hoping she’d come in. but nope she immediately",
"hopped into the railing causing the neighbor’s",
"cat, who i didn’t notice, to his from his perch",
"of the fence surrounding the yard. and in turn",
"causing kit kat to scamper away into a tiny bit",
"of land connected to a weird space between other",
"houses ( here’s [a bit of visualization",
"](https://imgur.com/a/tzvkp)) . i immediately",
"bolted out to the front door only to find she’s",
"going up to a neighbor’s door. but when i tried",
"to get her she’s ran, into another neighbor’s",
"backyard, who luckily had a tiny fence that could",
"only stop a tiny dog. again when i tried to get",
"her she only ran, but this time she disappeared",
"down to somewhere else, concluding my story for",
"now. i’ll be sure to update you if there is one.",
"also, while typing this i heard a loud clunk in",
"the back yard, followed by loud meowing. i come",
"out, only to see the one and only, kit kat",
"looking smug, giving out a tiny meow, before",
"leaving. i’m not exactly sure what happened but",
"my best guess is she pushed another cat off the",
"fence.",
"and if you have any suggestions please tell me."
] |
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friends mom to ask how to get the door open. she was hurriedly searching in my friend’s room i
|
486 | 54 | 0.94 | 486 |
so this happened probably 7 years ago but still resides as an untold secret, until today i suppose.
my dad's girlfriend had just recently moved in with us not three months before this happened. with her came her three birds, super pretty very smart very loud, exotic birds. for those of you who don't know, sometimes birds can be very territorial so i was only "friends" with one of them- kiwi. aptly named because that's exactly what he looked like (green).
so kiwi and i have a pretty good relationship for a human and a bird, he'd pretty much just hang out with me most of the time i spent at home, usually falling asleep in my lap. anyways, one day i got a call from my best friend who needed to borrow something (can't remember what it was for the life of me) for her after school activity. school was only 5 minutes away, no big deal. as i was preparing to leave though, i remembered that dad's gf took kiwi on rides with her all the time, whats the harm if i do it? so my animal loving self, who now knows that the bird could be having such a better time on this car ride rather than in his cage (even though he probably could give two shits) decides to give it a go.
step 1: making it to the car. check.
step 2: driving without distraction. check.
step 3: arriving to the school, notifying the friend i'm here, and delivering whatever it was i was giving her successfully without having the bird fly out of the car and almost inevitably losing it forever then having to explain to the new member of the family that i lost her $1000+ bird. ha. nope.
so the friend comes out and in the small bit i rolled down the window i guess the bird got spooked and flies out of the car. as soon as i can i jump out of the car hitting my friend with the door, also forgetting to put it in park. fu #1. car starts rolling away and i run-jump into the drivers seat, inaccurately judging the space and bash my head into the door frame pretty f-ing hard. very. hard. now that the car is stopped and parked i get ahold of myself and of course notice there's blood running down the side of my face. great. i wipe it off as fast and best i could but still bleeding...and i still have to try to find this bird.
i ran around the school parking lot for probably 10 minutes screaming the bird's name, hearing it reply, and trying to pinpoint what part of the school he's on top of (i knew he was somewhere on the roof at this point). kiwi's wings are trimmed so he has flying feathers, but can't fly for long distances because they're not fully grown. this means he can get up, but probably not down.
at this point i got a teacher leaving work to let me in and i immediately go to the janitors, bleeding and sweaty and try to get them to let me onto the roof. they didn't speak much english, and i only spoke some spanish so now i'm bleeding, sweaty, panicking and trying to explain in a language i hardly speak what's going on. i'm pretty sure the lady thought i was getting beat up or threatened and i'm almost positive i scared the living daylights out of her as she begins praying for me. not the help i needed, sorry. so i run, yes actually run, to the other side of the school and burst into the police office, still bloody. still sweaty. panicking even more.
"officer, this will undoubtedly be the weirdest thing you've heard today but hear me out...."
the look on this poor guy's face was the definition of "i didn't sign up for this shit".
anyways, he let me up onto the roof to get kiwi, which we're still calling and getting responses from, but demanded (politely of course) that he be the one to go up there and get the bird. fu #2. i'm watching from the ladder probably 10 feet away. officer snuck up slowly, trying to not scare kiwi away, and as soon as he's about to grab him the bird flies up into his face, spooking the officer and causing him to fall back. officer screams and tried to refrain from yelling curse words in front of me (like a good adult. i was around 17 at the time). he gets up with a some issues, i figure out later that he had just recovered from an ankle injury and that twisting-fall did not help. now i understand this sounds almost comical, but don't doubt me when i say birds can get revenge and if they want to, they will. now the officer is up for probably 2-3 seconds and here flies around kiwi coming in for the "ninja kick claw to the face" on this poor " definitely didn't sign up for this shit" officer. and per usual, kiwi didn't forget the bird shit, that happened too.
so now that kiwi is satisfied with his bullying of this school officer he flies over to me and lands happily on my shoulder, basically saying "ok i'm done here take me home". all of this happened on the roof within probably a minute, give or take. i ask the officer if he's ok and he said he's fine just needs to get off his ankle asap. now the three of us are in the ladder tunnel (best description) getting down from the roof and the bird flips out again. i was on the ladder, the officer was at the bottom waiting, and somehow managed to grab kiwi. fu #3. kiwi bites him, and bites him again, and again. now i'm trying to get down the ladder so fast i miss a bar and almost fall. bird is still biting officer, my head is still bleeding, and both of us at this point had physically suffered enough from this bird in just 20 minutes. now i'm off the ladder, get kiwi back from the officer and hold him so he can't fly away. he's already pretty pissed so of course i'm suffering the consequences via beak. we make our way back to the car and i vow not to tell anyone what just happened.
once we got home i cleaned and bandaged myself up and kiwi acted as if noting had happened. little bastard ended up taking a nap in my lap, per usual.
the next day i came to school and the officer had bandaids all over his hands, a wrap on his ankle, and a crutch. he proceeded to flood me with questions on whether or not you can get infected from a bird bite. guy looked traumatized, but also told me he went home and had a pretty good dinner table story for his family. i sent him an edible arrangement as an "i'm sorry, thank you" and we laughed about it until i graduated.
|
took my dad's gf's exotic bird on a car ride (a normal thing to him) to drop off something to a friend at my high school. bird got spooked and flew out of the window during the exchange. i jump out, hit friend with the door, forget to put the car in park and end up run-jumping back into it while simultaneously bashing my head open on the frame and keeping an eye on the bird. now bloody & sweaty after running around the parking lot looking for bird i'm in the school trying to explain in spanish, which i barely barely speak, what happened to the janitor to get her to let me on the roof where bird was. i scared the living hell out of janitor lady and she began praying for me. went to school police office and ended up getting him to help me. officer went to roof to retrieve bird while he told me to wait back. now i'm watching him get beat up by bird causing him to fall and re-injure his ankle, get ninja-kicked by a bird claw and then shat on. later while going down the latter officer held bird and got multiple bites, and same happened to me after the hand off. next day, officer came to school with hands bandaged, ankle wrapped, and a crutch, traumatized and worrying about bird-related infections from the bites. bird gave zero shits and continued along with life.
|
"losing" my dad's new girlfriends exotic bird on top of my high school, busting my head open, and accidentally injuring a police officer.
|
[
"so this happened probably 7 years ago but still",
"resides as an untold secret, until today i",
"suppose.",
"my dad's girlfriend had just recently moved in",
"with us not three months before this happened.",
"with her came her three birds, super pretty very",
"smart very loud, exotic birds. for those of you",
"who don't know, sometimes birds can be very",
"territorial so i was only \"friends\" with one of",
"them- kiwi. aptly named because that's exactly",
"what he looked like (green).",
"so kiwi and i have a pretty good relationship for",
"a human and a bird, he'd pretty much just hang",
"out with me most of the time i spent at home,",
"usually falling asleep in my lap. anyways, one",
"day i got a call from my best friend who needed",
"to borrow something (can't remember what it was",
"for the life of me) for her after school",
"activity. school was only 5 minutes away, no big",
"deal. as i was preparing to leave though, i",
"remembered that dad's gf took kiwi on rides with",
"her all the time, whats the harm if i do it? so",
"my animal loving self, who now knows that the",
"bird could be having such a better time on this",
"car ride rather than in his cage (even though he",
"probably could give two shits) decides to give it",
"a go.",
"step 1: making it to the car. check.",
"step 2: driving without distraction. check.",
"step 3: arriving to the school, notifying the",
"friend i'm here, and delivering whatever it was i",
"was giving her successfully without having the",
"bird fly out of the car and almost inevitably",
"losing it forever then having to explain to the",
"new member of the family that i lost her $1000+",
"bird. ha. nope.",
"so the friend comes out and in the small bit i",
"rolled down the window i guess the bird got",
"spooked and flies out of the car. as soon as i",
"can i jump out of the car hitting my friend with",
"the door, also forgetting to put it in park. fu",
"#1. car starts rolling away and i run-jump into",
"the drivers seat, inaccurately judging the space",
"and bash my head into the door frame pretty f-ing",
"hard. very. hard. now that the car is stopped and",
"parked i get ahold of myself and of course notice",
"there's blood running down the side of my face.",
"great. i wipe it off as fast and best i could but",
"still bleeding...and i still have to try to find",
"this bird.",
"i ran around the school parking lot for probably",
"10 minutes screaming the bird's name, hearing it",
"reply, and trying to pinpoint what part of the",
"school he's on top of (i knew he was somewhere on",
"the roof at this point). kiwi's wings are trimmed",
"so he has flying feathers, but can't fly for long",
"distances because they're not fully grown. this",
"means he can get up, but probably not down.",
"at this point i got a teacher leaving work to let",
"me in and i immediately go to the janitors,",
"bleeding and sweaty and try to get them to let me",
"onto the roof. they didn't speak much english,",
"and i only spoke some spanish so now i'm",
"bleeding, sweaty, panicking and trying to explain",
"in a language i hardly speak what's going on. i'm",
"pretty sure the lady thought i was getting beat",
"up or threatened and i'm almost positive i scared",
"the living daylights out of her as she begins",
"praying for me. not the help i needed, sorry. so",
"i run, yes actually run, to the other side of the",
"school and burst into the police office, still",
"bloody. still sweaty. panicking even more.",
"\"officer, this will undoubtedly be the weirdest",
"thing you've heard today but hear me out....\"",
"the look on this poor guy's face was the",
"definition of \"i didn't sign up for this shit\".",
"anyways, he let me up onto the roof to get kiwi,",
"which we're still calling and getting responses",
"from, but demanded (politely of course) that he",
"be the one to go up there and get the bird. fu",
"#2. i'm watching from the ladder probably 10 feet",
"away. officer snuck up slowly, trying to not",
"scare kiwi away, and as soon as he's about to",
"grab him the bird flies up into his face,",
"spooking the officer and causing him to fall",
"back. officer screams and tried to refrain from",
"yelling curse words in front of me (like a good",
"adult. i was around 17 at the time). he gets up",
"with a some issues, i figure out later that he",
"had just recovered from an ankle injury and that",
"twisting-fall did not help. now i understand this",
"sounds almost comical, but don't doubt me when i",
"say birds can get revenge and if they want to,",
"they will. now the officer is up for probably 2-3",
"seconds and here flies around kiwi coming in for",
"the \"ninja kick claw to the face\" on this poor \"",
"definitely didn't sign up for this shit\" officer.",
"and per usual, kiwi didn't forget the bird shit,",
"that happened too.",
"so now that kiwi is satisfied with his bullying",
"of this school officer he flies over to me and",
"lands happily on my shoulder, basically saying",
"\"ok i'm done here take me home\". all of this",
"happened on the roof within probably a minute,",
"give or take. i ask the officer if he's ok and he",
"said he's fine just needs to get off his ankle",
"asap. now the three of us are in the ladder",
"tunnel (best description) getting down from the",
"roof and the bird flips out again. i was on the",
"ladder, the officer was at the bottom waiting,",
"and somehow managed to grab kiwi. fu #3. kiwi",
"bites him, and bites him again, and again. now",
"i'm trying to get down the ladder so fast i miss",
"a bar and almost fall. bird is still biting",
"officer, my head is still bleeding, and both of",
"us at this point had physically suffered enough",
"from this bird in just 20 minutes. now i'm off",
"the ladder, get kiwi back from the officer and",
"hold him so he can't fly away. he's already",
"pretty pissed so of course i'm suffering the",
"consequences via beak. we make our way back to",
"the car and i vow not to tell anyone what just",
"happened.",
"once we got home i cleaned and bandaged myself up",
"and kiwi acted as if noting had happened. little",
"bastard ended up taking a nap in my lap, per",
"usual.",
"the next day i came to school and the officer had",
"bandaids all over his hands, a wrap on his ankle,",
"and a crutch. he proceeded to flood me with",
"questions on whether or not you can get infected",
"from a bird bite. guy looked traumatized, but",
"also told me he went home and had a pretty good",
"dinner table story for his family. i sent him an",
"edible arrangement as an \"i'm sorry, thank you\"",
"and we laughed about it until i graduated."
] |
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to borrow something (can't remember what it was for the life of me) for her after school losing it forever then having to explain to the rolled down the window i guess the bird got spooked and flies out of the car. as soon as i can i jump out of the car hitting my friend with the door, also forgetting to put it in park. fu and bash my head into the door frame pretty f-ing i ran around the school parking lot for probably and i only spoke some spanish so now i'm bleeding, sweaty, panicking and trying to explain pretty sure the lady thought i was getting beat the living daylights out of her as she begins praying for me. not the help i needed, sorry. so school and burst into the police office, still anyways, he let me up onto the roof to get kiwi, #2. i'm watching from the ladder probably 10 feet spooking the officer and causing him to fall the ladder, get kiwi back from the officer and happened. the next day i came to school and the officer had bandaids all over his hands, a wrap on his ankle, and a crutch. he proceeded to flood me with also told me he went home and had a pretty good
|
13 | 11 | 0.85 | 13 |
so i'm eating breakfast at a mcdonald's and after i'm finished, i head to the restroom to wash my hands, then head out to take the soundtransit (seattle train).
suddenly, i didn't have my wallet on me. i went to check the booth i sat at to find it... and nothing. went back to the restroom... nothing. asked the staff to maybe assist me to find my missing wallet.
sitting next to my booth were 5 young black men, aged ~ 16-19. as common as it is, they dressed in hoodies and in what some people might say "gang related" clothing. i started to suspect that maybe one of them had noticed my wallet that i left behind, and snatched it. i preceded to ask them if they had seen a wallet. i described it to them, and they said no they didn't see one. i thought maybe they were playing me.
so the manager wasn't in, therefore no one could access the security cameras to see if i was being robbed or where the wallet could be located. the woman in charge recommended that i call the police to have them check the black kids if they had my wallet. so yeah at this point we began to stereotype these kids very negatively due to pas history. i just couldn't accuse them though. it would be so wrong especially if they did not do anything.
i was so bummed out at this point because i had lots of cash on me, and i was so careless to just lose it all.
then magically (for lack of a better term), my wallet was found by one of the workers!!!.....in the trash can in the restroom.
why it was there? i don't know. how i was dumb enough to discard a wallet in the trash? pretty dumb.
needless to say, i looked pathetic to everyone that was watching me. one of the black kids called me insane for throwing a wallet in the trash. afterwards, i thanked the staff for their help and just walked out of there with one of the biggest fails of my life. i have a feeling that those black kids think of me as someone who fears black people. and i can't blame them. it's their first impression of me and i acted that way.
now that i have my wallet, while writing this i am thinking heavily about what just happened. out of fear, i began to negatively stereotype these black kids, and in the end i was the one who fucked up. i don't want to ever relate myself to being a racist, but i feel some racist views in me were exposed to the open.
that's all i want to say for now. i just feel disappointed in myself for throwing a wallet in the trash and for revealing negative views on other people's ethnicities and race.
|
lost my wallet in mcdonald's....thought maybe these black kids stole it....mcd's staff suspected them too, recommended i call police...wallet was found in trash...don't know how i did that...people in restaurant were watching...black kids were being stereotyped in the open because of me...i feel shitty because i view myself as non racist, but my actions kind of say otherwise.
|
"losing" my wallet
|
[
"so i'm eating breakfast at a mcdonald's and after",
"i'm finished, i head to the restroom to wash my",
"hands, then head out to take the soundtransit",
"(seattle train).",
"suddenly, i didn't have my wallet on me. i went",
"to check the booth i sat at to find it... and",
"nothing. went back to the restroom... nothing.",
"asked the staff to maybe assist me to find my",
"missing wallet.",
"sitting next to my booth were 5 young black men,",
"aged ~ 16-19. as common as it is, they dressed in",
"hoodies and in what some people might say \"gang",
"related\" clothing. i started to suspect that",
"maybe one of them had noticed my wallet that i",
"left behind, and snatched it. i preceded to ask",
"them if they had seen a wallet. i described it to",
"them, and they said no they didn't see one. i",
"thought maybe they were playing me.",
"so the manager wasn't in, therefore no one could",
"access the security cameras to see if i was being",
"robbed or where the wallet could be located. the",
"woman in charge recommended that i call the",
"police to have them check the black kids if they",
"had my wallet. so yeah at this point we began to",
"stereotype these kids very negatively due to pas",
"history. i just couldn't accuse them though. it",
"would be so wrong especially if they did not do",
"anything.",
"i was so bummed out at this point because i had",
"lots of cash on me, and i was so careless to just",
"lose it all.",
"then magically (for lack of a better term), my",
"wallet was found by one of the workers!!!.....in",
"the trash can in the restroom.",
"why it was there? i don't know. how i was dumb",
"enough to discard a wallet in the trash? pretty",
"dumb.",
"needless to say, i looked pathetic to everyone",
"that was watching me. one of the black kids",
"called me insane for throwing a wallet in the",
"trash. afterwards, i thanked the staff for their",
"help and just walked out of there with one of the",
"biggest fails of my life. i have a feeling that",
"those black kids think of me as someone who fears",
"black people. and i can't blame them. it's their",
"first impression of me and i acted that way.",
"now that i have my wallet, while writing this i",
"am thinking heavily about what just happened. out",
"of fear, i began to negatively stereotype these",
"black kids, and in the end i was the one who",
"fucked up. i don't want to ever relate myself to",
"being a racist, but i feel some racist views in",
"me were exposed to the open.",
"that's all i want to say for now. i just feel",
"disappointed in myself for throwing a wallet in",
"the trash and for revealing negative views on",
"other people's ethnicities and race."
] |
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maybe one of them had noticed my wallet that i woman in charge recommended that i call the wallet was found by one of the workers!!!.....in why it was there? i don't know. how i was dumb black kids, and in the end i was the one who being a racist, but i feel some racist views in me were exposed to the open. disappointed in myself for throwing a wallet in
|
12 | 7 | 0.82 | 12 |
so this happened yesterday. i work at a mental health facility and im fairly new(4 months in) at the job. it was going like how every other sunday was going until one of our new clients threw a fit and started rampaging through the facility. of course, me being only one of the guys in the facility at the time(most of my coworkers are women) had to react fast to stop him from getting through the nurse' station. i have no idea what got to me but all i was thinking about was that i had to stop him from getting inside. so i got up close and told him to calm down. at this moment, i knew what was already going to happen. right after i told him to calm down, he rushed at me and started throwing punches. at this point all i could remember was trying to stop him from hitting me any further until my other coworker(male) restrained him and i was able to snap out and helped him out. after that, everyone else from the other stations came and helped out. i felt so embarrassed because being the new guy at work and all and having to go through that.
|
patient threw a rage, tried to calm him down, ended getting beat up.
|
letting a patient hit me.
|
[
"so this happened yesterday. i work at a mental",
"health facility and im fairly new(4 months in) at",
"the job. it was going like how every other",
"sunday was going until one of our new clients",
"threw a fit and started rampaging through the",
"facility. of course, me being only one of the",
"guys in the facility at the time(most of my",
"coworkers are women) had to react fast to stop",
"him from getting through the nurse' station. i",
"have no idea what got to me but all i was",
"thinking about was that i had to stop him from",
"getting inside. so i got up close and told him to",
"calm down. at this moment, i knew what was",
"already going to happen. right after i told him",
"to calm down, he rushed at me and started",
"throwing punches. at this point all i could",
"remember was trying to stop him from hitting me",
"any further until my other coworker(male)",
"restrained him and i was able to snap out and",
"helped him out. after that, everyone else from",
"the other stations came and helped out. i felt so",
"embarrassed because being the new guy at work and",
"all and having to go through that."
] |
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0.587438018927074,
0.1688135975858445,
0.5730883188087639,
0,
0.167810499088727,
0,
0.172503097832993,
0.006768913480001011,
0,
0,
0.08955111023797638
] |
threw a fit and started rampaging through the to calm down, he rushed at me and started
|
9 | 21 | 0.73 | 9 |
so this happened about 10 mins ago, and is still happening now. i'm fed up with my geometry teachers shit, and really couldnt handle dealing with her today, so i started sitting in the commons. i had been here for about 20 mins, when somebody who is also in the same class walks in and asks why i'm not in geometry. i need to think of an excuse fast, so i say i have a really important computer science project due tomorrow, quickly alt-tab to my notepad++ window, and show him my code. he then says "ok, ill tell her you wont be there today" i try to convince him not to, but he insists on it. (pretty sure he hates me)
now, my teacher is the kind of teacher who, if she finds out you're skipping class, she emails/calls your parents. this is the worst part of this fu, as **my dad is a teacher**. he takes this kind of thing *very* seriously. i dont see him for another few hours, and my plan is to, once i get home, get on his and my mom's computer, and delete the email. kinda doubt that i will be able to do it though.
i would love comforting, because i am super worried/stressed right now.
edit: class ends in 10 mins, so far no messages from parents
edit2: think im in the clear, been home for a few hours and nothing wierd. still waiting for dad to get here though.... will do another edit end of day/tomorrow with final stuff.
edit3: hopefully the last one, but my parents gota call saying i was absent block 3, and i told them it was because i fell asleep in class (totally plausible, it actually had happened in another class this morning) and they took it. *hopefully* in the clear
|
skipped class, guaranteed email home with excuse that wont stand up to parents; i am dead.
|
skipping calss
|
[
"so this happened about 10 mins ago, and is still",
"happening now. i'm fed up with my geometry",
"teachers shit, and really couldnt handle dealing",
"with her today, so i started sitting in the",
"commons. i had been here for about 20 mins, when",
"somebody who is also in the same class walks in",
"and asks why i'm not in geometry. i need to think",
"of an excuse fast, so i say i have a really",
"important computer science project due tomorrow,",
"quickly alt-tab to my notepad++ window, and show",
"him my code. he then says \"ok, ill tell her you",
"wont be there today\" i try to convince him not",
"to, but he insists on it. (pretty sure he hates",
"me)",
"now, my teacher is the kind of teacher who, if",
"she finds out you're skipping class, she",
"emails/calls your parents. this is the worst part",
"of this fu, as **my dad is a teacher**. he takes",
"this kind of thing *very* seriously. i dont see",
"him for another few hours, and my plan is to,",
"once i get home, get on his and my mom's",
"computer, and delete the email. kinda doubt that",
"i will be able to do it though.",
"i would love comforting, because i am super",
"worried/stressed right now.",
"edit: class ends in 10 mins, so far no messages",
"from parents",
"edit2: think im in the clear, been home for a few",
"hours and nothing wierd. still waiting for dad to",
"get here though.... will do another edit end of",
"day/tomorrow with final stuff.",
"edit3: hopefully the last one, but my parents",
"gota call saying i was absent block 3, and i told",
"them it was because i fell asleep in class",
"(totally plausible, it actually had happened in",
"another class this morning) and they took it.",
"*hopefully* in the clear"
] |
[
0,
0.936493549462726,
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0.6034485914470944,
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0.34528694693038264,
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0.276900886984976,
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0.011714368125313344,
0.11400447260737265,
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1,
0.5289679395024109,
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0.13828050647064807,
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0.000788829155306512,
0.6015149291147013,
0,
0.23729408166555305,
0
] |
happening now. i'm fed up with my geometry i would love comforting, because i am super
|
72 | 8 | 0.87 | 72 |
so... this just happened.
i work from home and the only place i can smoke inside (its too cold out) is my private bathroom. i was finished smoking as well as using the can, so i leaned forward to drop the cig into the bowl behind me. my phone rang at the same time i was doing this so i leaned forward, pitched the smoke behind me under my ass, answered the phone and sat back down.
well the butt didn't make it to the water and landed on the seat. i didn't realize this and leaned back to sit into "starting position".
i burned my still dirty ass, screamed and fell off the can while answering the phone.
my wife ran upstairs to find me on the floor, on the phone half naked with the smell of burnt flesh and poo hanging in the air. she didn't say a word, just laughed, shook her head and shut the door.
|
burned my ass on a cigarette.
|
smoking in the bathroom.
|
[
"so... this just happened.",
"i work from home and the only place i can smoke",
"inside (its too cold out) is my private bathroom.",
"i was finished smoking as well as using the can,",
"so i leaned forward to drop the cig into the bowl",
"behind me. my phone rang at the same time i was",
"doing this so i leaned forward, pitched the smoke",
"behind me under my ass, answered the phone and",
"sat back down.",
"well the butt didn't make it to the water and",
"landed on the seat. i didn't realize this and",
"leaned back to sit into \"starting position\".",
"i burned my still dirty ass, screamed and fell",
"off the can while answering the phone.",
"my wife ran upstairs to find me on the floor, on",
"the phone half naked with the smell of burnt",
"flesh and poo hanging in the air. she didn't say",
"a word, just laughed, shook her head and shut the",
"door."
] |
[
0,
0,
0.013441050363246627,
0,
0,
0,
0,
0.5564614786719486,
0,
0,
0.013441050363246627,
0,
1,
0,
0.16612626767004574,
0,
0,
0.0060912963083344955,
0
] |
i burned my still dirty ass, screamed and fell
|
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